Surrender To Now

This is one of my favorite posts:

There are therapists and dating experts who teach those of us who are still entangled, bound, wrapped up in and held by a lover who is no longer a happy part of our lives, how to let go.

It is said that you can’t enter a new relationship while you’re still bound by the old. That you must release this person to leave room in your life and your heart for your true soulmate to come on in.

It’s a fact that our bodies and hearts get connected to those we love and have sex with. It’s chemical, and spiritual, and emotional, and it doesn’t just go away because we say goodbye. And it’s true that every time we have the same thought about that goodbye, we experience the same feeling we felt when it happened.

And yet, it’s romantic. Lost love is romantic. Pining is romantic. Yeats and Keats and Lord Byron are romantic. Singing about love isn’t as romantic as singing about the love that got away. Longing makes me feel alive. It taps into my imagination and takes me to a place of romance and lust and passion that this daily life of recycling, cleaning the kitchen, working and cuddling don’t even graze. And it taps into my pain.

What is it about pain that feels so, well – romantic?

Many of us have pain and love hooked up in such a way that easy-going men don’t feel romantic to us. Nice men who don’t intend to hurt us feel like old shoes. The pointy, spindly ones that’ll kill our backs and crunch our toes are the shoes and the men we want. Even while we’re wearing running shoes, we’re dreaming of stilettos. And we fault men for thinking like this.

Letting go, to me, is a moment by moment act and triumph of courage. Not just letting go of a person, but of a state of mind, a thought of pain that leads to a feeling of pain that then feels so powerful, passionate, poetic and sexy that it trumps everything else around.

Letting go of a person is much easier than letting go of pain. Because if I once let go of the pain of missing someone, anyone, I would feel, not just free – but alone. I would come face to face with my serious belief that I will always be alone if I don’t hold on.

To that man, that thought, that job, that routine. And to hold on, I have to, literally, hold on. Hold on to any man who comes into my space. Hold on to a plan. Hold on to hope. The pain, the plan, the hope fills the void if the man can’t.

What if you could let go of the belief that you’ll be alone because no one’s there just yet? What if you could believe he’s there, if only you could see him through the fog of poems, pain, and stilettos?

What if, instead of hope, we could operate on faith? What if, instead of hoping we’ll meet Mr. Right, or the man we’re married to will suddenly turn into Mr. Right, we could simply trust that he’s there, if only we’d consider the possibility that he doesn’t look the way we thought he should – that instead of bringing pain, longing, holding on, and stilettos, he’d show up with roses, running shoes, and the absolute knowledge that you’re the one for him. He might be right.

How to do it? Just as, if you were releasing a person who was loving you and now is not, you would cut off contact, focus on yourself and become aware of how your thoughts continually float back to him and the pain of the breakup and gently redirect those thoughts – what if you could release the past altogether?

And by the past, I mean the moment that just passed. The one that will never be again, but which left traces of emotional, spiritual and physical connection behind. The one that drags us, longing, pining and in stilettos, back to live it all over again. Over and over.

So turn around. Put your back to the moment that just passed. Use your imagination. Put your back to the person who is no longer loving you. Put your back to the pain, the longing, the holding on. Face out. Face where you want to be. Is it a mountain? A lake? A beach? Who are you with? Yourself, your new, ideal, perfect, fabulously loving lover, a friend? What is it you actually see for yourself in this new direction?

Keep your back turned to the pain, and your face to what you see ahead. Step out. Literally, now, take a step forward. Allow your future to pull on you. Walk up the mountain. Wander onto the beach. Stare in wonder at the sunset.

If you can imagine it, you can make it up anyway you want. If it feels scary, you can step out slowly and get used to it. If you can keep facing forward and keep stepping forward, you can change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your reality.

So, if you find yourself at the market, or Starbucks, or the theater, alone and miserable, or with someone you’re indifferent to, turn around from that thought. Literally spin 180 degrees and look elsewhere.

There will be something new there. Something good will happen. Someone new will step into frame. The person you’re with will become more of a real person and less of a poor substitute. Your life will go forward.

Surrender to faith in yourself. Surrender to the impossibility of knowing what’s around every corner. Surrender, not to longing, but to the pleasurable possibilities of what’s around the corner. Surrender to this idea: Romance is wonderful, love is not painful, and shoes can look good and feel good too. Stilettos are overrated.

Here is the Meditation and the Intention:

I intend to turn toward love, affection, attention, cherishing, and away from the idea that any one person holds that for me. I intend to turn toward feeling good and away from feeling bad. I intend to turn toward my future and away from my past. Toward pleasure and away from pain.

Toward happy movies and away from tragedies. To whoever’s laughing and away from whoever’s moody. I intend to allow myself to be pulled forward. I intend to step forward. I intend to use my gifts, show my heart, and never give up. I intend to live as if I believe that the mountain, the beach, the lake, all my dreams are real.

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

1,518 Comments to “Surrender To Now”

1: Femininewoman says:

Keep your back turned to the pain, and your face to what you see ahead

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:18am
2: Femininewoman says:

The one that drags us, longing, pining and in stilettos, back to live it all over again. Over and over.

So turn around. Put your back to the moment that just passed. Use your imagination. Put your back to the person who is no longer loving you. Put your back to the pain, the longing, the holding on. Face out. Face where you want to be.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:24am
3: LiliBee says:

wwwwoooooowww…This feels so good and freeing to read.
It’s a keeper.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:36am
4: LiliBee says:

” It is said that you can’t enter a new relationship while you’re still bound by the old. That you must release this person to leave room in your life and your heart for your true soulmate to come on in.”

That’s what I’ve been doing by leaning back.
Letting the space get empty and letting it be.
At 1st I saw myself sitting in the middle of it.
Now I see myself sitting back to make more room to make it more welcoming.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:41am
5: Sangelina says:

This post sooo speaks to me!
I woke up feeling anxious this morning thinking about someone I’ve been struggling for over 2yrs to get over. thank you Rori, thank you universe.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:43am
6: Sangelina says:

“Letting go, to me, is a moment by moment act and triumph of courage”

I shall get over this next moment and the moment after that and on and on…
I can definitely do this. I’m very high value. I’m def the prize!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:46am
7: Sangelina says:

The best is only what I deserve, not 2nd best!
No more waiting around and hoping..
jumping at every text…
panting at every email…
hoping for grudging phone calls…
I am verrrry high value!! The right man has to see that or else he’s not the right man.
I have so much to offer; kindness, compassion, smarts, very communicative, emotional stability, stable home, good financial skills, responsibility, down to earth, trust worthy, attractiveness..

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:51am
8: Femininewoman says:

Sangelina thanks for that No 7. It sounds like the way I want to see myself.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:53am
9: bloom-ing says:

the woman who sings this on the jobim album i have sounds so amazing & vulnerable… wikipedia’d it & he wrote it for a woman…. feeling moved, & i’m enjoying singing it this week : ))))))

Dindi Lyrics
Antonio Carlos Jobim

Sky, so vast is the sky
With faraway clouds just wandering by
Where do they go?
Oh! I don’t know, don’t know…

Wind that speaks to the leaves
Telling stories that no one believes
Stories of love
Belong to you and me

Oh! Dindi, If I only had words I would say all the beautiful things that I see when you’re with me.
Oh, my Dindi… Oh, Dindi,

Like the song of the wind in the trees that’s how my heart is singing, Dindi: happy, Dindi, when you’re with me.

I love you more each day, yes I do, yes I do.
I’d let you go away if you’d take me with you.

Don’t you know, Dindi I’d be running and searching for you like a river that can’t find the sea

That would be me
Without you, Dindi

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:53am
10: Sangelina says:

I suspect he does not feel worthy of such high value woman.
He recently said that he has me up on a pedestal. I thought that was a good thing.
If you have someone up on a pedestal, wouldn’t you then claim her.
I thought that was a good thing for him to say.
Or perhaps I got it all wrong?
Am I missing something?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:54am
11: Sangelina says:

You’re welcome Femininewoman, that’s the way we ALL need to see ourselves.
I just got a text while writing this…(well I didn’t jump, LOL)
May you all have an awesome day!!! All you desirable, high prize ladies!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:58am
12: Goddess Lily says:

Fresh start…..have faith

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 8:54am
13: Femininewoman says:

So what would the lesson be? What might need healing here for you? I think the big take-aways here are learning to keep your heart open and vulnerable regardless if you feel irritated or hurt or angry. AND it’s allowing others to be themselves, letting go of rigidity, embracing your differences, healing your narrow sighted view of how the world/men “should” be with you.

And in doing so, they DO change. Let go of the expectations, and you get what you originally wanted much of the time, but if you don’t, it won’t matter anyway because you DID NOT expect it.

http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/are-you-addicted-to-awful-relationship-patterns/

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 8:54am
14: Daria says:

Maybe people triggered by my CDing or CDing in general are thinning it invalidates them if they have a commitmed relationship that feels good to them w no deal breaking bad behavior from the man?

Thats my guess, which is too bad as it does not.

I’m not of the same opinion I was a few years ago when I would have said to CD in that case as well.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 8:58am
15: Heart says:

Wow….
Mantra…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:00am
16: Heart says:

That was so beautiful to read.
I feel teary-eyed.
I feel empowered.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:02am
17: Heart says:

” Surrender to this idea: Romance is wonderful, love is not painful, and shoes can look good and feel good too.”

I feel so moved by this.

How do u surrender to this idea. Do you just choose it…tell yourself to believe in it…CD?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:06am
18: Starla says:

Radlove (from other thread)

No. It was your idea to stop interacting with each other, and I agreed to this. So please leave it alone. Maybe I’m “weird” in that it feels like being jerked around by emotional outbursts when someone says they’re walking away from me and then tries to weasel back in and acts hurt when I remind them that they committed to cutting me out. Furthermore, I PREFER your solution. I know you don’t like it, but it feels much more peaceful to me to just be left alone, period. You may have changed your mind, but I haven’t, and it takes two people to consent to interacting positively with each other. I don’t consent. I’m sorry if this bothers you, but I wish you all the luck and healing in the world.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:06am
19: Iamabutterfly says:

Great post. I feel really shy asking this, but I left some thoughts on the previous thread that I would love some feedback/empathy/thoughts on.

Daria, I also left some thoughts for you.

I feel sad and hollow.

I just found out some sad news that feels scary to talk about and I don’t feel good talking about it here on the blog. Sorry.

((((Blog)))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:06am
20: Daria says:

LG – I am experiencing you as ‘having it out for me’ and generally mocking me the past couple of days.

I am experiencing myself as dodging you and avoiding addressing you directly.

One example that felt like mocking was when I asked Rori direct q after being triggered from your post and your comment referring to mine as ‘shaking my head can’t do anything but laugh’

Is there something I should know?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:10am
21: Femininewoman says:

Hats off to you Daria. I got that same vibe but felt fearful of being the one to bring it up, because of the passive-aggressive hat that keeps getting tossed in the ring.

Though I also wanted to beleive there were no villains give LG the benefit of the doubt thinking it was just my interpretation of what I was reading. Sorry if I trigger you here LG but that is my truth.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:14am
22: Iamabutterfly says:

hey, Daria, found your comments on the old thread. It feels great to understand better where you’re coming from, and I left you a little note on the old thread as well.

((((Daria))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:15am
23: Starla says:

noticing i feel turned off by the latest POF guy.
he sends a different picture of himself to me every few messages, and he keeps asking if i have more. i finally just tol dhim to friend me on facebook so he could go through my albums there. then he got on fb chat and was like “what do you think of my pictures?”

i don’t know why, but his asking me what I think of his pictures kind of turned me off.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:18am
24: Daria says:

Honestly I feel upset about it as I have always felt warm reading your posts and have generally felt uplifted . I felt a special affinity w u even – feels embarrassing to say now in view of current feelings- and I dont know how to deal with this.

I do not think you should be CDing ( not that that matters ). I get the impression you are in a committed relationship w no bad deal breaking behavior from your man.

I’m feeling panicked at experiencing this.

My mind is searching for a sorts of explanations, that, whole maybe correct thanks to my awesome strategizing abilities, probably won’t help.

I don’t like feeling this way at all. What is really up?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:18am
25: Iamabutterfly says:

Heart, thanks for the hugs on the previous thread. Makes me feel warm.

Belle, I feel so intrigued by the last comment you made on the previous thread.

I feel curious and scared about it, because I feel like I’ve been in similar situations where guys are “testing my boundaries.” Maybe even with Jack CD, and that feels really scary to admit/consider.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:19am
26: Iamabutterfly says:

@24 Daria – I feel unsure who you are speaking to, but I feel curious to know who, (so I can tell if it’s me or not. I feel kinda dumb that i can’t tell if it’s to me or not…)

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:20am
27: Femininewoman says:

Starla thanks for this FM

“it feels like being jerked around by emotional outbursts when someone says they’re walking away from me and then tries to weasel back in and acts hurt when I remind them that they committed to cutting me out.”

It explains some of my feelings.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:20am
28: Goddess Lily says:

I am directly asking for guidance on two situations, maybe three.

1. How do I tell my ex in feeling messages that I don’t want advice about my work situation that I just told him I’m confused about?

2. How can I tell if my work ex showing up again is a result of me shifting my vibe or hes back to remind me of a lesson I haven’t learned yet?

3. What do I do with my nasty feelings that I got when he was being his usual flirty self with another girl at work directly after flirting with me? I almost think it was a test or a defense mechanism so he won’t appear as vulnerable to me right now. He basically told me he was added to ask me to do anything because I may be busy.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:20am
29: Goddess Lily says:

Afraid, not added

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:21am
30: Starla says:

you’re welcome fw, but i don’t think it’s that great of a feeling message… i think it’s mostly judgment. i can’t say for sure if i’m being jerked around. ehhh i’m not always so good at this fm thing

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:22am
31: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel so confused. I don’t know who LG is or which thread she was typing on and who is getting triggered by who, and I want to understand and I feel frustrated that I want to understand because it’s none of my business really!

I feel triggered because my Mom is always “up in other people’s business” and I really, really, really don’t want to be like that!

wow, this feels curious and kinda scary…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:22am
32: Femininewoman says:

Starla re FB guy just a question………….

Do you see this as seeking validation?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:22am
33: Femininewoman says:

Okay Starla. I will try to coin my own but it speaks to me. It also reminds me of Gay Hendricks who talks about making commitments. Mean what you say and say what you mean kinda thing.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:24am
34: Goddess Lily says:

Do I express in fms how I felt when I saw my work ex flirting with another coworker or am I supposed to let it go?

Once again, I am asking for feedback

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:25am
35: Femininewoman says:

Iamabutterfly that reminds me of some of Margaret Lynch’s tapping I did about vowing not to be like a parent but the unconscious vow to be like them.

That was my shorthand for Laughing Goddess.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:26am
36: Starla says:

yes i do see it as seeking validation… it’s just funny cuz they’re not that great of pics but that’s not what’s important to me, but i feel angry being put in a position to say ‘um you’re not that cute.’

like wtf? he’s either super insecure or totally full of himself thinking he’s gorgeous. either way, i’m like ewww

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:27am
37: MissStix says:

Daria….

I feel spoken to.

Maybe I am wrong but that’s ok. Even if you are not spesking to me I feel grateful for and respectful of your opinion.

Hmmm

And I am CDing without dates…

Hint: I posted last night about a man. Rethink who I may be talking about…

I don’t feel free to say it out loud.

Oh cryptic secrets…they feel jittery, but kind of good.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:28am
38: Femininewoman says:

Goddess Lily maybe begin your sharing by letting him know ahead of time that you just want to express your heart, you are not asking him for a fix or solution.

Men feel helpless when we vent about such things and they can’t feel successful by providing a solution. He is just being masculine.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:28am
39: Femininewoman says:

Flip Starla and think of how they must feel when we try to get them to tell us if they are still into us or still like us.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:30am
40: Iamabutterfly says:

@28 Goddess Lily –

1. “I feel grateful that you want to help me, but it would honestly feel awesome if I could just express my feelings without advice. I know you’re just trying to help, but it would feel so good and validating just to vent. Thanks for caring.” ? hmm…I feel unsure if that’s a good thing to say or not…

2. I have no idea. I feel like “old men” return to me at the most random times. sometimes they’re still single. sometimes they are in new relationships. sometimes I feel sad that we’re not connected anymore. sometimes I feel relief that we’re not connected.

what do you think, Goddess Lily? How is his “reappearance” making you feel? what is it making you consider?

3. wow, I feel triggered by this. I feel like Jack CD does the same thing to gage a reaction out of me.

Sometimes, it makes me feel really angry.
Sometimes, it makes me feel nothing, because I feel sure he’s doing it for the specific purpose of getting a reaction out of me.
Sometimes, I feel like he does it because he really cares about me, and is unsure how I feel about him.
Sometimes, I feel like he does it because he DOESN’T really care about me, and is just using me to stroke his own ego.

Phew.

What do you think, Goddess Lily?

how do you feel?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:30am
41: Iamabutterfly says:

hmm, I’m feeling this extreme need to feel “needed” today. to feel respected, and heard, and appreciated on the blog.

feels kinda weird.

maybe I’m not getting enough of that in my “real life?”

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:31am
42: Femininewoman says:

What do I do with my nasty feelings

You feel your feelings and ask yourself what am I really feeling? What did this show up to heal?

What is the nasty feeling anyway?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:32am
43: Iamabutterfly says:

My mom feels a huge need to feel “needed.” She gets really triggered when she doesn’t feel “needed.”

Her dad used to tell her over and over and over again that she would never amount to anything.

aw, I feel so sad for mom.

(((((((((((((((((Mom)))))))))))))))))))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:32am
44: Starla says:

I just logged on to chat with Warrior because he has a job interview that’s a really big deal today. But then things turned kind of weird and I decided to log off. I think I could use some feedback from you ladies — it triggered me to run away for some reason. I leaned forward to wish him luck and felt like okay i didn’t sign up for this energy. maybe i’m just an as*hole.

me: hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
good luck today:)
Warrior: Bla almost fell down the stairs at work had to throw my phone and the screen is now broken
my back and knee hurts cause of how I landed on my foot
and I have a largre bruse building on my forarm
but THanks it will be great
me: eep
Warrior:
anyhow
my light on my car is fixed
me: i have to go
i just wanted to say good luck
Warrior: awww

okay thanks
talk to you later

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:35am
45: Iamabutterfly says:

@34 Goddess Lily – wow, I feel so unsure how to answer this. (not that I “know” anything, anyway.)

if it were me, I would probably let it go.
He might feel like you’re trying to control him or something, or it might make him keenly aware of your insecurities, which would give him more power, which I’m not sure if you want him to have or not.

I guess it would depend on how bad it’s bothering you.

Then, there’s that whole seedy thing about what constitudes flirting and the innocence or non-innocence of flirting.

Big trigger for me…

whatever you do, I would be really careful not to “blame” him for “flirting” with that other girl.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:36am
46: Iamabutterfly says:

@44 Starla – aw, your little convo with Warrier CD makes me feel giggly. I think it’s cute.

I don’t think you did anything “wrong.” I think it shows he trusts and cares about you enough to share his physical ailments with you. A lot of guys wouldn’t feel safe doing that, thinking it would make you perceive him as “weak” in their eyes, (a man’s worst nightmare.)

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:38am
47: Goddess Lily says:

I want to react. I feel annoyed that I let myself open to being triggered by him again. I want to cry but I’m at work now. He has no duty not to flirt but I feel hurt because of the timing. I felt like we had just had a break through. I want to know whether it was innocent or he has an agenda. I feel p!ssed that I can’t think of anything else.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:40am
48: Iamabutterfly says:

@35 Feminine Woman – thanks for explaining. makes me feel heard. wow, I feel…really dumb for some reason!

Like, duh, oops, oy…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:41am
49: Belle says:

I love this post.
A few weeks ago I read a book called “Black Swan”, and it is therapuetic allegory or metaphorical story designed to lead someone’s mind through healing from abandonment.
One of the lessons is, to push the wounder out of your heart. Don’t try to get healing from the same person who hurt you
and I think I felt dizzy for a moment when I read that.
What?????
Don’t keep the person causing me pain in my heart and keep hurting myself with thoughts of him?
Huh?
So I tried it and it felt so wrong but it worked.
It helped me finally see that I was trying to get the person who was causing me pain to be the one to stop the pain.

Last night I dreamed I was helping an ex-boyfriend pack up his stuff and leave. I was telling him that I was going to miss him but I am sure glad to see him go.
I associate him with being lazy, manipulative, narcissistic, contrarian, belittling, arrested sexual development, hoarding, bad personal hygiene, cowardice, pretty much every deadly sin So all of that is on it’s way out.

I feel a new level of complete with T, too, now that I finally GROKKED the lesson that men will just say anything. He will say everything right and talk until the sun comes up but no action. That hasn’t changed in 10 years and never will. Adios, my friend.

“he’d show up with roses, running shoes, and the absolute knowledge that you’re the one for him.”

yes yes yes!!!
I feel like YES to this!
radiant sparkles filling my eyes and heart up with YES!!!
I’m cleaning my internal house to be ready for you, baby…I’m so sorry it took me so long and I feel so grateful knowing you’ll show up the instant I’m ready.
lovelovelovelovelove

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:42am
50: Femininewoman says:

Starla he might just be a pessimist. Some of us seem to be naturally like that. Who knows maybe those misfortunes showed up because of his internal insecurities.

Though it reminds me of myself recently when I did that test. First I got several messages tht they were having several tech issues and that they might start late. Then the others got to start 25 minutes before me because the computer was having problems. I said to myself this is a bad sign. They finally changed the computer and I realized it took me about 30 minutes into writing the report that I had gotten my groove and the words were flowing.

I ended up “failing” even though I had done my own affirmations and cheerleading before going in to do it.

My sense of you is that you might feel attracted to the kinda tough?? guy persona. Though beware because he might expect you to act tough in difficult situations. Like street muggings??!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:44am
51: Iamabutterfly says:

@ 47 Goddess Lily – “He has no duty not to flirt but I feel hurt because of the timing. I felt like we had just had a break through.”

I feel curious to understand this. have you written about him on old threads, or have you not told the whole story on the blog?

((((((Goddess Lily)))))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:46am
52: Femininewoman says:

Just saw this from Allana Pratt and remembered someone was asking about jealousy?? recently.

5. Jealousy is Awesome: (to a point) You’ve seen his eyes wander. Yes wander OFF you and ONTO her. You could choose to let this infuriate you, yet you know an outburst or the silent treatment will only make him look MORE! I know this is big, but I’m asking you to say “Thank you sister” and let her be an invitation for you to awaken the next level of your womanly powers… is she more sultry than you? more soft? More at peace in her skin? Be willing to do the emotional work to love your body, take a dance class, let go of being so in control… do this for YOU! And THEN notice the ‘new you’ gets a lot more attention from your man!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:47am
53: Femininewoman says:

Belle – It helped me finally see that I was trying to get the person who was causing me pain to be the one to stop the pain.

I wonder if this is the reason we expect/demand apologies?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:49am
54: Femininewoman says:

RE 48 You can’t “feel” dumb!! I don’t think.

I am wondering if it is you feel like your brain spinning around looking for answers but can’t find them? Maybe an indication to drop down into your body to see what you are really feeling?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:51am
55: Femininewoman says:

RE 47 ((((((((((((Goddess Lily))))))))))))))))

Don’t act out on your emotions. That is how we get labelled as the psycho gf.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:52am
56: Starla says:

fw, he’s really not a pessimist per se, but he’s been so complain-y lately. i felt like i was getting slapped in the face for wishing him good luck. like “actually i’m having bad luck but thanks anyway jerkstarla”

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:53am
57: Iamabutterfly says:

“Romance is wonderful, love is not painful, and shoes can look good and feel good too. Stilettos are overrated.”

@49 Belle – I feel so incredibly inspired by you! Do you know who wrote “Black Swan?” i would love to read it…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:53am
58: Heart says:

Belle – “Don’t try to get healing from the same person who hurt you”

wow…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:53am
59: Femininewoman says:

totally full of himself thinking he’s gorgeous

I find this inspiring. It inspires me to think of myself that way.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:54am
60: Goddess Lily says:

I haven’t really written much about him. We dated almost all of 2009. I broke it off because he never made me a priority. I’m sure I didn’t all the wrong things back then too. We tried just hanging out for the first half of 2011 until one day he wrote out everything that was on his mind as a priority and relationship/me wasn’t there so I took that to be a sign and started dating someone else. Once again, I didn’t have any of the tools and I was doing everything wrong. I just feel so good with him otherwise that I haven’t felt with anyone else not even my recent ex that I have the date with friday. He knows me better than anyone. I love that man so much but he chooses to pursue business things. I thought I could cd him and practice but emotions came up so fast right now. I used to have so much fun with him and I miss that. Maybe it’s the period hormones again but this sucks.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:54am
61: Iamabutterfly says:

@54 Feminine Woman – Hmm…you can’t feel dumb.

I feel…ache-y. I feel tired. but I also feel hopeful, excited. anxious, curious.

I feel it all!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:55am
62: Femininewoman says:

Starla I kinda see some semblance to what Turquoise recently posted about Mr. C.

Maybe they just want to be seen as “human” and the accolades make them feel like you think they are “super human” and they are afraid of failing in your eyes?

I dunno

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:56am
63: Femininewoman says:

I believe “dumb” is judgementalbeatupmyself kinda think.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:58am
64: Starla says:

59 fw, i should add “……thinking he’s gorgeous and needing to hear that i must be falling all over myself to hear from him”

lol. i feel kind of like “NEXT”

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:58am
65: Mel says:

Hi ladies,

I’m wondering how best to handle this situation without taking on any masculine energy…

Mr A is having some pretty big stress family wise. He is not withdrawing and actually says he is so glad he has me to talk to… doesn’t know what he’d do with out me…

Mostly, I’ve just tried to listen empathetically. Once or twice, I’ve said I had something to share if it’s okay. Trying not to be too much in the “solve-it” mode.

Is it too “masculine” to encourage? I feel confident you’ll figure it all out… I see you as a caring man and a great problem-solver. This will all work itself out….

Yesterday he said he feels afraid all of this “stuff” will scare me away. I said “I’m not going anywhere.”

I’m feeling a bit powerless. I’m not feeling too sure how best to support him. I don’t want to be in the mommy or masculine role.

Ideas?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:58am
66: Goddess Lily says:

Let me be an example for the con side of dating someone at work.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:59am
67: Daria says:

Thanks Lama – i feel smily! thank you for your post to me, it triggered me to notice some upsetting emotions … and embrace some things i’ve never embraced before

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:00am
68: Iamabutterfly says:

@56 Starla – “fw, he’s really not a pessimist per se, but he’s been so complain-y lately. i felt like i was getting slapped in the face for wishing him good luck. like “actually i’m having bad luck but thanks anyway jerkstarla””

wow, Starla. I don’t see how he is being complain-y.

(except the physical stuff, I guess. but even then, it sounded more like he was sharing little ailments with you, rather than “complaining” about them.

complaining would sound more to me like

“I can’t do a good job on this interview BECAUSE of all my physical ailments and I’m not good enough for this job interview and ugggg…” or something.)

Does that even make sense? It just kinda feels like you’re reading more into what’s actually there, maybe?

you know him better than I do, though…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:01am
69: Iamabutterfly says:

@52 Feminine Woman – wow, I really like that!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:03am
70: Starla says:

lama you are probably right:)

i think i’m on a hair trigger because all month he’s been on this ridiculously strict diet and he is complaining about it.

and part of the reason i don’t like chatting with him all day long on IM is because i’ll say something, and he’ll respond by saying “my arm hurts” or something like that. or “i’m so tired.”

and it feels boring and draining and i want to feel important, d*mnit

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:07am
71: Femininewoman says:

Mel I have seen Rori siggest “bummer” of stuff like that must suck or I can how how you must feel ________. I believe a light touch on the shoulder or holding of his hand could make a difference in such situations too.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:07am
72: Daria says:

I pushed my CD back I pushed my CD back I pushed my CD back!!!! wooo hooo

time wise i mean lol

now i don’t have to rush and be ready in 25 min (we havent eaten dinner here!!! yet) nad instead will meet him at 9:30

yayyy!

whihc is an hour ana half

oh i feel so happy

i felt soo insecure doing it!

but also secure

lol

hes like hey if you have ohter plans i understand, im like no i dont really

i do want to meet w u lol

i can meet at 9 30 earliest or really for me if i know a couple days ahead of time that would feel good

what do you think?

heheheheheheeeee

it feels great that i like this Cd’s voice yum

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:07am
73: Heart says:

mel – how is it all making you feel?

your encouragements sound good!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:09am
74: Starla says:

when he was like “but thanks” i took it as sarcasm. and i am sure it was.

i dunnooooooooooooo

his interview is gonna go great though. i know it will. he’s solid.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:09am
75: Femininewoman says:

aahhh Starla now I am here wondering. I have heard Rori say that she is against men being vegans because it takes away from their masculine vibe. I believe she said she is totally against it, I hope I am quoting her right. I am wondering if this is what is showing up here?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:14am
76: Goddess Lily says:

I just want him to know I’m confused by his actions. But I know I can’t inspire him to be better by being jealous even if it is warranted. Thank you everyone. I feel very grateful to those who took the time and energy to respond to me. I still feel crappy but I will not let this affect my job. I will be stronger and choose a better course of action going forward. Thank you sirens!!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:14am
77: Starla says:

i feel like logging back on and asking “are you okay…?”

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:14am
78: Daria says:

i love my stomach lurching

i love htat ‘something is terribly wrong or is gonna go terribly wrong feeling’

i love the feeling of sweat breaking out in my skin the nausea the puddling feeling

i feel sick i love my sick feeling

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:16am
79: Iamabutterfly says:

@67 Daria – i feel shy asking, but I still feel sooooo curious as to who you were talking to in comment #24.

I think you were probably talking to Miss Stix, though, am I right?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:19am
80: Starla says:

FW, i strongly am against his diet. it’s not enough food in my opinion. but it does include fish and/or chicken twice a day.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:21am
81: Goddess Lily says:

Raising my degree of difficulty….one day at a time. Micro baby steps

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:21am
82: bloom-ing says:

iamabutterfly, lg is laughing goddess : )

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:23am
83: Femininewoman says:

Starla I am struggling with myself trying to figure out how to word “Starla do you think you want to fix him and maybe that is the reason you believe he is not your guy?” Don’t know how to say it otherwise so please skip over if it feels critical or blamey or rude.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:27am
84: Tam says:

20 Daria I felt mocked too, but I believe that people do what they have to do and I practice forgiveness even if in the heat of the moment I want to protest.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:28am
85: Rebecca says:

I feel a little pissed off today…

I got rejected from 3 jobs boo hoo (

1 I thought I would defo get and 1 I thought I would get a second interview for…

I feel soooo rejected and feel like just bursting anger in my belly.

Feelings like I am NOT good enough. I WILL never be good enough… nothing good happens to me….

Arrrggghhh

Sorry to let it out on the blog…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:30am
86: Tam says:

Rebecca…you are good enough, you will always be good enough…only good things will happen to you, well not ‘only’ but those perceiced as bad may be a blessing in disguise.
(((Rebecca)))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:33am
87: Femininewoman says:

Tam/Daria when I wrote 21 as soon as I hit send something inside me said “I wonder if it is the screen name why I unconsciously got that mocking energy in the words”. I keep going back to Rori’s post about the meanings “I” attach to words. Thank you Starla and Turquoise for bringing my focus on words to my attention in the past. I am not there yet but things are slowly kinda making sense to me now.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:34am
88: Rebecca says:

I need to let these feelings sit with me…

I need to embrace them…

If anyone has any suggestions for the best way to riff this through FW, Daria it would be greatly appreciated…

I really want to see if I can turn this negativity around for myself. I don’t think I have ever done it before..

I feel scared..

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:34am
89: Starla says:

fw, no i don’t want to fix him. i’m just feeling curious about how i wanted to run away from the conversation. but now i am realizing — he used to ask me how i am every day and now it’s just always about him. i found myself talking about myself without prompting and sharing things about myself because he doesn’t ask. and it feels kind of sad and lame, because i’m a magical, marvelous, wondrous woman who does unique and magical things, and i feel really unvalued for those things so i’m kind of trying to “campaign” a bit.

hehe i feel silly.

for the record, all of this feels mostly inconsequential. he’s just a cd and there are many others. but i do feel very curious about the triggers and the experience.

and i also feel like maybe some communication will change the dynamic a bit.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:35am
90: Rebecca says:

@86: Tam says:

Thanks Tam… that feels so nice to read… I am crying now..

I feel a mess..

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:36am
91: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca please feel free to let it out. Better than allowing it to grow like cancer in your breasts. I am still reeling from a similar situation just that mine would have been a promotion and I am still facing the people I felt embarassed in front of.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:36am
92: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel unsure why, but I feel embarassed of all my spamming, question asking, and riffing. (do I truly riff on here?)

It would feel great to talk about a “magnetic man” experience I had the other night, but I feel scared that I’m going to get judged for some reason.

I felt so great, energized, happy, and excited about life the other night.

I was really bubbly with a group of people; new friends, old friends, some strangers who I hesitate to call strangers because I felt so connected to everyone.

I swear, I felt like I had every man’s attention in the room. I don’t think I was being loud or demanding of attention by any means. I just felt excited and happy and I was sharing stories and feeling great.

I feel so embarassed even thinking about this, but one of my married guy friends seemed like, magnetically attracted to me, and it makes me feel really guilty.

He was like, watching me with this awe/delighted look on his face.

also, my engaged guy friend who always makes me feel so confused about how i feel about him: (when I’m upset, he’s the first person I turn to for a hug. Sometimes i feel really attracted to him, othertimes, really turned off by him. I respect and appreciate him a lot. I don’t think I could “be” with him on a long term basis because he has the same occupation as my Dad, and it feels really triggering for me because it’s not a “family man” occupation, and I really, really want a man who will be home at night to tend to me and be there for our kids. I should also note that while I felt a little sad to lose one of my single friends to another engagement, I also felt really happy for him, too.)

anyway, I digress.

I felt so magnetically attractive and powerful and it felt really over-whelming, good, and a little scary!

I just wanted to write about that, so I remember that it did actually happen…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:36am
93: bloom-ing says:

Rebecca,

i feel curious about something…. “nothing good happens to me….” you wrote that above & i felt Ouch ! stung ! reading that…. & i feel curious, because i have been Practicing taking “old stories” from my mind (like, “i was bullied in school”) & going back into them & NOT “fitting” the story to my “pattern” but instead trying to See that it might be What I Already Want lol…. like “oh, that girl wasn’t so much Mean to me, as i suppose we just didn’t really Click & it made space for me to have a different friend”

anywayz, sorry. i made that sound really boring. but maybe you could write the story of your life in a way where you are getting what you want : )

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:38am
94: Iamabutterfly says:

@82 thanks, bloom-ing!

@Rebecca – just let go. don’t be scared to shock us (or yourself!)

It feels amazing and cathartic once you get “it” all out of you…

how do you feel?

don’t hold back!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:38am
95: bloom-ing says:

oh, sorry, & also gratitude – like, often i was bullied for “antisocial” behavior, so it’s kind of an act of love if you can take it that way…. lol : )

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:39am
96: Femininewoman says:

hhmmm Starla interesting I am thinking how do we make room in a partnership for both to share those types of feelings. I see Rori talking about “you go first” but when we go into the territory of leaning forwardencouragingcheerleading” I wonder if this is what we get? I am not suggesting that is what you do all the time just that I noticed you began this interaction. Or is it just a snippet from the middle?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:40am
97: Femininewoman says:

Daria has been dubbed the Queen of Riffing by Rori.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:43am
98: Starla says:

fw that was the whole interaction start to finish

thanks for everyone’s help here:)

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:43am
99: Tam says:

(((((Rebecca)))) I am slathering on the love….you are so cool and I hope you can see that tonight!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:44am
100: MissStix says:

I feel resistant to actual dates.

And I wonder in my mind…”why does is matter?” I have plenty of men in my life to feel open to. To sink in around. To be around. To feel around. I have only one man I desire sex with. I have only one man I feel desire to take me out on a date.

But I have plenty of men around me to practice in the presence of. But I feel resistant to accepting their money, or their penis. giggles now. Oh teah there’s only one penis I want and only one set of male hands I want to physically recieve from. But I shall not shut out the other men around me. Oh no. Especially when the air feels dense in their presence. hmmmm I feel very smily and mysterious twinkly eyed and giggly.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:45am
101: Femininewoman says:

i’m a magical, marvelous, wondrous woman who does unique and magical things,

I love how you describe yourself Starla and the level of awareness that you demonstrate.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:46am
102: MissStix says:

Oh yes and there are other ways I receive from these men. Mmmm yes. They want to give to me to and I accept…In a different way. A different vibe.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:47am
103: Rebecca says:

@93: bloom-ing

That’s so nice, I see what you are saying. I just feel so out of control. Whenever I ‘want’ something, it just always seems to slip through my hands, it’s such a hopeless feeling. It’s like I sense it’s going to happen even before it happens.

I remember when my brother told me his wife was pregnant, and the next day my cat got killed, and I felt so angry because I was so jealous of my brother. He has a great job, wife and now a child on the way I couldn’t even have a cat. And I just felt angry.

I know what you are saying though. I need to turn this around and to see the positives..

Thank you for reminding me of that

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:47am
104: Goddess Lily says:

Rebecca and everyone else,

Please let out your feelings. My mother holds everything in, doesn’t barely ever cry, curse, or raise her voice. Now her feelings have manifested into a physical response. It affects her memory and causes her gastrointestinal problems. She had to take disability retirement because she couldn’t function at work anymore.

PLEASE let it all out and sink into them.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:50am
105: Daria says:

lamabutterfly – I was talking to Laughing Goddess

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:50am
106: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel really embarassed and scared to write about this. I feel paranoid that “someone I really know out there” is going to read it and know what I’m talking about. that’s so weird.

I need advice!

I just found out via facebook that a close family member to Seenmecry CD has passed away.

I feel so sad for him, and I really want to reach out with a sympathy card, but I feel so scared, disconnected from him, and a little guilty for disconnecting myself from him, in order to “protect” myself.

Honestly, there are relationships that are bigger and more important than romantic relationships.

I really want to show my support.

What does everyone think about this?
How does everyone feel about this?

any advice?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:51am
107: Iamabutterfly says:

@105 Daria – thank you. I feel shy.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:52am
108: Goddess Lily says:

Rebecca,

You are probably being saved. YOU were too good for those jobs. It’s awful to feel the rejection but one day you will laugh and say things sure do happen for a reason.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:54am
109: Rebecca says:

94: Iamabutterfly says:

How do you feel?

I just feel deflated. Like I can’t do anymore than I am doing. This is it. I am doing my best and it hurts like mad to know that my best is not nearly good enough. I just feel at the bottom of the queue – unseen and unheard…

I feel angry at myself for not being what I would ‘like in my minds eye’ to be…

I feel sad. I feel like a failure…

Gosh, I need to turn this around in someway..

For years now (maybe 15) I have had huge anxiety about not being good enough. To the point where I have felt suicidal. I have feelings like ‘how did I get here?’ – ‘how is this my life?’

Everyone wants to feel competent and like they can achieve and end objective. I never feel like that. I feel so paralysed with fear half the time and so scared of criticism.

I am only scared of criticism when I do not feel like I understand it, or that I can’t change the thing that I am not doing quite right.

I just feel I am giving everything but it is not even nearly enough.

And I know I have to change my attitude.. I just want to be a winner. I am so sick of being a loser.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:56am
110: Goddess Lily says:

((((Rebecca))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:01am
111: Daria says:

‘there are relationships that are bigger and more important than romantic relationships.’

– i dont choose this belief

though parent (me) to child relationship yes

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:02am
112: Daria says:

and not always that

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:02am
113: bloom-ing says:

Rebecca,

“I just feel so out of control. Whenever I ‘want’ something, it just always seems to slip through my hands, it’s such a hopeless feeling. It’s like I sense it’s going to happen even before it happens.”

reading this, i feel happy actually – i am not sure quite why. i feel really affectionate toward you & sweet also. thank you. & i feel curious about this…. like Wanting having 2 different ways – happy to have it / afraid of not having it……. maybe you can do something with that ? : ) hugs i feel happy for you in advance : )))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:05am
114: Daria says:

Lama – i am thinking Rori would say it’s ok to express condolences.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:05am
115: Daria says:

Rebecca – i relate to the feeling sick of feeling like a loser thing

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:07am
116: Iamabutterfly says:

@109 ((((((((((((((((Rebecca)))))))))))))))))) – I have felt the same way. It’s okay. You are not alone. Your best IS good enough, and there’s even more good stuff to be found! (yes, there is!)

You have untapped courage. It is in there, I know it! The fact that you are blogging about it shows its in there!

You are WORTHY.
You are GOOD ENOUGH.
You are AMAZING.

Exactly where you are in life.
Exactly who you are…

We are all constantly growing and evolving.

We are good enough NOW.
we can better, yes, but we are LOVED, ADORED, CHERISHED now!

I really want to talk to you about God and Jesus, but I feel scared because “religion” is a no-no on the bloggie.

but I feel inspired by your courage!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:07am
117: Iamabutterfly says:

@114 Daria – thanks, Daria!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:08am
118: Iamabutterfly says:

Rebecca – my comment to you went into moderation, but I hope it shows up, and if it doesn’t, maybe we can email. ((((((((((((((Rebecca)))))))))))))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:09am
119: Iamabutterfly says:

I think this part of my comment is safe, at least.

@109 ((((((((((((((((Rebecca)))))))))))))))))) – I have felt the same way. It’s okay. You are not alone. Your best IS good enough, and there’s even more good stuff to be found! (yes, there is!)

You have untapped courage. It is in there, I know it! The fact that you are blogging about it shows its in there!

You are WORTHY.
You are GOOD ENOUGH.
You are AMAZING.

Exactly where you are in life.
Exactly who you are…

We are all constantly growing and evolving.

We are good enough NOW.
we can better, yes, but we are LOVED, ADORED, CHERISHED now!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:10am
120: Iamabutterfly says:

Let’s try this…

I really want to talk to you about G0d and J3sus, but I feel scared because “rel1g1on” is a no-no on the bloggie.

but I feel inspired by your courage!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:12am
121: Iamabutterfly says:

it worked. hugs to you, Rebecca!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:12am
122: Rebecca says:

@94: Iamabutterfly

Thank you.

Sometimes I feel so incompetent I’m surprised I can even dress myself correctly and that I don’t leave my house with my clothes on inside out, or my skirt tucked into my knickers.

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I think I was in the front of the queue when God was handing out absentmindedness. I swear it should be an illness because then I could get treatment for it.

Once I saw on a program on TV how people can actually genuinely be absentminded and I really thought of myself. It’s just one of my traits I guess but it really just is so difficult sometimes.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:16am
123: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca you realize it could be a defense mechanism you could have developed for blocking out the difficult feelings you are dealing with?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:21am
124: Femininewoman says:

Maybe it is just a way to protect yourself ((((((((Rebecca))))))))))))). It might just be you protecting little Rebecca.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:22am
125: Belle says:

I feel all happypuppydance can I tell you how excited I feel???

That trigger yesterday was so wonderful and totally directed to what’s opening up for me today!
That guy, K, who was all like, “I thought we were friends,” *giggle* really got me to thinking and I was noticing thoughts like, “I don’t need friends like you!” *I* get to choose!!!

That little victim yesterday, was unconsciously putting myself in others’ places…oh, I could have used a hand up, so therefore I should be the friend of everyone going through a tough time.
Uhh..NO. Done. I have friends that do need a hand up and I know they sincerely love and appreciate me, I KNOW that VIBE, no doubt about it. The little one needed her mommy so I gave her a wonderful one and now I don’t feel like I need to mother the whole frigging world now.

I can see that mother again, too, looking at me with so much love while she’s rocking the baby. She has beautiful brown eyes and she has eternal, infinite patience and is so attuned to the baby’s needs that she will never need to sit in a dirty diaper, she’ll always have the breast the instant she needs it and never wait, all of the rocking and singing and love and belonging and loving eye contact she’ll ever need.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:23am
126: Iamabutterfly says:

@122 Rebecca – Wow, Rebecca. There’s nothing wrong with being absent-minded. As an absent-minded person myself, I know how frustrating it can feel (to yourself, most of all!) to be forgetful, not-on-task, etc.

My guy friend (whom I mentioned above,) he was telling me how much he loved me. and I kept saying, “even though I’m scatter-brained, messy, and crazy emotional?”

and he was like, yes.

and I was like, even though I can come across as really mean and judgmental when I passionately rant about a particular topic?

and he was like, yes, especially then.

You can be loved for everything you are, even for the parts you don’t like about yourself.

but I hope you can learn to LOVE those parts of yourself, or maybe just put a positive spin on them.

for example,

I’m absent-minded, but that’s what makes me so interesting! I’m always thinking about so much or just “feeling and being” that I sometimes “forget” important things. but my idealism is what inspires people! or my forgetfulness brings out the compassionate side in people!

however you can spin it so you learn to love it!

