What Is A Soul-Based Relationship And How Do I Have One? An Interview With Jason Nelson

I was just in the studio with Jason Nelson, recording a fabulous interview with him that will be released early next year to my Monthly Interviews With Relationship Experts subscribers – and I asked him for an article around his “Soul-Based Relationships” coaching. I think Jason is fantastic, and that looking at love this way is brilliant and helpful:

By Jason Nelson

My new coaching clients continue to tell me how they want something more from their relationships, both those dating and clients who are already in committed partnerships . . . but they can’t quite put it into words. They have a feeling perhaps or some semblance of an idea based on previous experiences. When they seek my help, they wish to better understand the ineffable quality they sense.

My answer, in so many words, sounds something like this, “The type of relationship you are describing is what I call a soul-based relationship.”

“What is that?” they ask.

I continue to explain: “A soul-based relationship is the natural, loving way we are meant to experience partnership with each other. Qualities of a soul-based relationship include being unconditionally loving, accepting, open to learning, harmonious, trusting, understanding, patient and empowering. Is this the kind of relationship you want?”

The common answer I hear is, “Yes, it is exactly what I want!”

To better understand soul-based qualities, it helps to compare them with their antithesis, the ego-based qualities. Below is part of a two-column list found in my book Empower Our Children: God’s Call to Parents, How to Heal Yourself and Your Children (due for release October 15^th 2012).

I recommend for you to grab your journal now, so that you may follow along as we explore and begin to create a soul-based loving relationship for you!

Soul-Based Relationship Qualities
Acceptance
Unity
Understanding
Freedom
Empowerment
Patience
Respect

Ego-Based Relationship Qualities
Conditions
Separation
Blame
Control
Disempowerment
Impatience
Disrespect

After reviewing the Soul-Based and Ego-Based Relationship Qualities above, you can move on to the exercise below intended to give you a snapshot of your relationship experiences up to this point. Evaluating and understanding your relationships gives you the power to shift qualities that have not served you to qualities that you do want.

Soul-Based Relationship Review

Reflect on your relationship with your current partner or a past partner.
Identify the qualities above that you experienced in the relationship.
Determine which qualities serve you now and which ones do not.
Transform the beliefs that have enabled the qualities you do not want to beliefs that support the qualities you do want. For example, if a quality you don’t want is ‘Blame’, then choose its antithesis ‘Understanding’, and transform beliefs so that you can experience ‘Understanding’.

We all would like a quick fix that will give us the loving soul-based relationship we desire. Attracting new soul-based friendships and partnerships, as well as harmonizing our current relationships requires patience and time. Most importantly, it also takes a willingness to look within ourselves to transform the sticking points or limitations that we may have blamed others for in the past.

The soul is within. Love is within. Greater freedom is within you right now.

The primary purpose of relationships is for each of us to grow and evolve. This is called personal transformation. Personal transformation is when we consciously choose to work towards a change within ourselves. This often means letting go of the stories and limiting beliefs that are not aligned with what we truly want for ourselves.

For many, personal transformation is unappealing because it is challenging, and to some it is a signal that something must be ‘wrong’. By seeing the personal transformation that relationships offer us as opportunistic gifts, we can begin to have fun with the process and find potential partners who see it similarly. Or we can inspire our current partner to view the relationship as an invitation to transform and be empowered. Either way, you can turn any seemingly hard experience into one of play and light-heartedness. Life is meant to be celebrated, especially the experience of creating soul-based relationships.

Having your own soul-based loving relationship has already begun by considering these words and applying them where it resonates to you in your life. Just remember, soul-based living is a journey, not a destination. It is a way of life.

—

Special Limited Time Offer for Rori’s Community: Contact Jason Nelson to experience his one-on-one or couples coaching at a discounted rate. Call 310-929-5993 or email Info@JasonNelson.info for a complimentary consultation and receive Jason’s Soul-Based Living Starter Kit. Jason Nelson is a Spiritual Life Coach helping clients internationally connect with their peace, power and purpose. If you would like to learn more about how to live from the nature of your soul visit www.JasonNelson.info.

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

782 Comments to “What Is A Soul-Based Relationship And How Do I Have One? An Interview With Jason Nelson”

1: LoveAlways says:

Good article

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:06am
2: LoveAlways says:

Just broke up with HScd. He wants to be with his ex. I have my boundaries. Must focus on me

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:07am
3: LoveAlways says:

Time to reflect and heal again

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:08am
4: LoveAlways says:

I spoke my feelings and held my boundaries. Kept it real for me. I feel numb but numb feels freeing right now

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:14am
5: Daria says:

((((LoveAlways))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:20am
6: Tam says:

(((love always))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:24am
7: Daria says:

/Im feeling something like ‘depression’ but its not no feeling… its like “big sadness’

i love my big sadness. it feels like grief in my heart and it feels ocean huge

its like ‘loneliness’

i havent been around close to people other than mom or getitng massages or hugs from men that much

maybe its related

maybe im missing stuff in my diet tho its been so natural

seaweed seemed to help

maybe its not walking, i love walking

i will go out soon

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:31am
8: Calypso says:

Wow – reading this, esp the different words for Soul based vs ego Based relationships is like reading about the difference between the relationship I am building with JC and the one I had with GM. GM is the dark and brooding soul – so romantic to think of “saving” him, of being “the one” for him, but such a toxic relationship for me – nothing in it for me but pain, pain, pain . . . addicyed to the pain.

What i am feeling now with JC is Hope and Joy. I’m starting to trust that it might be real. He just asked me to go out of town with him again this weekend. Heck yea – let’s go!

I have not posted anythign about this on FB – not changed my relationship status or posted pics of me and JC – to do that would be to invite a reaction from GM. I KNOW he would poke and prod and try to see if he can get my attention back and i am not emotionally ready for that yet. I want to protect myself from him while I learn what it feels like to be in a loving relationship with JC. I don’t trust myself completely yet – I’m afraid I would run back to the pain for a quick fix if given the opportunity. :/

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:34am
9: Daria says:

last nite my mom was talking about how she misses my dad

but as soon as she saw him she started with the questioning, innocent q thing

first it was i think to defend me cuz he said something about my pants but it didn’t trigger me actaully whcih i feel surprised about

the thing is i felt so triggered with how she would talk and it just seemed like he so wanted to please her and then she’d just be like ‘oh its not good enough’ and i just felt SO MUCH PAIN In My HEART for my dad

and i wonder if thats where i got that compassion for men or is ti from my dad’s family

and also i thought about it and maybe he’s attracted to a woman who treats him badly like this

and also thought and realized maybe its a man’s responsibility to point out disrespect not just tolerate it

and i felt soooo sad and cried and cried to myself and i feel STUCK because i don’t know how to express myself in these situations it HURTS so much and i get the thought that its none of my business to interfere in someone else’s relationship

and i imagined that eventualy it will wear on him and then he will snap and then they will be arguing again and again againa ganagaingaignaga
and

i can’t tolerate it and i feel so so so sso sos oso sososo sosos sos ososososososoososososoossoosososososososo

sad and im crying right now too

and this must be from inside me and i want to heal it and i feel soooo sad

and i dont feel safe showing it or talking about it with them cuz i dont know how to not make them wrong

crying crying

i dint know why god is punishing me like this or giving me life like this i feel soooo in pain i cant handle this pain so im shut down and noticing am shutting mom out a bit and i know thats bound to lead to a conflict iwht us and i feel sad about it

silent wail

crying hot tears and feeling hopeless

only escapig out will feel good and

want to immediately get acoustic cover for door as sound travels right to me and i wake up in mrooning feeling very bad from the pain triggered hearing their voices when they’re anxious i noticed

im crying and crying and if i was to believe myeslf i guess this is healing even tho i dont see ‘the end’ of it

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:40am
10: Daria says:

it would feel great to have my own private place to heal and live maybe the acoustic foam can give me some of that

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:40am
11: Daria says:

i feel triggered when people diss ‘the ego’ like it’s ‘bad’ ugh that triggers me mucho

i love my ego my uniqueness my self

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:41am
12: Daria says:

maybe i judge my ego

like part of me is all “how can one be happy when others are unhappy” or “when one is unhappy, the whole can’t be happy” that i read and that makes so much sense to me

and then other people i interpret as saying YOU be happy and then it will help everybody and im confused like how can i be happy when others arent happy duh and then i feel not got too and hopeless and mad

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:48am
13: Daria says:

:: WordWatch: My ::

Possessiveness is rooted in scarcity thinking, which
undermines the natural tendency to expand joy through
sharing.

We inadvertently teach our children scarcity thinking
by overusing possessive words like my/mine, yours,
Daddy’s, sister’s, etc. There’s nothing inherently
wrong with these words, but questioning their use can
help us shift into abundance thinking.

For example, imagine asking your child, “Do you want a
bite of my apple?” Is the word “my” really needed? Why
not simply call it “this” apple?

When ownership is emphasized, it sends a subtle
message: “I have control over this.” It alters the
child’s perception of the owned object, making it seem
like a source of power. “Your” apple is more likely to
become the object of a power struggle.

Today, try to notice whenever you use possessive
words, and ask yourself if they make you feel lacking
or abundant — like a competitor (“that’s MY chair”)
or a partner (“put your hand in mine”).

http://dailygroove.net/my

***
daria says

this feels exciting to me to see how it can also be partnership

ego to ego put your hand in mine

these are my boundaries those are yours

what can we do with them tohether

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:51am
14: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Daria. That wordwatch article is very thought provoking. I have been so triggered around the my/mine paradigm in my family dynamics to the point of choosing isolation rather than dealing with the triggers.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 9:46am
15: Femininewoman says:

I have seen this in CCarter writing and now here it is again in Lisa Harris’s

“Here is the golden secret – In order to be understood, you have to first understand. In other words, you have to show your man that you understand his situation first, before you expect him to understand yours. When you give it, you always get it back ten folds. “

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 9:54am
16: Iamabutterfly says:

@9 Daria – I felt so moved reading that. (((((Daria)))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 9:59am
17: Iamabutterfly says:

“There has been so much I haven’t said over the years with a few different men for fear that those would be the words that would drive them away. And yet they left anyway. They left in the absence of my words, in the absence of my gentle unfolding before them.”

Excerpt from http://or-so-i-feel.blogspot.com.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:00am
18: Iamabutterfly says:

“So say yes. To coffee in the morning. Or tea. When he asks you for a second time, after you’ve already said no, you should be getting home, please just say yes. It may amount to nothing. It may be just what it is, a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. Or it may be the beginning of everything. Say yes to the shower offered. Say yes to a man’s fumbling attempt at kindness. Say yes to saying what you’re afraid to say. Say yes to being bold and appearing uncool and revealing just how deep you’re in it. Say yes to the full power of your femininity–to the full extent with which you’re capable of love. Let him pull you in close and nestle in the slope of his neck. Kiss him that second time even if he’s already late and rushing out that door. Make him a little bit later. Say yes to what is so damn pregnant with potential that it utterly terrifies you. Say yes to anything that might count as experience or adventure–even if the adventure at hand is navigating the long, grueling road of heartbreak. Say yes to letting the guy help you get the dresser in the apartment–self-suffiencieny don’t make you more of a woman and it doesn’t protect you from the good, the bad, the ugly. Accept love when you want to accept it, accept help when you can, and accept that it’ll be the second photo–the one you didn’t plan for–that’ll give a certain shape and meaning to everything that comes after.”

Also taken from:

http://or-so-i-feel.blogspot.com

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:05am
19: Iamabutterfly says:

^ I have never felt so connected and understood by a complete stranger before. Hope the above excerpts will move others as they have moved me.

I have a total girl crush on this blogger now!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:07am
20: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel deep sorrow for all of the times I have said no, for all of the times I have let fear rule me, rather than love and courage, for all of the times I was afraid to listen to my gut, my instinct, for all the times I was too insecure to trust what I KNEW was true…

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:13am
21: Tam says:

20..lama..I love all what you have posted, and I also feel similarly but deep within me – I forgive myself. And with regards to a relationship or a particular man, I know it wouldn’t have made any difference had he been the right man for me.
So all these flowery things and all the saying ‘yes’ is all well and good – but sometimes, it is what it is.
And it’s not our fault for being scared or afraid and for saying ‘no’ for when we feel that way.
I simply refuse to take the ‘blame’ from myself anymore.
I am perfectly me.
I can improve and I am open to that, but I am no longer beating myself up for imperfections.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:18am
22: Tam says:

Strangely also, the saying ‘yes’ too much, the giving of the benefit of the doubt, has many times been my downfall, with the wrong man, believe it or not.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:20am
23: Christine says:

Great advice and insight. I think a soul based relationship is what I’m looking for too, but I just need to find a man that I actually want to have such a relationship with first. That’s the hard part!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:26am
24: Iamabutterfly says:

@21 &22 Tam – awww, Tam. I love it. I love the appreciation for the idea, the forgiveness towards yourself, and I love the fresh perspective. Thank you!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:34am
25: MissStix says:

Daria 13

I love this! thank you for sharing this.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:41am
26: MissStix says:

This article hit me at exactly the right time.

I can see clearly where I have been subconsciously attempting to be half of a soul based relationship (didn’t know this term). But I am not hitting the nail on the head and I may be denting the wood a bit. Yes…I feel a little bit of desperation to be exactly what I need to be, or what I believe I need to be within my relationship to feel secure within myself. I get plenty of security from G, but where I feel the lack is within me. Yes, my self esteem is pretty much unshakable now. I can go a whole day crying and feeling pitiful and come out of it feeling envigorated and happy. Cleansed. I feel a lack of something…Oh yes I DO feel a fear. I feel a fear that I won’t be able to hold onto exactly who I am and what i’m doing. I feel a fear that I will somehow “revert” into my old self. And it’s strange because this doesn’t feel afraid to lose the man. This feels afraid to lose myself. I feel more like myself right now than I ever have. I don’t want to lose this. hmmm it feels a bit silly. But, ok. I suppose with anything “good” and “new” there will be some shakiness. Some fear of having it slip away. There will be some moments at 530am where I say something I am conditioned to say. Ohhhhhhh YES! It was not “instinct” to say that. It is conditioning. I felt sad like…How can my instinct betray me like that? It didn’t. Conditioning is not instinct. It is the opposite. It is the reversal, the painting over, the stuffing down, the altering of instinct.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:50am
27: Tam says:

lama

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:56am
28: MissStix says:

OK time to be straight up honest with myself.

I still hang onto these Ego based relationship qualities:

Conditions
Control
Impatience

Conditions. What conditions (my own conditions) can I release? I can release the condition….Sh1t. I can’t think of any? Maybe I have no “conditions” maybe my only condition is that I believe there must be some kind of condition! But I can’t really see any specific conditions I actually have… OK OK I see it. The condition I retain is this: To be my parter you must be capable of relying on yourself because, after my marriage I am not comfortable with being relied upon. I can not release this entirely…I feel stuck now. I can shrink this condition. I can shrink it down: To be my partner you must have the desire to be self reliant. If circumstances occur out of our control I can release this. The desire must be there. I now see another way I can release this. It simply IS already there in G. I know it’s there. So I no longer need to hang onto this at all. It already is. ahhhh yes. Released. To be my partner he must be exactly who he is

Control. I was clinging to my control over aspects of our relationship yesterday. I believe I have already released this. To be happy and comfy in this relationship I need to have control over exactly NOTHING. ahhhh feeling zen on that one.

Impatience. I can see clearly that I feel impatient at many things. Sometimes I feel SO URGENT. Nothing specific…Just random things that come up. I have already been making a concerted effort to change my reflection of this from “I need to ____” to “I feel urgent to____”. I believe I can not release these feelings entirely. I have zero control over them. But when they come up I can continue to say “I feel urges” or “I feel urgent to”. This can help calm the urgent feeling, and reduce it to a curiosity feeling. A focus on me and the feeling rather than the occurance/non-occurance and the impatience. Then I can say…hmmm Why does this feel so urgey?

Yes.

Thank you Jason Nelson!! What a fantastic start to my day.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:07am
29: T-Girl says:

Powerful article! I love it as it confirms that I am in a soul based relationship whereas my marriage was ego based.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:08am
30: LoveAlways says:

Thanks Daria & Tam

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:19am
31: LoveAlways says:

Taking this painful day moment by moment, embracing myself.
I feel like I might disappear
I feel weepy and weak
I’m going to take these feelings with me
And feel them with everything else
I am an emotional feeling ball of self consuming fire
And I feel the pain of the burn of sadness and relief
I feel lost and defeated
And I feel strong inside
Funny, I understood the feeling of strong inside until today
I don’t know if I did the right thing or made a huge mistake
But I am going to lean back and be surprised because I can’t control anyone but myself
And while this all feels so hurting it also feels right for me right now

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:27am
32: MissStix says:

(((lovealways)))

You do sound strong on the inside.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:30am
33: LoveAlways says:

I was open and spoke my feelings
And I acted on my feelings
Right now I feel like I could blow away piece by piece
Into the wind and scatter apart
I don’t feel solid
I feel blind and like crying because I lost my way home
I feel a little safe
I feel on my own
Forced out

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:31am
34: LoveAlways says:

I feel dishonored
I feel ugly inside for being at odds against another woman
I feel embarrassed like I should stay home in shame for being chosen over
I feel like I lost
This feels awful and I want to scrub it off my skin and singe it out of my heart
I feel jealous
Ong I feel so ugly for feeling this
I feel stupid for not understanding I was in this type of competition
I feel broken like I fell off my high level and shattered onto a floor of catty ways

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:37am
35: LoveAlways says:

Thanks miss stix. I’m a feeling mess right now

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:40am
36: Calypso says:

LoveAlways – You are being so strong and so good to yourself right now – you honored yourself by removing your heart from a bad situation.

Feel what you are feeling, but he is the one who should be ashamed.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:41am
37: Tam says:

Love Always, I want to hug you and make you a hot cup of cocoa and say everything will be fine.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:45am
38: LoveAlways says:

Omg how long will it take to heal this??!!!
I feel crazy
I can’t think clear
I feel like I am in a bubble crouching and hiding my face from the world around me and this makes me feel lonely because I am closed down and closed off
My heart is breaking
Breaking heart feels like it’s squeezing and I cant breath and the blood is not moving
Like the blood is clogged in a thick lump in the middle of my breast getting bigger and throbbing in pain to burst and flow to my brain like poison
This love is poison

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:47am
39: MissStix says:

Lovealways

I know that feeling too well “I don’t feel solid” resonates with me especially. I remember many times I felt like “mist”.

Where you look strong is in the allowing of freedom to these feelings. You are strong on the inside, soft on the outside and beautiful.

((((you))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:47am
40: LoveAlways says:

I feel so dumb for being in this situation
I feel like screaming at myself in the mirror for opening up and being vulnerable to be picked over like old fruit
I feel stupid for not being smart enough to avoid.
OMG she is calling me. I feel triggered.
Stay grounded
Stay grounded

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:54am
41: Tam says:

calling you? yikes.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:55am
42: LoveAlways says:

Thank you tam & calypso

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:56am
43: Calypso says:

I feel like I manifested GM by talking about him this morning . . . i just logged onto FB and there was a picture of him – big as life! All 6’6″ lean muscle, shaved head & mirrored sunglasses of him – damn it!!! The pic was posted by a mutual “friend”, which is actuallyt he bar that our friend owns where we used to hang out all the time. It looks like home to me . . . my poor confused heart soared when I saw him, but then I logged off. I can’t do that to myself or to JC – we are just starting to share feelings and experiences and I will not ruin it with man-crack!

I feel like I need to go run around the building 3 times or something . . . anything to clear my head and get me to NOT log back onto FB amd stare at the new pic of GM. Hell Fire – I have a hundred pics of him on my phone already – I don’t need a new one . . .

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:57am
44: Calypso says:

LoveAlways – The X is calling you??? What the F for? Yikes!!!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:58am
45: Femininewoman says:

RE 37 LoveAlways I feel you. Recently I was feeling dead inside. Feeling like I was walking around with a dead child in my womb. Yesterday morning I woke up realizing that I was dreaming of a lot of vomit. Constant and plenteous vomit. I woke up feeling nauseated.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:58am
46: Femininewoman says:

LoveAlways I believe you are in a place where LilyBelly was not too long ago. Last time I read her posts she now seems to be in a happy place.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:01pm
47: LoveAlways says:

Yes, she’s called me before.
I don’t want to deal with this
It makes me feel shakey
I feel like going back in time and avoiding all the love and good times so I don’t have to sit here and experience this moment or situation
I feel attacked when im vulnerable
I feel low for not protecting myself from this

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:01pm
48: Tam says:

Somebody just contacted me on a dating website. I stated that I would like to be married and am looking for a relationship.
The guy says he is married but in a loving open marriage and they both see other people.
I feel angry. Why contact me? Can’t he read?
Urgh.
Vomit.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:02pm
49: Tam says:

FW, ha, I had not even read your vomity post..seems we are in a similar place..hehe..I feel giggly now.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:03pm
50: Calypso says:

Tam – he probably didn’t bother to read your profile – he just liked the way you looked! Take the compliment, block him and move on ~

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:04pm
51: Calypso says:

LoveAlways – Wow. be good to yourself and do not take her call. I’m shaking for you, just thinking about it! I wonder if he told her about the breakup and she is calling to confirm? Yuck! let her wonder and again, shame on him! He should be protecting you from that additional hurt – geeezzzzz……

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:06pm
52: LoveAlways says:

Thanks FW – I need to feel myself forward from this day.
Calypso – she has been manipulating her way to get back with him for a while and feels I am a threat to that

This moment feels rotten in my chest like steaming burning acid

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:07pm
53: Tam says:

Actually, much less than vomiting, which would get it all out of my system, I am actually regurgitating…like a cow chewing old grass from one of its stomachs..again and again. Swallowing it and then it re-appears as it is not properly digested.
I am so sick and tired of it.
I just want to shut off my brain for a while.It works for a bit and then I see a trigger, like a boat (and it is full of boats here) and I am back to square 1.
Ok…whatever.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:10pm
54: Calypso says:

LoveAlways – do you have a girlfriend in your town who can help you through this? If i lived near you, I’d bring over a bottle of booze, get you drunk, talk bad about her and help you find things to laugh your a$$ off about . . . that’s how we do it where I’m from – lol. PJ’s and tequila ~ works every time!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:11pm
55: LoveAlways says:

I feel my heart is my enemy because he is in it
He is here but we parted because I keep crying when I see him or talk to him
This is my day from hell and it is long, slow and painful twisting me out of shape mind and soul
I had a horrible holiday and I can’t stand hurting
Omg I wish he wasn’t here but I could not change the arrangements

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:11pm
56: Tam says:

Calypso lol, thank you.
It does get wearing…

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:12pm
57: Calypso says:

Tam – lol – that is just the burden you carry when you are such a Siren ~

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:15pm
58: LoveAlways says:

I’m going to drink once I get seated so I can sleep for the trip. Calypso, I am alone because he and I were traveling together. Almost time to board.
Sirens, send me strength and blessings and healing
I feel nuts

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:15pm
59: Starla says:

i’m scared to screw up this task at work so i’m procrastinating on it

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:17pm
60: Calypso says:

Love Always – He is there? As in Right there? Same house you are in? Wow . . . right now? Have him step up to the screen – I want to smack him upside the head for you . . .

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:17pm
61: Rori Raye says:

Christine, Welcome, and I deleted your last name for your privacy….read around here, learn to Circular Date – THAT’S the answer…Love, Rori

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:18pm
62: Calypso says:

LoveAlways – Ok, I understand now – that sucks. I hate crying on a trip – are you getting on a plane? Flight attendant will have her hands full – lol.

Safe travels ~

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:19pm
63: LoveAlways says:

Calypso. We are traveling. I can’t even look at him

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:20pm
64: Calypso says:

((((LoveAlways))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:27pm
65: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((((((LoveAlways))))))))))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:30pm
66: April Rose says:

Iamambutterfly, Tam

“Say yes to what is so damn pregnant with potential that it utterly terrifies you.”

I did not do this. With WM. I was too afraid. I blew it.

I feel shattered somewhere down deep in my soul.
Today he told me he got off my horse months ago.

What has come to me since the conversation is Tam’s words from the last thread – HE”S NOT THAT INTO YOU. I see clearly now. Thank you Tam.

I feel sick.

He was not that into me for the last three years. yet he stuck around. I had damaged the relationship by constantly undermining him.

But he did not say “I’m not into you” and leave.

He waited til another woman took his fancy.

Story repeated. He stayed with his wife (who he wasn’t that into) until he met me.

Karma?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:36pm
67: April Rose says:

((((LoveAlways))))
I feel you, sweetheart

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:37pm
68: Iamabutterfly says:

@66 Tam – maybe it’s not his wife, you, or this “new girl.” maybe it’s him. maybe he’s just not that into himself. he can’t commit to himself, so how could he ever commit to a woman?

(((((Tam)))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:40pm
69: Iamabutterfly says:

woops, I meant @66 April Rose.

((((((((((((April Rose))))))))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:41pm
70: Iamabutterfly says:

but you get a hug too, Tam. <3

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:41pm
71: Starla says:

(((((((April Rose)))))))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:42pm
72: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I don’t think it is Karma. I believe he is playing the program of his life. You were available to assist him 3 years ago. Now you know what the world has available for you.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:57pm
73: Femininewoman says:

“Today he told me he got off my horse months ago.”

What else could he have said to save face?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:58pm
74: Iamabutterfly says:

((((((((((Lovealways))))))))))))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 12:59pm
75: April Rose says:

Thank you Femininewoman and Iamabutterfly for your insights.

How can I forgive myself?

If I had known siren ways when I met him, I would have known how to keep his feelings of attraction flowing.

Then again, If I had known siren ways, I would not have become exclusive until I knew what kind of man he was and if I wanted that kind of man.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:11pm
76: Calypso says:

I just ready my horoscope love compatibility for myself and JC and it made me LOL . . . it was so right on! I am a Pisces and he is a Scorpio. The article gave advice on how he could attract me, saying that a Pisces woman’s 8 favoprite words are: “Why don’t you let me worry about that?” Soooo True! I can tell he is itching to “Take care” of me and I’ll tell you what – he can go right ahead – please do! It’s about damn time someone take care of me ~

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:12pm
77: April Rose says:

Starla,
Thank you for the hug. It means a lot.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:12pm
78: MS says:

Has anyone here ended a relationship without talking properly about it at the time and subsequently written a letter to express what you were going through and why you decided to leave the relationship? I am feeling torn, like there are things I didn’t get a chance to say which are acknowledging what was good but also what made me feel it was impossible for me to carry on being in limbo. If I had known more about how to use feeling messages through the course of the relationship this probably would not be something I feel compelled to do, as it is I am a caring person and he is sensitive and I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me but was getting so self-absorbed I was feeling neglected. He has written apologising for his behaviour but is not in a good place within himself to be in a relationship. I have written something but haven’t sent it because any contact has the potential to create expectation or worry about a response and I am just beginning to get back to myself and don’t really want to get pulled into his negative thoughts about himself. He is not pursuing and I am not chasing, but I wonder if creating more understanding after the event is good for the soul, even if its too late for the relationship? I know this sounds like a no-brainer – do nothing for him and focus on me is what most of you will probably say, but like I said I’m torn so interested in anyone else’s experience.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:19pm
79: Calypso says:

MS – It sounds like you are looking for “Closure” and I’ve learned that you really don’t need it – it will not serve you . . . keep riding your hirse forward.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:22pm
80: bloom-ing says:

(((((((((AprilRose)))))))))) it sounds to me like he is giving you a gift…. i feel curious if you can allow yourself to feel that maybe not only is he “doing what he wants” but maybe also “doing what YOU want” ? gosh, how free-feeling, i’m imagining…. all that guilt & tethering – gone – & now you are just You : ))) & i feel like the “net” lifted… hehe i feel giggly imagining you rising up out of the ocean, like the little mermaid’s mother, the Goddess, the energy…. hehe… maybe google “ponyo’s mother” lol & you can see how large & amazing she looks when she finally appears in the film : ))) oh my heart is fluttering : )

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:24pm
81: Calypso says:

Ms – to answer your question – yes. I did go back several; times and try to explain myself to my ex-husband. It was pointless and only served to feed his desire to argue and debate the situation – I will never do that again – I don’t recommend it at all. Once you start, it is hard to stop explaining . . . it’s over – ride on.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:26pm
82: Tam says:

(((April Rose)))
I feel sad for you.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:29pm
83: Tam says:

I just had a little cry in the gym.
I was debating with myself, if I wasn’t better off going back to my old ‘teflon’ and numb ways.
I just feel stabs all the time now.
My father scanned the letter they so ‘kindly’ opened instead of forwarding it to me….just with a
‘as discussed’ – as if I was some pesky business person. He forgot the ‘your sincerely’.
I am angry. Angry as to why I need to interpret this as ‘love’, because if I didn’t, then where would I be?
Angry because I feel that I deserve more.
Maybe even a ‘how are you?’, ‘is everything ok?’.
But anyway.
It makes me realise that I see a scrap of love and think ‘hallelujah’.
I never used to be like this, why now at 36?
I don’t think it serves me to stay open to ‘these people’, that can and won’t express or show their love to me, whether they are family or MrP’s or whatever else – even if they love me.
I am sick and tired of searching embers and digging deep. I have some very close friends, that are always there when I need them and vice versa, that CAN communicate their feelings with me – and who always have my back and me theirs.
I am exhausted to stay open for pain, pain and pain again.
I want to go back into my tortoise shell.
I am sick and tired of this.
Really.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:35pm
84: Miss Bells says:

So far–so good.
I am back at MY house taking some ME time.
I got sick at HS’s and he took care of me…
But it was time to go home. I have his PC to do some work that needs a windows format. He is supposed to call and get it back when he needs it.

For a long time he would travel without me–Yesterday he asked if I would watch the house/business while he goes off traveling this winter. I said wahhhh–why won’t you travel with meeeee????
He said he would–I can only go for 10 days, someplace warm and wonderful. He can stay 3 weeks. so I will go for the first 10–then fly home and mind the store.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:38pm
85: bloom-ing says:

noticed a really interesting article linked on susie & otto collins’ facebook; reminded me of this discussion:

“Bypass the Hazards of a Soulmate Relationship”

http://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-advice/soulmaterelationship.htm#

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:41pm
86: Femininewoman says:

MS what you are saying makes a lot of sense and it is the way most of us women operate. But this is a man. They are different. I am even tempted to say this is the intuitive thing to do. But remember what works is *counterintuitive*.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:45pm
87: April Rose says:

Oh I feel angry.

All those years of not feeling enough.

And, oh yes I feel freed.

I feel a depth of absorbing what you said, bloom-ing: all that guilt and tethering – gone – and now i am just Me.

Something that felt stifling is now lifted,

and i feel as if i am dove whose cage door is wide open…. where will i go…..?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:47pm
88: Femininewoman says:

Calypso men are logical. Sometimes I believe they can’t help themselves. He had to pick your logic apart. So why go down the logical road/path?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:47pm
89: Femininewoman says:

April Rose that is freedom. Rori wrote an article about that.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:48pm
90: Femininewoman says:

6. I choose “My Best Option.”

Let’s call it “My Best Option: Opting For Freedom – Whatever THAT looks like.”

This is where courage is the key ingredient in the recipe. Just a little. Not a whole lot. You can shake while you’re “opting for freedom.”

The terror/excitement can make your stomach feel like a fruit fly farm or a home for wild jumping beans – AND you can still step off the cliff of everything you know that’s led you to where you are and just see what happens next.

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/the-terror-of-freedom/

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:51pm
91: Calypso says:

88 – FW – exactly! It was a bad move on my part and it took me forever to make it stop. I learned my lesson. No explaining.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 1:53pm
92: turquoise says:

Fw said….. But remember what works is *counterintuitive*.

You wrote that to me before too…. I don’t get it. Can you please expand? Thank you.

((((April Rose))))

Today is 3 years since I lost my sister to breast cancer. I feel sad, and irritated with all the pink ribbon stuff this month. All this awareness and money raised, and still no cure.

I wrote a post on FB about it and left it with I know she’d want us to be more than happy. She’d want us to thrive. So to be amazing today, for those who aren’t here.

Mr. C. commented, You’re amazing everyday.

Aww…. ((((Mr. C.)))) thank you. I’m not used to men who say stuff like that to me in a public forum. Felt eyes brighten up and heart squeezed reading it.

Going to my moms for dinner with my sisters and sister in law. Will feel comforting to be with family tonight.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 2:05pm
93: MS says:

Thanks Calypso and Femininewoman – I will keep in mind ‘counterintuitive’ communication with men! The ‘Terror of freedom’ blog was so helpful too. Time to move on, that is the best thing for my soul.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 2:09pm
94: Femininewoman says:

Counterintuitive means contrary to what seems intuitively right or correct. A counterintuitive proposition is one that does not seem likely to be true when assessed using intuition or gut feelings.

Ex: when a man withdraws we intuitively try to find out what’s wrong, draw closer to him to close the gap and do what intuitively is right to reconnect.

Counterintuitive is stepping back. leaning back leaning away when he pulls away.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 2:27pm
95: Calypso says:

I still need so much work when it comes to letting a man give to me. I’m so not used to it that I feel awkward, even though I want to be cared for and given gifts.

JC is taking me to Nashville tomorrow and we are spending the night. i have no problem letting him pay for everything – gas, hotel, meals, etc., but when he offers to BUY me something, i feel awkward. I feel like I should immediately say, No Thank You . . . :/ How do I learn to relax about this? He is wealthy and I am always broke due to high medical bills for my son. he can afford to buy me things and I like it when he gives me a gift, but when he just asks if I want him to buy me something, like a pair of shoes, i sort of freak out.

So now he is texting me that he wants to take me shopping at Victoria Secret for a new nightie when we are in the city tomorrow. I’m not stupid – I know that is more for him, so I am practicing being receptive. “Oh JC . . . shopping for something sexy with my man makes me feel so hot” . . . “I’m such a lucky girl”. . .

I have to figure out how to make this easier for myself – he wants to take care of me and I could use some taking care of . . .

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 2:38pm
96: Femininewoman says:

Counterintuitive – when a man is wrong and he is sticking to his position, agree with him

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 2:40pm
97: Femininewoman says:

Calypso I feel so shaky reading “my man”. I prefer them to own me

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 2:43pm
98: Calypso says:

Counterintuitive – You think giving up everything you like to do and making more time for your man will keep him interested in you, when actually it is the opposite – a man is more attracted to a woman her keeps her sense of “self” and continues to do things with her friends and has a full life outside of the relationship.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 2:46pm
99: Calypso says:

FW – lol. I guess we own each other? He likes to call himself “My Man”, “Your Man” . . . he asks me all the time, “Who’s your man?” . . . he is very much the male in the relationship – my boy energy goes Poof when I am near him.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 2:48pm
100: MissStix says:

hmmm I don’t like “my man” either…I say “the man” lol “me and the man” “the man and I”.

We have a little running joke too, and he keeps doing it because he thinks it bugs me, but the truth is I kind of pretend it bugs me so he keeps doing it When I forget to do something, for example, he’ll have already done it. I’ll say “dam, I forgot that!” and he’ll say “don’t you worry, daddy’s got you.” and i’ll roll my eyes and say “oh my gawd, I already have a daddy” and stick my tongue out or something. This feels fun!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 2:57pm
101: Siren Angel says:

I have a question for anyone who could give some input.

M has told me in one of our last interactions (he has been sharing his feelings a lot more) that he felt ‘upset, busy, and sad’.

I felt curious and completely misinterpreted this ‘upset, busy and sad’.

He said later that he feels that way when he spends the weekends he has the kids alone with them.

Because the kids don’t want me around so much but that he realizes he wants to stay with me in a committed relationship, but without the kids, at least for a while. He is upset and sad to have to leave the ‘dream of living with someone’ behind for now. He does not see the possibility of fixing the issue with the kids until custody is over in several months. He was upset because the kids, that I haven’t seen in 2 months, are speaking even MORE about me in negative ways and he doesnt know how to deal with this EMOTIONALLY.

He said he is considering consulting a therapist.

I have NO idea how to deal with this in a Rori Siren way…

What can I do/say??? It makes it all about HIS feelings and I see the trap in overfunctioning or mothering.

