I am kind of struggling with Thanksgiving coming so soon as this is going to be a very hard holiday season for me being in this situation and knowing that while I do still love Charles I CANNOT AFFORD to invest anymore of myself…..my heart….my soul or my love into this relationship or this house and that hurts. With you guys and this place …I will make it though. I actually went shopping for ME today and thatis the first time since last week that I left the house except for when he was home over the weekend. I had a wonderful time by MYSELF! YAY for me!!! Baby steps…baby steps……

I love you guys and have a blessed Thanksgiving. XOXO
–Cassandra

Happy Thanksgiving to all,
and thank You all for the support, the inspiration, the beautiful Love that is shining through your words.
May God Help you and assist you every step of the way!

Lin what you wrote is so touching, it is a power speech that went directly to my heart, and I have those same questions that you are asking…

Why Is it when i am worried about my husband health ( and ask him to take a jacket on let’s say on a cold day) he acts like a kid and start whining and he feels annoyed and when I just ignore the whole issue he takes his jacket all by himself ?

Why is it when I remind him of a Dr. appointment ( because he usually forgets ) I get the same treatment, but whenn I don’t he comes and half heartedly admit to me and say “oh I forgot again” !!!

Why is it when you Love someone this much you feel like you want to grab the stars and offer it to him, but he just ignores what’s in your hands and turn away?

So many times I feel like crying because it is so frustrating not to be able to go to him, hug him and whisper “I LOVE YOU, so very much” it is as I understood leaning forward…and I do not want this…

Oh the power speech and feeling messages are my hardest task …I feel …It felt …I am trying to use these words but I am still failing to make the words come automatically to me, I used to say I want ..why not do this or that…yes I know Rori is right, we women are bossy and sometimes more maternal with our men, but isn’t out of Love …out of “doing teh job that should be done” we are practical and organized maybe that is why we do not have much patient, we want our things/projects/issues planned, executed and wrapped up, and ASAP… maybe it is by nature also not only by nurture, because we need to do so to raise kids and be always ready and free to take care of them??? And maybe that is why not taking care of ourselves make our men take us of granted …that we will do the right thing and they give up on doing anything for us ?
And hence we feel abondonned less loved and the vicious circle of self-doubt, wrecked self-esteem and all the yucky feelings start pouring in on us…mixed with our old “Life theme” and all the bitter vinegar we sipped trying to convince ourselves it is just how wine taste ???

I dunno, I am trying to still figuring this out, I feel a relapse somehow, today I was riffing…I feel angry and I love my anger, I feel hatred towards Nate and I love being able to feel even hate, I feel I have lost so many years but I love the fact that I have more to come, I feel I was abused and used and I hate being used and abused but I love that I know now from where my anger stems …. I want to take a vacation myself…alone, on a faraway sunny island, I love the feeling of the sun on my skin..warm and tender and caressing… I do not want to think of anyone not even my husband…I love taking care of myself …sipping a glass of REAL wine this time, listening to music, reading a good book, smiling and feeling relaxed and happy on my own, needing no one to Love me…Loving me feels so good…and I love loving me…Oh Rori you are so right about Loving oneself…
I have so many things I need to startloving and appreciating….

Girls I love you all, Love yourselves, take care of yourselves, then only Love will come searching for you…
It is Like we are the sun, it can exist without the planets, always shining and beautiful, but not vice versa all the beautiful and lush greenery on earth cannot grow cannot flourish, photosynthesis cannot happen without this Sun, and this how we should be a Sun to make our men flourish and grow fruits to give us the
FRUIT ….LOVE !!

Love You all
God bless you
Clara

I have been confused lately… just standing back wondering.. why .?.. so much pain.. we
are feeling and working on ,,, a better future.
so difficult to keep doing all the right things we are taught… leaning back…. its hard cause
I enjoy doing…. making dinner.. creating nice
things… looking for cures for my guys painful
feet.. etc…. I stopped it all for a long time.
and it did work… for my good.. and I did learn so much through it… and I will only give once he has given of himself… and I will always give a little less than he…. gives… so I understand
that… and I do understand that’s where my anger comes from.. when I have given so much more… and then he gives less and less.
makes so much sense now… thank you for all the tools and understanding…
I do want to say… this is the only man in my life I wanted to give that much to… so I did not do that in the past… I thought I was doing this now… cause I loved him that much… and i was acting as my mom acted with my dad. Also he enjoyed it so much… and praised me for it..
and it just made me feel like doing it more.
So now he has to work for it… all of it… and its going slower.. but its still going…. I have done
a power speech right from my heart…. about
what I want in my life… the relationship in my life that I want…. and if he does not want the same… its OK… its perfectly OK,.. although I will feel lost with out him.. and its hard to think of the future with out him.. I will cause
I cant allow this up and down emotional ride in my life.. I want normal…. calm… and real love with a man that can give this and feel the same way… I need to be able to believe my man and when he says… we are going on vacation .. we go… J says… that can be arranged..( I thought here we go again)
anyway…. J has done a lot more me.. and he is now helping with home work for my g-son I am raising… so I can see.. the more he does for me the more he is investing in a relationship with me… I have noticed also.. the more I do for him.. the more I feel I love him… and he is feeling the same way…
I do want to ask… I feel more love for him with
the more I do for him… is that natural.?.
while , when he is doing things for me… he is feeling more love for me…? I don’t really feel love for him when he is painting my house ,
and fixing things.. I do when he is giving me a back rub… or help my g-son with his homework.
I love it that he is painting my house.. and doing things like that for me.. and paying for it also.. this is new and nice.. and I have to say.
yes.. I deserve that…from him.. completely.
so yes.. I do think .. reconnect was good .. and its definitely got me into his heart… wow! who knew !! men will love you more .. the more they do for you.. and the little you do for them the better !!
I also want to share… no one is perfect, not us
and not them.. so we have to forgive also..
and some times.. its big things we forgive.
in the name of Love…. its hard to find…. and once we find it.. its should be not easy to give away.. ! I love this site and all the wonderful women full of love and heart who are on this site… Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Thank You,
Lin

The Lady reading this is Beautiful, Classy, Strong and I LOVE HER. Help her live her life to the Fullest. Please Promote her and cause her to Excel above expectations. Help her to Shine in darkest places and Love where it is impossible to LOVE.

