The Carnival Of Feelings

Inside me I feel so much I can’t even keep it straight. Carousels and rollercoasters – an entire theme park of emotion. A carnival of feelings.

And – who cares what those feelings are!

I can say I feel mad at this, I feel sad from that, I feel glad because of this, I feel afraid of that….but it really doesn’t matter.

The only reason for discovering any of it is to become more aware of my triggers – but beyond that – it really doesn’t matter.

The only thing that matters is that I feel them fully – and then decide where I want my thoughts to be.

I get to decide what ride I take, what thought I think, where I go, what I do, what I say. I get to let my feelings out, I get to express, I get to choose what to let out, let go, let fly.

I get to be there while this carnival is flourishing – and I can either be miserable in it, or indifferent to it, or celebrate it.  I can even join in and go whoo-hah!

And that’s only in ONE moment!  I get all the other moments to choose different things.

And if I feel so anxious in the presence of the carnival – I get to breathe and make peace with the Ferris wheel and the river raft experience and even the shooting galleries.  I can even point pistols if I want.  I can feel the guilt but not let it run me.

I can either love the carnival or hate it or be indifferent to it or shut it down. I can go to sleep.  I can go to sleep and still be awake.

So –what do I choose?

More important – what do YOU choose?

Love, Rori

 

 

 

 

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834 Comments to “The Carnival Of Feelings”

  1. 1: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, world. :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:46am

  2. 2: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Hello my friend SLV – HAH!!!

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:51am

  3. 3: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Do you think I can play my steel drums at that carnival?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:53am

  4. 4: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque if it doesn’t matter why is it that there is so much energy around forcing people to “speak” their feelings here rather than just plain share.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:55am

  5. 5: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Of course Femininewoman.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:56am

  6. 6: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I love this post.

    Life really is a carnival. It’s meant to be fun!

    I get to do what ever I want. And what I’m choosing now is what I want. And I’m always choosing. Always. Now.

    It’s never done and I can’t get it wrong. Brilliant.

    My feelings are my gauge, like the steering wheel on my car. If I’m mad or upset about something then that’s a sign I don’t want to do “that”, whatever “that” is. I turn the wheel slightly away from that which feels bad. I move towards something that feels good. I don’t need to figure out why it feels bad… I just notice I feel bad and that’s not what I want.

    Every time I feel bad, it’s a chance to refine what I want. What a gift!!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:02am

  7. 7: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I’ve been listening to Abraham Hicks a lot lately. I’m posting this for you because it sounded so much like a riff… I couldn’t help but think of you! Love you honey!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kxX2iiV_mc

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:03am

  8. 8: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yesterday I spoke up about something I felt uncomfortable about. I said it and he went into saying what he normally says. I sat silently and let him talk but I went deeply into my sadness. I finally responded there is nothing in it for me. I felt a shift in him and felt a knowing that he finally paid attention to what I was saying. He also acknowledged that there was nothing in the situation for me and suggested a timeline when the situation would end. This is not the traditional dating situation but I consider it a circular date because I get to share my feelings. I felt my sadness and when I walked away I ended up crying. What I took away from the experience was the fact that I sank into my feelings and it seemed that the energy was felt and something shifted. I am waiting to see what it creates for me in the future.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:04am

  9. 9: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I just wanted to express my gratitude for you posting about Abraham Hicks. I resisted it for a long time. I wasn’t even conscious of my resistance but for some reason never wanted to check it out… until now. Wow. My mind is seriously blown. It feels so good!!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:05am

  10. 10: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @6: Simply Shannon

    Hi, SS!!!

    “Thanks, for “holding the banner up for us” while Sweetie and I were away.

    I missed you. How is everything?

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:11am

  11. 11: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @2: tinque

    tee hee :lol:

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:12am

  12. 12: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: Yay! Yay! Yay!!!!

    I feel so excited to hear that. I know how good it felt when I finally got what they are saying. And I keep learning more and more from them.

    Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. <3

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:12am

  13. 13: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: re #4

    I was thinking maybe so that we can move onto this part.

    “The only reason for discovering any of it is to become more aware of my triggers – but beyond that – it really doesn’t matter.

    The only thing that matters is that I feel them fully – and then decide where I want my thoughts to be.”

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:18am

  14. 14: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SS you inspired me to accept that maybe I was resisting Hicks also. I heard of him through Louise Hay more than a year ago and never paid attention to anything he does. I am now listening and I feel gratitude to both you and LG. I love some of the ideas they are promoting, deconstructing thought, wow. Thank you.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:36am

  15. 15: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t have to figure it all out. What a relief. aaahhh the serenity and calm is coming in Tinque.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:37am

  16. 16: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 13 I am putting those together with the Hicks deconstruction of thought. I don’t have to figure it out woohoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:38am

  17. 17: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SLV now I feel like saying weeeee

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:39am

  18. 18: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Femininewoman!!!

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:03am

  19. 19: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    6:

    SS~

    Feels wonderful to hear from you!!

    Hope you are doing fabulously!

    ~Lilybelle.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:12am

  20. 20: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    I love this….

    “I get to decide what ride I take, what thought I think, where I go, what I do, what I say. I get to let my feelings out, I get to express, I get to choose what to let out, let go, let fly.”

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:16am

  21. 21: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @17: Femininewoman says:
    “… I feel like saying weeeee…”

    I feel like saying it too, again. I’m here at the library so I can print out some Unemployment papers. Rori’s post calls to me. I was becoming anxious and “inventing things to worry about.” The ‘what will I do” about… “things that don’t exist.”

    Sweetie is telling me “You don’t really have to worry about this. You know what to do.” Yes, I do. So why am I anxious? Hmmm, because the world isn’t perfect at this exact moment? And a bureaucrat can’t do simply math? Or she cannot find the right thing in the computer? That’s it.

    And I KNOW BETTER. I will tell others the same thing. I must give that change of idea and feeling to myself and “feel” another way about it. I’ll go on different “Rori” carnival ride. OK.

    I’ll leave the library soon; it’s too noisy in here to get much done, too much music and singing in the computer area

    :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:19am

  22. 22: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling especially blonde today because when I first read the post I didn’t get it. Now that I reread it, it made me go aha! Got it! I needed these words today…now when I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster I am going to put my hands up in the air and enjoy the ride!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:25am

  23. 23: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I resisted the Abraham stuff at first, too. I couldn’t seem to get past ‘how’ it all started and about the “channeling,” etc. But finally I got to the point where I didn’t care where it came from or what they said about it….I just wanted help :-)

    As far as the LOA is concerned, I haven’t found anything or anyone more helpful and simple to understand than Esther and Jerry Hicks (Abraham.)

    Brenda, I am praying for you and hoping the best for your situation <3

    Daria suggested (last thread) that I get 'Toxic Men' because I tend to beat myself up. I think I could really learn and heal from this program. I know that beating myself up does not do me any good and I want to learn to love myself enough to not need to do that anymore.

    #8/FW, I'm sorry for your sadness. I understand that sometimes this is part of our healing and growth. I am also seeing results from fully sinking into my feelings. I haven't felt a real 'shift' yet—but those feelings are losing power over me. I guess that's a start.

    #4/FW–I shouldn't answer for Tinque, but I would think that 'speaking our feelings' here (as opposed to just sharing) is for practice and so other Sirens can help us 'tweak' our FMs before we use them in real situations. At least, that's the way I understand it. (Sorry for butting-in if that was only for Tinque.)

    I am so inspired by everyone's journey. <3

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:36am

  24. 24: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    SLV…who is “Sweetie”? Is this a person in your life? Or is it a part of you (your boy voice?) Just curious to know :-)

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:39am

  25. 25: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – I don’t understand your question, #4

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:45am

  26. 26: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Re 23 No apologies necessary. I was just musing. I understand it is for practice if peopel choose not to practice then what?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:49am

  27. 27: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    My 13 yo daughter is suddenly taking issue with the time I spend with poker player. She said it is because she misses her dad as she only gets to see him 4 days a month. She sees poker player more than her dad. I could sure use some advice on how to mesh my mom life with my relationship life. I don’t ever want to get to the point where I have to choose between the two. I finally feel like I have the love I deserve and have been without for so long. Poker player says we will overcome this together but I still feel scared.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:51am

  28. 28: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque Rori says above it does not matter what those feelings are. I also get the sense here that we don’t even have to speak them. We just have to feel them and decide about our thoughts and where we want to go from there on. The was some comments earlier on about “intellectual discussions” as if it had no place here. Only feeling discussion. I don’t believe I have seen Queenbee and Boomer posting since then. My concern is that they might have felt unwelcome as a result. It it doesn’t matter, if feelings don’t have to be expressed as suggested above why are the intellectual discussions frowned on?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:56am

  29. 29: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ps I know we are practicing being in feminine energy but still our boy are a part of us.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:57am

  30. 30: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    #27
    I don’t know T-girl, this smells a little like a power play to me on your daughter’s part. Would it be possible for her to spend more time with her father?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:00am

  31. 31: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    FW/#4 I did not notice the word ‘force’ in #4–and reading your other posts, I guess I didn’t quite get it right (ie: the previous discussion about feelings vs. intellect, etc. and what is allowed and what is not supposed to be discussed.) I am interested to hear what Tinque has to say.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:01am

  32. 32: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t speak for Rori, but the way I understand this is that most feelings don’t have to be expressed, acknowledged yes, but you don’t have to nor is it preferable to voice each and every little nuance.

    For the purposes of healing though, especially in the earlier stages or if something comes up to be processed, then going through the thoughts either here or in a journal can be helpful. It can help you sort through the chaos to come to another feeling, maybe a better feeling place. It can be helpful sometimes to understand from where the chaos comes, not always, but sometimes, and you can only know through experimenting.

    Does this help?

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:04am

  33. 33: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lily T, I agree. Part of me feels I am getting played but then the guilt takes over. I already had a conversation with her dad and he is going to spend more time with her during the week.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:04am

  34. 34: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl I have a 14 year old girl and a 13 year old boy. I can tell you that at that age they seem to be more interested in the opposite sex than they were before and they have commented on the guys I date and which they prefer. I believe she might be feeling insignificant because of the lack of attention from dad and now what she had with you is being minimized with the presence of Poker Player. I have a friend getting married next week and my daughter tells me the 13-year old daughter of the woman is leaving to go live with her dad in Canada because she was building a relationship with her mom and now that is gone. It seems since the man came in the picture she feels she has lost the connectin she was building with her mom. I can’t advice you what to do but can tell you that I have heard a coach, Katherine Scott suggests that she asks “who is feeling insignificant here” when issues come up in relationships so that is how I deal with my kinds when they do things that seem to be crying out for attention. I have one date who gives my daugher quality time and really acts like a dad with her. I also try my best to spend time outside of focussing on academics and achievements. I am not sure things will change for your daughter immediately but I would take this as a need for attention. I am convinced she would want to see her mom happy.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:11am

  35. 35: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It helps Tinque thanks.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:12am

  36. 36: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    #33 T-Girl,

    Didn’t you write recently that you thought you might be in love? I’m wondering if your daughter has perhaps picked up on that and sensing pokerplayer is becomming more important in your life, possibly permanent and therefore he would have more of a role in her life as well.

    Could she harbor a secret hope that you and her father would get back together? If so, she might feel especially threatened by the development with pokerplayer.

    I think it’s good she will spend more time with her Dad, because at least she won’t be able to use that as an excuse. You might consider occasionally doing a “special mother-daughter” outing with her as well, so she doesn’t feel pokerplayer is getting more of your attention than she is. Just some thoughts.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:13am

  37. 37: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque I have to add that Jonathan Aslay suggested in the Interview that he was mesmirized by his wife because of her feminine grace. My understanding was that for the most part she was silent during the meetup he was noticing her at with some other girl friends. I also get the sense that being feminine includes acknowledging one’s feeling and knowing how to manage it without necessarily propelling it outward, just being with it and making choices.

    I know though that journaling helps to bring our awareness sharper and as a result heal.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:17am

  38. 38: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lily-T I know this is addressed to T-Girl but I am wondering if it would not also be good if T-Girl could just ask her “what’s up with that?”.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:18am

  39. 39: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes FW, yes; beautifully said.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:19am

  40. 40: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl I am sensing that if he calls her more also it could help. I would be concerned that if he seems to be spending more time with her and he mentions you suggested that to him, could she interpret it as you pushing her towards him and away from you so you could have the time you need for PPlayer? Remember children process things differently. What do you think?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:21am

  41. 41: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sick of feeling my feelings.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:22am

  42. 42: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn I have been thinking of you all morning and was holding myself back from asking about you.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:23am

  43. 43: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lily an Fw, thank you. It makes so much sense what you are saying. It has been the two of us for the past year and now there is a third person in the picture. I know she likes him and even talks good things about him with her dad but I guess she is feeling like she is losing the just me and her relationship. Yesterday she was complaining that he comes over everyday which in reality he only comes over once a week. But I guess in her eyes it is every day. This will take some time to work through but I need to show her that our relationship together won’t change. I like the idea of her dad calling her because that is one thing he doesn’t do.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:36am

  44. 44: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t heard from Adam. I sent him a pic of me yesterday early morning. Because he had sent pics of himself to me. It’s been over 24hrs now. Nothing.

    I guess just being a good listener and supportive while he was crying (and he was considering suicide) because his ex fiancee who left him last year with no warning is now seeing his former NA sponsor. He was bereft more over their deceit; not so much him pining for her.

    I did insinuate I’m here for him but if all it gets me is friendship, it’d feel like a demotion.

    He wrote back after our phone convo that it troubles him that friendship feels like a demotion to me and that he’s not ready to be anyone’s bf right now.

    I called back crying. He truly had no idea why I was crying. I had to explain it to him. He calmed me down and we had more talks days to follow about his ex and his friend. When I mean talks, I mean just me listening and being supportive- not giving advice. Just being femme here.

    He asked me to email him some nice things about him. It’s something we did when we were dating. I emailed a list with everything from what a kind, considerate friend he is, to his talents and smarts I admire, his c*m tastes great, his face, and how he makes me feel warm and protected.

    He writes back ‘my face? really?’ then goes into detail about how little he thinks of his looks and how he was bullied in school by girls.

    I write back ‘You’re gorgeous. I’m an artist. I know what I’m talking about. And everyone knows I have great taste. So there. xo.’

    He writes ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder I suppose. Here’s some more pics of me since you seemed to ask before.’

    I write ‘Nice. Thank you. And here’s one of me. Just taken now. 8am. Uncombed hair, no makeup. For you and only you.’

    That was over 24 hrs ago. Maybe I’m feeling anxious for no reason. But I only have myself to blame if he lost attraction. I did indulge in dirty talk he instigated also- against my bff’s advice saying if Adam doesn’t want to be a boyfriend, then just be his friend, no dirty talk, no girlfriend type behavior.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:38am

  45. 45: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: I have been feeling worried that some people were scared off by that as well. I feel bummed about that.

    When I have made comments about feel bored with intellectual discussions, it was never with the intention of scaring people away.

    I guess I feel a little confused here because I have seen Rori post often how this is a place to practice tools that get us in our feminine energy. I’ve also seen her say we are all coaches/gurus and encourage us to support each other. And I’ve seen here say that this isn’t a place for debate and trying to prove things.

    I wonder what is going on with you? It seems like you feel triggered around this and I feel curious to hear more about it.

    I see some similar irony to how some of us were perceiving negativity in each others words the other day. I’m having a hard time finding to the word to express myself about this, yet it seems like a similar dynamic.

    Am I making any sense here?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:38am

  46. 46: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    45:

    “I guess I feel a little confused here because I have seen Rori post often how this is a place to practice tools that get us in our feminine energy. I’ve also seen her say we are all coaches/gurus and encourage us to support each other. And I’ve seen here say that this isn’t a place for debate and trying to prove things. ”

    That is exactly what I remembered reading as well.

    Exactly.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:44am

  47. 47: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn: (((hugs)))

    I don’t know what to say. I’m feeling particularly inarticulate today. Feeling good but trying to do too much at one time.

    I do hope you feel better. I believe everything will be fine. I would recommend trying to focus on something that lifts you up and not worry about what he is thinking. He’s just going through his own process.

    Is there anyway you can focus on loving you?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:45am

  48. 48: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    sometimes i stay away from here because it’s too distracting. i dont want to feel like i’m only here to dump my crap on you all.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:46am

  49. 49: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 45 You are right but I am mostly choosing to remain silent. I prefer the happy carefree energy here. My concern is that I would love to see more people joining in discussions rather than leaving. For me it makes the world a smaller place. Over the last several weeks I have seen too many people leave. I want this Rori world to be all inclusive because we as women can use as much help as is available. I believe Rori, Tinque, Loneplum, you and many who comment have a lot to share and it has helped me.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:47am

  50. 50: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    you know what? i’m sick of men ‘going through their own process.’

    no regards to my feelings? i guess we women have to endure being treated like we don’t exist…because thats just how men are.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:48am

  51. 51: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn I would prefer you dump your crap on me rather than on Adam or yourself. I know that might come across as a habit toxic towards myself so my disclaimer is that it is not on me but the blog, wweeeeeeee

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:48am

  52. 52: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    f$ck dave. f$ck being a siren

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:49am

  53. 53: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn I just asked a man what do you think. He responded “whatever you feel is best”.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:50am

  54. 54: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    #52 i mean adam.
    #53 at least that’s a man who’s talking to you.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:51am

  55. 55: Eileen MaryNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t think they see it that way, as if we don’t exist. They have a tendancy to say I love you and think it never be said again and are that way with most things.

    Keep yourself busy and make them look for you. :)

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:52am

  56. 56: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelle: Hi! I’m feeling so behind on posts. I know there were several that I wanted to respond to including some of yours.

    Instead I have been getting caught up on some things in my life which feels great too.

    Mostly though I just want to play on siren island.

    Be patient LG. There is time for everything.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:53am

  57. 57: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    i feel worried about being abandonned like he did last time after paris.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:54am

  58. 58: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I can say I feel mad at this, I feel sad from that, I feel glad because of this, I feel afraid of that….but it really doesn’t matter.”

    kaitlyn can I encourage you to read the article above?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:57am

  59. 59: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    so tempted (though i’d never. i’ve never been a drama queen) to just delete him off my fb and block his #.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:57am

  60. 60: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    58 read it. doesn’t help me feel better.

    all this place does is make me feel guilty and weak for having feelings.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:58am

  61. 61: Eileen MaryNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn agreed F Dave, F men, but not being a Siren that’s about you and you don’t want to say F to being you.

    I think we defeat ourselves by practing being a siren with a specific goal towards connecting with one person. It should be about connecting with yourself. Otherwise you are working too hard to connect with that man and he will feel that.

    Letting go is the hardest, especially when they don’t totally let you go. I am going through that right now. Got pulled back in by a man I thought it was all done with last week. Now he has backed off again and I have to lean back for me.

    Date myse4lf tonight pedicure time.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:58am

  62. 62: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    wtf did i do that was so bad? i was there for him. i listened. i am truly on his side with this bs his ex and sponsor guy are pulling. truly.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:07am

  63. 63: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    what if adam feels manipulated? like, i was only there being supportive to gain his trust and acceptance?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:10am

  64. 64: NitaNo Gravatar says:

    i went to a tango class and at first i felt ackward the men were my fathers age. I went ahead and jumped into it not to mention that it was sensual tango so they were really close, at embracing level. I felt annoyed at two of them one had armpit odor and the other had awful breath I felt so annoyed and mad. I was mad because they wanted to be so close and however choose to have bad hygene. I felt angry at another man there who was correcting me so much even though he wasnt the teacher and when the teacher would try to explain to the class he was also at the same time explaining and it made me so annoyed. I feel so annoyed when I am in these ackward positions I am willing to be close with these strangers and to put some of myself there, however I feel offended at the lack of on the other end. Couldn’t you use gum? couldn’t you use deodorant? couldn’t you stop bossing me and be nice? Im glad I went its all learning and Im glad Im tapping into my anger. needless to say I told mr. armpitts that I would pass on hanging out and no to giving him my number

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:13am

  65. 65: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    64 Nita

    start stripping. you can feel exactly like this but for money.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:16am

  66. 66: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    56:

    LG~

    :-)

    Love you.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:16am

  67. 67: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    How do I speak up for myself without being angry or aggressive? Just listed to Abraham Hicks and sense that was what I was doing in 8 above. I spoke up for myself and though I was feeling angry I was not being angry or aggressive. I can manage my energy.

    “I have not yet decided how long I am going to use you as my excuse to not allow my well being in or to cut myself off from clarity, and abundance. I am so mad at you that I will let go of life itself”. My goodness this Abraham Hicks stuff is brilliant

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:39am

  68. 68: SammieNo Gravatar says:

    FW, where did you find that Hicks quote in 67? That is priceless!!!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:58am

  69. 69: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 68 Here Sammie, LG posted it before http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofRVP3HzgXQ&feature=related

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 12:17pm

  70. 70: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    FW…yes…this is where I learned that anger can be a step up on the vibrational scale. We don’t have to stay angry, but it’s good to recognize it (and sometimes let it out/share it) so we can keep moving up the scale. (I LOVE what I learn from Abraham!) You’re right, it IS brilliant :-)

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 12:18pm

  71. 71: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @24: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…who is “Sweetie”? Is this a person in your life? Or is it a part of you (your boy voice?) Just curious to know …”

    All of the above at various times. Sweetie is my best loving self, my manifested beloved and soulmate, my little boy, my big boy, my guy in my thoughts. As invisible as Harvey the Rabbit. But it seems I can feel a presence sometimes.

    Every night since March 20, 2011, I ask the question “Are you sleeping with me tonight?” That’s for Sweetie so that I can practice having a man around the house. Arielle Ford’s “Soulmate Secret” says we must make space in our lives for our beloved so this is one way I do it. It’s fun…
    :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 12:50pm

  72. 72: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn…I’m so sorry you feel bad. I’ve thought of a few things while mulling over your story. I don’t know how long he’s been clean, but in AA/NA one of the basic rules is NO big decisions during the first year (which includes relationships.) Is it possible he wasn’t through the first year yet when you two got together? Or is he in his first year right now? This could explain a lot.

    It sounds like he just doesn’t have what you’re feeling you need right now from him. I wouldn’t think a guy who is still that affected by what his ex-fiance does is not in any position, emotionally, to start another relationship.

    I think your bff’s (at the end of #44) advice is very smart. Can you CD as long as it’s been established that Adam is not a bf? You sound very smart and very creative. I bet you can attract some very step-up men <3

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 12:53pm

  73. 73: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    71:

    SLV~

    I love your Sweetie.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 12:55pm

  74. 74: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 73 Lilybelle I have a male friend in my life who did that continuously. I used to laugh at him because he would even talk out loud to her when we were on the phone. He is n ow happily married to an old friend.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:04pm

  75. 75: SammieNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, FW #69! I looked at SS’s link and it was also quite great but not the one you had quoted. Today I was in a very low place with thoughts of needing more income and everything else feeling a bit empty and sad overall. Soooo glad to have found the Abraham links today! I want to live a more feel-good life!!!

    xoxoxo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:04pm

  76. 76: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 72 There was something to that effect in the Interview this month about men.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:05pm

  77. 77: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    SLV–ok, I get it :-) That’s great! I have heard the “Calling In The One” call and I understand what you’re talking about. When I fall asleep each night I pretend that “he” (my happily-ever-after) is holding me. I fall asleep feeling like “he’s” right there with me. (I try not to think of xbf because I’m trying to let go of the outcome and be open to all possibilities…and he is only one such possibility and may not step up enough for me.)

    I need to get going on clearing out my house (city-wide rummage sale coming up) so I have ‘room’ for another person in my life. There are lots of things I’ve been hanging onto that only serve to tie me to the past. I am actually anxious to get rid of this stuff. I’m excited about how it will feel to be so much ‘lighter.’ :-)

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:07pm

  78. 78: SammieNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    I love the way you talk with your Sweetie! It is so refreshing! So many things you say feel good and wise and light hearted! I love it!!!

    Sammie

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:07pm

  79. 79: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    50: kaitlyn says:

    you know what? i’m sick of men ‘going through their own process.’

    no regards to my feelings? i guess we women have to endure being treated like we don’t exist…because thats just how men are.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:48am

    To me, not thinking about him and focusing on lovin myself IS having regards for my feelings. When I think about him, I feel angry, guilty, scared, and pissed off. When I think about loving myself, I feel good.

    I am taking care of my feelings. I am regarding my feelings.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:13pm

  80. 80: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Fw – if we were working with Rori, she would have us express in feelings, from the first sentence, and the next.

    This is challenging, and it’s Crucial to her work.

    I’ve been here 4 year maybe more, since the blog started, people come and go all the time. Usually their reasons are not what we think. There are also SO many women who read and don’t post.

    It used to be that women came here, and rori would address newcomers. Then we would all get them practicing feeling messages on blog. Their first posts would get tweaked to feeling messages. This got them practicing Quickly!

    Then they would get to practice other tools and usually encouraged to Cd.

    Roris tools are lifechanging. I feel sad to think of women coming here and remaining stuck for a long time.

    The tools don’t Work if we don’t use them. And the tools like feeling messages, are usually uncomfortable to start using… Unless you’re part of a community … Like this blog, where you’re encouraged supported reminded, even pushed a little.

    I know u don’t think it’s so important to say them. And if Rori was working with you, she would make you say them. Part of the reason you think it’s not important, is because you haven’t experienced the amazing transformation and the way interactions soften when they’re used consistently.

    I feel dissapointed that u probably hate me or have resistance built up to hearing me, and I feel very ineffectual to push u towards practicing.

    It’s like math class. U know, the idea is to learn math, not just chit chat all day. Chit chat is fine, but were here to learn math.

    This is like Rori tools school, and expressing in feeling messages is like counting. Rori is not going to ‘let you get away’ with not using them, Constantly, of u are her client.

    I only wish I had been giving out more energy when you and the new batch of ‘resistant’ sirens sirens showed up, before the sisterhood of no-we-wont-practice.

    We had a long, what seemed like battle with Jaqueline before that, which ended in her practicing them almost a year later. Even Mercedes used a couple.

    Before, those were our main ‘dissenters’.

    Now it feels overwhelming.

    It often doesn’t feel safe to me, I hear u experience it as sunshine happy… And it used to be like that for me too. Now it feels more like slogging through mud. It feels a little unfair since this is my main maybe Only source of emotional
    support.

    I have overtime since built up my own ability to support myself, so I feel glad of that. But it sucks to come here and not have support, to see lots of judgements against me, and to see women Resist the very thing they came here for.

    Rori tools.

    Feeling messages are a must.

    To dissolve conflict – on blog – again, feeling messages are a must.

    I know I’ll never see it, because you haven’t experienced it. It’s like me telling u u can breathe underwater if u go down 20 feet. The thoughts are, ‘no way’

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:14pm

  81. 81: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    And I am not depending on someone else to act a certain way so that I can feel good.

    This cures fears of abandonment because I am not abandoning myself.

    How can I get mad at him when I am the one abandoning myself?

    Anyway, that’s where I am coming from. Not to say I always practice it, but I feel great when I do.

    Love you Kaitlyn <3

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:16pm

  82. 82: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Oooh! I have to tell you Sirens! I ‘manifested’ $20.00 today. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but this gives my vibe a boost up so I truly believe I can do this on a bigger level. This is the significant part.

    The $20.00 was behind a larger fridge magnet. It was money that my daughter put there to pay me back for something and I’d forgotten about it for nearly a year! I was so surprised to find it. (Not so significant….just details.)

    Again…the point is that now I am much more in alignment with what I really want. (There’s a process somewhat like this in the “Ask and it is Given” book (Abraham.) The whole purpose of it is for us to “get used to” the idea of receiving money and to focus on that—-rather than the lack of it or how badly we need it.

    I’m so excited about this. Totally unexpected and JUST what I needed right now. My money vibe has been in the pits lately.

    I know it probably doesn’t sound too exciting, but anything that can boost my vibe around money is exciting to me! ;-)

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:18pm

  83. 83: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, this is so interesting. Love this post!

    Exactly where I am. Been in the carnival observing my feelings….

    I did sleep today until 2pm. Woke up at 4am then 6am then 8am, felt blah and decided to read in bed. I fell asleep giving myself a hug and woke up at 2pm.

    mmh, how interesting… been under my bridge for some time now.

    It’s difficult knowing what to do with all these feelings…

    I’m noticing that I spend more time under than on the bridge or going higher.

    *Sigh*. Then I’m like ‘so what!’

    I’m choosing to love myself no matter what anything looks like.

    It’s more fun loving myself than beating myself up for stuff that isn’t even what I think it is.

    I’m home alone for the next 2 weeks… then some two months more… I didn’t go to the Big Apple…

    Some feelings around that… some peace and some guilt.

    I don’t feel like crying, screaming and stamping my feet.

    It’s more like sombre.

    It’s also peaceful, quiet… I meet people and it’s fun.

    Being by myself is always an amazing experience – exciting, insightful, controlled, serene, measured, expanding…. and more.

    Last night I put on my spinning ball in my studio and danced away in front of the mirrored walls all by myself. Was so much fun!

    I’m loving my studio more and more these days and spending more time here.

    The somberness definitely comes from not being in a relationship. I miss the dates, intimacy, friendship, sharing, caring-ness… then I feel like a complete blurb for feeling this way….

    Perhaps a bit needy…

    It’s like when life itself feels like one big soup – and there’s the complimentary soup of emotions to go with it.

    So soup… that’s me now :(

    Loving myself. Loving my soup.

    xoxo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:23pm

  84. 84: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @64: Nita

    B.O.? Oh, no! Can you get another partner? Someone age appropriate and yummy?

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:23pm

  85. 85: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG I said, no law enforcement on my profile, and.., I’m getting hella police officers. Lol!

    I feel amused!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:29pm

  86. 86: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @73: Lilybelle

    Me too. :wink:

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:29pm

  87. 87: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    #80/Daria It feels bad reading how we, who are on the blog lately, don’t measure up somehow. Between this and that we make the blog “boring” I feel uninspired to really get ‘into’ this. I didn’t know it was a competition or that we had to earn a place here.

    I come here for encouragement and to learn. I feel really sad reading that having me (and whoever else didn’t make the grade) on the blog makes it feel like “slogging through mud.”

    I know I should have just ignored this. I know better….but all I feel right now after reading your post is—-turned off and not good enough.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:32pm

  88. 88: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @77: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…When I fall asleep each night I pretend that “he” (my happily-ever-after) is holding me. I fall asleep feeling like “he’s” right there with me. (I try not to think of xbf because I’m trying to let go of the outcome and be open to all possibilities……”

    That’s it, exactly. Another “Sweetie!” I made space for him during the day too… he has a little reading nook with a big comfy chair…he’s not always here though, takes off to do stuff with the guys… :lol:

    :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:35pm

  89. 89: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @78: Sammie

    :D

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:37pm

  90. 90: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to ‘let go’ the anger I am getting triggered on the blog. I think last night I was holding onto it and I almost made myself sick.

    I want to forgive myself for putting myself in this situation.

    I want to forgive the other people that trigger me.

    I want to release this ‘clenching’ feeling.

    I love you Daria. I love you Daria. I love you Daria.

    My heart aches

    I love you heart . Thank you heart thankyou.

    I feel small, like 5 in the face of unfairness. Aha! It feels like being punished by my mom, where my feelings didn’t count against her overwhelming energy and it felt unfair.

    I choose to heal this.

    Angels please come amd heal this for me u have my permission thank u.

    Everyone thank u for triggering me.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:37pm

  91. 91: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    What do I do when he finally does contact me?

    This ‘be warm and open’ stuff is starting to make me feel like some sucker who is cool with men treating her like crap, blowing hot and cold whenever they see fit with no regards to my feelings.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:40pm

  92. 92: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Hearing my bff say via text:

    “Adam said he just needs a friend right now. You lost his attraction because you decided to ignore the word friend as you continued to sign off your emails with ‘xo’ and indulge in sexual innuendos in convo.”

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:44pm

  93. 93: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Flowerchild – sorry you’re feeling bad and triggered.

    U know, I think you’re doing great, and you’re practicing.

    I wasn’t referring to you, but to the people who came somewhat before u, people who don’t want to practice their feeling messages on blog.

    For you, it seems u feel guilt often, and take on responsibility for stuff that is not yours. That’s a boundary hole thing tied to beating urself up.

    What helped me stop consciously beat myself up was the ‘pit the hammer down’ tool Rori had. I imagine myself putting down the huge cartoon hammer i was bearing myself with, and instead, just feel what I feel. – which is usually stuff like humiliation, hopelessness, anger – intense feelings that I was beating myself up to keep from feeling.

    Thank you for telling me how you feel reading my post.

    It must seem like im blaming others and I can imagine that feels bad. I’m babystepping here and I’m coming out of a defensive place – I don’t feel safe,

    I also push myself, to say things I feel afraid to say, on a consistent basis, and I have a belief that this will make ne more likely to be attacked.

    The truth is it’s all My energy and that’s where the healing lies. Other people I just ‘hire’ to play out the unhealed patterns.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:45pm

  94. 94: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Daria you addressed this to me “I know u don’t think it’s so important to say them.” and I am extremely curious about how you know that or how I am thinking? I actually shared an experience above where I used them and I have been using them and sharing at times that even you reacted to.

    I don’t like to be pushed to do anything. When I am pushed I resist. Last time I checked it was human nature. I also hear Rori teaching about not pushing for any outcome, just being. That is what resonates with me.

    Interesting to see someone who calls herself a coach and have been pushing me in particular about judgementalism to be judging me and others as being “resistant sirens” even after sharing my feelings. I guess this is deliberate to send a message. I also guess if you would pay attention you would see it. I get the sense sometimes that you are so self absorbed that you only see things that are centered around you. I also get the sense that you are a self appointed Rori police. A lot of u’s. I know. Telling me though that Rori will not let me “get away with” feels constricted and controlling. I choose to make choices in my life.

    The world evolves and obviously the Rori blog has evolved. I appreciate and respect where you are coming from but I believe the world is a big place and evolution and growth is a natural part of life. Our full being includes intellect and thoughts. Though that might be the place we spend most of our time and yes we are trying to change that here it is still a part of my makeup that I love and embrace.

    Yes a happy place because that is the thought I choose. Isn’t it amazing how people are in the same place but experience it differently. Isn’t that how life is. I believe emotions are contagious so I prefer to emote happy sunshine ones.

    I also see Lucy directly address you regarding the judgement that you choose to ignore. Is this Law of Attraction working somehow? I feel there has been direct effort to draw me into conflict but I am not interested in that so I don’t respond to harsh voices.

    Imagine that you are all the way “over there” knowing what I have experienced, interesting. I believe in respect of and to people it is my place to allow them to be who they choose to be and share what they choose to share. I have shared my opinions about what I read, I know but generally out of respect for people’s choices I don’t believe anyone should be pushed in any particular direction.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:50pm

  95. 95: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 87 Can I redirect you to Abraham Hicks. Many things I usually don’t read.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:52pm

  96. 96: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Back the Carnival of Feelings on the ferriswheel “wwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:55pm

  97. 97: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee I feel happy to see you back here.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:57pm

  98. 98: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 82 Yayy Flowerchild. Sending my energy to help you manifest more wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeee

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 1:59pm

  99. 99: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    #88 SLV

    I’m glad you clarified that. When I started reading this blog more a couple months ago I thought “Sweetie” was your blog name for your actual boyfriend. I really like the idea of visualizing a sweetie, making room for him, and imagining what he would be doing or saying.

    I’m gonna get me my own “virtual sweetie”. What shall I name him? Hmm.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 2:00pm

  100. 100: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    99:

    Isn’t it a wonderful idea. Lily?

    I really admire how SLV has this whole process working for her…Sweetie has has own reading nook and I would dare say, though I don’t know for sure, that there are books there for him…the soulmate rings displayed in a pretty art form arrangement and I love, love, LOVE how they go out for coffee and walks together.

    I don’t mean to talk about SLV as if she isn’t here, I just appreciate this so much and I feel kinda gooey when I hear Sweetie mentioned…

    ~Lilybelle.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 2:41pm

  101. 101: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, okay….

    Sweetie has HIS own reading nook..

    Out the door for a CD with a MAN this evening.

    I even got to come home from work and get prettisul first. ;-)

    This is the one with FourYearAgoPoofer.

    Hee hee

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 2:53pm

  102. 102: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    100 Lilybelle,

    Yeah me too. Sweetie is a great partner.:)

    Better I think than some I’ve had in real life LOL!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 2:53pm

  103. 103: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    Hope you have fun with FourYearAgoPoofer Lil. Interesting, vedddy interesting. :)

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 2:56pm

  104. 104: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    I never know what’s right. This place is too confusing.

    a) be vulnerable. use feeling messages to express your vulnerability so you don’t look like you’re blaming, and also it gets the man to open up.

    OR b) think like tinque and keep your feelings to yourself because theyre youre graemlin voices; that way you can be warm and secure.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:01pm

  105. 105: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    i grab the trapeze, fall, and die in the carnival.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:03pm

  106. 106: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I hate carnivals and roller-coasters and any kind of amusement rides. They make me sick. Kinda like I’m feeling right now. :(

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:15pm

  107. 107: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn – Oh kaitlyn, I feel so bad you’re hurting and feeling confused. There isn’t one way or another way. All ways are useful and valid.

    You know the analogy of being able to see the forest or the trees? Can you instead see both?

    24 hours is such a short time in boy time as you have experienced. Give him a chance. He is feeling depressed. Depressed individuals tend to lethargy.

    Breathe my dear.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:17pm

  108. 108: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay! feeling excited
    HandsomeMan, who i thought was pushing for sex, has actually been consistent about calling and contacting me even though i sometimes miss his calls or dont answer his texts

    today he called and wanted to see me later, and i said ok

    i actually felt VERY OPEN AND SAFE in the convo with him!

    yay!!!

    i feel happy and excited!

    yay for me feeling closer and safer to HandsomeMan!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:25pm

  109. 109: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Shannon for the Abraham link!

    I feel more pull toward abraham stuff lately

    adding abraham to channeling ‘wat to do’ list

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:27pm

  110. 110: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FW – omg i feel so relieved you addressed this:

    `Daria you addressed this to me “I know u don’t think it’s so important to say them.” and I am extremely curious about how you know that or how I am thinking?`

    YAY! this is just NV stuff that was going on in my head “she doesnt think its important. she hates you and wont listen to you. blah blah”

    thank you for catching that – SMACK! in the catchers mit

    totally not about you

    these are fear nv’s and thoughts jumping around in my head.

    they are very familiar

    i think they’ve been with me for a Very long time

    it felt REALLY uncomfortable to “be” with the energy of what i was feeling like in my triggered state

    it feels so OVERWHELMING!

    I want to apologize to everyone for the judging and beliefs I wrote out and stuff I have done in my experiments trying to heal this…

    I felt carried away sometimes – meaning voices were “running” me

    It felt really stressful and I was engaging in SCREAMING

    NO!

    in as many ways as i could find

    and i love myself for that

    and at the same time, i just shifted my energy with some EFT and some abraham and…

    i feel so peaceful

    im feeling hte hotness, shame , agian.. these feelings are really overwhelming for me… they are remnants of a time when i was a child and didn’t have many resources to process this stuff

    i LOVE ME

    i love you guys for being here for me and triggering me to this stuff

    im choosing to believe that by “getting to” this “strong stuff” it means im really doing the BIG CHANGE work now, im down to the big scary ones that will bring tremendous and life transforming change

    its like Rori says… in the “through the tunnel” tool…

    I don’t have to climb my way out of the pits – wat i was trying to do

    I can just “let myself out” through the side door

    that feels so much more peaceful

    ***

    im noticing some tightening around my neck

    and in my tummy

    i am breathing through it

    i feel the red hotness in me again talking about this

    and that is OK!

    i love my redhotness i love me

    and that feels like a sigh of relief

    i love my sigh of relief :)

    and that feels like tummy gurgle

    and smile

    i love my tummy gurgle
    and smile

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:38pm

  111. 111: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Mel, sorry to hear that. (((((((Hugs))))))))

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:39pm

  112. 112: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @96: Femininewoman says:
    “…Back the Carnival of Feelings on the ferriswheel “wwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeee…”

    Me too. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I don’t see many carnivals and I haven’t been to a state fair in a long, long time … but I go to park playgrounds all the time.

    I’m sometimes up, sometimes down…Teeter-totter/seesaw… although I don’t see many of these anymore… but I usually have my heels in the air… on the swings…

    wheeeeeeeeee
    :D

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:39pm

  113. 113: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lily T and Lilybelle in the Soulmate Secret and also Rori recommends emptying a drawer, making space in the cupboard, setting table for him, clearing his side of the bed. I have done all that including taking pictures of my nieces, nephews etc family members out of the bedroom. I would not be surprised if SLV have done those too. Another recommendation is a vision board or scrapbook with pictures creating your dream life. Really awesome stuff.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:47pm

  114. 114: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @99: Lily T. says:
    “…When I started reading this blog more a couple months ago I thought “Sweetie” was your blog name for your actual boyfriend….”

    He is my *actual boyfriend* at the moment. Why not? Well, I’m not sure about the boyfriend-girlfriend deal. I’m kind of with Rori on that one. I think of him as my “partner-in-crime” or my teammate.

    Maybe “Sweetie” would like to visit the blog. He hasn’t so far…that I know of…

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:48pm

  115. 115: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 112 Isn’t it an awesome feeling? My heels are in the air with you wheeeeeeeeeeeee

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:49pm

  116. 116: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @100: Lilybelle says:
    “…I just appreciate this so much and I feel kinda gooey when I hear Sweetie mentioned…”

    Thanks for the kind words. It’s a happy thing to have Sweetie while I’m working on my stuff.

    :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:51pm

  117. 117: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @113: Femininewoman says:
    “…Another recommendation is a vision board or scrapbook with pictures creating your dream life. Really awesome stuff…”

    I made some space but I haven’t done a vision board or scrapbook. Did you make any of those? I recall first hearing about these things from you. Perhaps end of summer I’ll make a treasure board/vision board kind of thing. I’m coasting along spending time with me.

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:56pm

  118. 118: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, TINQUE.

    Trying to breathe and see both ways. I just feel confused as to which works when?

    He just txtd ‘Thank you…great pic.’

    I feel so mad I can’t respond. Is responding ‘You’re welcome’ ok? His self-esteem and depression is so shaky, that’s why I have to be so careful about how I word things, esp now that I’ve flooded him with compliments and admiration (a lean forward from me which he asked for), all signed ‘xo’ at the end.

    And not a single ‘xo’ back from him. He started off corresponding with me last month, signing his emails off ‘xo.’ I feel confused.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:57pm

  119. 119: retailtherapycatNo Gravatar says:

    I am sitting here on the computer and the man who came to see me tonight is asleep in my bed, I feel so angry that he does not step up, I feel so angry that I can not be successful in attracting anyone on a dating site. He would not cuddle me before he went to sleep – just said “go to sleep” he has been so non commital and I exploded told him he was all f”&cking mouth and no action.

