A Movie Recommendation For Your Love Life

I loved this – available to rent:

“Happy Thank You More Please”

Look for :

…the vulnerability of one of the female characters and her ability to speak and riff…

…the quality of the men….these are what you want (all except for one…)

…the beliefs we have about what we want that are keeping us from happiness…and a Tool to turn that around for yourself…

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

1,240 Comments to “A Movie Recommendation For Your Love Life”

1: April Rose says:

ooh, thanks.
love movies.

looking forward to the teleclass tonight

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 7:34am
2: Calypso says:

I’ll check it out

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 7:54am
3: Calypso says:

My date with JC on Friday night was fun. We went to dinner and then to an outdoor country bar where there was a bad playing. We laughed and danced and kissed like teenagers.

He kept teasing me saying he could tell i liked him by the twinkle in my eyes and the smile on my face. I teased him back by saying, “I don’t NOT like you” . . . Lol. Or, “I might like you a little bit” – stuff like that.

He took me back to his place and tried to make out with me on the couch, but I started to feel a little panic in my chest and asked him to take me home. He wants to se me again. I will go out with him again, but I still feel that hint of anxiety when I think about it – I can tell he likes me a lot already and I DO NOT want a relationship with him – I have a couple other guys on POF who are asking me out and I want to go out with them too. I don’t want JC to move too fast and assume we are a couple. Trying to keep him from getting to close is of course making him want to persue me even more . . . lol. Figures.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:00am
4: Calypso says:

I rented a cabin this weekend for my son’s USMC Boot Camp Party and the journal they had on the fireplace mantel for people who stay there to write in had this quote on the inside front cover – It made me cry like a baby tyhinking of GM – it’s what I always say, he’s not a perfect man, just perfect for me. Except he isn’t, because he does not want to be with me

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the mos…t you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry. He’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ~ Bob Marley

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:07am
5: Emerson says:

Hi sirens
Dancing Siren from other thread…i feel excited for you and your plans to sell your flat and buy a motorhome! How exciting!!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:21am
6: Iamabutterfly says:

so, this time I felt disappointed when I thought I was going to see him and didn’t. it actually feels nice to feel disappointed. it feels normal. it feels how I’m supposed to feel about someone I care about.

I’ve been feeling really sad and really regretful. and I’m trying to just let myself feel it all. It’s okay. I didn’t know any better. I had so much grief and anger built up and I was so afraid to feel it myself, let alone express those feelings to a man and let myself feel those things in his prescence.

I feel so dumb that so much about relationships hasn’t “clicked” for me until very recently.

I want to believe there’s a reason for it. Like maybe those men that I loved in my past would never be capable of understanding the depth of my love, my pain, and my rage. (and part of me feels sad knowing that it wasn’t really necessary for them to “understand.”)

Perhaps a man in my future (and maybe even one in the here and now) will just get it. Especially as I open my heart to him and communicate my feelings.

Like right now, around this one guy who I DO feel understands, I feel so scared, nervous, angry, and sad around him. I feel afraid to tell him, because those feelings are not his fault or a result of any of his actions.

I ended up running into him (why does that always happen?) and I felt so surprised and shocked and scared.

crazy, but I ended up standing in the doorway of the office where he works.

and he was sitting there working like an angel, and I was standing there in his doorway, feeling so surprised and in awe that my mouth was gaping open and he was just so sweet and asked me if he could help me. and then he did help me. he got up from his seat and walked me to where I needed to go.

I felt so relieved and comforted and taken care of when he did that. I felt like the balance was somehow restored. Like he felt like a man helping me like that, and I felt like a woman, being helped.

It felt nice.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:19am
7: Radlove says:

What an encouraging way to start my day: I was laying in bed about to get up when I got a job phone call for a good technical writing job! It’s only through the end of the year, but that would just buy me some time to job hunt while making some serious money. I hope I get it!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:44am
8: bloom-ing says:

i felt mad a while back because i was sharing what my dreams look like & cd asked, how are you going to do that ? do you have a 5 year plan ? & i felt so so lost & confused & “tricked”….. & now he is saying, that is what i was already doing….. explaining to me….

my male friend when i shared that story said, “oh it’s so hard to remember not to do that” to put the “what are we doing & how” on the lady… i told him it feels so girly ! to be asked that

i kind of had a plan but now cd has a real plan & a timeline. i was feeling i was never going to get there & now i feel i’m being carried there… (((universe)))

felt so sad, went the slow, easy talking way…. share & open, focus on me….. but as soon as we got “into it” i felt shocked because he already knew everything. he brought up the food thing, saying we need some changes, we need to re-focus. we did all the things i want without me asking. without me saying a thing ! bagpipes on the stereo & early bedtimes & cd coloring in a coloring book & me pasting my color doodles….. & had the sex i like & had been missing…. & this morning i was wandering around doing my chores & he stopped me & said, baby make sure you get breakfast & lunch before you go. i have seaweed soup & chai tea with whole milk & yogurt & blueberries & a bean-feta salad. i’m gonna get chips too. i feel happy & cared for.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:52am
9: Femininewoman says:

3 Ways To Attract A Man
Using Your Back
By: Patty Contenta

I know this sounds weird but I can’t tell you how many people have bad backs! I see it in my dance studio all the time. It’s an epidemic today more than ever because most of us are sitting down working on computers…and guess what happens to the back …SLOUCH! Not only is this NOT attractive, it also has long term health effects like tense muscles which prevent proper movement of the skeletal system.

I’m not going to get into that now (will leave for one of my experts) but I will touch on the “it” factor that proper posture demonstrates…CONFIDENCE!

With this “back” awareness, you’ll learn how to arch & angle your back and while creating a subtle invitation to admire your behind. When you can cultivate your curves you trigger a man’s hunter mechanism that makes him want to approach you.

You’re back is like a snake…it has natural curves and meant to slither when moving. When you begin to use it, it’s like you’ve added another dimension to your projection…it’s like watching a 3D movie!

Let me explain…
Throughout my career, a common remark from the judges would be how they love to see a woman who uses her back when she dances, not just her feet and arms. So, I took this information and adapted it in my dancing by imagining oil dripping down my body when I moved or not moved. Can you see where I’m going with this? I was attentive to my muscle movement by becoming aware of the manner in which I arched my back, twisted my waist, contracted my abdominals…every move affected my spine. It was an exhilarating experience!
Here are some simple tips to encourage the arch of your back…
1.Take the time to look over your shoulder when you see someone you like by arching your lower back to accentuate the curve.
2.When taking off your jacket, be sure to arch your back as it glides off of your arms. Don’t rush the process, enjoy every moment…remember think of oil dripping down your body.
3.Every now and then use your butt as a ledge because whatever you touch, a man will magnetically follow the hypnosis your hand is creating.
4.When walking, engage your shoulder blades and put all of your attention on your back. Even if you are looking ahead, think about what’s behind you. It will create a subtle change in your energy that is noticeable!
5.When sitting on a chair, this is when most people slouch. You need to arch your lower back (create that curve)…instead of tucking your pelvis under which creates a rounded back…not pretty.

Engaging your back muscles will really help your posture and give you a more confident air that most men WILL spot!

The ultimate key is not to rush…take your time…do it deliberately…it’s a secret between you and yourself…because the intention behind the movement creates an explosive reaction

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:53am
10: Heart says:

Sirens – CuddleyGrinch emailed me today asking to go out later in the week.
He also went into a long explanation about how he was just hoing his friends around town.

I don’t know what to feel or say…
I feel spiteful.
I want to punish him.

Also I feel happy that he asked me out.
Hmm…

I am torn between wanting to nip this in the bud and wanting to explore it some more…

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:57am
11: bloom-ing says:

realized yesterday that where i already am has the green yellow curtains & the purple color i love on every wall. the tree hanging. the birds. in the trees, atop a mountain. idk how humans are so blind. i feel amazed.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:59am
12: Femininewoman says:

3 Things Men Find Unattractive

Hello!

I thought i’d keep this email short and sweet so hopefully you remember to avoid these very common mistakes!

1. Don’t Agree With Everything He Says – Have an opinion, it’s more attractive
2. Don’t Show Your Insecurities -Seeking approval is unnattractive i.e. (Do I look fat?)
3. Don’t Complain. – Self explanatory, nobody likes a complainer!

I’ve been researching a lot lately, and these were
without a doubt the most common mistakes that
women tend to make (Backed up by countless
surveys on men)

I wasn’t joking when I said it was a short email
Talk to you soon,

Lisa Harris

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:00am
13: Femininewoman says:

Hi Heart – spite and punishment does not cultivate love, peace or harmony. Remember the word counterintuitive. It might be the right thing to do but then what will you create?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:02am
14: bloom-ing says:

not saying anyone else is, just saying i have been

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:02am
15: Femininewoman says:

Love Note of the Week:
The vulture fills itself up with the past as it feeds on dead carcasses. The hummingbird fills itself up with the freshness of the present as it feeds on blossoms. Be like the hummingbird.

“Heartbreak can turn us into the vulture, focused on the past and struggling to get by. Love can fill us up and we feel like the hummingbird – as if we too, can fly. Look for the fresh blossoms in your life and soak in each glorious moment. Search out what is new and fresh and fill yourself up with the present moment. Let the hummingbird guide you to your joy.”

We are here to support you on your path to love.

Love and Abundance,

Orna and Matthew

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:03am
16: bloom-ing says:

i googled “relationship ocd” & even though i’ve decided i don’t believe in ocd anymore, i did relate to a lot of what they shared…… i feel more committed to slow communication with myself.

it felt shocking. truly shocking. to talk with cd. he was upset, but somehow not triggered. he understood me & heard me… & expressed himself to me. i felt instantly safe again when i had been feeling so scared.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:09am
17: bloom-ing says:

i forgot how much i love to drink broth at my desk. it makes me feel comfortable & safe & loved.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:11am
18: Iamabutterfly says:

I need help. I’m going to have to be in close proximity with seenmecrycd, and I feel terrified.

I don’t want to avoid this thing, because if he wasn’t going to be there, I would still go. I want to live my life and I don’t want to be cowardly.

I’m not sure how I’m going to feel, but some voice in the back of my head is telling me that it would be “inappropriate” to be honest about my feelings, because of seenmecrycd’s girlfriend.

but that doesn’t feel “right” either.

I feel like I either have to “hide” my feelings and be inauthentic, or “show” them, and be dubbed as “inappropriate.”

and the whole thing makes me feel angry.

What should I do? What should I say, given that I don’t even know how I’m going to feel?

Please help.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:12am
19: April Rose says:

Iama,

Can you feel your feelings as they arise, without any pressure to speak them aloud? Talking instead silently to your own inner little girl and giving her reassurance that you are with her and she is safe?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:15am
20: Iamabutterfly says:

2. Don’t Show Your Insecurities

I feel triggered by this. “showing” your insecurities is part of being vulnerable.

I feel like it is inevitable with authentic feeling messages.

maybe it’s an issue of “when” to show your insecurities?

or “how” you show them, ie: through feeling messages when he has approached you?

I feel angry at these types of “rules.” They feel restricting and inauthentic.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:21am
21: Mel says:

I said:

“Grrr! I feel like kicking you in the shins, and that makes me feel like a child, because I always kicked the mean boys in the shins… especially the ones who likedme.”

And he laughed and said “Sorry baby, I don’t want to be mean… I know you’re not feeling well…no more joking.”

I don’t feel well. I want my mommy to make me some toast and kiss my head.

But at least that means I have some time to catch-up on the blog and say hi to my siren friends!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:24am
22: April Rose says:

Hello Mel!

What did he do/say that made you feel like kicking him?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:29am
23: Iamabutterfly says:

@19 April Rose – Thank you for your feedback, April Rose.

I feel really curious about this. I know from experience that even just letting yourself feel your feelings in the prescence of a man has an extremely powerful effect.

I feel scared to feel my feelings in front of him, because it DOES have an effect on him, and when I see him feeling affected, I feel more connected with him,

but I’m NOT GOING TO BE WITH A GUY WHO IS COMMITTED TO SOMEONE ELSE.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:30am
24: bloom-ing says:

iamabutterfly,

i read that “insecurities” thing a bit differently…

the example “does this make me look fat?” shows the speaker giving away their self-love power to another person it seems….. i would read it differently if it were – or, i can imagine a siren saying – ” i feel fat in this dress ” lol — like it’s the dress’s problem, not your body’s : )) & also like it’s your problem, not his !

what do you think about that ?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:33am
25: bloom-ing says:

ewww “does this make me look fat?” i’m reading like he has all the power to make her feel terrible or make her feel wonderful. i don’t want to rely on a man for my good feelings. & also, i want to feel good : )

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:35am
26: Mel says:

Hi April Rose!!!

I have a migraine and my vision was all fuzzy, and he was looking in my eyes and I asked if my pupils are the same size (sometimes they are not) and he said “Yes… no detectable brain damage… ” Grr!!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:36am
27: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel really angry, because i feel like it’s almost impossible to go through life without being fake in some area of your life.

Fake it until you make it.
There is some truth to that. If you are detemined to do feel something or to accomplish something, it will not always come naturally.

Even with implementing the tools, there is an act of the will. Decision has to be made.

Now I feel confused and sad.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:42am
28: April Rose says:

Iama,

“but I’m NOT GOING TO BE WITH A GUY WHO IS COMMITTED TO SOMEONE ELSE.”

I read this as you shouting to yourself. Out of fear that you might not trust yourself to stay leaned back once you feel a connection with him.

How about talking to this part of you gently, silently
“Hey lil girl. I’m here. I know these feelings are huge. I’m here for you and I’m gonna love you through this longing and these big emotions. I’m not gonna let you do anything you don’t want to. I’m keeping you safe for when your Mr Right shows up, okay baby”

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:43am
29: April Rose says:

Ouch, Mel

I’ve never experienced a migraine but I can imagine it does not feel nice
((((Mel))))

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:45am
30: Iamabutterfly says:

I really liked what I read the other day on here somewhere.

“I really like you. Probably too much to be JUST friends.”

If I were the girlfriend of the guy I was saying this to, how would I feel?

I would feel really angry.

I’m a girl’s girl. I believe we’re all girl’s girls, deep down. The fact that we are helping each other on this blog attests to that.

I feel so conflicted.

I feel embarassed that I still feel so much around SeenmecryCD.

I feel ashamed.
and I feel angry, because I didn’t do anything wrong.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:46am
31: Belle says:

12

I read this and felt…
done
complete
had enough

really there are more important things in life than to cultivate my habits to be attractive to a man.

I just want to live my life, be comfortable with myself, be me and if some guy likes it and thinks it will be fun to hang with me, great.
If not, I’m living my life, having fun, being comfortable being me.

I feel good.
I feel relief.
I give up.
Yay!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:48am
32: Femininewoman says:

RE 28 – me too. We set up our boundaries so we can feel strong. Not to use to beat ourselves up. Those caps really came across to me as yelling at oneself.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:48am
33: Femininewoman says:

Belle – how about taking out “man” and considering if people or maybe yourself like to be around a complainer? Do you like to be with an insecure man? Do you like a man who agrees with everything you say? I know I actually feel suspicious of yes men.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:51am
34: Heart says:

Feminine woman – Thanks for the input.
I must fight against my own vindictiveness.
I feel wronged…I want him to feel that same stab in the chest I did when I saw the pic he want tagged in…

I want him to feel Not Good Enough and Dumped.
Also,
I don’t want him to feel like that at all…

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:52am
35: Femininewoman says:

Heart – I believe his own conscience or NVs can provide him with those juicy feelings. Show up as confident and knowing your worth and that is enough for him to feel not good enough.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:55am
36: Iamabutterfly says:

@28 April Rose – I feel teary reading that, and thankful so much again for your feedback.

“I’m not gonna let you do anything you don’t want to. I’m keeping you safe for when your Mr Right shows up, okay baby”

I really like this feeling message to use for myself. It feels really comforting.

I feel really, really, really sad.

I feel sad about this one guy who just got married a couple of weeks ago. I really love(d) him.

I felt and still feel completely helpless when it comes to love. I feel as though I never do anything right. (and yes, I know that isn’t a true feeling statement.)

I feel rage and I feel sick.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:55am
37: April Rose says:

(((((((Iamabutterfly))))))))

I hear you, sweetheart. I totally get how you are feeling.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:59am
38: Iamabutterfly says:

Does anyone understand what I mean, though? It’s like a game I can’t win. If I feel what I’m honestly feeling in front of him, it affects him, which in turn, makes me feel even more.

If I shut down my feelings, it is inauthentic and fake.

I can’t win!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:59am
39: Calypso says:

Lama ~ To me, it seems like you should be able to feel your feelings in a way that is authentic for you, but at the same time, not “share” them with him or his girlfriend. Having a feeling and speaking about it are two very different things. Your eyes or your smile or the way you hold yourself may make him aware of your feelings, but that is a silent language between the two fo you that can not be inappropriate. He can chose to acknowledge it or not. You feel what you feel – just remember to breathe . . .

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:23am
40: Mel says:

“realized yesterday that where i already am has the green yellow curtains & the purple color i love on every wall. the tree hanging. the birds. in the trees, atop a mountain. idk how humans are so blind. i feel amazed.”

(((Bloom-ing))) Awwwww…. everything already IS. That makes me feel overjoyed and like a child seeing things with open eyes.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:37am
41: Iamabutterfly says:

@39 Calypso – That was brilliantly helpful. Thank you sooooooooooooooooooo much! I feel relieved and supported!!!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:38am
42: Calypso says:

Lama – Yea I’m so glad I was able to give you some comfort ~

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:47am
43: bloom-ing says:

getting that library feeling & so scared it will show me “scarcity” if i allow myself to go there… but sinking in fearlessly anywayz. hey remember when we saw that man that looked like papa ? yeah. remember going up the stairs behind – like a secret meeting ? the chairs. the up chairs. boards across laps. mmhmm. tea time… & cookies. omg… bells OH the bells…. oh the bells, bells bells bells bells bells bells oh i do feel sad & tear-y, but… what about the beaux arts homes ? ah number numbers, relax…. i just want to think about the dark wood or the flooring laid so delicately, so tight. the paintings hung layer on layer on layer. that’s safe & possible. i allow those things. there’s no lock on them. the echoing entrance hall. majestic. castles. moss. hidden water. i allow that. flying buttresses, stained glass. all the books. the smell of paper. ink. the feeling of paper & ink joining under the pressure & swing of my wrist & forearm… there, you see, i’m not “poorer” for that… i feel yummy, not hungry… thanks

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:55am
44: Belle says:

33
FW

Actually, I don’t have a problem with people who complain
or feel insecure
or
agree with me

I have great friendships with people who never disagree with me…but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own opinions, we are usually just very curious about each others perspectives and actually find it great fun to try to see through the others’ lenses.

I work with a guy who constantly complains and I have tons of fun teasing him and it really brings out the clown in me. He’s the only person I know that really ever complains – or maybe people do and I just don’t notice? It doesn’t bother me. Oh, now I’m thinking of a friend of mine who is a tremendous complainer, and her complaints are theatrical productions, extremely entertaining.

I find insecurity to be endearing, and I don’t know of anyone who feels insecure for very long with me. Generally I don’t take responsibility for reassuring adults.

The ones who want to keep playing the “please reassure me” game don’t stick around for very long and I’m searching my memory, feeling curious…and I can’t think of any of my closest friends who reassure me about anything.

