Hope Springs

   

OMG – I LOVED this movie!

You don’t need me if you’re in this situation – just do what Meryl Street does!

She lays it all on the line, lays her heart out there, says the truth, doesn’t blame him…and won’t settle for less than she wants – a whole, real marriage.

Go see it, or rent it as soon as it comes out.

Some things I got from this:

My mother called me several times after she saw it to ask me what I thought. After I saw it and talked to her about it, her comments were nothing near what I expected. She said…

“He’s an ignoramous!  What would she want with him? How could he reject her like that?  He’s stupid?”

And I realized that this is what we all think…

That men are somehow on “automatic sexual” – and we’re so surprised when they don’t want to have sex (this is reaching epidemic proportions these days) and think it has to do with our attractiveness.

When, actually, it has to do with emotional intimacy.

And that has to do with emotional safety.

Once someone closes down the doors to their heart, we close down our doors in reaction.  And pretty soon, things freeze.

The longer things are frozen, the harder it is to thaw them, because the more denial we have about what’s staring us in the face, the more fear and defense and armor and excuses and reasonings we’ve placed around the doors so that they become nearly immovable.

We have to go first.

No matter how scary it is. No matter how risky it feels. No matter what our brains are telling us and our friends are telling us – we need to expose our hearts and tell the truth.

And then – if a man still wants to keep his doors locked, we have to stop pounding on them and simply move away.

We can’t force a man to open his doors.  We can only invite him.

And you have SO much more power in your invitation (and in your walking away) than you think you have!

Love, Rori

 

 

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1,193 Comments to “Hope Springs”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    And that has to do with emotional safety.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:23am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    And then – if a man still wants to keep his doors locked, we have to stop pounding on them and simply move away.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:25am

  3. 3: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    And you have SO much more power in your invitation (and in your walking away) than you think you have!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:25am

  4. 4: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Oh great!!
    One more chick flick to watch all cozied up on my sofa on a cold rainy night :)
    I sooo enjoyed doing that Saturday night :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:38am

  5. 5: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if it is based on the book by Kimberly Tate?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:44am

  6. 6: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    FW and Turquoise,

    From the last thread:

    Thank You for your comments.

    I feel so happy today.
    I feel totally freed from my chains.
    The heavy dark cloud over my head has dissipated.
    I feel so connected to myself.

    I don’t know when & where I will be seeing D again.
    But I feel confident just being in the moment and not knowing.
    The space is empty and it feels peaceful.
    I feel open to whomever and whatever will want to come in that space.
    I don’t even feel any longing for anything or anyone.

    A man just walked in to say hello and commented at how happy smiley I look.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:45am

  7. 7: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    That feels so good to read LiliBee. Do you think you will online date?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:50am

  8. 8: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling a bit confused and have a doubt with this:

    “We have to go first.
    No matter how scary it is. No matter how risky it feels. No matter what our brains are telling us and our friends are telling us – we need to expose our hearts and tell the truth.”

    How does this coincide with the concept of leaning back and not initiating?

    Or is this only for a long term relationship context, where the things have gone bad? It´s good to initiate in that situation, telling about our feelings even if he seems colsed down and not interested at all?

    But it would not apply an a CD situation?

    Could someone help me to understand this?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:52am

  9. 9: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @8 Ulii – thank you, Ulii. I have never understood this.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:00am

  10. 10: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    During the interview, the 65-year-old actually ‘fessed up to cheating on Shriver on multiple occasions and keeping other potentially life-changing secrets from her, including having open heart surgery and deciding to run for governor of California.

    “That’s the way I handle things,” Schwarzenegger said of keeping secrets. “And it always has worked. But, I mean it does not – it’s not the best thing for people around me because I sometimes – some information I just keep to myself.”

    http://news.yahoo.com/arnold-schwarzenegger%E2%80%99s-marriage-to-maria-shriver-was-full-of-secrets.html

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:03am

  11. 11: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – we go first into the relationship by being the first to open our hearts and be vulnerable

    Not by initiating

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:04am

  12. 12: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    This is how I read it

    we need to expose our hearts and tell the truth.

    We have to go first.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:07am

  13. 13: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel proud to report that I told Warrior that it would feel better if he saw me to my door when he dropped me off. It felt awkward and he tried to negotiate it, but the bottom line is i want a proper greeting and send-off when I spend time with him.

    and so it shall be:)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:13am

  14. 14: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://www.flickspire.com/m/LifeSecrets/PowerOfWords?Id=15432

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:15am

  15. 15: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @Iamabutterfly, 9

    It feels good to know I´m not the only one confused on the very basic concepts sometimes. :)

    @ Daria, 11

    I think I still don´t understand totally.
    I feel confused about the very practical details. Being “open & vulnerable” is more like a state of mind to me, state of feeling … But opeining up first seems to include talking to some extense. Expressing my feelings. And doing that without being asked, starting first…feels like initiating to me.

    So…I imagine a situation where I am feeling strong feelings and can sense my man as cold and maybe he is not even talking to me except about everyday life things. And I feel it´s superficial and feel hard in my heart and disappointed and angry and also wanting to connect to him (has happened to me with my long-term ex). So…how would I open up in this situation without initiating? If he would never even ask how I am?… Just starting to talk about my feelings at some random moment… it feels like intiating to me. And I´d be afraid he´ll shut down even more. But if I wouldn´t start, maybe I´d have to wait forever.

    It does apply also in my CD-situations in a minor scale. There are moments I feel confused if by being open and expressing my feelings would be leaning forward and leaning back (which would also mean I don´t share any feelings without being asked before) is the way to be perceived as cold and uninterested. I have been told I´m perceived that way sometimes.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:21am

  16. 16: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m also proud to report that Warrior took me on a mountain climb and we climbed to the top of one of the very tallest mountains in America, cool!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:29am

  17. 17: surferchicaNo Gravatar says:

    I thought the movie was entertaining and I liked the way Streep focused on herself and not on blaming. Didn’t like the idea that a man so entrenched in his negativity could overcome that in a meaningful sustained way in a week’s worth of therapy and improved sexuality. Not believable. But I did like that when things weren’t shifting at home, Streep’s character packed her bag not willing to settle. That’s the key to me of the whole film. We can’t do this stuff as a “trick” to keep a man. We have to be clear about what we want for ourselves first, and then live that out openly and authentically, willing for any outcome.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:29am

  18. 18: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    7:

    FW,

    I still have my Match.com profile up, and I do get winks and emails.
    So far I’ve only responded to 1 that felt good to me.
    My membership ran out, I still get emails and winks but I don’t get to see the pictures and respond until I pay.
    I don’t want to pay right now.
    Maybe I’ll go checkout free sites like POF.

    My friend says singles do their grocery shopping on Thursday evenings in our area.
    Thursday evening is zumba night for me.
    I won’t go cd’ing all wet with sweat.

    I always get alot of men’s attention at the grocery store though.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:30am

  19. 19: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 14 Femininewoman

    Thanks for sharing the video.

    I felt really moved seeing it. These kind of older men asking for money on the street, make me feel so tender and I often feel like crying. I see them around quite some where I am.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:33am

  20. 20: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Friday night I stopped at the convenience store and chatted with the clerk for a minute.
    He’s asked me where I’m going and what I’m doing before, and I felt so nervous and couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
    I mean, he’s a small-built dark-skinned young man with fine features and I’m big-boned and heavy-set and have big, chunky features and feel all weird and lumpy around him (just riffing here….!)

    So this time I practiced being present with him.
    Him: What are you doing tonight?
    Me: Babysitting.
    Him: What time are you done?
    Me: Late (feeling kind of nervous but settling in and smiling and offering eye contact, opening my heart and spreading my chest open)

    I looked down and looked back up to see him staring at me intently. Instead of looking away, I met his eyes, softly, and smiled. I slowed way down.
    It felt
    so
    intimate
    I let it in, that he liked what he was looking and and was seeing me in such a soft way
    I felt touched in a way that softly melted my heart, I felt something sort of dissolve in a soft and easy way inside
    I felt surprised and pleased by the intimacy
    there was no pain
    no longing
    no ‘electricity’
    no ‘chemistry’
    yet I felt something personal and right

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:34am

  21. 21: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You might be surprised at the attention you get while sweaty. I do it sometimes after zumba. Men into working out might just find you attractive “au naturelle”. You just never know.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:38am

  22. 22: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I did it just this past Saturday. I wasn’t really sweaty per se but needless to say I felt shocked by a man who really looked at me even though there was a woman in tow.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:39am

  23. 23: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Rori! I really needed this! will check out the movie

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:40am

  24. 24: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    so basically i will be taking Warrior as a lover, who treats me like gold. And I won’t be looking to him to be a boyfriend, as I don’t feel he is boyfriend material, although if he wanted to change that, I suppose he could, though I really don’t want to hold my breath on that one, as he is who he is and I’m not looking for THAT in a husband.

    But this is what I want… to have a lover, and still date lots of men. I feel like this is just the practice I need in a lot of ways, and I can feel myself expanding and growing and opening up to all men through my situation with Warrior.

    And life is good and yummy and I feel peachy:)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:43am

  25. 25: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla 13

    I feel inspired reading about you expressing your need for a “proper send-off”. I feel inspired to feel sure about wanting to feel taken care of by all my men in all the little details and not give that up even feeling uncomfortable stating my needs.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:52am

  26. 26: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve seen this movie and although I loved it, I felt uncomfortable because I felt as bad as Meryl Streep’s character in my current relationship.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:53am

  27. 27: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Wow…Wonderful post! Perfect timing!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:58am

  28. 28: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Except when I look at his fb and see him in pics with other girls and whatnot, it makes my heart race with jealousy hahahah how funny

    he feels the same way when he looks at my fb profile, i’m sure. i’ve seen him get jealous a couple of times lol

    this is all so interesting and different and it feels safe and good like something i needed to do before i can feel ready for my forever guy

    I FEEL REALLY EXCITED

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:58am

  29. 29: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily but that is the good thing about stories and movies – we identify ourselves with the characters. That way it is a little easier to change ourselves.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:02am

  30. 30: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t Be Friends

    This is a jump off from a question from Robin -

    “My pattern seems to be getting put in the ‘friends’ category. When I was a teenager, I thought this was the way to go, because I always heard from people that you want to “marry your best friend.” Or that you have a better chance of being with someone if you are their friend first.

    Looking back, I can see how I came to this conclusion; my grandparents were best friends, and theirs was the healthiest of relationships I could observe at that time in my life.

    And even that was not all that healthy and not completely what I want for my own life…

    I really value a friendship element in a long-term relationship, and can see from others in my life that this is important for marriage, BUT…

    I’m missing something if I keep getting put in that category. And I can’t quite figure out how to undo this pattern, because I formed this pattern, thinking it was a good thing to go to one extreme of the spectrum.

    Is there a specific way to break this pattern all at once, or is this something for baby steps??“

    Here’s my answer:

    The truth is – we KNOW a friend from a lover. Hanging out with a male “friend” can be fantastic. My men friends saved my emotional life countless times, and those memories are some of my best.

    Unless a man is gay, however (which is why gay men are often the best friends) – you can TELL if he’s hanging out with you because of genuine friendship or if he’s “interested” in you in more romantic ways.

    And it feels GREAT if a man is “interested” in you and wants to be around you – especially if he’s romantically interested in you, because that adds another dimension that makes you feel attractive and sexy in his presence – not just like a “pal” – and if what you pick up from him is that he’s not romantically interested – as long as YOU don’t have those kinds of feelings for him – it doesn’t MATTER! You can enjoy being with him no matter WHAT his level of interest, as long as it feels like fun – and as long as you don’t CARE.

    The reverse is completely NOT GOOD for you – where you are hanging out with a man who has expressed “friendship” in words, deeds, and energy – and YOU feel MORE.

    Just don’t do that. Don’t hang out with men friends when you wish there were more. Just don’t do it.

    Now – here’s a wrinkle. We’re friends with people because we feel attracted to them. This includes the “geeky” guy we know who’s funny and makes us laugh. This includes our girlfriends. Anyone we feel good around, anyone we want to talk to, be with, stand near – we feel attracted to. And I don’t just mean “platonically.”

    I know this is hard to embrace. But the truth is – there is an erotic component to this attraction. The next time you find yourself talking with someone you couldn’t IMAGINE feeling erotically attracted to – a homeless person, a person you might label as “ugly” – or the wrong gender – if you can embrace the truth that you are erotically attracted to that person as well as attracted on intellectual and emotional levels – you will get this so much faster.

    In other words – if you like being around a person – there is a part of you that feels erotically attracted to them. It doesn’t mean you find this person appropriate for a relationship, and it doesn’t mean you feel romantically attracted to them. It just means you feel sexually, erotically attracted.

    And what happens with most of us? When we’re faced with an erotic attraction to someone “inappropriate” – we shut down.

    And I don’t want you to do that.

    I want you to stay open to ALWAYS feeling erotically attracted to YOURSELF – and so you will ALWAYS be radiating a sexual, sensual, erotic vibe. We’re all afraid of what will happen if we open ourselves up like that – and I want you to embrace that fear and open up anyway.

    So – what you may feel from a man who says he wants “friendship” is that EROTIC component he also feels. You may just hook it up to your OWN feelings for him, because these energies bounce off of each other, or you may mistake that erotic energy for ROMANTIC feelings.

    This is how it gets so confusing with a man who says “friends” but feels like more than that to you. This is why a man can sleep with you and still consider you just a “friend.”

    It’s not cruelty. He’s not trying to hurt you. It’s just simpler for him than it is for you.

    So don’t go there. Just say NO to “just friends.”

    Circular Date. Do the Whole Targeting Mr. Right “Diva” stuff – and it will get clear to you…Love, Rori

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:04am

  31. 31: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t just identify, I actually feel what they are feeling.
    And not just one character.
    Several.

    This at times can feel overwhelming.
    I do this in real life too.
    I experience and feel others peoples joy pain as if I were them.
    Not as if it were me.

    The last year or so I have been able to do this without even knowing them just walking down the street and passing them/

    Gosh I sound crazy reading that back.
    But it is my truth.

    I do have to be careful who’s energy I am around.
    And get myself away at times.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:10am

  32. 32: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I admire you Starla.

    Do you believe you will be able to not become oxcitocin attached and not bond to warrior?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:12am

  33. 33: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, I completely understand that. I feel the same way and my friends don’t really understand it.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:14am

  34. 34: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Love this article. Inspiring.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:14am

  35. 35: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla 24

    I feel related here. I want to do exactly the same with on friend who I have previously named ( I think) Photo CD. He is into me, but I see difference in values & other things why I don´t see him as a long term match right now. But he takes really good care of me and treats me wonderfully & is also quite attractive to me (this I started to feel after I let him kiss me the other day).

    But I also would like to continue to date lots of other men, before settling for the best one. :)

    Nevertheless, I´m feeling a bit afraid of my hormones and what they might be doing and if I might get bonded by them if I start to be lovers with somebody. I usually tend to get overly emotional about a person I am sleeping with,. up to now, at least.

    My number (of men I have slept with) is not yet very high (I think): 5 including my long term ex (+2 I don’t qualify for different technical reasons), only 2 of them after my breakup more than a year ago. And I have always been in love (or made myself believe I am). So there has been an aim to a relationship, an actual relationship, or if that´s not possible, I have cut contact to these guys as continuing felt hurtful.
    So now is the first time I am actually feeling open to have a lover, but doubting my capability to do that.

    I’d feel happy if you shared do you find that hormone-bonding could be a possible problem and how you might resolve that for you.

    Many thanks in advance. :)

    And climbing the mountain — that´s awesome!!!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:15am

  36. 36: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 20 Belle – oh Belle. I feel so soft and melty reading that. I feel connected to you as well.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:16am

  37. 37: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for the bday wishes from previous thread!

    I feel centered and happy today! So far…I like 29. This is mt last year in my 20′s and I plan to enjoy it :)

    Today I look foreward to steak and crab dinner at my mom and dads. Meeting my mom’s new canary bird Julietta. She is a rescue bird and I plan to train her when I stay there for a few weeks at the end of october. Should be interesting…I have only trained budgies and a cockatiel.

    I look foreward to that time at my parents to spend time with my doggy. And mom and dad go to europe to celebrate 40 years of marriage! Go them!! They are fun and crazy! Last year they drove to florida on a harley. They rock!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:22am

  38. 38: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Annie 32 — this is totally possible. We shall see what happens:)

    I also feel excited to practice my sireniness, and not be that girl who acts attached and more needy after sex. And to see what kind of effect that has on an alpha male like Warrior.

    lol i feel kinda guilty using him as an experiment but i think we’re both getting what we want and i feel open and free and big

    i feel excited to strengthen my commitment to taking care of myself through this experience

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:23am

  39. 39: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii, Warrior will be my 5th, too!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:24am

  40. 40: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – yes anytime he says anything to you, such as “do we have coffee”

    “the computer is broken”

    anything at all, is a moment to respond with an FM about what I feel

    instead of keeping it superficial

    “do we have coffee?”

    “oh… I’m feeling awful”

    “what why?”

    “i’ve been feeling so disconnected lately… i miss feeling close”

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:26am

  41. 41: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sweaty is one of my sexiest… esp w a smile

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:29am

  42. 42: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall
    To dream of a waterfall represents a powerful or uncontrollable outpouring of uncertainty, obstacles, or negative emotions into your waking life. You may be confronting a lot of problems, or uncertain situations at once.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:30am

  43. 43: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall
    Water generally represents the unconscious and the emotions. A waterfall is a positive dream symbol that suggests a cleansing of negative emotions or psychological issues.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:30am

  44. 44: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I wish you luck Starla.

    I know I wouldn’t be able to do it.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:30am

  45. 45: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @40 Daria – whoa. i didn’t realize we, as women, could do that. this feels so curious.

    whenever someone asks me about coffee, I think about coffee. if I’m feeling really feminine energy, I might say “coffee would feel great right now!”

    but to take a statement about coffee, ignore it, and express your feelings?

    that feels kind of crazy.
    and powerful.
    and curious.

    uggg, why didn’t I realize this before?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:33am

  46. 46: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfalls
    This is often a sign of fierce passion and longing. The thundering of the water reflects the yearning in your heart. Is there something that you really want, but can’t have?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:34am

  47. 47: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Annie:) very much:)

    I think it’s going to be a bit of a crazy roller coaster, but it’s a roller coaster I need to ride.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:35am

  48. 48: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla 38, 39

    I feel encouraged by your response to Annie. I´ll see what happens too. Although I have not yet decided 100% about this lover thing, I´ll have a good chance to sink into my feelings in his presence tomorrow, as PhotoCD has invited me to eat with him. He´d pick me up from the station & later cook lunch for me & then he´s supposed to install a downloaded translation program to my laptop computer and teach me to use it. That´s the very first time some man is so involved to help me in my professional goals. So that means I´ll be hanging around quite some hours with him.
    If I decide to sleep with him, he’d be my 6th. :)

    Good luck to you too Starla, I hope to keep reading about how the situation evolves.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:55am

  49. 49: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    AND I WAS like baaaaby baby baby oooh
    like baby baby baby nooo
    thought you’d always be around ♬

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:03am

  50. 50: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I could be a lover with someone who does not mean anything much to me….it only happened once or twice but it actually worked. I didn’t particularly like it though, it got boring pretty quick….and I ended it before I got attached to the guys…I was experimenting, whilst hung up on someone else..it was my therapy..kinda worked but only short term.
    I absolutely wouldn’t do it anymore now, but it was really ok.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:04am

  51. 51: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 40 Daria

    Wow! This is great advice!

    Feels really simple, but powerful at the same time. I think I could totally do it (although feeling uncomfortable at first).

    As lamabutterfly puts it:

    “uggg, why didn’t I realize this before?”

    Thanks Daria!!!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:04am

  52. 52: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Ulii, I was undecided too. The thing that was holding me back the most was the dropping me off at the curb thing. It actually really mattered to me, and was short circuiting my ‘turned on’ feelings by not having it.

    my intention is to constantly affirm to myself that i am beautiful and desirable and he is blessed to have me as a lover

    i really would like to stop feeling like *i’m* winning THEM over. like *I’M* convincing THEM to want me.

    yuck, even typing that feels terrible.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:05am

  53. 53: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, from where I am standing, you are in a pretty good place. And I remember that your vibe throughout these months has inspired me. I loved that you concentrated on yourself first and foremost and believe that you will reap the rewards, like you are already reaping them…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:20am

  54. 54: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aww thanks tam

    gosh, you ladies are making me feel so supported:)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:22am

  55. 55: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Life is exciting, isn’t it, you never know what’s around the corner…as I write off one, he starts pursuing…as I wonder if one of my CD’s is a little boring, he starts being really fun and interesting…one who looked really old in pictures, looks quite young and quite nice in real life.
    Surprise, surprise!!! :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:49am

  56. 56: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    tam,
    life is SO exciting
    <3

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:51am

  57. 57: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    She lays it all on the line, lays her heart out there, says the truth, doesn’t blame him…and won’t settle for less than she wants – a whole, real marriage.

    Ooo nice one Rori!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:52am

  58. 58: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens!!!!

    I’m feeling fun and flirty! Feel like dancing!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:54am

  59. 59: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Oo tam, I would live to date in Florida! Moon beach dates would feel yum !

    I was reading back through your posts on the other thread. It felt like you received some sound advice.

    Just gonna enjoy my tea x

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:55am

  60. 60: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Smileeeee!!!! :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:55am

  61. 61: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam as I read through, I was like yes, oh yes, brilliant FW!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:56am

  62. 62: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Dating is no effort here, there are men everywhere…and they are all after my bedsheets..ha ha ha. Not just MrNap ;)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:57am

  63. 63: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I think I need to move ;-)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:59am

  64. 64: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Well, the downside is, Goddess Lily, that as fast as they want to sleep in the lovely clean bedsheets, they are also with one foot out again…especially here…that’s how it feels but I am determined to date and date until I know them well enough to see what they really want in their lives.
    I am a little fed up with the non-committal types which abound here…but there is lots of choice ;)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:06am

  65. 65: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ..in fact, when I was a little tipsy last night (bad move) and MrP was doing a kind of booty call message, i e ‘I am in your neck of the woods this evening’, I just wrote back ‘oh please don’t tell me you are after my sheets too now’.
    I know, not exactly a feeling message but it is a standing joke between us, that when we meet of an evening in my place, which happened once or twice, I would always say ‘no sex’….and he would answer ‘ok’.
    Kind of a ritual now, because I am not a booty call for someone who doesn’t show a commitment…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:10am

  66. 66: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ..the weirdest thing is that once I made up my mind about the no fwb situation, everything improved and started to feel so much better and more respectful. I really do not believe women can ‘win’ men with sex at all now…that was my eye opener.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:14am

  67. 67: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling kinda restless today. I get this way sometimes. Like I want to move my energy away, but at the same time, feel needy.

    My little girl is feeling a little ignored maybe. She needs peace and quiet. Home life has been busy lately. Sometimes I feel like I can’t recharge. I’m not used to having kids around all the time… I retreat somewhere and they find me.

    I was feeling a little blamey about that… but it’s no one’s “fault.” I can always find other escapes. I’m bringing myself to yoga tonight. Some quiet time for me. That will feel nice. Then I may get some patience and perspective back.

    And not want to let the wind blow me away… far far away….

    It will be okay.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:39am

  68. 68: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hm so my friend said POF is full of weirdos… I wonder which dating webites have sirens found to have the highest quality of men? I’m after only the best of the bunch lol.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:42am

  69. 69: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, I have found pretty high quality men on POF…and the key for me was to weed out a lot. They had to write nicely and show a genuine interest in my profile..so the ones that remained were actually very nice, well educated and sweet. I honestly did not make one bad experience. Only one guy was strange, he fell asleep durin the date, on the beach…but he was actually ok too. Just boring and I did not want to meet him again.
    Some of the guys I met on there never turned into anything but we became friendly which is nice, one of them just got engaged…it felt nice to see he found someone. I wouldn’t worry. You can sort out the weirdos before meeting them. Trust your intuition.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:45am

  70. 70: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    smile, i like OKCupid.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:47am

  71. 71: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ok cupid is pretty good here, but I found many of the same guys there that are on POF ;)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:47am

  72. 72: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It feels triggering to see men being described as weirdos. Just like it felt triggering for me to see women described as “a hobby”.

    It feels good to think that we are all just different. What attracts my sister might not attract me and that I can remain open to see what experiences life send me.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:49am

  73. 73: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, nicely said, we are all different. One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure…hehe.
    But seriously, I have often found those that others would describe as difficult, eccentric or whatever to be the most delightful and interesting company.
    When I was dating someone who was in a financial mess one time (and actually got out of it again later), one of my acquaintances said at the time ‘why on earth would you date someone who has no money?’ She thought unless you ‘find’ a CEO, it simply wasn’t good enough.
    I said ‘because I like him’. Simple, no?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:55am

  74. 74: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    I’m realizing that the only lover whose smell I really really loved is the one who triggered the most overwhelming feelings in me and the one who woke me up to how unhealthy my love habits were and how many messed-up beliefs I took on from T.

    I mean, EPIC feelings.
    The mythical “couldn’t sleep/couldn’t eat” kind of feelings, where for several weeks I could barely get out of the house or talk to anyone else because my brain was on fire with the fantasies that were sparked by him. I was in a fog of feeling and thoughts and images like I had never experienced before.
    I don’t think he believed me or could comprehend how massively deep and unnerving it was to feel feelings I had never felt before (how do you explain to someone you can see colors that don’t supposedly exist and they can’t see?).
    I was writing non-stop and spouting poetry all of the place and writing long emails that seemed like a completely different person talking.
    I felt *seen* by him in a way I never had before.

    He’s the only man, so far, who I asked for a tee of his to sleep with (didn’t get it). I was way way way OTT with him.
    I sort of wish I had understood what the obsessing was about (I was obsessing literally 24/7) and that I could have sunk into my feelings more deeply then, and known about FM’s then, but it was what it was…the spark to wake me up and inspire me to clean up my internal mess and be open to real love :)

    Truth be told, it was so one-sided that it showed me how blissfully in love with ME I was, under all of the ragged bleeding woundedness.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:58am

  75. 75: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Belle,

    I feel scared and totally fascinated by your feelings for that man.
    Did you stop seeing him? How did you feel?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:03pm

  76. 76: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    In contemplating even further! about ‘smell’
    I remember that my friend L and I were doing our own version of constellating.
    Something we like to do is look into successful people’s patterns and see if there is anything we can learn from them for ourselves.
    Once we looked at Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, and what we noticed is that Gay “cherishes” his creative energy so deeply, that he doesn’t spend time or waste any time with anyone who doesn’t add to his life. He wouldn’t be sitting around wondering if he should be nice or friends with the neighbor with the weird smell because he’s so tapped in to his own essence that it wouldn’t even come into play for him, he has consciously surrounded himself with the creme de la creme of humanity.

    A good reminder.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:11pm

  77. 77: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @74 Belle – I had a similar, tunnel-vision, obsessive obsession with a man. I had never felt such intense feelings, and I felt terrified of the intense feelings, and I can’t believe how much ENERGY I used framing my every thought, feeling, and experience around him. I too, have no idea why I was so obsessed with him, but I was.

    Feels curious and sad.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:12pm

  78. 78: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I took myself on a date to see Hope Springs. It was a Friday night, and as I had no date, I decided I would go to the cinema with ME.

    Five minutes before I was leaving the house, the doorbell went. It was EM, dressed in his best, looking all scrubbed up. He had tried to phone an hour earlier bit I’d been busy on a call.

    Are you coming out? he asked. I told him I already had plans.
    Yes, I sent him on his way, and then felt guilty all the way to the cinema.

    I kept my date with myself, and really enjoyed the film.

    Yes, there was a hint of regret. But I felt I needed to let him know I was not hanging around waiting for him to show up.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:12pm

  79. 79: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I was referring to men sending pics of their willies I’ve posted about before. I would describe this behaviour as ‘weird’ ‘strange’ to be hence I used the word weirdo.

    This has been her experience of online dating  but there have been nice men she’s found too.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:12pm

  80. 80: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    The film affected me and made me ponder internally.
    Partcularly the line “Are you going to let your pride mean more than your love for this person?”

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:13pm

  81. 81: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I forgot all about ok Cupid, hm I winder how I will decide. Going to do a bit of browsing.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:15pm

  82. 82: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I remember silently shouting at Meryl Streep in the opening scene
    “Stop overfunctioning!”
    when she was cooking bacon and eggs and making coffee for her cold, withdrawn husband.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:16pm

  83. 83: TamNo Gravatar says:

    79 Smile lol..sending pictures of willies does qualify as weird, absolutely…that never happened to me, thankfully!! Eeeeeew!!
    What is it with people these days? ;)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:22pm

  84. 84: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Are you going to let your pride mean more than your love for this person?

    wow. i feel scared reading that…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:23pm

  85. 85: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Oh me want to watch now, feel intrigued.

    Is it a new film or old?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:24pm

  86. 86: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I reserved it at the library. Including the book

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:26pm

  87. 87: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I felt a big ‘ouch’ today when I was rejected on OKCupid by a man I’ve been writing back and forth with.

    I had said I don’t want to waste your time or mine, and that I already had enough penpals. I’m a woman looking for a fulfilling lifetime relationship.

    I then asked him for his birthdate so I could do a simple calculation of our compatibility.

    He wrote back saying “let’s forget it. Those tests and astrology are hocus pocus. The only way to see if people are compatible is to meet face to face and talk”, and a bit more ranting.

    I felt so triggered. I only just stopped myself from responding with “so why didn’t you ask me out then? instead of just writing stuff about yourself?”

    In the end I wrote “Aww, and you never even asked my name.”

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:26pm

  88. 88: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Annie,

    It’s a new film. Out now.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:28pm

  89. 89: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I really need to make myself high degree of difficulty.

    Masculine men step up when that happens.

    I only seem to do it when I don’t care an ounce for the man.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:31pm

  90. 90: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Reading over the convo on OKCupid I feel so mad!!!

    I don’t want to let it lie. I want to have the last word and tear his throat out.

    What an *ss!

    he wrote:
    “I think we’d better leave it then. I know the only test that works is two people meet face to face and talk. Specific age start sign and any anoint of statistical box ticking are hocus pocus in my book. You sounded refreshingly different, genuine and interesting too. I hope your tests find the person you are searching for, sorry for wasting your time xx”

    aaaagh

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:37pm

  91. 91: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    A Rose that is odd. Name and phone numbers are the first things I get sometimes in the first round.

    If I were you I would practice “signing” my name at the end of conversations.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:37pm

  92. 92: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling triggered and raging.

    I also see how my irony could have been misconstrued.

    I also see how previous to that he WROTE ONLY ABOUT HIMSELF, and gave me no springboard upon which to reply.

    I want to draw his attention to the fact.

    Why can’t I let it lie?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:39pm

  93. 93: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((April Rose)))))))))))))

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:49pm

  94. 94: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Starla.
    Your hug feels good.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:52pm

  95. 95: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    It felt fun and lighthearted to do a compatibility test.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:55pm

  96. 96: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    75
    April Rose

    Oh, yes…we were a mess and continually miscommunicating. I just deleted a long post about it because my heart feels so heavy just writing about it and honestly I was mentally ill then and profoundly traumatized. I
    could really have used some quality professional help.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:57pm

  97. 97: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    1. If a man stops treating us, or never did treat us, beautifully as we deserve – we can get bored with him. The co-dependent, pining, waffling, insecure part of us that was throwing ourselves at the feet of a man who didn’t deserve us all of a sudden – when you do the Tools and start to love yourself more intensely than you’ve loved any man – starts to fade.
    And what appears in your mind, heart, body and spirit is a Siren, a Diva, a woman who knows her worth and KNOWS that a good man will make her feel GOOD, not BAD. and instead of feeling pain and grief – you’ll feel disinterest. It’s sort of – you won’t want to be bothered.”

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/do-you-still-want-him/.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 12:58pm

  98. 98: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m doing a lot of healing today (I’m telling myself)

    I was at EM’s house for three hours and was sobbing my heart out for maybe two hours.

    I kept picturing Christmas time, and my family, and how much they like WM, and that I have ruined it by enjoying the lovely attentions of EM.

    WM spoke to me today. He had tears in his eyes. He said he knows we both love each other and its sweet and special that we continue to support one another and no-one has had to leave.

    He seemed to be ‘giving his blessing’ to what he perceives as my new relationship with EM.

    “I’M JUST FINDING OUT HOW I WANT TO BE TREATED AS A WOMAN” – I feel like shouting.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:00pm

  99. 99: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    This one online guy totally freaked on me when I said something he didn’t like. It was so hard to let it just lie. But I’m glad I did. Yuck.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:01pm

  100. 100: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    77
    iamabutterfly

    I think I hit the trifecta with this guy and he somehow managed to restimulate every birth, abandonment, rape and abuse trauma I had ever experienced all in one package.

    My inner voice was literally SCREAMING at me, “HE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU!” and I would scream back and sob, “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! IT FEELS TOO GOOD!!”

    I feel ready to let this heal.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:06pm

  101. 101: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m letting it lie. Just.

    As smile said, it felt fun and lighthearted to do a compatibility test. But he got all triggered.

    Funny. His was the first profile that made me think wow, this could be the one!!!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:07pm

  102. 102: TamNo Gravatar says:

    97, oh FW that resonates sooo much right now!!!!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:07pm

  103. 103: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    97- Me too. Explains how I feel about my ex

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:10pm

  104. 104: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman 97,

    Thank you for the reminder.
    I have just spent the best part of an afternoon in a surprising swell of grief for the man I live with, after telling myself for months that I feel turned off by his less than step-up behaviour.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:10pm

  105. 105: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, I think if anything could have been different about the way you approached him, it would have been to let him answer your email about not wanting to endlessly email BEFORE introducing another topic (astrology stuff).

    I do this, too. I want to distance myself from the vulnerable, awkward thing I said, so I change the subject so I don’t look crazy or something.

    But it short circuits the connection with men.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:12pm

  106. 106: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Ohh…you know what?
    That’s totally it. I had pain confused with love TOTALLY.
    The guy in the convenience store, the neighbor…THAT feels comfortable, sweet, warm.

    It was like M had pierced my very soul with pain and the endorphin response to having all of that pain stimulated was massive.
    He really reflected The Crazy to me.
    The last time I saw him, he spent the night and my body was completely tense, my mouth was dry, I was stiff and anxious, and I let him be sexual with me in a way that was very painful and I can remember now the voice in my head saying, “this is good for you, thi is exactly what you need, this will stir things up so they can heal” (the pain).
    I finally pulled away when the pain got to be too much, and looked at him…he could see the stunned look on my face and he pulled me to him and held me. I think the last thing he wanted, really, was to hurt me
    I was using him to punish me, like Rori says
    I can tell now, how what I felt when I was close with C was pain that I was believing was love.
    I knew it, but I didn’t really GROK it until just now.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:13pm

  107. 107: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @100 Belle – I don’t think I’ve ever been raped. I don’t think. I feel scared thinking about the possibility that I might have been. maybe not raped, maybe just molested?

    I always have panic attacks when I have to lay down on my back on a hard flat surface.

    the first time I “discovered myself,” if you will, I was on my back on a hard, flat surface. I remember a man possibly? being in the room, but I don’t remember feeling unsafe. I do remember feeling guilty…

    I don’t like thinking about this possibility…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:15pm

  108. 108: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    A new little Negative Voice showed up, along with sad tunes on the radio to help its cause.

    It told me of regret. That I was responsible for how things have turned out, and that I had rejected WM, and now I must feel the pain. It said I should have done …this…and that…. and we would have been happy….

    I wept and wept in the arms of a man who wants to be with me and give to me, and I saw the irony.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:16pm

  109. 109: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I remember that I was little. maybe 4-6 years old…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:16pm

  110. 110: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose it seems to me that going from “I’m a woman looking for a fulfilling lifetime relationship”

    to

    “I then asked him for his birthdate so I could do a simple calculation of our compatibility”

    smacks of a masculine agenda, zeroing in on the prey. I wonder if he unconsciously felt hunted.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:17pm

  111. 111: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I REALLY don’t like thinking about this. I feel kind of panicky now. I feel tight in my throat, tight in my collarbone, tight in my chest…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:18pm

  112. 112: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    actually now that I think about it, when I’m alone with an older man (50s or older) I feel pain/arousal down there and I feel panick-y. That’s not normal, right?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:20pm

  113. 113: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    oedipus complex

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:22pm

  114. 114: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I can safely say that I felt abandoned by Dad and verbally abused/put down by my Mom all through life. the only time I ever felt truly safe, like I could let my guard down, like I would be taken care of, like I would be fed until I was satisfied was when I was with my grandparents.

    I mean, I felt safe sometimes with my parents. They weren’t bad people, really. They did the best they could.

    But my mom always tried to control what I ate. and dad was gone a lot and I felt sad and didn’t understand why I wasn’t worth spending time with…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:23pm

  115. 115: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    recent research has debunked freudian oedipal/electral tendencies, i’m not sure how i feel about this.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:24pm

  116. 116: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @113 Feminine Woman – was that comment directed towards me? the oedipus complex…?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:24pm

  117. 117: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly
    I feel regret for bringing this up
    I feel powerless
    I wish I could delete my posts
    We were just talking about turning away from the pain and now here’s a big mess of it
    I don’t know why
    I’m sorry.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:24pm

  118. 118: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i realized maybe i had been thinking i was going after men like my mom and dad because i was told my whole life by psychology that i would.

    and maybe it doesn’t have to be like that at all.

    but “common sense” says it does.

    except i prefer making my own beliefs.

    soooooooo i’m not sure

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:26pm

  119. 119: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Not necessarily Iamabutterfly. Just that the description of the experience reminded me of that. I have always thought it was a questionable theory.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:26pm

  120. 120: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((Belle)))))))))))))))

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:27pm

  121. 121: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tension/pain in my shoulders and tension/pain in my butt right now. I actually remember dislocating my shoulder when we had to lay flat on our backs in a fitness class. it was all women. but being flat on my back made me feel so panic-ky. I was raising my arms, flat on my back, and my shoulder popped out.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:27pm

  122. 122: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I feel an overwhelming urge to ‘clean up’ the messy situations I have created

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:29pm

  123. 123: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @117 Belle – It’s okay, Belle. You didn’t do anything wrong.

    I’ve just always wanted to understand why I feel extreme panic in certain physical situations, or being one on one with older men. It could just be a fluke, and I’ve never been molested or harmed other than emotionally.

    I just feel connected to you a lot, and I feel curious as to why.

    I really feel like my life situation was significantly less difficult than yours. I feel guilty about that for some reason.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:30pm

  124. 124: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    OK–I need to compose my break-up letter or speech-depending on if I say it in person…
    Forgetting how much my heart hurts,
    forgetting that it is craziness on his part–truly
    that is making this happen–

    What do I say?

    I don’t want to be “friends” anymore–not like this.

    I have know him 26 years and we have been together, more or less, for five years.

    He knows how i feel about him, but pretends he doesn’t know when it suits him.

    Do I wait until I get 90% of my stuff out?

    Right now I am so angry I won’t be able to answer the phone or email him back when he finally gets back in touch.

    He thinks everything with ME is normal–just as it has always been.

    He is saving a netflix to watch with me, the last of a series we have been watching for a couple of months. He has held it for almost a week. There is no evil wizard keeping us from watching it together. He just has called me.

    I am not at all sure I could sit through a movie with him–or even be in the same house.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:31pm

  125. 125: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhhh i just did some Wonderful feeling tapping on my second chakra

    alla bout being included and ‘including myself’ – like the issue with my dream

    haha

    and now im about to tap on 3rd chakra

    every time i do the 3rd chakra video i get super extra energy to speak out,even in a ‘giving’ way

    yeayyyy

    and it feels so damn good !

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:34pm

  126. 126: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Iamabutterfly))))))
    (((((((((belle))))))))

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:34pm

  127. 127: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really guilty writing about my parents. They really tried, and they were really good to me. I love them very deeply.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:35pm

  128. 128: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Rori says not to try to fix unpleasant situations.
    To allow the ebb and flow of good times and bad.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:35pm

  129. 129: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Belle)))))))))

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:36pm

  130. 130: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Could it be there is healing in a situation we perceive as ‘unpleasant’?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:36pm

  131. 131: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,
    Yes, I see that.
    I was feeling impatient, and triggered by all my online CD’s, none of whom (except one) have directly suggested a date in real life.
    Makes me wonder if I’m doing something wrong.
    I need a formula – a script that I will write after two or three chat messages when no date has been suggested.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:41pm

  132. 132: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Right now, at this point in my life, all I want is FWB. I don’t feel the need for a relationship or a forever partner, etc. don’t know how long I’ll feel this way, but, there you have it!!!