(((((((((((Rebecca))))))))))))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:25am
127: Tam says:

I feel happy. My bags are packed, I treated my parents to a meal at a restaurant ( difficult but ok evening) and I feel at peace.
There were some icky moments when I felt interrogated and there was disapproval but I dodged it by being open and expressing myself authentically.
I feel really happy and hopeful for my future. There are CD’s waiting for me, my friends waiting for me and possibly MrP.
The world is my oyster, I feel free and courageous.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:27am
128: Femininewoman says:

aaaaawww Tam

I wish you love, joy and happiness on your adventure.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:29am
129: Femininewoman says:

I feel so triggered reading “Pining is romantic’

It feels like my head swelling with pressure build up Then my nose feels tingly. I feel my throat tightening up and like I want to yell and scream. Then I notice headachey feelings in my forehead and gurgly movements in my stomach. I feel like I want to stomp and scream and throw a tantrum.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:32am
130: Iamabutterfly says:

@126 Iamabutterfly – yes, I am commenting on my own comment!

wow. I feel so confused and curious.

what exactly was my guy engaged friend trying to tell me?

that he loves me?
and I can’t hear it for some reason?

he said one of the most romantic things anyone has ever said to me,

“I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

but I don’t think I want to marry him.
I don’t think it’s because I feel scared of intimacy, either.

I do feel thankful for his love, though.
Whatever kind of love that is…

It feels like the kind of love that is greater than romantic love…

I do believe in a love greater than romantic love…

it’s the love that is patient and kind. doesn’t envy or boast. isn’t arrogant or rude. doesn’t insist on its own way. is not irritable or resentful. it does not rejoice in wrong-doing. but rejoices with the truth.

This kind of love
bears all things
endures all things
hopes all things
believes all things

This kind of love
never fails

Now I know in part,
but then I will know fully,
as I am fully known.

Now these three remain:
faith, hope, and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

Yes, everyone. I believe in a love greater than romance. greater than parent love.

greater than all love…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:33am
131: Belle says:

57
Iamabutterfly

Black Swan is by Susan Anderson
It was interesting to notice where I went into resistance and arguing while reading it…
at one point, I thought, “Why would she do that/believe that/think that? That doesn’t even make sense..”I” would have done (blah blah )” and some other voice finally said very gently, “can you just accept that she did?” and I felt settled down.
It was as if it was reflecting to me where I was in denial about some aspects of my inner world.

Once I was done with the book and it had some time to digest, I could see exactly where I had done exactly what I was resisting in the character, where I had made choices or came to conclusions that made no sense, were not rational.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:34am
132: Dominique says:

Rebecca – And maybe your absentmindedness is a sign of your genius. You have SO much which is interesting, exciting, all of these fun thoughts going on at once, it can feel so easy t be distracted by them.

This is how I choose to look at my own absentmindedness. And I drop things a lot of the time too.

If you find though that these thoughts veer to the anxiety end of the spectrum, how about redirecting them.

xxoo

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:34am
133: Tam says:

Thank you FW!! I will check in now and then

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:35am
134: MissStix says:

Hmmm so she was talking to someone else. Mmm this feels good though because her post resonated with me. Yes. I do feel that way/think that way. Ok this is ALL good…I love this gross icky feeling too.I am learning from it. I love all my feelings. Yes I do! I love all my thoughts too. Thoughts bring feelings too. And yes I think “trigger” and “response” and feeling” but I also think “this is too simple. Far too simple.”
I have trigger, then thought, then feeling, and how does that feeling feel? How does it manifest. What does the feeling look like? What colour is it? Texture? What word is it? What colour is the word? Texture? What action do I want to take, and does this action feel…Free, easy, difficult, is it a head action focus or a body action focus? And…What words do I want to release? And how do those words feel?

It is very complex there in my brain and that feels bubbly funny. It says “Hey stix, guess what? You get you!” Hooray! and I throw my arms in the air and grin!!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:35am
135: The more I pull back- the more Distant he seems? says:

Hi Rori, I am in a bind & just don’t know what to do, even with all the tools I’ve used. I met & started dating this wonderful man for the last 10 months who has showered me with nothing but attention, affection, and connected with me in a way no other has in a long time. Yet, he is very afraid of having a serious relationship & commitment from our conversations. He has never been in a long-term relationship for more than 1.5-2 years and he is in his early 40′s. Just recently & out of the blue when we were starting to get closer, he told me that he’s afraid that he can’t give me what it is I want- a long-term committed realtionship and eventually marriage. That he doesn’t think that is his path and is unsure of what he wants. I was broken hearted and asked if he wanted to end things right then & there- but instead he broke down crying & for the first time told me how much he loves me, cares about me, & how wonderful of a woman I am & how he wants to make me happy, but doesn’t know why he feels this way. We both cried, but I ended up leaving that night. I told him I was looking for real love and someone willing to take a risk on love for me and that perhaps we need some time apart & a break until we felt ready to talk again. We didn’t communicate for about over 2 weeks- until he sent me a very neutral email to see how I was doing. I told him was ready to talk, so we agreed to meet. He told me that he has never given his heart to anyone and he doesn’t know why. I told him how I felt- focusing on what I want & my feelings- to feel loved by someone I can trust, etc. He heard me out- but was quiet & a bit distant at first. I told him I was okay with whatever he decides- breaking up for good right then & there, or if he wanted to still try things & continue dating- that was okay, he could take his time, but I’ll be keeping my options open & will date others too in meantime since he’s on the fence. I went away for the weekend camping on my own as I already had it planned for while. However, after we talked again on phone when I came back, I feel he is becoming more distant. He’s pleasant, but so far not as affectionate or sweet, & seems to be more guarded. I am the one who pulled back initially & told him that I will not wait around for him & will start to date others, but it seems that the more that I pull back, the more distant he becomes. He is calling less (not more) & not using our pet nicknames, or calling me baby or anything. I try to be as happy and upbeat and tell him about all the things I have going on for myself. In meantime, I have tried to talk with & start meeting other men, so I do feel more confident already. Anyhow, earlier this week he has asked to hang out with me this weekend. I told him I was already busy Friday night with dinner plans ( which I truly do have plans with a friend) but that I was free Saturday. He asked me to go with him to his friend’s gathering on Saturday night – and that he would also join me at my friend’s house-warming during the day ( very much a couple’s activity). Yesterday was his birthday, so I called to wish him happy birthday, but he didn’t call me back until end of the day and he seemed a bit tired, or distant/ uninterested in the conversation. He told me his friend’s thing was cancelled, but asked if I want to watch a movie with him at his place instead after we come back from my friend’s thing. I said yes. But, I am starting to feel a bit anxious and nervous as this is our first time back together in about a month since we took a break & then started talked again. I want to enjoy the present moment with him, have fun, be loving and be open to affection but not sure if that’s the best thing to do or if I should continue to keep my own distance. I ESPECIALLY Do NOT KNOW what to do about being intimate with him again this Saturday. We’re in a shady grey area where we’re still together “trying things out” but we are not really solid & there is no real commitment from him yet. I feel I could be okay being intimate and want to, but what if that complicates things, or if I don’t stay the night with him- will it actually make things more awkward and push him away even farther because I’m pulling away so much? I want to tell him that I just want to enjoy our time together, be in the present moment, no stress/ pressure right now because I’m not worried about the outcome of what happens down the road as I know whatever is meant to be is meant to be. Help…?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:37am
136: Iamabutterfly says:

@132 Dominique – yes, thank you, this feels brilliant and resonates with me.

Rebecca, my dad is one of the most brilliant men I know. He is an out-standing writer, thinker, philosopher, and communicator. he speaks two languages fluently and perfectly. his grammatical mastery of these two languages completely blows my (and many native speakers!) minds.

and he is one of the most absent-minded people I know.

and I love and respect him deeply!

please don’t beat yourself up for your absent-mindedness. You are precious and worthy of so much more love than you could ever imagine.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:39am
137: MissStix says:

And when I get home my brain will say “hello boy!” hmmm and what can I feel around you today? and how can I love it? And oh…Am I playing with fire? no no. Any man can fall madly and deeply in love with me.It’s cool. I know exactly how to feel that and release it. Oh yes. If you fall madly and deeply in love with me boy…It’s cool.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:40am
138: Tam says:

This post really resonates with me. I step away from pain and past into the future, this feels sooo good.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:41am
139: MissStix says:

oh and I think I can’t wait to write out what I felt around you. Mmmm hmmm oh yes. It will taste delicious I think. We will see….

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:42am
140: Laughing Goddess says:

Mmmm, just had a fun morning date with my guy and just finished a yummy, yummy breakfast that he made for us…

Scrambled eggs w/ feta cheese on an English muffin. Simple but it tasted sooooo good. I feel satisfied.

Haven’t really caught up on things here, just did some quick skimming. I feel surprised (but not totally) to see my screen name being criticized. Part of me want to go into explaining mode about why I chose that name and part of me feels like, why bother? People are gonna think what they wanna think. What’s that term? Confirmation bias?

Gonna keep smiling anyway.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:51am
141: Laughing Goddess says:

Dominique 131

Love this!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:52am
142: Annie says:

Goddess lily we could give our opinion on what we would write from our perspective if it were us experiencing those things and our truth and our feelings.
That is not your truth or your feelings or where you are at though.

So what is your truth and your feelings on these issues.

What do you think about using the tools writing your truth and tweaking and tweaking until it feels right for you to say?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:57am
143: Belle says:

I feel good about me
I feel GOOD about me
I FEEL GOOD about MEEEEEE!
It’s all about me right now and I feel good
in my heart just
goooood!

I learned my lesson
I bless my sisters

Sirens, don’t you think it would feel really really good if you and your man were having problems and he started sniffing around some chick talking “friends” and wanting a shoulder to cry on
wouldn’t it feel good to know a woman’s got your back, refused to give him her number and sent him on his way with a prayer dedicated to the two of you?? With your name all written in black and white so there’s no pretending like you aren’t a real live human being who probably really loves her man despite his sad story???

(I doubt he’ll have the guts to show it to her because then he might have to explain how he was whining about their problems to me but so be it, I played my part.)

I know I know
it’s probably a no-brainer for a lot of you
I was raised to believe I was trash
and I acted like trash
I know better now and I love and honor and cherish my sisters and
ME
and am feeling
good
in my HEART
solid
gold
goodness

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:03pm
144: Annie says:

34: Goddess says:

“Do I express in fms how I felt when I saw my work ex flirting with another coworker or am I supposed to let it go?

Once again, I am asking for feedback.”

Only if he approaches you initiates conversation and it is the moment and in the flow.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:04pm
145: Annie says:

An example would be if he initiated conversation and you then expresses how talking to him was making you feel in a n expressive and authentic way for you.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:05pm
146: Iamabutterfly says:

@131 – Thank you, Belle. I was reading through the amazon reviews, and the reviewers all seemed to unanmously (sp?) agree that the journey from Heartbreak to Connection is her best book. Have you read that one by any chance?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:06pm
147: Iamabutterfly says:

@ 142 Belle – Holy crap, Belle. I feel so extremely connected to you.

“don’t you think it would feel really really good if you and your man were having problems and he started sniffing around some chick talking “friends” and wanting a shoulder to cry on
wouldn’t it feel good to know a woman’s got your back, refused to give him her number and sent him on his way with a prayer dedicated to the two of you?? With your name all written in black and white so there’s no pretending like you aren’t a real live human being who probably really loves her man despite his sad story???”

I have felt this way so many times. I don’t believe in “man-stealing.” I do believe in a kind of romantic integrity, if that even makes sense.

I hate it when women try to “steal” men from me, or when “taken” men “feel me out” to see what they can get away with. I hate it so so so much. It feels NASTY. It feels AWFUL.

((((((((((Belle))))))))))))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:10pm
148: Goddess Lily says:

Belle and Iama,

I concur 100%. I felt awful when I found out my friend had agreed to have us meet up with a man that was already taken and she knew ahead of time. I was still trying to practice tools while we say across from him and his friend but I couldn’t help feeling angry while in the situation. Angry at him for being there but more angry at her since she is an otherwise insecure woman herself. I knew she wouldn’t want her man to do that so why was she there being the other woman? I just felt gross the while time.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:26pm
149: Goddess Lily says:

Belle and Iama,

I concur 100%. I felt awful when I found out my friend had agreed to have us meet up with a man that was already taken and she knew ahead of time. I was still trying to practice tools while we say across from him and his friend but I couldn’t help feeling angry while in the situation. Angry at him for being there but more angry at her since she is an otherwise insecure woman herself. I knew she wouldn’t want her man to do that so why was she there being the other woman? I just felt gross the while time.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:26pm
150: Rebecca says:

@134: Iamabutterfly

Wow, that resonates with me too. In fact I was just thinking along the same lines regarding my own father.

Me and him were weirdly similar, and he suffered chronic anxiety and depression. It was heartbreaking to watch. I feel I am incredibly similar to him. Scary.

Lol, it feels weird making the connection. I fear I may have a fatalist attitude to everything.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:26pm
151: Rebecca says:

@131: Dominique

What a great comment. I’m gonna read it a few more times till it sinks in!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:27pm
152: Laughing Goddess says:

Mel 65

What came to mind when I read your post is that the most supportive thing might be to just keep things normal, as in dont treat him any different than you normally would. Maybe be his anchor to what life is like when this family stress isn’t in play…the light at the end of the tunnel.

How does that feel?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:27pm
153: Iamabutterfly says:

@149 (((((((Rebecca))))))) – I understand. My mom and I are very similar in very sad ways. My heart breaks for her pain, and I share so much of the same pain.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:31pm
154: Iamabutterfly says:

@148 Goddess Lily – i completely understand. We women have to trust and support each other. We play such a huge part in nuturing and healing this broken world. We have such power, such gifts. It feels wrong to backstab and steal and cheat. Do unto others as you would have done to you, as the saying goes…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:49pm
155: bloom-ing says:

laughing goddess, i feel surprised to read that you heard other posts “criticized” your screen name….. to me, felt more just like an idea, an association, a memory being shared…. a little, “oh ! i think i just got something (about myself)”… mm what do you think? & actually i felt grateful to read that “hint” maybe where i was “going wrong” in my interpretations & actually i felt inspired to go back & re-read some of your comments later when i have time to see how my unconscious filters may be affecting what i’m reading…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:53pm
156: Belle says:

Iama
144
I wonder if we are looking at different sites somehow? I only see one review that preferred the other book…at any rate, I haven’t read it so I can’t compare.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:54pm
157: bloom-ing says:

& also i agree with daria in that i respect & admire you & feel excited & happy to see you & hear you…. when i used to lurklurk on the blog, i felt catching sight of you was like a unicorn : ))) so magical !!!!! yay : )

& also also i feel curious to read whatever you want to write to me after your post was definitively obliterated by the Universe lol : )

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:56pm
158: Femininewoman says:

And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a man away is to RESIST them.
The way to live with negative feelings that BRINGS A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them.
And that doesn’t just mean just feeling them for a moment and then moving on to something else to distract ourselves…

It means FULLY FEELING your feelings by SINKING INTO them.
And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a man away is to RESIST them.
The way to live with negative feelings that BRINGS A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them.
And that doesn’t just mean just feeling them for a moment and then moving on to something else to distract ourselves…
It means FULLY FEELING your feelings by SINKING INTO them.

Rori

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:56pm
159: Iamabutterfly says:

@155 Belle – hey, Belle. I was reading the reviews for the Black Swan. the one negative review referred me to another book with 4.5 out of 5 stars, which led me to another book which got 5 out of 5 stars. Ideally, if I were to buy a book, I’d only like to buy one.

just felt curious.

thanks!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 12:58pm
160: Emoticon says:

1 question, has anyone ever met someone on CL and how did it go?

well 2 questions lol

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:21pm
161: Daria says:

im back from the CD i feel so unworthy!

ack rolling my eyes

it felt nice

i feel so insecure around some guys here

umf

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:21pm
162: Daria says:

im thinking he’s turned off by me saying i smoke mj in cali everynite

lol

that hes judging me in his head my cousins voice is saying that

tho hes telling me he smoked too and has even done stuff i wouldnt

well

i feel so insecure

great practice to feel insecure about this like i usually do with people who dont have the same ways as me

so im gonnna practice sinking into these feelings of insecurity

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:24pm
163: Daria says:

i feel all sad that i dont know how ‘market’ my great points here

i even went out wearing somethign conservative and not that sexy cuz it was comfy

i feel way not good enough

i feel like this :/ and panicked or something

i feel like pushign it all away

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:26pm
164: Daria says:

he was great tho. handsome and interesting and a gentleman

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:26pm
165: Daria says:

i miss the ways of men ive dated where i can tell theyre into me

or i can just assume tehyre into me cuz ‘everyone’s into me’ is a given

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:27pm
166: Femininewoman says:

Michelle – you are missing the point here….when he said “You’ve been quiet” – you took that as a request to initiate more – and he DIDN’T SAY THAT! We women get ourselves into trouble when we try to INTERPRET what a man says. He merely commented that you’d been quiet. How do you know he didn’t LIKE that?!!! This kind of moment is your opportunity to use feeling messages – Oh, It feels good to hear your voice, and I just don’t feel good reaching out to men. It feels much better to just let you run how things go. It feels great to me to just lay back on my couch and sip tea and see what happens…” Anything like that.

The moment you started leaning forward, you created a new dynamic. Do NOT call a man (unless he ASKS you to call to confirm something or other)! There is nothing for yu to share – you’ve only had 6 dates – and he’s pretty much telling you directly that he’s done. He’s lost interest. There’s NOTHING you can do at this point that wouldn’t make it worse. Just leanback, Circular Date, meet and date other men.

Also – do NOT go to a man’s place if you can help it! You have NO power there! Love, Rori

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:32pm
167: FlowerChild77 says:

I am WAY behind on reading the blog, here…but, today’s words from Rori are just exactly what I needed to hear.

About a month ago, I had started to ‘turn a corner’ in moving past the pain of losing my best friend, soul mate and partner (fiance) in April. I’m not “over” it, but I was doing better—after four months of pure hell. I was finally swimming, losing some weight, eating healthy and FEELING good more often. It was a process. I was galloping slowly, but I was on my horse.

Then….my oldest son (32) got in the car accident (August 29th) and everything (progress, feeling good, my journey) pretty much flew out the window and here I am, again….trying to move somewhere….anywhere…away from this pain.

We purchased the plot last week and today and tomorrow we (my younger son and I) are figuring out what goes on the stone. I am having their father’s ashes moved (from another city about 40 miles away) so they can be buried together.

This is excruciatingly painful, plain and simple. I am fearful that I may have to lump ‘all of this’ into “the past” in order to move on in any significant way. And yes…baby steps are significant <3

I STILL do not want to take anti-depressants to get through this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:32pm
168: Femininewoman says:

And yes you CAN hold in your feelings – because you have TONS of feelings, and you don’t need to express every one of them – you get to pick the good-feeling ones if you can, and carefully construct what you say around the rest. Stop contacting him. Stop trying to get anything across to him. If he asks why you don’t call, say it doesn’t feel good to chase him by phone, and it feels good to let him lead the communicating, and that it feels great to hear his voice when he calls.” NO making him wrong! Later on, if you’re really getting ready to talk about being in a relationship (this isn’t one yet) – that’s when you get to talk about “being on the same page” – it’s all in Love Scripts.

Love, Rori

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:34pm
169: Femininewoman says:

FlowerChild aaahhhh

shock relief

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:35pm
170: Daria says:

im just gonna forget about him now

i feel all ‘asky for permission ‘ now after the self doubting thing earlier

i miss my more stronger self

i feel all sad and worthless

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:35pm
171: Daria says:

he really liked and admired that i want to move to brazil and build an natural house there

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:36pm
172: Daria says:

it feels great to me to just lay back on my bed, and sip tea/read and write online, and see what happens

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:37pm
173: Daria says:

((((Flower Child))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:38pm
174: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((((FlowerChild))))))))))))))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:40pm
175: Iamabutterfly says:

((((((((((((((((((((FlowerChild))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:42pm
176: Tam says:

Flowerchild. I admire you.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:56pm
177: Mel says:

Thanks ladies!

Re: 150- good idea LG! If I think he’s perfectly capable of solving this (and I do) then MY attitude should stay consistently cheerful and positive as usual. I’ll listen if he wants to talk, but otherwise things are just normal.

That was what I was leaning toward, but for some reason, I was feeling a little guilty about it. Like, oh, I shouldn’t let him pay for dinner after such a crazy hard day… but I’m glad I did. He seemed happy to do it; no guilt Mel. He wants normal. Of course! Normal and a cute and sympathetic girl to talk to when he needs it.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 1:58pm
178: Daria says:

haha I did a 2 min confidence hypnosis and im feeling HAPPY and smiling again hahaha

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:01pm
179: Starla says:

I feel all loved and special

My boss took us out for lunch and he pressured me to eat cheesecake. It was cute.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:03pm
180: LiliBee says:

165:

((((((FlowerChild))))),

You KNOW you can. Sending you huuuge loving vibes.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:04pm
181: Turquoise says:

This is one of those articles that really resonates with me, and ill come back to. It gave me much to ponder, cinsider and feel through. Wow.

We are all home sick today. Its easier for me to feel vulnerable when i dont feel 100% or “on”, in public. I am going to remember these feelings and try to put myself here when i lack vulnerability.

I actually feel somewhat overwhelmed withbso many meaningful posts and all the self relevation ive read here today. I feel humbled on my journey to always love myself and to love all of someone else, not just the good points or what i feel is good for me.

Iamabutterfly, i too believe that there are other important relationships than romantic or familial love.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:06pm
182: Daria says:

this guy i met like 3 years ago in LA got married to this girl i think he was in love with then (he had a gf ) but he kept talking about this woman, how she was the love of his life (not his gf) and how he’ll never be able to get her back etc

i guess he did! wow! good for him hehe i feel happy

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:09pm
183: Turquoise says:

Ok, I switched over to the laptop from the nook, too hard to post on there

Iamabutterfly, what I was trying to say is that romances will come and go in our lives, but hopefully we’ll meet a lot of quality people along the way and while there may be many amazing men who could be “the one” ultimately, we’ll choose just one. I don’t feel I need to limit my amazing relationships, or not give love to other relationships, or even keep those relationships, just because he isn’t the love of my life. People have value. People have so much value. I love having people close to me. Maybe being from such a large family, I’m the youngest of 7, my parents are both from large families, I have tons of nephews and a beautiful niece, and many inlaws that I truly love. I cannot imagine having a small family or just a few people around me, so I am open to keeping relationships open to people that I value and enjoy, but who may not be the one.

I’m not sure why all those thoughts came through my mind when you asked about offering condolences to an ex, but they did. It really meant a lot to me when an ex that I dated a long time, exclusively, but it ended badly with, reached out to me to offer his sincere condolences when my sister died. I really appreciated it, and it felt that my loss superceded the somewhat petty ending of our relationship more than a year before.

It is ok to lean forward when you have no expectations, don’t want anything in return. I’ve heard Dominique say this.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:20pm
184: Daria says:

Daria im letting you know its ok to ask for help. its ok to ask for reassurance when you feel confused, and its ok to ask Rori or a man to intercede for you when you don’t feel safe

asking for help will not cripple you, it will oepn to you teh world of help out there

in my opinion you did a great job

and you rock and maybe it woudl be good for you to not answer ppl’s questions or doubts about your process

ANd i love your cussing and swearing and saying fuch8kin stuff. its so beautifully dramatic unique and brave..

and its so cool when people get triggered and attack u. can you see how this is just a reafirming of your power>?

you are so rocking and so powerful and just dont feed into that sad vibe, no matter ho confused or whatever it seems on the outside

you dont have to keep brining yourself back to sad emotions when you feel happy. shoot its awesome to keep truning to the postiive

keep trusting yourself youre on the right track

i can tell youre going through a great transformation of loving and being comforable with even more of yourself

get ready for amazing stuff coming your way

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:25pm
185: Starla says:

I’ve been lovin on me so much lately
I’ve got some new, pricey beauty rituals, but I just love it, and I don’t care if I end up having to cut my budget in other places.

I’ve been getting these awesome facials that make my skin look amazing and they are soooooo relaxing

I’ve got a great place for brazilian waxes and i love the results and how awesome having it all waxed off makes me feel

I’ve been getting all my unwanted body/facial hair lasered off (can’t do the bikini zone cuz my hair is too light for the laser to seek out, sad).

I’m in the gym and in great shape

I get my hair professionally dyed and it looks great

Next I’ll be getting my teeth whitened and some eyelash extensions on. I can’t wait!

I feel so glamorous and worth it these days.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:26pm
186: Turquoise says:

Starla, people who complain or seem negative drain me, I will admit that. I try to give the benefit of the doubt, maybe having a hard day, don’t feel well, etc. but if it keeps up, I really do feel a physical draining of energy and I try to limit those relationships, or how much time I give to them.

With that said though, yikes… if my CD told me he almost fell down the stairs and got hurt, I would respond with warmth and concern, probably something like, ohmygosh, are you ok? Or even an ouch!

I struggle here though with being maternal and that being a turn off. I feel uncertain what is ok to share and what gives the mommy vibe. Or when it’s “too much”

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:27pm
187: MissStix says:

((((flowerchild))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:37pm
188: Turquoise says:

Flowerchild, my heart hurts so deeply for you. It truly does. It seems so unfair that people suffer such deep loss, often tragically at the same time. When my sister died, her husband’s mother died the week before. He couldn’t even go to the funeral a few hours away because he was afraid of leaving his wife.

But to lose your child, I don’t know how we survive that pain. To move beyond and put it behind us. My parents now losing two children, I can say, they have gone on, found joy in life, but that pain is still with them.

The difference is, you are here learning and growing and wanting to heal your hurt and be ok, which you should be, because you deserve to be happy and love yourself, and your life. I hope that there is something or someone beautiful and amazing in your near future. I want that so much for you.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:38pm
189: Turquoise says:

Starla, I’m so happy to hear about your beauty rituals! AND, that you haven’t thrown your budget out the window to have them. I’m very inspired with all the changes I’ve seen in you the past year. Wow, you are such a siren!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:40pm
190: Turquoise says:

Daria, how long will you be in Romania? How does it feel being in your homeland with men of your culture? Does it feel much different than dating in California? I’m truly curious, as I’ve always been curious about dating someone from another country. I lived in Germany for almost 3 years, but was with my ex husband then, didn’t even really notice other men.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:45pm
191: Starla says:

i unblocked him to see if he was doing okay, and he said yes it’s no big deal. then i sent a little hug to him, and his response was to complain about how itchy his nose is (he pierced his septum a month ago).

STOP. COMPLAINING.

TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:48pm
192: MissStix says:

I am hiding out because the feelings were BIG. Eeeek shower and hide stix!! No no…I am coming out of hiding right now to feel these feelings.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:49pm
193: Starla says:

i’m seriously starting to feel like dumping him.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:49pm
194: Daria says:

Turqoise – well, its bringing up old insecurities after this date, but i seem to have done a 180 on it right now yay!

im feeling a bit untouched

its also triggering old fears – and i havent been online meeting men due to that

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:51pm
195: Daria says:

im here till october 18th

i feel so excited to get back and smoke some mj and get some massages

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:52pm
196: MissStix says:

Oh…Gone. hehehe that’s what I get for hiding when I had an opportunity to sink in and practice! doh! I feel giggly and shy.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:54pm
197: Laughing Goddess says:

Starla:

Was he like this before the diet? Do you think his negative attitude has to do with having chronic low blood sugar?

Just curious

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:54pm
198: MissStix says:

omgosh like a schoolgirl with a crush! Whaaaaaat? :O ladidah stix! what’s up with you?

Not much just chillin.

No you’re not chillin! You’re all hot and rosy…Funny girl. It’s just a boy!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:55pm
199: Laughing Goddess says:

(((Flowerchild)))

I’m having a hard time finding the words to express all the emotions I am feeling regarding your situation.

Please just know that I feel lots of love, support, and belief in you.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:56pm
200: Daria says:

i feel way more peaceful here tho in some ways

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:56pm
201: Starla says:

i just told him “tell me something good.” i don’t even know what that exactly means but i figured i’d ask for what i want, good stuff.

wow i am feeling this overwhelming urge for moving away from this guy.

i want to be around positive men

i noticed they all complain all the time

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:57pm
202: Starla says:

omg, he said “my stomach hurts from lunch”
in response.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:57pm
203: Daria says:

this date was particularly triggering as it was a ‘fix up’ blind date. ive never had one like that, i usually go on dates with men that ask me out cuz they like me

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:57pm
204: Starla says:

now he’s saying he got me something for my first mountain climb that we’re doing this sunday

he’s teasing me and giving me hints but refusing to tell me what it is

this feels much better

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:59pm
205: Turquoise says:

Daria, you know you are amazing and beautiful and talented, he’s just one guy, and some guys are so blind, or so specific in what they want, they can’t be open to someone different, which I feel different is special. Can you even imagine how boring life would be if there weren’t soooo many different kinds of souls out there? I have not always been open to differences, in fact I was probably kind of rigid…. but spending so much time with Mr. Conversation, who’s slogan (if he had one) would be I’m open to anything! Has opened my eyes.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:01pm
206: Laughing Goddess says:

Daria:

Thanks for asking me directly if there is something going on for me. I feel good about being approached directly.

I’m still processing and sinking into my feelings about it.

I’m noticing that I do have some resistance towards interacting do to a boundary I have around physical violence.

I grew up seeing my mom and step siblings get physically abused by my stepfather and I made a boundary for myself back then that even people who suggest that they feel like hitting me are not allowed in my energetic bubble. It has served me well as the statistics are high that children who grew up with that will recreate that in their adult lives, and I haven’t…which I feel infinitely grateful for.

So that’s what is coming up for me at the moment.

There is more but I’m still sorting it all out and getting clear.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:02pm
207: Laughing Goddess says:

edit: due to a boundary

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:03pm
208: MissStix says:

ohhhhhhh nooooo…Not gone

Hahaha I am laughing so hard at me!!!

Oh lordy…Too much!

It feels so jittery and jumbly and I can’t talk and my palms feel moist and…Bless him he tries to engage me and get me talking.

Oh this is so perfect! Exactly what I need. More please!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:03pm
209: MissStix says:

I feel so nervous funny smiley and I spilled pop all down my chin during this convo. Giggle giggle giggle.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:05pm
210: Femininewoman says:

Line from a song Tell me Somethng Good

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:06pm
211: MissStix says:

And I felt like…”oh no! now you’re running from me because i’n a jumbly mess of a girl and I know it’s fricken cute and weird.”

and G says to me when I do stuff like this:

“This is why I have you around lady!”

Hehe and that feels like….Warm and whoosh and Oh!!! You like me around because I AM ME! Yay!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:08pm
212: Annie says:

I have still not healed from this.
I am not angry about it but am still fairly irritated.
I am back with the same issue and cycle of being misquoted and then made to look like I have said something that I didn’t actually say.

I really do not know what to do apart from not engage with people who do that to me as I don’t want to feel irritated and I have no control over them doing that.

I know it is not entirely personal as they do this to others. I do feel goaded though. Is that even a feeling? Gosh what would the feeling be for that. I don’t know.

Getting called lots of stuff, mmm not nice, well yes I am not always nice as it is sometimes in my best interest to be nicer to myself rather than do what the other person wants so I nicer to them than myself.
My health and my finances are more important than other peoples profits and me not appearing nice to them or others.
So if that is their perception I guess I am able to understand it and accept that they don’t think I am very nice and selfish.

Still do not like my words being misquoted though.
And really don’t want to keep defending myself and reiterating this fact. And feeling pulled into arguing and defending.

How does one effectively stand up for oneself in those circumstances.
I don’t want to appear like I am running away.
I want to stand my ground without getting dragged into endless pointless out reasoning.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:09pm
213: Annie says:

It feels too draining on my energy.
It drags me down, when I want to be lifted up.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:10pm
214: Starla says:

i just need a lot more positive attention from Warrior if things are going to move in any direction, whether it’s sexually or relationship-wise.

when he gives it to me, i feel like a thirsty fern. like yes yes please i’m so thirsty.

but words aren’t really his style.

i felt so excited to hear he got me a gift.

then he said he thinks i’m beautiful

i felt like i won the lottery hearing that.

and that’s kind of sad. i want to hear i’m beautiful and appreciated every day. not once every couple of weeks.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:16pm
215: MissStix says:

tell me thatcha like it…Yeahhhhhh

oh I like that song!

hmmmm

oh my seriously! This is too good! I can’t make eye contact. Yes I can! Can can can can.

It took me over a year to be able to HOLD eye contact with G. Hmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmmm omg over a year!!! Really??? Yep yep. Oh but I can do it now though! SO?!? Can’t do it with others apparently…

Grrrr head voice! I feel annoyed now. Oh but thats AMAZING because this annoyance is my motive. Yes! mmmm make eye contact! Hold it. mmmhmmm feel it! ok. I will then. I feel determined like a bull charging forward!

Woah woah slow down now. And wait till you’re out of your ‘bull’ energy! Big brown raging bull! grrr so determined. But you are not a dam bull stix. Feel giggly now! No no not a bull. Not in this facet of my life anyways.

Omg I feel so yellow and baby blue today. So goooood!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:22pm
216: Turquoise says:

Yuck Starla, that would not work for me. I wonder if you share how you are feeling if he’d accept that and work to change it. Mr. Conversation has pointed out some things to me that he doesn’t like about how I act, while reassuring how amazing, wonderful, kind, loving, smart, and talented I am, that when I hear something I don’t like I get pouty or b1tchy. I didn’t like hearing it at first, but really, I just told myself, well…. I’m half latin, I have a temper, I am a Sagittarius, a fire sign… if you don’t love all of me, then you get none of me… well, yikes, that isn’t going to get me anywhere. It’s not a part of me I even like about myself. So, while it wasn’t pleasant to hear, I did take it to heart and am working on holding that negative thought or comment in, and finding a better way to express it, without sarcasm or tone. I appreciate that he shared that with me. Because he said that, I’ve been able to share things that I don’t like as well, and how it makes me feel, and he has done a wonderful job or really listening to me, apologizing where appropriate, but best of all, not doing it again.

For example, he invited me over one night and had just gotten a new cell phone. He kept playing with the phone, texting, checking email… and I felt ignored. BUT, instead of sharing that in a feeling way, I got snippy, grabbed my phone and said, fine, if you are going to be on your phone, I’ll be on mine, and stuck my tongue out at him. Which, I excused with that I was half joking, or he deserved it… but what the heck, surely was a better way to handle it. When he got frustrated with me, I felt like HE was wrong, said I’d leave, which he replied he knew I’d say that… ugh. I ended up leaving the room and then coming back to talk to him about it, but still feeling like he was the more wrong one. I wasn’t being psycho (which was an over reaction on his part) but we talked it through enough that night to move beyond it, let it go and enjoy the night. It wasn’t until I spent some time seeing my part, feeling what I truly felt in that moment, which was ignored and unimportant, that I felt honest with myself about it. The next night he shared with me that in doing the same, he saw he was wrong, that I was right to be upset, but could have stated it in a better way, like… hey, you invited me over and I’m feeling ignored. He also kept his phone in his pocket the whole night. (he pointed that out to me too… that it was intentional, to show me that he knew he was wrong and our time together was more important. he said that he was just so excited about his phone, wanting to figure it all out, and was embarrassed to admit he spent 5 hours playing with it.

My long drawn out point here… is that if we hadn’t talked about the trigger for both of us there, we may have just said forget it and walked away. So, maybe if you share how that feels for you… he’ll do something about it!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:25pm
217: LiliBee says:

I’m crying my eyes out.
I feel so sad, alone and empty

I feel like a people repellent right now.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:27pm
218: FlowerChild77 says:

I feel all the hugs and love and support and I truly appreciate it. No one knows what to say to me—and I fully understand <3

Part of me feels like I'm not learning and not growing and kind of stuck in the same place for such a long time, now. I really am trying.

I will start meditating again, soon. My younger son is here from California till Monday and then I think I can get back to my daily routine and 'taking-care-of-me' stuff. I'm so thankful that he's here and cared enough to take this much time (he's been here nearly a month) to stay with me after the funeral. It will feel good to get back to my journey. There's been quite a bit of comfort-eating going on, here :-p

I feel somewhat empty, and many times a day I feel like a stone inside…like if I feel anything at all, that it will just be too much and it will all come gushing out at once.

The only way I got through the first few months after losing D was to say to myself, over and over:

I'm so sorry
Please forgive me
I love you
Thank you

The repetition seemed to take away the panic and allow me to get grounded and centered again.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:27pm
219: Daria says:

Laughing Goddess – I feel glad to get a response from you!

i feel all scared like oh no will i be judged as ok to be around, i feel scared

i feel cool with myself and powerful too… i don’t wanto to be around anyone who doesn’t want me around

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:28pm
220: Annie says:

Hugs lilibee.

I feel sure it is better to be alone than with the wrong people for us.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:29pm
221: Daria says:

also i did not feel like hitting you i felt like slapping someone

i do feel this a lot! perhaps ima bad dangerous girl!

i love me!

anyways even if i did feel like hitting someone, i (usually) dont want to do that!

note to myself: when i say “i feel like hitting you” follow up with “and i dont want to do that. ” the way Rori does

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:30pm
222: MissStix says:

My energy feels so pulsing today! Looks like big pulsing puff-ting smokey silver clouds of glitter!

Oh and this is the energy I stew in that people around me have mentioned that they can physically feel…Hmmm you dudes! You had me perplexed! Huh? Wtf are you going on about? And then hmmmm starting to feel what they mean. Hmmm I felt like this exact way then they said it. And ohhhh now? Now I know it like it’s my own. I own this feeling hoorah! I can play with it, conjure it, project it, receive it back, reflect it. Yarrrrrrgh! so much power over this feeling. mmmm yep. I shall credit you, feeling, and being the first feeling I ever consciously owned and mastered. You rock feeling!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:31pm
223: Starla says:

Thanks, Turquoise.:)

I am feeling pretty frustrated.
I showed him a punching bag I want and he’s like “wow that’s really heavy for you to carry home” (I don’t drive yet). “Anyway, ask for a lower price when you talk to the seller.”

I was like “doesn’t matter, I can’t carry the damn thing home anyway.”

Passive aggressive, but seriously, dude? Say “hey i’ll giev you a ride down the road to get this”

this isn’t so much the kind of guy for me.

i could tell him, “i really like you and it feels so good to spend time with you, and there are some things that I kind of feel like are needs that gotta be met for me to keep seeing someone after a while, so i figured i’d run them by you so if we can’t be on the same page we are able to move on here…”

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:32pm
224: Daria says:

i feel frustrated and unaccepted and unloved with that

and THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU DARIA DAMMIT!

you know its not

i dont want to keep making myself feel bad and taking on outside doubts and judgements and issues

and i wont

sigh

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:33pm
225: Turquoise says:

Awwww Lillebee. Sending sooooooo many hugs to you. It’s going to be ok. I know it. You are a gem, you are worthy, full of light, wonderful wonderful woman.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:33pm
226: Daria says:

hmm im shouting at myself but it felt kinda good

or is it that im habituatted to it

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:40pm
227: Turquoise says:

Hhhhmmmmm yeah Starla. That is odd to me. I like men who offer to help, I don’t want to always have to ask for it. It’s a very attractive quality to me when someone offers. Not smothering me with it of course, but wow, yeah…. who says that? lol. My reply might have been, I’m sure I can find someone to take me to get it. Which is probably passive aggressive too. That is a trigger I see in myself too (FW, why I shared I saw it in your post, because I know I do it, and don’t like being accused of it either, so I wanted to share, because I didn’t think I was being, but after it was pointed out… I was like oh yeah, I see it. I want to change that)

And for the record, even though it seems the blog has moved beyond the triggers and comments from yesterday, I don’t like seeing ANYONE talked to harshly, sworn at or in a sarcastic, mean, negative, etc. way on the blog. There is no need for it here anyway or anywhere. Standing up for ourselves is important and necessary, I’m not negating that. But it can be handled without the F word. Our words matter, in all relationships, and while I know the belief here is that you can’t say the wrong thing to the right man, if you abuse anyone, verbally, physically, emotionally,…. yes, you most definitely can push the right man away with your words.

My husband chipped away at my self esteem with his words. He wore me down, wore away my love for him. I guess I wasn’t the right woman for him since we aren’t together, but still…. he hurt me a lot, and I loved him completely. The thing is though, I did it too. I’d react and respond and hurl mean things back. We did it to each other. His words were more often, usually started things, was the initiator. I felt defensive and that I had to protect myself or stick up for myself. The thing is though, even coming from that corner, it’s damaging. He has repeated things I’ve said to him many many times, that he’ll never forget. While we have forgiven each other, you don’t forget it.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:46pm
228: Daria says:

smoking a big joint of mullein

feels so sensual

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:46pm
229: Sassy says:

Starla,

I feel curious how you seem to be “complaining” about his complaining on the one hand, but yet you were/are seriously considering having sex with him?
Is it possible you feel like you “should” have sex with him to prove to yourself that he has feelings for you?
I don’t know, something about this “relationship” (for lack of a better word) feels off or confusing to me. Not sure how long you have been dating him, but are y’all at that critical 3-4 month mark where they usually bolt and maybe you are looking to dump him before he dumps you so you don’t go through the hurt you felt with CF?
Sorry if this sounds harsh darlin, but I worry about you and your precious heart after you have come so far with your self esteem and self improvements.
Feel free to lambast me if I am way off base, I don’t want to put words in your mouth…

Much love

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:47pm
230: Daria says:

hmm i must have missed where someone was swearing at anyone.

im pretty sure im the only one who used the F word, but it definitely was in riffing my anger and not directed at anyone

feeling a lil fuchkin heated up right now… and very amused

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:49pm
231: Starla says:

Sassy, no, we’re not at that point. And the sex isn’t to prove to myself he has feelings for me.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:50pm
232: LiliBee says:

223:

Thank You Turquoise.

I feel so so lonely and forgotten

I’m going to zumba class in half an hour, and doesn’t even cheer me up like it usually does.

2 of my friends dropped out of class.
1 of them popped up when I broke up with D.
We would go to zumba class followed by girly chit chat at the coffea shop.
She dropped out of class and is super busy in her life with her man.
My bf is not available.
Another friend has her man back from a 3 month business trip and are having a honeymoon time.

I need them now and they are all busy.
I feel unconsolable right now.
I need a shoulder to cry on.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:50pm
233: LiliBee says:

http://www.christinehassler.com/2012/09/ever-feel-like-you-are-backtracking/

Yes, I so feel like I am backtracking right now.
I am at a loss as to how to make myself feel better.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:52pm
234: Daria says:

im feeling a lil triggered about the issue with the asking to get it im reading about here

im noticing i have a diff perspective and thats a lil triggering …wel maybe its triggering me to think of not saying anything

but i can say it to me, if that was me, sounds like the guy is giving me advice…

i wonder if id feel confident enough to say… ‘oh you’re right, it would feel great to have a ride to get it ”

and see what happens

i get really insecure asking for stuff sometimes tho

hmm

i feel all sad remembering that

it feels so easy breezy LOOKING at it tho

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:52pm
235: Starla says:

Also, I wouldn’t lambaste you, lol, love to you

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:53pm
236: Daria says:

feeling a lil annoyed. is this sideways accusations at Daria week on the blog… hmmm

skipping posts was feeling better… how did i get pulled into this

i know

drama addiction

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:55pm
237: Starla says:

he did end up offering to help me with the punching bag

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:56pm
238: Daria says:

i love my drama addiction

im being all dramatic right now!

hmmm

feeling all intrigued and calm tho

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 3:56pm
239: Daria says:

im complaining , being passive agressive, and somehwat attention seeking and i find it very fun and endearing

awww

im so funny and cool hehe

i feel mucho love for myself now

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:01pm
240: Sassy says:

Flowerchild,

You are an absolutely amazing, strong woman. I cannot even begin to imagine feeling your pain.
I have thought of you so often over these past months. Please keep coming back here and writing it all out or using us to spew your pain and talking through your process.
You are loved, you are wanted and needed. My deepest, sincerest and heartfelt sympathy goes out to you.
If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Much love to you

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:01pm
241: Starla says:

I feel excited to see myself and my thoughts and heart morph and feel with this man as our time together goes on. They are things I really need to feel through and learn about myself.