Also, it has come clear to me that:

1- the kids must be ‘fed’ negative things about me, because after 2 months of not seeing me they should have dropped it and forgotten about it – certainly not talking MORE about it and making nasty comments.
2- I am feeling afraid HE may have led them that path unconsciously.

Any insight/suggestions?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 3:01pm
102: Siren Angel says:

I am starting to feel put-off, turned-off, overwhelmed, despair at this situation.

Something turns me totally off and I wonder if it is his weaknesses showing and his inability to handle something.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 3:02pm
103: Iamabutterfly says:

“my boy energy goes Poof when I am near him.”

that has to be one of the best feelings in the world…!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 3:12pm
104: Goddess Lily says:

(((LoveAlways)))

(((April Rose)))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 3:23pm
105: April Rose says:

“…see how large & amazing she looks…”

Here she comes …:-)…..:-)…..:-)…..

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 3:42pm
106: Heart says:

429: Heart says: Also looking back on our earlier hang outs, I realized that reconfirmation wasn’t needed with CudG. Most of the times him asking and me agreeing was enough. Gosh, it just came across like I was disinterested or just plain weird. I feel like I sorta kinda stood him up a little… Omg and he had reserved a place in my area and everything. I don’t want to learn forward… but I want to show that I’m interested…I want to make up for acting badly.

My two friends are telling me that CudG thinks I’m not interested and thats why he isn’t contacting me…and that I should message him.
What do you think?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 3:57pm
107: Annie says:

Hugs Love Always

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 3:58pm
108: Annie says:

Ty Dominique.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:03pm
109: Heart says:

Siren Angel- can you two have a committed relationship without the kids involved?
It seems like the simple and obvious solution.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:04pm
110: LiliBee says:

102:

That’s how I feel too (((SA))). We’re not alone.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:08pm
111: Siren Angel says:

The simple and obvious solution would be to talk to the kids.

I believe he is that process but scared, thus those feelings.

He told me he has no intention of letting me go the other night.

He might be facing what he should/has to do. Or may feel incapable.

I feel alone.
He said he felt alone last weekend with the kids.

The thing is I really don’t know how to react/respond to this.

The kids called me a bully. If they only knew… My deepest and most painful trigger.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:30pm
112: Siren Angel says:

They called me a bully last weekend when he was alone with them.

He told me he said to the kids ‘hey, that’s not true and not respectful’.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:32pm
113: Siren Angel says:

I feel deeply sadened and hurt. I feel bullied. I feel they found that spot and are having a party making fun of me. Kids. Just kids. It felt like a dagger in my heart from smiling mocking kids I love.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:37pm
114: Siren Angel says:

Can we have a deeply loving committed relationship without the kids involved?

I fear this is our only way to have a deeply loving committed relationship right now.

It feels very adult and fun and bonded and intimate.

But I don’t know what to do about HIS feelings of sadness and hurt.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:40pm
115: Siren Angel says:

How do you respond to a man saying he feels sad?

I felt powerless. Knowing better than to try to fix it. Knowing better than to ask more about how he FEELS. I felt tied up and gagged.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:42pm
116: bloom-ing says:

siren angel, that would feel bad for me to hear.

hugs, lady (((siren angel)))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:53pm
117: Heart says:

Ps – could someone please give me advice a well…
I feel conflicted.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 4:56pm
118: Siren Angel says:

Bloom-ing,

I told him that felt bad to hear.
I told him also I felt sad and sorry.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 5:01pm
119: Siren Angel says:

I told him also I felt powerless.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 5:05pm
120: jean says:

siren angel: remember what rori says: its not about him or how he feels or what is going on in his life. its about YOU and how you feel when you are with him and when you are not with him. this sounds like its becoming all about him. yes, the children are involved, but if he wants to make you an important part of his life – he needs to let his children know #1 that you are an important part of his life and #2 that he will not allow/listen/accept any negative talk about you. the children need to have somone tell them what is and what is not acceptable and he is letting his guilt – over the divorce or custody – stand in the way of his committment to you. rori says that when a man makes it about himself(he feels sad, he feels alone) its that he either can’t grow up or wont’ grow up. when he talks like this, you need to get out your rori tapes(relationship or siren ones) and make YOU a priority in your life. take you out, have fun, find things to do. when he calls, you talk about how happy you felt to go out shopping, how silly the child made you feel, how alive you felt walking in the rain, how sleepy you feel lying with your kitty on your lap. you are not to be his comfort, his mom, his sister. does this help, does this help you to remember that you are the priority and you need to take care of you so you feel good and happy again?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 5:13pm
121: jean says:

siren angel: you are so deserving of being the priority of having a man who puts you first and how you feel hugs for you!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 5:14pm
122: Siren Angel says:

Jean,

Yes!
Thank you.
I do that.
I feel happy I didn’t try to mother or fix.
I am making it all about me. Funny enough, easier since he told me all this.

I asked him in the past if he felt guilty about the divorce and custody and the answer was always no. Obviously he is, but I don’t tell him that. He does need to grow on that part.
Maybe this challenging growth is what he needs to learn in his own process and timeline. But again, I have to keep the focus on me.
Thank you

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 5:28pm
123: Tam says:

Heart..I would lean back and then try again when he contacts you, but if you can contact him and not be invested in the outcome then just do it…just saying that after nearly three weeks of me being her, my mind is also telling me that I ‘stood up’ MrP by not turning up when he had already told me a few days before that this was taking place. Basically, I set him up for failure because I ‘knew’ that he would text me again on the night as he used to do that sometimes and I could prove to him, finally, that I was the prize and was staying put at home…..BUT in the end a man who wants us will contact again, will pick us up, will confirm dates etc.
So I won’t do anything, if he’s gone he’s gone and I say: ‘good riddance’
It’s really up to you, not your friends or him.
How do you feel?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 6:05pm
124: Tam says:

Being ;here’

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 6:06pm
125: Tam says:

I went out on a date with a new CD. I call him ‘InstantRelationship’. He was ready to call me his girlfriend. He asked me to not date other men ;if I liked him’. He took my hand after the dinner…and when he walked me back to my place he kissed me. And stuck his tongue in. EEEEEEKKKKKK…..no sorry, I don’t know what it is – he is a very attractive guy…and very fanciable. I just don’t feel good kissing other men. And there isn’t even a ‘the man’, so it’s not like I am ‘kissing other men’. I am just kissing men. And it feels awful.
I am not sure CDing is working in my favour. They all seem to want me so surely my tools are working enough. I get inundated with calls and texts and second meeting requests and now even an instant relationship offer.
And I just feel awful, nothing feels right or fun or even worth doing again.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 6:10pm
126: Tam says:

…the funny thing was, he kept saying ‘lets say you meet a guy called Tom (just to pick a name) tomorrow, and we have a date on Saturday, would you still go out with him?’
In the middle of this conversation, a text from Tom (the surfer dude is called Tom) comes in….how funny is that (I only saw later because I don’t check my phone when talking to someone).
Hilarious.
I could write a book.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 6:16pm
127: MissStix says:

Feeling a little guilty. I am leaned all the way back. Very very much enjoying my time at the condo. Feeling chill with the fire on and candles lit. I barely thought of him all day. Last night on the phone he told me to call him if I woke before he left for work. Sometimes i’m up by 6 but I wasn’t today, so I didn’t call. Didn’t text all day. I got a text a couple hours ago “Hey babes how are you? No text for me today ….” He went on to let me know him and roomie are having beer and pizza for football and asked if I wanted to come. Not really. Told him I felt lazy and would sit this one out…And he said “oh arrgh! Well…you will be missed! whatcha gonna do?” So I told him I was relaxin with the fire. Feelin chill and would probably do movies again. He called and I used the “goodnight talk” tool. The convo was nice. He ket me go so he could cook the pizza and said he’d call before bed.

so here I am feeling a little guilty for turning down his invite. But, I do know it was the right thing to do. I feel so mellow here and pizza and football with G and the boy does not sound like it would feel more fun than movies and wine and candles and fire and quiet! mmmm ok I am feeling more soothed.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 6:40pm
128: Lucy says:

Interesting article. Sadly, I can see that my last relationship fit the whole ego list way more than the soul one, even though that’s not what we wanted. My new relationship so far is much more of the soul list, and is actually more challenging because of that, in a strange way. I think the challenging part is because I feel “in love” yet have to keep letting go.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 6:44pm
129: MissStix says:

blog feels so quiet lately.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 6:44pm
130: MissStix says:

Maybe there is more to that feeling. More than just guilt it felt a little spacey. Like so much extra room. Not really used to that…I don’t really spend more than one night away from his place very often. Mm new feelings.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 6:49pm
131: Siren Angel says:

Heart,

Do you practice opening up your heart to him? Do you do the water-wheel exercise?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:11pm
132: Siren Angel says:

Heart,

When we realize we did not do something ‘perfectly’ (it can never be ‘perfect’) we start feeling guilty and that can put us in masculine energy, and then we want to lean forward and ‘fix’ it.

I would encourage you to lack but also focus on yourself WHILE keeping an open heart to him. It sounds easier than it is really. You want that energy to be happy smiley loving energy that you pour onto yourself but that he can TOUCH and FEEL when he comes close.

You can practise also by imagining the row boat where he is rowing and you are leaning back and he comes toward you, looking in your eyes, and you receive that look completely, and he leans forward and gives you candy and flowers (stuffed animals, jewely, whatever) and you receive that and smile). He leans forward and puts his hand on your heart and you let him.

The idea is to learn to receive and be open. To get comfortable with this. And to let it move you further together.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:17pm
133: Siren Angel says:

***I would encourage you to lean back…

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:18pm
134: Siren Angel says:

MissStix,

Loving that feminine energy. Movie, wine, candles, fire… wow. Yes, I would take that over beer and a game with the boys too!!!

You are doing great

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:21pm
135: Siren Angel says:

Sirens,

I feel surprised and a little curious… I am wondering if I have been found-out…

I got a text about an hour ago from M that said :

‘I feel neglected’

Whoa… All these new feeling messages from my man… Or is he trying communicating with me at my level? (psychologist will do that…)

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:24pm
136: Siren Angel says:

So we spoke on the phone and he asked me, again, why I don’t call him…

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:27pm
137: Siren Angel says:

Honestly, I enjoy not feeling stress about calling. It feels much better this way. I feel so calm and soothed with my warm Linden flowers tea. I feel so pretty and soft when I take care of me. I feel so divinely connected to everything when I do my Yoga. I feel my feminine energy growing and learning when I focus on myself and my Siren Sisters here.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:30pm
138: Femininewoman says:

Tam remember a man can smell when another man is sniffing around. That makes you even more valuable to a real man. It gets his masculine instinct in high gear.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:34pm
139: Femininewoman says:

MissStix I feel like joining you. Sounds so cozy and relaxed. Have me here thinking of you all curled up like a cat

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:42pm
140: MissStix says:

Thank you siren angel Yes, feeling very laid back feminine right now. I say laid back instead of leaned back because that’s what I am. Draped over the sofa soaking in the luxury. mmmm I feel kind of magnificent.

M is probably just gowing with your form of communication. A way to help you feel at ease I believe. We can respond with curiosity but refrain from “giving into” that. As long as he knows you love to hear from him he can do the calling and be ok with that. He may also be feeling a little needy for affection and affirmation as I know he is going through some rough stuff. “You know I just love to hear from you baby…I feel so cherished and I appreciate it when you take the lead and do the calling…” might be enough to soothe him without taking care of him.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:43pm
141: MissStix says:

This home is good for my soul. I feel so coccooned here.

I love the feminine vibe on the blog in this moment too. SA with her tea and pretty softness. Me with my wine and firelight. Cozy cat vibes like you said FW. yum.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 7:49pm
142: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Hello sirens! Been awhile, seems I have been in too many crisis’ in the last 8 weeks or so. I have missed you all and realized I try not to write here when I feel so down but also remembering that you have been there before to listen. Sirens I need advice but this is advice about something quite different than my love life which is non existant by the way. Anyways ok so try to shorten situation but so you know what I am asking. My dad had a brain aneurism is how the snowball effect started and he lived thank god had surgery coiled it off but then a week later had a TIA more or less a mini stroke then they also found a smaller one that is too small to coil so they watching it. Ok, so that was and is pretty intense right? Well a week of dad being out of the hospital i asked my sister to take my mom to the hospital as I was on my way to work well I met them there and the doctor comes in and says they are going to admit her that she has a mass the size of a baby’s head on her right ovary it is a cyst looks fluid filled but an area that is cancer questionable. Ok so at this point i am freaking we just lost my grandma and grandpa to cancer not long ago and that “C” word is like nails on a chalkboard. I tried to be calm as so did my dad and sister when inside I knew we were all scared out of our minds. Well turns out the area was ovarian cancer and they were going to do a scan to make sure it was nowhere else. Did a complete hysterectomy and took some lymphnodes. Thank god the scan was clean deep breath but mom still has to undergo chemo and still needs treatment for the cancer. So I am freaking out but trying to stay strong and keep it together for my mom, my kids and rest of us. Not working out too well, I have been in and out of depression and very stubborn at the moment. Angry this angry stage has not left me yet, just want to know what my family did to deserve this much less Cancer!! My mom has no insurance again freakking out but ok so now lets deal wsith it AmazingMe. American Cancer Society surely helps people like her that cannot afford chemo with no insurance….laughing sarcastically!…Nope they do not And in less than 6 weeks the oncologist at the hospital told her she needs to start it. Ok so brings me to my question in this mess! Sirens where in the BLEEPPPP do I go for help.!! I wont let my mom have treatment delayed as we know cancer doesnt wait for anyone! I am not asking for anything but advice, dealing with this stuff, resources who do I call? I been doing research but would be nice to get some insight and maybe I am not reaching out to all my resources if there are some i know nothing about. Please any advice with this what can I do? If anything how do I stay sane in this, one of the hardest things to do is not give up right now. I wont let my family down, my mom will get what she needs just need some insight from you sirens. Sorry so long thank you for listening if you still are. XOXO

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:03pm
143: Linda says:

Sadly my last relationship lines up all in the Ego-Based Relationship. Mostly due to the play rules he operated with during our time together. Experiencing the “Dont wants” makes clear what “I do want”.

Like I said in the last thread, I am feeling reflective. I want get be straight with myself.I want to be settled in me and be strong and comfortable in being ME…and speaking ME… The longer I am without anyone in my life my thoughts are more centered in a peaceful place and not on any drama.

It is easy to be in this place without anyone that interests me or to date. I want to feel that ease when I do.

Last weekend I got stood up for a meet and greet and I got no response to email I sent him. pfff

I have a meet and greet tomorrow nite for drinks with a man that I have felt very comfortable talking to on the phone. It does not feel like he is that interested in a relationship… talking and meeting has not been a priority for him… He intiated it, talked about it every time he contacted me but did not actually set up doing it… we will see if it actually happens. His vibe feels passive and uninterested in a relationship really… but I would like to meet him though.

I have also had a different man really pursuing conversation and wanting to meeting me. He texts me, calls, has been a good listener, shows interest in my feelings… even asks me questions. Has planned a date for Saturday, which I changed a bit due to my comfort levels…(he was appreciative that I spoke up yeah me!)…so we will see how that goes. He certainly is doing things right, but I have a feeling that I am not going to be physically attracted to him. The vibe he gives off feels yawnie to me.

I have another meeting set for Tuesday evening with a man who is out of town this week and set up to meet before he left town. I feel favorable to his vibe.

All of these men will have a message for me and provides more practice. I am excited that they are all taller… I can wear my heals and not be concerned that I will be taller than them. That makes me smile.

I feel a bit of concern and out of practice dating…I feel concerned about my vibe a bit. I dont want to mess things up and just thinking that makes me feel like I am messing up already.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:12pm
144: MissStix says:

RN

I am sorry I have no info…There must be some info online? Have you contacted the cancer society? If they don’t offer assistance, maybe they might know who does? Wish I could be of more help. You are in my heart (((you)))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 8:58pm
145: Emerson says:

AmazingMe RN I’m so sorry! (((big hugs)))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 9:04pm
146: Emerson says:

My mom had cancer too and she survived. That was 17 years ago and she is still with us.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 9:05pm
147: MissStix says:

The quiet here is intense!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 9:46pm
148: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Thanks all who commented yes I am on websites and more websites looking and applying for help!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 9:48pm
149: MissStix says:

G called me back like he said he would. We had another nice convo, and he said he’d call back yet again before bed (usually he’s asleep by 830-9) but he hasn’t. This feels totally smooth cool calm and ok with me. I can envision him passed out snoring with the tv on at this point lol And we spoke plenty already. In fact, when he said he’d call before bed I giggled and thought 3 calls was a little much It does feel kind of solid and satisfying to let him miss me a little. He even made a little attempt to get me to formally invite him over tomorrow, but when I didn’t bite, saying “mmm nope no plans for tomorrow yet!”, he just invited himself. Which made me giggle and feel chased. mmm

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 9:54pm
150: Lucy says:

RN Amazing Me – I had ovarian cancer 3 years ago. My tumor was the size of a volleyball. They took out both ovaries, uterus, and omentum, and biopsied tissue throughout my abdomen. They were sure enough that they got it all that they did not want me to have chemo or radiation or anything. Mine was a very rare type – granulosa cell carcinoma. Do you know what type hers is? Love and hugs!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:15pm
151: Lucy says:

As far as the cost of treatment – has she applied for government medical assistance?

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:17pm
152: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Hey Lucy I am not sure what type the ovarian cancer is …i didnt even know they had types but her oncologist is supposed to be really good and he says she needs chemo..just scary when financially u cannot afford such treatment!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:18pm
153: Tereana says:

“Qualities of a soul-based relationship include being unconditionally loving, accepting, open to learning, harmonious, trusting, understanding, patient and empowering. Is this the kind of relationship you want?”

Why yes. Yes it is…

Thank you!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:32pm
154: Emerson says:

Well well well… TextCD emerged with a text after a month of no word from him. Yawn.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:39pm
155: Tereana says:

RN Amazing –

I had friends in the area, not too long ago, and it was a couple – no ovarian cancer, but the guy apparently had a tumor in his testicle, I think. Or something like that. Basically, they had to remove it, and before that they had to freeze his sperm so that at some point they could have kids. And, as I recall, the woman sent out a message to all their friends, asking for support, because he/they had no health insurance and had to pay for it all themselves. I think it took a lot of vulnerability and bravery for them to do that, and even though I had no money at the time at all, and couldn’t offer financial support, I at least wrote them back and told them how amazing I thought their letter was. In the end, I don’t know what they were able to raise, financially, but I guess the procedure went well, and he is fine, and they eventually moved out of the state (to somewhere very lovely!:)

So, it doesn’t have to be a letter. But maybe a party/fundraiser for your mom? Have someone help you organize it, so you don’t do it all yourself, but you can host it, and let people know beforehand, and then at the event, they can donate as much as they want to a fund you set up to help pay for your mom’s treatment program. That’s one idea.

And also maybe check with the hospital. Sometimes you just have to ask, but they might have a special discount program for patients who are not covered by insurance. You might feel scared to do this, but if nothing else, they can probably work out a payment plan so that you don’t just end up getting hit with huge-looking bills.

Don’t know if any of that was helpful or not. But I can certainly understand why you are feeling scared, angry and anxious right now. ((hugs))

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:41pm
156: Tereana says:

I feel much stronger and “in control” when I speak my truth.

I feel less in control when I “try” to control what’s happening….

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 10:42pm
157: Tereana says:

11:22 already? How did that happen???

Facebook…I’m too tired..zzzz

good night!

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:23pm
158: Silver Moonbeam says:

Sirens please I need some help with these men on the dating sites. I find a lot of them send you a “flirt” or a “Hi, how are you?” or “Do you wanna chat?” and I just don’t know how to respond in a RR way.

Well with the “Hi how are you?” ones I usually say something like “I feel fabulous” or “I’m feeling great” but with the others I don’t know where to go.

I don’t want to do “chats” that descend into nothingness where the man sends you a you know what pic or starts talking dirty. I am honestly lost sometimes with this whole internet dating thing, it seems like they are not messaging YOU personally just sending out blanket messages hoping to get one catch.

How do you Sirens handle this kind of message? I am 59 and messaging/texting is not really something I am into and I sometimes feel lost.

BTW CD J who was supposed to meet me last Sunday and didn’t get back to me, when he sent his “Sorry about all this, my loved ones surprised me” well I didn’t reply as per advise on here and I have never heard another word and wouldn’t you know he is the CD I am most interested in. Bah humbug.

Thursday, 18 October 2012 @ 11:27pm
159: Emerson says:

158 wow silvermoon I’m so impressed by your Internet dating because it’s not easy! I think you are doing great ! I feel that when I don’t know how to respond…I wait…and really sink into my feelings and then express that… Even if it’s “I feel grouchy ” it’s authentic and men usually try to help cheer me up…

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:00am
160: Emerson says:

Regarding the guy who didn’t get back to you… Just keep leaning back and perhaps he will try again and perhaps not….either way you remain a siren and it’s good practice and you will meet more men…

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:05am
161: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Thanks Tereana that is what I am working on actually trying to do a benefit.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:07am
162: Emerson says:

Rn amazing I hope you are still able to take time for yourself and take care of you. How is your job?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:12am
163: Heart says:

Siren Angel & Tam….thank for the advice ….I felt soothed by your words. Thank you both for keeping me on my horse.

SA – no…I haven’t been practicing any heart-opening tools…Wow. I will practice more on cds. I guess my heart was closing towards him. I feel grateful that you pointed it out.

Tam – Good point…”if you can not feel invested” ….ha. I’m invested.. Yes….I care about the outcome. You stated that beautifully.

As for now, leaning back & focusing on me.
I’m going to try to go a week and not mention CudG at all while I post on the blog.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:54am
164: Silver Moonbeam says:

When they say “Do you want to chat?” I feel like saying “What about?”

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:57am
165: Annie says:

112: Siren Ange says:

“They called me a bully last weekend when he was alone with them.

He told me he said to the kids ‘hey, that’s not true and not respectful’.”

It’s their truth.
They feel bullied.

Not easy. hugs.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 1:46am
166: Annie says:

jean says “#2 that he will not allow/listen/accept any negative talk about you. ”

I feel triggered.
I want everyone to be allowed to speak their truth, children aswell as adults
This feels bad to me.
I want children to have a voice.
I feel sad for all those children who have been told to not say negative things about adults. Punished until they apologies and retract.
I feel sad for the women who as a child was put in isolation until she apologized and retracted for saying Jimmy Saville abused her and for many others like her.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:00am
167: Annie says:

It feels odd.weird to me Siren angel and makes no sense that a man who is a Psychologist does not want to sit down altogether and sort this conflict out between you him and the children

I do not get it.
It is normal to have conflict.
It’s how you resolve it that matters.
In what way to they feel bullied?
In what way do you feel bullied?

I would want to sit down when everyone was calm and listen to what everyone wanted and come to a resolution.

What sort of psychologist is he?
Is that his job?
Or do you mean he has studied psychology?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:16am
168: Silver Moonbeam says:

#167 Annie

My gf is a psychologist and she asks my advise!! When I say but you are the expert she always says “Yes I can do this with other people, but not myself.”

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:26am
169: Silver Moonbeam says:

p.s. I am behind on the blog and haven’t started reading the posts from the top…………

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:27am
170: April Rose says:

I feel so shaken and feel like screaming

I can’t stop shaking.

I got an e-mail from WM. Work related.

It is so impersonal, and there are no kisses at the end.

Just like the e-mails he sent his wife after he left her.

To me it looks like he spends years in a relationship with his resentment building up. But only leaves when he finds someone else to place his affections on.

Are all men like this?

What does it mean?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:35am
171: Tam says:

Heart, I knew you’d stay on your horse…
anyone know any heart opening tools?
Not sure I do.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:52am
172: April Rose says:

Heart, Tam,

For me, I was often aware that my heart was not open, and I couldn’t ‘make’ it open.

The opening came more from committing to my deep feminine nature, and from practising any of the tools I remembered.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:57am
173: Tam says:

FW, funny about men sniffing around…
Last nights was going to mark his territory already!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:02am
174: Tam says:

((((April Rose))))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:02am
175: Tam says:

I have been here three weeks. Sigh.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:08am
176: April Rose says:

I am calming down.

I will not abandon myself.

The urge to lean forward somehow is strong.

I want to stay with myself and not get into his head.

There are so many loving men in the world.

I do not need to cling to the thought that I must have WM.

Aaaaargh, tears and rage coming now…..

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:25am
177: April Rose says:

I WILL NOT ABANDON MYSELF

Why do I need to shout this so fucking loudly?

Because I don’t believe it.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:27am
178: MissStix says:

I do believe that men are less likely to just up and leave an unhappy relationship. Not all to be sure. But a lot. They will stick it around a long time and say nothing. Just like we “stuffers” or ex-stuffers, do and have done. I see this story over and over…An unhappy man just sticking around where he is because he’d rather not be alone, and in many ways does not want to lose her, but will turn away easily to another woman. I also believe this is (in a very short version) what happened with my ex.
Except, we were both in on it. I was a stuffer and he just never wanted to make waves. We were both highly easy going. We never had a true “fight” until very near the end. Any of our tumultuous moments before that had just been a lot of tears and hanging onto each other (literally, physically)for dear life because we didn’t know what to do. Very deep, strong, close, intimate, no secrets kind of connection. First love. Bbeing totally honest and open about it…We pushed each other away with equal and opposite force.

Went down a rabbit hole on this one…

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:29am
179: MissStix says:

It feels very solid for me, right now, and self assured, to say this…That even though he had an affair, I had my equal role. I played the role of unlovable and so that was the reality I received.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:34am
180: MissStix says:

I also played the role of mother. And I played “i’ll do anything, anytime no matter what just ask” very well. I also received those realities.

This is eye opening…

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:37am
181: Siren Angel says:

Annie,
Thsy did not feel bullied 2 months ago when they saw me last – with a new custody trial and psychologist report coming up it is clear the mom is playing this up. Kids drop the subject after so long.
We were all bullied by 11 yr old in fact.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:39am
182: Tam says:

I will tell InstantRelationship-man that I am not going to see him again. He was attractive and sexy but we didn’t have great communication and he was already grabbing hand and kissing me and demanding I don’t meet others. He said he is looking for someone for the rest of his life and marriage and I believe him….but I can’t actually commit to a guy I met only once. Too much pressure.
It’s a red flag for me.

I am meeting EnglishCD tonight and hoping to have the guts to speak my truth to him and tell him that I want to be friends first, and maybe that is all that I can give him. I feel stressed about having to turn guys away, it’s so difficult for me, I do not want to disappoint anyone, but I don’t want to be insincere and lead them on either.

I feel sad.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:41am
183: April Rose says:

I’ve been living with a man, WM for four years, after he left his previous partner (his wife)
When he left her she turned up at our work.

He shouted at her to fuck off.

His affections were with me, and he cut her off totally. His decision felt final, unshakeable, cold. He told me later it was because of guilt.

Now I am experiencing it firsthand.
I am the one cut off. Emotionally he has turned himself completely away. Last weekend I witnessed his affections transfer to another lady and it was so clear. Like he flicked a switch.
After four years of us together.
The last three he simmered with resentment but did not leave.

I undermined him constantly, he told me yesterday, and he felt too weak to assert himself. So he withdrew into his work.

But he stayed committed to the relationship!! It felt so unfulfilling to us both, but he stayed!

I did not feel cherished or adored for the last three years. I finally began to date others. He got very angry, but said he was not about to up his game.

Then last weekend he met someone and is going away with her tomorrow.

I feel so cheated of the last three years.

Why don’t they leave us if they’re not into us?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:44am
184: Tam says:

I realise this is where my work is..it is not in attracting men or having them step up, or having them make a second/third etc date – I have never actually been rejected by anyone I dated like this, the men always want more. It makes me think men are not as ‘picky’ as we are.
I feel confident that my dating skills are ok, but my ‘speaking my truth’ skills are what I worry about.
I still want to please.
The other thing that is making me sad is that all these guys are ‘on my case’ just one isn’t.
How bizarre.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:45am
185: MissStix says:

(((tam)))

Not always easy…

One CD I ended things with took it hard. But he was sweet about it. He said he couldn’t be just my friend. He did reach out some time later and add me on FB. He’s a nice guy. I felt sad about that.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:49am
186: Annie says:

180: Siren Angelsays:

“Annie,
Thsy did not feel bullied 2 months ago when they saw me last – with a new custody trial and psychologist report coming up it is clear the mom is playing this up. Kids drop the subject after so long.
We were all bullied by 11 yr old in fact.
Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

!They called me a bully last weekend when he was alone with them.

He told me he said to the kids ‘hey, that’s not true and not respectful’.”

I was responding to the words you wrote which you stated they said they called you a bully, hence felt bullied last weekend.

You felt what you felt bullied.
They felt what they felt.
It is what it is.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:52am
187: Tam says:

Miss Stix, thank you.
Actually, the CDing is just rubbing salt into my wound, if I am totally honest.
It is stressing me out.
I have a hard time finding men I am on a wavelength with and although I can see it as practice….what am I practicing, because in fact, I have no problem attracting men on dates or for dates. They are all over me. And it just makes me more sad.
I don’t know.
I am not over everything that happened at the beginning of the year, clearly, and the CDing just makes me long for something/someone else.
It feels frustrating.
I am with these guys and want to be somewhere else..my mind drifts..when they kiss me I feel nothing, or I am repulsed. The more I do it the worse it feels.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:00am
188: Tam says:

The strange thing is, I was able to do it before, I even had sex with one or two last year and it was great and fun and everything else. Since the stuff happened at the beginning of this year, and me working on my issues and my emotional unavailability, I just can’t do it anymore….wow. It makes me think I was better off before, numb, having fun, nothing sticking to me….look at me now.
I feel like a mess.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:03am
189: Annie says:

Although going deeper is bullying a feeling?

I feel curious is bullying a feeling?

What is the feeling.

I feel curious what did these children or child really feel.
What did you really feel?

I feel triggered to explore.

For me I have felt unheard and controlled put down dismissed abused and threatened, powerless when I have called someone a bully.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:05am
190: Annie says:

How does an II yr old bully an adult?

I feel confused?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:07am
191: Tam says:

I guess kids just want to be number 1 in their fathers life and they feel insecure after a divorce and acting up is perhaps, depending on the child’s character, to be expected.
It’s not easy.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:10am
192: Tam says:

Adults should guide, not judge the children…with boundaries and love. And not make them responsible for adult relationships or failure/success in adult relationships. That’s my 2 cents.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:12am
193: Siren Angel says:

Tam,
That is not the point.
If course they want to be number 1. So do MY kids.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:21am
194: Annie says:

And Like I said before.
Siren Angel.

It feels odd, weird and makes no sense that a man who is a Psychologist does not want to sit down altogether and sort this conflict out between you him and the children

I do not get it.
It is normal to have conflict.
It’s how you resolve it that matters.
In what way to they feel bullied?
In what way do you feel bullied?

I would want to sit down when everyone was calm and listen to what everyone wanted and come to a resolution.

What sort of psychologist is he?
Is that his job?
Or do you mean he has studied psychology?

What resolution do you want?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:25am
195: Siren Angel says:

Annie,
I am not going to get into this with you because you can go back and read on the blog.
When he offers money to the smaller kids if they get hurt in one of his dangerous games, but they can’t tell an adult?
When he scares me with a hammer story that he threw at his moms back?
When he throws rocks at people down a cliff, repeatedly when he was told, and explained why, 3 times?
And there are too many examples to write all here?

Do you need a definition of bullying?

I admire your position and I feel sorry for you.

You always bring it back to child molesters/rapists.

I protect children passionately too.
Not only on bullying.
If you only knew…
I feel offended.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:27am
196: Annie says:

193: Siren says:

“Annie,
I am not going to get into this with you because you can go back and read on the blog.

Wow, okey dokey,
I feel shocked.

“When he offers money to the smaller kids if they get hurt in one of his dangerous games, but they can’t tell an adult?
When he scares me with a hammer story that he threw at his moms back?
When he throws rocks at people down a cliff, repeatedly when he was told, and explained why, 3 times?
And there are too many examples to write all here?

Do you need a definition of bullying?”

No I did not ask for a definition.
I asked in what way so thank you for explaining how you thought you were bullied.
I would feel intimidated in those circumstances.
Is that how you felt?

“I admire your position and I feel sorry for you.”
I feel unsure how to take that.
I do not want anyone to ever feel sorry for me.
I feel confused at what you feel sorry for me about.
What do feel sorry for me about?

“You always bring it back to child molesters/rapists.2
something for me to look at perhaps I do.

“I protect children passionately too.
Not only on bullying.
If you only knew…
I feel offended.”

What do you feel offended about?

What sort of psychologist is he?
Is that his job?
Or do you mean he has studied psychology?

What resolution do you want?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:39am
197: LoveAlways says:

Good morning sirens:

Thank you Annie, Goddess Lily, Iamabutterfly, Calypso, FW, Daria, April Rose, Tam, MissStix and every other siren for the hugs and support yesterday. I was not in a good place and I was traveling pretty much alone in tears all day long. I love you ladies for being there for me yesterday – I was not alone because of you and I was strengthened by your soothing sweet words. I made it through that horrible horrible experience.

LoveAlways

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:39am
198: LoveAlways says:

I felt strong packing all of his things up neatly
then I felt numb going through the motions of getting ready for bed – the siren in me was worn out and only wanted something soft on my skin to sleep.
I felt dizzy trying to sleep because there was that pain rumbling under the numbness, but I slept and it felt good to be in my bed with my face buried in the mattress sleeping.

This morning I felt a new pain flower up through the numbness . . . it was a new feeling that reminded me I have no control over this situation but to hold my boundaries
THIS IS ALL THE CONTROL I HAVE
and through the tears and heart wrenching pain
I MUST KEEP MY BOUNDARIES

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:43am
199: Tam says:

Annie, I don’t feel sorry for you.
I believe 192 are wise words, and make a lot of sense. Especially the conflict resolution bit.
It also strikes home.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:45am
200: Tam says:

Love Always, there is a very strong vibe coming from you. ((((LA))))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:46am
201: Annie says:

Siren Angel.

“When he throws rocks at people down a cliff, repeatedly when he was told, and explained why, 3 times?”

I feel confused why a child would be told something three times.
If this is a boundary and something that an adult doesn’t want.
It feels better to me to state my boundary once and let them know the consequence of what action will happen if they cross that boundary again so they know what I will not tolerate and where they stand with me and follow through.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:50am
202: Annie says:

Ty Tam. re 192.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:51am
203: Annie says:

I hope you are feeling in a better place today Love Always.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:53am
204: LoveAlways says:

I deserve to be treated with respect and adoration
I don’t want to be a man’s option
I want to smile as often as possible
I want to be peaceful in my daily existence
I want to share love with someone who has time to be with me to share that love

Time together, that’s an important boundary for me

I’m trying not to whine, but HScd and I spent time together, and trouble came when we stopped doing that. I was too happy and preoccupied in playing in my meadow to see that something was brewing in his life

I feel stupid for not realizing this sooner, but there is not much I could have done because it is never for me to control or manipulate his situation, only my own.

And now here I am having pushed myself out of his life. . . Yes, sirens, I caused the flow of tears and pain by pushing myself out of his way so he could deal with his ex clawing her way under his skin, digging into his mind and clutching hold of his heart.

She has been wrestling away his time and I wasn’t sure what was happening.

He looked at me like “why doesn’t she fight for me?”

But I would be fighting both him and her and that is just not this siren’s way.

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

How can it be all about me if I concern myself with him and his ex and what they are or are not doing???

That doesn’t work for LoveAlways in any kind of way

So I pushed myself away from him to let him be consumed by this woman and her masculine ways

I feel like such a punk

but I feel deep in heart I did good for me

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:55am
205: Annie says:

Siren Angel.
I wish you well in coming to an amicable and happy resolution and in doing what is best for you.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:56am
206: LoveAlways says:

Hi Tam & Annie

I am not crying as much, so that’s a good thing

I don’t feel the pain of having to look at him, I cried every time I looked in his direction

But I am grounded, so yes, I think I’m better today – thank you again so much for being there! I was clutching my phone blogging on siren island for dear dear life and sanity yesterday and you all responded with kindness and hugs . . . it really really helped me

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:58am
207: Annie says:

You Rock Love always.