    Ruth, Memulo, where are you????
    Who else haven’t we heard from in awhile?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:41pm

  133. 133: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @129 April Rose – I absolutely believe yes. I wouldn’t be here if extreme pain hadn’t driven me here…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:41pm

  134. 134: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Molested…

    Ick ick ick blargh.

    When I was a little girl I told my mom a secret, and then she went and confronted someone. They went on the defensive and almost pushed her down the stairs. And called her a liar. She made the mistake of telling me so I said it was all a lie. I remember feeling so scared for my mom.

    And now…I have no memory of the actual “secret” and I don’t know if I did make up a lie or not. And that feels like claws inside my tummy.

    I probably did not lie. But I don’t know. To me, today, the memory is specific that I lied to my mom and then owned up to it. But…I have always wondered if I did not repress the memory out of fear for my mom.

    And the thing is…It dies not bother me. If it did happen. It is the NOT KNOWING that bothers me.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:42pm

  135. 135: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Am I going against myself?

    The night where I brushed off a man to go to the cinema I wasn’t…

    Let me do more of that. I do ‘come when I’m called’ and often my rhythm breaks as a result.

    I intend to live true to myself.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:46pm

  136. 136: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @133 Miss Stix – It is the NOT KNOWING that bothers me.

    You said it. That’s exactly it…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:46pm

  137. 137: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im had a big seeing!

    i see that i associated being seen in a big way, with dying early or being imprisoned

    like martin luther king, joan of ark, um John Kennedy, pfff JExzus

    and! i just got that theres lots of people that didn’t get seen that also die early!

    theres no actual correlation here tho it seems there is and ive been told there is pfff

    its more like, these people got seen, and tehy also had the die early disease

    BUT

    they couldve not got seen and still had that die early disease!

    just like im not correlating noncommittal to marriage with being seen – martin luther king and bill clinton etc

    thats just another disease

    it just so happened these seen figures had the die early disease

    but they woulda had it ANYWAY

    and theres other seen figures that Dont have the die early disease

    oohhh

    awesome

    now i want to get this more and more

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:57pm

  138. 138: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm i don’t do FWBs but i do take lovers hehehe

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:58pm

  139. 139: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman,

    I realise I was hasty and possibly coming across that way (moving things along/being a masc. hunter).
    In hindsight I would simply have expressed frustration with the slowness of the process.

    But then I figured that you can’t say the wrong thing with the right man….?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 1:59pm

  140. 140: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh also it may not even be a disease the die early disease

    at least in jexzyus seems to have done it on purpose to show people that theres life after by coming back but it seems the main thinking has to forgot that and thers just a lot of obsession with seeing him suffering and bleeding

    aww poor jezzus . i wonder if he woke up all the way and went to live with mary magd or if he only came back kinda ghostlike for awhile or waht

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:01pm

  141. 141: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Even with repetitive good intentions on my part, my connection with WM seems to miss the mark over and over.

    It feels painful.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:05pm

  142. 142: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, define what you believe is the difference to you between a FWB and a lover.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:07pm

  143. 143: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    It’s as if I have to be spot-on perfect with Rori’s tools or else there’s a mess :-(

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:07pm

  144. 144: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i also felt a loosening and a lil more compassion for police officers – humans that believe in fighting and putting down ‘bad guys’ – and that i could maybe be able to talk to them without feeling completely tightened up

    sigh

    oh life this feels challenging!

    id like powerful and easy please!

    tahnk u

    all this rage fear and humiliation – i love YOU

    i can be the one that speaks and all beings hear me and feel me and heal thru me

    and i dont have to have the die early disease

    pfff

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:07pm

  145. 145: coco kissesNo Gravatar says:

    We have to go first.

    No matter how scary it is. No matter how risky it feels. No matter what our brains are telling us and our friends are telling us – we need to expose our hearts and tell the truth.

    And then – if a man still wants to keep his doors locked, we have to stop pounding on them and simply move away.

    We can’t force a man to open his doors. We can only invite him.

    And you have SO much more power in your invitation (and in your walking away) than you think you have!

    I love this, and this has never been more true for me at this point in my life.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:09pm

  146. 146: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy – a fwb is a ‘friends’ situation which winds up feeling bad for me. it feels casual and i get that the man is not so into me. shoot he may be dating women and treating them better than me all in my face …

    I feel better with being treated special, dates, respect, put on a pedestal by my lovers

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:11pm

  147. 147: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want a birthday this year. I didn’t celebrate it last year either. I feel pressure to get all my friends together at the same time as this is what my friends do and what I have done in the past. It can’t work like that. Not all my friends are available to celebrate. It feels like effort.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:13pm

  148. 148: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad and unloved that I won’t have a birthday celebration but it’s my choice. I prefer it this way.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:15pm

  149. 149: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel lucky to have amazing friends. True friends. This is not a measure of their friendship.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:18pm

  150. 150: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    But I will be celebrating a few days before with my family.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:19pm

  151. 151: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hm maybe I’ve outgrown the ‘birthday bash’..

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:20pm

  152. 152: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sick.

    I feel trapped.

    I have an urge to beat myself up. My judge says I made great progress last month when I ran away.

    I opened myself to new men.
    Then I came back to the old situation where the cycle has returned to its former state.

    I feel utterly lost

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:21pm

  153. 153: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmmm, and do you specifically have “relationships” with your lovers?
    I feel very intrigued by this dynamic.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:21pm

  154. 154: coco kissesNo Gravatar says:

    i feel sooooo very good with learning to be a feminine feeling woman!!!!! it has freed me, I no longer have to feel afraid of my feelings even the negative ones. I can say how I feel without any fears, and I am learning to release wanting control of outcomes. It really is in the energy. “IF” you call a man and your energy is wanting to control any particular outcome, then you are leaning forward…I realize now that by stating how I feel, what I want, what I do NOT want, and understanding that any man not willing to comply is NOT the one for me, I can keep on stepping….to the tune of my own drum

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:21pm

  155. 155: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Smile,
    Why not let your friends know what sort of birthday you would like?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:23pm

  156. 156: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, they’re just not available :(
    Stuff like parents eve, operations, got tickets to concerts etc my best friend has a friend who turns 30 at the same time so is going to her party as it’s a special one, some friends live too far now or have babies, that leaves friends from different friendship groups who dint really know each other. I’ve tried during the week proposals and weekend. It’s just not cOming together in a way that would ‘work’
    I do feel thankful for my friends though.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:30pm

  157. 157: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and I’ve been invited on a work collected hen do that weekend too.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:33pm

  158. 158: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    *collegue

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:34pm

  159. 159: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    127
    AR
    yes thank you, I felt scared that blathering on about my pain caused someone else pain and it was my fault and I couldn’t be there to help them through it and I felt bad and wrong to go on about it so much and get someone else upset and
    a whole can of worms
    that I couldn’t control
    got opened
    and someone might get hurt
    because I have terrible boundaries
    and I’m so used to living with crap that
    i forget other people aren’t used to
    the stuff that is normal to me
    blah
    :D

    I felt like I had to back away (I went outside to hoop) and not make things worse.
    I feel better now, and I feel soothed by iama’s reassurance, thank you!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:34pm

  160. 160: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Coco kisses

    Yum!

    Exactly.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:36pm

  161. 161: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, I don’t get to have big birthday bashes either. I haven’t outgrown them. I really want to do stuff but it does feel like effort. My birthday is on Christmas so that doesn’t help anything. Now I feel sad, just another birthday about to go by. My first 29th.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:36pm

  162. 162: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    My comment 124 went to moderation. Don’t know why.
    The guy who sold me my car is now my Facebook friend.
    He is single.
    The car had a problem during the sale but before is was completed. It was still under warranty, but in his name. He is getting it fixed at the authorized shop–it’s been there a month.
    When it is done he will drives me down there–about 25 miles or so and help me pick it up. He will pay them and then sign it over to me.
    I like this guy…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:37pm

  163. 163: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow im doing this 4th chakra tapping on something i feel ashamed about that i did

    and im gonna heal it!

    so dope that im getting to heal this

    i feel loved by me

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:39pm

  164. 164: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    This was part of 124–let’s see if it gets moderated:
    OK–I need to compose my break-up letter or speech-depending on if I say it in person…
    Forgetting how much my heart hurts,
    forgetting that it is craziness on his part–truly
    that is making this happen–

    What do I say?

    I don’t want to be “friends” anymore–not like this.

    I have known him 26 years and we have been together, more or less, for five years.

    He knows how i feel about him, but pretends he doesn’t know when it suits him.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:40pm

  165. 165: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Now the other half of 124:Do I wait until I get 90% of my stuff out?

    Right now I am so angry I won’t be able to answer the phone or email him back when he finally gets back in touch.

    He thinks everything with ME is normal–just as it has always been.

    He is saving a netflix to watch with me, the last of a series we have been watching for a couple of months. He has held it for almost a week. There is no evil wizard keeping us from watching it together. He could have just called me.

    I am not at all sure I could sit through a movie with him–or even be in the same house.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:41pm

  166. 166: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    ((((my mom))))

    I am slowly realizing just how much she experienced raising me up.

    She was a great mom. The only mom I could have had. No other mom would have “got” me like she did and does and just always has.

    I look back on fights I had with my mom and I feel an instense heavy feeling in my chest and it melts, dripping down to sit heavy in my gut. And I know now she was the only one truly on my side. Ever.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:41pm

  167. 167: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Nope–got moderated again. No swearing, no s*x… I just don’t know.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:42pm

  168. 168: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy – no, just dating… dating relationship? hehe

    man (men) im dating that i also choose to be sexual with

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:42pm

  169. 169: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells – Jezuz and pl*um the fruit go into moderation

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:44pm

  170. 170: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am getting to COMPASSION FOR MYSELF!!!!!

    heheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:46pm

  171. 171: coco kissesNo Gravatar says:

    Honestly there is no rule saying my husband has to love me, or do anything for me. I realize that if a man wants you he will go after you. Although my husband calls me, and he made an effort (last min) to stop by the house, I can’t say that I feel pursued or even wanted. Of course this is the problem, the main reason why he left. The passion was gone for him, and he doesn’t know how to get it back. He also doesn’t seem to want to do any marriage programs. He SAYS he wants to sit down and talk, but his actions have not indicated that what he SAYS is true. I[m not worried about it…..I <3 ME

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:47pm

  172. 172: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile I am the same with birthdays, I don’t celebrate and then feel kinda sad that I don’t..it feels too much hassle plus I have friends all over, so not practical. That makes me feel lonely sometimes. I do sometimes go for a meal with a close friend or two, which is not complicated…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:47pm

  173. 173: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Still nothing from HS
    In spite of the fact that we have a couple of important work projects that he is in a big hurry to complete.

    Maybe he thinks I will call him.

    I don’t know why–I hardly ever do…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:48pm

  174. 174: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Coco Kisses)))))

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:49pm

  175. 175: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Blimey, ladies, I have men coming out of my ears right now, it is so funny it is almost spooking me out. I feel weird. Just been to the gym and two guys walked past me staring at me saying ‘hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’…then on the beach one ‘interesting’ man talking at me while I was sheltering trying to go for a jog….and as I got home my phone was jammed with messages from my two CD’s and one friend I have in common with MrP…isn’t it funny how it all happens sometimes?
    I feel a little overwhelmed right now, and a little bored having to answer texts and phone calls..haha!!
    Jeepers. :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:51pm

  176. 176: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    So I’ve gotten over 30 replies to the Craigslist ad I posted on Saturday. I don’t know how to decide which one to reply to and which ones to skip.

    I’m feeling skip for the ones that sent me a picture with no text.

    I’m feeling skip for the ones that didn’t write well.

    I’m feeling skip for the ones that didn’t provide any information about themselves but only commented on my profile.

    What do you all think? (I realize some of you are committed to not giving advice right now…)

    Starla, I’m especially looking your way here since you’ve had success with using CL to find CDs, if you feel open to commenting.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:52pm

  177. 177: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – high 5! I feel happy !

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:54pm

  178. 178: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – yay! i feel excited to hear you got 30 replies

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:56pm

  179. 179: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    coco kisses you’re da bomb! your comments feel so soft and silky

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:57pm

  180. 180: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so lucky and in love right now!!!!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:57pm

  181. 181: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so happy reading the blog right now, i feel like clapping my hands and dancing

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:58pm

  182. 182: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yayyy more LOVE!!! :) :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 2:58pm

  183. 183: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    (((cocokisses)))

    Been there…I feel you. And you have exactly the right attitude!

    Who knows what life holds in store for you! You are worthy of passion and fire and being persued! And it will come from someone…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:01pm

  184. 184: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, thank you!! I feel happy too, a little confused..I don’t know whom to date first..I have two stable ones, one recycled one (MrP) and a couple of others that I haven’t even had a chance to reply to…hehehe

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:02pm

  185. 185: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very grateful to know, now, that men are creatures of the present.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:17pm

  186. 186: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes…Yum. :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:18pm

  187. 187: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, #167: Oh, so that’s why when I inquired about Lone Pl*um on the last thread, it went into moderation!

    What’s the story with why that word triggers moderation?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:19pm

  188. 188: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    173 – GO TAM GO TAM! WOO! I feel happy too :-)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:33pm

  189. 189: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Tam’s got options! And she’s in paradise :) ow ow

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:35pm

  190. 190: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily..haha!! :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:38pm

  191. 191: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix..exactly.. ;)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:38pm

  192. 192: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Stix: happy birthday!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:40pm

  193. 193: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    My coworker wrote this for my profile. What do you all think?

    I am a fun, energetic and friendly woman looking for a special guy to spend time with me. I enjoy a variety of things including traveling, dancing, sports, watching movies and I am always up for a new adventure. I value my health and enjoy exercising and eating a balanced diet (sort of), but
    my passion for brownies and cinnamon rolls is still my Achilles heel! My winning smile and sense of humor are guaranteed to always brighten your day.

    I would like to meet someone that has a good sense of humor (I love to laugh) and has a kind heart. My ideal guy would be worried about what he could do to help others more than what he could do to impress them. I care way more about how you live your life and treat those around you than the car you drive or the house you live in. So if you are one of the good guys looking for someone to get to know better, send me an email.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 3:46pm

  194. 194: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yesssss
    i won tickets to see one of my favorite bands of all time

    the universe rocks

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:00pm

  195. 195: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    brandylion,
    dang girl, 30 replies
    hot stuff:)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:01pm

  196. 196: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really weird.

    Mucho emotion today.

    And interactions with four or five men.

    Suddenly I’m finding myself hung up on the one who treats me the worst.
    Feeling sick and scared about this.
    Dark nights and wintery days are coming, and I wish for a ray of summer sunshine in my heart.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:08pm

  197. 197: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I just need a hug from my inner Dad before I go to bed
    (((((April Rose)))))
    Thanks Dad

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:15pm

  198. 198: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Strictly my opinion….but, that looks to me like two sides of the same coin.
    Personally I would much rather sleep with someone that I consider a friend, than some guy that I’m just dating. Do you really think he’s not out there having sex with other women he’s dating? Do you really believe he respects you for sleeping with him in a just dating situation? Sorry, that doesn’t make sense to me. I’m not trying to argue with you Daria, you do what works for you.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:20pm

  199. 199: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Congrats Starla, enjoy!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:22pm

  200. 200: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy, I’m choosing to forget about what “respect” is supposed to look like when it comes to sex. It’s my body and I choose to give it certain experiences. When my heart tells me something else would be better, I will honor it, too.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:25pm

  201. 201: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i like “i don’t do fwb, but i take lovers” very very very much.

    this looks like me cutting WarriorCD off of texting/chatting with me all day about mundane stuff like i’m his buddy.

    and more like us being romantic and sexy together.

    i did, cut him off text/chat today, by the way. I said, “i’m feeling very burnt out on text based communication and i think i’m going to boycott it for a while, but it’d feel great to hear your voice.”

    the end.

    i’m enjoying this new high maintenance me:)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:28pm

  202. 202: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Miss Bells, pop on over to the baggage reclaim site, there’s an article titled “when you wonder why they stay with you or keep coming back when they don’t want the relationship that you want”. It sounds as if it was written specifically for your situation. I hope it helps you get some clarity.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:33pm

  203. 203: StargirlNo Gravatar says:

    Starla and Ulii I am excited about your plans!

    2 1/2 years a go I broke up with someone I was crazy about. April Rose, I identify with your description of WM and thinking things over, like maybe it could have worked out… but I too feel like I missed the mark over and over. And really, I am trying to let go and accept that it wasn’t meant to be. I even had a dream recently that I wanted to know why he broke it off, and he said he wanted to focus on learning to fly a plane with his left hand only and with his right hand only. In the dream it made sense to me and I accepted it, and I felt more at peace afterward.

    After a long time of trying to get over him and several short relationships, I met a sweet guy and let my guard down with him, and he was my number 4. Although he recently eliminated himself from my CDs, I think it was a good step for me, and it helped me practice the new things I’d learned about taking care of myself first and letting him pleasure me.

    I have gotten too busy and forgotten to take care of myself lately, so I will have to get back on it.

    Miss Stix 29 and Goddess Lily 29 soon? My 29 is coming up in February- it feels exciting and comforting to know we have something in common.

    (((Coco Kisses)))

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:36pm

  204. 204: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    And Starla, I will say the same thing to you. Do what works for you.
    My friendships with the men I choose to sleep with are very special to me, but I have no illusions or expectations.
    It felt as if you have to defend your choice to sleep with Warrior. It doesn’t matter to me one way or the other, we all have to live with the consequences of the choices we make, whether they be good ones or not.
    I did not bring up the subject of respect, I just leant my thoughts on the subject.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:42pm

  205. 205: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy, you did bring up respect, and it felt intriguing to me.

    “Do you really believe he respects you for sleeping with him in a just dating situation? Sorry, that doesn’t make sense to me. ”

    it’s something I’ve thought about a lot. And even believed most of my life until now. And my beliefs are shifting a bit so…

    I just feel good hashing this out here, and getting clear with myself. It’s my safe spot, you know?

    :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:46pm

  206. 206: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #202
    Thanks, Sassy!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 4:53pm

  207. 207: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    My respect comment was in response to Daria’s description in 145 about dates respecting her, putting her up on a pedestal, etc.
    I totally want you to hash your feelings out about this. I truly believe you have been wrestling with yourself about sleeping with him for a bit. I’ve been concerned about this because of all of your fall-out from CF. But you have come a long way.
    And I hope you will continue to feel safe here to go thru your process around this.
    Maybe my feelings around the differences between FWB and dating are a reflection of generational ideas. I don’t know, I just know how I see it and feel about it.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:01pm

  208. 208: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, with all that excitement, I totally forgot to give the “it would feel good to have concrete plans’ speech to MrP. I am going to state my needs so as to not set him up for failure because poor thing doesn’t know that I have changed and do not accept last minute invitations/cancellations or ‘maybes’ again.
    This will be interesting…nice experiment!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:04pm

  209. 209: TamNo Gravatar says:

    hmm, how about that:
    It would feel so good to see you on Wed and I am free so far, but… tentative/confusing plans and the possibility of last minute changes/cancellations make me feel a little nervous. I don’t want that. So if it is a ‘maybe’ and dependent on any external factors or ‘people’ changing plans, I will pass up on it… as that doesn’t feel right to me’

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:08pm

  210. 210: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy,
    Warrior is no CF (sadly) and never will be. He is a horse of another color, with different offerings for me on my journey.
    (((((((((sassy))))))))))))
    ((((((((((me))))))))))))) (just cuz, hehe)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:09pm

  211. 211: TamNo Gravatar says:

    by people I mean other people..maybe I should state that.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:09pm

  212. 212: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    also, i think your feelings (and rori’s) about fwb are super valid (and not uncommon).

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:12pm

  213. 213: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,
    You’re welcome. Please let me know if that resonates with you. I understand your feelings and dilemma surrounding this situation and it hurts my heart to see this confusion in someone that clearly wants it to work.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:17pm

  214. 214: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Starla. Yes, I get that he’s not CF and this is a whole new and different story for you to experience.
    A mama worries….all I can say bout that

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:19pm

  215. 215: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    I’m gonna play devio’s advocate here….is nervous really the feeling you’re experiencing? Just curious

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:22pm

  216. 216: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …Sassy: nervous and icky actually, that’s how I will feel on the day if there are no firm plans…
    I can’t think of another feeling that comes up as it isn’t angry..maybe anxious hits it better

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:25pm

  217. 217: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Sassy

    Although it wasn´t asked from me, I started to reflect on the difference between the concepts of FWB & Lovers and how it feels to me.

    As I have not had neither of these situations yet… it´s only based on my imagination how it would feel.

    And the main difference is that the first would feel bad and the second would feel good.

    FWB…I´d feel secon class, he might have other women he is interested in more than me, he can come & go when he pleases, he assumes I don´t have any expectations whatsoever…he´s probably not doing nice romantic things for me.

    A lover is totally into me. Ideally, he is in love with me, he’s energy is coming towards me. And I’m the only woman for him at that moment. There is lots of attention and romance and sexy moments. At same time there are some reasons why he can not be “my forever man” (I so like this term :) ), some deal breakers to become my future husband (but not for a lover) or there are reasons why I don´t want to settle down just yet and still want to date others. And I am not so into him that I would be afraid having sex would “ruin it”… or something.

    I think a lover can be also a CD, but…

    In my usual CD-circle I´d be more careful about getting bonded by my hormones. And probably would wait a lot longer to get to know the person better before going into bed with him. At least I´d be more worried how sex would affect everything.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:41pm

  218. 218: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Tam

    I did not check up all the blog from last few days, but seems you are doing marvellously well in Florida. Feels exciting to read you have men coming out of your ears there. :) Yo go girl!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 5:46pm

  219. 219: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 203, Stargirl

    Nice you feel excited…My lover-plan is not yet fixed, but I´ll be telling about the evolution on the subject. :)

    And it resonates what you wrote about getting over your ex (and also what Aprile Rose wrote about WM)… My ex M and I broke up last summer. And I have been doubting too and thinking “what if..”

    I feel very strange about the dream you had. It feels like a symbol of how there can be a totally silly reason for breaking up, and yet…it is like that and you just have to accept it´s reality. That maybe there never ever was a good reason, but it´s still over. So better to concentrate on what future brings.

    Thank you for sharing that dream!

    (((Stargirl)))

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:02pm

  220. 220: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii,
    The beauty of this blog is just that…that everyone is free to post their comments, feelings and opinions about any post they want. I feel happy you were inclined to post, especially with the confession that you haven’t had the experience of either situation.
    Again, I will hold my opinion about what you think the differences between the two are. Suffice it to say I feel your description of a lover sounds more like someone you are actually in a relationship with, as opposed to a “dating relationship” as Daria called it.
    As has been said here many times, we each are on our own paths and journeys and will experience everything differently.
    I respect and appreciate each ones feelings, thoughts and process.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:07pm

  221. 221: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    “Anxious” sounds more authentic to me.
    I truly truly hope this works out exactly the way you want it to.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:09pm

  222. 222: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla

    “my intention is to constantly affirm to myself that i am beautiful and desirable and he is blessed to have me as a lover

    i really would like to stop feeling like *i’m* winning THEM over. like *I’M* convincing THEM to want me.”

    –

    I want to encourage myself with what you say here too, I´m not trying to convince anyone..:) they have to be totally into me on their own..! :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:10pm

  223. 223: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Ulii and Sassy…as for it working out how I want it..actually, I want to be treated right and that’s the main prerogative right now.
    I feel happy and curiously unattached to any man or outcome right now. long may it last :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:15pm

  224. 224: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow well i feel wayyyyy freer and happier

    No dread so much cleared guilt

    Ugh! I feel surprised at how much guilt I was heaping upon myself. And hiring her to beat me up for it.

    Wowie wowie

    So much tapping and yet yeahhh I shifted

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:18pm

  225. 225: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘Do you really think he’s not out there having sex with other women he’s dating? ‘

    I dont know, nor am i interested lol

    ‘Do you really believe he respects you for sleeping with him in a just dating situation?’

    Mmmm??? *blink blink*. Does not compute. I believe he/they respect me because they treat me with respect. Why they respect me is not of my interest.

    I don’t feel confortable sleeping with a man without dating and romantic effort from his part. Calling me a friend (only) indicates to me that I’m not a romantic interest. My heart feels pain in those situations. My body gets sick when I have sex while my heart is feeling pain.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:36pm

  226. 226: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol my guess is because Rori wanted to see when lone pl*um would post one time when she left the blog , probably so she could connect w her then.

    She did come back at one pt, but under a diff name.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:41pm

  227. 227: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe I sound like a robot

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:43pm

  228. 228: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    And now I’m feeling annoyed.

    Hmm am I judging myself? Perhaps, and feeling a lil tightened up. (((Daria)))
    It’s ok, this is new. Babysteps

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:48pm

  229. 229: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    1496: Dominique says:

    “Annie – @920 – Why did you friend him? Only you can answer this question. And if you feel overwhelmed at any time, you can just as easily unfriend him.”

    I didn’t fully think it through.
    Believed oh we must have unfinished business even after all these years.
    So felt curious about the message.
    Then on reflection was woaaaa, what am I doing.
    I don’t want to get dragged down into a pit of unhappiness with an ex who has just found out his wife cheated on him after 21 yrs.

    He was my first proper boyfriend.
    Was always so sweet to me.
    We were only 16.
    I felt a bit guilty I cheated on him after 2 1/2 yrs.
    I broke a boundary I do not want to agree to friendship or fb friends withmarried men unless I now then as a couple and the wife is happy about it and noooo PM all out in the open.
    I wasn’t thinking straight.
    It’s that ” oh we are all adults here, what is the problem? ” that is all seems ok on the surface to do this.

    Where on reflection and going deep, of course it does not feel good.
    No good can come of getting my energy tied up there.
    He is not my man.
    And whatever is going on with his wife is his business.
    I don’t want to get involved.
    I just get sort of, oh why has he shown up?
    How Bizzarre. what message does he have?

    I don’t want to get dragged backwards, especially with someone who is unhappy and is married. Even as a male friend.
    I’m sure he has loads of friends, so why on earth after 20 odd yrs he decides to contact me and pour his heart out who knows.

    Feels best to distance myself now, after being polite and engaging for a while and feeling sad for him.
    I told him I felt uncomfortable chatting about his stuff, and to me it felt best to move away from anything that felt bad and towards the stuff that felt good and made me happy.
    He said that was good advice, although I wasn’t meaning to advise.
    And hopefully he will now leave me alone.
    I need to do what is loving for me and be compassionate to me.

    ” re car accidents and men, I have had several, two of them serious. There were two different men in my life for each one, K for the last, and there was no question what was more important, me or the car. He rushed to the hospital to be with me.

    Even with my ex who had some serious “issues”, materialism being just one of them, the car was of no issue. He too rushed to the hospital though after care was a problem for him. I had to have others come and help me which feels sad in retrospect, but this one of may reasons why he’s an ex. xxoo”

    Ty Dominque

    I had no visible outward injuries.
    It was internal trauma and shock.
    He said it was obvious I was ok as I wasn’t injured.
    I felt an emotional mess.
    He doesn’t understand as he was ” well your alive and fine so what’s the problem. And his words felt cold harsh.
    I just wanted a hug.
    I felt like nothing.
    less than a object.
    less than a car.
    It still hurts me now.
    I am obviously still stuck.
    Frozen in time.
    I need to unfreeze it.

    I was unable to do fight or flight so froze. And my life flashed before me.

    xx

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:50pm

  230. 230: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Soon I’ll feel easy, validated confirmed by my experiences, and passionate loved and free. I will feel secure in my self respect . Yayyyyyyy

    No more feeling tightened up. About dating multiple men. Like Rori said ‘yes I’ve been dating it feels amazing’. Ha

    Wooh!

    Party w freedom to be me

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:50pm

  231. 231: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel scared
    I feel overwhelmed
    I feel unworthy
    I feel judgmental
    I feel like I got the wind knocked out of me
    I feel tension in my neck

    (I just joined match.com)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:51pm

  232. 232: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My husband will find me when I’m showing my full self like that and rebelling in life?

    But what if men Will judge me and fall off? Actually the opposite will happen, you kno it’s counterintuitive, seen it happen before. The ones who fall off the first batch are not the forever fighters Aaand will just get replaced by a huger batch of better. Oh joy superstar

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:55pm

  233. 233: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ooh, I feel a mischievous grin on my face. I just sent my speech and feel happy that it’s me making the rules in MY life. It’s easy.
    It feels good to look after myself. I do feel sad for the me that used to wait for the phone to ring, used to wait for the invitation, used to take crumbs. I feel really strong right now :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:57pm

  234. 234: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I opened my profile on pof for a few hours yesterday, and got five emails and talked to one guy, but I felt so blank. Not exited at all, I was nice and polite, but it felt so fake, so not me….I closed it again. I am feeling disconnected to men lately.

    I like myself, my solitude, I even told “Dw” to stop contact. I have outgrown men, I want a deeper connection. Maybe I am evolving so much that I may not need a man after all. That will feel so liberating!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 6:59pm

  235. 235: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Remember when I thought requiring men to come to me would have men drop off cuz they’d think ima snob?

    That did Not go down. I’ve had men driving to me everyday the whole year. Score!! Way more men then before.

    That means Thid upgrade along w the ahead time dates will multiply my pool exponentially again.

    Getting me into the ‘good men’ pool as well.

    Score!!

    I think no name cd has dropped off and I feel a lil thinky and a lil relieved. I actually Do have potential lovers now, unlike last year. Tho the one I’m thinking of may not get to see me cuz his time is off. Somehow he always caught me still free but that won’t go down anymore w the planned dates.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:00pm

  236. 236: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    No name cd I feel unsure about as I ft uncomfy w his pouting at the hotel.

    Oh I just thought of another man that could be a lover PhotoCD.

    Smiles yay I’ve broken my no lover curse. I’m in charge

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:03pm

  237. 237: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Shoot now that I’m requiring such great treatment, just receiving it turns me on so that most of my dates could probably become lovers after a few

    Im steeped in romance

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:05pm

  238. 238: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m gonna need a spreadsheet for this CDing stuff. I feel more fear than excitement. What am I afraid of? I feel bad saying I’m not interested in someone. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, especially when they put themselves out there first.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:11pm

  239. 239: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily the content of the profile sounds good but to me it kinda reads like a resume. I would encourage you to rewrite it incorporating I feel and what feels romantic for you. I hope Daria helps you out with it.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:12pm

  240. 240: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:

    I have had a lover and friends with benefits. My lover was someone who had expressed his fondness and attraction to me many times over the course of our friendship. When I allowed him to be my lover, it was all about me and my pleasure, I felt so special. He was in an open relationship with a woman in France (she also had lovers), so my feelings for him grew to love, but I never felt any desire to “possess” him. His love and passion was freely given and I was more than happy to receive. It truly was a case of not having to do or be anything. It felt sensual and warm. It helped me love myself again and naturally ended when I wanted to look for a long term relationship.

    Friends with benefits, on the other hand, came from a place of insecurity. Guys that I wanted to win over with sex in college, I didn’t know how to be comfortable with myself. It hurt so bad when they didn’t want more, I felt desperate. I came off as cool like it didn’t matter that I wasn’t getting any love in return but it made me feel so bad about myself.

    I felt so proud of myself when I told LLcd that I did not want fwb, I wanted to date and get to know someone. I got asked out on a date the next week :)

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:13pm

  241. 241: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 187 there were some “words” and people felt unsafe about a stance she took and things she was writing about. Rest assured though that her happiness increased exponentially.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:18pm

  242. 242: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, help! I don’t want to look like I am applying for a job.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 7:20pm

  243. 243: JimNo Gravatar says:

    Rori,
    You are right, cd’ing is the only way to go. I see a different woman every night, almost every night, all the while using what I’ve learned here. What’s good for the goose… right?

    I’m out there seeing what women have to offer me now. If they don’t have much… no need to even say good bye.

    I admit, at first and for a long time I thought cd’ing was just adding potential trouble to already perilous waters. Instead it’s a terrific way to weed the garden, not to mention get intimate views of the flowers and weeds.

    After all, we are all grown up now.

    So thanks again and best of luck here,
    Jim

    p,s, I posted this on your last blog, sorry didn’t see this one.

    I think I’ve learned the true road to equality, I used to like being there for a woman. Now? For lack of a better analogy, so to speak… I keep a balance sheet. I put out a little, they put out a little, they put out a little, I put out a little.

    Doesn’t matter that I make more money than most women or less than some, keeping expenditures on both sides to no more than 100.00 one person or the other is a good way to handle things.

    Like dinner, most times I pay my half and they get the message to pay their half. Works too.

    I’ve learned not to be a sucker just because I like women. I have learned wisdom and incorporate equality and fairness.

    I’ve had a few women I like cd’ing, at first, like I said, I was bothered. Now? I like it. I mean after all this is how I came to this conclusion.

    For years I put out the money, attention, love, time, responsibility and emotional stability. Then came the troll, I learned a hard lesson… life isn’t fair and it was never meant to be fair. So I stopped feeling sorry for myself, got wise, made new personal policies where we are all equal… all of us.

    Realized I still love women… changes were long past due. If a woman doesn’t like me cd’ing. Not my problem, after all she’s the one that’s triggered and those are her feelings, she needs to deal with them. I take care of my own emotional stability, growth, health and my overall self, thus let women do the same for themselves, all of them.

    Believe it on not, I must be doing something right because it’s all working for me, has been and will continue to.

    Again, thanks, take care and good luck here,
    Jim

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:15pm

  244. 244: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jim,

    I wonder if you are bitter? I hope not. We lose a piece of our souls by teaching ourselves how not to feel.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 8:51pm

  245. 245: JimNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove,
    I don’t think I’m bitter, don’t feel bitterness towards anyone… not any more, sure there was a bump, more like a train wreck but who’s counting… life is good! In life, almost all of us get hit hard one time or another, some more often than others. No one is to blame, shit happens, we cope, we grieve, we live and go on living.

    I don’t know that I would or could say I don’t feel. I’ve felt my own hurt at times. Felt hurt others have gone through, things happen.

    I think most of us would like not to feel pain, suffering and all that. The thing is, all feelings are just part of our being alive, living.

    So much is done to feel. We go to the movies, that movie incites us to feel because we’ve gotten involved
    emotionally, be it from a safe distance, tho we are still involved thus we feel.

    Same in relationships… of any kind. Generally, what I’ve found is my feelings are directly connected and manifested by my actions of involvement. Very simple, very real.

    I also think it’s anatomically impossible to teach ourselves not to feel. On the contrary, feelings are one of the greatest feedback and inspirational mechanisms we contain.

    Thanks for your comment Radlove, No need to wonder but by all means… live and wander to your hearts content.

    Jim

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 9:07pm

  246. 246: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jim, I feel curious if you ever feel inspired to pay for a woman rather than going dutch and if so, what is it about that woman or situation that inspires you to do so.

    …wanting insight into the mind of a man…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:06pm

  247. 247: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Also wondering if you are wanting to eventually settle down with one woman or a satisfied with cd-ing long-term?

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:08pm

  248. 248: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Wow jim…

    I love the stuff about feelings!

    I think you are absolutely free to do what feels good and right for you. I think your post 243 reads as a little bit cold, but I don’t know the emotion behind it or it’s intention. I just know I felt very tense reading it. My body seemed to take insult.

    My main intention in this process is to learn to feel my feelings instead of fearing them or harshing on myself and chastising and correcting. It keeps me from a) accepting mistreatment and swallowing it down to fester in my gut and make me, yes, bitter. b) It teaches me how to know if a man is interested in me, or the same things I am. If he is, it teaches me that I am good enough and worthy enough to receive it. And if he isn’t it teaches me I am good enough and worthy enough to walk away. Feeling a lot of stuff but still emotionally intact. c) that I can date other men if a man is not interested in the same type of relationship I am, at the same level of committment as me. And, yeah, keep dating him. If he’s interested in putting in the effort.

    It feels odd to be saying this actually because i’m not even CDing in the technical sense. I am just sinking into an awareness and getting comfortable with what I feel when i’m around other men.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:13pm

  249. 249: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I have to much to do 

    Overwhelming feelings. I feel anxious, tingling all over my body. Lump in my throat tightness, waves of nausea.

    I feel like I put too much pressure on myself. I can’t do anything less than perfect.

    Im balancing it out and trying to do less but that’s what’s making me feel anxious. I feel guilty when I have work to do but I want to relax.

    I love my job but I can’t keep this up till I’m 68. I prob won’t make it to 68 at this rate.

    Makes me want to save for the future. I’m ready to retire lol

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:54pm

  250. 250: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, what a speech!!!

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 10:55pm

  251. 251: JimNo Gravatar says:

    laughing Goddess,
    Well, well, well!! Glad you ask! Do I ever feel inspired to pay for a woman? All the time, all the time, BUT I don’t, not anymore.

    Will I in future? I surely hope so with all my heart! BUT meanwhile, I quote a very dear and perceptive friend, “… Your a sweetheart beneath all your walls.”

    and I would like to add to that… “99% or the time, 99% of the people are wrong.” I don’t mind being 1% and when I’m 99%? I don’t mind learning a better way, most definitely, onward, back to 1%.

    Settle down w/ one woman, you ask? My answer to that is… Most men say attempting to understanding a woman is something tantamount to subscribing to the catch 22, oh well. Do I believe in fairy tales? No, because a fairy tale is just that, a fairy tale. I think the answer to that question really lay in a woman’s heart and the same goes for men.

    In other words… Don’t buy it unless your willing to pay for it with your life, because that’s exactly what your doing, both man and woman. Live with that, accept that, both sexes, that there’s no leaving option on the table,ever, accept that. Then you will find 2 people that live happily ever after. Or not, the smart ones do.

    Reality- The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

    Don’t know if you got a man’s perspective in general, now you have mine.

    Thanks,
    1%

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:04pm

  252. 252: JimNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix,

    Sorry about your feelings. A few, more than a few years back I got rolled up and spit out. Tho, my awareness was always there in that regardless what happened “to” me, it was my feelings I was going through.

    No doubt in this life one really needs to know what they are doing.

    Dag nabbit Jed… some days are just harder than others!! What’s the trick? Make good memories, works for me.

    Your body seemed to take insult? Kinda like drinking whisky or smoking for the first time… it’s an acquired taste. If you want to drink, smoke or cd on a regular or casual basis.

    I found in life, what I feel is intimately connected to what I think and believe- always. Changing my mind, changed my life.

    Your healthier than you realize,
    take care,
    Jim

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:32pm

  253. 253: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix – I was reading all about your birthday on the last blog post, and the other stuff you wrote and – OMG, girl, you have been through a LOT!!!

    I hope you got a really nice massage or something for your birthday because I’m sure your little body could use some nice, safe, lovin’ up. That sounds like some really serious early trauma. Being good to yourself is a good way to go…

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:35pm

  254. 254: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel intrigued by the fwb vs lover discussion! I love the way Daria (& others) described a lover. I am not sure what will happen with TN, not sure if he is right for me longterm, but it actually feels good to think of him as my lover for now. It’s way past fwb – there is romance, dates, passion, emotional intimacy, respect, him paying everything, adoring me, genuine love, pedestal, etc. so beautiful and feels really good & special.

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:36pm

  255. 255: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I feel hot. I just seriously truth-told with Vman.

    He accused me of “guilt-tripping” him when I asked him to do something to help me (and something else as well) and he said no. But I called him out on it.

    Yes, maybe I acted a little entitled when I asked, and then he declined to help. But in my opinion, he just made himself look like a selfish jerk. If he looks and feels like a selfish jerk, then that is NOT my fault. If I feel angry because I don’t like something, I feel angry. That is not a guilt-trip.

    He admitted that he didn’t care about the thing that I cared about. Okay. So it’s my responsibility, not his. I took the onus off him and put it back on myself. That does not constitute a “guilt-trip.” That’s taking responsibility.

    I just felt super triggered about a lot of it because my dad was always accusing my mom of guilt-tripping him about this and that. It got to be so that I almost saw “guilt-tripping” as synonymous with the (at least perceived) female “role” in relationship. But it’s also NOT the role that I want to play. I have been super conscious about NOT guilt-tripping Vman about anything, and simply telling my truth.

    But a man who feels “controlled” by a woman will often confuse his desire to help her with a kind of “guilt trip.” This is what I think happened with my dad a lot. And I could almost see it happening with Vman.

    I really don’t want to get caught up in a situation and dynamic like my parens had. I want to get over issues quicker, learn to forgive and accept the other person as they are, and move on and stay in the positive (as much as possible.) But I also don’t want to just lie down and accept something that isn’t true about me. I don’t give a crap if he feels offended at what I said or not. He called me out on acting selfish and entitled. And I admitted that I did. But I do NOT admit to guilt-tripping. If he doesn’t want to see the truth about himself, that’s fine. That’s his business. He doesn’t get to cop out and make me responsible for his “guilt.”

    Now way, buster. Not my job….