For example, a friend of mine called, frantic, wanting reassurance that the trip she was going to go on was going to be okay, and I told her, “I can’t tell you that! I don’t know the future! What do YOU think? What does your inner guidance tell you? What’s your sense of it?” and she realized she already had her answers and knew she was going to be fine. I didn’t feed her insecurity, I saw her as divine and powerful and after a few quiet moments she got excited and found that place inside herself where she knows she is like a cat who always lands on her feet (her words).

I’m totally not interested in cultivating anything about myself to be attractive to anyone else anymore.
Bah!

I feel some anger now…all those years of trying so hard, of being molded and groomed and brainwashed into believing I had to do or be something different in order to attract a man, and that being attractive to men is somehow the pinnacle of success, my job, where my value lies and that I was wrong or doing something wrong or something was wrong with me or I was worthless and useless if I wasn’t attractive (especially sexually) to men.

Breathing
Sighing
Smiling

So.
There ya go.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 12:10pm
45: bloom-ing says:

yeah, mel ! everything already is… just imagine my surprise… feeling unsupported in my Big Dreams… when all along, cd had the same dream that he’d been pursuing… even before he met me. feels so strange that somehow we didn’t “communicate” that…. when i blurted it out, i felt so sad. like, well this is the final straw & he’s going to dismiss this & i’ll never recover… & he told me, oh yeah, if you want to do that, here’s what i’ve been thinking. he even clarified, i asked you what your 5 year plan is. what i really am saying is i want to sit down with you & talk about a 5 year plan for us… oh cd. i don’t really understand how we found each other. it doesn’t “make sense” that without talking about it we would have the same… “final destination” in mind…. i feel so confused, but somehow it is very very good… because this is a dream where i would really really need a supportive partner – like someone going halfsies with me. gosh i feel surprised. & i told him about my ex in college…. who i never told my dreams to…. poor man. but he didn’t do what i pictured he might…. happens to be what cd does…. funny things….

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 12:10pm
46: Dominique says:

I too highly recommend this movie, loved it.

xxoo

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 12:19pm
47: Calypso says:

JC just texted asking if I would have lunch with him on Friday. I said that sounded nice and that I might even miss him by then . . . lol He said, “I bet you have not even thought about me” and I repled, “Not one time . . . ”

I like the way we play. It comforts my relationship fears ~

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 12:35pm
48: April Rose says:

The theme for Rori’s teleclass tonight is ‘Playing and Giving’.
Can’t wait to hear about it.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 12:39pm
49: Tam says:

Oooh, wish I could see the teleclass

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 12:47pm
50: Belle says:

bloom-ing
45
I feel joy and bubbly gigglecried reading your post.
Sounds so dreamy….
how wonderful Wonder-Full! for you
perfect perfect sweetness

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 12:50pm
51: FlowerChild77 says:

(((Mel))) I’ve had migraine problems since childhood. I know how miserable they can be. I feel for you

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 12:59pm
52: April Rose says:

EM came to see me today. At the place where I live with WM!

It happened because EM wanted to see me and I was too frightened to say no or to go to his house (in the middle of nowhere).
So, I asked him to come to my place.

I had no fear. My terror of the two men meeting has gone. I told WM that EM was coming to play music at our place. He said “Brilliant. I’m glad you’re doing music again.”

WM carried on with very important outdoor works, involving complicated structures of scaffolding and ladders, whilst EM and I sat inside for two hours playing guitars and singing.

I looked at him, at his incredible face with its depth and its ‘dangerous’ expressions passing fleetingly.
I thought “I love you. And I don’t think my inner Dad is going to let me marry you!!”

I felt safe. I continued reassuring my little girl the way I was practicing on the blog last night. (Daria too).

I told her “I love you. I am here with you and will keep you safe. I can see why you are fascinated with this man. And, you don’t have any obligation to give your life to him. Your life is yours, sweetheart.”

And we sang….blues, stay away from me-e-e…..

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:14pm
53: Daria says:

I feel angry

and im continuing to feel angry

and that is quite ok!

i will hold myself this whole time while im feeling this powerful emotion

whuff

i feel full of heat

and i feel sad

and my forehead feels tight

and im going to keep on being here for me

hot anger hotting me up in my head and face

and my heartachey under

hot hot hot to heal my heart

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:17pm
54: Daria says:

im here while my cheeks feel tight and my thoughts get blamy and i feel sad and powerless under and scared

and while im coughing and feeling ‘miserable’ feeling this way

hot and tight in my head

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:19pm
55: Daria says:

im letting it radiate like a star and now it felt better and now again it feels tight and im letting it express

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:20pm
56: Daria says:

i can chill and feel good while feeling angry!

yawn

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:21pm
57: bloom-ing says:

daria, i feel so glad to see you. i’m going to email you a short email in a minute… : )

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:22pm
58: Daria says:

im feeling better!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:25pm
59: Daria says:

blooming i feel so glad to see u too!

i was jus thinking about you and how safe and heard i feel w u and supported and ‘got’ and honored

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:26pm
60: Radlove says:

A CD is texting and I feel almost nauseated that I responded. He immediately called and I didn’t pick up. I had one date with him and I felt too forced and pressured. I am not sure about this at all.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:27pm
61: Daria says:

April Rose i feel all like hey! happy seeing my name in your post! thanks for thinking of me lovely zana

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:27pm
62: Radlove says:

blooming,

17 – I feel that way about tomato soup! I had some for lunch with crackers, and it is such a nice comfort food!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:33pm
63: Radlove says:

One thing I realized about R is no matter what I feel, he is really not ready for a serious relationship. He still has a lot to deal with in this mental illness thing. I think sometimes I try to discount it or pretend it’s not there. But it is.

And I will just love and accept him thru it, no matter what.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:35pm
64: Dark horse says:

Hi sirens. Tam thanks so much for sharing your fear of dentists! I felt less alone after that. I have a lovely understanding dentist so I promise myself I will call and make an appointment in the next two weeks.

Tam I love what you are doing with mr p. I am in a similar frame of mind. Oh I’ve done it all wrong! I never had that conversation with Lionman. He was always the one who brought up relationship convos or marriage and children and because I was raised to be polite not ask for anything and be easily pleased I never wanted to put pressure on him imagining that we would just arrive there naturally in time. Instead what has happened is he has just taken me for granted at this point and is now keeping his options open as he thinks something better is out there.

But I need to be prepared and would love some more script
help. What always happens is this pattern where Lionman goes off and comes back. In the beginning he had to work hard to get my attention but in time the repeated distancing seemed like creating drama to me so I would counteract by continuing as normal so the bar got lower and lower and lower until now he distances and doesn’t have to do anything much at all to get me back. I’m not quite sure how to change this. He is coming back and I want to have a few boundaries in place so that I feel like I can take care of myself.

I can say um I feel weird asking this but I’ve been clear that I can’t see you if you are seeing other women. Are you? If he says yes then I can say I can’t see you talk to you or do anything to help you that you are asking me to do. I think he asks me to help him as a way to keep me in his life at minimum effort.

How on earth do I have a convo about marriage. It feels cringey to me and demanding and greedy? Or grasping? Not saying it is for anyone else just sharing how I feel. Like I have to seal that deal and I’m no good at closing

I absolutely do not want to fall back into where we have been stuck for years with me as semi girlfriend with all his family and our friends saying why hasn’t he married you yet and him getting resentful and me feeling less than. Do I have to just date him until it comes up and then say no …. I just don’t feel in myself that my self esteem is high enough yet to be in that place of ‘your loss,’ attitude and I feel like he has all the options not me. He is a very handsome man and gets so much attention from other women. For years I didn’t care as I felt strong enough but this year it has really gotten to me, I lost my job that I loved and that did a number on my confidence too.

Any advice appreciated. I did have a very pleasant afternoon today tho with two lovely men one of whom always makes me feel good to be round. I was practicing today not talking that much, not filing up silences, just smiling and that’s enough, appreciating their knowledge, and asking for help. Also noticing good actions and verbalizing how tht makes me feel good.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:38pm
65: April Rose says:

Daria,

I really ‘got’ something last night. I felt a lovely, soft, click of “A-haaaaaa”.

I felt you right beside me. I felt your strength, your kindness, your goddess spirit next to me. I felt ‘twinned.’

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:40pm
66: turquoise says:

From the last thread…..

Thanks LG,(I can’t wait to hear your news!) I do FEEL different. I keep thinking that even though he’s not “mine” this feels more real and rewarding than any relationship I’ve had in a really long time. I’m so happy to have someone to practice with and experiment, who is receptive and a much better communicator than I am… wow, he’s definitely in my life for a reason.

Today, I felt a whole new feeling. He got mad FOR ME, and told me he hates people who act like assh01es, especially to people he cares about. (in regards to the way someone was talking to me) I thanked him for being mad for me, and he said that I do that for him too, and he appreciates it. I replied that I wonder why it’s easy to feel mad for someone else than for ourselves and he said it’s because they are protective feelings, and we feel we can fend for ourselves.

I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I felt protected. From words! I know C would do just about anything I needed him to if I asked, but this is different. I replied that I’d forgotten what that felt like, and actually felt sort of stunned.

I do need to take a few steps back though and create some space. I looked at the calendar, and I’ve seen him 13 out of the last 14 days. It’s too much. Let him miss me right, to trigger some possible emotions right?

FW, thanks…I agree, no rats or roaches, lol. I really am doing the best I can, but Daria, you bring up a good point, that we can grow and do better. I’m sorry to make you feel dismissed… I was saying I stopped taking it personally and as an insult, because while I’m sure you have great parenting potential and plans, it really is a whole different thing when you raise kids from birth to 12. And I don’t mean that as an insult to you either, more like a gentle reminder to be surprised. One thing I’d share for you to consider, what you are learning as an adult with self parenting (which I feel is AWESOME) , is a good bit different than how a child learns, you can interpret, call on past experiences, research, learn, study and grow. Children don’t have all that available to them. They have free will, but do have to be taught how to be a productive human being, and what’s expected of them. I don’t want to debate if that is right or wrong, but being a parent is all about loving, teaching and caring for them becuase they can’t do it for themselves. At least I think so.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:40pm
67: Radlove says:

I felt surprised this CD contacted me, because it’s been about two months, and he already texted me once about a month ago, and I ignored him. I thought he would give up by now.

In the continued texting, I let him know I wasn’t into his bait and switch type of dating. He says he will do one thing just to get his foot in the door. He said he would come help me with my phone calling back in the beginning of July. Then he offered me a massage. Then he comes in pushing for sex. He never did help me with phone calls or give me a massage.

At first he played dumb but now he’s gone silent.

Yeah, I didn’t think you really had a job for me, when you just offered for me to work in your business.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:40pm
68: Tam says:

Hi Darkhorse!!
May I ask how the ‘distancing himself’ looks like? For how long does he go, when does he come back?
Do you think he is seeing other women?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:41pm
69: Heart says:

#52 April Rose – that sounds so beautiful.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:41pm
70: Dark horse says:

Turquoise I am really enjoying reading your progress. And I love how there for you mr conversation is. To me my intuition is telling me that c is like a fractious child like he’s upset and angry and irritable and doesn’t know why but to me it seems tht he is regretting a missed opportunity with you. Of course I don’t know him so I am just surmising. And I don’t mean to be patronizing saying he is like a child just that sense of he’s mad at himself. I see this in Lionman a lot anger and irritability at himself with not a lot of insight so it comes out at those closest to him. I understand this may just be a projection on my part.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:42pm
71: Heart says:

#35 – FW – wow…you’re right…

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:43pm
72: Daria says:

ladies so today i went to visit aobut 8 monastaries and a cave where a woman lived 3o years

and at ALL the monestaries there was a HUGE icon of Mary

i mean ALL

even when i got triggered esp at this particular one about covering up and it quoted stuff about ‘decency’ and i felt mad like GOD LOVES ME AND MY BODY AND JOY

and i would go there and i TALKED to the goddess Mary

and i would go to her and say I see you Goddess and they would say i see you too Goddess and we blessed each other
a
nd i would come out RADIANT and beamingly happy

and in ALL the monestaries no matter what that icon was HUGE and prominent and

ALL OF THE MIRACLE MAKING ICONS where of Mary

shes the one who healed, brought rain, etc

ALL that!!!

it was Mary and Goddesses all along and i saw icons of the birth of mary

and of mary and mary magdalene hugging each other too

and at the last one the icon seemd SAD like her energy was ‘strange’ and i intended her healing and talked to her like part of me and eventually she got happy too!

and later i found that in that monestary they do exorcisms and stuff and also some other not as nice things happend and my intuition was the people in charge there weren’t making the icon godddess happy

and I did get her smiling and happy yay

and i feel happpyyyyy

i feel so powerful and honored that these goddesses talkk to me!

wooh!

and i put my head down on some holy bones and i felt my head all clear and lit and yum

and i asked to understand how the bones stay without rotting to become saints and relics and one mary told me welll i felt some energy around my head and im sure it will come more clear to the understanding now

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:45pm
73: Daria says:

so amazing that in what i found repressive the goddess is there all along making her miracles and being honored

i mean she was huge, she was the important figure

i feel so smily and blessed and loved

at some places some of the icons were so happy that i would actually heal THEM and offer Them Goodword blessing

to talk to a goddess they were happy and it was like being with friends

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:47pm
74: April Rose says:

Thanks Heart,

I feel so cuddly of myself at the moment.
I’ve been feeling so at ease since I discovered I could create an inner Mum and Dad who look after me, keep me fed and safe, and give me advice about the men in my life!

How’s your feeling state at the mo’?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:49pm
75: Tam says:

Darkhorse, it feels good to hear your suppore because at times i feel like a little looney to think I can state my ‘needs’ to a man who does not even seem to commit in a normal relationship.

I have NEVER had the talk about relationship with anyone, I have always waited for the men to bring it up. I have never stated my needs. In fact, when he said he wanted a ‘quasi – relationship’ I just laughed. CRINGE. Inside I wa like ‘aaaaaargh, what does this mean?’ – did I say anything? NO.
Then he did say ‘I would marry you’ and what did I say?
Wait for it: ‘I wouldn’t do that to you because I know you have other priorities blah blah blah’.
No wonder things turned out the way they did.
Two rabbits in headlights.

I have no clue how to approach conversations like this. I will have to work on that too.

I feel curious about your situation with lionman.

I just read a book where it says that it’s the way men’s brains work which makes them distance themselves from us sometimes. I certainly never had the feeling that the men see anything wrong with that. I do think they have a different timeline also, like when they do not call for a couple of days it feels like weeks for us, and for them maybe it feels like hours? That is the impression I am getting.

Does Lionman never bring up the relationship topic?
I mean, if even MrP brings it up (which is a thing that normally would only happen when hell freezes over, i e never), I am surprised that it never comes up for you. I still wouldn’t start a convo, but I would grab the opportunity in a moment when he brings something up…to state my needs without pressure and without making it about him. Hm

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:49pm
76: bloom-ing says:

dark horse,

“I can say um I feel weird asking this but I’ve been clear that I can’t see you if you are seeing other women. Are you? If he says yes then I can say I can’t see you talk to you or do anything to help you that you are asking me to do. I think he asks me to help him as a way to keep me in his life at minimum effort.”

the “are you?” sounds like a “gotcha” question to me kind of… like, if i were him, i would feel squirmy just being asked that, even Especially! if i weren’t seeing other women….. hm.

i might just say, “i’m feeling a bit weird being asked to help you, like a partner, because i feel sad & unsure if you are seeing other women……” & just give him space to say something or express himself…. “i feel attached & attracted to you & it feels like beating my poor little steadfast heart to help you & feel “there for” you if i’m unsure whether i’m the woman you’re pursuing….” ……. & then maybe i’d say, “thank you for listening to me. i feel strongly that i need a man who will be all-mine or me-first…. i’m just an emotional girl, i suppose”

“How on earth do I have a convo about marriage. It feels cringey to me and demanding and greedy? Or grasping? Not saying it is for anyone else just sharing how I feel. Like I have to seal that deal and I’m no good at closing ”

this has come up a few times on the blog…. i know ladies have different ideas about how/when this is appropriate……… you’re not demanding anything though ! right ? when i say these things, i’m just Speaking My Truth…. like “oh, actually, i’d feel bad if someone i were sleeping with went on dates with other women” ….. “actually, i don’t want to live with someone i’m just dating” …… “actually, i don’t feel comfortable committing to an exclusive relationship unless i feel it’s moving toward marriage”…………. even “actually, i don’t want to date someone for years & years & still be wondering if they’re going to come home to me. i want to feel like i have a Family, rooted together like trees in a forest…” i think you can say whatever you want without being demanding or anything, because you’re just saying what your little heart is wanting

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:51pm
77: Radlove says:

Daria,

72-73 – Interesting! I feel curious…is this in CA?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:52pm
78: Daria says:

Darkhorse – (((hugs))) You’re so aware and i say your self esteem is high enough now to date

I would end phone convos around 10 min, oh i gotta start doing some stuff, it felt fun to talk to you!

if he hasnt’ asked me out on a date in the convo

if he asks me out… yay practice in totally lean back then way im practicing with other men!

i know you can do this!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:52pm
79: Dark horse says:

Radlove I love how your day started! I feel excited for you it would be great for you to get some work for the next few months. Is the work nearby?

What you said about r being there for ou and forgiving it resonated so much for me. Lionman has been judged a lot by people over the years. I have dated some lovely guys who were outwardly successful and searching for meaning in their lives but not o e of them has come remotely close to being there for me or willing to do anything like what Lionman has done for me. He has stuck around long enough for me to really work some stuff out about myself. I guess that means I trusted him enough to let him see that much of me. I never let any other man go there if that makes sense.

Is r on disability? If your relationship were to grow towards romance have you thought about what lifestyle you would have. Would you be the breadwinner? I ask only because I imagine r’s challenges are very real and therefore it means your stability emotionally and financially would be of paramount importance. Not that they aren’t anyway I just believe tht if one partner is emotionally unstable (forgive me if I am wrong about this interpretation of schizophrenia) the other partner has to work harder at maintaining theirs.

I have some experience in this area. I use meditation, yoga, hiking and a 12step program to maintain my balance when Lionman goes through difficult emotional times. For myself of course but it benefits him too.

Have you seen a beautiful mind.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:53pm
80: bloom-ing says:

daria, i feel moved reading about the energy of the holy sites & your interaction with the goddesses….. thank you for sharing!!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:57pm
81: Radlove says:

Diesel just emailed me, calling me the wrong name. So I called him the wrong name and told him I wasn’t Belinda!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:58pm
82: April Rose says:

me too. sounds like a beautiful way to spend a day……with goddesses……..mmmmm

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 1:58pm
83: turquoise says:

Thank you dark horse! Are you new here, or just a new name?

C has a bad temper, very emotional… and you are right, not just me, but those closest to him.

He did miss out on an opportunity for us to try again, I offered, he turned me down becuase of too much stuff in the past. That finally, after years and years was enough for me, to keep moving forward and be open to what else may come. 1 month later, I started talking to Mr. Conversation. If you are new, you may not have read this…. but he looks SO much like my vision board guy (it’s a picture of a tall, dark haired man with his arms wide to the ocean wearing kaki shorts) Mr. C looks just like that, was in the navy and wants to retire on a yacht. I’m not saying it’s him… but it resembles him enough for me to feel like I really can have what I want and what I ask for.