    I am sitting in my living room contemplating getting out the sofa bed rather than sleeping in my own bed with this man that Ive fallen for, who has this complete stangle hold on my emotions, who holds me in his fist with no care….

    arrrrggggghhhhh!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 4:58pm

  120. 120: retailtherapycatNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so stiffled as he does not listen to me, I state my feelings, I am so wrapped up in him, he is so not wrapped up in me. I want to date other men, they text me and then fade away. They email me and then fade away. I want a man who will step up – I want this man to step up but I know he wont…

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:00pm

  121. 121: retailtherapycatNo Gravatar says:

    Why do I want this charismatic exciting man, who makes me tingle when i get a text or a phone call from him…

    Why do I want someone who is not available to me….

    Who tells me that he is not in love with me, he is just having fun…

    It does not feel like fun to me – but then text and tingle

    Damn my emotional response to him… damn it

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:03pm

  122. 122: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 104 kaitlyn I am not sure that Rori suggests there is a “right” way. I have seen her suggest experimenting to see what works for you. She says to lean back when you are sure you are coming from a place of needing something in return, seeking some outcome. I have seen her encourage people to lean forward if you need to prove to yourself that being the boy does not work. If you are a Rockstar and can feel like “whatever” you can lean forward. I am pretty sure I have seen her say blurting out “in the moment” is sexy. I remember Mercedes responding to that, maybe you weren’t here yet.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:04pm

  123. 123: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    retailtherapycat,

    i love your name. i had a major barney’s addiction before i had to live like a normal person. ugh.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:04pm

  124. 124: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe kaitlyn his thank you great pic means xoxo.
    I understand the confusion. It took me a long while to figure out the xos that were being “voiced” in other ways.

    Even if he doesn’t mean it this way (though you will never really know), imagine this is what he means. If you have to make it, and I suggest you do, make it up good.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:04pm

  125. 125: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    tinque,

    thank you. xo.

    lolz seriously, thats a good way of looking at it. but does it mean i’m being positive and light? or does it mean i’m being delusional?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:07pm

  126. 126: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 121 That sounds just like what Johnathan Aslay describes about the chemical reaction we feel in this month’s Interview with Rori. It is the hazards of chemistry that we get when we get hooked to the Alphamale confidence. It is intoxicating because it feels good.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:08pm

  127. 127: retailtherapycatNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Kaitlyn, even window shopping is retailthrerapy – it means a lot that I am not alone on siren island tonight.

    Not ignored by everyone, even if I am ignored by this man.

    I wish you freedom and resources to shop at Barneys!

    xx

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:09pm

  128. 128: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Neither. It means you’re manifesting. If nothing else you will feel better in the moment.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:10pm

  129. 129: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Alrighty, so what do I say to Adam? Just ‘you’re welcome’ ???

    i want to look kind but not like some crumb taker like i’ve been looking like. do y’all feel i’m looking like a crumb taker lately?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:12pm

  130. 130: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 117 No scrap book with I have an email from Mind Movies that have some pictures that come very close to my perfect life. I watch it often.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:14pm

  131. 131: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    carnivals remind me of insane clown posse whom i hate.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:15pm

  132. 132: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 127 retailtherapycat I wondered in the past why guys seem to roll over and fall asleep after sex. I heard a coach and have read about the hormone excretions that causes that. I guess Tinque might be best to elaborate on that. I am wondering if you did before he fell asleep?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:19pm

  133. 133: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am watching Sex and the City. Charlotte so reminds me of the cat so serene and relaxed in her silence sometimes.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:23pm

  134. 134: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    #113 FW, I like the idea of creating a scrapbook of my “dream life”, I’m really going to have think about what that would look like, start getting some images off the net, as I don’t subscribe to magazines. Thank you!

    #114 SLV,
    Sweetie on the blog? Rut Ro, another masculine voice, yikes! :)

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:23pm

  135. 135: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn,

    You are so funny. I love it when you let it loose. :)

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:28pm

  136. 136: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FW – i just started reading the rest of the post, but it felt bad, and i felt punched in the chest

    i skimmed a little and felt worse

    i don’t want to read it anymore

    i don’t want to feel judged either…

    as far as pushing, coaches push, a little bit.. its part of the job

    how and when to push is a skill that i don’t feel very confident in all the time

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:32pm

  137. 137: VioletNo Gravatar says:

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

    — Eleanor Roosevelt

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:33pm

  138. 138: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 134 I know of coach after coach who recommends to get really clear on that.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:38pm

  139. 139: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel heavy hearted

    i love my heavy heart

    and that feels like…

    sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feels like

    giglle

    i love my giggle

    and that feels like

    more smiling

    i love my more smiling

    and that feels like

    bright eyes

    i love my bright eyes

    and that feels like

    pressure on chest, big breath

    i love my pressure on chest, big breath

    and that feels like

    more smiling

    i love my more smiling

    and that feels like

    tuning out

    i love my tuning out and that feels like

    giggling

    i love my giggling and that feels like

    burping!

    i love my burping

    and that feels like

    more burping

    i love my more burping adn htat feels like

    hiccups

    i love my hiccups and that feels like

    gurgle in my chest

    i love the gurgle in my chest and that feels like

    pinch on side and big smiles

    i love my pinch on side of chest and big smile

    andt hat feels like

    pressure on chest

    i love my pressure on chest

    and that feels like half ywan

    i love jmy half ywan and that feels like

    tingling in mouth and tummy

    i lov emy tingling in mouth and tummy and that feels like

    giggling

    i love my giggling

    and that feels like

    half yawn

    i love my half ywan and that feels like

    giggling loud

    i lvoe my giggling loud and that feels like

    smile

    pinchisn nose

    i love my pinching nose and my smile

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:39pm

  140. 140: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i love you part of me that feels very angry that im allowing people around who are judging you and hurting you

    im sorry for doing that to you and allowing them in our space

    i embrace you and am telling you you are PERFECT, you are DIVINE< you are beautiful and a blessing!

    and those peoeple who seem to be attacking you are divine and perfect in themselves, they actually don't mean to harm you beautiful baby

    i know you feel scared… awwww

    i want you to know you are safe, i am taking care of you

    they are just triggered and fighting mirrors pretty baby!!

    i love you love you love YOU

    you are AMAZING

    you are LOVE

    you are so perfect

    thank you for being you

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:45pm

  141. 141: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    #138 FW

    A couple weeks ago DE shared a really good quote about visualizing what you want to create it. I meant to copy and save it, but I forgot.

    DE, if you’re reading can you submit it again? It was by Katherine_____

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:47pm

  142. 142: VioletNo Gravatar says:

    Suggestion:

    Perhaps it would be best served not to direct comments towards people that ‘trigger’ negative emotions?

    Sometimes the best response is no response at all.

    ~ Violet ~

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 5:49pm

  143. 143: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes FWn it is hormones. Please no one take it personally. Even K as sensitive and cuddly as he is will doze off.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:03pm

  144. 144: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 141 Hope she does. I might have missed it as I don’t remember it.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:04pm

  145. 145: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    there must be a part of me that feels very angry upset and abandoned

    who screams “who are you !!! who are you to talk so loud! youre NOT supposed to!”

    who are you to live freely and uniquely and want to change the world?

    who are you to not do stuff out of responsibility, and launch on a path to shift to doing what you want only

    Abraham is bullshit!

    get back here and be a good girl!!!

    get back here and BE responsible, be an adult

    be an adult even if youre 5 6 or 7 or 8 or 9 its not an excuse!!!

    remember the 9 year old who raised 3 siblings

    you have to do that”

    who are you to defy norms?

    who are you to step up and be different

    who are you to decide that reality is malleable

    who are you to decide that life is not hard after all

    dammit life IS HARD

    an d its your job to continue living it, HARD

    not easy!”

    rarrgh

    i feel so out of control with you going all free like this!

    i feel scared!

    i feel ignored

    i feel invisible

    i feel like i dont matter, like you dont like me, i feel abandoned ”

    i feel like im “different” than you and i dont want to be like those people you are like!”

    i love and embrace this part of me

    i am in charge

    and thank you for trying to protect me

    and im going to go on flying out of my cage anyway

    im going to bloom my heart wide open

    im gonna show my power

    and i wont abandon you

    i embrace you

    i feel lik eim in a firestorm hurricane

    i love my firestorm hurricane

    mmm

    hot and windy and reaching out for the lil part of me that is separated

    i love me

    i love you little part of me

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:13pm

  146. 146: VioletNo Gravatar says:

    I really like how Rori used, The Carnival of Feelings as a euphinism.

    This type of writing creates a visualization and enables me to understand the ‘bigger picture’ of viewing emotions in a pleasant environment.

    I could create any environment in which to explore my emotions. It’s like creating a space in my head that feels secure and untouchable by negativity.

    One place I’d like to visualize is a rock that I used to sit on when I wanted to be in my own space.

    I would contemplate the great expanse of the universe and my relationship within it.

    Sometimes I felt insignificant. I didn’t feel like I belonged with this microorganism of people living on the face of the earth.

    Now I realize how significant each and everyone of us are. It’s unfathomable to grasp the meaning of this.

    Rori used ‘The Carnival’ in her example. I used that rock I sat on. What’s really great is that there doesn’t even need to be ‘a place’ to experiment with emotions. It can come from within.

    There is one place that supercedes all others. That is intimacy with God.

    ~ Violet ~

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:22pm

  147. 147: DENo Gravatar says:

    Lily T #141:

    Wow, i feel touched u liked the quote…:) Give me a minute here…in the middle of cooking …saute prawns with garlic and steamed jasmine rice with vegetables…of course, garlic too :)

    Warm hugs,

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:22pm

  148. 148: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “im going to pretend that you are as i want you to be, and ignore that you are as you are

    and as i get good at pretending that you are as i want you to be, you will become irrelevant, because i will be a vibrational match{ … to what i want… }”

    from Abraham hicks

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:25pm

  149. 149: DENo Gravatar says:

    Quote:

    “Until you are able to see yourself living the life that you truly want, it will be difficult for you to create it.” Kath*rine Woo*ward Thomas.

    Is this the one?

    Warm hugs,

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:29pm

  150. 150: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    Thanks DE! Yes that was the one.

    Now I have it saved in a file: Wisdom from RR blog

    Warmest hugs back to you. :)

    (Wish I was there for dinner – yum!)

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:33pm

  151. 151: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the feeling is fear, lots of tingly HOt fear, hmm wow!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:35pm

  152. 152: DawnNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, 148 Feels perfect !!!!!!!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:40pm

  153. 153: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    85 Daria LOL That is so funny!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 6:54pm

  154. 154: DENo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn:

    I know u are hurting and u are feeling confused…please believe me, i was u not that long ago…

    The fact that u have begun to cry, express u vulnerability…it’s just the beginning to a new U…

    When I first allowed myself to just be without caring what “he” or “she” might think of me…I cried a lot…sometimes even out of the blue…but u know what??? I felt better and stronger each time…

    Crying does not mean we are weak…to the contrary…

    Here is how I see u situation…

    You are both two wounded people…i imagine an ocean…both of you fighting for air…u holding him (like u do know, being his bs friend, listening to his whining…”)…Well, this picture reminds me of being a mother…Do u want to be Adam’s mommy???
    On a different note, I sense you are strategizing…that is why u are feeling confused…

    When I sense confusion, it is when I try to rationalize and not listen to my spirit within me…confusion means, my integrity is not aligned between my mind and my spirit…something worthy looking into..

    When I decided to cut J loose, it was because I finally accepted being wounded…very wounded animal…i needed to retreat and regain my strength…a good human being would understand…but selfish (in a toxic way) individuals don’t…so, honoring myself…not abandoning myself meant to cut all communication till I felt better…

    This is not selfish…this is the most loving thing to do…with someone…unless he/she is u kid…but even then, there are limits…

    Also, I feel extremely curious, if you read/listened to any of Rori’s programs…and if you would consider a coaching session with Rori/Tinque/Daria…It is sure much worth giving up a Versace purse/year (which by the way, i love fashion myself)…:)

    Warm hugs,

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:01pm

  155. 155: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @119: retailtherapycat says:
    “…this man that Ive fallen for, who has this complete stangle hold on my emotions, who holds me in his fist with no care….
    …arrrrggggghhhhh!…”

    Some heavy artillery and a change of perspective could be called for here. This post Rori put up might be helpful.

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/does-he-love-you-unconditionally-evan-marc-katz/
    Love, Rori
    Friday, 19 March 2010 @ 11:56am

    :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:33pm

  156. 156: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @130: Femininewoman says:
    “.. I have an email from Mind Movies that have some pictures that come very close to my perfect life. I watch it often…”

    Cool. 8) Do you have the Mind Movies software? If not, the short Animoto vids are free to make and the longer ones aren’t too expensive if you don’t need a commercial license. About $5 month or $39 for whole year, something like that… for making unlimited videos automatically. Fun!

    Check it out. Your children will probably like it.

    http://animoto.com/

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:44pm

  157. 157: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmmm, SLV. Thanks for the link! I feel really great reading that post. I was actually having the same thought about my sweetie today. Appreciating how he loves me unconditionally.

    I was feeling insecure earlier today. I had an appt to get my hair cut and by the time I left, I felt so insecure. I liked my cut but I felt frumpy and less than for some reason being there.

    And I came home and he was so sweet and uplifting and complimentary and I felt sooooo much better.

    I feel so relieved that I chose the man who loves me unconditionally instead of the one who excites my chemistry.

    Still want to work on my own confidence so that the salon visits don’t get me down.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:45pm

  158. 158: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    DE: I’m feeling excited about the idea of partying with you on your birthday. Are you in PDX?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:48pm

  159. 159: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: Wanting to tell you that you have helped me out a lot too. I feel admiration for your vibe here. I love how straightforward and direct you are. I love how you share your ideas and perspective and knowledge from lots of different coaches.

    Something you said earlier today inspired me to write about masculine energy. My phone is about to run out of juice. Will write more in a bit.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 7:52pm

  160. 160: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @157: Laughing Goddess says:

    You’re welcome. I particularly like that qualifications break down into
    1) how he treats you
    2) everything else…. :lol:

    Yep, I think those are my guidelines for this year and next.

    “…Still want to work on my own confidence so that the salon visits don’t get me down….”

    What about the salon visits?????

    :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:00pm

  161. 161: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: I am also really appreciating you today. I feel some real commonality with you. I’ve really appreciating watching your evolution over the years here. I feel confident that you will make an excellent coach. Another thing I really appreciate is that in my personal interactions with you, I have seen that you really walk your talk. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the intenstiy of your emotion yet I think I get where you are coming from and I appreciate who you are and your willingness to speak your truth.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:01pm

  162. 162: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    #157/LG Whenever I to to get my hair cut/trimmed–I always feel like I look frumpy, as I sit there looking in the mirror :-( Just so you know you’re not alone.

    Also–is it just me? Or is there something about Wal-Mart bathrooms that make us look just hideous?? I never notice this at Kohl’s Department Store or Target, etc. But when I use the restroom at WM, I think, while I’m washing my hands and looking in the mirror, that I need to get out there and buy every beauty product they make!! My daughter and I laugh about it. I don’t know if it’s the lighting or what…

    At least I can laugh about it…

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:04pm

  163. 163: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SLV: I feel uncomfortable in the salon world. I don’t really use all the expensive products or wear make-up but I do appreciate a good haircut. And it seems like lately when I go into salons, I end up leaving feeling bad.

    The stylists can seem to understand that I like my grey streaks and I don’t want to cake my hair with products.

    And normally I feel confident and happy with my looks but not when I go to the salon, I usually end up leaving feeling frumpy and less than.

    And I know it is my stuff, my own insecurities. I just feel like a fish out of water in that world. :-(

    I love me anyway and I like it better when I see myself as beautiful.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:07pm

  164. 164: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    The stylists **can’t** seem to understand

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:10pm

  165. 165: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    162 Flowerchild said
    Also–is it just me? Or is there something about Wal-Mart bathrooms that make us look just hideous??”

    OMG…laughing so hard at this! It’s so true! Just for the record, I look pretty bad in the Target bathroom mirrors too! haha thanks for sharing!!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:15pm

  166. 166: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Flowerchild: I have noticed that I look really different in some mirrors. It’s so weird how when I am in my own space or among friends, I usually feel confident about my looks but then when I go to certain stores, or the salons, or am around certain people, I don’t.

    I’d like to feel more confidence and unconditional love for myself.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:16pm

  167. 167: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Has anyone had someone say they’d call you back and didn’t? Steve said he was going to call me back tonight when his sister walked in and didn’t. I told him I was going to sleep at 9.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:21pm

  168. 168: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    #166/LG This is EXACTLY how I feel. And, yes. There are times when I look in the mirror and like what I see and feel good about it. And then other times I just want to crawl under a rock because I feel so ugly and lumpy and just yuk…

    THANK you for sharing this. It helps me to not feel so hopeless about changing these things to know that it’s not just me who feels this way. I sincerely thank you.<3

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:28pm

  169. 169: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @163: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…The stylists can seem to understand that I like my grey streaks and I don’t want to cake my hair with products….”

    I know that part. I avoid beauty salons. Maybe I’ll return this year… It’s like looking for a good doctor. If you want to keep trying you might find just the right stylist. I hear women that do find them, would rather give up their boyfriends than their favorite stylists…. don’t even mention giving up the colorists… LOL :lol:

    :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:30pm

  170. 170: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    113:

    Oh yes, I have the book and have been clearing space and making room AND am moving into a new apartment next weekend.

    I am on the lookout for SLV’s soulmate rings as well. I have bought ribbon to hang them from my curtain rod in my bedroom with.

    I used to keep the “extra” space in my bed filled with books and journals and such. I have quit that over the last couple of months and keep that space clear. One time, I tried to talk to MY sweetie and he denied me. He told me “we” weren’t quite ready yet but did say he was coming.

    I believed him. I also took it to mean that I had some more work to do.

    As AH says, you will never get “it” done.

    I am closer.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:31pm

  171. 171: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @167: Jeannette says:
    “…Has anyone had someone say they’d call you back and didn’t?…”

    Yes. Sometimes I don’t call back either; I get busy, slips my mind or I fall asleep. We catch up with each other sooner or later… LOL :lol: Don’t worry about it unless you think Steve has taken ill.

    How’s the bike? Still taking it out? I think about you whizzing along when I see the teenage boys on their bikes in the park. And I saw a much older guy today on bike, musta have been 70ish maybe…
    Go, Jeannette

    :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:37pm

  172. 172: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: you mentioned something about masculine energy recently and it got me thinking.

    From what I have seen, Rori is all about us using our masculine energy. She totally encourages us to use channel it towards expressing our purpose in the world.

    It’s my understanding that the key is awareness of when we are in masculine or feminine.

    And because we are so comfortable being in our masculine, it helps to practice being in our feminine which is why circular dating is so helpful even if it’s just in the form of being feminine in our interactions with people we come across.

    The main thing is, masculine energy isn’t bad…but it’s probably not going to get us the relationship we ultimately want.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:38pm

  173. 173: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Jeannette, yes I know that feeling. I’m thinking that Steve is probably very tired all the time and that it doesn’t take much to wipe him out energy wise.

    I’m sure you’re sick of hearing ‘reasons’ why Steve does or doesn’t do things that hurt you, but I really think that to have ‘no expectations’ right now would be the safest place for you to be coming from.

    If you can think of yourself as giving back to the Universe–just giving back–not expecting anything in return, I think your vibe would change and you may be able to bypass feeling anger and resentment…two things that will hurt you…and only you. <3

    I know it's hard, but I just think he is not able to deal with much, as sick as he is. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you–it just means that his body is failing him and he's probably doing the best he can until he gets a new liver.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:40pm

  174. 174: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Senior Lady Vibe, well I’m not 70ish but still no spring chicken!!! Yes I enjoy taking the bike out. I even stand up on it and let it coast like I did when I was a kid! Thanks for getting back with me kiddo!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:40pm

  175. 175: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @170: Lilybelle says:
    “…I used to keep the “extra” space in my bed filled with books and journals and such. I have quit that over the last couple of months and keep that space clear. One time, I tried to talk to MY sweetie and he denied me. He told me “we” weren’t quite ready yet but did say he was coming….”

    I still have my bed desk, I’m looking at it right now, a little stack of DVDs and a couple legal pads. Sweetie just accepts me as I am… I feel kind of guilty sometimes… I can almost hear him sigh but he cozies up anyway… :lol:

    Are you searching different supermarkets for the rings? I think you will like collecting them once you find a place or two… The ribbon idea sounds interesting…

    :D

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:42pm

  176. 176: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    154:

    DE~

    I felt this, right to my heart:

    “When I first allowed myself to just be without caring what “he” or “she” might think of me…I cried a lot…sometimes even out of the blue…but u know what??? I felt better and stronger each time…

    Crying does not mean we are weak…to the contrary…”

    Owwwwie…. My heart aches.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:43pm

  177. 177: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @174: Jeannette says:
    “…Senior Lady Vibe, well I’m not 70ish but still no spring chicken!!! …”

    Compared to the guy I saw today, you are a newly hatched chick! :lol:

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:45pm

  178. 178: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone,

    Mel… thinking of you, hope you are holding up ok.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about me feelings, and I have been resistent to talk in feeling messages a lot, because I’m not just a feeling person, but a thinking person… and I don’t want to just know how someone else is feeling, I want to know what they are thinking. I also am pretty easy to read, wear my heart of my sleeve type person, so my feelings are often evident by my body language. Is it really necessary to say I feel happy when it’s obvious? I don’t have a poker face… I am easy to read. So, big question here…. do I really need to talk about me feelings so much. Do I have to say, I feel tired… can’t I just say, I’m tired?

    I think I’m an emotional person, but in a typical day… I’m pretty even keeled. I often feel the same emotions, happy, proud, concerned, frustrated, disappointed, excited, etc… but I rarely feel extreme emotions like rage, depression, thrilled, etc. But the more I think about the WHY’s in my life, why don’t I feel broader emotions…. the more I think they got lost along the way somewhere. I like to feel normal. In my marriage, lots of huge moments, good and bad, my divorce was devestating, more huge and draining emotions…. maybe I’m afraid to feel those emotions again, so I’m holding back? Being just “normal”. Maybe I protect my heart by not feeling. I like to think about the Why’s… I always get an answer, and sometimes, like tonight, something I hadn’t thought of before.

    Any ideas sirens? Anyone else notice this about themselves?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:48pm

  179. 179: DENo Gravatar says:

    LG #158:

    Wow, really? I feel happy if would be able to come up to PDX :) Let me know :)

    I read about your insecurity around beauticians…/or unfamiliar faces…

    Gosh, I feel vain next to u :( I wouldn’t go out without makeup…and my white hairs…make me feel very contemplative…to say the least :(

    If I am home, yes, I don’t mind hanging out in my pjs, hair down, and no makeup…but when I walk out…yep, I beautify myself…and I admit it does help me face the unfamiliar spaces…and people…

    I am the kinda of “friend” that has “inspired” all of my friends to do the same…i get bored with one look (including hair, makeup, designs)…hmm…wow…i sound “pretentious”…hmm :( it feels bad saying it…

    warm hugs,

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:50pm

  180. 180: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    It has been quite an evening.

    *sigh*

    Good night, Beautiful Sirens.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:52pm

  181. 181: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: I was responding to this post

    29: Femininewoman says:

    ps I know we are practicing being in feminine energy but still our boy are a part of us.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:57am

    and ps, for what it’s worth, I get a really feminine vibe from you, especially when you are speaking of your interactions with men

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:52pm

  182. 182: DENo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle:

    Oh, I feel u :(

    Big warm hugs,

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:53pm

  183. 183: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @179: DE says:
    “…i get bored with one look (including hair, makeup, designs)…hmm…wow…i sound “pretentious”…hmm it feels bad saying it…”

    It sounds fun to me. Are you in a particular style mode at the moment?

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:54pm

  184. 184: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    I made a photo/quote board with poster board, magazines, markers, stickers… whatever I had, and it’s on my frig. I LOVE IT! It says Time to Thrive in huge letters, surrounded with pics of my favorite things and what I want for myself. I made it months ago though… and thinking about it now… I am kinda stuck. I did get a raise at work, which I really wanted. I made a new amazing friend… and the hot guy’s back in my pic… does look a lot like Mike2.. but a lot of what I wanted and put on there are way down the road big dreams. Maybe I need to add more small goals to keep me motivated. It’s going to be a long time until I have the kind of job to earn the money to have that big victorian home with the wraparound porch and rose garden. Stargazing and photography are on there…. I can do those now. In fact, I have been taking tons of pictures of my girls. I need to do some scrapbooking… love that. We have this amazing telescope, and there is a stargazing field close by. In the summer they have these star parties, people take their telescopes and they have huge ones there, the workers show you amazing constellations, and the amatures are all set to something different and will answer questions, help you set up, etc. I want to do that soon. It feels good in my soul when I stargaze. I feel satisfied and peaceful.. I love those feelings.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:55pm

  185. 185: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Goodnight Lillybelle! Sweet dreams….

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:56pm

  186. 186: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    SLV, you and sweetie totally inspired me. Everytime I look at my passenger seat full of crap, I feel guilty and clean it up for my sweetie when he shows up. :) My bed is empty, and I just bought new bedding…. but I rarely actually make the bed. I should do that. I haven’t let Mike2 sleepover yet. I have candles in my room, it’s clean and smells pretty… but I don’t expect anyone to see it most of the time, so I rarely make the bed. Hmmm… new habit to form.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 8:59pm

  187. 187: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @184: Turquoise3 says:
    “…We have this amazing telescope, and there is a stargazing field close by. In the summer they have these star parties, people take their telescopes and they have huge ones there, …”

    Ah, something new for me to explore… but for now I’m only going to see stars in my dreams. Almost midnight. I’ll say good night.

    xoxo
    SLV

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:00pm

  188. 188: DENo Gravatar says:

    SLV

    Lol…At the moment, it’s what i call the night style…pjs and robe…lol

    I am not trendy by any means SLV…My style is really “my” style…:) I appreciate fashion to the extent it speaks to me, my heart that is :)

    Warm hugs,

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:00pm

  189. 189: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    DE:

    Oooh, I feel sad to hear you wonder if you sound pretentious. I love looking beautiful too. My passion is more clothes though. I’ve always struggled with the hair and make-up thing. Never could really make it work for me. It seems like less is more for me in that arena.

    I love it that you get all dolled up.

    I know I do feel much more confident meeting unfamiliar people when I am feeling well put together.

    This beautician thing, I know it’s a reflection of my own judgments about myself and there is some big healing there for me in regard to my confidence and self-esteem.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:04pm

  190. 190: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise: “Maybe I need to add more small goals to keep me motivated”

    I feel good about that idea. I’m going to do that too.

    Your description of star-gazing gave me tingles.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:08pm

  191. 191: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: when I said I think you will make a great coach, what I should have said is I think you already are and will continue getting better and better.

    I feel a lot of admiration for how you are stepping into the role if being a coach. It seems like you are really starting to own it and I feel inspired seeing that.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:10pm

  192. 192: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel worried that I have dropped the ball on some conversations here and I feel too lazy to go back and find the posts. If I had my computer I could just do a search for them but I’m on my phone right now and I would have to scroll through and well, that’s just not going to happen. Hurts my eyeballs.

    Rusty, I know you wrote a few posts to me a while back. I’m not ignoring you, just not sure where they are.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:14pm

  193. 193: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Thanks LG :) And a day trip to the beach is in store very soon… I can think about my feelings more when I’m thinking about the environment, and how I actually do feel in those places.

    I love the beach… and it’s just Lake Erie, but I feel like I’m at the ocean. Sand between my toes, a wild wind whipping my hair around, waves crashing, sunshine blinding me and warming my skin… remembering all the summer vacations there as a child… I FEEL so much when I’m there. I love how I feel there. The next two weekends are booked, and then I’m taking off for a few days. I just planned that right now, but I need to be in a place where I feel so much and then think about what I really do want, and what needs to happen in my life. I don’t want to feel stuck, or like I’m crawling to where I want to be. I want to skip through my beautiful journey………. just wish I knew where it was taking me.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:15pm

  194. 194: NitaNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn hahaha I know right? atleast stripping makes money
    SLV yeah that felt so ackward and I felt obligated to do something I didn’t want to. I used to think I wasn’t receptive enough and I was working alot on Rori’s waterwheel and recieving but I feel like I was misinterpreting. She also talks about rock and also about tapping into our feelings and feeling whats comfortable. Just because I dont want to dance close with mr. armpitts doesnt mean Im not a feminine recieving person, it means that I felt uncomfortable and to take action from that feeling and make some space. I was so caught up in being receptive that I danced close while holding my breathe haha. Ok so Im realizing that you have to do what works for you. there is a balance from feeling, recieving, yet also being a selector…the tango class made me reflect alot on my relationships because i deal with these situations all the time lol

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:15pm

  195. 195: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Nita, I say good for you for finding a way to make it through! I don’t know what I would have done, but I don’t think I would have danced. I might have let those stinky men ruin for me, and then blame them for why I didn’t tango. Hmm…

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:18pm

  196. 196: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn,

    I think you are doing really great. This is all hard, when to be vulerable, when to lean back, when to be open and available.. and I struggle with that too. When do I get to say, hey… you are totally sucking right now. What about me? I feel like to do all this, I’ll be ignoring my feelings or saying my feeling and feeling like a complainer. For example Mike2 left last Thurs. for Virginia. He came over Wed. night, tried to plan a nice date with me and the girls, but then didn’t pay for anything and bought cigars, so I was put off. He called me Thurs. and left a message, which I replied in a text, have a great time. I didn’t hear from him all weekend, which is the first time ever since our first date, that I didn’t hear from him everyday. I was busy, he was busy.. ok I thought, no big deal. Well, Tues. I texted, and asked if he was having a good time. He replied, yes… lots has changed here, it’s really grown. (he lived there) I said great and didn’t hear from him. He came back Wed. night. I was in a crappy mood, got my period, went and had an amazing dinner with my sister, was relieved he didn’t call and ask to come over because I didn’t feel like it. Today, felt kind of bad that he’s been very warm with me, and I’m holding back. So, I texted to ask if he was back. He replied, we texted a lot… but basically he was in a very frustrated mood, had to help his mom with a bunch of stuff, and knowing tonight was my last night without the girls, he said he had something to do tonight, but MAY be able to see me tomorrow. MAY. I hate that.
    I replied that was too bad, last night without the girls, and that they’d be home tomorrow and I really wanted to spend some one on one time with them because I hadn’t seen them since SUnday. He replies… Damn….

    I said I’d have a few hours free after work, and he said, Ok sweetie. I’ll see what I can do.

    I know I leaned forward… but the few times I have texted him a good morning or a smiley, he always responds how much he loves that, so thought I’d reach out a bit.

    What I was really feeling was frustrated. How can you seriously have no time to see me tonight when you’ve been gone for a fricking week? I can’t say that. He was already stressed. Do I bring it up when he does call me? Or do I let it go, and receive what he can give me?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:27pm

  197. 197: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    FlowerChild 77, I need a whole new brain not to expect anything and just give to the universe. Another words, I shouldn’t even think of Steve as my fiance and just serve him, is that what you mean? Like a service project or something? I am an emotional creature, I am not going to pretend anything. I will give but I don’t want Steve just thinking that is what I’m here for, know what I mean? He can give back too, just in small ways. Really that is all I want. I hope this doesn’t come across as bitchy. I am a very giving person in my own way.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:31pm

  198. 198: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Quote:

    “Until you are able to see yourself living the life that you truly want, it will be difficult for you to create it.” Kath*rine Woo*ward Thomas

    DE I really like this quote…

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:35pm

  199. 199: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Jeannette… have you ever been close to anyone else who was severly ill? My sister had cancer and she died from it about a year and a half ago, after 8 years of fighting it. She had breast cancer, but it was her liver failure that killed her. There would be days upon days where we’d call… and she wouldn’t answer, or call us back. Sometimes she was just too tired, others she said she just felt so depressed that she didn’t really have anything good to talk about. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I think the vibe is here that lots of times people say they’ll call and don’t… but that Steve has a very good excuse to not call.

    I’ve often thought that if my exhusband were to get injured, paralyzed, etc. in Afghanistan, and couldn’t care for himself that I would want him to move back with us and I would take care of him. Not because of what type of relationship we could have now, but because he was the most important person in my life for a very long time, and if he needed me, I’d still be there for him. And he’s my ex! Unfortunately, you are not in a normal, engaged relationship with a healthy person who is planning ahead. He’s just trying to get from one day to the next. I know you’ve mentioned that he doesn’t seem to want you there, or for you to stay long periods of time. My sister was that way too.. She explained to me that it was just too much for her, to feel like she had to talk and be social when she felt so horrible. In trying to put myself in her place… I thought about when I was my most sick, with an awful stomach flu, cramps, migraines, and in none of those situations did company sound good. I just want to be alone when I don’t feel well.

    Steve probably just doesn’t feel like himself at all, or want you to see him feeling weak. I doubt he feels he has anything to give you right now, he’s facing his brother’s mortality, which I’m sure makes him think about his own… this might be the best it gets for a long time.

    Did you have any luck with those spouse support groups? Might be the best thing you could do. Get some support for the relationship outside of it. I hope things get better!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:43pm

  200. 200: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    199 Turquoise

    I feel sad reading your post about your sister. I am soo sorry! My heart goes out to you.

    Much love to you. hugs.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:46pm

  201. 201: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise and Kaitlyn:

    “When do I get to say, hey… you are totally sucking right now.”

    I hear what both of you are saying. It sucks when the guy is not stepping up and treating us the way we want to be treated. It sucks! We know we deserve better and they are not doing it. We feel pissed!

    This comes from leaning forward with a man. Guys do things we want them to do when they are inspired. It has to come from within. They have to think it is their idea. No man has ever treated a woman better because of nagging…period.

    Okay, I know I made some strong statements there. I feel a little uncomfortable with that. I don’t like absolutes. I hope y’all get what I am saying though.

    This is why leaning forward doesn’t work. Basically we are creating an imaginary relationship. Kaitlyn, in your case, Adam clearly told you he isn’t ready to be a bf to anyone. I agree with what your bff said. You can’t change how he feels by being nice to him and trying to boost his self-esteem. That is not what builds attraction.

    It’s our feminine mystique that build attraction. It’s our mystery, the challenge of trying to win us, their admiration for our way of interacting with the world.

    Turquoise, why are you leaning forward with this guy? I feel so angry hearing his responses. IMHO, this guy doesn’t see you as a challenge. He is taking you for granted. Make him work for it.

    These guys need a challenge. They need to win. It’s hard-wired into their brain. They don’t value something if they don’t have to work for it.

    You two deserve way better treatment. I say, quit making it so easy for them.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:49pm

  202. 202: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria and Sirens, yay me! I practiced feeling messages with the guy I met online, this time I told him “I don’t want to be on the phone too long,” and “I feel good about meeting you” and he immediately said yes let’s meet up sometime soon! What’s your schedule like? He was kind of akward and chatty but I just listened, and he offered to come meet me here in my town, we live about an hour away from each other.

    I’m not sure about him yet overall, of course, but I will give it a chance! Maybe meeting him this weekend.

    Thanks for your coaching Daria and the other sirens for support…I feel happy that I was able to express myself!
    I’m off to make tea and toast, then to bed. nite nite!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:49pm

  203. 203: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    The balance is to be a challenge while still remaining warm and open.

    Warm and open does not equal easy.

    And it’s hard to stay warm and open when we are also feeling needy towards them. We need them to act different so we can feel better.

    And We are also placing them on a pedastal thinking they are the only one who has te key to soothing our emotions so that we feel better.

    Guys can sense when we are in that space and they go runnin because ultimately they know they can’t fill those shoes.

    Men want a woman who knows how to soothe her own emotions.

    And that is great for us because then it means we are not dependant on them. They are more like the icing on the cake rather than the cake itself.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 9:56pm

  204. 204: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    The cake is us, our life, our relationship with the world.

    I truly believe that until we make it about us, until we become somewhat self-centered, we will not have the relationship we want.

    When we are feeling really into our lives, it’s feels very easy to stay warm and open. It comes naturally because we are happy and feeling good.

    That why focusing on our vibe is so crucial. When we are doing what we love and feeling proud of ourselves, we are sooo attractive.

    Not to say we have to be rockstars all the time. Vulnerablity is important too.

    But a guy feeling like he is the main source of our happiness…not good.

    It’s a balance. I get your concerns Kaitlyn. I really do.
    What do you think/feel about what I have said.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:04pm

  205. 205: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise 3, thanks for your powerful words. I want to come from a more loving place. I was just laying on my bed thinking of all the bitterness my mother knew and how unkind my step father would be to her and to us. Bitterness is a serious thing. I want to be healed from all the bitterness from my past. I want to be a woman who rises above past hurts and just be thankful for all the good things and people in my life. I know Steve was brought back to me for a reason. This is an opportunity for me and that is where I want my heart to be. Believe me I don’t vent to him like I do to all of you. However, I want to come from a much more joyful place no matter where I am. Thank you for sharing and I am very sorry about your sister’s passing. That must have been hard for you…It sounds like you learned a lot from your experience that you are able to share.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:05pm

  206. 206: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    And circular dating helps us not to be needy because we have other people to fulfill our social needs.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:07pm

  207. 207: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Turquoise, I feel so touched by your post to Jeanette and also in agreement with everything you said.

    Jeanette, I feel for you in this situation. Hopefully he will be able to step up in the way you want after the liver transplant. It sounds like you are feeling trusting that you want to stay with him right now?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:14pm

  208. 208: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, nice!!!

    I’m off for a snack and then bed too. Goodnight all!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:15pm

  209. 209: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    LG, I get it… totally agree… but where I struggle is with the being vulnerable and open, yet not getting taken for granted. I feel like we aren’t supposed to complain. Basically I heat that we can say this feels bad, and then wait for them to ask why, and get in the conversation. Part of the problem is I communicate a lot by text message. I guess when it’s something I don’t like, I should say I’ll talk to you later about this. Crap… crap crap.

    I got asked out by a guy last night who went to my high school and will be in town for 3 weeks in July, he lives in Florida. I said sure, and we haven’t even chatted. I don’t even remember him, he’s like 6 years older. I also heard from an interesting guy on POF, he told me to write back if I’m interested in a date. I didn’t write back yet, wasn’t sure what I wanted to say… his profile says he has a boat, loves starry nights on it. That sounds nice, but I’m getting men who jump right to asking me out and I don’t know much about them. I’ll reply tomorrow.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:18pm

  210. 210: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Emerson and Jeanette, thank you. Was awful. She was one of my closest friends, not just my sister. Maybe that is part of why I don’t really feel anything too big… I’ve had tremendous grief. I even lost a brother to suicide when I was a child. I grew up in a family where emotions were held in. My mother is a very strong woman.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:19pm

  211. 211: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Thank you LG. :)

    I really like your cake analogy…. I want to be the cake AND the frosting… he can be the sprinkles :) lol.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:21pm

  212. 212: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    And this weekend I am full of plans! My girls get back from camp tomorrow… they’ve been gone all week. I can’t wait to hear all about their adventures and see their pictures. We’ll spend the evening talking, eating and unpacking. Saturday morning they have a playoff softball game, and then we have the late morning and early afternoon to ourselves. My youngest was invited to go see Taylor Swift Sat. night with a friend for her birthday, so I decided to get my oldest and I tickets too. She loves TS, and her birthday is in August, so it’s an early present. We all have floor seats! AND… we are taking their boat down. How cool will that be? A boat ride down the Allegheny to go see Taylor Swift? I love making memories with the girls like that. So exciting!!!

    Sunday we have a father’s day picnic at 4 at my sisters. So, we can sleep in, make some food and just relax.

    I’ll be CD’ing my girls, friends and family all weekend and I LOVE it.

    Mike2 who???? :) We’ll see if he steps up, but i’m leaning WAY back from now on. Thanks LG for telling me what I already knew. So easy to slip back into that same old place.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:28pm

  213. 213: Turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Tonight I went out for wings with Mike1 (friend) and we talk a lot about our dating stories, compare notes… the women he dates DO NOT KNOW RORI!!!! OMG, they blow up his phone, tell him they love him after 2 dates, tell him to take down his profile, want to be together constantly… lol. So good to see how far I have come!

    He did tell me though, he really likes when a woman chases him a little… and helps with domestic stuff. Making a bed while he makes coffee, helping with dishes when he cooks, nothing outrageous… but he likes that stuff. He is 36 and still single though, so maybe that says something.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:33pm

  214. 214: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    “This is why leaning forward doesn’t work. Basically we are creating an imaginary relationship. Kaitlyn, in your case, Adam clearly told you he isn’t ready to be a bf to anyone. I agree with what your bff said. You can’t change how he feels by being nice to him and trying to boost his self-esteem. That is not what builds attraction.

    It’s our feminine mystique that build attraction. It’s our mystery, the challenge of trying to win us, their admiration for our way of interacting with the world.”

    But Adam begged and pleaded with me that he needed me to listen so he could vent. And that’s what I did. I just listened and didn’t give advice. I also did it because it was the most open he had been with me in a long time and told me he can’t be this open with people and that he trusts me.

    What am I supposed to do? be heartless and say ‘You’re strong. you’ll get through this. K thanx bye.” and hang up?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:39pm

  215. 215: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    PLus, if I didn’t listen and boost his self-esteem when he asked, he’d lump me in with all those other exes he complains about who don’t show their support and are selfish.

    and at least i didn’t offer to do other things like offer him to stay at my place when he was going to come to la. or offer to pay his health insurance he can’t afford.

    plus, his mom was super emotionally abusive. i don’t want to be in that’women are b1tches’ category. i’ve already proved my subpar girlfriendness by running off to a foreign country on a hook3r job.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:45pm

  216. 216: SammieNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn,

    Not sure if LG went to bed…

    Me thinks that what was meant (LG will clarify) was the building up of the self-esteem things that were said rather than the listening.

    And, I so understand as I have a guy who constantly wants his self-esteem raised. He wants me to give him lots of positive feedback. And, sometimes it feels like too much!

    xoxoxo to you Kaitlyn!!!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:47pm

  217. 217: SammieNo Gravatar says:

    I want to be adored. I want my feelings to be the most important. I need to make my feelings the most important!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:49pm

  218. 218: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    And days ago when he asked for an email list of good qualities to make him feel better, I wrote him this. (it’s something we asked of each other when we were dating)

    All I got was a thank you and a story about how girls always thought he was ugly. I just wrote back ‘you’re gorgeous. i’m an artist…i know what i’m talking about. and everyone knows i have great taste. xo’

    *you are thoughtful and considerate.
    *you hold your friends dear.
    *you learned guitar at 9 yrs old.
    *you’re not in a band; you are the band.
    *no one writes like you.
    *you always overcome the most difficult sh1t.
    *You have flawless bone structure; I love your face.
    *Your c^m tastes amazing.
    *You can do the most deviant things and still be all man.
    *you make me feel warm and protected.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:50pm

  219. 219: SammieNo Gravatar says:

    Some people are more in need of feeling better about themselves than having the ability to be in a true love relationship unless they grow into a better place. That’s what I think I have come across. I want a guy who feels good about himself and me!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 10:59pm

  220. 220: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    87 Flowerchild. Wow! Brava! Brilliant use of Rori’s tools/FM’s to express yourself! That felt really good to read bc you were vulnerable and authentic without blaming or judging. That kind of expression will build intimacy w the right man… it came across so gentle. You’ve got this. <3

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:02pm

  221. 221: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    What do I do now?