And I should TOTALLY talk to a man about having my basic need for feeling good met before I sleep with him, even if I’m not worried about whether or not we’ll have a serious relationship one day.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:02pm
242: Daria says:

i don’t ‘need’ to use fuchkin in my vocabulary, but i can choose to and it really helped me process my anger quickly

how cool that i didn’t direct it at anyone

feeling so pist that’s nto seen

urggggh

I WILL NEVER GET SEEN ALL THE TIME IN THIS FREAKIN ANNOYING WORLDD

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:03pm
243: Sassy says:

Thanks, Starla. Love ya kid

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:04pm
244: Daria says:

‘people get so self righteous and lectury’

what do i get self righteous and lectury about?

ahhh i don’t want to look at it!!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:04pm
245: LiliBee says:

I love free ressources:

http://themagicofheartbreak.com/?orid=7441&opid=2

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:05pm
246: Daria says:

today while walking with CD i saw two doggies that had sex and the guy was stuck inside hehehe

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:06pm
247: Sassy says:

LiliBee,

I totally acknowledge how you feel. I have felt very much alone lately for many reasons.
Keep talking it thru here if you need. I hear you

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:06pm
248: Annie says:

Feeling happy and calm now.
Decided no longer want to engage and get dragged into hostile made up stuff that feels bad to me.
Feels freeing. I feel free and calm.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:09pm
249: Annie says:

Daria. im so funny and cool hehe

i feel mucho love for myself now

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:12pm
250: LiliBee says:

245:

Thank You Sassy. xox.

I’m running off to zumba class.
Hope I feel better after.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:17pm
251: Daria says:

i love this herb

it helps me feel so calm and lovely and soothed and pleased

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:17pm
252: Daria says:

Annie – yes you are lovely!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:18pm
253: Daria says:

eating all meat does not feel good….! all panicky!

thank you herb for nourishing my blood

mhhhmmm

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:19pm
254: Daria says:

i feel so much more pleasant…

nutrition yum

im gona do some movement now

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:27pm
255: MissStix says:

I will go home I will go home. I want to go home. So I will go home. I will not allow motherly feelings to keep me here and I will not let those feelings run me. I will go home. I will not stay over and give him a ride to work. No pressure applied. I still feel it though. In there saying “awwww poor man has to be in early on a friday and he deserves a ride” and it feels…actually niggling and annoying and I no longer like that “giving” feeling. I no longer grasp it like it’s the only feeling keeping a man around.

Sigh.

But I still feel it. Ok…No. I love you guilty feeling. It’s ok. But I just…Don’t want you around a lot. Kay?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:27pm
256: MissStix says:

I have a date with me tonite and I intend to keep it. Yes. That feels firm and solid. Oh yeah I don’t break promises! But I still feel feelings… Go me!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:31pm
257: Laughing Goddess says:

(((Lilibee)))

Awwww sweetie pooky baby girl, you are beautiful and wonderful.

I bet dancing will lift your spirits a bit. I feel impressed that you are still going. Lots of times when I feel down I just skip stuff like that. You’re an inspiration!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:31pm
258: Siren Angel says:

Turquoise,

Thank you Turquoise. From previous post @1133 : “These are monumental decisions, when it’s someone you love. I get that.

Your answers are always very elaborate and I often feel guilty to not respond. But I will tell you a secret: It is because I feel you really really have your ‘stuff’ together even when you write that you don’t feel you do.

I admire you for your determination to open up your own candy business as a single mom. I left the ‘corporate world’ let’s say to work in the same industry but from home. It was a very scary move but so worth it! And as a mom, I really relate to all your stories with your daughters. I spend a lot of time on soccer fields with moms and dads and single dads. That is how we CD in some ways. Tonight I brought my little one to a restaurant and we had so much fun while he was entertaining me with magic tricks with a straw and napkin and a french fry.

I can totally see how Mr. C’s presence in your life feels safe right now, be it as a friend or more. I see and feel how that, right now, fits in your life.

I admire your writing, so powerful yet easy to read and poised. What I want to say is that you really transpire grace here and it does not go unnoticed.

Many thanks for your words and your sheer presence.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:36pm
259: Daria says:

ohhh woo hoo

i did it and i feel yum

and loved

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:37pm
260: Daria says:

wow this being with my dread thing has really helped me stay present with me and do stuff to keep caring for me when im feeling sad or down

thats wassup

im feeling way more ME as i felt thru the dread and heartbreak of the interactions with my godson’s mom earlier this year

im feeling more powerful

im feeling like my energy has disconnected from there and im not in codependent mode there

i feel less tied in in a way

ive ‘let go’ of this tho i wanted this relationship to be for life

i let go of that and im ok

thats pretty big

and i still have days to go till my godson’s birthday

more healing is coming for me

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 4:58pm
261: Miss Bells says:

!45/146/147
Yes–”taken” men are off limits.
That is one of the things that upset me so much about trailer-girl.
She had been coming on the property to visit trailer-guy for five months when they broke up. She had seen us together on numerous occasions.
But–when HS came on to her she glommed right on to him. Believed (at first) whatever he told her about me. Never had the decency to ask me what the deal was. Then seemed hurt when she realized he had a real relationship with me, and I wasn’t going anywhere. That HE didn’t want me to go anywhere.
If you get a WHIFF that there is a woman in the picture–FIND OUT. Then ask HER what the story is. And respect what she says…
I would have said we were going through a rough patch but were still very much together. If she had asked.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:01pm
262: Miss Bells says:

165 (((((((FLOWERCHILD))))))

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:01pm
263: Daria says:

i brushed my hair AND ate an apple

im feeling taken care of!

acts of service yum i appreciate my care

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:06pm
264: Femininewoman says:

Miss Bells at one point in my younger years I was in your place so I asked the other woman. She was bold enough to bat her eyes and tell me yes they were in a relationship. Though we had rings, date and plan to get married I was the one feeling embarassed. He begged me to reconcile but I just couldn’t.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:10pm
265: Femininewoman says:

If I was the other woman I don’t think I would approach you. I believe I would just disappear.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:13pm
266: Femininewoman says:

LiliBee I really hope you can walk yourself out of that dark tunnel

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:15pm
267: Daria says:

I feel triggered about this ‘taken’ men thing.

ick!

just cuz some woman who dates a man thinks he owns him does NOT mean she does

i choose to respect men for their OWN MANLY actions

if a man chooses to court me, he is doing so of his free will and i Respect that

if some woman shows up bringing me drama, i will tell him this feels bad and i don’t want to tolerate it, and fully expect him to deal with the situation in a way that makes me feel important , cared for and honored

i will not go into competition with women. other women are not important romantically to me or on my romantic radar,

just like the visualization where there are multiple men and women around yet his energy is coming to me

if i respect the man, i can respect the actions and not go into his business

i do not date a married man as that does not make me feel good safe and important. i will say that i will feel open to it once he has divorced – to honor me

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:18pm
268: Miss Bells says:

#262
I am the “quasi wife”
Trailer girl was the OW for about five weeks. She is gone now–but all of this caused me to move out–half-way. Half my stuff is still with him, and half my time is still with him–at his request.
I do not want to be the quasi wife–I want to just be the wife without qualification–and with a ring and a piece of paper.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:20pm
269: Femininewoman says:

RE 228 Daria I feel qualified to say I was sworn at few weeks ago. It was not you this time

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:22pm
270: MissStix says:

Girly tip:

If you’re into shaving…

Mix 2 parts sugar, 3 parts olive oil. Use this to scrub (gently) all over your body. Rinse away the sugar and shave.

The scrub helps lift ingrowing hairs, and the olive oil softens hair and lubricates your skin. And applying a little (like a tsp or less) olive oil to wet skin before you dry off will leave your skin feeling uber baby soft! Yum!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:35pm
271: Daria says:

more triggers

no WAY will i ask another woman what the deal is. that is way in his business to me.

and way out of mine. it seems dishonoring and disrespectful to me. like im going to ‘bow out’ or like theres a competition

there is no competition when a man is pursuing me, asking me out for my time, and putting his energy towards me

if somethign feels uncomfortable i will talk to HIM about it, not anyone else

i feel so judgemental when women call me to ask me if im dating ‘their’ man. it feels like such a turn off.

i also feel really angry in those situations

i have tried to handle it calmly, and nicely the last time, but i don’t know if it felt any better

i feel judgemental of those women chasing those men like that, ‘claiming’ them like males, clubbing them over the head – sometimes literally! with bats – and dragging them home

it may have the desired effect for the short term, but clearly those men will RUN LIKE HELL OUT OF THERE!

on the other hand

i still get urges to ‘fight for a man’ sometimes. i will not do it. babystepping to healing those in my imagination and habit

that behavior
it does have the effect of turning me off of a man however. in that sense the women ‘win’ those men, as the men are emasculated in my eyes and i feel turned off

well sometimes.

sometimes in my addiction to the drama and fighting i get more pulled in to ‘fight’. like when Getright’s GF after me started texting me. and i finally told her i had been dating him for 4 years and that to me, she’s the one interfering, and thats fine cuz im not worried

Getright even called to let me know that he saw what i wrote and he seemed to like it

lol

im laughing and i accept that and i feel all happy

and yet i believe its a symptom of the addiction

Getright is not stepping up the way i want anyway now, so none of that mattered

soemtimes i worry that a man will get turned off by me – that im showing low confidence – if i don’t confront/talk to/fight with a woman that is doing that over him

hmmm

i don’t want to deal with this

it feels better to lean back and not be concerned about this, trust my feelings and the man and respect him to take care of any situation that makes me feel uncomfortable regarding him

men who come with women contacting me would be ‘toxic’ for me – unless its a one time thing that i bring up and is never an issue again

though even then i wonder if i would feel safe and trusting that it even got there

hmm

this feels triggering

i never talk to women / create drama / confront women over a man and it would feel great to have the same respect (to me) as well

unfortunately some women have different beliefs and are into contacting other women chasing men and claiming them, like theres soemthing to claim. a man makes his own choices, thats how i see it.

i find it difficult to not feel very scared/defensive/angry when contacted in these situations

especially when the woman seems to have a rude tone, or even when i speak respectfully she eventually starts attacking me.

luckily the last time i went thru this, though the woman did have some kinda tone that felt disturbing a bit, it did not go there

but i still feel like im pushing myself down to accomodate another woman, like i don’t deserve the respect to not be harassed or to receive the attentions of men who contact me

i don’t owe anyone explanations or anything, if a woman is calling me demanding answers or telling me something with an attitude, i wonder how i can handle this in a way that honors me.

what are my feelings?

i feel really angry getting calls from women. i feel better to let the men handle this. i don’t want to be contacted again.

(if im contacted again, i could threaten to call the police and report harassment hmm)

or else i could … i dono…

that threat seems to have worked before

i feel really triggered by this wow

high blood pressure

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:36pm
272: Turquoise says:

Siren Angel, thank you. I really appreciate that and feel understood. WOW, that is such a good feeling, I didn’t even realize how much I needed to hear that someone gets me and my choices, path, decisions and vision. I often feel “wrong” here.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:37pm
273: Rori Raye says:

Distant…welcome, and I’m so sorry you’re in this situation – and you sound wonderful, and that you’re handling this brilliantly. I believe that you’ll get clear on what’s going on here when you see him. According to Dr. Pat Allen – it takes a man 8 weeks to really miss you – and so you may discover that this is too soon, and want to give him longer to stew the next time. You could also try being his friend. I NEVER encourage that – but you seem to me to be able to handle a great deal. And I mean friends WITHOUT benefits. Kissing is all. I think having sex right now would be too much for any woman to handle…but kissing will juice it up – and then you leave. I’m not sure what I would do – but I don’t believe you can make a mistake here. It will go the way it’s meant to go. Brava to you for Circular Dating! Love, Rori

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:41pm
274: Turquoise says:

Wow Daria, I wasn’t talking about or insinuating you in any way. There were some comments made about why was this recent situation brought up, but something that was said to FW specifically wasn’t also addressed. I was just clarifying that I don’t like to hear anyone spoken to harshly, especially on the blog, where like right now, there can be a lot of misunderstandings and mistakes.

I swear like a trucker sometimes. No judgements here.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:41pm
275: Daria says:

my liver is throbbing!

i wonder if it’s cuz ive stuffed my feelings to be nice to these women so many times before?

maybe next time ill be like LOOK BIT*CH HE’S MINE! HOE! IF HE WAS WITH YOU< ITS NOT WHEN HES WITH ME!

DUMMY!

I wonder if that will feel better

i feel amused now

that is probably not a good sign

how can i say this so im not tolerating or stuffing?

i liked the part about i don't want to talk, i feel better to let the man handle this.

(if i figure out which man she's talking about)

i feel all riled up! im so nice…

remember when i ran away from Neighbor CD's wife so i didn't wind up fighting her in front of his children

that was nice of me

i feel pist tho she continued to harass me

it seems to have stopped now, fortunately

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:42pm
276: Daria says:

Thanks Turquoise

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:44pm
277: Heart says:

240 – Daria – I admire the way you process your emotions. You seem very in touch with your motivations and honest.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:45pm
278: Daria says:

maybe i should do a 180 and try on as an experiment thinking like these other women and having compassion

like omg i didn’t know you were dating him, how awful, yes of course i will totally ‘back off’ now and let him know i no longer wish to see him

hmm

that is what im actually going to do anyway, well let him know i don’t feel good with this and no longer wish to see him if this doesn’t immediately become a non issue

but then im worried these women will try to get me to befriend them, and like ‘trap’ the man or something

or expect me to be all horrified and indignant that he wasn’t exclusively dating either one of us, which im not

hmmm

i feel confused

i do seem to feel very defensive around this, going really ruthless cold on the woman

but I FEEL LIKE MY BOUNDARIES ARE BEING VIOLATED WHEN A STRANGER CALLS ME AND GETS INTO MY ROMANTIC LIFE THIS WAY!!

hmmm

i wonder how i can communicate this

ok

lest try it

rrring

hello

hi, um… who is this?

… that feels weird, i dont feel good being called and asked who i am . i dnot want to receive these calls again

…

ok that didnt’ go too well it oculda been someones mom

…

hmmm

rring

hello

hello this is denise, im calling about my boyfriend x, do you know him

me: oh wow i feel shocked, mm that is a man im dating and i feel violated getting calls from someone about my romantic life. i feel better to have the man handle this and will contact him to let him know. i dont want to receive any more calls, or else i will contact the police thank u.

hmmm

sigh

this feels annoying

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:53pm
279: Daria says:

Heart – wow that feels wonderful, yes thank you

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 5:54pm
280: Daria says:

i know im just a few tweaks away from feeling good

emotions

‘do you know so and so’

well the thing is i feel angry even when i get these calls from my brother’s gf’s and perhaps i can experiment with either cussing them out, or

‘understanding them’

cuz yes im aware many women think this is ok behavior

so, oh you’re brother’s gf, okay, well im his sister, no not his blood sister, but his sister nonetheless. you have nothing to worry about. maybe we will meet one day

BUT I DONT LIKE GETTING CALLS AND ATTITUDE TO MY LINE YOU CRAZY BI*TCH!!

ok no

THAT is not the way to go

yes, and i can hear you’re suspicious, lol and no im just his sister, yes we’re not blood, but we’re very much family. so while i can appreciate your concern, id feel better to not get calls to my telephone line. perhaps we will meet in person one day, if you and my brother work out over the long term. please say hello to him for me, and i wish you guys luck.

take care… goodbye.

unfortunately i feel afraid the anger in my voice will make me sound trembly and weak

i can say, i feel a bit angry getting calls on my telephone line from women, especially in this kind of situation. id appreciate it if you can work your trust out with my brother, and i wish you both good luck.

im judging myself for not being warmer to women

i always think they’re out to get me, no wonder i get such attitude sometimes

this is good practice

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 6:00pm
281: Daria says:

oh i see. well i hear you’re upset and you have nothing to worry about. brother is my godbrother, we are family, not blood, but we are not and have never dated. please excuse me, it feels uncomfortable to get calls like this from a woman when she sounds upset, i get tense wondering if it was about someone i am dating myself. perhaps we will meet one day if you and my brother keep dating. i wish u guys luck, but id feel better to just get calls on this line if its family related. thanks!

click!

im stil dismissive

look i just feel too judgemental to sit there and commiserate with these women about men when i have a whole different perspective on it

i dont feel safe!

it feels scary and i feel VERY angry to be frightened this way

do you know x (that im dating)

‘it feels scary to get these calls. im not the kind of girl who really gets into a guys business when im dating him, so i dont knwo if he’s dating other women or not. i don’t want to get these calls, i feel better to let him handle it. i will certainly bring it up to him if he calls me again, thank u.’

these women i think are just looking for me to be all pist that ‘the guy’ is doing something and for me to be like oh i had no clue! how dare he the bas9tard do that to us!

wow what an asshole, yes

and then they likely both continue dating him anyway!

i dont get it

no wait im judging

pfff

this feels tiring

im going in circles, but im making lil babysteps progress

the feelings are

frightened. flight or fight. adrenaline. agression. anger.

but mostly fear

i feel fear

getting these calls

clue – fear

fem woman – walks away

hello do you know x

“whoa this feels scary. i dont want to get these calls… im an attorney and will be recording these calls and have the authorities contact you. click”

lol i bet that will stop the calls! lol

but it might scare the man too

ahhhhh

ok what about just

“wow this feels scary. i dont want to get calls from someone i don’t know. thank u. ” (hang up)

then just dont pick up and erase all voicemails without listening to avoid triggering

even tho i might beat up on myself for ‘running away’

it might still be good practice

or i can just hang up, not sayng anything

just treat it as not worht one word of my energy

do you know ‘x’

‘click’

then i can expect attacking voicemails, and i can erase those

agh i feel so stirred up in my tummy

i also feel sleepy!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 6:13pm
282: Daria says:

maybe i kinda also ‘get off’ on the drama of these convos

like maybe it feels like im not actaully participating in a cool movie

my ideal heroine would talk shit

but ive committed to not doing that

so that means theres a way to feel EVEN BETTER by doing the feminine thing, and im not totally aware of it yet

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 6:16pm
283: MissStix says:

Mmm yep!

Trust is like this to me…You are a man who knows what’s up. You can live your life however you want and yes-persue me. Devote energy to me. And I can live my life however I want. Receive your persual and engage in it if it feels healthy. Or I can choose not to. If events or actions occur that create feelings in me that tell me “I will not tolerate this” I will speak it and he can think on it and act according to what he wants. Continue to persue me and put in effort. Or not. And I will accept. Receive. Or not.

Trust=security.

Heavenly!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 6:24pm
284: MissStix says:

Daria- Choosing to say a short piece about feeling uncomfortable to get calls from a stranger, and then hang up.
Erase VM’s.

This feels…Powerful. Confident. I have nothing to prove and simply don’t need this drama.

I like this. Props! Your process is fascinating and wonderful.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 6:39pm
285: MissStix says:

Hmmm I feel nervous buzzing bees in my belly to say this but I want to be just open. All the time.

I am only truly reading posts by daria right now. Just skimming all else. I feel. Ill, and guilty. But…I trust her riffs. And I want to stick around on the blog.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 6:42pm
286: MissStix says:

Oh but this is so good in a way. Because sometimes I feel angry or irritated reading thrm but I trust them.

I don’t really feel afraid of feelings at all anymore. Not even horrible ones. Because they are mine and I love them.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 6:44pm
287: bloom-ing says:

Starla,

“i felt like i won the lottery hearing that.

“and that’s kind of sad. i want to hear i’m beautiful and appreciated every day. not once every couple of weeks.”

don’t you hear it every day ? that sounds nice, though actually i do feel scared to say it for myself, so i’ll practice…………………………….. Hi, little girl – you’re beautiful & appreciated : )

hi, starla. you are beautiful & i appreciate you !

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 6:48pm
288: LiliBee says:

216:

Turquoise,

I enjoyed reading about your cell phone story.
It’s a perfect example of how OK it is to not be perfect.
Both of you are human and it feels OK.
I felt comforted reading it.

My issue has been that D is not comfortable talking to me like that.
I know I need to inspire it.
But even without me, he feels so incredibly uptight and uncomfortable talking about normal human flaws…like it’s not OK to tell someone.
He’s extremely sensitive.
I guess it’s just the way it’s communicated.

I like that your Mr. C was able to tell you and that you were able to receive it and vice versa.
That would make me feel trusting and comfortable to have such open communication.

I intend to have that.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 6:55pm
289: LiliBee says:

257:

Thank You LG,

I feel blessed to have found that class.
The instructors are super fun and friendly.

When I took it last winter, it was only 1x per week.
I wished that they would have it 2x.
I got my wish starting 2 weeks ago.

I was feeling exhausted from lack of sleep.
I finished work early so I could come home and take an hour nap to make sure I would be OK for zumba.
I just can’t miss it.
I always feel good during the class.
I feel good being greeted with warm smiles and hello when I walk in.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:03pm
290: LiliBee says:

Oh, and Turquoise:

I agree with every single word Siren Angel wrote to you.
I don’t ever want to leave the blog.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:05pm
291: LiliBee says:

That’s I don’t ever want You to leave the blog.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:06pm
292: bloom-ing says:

miss stix, i’m reading you & i’m feeling so triggered actually : )) haha i feel laughter as we’ve all been stressful about this lately……….. “screw it” <- i use quotes to show where my "short-cut" or "not-necessarily-serious" or "not a concept i really believe in" LOL i'm just trying to not get you or me sad feeling, girl, i think you're cool & i wanna hang out with you. wanna say, hey miss stix i'm reading that & i feel scared about it…. i feel so nervous about the juice-y-ness……EEKKKKK aww & ok bye that's all : ) millions more miles of processing in that direction & all directions infinitely from this point but right now i'm gonna eat PIZZA yay ! & i hope you enjoy your home down time sleepy sweet girl easy time yay calm goddess peace hearth yum

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:22pm
293: Turquoise says:

Thank you Lillebee. I went back and retread that post, must say, wasn’t as well written as it could have been, so I feel so gotten and understood by some sirens that you get my vibe. Feels so good in my heart! I don’t want you or SA to ever leave either. You both make me see things clearly, your strength is inspiring, and I value your voices here! This is such an awesome place to be.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:27pm
294: MissStix says:

Hi blooming

That feels good to read actually. At the word trigger I got prickly on my arms but…I still feel good and calm and I want to sprinkle this openness with magic dust. Make it grow wider. mmm

I am actually avoiding some triggers. Not in the way I thought, but hmmmm like…I don’t even know! Heh skimming. Not cool stix. Avoiding.

Meh. Go me! I can avoid…

All I know is…I want to hang out with you too bloom-ing!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:36pm
295: MissStix says:

mmmm yum yummy me time! I am taking the night off from interactions with anyone but me and the universe. Ohhhhh sigh. Yes.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 7:45pm
296: Turquoise says:

Gosh, Mr. C. is away for work, left yesterday and was planning to come home tonight. He saw my FB post this morning that the girls and I were home sick, so he texted to say he hoped we all felt better. Tonight he texted to say I hope you are all doing okay… I had a long, hard day today. I’m staying one more day to make sure I make the most of this trip.

I replied, Thanks for checking in. CV is pretty sick, but CM and I are feeling better. Want to tell me about your day?
He replied no, but thanks for offering. It was kind of rough… I’ll tell you when I get back when it isn’t still so fresh.

I said, Ok, I’;m sorry it’s not going as you hoped.

He replied back, It’s not bad… actually was a succesful day with a lot of good things… just not like I planned or as much success as I hoped for. That why I’m staying another night because I want to have a good day tomorrow.

I said, sounds like a good idea. Make the most of it, especially being out of town. (what would have been a good feeling message here? Is one appropriate?)

He said, I miss the kids and feel a little bit guilty.

I wrote, Awww. being your best self, earning a good income to provide for your children is amazing. I’m sure they miss you too… but you’ll be back soon.

Him: Thanks

I find it so hard to think of good feeling messages on the spot. I also feel like when he’s sad or upset about something, my first instinct is to say everything will be ok, or it’s not a problem, but that might come across as dismissive. I don’t want that. Any suggestions or tweaks? Just even to say less?

It felt really nice that he checked in. I didn’t ask him to or anything, and that he wanted to share a little bit about his day. If anything, this is reminding me what I want in a significant other. I want someone that is attentive, shares his time and day, leans forward to reach me.

Lillebee, he’s the only guy I’ve ever known who talks to me like this. He wants to talk through things, to share, it’s really amazing, and he’s much better about the hard stuff, stays calm… and he pushes me, kinda like FW does here, to not skip over the hard stuff. The other night we talked for 3.5 hours in person, and part way though he said, do you realize how much deep stuff we talk about, that doesn’t even seem deep? The first night I met him we talked for over 3 hours… it’s been over 3 months, and we haven’t run out of stuff to talk about. That we get along so well, live so close, kids get along wonderfully, we are attracted to each other, chemistry is there…. you’d think it would be this perfect/romantic relationship. Sigh. It’s going to be hard to stay just friends unless I meet someone else.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:12pm
297: Tereana says:

Turquoise – I find it hard to think of feeling messages on the spot, too! Although it’s getting better. Much easier. I’m practicing with friends and non-date situations, and noticing how effective it is. That’s kind of cool. It somehow doesn’t work as well for me yet in dating situations. But maybe that’s because I don’t have as much confidence in it to work. Hm…our beliefs can and do determine outcome. I kind of have a belief that relationships will be unpleasant and challenging for me. And so, they usually are. Even with all the tools. *sigh*

I hope I can work through this…

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 9:58pm
298: Tereana says:

Wow, I’m so glad that Rori posted this. i guess she’s back from vacation now! A lot of this text is right in Heart Connection Toolkit. And I love this part : )

And who was it – Goddess Lily? – someone was asking about her ex reappearing, and was it to help her heal something that hadn’t healed yet? (something like that).

Good question. I don’t know.

But I am starting to believe that Vman has come back, not to be my partner, per se, but to help me heal something that *I* still needed to work through. And I’m working through it. But also, it could be an ongoing process. Maybe he’s not really going anywhere still. Maybe I don’t really want him around. And I’m telling him to leave, and he won’t.

I got “mad” at him this week, because I asked him to do something for me, and he wouldn’t do it. I got all righteous about it, and, looking back, I can see my Mom in there – the one who knows everything about what should happen, what the “right thing to do” is, and how people should act and what they should care about. Screw Free Will. Screw Free Choice. Your will and your choice need to fit into the prescribed notions that I hold (aka Mom), or else they are Wrong.

And that’s exactly what I did to him. I decided that he “needed” to help me because it was the “right” thing to do, in my opinion. Also, because it was what I wanted. And I decided that was the only option. I knew it felt wrong, even at the time, and I decided to give myself space. But I still didn’t come up with the right response. (i.e. the one that would speak to both our highest selves, maybe). And so he got annoyed with me. I could feel it, and I didn’t like that, either.

I was pondering codependent behaviors. I was examining my expectations of what I believed “should” happen, and noticing that I didn’t give him any leeway – and I wasn’t letting him say No.

Finally, he called me out on the fact that I was just getting angry that I didn’t get what I wanted. Which was partly true. but what was also true was that I have some icky PMS this week, and everything – literally everything – is annoying to me. Like the lady on the bus with her shoe. Lol. All this crap probably wouldn’t phase me in a different week. But that’s not how it is right now. Not that that’s an excuse. Just a fact.

Anyway, I wrote back, and said he was right. He was 100% right about everything. And I owned up to my having expectations that were maybe unrealistic. (And I didn’t tell him, but I’ve also found someone else who is totally more than willing to help me out with the thing he wouldn’t do : )

But I also talked about “where we are” right now, which is confusing. Because he’s not saying that he wants anything more than friendship. And yet, he’s not afraid to make sexy comments to me. He’s not afraid to try and feel me up, when I was at his house. And almost every conversation we’ve had – except this week – has been extremely sexual. There is a huge charge there. For me as well. So I don’t know what that’s about. Maybe I am just drawn to the wrong thing. The description of trying to cram myself into an uncomfortable place because it’s familiar (like stilettos) is pretty apt, it seems. I get that old, familiar crunch and squeeze of trying to make myself just right for a tiny spot that no one could really fit into. It just seems like this great challenge – I can be the one! No one else can do it! I’m super-human! I believe I can will myself into a position that no on else could fill. And yet I can’t. I cant’ do it. I am not super human.

I cannot make the man into a decent human being. I cannot make him into a great partner, just by being good. I am going to have to live with the fact that there is some attraction there. but I don’t have to go near it, and I don’t have to do anything about it. I can turn away from it, and turn toward what’s good and what makes me feel good and happy, and welcome and comfortable. And that feels good

I also told VMan to “take his time” and to get back to me when he knew exactly what he wanted (he had told me he was confused).

I think I wrote a good letter. I considered letting it sit overnight, but I sent it, because I was worried I would run out of time in the morning.

I’m so tired. Why did I book myself four clients tomorrow??? Argh.

The last bit in my email was a caveat that I’ve has PMS this week. My PMS sometimes means that I am overly “honest” with people and I do a lot of “truth-telling” that gets me into trouble. I hope – I very sincerely hope – that this email to vman is not one of those instances. I am doing my best to make things up. But, I am not sure if it is working this time. And maybe it’s for the best. Maybe I just want him to go away. Maybe him going away is the best thing for me. I’ve known it for so long. And that’s why I feel confused.

But I know I’ll miss him, too. I know he was here to help me heal from something. That was his job. He’s helping me heal my need to be around someone who hurts me, even though he “feels good.” And he’s helping me to turn toward sources that really are helping me, and that really do have my best interests at heart. Much as I still crave his attention, and feed off his desire for me, I know that I’m an object. It’s me he wants. But he doesn’t want what’s best for me. And that’s not good…if that were to change, then ok.

But right now, that’s not how it is. And I can see echoes of my father’s negativity in him. I probably find that comforting. But it’s disturbing as well.

Okay, good riddance. Thank you, Vman, for coming back to me, and presenting yourself to me so that I could see you more clearly. Thank you for having a good time with me, and showing me who you truly are. And thank you for showing me that you are not what I want. And I don’t know if or how I can be friends with you. We’ll see. Because I know that to me, you will be always an Ex. I don’t know if I can do the “friends” thing.

Okay, that’s my rambling letter for the evening that I just wanted to get out. whew! It feels good to spew.

Good night, sirens!!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:21pm
299: Tereana says:

Don’t worry if people don’t get to read through my whole long post. I sometimes scan through the longer posts, too.

It’s more of just a brain-splort to me. To get it all out there.

But if anyone has feedback/validation/thoughts they’d like to share, I feel open to it!

~

And btw – opening to moment – that is such a great thought/idea/intention. And sometimes I think that ends up being something entirely different from what we think it’s going to mean. I.e. I think sometimes I believe I am “surrendering” to the moment, but really I am only following old, ingrained impulses. However, true surrender requires something entirely different.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:28pm
300: Tereana says:

In light of surrender, I’ve wondered a couple of things about VMan. What would it mean if I did “surrender to the moment” or “surrender” to Who He Is? What if I could just NOT be angry with him? What if I didn’t give in to the urge to just label him “a jerk” or worse, just because he didn’t do something the way I would like? What if I could be open to EXACTLY who he is, without believing or expecting that things could or should be different?

What would that be like?

It feels…scary. Uncertain. It feels vulnerable. (I have a voice in my head telling me I’m doing something wrong.) But it also feels relaxed. It feels cooler, less hot. It feels breezy, open, airy, breathy, light. Not heavy, masked and dark, like this running away.

So, truly, I don’t know, and I find it hard to pin down – with this guy, am I correct in turning away toward something that is better for me? Is it a good idea to get away, since he is only going to hurt me? Or is he really there to heal me? Is he there to help me see myself in a better way? Is it possible that he actually DOES have my best interests at heart – I just can’t see it?

These are questions for the Universe, that I would like to ponder while I sleep. I hope to have some dreams that will show me the answers to my questions in some way that makes it clear to me what is true and most elemental for me in all this.

Thank you, Universe!! : )

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:36pm
301: Joseph Hyde says:

Rori

A little frustration…

When clicking on the link in the newsletter to be read online and subsequently going there, there is no place to leave a comment or to contact you on that particular newsletters subject…can that be changed? Thanks. (I think it’s important)

On a more relevant subject. ‘People’ (some women) may not like this comment or perspective and it applies to all of your posts or subjects on this web site and that is…(not all women may agree here or see that this is true at all…however this is just ‘one males opinion’…mine at least! and it is this, it’s about the way that ‘you’ (females) are ‘constructed’ that is ‘put together’). This is not intended as a criticism in the least, it is just a comment that ‘you’ (women) may not be aware of but to me it’s as obvious as the sun in the sky but it may not be ‘PC’, probably isn’t!!!

That is that the ‘sine qua non’ of a women’s existence is to ‘have’ or to ‘get’ a man, and the same thing or ‘opposite’ (in some sense) is not true of men about or toward women, that is you are not ‘the center of our existence’ as we are of yours.

This is not meant to be ‘harsh’ it’s just an explicitly stated fact.

What we do want, what is the ‘center of existence’ or the ‘center of our existence’ is ‘to have sex with you’ or ‘just to have sex with you’!!! Now that is where it ‘starts’ and where it will shortly end if you have not ‘played your cards right’ and given ‘IT’ to us without making us ‘lay down our life’ for you by becoming so special that ‘we forsake all others’… Well how ‘in Heaven’s name is that done’ when all of us guys only want sex and when ‘wham bam thank you mam’ is just about all that’s on our minds! (or at least what passes for our minds in males!)

Well it’s not easy but you are the ones with the Gold so you get to make the rules and if we want the Gold bad enough we will abide by your rules!

And the ‘#1 rule that you want to make is that we don’t get Sex unless we commit to you for a lifetime and as I said earlier ‘to forsake all others’!

And as Rori pointed out in a different newsletter post, it is that when a relationship is over, it’s not ‘just over’ because broken relationships, when they have involved sex leave emotional, spiritual and sometimes physical ‘remnants’ behind. Neither of you (males and females) get off ‘Scott free’ in this, even if the guy doesn’t end up ‘pregnant’ and the girl does!!!

Sex is not just only physical, it is emotional too, and far more, it is a spiritual act with spiritual consequences. IMHO!

Here is ‘where I’m coming from’ and you may very well discount it but it’s an explanation that I think ‘fits the bill’ and you might think about it, and if ‘the shoe fit’s’ you may think about wearing it too, or realizing that it’s true…

This is the ‘Fact’ that ‘you’ women were made for us and your desire, the ‘well spring’ of your life is to ‘have us’!… Well prove It!!! I don’t have too! It should be obvious that Rori’s web site, and a million others like hers, should be all of the proof that you need, and if you’re honest, and you will just look into your nature you know that it’s true… In fact just as more and more people in this country feel that they are ‘entitled’ to the Govt to ‘take care of them’ you have the ‘feeling’, you ‘Know’ that we, Males, are ‘Supposed’ to ‘take care of you’ and you’re not happy, ‘fulfilled’, until that happens. Sorry to use ‘the entitlement mentality’ but that’s the best illustration that I could come up with on short notice! In a similar way that we instinctually try to protect you or know that we should. In an ‘opposite way’ or ‘vein’ it does not even come into our mind to be concerned that you can hurt us, that is physically, because instinctually we know that we are stronger than you and that you are not a threat to us. We don’t fear you. In the same way, on an emotional level, you know that you are superior to us, in that ‘you can see right through us’…for the purpose of ‘manipulation to get what you want or to think that you will be able to fulfill your needs in that manner… Now who here is at a disadvantage…? You because we can ‘beat the pulp out of you?’ or us because you can wipe the floor with us, emotionally?… I would say in many respects you have the advantage… why? Because innately we know that we are not supposed to hurt you even if you hurt us emotionally, and that pretty much holds if you don’t overstep ‘your boundaries, ‘that particular boundary’ too far… If you do then more than likely (in this day and age) we will pound you into a pulp and only regret it afterwards when we come back to our senses. Is that ‘unfair’? Maybe so, but I personally believe that ‘feminism’ has done much to lower that boundary as it has men’s respect for femininity or women. This is not to say in the least that men have always treated women right or as they should, if that was the case chances are there would never have been a ‘feminist’ or ‘women’s rights’ movement in the first place! So I think that it can be said that neither of the sexes has been doing their ‘job’ just ‘perfectly. If we are perfectly content to just play ‘the blame game’ then I don’t see much changing and things just continually getting worse… and if ‘society’ breaks down and anarchy ensues then I can only think that women will have a much worse time of it then they do now by far, and you won’t have any ‘feminism’ to protect you from aggressive males and at that point it will only be your wills or ‘wiles’ that will keep you alive by ‘manipulating’ guys behind their backs to kill other males to keep yourself ‘safe’ from other males… but at that point just like in our prison system you will find that you’re just ‘someone else’s ‘Bitch’!

Now this description is not a very nice state of affairs and none of us want it to get to that point but I think it’s a fairly accurate analysis of the situation that would ensue under those circumstances.

Well what was the point of that digression…

Just that each of us was ‘made’ to fulfill certain roles within reason and when we do harmony is more likely to occur when we don’t step to far outside of our ‘evolutionary straightjacket’… if you believe in ‘evolution’ that is, or if you don’t, then that we may all be happiest when we live within the confines of our intended ‘purpose’, for those that have a ‘religious bent’ of mind… or just a practical one…

This is ‘my hobby’ that is ‘women’ and not because I’m an ‘unpassionate observer’ but quite the opposite. I was ‘damaged goods’ from very early on because my sisters treated me so abominably and my mom didn’t know how to handle a boy because of the deficits that she grew up with in her family situation… so it was a ‘generational luck of the draw’ so to speak and from that I’m unfit to really have a relationship. Yes I probably could overcome this given enough effort but at this point (59) I do not want to because every time I do, and there have been a few times, it turns out just it’s just to painful to endure, so I retreat and since the hormones are almost dead now it’s a lot easier to pull off!

So just take all of the foregoing as one males perspective however twisted and unhealthy… it’s one that I’ve lived with to more or less a degree my whole life and one that I’ve come more to terms with as time has progressed and as some kind of wisdom and acceptance has ensued. Also forgiveness toward a sister and mom and dad who are no longer here and a good relationship with a sister who still is. So generally platonic female relationships are ok up to a point but if they were to seem to proceed further I don’t let them, usually by withdrawing, my only defense. So much is still wrong inside but it’s a compromise that I have come to accept.

Thanks for letting me spew Rori and for having an audience to do so too!

Your column is appreciated!

Thanks.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:46pm
302: Emerson says:

I like this article even though it says stilettos are overrated!! Ahem…have you seen my avatar!?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:53pm
303: Emerson says:

Interesting and never ceases to amaze me how the articles on this blog are so often a topic that is in my radar! I was literally thinking today about this notion of pain/love and is that what I’m attached to?? I was thinking about collegeEx, toxicEx as RecycledCD and I have had a similar painful / love / piney feeling with all of them.
I was asking myself as I was driving who would I be without that feeling??

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 10:57pm
304: Emerson says:

Also I’ve been thinking about the concepts in the “power of now” and really enjoying being in the moment.

I’ve been working a lot and I am feeling burnt out.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:00pm
305: Emerson says:

Sirens I miss all of you.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:01pm
306: Tam says:

Rori’s post to ‘Distant’ resonates somehow.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:08pm
307: Emerson says:

305 yes me too Tam. That’s why I had to cut off recycled completely. To gain distance. Turn my back.

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:10pm
308: Tam says:

Hi Emerson! I’m on my way to Florida and feel happy!! Haven’t seen you for a while!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:12pm
309: Tam says:

Siren Island. Sigh. ‘people bringing people down by projecting their own story’.
Feels bad.
‘I feel triggered by watching Sirens slip into fwb situations’ – I am allowed to feel what I feel and believe that this doesn’t bring anyone down who isn’t intent on bringing themselves down. My triggers are MINE. My feelings are also. It is not projection.
That’s the last thing I say about it.
It is NOT my fault when others get triggered by my boundaries and me stating them.
Aaah, that feels better.
Done and dusted…off into the sun!!!
I feel sooo happy!!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:21pm
310: Emerson says:

Hi tam that’s great about FL!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 11:48pm
311: Emerson says:

I have yet to catch up on what you have all been up to. I’ve had very little “me” time and I’ve been pushing myself hard with work. The money is nice but I feel so tired.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:00am
312: Tereana says:

Alright, I haven’t gone to sleep yet. I’m lying in bed, and I have a rant that’s been on my mind all day….

All this stuff about “loving ourselves first.” as if that’s all we really need. And then that will somehow draw the right guy in. Or that it makes it ok. Like it IS all we really need? Bullsh*t.

I mean, not like loving yourself is bad. I mean that, I am here because I do love myself – at least the best way I know how. And even if I don’t, does that really make me unfit for relationship. I guess I can’t speak for everyone. But it seems to me we are all here because we know there is something profoundly different about being loved by someone else. Sharing love, and experiencing life that way is clearly different from just “loving oneself.” it must BE and DO something different, or else we wouldn’t want it. No one would want it. And it must be worth it, or we wouldn’t go to all the trouble.

Just now, I got sad looking at Facebook. Seemed like a lot of people I know are getting engaged, celebrating babies, preparing fit weddings. It’s almost nauseating because I wasn’t it do much. And I’m torn between feeling really, really happy for them, and just wondering – when is my turn?

When will I have paid enough debt to society to have worked off my own previous engagement? When is my punishment sentence of loneliness over? When can I let myself out, and forget about the idea that “I’m a bad person” and just get on with my life?

My fear is, of course, that I just AM a bad person. And I’m afraid I’m unfit, unworthy. Fit years, I’ve felt that I did such a bad thing, I don’t deserve to ever get married or be happy again. That was it. That was my chance. And I chose something else.

Every moment, I try to choose something new. And I do. But it stays with me. And all the other “gook” from earlier in my life.

How can I go on with these things hindering me? And what do I need to leg go of to release me of the belief that I need this stuff?

What can I do?

I feel despair. It feels like it will never work for me. Like I can do all the right things and never get anywhere. It’s like running in place. Like in a dream, when you can’t move. I feel ineffective, powerless.

And I had a breakthrough moment today. I realized that all my life I’ve been made to feel powerless. So I made myself strong – to make up for the fact that I had no power. But it didn’t give me power. And it’s power that I want, not strength. It’s power that I crave. And that’s also the thing I fear.

Wow, Martin Buber was right. Those things are true. And they are the same thing.

I wonder how I can start cultivating a relationship with my power, instead of with fear and craving?

Thank You.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:25am
313: Femininewoman says:

Tam have a safe trip

Emerson good to read you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:13am
314: babysteps says:

Dear Sirens & Rori,

I’m still working on the e-book. it’s surprisingly to me how long this is taking and how much more i’m getting out of it now that my r/s is on the line.

1) I am struggling with What do I feel? How do I tell what I am feeling is an authentic feeling and not the learned, habitual patterns of covering up our real feelings?

I think I am able to describe the physical aspect of my feelings like “the lower part of my rib cage feels tight, it feel like there is something there ” etc. but i’m not sure if that is a feeling of fear. Before reading the ebook, i would have said fear, but now i’m uncertain…

2) How do I put my feelings into words?

How do I do that without expressing blame?

For example, if I say ” i feel sick in my stomach, my heart feels tight and it literally hearts ” this expresses my feeling, but indirectly, aren’t i saying that HIS actions is the cause of these feelings?

3) Another issue, if i say ” i want something”, isn’t that considered demanding something from him? Like ” I want affection” is telling the guy to do something.

The same goes for ” i don’t want “. If i don’t want to do something, isn’t that asking HIM to do it?

Sirens and Rori, I hope someone can help explain this to me in a way I can understand. Thank you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:31am
315: Annie says:

261: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

!45/146/147
Yes–”taken” men are off limits.
That is one of the things that upset me so much about trailer-girl.
She had been coming on the property to visit trailer-guy for five months when they broke up. She had seen us together on numerous occasions.
But–when HS came on to her she glommed right on to him. Believed (at first) whatever he told her about me. Never had the decency to ask me what the deal was. Then seemed hurt when she realized he had a real relationship with me, and I wasn’t going anywhere. That HE didn’t want me to go anywhere.
If you get a WHIFF that there is a woman in the picture–FIND OUT. Then ask HER what the story is. And respect what she says…
I would have said we were going through a rough patch but were still very much together. If she had asked.

Hugs.
Do you really want to marry a man who came on to another woman.
Is this really what you want?
We have no control over what anyone else does.
How did this make you feel?
Do you want that?
Is this your subconscious love imprint driving you?
The only control we have is over ourselves and who we chose.
Do you want to make a conscious choice on choosing the best man for you who wants to and is able to give you your hearts desire?

On the other hand personally I do not want the drama of getting involved or dating any man who wants ‘friendships’ or to date other women. If he wants to date me then he gets the choice, me or them. The right man for me will chose me.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:06am
316: Daria says:

Thanks Miss Stix yay I feel heard and honored

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:30am
317: Daria says:

Babysteps – you’re doing great!

No stating your feelings does not mean he caused them

No saying I don’t want doesn’t mean you want him to do it … But gives him the room to

I feel excited to hear about your men experiences w these tools now!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:38am
318: Rebecca says:

Babysteps

I so hear what you are saying and that is what I struggle with…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:54am
319: Rebecca says:

Tereana

I absolutely relate to what you are saying. I am thinking maybe I suffer from depression.

I so relate to feelings of anger, jealousy, anxiety and obsessing over the past, and despair, and at times being incoherent.