    Monday, 1 October 2012 @ 11:43pm

  256. 256: babystepsNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling frustrated.

    How does a person love someone and have no investment in the outcome? How NOT to care if the relationship goes on or not?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:28am

  257. 257: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jim.

    If you want friendships with lots of women and they are ok with that, I really don’t see anything wrong with that. So long as everyone is honest about it.
    That appears to be what you want on the surface.
    And is obviously what you want at the moment.

    I feel pain and anger from your posts.

    Do you think this is what you want long term?
    Or do you want to marriage eventually?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:54am

  258. 258: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Quick update…having a date with CDBig today…should be interesting…
    No news from MrP, hehe, I expected. Normally when we email he answers within minutes but the speech about wanting concrete plans for dates and being picked up and so has thrown him….’is that the girl I know?’ I can almost feel it…
    If no news from him by today 5pm, I consider Wednesday evenings potential date as cancelled and plan something else.
    I love my boundaries… :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:53am

  259. 259: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((Smile)))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:55am

  260. 260: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Jim, your post – the first one – jumped at me, it feels sad to me but if the women and you – everybody is on the same page and happy, why not.
    I feel sad and triggered to think people have given up on finding their one and think about financial stuff more than having a special person….but I do get it a little.
    Talking with English CD, he told me that he is fed up of women seeing him as a ‘walking wallet’ and he told me some stories that left my mouth wide open.

    I do feel good when a man wants to pay with me, but I don’t expect it and I know it goes against Rori’s stuff but unless I am just having drinks, I do at least offer to contribute. Mostly though, they want to pay. I don’t offer when it is my boyfriend and he said ‘please don’t worry, I never want you to touch your wallet when you are with me’ (which is what he said).
    MrP also does not take money from me so I never offer now.
    I must say, it does make me feel more romantic when a man takes the check – but from someone I just met I do not expect it.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:16am

  261. 261: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Hello

    I have read back
    SO much happening for everyone

    Tam, glad you are in FL and CD-ing

    BW-good for you for deciding what you want
    Lilibee–it feels amazing to read of your journey over the last few days

    Hm, Im now feeling anxious as I left so mny of you out!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:23am

  262. 262: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ruth!!
    Missed you!!
    How is everything??

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:25am

  263. 263: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe..I feel so curious and mischievous as to my speech and the response I am likely to get..I feel amused already that I didn’t get one yet…
    Being stubborn and uncommittal, I guess he will just try once more with a tentative confusing plan and when he sees that I don’t go for it (anymore), he might learn or he will drop me.
    And either would be fine….I have upped my degree of difficulty, and if it is too much bother then he ain’t worth it and I shall unceremoniously drop him out of my CD selection :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:30am

  264. 264: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    wow
    Now read back on this blog too
    Some interesting discussion on lovers vs fwb
    Starla, you do sound in control of it all and I expcect you will have some interesting experiences.You mentioned on a previous blog about having some *hangups* re S’x-so maybe this is how you are going to heal those, I dunno

    FWB would feel okay if I was getting lots of benefits!(ie, and not wanting any more than I was getting)
    I prefer the term “lover” though

    Makes me feel more cherished and special

    Hello April Rose-I hope your anxiety passes soon
    You dont heve to be perfect

    waving to Smile and Sassy and FW and Miss stix(happy Birthday)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:43am

  265. 265: AmazingNo Gravatar says:

    i opened my heart to a man,the most interesting i met so far,i invited him- and walked away.It feels good!I did all I could, that always feels good!I just felt I had to do it,no matter what his answers,his answers were even better than i had expected and ge showed me all respect.Not enough though to stay and try harder,that would have felt totally wrong.So i invited him to see me whenever he wants in the future,and then i walked away.I am strong now.And whenever I think of him or feel his presence,it feels very good.I really like him and i really feel walking away was the right thing to do!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:43am

  266. 266: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Ive been busy running Tam!

    I feel tired but ok

    Sounds like the dating is going well

    (BTW, you have to get out of that place where the bloke naps on your bed in the day, ewwwwwww)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:44am

  267. 267: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth..the choice is this or MrP’s Condo….I have not made up my mind yet for obvious reasons…and not quite the damsel in distress yet, but I might be in a few days….

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:51am

  268. 268: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Tam, I know but ewwwww some bloke napping on your bed

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:55am

  269. 269: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – Rori says to start with the profile you initially write, then translate every sentence into feeling messages :) Mine is all feeling messages

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:56am

  270. 270: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I know!!! Eeewwwww…however, he hasn’t done it just yet, so far he has only ‘threatened’…and he threatened a few more strange things, like he has to make confidential calls and I will be turfed out for a few hours, that isn’t so bad except I am working on my computer also…I don’t even care about his confidential calls..I could just go into another room.
    Jeepers, is he with the CIA or what ;)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:56am

  271. 271: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and don’t wants. not in terms of men though, in terms of expression style

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:57am

  272. 272: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    also I feel a lil lost but I vaguely remember she said one profile with how we FEEL with ourselves in our life and

    a second paragraph with how we want to feel with a man

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:01am

  273. 273: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, that situ feels baaaaaad to me

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:02am

  274. 274: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so frustrated waking up sad

    ugh :(

    i feel so lonely in a weird way

    my dreams are so vivid and when they arent ending in great ways i feel thrown off most of the day unless i have an eventful day with people connections

    tonite i dreamt i was sleeping at a CD’s house, and then we were gonna go to a party w him and his fam last minute

    so then his female friend showed up – as she had earlier and gave me a bottle of tequila that i actually wanted a drink from

    and he’s like, yeah , actually i feel better going with u cuz they know u and i dno abt – indicating toward me

    i overheard and declared i was leaving and did, fake smiling and pist

    then as i was leaving i had to go over a road that was HUGE waves, so much that at the top i was crawling on hands and knees to go up

    other people were used to it and could just walk but i felt scared

    and hten when i got to the top of the hump, there were more waves in front!

    so i just slid back i didnt want to go forward.

    i had gotten a not good feeling about it on my way up anyway

    and then i was thinking aobut calling a cab and wondering if i had enuf money for that

    and thats when i woke up

    and i feel sad again

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:06am

  275. 275: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Its funny how a dream can colour your whole day

    (((((((((((Daria)))))))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:07am

  276. 276: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I know Ruth but it’s hilarious as I have a habit of endin up in the fire after the frying pan….but I have options. And I know at least that if I was in MrP’s Condo nobody would bother me at all. If I want company, I can have it but otherwise it is totally self-contained.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:11am

  277. 277: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ive been trippin

    i keep putting off what would feel good to me until i get to the US

    no wonder im feeling all depressed all the time

    its important for me to feel good NOW

    i can take myself out to see things

    i can go to the other city during the week, not just weekends, without my mom even, and get a chance to see my cousins

    that feels scary and tight in my heart

    i love the fear and tightness in my heart

    but no more ‘WAITING”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:14am

  278. 278: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Ruth :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:14am

  279. 279: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    well you can lock the door at the condo cant you

    Just sayin—–

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:14am

  280. 280: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Men run away from women who try to take care of them—and run towards women that allow them to serve.” – Mama Gena

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:15am

  281. 281: TamNo Gravatar says:

    279, yep….but I don’t even need to…nobody *dares* to disturb me..hehehe. :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:18am

  282. 282: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am learning to love the mess….

    emotions can feel messy.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:25am

  283. 283: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Ruth,

    Nice to see you!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:25am

  284. 284: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am on my way out, to have a date with a man 19 years younger than me.
    He seems very keen!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:26am

  285. 285: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Will tell you later how it went.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:26am

  286. 286: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mouth open!

    ive bwen putting me on WAIT

    omgosh

    im so sorry babe

    im def going to do soemthing fun right now, even if it has nothing yet to do with getting out the house

    gonna find a fun show for u to watch

    ohhh poor baby!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:27am

  287. 287: TamNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – yay!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:36am

  288. 288: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so happy to get this! also the tapping last nite released a lot of my lurching and horrible feelings that kept me obsessively thinking of my godson’s mom whew so now i have more eye for my own life

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:41am

  289. 289: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feele so happy! i found y happy again no more waiting wilting listlessly away ohhh pooor daria

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:44am

  290. 290: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens!

    I feel and happy and smiley. M and I had a very nice weekend away. Even though it rained the whole weekend, we did a small hike and the air felt so misty and earthy. We did a lot of snuggling. And, he confided a big secret to me he hadn’t told anyone and that had been bothering him all week. He is being extra attentive and caring… and… wow… Talking about future plans ‘if we had a place in this area’… ‘it would be a good investment to buy a place here and since you work from home you wouldn’t be in a rush to get back across the border on Sunday’ and so on. As well as making another weekend away plans for when we don’t have the kids next.

    I know this does not solve the kiddie situation, and therefore a future together, however I feel hopeful that we are moving in the right direction and that he will come up with a solution to ‘fix’ this like a good man.

    I feel wrapped in a warm cocoon with him, all melty and warm and sweet scented. I also feel safe and solid and just know he will somehow find a way to make this slide with the kiddies.

    Also, I am super excited to be going out to meet a Siren tonight!!! M asked this morning, very ‘subtely’, ‘so who are you going out with tonight’ and then ‘where do you know her from’… hum… I believe he is somehow worried. Then he said ‘well, even if it was a boy, I can’t say anything’.

    I feel full of hope we will be back together with the kids soon.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:56am

  291. 291: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ooops, I just saw that sentence:

    ‘And you have SO much more power in your invitation (and in your walking away) than you think you have!’

    Loving that. I invite and if I don’t get offered what I need then I walk. Power.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:59am

  292. 292: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    OMG April Rose

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:02am

  293. 293: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    babysteps everyone is different so you have to keep trying till you find some sort of balance. It is not always easy. Even with kids we have to love them, relate to them without being invested in an outcome for their lives. Wanting good and speaking to people’s potential is worthwhile in my opinion. The problem many of us face is that we project our desires and keep repeating and pushing our agenda to the point where others feel resentful and obligated. Everyone wants to know that they can live a life that they feel happy with and that they can make their own choices. For me when I pull back and look it kinda feels disrespectful when I am dealing with people who seem to be pushing their agenda on me.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:12am

  294. 294: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Heya Ruth. Good to see you back.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:12am

  295. 295: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohh im still getting huge thoughts of WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING!!! DELAYING MY FUN LIKE THAT!!!!!

    aahhhhhhh

    i feel teary with joy

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((Daria))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:18am

  296. 296: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SO – what IS “normal”?

    And does it really matter anyway?

    Jamie’s mother taught her that she can’t have a good man all to herself. So she’s attracted to and attracts men who aren’t interested in long-term commitment.

    This – for Jamie (and for lots of us women, too) – is NORMAL.

    So let’s start with Jamie’s “Normal.” Let’s say her self-esteem and belief in herself, and her belief that she deserves a great, committed, lifelong marriage are really, really low. They hardly score on the scale, they’re hanging around the bottom rungs of the ladder, they seem lost forever.

    And the end result she wants – a “normal” that looks like Happy Ever After, seems like a rocket ship launch away from her – it seems impossible.

    So – what’s the way to start moving up the ladder, weighing in on the scale, finding her man and getting a NEW “Normal”? (There’s a whole section in my Reconnect Your Relationship program around getting a new Normal – you can read more about it and listen to some of it here.)

    It’s step-by-step. The only way is to put one foot in front of the other, one moment and one Rori Raye Tool at a time. The amazing thing is – a few moments, and things change. They really do.

    Here’s a Tool for Jamie – “He’s Not The Only One”:

    1. Imagine yourself in a room full of wonderful food, decorations, great music, and hundreds of beautiful men.

    2. Imagine your inconsistent man is there.

    3. He’s looking at you, and the expression on his face is distant and cold.

    4. Now Imagine that all the hundreds of beautiful faces of the beautiful men in the room who AREN’T your current, inconsistent man are turned to YOU, and that the expressions on all their faces is of desire for you, and a desire to MAKE YOU HAPPY, whatever it takes.

    How does that feel?

    Most likely, it feels…scary. When we get used to taking crumbs, our systems go on overload if we even IMAGINE having a glorious, full-out, total, committed relationship.

    So start with this step of imagining, and we’ll take it from there…

    Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:18am

  297. 297: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Oh… and reading some posts here and what Jim brought up about ‘paying’ I feel a vague ‘yuck’. I never pay for anything.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:19am

  298. 298: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks tereana! :) Jeez…A massage would have been a good thing to ask for and I did not even think of it!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:19am

  299. 299: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh no!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:20am

  300. 300: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You’re so afraid that the other shoe is going to drop that you live your life in a state of constant anxiety – working yourself up about whether he’s going to call you, or whether he’s going to text you, or whether he’s going to be attracted to you, or whether he’s wants to commit to you, or—

    STOP!

    Driving yourself crazy is tiring.

    There’s no worse thing you can do to yourself – all because you tend to think of the worst-case scenario and work your way backwards.

    From now on, how about you assume that everything is GREAT?

    He likes you. He’s attracted to you. He wants to see you again. He’s going to call. He’s looking for true love. No doubt about it.

    If, for some reason, this proves not to be true, who cares? You just move onto the next guy.

    But to put yourself through this amount of worry when a guy really DOES like you?

    To agonize when you’re seeing a good guy who is doing the best he can?

    To watch your head spin when he’s a loyal boyfriend who is genuinely trying to figure out his future with you?

    Not only do you end up making yourself miserable, but you’ll end up making HIM miserable as well.

    Unfortunately, many women let these kinds of thoughts defeat them.

    The last promising guy on Match turned out to be a liar, so you give up on online dating.

    The last guy you slept with pulled away two weeks later, so you take a semi-permanent dating hiatus.

    The last boyfriend you had was selfish and verbally abusive, so you decide that all men are this way and view them thru a lens of fear and scorn.

    And where does that leave you?

    Jaded. Fearful. Negative. Bitter.

    Alone.

    EMK

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:23am

  301. 301: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Jim

    Be careful saying “i’m sorry for your feelings” around here ;)

    I, too, find my feelings are very deeply tied to my thoughts. I also call my physiological reactions to events, words, people etc. feelings. Emotions don’t have a monopoly on feelings in my world…

    And thank you again for a male perspective on feelings. It’s really priceless.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:27am

  302. 302: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    How To Use Curiosity & Self Interest
    To Your Advantage
    ***********************************

    Two of the most powerful forces in the human mind are

    *Curiosity &
    *Self Interest

    And here’s the BIG SECRET!

    When you combine the two, you have a recipe that WILL work ‘magic’

    So…

    Let’s look at what you can say that works nearly EVERY TIME.

    In a friendly tone:

    “Hi John. It’s Cindy. I wanted to let you know I appreciate what you did for me. Call me because I want to thank you in person.”

    Do you see how that uses BOTH curiosity and self interest?

    John will NOT be able to resist! “What did I do?” “What does she appreciate?” he will be thinking. And he feels good because it is a positive message

    Lisa Harris

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:27am

  303. 303: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    BW,

    From previous post, (((ButterflyWings))). You are so strong, it is an inspiration. I may need the same courage soon, although right now I feel I am doing the right thing and I feel hopeful things are moving back to where they were.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:33am

  304. 304: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    BW,

    I REALLY admire your courage and strength. (((BW))) And I have a feeling TH is going to step up rather than risk loosing you.

    xx

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:35am

  305. 305: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    cocokisses I find this article an interesting read. Thought I’d share it.

    “If you’re serious about Saving Your Marriage, then you need begin by dealing with two realities…
    First of all, the reality that you need to successfully deal with your existing problem. For example, how Eddie will handle Melanie’s separation from him.

    Second, the reality that there is a deeper issue here. Melanie left because there is a deep problem that needs to be uncovered and solved. Solve that, and you have a happy marriage. (More on that later in a second)

    Back to the first reality…

    When it comes to saving their marriage this is where most people blow it…
    After many people find out that their spouse left, or stated that they do not love them anymore, many of us do four destructive things.

    These four things not only make matters worse, but many times push the other spouse even farther away and closer to the divorce.

    Here are the four things that Eddie fortunately avoided doing after Melanie left:

    1) Begging Melanie to come home
    2) Telling her he’ll change
    3) Calling her frequently
    4) Making her feel guilty for tearing up the family

    It was important for Eddie to resist the temptation to fall into these and many other common defenses after Melanie left.

    If he wanted to save his marriage he knew he needed to avoid making the situation even worse. What he needed to do was to validate her feelings and be very careful about pushing her any further away.

    Here’s the problem with these four almost too common mistakes…

    Common Mistake Number One…
    First of all, if Melanie wanted to come home she would not have left in the first place.

    Asking her to come home would only invalidate her. It would tell her that she does not have the right to be honest about her unhappiness and do something about it.

    It would tell her that she is not okay.

    Instead here is what Eddie told her when they talked two days later. (He gave her 48 hours to be alone – again very important)

    ‘I understand why you left. You have been asking for a change for 11 years and I have not given it to you. I am sorry. You have every right to be unhappy and I understand why you went to your mothers.’

    He confirmed that he did not want a divorce, and he understood that very serious changes were needed and he did not blame her for leaving.

    That’s all he said to her.

    Instead of breaking down, he asked to talk to the children. He reaffirmed to his two children that everything would be fine and that he loved them very much and he would come down on the weekend and take them to the park.

    Never did he blame their mother and never did he stop being a father.

    Common Mistake Number Two…
    Second, telling someone you will change after 11 years feels fake. They know you are desperate. And desperation is unappealing. Melanie wants a strong man.

    A man who is confident, aware of his needs and her needs.

    So, Eddie never made the claim that he ‘will change’ or ‘is changing’. Instead he decided that the best thing he could do is move forward and implement the tools he learned in my step-by-step marriage saving system.

    How did it work?

    Read an excerpt from Melanie’s letter.

    ‘…It was very strange to me. I saw something in Eddie that I had never observed before, a confident humility. The result of it was a softer more compassionate person both towards himself and his family. At first I was a little skeptical. However, after 9 weeks I started to accept this change. The way he approached me and the children was different. For the first time…’ (More from this letter later)

    Common Mistake Number Three…
    The third thing Eddie avoided was calling Melanie frequently.

    He knew that she was controlling the situation right now. He could either fight it or submit to it. So he made a decision to call every night to talk with the children (again, still taking his role as a father very seriously) and only talked with Melanie if she wanted to talk.

    If she initiated the conversation he engaged. If she wanted to argue, he would let her vent her frustrations without attacking her.

    He learned how to open her up, getting her to talk by asking open ended questions. A new skill he learned in Saving Your Marriage Made Remarkably Simple System.

    This was something that he never learned how to do; his father and all the other men in his family were very withdrawn. Very few of them were good at communicating or expressing themselves. Or worse, none of them ever did a good job at helping anyone else feel comfortable or vulnerable.

    His entire life he thought that this was normal, but after going through my Marriage Saving System, he learned it was anything but not normal, it was a terrible dysfunction.

    A dysfunction he fixed. (More on that in a minute.)

    Common Mistake Number Four…
    The fourth issue he decided to avoid was to make Melanie feel guilty for tearing up the family.

    Melanie was not perfect. He knew that, and she acknowledged the fact. However, Eddie decided to take responsibility for his own problems. By living in that reality he became compassionate towards Melanie and never used the children to make her feel guilty.

    By avoiding these four destructive habits, Eddie made it a lot easier for Melanie to see the changes in his life.

    “Why?

    Because doing any one of the four things I mentioned usually makes the other person defensive and that is the last thing you want to do. He avoided stirring up negative emotions.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:39am

  306. 306: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am thinking of fitting another CD into my life…it may get complicated time-wise, but if MrP steps down I have two that seem very nice waiting in the wings, they have been bugging me for dates but I can’t fit anyone else in right now.
    ;)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:41am

  307. 307: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sounds exciting Tam. I found a FM that I think Daria had shared some time ago Here it is:-

    I want to feel special and romanced and pursued and I don’t feel that way when it seems I am just one of the crowd. What do you think?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:55am

  308. 308: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    290:

    Hi Siren Angel! :)

    I’m glad you had a great weekend.
    I miss those types of romantic weekends.

    @”Also, I am super excited to be going out to meet a Siren tonight!!!”

    Me too Me too!!! :)

    Did you get my message?
    Does it work for you?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:01am

  309. 309: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    300:

    Yyyyaaaa…that’s totally me, ending up attracting more of what I try desperately to avoid.

    I got myself outta that exhausting roller coaster ride.
    Felt like I was holding on for dear life.

    Reminds me of the girl who chose a relationship with a player in the movie ‘Crazy, Stupid, Love’.
    She knew he was a player and turned him down when he was playing the game.
    He fell in love with her, the only woman to turn him down.
    He could not play the game with her.

    I felt so inspired by that movie.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:10am

  310. 310: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for showering!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:16am

  311. 311: TamNo Gravatar says:

    307..oooh FW, that is a copy and paste jobbly..I love it, thanks to you and Daria..

    Now I have a predicament. One of my CD’s, the German guy who lives away from here, has asked me if he can come for a whole weekend, Friday to Monday – he will stay in a hotel but he wants to see me. I feel shivers down my back. The thought of spending a whole weekend with a guy I am not at all keen on, and with baby and baby mama drama, just seems like such a huge waste of my time…
    what shall I do/Say? I don’t want to hurt the guy, and would love to have a dinner with him but he cn’t just take a 6 hour roundtrip for an evening…and also, the fact that he is long distance also doesn’t sit well with me.
    How do I get out of this?? Hrmpf.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:18am

  312. 312: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    302: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    How To Use Curiosity & Self Interest
    To Your Advantage
    ***********************************

    “Two of the most powerful forces in the human mind are

    *Curiosity &
    *Self Interest

    And here’s the BIG SECRET!

    When you combine the two, you have a recipe that WILL work ‘magic’

    So…

    Let’s look at what you can say that works nearly EVERY TIME.

    In a friendly tone:

    “Hi John. It’s Cindy. I wanted to let you know I appreciate what you did for me. Call me because I want to thank you in person.”

    Do you see how that uses BOTH curiosity and self interest?

    John will NOT be able to resist! “What did I do?” “What does she appreciate?” he will be thinking. And he feels good because it is a positive message

    Lisa Harris”

    I feel confused about this advice.
    If I did this I would have an agenda.
    I would be leaning forward and chasing.
    Isn’t this the total opposite of what Rori advocates?
    Or am I missing something?
    She is initiating by doing this and leaning forward.
    Masculine energy being the leader.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:21am

  313. 313: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Annie thanking someone for something they did for you sounds like giving back to me.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:30am

  314. 314: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam did he say why he was coming? Are you sure he doesn’t want to do some me time with himself relaxing or sightseeing? Also did you share that you have reservations about LDRs?

    Why is he asking your premission to come?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:32am

  315. 315: TamNo Gravatar says:

    314..he is asking when would suit me, FW, because he wants to spend from Friday eve until Sunday eve with me doing stuff….and it’s too much for me actually. It doesn’t feel good, because of all the reasons I have mentioned. No, I have not said anything about the long distance but he once said ‘oh, you can move here’. Of course he can’t move as he has a young son. There is no way I’d consider moving or even move to where he is, my life is here…even if i REALLY liked him that would be far fetched and as it is, the hairs on my back are standing up. I feel cornered.
    Not good.
    I sdon’t know how to bring that across…yes, a bot of sightseeing and a dinner would feel good but almost 3 days feels very scary and not what I want at all.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:37am

  316. 316: TamNo Gravatar says:

    he is asking ‘permission’ to come because he wants me to be free on all those days, just for him. Yikes.
    We had a really nice two dates in Germany, but I did not even feel like repeating them and when they were finished I was happy.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:38am

  317. 317: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a little bit pushed as I am a private person fundamentally, and like my own space and being able to retreat. I feel cornered with his request. It would be different if we saw maybe Saturday and he left again Sunday morning or so, less pressure.
    I guess it feels good when I am with people who respect my privacy and let me be free to actually say what feels good, rather than assume that I want to spend a whole weekend with them. He wasn’t asking if I was happy with that, he was simply asking which weekend suits me best..eek.
    It is perhaps the reason why I feel comfy with MrP, because he knows how I tick (as he ticks the same), he respects my personal space as it is perhaps larger than most people’s. It is a little the fear of intimacy, I guess.
    I wouldn’t be too excited with anyone I hardly knew, spend a whole weekend with them, but with a guy that I am not into at all, seems like a weekend prison sentence..eek.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:47am

  318. 318: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel in agreement, it sounds like giving back to me too.

    I don’t get why someone wouldn’t thank someone in the moment and feel the need to initiate contact. Lean forward. Make something happen with an agenda so they would call back, trying to make something happen,
    That does not feel like giving back to me.
    And telling a man what to do. ” call me”
    That was the point I wanted to make.
    This to me feels off to what Rori is advocating.

    Can understand it may not feel that way to you though.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:49am

  319. 319: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Above for FW

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:49am

  320. 320: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    So thanking someone in the moment sounds like giving back to me too.

    But not by ringing them after the event, initiating and asking them to call me back.
    That feels very masculine to me.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:53am

  321. 321: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Still feel overwhelmed. 13 hours on match, most of them overnight: 14 winks, 3 emails. I don’t know how I feel about winks though. It’s like being poked on fb, feels impersonal .

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:58am

  322. 322: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    248 – “My body seemed to take insult. ”

    Oooh! Rich wording!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:24am

  323. 323: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam how about being honest and letting him know 3 days feel overwhelming? You just got back and while you are sorting out your life you want to take things slowly and not feeling like jumping into any relationship with 2 feet? You want to spend time with yourself feeling settled?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:29am

  324. 324: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jimmy,

    251 – “Don’t buy it unless your willing to pay for it with your life, because that’s exactly what your doing, both man and woman. Live with that, accept that, both sexes, that there’s no leaving option on the table,ever, accept that. Then you will find 2 people that live happily ever after.”

    I love this! I totally agree! Who we give our lives to has the power to completely destroy our lives…so choose carefully.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:29am

  325. 325: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jimmy,

    252 – “What’s the trick? Make good memories, works for me.”

    You just added to one of my purposes in life!

    Treasure pleasure! But it isn’t pleasure for the sake of pleasure. It is doing things that you can bet will create a happy, positive effect, rather than choosing a negative, unhappy path.

    Hmmm, how can I create a good memory today?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:32am

  326. 326: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    254 – SOOOOO happy for you!!!! This must feel like paradise after all the time that’s passed since you longed for him!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:34am

  327. 327: TamNo Gravatar says:

    323..yes, thank you FW, that would feel good.
    I do feel a little sheepish though, as he is a nice person and I would hate to offend him.
    I guess still having trouble speaking authentically, fear of intimacy and so on.
    You know, a year ago or so, I would have just said ‘ok, I am free on such weekend’ – and then I would have fretted all the time until that date and worried and been annoyed with myself for not telling the truth. I was a pushover and a doormat trying to please people. However, it just felt bad and never got me anywhere…I was too afraid to speak my mind, but I am an adult. So I would rather offend myself than risking offending others.
    I have worked hard on myself to try and be more authentic but it does not come easily, and here we have it again….I need to learn how to handle myself in these situations. Feels uncomfortable.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:34am

  328. 328: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    FW, #241: Thanks for the info. I inquired about her because I found a really great quote on CDing from her in my file of great CD quotes, and I realized I’ve not seen her in quite some time. :-)

    Healing Waterfall, too, is one I have good quotes from and don’t recall seeing in a while. And Jasmine; she was on here a lot over the summer, and I haven’t seen her back since I returned from a few weeks off.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:35am

  329. 329: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    BabySteps,

    256 – I haven’t figured that one out yet. But what Rori says is that the more we CD, the less we feel invested in every single man. Then it feels more and more comfortable to not know the future with each man, and eventually he steps up.

    And during the process, we grow more confident, more skilled in relating, etc.

    But I still feel like I am baby stepping.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:36am

  330. 330: JimNo Gravatar says:

    257: Annie,

    “If you want friendships with lots of women…”

    At the risk of “triggering” you, words have specific definition(s) Thats how we all know what another is talking about, going through and so on. Friendships are one thing, acquaintances are indeed another. Of course there are casual acquaintances and closer ones. Some acquaintances become solid friendships… mostly over time, sharing of some mutual event and or experience(s). People naturally bond to some degree, for some length of time during their involvement in some common experience.

    When I’ve recently met someone and they call me their friend… that gets my attention because they are doing many things, besides being mostly presumptuous and apparently thinking they’ve got a grip on our relationship. Time tells all… to use a cliche.

    Like I said before, in life a person really has to know what they are doing.

    Almost all women I’ve talked with agree that lovers come and go. Yet they will love their children for life. Am I making sense?

    One post I read earlier, the woman knows when her relationship is over when the man no longer smells good to her, she’s changed and eventually he gets her message. And of course she stated she’s been with many men… so she knows when it’s over. I presume what she looks for next, besides Mr. Next is the exit sign.

    So what’s it all about? Sex.
    One can prepare food in all kinds of ways, so many ways, so many dishes and yet it’s still food with it’s basic ingredients prepared in a myriad of dishes. So Annie, is it all really just that simple?

    “That appears to be what you want on the surface.
    And is obviously what you want at the moment.”
    Annie

    Looks like you’ve got me all figured out!! :-)

    My daughter calls me Sunday morning, I’m at work, I say my usual hello entertainment style and then say, “What’s up kiddo?” She replies, “I love you dad.” Upon telling her I love her too, she continues to elaborate with, “I just wanted to call you and tell you I love you.”

    NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!
    I do the same with her, and I can pretty much rest assured she’s never once had to worry wether she’s loved by her father. I know my place with her and my impact on her life… through out.

    Why people fail to take that responsibility with their “lovers” only serves as evidence why love fails on such a grand scale in our country. But then again… people do just exactly what they want to and they treat each other just exactly how they will.

    When I put myself out there for a woman, put the ball in their court, give them the power so to speak. it doesn’t take long to find out if I’ve given candy to a girl, a gold digger, security seeking agenda, or a mature woman who takes responsibility for what I’ve given with the gravity it merits.

    If I look good on paper to her, she generally looks better in my rear view mirror.

    Lets turn it around, if I don’t look good on paper to her, I generally look better in her rear view mirror. Right?

    Another one for you. “If her friends like you…” I’m just glad to know she thinks for herself.

    Everything aside, games, drama, our cultural idiosyncrasies. It all comes down to just one question everyone has to ask themselves, “Will I be there.” or “Am I still afraid to be there.”

    Then I look at Ms. Probable Future and ask myself the same about her.

    “I feel pain and anger from your posts.”
    Maybe your on to something Annie.

    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:37am

  331. 331: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Annie,

    257 – I spose I shouldn’t speak for Jim, but if you knew him and his history with women, you would know he is not trite or shallow a little bit. Yeah, I really would be breaching his trust to say too much. But he is capable of devotion and loyalty to a fault…way beyond that of the average man.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:38am

  332. 332: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Or Tam or just tell him you feel pressured considering 3 days.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:39am

  333. 333: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – 229 – You ended up handling the FB thing beautifully, and even if what you told him was not advice per se, it was in that he took it as such, so you in essence helped him by taking care of you.

    Hmmm, yes I understand about your car accident. I had a similar situation with K where I didn’t have any serious outward injury though a bruised sternum is/was painful, and he was kind of like your man was, not dismissive as what your man seemed to have been, but also not, “oh you poor thing let me hold you until you feel better,” which is what we were both looking for.

    Men tend to process this kind of thing differently just like you wrote. No one is hurt badly, so no big deal. But to us it feels very scary and so big deal.

    They also tend not to fuss and hover as most any woman would. This is exactly the kind of behavior we as women DON’T want to be displaying when our man is sick or injured. Remember?

    So they tend to behave as they would want to be treated.

    If the man is worth it, you show him what you need and want, and he will get it over time if he’s the man for you. eg. “I feel really scared and shaky. I felt my life flashing before my eyes. A hug would feel so soothing right now. ”

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:39am

  334. 334: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove:
    ‘But what Rori says is that the more we CD, the less we feel invested in every single man. Then it feels more and more comfortable to not know the future with each man, and eventually he steps up.’

    I am starting to get that now. However, I actually miss feeling invested into a man because life seemed more exciting then. Right now my love life feels a little boring even though I am dating – it’s like a little job…no more and no less. Pleasurable but not exactly exciting. Perhaps I was addicted to the drama of being invested in a man who wasn’t stepping up.
    Scary thought.
    Maybe I liked the adrenaline rush and the longing. Very very scary thoughts….

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:39am

  335. 335: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Healing Waterfall I believed had changed her name but she has not been posting for a while. I believe her son was not well.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:41am

  336. 336: TamNo Gravatar says:

    332, FW thank you, hmm, it will be a mixture of all of the above :) thanks for the suggestions :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:45am

  337. 337: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee,

    Yes got the message sent you message by FB last night.

    Yeah!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:45am

  338. 338: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Annie

    I’m leaning towards the same thoughts…

    I would feel highly un-comfortable doing this too…

    “…Call me i’d like to thank you in person…”

    hmmm and I see the agenda too. And I also see no need for a message like this if I am being actively persued. When we are receiving active persuit there will be enough contact and offers being given that thoughts of playing on curiosity and self interest (of the man) should not enter our minds. The only time I may have an urge to say something like this is if I didn’t feel fully confident the guy would contact on his own and in that scenario i’d be in full on “lean back and take care of me” mode. Simply feeling those urges and actively NOT acting on them. The last thing I would want to do is format a msg with the intent of getting a man to see me in person. Either he hits me up and asks me or nadda.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:50am

  339. 339: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    If I look good on paper to her, she generally looks better in my rear view mirror.

    Lets turn it around, if I don’t look good on paper to her, I generally look better in her rear view mirror. Right?

    Really profound and thought provoking statements Jim. Life and experience teaches us some lessons. You are different (sounds very logicsal) your experiences are different, I respect them because you are the only one who has walked in your shoes.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:50am

  340. 340: JimNo Gravatar says:

    325, Radlove,

    “Hmmm, how can I create a good memory today?”

    bygollygeewillikers… that’s it! :-)

    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:55am

  341. 341: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    280 – “Men run away from women who try to take care of them—and run towards women that allow them to serve.” – Mama Gena

    If I find the opposite to be true, and a man desires to be treated like a prince, do I run?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:57am

  342. 342: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    284 – Nineteen years younger? You go, Cougar Woman! More power to ya!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:57am

  343. 343: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    A number of the men from Craigslist who have contacted me have said they’re just looking to be friends first and to see if anything develops.

    How have you responded to that?

    I want to say something like, “Oh, I’m not looking to make friends with men right now; I want to feel romantic when I spend time with a man,” but I have said in my profile that I feel good meeting new people until the right man for a lifelong commitment finds me. I feel uncertain; the FM I’d like to send back looks inconsistent to me.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:58am

  344. 344: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    290 – Yay, glad it’s going so well! Do you mean you are meeting a Siren from the blog?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:59am

  345. 345: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy, you are too sweet… I feel so special that you worry about me like a mama. I would love to have that in my life allll the time, hehehe.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:00am

  346. 346: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    291 – That stood out to me as powerful, too. My ever nagging question is how, oh HOW, do I walk? Just can’t seem to find the strength…

    If only one of my CDs would step up and be more than R is to me…then it would feel easy to walk away.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:01am

  347. 347: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, thank you for the advice about my profile.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:02am

  348. 348: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion maybe “what does friend look like to you. What do you see friends doing?”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:03am

  349. 349: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    301 – Yes, Jim’s perspective on feelings and on many things in life really is priceless…he has been a personal friend of mine for close to two years, and I feel very safe with him. He’s a good man.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:06am

  350. 350: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    The urge to contact CF and get that man “back” has returned.

    Aint that some sh*t.

    Just sharing

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:09am

  351. 351: TamNo Gravatar says:

    346..hmm, about the ‘walk’ question Radlove, I feel weird, because for me a flick just switched. I have no idea what it was, all I know was that as soon as I started loving me, I just did not understand anymore why a man wouldn’t want to treat me like a princess. In fact, I now feel very frowny when I am being treated in any way that feels less than what I deserve – and I am not a ‘high maintenance’ woman, I just want to be respected and appreciated.
    That is all.
    I feel turned off at men who don’t get that. I also feel turned off at men who think I would jump at every chance to run after them and drop all my other plans to be with them last minute – this includes MrP.
    The silence from him right now is deafening because he must have suddenly realised that the game has changed. And that I have changed. And he now knows that I put myself before any man.
    And it remains to be seen if he can handle it.
    The other CD’s seem to, so if he can’t come to the party I have no problem of walking away at all.
    I feel like a totally different person and I have never felt so good about myself and believe it was the fact that I come out of a major crisis and breakup and big confusion and just pulled out of it by my own strength and love for myself.
    I can walk now. No hesitation.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:09am

  352. 352: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    305 – That’s an excellent article…who is the author?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:10am

  353. 353: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove and Jim,

    Yes, ‘what great memory can I create today’ is how I want to live my life. It feels so inviting and warm to create memories for myself and my relationships. I feel so drawn to people that I have beautiful memories with.

    I feel smiley thinking about what memories I will carry away from today.

    Thanks for the reminder.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:12am

  354. 354: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel sad
    i never knew what it was like to love someone enough not to care about money or stupid things like that, and to just want to be in love and be together no matter what obstacles, until he was gone, and i realized that was how i felt.

    but now i know that kind of love exists.

    i feel sad and kind of peaceful

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:15am

  355. 355: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    P-Lala great to see you.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:15am

  356. 356: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    315 – I think your intuition and feelings are giving you the answer. If I were in your situation and feeling what you feel, I would say, “I feel really flattered that you would come all that way to see me. I don’t want to make you feel bad, but I’m sorry, it just isn’t there for me.”

    Then I’d let the chips fall where they may. It is highly unlikely he would want to come 6 hours just for one dinner out.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:17am

  357. 357: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Starla)))) – it will all work out.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:18am

  358. 358: TamNo Gravatar says:

    356, thanks Radlove for that suggestion….I am going to read through it all again, and what FW said and make up my own version – very very helpful!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:20am

  359. 359: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    all I know was that as soon as I started loving me, I just did not understand anymore why a man wouldn’t want to treat me like a princess.

    Yaayyy Tam

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:22am

  360. 360: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    337:

    Oh Yey SA! :)

    I didn’t go in my emails or FB last night, and I don’t have access from work as our IT dept blocked it.

    I’ll take this as confirmation, I’ll be there.
    You can text me or call my on my cell.
    I can try to text back, but it’s a struggle with my new touchscreen phone.

    I feel so siked! :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:24am

  361. 361: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh my broken heart.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:24am

  362. 362: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, FW. I’ve been lurking…and noticing that I feel kind of guilty that things with K are going so well. So, I haven’t been sharing so much. I wonder why I feel bad that I feel happy. It’s all part of my story.

    I feel so drawn here, though, that I just lurk and send prayers and positive energy to you all. :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:25am

  363. 363: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Jim

    This really caught my attention:

    “When I put myself out there for a woman, put the ball in their court, give them the power so to speak. it doesn’t take long to find out if I’ve given candy to a girl, a gold digger, security seeking agenda, or a mature woman who takes responsibility for what I’ve given with the gravity it merits.”

    I feel really curious about this. I don’t have specific questions…But any elaboration would be greatly appreciated.

    I think…I want to simply be that mature woman who just instinctively knows how to receive and reciprocate love in a deeply emotional way and also in a secure way. Minus agenda. But…I feel dishonest even saying that because I think I do have an agenda to an extent. I feel a deep longing to know if my partner is on the same page.

    This shows me I have not fully let go of all of the insecurities I own. I know logically my partners behavior should be all I need to fully understand where he’s at. I still have all kinds of negative voices and doubt feelings. A voice in the back of my mind reminding me that a man could propose marriage only to abandon the relationship emotionally and sexually if not physically. And in record time. It happens all the time. The unsquashable negative voice…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:27am

  364. 364: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    334 – Yikes, I relate all too closely to what you said. Yes, scary thoughts. I feel like CDing is a little job, too. The only difference for me is that it is a job that I virtually detest!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:27am

  365. 365: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    P-lala,

    It feels so good to see again! :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:27am

  366. 366: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – I don’t know do you? Lol

    I find those men fascinating when they seem to have more self esteem than me. I’ve been the hanger on woman many times and I it’s about wanting what they have, by ‘having them.’

    They don’t treat me well or chase me when I do that. I used to hope to be married to a man like that, beautiful amazing, growing up. I feel glad I didn’t now. Sigh. :)

    It’s a babystep process, but I’m getting more of that power for myself. Finding the qualities in me feels even more fulfilling than finding them in the other person, though it seems unattainable at the time.

    I’m still healing from this with all the wanting to be included by ‘fly people’ thing. Cuz I don’t find myself fly enough sometimes. Or a great dresser sometimes – so I feel attraction for men who are.