    And I still havent answered his text saying ‘great pic, kait…thanks.’

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:14pm

  222. 222: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    I thought I was doing a good job of John Gray’s advice where he says men want appreciation, men want a good listener when they wanna vent.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:15pm

  223. 223: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise 3 re 196

    I would not let it go. I would tell him in FMs and then lean way way back again.

    Drop the relationship ball.

    xoxox

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:34pm

  224. 224: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Heyy everyone (: soo there is this guy I will call him “boo man” haha cuz he always calls me boo. . He is sweet.. he sweettalks a lot. . . But there’s a problem, he gets mad at me a lot. If I say no to something and tell him how I feel about it, or if he asks me a question and I tell him the truth, not giving him the answer he wants, he will say something like… “Ohh you’re a mood killer.” And he will get all angry, I’ve told him that it makes me feel sad that I make him upset, and that I just want to be able to talk to him without making him mad or frustrated, and sometimes he tells me what he’s feeling and other times he gets defensive.. And when he does tell me what he’s feeling, it’s not long before he gets mad about something again.. Sometimes this makes me really upset and it makes me feel like he is just being immature and it kinda makes me not want to talk to him at times. . . I do like him, but he just does things that make me not want to respond to him at times… And another thing I have realized, is that I don’t really know how he feels about me.. And I definately want to know. I know this post is kinda long, sorry about that there was just a lot to tell but if you could give me any advice on what to do and what to say to him, that would be great.
    Thanks everyone (:

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:34pm

  225. 225: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I feel a strong desire to tell you that I feel very safe with you and appreciate you. <3

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:38pm

  226. 226: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel happy reading the comments about vision boards/treasure maps. I made mine last week and I Love it!!! I felt so good making it and the result is so beautiful and joyful. It is hanging on my bedroom wall. Our library has lots of old magazines patrons can take/cut from, so I had tons of things to choose from! I allowed intuition to guide me. Putting it on my bedroom wall changed the whole vibe of my room. Exciting!

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:44pm

  227. 227: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    To FW: I agree with Lucy, I feel that your advice always makes me feel more confident(:

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:45pm

  228. 228: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    TINQUE,

    I feel worried that I have decreased his attraction by being a good listener and boosting his self-esteem when he asked. Also, I kinda told him days back that I worried being so supportive and kind would put me in the friend zone and kill his attraction.

    He said:

    ‘troublesome that you think of my friendship as a demotion. What I need right now is a friend. And I don’t mean my guy buddies. I mean you. This feels like you wouldn’t be here listening unless it’s in hopes to reel me in as a boyfriend. And right now I’m not fit to be anybody’s boyfriend.’

    Like a dummy, I called him on the phone crying after that email, saying ‘This feels bad. I feel confused. You want me in nyc one minute then the next you don’t want to be my boyfriend.’

    He said we both need time and patience.

    Then the next day, he wants to talk dirty. So, what do I do? Engage in dirty talk. I’m such a horrible Siren Student…ugh.

    Then day after that, he calls and wants more reassurrance in the form of our good ol’ Great Things About You emails.

    Do I need to lean back now because I’ve overfunctioned so much and probably embarrassed myself?

    If so, how do I lean back? Is it ok if I just respond to his thank you text with a ‘You’re welcome’ and just leave him alone? Or will it look like I’m game playing?

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:47pm

  229. 229: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    …and as you can see from above posts, i emailed him the list of things to reassure him, like he asked.

    i really feel like i ruined things for good. he prolly sees me as an ultimatum giver. and a crumb taker.

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:50pm

  230. 230: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    I like you, too.

    Kayla,

    not longer than my posts. lolz

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:53pm

  231. 231: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    p.s. my treasure map is specifically a “soulmate” one… lovely, romantic, sexy, fun….

    Thursday, 16 June 2011 @ 11:53pm

  232. 232: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    speaking of forest through the trees, i’m shaving my legs later.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:10am

  233. 233: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn:

    It sounds to me like what you are doing is mostly working. The listening sounds good. And the list of his qualities that you appreciate, awesome. And I feel relieved that you didn’t offer for him to stay with you or to pay his insurance.

    I also feel good about that you are waiting to answer until you feel sure of what you want to say.

    I really don’t think you’ve made any big mistakes with him.

    Yet you are feeling frustrated and vulnerable to him abandoning you. So what can we do with that? Because that’s what is really important.

    From what I gather, it sounds like you feel pissed because you are making efforts to lift him up and you are not getting that back from him. He’s not answering in a timely manner and not showing expressions of love like xo’s and such.

    Is it possible that you are over-compensating because you feel guilt about the Paris thing?

    How would it feel to say something like this?

    Adam, I feel soooo happy to be reconnecting with you. It means so much to me. I hear that you don’t think you are ready to be a bf. I hear that and I trust that you know what you need.

    The thing is, I feel attracted to you and it feels hard to look at you as only a friend. And I am feeling challenged in this situation.

    What do you think the solution is? I want to feel happy connecting with you yet I notice myself feeling tense and upset that things aren’t happening the way I want them to. I see that this is a pattern of mine and it doesn’t feel good to go down that path.

    *******

    Would you feel comfortable saying something like that?
    Does that feel right for you?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:13am

  234. 234: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn, how do you actually feel reading his last text? (If it were me, I’m guessing I’d feel a lil sad – wanting more – and a lil happy just to hear from him. Rori says we are to Feel all our feelings – so, I’d allow myself to fully feel the sadness – yet choose what to express, and I would choose to express the happy feeling. I would probably just send a :). That is taking responsibility for our own feelings, not making the man responsibile.)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:20am

  235. 235: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I wrote that before I saw your last post. I wouldn’t say anything or at most, you’re welcome.

    It’s not game playing, its just not overfunctioning. It’s letting him lead. You aren’t taking on the responsibility of keeping the conversation rolling.

    Listening and supporting is fine but worrying about his self-esteem is more in the direction of getting in his business. And it makes men feel mothered.

    Also it sets up the dynamic of you being the emotional nurturer which then leaves you feeling like your needs aren’t getting met.

    I feel weird writing because you were writing to Tinque and I feel uncertain if you even value my perspective on this.

    Mostly I feel really good about what you are doing and I see room for little tweaks. I’m rooting for you.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:23am

  236. 236: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, babe. I value everyone’s perscpective even when I ask for a Siren in specific. Hope that helps. xo

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:24am

  237. 237: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Sending a smiley sounds lovely to me. But if I send nothing (as you then suggest), won’t that give the message that him leaning fwd is unappreciated? Rori says be open and warm to a man when they lean fwd, right?

    And what about me asking him later ‘hey there. my life rocks, but i’m not having the greatest day today. can i get a ‘great things about me’ list? thatd feel so good to read.’

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:28am

  238. 238: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – thank you for your comments to me. wow. i feel honored

    i love you :)

    i admire the way you walk your talk also, in the life you are creating for yourself

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:37am

  239. 239: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Emerson!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:41am

  240. 240: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    “‘troublesome that you think of my friendship as a demotion. What I need right now is a friend. And I don’t mean my guy buddies. I mean you. This feels like you wouldn’t be here listening unless it’s in hopes to reel me in as a boyfriend. And right now I’m not fit to be anybody’s boyfriend.’”

    The message that I get from this is that he thinks that once he becomes your boyfriend, there will be expectations on him that he’s not sure he is in a place to fulfill. He knows certain things are important to you, like christmas, and he doesn’t know if he can live up to that.

    Yet he really likes you and values your friendship and who you are.

    And he still feels attracted to you, hence the sexy talk.

    But he doesn’t think he can be the boyfriend you want. And he doesn’t want to deal with the pain and fighting that comes from disappointing you.

    But he likes you and is attracted to you.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:43am

  241. 241: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i went out with mom

    felt sad, in restaurant

    started feeling like crying and held it back… then remembered Rori saying to go to the bathroom

    went to the bathroom and cried and fell to my knees (in the restaurant bathroom yes)

    then felt the grief in my heart fully for the first time

    it passed gently and quickly

    went back

    it felt fun to watch the movie with mom

    then got home, my dad got us chocolates!

    i felt good, and i opened the box, its my birthday laptop im typing on

    feeling really comfortable and pleased in bed now

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:45am

  242. 242: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    237: kaitlyn says:

    Sending a smiley sounds lovely to me. But if I send nothing (as you then suggest), won’t that give the message that him leaning fwd is unappreciated? Rori says be open and warm to a man when they lean fwd, right?

    And what about me asking him later ‘hey there. my life rocks, but i’m not having the greatest day today. can i get a ‘great things about me’ list? thatd feel so good to read.’

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:28am

    I like the smiley face. He did lean forward but he didn’t really give you much to work with, ya know. Smiley face feels good to me.

    And ya, the other sounds awesome too. Especially if that’s a thing that you two do for each other.

    It might be a little odd out of the blue but in this case, I love it. I would maybe wait a bit, like you said and just lean back a little for now.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:49am

  243. 243: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    A very Sireny song inspiring SURRENDER…dedicated to all y’all…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPqV4ipyMsg

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:01am

  244. 244: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    237 Kait. I would definitely respond in some manner. Not sure where you read a suggestion to send nothing….?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:04am

  245. 245: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Wait, I’m confused on Kaitlyns post when she says that Rori says to be open and warm to a man when he leans forward. But in a newsletter from Rori it said that overfunctioning and trying to make a man feel better will only push him away.. Does this mean that you should just listen and pay attention but not really give advice to a man? because I think I may have made a mistake talking to “boo man” on the phone today, he told me that he was in a bad mood and so I told him that I was going to get off of the phone because I didn’t want to make him more upset than he already was, and of course he got defensive.. Now I realize that I wasn’t being very warm and open. Ughh soo many mistakes that you can make :/

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:08am

  246. 246: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Kayla,

    hmmn good question. as for myself, i can say i definitely just listened to adam and did not give advice.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:11am

  247. 247: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LG thank you. I am thankful to all you sirens who give me feedback. I know I am not “perfect” and I embrace my humanity and all its parts. Turquoise regarding the “I feel” my thinking is you have nothing to lose in trying it on so go for it. I think it is great that you are musing about it. It is something that I have been using for years just not all the time. I use it more since I found Rori, but when I am comfortable doing so.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:17am

  248. 248: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn, I honestly think that is the best route to go, because if he is leaning forward and opening up to you then he is obviously looking for some sort of comfort… But not the type of comfort that his friends and/or mother can give him.. Maybe he is looking for the type of comfort that only a woman he feels a connection with can give him… If any of that even makes sense. Lol

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:18am

  249. 249: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Kayla, no advice-giving and no taking responsibility for his feelings (“didn’t want to make him more upset”). Think of it as a big picture of Trusting Him – you trust him to solve his problems, you trust him to manage his own feelings, etc. So, mostly just listen. This is part of why I don’t like the phone. In person, he would see the silent empathy of my countenance and the warmth and openness of my body language. I avoid phone as much as possible.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:22am

  250. 250: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Kayla it is the vibe, you can say anything to any man. What struck me in your comments was that it was partially focused on him and how you concerned about making him feel. You told him he was upset so he took it personally. He might even have thought that he was affecting you negatively. Remember in life there are contradictions. Just because someone says they like chocolate does mean we give them a truck load of it, it can get too much.

    Regarding Rori’s post about the man, I believe in context it refers to a masculine who wants to be giving and protecting. The key is in knowing if the man is in feminine energy and would appreciate that. Awareness is key here because I have seen her advocate that sometimes we have to change the steps in the relationship dance. She says giving advice is disrespectful to the masculine when you have chosen to be the feminine.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:23am

  251. 251: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 248 Kayla he will feel it in the silence, especially if you listen at level two. Put all your attention and focus on him and let him feel that you are there with him. Lucy is so spot on.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:25am

  252. 252: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    248 yes :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:26am

  253. 253: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn just a thought…… The list is awesome but unfortunately it could create the impression that you are trying too hard or trying to convince him of something. It is one of the things CCarter talks about. I am not suggesting holding back just that you be aware about the energy you put out. It is funny how it works when we are not fully aware of all our intentions. I would encourage you to sometimes pause rather than reacting immediately, it is something I am learning to do. I will see if I can find that email from CCarter who talks about that. The good thing is that it could get him hooked on your positive affirmations so his love tank gets full. The dilemma is when it is full he might not seek connection at that time. He might also wait a bit until it starts running down again before he moves toward you. Don’t know if that make sense but I would encourage you to really pay attention to what you create and try to find that balance that works for you. I believe every relationship is different.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:33am

  254. 254: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn I have to admit I didn’t read all you had written before writing earlier on now I see this “This feels like you wouldn’t be here listening unless it’s in hopes to reel me in as a boyfriend”. He feels your vibe, he knows what your goal is and in my humble opinion he might need to feel that you are interested in him as a human being. He might need to feel you connecting with his spirit. I would find a way to share my passion for life my dreams for my life my connection with something bigger than me, whatever that is for you. Then ask him how about you. I might be wrong but I sense that is the subliminal message he is sending. Don’t know if this makes sense

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:01am

  255. 255: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn,

    I usually let R have the last word when we are communicating. I will respond to his stories or questions or compliments but if he sent me a ‘thank you’ I would not respond. I would receive the thank you with a smile and then go back to my own stuff. I don’t feel the need to keep the conversation going. If I felt resentful that I am giving more love than I’m receiving then I would not send a smiley. I would lean back and wait for him to pick up the oars. I notice I feel resentful when I am over-functioning and coming from an insecure ‘expecting a particular outcome’ vibe. I find the visualization of holding the man with tight fists and then releasing him with soft, open hands helps me feel better.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:02am

  256. 256: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 228 I don’t think it was bad it shows your passion for the relationship and wanting to do it right. As Rori recommends be the cactus sometimes. Let him bring his watering can and fill you up. You seem to be sharing the real you and I believe you are getting awesome practice right now. I also believe it is a process that time and healing with mold.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:05am

  257. 257: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 255 Kyla I said in my mind brilliant. The coach in the interview this month used his parents as an example and said he teaches that the man should give at least one percent more so the female gives 49% and the male 51%.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:07am

  258. 258: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a lot better today about moving and R following later. There is really nothing I can do about it. With visa’s and emigration paers, there’s not a huge amount R can do either, he’s really doing his best already. Yesterday I was letting my toddler though a tantrum. I want things my way and I want to stomp my feet and scream and cry to get what I want :)

    So I sat back and took a day off ‘doing’ (outside of work) to take care of me. I took a long bath, tried a new hair style, had a nap while he made dinner, caught up with friends on the phone and spent time by myself on the internet listening to feel good songs and reading articles and the blog. I felt worn out, tired and depressed and needed to give myself some space.

    Today I’m smiling at my toddler stomping and crying. I love my toddler. It is always putting me and my wants and needs first, regardless of situations and other people! I can hug my toddler and say its ok to feel angry, sad and afraid. Everything will be ok. I need to trust that everything is working perfectly.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:13am

  259. 259: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    I just received the interview cd this morning. I’m looking forward to listening to it later after work :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:14am

  260. 260: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    “He might need to feel you connecting with his spirit. I would find a way to share my passion for life my dreams for my life my connection with something bigger than me, whatever that is for you.”

    I honestly don’t know what that is yet.

    Does that mean I have no business in being open to love until I find my purpose on the planet?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:15am

  261. 261: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    That is what some coaches suggest. The difference is you are already “in a relationship” and it seems both of you have healing to do. I would encourage you to find something but don’t give up hope in yourself. I believe something to this effect came up before. Maybe connecting with something voluntary where you can put some of your energy into doing something for animals or people less fortunate than yourself.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:26am

  262. 262: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    that sucks. i still don’t know what i want to do with my life further than shoot naked girls for magazines. meanwhile, i’d like to volunteer for dressforsucess.org but their next interview for that is a long way off.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:32am

  263. 263: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    meanwhile, i just out-ed myself if anyone’s lurking.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:33am

  264. 264: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 262 I would start by asking myself. It is a way to focus on you. Remember Mel has shared that her husband has started to question his life. I believe it is a clue that most of us get there eventually. You want to do that now so you can invite him to join you in your fabulous life. Give him something to look forward to.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:35am

  265. 265: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    So far he thinks my life is great and he loves my work. I’ve mentioned that I’m trying to go beyond porn. But I didn’t tell him I don’t know what that means for me. Trust me, I ask myself everyday what that means. I have no idea. And I haven’t asked him advice on my life because right now he’s flat broke and in between writing gigs and living spaces.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:38am

  266. 266: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Nor does he ask much about my life.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:41am

  267. 267: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, Steve and I are still in need of a miracle. Neither one of us have much income so really this isn’t a relationship I see lasting. He is the poorest man I’ve ever dated financially and I would be carrying him that way the rest of our lives if we were to remain together. A miracle is what is needed….pretty much all the way around. I still feel impressed to help him through this no matter what.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:46am

  268. 268: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Am feeling a bit sad

    Just talked to a man and told him I had been feeling lonely…

    He said ‘I couldn’t feel lonely if I wanted to’

    ‘I have so many family and cousins and I have a lot of friends too, they keep me busy’

    I feel jealous. This is what my brothers had that I wanted so much. And then I had it for awhile w them but now since I started leaning back w men … And also everyone doesn’t hang out in the same spot as much….

    I ‘lost’ it. It seems so unfair.

    I remember some of my brothers complaining that someones always knocking on their door and I remember thinking I wish I had that problem.

    I feel like I’m extremely attractive and well liked as company because people fawn around me, but when it cones to having a web of friends and people calling me to get together it’s minimal.

    I know I probably have had months where no one has called me.

    Maybe not but still.

    I feel dissapointed and upset like god is playing a big joke on me and setting me up this way.

    :(

    I guess there’s a way to be extremely grateful for this reminding me of my desire…

    Sometimes I think I don’t even want to be married I just want a network of friends calling me.

    I don’t feel lonely for a relationship with one man, the only time I think about that is when I’m falling in love w someone.

    I feel sad.

    And I feel double mad and discouraged that I ‘worked so hard’ to manifest that and felt so blessed when it came true…

    And then for it to slowly just drift away again to nothing.

    My phone stayed poppin.

    I feel too angry to try to visualize it into being because I don’t want to fight so hard to keep it while it drifts away, even if I Do get it.

    Maybe I’m just not meant to have happiness.

    That sounds like the right belief.

    I’m feeling sad, and I feel compulsively committed to Not let myself hope, again.

    :(

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:43am

  269. 269: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm this reminds me a bit of the way I’m experiencing the blog…

    Paradise lost

    This is probably a pattern for me. Could be some remnants from feeling like I lost everything when I moved from Romania

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:45am

  270. 270: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    At least I’m no longer missing sex

    Am feeling all into this
    Woe is me phase

    I don’t want to feel good about anything.

    I want to feel bummed and sad and left out and powerless to create the life I want because

    It involves other people contacting me and I’m not suppose to control them

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:51am

  271. 271: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Jeannette))),

    I can relate….wish I knew an answer for you.

    Love, Brenda

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:35am

  272. 272: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 267 Jeannette it is one of my beliefs that things usually work out. The Universe conspire on our behalf. It is not always necessary to push to have any particular scenario play out. Yeah, miracles do happen.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:45am

  273. 273: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda thought about you earlier and this song started playing in my mind and spirit “You are always on my mind, you are always on my mind”

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:46am

  274. 274: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 233 LG and kaitlyn that reminds me of the post Loneplum sent to Mel. It also reminds me of Gay Hendricks and other coaches suggesting that sometimes things happen and we get stuck in the emotions of the past. Somes until we go back and deal with that in our relationships we cannot move forward. The theme of abandonment has also come up and I am wondering Kaitlyn if there is anywhere in your life that you are abandoning yourself?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:57am

  275. 275: may_cathyNo Gravatar says:

    I like so much this blog,i want to try the free download but i can’t get it cause i dont have any credit cards and atm..i want to post my feelings also here,to share all my experience also as a woman. How could be possible to be a part of here..THANK YOU

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:03am

  276. 276: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 224 Kayla I think him calling you “boo” is his way of saying he sees you in the future and that you are his “the one”. I have experienced the “boo” calling also and iit kind of felt weird because he wasn’t really moving the relationship forward so I just went into the whatever mode and totally dropped the ball. I take it that in the moment that is how they feel.

    I would encourage you to look at Rori’s post about men getting mad. It also seems to me from what you write that he might have a pattern of blame for some reason. I would explore how I feel around the blaming and try to share to find a way to share that. I don’t like to and don’t want want to feel blamed. I would also pay attention to my communication to see if I am also doing that because it could be reflected back to me.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:04am

  277. 277: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I hate that he’s deciding. I hate that someone needs to “decide” if they love me. That feels terrible.

    I feel like my actions are under constant scrutiny. Like I can’t do or say anything negative because that will tip the scale, so to speak. I don’t know if this is true, but it’s how I feel.

    But the thing is… I’m sad. All I want to do is cry. I’m barely holding it together right now, so it’s hard to be the “happy” wife. I’m just letting myself cry. He just sits there, uncomfortable. I don’t care… what am I supposed to do? I’m sick of pretending.

    LonePlum… I’m just letting go of that leash though. You would be proud of me. :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:04am

  278. 278: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 275 may-cathy there is a lot of information below to the right of your screen. I would encourage you to read through them until you figure out how to buy the book. You are a part of here.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:06am

  279. 279: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 277 Mel I might be wrong but I believe he is deciding if he wants to “share” love not if he loves you. I believe he does love you.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:08am

  280. 280: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have come to appreciate that love have different languages. What is yours Mel, what is his? Do you think you could learn to speak his language or if you could learn a language together?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:11am

  281. 281: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, LG Kaitlyn thanks.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:14am

  282. 282: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 209 Turquoise3 I would use one of them to practice feeling messages on, just to see what you could create with it and to feel my discomfort using them. Or maybe be surprised that they are not so bad after all.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:19am

  283. 283: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I just finished reading again two comments you made on this thread and I sense your anger? Is it finally coming out? Or is it still a little covered by the sadness? I am wondering if it comes out if the feeling can be shared without “being” angry?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:29am

  284. 284: MelNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    The past few days I have felt like screaming, breaking things, punching something, punching HIM… but I’ve done none of the above.

    I feel really, really sad. But also really, really angry.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:31am

  285. 285: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    284:

    Anger is an emotion, imo, and I believe you have every right to be pist off. I can’t understand why it shouldn’t be allowed to be angry…so that you can get to the deeper underlying emotions.

    We are human after all and I think it’s important to feel it all rather than coat it or hide it. It doesn’t have to be directed AT him so that he sees and hears it. I would scream my fool head off.

    One time, I was so angry about something that I went out in my garage, grabbed a golf club, took it outside and beat the hell out of the ground for about five minutes. I can’t tell you how good that felt. I yelled, I screamed, I raged..and when I was done…I cried, sobbed on the ground in the middle of my yard. I was spent and it felt so good.

    Did it solve anything? Not for the person I was angry with but it sure did help me.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:40am

  286. 286: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Part of what I am struggling with now, is that I didn’t get angry enough during those years…hence becoming the queen of stuffing. I’m sure feeling it all now.

    I guess that is good even if it is really, really hard.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:43am

  287. 287: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like going to the dollar store and buying a bunch of glasses and then taking them outside and smashing them. I don’t really feel like cleaning that up though… so maybe that';s not the best idea.

    Lillybelle, I wish I had a golf club! That sounds like fun! The neighbors would think I’d lost it though. Somehow that makes me laugh! :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:46am

  288. 288: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    287:

    Mel, go find a bat, a big stick, anything and have at it.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:49am

  289. 289: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yayy Lilybelle I felt the energy. Mel I remember sharing my anger with someone and our relationship get so close after that. I believe the key is in how one shares that. That might be what he is afraid of right now after all that he has done. But I will not encourage you to focus on his behavior. Focus on that anger maybe try tapping on it. There has to be a way of feeling it and letting it out.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:52am

  290. 290: MelNo Gravatar says:

    *Imaginary fantasy…*

    LOL…

    Him (texting me from his campsite): “How’s it going?”
    Me: “GREAT!”
    Him: “What are you up to tonight?”
    Me: “Smashing things. :)”

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:53am

  291. 291: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe even a boxing gym and go at that puching bag.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:53am

  292. 292: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @204: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…The cake is us, our life, our relationship with the world…”

    Well said, LG…and all the rest of your words too.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:53am

  293. 293: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 290 How about putting that in feeling messages.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:54am

  294. 294: MelNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    Nah. He probably won’t even text me. Too busy looking at porn in his tent.

    Wow…! that was BITTER! Yikes.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:00am

  295. 295: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I meant doing it here so you can get it out Mel.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:01am

  296. 296: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @211: Turquoise3 says:
    “…I really like your cake analogy…. I want to be the cake AND the frosting… he can be the sprinkles lol…”

    I think so too… Sprinkles… and those little silver things and maybe he could light my fire with a candle or two… :lol:

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:02am

  297. 297: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 294 Take your focus off him and put it on you. Write so you can practice, so you can feel your feelings.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:03am

  298. 298: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    290:

    Him (texting me from his campsite): “How’s it going?”
    Me: “GREAT!”
    Him: “What are you up to tonight?”
    Me: I feel so happy you aren’t here right now. I feel fabulous because I am bashing the hell out of everything in this house. I am feeling so inspired that I taped your picture on the tree and am practicing my bow and arrow skills. I feel TREMENDOUS because I am such a good shot. Thanks for asking.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:03am

  299. 299: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle you have me falling off my chair with laughter. This feels hilarious.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:04am

  300. 300: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 298 That is so sexy.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:04am

  301. 301: MelNo Gravatar says:

    OMG! Where can I buy a bow and arrow? LOL!!!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:06am

  302. 302: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 301 Mel the point is to check how you feel just reading that. Is it possible he could feel that way too if he experiences something similar. One of my first CDs from CCarter in the Interview with Rorii she suggested she encouraged someone to really share her anger. It was done with her husband in the room and he said he found it so sexy. I have to review that cd

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:08am

  303. 303: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    299 and 301:

    Hee Hee.. I know it sounds ridiculous and I was giggling too but I swear, if I was close to Mel right now, I would be driving over there to pick her up and I would take her somewhere so she could TOTALLY let it out.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:12am

  304. 304: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Hell, I want to do it FOR her. I have golf clubs in the car right now, I could go out back and beat the hell out of the ground for her.

    Grab your power, Mel, you BEAUTIFUL Siren.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:13am

  305. 305: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @226: Lucy says:
    “…Putting it on my bedroom wall changed the whole vibe of my room. Exciting!…”

    Invigorating and motivating! How big is it and what did you use for the backing?

    xoxo
    SLV

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:16am

  306. 306: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Well, at least you ladies have me smiling again. :)

    Lillybelly… how close do you live? LOL

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:29am

  307. 307: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning everyone, it’s my 40th bday today. So far, I feel ok. LOL…but I do fee a little self conscious about it.

    I woke up this morning feeling VERY closed off to my CDs and not being able to imagine myself with anyone. I wondered to myself, is it because I’m “this age” and “set in my ways” and might as well accept that I’m going to be alone? I don’t want that and I don’t want to be alone!!! I also had a thought that to get past this feeling of being closed off, I need to start with healing. Not sure how I’m going to do that, but it’s my goal.

    Re: the posts about anger, I thought men were afraid of our anger??…help

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:29am

  308. 308: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I have a carton of eggs…

    Geez, I’m going to get my self into some trouble tonight! :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:31am

  309. 309: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel hateful toward cliches.
    I feel thankful that I love my job.
    I feel thankful for my health.
    I feel hostile toward my younger self for being foolish.
    I feel hopeful about the future.
    I feel discouraged about my abilities to make it happen sometimes.

    Thank you sirens for this forum.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:31am

  310. 310: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    308:

    I’m in Minnesota.

    Eggs will work. Take ‘em outside and pitch them as far as you can. Is there a field you can go to? You can throw them suckers and yell at the same time.
    Then you won’t have to worry about the neighbors. ;-)

    Although, I say…screw the neighbors. lol

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:34am

  311. 311: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Just in case anyone is interested:-

    http://evolutionezine.com/chakra-healing-the-heart/

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:40am

  312. 312: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I see trees of green, red roses too
    I see them bloom, for me and you
    And I think to myself
    What a wonderful world

    I see skies of blue, and clouds of white
    The bright blessed day, dark sacred night
    And I think to myself
    What a wonderful world

    The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
    Are also on the faces, of people going by
    I see friends shaking hands, sayin’, “How do you do?”
    They’re really sayin’, “I love you”

    I hear babies cryin’, I watch them grow
    They’ll learn much more, than I’ll ever know
    And I think to myself
    What a wonderful world

    Yes, I think to myself
    What a wonderful world
    Oh yeah

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:42am

  313. 313: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Boo, that’s a bit far. Google maps says it’s a 22 hour drive…

    We live in this pretentious little condo community. I’m sure my throwing eggs or smashing things would not be looked upon favorably.

    I’m feeling really destructive though. Just want to break something. It would feel really, really good to break something of his. Oops! I don’t know how that bottle of your precious scotch slipped out of my hands! What a shame!!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:43am

  314. 314: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 307 Happy birthday Emerson. I believe they are afraid of our anger because we tend to stuff it down and then let it explode rather than expressing it in the moment.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:44am

  315. 315: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @308

    Like!! :wink:

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:46am

  316. 316: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Emerson!!! Forties are the best! (so far anyways)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:48am

  317. 317: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW and RiverGirl!!

    Mel, I am picturing you throwing the eggs. Hmm, sounds kinda fun!!! Bad influence, I know….but so tempting.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:51am

  318. 318: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Emerson!

    I’ll throw a couple eggs for you as I wish you a happy 40th! :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:56am

  319. 319: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel,

    Throwing eggs sounds like an idea :)

    Ways I release anger

    Admit to myself I’m angry, feel the rage until my blood boils and then –

    Scream

    Play extremely loud, heavy music and sing on the top of my voice

    Throw stones in the water

    Write an angry letter then burn it

    Gather items in the house that remind me of the anger, photos, mementos and rip them up and throw them out

    Go to a batting cage, shooting range, gym or for a run and use the anger to motivate me physically until the anger is gone and I’m exhausted

    Thank the anger for showing me what i don’t want, how i’m not treating myself the way I want to be treated and make a commitment to myself to do something to take care of me in the future.

    Rest and do something soothing.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:00am

  320. 320: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy birthday Emerson :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:02am

  321. 321: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    hello lovely dear Sirens,

    Hope you are all having a great day.!

    Haven’t posted anything here for quite a while, but whenever I return, I learn from all of you :)

    I am thinking about buying Rori’s Lovescripts, anybody can give a review yet?

    Thank you for sharing on Abraham Hicks as well, I love this one
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92BLLPm9Uzg&feature=related

    XXX
    marina

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:04am

  322. 322: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    and this one of Abraham Hicks
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKdHJyHB-Bo&feature=related

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:05am

  323. 323: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    I think men are afraid of our anger when it’s directed at them.

    I find R responds well to my anger when I say ‘I feel angry. I don’t want … What to do you think?’ or if I’m not in a place where I can express with blame then I say ‘I feel angry. I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m going to go for a walk/hang up.’ He says he respects my anger and thanks me for sharing what makes me angry because he just wants to make me happy!

    I find feeling messages most helpful for anger. It was the main problem we had, I would be angry and blaming and R would retreat and go silent to give me space I didn’t want.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:10am

  324. 324: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    **where i can express WITHOUT blame

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:11am

  325. 325: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Turqouise – “I like to feel normal. ” I was going to reply right away to this but hen decided to read a bit more, and you answered my questions around this.

    I knew from what you originally wrote that emotions were not allowed or frowned upon in your family. The tragedies you experienced only reinforced this.

    You are a cauldron of rich emotions. I see it and feel it in your posts. Yes you may think you are a thinking person, we all are, but you are also a feeling woman, a woman who is inundated with emotions, some of which you have not allowed to emerge.

    The purpose of using feeling statements, especially in the beginning and especially for someone like you is to get in touch with these buried emotions. It may seem like a small and silly thing, but it really works.

    I felt awkward and uncomfortable with it at first as do most women here. It really does start to feel more natural though it may take some time.

    Being vulnerable and keeping boundaries is not as contradictory as it sounds. We can talk more about this if you want.

    xxoo

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:13am

  326. 326: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    VFeingold Clark

    Here are three important tips to help you go through the process of having “The Talk” when it is time:

    1. Whatever you do, do not start this conversation when you are upset.

    If you’ve been bottling up your feelings for too long, you may reach a boiling point where out of the blue you attack him with anger and blame. Most men will respond to anger with anger. You will not be able to have a sane conversation about the future at this point, you will only be driving a wedge between you. Wait until you feel calm and centered to broach the subject.

    2. Do not play the victim and blame him for not talking about this earlier.

    You need to take responsibility for your part in letting things go on for so long without speaking up. He’ll appreciate that you are not making him the “bad guy” and be much more open to anything you have to say.

    3. Do not demand that he give you an answer right away if he can’t.

    Most men usually need to take time think and process their thoughts about important matters. Remember, you may have been thinking about this for months or years and this is the first time he’s hearing about it. Give him the space and time to consider what his life would be like without you so he can give you an honest answer.

    There are many more things you need to consider when you’re having “The Talk” and I go into greater detail in my book.

    Having “The Talk” in the correct way can change the course of your relationship and make the difference between getting married or not, so take it seriously.

    This could be one of the most important conversations you have with your man, it’s important to prepare to do it right. I can coach you through the process if that is what you need.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:16am

  327. 327: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Feminine Woman,

    RE: #273 – Aw, that’s sweet! Thank you! I just need some universal answers quick, that is for sure! The lady where I am staying, Miho, is already on the edge of turning me out, since my dogs are barking viciously and I am unable to pay the rent I agreed on. She had said no pregnant cat, that that would be too much, because her daughter will want one.

    I placed my pregnant cat for foster care (temporary) yesterday, and they called back, saying she was terrified: ears pinned back, low to the floor, growling and hissing. I picked her back up this morning. Right now I think I am going to have to leave here. This is just too much to impose on these people.

    It’s just where to go?? I have a call in to a Christian ministry in Lancaster county of people who used to be Amish and now they aren’t. They have a farm, and I asked if I could put my tent there and be there with my pets.

    Am I ruining my life by keeping my pets? If I give them all up for adoption, MY life would be easier for sure. But they would probably be killed. At the very least, they would not be treated as well as they are now. No one would love them like I do.

    So I come back to friends…friends stick together when times get ruff. They have been my emotional health when times were tuff. The whole reason I got Keagy (the pregnant cat) was to have a focus outside of Ryan, just after he broke up with me. She helped a lot. So isn’t it my turn to help her? She goes ballistic with anyone else when I’m not in the room. This isn’t the first time.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:18am

  328. 328: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Kyla and Mel!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:18am

  329. 329: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel and Lillybelle,

    RE: #287 – When I was moving a couple of weeks ago, a dresser and an entertainment center were damaged and not worth fixing. One of the friends helping me move asked with a glimmer in his eye, “Do you have a sledgehammer?” LOL! They had great sport for about 20 min smashing them to bits! Then a few nights later, we burned them at a party (at my friend’s house).

    Venting can be fun!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:24am

  330. 330: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From Bob Grant

    Featured Topic: 3 Feelings He Wants You to Share…

    1. He wants you to share when you’re proud of him… If you didn’t know this already, men really like to show off. Just be sure it’s something you really do like because if you praise him, you’ll likely get more of it.

    2. He wants you to share when you’re upset, and let him know what he can do to help… The important thing is to give him a task that he can do to help. If you just want him to listen – tell him. Don’t expect him to “just know” that is what you need. A man often feels like he’s being weak just sitting there while you’re hurting. He wants to fix it. Ask him to listen, and tell him how good that makes you feel.

    3. He wants you to share when you’re excited and happy… If more women only understood how important it is for a man to be able to make you happy, it would change the complexion of many a relationship. Remember, men aren’t nearly as intuitive as your girlfriends are. Men learn by watching your reaction. A good reaction (full of nice happy feelings) means do this more. A bad reaction (when you cry or get upset) means don’t do that again.

    Yes ladies, men really are that simple….

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:24am

  331. 331: DENo Gravatar says:

    Brenda:

    I feel very saddened by your situation…:( I really wish I could help somehow…

    Why would you think that they would not be cared for and they won’t be happy???? The mind set seems very negative to me…While I understand u love them, miss them, I also know u have the power to wish wonderful things for them…Our minds are very powerful Brenda!!! And you a wonderful soul!!!

    I keep reading and saying to myself…”Give yourself a chance Brenda…give your babies a chance too…”

    Btw, I had to make some very difficult decision about one of my pet (nine year pet) last year…very hard …but it was a great decision because I feel at peace ab it!

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:32am

  332. 332: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Emerson, and by they way, I didn’t find K until well into my forties.

    xxoo

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:33am

  333. 333: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn- I think you handled it all brilliantly even though you feel shaky and unsure. Laughing Goddess gave you awesome advice.

    xxoo

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:35am

  334. 334: DENo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn #243:

    Thank you for the video song…I really like it :) Very soft and seductive…wow :)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:37am

  335. 335: DENo Gravatar says:

    Happy B-day Emerson!!! Best wishes of love and happiness!!!

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:41am

  336. 336: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelle,

    RE: #298 – LOL!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:50am

  337. 337: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    DE,

    RE: #331 – Well I have solid reason to think they won’t be happy…did you read my post about the cat foster people returning my cat? She was terrified. She wanted to be with me, the only person she knows and trusts.

    As for my dogs, no one else would run them offleash every night late when no one is around. And that is the highlight of their day! No one else would feed them raw meat, their natural diet. No one else would let them cuddle on the bed. They would be confined; eat boring dry dog food; have not near as much loving each day.

    My situation feels impossible…but i know that is the very atmosphere for a miracle…

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:54am

  338. 338: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Right now, this blog feels like home. It feels so good, so soothing, so comforting, to come to this familiar place and get all your feedback and emotional support! I feel like I’m among family, even tho we are all over the world! I can’t thank you all enough, just for being here. I like how I can just think and feel out loud here! That in itself helps a lot!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:55am

  339. 339: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I had four hours of sleep. I don’t know what to do first: sleep some more (I just fell asleep at the computer); call unemployment again; pack up and leave; talk to the people where I am staying if they want me to leave; call for more foster care; jobhunt; clean the shed where my other two kitties are staying. All of this needs to be done simultaneously.

    I know I feel discouraged when I am tired. Maybe I just need to go take a nap. I don’t like to waste the office hours tho. I need sleep. And I’m horny.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:58am

  340. 340: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    Happy Birthday to you!!!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:59am

  341. 341: DENo Gravatar says:

    Brenda:

    Yes, i read it…I feel sad my point is not taken..:( U create their reality…of fear, etc…because u, yourself are not letting go of it…and don’t want to create the miracle within yourself…

    U think God as a separate being and you hope He will intervene for u and your family…and I am telling u…God is in you already…and u can create u own miracle by letting go of anything that is not love…:(

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:00am

  342. 342: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I feel happy you feel safe enough here for it to feel like home for you. I pray for you but remember to guard your thoughts and your words so you can create your reality.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:14am

  343. 343: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelle: 298

    hahahahaha!

    That was incredible!!!!

    Wow wow wow

    nice use of feeling messages!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:20am

  344. 344: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I can feel myself boiling with rage. But this makes me laugh. Why am I finding my anger funny?

    Is it because picturing myself whacking things with a golf club or throwing eggs at a photo of his face seems SO very unlike anything I would do?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:30am

  345. 345: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    313:

    Ohhh, I feel so horrifed that the bottle of scotch fell out of my hand when I was in the garage taking a big ole swig out of it. I feel so so sad…

    (see if it drops on the floor in the garage, it won’t stink your whole house up. ;-) )

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:31am

  346. 346: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 344 Mel I am sure you have Rori say time and time again, feelings morph. I am imagining sharing your anger in this way with him and both of you have a good belly laugh about it together. Can you imagine how cleansing that would be and how it could help both of you to forget your problems and why you were angry?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:34am

  347. 347: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    344:

    I am telling you, Mel.. it HAS to come out. Your feeling this is telling you it has to come out.

    Honestly…take a photo outside, tape it to a tree and throw the eggs at it. All the while, FEEL the anger and drop in to it. Be prepared for a good, old fashioned sob fest after.

    And forget about the neighbors. If they ask you, just tell them you are getting your pitching arm in shape. ;-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:34am

  348. 348: DENo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle #347:

    I concur with you…that’ right…smash some things Mel :)

    This reminds me of “The Diary of a Black Mad Woman”…loved the movie…and the part where she is finally ripping cloths and breaking stuff…I just love it!!! I own the movie btw…because of it …kidding :)…I love it all actually :)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:39am

  349. 349: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 348 Me too. I am now wondering if Mel could borrow it and watch it with hubby

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:40am

  350. 350: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    I was just thinking about that time I was telling ya’ll about above..when I was beating the heck out of the ground with the golf club. I remember that I took several swings at the side of my garage too.

    I am “watching” myself in my mind and laughing my a$$ off. My work husbands think I have finally lost my mind. ;-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:41am

  351. 351: DENo Gravatar says:

    Gosh, I could never do it (smash, break, rip things…) I tried…:( My ex husband used to turn the house upside down…I felt terrified of such outburst of anger :( and usually, my cloths, my stuff were the ones that took the hit…Son of a bitch…he would never choose his “collections” or mommy and daddy’s family fu*cking antics…

    Arghhh

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:41am

  352. 352: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    By the way it is “Mad Black Woman” a Tyler Perry movie

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:42am

  353. 353: The_DivaNo Gravatar says:

    Well, I saw the guy I’ve been working with (professionally) last night. He came to my house for our weekly session.

    As I mentioned before, Im not wanting to get in the habit of making out with him if thats all he’s interested in.

    After our session, we were chit chatting again, he starts to hold me, & I kept turning away whenever I could sense him trying to get closer to kiss me.

    I know this might seem like I was closing off to some, and perhaps it was a little, but its very important to me to NOT be doing this with him if he’s not interested in me except to be friends who make out.

    Even with the CD, its going to be impossible for me to pull that off, because I feel a stronger connection with him than with the others.

    As I was sitting there, him holding me, I wouldn’t look up at him, I just continued talking, we talked & bantered but I deliberately avoided the kissing part. And I almost said, ‘what are we doing?’ and brought up why I was doing it, but everytime I went to open my mouth, in the silences between our other conversations, it felt forced & unnatural to say something, so I didn’t.