I feel I am constantly saying ‘I want to change’. It is like I am screaming it from the top of my lungs…

That is me in a nutshell.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:14am
320: Sirenity says:

“taken men are off limits” .

Daria or FW may recall Rori’s view on this , but as i understand it , if he is married he is off limits, and if he is not then he is available.

This may feel triggering to some but i certainly believe that available is available.

A man who is committed AND honest wont be playing with others. If he is looking to date around then he is available. However , i feel cautious to engage with a man who is not clear in explainig his status.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:14am
321: Sirenity says:

I feel I a good place with my dating ..I need a couple more active CD’s though. One man , Twinkle man is fun to be with and I am feeling relaxed about further dates.

I am still hoping French man finds me..

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:18am
322: Vi says:

Omg I just got angry a friend of mine, and while processing my anger I somehow tracked down a belief of mine – Men hurt ! they are around me to hurt me … first I felt shocked and .. and stunned .. and then I felt a wave of relief going through my body … and then I felt a tingle of shame for having such a belief … I love my shame and I love my beliefs too. I can let go of this belief now … I can return it to my imaginary library of beliefs … it served me well, I loved it, thank you and it doesn’t work for me anymore … I’d like to exchange it to ‘Men are here to love me, take care of me, adore me, grow with me and make the world a safe – feeling place to me “. Thank you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:33am
323: Goddess Lily says:

Still don’t know whether my work ex, DA, is evolving with the advent of the tools or whether he is teaching me. Maybe both. I threw in some feeling messages during our playful banter through text and the next thing I know he was on his way over. I can count on one hand the number of times hes been to my house. But also while talking to him he reminded how hes been trying to get me to be cocky for the last 3 years (have confidence in myself) and some of the things he said alerted me to a pattern I have with not appreciating the things a man does for very long past when he does it. I feel embarrassed by this for not being able to gain enough confidence for people to notice a difference. What else can I do?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:48am
324: Goddess Lily says:

My job has a lot to do with my feelings of inadequacy. I’ve always been a high achiever and here I just can’t seem to get it right. DA things with my looks alone I should be running the place. Although that’s flattering, I also feel sad because I’m not running anything. I’m just existing. I’m grateful for this job where I just exist. My friends would kill for my salary. I just keep getting told how much better I can be.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:51am
325: Rebecca says:

@323: Goddess Lily

I sooo relate to you feeling:

I’m just existing. I’m grateful for this job where I just exist. My friends would kill for my salary. I just keep getting told how much better I can be.

That’s exactly how I felt in my last job…

It has left me with zero confidence in myself and my abilities. I felt like a nobody. I still feel like that now. Like a don’t deserve a job – like there is ‘nothing’ I can do.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:06am
326: Belle says:

Daria 282

I feel a giggly recognition here
This reminds me of how I handled things with C a couple of weeks ago…
My heroine had a whole script about how “I want you to step up and stop being a b!tch and be the man I need you to be for me,” etc.

So I stood in my living room and played out the speech and perfected it until I acted it all out like I wanted, got the tone right, felt it all right in my body standing there finger-wagging and pointing at my front door and it made me laugh and laugh
I NEEDED that energy to flow through my body for ME, C was the trigger for that.

When faced with him directly though, I was all sireny and feminine and gave him the speech about “I respect your need to stay free and not committed and yet this isn’t what I want.”

The drama was for ME to play around and have fun with and acting it all out for myself until I felt like I got the part perfectly right showed me how it was NOT what I wanted at ALL at ALL and saved me tons of humiliation

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:45am
327: Femininewoman says:

Oh Goddess Lily I so resonate with your feelings. Sometimes it helps me thinking that this is just what I do not who I am.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:53am
328: Iamabutterfly says:

a little late, but…@184 Turquoise – thank you so much for these beautiful thoughts. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I know that kind of pain never really goes away. (((((((((((Turquoise))))))))))))

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:55am
329: Femininewoman says:

I remember Sirenity but just this morning I heard a flip side on a talk show. A girl called in to say she was casually dating a guy and after sleeping with him discovered he was “cheating” on his girlfriend. The next happened was that the girlfriend called inviting her to join them in a 3-way. Everyone were apalled.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:56am
330: Rebecca says:

@322: Goddess Lily

Also, Goddes Lily, you being totally honest and vulnerable about your situation has really helped me.

It is like you have really let your guard down and allowed yourself to be vulnerable, rather than hiding it, masking it, or pretending that you are fine with it.

I much prefer that because it truly helps me.

It so nice to hear other sirens just let it all out, moan if you will. I feel I can relate to them so much better rather than just feeling I am asking for advice.

It is so great to see your process. And it is tangible, something I can relate too. I love that.

I much prefer it to just the image that people are fine all the time and only choosing to talk about positive things.

I don’t really need to discuss positive things. I only need to discuss stuff I need help with. If my life was all fine and dandy I’m not sure what I would be processing…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:59am
331: Iamabutterfly says:

I got a makeover. New hair, etc. I feel lighter, more feminine, I just feel new.

It made me want to change other aspects of myself. I would like to lose 10 lbs.

This feels so triggering because I’ve struggled with eating disorders. I’d rather be a little plump and happy with myself, then slender and constantly beating myself up over every little mouthful I take.

It’s was and can be a huge, dark, demonic, obsession, that can cause me to stop loving myself.

I feel really scared to become too obsessive about it, but my clothes are starting to get tight.

It would feel good to move more. I want to dance.
I love dancing. It helps to see how beautiful my body is at any weight, it burns calories, and it helps me to love my body.

but I’m so broke right now for classes or anything. I want to find other, more inexpensive ways to dance elegantly. yes, it has to be elegant and fluid, because that is what makes me feel good.

I feel scared to start this journey…
I can do it…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:02am
332: Femininewoman says:

RE 311 I feel you Tereana.

Your comments remind me of a book that CCarter recommends reading. Power vs Force. It was a difficult read for me but kinda reinforced that when we stand in power things seem to flow to us more naturally. The conundrum is how do we stand in power? Standing still and just being does not compute in my brain as power looking at a lot of other peoples experience.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:12am
333: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca – reality check

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:13am
334: Calypso says:

Surrender to now . . . this is exactly what I needed to read – it is exactly what I need to do – I need to turn my back on GM and the romantic pain he brings me . . . I’m going to the beach with JC next weekend and it looks like we will be staying at the same condo where GM and I stayed this Spring – I’m glad. I think it will help cover the tracks of my broken heart and it will help me see the difference between a loving relationship and a toxic one.

I want to heal.
I’m drinking too much . . . I’m running in stilettos and my feet are bloody from it ~

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:14am
335: Femininewoman says:

Goddess Lily – cocky? really? You don’t have a cock so maybe that is the reason you don’t know how to be cocky!! If told that I believe it would make me feel gigly and also say I wasn’t born with one and have never developed that skill.

On a serious note I believe he must be referring to confidence. Maybe your sharing your feelings is helping him to experience you as confident. Talk to yourself in the mirror, throw kisses at yourself and tell your reflection that she is beautiful. I can tell you that kind of thing has really affected my vibe. It was difficult at first because I cringed at my reflection but over time that changed and it was really eyeopening to “look” at my emotions.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:18am
336: MissStix says:

Tam 308

You have as much a right to your feelings as anyone here!!!

Have a wonderful trip!!!! I <3 florida, wish you could pack me in your suitcase!!

Safe journey <3

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:18am
337: Tereana says:

Okay, Universe. I had some dreams, but I don’t remember them. I slept. Now I’m awake. No special answers.

Oh well…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:21am
338: Femininewoman says:

Hi Distant

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:21am
339: Tereana says:

Oh cool – Thank you, FW for the book recommendation!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:23am
340: Rebecca says:

@331: Femininewoman

People with depression respond better when they hear other peoples thought processes. It’s not some great, mystery then and they don’t feel like they are doing anything wrong and that struggling and difficult emotions such as anger, anxiety, jealousy, fear, etc are all part of the norm and that we all suffer from them.

It helps us to process if we understand where everyone is coming from.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:26am
341: Tereana says:

Rebecca – 318 – Thanks.

Yes, I have been depressed in the past. Maybe I am right now and I don’t know it. But I also have PMS. And usually I can get pretty depressed during that time. So maybe that’s it. Which means that in a few days, when the hormones shift, all this will clear up.

I drank dandelion root tea last night and took my EPO, so I could take care of myself until then.

I can’t wait to feel better!!! : )

(Hey, maybe that’s why Mother Nature gave us PMS – she gave us a really sh*tty experience pre-period, so that when we get the period we’re not that bummed. We’re actually relieved! Lol. That’s some crazy nature psychology right there…hahaha)

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:27am
342: Tereana says:

fyi – a lot of typos in #311 because I was typing on my phone : )

So, one thing is standing out to me – an incredible urge that I had to “make things right” with Vman. To smooth things over. To make better. To apologize. It happened once before. When he was angry, we were “fighting” by text and I could feel it. The tension was so palpable to me, I couldn’t stand it. I suppose this happens to me with anyone I am “connected” with. I can feel their upset, and it bothers me. I don’t want to “sleep” on anger. I feel a need to resolve it. Is that bad? Is that codependent? Is that pathological? Or is it totally normal? Is it the result of my high sensitivity and empathy, and it is it also what anyone would do?

I have no basis for knowing, because my parents fought all the time. Any truce was temporary. In a way, I fear tension, because it triggers that scared-helpless-little-girl feeling in me. But I don’t feel it that way. I simply feel it as “I need this to stop. What can I do or say to get this feeling to be over?” And then when it’s over, I feel better. As long as we are “cool” it’s okay.

In this case, I also told Vman my truth. He says “we are cool.” I don’t feel it like we were the way we were before. Something feels different. But I’m not that worried about it. Okay, it doesn’t feel great. But I guess I don’t need to rush to change it or resolve it. Rushing to “make something happen” would be a mistake right now.

I think I will focus on small miracles. I will go through my life today, and work, and at the end of the day, maybe have some fun, and finally rest. That is my plan. And let this vague discontent just sit on my heart, exactly as it is. Maybe she can be my friend….

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:32am
343: Rebecca says:

Tereana

Yeah, I know what you mean. It is with me too, but maybe if I’m honest, a little more.

Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. We don’t all have to handle things perfectly all the time.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:33am
344: Tereana says:

Okay, one more spam before I go – to add to #311

Yesterday, I heard the cutest song while I was in the car. It was so cute, and yet it almost made me cry. I dont’ have the exact words, but the guy was singing:

“you have it so hard,
I know you don’t love yourself,
So, girl, just let me love you,
Until you can learn to love yourself.”

The first half was maybe a bit different (that’s the gist of it). But the second half was definitely it. And it made me really think about guys/men and what they have to teach us. Men find it easy to love themselves. It’s what happens for them as naturally as breathing. We get to learn it. And maybe one way is for a man to start loving us. And when he does, maybe then we DO find it easier to love ourselves.

Not that we “need” a man in order for that process to happen. I’m just saying that maybe (and according to this song) perfect “self-love” is not a prerequisite to us being in a relationship. But maybe a man who wants to love us, wants to love un in a broken state. He wants to love us and support us, even as we are learning to do the beautiful thing we call “loving ourselves.” Maybe he can even teach us about it and feel useful in our lives, because he’s able to alter how we feel – if we let him in, despite how broken we might feel.

Okay, typing that actually made me cry. I don’t why, exactly. It just feels so right somehow, so sweet and so pleasant – and so much easier than believing that I have to do all this work, and to do this “loving myself” perfectly before anyone else can love me. That might be a belief that i just need to let go of right now….

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:40am
345: Femininewoman says:

Tereana maybe that’s why dad’s and daughter’s relationship is so important. He teaches her to love herself and how she deserve to be loved? When he is a good/evolved man.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:42am
346: Femininewoman says:

Vi – I intend to share that belief with you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:51am
347: MissStix says:

Baby steps

You are asking the right questions.

The only advice I have for you now is keep writing it out. Keep asking the questions because in time, and with practice you will learn the answers. You may have to answer most of these questions on your own.

This is how it has happened for me, and I believe, most other sirens who feel as if they mostly “get it”. And you’ll notice we all have our own ways of doing things. But the primary stuff, the idea, the basic principle is all the same! Feel those feelings and learn how to love them and express them. Practice practice practice! Put yourself in situations that FEEL unusual and uncomfy and learn to love those feelings. Or situations that feel familiar and good/bad/uncomfy and lather, rinse, repeat. It will come.

After some time passes you will look back on what you did not understand and say “Woah…I have come so far! I get that now!”

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:58am
348: LiliBee says:

I’m feeling a little more relaxed this morning.
I still feel an undercurrent of tension in my chest.
It feels like a tightly woven ball rumbling desperately holding back to keep itself from bursting open.
I imagine the feeling of relief when it finally does burst open to let out the trapped energy.
It would feel so flowy and peaceful after.

That little ball of energy may be the urge to control an outcome.
It’s dying to come out, and I am surpressing it.
Struggling to keep the empty space open.
I’m bouncing from leaning on the back of the space to let the new come in to standing in the middle of it.
Standing in the middle of it, I feel the energy field tighten up as it has less space to flow.
It feels constricting.
When I step back and let it flow freely, I feel a release of pressure.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:00am
349: Femininewoman says:

“i felt like i won the lottery hearing that.

I so know this feeling.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:00am
350: Femininewoman says:

It is raining very heavily here. I wish I could have stayed in bed all day.

I feel like reminiscing/nostalgic thinking about the beginning of 2012. All the plans and dreams I had. The year seemed to have drifted by very quickly. On Monday we begin the October which is the beginning of the last three months of the year.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:03am
351: MissStix says:

mmmm I feel real again. I feel…Refreshed. I feel me. I felt my connection to the universe so strong and I knew. In that moment I got it. Yes…Every itty bitty little happening in my life is a part of my life. A part of me. And that’s REALLY cool! Like…No matter how I feel in any given situation it is just an absorbing. A processing. My absorbing. My body. My brain. My chemicals produced by my body and my brain. And….aww I don’t have to feel frightened of this happening! I can reserve my fear feelings for situations that actually call for fear! Like…If a moth flies bear me EEEEEEEEP! Woah. Now that’s a scary situation. Bring on the fear feelings

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:07am
352: LiliBee says:

D called last night.
He didn’t know what to say.
I just asked “How are you.”

I let go of all controll by not asking any questions other than “How are you.”
No “What have you been up to?” No “What are you doing?”

I told him I missed him.
He didn’t respond, and I left it.

He didn’t mention wanting to see me.
This is his weekend to have his son.
I did not ask him what he had planned, surrendering totally to open space and not controlling.
He said he had some work to do in his garage on Saturday.
We left the convo him saying “We’ll talk again.”
I said simply “OK, goodnight.”

I would rather have him call me and plan to see me bc he feels inspired to.
I intend to have things flow to me instead of controlling and demanding it to.

I have plans for myself this weekend anyway.
I am looking forward to focusing on me by doing things for me like: Cleaning, organizing, working on my wishboard, watching chick flicks.
It will feel good to get recentered and refocused on myself.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:11am
353: MissStix says:

Aww I love me and I love my fear feeling when a moth flies by. And I scream and freeze and then flight kicks in and my arms flail and I book it!!!!! Fat squirmy irratic little insects. So freaky! You scare the ish outta me but I still love you. Awww you look so gross…Like you belong in the underworld! But your celestial navigation system is UBER COOL like…I wish I used the stars to navigate when I fly…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:12am
354: LiliBee says:

The forecast calls for cold and rain here all weekend.
A perfect weekend to cocoon and get wrapped up in myself.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:13am
355: MissStix says:

awww so much compassion for the moth. So many many many eons of evolving and us humans wreck it all with electricity. (((((moths))))) (((((humans)))))

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:14am
356: Daria says:

im feeling so frustrated with myself!

when will i have enough money to prove to my dad that im not a loser!

when will i be famous and recognized enough to prove to my dad that we’re worthy

when will i be free enough to travel whenever wherever on my own

when will i be mindful enough to care for my beauty consistently

when will i be cool enough to have cool people consistently inviting me out and connecting with me

when will i ‘get it togheter’ enough to choreograph and video my dance video

when will i be healed enough to write articles and create a website to help people

when will i be magical enough to attract donations

when will i be poweful enough to be able to free people from imprisonment

and feel safe treated by armed peoples

i feel so frustrated with this world

i feel like throwing my lego blocks at teh wall!!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:16am
357: Starla says:

blooming 287
thank youuuuu

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:19am
358: Goddess Lily says:

Thank you Rebecca and FW and everyone else. I really appreciate everyone here. I don’t always get to respond to those that have taken the time to help me and my questions so I apologize for that. I’m typically at work, or worse, driving and can’t type on my little phone that well. BUT I want to let everybody know that read, process through and appreciate the feedback even if you don’t hear from me.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:21am
359: Goddess Lily says:

FW-And now I’m giggling at cocky. DA compared me to another woman here at work and he said the only thing she has over me is that.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:23am
360: Daria says:

oh i like this list!

that pretty much covers my troubles/1

i can tap on it! – oh WHEN will i have the mindfulness and energy to do so

i feel PIST

rrrgh

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:23am
361: Iamabutterfly says:

343: Tereana – I love that song sooooooo much! Ne-yo – Let me love you. Makes me feel hopeful, accepted, optimistic.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:28am
362: MissStix says:

Tahday I getta go shopping with a mans debit card! Ohh that feels so fun and playful. I am, as my mom says, a kept woman. Hehehe Happy birthday to me! Monday monday monday!!! The first day of the best month awwww yeah. My mom had a c-section scheduled on my dad’s bday. But in true stix form I said He11 to the no and said hello to this world a few days early. Ummm pshhyeah! I require my own bday tyvm! And ((((mommy)))) who was asleep when I came to this world because I was being stubborn and would not come, and the fear…Omg. She must have felt so many fear feelings before they knocked her out. Heart rate dropping.Something is wrong. Emergency c-section NOW! No time for epidural, put her under! lets go! Tense mommy. No room for stix to slip out until you were asleep :p but at least they did not have to operate Collapsed lung. Awww tiny baby stix. Always a fighter. No way I would kick it out of this world just because I only had one working lung. No. effing. way. And here I am! Turning 29 on monday. Go me!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:31am
363: Femininewoman says:

(((((((((((((Stix’s Mom))))))))))))))))

Happy Birthday Miss Stix

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:33am
364: MissStix says:

Omgosh…I’m a survivor! Wow that feels cool! I survived a traumatic birth. Dangerous conditions. Some b1tch ran over me with her car when I was just a little girl. Hey lady!! Stop making kissy faces with your bf in the back seat and pay attention to the parking lot!!! There’s a little girl walking around….ooops! You thought you ran over a dog so you kept driving. Ignorant. Sigh. It’s ok I forgive I guess…Maybe not. I don’t feel forgiveness when I have dreams about that day. Do I need to heal this?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:36am
365: MissStix says:

((((femininewoman))))

Many thanks!!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:39am
366: Goddess Lily says:

Happy Birthday Miss Stix

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:39am
367: MissStix says:

Thank you goddess!

I feel now like I was fishing for happy bdays hehe not my intention, but yum! I love happy birthdays!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:47am
368: MissStix says:

hmmm I’ve never thought of this…Going way way back in my memory to find healing.

I went back to that rest stop in oregon when I was in my early 20′s. It felt…Strange. eerie. Like…I remembered it all. But the hill there looked much bigger in my mind than it really was. I felt mild anger…I feel it now. I remember it all. My dad…Walking accross the lot to that hill and he had a bag of bugles and yum!!! I wanted some. So I followed him, but I never got to him. And then it’s blank. But this is where my recurring dream kicks in and it’s no longer blank. I live the whole thing over and over. And past the dream memories are more real memories. Pain. Blood. Tears. Clothing being cut off me. And ohhhhh I loved that little outfit so much! and little stix put up a fight. Don’t cut it!!! noooooo. Silly little girl. No one gave a sh1t about your little outfit with the colourful swirly shapes on it…. I made them keep it. And I had that cut up skirt until I was about 11. hmmm…years until I could surrender it to the trash.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:56am
369: Starla says:

i feel all over the place about Warrior.
So I got on OKCupid and started answering messages that I’ve left unanswered for a long time. It feels like good distraction.

I believe my great love is out there, and it feels confusing to get sidetracked, in a way, by someone that isn’t giving me ‘great love potential’ vibes. But at the same time, I feel strongly that he is an important stepping stone on the way.

So, yeah, confused.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:56am
370: MissStix says:

Oh but I did do this before. I did it with the bullying stuff…And it worked!!! It worked so well I almost forgot it was a trauma. Now it just is what it is. Events that occurred….Hmmmm this is good. Keep it up ((((me))))

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:59am
371: Femininewoman says:

Starla my humble opinion is that you are making a wise decision. This is your life and it is in your best interest to go for what you want in it.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:12am
372: Femininewoman says:

Oh my ((((((((((((MissStix)))))))))))))

Even if it was a dog one would hope that a human would at least stop to make sure. I wonder what was happening with her. Poor little stix but the Universe did cradle you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:15am
373: Brandylion says:

So the guy who wants to take me out Saturday doesn’t seem to be listening when I tell him that I already have dinner plans.

I’ve already declined his offer for dinner because I have said plans. He responded well when I said I like to let a man lead by planning dates. He keeps asking me about my favorite food and my favorite restaurants near where I live and where I’d like to go.

I know he just wants to make me happy, but I don’t know how to reply anymore with FMs to convey that going out for food with him on Saturday is not what I want because I’m already going out for food with other people!

I don’t know how to just receive what he is offering me! I’m not going to go out for Indian food with him in the afternoon because I have dinner plans at 7. I’m not going to force myself to eat twice just to be nice and accept a date with him. I don’t know what to do.

Help?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:16am
374: Femininewoman says:

How about breakfast?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:17am
375: MissStix says:

mmm starla!

I like your awareness and yes, if a man is a stepping stone in our mind I don’t believe he has great love potential. And I feel curious…Not a question so much as a wondering…How would it feel for starla to explore this stepping stone vision. What would she discover. I wonder… and maybe she’s already aware of this. She probably is

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:19am
376: Femininewoman says:

What Is ‘Bitch’ Language, And How Does It Affect Your Relationship?”

Hi, This is Rori –

Just the word “Bitch” is so provocative. It brings up so many feelings – which means that talking about it will help you so much – it moves us forward and upward so much more quickly when we work with powerful, emotional images and issues.

I know this “bitch” theme is recurring in this series of letters – and I’ve discovered that for most of my clients – this “bitch” “label” and energy is a source of deep pain and deep power.

If you’ve found yourself being so “nice” with a man because you’re afraid to “set a foot wrong” – that can completely block a real, emotional connection with him.

If we’re out of touch with your inner “bitch” and stuff her down and judge her and try to “rise above” her – we pretty much insure a superficial relationship with a man – denying him access to one of most ATTRACTIVE qualities, and often creating “drama” when we least want to.

In my new group coaching class “You Get Love” we’ll deal with YOUR unique issues. You may need one-on-one help with Circular Dating, or Feeling Messages, or getting in touch with your inner “bitch” and “drama queen.” In You Get Love – you get personal time with me.

So, now that we’ve talked a bit about Masculine and Feminine Energies, let’s talk about what “Bitch” language looks and sounds like:

1. A combination of Masculine and Feminine energies that’s intriguing, disturbing and destructive (still, much more attractive to a man than “bland”).

2. It’s sort of “hands-on-hips, leaning forward, pointing finger, making him wrong.”

3. It says “YOU did this, and YOU did that, and YOU are like this, and YOU are causing this…”

4. It walks away when things aren’t going the way it wants. Literally walks away. (Very intriguing to a man.)

As a contrast, here’s what pure Feminine Energy language – that’s completely attractive, magnetic and conveys the feeling that you’re just “being” – looks and sounds like:

1. It’s leaned-back, warm, inviting, grounded, centered, no-nonsense, feeling, easy, taking responsibility for itself, just Being

2. It says “I feel, I’m feeling, I felt…” It feels…and NEVER mentions HIM

3. It stands still when things aren’t going the way it wants, and if it starts feeling bad, it walks away. (Yep – walking away is FEMININE. “Hanging-in” when it feels bad is MASCULINE.)

The first step for ANY shifts in your results is to know what things look and feel like, and to become aware of what you’re feeling and the words you’re using. Everything after that is just step-by-step, and personal help to do that is what you’ll get in my “You Get Love” 7-week class==>>

http://www.coachrori.com/teleclass/

Love, Rori

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:20am
377: Femininewoman says:

What Is ‘Bi!tch’ Language, And How Does It Affect Your Relationship?”

Hi, This is Rori –

Just the word “Biatch” is so provocative. It brings up so many feelings – which means that talking about it will help you so much – it moves us forward and upward so much more quickly when we work with powerful, emotional images and issues.

I know this “b!itch” theme is recurring in this series of letters – and I’ve discovered that for most of my clients – this “b!itch” “label” and energy is a source of deep pain and deep power.

If you’ve found yourself being so “nice” with a man because you’re afraid to “set a foot wrong” – that can completely block a real, emotional connection with him.

If we’re out of touch with your inner “biatch” and stuff her down and judge her and try to “rise above” her – we pretty much insure a superficial relationship with a man – denying him access to one of most ATTRACTIVE qualities, and often creating “drama” when we least want to.

In my new group coaching class “You Get Love” we’ll deal with YOUR unique issues. You may need one-on-one help with Circular Dating, or Feeling Messages, or getting in touch with your inner “biatch” and “drama queen.” In You Get Love – you get personal time with me.

So, now that we’ve talked a bit about Masculine and Feminine Energies, let’s talk about what “Biatch” language looks and sounds like:

1. A combination of Masculine and Feminine energies that’s intriguing, disturbing and destructive (still, much more attractive to a man than “bland”).

2. It’s sort of “hands-on-hips, leaning forward, pointing finger, making him wrong.”

3. It says “YOU did this, and YOU did that, and YOU are like this, and YOU are causing this…”

4. It walks away when things aren’t going the way it wants. Literally walks away. (Very intriguing to a man.)

As a contrast, here’s what pure Feminine Energy language – that’s completely attractive, magnetic and conveys the feeling that you’re just “being” – looks and sounds like:

1. It’s leaned-back, warm, inviting, grounded, centered, no-nonsense, feeling, easy, taking responsibility for itself, just Being

2. It says “I feel, I’m feeling, I felt…” It feels…and NEVER mentions HIM

3. It stands still when things aren’t going the way it wants, and if it starts feeling bad, it walks away. (Yep – walking away is FEMININE. “Hanging-in” when it feels bad is MASCULINE.)

The first step for ANY shifts in your results is to know what things look and feel like, and to become aware of what you’re feeling and the words you’re using. Everything after that is just step-by-step, and personal help to do that is what you’ll get in my “You Get Love” 7-week class==>>

http://www.coachrori.com/teleclass/

Love, Rori

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:22am
378: MissStix says:

Femininewoman

Yes those have always been my thoughts as well.

And in the minutes that have passed since that post I have tried to put myself in her driver’s seat. And I found I felt so gross. So ick and nauseated and I could throw up feeling the thump and then bump of running over any living thing with the wheels of a car. I had to stop. Triggering is good but I don’t like the ghagging feeling. I don’t want to force trigger myself today. I feel too happy! Maybe another time.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:23am
379: Femininewoman says:

I feel compassion for her

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:27am
380: Starla says:

fw, thanks:) wise feels good

though i haven’t ‘decided’ anything hehe

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:28am
381: Radlove says:

Starla,

18 – A few months ago, I picked up an older lady who was hitch-hiking. Turns out she had no car and simply needed a ride from her house to a grocery store. I gave her several rides after that, along with $50, before I left my job. She was waiting to be approved for social security, and she didn’t even have money for toilet paper. She had no phone.

When my situation deteriorated after I lost my job, I continued to stop by to see if she needed rides. She took offense over a simple misunderstanding of a certain time she wanted to be picked up, and she snarled at me. After that, she wouldn’t even open her door when I came around.

I concluded that for some people, they are so wounded that they simply are not able to let love in, or to give love. I will be praying for you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:29am
382: Femininewoman says:

“Longing makes me feel alive. It taps into my imagination and takes me to a place of romance and lust and passion that this daily life of recycling, cleaning the kitchen, working and cuddling don’t even graze. ”

I wonder if this is what men go through when they are in their caves? I wonder if this is the reason some consciously choose to poof? Then reappear with gusto as if nothing happened?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:29am
383: Femininewoman says:

ick

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:30am
384: Femininewoman says:

Take your time girl.

You deserve the best Starla.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:31am
385: MissStix says:

ooooo

Biatch!! I like this…Oh and this is a great reminder that when I remove myself I am being my feminine being.

And maybe i’m a little afraid to access my biatch even still. I feel so comfy accessing my feminine and it’s so rare for me to combine that with masculine and sink into biatch. Hmmm but it does feel safe now. Talkiing about it. And I wonder…What kind of situations could I use to access this biatch? Hmmm I feel I was accessing it a little talking about the driver woman of that car. Yes. I feel more comfy to access the biatch when I think I am entirely innocent in the situation. But it may be a learning experience to access this facet of me on occasion even if i’m not so entirely innocent. This would feel powerful and unafraid.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:32am
386: Annie says:

I feel crap, so tired.
I want to feel better and well.
need some healthy food.

Feel sad because not well enough to go out, feel best rest.
Grrrrrr I hate being ill.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:33am
387: Annie says:

Happy Birthday miss stix.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:34am
388: Starla says:

Radlove, give me a break. leave me alone. show some respect. you made your bed, now lie in it. grow up. etc., etc., etc.

btw, that one “anonymous” donor who added to LG’s pot of money she gave you was me. It’s not that I don’t care about you, it’s that I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE COMMUNICATING WITH YOU DOES NOT FEEL GOOD FOR ME. Leave. me. alone. LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:36am
389: Starla says:

Thanks, FW. I feel a little scared he’s gonna “poof” on me if I don’t sleep with him now that I’ve been teasing and hinting that I would like to.

ah well

It’s fun to see how “okay” i am, though. this sort of stuff used to drive me batty.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:38am
390: MissStix says:

femininewoman

Great great wonderings about man caving!

He has not requested alone time in a long time, but when he used to request it he would say “I like to think we could have times where we miss each other.” and I related to that and it felt honest.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:42am
391: MissStix says:

Even if my feelings were irritated to hear that

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:43am
392: MissStix says:

More happy bdays! hooray thx annie

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:45am
393: Femininewoman says:

Bob Grant talks about sexual tension

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:46am
394: Femininewoman says:

“I think it was the stupidest thing I’ve done in the whole relationship. It was terrible. I inflicted tremendous pain on Maria and unbelievable pain on the kids,” Schwarzenegger said of the affair that led to a son who is now 14.

http://news.yahoo.com/schwarzenegger-maid-affair-stupidest-thing-110322258.html

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:05am
395: Rebecca says:

Miss Stix

Happy birthday!!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:07am
396: Femininewoman says:

3. Don’t tell your wife.

OK, I’m here comes the hate mail.

But here’s my reasoning.

If you tell your wife, she’s quite simply never going to trust you again.

This one incident is going to be a wedge between you that’s going to fester in her mind for the rest of your lives together.

She’s always going to be stewing over this in the back of her mind. Comparing herself to the other woman. Wondering if you’re cheating on her again.

It’ll be like a cancer and it’ll never go away.

If you love your wife and your family, you should move on.

Be a great husband. Be a great Dad. Realize you messed up because you’re human and arrange your life so this kind of thing isn’t going to happen again.

Got it?

(Now, if you’re a serial cheater who’s bounding into bed with whoever is available while lying to your woman with a level of skill most of us only
have for Tetris . . well, then you’re just a dick and you owe it to your wife to end things and move on.)

Agree?

Disagree?

-Mike Fiore

http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/i-cheated-now-what-do-i-do/

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:11am
397: Rori Raye says:

Joseph – I can’t believe I’m letting your comment through (I hardly ever let men onto this blog) – but I just think you have a compassionate and sweet “voice” and that we can help you as much as you can help us. The problem for most women these days is that we meet men like you. Good men, who believe they can’t have relationships. I personally know SEVERAL GREAT men who simply can’t seem to find “Ms. Right.” They simply aren’t in relationships. They “try,” though, and I hear that you don’t.

The question I put to you is this. Forgetting what you “think” – do you really believe that at this point in your life, allowing things to be the same until you die is the greatest choice? If you had some help, read books, did some coaching, went to meditation centers and speed dating and Circular Dated yourself – do you think it might be possible that having this kind of romantic “adventure” – sort of like traveling and trying new things in general like learning to ballroom dance….might be worth the pain and discomfort? I mean – deep emotional companionship is a wonderful thing. Do you really want to make the choice that you’re never going to have it?

I say to all of us: Be BRAVE. Cultivate bravery. Cultivate new ways of thinking, new ways of being and participating in and experiencing life.

Life is life. I don’t encourage making ideological decisions about it and then gathering evidence to support our theories. Life isn’t a rehearsal for something else. It’s not a play we’re writing were we’re concerned about how the dialogue goes, and how the characters are written, and what the plot is.

It just IS. It unfolds. Every moment, every choice we make sends us off in a new direction. We either go with that flow, or we resign ourselves to something we make up and then try to live out.

If you’ll reconsider the possibilities, I would be very encouraging.

You seem like a sensitive, thoughtful man. Would love really be so “not worth it” for you?

Love, Rori

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:12am
398: Starla says:

happy birthday miss stix:)

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:12am
399: Rebecca says:

Lol, I think Rori’s comment to Joseph seriously applies to me too…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:16am
400: Daria says:

i feel so triggered sometimes when someone shares a story with a ‘moral’

i feel ENRAGED actually

like im being paved over by cement, alive

ugh

i wonder whatsup with that

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:16am
401: Goddess Lily says:

Can someone summarize what Joseph said? My attention span is extra short today but I want to understand.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:19am
402: Rebecca says:

@400: Daria

Wow Daria – that is some serious triggering!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:20am
403: Rebecca says:

@401: Goddess Lily

My geist of the comment is:

Joseph is a really sweet guy who can’t seem to get a girlfriend – so Rori is telling him just to get out there and have a go.

Try online dating, speed dating, anything and everything…

I think.

And I wholeheartedly agree with her and it’s what I need to do…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:23am
404: Daria says:

Rebecca – yeah! and it feels weird cuz i usually get that feeling from the first half of the sentence of said stories that trigger me

its like, i get the impression someone is nto looking at me but talking over me and paving me over

and it feels confusing, i don’t quite ‘get’ why it feels that powerfully triggering

ive noticed feeling this way over and over

i feel like a non-human … i feel like im being denied or annihilated.. hmm… totally not heard

i feel like punching to show im alive

totally powerless

tummy tightening

mfff

i feel urge to control and STOP that bulldozing story

sigh

i want some healing and shifts around this

ugh

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:25am
405: Femininewoman says:

Oh my. Joseph phew. That was a lot to digest. A lot to see, looking through your eyes. At my age, I have to admit that I agree with a bit of what you said. Your life experiences are valid and affect your choices. I am pretty sure many of the younger generation will disagree with what might be experienced as a soliloquy. But thank you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:25am
406: Rebecca says:

404: Daria

I take it you are talking about Rad loves story?

Lol, it made me laugh to be honest!! Hehe… it sort of tickled me…

Wonder what it’s bringing up for you?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:31am
407: Femininewoman says:

RE 406/404

I got the impression it was about Joseph’s comment

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:33am
408: Daria says:

hmm well yes right now Radlove’s comment has triggered me, and almost always the comments with stories with ‘morals’ at then end always trigger me this way.

also my mom’s similar stories

i haven’t read Josephs comment

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:36am
409: Daria says:

im triggered w my mom looking away from me as she launches into a story – i mockingly can repeat it in my head

she iwll sometimes literally raise her voice to continue talking when im talking

also ‘rambling old person’ comes to mind

i feel like ‘i’m being used’ when this is happening

i feel that way reading some of Radlove’s stories especially repeated ones, and i feel quite horrible – then blameful and vengeful when those comments pop up

(theres one about the ‘very intelligent’ us attorney,
another about ‘growing up i experienced a lot of emotional abuse,’ and i think another that comes up repeatedly)

im not sure what triggers me about this!!! which feels frustrating

i feel afraid and ashamed actually to talk about this, i imagine this can feel triggering to Radlove

i feel this urge to just shut up the person telling me this story

i do NOT give permission for my energy to be used this way!!!

it seems like an explaining as a form of control thing for me

i don’t know… i just know i feel very very angry being talked to that way

totally out of proportion seeming reaction

i have been practicing just skipping the comments. i get the ‘feeling’ within the first few words… i wonder if its energetic or what

this also happens with other people’s stories (with morals), Radlove’s are just the ones i’ve noticed the strongest
reaction/trigger for me that i can recall right now

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:45am
410: Daria says:

i feel very guilty bringing this up too

i know theres a lot of ‘blame’ feeling from me and i don’t want to put that out on anyone

sorry Radlove

i wish i could get clear about what is so triggering for me

it might be that i do this too.. hmm… run my stories over on people?

or is ti just the trigger from my mom?

being tuned out and feeling very unheard and ‘forced’ to remain there to be used as a sounding board

i feel unsure

i feel very upset now

thats probably it

i love all my feelings

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:49am
411: Femininewoman says:

RE 410 – Daria I am hearing my son’s voice reading these comments. My daughter seem to handle it better than him. But I am seeing him shut down and shutting me out when I do this to him.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:51am
412: Emerson says:

Wow miss stix thanks for sharing about your life I feel gom
Compassion and inspiration reading your posts

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:52am
413: Rebecca says:

409: Daria

I soooo relate to you!

I have been there many times when people are talking ‘at’ me.

I hate it!!

It actually has made me ill.

I get you about Radlove’s stories too. (Sorry Radlove!)

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:52am
414: Daria says:

it was very hard for me to not see this as the storyteller’s ‘fault’

i have such a strong urge to somehow get them to stop.

that probably comes across in my comments – sorry Radlove

it’s ‘wrong’ to do this keeps coming up for me

i feel lost and confused

maybe i was very small when i first started getting lectured this way?

i want to beg to just stop stop stop!

please stop!

it feels horrible horrible!

how can i own my power

how can i bring this back to me

its possible i lecture myself and its part of my obsessive thinking

hmmm

this is explaining as a form of control! – thought? blame? judgement/=?

so confused

but it is!

and it Does feel bad

it does it does

feeling bummed

i do NOT want to be talked to this way

sweetly: like what/?? blink blink

oh i feel so confused

i don’t knwo like what

just this way

this horrible feeling way

sigh

ok feeling a lil more open

its nobodys fault

that im getting triggered

actually i might be healing some of this now

oh i still feel reageful just hearing the beginning of it in my mind

im about to be disrespected, tuned out, talked at, not to, treated like a listening post, made uniimportant

NO I DONT WANT TOOOOOOOOOO

sigh

hmmmfffff

tight mouth

i love my tight mouth

tight heart

i love my tight heart

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:55am
415: Rebecca says:

@410: Daria

Daria, can I ask, since using Rori’s tools has this got better for you? I really hope it works for me.

It’s the lack of control that I hate. How I seem to be in that position voluntarily and I can’t get out…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:56am
416: Daria says:

i feel heard feminine woman and Rebecca

Rebecca wow i feel surprised and reassured hearing that it made you feel ill

yes this is how i feel , like rage or some kind of violation of myself turning my stomach

it feels horrible

i feel trembly and tight cheeks and sad now

i love my feelings

sobby

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 9:58am
417: Daria says:

Rebecca – yes , i can now notice “this doesn’t feel good” and skip the comment instead of forcing myself to listen

i have also just practiced being there and feeling it with my mom, in a very present way

im also able to say no, i dont want to talk right now and leave the room (even if some drama ensues)

ugh

pffrrrttt

yes its better

i have some tools now to say no

my mom doesn’t actually do this so much anymore , i wonder if its from my tools

ive also tried saying HEY HEY HEYYYYY!!! when the talking over me is happening

blah

sometimes i get pulled into arguing after, but ive been practicing staying wiht FM’s and dont wants lately

just recently i was able to do it very well for the first time in a triggering situation where i was being picked on (in my perspective) by her

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:02am
418: Daria says:

it feels scary to break the pattern but it has brought change. def worth it, even if i make ‘mistakes’ by getting defensive after

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:03am
419: MissStix says:

Daria

I am really wondering a lot of things about what you’re saying and i’d like to thank you for saying them because I think I do that “I have the wisdom” talking sometimes. And it really does feel calming to know how others might feel receiving this.

And in return, to you…

When I do this I think like “Oh, I see this person might feel suffering and i’ve been through that too and maybe my story can give them perspective!” Then I feel almost like i’m showering them with compassion. But I see now it may not be received and felt that way.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:04am
420: Laughing Goddess says:

I’m feeling very sensitive at the moment. I just cried lots of tears watching this show about a topic that is very moving to me.

And feeling a little unsafe here. There’s a little voice in my head telling me I am being ganged up on a bit…which I know is not really true, just feels true at the moment.

And feeling kind of angry and annoyed at ‘office politics’ type vibes. Actually feeling grossed out by that and judgmental.

I’m actually feeling better though as I write this because I know I can turn things around and have a great day.

I don’t want to fall into that victim voice or us vs them mentality.

Mmmmm, I love me and my awareness that I don’t have to go there. That feels great to think about.

Feeling sensitive to harshness, harsh words, harsh vibes. And now feeling some compassion coming up.
What must be going on in people’s heads to act that way? Probably looking for acceptance and validation.

Awwww, (((humans))). That’s what we all want anyway probably, to know that we are accepted and loved.

Wow, awareness of that really shifts things a lot.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:08am
421: MissStix says:

And When I read radloves comment I felt a lottle lurch in my belly at “I am praying for you…” like oh no!! But I wasn’t sure why I felt that…So I went and read the original comment (18 i believe) by starla. Then my brain said ohhhhh no no no! oh yuck. It feels kind of icky to think of someone praying for someone when the person neither wants, nor needs a parayer. And like…Tense in my belly watching someone get TOLD they need a prayer and told that they are too wounded to let love in. and then I moved on…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:10am
422: Starla says:

I have been having dreams about my exes. They’re always about just one ex at a time. In my dreams, they’re catching me act abusive toward them or others.

In my dream last night, I smacked A across the face with my cell phone. I felt so angry about something stupid/trivial in my dream.

I never hit him but I definitely was aggressive/abusive with him when we were together.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:11am
423: Femininewoman says:

“too wounded to let love in”

How dare I make such an assertion about anyone?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:12am
424: MissStix says:

(((starla)))

((((radlove))))

I feel guilty again talking of others instead of to them. but I am committed to open now. And I would never do this anywhere other than where you can see it.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:14am
425: Starla says:

ohhh i’m not too worried about it. it’s just a case of someone not respecting and/or second-guessing my boundaries.

I have a lot of love in my life:)

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:14am
426: Laughing Goddess says:

Been sharing a computer with my guy and feeling so triggered about FB. He leaves his account open and I’ll go to open up FB and his account will pop up and I’ll see that he has a new message or friend request and I feel such a strong curiosity and urge to look but I don’t. The urge is so strong it almost hurts.

And a few times I have opened something up accidentally because I will absentmindedly think it’s my account and he doesn’t even care at all. I will just tell him so that he doesn’t overlook the message from not seeing the notification.

And I love that he has nothing to hide and doesn’t care about me having access to his account.

And I love that I haven’t been looking intentionally.

oh, but it does feel challenging at times. And it’s not from lack of trust, just strong curiosity and I think a conditioning to click on those buttons when I see the little notification symbol.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:15am
427: Femininewoman says:

RE 419 – Just this morning I again heard the comment “if it makes you feel better” and felt the condescending energy.

This discussion is helping me to clarify my feelings around this comment.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:15am
428: Daria says:

miss stix – i feel frustrated about the difference

i dont know why sometimes i feel open and receiving, and other times i feel like a blanket or the blinds are being drawn over me

it seems like the ‘blanket drawn over me ‘ stories have something repetitive and ‘remote’ about them to me, like they’re drawn out of some kinda of mental memory

they don’t feel ‘alive’ to me,

but i still feel confused as to the actual differences between that and stories i feel good and open hearing

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:16am
429: Daria says:

office politics in the blog triggered me to feel unseen (and then rage)

i feel rage often when i feel unseen

yay!

go D

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:18am
430: MissStix says:

420 LG

I like your openness!

This is good. These posts are great.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:18am
431: bloom-ing says:

i had a dream last night …. it was hilarious actually !

i dreamt i was climbing the stairs of a ski lodge

i saw my ex boyfriend from hs/college & he gave me a flirty smile

& i smiled,

very excited ! to introduce him to my cat & my partner,

so then i turned around

& instead of CD, there was a blonde girl with me ??

lol & i felt pretty baffled, but i just said to the ex, ” hey, so this is my cat & this is my —

& i couldn’t finish my sentence.

i was just looking at this girl like ? what ? who are you ?

i almost said “this is my cousin” but that didn’t make sense….

finally the girl said, “i’m her partner”

& i said, “my partner, X” – X being the name of the girl who was my best friend when i dated this ex & suddenly the girl morphed looking more like my best friend from high school / college…

& the ex was smiling all bemused, like, “you’re a lesbian now ?”