BUT, he’s going through a lot. Not ready to jump into anything big… he’s still very hurt over his divorce and I don’t want to be a rebound. So, while I love spending all this time with him… he needs time and space to figure out what he wants, and I need to not get all wrapped up in one guy who can’t give me a relationship. He always says, I can’t be what you want right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want what you want in the future. It doesn’t feel like stringing along… it feels good to hear.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:00pm
84: April Rose says:

This afternoon, EM asked me to play a song on my own. I felt surprised, and I started to strum on my guitar. He stood up from where he was sitting opposite me and walked towards me.

He stood behind me, put his strong sexy hands on my shoulders, and kissed my neck.
I shivered, melted, smiled. I felt dreamy and loved.

My brain questioned quietly in my skull “are you having a murder fantasy now?”
I asked my thoughts to please be quiet, and I melted into the kisses.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:05pm
85: Dark horse says:

Daria love what you are saying about mary! She is the goddess, healer yes! Have you seen or read book movie the mists of Avalon? Awesome awesome book movie not so much but still worth watching.

Thank you for the hugs! I feel all chuffed and like heeeeeyyyyyyy! Daria thinks my self esteem is not tht bad! And she thinks I am self aware! Hey maybe all is not lost! I fel seen and validated and good!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:05pm
86: Dark horse says:

Blooming thank you so much I think our stylee may be similar I love how you frame things like its ttractive who wouldn’t San to be like a family of trees all rooted together … Thank you for scripts I will definitely be cutting and pasting and using them thank you xo ps I love drinking broth at my desk in all my jobs the people I work with bring me little snaks and treats they know I like to nibble and think

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:08pm
87: Dark horse says:

Turquoise I have been lurking for years so I know your story with c and I remember you offered and he said no and you cried yourself to sleep one night (((((turquoise)))))

I feel glad you were open and offering tho it was all said and I think he is regretting it now but it’s a little sad too x

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:10pm
88: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

79 – Thank you! The position is 1 hr 20 min away. But it is near where R lives, and they would pay for me to stay at a hotel thru the week to be near the job. I am applying for another local job, but it isn’t as high paying. I really need to start working immediately. So I am going for it anyway.

You said, “What you said about r being there for ou and forgiving it resonated so much for me…He has stuck around long enough for me to really work some stuff out about myself. I guess that means I trusted him enough to let him see that much of me. I never let any other man go there if that makes sense.”

Yes, I feel exactly the same way about R. It is yet another reason why I love him so much. He shows by all that acceptance that he genuinely cares about me and my wellbeing. And the other night we were getting into a really personal topic. I expressed feeling weird. I liked it when he said if it hurts, then stop. He relates to me in a far healthier way than he did 3 years ago! I am falling more and more deeply in love with him!

You asked, “Is r on disability? If your relationship were to grow towards romance have you thought about what lifestyle you would have. Would you be the breadwinner?”

Yes, he is, and yes, I’ve thought about it. I have concluded exactly what you said, that I need to be extra stable, emotionally and financially. Thus all that I am doing right now, both working hard on Rori’s blog and with her programs to be all I can be, healed and whole. And to get a solid job and be able to maintain it.

It is also why I am somewhat willing to drive the $20 of gas out of my car to go to him and to pay for some of our dates. I don’t prefer it this way, but if I had to choose a wealthy man with a big house or R with all his issues and lack of income, I’d choose R in a heartbeat! I feel really appreciative of Rori, too, that she recognizes that a romance with a man who isn’t rich has value, too, and she is just super in recognizing what is really important in life!

You said, “…emotionally unstable (forgive me if I am wrong about this interpretation of schizophrenia)…:

No problem, quite accurate.

You said, “I have some experience in this area. I use meditation, yoga, hiking and a 12step program to maintain my balance”

Nice!

You asked, “Have you seen a beautiful mind.”

Yes, I found it interesting, but I didn’t relate it hardly at all with R. And I think it is oversimplified. This isn’t just a bunch of hallucinations and self-aggrandizement. It is far deeper and more seriously detrimental to an individual than that. I’ve done a lot of studying on schizophrenia since 2009. The one I found the most meaningful and helpful in relation to dealing with R is http://www.schizophreniadefeated.com.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:12pm
89: bloom-ing says:

radlove, belinda is a pretty name too : )

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:15pm
90: Dark horse says:

Tam hi sounds like we have similar feelings! I’m from Europe too so this American thing well I thought of it as American this commitment thing is weird for me. I ad one American boyfriend a long time ago told me he loved about me that I was the only girl who hadn’t tried to negotiate a commitment from him!

I see it differently now.

Lionman disappears for a few days but we had a lot of fights earlier this year and then he would disappear for weeks and I know he was seeing other women. He has a lot of opportunity and although I hate o say this has a bit of a player thing going on in a clueless way if tat makes any sense. Ie not a deliberate player more jut a clueless one.

Tam I spent a lot of time in Germany and have a lot of friends there and used to speak ok German! Now I’ve forgotten a lot.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:17pm
91: Daria says:

this was in Romania

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:24pm
92: Daria says:

oops ive triggered myself by saying that

i now feel scared

im here for me!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:25pm
93: Tam says:

90..this is interesting dark horse, so where are you now?
If he disappears and you believe he is or might be seeing other women then I would bring it up sooner rather than later.
Well, that’s not very leaning back is it?
How does he see your relationship?
I feel really curious.
A clueless player..hmmm.
But does he make you feel like you are the only one?
Because I had thought for a long time MrP was a player but he is not at all, he talks about other women all the time but when it comes down to it – I never saw him flirt with any, he’s always just talking to men. I know he has dates for coffee and dinner but he told me they never went any further…..and he didn’t tell me because I asked him (I never ask because I don’t want to know).
In fact, the usual greeting I get when we meet back in Fl is:
‘Hi, how are you, you look great, and btw I did not sleep with anybody except you (for the past 3/6 or whatever months)’. This always struck me as odd…but I actually believed him. And he hands me his phone when it rings, as a joke and there was never a woman on it…lots of other evidence…I have been through his whole house upside down when we cleared it – nothing female in there except my stuff…and the guy who lives in his annexe said to me that he never saw another woman in the house.
However, I am sure that if he got given the opportunity, he would be dating and sleeping with women..it just isn’t his priority…but he could pick up someone within 5 minutes.
So I always used to think he was seeing women when he was gardening or fishing or fixing something.
So nowadays I am not as quick to jump to conclusions although I am well aware that he might be seeing someone right now, while I type this.
I wonder whether it might be similar with lionman…he might just be doing ‘his stuff’ when he is away.
Has there been talk of moving together?
Hm.
Where in Germany were you?
I feel super curious!!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:31pm
94: Radlove says:

blooming,

89 – Yes, it is! He wrote back laughing and said he got a kick out of my comeback, calling him by another name, LOL.

91 – Daria, cool, glad you are doing some traveling!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 2:44pm
95: Heart says:

#74 – April Rose – I’m feeling a little heavy thinking about certain tasks. Also I’m feeling conflicted about the CuddleyGrinch situation. I don’t know if I want to go out with him again or not….

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 3:13pm
96: Daria says:

this got me i get it

“Happiness is the vehicle we travel in, not our destination.”

im on my way to heaven

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 3:14pm
97: Radlove says:

I don’t know.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 3:14pm
98: Radlove says:

Daria,

96 – Ooh, I like that!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 3:15pm
99: Radlove says:

I want a meaningful job. Pharmaceutical technical writing is where my experience is, but it is not what I was born for. It is far from my P.O.P.

I want to write a book and help people. Maybe schizophrenics.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 3:16pm
100: Turquoise says:

Thank you for the hug Dark Horse. That feels wonderful! ((((dark horse))))

Radlove, how about writing an ebook on how to be in a relationship with a schitzophrenic? You could sell it online, reach a lot of people…. and have continuous income coming in. What I’ve learned about ebook sales though, is people have to have a way to find you, so it can take a lot of work. But, if it’s your life’s purpose, and you could work from home… wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 3:27pm
101: Dark horse says:

Tam the last time I was there I was in Berlin for a short while. I had a funny experience there. I had really liked this guy from there and we made a plan to meet and go out. Although I am shy this was ore rori so I was definitely in making that date happen mode. Well I got there and he never called and I felt so sad and disappointed. Last night of my trip I went out to dinner with some friends and who was sitting at a table in the resteraunt? It was so strange! Berlin is a big place! We both laughed about it afterwards! When I didn’t care anymore!

Tam I also have said oh I wouldn’t do that to you as in deliberately get pregnant. I think he wanted me to but didn’t want the responsibility of the decision and me good girl that I am decided to take care of him and protect him. I’m not saying that was a wrong instinct just it might have been better to say oh it would feel good to be pregnant by you.

We are not together now. He doesnt bring up the relationship because we only just started speaking again recently. I never contact him. Right now I was just focused on reconnecting -there was a lot of anger there on his part towards me and I couldn’t understand why he was so angry.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 3:32pm
102: Dark horse says:

Turquoise I think that’s a great idea for Radlove! Radlove you have so much experience in this area! And you could have a blog maybe r if he was willing could offer his input and you could both talk about how you helped each other. It seems like from what you are saying for r having any sort of friendship that goes the distance is hard for him so you are showing its possible. you could have practical advice and a blog like this where people come for support or the latest news on treatment etc.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 3:38pm
103: Turquoise says:

Part of my leaning back is leaving my cell phone on the charger, I’ll be able to hear it if it rings, but won’t be looking at it all night, and staying off Facebook. I just want to be present in my home, get my mind off him and our situation. It’s just not going to drastically change anytime soon, and I don’t want to keep slipping into having the talk, which funny enough he has started several times. When we spend a lot of time together, it comes up. He is very concerned that he doesn’t want to live with someone anytime soon, and sort of seems to be warning me of that. I finally said the other day, that I’m not looking for or expecting that. I have kids and pets, not even planning to be sleeping over at someone’s I’m dating on a regular basis. He said that is what always happens though, you start dating, and then are together constantly. He seems most concerned about waking up with someone, having all this work to do and having to be worried about the woman. His wife didn’t work for most of their marriage. I don’t want to get into explaining, but I shared with him… that if I ever was in that situation that I’m not a lay in bed all day kind of person. His answer was to say, ok, why don’t you live with me for a week and we’ll see what happens. I wanted to be like… um, hello… we aren’t even a couple lol??? but instead I shared that I have kids to get off to school, pets to take care of…. and we aren’t there. I wish I had asked him why he said that. I don’t believe he really wants to live together, it would be more like a test to prove that we shouldn’t.

I don’t wnat to try and get in his mind and overthink anything. I do think he says most of what he thinks, whether it’s something he would really want or not.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 3:58pm
104: Turquoise says:

Or maybe not ever live with someone again, not just soon…

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:00pm
105: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise I honestly feel triggered a bit by your comments. It kinda came across as if you would allow him to test drive you. I would just make up my mind what I want and just share that and leave it. Let him ponder if he wants to give you want you want.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:06pm
106: Dark horse says:

Daria one of te tools that I love is your tool I think the thank you Daria tool ..

Thank you darkhorse for feeding me
Thank you darkhorse for getting us to bed early
Thank you darkhorse for being quiet with the man today when he was all angry and I was feeling all anxious in my tummy and wanting to make light conversation and distract him from his angry feelings
Thank you darkhorse for being quiet and smiling with the other man and letting him do something nice for me and tell me he is looking out for me financially
Thank you darkhorse for being brave and posting on this blog so these lovely sirens can help us so we can be close to men and not be scared of anger and bad moods and lashing out and blaming and cutting off

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:21pm
107: Radlove says:

Turquoise and Dark horse,

100 and 102 – What a terrific idea! Thank you both! I doubt R would be thrilled about it, but I would HAVE to run it by him before I did it. As it is, I feel really guilty about all I have divulged about him on this blog. He is a VERY private person.

In fact, I fear if he ever found me on the blog, he might end our friendship.

But I have considered in the back of my mind writing our story, and turning it into a book. Again, only with his permission, which I doubt I’d get. But it is forefront on my mind, and it is well documented already. So much of the actual writing is already done..

BTW, it is also one reason I kept extensive journals in 2009, in case I ever wrote a book. Writing a book has been a life goal for a long time.

I deeply appreciate your input and ideas, and I’m going to give it some serious thought, because I feel passionate about helping schizophrenics find healing, and I feel passionate about R, who I have started thinking of as my spoiled little prince, LOL! He loves to be spoiled!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:30pm
108: Radlove says:

I feel really excited, and I am piggy backing off your brainstorming. It could ultimately be how to be a support to schizophrenics for getting free. What to say, not to say, not putting pressure on them, and then have a section for schizophrenics, to help them directly. It is a really serious condition. I feel adrenaline shooting out. This is something I could really put my heart into. I would want to partner with other people, too, who help schizophrenics.

Together
Each
Achieves
More

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:36pm
109: Radlove says:

All afternoon, I’ve been trying to think creatively about reinventing myself, reminding myself that I don’t have to be and do my past, that I can be and do whoever and whatever I choose.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:40pm
110: Radlove says:

You know how Rori says to shift your vibe, do things differently, etc? That’s what I’m doing. Just reformatting my house, my mind, my body, my everything. And it all ties together, all of what I read on the blog, write on the blog, think about, etc. I tie it all together in my mind.

One of my many thoughts was about our conversation about child care. When I worked at the Devereux Foundation with mentally handicapped kids, the philosophy of treatment were summed up as follows:

1. Encourage positive human interactions

2. Encourage each child to develop to his/her fullest potential.

So I was thinking about that in terms of myself today, thinking what would I do that would most fully utilize my potential? This is where my thoughts are…

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:45pm
111: FlowerChild77 says:

You sound great, Radlove! It’s so good to read that you’re happy and feeling excited about your life <3

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:47pm
112: Daria says:

Radlove – “spoiled little prince, LOL! He loves to be spoiled!”

this comes off as him being the feminine partner… I felt EWW!

triggered with myself… ‘gross’

really turned me off though!

hmmm

i know i used to call this one guy, who was really into me and probably would have married me… my ‘princess’ . he really didn;t like it. somehow i got a masculine thrill out of it or something… it felt sooo gratifying to ‘tease’ taht way

i wonder if it was my fear of intimacy – hah!

yeah

i felt thrilled like im powerful and can’t be gotten close to

it feels sad to think about it now

well I just wanted to point that out, in case it helps… if not feel free to ignore

if i wanted to be the feminine energy, i would really scrupulously avoid that kinda language and take that energy on me

im a princess i love to be spoiled. he loves to spoil me, im his little princess

i would like to feel this way with my dad, actually

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:52pm
113: Vi says:

Daria’s “im here for me!” feels so safe and comforting! That’s exactly what my baby-me wanted… I even didn’t know how scared and triggered I felt by an article I’ve just read until I came across these words… “I’m here for me” feels soothing and good.. I feel excited ‘to borrow’ it. Thanks

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:53pm
114: Turquoise says:

FW, I feel curious about your test drive comment… can you expand on that? I didn’t get much sleep last night and my mnd is not fully computing.

I’m not doing anything with him that I don’t want to though, so if that is the worry, it’s ok. I didn’t take his live with me for a week comment seriously. Like I said, whatever comes to mind seems to come out his mouth.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:53pm
115: Daria says:

i feel concerned that taking that attitude towards him would next lead to heartache as he gets turned off

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:54pm
116: Daria says:

i feel loved ladies, i feel glad my practice has inspired you Goddesses

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:55pm
117: Dark horse says:

Sounds like you are on the right track Radlove! It’s what we get excited about that usually succeeds ie where our passion is.

I can understand that r is deeply private. You could present it in time as a way for his struggle and pain (and yours) to be of help to others so that together you are good for the world …. You could also have a section on nutrition and one on exercise and you and he could start trying different things out to see what helps. Then you could get sponsored for these things …. I don’t know like testing sleep machines to help his sleep issues, like those white noise machines. Or like learning meditation together and road testing that too.

Oh the possibilities are endless!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 4:56pm
118: Belle says:

Radlove – “spoiled little prince, LOL! He loves to be spoiled!”

this comes off as him being the feminine partner… I felt EWW!

triggered with myself… ‘gross’

really turned me off though!<<<

I felt repulsed and grossed out too, for different reasons. I've heard people talk to their dogs like that, and it sounds like mothering talk to me. It doesn't sound like something I would imagine being said about an adult man. Parents or grandparents spoil their little ones, but a grownup man?
*shiver*
Gives me the heebie jeebies.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:01pm
119: Turquoise says:

Radlove, I wonder if the age difference makes you want to mother him. The spoiled little prince made me think of a child or dog as well.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:04pm
120: Daria says:

i feel sad

i forgot to ask myself to express in a way that could be heard

what would that sound like

a whole lot more of feelings and less Directness and Instruction

but directness and instruction is FAST and efficient and gets information across efficiently to someone concentrating on a task who doesnt want a lot of distraction

hmm

its a masculine way of interacting with a masculine partner

wow cool

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:05pm
121: Belle says:

spoiled + “little prince”

curious
when I read “little prince” I think of..
people’s dogs and
chubby little boys wearing knickers and tights with big red cheeks and buckled black patent shoes.

okay
had enough triggers for the day, thanks!
off the interweb for the night
xoxoxoxox

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:06pm
122: Daria says:

a feminine way would be

mmm i feel so tired and i feel worried and unsure how to express this

and the truth is – i feel kinda icky readint that ‘spoiled prince stuff’

i feel worried its a turn off for a guy and i feel triggered remembering times i took a similar attitude towards a man… erggh

not something i want to do again…

itd feel so feminine to talk about how im a princess now and how i enjoy being spoiled by my man instead

without making him the ‘object of cherish’ even in return

ouch my chest feels tight

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:08pm
123: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise it was the live with me for a week comment. He might be a good man but that doesn’t mean he won’t be a boundary pusher and just want to do the minimum to keep you in his life. Why make the comment about living with him for a week when he keeps reinforcing that he does not want to jump into anything right away? Seems convenient and contradicting to me.

I believe I would take him seriously and let him know I would possibly live with someone if the relationship was headed __________(whereever I want it to go). That for me would be authentic and vulnerable. Also I am thinking he might be unconsciously fishing for information. Maybe he is not seeing any other man around so he might also be feeling pressure from himself.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:23pm
124: Dark horse says:

FW I’m curious about this statement ‘not seeing any other man around so feeling pressure from himself’ ….. If so I have totally messed up over the years I have been sure to let Lionman know that every single man friend I have is a friend and nothing more, I did that because he used to e so jealous and insecure in the beginning tht I wanted to reassure him. Guess what ended up happening … He is now surrounded by women I’m insecure and constantly wondering about the or rather in fact removing myself from th relationship as I won’t engage in competition for his time attention etc. thre I a lesson in there somewhere not sure what …

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:31pm
125: Dark horse says:

Question so the suggestions I was making to Radlove there about the blog etc is that masculine energy? Because I do that a lot with Lionman ie coming up with ideas for him and his business ugh that feels yucky now

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:33pm
126: Turquoise says:

FW, the conversation we were having wasn’t coming from a good place for him. He was having more of a poor me moment, that his life should be further ahead than it is and that he’s damaged from his terrible marriage. It felt really surprising actually, like out of no where that he said that. EXCEPT that when C was being a jerk, he said I could go stay with him if I needed to. (as in if C refused to leave, which didn’t happen) If it comes up again I would express that I am NOT looking for that right now. I’d have to feel extremely committed to a person to even consider living with them. It wouldn’t be a light decision for me. I thought I had shared that, but maybe he doesn’t believe me, as in all women really want that kind of thought. I’ve told him I’d want to be married or planning to get married to live with someone. So much of what I do, is because of my kids, even what I don’t do is because of them. It just threw me because it was out of the blue.