    Hmm :)

    I’m committed to me on this journey even when my tummy lurches. Or I feel weak like a puddle. Or I feel out focused tight and jumping out of my body to my head, disassociating.

    Hehe when I feel good too!

    A great gift to learn this lifetime.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:28am

  367. 367: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jim,

    340 – LOL! I love your way of expressing yourself ! You are such a character! I would love to meet you in person!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:29am

  368. 368: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion,

    343 – I would say, “I would feel really good about just being friends, too, before something develops. I feel good about taking my time to get to know someone.”

    That way, they don’t feel pressured, and they also know I am not just looking to hop into bed. Then, as I am out with a man, I would use feeling messages if I felt I was being treated like a friend. For example, if he wanted to split the bill, I would say, “That doesn’t feel romantic to me….”

    What do you think/feel?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:32am

  369. 369: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    P-lala you deserve to feel happy, you are so worth it. It would feel so good to be able to read your story.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:32am

  370. 370: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion and FW,

    348 – I like FWs suggestion!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:33am

  371. 371: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Healing Waterfall is her changed name, and her son is well, has been for a long time. Last I talked to her things were going really well for her, busy with her jobs, and her love life had taken a turn for the very positive.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:37am

  372. 372: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix – You can always get a massage any time. Doesn’t have to be your birthday! :-)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:37am

  373. 373: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yay i’m glad you’re happy p la la

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:37am

  374. 374: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    351 – Fantastic for you! That all sounds sooo healthy! I feel sad I am not there yet. I will feel so much more loving toward myself and confident when I weigh what I should weigh.

    And it feels like a Catch-22, because if I felt loved by R, the weight would fall off effortlessly, as it did when we were first dating in 2009, and I lost 35 lbs.

    I gained 60 lbs after it went sour in the summer of 2009, and I have only lost 5 of that since then. :-( It’s not about knowing how to eat right. It’s about the food mood connection.

    I don’t like it that my ability to lose weight feels connected with R. I don’t want that! So I keep reaching inside myself, trying to find how I can separate food from love. Because food is not love. Yet my heart doesn’t know that.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:38am

  375. 375: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm for me it sounds like this in my head…

    If “the end” of a relationship is going to happen it will happen.I can do my best to feel and be the best female partner I can be. Same goes for him. But if it’s not going to work out 5, 10, 15 years down the road…it simply won’t, and i’d rather not complicate it all with paperwork. I don’t feel goid being the center of focus in very large groups of people and a “proper” wedding, or the thought of one feels creepy crawly. I think…What feels good, hopeful, exciting for me is the idea of simply being a part of a romance. In the here and now. And we remain together simply because, day by day, we enjoy each other’s company. We feel love each day. We are just not the kind of people to act in drastic or deceitful ways. So day after day, year after year, it just works, and we are both forever happy, free, in love, sexually attracted, free of restraint. And if we part no one has to say “what a shame” or “I’m twice divorced” ;) Gawd that feels good to imagine!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:39am

  376. 376: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix: That’s exactly where I’m at with the whole marriage thing.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:42am

  377. 377: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Lilibee – I feel seen. :)

    FW, you are always so welcoming and kind to me. I feel such a deep respect and appreciation for you, your wisdom and your process of giving and growing and healing. I’m going to spend some time putting my story into words and will share in the next few days.

    K is out of town for 2 1/2 weeks and my son left, last week, for an indeterminate amount of time (probably months) following his dreams – more about that later…prayers and good thoughts for his success would be appreciated. So, things are quiet around here for a bit…that will give me some time to really sink into my feelings and write my story from an place of real authenticity. :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:42am

  378. 378: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, #368: I would feel mislead by someone saying they just want to be friends and then talking about being romantic with me.

    Like, a guy who has said he only wants to be my friend but then shows me romantic-type love and affection (pays for outings, initiates contact, etc) would feel SO confusing.

    I agree with the bit about getting to know someone slowly, but I want to do it in romantic contexts, not like two buddies.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:42am

  379. 379: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    363 – I have observed R in this area, and he is genius. He will not put out more than what a woman invests in a relationship. I want to give this some thought, and perhaps write down some observations of how he does it.

    He, like Jim, has been hurt before, investing in a woman more than what she invested in him. My quick response is that he works a lot with silence.

    He will say something, and he will just go silent, opening the way for my response. I always feel included by the way he does that, and never pressured. I always feel that we are moving at the pace of US, not of him, and not of me.

    He may irritate the he11 out of me by moving so slowly, but I really appreciate how sensitive he is to me and knowing my thoughts and feelings at every turn.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:43am

  380. 380: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Clear clear clear!

    I want my relationship to be a new devotion each day. I do not want it to be a leadup to one BIG devotion and then a “settling into” a lifetime.

    Day by day by day. And it is this way already with this man I love, and ohhhh maybe that’s why it keeps getting better.

    I have this very clear projection in front of me of a line. It goes up up up, in peaks and valleys, but always up.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:44am

  381. 381: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix – “a new devotion each day” this feels so enchanting and hopeful. “settling in” feels stale. I like “up up up!”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:47am

  382. 382: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    brandylion (343) – I definitely know what you mean about not wanting to be “friends.” I think being friends first is guy code for actually wanting more, but not wanting to feel that they “have” to commit right away. Even if they are only committing to “dating.” It’s a like a low-pressure way to get to know someone. It makes them feel safe (is my guess). And this being Craigslist, I’m happy to hear they are not just saying, “Hey, let’s get together and have sex!” Because they could. Offering friendship it quite nice. Because it means they don’t *only* want sex. I would say – try to resist making demands, because that gets in the way of letting the guy lead.

    I’m a little sketched about meeting people from Craigslist. I’ve heard too many awful stories. And I don’t like Craigslist. But if that’s a good way for you to meet men, then go for it! : )

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:49am

  383. 383: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Nothing from HS. It is pretty clear he took off somewhere after the big dust-up with Trailer Girl on Saturday night.

    Last night I was found myself at the Monday night Pro-Jam, a place where musical professionals can come sit in, and it’s free to get in.

    I know a couple of the guys in the house band through HS. In fact he often attended the jam, but never took me.

    The lead guitarist, Matt, is a great guy. During the break I sat with him outside in the warm evening. I said I was there alone, that I was on the outs with HS.

    He said “i thought that was you guy’s thing–on and off again.

    I said “it’s his thing. I hate being bounced. I am steady as a rock emotionally. He isn’t. I’m thinking of moving out everything when he isn’t home and leaving the keys with a note.”

    He said–if you ever want to get anything that is a great idea!”

    So–there I have it, from a man and musician that actually know him.

    I told him my Mercedes was in the shop. He recalled a funky old Mercedes that HS sold for me. (in 2009). I said no–this one I just bought and it’s a plum!”
    But apparently HS has talked about me to these guys before I ever met them. And Matt has a good memory…

    The fact that he would leave to go somewhere for an extended time and not even TELL me means that my exit plan is the correct one. I feel angry and disappointed.

    I am thinking of what to say on the note.

    My friends Mike and Gail are coming down with a truck. HS is not home. The only thing is how much I can take in one load.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:51am

  384. 384: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    366 – I like what you wrote.

    I guess I was more thinking about R (as usual), and how one time he said, “I wish someone would treat ME like a princess”, in response to something I said about wanting to be treated like a princess.

    After that, I took great enjoyment in doing such stuff as giving him dinner in bed, giving him little gifts and cards just because….during my time with him before I started listening to Rori.

    Then over time, I realized that I myself rarely, if ever, got that kind of treatment. Maybe it was a phase he was going thru, because he seems far more attentive to me now. But I still feel concerned about the balance there. I feel like I am always on the border of operating in too much masculine energy around him.

    I feel blanketed when a man steps up and pays, cares for my well being, is attentive, etc. I have rarely experienced that. The CD who did it best was Nuke, last summer 2011, but I didn’t feel attracted to him. He treated me well, but that wasn’t enough. I longed for deep conversation, and common beliefs…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:51am

  385. 385: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Starla))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:53am

  386. 386: JimNo Gravatar says:

    354 Starla,

    What a wonderful, noble, humble place you are.

    If I were your ex and you said that to me. I couldn’t help but think… “WOW!!”… then I’d say, “You have the floor.”

    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:55am

  387. 387: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion,

    378 – Yeah, I hear you. Like I said, I think FWs response suggestion was better than mine. One thing I have said to CDs in the same situation is this:

    My ultimate desire is to be a wife. However, I am not in a rush for that, and I very much want to develop a friendship with a man before ever committing. So if all that ever develops is a few good times with a friend, that is fine. I really long for romance, tho.

    Something like that.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:56am

  388. 388: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    Sweetie, let him run into masculine energy everywhere… You once many months ago wrote me this… When he realizes how truly special and feminine energy you are, there is a good chance he will somehow gravitate back into your energy ‘vibration’ as you say. If not, by then, you will have healed some more and moved on.

    It’s a hard place to be to feel like this about someone and be away from the, but you are so courageous for taking your life in your own hands and taking steps forward every day. Be it as WarriorCd being a lover while you date other men. Why not? If you feel ok with it, and you keep moving in the right direction, that is all that matters.

    xx

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:56am

  389. 389: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    VMan IS there for me in a lot of good ways. He gave me a good movie suggestion the other night. And he also sent me a way to do something on my phone that I’ve wanted to do for a reeeeally long time.

    One thing I’ve figured out about him: He LOVES to help out, and offer me things I need. He will offer it without my asking. But he will dig in his heels till the ends of the earth if *I* am the one making the request.

    Hm….this sound kind of weird and “off” – like I want to be able to ask for something without being rejected. But it’s a very clear pattern. When I ask for something, I get rejected. However, he is very willing and forthcoming when it comes to offering from himself. This is interesting. Just an observation….

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:56am

  390. 390: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I am thinking of this for the note;

    Rob,
    I am breaking up with you.
    I have been in love with you for a long time, but now–I just don’t know…

    Please leave me alone.

    alles beste,
    aa

    and a separate page that says

    Book Project:
    “Please send me your paypal info.
    I will invoice you. Paid invoice = published book, as agreed.”

    I have but substantial effort into the book, we have a contract, and I need to get paid. But I wouldn’t put that part in the note.

    What do the sirens think of my wording?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:57am

  391. 391: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    371:

    Oh Dominique,

    This feels so good to read about Healing Waterfall.
    I miss her presence here.
    Thank You for the update.

    Would you have a minute to spare to send her word that we would really enjoy a good dose of inspiration from her sharing her successes?

    I always feel so uplifted reading sirens’ success stories :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:58am

  392. 392: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Tereana,

    382 – Craigslist well deserves its reputation. What keeps me gravitating to CL is that it is one of the few places on the internet where I have found real, local, flesh and blood men. The vast majority of dating sites I’ve been on, even paid ones, has had mostly scammers from other states and other countries.

    Oooh, I hate dating!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:59am

  393. 393: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla and Radlove,

    It is not about the money… it is about not giving too much and asking to be cared for, without actually saying it. There are things I will pay for myself, little gifts to myself when we are out shopping for example but sometimes he’ll step in and pay for it.

    In fact, it somehow feels unfair when he does because I make somewhat more money then he does. But to me it is more about giving him the chance to be the ‘provider’ when he wants to be.

    I don’t care about the money one bit. It’s about how it makes me feel when he does pay, taken care of, valued.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:00am

  394. 394: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you ladies
    thank you very much
    i feel super loved here

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:01am

  395. 395: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    389 – Sounds good to me.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:01am

  396. 396: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    LG 376

    It feels good knowing other women think this way too.

    I question if this is the “right” way sometimes…But it always ends up that it just feels good to me. It feels solid. Relaxed. The traditional way feels stressful.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:02am

  397. 397: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Scene: a mild autumn day in a small English market town. A young man looking smart in a blazer, clutching a bunch of flowers and looking lost…

    He sees me. Huge smile. And a hug. A warm hug that feels good.

    I point him in the direction of a nice coffee shop, and he takes the lead, opening doors and talking to the waitress.

    What strikes me most is his smile, and his direct way of saying how happy he is to meet me, and his delight that it’s so soon after our first online chat (yesterday). He said he found my photos and my written profile beautiful and just had to meet me.

    Wow. So refreshing after all the penpals who never ask for dates!

    We ordered soft drinks. I asked for sparkling water and he asked for orange squash, which made me remember his age and I giggled inwardly.

    He chatted a lot. And then apologised and asked me all about me, and it felt easy and light, and then he talked some more. He admitted to some nervous butterflies in his stomach.

    He said he was searching for depth, which he says he has not found in women his own age. He likes older women because “they know where they are”.

    I liked him a lot. Attraction could certainly build. He asked if I’d be interested in a short term relationship.
    This did not compute, because even if I wanted that, my experience is that men get too attached.

    I asked him if he wanted children. Not now, but maybe in the future, he said. Hmmmm.

    Maybe he would be good as a lover, but I wouldn’t want to get attached/invested.

    It will be nice to have a few more dates, but after that …..?

    Oh, he is lovely. Such open, direct, loveliness. Yum.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:03am

  398. 398: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion I feel in agreement with Tereana.

    Maybe even just saying thanks for the honesty about his intention and let him know that you feel good with the man leading so you can let them know what feels comfortable to you as you go along might be good enough.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:03am

  399. 399: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Tereana,

    I totally hear you about asking/not asking and differing results. It has to come from them when they feel so inclined. Absolutely agree. Be surprised.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:04am

  400. 400: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel happy that I have my other CDs. SYG is really sweet and I got to hang out with him and some of his friends last weekend. His friends were all really nice, and I had a great time with them. I even had a good time with them when SYG was in another room for a bit. SYG told me multiple times how awesome I am and really made me feel appreciated. That felt good :-)

    Cute Chicago Boy is talking about coming for a visit. I don’t see him as a real “prospect” for dating – especially with the distance. But he’s still an interesting person, and I feel curious.

    I think there are some other CDs. I don’t remember now….lol

    Funny, even though I basically insulted Vman yesterday, I still don’t think he is going to go away completely. And you know what else? I don’t care. Because he would be doing me a favor if he did. In fact, I kind of want to just move forward without him, and yet he IS sticking anyway. lol

    I feel slightly nervous about his response to my message. but also, I don’t care. I spoke the truth (my truth). If he doesn’t like it, too bad. He doesn’t have to. I don’t always like it when people speak truths to me that I don’t want to hear. But if I can own up to it and grasp that truth, I feel better. If he can do that, great. If not, then it’s not my problem…but he doesn’t get to make me feel bad for something that is HIS personal issue.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:06am

  401. 401: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #390
    The story behind this is in moderation. Don’t know why.
    Last night I was found myself at the Monday night Pro-Jam, a place where musical professionals can come sit in, and it’s free to get in.

    I know a couple of the guys in the house band through HS. In fact he often attended the jam, but never took me.

    The lead guitarist, Matt, is a great guy. During the break I sat with him outside in the warm evening. I said I was there alone, that I was on the outs with HS.

    He said “i thought that was you guy’s thing–on and off again.

    I said “it’s his thing. I hate being bounced. I am steady as a rock emotionally. He isn’t. I’m thinking of moving out everything when he isn’t home and leaving the keys with a note.”

    He said–if you ever want to get anything that is a great idea!”

    So–there I have it, from a man and musician that actually know him.

    I told him my Mercedes was in the shop. He recalled a funky old Mercedes that HS sold for me. (in 2009). I said no–this one I just bought and it’s a plum!”
    But apparently HS has talked about me to these guys before I ever met them. And Matt has a good memory…

    My friends are coming today with a truck to help me move the rest out.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:07am

  402. 402: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Well-the moderation Bot isn’t going to let me post…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:08am

  403. 403: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Circular Dating has brought up so much for me. I can feel overwhelmed by the emotions and fears.

    I sneaked onto the bus to another town to meet this young man.

    I was on the lookout for being ‘caught’ in the street by EM, or ‘caught’ with a bunch of flowers by WM.

    Even though I have said the phrase “keeping my options open” to both men, I feel illicit, like I’m committing some kind of crime by dating a variety of men.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:10am

  404. 404: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Ooh, April Rose – that sounds like Fun! :-)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:11am

  405. 405: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    What did you do with the flowers AR?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:12am

  406. 406: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    P-lala,

    I feel so excited and look forward to reading your success story!

    No matter how bad my own struggles may feel like for me, I always feel uplifted at reading another siren’s happy outcome :)

    It’s so inspiring to witness that being happy is very possible, and I always feel happy for happy sirens :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:13am

  407. 407: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    396 – Beautifully described! I feel so happy for you that it went so well! Moment by moment!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:13am

  408. 408: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I feel illicit – I sneaked onto the bus

    For me brought up thoughts of what message I am sending out to the Universe about what I am worthy of or want in my life. Maybe there are some underlying beliefs that need healing? Without a commitment that makes me feel good am I entitled to keep looking for/creating what I want?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:14am

  409. 409: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, don’t get me wrong, I do know how hard it is to get out of the pit. I have cried practically every day at home and when I am unhappy, I can’t look after myself very well and eat a lot of rubbish, feel even worse, put on weight….
    and yes, when I am in love I look and feel healthy and it is soo much easier to eat well etc.
    I am sure there will be bad days again for me too, that is just life but I am milking this phase :)
    And a lot is still unordered in my life, but right now I just don’t seem to care so much about that.
    I feel good and I trust that we will all get there sooner or later, and I am very happy that my feeling good has nothing to do with a man, else I’d be scared to lose it/him again.
    I hope that I will never again be in that place. ‘In love’, yes but not ‘in need’.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:17am

  410. 410: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Loving the CDing talk going on here. We have so many beautiful perspectives…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:18am

  411. 411: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,
    I’m always here. I know it’s not the same as if we were right down the street from each other, but you can feel free to express yourself here anytime. If you need or want more privacy to “talk” or vent, I can give you my email.
    My heart hurts for you too baby girl, I just want to wrap my arms around you and hug you.
    I have two grown daughters that I am very close to, and I feel so grateful for that, but I also have plenty of love left to go around. I made a lot (and I mean ALOT!) of mistakes with them while they were growing up, but I’m learning to forgive myself as I see how wonderful they’ve turned out. Maybe I did something right along the way. …
    I am still learning things about myself and men and relationships and feelings. I never want to stop learning until my last breath (which I’m hoping is somewhere around 100 or so.)
    I may not have the best advice or wisdom, I can only draw on my own lifetime of experiences, but I am a very good listener.
    And this goes for any of you.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:22am

  412. 412: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy reading your words feel like being wrapped in a warm blanket of love.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:28am

  413. 413: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh! this just came up thinking about the prince

    if a man wants to be treated like teh prince

    treated like a prince by whom?

    like cinderella and snow white treat the prince?

    or like a servant woudl treat him

    hmmm

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:32am

  414. 414: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – i usually say “oh hmm… i dont want to be friends im interested to meet men for romance and dating”

    something like that

    theyve usually said they want that too and stepped up the romance considerably after that pt

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:36am

  415. 415: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    ohhhhh

    Daria!!

    Yes. Yes. Yes.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:36am

  416. 416: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “Without a commitment that makes me feel good am I entitled to keep looking for/creating what I want?”

    Thank you for this, Femininewoman. I am constantly looking for new ways to assert the essence of this to myself.

    The flowers – I kept them and will put them in a vase of water in my room. They are pretty pink and yellow ones with a hint of little blue blossoms.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:37am

  417. 417: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Definitely do not want to be a nanny to a prince!

    Eeeeeeeek!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:38am

  418. 418: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    oooohhhh April Rose those colors together feel delightfully soothing.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:39am

  419. 419: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 412 That could get men to mirror you and reflect back what in want. Just words in the moment.

    I suspect you will say that you trust your intuition but not every woman does.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:41am

  420. 420: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ha, the time is running out for MrP…as I am not accepting last minute plans a-n-y-m-o-r-e. Anything past today, this evening, is a last minute plan for me. I feel slightly amused. I am the prize. Get used to it :)
    Actually, I am looking forward to a date tonight with CDBig, we are having Mexican and I love Mexican.
    And Wednesday, as it looks like I am having no plans right now, I might go for ladies night or alternatively that have a film evening in the condo building here…how cute is that?
    I feel so happy to have options, and so many… :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:41am

  421. 421: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    April rose

    I am entralled with your story right now! My vision of your date felt fun and juicy. A younger lover…Very intriguing!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:43am

  422. 422: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I want to high five or fist bump Tam but that’s so masculine :p

    Hip bumps? :)

    Anyways…Woot!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:45am

  423. 423: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy,

    Your comment feels warm, open and inviting :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:46am

  424. 424: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Help needed!

    Crafting an FM to express how it feels to be “thought of” of “thought about” or “highly reagrded”.

    I can not put my finger on a word for this…

    I feel____

    “important” isn’t cutting it. Not good enough.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:53am

  425. 425: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria

    411 – Good question. He talks a lot about Cinderella, so probably her. But I think he means he likes to be spoiled, and when I have spoiled him, he expressed a lot of pleasure in that. When I said, “You deserve it,”, he said, “You deserve to be spoiled, too.”

    The longer I know him, the more I see him as giving the spoiling as well as receiving it. Getting back to what Miss Stix and I were discussing, I think he will only spoil a woman if she has proven worthy of spoiling, not just expecting it. Just like it is said, “Respect isn’t deserved…it is earned.”

    I think in the past, R gave his heart to a woman, who just trampled it. Now he has a lot of walls and will only give his heart to a woman who treats it gently.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:54am

  426. 426: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – yes thats quite the point. men won’t read my mind necessarily.

    i think this is how “the next man you meet will get what you expect and be prequalified” that Rori talks about

    as in, just in an easy offhand expression, they GET how i value myself and want to be treated

    i don’t want to hide from a man how i want to be treated, rather share my desires and see what happens and if the man can step up and fulfill some of that with me

    hiding what i want so that they have to figure it out by themselves strikes me as what i used to do with men during sex poor men, get all internally frustrated that they didn’t automatically know what felt good (and pine for the ones who somehow did). Now i can just say what i want and if he wants to that for me i find it lovely

    not one who happens to coincide with knowing what i want off the bat.

    same goes for long term plans such as marriage

    not really looking for a man who suddenly says, oh ! do you want to go to Brazil, get married, have natural birth attachment parenting unschooled children and practice spirituality and healing

    thats all my dreams and i share freely

    magically the universe DOES send me men now that start talking about brazil and all kinds of things that coincide with what i want

    in fact this is a tool of mine, talk about what i want – seems to attract it fast

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:55am

  427. 427: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    412 – I like this, but for me, when I say I am interested in romance and dating, men seem to translate that into “I want sex on the first date.” I feel so sick of this.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:56am

  428. 428: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im getting from that q – that some women may be ‘fooled’ by a man who seems to fulfill their wishes and is actually not able to do so

    but i feel confused as to the problem there… they will get weeded out when they can’t do so…

    and them even Wanting to fulfill their wishes is quite lovely

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:56am

  429. 429: TamNo Gravatar says:

    420 Miss Stix, we can bump bums :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:57am

  430. 430: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    RE: 415 – “Definitely do not want to be a nanny to a prince!

    Eeeeeeeek!”

    LOL, me either.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:58am

  431. 431: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Babysteps,

    How can you not care about the outcome if you love someone? ….

    Hmmm…. I think the key for me is to love myself more.

    If all they have to offer is crumbs or I feel I can no longer trust, or my boundaries feel trampled upon… than I choose to do what’s best for me. I express my feelings and my “don’t wants” and if he chooses to step up, and I can feel good about that, then we can grow together. If he’s not willing or able, then I love myself enough to know that I will feel happier moving along.

    At the beginning of my relationship, I discovered my newly intimate partner still had an active profile online. I was starting to feel very attached at this point, but as much as it may sting, I was completely ready to walk should I need to.

    “I feel sad and my heart feels like it can’t keep up with my racing thoughts… and I feel confused, yet confident. Look, this is a deal-breaker for me. I’m just a girl, and I need to feel secure and be able to have complete trust for my intimate partner. When there are other women, I don’t feel free to express myself sexually; sex, to me, is more than just a physical act. I feel open to dating men who are seeing others, but I don’t sleep with them. I feel protective of my heart and body, and it felt important for me to tell you that.”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:58am

  432. 432: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    422 – How bout…

    I feel like a princess on the top level of a cruise ship, overlooking the water and being waited on hand and foot!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:00am

  433. 433: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    If you’re EVER starting to fear that you’re “wasting your time” with a man – that’s your clue that you’re making a mistake by shutting down your options. That’s your clue to get out there and talk to, sit down with, go out with and practice BEING with lots and lots of NEW men – and KEEP HIM in your “rotation” along for the ride!.

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-hes-gone-from-friend-to-lover/#respond

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:04am

  434. 434: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh! Princess is getting closer to it. Yes. Thank you radlove!

    I was thinking the last time I got flowers or a “no reason” gift I was not quite as cozy with my feelings as I am now. And i’d like to be more prepared for next time. So I can sink into my surprise a little bit more and think a little less of “What do I say…”

    Ohhhh and maybe I could even say just ” wow I feel so surprised!” and “thank you!”. hmmmm

    Still…Would be nice to have a really good descriptive word for that feeling!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:07am

  435. 435: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, wonderful. Couldn’t agree more

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:07am

  436. 436: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    FW and LiliBee,

    Thank you. I feel seen, heard and valued. And those are not feelings I have very often.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:10am

  437. 437: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    “I feel all warm and glowing and so incredibly tall.”

    I’m short… so “tall” is like feeling put on a pedestal for me.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:13am

  438. 438: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I know I have to do it, but am unsure of the timing. One of my GFs suggested that if I move out with just a note and the keys left right now–that it will be diluted by the jerry springer action that just took place with Trailer Girl. On the other hand–I can’t do this anymore.

    I have been working on the note:

    HS,

    I can’t do this anymore.
    I am breaking up with you.
    I have been in love with you for a long time. My feelings have never changed… But now–I don’t know.

    I don’t want to be your friend anymore.

    Here are the keys, I will send someone around to get anything left behind.

    Alles Beste,

    aa

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:14am

  439. 439: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Treasured.

    This is it. Perfect.

    “Wow…I feel treasured.” and “mmmmm these smell gorgeous. Thank you.”

    Mmmm

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:14am

  440. 440: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Love your FM Mel. I am definitely saving this one. I feel confused yet confident really resonates with me.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:15am

  441. 441: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh!

    Thank you mel! :)

    I got inspired by sassy’s post. She said the word valued, and I had a lightbulb!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:16am

  442. 442: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Right now he is gone. Didn’t let me know he was leaving for a few days.
    The last contact we had was him breaking a business date and complaining about his printer by email.

    This was after a very good weekend together.
    This is someone I have known for 26 years. Just disappears.
    Not cool.

    Right now there is a window to move it all out without dealing with him. I don’t want to explain anything to him.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:17am

  443. 443: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    I feel elevated!
    I feel honored!
    I feel favored!
    I feel delighted!
    I feel significant!
    I feel central!
    I feel floaty!
    I feel cared for!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:17am

  444. 444: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I am conjuring flowers in my near future! mmmm I love flowers during fall and winter. They do make me feel warm!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:18am

  445. 445: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    His pattern when I leave is to wait a couple of weeks then start working on me–needling his way back in without actually stepping up.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:18am

  446. 446: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have been in love with you for a long time. My feelings have never changed… But I know I love and value myself and I want more.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:18am

  447. 447: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    I like I feel treasured.

    Also, I feel cherished.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:20am

  448. 448: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells you are saying you don’t want to explain anything but that is exactly what you are doing in that note.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:20am

  449. 449: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    ((( Miss Bells )))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:20am

  450. 450: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    yum I like “honored”.

    I felt honored when G’s mom said she would like me as a daughter in law. Well first I felt giggly and awkward. But then I felt honored!

    That would have been lovely to say!

    I think I just said “Wow” and “thank you.”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:20am

  451. 451: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    He doesn’t feel obligated to let you know he was leaving. Why do you feel obligated to let him know you are leaving? He will find out one way or another.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:22am

  452. 452: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “He doesn’t feel obligated to let you know he was leaving. Why do you feel obligated to let him know you are leaving? He will find out one way or another.”

    sounds a wee bit vindictive

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:24am

  453. 453: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I am eating cake for breakfast :)

    It is angel food cake with a very thin coating of whipping cream and fresh strawberries, peach, kiwi, and honeydew on top. Not totally shameful ;) But it feels decadent, extravagant and delicious!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:25am

  454. 454: TamNo Gravatar says:

    449….not getting a vindictive vibe more a silence vibe.
    Some things are better said with silence.
    I am learning that right now. It feels good.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:29am

  455. 455: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Not vindictive at all Starla. This is giving a man more than he is giving. Men are logical and he will never understand the need for explaining if he himself doesn’t feel that need. That is the type of thing that have some men thinking we are broken.

    Look at Jim’s response to you. Men tend to put themselves first.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:30am

  456. 456: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    tam, i can see it that way too

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:30am

  457. 457: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It’s like us telling men we are leaving yet never leave. He wonders about that then lose respect.

    Tell a man to go get sex or whatever else outside the relationship. He eventually will. Yet he will still feel love for you.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:32am

  458. 458: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    Do you really feel its necessary to leave a note? It doesn’t look (to me anyway) that he had the common courtesy of letting you know he was going away.
    That shows disrespect for you on so many levels.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:35am

  459. 459: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Miss bells

    No opinion here. But the feeling I get reading the note is a bit “put in my place.” and also a little dramatic. If that feels necessary to you, no judgement, but I do feel curious if you see it the same way…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:36am

  460. 460: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I would leave a note that says i’m leaving for good.

    it’s common courtesy. he left with the intention of coming back eventually, even though he was a total douche about it.

    at least inform the man of what’s happening in his own home.

    and then go. and don’t look back.

    YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:37am

  461. 461: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – hmm that doesn’t happen for me at all. The men usually open up about their romantic ideals and desires. They start to praise me as a woman and get more chivalrous and curious and respectful.

    I wonder what else we’re saying or doing differently.

    Also just recalled that tone is a huge one for me. when i state a boundary or something with anxiety as opposed to without, it really changes what i receive.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:39am

  462. 462: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 456 That’s how it looks to me too.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:42am

  463. 463: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    26 years – breaking a business appointment, can’t call but I am working to finalize his book

    hhhhhmmmmm

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:45am

  464. 464: JimNo Gravatar says:

    367, Radlove

    DId you say Skype. Email me, as I’m probably off the blog for awhile, work, life, busy and this blog requires much reading… I’m just learning to spell.

    Later,
    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:48am

  465. 465: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now im feeling triggered and like defending myself against questioning voices that ‘don’t believe me’

    i DID have a great idea of recording my conversations with men and using them to share and show others how i do and the responses

    i think it’s illegal to record convos without letting hte person know in CA, but i don’t think its illegal in Romania

    lol

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:48am

  466. 466: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    tho i might be wrong and it could be illegal here, but im not too worried about it. people here arent on a craze to prosecute stuff like that

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:49am

  467. 467: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I feel inspired by me! Oh stix, you are so inspirational sometimes! Ooooo it feels amazing to hear that! mmm Thank you.

    Today’s devotion:

    beam and say “thank you” at least once. Oh that’s too easy. I’m always hearing and receiving nicenesses. This is a natural flow now. Oh, yum! Delightful. Ok.

    Ohhh I have it!

    Today, after G gets off work we are spending the evening together. I will get off the phone and blog and be fully present the entire evening. Oh but I feel so booooored sometimes hehe ok so I will fill up bored feeling moments with receptive eyes and vibes and just get poked and tickled all night. Sigh. And feel giggly :) tonite will be a good night and at least one adoration will reach my ears. Yes. Mmm

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:51am

  468. 468: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I spent about 8 hours with my Mom yesterday, and we had a nice, positive time together.

    Today she called me frantically, practically demanding that I come see her immediately, that something doesn’t feel right, something’s wrong. I said I’m sorry, I can’t, I don’t have the gas money to make another trip. What going on?

    She snapped angrily, “I don’t know what’s wrong! Don’t you think I’d tell you if I knew?? Can’t you come up??”

    Then when I said sorry, I can’t again, she hung up on me. I feel controlled. I feel like sighing and running the other direction when she gets like that. I feel worn out from trying.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:56am

  469. 469: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm i feel triggered

    i see examples of initiating with a man and man not investing effort in interactions im reading here on blog . does anyone else see what i see?

    woman says : ” id love to meet you”

    man (doesn’t say “i’ll contact you” ) says “busy, contact me” – this is what it looks like when man is NOT invested for me usually

    i feel sad

    what is there to heal for ME

    im feeling compelled to ‘help others’

    so what am i to learn here?

    am i feeling sad at times i leaned forward>

    or?

    hmmmh

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:56am

  470. 470: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #463
    The book is a huge project for me. It was written by his late mother and is a war memoir. It is my foothold into online publishing, and a real plum.
    It has been a labor of love for several years.
    We were supposed to do the final artistic decisions together. He was actually nagging me.
    I will now make all those decisions without his input. He will receive a published and promoted book. Without any further interaction from me other than an invoice. I don’t publish till he pays.
    The book really NEEDS a print edition. It is that good–and many in the target customer base will not buy an e-book. But that is his problem.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:56am

  471. 471: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    (((radlove)))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 10:57am

  472. 472: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    At the jam last night a man I knew from my former hangout in a little town in the west county was there. He was all OVER me.
    It felt good to have an attractive man hang on my words and tell me how good i look.
    He has moved to Hawaii, one of the places I have considered for retirement.
    He gave me his number, and said I could stay with him and there is lots of inexpensive land left on the eastern side. I have an old gf in Hilo. Maybe…..

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:00am

  473. 473: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #463
    I answered you FW but THAT got put in moderation too. A lot of things with no religion, swearing, or S8X are going into moderation.
    I feel like I am doing something wrong.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:02am

  474. 474: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just ate a lot of chocolate

    hmmm

    feeling a lil sad and intense all in my head

    i love you chocolate

    i love you head

    i love you daria

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:02am

  475. 475: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Men put themselves first. True.
    Instinctively, they know that when they do what they want and put themselves first, they can take better care of everything – others also.
    Time we got that concept.
    It is not the same as being selfish.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:06am

  476. 476: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells cut at post in small segments. Then you might be able to identify what is triggering the moderation

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:08am

  477. 477: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I just got my first “delete immediately” response from CL–subject line “ur my type” and the body said “would u bellydance for me” and then some gibberish that I couldn’t decipher due to it being mangled text-speak or just mangled English.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:09am

  478. 478: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feel guilty

    abandoned self

    sorry Daria

    ((((Daria))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:10am

  479. 479: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Almost done. I like FW’s tweak.
    I have lived with him for five years. There has been no big quarrel. Last time we were together–he invited me–we spent the weekend very nicely. That was 10 days ago. I am leaving a note using FMs.
    Just moving out with no note lacks class.

    HS,

    I can’t do this anymore.
    I am breaking up with you.
    I have been in love with you for a long time. My feelings have never changed… But I know I love and value myself and I want more.

    If you don’t love me–I want you to let me go.

    I don’t want to be your friend anymore.

    Here are the keys, I will send someone around to get anything left behind.

    Alles Beste,

    aa

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:10am

  480. 480: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam ! that feels so empowering… hellls yeah

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:11am

  481. 481: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its up to me to attract their powerful energy to feed me… love and life that i am

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:11am

  482. 482: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #476
    I tried that and the pieces are also put into moderation. And take all day to come out.
    I am not always like this. I am actually in a real time crisis.
    10 days ago it felt like we were healing from this summer. Now–I really GET it.
    At least this afternoon I can ask Trailer Man wtf happened on Saturday night.

    I have a radio interview for my Frugal Goddess program at 3 PM I hope I don’t choke.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:14am

  483. 483: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells, this sentence:

    If you don’t love me–I want you to let me go.

    it evokes images of him having tied you down somehow. has he? does he have to let go? or do you have to let go?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:15am

  484. 484: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    476
    Miss Bells

    I feel curious and perplexed – do you really believe this is an FM?
    Where are your feelings? The wants/don’t wants?
    This note sounds like taking a stand.
    Which is fine, but it isn’t the same as being vulnerable and sharing your heart and using an FM.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:15am

  485. 485: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Miss bells, it feels like your looking for closure. I remember when I came to the blog, my first post wAs about this. Roris response was to not contact him, not to look for closure and not to contact him about it. I wanted him to pick his stuff up. She suggested keeping it or getting a friend to take it round. I know it’s not the completely the same but hop it helps.
    Since then he has stepped up a ‘little’ I’m using the Flypaper tool now.

    Also my post went into moderation a few days ago. Rori emailed me to explain why.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:17am

  486. 486: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam! Oo exited for your date!

    This is another reason I need to shift myself to date. I’m getting a little bored in the eve, which is a bit contradictory as I feel overwhelmed at how busy I am. Maybe I need to learn to relax more…

    Once I’ve moved I can find some classes to go to.

    Had another viewing tonight! Feels promising this one!!!

    Any response from mrP?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:20am

  487. 487: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I hold the belief that if a man loves me, he wants to ‘tie me down’ and he will. There will be no second guessing and no doubts and no mixed messaged.
    This knowledge, too, feels empowering.
    Sure, there are those who can love and not have a relationship – but even those will at least try the best they can..they will step out of their comfort zone rather than lose the woman they love.
    It may not work, but they will try.
    Anybody who doesn’t try, in my view, does not feel it in his heart. And all the excuses in the world, like my mother doesn’t like you, my kids don’t like you, I am not where I want to be in my life right now, bla bla bla. Those, in my mind, are excuses for ‘him’ just not feeling it right now.
    Men who love will climb mountains even if they risk falling and breaking everything. I know it deep in my heart because I have seen it.
    Anything less just doesn’t cut it for me anymore.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:21am

  488. 488: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ack i feel triggered.

    if i write a note like this my analytical strategy mind says he will be like,, but i Do love you jsut blah blah

    sounds like drama to me

    judgemetn that it lacks class sounds feels OUCH and like drama too. i feel so angry reading judgemetns about class ugh! pufff push it away

    feeling pouty

    i dont see that i would care about a note if im not focused on the guy. what do *I* need?

    *I* *need* to leave a note so that I feel less anxious – controlling the outcome? pfffffffff

    i want to do my best to take care of me

    leaving a note seems masc energy to me. mabye its just something for clarity
    “I’ve moved out!”

    leaving it purely for clarification purposes. tho my stuff gone would clarify im sure

    i can share my feelings when he contacts me

    but oh well, note no note, it doesn’t matter as long as im moivng away

    i dont want to give mind energy to this and him. what am *I* wanting? how can I give myself some fun? some good feelings? some comfort

    uffff

    stupid note i feel so frustrated obssessing about u

    ahd im calling the note stupid. i might be calling myself stupid

    aww (((((Daria)))))

    i can share feleings like

    “i don’t feel good staying here while i don’t feel loved and romanced… im moving out completely so i can take better care of me… i feel open to hear from you!”

    hehe

    that feels fun and light.. and Open!

    i wonder what drew me to this post. triggered me?

    pbrrrr

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:22am

  489. 489: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Ways in which this is hurting ME:
    I don’t eat.
    I don’t write.
    Doing the minimum for my clients is so difficult…
    I don’t get out and get new clients.
    I don’t do the paperwork for my trust.

    I am just flattened.
    I need to retreat–heal–and start doing what I must for myself. This is serious business.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:23am

  490. 490: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 480 Yep. Also a bit “victimy”

    I also don’t like the don’t want to be your friend anymore and the breaking up with you. Sounds very final like “walking over his dead body”. How would he take that statement.

    Any dont wants I’d express is the “on again off again relationship and push pull power struggle and living with a man in a quasi status”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:25am

  491. 491: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, Daria!!

    Ive felt eager to share with you all day…

    I woke up feeling overwhelmed with my work. As I arrived at work They must have sensed my anxious vibe. I wasn’t very ‘smiley’ and I almost always am. I shared that I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed. A collegue shared that last year they had two sessions on tapping!!! I immediately thought of you. I’ve watched a few you tube videos around the concept. My work collegue is bringing in her info she got. I do feel a little sad I missed 2 paid sessions to learn how to do it, but excited that I can try it myself!!!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:25am

  492. 492: TamNo Gravatar says:

    483, nope, no response and I am smiling as I write this…..because I knew that. He is too funny, I feel really quite smug as to how well I know him.
    He will do one of two things now. He will either drop the ball for a week and make a proper date, but one that doesn’t look like a date (let’s go boating), or he will try tomorrow to ‘let me know’ where he is, if he is in the vicinity (i e it hasn’t sunk in what I said and he needs confirmation that I have indeed changed).
    It’s one of those two, watch this space ;)
    Feels like I am in kindergarten and just grabbed a game from him and he is frowny in a corner while I am playing on happily (with other kids)….I feel so super amused by his reaction, as opposed to his other replies a minute after me….hehehehehehe.
    He is so cute though, with this predictability.
    However, I see him as less and less as a romantic prospect because of this.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:26am

  493. 493: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    feeling all horizontal, all prostrate

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:27am

  494. 494: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, wow!!! Feels so empowering! I want this for me too!!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:30am

  495. 495: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Aw Smile, sorry to hear work is such a bind!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:31am

  496. 496: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – Men put themselves first. True.
    Instinctively, they know that when they do what they want and put themselves first, they can take better care of everything – others also.
    Time we got that concept.
    It is not the same as being selfish.