& i just started laughing like, “gosh, i’m going to have to call him later to explain that i’m not a lesbian, it’s just nice that my partner is my best friend” LOL

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:18am
432: Daria says:

also, ironically, its the stories themselves from the beg of the first sentence that trigger me to feel that horrible feeling

the actual ending, even though it may b clearly disrespectful, does not trigger me almost at all..

im just like shrug , ok

but the begining of such a story my stomach feels lurching – followed by rage

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:19am
433: Daria says:

lol! blooming hehe

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:20am
434: Femininewoman says:

Daria I experience the discussion of FB Siren Island as office politics. I wonder at times how many people there talk about me but I decide it is pointless and silly to go down that alley. Then I imagine how beautiful it must be to keep up with each others lives and see the lovely siren faces.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:21am
435: bloom-ing says:

OMG i wonder if he can get in my dreams now ????

is this insane thinking ? i swear it’s not. ok, so maybe he can dream-travel now. that’s cool. if so, he can also then mind-read i decide & he will automatically know what i meant lol

i really wanted to show him how my cat is “on my side” – “one of me” lol…. can’t describe that feeling fully…. my cat is part of my spirit animal identity ?

lol oh well time for peeing & an errand.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:21am
436: Femininewoman says:

What does the lurching signify?

That is exactly what I feel

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:22am
437: Femininewoman says:

blooming – traveling across parallel universes

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:25am
438: Rebecca says:

@417: Daria

That’s good to know it is changing for you.

One boyfriend once said to me that he didn’t like it when people ‘off-loaded’ on him.

I guess it comes down to time as much as anything.

A friend of mine always says to me ‘My time is precious’

Who has time to be used by someone who doesn’t care if the person they are talking to is uncomfortable or not.

That is the way I see it…

Harsh but true…

The problem with me is I always feel guilty and go back to that person.

I think this is what’s called a co-dependant relationship.

If nothing was to be lost by speaking your mind, walking away, etc… then it would be easy.

In a way you have got into a bind with these sorts of people where a pattern has been set.

I have a similar relationship with my mum. It drives me insane – but how do you deal with it when it is your mum??

My friend says the trick is to just not let people like that into your life in the first instance.

I think she has a point..

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:28am
439: MissStix says:

oh so interesting to see the different perspectives. mmmm hmm. And I felt more like blank and thought “ok” and a little “where is this going…?” through the whole thing up until the end. That’s where the tummy lurch trigger happened. But I still didn’t know why and thought “that’s weird, I should investigate further…,”

And right in this moment I feel a little silly guilty and shy to use others as my own referrences of healing. Sigh. :p

So I hope those others find something, anything (even anger) through reading these words.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:29am
440: Femininewoman says:

“In a way you have got into a bind with these sorts of people”

emm what sort of people?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:33am
441: Daria says:

Rebecca – for me it has been worth it rocking the boat, even with my mom

it actually changes the behavior i receive when i stand up for myself by saying how i feel and what i dont want – something rori writes about

theres no need to push them out our lives, as long as we have boundaries in the moment

babysteps, it IS getting better

pffrrr

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:34am
442: Rebecca says:

Also, update on my clingy but lovely friend.

I WAS assertive with him when he assertively told me that we could do something together Friday and Saturday because he was free!!

Lol, I said I wasn’t saying no, but I wasn’t saying yes either as I wasn’t sure about what I was doing and I didn’t have any direct plans. I also said that he was free to contact me nearer the time.

So far I haven’t heard back from him…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:34am
443: Daria says:

FeminineWoman – ive never noticed anyone talking about you on FB

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:34am
444: MissStix says:

bloom-ing

Oh I felt really excited when I saw your name pop up! Like “oh YES! I get to read a bloom-ing post! fun.” and it was! Fun

Yay!

Enjoy your pee and errand!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:34am
445: Femininewoman says:

others as my own referrences of healing – mirrors maybe?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:35am
446: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Daria – I knew it was my NVs

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:36am
447: Rebecca says:

@441: Daria

I have tried so many, many times… but I will keep trying but unfortunately it’s now from a distance.

I love my mum very much but unfortunately I feel she has very little respect for me.

Maybe it will change in time. So far not…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:36am
448: MissStix says:

hmmm

Yes. Mirrors. Oh that’s good because there is no need for guilt here.

I can see 2 people interacting and feel how I feel about that and realize that seeing this, and the feelings that pop up around it are just a reflection of something going on with me…Or that has happened in the past. Or even something I recall doing myself.

I think it’s more the latter 2 there. Like oh yeah…I’ve experienced that and even done similar things and I like the awareness feeling that comes with this.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:42am
449: Starla says:

I told my trainer I was looking to stop eating meat and only fish and he did NOT like the idea. I didn’t tell him that I was already doing it.

He says I can’t get complete protein without meat unless I eat fish every day. I don’t eat dairy.

Are there any vegetarian sirens? I don’t believe him. I’d eat meat once every few weeks or so regardless, but I hate this idea that I should eat it every day.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:44am
450: MissStix says:

Hmmmm I try to stay out of those fb interactions now.

I don’t see anyone talk of anyone specifically. It’s more vague and a lot of “I feel” from what little I have read. I keep my fb happenings light, fun and free.

This here is the place for processing. For me. Not fb. mmm and that feels more relaxed to me.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:45am
451: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca I know where you are coming from. It is hard for people who don’t respect themselves to respect others. There is a lady in the office who has made it very clear that she does not want to interact with me. Over the years I have noticed she pretty much does the same with most everyone. When we were sitting near to each other I would always say good morning or good night. It came to a point where she just grunted a response but would never greet me when she came in after me. I took it as an indication that she did not want to speak and I felt like I need to respect her wishes. She was always civil when we had to speak about job related issues. That is how she generally is with everyone else except her direct supervisor. Even his deputy she would not acknowledge.

Now I feel concerned about being a “storyteller”.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:47am
452: Femininewoman says:

Starla all I eat is fish, chicken and turkey for meats. I very rarely eat the latter two but I do eat beans.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:49am
453: Rebecca says:

Feminewoman

Hehehe I was thinking the same thing!

But it’s weird it’s such a subtle thing because you were really tuned into me I felt, and that felt good – and that is the difference..

It’s weird…

But I enjoyed the story and didn’t feel you were ‘putting’ it on me..

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:50am
454: MissStix says:

Starla

The nutritionist at my workplace speaks of nutrition as a 5 week cycle and foods are alternated to meet the needs of this cycle.

I don’t know a LOT about it but from what I know it’s actually far better not to eat the same things every day, but to eat different foods every day and cycle them. So for example…If you eat red meat once a week, as long as you are taking in your protein, iron, etc. from something like…Lets say beans on another day, and then maybe fish the next day and so on. You should be cool! I try to cycle like this with at least one meal (dinner). And sometimes I cycle bfast and lunch but I find it easier to eat the same bfast or lunch a few days in a row.

PS

Thanks for the bday wishes

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:53am
455: Rebecca says:

You know what I’ve noticed is that people who talk ‘at’ me, actually just want my attention.

It sort of like my opinion and me acknowledging them means so much to them.

BUT… what is interesting is that I have done this too.

There was a guy who I was obsessed with and I would talk at him all the time. His face would just look all crumpled and distressed – so this would make me talk more.

It was like I was trying to say ‘I AM INTERESTING!! I AM A NICE PERSON!! PLEASE LIKE ME!!’

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:53am
456: Femininewoman says:

There is also a 63 year old woman I am friends with. She says it is important to eat protein every day. She has been health conscious for years and pay attention to the latest updates. She mostly eat fish and she sticks to small portions. She looks very good for her age and has glowing skin.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:53am
457: Femininewoman says:

oooOO Rori did write an article addressing talking at someone as opposed to talking with them.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:54am
458: Rebecca says:

Also, I feel if someone is not ‘interested’ in what I have to say, generally I will stop talking dead in my tracks. It’s like an in built mechanism in me.

So if my mum is talking, she is not usually, or even ever interested in what I have to stay, so it’s like I stop dead in my tracks – like I am struck dumb or just can’t be bothered to be responding.

Who wants to be in a conversation when they feel like that????

I know I certainly don’t…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:56am
459: Femininewoman says:

To start: If you approach communicating with your man as a “talk,” that assumes some kind of reaction, cooperation and participation from him.

It creates an “agenda” for you, which means you come to the “talk” with an IDEA of how it should go and what you want from it.

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/dont-have-a-talk-with-him-just-speak-from-your-heart/

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:57am
460: Starla says:

I want to be a vegan who eats fish, lol. no dairy

and eggs sometimes because eggs are yummy, but i don’t think my body likes them.

my boss brought me fresh eggs that his chickens laid today! can you believe it? awww i feel so special.

basically, i am just going to listen to my body. my body mostly says to eat raw fruits and veggies most days. I can “hear” it when it wants meat/fish.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:58am
461: MissStix says:

I believe many whole grains also have high protein and iron. I would encourage a lot of research to ensure you are intaking the nutrition you need. As healt problems can pop up way down the line from the things we do now.

I use an app called myfitnesspal and it’s great for telling me my protein/carb/fat ratios and to keep track of the basic vitamins.

I always go pretty far over the min weekly intake for vit c, and protein.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:00am
462: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca I believe that is your intuition kicking in when you are centered in your body

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:02am
463: MissStix says:

Oh I do that too rebecca!!! Just stop talking abruptly.

And I noticed occasionally people will say “huh?” about 30 seconds after I stop talking. If they notice AT ALL that I did not complete my sentence :p I feel giggly thinking of this.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:02am
464: Emerson says:

394 wow I never knew he felt that way. His poor kid that he has with the maid must feel bad… I don’t know. I feels sad for him.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:02am
465: Brandylion says:

Never mind. He texted a while ago asking if I’m interested in meeting. The truth is, I’m not and never have been.

And my interest in meeting wouldn’t have made it okay for him to text me at 12:31 am. I did text back that I was in bed and it was not okay to contact me after 10 pm. There’s been a lag in me getting back to him via text, because I’m a fu(king teacher and don’t have my fu(king phone on me 24/7. And I’ve had work to do the last two nights. Last night was parents’ night and I didn’t get home from school until 9:45!

So what lesson am I supposed to learn from this? That I have to be more available if I’m going to date? I feel disgusted with this whole process. Someone who isn’t a teacher just can’t understand the time demands the job makes. It takes hours to grade one class’s worth of tests, like 4-5. Per class. Every time I give a test. What would this guy do when I tell him I can’t see him again until November because all of my Saturdays are full in October with running half-marathons or Quiz Bowl tournaments?

I don’t know how I’m supposed to do the CDing thing with actual dates when the men who are contacting me are not interesting to me. They just aren’t, and I’m beyond the point of comparing them to PriestCD and finding them lacking. They just don’t have interesting things to say via email and I agree to meet them, and then it just doesn’t happen.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:05am
466: Femininewoman says:

2. DON’T try convincing him
The more you try to make a case for how great you are as a couple, the more he feels cornered and manipulated. Your reasoning feels like criticism to him and makes him unable to share his true feelings. That’s certainly not the vibe you want to create in a loving relationship.

A man falls in love when he feels like he can make you happy by being himself and sharing the deepest parts of who he is. By rejecting those parts, you make him feel wrong and cause him to protect his true feelings – and his heart – from connecting with yours.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/the-5-dos-and-donts-of-commitment/

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:05am
467: Femininewoman says:

Emerson I don’t feel sad for him.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:08am
468: MissStix says:

hmmm

I feel your frustration brandylion! Many of us have committed to “no advice” right now.

I see many many teachers dating/married to other teachers or like G’s sister was a teacher/ now is a guidance councellor and her hubby is a principal.

I wonder now…Many of you in that profession must feel the same way.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:10am
469: MissStix says:

eeek and my instinct is to run when I make spelling mistakes talking to a teacher! hehe

I have always felt nervous feelings around people I see as “authority”. Teachers fo sho!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:12am
470: Femininewoman says:

Brandylion – I don’t believe you have to date them if you don’t find them interesting. I believe it would be building your awareness if you look inside to see why you find them uninteresting. Just ask yourself why and move on, is my opinion.

It might be easier to do cd lunch dates with colleagues without it actually being a “date”.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:14am
471: Daria says:

see thats whats so confusing about my story trigger

its more like the story that triggers me is ‘rote’ or repeated or feels disconnected somehow

i usually feel pulled in and connected and very interested when i hear non-triggering-to-me storytelling

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:22am
472: Daria says:

Brandylion – sharing your boundaries – no answering texts after 10 could be one… is great practice

noticing your feelings is also great practice

its not about liking the guys – esp the first batches – its about just this practice, stating boundaries getting on the horse, etc

after thats in place the guys start improving

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:25am
473: Femininewoman says:

I wonder if it is intention or “energy” behind the story. Some are intended to make the listener feel small”er”.

If the story is intended to affirm the listener or make the person feel good I imagine that it would not push a negative trigger. It is kinda hard to accept that it is just about the moral or the lesson to be learned.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:26am
474: Femininewoman says:

I wonder also how it plays into my own “if it makes you feel any better” trigger?

Maybe it comes across as someone reaching down to pull me up to their “stature” leaving me with the impression that they “thought” I was lower in status?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:29am
475: Smile says:

Happy birthday miss stix!!

not sure if it’s belated or not as I’ve been away.



Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:33am
476: Femininewoman says:

I have been wondering about Jilly. Wonder how she is doing?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:37am
477: MissStix says:

Aw thanks smile

It’s 3 days early. Oooo I feel excited! It’s like a whole weekend of birthday fun!

Speaking of…It’s time to shoe shop! yay woop woop!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:39am
478: Smile says:

Birthdays are triggering me at the minute.

My fear of my birthday… Not one will be free that weekend.

It’s in a few weeks. Last year I had the same fear so I didn’t celebrate it in a huge way.

I have a lot of really good special close friends, so that’s not where my fear is coming from…
My birthdays before last year have all felt amazing so my fear isn’t from past experience…

My 29th birthday will be my first birthday since age 14 without a boyfriend… Hm have I always relied on having plans with my man if my friends weren’t available?

My friends aren’t available out of not wanting to it’s just location now and babies etc.

Actually I don’t want to celebrate my birthday with ‘all’ my friends, maybe just a few from different groups at different times when they are free?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:40am
479: Daria says:

FeminineWoman – to me – the lurch – even happens when the story seems to be meant to be uplifting!

i feel judgemental and ‘groan, oh not again’

i still feel very angry

hmmm

this is MY trigger, i feel so guilty of coming across as making someone wrong

its my story likely triggered from early childhood stuff

i feel all sad right now mmmh

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:42am
480: Smile says:

Teachers… Yes I am one too! Just got back from a residential! So that part was pretty much 24hrs!= I am exhausted!

Brandylion, how long have you been teaching? Work life balance has been a huge focus of mine at the minute. I often feel overwhelmed and exhausted but I’ve put in lots of things in place to help free up my evening/weekend time for me.

I have boundaries in place for friends texting after 10. Strummingman emails me if it is after this time so he doesn’t wake me, I’ve never asked him to do this, he just respects that I get up earlier therefore go to bed earlier than he does.
This is just ‘my’ boundaries. I appreciate not everyone goes to bed at this time.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:48am
481: Femininewoman says:

i feel so guilty of coming across as making someone wrong

I experience this making other wrong a lot with your comments sometimes, particularly when it seems like you use my story to riff, explore your feelings. It seems like using me to make yourself bigger (judgement). I still remember how I felt some long time ago when you referenced Jilly’s story.

But the experience is good to use as a mirror for me to see how people could possibly experience me even when I am sticking with myself and sharing my feelings. That way I would be less likely to invalidate them.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:51am
482: Brandylion says:

Hah! I texted back that I was sorry he got the impression that I didn’t. I told him I don’t have my phone on me 24/7.

I said straight out that 4:30 was a good time because I had dinner plans at 7. He replied that he thought he was taking me out for Indian dinner, and now I have other plans.

I wrote back that I had said I was free Saturday afternoon because I already had plans.

He said he doesn’t think this is going to work and good luck, and he’s waited so long to meet me, and that I confuse him.

Yeah, the joker can’t read. I looked back through the texts and I clearly said, “Oh, I already have dinner plans for Saturday.”

I don’t want to date someone who can’t read and understand simple English.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:54am
483: Starla says:

FW, I totally experience you as making people wrong, *especially* when it’s ME, haha.

but you’re not a riffer. just in giving advice or perspective.

i hope i haven’t stepped over a line by saying so, but i have a good feeling that you can definitely handle it.

and maybe that’s why you relate to people the way you do… because you can handle it so you assume they can too?

hmmmm

(((((((((((((((Fw))))))))))))))))))

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:54am
484: new siren says:

Hi Sirens, can I come to siren I sland on fb? I have tried to find it but couldnt..

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:56am
485: Femininewoman says:

Starla I know that because you have said so clearly in the past. I even think you said that very recently but not in your usual way so it was easier to handle.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:57am
486: Femininewoman says:

You have not stepped over any line Starla.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:59am
487: Femininewoman says:

If we were arrived in not “coming across as making someone wrong” maybe we would not be here?!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:02pm
488: Starla says:

wow i did not realize i was communicating effectively haha that is awesome, i feel happy

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:02pm
489: Turquoise says:

Radlove,

I imagine you’ve been feeling shut down on the blog a lot lately, even why you try to share a story of something that’s happened in your life. And I don’t want to make you feel shut down, at all….ever.

I hear a lot of assumptions in your posts, and that feels very limiting to me. To always assume that things must be one way, based on my perception of a situation, or my particular feelings on a subject or person.

I’ve tried to really consider other sides/perspectives/beliefs/opinions in life, and not make assumptions, as I’m often wrong. I also don’t like it when others make assumptions about me. My daughter likes to post things on facebook about bullying, and one that she had recently was about not judging people based on outward appearances because you never know what might be going on for them personally, the jock gets beat by his dad, that kid who falls asleep in class works at night to help support his family, the kid who smells doesn’t have power because his mom is an addict, the fat girl has an eating disorder because etc. etc. etc. I’m not saying you are bullying or anything like that, I just mean that when we make assumptions, we are in a way, also judging. I never realized how judgemental I’ve been in my life. I’m always pretty “nice” but in taking a closer look at myself, my thoughts, oh yeah, lots of judgements. Words often spill out of my mouth without thinking, I don’t have a poker face, so easy to read my thoughts….. I’ve really tried to improve that, to not have an automatic reaction, to feel it, from different sides. I’m not perfect, but I’m much more compassionate and considerate that I used to be. Even when I was being nice, sometimes I was making someone feel less than, or that they needed me… and they didn’t like it. I wouldn’t either.

I’m not advising you to do anything different, just want to encourage you to consider that there could be dozens and dozens of reasons why things happen the way they do or people make the choices, actions, etc. that they do.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:03pm
490: Rebecca says:

479: Daria

When I heard you say this line: ‘i feel so guilty of coming across as making someone wrong’

I wondered if you were scared to feel your feelings so you were unconsciously choosing ‘guilt’ instead.

I felt sad for you.

Like it’s okay to make someone wrong.

That doesn’t make it right but it’s what you feel.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:09pm
491: Iamabutterfly says:

“Had no example of a love that was even remotely real
How can you understand something that you never had?
Ooh, baby, if you let me, I can help you out with all of that”

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:14pm
492: Femininewoman says:

“Even when I was being nice, sometimes I was making someone feel less than, or that they needed me… and they didn’t like it.”

Really profound statement and part of what I believe to be Rori’s focus in her work. It is not easy to see this in oneself. It is innocuous but the receiver of communication feels it. Another reason why I believe intention is important and what we unconsciously say about others in our mind.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:15pm
493: Femininewoman says:

Bringing it back to myself – if it makes you feel any better translates into feeling less than so I have to keep talking to myself and affirming myself so I know I am good enough and no one is a villain.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:18pm
494: Dominique says:

Starla – 449 – So not true. I haven’t eaten meat since my mid-teens though I do eat fish and seafood, certainly not every day. And you don’t have to worry about food combining as we used to be warned, maybe still are. As long as overall your diet is balanced. There are all kinds of alternative complete protein sources such as hemp as we’ve talked about, quinoa and spelt as well.

Legumes are all high in protein.

xxoo

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:20pm
495: Sassy says:

Starla,

One of my massage therapists has been a vegetarian for over 20 years. She is 65 and doesn’t look a day over 50! She has gorgeous skin and is very healthy. She is a naturopathic doctor, also. She eats throughout the day in between her massages, drinks a lot of protein shakes, eats a lot of nuts and beans, etc.
I would be happy to send you her full menu if you are interested.
The other thing you may want to look into is the Mediterranean diet. Just run a search on it.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:40pm
496: Siren Angel says:

Hi Sirens,

Just popping in to say hi – from my phone.

I went to see my energy healer this moning who gave me a great massage and energy healing to remove all the residue that was in my body after all the triggering of the last few days.

Then I treated myself to a manicure and pedicure, which I hadn’t done in ages, and I feel ao yummy delicious and polished and serene.

M has been texting telling me he can’t wait to spend the weekend with me, rain or shine, and being attentive.

Waiting for him now to go away together this weekend.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:43pm
497: Jilly says:

Awwww…(((((FW)))) I feel happy to see your post I must have felt the vibes because I have been missing my Sirens here on Siren Island!!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:46pm
498: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,
Read your posts! So happy for you things are going well.
I wanted to say I did not tell M about the profile last summer and only a while after we got back together last winter. I believe you should strive to inspire. Asking him about it may make him defensive.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:47pm
499: Jilly says:

@481….hmmm…I feel curious about how my story was referenced…I’ll keep reading…but it sounds like it was awhile ago…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:49pm
500: Smile says:

I can feel a battle in my head, feels tight in one side, like it’s being over worked. Lots of to and fro, back and forward.

It feels uncomfortable to let go of habits that haven’t served me in the past. But yet it feels right…?

Lean back. The conversation finished, it does not require an answer, you don’t need to give energy to keep it going.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:51pm
501: bloom-ing says:

starla-la-la-la mmmmmm i used not to eat meat (for 13 years) but the last 3 years i’ve been re-integrating.

started real slow…. just with sushi actually. for about a year i only ate raw sushi. then i only ate stock & sushi. then all fish. then i hilariously started eating salami, which, it turns out, is actually insanely like should-be-illegal delicious, so i have to eat that sometimes….

i eat GRASS FED STEAK sometimes or local pork chops & i feel so EFFING HAPPY lol…. omg cd makes me spicy chicken & it is my favorite thing ever ever ever.

but definitely, definitely. just listen to your body ! you know what to do! i felt great not eating meat & i feel great eating meat lol : )

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:53pm
502: MissStix says:

(((smile)))

Meh. I’m slightly triggered too, but more just happy to be happy :p

Some of my friends who originally invited me out have not responded. This feels sad to me. Even though I know I will have a fun weekend. But I feel lots of disappointmen. I may not see my best friend. But I have not texted him just yet. I am saving that for my last minute-”Hey, sad i’m not gonna see you” kind of text or I may even wait till sunday to text and say we should get together because I KNOW he just might go a little ape shit on the girls for not responding to me/inviting me. And it’s him i’m most disappointed not to see. Sigh. Drama. It is their (girls) bdays too so…I feel what I feel. They can do what makes them feel happiest.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:55pm
503: bloom-ing says:

also, i started having problems with anemia & felt sad & tired of getting tested.

also, also, i withdrew my economic support of the meat industry because it felt very violent to me, but now it’s getting better, so i like to give those poor farmers the good money dollars for their amazing work.

meat is a good hot chunk of calories & i’ve been noticing i don’t really enjoy eating food cold. even raw food, i like it room temp at the coldest lol … hm : )

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 12:57pm
504: Jilly says:

blooming…how are things with CD? Are you feeling better about things?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:12pm
505: bloom-ing says:

hi, jilly !

mm i feel good with him… thanks for asking : ))

& how is rugby man : )) i feel giggly asking

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:32pm
506: Radlove says:

Daria,

409, etc – For me, it’s about not saying, “You”, and this is what I choose to do sometimes. Otherwise I’d be saying things directly that would not set well, either.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:32pm
507: Daria says:

Thanks Rebecca – wow i feel really supported and loved…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:35pm
508: bloom-ing says:

oh, jilly, lol i see “better” – yes, better ! i talked with him & i just shared with him that i was feeling panicky about the “how” of my Big Dreams & my special things & i shared how i was feeling like running away with all my urgency & he shared that he moved here for the same reasons & we both laughed a lot…. that we didn’t ever ask each other about that… & since that i have been extra practicing not assuming about anything & i have been feeling juicy juicy about it ! & also very sad, as i feel so heavy this second thinking of all the ways i can improve, but now i’m just flipping it & saying, “oh, hooray, guaranteed i’ll never get bored here” lol : )

jilly ! hooray ! & i shared some of your wonderful tips recently with some co-workers. i really feel good reading what you write & thank you for sharing : )

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:36pm
509: Rebecca says:

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!

I’ve just seen this guy online and he is so the ‘perfect’ guy for me…

He is ‘eccentric, quirky, and loves arguing about everything and anything’

BUT….

I am too scared to say anything to him. I have this ‘This always happens to me. I like someone and he doesn’t like me back’ playing in my head…

I have favourites him so far..

Oh, I’m so desperate to meet someone… I mean someone I deeply connect with…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:41pm
510: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

413 – Often, as in this case, I am saying something I am not saying. I was very much talking directly to Starla about Starla. I had meaning and purpose in what I said. I could tell she felt triggered by it, so at least SHE got the point.

And it apparently left her feeling powerless…otherwise, she wouldn’t have felt a need to attack and retaliate and try to put me down.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:42pm
511: Rebecca says:

Rebecca,

BREATH….

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
512: Radlove says:

Daria,

414 – Often people can’t handle things being told directly. I have tried to find creative ways to tell them indirectly. It is my form of feeling messages, that says something in a kind way, rather than harsh.

My purpose is totally different from someone who is just tellling stories to chew someone’s ear off.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:46pm
513: Rebecca says:

@510: Radlove

I do get where you are coming from – BUT I think that is the POINT.

‘I am saying something I’m NOT saying’..

Hmmm? It feels a bit confusing to read, like you are confused about what you want to say?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:47pm
514: Rebecca says:

@510: Radlove

It felt like you were saying to Starla that she was mad at you after all you have done for her.

That’s what the story seemed to illustrate to me, but you didn’t use those words. You used a different story where someone was dissing you to illustrate that.

Hope makes sense.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:49pm
515: bloom-ing says:

“I could tell she felt triggered by it, so at least SHE got the point.

“And it apparently left her feeling powerless…otherwise, she wouldn’t have felt a need to attack and retaliate and try to put me down.”

buzzy dizzy swelling swarming feelings….. & yes, triggered & yes powerless & yes attack-y feelings

calm. just all the thoughts thinking themselves in a loud waterfall out my mental window

thunder thunder

that canyon sound of water

flow ? ah hm yes i have had that in my mind ….

swim swim angry girl

i would like to accept that, any time i feel triggered or attacked or bullied, it is because i have chosen a defensive stance. IT IS SO CYCLICAL & so self-perpetuating… i feel curious i’ve ever even had a good-feeling relationship for years & years at a time with multiple men….. it feels sort of “impossible” – & yet i do see, yes, that we engaged in our little theatres of repetition…… lol hugs to the good good men who help me & rescue me endlessly until i forget a fear of drowning. thank you

gosh, i want to yell loudly don’t blame others for your feelings, but LOL that irony is too much for me …….

apologies/forgiveness i eliminate in my world. lol – & i can do what i want in my mind… i eliminate the need for either. no one hurts me. no one attacks me. i am only attacked when i am defensive. deep breath easy feeling

still a sour guilt. like i don’t want to perpetuate this & keep talking about it & giving energy to it.

ok, still doing it anywayz.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 1:56pm
516: Jilly says:

Blooming…yay!! I feel relieved that you were able to share with him and that it feels a little weird that I feel relieved lol and I love hearing you feel juicy juicy about it! I love it when women can share feelings in the most feminine way possible…like juicy and melty and soft and warm …those are the best!!…even gooey

Aww…I really love hearing that and value your feedback and thank you so much for sharing.. I just want to hug and squeeze you

…I feel giggly just thinking about Rugby Man We just moved in together this past month and I feel 100% good about it. Things still feel new, exciting and special. I still feel cherished, adored, loved and taken care of. It’s been 8 months now…it’s gone by so fast! I still can’t believe I met the man of my dreams…yay (((((have the relationship you want)))) (((Rori)))) (((Sirens)))

There have been 2 instances where I caught myself getting irritated..and then I caught myself and asked myself if it was really a big deal? And no…but that was my initial reaction…(I asked him to put some food in the kitchen and he did..but I meant the fridge!!! lol) so the next morning I woke up to find the food on the counter
…((((men))))

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:00pm
517: bloom-ing says:

gosh, i may not be DOING IT yet, but i feel WILLING to do it ! & that feels really good & open, big-sky, yum

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:06pm
518: Belle says:

I started to feel triggered and respond to a couple of posts and then thought,
“It’s a trap. My dog ain’t in that fight.”
Southern wisdom learned from Al-Anon
My heart is pulsing and pounding, I feel alive.
I feel centered. I am cultivating this.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:09pm
519: Starla says:

Radlove,
F*ck off already. I’m serious. Get the point already.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:12pm
520: bloom-ing says:

LOL, jilly ! the counter *shaking my head* men are so flipping CUTE haha : ) aww & thanks for all the smile-y faces.. i feel happy & sparkly seeing them : )))

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:13pm
521: Starla says:

This has got to be the 9th or 10th time I’ve asked you to leave me alone. When you said you were done communicating with me or about me, I felt such relief.

When I say leave me alone, I mean it. I don’t care if you think you know what’s better for me, you’re REALLY taking this too far. F*ck. Off. I regret bringing it to that point of language but seriously, leave me alone.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:15pm
522: Rebecca says:

I think I am going to love God…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:17pm
523: Annie says:

OMG, I don’t know what to do.
Feels best to do nothing for now.
How weird.

Was just talking to Mum and she mentioned she saw my first serious boyfriend.

I then was thinking about him.
How lovely he always was to me.

Stopped thinking about him
And then went on FB and he has sent friend request.
How do I feel about that.
MMM, I don’t know.

Do i want to be an ex’s friend after all these years i really do not know.

Would feel good to get some feedback on what others think about being friends with ex’s.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:21pm
524: Starla says:

Annie, I’m friends with all my exes eventually. Unless they’re crazy/toxic. It’s up to you:)

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:24pm
525: Daria says:

why am i not triggered?

this feels weird

am i a self only interested bit8ch for not feeling triggered?

i dont’nfeel aggressive

hmmm

its ok to be a self only interested bi8ch anyway

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:28pm
526: MissStix says:

oh oh oh I want to just put someone in their place.

No no don’t want to and that’s why I won’t.

Urges. These are urge feeling like mmgfffffgggnmnmmmmm trying to shout with tape over my mouth. But…This “tape” is no no no I will not do that will not engage it feels ludicrous and laugh out loud but not really laughter more like bahaha oh my word.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:28pm
527: Daria says:

if i was ‘that’ rich right now, i could hire a helper to be my friend

like a bodyguard

they could take walks with me at nite sometimes

and also, def a lawyer

actually this is one of my dreams, like if the police harasses ppl im with, id be like, hold on im calling my attorney

and my attorney would be up at 3 am and there in 20 min, videotaping and helping me be treated within my rights

that would feel awesomely rockin

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:30pm
528: Daria says:

also right now i could be like, im bored, im gonna actually fly back to vienna no wait that might feel boring still

where is somewhere not too far where theres enuf partying.. amsterdam

hahaha

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:32pm
529: HELP, In Grey zone-Sex or No Sex? says:

HELP! RORI, Do I have sex with my “boyfriend’ again if we’re in a grey/ shady area after a month break since we’ve seen each other ( I suggested the time apart/ break because he said he was “unsure” of what he wants) ??? We didn’t exactly break-up, but we’re not exactly in an exclusive or committed relationship? He asked to see me so we’re suppose to hang out tomorrow night!? Do I go with the flow and see where things go in the relationship… or do I set my foot down and tell him that being intimate right now may complicate things (add pressure) since we’re in just seeing where things go/ talking, for now etc because he’s on the fence. I.e. What do you do when your man tells you he’s unsure of whether he can ever commit to anyone and is unsure of what he wants right now (on the fence) with you after almost a year of happy “dating” and being together. I pulled back by taking a break and telling him that if he’s On The Fence, I”M KEEPING MY OPTIONS OPEN & Dating other Men in meantime. But if we’re still trying things & talking– what does one do with the “Sex” piece. I can detach myself from getting too emotional with the sex, but will he see me as LESS if if I Do? Or will holding out- actually push him AWAY?! THANKS! HELP

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:32pm
530: Daria says:

i could call my ‘bought’ freind right now and have her join me for moving stretches

if she was tired i could have a night friend and a day friend

that would be extreme
even people who have ‘that’ money don’t do that

they don’t want to seem like losers with no friends

hmmm

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:34pm
531: Daria says:

i have no friends, then i have like 30 friends then no friends

i want to ‘count’ on people in my life

that wat felt so triggering th epast few days about my godson’s mom

it was the dream of having someone really there for me ‘for life’

and tehn letting go of that

it may not be

i know i was really there for her and the kids in early life tho

like REALLY there

so i rock for that

i put mucho heart into it

i want to love myself the same way

but even more

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:35pm
532: Daria says:

i kinda push friends away

i just did it to my friend here

my mom does it too i notice

i guess im copying her

shes my template for ‘cool’ now

i want to shift that tho

also im realizing that whenever she has ‘hated’ on friends of mine that i just adored and idolized,

its turned out that yes i was kinda codependent on those girls

in a way that really wasnt necessarily healthy for me

like even my cousin

im realizing she was comparing herself to me and making jokes and i was always not good enough

so now i q myself about my fashion and about how attractive im to men (here it came up for me again recently in this town)

ha!

im very pretty

i don’t ahve to compare myself to women

duh

what a relief

lol

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:38pm
533: Daria says:

my mom was tryna have my back

even tho she was a bi9ch about it

hehe

im desperately looking for soemone to idolize (am i?)

i can just put some plants around my mental and emotional self since i feel alone

ahhh

my heart feels achy under the plants

thats GOOD!

there we go, im feeling!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:39pm
534: Daria says:

im probably gonna die soon cuz my dreams are not gonna come true

thats something i always tell myself

dude

im ok

im not gonna die

until i choose to die

i probably Would choose to die

hmmm

pouty?

maybe

well whats nice about living

i still want to chekc out Brazil!

but my heart feels sad

‘tired’ of life

yes?

no just wounded

i can feel my way thru it

i can heal

ghh

thats why i look 16 at 30

cuz i get extra time

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:41pm
535: April Rose says:

Please forgive me, it is a long time since I listened to one of Rori’s programmes.

If a man wants closure, should I give it to him?
I still live with WM. I date other men, because I didn’t feel I had the fulfilling relationship I wanted.

He gets angry and cold at times because I am dating others. He said he is not going to ‘up his game’.

He does come towards me affectionately sometimes too.

He told me he still has feelings for me and asked me to be clear, and to tell him it’s over if I’m seeing someone else.
I have not agreed to a committed lifelong relationship with anyone, so as far as I’m concerned, WM is slung over the back of my horse. No closure. Right?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:57pm
536: Radlove says:

Turqoise,

489 – Yes, I feel very shut down. I don’t feel emotionally safe on here, and I pretty much expect an onslaught when I post. So I post now and then in my continuing development to develop a thick outer skin. Sad.

I don’t think I make a lot of assumptions. There’s a lot I know, perceive, think, and feel that I don’t post here.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:58pm
537: Daria says:

im feeling really good now!

mmm

i have 2 rock salt lamps and it feels romantic and also voodoo priestess

which i am ! dope right! and under my own sovereignity

what if people start hating on me and attack me?

well ill be ok

cuz im a trickster child

no one can touch me

nice

nice D

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 2:58pm
538: Daria says:

I’ve been thinking i always come off making soemone wrong – it seems like a duh

but what if i drop that thought (no matter how true it IS or seems) and then it will all shift for me to wehre its not true no more

ive seen this happen with other people in my life so i can do it with ME too!

yay

whew i dont have to worry about it anymore too

nice

still fms and dont wants

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:01pm
539: Daria says:

im feeling triggered at ‘victimy whining”

i KNOW i do this

and i must beat myself up for it

awwwww

i love my victimy whining!

wow that sounds like a cool dance move too

do the victim whine

drop to the v and whine

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:03pm
540: Radlove says:

Starla,

519 – I wasn’t talking to you. I was addressing someone else’s post. If you don’t want to read my posts, then don’t stay on the blog. But I am not going to stop posting here just because you don’t like me.

And if you don’t want me to address you, then stop addressing me. And stop swearing at me, regardless. I am not willing to be treated with disrespect.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:04pm
541: Daria says:

also triggered at no compassion no support

awww

i actually feel a lil comfy with that

i feel uncomfy when theres an outpouring of compassion and support

i feel left out

like – oh im left out of ‘women’ again – cuz im not going all supportive to the person doing the vicitmy whine

blughbluh

hmmm

i want to give support and compassion to me! tho

even if i was ‘cry it out’ as a baby
awwww

lots and love and support for my beautiful victimy whine dancer

yes i hear you babe

you feel ….

sad

upset

afraid

awwww

im here for you

big hugs!

you’re so lovely

i just love you

its so easy to love you beautiful baby

yes

you can be victimy whine Anytime

i am here to always love and support u when u do

gooo h gooh ga gah

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:06pm
542: Daria says:

aww hypocrite?

it is totally ok to be hypocritical bae

hypo – less

critical – critical

yes we’ll be like no-critical yes

ahhh yum

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:07pm
543: Starla says:

Brenda, I don’t want you to go off the blog. I just want you to leave me alone. I’m not stupid. Don’t insult my intelligence like this. Just leave it alone already. I don’t give a flying f*ck what you think you’re perceiving or feeling or knowing about me in my responses. When I say leave me alone, I really mean it. I don’t want you to talk to me or talk about me. I’m not sure what else I can possibly say to make it 100000% clear that I’m serious. Leave me alone. I’m not gonna skip over your posts when I’m searching for my name to catch up on replies to me. Don’t insult my intelligence. Just stop. It’s seriously starting to get creepy when things go down like this with you. Just leave it alone.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:08pm
544: Radlove says:

FW,

423 – That is a compassionate statement that is true of many people. It was not said in unkindness. If you want to take it that way, I wonder if you are too wounded to let love in?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:09pm
545: Daria says:

yes we get lots of love First! yes

and we dont have to ‘give’ love to anyone no

yes and we’re SAFE yes

yes we are babey

yes

no matter what they say, oh they say we’re cold meanies heartless selfish no loving ppl right?

but we know we are full of love

cuz i love you!

we have all the love!

yum

yes

mmmmm

and they learn from us yes

ohhhh

its ok for them to get upset yes

they can learn to love tehmselves

it shows theyre going thru their barriers yes

we are safe

we are Lovely

pft pft pft

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:09pm
546: Radlove says:

Starla,

542 – Like I said, I won’t address you if you don’t address me. But if you want to talk nasty to me, don’t expect me to sit here and take your abuse. Shut your keyboard. I don’t want your abuse.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:11pm
547: Daria says:

everything is alright with the world… and i feel a touch guilty im not drawn into peacekeeping or.. Something at least

i wonder how this will play out in my life

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:15pm
548: April Rose says:

Help wanted!

Any responses to 534 most welcome. Thank you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:16pm
549: Starla says:

just leave me alone and there will be no problem.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:17pm
550: MissStix says:

lalalala sup daria?

Oh your victim whine dance made me giggle! I got this song in my head when I read it…

“wind up, wind, up, wind up…Oh yeah!” But it sounds like they say “whine up”. he he he

Drop to the V and whine up, whine up, whine up! oh yeah…”

Super cool cool cool. Too funny too. I like it.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:20pm
551: Starla says:

I am blessed with good fortune.
I feel sad that I don’t have internet at home to keep hanging out with you ladies on the island here this weekend.
sigh

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:23pm
552: MissStix says:

AR-I think you got it right mah dear.

Still committed to no advice…but I don’t believe we start seeing others because it’s “over”. So…yeah. No closure. If he wants to be with you he can up his game i suppose. His stubborn stubborn man-ness is his thang. To me…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:26pm
553: Starla says:

April Rose that is a tricky one… I would feel like I’m stuck in a stalemate and I wouldn’t know what to do.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:27pm
554: bloom-ing says:

April Rose !

i don’t know anything at all ever about that. lol : )

& now i just wrote out & deleted a long thing rambling.

i just have no idea : ) sounds tricky to me.. & kind of scary…..

(((((April Rose))))))

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:29pm
555: April Rose says:

Starla, bloom-ing,

That is exactly how I feel

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:33pm
556: Daria says:

April Rose – hmm waht would i my ‘non-stance’ be

“i feel open to see what happens, im looking for a lifetime relationship that feels awesome for me… and open to any man that i feel good about myself around”

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:34pm
557: bloom-ing says:

i feel so happy & grateful thinking of all the men i’ve dated….. & just known, just been friends with….. worked with….. thank you sweet sweet men….. you are half this human world – or all of it – depending on how you see it……. me too. women too. love too. easy too. lol yummy

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:34pm
558: bloom-ing says:

oooh i like that, daria – that feels good to read : )

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:35pm
559: April Rose says:

Miss Stix,

He has told me that his pride has been hurt, and that he will not step up as a result.

I saw the film Hope Springs, and the relationship coach asked the man if his pride was worth more than his love for his woman.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:36pm
560: Daria says:

“im not gonna step up”

“ouch that feels so sad babe… actually i feel angry”

im going out (or other room… trallalalala)

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:38pm
561: Annie says:

Hi April Rose, What was the deal when you moved in?

Did you agree to exclusivity?
Were you believing it was heading towards marriage?

Where are you at?
Did you break exclusivity.

I don’t believe Rori believes in closure.
I maybe wrong though.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:40pm
562: April Rose says:

Daria,

Lovely words. And true for me.

I just need to rockstar it and come and go and date and carry on my life until I can find a way to move out.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:41pm
563: Annie says:

April Rose, if he is the right man for you he will step up and give you what you want?

What do you want?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:42pm
564: Annie says:

555: DariaNo Gravatar says:

April Rose – hmm waht would i my ‘non-stance’ be

“i feel open to see what happens, im looking for a lifetime relationship that feels awesome for me… and open to any man that i feel good about myself around”

I love that Daria. those words feel great.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:44pm
565: MissStix says:

Oh hmmm hmmm april rose.

Yeah….I just don’t know. I will follow daria on the non-stance.

My pride is hurt.

Oh…ouch! I’ll bet that feels really bad. I might not feel good enough if my pride was hurting. Or maybe I might feel as though i’m too good for all this. And I probably would see myself being almost forced into a position of “begging” or “working” for something I already had. But then, I guess I wouldn’t be showing any empathy or compassion to the person saying to me “my needs aren’t being met” or “this isn’t enough.”. I would really feel stuck in a stubborn state. And i’d probably feel so grrrrr. And I might need to hear “You, yourself, are enough. I’m just feeling a bit empty. Unfulfilled and I don’t want to sit in that place for very long. I feel open to anything. Anything but that unfulfilled feeling. And i’m hearing that you feel hurt pride and stubborn. And i’m feeling torn between giving you the closure you want and fulfilling my own needs.”

And if my pride was hurt and I were feeling stubborn and the person couldn’t say this to me I might feel trapped or a lottle cuckholded.

hmmmm…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:52pm
566: April Rose says:

Annie,

I met WM before I discovered Rori.
He moved in with me after leaving his wife of four years (no kids).

I feel like I woke up when I found Rori. I would never again agree to be with a married man, nor provide housing for a man. I feel ashamed and I am learning to be forgiving to myself.

I think monogamy and commitment were assumed on his part, and on mine. So, in a way, it was exclusive and committed. I didn’t want marriage then.

I do now!

I am learning to distinguish between oxytocin-based feelings versus the recognition of a valuable partner.

He still has a chance with me. However, he would need to be divorced and he would need to step up and claim me in a proper manner!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:53pm
567: Annie says:

Aww hugs April Rose.

Ty for sharing.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:58pm
568: April Rose says:

Ohhh, Miss Stix,

I feel in a state of wonder. For your beautiful expression and feeling from inside a man’s mind.

If only a man could express himself this way.
You have a gift!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 3:59pm
569: MissStix says:

and unmm

if my needs were not being met, AND I was not feeling open to a stubborn man then I might need to say “I’m just feeling empty and closed off and maybe I do need to go my own way but I still feel torn.”