As far as doing the bare minimum to have me in his life, I don’t feel that at all. I see him almost daily, he texts regularly, calls me and we talk often, even though he says he hates it. He is super great to my kids, does favors for me, listens, and is very present in my life.

At first I thought, how hard could it be for him to get over a bad marriage, she was terrible to him…. but it is. He isn’t just saying he’s not ready, I see that he’s not. I’ve seen him with tears in his eyes, angry and want to punish her, and they have a 1 year old baby together that he feels extremely guilty they won’t be raising together. Even if he told me right now he loved me and wanted us to go for it, I’d have reservations and would feel it was a mistake, right now. But maybe in 6 months… who knows.

So, I really do need to CD, to not wait for him or put pressure and expectations, and who knows… maybe my Mr. Right is still out there, waiting for me to heal, totally get over C and be available to find me. And maybe it’s Mr. C and this will grow in time.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:45pm
127: Radlove says:

Daria,

112 – I seriously would like to talk to you about this further. It got really deep the other night about who spoils who. When the subject came up, he asked me how I would spoil a man?

I said I only divulge that to a man who spoils me first. It led into a huge, long discussion that felt really confusing. Could we skype about it sometime? (not now)

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:49pm
128: Femininewoman says:

Does a real man want to be spoiled?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 5:57pm
129: Dark horse says:

I feel that spoiling a man is emasculating. I feel that he feels good by having the power or means to spoil me that does not mean necessarily spending money it could mean indulging me a bit or telling me I am a princess in an nice teasing way.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 6:08pm
130: GingerSky says:

Hello, Sirenland I`ve moved back into town, and can now walk to a wifi location so can post soon. Missed you all & hope to shortly be back in the swing of commenting on blogs here once in awhile… much Sireny transformations for me here! It`s been good to fold inside myself a bit (and was eeing groundhogs close & personal, fo those into animal totems), though have been also very busy & indidated with people too. Love to all!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 6:14pm
131: Femininewoman says:

Welcome back Gingersky

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 6:30pm
132: Emoticon says:

where can i see it?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 6:36pm
133: Turquoise says:

Hi Gingersky… looking forward to your posts!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 6:37pm
134: Turquoise says:

It’s raining here… steadily, not TOO heavy. I really would like a man to show up at my doorstep, pull me out into the rain and kiss me. That would feel passionate, sensual and deep.

I want that universe… please send. Thank you!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 6:40pm
135: luzydel says:

What is “the talk” with a man? I’ve never had that…

I never had ask a man about marriage, or his intentions about it… Then I wonder if “D’s” lets take it slow approach is a way for him to be able to give less and still “keep” me around… Oh well I don’t know if I want commitment anymore, I am kinda back and forth about it. I don’t know if I can be with the same man for the rest of my life…

I do dream of a wedding, but I admit it is because of the symbolism, than because of the commitment. Once I saw D not putting hand towel where it belongs I started to panic inside, what if he is too much to handle? What if the other guys are too selfish? Ugh! I don’t know what I want, Do I want multiple partners, with no commitment? or Do I want just one man? Maybe I have not met the man who can fulfill all the aspects of my “ideal” man, Sexually, emotionally and intellectually… so I am just here finding pieces of that in the people I CD… I don’t want to settle!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 6:57pm
136: luzydel says:

Ugh! a man send me an email at POF and yuck! he looks dirty and unkept, I am feeling judgmental and conceited… I like a man who’s clean cut and smells good… I feel turned off…

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 7:01pm
137: sunshine says:

I feel so frustrated just now looked at my email about a teleclass Rori gave tonight! how fun booo I wish I wouldve checked my email sooner:(

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 7:05pm
138: Radlove says:

Daria,

112 – In Rori’s teleclass:

R: How would you spoil a man?

Rori’s suggestions:

How would you like to be spoiled?

It would feel great to spoil you any way you would like!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 7:39pm
139: Radlove says:

Sunshine,

137 – It was a good one! Thankfully, we can still hear the recording!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:00pm
140: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

125 – “Question so the suggestions I was making to Radlove there about the blog etc is that masculine energy? Because I do that a lot with Lionman ie coming up with ideas for him and his business ugh that feels yucky now”

I really welcomed it, I can tell you that much! It is somwhat masculine energy. I am guessing that Rori would suggest saying it something like this:

“If I were doing that, I would do it this way…”

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:03pm
141: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

119 – What do you think about Rori’s suggestion for handling R’s question about how I would spoil a man?

I sent her a follow up question after she answered it, but she was already a half hour overtime so she didn’t get to it. I asked her “No need to say anything about wanting to be spoiled by a man first? I felt like it was negotiation, needing a feminine vibe somehow. So I asked him how he would spoil a woman. Felt confused.”

It is an issue to me that R seems so interested in having a woman spoil him. But when we got into the discussion, he went on and on about asking me how I would like to be spoiled. All of it is too personal to lay out here.

But I felt surprised by Rori’s response.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:06pm
142: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

117 – More terrific suggestions! I especially like the idea of presenting it to him as a way we could help others. Because even tho he feels shut up inside, like a prison, his heart is also to help others.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:10pm
143: Radlove says:

FC,

111 – Thank you!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:11pm
144: Radlove says:

Belle,

I just finished Rori’s teleclass, and she talked about in a relationship, they are there to meet each other’s needs.

That’s less triggering to you?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:14pm
145: Radlove says:

Belle,

My notes from Rori about needs, in the context of resolving a conflict:

“Conflict: should I call? Give him time to get over it. Couple weeks. What were you doing? Because it is just going to happen again. If tell him he is a jerk, he will shut down. Learn how to use his language. Conflict is really unnecessary. Different needs. Everyone is about making sure the other’s needs get met.

How can we both get our needs met in this? Learn how to talk to a man in a different way. “

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:26pm
146: Laughing Goddess says:

Radlove 138

Wow! Nice turnaround on Rori’s part. She never ceases to amaze me.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:30pm
147: Turquoise says:

Radlove, I like her response to ask how he’d like to be spoiled. Sometimes our ideas or visions of something are totally different than there’s. Where we may think spoiling in terms of spending money and presents, he may feel that cooking him a special meal or offering to do something he hates, like grocery shopping is spoiling. I feel it’s very important to make someone you love feel special and appreciated. Of course, everything in balance…

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:35pm
148: Radlove says:

LG and Turquoise,

I appreciate your responses! Yes, I agree. Spoiling can take a lot of shapes. In the case of R and me the other night, it became a discussion of foreplay, during play, and after play, and it was beautiful and vital. But it felt like relationship negotiating, so it felt confusing in the face of him saying just friendship.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 8:42pm
149: Vi says:

Today I experimented babytalking to myself. Usually it’s only “me” who talks, expressing love to “her”, i.e. my little self. And today I asked for a feed back! First she didn’t even want to talk to me and felt defensive, and then said she doesn’t want me to love her. I felt sad to hear that and even mad and I said her how I felt and that I don’t want to fight with her. She was silent for a while and then said that okay I could love her a little. But just a little bit to begin with, as she doesn’t want to feel too stressed because she is not used to be treated this way. I promised that to her and we agreed that today I won’t wash my head till the evening but feed her a green apple and then I thanked her. Sigh. She still felt prickly and a little resentful and didn’t reply.

It felt good to know that there is a part of me that feels scared of my own love and it felt good to be aware of this part and honor this part of me. But all this talk between “me” and “me” feels soooo weird though. I feel uncomfortable and a little judgemental of myself. It’s okay though. (((((((((Vi)))))))))

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:00pm
150: Vi says:

I feel embarrassed to share that but at the same time it feels like releasing it and letting it go… thank you.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:02pm
151: Vi says:

Oh wow… I feel afraid ‘to spoil’ me …. *saucer eyes*

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:06pm
152: Emerson says:

Hello gingersky!!!!
Nice to “see” you

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:15pm
153: Radlove says:

Vi,

That is beautiful!

I started to have major breakthrough after I started doing something like that I read in a book. It said go to the mirror and say to yourself, “I love you and accept you, exactly the way you are.”

I cried the first few times and couldn’t do it. Now I do it fluently. It feels good.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:26pm
154: Radlove says:

Wow, I want to share my dialogue with R about spoiling each other, because I think it really is central to a relationship. But I feel way vulnerable, and it would hurt if I got comments that left me feeling misunderstood. So I”m not going to.

But I will just say that R is all about pleasing a woman, at least verbally. I just feel confused all in all. Because often his actions don’t feel aligned with his words, in many senses.

I think in this case, his point is he would treat his woman like a goddess or like the Queen of Sheba. But he is not calling ME his woman. So he is not treating me like that. Again, I feel confused. Because our discussion the other night felt like a negotiation of our relationship.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:30pm
155: Heart says:

Radlove – I feel a little confused by your relationship with R.
It sounds like an Imaginary Relationship.
Why are u so interested in this man?
And how long has this been going on?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 9:48pm
156: Emerson says:

Negotiation about a relationship feels “off” and It feel draining reading it

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:32pm
157: Emerson says:

Radlove thanks for sharing about looking in the mirror and saying I love you I’m going to try that !!!

Hmm It sounds like you are laser focusing on R and I know it’s hard to CD (for me it’s been a challenge) but one way I found that helps is that I have a really good male friend who is platonic that I hang out with a lot these days!! I really like it and I practice fm with him. He helps me all the time.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:42pm
158: Emerson says:

122 Daria I like this scripting

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:49pm
159: Emerson says:

Textcd has poofed

New potential cd who likes me comes from a very very wealthy family. He does not have a name yet. He has not made a move yet. I don’t have any idea how I feel about it except I feel a lil scared.

Wow I’m realizing how scared I am if i get married i may not to have my own safe space like my own lil apartment with just my stuff in it.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:52pm
160: Emerson says:

Ohh I miss having my own place now ….I don’t know if I will ever get it out of my system..wanting that space and solitude

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:54pm
161: Emerson says:

I feel tired nite nite

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 10:58pm
162: Radlove says:

Heart,

155 – I feel confused about my relationship with R, too. Confusion has felt at the center of it for 3.5 years now. And it is what brought me to Rori, and it is why I talk about him so much…trying to clear up the confusion.

The reasons I feel so interested in him:

I love the way his primary subject matter is about God, romance, sex, etc. Those are my topics of highest interest, too. And I feel so comfortable the way he goes back and forth with two-way conversation. Really, it is about his intelligence and personality. I feel fascinated and challenged at every turn!

I see him as head and shoulders above all other men. He is the strongest man I know. I admire his looks, his emotional intelligence, his grasp on psychology, his deep faith in God, his persistence, his insight to see the heart of me, beyond my shortcomings. I think he’s super! And all that in the midst of a perfect storm inside.

He is a one in a million amazing man with high level potential to bring healing on earth. He is the most wonderful man on earth. He is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, inside and out. He’s been tried in the fire and come forth as pure gold. His sensitive, tender heart is what I love most about him.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:01pm
163: Radlove says:

Emerson,

156 – I wonder why? Rori talks a lot about negotiating a relationship. She said tonight that if a couple can’t talk about really tough topics, then how can they have intimacy?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:02pm
164: Radlove says:

Emerson,

157 – You’re welcome! I am laser focused on R. I don’t want another man. But I am in contact with other CDs. Just not enthusiatic.

K is my other platonic friend and it feels good to bounce things off him, too. He is so goofy with me, and it’s fun. R was goofy with me tonight, too.

I talked with him further about what he would like to get spoiled with. After some other stuff, he said he would like to have his hiney spanked because he was a bad boy! LOL, it felt fun!

And it was so cool, because just tonight, Rori was talking about the value of PLAY in a relationship! So I told him I’d spank his hiney until it was red and stinging! LOL! !

Then I reminded him of the time in 2009 when I playfully grabbed his crotch, and his eyes got wide as he exclaimed in mock horror, “I’ve been violated!!”

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:06pm
165: Daria says:

Radlove: I want you to try this:

Play out this script to yourself. Notice the way energy is running in your body… How you feel, which way you’re leaning or feel compelled to, what parts are tight? What parts feel relaxed? Just notice, no need to change anything.

Man: How would you spoil a man?

Woman: How would you like to be spoiled?
Or
Woman: It would feel great to spoil you any way you would like!

Try both versions until you notice and can write down some of how you’re feeling in your body .

Now try:

‘I have started thinking of him as my spoiled little prince, LOL! He loves to be spoiled!’

Really say this fully, and not quickly, including the Lol, notice how you are leaning and feeling .

See if you can notice a difference between the first script a d this second one in your body.

Now say ‘I have started to think of myself as a princess. I feel do good being spoiled!’

Notice your posture heart rate, tightnesses, feeling again.

This can really be a huge tweak for you! Noticing these differences is all the subtelty needed to really be aware of what energy feels like for you, so that you can choose what works with guys and will get you faster healing.

Let me know what’s happening and what you noticed!

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:08pm
166: Radlove says:

Daria,

Can I email you something?

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:17pm
167: Emerson says:

163
To me negotiating feels tiring. Not saying its right or wrong maybe Rori talks about it. But I’m saying I feel tired at the idea.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:18pm
168: Radlove says:

Emerson,

I like the way Rori says to not think of things as right or wrong but as what works or doesn’t work.

For me, negotiating feels way scary and alien. I feel like I am walking thru a field of landmines in the dark! I want to heal that.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:20pm
169: Daria says:

Radlove – sure, but I won’t be in my enail to read it till later.

I feel curious if you’d be interested in or resistant to my suggestion to notice the feelings and the difference between the scripts above.

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:34pm
170: Heart says:

Radlove – 3.5 years? (((Radlove)))

Please oh please stop hurting yourself like this…
It’s painful to witness…

Monday, 27 August 2012 @ 11:37pm
171: Tam says:

I also feel concerned, Radlove, have done for some time actually. Perhaps I recognise some patterns that feel familiar to me and that I have worked hard to suppress and stop. The ‘chasing’, ‘hoping’, not taking ‘no relationship just friendship’ as an answer…

I am sure you know the man very well, but to us, some of the exchanges we read here (I should not be speaking for others..). So for me, some of the exchanges I read that you have with him, sound so painful. Like you are waiting for every little scrap and he is just returning one word answers and you dig further.

I really believe if you want to turn around the friendship dynamic, you need to change approach. If there is any hope. How can he miss you, want to hear from you etc when you seem to be all over him, on his case as it were?
And you put him on such a pedestal, like he is some sort of super human being, I was very concerned reading he could be a healer for the world…???
It’s like a full-blown infatuation and I had some of those and they usually landed me somewhere very painful.
Maybe he can ‘give’ more when you step back, like create a space for him?
I feel sad that I read more and more and more about how wonderful he is when the impression I get is that you are trying to get ‘blood out of stone’…
I feel worried that you are talking yourself into something and talking him into being something that he perhaps isn’t? Perhaps he is just a normal guy trying to do best he can with his problems and perhaps he does not want or need a relationship at all?
I hope this isn’t too harsh, I just feel concerned for you because you are a beautiful human being with so much to give and beautiful words and expressions…I do not want you to spend another 3.5 years putting someone else on the pedestal that you should be up on….
I just ask that you keep an open mind to the possibilities of finding a man who puts you on a pedestal, thinks you are amazing and chases you like crazy…and wants to give you everything…
please, stay open to that because you deserve NO LESS!!!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:11am
172: Tam says:

I feel bad for lecturing others. I am sorry if I have offended you Radlove.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:12am
173: Rebecca says:

Radlove

I fear you are not seeing all of R’s good and bad points. What do you think?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:32am
174: Rebecca says:

Radlove

Can I also ask, have you ever been in this sort of situation before?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:43am
175: Tam says:

Watching a film from the 1960′s (I am not well still and spending the morning coughing in bed..). There was a girl in a bikini just now, full figured and you could even see the cellulite on the back of her thighs. All the men stared at her and wanted to be with her in the film.
When did our concept of beauty get screwed up? She just looked like a normal and not skinny woman with a nice face…. Strange we should be so into lollipop-head women with bug boobs and tiny bodies nowadays. Totally flat stomachs, photoshopped cellulite free bodies. Unattainable perfection. Sad and boring!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:59am
176: Tam says:

Bug boobs, haha, ‘big’….

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:01am
177: Femininewoman says:

“He is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, inside and out. He’s been tried in the fire and come forth as pure gold”

This to me is beyond delusional. I even find myself questioning Daria’s integrity for seemingly encouraging this situation. 3.5 years later and doing what seems to be contrary to Rori’s teaching I wonder how people watching/reading this dynamic can feel confident using Rori’s tools. For me it brings everything into question.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:06am
178: Tam says:

FW, I feel similarly. In fact it reminds me of all the stuff I used to do pre-Rori, that actually pushed my guy way away from me.
It’s surprised me that he even came back!
I’d run a mile if the tables were turned.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:13am
179: Tam says:

I now know that I used to latch onto unavailable people because I was unavailable too. Not saying anyone else has the same issues, just that my eyes were opened recently…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:14am
180: Tam says:

I remember Rori posting as a reply to my message:
‘this is all about you’
And still I didn’t believe it until months later. We all have a different timeline for healing…..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:16am
181: Femininewoman says:

Only a mile?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:16am
182: Femininewoman says:

That’s great Tam. You are about your healing. This other dynamic is about desperately trying to get a man, regardless of the cost.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:19am
183: Tam says:

Ooh, those big 1960′s hips and thighs make me almost jealous….oh and they make me feel sooo non-guilty for having a big chunk of chocolate!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:24am
184: Tam says:

Thank you FW, but what concerns me is that one can’t get there by other people advising, explaining etc. I believed nobody deep down, until the penny dropped which came from within me….I feel sick thinking I could have gone on like this, unaware, for years to come – and run myself into the ground. Scary thought.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:28am
185: Femininewoman says:

Just saw an email from Alex Allman. It includes this from Rori

“I meet many women who value their spiritual beliefs and want to be with a man who SHARES their values and spiritual interest and commitment.

And it’s SO EASY to mistake the friendship that can grow between two people who worship in the same way, who care about the same things, for a passionate, emotional bond.

And yet, all that will get you – at best – is a deep friendship. He’ll tell everyone what a great woman you are, but he won’t be dreaming about you night after night or longing to hold you in his arms.

The Right Way To Inspire His Devotion: Connecting Through His Heart!

In order to connect with a man’s HEART, so he’ll feel compelled to be with you and worship and adore you the way you deserve, you have to drop down into YOUR heart first. Once he feels your heart, he’ll open up his, creating a heart-to-heart connection

that begins with expressing your feelings and being your most feminine, authentic self.”

Nowhere in her writing have I ever read her encouraging a woman to worship a man.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:31am
186: Femininewoman says:

From a male coach:-

“You’re not saying, “Oh…you remind me of someone I’m CRAZY ABOUT”,
or “I know someone who’s just like you…awesome and sexy.”

That sort of thing would be both needy AND a bit creepy if you ask me.”

