Comments on: Dealing With Jealousy… http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Sun, 14 Mar 2010 19:14:11 +0000 hourly 1 By: Bliss http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-31521 Bliss Mon, 08 Mar 2010 06:03:16 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-31521 So many posts that too can add my story too.. I was never a jealous person, but I have become one since my man of 17years dropped a bomb shell a few years back he wanted out.. Now I am very jealous of any friend, male/female. We are trying to work things thru, to no avail. He spends more time away with work, or watching sport with his mates. We have not been on a date or a romantic dinner in 3 years. The other week he went to a mates to watch footy , then just decided to go out later ( it was planned) and ended up at a pub where a female accquaintance was having her birthday. So he hung out with her for the night. Tried to keep it a secret from me, cause he wanted to help her celebrate her birthday and help make her night special. That make the green eye'd monster come out in me, like you would not believe, he buys them gifts, personal ones - jewellery perfume etc. I his partner of 17years and 3 children. He has never done that for me. I had just had my own birthday - a mile stone one and a hard one for allot of people. He didn't buy me a gift or get me a card. Was grumpy the whole day of my birthday no kiss or hug, at the restaurant with my family he changes seats from sitting next to me to move across to the otherside of the table. It truly broke my heart. he went to bed at 8pm saying he was tired. The next night was New Year .. he like everyone else they saves themselves for this night and he went and partied hard with his friends ..... So many posts that too can add my story too..

I was never a jealous person, but I have become one since my man of 17years dropped a bomb shell a few years back he wanted out..

Now I am very jealous of any friend, male/female.
We are trying to work things thru, to no avail.
He spends more time away with work, or watching sport with his mates.

We have not been on a date or a romantic dinner in 3 years.
The other week he went to a mates to watch footy , then just decided to go out later ( it was planned) and ended up at a pub where a female accquaintance was having her birthday. So he hung out with her for the night. Tried to keep it a secret from me, cause he wanted to help her celebrate her birthday and help make her night special.

That make the green eye’d monster come out in me, like you would not believe, he buys them gifts, personal ones – jewellery perfume etc.

I his partner of 17years and 3 children. He has never done that for me.

I had just had my own birthday – a mile stone one and a hard one for allot of people. He didn’t buy me a gift or get me a card. Was grumpy the whole day of my birthday no kiss or hug, at the restaurant with my family he changes seats from sitting next to me to move across to the otherside of the table. It truly broke my heart.
he went to bed at 8pm saying he was tired. The next night was New Year .. he like everyone else they saves themselves for this night and he went and partied hard with his friends …..

]]> By: Trisha http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-20385 Trisha Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:25:21 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-20385 "Jealousy is rotteness to the bone" It is an emotion that causes a great deal of anger in me. My man has been a professional singer who started his own band in CA back 20 years ago. He sang on stage with the Temptations at one time too. Have any idea what it's like to be in the audience and have woman swooning and "ooing" and "ahhing" over him while he's singing? How it feels to have big bosomed woman pressing themselves into his body for hugs when they see him when we walk into a club? i'm attractive in my own right and can even sing myself yet with him, he's well dressed, handsome and very "innocent" around the crowds. I feel like i just disappear and become invisible. There are so many times the women come right up to our table and totally ignore me and talk directly to him saying how much they loved the song he sang or what a great singer he is. For me i get angry and insecure bec he can have his pick of woman. Jealousy is one of the more scarey emotions that need more skills to be able to deal with it. It literally is "fear of loss" and when men seem to do whatever they want, whenever they want...in their wrongness they turn it all around on the woman like we are the "crazy ones" surely, it's NOT them right? “Jealousy is rotteness to the bone” It is an emotion that causes a great deal of anger in me. My man has been a professional singer who started his own band in CA back 20 years ago. He sang on stage with the Temptations at one time too. Have any idea what it’s like to be in the audience and have woman swooning and “ooing” and “ahhing” over him while he’s singing? How it feels to have big bosomed woman pressing themselves into his body for hugs when they see him when we walk into a club? i’m attractive in my own right and can even sing myself yet with him, he’s well dressed, handsome and very “innocent” around the crowds. I feel like i just disappear and become invisible. There are so many times the women come right up to our table and totally ignore me and talk directly to him saying how much they loved the song he sang or what a great singer he is. For me i get angry and insecure bec he can have his pick of woman. Jealousy is one of the more scarey emotions that need more skills to be able to deal with it. It literally is “fear of loss” and when men seem to do whatever they want, whenever they want…in their wrongness they turn it all around on the woman like we are the “crazy ones” surely, it’s NOT them right?