And I feel admiration for you making space for a better masculine energy man who wants what you want to enter your life.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:59am
208: Siren Angel says:

Annie,
He was throwing rocks down a sizeable cliff. There was a beach at the bottom with people on it (including children). His father told him not to throw rocks at people down the cliff, then he was warned by a park guard, then again by his father. He kept doing it.
There are never any consequences because the father is afraid the kids will turn against him.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:02am
209: LoveAlways says:

I feel like staying in bed today

I feel like crying to heal and the tears come often

I feel cleansed by the tears smearing my face and blinding my sight

I’ll keep the lights off anyways

I feel the tears coming from the middle of my chest even though they well up in my eyes

I have no thoughts or visions of him in my mind, just tears

I feel the tears are taking over my head and my chest and my breathing feels tight

I feel like I need to hide away today because these I am in my must vulnerable state crying like this and I so tired of being vulnerable where other people can manipulate me

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:03am
210: LoveAlways says:

I feel if I just open up and cry that I won’t get depressed

I won’t cover my feelings with thoughts and just give into despair

I feel like feeling it all even though it gives me a headache

And I can’t think because each thought brings a new feeling that increases my headache

All I can do it feel and cry

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:05am
211: LoveAlways says:

Forgive me blog, I’m normally positive and try not go trigger anybody or bring them down with my sorrows, but I need to do this for now …..

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:07am
212: LoveAlways says:

Wow, I’m not thinking of him, I’m just crying from all that I feel, and I feel so much

I feel joy that I am not clingy
I feel sad that I am alone
I feel relaxed to be home in my bed
I feel soothed and I am experiencing all of these feelings rather than the pain of them bottled up and swelling inside of me

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:09am
213: Tam says:

Love Always, let it all out!!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:10am
214: LoveAlways says:

Yes Annie, I agree
I like what you said about a better masculine energy
that would feel really good to me
it feels good to me thinking of this way
that thought feels good

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:11am
215: LoveAlways says:

I am slowly getting back into my siren ways
I’ve had no appetite and have not been eating at all, but I do take a moment to nibble on something nourishing because I know my body needs it and I noticed I picked good healthy foods to nibble on to heal my body while I try to heal my heart

I don’t know what to do with my mind just yet
don’t want to touch that right now

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:14am
216: Annie says:

“There are never any consequences because the father is afraid the kids will turn against him.”

I would feel unsafe with a man like that.
And I would feel concerned about my children’s safety too. I believe children need boundaries to feel safe and cared about.

What do you think?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:15am
217: LoveAlways says:

Tam, I’m going to to just that
all day long
but I feel that won’t be long enough
at least it’s the weekend

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:15am
218: LoveAlways says:

And I feel love in this soup of emotions too, that is still there, but I feel love, I’m not thinking love

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:17am
219: Tam says:

we are here for you LoveAlways
all around the world, in all the different time zones.
we’ll look after you and make you virtual cups of hot cocoa and stroke your head.
you will be ok.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:17am
220: LoveAlways says:

Wow, this feels different, feeling love and feeling the pain at the same time, feels soothing in a weird way

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:18am
221: LoveAlways says:

I feel a headache again

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:18am
222: Tam says:

oooh something you said resonates. When I stop thinking, I feel love also. Even just in vibes coming from people that are not in my life. Strange, that.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:18am
223: Annie says:

Hugs Love always.
I feel lighter if when I cry I put my hand over my heart and feel the heartbreak and cry until I feel in a better place.
I believe when we cry from this place ans accept we have no control over others unloving actions towards us we are then on the way to healing and becoming a surviver
Rather than crying from a place of blame and staying as a victim
X

The tears are different.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:20am
224: LoveAlways says:

Thanks Tam & Annie

(the cocoa is really good)

Feeling too much of headache, so I’m going to close my eyes for a while.

Much love to my world wide sisters who give the best hugs and make awesome virtual cocoa

I feel smiley through my head thumping tears!

(((HHHHUUUUUGGGSSSS)))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:24am
225: Tam says:

221 Annie, I love that.
I have been crying a lot but I feel these tears are mostly tears of frustration, feeling abandoned and rejected.
Perhaps I can allow myself to cry little tears of heartbreak every now and then also…that would feel good.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:29am
226: LoveAlways says:

Ohhhh

I am not a punk
Feminine energy does not compete for fight for a man
He is drawn to feminine energy
So I can’t fight or compete, I can only lean back and hold my boundaries

Thumping head and crying, I need to get off of this computer LOL

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:40am
227: Siren Angel says:

Annie,

Thank you for the well wishes.

You are right, it is getting old, and I feel exhausted on this subject, which also happens to put me in a bad vibe and I don’t want that.

I feel heard.

But I can’t fix what he needs to grow and learn and then fix. That’s his job.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:09am
228: Tam says:

Oh, I don’t feel so bad anymore, I just saw that CDEnglish booked a trip to see his Ex Wife run a marathon. Phew. I feel off the hook, because even if I was really into him, I would now step back a little….
phew.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:15am
229: Femininewoman says:

Tam – leaning back never fails.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:34am
230: Femininewoman says:

LoveAlways put your hand on your head and send some love to yourself. Talk to your head like talking to a frozen part.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:37am
231: Tam says:

227 FW, yes, very true. Well, I don’t just feel like leaning back, I feel like getting off the CD train altogether right now.
It’s all too fast for me. All to much like ‘shopping’.
I feel worse after having bought all this cr*p that I don’t want and don’t need.
Need to remind myself that I get to decide what’s good for me. I feel stuck in a rut.
I have the choice of going for a meal with two couples on Saturday night, or CDing someone else.
It felt like he was a serious guy, then he sends me a picture ‘oh this is my most recent pic), of himself in one of those fashionable hats with something that looks like drool (liquid, an alcoholic drink) all over his shirt and mouth wide open (singing, screaming, being drunk).
I feel sooooo turned off.
I remember also, comically, that I once went walking with MrP and he pointed out a guy with a hat like that on the street and said ‘tell me, would you ever date someone like this?’ And I said ‘no, never’, and he said: ‘that’s good because you would never see me wearing a hat like that’.
Pfff. Seems now I am dating guys with hats like that and it feels sh**.
It’s just a metaphor, really, for ‘fashionable, yuppie and silly’. Well, it is what it is.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:55am
232: Tam says:

I am the yummy pie…even guys with ‘hats like that’ want to date me and I never thought I was ‘their type’. Ditto with surfer dudes, Latino men etc.
Yes, yes. I am the prize bla bla.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:56am
233: Tam says:

I am not being sarcastic, just a little

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:58am
234: Femininewoman says:

(((((((((((((((Tam))))))))))))))))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:59am
235: Tam says:

Thanks for the hug, FW

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:59am
236: Calypso says:

Tam – you sound just like me a couple of months ago! I was so sick of the guys on POF that i seriously thought about dropping off and never dating again – I was disgusted with myself and every i met – and then there was JC – so completely unexpected and everything I need him to be. 2 months later we have both dropped off POF because we “found our fish” and we laugh that we should apply to do one of their commercials. Keep going – he’s out there.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:00am
237: Femininewoman says:

Tam sometimes life just feels like it lifts us up and shake us around, then leaves us dizzy

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:04am
238: Tam says:

Calypso..thank you for spreading hope!!
I am sure someone is out there. But maybe even if he was to find me now, I am not in the right frame of mind…I suspect.
I have more work to do and it’s not necessarily dating – work on me. Work on getting unstuck and moving myself along.
It may just take longer than expected. That’s ok.
Rome wasn’t built in a day and I have been single for 5 years, with a little 6 month relationship. There is no rush.
But trying to numb pain by CDing is not working for me.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:05am
239: Tam says:

The irony of it all is that one of my friends (in his 50′s), who just split up with his wife, sees me as some kind of inspiration and has been writing to me ‘oh you are so positive and inspiring etc’.
It’s ironic. I seem to be able to do it for others just not me?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:07am
240: Tam says:

235 – FW, yes dizzy…hehe. I would like to get off the 2012 rollercoaster year. Just for a while

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:07am
241: April Rose says:

Love Always,

It feels so good to hear you say that deep in your heart you have done right by yourself.

You did not abandon yourself. You felt your feelings, and continue to do so.

I want to paste a phrase of yours that connected right with me, where I am

“THIS IS ALL THE CONTROL I HAVE
and through the tears and heart wrenching pain
I MUST KEEP MY BOUNDARIES”

I am right there, too.

Sending you so much Love.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:12am
242: Tam says:

April Rose, I am with you both on this:

‘THIS IS ALL THE CONTROL I HAVE
and through the tears and heart wrenching pain
I MUST KEEP MY BOUNDARIES’

It hurts short term maybe but there are long term benefits. I am sure of that.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:14am
243: bloom-ing says:

feeling happy & safe…. started reading Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver and her paragraphs are giving me butterflies in my tummy…. i love her sentence variation & the cadence EEEEEEEEK i was literally crying yesterday sitting reading just for the excitement of how much i’m enjoying it already & also because i know she’s written a lot so i have lots of books ahead of me : ))) hehehehe : ) & i have a bunch of new tom robbins books…. ok yay !

& i’m feeling smile-y & secretive & fun fun boppy girl

& yayyyyyyy gentleness come wrap me up

& then also HOORAH i feel spoiled to hear cd offer to go out & get me take-out to celebrate (even though it doesn’t make any logic “sense” since i’ll be out & otherwise he’d be home…) because that’s what i want but he doesn’t want me to pay or do labor for my own celebration : ) hehe hugs, man ! thank you ! ooooh yummy thank you thank you baby

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:53am
244: Femininewoman says:

bloom-ing I love it when you write about books you read. Through your inspiring me I am now finishing up Wuthering Heights. What a rollercoaster of emotion it evokes.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:55am
245: bloom-ing says:

yesterday, i made a loud scratch-y noise on the record player because i’m clumsy & not good at doing it yet & cd came up later & said, the record player makes horrible noises when you operate it. LOL i felt so offended ! but really, i know it’s because i’m actually doing it “wrong” so i do actually take responsibility for that. i said, “i asked you to give me a lesson & you said no” & he said, “why don’t you google some tips” & again i felt offended, but then he said, “i bet it would feel more neutral to you – i sometimes have trouble giving people instructions without coming across as overbearing – & i bet i will learn something too if you do a little research” aww i feel smile-y : ))) & then i feel smile-y also hearing him ask me to make a list of places i might like to live & telling his friend “we” are looking around…. hehe… ok go do work, baby girl. almost done : )))) !

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:58am
246: bloom-ing says:

siren angel, if i were you, i think i might tell him “honey, i feel really bad hearing that the kids are complaining about me… i feel helpless & powerless to do anything hearing that through a third party, especially since i’m not interacting with the kids… to me it feels like gossiping or bullying & i just don’t want to feel that way about children that i love…. i would feel better not hearing specific things said about me when i’m not around, & i would feel better just assuming that if you ever heard something like that, you would deal with it… thank you, baby” what do you think? not sure if that’s what you would feel, just offering my “angle”…. my “perspective”. i’m sorry if it feels intrusive or not applicable to your situation. thank you

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:10am
247: bloom-ing says:

awww, femininewoman, i do love that book….. ooh & reading it in this “transition” weather is so good & “wuther”-y : ))))) hehe YUM those bronte sisters must have had at least a little fun together telling stories & playing pretend out on the moors…. : )

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:11am
248: Femininewoman says:

bloom-ing I love the FM to Siren Angel

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:18am
249: Megan says:

Tereana and Miss Stix,

just wanted to say thank you for all the support.

Tereana I esp liked what you said about open possibilities and how he may be thinking of me

wow this blog moves so quickly, hope you see this!

((((hugs))))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:21am
250: Starla says:

You know, I am still just stuck on CF. I am in love with him. I feel hopeless to stop. I don’t feel angry at myself for it. But I do feel like I’m “not supposed to” want him.

My instincts tell me to track him down and make him talk to me, and to tell him how I feel. What would I have to lose?

But my ‘common sense’ stops me.

For now I will just keep on living the best life I possibly can.

I’m not ready for a relationship right now, even with CF.

I’m too busy being in love with myself for the time being.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:37am
251: Tam says:

(((Starla)))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:40am
252: Silver Moonbeam says:

((( Starla )))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:42am
253: Daria says:

Weird my friend met these guys that lived in my housing complex for 12 years and I never met them. Went to my hs too.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 9:03am
254: Silver Moonbeam says:

#142 ( RN AmazingMe)

I’m so sorry I have no idea of where you could turn for help as I don’t live over there, but know people are thinking of you and your family. xxx

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 9:17am
255: Silver Moonbeam says:

#143 Linda

I think we are somewhat on the same page so to speak.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 9:27am
256: Annie says:

246. Blooming.

I believe if someone is complaining it is because there was no resaloution.
And it becomes a moment frozen in time STUCK!

And will bet my bottom dollar the universe will send this back again. Rinse and repeat until it gets resolved.
And denying, ignoring not wanting to hear, or avoiding conflict will not ever resolve anything.

As adults we are 100% responsible for our feelings and taking adult loving care of them.
Children on the other hand need a loving adults help to manage and take care of their feelings.
They are not able to do this by themselves and it is our job as parents to guide them.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 9:31am
257: Belle says:

I feel cranky cranky cranky CRANKY.
So pist that I don’t know how I got here (Ohh, but I do!) surrounded by flaky people making flaky last minute plans and
grrrrr
a friend just invited me to go out tonight because someone else cancelled
which I feel pist about
and laughing, hypocritical about because I went to his place when my date stood me up last week. He’s a real friend,
so
I’m just feeling butthurt over idk what.
cranky
irritable
i don’t even want to feel any different right now.
I WANT to feel cranky!
I WANT to feel difficult and crankypants whinybaby
which is making me laugh
Dammit! I’m trying to work up a tantrum here!
ahahahaha
life.

More and more I’m seeing the stories that run my life
“Scared I’ll get hurt” – physically
You never know when someone you trust will flip out on you and beat you in a vulnerable moment (tears)
You never know when someone will walk out on you unexpectedly just when you think things are going good
(got wayyyy blindsided when I left Seattle by housemates I invited to live with us who turned around and decided they didn’t want ME there just as I was starting to feel trust and stable)

More and more often I catch these trains of thought and turn them around:

“You never know when someone you trust will delight and surprise you with something beautiful”

“You never know when someone will step up and go even deeper when things start to seem really good”

I still feel kind of sick about agreeing to go out tonight. Maybe it’s just not something I really want to do, I just don’t want to be lame and sit home alone. It “seems” like a “cool” thing to do, but this isn’t exactly my thing.

Under this is some sadness, feeling abandoned by a friend who ‘followed her bliss’, left the state and went way down the rabbit hole and can’t be arsed to keep in touch or return phone calls or messages.

It’s about her 6-month mark with this most recent guy which is when things will probably fall apart and she’ll be available to talk again but I don’t need to set myself up for this again, she is who she is and I am who I am and I’m the steadfast, loyal type and I need stability and ongoing communication and she is the chaotic, flighty, performer type and this is my life, not the movie Beaches

I feel frustrated (I am creating my frustration! ha!) that sobriety and a strong desire for a better way of living didn’t magically change everyone around me. I thought everything that ever went wonky and wrong in the whole history of the universe was my fault and if I would just change so would everything else, because of course people forgot about things and were flakey and screwed up because *I* was screwed up…
!!!

The stories here are
people are flakey, and they don’t respect me or my time.
People do not value me
Other people are cooler than me
~~~

the friend that wants to go out tonight is a zero on the romantic prospect scale. I have no mixed feelings, I feel very clear, not now not ever just not gonna happen with him, evah. He’s not interested in me that way, either.
So
if I choose to go out with him tonight at the last minute, am I selling myself out?? Am I settling for less than I want?
Am I mixing up my expectations of a partner with those of a friend?
Should I expect less from my friends than I would from a partner??
Okay
sink in
I don’t want to feel confused I want to be clear
Clarity says.
Go, you’ll have a good time.
Okay. I’ll accept this and let it be true.
F*ck NV’s and doubts and blah blahs

Those are just remnants of my childhood in a chaotic, alcoholic environment feeling flustered at at something unexpected and unplanned.
Can I give myself permission to feel good about this? Love and bless this choice? No regrets? Allow it to be a wonderful time? Allow myself to be surprised??!!
yes.
yes.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 9:46am
258: bloom-ing says:

annie, i hear you & i feel the same way. as a total total outsider, i feel very ….. “clinging” & “claws-out” or something, wanting the parent to assist their children in a way that facilitates healing & good feelings….. i feel sad imagining a lady hearing those things & not having any “recourse” to interpersonal closeness & healing after harsh-feeling words like that… just feels like sort of an impossible position to be given that “information” without any way of “acting on” it….. sounds frustrating to me….. i feel a bit uncomfy to discus this with you too much, since it’s not “my business” at all or “yours” lol : )) hugs, annie

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 9:55am
259: bloom-ing says:

siren angel, i feel curious if you would feel comfortable for me to send you a personal, private message? thank you

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 9:57am
260: bloom-ing says:

haha, belle, i feel warmed & amused to read your processing. feels good to me : )) thanks for sharing : )

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 9:58am
261: Smile says:

Hi lovely sirens, just a quick visit to empy these thoughts out of my head today.
Strummingman is off on the family holiday. Feeling a little sad. We had an amazing holiday. This time last year we were besotted and I felt amazing and on top of the world.

I will lean back. It would NOT feel good at all to wish him a nice time.

I got a simple happy birthday message from him on Wednesday. I replied thank you. Felt really impersonal.
He said he wants to treat me to some new perfume as the one he last bought me ran out. These are just words. I’m not holding out it will actually materialise.

Had a lovely few days with friends and family. No time to feel lonely.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:19am
262: Smile says:

I know he will be thinking of the good times we had when he’s away. It’s full of memories.

I am letting go

I am letting go

I am letting go

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:21am
263: Smile says:

I want deep lasting happiness not fleeting happiness.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:21am
264: Smile says:

I got a month free as a birthday pressi from match if I joined… Hmm might just treat myself!!!!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:22am
265: Smile says:

OMG I can believe I just wrote what I did all longing!
I’m majorly triggered. I feel on fire with stuffed panic.
I feel a fool!!!

I’m sooo over him!!!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:27am
266: Tereana says:

Men always respond to what you want. Whether you articulate it in words or not..,

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:29am
267: Smile says:

This has given me the kick up the bum to totally move on!!!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:34am
268: Tam says:

(((((Smile))))
urgh. I have had so many kicks up the bum..and yet…

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:38am
269: Femininewoman says:

Smile – Happy Belated Birthday

xoxo
whistles
bells
balloons
~~~~~~

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:44am
270: Femininewoman says:

I just had a guy say to me, just as an example, “when you love a woman you chase her, you get close to her, then pull back. If it is love she will come looking for you”. I wonder if that is man type thinking or something from the male playbook.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:47am
271: Tam says:

270 FW, I believe there are men that need a little reassurance from a woman…and leaning all the way back does perhaps not provide that.
However, I feel that in the end, their curiosity and love will take them to contact her again….unless they are not really interested.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:49am
272: Smile says:

Aw thanks FW. I feel smiley.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:53am
273: Smile says:

So this is what it feels like to have let go! Wow!

I feel free!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 10:55am
274: Tam says:

I am going out with English CD tonight, he made an offer I couldn’t refuse, to go somewhere I always wanted to go…a bit of a drive.
I feel fear for leading him on.
My friends said ‘so are you dating now you are seeing this guy all the time?’ I feel pressured to talk to him…I don’t know.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:09am
275: Tam says:

Why do I always think about the other person first?
Can’t I just enjoy myself and see what happens?
I always think ‘don’t hurt him, he is investing in you, paying for everything, taking you everywhere bla bla’…I feel mean. I feel I am leading him on when there is no chance of anything developing.
Urgh.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:12am
276: Femininewoman says:

So Tam are you suggesting that he is a fool who does not know what he wants out of life and in his life?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:20am
277: Tam says:

276, not at all….FW…he is a very nice man actually, a successful businessman also.
But I don’t want to bs him by tagging along when he is wasting his time and would be better off dating others. I feel like I am using him to have a nice time when I already know he is not for me.
I feel guilty.
If I was attracted to him in any way I would not feel like this. I am in his company and checking out other guys…this feels bad.
To top it all, the place we are going to is MrP territory. He never goes out. Ever. But it would be just my luck if him or one of his/our friends was there tonight.
I feel nervous.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:23am
278: Tam says:

Ah whatever. I am going to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:24am
279: April Rose says:

I keep feeling waves of grief.

And shockwaves through my chest.

I had no idea I was so bonded to him.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:25am
280: April Rose says:

I suppose we have lived together for four years.

My Right Man Report from Carol Allen said that I am more bonded to him than he to me.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:26am
281: Femininewoman says:

“I am in his company and checking out other guys”

Maybe that is what “flirty girl” does. Maybe that is what communicates high degree of difficulty. Maybe that is what a real man needs so he can be competitive masculine and win the *prize*. Maybe this is what Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man is all about. Maybe this is what inspires a man to claim you.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:33am
282: Tam says:

281..FW, thank you..more like acting like a man lol…but that makes me feel sooo much better.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:34am
283: Femininewoman says:

“But I don’t want to bs him by tagging along when he is wasting his time and would be better off dating others. ” Maybe this is why guys keep their options open till they have met their “one”. Maybe this why they are always looking for their bigger and better deal. Maybe they are more committed to “wasting their time” till they find what they are looking for. Maybe they don’t know what it is until they see/feel it.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:36am
284: Tam says:

FW, I feel like a man now…

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:40am
285: April Rose says:

Rori said to me that it wasn’t good to assert my right to flirt with other men.

She asked me “how would you feel if he flirted in front of you?”

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:48am
286: Femininewoman says:

As Carol Allen says, when it comes to men and dating “your dreams have to be bigger than your disappointments”. You have to have faith and keep believing that he will find you.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:49am
287: Tam says:

285 A-R, most men I have been out with have checked out other women consciously or not. Strange that I feel I somehoe don’t have the same ‘right’. I sure do!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:52am
288: Starla says:

I start my Reiki training this weekend:)

just like that *snaps* I was able to find a teacher and a place to learn and right now it’s FREE

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:59am
289: Femininewoman says:

The way I think of checking out other men is my vibe is radiating “I am available”. Checking out other men for me is not necessarily eye contacting and smiling at them. It is being turned on in my body so that I am aware of a swagger, a look, or a smell around me that makes me feel turned on. For me it means being so in touch with my environment that I am not laser focussed on this one man in front of me. Until the man chooses me I choose to believe I am free.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:59am
290: Starla says:

286 thanks fw

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:01pm
291: Goddess Lily says:

Tam, that reminds me of that ciara song, like a boy

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:01pm
292: Tam says:

289, love that FW. Now I am in the right vibe for tonight…your comments built me up

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:01pm
293: MissStix says:

Bloom-ing

I have been playing with turntables since I can remember and I still sometimes give it a good sqeal lol

My best tip for you is to relax your hand and finger when lifting and lowering the stylus. Gently crook your index finger, slip it under the tab, be very gentle, smooth, and lift/lower very straight up/down. Some tables even have a mechanism that will lift and lower it for you, then you move it to where you want it. It should look like a little lever, button, or switch that says up/down. <3

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:05pm
294: Starla says:

291 Goddess Lily, I love that song. “CAN’T BE GETTIN MAD, WHAT YOU MAD, CAN’T HANDLE THAT?”
hehehehe

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:08pm
295: Daria says:

You guys help! Im addicted to feel compassionate. For men lil boys. Ouch. They’re all over the radio. Ouch. Help. I want to respect men not cry over them Luke puppies.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:17pm
296: Sassy says:

RN Amazing Me,

Are you and your family in the US? Please click on my name and view my website. I may be able to provide you with some suggestions.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:19pm
297: Femininewoman says:

Jellybeans says:
My boyfriend is a smoker. He “knows” that I want him to quit and in the beginning he was set on quitting as he could see it was a concern and displeased me. Since I have taken a more accepting role to avoid coming across as a nag, he has gone back to smoking. I want to know how to have a “feeling” based conversation about it. I know when I think of having this conversation, it makes me feel like I am rocking the boat since sharing feelings can be so uncomfortable for me and things are going so well otherwise.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:03am

Rori Raye says:
Jellybeans – This is just the beginning. You either accept it or you don’t. If it’s a dealbreaker, say so, and prepare to leave. If it’s not, then negotiate – and be prepared to give him something major in return! (You stop smoking and get sex every day, you stop smoking and I lose 10 pounds, you stop smoking and you get a back and foot rub every night before bed…) I couldn’t be with a man who smokes no matter how great he was otherwise. I wouldn’t even have started. Perhaps you can tolerate it better than I can and let him smoke, just NOT IN THE HOUSE! (very decent negotiation). Love, Rori

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:19pm
298: Sassy says:

Tam,
I dunno gf, sounds like you might want to follow Starla’s idea from after CF and just stop dating for awhile until your head and heart feels clearer.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:20pm
299: April Rose says:

I’m going to carry on dating although it’s the last thing I feel like doing.

I’m going to do it to discover more about myself in a man’s presence, and with the intention of healing myself.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:38pm
300: April Rose says:

I’ll imagine that each date peels away an old scar and leaves me new and shiney and closer to falling in love with myself.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:42pm
301: April Rose says:

Daria,
I wish I had more compassion for them.

I just spent years closing off to one. As punishment somehow???
I feel angry at my Dad and how he did not seem to cherish my Mum.

Can I rewrite that story? Please help…?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:44pm
302: MissStix says:

(((lovealways))) (((tam))) (((smile))) (((siren angel))) (((annie))) (((april rose))) (((megan-we see you))) (((belle))) (((daria)))

(((group hug)))

Sorry if I missed anyone my memory is not that great!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:45pm
303: April Rose says:

Miss Stix,

Thank you for the hug.

Something you wrote earlier on this thread has felt difficult for me and also true,

You said
“An unhappy man just sticking around where he is because he’d rather not be alone, and in many ways does not want to lose her, but will turn away easily to another woman”

Ouch. Ouch, ouch.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:53pm
304: April Rose says:

I was not his safe harbour.

Oh no.

I see that now.

The jolt has turned me completely around.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:54pm
305: MissStix says:

Yeah….ouch I feel an urge to apologize, but I won’t. It’s a harsh reality. I do feel sad to know I was a part of that reality at one point. I feel like taking a deep breath…..ahhhhhhh we learn and grow and create even more love for ourselves.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:57pm
306: Starla says:

300 April Rose,
Aw that’s a nice thing. I really like that
More hugs for you
((((((((((((april rose)))))))))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 12:59pm
307: MissStix says:

Compassion and forgiveness to me. Compassion and forgiveness to him.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 1:00pm
308: Miss Bells says:

OK–
HE is supposed to make the plans BUT:
What happens when I mention something *I* am planning–like a day trip to see the new Napa waterfront, and he chimes in and says he wants to tag along?
This FEELS to me like he is pursuing me–I didn’t invite him, merely agreed to his inviting himself. So–he had to WANT to or he would have just told me to enjoy myself. And I would have gone alone or with girlfriends, no problem.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 1:03pm
309: MissStix says:

Looking back and reflecting with compassion and understanding helps me solidify my present. That was me then. This is me now. And forever. I can not unlearn this. I sunk into this like a rock hard, bone dry sponge, and welcomed this warm liquid into every cell and empty space. I let it fill up my soul and become a part of me. This is me. mmm k. Feeling solid and safe.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 1:06pm
310: Tam says:

Sassy, I hadn’t really been dating for months, I thought it was ok but I feel frustrated…I am impatient and want to meet men I like and feel attracted to…but I don’t.
Yes, I will drift in and out of the dating…

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 1:07pm
311: MissStix says:

Miss bells

Would it feel good to have him tag along?

Yes, this is pursuit. This is him attempting to be a part of your time and space. Rock on!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 1:08pm
312: MissStix says:

Must clean must clean must clean :p Love you lazy girl resisting.
Hmmm…So G did ask me for a ride. I appreciated the way he asked “If you’re feeling bored come grab me, or i’ll take transit”. I felt good to do this. I have some things to get from his place (very close to his work) so I can pick him up on my way. So I said “oh, yep that would be good I gotta hit up your place.”. I thought about just asking him to get my stuff but my stuff is bulky and I felt too much guilt to have him carry it on the bus. I made a judgement call based on my own feelings, and went with the lighter feeling option, to make myself happy, even if it is masculine energy. I feel good about this. Go me!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 1:18pm
313: Tam says:

Somtimes I do think I made mistakes, firstly by not letting him get me from the airport and then the thing about meeting downtown, where I assumed stuff that wasn’t true and was less than enthusiastic.
Fact remains, we both made mistakes and I do still believe that if he wanted me, he would have seen me by now – 2 weeks down the road.
It’s ok, I forgive myself for my mistakes.
I don’t think anything much had changed if I had behaved differently, the bust-up would have just come later.
That feels soothing.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:07pm
314: Smile says:

(((tam))) You followed your feelings with those situations. I would havd done that too, putting my boundaries and feelings first, regardless of the outcome.

Thank you for your reply before. My friend arrived just as I came to reply to you.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:32pm
315: Smile says:

Thanks for the hug miss stix.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:33pm
316: Smile says:

Hm, now I feel I over reacted. I’m trying to be in business that isn’t mine anymore. I’m shouting get get, stop trying to work it out brain.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:35pm
317: Starla says:

thank you, universe, for the car.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:37pm
318: Smile says:

Sometimes I question if being open has just dragged it out longer for me…

I’ve only ever dated 3 guys.

I feel guilty of the thinking every guy is the right one for me…

“If you’re not watching what he does, you can accidentally use my Rori Raye Tools to keep a fling going for such a long time that you may get lulled into thinking it’s going to be forever. (Yes – the Tools are THAT powerful.)”

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:39pm
319: Tam says:

Smile, I also question this:

‘Sometimes I question if being open has just dragged it out longer for me…’

moreover, I felt Rori’s tools have made a man step up, who never stepped up so much before and in the end it was just a lot of hot air…he was inspired but still couldn’t do it. Which was my initial assessment 2 years ago. Perhaps if I had been less Siren at the beginning of the year, the closeness, opening up of him and the connection would never have happened…it was like the perfect storm. Rori’s tools, another guy (challenge) and him being in a happy place….he stepped up.
Now it’s a different scenario and it’s back to square 1 – in those two years, and particularly the last year, I could have done a lot of things if only I had stayed away rather than stay open.
Well, it is what it is.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:46pm
320: Tam says:

in two months I am 37 and I do not intend to play with a man like this for another two years, or even another two weeks.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:50pm
321: Smile says:

I need to stop thinking so much.

Now I feel a bit miserable.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:50pm
322: Tam says:

((((Smile)))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:52pm
323: Smile says:

Tam, the hardest part for me if I started dating more men is fear of having to end sOmething sooner rather than later and wondering if it could turn into more.

I want to be able to relax and not wonder where it’s going.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:52pm
324: Smile says:

My best friend since I was 9 has just been round. She’s still ace friends with ex of 10 years and has been supporting him recently. He’s been with a girl for 4 years and having a tough time. She (my friend) said he asked to meet her to talk the other day and he cried in the restaurant. I love this guy so much it pains me not to be able to help him so much when I probably know him better than anyone. I love him but I’m not in love with him anymore. I want to tell him what to do. Ouch that feels bad.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:56pm
325: Smile says:

I think I’m ignoring how I feel. I feel like I’m pretending mornings happened. But I don’t feel like crying. Maybe I’m expecting myself to feel more?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:09pm
326: Annie says:

308: Miss Bells says:

“OK–
HE is supposed to make the plans BUT:
What happens when I mention something *I* am planning–like a day trip to see the new Napa waterfront, and he chimes in and says he wants to tag along?
This FEELS to me like he is pursuing me–I didn’t invite him, merely agreed to his inviting himself. So–he had to WANT to or he would have just told me to enjoy myself. And I would have gone alone or with girlfriends, no problem.”

Good question it would feel good to hear some feedback and advice on this one.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:09pm
327: Smile says:

I think actually just going to sleep might help this situation.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:10pm
328: Tam says:

323..that’s my problem right now Smile, the men are eager to have instant relationships and I don’t want that…at all. I need a lot of time, but seems the guys don’t have time.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:13pm
329: April Rose says:

A broken heart hurts like h*ll, and heals in time.

Let it hurt. It will heal. It always does.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:25pm
330: Tam says:

I feel confident that in a couple of months or so I am over this hump and can reach out rock star style and just see how he is doing, as I miss the friendship first and foremost…to be honest. I hope he is doing well and I wish him well, even though romantic stuff is just not going to happen anymore between us.
I don’t think I can open my heart to him ever again.
In a way this feels good. It really does.
I do want the friends back though, and I don’t just miss him but our other friends too, one of whom is this old guy who is so dear to me and so sweet and he doesn’t have email…so I can’t even reach him.
I miss him terribly. He was always so happy to see me and would chat with me for hours, like I was some precious thing in his life…he would tell me all about his (very exciting) life, stories of adventure and heartbreak. Such a nice old man.
I feel angry that I have been cut off from him too.
Oh well.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:28pm
331: Smile says:

I want to play in my head my perfect relationship as I fall asleep but that feels too painful. I’m just going to feel my hurting even though it’s numb

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:29pm
332: Tam says:

I am making peace with my past ladies. I just reached out to my ex bf, because we had not been in touch since May or so…the one I let go (kids and ex-wife issues and MrP meddling and other probs). He had this very defeatist thing on POF and looked really sad, and had coloured his hair..saying he felt like a goldfish in a bowl. I just wanted to tell him that he isn’t a fish in a bowl but more like a luxurious koi carp and that I wish him well.
It feels good to tell him that.
He has low self esteem and he isn’t a bad person.
I feel like I am making peace with my past and myself.
It feels a little niggly painful but oh so good.
I am off to go out!!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:37pm
333: Simply Goddess says:

Feel sad..
He went to pick up child today and its the 1 day I havent heard from him all day.. Hes een going on faceook and didnt reply to my morning text.. etc
Hes in contact every day ut today didnt. Just feel dropped when child is about.

I leant forward, some texts were sent back and forth.. ick

Sad, lonely weekend off I guess..

Will these prolems ever e resolved..

I wish I could go away for a while and come ack when things are better..

Feel lost..

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 3:39pm
334: BAB says:

Ok I have a question that has been weighing on my mind for a while now.
Is it counter productive to let go of what’s going on in my relationship at the moment and do the steps to making my self happier and my relationship happier. But at the same time having a back up plan as far as where to live if at the end of my, as I call it thinking period, nothing has changed? Any thoughts would be helpful! Thanks

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 4:34pm
335: LoveAlways says:

I don’t feel like eating or going out and least of all putting up a profile on a dating site.

I do want to stop crying, but I must keep feeling.

I’ve decided to start circular dating a bit . . . starting with CDdj just to start getting out. I’m going to start lining up coffee dates, etc. for next week, or the week after . . . drats, this is hard. I miss HScd. I miss being with him. I’m feeling this, embracing it and then moving on to the idea of getting out and about and taking care of myself.

This all happens in waves, and they are big scarey waves crashing over my head suffocating me with feelings of pain and constant tears . . . but I’m still standing

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:15pm
336: LoveAlways says:

I’ve picked up the phone 10 times to call HScd but I didn’t do it. It’s more than not leaning forward. It’s about my boundary. I don’t want to see or speak with him unless he is deciding to be with me because he wants to whole heartedly – I can accept nothing less in my heart and soul. So leaning back doesn’t seem to matter if he is not saying what matters to me. I know there are so many things un-siren-y about what I just said, but this is how I’m feeling this moment. I feel anger, I feel sad, I feel relax, I feel exhausted, I feel head-achey (still), and I am happy about one thing today – I cooked some yummy healthy siren food (fish and veggies) and taking good care of my tummy. Through this whole Ordeal my tummy has been okay.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:19pm
337: LoveAlways says:

(((((((((Simply Goddess)))))))))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:20pm
338: LoveAlways says:

April Rose says:

“A broken heart hurts like h*ll, and heals in time.
Let it hurt. It will heal. It always does.”