So why do we do it?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:37am
187: Goldenflower says:

Hello sirens. I have been on holidays and had a long break from most of my online things inc Blog. It’s good to be back. I am now in an exclusive relationship with Bearman. I am not CD with actual dates but I am remaining open to men and CD myself. It is what feels best to me at present. I am feeling great and happy and given to fully by this man. He is by far the most giving man I have been with, and he is very masculine.

He tells me he loves to take care of people, he loves to take care of me and make me happy. He has mentioned marriage a couple of times as a jokey kind of way, like he is testing the subject to see how I feel about marriage. Early on in our CD he texted me- would I mind if he put my name on his friends birthday card, it doesnt mean we’re engaged or anything! Then recently I was talking to him about taking things slow and building trust and he said, so the wedding’s off then, as a joke. I feel like he will ask me if I beleive in marriage soon so I want to be prepared and script it as well as I can.
Perhaps: I feel marriage is very important to me and something I would want for myself.
I also want to say something along the lines
of: I would want to be married if I were to live with someone again. I want the full enchilada (does this sound too masc).
Any comments welcome, xx

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:47am
188: Rebecca says:

FW, I agree with this statement..

I like the way Rori says to not think of things as right or wrong but as what works or doesn’t work.

For me, negotiating feels way scary and alien. I feel like I am walking thru a field of landmines in the dark! I want to heal that.

I feel sad… I feel drained… I feel like going round in ever decreasing circles and darkness…

I agree with your comment about Rori’s tools…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:47am
189: Goldenflower says:

129: Dark horse says:
I feel that spoiling a man is emasculating. I feel that he feels good by having the power or means to spoil me that does not mean necessarily spending money it could mean indulging me a bit or telling me I am a princess in an nice teasing way.

I am interested in what others think on the spoiling thing, if it’s ever a good thing to give as we all know we can. I recall Rori saying that it’s Ok to spoil on his birthday only. What about if he is ill, I wanted to pamper and spoil him the other day when he had to rest his foot and was in pain. What is the Rori rules on when he is unwell?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:51am
190: Rebecca says:

Ooops! Lol, I meant to say… FW I AGREE with this comment:

“He is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, inside and out. He’s been tried in the fire and come forth as pure gold”

This to me is beyond delusional. I even find myself questioning Daria’s integrity for seemingly encouraging this situation. 3.5 years later and doing what seems to be contrary to Rori’s teaching I wonder how people watching/reading this dynamic can feel confident using Rori’s tools. For me it brings everything into question.

Spot on!! ever decreasing circles…

Ignore my previous post..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:51am
191: Tam says:

I also have real trouble negotiating, but I look fwd to try it out and learn.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:51am
192: Rebecca says:

I feel with myself, imaginary relationships are about ways if getting attention. I want to have all those feelings of love and passion.

I wonder what this is bringing up for me to heal… It really touches a deep nerve inside of me.. (((((me)))))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:03am
193: Rebecca says:

I feel scared writing this…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:06am
194: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca be careful of how you agree with me so when the tornado hits you don’t get caught in the winds

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:22am
195: Femininewoman says:

Goldenflower after he has given a 1000 times over to erase doubts and confusion about his intentions, then yeah. Especially when he asks for something specific that he really needs. That is me.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:26am
196: ruth says:

Just popping to say Hello

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:35am
197: Tam says:

Hello Ruth!!
How was your holiday?
All ok with you??

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:42am
198: Rebecca says:

FW

Maybe you are right. Hopefully though it is about me growing as a person and seeking to express myself in a stronger more confifent voice, and not always feeling so ‘scared’ of standing up for myself … (((me)))

I want to feel more confident in giving my opinion. I have a problem with feeling people are talking ‘down’ to me in a condecending way.

BUT the point is to hold the mirror up to myself in all this ?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:45am
199: Dark horse says:

Last night I had a dream about being a spy in the war and knowing where there were landmines. It was about trusting my instincts and my intuition. Also in the dream a horse came up to me to show me it’s wounded leg it knew I could help it.

It’s interesting what is getting triggered here for me now. I don’t believe Daria is encouraging anything other than radloves exploration of her own femininity. R is the man in front of Radlove right now so he is the one she is practicing all these tools on practicing being the operative word. We all arrive here with varying degrees of skills in this area and are here because we want to learn more.

Radlove I want to say to you that on some level you trust yourself and you know what you are doing. Yes you are willing to take suggestions but you know best and you know this situation best. I think it is very possible that all the texting and talking and discussing r does about relationships is him having a relationship. Have you considered he may not ever be able to move it beyond that? this may be where he feels most comfortable.

Keep on your path, keep moving forward and keep the focus on you. That benefits everyone.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:49am
200: Rebecca says:

Mind you, I know I have spent endless hours, months, years listen and advise friends on their ‘relationships’ ONLY for them to completely ignore my advice and just do their own thing anyway. In the end they always ended up going off with someone else and I felt so sad and used that all my time trying to support them had been wasted. As soon as they got their act together I never saw them again, they had only wanted me as a shoulder to cry on. I feel sad thinking about this…

Why do I allow my buttons to be pushed?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:52am
201: Heart says:

Sirens – I wrote CuddleyGrinch and told him I would meet up but not exactly sure what day since I was feeling a little sick..he was supersweet and understanding…

But then he was tagged again by another girl (his friend) in a photo….He was out with that girl and another guy But still it feels Awful.
I feel awful and jealous and angry and sad.
I don’t get how I’m seeing his tagged pics….they never showed up before.

I’m just going to make up excuses about work and Not see him anymore….I Don’t get Why he contacts me and asks me out…
He’s horrible…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:53am
202: Rebecca says:

.. I don’t think this so called friend ever asked me about my live life either. When I did try and talk to her she would often make fun of me, and I would feel stupid and naive in her prescence. I often felt that all she wanted me for was to off load her emotional problems. She always had a way of talking to me like I was really stupid. I don’t think I’ve ever quite got over it and I’ve always had a chip on my shoulder about it.

When we fell out she emailed me a huge long list of all my faults and told me how everyone hated me.. (( oh, I feel sad remebering that…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:57am
203: Dark horse says:

FW I feel triggered by this comment Rebecca be careful how you agree with me etc

It implies to me that Rebecca should just go with whatever way the wind is blowing instead of speaking her truth? Integrity hmmmmm ……

I feel scared now saying this like FW you are big and powerful and you will blow me in a gust of wind away for challenging you. I feel small and dark but I’ll do it anyway (((((((darkhorse, brave little darkhorse)))))))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:58am
204: Rebecca says:

*love life

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:58am
205: Rebecca says:

*remembering

Lol, my spelling and grammar on a Smart phone. I find typing so tedious..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:02am
206: Heart says:

wow I feel ok now…..that pain felt kind of amazing…I think CuddleyGrinch showed up in my life to help me to deal with Jealousy…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:05am
207: Rebecca says:

Mmm..

My advice to this friend was ‘ignored’, and I felt used. And I let it go on too long because I was unable to clearly set ‘boundaries’ and say ‘no’.

I felt like a ‘talking post’ to this friend.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:06am
208: Heart says:

I feel calm, centered and in control now…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:07am
209: Heart says:

ps – I haven’t heard from New Guy

Damn! He was So Hot!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:10am
210: Daria says:

Heart – I feel sad and confused hearing that…

Does he look romantic with the woman in the picture?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:11am
211: Tam says:

And what if he is intentionally trying to make you jealous….

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:27am
212: Tam says:

Jeepers, one of my more hopeful CD’s from FL, now just an email CD, just told me that my way of communicating has made him open up more than a woman he was in a relationship for 11/2 years with.
I feel happy to hear it as I have been working so hard on myself to be more open.
At the same time I feel compassion for the unknown woman because I also never let anyone see my feelings, or let them come close….
((((woman)))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:32am
213: Rebecca says:

I feel sad whenever I think of this friend, because she would always completely disregard my advice, almost laughingly mock it, and just do her own thing. (almost the opposite of what I would suggest). And then she wouls say ‘But Rebecca, I did DO what you suggested. And see it didn’t work’. And we would just go round and round in circles, because she wasn’t really doing what I suggested. Then she would also tell me what a great friend I was and how much I had helped her! Inside I grew more and more exasperated…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:43am
214: Radlove says:

Daria,

169 – I haven’t shared full information. I feel misunderstood because of that.

Heart,

I feel the same. I feel shut down. I feel a pang of ouch in my heart.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:52am
215: Turquoise says:

Good morning sirens,

Mr. Conversation did start texting me last night and came over, and while I did get some kisses, it wasn’t the pull me out into the rain kind.

I’m feeling a little frustrated with him. He often assumes he knows what I’m thinking, feeling, or that I have some master plan. Why is it so hard to just be in the moment and enjoy our time together? It’s what he said he wanted…. he thinks I want us to have this big brady bunch family. Which, yes, someday I’d like to get remarried and if they had kids, would wnat everyone to get along and be happy together, but I don’t expect that right now. It’s only been a summer. I’m not a rush into something deep person. I’m more careful than that.

I didn’t lean back far enough, didn’t plan to or expect to see him… and ended up mostly feeling frustrated. He doesn’t believe I understand him, or that anyone can, because he’s complex and doesn’t always understand himself. I believe I do, but obviously me saying that doesn’t make him feel better or closer to me.

I have to get ready for work…. but do need to work through these frustrated feelings. Maybe I STILL want more than he can give, just because I want the possibility and potential of something serious. I need a date with someone else. I don’t wnat to be lazer focused either.

There is a nice guy who’s been emailing me and we text a little bit. He hasn’t asked to meet me yet, and it’s been a few weeks…. but he did send me a good night, sweet dreams text last night that felt sweet. It just feels…. uneventful because it’s moving so slowly. I’ve been hearing from a lot of men on POF, some repeats that I haven’t met before. Some way too young… but the ones I’d be interested in meeting, live further away, and I’m so spoiled with the 1.5 miles that it really seems like the others are just “too far.”

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:57am
216: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

198 – No, this is not R having a relationship. He maybe knows he can’t handle a committed relationship right now. I can’t say what is in his mind, but I know he wants be a husband and father very much. He is just in this struggle, and I think I am one of his ways to relax and keep safe and sane in the midst of his storm inside.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:57am
217: Radlove says:

In general, I am feeling increasingly shut down about R on the blog. It is understandable if women are tired of hearing me discuss him.

I am going to say this the best I can, because I don’t know how to say it in feeling messages. For years, I have said, “You don’t get an accurate perception of reality when you assume the worst.”

Anymore, the slightest thing I write and I feel almost attacked, even tho it comes in the form of loving and caring. I know you all love and care, but I don’t like it when someone assumes the worst of me.

I was NOOOOTTTTTTT saying that I was spoiling him and that he was playing the part of the girl. I was grappling with how to address his discussion about being spoiled. And I don’t feel emotionally safe to share that text conversation on the blog, for this very reason, so I’m not going to do it.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:01am
218: Turquoise says:

Radlove,

He’s your mancrack… so easy to get addicted, I know… and have that potential in me too. The thing is, addictions aren’t good for us. Moderation is good for us. Kick that pedestal out from under him and see him how he is. A man, with an illness, who has the potential to be what you want or give you what you want, but can’t or won’t right now. That is all you need to remember, he can’t give you what you want right now. So, why not have other wonderful things and people in your life that you spend just as much time with and on?

For as much as you love him right now, and how gushing you are… most of us have heard the other side of that this relationship does to you when he pulls it away. That is the scary part. To see this cycle happen over and over again, and for us who are waiting for the ship to crash, again. And for you to feel manipulated and voilated and fooled. We don’t want that for you.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:03am
219: Tam says:

(((Radlove)))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:05am
220: Femininewoman says:

Wise words Turq

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:09am
221: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

173-4 = “I fear you are not seeing all of R’s good and bad points. What do you think?”

I have spent way too much time on the blog pointing out R’s bad points. I feel no need to “balance” out my compliments of him with bad points. Of course I see both sides. Of course I am concerned. But I choose to look beyond his shortcomings and love the precious man inside who truly is beautiful.

Have I ever encountered what before? Chances are, no, because in many ways, R is like the first relationship I ever really had.

Most of my relationships before him were long distance with men in prison. There have been so many firsts for me with R. That’s why I’m on here like an 18 year old at times, instead of a 48 year old. (((Me)))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:09am
222: Dark horse says:

(((((Radlove)))))) I hear that you are feeling invalidated. Is that accurate? Your perception is valid. As valid as anyone’s here including mine.

What would help you feel validated? What would feel good to you? How can we be of best help to you?

What is it that you get from Rori that you are not getting here on the blog? I sense that perhaps she totally accepts you and doesn’t try to change you but maybe suggests alternatives? What is it that she does that is so healing? I would learn from your description of her actions as I sense deep loyalty to her from your posts. Is it that you feel seen and understood by her? Xo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:15am
223: Tam says:

217 – Turqouise, such a good post.
And a good reminder for those of us – me also – who used to or still thrive on mancrack.
I realise that now, hearing or not hearing from a man does not ruin my day or make my day amazingly good anymore…and that is how I want to keep it.
I want to be the provider of my own happiness and sanity, and a relationship/man to compliment that.
I am not the whole way there, and it’s a very difficult path and one reason why the no dating for a few weeks has done me the world of good….
I feel on the road to recovery, and I really cringe when I see the man-crack stuff happening. My fears come back up: ‘will this happen to me again when I fall in love?’.
I so so hope that it won’t.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:15am
224: Radlove says:

Tam,

171 – I feel misunderstood, not offended. I know you mean well and that you care, and I appreciate that.

I did NOT say “healer for the world”, I said something like bring healing to the world. I myself try to bring healing to the world every day. Again, it’s that “assume the worst” syndrome that leaves me feeling like I’m banging my head against the wall in an effort to feel understood.

Rori brings healing to the world, my dog brings healing to the world, my 80 year old mom in a nursing home brings healing to the world.

Beyond that, I feel grossly misunderstood as well. I don’t put him in a pedestal. I feel deep frustration, and my self talk is saying, “You’re dam/ned if you do and dam/ned if you don’t.” If I say negative things about R, I feel criticized. If I say positive things about R, I feel criticized.

So my solution will be to stop talking about R on the blog for the most part.

I do want to let Turquoise, Dark horse, and the restof you know that I discussed having a blog about being a friend to a schizophrenic last night, and I felt amazed at how open he was to it!!!!

I won’t start it until I am working and financially stable. But he gave me no resistance whatsoever, and seemed more cheering me on, because he truly DOES have a heart to bring healing to people. I feel good that he trusts me this much. I welcomed him to be a part of it to the extent that he chooses.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:18am
225: Rebecca says:

Tam, you said:

I feel on the road to recovery, and I really cringe when I see the man-crack stuff happening. My fears come back up: ‘will this happen to me again when I fall in love?’.
I so so hope that it won’t.

Yes, I agree with this wholeheartedly, I think it’s why I feel so triggered and I don’t want to sound all preachy because I’m scared that I could and often am in the same situation.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:27am
226: Radlove says:

(((Dark horse)))

221 – Thank you so much. Just reading that, I feel validated. Yes, I am not feeling validated.

I feel like I did as a child when we were singing a simple song and I made up a verse, “I’m as free as a bird can be!” I shared it with the teacher, and she said, “I”m as free as the birds and bees?” with a little laugh, like I was just a stupid child who didn’t know what she was talking about.

Well, I don’t have daily access to Rori, but I had one one-on-one session with her in the past and in taking the Love Forever Teleclass, I was able to email her a little. I told her my basic intuition told me that while R is saying just friendship, just friendship, his actions are saying that he is most definitely considering me as his future wife. I gave her a few examples to demonstrate why I believed that.

I felt really validated when she said, “B, I believe you.”

This is NOT a usual relationship.

I guess what makes me feel validated by R is when I tell him something, he weighs it in light of all I have told him in the past. So with any given situation, we have already looked at it from all angles, like looking thru the many facets of a diamond. Then when I introduce a new facet, it is in balance and that one new facet isn’t blown out of proportion.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:28am
227: Dark horse says:

That’s wonderful Radlove! I feel excited for the possibilities for you and I’m glad your friend is supportive and open to it I can feel your world opening up! You could also have a section about the roles animals play in soothing those with mental illness, PTSD, autism etc. have you done any therapeutic dog training? I have seen how dogs work with veterans coming back from the war and how amazing their relationships are with their dogs. It made me cry seeing it.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:30am
228: Tam says:

223 Radlove, I trust that you know what is best for you, even if some of us on here might not see that right now.
Only you know whether this man is able to give you what you need and whether the time you spend focusing on him is furthering you in your life.
I really hope and wish that it all turns out well for you.

I would be really very interested what Roris view is on all this. I wonder if we can get her to chip in, because in some ways I do feel weird reading about you and R and feel it has the capacity of throwing some of us off our horse of not focusing on one man so much. I am totally guilty of doing that btw., and I have caught myself thinking that ‘well if she thinks it’s ok and doing her good…maybe it’s not so wrong’ but I don’t want to think like that.

In the end we are all adults and here to look out for each other, not press our views down on the other person….but still, I would love to know what Rori has to say. What did she say Radlove?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:33am
229: Tam says:

oh, I saw you posted ‘I believe you B’…is that all?
Interesting!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:35am
230: Dark horse says:

Radlove Thanks for sharing and I get it.

I think unless someone has walked in your shoes they can only bring their own experience to it. We are all trying the best we can.

I have heard that some mental illness can be like looking at life thru a prism so that things have multi facets and can be confusing and just fractions off. Walking in that world with someone who has mental illness can be deeply confusing. I have a little experience in that regard. All we can do is set our own boat straight for the lighthouse and be sure we have a good anchor not to be pulled off course by their internal storm.

Anyway. Hugs to you

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:35am
231: Rebecca says:

I’m wondering, do things work out on there own eventually, anyway?

My friend eventually went off with another guy like her previous guy had never existed. I think I do that too.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:42am
232: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

217 – I am bowing out. Thank you for caring.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:45am
233: Dark horse says:

(((((tam)))))

I can sense your kindness. And you Turquoise! Such lovely sirens … All here are such lovely sirens I’m learning so much.

It’s raining here and I’m going to have a quiet day with my animals. I feel like snuggling up in bed with them and watching a movie! I’m so glad I work for myself and can do that on occasion.

I think what I was trying to share in my story about the shoe
was it was Law of attraction in effect.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:48am
234: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

229 – I feel validated in most of this post, but this part, again, I feel completely misunderstood:

“I have heard that some mental illness can be like looking at life thru a prism so that things have multi facets and can be confusing and just fractions off.”

I was using the facets of a diamond as an analogy. It is an analogy that I originally learned in 1990 from the most intelligent man I ever met, a US attorney, who gave me some priceless life advice. In context, he said, “Keep an open mind. Never be too sure about anything” He was encouraging me to see a situation from all angles, like looking at a diamond thru multiple facets.

I feel frustrated. This is the number one reason I feel so close to R…I feel completely understood by him.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:48am
235: Dark horse says:

233 interesting. I definitely agree keeping an open mind is a good thing.

I actually wasn’t meaning to contradict you at all but I can see how you might feel like that as I used a similar analogy. I’m not even sure I got it right. I think it was from a book I read ages ago about bipolar disorder.

I guess there are multiple ways of looking at things that arent necessarily right or wrong. But then there are some universal truths? Or are there?

Now I’m thinking too much and I want to go back to feeling.

I feel sleepy and a little bit like the weather is making me feel headachy.

Hmm interesting it’s like I feel safer feeling. I suddenly don’t feel safe thinking, analyzing, … Like my feelings are mine and they can be trusted.