    Jim – 354 Starla,

    What a wonderful, noble, humble place you are.

    If I were your ex and you said that to me. I couldn’t help but think… “WOW!!”… then I’d say, “You have the floor.”

    Jim

    I look at this response to Starla and was in shock but take it as a revelation. I thought 354 was so romantic and wondered what he meant by “You have the floor.” At first I thought it was meant that you can kinda take the lead but then it hit me, he must have meant sleeping on the floor because he was not about to do that.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:31am

  497. 497: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #483
    He chases me when I leave. He does everything he can to draw me back in. He admitted this is crazy. But he still does it.

    #484
    FMs. I have never told him I was in love with him before. We have said I love you–but that is different.
    In the only argument I ever had with him about Trailer Girl he said “You are deeply in love with me and have been for a long time”
    I jus looked at him. Then he said “You won’t even say it!!” and I didn’t say it.
    The other FM are the don’t wants.

    #485 There will never be closure. I know that. I have a whole household full of my things mixed with his things that he insisted I leave even after I found my new place. I did because he was being very attentive–trying to repair the damage. Then Trailer Girl came back and h*ll broke lose.
    No-one else can pack for me.
    I just want my stuff.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:31am

  498. 498: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, feels like you are putting all the pieces together in the jigsaw, you’ve dine the edges now closing in on the gaps. The picture is becOming clearer!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:33am

  499. 499: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I feel your pain re: CF.

    I am still having a hard time believing that PriestCD has just quit responding to email when we had a phone conversation in mid-August and a few text exchanges (all initiated by me, unfortunately) since then. I’ve accepted it, that he is communicating with his silence and lack of initiation of contact that he doesn’t want to be a part of each others’ lives–maybe right now, maybe forever, who knows?–and I am this close –><– to letting him go completely and not even feeling bummed, but I'm still struggling to believe that someone would do that.

    It's one thing not to reply to emails from a stranger, like on a dating site or from a CL ad, but another thing entirely to cut off a person with whom you have history without so much as a word. But I guess getting that word would be closure, and I'm not supposed to want that.

    Maybe he doesn't want to close the window for good either (the door having been closed when he dumped me)…? I'll never know, and hoping isn't serving me. Continuing to initiate feels bad and also isn't serving me, so onward I go.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:33am

  500. 500: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – “Men put themselves first.” I don’t think I agree with this. Not a good man. Not that he will always put others first. I wouldn’t want him to. It would certainly depend on the situation such as he’s compromising who he is.

    But when in relationship, a good one, one where he loves and cherishes, he will not put himself first. His woman will be considered first.

    For example sex. For example whenever K has been looking at other jobs which would have us move again, he won’t even look at ones in states in which he knows I would feel unhappy even if they are ones he would really like.

    There are many other examples, but I think you will understand.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:34am

  501. 501: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, I am excited for you about the tapping though..I never got quite into that really….

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:34am

  502. 502: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    So either do some scripting Tam or choose to ignore. What are your boundaries?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:35am

  503. 503: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells: I feel super confused as to how moving out without a note lacks class.

    It seems to me that you have already moved out given that you have your own apartment. Taking your things seems like the next logical step.

    I also feel confused about the part in the note saying that you are breaking up with him because it seems like you are already broken up.

    And when I hear what your friend said about it not having much impact given the drama that’s going on, it seems to me like being more focused on how things look than truly taking care of youself. Seems like an agenda.

    If you muat write a not, I would love to see FM’s and don’t wants.

    I’m sorry if this is coming across as harsh. I really don’t intend that. I am just in a rush and trying to be concise.

    Hoping you feel better about the situation soon and soar like you deserve.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:35am

  504. 504: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I took “you have the floor…” as in “I am open to hearing what you have to say…”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:37am

  505. 505: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #490
    The friend comment is because he alternates between me being the GF/ quasi-wife and the “friend”.
    And we were friends, in fact, for 22 years before we became lovers. I just want him to know THAT is over. And–we haven’t really broken up till now–even though he lied and cheated this summer, and is still lying and cheating. Even though i found another house in response to said lying and cheating.
    I need to say the words–to make them real–to be the one who LEAVES him, at last.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:37am

  506. 506: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmmm, don’t know if they’re on the list of feeling adjectives, but:

    melancholy
    glum
    doleful

    ooooh, dolorous, if you want to get fancy

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:37am

  507. 507: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I saved #484 to my “Miscellaneous Siren quotes” file.

    I feel uplifted reading it. :-)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:40am

  508. 508: TamNo Gravatar says:

    499 FW, a text tomorrow will be totally ignored, just because I don’t believe in saying one thing and then doing another. Clear lines of communication – sticking to principles.

    If he actually comes forward another time with concrete plans for a date at least 2 days ahead, of course I will consider it if I am not already busy.
    Those are my boundaries.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:40am

  509. 509: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique I believe the context makes a lot difference. When a man is truly in love he does want to make sure the woman is happy and likely won’t put himself first if it jeopardizes the relationshin in any way.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:40am

  510. 510: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    It feels good to ride on my horse, I’m now comfortable to have him hanging onto my saddle, sometimes we ride together then he falls off again. But what matters is I keep riding. My heart is open. I respond. I know what feels good and what doesn’t. I can be vulnerable. It’s not about control it’s about sharing how I feel. I don’t feel frustrated or the need to control where he’s at. I’m not holding on, my palms are open. I can receive but not become attached to any outcome, I am in the moment. The future feels exciting. I feel proud of my journey. I feel thankful for all your support.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:42am

  511. 511: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    # 503 not broken up yet. Still spending a LOT of time in a normal way, at least till last Monday.
    Yes I have another place, but very few of my material possessions came with me.
    He really didn’t want me to move. And talked me into leaving almost everything–including myself about half the time. The pattern was 3-4 days in my place, long weekends at his/our place.
    The Sunday before last, the last evening I spent there, he called me and asked if I was “home” because he was at the store and wanted to know about picking up something for dinner. And by “home” he meant his place.
    Can you see how confusing this is to me?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:42am

  512. 512: TamNo Gravatar says:

    497..Dominique, I made a division between putting oneself first (healthy) against being selfish. I believed that is pretty much what you are saying, did you see that?
    All the men I have ever known, even the very best, have put themselves first in the sense of looking after themselves and their own happiness…which can only be good for any relationship also..because only healthy and happy men make good partners.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:44am

  513. 513: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Because you are focussing on his words.

    Focus on his actions and your feelings

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:45am

  514. 514: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …and then they can care for their woman properly.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:45am

  515. 515: TamNo Gravatar says:

    507, love that Smile

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:46am

  516. 516: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam tapping, he he I’m probably going to triggers lots of people but it’s okay its a thought I had that Has gone now, I use to think tapping was mumbo jumbo! I never quite ‘got’ that kind of stuff… Now I’m really interested, I can see great value and benefit to it. It’s not part of my daily like but I like the concept of it.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:48am

  517. 517: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Femininwoman – Yes agreed.

    Tam – I’m sorry, I must have missed that part.

    I feel much better now. :)

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:49am

  518. 518: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – hehe the excitement in your post got me feeling smily!!! yeeee i feel all dancie

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:49am

  519. 519: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes I think more than I feel, that’s okay. When I’m aware of it, I can switch now.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:50am

  520. 520: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, I also believe that men ‘looking after themselves first’ means choosing the right woman for them, one that makes just them feel good rather than any other requirements…and from that vantage point they can nourish the woman and the relationship.
    The other side would be a man who is not putting himself and his needs and happiness first…and I don’t know how he can be a giver if he has no resources to pull it from.
    It may explain why men who are in a bad way with their job or have other big problems, are reluctant to step into a relationship.
    I don’t know.
    I feel want for a happy and healthy man.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:50am

  521. 521: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    blooming – prostrate or supine? :) heee

    also, (((blooming)))

    feeling frowny curiosity and concern

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:52am

  522. 522: TamNo Gravatar says:

    516 – same here Smile, and I am not going to beat myself up for it. I needed to think through a lot of stuff in my life and it has helped me get clear.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:52am

  523. 523: TamNo Gravatar says:

    514 Dominique :)
    Yep…I feel understood now. :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:53am

  524. 524: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, :)

    I’m going to try it little by little, It would feel great to have it as part of my life. I’ve never tried anything like it before and it all felt a little strange at first hearing about it. It looks strange to watch at first but I want to move on from this.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:53am

  525. 525: TamNo Gravatar says:

    513…Smile, me too..hehe.
    I feel so giggly at the word mumbo jumbo….it makes me feel longing for the UK, father ted and midsomer murders and fauwlty towers. I don’t know why.
    I love ‘mumbo jumbo’…I looove that phrase.
    :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:55am

  526. 526: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    A pedicure would feel good right now!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:55am

  527. 527: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I thought Abraham Hicks was mumbo jumbo too..now i love it.
    I feel happy for the part of me that embraces mumbo jumbo, a little at a time…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:56am

  528. 528: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry Miss Bells but he seems to have already left. Saying the words comes across, for me, as you convincing yourself. I believe that can be done in front of a mirror.

    He is away now with no notice. Plus he was recently chasing other women is what my understanding of your words are. Lying and cheating hhmm maybe he was just “playing house” why he was comfortable doing those things. I don’t mean to come across as tough but Miss Bells it seems that you are not being honest with yourself.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:56am

  529. 529: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “you have the floor” to me meant – Brava, you’re amazing, and i feel in awe watching you metphorically dance. you have my full attention and admiration

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:56am

  530. 530: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, Lol! The story of Wales is on tv, thought of you.
    Thanks for the wave before 
    (ps I’m not watching it)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:58am

  531. 531: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam you are SO inspiring me to stick to my own boundaries. Two days ahead!

    yeah!

    high value

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:58am

  532. 532: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    That’s what I thought initially Daria.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:59am

  533. 533: TamNo Gravatar says:

    528, thank you Daria…it will be a little hard to stick to, because he is pretty good company and we have a lot of fun, but I am determined to remain high value, stick to my boundaries and really, it is not up to me what he does with it.
    If he gets into a huff that isn’t my problem.
    It is my problem how I feel, and this last minute planning (although a big part of his personality) doesn’t make me feel good anymore. It’s not brainscience.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:03pm

  534. 534: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like dancing to the words mumbo jumbo! In a ‘goofy’ way!

    Not explored hicks yet… I shall google.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:03pm

  535. 535: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling so happy with my new attention on ME and NOW

    waiting? what? im BACK !

    im not really into looking online to talk to men back in teh US as much. i will still do it if i want to, but right now i’m rather more interested to see waht fun i can have here

    i can visit museums and other such cool stuff

    i can watch shows i like

    i don’t have to think about ‘preparing to get back to the US’

    where have you been Daria???/ translate :::: Daria i feel soooo glad to have you back home !

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:03pm

  536. 536: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

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    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:04pm

  537. 537: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #528
    This is a cycle–I can look at the negatives but they are exactly evenly weighted by positives….
    We are in a negative phase right now.
    In his mind he is just on a little trip–it doesn’t have anything to do with me–not intended to affect me in any way.
    When he pops up–if I do nothing– he will expect everything to be “normal” with me. Warm, comfy, domestic.
    He has done this several times.
    He has know idea that I know of the big blowout over the weekend. No idea that I know anything
    He is still saving our movie to watch together.
    The way we left it–he was going to call when he was ready to watch the movie and work on the book.
    He still expects me to show up for his gigs and be his plus one at social event with our friends.
    This is really really confusing to me.
    If you could see how he gives me the green light and the red light at the same time You would understand.
    And the stuff–he is not trying to steal my stuff–he is trying to keep me tied to the place.
    He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
    The quasi-wife to have a nice life with and the side girl to fight with.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:04pm

  538. 538: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I just feel like crying…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:05pm

  539. 539: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hilarious!

    It’s law of attraction! How could I not have heard of this!!! I’ve been living by it for months!!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:05pm

  540. 540: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    blooming,

    490 – Ooh, I like that feeling message! Me too!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:05pm

  541. 541: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m eating a salad right now and I feel so happy.

    I love salads. They are often a game-changer for me.

    Yum yum yum

    How can something so simple make me feel so good?

    The only thing that would make this better is some fresh heirloom tomatoes.

    Mmmmmm

    I love food

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:06pm

  542. 542: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    (((miss bells)))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:06pm

  543. 543: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I’m just not saying it right.
    This is not an imaginary relationship.
    This is a real relationship in real trouble.
    What I really want is everything to just be good again–only better.
    But it just isn’t.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:07pm

  544. 544: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    493 – “You have the floor” is a way of saying I am listening, and you have my complete attention, as in handing the microphone to someone in a crowd.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:07pm

  545. 545: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells regardless of what he is doing/thinking why are you there? What are your boundaries?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:07pm

  546. 546: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells, time to break out of the cycle and not see it as a way of making him step up, but making it all about you and starting fresh getting the love and man you deserve. Leave, don’t look back only forward.

    He may come around, he may not.
    He may come around when you have moved on and you won’t even give him the time of day anymore.
    Now, wouldn’t that feel good?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:07pm

  547. 547: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    After 20+ years he should be coming around with a ring, a date and a marriage license (application or whatever) if that is what you want.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:09pm

  548. 548: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Yes–he is “gone’ sometimes. and he is “here” sometimes.

    The problem isn’t that he doesn’t love me. He clearly does. And he knows I love him.

    The problem is that he doesn’t give me the type of relationship I want. And he know that too.

    It is really very sad.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:09pm

  549. 549: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing goddess, I totally appreciate food!

    I winder if it’s part of my life style?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:10pm

  550. 550: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 545 But is this enough for you?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:12pm

  551. 551: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sorry for people who don’t enjoy eating.

    But I feel sooo thank ful for eating!

    I work in a deprived area where children don’t have decent meals for evening meal.

    One child announced to be a few days ago that his mum had won the lottery because there was a fridge full of food :(

    Sometimes I get the children an extra portion at lunch, if I know they are not going to eat when they get home.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:12pm

  552. 552: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    My friends will be here soon. She is always late, and I can’t miss my date with the radio guy to promote my workshop.
    I may not be able to get everything out.
    But if I can–this is it.
    I could choose to take only one load of closet stuff– not noticeable, and do the rest next time.
    I am not sure I am ready.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:13pm

  553. 553: TamNo Gravatar says:

    545 Miss Bells, I feel you there, I was in the same situation of ‘knowing there are feelings on both sides’..I can tell you though, it doesn’t get easier the longer you let it go on.
    If he loves you and wants you, he will grow. If he is not inspired to grow after all this time it feels a little hopeless even from an outsiders point.
    I feel sad for you.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:13pm

  554. 554: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – yes it might feel challenging to stick to for me too, cuz sometimes i get in a perspective that not having any plans with men for 2 days in US will have me feeling sooooo lonely

    and then the thought ‘why would i wanna do that to myself when i have opportunity to meet men right now and get what i want right now?”

    and “there will be feww men who can offer that level of steeping up and i’ll have to drop some faves”

    reminding myself that every time i upped my standards ive gotten /MORE men, and more feel good feelings and more of what i wanted than less

    i feel out of breath with fear just thinking of getting thru those two days

    i can do it, heal this, and love myself thru it

    then ill be getting treated even more queenly/!!!!

    my last boundary that i required before i left was the car door opening thing

    i actually did stand there – feeling so insecure – while they motioned that the door was unlocked and even rolled their window down.

    then i’d say “mm i don’t feel good opening my own door”

    or “i feel better when a man opens the door for me on a date”

    Without judgmeent in my voice!

    i thought they would drive off rolling their eyes at the snob… these were NOT men i was seeing as car door opening types

    but NO that didnt happen

    they freakin started to say how much they LOVED THAT like they had NEVER gotten the chance to have an actual experience of romance

    they would hop out the car ! to open my door at every stop lol

    ahhh

    i feel all scared thinking about it

    this movie really inspired me, Think Like a Man, Act like a woman 0 something like that

    teh Steve Harvey movie

    where she says “i dont date men that dont open the car door for me”

    haha

    im like dammit if she can do it i can too!

    whaaat

    i want to watch it again now just to sigh get it back in my system

    yes so i had this DOWN

    amazing that men were THANKING me for requiring this

    shaking my head

    babysteps working out the belief that if i treat myself better than what a man is used to he will judge me and resist and be turned off

    actually he will STEP UP to please me!

    I KNOW THIS CUZ I USED TO HAVE THAT SAME REACTION TO PEOPLE WITH HIGH STANDARDS WHEN I WAS THE ONE IN MASCULINE ENERGY

    i didnt judge them, i judged myself and scurried to please them

    and felt so good to get their approval

    now i am the one getting that treatment

    sigh feels so … alone and empty to not have anyone to scurry and please

    and im using my energy on me

    it also feels lovely

    bit by bit im appreciating me more and it feels less empty and alone and more like nourishing comfort

    ughagh

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:13pm

  555. 555: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    534 – “This is really really confusing to me.
    If you could see how he gives me the green light and the red light at the same time You would understand.”

    This is xactly how I have felt with R for a very long time. I feel horizontal and prostrate much of the time just in a state of confuzzlement.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:17pm

  556. 556: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    they are here. Off I go.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:18pm

  557. 557: TamNo Gravatar says:

    548 Smile, that feels sad.
    I feel happy not to have been a deprived child, though we did not have much money and I almost never ot new clothes just hand me downs. But that is not the same as going hungry at all.
    I had a phase this year where I literally had only $200 in my account and thought ‘I won’t be able to eat at the end of the month’….and I was just buying the cheapest stuff and eating a lot of eggs and porridge and most of it was pride because I could have asked for help…but it felt awful. It felt awful going to the supermarket and looking at nice food and thinking ‘I can’t afford that’.
    I feel sorry for those kids.
    ((((hungry kids in 21stC Britain, and anywhere else)))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:19pm

  558. 558: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “you have the floor” means “i am paying attention to what you have to say, go on and say it…”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:22pm

  559. 559: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, that door opening story opened my eyes!!!
    I now also feel a bit turned off at men not opening doors, they mostly do, but I noted last time MrP didn’t do it. I am wondering if he ever did, and that feels odd because he has very good manners. the ‘not opening door’ just absolutely underlines a ‘buddy’ vibe. I am not a buddy, I am a lady :)
    I feel inspired!! Thank you!!

    My quality CD’s as I call them, naturally never planned anything less than 3-4 days ahead. I like that and try to cultivate it…what you focus on grows, right? ;)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:26pm

  560. 560: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    330: JimNo Gravatar says:

    257: Annie,

    If you want friendships with lots of women…

    At the risk of “triggering” you, words have specific definition(s) Thats how we all know what another is talking about, going through and so on. Friendships are one thing, acquaintances are indeed another. Of course there are casual acquaintances and closer ones. Some acquaintances become solid friendships… mostly over time, sharing of some mutual event and or experience(s). People naturally bond to some degree, for some length of time during their involvement in some common experience.

    I don’t feel triggered.
    I feel curious and want to engage and go deeper.
    I feel in agreement that friendships and acquaintances are different.
    Surface level sociability.
    Some people are only developmentally at that level to not develop real friendships.
    I can count my friends on one hand. It is a term that is used loosely.
    However for me Just because I bond and have a shared experience it does not mean I have a real friendship or would want one with any of those people I have a shared bonding experience with.
    I still prefer to keep most at acquaintance level.
    I can count my friends on one hand.
    Some people think I am anti social. :D because I don’t have a lot of friends and acquaintances.
    I believe I am picky.
    Feels better to be by myself than do PC surface level sociability and pretend.

    When I’ve recently met someone and they call me their friend… that gets my attention because they are doing many things, besides being mostly presumptuous and apparently thinking they’ve got a grip on our relationship. Time tells all… to use a cliche.

    Lol, I feel in agreement. I tell them we don’t know each other yet as we haven’t had conflict ;) So we are not friends yet. I can’t be friends with someone I do not know and does not know me.

    “Like I said before, in life a person really has to know what they are doing.”

    I feel confused by that statement. I don’t know what you mean.

    “Almost all women I’ve talked with agree that lovers come and go. Yet they will love their children for life. Am I making sense?”
    Yes. It is a different sort of love I have for my child.
    Romantic grown up love is a different kind of love.
    I don’t want to be a a mummy to my child.
    And even if I love my child they still cross boundaries and have consequences for their actions. Doesn’t mean I do not love them.

    “One post I read earlier, the woman knows when her relationship is over when the man no longer smells good to her, she’s changed and eventually he gets her message. And of course she stated she’s been with many men… so she knows when it’s over. I presume what she looks for next, besides Mr. Next is the exit sign.

    So what’s it all about? Sex.”

    Yes romantic love is different it is about choosing a mate. Someone who I want to share my life with and visa versa.
    I don’t want to mate with an acquaintance, a friend, or a family member. That feels totally repulsive to me.
    EEEKKKKK

    “One can prepare food in all kinds of ways, so many ways, so many dishes and yet it’s still food with it’s basic ingredients prepared in a myriad of dishes. So Annie, is it all really just that simple?”

    I feel confused by that statement. It is like trying to work out a riddle.
    What do you mean by that?

    That appears to be what you want on the surface.
    And is obviously what you want at the moment.”
    Annie

    Looks like you’ve got me all figured out!! :-)

    I don’t believe I know you to have you figured out.
    That is it how appears to me and my observation.
    Doesn’t mean I have figured you out.

    “My daughter calls me Sunday morning, I’m at work, I say my usual hello entertainment style and then say, “What’s up kiddo?” She replies, “I love you dad.” Upon telling her I love her too, she continues to elaborate with, “I just wanted to call you and tell you I love you.”
    Like I said before, grown up romantic adult love is not the same as childlike love without conditions.
    Children’s brains are not adult brains.

    NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!

    ?

    “I do the same with her, and I can pretty much rest assured she’s never once had to worry wether she’s loved by her father. I know my place with her and my impact on her life… through out.”

    Many little girls don’t always feel loved by their parents.
    They believe that they have to earn love and will only be loved if they please their parents.
    So without knowing your little girl I feel unable to comment on if that is her perspective or your perspective of you believe she feels.

    “Why people fail to take that responsibility with their “lovers” only serves as evidence why love fails on such a grand scale in our country. But then again… people do just exactly what they want to and they treat each other just exactly how they will.”

    What responsibility do you mean?

    “When I put myself out there for a woman, put the ball in their court, give them the power so to speak. it doesn’t take long to find out if I’ve given candy to a girl, a gold digger, security seeking agenda, or a mature woman who takes responsibility for what I’ve given with the gravity it merits.”

    Put yourself out there in what way?

    I don’t know any women personally who are gold diggers. All the women I know have married because they felt they were in love.
    For me personally I would want the security of knowing a man was able to provide for me and our children if we were thinking marriage.
    As the reality is if I am going to mate and have his children then I will be at home looking after them.
    And i would be insane to pick someone who was not able or didn’t want to do that.
    I don’t see that as gold digging. I see it as choosing someone who is able to be a husband and father.
    And would not knowingly choose a rich man who can buy me lots of ‘things’ and is not available emotionally or even physically over a caring man who I love and who loves me and can do a real deep loving life long relationship with me and our future children.

    I personally am not interested in being friends with men who just want my companionship along with lots of other womens companionship. Or one that wants that and to use my body for free. YUCK! I want a life partner. But each to their own.
    And if he wants to date me because he is romantically interested then I want to be the girl, not his buddy or the man. And It feels like buddys friends to me if we go dutch, not romantic. So I’ll keep the going dutch for my girlfriends and my gay friends. And date the men who show romantic interest and want to date me and not offering me future ‘friendship’

    So like I said before, if all you want is ‘friendship’ with women and you are honest and upfront and that is all they want then that is what works for you and them.
    And wish you all the best with having the relationships that you want.

    Doesn’t work for me though and isn’t what I want.

    If I look good on paper to her, she generally looks better in my rear view mirror.

    Lets turn it around, if I don’t look good on paper to her, I generally look better in her rear view mirror. Right?

    Another one for you. “If her friends like you…” I’m just glad to know she thinks for herself.

    Everything aside, games, drama, our cultural idiosyncrasies. It all comes down to just one question everyone has to ask themselves, “Will I be there.” or “Am I still afraid to be there.”

    Then I look at Ms. Probable Future and ask myself the same about her.

    “I feel pain and anger from your posts.”
    Maybe your on to something Annie.

    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:26pm

  561. 561: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    Whether or not your relationship is to continue, moving out and breaking it off is THE healthiest thing you can do, both for yourself and for the relationship.

    Have you listened to Commitment Blueprint? I highly recommend it. I would pay special attention to the part near the end about the story of Mia that Rori breaks down, and how Rori coached her to give power speeches. That woman got a ring!

    However, I admit I feel yucky about the things he has done, as in cheating and lying. I would want to end it and keep it ended. I see both of you as having difficulty in holding boundaries, as I think both R and I have difficulties.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:27pm

  562. 562: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    552
    534
    Miss Bells and Radlove

    I feel achey in my heart reading this.
    I think the only thing that is confusing is that you know in your heart you want a man who is all green light and are afraid to walk away from the red light/green light guy.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:28pm

  563. 563: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Belle,

    559 – I wish it were this simple. Let me put it this way…

    If right now I had ten men lined up who were all ready to offer me a ring and forever, based on the men I have met in the last 30 years, there are only two others whose ring I would accept…and I will not get their rings, because one has passed away and one is married.

    Of the men who are around, R is the only one who I consider marriage material. So it’s hard to walk away, because it feels like wanting to go swimming sooooo bad, and here is a beautiful swimming pool, but it says “closed”, and all I see around me for miles and miles are mud puddles. Noooooo! I don’t want to walk away!

    It feels difficult.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:33pm

  564. 564: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, I love your boundaries

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:41pm

  565. 565: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so heavy and sad today

    i want a great love

    i want that feeling i had before

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:43pm

  566. 566: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ok, (imagine psycho music in the background)..the time has come.
    MrNap is gone to nap in my bed and sheets. Eeek, eeek, eek.
    Feels gross, yucky, unhygienic and just ‘off’.
    What did I say earlier about men putting themselves first? That is NOT what I meant. ;)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:46pm

  567. 567: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a lot of confusion around the thought of a red light/green light man being marriage material at all…

    I think, in my own head this is one of the most important qualities a man must have to fall into the “marriage material” category. Should he not, at the heart of if all, the bottom line, be at least consistent?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:46pm

  568. 568: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I want to wash the sheets later. But I can’t wash the sheets every day, can I?
    Yuck.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:47pm

  569. 569: TamNo Gravatar says:

    564, I concur wholeheartedly, Miss Stix.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:48pm

  570. 570: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Some men are consistent with saying friends.
    Some men are consistent with not wanting to move forward.

    We consistently don’t believe them.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:53pm

  571. 571: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I grew up in a family with no money. But I don’t feel sad about it. I always had food and basic needs but never any luxaries. My mum earned a little wage and dad had an accident which prevented him from working when we were growing up. I would describe my upbringing as happy and filfilling. They provided me with my two greatest loves in life… Educating children and my love of outdoors. Passion doesn’t cost money. They gave this freely. I feel lucky.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:53pm

  572. 572: TamNo Gravatar says:

    568 – Smile, totally agree and also – love is free.
    The greatest gift.
    But I do believe that being hungry is just blurring all the other joy for life, it must be a horrible feeling to worry about where your next meal is coming from.
    And easy to forget that this is number 1 worry in many developing countries.
    We are very lucky.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:56pm

  573. 573: TamNo Gravatar says:

    567 – FW, I had to laugh when reading this although it is a very serious matter.
    But so true.
    A woman scorned is not just a fury that hell hath not, but also often deluded….’I know he wants me deep down’…hmmmm.
    I could happily count myself amongst those ranks before. Now hopefully I know better :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:58pm

  574. 574: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    467

    Daria
    I do see what you see, but I don’t get hung up on it most of the time.
    It would be ridiculous, like standing at a buffet being pi$$ed because 2 or 3 dishes aren’t cooked the way I like and feeling triggered over it and arguing with the cook or the food or the manager instead of looking around for what I do like at the buffet.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 12:58pm

  575. 575: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    However he presents himself, I want you to exercise curiosity about this man in front of you.

    Even if you feel somewhat turned off, unless you feel totally repulsed, give him a chance, many chances. REMAIN CURIOUS. Just because there isn’t instant animal attraction, this doesn’t mean he may not be the man you’ve been longing for, waiting for.

    Actually if there ISN’T an immediate going weak in the knees, this is more than likely a more accurate indication that he may be a far better candidate as a “the one” than the one who does make you swoon on first sight and melt to the floor on a first kiss. The latter kind of response is much more likely old patterns and habits arising, ones that have already shown themselves to not be good for you in the long run. These are more than likely your addictions rearing up, attraction to the familiar which has led to pain and heartbreak in the past and will again until you become aware of your patterns.

    So now you do you feel completely confused about how to date, how to “BE”?

    What is suggested?

    http://sexandheart.com/dating-dynamics

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:01pm

  576. 576: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Belle that reminds me of Carol Allen talking about the Banquet Babe as opposed to the soup kitchen girl. The banquet babe knows that there are tons of men out there so she keeps trucking.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:04pm

  577. 577: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Consistently red light/green light?

    Hmmm and I can see, yes, how one could get stuck in this holding pattern.

    When I say consistent…I mean full on, no doubt about it, wants to be with you and only you. And shows, at the worst of times, an equal amount of effort and interest in you as you do for him. At the best of times he is rockin’ full on give and lavish the goddess behavior.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:04pm

  578. 578: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh i feel a lil sad and triggered

    my friend from here who had 3 kids and way into inuition and attachment parenting and made her own jewelery i dont think was picking men that were able to support her

    and now she got onlinte and met some guy out the country who fell in love with her, moved her there, and he has a LOT of money, and she’s there just to get money from him

    everytime she gets mad he puts 2-3000 euros on the table for her

    awww

    i know she always felt stressed about finances

    she left her kids with her mom and visits every month

    i feel triggered
    (((friend))))

    ((((financial fears and stresses))))

    ((((((Daria)))))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:05pm

  579. 579: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    she says now that shes used to going out to eat and being able to buy stuff in a store at the mall she feels afraid of when it will stop

    ((((continuing money worries )))))

    (((((Daria’s money insecurities))))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:07pm

  580. 580: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    It feels chilly.

    (((autumn)))

    And last night it was so windy omg mmmmm and I said out loud “ohh that’s an energetic wind” and he laughed “an energetic wind, eh?” and I said “oh yes!” and he said “yeah…I get it.” So I said “I looooove standing in the wind and just feeling it on my hair and skin and absorbing it!…..That’s gotta be one of the best feelings on the planet!”
    He jumped on board by saying “that’s how I feel about silent snowy nights. I like the stillness and the crunch under my feet!” and I said “mmmmm oh yeah! me too!”.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:14pm

  581. 581: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so angry. I can’t stop thinking about the past year, and about Jack CD, and about all the ways he tried to get my attention. I did make it really hard for him. I wanted to make it really hard for him. I wanted to see just how hard he would try. He pulled all kinds of crap to get my attention.

    Then, as I opened up and expressed my feelings more and more and felt more and more, less and less happened. Like it was a game. I leaned back. I’m leaning back now. and I feel angry. oh, I know you’re not supposed to even think about him when you’re leaning back, but sometimes you just can’t help it. or you need to make a decision of some kind. got an email from Rori about Toxic Men. So he just doesn’t know how to do relationship? Is that what it is?

    I deserve better than this. I deserve to be approached, to be made comfortable, to have pleasant conversations. To be asked for my number (I honestly don’t even know how he even got my number. I don’t remember giving it to him…)

    To be asked out, to be held CONSISTENTLY, to be listenened to CONSISTENTLY. To be called or texted or smoke-signaled once a week, if not more.

    I deserve for people TO KNOW. For my Mom or anyone else not to be able to deny that he cares DEEPLY for me. It shouldn’t be this big secret or this big elephant in the room that we kinda know about, but won’t acknowledge because we don’t have balls.

    and I hate that I can never feel angry enough when he’s stinking around to communicate this stuff.

    and I hate how much I care!

    I hate that I feel like if we had a talk that I iniated that I could just know what the h e double hockey sticks is going on with him and what the he double hockey sticks it is that he wants from me!

    and I hate feeling like an option!
    and I know he’s technically just an option, but I really care about him and I don’t even know why!
    yes, i do know why, because he is so slow, gentle, and patient with me, and he always asks when he can tell something is wrong and I do tell him most of the time, I only didn’t tell him once, once, that’s it, and I love how I seriously feel like I can tell him anything without shocking the crap out of him, and I love how safe I feel with him, and I love feeling physically close to him, but I don’t feel any kind of close right now, I feel like I’m dangling by a thread, and it feels horrible and sad and angry, and I love how can “just be” with him without having to say anything and feel completely safe and understood, but I hate how I never know what’s going on, and I hate that I can never speak negative feelings “about us” because there isn’t an “us.” there’s a “what…?”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:27pm

  582. 582: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really embarassed after writing that. and I feel really angry that I feel embarassed. and I need to use the bathroom!!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:29pm

  583. 583: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    this happens with EVERY SINGLE GUY. I’m the %^&**@#$ common denominator in all my IMAGINARY %^&*( RELATIONSHIPS after all…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:31pm

  584. 584: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    (((Iamabutterfly)))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:31pm

  585. 585: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    and I feel sooooo angry that there’s a guy on here!!!! IT FEELS ICKY AND UNSAFE!!!

    Go find a guy’s forum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:31pm

  586. 586: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((lama))))))))))))))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:36pm

  587. 587: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Iamabutterfly)))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:38pm

  588. 588: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i feel weird. thanks for talking to me, daria. makes me feel more “real” lol…. hm : ) oh oh oh well i’m just here i suppose HELLO i’m real i swear

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:41pm

  589. 589: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    It’s ok to feel that way. Angry with yourself. Maybe he’s toxic, maybe not. But in any case you win when you focus on you.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:44pm

  590. 590: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the hugs, everyone. I still feel so angry. i feel so angry I feel like crying. UGGGG. I don’t know what to do with this! what are you supposed to do with this? is there a siren-y way to feel angry? Right now I just want to DESTROY THINGS.

    SINKING INTO ANGER.
    WHAT THE STINK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT.

    ITS NOT LIKE SADNESS OR JOY ITS LIKE CRAZY.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:45pm

  591. 591: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    The only way out of a feeling is through it. Feel it and move through that tunnel out into the light and your meadow.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:47pm

  592. 592: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Fear. Fear. Fear. I feel angry that supposedly fear and anger are connected!

    Fine, I feel so scared that I’m going to lose someone I never had!

    I feel fear that if I don’t “say something,” I’m going to lose him, and I feel afraid of losing me too. i already feel lost. I always feel lost when I care about someone because I don’t know how to show them that I care. and then I lose them.

    I always lose them…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:47pm

  593. 593: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    582 – I feel the same.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:48pm

  594. 594: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I just went and laid outside and looked up at the sky and watch the breeze blow through the trees, the branches dancing and the the wind caressed my skin as I listened to the symphony of nature and all of my worries and concerns seemed so small in that moment as bliss snuck upon me.

    This slight breeze that is still blowing in my face feels intoxicating.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:52pm

  595. 595: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love my sadness

    sigh

    i love my sigh

    i love my smile

    i love my fear

    i love my lurchy fear

    i love my cryiii helplessness shamy feeling

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:52pm

  596. 596: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so ashamed and powerless and i love my shame and powerless feeling

    :(

    i feel so pnaicked feeling this way

    i love my panic

    sigh

    i love my sigh

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:53pm

  597. 597: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Now I’m going to eat some chocolate

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:53pm

  598. 598: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m crying right now, and I feel angry that I’m crying.

    what am I supposed to do? just sit on my a** and do nothing?

    just be fine with this misery and CD all the men WHO AREN’T ASKING ME OUT BECAUSE APPARENTLY I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FLIRT OR BE A NORMAL, ALL-KNOWING WOMAN!!!

    That freaking infuriates me!

    Women’s intuition makes me want to punch someone.

    “make him think it was his idea.” UMMM, NOOOO!
    “women really rule the roost.” How, by being slaves to it? and slaves to the men who bring home the bacon?

    “Men like a woman who doesn’t need him.”

    “Men like a woman who NEEDS them.”

    Contradictions, anyone?

    and I’m sorry, but it is NOT SAFE to be a feminine woman. YOU HAVE TO HAVE MASCULINE ENERGY OR YOU DIE. You can’t depend on men for anything!

    They’re useless except for procreation!

    and now they’re all ANGRY that they FEEL useless! well, GROW A PAIR, BE A MAN, and you won’t be USELESS!!!!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:54pm

  599. 599: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Peanut butter cup brownies would feel good. Yes, that will do. Yum!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:54pm

  600. 600: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so angry !

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:55pm

  601. 601: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so blissful being treated like a goddess even if I am the one doing the treating. One way I like to treat myself is by not worrying or feeding stressful thoughts. The peace that I feel in those moments is worth it’s weight in gold. Haha! That makes no sense at all and I love it!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:56pm

  602. 602: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah! i feel angry that i think if i am a feminine energy woman i will be out on the street with nowhere to that feels protected to live an people will rape me

    UGHHHH

    feel so angry

    sigh

    cry

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:57pm

  603. 603: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    some men aaksed me what i was doing and i told them im feeling all triggered thinking about some ideas that i have about life and

    then i signed off cuz i felt annoyed to ‘have to’ talk to them on skype

    pfffff

    i wonder if that’s pushing away help or energy that would assist me

    ((((((Daria)))))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:59pm

  604. 604: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Iama, I feel sad smirky reading your posts. NOT because anything is funny, but because I think I understand your anger….like oh I’ve been there. I’m sure I’ve said or thought the same things.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 1:59pm

  605. 605: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly

    Hugs to you, and your fiery flames of zesty emotion.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:04pm

  606. 606: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh yeah i just remembered i was focusing on

    my fear of telling guys my short term desires and realizing

    NO THAT DOES NOT *CONTRADICT* my long term desires

    if i support myself and open myself i will ATTRACT those men who GET me and i will get what i want and i will be even MORE attractive

    YES!

    and i willg et what i want short term!

    now to practice babystepping thru the fear of judgement

    babystep babystep yum

    im accepting me and thats the way to go!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:05pm

  607. 607: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I love my NV’s!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:07pm

  608. 608: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m enjoying the discussion about men taking care of themseves, and it’s something I feel curious about.

    For example, when a man says he didn’t eat much yesterday or bother cooking for himself, and says he enjoys cooking only when someone else is with him, I feel mixed.

    I feel kinda sad that he doesn’t feel joy in his self-nourishment.
    I feel happy that he enjoys feeding me with lovely food.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:08pm

  609. 609: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly
    I read your posts and I started smiling and I imagine my eyes got brighter and I thought, “isn’t she something?!”, and I’m feeling admiration.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:09pm

  610. 610: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how am i raping myself?

    im rapign myself by having sex with men that im not sure worship me

    i feel guilty and ashamed and fearful to say thisssss

    ahhhh

    im babystepping out of this

    but im not there yet

    even No Name CD pouted when i held off on sex cuz i wanted help with my spa-time

    and i didnt get a massage first

    hmmm

    whcihi is why i want to run away from him now i feel a bit emotionally turned off

    and that may be what i felt comfortable with then

    as far as sigh intimacy

    and it WAS a step forward

    adn i want more more more

    i can have more more more

    even if i never had it before

    owww

    im sorry i bumped u kneee

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:11pm

  611. 611: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    You know what I love?
    What feels really really omg sosososo good is when a man hugs me so tight and lifts me up off the ground…
    I frickin LOVE when a man does that, it makes me squeal with delight
    every
    time

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:13pm

  612. 612: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I felt irritated when G once told me jokingly “i’m gonna take your mom for coffee and pow wow. I’m gonna tell her you don’t eat properly unless i’m around to feed you.”