Amen

Send to all the Ladies you Love. I Just DID.

Please take care of yourself dear, and do not rely on Charles for moral support, you are able to cope and you can do it all by yourself, a courageous woman like you, just pray a little when you feel down, and rather than remembering your grandfather in sadness, just remember him during the beautiful moments you shared together, it will help a lot! That is how I remember dad who passed away as well, and I feel he is always there for me and praying for me …
You know they watch over us and pray for us.
I am praying for you and all teh ladies here, and asking God to help us all…

Yes I am applying Rori’s tools on my relationship with Rick my husband and he told me I have changed to the better, he cannot accurately say how, but he feels more close to me and happier and that is great, as for my ex, well he is more insistent than ever, today he sent me an email ( though in my junk mail) but in the “Subject” he titled his email …She did it again meaning committing another attempted suicide…
I couldn’t resist answering him, but to my utter astonishment I was DETACHED COLD and really not caring, as fed up with him and her, in these last 4 days I am feeling deep changes concerning Nate, very deep …he is losing his grab on me like never before…

I am so Grateful for Rori, I am mean it is awesome that with such a short period of time I am making progress I have never thought of during the 16 years of nightmare I have been through…
I have never thought that I would think of him as another man ( Toxic to a certain extent) whom I can take or leave as easily as I am doing now…. but there’s still alot of work to do…and I am ready for it, and you are an inspiration to me, and all the ladies here, for your situation is very hard, harder than mine, and you inspire me to continue and never to give up!
So I hope I could try to help you and others, by being here, listening and sharing.
Thank you Cassandra for your wishes, and true empathy,
May God help and protect you,
Huge Hugs and love
Clara

I am hanging in there….these last few days have been more tough in that my Grandfather died last night and I have have had absolutely no support from Charles at all….not that I expected it but when I cry he gets upset with me so I am trying to feel what I feel away from him. Some things have been really changing in me with regard to the way that I see him and I suppose that is a good thing but right now my focus has been on my Grandfather and my family. I will fill you in on more as soon as I can.

Thanks again for checking on me Clara…that means alot! I send you a huge hug and hope you are enjoying every moment of your day withyour husband!

Love and a huge hug to all….
Cassandra

I am persevering on using teh tools in teh e-Book and the Toxic Men, I loved teh ideas and advices that David Wygant Gave especially about how to recognize Toxic Men in their 40s!! Wish I had your DVDs years ago
I am still fighting this “urge” ( or addiction) – I decided that it might be a good idea to change my ex status from addiction to urge- which makes less insistant and less dangerous and time consuming than addiction- what do you think Rori? is it a good idea?
So I am still fighting the old habit of thinking of him also the other new habit of checking my junk mail just to make sure he is still sending emails without opening them but deleting them….
I am trying hard not to, I sometimes do it, but often i fail in resisting….I just feel like I am in the POWER position you know, like the table has been turned and he is the weak one !! Kind of SATISFYING feeling of revenge of glaoting of … and honestly I like this feeling and do not hate it…the feeling of being powerful in control and coming first and ….I hope I am not going from one extreme to another …:)
I am also working on my self-esteem riffing and turning my anxieties…I will post some in teh self esteem section…sometimes what I write seems totally uncomprehensible to me at first and why they are popping like this, but following your advice I am letting everything out to after sort through them….
I thank you so very much…as for my relation with my beloved husband well YOU CAN SEND my story in all of the email letters if you wishj
MY dear husband will take a DAY OFF tomorrow from work to spend this Friday with me at home and in teh evening he invited me to dinner in a very EXPENSIVE restaurant to celebrate our marriage anniversary

ISN’T THAT AWESOME????
OH RORI THANK YOU
God bless you.
Sincerely
Clara

PS Any news from Cassandra It’s been a while since I last heard from her …is she posting in another section that I missed…please fill in my blanks and Lin too ..

I Love you Guys…
God bless you all

I think Cassandra that your dream is a symbolic image of your situation but mostly fear and confusion.
I am not a dream interpreter but through my studies I came to understand how to find the most important clues, so hopefully my explanation would help you, especially that it is a recurrent dream, which means on the subconscious level an urgent message that your inner self is trying to pass to your conscious part.
Let’s take it from the start :
1-you are with your best friends and their HUSBANDS = you are the only one not with your husband, you are not married
2- They seems joyful and not at all concerned with fires = maybe because they are married ? = you are the only afraid because you are not?
3- Charles seems oblivious of the fire = He does not care = He does not care what he is DOING to YOU
4- You see walls of fire even in a big city = You maybe subconsciously afraid of leaving of starting afresh in a new environment not because you lack courage not at all, but precisely because you want to fulfill your dream of getting married and having a family, hence you see your fears in walls of fire stopping you from taking teh next step?
5- Synthesis : you want to get married before growing older, you are worried that no man would want to be with you, Charles is keeping you from spreading your wings, you want to get out of this situation symbolized by the walls of fire …
This is how I psychologically interpret my dreams so hopefully I was able to help even a bit in shedding light on your dream images to help
Praying for all of us.
With love and warm hugs,
God bless you
Clara