Yes…I would still feel torn.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:00pm
570: Annie says:

If you don’t Cd he has no incentive to marry as he already has you.

What do you mean about closure.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:00pm
571: Annie says:

Ahh I see it is him who wants closure.

I feel in agreement with Daria.

Or words along those lines that are your truth.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:07pm
572: April Rose says:

About closure,

He has said that I am leaving things unclear.

For him, we are either together or not together.

‘No closure’ to me means that I look upon it as options open. He still has as much chance as the next man.

I actually feel a little unclear on this myself…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:09pm
573: April Rose says:

Let me see how Daria’s and Miss Stix’s scripts go together…..

“i feel open to see what happens, im looking for a lifetime relationship that feels awesome for me… and open to any man that i feel good about myself around”

“You, yourself, are enough. I’m just feeling a bit empty. Unfulfilled and I don’t want to sit in that place for very long. I feel open to anything. Anything but that unfulfilled feeling. And i’m hearing that you feel hurt pride and stubborn. And i’m feeling torn between giving you the closure you want and fulfilling my own needs.”

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:11pm
574: Femininewoman says:

Yayy you April Rose

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:13pm
575: April Rose says:

I’m going to shuffle it around slightly and then write it on a piece of paper and read it out to him.

Feeling nervous at the thought..

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:14pm
576: Femininewoman says:

Jilly you moved in wow!! Congrats.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:16pm
577: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I believe he has to decide if you and the relationship with him is more important to him than his pride. His masculine instincts will lift him up if you have not shamefully rejected him.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:21pm
578: Femininewoman says:

April Rose stand in front of the mirror and practice it first. That way you can see the nuances and emotions in your face. Your can practice changing the enunciation of different words to gain the effect you want.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:23pm
579: April Rose says:

“…I probably would see myself being almost forced into a position of “begging” or “working” for something I already had…

Yes, he had me to himself.

And yes, I went along with this in exchange for crumbs.

I knew I felt unfulfilled. Yet I took no action other than complaining.

Then I discovered Rori, and now I am taking action.

Whatever the outcome, I am intending the very best for myself.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:24pm
580: Femininewoman says:

Daria I love your words. I can fill myself up my own love tank.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:26pm
581: April Rose says:

Femininewoman,

What would “shamefully rejected him” look like?

Do you mean “if he feels rejected”?

I’m not sure how the shameful part fits in. Please clarify, if you would.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:27pm
582: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I am wondering about apologizing if you misled him because you weren’t initally sure about what you wanted?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:28pm
583: Femininewoman says:

Like if you said something blatantly rude and hitting below the belt in a fight as in “sma!ll penis” so he doesn’t satisfy your needs.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:29pm
584: Femininewoman says:

Or publicly humiliated him in front of friends.

The kinda things that is said a man can’t get over or find unforgiveable

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:30pm
585: Sirenity says:

Starla I feel disgust reading your post to Radlove. I feel sickened by abusive cussing against someone just because you are triggered.

I feel stressed and totally turned off this blog the last few days . I dont want to read blamey, judgmental, vindictive , catty scratchy angry stuff hurled at other people , either overtly as in F – off or covertly as in thinly veiled derisory use of language against another. What do you all think?

I feel tired of all this uproar in the hen house.
I agree with your Southern wisdom Belle and my dog isnt in the fight either.

I am off to CD .

I feel so much better removing myself …YAAAAYYYY!!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:31pm
586: MissStix says:

AR 567

WOW thank you I feel really honored!

Oh that feels really sweet to read

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:32pm
587: Femininewoman says:

Sirenity you ask what do you all think?

Well you might not have been around when it was directed at me do you want me to cut and paste when it was directed at me?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:35pm
588: MissStix says:

and AR 572

Cool! I like those together.

Very cool!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:36pm
589: April Rose says:

Femininewoman,

No, I haven’t been cruel. I have felt awful enough that I am dating others. I wouldn’t add insult to injury.

It’s funny though, because I have put him down and criticised him in the past. Usually when I have felt threatened by his popularity with friends.

When I speak well of him to others I find it opens my heart and I feel more warmth for him and a better connection.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:36pm
590: Femininewoman says:

I am not saying it is justified by anyone but when the Pandora’s box is opened all types of things start jumping out.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:36pm
591: Radlove says:

Part of emails between me and a CD I have yet to meet…

Diesel: I would love to see you. It seem like you have forgot about Diesel.

B: I thought Diesel forgot about B.

D: Well if I had forgot about you are you saying that you would not remind me that I am forgetting something special?

B: LOL, thank you…I feel good about being a woman when a man takes the lead.

D: I like how that sounds.

Right after that, we were on video chat, and he was grinning! He said not many women feel that way.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:36pm
592: Femininewoman says:

I know you haven’t April Rose. I kinda don’t buy the pride hurt line. It might be coined to send you on a guilt trip.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:38pm
593: Jilly says:

Feminine Woman…how are you? how is your hand? I just love you

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:40pm
594: MissStix says:

“What do you all think”

I think we would all be better off if we could express compassionately how we feel-even if it’s negative. Be open. Receive these msgs of feeling and feel how they feel and compassionately express that.
That’s what I think.

What I feel is irritated and kind of meh about putting people in their place in self-righteous ways. And I feel done. I feel full to the brim of it.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:40pm
595: Radlove says:

Sirenity,

584 – Thanks, I feel the same way.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:42pm
596: April Rose says:

When I see his soft, sweet side, then I feel guilty about CDing.

When I see his self-indulgent side I feel so glad I am taking care of me by dating.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:44pm
597: Jilly says:

Yes, we moved in! He actually just bought a house (he always refers to it as “ours”. Things like that just make me feel melty.

He is also paying for everything…no 50/50 nothin!!! yay!!!! I thought I would never find a man like that. He loves being the provider and is ALSO super supportive of my dreams and aspirations.

He still texts me every morning when is is away for work… there has been no dwindling of the behavior that I fell in love with.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:45pm
598: Annie says:

I feel unsettled observing what is going on re Radove and Starla.

I want to wade in and separate.
That feels bizzare as it is on a forum and not RL.
And I don’t even know either of them

It feels awful to do nothing.
I can feel myself wanting to be a mediator.

Hugs to both of you.
You are both here for healing learning a lesson and message take away.

You are both reacting out of your subconscious learn’t habit.

Do you think you can catch it and work with the triggers and feelings that come up?
X

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:45pm
599: Jilly says:

April Rose..you might have already said…but how come you stay living with him?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:46pm
600: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

593 – “What I feel is irritated and kind of meh about putting people in their place in self-righteous ways.”

I wonder if you refer to me? If so, the way I would describe it is barely holding her anger from exploding and doing a darn good job at controlling it.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:46pm
601: April Rose says:

Jilly,

no dwindling of the behaviour you fell in love with.

Wow. I feel delighted you have such a man in your life.
I feel encouraged that there is also one for me and he is coming closer to me every day.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:48pm
602: Radlove says:

(((Annie))),

597 – Thanks for your gentleness. I feel safe reading that.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:48pm
603: Radlove says:

Jilly,

596, etc. – Yay for you!!!!! I love the word “ours”!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:50pm
604: Jilly says:

Oh there is April Rose…there absolutely is one for you, I have no doubt…

I’m just wondering why you are staying where you are??

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:51pm
605: Jilly says:

Thank you Radlove!! yay..for “ours”!!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:53pm
606: LiliBee says:

584:

I feel sad to see sirens leave

I’m feeling really sad already before coming to the blog.
I’m coming here to seek some uplifting and inspiring sharing and see inspiring sirens leave.
I see sirens I like taking space to bicker.
I feel even more sad
My heart feels heavier.
I feel like crying and the tears won’t come ;’(

On I go to process my own stuff.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:56pm
607: Annie says:

April rose.
This may help.http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/instructions-for-speechmaking-when-hes-stalled-and-not-ready-to-commit-to-you/

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:56pm
608: April Rose says:

Jilly,

I don’t know!
I have thought of ways to move out. It’s an awkward one. We both work in a theatre and live rent-free in exchange for caretaking it. If I had money to rent another place I’d be gone.

It’s difficult because my home is my job. And both were intertwined with my relationship.

He has said that he would have gone, had it not been his workplace too.

One of my biggest sadnesses was that he can never seem to stop working. I feel unhappy being sidelined in my own home. When he does stop work, he goes into the television.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 4:56pm
609: Radlove says:

LiliBee,

Hugs to you…this will pass.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:00pm
610: Radlove says:

Then I have a third, new CD who I feel very excited about. I haven’t met him yet, but we seem very compatible so far. He gave me his phone number in his first email. We have yet to connect voice to voice, but I am awaiting his call.

If this one is not a go along with all the others, I will probably give up on romance.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:02pm
611: Daria says:

Thank you Daria for doing my stretch

mmm yum

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:04pm
612: MissStix says:

Radlove

I was referring to sirenity asking what we all thought.

I did not think you were self-righteously putting anyone in their place.

Referring to you I said how I felt way up the thread..,

I felt triggered by someone saying I will pray for you to someone who is not asking for prayers. I think it’s womderful to pray for people. I don’t feel good about seeing a person told that when they are expressing anger.

Hmmm and I don’t want to explain myself because I thought my FMs around it earlier made it clear that I felt triggered because I think I have behaved in similar ways and would like to address these things in myself.

And no…the weird thing is, I was not triggered by starla. Because no means no and stop means stop. People have limits and if you choose to push someone up up up…Your choice. There WILL be lashing out.

I saw starla being poke poke poked with a stick. For a couple DAYS now.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:05pm
613: Daria says:

youre so consistent with this stretches Daria
i don’t know how you do it

i always thought i could Never do soemthing like that

youre amazing

i look up to u
and admire you

for taking amazing care of me

it feels so easy when you do it for me

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:06pm
614: Annie says:

April Rose.
If he moved in with you why would you move out?

“One of my biggest sadnesses was that he can never seem to stop working. I feel unhappy being sidelined in my own home. When he does stop work, he goes into the television.”

How do you think this would change if you were married?
This is what he does. Hugs.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:07pm
615: Jilly says:

April Rose… sharing your feelings like in the posts above feels good…

It just seems like you have been in this same situation for awhile now…

I would love to see you free and happy!

If you could be exactly where you wanted to be a year from now… what does that look like and feel like? That’s what I really want to ask you…lol…you don’t need to reply but I would love to hear your answer if you feel inclined to share

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:08pm
616: Daria says:

oh i feel so sad to hear about giving up on romance hinging on one random man

i also feel annoyed, like “drama queen!”

i LOVE my drama queen

i LOVE my urge to hurt myself for attention

awwwwww

im here for you babe

i will Always give you attention and acceptance

always!

i am so happy to be here for you!

i LOVE you

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:08pm
617: LiliBee says:

596:

Jilly,

There is my uplifting inspiration!
I feel so happy seeing you here and sharing your happiness.
It gives me hope.

How did you meet him?

Can you share how your situation/you evolved?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:09pm
618: April Rose says:

Annie,

Thank you. I just checked that article and it’s really helpful. I have taken a couple of lines from it for my script.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:09pm
619: MissStix says:

None of us is better than anyone else and ANYONE who says ANYTHING on this subject is just as “bad” as the next person. So (and I have done it too, i know) I just feel tired of “I don’t want to read” or “I don’t want to see”

Well…Then don’t read and don’t see and put your focus on a siren who you do want to read and see and skim the rest. and if there is a feeling felt then say it.

I think this would feel better for many people. But meh…I speak only for me and I love everyone so whatever!!!!

Pshah.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:12pm
620: Radlove says:

Daria,

615 – Not on one man. On decades of dating and it not working. I feel heavily discouraged.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:14pm
621: Nadia says:

April Rose, trying to CD while living with a man sounds like it would feel really hard and confusing. Now that you know what you are wanting–a partner based relationship as opposed to an oxytocin based one–it seems like it would feel easiest to wait until you are living independently before you CD. It’s great that you have figured out what you want during your time with WM. It also seems like it would be okay to acknowledge this to him and own your piece that you didn’t have clarity around this when you first entered into a living situation with him. It must feel good to discover what it is that you are really wanting and to learn that you won’t accept a married man in the future nor support one. This is all great! Nobody is wrong, we’re all just humans with tender hearts trying to figure ourselves out. I love that you are intending the very best for yourself! Is it possible for WM to move out and for you two to explore what your relationship is while living apart? Then he’ll need to decide for himself what it is that he wants or doesn’t want with you, while you practice loving yourself by keeping yourself open to receive a partnership that feels good to you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:16pm
622: Jilly says:

Lilibee! I feel so happy seeing you too!! I feel sad D isn’t stepping up like he was…

What happened???

I have tried catching up here and there…but it’s pretty hard to keep up!!

We met through friends of all places…I had 3 internet dating sites going so I thought for sure I would meet Mr Amazing on one of those lol

I will fill you in on all the details! I just have to run to run to the store real quick and I will be back!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:18pm
623: Daria says:

happy Daria baby

does happy Daria baby want her hair brushed

i dont want to feel tired doing it

waaaah

i want it to BE brushed

ok i will brush it for you

let me know when it feels good and when it doesnt okay!

i want it to feel good for you!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:19pm
624: Radlove says:

Daria,

I want you to brush my hair.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:26pm
625: LiliBee says:

606:

Annie,

I know your didn’t post that to me…But Thank You just the same

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:28pm
626: Nadia says:

April Rose, I feel so connected to your situation as I have been accepting crumbs and justifying my behavior for doing this for almost 5 years. My man has made it very clear that he cannot offer what it is that I am wanting. After discovering Rori Raye (and Evan Marc Katz) it feels like a veil has been lifted from my eyes. My man wants to partnership in the way that feels good to me. While I don’t have the additional complication of living with my man, he lives around the corner from me. I have not been strong about letting him go, even though we have officially declared the relationship over. I feel disappointed with myself for not making good choices that would help me to let go. I try to love the part of me who is weak and stuck. It isn’t easy. I want so much more and worry I won’t free myself to the point of being open to receiving it. It feels like a tight spot in my chest.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:30pm
627: Nadia says:

Correction: I mean to write that my man doesn’t want to partner in the way that feels good to me.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:31pm
628: April Rose says:

Jilly,

A year from now looks and feels like sunshine through a French window, the soft autumnal rays falling upon a vase of lush flowers – roses, marigolds, freesias – picked from the garden which I see beyond the window.

I am sitting on a thick-piled rug on the floor, a glass of fresh juice on the low table in front of me. Next to me and slightly behind me on the sofa, there is a man with whom I feel utterly safe, gorgeous, relaxed and free to share the fullness of my life’s passions. I feel seen by him, my feelings are cherished by him, he has clear purpose and I believe in him utterly.

It is the beginning of a life-long, fulfilling, trusting partnership.

Our home knows silence. And music. Laughter, and ease. Joyful sharing and a depth of interest in one another that I can rest on.

Our bed is a place of honest connection, and I sleep the sweet sleep of a baby next to this person.

I can come and go as I wish, with his full blessing. His life is fulfilling to him, and mine is to me, so we are already full and crave nothing from each other.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:33pm
629: April Rose says:

Nadia,

I feel like hugging you.

I feel heard by you and connected to you. And I appreciate your situation.

You sound really sweet and genuine and I feel curious what it is that keeps you from having the relationship you want.

Are you feeling open to dating new men?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:40pm
630: Daria says:

yay it did feel good

it did it did

i want to always feel good and happy thinking of doing my stretches and brushing my hair

yes

when im being paid attention to my feelings throughout, it feels good!

thank you mami Daria

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:44pm
631: Daria says:

Radlove i feel excited to read about CDing practice… it feels yum when Sirens are CDing and using tools

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:45pm
632: Nadia says:

No, I’m not open. I don’t even want to circular date. I’m still in love with him and know that he’s still in love with me. We just want different things and are incompatible for this reason. In the relationship, I always felt my needs weren’t met and he always felt my disappointment. He didn’t like how this made him feel, either. I know the right thing to do: stop all communication so that I can grieve, let go, and move on. But so far, I’ve only been strong enough for a couple weeks at a time and then I reconnect. Thank you for the cyber hug. Hugs back to you!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:45pm
633: Femininewoman says:

Jilly my hand is a lot better

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:45pm
634: Daria says:

im noticing that in my processes ive been side mentioning sirens or posts and am feeling confused and forgetful about Rori’s new guidelines which felt so fun to read

mmm

it would feel better to not mention even allude as an aside or anything to anyone and just work on my triggers,

but then i feel confused that i will be read and ‘it will be figured out’ and sometimes ive even been asked

and i feel annoyed when im wanting to focus on me

and i can say, oh i hear your q and i feel uncomfortable i feel better to just focus on processing this for me rather than pointing out where the trigger came from

and also i efel guilty saying htat

and like its distancing myself or keeping secrets and i feel confused

and now remembring its ok to say i dont feel comfortable talking about that yet or now hehe

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:48pm
635: Nadia says:

April Rose, I didn’t answer your question. I think what keeps me from having the relationship that I want is fear that it doesn’t exist. And so I cling to what is instead of risking the loss of it, only to discover that there is nothing more. I know this a mindset that needs to change if I am to attract it to me. It feels hard to trust that it exists. I am working on this everyday. The vision for yourself that you wrote in 627 made me swoon. So delicious sounding!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:50pm
636: Daria says:

ouch i feel triggered so disappointing to read that over and over again

i feel drained

ugh

disappointed

heavy

im not ‘the coach’ ! oh yes

if i was the coach i might feel energized each time to inspire and uplift and guide and encourage and point a way

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:50pm
637: April Rose says:

It is nearly 2am here in the UK, and way past my bedtime.

I have stayed up late writing and reading responses to my postings on the blog.

I feel touched by you who have addressed me and responded to my request for help. My conversations with you have opened up my perspective on my situation, and allowed me to ponder it in greater depth.

Connecting with you means a great deal to me and I feel a lot of love in my heart just now. I shall take this feeling into my dreams.

Goodnight sirens.

Thank you.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:50pm
638: LiliBee says:

621:

Jilly,

Your comments radiate with joy.
I hope it’s contagious.

As for my story catch-up:
I let my insecurities get the best of me and got to being a control freak.
He got really angry and hurt.
He said “I can’t say I don’t have feelings for you coz I do, but I can’t consider a future with you like this, and I don’t want to waste your time.”
I asked “What do you want to do?”
He replied “I don’t know.”

The good news is :
He was open and honest with me for the 1st time.
I was in the present moment and really listened.
I said “I really appreciate your honesty. I feel so insecure and it makes me want to control eeeverything.”
Him “It doesn’t get you what you want does it.” in an angry tone.
That’s a good thing to me coz he never expressed anything ever.
He finally let his feelings out.
I facilitated it by leaning back on the sofa and just listened.
I accepted what he had to say and just let it go.
No convincing, no leaning forward.

That was last Sunday.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:52pm
639: Nadia says:

Daria, is there a link you can connect me to about Rori’s new guidelines? I’m an infrequent joiner in this ongoing conversation and I would like to make sure I’m up-to-date. Thank you!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:54pm
640: Vi says:

I feel like I’m in a bubbly bath of anger today I get triggered by super-tiny things about my man and the anger I feel is directed to my self this time.

What if it’s okay to feel anger at myself? What if I am about to find the best feelings to myself? But even if it’s not so … then what… I feel tight in my arms and especially in shoulders, my pelvic kinda stiff, my buttocks clenched … I love my tightness and stiffness. I feel sad I love my sadness. I love my anger. I love my tears. It’s okay to get triggered by tiny things … I feel insecure. Do I want to set up some new boundaries? hm… I don’t know … Do I want to script to express myself? but I don’t know what I want yet … I don’t know what to express… I feel ache in my right collar bone.. I love you collar bone. Pouty lips. I love you lips. Anger Anger. Punching the air. Silent lion roar. Feeling tired. I love my tiredness. I love my insecurities. It’s okay to feel anger. Frowny brows. I love my brows. Maybe I am closer to even more love to myself … maybe anger is here for me to burn down what doesn’t work for me anymore and it feels this way … I don’t know …. I love my anger. I love my sadness.
I feel afraid to express that I got triggered by things that are ‘tiny’, the things that I ‘think’ ‘insignificant’. Okay … but my feelings consider it to be really significant! … sigh. I feel more peaceful… There are nothing ‘tiny’ about you for me, feelings. You ARE important. Thank you for triggering me. I do hear you. And I appreciate you. I welcome you. You are significant, feelings. You are. You are important to me. I am here for you. I love you. I love myself when I feel this way too. No no no you are not insignificant. I feel so sorry for judging you. You are significant. My mind is one thing and my feelings is another. And no one of you is less important. You both are important to me. Thank you. I feel exhausted.

He was writing to a friend he ‘was dating a cute woman in 2003 who … ‘ and then the story she’s told him that seemed interesting to him which was not even about the woman. I feel angry that 1. he remembers her. 2. he called her cute. So. 1. No one dares to remember any other woman except me. 2. no one is cute for my man except me. And that phrase was not even intended for me. hehe I feel giggly writing it now … hehe … Is my mind desperately looking for anything I could feel bad about, as I used to. hehe .. Maybe (((((((((my mind))))))) but I felt jealous, and that’s the truth. And I feel ashamed of feeling jealous. That’s the truth too. hehe …

And men are irrelevant … and now I also know that men are not for hurting me ..hehe … Do I judge myself for remembering my last ex sometimes? I do actually …. and I feel numb about it mostly … hmmm.. I actually feel guilty and ashemed that my mind brings back my last ex sometimes and I compare these two commited relationships and judge myself for dropping that guy …. hm.. okay okay I am feeling angry at me and I feel terribly guilty for dropping a man who was good to me. He was ‘too’ devoted, ‘too’ caring … and ‘too’ controlling by the way! and I feel sad I couldn’t communicate my concerns that time…. or I just don’t know why I did it. I felt bored. I feel ashamed to accept that was the main feeling I felt. I believe feeling bored is not a good reason for dropping a man… I feel guilty. And I ‘think’ I deserve punishment for doing so. … now I know that ANY feeling is important and worth to be attended to… Sigh. Thank you. okay I feel bored with the process now. Thank you Vi, thank you feelings, thank you mind. I love you all. I feel like go to a coffee date with me. I know you love coffee Vi…. hehe … and a big hug from the bottom of my heart!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:55pm
641: Daria says:

Radlove – gosh that sux!

well i feel glad its working for me! im sure its my attitude and my focus on using the tools and healing and celebrating my babysteps, not the connection with the men

connection with the men does feel nice sometimes too

eh i dono

im dating some men in the US whove followed up with me i don’t feel that ‘connection’ with but i still like them cuz they’re handsome and dress well and i look cool in public with

which i am thinking about embracing that its something that feels good for me

i dono if its something i ‘require’

but maybe it is…

hmm feeling confused

that seems ‘shallow’

i love my shallowness

i love that i dont believe in shallowness

oh wow that SOLVES EVERYTHING!!!!

i didnt know i dont believe in shallowness but i guess i dont!

so i give myself permission to be shallow!

yesssssssssss

thrilllll

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:57pm
642: Vi says:

ps. And I am not even cute, I am gorgeous.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:57pm
643: LiliBee says:

627:

That feels Awwwesome to read April Rose

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 5:57pm
644: Radlove says:

Daria,

640 – I feel delighted reading that! I feel encouraged. You go!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:01pm
645: Daria says:

Nadia – on the last article – the one before this one – im using the Find feature to search for Rori Raye to find her comments

i feel frustrated im not finding the one i remember where she says not to even adress/ or was it attack ? soemoen sideways in that somethingiveneverheardbefore-seomthing-line way

i remember that dashed word in there…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:04pm
646: Daria says:

1227: Rori Raye says:

OMG – after I pushed the button – 20 other comments came up!

Let’s expand the advice-giving ban to opinion-giving. All the same.

What we don’t like about ourselves, we don’t like in other people….so if you feel harsh about someone else, it’s because you feel harsh about yourself.

If we feel harshed-upon – it’s because we heap harshness on ourselves and don’t experience it that way.

There’s enough anger and frustration to light the world if we used it for that.

If you start to feel defensive – look at that.

In my world – there is no such thing as attack. It’s all internal. If we attack ourselves, attack shows up.

And yet – when it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel good, and nothing I say will change that.

So let’s get back to safe, away from our heads, and- hey – anyone want to “Riff”?

Those who know about Riffing and like it, please lead the way – and let’s see if we can do it without directing anything toward anyone else, not even subtly or carom-shot-like. I’ll go, too.

Love, Rori

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:07pm
647: Daria says:

carom-shot-like

without DIRECTING anything toward anyone else, not even subtly

ok so as long as im not directing it – intention wise – im all good

freeing!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:08pm
648: Daria says:

1213: Rori Raye says:

Whoa – Thank you all for stirring up the juice for me as I return! You’re all just so passionate and amazing – let’s see if I can add my two cents.

1. Feeling Messages – please just go back to them 100% – when we get away from that, and start using the word “feel” but really giving an opinion – that’s when we get into trouble, that’s when we lie to ourselves about where we’re coming from (I’m as prone to that as anyone in my own life, and have to be vigilant).

Advice-giving is the hallmark of our controlling voices – and it doesn’t help anyone unless they specifically ASK for it.

So – if you want ADVICE, rather than SUPPORT – let’s be clear about it so there isn’t any confusion.

If you want advice, some of it’s going to be harsh – so if you ask, you can’t defend – that’s a rule we’ll try for a bit, let me know how you like it.

And if you DON’T ask, you’re just venting or sharing or keeping us up to date or practicing feeling messages and giving context – then no one, even me, gets to give advice.

The most we can do is say how triggered we feel, that it makes us aware of some of our own experiences, and brings stuff up and out – and please let’s THANK each other for triggering us, without judgment.

It’s all a gift.

You say it, I feel triggered. That’s my lesson. That’s why I’m here.

Now I’ll get into some specifics -

Tam – I LOVED the tone you started with, I felt clearly you were sharing your feelings triggered by Siren Angel (animal abuse and animal suffering turn me into the Hulk – I become a rage-filled crazy person pounding the floor with my feet, crying my eyes out, and deciding to devote myself to animal rights, and I felt you keenly)- and it didn’t feel harsh to me – now, as the discussion continues, I see you feeling pressed to defend your position. For me – the simple thing here would be if you could just drop everything you THINK, and start sharing about yourself again – and simply walk away from this fight.

Siren Angel – so sorry you’re finding yourself in this bind – it feels like the “win” here keeps moving out of reach, and if it were me, I’d be in a tizzy and processing through that. Brava to you for hanging in, holding on, and focusing on your kids.

I will give some advice here – even though you didn’t ask for it: I would like to encourage you to look at where you’re feeling most tender and most defensive, and at how easy it is for us to poke that spot. Usually, we’re most tender at what WE think is the truth.

I’m just always on the lookout for where I feel most defensive, what I’ve stuffed down, what I’m hiding from myself, what opinions about myself and my life I’ve decided on and continually gather evidence to prove to myself.

You can’t do anything wrong. That’s my opinion.

Thank you LG and Starla for the gravitas and dedication of your wonderful presence.

Darla – you are immense and elevated and expanding and truly interesting, and thank you for apologizing when you stepped gently over the line from sharing to advice-giving.

This advice-giving place is a tricky one. It’s hard enough for me to navigate, and since I “own” this place, I have a lot of leeway, including tough love.

And yet – I see that none of the Sirens, not Siren Angel, has asked me for my advice – and so I won’t throw much of it in. If you do want it, though – it’ll be tough to hear, probably (otherwise there wouldn’t be so much stuff coming up from so many on the blog).

Memulo – I haven’t read through that yet – will do later tonight and weigh in.

So glad to be back, and you have NO idea how your voices here lift me up (even when they may not sound so uplifting, they are to me – it’s all new, fresh, emotional – maybe not “pleasant” in the strictest sense, but SO human. And each of you are SUCH individuals. So unique.

Love, Rori

Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 3:47pm

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:09pm
649: Nadia says:

Daria, I’m not sure I’m understanding what Rori means but I appreciate the hook up. Thanks! I welcome your interpretation for my own clarity sake.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:11pm
650: Nadia says:

Daria~ Whoa! I just got your second link. All is clear now. Thank you SO MUCH! Love it.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:13pm
651: bloom-ing says:

daria, lol, now i’m picturing, ok:

ocean cool flowing
layers of water (obviously)
layers of water (obviously)
layers of water (obviously)
layers of water (obviously)
layers of water (obviously)
layers of water (obviously)

lol i had to copy-paste the line & the (obviously)s looks really funny to me right now…

ok so fluid motion dynamics

chaos & movement & flow in the body of water
little spasms of — pass all through all around, intermingling & co-spasming

& what i once imagined as “shallow” or “deep” or “fleeting” or “longstanding” i am now imagining as something more just like i hope my finger cells don’t worry about whether or not they’re doing a good job supporting my finger muscles while they type this

& like someone dropped a stone, i feel you are on my ripple : ) but of course you can connect me with all the ripples you know about that i can’t feel cuz i’m a little too far & like sometimes you know first & sometimes i know first…hehe i feel mysterious a bit & i don’t want to try to do anything else right now. my computer is balanced on the side of a gigantic bean bag, my right arm is too high (strained in the forearm & bicep) & all my legs feel bad this way lol & cd just said on the phone, “well, i’m going to let you go….” haha… he must feel it too, time to change it up in the room

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:15pm
652: Daria says:

wow i feel triggered and judgemental that a man saying something hurtful is considered the first time he lets his feelings out or the first time he opens up and is real

am i always looking for the punishment, the other shoe to drop, to confirm its ‘real’?

yes

when a man is nice to me, good to me, that’s not beign real

he only becomes real when he finally starts treating me poorly

this is SO true for me!

and.. thats when i ‘fall in love’ = in the past

wow

i feel sad

i feel excited

i feel hmmmff
i feel awed

i want to love all of this

im choosing to love all of this

Love me

Ilove me

i love all of this

i love me

i love all my feleings

i love my anger at myself!

wow

anger at myself! thats what that teeth grinding feleing is

ah

and why i so appreciate anger from a man at me hmmm

i feel scared and sad

i dont want to deal with this

drop it on the floor hot hot hot jumpy jumpy waahh

i dont wanna deal with it batait

i love me

im here for me while im feeling all this

i feel numb

i feel sad

im always here for me

i love my feelings

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:17pm
653: Daria says:

blooming – lol!

mm turkish delight candy feeling!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:19pm
654: LiliBee says:

I want to prepare a speech for when D calls again.

I keep rewriting it in my head.

When he called last night, the timing didn’t feel ‘ripe’.
He was exhausted.
I just asked him how he was.
No questions about what he was doing or what he’s been up to.
He asked me how I was.
I said “I feel sad and I miss you.”
He didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t expect him to.
He asked me how zumba class was.
I said it made me feel good, it got my blood flowing.
The new choreographies feel fun to do.

He talked about the gift he gave his dad last weekend.
I said “I felt so melty mushy when I was seeing you sitting at the table with your dad talking about the gift. He looked so happy.”

I’m leaning waaaay back.
Being here really helped me get the inspiration and the courage to lean back and not reach out to him.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:21pm
655: Daria says:

ouch sad i feel disappointed at the thought of not CDing cuz of living with a man , thinking Rori says Yes CD and i feel mad mad and sad sad disappointed

always fighting ah yes i said i wasnt gonna fight this one mfffff

sinky sad feeling

lost again

‘so hard’

in the ‘real world’ to get the encouragement and courage to do it and now pow

this ‘only place’ to hear ‘against it’ ohhh

so sad

so triggered

‘always losing’

heart ache

spasms

hmmm feels tingly important to ‘keep it on me’ and not ‘direct it out’

wow

i love my heartache

i love my disappointment

its ok to feel this way

it doesnt mean im never gonna heal

taht nothign will ever change

that im ‘trapped forever’

that im going to ‘lose’

its ok to feel this grief

i love my grief

Thank you lovely siren for posting this and triggering me

i am with myself

i dont know that ive stayed here with me for a long time

im getitng to be here with me now

and notice and heal and love me

i feel moved

at this gift

i feel dreamy

i feel teary

sigh

i feel soft and smily

wow

that felt… surprising and soft and

i feel confused, where is the blame and drama lol

i feel in awe blink blink

hmf

smily

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:28pm
656: Daria says:

lots of love for you Radlove

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:33pm
657: Daria says:

i feel awkward that someone would want me to brush their hair, it feels so intimate and loving to me, i feel … afraid and i would do it, i love having my hair brushed

and i love my awkwardness and fear it feels so uncomfortable i love my uncomfortableness

mhmm thank u mucho

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:35pm
658: LiliBee says:

651:

Hi Daria,

I felt triggered when he was playing games to hide his true feelings.
With gameplaying, I feel insecure and lost.
I feel like controlling to gain security.
That makes me feel tense.
I get to feeling more insecure.
Then I feel more tense.
That makes my muscles stuck.
Then I have to go to the massage therapist.

The controlling manipulation worked for a while.
But I lost respect for him.
He resisted control.

Him telling his truth and standing up for himself in that honest way…Made me feel respectful of the masculine.
I feel more inclined to surrender to his lead.

This ignited my desire to inspire instead of control!

Yey!!!!

Thank You so much for sharing your trigger Daria!!!

It triggered me into commenting, made think and feel!!!! bringing me to ‘This ignited my desire to inspire instead of control’.

I am growing after all! Yey!

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:42pm
659: LiliBee says:

Jillyyyy!

Are you back from the store yet?

I can’t wait to read your story.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:45pm
660: Radlove says:

Daria,

655-656 – Thanks!

I think brushing each other’s hair is very intimate and loving too.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:49pm
661: LiliBee says:

656:

Daria,

When I was a little girl, I used to brush my older 3 cousins’ hair in front of the the tv before going to bed.
I feel glad you brought that memory out for me.
That was a moment when I would feel wanted, cozy, relaxed and peaceful just ‘being’.
No worrying, just being in the moment.
It feels so good to go back there.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 6:51pm
662: LiliBee says:

I am so letting go of control.

It’s getting easier and easier as I am processing my stuff.

I’m recalling last night when he said “I have my son this weekend and I have this work to finish. I’ll be doing that tomorrow during the day.”
I don’t know if he was expecting my usual “I can join you after”, but I didn’t ask or suggest anything.

Instead of that usual puppy dog response, I said “This weekend forecast says rain and cold. I will feel good cozying up on the sofa with a good movie. There’s this movie that I’ve been hearing intriguing comments about. Everyone says they feel dumbstruck after seeing it. Seems to be the type of movie I can really feel myself sinking into. Your son is very up-to-the-minute on the latest movies. I wonder if he’s seen that one to give his review.”

D’s voice sounded excited and enthousiastic about the movie.
He said “I’ll ask him about it!”

I feel good about my reaction.
It felt effortless.
I was all about expressing myself.
That’s what it feels like to not feel the pulling neediness and tense controlling when I just express ME.

I don’t want to let myself have expectations.
So I made plans for myself:
1. Put laundry on.
2. While laundry is rolling, perculate coffea.
3. Check out siren island while I sip my morning coffea.
4. Clean
5. Clear clutter from the dining room table
6. Make my wishboard (I already have all I need).

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:17pm
663: MissStix says:

Oh oh and sigh sigh sigh sigh.

I feel right now in this moment….I want to say…Nothing.

Grrrrrrrrrr

oh there’s something! I feel frustrated when I feel blank…

….

….

….

….

Blankity blank blank and fugging blank.

Thinking too much.

Reading Daria and bloom-ing.

And I feel an ouch spot on my right index finger tip. Probably G brought home a piece of fibreglass. And it inserted itself nicely into my finger tip. Teeniest tinyest little ouch spot. How annoying do you feel? Very. I want to sqeeeze you out little fibreglass….OUCH. Stuck. Get out of my finger. grrr.

Grawr.

Scurry burr.

Haha

Inside joke.

A scurry burr says GRAWR.

Meh. My cuz and I laugh at that.

We also call ganj “cookies”. And when i’m really baked i’m pretty much a white chocolate fudge caramel pecan delight! Awwww yeah.

Feeling fun and giggly now.

The cookies are in the oven and they’ll be nicely golden brown in about 4 minutes and 20 seconds. mmmm hmmmm

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:22pm
664: LiliBee says:

…and the list goes on:

7. Watch chick flix.(I forgot I rented 3 chick flix on my way home from work).

8. Cooking. Maybe a huge batch of healthy hearty vegetable soup.

9. My budget.

10. Trying on and sorting my fall/winter wardrobe.

11. Shopping for new fall/winter clothes and shoes.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:29pm
665: Femininewoman says:

LiliBee any silk undies, sleepwear or sheets yet?

I have started changing out my undies.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:31pm
666: MissStix says:

mmmm

lilibee has a yummy list. A feel good mix of chores and fun and distraction and I want to say GO LILIBEE!

ow ow

lilibee does rock.

And I feel her and get her on a lot of things.

I feel everyone and get everyone on a lot of things. mmmhmmm Yep. I get them I do! Even when I feel yucky and grrrr. And I think I would say out loud to their ears.

“ohh grrr! But really I do feel you.”

and

“hey you’re just super cool regardless of my body feelings.”

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:35pm
667: LiliBee says:

I think I will be in a better feeling place writing my speech after I’ve done my wishboard.

I forgot my speech in my to do list.

I feel a slight shift in my focus.
I feel my focus babyshifting to the relationship instead of the man.
I listened to Reconnect Your Relationship on my way to work this morning.
Every time I do, something different stands out.
This time it was Rori’s suggestion to do the wishboard to shift our focus on what we wish for instead of the man.
I’m already starting to feel my focus shifting, the wishboard may very well bring that shift home.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:37pm
668: LiliBee says:

664:

FW,

I have enough undies to last me 1 month without doing laundry…aaall kinds from satin to lace to g-string, to brazilian cut to boyshorts to sporty to cute to poka dots in all colours.
I also have lotsa nighties.

Bedsheets I have a hard time finding exactly the softness I want.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:44pm
669: MissStix says:

right now in this moment you blog are my journal. cool? cool.

And if it wasn’t finger to screen it would be hand to pen to paper. Fo sho. Uhm he11z yeah! Hmmm and wow this feels so amazingly safe. Mucho love!

holy cow! What a sexy sexy boy in the shoe store and uhhh yeah I wanted to whistle at him. No darling let them do the whistling. Please be kind and rewind…Yesssss we felt so determined to sink in and such things work. They just do. And before the shoe store there were so many male eyes moving turning following you. How uncomfy did that feel? Gawd and wow but you took it like a siren goddess! Who is that girl with the bright shirt glowing skin shoulders back chin up bouncy bouncy swaying hips! bowchickah! Stix. And yeah…he said that after he rang you up Not making sales. Oh lady you felt good huh?

OH YES!

Beautiful girl.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:46pm
670: LiliBee says:

665:

Thanks for the cheers MissStix

So much to do! I feel surprised at all the stuff I can come up with.

12. Epilady.
13. Pedicure.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:46pm
671: LiliBee says:

Jilly must be at the shoe store (women’s heaven), she’s not coming back

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:49pm
672: Femininewoman says:

I just got back in and feeling all cozied up in bed under the blanket. Nice change from the cool weather outside

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:53pm
673: Jilly says:

Lilibee…yay..you had a break through!

I’ll write my story…if it’s not posted tonight (Rugby Man is on his way home) I’ll do it tomorrow for sure

Feminine Woman…I feel glad your hand is better…you didn’t answer the other part…that’s ok though if you didn’t want to

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 7:58pm
674: Jilly says:

Ha!! Nope..not the shoe store lol…Beth Bath and Beyond!! and then Kohls (they had Christmas trees up!!)…then I lost my keys…ugggh!! They ended up being back at Bed Bath and Beyond…

FW…that feels cozy to read…

I want to feel cozy and snuggly with cool weather…

I love Autumn…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:03pm
675: LiliBee says:

Looking forward to reading your story Jilly

Love those stores!
So many things to look at.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:43pm
676: LiliBee says:

My eyelids feel so heavy.

Goodnight sirens. Be back tomorrow.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 8:44pm
677: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens…. I got to hang out with Mr. C. tonight for hours. We had fun. He asked me to go with him to get a new car, and then said he’d take me out in it, like on a date. I said… like with you paying and everything? And he said yes. I said ok. He was all smiles and cutesy. Joked around a lot tonight, was a little flirty… Hmmm…. I don’t quite know what to think. He was away for 2 days… is that enough time to miss someone?

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:28pm
678: Tereana says:

I wonder – what would it feel like to be making a lot of money? Hm, I bet it would feel good and yummy and nice…

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:28pm
679: LoveAlways says:

Hi Sirens:

A moment to spam the blog. Having a few solid hours to myself. Feeling lovely and free and relaxed. feels so good sleeping next to HScd every night and it feels wonderful having a moment to breath alone and be sexy siren alone.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:33pm
680: LoveAlways says:

I think I’m going to lay down and sleep alone for a little while. Sweet peace sirens

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:36pm
681: LoveAlways says:

feeling silk so I’m going to sleep in my short satin robe

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 10:37pm
682: Rori Raye says:

Help – sex doesn’t mean anything except the meaning you give it. It’s not a “strategy,” and when you try to use it as one – it doesn’t work. You have to go with your gut. Women have a very challenging time separating sex from love and commitment, and so if you’re not feeling secure in a man’s love, I wouldn’t sleep with him. Much better to sleep with men who adore you but who you don’t feel all “attached” to. I’d encourage you to date a lot of men, including him, and sleep with NONE of them until you meet someone who wants what you want – or this man gets commitment-ready. Love, Rori

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:01pm
683: Heart says:

Tam – Travel safe! Have fun. <3

Update: A little busy atm. Guy – that I meet sometime ago and ran into briefly last week – emailed me today asking me out on a date. I feel smily. I feel like I sent a heart symbol out into the night sky….or maybe they are the ones sending out the heart symbol.

I was too hasty in making Djmac a cd..he fell asleep while chatting. I see that responding to his email which he sent me months ago was a form of leaning forward. I feel good about learning this..

I feel scared about all this as well….I'm working through the feelings and seeing it's just a desire to run back into Cage because it's feels safer.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:37pm
684: Heart says:

it feels safe..

sorry about alll the typos…I write from my phone

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:39pm
685: Tereana says:

Think I just lost a post, or half a post. Or maybe I posted it. Lol

But also, I just realized I have this weirdly cynical view that most relationships can’t or won’t last. I tend to assume this about friends and such. And sometimes it’s true. But I am often very surprised when it’s not. It’s like the universe is surprising me.

But maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe relationships – like life – are SUPPOSED to survive. It’s the anomaly when they don’t.

I jury feel afraid of myself and my ability to support life. But this is also my greatest power.

I have the ability to support life.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:39pm
686: Heart says:

#684 – . I’d encourage you to date a lot of men, including him, and sleep with NONE of them until you meet someone who wants what you want –”

Completely Agrees.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:42pm
687: Heart says:

No judgement towards women who are having sex.
If you can sleep with a man and not get hung up – that’s an amazing thing.

I get hung up just from a makeout session.

Friday, 28 September 2012 @ 11:48pm
688: Smile says:

I feel exhausted. My neck feels twisted, my back feels stiff. Stretching feels good. My nose feels muffled, my head feels twingy at the back.ivegot butterflies in my tummy…? Where have they come from?

My minds thinking.

I really want to feel excited about today but I needed a day to feel recovered after a long week. I feel too busy. These plans mean to much to me though to bow out and take care of my body. I feel like I’ve just got to keep going and tomorrow I can rest. This day is important to my friend, I would feel guilty in letting her down.

I feel like I’ve got to fake a smile.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:26am
689: Heart says:

Sirens – wait I’m wondering… Is this new guy asking me out on a date….he said: let’s meet up and talk…
Whats a meet up? .
I would like some help with this…
Truthfully Id rather just meetup than have an official date since it feels easier and more relaxed….

but I also feel like I’m doing something wrong…and being Unsireny without specifying.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:39am
690: Smile says:

Heart, I don’t have your answers as I’m not ‘dating’ as such at the minute. I would be curious to know too.

My feelings towards this would be to relax and enjoy the moment for whatever it is. Where have you met the new guy? If it’s a dating website I would take the meet up to be a date?

I feel uncomfortable with ‘saying’ the word ‘date’ at the
minute. Thank you for triggering these feelings for me heart.
It would feel nice to hear that word so I would know exactly what it was, but I’m letting go of the need to control what it is by asking? Hm….

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:09am
691: Smile says:

At first I felt cold. Now I’ve flipped my feelings, I’ve relaxed my muscles, they don’t feel tight from shivering anymore. Now I’m enjoying the fresh, crisp, autumnal morning. Blue skies on a chilly day make me smile.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:13am
692: Smile says:

Daria, thank you for re posting the post from Rori about guidelines.. I missed it as I was away.

I don’t get triggered in a bad way anymore from the blog, like with feelings of anger. I feel more aware about what the triggers are bringing up for me and so feel more triggers of wonder! I suddenly feel like I get it.