    And I felt all slashface and like pfffffft i’ll eat what a wawnt.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:18pm

  613. 613: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how else am i raping myself?

    by putting myself out there as a sex object

    but i thought i loved being a sex object

    hmmm

    i want to have the power of being a sexual goddess

    but i dont want it to ve ‘bad’

    some women say it’s ‘bad’

    what if they’re right./

    whati f it leads to unahppiness?

    im naturally sexy

    :( pout

    i feel lost

    no need to know

    ((((Daria))))

    how else?

    watching porn that hurts my feelings

    reading all the judgemental headlines on porn

    sigh

    ufff

    i dont want to read them

    im doing a good job not reading them

    how else?

    oh yeshhhhh

    i know!! big smile

    not taking the time to make love to me, rushing thru

    yes yes yes

    not trusting myself to touch myself deeply

    oh yay i feel mellowed

    not doing the sexual healing practices i know

    but i dont WANt to do them

    okay

    its not forced

    it would feel lovely to be doing them effortlessly tho

    yes

    i want to do them effortlessly

    and funly!

    like a relax thing

    not a ‘must’ thing

    ok

    i intend to head that way

    not being open talking about waht i want during sex

    ghhh

    not trusting that i can have wht i want. not trusting that theres no need to judge myself.

    mmmf

    :)

    this feels tummy quivering a bit

    yay im healing!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:18pm

  614. 614: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I had cake for breakfast today…So his jokes are not entirely off the mark I guess! Giggly.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:20pm

  615. 615: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    by entertaining judgmental thoughts about sex! like judging hoes, strippers, nymphos, even uptight women

    aaaand thoughts about men . that they judge women , that they’re bad , sleazy etc

    ugh ick1 i feel triggered

    im not sure im ready to let that go

    babysteps

    i love my icky buying sex self!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:22pm

  616. 616: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confused/stumped:(
    How do we tell men they better worship us if they want to have sex with us?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:23pm

  617. 617: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    by thinking what my dad would think of my sexuality

    ack i feel panicked and its ok

    i love you Daria!

    i so support you!

    youre my beacon!

    uff/1”

    thinking women and men are judging me and others

    focusing on the judgements i notice

    i want to feel worshipful everytime i think of or touch my pussy, even if im wiping

    no more, ugh get it done with rush

    i waonder what tool i can use to really get in the worshipful feeling

    i can think of swollen vaginas in the goddess sculptures…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:25pm

  618. 618: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm

    I feel much more comfortable and sensual when i’m having sex with a man who adores me!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:26pm

  619. 619: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and having sex with a man who does not adore me can feel comfortable and sensual.

    oh oh.

    Weird.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:28pm

  620. 620: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    So what is my more authentic truth…

    I feel electric and swirly and dizzy and sometimes I feel like mist leaving my body when I have sex with a man who adores me.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:29pm

  621. 621: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    can i not judge my friend for spending time with and living with and having sex with this man for the money she is receiving?

    i feel sad for her

    i think its not good for her

    if i drop that judgemetn

    what if it IS good for her

    haha that feels great actually!

    but i dont think it feels authentic and that feels sad

    what if it IS good for her still, and shes healing and he is too

    whoa

    feels

    uffff !

    this is challenging stuff for me

    heart squeeze

    i would like some divine help here thank u

    in a wonderful safe feeling way

    waht if i didn’t ‘have to’ think about getting raped?

    ughfff

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:29pm

  622. 622: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my lil girl has sexuality

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:30pm

  623. 623: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im here for you and i won’t abandon you!

    i love you!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:31pm

  624. 624: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i can feel my heart beating all fast and nervously right now, just thinking about not feeling adored and having sex anyway. yuck. i don’t like this. i’m above this.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:31pm

  625. 625: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel interested in sex with a man who does not adore me. The thought tastes bland and feels kind of meh. The “shoot me to the moon” kind of sex feels far more exciting and intriguing! I don’t think I could go back to blah sex.

    This still helps no one learn how to say this to a man. lala oh well.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:33pm

  626. 626: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    uggggh my thoughts keep going back to “cf adored me, and i f*cked it all up by not having more sex with him”

    i couldn’t HANDLE it though. i wasn’t emotionally stable enough to handle it. f*ck

    f8888888888888ckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

    i want to go in the bathroom and cry

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:33pm

  627. 627: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Yey, I just tapped away my procrastination!!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:39pm

  628. 628: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Nice one, Smile,

    I’m going to tap my procrastination away tomorrow!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:46pm

  629. 629: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh…Starla :(

    I want to say things to you but I feel afraid of stepping in and possibly having you feel worse so I will just embrace you ((((starla))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:50pm

  630. 630: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    I want to know what it feels like to have sex with a man who adores me…
    I feel a lump in the back of my throat…
    I had SO much sex with T that I didn’t like or want, I would dissociate and pretty much use him to rape me
    there
    i said it
    like I did with M
    I didn’t want them to go away
    I was so scared for a man to go away unless it was unbearable
    can I forgive myself?
    I feel disgust and contempt and horror for myself
    for letting men who I didn’t like much, and didn’t like their smell
    invade my body

    I watched an episode of the Tudors once, and the king ravished his lover’s body with kisses like he was really enjoying it and I was captivated…”what’s THAT like???”

    Daria
    I feel inspired
    I’ve been so rough with my body
    and mean to my vulva
    I’ve been kinder and gentler lately
    but I feel the same way,
    like I know healing exercises but
    I don’t want to do them
    i want to want to do them :)
    I feel so much pain just sitting here in the chair
    I almost never wear jeans because I can’t stand the pressure
    too sensitive

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:51pm

  631. 631: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    miss stix
    i would feel super interested in hearing what you have to say

    aaaand thank you for the hug:) and the caution:) awww i feel so cared for on this blog

    ahhhhhh you ladies make me happy hehe

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:52pm

  632. 632: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Haha April Rose….giggles

    (((Sirens)))

    Seems like y’all keep triggering yourselves with these icky thoughts rather than gently moving towards something that feels more lovely.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:54pm

  633. 633: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I wish I could tap MrNap away…haha!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:55pm

  634. 634: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    And I feel powerless to know how to help

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 2:58pm

  635. 635: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    333: Dominique Aww Ty Dominique.
    It feels good to think I helped him by taking care of myself.

    Re car accident.
    I did express that I felt scared and my life flashed before me.
    Never asked for the hug though.
    And can’t ever imagine asking. It just wouldn’t feel right if I had to ask.
    Also I would feel even more devastated if I didn’t get one.
    If it wasn’t natural, it would feel fake :(
    I feel sad but accepting about that.

    I have to accept the fact that I was with a man who I didn’t feel cared about me
    And felt unknown by.

    I feel sad but there is nothing I am able to do about it.
    It is what it is.

    I felt sympathy at times and comfort if he had experienced the same emotion in the same circumstances. I never really wanted sympathy.
    I wanted to feel understood and empathized with. And loved and accepted for who I was.

    C’est la vie!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:00pm

  636. 636: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Tam re boundaries.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:00pm

  637. 637: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells.

    I can feel your pain.

    This man is not responsible for you not eating etc.
    You are.
    You are hurting yourself.
    Or as Rori says hiring him to do the job for you.

    I can understand you wanting to leave a note when you collect the rest of your things.

    Only you know what you want to tolerate.
    If you leave a note keep tweaking.
    Wait until after you have fully processed. And then write it as others have said about your feelings and what you want.
    No blaming. Nothing about him.

    Hugs.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:07pm

  638. 638: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW and Tam,

    567 and 570 – I hope you never get in tight with a man who is psychologically abusive thru traumatic bonding. I wouldn’t wish this level of pain on anyone.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:11pm

  639. 639: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    582 – He doesn’t need any more pain than you do. everyone needs softness and warmth, not nastiness. That’s rude!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:16pm

  640. 640: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm i feel triggerd about the “i wouldn’t want to ask, it wouldn’t feel right” to my mind seems like an excuse to keep labeling the man as not good enough

    cuz he can’t read my mind. good ‘excuse.’ even in front of ‘evidence’ that other sirens who have men that they believe care for them got treated similarly and did ask

    where am i doing what i feel triggered to perceive is happening here

    where am i refusing to step up for myself and take responsbility for my actions so that i can continue to blame a man? and say c’est la vie?

    i feel anger

    i love my anger

    i feel fear to talk about this

    ok i see my mom doing this

    but i feel triggered by it

    where am *I* doing it?

    is it by not asking my dad for money when i want it so i can keep saying my dad won’t support me with money and that’s just my life?

    yeah thats one way

    but it feels TOO SCARY!!!!

    i don’t want to go there i feel comfortable with my dad in this story

    i feel comfortable being the unsupported independent girl who’s not a daddys girl

    i feel ashamed of being a daddys’ girl

    he’ll say, yoou’re not worth anything if you’re not achieveing in a masculine way. making your way up on your own.

    also its unhealthy to receive support

    i want to heal all this

    all the anger i feel at myself for jduging my dad and setting myself up to confirm these, in face of evidences to teh contrary

    i don’t know that i can get past this or heal this

    i intend to

    i CAN do anything

    im all powerful

    i feel sad

    i love my sadness

    ohhh is it a way to avoid feeling my anger?

    feeling anger that i wasn’t supported?

    i don’t really feel it…

    anger at myself for not getting it and knowing how to bring it out and attract it all this time?

    hmmm

    this feels uncomfortable

    yawn

    all this judgy anger at the trigger

    i feel guilty about talking about it!

    im wanting to change someone’s mind!

    ok

    i feel powerless

    i feel angry at myself when i do this

    i love my anger at myself

    im avoiding this

    i want to heal this

    all this tightness in my chest and belly

    ok i can use my tool of pretending im the only one reading this

    yawn

    so

    how am i doing this

    well i do this a lot with… ex bf?

    refusing to ask for better treatment so i won’t have to be vulnerable

    but i CAN’T

    thats too much to ask of me

    i can’t go there

    i don’t want to go there

    getting dragged by my hair there

    (((((Daria))))))

    i don’t want to

    it’s ok to stay in my cage and keep blaming him

    i can just open the door to my cage and look outside

    thats plenty

    mggh

    ok i do feel curious what it might feel like to just stand in the doorway of the cage

    yawn

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:26pm

  641. 641: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    but i can’t be vulnerable with ex bf

    he is clearly an abusive , sick jerk!

    id get my feelings hurt!

    i cant handle it!

    ew!

    what if his wife starts tripping on me

    i dont want to invite their energy into my life

    it feels safer to keep judging him

    and keep him away that way

    but what if i could feel better not judging him

    but he’s an abusive jerk!

    what if he’s doing the best he can

    no! he’s a weirdo , a sick weirdo

    pffffff

    what if i start trying to attract him again

    or feel romantically insterested in him again

    or he does in me

    ugh

    i can’t handle it

    noooo

    i want to heal this

    i want to get the treasure under the garbage

    i want to transform the garbage into huge healing

    sigh

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:33pm

  642. 642: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow! more triggers! where am i the emasculating man defender?

    smh i don’t even want to go there

    im ALWAYS the man defender

    feeling teary

    ((((Daria))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:35pm

  643. 643: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I feel uncomfortable in the face of uncertainty. I feel…Eeeek! Scared. Woah! What’s going to happen? Feel spinning spinning, falling. I feel tense tight heavy. I feel urges to grap the reins from male hands and grind to a halt. Get off his horse…

    Interesting. This is good stuff to know. Very very good. Do I feel as if i’m on a mans horse and not my own right now…Dunno. Just random thoughts without triggersz

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:39pm

  644. 644: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i dont want to treat men like babies!

    but i see them as helpless babies

    they get hurt

    they need my help!

    i know more than they do

    they dont have the knowledge of opporutnities i do

    they can get seiously hurt

    fuchk up their hwole life

    it cant be bad to defend them

    ((((Daria))))

    babysteps

    ok its not true

    im just doing it for me, addicted to ‘proving myself’

    its NOt helping them

    ouch, but it is?! feeling confused!

    owwwwww

    what if they are crying for help?

    owww

    i feel confused

    i dont want to let them cry it out!

    feeling lost

    i can’t say to them

    you are a powerful and intelligent man. i know you will figure out a way to make this work

    THEY CAN MESS UP THEIR WHOLE LIVES! THIS IS NO TIME TO FUCHK AROUND!

    this is more important than mesisng up their life

    this is about their soul

    yes / no/

    feeling frenzied

    lil girl feleing anxiety panick

    frenzied feminine

    i intend to feel peace

    i love my anxiety and panick

    sigh

    thank you for looking at and writing about this

    i intend to heal them

    hehe

    thank you for the help divinity

    thank you for the triggers Sirens

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:39pm

  645. 645: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel naseous

    ((((((((Daria))))))))))

    i love my nausea

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:40pm

  646. 646: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    some calming, fun feeling stuff will feel great !

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:41pm

  647. 647: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel all stirred up and sick

    i love my stirred up and sick feelings

    i feel all hopeless and sad

    i love my hopeless and sad feelings

    i feel yawn

    i love my yawn

    i feel smile and tilt head i love my smile and tilt head

    i feel tummy squeeze and sadness

    i love my tummy squeeze and sadness

    mggh

    i love my mggh

    mgggggh

    i love my mgggggh

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:45pm

  648. 648: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my hands feel cold

    i love my cold hands

    mmmmm

    ok so if i dont ‘stand up’ and ‘defend’ my men, what would that look like to still support them

    ouch that feels bad?

    i think they won’t want to be around me if i don’t

    i won’t get to have that lovely family feeling with them that they seem to have with each other and that i’ve enjoyed before as ‘part of them’

    mgghh

    well im creating and creating that by finding the strong ‘stick’ in them and looking and speaking of that then mggghhah! i will get even MORE of that feeling, and instead of having to fight for it, ill be drawing it in and ill be effortlessly having it AND it will be even better

    like ill be worshipped as a queen with her entourage of men rather than as a wannabe lowly soldier women not quite good enough fighter

    a queen can fight if she wants to, but shes not one of the soldiers trying to prove herself good enough as the men like all the warrior women books i was reading my tamora pierce, even tho they felt nice at the time to read

    and actually i won’t fight

    but i will use my power

    ghhh

    this feels challenging enough plenty! i don’t want it to feel so challenging to shift my perspective and way of being

    i can do this easily!

    choosing easy!

    Thank you !

    ohhhhhh

    melt

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:51pm

  649. 649: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    was feeling a little “separate” as cd got a new game & was playing it & playing it with his headphones & today he got a new game but he got me a controller & headset too so i can play at the same time lol ….. feel sad & weird still but that’s ok & i love myself anywayz. intending relaxation & connection. thank you !

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:58pm

  650. 650: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Can I ride on a man’s horse if he puts me up in front of him? Does it then become my horse? Our horse? I dunno.

    I found out today that the out of town job pays $46 an hour. And I brought it up to G just now in an encouraging way. I feel almost guilty. I feel like he is passing up something that could better his life, for me.

    oi oi.

    Feeeeeeelings? A little ummmm…. hmmmm and oh f@ck. And I said out loud “It would feel rough for me too to have you gone, but in terms of bettering your life it seems like a huge opportunity.” He agreed. Silence. Then a few mins later he put his hand on my leg, smiled at me and said “How’s my beautiful girl?” and I said “I feel pretty good…. Reflective. Thoughtful.”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 3:59pm

  651. 651: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    638: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Daria.
    I hear you he was a jerk.
    I hear you want to heal and get the treasure.

    I have faith you can do this.
    How did he make you feel?
    What was the mirror or the message?
    The treasure is what is the lesson for you to take away?
    That is the treasure.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:10pm

  652. 652: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lol April Rose about tapping away your procrastination tomorrow :)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:11pm

  653. 653: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just had an idea! im realizing that a professor of Education at my university was very much inot empowerment and unschooling, though i didn’t get at the time why she wasn’t into enforcing deadlines on me and such

    i just had ANOTHER IDEA

    my first one was, to go find her and ask her for help and encouragement in applying to work/volunteer/learn at this learning center for kids with learning disabilities

    i really want to learn their methods as its unique, focusing on motor skils, visual skills, etc that are not academic related

    AND SECOND just now

    i can ask her for help to talk to the dean about allowing me to retake taht one class that the professor was mean to me about and didn’t let me finish my incomplete due to me having missed an appt to do so two years prior

    i was getting an A in that class and my not finishing i got an incomplete, dropping my college gpa from 3.6 to 3.1, which was a pretty huge blow to my professional/academic confidence at the time

    wooh!

    wow thank you for those lovely ideas Daria!!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:13pm

  654. 654: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I really admire all you sirens who can really write about your feelings and such. It is a constant struggle for me. Will i ever be able to not stuff my feelings?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:15pm

  655. 655: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Annie for encouraging me

    the treasure is more than lessons about it to me at this time…its feeling good

    it seems he’s showing up in my life again now

    i’ve pushed him out for some time, but now he’s kind of ‘around’ showing up in areas of my life where i want to have community and love with other people

    not as a romantic interest, but as someone who doesn’t want me around

    hmmm

    looking to the side

    i dont want to deal with this

    babysteps

    hmmmmmm

    ive done enough about that and those triggers for now

    i want to treat myself gently and focus on feel good stuff

    ohhh one lesson is NOT to masculine energy hold a vision and energetically constrict him to it

    that’s what i did when we were together – and it backfired

    my vision came true with another woman! and … sigh i wouldnt want their relationship

    eek

    i don’t want to keep on judging him and her though, as that means im judging myself

    i want to fully heal and get alllllll the yummy healing and self love this situation has to offer

    can i embrace the sexually and physically abusive part of me? eyebrows raised

    wooh

    this feels challenign

    oh!!!

    Byron Katie helps in these situations!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:20pm

  656. 656: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((T-girl)))) yes

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:22pm

  657. 657: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Byron Katie – belief “he’s dangerous for me to have in my energy space”

    wow i got some relief!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:26pm

  658. 658: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “he will attack me”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:28pm

  659. 659: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Im feeling tense; pms-ing! i take natural suplements and they help, but i ran out an havent take them for a week, so pms symptoms are back; bought DIM plus again yesterday hopefully im back on track.

    i feel nostalgic, angry, tense and anxious… having negative thoughts and i want to feel good again. Not feeling so attractive and inviting right now…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:31pm

  660. 660: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Daria. 637: Daria.
    I feel curious
    I want to explore.

    I felt scared to ask.
    I already felt like nothing.
    If I had asked and then still not got I would have felt rejected.
    If I had asked and got I never would have known if they has really wanted to hug me, or just then felt obligated and done it to keep the peace, pacify me.
    I don’t want anyone to hug me out of obligation.

    I wanted to express my truth say I felt shaky.
    Say I saw my life flash before me and felt scared.
    I wanted genuine from their heart caring empathy and comfort.

    I get this from my children, both boys and from compassionate friends.
    I didn’t get this from their Father.
    Both my children know he doesn’t care.

    We have no power to make another person care.
    My eldest says he would rather be dead than end up like his Father.

    So yes. Ces’t la vie.
    Me asking for a hug would not make him authentically care and have real empathy.
    Would not get him to the place of putting himself in my shoes and seeing it through my eyes.

    I am able to see it through his eyes and understand that he is not developmentally at that level of empathy.

    Hence the Ces’t la vie!

    It is what it is.
    It is not his fault.
    I just do not want a man like that anymore.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:31pm

  661. 661: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Just a few more words whilst he is in the shower…Then I will just be present today….

    Sometimes it seems I am working this magic and I feel amazed, amazing, strong, magnetic. Then sometimes I feel confusion and “checked out” in my own brain like I am pulling pulling away. It feels odd. Feels difficult to put into words. Narrowing focus. hmmm he expressed mega FMs to me today! Good FMs. FMs to make a siren proud out of the mouth of a man:

    “Sometimes I feel comfortably numb.”

    I said “That’s interesting…”

    Him: “You know…Like when you feel no fears, no stresses, no worries. You just are…Kind of numb.”

    Me: “The only time I have felt numb is when I have felt flooded with negative emotions for a long time and then suddenly just nothing…You know?”

    Him: “hmmm yeah I think so. When I broke up with my ex I felt pretty bad. I felt shafted. Then after a while I just felt meh like I was over it.”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:31pm

  662. 662: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    “Can i embrace the sexually and physically abusive part of me? eyebrows raised

    wooh

    this feels challenign

    oh!!!

    Byron Katie helps in these situations!”

    Hugs.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:33pm

  663. 663: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh i get it! he’s not attackign me!

    he’s just a messenger to show me where i attack myself by creating terrible scary scenarios in my mind

    this is a habit i have, and i want to heal it

    even if i think its common for people to have it, there may be soem people who don’t ahve it!

    and i don’t want to have it

    i want to heal it!

    Thank you EX

    you rock

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:38pm

  664. 664: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    647 – That is good pay! How far out of town? Would he/the both of you have to move?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:39pm

  665. 665: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Annie – hugs back

    this Byron Katie stuff is awesome. I like her stuff cuz it seems once i get to shifting some of hte beliefs using her methods, hteres no going back

    the shift is done, and it won’t come back like it sometimes happens using other methods

    ahhh

    so many tools abound

    yawn

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:39pm

  666. 666: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “If I had asked and then still not got I would have felt rejected.”

    i want to avoid that ‘rejected’ feeling so bad that i refuse to be vulnerable and share with my dad how im feeling and what i want and don’t want

    i want to heal this

    becoming aware is healing

    i can tap on 2nd chakra ask and receive vulnerability vows

    and i can use Byron Katie belief shift

    my power is in ask for and receive

    i can handle all the feelings, including horrible, and disappointed, and heartbroken, alone, not loved, not worthy

    im a confident woman who can handle any feeling that comes up

    wow

    babystesps

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:42pm

  667. 667: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria. That felt very comforting.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:47pm

  668. 668: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel lonely, I miss having a good man next to me, checking on me; I feel angry at myself because I had chance to have good men, but I rejected them, because I wanted bad guys. I felt turned off when I man treated me good and wanted to chase men who were bad for me.

    Now All a get is men who are “bad” for me, but I feel turned off pretty fast. Still waiting on a good man to give him a chance but it seems like karma is punishing me. I feel afraid that perhaps I had my chances and blew them. I had chances to be adored by a man, but I didn’t believe I deserved to be adored…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 4:52pm

  669. 669: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “he’s a coward”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:00pm

  670. 670: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    652
    can i embrace the sexually and physically abusive part of me? eyebrows raised

    Umm…whoa.
    Yes thanks for that…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:03pm

  671. 671: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow

    he’s brave! and smart!

    wtf!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:04pm

  672. 672: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i’m feeling a bit like a piece of shxt & i do want to get down “why”

    well oh & cd is making noise in the kitchen with the microwave

    yes, the cat is mean

    ouch, cd shows me blood. “he’s still sleeping. he doesn’t even know what he did”

    “& then he whipped his cxck out & then he put it right in my mouth. you should write that… put that down. put that on the blog…dot dot dot…they’ll be talking about it for days…. true or not ? tell me the truth ? they’d be talking about it for days or not ? …. typing on their phones, smoking down to the butts of their cigarettes”

    & now he is saying something ridiculous about his family “all of my brothers & sisters… you can ask them… that shxt is real”… omg i forgot … oh it started with ”

    he’s saying some weird shxt about how his community & friendships & trust lol & i’m paraphrasing this terribly but then i just yelled at him out the door about my weird experience playing kickball…. omg. i just feel so WEIRD I FEEL LIKE A FLIPPING ALIEN & omg the other day i was telling my friend who always knows my dreams & i know all this weird dream shxt about her & her family & her baby omg & i told her about these dreams i used to have & right out of her mouth was, “omg you’re one of the alien abductions” hahaha…. & she was like… recommending reading for me.

    oh i can’t COMMUNICATE IN ENGLISH

    last night i called my best friend i’m like, “i’m going to quit my job” & she’s like “oh yeah we should totally all quit our jobs, when are you coming to visit me ?” i’m like, no seriously i’m becoming a hobo lol now i’m legitimately laughing in my house

    my dumb caring boyfriend making me dinner & making me drinks & playing the holiday episodes of the office. sigh somehow i’m getting something out of this & i can use it to be wayyyy loving all directions all the time lol i feel warm & thick in the gut thinking that OH good yes it is working – evil smithers grin lol – omg i can fly like that & dip & dip yes, the waves, ahhh i feel so excited that it’s always like the water. feels so massively massively reassuring

    oh cd was saying “red tent” & hormones & i was LIKE YELLING just being like I’M ALLOWED TO YELL OMG I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU ABOUT HOW I NEED FENCES AROUND MY HEART. lol ok o k ok some of them are “boundaries” & yes, ok i see some of them are just “walls” lol feels shaky all up my chords like the wompwomp of the digereedoo lol i have no idea how to spell that …………. happy thank you more please

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:05pm

  673. 673: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aww T-girl that feels so lovely to read :) I see you are great with feeling messages already

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:05pm

  674. 674: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    *I’m* a coward for relying on group judgements and principles that i don’t really believe in so that i can feel part of something adn included adn get love, even though they are unhealthy and sui9cidal, rather than seeking out life, comfort and LIVING in safety and choosing and living on my own principles

    WT DA fuchk

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:10pm

  675. 675: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Jim Correction. Re 557 I don’t want to be a mummy to my lover and husband and treat my grown up man like my child.

    Not I don’t want to be a mummy to my child.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:11pm

  676. 676: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “it’s shameful to be a coward” i think this one is already dropped as i see it as just a part of developmental capability at the time, ie theres no such thing

    ill do the byron katie anyway to see what comes up

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:13pm

  677. 677: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    first i want to do “i won’t get love or be included in the group if i don’t share group principles and loyalty”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:14pm

  678. 678: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    665:

    Luzydel,

    You always feel so real.
    I can’t say enough how I love that about you.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:27pm

  679. 679: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey! that vb abusive florida guy just imed me – how i thiought i blocked him??

    but he writes

    “Get a job and stop being a dreaming princess hippy yet sexy?”

    i guess he’s in a not attacky time right now. not sure as he’s written more but im not reading it right now

    BUT WHATS SURPRISING ISSSSSSS

    that seems to be my ‘battle with the world”

    the world – in my perspective says – get a job!

    and im like : im a dreaming princess hippie!

    and trying to fight the fight and outlast the world’s ‘forcing’ of me to ‘get a job’

    so actual dreaming princess hippie doesn’t sound so bad

    i ahve pretty much determined tahts my passion in beign

    so why am i creating a ‘fight’ from teh world?

    it might be some 1st chakra stuff.

    I can heal this!

    i’m gonna write this down, as It feels powerful to me

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:30pm

  680. 680: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    he’s now telling me to feel free to pay him back (for my trip to florida)

    in not very nice ways.

    he says 750 should cover it. lol! wow i guess he’s including dinner and gas money or what not lol

    eh

    im not really triggered

    he doesn’t get me, or feminine energy

    im not interested in ‘earning money’

    smh

    i feel surprised im not that triggered!

    but its cuz what he’s saying is not really bothering me

    part of me does want to pay him back, but i don’t think that’s a self loving move on my part

    i was nice to him!

    haven’t said a mean thing to him once since i went there

    pfffff

    i will NOT stop beign a dreaming princess hippie

    lol

    i rock

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:37pm

  681. 681: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i wonder why this convo is not showing up in my archives
    hmm

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:39pm

  682. 682: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh lookie!

    on this IM i have past convo history that shows he knows how much money i had with me and he says, no problem, i wont let you get stuck blah blah

    IM SO SAVING THIS!!!

    i archived the other convos too just in case

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:42pm

  683. 683: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((Bloom-ing)))))))))))))))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:45pm

  684. 684: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    665 wow luzydel I feel the same way very often. It was like reading my own thoughts.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 5:54pm

  685. 685: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria that guy sounds like a jerk

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:04pm

  686. 686: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i ignored him on this IM id too!

    yay me

    Also, i notice and feel guilty that i didn’t actually say straight out to him (well i might have mentioned it on video chat, but its not on the IM convo)

    that i would like time to myself as well. i know i DID say it on videochat.

    but i didn’t say, i want to be free to meet other people etc

    i felt scare to be that open with a man at that time

    alsom

    i noticet what gave me the impression this was no big deal to him… he was begging me to come, talking about renting jet skis, going boating. did NOT sound like a guy who was strapped for cash

    so that IS in the convo

    umf!

    fuuuck

    :(

    the new convo from today that was abusive didn’t save

    :(

    that was the point of saving the archive, for evidence

    and now he’s blocked and theres no getting htat convo back

    dang

    well i feel disappointed but maybe its all good

    intuition will take care of me

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:04pm

  687. 687: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh its still in my archives!

    i saved it all now!

    score!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:06pm

  688. 688: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I am thinking about applying for jobs in other areas becuz I may need a new fresh start

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:06pm

  689. 689: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I’ll feel refreshed and not bogged down by so many “ghosts ” in my area

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:08pm

  690. 690: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t make someone a priority in your life,
    If you’re only an option in theirs

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:08pm

  691. 691: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yahoo saves it all for me too

    high 5 yahoo!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:10pm

  692. 692: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – yes he does, he’s just a wounded guy tho

    i feel terrified tho of having anything to do with him so am glad to have blocked him on this ID too

    aaand… i will no longer connect with men that i had an argument where they got verbally abusive with me.

    that cleared it up…it does NOT get easier to manage in person if it wasn’t on IM

    so this other guy i got in an argument over IM with, I now told him as he’s been contacting me, that i no longer wish to stay in contact.

    i feel a bit guilty but i DID get a big lesson on that from the interaction with this guy

    Not safe

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:13pm

  693. 693: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Big lesson : translate… big scare

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:13pm

  694. 694: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria yay for boundaries

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:17pm

  695. 695: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hehe ! super yay!

    and yay for not shutting down about receiving after such a big scare!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:20pm

  696. 696: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been craving to toxicEx and recycledCD :-(
    I don’t want to feel this way..
    I miss the familiarity with them…
    I miss the mans touch….
    I miss the history and lAughing about memories…

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:21pm

  697. 697: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    688
    Daria
    Since you are on a BK kick today, this reminds me that she says, “A loving NO to you is a loving YES to me!”

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:24pm

  698. 698: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    665 – Luzydel,

    I felt the same way. Fearful that I would keep attracting bad boys. HOWEVER, after joining match yesterday, that doesn’t seem to be the case. I’m sure there are bad boys in the mix though. Now it is up to me to do better. I will open my heart and be surprised at the wonderful men that show up.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:29pm

  699. 699: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel guilty to admit that I want a boyfriend… I do, a want someone to spend time with, who is faithful and exclusive. I do not want to think of marriage, I want someone to date exclusively. I did the Cding and it felt good to practice, but now I want someone just for me without being married to him. I want an exclusive CD…

    Then I feel like I am breaking a rule, though there is not really any rule. I do not care about a ring, f*ck even if I get married he can skip the engagement ring and just go straight to city hall and get married.

    I like that! an elopement, a marriage just for him and I, we can go have some icecream afterwards and let everybody know we got married. I do not want rules, I don’t like rules, I want to follow my heart even if it is wrong. I want a boyfriend some free spirited man just like me, who does what he wants, an he wants me as much as I want him!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:32pm

  700. 700: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    haha Thanks Belle!

    i feel so free and loving and untriggered reading all these things today

    i feel so shocked at how diff im looking at my ex, and probsably spilling over on the way im seieng this wounded guy too

    ahh

    is it a loving No to him tho?

    i feel pouty guilty that he is in pain, thinking he’s being taken advantage of, etc

    that was not my intent with him. tho i can totally see how he would think that (since he spied on me and saw me cding)

    but i was never like, dissing him or anything

    and even if i was, like my friend who is in the other country iwth that man, so what!

    he’s responsible for himself

    it hurts to not be atuthentic tho, thats why i feel a bit sad for her

    for me though, i was authentic!

    yeah!

    score D

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:32pm

  701. 701: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I have lots to things to say tonight… I feel all over the place kinda almost crazy… because I am just letting my feelings come and owning them every one of them today.
    It may be post full moon stuff but I have been stuffin things down for too too long.

    595… iamabutterfly… I could have not have said it better myself!!! girl…did you hear me say a woo hoo and a big AMEN! I am sending you a masculine fist pound, as I am dressed all sexy/femine,.. with my other hand on my hip standing in my red stilletos! haha hows that for a crazy word feeling picture. I have thought those very things and often dont feel it is safe to be femine. I said in my last post when you live alone (as I do) have no one to lean on but yourself… it is all masculine energy running the show.

    I really know how to be femine and want to.. I just dont have a man to let down and be that with. I really really really want to be the girl now. I want a man that I feel safe with, to make love with, be me totally with. One that I can let my energies dance with. yummmm

    ——
    Radlove… your pic on your posts…. why?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:36pm

  702. 702: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Today I worked on stuff with C, and it seemed to me we felt a LOT more comfortable with each other.
    I was thinking of the riffing not too long ago, about how making a man squirm made me feel powerful – we had some interactions today where I could tell he felt more comfortable approaching me to show me some mistakes I made to correct, so maybe…just maybe for a split second he could see me as a Real Human Being and not his MakeBelieve Fantasy Goddess.

    His smell was attractive to me again today…but really all I can do is breathe it in and release all of the feelings it brings up. We only interact on work stuff, no chatting or hanging out, so it’s good.

    I feel really really good about myself again.
    I feel like I really showed us both some MAJOR respect and I respect myself for that!
    Before when we would quit things, I would just have enough and stop abruptly and leave him kind of spinning. Regardless of the right or wrong of the situation, he’s still human and it still jerked him around and still left me in control so when I was ‘out’ of control he was happy to start up again.

    Using the FM and getting clear on wanting a commitment and honesty and being vulnerable with him, made it real and also made it clear it was a mutual choice this time, which feels like it neutralized the power struggle/rubber band effect.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:38pm

  703. 703: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    oh… the last post I asked about why a guy contacts, emails, calls texts and then falls silent, not following thru on his word… well I loved the answer from u Daria. I just let it go

    He text me and called me last night. I was surprised but felt it unremarkable too.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:48pm

  704. 704: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay Linda! wow i feel so smily and happy that you loved the answer from me! hehe yay :)

    i feel a bit good about myself tonite

    i feel inspired by a lovely woman i see sharing her womanhood and i want to do that too

    and feel seen

    i love my dreaming princess hippie self

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:54pm

  705. 705: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Daria for doing htat lovely leg and back stretch!

    and thank you for doing just the back stretch last nite so i can get to choose… and FEEL how my legs felt tight today so that i could choose to stretch them tonite with love and willingness and attention, rather than powering thru cuz its a ‘must’ part of the stretch

    i Get how its working for me now

    im awaare and choosing and alive

    and i get how to pump my lymph some now too!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:57pm

  706. 706: JimNo Gravatar says:

    493 Femininewoman,

    OMG!! your are so funny…

    “Jim

    I look at this response to Starla and was in shock but take it as a revelation. I thought 354 was so romantic and wondered what he meant by “You have the floor.” At first I thought it was meant that you can kinda take the lead but then it hit me, he must have meant sleeping on the floor because he was not about to do that.”

    I can barely stop laughing, oh lol!!!!!

    No, it had nothing to do with her sleeping on the floor. “You have the floor,” means I’m all ears, I’m listening and so on.

    When I read your post,,, shit, I’m still laughing. I don’t think I could ever put a woman on the floor to sleep.

    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 6:57pm

  707. 707: JimNo Gravatar says:

    541 RadLove,

    Thanks for straightening that out.

    Yah!! Next time I have a gal over, when we’re done lovey dovey, I’ll say, “Baby, you have the floor.” When she looks at me funny, heck, I’ll just push her off the bed and lovingly tell her, “Sweet dreams.”

    493 Femininewoman made my day!!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:05pm

  708. 708: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Linda,

    697 – Why not a picture of my eye?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:10pm

  709. 709: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, #692: I feel you, girl! ((((Emerson))))

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:15pm

  710. 710: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I guess Jim I sensed a hint of sarcasm in the comment to Rori so putting her to sleep on the floor kinda fit the persona. I fell happy you had a good laugh

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:15pm

  711. 711: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jim,

    703 – LOL, thanks for making me laugh!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:20pm

  712. 712: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Daria for brushing my hair

    thank you Daria for brushing my teeth

    wow i was just saying to Daria how we could experiment with not stretching and not brushing her hair tonite if she didn’t want to and she wound up wanting and doing both And brushing my teeth

    Thanks lovely caring intuitive Daria

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:20pm

  713. 713: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:22pm

  714. 714: JimNo Gravatar says:

    582 lamabutterfly,
    I’ll be gone soon enough, no hard feelings here.

    Radlove,
    It’s ok, lamabutterfly is entitled to her thoughts, comments and so on. No pain here, but thanks for looking out.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:23pm

  715. 715: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so incredibly different.
    I feel in awe of myself.
    I feel amazed at myself.

    I don’t know how to describe it.
    It’s like I keep hearing: An addicted person (whatever the object of addiction) hits rock bottom, then is forced to face one’s self, and there is no other way but up.

    I deeply felt to the core the rock bottom exhaustion and tension of controlling to stuff way deep down the feeling of insecurity.
    I spent last week feeling the pain and the grieving sadness of saying goodbye to that addiction to controlling.
    I spent the entire weekend going deep inside myself to unearth and take a long honest look at that part of myself.
    I really felt it to the core.

    By the time D came to see me Sunday night, I did not have an ounce of controlling left in me.
    I have a very faint urge lingering, but it just doesn’t overpower me.
    I feel like I own it, like it does not own me anymore.
    I can’t even force myself to do controlling in any way, be it calling, asking nosy questions, asking to see him, insinuating, manipulating to hide my feelings, the tough girl act who has it all under control…I can’t do it anymore.
    It feels like the fuel tank is empty, so no matter how much I try to start the engine, it will never start…
    Then I go to asking myself: “Why do I need to start it anyway? I was just using that machine as a habit.
    It’s just peaceful and quiet now, I don’t even need it anymore, it’s useless, why keep it around?”

    I spent the evening with D on Sunday, and I didn’t have an ounce of controlling urges in me.
    I just said as he was leaving “It felt good to see you. This time to myself really did wonders for me, I feel really good about it. It helped me feel clarity.”

    He said “That makes me happy.
    We’ll be seeing each other real soon.”

    I would usually say a feeling message like “I would feel good having plans ahead of time…”
    But I’ve done so much controlling, that even that would have felt controlling to say at this point.
    I just said “OK, that would feel good.”

    He called a few minutes ago, and I still can’t believe I had no urge whatsoever to ask any questions about what he did today or tonight.
    I didn’t have the slightest urge to ask him when we would be seeing each other.
    I am totally surrenderring to his lead, and turning my back to the pain of controlling…and it feels totally effortless.
    It has melted away.

    I said “It feels good to hear your voice.”
    He replied instantly “Aww, me too I feel good to hear your voice.”
    He hasn’t said a “me too” or any hint of it since months ago.
    He never says any such thing unless he really feels it.
    He shuts down when there’s an underlying aura of bad feelings.

    I don’t feel the urge to explain my internal processing of this past week, as that thought instantly feels convincing.
    Convincing feels manipulative of the outcome.
    I no longer feel a single ounce of manipulating or controlling in me. I just can’t do it anymore.
    I used to say before my processing “I don’t want to do it anymore”, now I’m saying “I can’t do it anymore.”

    I feel flabbergasted at how I am capable of healing.

    I’ve been reading and listening about this for months, and it slowly sank in.
    But this weekend, I really felt it and absorbed it with every pore of my body right to the core.

    I can’t believe how angry and resentful this man was when we left each other, and now he’s calling out of the blue to ask how I am in a warm loving voice.
    Whoooaaa.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:23pm

  716. 716: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    blooming – are you a writer? This is quite compelling…how are you feeling now? Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:24pm

  717. 717: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so ‘chill’ right now.
    I feel happy without having an idea of what’s next.
    Ahhh, what a relief!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:31pm

  718. 718: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my Education professor can also assist me with my application if I decide to apply to Harvard Law

    i can go and do Human Rights

    it can be part of my campaign to not judge people, including people who participate in government and control

    then voice says but am i “doing stuff” just so they can see me?

    shouldn’t they just see me by being myself without my having to ‘do stuff’ so that i can be heard by them in ‘their language’ ?

    like if i speak ‘my language’ clear enough, shoudn’t it get heard automatically by them?

    heart tightness

    hmmm

    not necessarily

    besides, it won’t ‘hurt’ me to do that if im truly that open and non judgemental and therefore unaffected by jdugemental beliefs

    ‘but won’t i “lose” energy by directing ‘so much’ of my energy to that?

    what if its realy easy for me and takes a modicum of my energy?

    what if it helps me have lots More energy

    what if i can be in brazil while doing these things

    i mgight ‘have to’ do this anyway cuz i will probably wind up wanting to help those people in the Amazon stop the dams

    i feel ouchie heart

    and also i want to find a way to get healing and empowerment into prisons, along with unprisoning people

    but some people, like ill people, really Do need help. and it really Doesn’t feel safe to have them walking around freely unhelped

    heart trembles

    this doesn’t feel SO overhwhelming anymore

    i like the way the woman in the videos i was watching was talking so simply and empoweringly

    and i really want my dad to see me

    heart ouch

    ‘should’nt he ‘see’ me’ anyway?

    yeah, but

    maybe im not seeing msyelf

    maybe im judging myself

    and maybe i Want to do this

    i kinda do

    not very attachedly

    which means its gonna work perfectly

    sigh

    so im gonna ‘speak’ ‘gov society’

    ‘speak’ ’1st world’

    i feel a bit teary

    i feel scared

    ivve been judging and separating from these people for so long

    but they ARE just people, even if they havea common emotional and mental illness

    im committed to not judging anyone, and any parts of me

    woh woh woh

    i can do this tho

    this is EASY for me

    hmmm

    oh yah, and that education lady can help me

    she can help me write my applications, and she can write me a recommendation letter

    she can encourage me

    i feel trust for her

    hugh

    a bit sobby

    hmmm

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:33pm

  719. 719: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    damn no kidding! that IS compelling!

    cock out? i was liek what! got instant turned on porno blog

    that is DOPE

    did that really happen!

    i like this relationship lol

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:40pm

  720. 720: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh yes everyone i remember! EV*IL also goes in moderation

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:41pm

  721. 721: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what are the origins of the word ev(il?

    hell is from a nordic goddess of underworld, hel (of course. all bad’ stuff comes from a slandered goddess)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:42pm

  722. 722: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jim, thanks for indulging my curiosities last night. :-)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:43pm

  723. 723: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    these people are just people!

    they will not harm me or infect me if i learn their language

    its impossible to corrupt me

    i am divine and im healing itself

    teary

    yay payoffs

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:48pm

  724. 724: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    (((starla))) (((blooming))) (((all sirens)))

    I feel confused by a lot of what I am reading on the blog today and my heart feels warm and encompassing for all of us

    women, we are such mysterious and fascinating creatures

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:49pm

  725. 725: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    even if they do infect me i will not ‘fight’ i will heal cuz thats what i do

    my intuition knows when it feels good adn doesnt

    hooff

    wow really?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:49pm

  726. 726: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m also reading backwards and jumping around which might explain some of my confusion. Also feeling a bit overwhelmed with the details of my own life and reading with one eye.

