The Addict, The Monster, The Little Girl And The Goddess…Where Are You Now?

10-6-woman-in-fieldHere’s a great post from inside our Rori Raye community, from Diana:

Okay so here is where I am at, not sure how to post about this, but what I am looking for someone out there to relate and if you are been there and have moved your Goddess to the #1 space I would appreciate your advice. So here it is.. ME

Who is running my LIFE in order?: The addict, the monster, the little girl and the goddess..AND I wonder why I am NOT happy.. hmmm

THE ADDICT

If you met me, you would never know, I may look like a normal girl but I am an addict.. not for pleasure but to temporarily relieve the pain and emptiness in my soul.

My addict looks and acts just like a homeless dog, she has no home, she just runs from person to person, try to get some attention, some love, some food, she just wants to belong, but no one wants her because she is desperate and needy.

Sure sometimes people feed it, but usually it’s the people that want something from her. My addict only knows how to be used, so I draw in and attract to people who can do what they wish with me and could careless, better known as takers.

The addict settles for this because it knows every once in awhile it may get pet or fed, but disappointment and loneliness sets in when it realizes the food and attention given wasn’t out of love but out of a need the taker has to get or out of simple convenience.

Oh sure, my addict self can hold out for a long time before it needs a fix, I am use to digesting my food slowly not knowing where my next fill is going to come from. I am use to fending for attention patiently knowing that it will have to come sooner or later, so I wait.

While I am waiting I wonder what’s so wrong with me, I don’t understand why I am so hard to love and want, I try and I try to get just a little fill, I shout from the inside: “Just look at me and smile” and “Just touch me in a loving way” and sometimes my efforts work but most of the time I feel empty much longer than I feel full, yet I still hope that the next person will be different, that they will see that I am lovable and loyal, that I would make a great pet.

Ironically I pick the same owners with different names, Yup that’s right, that’s what they are, my owners. I have given complete power of myself to them, If they beat me, I wonder what I did wrong or analyze how I can be different so they won’t get mad or reject me.

It’s sad you see and that’s why I reject her as well, all of us do. So she never gets love…ever.. but she doesn’t give up.

I see now that all she really wants is to give me love, acceptance and attention, she wants me to belong, she wants me to have family.

She is not to blame, she just doesn’t know how else to get it for me, the fact that she has never given up on me shows you her heart – its time I loved her enough to show her she’s not alone and nothing is wrong with her.

THE MONSTER

This bitch is no one’s friend, she doesn’t have any and believe me she doesn’t want any.

The Monster looks like something from the exorcist, she has cuts and wounds all over her and she likes them because they keep people away, she walks hunched over, she acts as if she has no fear of anyone or anything, in fact she is the one to fear.

When she looks at you her glare is so intense that it could cut glass. The monster is hard to even look at, she makes you feel uncomfortable just being in her presence, everything about her is ugly.

She likes to be left alone, she doesn’t want visitors, EVER!

She knows how to hate, in fact she hates everyone that makes her feel anything.

Her main goal in life is to be left ALONE and she will do everything in her power to make you go away.

She likes to hurt, she has an eye for an eye mentality and can’t wait to make someone pay if she’s pushed, that’s how she gets her fill, she wants to give people what they deserve, she is the ultimate judger with no conscience, she believes people get what they deserve and compassion is a joke to her, just leave her alone and she won’t mess with you, that’s her mentality. BACK OFF or else!

This girl is the one who has taken all my abuse, she knows what darkness is and she remembers every act of abuse against her.

She knows what people can be made of, because she has experienced it all too well first hand. I don’t let her out at all, I am scared of her and what she will do, she wants her own twisted version of justice so I feel as if I have to keep her locked up.

Since she is so powerful she comes out passive aggressively by controlling and pushes people away. She is how I learned to put up walls all around me so I can protect myself from others.

THE LITTLE GIRL

She is precious free and mischievous, she doesn’t understand why anyone would want anything bad to happen in this world and she doesn’t spend her time thinking about it.

She loves jumping on beds and exploring, she loves to hang out with other kids, she feels safe around them.

She doesn’t care much for adults, they are too serious and have too many rules for her taste.

Nothing is that big of a deal to her, she just wants to run around and have fun, she has long blonde hair and an innocent smile, she looks like she is always dancing, even when she’s standing still which you won’t find her doing too often.

She doesn’t understand the monster and the addict, why does life have to be so heavy, she never wants to grow up, she wants to stay free forever.

This girl is very special to me, she knows loves, she knows joy and she knows freedom. The rules of society and the responsibilities of like don’t allow her out much and she wishes she could run free more than I let her, I love her but don’t trust her because she is very naïve, she doesn’t understand life but she loves to live it.

She can easily be taken advantage of and I want to protect her, I don’t want to taint her perspective on life, I want her to see it as beautiful always.

THE GODDESS

She is incredible, everything attracts to her yet she is attached to nothing, not because she is not open but because she allows all things to flow in and out of her freely.

It’s not just how she looks that draws her to you, it’s everything, she is immersed in the beauty and things that feel good.

She doesn’t need to judge things that don’t meet her needs or obtain anything, she simple gravitates towards what feels good, which automatically pulls her away from what feels bad.

On the rare occasion that I can tap into this presence I feel light, I feel intense, I feel convicted, I feel passion.

Passion for life, Passion for love, passion for complete abandon of myself to the feeling of joy and freedom.

This girl is so hard to reach for me because as you can see she has so much standing in the way, this is who I want to rule me, this is who I put in charge.

To share this post:Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on TumblrDigg thisEmail this to someoneShare on Reddit

written by Permalink

132 Comments to “The Addict, The Monster, The Little Girl And The Goddess…Where Are You Now?”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    :)

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 6:58am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “she is attached to nothing”

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 6:59am

  3. 3: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    She is the Dalai Lama.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 7:08am

  4. 4: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Just read this on FB

    “Have you ever noticed that Rolls Royce and Bentley don’t have commercials?

    REASON: They know the value of their product brings customers to them.

    LESSON: When you know your value you don’t have to beg people to like you, to be your mate, to spend time with you or to love you. Be CONFIDENT in who you are. Everyone can’t afford the LUXURY of your friendship”.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 7:08am

  5. 5: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    What’s wrong with wanting a man..what’s wrong with being a flesh and blood woman who can fall in love and get her heart-broken…
    why this unwholesome, anti-feminine ideal?
    You realize you might need to become JYeesus or Thebuddha or Eckhart Tolle or Chopra to achieve that right?
    They are all men…

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 7:15am

  6. 6: redbutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    The addict part made me feel sad…like I wanted to cuddle that person right away.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 8:58am

  7. 7: CrisNo Gravatar says:

    Impressive post!!
    Of course I would like to be the Goddess but I can recognize a bit (or a lot) of these characters in me

    xoxoxo

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 9:20am

  8. 8: CrisNo Gravatar says:

    I could recognize the Addict unfortunately

    struggling to get rid of it

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 9:22am

  9. 9: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:

    ohh, this really resonates with me. I have been feeling like an addict big time lately. I am stuck in a spiral it seems because I am trying to work on a dissertation, which is so hard and draining, I work full time so I don’t have much free time, which I spend with my boyfriend. I want to flirt with other guys so I can continue to CD even though we are exclusive, but i’m never in a situation to get attention from anyone else! My closest friends have moved to other cities, so I just feel sooo hungry for attention all the time. I end up feeling really bad about myself.

    I got majorly triggered today because he told me he is planning an engagement party for our friends, when he did nothing for our one year anniversary, not even a card! And he didn’t have his act together for my birthday either. I am definitely in a dark hole. I know I am supposed to have compassion for myself, and love myself and all of that, but it’s just really hard right now.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 9:41am

  10. 10: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know why exactly, but I feel compassion towards the addict. When I notice the behaviours described as some of the things I’ve done or felt, I tell myself not to be afraid of the emptiness. But that’s scary, it’s like starting from scratch.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 10:16am

  11. 11: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Olympia)))

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 10:17am

  12. 12: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((((Olympia))))))))))))))))))

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 10:36am

  13. 13: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Heart: “What’s wrong with wanting a man..what’s wrong with being a flesh and blood woman who can fall in love and get her heart-broken…” – I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I think that’s me. I actually *know* that’s me. I’ve gotten my heart broken before (and not because I wasn’t good enough…simply because it was the wrong time and place for me) and if anything happened between J and I, I would have a broken heart again. That’s the risk of love…and there’s nothing wrong with it. I took a leap of faith with him and I don’t have to be anything special to have him in my life. I just have to be me…and trust me, I’m not a man and I’m not anything close to those people you mention. I’m just me. We can ALL have exactly what we want…and we don’t have to change ourselves to get it. :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 11:08am

  14. 14: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, that was a powerful and well written post. I’m not sure how I feel about it…. I’m wondering if it’s necessary to label all these sides of ourselves. If that is healthy… Does that bring you closer to another person? None of those sides discussed there… sound focused on relationships. Just keeping people away, preferring children to adults, and being alone. Even the goddess who doesn’t need anyone… no focus or talk about what she does have. That all sounds very lonely to me. I feel sad for her.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 12:39pm

  15. 15: MillieNo Gravatar says:

    I love this post!! I do believe I have many sides, they aren’t exactly the same as the writers though….
    “The Addict” is what I recognize most prominently in myself, but I’m learning to change. “The Monster” I do not see at all in myself….”The Little Girl” is there but I see her differently…it’s naivety and vulnerability, but also faith. “The Goddess” is there too! Yay…just need to work on allowing her to beat out “The Addict.”