Thank you April Rose, this feels good and me anxious about whether I can do this, if I’m strong enough, why do I feel too weak to make it another day without him . . . and then I realize I need to heal this very thing!

I’m a hot mess right now

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:22pm
339: LoveAlways says:

OMG
I can’t think of even spending time with another guy. I feel so weepy and vulnerable. I guess that would come across as authentic if I kept the story to myself and was just natural. I wonder

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:24pm
340: LoveAlways says:

Yes, I should maybe find a way to circular date. I’m going to go plan this somehow. Maybe just a few dates to get myself out of the house and into myself. I’m not so sure I’m ready. I might just need to take time for myself first and get some healing time in. OMG I can’t think that far ahead. I’m not sure I’ll even be able to sleep tonight. I have such thoughts racing through my head. I miss him sooooooooo much and I feel so weak and stupid for feeling this. I think I need to listen to commitment blueprint again at some point. I’m the one who broke up with him and I keep playing it back in my head.

No matter what, I cannot contact him.

this hurts

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:29pm
341: LoveAlways says:

I have to envision moving forward, doing things without him. I’ll list everything we used to do together (almost everything) and let each one go with blessings with a promise to do something different by myself to replace the thought.

I’m thinking too much

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:33pm
342: LoveAlways says:

BABS

I feel curious, why not do both?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:36pm
343: BAB says:

Well because iam currently living with my bf of 5 yrs and trying to make things better. But it seems like it
would almost be sabotaging to think about a back up plan, as if theres no way we can make it. Does that make more sense?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:41pm
344: LoveAlways says:

Okay, I feel a void, a big void, and I don’t know what to do now. I always did things for myself, like a good siren should, but HScd and I were in touch (phone, etc) constantly and regularly through the day. He was my best friend, and now there is a big gaping hole in my life. I wasn’t that close to many other people. The last time I broke up a guy I drove everyone else crazy. That was pre-siren, but I feel afraid I might do it again.

OMG, why is my life going this way again?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:43pm
345: LoveAlways says:

BAB, may I ask how does planning for back up while trying to make it work make you FEEL.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:45pm
346: LoveAlways says:

i wonder if HScd is feeling the same things that I am and it feels bad to think he is hurting. talk about confusing feelings going on at one time. I don’t know to heal this or move on from it. I’m avoiding a feeling here, I feel scared to feel it. I’m so tired of crying. Another night of crying.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:52pm
347: LoveAlways says:

he is probably busy doing stuff, I feel stupid about my feelings and thoughts, like I’m stepping in the dirty with white suede pumps

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:53pm
348: LoveAlways says:

I’m going to give in to the feeling

I feel angry that I lost my temper and broke up with him. I feel embarrassed to say that. That I caused my own pain. I fee my boundary was too forceful, too strong and I was exercising boy energy. I feel so wrong, but I had to do it, I had to be safe in my heart so I had to step back from him and that was the way to do it.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:56pm
349: bloom-ing says:

LoveAlways, one time in high school this beautiful british boy who like the same poets i did…. who i liked SO SO MUCH like you only can when you’re 16 lol…. kissed another girl at prom while i was on vacation (i got my **first** kiss that vacation; swoon, lol)….

he “confessed” that he kissed her, so ashamed, poor man; i said, i kissed someone too. he said i’m so sorry & i wish i could split you both in half & combine you & i don’t know what to do… & i said, “don’t worry about it; i’m not one of your “options” anymore.” not mad at all. we’re friends to this day. actually, he has come to me for romantic advice & i know for sure for sure that he still regrets it HAHAHA but we would have had a terrible time dating.. anywayz.

i felt so good about myself after that…. i felt great. i could have felt bad. the other girl was insanely beautiful and had this fierce exotic look to her, but a rocker vibe & she was just AMAZING but i saw that he just didn’t care “enough” about either of us. felt cool.

2 weeks later, the most handsome senior in my art class asked me out. i had been (duh) crushing on him for months & we had a wonderful years-long relationship where he chased me & was amazing… but when he proposed, i said “no.” i said i love you, but no. i can’t say yes to that. but he asked.

“confusion” turns me off like CR8ZY lol…

best to you. i feel sure your handsome, poetic lover is just HONING IN on you right now : )))) ahhh what an image ! if that doesn’t put a spring in your step : )

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 5:58pm
350: LoveAlways says:

I felt angry that his ex had been with him longer and knows him better than I do. I felt weak that she is closer to him in that way. I felt angry that he was confused that she only wants him because he is serious about me, and that she will hurt him again like she always does. I felt hurt and sad that he was not able to avoid her manipulation. I felt overwhelmed like I could not breathe because he was torn between the two of us. I felt dumb for ending up in this situation.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:00pm
351: LoveAlways says:

Thank you Bloom-ing, you have me smiling through my tears! You could very well be right. I feel so soothed by your sharing your story. put an instant smile on my face. I haven’t smiled in days, blessings to you.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:02pm
352: Sirenity says:

Sometimes I question if being open has just dragged it out longer for me…’

I believe there is a difference between “being open” to a man who is coming towards you consistently and offering the full meal , and remaining ever -hopeful, available and loyal to a man who is offering crumbs only.

I believe the remaining open is about being open to men who you might not be focusing energy on, or feeling great attraction for initially.

Its about being open to HIS energy and not directing yours at a Mr Crumby .

I am currently open to dating Hmmm ?- man who i am not feeling sparks for at all . I am hoping to be surprised. Maybe i’ll meet someone exciting via him? maybe he will sweep me off my feet???

In the past i was like a faithful dog sitting by the back door waiting to be let in with G-man . That is not being open..that is being pathetic and losing myself.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:03pm
353: LoveAlways says:

I’m going to open myself to any possibility right now. Going to listen to commitment blueprint and do some writing then get a lot of sleep. That feels good to plan something now. Good night sweet sirens ((((HUGS)))) to all.

LoveAlways

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:08pm
354: LEELEE says:

I am trying to contact MARIA a woman on this site who had dated a man named Indy Lota. I REALLY need her HELP. If anyone knows how I can reach her please let me know. Thank you.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:39pm
355: Butterfly Wings says:

Hi everyone! I’ve been napping all morning and about to have lunch but thought I’d quickly post about my night!

I was supposed to meet up with a gf for a couple of drinks, but things turned out VERY differently…

At about 3.30pm I received an email from a new guy at work which said “Hi BW, I’m reasonably new and we’ve not yet been introduced but I’ve seen you around and was wondering if you wanted to come across the road for drinks tonight”.

I had NO idea what he looked like, but figured that I wasn’t meeting my gf till 5, so told him I was finishing at 4 and was thinking of going for a drink then anyway (which I was).

So we met up in the foyer, and in heels I’m taller than him, but he’s kind of cute. He was with another guy from work but he was actually going home so he left us alone and we headed over the road to the pub.

So several compliments and many drinks later, I’m having the BEST time! A heap of people from work turned up and a group of guys from New Zealand stopped me as I walked past to go to the bathroom to say hi to me. One of them later bought me a drink, and the two guys I was with (new guy and another guy from work who is TH’s friend) were telling me that they all kept looking over at me. lol

TH’s friend also kept commenting on how keen the new guy seemed, even though he apparently knew about TH.

We then went to another bar where new guy asked me to dance, then took me by the hand and led me to the dance floor. I was practising my flirting skills, maintaining eye contact and smiling too. He has REALLY nice eyes…!

So nothing happened and TH’s friend ended up walking me to the train station just before 1am and told me to text when I got home (maybe he’s protecting me while TH is away! lol), so that was nice.

So I had a fantastic night, I flirted lots, and I feel AMAZING, despite the slight dehydration!

I’m heading out with the girls tonight, and god help any man, the way this vibe is going right now!!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:42pm
356: Sassy says:

BW-you go grrrllllll!!! Whooohoooo

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:58pm
357: Butterfly wings says:

Ahhh!!!! I love that I don’t have to go on any actual “dates” in order to CD! I feel totally guilt free! Love it love it love it!!!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 7:01pm
358: Butterfly Wings says:

I just did something that I’m not sure was the “right” thing to do, but this morning something clicked with me.

I’ve been accusing TH over and over again for having a big wall up, when this whole time I’ve also had a wall up. So I decided to take it down.

I feel really happy and confident right now (thank you new work dude and others who were checking me out last night!), so decided to email him while I’m feeling so great.

In the email I told him I loved him, I miss him, and can’t wait for him to get back. I also told him how I’m freaking out about when he flies to the next country where the girl he talks to online lives (he’ll be in her city briefly before moving on), but that whatever happens I will cope. I also acknowledged that he has been honest with me and I know he will continue to be honest with me, so what will be will be.

And finally I mentioned a beautiful pic he sent me last night of the beach, saying that I hoped that one day it would be me and him some day sharing such a beautiful view.

And that’s pretty much it!

I don’t expect a response and I am pretty sure I won’t get one. But I let my wall down and told him how I feel. And I feel wonderful that I did that without any expectations ! Yay me!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:07pm
359: Goddess Lily says:

I feel turned on and off at the same time. On because I wanna do “something” with somebody. Off because the one I want doesn’t want me bad enough.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:09pm
360: Vi says:

((((((((((R.N.AmazingMe)))))))))))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:15pm
361: Vi says:

((((((((April Rose)))))))

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:15pm
362: Vi says:

Daria’s “I want to respect men not cry over them’ felt like an aha moment to me.. yeah I mix up compassion with love… that’s what I felt for my dad when I was a child. I thought that’s how love feels like. Sigh. I feel relieved to feel to difference now.
Thank you Daria.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:22pm
363: Vi says:

mmm..I feel curious: what if the love to myself shall not necessarily feel like anger, beating up and rage and focusing on the flaws – it does not necessary need to feel like my mom’s attitude, right? Sigh. I feel like ‘hehe’ and empowered I want to have soul-based relationship with myself!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 8:51pm
364: BAB says:

Lovealways- It makes me feel bad, like i am going to make us fail just by thinking about it. and at the same time i feel in control, and thats definitely one of my triggers. Im trying not to always feel the need to be in control.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 9:30pm
365: Smile says:

Serenity 352- im finding it hard not to be hopeful by his crumb offering. So I’ve been trying to practise this tool of roris. I think my fly paper might still be a bit sticky! N

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:28pm
366: Smile says:

1. Pave Over Your Flypaper

Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches. Make it soft.

Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints…

And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

2. Leave it up to him

Let him choose: Stay or go.

I know this feels totally impossible when we’re clinging to a thread of a relationship. When we want things to work out, when we want things to go the way we want them to go. When we’ve waited so long for love, and finally a man has shown up who told us he loved us. Perhaps he even promised us love.

Yet, if you can remember this, you’ll feel SO much better and be SO much more attractive to ANY man:

The difference between what a man says and what he does are the difference between a lifelong love partnership, and a fling.

It doesn’t matter if the fling lasts days, weeks, months or even years (and, yes – many men are totally capable of allowing friendly “flings” to endure for years…) if it isn’t a lifelong love partnership, with all the commitment bells and whistles you desire in order to relax and feel happy, then it’s still a “fling.”

If you’re not watching what he does, you can accidentally use my Rori Raye Tools to keep a fling going for such a long time that you may get lulled into thinking it’s going to be forever. (Yes – the Tools are THAT powerful.)

Instead, use my Tools to bring so MANY men close to you that you NEVER feel at any one man’s mercy.

Just because you love him and are invested in him doesn’t mean he has a claim on you UNTIL he actually claims you.

So let HIM make the decisions about where the relationship is going. And YOU make the decisions about whether what he wants is what YOU want.

This is where YOU get to stay or go, too. This is THE most powerful place you can come from inside yourself – the most powerful message you can deliver to a man: That you will not be trying to convince him to be with you forever.

That, instead, you’ll trust him to make his own decisions based on how he feels and what he wants. And then you’ll see if that’s enough for you. This mental attitude can make you feel incredibly powerful and peaceful – both at the same time. Now…

3. Put imaginary plants around your mental and emotional self

Plants that will give you shade for your thoughts and feelings. Plants that will nurture and feed you… And most of all – plants that will invite a man to sit in the shade with you and share your bounty.

4. Don’t ask him to “stick”

Don’t be afraid of him going. The most attractive woman in the world is one who’s not holding on, acting like glue. The prize here is YOU – not him!

Remember – if you’re flypaper, you’re stuck to a man, too! That means you’re stuck with the ones who aren’t filling up your needs and your heart!

And, in case you want to hang onto your flypaper and put it in a drawer and take it out for “special occasions” and “special men” – ask yourself this:

Why Would You Ever Even Need Flypaper?

When a “good” man finds you – a man who’s determined to make it his life’s mission to make you ecstatically happy – you don’t NEED flypaper! He stays and sticks because he WANTS to. Because he wants YOU.

Try this in your imagination, and see how it works magically in the real world, with a real man – no matter HOW you’re feeling right now: Change your flypaper to lovely, sweet, feeling-filled you – the way you know you are deep inside yourself when you’re happy and don’t want or need anything – and change your life.

Do it one minute at a time. One tiny second, in fact, at a time. Practice it everywhere, and see how much calmer, sexier, simpler, and more relaxed you feel.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:28pm
367: Smile says:

This bit is now the bit I’m focussing on…

This is where YOU get to stay or go, too. This is THE most powerful place you can come from inside yourself – the most powerful message you can deliver to a man: That you will not be trying to convince him to be with you forever.

That, instead, you’ll trust him to make his own decisions based on how he feels and what he wants. And then you’ll see if that’s enough for you. This mental attitude can make you feel incredibly powerful and peaceful – both at the same time. Now…

This is not enough go me!!!! I get to choose!!!

But how do I choose No crumbs! without pushing him away?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:33pm
368: Smile says:

I’m trying to ride on with him hanging on my saddle! I do not need to push him off!

I need to see more men! The answer is simple!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:34pm
369: Smile says:

“And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

2. Leave it up to him

Let him choose: Stay or go.”

What if leaving it up to him looks like coming in and out!

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:36pm
370: Butterfly Wings says:

366 Smile – I think I’ve been the flypaper too.

Also trying to unstick without pushing him away.

Maybe it’s about just shifting that focus away from him and on to you, and expressing your don’t wants in FM’s?

xxx

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:36pm
371: Miss Bells says:

Now I don’t know what to do.
I feel more disappointed than angry.
I went on Match in stealth mode, and HE has been there this past evening.

He is contacting Match gals again. This after we began having sex again a couple of weeks ago.

In the meantime–I went down to the club I like the best for the Friday night music and artist guy-(maybe 8 years younger than me) was there. He sat with me all evening, invited me up to his loft (I didn’t go) and picked up my $20 tab when I wanted to leave but couldn’t get the bartender’s attention. He invited me to a thing at a winery tomorrow.

I am supposed to go up and see HS tomorrow evening.

Do I say something?

I want to say something.

I want to say–I got a creepy feeling and checked to see that you were on match last night–and you know that’s cool–but you can’t be with me and be on match. It just doesn’t feel good to me to be in a crowded room. What do you think?

Or maybe I say nothing and do the reverse ultimatum. A real one. Mimi Tanner style. No recriminations. Just becoming suddenly very busy without saying a thing.

He definitely agreed to stop contacting women on match. The agreement was no contacting women online or off.

So, now what?

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:39pm
372: Miss Bells says:

I have his laptop–I was going to see if he had been on–but it went right to his profile. He emailed 7 women. One of them he mentioned having been in her town recently. He left out the part where he was with his girlfriend–me– at the time.
I really don’t know what to do or NOT do with him.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:49pm
373: Miss Bells says:

I have thought of saying “I wonder WHY you are on Match after we talked about this just a couple of weeks ago and I thought you understood what a deal-killer this is.

Or–

I could just walk away and busy myself with other matters that concern me.

I could cancel on him tomorrow (Saturday) evening, and just drop the computer off to him on my way somewhere else.

And wait till he comes to me wanting attention.

On some level it doesn’t matter WHY he is doing this.

But my reaction does matter.

I wish I could get Rori’s take on this.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:55pm
374: Miss Bells says:

I did say to him I wouldn’t move back in without a ring. I have moved out 3 times now. I’m just saying…

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 11:57pm
375: Smile says:

370- thanks butterfly wings. It feels nice to have company on the blog. Aus right…?

I have been good at expressing my wants and don’t wants. He started to step up more and cooked me tea on Friday, totally romanced me but ‘no sex!’ We had been together for 2 years and lived together but now we’ve been elastic banding for 9 months since he moved out.
I’ve been vulnerable and we’ve been connecting which has felt great but… Letting go of expectations is what I’m working on. I’m moving and ready to start a fresh next week. I found out he’s moving too but never said anything last week. My negative vibes kicked in and I felt disappointment he didn’t say. I need to get back on my horse, keep riding!!
And most importantly…. Start dating other men!!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:00am
376: Smile says:

(((miss bells)))

If it was me I would busy myself. Make myself feel good but not do it as a reverse ultimatum. This would be about me taking care of me. Not anything to do with him.

Then if he got in contact I would share how I felt without saying any ‘yous’ as Rori suggests.

This is a script I had saved from on the blog, it might help…

You are free to contact any and all the women you want–but if you do–it just feels AWFUL to me, and I won’t stick around.

I don’t want to be a girlfriend right now. I feel like being married. You are free to do what you want and I don’t want to put pressure on you but I feel awful knowing you are contacting other women. I feel my heart drop to the ground and so not enough. And I don’t want to feel that way with you.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:06am
377: Smile says:

I’m feeling good now.

Letting go

I can’t control what he tells me

Letting go

I’ve told myself a different story

Negative vibes don’t serve me

Today I choose making me happy 

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:15am
378: Smile says:

Mmm love my Saturday mornings in bed drinking tea.

I feel congested today

My head feels painful

But i feel in good spirits now

Ruth has inspired me to get running once again when I move.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:19am
379: Miss Bells says:

#376
That is pretty close to my thoughts.

But–I actually am fine at this moment with being a girlfriend. I am in my fifties. Married three times, widowed once.

It JUST has to be a SERIOUS girlfriend.

We have a date tomorrow night, and I have his laptop.

I don’t want to sit there all night pretending anything.

“There is something bothering me. I don’t want to sit here all night pretending ANYTHING. I just don’t have enough time left in this world to pretend shit.

I KNOW you have been trying to date gals on Match. You are free to contact any and all the women you want–but if you do–it just feels AWFUL to me, and I won’t stick around. What do you think?”

But– do I stay around for dinner and netflix–do I stay the night–or do I say it and leave, and wait for him to call?

It kinda depends on his reaction.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:24am
380: Butterfly Wings says:

Yay Smile yes! Dropping those expectations is hard, but it is definitely a good thing, as is shifting the focus and CDing.

And yes, I’m in Oz! You?

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:27am
381: Miss Bells says:

I like the reverse ultimatum because it really isn’t an ultimatum at all. Just a pulling back until you have to be chased to be reached at all.

It means putting more and more attention on something else besides the man, and more and more on your self–your projects–your friends.

At no point do you initiate a “relationship talk.”

If they don’t step up–you fall off.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:28am
382: Butterfly Wings says:

I’m like you Miss Bells – I don’t need the ring, but I’m definitely NOT sharing either – it’s a dealbreaker for me.

So yeah I like what Smile suggested to you. Get yourself busy, then get a good FM ready for when he contacts you. And be strong!

xxxxx

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:28am
383: Butterfly Wings says:

I like the reverse ultimatum too, but I’d be ready with the FM when he complains about never seeing you. When he complains about why you’re always busy, then you can express your feelings about him being on Match etc.

xx

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:30am
384: Miss Bells says:

I guess I am going to have to do the power script immediately. WE are supposed to get together tomorrow night, and I have no real reason to cancel. I mean no emergencies or client deadlines.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:31am
385: Smile says:

380- bw, I’m in uk.

I’ve never dated online. I feel myself getting braver and braver everyday. I know this is what I should do.

Hm I think I might have a wall up. Today I’ll remove the middle brick and just have a peep through…

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:39am
386: Miss Bells says:

But I could say ” I’m sorry I have to cancel–something came up. I’ll drop off the computer but I can’t stay.”

The something that “came up” is that I have to clean my house….

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:41am
387: Miss Bells says:

It really is quite a mess. I spend so much time at my OLD house with him that I never have time to really move in down here.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:43am
388: Smile says:

Miss bells, take that part out if it doesn’t fit, I literally copied and pasted it. I knew this about you already though I think.

I would have strong boundaries around sharing too, marriage or not.

How are you at delivering scripts in person? I feel scared sometimesike I get a ball in my throat so I don’t say what I should. I find it easier to text. I’m working in delivering fm face to face at the min. It’s getting less daunting for me

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:43am
389: Smile says:

It would feel good to spend time getting myself sorted in my new place. I want to feel settled.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:45am
390: Miss Bells says:

Not that great at face to face, I like writing better,

I could just drop off the computer and say I can’t stay. The thing is–he thinks I am in the dark.

If I say my truth right away– at the beginning of the time we were planning on spending together, it sparks a big confrontation.

But– I don’t want to sleep over and act like everything is just FINE.

So maybe bailing and waiting till he comes to me.

Mind you– I just made it home to my place Thursday, and he called me Friday, and we are supposed to see each other Saturday. And he has never actually connected with any Match gal yet.

But he is TRYING to and that is a real problem for me.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:51am
391: Smile says:

In the dark….- I don’t know how match works? Can you just say you noticed him on there?

Hm it would not fefl good to me to stuff my truth out of fear of confrontation. I’ve been there myself too many times.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:57am
392: Miss Bells says:

Maybe tomorrow afternoon I will go to the party that artist dude invited me to at a nearby vineyard. It ends at five PM.
I am not entirely sure why I can hang with other men but he can’t contact other women. EXCEPT– if he were around enough of the time in my world to stake his claim, the other fellows would disappear.

I am not CONTACTING them. They are coming to me when i am out by myself on a Friday night because he didn’t make plans to see me. If he started showing up with me to my fave club, the other fellows would back off. But he is not protecting his claim to me. soooo…

And–I would make a real commitment today if asked.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:00am
393: Smile says:

In my mind I’ve just raised my degree of difficulty.

I’m a goddess
I won’t accept anything less than I want

I am worthy of my wants

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:01am
394: Simply Goddess says:

He texts in the week while im at work asking me to have his child and take her horse riding all weekend because he has no1 else to and is choosing to work overtime all weekend (after working all week)
This would e me sitting in his mums all weekend (someone who hasnt spoken to me for months since he moved out – who doesnt want him there never mind his gf)

Because he texts and doesnt actually speak to me about things before I had chance to reply he had text back doesnt matter my mum is having her.
The a few days later he asked again, I was at work and before giving me chance to reply he put “take that as a no! Forget I asked!!” Ouchie!

He was fine when he came down he doesnt mention it ut then when he went to pick child up yesterday I didnt hear from him.. He seemed to have a little mood on when I text – I ended up saying why dont you invite me down the weekend to spend time with you both in stead of just saying for me to have your child. (He didnt invite me down at all seen as I hadnt had child – even tho I hadnt even had chance to say yea)
He said well what do you think that means, of course thats an invite down!

Argh.. I feel bad about this..

Hes updating his status..

“work work work, im a workaholic” etc.. I see his friends updating theirs about how theyre having a lie in or plans with the girlfriends..

He works so much.. It isnt what I want when Ive a tough job and im off the weekend.. I feel lonely waking up on my own..

Ahh..

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:15am
395: Smile says:

I’m moving my energy away from him.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:30am
396: Smile says:

3168: Dominique says:

Janette – The only way to attract a man and have it stick is by taking all of this intense focus off of him. Stop worrying what he’s thinking/doing/feeling.

You haven’t even met yet, so essentially you don’t know each other. This is not a relationship. Everything can and will change when you meet for real.

Now and for always, you need to keep your focus on you, what makes you feel good, what fills you up, activities, people. I would also encourage you to work on healing yourself on all levels, learning what you feel how you feel, learning how to express yourself in ways that do not blame or make another feel wrong, learning how to feel as relaxed and at ease as possible as often as possible so that you can remain as clear as possible.

You cannot force anyone to feel anything. So you continue to uncover/discover who you are and step more and more fully into this authentically you woman. He will be attracted to you, or he won’t. You don’t even really know if you will like him at this point anyway.

And if it’s not him, someone else will step up and want to claim the precious gift which is you.

xxoo

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:39am
397: Smile says:

Back on my horse 

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:40am
398: Smile says:

“Stop worrying what he’s thinking/doing/feeling.”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:42am
399: Daria says:

im haveingg great success and feeling excited about letting people see me as i am

“Let them see you shake”

and so i expanded it to let them see you get numb, have judgementla thoughts, get all uptight in the body,

and still letting mysef make eye contact keep heart open and connect

its been feeling really great – i usually avoid pepoles eyes in these times and now im lettting htme see me

it feels so relaxing and freeing for me now

mmmhhmmm

and men are coming out saying i know you want a guy to treat you i didnt get it at first cuz i wasnt mature but now i get it

lol hehe

i feel great

guys are totally looking at me when i do my lean back and just look peaceful in my place

and ouch evn when i get something thta tdoesnt fel good ive been able to notice myself get triggered

and also ouchwhen i dont express anger i wound up feeling depressed after

(((Daria)))

mmm i love me

oh and this guy got me a cab and ti was taken caer of a dn i felt so uptight w urges to control and i let it happen instead

(((Daria)))

thank u

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:45am
400: Heart says:

#266 – Tereana could you elaborate on that? I feel intrigued….

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:07am
401: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Thanks for thoughts and hugs Vi…Well good news dad got approved for VA benefits and mom’s chemo is not as expensive as we were thinking i mean its 500 bucks a treatment but at least i know I can help pay for it. she will not go without treatment! What a relief but still going to try to set up a fund for her that people can donate. my mom is an amazing woman if people know her they will want to help!!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:17am
402: Heart says:

#171 – Thanks Tam.
Well Waterwheel is good…..
and you can practice breathing in and out through your hesert.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:31am
403: Simply Goddess says:

ME:

“When the times comes if Im expected to have ‘child’ while you work and take her to horse riding, then it might feel good if i was spoken to or included in decisions about these things in the first place..

I dont want to feel shut out when it suits but then exoected to step up when it suits.. That jut doesnt feel good to me..

What do you think?”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:42am
404: Simply Goddess says:

HIM

“I think.. You just go out and get drunk tonight with ya mates tonight.. Seriously you’re making out like I shut you out when I blatantly dont at all.. You get asked.. I can’t force you to have my child and to tell you the truth im used to it now!

If you dont want to respond when I ask you to have her (through text an hed replied angrily before I got chance to) its up to you but dont try spin it on me sayin I shut you out!”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:45am
405: Simply Goddess says:

ME

“Re read it, I get asked to have ‘child’ yes.. An it actually wouldnt bother me.. But do I get asked what I think/feel about having her, What I think feel bout taking her horse riding every week, What I think/feel about you workin all the overtime BEFORE decisions get made? No.. Theres a difference..

I dont want to be shut out of all decisions ut then expected to step up when theyve been made.. It doesnt feel like a partnership that way”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:48am
406: Simply Goddess says:

HIM

“Youre a strange one you! So I have to give you some sort of emotional feelings test before I ask you to have her? Bottom line, you dont want to! And it doesnt matter now does it.. At least I know if I needed you to ‘step up’ what the answer would be.. Like Ive said, Im used to it now, Just go on and get on with your day and night now!!”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:50am
407: Simply Goddess says:

ME

Getting angry

“You’re used to it? I always had ‘child’ while you worked, You’ve asked me once since you’ve gone ack to work 2 weeks ago and I said yes! But as I cud only have her at mine u thought it was easier just going living back at ur mums instead haha unfortunately everything cant all be on your terms!”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:52am
408: Simply Goddess says:

“You never ‘always’ used to have her.. You;ve had her a few times! Like Ive said forget about it now! Im not arsed!!”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:52am
409: Simply Goddess says:

Sheesh..

What am I doing wrong.. tell me honestly..

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:53am
410: Simply Goddess says:

Its not that I mind having her..
Its just he makes all decisions on his own.. (Deciding he’ll work overtime the weekend he has his child) (Deciding he’ll book his child in for horse riding every week with no1 to take her) (Deciding he’ll send her horse riding with no money to afford it)

Then.. if at the time I say any thing about this he snaps at me.. He’ll do what he wants.. But then as time draws nearer needs me to be the one who takes her, minds her, pays for her etc.. and asks and because hes already said he’ll work, said he’ll take her, he gets angry as Ive not replied straight away and snaps again..

Argh..

Hes always done it with his mum and sister.. Absolutely treats them awful but then ecpects them to run round after him or have child when he needs them to..

Now hes doing it with me..

I actually dont mind having her.. Its just the expectation and angriness and being shut out of the initial decisions when im the one it will affect.. He cant understand this..

I feel really.. bad.. and apparently Im strange for wanting to be involved and talked to about something that will affect me.. argh

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 3:00am
411: Heart says:

#410 Simply Goddess – I know it tough when your attached but Dump him. This guy is a User and a user . Jump into an ocean of love and start dating.

If you can’t dump him then start Cding.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 3:17am
412: Heart says:

user and a loser

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 3:17am
413: Simply Goddess says:

I feel so upset, angry, sad, confused..
I cant win

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 3:40am
414: Smile says:

(((SG)))

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:11am
415: Smile says:

I feel good having options. Yey! Hm I can choose what I want!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:12am
416: Smile says:

409 SG, if it were me I’d try more fm 407. How do you feel about it?

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:14am
417: Heart says:

(((Simply Goddess)))
just breathe

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:15am
418: Sirenity says:

Simply Goddess..I felt very turned off when I read what he is doing with his daughter..not being there for her, booking her for riding AND EXPECTING YOU TO PAY ????? and then lashing out at you as though you are the one at fault for not providing the required services.

I wonder do you have private you and him time?

I feel compassion for him trying to give his daughter what she wants. i feel bad because you will always be second. Worse still I feel stressed for him!!! But I suspect he is creating this stress for himself by not handling his life effectively . And it is not up to me..or you..to guard his feelings.He is probably a good man who loves his daughter and maybe you too! But all he knows how to do is go out to work and let someone else sort the child care and relationship stuff. This is not uncommon with men..good men.

Sighh…Big hug SG .

I couldnt do this, but maybe you can?

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:17am
419: Smile says:

Tam, I saw this and thought of you.

“Perhaps he’s a nice guy and you feel “guilty” about “leading him on” – when what he’s really there for is for you to practice Telling the Truth!”

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/welcome-all-men-as-your-free-therapists-and-let-them-help-you-get-the-man-and-the-love-you-want/

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:25am
420: Sirenity says:

i agree about more FM, but actually a full Rori speech is called for as this is a BIG issue..

” I feel …upset ,angry, sad, confused. I dont want to reject your daughter but I feel at a loss when her care is left up to me and her riding lesson is left up to me.
I feel bad that I am not her parent and I am looking after her and arranging and paying for her activities.

I want to be in a relationship with you that is growing and moving forward and I feel stuck right now. I also feel anxious about moving in with you. I feel uncertain about what would be expected then and how we would feel.

My feelings are important to me..I am just a girl here.
I wan to feel light and free with you as your special girl..(GF, partner or whatever). I dont want to be a stand in mother . What do you think?

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:28am
421: Sirenity says:

Smile ..thanks
There are so many men out there, and they each have Messages for you. Let them come. Let them get close. Practice with them. I guarantee you – if he shows up – he’s there for a reason, too.

The lesson and the Message he’s there to bring you – the lesson he showed up to deliver and that you’ll learn by interacting with him, even for a moment in passing, will certainly help him, too, with the lesson and Message YOU’RE there for. And there’s absolutely no way you can know this in advance, so you just have to experiment and experience the interaction.

This post is all about my feelings of guilt and maybe leading on Hmmm??? CD

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:31am
422: Smile says:

Taking out the *yous* and putting in the *I’s* Babysteps

Great script serenity

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:35am
423: Tam says:

Before I read back – hello Ladies!!
I had a lovely time with English CD yesterday…we laughed a lot (as always, we have the same kind of humour), and everything flowed.
He asked me to come on a business trip to Jamaica with him over Thanksgiving…wow…sounded like a big deal to me. No crumbs anyway.
He isn’t pressuring me in any way and hasn’t really initiated anything physical which suits me fine because I don’t know how I feel about that. We kissed when we parted and it actually felt ok. Not so bad. He is very busy so I can see other men without him feeling like I am playing with him.
He did say he doesn’t understand how women here date multiple men and I just said nothing.
Ironically, we are totally on the same wavelength about the relationship/fwb etc thing and I guess it shows that we hail from a similar place and with similar values. He said ‘I don’t know what happened, but when I was younger, it was a case of either being together or not, and now and especially here, you just never know. Some women are married and they don’t tell you, others justw ant to ‘have fun’ and don’t tell you’. Yeah, that resonated.
Maybe we can be friends, and maybe something develops there – I don’t know.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:42am
424: Sirenity says:

I am thinkingof one for Hmmm CD next meeting when he will prob put more sexual pressure on me…

“It feels great to be wanted in that way, and I feel giggly and perky and special. But I dont want to move this relationship to sex unless I am feeling really attached and close and I am not feeling that just now.I dont know which way things will go and I feel good just enjoying the moment for now.What do you think?”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:43am
425: Sirenity says:

Or more honest and direct..

” I am feeling friendly towards you and enjoying your company. It feels strange waiting to see if that chemistry spark is going to cut in. So far i am not feeling that. I dont want to move into sex with you while I am feeling uncertain and friendship only , what do you think?”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:47am
426: Sirenity says:

Tam this sounds like fun and just relaxing into it..maybe you are about to be surprised!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:49am
427: Tam says:

And then….well, this morning I woke up thinking of MrP, and how it was with him. And suddenly I felt terribly sad because I realise that everything was so hard for him, any physical contact, kissing and more – he never quite knew how to initiate that and felt awkward…and he couldn’t ever quite let go and ‘feel’, he was always tense. And the fact that he just wouldn’t have said ‘let’s go away for a weekend’ because it would have been stress for him to be so close to someone..away from his comfort zone, his house. He asked me to stay there often, because that was ok.
Suddenly I feel pretty despondent, because I feel that he too deserves happiness and a relationship, and even just as a friend I can see how women would see all that, once they get to know him beyond the superficial. I worry he will be alone.
Oh, but everybody has to go their own way…and maybe he is even dating someone now, who knows.
I feel almost like I can’t ever go there anymore.
And that makes me sad.
I don’t know why.
Because I know he will be back?
And I know he will be disappointed, like last time when I had a boyfriend and he saw him, he looked totally sad and like someone had hit him…I guess he knows he can’t do it but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t got feelings.
I do feel like the ulimbical cord has been cut and I have to let a baby go, whose progress I watched and had his back always…but he needs to walk his own way now.
So sad.
I don’t want to see him sad, but I much less want to see me sad. And he has had his chances so many times, and he was so afraid to take them, always just edging forward a little and then running…..such a good man and so troubled, it’s making me sad.
But I do feel like something snapped inside me after three weeks. The flick has been switched.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:51am
428: Smile says:

Serenity, I love 424!

It would feel great to get to know each other gradually, I don’t feel ready for lovemaking.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:51am
429: Smile says:

Hi tam!!

Glad you have fun with englishcd 

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:52am
430: Smile says:

421 serenity 

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:53am
431: Tam says:

Sirenity, yes maybe. I feel a little numb about this, no excitement but ok, you know.
Friendship is good also, who knows what will happen..