    (((LG)))

    I feel remarkably content and happy though. Just gonna ride it out and enjoy it while it lasts

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:51pm

  727. 727: JimNo Gravatar says:

    To all,

    I’m finding myself misunderstood in places here.

    The thing I referred to about loving our children and loving each other is the segregation that takes place with love.

    We say we love our children and we do. We say we love our mates, yet we rarely take the option to walk away from our children forever, yet when we say we love a person… well we can walk and statistics show we do.

    I’m saying if we, hypothetically, had to stay in a relationship like we accept being the parents of our children for life. Maybe people knowing they are in it for life may behave differently throughout life together… knowing they can’t leave.

    Kind of like making a choice to kill someone and a person gets a life sentence. If saying, “I do,” really meant a life together… Who knows? Maybe relationships would be understood in a context where a mate is like a limb, one would no sooner discard their right arm, nor their mate.

    it’s a comment meant to provoke thought with regard to what we believe and how we act with each other. An irony… that’s all.

    There’s a culture in the orient where a man and woman marry for life. Tho the woman is allowed to take on a lover, while married for life. She can have lovers through out her life yet the marriage is for life.

    The reason I say any of this is… reading this blog it is apparent that women want a mate and preferably for life. I’m just saying, men aren’t the only ones that have commitment issues and frankly when I look around these days…

    As it “appears” to me, women say they want love, love lasting a lifetime, yet and I’m sorry to say this I’ve notice a majority of women in this country to be weak and spoiled and it is especially those that have had many lovers.

    Just saying, no hard feelings meant towards anyone. My perceptions, my comment, my observations however accurate they may appear to a reader.

    Just saying.

    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:54pm

  728. 728: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this is easy for me

    i won’t power thru, i know when to not do something

    i trust myself

    i feel excited doing the lil practice steps to do waht i want to do to get there

    the LSAT game

    its a fun game

    ha

    nice intrinsic motivation

    okay okay

    hoooh

    you are pretty cool Goddess D you are

    very brave

    wooh

    to embrace everybody

    even people who you thought of as ‘bad guys’

    like nazi door people and stuff

    they’re still people

    this feels pretty triggering

    thats a big load

    im committed to ALL humans non judgment

    ALL humans

    even people who helped my friends die or get put in a barred building

    oh it feels challenging to breathe

    when water gets in my eyes, i tightene up so hard

    i feel scared of drowning… pfffffff sigh

    no food no sweet water floating

    ((((((Daria))))))

    rain water

    seaweed!

    rest!

    you’re a seagoat, you have seahorse tail

    ouch

    ugh

    jumpy

    the ocean says he will support you

    mama sea says she ill love you and feed you

    still scared she will hug me and eat me

    she has my back

    grandma i feel you

    oooff

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:56pm

  729. 729: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hahhh

    ok so im adrift…

    i caan still put some plants around my mental and emotional self

    hehe

    floating ona raft with plants

    or just floating plants

    hmmm
    :)

    I can live!

    Daria you’re really something

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:58pm

  730. 730: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies, I blocked myself yesterday from saying something I felt strongly about, and now I realize that that wasn’t the best idea. It was for the wrong reasons and wanting to ‘blend in’ and kow-tow to the larger whole. But that’s not me.

    Basically, I don’t feel comfortable with a guy on the blog again. Whatever happened to Rori blocking male posters? I know it sounds discriminatory. And I know some sirens really like this guy. But the energy of a man is totally different, and I don’t feel totally safe with a guy here. I like coming here to share girl stuff and vent, WITHOUT the input of guys (except a few coaches, which I don’t mind.)

    In the spirit of taking responsibility for myself, I am choosing to neither read not respond to anything that does not make me feel comfortable. That’s how I get to create a safe space in myself. (and partly I fear posting this, because I am afraid that the man on the blog will take it as a challenge and try to engage me in conversation, and I really don’t want that. It would feel like being physically assaulted, and I’m afraid of it. So I hope he doesn’t approach me or try to change my mind.)

    I guess if we can’t block certain users, then this is the best I can do for me. But I also wanted to be open and honest about how I feel.

    (ps, yes I know that men might log on and read our posts. I don’t care about that. It feels different when a guy is responding. It feels scary and not safe. And I want to feel safe.)

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 7:59pm

  731. 731: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what if i speak 1st world and they still don’t ‘get’ what im saying?

    pout

    mfff

    that won’t happen

    you know wahtsup

    you are good

    feeling sad

    moved

    like big moved

    i feel all pooof breathe out heavey

    like im in labor in my heart

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:00pm

  732. 732: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im a secret man! lol jk that would be hella wild tho huh

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:01pm

  733. 733: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel scared thats going to come off as inconsiderate

    me personally, ive skipped most of the ‘man postings’ to avoid triggering myself

    i feel quite peaceful w that

    i dont’ currently or int he past feel triggered with men on the blog tho

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:03pm

  734. 734: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    uhhmh yes so… in my heart

    so to bring it down, that would be into 3rd chakra action, 2nd chakra aska nd receive, 1st chakra family

    okay

    what was the other thing i said might be a 1st chakra thing tonite?

    search function

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:04pm

  735. 735: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ah yes dreaming princess hippie!

    yes yes yes/1

    related too!

    ok i intend to heal this all thru my chakras and see what happens!

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:05pm

  736. 736: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    orgasmic birth of this, wwwwoooh

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:06pm

  737. 737: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sneeze bless me

    im healing

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:07pm

  738. 738: JimNo Gravatar says:

    730 Tereana,

    How old are you! That was not a question, no need to respond.

    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:09pm

  739. 739: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you for putting your trust in me, Daria

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:09pm

  740. 740: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whoa now that does NOT feel safe

    i don’t want to tolerate men here if there’s going to be insulting women happening either

    Rori can you please step in and handle this for us?

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:10pm

  741. 741: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    699 I felt excited when I read this luzydel

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:15pm

  742. 742: JimNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    What if I felt insulted by your comments? Did the same thing, ask someone to step in and handle this.

    The way I see it…

    Overall women have moved into what men and women took for a man’s world over the last few decades. And of course there really never should’ve been that struggle for women in the work place, voting, birth control, choice.

    I’m sure you would agree women should automatically have equality. After all, they want it, right?

    So I can assume what your really trying to do here is get me off the blog. Again.

    Soooo… like I said, What if I felt insulted by your remarks. Because I made the remarks I did. Does that justify your actions and wishes to have me blocked?

    Now you can understand why I am pro cd now.

    Let me put it another way…

    Do I matter? Do I belong here just as much as you?
    Or do you belong more?

    This is a public blog, for all.

    Also, I understand I walk a fine line sometimes and it is quite intentional.

    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:36pm

  743. 743: JimNo Gravatar says:

    699 Luzydel & 741 Emerson,

    Not only do I not think you are wrong. I think you are so, so incredibly right.

    Why?

    You just accepted and let a man be a man. Funny things happen then… In my world, love becomes deeper and stronger. Can’t speak for all men, just me.

    Jim

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 8:50pm

  744. 744: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    So vman sent me the cutest picture today. It was really surprising. All day, not much except a few emails we exchanged about our recent “issue.” he’s surprised me by staying in the conversation. And not reacting harshly or totally ignoring me. I’m not going to say its “hopeful” or indicative of relationship capacity. But it’s at least surprising.

    And finally, after my last email, nothing. What I said was light-hearted enough. Felt we were on pretty good terms. And it fine, because I simply stated what was true *for me.* I said that I couldn’t be responsible for his feelings or interpretations, but that *i* felt guilty that my plant was dying.

    He have me some good advice, and I said thanks. But the truth is, I was happy and not attached to any outcome, because I already found another friend/cd who basically JUMPED at the chance to help me out and save my plant from dying.

    So it feels good – on speaking terms with V, and receiving support from other cd. Yay :-)

    But the pic vman sent me was so cute. And it had to do with my favorite movie. And it was even kind of romantic. I really liked it :-)

    But I am being careful not to attach too much (or any) meaning to it. It’s just a caring, thoughtful gesture of peace. And I liked it. I am receiving….

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 9:33pm

  745. 745: babystepsNo Gravatar says:

    my heart hurts, it’s a physical pain that insist on being there. i am not aware that i am thinking of him, but i must be, why else would i feel pain? exactly what my thoughts are… i’m not sure.. i am not conscious of formulating any thoughts…

    this morning, i was good. i was able to listen to others, empathize with them and focus on tasks that i set for myself. i think i was in a state of being or numbness, i knew i wasn’t “happy” but there wasn’t any feeling of pain or unhappiness either. i was just me, focusing on others and than my work. i felt like i was getting stronger, i felt like i am learning to cope.

    now, that feeling is all gone. i want to curl up and cry. i promise myself that I can do that tonight when i’m showering. i will let myself have a good cry then. for now, i must be strong.

    Tuesday, 2 October 2012 @ 11:26pm

  746. 746: JimNo Gravatar says:

    Grief is really hard sometimes.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 12:13am

  747. 747: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    727: JimNo Gravatar says:

    “To all,

    I’m finding myself misunderstood in places here.

    The thing I referred to about loving our children and loving each other is the segregation that takes place with love.

    We say we love our children and we do. We say we love our mates, yet we rarely take the option to walk away from our children forever, yet when we say we love a person… well we can walk and statistics show we do.”

    Yes statistics show that many walk away from their mates.
    I feel interested to go deep and explore this.
    mmmm right. Well for starters statistic show that one in three girls and one in 5 boys are victims of sexual abuse and that most of this abuse is from fathers and step fathers.
    So that is going to be quite a lot of women walking away from their mates.
    Then we have statistics that show 31%, so nearly one is 3 women have been beaten by their husbands or boyfriends.

    So I would like to ask you Jim.
    Do you think these women would be best to stay in these relationships with these men?
    Or do you think is best for them to walk?
    What do you think?

    “I’m saying if we, hypothetically, had to stay in a relationship like we accept being the parents of our children for life. Maybe people knowing they are in it for life may behave differently throughout life together… knowing they can’t leave.”

    So Hypothetically do you think it would be a good thing if these women had to stay with sexual abusers or a man who beat them man for life?

    “Kind of like making a choice to kill someone and a person gets a life sentence. If saying, “I do,” really meant a life together… Who knows? Maybe relationships would be understood in a context where a mate is like a limb, one would no sooner discard their right arm, nor their mate.”

    Mmm. if that Limb is damaging the rest of our bodies. We cut it off don’t we? So the rest of us has a better chance of survival.

    “it’s a comment meant to provoke thought with regard to what we believe and how we act with each other. An irony… that’s all.”

    My thoughts feel provoked. :)

    “There’s a culture in the orient where a man and woman marry for life. Tho the woman is allowed to take on a lover, while married for life. She can have lovers through out her life yet the marriage is for life.”

    I feel curious about this. Have you a link?

    “The reason I say any of this is… reading this blog it is apparent that women want a mate and preferably for life. I’m just saying, men aren’t the only ones that have commitment issues and frankly when I look around these days…

    As it “appears” to me, women say they want love, love lasting a lifetime, yet and I’m sorry to say this I’ve notice a majority of women in this country to be weak and spoiled and it is especially those that have had many lovers.”

    I feel curious.
    What are the statistics for how many lovers the majority of women have in a lifetime in ‘this country’.
    What country are you referring to?
    How do you define weak and spoiled women?
    Weak in what way?
    And spoiled in what way?

    “Just saying, no hard feelings meant towards anyone. My perceptions, my comment, my observations however accurate they may appear to a reader.

    Just saying.

    Jim”

    Ty for sharing your feelings perceptions comments observations Jim.

    Interesting projected thoughts indeed.
    “I’ve notice a majority of women in this country to be weak and spoiled and it is especially those that have had many lovers.”

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 2:17am

  748. 748: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Daria et all. I would like to remind everyone.

    Other peoples projected thoughts have nothing to do with us.

    If it is triggering any of you work with that.

    I do not feel triggered by Jim’s projections.

    Interested and curious but not triggered.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 2:20am

  749. 749: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    152: April Rose says:
    “I feel sick.
    I feel trapped.
    I have an urge to beat myself up. My judge says I made great progress last month when I ran away.
    I opened myself to new men.
    Then I came back to the old situation where the cycle has returned to its former state.
    I feel utterly lost”

    I feel the same sometimes, sometimes I feel afraid I will forever be stuck in old pattern.

    _______________
    Hmm been doing some thinking about writting mails to men.

    I feel kind of spitted. I love writting mails, I really do, it feels fun, creative and I can take my time to think…sometimes I write long and sometimes short, depending on the topic and my own feelings.

    But lately I have starting to think about it – is my writting a form of giving? and when I write more then the man write to me – in the term of more texts; do that goes to overfunction?…Is I’m giving more then I get?

    One example. I asked “J” by email “Where do you belive you are in life in 10 years?”

    He answered with: “well…I have a wife, children and enjoy my life, I hope =) And you?”

    …and I wrote about my dreams in finding a job a love to go to, how I wish to feel when working. I wrote about how I imagine my home…and what kind of relationship I would be part of. A lot ot text.

    And I’m again starting to overthink all I wrote; was it too much? But I also know Ccarter talks about paint a picture of the future to him. I totelly love writting, I have allways done; wrote poems and short stories when I was younger; and it have allways been easy for me to write….but maybe I should wrote less? But then it aint me….gahh. I feel a little confused by what all ppl have said. And another thing: I have meet “J” 3 times now…wonder if I should stop writting at all – wich both my child and diva rebels against that thought. When he ask me question, it allways makes me think and look deeper into myself…but I also want to meet him again, maybe I giving him so much connection, he dont feel the need of meet me in real life…

    *miss overthinking/analasying*

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:09am

  750. 750: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – mocking a woman – asking for her age rhetorically / is not (just) projected thought. It’s a judgement and verbal attack. I don’t tolertwit being treated this way with a man. I’ve left in the middle of the date for being asked the same.

    I don’t want to be in a position to see women ‘having to’ tolerate that in a safe space for women.

    If Rori wants us to practice responding / walking away from being attacked by a man, on blog! , well… I don’t know. I’d be surprised.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:22am

  751. 751: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies..
    and Jim no disrespect but I am not sure how I feel about a man being on here….nothing against you but it does feel strange, a bit like I can’t express myself like I would want to, because I worry about something..
    So my date with CDBIg…..it was the strangest thing ever. There I was, with my feeling messages, in the moment, apprecviating this man. And all of a sudden he opened up, about:
    -his abusive childhoood and being raise by grandparents (cue me and MrP)
    - his mothers 5 marriages and boyfriends (cue MrP)
    - him never having been close to marriage and having had the best and longest relationship in college, i e 25 years ago (cue MrP)
    I suddenly felt faint, but just decided that this was a different person and to take him for whom he was.
    So then he started bawling his eyes out.
    OMG.
    Then he started saying that from the moment he spoke to me on the internet, he decided that this was it and deleted his profile. EEEEEEK – we had not even met at that point, and I heard a ‘and now I expect you to do the same’ swinging in there. This was our second date….I felt a little engulfed. He kept saying he is sure I am dating lots of others and he doesn’t like it…what? Ermmmm….
    So here we have someone who, reminds me of MrP sooo much, yet this guy shows his feelings and wants instant commitment – which is the other opposite.
    He has no knowledge as to where this all comes from and I did think that..pfffff, at least MrP knows his issues and showed an interest in working on them..whereas this guy just blamed it all on the women, his upbringing etc and said ‘but I am totally different and all I ever wanted is a family’ – yet he never got married or even close. I felt confused. Otherwise the evening was very pleasant and I have decided to do what CDing is about, not overanmalyse (I am just telling you my thoughts and feelings) but to see him again and see what happens.
    He feels a little creepy but not too bad.

    The other thing I noted about my CD’s is that they all (with exception of MrP) have an entourage of female friends – ‘close female friends and ex-girlfriends’. Both of the ones I met here were talking about their female friends a lot, and the EnglishCD even met a few at the place we were at and it felt a bit yucky.
    I do have to say that after last night I felt a little loning to MrP and his no nonsense man’s man thing. His close friends are all guys, yes he has some girls too but not really close friends at all…and that always felt pretty safe to me.
    But I will banish that thought, and keep on riding on my horse. Hrmpf.
    Ok, need to work, laters…Jeepers, I never had a man cry on the second date…the power of feeling messages or just werid? he said he had never felt safe to share the story he was telling me before with a girl on a second date….but I was not sure this was a good thing, to see a huge bear like man bawling his eyes out at dinner is kind of odd..

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:25am

  752. 752: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oops I’ve just read a couple lines above. ‘weak and spoiled’ yes. That is true of feminine energy. It’s a ‘weak’ in a masculine way. And ‘spoiled’ in a masculine way … State of being.

    But seriously wow – I feel numb. I don’t want to tolerate this in my own ‘house’ so to speak.

    I’d feel better with a man who is treating us with respect, even when triggered. Like ‘Eddie’ in the article posted by FW in a comment (way) above.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:27am

  753. 753: TamNo Gravatar says:

    750 Daria, I haven’t got time to read back on the blog and I feel mean for saying this, but I don’t want to post on here feeling like I might be judged by a man. This is not the point of this blog?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:28am

  754. 754: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Yesterday I felt mocked, not me but someone else for just misunderstanding a phrase, well not all on here have our mother language as English and to be mocked for misunderstanding a phrase – even if it is just perceived – feels icky also.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:29am

  755. 755: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    feeling a bit overwhelmed by the blog

    Too much to take in

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:33am

  756. 756: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    630 Belle-yes! I feel connected to you reading that.
    There is much in my past I need to heal regarding abuse of my own body with s*x
    Right now it feels as though I am being punsihed for the past by my current situation.

    598.llama butterfly-oh, I hear you loud and clear

    I could have written that myself

    One of my *sayings * is-”look after yourself because no-one else is going to”

    Sigh
    I feel sad about that now, not angry

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:42am

  757. 757: TamNo Gravatar says:

    756 Ruth, that all resonates with me. But also I feel proud and strong for being able to look after myself and having come this far…and you can too?
    I had sexual abuse in my childhood and am surprised I can suddenly even write here about it and talk to people about it (I never did)…and it has screwed up a lot for me, I was too scared to even have sex with men until I was really quite old – I won’t reveal that because it is still embarrassing me, the age at which I first had ‘proper’ sex.
    And now I do feel sad that I still don’t have a sex life that is consistent, and in my last relationship it was all about sex and he pressured me a little (that felt bad), and before that I was in a relationship where the man was not too much interested in it….so I do feel sometimes that it may not meant to be for me…but I so would like to have a nice relationship and a good sex life (and now I am bawling).
    Hrmpf :(

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:47am

  758. 758: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Well, I have always looked after myself, and I guess thats very masculine
    But you know Ive not really been able to trust a man to do it
    Because when i have needed support , it hasnt been ther
    So its easier not to expect it

    I have total financial independence and its staying that way.
    I do have issues with the man paying for things

    Not very Siren like, I know

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:51am

  759. 759: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Actually, nobody knows about my sex life, not even my best female friend or anyone, I had a sex-less long relationship with a very kind man, just because I was so scared. Well, we still had fun and did stuff but just not the full act basically. Nobody knew and he was super understanding.
    And recently, I shared a little bit of that with MrP, when I was talking to him about me and about sex and that I do not want to be in a fwb situation as I had done it and it didn’t feel good long term. So I revealed a little of my past and thought ‘if that puts him off, I don’t actually care’.
    And he was so sweet and said I should be proud that I haven’t had sex till late since I was avoiding unwanted pregnancies and STD’s. At the time I thought it was a strange thing to say because I was expecting to be mocked or a ‘shocked response’ from him and he basically just expressed support and that he thought it was a good thing (???). I felt accepted and not like a freak. For a long time I felt like a freak in my life. So glad that’s over.
    Hm.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:54am

  760. 760: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    758

    Note to self
    That has to be the most un Rori thing I have read on here for ages
    I feel quite ashamed to even be writing it

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:55am

  761. 761: TamNo Gravatar says:

    758, yep Ruth, but that also resonates….I am fiercely independent but to be honest, it has always served me very well.
    Hence my reluctance to ask for help though (which has not served me well)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:55am

  762. 762: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    759 Tam

    I feel it is more important to have strong boundaries regarding s*x
    I feel a man will respect that
    So, good on you.I get where Mr P is coming from

    I spent most of my twenties NOT haivng any boundaries re s*x

    It was a form of self abuse, i know that now

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 3:58am

  763. 763: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Ha
    and so now I drink too much and run insane amounts of marathons
    Hey

    Going round in circles like a hamster on a treadmill

    Feels icky and i feel stuck, but also I feel safe

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 4:01am

  764. 764: TamNo Gravatar says:

    762..Ruth, I spent two years in my 30′s like that. Felt like I needed it though after all that abstinence – and then I stopped. Sadly, I met MrP in that phase, he was kind of one of the ones I experimented with and I sense that he could feel that.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 4:02am

  765. 765: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    750: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Annie – mocking a woman – asking for her age rhetorically / is not (just) projected thought. It’s a judgement and verbal attack.

    Daria.
    I believe mocking in any way is contempt.
    It is a form of psychological abuse, designed to shut someone down.
    A subconscious judgment yes, verbal psychological attack.
    If we are triggered by this, I would say work with that.

    ” I don’t tolertwit being treated this way with a man. I’ve left in the middle of the date for being asked the same.”

    Fantastic! yayyy to go Daria!
    I believe this is the best thing to do. To get our energy out of there and then process are feelings around it and hopefully get to a better place and ideally shift consciousness around it.

    “I don’t want to be in a position to see women ‘having to’ tolerate that in a safe space for women.”

    I hear you.

    “If Rori wants us to practice responding / walking away from being attacked by a man, on blog! , well… I don’t know. I’d be surprised.”

    I don’t know.
    I would feel interested on hearing what Rori has to say.
    And totally respect whatever decision she comes to about this.
    If she feels it’s best to allow him to stay.
    Or if he has over stepped the boundaries and rules of the blog to stop allowing him here.

    I take it all as a learning experience.
    Showing me where I am at and how I am still stuck and how I am moving forward and shifting.

    What do you think?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 4:04am

  766. 766: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I feel annoyed
    With myself

    hm

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 4:13am

  767. 767: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Woof. Now I feel somewhat numb still and tingles and tightnesses I’m feeling in my thighs. I’m wooof de numbing.

    Sneeze. Bless me

    I love me.

    I feel powerful too!

    I’m asking for help immediately without self-doubt and hesitation. Yay! And I feel high value.

    Ieeeeee :)

    Aww I feel a lil sad now.

    Woof. Hehe.

    It would feel so yum to have a respectfully responding man here (for me, I know other sirens are triggered by a man here). So I can practice and know I’m safe . And see what man who will always show respect answers like.

    Maybe could even practice attacking or trying to get in masculine energy w him, and he can respond by pointing it out, staying in masculine w respect,

    I don’t know that I’ve seen that too much and it would feel so intriguing and I feel curious about it.

    I still want those Calle Zorro books so I can see what scripts he suggests for men to ‘point out disrespect’ to their wives.

    I feel a lil piny. I’m wondering if I knew that info of I might not just somehow embody and transmit it to my dad and my godsons’ dad. And shoot, maybe others.

    I feel a lil sleepy now,

    Maybe that’s my Head denumbing, thighs still tingly tummy feels a lil tight – might be from the movements last nite.

    I love you Daria. I love my tight bootycheek.

    Hehe.

    Hehehe. Breathing . Denumbing. Tingly thighs. I want thighs to feel loose and breathing.

    Hhehehe it feels so fun and easy to be taken care of by a masculine energy (Rori).

    Also hehe it may be helpful to be triggered a bit. I noticed for example a tendency to get in a chat w a siren in 3rd person, making some praises about the man and behavior I did feel good with of his, knowing he’d overhear me \_\\. Agenda!

    I remner my mom doing this about me and others. Triggering! I felt resentful a bit then, mistrustful . Disrespect.

    Wooh.

    Triggered and sad. :(

    Know only ‘fake way’ of ‘putting people in their place’ to solve problems. Seems to work! I want to be able to solve those problems.

    I feel sad and lurch tummy thinking of girl downstairs who’s switched to being cold w me. I feel sad.

    I feel scared to ask if she’s mad at me.

    I don’t want to feel coldness like that.

    Mmmm pout.

    Thighs feel tingly.

    I dont want to get resentful and go ‘fake hi’ w her either.

    I feel sad!

    I feel a bit paralyzed.

    I feel sad.

    I feel sleepy.

    We don’t have to ask.

    We can stay in the cage, just open the door here

    Hehe

    Ah yes fresh breeze in the cage.

    I can still be in the cage, but got the door open

    Ok yes I did peek my head out just now.

    And now I’m standing on the edge!

    Wow!

    And now I’ve hopped on top.

    And am spreading wings!

    I’m in the meadow! Flash!

    I’m in the meadow.

    I feel disassociated.

    Wooh.

    I’m back on top of cage.

    Hmm.

    I want to watch a fun show

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 4:25am

  768. 768: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – hey babe, I’m not reading those comments regarding the man situation.

    I feel better not worrying about it or putting my energy in there to read.

    But I still love you!!! ((((Annie))))

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 4:28am

  769. 769: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Rooster in the hen house.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:09am

  770. 770: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    331: Radlove says:

    “Annie,

    257 – I spose I shouldn’t speak for Jim,”

    Wow. Ok.
    I want to respond.
    When someone says I shouldn’t, you shouldn’t should etc, they are arguing with reality.
    As reality is that is exactly what happened you spoke for him. I feel a bit amused at the irony.
    If you want to do that, obviously that is what you want to do and are entitled to do what you like.

    “but if you knew him and his history with women, you would know he is not trite or shallow a little bit. Yeah, I really would be breaching his trust to say too much. But he is capable of devotion and loyalty to a fault…way beyond that of the average man.”

    I feel confused.
    this statement makes out that you know him.
    Where a little later you say you would like to meet him.
    I would like to ask if you think
    if we really know someone who we have never even met in RL?
    can you clear this up for me, do you know him or not?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:12am

  771. 771: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Bloom-ing,

    @672 Beautiful!

    (((bloom-ing)))

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:12am

  772. 772: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    768: Daria says:

    “Annie – hey babe, I’m not reading those comments regarding the man situation.

    I feel better not worrying about it or putting my energy in there to read.

    But I still love you!!! ((((Annie))))”

    :) Fair enough ((((Daria. )))).

    Love you too lol :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:15am

  773. 773: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    hummm… So much I want to write this morning, but I don’t feel safe. It feels icky to me that a man is reading and even responding to Sirens! It feels like a girls pyjama party with cupcakes and curls in our hair and nail panting except this guy is trying to catch a glimpse of our silk panties. No, that does not feel good. I want to spread my legs without having you look.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:16am

  774. 774: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Today I can feel a little sadness that my boundaries are driving MrP away, but I am also feeling proud of myself for sticking to my guns and for not accepting treatment that would make me feel ‘less than’ in the long run.
    My date from last night texted me that he thought my character was as noble as my looks are pretty…which made me feel quite warm and tingly.
    I feel hopeful that even though I lose MrP as a romantic interest, it is in my best interests in the long term, and as I value his friendship, once we are over the hump of this messy patch, that we can remain friends. I suspect it would be for the best.
    I feel ok with that for sometime later in my life.
    A little melancholic but also happy to look after myself so well.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:22am

  775. 775: TamNo Gravatar says:

    started to contact 2-3 more CD’s just in case…right now 2 is plenty with everything else, but I can see CDBig not lasting long as he doesn’t want to meet with someone who is CDing and I am certainly not compromising until I have found CDRight… :)
    Feeling tearful after writing CDRight. Do I believe my Mr Right exists?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:24am

  776. 776: TamNo Gravatar says:

    773, agree with you SA. It does feel like a safe place, much like men are not allowed into the women’s refuge I was working in, unless they came to fix something, like electricity etc.
    The blog feels like my refuge.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:27am

  777. 777: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    743:

    That’s what my man has been trying to tell me.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:53am

  778. 778: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I might be mistaken but my understanding, the first time I read Jim writing on here, was that he was invited by Radlove. That was some time ago. He left because some women were uncomfortable with his presence, and now he is back. I have to say though that Rori must have some underlining reasoning for letting men in.

    I have also seen more than one male coach and posters on the blog since I have been here.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:55am

  779. 779: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jenny some men love writing. Some men love reading. The man who is perfect for you will enjoy your writing.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:58am

  780. 780: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Strangely, I don’t feel threatened by the odd male coach posting something not directed at a specific Siren but generally.
    Posting directed at Sirens by a man who is doing what we are doing, i e CDing women, just feels strange and actually depressing to me.
    Like I say, nothing personally against the guy but it re-confirms my fear of ‘men don’t want to commit’ when I read this stuff. I thought I would be healed of this fear rather than have it reinforced.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 5:58am

  781. 781: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam when you are in that perfect feeling relationship you will be able to thank Mr.P. All the melancholy will be gone and forgotten.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:00am

  782. 782: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Regarding Jim-

    This is a forum for WOMEN. where WOMEN can talk about their WOMEN issues, emotions, and frustrations, and triumps.

    I have no problem with male “Relationship Experts” getting on here to offer the male perspective on dating and relationships.

    But Jim, honestly, how would you feel if a woman walked into a Men’s Locker Room while you guys were talking about private, vulnerable “Man Things?”

    I can almost guarantee you wouldn’t like it.

    I will be the first to admit that I have issues with men.

    But having you come here to “air out your thoughts” in a masculine way feels intrusive to this type of community.

    There are PLENTY of online communities for men to talk with other men. Granted, they may not be as “gentle,” but that is the MEN’S PROBLEM.

    I wouldn’t even mind a man “reading” here out of curiousity to try to understand “the way women work.”

    but, having the masculine prescence in a place where I’m looking for feminine community and understanding feels intrusive, and I think even YOU would agree with me if a woman were to “intrude” on a male community.

    What do you think?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:01am

  783. 783: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Goodmorning sirens! :)

    It felt awesome to meet Siren Angel in person :)

    Her name really fits her, she does look like an angel.

    Having met a siren in person, it kinda makes me feel uplifted to have tangible proof that all sirens here are real women.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:03am

  784. 784: TamNo Gravatar says:

    781..aw FW, that feels nice and warm to read, and I believe so also :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:04am

  785. 785: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    *triumphs

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:04am

  786. 786: TamNo Gravatar says:

    782 – lama, I’ll second that.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:06am

  787. 787: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 754 – I kinda felt it too Tam but decided I won’t take it personal.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:06am

  788. 788: TamNo Gravatar says:

    787 FW, very wise. Yet I took it personal and it wasn’t even directed at me ;)
    Something for me to look into for sure, that’s where the trouble starts..

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:08am

  789. 789: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @714 Jim – seriously though, why are you here?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:10am

  790. 790: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly do you truly feel open to reading what Jim thinks?

    To me, it seems to be inviting more of what you are saying you don’t want.

    I also have to take responsibility and read Rori’s first comment to Jim to see if she invited him to interact with us.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:10am

  791. 791: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It seems the first comment from Jim this round just came through with no specific comment from Rori. At least I did not see one.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:19am

  792. 792: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 750 Thanks for sharing that Daria. The last time I experienced that on a date I was sitting in the car and froze. I hope should it happen again I will be able to say “ouch, that feels uncomfortable” or “can we stop for a little to have some coffee”. Then if it continues, I leave.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:22am

  793. 793: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    We could look at Jim as a cd for therapeutic purposes.
    I’m getting more and more comfortable being with men.
    He doesn’t bother me as much as when he 1st appeared.

    I get small triggers from his posts sometimes, I don’t feel welcoming to his presence either.
    What I feel in those little triggers is a residual fear of men, that protective shield.

    He has no idea of our identity, so would I feel uneasy ?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:23am

  794. 794: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam it shows you are a sensitive woman with a big heart. You want to honor your sexy warrior woman when she shows up to defend your sister.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:24am

  795. 795: TamNo Gravatar says:

    794 :) that feels better..

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:25am

  796. 796: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Well I feel triggered as I’m that chick in the men’s locker room

    I feel not good about women being attacked by men though .

    I feel annoyed and angry to see sirens saying they’re getting value while I see that happening.

    I feel clutch tummy and blaming of the sirens whose comments triggered me.

    Sigh.

    I feel sadness and shame to have supported men in abusing women, and fear and shame that I’ll probably do it again before I’m healed

    Pfffff

    I do feel very powerful and string that I didn’t get defends attacks or arguing

    I used FMs and don’t wants . Yeah!

    I did categorize what seemed to me to be attacks as attacks, hmmm

    This is not about me though, that is the attraction to continue to interact w a man when it feels bad.

    It Is about me to notice my triggers.

    I feel angry and tingly butt feet and into my hands tingling

    Hmmm

    I love my anger!

    Hehe!

    Feeling hot headed w anger. I love my hot head!

    I love my smile and tummy squeeze,

    I feel sad at ‘no mEn allowed’

    I feel triggered judgemental of girl only groups, I feel self doubtful

    I Love having men around! I love men during intimate time.

    I feel sad about it getting into judging and not safe feelings.

    Awww.

    ((((((Daria))))))

    Stirred up

    Feeling sleepy

    I love my sleepy

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:28am

  797. 797: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I agree with you LiliBee. I am a like that but obviously everyone is different and are at different stages in their evolution. At different vibrational levels. I believe it is important for the ladies to feel safe because ultimately any male poster is likely to leave. Either way it is helpful to see how we perceive ourselves in the presence of men. It is also helpful to know why we would want one to stay. Or leave?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:29am

  798. 798: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    778:

    FW,

    I trust Rori keeps aware of his presence, and will do something if she feels bad or off.
    I feel trustful of her intentions to let him be here.

    If we should ever feel overwhelmed by his presence, I feel safe in assuming we can reach out to Rori and she would take care of the situation.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:29am

  799. 799: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so tearful today and not sure why because deep inside I am so much happier than I have been. I feel so soothed by this warm and gentle air down here and the swaying palmtrees and yet I am bawling my eyes out.
    Maybe today I am bawling for all of us, men and women, who are carrying their issues around with them in a big back-pack and some get weighed down, others climb high even with a heavy backpack…I feel the sadness of the world on my shoulders today.
    I wish we all grew up in happy, loving homes, with healthy adult relationships as role models and having all our needs taken care of, so that when we are adults we don’t have to repeat the bad patterns, but can live a full and happy life with an open heart.
    Instead of struggling, having to heal all the brokenness…pfff.
    Ok, re-directing my sad thoughts…feels like the guy starting to cry in front of me yesterday has sapped my positive energy a little

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:29am

  800. 800: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Awww… Thank you Lilibee!

    LiliBee, your name really suits you too! (petite and golden brunette, like a little bee)

    It felt nice to be in total Siren feminine energy. What I noticed most was how the other women in the restaurant were all so masculine energy! It hit me later last night how we must have really stood out from everyone else in that place :-)

    It was fun, inspiring, intriguing and uplifting, like a girl secret society meeting :-)

    Hoping we can do it again in a few weeks!!! Or go for coffee when the need is urgent to talk.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:32am

  801. 801: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “supported men in abusing women”

    Interesting comment causing me to look in the mirror. I have stood up in front of my brother and told my sister-in-law that no way would I tolerate him treating her as badly as I saw her mother treated him once. I also let her know that he knows not to complain to me about her because I would be defending her as both of them need to take responsibility.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:33am

  802. 802: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I still feel the anger in my arms

    I intend this amber and adrenaline to transform me in a healing powerful way!

    I feel tight in my tummy

    And under throat

    Hooooh

    I feel judgemental in my head

    Ouch

    I feel full head from it

    I want to feel and flow my full anger

    I love my full dull head!

    I love my squeeze tummy

    I love my judgemental thinking

    Hehehe

    I feel giggle

    I feel tingle in my calf

    I love the tingle in my calf

    Yawn

    Spasm

    I love my yawn

    I love my spasm

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:34am

  803. 803: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    It hit me this morning that every man I have been in a relationship with married or had a child and is living with the girl right after me.

    EVERY ONE.

    I feel scared.

    I am the problem.

    I am my own worst enemy (FW you were so right).

    I intend to be the one my man cannot let go of.

    I intend to receive lasting love and devotion.

    I intend to receive commitment in the form of a ring, a house, and intense love.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:35am

  804. 804: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens, I came on here a few weeks back and asked for advise about my gf and her new man who swept her off her feet, the one who seemed to good to be true, looks like he was as she dumped him this morning………….:(

    You were right Dominique. xxx

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:36am

  805. 805: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @790 Feminine Woman – maybe I am. I don’t know. I feel really tired. I did read what he wrote, and it just felt very masculine and logical. Nothing wrong with that of course, but I guess when I come here, I just want an escape from masculine.

    From my own masculinity. From working so hard and striving so hard and fighting so hard.

    I just want to feel and be when I’m here, and when I read “masculine” things, I feel exhausted and I feel like it gets me out of my femininity or something.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:36am

  806. 806: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I love being around men in real life. I feel like my femininity is appreciated, and I feel attracted to their masculinity and I feel curious about it.

    (except for those times when I feel “unheard” in my femininity.)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:38am

  807. 807: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Then, it hit me that I can choose a good man. I wouldn’t need toxic men and that is probably why I feel ‘blah’ about that program as opposed to Rori’s other programs. I know how to choose good men, men who can do the relationship dance.

    I just don’t know how to keep them.

    I am learning.

    I have learned.

    I have grown.

    I intend to be compelling to the man in my life.

    I intend to inspire commitment and lasting love and devotion.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:38am

  808. 808: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel I do not believe you “are the problem”.
    Most of us go around on autopilot, repeating the same patterns over and over again without taking a look at what we are doing. Without consciously loving, without consciously creating our lives. I believe your awareness is breaking that pattern. If not you would not have realized this and maybe would still be playing the victim and blaming every ex. You will change your reality.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:40am

  809. 809: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am a Goddess.

    I am the ultimate Feminine energy woman.

    I am compelling and inspiring.

    I am Love.

    I am the one.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:41am

  810. 810: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hm I kinda feel triggered by women being judged of being ‘masculine’, like a blanket judgment, just by observation. I dunno.
    My date yesterday also told me that he finds most women to be very masculine ‘these days’ and me to be very feminine. I felt flattered and uplifted by that, however, realised later on that he is a suprememly judgmental guy, who was ‘assuming’ all sorts about me, without going through the trouble or asking or checking whether his assumptions were actually accurate. And he said ‘I was in the Army and analyse everything’. That felt yucky. He also showed possessiveness already.
    I wonder if, for him, a feminine woman is a doormat who just did what he told her to do, and would never talk to, or look at another man ever, after the third date with him….that’s what it felt like anyway.
    It’s funny how different terms mean different things to people, eh?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:41am

  811. 811: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    800:

    For sure SA! :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:43am

  812. 812: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @604 Goddess Lily – I feel great reading that. I want to give you a high five and run off into a meadow and frolic in a safe femininity that I wish I had…

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:43am

  813. 813: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @605 – Thanks, April Rose!

