I am in migraine hell.
Migraine means different things to different people and for me it’s a major test of my warring factions — the parts of me that know I need to sink into and not resist whatever’s going on, and the part that wants to fix it.
So let’s talk about “fixing.”
Is there a big difference between fixing a headache, a bad back, chronic illness, a bad attitude, and fixing a relationship?
Well here’s the thing — tweaking, or tinkering, I take care of with my tools. Yes – using tools is a “doing” thing.
The tools are essentially things for your boy to do to keep your boy energy busy and working, so that your girl can relax, do nothing, and just feel. Can sink into feeling. Now these seem like such opposing impulses.
They seem like such opposing forces.
But they’re not. At least not to me.
There is a big difference for me between “fixing” something that has to do with me, with my system, and trying to fix something that involves someone else.
But here’s where they slop over: Let’s say I want to fix my relationship at work or in my love life. And my thought is that the major problem here is communication. We seem to always be misunderstanding each other, we seem to always be attacking each other, we seem to always feel defensive around each other and nearly every conversation we have.
No one feels safe, no one feels honored, and feels appreciated, no one feels accepted, no one feels… safe and loved.
First – I start with forgiveness for everything I’ve ever done and doing or want to do no matter how much I don’t like it.
Then I go to forgiveness for everyone else for everything they’ve ever done no matter how much I don’t like it.
Then I go to compassion for myself for keeping all kinds of punishment on myself and judging everything I’ve ever done or thought or wanted to do.
And now I go to compassion for everyone else for everything they’ve ever done to themselves, all the punishment they’ve piled on themselves, all the punishment they’ve piled on anyone else – no matter how much I don’t like it.
Then I go to accepting everything about myself. Everything I’ve ever done, everything I’m doing, everything I’m thinking and everything I’ve ever wanted to do my whole life no matter how much I don’t like it.
And then I go to accepting everyone else for everything they’ve ever done or are doing or want to do are about to do, think or feel – no matter how much I don’t like it.
I make a decision to love everything no matter how much I don’t like it.
I make a decision to hand off all my doing to my boy energy, and then make a decision to allow my girl energy to feel, express and experience everything that shows up — fully — even if I don’t like it.
And I make this decision every single waking moment of my life
So Now The Tweaking And The Fixing Belongs To My Boy.
So what do you do?
We’ll first of all your boy has to be firmly trained to go with forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, and love — and stay completely away from judgment about anything that’s going on with your girl.
You can see where I’m going here.
Your boy has to think about and treat your girl the way a real man out in the real world has to treat you.
So you are setting the model for what it’s supposed to look like out there. You create a relationship between your boy and girl inside you and then you know exactly what it’s supposed to feel like when you experience it in a relationship out there.
Sounds like fun so far? Almost sounds easy!
And actually — it is easy. It really, really is.
When you find yourself in a relationship where your girl is feeling bad – and by bad I mean itchy, defensive, tense, caught up in drama, feeling unheard and unloved — you’re in the wrong place.
And this is where you need your boy.
To get you out of there.
To stop texting, to stop the calling, to stop the playing at being “friends,” stop your brain from even taking up space thinking about him.
You need your boy to change the focus. To change HIS focus.
Your boy he needs to change his focus from the man out there to the man inside you.
Your boy needs to change his focus from giving a rat’s ass about what that man out there is doing, and instead — your inner boy needs to take care of you.
He needs to get you out of there. He needs to take good care of you.
What Does This Look Like?
Okay so this could look like a massage, manicure, circular dating, doing things you love, volunteering, writing, singing, dancing, there’s really no end to what your girl can express when your boy gets behind you.
And — and this brings us back to the theme of this post — is your boy needs to tweak. He needs to tinker. He needs to fix.
For me my boy needs to find for me what the trigger is to my migraine. Is it my hormones from some herbs I’m taking? Is it my neck muscles from sitting at my computer writing all day?
And in my boy needs to get into action — scheduling a massage or treatment from a chiropractor. Working on my neck round the clock. Switching around my herbs. Eating in a way that helps me eliminate the cause. My boy goes into detective mode. My boy goes into investigator mode. My boy is my Indiana Jones.
My boy is a fearless leader about discovering how to help my girl have a softer life.
And at the same time, as frustrating as it feels, my girl has to sink into what is.
More in Part 2…