((((darkhorse)))) thanks for trying!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:00am
236: Rebecca says:

Righty ho! I’m off to do some housework! Back later!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:05am
237: Tam says:

Hey darkhorse
feels nice to read about you, the animals and snuggling!!!
I am kind of doing the same but feeling guilty as I should be working. I do a part time job mainly working for myself but attached to a company and I feel guilty. But I am sick too and have not slept for two nights (bad cough), so I am going to snuggle a bit too…you inspired me

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:06am
238: Rebecca says:

Yay, baby steps for me… Back to earth with a thump after my lovely holiday.. Feeling over welmed by stuff to do… Feeling tired at the thought of it all. Feeling scared to fail.. Feeling ‘not good enough’. Comparing myself to others today…

Baby steps me…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:08am
239: Dark horse says:

Hi tam! I totally get about feeling guilty too BUT I swore to myself when I came on this blog to start being really nice to myself every day and to listen to my body. So I am indulging myself! I hope your cough gets better.

Recently I read a mom of an artistic boy said if we show compassion to others and not to ourselves we will burn out.I am feeling burnt out these days. I want to be kind to myself. I am really feeling good about hugging myself on this blog!, ha ha! I think I’ll hug myself again ((((( little darkhorse))))))

Tam what did you think re my story of the restraint in Berlin? I still think it was so strange.

I feel excited for you about what cd said about you opening him up. Can you say specifically what you did? Like talking to him about your feelings about everything or about feelings about relationships?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:17am
240: Dark horse says:

Um restaurant not restraint! Although there was restraint!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:18am
241: T-Girl says:

Turq, regarding the “master plan” I think men feel this way about women, especially if that man has been hurt. I can’t tell you how many times J mentioned my “agenda” when really there was none at all. I just heeded words from Dominique’s teleclass letting me know to just give hI’m time and he will see my true colors.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:19am
242: Tam says:

238..darkhorse…yes, I am also trying to be kinder to myself but I feel outright lazy these days…I am kind of leaning back in all areas of my life when I used to struggle so hard and not listen to my body…I think the lazy feeling is just a bunch of NV’s!

The Berlin story is totally strange…I have no idea what to make of it …

Funnily enough, no I can’t say what I did with the CD guy. I think rather than just saying ‘I am fine’ when he asked me how I was, and how my day was etc. I started telling him with feeling messages what is going on in my life. Not so much facts. But how I feel.
Rori stuff basically, I use the men for practice now.
With him it totally worked to open him up and he told me about his past relationship and how he did not feel valued and so on. And then he said ‘I don’t know why I am telling you all this because I have told nobody before’ and I am thinking that Rori’s stuff does work.

Ok, now I have to go and get some medicine or I will cough my little heart out…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:23am
243: Dark horse says:

Sirens a question. When we share I feel, what do you think it is my understanding that we are in feminine energy inviting him to be the thinking doing energy. But I have also read some sirens saying their men start sharing feelings. I presume that’s good but I’m confused. Lionman is very into his feelings and I am having some success with me sharing more of my feelings and inviting him to be decisive and more action based. But should I be asking him to share his feelings? Oh im all confused!

There are men working here today I’m going to practice on them

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:24am
244: Tam says:

Incidentally, and interestingly…all my CD’s have at one point or other fired back a feeling message to me, after practicing with them…sooner or later they do it. I noticed that. Case of mirroring or opening up or both.
The only man who never used a feeling message back or even close to opening up was MrP. He loves me doing it, but it hasn’t inspired him to open up. Unless it has been in ways that are kind of indirect (sending me a song etc).
Very interesting. He once said ‘I am an ice block’.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:30am
245: Daria says:

Rad love – okay if u want to email me i will check my email later tonite wen I have better Internet

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:42am
246: Femininewoman says:

Dark Horse I don’t feel challenged by you. I feel challenged thinking about “grabbing a ‘friend’ in the crotch”. I can’t help but wonder if that is the kind of play Rori encourages women to do. I wonder about “spanking” a friend on the hiney as “play”. I wonder about sharing with a friend about being a soft pillow for a man to fall “dick first”.

I have read about women feeling turned off by a man taking another woamn’s hand to his pe!nis. I have read about other women being discouraged about pulling their partner in for a kiss. So yes integrity comes up as a question for me when the man is “a friend”. I have seen so much reinforcement about getting that it is not a romantic relationship that yes I question a lot of things I read here.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:48am
247: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise I believe Mr. C makes those assumptions because he feels so close and accepted by you. It would be great for your self-esteem if you could figure out what the feelings of frustration are trying to tell you about yourself.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:58am
248: Radlove says:

Tam,

227 – Ok, I’ll share what Rori wrote me in an email, and I feel really vulnerable, because part of me just wants to end this discussion. I just spent over an hour going thru her emails. It will take me some time, because I need to edit out names, etc.

And just now I got a call from my Mom, and she needs me. To be continued, probably tonight or tomorrow.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:01am
249: Femininewoman says:

Tam what I remember from Rori is that when you speak from your feelings one of the things a man experiences is that you as a woman respects his thinking and opinions.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:01am
250: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

226 – “That’s wonderful Radlove! I feel excited for the possibilities for you and I’m glad your friend is supportive and open to it I can feel your world opening up! You could also have a section about the roles animals play in soothing those with mental illness, PTSD, autism etc. have you done any therapeutic dog training? I have seen how dogs work with veterans coming back from the war and how amazing their relationships are with their dogs. It made me cry seeing it.”

I really like this! I worked with autistic kids for 4 years, along with those diagnosed as “mentally handicapped” and “emotionally disturbed”.

So I can have sections or separate blogs for friends of them, too! I had a lot of success with kids!

I am not good at training dogs, tho, LOL. Got to work on that one.

As I read thru Rori’s emails from February, she encouraged me at every turn to start a blog. I’ve been intending to for some time! I mean, 1.5 to 2 years ago!

So even more motivation. Rori said a blog is a good base from which to build a business.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:06am
251: Radlove says:

Daria,

244 – Thank you!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:07am
252: Tam says:

Hmmm…interesting. I would only feel safe ‘grabbing a man’s crotch’ in a playful way if he was my boyfriend…never ever a friend. That feels like a big violation of boundaries to me. But that’s just my view.

I certainly would not do that with a friend, ever. And I wouldn’t do that with MrP either, even though we were having an on-off relationship. I have a lot of respect for him, and I know he would see that as an aggressive action, being so masculine. I wouldn’t dare. He would not find that funny at all, well who knows.
He does try to get physical with me all the time, although luckily in more subtle ways.

But even so, should he want only friendship even that is going to stop, I will tighten up my boundaries. It’s not that I don’t like it, but it gives the impression that I am happy to be played with outside a relationship – and I am not really.
Friendship is friendship. Goes both ways.

I would also be aghast if one of my male friends grabbed one of my boobs, or my crotch. I’d probably slap him for being so surprised….I’d be shocked frankly.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:08am
253: Tam says:

247 – Radlove, I would really appreciate if you would post what Rori’s view are on the situation, just because I feel it might help some of us too.
But if you feel uncomfortable doing it or it takes you a lot of time that you can’t spare then I understand also
It’s all good!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:13am
254: Tam says:

Rori’s email..so so true!! here goes:

When you chase a man, you don’t give him the chance to show you how he really feels about you. And my experience has shown that the only way to really be sure of where his heart is at is by creating the space he needs to pursue you.

Lure Him, Don’t Chase Him

For a man to feel like he wants to get closer to you, he needs to feel good around you. And the way he feels good around you is when he pleases you. As long as you seem happy to see him and tell him how much you enjoy his company, most men will keep coming back for more.

Stay in your feminine energy by being receptive and open to his attention.

When he sees that you’re a woman who’s secure in herself and doesn’t need to pursue him, he’ll be encouraged to step up his game so another man doesn’t beat him to the chase.

Once you’re in a committed relationship with one man, letting him take the lead and continuing to be receptive to him will fuel his passion for you.

He will adore you and appreciate you, and you will be able to relax in the knowledge that you are a desirable creature he’d be a fool to take for granted.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:17am
255: ruth says:

Hi tam
Still on hols
But i am feeling good thankyou
two more marathons done and lots of friends seen, which is good

The blog feels intrigiung today and a litle bit edgy

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:28am
256: bloom-ing says:

silly emk speaking some truth:

I am a confident, honorable, commitment-oriented man – the kind that you should want to marry, the kind you need to understand.

And I can tell you two things right now that you should never forget:

Your confidence is your most attractive quality. The only man who wants to date an insecure woman is a bad man – because he knows that he can mistreat her and that she’ll never go anywhere. Good men have absolutely no patience for women who are jealous or fearful. If you can’t leave us when you’re being mistreated, we have no respect for you and we certainly wouldn’t want to marry you.

You have all the power. Not him. If you’ve remotely bought into the myth that men have power because THEY ask you out, THEY make the first move, THEY make more money, THEY have more options, THEY propose, then you’ve already lost the battle. Because THEY can’t do ANYTHING without YOUR permission. You can say no at any point in time and opt out of his subpar behavior.

In other words, if you believe you’re VALUABLE, you never have to worry about whether he VALUES you.

If he’s treating you right, he does. If he’s not, you’re out the door.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:30am
257: ruth says:

238
darkhorse
so true about burn out

Been there, got the t shirt

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:30am
258: k2012 says:

On Rori’s last blog, the one immediately before this one about dating pitfalls, I said that I had a folder in my email box called relationship issues which contains articles written by Rori and Christian Carter. Last night right after writing that, I found an article that Christian Carter sent to me “the Ultimate breakup cure”. Boy was it helpful. I will copy and paste it later.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:30am
259: Dark horse says:

I am naturally a very shy person. I like that about myself. I feel I am sensitive to others boundaries. I feel confident in my ability to say no to myself if it is not good for me and no to others if it feels bad to me. I only accept touch from others that feels good to me. I only receive massages from certain people that feel safe to me. I only touch if it’s invited. I am naturally reticent. I like that in others too it feels safe to me.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:32am
260: bloom-ing says:

hi, ruth !

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:36am
261: Femininewoman says:

bloom-ing EMK has made some valuable points

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:37am
262: bloom-ing says:

radlove, i felt terrified reading the grab the crotch & then his i’ve been violated……. ahhhh i feel like screaming & running away. i feel very sensitive & i don’t want to be touched in a shocking way.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:38am
263: bloom-ing says:

i agree, femininewoman – “silly” only because of his (to me) hyperbolic “let your man love strip clubs” mentality : ))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:39am
264: ruth says:

Hi Bloom-ing

I guess i have some catching up to do on the previous Blog

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:40am
265: Tam says:

Ruth, I just don’t understand how you can run one marathon after the other like it is a little three mile run.

Please explain!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:40am
266: ruth says:

Crotch grabbing

Hmmm

Not sure

Though for me its okay for my maile friends to pat my bottom as a joke

(they cant really miss itLOL)

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:41am
267: Tam says:

oooh blooming:

‘he knows that he can mistreat her and that she’ll never go anywhere’

that was me. now the dynamics have changed. I feel exciting what will show up for me now that I AM going somewhere in my life…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:42am
268: ruth says:

Tam, I cant!

I suffered like mad and walked loads
its too humid here
the first marathon took 5 hrs 22 and the thirty miles 2 days later took 5 hours 53

I did however get some stupendous pictures

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:42am
269: bloom-ing says:

april rose, i thought of another way that looks like (being a baby) — have you seen the movie “the fifth element” ? that girl is a baby in the world : )

so funny how twist-y the world is…. after you & i were talking about that, i was thinking about that movie… & then out of nowhere cd starts saying, you remind me of the girl in the fifth element & laughing because “she is a weird-o even in a sci-fi world” lol : )

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:43am
270: Tam says:

258 – darkhorse, that’s beautiful…I find myself in those words also!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:43am
271: April Rose says:

I feel swirly, wispy tendrils of acrid smokey sadness inside my ribs.
Misty longing softens my eyes and they are wet with the beginnings of silent, unspoken despair.

I would not be feeling like this if I had not seen him today

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:44am
272: Tam says:

267 – ok Ruth, so you are quite sane, happy to hear it

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:44am
273: April Rose says:

Thank you, strange unnerving man, man with delicious hands, man with cruel eyes.
I asked you why you had shown up in my life.
You looked at me, your gaze reaching into my belly and offering no pleasures.
You asked me the same question.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:46am
274: ruth says:

Yes Quite sane

Thats me

Just feeling a bit-used up!

(((((((((April Rose)))))))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:48am
275: Femininewoman says:

OMG (((Ruth)))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:56am
276: April Rose says:

bloom-ing, dear sweet baby, thank you for bringing me home to the world of ladies and babies and sweet soft femininity….
oh, into my own heart I go….

I have squeezed my mind ‘out’ into him. I feel so entranced in front of those funny blue eyes, shiney with steel weapons and gestapo power. I felt so much weeping in my tummy. I feel the whole world, the movement of peoples and forces unseen.

In my mind I cast him as the dark and I am the light. I feel indescribably moved. I forget that we are just two humans standing in a feel next to some old bales of hay.

I feel mystified.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:57am
277: April Rose says:

hahaaa

in a feel! I meant in a field. but yes, we were standing in a feel

haha

tomorrow I ‘escape’

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:00am
278: Tam says:

ugh, April Rose:

‘blue eyes, shiney with steel weapons and gestapo power’ …I feel that I know this man!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:01am
279: April Rose says:

RUTH!

So happy to see you again. Yay!

(((((((Ruth))))))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:01am
280: ruth says:

Right
i have attempted to read back the last blog

Tam amd Smile-you go girls! I love the attitude.yes, you are great prizes!

Re the sexual health stuff.Hm, its as well i am in my current situation as i *hate* condoms with a passion

To me they feel icky and stop you getting close to the man

not really an issue now, but I was a touch silly in the 1980s.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:03am
281: Tam says:

A-R you’re escaping?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:03am
282: Calypso says:

JC called me last night – I was home alone watching the movie, “Friends With benefits” and crying like a baby when he called – It was so funny when I told him what I was doing – he was so sweet! I had to put the phone down and go blow my nose just so he could understand me when I talked – we giggled about me being a silly girl.

He said he didn’t want to wait until Friday to see me again and we talked about our schedules and decided that we could get together tonight. He works out of town and won’t be home until 6:00 and will want a shower, etc – I live in the country north of town and don’t want to hang out waiting for him or drive back to town later, so i suggested that he just come to my place for pizza when he is ready.

Is that too much boy energy? Too overfunctioning? I did it because I want to be at my house. I’m happy and comfortable there and I don’t feel like going out to dinner – I want to see how it feels to have him at my place – with all of my dogs, cats and teenage boys wandering in and out. I want to cook a pizza and drink a beer and show him my driftwood garden. I want him to light a fire and help me with my burn pile . . .

He seemed really pleased by my invitation. He wanted to know what he should bring. I said, “I will have pizza, beer, diet coke and me . . . If you need anything else, you should bring it …” He said he could not think of anything else he could ever need – Awwww….

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:03am
283: Dark horse says:

Thank you tam!

Hi Ruth, oh wow five hours? Amazing I can barely run for alf an hour without a few walking stops on the way!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:04am
284: ruth says:

ooh, FW and April Rose

Thanks for the hugs, that feels nice!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:04am
285: ruth says:

282 dark horse, there was plenty of walking too-thats why it took 5 hours LOL

Ive only run run *all* the way in two out of my 200 marathons

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:05am
286: ruth says:

he sounds nice calypso

Roris “rules” I see more as guiding principles to be adapted to specific situations

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:06am
287: April Rose says:

Tam

Really? Do you know him?
When we first kissed he lifted my shirt to run a cold, metal car key across my naked belly as we stood by the kitchen door?

I feel so strange to say it turned me on. But only briefly.
I have since discovered him to be somewhat passionless. No warmth…..shudder…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:08am
288: ruth says:

286
eek, April Rose-are you talking about EM?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:09am
289: Tam says:

279 regarding the sexual health stuff Ruth, I wouldn’t put it past me to be ‘a touch silly’ again, I do feel a bit like you about condoms. I just hope I’d look after myself nowadays…but who knows…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:10am
290: Tam says:

286..no, but I do know men like that, the sentence struck a cord

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:11am
291: ruth says:

288 tam

well, all i can say is that i am a bl**dy lucky girl not to have caught something

Now i feel rather embarassed

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:11am
292: April Rose says:

Yes.

Tomorrow I run away.

At least for a week. Who knows, maybe more.
I would like never to come back.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:11am
293: bloom-ing says:

was trying to “walk with my hips” yesterday…. felt so self-conscious – & actually, “endangered”

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:12am
294: Smile says:

Hi Ruth, I can feel your energy!

((tams cough))

((radlove))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:14am
295: Smile says:

April Rose, I feel concern reading your posts

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:15am
296: ruth says:

Thank you Smile

I am feeling quite bouncy, surprisingly

It got a tad wet during the first marathon

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7736510@N08/7862345192/in/photostream

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:15am
297: April Rose says:

Yes Ruth
I’m talking about EM.

Thank you for knowing that. I feel cared for.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:16am
298: Smile says:

Ruth 279

Thanks! We rock lol

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:17am
299: MissStix says:

Good morning sirens!

Feeling rejuvenated and refreshed after my weekend away in the mountains. I feel absolutely blessed to live here in my little corner of the world. Such beauty right in my backyard. I sucked up every last drop of it through a giant straw! I felt alive. I took it all in and turned it inside out so the world could see and feel my pleasure and euphoria. When the moon and stars came out I said to my cousin “This is SO beautiful!” and she giggled and said “I think you’re high!”. hehe

The man was wonderful through the entire weekend. He set up our tent and bed and laid down a plush furry blanket on the floor to make it soft where we had to kneel. He was mightily disappointed by the fire ban, but took it like a trooper and only complained a little. I felt for him because I know he was so excited to wind down by the fire. His energy was directed at me the whole time.

One moment I thought it wasn’t…I felt separated from him and nervous in my belly. Flashback feelings of another man another time. A man who would have hamdled things much differently…

Near the end of the last day of the festival we were flying! Having a great time. Hand in hand. All smiles.The happiest couple there and I took notice of people taking notice of us. “Baby, have you noticed people stare at us!?” “Yeah. Cause we’re awesome!” *giggles* Not even 5 minutes later a really cute girl approached G and began talking to him. Like…Really engaging him in conversation. Which felt sharp and annoying because we were very close and holding hands. An obvious couple. To his credit I would not say he was flirting. But she was. Asking him questions and touching him. Leaning back (sh!t you not). A real attempt to draw him away.

My reaction…

At first I started to breathe to calm down. I could feel dark feelings rising and gaining strength and power exponentially. I could feel a serious rant coming on. You know the kind…”B!tch, what the f*ck is wrong with you?”. I kept breathing. I sucked power and good feelings from the air around me. I stepped back (forward actually) about 3 paces away from them. I stood there breathing. Positive thoughts. “You are beautiful. You are having an amazing time. You are positive energy.”

I walked away. In that moment it was the right thing to do. I said nothing. I did not look at them. I just turned around and walked. I got about 20 paces before I got a text.

“Hey! Where’d you go??”.

“I felt weird staying there so I moved. I’m by the fence!”

And he came to me. The whole thing didn’t even last 5 minutes.