    And he eventually gave up trying to kiss me. And I never said anything. He left looking a little sad & confused, or maybe just annoyed, I dont know.

    And Im seriously hoping I havent screwed this whole thing up. I can say I feel more confident & less shaky in my body as far as not being that girl thats his friend that he gets to fool around with.

    But I dont know whats going through his head, so I seriously hope I didnt f&*^ it all up by not saying something.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:42am

  354. 354: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You ladies are really making my day today Lilybelly and DE. I feel so energized and alive

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:43am

  355. 355: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 353 How do you feel and what is your inner voice saying?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:46am

  356. 356: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ok… so laughing at the absurdity of these angry thoughts is completely normal. What a relief!

    I WILL be stopping by the grocery store on the way home to pick up some eggs though….

    I could throw them off the bridge into the river, but somehow smashing them would feel better. Just have to find somewhere that won’t get me charged with vandalism! ;)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:46am

  357. 357: DENo Gravatar says:

    FW:

    Sweet :) Lilybelle and I, are one and the same :) Just kidding :)

    Out to work ladies…:) Hope nothing goes bad while I am gone :)

    Warm hugs to u all :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:46am

  358. 358: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    354:

    Awwww, thank you.

    This is an honest to goodness true story. I was so angry when I did that, I KNEW if I didn’t find some outlet for it though, the person I was angry at would have felt cornered and attacked and it would have been such a horrible situation so I did the only thing I could…beat the hell out of the garage and ground. It is so funny to look at myself doing that right now. This small petite woman…raging mad and then crumpled on the groud sobbing her eyes out. Then after that was done, I laid on the grass…eyes all swollen, sweaty and hot, hair a mess and watched the clouds roll by. And I felt peaceful and knew what I needed to do then. It was kinda surreal..

    That is the point I am trying to make for Mel. I believe in order for her to authentically express her anger at her husband for ALL of this, she has to get herself from rage to anger so that when it does come out..it has a better chance of coming out in a way that feels good to them both. I believe it is extremely important to realize for Mel, that he does NOT hold all the power here. MEL has to find her power and move into it.

    Why does HE get to decide if HE loves HER and wants to continue the marriage. Why doesn’t MEL get to decide if SHE wants this too. What if Mel got to the point where she could focus on HER and what she WANTS? WOW!! I don’t believe she can do that though without dealing first, with the rage and anger she is currently feeling.

    Sheesh, does any of the $hit I am writing make sense??

    Mel, please don’t mis-interpret this as Me knowing what is best for You. It is not how I intend it at all.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:54am

  359. 359: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    DE: Enjoy this beautiful day.

    I agree with what FW said earlier. You remind me of a gorgeous kitty cat that moves gracefully, flits her fluffy tail while knowing that the greatest gift she can give someone is to let them pet her and bask in the music of her purrs.

    I love it!

    What a pretty kitty

    purrrrrrrr

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:54am

  360. 360: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelle: 348

    What a wise siren you are. The force is strong with this one.

    *said in yoda voice*

    :-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:58am

  361. 361: DENo Gravatar says:

    LG #359:

    Wow, i feel like “purring”…and “bashing” my “eye lashes” for u Dahling…..:) So, generous of u :)

    Thank you, well that made my day too :)

    Big warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:59am

  362. 362: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mel: I’m wondering if the feeling of amusement was able to come in because you acknowledged the anger. By feeling the anger, space was created within your psyche. I think you are onto something here!!!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:01am

  363. 363: The_DivaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 355

    I feel like I may have regained some of my power. I can barely hear my inner voice, & I cant quite detect what its saying, but I can say I feel a little more power.

    I just wont know until I see him again. We decided as he was leaving to meet for an extra rehearsal next Tuesday. I guess I wont know until I see him then.

    Omg, I hope this does come up. I want him know where Im coming from. I think the worse thing would be if he is closed off next Tues. & he never takes it anywhere.

    Uggghh. Im feeling so many things right now…

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:06am

  364. 364: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, you could throw the eggs at the back wall of your shower.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:07am

  365. 365: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thank-you Lillybelle! I appreciate your post.

    Ok, So I printed out this photo of him on my color copier at work. I’m feeling really really mischievous. I’m smirking. I am feeling like a very bad girl. ;)

    I’m booking myself a massage at the spa for after my rage unleashing. And he’s going to foot the bill. :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:09am

  366. 366: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 363 To hear your inner voice try to focus your attention on the lower part of your body your heart to your belly.

    I felt jolted by your comment “I just wont know until I see him again” after you said you feel you had regained power. Are you suggesting your power is somehow tied to him? Or he has to somehow give you permission to feel your power?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:10am

  367. 367: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Or smash them on the kitchen floor then roll around naked in the goo (best clean up the shells first lol).

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:12am

  368. 368: Eileen MaryNo Gravatar says:

    Still feeling waves of dispair over J the ex, but meeting a new guy tonight.

    Off topic, but think you Sirens will enjoy this from a cousin of mine.

    GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

    Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally beautiful!

    Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

    Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.

    Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

    Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

    Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

    Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

    After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages….
    An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

    THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

    Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran. Ruled by nuts.

    THE END.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:13am

  369. 369: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Or you could use a wooden spoon to slam gobs of pudding onto the kitchen floor then roll around naked in that.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:13am

  370. 370: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    PERFECT! The shower it is…. I can clean up the shells easily enough. And if he happens to find a few… hee hee, oh well!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:15am

  371. 371: MelNo Gravatar says:

    OMG Lucy! Pudding… Now that’s funny!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:16am

  372. 372: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 370 If he finds a few you will be the mysterious goddess who he wonders about what her day might have been like

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:18am

  373. 373: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    365:

    Now THAT is what I am talking about! You GO, girl!!!

    The shower is a great idea, Lucy!

    You have your picture ready, eggs on the way home and the shower.

    I’d go ahead and have a slug of that scotch too, for good measure. ;-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:19am

  374. 374: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 369/371 That feels like the little girl throwing her tantrum. Yeah

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:19am

  375. 375: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 373 I feel really inspired.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:22am

  376. 376: MelNo Gravatar says:

    My mom says I used to throw the best tantrums!

    She said they’d ask me to clean my room or something and I’d say “I DON”T HAVE TO!” So she’d drag me up the stairs and with each step I’d scream “I don’t have to!” LOL. Why am I not that spunky anymore? I should be!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:25am

  377. 377: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 376 You little girl is still there. Embrace her, feel her. You are still spunky.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:29am

  378. 378: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    WAAAAAAAAA Vampire SCREAM!

    Feeling Sooooo frustrated right now.

    Tbh I feel completely unfulfilled with what I am attracting into my life atm.

    And I am so doing the work.

    It seems like Step up man has disappeared since I said I don’t want a fling… Pubman is just some kind of imaginary relationship I think.

    As regards to my work, whilst I have to admit that the Zumba classes are picking up my other business is so up and down.

    It relies on other people, who I recruit for the company, and is completely comission based. I have had so many people join, full of enthusiasm, only to flake at the first hurdle and it feels so frustrating.

    I don’t know maybe I have it all wrong.

    Sometimes I look around at the other women around me, all doing pretty much the opposite of the tools, and yet it looks to me as if they are so far
    ahead!

    Argh, sometimes I just feel like giving up.

    And just saying F8ck it all, and becoming a heap on the floor.

    I feel tired and exhausted from trying.

    And maybe that is the problem but really I don’t know how not to try…

    I get excited about stuff and I can’t help but hope that certain things will happen. And then feel disappointed when they don’t.

    On the other hand I also wonder if I am too closed off. Like for example does Pubman know how much I do want to be with him?

    Would it make a difference?

    All I have brought up when he has mentioned being together is objections.

    And that is bc I feel afraid to be with him cus I feel mistrustful.

    Arghhh it just feels so hard.

    How do I surrender?

    I just feel so FRUSTRATED with men choosing not to step up.

    Want to be open… and I just wish things could be easier sometimes.

    GRRRRRRWSAAAAAAAssssa

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:32am

  379. 379: The_DivaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 366

    No, he has hothing to do with why I decided to avoid kissing him, other than possibly being the messenger that he is. He might be more than that, I dont know.

    I made this decision for me, because I’ve been down this road before, back when I had little self esteem. I fell in love with another person in the business, we worked together & I was that girl that he was friends with be we fooled around for close to 2 years & the whole time I thought he would fall in love with me.

    He didnt. He married a girl that he was seeing while he was fooling around with me. This broke my heart & it took a very long time to heal that.

    I am now heal & open to falling in love again, but I am much too confident & fulfilled now to make those same mistakes again. I can’t & won’t go down that road again. NOTHING is worth the heartache of accepting crumbs from a man who is not interested.

    So no, this new man does not hold my power, what I meant was that I wont know what hes thinking til I see him again.

    Since nothing was said, I dont know what hes thinking. And I dont want him to take it the wrong way. I did this because I dont want to be that girl again.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:36am

  380. 380: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 379 Forget about what he is thinking. If you are feeling uncomfortable with the making out you should express those feelings rather than acting out. You are a mature woman who knows what she wants. Think of yourself that way. You should not be afraid of losing him or the business with him if you don’t push aside your feelings and make out with him. He is not a mind reader though nad I would clearly tell him what I want in my life.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:41am

  381. 381: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    As a matter of fact you are The Diva and he might not be able to help himself. You are so magnetic you might be unconsciously pulling him in with your energy. Do you feel you are worthy of his attention?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:46am

  382. 382: MelNo Gravatar says:

    The massage therapist will be a man… eek! That feels frightening! Oh well, maybe I need some “man hands” LOL!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:53am

  383. 383: LonePlumNo Gravatar says:

    _Lonelyness comes from lying and projecting onto others and dictating what others “should” think and feel and do. It is self abandonment.

    _Anger transforms into clarity when we question our thoughts.

    When I was 12, I was given in school the Greek philosophers to read; I remember pieces about stoicism.
    I remember one line we had to translate from ancient Greek to French.
    It said something like “I can feel peace in any circumstances, I can chose to feel happy when I am in exile, or in danger or in dislike or even when facing death. Happiness is my choice and do I have a better choice anyhow?”

    Forgive me the changes my memory is operating in the translation, it was decades ago, I remember the theory and the feeling I got from it, I don’t remember the sentences word by word.

    I also had to translate something that said more or less, “When I can’t change reality, I can chose to love what is and experience peace or I can chose to fight reality and experience fear.”

    They refer to the kindness of the cosmos in its perfection and they recommend to question our thoughts until we feel in alignment with the reality and the perfection of the cosmos.
    They recommend to question our thoughts when they cause anxiety, because they probably are not related to our inner kindness.
    They say that wrong judgments are what create destructive emotions.
    The cosmos in its kindness leave us totally free to feel PEACE no matter what. It is a choice we can make intellectually by questioning our judgments until we see the truth. Truth leads to love.

    They were about love and accepting human kind as one whole, each equal to other, no matter the outside circumstances of life, and with the freedom to stay in alignment with the reality and perfection of the cosmos.
    When Christianity became an official church in Rome, the Stoicist writings were destroyed. Thanks “God” lol enough writings have survived for us to have done our best along the centuries to keep in touch with the recipe to help love win against fear.

    I feel sure if the Greek philosophers had youtube handy, back then in the third century before Christ, they would have had EXACTLY the same type of meeting Katie Byron and the Abraham couple and so many others nowadays are having.
    I feel thrilled, I love seeing the Greek stoicism going around the world as fast as lightning, thanks to Internet!
    I love that people who can’t read or write, people who can’t access libraries, can watch youtube and learn to THINK to understand their feelings so they can CHOOSE to FEEL LOVE at last.

    Here is an example of ancient Greek theories applied in a “made easy for all tool”.
    I recommend to watch this video. It is simply LOVELY, a reminder for each of us , no matter our circumstances.

    http://www.thework.com/watch-being_gay.php

    xxx

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 10:00am

  384. 384: The_DivaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 380 & 381

    No, he is not a mindreader, & yes, I do feel I should clearly tell him whats on my mind about what I am confortable with doing if we are NOT dating.

    It just felt like last night bringing it up would have been forced, so I chose to say nothing.

    And yes, I do feel worthy of his attention. Absolutely.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 10:21am

  385. 385: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Loneplum thank you. It just goes to show how we can be our own worst enemy. It’s amazing and empowering when we can accept ourselves. I can be the change I want to see in the world.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 10:23am

  386. 386: Eileen MaryNo Gravatar says:

    Ella been feen feeling much the same as you and did say F it and dated myself the last 3 weeks. What happens? Ex stops me on the street and tells me he misses me and thinks of me always and then stays with current woman. F me! F him! Two guys from online sites want to meet. OK the one has been saying that for months I was begining to think he was married. Meeting tonight, cute, hot body, but for some reason I am not all that excited. Sunday another new guy, yawn. The ex has created a tsunami of sadness flowing over me. Miss him and trying to change the vibe as he is off having a good time with new woman he described as nice and intelligent, but not sure she is “the one”. Me on the other hand isdescribed as hot, life changing, emotionally and physically giving and always in his thoughts. WTF. I am mad, sad, confused and sexual deprived. Lot’s of local men would be happy to rectify the last.

    Then there is great blues eyes that is local that has a GF and has fliurted with me for over a year. Heard the other day that is over. Know where to hang to run into him, but was there last week and got his flirting which was returned. Could really go for this guy, but will be busy this week elsewhere. Hmmm maybe next friday he will be treated with my presence. My new perfume should be received by then that always gets a man’s attention. Gaultier 2. I love being a girl.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 10:34am

  387. 387: Eileen MaryNo Gravatar says:

    FM I am always feel like I am my worst enemy and chase men away. I know I have more to offwer than most and all I can come up with it is a fear defense mechanism.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 10:36am

  388. 388: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @262: kaitlyn says:
    “…i’d like to volunteer for dressforsucess.org but their next interview for that is a long way off…”

    Lots of not-for-profit organizations here. Volunteer opportunities as well as jobs.

    http://www.idealist.org/

    xoxo
    SLV

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:00am

  389. 389: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @267: Jeannette says:
    “…A miracle is what is needed….pretty much all the way around. I still feel impressed to help him through this no matter what….”

    A few things come to mind:
    1) Not every loving relationship must result in marriage.
    2) What dollar figure per month are you seeking? If you are concerned about money, it’s VERY IMPORTANT to have concrete numbers to avoid slipping into mindset of “lack , “poor”, “not enough”, etc How much money would be enough? If a person does not know, there is a mindset problem whether or not there are financial difficulties.
    3)Could you live and be happy on whatever amount of money you had? I bet you could! Lots of people do.
    4) If not, what’s your number? If one does not have one and worries about money, nothing will ever be enough.
    5) I’m getting kind of excited now thinking there are a bunch of guys out there that are being tossed aside only because they don’t have a lot of money.

    Yippee! What a bargain! If they meet my first qualification, I’ll sweep them all up. Assuming these guys are living in North America they will have some resources even if very little. I can deal with it, yea! Seniors get all kinds of discounts too. I have lots of imagination, I’m very resourceful and I can work miracles! Jeannette I bet you could too.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:24am

  390. 390: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @277: Mel says:
    “… what am I supposed to do? I’m sick of pretending…”

    I wouldn’t pretend but I wouldn’t sit around a man crying either. If I went to the park (I love going to the park I guess you can tell) and sat on a bench I’d feel better. I’d cry there a little bit too.

    Maybe a knight in shining armor would come by and offer his assistance. I think I told that story here on the blog. The young woman was single but… a stranger, her future husband, did come along as she sat weeping on a park bench…

    And we all get to decide who we love. It’s wonderful when they love us in return.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:38am

  391. 391: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Slv – I love ur money posts

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:45am

  392. 392: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @275: may_cathy says:
    “…I like so much this blog,i want to try the free download but i can’t get it cause i dont have any credit cards and atm…”

    If you are in the U.S. use a bank debit card or buy a pre-paid one usually available at large chain drugstores or other stores. Easy Peasy.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:46am

  393. 393: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I woke up feeling good!

    And there’s 3 calls, a text, and a voicemail from…. SexyCD

    He says I know we haven’t talked in awhile but I’ve been looking at your myspace for a few Weeks and I don’t know how to say this but I really really want you, and everything that comes along with it

    That felt real nice

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:47am

  394. 394: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @391: Daria says:
    “…Slv – I love ur money posts…”

    :lol: A little can go a long way and it’s fun… But if you want more money, that’s cool too. You will have more options. But there are many options available that don’t require being rich.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:51am

  395. 395: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy birthday Emerson!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:57am

  396. 396: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @285: Lilybelle says:
    “…I went out in my garage, grabbed a golf club, took it outside and beat the hell out of the ground for about five minutes…”

    I’m glad that worked for you but if I was that angry and it happened to be about a guy who had “messed up ” really badly, I’d want to swing the golf club at his head! No, a golf club would not be good for me to be near… :wink”
    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:58am

  397. 397: turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone,

    My girls are on their way home from camp. I’ve really missed them, can’t wait to spend the evening together.

    Thank you Tinque! I wouldn’t say feelings were discouraged or anything when I was growing up, my mom is just a pretty serious person and we had a lot of struggles. It was more when I was a teenager and I started feeling let down or deeply hurt by a few friends, and a guy…. that I think I started to hold my feelings in more. I can be very emotional, open, and share my feelings. I just think I tell myself not to feel things, almost like being in denial, so it doesn’t seem so bad. Or, to look at the positive of the situation….. Any help/work/support you have to offer, I’d appreciate it. Sometimes I think it’s easier for others to notice things about me, than for me to realize. Feeling messages are going to be tough…. it would get on my nerves to be around someone who constantly talked about their feelings, if they were unhappy anyways.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:58am

  398. 398: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @294: Mel
    “…Nah. He probably won’t even text me. Too busy looking at porn in his tent.
    Wow…! that was BITTER! Yikes…”

    But didn’t it feel good…!

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:03pm

  399. 399: FeminewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 397 turquoise3 you say feeling messages are going to be tough which is a belief that you could possibly decide to change to make it easy. For instance I noticed you first sentence and thought “”hhhmm I wonder if she could have said it felt or I felt a little lonely without them. I love my eight year olds laughter as I feel really alive when she is around. What do you think?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:10pm

  400. 400: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Well Turquoise, I see a combination of stuffing which isn’t good for you, for feelings can fester within and end up coming out in ways you may not want as well as you wanting to protect yourself from feeling those hurts again which may have hit your hard as a teenager.

    The thing with feeling messages is you don’t have to voice each and every feeling, only the ones you feel compelled to, the ones which maybe impact you in more significant ways, AND more importantly, they are not only about negative things. The good feeling feelings are maybe more important to express than the not so good feeling ones.

    And they don’t have to always look like, “I feel…” It can be, “I love it when….” or “Yum” or “Purrrrr” and so on.

    xxoo

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:17pm

  401. 401: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @327: Brenda says:
    “…They have a farm, and I asked if I could put my tent there and be there with my pets.
    Am I ruining my life by keeping my pets? …”

    This sounds like a solution that will let you keep your animals. Good. It won’t be forever and ever. And it could be a fun adventure. Go for it!!!

    xoxo
    SLV

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 12:52pm

  402. 402: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @368: Eileen Mary

    ROFL :lol:

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:02pm

  403. 403: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @379: The_Diva says:
    “…So no, this new man does not hold my power, what I meant was that I wont know what hes thinking til I see him again…”

    Do you think it might be a good thing to concentrate on what YOU are thinking? If he’s not asking you out, he’s perhaps thinking he’s got an easy girl who he can fool around with, have a bit of fun with and she doesn’t require much… a low maintenance woman. Has he offered anything? A cup of coffee even outside of work?

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:12pm

  404. 404: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    398: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @294: Mel
    “…Nah. He probably won’t even text me. Too busy looking at porn in his tent.
    Wow…! that was BITTER! Yikes…”

    But didn’t it feel good…!

    ***

    Id guess it did feel good, and also bad. attacks feel that way, Rori told us to observe the feelings carefully around that and i finally started noticing it

    it feels good and powerful, and it feels bad, i feel removed and distant from the person

    going for the feelings and non-judgement always feels good when we are authentic

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:17pm

  405. 405: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @404: Daria says:
    398: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @294: Mel
    “…Nah. He probably won’t even text me. Too busy looking at porn in his tent.
    Wow…! that was BITTER! Yikes…”
    But didn’t it feel good…!…
    ***Id guess it did feel good, and also bad. attacks feel that way,…”

    I don’t believe it was an attack. I do believe it was making light of a serious situation. A situation a woman can’t control anyway.

    This would be my inner dialogue… something like this:

    Yes, maybe he is in the tent looking at porn. Maybe he’s also in the tent doing something live with a couple of other guys and gals: toys and double pen. Maybe he’ll be gone for another week. Could I survive if that happened… well, I guess I could. Could I find happiness in life, well, I guess I could.

    What’s the worse thing I could imagine him doing? Could I deal with that and go on living, make a life for myself? Well, I guess I could. Am I stuck with this man and what he’s doing, well, I guess I’m not.

    If I could cope with the worse I could imagine, I can cope with what there is.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 1:36pm

  406. 406: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Emerson

    Happy birthday to you and…

    Venus Williams (31 today)
    Barry Manilow (65 today)
    Newt Gingrich (68 today)

    In honor of composer Igor Stravinsky (June 17, 1882) here is his composition “The Rite of Spring” which Walt Disney used in the classic animation masterpiece “Fantasia.” For all but the true Stravinsky fan (I’m not) the first three minutes is rather slow.

    Bear in mind, the fabulous animation in “Fantasia” was created several decades before computer generation animation. That’s a lot of hand drawn animation cels!

    Fantasia 1940 – The Rite of Spring – Part 1: Genesis
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gZbMOq_Ge8&NR=1

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:11pm

  407. 407: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Fantasia 1940 – The Rite of Spring – Part 2: Evolution
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGdK9jpn19w&feature=related

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:12pm

  408. 408: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Fantasia 1940 – The Rite of Spring – Part 3: Extinction
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M16zasqydUE&feature=related

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:13pm

  409. 409: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    when *i* am authentic

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:18pm

  410. 410: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Well thanks everyone….I am very tired and probably just need not think of ANYTHING this evening. Thanks for your responses…But one thing….I would have to make enough money, that is between him and me, so that we can meet our bills and not have to act as beggars…Just a house note, utilities, food and car insurance. Cars do have to be maintained too…That’s about it I guess.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:24pm

  411. 411: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    any blame thing, is an attack. ‘he’s probably too busy looking at porn” is an attack – in this case

    its very common to couch the attack in humor, sarcasm…

    this is a common habit and coping strategy many of us have – i know i do

    this is somewhat subtle stuff… and so it often flies under our radars

    im not sharing this to judge anyone, or point fingers at someone for attacking. this is very common, totally understandable… and

    it damages intimacy

    it helps to be really aware of our patterns and whats going on under the surface

    as rori teaches, be really aware of how it FEELS to say that

    for me it feels thrilling and powerful, and also kinda distant and lonely… i don’t feel connected or close to the person that i directed it at

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 2:43pm

  412. 412: MelNo Gravatar says:

    “for me it feels thrilling and powerful, and also kinda distant and lonely… i don’t feel connected or close to the person that i directed it at”

    But that’s the whole reason I’m feeling this angry in the first place. Because I don’t feel close or connected. Saying that made me feel neither good nor bad… but it was just interesting to note the anger emerging.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:00pm

  413. 413: The_DivaNo Gravatar says:

    @ 403

    Yes, we have gone out a couple of times, went for coffee & dinner after our session & then got together one day in lieu of a session.

    But that all stopped 2 weeks ago. We were texting in between meetings but that also came to a screeching hault. And 2 weeks went by where we didn’t talk except for maybe a munute in between meetings but he would still grab me & kiss me after our sessions. I remember him saying the first week, “Ok I’ll see you when i see you” & the next week “Ok, talk to you later”

    Thats why Im not comfortable making out with hi during our sessions. It would be a different story if I could tell he was pursuing me outside making out during our sessions.

    Which is why Im assuming he’s not really all that interested.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:06pm

  414. 414: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @411: Daria says:
    “…this is somewhat subtle stuff… and so it often flies under our radars…”

    It’s not subtle; it’s bold, deliberate and “visible to radar” at least the radar of my thoughts. It’s about owning my own power of choice and ability to create my own happiness. Nobody is attacked in words or deed. Nothing uncivil has to happen.

    The technique affirms that I have control only over myself not other people but that I can cope with things that go differently than I hope. I, of course, recognize that this might not be a technique that you would use.

    Different people use different ways of doing things.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:15pm

  415. 415: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @411: Daria says:
    “…im not sharing this to judge anyone, or point fingers at someone for attacking…”

    Well, I’ve read the word “attack” a few times in discussing what I posted when in fact there was no attack… nor would there be one.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:20pm

  416. 416: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Going to get my massage now. Hopefully I won’t be too relaxed to chuck some eggs when I get back.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:22pm

  417. 417: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @413: The_Diva says:
    “…Thats why Im not comfortable making out with hi during our sessions. It would be a different story if I could tell he was pursuing me outside making out during our sessions….”

    For what it’s worth, I won’t be comfortable with that either. As I read it, it seems his pursuit has slowed.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:25pm

  418. 418: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    416:

    I’ll be waiting for you when you get done chucking eggs.

    Remember…throw them as hard as you can and let it all out.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:35pm

  419. 419: The_DivaNo Gravatar says:

    @ 417 Thank you.

    Yes, its seems it has, which is why I felt the need to stop making out with him. It makes me feel cheap, like he doesn’t have to DO anything outside of showing up to our weekly sessions.

    When I approached him, I approached him to work with him professionally, I wasn’t looking for a love connection.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:37pm

  420. 420: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    27: T-Girl says:

    My 13 yo daughter is suddenly taking issue with the time I spend with poker player. She said it is because she misses her dad as she only gets to see him 4 days a month. She sees poker player more than her dad. I could sure use some advice on how to mesh my mom life with my relationship life. I don’t ever want to get to the point where I have to choose between the two. I finally feel like I have the love I deserve and have been without for so long. Poker player says we will overcome this together but I still feel scared.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Does the dad want more time with her? If so, the obvious choice is to just allow the daughter more time with her dad. The question of course is how well you and her dad can work together to make this work.

    Here’s another thing. Never fear the child deciding she wants to go live with dad. Children are fickle and at one point, she will want to live with dad, but after doing that for a while, she will want to move home.

    The main thing is to parent much like you SHOULD if you are together. In other words, a united front. Agree together on how things will be and then stick to that. The point being to not allow her to play you guys against each other to get what she wants. To not allow her to just move back and forth to get what she wants. If it is legitimately just about missing one parent…let the child spend more time with that parent. If that parent is agreeable. Don’t worry about whether or not he will be “perfect” with the child. If he’s not perfect, that is good because she will see that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:44pm

  421. 421: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    383 Loneplum, I love that. My darling man cd talks like that. I think I love him.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 3:52pm

  422. 422: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    412 Mel. I perceived it as a bit of riffing…and it got you to this place of being ready to deal with your anger. Thinking of you tonight and anticipating hearing how the egg-smashing goes… <3

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:03pm

  423. 423: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    378: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    WAAAAAAAAA Vampire SCREAM!

    Feeling Sooooo frustrated right now.

    Tbh I feel completely unfulfilled with what I am attracting into my life atm.

    And I am so doing the work.

    It seems like Step up man has disappeared since I said I don’t want a fling… Pubman is just some kind of imaginary relationship I think.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Ella, remember i told you that many many times, the much younger guy is just interested in a fling. Fine for a woman who just wants to have fun with a young tight body. But you are being true to yourself. That is not what you want. What you must do is look at the bright side. You have made room for a genuine guy to move into. If you are on dates with “step up guy” who didn’t want to step up, then you are not available for another man. So see him showing his true colors, if that is what happened, as a good thing.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Sometimes I look around at the other women around me, all doing pretty much the opposite of the tools, and yet it looks to me as if they are so far
    ahead!

    Don’t be so quick to believe this. People put up good fronts in public. For all you know, those women go home to an abusive man, or a man who gives her nothing but crumbs. or they run around giving it up to every guy they find attractive and are left feeling unfulfilled because the guy then doesn’t call for the next 3 weeks. Point is, you don’t know what is really going on unless you are a fly on the wall in their home.

    If I may make a suggestion, find a LARGE local church. Go in there some Sunday. Find out if they have groups for young (20’s/30’s) singles. It’s not a secret that many singles go there to find other singles. The idea being that they might be a bit more honest about wanting a real relationship. It does work for some. If anything, it just introduces you to new people. Sometimes just making new friends opens up doors for you…but these friends will likely have among them some genuinely nice men that ARE looking for something serious.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:18pm

  424. 424: DawnNo Gravatar says:

    Anyone!! How does guarding your thoughts and words help you create a reality? Am I missing something? Doesnt feel very authentic.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:21pm

  425. 425: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV- I’m just sharing what Rori teaches.

    ‘he’s probably to busy looking at porn in his tent’

    IS an attack.

    I feel frustrated that my voice seems to trigger sone to ‘do battle’ with me.

    Nevertheless, my information is directly drawn from what Rori teaches.

    I hope it’s helpful to others to read even if it meets with resistance from some, including the person addressed.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:23pm

  426. 426: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    What is subtle is that the humor is couching an attack…

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:26pm

  427. 427: DENo Gravatar says:

    Dawn #424:

    I feel a bit confused by your question…it appears to be out of context…would you elaborate a bit more?

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:27pm

  428. 428: DENo Gravatar says:

    Daria #425:

    I totally agree with you…Thank you for reminding me about how humor and sarcasm are indeed cover ups of deeper feelings…and neither would help heal a relationship…

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:30pm

  429. 429: TammyNo Gravatar says:

    I have been dating since December 2010 and this is so new for me as I was married for 25+ years and I am 48 years old starting over; plus I just moved out of my hometown to a city where i know no one. So I get so bored just sitting in my apt and want to go out but just dont want to go bars by myself but I am tempted to do, lol. Plus when I go on dates i run out of things to talk about. I go to work as a preschool teacher and listen to my country music and I am a pretty laid back person. But trying to get my life back together is what i want to do and I definitely want dating as part of that. What book do you think I should start out with? I love reading all ur advice. It is great!! Tammy

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:30pm

  430. 430: DawnNo Gravatar says:

    DE, It is something someone said here . # 342 It makes no sense to me .

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:32pm

  431. 431: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – I know u don’t feel close or connected to him.

    What I’m saying is that, by attacking or blaming him (even w humor which makes it more ‘fuzzy’ to see that is indeed an attack)

    We are actually pushing away both our feelings and intimacy.

    I think it’s great to rage at him privately bust eggs and say whatever, as a therapeutic process. This is very cathartic.

    Even better than sarcasm actually.

    But after the rage, the energy shifts and we have to move back into paying attention to our feelings.

    Basically, in our head our out loud, blame is going to Not create connection, or intimacy.

    What you want is to recreate connection and intimacy with your husband.

    So rage to get it out, freely, then feel what you feel. Translate the raging to feelings.

    Be aware of these ‘blaming sarcastic thoughts’. And then notice and say wow… I must be feeling… Angry.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:32pm

  432. 432: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    Mel

    Mel

    Mel

    I wanted to make a comment here. You might be able to see this once suggested. Do you think his “camping trip..to decide if he loves you” is an attempt by him to rock you back on your heels? To scare you into caving in and just accepting what ever he has to offer?

    What I am wondering is if he is an ENTJ or some other personality type that feels a need to be in control. Often in a good relationship this isn’t a problem but when under stress or pressure he might act out in a bad way, and feel very threatened if he feels he is losing control.

    What i would do if I were you is just keep looking out for yourself. I know that is hard in some ways but just worry about making yourself happy.

    If all he has to offer is crumbs, then let him now that isn’t enough and that you are done wasting your life on a relationship that is far less than fulfilling. I mean nobody should toss aside a relationship just because it isn’t perfect but if the person tosses nothing but table scraps, and won’t even try, then that is a different story.

    I’ll be honest. If I were you, I likely would have told him that you were leaving. That you also needed to decide if you wanted to stay in a relationship where your man gives you crumbs and then acts surprised that you aren’t happy. I would let him know that you would be gone and he could look you up and give you his decision and you would figure that info into your thinking and let him know what your decision is later.

    I don’t know why but I have this impression of you being a pretty hot looking young woman who is just invested in this relationship and the rejection you feel in it makes you feel less special than you are…makes you question your looks, personality, etc…

    Go out dancing with your friends and make it a point to make eye contact with guys you find attractive. If you see them look your way, don’t look away for at least 5 seconds. This of course is something you literally have to think about. You will have to resist the urge to look away real quick. And you will have to count. 1-2-3-4-5.

    I am willing to bet that a lot of them will approach and ask you to dance, or buy you a drink.

    This will help remind you that men do find you attractive.

    Dress sexy too. Spend some of his money to buy a hot dress to wear out to the club. Have fun and recharge your batteries.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:32pm

  433. 433: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I must be feeling… Angry, scared, dissapointed , or what not.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:33pm

  434. 434: DENo Gravatar says:

    Here is wonderful, inspiring passage (to me) written by Kath*rine Wo*dward Th*mas:

    “Speaking authentically requires us to know our own truth. Before sharing our feelings, we must understand what they are. Therefore, speaking our truth demands of us a certain rigor with ourselves. When I was learning how to identify and express the feelings I was having, I spent a lot of time journaling and reading to try to sort through the many emotions, sensations, and responses that had, for so many years, remained unnamed within me.

    I had to own feelings and thoughts that were contrary to my image of myself as a “nice” person. I had to tell the truth on myself, even at the risk of looking bad. There’s no way around it. You really can’t be that invested in looking good if you want to know the experience of love…”

    Excerpt from “Cal*ing in the O*e”

    *********************
    Thanks to Rori and awesome Daria…I have learned to go behind the “niceness” and “pretenses”…thank you for showing me how…

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:37pm

  435. 435: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dawn – ‘guard thoughts and words’. My understanding is to notice when we are looping thoughts that feel bad and speaking from them.

    We want to manifest so we are in negative thoughts it won’t work.

    Using Rosa’s stop sign tool and then flipping to a healing thought helps me miraculously to breaj the loop of negative thoughts.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:38pm

  436. 436: DENo Gravatar says:

    Dawn #430:

    Well, i actually think FW meant it in the way of “pay attention to” …maybe guard was a bit misleading :)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:41pm

  437. 437: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – I agre w rusty. After the egg breaking, which sounds awesome, I would go out too or the next day.

    Slv said to go to Vegas. That would’ve been a great move – I was voting for that one.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:42pm

  438. 438: DawnNo Gravatar says:

    Daria and DE, That makes sense. thanks

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:44pm

  439. 439: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty?

    Are you a profiler for the FBI? Lots of MB stuff coming out of you lately.

    ;-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 4:49pm

  440. 440: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohh, thanks Femininewoman and Kaitlyn.. Ugh I’m kinda bad at this.. I’m still pretty new. But practice makes perfect (: and I will forgive myself and love myself no matter what mistakes I make along the way.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:01pm

  441. 441: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    This is totally unrelated to the days topics but it’s kind of interesting, at least to me.

    So those of you who know I am moving to a new pad know how excited I am. I have been “making space” and will really REALLY be in that full speed tomorrow.

    I have this really masculine, heavy cloth shower curtain in #1 Guy’s bathroom right now and have decided that I am going to use that one in my new pad. I love it. It has thin blue stripes, along with some beige etc. Very manly..

    So I wanted to counter balance that masculinity with something feminine. I went shopping after work to find some storage bins..something that wasn’t wicker but something pretty and girly.. (found them) but the best find were towels.

    Beautiful beige towels with pretty, frilly flowers on the bottom of them, not flat as “in the fabric” but raised and poofy and frilly. I fell in love with them instantly and wasn’t sure if they would match the curtain but figured what the heck and bought them, they would be close.

    I got them home and the color is an EXACT match to the beige in the curtain. A perfect blend of masculinity and femininity for my new bath.

    Silly, right? I should do this for a living…I love it so much. And really have a talent for it.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:21pm

  442. 442: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    439: Lilybelle says:

    Rusty?

    Are you a profiler for the FBI? Lots of MB stuff coming out of you lately.

    ;-)

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Yes…and we are keeping our eye on you ladies. ;-)

    hehe

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:30pm

  443. 443: DENo Gravatar says:

    Rusty:

    That’s Hot!!! I betcha u must be retired :)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:33pm

  444. 444: DENo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle #441:

    Wow…i love reading about u experience shopping and decorating…:)

    U should share a pic on Fb when done :)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:34pm

  445. 445: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    OH DE! I should take a picture of the towels so you can see how pretty.

    Hang tight..pic coming soon.

    Great idea!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:37pm

  446. 446: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    442:

    Yummy!

    I’ll leave the rest of what I was going to say out.

    Just, yummy.

    *gulp* *fanning self*

    Think Criminal Minds…”Derek”

    whew…

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 5:49pm

  447. 447: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Emerson! :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:08pm

  448. 448: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 441 Not silly at all I believe interior decorating is lucrative business

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:22pm

  449. 449: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I just lost a post and I don’t have the will or time to recreate it…

    That must mean it’s time to switch hats.

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:29pm

  450. 450: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    My point was missed ENTIRELY, misstated if not actually ignored. That’s OK. It works well for me, as do other things I learned.

    I’d like a partner but I’m OK without one. On the other hand, don’t be surprise if I marry again before you…

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:38pm

  451. 451: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    450: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    My point was missed ENTIRELY, misstated if not actually ignored. That’s OK. It works well for me, as do other things I learned.

    I’d like a partner but I’m OK without one. On the other hand, don’t be surprised if I marry again before you…

    :D

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:39pm

  452. 452: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 422 Me too Lucy

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:41pm

  453. 453: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I love you too SLV
    I love your insights and believe I understand you a bit. I appreciate your experiences. Thanks for sharing.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:43pm

  454. 454: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 429 Hi Tammy do you have Rori’s book? I would suggest getting it. I would also look up Gay Hendricks, John Gottman in the Library, they have written several on relationships. I also highly recommend The 5 Love Languages.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:50pm

  455. 455: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle, are you going to do feng-shui in your new apartment? Just curious…and I don’t think getting excited about your new home is silly at all <3

    Environment is very important. I think it was in a Christiane Northrup book where I read that every time we are in 'awe' it's like a shot of serotonin in the brain. I realized how important it is to be surrounded by things that are very pleasing to us.

    Every time I look out on my front porch (now that it's all clean and full of greenery) I just breath in and smile. I love how it looks. There are other parts of my house that I feel this way about. (Looking at a baby can do this for me, also.) The more we can experience this feeling–imagine how much 'feel good' hormones could be floating around our brains! :-)

    Even if it's just something simple and 'everyday'–I look for as many of those moments in a day as I can find.

    NOT silly at all, my dear! :-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:58pm

  456. 456: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 434 DE thanks for sharing that from Woodward Thomas. Today I admitted to my boss who recently got a promotion that I feel jealous. He initiated the conversation by telling me he was feeling icky in his new office. He always tells me how he feels because he says he feels safe with me. He said he knew people must be disliking him and I shared that I was questioning my feelings towards him and might be harboring some bad feelings. He calmly admitted he knew but showed a bit of shock on his face. When I told him I was feeling jealous was when he was most calm and told me he understood.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 6:59pm

  457. 457: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 455 Like. I have a baby’s picture right next to my computer at work. I love babies. I feel alive when I look at them

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:01pm

  458. 458: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    >>>”My point was missed ENTIRELY, misstated if not actually ignored. That’s OK. It works well for me, as do other things I learned.

    I’d like a partner but I’m OK without one. On the other hand, don’t be surprised if I marry again before you…”<<<

    Were you talking about #414, SLV? I understood perfectly.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:02pm

  459. 459: MelNo Gravatar says:

    WOW! That felt GREAT!

    Don’t especially want to clean up the mess… but that really felt good!

    Rusty, you’re probably right. This is just another powerplay. Ugh. That just makes me want to smash something else.

    Also… you know what Rusty, last time we went dancing, I was getting asked to dance for every song. Had I not made a point to dance with my husband, my “card” would have been full all evening (this was one of those “social dance” thingies).

    I’m tiny (5’1 and 110lbs), have big gorgeous blue eyes, a great figure, I would say I’m really cute (button nose, rosy cheeks), and a great rump. You’re right Rusty, I AM a young hottie.

    I really don’t have the option of leaving unless it’s permanent. I would have to essentially quit my job and move myself 4000 km across the country, (I have no family/people I care about here) so if I make that trek, it’s for good.

    But what I CAN do is not just sit around here being miserable “waiting” for his decision.

    ******

    LOL, he just sent a text:

    HIM: “have a good sleep”
    Me: “Oh, I won’t be going to bed for a while, but thanks.”
    HIM: “Why?”

    How should I respond?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:07pm

  460. 460: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    #457/FW I actually “ache” to hold a baby. I had four, and their ‘babyhood’ was my favorite part. Just to hold them on my shoulder and rub their little back–maybe walking around or in a rhythmic movement to calm them–to feel their sweet little breath on my neck and the absolute softest little cheek against my face… It makes me cry to type this out..it touches such a deep part of me. Happy, grateful tears;-)

    No matter how down I feel at times, I am never at a loss for things to be grateful for–or things that take my breath away when I look at them <3

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:13pm

  461. 461: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Mel..I’m happy to hear you talking about yourself with such passion! You are the prize :-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:15pm

  462. 462: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mel: I’d give a fm. How are you feeling right now? Why no sleep?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:17pm

  463. 463: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    459: Mel says:

    I’m tiny (5’1 and 110lbs), have big gorgeous blue eyes, a great figure, I would say I’m really cute (button nose, rosy cheeks), and a great rump. You’re right Rusty, I AM a young hottie.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Not that I don’t believe you…but I am going to require photos to see for myself. ;-) :-P

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I really don’t have the option of leaving unless it’s permanent. I would have to essentially quit my job and move myself 4000 km across the country, (I have no family/people I care about here) so if I make that trek, it’s for good.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    With the money that you are both making, you can’t put yourself up in a small furnished studio apartment for a few weeks? I think you should do that if you can, just to make him face the reality of an empty apartment.

    Then when he comes to you and wants you back, you could be firm yet kind and state that it is what you want also, but only under the condition that you both get into counseling and only if he makes it very clear that he has learned his lesson, and will admit that he does not like the thought of life without you.

    Oh..yeah…and in case I didn’t mention it before….pictures please. ;-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:18pm

  464. 464: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Flowerchild: I love babies too. I want one….sort of. I’m feel a little hesitant because I also value my freedom.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:19pm

  465. 465: MelNo Gravatar says:

    LG

    I’m not feeling tired. I’m actually feeling energized after that egg throwing.

    …and I’ll be busy for a bit cleaning up that big mess I made. LOL a few of the eggs went flying OUT of the shower. I can throw hard!!