A ha moments feel great!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:18am
693: Heart says:

#690 – Smile – No I met this guy at the laundrymat back in August. He was sweet and helpful.
I’m not using any online websites…I feel anxious I trigger other Sirens but I feel a uncomfortable with the idea. When I get some time I’m going to explore this discomfort and hopefully discover why I feel that way. Logically – I get that Online sites are a good way to get free therapy and to meet ppl.

I feel curious about the word ‘date’ triggering you.
Thank you for the advice Smile.
I want to care less about Labels.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:29am
694: Tam says:

Hello Heart, Smile, Ruth, FW and others!!
Just checking in to say helloooo!!
I have arrived in Florida and as soon as I stepped out of the airconditioned airport I let out a loud: ‘aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh’ (and people looked at me like I was a looney, which I am sometimes)
I feel alive, free and hopeful.
Adventure starting now (at 5am, ha!!)
Hope you are all well…

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 2:05am
695: Tam says:

and yeah, that is exactly what I am intendin on doing:

”I’d encourage you to date a lot of men, including him, and sleep with NONE of them until you meet someone who wants what you want –”

whoever posted that – thanks.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 2:06am
696: Tam says:

oh, Rori posted it..hehe.

Heart, I had a phase when I genuinely didn’t get hung up on men I had sex with. This lasted about 2 years and was a phase in which my life kind of wasn’t great. I realise it was my fear of intimacy then also.
It happened when I met MrP too, and after we slept together, I remember looking at him the next morning and thinking ‘ok, he can go now, I am busy’. I had no feeling of attachment at all. Zero. I remember it very well. I thought ‘yeah, he is cute but I’d rather he’d go now and I don’t need to see him again;. And he kept hanging on and it made me feel all confused because the others (well, one of two..not ‘lots’) hadn’t…then he wanted coffee…then he was hanging about more…and I literally had to tell him: look, I need to do stuff. And when he left I thought ‘Jeepers, phew’. And I was like ‘bye’.And he said ‘call me or I’ll call you bla bla bla’ and I was like ‘yep, ok (thinking ‘whatever’)’. I was like a man basically and he was like a woman…too funny!!!!!

I can’t even imagine doing that now because I ‘feel’ so much more, which is why I don’t want to have sex lightly anymore, as I know it will most likely attach me to a man. And it’s a total no-no with MrP now because if I do that, I will have expectations, so I don’t. I feel really happy with that decision and myself. And ever since I made that decision, which was already last time we saw, things started to turn around. I won’t make any more comments about others and what they do, but for me the stepping back – from physical intimacy – has had the best results (for emotional intimacy and a deeper connection). I know it sounds like a contradiction, i e how can you have a deep connection without sex?
Because sex for many men is not the same as love, and I have seen that now very clearly. And knowledge is, in this case, power.
I am not getting hung up because of my body making hormones….

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 2:17am
697: Tam says:

Oh, I just saw Rori has written something about me…I feel great reading that and feel heard. And yes, I absolutely was in the end just defending my position because I felt under attack for other than what I had written – I felt attacked as a person (being called angry, issues with parents etc) and that didn’t feel good and is not why I come here – oops now I am getting into it again.
So yes. I feel happier turning it back to me, my boundaries and feelings around them, what I accept etc. – and everybody is different….
Thank you

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 2:24am
698: Heart says:

Tam – you are so nutty <3 I'm shopping for Beauty/Siren Supplies right now…and reading your posts + Giggling out loud in the aisles! I feel and I am Smily. I must look crazy too! Only had time to skim through your craziness….Will read it over later.
Glad you made it safe to Florida.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 2:46am
699: Tam says:

Heart..awww..I feel so warm reading about you giggling….I hadn’t meant to come back to the blog so soon but 5am and unpacked, if I go out to the streets now I will be arrested for sure…hehe…so yes, feeling a bit nutty and overexcited now….aaah.
I am just not meant to live in the cold.
I could be a reptile, I get faster and more active in the heat…..
Oh feels exciting, shopping for beauty supplies….yeehaw!! Have fun!!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 2:48am
700: Tam says:

Heart, are you in the US or UK..just wondering if you are even nuttier than me and spending the early hours of the morning at Walgreens or CVS, or whether you are far more normal than me and it’s late morning and you’re at Boots

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 2:51am
701: Heart says:

Tam – I feel a little paranoid about sharing personal info for all to see (but I feel comfortable saying that I’m somewhere in Asia for a semi-short stint At the moment). But, I’ve kind of been a little bit all-over-the-place since I’ve been on this site and I’ve visited Florida for a day once while travelling about 2 years ago and liked it. Met a weird guy in the airport who tried to kiss me in the airport – Eeewyou! Lol..oh Miami…

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 3:04am
702: Heart says:

Tam – woohoo you’ve unpacked….I feel excited for you….cocktails on the beach!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 3:07am
703: Tam says:

701, Asia feels exciting!! I didn’t know, great!! Yes, I understand..I have shared far too much personal info here…eek. Nevermind.
Oh, so a true Siren who makes men want to kiss her at the airport
I already saw so many attractive and well built men at the airport yesterday, that I felt at home straight away..hehehe.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 3:16am
704: Tam says:

@Joseph Hyde
Your post feels bad to read because if it were true that all men only wanted sex and nothing else from a woman, then they could get it with much less hassle from prostitutes, surely.
It feels bad also because you explain your issues from childhood and feels like you have ‘given up’ on love.
I may be totally wron of course, but the overwhelming feeling that jumps out of your post at at me is anger, and sadness.
I am currently reading a book calles ‘fear of intimacy’ by Mr Firestone. And I suddenly recognised myself and was bawling my eyes out. The assumption that we don’t need anybody and are self sufficient, is described as a sicknedd from our childhood when we suffered inadequate parenting and started, in effect, to ‘parent’ ourselves. We shut off and we kept this defense system alive into our adulthood, as a protection.
To give yourself to another person and opening up is very scary, but we are humans and we are not meant to live independently of each other, whether it is couple relationships or close friendships.
I recognised some of myself in your letter, but must say that ever since I started to feel my feelings and opening up and actually feel the anxiety and fear and do it anyway, my life has changed for the better in more ways than I could ever tell you.
I don’t believe age has anything to do with it, and no, some of us do not make a man the center of their Universe, in fact, this is a bad move – and I believe that’s all what Rori’s teaching is about.
I hope you will find happiness and if you really want to read something good which is more or less a direct answer to your comment – the book I read is just that.
Take care

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 3:37am
705: Heart says:

#703 Tam – Awwwr , what a lovely way to look at things. I’m tying to train my mind to interpret events like that…

Yea – you do share a lot but it’s cool to be that fearless! Siren power! Though, I sometimes wonder if you’re not afraid a guy sees the website on your phone, reads a bit and realizes that “Tam” is You. LOL! Can u imagine? Sorry if I’m spreading the paranoia…Please keep sharing…I love reading your stories.

yay!@hot bodies

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 3:37am
706: Tam says:

sorry bout the typos, keyboard weird today

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 3:38am
707: Tam says:

Heart, I believe nobody would check my phone and it’s not easy to find the website, haven’t bookmarked it or anything…I trust nobody would snoop that much and I can’t post from my US phone anyway. But who knows..

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 3:40am
708: Femininewoman says:

Hey Tam I feel happy to see you arrived safely. I guess jetlack will hit you soon

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 3:55am
709: Femininewoman says:

Jilly it was something you had written about the person after Pipeliner. I believe it was around him not being satisfying around sex that was kinda laughed at. I felt triggered by the laughing. It was a long time ago so the details are kinda fuzzy just that I remember how turned off I felt and also felt like fighting to defend you. But what the heck, now you have Rugby Man who my word seems to be just perfect!!!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:01am
710: Tam says:

Thanks FW, feels good to hear from you yep, full of beans now but come tonight 5pm, I will probably be zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:04am
711: Femininewoman says:

How did the departure go with your parent(s)? They took you to the airport? Did they seem sad? How did you respond/feel?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:06am
712: Tam says:

711 – FW, thanks for asking..makes me feel cared for.
Actually, I took them out to dinner the night before, as a gesture..it was ok but there was a kind of interrogation again and it wasn’t exactly sympathetic, but I did choose not to let it ruin the evening and shared stuff that I would not have shared normally.
The next day I left by train – my father has to be at his place of work that particular day but he did express that he would have taken me to the airport if he had had a chance – so that was nice.
All in all it was amicable – but I do not feel much of a connection there….I just felt relief to be gone and also, my father made ‘jokes’ at the dinner when I took them out, saying ‘ha ha now we can breathe a sigh of relief at last, that you are gone’…hmmm..he made 2-3 more like that. Kind of odd but I decided it was his way of dealing with it.
The guy from the restaurant, when I paid the bill, said to my Dad ‘wow, your daughter is paying for you, mine would never do that, all she does is ask me for money. But I gladly give to her, because she is my baby and I love her – I expect this to go on forever…hahaha’. And my Dad looked like he had hit him. I just replied ‘ oh no, that’s fine, they have been hosting me for 5 months and I felt like treating them’.
The guy said ‘hosting? I am sure they were over the moon to have you there after you have been away for so long’.
It was a little weird, like a message from the Universe…
The main thing I take from the last few days, FW, is that someone can open up age 85….when you least expect it. Isn’t that great?
My grandad has surprised me so much…so maybe my Dad will one day also open up and show me love.
I don’t hold my breath, but it would feel good

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:21am
713: Femininewoman says:

I am sure the words of that guy will be ringing in his ears for a while. When he gets a chance to relax and realize your energy is missing he will definitely reflect. There is nothing like that internal voice that talks to us.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:27am
714: Femininewoman says:

I also wonder if your dad spoke to your grandad about you?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:28am
715: Tam says:

MMmmh..not that I know of, FW. You know, my auntie died a few months ago, aged 55 of cancer and she was my grandads daughter. I believe this event has made him reflect, as sad as it is…

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:35am
716: Femininewoman says:

Yes crises has a way of getting them to think and change

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:38am
717: Femininewoman says:

Because here’s the great thing about relationships…

When one person leads the way and starts bringing more “good stuff” to the party, the other partner quickly follows their lead.

Relationship studies have proven it – anger leads to more anger, humor leads to more humor, affection leads to more affection…

Carol Allen

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:42am
718: Femininewoman says:

Here’s my point – don’t worry about his sign.

Worry about what he wants.

And give it to him!

And if you can’t, because you don’t agree with what he wants, or don’t want to do it, or don’t think he deserves it (or it’s illegal, unethical, or dangerous to you, your loved ones, or your property)…

Then you need to face the cold, hard fact that you may be with the wrong man.

I mean, I’m just saying…

Or, it could be that you’ve been locked in a score keeping power struggle for so long, that neither of you ever does what the other wants, so it feels weird.

Try it anyway – I promise, you’ll be so glad.

Why not bring your guy what he really wants at last?

Carol Allen

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 4:43am
719: Goddess Lily says:

So……I had my first date with my recent ex (I’ll call him Professor) since our breakup. Kinda wished I had processed my feelings before the date. I felt nervous, a little scared of the unknown. Fear that DA (the work ex) would find out about it although he has no claim to me, we’re not together, nor has he even said he wants to be, nor has he asked me on a proper date.

Anyway, the date was to the birthday party of one of his friends at my favorite restaurant. We drove separately. I showed up and it was only mildly awkward. Then he told me this couple (the birthday girl and her husband) didn’t know we broke up. Not a big deal I guess. Up until the husband asked jokingly if Professor had been treating me right. My emotions and my truth shows up in my face almost like my thoughts are typed on my forehead so I don’t know what I looked like when I answered.

The dinner went well, kinda felt like nothing had changed and we were back together. I felt comfortable but yet confused. And that confusion pretty much stayed with me for the rest of the night.

What does that HELP post sound like it was written by me? (It wasn’t- I can’t fully detach from sex to save my life) The irony that Rori posted that probably at the exact time that I was going against that advice feels embarrassing.

Anyway, so he gave me a massage kinda the way I always wanted him to when we were together but never did. Then the massage led on to the sex that I probably shouldn’t have had. Actually I don’t feel any particular way about the sex. I just sat there confused because he really seemed like we were back to normal and everything was good. He said his feelings didn’t go away just because we dropped the titles. My thought: No, but our issues didn’t go away either although we got along the whole night. So long story short, I don’t feel bad about last night but I don’t feel good either. I do feel more motivated to get my match.com profile up so I can get out there.

I feel stuck between a man who’s not ready although I love him to death (DA) and a man who I may be incompatible with although he’s got a lot of the qualities many of us on this blog dream of (Professor).

Must date others! I think this is why Rori recommends at least 3. This back and forth comparison between two undesirables feels hopeless.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 5:15am
720: Goddess Lily says:

Yay Tam! Glad you made it!I feel excited for your new adventures.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 5:17am
721: Goddess Lily says:

Now I feel embarrassed I shared all that :-\

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 5:19am
722: Daria says:

(((Goddess Lily))) I feel so glad this experience has cleared the way and encouraged you to CD! looking forward to lots of yummy healing and growing

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 5:30am
723: Belle says:

Early morning
I feel cozy
wrapped in a quilt my grandmother made
stitched entirely by hand
listening to the rain pour down onto the sidewalk outside
I felt triggered by posts here, followed them down
oohh
I remember feeling smothered by my other grandmother
My father’s voice, vicious and cutting like a knife
I’m sitting in the backseat, I feel used up, thrown away, hated, rejected, furious
My grandmother is smothering me with her body, her voice thin and weak and childlike
“I know how you feel. I love you.”
Inside I am hating her and thinking, “If you know how I feel you wouldn’t be pushing yourself on me you’d be standing up to my father and tellling him to STOP.”

I feel sweet peace in my heart and in my soul as I imagine just that…
oh, even better…
erasing that memory altogether and replacing it with a memory of the whole family out fishing together just playful and fun. No fights. No drunkenness, no abuse.
My sisters and I are playing and occasionally we run to the shore to get hugs while the grownups talk. My dad absentmindedly strokes my hair and he and my mom are smiling at each other.

I feel blessed that my father has softened over time and is a cool person to be with now.
On Easter I visited with my family out on property way out in the country and wanted my mom, who is an expert marksman, to teach me to shoot. Somehow it worked out that my dad and nephew put up targets in the back and I went along. My mother, earlier, was giving me all of these rules and talking to me like I was a baby
but my dad just handed me a 9mm and said, “here ya go, point and shoot.”
It felt like the most natural thing in the world.
My mom would have made me nervous but with my dad, it was so fluid, like breathing.

I feel kind of weird and judgey and scared of myself, that being good with a gun is not a very feminine kind of thing. I even feel a little sick to my stomach right now, “who is going to want me and be a man who leads if I’m really good with a gun?”
I feel scared of being masculine, pushy, that I might end up like a “dyke” (what’s scary about that?…I just don’t see myself that way, self-image is ..
oh
I feel shifty in my torso
I want to be large and in charge
can I be that and still be feminine?
still have a masculine man who takes charge, too?
I want to be in charge of MY life
and let him be in charge of winning me over
and not be intimidated by my big-ness
is that possible?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 5:37am
724: bloom-ing says:

goddess lily, wow, that sounds exciting & it feels so real to me to imagine you feeling that familiar-yet-”broken” feeling…. in a familiar place, with a familiar person, doing something that feels strange because of the context…… esp picturing you both after a party. idk. feels very moving to read. sounds nice to date a bunch of men & allow your 2 peripheral partners to join in when they can… yum, juicy ! : )

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 5:50am
725: bloom-ing says:

joseph hyde,

i feel interested reading what you wrote. i agree with many of the points you make (& so does my partner).

i do feel sad that you do not believe you “can” Do Relationship… & actually want to say, of course you can. you would make a wonderful partner, if being a wonderful partner to someone was what you wanted…

& then the other thing is… the science is all well & good, but also, isn’t it just chaotic phenomena? magic ?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 5:58am
726: bloom-ing says:

trying to make Rules in my imaginary universe:

i’m saying,

you can travel instantly anywhere at any time in zero time

any interaction leads to an infinite connection with that “other”

somehow…..

hm. i feel really confused & stxpid actually for having all these black buckets in my brain of just questions – & for a while i can build a plane out into it, but the thickness is zero & i lose it the second i change my perspective again… sigh.

& somehow that’s related to what i was trying to say in the first place, so actually, i’ll just say, that’s one way of expressing it. chill. easy little girl

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:03am
727: LiliBee says:

721:

Goddess Lily,

I feel glad you shared all that
It makes me feel ‘normal’ in my own stuff.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:04am
728: Turquoise says:

Good morning sirens felt so good to sleep in a little this morning. I’m still in bed, my dog snuggled up, keeping me warm.

About the sex, I know you are right, to wait. And not get physically attached before emotionally attached on both sides…. But lately I’ve had this new thought, I’m not getting any younger. I’ll be 39 in December. I feel like I’m wasting my last years of really wanting sex. I feel I’ll be so regretful looking back. That if it is a primal need, why am I denying myself? What if it takes a really long time to meet someone who adores me? I should be celibate , or sleep with someone random that I have no attachment to? I’m not having sex now…. Even a good make out session would take the edge off. Mr. C. Made several comments last night about us hooking up, but it’s more teasing than an actual invitation. And he doesn’t seem to be into casual sex. My mind says I could definitely do it, but my heart, probably not. So here I am, not getting any younger, not getting any sex, and no good prospects. Mr.C. Did bring up about taking me out… But that car he wanted sold, so who knows if that will happen anyway, or was more about him wanting to just celebrate the new car. Hmmm. Lots to ponder.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:06am
729: Turquoise says:

FW, it’s cool you think I wrote something profound. I appreciate that. It felt like a huge aha moment when I realized how “nice” I actually wasn’t being.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:08am
730: bloom-ing says:

miss stix, i’m feeling SO TRIGGERED reading you !!!! lol, & it’s super “not-about-you” & i feel nervous to share it, but basically it comes down to: when i feel my own Juice-y-ness & see how men are like all wild & will go wild for us i do feel scared…. & also how we are wild & they are wild & i do want my man to feel honored by me, even by my thoughts & i do want him to honor me in his mind…. do you hear anything i’m saying ? i’m kind of leaving a couple feet of dirt over my feelings here…. but i do feel curious what you think ? i feel terrified of all the juice-y-ness !!! lol & somehow i think you are getting there… & i suppose i feel curious about “why” & “how” & those are just mysteries, so maybe i’ll just keep reading you to learn more : ))) squeeeeee hope you liked your cookies !

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:09am
731: Tam says:

720 – thank you Goddess Lily…and don’t be embarrassed about sharing…that makes me feel embarrassed too because I have shared way too much

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:09am
732: LiliBee says:

713: Femininewoman says:
“I am sure the words of that guy will be ringing in his ears for a while. When he gets a chance to relax and realize your energy is missing he will definitely reflect. There is nothing like that internal voice that talks to us.”

That thought helps me feel even more OK to lean back.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:10am
733: Brandylion says:

Smile, this is my 9th year teaching. My hours are definitely longer in a private school than they were in a public school, so that has made it that much more challenging to balance not-school life with school life.

Add to that the fact that I am a master procrastinator, and I often put myself in a position of having a mountain of stuff to do and not a lot of time left in which to do it. This weekend is going to be grueling, because I’ve put some things off as long as they can be, and now they *must* get done.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:24am
734: Goddess Lily says:

Talk about multi-tasking! Today I plan to go shopping with my mother (a feat all by itself, she’s a walking trigger) since she has been feeling lonely, buy some sexy sheets and a new comforter if I can find one (I’ve had the same comforter for 20 years), take pictures in the mall for me AND my mom’s match.com profiles (this should be interesting), all while practicing the tools out in the world and experience my vibe change. Perhaps I’ll meet a new CD.

All this after exercising, cleaning my bathroom, washing at least two loads of laundry, and blasting modern siren over my house speakers. I’m typing this out so that I feel accountable and more motivated to complete everything. Thanks for being here sirens.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:25am
735: bloom-ing says:

& sorry, miss stix, for the all caps trigger…. lol….. i’m still feeling all shaky around this & expressing myself…. so i was just letting myself go gently hyperbolic lol…. : )

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:36am
736: Lizka says:

Hi sirens!

Hope you are doing well. On me end, I am doing incredibly good. I haven’t feel like that in years… And I wanted to share this beautiful success story with you…

I came here on this blog 10 months and 23 days ago. So almost a year ago. I started writing here because of an exboyfriend that I wanted back. The first months, all my writing was about ATW. They were hard months. I wanted him back really badely and even though I had my high days, I had a lot of down days.

I did everything Rori tells us to do. I circular dated, I learned to love myself, I leaned back, I dated myself… and after a little while, the desire to have ATW back dissapeared… The feeling is just not there anymore. At all. And ATW is now calling me every week to see me, but he does it last minute all the time and I say no. It’s easy to say no now because I am no more interested.

And in the mean time, other men showed up in my life. A LOT of other men. E, and S, and Ramadan, and Dicaprio, and ModelCD, and douzen of other men. I think I have never dated as much as in the last years. Some were really not interesting, some I thought I could have go more serious, some where unavailable, a lot actually were unavailable. Dating these men sometimes made me feel more lonely than ever, because I was so surrended by them, but no one seemed to be the one. Even though I knew inside of me that he was somewhere (I never gave up on hope), sometimes I had doubt that I would never meet him.

So I met this uninteresting men that were really really into me, and some more interesting, and I often didn’t feel relaxed around them and I know this is partially why id didn’t work out with them.

Beside that, in the last year, I spent more time with my friends that I never done before. My relationships with my girlfriend became deeper, and I met some new friends.

I think that in the last year, I also became the person that I really wanted to be. Today, I am really proud of who I am. I realised that I have a great career, and this is mainly because I did a big move in the last year. I realised that a lot of men like me, that their head is turning when I walk in the street, that people like me, and actually enjoy my company! That my parents are proud of who I am, that some parts of who I am is impressive to some people, and I am very proud of that.

In the last year, I also learned to be patient, to judge less, to focus on stuff that feels good, to please less, unless it’s for me. I learned to not do everything people expect me to do and I learned to receive.

I think that in the last months, I didn’t pay one drink or one dinner on a date, when before, I would always offer to split or even INVITE men on dates! Can you imagine how much money I am saving now? Lol. In the last months, I haven’t even suggested to a man to go out. I sometimes still lean forward, but only when the man leans forward most of the time.

At the beginning it was hard, it didn’t come to me naturally. It sounded like a game. In the last weeks, I realised that it became more natural. It just became me. It was a long long process, it took months and months, and it was hard. I cried a lot, felt desperate often, but I got to where I am…

…and in the last month, I met this guy. I never met someone like him since my Ironman. For those of you who have read me already, you know that Ironman is the one that I considered the man of my life, but he is away now, but always had a feeling he would come back. Well he came back, in the body of another man.

This guy is literately blowing my mind. He makes me realise that even if I was hopeful all this time, I didn’t know I could live such a great passion again. I thought this kind of passion was just for teenagers.

We’ve been dated just for a few weeks, and I am aware that we are still just at the physical and chemical stage, but everyday, as we discover each other, we fall a bit more for each other. We arejust at the beginning, but we have already talk about the future. I haven’t give up on exclusivity yet, but we agreed that when we will be sleeping together, we won’t be sleeping with others. Marriage is not on the table yet, of course, but we both know what the other is expecting, and we know we are walking in the same direction. Before, I would have never talk about marriage and children. But I did this time, on the first date. And it didn’t feel scary. Maybe because we can’t mess up with the right man? I don’t know. But we are here now. At the beginning of something great. We can tell each other everything. We can look into each other’s eyes for HOURS, literately, and no man before has been more patient and not pushy. Things are extremely intense, but he is not pushing me towards sex. He understands that we have to wait, and he wants things to be great and incredible.

This man would have maybe come into my life if I had never come on this blog. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Bit I felt like sharing this because when I was sad and hopeless when writing here months ago, once in a while, a siren would come here and post a beautiful story. I thought my story could inspire some of you like I was inspired.

Also, I remember, at the very beginning of my journey on Rori’s blog, I read a story (from one of you? In an article? In a newsletter?) that said that a lot of women came here hopeless and that within a year, they had a ring on their finger. Well I don’t have the ring now, but I can feel I met the one who most probably will put a ring on it…

Love,

Lizka xoxo

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:47am
737: Femininewoman says:

Yayyyy Lizka you brave girl you.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:58am
738: Lizka says:

FW

I feel so excited and giggly !

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:59am
739: Femininewoman says:

It feels so good to read your update. I don’t remember ever seeing you write this much. How is the I feel going in French? When was the last time you actually saw ATW? You see how when we let go how things can just float towards us?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 6:59am
740: Belle says:

Lizka

I feel inspired and validated by your storyyyyyy!!!!!!!!
I feel gratitude! Thank you for sharing!

~~
As for me…another life lesson.
Owned my perpetrator aspect, and my victim aspect…owning and shifting the rescuer now.
Boundaries being set in 3….2….1…..

The whole universe will not come to a screeching halt and nobody is going to end up dead in a gutter because I won’t accept wishy-washiness and last minute plans.
I give myself permission to need to plan in advance and if you don’t have a sitter so you can work that night because YOU are tolerating wishy-washiness from your job
then
wonderful!
I bless you and I love you and I know know know you will learn from life like I have and like all of the rest of us are.
In your own time
in your own way

I love love love my planning self
I’ve missed you so much!!!!
We’re gonna rock this life!!!
I feel powerful, charged up and am going headed out to the forest again today for another recharge.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:00am
741: Lizka says:

FW,

I am better at FMs in French. They became more naturals, and for the things I can not say in French, I found some other ways to say things more softly.

Until I met my new man, even if I could express myself in FMs, it was still very hard to be “poetic” in my messages. But now, I don’t know. When I talk to him, it’s just so natural and easy and I feel more sireny than I ever felt before. And when I say poetic things, he smiles at me, looks into my eyes like no other man before and he says he loves what I say and that no one has talk like that to him before.

FMs were hard, but with this man who feels right to me, they are now so easy. Loving it

And for ATW, I saw him last time maybe 2 months ago. We spent an afternoon together because he insisted to, but it was very boring. I never called him after that. But now he calls me every weekend. I am kilometers away from that now and it feels incredibly good.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:08am
742: LiliBee says:

Lizka!!!!

OMG!!!! I feel so excited and esctatic to see you here!!!!!

I felt creamy delicious english cream stirring in my heart, then oozing down my tummy, then tingling in my legs.

I just saw your name…on I go to catch on your posts.

What a treat this morning!!!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:12am
743: Lizka says:

Haha Hi Lili! What a nice way to be welcomed!! Feeling very appreciated

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:16am
744: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise the one thing I would say about your comment is that if in his mind having sex would be a hook up, I would assume that is all it means for him.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:20am
745: April Rose says:

Lizka,

Wow!

You rock!!!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:21am
746: Femininewoman says:

Lizka my heart feels so soft and melty reading your updates. What you share with this guy sounds so perfect. I really hope you keep doing what you are doing and being who you truly are so you don’t get hung up on him.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:23am
747: LiliBee says:

I just finished reading your story Lizka.

I feel so incredibly happy!

I’m jumping for joy and clapping my hands.

I feel so happy to see that you are feeling the way you are about yourself.

You finally got to a place where you loved yourself and naturally effortlessly lost interest in ATW and honoured yourself…Then bam! A very good man pops up.

How inspiring!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:26am
748: Turquoise says:

Oh Lizka!!!!!!! Sooo happy to read your update! Yippee for all that growth and an amazing new man in your life. Love to you!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:26am
749: Lizka says:

Thank you April Rose

Thanks FW. Everything feels indeed so perfect.

We are so open and already talked about both keeping focusing on ourselves first, have time apart to live our own life. We really insisted in that so we can keep our relationship sane.

I already also had a kind of no girlfriend speech. He agrees, and I know he’s gonna do what he has to do to be the one and only, he already started. Things are moving so fast and it feels incredible, not even scary.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:28am
750: Femininewoman says:

Oh my!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:29am
751: Lizka says:

Awww I feel happily teary reading that you are all so happy for me.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:30am
752: LiliBee says:

So many thoughts and feelings evolving fast as lightning for me this morning.

I feel a rush of energy circulating all over my body.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:34am
753: Femininewoman says:

Goddess Lily I felt a bit of confusion reading your story. It kinda felt like somewhere in the middle the two men were merged into one. It was not clear for me which one you spent the night with till the end where the words kinda drifted back into reality. The post kinda felt surreal.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:36am
754: Femininewoman says:

It feels so sad to me reading that someone thinks they are kinda wasting their life because they are not having sex. It makes me wonder about people who are physically disabled and can’t engage in that activity if they spend their lives thinking their existence is useless. I wonder about conjoined twins, which feels the pleasure of sex if they do get involved that way. Which one think the partner is theirs.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:43am
755: MissStix says:

Tam

Hooray! and it does look like the universe may be trying to get some messages through. You are cared for. You are amazing. Worthy of respect.

Have a blast in Fla.

Much love!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 7:49am
756: Tam says:

Miss Stix…thank you!!! Feels good!
Fighting with Jetlag…soo much to do, so little time and I just want to sleep

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:04am
757: Turquoise says:

FW, I didn’t say I was wasting my life, I said it feels like I’m wasting my last years of really wanting sex. I know that desire goes away as you get older. That feels sad to me, like I’m missing out on a hugely enjoyable part of being young and alive, and not a conjoined twin….. Because I’m not in love. And certainly if I’m having sex with someone I love, would be part of a relationship I wanted…. So goes hand in hand.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy sex life, and I bet handicapped people really would like that too.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:08am
758: Tam says:

oh yea, the question about sex is a big trigger for me too.
I miss having a sex life…but honestly can’t say that I was feeling better or all that different when I had one, yes it is nice but guess we place value on something we don’t have an abundance of.
Now I place more emphasis on an emotional connection, and a mental connection….and affection.
It is so easy to just get sex, but those other things are hard to come by.
So now I don’t worry so much that I am missing anything by not having sex, but did have a phase like that.
It’s all relative.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:09am
759: MissStix says:

Bloom-ing

I believe I do get what you’re saying. And before I go on a feeling purge let me say…Don’t apologize! Say it, and keep saying it and don’t stop because I want to hear it! All of it! mmmm It is fascinating to me to see. What comes up for others when they read me? What comes up for me when I read about them reading about me. Yes! It’s delicious this circle of openness! I love it.

So…But yeah. It does feel really crazy to me! And juicy and like woah! And thoughts like…Is there dishonour here? and no no no. Because I do honour all. Me, the man I love, the men I don’t love but have opened up to. It feels shaky and a little jelly-like wobble wobble shake shake hehe but hmmmm I think my goal is really to feel less jelly and a little more apple pie delicious! And I think this probably only makes sense to me hah but actually…No. I have faith somewhere in the right side of my brain that this would kind of make sense to you. And out there is a girl named daria and I thought she was just pi$$in me off but really…She’s been inspiring me the whole time. I feel so so so much better to live this open life. And the truth is I feel far more aware and (gasp-trigger alert) faithful and loyal being this way i’m being. And now I think oh wow!!! How does this come from such juicy interactions with so many gorgeous people?? rawr

mmmmm

ps

I love this word:

Juicy!

I say it out loud like mmmmm JUUUUUICY!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:11am
760: Femininewoman says:

Turq I agree there is nothing wrong with wanting it.

I would challenge this belief though “I know that desire goes away as you get older”. I don’t think it is universally the same for everyone.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:11am
761: Femininewoman says:

“we place value on something we don’t have an abundance of”

So true. It reminds me of when I was in another part of the world and could not have pizza and chocolate cake. I yearned for them so much and then when I got to a place where I could have all the time there were no longer so important.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:14am
762: Siren Angel says:

Lizka!!! Yay!!!

I am writing from the US, away for the weekend with M (while he is making our lunch…)

I am soooo happy for you you sweet Siren you!

Lizka, I always knew you had it in you… So happy you are beyond ATW now, and I am so not surprised he is chasing you now.

I am also super happy for you for your new job!

Much love, big hug and kisses and we should go out soon!!!

xx

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:18am
763: Goddess Lily says:

753 – FW

I wonder if it came across that way because I wish they WERE merged into one, lol. That would be the ultimate combo. Perhaps that brings me closer to realizing the kind of man I’m really looking for.

For clarification:

DA (31) is my work ex that I love and respect dearly but he does not want a relationship. He wants to pursue work goals. But he still wants women around and he gets upset when they get attached. He’s the one that wanted me to be cocky.

Professor (35) is my recent ex that I had dinner with last night. He has a little more feminine energy that I would like but that also makes him sensitive to feelings (as long as he understands them) and interested in settling down. But we’re not sure we are compatible and he believes I should’ve worked out all my self esteem issues by my age (28).

I always love your insight, FW!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:20am
764: Femininewoman says:

Goddess Lily for some reason my radar seemed to homed into the feminine energy guy. That would I believe be the one I would want to keep in my rotation if he wanted to date. Him being feminine energy might be saying something about the way I am and maybe could help me get more into my femininity. I have tended to dismiss guys I experienced as too nice and sensitive.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:24am
765: LiliBee says:

Tracking stuck energy in my body:

I was awoken very early this morning by an urge to p.
When I finished p’g, I felt pain in the canal that radiated about 1 inch all around.
I know how to deal with that infection from experience.
I have to sit there for a long time and keep draining it every few seconds or minutes.

I decided to use that time to my benefit.
I went to get a warm glass of water and squeezed a lemon into it for a cleanse, and went to get my reference go-to book about metaphysics to learn what was happening with my body.

As I was ‘draining’ my bladder, I opened the book, and the 1st page I saw was about back pain.
2 weeks ago, the 1st sign of stuck energy that appeared were stuck back muscles.
I went to the massage therapist to get them unstuck, and whole string of events happened to trigger my growth.

The book says about my particular part of the back “it stems from negative stuffed down emotions that I drag like an undesirable ball & chain, which I refuse to see in myself. I have great expectations in front of others but I have trouble expressing my true emotions, so much that anger, the fear of not being loved or the lack of affectionate support appear and I have the impression of having to think of everything and do everything (action & control). My level of frustration is so great that I often have the urge to turn my back to people (always walking out). I resist alot by believing that i am incapable of affectionately supporting myself and I have the conviction that if my entourage would show me more love and support, everything would be much better.
As of now, I accept loving myself more, I am stopping constantly judging and criticizing myself.
I rediscover everything I kept hidden and stuffed down: My ambitions, my desires, my goals in life and I need to accept my capacity to accomplish them.
My confusion will dissipate et I will no longer have to turn my back to a situation or a person bc I have acquired the certainty that I can accomplish everything I desire. I accept to liberate all this energy that prevents me from flourishing fully.
It is no surprise that I didn’t love myself bc I wasn’t being myself…”

The books is written in “I” instead of “you” to force us to be speaking to ourselves.
Every word of this speaks so true to my issues at the moment.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:26am
766: MissStix says:

ohhhhhh mg

And this brought me back to tallD. If anyone remembers. If not cool yo. But here’s the thing…

I dreamt and I feared. I worried. I felt very not in control of me. I thought like, no effing WAY could I bump into this person. Alone. Because I believe he might ask me out. Scary!! Terrifying. And I felt soooooo jelly around him and I actually LIKED it. mmmmm I would accept his invite. For sure. I could not say no. And lets FF through a date with him and right into my pants.

Seriously.

Sigh.

That was scary. Not the thought that I would go on a date. But the thought that anyone who had the ability to make me feel jelly could probably be in my pants rather easily. And I feel very vulnerable saying this.

I would love to date casually. To just enjoy the company of different men. I fricken love men! <3

I did not trust myself to date.

Not when I have committed to sexual exclusivity.

But lets bring it back up a notch!! because I am babysteppin out of my shell and feeling more and more power within my feelings by the day!!!

He11 to the yeah.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:26am
767: Tam says:

no news from MrP yet, I just had to think of that as I can see the intracoastal highway with boats from my window….if anything, I feel relieved actually.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:26am
768: Goddess Lily says:

Thank you also LiliBee, Daria, and bloom-ing! And Annie and Iama for your responses. And every one else. I really love this blog!

I feel happy today. I feel proud of getting started on my to do list. Exercise – check! One load of clothes done – check! On to the the bathroom – that just feels unappealing and gross, oh well. Must be done!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:29am
769: Lizka says:

Thanks Siren Angel. We definitely should go out soon. I think you are working from home now? Let me know when you are downtown, we could go happy hour. Would love to see you

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:29am
770: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee,

When we catch up I will talk to you about my energy healer. He as removed all the ‘stuck yucky energy’ from this week’s triggering here that caused me to cry so much. I felt instantly better, the pain and heaviness in my eyes vanished, taller and more straight and upright and confident. A new calmness and surrender to sirenety.

Big hugs, my thoughts are with you this weekend.
(((Lilibee)))

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:34am
771: Siren Angel says:

Lizka,

Yes, I work from home but I travel downtown 2 to 3 days a week so we could easily catch up for lunch or drinks.

xx

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:35am
772: Femininewoman says:

http://margaretmlynch.com/foundation-power-quick/

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:37am
773: MissStix says:

Oh I love this!!

I wanted so bad for my one man to turn me jelly because I felt so much fear at my lack of trust in me. But urg, it just doesn’t happen super often anymore. I feel very comfy after nearly 2 years. And then I started longing for jelly feelings. Oh cycle of longing and distrust. Where would these things get me? I imagined myself hoppin’ lover to lover. Overlapping LTR’s. Shudder.

And I had that big briwnish yellow word right in front of my eyes. Cheater.

Nope. Not possible.

And i’m still organizing this fruit salad of thoughts and feelings. But I see a pretty firm conclusion. If I am not to become that girl I must find a way to feel a helluva lot more open and delicious and in control. Juicy

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:38am
774: LiliBee says:

…and for the urinary tract issue, the book says
“It is now time for me to accept the responsability for my own life. I choose to move forward, I let myself be reborn to myself, independantly from present and past relationships. I greet myself with softness. I let my creativity express itself. I thereby live my life with my heart instead of constantly being in my head.”

When a same physical symptom reappears, it indicates that there is a new level of the same issue that is ready to be healed.

I sat there for 1.5 hours draining my bladder, reading the book, pondering, feeling.
I now feel unstuck.
I feel open to the present moment.
I feel all my thoughts and feelings flowing at lightning speed.
I feel incredible motivation, boy energy to get things done to take care of me.
I actually feel effortless enjoyment at doing what I had forcefully planned for myself last night.

I no longer feel the tight ball in my chest sucking in all the energy.
I feel my chest open and spreading outwards radiating energy.

What a productive morning!
I feel peaceful and calm.

I did it FW! I walked myself through the dark tunnel…I see the beautifully coloured fall treecovered mountain.
I’m soaking in the peaceful calm.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:44am
775: LiliBee says:

770:

SA,

I am really looking forward to hearing all about your experience with the healer.
I found our spot for our Tuesday gettogether, I’ll text it to you soon.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:49am
776: Goddess Lily says:

764 – FW,

I experimented with staying in feminine energy even when he started to go there. It seemed to work. He likes talking (way more than me which is difficult) and fashion and shopping. He works at a massage place and they practice on each other sometimes, he just got a facial the other day. He wants me to initiate sex half the time. While that may be “fair,” it’s not what I want to HAVE to do. It makes me feel uncomfortable but for some reason only with him. I wouldn’t have any trouble with that with DA. He took me shopping for clothes once (first time I’d ever had a guy do that. he was doing that because I’d been so patient with his busy schedule) but then he told me I could do the same for him too.

I do want to keep ProfCD in rotation though. He makes for a good date. I just don’t think I want to have all dates end like last night.

And I gotta get a rotation going.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:50am
777: Miss Bells says:

I am feeling very frustrated. I have used the tools with HS. I am very sure he has a strong emotional connection to me. Before he started to pull back (mostly sexually) we had a hot connection as far as sex goes, so I know that the “in love” thing was true for him at one point, and I don’t belief that goes away if it was ever there.

BUT–he is now in the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” mode. And yet he still kisses me, slaps my ass, flirts. Then he says “just friends” but everyone including him knows that this is bullshit.

He also has continued to contact women, both trailer-girl (very cooled down, but still…) and on Match.
And yet he keeps calling me, still treats me like the quasi wife. He also has all these things he wants me to do for him–publish the book–promote the band…
This week, after some tender moments over the weekend and on Monday–he was very aggressive about finally publishing the book. So I told him I needed him to look at some templates for the cover. He was supposed to come to my “new” place. But he cancelled. In pain from leg, too tired.

I told him that was ok–we needed to do it at his/our house anyhow, because one of the formatters only runs on PC which he has. I was supposed to go up Wednesday. He called and said that he wasn’t up for that–he would bring the laptop down.

At first I agreed. Then told him no–there are no good places to sit in my office yet–and this is a collaboration–there has to be seating for two. I asked if he were still feeling crappy–commiserated, then said to call me when he wanted to do the formatting.

Friday he emailed me to ask me how to fix the biz printer. I replied that this too was a hands-on job. That if he would pick me up and feed me, I would fix it.
Nothing back.
I texted–Is yr printer fixed?
“not yet”
“i can’t fix it remotely. Heading out to club”
“have fun”
“k”

I got back at 11 PM–he had been on Match with-in an hour. Still no invitation for this weekend for me.

Rori talks about emotional connection created by sharing FMs. We have that. We are very close. We have a good homelife when he allows it, and a good sex life when he allows it. I am getting the idea that with some men–the tools work opposite. The can’t HANDLE the closeness and that is WHY they create distance. A commitment phobic man.

I have been through all kinds of scenarios, NVs–maybe trailer-girl is really back and that is why he doesn’t want me to come there… Or–I sacred him off by saying I have lots of friends–what I need is a lover–but I couldn’t stand being shut out again after. That I could be 20 miles away and not be shut out–or sitting in a chair next to him completely shut out. That was Monday. At the time, he kissed me and nodded his head. But right after that the “can’t quite get it together to see you” thing started.

He is 63 years old, and I am 56. We have been doing this dance for 5 years.

In spite of it all, I still love him and would like things to move forward. That is why I feel so frustrated.
Rori wrote to someone as an answer that men take about 8 weeks to REALLY miss you.
And I am still THERE half the time.

This is what I want feedback on–Once again–do I take my stuff completely out of his house, change my mailing address, and give him back the keys?
Some have suggested that that might feel like a slap in the face to him.

But what about how I feel? In limbo?
And how will he miss me enough for real action if he still kinda “has” me?

On the other hand–I don’t really know what is going on in his head–and asking him straight out will not produce a truthful answer. Besides–asking and explaining are leaning forward.

And I feel comforted knowing that I have the keys, and that he is still creating big blocks of time with me.
If I wait–he will absolutely call, pick me up, feed me, spend the weekend with me… all of the usual stuff.
Which is not enough for me, not really.

I am trying to craft a speech for when it is time to talk.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 8:57am
778: Laughing Goddess says:

(((Miss Bells)))

You’re story reminds me so much of my last two relationships before the one I am currently in. Very,very similar dynamics.

My recommendation would be to move all of your stuff out and wrap up the loose ends of your work together.

Like I said, I was in a very similar situation which is what first brought me to Rori. I didn’t really apply to tools and then got into another similar situation but that one wasn’t nearly as dramatic, painful, and didn’t last as long. It wasn’t until I really switched my whole frame of reference up that I was able to open myself up to the relationship I have now, which feels real, solid. There are no questions as to our relationship, what we are.

And now I look back at those two guys and wonder what I saw in them. They are great people but so not the romantic match for me.

Really wishing you the best. I truly believe that with as many contacts as you have and as outgoing as you are, the right man will show up as soon as you unravel your energy that is tied up with HS. And who knows, he might be the man that shows up but I truly think he will have to see what he is missing first.

(((Miss Bells)))

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:22am
779: Femininewoman says:

Goddess Lily you could agree with him that yes you could do it for him but let him know it does not feel romantic to you. I wonder if you have talked through what a relationship looks like for him and what it would look like for you. I could be that you are not a good match but with the history you have together, I believe if nothing else, you could build your communication skills and your opening up with a man. It might be easier to do with the familiar than with a stranger.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:29am
780: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi ladies! I have such a busy day today but felt so much resonance with Miss Bells story that I had to comment. I wish I had more time to stay and chat!

I love reading all these updates, so much inspiring stuff!!!
I started to mention a bunch of names but then deleted then because inevitably someone is left out and that always feels bad, so I’ll just say hugs to all of you and I hope you have a great day.

I just had a craving for cinnamon toast. Gonna go feed myself now.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:30am
781: Femininewoman says:

Miss Bells taking into consideration his age I imagine that his hormones are also changing or fluctuating so he might not always be up to the physical part of the relation. You say you have emotional connection but I wonder if he agrees in his heart that this connection is two way. It is my belief that as men get older they want that special connection, however with the way this relationship as you describe it has been, there might be something missing for him.