]]> By: la la land http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-19822 la la land Wed, 04 Nov 2009 09:47:30 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-19822 the ironic of our situation is that officially i cheated first. i had a small [one time] overlap with a roommate i use to sleep with when i met my husband. even though that roommate is long time dead unfortunately, and we picked ourselves up and became a family. that panic i went through when realizing what just happened... i think that made him right and me wrong for the rest of our life, i probably lost all my powers then. the day he pooled back on me, i lost all my self respect and went after him like a wounded animal. but i shell reinvent myself, and let gone be gone. its siren time. the ironic of our situation is that officially i cheated first.
i had a small [one time] overlap with a roommate i use to sleep with when i met my husband.
even though that roommate is long time dead unfortunately, and we picked ourselves up and became a family. that panic i went through when realizing what just happened… i think that made him right and me wrong for the rest of our life, i probably lost all my powers then. the day he pooled back on me, i lost all my self respect and went after him like a wounded animal.
but i shell reinvent myself, and let gone be gone.
its siren time.

]]> By: la la land http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-19821 la la land Wed, 04 Nov 2009 09:09:13 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-19821 now you got me working, in this relationship i am the jealous partner this pushed him away from me very efficiently in the early years it made him cut off relationship he wanted with female friends etc, then he hide them [ ended in a big drama with actual affairs over a year time] lately, he just keeps in touch with whom ever, tries to be open about it, as he is not afraid of loosing the marriage, this became an option for us. all this are part of who he is now and in a way he defines his territory with their presence. im paying for so many mistake i cant tell the difference anymore. i want a fresh start, but i guess that means focusing on myself, well i do, i have few success at work and looks and so on but in a way i suffer. self dating is no fun, i did two trips by myself and it was hard. i felt as a total stranger. i dont know how to have fun, im better at 'function' and 'waiting'. i think i have to focus on that. 'get a life' is what he usually say to me. many times he told me he knows i will be better off him, but the challenge is to do both. emancipate me and stay together. now you got me working,
in this relationship i am the jealous partner
this pushed him away from me very efficiently
in the early years it made him cut off relationship he wanted with female friends etc,
then he hide them [ ended in a big drama with actual affairs over a year time]
lately, he just keeps in touch with whom ever, tries to be open about it, as he is not afraid of loosing the marriage, this became an option for us. all this are part of who he is now and in a way he defines his territory with their presence.
im paying for so many mistake i cant tell the difference anymore.
i want a fresh start, but i guess that means focusing on myself, well i do, i have few success at work and looks and so on but in a way i suffer. self dating is no fun, i did two trips by myself and it was hard. i felt as a total stranger.
i dont know how to have fun, im better at ‘function’ and ‘waiting’. i think i have to focus on that. ‘get a life’ is what he usually say to me.
many times he told me he knows i will be better off him, but the challenge is to do both. emancipate me and stay together.

]]> By: la la land http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-19790 la la land Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:35:42 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-19790 thank you rori , im looking forward to it. thank you rori , im looking forward to it.

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-19785 Rori Raye Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:15:30 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-19785 la la - there is a big difference between not allowing jealousy to run you - and tolerating situations you shouldn't be tolerating. I'm going to jump off into a post, here...Love, Rori la la – there is a big difference between not allowing jealousy to run you – and tolerating situations you shouldn’t be tolerating. I’m going to jump off into a post, here…Love, Rori

]]> By: la la land http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-19752 la la land Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:42:40 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-19752 well hi rori im going to write on this page today because i am on the jealousy train again. before i was threatened divorce my husband found his ex on the internet and they have been in touch ever since. working your way i decided to out-girl her and not fall on the jealousy trap. but i find it hard, he says i should be happy for him for having such a friend but i cant really. i feel i lost here. i got my life together better then ever, i started driving im working more doing so good, but this is too much, i want to quit. i know i should focus on my fun but.. well hi rori
im going to write on this page today because i am on the jealousy train again.
before i was threatened divorce my husband found his ex on the internet
and they have been in touch ever since.
working your way i decided to out-girl her and not fall on the jealousy trap.
but i find it hard, he says i should be happy for him for having such a friend but i cant really. i feel i lost here.
i got my life together better then ever, i started driving im working more doing so good, but this is too much, i want to quit. i know i should focus on my fun but..