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:53am
432: Smile says:

This makes it so useful to find stuff, thanks Rori

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/post-directory/

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:54am
433: Smile says:

Tam, hope 419 helps. My gift to you 

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:55am
434: Sirenity says:

Tam I am feeling sad over one guy I last saw 2 years ago after 5 years of an imaginary relationship. I know he will be back one day.The thing is what we do with that sadness. I use the energy now to go online and tend my profile and tend my garden and my family and lots of other stuff. i still feel the sadness but then i transmute it into a moving energy that loves ME.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:58am
435: Sirenity says:

Tam as long as its not repulsion…then you could still be surprised!!!!And as long as you arent promising sex or love and just throwing yourself into fun , thenits good for him too!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:00am
436: Tam says:

Hi Smile, yes, felt a bit like coming home, we had much fun. He is very funny, typical Brit man….we talked about our favourite comedies…and were looking at boobs and bums the whole night long. Here in the bars they make the girls wear hideous stuff, with boobs hanging out..and I couldn’t help but stare so we laughed about that because he said it was funny to see my eyes wander from the waitress’ eyes to her boobs…and I said that I can’t blame men for starting ever again because I was doing it myself!!! Then we went to Hooters because he thought I wanted to see more boobs…it was pretty hilarious…no but really, I do like to look at pretty women too, and it is quite interesting to see all the fake boobs and make-up etc, it was like a trip into another world..haha.
Hmm…

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:01am
437: Smile says:

Tam, the word boobs makes me giggle. Sounds like you had a *hoot*!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:03am
438: Tam says:

Sirenity, wise and good words. Yes, I am willing to be surprised and I am not jumping into anything.
I guess I like the English guy a lot because he is not pushing me at all….this feels nice.
And he is busy.
Regarding the imaginary relationship, well I believe MrP was often in an imaginary relationship with me in the beginning, he saw me as his gf but never communicated that to me…so we had lots of misunderstandings…and deep down I do know how he feels about me – but he is a very troubled man and I can’t go into his problems/issues too much here..it is amazing how he has come so far in his life, by overcoming a lot of obstacles and incredible intelligence. Mainly, I think I had the impulse of looking after him. I often felt sorry for him, and that is not the basis of a relationship. I often felt I had to protect him from something, but he is a grown man.
What can I say?
I feel more sad for him that he is losing me, than for me that I am losing him. Honestly. He really has nobody. He has peeved everybody off with his behaviour, friends and family..and they do come back but he is fundamentally alone. And he feels that.
But in time maybe we can be friends. I would love to have him in my life, but always at a safe distance.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:07am
439: Tam says:

Smile

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:08am
440: Tam says:

Smile, thank you for 419…

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:09am
441: Tam says:

Urgh, so much for a relaxing weekend, MrNap is already in at 8:15am, guess he couldn’t wait to see me….yikes.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:16am
442: Sirenity says:

Smile I am still absorbing not needing to feel guilt!!!

But i am not contacting him. I think he is a little unsure now because I am not calling, texting him at all..no initiation after 4 dates.

I want to practice remaining open with this CD who i feel no chemistry for..open to friendship , company and exploration. Frankly he bores me and is socially somewhat crass…unfunny “jokes” to wait staff etcetera..maybe its me who could do with a shake up..meanwhile i choose to believe he is benefitting from this practice at least as much as i am

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:18am
443: Annie says:

373: Miss Bell says:

“I have thought of saying “I wonder WHY you are on Match after we talked about this just a couple of weeks ago and I thought you understood what a deal-killer this is.”

I don’t get it.
If it is a deal killer and he crossed a boundary, what action did you say you would take?
And do you want and will you now to honor your words by taking that action?
Men respond to actions and distance not words.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:46am
444: Silver Moonbeam says:

#432 Smile

Wow thank you so much, it’s really easy to find stuff now.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:54am
445: LiliBee says:

432:

Smile,

I clicked the link, and went through the list. The 1st one to catch my attention enough to open the post and read was exactly what I needed to read this morning.

So Thank You for sharing your find.

” But it’s the same as the age-old saying: “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”
No matter how obvious it is that a man should be with you – it doesn’t mean he will.
His inner workings may be not-understandable to anyone, including him – and yet they still may be running him.
Change is so difficult for some people that they would rather live in misery than take a chance on something new.
Fear is tricky, and change requires a belief in ourselves – and a belief in the kind and beneficent nature of the Universe as well – that’s often beyond the courage we can muster.
If you encounter a man who’s stuck – instead of trying to dig him out, try accepting his stuckness, seeing that it’s possibly mirroring a kind of stuckness of your OWN, and just moving on to the next unknowable moment.
Forgive him, forgive yourself for anything or any thought or belief or judgment you’re holding onto, and just float into the next moment with your arms and your heart open wide.
If you like, try gathering your desire for what you want for your life, and see how it can possibly overpower your desire for a particular man.
Gather your desire together, feel its strength, and harness it for your brave ride into the unknown.
You don’t have to “let go” of a man who can’t ride with you (or doesn’t want to) – just feel your desire lift you up and carry you onward.
Love, Rori “

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:04am
446: Smile says:

Lillibee, your post helped me too! Thanks.

“You don’t have to “let go” of a man who can’t ride with you (or doesn’t want to) – just feel your desire lift you up and carry you onward.”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:20am
447: Smile says:

Silver moonboom, I’ve unearthed some great stuff from this find!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:20am
448: Smile says:

Ha ha moonboom! Lol moonbeam. Love my phone 

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:21am
449: Smile says:

Sirenity, I wonder what his message for you is? Or just the opportunity to practise lots of stuff as it comes up.

I’m gonna find me some more men to practise on! 1 just ain’t enough!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:25am
450: Simply Goddess says:

Anyway, I’m sending this from my iPhone whilst sitting in a hot, bubbly bath..
There’s been tears but they felt healing.
I feel better.
I feel a bit worried sometimes about how much I’m posting on the blog. I think everyone must think ‘too many problems, get rid!’
Maybe one day but right now I still lie in hope that the problems will ease. I just want to be happy. This helps x

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:35am
451: Simply Goddess says:

I must include its only been once or twice I’ve paid, albeit he used my card without me knowing. Often his mother has had to pay though. I don’t like painting a picture that isn’t truly him.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:40am
452: Smile says:

Simply goddess post away! Rori said to me make it feel like home 

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:53am
453: LiliBee says:

446:

Yep Smile,

I’m taking his calls, accepted his dinner invitation…then I shared about the plans I have for MYSELF:

Girls night out tonight
Gettogether with my refound long lost soul sister
Fun outting while he’s away on vacation with his buddies
Vacation trip with my long lost soul sister
A 2nd vacation trip with a fun gang.

I don’t need to depend on him to have a fun life.
I can have a fun life without him.
It’s up to him to join in by stepping up if he wants, or weed himself out as I will be cd’ing on those fun plans.
I have other options than being all hung up waiting around for him to provide fun plans with me, I can provide my own fun plans.

“You don’t have to “let go” of a man who can’t ride with you (or doesn’t want to) – just feel your desire lift you up and carry you onward.”

My desire is to have a fun filled life.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:54am
454: Simply Goddess says:

thank you smile
It does help x

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 7:02am
455: helen clare says:

/Hi,Rori, I am so sorrythat I have to trouble you again, But I do seem like getting any resolve from customer service, they ask me to keep the CD,which I have not have . I really dont think I should have pay some thing that I dont even have, Iknow you said that you dont deal with business side matter. But I do feel Like to explain my situation. I am the person been dump by my 40 years marriageshusband , He left me for some one young er than my daughter. ( you have even send me a nice mail, as I have put a blog on your site after some one been dump by her husband 35 years marriages.I have ordered couple programme few years back when i was having problemwith my husband. but now I have find out my Xalredy have contacted his girl friend , yes they used to only contact through phone text
( I have seen with my own eyesthe text that he sent to her stated that how much he love her)and e mail. until begining of this year, he used our money booked a ticket to philippine to stayed with herfor 3 weeks, and come back told me it was best 3 weeks in his life, and I knew then our 40years marriages is over. sorry dear Rori, no offends, I dont think that You can do anything about that.any way . I have promised my self that I will not let anyone hurt me again, and I dont think I can trust anyone again. please rori I dont think I can deal with another problem, I am so hurt, mental ly and phyically, I am waiting to have hip op. thank you so much in advance. best regards helenx

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 7:17am
456: Miss Bells says:

#443
I live in a world more gray than black and white.

But I will say what i have to say.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 7:49am
457: Starbright says:

Simply Goddess,

It is true that what one writes here is not the whole story. There is one thing that sticks out to me that you wrote about and this is how he treats his mom and sister. And, that now he is doing that same bad behavior with you…Very important to notice those types of patterns as they will continue unless the person doing them truly wants to change.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:14am
458: Starbright says:

453: LiliBee – Yeah you!!!

Great reminders for me too! I keep forgetting that I bring the fun! I don’t NEED a man to make my life fun! It feels fun to also have a man, however I’m not dependent on him for feeling good in my life!

And, I agree with you: “My desire is to have a fun filled life!”

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:21am
459: Simply Goddess says:

I’d posted this earlier – Didn’t realise it had gone to moderation.

Thank you, I really like your words and your speech Serenity..
In fact I agree what you said whole heartedly in your 1st reply, even feeling compassion for him. He doesn’t organise his life effectively and expects everyone else to step in.
Eg. New year we were short of money and planned on staying in. After a chat with friends he signed us up for a big super club VIP booth NYrs eve, hotel the lot.. I wasn’t happy he hadn’t discussed, he said i was being a bitch and anyone else would be grateful! Not to worry about money, he’d sort it..
When new year came, I ended up paying most of it..
This issue clearly affects a lot of things – child, money etc he’s impulsive.. I agree he’s trying to keep everyone happy.. But in completely the wrong way..

I wish I could run away for a while and let everything sort itself out.. It’s exhausting and a worry

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:26am
460: Simply Goddess says:

Thank you, I really like your words and your speech Serenity..
In fact I agree what you said whole heartedly in your 1st reply, even feeling compassion for him. He doesn’t organise his life effectively and expects everyone else to step in.
Eg. New year we were short of money and planned on staying in. After a chat with friends he signed us up for a big super club VIP booth NYrs eve, hotel the lot.. I wasn’t happy he hadn’t discussed, he said i was being a b1tch and anyone else would be grateful! Not to worry about money, he’d sort it..
When new year came, I ended up paying most of it..
This issue clearly affects a lot of things – child, money etc he’s impulsive.. I agree he’s trying to keep everyone happy.. But in completely the wrong way..

I wish I could run away for a while and let everything sort itself out.. It’s exhausting and a worry

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:27am
461: Simply Goddess says:

457 – Starbright

I know. However, even with his mum and sister he thinks he is doing no wrong.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:27am
462: The girl says:

Dearest Rori
I have a question which for me is so important;
I met this so amazing guy this summer
He went straight to my heart.
We did not click, we did not change number
he is a friend of my families
It was the first time I met him
I am 38 and I cannot remember feeling like this before
After we left that town, I he was still in my heart.
Only there, very deep inside of my heart.
After a month I decided to send him a funny sms
he answered
he saw it as if I tried something, and yes I did.
I wrote another sms
he answered me that I was a very nice girl but he did not feel “it” for me and wished me good luck
I sended two more sms and he answered them,very nicely and very sympatic
I accepted, that he was not interested. I appologized for the way I had contacted him and I got this very nice sms again that it was absolutely no problem,that I had done good and unfortunately he did not click.
I did not answer, I am not planning to answer.The more we talked through these sms es I felt deper for him in my heart.He is 37 and single with no children,
and he told me it doesn´t click often with girls.
I really do accept that he do not want to go on a date with me or anything else.
He is though, the most amazing guy I ever met and I feel that we could be the best couple, and I know he will guys almost never change their mind and I accept it.But do you have any advice, anyway?Can I do something? I know I should forget about him but it is impossible.I do not even want to forget him.He meant and mean very much to me and he have touched my heart in a way that is unforgettable.Do you have anything to say about it?
lots of love/

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:30am
463: The girl says:

PS…I used feeling messages in the last sms and I am very sure that is why he answered it so nicely

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:34am
464: Tereana says:

Oh, Miss Bells – ugh. That sounds awful. It reminds me of when my friend discovered her bf had been cheating in her – as in sleeping with a lot of other women. Contacting them on match is just as bad. Pick up your stuff and go. Tell HS (if that’s the guy who’s been on match when you’ve been sleeping with him) that something came up, and go with this other guy. Even if the other guy is just for fun, go for it. He sounds nice and genuine. Yes, pull back and be distant. If HS asks you what’s up, then you can tell him. But an angry confrontation probably won’t make him want to change anything…he’d have to realize that he’s going to lose you. Or that he’s losing you already….((hugs))

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:36am
465: Femininewoman says:

RE 423 Tam as CCarter would say “the man in the story is him and woman in the story is you”. Maybe English was trying to send you a subliminal message of what he might be thinking about you. It might even be a subliminal threat that if you are dating other men he might walk. But that is all crap. Men know they don’t own you until they claim you. About the trip to Jamaica, I am pretty sure it would be fun but as CCarter suggests, you should be clear that you would do that kind of trip with a man with whom you are in a committed relationship that is going somewhere. That way when he thinks of you he thinks of you as a forever girl, not a girlfriend for now. CCarter suggests that when they want this type of get away with a woman they are not projecting any further than that moment. They just want a companion for that trip kinda thing. In the meantime we generally assume that it means more.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:44am
466: Femininewoman says:

LiliBee thank you for the post on stuckness. It reminds me of Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. He seemed like he was stuck his whole life maybe because he loved Catherine who had married another man. He made his whole life miserable after that and the lives of everyone else around him, including his beloved’s daughter. I am looking at my own life’s stuckness. Just yesterday a supervisor told me to pretend to be an ant. Everytime they fail in an attempt to do something they keep trying until one day they finally make it to where they are trying to go. He was talking about my career and not giving up. It was really a profound analogy that gave me hope. I intend to apply it to relationships with men where I choose not to remain so stuck on one man that I can’t the million others in front of me.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:49am
467: Smile says:

461 FW/tam

I would love to go away with you but this is something I save for a man I am in a relationship with.

This is just me practising by the way as to what I would say. I want to get better at speaking fm to a man in the moment. At the minute I spend ages editing and thinking about stuff then text. I want them to just roll of my Tongue in the moment.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:51am
468: Femininewoman says:

RE 418 Sirenity/SG that’s the reason I stopped commenting. I sense it is a very unhealthy dynamic that keeps going through the cycle of rinse, wash and repeat. It really doesn’t read like romance. For me it is more like endurance, resentment, tolerate. I don’t see anything that suggests cherish, adore, worship. Men want to do for their women. I keep thinking of this man as a taker.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:55am
469: Rori Raye says:

The girl – I’m so sorry you’re in this emotional situation – and it’s called “a crush.” The work required to transform a man who is not interested into one who is is the stuff of movies. It hardly ever works – and often takes dramatic circumstances beyond our control. On the other hand, Tom McKnight has written a very interesting book called “Love Tactics” which, essentially, is about creating a friendship with a man that transcends everything else, and somehow compels him to be in a relationship with you. The only thing is – the man still has to be interested in a friendship. He has to want to be around you. He has to have SOME romantic feeling for you. Please, please, please participate here, and begin to Circular Date so you can get a better feel for how men actually are, and how they operate, and see if you can get a feel for when a man is “into” you.

Also – did it ever occur to you that perhaps this man (who doesn’t click often with girls) is gay? Love, Rori

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:17am
470: Rori Raye says:

Helen, I’ll forward this to my customer service team and see if they can contact you and help you…Love, Rori

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:19am
471: Miss Bells says:

#460
Actually sleeping with others FEELS worse–but the message is the same.
I am still deciding how to deal with this.

I have considered telling him a story about two OTHER people. Or saying “I feel so much better now that you’ve agreed to stay off Match–cause if you were still on there I would have to break-up with you.

OR

I know you’ve been contacting OW on Match –don’t even try to deny it—
And it feels AWFUL to me–like your heart isn’t with me–I don’t want to be with a man who still feels the need to chase OW, even if they are just fantasy Match gals-I feel so inadequate, as if I were competing with thousands of perfect women who never burp or throw -up or say stupid shit–I don’t want to compete with ANYONE–I want to be with a man who is sure I’m the one–a man that loves me and appreciates me just as a I am–Who is ready to change their relationship status on FB and tell the world. I want to be half of a real couple. And maybe that just isn’t you. So I am going to go back to my house while you think about it… If this really isn’t going to work I’ll be sad, but I’ll survive. I just need to not be here if you are going to keep chasing OW.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:39am
472: Smile says:

I feel astonished.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:42am
473: Simply Goddess says:

468 – I know FW, I sensed that.
You gave me so much advice but at some point you’ve said all you can.
I don’t come on and comment when he does nice things. After that week apart he stepped up and took me out on 3 dates. Nice places to eat and paid. It felt really good. We got on well. However, we’d not seen each other and when it feels good again the last thing felt like doing was talking about the problems. Unfortunately I’m learning, they don’t just disappear.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:42am
474: MissStix says:

Smile 366

Yes. Thank you for sharing this!!!!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:43am
475: Miss Bells says:

#473
No–the problems don’t disappear. I can relate to part about not wanting to talk about it when things are good. And right now–they ARE good as far as HS knows.
I can spill or wait.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:50am
476: Smile says:

I’m telling myself a new story.

I feel relieved and see this as a sign of him coming out of cave. I feel I’ve inspired him to fly the parental nest. He feels more manly to me now that he’s making this move for himself. It feels like he’s moving forward in his life. He might not move towards me, that’s okay. It feels like a weight has been lifted. In my eyes he’s turned from boy to man by making this choice.

Now I can feel desire for me lifting me up, carrying me forward. I feel less stressed now I’ve rid my mind if my negative vibes.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:50am
477: Smile says:

Miss stix,  your welcome. It’s my favourite tool.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:52am
478: Miss Bells says:

I am pretty sure I don’t want to go up there tonight as planned and have this discussion.

I am not sure–should I CALL him and tell him something has come up?

Or wait till he calls me with the same message. It doesn’t seem quite right to break a date without saying something.

Or I could go and say what I have to say and see what happens. But–I don’t want the awkward moment of whether I am staying and if so where are we sleeping.

Maybe go before dark so I can leave.

Or tell him I am not going to go to his town today as i expected–but he is welcome to come to my house and get the computer if he wants. And then feel out the timing on the love script.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:05am
479: Miss Bells says:

I am obviously feeling confused and disoriented.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:05am
480: MissStix says:

SG

You said you feel like you can’t win.

This stuck out to me the most.

And I see you clutching onto the crumbs. Crumbs are crumbs. The little bits he’s putting out there to keep you hanging on. Just enough. I would love to see you find a man capable of giving you, “it all” instead of just enough.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:09am
481: MissStix says:

SG

I would love too see you say “I am worth more than nibbling his crumbs to find nourishment.” You can find that nourishment within yourself. And have a whole circle of men more than willing to feed you grapes and fan you with palm fronds while you lay back on your Goddess throne.

Try to envision this.

My throne is a chaise with deep purple satin apholstery and hand carved ebony I get fet fat black cherries instead of grapes. mmm

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:16am
482: Simply Goddess says:

Crumbs are crumbs and I deserve it all..
Fell in love with the wrong man.
Feel a lump in my throat.
It’s hard.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:21am
483: Daria says:

((((Simply Goddess))))

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:25am
484: Simply Goddess says:

I know. Thing is I know I could have lots of men, lots of dates. Easy. I’m not one to chase AT ALL. I’m so fussy.
I have men on my facebook messaging wanting a date. If it doesnt work out with him let me take you out etc etc..

Its rare I meet someone I feel like this for. When im in Im in completely. I wish I could go out tonight and meet someone. I’m going out tonight anyway but I wont meet anyone like that. I feel lonely without him.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:25am
485: Simply Goddess says:

Thanks Daria.. Feel so helpless x

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:26am
486: Daria says:

No Name CD (my most recent lover) resurfaced with a Skype address to skype w me (after hella weeks lol) he’s stepping up! figured skype out and everything

the thing is, im already back now lol

i just saw his message and regavve him my number

im having wonderful feelings staying centered and just being

men are all over me but they seem more involved with other masculine energy women around me, yet persistently ask for My number and contact me when they leave

lol!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:28am
487: Daria says:

when im falling in love with damn near everbody and being in love with myself, the pain of being in love with one wrong man is so bearable and even healing

(((Daria))))

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:29am
488: Daria says:

i feel squirty with happiness dry on the outside ,kinda fuzzy right under my skin

mmmm

i wwant to stir myself up and warm myself and feel all gooey and swirly

that would feel like a great massage and a rest

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:33am
489: Smile says:

When I first came to the blog, some one re posted something about being a pond and receiving. I can’t really remember who it was written by or any more detail I just remember thinking ‘I get it!’ and all roris work seemed to be summed up for me.

Does anyone remember the post I’m talking about and where I could find it again…?

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:43am
490: Miss Bells says:

I am going to go up and get my prescription cashed in HS’s town. I am out of meds and the script is still up there. While there I will drop of the computer and have a chat.
Still early enough.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:48am
491: Simply Goddess says:

Haven’t heard from him all day..
He’s just put on facebook

“Curry, munchies and film with little legs. Joys of growing up.. and I wouldnt change it for the world!”

I know now daughter is off for a week on school holidays.. No wonder hes caused an argument, nothin new.. Every bloody time..

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:54am
492: Simply Goddess says:

He’s put it to hurt me.. never puts anything like that
I put as my status “Go out with some glamourous girls or sit in and watch x factor on my own?” Everyone put to go out..

Then his status came.. Argh.. It does hurt..

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 10:56am
493: Sassy says:

Ladies,

Join me on my new site and enjoy some great jewelry:

http://www.sassyssparkles.kitsylane.com

Your privacy is the utmost importance to me and will NEVER
be revealed.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 11:00am
494: Sassy says:

Miss Bells,

Good luck. I feel sad reading about all of your confusion.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 11:02am
495: Miss Bells says:

I have a man “sniffing around” me. 8 years younger I’m guessing. Cute.
I would go to his winery thing–but I am feeling sleep deprived right now.
HS’s Matchcapade kept me up till 2 AM–then my housemate put his alarm on SNOOZE and left. It woke me up at six AM.
I feel like I don’t look as good as I want to.

But–maybe HS WILL “feel” this other dude showing up. I am not discouraging artist dude even though I supposedly have a boyfriend.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 11:10am
496: MissStix says:

(((simply goddess)))

<3

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 11:11am
497: Smile says:

It feels great to relax. I’m switching my brain off and entering the world of strictly. I’m imagining I’m a dancer and my dream man is sweeping me off my feet. That would feel romantic 

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 11:11am
498: Dominique says:

Lovely Sassy, thank you for sharing.

xxoo

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 11:28am
499: Sassy says:

Watching “He’s just not that into you” Ugh, eye opening

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 11:41am
500: Sassy says:

Oh, Dominique. Thank you!!! Come back often

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 11:43am
501: Dominique says:

I will, Sassy, have my eye on some hoops.

xxoo

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 11:51am
502: Smile says:

Beautiful sassy 

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:03pm
503: Sassy says:

Thank you, Smile! I feel so excited and giddy, lol.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:20pm
504: MS says:

I’ve had a really peaceful ‘me’ day – wandered round the shops, was just happy and people kept coming to my help and being so pleasant and helping me which was nice as on a Saturday people are generally just trying to get their shopping done. There’s a lot to be said for having a peaceful vibe about you. I cooked nourishing food and am sitting with a glass of wine listening to the radio. I feel I did the right thing telling G I needed to move on, but when I’m feeling so mellow I just miss him and I know he’s going through bad times. I feel bad having told him by email that I was leaving the relationship, but then he did leave me without contact for 2 months. I have so much love to offer, why do I feel the need to feel sympathy for G, he has been so down on himself for a long time and I was finding it hard to handle. He wrote he feels sorry for what he’s put me through but just isn’t in the place for a relationship. Letting go even when you’re sure there’s no relationship is so hard. But I’m getting a lot of energy from this site and am just going to go against my nature to send him an uplifting message which is what I normally do for people I care about, and keep leaning back and focusing on me and what I deserve…thank you for the positivity.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 12:49pm
505: Tam says:

I feel like I have finally arrived in Florida
I feel so much better
People are smiling and happy and saying hello to me everywhere..
Men are honking their horns at me as I walk on the sidewalk.
My friends are starting to come out of the woodwork and I have dinner dates and breakfast dates (with friends not CD’s)
I remember what I wanted, thanks to English CD who reminded me who I was and what I like
I let go of conditions that no longer serve me, I have decided to close my heart to MrP and no longer speak to him with feeling messages or the ‘Rori way’, as I don’t want him to step up and hence continue the misery any longer. I want us to be friends and it will be on my terms and when I am ready. That’s all.
I had a total turnaround today.
I hope this is ‘real’.
It feels like a switch in my brain has been flicked and like I have woken up from delusion or a long sleep.
Wow.
Long may it last.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:31pm
506: Tam says:

465. FW, I don’t think I will go to Jamaica with English CD, it has just reminded me of what it is like to be included in plans, advance plans, to be booked, to be adored and cherished.
It reminded me of a lot of things.
In any case, I do not want to push him into claiming me at all, as I am not really into him…so I am certainly not pressurising when I don’t even want him (ever or yet, who knows). So if I decided to go to Jamaica, which is unlikely, I’d feel happy to go as a non-gf…and as just a trip with a guy friend….I will cross that bridge when we get to it.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:36pm
507: Starla says:

Hey ladies:)
I’m at the coffee shop. I spent the morning running errands in my new car:D and I got myself some feminine accessories for my car, like a subtly rhinestone studded leather steering wheel cover and a black fur seatbelt pad so it doesn’t irritate my skin on my neck and chest.

Now I’m here working on some promotional materials for a great band in Europe.

I heart my life.

And I feel eager to get through this work so I can go home and be lazy

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 1:50pm
508: MissStix says:

Starla

Sounds fabulous!

I love my girly car accessories

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:25pm
509: Starla says:

Well, all that writing flowed right out of me very quickly, and I’m done with my work:)

Hehe, I feel charmed and blessed and magical.

I think it’s so cool that I make money doing things like this.

And I can see myself working totally for myself in the next few years. And working maybe 20 hours a week at that.

Love my life.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:28pm
510: Starla says:

Miss Stix,
What girly accessories do you have for your car? I feel so curious!!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:28pm
511: Goddess Lily says:

(((Simply Goddess)))

I know its easier to vent about the bad stuff but I feel tension in my stomach reading HIS words.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 2:42pm
512: Femininewoman says:

SG you are such a beuatiful girl who deserve the absolute best

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 3:29pm
513: zara says:

304: April Rose says:

***I was not his safe harbour.

Oh no.

I see that now.

The jolt has turned me completely around.***

———————-

I want to be a safe harbor to available men who can become my captain.
You dodged a bullet with this one.
He is married to another woman, he can not become my captain.
He is just looking for a safe home to be in where he can go on with his work and day to day life. Like an orphan goes from shelter to shelter.

If he had dropped dead in front of you, his wife and legal family would have stepped in YOUR picture, taken all his belongings, fame, souvenirs you bought for him, and whatever products from his life and shut you out of his own burial.
Does not matter that you worked with him to create what they’d had taken, it’d still would have been their right to take it from you.
Does not matter if it is your energy and your love that made him create whatever he created, they’d still would have had the legal right to take it all from you.

You took the risk of being the forever mistress when you let him move in with you before he legally let go from his old flame, and before he did anything FOR you.
The mistress who gives shelter, energy and warmth to the man so he can go on living and producing for his legal family, while she receives crumbs in return and is pointed at and shut out when he dies.
Or is left when she expresses her needs.

He did not divorce and he did not make a will to protect you from his old flame and from his family.
His instinct did not tell him to claim you as his beloved one even if only after his death, through his will…
May it be his love button has been broken and he loved you the way he can love, with no feeling of belonging. A bit like some orphans adapt to the foster mother until they find a new shelter.
May it be the subconscious link he created to his old legal flame is still aching and he can’t cut it loose. He might say he does not want the old legal flame to get half their family assets through a divorce. Yet, by staying married to her, he states to Universe she is the one who deserves all of it when he dies.

Whether he lives with you or the next woman, regardless, another woman wears his name.
He chose to keep belonging to his wife legally or to keep his wife belonging to him legally . Or whatever other way it goes in his mind, who cares, the struggle is his, not yours.
I feel relieved you are freed from being in the middle of his personal marital fight.

Life gives you a break today.
A chance to get back on your feet and open your heart to available men.
To practice being a safe harbor to available men.
A chance to discover what you want, to state what you want and to receive what you want before you commit to any man.

I am rooting for you.

xxx

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 3:49pm
514: zara says:

438: Tam

***Regarding the imaginary relationship, well I believe MrP was often in an imaginary relationship with me in the beginning, he saw me as his gf but never communicated that to me…so we had lots of misunderstandings…and deep down I do know how he feels about me – but he is a very troubled man and I can’t go into his problems/issues too much here..it is amazing how he has come so far in his life, by overcoming a lot of obstacles and incredible intelligence. Mainly, I think I had the impulse of looking after him. I often felt sorry for him, and that is not the basis of a relationship. I often felt I had to protect him from something, but he is a grown man.
What can I say?
I feel more sad for him that he is losing me, than for me that I am losing him. Honestly. He really has nobody. He has peeved everybody off with his behaviour, friends and family..and they do come back but he is fundamentally alone. And he feels that.
But in time maybe we can be friends. I would love to have him in my life, but always at a safe distance.***
______________________

“…
As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (this didn’t work, but only for 43 years), I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were
….

Byron Katie ”
http://www.thework.com/thework-turnaround.php

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:02pm
515: Sassy says:

Where is everyone? On HOT HOT HOT Sat nite dates???

One could hope!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 4:35pm
516: zara says:

354: LEELEE

I would try addressing her in a thread where she has posted herself.
http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/is-your-fear-of-being-weak-pushing-love-away/
*If* she still gets notifications from the thread, then she will get the notification that you posted. It might attract her attention.

xxx

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 5:59pm
517: zara says:

oops, I see that’s what you did 2 days ago. I Had not read the last posts on there.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:04pm
518: Daria says:

yay! i’ve been having my ‘a couple days ahead of time’ for plans boundary and it feels so Easy! just rolls off my tongue

awww

yay

hehe

just got a guy who poofed right now and im feeling GOOD!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:06pm
519: Daria says:

Smile – there’s a pond tool and it’s in the e-letters…

i mention being the pond often…

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:12pm
520: Turquoise says:

Girls, I’m on an actual date with Mr. C and having the best time. It’s sweetest day in America and so happy to be spending it with the sweetest guy I know. He’s awesome. I’m so happy. No big talk, he knows what I want and we are enjoying being together. Dinner and a movie, amazing conversation, he’s paying, opening doors and saying how great I look and smell.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:37pm
521: Butterfly Wings says:

Yay Turquoise! xxx

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 6:43pm
522: Daria says:

yay my 10 minute phone time boundary is so working for me!

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 7:43pm
523: MissStix says:

Starla

I used to have the steering wheel cover, but had to get rid of it cause it wore down, but i’ve got a pretty butterfly decal on the back and the mats. I have mardi gras beads from my stagette and a piece of jade hanging on my rearview

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 7:48pm
524: Tam says:

Zara, wow interesting take you offer me there:

‘find that I am the very thing I thought you were’

I am not going to wear that ‘shoe’….just because I know I have good friends that I don’t fall out with on a repeated basis. And I have had live-together long-term relationships, neither of which he ever had…so although there might have been a lot of projection and similarities…nah. I am not dragging myself down to his non-communicating, passive aggressive and ‘the world hates me and I hate the world’ level.
The man is not well, and I have seen things I never saw before….and somehow maybe overstated the good things about him (which he does have). All our common friends know that he has problems and we have talked about it.
I am choosing to believe that I had the sensitivity to tune into it – from my own experience – and give him a lot of leeway..more leeway than people without any issues or a fragmented family background would have given him.
I am no longer willing to. There is unconditional love, but I believe this is reserved for one’s offspring.

He never answered my email. I did offer to help him, strictly friends only and on my conditions – and the not answering just shows me that he is incapable of communicating like an adult, or unwilling. So he is looking for help, he should be civil and friendly – I do not feel inspired to help him at all now. I used to think ‘aw, he is in a low, aw, he has troubles bla bla’…so what?
I am often in a low and feel troubled, but I am still managing to be polite and civil to my friends, and function in my life, work etc.
I just feel turned off….and not at all that this behaviour is similar to how I would behave.
Yuck.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:11pm
525: Sirenity says:

Yaay all you hot Sirens!

I am relaxing on Sunday here after a quiet family Sat night. ..(again!)
I am wondering how good might it feel to go on a hot Sat night date with a man who I felt excited about?

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:19pm
526: LoveAlways says:

Hi Sirens:

Feeling anxious tonight but it feels better than feeling pain. I’m feeling borderline numb, but I took good care of me today.

HScd and I met today. Gave him his stuff, we embraced, talked, still love each other, I’m leaning back, set my boundary with him, spoke feeling messages, I’m open to the universe for whoever and whatever, just not in a rush. The love is still there and I need to turn it inward to myself now more than ever. I don’t want to be hurt again. HScd and I may reunite at some point in the future, but I’m going to CD (no dating sites though, this time). I feel different now after this breakup, not needy in anyway. I feel balanced

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:21pm
527: LoveAlways says:

Listening to music
feel it soothing my soul
yeah baby

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:22pm
528: LoveAlways says:

Spoke with CDarmy tonight, he made me smile

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:24pm
529: Tam says:

all the talk of ‘when you get here we will do this and that’ and everything else: hot air.
I see it for what it was.
I feel happy and free of this hot air.
And being engaging with men who appreciate and court me, who adore me and offer me trips, exciting dates and friendships and not make me feel on eggshells.
Wow.
I feel free, easy and happy.
I also feel a little sadness but now mainly for myself for having held on for so long to an idea..just an idea.
I feel like I am breathing clean air and not polluted air, polluted by analysing the wrong stuff…

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:26pm
530: Tam says:

Also, I feel that the friendship ‘you are my best friend bla bla’ was subconsciously used as a way of deflecting from the ‘not being able to commit’. Friendship is safe. But if he really felt only friendship for me, he would have answered my email, he would have seen me already.
It was all one big lie in order to keep my expectations low, my romantic expectations. He fancied me and wanted a sexual relationship and maybe more, but he called it a friendship because that was safe…and when he felt safer, he called it a relationship…and then a friendship again.
I feel mindf*cked, because now there is nothing, zero.
What a revelation.
I am happy to feel like this, like I had a long hard look at the truth finally – and I feel ok.
Not angry, not really sad, just ‘ok then’.
Aaaaah, the relief.

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:31pm
531: LoveAlways says:

Tam

Men do that often, the friends to relationship to friends, feels great to realize it when they fall into that and step away. CDex did that to me, what a friggin sham

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 8:55pm
532: Daria says:

im feeling so lovely with myself

all sleepy and melty and satisfied

thank u for making me wonderful food

thank you for making me infusion

thank you for doing laundry

for beautifying the dishes

mmmmm

thank you for being ccreative about food

thank u for uploading and making me beautiful videos

thank you for lighting my salt lamp

thank u for putting shoes on

Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 9:51pm
533: Daria says:

oh wowie thank you for doing that stretch for me yum

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:25am
534: Daria says:

hehe guess what 19 man – who moved away 2 years ago and blah blah called me and said he’s moving back to cali… haha… guess he misses me after all ( i told him not to call me again when he kept brining up something about his ‘gf’ , plus he was thinking he wanted to be polygamous, smh lol)

and he wanted to talk – we used to talk long and deep – and actually i was so sleepy i told him i feel too sleepy and thak u for callin me hehehehhe!

oh and one of my guy friends that i know likes me and that i had kinda got a thing for at one time, i texted his odl number and now BAM he just called me right now

but he is not even at the old number anymore wow!

my energy is all magical from far away

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:44am
535: Smile says:

Yey Tam!!! Break free from the rinse repeat cycle!!!

You are the yummy pie!!

You deserve love, true love!

I feel like a cheerleader!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:10am
536: Smile says:

Daria 534, exciting

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:11am
537: Smile says:

Daria, thanks for telling me the pond tool is in an eletter.

I hope Rori sends it again soon, I really want to read it. I never recieved it. I keep all my eletters. I think it would be great for new sirens to read too.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:14am
538: Smile says:

Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!

Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!
Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!
Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!

Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!
Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!

Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!

Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!

Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!

Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!

Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!

Rori, please send the pond tool as an e letter!!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:15am
539: Daria says:

” Mandy, if he’s a “pond,” that makes you a
“River.”