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:44am

  814. 814: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @609 Belle – You make me feel so understood, validated, and happy! :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:44am

  815. 815: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tight in my lower spine

    I feel sad

    I love my tightness in my lower spine

    Hehehe

    I love my sadness

    I love my left side squeeze

    Yawn

    I love
    My yawn

    Is my anger drained my adrenals is that unhealthy for me?

    I choose to allow it to feel heathy

    Yawn

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:45am

  816. 816: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @611 Belle – Me too. I feel sad. I miss that…

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:45am

  817. 817: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @639 Radlove – please read my comment #782

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:46am

  818. 818: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW. Rori’s tools (and some CC stuff) and your and other Sirens support here is bringing me so much awareness, true, in the last few weeks. I started changing last summer when I got my first Rori program (Modern Siren then later Reconnect) but the change in the last month has been astronomical. I am truly different, though the process is painful, it is worth it.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:46am

  819. 819: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @786 Tam – thanks, Tam!

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 6:48am

  820. 820: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Just been ‘CDing’ two old men in the lobby of the Condo building, they were so courteous and sweet..I love old people…guess I am in the right place :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:02am

  821. 821: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel open to learning.
    other peoples judgments have nothing to do with me.
    If someone is making judgmental comments they are closed to learning.
    Their heart is closed.
    As a closed heart is not open to learning.

    If someone verbalizes direct judgmental thoughts at me it is most likely pointless to engage apart from to state my feeling and then take action to take care of my feelings around it.
    So if I feel negatively triggered the loving compassionate thing to do for myself and the other person is to disengage.
    And go and process on where I am judging myself.
    Rori, katie Byron and Dr Margaret Paul have all helped with this shift and processing and Dominique :)

    If I am not triggered and it feels tolerable it may feel ok to me to stick around and listen.
    Just feels best to me to experiment and take it moment by moment. And help me on my journey of healing. love and peace.

    I do not know Jim Or his story.
    Only feel able to pay attention to the words I see written and how they make me feel and step back and process.

    My observation and take is.
    Any man who makes the judgmental comment “I’ve notice a majority of women in this country to be weak and spoiled and it is especially those that have had many lovers.” is stuck in that place with women.
    And still subconsciously attracted to that and is still wounded.

    And that is none of my business, that is his business.

    My business is to now go and do something good that makes me feel happy. :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:05am

  822. 822: TamNo Gravatar says:

    wow, I am so angry now, I got a response from MrP:

    ”couldn’t help but laugh at the comment – ‘I’m free so far on Wednesday’.. this a meeting, not a date.. I’ll keep you posted”

    I feel like bursting with anger.
    But it’s also quite funny. Ok, so now I know.

    Would you answer something?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:14am

  823. 823: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like saying: ok, I don’t want to attend a meeting anyway.
    A meeting with his friends at a ladies night, what a load of horsecr**p
    Meeting to look at women…ha ha ha.
    I feel angry and also amused and also ridiculed.
    Feels bad enough to know I don’t want this.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:17am

  824. 824: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    808: Femininewoman says:

    “Siren Angel I do not believe you “are the problem”.
    Most of us go around on autopilot, repeating the same patterns over and over again without taking a look at what we are doing. Without consciously loving, without consciously creating our lives. I believe your awareness is breaking that pattern. If not you would not have realized this and maybe would still be playing the victim and blaming every ex. You will change your reality.”

    Oh I so get that Femininewoman and feel in agreement with you. I want to consciously chose and create the best healthy loving relationships for me and carry on breaking free from my dysfunctional familiar unhealthy unconscious love imprint.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:17am

  825. 825: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …for that response he had to wait three days, btw.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:17am

  826. 826: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel mocked. I feel unsafe with this man now. I feel unsafe to share any feelings at all with this man.
    I want to say: go away.
    I want to say: have fun at your meetings.
    I want to say: I don’t need this.
    I feel angry.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:20am

  827. 827: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I want to write:
    ‘I had to laugh at the comment ‘this is a meeting not a date’ and whatever it is, meeting or date, I am no longer free on Wednesday.’

    Sorry for spamming. Jeez, he must have felt triggered by me saying I don’t want last minute plans.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:22am

  828. 828: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Tam.
    You have answered your own question honey.

    823: TamNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel like saying: ok, I don’t want to attend a meeting anyway.
    A meeting with his friends at a ladies night, what a load of horsecr**p
    Meeting to look at women…ha ha ha.
    I feel angry and also amused and also ridiculed.
    Feels bad enough to know I don’t want this.”

    I don’t want to attend a meeting with you and your friends at a ladies night.
    This feels bad to me, I don’t want this and I don’t want to feel bad I want to feel good.

    You then have the choice.
    Ask what he thinks, giving him the chance to step up or not.

    Or not to bother if you have already told him previously that you don’t want this.
    and not ask what he thinks just end it with so will be doing something to make myself feel good on Wednesday.

    Then make a plan to go and do something on wed that feels good.
    Hugs.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:26am

  829. 829: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    tam 827. It appears you have also answered to second part.

    which is to no longer be available now.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:29am

  830. 830: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sooo turned off. I have been trying so hard to be authentic with everybody I come into contact with and then to be mocked, it just hurts. It feels so bad. I don’t even want to see this man anymore.
    I don’t even want to stay in his condo, and wouldn’t even if this place burnt down and I had a whole lot of old men napping in my bed. I don’t want to be rescued even by a ‘friend’ who mocks me like this. I don’t even want to associate with anyone who feels the need to laugh at my honest feelings and statements. I am triggered by an elephant, not a mouse right now. AAAARGH.
    I feel so angry and mocked and ridiculed that I would hit him if he was in front of me now. How dare you to mock me?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:30am

  831. 831: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam sorry if this triggers you but if you really look at it there is no reason to feel angry. He told you he was packing up to go to Europe. If that is so I would imagine that he might be using the rest of time he has in Florida to touch base and meet up with old friends as much as possible.

    I believe if you are honest with yourself you might realize that you are wanting more, a date and looking at the fine print to see him inviting you to a date.

    I would not respond if I were wearing your shoes. Unless you want to say that you are only willing to meet for a proper date. Then again I believe you suggested after 5 p.m. yesterday was too late?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:32am

  832. 832: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    People treat us how we allow and teach them to.

    Once we walk away and no longer tolerate treatment that feels bad to us, those who treated usin a way that felt bad either step up and treat us better. Or we attract others who will treat us better.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:32am

  833. 833: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Annie – do you really think I should even answer this? I feel like ignoring.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:32am

  834. 834: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Tam “I don’t even want to see this man anymore.”

    You have your answer.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:34am

  835. 835: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I guess he assumes I would still be going and has accepted that he would be picking me up and everything, to him it’s no big deal to say ‘this is a meeting with my friends’
    I guess he will talk business with them while looking at women…but a meeting? So I see no sense why I should be at a business meeting with his friends anyway? The whole thing just feels ‘ick’ and makes no sense for me at all.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:34am

  836. 836: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((((Tam)))))))))))))))))))

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:39am

  837. 837: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “You don’t need me if you’re in this situation – just do what Meryl Street does!

    She lays it all on the line, lays her heart out there, says the truth, doesn’t blame him…and won’t settle for less than she wants – a whole, real marriage.”

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:39am

  838. 838: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW, a hug feels good right now.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:40am

  839. 839: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unsafe and turned off.
    I don’t want to lay anything on the line anymore, with other men yes, but with this one it seems just a waste of my precious time.
    It takes me so much energy to open myself up and then to be laughed at, well, that just puts me right back to square 1.
    It isn’t his fault, he thrives on the push/pull pattern, and he does not understand that this email triggered the sh** out of me. He has no intent on hurting me, it is just the way he is. But it doesn’t make me feel good. The feel bad now outweighs the feel good.
    I wonder if it is time to just totally ignore. That feels sad also.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:48am

  840. 840: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I believe also that he made a comment. Not necessarily invite so he might not be looking for a response to “keep you posted” as things might be changeable for him. It might be that he wants to warn you that if something comes up he might not be able to make it so he does not want to keep you hanging.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:50am

  841. 841: TamNo Gravatar says:

    840, yes FW, for sure. It is his way of saying, that the primary purpose of the evening is not to see me but to have that meeting, and I can tag along (to a boy’s night out).
    But if the boys fon’t come, he is not going to come all the 40 Miles one way.
    Well, too bad, I am not interested to be kept on a string, I am going to watch a movie with the old people at my Condo building, we have movie night.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:53am

  842. 842: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    So weird
    CF’s sister’s best friend randomly hit me up
    I feel his energy moving closer

    I must sound like a creepy stalker

    But I had a big smile on my face this morning with this knowing feeling, like “oh yes, this man will be back……”

    and I don’t have to DO anything. The universe always delivers what is right WHEN it is right.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:53am

  843. 843: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    it all started because he said, “well, are you the charioteer or are you the horse ? ”

    & THAT’S WHEN I SAID I’M ALLOWED TO YELL AT THE HORSES WHEN THEY’RE NOT OBEYING & i made a WhhCHHHHH whip sound. don’t mess. hehe : )

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 7:59am

  844. 844: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    thanks for the hugs

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:03am

  845. 845: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I guess in one full swoop he just told me and showed me everything I needed to know. In one sentence.
    I should feel grateful.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:05am

  846. 846: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla where is it that Rori says that men can kinda smell when other men around you? I am wondering if it is because your energy is vibrating where you intend to take the relationship with WarriorCD? Is this about trusting the law of how things are?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:06am

  847. 847: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    831: Femininewoman says:

    “Tam sorry if this triggers you but if you really look at it there is no reason to feel angry.”

    That’s arguing with reality FW.
    Feelings are feelings. And Tams feelings belong to her, she feels what she feels.
    To say someone shouldn’t feel what they feel or has no reason to is like telling grass it shouldn’t be green etc.

    In your eyes and from your perspective she has no reason, she is not you.
    In her eyes she is justified feeling angry.

    Tam the person you are really angry at is yourself for tolerating something you don’t want.

    Hugs.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:10am

  848. 848: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    Rori talks about it in Reconnect!

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:12am

  849. 849: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, I know:

    ‘Tam the person you are really angry at is yourself for tolerating something you don’t want.’

    Well, I ‘used to’, but I am no longer tolerating, that’s the point. It doesn’t matter what he does now, I do not want to see him or his buddies tonight. I even know right now if I want to see him at all, ever again.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:14am

  850. 850: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    “Tam sorry if this triggers you but if you really look at it there is no reason to feel angry.” That’s arguing with reality FW. Feelings are feelings. And Tams feelings belong to her, she feels what she feels.To say someone shouldn’t feel what they feel or has no reason to is like telling grass it shouldn’t be green etc.In your eyes and from your perspective she has no reason, she is not you.In her eyes she is justified feeling angry.

    I love this Annie! You really nailed it.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:14am

  851. 851: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    Rori,

    I am! : )

    hm, today i feel pretty good…. i do feel confused….. i know i’ve asked myself this before…

    crying ? i cry & cry sometimes & “you can’t help the relationship by being sad & depressed” …. but will i always cry like that ? i think i always have. i cried through the entire sex & the city movie & i didn’t even watch the show. & cd gets like…. appalled to see me cry like that. i bawl no matter what comes on NPR. i feel teary right now. is this hormones ? help

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:15am

  852. 852: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    833: Tam says:

    “Thank you Annie – do you really think I should even answer this? I feel like ignoring.”

    I don’t think you should or shouldn’t do anything.

    I believe if you go inwards and process these triggers, welcome and accept the anger, stay open to a higher place you will just know if it is best for you to ignore or respond in feeling messages and don’t wants etc.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:17am

  853. 853: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Annie I am not arguing with reality. I am also wondering why you are thanking me?

    I stand by my words there is no need for anger when we pay attention to our gut feelings. Also this is all practice to come face to face with ourselves. The “anger” feels powerful and for many of us it is likely just a lid over the true emotions. We at times get angry because of what we are thinking and it makes us feel powerful enough to blow through like a hurricane.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:18am

  854. 854: TamNo Gravatar says:

    831, FW, I am not going to respond at all.
    I wasn’t going to join them tonight in any case and certainly won’t now.
    I feel angry at the laughing comment, I would not have felt angry if he had told me ‘this is just a business meeting but it would be nice to see you too, as we haven’t seen in such a long time’. Then, I would not have felt angry.
    I felt anrgy at him suggesting I thought it was a date, which I didn’t. Saying I was free on Wednesday is not the same as saying ‘this is a date’. I did not like his twisting of my words and ridiculing me. There was no need.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:18am

  855. 855: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, what does this mean? :)
    “Is this about trusting the law of how things are?”

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:22am

  856. 856: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BTW Curvy those words are borrowed from Rori’s Reconnect and I totally agree with her.

    When we look through the lens of reality we see that there is no need to be angry. As Meryl Streep does, we just pack our bags and leave. As Rori says above when men are not on “automatic sexual” – and we’re so surprised when they don’t want to have sex”. I believe it is the same with dates. Should the man automatically want to date? Why would I be angry if he doesn’t?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:25am

  857. 857: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam what was the laughing comment?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:26am

  858. 858: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    853: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Annie I am not arguing with reality. I am also wondering why you are thanking me?”

    Feels best to agree to disagree with you on reality then FW. I reject your reality.
    Feel confused re thanking you.

    personally I love and welcome my anger and feel positive I need it.
    If I didn’t need it it wouldn’t exist.
    If you think that others have no need to get angry, that’s what you think. And that’s your reality. Like i said I reject that but understand and accept that you think that.
    It’s how I react in anger or rather how I have learned to react in anger that I want to get better at and continue to change.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:26am

  859. 859: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I post it all now:

    ‘couldn’t help but laugh at the comment – ‘I’m free so far on Wednesday’.. this a meeting, not a date..

    i’ll keep you posted.. ‘

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:28am

  860. 860: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    853
    FW
    with all due respect the thought “no need for anger…” sounds like spiritual bypassing, and it *is* arguing with reality to say there is no reason for it if has ocurred or is ocurring.

    If anger happens, then it was necessary. How do we know? Because it happened.

    It also implies that feelings need ‘reasons’, which is headlogic stuff. I feel curious and wonder if anger is difficult for you? I used to say stuff like that all of the time when I first started turning my anger inward and believing I was above it, so I concede it’s possible I am projecting.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:28am

  861. 861: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    the thing that cd was saying about his neighborhood & family & friendships…. i want to remember what it was. it felt very interesting to hear…. he was actually making a comment on socioeconomics & trust ? is that right ?… hm sometimes i have a really bad audio memory… but usually the concept will come back up for me saved like a painting in my memory & it will trigger the words again. sounds like i don’t have a great memory at all actually i’m finding for the specific words, esp words spoken when i feel emotional. that’s nice to notice. will take some of the venom out of any “stories” my poor memory might try to tell me lol : ) that’s actually very funny & amusing to me right now…. softening the edges of all my memories… why not ? hm. anyway… what was the point of what he was saying ? at one point he was simply saying, there’s not a bunch of Drama where i’m from; no one’s stealing anybody’s girlfriend or anything. lol …. why ?? that was not before i think, though. later he was saying… lol, it’s funny. i can see the picture that my mind saved, but it just doesn’t make any sense to me. lol… i must have left something out or something hahaha…. anyway it’s just a picture of kids, one girl with pigtails & overalls, like 5 guys, another girl with shorter hair or it’s pulled back & curly, the sun’s not “setting” but it’s late early evening or late late afternoon, sun looks all white & the bricks are tan & then across the street red & the kids are just kind of walking across the intersection together & their arms are swinging really gently, like you can tell how the cadence of their walk somehow agrees with the whole music of the moment. lol… i feel so curious. maybe i’ll remember later

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:30am

  862. 862: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I never mentioned anything about it being a date, simply said I was free Wednesday, that it would feel good to see him if there were concrete plans, as last minute doesn’t feel good.
    I also said that I would feel grateful and happy for being picked up.

    It’s actually strange that he should say about a ‘date’…so he is actually implying that all the other times we got together, when there were no other people involed, was a date? That in itself would be funny.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:30am

  863. 863: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I don’t feel competent enough to explain it but I take it to mean that the Universe/energy operates in an established way. As in when our vibe reaches a certain level or is a certain way it is felt in the ether and things around us shift without us doing anything because we are all one. So there is no way we alone can shift. That is how I understand it so although I don’t totally understand it I accept it as a belief because I imagine that Rori has seen a lot with her clients experiences.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:30am

  864. 864: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW but I do believe there are sometimes “reasons” to feel angry. Whether those are Rori’s words or someone else’s. It’s what we do with it, how we process it, how we let it help us grow…that matters. That’s my opinion. I was just agreeing with Annie that Tam is entitled to her feelings, no matter what they are. They will help her process and get to the other side of this…..

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:33am

  865. 865: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam I see what you are saying but I am wondering if he makes reference to laughing at the comment because he thinks you are free all the time right now, as you have just returned. You are not working now, are you?

    Maybe just an ouch at that comment could suffice? I am also thinking if he wants an official date maybe he would call, rather than text? In any event I think the important thing here is to turn it back to yourself to see why you are angry and ask yourself if there is anything under the anger. This is my two cents. It might be an unconscious beating up of yourself because of a belief that you have not uncovered as yet??!!

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:35am

  866. 866: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam also he says he is laughing at the comment. At least that is how I understand. Are you taking it personal as if he is laughing at you?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:37am

  867. 867: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Easy, magical, pattern-change in 3…2..1..
    This is from a book a friend of mine wrote, and considering she actually does live a magical, amazing, wonderful fun life I’m inclined to try out some of her methods (I don’t know why it took me so long but whatevah)…

    This can be used on any pattern, not just a health patter:

    Exercise: Changing a Health Pattern
    •Decide on the topic, such as back pain or allergies.
    •Allow your awareness to move out of your head and into your heart-space.
    •Ask the pattern that is creating your topic to emerge.
    •Notice that pattern however it shows up, letting go of your expectations of how you think it should look.
    •As you observe it, simply touch your awareness to the pattern. If it doesn’t immediately begin to change in your awareness, then you can suggest a change. Often a simple question, “Would you like to change?” is enough.
    •End the session, and then notice what seems different with your topic. Does the pain feel different? Does anything else in your experience seem different?

    Phoenix, Jaden Rose (2011-06-07). Beyond Human: Claiming the Power and Magic of Your Limitless Self

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:37am

  868. 868: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like a sitting duck.

    October rent is half paid. The phone is on the verge of shut off. The car insurance is on the verge of cancellation. I am most likely moving this month. Thank God, my friend from 1989 is going to pay my first month’s rent, and thank God, I have a low paying job working with children with medical conditions in their homes, starting Friday. But the job is an hour away, and I need to move immediately so I’m not chewing up half my paycheck in gas. And I don’t have help to move. And I don’t feel able to do it all myself. Especially not just with a station wagon.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:39am

  869. 869: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Did I say Tam you are not entitled to your feelings?

    hhhmmm words are powerful If there are no villains, is there any need to be angry?

    If I believe that I am loved. His energy is coming towards me. The waterwheel of love is coming at me. Do I need to be angry?

    If I am not invested in any particular outcome do I need to be angry?

    If I believe I have options. I am the one choosing. I am powerful. Do I need to be angry?

    I wonder what this brought up for me to heal? hhhmmm

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:41am

  870. 870: TamNo Gravatar says:

    866, FW, perhaps I don’t understand why it is funny for someone, when someone else says they are ‘free on Wednesday’?
    I say that all the time, to my gf also?
    Why is it laughable. I believe it was a ‘putting me into my place’.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:44am

  871. 871: TamNo Gravatar says:

    865 – FW I am busy, and have told him I am busy…yes, I am still working with my home country remotely

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:45am

  872. 872: TamNo Gravatar says:

    angry, mocked, rejected – all this is coming up here.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:48am

  873. 873: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 862 Tam what I am getting here is a kinda aha. Emotional intimacy begins with the willingness to speak up about our needs and talking with the man to see what he is seeing. What he wants to do so I can understand if we are on the same page. This has been my struggle also. I have been so afraid to hear a man’s truth because I want what I want my anger remained internalized so he knew it was there by my shaking when he held me. The truth though was that I was very sad and afraid that I was not going to get what I want. I am not saying it is the same with you, it is just that in retrospect I can now feel what my true feelings were.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:48am

  874. 874: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    860
    it *is* arguing with reality to say there is no reason for it if has ocurred or is ocurring.

    Correction:
    it *is* arguing with reality to say there is no NEED for it if has ocurred or is ocurring.

    If there’s a reason for anger, or for anything at all for that matter, I can’t speak to that :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:48am

  875. 875: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    So….I’ve been emailing some cds on match and now I feel stupid. My guy friend told me men would rather get a ” not interested” as match.com suggests than no response at all. So I clicked that option on a few people that winked at me. One came back and verbally assaulted me. “You’re lucky I winked at you. You’re a 7 out of 10. I’m too good for you anyway. You clicked not interested, who does that. That’s rude.”

    I was just trying to do what my friend said. I feel extremely hurt and more angry that I care what this one person thinks. Maybe online dating isn’t for me. I don’t like hurting people’s feelings.

    Jim and sirens, what do you think?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:49am

  876. 876: TamNo Gravatar says:

    873, FW maybe, I have to hear into myself for that.
    Right now I feel turned off at it all, at the fact that my attempts for authentic communication are laughed at, that words are being put in my mouth, and so on.

    I have been trying so hard to change my ways, and for me, it would have been better if he had said nothing. So it’s not about wanting something ‘from him’, or ‘him’, just that I want to be respected by my friends also, which he claims he is.
    There was a lack of respect in that reply, even if I only perceive it to be so. I feel disrespected and ridiculed. Not good enough even for friendship. If I did not know him well…..and know that there is a good person there, I would be very judgmental at this point.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:54am

  877. 877: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – what do I think?

    blah blah blah You are experimenting. Practicing. One man said one thing. Another said something else. This guy have issues with himself. You choose what you want to experience. Can you imagine what he might have said in your face if you were in front of him? As a coach says “these rejections are God’s protection”.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:58am

  878. 878: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really curious about the correlation some see between someone laughing and assuming that means they are being mocked. I wonder what that is all about.

    I like to laugh for no reason at all, simply because it is healthy and feels good.

    I looooove smiling and laughing. I’m considering taking laughter yoga teacher training.

    I feel confused as to why some see it as a negative thing or take it personally (I also wonder how to politely communicate that the phrase is ‘take it personally’ not personal. How does on share that without coming across as making another wrong? So many questions)

    Now I’m remembering, I did have a situation last night where my friend laughed when I was sharing something kind of painful. I asked why she was laughing and she told me.

    Hmmmm, I feel so curious about the dynamics of all of this.

    (((Humans)))

    All I know is, I love to laugh and I don’t want to stop although I feel sad that some people get triggered by it. I wonder though, at what point is that their stuff to work out?

    And this whole concept of mocking is new to me. It’s not a word that people generally have used in my social circles.

    Oh, I feel perplexed. I want to understand the subtle dynamics of what makes us all tick. And I want to be true to mysel and not change who I am just so that others don’t have to deal with their triggers.

    That’s what it really boils down to, I don’t want to be blamed for another’s triggers.

    Mmmmm, now I’m getting somewhere.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 8:59am

  879. 879: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((((((((Tam))))))))))))))))))

    That is totally understandable. Now you can turn your back to pain and recommit to your happiness.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:00am

  880. 880: new sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily

    Winks are very impersonal and take no time I think alot of people just go thru the pics and wink at a lot of girls.I wouldnt bother to send out not interested.If it were me I would rather no response from a guy then a not interested as it triggers feelings of rejection. just my thoughts.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:01am

  881. 881: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    FW
    “Did I say Tam you are not entitled to your feelings?”

    Nope you invalidated them by saying ” there is no need”

    there is no need in your eyes.
    That’s seeing it from your POV and perspective.
    Not Tams POV and perspective of where she is at and what really happened and what she really felt.

    She really felt angry.
    Her real feelings her reality.
    That really happened.

    And to dismiss another persons feelings by telling them they have no reason is making their feelings wrong.

    Like I said I can understand why you think ” there is no reason in your eyes for another person to feel angry. And I can accept that you think that.
    I just don’t agree with your thoughts on this issue.

    We each have different thoughts and different feelings.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:01am

  882. 882: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmm, blame

    The vibration of blame.

    One of the top indicators of divorce and my old friend. Yes blame, I know you well.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:01am

  883. 883: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, you know what I really feel? I feel shock vibes from him about my ‘change’ and that his laughing is angry laughing at my boundaries. That’s how it feels.
    That feels painful but in the end it’s good for me.
    Like I said before, if my boundaries turn him away, good riddance. I really mean it.
    I feel grateful for the pushing away because I don’t want what he has to offer right now.
    He can keep his crumbs and feed them to the pigeons. I don’t need them anymore.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:02am

  884. 884: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    879: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((((((((Tam))))))))))))))))))

    That is totally understandable. Now you can turn your back to pain and recommit to your happiness.

    I love this.

    I feel inspired and in agreement with that.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:04am

  885. 885: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam that feels powerful

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:08am

  886. 886: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Tam says: no last minute plans
    MrP contacts her on the day saying: ‘I’ll keep you posted’

    No need to keep me posted: ‘no last minute plans’

    He does not believe me and is still testing my boundaries. I feel exasperated. And I will stick to my boundaries.

    Thank you everybody :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:09am

  887. 887: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I just uncovered one of my beliefs

    Anger is like cancer in the bones.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:09am

  888. 888: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Also, not quite “there” yet with Warrior. I’ve got a bit of a speech for him.

    i’m going to tell him that sometimes he says things to me that really give me the just friends vibe, and sometimes he says things that give me romantic vibes, and i’m happy to be a supportive friend for as long as we know each other but that i don’t like feeling confused and unadored in any romantic situation
    so maybe we SHOULD just be friends
    ———–

    ladies, i have put a lot of thought and processing into this and while i do want to find a sexual relationship where i can explore and open up without getting overly emotionally attached, this doesn’t QUITE feel right. I don’t feel totally confident in it. So I’m going to talk to him about this on our next date, and see where the conversation goes.

    i feel really unattached to outcome. well, except for the outcome where i feel safe and comfortable no matter what happens:)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:09am

  889. 889: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so jazzed to see the concept of arguing with reality being brought up as it feels so deep, powerful, and transformational.

    Mmmmmm, yummy!!!

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:12am

  890. 890: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    *and i’m happy to be a supportive friend for as long as we know each other but that i don’t like feeling confused and unadored in any romantic situation, even if i’m not feeling terribly concerned about getting ‘serious’

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:13am

  891. 891: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily I feel agreement with new siren.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:13am

  892. 892: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    I love how you take care of you.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:13am

  893. 893: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 878 hhhhmmm LG. Really deep.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:18am

  894. 894: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, Annie and everybody else, thanks for pushing up my bum, while I struggled with my short legs to get back onto my horse…I am off riding again :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:19am

  895. 895: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    That was my original thought but I llistened to my friend. I wish I could take back the other ones I sent. Winks are impersonal, I think that is why I was shocked at his reaction .

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:19am

  896. 896: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious to know if other sirens feel capable of looking at the male presence as an opportunity to practice saying whatever we want to say in spit of the didcomfort feelings…

    What Jim has to say doesn’t bother me so much as he is a reminder of how exposed we are bearing our souls here.

    And I would like to commend every woman here because it takes courage to do this.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:20am

  897. 897: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE the laughing think I remember feeling triggered by my son’s laughing last night. Both myself and my daughter were triggered by it. Many times I experience it as disrespectful and I tell him so. But he does not seem to understand.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:21am

  898. 898: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    As Rori says ride like the wind. Everything starts new and fresh in each moment.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:23am

  899. 899: TamNo Gravatar says:

    897 FW, interesting.
    However, MrP knows what he is doing. If I didn’t know him and his intelligence and awareness so well, I wouldn’t feel disrespected…it was a deliberate dig at me. The usual pattern. Soon, he will feel sorry and try to ‘make up’.
    I feel nauseous of this pattern.
    I am opting out.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:23am

  900. 900: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily I wonder what the message is?
    How easy are you to be influenced by other people?
    Do you trust yourself, your intuition?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:24am

  901. 901: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix 896

    I feel up for looking at it that way.

    Where do I sign up?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:27am

  902. 902: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have a cd who likes to tease and poke fun. I have shared with him that I feel ridiculed at times. He tells me life is just for living and fun. He will stop the laughing and try to explain that he was not laughing at me but at times it feels to like in doing so he is shutting himself down.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:27am

  903. 903: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lilly,

    875 – I have tried it both ways, and I have found it most easy to not respond at all, when it is an initial contact like that. But he is the rude one, not you!

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:29am

  904. 904: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    LG

    Excellent! :)

    I feel happy to read this!

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:29am

  905. 905: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unsure of what is going on but I’ve been feeling a deep sense of peace lately. Even when I might feel shaken up on the surface, I can feel the still, deep waters within.

    I also feel hungry. I’ve been fantasizing about my breakfast…sprouted corn tortillas cooked in coconut oil, tipped with pepper jack cheese and possibly salsa, maybe even scrambled quail eggs.

    Time to make this a reality.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:31am

  906. 906: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    And now that I have scrolled down it would seem most are already doing this.

    I just hope there are no sirens sitting out too uncomfortable to post…

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:31am

  907. 907: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Not my first choice for breakie but I have to get creative with what I’ve got.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:31am

  908. 908: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    896:

    MissStix,

    The way I see it:
    If I can’t be comfortable being open and authentic in Jim’s presence, being a total stranger who I will very unlikely ever see in person, then how can I expect to be comfortable being open & authentic on a date or with my dream man.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:32am

  909. 909: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    woah an (important, who i loved dearly) ex from yearsss ago just hit me up

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:33am

  910. 910: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My bootie is back! Yah! Rock it!

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:33am

  911. 911: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW 902

    Have you looked at your own triggers in the situation. I feel concerned to hear you ‘psychoanalyzing’ him rather than looking at your own triggers and feelings as this is a no-no in Rori’s book.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:34am

  912. 912: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    896 – “What Jim has to say doesn’t bother me so much as he is a reminder of how exposed we are bearing our souls here.

    And I would like to commend every woman here because it takes courage to do this.”

    Right on! Remember when I helped Erika Awakening coordinate her free tapping phone seminar a couple years ago? Several men came out of the woodwork from the blog, wanting to participate. I would guess there are several men following the blog silently at any given time.

    The fact is, this is a public internet place. There really is no confidentiality here.

    About Jim, the fact is, I feel as safe with him emotionally as I do most of my girlfriends. And I have discussed some pretty raw stuff with him by email and telephone. Maybe I never met him personally, but I feel a huge amount of trust in him. He is just finding his way after some deep hurt, just like most of the rest of us.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:36am

  913. 913: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    911 cont. I’ve also had really not good results when I have done that with men…psychoanalyze their intentions.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:36am

  914. 914: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    He doesn’t experience it as psychoanalyzing LG. As a matter of fact this is the one cd that I am the closet with. He says he appreciates my openness and honesty. We share everything. He is emotionally open, will share his triggers and stuff from the male playbook. It is the one person who I will be spontaneous with and don’t feel judged by to be my raw self. He says the same things to me.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:38am

  915. 915: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    FW and LG

    I’m feeling curious and wondering about laughing myself, now. I’m thinking of a friend who reacted violently not that long ago while feeling extremely vulnerable and in pain, to his partner’s laughter.

    Feeling into it, it feels like attachment to the pain, protecting the pain is what feels worse on top of the pain. What I’m imagining is, if someone is laughing at me and I can shake it off, then it’s funny, too. The energy rolls through in a release of laughter, too.
    Yet if I feel attached to the pain, contracted around it, protective of it, it feels so bad and I imagine reacting with anger or shutting down.

    What do you think?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:39am

  916. 916: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove

    I forget the comment number now but RE: The job…

    He would not be moving away for this job, but it would require him to be gone on a 2 weeks away, 1 week home rotation for 2 years.

    Anyways..He’s not 100% sure he wants to do it now. It is a very tough schedule of 11 hour days 14 days in a row. His roommate is encouraging him though…And me. He is the one telling me how much it pays etc. G never told me…I can only assume why.

    But hypothetically..If he does do this job I don’t know what I would do. Do I feel strong enough to stick by him for those 2 years? Yes…Probably. But would it be right for me? I don’t know…

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:40am

  917. 917: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    That feels refreshing to hear, FW.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:40am

  918. 918: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbean – 804 – So sorry about your gf. Sayings evolve for a good reason. There is often a lot of truth therein. In this case, if it’s seems to good to be true, it usually is.

    That said though, I still suggest remaining open to and curious about any and all. The more open actually, the more aware, so episodes like hers will be likely not arise.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:43am

  919. 919: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m avoiding going downstairs and making food because my friend is down there. She has been staying with us for a few days and while I do love her, I could really use some personal space and a quiet, easy morning.

    Morning times are my special time where I really like to be alone.

    I feel bad about communicating that to her.

    And I feel sad that I am neglecting my hunger because of this.

    Awwww (((LG))), I will take care of you.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:46am

  920. 920: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m extremely influenced by other people. I would so much rather not to give a %#@$ than care. I hate being wrong and I hate hurting other people.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:47am

  921. 921: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Belle 915

    That really makes a lot of sense to me.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:50am

  922. 922: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Has anyone here ever taken a laughter yoga class?

    I’ve never taken one and I feel so curious.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:52am

  923. 923: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Belle I don’t know. There are times and certain people where I can laugh at myself. There are others when I can’t. The context at times makes a diffeence. Right now I feel open to accepting what people says is their reason for laughing.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:58am

  924. 924: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    miss stix, i know a few women who are dating men with that job. honestly, the one girl who’s closest to me – she just got engaged – she sounds like she finds it pretty romantic. 2 weeks away & 1 week together ? is that it ? you would have a lot of time for yourself : )) my friend is a mother & she bakes & rides horses : ))) her boyfriend is very sweet & picks her up for lunches when he’s home & takes her out & it sounds fun, although difficult i’d assume. she lives with family, so she’s not lonely or without support. just sharing : ) do you have room for studio space in the house you share with your brother ? feeling very curious lol & i notice i’m judging myself as “nosy” haha : ) sorry if it feels “too close”

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:02am

  925. 925: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I ate bear ‘slim Jim’

    Yum I’m a mama bear

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:02am

  926. 926: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yum Laughter Yoga. Yo Quiero too

    Hyperbole n a half was my laughter yoga. Till she got depressed and stopped. (((((Hyperbole girl woman ))$$))

    Also Damn you auto correct. But that one feels a bit annoying to read in new format now. Not as much intense rolling waves of laughter.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:09am

  927. 927: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Also old best friend was everyday belly laughs

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:10am

  928. 928: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Jim, so sorry I didn’t make this clear at the beginning. There are guidelines for posting in the sidebar – that everyone has to follow in order to keep the blog an emotionally safe place – and, perhaps I didn’t let you know that you are “special,” though I thought I’d written a reply to your first comment that explained all of this – sorry if I wasn’t clear.

    I do NOT allow men on this blog, but I gave you a chance because you are so clearly a good man, and so caring and thoughtful. But, no, you don’t belong here as much as Daria and any of the other women of this feminine community. Not even close.

    In fact, this is not a public blog for all. It’s for women. For women who are working with my Tools. I heavily monitor it. So sorry I didn’t make that clear, and didn’t coach you on the guidelines before things became a bit heated. Thank you so much for your time and input, and I totally encourage you to find blogs out there who work with both women AND men.

    I’m sorry to take back your permission to post, but I have yet to invite a man in who lasted even as long as you have! I hope you’ll respect my wishes here, and not take this personally – again, your input is appreciated, and you lasted longer than nearly any other man so far – even the coaches… and I know you would be deeply welcomed all over the web. Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:12am

  929. 929: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Jim – also – if you feel a need for some kind of closure, I’m asking my assistant to write to you, and if you want to get anything off your chest, please feel free to reply to her. I’ll read anything you write. I do respect your intentions and your writing very much. Rori

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:14am

  930. 930: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla!
    Ooh la la…
    What have you been eating, doing, praying? :-)
    Your world is shifting in a really good way

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:18am

  931. 931: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:19am

  932. 932: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, you know, MrP and I share a lot of laughs and humour together, but it’s different and non-personal. That’s why we get on so well, we like intelligent humour and laughs.
    This is different.
    It’s deliberate, with intent to harm. He knows me well enough and he has done it before. He will try to laugh ‘at’ me, not with me when he is angry.
    Example:
    One time he spent the night at my place and I said boundary was ‘no sex’. He grumbled but was ok, it was a lovely night.
    Next day we meet a common friend and he says loudly: ‘you won’t believe what I had to go through last night. I had to sleep in a bed next to this fine woman here and there was no sex. Did that ever happen to you? Hahahahaha!!’
    I was put out but not offended…but he KNEW that it was the wrong thing to say because he called me later and said ‘I was out of order, I guess and shouldn’t have said that. It was a lovely night’.
    So he knows what he is doing.
    That makes me feel even worse. It’s not naivety, he is not naive. At all.
    I feel soooooo turned off.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:24am

  933. 933: TamNo Gravatar says:

    He is angry at my boundaries and fighting them. This makes me feel less angry and more smiley. He believes he can contact me last minute and I will drop my boundaries for him, like I used to do.
    No man is worth not respecting myself.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:27am

  934. 934: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori!

    Also I feel a little lost, Im searching for the guidelines on the sidebar… anyone know where to find those?

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:27am

  935. 935: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori our protective hero! Swoon lol

    I want to feel comfortable swooning with a man

    actually i think i am… hehehee

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:28am

  936. 936: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam thanks for sharing that story. If I am to be honest what I got from it was him maybe feeling insecure, rejected, not good enough and nervous. I have an experience with a family member whose husband would not have sex with her at one point in time. I was shocked when she walked into the living room and announced that he would not because there were so many of us there. What can I tell you? People have different ways of dealing with their frustrations/rejections.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:29am

  937. 937: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aha! He is experiencing her as different. comes to mind. I feel curious to see what happens and if he steps up

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:36am

  938. 938: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i remember my parents saying “why do you keep saying feel feel when i first started. we don’t talk that way”

    now we do :)

    lol

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:37am

  939. 939: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, you hit the nail on the head – do you know MrP?
    In one of his more lucid moments he has told me that he is scared of aging and not being desirable and that he feels he is being rejected by me (because of my boundaries). (So he rejecs first – stupid dance)

    I realise now also why the reference of a ‘date’ by him. He never ever mentions that word really. But he knows I am dating other men. I did not tell him but he can find out easily by speaking to our common friends and sniffing around fb etc. And he is a spy.
    So now, I can just feel his anger through the ‘laugh’, hence he took a stab at me.

    I feel stupid for saying it, but I do know he has feelings for me. I am making the assumption that they might be stronger than mine. But that does not change the fact that he does not see relationship as something easy/good for him – right now and possibly for a long time before now and in the future. I can’t change that and I need to look after myself here. I am number one, and I can do relationship. I can’t do this silly dance of rejection and pullin close anymore though. Feeling bored with it and hopeless.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:40am

  940. 940: TamNo Gravatar says:

    938, Daria, that’s cool…and reminds me of my Dad averting his eyes when I used a feeling message. He was very uncomfy.
    The relationship imroved a tiny bit after that though.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:42am

  941. 941: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    923
    FW
    I laughed at myself and feel lighter now.
    I was totally overthinking it :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:43am

  942. 942: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I do know he has feelings for me” – I believe so too Tam.

    “Feeling bored with it and hopeless” – deep. Really deep.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:45am

  943. 943: TamNo Gravatar says:

    942 :)

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 10:51am

  944. 944: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,
    Aw that is so nice to read… but what makes you say that? haha

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 11:09am

  945. 945: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I feel gigly reading number 11

    The 11 Human Rights

    You have the right to do anything as long as you do not purposely hurt someone else and you are willing to accept the consequences.
    You have the right to maintain your self-respect by answering honestly even it does hurt someone else (as long as you are being assertive rather than aggressive)
    You have the right to be what you are without changing your ideas or behavior to satisfy someone else.
    You have the right to strive for self-actualization (to be all you can be).
    You have the right to use your own judgment as to the need priorities of yourself and others, if you decide to accept any responsibility for another’s problem.
    You have the right not to be subjected to negativity.
    You have the right to offer no excuses or justification for your decisions or behavior.
    You have the right not to care.
    You have the right to be illogical.
    You have the right to change your mind.
    You have the right to defend yourself.

    http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com/stand-up-for-yourself-with-the-11-human-rights/

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 11:10am

  946. 946: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    That is an insane schedule he would have to work! That would be really hard on both of you.

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 11:11am

  947. 947: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will either find yourself or lose yourself.” ~A Course In Miracles

    http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com/dating-advice-how-to-make-even-the-worst-date-special/

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 11:12am

  948. 948: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Here is an interesting article about gaslighting.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hedayat/a-message-to-women-from-a_1_b_958859.html

    Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 11:17am