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 12:58pm

  16. 16: MagnoliaNo Gravatar says:

    Olympia- I am in a similar situation where there are no dates and no celebrations around anything. Have you expressed yourself to him? Did you say how bad it feels to you to not have your anniversay or birthday celebrated? Did you express how good it would feel to you if these were celebrated. I have a very similar situation and have been coached to say it atleast three times. I really feel your situation.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 12:58pm

  17. 17: OliviaNo Gravatar says:

    I adore this, kudos to the author. This is an excellent mindfulness tool – in the moment, ask: which one of the archetypes is in charge of me? Love love love it.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 2:04pm

  18. 18: OliviaNo Gravatar says:

    But I must say I find it hard to buy that the author of such a mindful eloquent post is really run by the addict and monster. Sounds like she’s being a little hard on herself! Me being hard on myself, but with love, feels to me like a little girl monster or a goddess monster. It’s fun to think of the combos!

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 2:09pm

  19. 19: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    In Alchemical Hypnotherapy we study sub-personalities and then work with them in what is called “conference room”. This can be done in a session or as an inner practice. And all of have relational subs and self-oriented subs.
    I know I have about 25 of them that have names and functions. Sometimes when we say we want something but keep sabotaging it, it is a sub-personality (or maybe more than one) getting in the way and sabotaging our outer self. That is when the conference room is needed. The idea is to get complete buy-in from all the subs. Usually it means finding out why the sabotaging part is doing it, and giving them another job.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 2:42pm

  20. 20: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    In other news–our dear old cat stopped eating just before I was to leave on a long trip.
    About a week before I was to return it came out that he had lymphoma and was on his last legs. I asked that HS wait for me before doing anything. I knew Mr. Orange would wait for me.
    I got home Saturday and he seemed weak but was walking around. By bedtime he let out a howl, and I came and sat with him on the floor of the garage. HS was freaking out, but I said just sit with him and pet him, and talk to him. I sat while HS ran around, but he saw I was right just at the last and sat with us. As soon as I came to him Orange stopped howling. He died in my arms, and we buried him in the Kitty graveyard, then sat up and talked for a long time.
    I notice that HS is more into now. Maybe because he saw my center in a time of great sadness for us both. RIP Mr. Orange…

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 2:50pm

  21. 21: EpiphyllumNo Gravatar says:

    Love this post, thanks Rori for this great sharing of the information!

    THE GODDESS

    “She is incredible, everything attracts to her yet she is attached to nothing, not because she is not open but because she allows all things to flow in and out of her freely.

    It’s not just how she looks that draws her to you, it’s everything, she is immersed in the beauty and things that feel good.

    …..she simple gravitates towards what feels good, which automatically pulls her away from what feels bad.”

    The description of those hidden running force ( The addict, monster, little girl, Goddess) behind our life in the post, helps me to look into my inner-self, realizing the part of me ( Goddess) that was dormant and suppressed, has now gradually come through with growing and learning along the way of maturity !

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 4:49pm

  22. 22: ZiaNo Gravatar says:

    I can happily say that right now I seem to flicker between little girl and goddess…. and the monster and addict that I KNOW was front and centre at the start of the year has dissolved. I feel so good :)

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 5:04pm

  23. 23: Linda GNo Gravatar says:

    I guess we may each have all of these qualities at one time or another, popping up then subsiding

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 5:32pm

  24. 24: AmazedNo Gravatar says:

    I love being a Goddess – out of my head and into my heart… :)

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 5:59pm

  25. 25: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    What is wrong with not wanting A man? What if you just want wholeness with everyone? I do not feel happy when I focus on men, but when I am out and flirting and talking to men/people who approach I feel whole. I feel free when I do not want A man. I feel free when I am totally open without guilt. I feel happy when I do what I want. It is so empowering when a man is just a man and not this big ideal of completeness I have in my head. It feels liberating when I see men as men/humans; nothing less nothing more.

    This feeling is different from resentment because this is not the “I don’t need a man” attitude I used to have.

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 8:27pm

  26. 26: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    The Invitation

    It doesn’t interest me
    what you do for a living.
    I want to know
    what you ache for
    and if you dare to dream
    of meeting your heart’s longing.

    It doesn’t interest me
    how old you are.
    I want to know
    if you will risk
    looking like a fool
    for love
    for your dream
    for the adventure of being alive.

    It doesn’t interest me
    what planets are
    squaring your moon…
    I want to know
    if you have touched
    the centre of your own sorrow
    if you have been opened
    by life’s betrayals
    or have become shrivelled and closed
    from fear of further pain.

    I want to know
    if you can sit with pain
    mine or your own
    without moving to hide it
    or fade it
    or fix it.

    I want to know
    if you can be with joy
    mine or your own
    if you can dance with wildness
    and let the ecstasy fill you
    to the tips of your fingers and toes
    without cautioning us
    to be careful
    to be realistic
    to remember the limitations
    of being human.

    It doesn’t interest me
    if the story you are telling me
    is true.
    I want to know if you can
    disappoint another
    to be true to yourself.
    If you can bear
    the accusation of betrayal
    and not betray your own soul.
    If you can be faithless
    and therefore trustworthy.

    I want to know if you can see Beauty
    even when it is not pretty
    every day.
    And if you can source your own life
    from its presence.

    I want to know
    if you can live with failure
    yours and mine
    and still stand at the edge of the lake
    and shout to the silver of the full moon,
    “Yes.”

    It doesn’t interest me
    to know where you live
    or how much money you have.
    I want to know if you can get up
    after the night of grief and despair
    weary and bruised to the bone
    and do what needs to be done
    to feed the children.

    It doesn’t interest me
    who you know
    or how you came to be here.
    I want to know if you will stand
    in the centre of the fire
    with me
    and not shrink back.

    It doesn’t interest me
    where or what or with whom
    you have studied.
    I want to know
    what sustains you
    from the inside
    when all else falls away.

    I want to know
    if you can be alone
    with yourself
    and if you truly like
    the company you keep
    in the empty moments.

    By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming
    from the book The Invitation

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 8:42pm

  27. 27: Linda GNo Gravatar says:

    Love it, Luzydel. Thanks

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 9:23pm

  28. 28: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Aw,((( Miss Bells))),
    What a beautiful and also sad story about Mr. Orange. Such love though for a wonderful creature. Thanks for sharing and hoping you are in that centered space.

    I too had a kitty who waited for me as I wanted to be with him when he passed. Our dear pets allow us to learn so much about love and about letting go too!

    Yes, rest in peace Mr. Orange and all of our love bugs!

    Starbright

    Tuesday, 29 October 2013 @ 9:48pm

  29. 29: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – yes, love is a risk…thanks for writing all that…

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 8:18am

  30. 30: redbutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m kind of having a crappy day. My ex husband sent me two really nasty emails today because yesterday I dropped him as my insurance agent. We have been separated and divorced for over a year now with very minimal contact and I decided it was too awkward to have to communicate with him about insurance even though he is a good insurance agent. So I switched last night. Today I had two mean emails from him, one saying sarcastically that he spent more money sponsoring my daughter for a pageant than he ever made off of my policies and the other said that I was stupid for not letting him know ahead of time that I was dropping him. I felt sad that he had to drag my daughter into it. I don’t know why this is so upsetting to me, I should just ignore it and let it go but I am so thin skinned! I was hoping at some point we could be friends but I guess not. I have not responded to either email and don’t know if I should. I’m just feeling sad and upset right now. I shouldn’t because I have so much good in my life right now that I should concentrate on instead…

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 9:02am

  31. 31: redbutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs to you, Miss Bells. Your day sounds a lot worse than mine. :(

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 9:06am

  32. 32: jenniNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies… this is completely off topic but I wanted to post on the most recent article so my comment would be seen. I am completely lost and heartbroken, I don’t know where to turn. I just recently found out that my fiancé, a man I have been dating for 5 years, is interacting with women from craigslist and online dating sites. I found an email account I didn’t recognize on our internet history and found several emails he had sent to women under a fake name. I was completely freaked out and.. I know this is bad… I changed the password to the account so that I could see what other emails would come in.
    I confronted him about the account and he lied and said it was form a long time ago and he just got bored and sent a few emails out to see what would happen.
    Well, I went back to the account and did some digging found the dates it had been accessed (every single day for the past two months), how many emails had been sent (over 50), and I was also able to retrieve numerous email addresses.
    I confronted him about all of this again and he admitted to contacting numerous women and that he was already feeling bad and planned to delete the account. but he SWORE that was all that happened.
    I just didn’t feel like I was getting the truth so I reached out to all the women I had emails for and told them my situation in a calm, respectful way and I asked that if they felt like I needed to know anything that they could reach back out to me- otherwise they didn’t need to respond.
    Several women responded… all saying they had never met up with him in person but that sexual emails, pictures and phone calls were exchanged. One girl even forwarded me the emails where he had said he had ran out of minutes on his pre-paid phone.
    This sent me over the edge and I confronted him AGAIN and he finally admitted to having a second phone but that he “only txted one or two girls” and when I asked to see it he said he threw it away after I found out because he was angry at himself.
    I’m in WAY over my head here… I don’t know how to handle this situation. I can’t stand the secrets and the lying. I feel like he is only telling me the truth once I present him with evidence, so who knows what else has happened. I feel completely blindsided, we were in love and happy. We have a great relationship, we travel and do fun things together. He is so good to me… well I guess I thought he was.
    We are both young and attractive and educated. I don’t understand the craigslist thing… why not go out in person and cheat on me?
    I don’t know.. I just feel like I’m not getting the full extent of this issue and how deep his gone into it, how long its gone on. I don’t know whether its a problem he has that will never go away or whether its just him being a guy and pushing the boundaries on a “pornish” experience.
    He is absolutely devastated since I’ve confronted him… won’t come out of his bedroom and crying all the time saying he’s so down on himself and hates that he hurt me. He just keeps swearing none of it meant anything.
    What is going on here? Is he being genuine? Was he really never intending to physically interact with these women?
    The trust feels broken. I love him but I can’t understand any of this. I cannot live with continuing this relationship if 10 yrs down the road I will find something like this again.
    Any advice?