    And man raw eggs stink! GAG!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:21pm

  466. 466: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty,

    My most recent photo is me wearing my beekeeping veil… so it might not be my best representation. ;)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:22pm

  467. 467: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    459:

    I feel so dang happy to hear this. What did I tell ya?

    You did me proud girl. I’ve been with you every second.

    And let me tell you what I heard in this post…

    Strength and conviction. I am SO proud of you! This is one of the reasons I wanted you to do this exercise; so you would feel your strength.

    Damn girl, I feel proud of you!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:26pm

  468. 468: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    466: Mel says:

    Rusty,

    My most recent photo is me wearing my beekeeping veil… so it might not be my best representation. ;)

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Of course…if that’s all you are wearing. :-P

    Is it just me or is it getting hot in here? hehe

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:26pm

  469. 469: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Awwww, thanks Lillybelly! :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:27pm

  470. 470: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 459 You go Mel.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:28pm

  471. 471: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Now, if I was there Mel, I’d take your happy egg throwing behind out for a drink or two.

    :-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:28pm

  472. 472: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Heh. Rusty, you crack me up!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:30pm

  473. 473: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel the cleaning will help burn up some more energy. Think you will have this experience to look back on and laugh.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:30pm

  474. 474: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty, I’ll email you one, but don’t really wanna put it up in such a public place. :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:36pm

  475. 475: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    #464/LG I am past the age of having any more babies (51) and I’m the first to admit that my patience isn’t what it used to be; and I know I don’t have the kind of energy it takes to raise a child. I love being a grandmother, though <3

    I feel sort of selfish…this is the first time in my entire life that I've been all alone and can focus on JUST me. I've always been someone's wife or mother. It's a bit scary….but I value every day and I'm so grateful to be in this part of my life.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:36pm

  476. 476: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 460 I feel your passion FlowerChild. You have me wondering if you shared that graphic passion with you guy about your love for babies.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:37pm

  477. 477: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    474:

    Rusty is just going to show all his FBI dudes.

    ;-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:39pm

  478. 478: MelNo Gravatar says:

    477: LOL!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:40pm

  479. 479: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mel: I feel so thrilled that you are feeling better. I’m laughing imagining the whole scene. :-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:40pm

  480. 480: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Flowerchild: Yes, I’ve grown quite comfortable with my freedom. I will probably have a baby soon though. Sometime within the next year and a half.

    Actually, I feel really excited thinking about it.

    It will be fun. I just know it!!!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:42pm

  481. 481: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You know Mel I would not respond to his text. He wanted to away from you so I would allow him to do that,though some here would not agree with me. I would be respecting his decision. He could use his clean break to really feel what it feels like without me and we could reconnect when he gets back.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:45pm

  482. 482: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    474: Mel says:

    Rusty, I’ll email you one, but don’t really wanna put it up in such a public place. :)

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Well..OK, since you are twisting my arm and all. ;-)

    rusty5806@yahoo.com

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    477: Lilybelle says:

    474:

    Rusty is just going to show all his FBI dudes.

    ;-)

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    They already have them but they aren’t sharing. ;-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:49pm

  483. 483: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    481: Femininewoman says:

    You know Mel I would not respond to his text. He wanted to away from you so I would allow him to do that,though some here would not agree with me. I would be respecting his decision. He could use his clean break to really feel what it feels like without me and we could reconnect when he gets back.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Agree and when he wants to know why she isn’t texting back, when he gets back…just say, “I was busy.” And it would be true. She is busy getting on with her life.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:51pm

  484. 484: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    455:

    I have been doing some reading on it for sure. I’ll be focusing on the bedroom, making sure that under the bed isn’t used for storage, adding some red and yellow candles to the room, making sure I sage the new place to remove all negative energies from previous couple who lived there so that it is truly fresh and new.

    I am a decorator at heart. I love the process. I never map it out, I rarely have a plan..This is no different but when I’m all done, I typically fall in love. I have grand ideas for recovering my dining room chairs, (can be done so inexpensively) painting and such. I have another idea for bar stools for my island. I can’t wait to do that too. A can of spray paint and a teeny paint brush with a few different colors… Ideas are popping up all the time.

    Chiffon window scarves for the bedroom with soulmate rings on ribbon…so many things…

    :-)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:52pm

  485. 485: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    480:

    OMG!!! I’m so excited thinking about it for you!

    #1 Guy was the best thing that ever happened to me.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:54pm

  486. 486: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    483:

    Agreed!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:56pm

  487. 487: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    FemWoman,

    “kaitlyn I have to admit I didn’t read all you had written before writing earlier on now I see this “This feels like you wouldn’t be here listening unless it’s in hopes to reel me in as a boyfriend”. He feels your vibe, he knows what your goal is and in my humble opinion he might need to feel that you are interested in him as a human being. He might need to feel you connecting with his spirit. I would find a way to share my passion for life my dreams for my life my connection with something bigger than me, whatever that is for you. Then ask him how about you. I might be wrong but I sense that is the subliminal message he is sending. Don’t know if this makes sense.”

    I feel worried that I already ruined everything because he felt said vibe from me. And I worry that I’ll never get a chance to show him more of myself and my life because there wont be a lean fwd from him.

    Maybe my friends are right…if you have to be on a relationship blog to figure it out, he’s not the right guy for you.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 7:59pm

  488. 488: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn since you showed up here you seemed to be a worrier. Why would your friends be right and you wrong?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:03pm

  489. 489: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Because they’re in successful relationships and I’m not.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:04pm

  490. 490: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    That doesn’t make them right about your relationship. What is a successful relationship anyway?

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:06pm

  491. 491: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    #476/FW I was 38 when I met him (and he was 45.) He can’t have children. Since I had four of my own already, that was fine with me. (Also, it was great that I didn’t have to worry about birth control!)

    He knows my passion for life–for gardening, for antiques, for my grandchildren, for sensual experiences with him (wink-wink.)

    I don’t think he shares my passion for babies, but I remember holding my first grand baby and rocking her…trying to get her to stop crying and he was so patient. I took care of her when her mom wanted to go back to work after 6 weeks. The crying, etc. didn’t bother him at all.

    Yeah…he knows me…

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:15pm

  492. 492: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty: Sent. :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:16pm

  493. 493: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Where is Daria ???
    I loved LG’s posts …..loved loved loved

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:20pm

  494. 494: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Loved LG’s posts

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:21pm

  495. 495: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I plan to be out at my lovely yoga class, or swimming in the river or something when he gets home from camping tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go out dancing.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:23pm

  496. 496: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn…she’s right. I’m here trying to figure out if the guy I spent the last 12 years with is the right guy for me. Rori and what she teaches has completely turned my world upside down. Guy or no guy–what I’ve learned here has changed my life and I can never ‘go back’ to the way I used to see things and handle things.

    Your friends have no right to judge you. They may mean well, but only YOU know what’s right for you. Can you see yourself taking what you’ve learned here and using it to go on with your life doing things that you enjoy and value? As long as he can contact you…you never know what might happen <3 And, in the meanwhile, you won't be "on hold" waiting….

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:23pm

  497. 497: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    495:

    That is what I am talking about, Mel!

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:26pm

  498. 498: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn: I can kind of see what your friends are saying. For me, it’s not about being on the blog rather more about the emotions you feel interacting with him.

    From my perspective, it seems like he doesn’t meet some important needs of yours and that you feel pretty bad in regard to his actions often.

    Ultimately though, you are the only judge of this.

    What everyone thinks doesn’t matter one bit.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:30pm

  499. 499: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: heart melting <3

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:33pm

  500. 500: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    Maybe it means I’m too needy. I don’t see Tinque whining and acting needy like I do.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:47pm

  501. 501: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Mel… when he gets back, tell him it’s your turn to have the car and take off for the afternoon :)

    I’d break some dishes or something else too… I REALLY like the sound of a smashed dish. When my ex would drink a lot, I’d pour the whole damn bottle down the sink, because I could! He’d just go buy another one, but it made me feel good while doing it!!! :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:35pm

  502. 502: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque, that is a relief because I do say I love when you… I’m vocal, have been known to purr on occassion…. and do really feel my emotions show. I have to work on the stuffing. I think being a military wife made me really strong, and I learned to suck it up. Military life is not your own, they miss birthdays, anniversaries, pregnancies, births, move you to places you don’t want to go… so to adapt to that, I learned to make the best of things. I think I talk myself out of bad feelings often, which isn’t really dealing with them, jut shifting them. I’ll work on that.

    FW, you are right. I thought all those things about missing my girls, feeling lonely in the house, worried if they were ok, missing our snuggle time… I thought them all, but didn’t say all that. I guess it will be interesting to see when I really try to focus on my feelings, what I do share in feeling messages. I’m excited to experiment with this and to see what happens.

    Thanks for the support! :)

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:39pm

  503. 503: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Going out for a drink around a bunch of degenerates now…yay me

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:43pm

  504. 504: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, I’m so glad you followed thru with the egg-throwing and that it felt good! <3

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 9:57pm

  505. 505: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you DE, Tinque, Brenda and everyone else for the birthday wishes! I had a great day at work, so thankful for a job I love, and just enjoyed the day! My coworkers got me cupcakes and kept saying happy bday all day…so nice! Then after work, dinner with a friend….I feel sleepy! Thanks all for your encouragement and so far 40 seems to be ok….LOL

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 11:45pm

  506. 506: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, PERFECT example of what I was talking about yesterday… Sooo about an hour ago “boo man” and I were texting, he asked me if we could be sexual, I told him these exact words.. “I’m not looking to be just sexually involved with a man, I’m looking to be in a relationship, and I don’t want to pressure you, but I need you to know that in order for me to be sexually involved with a man I need to be in an exclusive relationship with him first so I can get to know him better.” His response… “I get it.” And then he keeps on saying things like please can we do this, please can we do that… After about a hundred times of me telling him no, I finally say.. ” I just feel that it would be easier if we didn’t.. And it would make me feel a lot better.” And he responds to me with, “Well I think it would be a lot easier if I came and picked you up and you came and stayed with me for a week.” This is also something we have been talking about.. And I told him I might, but I’m not making any promises, and he told me to promise him at least 3 days. . . I told him that I don’t feel comfortable making a promise that I might not be able to keep.. He got angry at me and said “wowww.” I asked him what, and he said “Nothing, whatever.” I didn’t text him back after that because I can start to feel myself getting defensive when he gets upset with me. . . I don’t know why he keeps getting mad at me, it honestly seems to me like he is not good at relationships, and that is just my opinion. If anyone else has an opinion please let me know.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 12:42am

  507. 507: LadybugNo Gravatar says:

    –“He got angry at me and said “wowww.” I asked him what, and he said “Nothing, whatever.” I didn’t text him back after that because I can start to feel myself getting defensive when he gets upset with me. . . I don’t know why he keeps getting mad at me, it honestly seems to me like he is not good at relationships, and that is just my opinion. If anyone else has an opinion please let me know.”–

    He’s toxic. He’s trying to use anger on you as his emotional blackmail tool. Say good-bye to this man and let him be angry with other people, not you.

    **************************************************

    I had my very first POF date tonight with a very nice man, Race Car Driver. We like each other a lot and will spend a lot of time together through the weekend at the track. I’ll be his cheerleader. I’ve observed him in the wild for several years, he’s in it for the fun. He has a great sense of humor. I still did a background check on him. He’s very open and honest, a good communicator and very affectionate. Oh, a nice car that always places 1st or 2nd wherever he runs.

    I’ll give feeling messages to power trippin’ push/pull man next week. Right now, girls just wanna have fun!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:38am

  508. 508: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Steve is getting his transplant today!! Pray!!!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:03am

  509. 509: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Seeing Evil Dead tmrw with friends. I’ve decided to take my friends up on their invite tmrw and maybe eat something today.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:11am

  510. 510: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @455: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…Environment is very important. I think it was in a Christiane Northrup book where I read that every time we are in ‘awe’ it’s like a shot of serotonin in the brain. I realized how important it is to be surrounded by things that are very pleasing to us.
    Every time I look out on my front porch (now that it’s all clean and full of greenery) I just breath in and smile…”

    So true! I live in a very large city. (The street name is recognized by people in most countries of the world)…yet I also have a beautiful tiny private garden. There are formal flower plantings, large flowering shrubs, hedges, grass and trees. A lot of noisy birds also outside my windows but I love them too. I feel like a princess whenever I walk in or out the door. Plus I adore the gaslight style lamp posts and the statuary. I appreciate things big and small. And I love it when the gardeners cut the grass!

    @458: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…Were you talking about #414, SLV? I understood perfectly…”

    Yes, as it referred to an earlier post. Sometimes I forget people are exploring waters I’ve already sailed. Sailed and charted. So it goes. But I’m still learning all the time. Refining. I plan to take a leaf from a young woman newly known to me. She just turned 26 this week. She’s very smart and mature. I admire her and I’m learning a lot from her.

    :D

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:21am

  511. 511: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @459: Mel says:
    “…Rusty, you’re probably right. This is just another powerplay….”

    While that is possible. I believe it’s more probable that it’s not. True, perhaps he wants to get away for a while. I would. Actually, who knows and why is Rusty “reading his mind?” Doesn’t “Rori advise” against “mind reading?” Or is Rusty exempt? As the blog goes he’s probably exempt…. LOL :lol:

    Powerplay. Power play. Power play. Power play. Power play. Power play.

    Interesting.

    :D

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:34am

  512. 512: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @508: Jeannette says:
    “…Steve is getting his transplant today!! Pray!!!…”

    Wonderful good news! If it helps, I’ll be sending out all the positive energy vibes I can muster up… for Lucy’s daughter too.

    Love force on its way.

    :D

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:37am

  513. 513: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Up early and checking out my people. This is going to be a crunch working weekend. I hope it rains so I don’t mind being inside but I just checked and the forecast is clear and in the mid-80sF…

    Have a good weekend.

    :D

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:58am

  514. 514: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Woof just back from a cd, handsome man turned out to be a thug, and at the end of the date dropped the ball

    I stuffed and felt kinda bad on 2 occasions, but mostly did not stuff

    I saw this movie – midnite in Paris – last nite and it helped bec the heroine is very sireny so I emulated her.

    I noticed how the stuffing was minor initially and then grew !!

    So glad to practice

    Lots to unwind

    At times I felt scared humiliated and disconnected. … Then felt angry.

    This is not ok!

    Yay me for noticing.

    Yay me for deciding to leave!

    I took great care of me…

    I don’t have to stuff.

    His friends loved me, they all did, even him tho he … I dono if he’ll get another shot…

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:04am

  515. 515: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    508:

    WOW, Jeanette. That happened FAST!

    Saying lots of prayers.

    ~Lilybelle.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:44am

  516. 516: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 508 That’s fanatastic news. You both will be in my prayers.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:10am

  517. 517: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @508
    Love and prayers for you and Steve, Jeannette

    xoxo

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:13am

  518. 518: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy how is your daughter?

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:14am

  519. 519: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda still thinking of you and praying for you.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:15am

  520. 520: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    DE Susan responded to that story you wrote at 763 on the He’s Depressed threat. I think you could possibly help her with some comments.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:33am

  521. 521: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh. I was feeling so good last night. I knew he wasn’t coming home, I dealt with it. This morning, I have this lump in my stomach. I feel this sense of dread around his return. I don’t know what it means. I don’t know if he’s made any decisions or just had a fun time in the bush. I don’t know what to expect when he arrives. But even worse, him just coming back, with nothing changing feels worse. I’m feeling impatient. I’m feeling angry again.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:39am

  522. 522: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel try blah blah blah when your mind drifts to him you do have a choice

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:41am

  523. 523: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    Holding the faith with you Jeannette. (((hugs to both you and Steve)))

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:03am

  524. 524: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Mel~

    Part of what I wanted to say yesterday and didn’t was that I want you to believe that you can take YOUR power back. You are a young, vital, gorgeous women with much to offer.. even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I feel so much like HE has all the power here, he gets to decide if he wants to be married to you, he gets to go off on a weekend alone, he gets to go out after work and not come home, he gets…he gets… he gets…what about YOU? He gets to DO whatever he wants while you get to sit in the aftermath of it.

    What about what YOU want? I want you to know that I am talking to you like I would my BFF~ I would tell her to stand up for herself, scream and yell and I would tell her that without a doubt, she has GOT to take back HER power. I strongly feel this for you, girl. I’m not so sure I would be home when he returned this evening. Strip it all away, take away the hurt feelings and listen to what your tummy is telling you. It is knotted because your intuition is talking to you, only you know what it is saying.

    Now go beat the hell out of something.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:03am

  525. 525: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Jeannette, my thoughts and prayers are with you. ((Hugs)))

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 8:29am

  526. 526: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh~

    I just realized I don’t have jack for kitchen stuff..

    But, I got the junk drawer cleaned out! YAY!!!

    I’m on a roll here.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 9:03am

  527. 527: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Isn’t it a good feeling? Happy “rolling” to you! :-)

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 9:21am

  528. 528: TheThinkerNo Gravatar says:

    Royce, even if you don answer. I feel better even if your reading or someone elese is, Okay so there was this guy who i was dating. He wasnt affectionate enough, always working, and just didnt show me anything, I read your book and tried to do those things. But he wasnt changing at all. Well I broke up with him. Because he was being an extreme ass to me, and after I broke up with him I met so many nice men, then he came back. He showed me all the things I always wanted him to show me, when he came back we had a big talk and in that talk , I mentioned gettng back together, (You would think he would take the offer) But instead he said we can work on it and that he has things to work on to be successful in the realionship. So what I did was cut off all the nice guys I met and actually gave it a chance, to my surprise nothing changed he still didnt make time to se , text or call me, days would go by with out me hearing a word from him, but he would make time to chill with his friends. So I took the hint, and let him off. I am not letting him back in my life, or talking to him EVER again. Im getting over him, and going on dates with this guy whos such a gentle men! I like him, but I’m still so unsure of what to feel help me someone!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 10:08am

  529. 529: DENo Gravatar says:

    FW #520:

    Good morning from the west coast :)

    I admit I felt touched and surprised to be thought of someone who could help :) Thank you :)

    I am not subscribed to older threads…i berely keep up with the current one :)

    Hope the ladies will join us on this one too…it’s much easier :)

    I read Susan’s story…I feel afraid it may not be what she wants to hear…

    This quote came to mind though :

    ” I sit on a man’s back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means – except by getting off his back…” – Leo Tols*toy

    Warm hugs,

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 10:17am

  530. 530: DENo Gravatar says:

    Jeannette:

    My thoughts as in prayers are with you and Steve…

    Big warm hugs,

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 10:20am

  531. 531: LadybugNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh! I didn’t let my daughters recycle boyfriends, why did I think I could their dad for another spin? I will love him forever, he gave me beautiful children and we had an adventerous time together, but……

    Women change and grow, Men don’t!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 10:32am

  532. 532: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    500: kaitlyn says:

    LG,

    Maybe it means I’m too needy. I don’t see Tinque whining and acting needy like I do.

    Friday, 17 June 2011 @ 8:47pm

    Kaitlyn: I feel bummed hearing that because I’m not wanting to encourage you to doubt yourself.

    I don’t see it as a matter of being too needy. I see it more as just being very clear about what we value.

    The impression I get from Tinque is that she looks for what she wants to see and lets go of the rest. That is such a powerful skill to have when we are constantly exposed to outside criticism, our own nv’s, and the opinions of others.

    I believe that is a good part of why she comes across as so calm and serene.

    Something else I have noticed from her is that she doesn’t ever express negative things about her man. I’m guessing that is a conscious choice on her part. I’m sure he triggers her every once in a while yet it seems like she doesn’t feed those thoughts and chooses to focus on the ways that he does make her happy.

    I guess “needy” behavior is called that because we “need” the other person to act a certain way so that we feel good. We feel dependent on them to feel okay.

    I’m just musing here and not sure of where I am going with this.

    I feel curious to hear if this resonates with you.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 11:05am

  533. 533: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson: Happy belated birthday!!! I feel so happy to have you here.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 11:13am

  534. 534: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    >>>”I guess “needy” behavior is called that because we “need” the other person to act a certain way so that we feel good. We feel dependent on them to feel okay.”<<<
    ******************************************************

    Couldn't it also mean that we're with the wrong man? That we 'need' more than they can or are willing to give?

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 11:31am

  535. 535: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    What I do appreciate about last night is I got to laugh powerfully w a group of people like I wanted. :)

    Yay

    And I mostly did an amazing job of feeling messages, not stuffing, and going feminine energy

    I feel a lil dissapointed that if I had not stuffed the first time, I wouldn’t feel turned off on lil daddy like I do now, while at the same time still like him and wish he behaved differently

    loving myself

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 11:51am

  536. 536: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Neediness usually if not always comes from within, a place where you are not giving to yourself.

    Yet we all carry some neediness. I believe every intimate relationship carries some degree of this, and I don’t know that this is a negative thing.

    Yes Laughing Goddess, your musings were accurate. I hadn’t thought of all this in this way, and it’s brilliantly put, so thank you.

    But I’m not perfect. I have my moments too once in awhile. And K doesn’t often trigger me; it’s rare, and I don’t know if it’s because of how I choose to live and be in this relationship or if we are just really good together. Maybe it’s both.

    I honestly don’t have anything negative to say about him but if I did, it would tell me that I have things to look at within myself. It would tell me that he’s reflecting me back to me.

    It could be I’m projecting, or it could be something much deeper coming up to be healed.

    xxoo

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 11:59am

  537. 537: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 529 DE All I can say is wow. These quotes are really helping me to become clear that we really need to be living our own lives regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 12:06pm

  538. 538: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 528 Thinker I heard in Rori’s interview with Expert Johnathan Aslay that some men are just bad daters. Your guy might just be one of those bad daters. It is great though that you are dating others. Hope you can remain warm and open to those who come in your life so you can be aware of yourself and what you want.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 12:12pm

  539. 539: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohh realizing some insights.

    The way last nite man behaved was similar to transformer man and some other men .

    It seems like they are trying to scare ne, put me on the spot. They say stuff like ‘u make me feel unconfortable’

    Haha I am laughing because I remember a guy I was not in the least bit intimidated by trying that on me one day ‘sit down ur making me unconfortable’

    And I suddenly saw it was done on purpose… Like a boundary ‘test’

    I want to transcend that and answer w truth right through that.

    Then also I noticed a certain nervousness like I wanted to impress him – which I communicated amazingly well

    I actually had a breakthrough of ‘admitting’ how attractive I found him and how I felt around him, and I was blushing and covering my face feeling so embarrased to let him know that… Because I don’t think I ever told a man something like that, I ‘play it cool’ in the past

    Yeah so the nervousness was there like I feel w transformer man.

    So last night I was feeling tense after they had drunk something and they seemed less in control…

    And the man was trying to cuddle me instead of straighten out the logistics of what I felt worried about

    And I told him I didn’t want to I felt tense, he said he’s trying to make me feel better,

    But I didn’t feel good
    And then he said I’m mean to him

    And he said he doesnt think were a match

    I felt dissapointed

    And I feel so good about how I handled it I said …

    Oh…. I hear you… That doesn’t feel good

    And I looked full on at him

    I had a feeling before that that ‘the other shoe would drop’. Or that he was about to be mean to me – which I communicated, OMG, so well

    I felt distant from him in a way

    And…. I noticed he had a hard time holding my eye contact.

    So that was like a red flag for me… I noticed I felt concerned

    Them after he drank He had an easier time looking at me – well I noticed he was able to hold eye contact

    Ohhh

    I feel so good I’m learning so much here!

    Haha I decided to go take the bus home, and did!

    And then he actually came back and walked and was like, u shouldn’t be here

    But I didn’t trust him to take me home, cuz he started waffling, plus he had no gas money and I was only willing to give him 5 lol

    Lol!

    So I took the bus then walked them took a taxi

    That’s right I Left!

    I coulda left earlier when he first made the first not feel good comment that had me thinking he didn’t want to take me

    And I didn’t speak on it in the moment, kept waiting, then something Rlse that felt bad happened – I was feeling disconnected and tight cuz I had just stuffed and he flirted w the waitress –

    And I Did bring up both things later, like how I felt jealous, and how I had felt scared :)

    And the guys were all like aww, haha

    And I also used ‘are u mad at me’ and they were like aww

    Next time I would have liked to speak up in the moment and

    I dono… If it was safe to get out right then and there cuz I don’t know how to find a bus stop… So I stuffed … But historically that hasn’t felt good for me.

    Perhaps getting out in nowhere land is not so bad.

    Compared to stuffing which feels like whole body clenching and it gets worse over time

    Wouldn’t it feel nice if I had a man or friend to rely on at all times of nite to get me?

    Sone people have lots.

    At least I do have my parents and they would get me, but I’d rather take 3 hours to get home than call them

    I love me

    Writing about this is making me feel better

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 12:52pm

  540. 540: thirtysevenNo Gravatar says:

    oh boy. am i in a mess. i could really use some help and an outside opinion if anyone is inclined to read this long post.

    we went out to see my boyfriends sons band play the other night. having a great time. i run into an old friend, and when my bf of 9/10 months walks over to join us my friend looks at him and says oh! hi! i just met you 2 weeks ago at [bar name]. [bar name] being the bar where this person used to work, and bf’s ex works. he never mentioned to me there recently. wow. my face was on fire. we step aside, i casually ask him, sooooo when were you at [bar name]? you didnt tell me that……. and he says i dont tell you bc when i tell you that i see her you get upset. ABOUT NOTHING. [yeah its so much better to find about it like this]. i said i feel horrible and embarrassed and im just going to quietly leave and we can discuss this tomorrow.

    i tried to be nice when first meeting this girl, and if she would have acted like a normal, respectful person i was open to befriending her. but shes seems to think its ok, for whatever reason, to exert some “claim” of familiarity on him. [he just calls it “old habits”]. he’s had not just one, but 3 or 4 repeated talks with her, asking her to cut out the touchyness and “lovey dovey” – his words – behavior in front of me, told her i feel disrespected & uncomfortable…… and apparantly she basically rolled her eyes and said she doesnt mean anything by it and she tells him i’m controlling and overreacting. then what does she do the next time i see her? just like clockwork i watch her walk over and lock her arm up under his, tucking herself under him, and he just stands there frozen. BACK OFF! you’ve been asked! i cannot respect or try to find the positive in a girl who wont even *try* to maintain respectful boundaries. its bringing out a really ugly side of me & i’m past the point of even wanting to make peace with her.

    i read here ages ago that as we grew stronger as a couple he should naturally distance himself from her if i just stay focus on myself and let us blossom. i totally thought thats what was happening; our connection is incredible. months ago he said, i hardly even talk to her anymore. she finally started seeing someone too and i thought maybe this would help them move apart a bit……. but the huge fight we had the other night i find out that “hardly” means down to only once or twice a week plus texts etc and him stopping in to see her at work……. the only difference is that now he doesnt tell me. i feel stupid that i thought we had completely open lines of communication and trust. and i feel stupid bc caused the omissions bc i cant handle him being so involved with her.

    i told him i need to take a break to think. i love him and what we have is really good. im not trying to tell someone what they can or cant do, but im at a point where i cringe when i hear her name, and i have to take a xanax when shes invited over to the house with other friends. i do use feeling messages often but they kind of lose their impact when its the same stupid argument you’ve already had 20 times. i told him i feel curious as to why he needs to remain so close with her. ive said some really awful things about her that im embarrassed of and i dont want to live like this. but how can he love me as much as he does, yet be blind as to how this continued connection with another woman makes me feel.

    i dont want to leave him, but its grown into this big huge issue and it feels like theres no solution other than just breaking down & admitting that i tried but i guess im not the girl who can handle my man still being so close to his last live-in girlfriend. i’m not strong enough to just roll with it. i feel weak for letting it get to me……. but it does. i just dont see anyone else i know – family friends etc – having their ex still so involved in their life. this is the only thing we fight about and i hate it. if i had known in week one that in order to have him i would have to accept this package too i would have walked. but after 9 months im attached and i love him! plus i truly thought if i just played it cool earlier and gave us time to grow the frequency/intensity would lessen. it hasn’t.

    we last spoke on thursday and he just kept saying “i havent done anything wrong” and “i just want to make up. just tell me what to do to get out of trouble”. what do i even do?

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 1:12pm

  541. 541: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Ughh!! I am feeling soo angry and sad and hurt right now! This guy asked me if I wanted to have sex, we will call him “B”.. Me and him have already slept together but that was back when I thought that having sex with him would bring him closer to me, so today when he asked that, I felt really.. umm whats the word.. Used?? And hurt, so I decided that I would no longer hold back what I was feeling, I’ve never tried telling him how I felt before. And today I told him that there was something on my mind and I needed to get it out, I told him that I’m not holding it against him that he wants sex but I felt kinda hurt that we don’t ever really follow through with our plans or cancel out on them and if we do follow through then all we do is have sex.. I told him that I don’t like feeling like that’s the only thing I am for someone and that I’m not okay with being just sexually involved with someone. I told him that I wasn’t trying to pressure him but that’s the way I felt.. He told me I was “trippin” and that if I think I’m ever gonna find a guy that actually wants a relationship then I’m crazy because he knows how guys think and no guy just looks for a relationship, I tried not replying to him but he just kept on talking to me.. And then I told him that I was starting to feel upset so I’m going to go.. He was being so rude to me, saying that people are so stupid and every girl just wants a boyfriend and he was referring to me.. I’m feeling sooo angry right now I just want to cry, obviously he is not mature enough for a relationship because he doesn’t even know that men can feel emotionally attracted to women instead of just physically attracted.. I feel angry that he thinks he has the right to tell me that I will never find a man that wants a relationship.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 1:32pm

  542. 542: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 540 It seems good to me that you are reviewing the situation and how you feel about it. It is a boundary issue for you and I encourage you to read Rori’s category on Other Women in his Life. Scroll down and look to your right. It seems to me she might be a permanent part of his life and pointless for you to argue with him about. Ask yourself the tough questions and be honest with yourself. I would also write out how I feel with the situation and if I believe I can live with it in the long run. I also sense this is an exclusive relationship and wonder if you are open to circular dating.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 1:34pm

  543. 543: thirtysevenNo Gravatar says:

    i feel a weird sort of remorse as soon as i hit that submit button. i feel embarrassed and incapable that i have problems that i don’t know how to sort out by myself. i also feel like a heel that the few times that ive posted here are when i feel like im in some sort of crisis mode. i learn so much from reading this blog but only open my mouth when i feel like a big frikkin mess. blah.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 1:36pm

  544. 544: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 543 Warm hugs babe. Don’t worry about it. You are safe here.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 1:40pm

  545. 545: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thirtyseven It is okay to ask for help

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 1:41pm

  546. 546: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Not to mention, I feel emberassed that I told him how I felt and he completely made it into my fault, I feel better that I got it out, but I feel sad because he got defensive. . . What do I do??

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 1:54pm

  547. 547: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t heard from Adam at all.

    whatever dude, turn your back on me like she did yours. why? because you lost respect for me when i was on your side and supportive when she and your friends betrayed you. i still am. but i stupidly stuck around when you dealt me the friend card.

    my inner drama queen is very tempted now.

    i’ve never done anything dramatic to a guy before. i’ve always been the strong one to ride off on my horse.

    not now.

    i feel like writing her and copy/pasting all the emails he sent me crying over the situation with her. and telling her to please get back with him so they can be very happy together, since she is so important to him that he canceled his trip to see me as well as placed her importance slotted over his father dying in icu.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 1:55pm

  548. 548: thirtysevenNo Gravatar says:

    thanks for the input. i have read every single blog i can about other women in his life.

    it does feel like its just a dealbreaker, plain and simple. as much as i dont want it to be, i cannot deal with it and it is not lessening which is what those blogs led me to hope for. it just seems so unfair to find a man you really connect with yet have this one huge issue where you just cannot find yourself on the same page.

    i do have very much my own life. we are exclusive, but i do my own thing and do not rely solely on him for my happiness. the past 2 days i have not been crying aaround the house like i would have in the past. i’ve gotten out, walked, spent time with a friend, and went out to a concert last night. i’m surprisingly finding out that i’m having a blast by myself……… THOUGH i really, really miss him and do want him in my life forever.

    he is actually the one who is sending me texts like “being on break blows. i miss you” and last night i told him that the concert was awesome and i hung out with one of his friends for a bit there [i would rather he hear it from me than from him] & he said he just stayed home and watched tv like a sucker.

    it really wasnt my intention but i like the idea of giving him a week to experience life without me, maybe when we sit down to talk again he wants to make some sort of concessions re her in order to keep me in his life. otherwise i might just tell him that i cant live with this, it makes me too uncomfortable, and if he reaches a point down the line when he is a little more freed up from exes he can let me know. he should only be so lucky to find me still available!! :)

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 2:03pm

  549. 549: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    yeah. i’m not as cool and evolved as you sirens.

    i haven’t learned sh1t here.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 2:11pm

  550. 550: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FC77:
    “Couldn’t it also mean that we’re with the wrong man? That we ‘need’ more than they can or are willing to give?”

    Well, thats different than needy to me. We all have needs.

    Maybe “needy” is when rather than acknowledge that we need more than they can or are willing to give, we try to get them to do it through strategizing, complaining, etc.

    I feel unsure of the answer to this. I’m just exploring the concept.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 2:15pm

  551. 551: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn: Why do you say that?

    You are a natural in many ways IMHO. We all are. This isn’t a competition type of thing.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 2:17pm

  552. 552: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bad. I don’t want to contribute to you feeling that way.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 2:19pm

  553. 553: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    What am I feeling?

    I’m feeling more alive after spending that time doing art. There are so many fun things I want to do. I want to join that women’s art group that my friends have.

    And I want to go to dance class. And I want to step up my beauty rituals. I want to make a habit of having beauty time at night where I take a bath, put on a deep conditioning mask, and just nurture myself.

    I love looking beautiful. I love when I feel confident. I want to spend more time caring for myself in that way.

    And I want to spend more time doing creative projects.

    I also want to spend more time with my friends. I feel so guilty because I am always blowing people off. I feel so much guilt about that. I judge myself for being a hermit.

    That feels bad. I don’t want to judge myself.

    But I feel better when I feel balanced, a balance between social time or alone time. I’m realizing that I need both every day.

    Journalling felt so good today. I would like to get the goddess temple cleaned up.

    So much I want to do. Why do I feel so stuck?

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 2:45pm

  554. 554: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel something holding me back and I’m not sure what it is.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 2:46pm

  555. 555: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mostly I am feeling impatient. I want everything to happen right now!!!

    Am I really ready for it to all happen right now? No, not really.

    Satisfied with what is and eager for more?

    That feels better.

    I want to live my dreams!!!!!!

    I am in so many ways. And I will keep having dreams. So there may always be some things that are unfulfilled because I will always have new and fresh dreams and desires.

    But I feel so impatient and I get hard on myself for the things I haven’t achieved yet.

    Ugh, I feel sick of my mind driving me crazy. Please be easy on me mind. I’m doing the best I can right now.

    All these voices. So many opinions. How do I keep it all straight?

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:05pm

  556. 556: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Now that I have felt my pain and really payed attention to how I feel, I realize that once again, even though “B’s” reaction to what I told him was negative, it doesn’t matter. I wasn’t looking for his approval, I was trying to make it clear to him what I wanted and how I felt.. What he thinks doesn’t matter. What I feel does, and now that I got that out I feel. . . free, I don’t feel trapped or stuck anymore like I did before.. I can move on from him now, I now feel like I realize he is not the type of guy that I would want a relationship with.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:32pm

  557. 557: LonePlumNo Gravatar says:

    541: Kayla 
    546
    ***What do I do?? ***
    Nothing, you were perfect. Let it go.
    If he contacts you again, keep your line: you love yourself and you don’t have sex outside of a relationship.

    He does not have what it takes to make a relationship and he needs to make believe to himself his ways are “normal”.
    He sees he is losing a sexual partner, and he is saying she is crazy, in order for him to feel “normal”.
    So he lied about the other men on the planet. The truth is he knows men marry women every second on this planet.
    His reaction speaks about himself, not about you.

    Your reaction speaks about you. I feel proud of you.

    Xxx

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:40pm

  558. 558: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    556:

    That a girl, Kayla. This is why we come here and talk about the things that we are feeling. Pouring it out to a ton of “random” women may sound silly to some but this is a place full of women who are supportive and loving and FULL of insight.

    Please stick around and join us. There is much love here for you. ;-)

    ~Lilybelle.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:46pm

  559. 559: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    RE 550: I agree when you say that neediness doesn’t come from us wanting and needing more than a certain man can give us, and acknowledging it, neediness comes from women trying to convince a man to give them what they want and need.. Men want to feel needed, but they don’t want to feel like they can’t give you what you need.. maybe? And if women are trying to convince men, and complain to them all the time, how do you think we are making men feel??? Probably like they can’t give us what we need. Especially because if you aren’t telling them what you need in a mature way that they can understand, then how do women expect men to even know what we need in the first place.. which leaves women always wanting more, therefore making us seem needy. On the other hand, acknowledging the fact that we have wants and needs and explaining it in a mature way that a man can understand, and also not trying to MAKE them give us what we want or need, and realizing that we have plenty of options to get what we want and need, might make a man realize the same thing and might make him like the fact that we have certain needs, but if he can’t give them to us, then we have other options.. Therefore women aren’t always left wanting more, and we don’t seem needy. Tell a man your needs in a mature way, that he can understand, leave the decision on whether he wants to fulfill your needs or not, up to him.. And if he doesn’t want to fulfill them.. Then you have other options (: this is just my opinion.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:46pm

  560. 560: LonePlumNo Gravatar says:

    556: Kayla

    That feels good to read :)

    xxx

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:46pm

  561. 561: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    557:

    Beautifully said. You are one smart cookie.

    Tight Hugs!

    ~Lilybelle.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:48pm

  562. 562: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey,

    So I have some stuff to tell you all…

    I feel excited!

    So last night I went to the pub… and wait for it, I only had 3 small glasses of wine, plus 2 small glasses at home. Over the course of the whole evening.

    I appreciate this is still a lot, and I plan to continue reducing, however this is so much less than usual, and I was able to get up and go to work and function normally.

    So that feels good.

    And the whole time I was a the pub I was feeling my feelings, and being aware that as I drank I was less and less in touch with them.

    And just the fact that I was able to feel them for longer whilst sober, AND danced, and felt akward, and I had funb, even while I was sober. Well lets just say this is a BIG babystep for me.

    So pub guy was there and I leaned back and he came to me.

    So I allowed him to come back to mine… well he wanted me to go back with him, and I said No I am going home, and he tests my boundaries all the way by walking away towards his place, and only when I didn’t follow and carried on towards mine, only then did he come to me and walk me home.

    I allowed him to come inside for one drink AND I did not let it get sexual, and then I asked him to leave and go home, and he did…

    He thought I would cave, and I could have easily, but somehow I blundered my way to my boundary and he left and after an initial pang of lonliness I feel REALLY GOOD!

    I know it is still not perfect, and it is a great babystep.

    He is still with his g,friend… and we had some open, honest feeling conversation about how I felt about all that, and he caught my feelings, finally, after a long time of not catching them.

    Good practice.

    I could so get into analysing him, and I won’t. What is more interesting is my behaviour around him and how I feel and my patterns and what I do.

    And I feel as though I am observing all that. And it feels inda quiet, and watchful, and that feels amazing!

    And the other thing I did last night was practiced the waterwheel tool in the pub, and imagined that ALL the men there were whaterwheeling energy towards me. Also I had been manifesting lots of people talking to me in the pub, and that is the picture I had been holding in my head.

    And you know what, it really worked!

    Like suddenly all the guys were looking at me, and I mean REALLY looking, and they were approaching me to say HI and chat, whereas normally it is me appraoching them (well I try not to and sometims I do when I feel alone).

    And I was just dancing and having fun and you know what I really didn’t care of people talked to me or not.

    And at one point I was on my own and I just danced and smiled and felt happy, and then people appraocjed me again!

    Whoop whoop.

    This feels like a major breakthrough to me!

    And I feels o good.

    And new CD wanted me to go out tonight and I couldn’t. And there are more men coming, I feel it.

    And tonight is Saturday night and I decided just to stay in and chill out, even though I had an invite to go out. I realised that I wanted to stay in and have some down time, for myself, and that is what I need above everything else.

    I needed some time off, and resting, processing, getting my room in order and catching up on the blog. So that is what I decided to do, and it feels really good to be taking care of my needs and energy above all else.

    I feel like I am making progress and suddenly things are shifting for me again.

    xoxoxoxo

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:49pm

  563. 563: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lillybelle, and thank you loneplum (: I feel a boost of confidence because I feel like I did the right thing and I have support from other people who feel like I did the right thing.. Amazingg!! <3

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:49pm

  564. 564: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    555:

    Beautiful LG~

    Is it raining there?

    How can I help?

    ~Lilybelly.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:50pm

  565. 565: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    563:

    You TOTALLY did the right thing and this feeling you have now, is your spirit/intuition telling you the same. That is why it feels so good.

    Well done.

    ~Lilybelle.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:52pm

  566. 566: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    (:

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:54pm

  567. 567: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    562:

    Rock Star Siren Goddess!!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:58pm

  568. 568: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    And the other danger here is for me to fall into a pattern with pubguy of moaning and whinging about my bad feelings around he situation each time I see him and I just don’t want to do that.

    It is not productive or helpful for him or me.

    It is tricky though as those are the feelings that get triggered here.

    Myabe it is more about an internal awareness and processing.

    In general what I would like to do is focus more on all the positive feelings I have about stuff.

    I will be paying more attention to that.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:01pm

  569. 569: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    I have a CD tomorrow with a new guy…

    Strange thing about him, he is “perfect” on paper. Great looking to boot. He has a very soothing voice and is so far, kind and generous of his self. This one, I am actually looking REALLY forward to. I don’t feel nervous, I feel calm. He is open and responsive to the FM’s I have stated, including those that are “I really love blah blah blah” and yet, has maintained his masculinity, which I LOVE.

    Here is the very strange thing… My emails from dudes on POF have come to a screeching halt since my interactions with HotHDDude… dribbled down to about one per day.

    Just very interesting to notice.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:28pm

  570. 570: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Is anyone watching the Bachelorette?

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:28pm

  571. 571: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Totally off track and I just want to ask, does anyone else feel humiliated and uncomfortable when going for a sexual health check up?

    I feel embarressed. And my NVs say ‘they must be looking at you and judging, thinking she is far too old to still be out playing the field and having sex, why isn’t she married and settled down like all respectable young women.

    She must be a hussy cus she has to have checks to make suire she has no sexual diseases!’

    ICK ICK…

    But getting them done is a sensible thing right?

    Although my vagina does NOT feel happy about being poked and prodded by the instruments they use to do they checks.

    It feels humiliating!

    Urgggh.

    And it is one time when I do stuff my feelings, otherwise I would probably freak out.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:36pm

  572. 572: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – u can get the STD checks as just urine. U can even buy ur own tests online

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:45pm

  573. 573: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Daria,

    I will look into that if/when I need them done again.