And it’s pretty impossible for two Rivers to
work together – there would be confusion, butting
up against each other – two GIVERS just don’t
have sexual and emotional chemistry.

But take a River (a Giver) and a pond (a
Receiver) – and it works perfectly.

Your River energy flows into his pond.

Only – if what you REALLY want is to be a
POND, as almost ALL of us women do in romantic
relationships – then being the River in your
relationship will be deeply unsatisfying.

In my Modern Siren program, I use a lot of
images from nature, images and Tools that are
easy and FUN to use, and that work from inside
you to change your “vibe” around men – almost
instantly.

The Siren is about ATTRACTION – and how – just
because you’re a woman – you can turn a man who’s
acting “casual” about you to a man who’s
desperately devoted to you – forever.

My Siren program also shows you:

– How you’ve been suppressing your own
Siren power because of your own life experiences,
and how to tap into that natural feminine power
again

– How to interpret his behavior accurately
without having to ask

– What to say and do when he acts a certain way

Learn more by clicking here:

http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/ModernSiren/

Here’s the weird thing – pond-type men can be
very enticing.

They’re often sensitive and fun – and they
seem so unattainable it gives them a kind of
“mystery.”

And we may have experienced, in our histories,
that no one gives to us, no one treats us like
we’re a lovely, deep, still pond – everyone
EXPECTS us to GIVE.

Everyone expects us to be a RIVER.

We are always NEEDED.

And we’re taught that this is the way to get a
good relationship with a man.

We’re taught that if we GIVE, a man
will love us. And it backfires.

Sometimes a man is just a pond. Just a sponge.

He may have no idea how to be or ACT LIKE a
River.

And there’s almost no way you can teach him.

(And we try our hardest to teach him, usually
by DEMONSTRATING how to Give, by doing it
ourselves and hoping he’ll follow suit – but of
course, he doesn’t and that upsets us even more…)

If you’ve been following my work, these
newsletters, my eBook and programs, you know
about Over-functioning.

You’ve perhaps (I hope) already stopped
initiating conversations and sex and affection.

And still, your man may only step up very
little of the time.

So – here’s a Tool to increase your POWER in
this situation – and that’s to: BE A POND.

Okay, so what does that look like – to be a
pond?

Well, a pond is a gatherer. Water comes in
and stays in the pond, like it’s a cup.

A pond is also deep. It has a bottom that’s
earth, and sometimes the earth gets stirred up
and the pond gets cloudy and dark, and sometimes
it’s still and everything solid falls to the
bottom and the pond is clear.

A pond is a RESERVOIR. It HOLDS things.

And, it nurtures ITSELF.

A pond feeds the greenery all around it, and
the fish and frogs and one-celled creatures that
live in it. A pond supports life.

And if you go to a pond, you can drink, you
can find something to eat, you can relax, you can
lay down and be yourself.

A pond doesn’t jump up when you call or fix
dinner when you ask it to.

A pond doesn’t start sex, but once you wade
in, a pond responds with everything from gentle
swirls to powerful waves.

A pond can be small, or a pond can be big – it
can be a LAKE, actually.

So how does that look on the couch when you’re
watching TV?

That looks like you leaning way back and away
from him and putting your feet up on his lap.

That looks like you taking off your shirt and
just sitting there topless.

That looks like you having your own snack and
not even offering to take care of him.

That looks like you laughing your head off at
what you’re watching on TV and not even THINKING
about HIM or whether or not he’s going to touch
you.

That looks like, if he’s standoffish, saying
(during the commercial or when the show’s over)
“I feel a bit disconnected…is there anything I
should know?”

Or…”This feels a bit weird and lonely to me.”

Or…”I feel untouched. It doesn’t feel good.”

Or…”I don’t enjoy being invited into the
bedroom to join you and you’re already lying
down…it just feels too passive to me. I liked
it when you grabbed my hair and kissed me
passionately that time in the parking lot…I
miss that…”

Ponds talk. They speak their feelings. AND a
pond does not jump out of the earth.

And…remember this…if a pond does not get
watered, by the clouds, or by a stream or river
that flows into it – it will dry up.

Do you feel dried up?

That’s an awful feeling.

A pond might say “I feel like I’m drying up…”

So – it’s not enough to just ACT like a pond
and not Over-function. You have to FEEL like a
pond.

You have to not even let your brain get to
worrying about what he’s doing – because that
would be like the pond worrying about how the
river is flowing – and ponds don’t worry.

Ponds are way too busy supporting all the pond
creatures that live inside it – like YOU attend
to your body, and your heart, and your hair, and
your nails and your feet, and your sensuality and
your orgasms, and what’s really important to you
out in the world, and everything that’s related
to your PLEASURE.

If he can learn to act like a River – he will.

He’ll all of a sudden start flowing to you -
because that’s what men are programmed to do.

Men we meet and know may have LEARNED to be
ponds – but inside their DNA, inside the cells of
their bodies, is a HUGE, overpowering desire to
be a River and to flow to the woman who can
RECEIVE everything he wants to GIVE.

And, if he can’t – if he’s damaged or broken,
or just cannot learn anything new – then you’ll
know.

And the most amazing thing is – by then – you
won’t CARE.

By the time you’ve settled into the
gloriousness of being a pond in a romantic
relationship – if he isn’t acting like a River,
you’re going to be bored.

No pain, no heartache – just “ick..I seem to
have lost it for him…”

Try Being a pond. Try imagining yourself not
only ACTING like a pond, and leaning back and
cutting back on all that you’ve been doing in the
relationship – and try imagining yourself FEELING
like a pond.

Soft, in the ground, open, warm, inviting,
liquid, constantly changeable and growing – a
beautiful combination of dark earth and clear
water – a fertile place for love.

And when you sit across from him at dinner, or
next to him on the couch in front of the TV –
FEEL like a pond.

And let me know what he does.

Be sure to check in with me about your pond-
ness – I love the feeling of stillness and POWER
it gives me.

Love, Rori”

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:28am
540: Smile says:

Your so magical Daria!!!

Thank you from the bottom of my glittery heart 

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:31am
541: Smile says:

I feel like a pond!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:37am
542: Daria says:

hehe yay i felt inspired

thank u daria for making me orgasms yay

i feel so heheheheh giggly and embarassed heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

i love my embarassment

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:57am
543: Daria says:

thank u for brushing my teeth

thank you about thinking of sexual romantic fantasiez with men

thank you for being open and caring for my heart so much to not asign meaning that gives my power away

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:59am
544: Daria says:

and for assigning meaning that Gives me power

heheeeeeeee

yay

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:00am
545: Daria says:

thank you Smile

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:02am
546: Daria says:

a guy just messaged me and got my number on pof
hehe

yay masculine men its so easy for me to open up to them now

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:08am
547: Butterfly Wings says:

RAWR!!! Now I’m just feeling angry. TH isn’t talking to me, and I have NO idea why. I know he received a message I sent earlier, but he’s not responded, and has been online twice since then.

I asked him over an hour ago if there’s something I should know. He came online half an hour ago, but did not respond.

WTF????

WHY am I still there, putting up with his sh*t????? So over it right now…

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:40am
548: Butterfly Wings says:

Ok, so he replied finally, saying that he’s been out all day and to “not be like that when I don’t answer straight away”. Uh, if you’d not been online more than once since my first message, then I wouldn’t have asked the question!!!

Angry at the world tonight. Including my mother, who had a go at TH via FB. I’m so mad at her, and sent her an email telling her I love her, but to butt out of my life. I’m a big girl and can take care of myself.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:55am
549: Sirenity says:

BW..Big hug..can you lean back?
no contact initiated by you?
no expectations?

After all , there is no relatiomnship so he owes you nothing. Thats how he has set it up as I understand it and you get to decide whether to accept those terms or not longer term. But for now it seems its your hopes and expectations which may be causing your pain. Its not his actions, its your expectations that hje will act as if in a relationship.

I understand how hard it is to let go and stop obsessing and concentrate on whats in front of you now. And it hurts.

I hope you had a wild Sat night out!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:15am
550: Butterfly Wings says:

Ha! Well…uh… it seems my cranky mood has caused me to possibly think the worst in a not-so-bad situation.

He told me he’s been out all day, but that his phone has been locked in a safe all day (which he told me days ago he’s doing that) and he believes that it’s showing him as active on and off, due to the signal dropping in and out.

I’m not sure if it’s true, but I choose to trust for now, so shall see how I go with that! I do feel better though, and I suppose that’s what counts.

I will continue to flirt with work guy though – and I have arranged a dinner date with a close gf for next week too. Will have to also come up with other plans for this coming week too….

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:16am
551: Simply Goddess says:

Ahh heavy head.. Went out last night haha

Haven’t heard From him at all..
I’m really confused as he was fine all week by then all of a sudden fri the day he picked his child up he’s barely spoken to me.
This isn’t a relationship anymore.. He’s not speaking to me and for what reason? It cant be the childcare issue as he was fine about it all week.. All he seemed to want to do was say ‘forget it now’ on those texts so he didnt need to spk to me, its like he had his excuse..
Can’t do this everytime he has his child

What feeling message can I send
I can’t be in a relationship where he’ll just stop speakin, ignore me etc
Ifeel used

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:18am
552: Butterfly Wings says:

Thanks Sirenity. I had a great night both Friday and Saturday night, and I keep remembering parts of Friday night where the new guy kept complimenting me and he mentioned one particular skirt I wear that he’s quite fond of. I will wear that skirt tomorrow of course… lol

I felt so good and it made me realise that I’m just about ready to give the speech to TH that I am going to start dating again. I’ll wait till he gets back though. But until then I’ll do the flirting thing. And I’ll accept invites from this guy too.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:23am
553: Femininewoman says:

BW I believe you should be asking yourself why are you monitoring a man’s online activity while he is thousands of miles away? I believe if you are honest with yourself you will admit that it says a lot about you and the life you choose to live. I really do believe that it is best to turn the microscope back on yourself. While reading 547 I have to admit it revived memories of reading about the ball and chain women that men are so afraid of. It reminded me of the reasons why many men choose their freedom over women they love. It helped me to look at myself and how I am around men.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 4:39am
554: Butterfly Wings says:

FW, I see your point, and I can also see how he could see it that way.

I guess I’m just used to being with attentive men and I have NEVER been like this with anybody else, ever. But then again, I always knew that the guy was into me, right from day 1. So I felt 100% confident always.

Up to me now I guess to decide if I can be with one who’s not so open about how he feels, and who I feel insecure with… I’m not sure I’m cut out for it to be honest…

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 4:51am
555: Femininewoman says:

Tam it is a very strong assertion to make that he is incapable of answering like an adult. He might just be choosing not to. He might be afraid of the intensity of response he might get. He might be just afraid of going round and round in arguments. He might just be busy. He might just be accepting of the fact that you need more than what he can offer right now. It might be a combination of a lot of things. Who knows? The bottom line is he is responsible for making his own life choices.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 4:56am
556: Simply Goddess says:

I can relate BW xx

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 4:56am
557: Butterfly Wings says:

Thanks SG. Although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, it’s good to know someone understands. xxx

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 4:59am
558: Femininewoman says:

BW girls need attention. I agree. However guys must choose to want to give it. You can also choose to work on yourself to reduce the intensity. Remember when you pull away, walk away, lean back, this energy works like a magnet pull the man in? I think of it as an energy charge. The thinking and intense focus works as an electrical shock to the man’s energy so there is nothing he can do to come close because the charge shocks him into numbness or pain. I encourage you to look at this pattern of intense focus on men that might have showed up in other relationships. Remember you are the common denominator and the other two relationships did not work out.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:01am
559: Femininewoman says:

I think if the energy in relationships like electricity. The intense focus going from the female acts like the charge that causes electrocution. I like to experiment with that thought to see if men really come forward.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:03am
560: Tam says:

555..yes FW, but I consider it rude. And I have been very understanding of all this kind of behaviour before. I am not anymore. That is a deal breaker for me as I consider it disrespectful.
If a friend offers me help, I answer ‘yes, please’, or ‘no thank you’..that is just my upbringing.
He has manners and a good upbringing, it’s a ‘statement’ that he is still upset from 2 weeks ago.
It’s more of a pout choice than a life choice. And I have had it.
It is what it is.
I was understanding for 2 years. That mode is a condition which does not suit me anymore.
Not with this man.
And then he does not need to wonder why he is periodically losing all his friends – and he knows. He says ‘I am a real sh** sometimes’.
I decide that yes, that was a great self-assessment there. I should have listened.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:04am
561: Tam says:

Smile, you and the pond..hehe..I feel giggly…

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:07am
562: Tam says:

in a way it’s great because I got shown all the things I do not want in my life anymore. I have the chance to make-over my life. Have people in it that are not instable and prone to lashing out and disappearing.
My life-my choice.
Feels very freeing, like a big painting where I get to choose the colours.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:09am
563: Tam says:

555. and by the way, my offer of help actually stated clearly that this would be on a friends only basis and with mutual respect and so on. So afraid of arguments and afraid of intensity doesn’t count. It was about as easy and no-intense as it gets because that was the only way I would do it.
He is brooding and I am tired of it. It was just a plain offer of help, as friends – what he had asked me for before. Not answering and saying at least ‘no-thank you’, is not an adult way of dealing with it. And I stand by that, and I don’t need friends like that.
He is not too busy, he usually answers emails within 5 minutes. It’s a statement. YAWN!!!! Whatever.

I am off to brekkie with one of my real friends.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:13am
564: Rebecca says:

Hi Sirens!

How are you all?

I am trying to catch up on the blog..

Tam are you still in Florida?

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:17am
565: Butterfly Wings says:

The thing is, when he’s home, he does a whole heap of things to show that he’s interested.

He initiates almost all contact, he recently started stepping up in a big way, initiating more contact through the day, taking me out to dinner, showing me more affection, and the list goes on.

And FW, the last two relationships I ended. The first one because the guy was abusive, and the second one cheated.

With both of them, I was not laser focused on them. At all! That’s what’s weird about this.

With ex #1, he would go out on these dodgy boy’s nights out, and it never bothered me at all.

Ex #2 is kind of cute and had a lot of female friends, and he used to go away on boy’s weekends, and again it was all perfectly fine. He would even text me at 2am when he was finally back in his room and ready for bed.

The difference between my two exes and TH is that I have never really felt secure with TH. But with the other two, I never doubted for a second where things stood.

That’s why I’m questioning if I’m cut out for this. With the other two, was a natural siren, both chased me, and I wasn’t focused on them at all!

I think part of the problem was my reliance on TH in the early part of our “relationship” when I was still living with my ex and needed an escape. It meant that I “needed” him. Ick…

So I need to find a way to move from feeling powerless to powerful. And I will CD as much as I can while he’s gone. When he’s here I feel kind of trapped. I don’t want to feel that way, and that will be part of my talk with him soon…

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:17am
566: Tam says:

..ha, of course I was his ‘best friend’…because the others just don’t stood for the bs for very long.
Truth.
Same with work people, family etc.
He has great relationships with those that don’t live nearby…and on fb….he has pissed off the entire rest. Go figure.
I don’t want to rant here because I am really done with it now, the flick has been switched, well and truly, but I see now. The reality. Yay!!
he is a good guy – at a distance – and in small doses.
I wish him luck, really.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:19am
567: Tam says:

Rebecca, yay, I am and finally having a great time!!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:20am
568: Femininewoman says:

Tam something I have learned through being a mother, what I experience as disrespect the other person many times feels puzzled by. It is a word I have used in social circles and with my kids and I find I have to explain to people what causes me to feel disrespected. It seems disrespected means different things to different people. I realize I have to keep negotiate it with my son more than with my daughter. I have to admit though that I do feel disrespected if I believe someone is ignoring me. When I verbalize or ask if I am being ignored sometimes I am told “I am thinking about how to respond”

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:32am
569: Tam says:

568…FW..trust me, I know the man. Deliberate.
He is livid about something he has constructed in his mind. Always the same.
And he knows what he is doing. His brother once drove 300 miles in a day to see him and he left a note on the door ‘gone surfing, waves too good to miss’….and his brother drove all the way back.
He later said to me ‘my brother is the only one who has always forgiven me for my blunders, because I can be a real ‘sh**’ sometimes.
He is not naive…he overthinks everything.
He knows exactly what he is doing..and then some.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:35am
570: Simply Goddess says:

Same here BW.. In my last relationship I was the complete opposite.. I was so secure because he openly showed his love.

I’m off out with friends again now.
Why am I suddenly feeling guilty though. Thinking he’s at work and he aske me to have his child and I look like I’ve gone out drinking with friends all weekend instead.
When really I went out so I’m not sat home alone.
Feel guilty because of what he and his mum/sis will think.. it’s strange.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:35am
571: Tam says:

sooo tiring. If I was to say now ‘this friendship is over’, he’d chase me down.
Always the same thing, for 2 years, always the same patterns…Jeepers Creepers.
Yawn, yawn, yawn.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:37am
572: Butterfly Wings says:

SG you go and enjoy yourself and flirt like crazy girl!!!

Trust me, it’ll boost your vibe and may help you to realise what a catch you really are!

Best thing I did was go out Friday and Saturday night this week!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:39am
573: Tam says:

568, you see FW, I have given him the benefit of the doubt one time too many…several times too many.
No more benefit of the doubt.
If I had a shred of doubt that this wasn’t a deliberate snub, things might be different. I just know him too well…and it’s really time to see things as they are.
No rose tinted spectacles and no ‘benefit of the doubt’.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:39am
574: Femininewoman says:

BW I hope you realize though that trapped feeling was created by yourself. It really is not his responsibility to release you of. It you weren’t exclusive with him, or have him living in your house maybe you would not have created that feeling? I believe if I was having a fun filled vacation to come back to a serious talk from a man I was not married to I would feel turned off. It would be indelibly printed in my memory as a killjoy. Obviously this person has nothing going on their life and is waiting for me to rescue them and offer them some joy and fun is what I would think. Frankly speaking I would want to be so distracted to having so much fun that any talk I would have with him upon return would be about passionately sharing about my life with him. You energy (thought and attention) should be so far away from him that he feels miserable with his buddies. Your attention is one of the greatest gifts you could offer to any man.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:40am
575: Femininewoman says:

Tam all I can say is I am responsible for what I create and accept in my life. I don’t find it easy to change my patterns so I accept that it is not easy for others to change their patterns so sometimes I allow people to act as mirrors for me.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:44am
576: Tam says:

I feel totally at peace right now.
Like all the bad stuff has fallen off me.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:45am
577: Tam says:

575..FW..mhmmm..makes sense.
And it makes sense to realise when those mirrors have done their job and it’s done.
It is what it is.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:46am
578: Rebecca says:

Tam

Reading your last couple of comments on MrP (I am trying to catch up so forgive me if I’m getting this wrong).

It sounds like you are done with him? Also, reading about some of the things you are saying about him is reminding me of my ex-boyfriend. Cool as cucumber on the surface and treated me like I was an afterthought to him. I would feel like he was spending an allotted amount of time with me etc.. Then when I wanted to split up with him he went berserk – kind of like on a power trip. I felt like he wanted to yell at me ‘How dare you split up with me, don’t you know how great I am!’…

We split up 2 years ago and he is still trying to ‘get’ me back. Sometimes I also wonder if it’s a pride thing and he just wants to get back with me so that he can be the one to finish with me…

Sorry for rant… (Just my two cents..)

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:46am
579: Butterfly Wings says:

574 FW – exactly, and that is partly why I think I have to have the talk to him about dating other men while he makes up his mind.

That way the pressure is off him and I’m no longer feeling trapped.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:47am
580: Butterfly Wings says:

But in the meantime, I have two week to get busy with and enjoying life!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:50am
581: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca that’s it. Men have big egos that ours could never match. That “how dare you” is a man thing. I also believe they test us. Sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously sooo it is in our best interest to really live our lives. If you get back with him while dating others and not fully “focussed” on him how could he finish with you first? How could he win when he is the one begging to get back and he will only be one of a lineup until he totally invests by offering what you want? Anyway the cookie crumbles wouldn’t it be win/win for you?

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:53am
582: Tam says:

..of course, the other thing is that he didn’t need my help at all..it was just a case of edging closer to me. And after the thing two weeks ago, that is no longer on the menu as he got disappointed. Sooooooo…it’s all very inauthentic. And I called the bluff now.
No surprise at the hiding. None whatsoever.

He never needed my help ever, but he always asked for it when he wanted to spend time with me. Because he would never say ‘I’d like to see you’ as that would be revealing too much.

Yawn, yawn, yawn….oh so glad now….
Processing this feels good.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:54am
583: Femininewoman says:

BW I hope that in the two weeks and enjoying life you will no longer have the need to talk, but he will have that need. Because he is desperate to know why you dropped off his radar. That to me is power

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:55am
584: Tam says:

Rebecca, yep, done deal.
I offered him friendship only, and helping him with his stuff (as he asked me three times and I never really committed), and now he has dropped lip, although this is what he said he wanted?
So now that’s it for me.
No more for now, no staying open, no Rori way. I do not want to inspire him at all, it would just be a short term thing.
He want to be hermit. He said so.
I take it for an honest answer.
Oops, off out ladies!!
Laters!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:58am
585: Butterfly Wings says:

583 FW – Yes! That’s what I want to achieve in that time!

No more focus on him – it’s on me, me, and me!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:04am
586: Rebecca says:

FW@581

I tried getting back with him several times but the attraction, for me, just faded. Also, I met someone else who I was more attracted to on a deeper level.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:19am
587: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca how do you feel about all that?

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:24am
588: Femininewoman says:

(as he asked me three times and I never really committ d),

I wonder if this is a symptom of something?
I wonder if he is experiencing you wanting him to commit even though you are non-committal?
I wonder what it would have looked like to offer a commitment while at the same time expecting nothing? Allowing him to accept or not while at the same time staying committed to oneself? I wonder if this makes sense and what it looks like for me?

hhhhhmmmm Thank you Tam for helping me to process my stuff.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:30am
589: Rebecca says:

FW@587

I feel sad that someone loves me who I don’t feel the same attraction to anymore. This confuses me a great deal.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:35am
590: MissStix says:

I am learning first hand that a relationship with 2 givers has its challenges. But this is the first time i’m gonna call rori “wrong”. There is no lack of sexual chemistry But then again I am making an effort to become a pond.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:55am
591: Tam says:

588..FW, interesting. Well, I ‘stayed open’…when he asked me if I would help previously, I said ‘yes, all being well’
- or something to the effect.
I guess that is a yes, three quarters of the way.
He asked again and again..and I said ‘yes, most likely I can help’…I did not say ‘whatever happens I will be there’ – and why should I?
It was about being able to decide in the moment.
I wasn’t uncommittal for a deeper reason other than wanting to do what feels good to me. When I was uncommittal, he kept asking. Now I said yes, he doesn’t want it.
Typical. No surprise there.
And I yawn again

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:44am
592: Tam says:

I feel turned off as well as amused.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:45am
593: Tam says:

…and relief, because I can’t actually be bothered going through all the tons of stuff he has and helping him organise it anyway…I have better things to do.
I am off the hook

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:46am
594: Tam says:

I’ve just been for fresh pancakes with banana and walnuts and lots of maple syrup…by the beach!!
Feeling so grateful for this day and the lovely friends that care for me, the weather etc.

I have a date tonight with a new CD

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:49am
595: Tam says:

I am really spamming now but I don’t feel guilty.

Really having a mini-revelation. Particularly when I see how my good friends here have rallied around me, slowly, and sporadically, but it’s all happening to help me on my little way. I feel loved and well cared for and appreciated. That is nice.

I also feel ruthless in defending my heart and my soul. And my friendship. Hence, if I have not received a reply, a ‘no thanks’ or ‘yes thanks’ or some kind of recognition that my email was received, by the end of the day today, then I will do what I should have done a long time back.
I will block him and all the related content (common friends’ feeds) from my facebook and skip along happily with my life without so much of even gazing at anything off my chosen path.
Who cares.
I am the builder of my own life experience, and I intend for that to be a good one, not a ‘wondering, worrying and analysing’ one.
Hallelujah.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 8:07am
596: LiliBee says:

565:

BW,

I’m wondering what you mean by feeling trapped?

My gf and I were talking about feeling trapped last night.
When D wanted me back, I was having a full life without him.
When I started seeing him again, he crowded everyone else out by booking all my time way in advance.
I enjoyed the attention from him so much that I just let myself get swept away.
After a while, I felt trapped.

Every time my gf and I would talk about getting together, our men always had us booked in advanced.
So we never had time for our own friends.
We stopped asking each other to get together bc we started assuming that the other would always be booked into something with their bf.
My friend and I ended up losing ourselves even after we promised each other we wouldn’t.

Even when I did do stuff on my own, he didn’t like it and sulked.
He wouldn’t say anything about it, but he would ask a whole bunch of questions and sulk.

I told him I needed to have a life aside him to feel OK when he left for vacation or be busy with his 2nd job.
He never responded anything, and would sulk when I did stuff without him.

I felt trapped. Like I should be there available for him all the time when he is for him to feel happy. But then he still ends up being very busy with work and vacation without me when fall arrives.

I felt like I couldn’t win.
I felt manipulated and trapped.
If I let myself be available just for him, that would be a lonely life.
I did before, but not this time.

It feels so difficult to have a balanced relationship.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 8:24am
597: bloom-ing says:

miss stix, thanks for the vinyl tip ! i’ll try to mind my hands more carefully with your suggestions in mind. thank you!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:04am
598: zara says:

The work is about me and not about him, whoever him might be.
The work is about taking it all back to me. My life is about me.
When am I here analyzing for ever a man who seldom is in front of me, it is created by me.
Why am I here? What do I get from analyzing a man who does not speak to me?
What do I get from assuming things about him when I have lots of things to discover about myself?
When I judge a man for months and months finding him all type of flaws it can not be about love/friendship. Love does not gossip about each other.

It is written somewhere on this site as well: gossip is a no no.
“He” does this
“He” says that.
Leads nowhere.
Speaking about what we think are “his flaws” and what he should or should not is a no no .
It’s minding what is not our business and it is fighting what is.
No chance to get anywhere.

We all tend to do it, and we have tools to stop doing it before it cripples our life.
Take it all back to me when I want to feel peace and clarity.

I don’t do it to justify him or me or anybody or to force myself to keep imagining a relationship that never existed.. It has nothing to do.
I do it to know who I am, where I stand in my own life, to keep the light on MY tracks.

As long as I keep the light on the other’s tracks, I lose tracks of my own.
I feel lost and frustrated, scared even.
I have to jump on his tracks because they are the only ones I am putting the light on.
I can’t see mine, I am lost without his.
So I keep focusing on his.
Then it gets intense.
Clingy.
Needy.
Insecure.
Lonely.
I got to feel lonely when I abandon myself, away from my own tracks, doing my best to walk on his tracks while at the same time judging them all flawed!

The work makes ME feel at peace.
And feel love for the man even when I realize I don’t want to be with him at all.
I used him to replay some subconscious thing.
And I am done now.
I want something different.
He is not my enemy, I don’t need to gossip about him to my friends.
It’s just that he is not for my happiness.
I move on, and I don’t feel betrayed, abused, used, stupid, bitter, sad, angry etc…
I feel my longing is over, I can move on.
I feel peace.

The work makes me understand why I thought I wanted him in spite of the crumbs and it’s all about me.

I can let go from my imaginary relationship with no hatred for him, no resentment.
Because as long as I feel resentment for anybody, I resent myself and jeopardize my happiness.

It was always me who created my life.
In my imagination or out in the world, it is my creation.

It is always about me.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:15am
599: Daria says:

Wow I have been ignored often and I’ve never thought of it in my mind as disrespect. It feels awfully lonely and heartbreaking tho. Painful. In that moment.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:32am
600: Tam says:

Well, didn’t feel lonely or heartbreaking just plain annoying and childish and disrespectful to me.
Perhaps because if someone offers me help after I asked them for it, I would at least thank them.
It’s called common courtesy in my book, though I understand that different people have different views and some people are so self-centered that they forget their manners – when angry for whatever fabricated reason. Meh.
It’s about me and my feelings – which are just those of indifference now, like when an inconsiderate person jumps ahead in a line. Annoying. Like a wasp buzzing around my head. Annoying. Not worth getting even angry about.
There is the sun and the beach and my happiness. Wasps fly away. My turn in line is coming up. Simply not worth any energy anymore..

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:44am
601: Tam says:

Indifference leaves a lot of room for other things, things that are good..things that make a difference.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:45am
602: Tam says:

I choose to see this as the best possible outcome, free of ballast, free of responsibilities (friendship has good sides and responsibilities also).
Very free. And I feel actually virtuous also. I feel pretty damn good about it all right now.
I didn’t make any mistakes, or played games or did anything I wouldn’t be proud of….I stood my ground, I was still being available as a friend and within my boundaries. It wasn’t taken up so even less for me to worry about. Zero stress…right now. And relief.
Next week I am helping another friend tidy up her computer files…and we have a nice dinner and a laugh afterwards, like last week. That’s the kind of friendship I want. When I offered to help her, she got back to me saying ‘thank you so much, let’s do it and I will cook us something nice’.
Now, that or a similar response is something I can live with
Wants and don’t wants. I don’t want pouty friends who change their story every few minutes. Over and out.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:55am
603: Tam says:

Off to the beach!!!! Yeehaw!!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:58am
604: BAB says:

I could use some help ladies. My boyfriend literally just had a mealy down because I did not take the initiative to order our food for us online. And when he said order us food I’m hungry I laughed and said no you! And handed him the laptop. He ignored that. A few mins later said in a gruff voice give me the laptop, so I did. He began to jerk around letting me know he was annoyed with me, slamming his phone down and the laptop on the end table, storming around trying to find his wallet, assuming he had to pay. And then sat down away from me and called.
After a min or two he says am I paying or you? Even tho I got my cc out and set it by him to pay with, and went and did some laundry. Trying to use Rori’s tool staying busy not focusing on what he’s feeling thinking etc.
I sat back down and began to go through my wallet and empty out receipts. After he hung up he said here and handed me my card back. I replayed with thank you, and kept doing my thing. He says so are we skipping the movie then( that we had been watching) with a sigh of annoyance. I said, no I was just waiting. And he grabbed his phone and said I’ll be right bank and has been in the bathroom since. He reads in there often even if he’s not using the bathroom persay. What did I do WRONG? What do I do know? I’m so confused….

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 10:06am
605: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((Bab)))))))))

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 10:14am
606: Daria says:

Bab – he’s grumbling, not used to the new boundaries. I’d use feeling messages to talk…and not pay for food w a man if I want romance.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 10:41am
607: Daria says:

Man – ‘I assume I’m paying’

Woman – ‘yes, thank you, that would feel great. I’m gonna go to the bathroom’. And do stuff for me away from him while he’s grumbling.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 10:43am
608: MissStix says:

bab

You did nothing wrong. Sounds like a little tantrum…

If you feel good about how you behaved then you did exactly the right thing. You took your focus off of him and his mood, and did not say anything blamey, or coddling. Let him be that way.

However, if he behaves like that on the regular you can say “I feel ____, I don’t like this energy.” and walk away.

G was being like that recently and it all came to a head and we talked it out and it’s been weeks and he has not yelled or even been “prickly” at all. I was 100% serious…I told him I was going to leave. That’s not the kind of relationship I want.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 10:45am
609: Smile says:

I just opened my Facebook and there starring right back at me was ex of 10 years. He doesn’t often come up but he’d changed his photo and one of my close friends had liked it so it showed up, we aren’t friends on fb.

I felt surprised. I remembered how long his eyelashes were.

It made me feel a little sad. It seems such a long time ago.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:01pm
610: Smile says:

Tam, yummy pancakes!!!

When you next seeing English cd?

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:02pm
611: Smile says:

(( bab))

Your story has inspired me to read some of my ebooks I have again, thank you. It’s been a while since I’ve looked at them. Not sure what in particular it was that inspired me to do this though.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:05pm
612: The girl says:

it doesn’t have to be that way I mean there are single men 37 who do not often fall in love and maybe he got hurt because he is a wealthy man living in a wealthy area but there was something about his politeness that seam to hide something, he is just too good to be true and I was interested because we have things in common and so but i actually did not feel it for him either i just found him amazing which of course he is.He acted too much like a man though for being this country.Opened the doors buying all the drinks BUT he was absolutely too polite.Yes,he can be gay.Or he is just a very original person,like one of a kind.he is very,very intelligent and have a top career but that too,can be a way of compensating even if it is very good.Well,I guess I will never know and I said goodbye to him
so maybe I wont find out…

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:19pm
613: Rebecca says:

FW

Your question to me about my feelings has had me thinking ALL day…

Lol, the men I find ‘interesting’ and want to spend time with are ‘rarely’ the men that I find attractive.

On the rare times I find both, then they don’t seem to find me attractive…

Pff….

I also think I may have intimacy issues because I seem to spend the whole time ‘worrying’ about being in a relationship…

Hmmm…

I am feeling very down – I have noticed how down my mood is today…

I must sink into this and embrace it…

It’s nice to have this place to come to.

Hmmm…

Why do I always feel that I need ‘fixing’.

That ‘no-one’ will love me the way I am.

I keep thinking that I ‘need’ to change…

I keep watching other people and think that I ‘need’ to be like ‘them’

They seem to find it sooooo easy…

Hmmm..

Two of my male friends have just recently hooked up with two of my female friends. And although I am happy that they have found each other, I keep thinking ‘What is wrong with me? Why didn’t I ever fancy either of these two guys?’.

‘Why am I soooo fussy?’

‘Why do I over-analyse?’

I feel soooo confused….

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:20pm
614: Tam says:

Hi Smile!!
It was a lovely day at the beach!! oh, not sure when I will nxt see English, he wanted to see me today but I was booked. Ha!!
Sometime next week though I think he’s going away..I am booked every single night this week, mostly by my gf…I was supposed to have a date thursday with instantrelationshipCD but knowing what I know now…I don’t wanna go. I am going to cancel, as we were going to go downtown and he will be all over me..it’s a small place and I am bound to bump into people I know, can’t be bothered to spend the whole night fighting him off. eek.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:29pm
615: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca those thoughts and feelings are what we need to bubble up.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:30pm
616: MissStix says:

Learning just how vast the range of feelings are when it comes to the sadness emotion. I could feel a hundred million different kinds of “sad” for a million different reasons.

I think this is pretty cool.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:38pm
617: Rebecca says:

FW@615

I just feel like a broken record..

I just keep thinking when am I going to learn to change my behaviour pattern?

I feel like I am going round in circles..

I just keep saying the same thing over and over.

I’m sure you all think I am mad.

I feel mad.

I feel weird.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:44pm
618: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((((((((The Girl)))))))))))))))))))))))

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:47pm
619: Femininewoman says:

I am sure you are not mad Rebecca

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:48pm
620: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca awareness is key. It is the first step towards change. Just keep believing that one day the automatic internal shift will take place as you intentionally focus on yourself. What is happening is part of the human experience. We are all in process.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:51pm
621: Femininewoman says:

RE 598 Zara so so true

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 12:58pm
622: Femininewoman says:

“Most importantly, it also takes a willingness to look within ourselves to transform the sticking points or limitations that we may have blamed others for in the past.”

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:13pm
623: Rebecca says:

FW@620

I am slowly realising it is the ‘awareness’ that I lack.

I feel like I have ‘no awareness’..

I feel stuck.

I feel like I am just completely oblivious to how I am. I can ‘see’ other people. I can help them. I think.

I can’t help myself.

I feel frustrated. I feel like I am constantly analysing other people but I never analyse myself.

I’m not sure if that makes sense.

What I mean is I’m not sure if I am learning from my mistakes which I should be.

I just keep repeating them.

Process….

But I also need awareness. How do I get it?

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:13pm
624: Femininewoman says:

Daria I recognize disrespect as part of the ego based relationship. I am still in process with this

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:16pm
625: Rebecca says:

I think I just want to feel truly loved for me. I want to feel safe and happy.

Does that start with me? I guess so…

Maybe I need to start looking inwardly, rather than outwardly.

I feel heavey. I’m going to sit with this heaviness..

Deep breath.