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 9:19am

  33. 33: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @Luzydel I love that poem… I really do… it is how I am and what I’m looking for. Thanks for reminding me about it..

    The post if beautiful and though I think that we all have different aspects of ourselves that can relate to them…. I feel that, if in a perfect world we’d all be Goddesses and though that isn’t necessary to have “true love”…

    I agree with Mercedes… b/c that is the reality we don’t need to change anything… and though at times I even get caught up in “what I need to change about me to get a man”…

    I was reading Rori’s newsletter just about the same time and what I’m wondering is, if a woman has a vibe about wanting more from a man, and he doesn’t feel safe, even if she is hiding it… then what I wonder does a mean feel from Us or “me” from the vibe “I need to change me” to be good enough…. I would suspect that he feels unsafe as well… maybe even that we are insecure or desperate in some way…

    Just jotting thy thoughts down.. pondering…

    OXOXO

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 9:22am

  34. 34: AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I did something today I have NEVER done before. Totally Rori-inspired.
    I told a guy (not a romantic interest, but still a guy!) during a facebook conversation something that made me feel really vulnerable. I’m of the age where everybody expects you to drink and go out all the time, and if you’re not super social you’re weird. To make it even better I have spent a lot of my time teaching myself that if I behave the way others do, that makes me a better person. The guy made a remark about how he “of course he knew I was going out this weekend, it’s the life of a student” *wink, wink* I told him that I actually feel uncomfortable about going out most of the time because I feel so empty and disconnected to people when I’m at bars and nightclubs. It doesn’t feel right, feels as if all I get to know are the masks people have on.
    I thought about writing that for a long time, because talking about stuff like that feels very private, and really vulnerable to throw it out there. I almost got panicked but I decided that if I can’t say something to a guy I’m not interested in, how am I ever going to learn to open myself to a guy I am interested in??
    I sent it.
    And then he read it and logged out.
    Omg. I felt so tempted to write something else, joke the whole thing away. I felt so panicy and angst-filled I regretted ever writing it. Then I took a long breath and said to myself “What would Rori do?” And then I realised that whatever that text made him think of me, that is his issue, not mine. I did something great for me. I shared a bit of me. I did not change myself for someone else (by continue with the joke, which I normally would have), instead I did something different.
    I still feel very weird, and not good at all, but still I feel a little lighter. But then again, perhaps I feel a bit happier now. It’s not on me to give people the responses they want and expect. It’s not on me. It’s on me to be me.

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 9:30am

  35. 35: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Angel – 33- What a great letter and well worded. I think you were amazing, and you are absolutely right that whatever his response or reaction is has nothing to do with you. It’s his stuff.

    And the more you put your REAL self out there, the more you will attract like minded and hearted people to you, men and women.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 9:44am

  36. 36: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    I love these archetypes too. Perhaps one that was left out is The Sex Kitten.

    Yesterday, I was a bit of The Monster at work. I hope I don’t get fired!!!

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 10:02am

  37. 37: IgnisNo Gravatar says:

    @Angel wow, feels so good to hear, I do that everyday, every minute now, and it does not feel weird anymore.

    and I remember when not so long ago @Dominique said something similar to me, about cutting the wrong people and attracting the right ones, and it felt so disappointing in a way, because I do not like loosing anyone, but I am back here maybe two weeks after and feeling totally bliss-ed out about everything :)

    suddenly i went from being intense and toxic addict to as my CD says “least intense girl he knew” and one men feel themselves with, that rocks!

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 10:06am

  38. 38: LMNo Gravatar says:

    I read this post when it was part of another thread and I loved it so much, I read it to my best friend and said, “this is ME! I can relate to this!” I’m doing a lot of work on myself and this post mirrors what I talk about in therapy sessions.

    The Addict makes me think of the scene in the Director’s Cut (maybe its in the cinema version, too) of “Eat, Pray, Love” where Julia Robert’s character is telling her lover how she feels like a junkie and he won’t even make love to her. I watched this with my boyfriend at the time (Difficult Man) and he looked at me and said, “Is that how you feel?” I was sobbing. I said goodbye to him 10
    Days ago. But this resonates with me. I want to nurture my little girl and encourage my monster to speak up and become a goddess. I can’t stand to repeat this cycle again!!!! I’d rather be alone.

    That was a great poem, too, by the way. (The Invitation) It sure gives me some clarity on the important hints versus the surface things such as career and financial standing. Beautifully said!

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 10:38am

  39. 39: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel – Thank you, I enjoyed the poem you had put up.

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 11:02am

  40. 40: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    I love the idea of non-verbal communication. Words often are not even necessary. I had something happen at work a few weeks ago. Was developing a crush on someone who had shown (non-verbal) interest in me. I started to feel really attracted to him. He and I were in a meeting and I was really nervous (he is very senior to me at work). I didn’t have to say a thing but he could tell I was attracted and nervous and he physically moved closer to me and even started stroking my pen! It was kinda wild.

    then yesterday on the shuttle, I noticed someone that I had seen before and thought was attractive. We had a whole “conversation” without saying a word. I smiled at him (very bold of me since I don’t normally to that with strangers but I was feeling like I just didn’t care yesterday). And he definitely noticed and kept looking back at me and then I at him. It felt like we were talking without speaking. It was kinda cool!

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 11:26am

  41. 41: LMNo Gravatar says:

    L.L.,

    What sexy energy! I wish I could feel like that, but right now, I feel so depressed and shut down, closed off to the world. I wonder if I will ever feel joy again… Your post inspires me!

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 11:35am

  42. 42: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks LM. I’m sure that you will feel joy again… just give yourself time to heal and work through whatever it is you are dealing with. I know for me after the breakup at the beginning of the year, it took the better part of this year to start to feel happy again. And its def intermittent but I’m feeling it more and more as time goes on. So have faith, it will get better! :)

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 12:08pm

  43. 43: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    uh oh, yikes, I have a feeling I might have sex tomorrow night. He’s invited me over. I think I’m ready. It will be the first time since my ex. Actually we last had sex on New Year’s Eve and now I might (for the first time since that) on Halloween. So it will have been 10 months! Wow! What is it with these holidays??? hahahahaha!!!!

    I think I’m ready. I hope I don’t regret it.

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 2:16pm

  44. 44: Linda GNo Gravatar says:

    I guess Sex Kittens are festive, LL!

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 2:20pm

  45. 45: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    Linda G: :)

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 2:35pm

  46. 46: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    Angel – I love that you honoured yourself and expressed yourself like that – I wish I’d had the confidence to do that when I was at college – I feel inspired by you!

    I am a complete amalgamation of all of these archetypes all the time – I would say however that it is pretty much my little girl that runs the monster and although my little girl is all that playful stuff she’s also very anxious and afraid (not in the addict way) just of the world type of way

    I’ve felt quite good in myself the last couple of days – I had a weekend away with my mum which gave me lots to think about and I pulled my energy back up into a more sireny feeling place – during the weekend I realised how blergh I’d allowed myself to feel – we went boutiquey shopping in all these stores in Amsterdam and my mum was looking great and could afford beautiful things and I was feeling wan and frumpy and then we went to see Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks takes my breath away and then we went to an art exhibition and the philosophy was about not living in straight lines and live a life of colour…

    it all reminded me to take back control of my own life and begin to express myself more joyfully and beautifully again and I have and it’s felt good = right now pretty Goddessy :) :)

    Both our men (my mum’s and mine) had cooked us dinner for when we landed – yay! me and my mum xxx

    Luzydell – I love that poem too

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 2:38pm

  47. 47: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    Actually I don’t know if I will or I won’t. I’m just going to play it by ear and see how I feel about it.

    Sophie, Steve Nicks????!!!!! OMG, you are so lucky!!!!

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 3:19pm

  48. 48: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @Liquid Light… yes it fascinates me also.. I do find it interesting that 85% of our communication is non-verbal anyways.. but when you take all verbal out… it can be fun! and sexy too… ;-)

    “C” called me at 11:09 last night.. funny how when I get into me and my stuff, I sometimes even forget about the men in my life… ( that feels good) they are just circle dates.. but still it tells me that I’m focusing on my life..

    I totally even forgot who it was really, I was tired and going to bed… I answered.. and I was taken back a little… I think he realized it was too late to call, said he’d fallen asleep and wanted to call me and talk about the trip… said he wanted it to be next weekend… Well I could feel the nervous energy come up in me immediately as I almost panicked …. so I could tell my vibe changed… I realized that wow next weekend… and I do my humorous stuff which is being kind of banter-ish… “are you ready for this?” in a cute way… some men get my humor and others don’t… He said I’d better be ready it’s next week… ( see “R” and I talked much more before he drove down so I felt easier about meeting him) but it was the whole jacuzzi thing.. b/c before we hung up he said, I’ll call tomorrow book the air line and call a hotel and get a room and make sure they have a jacuzzi… I realized that, NOW I’m scared… but instead of saying, I’m feeling nervous or scared… I start laughing… and then I said “hot tub” ( well b/c the hot tubs in hotels are public) and I realized that he most like will expect sex… which I wasn’t ignorant to the fact..