    Thanks.

    xoxoxox

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:50pm

  574. 574: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    He called

    I’m feeling angry and insecure

    My thoughts say he just called cuz his friends want to hang out. He still thinks were looking for different things and isn’t interested in me

    Because I’m not affectionate enough

    He kept saying u don’t Really like me, u won’t even hug me. I didn’t want to lean into him.

    Oh well not my fault.

    He is probably attracted to my aloofness anyway I kept telling myself.

    (Transformer man kept saying he’s in love w me too. So there.)

    He also gave me compliments before like I’m wife material,

    Sooo we’ll see. We may be coming up on his ‘wall’

    Well see what happens.

    It seems lately guys fall for me quick and their ‘stuff’ comes out early.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:51pm

  575. 575: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – hey, check out the movie ‘Midnight in Paris’. It’s playing in theaters here. The heroine is amazing super awesome at her vibe, her eye contact, she was a huge inspiration for me

    Also liked how she showed up alone to parties, go me

    And her boundaries

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:55pm

  576. 576: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – yea! I feel thrilled!!! Thrilled thrilled thrilled about your pub lowdrinking. That awareness was huge! You are past the threshold now!! You will really be noticing ur feelings now and how drinking affects them

    Yes! You did it girl!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 4:57pm

  577. 577: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – more yes about the waterwheeling! Yes yes yes! Go girl yes!!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:00pm

  578. 578: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria

    :-) :-)

    xoxox

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:01pm

  579. 579: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wait I said ‘he called’ but the other part is ‘I did not pick up, I was on the other line and didn’t know if I wanted to pick up or not’

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:02pm

  580. 580: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe my next babystep can be to not allow Pubman back wih me at all…. except maybe to walk me home…

    I wonder hoe that might feel, hmmm, interesting.

    We’ll see.

    Maybe something I can’t even imagine will happen, maybe I’ll lose interest.

    Oh who knows and I love me.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:06pm

  581. 581: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    “It seems lately guys fall for me quick and their ‘stuff’ comes out early”.

    Yeah, I have been experiencing this too recently!

    Feels good when the stuff comes up early, to save from wasting precious time.

    Also I will check out that movie, although they are often released here much later than over there.

    xoxoxx

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:11pm

  582. 582: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I just got a message where I felt judged from an intriguing man. I answered w compassion and openly! Go me, I feel powerful

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:12pm

  583. 583: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    569:

    Yes, Lilybelle, that is interesting to notice. Have a great time on your CD tomorrow. Remember, keep your heart and self open, waterwheel and please don’t forget to show your fabulous self.

    Big Hugs!

    ~Lilybelly.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:16pm

  584. 584: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    492: Mel says:

    Rusty: Sent. :)

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Hot!

    He’s a fool. I hope for you that he stops acting like a fool and figured it out while on his camping trip.

    If he didn’t, don’t worry, you’ll get scooped up by somebody who appreciates you.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:18pm

  585. 585: MelNo Gravatar says:

    :)

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:20pm

  586. 586: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    585:

    When is he supposed to be home?

    584:

    Rusty~ you should see the hot women that are our Siren’s. Line up your profiler FBI buddies. ;-)

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:23pm

  587. 587: MelNo Gravatar says:

    He’s home. Big blowup. I’ll fill you in later ’cause it’s kinda perplexing, but for now I’m going to make myself a nice bubble-bath.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:29pm

  588. 588: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Sounds good, Mel.

    Thinking ’bout ya.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:31pm

  589. 589: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Just processing…

    So it is good to CD, and guys step up when they see other guys want us…

    But on the other hand sometimes if we are focused on one guy it can block another (maybe better) guy getting to us.

    I can think of some examples of when this has happened with Pubguy, when other guys have shown interest in me and he has kinda chased them off, and I have ended up wiith him.

    Maybe womething for me to watch bc some of those guys may have been quite good for me…

    Hmmmm.

    But then isn’t it true that if a guy really wants us he will find a way to get to us?

    Hmm, feeling a lil confused on this one.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:34pm

  590. 590: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel you are doing so well!

    Hugs honni!

    xoxoxox

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:37pm

  591. 591: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Quick story as I wait for my bath to fill up… and this is not about him because I don’t want to talk about him right now…

    So I’m passing by this carpenter’s shop on my way to pick up a pizza. I pop-in to see if they have a special kind of non-toxic paint for my beehives.

    The guy is SUPER flirty and spends 15 minutes talking to me about my bees. Then I ask him if he could make me a special cover for the hives out of wood. He says oh, yeah, for sure. I’ll even do it for free if you want to exchange for some honey.

    :) I still got it!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:45pm

  592. 592: MelNo Gravatar says:

    …AND I was wearing grubby clothes, no makeup and probably looked like I had been crying for two hours. So. There.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:46pm

  593. 593: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    540: thirtyseven says:

    we last spoke on thursday and he just kept saying “i havent done anything wrong” and “i just want to make up. just tell me what to do to get out of trouble”. what do i even do?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Yes he has done something wrong. But he doesn’t seem man enough to admit it. But then, this same mistake is made by women A LOT.

    See, think of it this way. Many times, a guy who has a girlfriend has this situation happen to him in reverse. Now the thing is, the guy may or may not be as touchy feely as this girl is to your boyfriend. That’s not the point. The point is that she knows she is pushing your buttons and either enjoys doing so or doesn’t care. I doubt she would think is no big deal if some other woman was doing this with her man.

    She may or may not want your man, but again that’s not the point. The point here is that she is pushing your buttons, she knows it, and your boyfriend, through his actions, is not showing you that your feelings matter more than hers. It is up to HIM…not you, to deal with the situation. It is up to him to let her know not to do this again. It isn’t up to him to make excuses for you when you aren’t around, it isn’t up to him t apologize for your actions or words. It is up to him to show that your feelings matter more than hers. That his relationship with you matters more than whatever relationship he has with her.

    So now, ask him to think about this. A guy who may or may not be better looking than him, richer, etc…knows you and has been friends with you in the past. he moves back into town and basically just claims to be an affectionate person…and your friend.

    But the way he acts around you sets your boyfriends teeth to grinding and he asks you to tell him to keep his hands to himself. You tell him it is nothing and that he is just a friend and doesn’t mean anything by it. So the guy keeps acting this way even though he knows it bothers your boyfriend. How would he feel if you keep allowing this other guy to come up and put his arm around you in a familiar way, etc.?

    See, many women are in just this position. A guy friend that they have had for years acts overly familiar in front of the boyfriend. The boyfriend is now in a bad position and he knows it, and the “friend” knows it. See, if he makes a big deal out of it, he comes across as jealous, controlling, insecure, etc… If he doesn’t do anything, the “friend” knows it is pure torture for him. The friend may even see him as a “punk” for not making sure the other wolves know the score.

    In truth, the girlfriend is in the wrong for not acting properly in this situation. When the “friend” tries to act too friendly, she can jokingly say, “Whoa hold on their sailor, I’m with _____.” And then move in to an intimate embrace with her man. This is the proper way to deal with these situations.

    It is not up to her to apologize for her boyfriend, or say that he just doesn’t know how long they have been friends etc… It is up to her to set the proper stage. To make everyone understand that her BF is number one in her life right now.

    This is what your BF should be doing. When this girl comes up and tries to snuggle up to him, he needs to make it clear to her that he is with you and that it is inappropriate to act this way. His physical affection is reserved for you and you alone. If he can’t do this, he is either not man enough to do so, or he likes to keep his options open, not burn any bridges, etc… Maybe there is more to that relationship than he admits. Maybe they are friends with benefits when both are without partners. Who knows.

    I have been in your situation many times. Dating a pretty hot girl and new to the circle of friends. Inevitably there are ex-BFs or “friends” who you know don’t want to be just friends. Sometimes the girls even admit that the guy wants more but they will put it back on me and say that I should trust her because she doesn’t want more and that is all that matters.

    Well, no that isn’t all that matters. My feelings matter. I am not going to stay in a relationship when her guy “friend” hugs her in
    that way” and shoots me a “Sh_t eating grin” as if to say, “I can have her anytime I want and there is nothing you can do about it.” It doesn’t matter if it is true. It doesn’t matter if she “knows that they will never ever” end up in a relationship. What matters is when you make it clear that you have some discomfort with the situation, she should simply want to know how you would like it to be handled. At a minimum, she needs to let the guy know that touchy feely is not OK, because she is taken. If the guy has challenged your man in the way I have experienced, she needs to do so in front of you. And NOT go behind your back to “apologize or explain” There is no explanation needed except for the one in front of her boyfriend. The explanation is, “I’m taken” Enough said.

    This is why your boyfriend is wrong. It isn’t about him, or her. It is about you and your feelings…the feelings that the other girl likely knows she is creating and she is likely enjoying this fact. Even if she isn’t, that isn’t the point. It wouldn’t be the point if another guy was acting inappropriately with you. he should not expect you to ask him to just deal with it. He would have a right to expect you to deal with the other guy. It can be done politically such that he doesn’t make an enemy. All he needs to do is the next time this girl does this, he should untangle himself from her, or in fact, never let himself become entangled. Hold her off as she moves in. And tell her that it is inappropriate and disrespectful to his girlfriend. Then he should snuggle into you as he puts his arm around you. This sends the right message.

    Sorry this was long but I have been in your shoes so it triggered me. Nothing more frustrating than a mate who won’t do what is needed in this situation. It IS inappropriate for a woman to act inappropriate that way in front of you and he is wrong to allow it to continue.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:54pm

  594. 594: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    591: Mel says:

    He says oh, yeah, for sure. I’ll even do it for free if you want to exchange for some honey.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Does he want bee honey or your honey? ;-)

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:57pm

  595. 595: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    586: Lilybelle says:

    584:

    Rusty~ you should see the hot women that are our Siren’s. Line up your profiler FBI buddies. ;-)

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    LOL I think it is getting hot in here. :-)

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 5:58pm

  596. 596: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    587: Mel says:

    He’s home. Big blowup. I’ll fill you in later ’cause it’s kinda perplexing, but for now I’m going to make myself a nice bubble-bath.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Well don’t keep us in suspense. Fill us in on what the big blowup was about.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:01pm

  597. 597: MelNo Gravatar says:

    “Does he want bee honey or your honey?”

    LOL

    I don’t know…. I guess guys must think I’m a sexy beekeeper. hehehe

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:40pm

  598. 598: MelNo Gravatar says:

    “Well don’t keep us in suspense. Fill us in on what the big blowup was about.”

    You’ll have to come back tomorrow for the story. I just don’t have the energy to type it up tonight. ;)

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:41pm

  599. 599: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty, I don’t want to read into this too much….but would like your view from a guy’s perspective,

    what do you think it means when in a phone convo with me, a CD mentions his femal boss A LOT, that they get along great and she’s so cool, etc…, but then he mentions that she has a boyfriend.

    He also talks about other women he’s met online, and horror stories of them showing up drunk, etc.

    I feel turned off hearing about other women during our first dialogues.

    I have only talked to him on the phone twice, not met in person, but were maybe going to meet this weekend. Now I feel uninterested and don’t want to meet him, but he’s calling. I feel at a loss for words what to say tho him. What do you think?

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:52pm

  600. 600: thirtysevenNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty, thanks for the comments and for understanding the situation. Thing is, you & I & my two best girlfriends all are in perfect agreement. That doesn’t mean I have been abke to effectively get HIM to also see it my way.

    In fact, when I suggest that the situation was reversed, he says he wouldn’t care bc he trusts me and doesn’t give a $hit what any other guy does or who I spend my time with. He knows how I feel about him. If he truly felt disrespected he said he’d punch the guy in the face and be done with it. He just said he would handle it differently, and would never put me in the situation that I am putting him in. Hmmmm.

    The problem is so layered though, because if I only had to run into her once a quarter I could figure out a way to just cope. But its more the level of his closeness with her & the fact that she is in his circle of friends….. and *obviously* noone else has a problem with the way she behaves. It’s just me. Now I feel terrible all over again tonight just thinking of the sheer futility of it all.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:53pm

  601. 601: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    406 Thanks SLV! I haven’t heard/seen those fantasia songs in ages. Pretty cool!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:57pm

  602. 602: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the birthday wishes yesterday everyone. I had a great day. I actually feel better about the big 40 today. Little bit.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 6:59pm

  603. 603: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Umm…I’m getting better at listening to my instincts. When I get a blah feeling from talking to a guy I met online, in the past I’ve still met up with him for at least a first date “to give it a chance”….but I’ve been right every time. No chemistry and no connection (for me)….so… now I’m more like..naaaah…I’d rather CD myself!!!!!!!!

    A potential CD I met online just called and left me a message to make plans to meet, and to be honest he just sounded so BORED when leaving the message. ….I FEEL so TURNED OFF. blech.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:04pm

  604. 604: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Do I tell him that when I call back to tell him I don’t want to meet up? I want to be authentic, but not sure how to handle this.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:08pm

  605. 605: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    604 I mean do I tell him that he sounds BORED!?

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:15pm

  606. 606: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    591 Mel
    Great story, thanks for sharing. Awesome ;-)

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:23pm

  607. 607: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    599: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty, I don’t want to read into this too much….but would like your view from a guy’s perspective,

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Could be a number of things.

    Maybe he thinks he has to show you he is a lady’s man. That he does have women interested in him.

    However, it seems more like he is trying to show you that he has nobody in his life at the moment.

    And even more likely, he is just running off at the mouth about these things. Maybe for no reason. Not all men have a purpose for saying every thing they say. Sometimes it might just be that something you say sparks something in his mind and he runs with it. Or maybe he had been thinking about work, and then he went off tangent.

    The main thing is that for only two phone conversations this isn’t really a big deal. Now if he continues to do this, it might even mean that he just doesn’t know what to talk about.

    The best way to handle this, the next time he starts talking about other women, simply say, in a playful light tone, “I don’t want to hear about other women, I want to hear about you.”

    But prepared to carry the conversation for a little while though because this might throw him for a bit of a loop, and even make him feel more pressure. In other words, he may very well feel like a conversational klutz. Saying that may make him feel like he committed a foul so it is very important not to say it in a harsh tone.

    Just be prepared to carry the conversation so develop some questions you can ask him, especially some that you can use as a segue into talking about yourself for awhile. Then make sure you let him know you really enjoyed the conversation.

    Some men have to warm up to being able to just converse with you.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:23pm

  608. 608: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Rusty. I like the response you suggested. I feel that I could say that without sounding harsh!

    “Maybe he thinks he has to show you he is a lady’s man. That he does have women interested in him.”

    I feel annoyed when guys do this and I feel curious why they think it’s attractive….. I think it’s cuter if a guy is NOT a ladies man…akwardness is ok, and I can overlook it if there is a connection.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:30pm

  609. 609: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    i posted a vid from a band A turned me on to. the song title is called ‘treat me right.’ he clicked LIKE

    …then called me twice. then texted, asking if i was ok and if i’m mad at him, and that he’s going through some tough times right now.

    ha! i love when men go through these tough times, but you’re not good enough for them to share their grief with you. except when it’s their ex-fiancee (who knew you could be vegan and fat? :snark:) banging his friends. i was and still on his side with this. they are horrid people.

    but gotta love how no matter what adam’s going thru, he can just leave me alone with no contact for days because who cares about MY feelings? spare min; i’m just some emotionally needy, selfish whor3.

    i thought about TINQUE and how she says don’t share the process or the NVs with the man.

    Me: “I feel like i’m having a hard time right now. i’m not mad at you. just myself. i cant talk right now. will you please email some nice things about myself?”

    A: “yes. of course”

    A: “what’s wrong. i’m concerned. ru sure u cant talk?”

    Me: “I feel appreciative that you’re asking. it’s helping me calm down. i’ll call you when i’ve processed my thought/feelings.”

    A: “ok. i’ll email you tonight. there is some heavy family stuff i have to deal with at the cemetery and i’m seeing my md tmrw.”

    nice to know this is the first time i’ve heard about any of this family/cemetary stuff.

    i feel unimportant to have stuff shared with.

    i’m on siren island to understand men and myself.

    can’t figure out either.

    and any feedback on how i handled this?

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:36pm

  610. 610: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    600: thirtyseven says:

    Rusty, thanks for the comments and for understanding the situation. Thing is, you & I & my two best girlfriends all are in perfect agreement. That doesn’t mean I have been abke to effectively get HIM to also see it my way.

    In fact, when I suggest that the situation was reversed, he says he wouldn’t care bc he trusts me and doesn’t give a $hit what any other guy does or who I spend my time with. He knows how I feel about him. If he truly felt disrespected he said he’d punch the guy in the face and be done with it. He just said he would handle it differently, and would never put me in the situation that I am putting him in. Hmmmm.

    The problem is so layered though, because if I only had to run into her once a quarter I could figure out a way to just cope. But its more the level of his closeness with her & the fact that she is in his circle of friends….. and *obviously* noone else has a problem with the way she behaves. It’s just me. Now I feel terrible all over again tonight just thinking of the sheer futility of it all.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I still think he is wrong. or maybe you and he just have very different values and comfort levels about certain things.

    Try this. Let him know that the next time she does this, you are just going to punch her in the face. Hey, that’s how he said he would handle it.

    Maybe first just try saying, “Look, I have no problem with you being his friend, but where I came form, there is a way to act and a way not to act. And this includes how you act with somebody’s boyfriend or husband. For instance, putting your hands on him. So I would appreciate it if you weren’t so touchy feely with my boyfriend. It’s disrespectful.

    If she doesn’t honor your wishes, then punch her in the face. LOL

    The simple fact is that some people just have different feelings about things. It should be noted that physical touching has a hierarchy and that hierarchy has 3 overlapping sections. A full body embrace is listed as the top run of friendship but the fourth rung up of the sex section. The three sections are acquaintance, friendship and sex. Or something like that.

    I personally think it is disrespectful for a woman to constantly come to your man and get touchy feely with him. She should not be sitting on his lap. Holding his arm in the way that is usually reserved for girlfriends and wives, full body hugs, kissing, holding hands, etc…

    It appears that you will either have to just bite the bullet and allow him to allow this behavior…he clearly likes it or he would make her stop. Or, you can walk…since he cares more about not upsetting this “friendship” than he is in upsetting you. Again, that’s the point. In matters like this, you do need to modify the behavior if your mate asks you. Period. Of course, you have to be willing to do the same if he asks you to stay away from some guy.

    Just playing it off as if he is just confident enough, trusting enough, etc… is a copout. He is not the one that is having a problem with another guy, because you aren’t allowing anyone to act this way.

    And he stated himself that he would just punch the guy in the face. Well, the fact is, this should only have to happen if he can’t ask you to modify the behavior. He shouldn’t have to punch anyone in the face. But he admits that he would if a guy was bothering him in that way, which means that he could be bothered in that way. What he fails to realize is that it might not be an option for a woman.

    Also, I got the feeling that this happens when he takes you to his stomping grounds. When he takes you to where HIS friends hang out.

    A real man would make sure that everyone knew this was his woman and do what he needs to do to make her feel like she fits in. Not like she is an outsider. And I know from experience that I felt like the “intruder/outsider” when these guys would come up and hug on her like I didn’t matter.

    I have felt much better when the girl would snuggle in closer to me when “friends” approached. Nothing felt better than when a guy would say something like, “What, don’t I get a hug?” and she would say, “Sorry, Rusty gets all of my hugs now.” It sends a very clear signal as to where things stand.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:41pm

  611. 611: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    he just wrote me a list that made me melt. i feel impressed with the way he has stepped up right now.

    i feel i’ve experienced a break-thru in holding in my nv’s.

    or either that i’m still a sucker and this will always be a rollercoaster.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:45pm

  612. 612: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    608: Emerson says:

    “Maybe he thinks he has to show you he is a lady’s man. That he does have women interested in him.”

    I feel annoyed when guys do this and I feel curious why they think it’s attractive….. I think it’s cuter if a guy is NOT a ladies man…akwardness is ok, and I can overlook it if there is a connection.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Because there is some truth to the fact that we men become more attractive when we are with a woman than when we are single.

    Many men have experienced a drought where women don’t seem to want anything to do with you but as soon as you do get in a relationship, more women suddenly start flirting with you, or hinting that they might be available, etc…

    Women have even been quoted as saying that when a man is single, the impression is that something is wrong with him. Why is he single if he has anything going on.

    I have to admit though that this doesn’t sound like what he was doing. I’ve had women do the same thing. Telling you about all of the horror stories. I’ve always put it down to them just pleading with you not to be a freak like the last 50 guys she went on a date with. LOL.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:46pm

  613. 613: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    612 Thanks Rusty…makes sense.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 7:52pm

  614. 614: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn: Your conversation felt good from my perspective. I think you did great!

    Do you feel okay about not expressing your nv’s? Does it feel different than stuffing. More like a conscious decision rather than a shutting down?

    Life will probably always be a bit of a rollercoaster as Rori said in this post. Maybe it will just be a funner ride.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 8:37pm

  615. 615: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn: I feel so curious to hear what he said that made you melt!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 8:40pm

  616. 616: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I wish I had a pocket Rori consultant.

    I wonder if I was being a cactus somewhat last night.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 9:00pm

  617. 617: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel ready to meet any CDs this weekend. I think I’m still processing my birthday.

    Also, I have some goals regarding my spending habits and my eating habits. Lately, both are a little out of control. Small bank account and big body=not what I want. Big bank account and small(er) body=what I DO want.

    When I’m out of sync with those, I don’t feel good about myself.

    I KNOW I used both spending and eating to feel less lonely. For me, I feel these are BAD habits.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 9:02pm

  618. 618: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    616 LOL Daria…pocket rori assistant sounds like a cute idea. I need one too!! ;-)

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 9:03pm

  619. 619: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    614 Kaitlyn
    To me it sounds like you stated your boundary that it was not a good time to talk. That’s a great thing in itself because you recognized it!! I need to remember to practice this too!

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 9:05pm

  620. 620: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Where is Boomer????

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 9:47pm

  621. 621: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you EVERYONE for your prayers….Steve suffered a heart attack as they put the new liver in. However, they are doing everything they know to stabilize him. The next 48 hours are critical…PLEASE PLEASE keep the prayers coming, good energy. You are all so special to me!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 12:11am

  622. 622: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg i feel excited… i heard from the guy i wrote to….. he called me… says im beautiful and misses me and all this wonderful stuff…

    and…

    HE NEVER GOT MY LETTER YET!!!

    wiow!! coincidence or what!

    i felt surprised when he started calling me again

    it was 2 weeks after the letter
    incredible!

    omg

    that letter was soooooo OPEN

    i feel amused thinking of him reading it!

    wow

    he wil be blown away i bet

    :)

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 12:57am

  623. 623: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jeannette – good energy for you right here

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 12:58am

  624. 624: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Jeanette, :sending positive thoughts and hugs to you and Steve.:

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 1:05am

  625. 625: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    I went to a party and Adam was texting me all night asking what was wrong and if I got his ‘great things about kaitlyn email’ I asked him to send me.

    I haven’t responded to his email yet because I feel so melty and touched from it, I’m speechless.

    But part of what renders me speechless is because I still feel bothered that he alluded to me only being a good listener and supportive only to reel him in as a boyfriend. I still feel offended by that.

    And I also still feel hurt that he said he doesn’t want to be anyone’s boyfriend right now.

    Do I bring these things up?

    Is that part of the honesty, boundaries, etc Rori teaches?

    This seems to conflict with Adam’s resistance to any kind of criticism.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 1:10am

  626. 626: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn – well in ur situation, it would seem you could

    A. Say, wow I feel really dissapointed when I heard u didn’t want to be my boyfriend. I feel like I’m in love with you and I don’t want to be dishonest. What do u think?

    Or

    B. Don’t say anything, and continue to ‘date’ ie communicate with him until u have the strength and clarity to say something like A.

    Either way make sure you’re dating lots of nerds that are into you, and practicing opening up w them so u can recreate that w him.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:13am

  627. 627: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    lol at lots of nerds.

    but yeah, i get your message, daria. xoxo

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:23am

  628. 628: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been dating and I have Not been feeling lonely.

    Yesterday laughing from the heart with handsomedude and his friends really made me feel good, even though at the same time I felt tight from having stuffed,

    wow for feeling many things at once.

    Today i had second date w country dude, he is so masculine as far as touching and body language. He is Not intimidated to kiss me!

    Saw condoms on his desk and pof chat open w multiple ppl, I felt a bit judgemental and closed off.

    Handsomedude the other day also really stepped it up in the
    kissing dept! Yay for men not afraid to kiss me!

    Also handsome dude had pics of naked girls on his phone screensaver … I felt insecure bec they looked real and looked really good… And I felt put off some… This before he launched the ‘makeDariaunconfortable’ campaign.

    I have a date w a new guy tomorrow at lunch, then spending time w my godbrother for his birthday.
    I feel awkward and just want to tell him I just want to be ur sister.

    I like his cousin LetterMan not that it matters too much.

    I feel kinda weird not hearing from Transformer man after the night he came to see me. I feel dissapointed we fell back into ‘make Daria unconfirtable ‘ patterns at the end of the day.

    Also haven’t heard back from Sexy cd after his wonderful message to me, even though I called him back.

    I am getting much better at… Saying goodbye, not needing to ‘reassure them’ I like them by saying the last thing or even saying ok when they say they’ll call, just letting them flounder on their own. I don’t need to ‘make it happen’ if they don’t call or I forgot to return their call oh well. In a good warm way. They can do it!

    Even letterman is proof, I don’t need to reach out to him for him to call me, he did it on his own without even getting my letter.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:27am

  629. 629: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Love ya kaitlyn

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:29am

  630. 630: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder how I don’t feel lonely or sexually deprived… Hmm.

    Yay me! I’m doing it!

    Even recreating friendships w women woohoo. Just realized that will be an awesome way to meet more men too… And I have a friend who works at a gym… She invited me to visit said there’s So many men.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:31am

  631. 631: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘well… The truth is… It felt wonderful to connect and laugh with you and your friends… And there were times that night when I felt scared humiliated and angry… And I don’t want to feel that way on a date. I feel unsure wheter I should give u another chance… I don’t want to date a man where I don’t feel 100 % honored . What do u think? ‘

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:41am

  632. 632: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    daria, guys at the gym aren’t my type, but i’m a gym rat and i know, for you, you’ll have a manfest. one thing, though…gyms aren’t really meet-markety like everyone assumes. and most men are afraid of pursuing women there because they think the women there are solely there to workout and not have some guy hitting on them.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:41am

  633. 633: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    but do go to the gym and workout regardless. it is so siren-esque.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:42am

  634. 634: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    564: Lilybelle says:

    555:

    Beautiful LG~

    Is it raining there?

    How can I help?

    ~Lilybelly.

    Saturday, 18 June 2011 @ 3:50pm

    Thanks for asking love. I was feeling melancholy but it might have just been tiredness. I just woke up from a really long nap 8 pm – 2:30 am and I feel much better. Groggy but better.

    I was trying to push myself to do something when what I really needed was some sleepy sleep.

    I feel so luxurious when I let myself take long naps. Yummy.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:55am

  635. 635: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks kaotlyn for the heads up . I know what you mean about gyms not so much for hitting on women…

    I think the 5 second smile and imaging bring the target will be enough to change my energy so I Do get hit on

    Still practicing to be able to do 5 second look with everyone

    I am really good at getting looked at now, so just being around lots of men will feel so exciting

    ******

    Did lots of stuff ‘right’ w Handsome man the other day.

    I am letting it morph miraculously to amazing healing.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 3:02am

  636. 636: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria re 616,

    Loool!

    Ha ha, I love that! A pocket Rori cosultant…

    Hmmm, what would it be, like a mini Rori that you could carry around.

    Or a device like a language translator whereby you type in what you are thinking of saying to a man and it comes up with a list of alternative FMs?

    Lol.

    xoxoxox

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:06am

  637. 637: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I still find the 5 second look challenging. Think I can sometimes manage 3/4 secs…

    I do notice that if I look away quickly the man tends to lose interrest, and if I hold eye contact it fires up the interest…

    xoxox

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:09am

  638. 638: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    @ Emerson

    “Small bank account and big body=not what I want. Big bank account and small(er) body=what I DO want.”

    Lol, I know what you mean!

    xoxox

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:10am

  639. 639: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I found myself thinking about the other woman in Pubman’s life right now.

    And I felt sad about it and about just how hopeless this siuation feels.

    And I look at other men who have been like this with me in the past and how eventually my feelings for them have fizzled and I have come to realise I don’t want them.

    Interesting…

    There is one guy, who I have known for years. He is a big DJ and lives the life that goes along with that. He has taken me out with him a few times and I always have loads of fun… it feels good.

    Unreliable is his middle name!

    Periodically he shows up and says he wants a relationship with me.

    In the old days I took it seriously and got kinda hurt/angry (well only the first time it happened really).

    But I learnt real quick with him and somehow didn’t get hooked up on him (maybe cus I had such a fun life at the time, and I got his number kinda quick).

    The result is that we are still friends years later. And he still pursues me.

    And sometimes he lets me down, and I express how I feel, but I don’t take it personally.

    Because it has nothing to do with me!

    And I take what he says with a pinch of salt.

    So a weird kinda relationship dynamic but I have a soft spot in my heart for him, and the whole thing feels good to me. Just how it is.

    It is what it is…

    And I have no dillusions or imaginings to make it into anything else.

    This feels healthy.

    I feel like this kind of thing can occur when we use Rori tools, stay open to men AND stay true to ourselves.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:35am

  640. 640: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    So new CD wanted to take me out on Sat… and I couldn’t go in the end.

    Not sure much about him except he treats me very nicely, comes from Gambia and smokes weed.

    He works, doesn’t drive and is nice.

    Not too sure about the not having a car thing… but he does walk to come and pick me up…

    He told me recently that he wants to have babies…

    Hmmm, lol.

    Think he meant in general, rather than with me specifically…

    This is what I mean about guy showing me their stuff early.

    Hopefully I will go out wih him a few times and see how it feels.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:41am

  641. 641: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Might join POF

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:46am

  642. 642: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Just put a profile on POF,

    Weeee this feels fun!

    :-)

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:27am

  643. 643: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    621:

    Jeanette, You and Steve will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

    ~Lilybelle.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:42am

  644. 644: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Lillybelle!

    xoxox

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:57am

  645. 645: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Father’s Day.

    Luther Vandross “Dance with my father again”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgLHVi40Gc8

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:05am

  646. 646: AnnabelleNo Gravatar says:

    Again, trying this leaning back thing. Instigating has never worked for me before, but this leaning back thing doesn’t feel right either. What if it is not the right thing for this guy? Maybe it’s just that I am not okay with a guy disappearing. That feels wrong. And it feels wrong to not try and find out what is going on in his head or in his heart. What is the right thing to do? I am listening to advice, which is why I am leaning back. But now how do I get to the next step — accepting that he is not rowing?? Or is that the next step? Feeling confused and irritated!!!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:03am

  647. 647: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Chatting to guys on POF,

    Woohoo.

    Meeting my friend for meal later.

    This kinda lazy Sunday feels good.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:07am

  648. 648: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn – You handled this brilliantly. You shared yourself without drama, cleanly, perfectly. YAY you…

    xxoo

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:24am

  649. 649: LorraineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi

    I am rather confused, I have been seeing a man for 18 months, we have both been
    very upfront and explained neither of us want a commitment, as in we do our own
    thing Friday and saturday and we not want to live with anyone. We had booked a
    holiday to amsterdam and for 7 weeks before we were to go away, he
    stopped texting and emailing me and I did not see him, although if I contacted
    him he would respond. For the first two weeks he was having his bathroom
    redesigned, so was staying with friends, his mothers partner was dying of cancer
    and for the following 5 weeks they were at the hospice day and night. I had not been too well and i asked him to meet me, he knew something
    was wrong and we met for lunch, it was fine, not awkward, although I did not discuss my concerns. Things came to a head 2 weeks later I said I no longer
    wanted to see him and the holiday was off and immediately profusely apologised, saying he
    felt things had become routine and for him it seemed a commitment due to us seeing each other every week, and he said he should
    have communicated with me rather than withdraw. He said he was selfish and that I should tell him next time he behaves like that. The following week he came to
    my house and spent 2 hours fixing stuff for me, I did not ask him to do this,
    two days later he bought me a present. We went on holiday and had a great time.

    I am confused by his behaviour, I never pressure him & don’t contact him everyday, ( i have a busy work life and friends)
    Why the bending over backwards to do nice things for me? Do I confuse him, as I
    am happy seeing him once a week, I have said I don’t want a full blown
    relationship?, I want trust, friendship, closeness, without the intensity or
    living in each others pockets, I have told him all this.

    Can anyone shed some light on his behaviour for me?
    Lolly

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:18am

  650. 650: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad that I am not very good at taking pics of myself, so the only ones I have are ones friends have taken of me on nights out.

    I feel worried that not having any outside/normal everyday type of pics will put people off on internet dating.

    Or attract the wrong type of guys ie: they may think I am a party girl only with no depth… Not true!

    :-(

    I must figure out how to use my camera and get over my photo phobia.

    I want to attract guys who like travelling and outdoors type of activities… as well as pubs.

    Cus I like both, but that doesn’t really come across in my photos.

    Oh well hopefully it comes across in my written profile.

    I feel a lil insecure about this.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:24am

  651. 651: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, do you have any girl friends? If so, have one of them go to a park, the beach, and a variety of other places over the next few weeks. Have them take pictures of you in a variety of situations. Just sitting at a sidewalk cafe, walking on the beach, playing with a friend’s child at a park, etc…

    Seems to be a simple fix.

    You can also have guys you go on a date with do this. Meet one at a sidewalk cafe. Ask him if he would mind taking a picture of you. It’s really no big deal and most guys won’t see it as a big deal. You don’t have to tell them what you are going to do with them. If they ask why, just say that you were going through your pictures and realized that you don’t have very many recent photos of yourself.

    This might be even easier if you are on a date with a guy and you realize that you aren’t interested in long term with him. This way you don’t have to care what he thinks about a pic he takes of you being used on online profiles. The truth is, most guys won’t care anyway. It’s your picture of you.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:54am

  652. 652: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling very good today, happy and thankful for a lot of things in my life.

    I’m also excited about the upcoming weeks this summer. Perhaps I’ll be posting about those later.

    All sorts of syncronistic things are happening right now. There seems to have been a big turn of events when I had a meeting a few days ago on a financial matter.

    I was asked if I wanted to make an arrangement for smaller payments. Ha! My reply was I didn’t want to pay anything. So I started working on that and running numbers. Another meeting next day…and now they are paying me back! instead of the other way around.
    :shock:

    I’M TINGLY! And my spirit’s glowing. Ha ha ha :lol:

    The weather’s great, picnic this afternoon. I’ll see if I can catch up on Rori blog comments before then.

    What are you happy and thankful for today?

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 9:05am

  653. 653: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    644:

    Hi Ella! :-)

    And about the photographs. Big UGH for me too.

    I am seriously not very photographic at all. Over the years, I have become increasingly camera-phobic and will turn around, run and hide and well, do just about anything to not be photographed. So, I self-photograph. It takes a ton of them to get one that looks like ME and every week or two, I do a whole bunch more and change them. Dudes seem to dig them.

    But really gets them commenting, is my profile and the way I have it written. Many, many comments about that. :-)

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 9:12am

  654. 654: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    634:

    NOTHING better than a nice, long, indulgent nap.

    I usually take mine in the afternoon, though.

    Love. xoxo

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 9:15am

  655. 655: BeverleyNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Rori

    Do you ever come to the UK – or do you have representation in the UK?

    I am holding a WellBeing Fair in September in Jersey, Channel Islands and this would be a great place for you to visit and to promote your services.

    If you are interested, I would be happy to send you the details.

    Many thanks, love and light, Beverley

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 9:24am

  656. 656: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thankful for the weather today.
    I feel thankful that I can catch up on sleep when I need to.
    I feel thankful for magic and synchronicity.
    I feel thankful for friends on the blog.
    I feel thankful for my sweet love relationship.
    I feel thankful for my comfortable home.
    I feel thankful for being me.
    I feel thankful for a peaceful Sunday.
    I feel thankful for my fun band.
    I feel thankful for my supportive family.

    Thanks for asking SLV. That was fun.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 9:28am

  657. 657: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    654: Ya, the timing on that was kinda odd. I woke up from my “nap” at 2:30 and then pretty much went right back to “bed”.

    And then I slept in today until 9.

    I feel very well rested. :-)

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 9:30am

  658. 658: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @650: Ella says:
    “… but that doesn’t really come across in my photos.
    Oh well hopefully it comes across in my written profile. ..”

    Your photo selection gives a guy a clue what it would be like for him to be in your life. Your photos tell a little story about you. Guys are visual. Don’t leave your photos to chance.

    Many guys only look at photos. If you aren’t getting what you want and you are very pretty you might also experiment with the alternate “no photo” brilliant profile method.

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 10:51am

  659. 659: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @656: Laughing Goddess

    Happy vibes from you, LG.

    xoxo
    SLV

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 10:55am

  660. 660: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @608: Emerson says:
    “…I feel annoyed when guys do this and I feel curious why they think it’s attractive…”

    Interesting. From what I’ve read it might be a contemporary behaviour based on evolutionary biology. I haven’t done any in depth research so who knows? But it’s based on sperm competition. The physical desire that a man gets his sperm into the competition.

    A man can be physically aroused by seeing a woman with another man. It doesn’t mean he wants her for a long term relationship but it’s arousing and an attractor for him. Men also, often, believe women are “attracted” and aroused by the same things they are. We usually aren’t at least not in the same way. I see this over and over. I’ve seen some over the top examples of this: men showing their genitals and also themselves in sexual acts with other women…
    :shock:

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 11:01am

  661. 661: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV I know what you mean and atm it just feels like pressure cus I only have those pics of me and don’t have the means to sort it out.

    So will just see what happens and work on the photos in time…

    I don’t want to feel overwhelmed and my businesses take priority atm,

    Dating comes 2nd.

    :-)

    xoxoxo

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 11:03am

  662. 662: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @661: Ella says:
    “…So will just see what happens and work on the photos in time… ”

    I liked Rusty’s and Lilybelle’s suggestions. How about a couple outdoor pics and also a pic of you showing hobbies, tennis, bicycling, blading, rock climbing etc then maybe add something unusual…?

    An online dating story: I saw profile of guy who obviously had been told to put up several pics. He did. About six or seven but they were a series of head and shoulders shots all taken in his office on the same day, same clothes, same messy background… sitting in same position in same chair… LOL :lol:

    I learned a lesson from seeing that…

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 1:24pm

  663. 663: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Back home, scratched picnic. More fun here… :lol:

    I need some more older adult situations. Hmmm,

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 1:27pm

  664. 664: R in NCNo Gravatar says:

    Ok sirens…I am in need of some serious advice!! What do I do when I find out all my intuitions were right? When I discover that my boyfriend is dating somebody else via a picture on one of his friends profile on FB????

    Background:
    1st of all I would like to say that I really love this blog and all of Rori’s articles and ebooks and programs have helped me. Just need to know what to do next.
    So I have been dating a guy for a little over 6 months. Things were great..he waited almost 2 months for sex, he was everything I wanted. Good looking, witty, good job, great father to his children, etc. Well shortly after we had sex, things started to change. He became distant, withdrawn and things seemed weird. I leaned back and he did come to me. Except most of our encounters were in the bedroom. He had his kids 1 week, then 1 week off. So when he had the kids, we didn’t see each other (we had not introduced each other to our kids yet) but then it seemed every time he didn’t have them, he had to go out of town to work. He was busy busy busy. So I pulled back a little, leaned back a lot and just waited patiently. I did make a remark however once that I felt like a dirty little secret, the other woman and like he had somebody out of town. He laughed it off and I tried to believe him. Something still stuck in the back of my head. So on his facebook page, he had everything shut down, couldn’t see his wall, leave comments or anything and he didn’t do much on there so I didn’t go to it much. One day my home feed showed he changed his profile picture. I went to see it and clicked ‘like’ but no comment (comments were still enabled on pics just not the wall). Well next time I logged in, I had a notification that somebody else commented on that pic. I see a girl put “MUAH..I love love love this picture, but of course you already know that”. Well, MUAH is what he would always end texts and calls with so it struck me. So I asked about it. He told me not to overreact, she was his cousin’s ex wife and lives in FL. I said, that doesn’t seem like a comment and ex wife of a family member would make. He insisted and I said ok i will drop it. Well, right after that school ended here and he was getting his kids for 3 weeks straight. I went and spent the night with him the night before he got them. We had sex a few times! He told me he was taking them to the beach for a week and then home, then after the 2 weeks we would spend lots of time together. Well, I did not hear from him the whole time he was at the beach. I waited 7 days and text him asking if everything was ok. I know mistake…but it was killing me. He said his phone broke down there and he just got a new one. Ok..sounds reasonable enough, but put a few more doubts in my mind. Still hearing from him this last week. He text/called etc. Last night he text me to say he was thinking about me wishing I was there. Well this morning, I get on his fb and go the girl that had left the pic comment showed up on his friends that show up on the front page…with a picture of him and her holding hands on the beach!!! I was floored, all Rori’s teaching and rules went out the window. I text him 4 times blasting him, copied the picture, put in an email and sent to him and blasted some more. He never responded to texts but sent me an email saying he told the truth about her except she has had a “thing” for him that he shirked off and she pulls crap like this from time to time, that was an old picture, everybody was in it and holding hands and she cropped it. The picture was not cropped, his hand was by one side not holding anybody else’s and so was hers. So of course I emailed him back telling him that and texted him telling him not to try to make me look like a fool by telling me there was nothing to it. He looked happy and everybody deserves to be happy, just wish it could have been me to make him happy but you win some and lose some. That I didn’t regret the time we spent together and would cherish the good memories and I hoped he found the happiness he was looking for. He responds I hope the best for you too.

    I am just so heartbroken. Disappointed, hurt and don’t know what to do. I am shaking literally shaking and don’t know how to get over this. It is not the first time this has happened to me. Just feel like giving up on guys forever!! Please help, any advice is welcome.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 1:55pm

  665. 665: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    R in NC,
    I feel sad reading your story. It’s so heartbreaking! One positive I can point out is that you do have good instincts.

    It’s so hard when we have that gut feeling, but we don’t want to believe it.

    I went through something similar with my ex. He was cheating on me and I caught him getting out of another girl’s car in his work parking lot. Of course, he had a way to explain it, but I just KNEW. As I approached the car after he got out, the girl got scared and drove off. Kinda funny but not really. I wanted to smash her window in, to be honest.

    Well I survived that nightmare. And I’ve got a better idea of what a cheater looks like now. I assure you, all men are not like that.

    Any advice I can give you at this point feels trite.

    Rori’s circular dating tools seem to help me through some tough days.

    Hugs and warm thoughts sent your way….