Deep breath.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:17pm
626: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca “We all would like a quick fix that will give us the loving soul-based relationship we desire”

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:19pm
627: Daria says:

i feel triggered and glad i just had an idea instead of ego based i will think of as “control” based

thats cuz i love my 3rd chakra unique ego

i feel triggered by ‘ego bashing’ lol

i dont want to ‘ego bash’ myself

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:35pm
628: Daria says:

slightly tipsy on fermented grape juice

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:41pm
629: Tam says:

Respect is very important, in any relationship, friendship and within family.
My belief.
When I feel disrespected, I am almost unable to respect the person, and want to lash out.
But I try to bring it back to me. When my father showed me disrespect, I told him I felt attacked, disrespected and belittled…and he could not even look me in the eye…so I take that as hitting the nail on the head.
It’s a sign of weakness in my eyes.
I have respect for everything, including little children, animals and even plants. I do not willingly tread on people’s toes…and if they choose to willingly or unwillingly tread on mine, I often let it go and try to see it as an ‘accident’.
When it feels like it is deliberate, I have trouble letting it go. Verbal abuse is a form of disrespect, coercing into sex is a form of disrespect…
It is a violation. I feel strongly about it.
I have always been in relationships with men who respected me and I respected them. It is extremely important for me. Once I feel like the respect is no longer there (including for boundaries), I am out – of any relationship.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:57pm
630: Tam says:

My heart and soul long for being respected and being treated with the care they deserve.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 1:59pm
631: Daria says:

When You Feel Him Slipping Away, Stop And Do This To Bring Him Close

Daria,

If you’re in that awful-feeling place in a relationship where you feel insecure with a man, and almost everything you do and say and even think makes you feel even more helpless to change things, I know what that’s like. But even better, I know it doesn’t have to be like that for you.

Here’s a letter from Francine that’s at the heart of what happens to us when we love someone who isn’t giving us the love, affection, attention and commitment we want, need and DESERVE… we start feeling insecure, needy, desperate and clingy – and then that drives him further away.

Let’s Work On This Together…

Q.Dear Rori,
I just seem to get it all wrong. I’m dating someone exclusively and just like how every other relationship started – the beginning was great. He was open, loving and expressive but I don’t know what happened but he started acting distant and then he was saying that I was needy.

You Don’t Have To Work So Hard To Get The Love You Want

Getting the love and security and commitment you want with a man you love – especially when you’ve invested so much of your time, your energy and your heart into trying to make things work out with him – can be SO much easier than we’ve all been taught it is!

It’s often just a matter of understanding a man’s “Relationship Timeline,” and shifting your own perspective and the words and body language you use that will turn everything around for you.

My Commitment Blueprint program will lead you through the 7 Steps to getting his lifelong commitment – and to YOUR Happy Ever After. Take a look at Blueprint right here and watch video testimonials from real women who are finally getting the commitment they want:

Watch Now
I was acting the same as always, and all of a sudden I was being needy. We ended things for 3 weeks then got back together, and even though things aren’t great we are still together and love each other.

How do I come across as not needy and still loving and someway, somehow, keep this relationship alive? Any advice you give me would be sooooo appreciated. I don’t want to be desperate, but I don’t know what to do. Either too clingy or too cold. I’m totally wrong.

Thank you so much, Francine

A.If you’re holding onto a man, most likely it’s because he’s withdrawing. And the weird and terrible thing is that he’s likely withdrawing because you’re holding on to him!

So, in order to stop him from withdrawing, you have to stop holding on. And I know that sounds completely wrong. It sounds counter-intuitive and against everything you ever learned. It seems totally the opposite of the “just do it” philosophy and the whole idea of “pursuing your dreams.”

Only thing is, a man isn’t a dream. He’s a real person, and though I want you to pursue your dreams in work and fun and money and travel and everything else that’s about YOU and your own life… a man is another human being that you actually have NO control over (only “influence with” – and that’s what all my Rori Raye methods and Tools are about).

He’s a human being you DON’T WANT to have control over! If you “pursue” a man, you will push him away. And yet, we ALL want to grab, stop, and hold onto ANYTHING that feels like it’s running away from us.

That’s why people end up with all sorts of things they don’t really want at auctions – they just get caught up in not letting something slip away.

The Way To Keep A Man Is To Let Go Of Him

All this is completely different from letting HIM go! Letting go of a man is really all about letting YOURSELF go.

Think of it this way: You are letting go without even considering what HE’S doing. You are refusing to hold on to anything about this man.

Yes – this is going to feel almost completely the opposite of everything you’ve been taught and told. But I know if you try it you’ll feel better, and you’ll get so much better results with a man.

So, let’s get started with the HOW TO of this – let’s start with a short list of what holding ONTO a man looks like:

You think about him, even when you’re doing something or are somewhere where there are other things to look at and think about
You go from thinking about him to wanting him – like you would a glorious piece of chocolate fudge brownie
You analyze every move he makes and everything he says, and every move you make and everything you say
You initiate contact – calling him, leaning in for a kiss, hugging him, sending emails, texts, cards…
You worry about everything you do and say and everything that happens out of fear it will push him away
There are a bunch more – very subtle things, too – but for now take a look and see if you’re doing any of this.

Spend today noticing if you’re doing any of the things on this list – just notice, and make a list of what you notice, when you notice it, what’s happening. See if you can find a pattern and write that down, too.

Next, we’ll work with how to get out of this awful pattern…

The truth is, when we’re holding onto a man, it’s we who are stopped cold. It’s like he’s dragging us along wherever he goes. In my Commitment Blueprint program, I explain why this is how we’ll follow a man off our own Bridge to our Happy Ever After.

We’ll follow him even into the pits, because that’s what we’ve all been trained and taught to do our whole lives. Blueprint teaches you how to STAY on your own Bridge, and simply keep going no matter WHAT he does:

Watch Blueprint Now – Risk Free
So it’s not a matter of watching him go off somewhere when he withdraws. It’s not about LETTING him go, it’s about letting go of something – anything – that’s “moving away” from you…

…so you can go in your OWN direction!

…so you can keep doing what you need to do to take care of yourself!

And what happens when you do that? All of a sudden a man turns around and has to be with you! All of a sudden you completely lose that aura of clinginess and desperation…and you look CONFIDENT!

And that changes everything.

So, I Want You To:

Imagine that at this moment, you’re holding onto a man – his shirt, his leg, his shoulders, his thoughts, his hair, his eyes.

What does that feel like? Really imagine it (keep your eyes open!) in every sensual detail: what it feels like to feel your whole body locked into trying to hold onto him.

Notice how your whole body is almost in “survival mode” trying to keep him from moving away. Notice how you’re trying to keep him doing what you want – almost as if he’s a doll, or a puppet that is not obeying you.

Feel the confusion you feel – the total exasperation of NOT KNOWING why he’s moving away from you emotionally – and just wanting to DO ANYTHING to makes him stand still and LISTEN to you.
Now, just open your hands. Let go. Now…
Turn around.
Focus on something else in front of you.

Practice this Tool several times a day and especially when you’re feeling that desperate need to hold onto him.
It has taken a long time to develop the habit of holding onto a man, and you need time to create a new pattern of learning to let him go. Once you do, you’ll find that it takes next to no effort on your part for a man to want to come closer and closer… to the point that the RIGHT man won’t ever let YOU go.

Get Him To Want To Hold Tightly Onto YOU

If you’d like some extra help sticking with your plan to get the commitment you want by staying on your very own BRIDGE to Happy Ever After, check out my Commitment Blueprint program.

Blueprint lays everything out so simply, in 7 Steps to his Lifelong Commitment with incredible Tools you can use right away for bringing passion into your life and getting past all the things getting in the way of the commitment you want.

Here are just a few of the things you’ll learn:

The one crucial thing you must do to make a man want to COMMIT to you for FOREVER instead of for just the short term – and exactly HOW to do it
The exact body position that will open up your intuition so you can KNOW what’s going on with him
How to stop his stalling and INSPIRE him to move toward a commitment – no matter how distant or “not ready” he seems right now
A POWERFUL and simple technique to stop strong emotions like jealousy and obsession from RUINING your relationship and how to use them to actually GET things on a commitment track
And many more TOOLS you can use every day to bring you the close, loving, committed relationship you’ve always wanted.

For now, every time you even think about a man who’s not right in front of you or on the phone with you, try the Tool I explained above. Just open your hands, turn around, and focus on something in front of you.

And let me know what happens.

Love, Rori

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:06pm
632: The girl says:

Rori, why do I have to see it as a crush and unfortunately?If this guy is gay, then I understand it all.He touched my heart anyway, he actually changed my life in a deep way-or made me realize things I should ever had without him.That is something wonderful!Every man you meet doesn´t have to be “another answer to your way to Mr Right”:Some of them can be mr Wrong already from scratch, and give us something we never expected to have;from life,from men or anyone.It almost never click with men for me, and I am very straight.But I am not the girl who flirt and fall in love with every man.There is not many men who fit my standards, why?Because I am simply not a standard girl.
That could be his case too, even if I don´t think so.I actually feel he being gay is the best news I could get from this “Story”.And no, I never believed I could change his mind.Even if he were straight.
I believe that my time is yet to come but Circular dating is not for me.I do it all the time because I like speaking to men and be nice, but I never fall in love and they never invite me to dates.It just doesn´t happen.And I am happy anyway! Have a great evening.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:12pm
633: Butterfly Wings says:

596 LiliBee – Yup I feel the same way. TH has me booked almost every single night, and he also sulks when I’m off doing my own thing.

So I probably need to pick at least one day a week where it’s a “me” day, and he can just deal with it! lol

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:21pm
634: Laughing Goddess says:

631

“You think about him, even when you’re doing something or are somewhere where there are other things to look at and think about
You go from thinking about him to wanting him – like you would a glorious piece of chocolate fudge brownie
You analyze every move he makes and everything he says, and every move you make and everything you say
You initiate contact – calling him, leaning in for a kiss, hugging him, sending emails, texts, cards…
You worry about everything you do and say and everything that happens out of fear it will push him away
There are a bunch more – very subtle things, too – but for now take a look and see if you’re doing any of this.”

********
Something I’ve realized is that we can fool ourselves into thinking that by pointing out all of his faults to ourselves, others, or him, we are no longer accepting crumbs. But the truth is, if our energy is at all focused on him, no matter what the form, we are not on our horse.

That’s one reason why I rarely discuss my guy on here. I’m here to learn about me.

Of course a woman wants to vent sometimes yet I am really determined to put my focus on other things. It’s a form of active meditation. My mind wants to go to its normal habitual thought patterns and I catch myself and turn it to other things.

It feels freeing. I am not longer a slave to my habitual thought patterns. It feels like building new highways and connections within my mind.

I’m getting ready to get in the bath right now and really looking forward to it. I feel inspired to decorate my bathroom in a cozy, goddessy way with plants, a salt lamp, fabrics, a cushy rug.

Yes!

I feel like nesting.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:27pm
635: Laughing Goddess says:

And I notice that the more of focus on other things, things that I feel happy and inspired by, the more he is drawn to me just like Rori says.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:29pm
636: Smile says:

Tam, it’s been a lovely sunny day here too, no beach mind but still lovely.
I have the James bauber ebook on respect. I remember reading something in there that might feel helpful.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:32pm
637: Smile says:

LG, omg I’ve just been brushing my tea and designing in my head my goddess bathroom! Mines inspired by moroccan design! Oo a salt lamp, I’d love a White Himalayan one. I’ve got 3 White salt tea light holders 

I want my bathroom to feel relaxing. I want to feel tranquil and peaceful. I want a warm bathroom.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:41pm
638: Smile says:

*brushing my teeth!!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 2:42pm
639: Femininewoman says:

RE 634. LIKE

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:01pm
640: MissStix says:

LG

I like that!

I like to keep my focus mostly on me and my own emotions. the man only comes into it when my emotions come specifically from interactions with him. I kind of think of the blog as my aide in shifting my focus from the event taking place and onto me and how i’m feeling and how i’m moving through what i’m feeling. Sometimes there is no “event”
and i’m just feeling for no reason. I move pretty fast from one space to the next.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:04pm
641: MissStix says:

mmm I want to practice tai chi! Ohhh that would feel powerful and connected I bet.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:04pm
642: Daria says:

awww my brother just contacted me. he loves me. i was just thinking about him. i feel all important and honored and loved.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:06pm
643: MissStix says:

I am going against the grain for fun. I am thinking of him now. I am deliberately moving through feelings and feeling physical forward progress. Like walking the bottom of the ocean. And it feels really difficult to describe how I “fit him
in” it’s like i’m centered on “self” but when I let him into my space it’s like an opening, a yawning and allowing his presence to move in, and float around.

OMG he just txted o.O literally right when I put a period on that sentance.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:13pm
644: MissStix says:

Freaky

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:13pm
645: Daria says:

my brother got on the phone calling me names and being rude (a thing they do sometimes to each other)

and my instant reaction was ‘hey, i dont feel good being talked to like that”

awww! go me

he instantly changed attitude

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:17pm
646: Simply Goddess says:

Feel triggered by his sisters facebook update

“HAD A GREAT WEEKEND WITH MY SON AND MY NIECE. (Neice being his child)
MADE DINNER FOR ALL THE FAMILY, BIG FAT ROAST AN CHOCOLATE GATEAUX FOR AFTERS.
HAD A GOOD LAUGH WITH EVERYONE, TIME TO CHILL”

I feel its for my benefit.. I’m sure im the big bad wolf right now..

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:18pm
647: April Rose says:

Hi Zara,

Good to see you posting. I’ve missed you and your insights.

You have described what I want and where I go from here, beautifully, in these words:-

“A chance to discover what you want, to state what you want and to receive what you want before you commit to any man.”

Thank you.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:37pm
648: April Rose says:

Laughing Goddess

“… But the truth is, if our energy is at all focused on him, no matter what the form, we are not on our horse.”

I want and love my horse and care for it and want to ride it beautifully. This is my priority.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:40pm
649: April Rose says:

” I feel inspired to decorate my bathroom in a cozy, goddessy way with plants, a salt lamp, fabrics, a cushy rug.”

Laughing Goddess I’m feeling inspired by the luscious image conjured in my mind by your words.

I will do this in ‘my’ bathroom too.
Will continue to share living and workspace with WM on and off until Christmas.
I feel nervous about returning there.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:48pm
650: April Rose says:

WM is away meeting up with his new lady friend.

I am away staying with family.

I don’t want to arrive back before him. I would not want to be present when he returns from his ‘trip’. I feel uneasy in my tummy and heartsore.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:51pm
651: April Rose says:

I feel freed-up to blossom into my full creative self again.

If that is indeed my horse, then I have not been on it all this time.

Sorry horse.
I will feed you some oats, I promise.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 3:53pm
652: zara says:

623: Rebecca
***I can ‘see’ other people. ***

It’s a very good start.

Are you familiar with Katie Byron’s “judging my neigbour” work sheet? It might help you to go from “looking at them” to “seeing me”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=537k_2J3xnM&feature=BFa&list=UU8dvufocK9zM6KnkronGbzA

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 4:17pm
653: zara says:

((((April Rose))))

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 4:18pm
654: Belle says:

I overheard a conversation in my mind a little while ago – one part was consoling another part, “You see, it’s like we are a diamond in the rough. Just anyone walking along wouldn’t know what they saw, but someone with a good eye would, and would appreciate what they have in me. Or I’m like a bottle of fine, aged, scotch. If you just give it to a wino in an alley, it’s going to just be something to get drunk on. A connoisseur, on the other hand, will know what they have on their hands and treat it with the proper appreciation and respect. It’s like I’ve been offering myself to the wino and not understanding why he can’t see what a good thing he has in me…he just can’t, he would if he could but he’s just a wino. It doesn’t make him any less divine or precious or valuable, it’s just not his part to play to be a connoisseur. And really what’s important is not that anyone else notices me, what’s important is that *I* know what I’m worth, and not feed myself to the wino or throw myself before the swine. ”

I think the other part of me is starting to get it.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 4:27pm
655: zara says:

621: Femininewoman

Hello

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 4:48pm
656: Annie says:

Sigh.
Well I feel the need to process.
Last night.

Attracted three three types of men.
Oh how different all three felt.

Type 1
It felt so good when real masculine energy comes towards you and afterwards receiving fantastic compliments. Makes me feel desired, tingly like a princess. Oh God I want more of that, sadly no following up like asking me for phone number or dates but oh still felt great.

Type 2
Very open and chatty, felt good that someone wanted to chat to me, however wanted to tell me how they felt which was ok, but felt a little uncomfortable but very revealing. One telling me how he felt depressed because the last women he has broke his heart was a gold digger, cheat, bitch and psychopath. Then proceeds to tell me he now knows how to profile such women. OMG I fit his profile, I then felt scared as he told me how he wanted to hurt her and how he had done so in revenge. He seemed to just want to talk and talk and tell me his story. I have had this before with men, in the past I have wanted to help, it felt good to facilitate, not now, I listened but was not attracted and although they are easy to listen too, I don’t want to help them.
Why am I still attracting this.

And type 3.
Mr no confidence.
One telling me I was too good for him, how he felt a little scared, but how great he felt with me.
And the other telling me how he was scared to ask women to dance and had no confidence.
He is a great dancer.
I said I love dancing with you, he was very abrupt and said what has me being a great dancer got to do with having no confidence.
He said he felt shy.
I said I felt shy too.
I feel very shy on the inside.
My little girl feels very shy.

So wow, attracting three different types of men all in one night.

And noticed so many masculine energy confident women asking men to dance.

I felt very scared of the type 2 man, he was confident, but revenge scares me.
Really want to keep him at arms length.

And the type 3 man, sweet but feminine. Feel sure I would soon lose patience and want to kick him up the bum, tell him to man up for crying out loud.

Eeek, wonder what they though of me now I feel embarrassed, wondering how I came across.
Although nothing I am able to do about it so hey ho!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:22pm
657: Annie says:

Sigh.
Well I feel the need to process.
Last night.

Attracted three three types of men.
Oh how different all three felt.

Type 1
It felt so good when real masculine energy comes towards you and afterwards receiving fantastic compliments. Makes me feel desired, tingly like a princess. Oh God I want more of that, sadly no following up like asking me for phone number or dates but oh still felt great.

Type 2
Very open and chatty, felt good that someone wanted to chat to me, however wanted to tell me how they felt which was ok, but felt a little uncomfortable but very revealing. One telling me how he felt depressed because the last women he has broke his heart was a gold digger, cheat, biaaaatch and psychopath. Then proceeds to tell me he now knows how to profile such women. OMG I fit his profile, I then felt scared as he told me how he wanted to hurt her and how he had done so in revenge. He seemed to just want to talk and talk and tell me his story. I have had this before with men, in the past I have wanted to help, it felt good to facilitate, not now, I listened but was not attracted and although they are easy to listen too, I don’t want to help them.
Why am I still attracting this.

And type 3.
Mr no confidence.
One telling me I was too good for him, how he felt a little scared, but how great he felt with me.
And the other telling me how he was scared to ask women to dance and had no confidence.
He is a great dancer.
I said I love dancing with you, he was very abrupt and said what has me being a great dancer got to do with having no confidence.
He said he felt shy.
I said I felt shy too.
I feel very shy on the inside.
My little girl feels very shy.

So wow, attracting three different types of men all in one night.

And noticed so many masculine energy confident women asking men to dance.

I felt very scared of the type 2 man, he was confident, but revenge scares me.
Really want to keep him at arms length.

And the type 3 man, sweet but feminine. Feel sure I would soon lose patience and want to kick him up the bum, tell him to man up for crying out loud.

Eeek, wonder what they though of me now I feel embarrassed, wondering how I came across.
Although nothing I am able to do about it so hey ho!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 5:22pm
658: Annie says:

It feels difficult not to beat myself up for my past mistakes.

I feel happy to show my and reveal my heart but scared to ever let anyone have it again. I want to take care of it and keep it safe.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:13pm
659: Annie says:

I wish this horrible feeling of anxiety would pass quickly.

It comes the early hours like now.
And sometimes when i wake in the morning.
I feel shaky.
I miss being touched and held.
But I only want to be touched and held by someone who cares for my heart or understand the real me, See me as a real person with real feelings that our different from theirs and doesn’t ever want to let me go or hurt me.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:19pm
660: Tereana says:

Annie – I feel nervous about your type 2 man also.

To me, when men complain about their exes or about women in general, that is a huge red flag. It feels good and seductive to not be in that category for him (at first). You feel like his confidant – the “safe person” he can talk to. He probably *does* want a safe person to talk to. But bottom line, he doesn’t trust anyone. Not anyone who is a woman, anyway, and eventually, he won’t trust you. And you have no idea when the moment will happen that he will “switch” from Mr. Nice Trusting Guy to Misogynistic Hating-You-For-No-Reason-And-Punishing-You-For-It Man.

I’m sorry, but this guy sounds scary. Almost psychopathically so. “Arms length” is probably not enough distance. “Steer clear” would probably be much healthier. Don’t waste time on why you “attracted” him. Just get as much “distance” as you can before you become his next victim, either literally or metaphorically….

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:30pm
661: Tam says:

(((Annie))) that resonated!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:32pm
662: Belle says:

I feel like I’m getting better with setting boundaries, energetic and spoken.
On my frienddate on Fri, he said something sleazy to me and I told him, “I never, never NEVER, *EVER*, NEVER never need to know that about you. Ever. I lived my whole life without that information and I will live the rest of my life completely happy without ever EVER hearing that from you EVER again. I never NEVER, under ANY circumstance, need to ever ever EVER hear that out of your mouth again. Just so you know. Just so we are clear.”
I think I made my point. He ended up sitting with other people he knows, because he had to have special seating, and I sat on the lawn enjoying the heck out of myself.

When I went to grab a bite to eat, a ‘scrub’ came up to me, bright and gleaming gold grill blazing, chatting me up. I kept my heart open and just stayed open to the interaction. He is really from the hood, grew up just down the way from me, I learned. I turned to look at the menu, was mentioning how I wanted a pretzel but they didn’t seem to have them, and the guy just disappeared. For all I know, he went through the line behind me but for all intents and purposes he disappeared. I didn’t ignore him, or feel repulsed by him, or try to get away from him…
it was kind of Twilight Zone almost, I felt so comfortable and relaxed and ..oops, he’s gone! On to the next thing.

I’m going to ask my supervisor to help me find a new job tomorrow, as per my inner guidance.

I had some FREAKY dreams last night, one in which Ken Wilber allowed his head to be separated from his body for a scientific experiment, and a woman was showing me how to sculpt a coconut to resemble his head, then was trying to convince me that his real head was the coconut and I was all worried that she was lying and it turned out it *was* the real head I was looking at and I was freaking out because it should be on ice or he would die and his head turned all black and weird so she put the head in a blue cooler on ice and dropped it to the bottom of an enormous pool with beautiful green water.

I was contemplating how I had never swam in that pool before because the water was so deep, the depths were unknowable and the pool was thousands of square feet.

So, there’s a peek into my psyche

I don’t even want to try to figure it out.
I’ve determined that the ongoing message of my dreams lately is, “It’s a DREAM. Wake UP!”

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:36pm
663: Tam says:

I feel so happy to be on my horse. Tonight I met a new CD, who is totally not for me but we had such a laugh. He is 51 but looks much younger and a complete party animal – and yet another aviation man (almost all the guys I know here are pilots/have planes/are aircraft engineers)….oh, the stories!!
And he was small, but a total man…and a total aircraft engineer, he was fixing the table straight away (it was wonky) before I even noticed…oh I like men who like to fix things…and he said: ‘oh at last someone ‘normal’, who looks like her photos and doesn’t exude stress, and just a nice time’…yay!
He is totally not for me and I doubt he will be in contact because it was kind of obvious that we are from different planets, but really good fun.
What is the lesson? Someone from MrP’s profession, same age, same manliness but much more warm, approachable, ‘no problem’ kinda guy.
It is out there. What I want is absolutely out there. And it does not come in the form of ignoring, playing games, hiding, saying one thing and doing the other, giving me the silent treatment for weeks..it is out there in the form of men who want to please ME, who want to make a good impression on ME, who court ME, who open car doors, pay, drive me home with NO discussion…..AND they have the manliness, the excitement, the intelligence and everything else. it is out there. I may not have found it yet, but I can feel it!!
I am not going backwards.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:42pm
664: Tam says:

I can virtually smell it in the air…

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:43pm
665: Tam says:

OMG, I thought he knew we were not well matched, but he just sent me a text asking to take me out for dinner day after tomorrow. Jeepers Creepers…and I am booked up every single day this week…I am going to drop the less hopefuls now. I like the plane stories.
he he. I feel so mischievous. And frivolous.
And, actually, I am having fun these days!
I so deserve it.
And I so am going to block MrP and his friends from my feed in fb. AAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Big, big waves of relief.
I don’t just have options, every single man I dated here has wanted more, a second date, instant relationship or whatever. I well and truly feel like the prize. And so one doesn’t want me? There is always an exception to the rule!!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:52pm
666: Tam says:

…and I decided I don’t want him anymore, maybe someone else wants to deal with a pouty man boy – I certainly don’t.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 6:54pm
667: Annie says:

I have been called belligerent.
I did not know what this meant so asked.

I was told it meant I didn’t listen and didn’t want to hear explanations and didn’t want to change my mind. My mind was fixed.

When I looked it up, it means confrontational and war like, quarrelsome.

I don’t get this what am i missing?
When I clearly state what I want and the other person tries to coerce, get me to change my mind, thinks they know what is best for me. And then when I will not change my mind because I know what is best for me and what I want to do. I feel controlled, coerced manipulated. Fine call me belligerent. If I am not asking for your opinion, I do not want it. I am happy with my choice of looking at all my options and choosing the best for me. Yes they may all be crap choices but I will choose the one I feel is best for me that my gut tells me is right.
If you think that is belligerent, then that is what you think, not a lot I can do about that. I trust my gut to know what is best. I have learned that it has not ever been wrong to date and has saved my life. Where when I have not trusted it and been swayed by others reasoned words and opinion on what they think is best for me I have been burned and hurt and heartbroken. From now on I will always trust my gut over others words. So think what you like your thoughts belong to you and are nothing to do with me. I love my inner strength and rigidness it is their to protect me.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:13pm
668: Annie says:

Hugs Tam.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:14pm
669: Annie says:

Ty Tereana I believe you are right.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:16pm
670: BAB says:

Thank you ladies for your words and quick responses, it was tense for a while there.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:18pm
671: Butterfly wings says:

It is so incredible how wonderful it feels to be receiving the attention of a good quality man. Well… New work guy (NWG) seems to be good quality so far.

He’s been emailing me all morning and its getting flirty. At his request, he now has my number and I have his.

I swore I’d never go “there” with a work guy again, but I really am enjoying this attention.

I feel good and confident and have hardly given TH a thought all day.

And thank you Daria for posting that eletter earlier – that really resonated with me. It confirms that I really need to let go of TH in every way.

I feel ok with that, especially with this new distraction!!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:23pm
672: Tereana says:

So here was my awesome abundance thinking today that totally worked!

I was thinking about how I had less $$ in my bank account than I would like. And about how I spent money yesterday on some super vmcute shoes (super hot boots, actually;). But instead of feeling guilty or down on myself, I just told myself, “there’s more where that came from!” not as in from my bank account. But that there is so much more money in the universe, which can make its way into my bank account. And guess what – it did! Without me even having a plan for it, or pushing for it, or anything. One of my clients bought a package deal, and everyone tipped well today.

So it was true – there really WAS more where that camd from. And the universe will not let me down!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 7:48pm
673: Tereana says:

Megan – (#249) the blog *does* move quickly. And sometimes I move slowly and don’t catch comments back to me for days. But I saw it. Thank you! : )

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:16pm
674: Tereana says:

RN Amazing #401 – Yay!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:18pm
675: Tereana says:

Heart – You wanted me to elaborate on what I said in #266, which was:

“Men always respond to what you want. Whether you articulate it in words or not…”

Thank you, but, at this moment, I will decline to do so : ) I elaborate on a lot of stuff. But this one I kind of just want to leave vague for right now..interpret as you wish/like/prefer xox!

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:22pm
676: Tereana says:

So…I’ve been feeling a bit bummed today, because I haven’t gotten any attention from my CDs. But then again, why should I be getting attention? Why should I want any? I have better things to do, actually. I have a new project. This project needs my attention. Maybe the Universe is telling me – Hey, girl. Get it together. Do your STuff. Because no one else is going to do it for you. There will be plenty of time for dating later.

Maybe the Universe is reinforcing my decision that maybe it’s best for me not to waste time on guys who aren’t going to mean anything to me in the long run. Maybe TU is telling me that I was right – casual isn’t cutting it for me. Serious or nothing is where it’s at. And I’m not ready for serious yet. I’m a work in progress. Not that I’ll ever be “finished.” But that it’s not ready for Prime Time yet.

I don’t even know if I want to be somebody’s “wife.” Have I ever wanted that? Not really. All I know is that I want a family, and I want to be married. And yet I hate the word “wife.” I hate the idea. I don’t even like the word “husband.” “Partner” is so much more preferable to both. and yet, that sounds like the kind of thing you call someone who you are not married to…urg. Semantics. Can I just make up a whole new language for this? Or can I just borrow someone else’s? I just don’t like the words…lol

Also, I told myself not to be that bummed out. Because some days I hear from bunches of CDs at a time. And if i’m not hearing from them today, that doesn’t mean that I won’t hear from 5 of them tomorrow. So…just wait and see, I guess!

I am doing my best not to lean forward at all with SYG. He never followed up on the movie or anything. And I am doing my best to take my mind off it and not to invite him to anything else. It’s a problem that he’s so nice, and that he’s often up for stuff when I do invite him, or available when I’m near his house. He keeps talking about coming to see me in my town again. So I feel like I should let him come toward me. It’s his “turn.” His serve on the tennis court. But right now, I’m kind of just standing and doing my own thing while he dilly dallies around. Or so it seems..I guess I should just get ready for his serve. lol : )

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:33pm
677: Janie Baby says:

I feel confused. I can’t tell if I’m taking crumbs or not. I’ve seen my boyfriend alot this week and when I’m with him I feel like he loves me, but then yesterday he says like “Oh okay I’ll call you tomorrow maybe we can get dinner” and then no call.. he hasn’t called. usually, i text an angry message. but i’m over it. i don’t feel like starting a fight. we have definite plans to get lunch tomorrow and go to the pumpkin patch but should i cancel on him? I’m tired of complaining about him flaking because i’m just beating a dead horse. how do I convey the message for him to stop flaking on me? also, its not even like i wanted to see him tonight, i wanted tos tay in but it’s like i just don’t want him to pretend to do something and then forget. he does it atleast once a week. and granted we do see each other alot, this is the first day in past 5 days or so that we haven’t, but is till don’t appreciate it. it makes me feel sad. i feel upset. i feel depressed. i feel lost. i feel like i don’t know how to continue.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 9:52pm
678: Janie Baby says:

Tereana. I’ve been feeling the same way for the past few months… WHat helps for me is to find a passion. I’ve always loved musical theater, and my aspiration was to be on broadway, and I had a boyfriend at one point, but always put my passions before him, but with my boyfriend I had now, I slowly stopped doing everything I loved to hang out with him- voice lessons, ballet, acting, etc.. stopped auditioning for shows. It’s been almost 2 years since I’ve been in a show. I’m gonna get back into it, but it’s hard to get my attention off my boyfriend… Is there something you could devote yourself to? Some art, passion, writing, a sport, volunteering? Improv is fun.. dance is awesome… go on a vacation alone. do something great for yourself!! <3

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 10:01pm
679: Janie Baby says:

ladies sorry for spamming but my emotions chagne so quickly.
i feel torn.
i want to hang out with boyf tomorrow and i know he will call and be persistant because we get out of class at the same time and we had plans, but i’m still upset that he didn’t call me today.. i don’t know whether i should not answer. or do it but tell him i’m upset but at the same time i don’t want to give him that much power. because it’s not like i’m crying right now .. i’m just annoyed.

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 10:54pm
680: Daria says:

yay i had a fun CD

totally challenging to stay open while not tolerating bad treatment or anything that feels uncomfortable as this was a guy i was Not attracted to

but after he kissed me the second time it did turn me on a touch

maybe

haha

at least he was brave enuf to do it agian

i am so the bomb

these guys are not usually my type,

but he was able to be a gentleman nonetheless

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 11:37pm
681: Daria says:

‘these guys’ meaning him

its challenging to state touching boundaries while not shutting down or freaking out

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 11:38pm
682: Daria says:

still remain open rather than going to ‘what a loser’ thinking

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 11:39pm
683: Daria says:

i did so great

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 11:41pm
684: Daria says:

so feminine

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 11:42pm
685: Daria says:

Annie – what would it feel like to let down that protection

Sunday, 21 October 2012 @ 11:45pm
686: Annie says:

Would feel worth taking that risk Daria with a man who has proved consistently with actions that he is worth taking that risk.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 12:51am
687: Annie says:

It feels so wearing when the only thing that works is to know what boys and mens motivators and be patient let go of the outcome and give them the choice of doing what you want and not giving what they want until they do. Having a take it or leave it attitude but sticking to it.

I feel pressured to be this way.
Alternative is feeling powerless and like a doormat though.
Oh for peace.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 1:26am
688: Francesca says:

Sirens, I’ve decided to come back.

I want to thank Daria for posting that eletter too.

EC has disappeared again.

It’s the third time he does that, even after I made him promise to call me no matter what happens, even if it’s just for a 5-minute conversation, just to make me feel better.

We last spoke on Thursday and were supposed to do something yesterday (Sunday).

I called him once and he hasn’t called back.

It looks like he just doesn’t get it.

Doesn’t matter how I tell him, he just does what he wants and doesn’t seem to consider my feelings.

And then he acts all aloof, as if nothing happens and never says he’s sorry for leaving me in the dark.

That’s not what I call a responsible man.

I am not a doormat, I will not be accepting crumbs anymore.

I love myself too much and I am worth more than that.

I am a beautiful, strong woman with lots to offer and if he doesn’t see that, somebody else will.

So if he ever calls me back, I have a speech ready.

It’s not about him, it’s about me, me, me.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 2:12am
689: Butterfly Wings says:

Yay Francesca! Get out there and CD like crazy girl!

xxx

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 2:53am
690: Francesca says:

You betcha, BW!

I will start CDing as of today, I need the practice.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 3:19am
691: Butterfly Wings says:

Woohoo!! *** gives Francesca a virtual high 5!***

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 3:21am
692: Sassy says:

Thank you, Dominque.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 3:22am
693: Francesca says:

Annie @667

Wow, that resonates with me so much.

I am belligerent too and I love that aspect of my personality.

Although I noticed that I have toned down that part of myself as I grew older.

Sometimes it feels better not to argue and I will not argue just for the sake of arguing.

In many cases, I will just change the subject when I feel that the conversation is going nowhere.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 3:37am
694: Tam says:

Life is good and I am knackered..have been out pretty much every evening…I sooooo need to stay in tonight.
So grateful for my friends, one has offered to let me have a dress from her collection as I don’t have an outfit for a wedding in Nov and considering my financial situation, it would be way too frivolous to buy one.
I love my friends, they are really good to me.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 3:37am
695: ruth says:

hello

Been in a bit of a black hole and not wanting to interact with anyone
So much processing going on here
I feel worried that i am going to forget someone
Tam–hurrah! sounds like you really *are* moving on
RN amazing me-wow you have been going through it.Glad things are slowly being sorted
Hugs for you April Rose and love Always

Hi rebecca, good to *see* you again
BW-just let your beauty shine through and have fun!

SA-your situation feels impossible to me-I dont know how i would even begin to deal with that!

FW-hmmmm.I always learn so much form your posts even though reading them makes me feel uneasy sometimes.Guess Im not so keen on the truth!