    Well too bad… it isn’t going to happen… and so sure enough this morning at 9am he called… I didn’t answer b/c my youngest is sick.. and I was doing breakfast for her and giving her medicine etc.. but his voice mail said, that he had to re-schedule coming down b/c of a big deal at work.. and would I consider coming up to him… and then he also said, can you send me more pictures of you via e-mail…

    Well it doesn’t take a brain scientist to figure this out… but I cried it out ( not b/c of an attachment to him but b/c I’m tired of this situation) and I called him this afternoon when I was free to talk.. so he said, well would you consider coming here, I said I’d love to come there and see your ……….. ( work) and I feel better about you coming here first… So he said OK then I’ll make plans to come see you later in the month…

    I told him I’m happy to share more photos of me with him ( but since he only has one on his profile which most likely isn’t recent) I ask if he would mind sharing some with me…

    and he said, I’m not very computer savvy… but I’ll try… that’s interesting… ???

    Oh well, I wasn’t attached to him, or anything.. and @Indigo said is sounded like a booty call… I agree anytime a man mentions something like that several times, they are communicating covertly… he wouldn’t have mentioned a jacuzzi many times… if there wasn’t a reason for it…

    Moving on…

    Next

    oxoxo

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 3:38pm

  49. 49: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @LM I don’t remember that part in E,P & L…. is it in the scene with her new lover towards the end?

    Humm I’m pondering that…

    so, I’m curious about your crying and your boyfriend “asking is that how you feel” …. I’m wondering if they notice it when we don’t…???

    I’m very curious now….

    I feel like an oddball, I feel unheard and I feel un-valuable… ( I make up words) today I felt vulnerable.. and I didn’t try and run from it…

    OXOXXO

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 3:45pm

  50. 50: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    D contacted me today (first time since Sunday), just to chat briefly and ask how I was. I noticed that since I have downgraded his importance and am just getting on with my life, how he was more interested in what I had to say :)

    Oh well. Work is a particularly sore spot at the moment. I know I need to leave. I work in a middle management position at a big hospital and it is unbelievably draining on my energy and personal resources. Too much is expected with little to no support. It’s so bad for a sensitive person. Also, I’m a big picture, creative person, and the obsession with detail and checklists is crushing. I’m so unhappy :( I’ve plans to study next year, but in the meantime I need to get out of here.

    I do love the fact that I’m getting so “into” my own life though.

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 4:21pm

  51. 51: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Sophie,

    Your trip sounds absolutely incredible! Just gorgeous!

    I am also so jealous that you got to see Fleetwood Mac perform! … Stevie Nicks is just the last word.

    xxx

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 4:23pm

  52. 52: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    ah Lisa – is C the man who was going to drive down and now he’s changing the plans? I’m not surprised you cried – I would have felt disrupted and unsettled and I don’t like those feelings – I want to send you some nurturing love specially as you’re caring for your poorly child I hope she’s better soon

    LL – I know!!! So lucky!!! It really was on my bucket list to see her live and it was worth it – I LOVE that woman when she sings she oozes such emotion and passion and powerful feminine energy…she for me is definitely magnetizing…

    Lisa – are you curious about whether they only notice when we actually cry?

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 4:32pm

  53. 53: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    I’m seriously considering it. I’m really attracted to him and I feel like I’m ready finally. But I don’t want to regret it. I do really like him but I think I can be detached too…hopefully. I just want to be close to someone like that again. I’m not sure he’s boyfriend material or not or if this is just about the huge attraction between us… I hope I’m not fooling myself about wanting that and being able to handle that if it ends up being just sex.

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 5:40pm

  54. 54: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @Sophie He is the one that was wanting to drive or fly down to see me but also ask me if I liked jacuzzi’s… and he is the one that ask if I could pick him up at the airport.. yes… or should he rent a car..

    I cried b/c it seems that I attract men that want sex.. and are trying to disguise it.. of course Marc Evan Katz says that all men want it, and some men might think that is what they want until they meet you and then have an emotional connection… so I’m trying not to take it personally… I know I have men tell me all the time that I’m a sensual woman.. they say they know it the minute the see me… uggg. But it backfires on me…

    Charles Orlando says that a beautiful, smart secure woman ( here is the paradox) attract insecure men b/c she isn’t confident in her personal power… I’d say I fall into that category….

    I felt the vulnerability today around speaking up and saying something… I do fine other times, but sometimes I feel very shaky about it…

    Like the other day when “G2″ called and said “I’d like to see where you live Lisa can I pick you up.”. I said, I don’t do that, I allow men to pick me up once I feel I know them better, does that work for you? He said yes. I want to say, “I feel curious about you wanting to know where I live”

    I’m not a doormat but I do find at certain times, I do act insecure even though I’m not … and I find that interesting… b/c it’s almost like I’m sabotaging things by acting insecure…

    I’m curious about if men can tell if we are an addict and that is why they don’t want to have sex… like on the movie… I’m very curious about that… I’m curious about her bf asking her if that is how she feels… ? I’d love to know from a man’s perspective what the feels like….

    XOXOX

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 6:46pm

  55. 55: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    I’d really like to know more about men… since I’ve watched Tony Robinson and him speak to a man that his wife was not wanting him to be in a band 2 nights a week. and how he turned that man around in 15mins… and then that man understood he’d been selfish and self absorbed… and that if he would go home and fill his woman up! to the top he’d notice a big difference in her or he’d know she wasn’t for him,,, and it worked.. she is now very happy, and they both are…totally happy now…

    After reading what Brad Pitt had happen with Angelina and him realizing it was a man’s job to fill his woman up… he had the same thing happen… she was down to 95 lbs… and very depressed… and then he woke up … started being her man… she started thriving…

    I just love those stories however, I haven’t a clue where to find men that can do that…be that, understand that…

    OXOXO

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 6:53pm

  56. 56: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @Sophie… love Stevie Nix… landslide… oh I love her voice.. Yay you!! <3

    @Indigo <3 {{{hugs}}} I know that feeling of draining and all at work… lots of love…

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 6:56pm

  57. 57: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I feel like I’ve come to a feast, so many things on here that I’m pondering on. Hello Sirens : )

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 11:14pm

  58. 58: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    Liquid Light – 39 – Wow and so hot what happened. And so gorgeous. Beautiful energy : )

    Sophie – 45 – Your Goddessy weekend sounds so good. Yay to you!

    Indigo – 49 – Hugs to you! Is there any chance of putting up things in your office in the meantime that remind you of what you’re passionate about? As comfort objects in a dreary place? Is it possible to take your middle management skills to a more creative field – an interior design company, etc. – where at least you’ll be surrounded by something a little more stimulating? I feel for you, I’ve experienced that soul-crushing feeling quite a few times.

    Lisa – 54 – I would love to see that: Tony Robinson turning a man around in 15min. How do I get to access that particular story? I really need to know these days that something like that is possible.

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 11:17pm

  59. 59: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sort of vacillating between feeling a certain strength inside me and feeling hopeless that I’ll even get to feel comfortable in a romantic moment. I don’t know why this is happening at the same time. It also seems that beliefs are starting to form in me (maybe that’s where the strength is coming from) – things like I’m not ashamed to want what I want, in fact there’ll be such passion and love about it that it’ll feel wonderful, I’ll feel alive.

    I had a nightmare with BM in it only he was one of those rockers that hurt the women that they supposedly love, they’re callous about it. I felt so powerless, so worthless, and he tried to cover that up with sexual advances and I remember thinking ‘I’m in the worst place right now’. I woke up feeling like my head was in a black fog. I’ll slow down a bit today.

    Last night I just felt such coldness, like the world just felt cold and my chances at a real loving and committed relationship seemed so bleak. I worried that I feel so easily, am so impressionable and yet how am I to be vulnerable otherwise? And believing and wanting and preparing and practicing for real love seems like the most radical thing I could do.

    I came across this poem by E.E. Cummings and am enthralled by the adoration expressed in it. I keep thinking to myself, Really? Really? Is this possible?

    if i have made, my lady, intricate
    imperfect various things chiefly which wrong
    your eyes (frailer than most deep dreams are frail)
    songs less firm than your body’s whitest song
    upon my mind – if I have failed to snare
    the glance too shy – if through my singing slips
    the very skillful strangeness of your smile
    the keen primeval silence of your hair

    – let the world say “his most wise music stole
    nothing from death” –
    you only will create
    (who are so perfectly alive) my shame:
    lady through whose profound and fragile lips
    the sweet small clumsy feet of April came

    into the ragged meadow of my soul.

    Wednesday, 30 October 2013 @ 11:20pm

  60. 60: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    49 Indigo – I completely understand that – I had to get out of the job I was doing at the beginning of this year too much work, too little support, completely exhausting and soul-destroying and I’m way sensitive and very creative too – this was one of the things for me with this weekend just gone … where is the place for me? Where I can work and express myself and use my talents…I have many but I do get burnt out very easily and it often feels that the way society is constructed right now work-wise just doesn’t work well for me…but work and fulfilling work is so important…

    I took a break with some money I’d saved and have been working freelance but I’m going to have to find a job (quickly!) to get the money in again and I don’t want to trap myself in the working to live thing – I want work where i can express myself and enjoy myself – this is a big, big thing for me right now…

    studying sounds exciting – do you know what?

    Lisa – does it make any difference if they are men not from the dating sites? If you just meet them out?