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:22pm

  666. 666: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    664: R in NC says:

    I am just so heartbroken. Disappointed, hurt and don’t know what to do. I am shaking literally shaking and don’t know how to get over this. It is not the first time this has happened to me. Just feel like giving up on guys forever!! Please help, any advice is welcome.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Instead of giving up on guys, why not taking a look at what you have deciding is important in a guy, and maybe look for something different. In other words, are you focusing on chemistry and looks, or are you focusing on just things like stability, kindness, honesty, etc…

    There are a lot of great guys out there that many women overlook because they use little things to disqualify them. He’s too short, he’s too skinny, he’s bald, he’s too poor, he’s too shy, he’s too into his work, he doesn’t dress in the latest styles, his teeth aren’t perfect, etc…

    I’m not saying that you have to literally pursue a guy that totally turns you off, but maybe re-evaluate what you are prioritizing. Give a guy a chance who might not be the type you preferred, a guy you have previously overlooked.

    You might find a guy who’s a diamond in the rough.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:38pm

  667. 667: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay I just did my t tapp workout!

    Sexycd talked me into going to a hotel room w him, for later…

    I told him I’m not ready for sex

    He super insisted on hotel room so I’m like ok fine, I dont like them but letting him lead. He can handle this

    I’m actually starting to feel excited about seeing him tonite

    Gona take an apple cider vinegar bath now

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:41pm

  668. 668: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @664: R in NC says:
    “…I am just so heartbroken. Disappointed, hurt and don’t know what to do. I am shaking literally shaking and don’t know how to get over this. It is not the first time this has happened to me. Just feel like giving up on guys forever!! Please help, any advice is welcome….”

    I am sending you hugs. This kind of situation is so, so, so, disappointing and hurtful. More hugs. The thing to do is to feel everything and take care of yourself. Get right down on the floor and cry if you want to.

    I’ve found reading the Rori blog is helpful as well as messages from others. If you find some wise words that call out to you write them down on a notepad and look at them frequently. They will cheer you, build your resolve and let you know that you are not alone.

    You will recover. You already know that you can love. Now you just have to connect the two; recovery and loving, then add a willingness to continue on to have the relationship you want.

    Turn your full attention to yourself. Hang out on siren island for a while. Do what makes you feel good. I like to take long walks especially in natural surroundings. What do you like to do? What is your special place and thing to do? If you don’t feel like doing it right now, that’s OK too, do whatever comforts you.

    Oh, I’ve done this too… saying aloud “I will kick his ass!” Not to say I would hurt a guy or any one. In this case, the “kick” would be in the game of life and love I am determined to come out a winner! And to “kick his ass” by not giving away control of my happiness to anyone no matter what.

    Deceit and lying is cowardly and you probably don’t want a cowardly man anyway… not in the long run…

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:42pm

  669. 669: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    662: Senior Lady Vibe says:

    @661: Ella says:
    “…So will just see what happens and work on the photos in time… ”

    I liked Rusty’s and Lilybelle’s suggestions. How about a couple outdoor pics and also a pic of you showing hobbies, tennis, bicycling, blading, rock climbing etc then maybe add something unusual…?

    An online dating story: I saw profile of guy who obviously had been told to put up several pics. He did. About six or seven but they were a series of head and shoulders shots all taken in his office on the same day, same clothes, same messy background… sitting in same position in same chair… LOL :lol:

    I learned a lesson from seeing that…

    :D

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Exactly. Think about what you want a guy to know about you.

    Here’s a suggestion using hypotheticals.

    1. that you love kids. (have a friend or relative take some pictures of you from a slight distance, while you play with the children.) Obviously you need somebody who is paranoid about pics of their kids online. I think this paranoia has gone too far. Do you have to be careful? Sure..make sure the pictures don’t give away specific location. That’s really not hard to do and is really the only thing you need to worry about.

    2. that you have interesting hobbies. (Have a friend take some pictures of you while you are engaged in some of those hobbies. Maybe scuba diving, ballroom dancing, gardening, painting, bike riding, camping, hiking, travel, etc…

    3. that you are a neat and tidy person. Take a couple of pics of you inside of your home…after cleaning it up of course. ;-)

    4. that you clean up well. Consider hitting the gm hard for a few weeks, watching what you eat, go buy a new dress that flatters you, get your hair done…long hair is typically preferred by guys. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t dominate men’s magazines. Get a makeover, then visit a place that can take some professional photos of you. Pick your favorites and add them to your profile.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 2:47pm

  670. 670: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    658: Senior Lady Vibe says:

    Many guys only look at photos. If you aren’t getting what you want and you are very pretty you might also experiment with the alternate “no photo” brilliant profile method.

    :D

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Risky. Think about it. Even women put a fair amount of emphasis on looks, whether they think so or not. Many women think this is untrue because they don’t pursue the absolute hottest guys. I even called a girl i knew out on this once. She was single at the time and I told her she was being too picky regarding looks and she denied it. So I pointed out a guy at a party that we all new to be a great guy, but he was also nowhere near being in league with the guys she normally dated. I challenged her to go ask him out. She tried to back out by saying that women don’t ask guys out. So I said, no problem, I’ll let him know that he should ask you out, bring him over, and you act nice to him and accept the date if he offers. She refused…of course.

    Montel Williams once embarrassed a guest relationship expert of some kind when she tried to say that if set up on a blind date, men’s first consern was looks, but it was not the same for women.

    Montel went into the audience and had a bunch of women stand up. He asked them all the same question, “If I told you I have a great guy that I want to set you up on a date with, what would be your first question for me?” Over a dozen women said, “What does he look like.”

    Now, let me come clean here. I did some dating through online, classifieds, and other such sources while in the Navy. It was a great way to get the love life going after moving to a new area.

    I have to admit that at times, when meeting for the first time, I was pleasantly surprised, and at others, wished I had asked for a picture first.

    The simple fact is that your looks ARE going to play into the equation, whether you like it or not. Might as well just allow those who are not going to find you attractive weed themselves out.

    And this goes for men. While I have dated women that are very attractive and my wife is very attractive, I also know that there are women that are so good looking, and they get plenty of attention from very hot looking guys with model good looks. I know they aren’t going to give me the time of day.

    But I am comfortable with that. It all goes to that old saying of controlling what you can, having the grace to accept the things you can’t and the wisdom to know the difference.

    My opinion is that if looks matter that much to you, in that you aren’t happy with the quality of guys that are into you, and don’t like the fact that the guys you are into aren’t into you, then you have to do something about your looks.

    I don’t care what relationship experts tell you, looks do matter and they matter for both sexes. It’s just a fact of life.

    That does not mean that anyone, even the least attractive among us, can’t be happy. The truth is, accepting the realities of life simply allow us to progress as a person and put ourselves in a position to find happiness.

    In fact, what you learn is that happiness has little to do with happiness. Look at Hollywood. Ever notice how the most beautiful are often the least happy? Brad and Jennifer? Yes they were very beautiful together…but were they happy? Not really. Oh yeah for a short while, but then no.

    However, there are many people there that we might not consider as attractive, like Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman. Not what I consider attractive people, but they are far far more happy than Brad and Jennifer. In fact, they have been married for 30 years.

    But what if either of them had an unrealistic expectation of who they thought they should be with? If anything, many people like them are maybe an example that being less than beautiful is a blessing in disguise, if you learn that a pretty face is not usually the doorway to happiness.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 3:09pm

  671. 671: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jeannette I carry you and Steve with you in my spirit. Sending prayers and positive energy towards you.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 3:34pm

  672. 672: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SLV the young people danced to that song at church today in the Fathers Day celebration. Really beautiful song.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 3:35pm

  673. 673: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda hope all is well with you and your family

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 3:44pm

  674. 674: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @670: Rusty says:
    “658: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    ‘…Many guys only look at photos. If you aren’t getting what you want and you are very pretty you might also experiment with the alternate “no photo” brilliant profile method…’
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    Risky…

    Hi Rusty, do you think the “alternate method” will attract more psycho killers…?” :lol:

    The alternate method, encouraged in a book written by a well-know male dating coach, cuts down on the huge flood of initial responses to a pretty woman. A woman who would be considered very attractive by most men. A woman who would not be turning off men based on how she looks, unless it’s men who are turned off by pretty women, probably not too many.

    The second part of the method is that the woman makes an initial contact to men whose profiles she finds attractive. Just one contact, no “chasing.” As you discussed, this might result in only a few responses, 1)those who blanket respond to every woman and 2)perhaps a couple guys who take the time to consider the profile before writing and then asking for a pic. Men receive fewer responses than women; they’ll probably at least look at a woman’s profile if she contacts them. If the is looking only for pretty it might end right there. If the woman is looking for a man a cut above ordinary, it might not.

    If you’ve been reading the Rori blog for a while you will have read many posts mentioning a huge response of guys who well,,,, don’t make the cut and who have apparently not even looked at the profile, possible being gobsmacked by the pretty pic. Hordes of unlikely guys and sub-par men. *sigh*

    Rusty:
    “…I have to admit that at times, when meeting for the first time, I was pleasantly surprised…”

    Since this alternate technique is for pretty women, the guys WILL be pleasantly surprised and the woman will have the benefit of a man who has read the profile (those guys using the blanket approach can be deleted).

    Rusty: “The simple fact is that your looks ARE going to play into the equation, whether you like it or not. Might as well just allow those who are not going to find you attractive weed themselves out.”

    The “alternate method” would weed out those guys whose only quality is they DID find the woman attractive.

    And it does call for women who are comfortable sending an initial response. This is not entirely a laid back siren approach. Although Rori is not totally opposed and has said so, there are some on the blog who will no doubt say otherwise. IMHO, I believe we should try different things based on who and what we are and what we are looking for. There is no one method that works for all.

    Alas…there is some help for all the unfortunate beautiful women in the world… :wink: Of course if the woman’s best quality is her beauty, this might not be a good technique. She’ll just have to cast wide.

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 3:54pm

  675. 675: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @672: Femininewoman says:
    “..the young people danced to that song at church today in the Fathers Day celebration…”

    Lovely… BTW, how’s your father? I remember serious illness and then I missed a month or more of blog posts. Is he OK?

    Hugs.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:06pm

  676. 676: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ok…

    So here’s what went down yesterday…

    He promised he would be home from camping at noon. Then I get a text that says that he’s going to be home at 6:00 because he’s going to “do some things” in the city first before he comes back. I told him I was angry about that because he didn’t consider what I may have needed/wanted to do.

    When he finally got home we got into a big argument and he basically said that he “just doesn’t see things changing” and that we should maybe go our separate ways.

    I LOST it! I said how I was so angry that after 10 years he didn’t even seem to think he should try to work things out. That I had basically wasted 10 years of my life supporting him (and having some pretty shitty jobs) so that he could go to school, and that I was livid that he wouldn’t even think that he owes me an honest effort. This went on for a while and he said “you have a right to be angry” but still thought maybe we’d be best on our own because we don’t make each other happy.

    So I said Fine. If that’s what you want, I need a week to get my stuff together, but I’ll be leaving on Friday. Suddenly, he’s like Oh… well wouldn’t it be better just to keep working here since you have a job? I said, no. I have no reason to stay here anymore. My mom said I could live with her. If you don’t want to be married, then why the hell would I stay? Just to torture myself while you do whatever the hell you want?

    Then he’s like oh… well, maybe we can see if we can make this work over the summer and then make a decision then.

    So… I’m really confused. One minute he says basically that it’s over and the next, he wants to make it work.

    I said I would agree only if he put 100% effort into making it work. No half-assed attempts where one minute he’s nice and the next he’s sabotaging things. And that he must come to counseling.

    He agreed. I asked him if he really wanted to do this because if he didn’t actually WANT to do it, I didn’t think there was any point.

    He said yes.

    So either it was a power play and he got scared when I said “fine, I’m gone by Friday”…

    OR he just wants me to stick around until he is sure his job will be extended at the end of the summer and then dump me then when he’s self-sufficient…

    OR he actually wants to make this work.

    I’m not sure what to think or even how I feel about this. I’m going to see if I notice an honest effort on his part and then make my devision from there. My mom is visiting at the end of July, so if there is no appreciable change, I think I’ll just go home with her then.

    So… blegh.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:10pm

  677. 677: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    I’m so sorry Mel, but please don’t think it’s been a waste. Life and lessons are never a waste.

    You confusion is understandable, and I really don;t want to be a doomsayer here, but I would tend to believe what he said initially.

    Still I would do just as you are doing, insisting on therapy and seeing what transpires between now and when your mother arrives.

    Hugs hon.

    xxoo

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:24pm

  678. 678: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Mel !!! Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry about the blowout. Ugh. You have every right to be mad! I wish I had some advice for you. Hugs. My heart hurts for you. :-(

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:28pm

  679. 679: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, it sounds to me like he was trying to use power plays. Some people, both men and women do this to get their way because they only feel safe if they are driving the boat. So this is a way to reassure themselves that they are still the one in control.

    Some may even do this if they are the one that wants to leave. But eventually they decide they want to leave and do it. So the other person makes the mistake of thinking that this is just another power play and they are surprised when the other person actually leaves.

    I’m at the point in my life where I won’t do this. If I say I am leaving, it isn’t as a power play, it is because I truly feel there is no hope of ever being happy again.

    My advice to you is to go ahead and do this with him, but at the point where he stops trying. Leave in a heart beat. Just let him come home one day and find your stuff gone.

    but if you are going to do this, you have to enter counseling not with the attitude to get him fixed, but to fix what is coming between both of you. Likely both of you see yourselves as the “less guilty party.” For whatever reason, something has come between you two and it has made both of you question your happiness.

    Maybe find that book Fireproof. I hear good things about it. In this case though, I think both of you should do the steps. It might make you both value each other more.

    See, i have come to the opinion that love doesn’t exist in the way I once did. I don’t believe in this notion of unconditional love. We love people for what they do for us.

    Think back to the beginning. I’ll bet he went way out of his way to win your affection. Likewise, you also likely did things that eventually changed. Leaving the socks on the floor in the hall was cute the first year, but then it became an irritant.

    In the beginning he may have told you how beautiful you are. He also loved seeing you react very positively to that. believe it or not, I think one of the reasons we men stop saying it is because we don’t get the same reaction anymore. We get things like, “You have to say that,” or something to that effect. My advice to women is to always and forever, simply smile brightly and say thank you. We say it because we like to feel appreciated for saying it. The more you seem to appreciate it, the more we like doing it.

    So be careful of this in the near future. If he compliments you, don’t toss it aside like it means nothing. Smile brightly, and thank him. Teach him through your reactions how you want to be treated again.

    Along with this is to resist going off when he doesn’t treat you the way you want to, unless it seems intentional and mean spirited.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:30pm

  680. 680: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    677: tinque says:

    I’m so sorry Mel, but please don’t think it’s been a waste. Life and lessons are never a waste.

    You confusion is understandable, and I really don;t want to be a doomsayer here, but I would tend to believe what he said initially.

    Still I would do just as you are doing, insisting on therapy and seeing what transpires between now and when your mother arrives.

    Hugs hon.

    xxoo

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I agree. And I again would caution about acting the wrong way during this “try.” If he gets the impression that it is he who is on probation, that he is the only one expected to change, or he is now expected to be perfect and jump through hoops, it all might as well end right now.

    Therapy doesn’t come without a certain amount of pain and discomfort and yes, a little back sliding.

    I like that video that somebody posted on this blog a while back. They showed how when teaching martial arts, if a child performed a hold wrong, they simply corrected where his hands were and said, “perfect.”

    Criticism during this process will only kill it. It’s a time for self discovery and healing.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:34pm

  681. 681: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @676: Mel says:
    “…and he basically said that he “just doesn’t see things changing” and that we should maybe go our separate ways….
    …My mom is visiting at the end of July, so if there is no appreciable change, I think I’ll just go home with her then…”

    This is your signal to get yourself a GOOD lawyer. No, his trip was not a powerplay (don’t waste your time thinking that or bothering about “what he’s thinking now.” ) But I can almost guarantee you he has been advised by his friends particularly if any of them are lawyers. Does he have a lot of lawyer friends?

    “…My mom is visiting at the end of July, so if there is no appreciable change, I think I’ll just go home with her then.
    So… blegh…”

    Absolutely not! Whatever else happens…and anything can… Do not just fade away as if you and your life were inconsequential.

    You and your lawyer are YOUR business just as his consultations with his have been his business and not discussed with you. Then carry on as you wish, counselors, whatever you decide.

    Hugs.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:38pm

  682. 682: MelNo Gravatar says:

    “Criticism during this process will only kill it. It’s a time for self discovery and healing.”

    “Still I would do just as you are doing, insisting on therapy and seeing what transpires between now and when your mother arrives.”

    Thanks for the advice Tinque and Rusty. Makes sense.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:38pm

  683. 683: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Whoa~ HotHDDude was an excellent CD today.

    O!M!G!

    Harley ride, lunch, a few beers and I felt totally safe and cared for and ALL that. I played a lot with the leaning back…every time I would lean back, he instantly would lean forward..it was very dance like and an interesting experiment. Pretty soon, we just fell into comfortable positions and talked and laughed and flirted and I freaking melted all. day. long.

    Apparently, there are a lot of masculine, take charge woman out there. ;-) He expressed his strong desire to be ALLOWED to be the man. To that I said, “Yes, please.” He liked my feminine energy. I used to offer to pay..there wasn’t even a chance for me to think about it, he had total control of everything. It wasn’t a big deal at all.

    Very comfortable, very relaxed and fun energy.. And the most gentle stroke of my cheek. *sigh*

    Now I need to practice letting go of thoughts of him. But first, because I can still smell him, I’m going to revel in this day for just a while.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:38pm

  684. 684: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I just hope I’m not just getting “used” so that he can continue to pay the bills until the end of the summer…. That’s what I’m most concerned about. Because I ACTUALLY want to make this work and a blow like that would crush me.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:40pm

  685. 685: MelNo Gravatar says:

    SLV

    I have a free lawyer consult through my work. I might see what they suggest, just to make sure I don’t get screwed over.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:41pm

  686. 686: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    676:

    I’m as confused as you, Mel. Damn, Mel. ((((((Hugs))))))

    684:

    I may be a bit dense this evening…what do you mean?

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:48pm

  687. 687: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    683 Lillybelle that’s awesome!! Sounds like a fun day.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:51pm

  688. 688: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelle:
    Well his contract is for a year only and ends at the end of August. Currently he doesn’t have anything lined-up for after that. Whatever job he gets for September will pay probably double what he gets now, so my income is no longer necessary. Until then, he can’t really pay all the bills without my help. As well, if he doesn’t find anything by the end of the summer… then that would be another reason to keep me around.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:52pm

  689. 689: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @685: Mel says:

    Yes, take care of yourself so that whatever you decide comes from a loving yet confident position.

    Plus, quiet smooth confidence is pretty sexy I think. And a bit of mystery doesn’t hurt either…

    IMHO :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:55pm

  690. 690: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    688:

    Ahhhhh, now I understand. Ewwww, I don’t like the way that feels for you either.

    Listen to your instincts.

    (((Hugging you hard, sending you strength)))

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:56pm

  691. 691: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    689:

    I agree!!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:57pm

  692. 692: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Lilybelle

    Yummmmmy!

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:58pm

  693. 693: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Like I said, I HOPE that’s NOT it… that he actually does want to work things out. I’m just a little cautious because of his sudden turn-around.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:58pm

  694. 694: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    687:

    :-)

    I’m still smiling about this.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 4:59pm

  695. 695: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    693:

    I wonder if there would be any merit in asking him about this in some way? I just don’t know how I would bring it up but at this point, everything else has been said, why not?

    There must be a good way to ask this.. I feel curious….???

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:02pm

  696. 696: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    695:

    “I feel concerned….”

    ???

    So not good at this but am trying to offer support, Mel.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:03pm

  697. 697: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    684: Mel says:

    I just hope I’m not just getting “used” so that he can continue to pay the bills until the end of the summer…. That’s what I’m most concerned about. Because I ACTUALLY want to make this work and a blow like that would crush me.

    Here’s a thought. Why not just go home now. Tell him that you’ve thought about everything and you need time to think. You’ll decide later if you want to work things out. I mean, isn’t that what he just put you through, and then comes back with saying he doesn’t think things will work out.

    I will say this though, you say you basically bit his head off as soon as he walked through the door. I wonder what he was going to say before that. his statement that he didn’t see things changing may have been because of getting his head bitten off.

    I do think that you should see how a few sessions go. I can see one initial visit together, then the counselor may want to do some sessions alone.

    Don’t expect a lot during this time because I would expect that the counselor has to try to get a sense of what both people are thinking and what their views of the problems are.

    I’ve been thinking about this for a bit. I am wondering if his unhappiness isn’t down to one thing. Real life hit him in the face and he’s unhappy because of it. In other words, he had romantic views of what his life would be like as a lawyer, and now that he is doing it, it isn’t living up to his expectations. So now he has been searching for a way to be happy, even destructive ways, such as setting up a profile online.

    If this is the case, maybe the counselor will be able to help him work his way through this, and make him take a look at his life without you to determine if he thinks that will make him happier. I saw a survey once that showed that a few years after a divorce, a very high percentage of both men and women feel like it was a mistake. That it was not the answer to their unhappiness and problems.

    So I think you are doing the right thing by giving it a chance. But yes, do protect yourself.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:04pm

  698. 698: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @693: Mel says

    He might not even know! And Rori says “things can turn on a dime.” I believe they can. For the good. You just don’t want to be less advised and counseled than he.

    Hugs

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:04pm

  699. 699: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks! Lil! :)

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:04pm

  700. 700: MelNo Gravatar says:

    “I will say this though, you say you basically bit his head off as soon as he walked through the door. I wonder what he was going to say before that. his statement that he didn’t see things changing may have been because of getting his head bitten off.”

    Yeah… I know I have stuff to work on. Of course I could have handled things more calmly. But honestly, I was at my breaking point. I just felt like I couldn’t take it any more. I had zero patience left. I think up to this point I had actually been trying to be patient and understanding (although of course not perfect in this) but nothing seemed to be helping.

    I understand that I have 50% of the responsibility for this mess. And I AM willing to change my behavior if I really understood what is the matter. Hopefully he’s in that place now too.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:10pm

  701. 701: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    692:

    Indeed, SLV, Indeed. ;-)

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:20pm

  702. 702: AnnabelleNo Gravatar says:

    To R in NC,
    That sucks! Totally sucks, and I feel badly for you. I have been in similar situations, and yes, it leaves one feeling like never dating again! My advice is to take a deep breath. Several deep breaths, and disengage from further responding. If he has any scrupples whatsoever, he will realize he is a jerk– and a huge disappointment to you. Take care of yourself!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:23pm

  703. 703: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @701: Lilybelle

    Re: 664: R in NC

    It would be great if R in NC were on blog reading now, if she knew your story. Lilybelle… look at you now!!! Glowing, CDing, everything… Hooray. Yummy, yummy. :lol:

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:26pm

  704. 704: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m looking out the window at the trees and I’m seeing that it’s 8:30 p.m. and still light outside. My birthday falls just before the summers solstice and I’m getting very excited, tingly. I think we’re building up to a summer solstice climax here… :P

    Here’s what’s going on at Stonehenge…
    http://www.newsahead.com/preview/2011/06/21/england-21-jun-2011-druids-celebrate-summer-solstice-for-first-time-as–mainstream-faith/index.php

    Tingly…

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:37pm

  705. 705: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I’ve been thinking ‘hard’ about xbf and what I should say and how I should bring it up—and when…

    Well, I spent the ENTIRE day yesterday reading through Rori’s posts (from the Post Directory)–anything that was even remotely close to what I was thinking/feeling. I found some really specific information. (I really needed it spelled out for me!) I was amazed at how much I learned there.

    I got out a notebook and, since I’ve been going over this in my head for days now, I only needed one page to write-What I feel/What I don’t want/What does he think?

    So, this is how it went when I actually brought it up with him:
    ****************************************************
    Me: “I’m confused. I keep waiting for this [being apart] to get easier.”

    Him: (softly) “You did this. I didn’t have anything to say about it.”

    Me: “I thought you were kind of relieved when I left. I felt so sad that you didn’t say anything.”

    Him: [looking at the floor]

    Me: (I talked about things I was thankful for, things he’s done for me and how his kindness over the years was not lost on me. I admitted that I haven’t known the right way to talk about things—and he didn’t ever want to talk about things. We both kind of nervously laughed, knowing how true that is.)

    Me: “I know this isn’t the best time to talk, but feeling like this isn’t good for me and I had to bring it up while I have the chance. I don’t expect an answer today. I know you take a long time to process stuff and to make decisions. There is no other man in my life—unless you decide not to step up and make me yours.”

    Him: [silent, listening and looking right at me.]

    I said I had to go (I didn’t want to hang around.) He gave me a big hug and I left.
    ****************************************************
    I know I talked too much…but there were some things I needed to say and I’m glad I did. The whole conversation took about 20 minutes because of all the long silences. (I was torn between getting out what I had to say and trying not to fill in the blank spaces, so I just did my best.)

    It wasn’t the perfect ‘speech’–but it was as close as I could get. If he’d been dating or there was any other woman in the picture I would not have felt safe enough to say what I said today. But I can’t live in this limbo. It’s making me crazy. I can’t settle and I can’t move on–I have to face this. I might not like the answer/result, but I’ll know where I stand.

    Maybe I just made a big fool of myself today, but at least I tried. It was a huge step for me to admit I feel confused and that I can’t keep going like this the way things are. It hurts too much–and I deserve a guy who actually wants me.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:40pm

  706. 706: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I believe if you did not lose your cool after he showed up 6 hours after he promised he would you would continue to be taken for granted. I know we need to be forgivig but he chose to go off to think if he wanted to stay married and I am wondering why shouldn’t you have that choice also. The question I would ask is what is the intention if you do choose to go home immediately. I am wondering what did you agree on before he left. What did you commit to do if he had decided that he did not wan to be married. My thinking is that you should honor that word. I feel uncomfortable with him going back and forth. He knows what you want to hear and will say it. I woulnd’t want to see you leave in righteous indignation and with a bruised ego. You got mad so he naturally reflect the rage back. Emotions is contagious. I am not sure that was the best time to have negotiated oneself back into limbo. Maybe just let him know how he had broken your heart and that you were going to take care of yourself. I also don’t like how you said if that’s what you want. I am asking myself what does Mel want. It seems to me that even if he came back saying he wanted the marriage to work Mel needed some time off to see if she was okay with how this played out and deal with the possibility that it could happen again in the future. The best predictor of how people will behave in the future is how they behaved in the past. I know you want this to work but I am asking myself but at what cost? He promised to be home at noon but changed to 6 p.m. He is entitled to do that but if you were not just there waiting you would not have been that angry. It seemed that resentment was rightly starting to build. As an outsider I feel he would have come home to me at 6 p.m. and find me uninterested to listen to what he had to say and find me packing. I feel if he really wanted to work this out he would have been home earlier than noon worried that he made a mistake of leaving in the first place. I feel uneasy about this.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:46pm

  707. 707: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    703:

    This is so true, SLV.

    R in NC~ If you are here, I can try to help.

    Please read what SLVposted to you above (#668) and then let us know if you are here. And, whatever you do, please don’t text/call him again because you may be feeling bad about tghe exchange. This period of time needs to be only about you and your feelings. One piece at a time, one step at a time.

    I am pretty “fresh” (four months or so…WOW) out of a very painful situation so I know very well what you are feeling.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:47pm

  708. 708: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @705: FlowerChild77

    You feel better… that’s a good thing.

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:50pm

  709. 709: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Re 700 Mel I am concerned about the 50% responsibility. Gay Hendricks and CCarter talks about taking 100% responsibility. It doesn’t make sense but if you take 100% responsibility and he takes 100% responsibility it seems things work better because you are not looking to hold the other person responsible for holding up their end of the bargain. I sense the position you now are in is, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:55pm

  710. 710: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 705 FlowerChild you did not make a fool of yourself. You made an effort to change that I hope will inspire him to change. Hopefully you were not attached to any particular outcome, just wanted to say your peace. I sense there was calmness and if this is your truth I imagine he should be able to honor it as well as share his own truth.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 5:58pm

  711. 711: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Really feel like a moment of truth for some on the blog today. I hope this honest woman reaction will flip that switch that CCarter talks about in his writing that men have.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:02pm

  712. 712: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens….I need some advice. There is a man in my workout class that I find myself being more and more attracted to….we talk and joke around alot. I lean back and he seeks me out…always sweet and greets me. I know he is not married…

    Well tomorrow our class is coming to an end, and I don’t want to lose touch with him. I don’t want to lean forward….but I want him to call me and keep in touch!!!

    What do I do? I think he thinks I have a boyfriend….because I was in a relationship when I first started this class a while back…

    Should I hint that we are no longer together?? help…I’ve been thinking about this dude alot!

    He’s in good shape too,,,yummy

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:10pm

  713. 713: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @712: Emerson says:
    “…Should I hint that we are no longer together??…”

    No, I wouldn’t hint; I’d tell him. Call it an experiment if you wish. There’s not much to lose if you’d never see him again anyway. If you two normally talk and if he’s interested he’ll probably work it into the conversation anyway.

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:18pm

  714. 714: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson how about bringing up kind of sideways about what next now that the workout class is coming to an end. I imagine that you must have some plan for the future so I would assume he has some too. Maybe share what you are thinking about doing.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:20pm

  715. 715: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    713 SLV
    Good point. I’ll just be direct. I have a feeling this guy kind of likes me, and I have a warm feeling with him.

    He’s not conventionally cute, does not have a “player” look or attitude, but there is something really attractive about him. hee hee

    Funny part is, he’s only seen me in gym clothes, and somedays I havent even bothered with makeup. ;-)
    I feel happy when I think about that and I feel open and soft….I hope I dont get nervous now when I talk to him.

    Now I’m excited about tomorrow!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:25pm

  716. 716: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    714 FW good idea.
    I’ll be direct about the boyfriend being out of the picture but then casually ask what he’s going to do to work out now that our class is over.

    I feel attracted to him!!! Blush!!!!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:27pm

  717. 717: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    712:
    How about telling him you have enjoyed his company and extend your digits. OR ask him if he is going to take another class and go from there. If he bites, THEN you can pick up and lean back from there. From what you say, it sounds as if you two are comfortable together…

    If you two don’t really have a chance of running into one another after tomorrow, what do you have to lose?

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:28pm

  718. 718: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    FW and SLV…Yes, I was very calm. I cried a little, I couldn’t help it.

    Any other time in the last 12 years that I tried to talk about things I didn’t accept him, in that I expected him to ‘answer’ and ‘figure out’ while we were sitting there. And usually, by the time I was ready to talk about things I was so f’n angry that it all came out in blame. I look back and see that I was AWFUL.

    I also was not comfortable with receiving. I didn’t say this to him, but I can understand where he ended up feeling that no matter what he did/gave it wasn’t enough and that he didn’t feel safe with me because I couldn’t handle my own emotions.

    No matter how this turns out, I will still have learned a great deal. Thank you all for your support and guidance. I feel better, but I’m exhausted. I feel a great relief….

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:39pm

  719. 719: R in NCNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 707: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    703:
    R in NC~ If you are here, I can try to help.

    Please read what SLVposted to you above (#668) and then let us know if you are here. And, whatever you do, please don’t text/call him again because you may be feeling bad about tghe exchange. This period of time needs to be only about you and your feelings. One piece at a time, one step at a time.

    I am pretty “fresh” (four months or so…WOW) out of a very painful situation so I know very well what you are feeling.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Yes I am still here. I clicked to be notified of comments via email but didn’t get any emails. Been trying to avoid the computer because I go into stalking mode and hurt myself again. I would like to thank you all for your comments, hugs and advice. I have been moping all day being depressed then getting mad at myself for getting depressed. Thing is I have been through this all before. Husband cheated on me numerous times, 1st relationship after that, cheated on me, swore he wasn’t then a few months later told me she was pregnat and he was marrying her, a year later, got into a new relationship…was good for about a year, then caught him texting the ex and now this one. I feel like I am stuck in this never ending cycle. This last one was the best guy I have ever met. Attentive, affectionate, understanding and gave me intimacy. We both stated we felt chemistry from the first meet. I can’t figure out what happened. Am I more mad that he did this or that he lied and continued to lie until I pretty much told him he couldn’t anymore because pictures don’t lie. Then he just brushes me off with a I wish you well too. No apology, no telling of the truth. Of course I am doubting myself, what if I am wrong,should have given him a chance to explain. Blah blah friggin blah. I know I will get through this..this too shall pass! I do Yoga, which helps tremendously. Wasn’t in mood today, supposed to go to class tomorrow and will probably have to FORCE myself to go. I believe Rusty was asking about guys I look for. I usually go out with anybody who asks LOL .. just because I know not to go after a type. My friends told me today to stop going after the pretty boys hahaha. But I just felt something with this one. I am excited about the CD concept now that I am not in a relationship…just don’t know where to meet anybody. Don’t want to pick up at a bar or party, internet site is where I met last one and really nothing else I can do….so I am thinking of just becoming a hermit and giving up…letting myself get fat and old and be alone. SIGH….why is this so hard? Why do I keep getting hurt? How much more can I take?? How can one heart endure so much pain?? Thanks for everything guys!!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:40pm

  720. 720: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Lillybelle….
    Maybe I should say something like “I feel good when I work out, I want to continue the routine, but I don’t like to exercise alone…what do you think?”

    Naughty stuff comes to mind to say after that….hahaha… but I won’t!!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:41pm

  721. 721: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    719 R in NC

    I know it feels so unjustified, that he did not admit to lying or any wrongdoing. This makes me think of closure…Rori has an article about letting go of the concept of closure, I’ll see if I can dig it up.

    I’m glad your are still here, reading the blog. Response time may be delayed at times, but you will find love and support here. These sirens have helped me a lot. Thanks ladies ;-)

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:52pm

  722. 722: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    719:

    I truly believe, R, that all men and all people, for that matter, are brought to us because we have something to learn. I sense a pattern here..Hey, nothing to feel bad about; we have all had them. Patterns are easier to break when you know what they are.

    The secret, in my mind, in it’s simplest form, is to be aware of how YOU feel about any given man, any given situation, at any time. Period. This is a real switch and is not easy and I am so still learning this. BUT, what I have seen happen for me is, a strong sense of self, a confidence that I can do myself no additional harm, allow no more additional pain as long as I pay attention to how I feel. I took my power back and it feels damn good. Does that mean that I don’t have days where I don’t feel sad or unsure or have my nasty voices screaming in my head? Nope not at all. In fact, I just got done fighting a battle with my NV’s that lasted about two weeks or so. But because I KNOW who I am, I also knew that I would come out of it, there was something else that needed to be healed and I kept going forward.

    For now, don’t stuff your emotions. Don’t try to be “strong”. If you are sad…be sad but FEEL it. If you are angry, be angry, but FEEL it. Cry…sob…throw eggs at the shower wall sans Mel, get it out and then, you can begin again….and for me, it was with a sense of hope like I had never felt before and also with a sense of authenticity… Still learning and still growing but Oh, SO proud of where I am so far.

    Stay here with us…rant, rave, riff, read and grow. We are cheering for you.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:55pm

  723. 723: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    720:

    Emerson…yea, I know the feeling re: naughty stuff. I am still glowing from my afternoon with HotHDDude..and it is from some of the naughty thoughts I had. Man, I can’t get that picture of him out of my head…the way he stroked my cheek so gently…

    Yikes. and a big fat SIGH. lol

    I’ll let myself thing about it for the rest of the evening but tomorrow, I am back in myself again. LOL!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 6:59pm

  724. 724: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @716: Emerson

    Maybe this sounds tricky but… even though in conversation I’d let gym guy know that I was a free woman I wouldn’t ask him out on a date either. I’d let him show his interest in seeing me. I’d like to see what happens.

    … or pounce if you want to… LOL :lol:

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:00pm

  725. 725: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelle, Love it! That’s so cute about the stroke on the cheek. :-) talk about feeling special!!!

    I notice you said a few times that you will think about him today but then not so much going forward…Hmm. Interesting. I think that is healthy and I should try that too. I tend to get all excited and mini-obsessed when I’m into a guy, and then it becomes EXTREMELY hard not to lean forward!!

    But I like that deliberate boundary of thinking.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:05pm

  726. 726: R in NCNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, I will definitely stick around. I feel like I am going to go crazy. OVER A BOY!! I feel like I am a teenager again, moping and crying and stalking.
    I did go back and look at the picture again. I actually think it is somewhere like Mexico. Back in April he went on a business trip to Mexico and told me he couldn’t take a guest, had to pair up with another agent because he didn’t have enough sales, but he really wanted to take me. Now that I look at the picture it looks like that may be where it was taken. So now I wonder how long this has been going on…but I have a tremendous support team in my friends, just sure they are tired of getting the texts of my self pity party. So I am glad I have you guys!!
    I get a little stronger each minute…I have been listening to that song I Get A Little Stronger and Wrong Baby Wrong all day!
    I am clicking the notify box again…hope it works but will be tomorrow before I respond because I am going to bed to put this awful day behind me.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:08pm

  727. 727: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    724 SLV
    I agree that outright asking him to go our or get together would be leaning forward, and I don’t feel comfortable with that. I’m too chicken anyway I would never do it!! Haha!! LOL ;-)

    But yes, it is a bit tricky, I will lean back and let him know I am ava and then ask about his future workout plans and see where he goes from there…

    If he blows past it and doesn’t pursue, I guess I’m no worse for the wear, I got some practice in that’s all!!
    haha!

    It really helps to type this all out and figure out what the heck I’m doing.

    I hope this doesn’t seem too elementary for some people….I”m literally asking word for word what do I say??? LOL…
    ;-) ;-)

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:09pm

  728. 728: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    R in NC, I couldn’t find the article about closure, don’t recall where it is! Sirens any ideas?
    But…
    I did stumble accross this one and I LOVE it…always makes me tear up and feel so good…so reassuring!!

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/that-i-would-be-good/

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:11pm

  729. 729: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, so quick question Sirens.. If you aren’t supposed to hold back your feelings, but you WANT to hang out with a guy.. but you are supposed to lean back and wait for him to lean forward.. Isn’t that just the same as hiding your feelings?? And is it okay to text a guy or contact him first every once in a while? Ugh I’m confused.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:20pm

  730. 730: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @728: Emerson

    Here’s my favorite Rori non-closure post:

    “Don’t Let Go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse”
    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/marriage/dont-let-go-dont-resolve-forget-closure-and-stay-on-your-horse/

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:21pm

  731. 731: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @728: Emerson

    I’m reading other one now…

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:23pm

  732. 732: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    This has actually been something that has been on my mind for a while now.. And I would really like your guys’ advice on it.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:27pm

  733. 733: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    730 Yay! :-) thanks SLV! I hope R in NC sees it.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:33pm

  734. 734: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    729 Kayla, Daria gave me a good suggestion to say to a potential CD that I wanted to meet but he was stalling and liked to just chit chat on the phone ……something like, ” I feel open to meeting you”…then just be silent

    and guess what, i tried it and it worked. And I didnt feel like I was leaning forward.

    I think you can also say something true to your heart like “I feel ignored” or “I feel lonely today”…..
    sirens your feedback???

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:45pm

  735. 735: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, that was deep…. I just went back in time and returned… cleansed. “Summer solstice!” Actually, I posted on the old “stay on your horse” thread by mistake… :lol: But I think there was a purpose there. I’m not where I was a year ago. I feel good.

    Here’s what I posted… “over there.”

    285: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    OK, this is from the “no closure, stay on your horse” post. I used to read it a lot. Not so much anymore. A little retrace is good sometimes…

    I really like this part.

    “…REFOCUS your mind, body and heart around something NEW – something that FEELS GOOD – something that’s MEANINGFUL to you – it will overpower the energy you’re showering on this undeserving man.

    So instead of rituals and symbolic acts to LET GO of him (because then it’s STILL all about HIM…) what we need here is rituals and symbolic acts to hang onto, hold onto, embrace, worship and adore OURSELVES…”

    ~ Rori Raye

    This sounds so… “summer solstice-y.” Maybe I was a Druid in another life… or not…

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:36pm

    286: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    On this most recent reading, I’m paying close attention to the “undeserving” description…

    So true, so true…

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:39pm

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:47pm

  736. 736: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Also Kayla I know what you mean about wanting to text or call once in a while to initiate contact….but he has your digits and your contact info…so unless you are responding to him contacting you….try to lean back and wait for him to reach out.

    I knowww.w….it’s hard. I screw up all the time. But I’ve found I do it less now that Im conscious of it.

    Meanwhile, CD yourself, friends, other guys so you don’t get itchy fingers and want to call him!! ;-) ;-) And when he does call…you’ll be all warm and open and happy from all your fun CDing!!!
    hugs,
    Emerson

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 7:48pm

  737. 737: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @734: Emerson says:
    ” I feel open to meeting you”…then just be silent..”

    Yes, sounds like me. I’d say something like that. Thank you, Daria. Warm and inviting but not pressuring. Nice. I like that. Of course said while already on phone. It would be kind of different calling someone and saying that…

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:00pm

  738. 738: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Emerson (: I actually used to be HORRIBLE at leaning back, and I would chase and chase and chase, and it got me nowhere.. So common sense pretty much told me that I needed to stop chasing all the time.. Well at first it was pretty hard, but now that I have been practicing it, I don’t find it hard to not initiate any sort of contact at all (: unless of course he contacts me first, I was just starting to wonder a little bit if not initiating contact was the right thing to do.. But the reason I’m asking is because “pickup guy” has been out of town for a couple of days, and lastnight he texted me and told me that he was coming back into town today, he didn’t ask me to do anything, all he said was that he was coming back into town.. I replied with really? Cool (: and we were texting for a little bit longer. Then today, I guess I was sort of expecting him to text me and say hey, want to go do something? Probably a bad habit.. He hasn’t texted me and earlier I saw him hanging out with some other people I smiled at him and that’s it, I’m not sure if he saw me smile at him.. I’m not really feeling upset about it, but the fact that he hasn’t contacted me all day is making me feel sort of worried that he isn’t interested in me anymore??? Idk I know it’s probably a bad habit to “expect” him to contact me in the first place, and it’s also probably a bad habit for me to “worry” that he is losing interest.. What do you think?

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:04pm

  739. 739: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m thinking “ghost of Daria.” I guess I’ll have to explain that some time later but it’s cute….

    It’s kind of like Santa’s elves. When Santa can’t be there… an elf appears to help out. Sometimes Santa doesn’t know the elves have helped.

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:05pm

  740. 740: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @738: Kayla says:
    “… and it’s also probably a bad habit for me to “worry” that he is losing interest.. What do you think?…”

    What do I think? I think it would be nice to meet some new people.

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:09pm

  741. 741: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going outside to walk around a bit and look at the moon. Is there one tonight? Any self-respecting Druid ought to know that. Am I letting the ancestors down?

    :D

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:11pm

  742. 742: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    738 Me too, I used to fixate on ONE guy and lean forward big time, and I always felt like they had the power over my happiness.
    I feel embarrassed just thinking about it.
    EEEK!