I believe you know what you want and by half-way moving out, accepting quasi-wife/business associate status helping him with his projects I don’t see where you are showing him with your actions that you can’t live like this. Maybe he just does not want to the relationship thing with you anymore. Maybe he is going through midlife crisis. I dunno but you hanging on by a thread by leaving things in his house hoping he will change in my humble is obviously a flailing convincing strategy that he is not yet buying. It seems that me that accepting that things might be over, letting go by moving out all your stuff and living your life might be the best way to either inspire him or allow another man to come into your life. It seems to me that you are dissatisfied with being in limbo and might even be wanting him to totally kick you out but I am sure he does not want to be the bad guy. Standing in the gap won’t necessary block out another OW. If you are sure you want more and there are men out there that might want you, you could at least stop trying to make things work and choose a total no contact, at least for a while. Unless I have missed it, total walk away is the one thing I have not read that you tried. Him being all over you does not seem to be helping him to decide what he wants.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:42am
782: Miss Bells says:

@778
Yes–there are actions I see I should take–but I don’t want to.
We were fairly solid–seemed to be moving forward but stalled.
The money thing got in the way–I was broke and he couldn’t see why–couldn’t see that my late husband’s sickness had left me destitute in the beginning of an economic depression. That I had the gumption to get back up again–that I would soon get a moderate inheritance that would make it all a moot point.
He was really pissed when I sold the car that he co-signed for me. But he wasn’t willing to help. All of this happened several years ago.
Now–I have that moderate inheritance and a new car (as soon as it is out of the shop.)
His behavior is TRULY confusing.
I can tell when a man is really interested in just friendship and this ain’t it. He treats me like a wife, (except for the sex at this point) and he admits himself that this is true.
And yet–the pulling back–the lack of a true explicit commitment–the acting out with other women…
Yes- I feel very confused. And, worse yet I think he means me to–it keeps me where he wants me. Close but not too close.
So– I am sad. But see no other way to regain my peace of mind.
Every time I have REALLY left before (twice before this–2009 and 2011) he has come after me.
The most dangerous moment is when this happens. Both times before, I went back without sealing the deal.
So now I need to have words to say to him about finishing the move. There are about 50 boxes, including the whole kitchen, that are still in his house.
Also two bookcases, two easy chairs, one office chair, and a bedside table.
Basically I just took the essentials and left everything up there as it was.
Do I move it all at once–or ooze my way out, only talking about it at the end when only a truckload is left?
I need a few things right now but don’t feel comfortable inviting myself to get them, even though I still have the keys.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:44am
783: Femininewoman says:

This is what I want feedback on–Once again–do I take my stuff completely out of his house, change my mailing address, and give him back the keys?
Some have suggested that that might feel like a slap in the face to him.

I would say yes. When he reaches out to talk or date I would just share that I want a family life. I would leave out wanting commitment with him. Just be descriptive as possible without trying to make him understand you want him.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:46am
784: LiliBee says:

772:

Thank You Thank You Thank You FW!!!

for this ML link!

Tapping with Margaret was what brushed away my resistance to learning back in February.
I kept all my favourites.
I realize how my resistence was strong enough not to reach for them.
Anyway, I put this 1 right at the top of my screen in my Favorites bar where it is visible, quick & easy to reach for.

Something immediately came to mind when she suggested to imagine walking into a room full of people.
I saw myself in all those parties I’ve been to over the summer with D.
I saw & felt the ‘holding back’ at the 1st few parties.
I saw & felt how I gradually came out of my shell, reached out to warmly to people and connected more and more with them.
I saw & felt my resistence in wanting to step back from these parties & people & pull D back with me to force ‘intimacy’.
My excuses were “I feel overwhelmed from being with so many people all the time, I feel dizzy from the running around to go somewhere, I need more intimacy and romance.”
I resisted from fear of what I wanted was eluding me.
It was quite the opposite in reality:
Now I look back and see what tremendous growth opportunity these parties and people were offering me.
The opportunity to learn to connect with warm accepting loving people…real cd’ing.
As I was opening up, warming up to them, these people greeted my warmth & attention with open arms.

I’m getting a slight feeling of regret missing out on fully absorbing it when I was ‘there’.
I’m seeing & feeling the self inflicting punishment of resisting to what is.

I love the feeling of ‘self punishment’ coz it wakes me up to reality.
I love how openhearted and openminded I am capable of being to allow those awakenings.

I love ME

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:49am
785: LoveAlways says:

((((((((((((Miss Bells)))))))))))

777 “This is what I want feedback on–Once again–do I take my stuff completely out of his house, change my mailing address, and give him back the keys?”

I feel so much reading your post. I’ve been there Miss Bells. Here is what worked . . .

LEAN BACK.

Don’t do anything towards him. For now, leave your stuff there and hold on to the keys. (I would change the address). Don’t call him, and if you are busy doing something for yourself, don’t respond or answer his calls immediately.

You need to time for your Miss Bells. Do things to make you happy. I think Rori calls it a channeling list to where it is something you like that you can do immediately after riffing.

I think riffing is in targeting Mr. Right. It is also in commitment blueprint (Sea tools).

What you need right now is to get into Modern Siren. Find your time for yourself and indulge yourself. Focus on yourself, pamper yourself. TAKE THE FOCUS OFF OF HIM, and put it on YOU.

This is process where YOU matter, not the outcome of this situation or even your relationship. I know this is not what you want to hear right now, but it is the way into brighter days for you. Once you feel this, you will see him turn around – like the 7 steps in Rori’s commitment blueprint.

I believe the 8 weeks is the time to work on you, (he turns around in that time because it becomes apparent he is going to lose you because you’ve taken the focus off of him and put it on yourself, which gets the attention of other men).

I know this is jumbled, but I felt so much remembering what it felt like to go through this and my heart and strength are with you. You are in the right place, this blog is a beautiful place for this kind of journey. The sirens here really really helped me out in the worst of my moments.

Namaste

LoveAlways

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:52am
786: siren song says:

Hey sirens!

It’s been a while. I felt the need to take some time off from the blog and dating in general following my breakup with guy who loves me.

I’ve done a lot of healing this summer and rediscovering of myself. I was super-sucked into guy who love me’s life, but once I faced the fact that we had a serious addiction and some real anger issues, I felt released. I did have to heal my heart and I’ve been working hard at giving myself and my heart what it needs to recover.

A month after we broke up he moved in with a woman he met at a party who supplies him with drugs, and the house we were renovating together is still sitting empty 5 months later, down the street from where I am living. He keeps telling our mutual friends that he loves me and his new girlfriend is ‘crazy’. I feel confused and gross about the whole situation, but so grateful to be out of it.

I have let him go completely and had to block his email and phone numbers because as he was moving into this new woman’s house, he would call and text me abusive messages. In a strange way it helped me to close the door on him permanently.

I’m cding a few guys now. Everything’s very light and gentle and I have no expectations.

Anyhow, I’m just checking in because I’ve missed you all. Love to all you sirens.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:56am
787: Miss Bells says:

#781
The connection is two way–on the emotional level.
What he is missing is that I am not a 45 year old anymore–and that is what he is chasing. It has not a thing to do with me or us or our connection–it is his ego and chasing lost youth. We have that connection you describe– that is what he runs from. That is why i used the word commitment phobic. I don’t use it lightly. But when a man who is 63 and NEVER been married, only child, parents gone, no kids, acts like he does with me–coming VERY close then putting up barriers–rinse –repeat–Then I think the word may be justified.

I have walked away completely, with no contact–twice–and each time he chased me down.

He will not “kick me out”. No–is was his aggressively stated idea that I leave my stuff there. He was pissed that I moved, even after what happened this summer with trailer girl. He is the one who used the word “wife” though he won’t marry me.

And now he is calling all the time, and asking me to be there, but when I get too close he backs off.

Nothing ever actually happens with the 40 something Match girls. They are too young for him, but that doesn’t make it much easier for me.

In spite of all of this–he still adds to my life. and I am sad that I (once again) have to be the one with the boundaries.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:56am
788: Laughing Goddess says:

Miss Bells:

***Do I move it all at once–or ooze my way out, only talking about it at the end when only a truckload is left?***

Personally, I wouldn’t worry about ‘the talk’. I’m sure he knows exactly what your reasons are for leaving.

As far as getting it all at once or oozing out…which would be best for you? Would it feel good to have all of your things with you at your beautiful new place? It sounds like it would really simplify your life to just get it all out at once.

I don’t think that moving out is going to hurt anything between the two of you. I think it can only help at this point.

He might need to really miss you before he realizes what he has.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 9:58am
789: Miss Bells says:

#785
That feels like it will work. I could retrieve the few things I really need without upsetting the status quo at his/our house.
And–me keeping the keys is a message from him.
But–I don’t want my check going to him in the mail. And changing the address is something that “doesn’t show”.
I do know how to pull my energy out–just didn’t want to have to…But I see that it is truly necessary so I will.
I have modern siren, and will replay it.
The trick will be knowing. when he shows up, whether it is just his anxiety talking or he really wants to hit the reset button. If he is truly a commitmentphobe, he will just push away agin in a little while.
I don’t want to feel like a fool.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:03am
790: LiliBee says:

777:

Miss Bells,

I don’t give my 2 cents much here mostly out of fear of triggering other sirens and to not distract myself from my own stuff.

I feel compelled to share what I feel reading your post.
I feel alot of masculine energy buzzing out of you.
This masculine energy comes from being in your head thinking about what to do.
Thinking and doing is maculine.

I suggest feeling your way through the dark tunnel as FW often reminds me.

Yesterday, I felt stuck energy being too much in my head trying to think of a speech.

Last night I felt myself through my dark tunnel, and awoke this morning feeling inspired to continue..and it happened faster & faster.
I now feel unstuck and liberated.
I now feel confident I will know exactly what to do.

My speech is running through my mind often, and every time it does, I can feel it get less and less controlling, less and less blamey, more and more leaned back, more and more about ‘being’ and expressing the true me.

I believe the right thing to do will come naturally and effortlessly once we surrender to feeling our feelings and letting our energy flows.

Please feel free to draw your own opinion of what I wrote.
I accept that your path is your own.
I accept leaving you your power to draw your path as you feel right for you.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:08am
791: Femininewoman says:

I would defintely rock the boat LoveAlways and Miss Bells. He is a man he knows it takes work to get a woman. Especially if the dating thing is not working for him. Why would I want it to be easy with me when it is difficult with other women?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:14am
792: LiliBee says:

I feel delighted to see you again Siren Song

I have missed your lovely soft presence.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:24am
793: Miss Bells says:

#777
Yeah-I have a speech in my head. And I would never use the word commitment phobic to him. I just want to know it this is true. I don’t think every man I break up with is a commitment phobe. Most just weren’t my match. But this behavior is different. If it is true I don’t want to make him wrong. Just protect myself.
And if it isn’t true–I would like to know how we get to happily ever after.
But I haven’t done anything yet. Except find the place 20 miles away and move a few boxes.
Six months of just sitting–waiting.
I try and generally succeed in being in the present moment.
The last time I had to leave completely I started a single over 50 MeetUp that now has 300 members, and I am the organizer. I didn’t step down when we got back together last November.
I met a very nice man at the most recent event of that group and he is calling me. Last night I met a very nice man, a neighbor on my new town, at the club. He bought a cheese platter to share, and when I said I was leaving, he called my number on his phone “so he could text and see if I got home OK.” Which he did.
Tomorrow I go to an outdoor classical performance at our new world class symphony with 30 other people.
But–my heart hurts.
I want to say something about this hurting heart to HS but I don’t know how. And he hasn’t called me.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:25am
794: LiliBee says:

Miss Bells,

When you feel yourself through the dark feelings tunnel, when you get to the end to the outside, you can see what makes you feel good…you then know what to do that will make you feel good…that’s when it feels gentle & soft to be doing what feels right for you.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:27am
795: siren song says:

Missed you too lilibee!!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:28am
796: Femininewoman says:

Six months of just sitting–waiting

I have seen Rori say this is the most unattractive, uninspiring thing to a man.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:34am
797: LiliBee says:

While channel surfing, I stumble on the movie “Castaway” with Tom Hanks.
Powerful movie for me.
How he made it through the loneliness, keeping faith and hope alive as it wanted to dwindle…no matter how far out of reach it seemed to be.
Now he’s back to his beloved siren.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:34am
798: Femininewoman says:

I missed you too siren song. I thought of you maybe around Thursday. Something had come up that reminded me of you.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:35am
799: MS says:

I feel really inspired by Lizka’s story and I’m so glad she wrote it (both the story and the telling so brilliant!) Like Lizka, I only started looking at this blog a few months ago when my relationship was not going the way I wanted. I have learned so much about looking after myself and leaning back. I so wanted my relationship with G to work because it was wonderful at first, almost too good to be true, but when things started to change I began overfunctioning, feeling bad that his work situation was crumbling and tried to make his time with me easy for him while ignoring my own needs and wants. Then when I learned about feeling messages, I delivered my speech on what I want / don’t want and he asked for time as he was planning a trip to his parents anyway. We haven’t really got back together again properly – last time we spoke he was trying to keep me hanging on and still not commiting but I feel deep down he’s not in the right place for a relationship, and now I’m not sure I want to go back. It’s taken about 3 months for me to feel strong again, I really feel like I went through a grieving process trying to make sense of why he would tell me he wants to be with me and then not be in contact. I haven’t tried circular dating yet, it doesn’t come naturally to me as I haven’t had that many relationships but I can see the role its played with Lizka getting herself back and I feel inspired to give it a go now. Like I read in one of Rori’s newsletters, keep all options open. I guess meeting G and going through this experience was a way to finding Rori’s tools and this blog, both of which have helped me so much particularly when I felt like I was grieving for a relationship which I now feel was imaginary. Thank you Lizka, Rori and sirens for helping me when I needed you. I hope one day I will have a success story to tell too.
MS

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:36am
800: Miss Bells says:

If all he did was pull away–I would understand it. I would have been gone forever-years ago.
If I left and he didn’t come after me–I would understand and move on.
But–why does he do something so heinous, like this summer with trailer-girl, and then seem surprised/hurt when *I* pull away-by moving?
Why does he keep calling me–spending time with me (his idea), taking me out, socializing as a couple, finding jobs for me that involve lots of interaction… on and on. I don’t understand. My head hurts.
My head hurts.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:36am
801: Femininewoman says:

Maybe sitting with the hurting heart. Really feeling it, embracing it and accepting it might be what you really need now. Putting out all this energy towads him and clinging on to a thread because some material stuff are still at his place will keep the connection going. Him being pissed about you moving is just as far as I am concerned his way of showing that he feels he owns you though he is offering nothing. I would even let go of the thought that he is commitment phobic. It shows an attachment to an agenda with him. I believe all your energies are right now best spent on you.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:41am
802: Miss Bells says:

#796
I was waiting for my inheritance to settle, waiting for my car, waiting for all kinds of things.
And watching him to see what his behavior would be.
What he perceived was not waiting. I never discussed it with him. Except the waiting for the money. We both cursed the evil lawyer together. He said he wished he could dig my father up so he could kill him again (on my behalf) Believe it or not–that is a very loving protective thing to say to me.
I am still waiting for the car. A month in the shop, always going to be ready at the end of the week…
I am observing because I don’t want to act without all the information I need. But this causes a form of paralysis.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:42am
803: Femininewoman says:

Miss Bells those actions tell me that he does not see it as heinous. He does not want to be the bad guy but maybe in his mind he does not have romance with you. It was a convenient arrangement that he had to put no effort into. Having a warm body at night, a satisfying companionship and a sweet woman to cook for him and share his troubles with. Like it or not he might be just seeing you as a “friend”. Men believe they can have sex with friends.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:44am
804: Femininewoman says:

MS I believe you already have a success story. You seemed to have found yourself and found love for yourself. I am sure you will be sharing your success story soon.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:47am
805: LiliBee says:

800:

Ms Bells,

I you don’t mind my perspective:

My head was hurting too when I was too much in it.
All your ‘why’s and ‘trying to understand’ is being in your head provoking more resistence.
Surrender to what is and get into your heart to feel.
That’s how I liberated myself from feeling stuck.
My head and my body feel much better now.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:48am
806: Daria says:

Yay Lizka i feel all soft and flowy reading that

and excited

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:54am
807: Miss Bells says:

#803
No–we have not been sleeping together for a long time. No warm body.
I am actually very difficult for him (as he says. frequently.) In his mind–he had to put too much effort in. He supported me on day to day things for three years. He remodeled the house because I made some negative comments about the kitchen and insulation.
He has moved all my stuff four times–twice out–twice in.
When he is set in the ON position he is unmistakably romantic. He just doesn’t stay there.

He just is ambivalent. Has been for a long time.
Sometimes he wants a romance sometimes he doesn’t.
He saw this summer’s episode as being heinous enough to lie about and when I confronted him he was SO guilty. He said he felt like he was cheating on his wife.
Everyone in our circle still think we are together because he won’t tell them any different.

The reason he dropped Trailer-girl is that she insisted he “get rid of” me. He dropped her instead.

No–this is NOT an imaginary relationship. It is a troubled relationship.

In his mind–I am not easy at all.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:54am
808: siren song says:

Aw thanks FW. Feels so good to be back.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 10:57am
809: Miss Bells says:

That being said–the love he is offering right now is NOT ENOUGH for me.
I want the whole pie.
What he offers is more than crumbs but stops far short of a pie.
Maybe a medium sized piece when the whole pie is 10 times bigger than that.
NOT ENOUGH.
But–telling a man what is offering is not good enough seems like a bad way to go.
Maybe–saying thank you for the positive as it arises, but then walk away in search of the whole pie–without putting down what he has offered.
In time he may see that what he is offering is not enough to keep me around. And step it up.
If not–the more time that passes with him not always here–the more I find my feet. The time fills up with new people and things.
This may be less painful–for me.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:02am
810: Miss Bells says:

As for the book–I really want to get it done. It has been a real plum for me–and could open a door to other prestigious assignments.
But he blew off two time slots to work on it last week.
When he asks I will say–”it would feel so good to get the book published, but last week is when I had availability. Now it will be a couple of weeks before I can fit you in again. How about Sunday October 14th? or Thursday the 18th?”
Come to think of it–that might work in the personal side as well.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:10am
811: Radlove says:

I talked to the new CD on the phone, and he was all about the distance. Oh, 100 miles is a long way. Well, give me a call if you’re ever in the area.

I didn’t even bother with feeling messages. After I traveled 3 hours each way to see K every week for 7 years straight, I don’t even want to hear it.

I only want a man who is going to step up and, yeah, go the distance.

On the bright side, R called me around 2 am and talked for a straight hour! Very rare! And also very rare, he did most of the talking! He was very encouraging, since I have been feeling very discouraged about life as a whole. He really helped! And he’s going to help me pack and move, too!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:20am
812: Radlove says:

Miss Bells,

809 – Good for you! That’s right, just say no. No is the choice we have, when we don’t like the crumbs a man is offering.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:21am
813: T-Girl says:

Turq, trust me as a woman in my late 40′s, your best sex ever is yet to come:)

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:28am
814: MS says:

Femininewoman
Thank you, it means a lot to have your encouragement.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:29am
815: Femininewoman says:

YW MS. Sometimes when we step back a bit it is easier to see the forest from the trees.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:42am
816: MissStix says:

Feeling very perky today and yarrrrrgh! Like a pirate though not like angry arrgh more like…Yarggggh matey. lol and giggly.

Hmmm the man I love keeps just offering and offering and showering me with these offers of gifts! Lingerie and dinner and cake and yum yummy! And ohhhh yes how I do feel good receiving now but lets get real! We are trying to lay building blocks for the future so all these gifts seem quite wasteful to me. hmmmm so how does that feel? Well the way it came out of my mouth to his ears was this:

Oh wow! Oh…baby it feels so good to be showered with affection like this.You are already doing so much though and I appreciate what you’re doing so much! I don’t need more.

I said this at the offer to shop for lacey things. mmmm He know how I love lace and he loves it too. But what I am receiving is the boots I got yesterday, a homemade dinner of spinache ricotta cannelloni, cake, and a night on the town. Probably just him and me but if his roomie comes back from out of town today he may come too…

And that’s another story!! How will I feel with just me and those two? hehehe Juicy!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:42am
817: Femininewoman says:

T-Girl that feels so good to read.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:42am
818: Femininewoman says:

MissStix sounds like a really sireny birthday so far. Birthdays feel so glitteringly exciting when the men adores the women.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 11:45am
819: MissStix says:

Yes femininewoman it is! I feel sireny!

Feel sireny, be sireny.

I discovered something too. The more I receive the more I get to give and still feel back leaning juicy girlie!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:02pm
820: Rebecca says:

Okay, so the man I liked read my message and hasn’t got back to me…

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:04pm
821: Femininewoman says:

Even if you’re finding yourself stuck in your relationship – even if he’s actually pulling AWAY from you – you can shift the whole thing just by doing what Gina did – open up your heart and your real feelings so your man can CONNECT with you.

Let him feel your WARMTH instead of the cold anger and resentment we ALL feel when we’re kept on hold and at arm’s length from a man we truly care for.

Let him feel your willingness to SHARE your feelings WITH him – so he can feel more trust in you and open up HIS feelings more.

If you’ve tried, you know that ASKING a man to “open up” never works.

The only thing that works is leading by example-YOU have to open up FIRST.

So… Start now – this minute -

1. Ask yourself “What do I feel?” Then…

2. Say it OUT LOUD to the room, if you can, or to the mirror in the bathroom if you’re out in public.

3. Say – “I feel shaky,” or “I feel sad,” or I feel happy just looking at that flower over there.”

4. Practice, as Gina did, doing Feeling Messages with everyone, everywhere you go, and it will become natural to you in days.

And then be sure to let me know how it works with your man.

I know you’ll experience something magical happen, and you’ll feel him come a little closer.

Keep leaning back, opening your heart, and loving yourself, and know I’m right here for you.

Love, Rori

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:12pm
822: Brandylion says:

I just changed my headline on PoF. The guy who back in August told me, “I prefer you to shut the hell up. Just kidding” and then blew up at me when I told him I didn’t like being spoken to like that just sent me a message saying, “Ya screwed it up ya dummy.”

And it hurts. I did nothing wrong in asserting my boundaries.

I blocked him, though. Too bad I didn’t think of it sooner, like when I deleted our message thread. I wish I could feel sorry for him for being so small and awful instead of just feeling sorry for myself.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:12pm
823: MissStix says:

Oh ick. Sitting in one of those moments where it all falls to the floor. Some moments, like this moment I feel so exhausted and kind of exasperated. Like I am bearing some weight on my shoulders or something and it’s all just too too much. I have thoughts like…Is receiving supposed to feel so heavy and like wow! It’s so weird how these feelings come up when it is all so so good. ((((me)))) I feel goupy like blurb.

Is this the sludge toxic waste of the “I don’t deserve any of this” thoughts I have been processing for what feels like aaaaaages and eons and lifetimes and lightning fast flash! Here I am.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:14pm
824: Femininewoman says:

“In my Rori Raye philosophy – the thing you and a man should BOTH have most in common is a deep, abiding, total love for YOU!

So, this is the clear first step to getting him to commit – to love yourself MORE than you love him!”

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:14pm
825: Femininewoman says:

I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself
I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself
I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself
I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself
I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself
I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:17pm
826: MissStix says:

And I think yeah I do deserve it! cuz I “put in my time” as an emotionally battered woman. But ewwwww that feels really gross to think because it’s like, oh you have to be beaten down before you deserve good things coming your way. And no. I don’t believe that at all!! Nope. Just not true. And that feels refreshing like oh yes every woman is a goddess and deserves good things good feelings good lovin!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:26pm
827: Daria says:

(((Brandylion)))

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:27pm
828: Jilly says:

Lilibee…..

Ok here it is…

So back in October through December…had just recently dated two men on opposites sides of the spectrum..(with the same name!!!) ha (and I had reconnected with hot pilot)! Well…I didn’t feel supported by hot pilot, Mr. UA made a date and cancelled last minute, I expressed that I felt sad about that…I never heard from him again…bleh!! Then the next guy ended up going through my stuff while I was sleeping…do you remember?? If not that’s ok

So I kept lining guys up to go out with and my two friends kept saying…we have someone for you to meet. I was like “ok” since I was open to everyone.

He ended up being in town that weekend (beginning of Feb) so it was a last minute set up. I had to call and cancel with a guy. We decided to all go to a hockey game.

They came to pick me up and within 3 minutes of getting in the car we connected big time. Then the night just kept getting better and better. I LOVED the way he touched me and then he started kissing me..and it felt like heaven!! No awkwardness at all.

Then they suggested going back to their house (my two friends) I said no. I knew what would happen ha! So they dropped me off, he walked me to my door and asked me out for the next night…

The next night I questioned a bit but by the time the evening was over I felt so peaceful being with him.

And that’s how it’s been ever since. Except I have had my moments of anxiety, like around that time of the month when he would be gone for work and we couldn’t talk, wondering if his feelings would change. But as soon as we talked I would feel better instantly. Now I feel more secure and feel less and less anxiety.

It really does feel good 99% of time without even trying. Who knew that you could have it all, the emotional connection and the physical and the spiritual!!

There is so much to say!! lol

He loves when I share my feelings, he doesn’t know why he responds so openly with me and he usually keeps his heart from getting too close. He’s actually said that before.

Three months into us dating I had surgery and I thought I would just have my mom take care of me, but he offered and I allowed myself to be totally vulnerable with him and it felt wonderful. I fell even more in love.

Then we went on a few vacations together over the summer and I always feel taken care of. There is no tension on who should pay, or do what. It just feels so good. (This is what I’ve always wanted)

My lease on my appt was coming up and he was looking to buy a house, we talked moving in together. I expressed that as long as we are moving towards marriage I feel good about it. And I feel that we are. We talk about having kids and he thinks I will be the best mom and our kids will be amazing. Awww…

So we’ve moved in together and it all still feels so good.

He just called to say he’s on his way home. He asked me what I wanted for lunch…I expressed I wanted something healthy..and he says “Me too baby” I want what you want. I feel soft, melty and happy.

K he’s home… gotta run

Thanks for letting me share

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:31pm
829: Tam says:

What a lovely day it has been. I feel so happy, everyone I see is in a good mood, lots of nice and attractive men and women…the 5 second stare here need only last for 1 second and you’re practically CDing….sooo easy!!
Now I suddenly feel mean and doubtful about how I have been behaving though. Rori says to treat all CD’s the same. I just realised that I have given MrP the unfair disadvantage…I have told all my other CD’s when I was coming, exact date – except him. I suddenly realised this and not sure why I did that.
The thing is, I just really don’t feel like leaning forward with him at all….so I won’t.
Hm.
Perhaps it is ok to give him a little disadvantage…since we already had a go at dating and the others are new….and haven’t had all the fun with me yet…ha!!
ok, now I feel better..

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:32pm
830: Daria says:

some more unschooling list q’s addressed that are helping me with my parenting myself… and also connecting w people… maybe shifting the belief that being generous will lead to me falling into a codependent role. i would love to shift that , i feel so dragged down by the thoughts. im getting confused between ‘not helping men unasked’ and ‘wanting to be there for my friends to help them with things i know and they dont, and where i also have had help…,” without emasculating them… i feel confused… this Felt good to me so i know its helping in some way… im just feeling confused that is all… these two concepts will easily separate i know as i trust them (((((Daria))))

“These are such classic parenting “truisms” I’m not going to bother quoting the source. Please read all “you” statements as general, rather than specific:

>I have a hard time with just handing money to my children for no reason what so ever on a regular basis. I feel it teaches….
***************

The trouble with focusing on teaching is that it ignores what and how people really learn. There’s a grand parenting myth that in order for children to learn what’s right and good, you have to be stern and strong, put your foot down, make them work for it, make them prove they’re worthy. The marvelous thing about unschooling is you get to see that none of that is really true. You actually Can be sweet and kind and generous and gracious to your kids without “teaching” them to be rotten little monsters who don’t give a crap about anyone but themselves. I’ll repeat the important part of that:

It’s Okay to Be Nice to your Children! It won’t ruin them for life.

>>just handing money to my children for no reason

Generosity is a reason and a darned good one. Kids don’t become “spoiled” by an abundance of generosity, they grow bitter when attention and care are replaced with things.

>>I also do not pay them to do the regular chores around the house … as a family we all have to contribute to things.
*****************

Why did you have children? If it was to make more workers for your family economy, then your philosophy is perfectly consistent and reasonable (and this is why unschooling doesn’t work in some environments – if children are necessary to the financial solvency of a community it is not possible to unschool).

But if you have the luxury of valuing your children other reasons – for their love of life, their fascination with the world, their personalities and uniqueness, then they are already contributing to your family and your life. You don’t Have To make them earn anything else – they’ve already succeeded in enriching your world.

Probably, you’re thinking in terms of teaching, though, and getting stuck there. It seems reasonable that you have to teach children to be good workers, because they don’t start out that way… except that’s not the case. They Do start out motivated and well able to learn what they need… until teaching sabotages their learning, interrupting what they care to learn until mindless, silly tasks are accomplished. Over time, without being taught or required to “contribute” kids do discover the value of some of those mindless, silly tasks and start to take them on – they Voluntarily begin to help. That’s a consistent finding across families that don’t require “contributions” but are open to them. Openness matters, for sure! Homes where kids are not Permitted to contribute are different matters – and those are often the homes people point to when they say: see these kids weren’t made to help and they’re helpless. They weren’t “not made” they were “not allowed”.

> I guess for me it is important for my children to know that money is earned
****************

But it isn’t always earned – and certainly money is not always earned in proportion to work. People receive money from trusts, insurance, investments, inheritance, spouses, grants, and gifts. And there are people who work for no money or very little compared to what they do.

There’s no correlation between making kids sing for their supper and a strong work ethic. The laziest, most money-grubbing people I’ve met were raised doing work for their parents and taught that money had to be earned. Some of the most generous people I’ve met were raised with no expectations they “contribute to the family”. Which isn’t to say that chores will necessarily ruin your kids – teaching isn’t learning no matter how you slice it. What kids learn from parental expectations is personal – some will learn they are valued as good workers, others will learn that work sucks and it’s better to bilk the system for every penny.

>>and that it is not easy always

This is another fantastically huge parenting myth: that it’s somehow possible for kids to learn that life is easy and they can have anything they want. There is not a shred of reality in that myth. Really, you could bend over backwards saying yes to everything all day long and kids would still run into a hundred roadblocks, frustrations and disappointments. The sun will go down no matter how hard you wish otherwise. It rains on picnics. Squirrels eat the tulips, the deer fail to show up not matter how long you wait, and the hummingbirds eventually fly off until next year. People get tired and are uncooperative. Bodies change and old things no longer fit. Beloved toys and blankets wear out and fall apart. Life is so full of hardship and disaster that parents don’t need to add a single “no” for kids to figure that out… usually by age 2. It’s that obvious.

And – and! it’s impossible to say yes even to all the things which are theoretically possible. Parents aren’t always as capable, creative, and have enough energy for everything (although we’re often better than we think, especially with practice!). Parents aren’t perfect – they’re human beings! And that’s really fine because so are children. Never, every worry that a child will grow up thinking life is easy.

One of the fascinating aspects of radical unschooling is getting to see the biggest parenting “have tos” proved wrong. You don’t have to be stern and hard for their benefit, you don’t have to teach them life is hard, you don’t have to teach them the benefit of work – you don’t have to teach anything at all. You can live with them as friends – you the more together, capable friend who is graciously offering your resources to your less informed, less capable friend who needs a lot of help for awhile. What a great friend to be! What a great friend to have! I didn’t get that good of a friend as a child, so I’m finding it a special honor to get to be one. It’s marvelous.

>I also think that it is so important to learn to wait for something.

Delayed gratification is one of the many things adults think comes from teaching which is actually developmental – and like anything developmental that means some people learn it much sooner than others, based on unique qualities. When kids are required to wait too often and for too long, some of them learn to be resigned, some to be resentful, some that they aren’t worthy, some that when they grow up it will be their turn to make Others wait. A lot of that will have to do with personality.

What you can do is set kids up to succeed and don’t make them wait for things unnecessarily when you can avoid it and help kids wait gracefully – either by helping them find a distraction or commiserating gently and supporting their emotions. Which one is more appropriate will depend on the child and situation.

>>My point is that in general my kids know that money just buys things and we really do not need all those things to survive and be happy!
*****************

Yes, kids can learn things like that even in conventional parenting situations, if parents are generous and engaged in other ways. Being generous and engaged are the big things – and that’s good to know if you’re daunted by these crazy radical ideas that kids can learn grace and thoughtfulness and responsibility without being taught.

> As with any situation, I think talking, talking, talking with your children and really with them and not at them is the most important tool to helping them see where you are coming from.
***************

This is a piece of advice that works so well for some families and is utterly disastrous for others. What Is important is creating an environment where communication is open and flows both ways, but how that happens Rarely involves lots of talking. When it does, it’s a personality thing.

A big part of what makes communication work is actually stepping back from trying to get someone else to see your point of view and considering theirs – and that’s all the more important when “they” are children. There is development to consider and the innate power differential between a parent and a child. So it is all the more important that parents can see a child’s perspective if they want to open up the lines of communication.

>>> I use to be a clean fanatic and I would say to my kids”our house is a disaster?” and my oldest would always say “mom, we do not see it the same as you?” that is when I realized that I was dramatic and they were ‘blind’!!! So we talked a lot about what and why I needed certain things in order and I also learned to let go of a few things …. and we all live more pleasantly now!
**************

That’s a good example of one of the ways communication can flow – notice it starts with mom paying attention to what a child has to say and modifying her standards to fit the needs and perceptions of her kids. Examples like this are important because they put all this la-la-la theory into perspective.

—Meredith”

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:36pm
831: Goddess Lily says:

((((Brandylion))))

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:37pm
832: Daria says:

its ok for me to have lots of money and help and ask for help ALL THE TIME!

it will NOT make me ‘spoiled’ /dependent/ addicted

only if im ‘not allowed’ to do it on my own will that happen

sigh ah

this feels like wading thru deep water for me

i love you Daria!

tahnk you for wading through deep water for me!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:40pm
833: forest siren says:

Hhhhmmmm lots of triggering things but I don’t want my dog in no fights so I’ll keep it about me ….

Lizka I feel sooooo happy for you!

Radlove I feel triggered by your continuing to love Starla despite her rejecting you because I do this. I turn the other cheek, I love in spite of, I take the higher road and you know what it pisses me off never mind others. So thanks you guys for showing me that.

Sometimes I think people are Rori plants deliberately triggering us!

I was meat free for seventeen years last week I ate a practically raw steak it was sooooo good. My therapist thinks I am not eating enough protein and that’s what is causing the headaches. So I’m trying to change that and eat more salmon and beans.

I have some things going on. Lionman is being awesome and I can see so clearly how I don’t want to rock the boat when things are so good. I get that this destroys attraction. Oh I pray for courage to rock the boat! I am good so good at sharing the positive feeling messages but it’s harder for the negative or icky ones cos I don’t really feel them right there in the moment I kindof shut down and feel them later.

Oh but kudos to me I am doing really well on leaning back and not advising or over functioning.

Yesterday he asked me to do something for him some gardening. I’m really good at green fingers stuff. He wants to pay me but I don’t know something feels off about it. He could easily get someone else to do it and pay them. I don’t want to accept money from him for it feels bad and I don’t really want to barter with him ie can you build a stone wall for me in return but maybe that’s the way to go?

What is a siren like thing to do?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 12:51pm
834: Turquoise says:

Thank you T-girl and FW! The feels awesome to hear, and to see my limiting belief. I have plenty of time, no rush, it will all come together!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:05pm
835: LiliBee says:

828:

Jilly,

I really appreciate the time you took out of your busy schedule to share your story.

I recall reading about the beginning of your relationship here on the blog over last winter.

I feel so hopeful.

Yours & Lizka’s success stories came at the right time for me to open up to the possibilities and be ready to receive it with open arms.

I feel blessed to have found all of you sirens.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:05pm
836: Femininewoman says:

I don’t know forest siren because he asked. I just read something about switching hats. Maybe you could put on the partner hat and help with the gardening. Then later consciously focus on putting on the lover hat by spending some time breathing in and visualizing yourself in a garden of flowers like a siren goddess. In other words consciously choosing the roles and see how you feel, as an experiment. I wonder how it would affect the energy between you two if you shared this was what you were doing. Conscious loving. What do you think

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:09pm
837: Tam says:

forest siren, that’s awesome news!!
what do you feel like doing?
would you like to do the gardening? Or is it a chore??
If I was in your situation, I would only go for that if it was something I really loved…hmmm about the money….again, maybe depends how many hours you’d be putting into it.
It’s difficult. You could keep it as a business thing entirely, or as a friendly thing…
Actually, I’d be interested what the other Sirens’ opinion is on that.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:11pm
838: MissStix says:

Forrest siren

When I read your post I thought to myself “oh I had that same hang up a while ago” and I felt reflective. And I realize now…I just hadn’t mastered the negative feeling message yet. And it does come with time! But it just felt sticky and yuck and downer at the time. Like-I don’t wanna! I just wanted to stay with the positive. And I think that’s ok because as long as the awareness is there it just takes time and dedication to the process.

And when I read “what’s the sireny thing to do?” I felt a lurch and thought, i’m not gonna go there. Because the sireny thing isn’t necessarily what happens or what you do but how you do it. And hummmm now I want to say simply:

It’s the difference between,

Ok i’ll garden but I want you to build a wall…

and

Oh yes I love gardening! Sounds fun! But hmmm I think it might feel better to have you do something in return instead of pay me…Whatcha think?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:13pm
839: forest siren says:

Thank you ladies for your feedback. I have mixed feelings because a lot of the helping I did before contributed to our problems ie the romance took second place to the business stuff and I actively working on shutting down tht stuff but gardening and planting and making clothes etc all falls into what I consider my feminine creative as opposed to my masc creative which is the production work I do …. I think FW your suggestion of doing it consciously is a really good idea and sinking into it in a feminine way plus it’s something he won’t be doing so it doesn’t feel like I would emasculate him. However another problem we had was him taking me for granted hence him offering to pay I would prefer he build me a stone wall which I can’t do myself! I know Daria had some suggestions for ms bells around exactly this type of thing …

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:18pm
840: forest siren says:

Great stix thanks! Got it and yes I love gardening I love feeling all the plants nodding and waving their little heads to me and it would be so much fun if you would build me this beautiful stone wall and leave money out of the equation which feels unromantic to me

Hmmmm can money be romantic to me? Maybe the missing bit I’m sorry money! I’ve always said I don’t care about you! Awwww no wonder you are not in my life! I’m war,ing up to you! Maybe I can love you passionately! You are not poetry and music and oils and plants but I’ll try to love you more!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:24pm
841: Tam says:

Oh dear. Why do I feel like a meanie? I have already spoken to two CD’s….and feel a little guilty for not telling MrP that I am here, am I playing games? He asked, like one gazillion times…and even offered to get me from the airport and I just evaded everything…whilst telling everybody else.
Why do I feel bad? Actually, I feel angry at feeling bad because if he wants to see me, he can make an effort and pick up the phone…righto!!
He’s a man who goes to great lengths to get what he wants, if he wants something. Ok. Good.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:27pm
842: LiliBee says:

With my resistance gone, I reread this post from Rori.
I feel open to letting go.
I’m enjoying this me time.
Holding the open space, shifting from hoping to believing.
Getting ready to receive it.
I am embracing this time to reconnect with myself.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:27pm
843: MissStix says:

Mmm very nice forest siren!

I can even see that now!

Oh wow! Money! Thank you so much for this. Yum! I got to do something I love and receive some money too! To buy something I need or love!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:29pm
844: LiliBee says:

841:

Tam,

This rings a bell in me:

“He’s a man who goes to great lengths to get what he wants, if he wants something. Ok. Good.”

The man for me will use his determination and resolve to claim me bc I inspire him to, not bc I controllingly convinced and manipulated him to.

He is the man who is coming to me.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:33pm
845: forest siren says:

Lol stix great! I feel like an epiphany! Like when Rori says to be open to boring or nice men! Money is ugh responsibility it’s not freedom and art and wuthering heights and the moors and Cathy and heathcliff …. Ok money time for a do over with you too!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:34pm
846: LoveAlways says:

842: LiliBee says:

“With my resistance gone, I reread this post from Rori.
I feel open to letting go.
I’m enjoying this me time.
Holding the open space, shifting from hoping to believing.
Getting ready to receive it.
I am embracing this time to reconnect with myself.”

Siren lady, this is absolutely beautiful!!!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:40pm
847: forest siren says:

Tam welcome to the us of a. I dont it seems a little provocative to me to not tell him could you say it in fm if he asks you why you didn’t tell him?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
848: forest siren says:

Siren angel I hope you are having a yummy weekend with your m. I look forward to a weekend like that soon.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:44pm
849: Tam says:

844..Lilibee, exactly my motto…but I don’t know if giving him a disadvantage over the others was not unconscious game playing on my part. To ‘test’ him. That would feel bad.
But in balance, no, I believe he can make effort if he wants something, so if he isn’t making an effort he doesn’t want to see me. So that’s cool, I have plenty of others and don’t need to fret

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:45pm
850: LoveAlways says:

Jilly 828

“He just called to say he’s on his way home. He asked me what I wanted for lunch…I expressed I wanted something healthy..and he says “Me too baby” I want what you want. I feel soft, melty and happy.

K he’s home… gotta run

Thanks for letting me share ”

OMG Jilly, I’m so happy for you!!!!! I feel your serenity!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:45pm
851: Daria says:

yay blog feels inspiring!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:46pm
852: Daria says:

Jilly your romance feels fun and lovely!

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:47pm
853: Tam says:

847…I know forest siren….the reason for that I don’t even remember..I think I decided I wasn’t going to tell him the exact date when I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to see him again…thought it was best to let sleeping dogs lie. Now I feel mean, because he did ask sooo many times…but that also means if he really wants to know he can ask one more time…

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:47pm
854: Femininewoman says:

Was it Pat Allen who suggested that gardening is feminine energy? I know I read it somewhere. I know it can be therapeutic and be used to just relax and release the days tensions.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:48pm
855: LiliBee says:

Speaking of money:

I never owned my wish for nice things, or a nice car, or a nice cozy house.
It felt distant out of my reach.
The whole experience with seeing D go out of his way to get his dad his dream car, and feeling the pride eminating from his dad driving the car like he feels worthy of his dream car.
It made me see clearly my trigger of D working so hard to have a nice car.
It made me feel OK with having nice things.
It made me accept the part of myself that wants nice things.
It made accept being worthy of nice things.

It triggered me into getting ready to receive the house of my dreams and be living in it.

This latest relationship event triggers me into getting ready to receive the relationship of my dreams and be living with it.

I believe as Abraham Hicks says “The Universe is all making it happen as it should.”

I feel so moved at this thought.
I feel warmth radiating from the middle of my chest.
I feel teary eyed at how I feel right now.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:49pm
856: Tam says:

in feeling messages, I would say that I felt nervous and unsure…pfff, not sure I have a fm reason..eek

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:49pm
857: Tam says:

Jeez, I suddenly feel like leaning forward, but no, that wouldn’t be a good idea…nono.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:51pm
858: Femininewoman says:

Tam it seems to me that you are focussed on him.
In not telling him though you suggested you did not want to be sucked back in, was there an agenda to test him?

Do you believe if you really sink into your body you will feel a longing for his energy? What would that feel like or maybe what void would it fill?

I would bring all this back to me to see if there is something about myself I am missing.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:52pm
859: Femininewoman says:

What would it feel like living in that dream house?

Living out your dreams?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:54pm
860: LiliBee says:

855:

Oh, and a $5 bill fell on the floor as I was putting clothes in the dryer, and I found $10 I had forgotten in my coat pocket.

Abundance is already there.
It will fall in front of me, or I will come accross it when I quit holding it in longing.

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:54pm
861: Tam says:

858 FW thanks for that..that’s put me back on my horse. Guess yes, I felt afraid of getting sucked back in and therefore wanted to leave ‘well alone’ unless he really made an effort…
So yep. No focussing now. No leaning forward. Even if it wasn’t fair, it’s done. Past. Now is a new day.
Going out with my friends tonight…

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:55pm
862: Femininewoman says:

Oooops just saw 849

Sorry Tam

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:55pm
863: Femininewoman says:

It would be great to get clear on yourself now though because you definitely felt like leaning forward. What was happening? How did your hands feel? How was your internal energy flowing? Was anything building up behind your head, your neck? Can you identify any intense energy anywhere inside?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:57pm
864: Femininewoman says:

Is there any fear of abandonment?

Saturday, 29 September 2012 @ 1:58pm
865: Annie says:

Rori Says.

I’d encourage you to date a lot of men, including him, and sleep with NONE of them until you meet someone who wants what you want – or this man gets commitment-ready. Love, Rori

I love this Rori. Although I feel a bit sad as

Have The Relationship You Want

Surrender To Now

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