    Hi Veronica :) your post feels poetic and romantic and really feeling feeling I like that :)

    Lisa – I do notice that with CDB if I’m cross or upset and just expecting him to know why he doesn’t know why and it gets worse because he begins making up his own stories and getting defensive but when I manage to do the ‘telling him without making him wrong’ he generally does go ‘Oh! lightbulb moment! Yeah I get that! I’m sorry’….

    I do think he may be quite sensitive to feeling though…

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 4:32am

  61. 61: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Lisa @ 47 I had a similar experience as you…

    One of Rori’s teachings that has reallllly stuck with me is… “A man is NOT real unless he is standing right in front of you” …. so

    when I had a man that I was interacting with on a dating website about a year ago who would contact me, showing great interest and then disappear off my radar. I was CDing heavily and really did not give it much thought. One day after months, I heard from him again.. him saying he was still “quite single” and very interested in meeting. I agreed and set up a place, time and day. Then he said… I dont want to offend you but could you send a fully body pictures(clothed haha) of yourself? I did not have any and since I thought the pics you see out there of you taking a picture of yourself in the mirror was really untasteful… ( I did feel offended)… but I described my self and the size I wore etc. (I normally would not have but..decided to offer the information just to see what would happen)… then I asked him what waist size he wore? He sidestepped and did not answer my question, saying “I am sure you are fine”. (YOU BET I AM!!) Moments later…I discovered that he had blocked me LOL.

    Great learning experience for me and the whole “men are not real thing” REALLY helped me.

    What ever the guys hang ups are about coming… they are his issues and they have nothing to do with you or anything you did or did not say joke about etc.

    I can understand your crying because it feels like rejection, but it isnt. How can a man reject you that is not really real?

    Hugs

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 4:55am

  62. 62: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @Sophie Its different meeting them out and about b/c I know nothing about them from the start. If I meet them online I already know if they smoke, drink, their beliefs and if they want kids etc.. ( unless they are not telling the truth on the profile)

    @Sophie I don’t understand about the second statement?

    @ Linda Oh yes, I’m fine… it’s him and I think that when I ask him for photos he changed… but yeah, I get it… and it was the whole double standard thing – not so much rejection…

    OXOXO

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 5:35am

  63. 63: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    61 Lisa – yes maybe I was misunderstanding I was relating to your comments but I understood them to be about about how men’s behaviour can change when they understand that there is a problem or there’s something different they could be doing for the well-being of their women…

    Linda – that example is funny!

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 5:53am

  64. 64: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Re 60 – I love it Linda. We tell ourselves too many stories and give men too much power over us.

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 6:58am

  65. 65: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LL what does sex means to you?

    Does he know?

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 7:17am

  66. 66: SiranaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Everyone- I could really use your help! My husband wrote the email below regarding his feelings for me. It kills me. I don’t know what to do. The choices he is referring to have to do with past fights about family. We were both hurt. He doesn’t initiate hugs or kissing. He mentions growing with what we have left :( but at every small hiccup he discusses divorce. Please see his writing below:
    “I like our current life because its comfortable and friendly. We have romance and love, but no it does not hold a candle to the passion that I once felt. Choices were made and we just have to deal with them. That may mean this is the end of our relationship, or not. Maybe we just live with what we have left and grow on that.”

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 7:33am

  67. 67: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sirana his email suggests there is a lot going on. Would like to share some context?

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 7:35am

  68. 68: SiranaNo Gravatar says:

    He feels I chose my parents over him. My husband feels my dad was trying to be deceiving about something. I defended my dad. He has never forgiven me for not taking his side.

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 7:38am

  69. 69: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sirana – that is his experience. Do you argue with him to show him he is wrong, in trying to reconnect?

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 7:44am

  70. 70: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also, do you realize that you can contact one of Rori’s trainees for free coaching? Look to the right of the screen for the link.

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 7:45am

  71. 71: SiranaNo Gravatar says:

    I did argue for a long time. I think that is what did most of the damage. He is so conflicted. Sometimes saying he knows how good he has it and then other times saying we are just friends and he is here for the family. I feel tortured. I have so much love to give but I don’t feel like I can or should now as I would just be setting myself up for failure.

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 7:48am

  72. 72: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sirana I would say try to see things from his perspective. All the arguing have practically killed the romance for him. He obviously can have those feelings when that is happening. I also believe he feels incapable of making you happy as well as feel that you are not on his side.

    I do believe though that the divorce talk might be just a bluff. Maybe he thinks that is what you want.

    Have you considered agreeing with him when he says things are terrible? How is your “life” outside the marriage? What do you do to fill yourself up?

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 8:04am

  73. 73: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sirana – “I don’t feel like I can or should”

    The “should” part is a little troubling for me. Have you asked yourself why you love him? Why you married him? Why you are still in that marriage? Do you feel good enough about the relationship to want to stay?

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 8:08am

  74. 74: SiranaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – 71 -I think you nailed it. The arguing has killed the romance. We have really reduced the arguing to very little over the last 7 months but then it takes one small thing and he is right back to saying he wants out. I agree it is a bluff because he never leaves but in the moment he really does want it all to end. I also think you are right that he feels he can’t make me happy. How can I show him he does? And that I am on his side. I recently agreed things are bad and it did seem to loosen him up a bit but still we come back to this place over and over again..

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 8:18am

  75. 75: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Jenni – Welcome, and here’s my tough advice (after hugging you hard…) To me, there is NO relationship here. “Dating” a man for 5 years is just that. A man who wants marriage, commitment, family – gets married. He begs you to marry him. He is faithful, because that’s ALL he KNOWS. This kind of man who does NOT even know HOW to LIE (unlike the man you’re with) may seem boring to you at first – but that’s what you want to start with – a man who’s true blue and wants you. this is all about what YOU want.

    I thought your post and question and situation were so powerful, and I wrote so much back to you – I made it a post with my answer – look for it soon. Love, Rori

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 9:16am

  76. 76: SofieNo Gravatar says:

    dear Rori,
    There was a guy in my company of friends that was flirting me for months, but i wasn’t paying much attention to him. I was stuck with another person who didn’t want me..anyway..
    Recently, i thought to give him a chance cause he was so sweet with me. We went out twice (he was picking me up, paying for me, and generally treating me like a princess) and the third time we had sex in my place! amazing! He kept calling and contacting me the next couple of days (i had told me that i don;t feel good calling him) and we met again in my place, i told him i didn’t want sex this time cause i am getting attached and i don;t feel good about this, but anyway i couldn’t stick with my boundaries and we did it again and it was amazing. I used feeling messages during sex and we got connected.
    In the morning he asked me again why not, i told him i don;t know i feel scared somehow.
    Anyway, now its been 3 days and he didn’t sent me even one message to see what i am doing.
    I know that i should wait for sex but i somehow don’t feel bad about it.
    What i want to ask is, is it possible a guy to get bored of being the only one making moves and contacting? Is it possible to think that i don;t care? What should i do?
    Thank you! Love@

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 9:37am

  77. 77: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sirana – really take a look at what loosed him up. He might have experienced that as you respecting his opinion/respecting him. I would just drop the arguing and look for things to do to make me happy. Even in the home so that when things or he start to go down that dark rabbit hole, I don’t follow but go off to do those things that light me up inside.

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 9:54am

  78. 78: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    @veronica yes, it was very hot and totally on an energetic level. I could tell that he could really *feel* my attraction and it literally drew him to me. It was pretty hot and exciting. This man is my boss’s boss though so probably a very bad idea to get involved with him. And besides, he’s totally backed off since then, in fact I haven’t seen him once which is a bit odd. So maybe he’s realized that its not a good idea either.

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 10:34am

  79. 79: MillieNo Gravatar says:

    Looking forward to reading Rori’s post regarding Jenni’s situation. That sounds like a sticky one….

    So this guy “the mechanic” and I were really flirty the other night and so far I feel his physical attraction to me and that feels good. However, in texting he started teasing with me about my bust and how he thinks I wear a water bra..anyway it’s dumb, but at first I liked the banter. Then, the other night he all of a sudden says “you should come over sometime” of course we all know what that means…..and I’m not down with that. He’s also made some what I would consider “inappropriate” comments to me. He continued discussing my bust in multiple conversations. I didn’t feel uncomfortable, I just felt like “is this ALL this guy is thinking about” and I felt bored actually. I like him and want to get to know him, but I don’t want to be in this small conversation corral. So I told him I felt flattered that my bust was such a topic, but I’d prefer to change the subject now. I think he got the hint and did change the subject to something better. Anyways…I feel like I’m still sending the vibe that I want a hook-up! And I don’t know how to change that! I’m sexual and I flirt! I like how I am! My friend said I flirt TOO much and that I need to cut back on it. That this guy may thing “oh I can hit that” because of how I acted. I was intoxicated at the time…but that is no excuse. Going forward I do want to let this guy know that while I appreciate his sexual energy and mine also..I’m not looking to just hook-up with people. I feel like similar situations to this one happen to me a lot and I find myself feeling compelled to clarify with words what my vibe clearly is not communicating. This bothers me….any ideas?

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 1:14pm

  80. 80: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    *****Curious to know what kind of men use the Internet to find extramarital lovers, journalist Melanie Berliet posed as a wayward wife on the social-networking site Ashley Madison (tagline: “Life is short. Have an affair”). *****

    http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2009/08/ashley-madison200908

    xxx

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 1:37pm

  81. 81: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    ***** Anthony Weiner, Sexting, and CyberCheating *****
    http://dianekholoswysocki.wordpress.com/

    xxx

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 1:38pm

  82. 82: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    ***** 6 Common Reasons Men Cheat *****
    http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/dating-marriage/6-common-reasons-men-cheat-102063

    xxx

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 1:39pm

  83. 83: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    How do I respond to this:

    “I have decided not to meet this Sat. You seem to busy, and with your daughter I will never come first.. my whole life has been this way, and I want to be first.. I will know when somebody is interested.. its not you..

    maybe i will see you around one day… more naturally..”