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 3:52am
696: ruth says:

Off to look at sassys site now

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 3:52am
697: Tam says:

Hi Ruth!!!
Nice to see you!!
Yep, no more nonsense for me. I finally had it now.
Feels super good actually. I feel free.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:08am
698: ruth says:

Good for you tam

Read back a bit more now
Gosh some of you sirens are going through it right now

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:18am
699: Simply Goddess says:

The flat people av phoned… So lemme know if ya wanna jump on board…. Its £350 a month

The text I’ve just receive after him not speakin to me all weekend! I’m fuming!!! Is he for real?
I’m sat in work and feel like crying

What flat? We hadn’t even looked! I can ‘jump on board’ ?? Aye friggin aye captain!!
Do I not get a look in.. I avnt even decided, we haven’t looked, HE HASnT EVEN SPOkEN TO ME ALL WEEKEND! Argh

Sorry for the rant, just feel sooo I don’t know.. sad, angry, confused, pi zed off!!! Where’s the romance?

Feeling message?

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:26am
700: ruth says:

SG
I would feel pist off too

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:29am
701: Sassy says:

Hi Ruth, glad to see you back, and thanks for looking

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:51am
702: Tam says:

I feel guilty saying this…but Mr Aircraft Engineer from last night would probably we good for a little affair…oops. I just have that feeling….hmmmmm…you know, someone who is sexy but has absolutely no relationship potential? Hmmmmmm.

I got home last night thinking: ooooohhhhh….maybe I am up for that now. I don’t feel strange anymore kissing men. Ha!!

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:53am
703: Tam says:

Ah, I probably won’t though, I am done with that kind of thing really….

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:54am
704: Tam says:

I could really do with a bit of action in that department though.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:55am
705: Sassy says:

Sheesh, only half my comment came thru!!

Here-
WOW, SG
Maybe you could say “it feels bad to be asked about a flat when I haven’t had a chance to see it. Maybe we can look together? What do you think?”
Idk, I’m certainly not the best at FM, I’m sure some others will suggest some.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:57am
706: ruth says:

well, Tam, if you can do it without getting attached;)

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 4:57am
707: Sassy says:

Tam,

As I believe Rori says-if it feels good, keep doing it, and if it doesn’t feel good, stop doing it”. (Something like that).
Sooooo, can you do it in the spirit of allowing yourself to just feel good?

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:03am
708: Tam says:

706..Ruth, with that one the answer is firmly: yes.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:07am
709: ruth says:

well, get in there girl!

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:10am
710: Tam says:

Sassy…let’s see what happens, if he contacts me again. He asked me out for dinner but I was busy that day. I am not bothered either way.
Feels like I need a bit of fun before I am ready to plunge into anything. Not sure. Didn’t think I did, but last night I thought: hmmmmmm…..maybe I want to play the field a bit. Maybe I just haven’t found anyone to play with….this one could be one.
We will see….

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:11am
711: Tam says:

709..Ruth lol…

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:12am
712: ruth says:

a bit of good ole rumpy pumpy makes the world go round;)

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:14am
713: ruth says:

I am feeling silly and frivolous today

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:15am
714: Goddess Lily says:

I STILL haven’t learned. I leaned forward with two of my men last week and of course it got me nowhere. It’s such a simple concept. I feel so frustrated with myself.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:16am
715: Tam says:

712+713…hehe..me too Ruth. Ha!! I haven’t had any for…8 months? At least. Too much info here.
I am out of practice probably…not that I ever was ‘in practice’, having been single for so long.
Life is too short.
I probably won’t do anything today but I feel naughty and a little frisky today..hehehe..I am amusing myself now.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:17am
716: Tam says:

now I can’t concentrate on work…pffff.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:17am
717: ruth says:

I like feeling naughty!

Goddess Lily-no beating yourself up, hey?

Its a hard habit to break, the leaning forward

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:20am
718: Sassy says:

Tam,

Practice makes perfect….

Goddess Lily-ditto what Ruth said. I am one of the queens of leaning forward…or rather I used to be. I’m getting better. It’s all good.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:26am
719: Tam says:

Oh, here comes MrP’s answer. Douchebag or no? The decision is yours:

I totally understand, and there are “no worries”..

done organizing? yeah right.. haven’t even started – it’s not my forte (strong in french

yeah, i don’t need anymore stress in my life … life is basically a stress filled moment.. so it’s important to have fun when you can..

did do the boating thing yesterday.. should have called you – it was an impromptu decision.

will do the wed downtown again… perhaps we can meet there and catch up.. i’m not picking you up, i’m not buying you a drink (it’s free for you anyway).. just perhaps sharing ideas and benefiting from that.

can’t wait to get the F out of here..

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:29am
720: Tam says:

I feel angry reading this email and I was sooo happy today. I don’t even thing this warrants a response at all.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:29am
721: Tam says:

Actually, my response right now would be ‘f*** off’

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:30am
722: ruth says:

ooooooh
he a little bit cross Tam!

Goodness how generous of him;)

PS do you really get free drinks?

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:31am
723: Goddess Lily says:

Funny thing is I just got an email from one of the other relationship gurus right after I posted that. The he’s just not that into you email.

Thank you Universe, I hear you……I just need to follow through.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:31am
724: Tam says:

at a guess, he got pissed off at me saying ‘helping would be on a strictly ‘friends only’ areement.
Hence now the ‘not picking you up, not buying you a drink’
And he went boating without me.
He is just trying to wind me up.
I do not need this in my life.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:32am
725: Goddess Lily says:

It just feels bad because I can no longer claim ignorance. I know better, now I must do better.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:32am
726: Tam says:

I am going to let him have it.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:32am
727: Tam says:

722, yes it’s ladies night.
I will tell him that I am fuming and to stick his boat and his drink where the sun don’t shine

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:33am
728: ruth says:

It just takes time to unlearn the leanign forward thing

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:33am
729: Iamabutterfly says:

ran into Jack CD over the weekend. I’ve been leaning back. I don’t think I’ve been closing myself off, but who knows? I’m still new at this…

How did I feel seeing him? Pretty apathetic, honestly.

anyway, for the first time in what feels like a long time he talks to me first by asking me an open-ended question.

I give him a one word answer. (it was all that was needed.)

chatting continues with others.

He asks me again, and kind of shakes his head up and down in that “and…?” kind of way, wanting more detail kind of way.

Now I feel angry, but I can’t tell him I’m angry, because to everyone else there, there’s no logical reason for me to feel angry.

I gave him more detail, but didn’t expound on my thoughts and feelings. I just didn’t feel like it.

Another guy approached me that was there. I like this guy. He’s single and manly and cool.

Jack CD didn’t say another word to me, and left without saying goodbye.

didn’t feel really angry until I was driving home.

I think he’s too much of a girl, feminine energy man.

I feel kind of disappointed and confused.

Want to forget about him, but he still means something to me, because he did help me heal, big time. Was really good practice for me. Used all the tools on him. He responded really well, but never really stepped up.

I guess I could still try to talk to him, but we are seriously never alone anymore, and at this point, I just feel like what’s the point?

I feel okay. I just feel a little sad and confused…

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:34am
730: Tam says:

I offered to help him with his stuff..and I am supposed to get a taxi to meet him, as he is so precious…the precious little boy.
Well, feck that.
Oh I am livid.
I just want to hit him. With a baseball bat.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:35am
731: Tam says:

I think it’s ok for him to say ‘friends only’, but if I say it he gets his knickers in a twist. Awwww.
Raaah.
He really thinks I get a taxi to see him, this is funny. Very funny.
In fact we might be going out on a girls night anyway wednesday downtown. If I bump into him, I will take my free glass of red wine and tip it over his goldilocks.
And now I can’t concentrate on work at all.
But my anger is shifting from ‘angry’ to amused at him being so horrible….just because I said ‘friends only’.
Jeepers.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:38am
732: Iamabutterfly says:

a friend of mine posted a really cute pic of me on fb. I look like a 100% feminine, cool relaxed girl in it. More of my fb friend guys have been paying attention to me now.

I feel really annoyed by that. it’s just a freaking picture…

I’m still me…

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:41am
733: Iamabutterfly says:

catching up on your story, Tam, I feel intrigued…

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:43am
734: Tam says:

The boating was a jab. he didn’t call me because he had my ‘just friends’ email on Saturday.
Nothing is impromptu with this man, if he wanted me to come, he’d have asked me Saturday already.
He is just taking the piss and playing games.

I am not the doormat turning up on Wednesday. I don’t even want to see him anymore.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:45am
735: Goddess Lily says:

Tam,

I feel annoyed by what he said. But he doesn’t even deserve a response. Him telling you what he won’t be doing for you and oh by the way, he did the one thing he knows you want to do. At least it is there clear as day, he’s not worth your energy, especially not to retaliate.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:45am
736: Tam says:

I stick with my guns. He can moan and groan all he likes. I was going to let him have it, but you know what? It’s going to be a no reply.
I can’t be arsed anymore.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:47am
737: Tam says:

Goddess Lily, exactly.
He knows what he is doing. We are dealing with a highly intelligent man. It’s manipulation.
Forget that.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:48am
738: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel curious, Tam. Has Mr. P actually thrown out the word “friends.” if he has, that’s a big deal. if he hasn’t though, he just sounds kind of…I don’t know what the word is…non-chalent? Clueless?

What do you think?

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 5:51am
739: Femininewoman says:

Tam I know you did not ask for my input but again I am wondering at your anger. It seems like even though you say you are done, there is still some hoping that will step up. Maybe it might help repay some “relationship debt” that you might think he owes you. I get from his email that he might be pissed at life in that area and just wants to get out. I read his words as inviting you to just hang out as a “buddy”. Again I encourage you to not take his words personal. It has no reflection on you. They might not be what you want to hear right now but an easy no could be a way of praticing boundaries.
Also you do have the choice of not opening and reading his emails.

I believe the anger and the resentment you have going on are clues to look inwardly to see where you are angry at yourself and maybe ask yourself “why am I angry” over and over again until an answer bubbles up.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:04am
740: LiliBee says:

688:

Francesca,

That feels so inspiring to read

I feel power in your words.

Thank you for sharing.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:05am
741: Femininewoman says:

RE 737 – It’s manipulation.

When I read certain assertions, I keep remember Rori talking about us making up stories and telling ourselves things about what is going on for the man and most times at the end of the day what we believe is far from the truth.

“just perhaps sharing ideas and benefiting from that” – this tells me relationship is nowhere on his radar suggesting so seemingly not spending his energy on manipulating anyone or anything. He did say “The decision is yours” though some would suggest that this is using reverse psychology and I do admit that I have felt triggered by this kind of statement or something similar.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:16am
742: Femininewoman says:

Francesca is back?

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:16am
743: Tam says:

Lilibee and FW, no it was me throwing out the word ‘friends only’ this time. That is how I feel, and certainly feel right now.

And this is why he got angry. And this is why the ‘won’t pick you up, won’t buy you a drink, didn’t invite you for boating’. He is just making a point. ‘if you want friends only, that’s the deal’ – well, it would have been the deal anyway. Whatever.

I feel peaceful now again, I just had to get it out.

And for the record, my anger, well, if I had offered any of my friends any help – and first they don’t answer and then they say ‘we can meet but I am not picking you up (take a taxi), and I am not buying you a drink’ – I would be angry with anyone. My friends don’t treat me like that.
I was taken out for brekkie, dinner etc etc by my friends. They offer me places to stay.
I do not consider this polite, I consider this rude and again: disrespectful.
Don’t want that in my life. Fullstop.
As long as he is in this frame of mind, I am not even agreeing to meeting him. At all. Friend or not.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:16am
744: Annie says:

693: Francesca.

I wanted to know what they meant by belligerent
I knew that it was a not very nice judgmental label and that didn’t feel good.

I can be belligerent about things, however, when I didn’t react in my habitual way and asked what does belligerent mean and in what way do they think I am belligerent. They looked shocked and took a few minutes to answer.
I felt really frustrated at the slow response and waiting for an answer.
This happens quite a lot if I challenge and ask for clarification and answers.
Usually they then do not give me a direct answer and divert, go off topic etc.
This time they answered but it appears they did not even mean belligerent. They had the wrong word. They meant stubborn or something similar. And they did not like that their reasoning and logic wasn’t able to change what I wanted because they think they know what is best for me.

I had this again only yesterday. I want to take the train for a long journey I have coming up. Yes it is a bit of a fag and not an easy journey on the train I know that.
But I do not want the long drive back as I know I will not get much sleep the night before and then have a busy day before the journey back on a busy motorway.
I believe this is unsafe for me to do the drive under those circumstances so train feels best option for me.
Neither option is great but at least the train will be safer.
I got faces pulled at me and words trying to convince change my mind me. It made me feel really angry, misunderstood and uncared for. I care about my safety and know what is best for me.
They are only able to see it from their POV if it were them doing the journey, even though I clearly stated that I know I will feel too tired after the lack of sleep and long day.
They do not know what is best for me.
And I will not let someone like that make decisions for me. It is not their decision to make.
I feel fed up of listening. I do not care what they think it is not their business to decide. grrrrrr. Leave me alone to do what I know is best for me.
If the train is a pain, which I am sure it will be, it’s a pain but at least I will get home in one piece.

I felt angry.
I know my anger was protecting me as underneath I felt pain, heartbreak that they did not understand and did not care for my safety.
And I have no control over their lack of understanding and empathy.
I know that at this moment in time they are unable to understand, I understand that, so logically it is nuts to be feel angry.
I know all this but still feel it all.
I want them to care and understand. SIGH!
Well I care, so will just do what I feel best and if they think I am stubborn, belligerent whatever, so be it!

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:17am
745: Annie says:

Feels pointless to argue as all that will achieve is defensiveness and them trying to prove me wrong.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:20am
746: Tam says:

741, FW, the ‘decision is yours’ was my comment, sorry for the confusion.

Oh no, like I say, I know him too well. He is now expecting me to beg him to take me boating, pick me up etc. He wants me to say ‘please, please’.
He wants to be adored and chased and so on.
He just got pist by me saying ‘friends only’, I would help him but that I do not need more stress in my life, and that it will be on those terms – he repeated it as if it was his statement. He totally parrotted my words.

He wants me to go back to doormat. And I am not going to.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:21am
747: T-Girl says:

New article up!

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:22am
748: Femininewoman says:

Hi Francesca, welcome back. Here is something I had saved “it doesn’t feel good chasing you by phone. It feels good to let you lead the communicating. It feels good to hear your voice”.

“It feels confusing when I hear nothing. It feels so much better to be kept in the loop. I feel kinda crummy waiting around for people”.

You could also consider how many times you have spoken about this with him and if you believe he gets it. If you think he does then maybe choosing the Sirens way might speak more volumes that FMs. That is “leave him be. Drop the conversation. Get out there cdate to improve sense of self. See that there are other men out there. Grow opinion of yourself and shift your vibe”.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:26am
749: Laughing Goddess says:

I’m looking in the mirror and feeling shocked by what I see. Can I love this part of myself that feels so harsh and abrasive, that sabotages and pushes away my dreams?

Can I love this part of me?

I feel unsure. I feel unsure of what to do with this…

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:27am
750: Tam says:

Oh sorry, meant to say lamabutterfly, not lilibee…sorry. Yes, he is clueless on top of everything else, that too.
And angry.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:28am
751: Tam says:

The other bizarre thing is that he used my petname also. And then let me ‘have it’.
Confused, the boy.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:30am
752: Tam says:

Ok, concentrating on work now, swatted that annoying wasp buzzing around my head this morning

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:34am
753: Annie says:

Tam. That’s how girls treat their girlfriends, re offering to pick them etc.

Men do not tend to do this, unless the guy says something like any chance of a lift from my observation.

To me it looks like the same invitation as before. I am going out wed, come if you like, you know where I will be if you want to, it’s up to you really, I am going anyway. Treating you like one of his mates, which you have said is ok. Do you want to be his friend as in one of his mates? One of the lads? Or do you have romantic feelings still for him.?

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:34am
754: Femininewoman says:

I’ve had a guy say to me “you’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself” after a late night out with him.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:39am
755: Silver Moonbeam says:

#598 Zara

Great post, thank you.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:41am
756: Tam says:

753, Annie, he used to pick me up all the time. Even when I had a boyfriend. Provided I did not ask and it was his idea. All the time, always. Now it is a big problem? Ha!! Yes, because I stated it as one of my boundaries two weeks ago, that’s why!!

I don’t want anything anymore with this man, unless he starts to behave in a way that I condsider as friends.

All my friends who want to spend time with me, are picking me up right now as I do not have a car and not enough money to waste on taxis – and he knows that more than anyone else. So go figure.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:41am
757: Linda says:

Hello Goddesses!!

I have not been able to be on here since Friday. I read thru. My heart hurts and identifies with so many here. Hugs to all of us who are discovering more deeply who we are, what works for us, setting and walking out our boundries.

I am glad at the moment that I feel unattached to anyone except myself, daughters and grandson. I like the lack of drama and peace I feel. I feel balanced and non-needy. I feel open and hopeful that I will meet the right man for me soon.

The quality of men I have been meeting lately has gone up tremendously. They are just not my men yet. I feel free from trying to make them into or compromise in anyway with the ones I have met.

I know that CD’ing is good.. however I am in a place where I am just not able to remain open to date a man that I do not feel attracted to in a romantic way. So far all of my dates have been that way. I have turned down second dates on the last 5 men. I just dont want to lead any of them on. I would not want to have that done to me.

I met two new men this weekend. The ones I talked about in #143. THe one I felt easy to talk to on the phone is not attractive to me at all. He has called for a movie date Saturday which I said I was busy..(i had a different date planned already) and football game in a couple of weeks. He is very nice but just leaves me feeling flat and uninterested.

The second one I met on Saturday, I had spoken with all week, he text all week too. Not as much a the two prior men… he was more balanced but he felt needy and he was trying tooo hard to be liked. It felt disingeniune to me. It was a BIG TURN OFF to me. I saw that he had my picture as his walpaper on his phone….we had dinner, drinks… asked for another date while we were eating… then he gave me roses, candy and a bad of dog treats as a surprise. I received them graciously. I feel odd that I felt impressed adversley by him and all he did…then first thing sunday he was hinting to come to my house… spend the day together, do yardwork with me. I just felt like running. I graciously declined and spoke with him before bed. He sent me a text at 3:52 AM telling me he was off work today and would enjoy bringing me lunch to work!!!
OKAY. I had to tell him ty but no thank you …. I wish you the best, I just dont feel a romantic attraction …. He told me that the last woman said the same thing. He probably should be listening to the messages us gals have for him. (He has been single for 24 years. Willing to spend money. time, do things… all the things I want in a partner, just not from him.

I feel good in the fact that I am not trying to be okay with something that does not feel right to me. I have grown bunches in that department. Again feeling very balanced.

I have another meet and greet on Tuesday. Who knows maybe I will like him. I have not actually spoken to him, just emailed on the website.

Hugs all especially #183..April Rose I feel you…

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:41am
758: Tam says:

753, Annie, he used to pick me up all the time. Even when I had a boyfriend. Provided I did not ask and it was his idea. All the time, always. Now it is a big problem? Ha!! Yes, because I stated it as one of my boundaries two weeks ago, that’s why!!

I don’t want anything anymore with this man, unless he starts to behave in a way that I condsider as friends.

All my friends who want to spend time with me, are picking me up right now as I do not have a car and not enough money to waste on taxis – and he knows that more than anyone else. So go figure.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:42am
759: Tam says:

Oh, maybe I’d consider being one of the lads if he picked me up and took me boating, i e if there were benefits for me in this.
As it stands, he wants me to help sell up, but at the same time I am supposed to run after him and spend my money on taxis etc to do that?
Got to be joking, absolutely no way, Jose.
What am I? A free personal assistant paying for the privilege to see him? ha ha ha. too funny. I feel amused.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:47am
760: Iamabutterfly says:

Tam, I feel super intrigued. meet me on the new thread?

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:49am
761: Femininewoman says:

“Provided I did not ask and it was his idea.”

Tam this is a clue to how the male mind work. They naturally want to lead so you will find this as a common theme among many masculine men. When they know how we truly feel about stuff and they want to they come up with bright ideas about how to keep us feeling the way we want to.

When we ask it can take away the intrigue, the mystery and leave then with a sense of obligation that can cause resentment. I personally love it when I know a man’s preferences and prefer when a man is willing to tell me know. I don’t want a puppet so I feel pissed when I discover a yes man. I actually feel afraid of those.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:55am
762: Tam says:

761, FW, agree. If you remember, I was stating boundaries and said with feeling messages ‘it would feel great to be picked up’…I did not ask in the traditional sense.
He didn’t like it though – same about the last minute stuff, I also said it would feel better to know some time in advance. Anyhow, not my problem anymore.
I am not longer questioning what I did or didn’t do ‘right’. He is an obstinate pain in the backside and he knows that, and I have had enough of it (like everybody else, or most people in his life)

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 6:57am
763: Tam says:

Oh I do not like ‘yes men’ either.
but an all ‘no’ man who is never budging, or compromising at all – well, it has caused a lot of problems. Down to the fact that he used to get peeved off when he bought me something to eat (even when I said I was not hungry), and I didn’t eat it.
I even had to eat to his schedule. He is a control freak. If he had managed to have gotten me breathing to his schedule, he’d have done that also.
It’s his way or the highway.
I remember one time when I asked him to do something and he didn’t say ‘no’ first but answered with ‘yes’ straight away. I said ‘wow’ and he said ‘I know you didn’t expect that, did you?’
Pfffffff!!!!

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 7:01am
764: Tam says:

he is not a man, or a friend, who wants to ‘make me feel good’. It is more important for him to ‘get his way’ and I realise that now.
Just after I said it would feel sooo good to have advance plans – the day after he texted me at 9pm, saying ‘I am here at so and so bar downtown’.
I refuse to see that as non-connected.
I would not even have been able to make it there within an hour even with a taxi.
He knew. He was just teasing me and it was because I had said ‘I would feel better without last minute plans’.
His way of saying ‘I am boss here’.
I just can’t be arsed anymore, bottom line. I have been slapped one time too many.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 7:05am
765: MissStix says:

((((Tam))))

Honestly??

Eww. I wouldn’t respond to that email either. Who invites a person out then, before even getting a response, makes it a point to say oh yeah, btw i’m not picking you up or buying you a drink. pffffft Actually I kind of lold because it all, everything he said seemed so unnecessary! How bout “Hey, no thanks i’m doing ok without help! How you been?”

No. You deserve a rational and respectful man.

And btw my male friends offer to lift me (and G with me) all the time even though I have a car and always say no. So i’ll say, gimme a break on that one.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 8:41am
766: Tam says:

Thank you Smile. Yeah, he is angry. And that is fine. I am not going on Wed. Now I would not even go if he picked me up.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 10:03am
767: Tam says:

Rational, loving and respectful – goes for friends as well as for everybody else, exactly, quite right love!!

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 10:04am
768: Tam says:

yes, it was all unnecessary. Also the boating remark. First time he goes boating without me when I am here. Impromptu..ha ha..probably prompted by my ‘just friends’ remark. ‘And now I am going boating without her, and will tell her about it’ His loss….and still funny as it was always assumed I was his date when boating as we went with another couple or so. He is making a point. And really, whatever.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 10:08am
769: The girl says:

Roeri, this thing happened AGAIN and I really need your advice on this if you please.I said goodbye to “the gay guy” which probably is true,at least there is no way for us.Afterwards, I felt this calm inside like I did very right and I really let him go with honour and respect, and a good feeling came to my body and heart.And today, this man who has been around for 2,5 years now, who always comes back somehow, came and talked to me, more calm and more forward than ever before, telling me he and his son would come later to OUR house to give an invitation card for the sons birthday, and so they did, and he also offered me to take my son to the party with their car(I don´t have a car).And this happened today!Last time I had a “crush”, and that was even worse of a crush than this one, when it finnished, I stayed home crying overmy craziness for one week and THAT WEEK, this man of today WORKED outside my house with planting grass(he is a builder and works with planning areas)so that week, when I stayed home, he was here at my yard.That was in april.
And he has been around before aswell offering me to drive my son, take him to football etc, but back then I was not open for his “services”.He is a really great guy, our sons are friends(they have been so since the first day they met at daycare, but that time he was married to his childrens mother and the year after, they divorced.This is a kind, nice guy and a good father, he is a real “rock” kind of type.I have always liked him a lot allthough I couldn´t show it from the beginning.I try to show all I can now, without doing anything.I try to be inviting, nice, happy and calm always when he is around.How can I progress this?Maybe I shouldn´t.Maybe I just practice do nothing, as you say.But I have to be inviting enough…love The girl

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 10:35am
770: April Rose says:

Linda,

Thank you for the hugs.

I feel pleased you are dating. I wouldn’t worry about not feeling attraction. In fact, that would work better for me!

I only want to date in order to heal myself and get the tools working.

I think it’s best for me to let a broken heart heal for a while before jumping into a new relationship.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 10:54am
771: MissStix says:

The girl

Lean back, sink into your femininity and allow this man to come to you. Do exactly as you’re doing. Be warm, inviting, receptive and allow him to do the rest!

He is already showing you he’s willing to “do” for you and give to you.

Lay back and enjoy!

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 11:13am
772: The girl says:

Thank you, I have been practising to be thankful lately, for as many things as I possibly can, and it shows!
MissStix, thank you for your words!I will continue to do so…:)

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 11:21am
773: zara says:

755: Silver Moonbeam

Hello
I am just back from your land

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 11:57am
774: Janie Baby says:

hey ladies. need some advice. on saturday my boyfriend said “oh ill call you tomorrow after work. maybe we can get dinner”..
and we also had definite plans for today since we both end class at the same time, we were gonna get lunch and go to the pumpkin patch.
yesterday he never called, so i was upset and so when he called today , i saw i was going to go home and go on a run. he got very angry and was like I thought we had plans to go ot lunch.. and i said well we also had plans for you to call me yesterday so i didn’t count on that. and he got very upset and was like well i thought yesterday was maybe plans and today were real plans and got very upset and was like you’re ruining our relationship you always expect me to do everything. you never call me or plan anything … it’s a two way street. This is what he said to me. I just said “well i don’t like chasing a man or having a flaky boyfriend” he got angry and hung up.. NOw I have the urge to call him an hour later. What do I do? should I call or hsould i just go on a run and go for some costume shopping ? it just makes me sad cause it is one of the only freedays we both have to hang out and i feel like i kind of ruined it.

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 12:22pm
775: April Rose says:

Hi Janie,

Have you got any of Rori’s programmes or the e-book?

They will help with all the elements of what is happening with you and this man.

Briefly, from what I understand, it is always best to have firm plans in advance for dates, and to express your preference for that.
If there are no firm plans then best to make a firm plan (with another date or yourself). That way you stay true to yourself and you’re not left hanging on a hope.

If a man doesn’t match your expectations (in this case didn’t call) then you need to keep a warm open heart whilst at the same time expressing your feelings WITHOUT MAKING HIM WRONG. For example “It feels good to hear your voice, and I felt disappointed when I didn’t hear from you yesterday”
This for me is where my practice is – and it’s working – to be warm and appreciative and also express my anger.

Next thing. When he says ” you’re ruining our relationship you always expect me to do everything. you never call me or plan anything”
- agree with him!!! Sounds counter-intuitive, but it will make him feel safe and validated. Say “You’re right. And I do feel so much more feminine when you take the lead”.

I am sure he took ‘flaky boyfriend’ as personal criticism and withdrew, wounded.

Rori says don’t lean forward, and the best damage control is to lean back.

But me personally, in this case, I would offer an apology.
“I’m sorry I called you flaky. I was feeling frustrated. I was looking forward to spending time with you, that’s all. I feel sad now.”

Just state your feelings and leave it at that. There is no obligation for him to call you.
This is called ‘rockstar’, when you can express your feeling state and not require a certain response.

Hope that helps some.
Hugs,
April Rose

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 1:54pm
776: Janie Baby says:

Thanks April. I really appreciate your advice. I really like the idea of being warm but still stating my feelings. That’s something that’s hard for me to do; I always get a knot in my throat and end up sounding kind of bitchy. Today he called cause he thought we were having lunch, and I said well I went home. and He said “well I thought we had plans?” I said and “you also said you’d call me yesterday and you didnt” …. So I felt like I got caught up in trying to prove a point and be right, it’s hard for me to express my feelings in the moment without going on the defensive.. I have the ebook, but the programs are kind of expensive for me right now. Would you recommend anyone in particular?
THanks again for the great advice <3
lots of love

Monday, 22 October 2012 @ 10:15pm
777: April Rose says:

Hi Janie,

I would recommend Reconnect your Relationship.
I think it would be ideal for your situation, and it costs a little less than some of the others.
I paid for mine in monthy instalments, which helped a lot.
Love to you

Tuesday, 23 October 2012 @ 3:25am
778: Silver Moonbeam says:

#773 Zara

I wish I had of known, I now live in London, we could have met for a coffee.

Wednesday, 24 October 2012 @ 5:19am
779: Donna D. says:

Hello,
My problem is that I am dating a man who is scared to death of my ex-husband. We were all friendly acquaintances through my best friend while I was married to my ex (includes my boyfriend). We would all see each other in a group setting about twice a year. My marriage was an awful relationship. My ex suffered from depression and anxiety. He never wanted to work and was never there for me in anyway. I ended our 13 year marriage over 2 years ago. I dated several men and one of those men (unexpectedly) was the guy I am dating now, which knows my husband. We dated casually while I was separated and then broke it off while I was still separated from a dispute we had. Four months went by without any communication. I relocated back to my home town to be with my family (during divorce) for support and help with my 2 children. My now boyfriend, found out I had moved to the town he lives in and he started pursuing me. I was somewhat cold at first and then gave in to his charm and fun loving ways and we casually started dating again. He has grown into something more, however, the something more is soooooo great and so confusing all at the same time. He hates conflict or any kind of negative talks or behavior. He hates drama, etc. I had conflict myself, because I went through enough of that to last me a lifetime with my ex. The problem is that he sends me mixed signals. After we’d been dating for 6-7 months, I suggested he meet my kids. He had been hesitant before because he knew it would get back to my ex. He did meet them several months ago and has been spending time with them occassionally. He has taken the three of us to an event he had tix to, hangs out at our house playing the Wii and eating dinner with us, invited the kids over to his house and he made dinner for us, said recently he wanted us all to go to the mountains and spend the night (if I thought that was appropriate) and even frequently suggests us doing things together with the kids. Well, several weeks ago, my youngest child, my son, mentioned my boyfriend to my ex husband when he was with him for the weekend. I was perfectly fine with it because I am not married to him any longer (been divorced for a year) and have nothing to hide. It doen’t bother me that my ex knows my current boyfriend. The same weekend that my son told my ex about him, my ex texted my boyfriend (he had his number from previous interactions over the years) and said “You ruined my family”. My boyfriend did not tell me about this for 2 weeks. He did not reply to him and wouldn’t reply to him. My ex thinks claims that my ex broke us up but he knows why I left him, he was a terrible husband for years and nothing I tried could make him change for the better, so I left. He admitted this to me after I left him. My ex is just having a pity party like he has always done in every aspect of his life whenever things aren’t going well for him. My ex is unemployed, no car, just got evicted from his apt and had to find a new place to live, in trouble with the courts for not paying child support, etc. etc. His life is good, so “misery loves company”. My ex has always been the type that nothing is his fault or there is always an excuse for his inefficiencies. He’s been like that since he was a child per his mother. In the last week, since my boyfriend told me that my ex texted him 2 weeks ago, he’s wanting to continue to “hide” pics of us (he deleted me on FB after we started dating when I was separated) from Facebook (he says its too public and doesn’t want the pics to be seen by my ex). He says it’s rubbing it in his face and could cause him to get angry. He is now saying things like “we don’t have to tell your kids that we’re dating or anything about us, the kids will get their own interpretations and tell their Dad….I don’t want to give the kids anything that they can go back to their Dad and he come after me. He thinks my ex would come after him physically. He thinks this because when we were separated he put his hands on me one night and I had to get a restraining order the next day. My ex has also been arrested for assault on a police officer during a fight with another individual, and also put in mental hospital for a week when I left him. The cops were involved and they took all the guns and any weapons he had at that time. My now boyfriend, is afraid that my ex has gotten a gun back and will come and use it on him since he knows we are dating now. I try to tell my boyfriend that he is more worried about my ex than my feelings. My ex has only sent him one text that was ridiculous in the first place. Everyone (family and close friends) know that I left my ex due to years of having a completely miserable marriage, but my boyfriend thinks that my ex thinks he had something to do with it. My boyfriend is now backing away from being around my kids and doing anything that could get back to my ex. He says he wants some more time for my ex to get his life straightened out before we make everything so open. By the way, my ex lives about 3 hours away. What is so confusing for me is that he and I live in the same town – he shows me that he loves me (he asks me out or comes over frequently, calls almost every day (only skips a day here or there when he’s out of town on business), cooks for me, gives me gifts, I’ve met his family and friends, he tells me I’m beautiful, takes me to concerts, events, stares at me, compliments me all the time, hints about a future together, tries to please me in every way, very affectionate, etc. etc.
He has been moving our relationship forward in every way EXCEPT when the mention of pics being posted publically that my ex could possibly see or since my ex texted him. By the way, he told me he loved me 4 months ago and has never told me since. He shows me, leaves me “love notes”, tells me he needs my love, that he’s crazy about me, etc. which is also confusing to me. I wonder if he’s waiting for me to tell him I love him before he tells me again. I haven’t initiated tell him I love him first (except on a card) because I want him to give 100% of himself to me before I give him 100% of me. I have given him 90% but can’t go the remainder until my emotional needs are met. Even though he’s definitely progressed, there is still that 100% that I need. I love this man. He’s hard working, intelligent, very outgoing (everybody loves him), very social, caring and very much a gentleman. He’s very non-confrontational, which I love, but I also hate it. This causes him to be so scared and paranoid of my ex. He also has a hard time opening up and talking at times (i.e. the “I love you, etc). He’ll open up in different ways. An example is when he asked me to be exclusive, instead of just coming out and saying it, I was talking about fingernail polish or something and he said “I’m all yours and I hope you’re all mine”. I smiled and said yes and later realized, I think he wants to make sure I’m not dating others. He’s never been married and is 52 years old. I’m 10 years younger than he is. I want to be with a man that loves me and would walk over broken glass if he had to. I feel like since my ex knows we’re dating, why can’t I post pics of us from events on Facebook, who cares if my kids go back and tell my ex about something the four of us did, etc. I feel like if he truly loves me, he would not be so paranoid about my ex. My Ex has only texted him recently a stupid comment. He’s never confronted him or did anything to him and if he did that is what the police are for, right? If he couldn’t deal with the potential threat in mind from my ex, why does he still date me when he could date someone without all the potential hassel. I want a man that treats me the way he does but has my back and will endure whatever to be with me. I want him to set my ex straight IF he has to, but he’s so non-confrontational that I don’t know if he has it in him. He can’t even handle a conversation with his Mom when she gets mad at him. He has to call one of his sisters to call their Mom and make peace for him. Help me! There is so much more to this story, but I’ve already written so much already. Need your advice based on what I’ve written. Am I asking too much of my boyfriend to get over his anxiety of my ex or do I need to give him some more time to get over it on his own. I do know this…if he doesn’t get over my ex and move the relationship forward, I will not be able to stay in the relationship. Thank you so much for your advice. This is eating away at me…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:47am
780: jllo says:

Hi girls,
Iam feeling like I have been living in the cave by finding you guys,reading these stories and comments
I realize Iam not alone and that I have been treated like dirt by men but listening here there is going to be a definate change to my dealing with men fullstop!!!!!!l

Friday, 9 November 2012 @ 12:50am
781: GingerSky says:

Jason Nelson, I love you!!! Lol! Love your words and your willingness to share them, and these ideas… right down my alley… an intentional community of two is how I’d describe this.

You rock and are now added to my very short list of dating coaches I really like, trust, respect and appreciate.

Yes, I’ve had (and have) this with NSM, but not as a committed monogamous ongoing romantic relationship. But I am so thankful that I finally had it and now I know what it feels like. It still feels bad that we’re not together as I wanted, but I am free and making progress!

Friday, 16 November 2012 @ 6:29pm
782: GingerSky says:

jllo, welcome, yes that’s how it begins here. You’ll learn how not to treat yourself like dirt without realizing you’re doing it, then the men around you will change and better ones will come with way better behavior!

Friday, 16 November 2012 @ 6:31pm

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