]]> By: Miriam http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-19094 Miriam Tue, 27 Oct 2009 23:43:48 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-19094 Thank you so much Rory! Thank you so much Rory!

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-19068 Rori Raye Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:19:56 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-19068 Miriam - you got it with the "maybe I should try to have fun and met other men like Circular Dating." If you were here, I'd grab you, hug you and read you the riot act for being exclusively involved with a man who not only doesn't have his ring on your finger - he isn't even in your presence!!! Long-distance sucks, and unless you're married to the man and he's overseas in the service -- I see absolutely no rationale for being exclusive. Period. Love, rori Miriam – you got it with the “maybe I should try to have fun and met other men like Circular Dating.” If you were here, I’d grab you, hug you and read you the riot act for being exclusively involved with a man who not only doesn’t have his ring on your finger – he isn’t even in your presence!!! Long-distance sucks, and unless you’re married to the man and he’s overseas in the service — I see absolutely no rationale for being exclusive. Period. Love, rori

]]> By: Miriam http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/jealousy/dealing-with-jealousy/comment-page-1/#comment-18964 Miriam Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:06:31 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=55#comment-18964 Dear Rory, I have a long-distance-relationship since one year with my boyfriend. He has a lot of girls as friends in his circle of friends. Especially one girl he feels "soulmate" with. Three weeks ago he met her with three other woman and they celebrated her birthday the whole night long and slept together at her flat. After that we phoned an he said as I asked him if he canoodled her (what I shouldn´t have asked) that there was nothing. I said to him that I am jealous. He said he loves me and decided to be with me but he also needs her as a friend. now as he calls me every evening, i am always a bit afraid and askant about our relationship. Last sunday I again asked if he has been ever in love with her ( as he often tells from her when we talk) but he said they once talked about having a relationship but decided that the chemistry wasn´t rihgt. It´s a bit confusing for me. One time he talks about her and says how he likes her an other time he says he loves me (what I try to believe) and wants to be with me. I know I have less self-esteem and, Rory, I maybe should try to have fun and meet other man like circular dating. How can I be more relaxed when he calls in the evenings ( I´m most of the time a bit anxious before he calls, ´cause I think I have to be "in a good mood" and most of the time I am jealous or a bit depressed)??? I try to think of " leaning back " and cuddle my pillow when he calls, it helps a bit. Greetings, Miriam Dear Rory,
I have a long-distance-relationship since one year with my boyfriend. He has a lot of girls as friends in his circle of friends. Especially one girl he feels “soulmate” with. Three weeks ago he met her with three other woman and they celebrated her birthday the whole night long and slept together at her flat. After that we phoned an he said as I asked him if he canoodled her (what I shouldn´t have asked) that there was nothing. I said to him that I am jealous. He said he loves me and decided to be with me but he also needs her as a friend.
now as he calls me every evening, i am always a bit afraid and askant about our relationship. Last sunday I again asked if he has been ever in love with her ( as he often tells from her when we talk) but he said they once talked about having a relationship but decided that the chemistry wasn´t rihgt. It´s a bit confusing for me. One time he talks about her and says how he likes her an other time he says he loves me (what I try to believe) and wants to be with me.
I know I have less self-esteem and, Rory, I maybe should try to have fun and meet other man like circular dating.
How can I be more relaxed when he calls in the evenings ( I´m most of the time a bit anxious before he calls, ´cause I think I have to be “in a good mood” and most of the time I am jealous or a bit depressed)??? I try to think of ” leaning back ” and cuddle my pillow when he calls, it helps a bit.
Greetings, Miriam

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