    I could just respond with I feel weird…I understand

    or I could write this:

    “Ok!. I feel weird. I don’t know how you know that about me. I totally know what you mean about wanting to be first. Only you know what is best for you at this time.

    Actually I am very interested, in learning more about you and your experiences and your personal growth. your art etc.”

    and is that explaining?

    Hummm I don’t know what to say…??

    OXXO

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 2:06pm

  84. 84: Linda GNo Gravatar says:

    Lisa, I have gotten similar messages fom men. I don’t think it is even necessary to respond. If you must, just “ok” is fine

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 2:10pm

  85. 85: Linda GNo Gravatar says:

    It’s Rori’s “taking no for an answer”

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 2:11pm

  86. 86: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    Lisa

    “” I know what you mean. I, too will know when a man is sincerely interested in me. I will feel soft and beautiful in his presence. I will feel pampered and loved. He won’t let anything stop him from winning me and from adding to my light. His eagerness in courting my heart will make me feel number one. Then, I will know.

    May you feel love and peace.
    Lisa””

    xxx

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 3:41pm

  87. 87: EpiphyllumNo Gravatar says:

    Zara 79,80,81 –
    Very interesting articles! Thanks for sharing!

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 4:02pm

  88. 88: SyreenaNo Gravatar says:

    Lisa, just responding with an ok or ignoring is the way to go.

    Anything else is chasing and trying to change his mind.

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 4:46pm

  89. 89: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @ LindaG I know right! I was walking with my child tonight treating for Halloween and that is what came to me, say nothing… do nothing….move on…

    it isn’t even about me…. I remember that now.. nothing to do with me…

    he is projecting …. he only spoke to me for a short time… he can’t know any of that…

    Besides I think it is a gift… that I know now how he is… wanting to be first… what mother is going to put a man … before her children.. NOT me… anyone that is in a relationship with me.. knows my children come first… ( except when they are elsewhere and taken care of ) then he will in my attention but then I’m first …. anyways… sounds fishy to me…

    YEP… I have no issue taking no for an answer… I just don’t like it when people mis- judge me.. but oh well such as life… I get misunderstood all the time.. Thanks!! <3

    OXOXOXO

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 4:49pm

  90. 90: jenniNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks so much for your response, I so look forward to hearing all you have to say. I have decided to leave town for the weekend and clear my head. We live together so I cannot get any space otherwise. He is just crying and begging me not to leave him every time I come home, saying I’m his soulmate and whatnot. I’ve really never seen him act this way. It’s all very confusing.. I don’t understand his actions if that’s how he feels. I also thought it was worth mentioning that we are pretty young… 27 and 28.
    Anyways, I appreciate your guidance. I’m incredibly hurt and shocked, not comfortable with sharing this with friends or family yet so I am glad to have this outlet.
    Jenni

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 5:37pm

  91. 91: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @Zara <3 I agree and that is why I've already let "C" go and "D" go… Yay me!!!

    "C" clearly had other things in mind… I wouldn't even consider going to his hotel room on the first or second date and therefore a mute point about a Jacuzzi… and really I'm offended that someone would even consider that…. bye bye

    I went out with "G2" tonight and we talked about politics, economics, psychology and for hours… my kind of date… we talked about culture, travel… I'm so Sapiosexual… and a Closet Geek…

    So it was nice to sit and have conversations that had no-thing to do with sex… and it was nice to be listened to… and heard and responded to…

    I think he drinks more than I'm going to be comfortable with, every night.. 1-2 drinks.. but at least I seem to be breaking a cycle…

    I feel weird, I feel I don't belong, I feel a-lone in the world and not from a stand point of being lonely, I'm not… but that I'm so much my own person, and am true to myself, that people that bend and change themselves to fit into a group, won't accept me, b/c I'm not going to play the game… I don't change me to fit into a group.. to "belong"… and so I don't belong… b/c I'm true to who I am…and there isn't a group for that yet in society..

    So when I read Rori's post about the Addict, sure I can find it, can't we all and yet, I can also see how I've been true to myself my whole life.. I don't bend to peer pressure or societal norm just to "fit in".

    I'm strong enough to say what I mean, and mean what I say even if I get bombarded with catty remarks and opposition, gossip and even being blackballed… I'm really ok if someone doesn't like me just b/c I don't "go along". and even on this blog it has happened where I've said what I felt and it wasn't taken very well, and I still stayed true to me, and what I was feeling, experiencing… and I wonder at times, why it is that being authentic is such a bad thing, that people just can't allow it, accept it and welcome it… I really love it when someone is that way, strong enough to stand up and say what they feel regardless of if it "is agreeable" or not……

    I'm not a misfit with-in myself.. b/c I "get me", I know I'm a wonderful person, with a big heart, but I'm a misfit with lots of society and all groups I encounter b/c there is a certain amount of bending that has to occur in order to "belong"… and I don't seem to follow a pecking order… or a unspoken set of rules…

    I'm just thinking out loud here… I wonder at times, if that will always be the case……

    I wonder if there is a man out there that wants a woman like me… that is strong enough to go against the grain, if it isn't in alignment with her integrity or her beliefs, her lifestyle or her being herself? Someone that had rather be alone, than to contort herself to fit in….???

    I'm just really sitting with myself tonight, being really clear about loving me exactly how I am… misfit and all…

    and thought it does hurt when I get shunned or not accepted…misunderstood and judged…. it hurts soo much more, when I abandon myself ….. to fit in… and sometimes that is a lonely place to be…. so am I really an addict.. or just deprived of a natural human need…??

    OXOXO

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 9:22pm

  92. 92: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Lisa, I agree with Linda G.

    I would not even respond. Or if you must, “I respect your decision. Go well!” or something like that.

    His text is almost guaranteed 100% about him, and not about you at all. Next! :)

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 9:47pm

  93. 93: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you SO much for the hugs and support, Lisa, Sophie and Veronica.

    You ladies are the BEST.

    I will write more later.

    xxx

    Thursday, 31 October 2013 @ 9:48pm

  94. 94: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Checking in with myself here- I am not an addict. Definatley not the Monster, nor do I feel like the little girl fits me except the creative side of me identifies a bit. The goddess, maybe just a small bit, but the description of her here feels off to me too. I have way to much of a pragmatic side to flow like that.

    I guess I am just ME in all my complexity… I am ok!

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 4:21am

  95. 95: beckyNo Gravatar says:

    i am definitely the little girl. I am vulnerable and look to others for the love and security that I need to feel happy.

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 5:15am

  96. 96: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @ Linda G Yes you are and your OK and more than Ok… your amazing…

    @ Indigo yes, thanks!!!! <3 {[hugs}}}

    I woke up today so tired.. from being out last night… and I'm tired of being tired and tired of c'dating men that I know nothing will come of… and it somewhat fun… not as much fun as I have going out and doing things with a group etc. I tire of the men like "G2" that I know are telling me what they think I want to hear to try and get me… sorry not meaning to trigger here… but it's so obvious when they are telling me what i want to hear…

    It almost isn't even worth it to go out… b/c I'm tired the next day or so…

    uggg

    I do my best… but I'm not there yet… its fun in the beginning with these men but then it isn't fun b/c I know they are real dating material….

    dating is hard on me…with the wrong men….

    Is it self serving to want to be in a committed relationship with a wonderful man and feel secure and feel loved and have my life more settled?

    OXOXOX

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 6:18am

  97. 97: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Lisa: “Is it self serving to want to be in a committed relationship with a wonderful man and feel secure and feel loved and have my life more settled? ”

    Yes..it is self serving…and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being self serving! I think almost everyone wants what you detail above. I also believe that the problem comes in when we actively go after that without regard for the current moment. Enjoy the moments and enjoy yourself (even when you’re on a date with someone you feel zero compatibility with) and you will beging to truly enjoy LIFE. When that happens, things start to fall into place…including love.

    I personally believe that when you’re tired…when your body doesn’t want to go our anymore…when nothing sounds better to you than your own couch, your own company and a cup of hot tea…well…don’t go out. Alone time to refresh and rest is a great thing!

    Hope you are well today…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 6:30am

  98. 98: Linda GNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes, what a perfect response! I feel in the same place sometimes

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 6:32am

  99. 99: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Linda G! I just firmly believe it is critical that we take care of ourselves. Our bodies and our feelings tell us exactly what we need right now in this moment and I think we should listen to that.

    Sometimes I think it’s that rush to find what we’re looking for that makes us keep going out and looking for it. In reality, there is no rush to go find something…it is already moving toward us at the right pace for us (not necessarily the pace we want it to move but the *right* pace). If we just take care of ourselves…our bodies, our minds, our souls and our hearts…all we want will come to us. Unfortunately, that concept is so incredibly hard to believe that we end up doing and doing and doing and going and going and going because we’re afraid if we don’t *do something*, we’re never going to get what we want.

    I know for sure that when I stopped *doing* anything, true love found me (and it practically beat down my door).

    Take care of yourselves ladies…only do what feels good and right (and find something to enjoy in the moment when you’re in a situation like a date where you’re not exactly having a great time)…your dreams will find you if your heart, body, mind and soul are in a good and peaceful place.