When we came together in the field I leaned way back. He put his hands around my waiste and said “Baby, are you ok? You disappeared and I was worried…”

“I feel fine now. I just felt weird when you were talking to that girl so I moved away.”

He kissed me. Long and deep and it felt as if we were the only people on the planet. I know in the past I would have gotten angry and either started something, or stormed off to stew and build my anger. Instead I breathed and calmed down and simply removed myself from a scenario that made it difficult to hang onto my good feelings.

What I noticed is my mindframe changed everything. G did nothing wrong. He is a friendly guy and if someone (guy or girl) engages him he talks to them. It’s a wonderful quality. Getting angry at him would have been more than useless. It would have been poisonous to our good time. Getting angry at the girl would have been equally bad. I would have looked like a raving green monster. In actual fact that girl had nothing on me in those moments. She was just a scavenger trying to get a piece of my pie. When I removed myself it literally lifted me up! I was not concerned with what he was doing or saying to the girl. I was only concerned with my own comfort.

I’m feeling proud of me.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:17am
300: Dark horse says:

Hi FW 177 ‘I find myself questioning Daria’s integrity for seemingly encouraging this situation’

How do you see her doing that? My understanding is she is encouraging radlove’s expression of her femininity with the man in front of her.

I don’t see that either Daria or Rori encourage any of us to lean forward at all physically or emotionally but rather to respond.

I’m feeling apologetic now I’m not meaning to be combative with you or pedantic. I’m afraid now you will read my words and hold them against me …. I want to understand you and see what you see, to see it from your perspective and see something I can’t see.

Sigh.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:18am
301: Rebecca says:

Ruth

Wow! 200 marathons! I am so impressed – that is super amazing!

I have done 2 half marathons, and I have another one coming up in October – The Royal Parks – and I’ll be proud of myself just doing that!

Wow, you deserve to treat yourself..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:19am
302: Tam says:

Helloooo Smile

Welcome back Miss Stix!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:20am
303: Smile says:

Ruth 295- awesome photos! Amazing siren thanks for sharing them.

I’m shifting your energy into getting stuff done mode. Im ready to do jobs I’ve been putting off for a while as they feel boring to me. Like the recycling!!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:21am
304: ruth says:

Miss stix, that felt powerful to read

A real use of the tools in a tricky situation

300 Rebecca-Id LOVE to do the Royal Parks half one day.Saturdays marathon was down the Thames towpath

(if i treat myself any more i shall explode like one of those geese)

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:22am
305: Turquoise says:

Thank you FW… I realized I’m frustrated with myself, not him. That possibly I am trying to seem ok with taking it slow and seeing where things go… When my impatient side really does want to know what will happen, if he’s right for me. I feel much better now.

Radlove, you know I see a lot of similarities in us right??? I feel you are a more extreme version of my intenseness and impatience because of the difficult life you’ve had and lack of awesome relationships. PLEASE DON’T BE OFFENDED. My point in sharing this is that sweetie…. I have come SUCH. A long way and I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!! Hang in there babe! We only want you to be happy!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:23am
306: Smile says:

Hi tam!

Ive just been to see my letting agent to tell him I won’t be renewing my contract. I could feel the butterflies and anxiety whilst I was telling him. When I came out I felt excited. My next chapter feels closer. I feel excited about what it will bring.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:23am
307: April Rose says:

Smile,

Your concern feels edgy in my tummy. Thank you for your care.
I’m feeling oh so delicate after staying up til 4am listening to Rori’s teleclass.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:24am
308: Tam says:

Next chapters are good!! Mine is coming too..wuhoo!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:25am
309: ruth says:

296
April Rose

I feel a bit sad reading that
When i first came on the blog and you were talking about EM you sounded so in love

But then you did start to feel uncomfortable, didnt you
I guess your instincts were correct

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:25am
310: Smile says:

I can feel the remaining ties that are keeping me attached to strummingman slowly starting to untie. It feels freeing! I feel open to an exciting future!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:25am
311: Rebecca says:

Ruth

Ooh I’m curious which marathon that was? I was in the Peak District on Saturday wading through knee high bog..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:26am
312: April Rose says:

bloom-ing

are you still there?
I feel edgy and a bit clingy, feel ing lost looking for you,
let’s talk babies again please..
oh, its okay. i can calm down..
i am about to run away, you see

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:27am
313: Dark horse says:

FW if you can help me with this you will be helping me enormously.

I often defend like this. I see I am ‘protecting Daria and Radlove’. I don’t need to do this they can do it themselves.

But I feel I am making you wrong. I do this all the time with Lionman. I want him to see the other perspective. I constantly get between him and others that he fights with wanting to fix it and everyone to feel ok. He just ends up feeling I am disloyal to him.

FW can you offer me any perspective on this? Thank you.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:27am
314: ruth says:

310
Rebecca-the Thames Meander
Starts at Kingston, through Richmond park then out to Putney an then back again

lovely course

Bogs.Hm.I dread those

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:28am
315: ruth says:

New chapters feel scary, but in a good way
hm

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:29am
316: Smile says:

I feel proud of you to miss stix!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:29am
317: April Rose says:

Ruth,

Yes, I remember now, too.
I wanted to worship that man.

He will take me out anywhere I want to go.

He once made a bowl of warm water and washed my feet and afterwards massaged them with soothing oil.

So it was not true for me to say he is not warm.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:30am
318: Rebecca says:

Ruth

Great! Sounds fantastic! I can’t ever see myself doing the London Marathon because it’s over subscribed. I would love to do one in London though as it would be so easy for me as I live here.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:30am
319: Smile says:

April Rose, reading your going to run away feels dangerous to me. I feel mothering towards you.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:31am
320: April Rose says:

Dark Horse,

Rori says do not attempt to fix any unpleasantness.
Let it be. Let there be natural flow of pleasant and unpleasant times.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:32am
321: Smile says:

I have never been to London. It would feel great to travel there.

Seems so close yet so far.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:32am
322: bloom-ing says:

ooh april rose….

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:33am
323: bloom-ing says:

somewhere inside me is a little deer like bambi rising up on its shaky little legs…… & its curious little nose i will follow, despite any “awkwardness” of gait

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:34am
324: Femininewoman says:

Dark Horse I don’t feel wronged. I practice thinking that everyone’s opinion is right. They might be different so I try to appreciate the difference. I feel comfortable saying “Please help me understand why you feel that way. I see it differently. You are you and I get why you see it that wat. I’d see it that way too if I were you. But I am me so I see it differently”.

I keep this as a mindset and will share my opinion on issues. Then step away. I let go of the need to have people see things the way I do.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:35am
325: Dominique says:

Goldenflower – 188 – Funny, I’m writing an article related to this right now. I will post it when finished in a bit.

Most men want to be left alone when they don’t feel well. They may want you around, but they don’t want you mothering and smothering. If he wants something, he will as for it. You can offer, ONCE.

Does this help?

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:35am
326: April Rose says:

Smile,

I am running to the haven of my little home in another town. The lodgers have left, and so it is mine again.
I feel happy to be gong there. My friends are in that town.
I have no female friends where I am now. Only the two men, WM and EM, for company.
I sometimes think I am losing my mind here.

Can’t wait to go and see the girls!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:35am
327: ruth says:

London *is* great!

Rebecca-there is a marathon each May set entirely in Richmond Park

Dark Horse-I feel a bit connected to you reading that.I always want to “fix” unpleasantness/dis comfort/conflict-whatever

The burn out comment earlier maybe relevant here

tale careof you

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:36am
328: ruth says:

325
April Rose that sounds just what you need

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:36am
329: bloom-ing says:

vi, i hear you on a silent little girl. my woman never ever ever speaks. she turns pages in my mind, just pictures… or qualities of light or sensations or just the very faintest idea of a “memory” – just the thickest part in my body. none of the “trimmings” or the details, just the juice

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:37am
330: ruth says:

324 Dominique

so true, but so hard to do

especially when the man in question tells you about all his woes

its hard to stay leaning back and not go into mother mode

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:38am
331: bloom-ing says:

trying to listen to my woman & she is throwing loud waves at me – UNDERWATER, water crashing, sand swirling & every tiny filament of hair on my body taken up by the chaos of fluid motion – rocks. stone bricks set without mortar. raising up the great monuments. dark wet green – taken in that fluid motion of the wind again. wizards get sea-sick, but i’m thinking maybe witches don’t : )

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:42am
332: Femininewoman says:

MissStix you rock!! That felt powerful to read.

I have read Rori advise to stand behind him with your hand in his back pocket or softly on his shoulder so he can feel your energy. I would try that next time if I were you.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:43am
333: Rebecca says:

Tam

Re: violating boundaries – I totally agree. Even if someone just ‘says’ what they want to do to me I feel violated, especially if it has an underlying sexual conotation. I have ‘been’ there with certain men that’s let say were in a position of power over me. Sometimes it ia hard to speak up I feel. I know I am
‘too nice’ at times and send out the ‘wrong message’.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:44am
334: Belle says:

255

I feel defiant and deliciously righteous.
I wouldn’t want a guy like EMK in a million years, he is so full of himself and continually interprets his wife’s good qualities as meaning something about him.

It’s totally not my experience that a good man doesn’t have patience for jealousy or insecurity. I just spent a good portion of the weekend with a GOOD man, a man who drove 2500 miles to spend 2 months living on our friend’s couch after her grandson died as an act of service to her and to God, simply to radiate peace and act as a stabilizer during the worst of her grief. He and I were together for 6 years and known each other for 10 and he has the patience of Job and bottomless compassion for insecurity and jealousy. It was through him that I learned that love and compassion for insecurity and jealousy actually heal the wounds that cause them. A GOOD man will love a whole woman, every aspect, no exceptions. A GOOD man knows the value of unconditional love.

I suspect that EMK is projecting his issues out onto the general population and hasn’t ever stepped outside of his social bubble and been exposed to different types of men. Because *he* mistreated and exploited insecure women, he projects that must be how other men are.

Trust me on this, if you love your jealousy and insecurity, a good man will, too. Even if you *don’t* love it, a good man will too. You just have to be willing to love and receive a good man and believe he can love the stuff you don’t like and let him in, otherwise you will devalue him and rip him to shreds for having the audacity to love what you hate about yourself.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:44am
335: April Rose says:

I feel insatiable and feel myself wolfing down your postings ladies they can’t come fast enough
feed me…give me your heart’s most tasty juices…munch munch yum lick belch…come on keep ‘em coming…raaaaagh…..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:46am
336: April Rose says:

…especialy one’s with my name in…come on …write my name…..plee-ease….i will love you……come on….aaaaagh…….will nothing fill me?…..
…why won’t that man love me?…..hahah ….you only see my baby rage….
My real rage would blast us all out of cyberspace

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:51am
337: Dark horse says:

Thank you April rose and FW.

FW I hear you saying that you practice thinking that everyone’s opinion is right but I don’t see that in relation to Radlove rather I feel judgement of her.

But that is just me. And again now I feel tired from thinking and want to sink back into feeling.

Thinking is becoming too much like hard work!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:52am
338: Femininewoman says:

What we focus on GROWS

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:55am
339: ruth says:

April Rose just feel that rage

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:56am
340: MissStix says:

242 dark horse

I would not ask my man to share his feelings. I revel in how endearing it is when he just opens his mouth and out they come. Usually formatted the exact way I say my own feelings. It’s as if he likes it a lot when I do it so he tries it on for size. He’s been soing it more and more. I never ask him to and in fact I never even respond when he does it! My standard reaction is eye contact and a smile. At most I might teasingly say “oh really?” and giggle. Depends on what he says.

It’s important not to ask in my opinion. I let him ask me how I feel but I never ask him. I will say “How are you?” or “how was your day?”. But never “How do you feel?” or “What did you do today?”.

I take things even a step further and I never ask “What do you think?” after my FM’s. I do not like prompting. I preferr to allow him to simply fill the silence with whatever words or actions are authentic to him in the moment. I don’t want to say “I don’t like____ It feels ____.” And then prompt him to share his thoughts. I get a much much wider variety of reactions to savor or observe when I don’t ask.

This may not work for everyone, but I highly recommend it if you have an expressive man.

It may just be a kiss or hug. It may be a rant, or thoughts. It may be his feelings, or even adorations and statements of his love. It may be silence. Silence can be golden. Once things started to feel intuitive I started to love the occasional silent reaction. I can sit and breathe and think positive thoughs, or get up and walk away. Whatever feels right!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:56am
341: Tam says:

April Rose, I feel amused by your posts

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:58am
342: ruth says:

I am feeling a little envious and frustrated by some of the posts
Some of you are so in tune with your feelings

I feel impatient.i want to be able to do that

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:58am
343: bloom-ing says:

april rose !!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:00am
344: Femininewoman says:

We are here practicing and encouraging the practice of femininity. I made a statement about what I was experiencing in the moment. I left it there.

It seems to me Dark Horse that you are now bringing the past into the present. Are you suggesting that I should have remained silent?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:01am
345: Heart says:

OMG – so I went out to get something to eat and I was feeling kind of sad and lost in thought and when I got back there on the steps was an attractive guy…smoking…
I met my new Neighbour..he’s cute. We chatted for a little while. I hope to run into him again.

I felt like he was a sign from the Universe saying Men are everywhere – zoom out.
I feel a little better.

Daria – No the photo didn’t look romantic. He was not actually in the photo…it was just a picture of the place he was at with the girl and the guy. I felt confused and sad too ….I don’t know how to understand a situation like this..

Tam -I don’t think he is trying to make me jealoud because its the women that are posting the pictures and tagging him in it….Either way

Sirens – I feel Awkward Confused and Uncomfy about the whole thing…I feel Sad too…Why did this happen to me…What’s the lesson?
At the end of the day…I know I can’t let myself see CuddleyGrinch again….and it hurts. The Whole thing just hursts.

I know Rori says we should be vulnerable and practice expressing ourselves And do that many times but I am still a firm believer in Choosing the people we let ourselves be vulnerable in front of….Not everyone deserves to see us Naked.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:04am
346: sunshine says:

Lately I have been feeling my feelings no matter what they are…I noticed that sometimes I feel uncomfortable around certain men and I want to block them, I dont want to be open to them or receptive, or lean back because I dont feel comfortable. I used to feel first starting with rori that I had to some how force myself to lean back with everyone but I think i was misunderstanding. I now feel my feelings and honor them and if Im resistant, angry, or uncomfortable I honor that too or atleast work on it. Like in the musical group that I play in, the guy next to me was trying to explain to me something I already knew. I dont like suggestions when im in this working environment from another player, and not the leader. I dont like it because im the only girl and I feel that the extra “tips” is just a way to make sure im in my girly place, and so that I am not threatening or competitive. When he tried to explain to me something so obvious I said I already knew that and I feel more comfortable playing it another way. I felt good saying it and not feeling so submissive. I feel good standing my ground and I feel very annoyed when I feel from a man a sense of competition and subtle messages of control…it gets on my nerves and I feel very angry

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:07am
347: Smile says:

April Rose

April Rose

April Rose

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:08am
348: Emoticon says:

FW thanx for the reminder. I need to refocus….

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:08am
349: MissStix says:

331 FW

Thank you! Excellent advice too.

I may do that in a different moment. In that particular moment I didn’t want to. My hand was in his to begin with and I removed it. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel my energy lol Because it had turned very dark very quickly. I bacame very focused on turning it back to good vibes. Just really acutely focused on myself. I think the removal of my presence must have been powerful because he immediately disengaged to come find me.

It feels thick and difficult to explain, but it felt like an intrusion on my space and my moment. I trust G 100% so I had no need for him to remember I was there. I could find no positive way to ask her to leave, so I chose to leave. I felt lighter to be removed from the situation sucking away my good vibes.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:09am
350: Smile says:

April Rose, I feel relief you are running to a good safe place, phew lol x

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:09am
351: Laughing goddess says:

Hi April Rose.

I’m feeling quite nauseous this morning.

Feeling lots of other feeling too. Feeling too lazy to write them all out.

Feeling super curious to hear Rori’s take on Radlove’s situation with R. This is something that I have wondered about for a long time. Wishing she would do a blog post on the topic.

Feeling excited for you to leave town for a bit. Seems like some time away with girlfriends could give a new perspective on the whole situation.

April rose April rose April rose

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:09am
352: Emoticon says:

I feel slightly jealous right now. Not insecure, but jealous.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:11am
353: Femininewoman says:

I hear you MissStix.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:11am
354: Heart says:

#213 – (((Radlove)))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:11am
355: Laughing goddess says:

I feel ewwww imagining myself with my hand in his back pocket while he is talking to another woman. Something about that seems really clingy to me.

I would probably walk away or maybe even go talk to another dude.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:12am
356: sunshine says:

after reading my post I feel judgement on myself that Im somehow being bitchy and not flexible in this situation but…then I feel compassion because seriously this issue is happening a lot in the working music environment. I really feel angry when these men try to tell me what to do and they have no authority. In another group every time i would try to improvise the man next to me improvised louder every time. I feel so annoyed I wondered if maybe he was showing off and it could be somehow a way to “woo” me ( feeling judgement of being conceited since I dont know) anyway, it felt incredibly annoying ts as if he was trying to show stop me, or as they say “you got served”…however it was for our church service how rude!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:15am
357: Heart says:

#345 Sunshine – I think Rori wants us to be comfortable in our own skin and learn to Be Open…It’s great to feel like that….But
At the end of the day – We can’t be open to all men…Some men are Super Creepy…I would feel totally Icy being open to them…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:16am
358: ruth says:

Miss Stix

the thing i really loved about your post was when you said you were sucking in the good energy from the air

I LOVE that

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:16am
359: Femininewoman says:

I have tried it at least twice I can remember in recent times. The last time the woman turned into mushy insecurity. At least that was what it looked like to me and I felt truly powerful. I actually stood there and talked myself out of running. I was standing in front of him and I still feel how his smile created a warm shiver in my stomach when he focussed on me just standing there.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:16am
360: sunshine says:

after reading my post I feel judgement on myself that Im somehow being a “B” and not flexible in this situation but…then I feel compassion because seriously this issue is happening a lot in the working music environment. I really feel angry when these men try to tell me what to do and they have no authority. In another group every time i would try to improvise the man next to me improvised louder every time. I feel so annoyed I wondered if maybe he was showing off and it could be somehow a way to “woo” me ( feeling judgement of being conceited since I dont know) anyway, it felt incredibly annoying ts as if he was trying to show stop me, or as they say “you got served”…however it was for our church service how rude!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:16am
361: Heart says:

icky not Icy

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:17am
362: Laughing goddess says:

345:

I feel ya, Sunshine. I don’t like to be told how to do things unless I ask.

I dunno, I’m sure there’s something to practicing being open and letting a man lead us…but in a situation like that, I feel challenged to do so.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:19am
363: Femininewoman says:

Yes I loved the sucking in the good energy from the air. It felt really like a powerful choice.

I tend to feel fearful and run in such situations. I have numerous experience of friends getting involved with “my man” because I stepped away or gave up. At least that was my story.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:19am
364: Laughing goddess says:

Feels more accurate to say, I feel resistant rather than I feel challenged.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:20am
365: bloom-ing says:

“the woman turned into mushy insecurity”

this has happened to me when i was in that situation & refused to be any less “Me” or “sensual” & i did end up putting a hand on his shoulder & the girl “freaked out” in my perception lol…. (((women)))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:23am
366: Laughing goddess says:

I’m gonna experiment with different approaches to that kind of situation (when he is talking with another woman) and see how they all feel.