    Well, your feelings are natrual wondering if he’s lost interest and why he didnt’ reach out by phone or in person if you were in the same place…,,,but a possible answer to that is CDing other guys and relishing in the attention from them as they are fascinated by your sireny-ness….the law of attraction will bring him your way if it’s supposed to happen…

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:11pm

  743. 743: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Well I agree, but you see I live in a very small town. Lol.. Where I pretty much already know everyone that lives here. . . But then again, who says they have to live here???

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:12pm

  744. 744: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Well said Emerson (:

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:13pm

  745. 745: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Kayla :-) keep smiling and focus on YOU…

    SLV the sun has not set on the West Coast so no moon yet ;-)

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:16pm

  746. 746: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Kk (: and one more ? justt to make sure.. No initiating contact first right??? I should lean back?

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:18pm

  747. 747: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    746 Kayla….LOL yes you are correct. I think yuou should lean back and don’t call or text! Tie your fingers together :-)

    maybe read one of Rori’s articles on feminine energy…that’s a good reminder

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:21pm

  748. 748: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    @ Kayla
    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/feminine-energy/2484/

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:23pm

  749. 749: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Haha okay (: thankss!

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 8:23pm

  750. 750: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Jeanette, you and Steve are both in my prayers! I hope things got better as the day progressed.

    Mel, I would go with your instincts… and I think it would be great for you to actually be able to go and get some space/distance. It’s healthy, and sometimes allows for a fresh perspective.

    I’m feeling very blue today. My girls and I went to see Taylor Swift last night, had great seats, took their 45 ft. boat down the Allegheny to get there… what an amazing night. We were all tired today, but the girls got to Skype with their dad and then we went to my sisters for a father’s day get together. Was nice… but I just couldn’t shake this tired/blah feeling.

    I’m going to stop dating for awhile. I need to focus on myself for awhile. I have bills to pay, 40 pounds to lose, clutter to get rid of, kids to raise, and am just so tired of men poofing. Mike2 was going to come over Fri. night. I had to take Caitlyn to urgent care to get a foot checked out, so I said I’d let him know if we didn’t get home too late. I called around 10, and haven’t heard from him since. I’m not in love with him… he’s not in a good place to give me what I want, it’s not breaking my heart or anything, I’m just so tired of getting disappointed. How hard is it to return a phone call or do what you say you will? I know he’s stressed with his life, but I am feeling stressed right now too. Not a good combination.

    What I’m feeling right now:
    Sad that today would have been my 14th wedding anniversary… the What if’s are floating through my mind like crazy…..

    Envious my sister met a step up guy in the second guy she’s gone out with. Also happy for her though, she hasn’t had romance/passion in such a LONG time.

    Guilty that my girls will spend so much time in daycare this summer. This is the first summer I’ve worked full time since before they were born.

    Worried about money… have been spending a lot lately, need to stop and save for awhile to get back to my safety net amount.

    Confused by my mother in law bringing up that my ex has talked about coming back to me. He has someone else… it’s been such a long time. She’s made several other comments about wanting us both to be happy, we’ve grown and changed, would be different now. Why is she encouraging this when he’s not talking to me about any of this?

    Proud he’s being promoted to Lt. Col. Sad that my life didn’t work out the way I wanted it to with him.

    Mentally tired….. such a long and full week/weekend. I don’t feel clear headed right now. I don’t know what I’m doing beyond taking the girls to day camp tomorrow and going to work. May be an hour by hour day tomorrow.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 10:23pm

  751. 751: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    My post should say the girls and I went to see Taylor Swift with friends last night and took their boat… I don’t have one.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 10:27pm

  752. 752: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    I feel warm tonight.

    Because every relationship book I owned made for great firewood tonight.

    My heart is back to closed. My vibe is back to c^nty. Seems life works best for me like that.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 10:39pm

  753. 753: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    751 Turquoise LOL I thought your girls had their own boat! JK. That sounds so fun! What a great memory!

    Aww I am sorry you are feeling blue and disappointed!!

    I hear you on taking a break from dating….I turned a new (cute) CD down today because I just wans’t feeling it. I wasn’t feeling cute I was feeling chunky and preocupied by all the logistics of my life.

    Also my folks live far away so I was not with my Dad today for Father’s day…I always feel WEIRD on cetain holidays.

    Hugs to you! :-)
    -Emerson

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 10:40pm

  754. 754: Island GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn… what’s up?

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 10:50pm

  755. 755: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    i went on a date with a wonderful and handsome man tonight. I felt beautiful and cared for and turned on and on and ON!! It all felt really good. I felt good showing him cool places in my city (he’s new to the area and asked me to be navigator). It felt great to see how much he loved all the things I was excited to show him. I feel a little concerned about his strong religious perspective – I find myself worrying about how my family would receive his words (and efforts to “save” them) To me, he has said repeatedly that it seems that God is calling out to my family, and he seems hopeful that my Dad and Brother would find faith and renounce Atheism. And I feel worried that he’s going to try to do something like “lay hands” on me or my family…or summon a worship group to pray with me…I just don’t know if I want to go there. And yet it feels nice to be around a man who has scruples. though, I felt a little weird to hear about how he wants to jump me, but is refraining. It felt hot and good, but maybe worrysome too. Overall, it felt really good. And there are other guys calling and texting and emailing, and that feels good too.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 11:11pm

  756. 756: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Adam called and txtd repeatedly last night asking if I’d received the ‘great things about you’ list I’d asked him to email me. It’s a lil thing we do that’s uniquely ours.

    His list felt remarkable, romantic, and awe-inspiring…too personal for me to share here. And signed of with ‘xoxo.’ :melts:

    He called again this morning but I was i ballet class and returned it when i was avail.

    We had a nice convo and I listened to him as he recounted his heavily emotional day with family and mourning memorial. I feel bad that this person is no longer in his life.

    Then he asked why i didn’t answer last night and what i meant in my text answering “not mad at you, babe. just mad at myself.”

    Me: “I’ve been racking my brain worrying about my career, though things are going fine now.”

    A: “As you know, I get that. Welcome to the past 3 yrs of my life. But what else? Have I done anything wrong, are you angry with me?”

    Me: “I’m angry at myself for not listening when you said you don’t want to be anyone’s boyfriend right now, yet I continued to treat you like one…It has also been gnawing on me that when you accused me of only being listening/supportive, it was to reel you in as a boyfriend. I feel angry at myself for not admitting that it felt bad to viewed as someone so shallow and manipulative.”

    He apologized for the ‘reel you in as a bf’ one, and he said that he feels my loyalty and support as true and is ever so grateful for it.

    Then he bemoaned the betrayal of his ex and his ex friends more. I felt bad for him. I just listened, though. When he asked what to do, I just said he’s a good guy, a strong guy, and he’ll figure it out. He said thank you.

    Then he spoke more about his career drama, unsure of prospects on either coast. Btw, Sirens, keep in mind I’m in CA.

    A: “CA is out of the question. Not just work wise, but there’s nothing in the state of CA for me anymore.”

    Pause. I let him fill it.

    A: “I can’t be your bf. Or anyone’s. I was such a horrid bf, it lead you to cheat on me. I know you’d never do it again, but every woman leaves me. Every woman breaks my trust or screws me over somehow. We don’t even live in the same city anyway.”

    Me: I understand.

    I think that’s what i said. it was something lean-backish.

    Then there was more shallow, light convo about misc nonsense in which my vibe was upbeat.

    Then I got off the phone and told my bff later at gym.
    Told him I actually in a weird way felt more accepting, less attached to the outcome.

    My bff: “Bull. Keep lying to yourself. If he called right now and said he changed his mind, you’d be jumping for joy. You lie to yourself, you lie to me. I don’t accept liars.”

    Later I get home and see the pic A sent pre-convo of his new hair he calls ‘the $7 f$ck it i know longer give a f$ck haircut.’ I wrote back ‘actually, i like it. you’re really good looking.’

    But I guess (sorry, not strong enough on siren island to say FEEL right now) that’s enough appreciative feedback from me to him. for now. or forever. don’t know. :sigh:

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 11:30pm

  757. 757: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and I did email back appreciation and xoxo on his list last night.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 11:31pm

  758. 758: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    emailed it last night upon returning home. before our afternoon convo.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 11:32pm

  759. 759: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Gina,

    not all christians are ‘save your soul’ 1930s carnival barkers. love, kaitlyn your fellow atheist.

    Sunday, 19 June 2011 @ 11:35pm

  760. 760: AnnabelleNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the old “Don’t let go” post. Hit the spot!

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 1:13am

  761. 761: meemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Dear sirens
    I am back from three weeks of fieldwork.
    No internet and mails for three weeks
    I am dying to catch up with yo guys.

    I came back this morning and opened my inbox and saw X’s wedding invitation.
    I dont know what I felt.
    I felt a prick in my heart
    some dark deep feelings
    I cried for some time.
    I really do not know how to deal with this emotion.
    It sort of upsets me to see the wedding invitation.
    His wedding is on this sunday.
    I feel a weird pain.
    and some feelings of sadness and bitterness.
    I dont want to break down or spend energy on this. But i cant help feeling hurt.
    I wish this sadness fades away and i wish i forgot all about it.
    I will eventually
    but right now, i am feeling hugely displaced.
    Need help and advice.
    Really clueless what will help me now to feel better.
    Love you all
    Meemee

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 1:15am

  762. 762: meemeeNo Gravatar says:

    I know crying will not help though my eyes are filling with tears once in a while.
    this is not that sort of upfront pain.
    this is the pain of something which is over long back.
    this is different and new and hence.
    That wedding card and the names written on it and the memories it brings to me…
    I am visualizing his wedding and that makes me feel down.
    I feel angry with me when i do so.
    I am on my path to finding happiness.
    I am minding my business.
    and i should mind my business.
    But feeling unable to stop feeling hurtful thoughts.
    how do i deal with this?
    Meemee

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 1:23am

  763. 763: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    MeeMee,

    pls don’t feel sad. remember there is more of a sense of urgency in your culture to get married. or who knows, maybe he got another girl pregnant and she decided to keep it against his wishes. or he asked any lackluster loser chick to marry him because he feels more grown up. either way, he won’t be happy. you will. i guarantee it, lovely.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 1:27am

  764. 764: meemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn
    Thanks.
    I am telling myself not to feel sad.
    I am telling myself that life will shower me with happiness and good fortunes.
    but for a moment, when i saw that decorated invitation and his group mail inviting all of us, my heart suddenly sank and i felt some unknown pain.
    I dont know why, i dont know why!
    Meemee

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 1:38am

  765. 765: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    sometimes it’s ok to not to know why.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 1:46am

  766. 766: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, any updates on gym guy?

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 3:17am

  767. 767: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling tired after the journey.
    I still feel upset about that wedding invitation.
    I dragged myself to gym. It was difficult. I was feeling strange feelings of hurt and bitterness and was tempted to stay indoors, smoking.
    But I dragged myself out of my house.
    I can feel that feeling of hurt somewhere deep inside.
    It doesnt manifest always.
    Some times I think about and visualize his wedding. Then i feel that pain.
    Some times I think of what I went through and how he must have been preparing himself for marriage all that while. then i feel bitter.
    But as Loneplum wrote once, I should not even look at his bridge.
    I should stay on mine.
    But difficult to control thoughts.
    :(
    Tomorrow is my sister’s birthday. And day after is my roommate’s birthday. So I will go for a shopping and get some gifts for them.
    I should try not to stay in the house and think bad thoughts and sad thoughts
    Baby steps.
    Meemee

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:38am

  768. 768: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bad/guilty/sick that this convo with Adam was on the 1 year anniversary of his cousin’s suicide. Huge family gathering and day of grieving for A. He called me and expressed that. But then when he asked why I was angry, I let him know. I feel selfish. I just realized I did this.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:54am

  769. 769: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Meemee,

    I am not convinced you need something to feel better. It is okay to feel the pain of loss and grieve over it. If it is delayed it will resurface in the future better just embrace it now and just release yourself into it is my opinion. Grieve and grieve deeply. To me this is what will release its hold on it. You knew this was coming and I would encourage you to just delete it and start making plans to do something special for yourself during the time of the wedding. Dwelling on it won’t help.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:55am

  770. 770: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SLV I heard that the summer solstice starts tomorrow? Anyway I will start saying Happy Birthday from now. I believe you celeberate for a month wa what you had said.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 5:04am

  771. 771: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    any advice on what to do/ not to do on or during summer solstice? and btw, i hate summer. hate it.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 5:18am

  772. 772: AnonymousNo Gravatar says:

    Jeannette ,

    I am praying for YOU. I am sending YOU the energy and I am praying for your angels to scoop you up and hold you close , no matter what else is going on .

    Steve has his own battles to fight and supporters to support him ,and I figure any spare Siren energy is best sent to you , a very special brave woman.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 5:32am

  773. 773: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jeannette sending you more positive energy, love and prayers for your journey.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 5:41am

  774. 774: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SLV my dad has come a long way, just not strong but he is walking around and going out on special occasions.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 5:42am

  775. 775: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, hope you had a good weekend. You are still on my mind.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 5:43am

  776. 776: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Boomer and Jilly I am still missing you.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 5:44am

  777. 777: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @761: meemee says:
    “…I really do not know how to deal with this emotion.
    It sort of upsets me to see the wedding invitation…”

    So, no reason to ever look at it again. I know what I’d do. I’d toss it! And then I’d make a wedding invitation for myself. Oh, yes I would! I often do these kinds of things.

    I’d print out my future wedding invitation in pretty handwriting, or even just use a computer printer, as wedding invitations are printed.

    When it came to the line for the man I’d print out something like:
    “Mr. I-do-Love Adore-And-Cherish-Meemee.’
    I’d make the date:
    “Some beautiful month and day in my near future.”

    Next I’d put my wedding invitation into a precious decorative box and leave it on my dresser so I could look at it whenever I chose as a reminder of my life to come.

    I actually have a box like this and it came from India. A woman gave it to me one day about twenty years ago. I didn’t know her then and I’ve never seen her since. She just appeared, very beautiful, a former film star I think she said. I could believe that too.

    I met her in restaurant line and we struck up conversation. She owned a big floor through wholesale space in midtown of my city. She imported items and on the spot she invited me to visit and look around. She told me she was returning to her country and then she gave me the box. Yep, stuff like this happens to me all the time… :lol:

    Make that wedding invitation! I believe there is power in the intentions we set for ourselves and beauty and happiness in creating or collecting objects that remind us of those intentions. And it’s fun!

    Hugs.

    :D

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 6:33am

  778. 778: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @774: Femininewoman

    I’m happy your father is recovering.

    xoxo
    SLV

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 6:37am

  779. 779: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    FW, happy recovery to him!

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 6:55am

  780. 780: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @770: Femininewoman says:
    “…SLV I heard that the summer solstice starts tomorrow? Anyway I will start saying Happy Birthday from now. …”

    Thanks! Also yes I do little celebrations for a month and then starting on the following month, and through the year, a little celebration each month on the number day of the month. Just little personal things.

    Last night I had a desire to be outside at midnight so I went walking for almost an hour. I love walking under large trees, trees wider than my outspread arms, trees older than I will ever be. FW, I was soaking up power, and tingly joy. I’d been feeling tingly joy all day…. Ok, no jokes. :P

    I thought for a sec about walking deep into the woods because even though I always have similar feelings on my walks, several years ago I had the same intensity as last night. This occurred on a Halloween night as I walked through the forest. Eerie too. But so-o-o-o-o delightful.

    However my son and grandchildren were with me then. I’m bold but not a fool so I kept to the sidewalks last night and strolled past the park benches. But… no stars in the sky and I couldn’t find the moon either!

    I think it was Kayla or Emerson who later posted that there was not yet moonrise. I’m so terribly ignorant about moon phases and appearances. I checked the Internet when I returned but didn’t make sense of it.

    Perhaps this is an area I could explore this year. I’ve never studied astronomy; I think I’d like to. I had that notion a few days ago when Turquoise mentioned stargazing and mighty telescopes. That sounded intriguing. A CD idea for sure.

    :D

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 6:57am

  781. 781: R in NCNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning sirens!
    Just getting caught up on the posts. Thanks #728 and #730 and whoever else commented to me. I have those articles up and will read them, maybe print them out, in a little bit.
    Update: sent one final email last night..I know I probably shouldn’t, but I had to tell him the rest of the stuff on my mind. Of course that helped , for a minute , then new stuff came up in my head. But I have vowed to have no contact…deleted him out of my life..off my email contacts, out of my phone, etc. Today is Day 1 of NO CONTACT.
    Well I woke up this morning at 3:30 am, thinking of him and how could he do this to me? Checked my email and no response. It is making me physically ill. I knew this was coming, as I have been through it all before. My thinking was, this time I have “Siren Island” , so it will be easier!
    So I keep going over the conversations in my head, trying to decipher them. Keep thinking why her and not me? What is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough for a relationship? When this NV comes up, instead of thinking about him I try to twist it into thinking about what can I do for myself at this time (a tip I got from here somewhere). It helps but I just want the thoughts to go away!
    When I think about never hearing from him again, I feel sad and depressed and disappointed. Deep down I want to hear from him sooo bad. I just want him to at least acknowledge I am right, he did me wrong and say I’m sorry. Instead I get the blowoff of I wish you well too. UGHHHHH. Make it stop!!!
    The thing is I am feeling really scared to date. I feel they are all the same, or at least the ones I attract are. I have been lied to, cheated on, done wrong so many times I think it will happen each and every time.
    I am going to be ok, I have my yoga, my therapist, my friends irl and now I have all of you!! :-)

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 7:41am

  782. 782: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @781: R in NC

    If in order to do Rori for you, you believe you need to do “No Contact.” You can try this free help. You can do Rori and No Contact at same time.

    http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-e-guide-newsletter/

    :D

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 8:21am

  783. 783: R in NCNo Gravatar says:

    @782 SLV
    Wow, thank you so so much for that link. I signed up for this. I think I need it because I do good for a week or so, then I feel like I have to contact. I even delete the number, etc but can go back to my cell phone bill and find it again, so I am sure I will need all the help I can get. I don’t think I will have to worry about ignoring his contact, because I don’t think he will be contacting…it’s keeping myself from contacting. Here are a couple things I read on this site that really hit home.
    “While it can be tempting to keep someone in your life because you hate the thought of not hearing from them or want to keep tabs on their lives, unfortunately this prevents you from moving on and the type of person that needs NC doesn’t respect your boundaries.
    NC is quite touch though as you not only rebuff their contact but it’s about resisting the urge to make calls, send texts, emails, instant messages or drive by their house when you feel nostalgic or lonely”

    This is something I would be tempted to do, actually have been tempted to do in the past. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I really don’t want to have a meltdown like I have in the past!! I really think this blog and all of you guys fine advice will help!!

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 8:32am

  784. 784: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey SLV,

    Thanks for the NCR link.

    I was wondering if you’ve read her e-book “Mr. Unavailable & the Fallback Girl”?

    I’m wondering if perhaps this is a dynamic in my marriage.

    Just curious….

    Man! I’m still feeling so confused about what happened. It’s so weird that he can say one minute “I don’t think I can be the person you want me to be.” and “we don’t make each other happy.” and then the next… “all of the things you are asking seem reasonable, maybe let’s try to work it out.”

    I’m still shaking my head!

    I even said to him… “well what exactly did you expect me to do? You tell me you want to go our separate ways, but then think I’m just going to hang out here torturing myself? If we’re not going to be married, then what the hell am I doing here?”

    FW,

    When I said to him “Fine, if that’s what you want I need a week to get my stuff together and I’ll be gone by Friday…”

    It was because I would choose firstly to stay married. However, if he’s unwilling to be the partner I need, then my second choice was to leave. I think I said it that way because breaking was not what I wanted, but what he was communicating as HIS wishes. Obviously, staying married doesn’t work if he doesn’t want to, even if it’s what I desire.

    I think, that while I understand Rusty’s view that he shouldn’t be “on trial” and that I should give this a fair chance, I don’t want to see this slip back into old patterns and be back into the “in-limbo” state that feels so terrible.

    There’s got to be a way that I can give him a chance without tolerating any further heartbreak.

    I guess FM’s FM’s & more FM’s are in order. And taking great care of myself is the most important.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 9:10am

  785. 785: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I wish you the best,I just did not like what he initially said.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 9:15am

  786. 786: MelNo Gravatar says:

    785

    Me neither FW. :(

    I’m honestly perplexed.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 9:19am

  787. 787: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Daria…

    I wouldn’t mind some advice in the feeling message department! Maybe these don’t necessarily need to be SAID… but maybe just being clear on the things that I want/don’t want would be helpful.

    – I don’t want to feel excluded anymore
    – I don’t want to feel insignificant (I want to feel like my feelings and opinions MATTER and are taken into consideration when decisions are made)
    – I don’t want to feel like a roommate
    – I don’t want to feel starved for affection and attention
    – I want to feel like I am a priority
    – I want to feel cherished and important
    – I want to have fun and be adventurous
    – I want to feel safe and secure

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 9:31am

  788. 788: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ok… I had a thought

    Maybe I should only say these things when he does something positive (even if that’s not very often right now).

    For example… he opens the car door for me and I say “thank-you, that makes me feel really cherished.”

    He asks for my opinion on something and I say “It feels great when you ask how I feel about something. It makes me feel like what I have to say is important to you.”

    Some of the don’t wants might be harder though…

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 9:41am

  789. 789: MelNo Gravatar says:

    And it will be super difficult to overlook things that feel terrible. But I could try…

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 9:46am

  790. 790: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Mel, the latter.

    If something is really bothering you, for example, you’re feeling left out of his life, say “I feel not a part of your life anymore, and I don’t want to feel this way with you. Can you help?”
    xxoo

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 9:50am

  791. 791: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Mel,

    I know your question was directed at Daria but I just wanted to mention that in Men are from Mars… It advises not using the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ as they are an exaggeration and stop a man from hearing what you are saying.

    I think if it were me, I’d focus on giving appreciation and sharing good the good feeling feelings and process the bad feeling feelings mostly privately unless asked how I’m feeling and take really good care of myself. I wouldn’t ignore things that feel terrible, I’d excuse myself and do some processing and share how I was feeling once I’m in a better place.

    I’m sorry to hear how things are with your husband but you sound really strong.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 9:50am

  792. 792: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Tinque & Kyla!

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 10:03am

  793. 793: DENo Gravatar says:

    Mel:

    I feel very happy noticing u are working on u list of wants and don’t wants…and also are considering the use of feeling messages.

    That’s great. One word of caution though…on the use of feeling messages…I read u “i feel cherished” FM…and I doubt u can feel that from him right now…:( if you don’t “feel” that way truly…it could backfire on u because coupled with the energy within u it could be received by him as “games” and “manipulation”….

    Practicing on your own for yourself, colleagues at work, public places might feel safer to you…right now, from what i read…u home situation…is like “sleeping with the enemy”…which is an awful feeling…:(

    I like Tinque’s advice on using feeling messages when you don’t feel good about something…I haven’t read all the comments just yet…

    Overall, your voice is getting much stronger…and I like seeing u are getting more clarity about what u want and don’t want….awesome!

    Big warm hugs,

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 10:20am

  794. 794: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @784: Mel says:
    “…Thanks for the NCR link.
    I was wondering if you’ve read her e-book “Mr. Unavailable & the Fallback Girl”?…”

    No, I haven’t read the book and I don’t really follow that blog although I did read a few posts last year. I subscribed to the newsletter (a small ebook comes with it) which supplies good support specific for no contact but the issues were a little slow getting started.

    Do you really think you need “no contact?” I think of NO CONTACT for other issues. IMHO, I’d recommend Rori for you and let the other things work out as they will.

    I hope things work out. And those lovely bees… but you could also do that wherever you are if you decide to move.

    :D

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 10:21am

  795. 795: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks DE!

    You’re right… opening the car door USED to make me feel cherished though. And this is something that I really loved. Right now, I feel appreciative, but not necessarily cherished because of all the other stuff going on. I could see how this might seem fake…

    I just thought it would help him to know the things that he does do that help me feel that way. That he CAN make me happy…

    Something to think about though.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 10:25am

  796. 796: MelNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    No, I don’t think I need no contact, I just saw that she had that other book and I wondered if perhaps I may be with a “Mr. Unavailable.”

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 10:27am

  797. 797: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @796: Mel says:
    “… I just saw that she had that other book and I wondered if perhaps I may be with a “Mr. Unavailable…”

    You’ve been together for a long time and I think you’d know before now. Did you see Wendy’s posts on the other thread? Your situation seems very different. Yours is more the thing I’ve seen before: woman puts man through college, he graduates and believes he has a new life in a whole new world.

    :D

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 10:53am

  798. 798: MelNo Gravatar says:

    The “grass is greener” mentality….

    Let me tell you… I am a lush and well-cared for dewy green meadow, filled with beautiful wildflowers. If he wants a boring astro-turf… then he can have it!

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 11:10am

  799. 799: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 798 Mel I was feeling a bit blue and low energy just now shaking my nvs away then I read 798 and said out loud “damn”. Now I feel my vibe and energy lift. Thank you.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 11:15am

  800. 800: DENo Gravatar says:

    FYI: There is a new blog post….

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 11:20am

  801. 801: MelNo Gravatar says:

    :)
    I’ve never compared myself to grass before… but it’s true!

    Those “perfect” porn images are like astro turf. I have much more to offer!

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 11:22am

  802. 802: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I guess the experience is bringing your natural “spunk” back Mel. Talk about being in the moment.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 11:26am

  803. 803: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    not so perfect Mel, just different, not that this makes it feel any better. remember too that a two-dimensional can never compete with a real live person.

    xxoo

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 11:29am

  804. 804: turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    Mel, I thought the same thing about the word cherished…. not sure he wants you to feel that way by his actions. If you make a big deal out of every little thing he does, he may pull back. Just be authentic.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 11:48am

  805. 805: MelNo Gravatar says:

    … So just “Thanks! I appreciate that!” ???

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 11:49am

  806. 806: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @801: Mel says:
    “…Those “perfect” porn images are like astro turf. I have much more to offer!…”

    Yes, I’d strut around just like that too! For me!

    :D

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 12:26pm

  807. 807: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    706: Femininewoman says:

    Mel I believe if you did not lose your cool after he showed up 6 hours after he promised he would you would continue to be taken for granted.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I am not so sure. Clearly he has plenty of fault here, but we don’t know his side of the story. We don’t know if he even knows why he has a disconnect. This is why the counseling is so important. But clearly, he has a side of the story and I am sure that as a human who will make mistakes, Mel made her share. She’s willing to admit to that. That is a huge positive. If he can do the same, they can get past this.

    I would not put too much into what happened other than an agreement was made to go to counseling. I can totally see myself reacting like he did if I walk in and get my head bit off.

    Maybe after everything, he still felt like he needed to work through some things. Or maybe he simply feared how things would go.

    And maybe he has a different definition of time, or he did not think he was obligated to show up right at noon. That is one thing about the Myers-Briggs that is useful. Do the tests and find out if they strengths and weaknesses look like you and your mate. If so, you can use it to help understand each other.

    It can help you not take things personally that aren’t personal. For instance, one personality type might be the type that is very punctual and for them, this is huge. If somebody is late, they take it personally because to them, you are taking them for granted. And they think that you know you are doing this because that is how they think. But with the Myers-Briggs, you can learn that no, that is just an idiosyncrasy of that personality type. To them, if they say they will be there at noon on Sunday, but show up at 6pm, in their mind they are still on time. To them, saying noon Sunday actually means Sunday. I’ll be there Sunday. When you learn this, you can be more understanding of the fact that it’s not personal. With that weakness comes other strengths.

    I don’t know the whole story here but I do know I might react like that to having my head bitten off as soon as I walk in the door.

    Mel does not have to and should not accept things just going back to the old habits, but I think she needs to sit down and do an honest want and need list.

    Like, she needs him to stay off the singles sites and porn. She would like for him to open the door for her. Find out what she must have and would like to have. He should do the same thing. Maybe he doesn’t feel his needs are being met somehow. This is pretty common.

    A woman might say, “What are you talking about, I do everything for you, I do your laundry, make you breakfast, etc…” In his mind he is thinking, “Screw the laundry, I can do my own laundry and fry my own eggs. Besides, I mow the lawn, wash your car, etc..”

    In other words, that isn’t the needs that aren’t being met. Likely it is something less visible or tangible. Could be something as little as not getting his head bitten off as soon as he walks in the door, or constant nagging about what he isn’t doing, etc…

    I think Mel should simply continue to do things that makes her happy, lean way back with him, except when he does things that she wants and needs from him, then when he does that, make sure he knows how much she appreciates it. Like maybe bring him breakfast in bed, or whatever she knows he likes. Reward kindness, trying, good behavior, etc.. with like behavior. He does something kind, do something kind for him. She should go through with the counseling and approach it from a fixing me and him, not a fixing him point of view. And yes, she should talk to a lawyer to make sure that her bases are covered, to make sure that by staying through the summer, it isn’t just some angle for him. Not sure what he would be getting out of it. Frankly, I think he had just decided that they should spend the summer going to counseling and working on their marriage and that after making an honest attempt, it doesn’t work, then call it quits. I think the initial comment was just a self defense mechanism because of the blasting he got when he walked in.

    What Mel saw in action was where I talked about the knight raising his shield instead of being the chivalrous knight. Come at him with guns blazing and nothing positive is going to happen. He just goes into self defense mode.

    Think about it. If you were in his shoes. You decide to stay at a friends house to see if you want to continue a relationship with your husband, and said you would be home by noon on Sunday.

    But another friend stops over and before you know it, it is 5PM and you hit the road. You know it isn’t good and that you should have been home at noon, or at least closer to noon than 6PM, but it doesn’t change the fact that if you walk in and he lays into you with both barrels blasting, you aren’t likely to simply say, “You’re right, I’m, sorry.” No, your initial instinct will be to return fire. And you know that you women are so good at this and you’ll even go back 15 years to find the ammo you need if necessary. ;-)

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 12:27pm

  808. 808: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty I totally agree with you. The friend thing partially passed through my mind but was hesitant to write it because my mind automatically went to the friend that I as a woman would not want to be hearing about because of past experience with a cheating man. I don’t know how Mel will react to this because I can make up stories but I chose not to here. In the context I believe I would not have “bitten off his head”. He would just have found an empty house.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 12:52pm

  809. 809: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    No matter what kind of personality one is, making plans, etc. and showing up 5 hours late (without a simple phone call or, at the very least, a text) is just rude. Are certain personality types exempt from basic manners and respect? (I’m just sayin’…)

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 1:04pm

  810. 810: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    FlowerChild in his defense he sent a text.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 1:18pm

  811. 811: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    @809

    Flowerchild, it think you have to look at things in context. This will not be a smooth ride. It is a couple that needs to be thrown a lifeline. I don’t know what was in his mind. Sometimes in these situations you are afraid to even take a step because you are afraid of failure.

    I don’t know why he came home 5 or 6 hours late, but as was stated, he did send a text that he would be home later.

    My point is mostly that I would likely have said the same thing. I’m nobody’s whipping boy and will not respond positively to somebody coming at me like that no matter who they are.

    I think this is one of the problems in today’s society though. We often allow our relationships to become TO comfortable. Thus we think we can talk to each other in ways that we wouldn’t talk to a friend who has done similar trespasses against us.

    I meas seriously, if your friend showed up to your house 5 hours late, would you have a right to be miffed? Sure, but would you take it as license to totally go off on them? Not likely. So why is it OK to do this with your SIGNIFICANT other? Simple answer…it’s not.

    Watch the HBO series John Adams. I love the way he and his wife address each other in their letters to each other. So very respectful. What is wrong in this world the THEE person who is supposed to be #1 in your life no longer receives the fitting respect? And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high. We simply don’t know how to act anymore.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 1:37pm

  812. 812: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not saying that I was justified in “biting his head off.” Obviously, there are better ways to deal with such a situation. But as I said earlier, I felt like I was at my breaking point. That I was bloody sick and tired of being patient and understanding. I had had enough.

    As for the wants/needs thing… I’m totally for that. I’m sure that there are things that he feels he is not getting or things that I’m doing that he doesn’t appreciate. But he does actually have to TELL me what they are and not just quietly resent me for something that I’m not even aware of.

    Finally, I think this whole thing is a vicious cycle. Who even knows how it started, but what happens is that the more distant he is, the more anxious I am. The more anxious I am, the more secretive he is. The more secretive he is, the more suspicious I get. The more suspicious I get, the more angry and withdrawn he gets. Then I feel rejected and he just feels “controlled.” When really, all i ever wanted was to be loved and cared about, and this “reaching” for him just made him run away. Who really knows why he initially became withdrawn? I don’t even think he does. The trick is that in order for things to change, both people have to realize their role in the cycle.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 2:47pm

  813. 813: MelNo Gravatar says:

    “We don’t know if he even knows why he has a disconnect.”

    Rusty,

    Seriously, I don’t even think he knows that there IS a disconnect. He’s either absolutely clueless or just has his head buried in the sand.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 2:56pm

  814. 814: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I also think the reason why I “LOST IT” on him is that he didn’t even think about the fact that I might have made plans. That perhaps I would like the car to be able to go and do things to make myself happy and take care of myself. There was no “would you mind if…” it was “BTW, this is what I’m doing.”

    I was so angry because in doing so, he eliminated any possibility for me to be able to take care of my own needs. And I was already feeling abandoned and sad and frustrated, so this just felt like the last straw.. you know?

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 3:10pm

  815. 815: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @814: Mel says:

    “…That perhaps I would like the car to be able to go and do things to make myself happy and take care of myself…”

    OK, great this means you get to call car service and hire a driver with Lincoln Town Car or some such! Yum!

    :D

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 3:18pm

  816. 816: MelNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    LOL! If only I had his credit card number….

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 3:23pm

  817. 817: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    816: Mel says:

    SLV,

    LOL! If only I had his credit card number….

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Mel, I am a bit disturbed by this. Do you not have access to any money? I don’t see how this is possible or right.

    If you work, you should keep as much of your money for yourself as he is. I seem to remember that you supported him while he was going to school. You have a right to money as well.

    He should not have a credit card and not give you one. Even if he puts a spending limit on yours that is reasonable IF you had problems with disciplined use of one.

    This needs to be dealt with in counseling. He’s a lawyer and you can’t even afford a small used car so that you also have transportation? At least get a Vespa!

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:06pm

  818. 818: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    814:

    Exactly! And goes back to the point I was trying to make over the weekend:

    What about Mel? What about her needs and desires. Personally, I would have hitchiked to the nearest motel, hotel, bridge overpass, tavern, anywhere else but home after such a lack of consideration and respect regarding my needs. I would have been hella pissed irregardless of the text to “tell” me what he was doing.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:11pm

  819. 819: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    817:

    I know, right?

    Grrrrrrrr…I want to get my golf clubs out.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:21pm

  820. 820: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    Had he and Mel came into the relationship with their present jobs, then I would say the bare minimum on fairness is that they both pay 50% of the bills and then they have whatever is left over as their own. That is, if both can afford their half of the bills. More fair would and considerate would be that they pay based on percentages, as in if he makes 75% of the income, he pays 75% of the bills. Ideally the relationship is so strong they can just agree on where the money goes and there is no division…but sometimes, that just isn’t an option. Such as when one spouse thinks they have a right to dip into that piggy bank anytime they want and the other person is tired of seeing their money go out as fast as it comes in.

    In Mel’s case, since she supported him while he went to school, I think the bare minimum is that they pay on percentages. More fair would be that she have equal access to all the money…unless she had a problem controlling her spending. I doubt that she has that problem.

    One last bit on that is to make sure she has documentation on that fact…the fact that she was the primary bread winner while he went to school. If they divorce, she will likely get some alimony. In this, I would make sure that she is “supported while she goes to school, or the same number of years as he went to school. I can’t see a judge not awarding her that, unless the state laws won’t allow it for some reason.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:29pm

  821. 821: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I apologize. I didn’t read carefully. I’m sorry for my assumption.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:37pm

  822. 822: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    I just hope the counseling works and this relationship gets repaired. These situations tend to have two people in a stand off, two people who love each other but are hurting or feeling lost in some way.

    Mel obviously loves him but is hurting and feeling a bit hopeless. I hope they get a good counselor that can get to the heart of the matter and help them fix the problems. Maybe call Dr. Phil. ;-)

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:39pm

  823. 823: MelNo Gravatar says:

    The money situation is equal. Both pay cheques get deposited into a shared bank account. I have a credit card, but I don’t like to use it as we have enough student loan debt as it is. He also has one of his own. The only money thing that bothers me is that my credit card statements are mailed to the home and he can look at them any time. His are NOT mailed (even though I have asked him repeatedly) and I never see any statements. I don’t like this at all.

    Also, even though he is a lawyer, it’s only his first year and we are in a mountain of debt after his 9 years of school. I have also only recently found work after our move, so money is tight right now. Thus the ONE car and no extra $$ for vegas trips, trips back home etc.

    I just feel that if he says he wants me to be happy, and he “doesn’t want to be responsible for my happiness,” then he should be more considerate, cooperative and accommodating when it comes to sharing the vehicle.

    How am I supposed to get out and meet people, do fun activities of my own and get myself out of the lonely isolated house if he’s always hogging the car.

    When he wanted to go camping, I offered to drive him to the campsite and pick him up when he was ready to come home and he refused. He made a big deal and said that if I wanted it that badly, he’s hitchhike or something. Of course, I didn’t want that… I mean I was worried enough as it is, so I caved. He just did not want to have to rely on me in any way whatsoever. He’d rather be firmly control.

    On the day he was to leave to go camping after work, I get a text from him that says… “This girl from soccer is having a party, so I’m going to go to that before I head to my campsite.” Ah-ha so that’s why you didn’t want to be dropped off…. Nice.

    So I’m just frustrated by the situation because I want to be independent too and have my own life and make new friends and be happy… and he CLAIMS he wants that, but then when it comes right down to it, if it inconveniences him in any way, then it’s a problem.

    So after he pulled this and THEN he still unilaterally decided to stay out an extra 5-6 hours, I got VERY angry.

    He ended up coming home around 2:00 (because of my angry response to his text: “That makes me VERY angry!”) but I was out walking the dogs when he arrived. This is what caused the blow-up in the first place because he’s like: “First you complain that I’m not coming home on time and then you’re not even here when I come home.”

    The thing is, Rusty, I’m actually not a very angry person. I tend to be pretty agreeable. I admit lately I haven’t been all nicey-nice, but I’m seriously frustrated.

    I want to communicate better and I hope I can find a way that will not cause him to shut down. It seems anything will cause him to shut down or get angry at this point.

    Blegh.

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 7:51pm

  824. 824: TmizzNo Gravatar says:

    Wow – carnival of feelings is exactly what I’ve been experiencing lately!

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 8:16pm

  825. 825: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, I hate to ask this but it’s been bugging me as I read your story. Do you know for sure that he actually went camping???

    Sorry – I am probably not the most trusting person in the world, but the fact that he wouldn’t let you drop him off/pick him up looks like a big red flag to me…
    :-\

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 8:54pm

  826. 826: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    766: kaitlyn says:
    Emerson, any updates on gym guy?

    I saw him tonight when I went to go work out, and he said hi and something about how I was cool…LOL…I smiled and said thanks! I was trying to work on my vibe and be open and soft and feminine…hee hee.

    I was just going on with my workout…thinking I’m really not feeling it re: bringing up anything about my ex-boyfriend and how he’s not in the picture…blah blah!!! It just felt ewww….

    But I didn’t even have to!!! I ended up chatting with him and another guy about motorcycles and he asked me if I wanted to go on a motorcycle ride with him! I am kinda scared but I said yes!

    He was like really, Emerson? You will go with me? I was like heck yah that sounds fun! Then after the class we walked out to our cars together and he’s so fun to chat with! So cute. I’m excited!

    Well that was a really long story just to tell you all that a guy asked me to go on his motorcycle…hahaha

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 10:17pm

  827. 827: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Awww Emerson, it’s stories like yours that give me (and probably others on here) hope! So happy you didn’t need to bring up the topic of your ex bf and that he stepped up and asked you to go for a ride!

    How exciting! I’d be scared too but hey – you only live once! lol :)

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 11:38pm

  828. 828: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    DE:

    RE: #341 – 331 – Thank you for your rich thoughts about speaking miracles into existence. Yes, I believe God lives in me and thru me.

    Feminine Woman, I really feel your care…and it means a lot! Thanks!

    And thanks everyone else!

    Tuesday, 21 June 2011 @ 1:11am

  829. 829: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – it sounds like a lot of boundary issues on your part

    and then goes to blame on him

    “I just feel that if he says he wants me to be happy, and he “doesn’t want to be responsible for my happiness,” then he should be more considerate, cooperative and accommodating when it comes to sharing the vehicle.

    How am I supposed to get out and meet people, do fun activities of my own and get myself out of the lonely isolated house if he’s always hogging the car.

    When he wanted to go camping, I offered to drive him to the campsite and pick him up when he was ready to come home and he refused. He made a big deal and said that if I wanted it that badly, he’s hitchhike or something. Of course, I didn’t want that… I mean I was worried enough as it is, so I caved. He just did not want to have to rely on me in any way whatsoever. He’d rather be firmly control. ”

    Here is a lot of the the thougths that are damaging the relationship exposed.

    you can take each of these thoughts about him, and instead find the feelings

    these thoughts are ‘the wall’ keeping intimacy and healing from happening

    all of this “he should” and “he is thikning… xyz”

    ok so you wanted the car

    he said ‘grumpy stuff”

    YOU CAVED

    meaning, you didn’t hold your boundary

    you didn’t put yourself first

    you let his FEELINGS, of grumpyness, etc… matter first

    so… then that builds YOUR resentment towards him

    …..

    try to really put yourself first

    he wants teh car or hithike?

    ok he can hitchhike

    he can figure it out

    hes a MAN

    hes The man

    you are the woman

    you dont want to be left without the car

    that matters THE MOST

    once you get used to putting yourself first,

    the urge to get in his business, control him, and your resentment of him will go wayy down

    Tuesday, 21 June 2011 @ 2:45am

  830. 830: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – oh no! “losing it” is totally not gonna be ok for rebuilding the relationship… oh man… its not like oh i just lost it, its ok, it can be really really damaging

    youve got to change this to where “losing it” is not even an option for you anymore

    there is no losing it… you have to be VIGILANT about the four rules to save a relationship… and vigilant about feeling messages only, and leaning back, not overfunctioning

    Tuesday, 21 June 2011 @ 2:58am

  831. 831: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    What are the 4 rules?

    Tuesday, 21 June 2011 @ 2:59am

  832. 832: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, Lillybelle & Rusty…

    I’m moving my comments to the newest thread…

    Thanks again!

    Tuesday, 21 June 2011 @ 5:00am

  833. 833: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn…the four rules are:

    Trust your boundaries
    Feel your feelings
    Choose your words, and….
    Be surprised! :-)

    Tuesday, 21 June 2011 @ 9:43am

  834. 834: sentual petalNo Gravatar says:

    turds.

    Friday, 1 July 2011 @ 2:57pm

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