    (and no…I’m not always like that…I have plenty of days of *doing* and plenty of days where my body says “rest Mercedes, rest” but I go to work anyway or do something else or go out with J or whatever. But on those days when I listen to myself and I take care of myself, I almost always find a new blessing sitting right there in my lap)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 6:54am

  100. 100: AngelNo Gravatar says:

    @Dominique (33), Ignis (37), Sophie (46):
    I feel so happy about the encouragement, and thank you! All the hard stuff makes me feel so unsure sometimes, and comments like yours helps me keep my confidence up :)

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 7:25am

  101. 101: SiranaNo Gravatar says:

    Please help – I want to send the following email to my husband. It is the truth and something I have not said to him like this. I worry though that telling him this may end any future we have. I will give a quick background and then I would really appreciate any feedback.
    Quick background – Husband is very angry that I defended my dad in an argument between the two of them. He feels our relationship was based on us always backing each other no matter what and this was “as bad as cheating”. He says he wants to stay together for the kids. He will never love me the way he used to.
    I want to send this:
    I know you don’t want to talk about this anymore but I have to tell you this. I have been asking myself over and over why I would not immediately defend you and stand by your side without question like I use to. In the old days, this would not have happened. I kept thinking I just played the cards wrong. Trying to keep the peace between two people. But the truth is, which you already know, it shouldn’t have ever been about keeping peace. I should have been mad immediately at my dad for upsetting you and immediately called him to say what the hell. But I didn’t do that. Instead I actually argued with you that night. I agree that says a lot.. When this happened, I didn’t feel even close to the connected ride or die team that we once were. In fact, I felt angry and jaded with you. It felt like it was one more thing. I hadn’t felt like we were on the same team in many years. It use to feel like you and me against the world. In those days, I would have immediately stood up for you. When this happened, we were far from that. Last night you said we were built on you standing up for me and protecting me against my family. Now that was gone what did I need you for. Yes that what important to me but not the main thing I needed from you and what made me fall in love with you. What I always needed from you was to feel SECURE in your love for me. NOONE had ever done that for me. EVERYONE in my life (including my dad) had shown me love and then left. You immediately made me feel secure and safe and loved forever. Every day that went by you convinced me more and more that I could trust you. That you wouldn’t leave me. That you loved me and we would be together forever. From the very first time in the apartment after we had Lilly you started taking that away from me. The emotional security I needed you to provide was rocked over and over and over again so many times I can’t count. I know in the moment you felt that way but you took away that core we had everytime you told me you wanted out. I know many times you did this in reaction to my behaviors. I know I am far from innocent. But I could have taken anything else. The fact that you would pull away from me and discuss divorce so often broke me. Even while I was pregnant with Lauren you did this to me. You took all my security away and that was the main thing I NEEDED from you. 6 months after we had Lauren this thing with my Dad happened. Nothing in our past would lead us to believe that I would feel that ride or die team we once had. I felt like I was living a very unstable life. I was constantly trying to make YOU the ONE person I trusted the most to love me. If I could take it back and handle the situation the right way with my Dad, I would in a heart beat. But I can’t and I think it is only fair that you understand why.

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 7:31am

  102. 102: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sirana – do you have any of Rori’s products or her book?

    Now that you are clear about what you want to say and how you want to feel, this message needs to be rewritten. There is too much blame and making him wrong in there.

    Go with I feel, I don’t want, and what do you think?

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 8:02am

  103. 103: SiranaNo Gravatar says:

    I actually have all of her stuff including the CDs. Usually I use feeling messages and try not to blame. I know what you are saying but I feel that he needs to understand that this is not one-sided. He is comparing it to cheating. He says he won’t forgive me. I think he needs to understand how we got this way and then maybe he would be open to moving past this. Am I wrong?

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 8:10am

  104. 104: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Sirana – Have you looked at when things started to go sideways with your husband? Have you wondered as to the why? What role have you played in this? These are important questions to explore.

    I agree with Femininewoman that this letter is full of pointing fingers and blame. Any communication, especially when it’s loaded like this has to be about you and how you feel. Not what he did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say.

    There are reasons he pulled away, and you CAN change this. It will have to start with you and your energy around him. You need to pull your focus off of him and put it back on you, healing yourself and developing and blossoming your feminine energy aspect which will include changing your ways of speaking to him and BEing around him.

    I don’t think the letter is a good idea at this time, and if in the future you would want to speak to him, I would encourage you to do it person.

    I think time for YOU and healing YOU is most important here.

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 8:12am

  105. 105: CrisNo Gravatar says:

    @Mercedes, what you say about caring about ourselves and don’t DO sounds perfect… I want to believe it is true!!

    :)

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 8:13am

  106. 106: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It is not about being wrong Sirana. I totally agree with Dominique. You are too focussed in his actions and words. As a matter of fact it feels like running him over with a mack truck.

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 8:26am

  107. 107: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    He also is not an idiot. He knows it is not one-sided. Maybe he is not saying so, but he knows. He is a smart man.

    I would pull out Reconnect Your Relationship and The Modern Siren. I believe these could help you now.

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 8:27am

  108. 108: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @Mercedes Yes! your correct… when I don’t want to go out, I need to stay home and love on me… and that is what I’m feeling now…

    I do enjoy time with them in the moment… I think I regret it when I get up the next morning, and I haven’t slept well… that part makes it hard on me…

    I’m overly sensitive I don’t know that there is much I can do about it… @Dominique has pointed out to me before…and so I get unsettled easily… and it causes sleep issues… ugg so in that respect dating is hard on my physically.

    I was told today that it might be helpful for me to just focus on what I do want and these men that I know I don’t want, or they won’t work… It might severe me to let them go…. and I think that feels better to me than to force myself to continue to date them when it’s hard on me… sleep wise… I know c’dating is important, but I also think taking care of my sleep and body, emotions is more important… c’dating will have to be less intense…for now…

    Thanks for you response <3

    OXOXO

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 8:32am

  109. 109: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “He is comparing it to cheating”. This is his experience and the best way he knows how to describe his experience. Continuing to invalidate this or convince him that your thinking is better won’t bring the two of you closer.

    “He says he won’t forgive me.” These are hard words to hear and words that can destroy a relationship. Yet you cannot convince him to forgive you if he doesn’t want to. Forgiveness is a personal thing. You can’t require it of someone. And even if they do give in to your requirement you will still find it hard to accept because you required it.

    It is his choice to make and I would suggest accepting and respecting his decision. Even though it might feel devastating to do so.

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 8:33am

  110. 110: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    I went over to his place last night and spent the night and didn’t have sex! I’m glad that I didn’t. I was having a crappy day yesterday, and I ended up crying about my ex and other stuff with him last night. The dynamic between us is very strange now, there’s like the constant back and forth, attraction then negativity and on an on, and that just doesn’t feel good. I compare everything to my last relationship where the energy between us was almost always positive and fun. I really don’t want to start off a new relationship on such a negative note. Too bad because it seemed like there was such great potential there initially but it went downhill fast. And now it just doesn’t feel good anymore and I’m OK with that. It’s NOT what I want and I feel very clear about that.

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 9:33am

  111. 111: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Veronica 58,

    Thank you so much :) I’m studying interior design next year, so as soon as I can yes, I’d love to move into a company like that. I have a feeling just the act of studying will shift things in a wonderful way for me.

    I feel very supported that you know that soul-crushing feeling. I do feel it has so much to do with being sensitive and empathic. The great surplus of negative energy simply cannot just run off us. Also we have such pointed needs for rest and downtime.

    Thank you for reminding me about decorating my office… I feel this might make me feel a little better. I wish my office was more private. That’s my biggest concern about work, the invasiveness of it all. It makes me very grumpy at times.

    Love to you xx

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 12:47pm

  112. 112: Linda GNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Indigo, how lucky you are to be studying interior design! I love learning new things, especially creative classes. They fill my heart and spirit like nothing else, and I bloom….

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 1:00pm

  113. 113: Liquid LightNo Gravatar says:

    wow you know what is really freaky, there is a certain dynamic that has been playing out with hometown that was very very similar to my ex! To the point that its freaking me out! Its like I had to have the exact same (negative) dynamic repeat itself until I got it!

    Well I got it! I got it! Enough already! Yuck!!! Makes me feel like puking…BARF!!!

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 1:35pm

  114. 114: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Sofie – if you were to start calling him and contacting him – you’d be chasing him – and he’d RUN. Already, it’s possible you’re attached and invested more than feels good and balanced to you – and that’s your clue that you can’t have sex with a man you aren’t absolutely sure of – you CARE too much….So – great lesson no matter what happens here. Stay cool. Love, Rori

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 6:29pm

  115. 115: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    Lisa 91

    I know you know

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 6:39pm

  116. 116: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    Ups, half the post disappeared!

    Lisa 91

    I know you know ;)
    I was answering to your question in 83 «How do I respond to this:»

    Post 86 would be a response, if response there was. :)

    xxx

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 6:43pm

  117. 117: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Linda G,

    Yes I’m super excited :) I feel the same way about creative activities.

    I feel as if I’ve been waiting my whole life to study something creative :)

    Friday, 1 November 2013 @ 11:56pm

  118. 118: MandyNo Gravatar says:

    I could easily recognize each character within me as well. I have been out of touch with my Goddess as of late and have felt pretty much like if feelings were taste buds on a tongue, I doubt the tongue would taste much. When good things happen I don’t necessarily get super happy, I just feel like thing move on…

    I am very confused, and I think it might be my anti-depressants. I do feel pretty weird about it because I am a passionate person with a high libido and an optimistic point of view. Since I’ve gone through the Siren program, I do know how it feels to have gone through it, to feel all of the juicy goodness that comes with it and also to see dramatic results. I need to get back in touch and I know the way is probably to re-order the program and go through it again. Only thing now would be to budget it and find the time/privacy to do it, as I don’t live alone.

    Sunday, 3 November 2013 @ 7:31pm

  119. 119: MandyNo Gravatar says:

    Well, now I feel very excited to say I have got Love Scripts now which has been a goal of mine since last year, when I started with Rori’s programs. Lady luck has smiled on me recently and I was able to afford it, and now since my man is asleep, I’m going to go study it :)

    Sunday, 3 November 2013 @ 7:50pm

  120. 120: susie salernoNo Gravatar says:

    I miss me

    Monday, 4 November 2013 @ 9:50am

  121. 121: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it might feel challenging for men to achieve that Goddess energy, but it feels much more natural and effortless for women

    Tuesday, 5 November 2013 @ 6:51am

  122. 122: Ruthie JNo Gravatar says:

    Yikes. I don’t want to scare you, but what you are describing sounds a bit like dissociative disorder. It is actually treatable. You can integrate these seemingly separate places within yourself and come to a greater peace and contentment. Best of luck.

    Tuesday, 5 November 2013 @ 11:08am

  123. 123: MandyNo Gravatar says:

    Feels that way. But I have been paying attention to myself, and actually I am still feeling quite a bit. But mostly disgruntlement and anger at daily life…work, struggles with such, transportation and things like that are very hard for me having Tourette’s Syndrome and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and my boy energy is taking over…gotta sit down and breathe and feel for a minute. Just slow down so life doesn’t pass my by like this. Like the song by Emmy Rossum, “Slow Me Down.” I just feel happy I know this is off…before the programs, I wouldn’t have known for a second something was off, not in the least.

    Thank goodness for this blog/forum and this huge support group. You ladies really rock. :)

    Wednesday, 6 November 2013 @ 5:28pm

  124. 124: MandyNo Gravatar says:

    Actually Ruthie, not to sound like a smarty pants at all, but I think you might mean Depersonalization Disorder; Dissociative Disorder is when people have had traumatic experience, happen and they can’t remember it, or assume multiple personalities;
    Depersonalization is when a person has severe, persistent feelings of being detached from oneself. Occasional symptoms are reported by half the population at some point in their lives; with the actual disorder, such experiences are persistent and recurrent, causing marked personal distress. It commonly follows a new or disturbing event. Unlike Disassociative disorders, Depersonalization disorder involves only limited splitting between conscious and unconscious mental processes and no memory loss occurs. (Source: Abnormal Psychology Fifth Edition by Thomas F. Oltmanns, and Robert E. Emery, published 2007.)

    (I just graduated college after ten years of trying and not making it, because of so many medical leaves of absences due to my relapsing Tourette’s Syndrome and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so that was kind of traumatic; also I just now forced myself into the work force for the very first time in my life at age 32, so it makes sense I might be experiencing some Depersonalization.

    But after listening to Love Scripts a bit, I have been paying attention to myself and I still feel; as Rori describes, I have a heart like a camera lens, and it opens and closes; mind has been rigidly closed since moving into the real world and having it make me angry all the time and hardening me so quickly.

    My dad always told me never to lose the sparkle in my eyes…I’m fighting to keep it. Luckily I have this blog and a counselor/psychiatrist I see very regularly as well as Rori.

    Thank you for listening by the way I feel very good knowing someone cares enough to say something Ruthie. Much thanks.

    Thursday, 7 November 2013 @ 7:37pm

  125. 125: MandyNo Gravatar says:

    I have to re-iterate again about Love Scripts. Just what the doctor ordered, no lie.

    I thought I was a Rori Raye tool expert! I had gone through Modern Siren and Targeting Mr. Right, and I noticed lots of dramatic results because I happen to be a natural at over-functioning, so when I stopped, it was noticed, big-time. But after my relationship had been invested in a lot, I was sort of left hanging with all the leaning back and waiting as though I was still dating my man. This answers all my questions and takes it deeper. Rori is great coach as always. Sometimes I wonder how in the world she figured this all out on her own.

    Apparently something traumatic has happened to me. I already know what that is. So this is an excellent opportunity to feel my way out of it especially by talking to my partner. I can say I DO feel excited about it…yay…I can feel excitement!

    :)

    Saturday, 9 November 2013 @ 9:11am

  126. 126: theislandNo Gravatar says:

    OK I think I need to spend some time out here for a bit again..I need some Goddess right now. Just recently married October 6th after 2 years and a great relationship. However, now it’s as if I have become and island of my own and he is on an island of his own. I feel invisible in his life. Part of that I have to own because I am in school and working full time as well as taking care of a very wonderful life. I talked to him about how disconnected I felt with him last weekend and that I know we are busy but that I don’t want to feel more alone now that we are married than I did when we were engaged…to top it off I went to his FB page today and he has not accepted the update on his status from engaged to married. Just shortly after we were married he asked me to send him pictures to put on his FB page. He has not done that yet either. This morning he skipped his work out to spend time with me because he knew he would have to be with his kids who have games in another town until about 5PM tonight. Without going into the whole family scenario it feels like he is using his family as a reason to create distance in our relationship. I am trying to piece this together but right now I am just concerned and hurting. I guess the addict and little girl are operating right now because I want to connect with him but I feel like I am chasing him and I feel like I am getting crumbs. I am attempting to shift from what’s going on with him to what’s going on with me and I am feeling abandoned when he leaves to be at the games with the kids who live 50 miles away. It has been 13 weeks and there is 1 more weekend of this but he refuses to take a weekend off to be here. This takes up the only time he and I have together to bond and have a home together with our family now.
    I can’t go to the games because I have my kids here that need me, and gas prices for 2 cars to travel 100 miles + are not in the budget, not to mention this is the only time our family has to get things together for the week. He has 4 boys and I have 2 children (16 and 11). At some point the boys are all going to be enrolled in different things and so are my kids, I feel like there has to be a compromise in this. He has been with his family out there and his kids and his ex wife at the games for the past 12 weeks. I am feeling like an option and an appendage in his life which is something I’ve never felt with him, which is why we’re married. I have commitment and abandonment issues myself so this is really wearing on my heart, especially since we talked about it. I am feeling very invisible in his life right now and that doesn’t make me feel like his wife….am not sure what the next step is because I love him very much but I really feel like running…I didn’t expect things to change when we got married from what we were, which means I didn’t expect them to change for the worst…I expected them to stay the same with our relationship but now it seems as though he’s in a contemplation stage?? I know I should go back to circular dating now that we have had this discussion and he has not made any real effort to shape our new family together…is there another tool in this grab bag. I want an honest and loving relationship of unity and togetherness…help sirens. I am a strong confident woman and it has taken me years to get here but now I feel like the earth is being shaken under me. BTW, I don’t call him and I still make him make the effort. He usually does but its like there’s a part of him that doesn’t want to grow up and move away from home for real. It was like he wanted to be able to keep that life and have this one separate from that. I feel like he’s cheating with his other family and I want a whole relationship. What do I do? (I know, nothing)…

    Saturday, 16 November 2013 @ 8:32am

  127. 127: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    island, Welcome! And go get some quick, free coaching from one of my Trainees on the “Get Free Coaching” page over in the sidebar – they are AMAZING!!! Love, Rori

    Saturday, 16 November 2013 @ 9:53am

  128. 128: AdreamCreationNo Gravatar says:

    i do like like this type of artilce thanks for share.

    Monday, 18 November 2013 @ 2:48pm

  129. 129: ifonlyiknewmyownnameNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, despite my innermost protest to ever let any one know that I can be hurt emotionally by anything, I feel compelled to share something with this specific group. I am envious of the brave hearts and the diligent believers who share their stories of suffering, hurt, anger, joy, etc., and I admire the strenghth to not just silence your feelings but believe in and support others in expressing theirs through Rori’s site. To respectfully address Rori for a moment; You possess a gift, Dear Rori, that doesnt just heal through guidance but is capable of resurrecting lost souls who deserve to be whole again. People who at some point were kind and caring to their own demise or they would not have any “feelings” in which they suppressed. I realize how random this comment must seem especially because it is vague, but I have a “feeling” that slowly but surely I have found a home to begin a long overdue healing process. Thank you for having the courage to speak openly. This admirable group my just have rescued a lost soul. I will be following before I face reality enough to share how I came to have forgotten my own name but when I do I believe you each bring a unique perspective in a comforting dialogue where I may have found the perfect strangers who have given me hope in finding myself and in belief that there are people in this world who are still good and caring. I hope to summitt up courage soon, I’m almost excited to express my pain as melancholy as it sounds. Thank you all for bearing with me and this drawn out comment. I will be back soon.

    Saturday, 7 December 2013 @ 10:41am

  130. 130: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    if only – Welcome, and wow. What a great writer you are – I can feel you through your words. And thank you so much for your kind words to me. I look forward to hearing more about you, your story, and following you as you bloom. Love, Rori

    Saturday, 7 December 2013 @ 11:04am

  131. 131: "if only"No Gravatar says:

    No Rori, Thank You! Just the fact that you took the time, and so quickly, to acknowledge what in realty is desperation to merely exist as a human being, has already allowed me to feel; as your acknowledgement has brought me to tears in that my heart has not completed hardened and hope of healing can be a reality.

    Saturday, 7 December 2013 @ 12:30pm

  132. 132: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Much love to you Ifonly. :)

    xxoo

    Saturday, 7 December 2013 @ 12:57pm

« Back to Home