I’m feeling curious.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:24am
367: sunshine says:

Laughing Goddess thanks for your feedback, yeah I just feel so annoyed i would say resistant is a good word too. I even felt that way with my lessons teacher i told him I had some great gig opportunities, thinking he would be excited and encouraging. instead he made a face like biting into a sour lemon, and said yeah maybe you should just sit in rehearsals and watch for a while first. I was like ??? I went ahead and did it anyway and told him I felt weird because I want to feel encouraged and that my teacher believes in me. So far its been going great playing in these groups and they keep calling me/ texting me to continue to play with them. i feel annoyed that just because im respectful, feminine, and calm that Im some kind of girly pushover and not capable. ughhhh I feel a little warm fire right in between my stomach and chest and feeling like I want to burp.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:26am
368: ruth says:

359
heart
I quite liked icy

it feels appropriate

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:27am
369: Heart says:

April Rose – I love the world you spin for us..

I wrote your name! Luv me!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:28am
370: Heart says:

Ruth….LOL #366

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:28am
371: Laughing goddess says:

I do love the feeling when he comes chasing after me when I walk away.

Sometimes I’ll stay and be friendly with her too.

Sometimes I will kiss him on the cheek and say “babe, I’m gonna run to the ladies room”.

I really feel so much trust for him that it’s not much of an issue.

I think it something about the hand in the back pocket that triggers me. I see a vague image from the past of a hand in the pocket and I feel shivers running up my spine.

It’s that particular image that triggers me, not the idea of standing my ground though.

Hmmmm, interesting. I wonder where this is coming from.

Feels like a very distant memory.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:32am
372: Femininewoman says:

LG I noticed myself talking myself out of walking away out of fear. I find it amazing how these conversations happen so quickly in my head. I can also tell you that I went from shocked to insecure to defiant to confident and powerful.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:32am
373: bloom-ing says:

wow, i looked at the pictures of daria dancing…. & i’m feeling so moved & empowered

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:33am
374: Dark horse says:

This blog is amazing. Thank you miss stix. Not sure if you saw my other post about loving your vibe and I googled Squamish and i want to go too!

FW thank you. No I did not mean to suggest you be silent. It just felt harsh to me and maybe there was a kinder way to say it. Sorry. Now I’m judging.

I liked what you said about standing there and feeling the fear. I always remove myself always. It has not necessarily served me well. It would feel really scary to me to state with my presence ‘this is my man’ … And I don’t want to feel powerful over other women it feels like the tables could be turned and they would have power over me. In my attempt to be so understanding and so compassionate to other women I find myself in power struggles with these women. It’s something I want to heal.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:33am
375: ruth says:

365 Sunshine

I wpuld turn into a boy in that situ too
How very *dare* they

grrrrrrrr

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:34am
376: Laughing goddess says:

For me, it’s not really walking away out of fear but more out of boredom. If I don’t feel included in the conversation, then I’m gonna go do something more fun for me.

This feels empowering.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:41am
377: sunshine says:

thanks Ruth, yes and sometimes when I am a boy in these situations I feel good, strong and refreshed when i speak up about things with feeling messages:)

Dark Horse i feel compassion about you stating that in your process to feel compassion and understanding that you feel power struggles. I hope that you continue because it feels nice to see you and others on the blog to have an honest/genuine care for each other…even if there are misunderstandings along the way

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:43am
378: Belle says:

Radlove

Last night I was meditating and I feel somewhat ashamed to say that my agenda for posting was to attempt make you feel ashamed for thinking of R in that way.

Reflecting back at my the conflict and shame I feel for utterly loving a man who is unwilling or unable to be honest about loving more than one woman and the feelings I feel for him despite all logic and reason.

I feel so tender and sensitive this morning.
Tears at the ready, my heart feels more open.
I felt surrendered to blissing out on thinking about C and all of the delicious, happy, yummy feelings I feel when I think of him, I felt so blissed I had my arms wrapped around myself and was practically drooling. I just let my heart lead and let myself love what I love.

I felt and released some grief from a relationship 18 years ago, not just the heartbreak from him shutting me out but the agony of losing his mother in the process, too, who I adored and remembering how good it feels to love them both so very very much despite everything that happened.

I feel deep love and gratitude again for my lover who recently visited (the GOOD man mentioned above) and felt my heart go soft and melty for him, feeling my heart shine and my chest swell with pride for who we are to each other and who he is in the world and deep appreciation for the security I feel in his love for me.

I feel more confidence than ever that I will have what I want and need in this life, I feel melty and warm thinking about how my “love tribe” is coming together. Heart swelling, joy bubbling …little girl laughing, “I can love whoever I want and as many men as I want!”

Non-monagamy *my* way, that works for me, if I let it and stop judging myself already.

Hugs and hugs and hugs to me.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:47am
379: Rebecca says:

Laughing Goddess

I too would love to hear Rori’s take on Rad loves situation. Purely because I want to get some clarity on what actually constitutes leaning forward? Saying things like wanting a man to fall dick first onto me etc sounds leany forwardy to me? I’m not sure what to think etc. I hope she clarifies as to whether sex talk is okay if you’re not in a relationship with someone. My understanding is it’s not, as it could be interppreted as leaning forward.. Hmmm… I am confused..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:49am
380: Maria says:

Hi Rori,
I am losing my patience with this guy. We have been living together now for over a month and though we sleep naked in the same bed every night he doesn’t touch me or kiss me. If we kiss it is because I kiss him or hug him. He always accepts, but he never initiates. Sex is infrequent. I’m lucky if we have sex once a week. Sometimes it goes into two weeks of no intimacy. I have stopeed asking him about it. And have left it up to him when he wants to, but I need more. I want a consistent free flow of love and affection.
When we have talked about our relationship his says that he needs to see through my actions that I really do respect him as an individual. That I consider him and his feelings over mine if I’m to get what I want out of this relationship, so I try my best to respect him as an indiviual and let just be him. I’ve been doing this. He is a great guy in so many ways. He is generous and thoughtful. He kisses me on the forehead every morning before he leaves for work. He brought me orchids yesterday as a surprise as it was my first day at a new job teaching. We have fun plans for the weekend so I don’t want to rock the boat by bringing up my needs, but I’m losing my patience.
He says I’m his girlfriend, but he never initiates touch.
I’m trying to stay focused on myself, my new job, going out with friends, doing stuff with my son when he’s here on the weekends. I try to maintain a positive disposition.
I feel that the thing that will get him to step up to the plate a bit more is to feel that he may lose me. But I don’t know how to go about creating this shift when the dynamic is that I live with him. And living here, despite my unmet needs is very pleasant and peaceful. But I’m feeling a bit starved in the love department. I have a feeling he has done this to girlfriends in the past. Starved them of love until they left.
I want him to see and appreciate me as the goddess I believe I am, but it’s just not happening. I’d love some guidance on how to inspire him to “see” me and want me and stop starving our relationship.
Starved,
Maru

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:50am
381: MissStix says:

Hey dark horse!

Trying really hard to catch up!

If you ever get a chance go for sure! Gawd it’s gorgeous! Halfway between Van and whistler. Whistler is even better! The festival is amazing too but it’s really the atmosphere that’s the best part.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:51am
382: Laughing goddess says:

Sunshine: I have encountered that as well in the music industry. One thing that I appreciate about my band is that we have almost as many women as men and the women we have are super sexy and powerful. I feel happy to have that (almost) balance.

We did have a situation at one of our shows recently where we were on a small stage and a bunch of us women ended up in the back. The audience couldn’t see us at all.

And all of us women go out of our way to look really good for the shows. And instead we had these kind of sloppy looking men in the front. It felt really strange.

And some people in the audience were wondering why we would put these sloppy guys in front and hide all the gorgeous women in the back.

I have to agree. Hopefully we can get that straightened out.

It also doesn’t make sense because they are taller, so if they are in the back, they can still see and be seen, where we were totally hidden.

No likey.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:52am
383: Belle says:

Radlove

Oh and btw I feel touched and soft and tender at the way you responded to my barb with softness.
Bubbling tears and smiles…
I feel gratitude, thank you.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:54am
384: Femininewoman says:

Hi Maria,

I am just wondering if you have shared that you are the kinda girl who needs to be touched regularly to feel really loved?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:58am
385: MissStix says:

Oh…

I did not run away from the situation out of fear or anger…I wouldn’t even call it “running”. It was for myself and about myself.

I removed myself from the situation to relieve the bad feelings and gain clarity and space. I wasn’t even thinking about what he would do after I moved away (I say moved away because I did not run far and fast. I walked slowly about 40 feet away and stood there.) It was the right thing to do for myself to feel good again.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:00am
386: Laughing goddess says:

Rebecca: Yes, it would feel so great to get some clarity from Rori, especially because so many people seem to feel triggered by the situation.

I feel lots of love and appreciation for Radlove. And see her huge heart and wish for her happiness.

I do feel deeply triggered reading about some of the things going on with her and R.

I’ve really refrained from mentioning it for quite a while now because in the past I felt like I have pushed too hard and it wasn’t helpful.

At this point, I don’t really know what to say. It would feel so great to hear Rori’s perspective.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:01am
387: Laughing goddess says:

Sunshine: I feel happy to read that you communicated to band leader guy that you want to feel supported. That feels empowering!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:05am
388: ruth says:

Radlove inspires just what her name says, doesnt she?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:06am
389: Femininewoman says:

I would love to hear Rori’s real perspective on it too because I have found the silence on both her part and particularly Dominique’s almost deafening. At the same time I have felt conflicted about putting them on the spot to write address it. It seems like reaching out to the get the right way and to make one wrong rather than just being with what is.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:07am
390: Laughing goddess says:

Miss Stix: so glad to hear you had fun this weekend.

I don’t know if you saw my post from a while back, right when you were leaving, but going to music festivals is one of my favorite things!!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:08am
391: Dominique says:

ruth – 329 – You can get used to it. It takes practice like anything else. Awareness is key.

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:09am
392: Rebecca says:

Laughing Goddess

Yes, that’s how I feel. I don’t want to cause problems or offend I am just feeling triggered and not sure what to make of it all. I hope Rori offers some clarity.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:09am
393: Rebecca says:

FW

Yes, there definately seems to be an element of silence around this topic. I am feeling very uncertain about things.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:11am
394: Laughing goddess says:

Ruth 386

True, true

(from my perspective, that is)

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:11am
395: ruth says:

389 Dominique
thank you
I did have occasion to do exactly that this weekend
A litany of worries and a cancelled arrangement because of it

A *lot* of tongue biting and sitting on my hands was required

yes, awareness *is* key

I wanted so much to reach out and “help”

But its just caused frustration in the past.I tried to remember that
Phew it felt difficult

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:12am
396: ruth says:

I feel weird talking about radlove when she isnt here

To me she seems *so* strong and full of passion with such a big heart and i *so* want her to have the love that she deserves

I dont know if that is with R
it feels so complex to me

i am certainly not feeling neutral about the situation

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:15am
397: MissStix says:

388 laughing goddess

Ah me too! The vibes and people. Sounds, smells, lights, sun and moon and stars and music.

I said to G when we got home the I felt a little deflated and sad that it was over. He’s promising 2 festivals next year Shambala and Squamish. I’m already excited!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:19am
398: Laughing goddess says:

For me, wanting to hear Rori’s perspective isn’t about making anyone wrong because in my experience she doesn’t do that. She is one of the most fair and balanced persons (?) I have ever encountered.

For me, it’s more about learning to support a person in a situation I feel triggered by.

I feel so much appreciation for Rori right now. I recently had an interaction with her and she was so incredibly understanding and supportive and yes, I just really trust her and her perspective.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:21am
399: Laughing goddess says:

Oooooh Miss Stix, I’ve heard Shambala is amazing. A friend of mine who plays at tons of festivals recently returned from it and said it was his absolute favorite.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:23am
400: Heart says:

Sirens – should I walk away from CuddleyGrinch? Is it to early to make such a decision..

I feel scared I’m just doing it to 1) Punish him or 2) Have him chase after me like a lap dog.

I don’t want to Walk away from someone because I-have-an-agenda….I want to do it because I believe I am worth more…

But it’s difficult to know what exactly is motivating me at this point.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:23am
401: Rebecca says:

Ruth

Maybe I should remain silent… I will think about this… I guess I am just feeling icky.. I feel like I need to process it all for me so I can heal. I want to heal too… I feel a lost voice on the blog.. I feel weak and meak..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:24am
402: ruth says:

399
Nah rebecca, all our opinions are valid/worthy

keep talking

heart, cant you just step back for a bit and sink into your feelings.Nothing needs to be so balck and white does it?.See how you feel

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:26am
403: luzydel says:

I do not want to obsessed over a man, I know D for over a year and he really hasn’t done anything spectacular. I don’t want an imaginary relationship yuck, they are draining. I am emailing 4 guys at POF, but they are not real CD’s until I meet them.

D can stay around and talk to me, and I can practice being open with him, but the ball is ins his court, he is the one who has to make things happen, because I know I am ready and willing….

I don’t want to spend years or even moths waiting on a guy, I feel san thinking about that, thinking that I may not be good enough for more than crumbs for a man, because that is not true, there are men out there willing to give me a whole meal, I just have to meet them.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:28am
404: Dominique says:

Femininewoman – I have mostly kept out of this discussion for a few reasons. I did finally address this though a bit last thread. It may have been at the end of it?

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:31am
405: Smile says:

Heart 394

Lean back, make yourself busy, when he initiates respond in feeling messages. Offer your needs.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:36am
406: MissStix says:

LG

I have heard great things about shambala! I’ve never been and neither has G. He has always wanted to go though. More expensive than squamish but well worth it from what I hear!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:39am
407: Dark horse says:

Thank you sunshine! I was talking about in my life too where I wanted to be compassionate and offer friendship but really a few women wanted to try to get my man! I felt o hurt so I walked away.

Ruth its so true! I too don’t want to talk about Radlove when she is not here. Radlove when you get back from your mom I want to say that you are one of the reasons I kept coming back to this blog over a three year period. I’ve watched your progress over those years and have learned so much from your experiences.

I would also say to you that if you have experience of working with autistic, mentally handicapped and emotionally disturbed children then your patience skills are most likely highly developed as well as your ability to see beyond labels. I may not agree with everything you say or do but I see your huge caring heart and I wish you everything you could wish for yourself.

Miss stix I think it was your prepping for the festival that I liked so much painting your toenails! I would love to go to a festival like this and feel really cared for by my man. I was at one a long time ago with someone and it felt like they were just out for their own enjoyment and it felt really horrible to me. I felt abandoned. I would like to heal this.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:40am
408: Rebecca says:

Ruth

I’ve tried leaning back, but am now wanting to speak my mind. What do you think?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:42am
409: Rebecca says:

Sorry Ruth! I realise I had misread your comment. Ignore my previous post!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:43am
410: luzydel says:

This is a quote from the movie recommended on this blog…

“Sadness be gone, let’s be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy, cause we are worthy”

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:44am
411: Smile says:

Heart I meant re 398 x

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:46am
412: ruth says:

hey rebecca
I feel a bit confused?

Do you mean about radlove or generally?

Reaply will be delayed as its time to do the recovery plod

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:48am
413: Femininewoman says:

Dominique I do remember seeing this about sharing details.

” Dominique says:
Radlove – There are always exceptions to rules though these are not rules, simply guidelines.

The concern I have is not that you share all of these details with him, for it’s wonderful to have someone with whom to do this. My concern is that doing this is usually not conducive to romantic love relationships.

Again there are always exceptions. You have to do what YOU think is best for YOU.”

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:49am
414: Dominique says:

I will say this though; it’s irrelevant how I or anyone else feels or thinks about her situation. What is important here is that this is here in front of her, stark and vividly real, poignant and painful, wonderful and achingly frustrating, as a great lesson, no matter how it all plays out. There is opportunity for tremendous growth and healing here.

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:50am
415: Rebecca says:

Sorry Ruth! I misread your comment! I thought your comment to heart was to me!

Thank you for your comment to me, it feels nice to be validated!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:50am
416: Rebecca says:

Dominique

I still feel icky reading the sexting (sex texting) stuff as it all feels like come ons and leaning forward and not what Rori is telling us to do at all. I am feeling confused.

I notice with men if I talk about ‘sex’ it most definately gets their attention and their ears prick up and they are like.. Ummmm tell me more… And then it leads to a friends with benefits situation in my opinion which I thought Rori was against.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:55am
417: Smile says:

Rebecca, 413

I find that interesting. I’ve noticed I often get you mixed up with heart when reading posts? I wonder if your vibe is similar?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:55am
418: Rebecca says:

If we share stuff on here we are going to get responses…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:56am
419: Femininewoman says:

I see your point Dominique.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:58am
420: luzydel says:

My last one and then I’ll go to paint the streets with colors and a smile…

“It’s not easy to be adored, you in particular, you have a tougher time with it than most, I get that, but I want you to give it a try. Think of it as an experiment. I promise I will be very wonderful at adoring you Annie. It’s an area where, I think I got a great deal of talent.

You’re worth the adoration Annie, your worth it, and the fact that you don’t believe it, has nothing to do with weather it’s true or not, it is true for me, and that is all that matters. ”

If a man says that to me, he’s a keeper…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:00am
421: Tam says:

I have also wondered what Dominique and Rori would say about the ‘R’ situation. Not for making anyone ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but for advice. I believe it’s a situation we’ve all been in to various degrees and the reason I came to this blog. So it would feel good to have the ‘guidelines’ refreshed. What we individually do with it is up to us, of course, as only we can see our situations. And only Radlove knows her situation fully. Nevertheless, isn’t that kind of advice why we are here? We are here to learn and help each other…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:00am
422: Smile says:

Hmm, I’m feeling a bit sad that ex of two years has not contacted me yet.

Maybe this is just me feeling insecure and wanting man attention…

I’ll stay feeling positive, law of attraction and all that… But these are not genuine feelings

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:00am
423: Heart says:

Ruth – thanks for the advice…I think you’re right

403 – Smile..well he asked me out and I said I would have to see if we could go cuz I might be getting sick…
So there is nothing to really lean back from….I kinda have to decide if I want to go out with him soon…I have no needs at this point…I’m just Confused by him…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:04am
424: Laughing Goddess says:

I’m noticing that I feel triggered reading that it is irrelevant how anyone else feels because my feelings ARE very relevant to me, even if these feelings are just in response to observing another person’s situation.

They are still my feelings and I feel them very strongly in my body. They are relevant to me.

I don’t want to be dismissed.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:04am
425: Smile says:

Heart, how does he make you feel?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:06am
426: Tam says:

Smile, he will turn up when you least expect it- that’s how it happens for me.

I also miss not hearing from MrP, but not even tempted to reach out. They just had the storm, which previously I’d have used as an excuse to get into touch. Not anymore. His loss he doesn’t get to hear my delicious feeling messages….
I almost feel a bit sorry for him. He usually interprets my silence as rejection/not being interested, but even that doesn’t make me want to lean fwd.

Plent of CD’s contacting me every day. Nice way to find out who is a little into me. Now he has to step up or lose me.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:08am
427: Laughing Goddess says:

Although I do understand Dominique’s point that this is very up close and personal for Radlove and I do see that there has already been lots of growth and progress.

I still think that I have a right to feel whatever I feel when I read things on here. And it doesn’t feel good to bury or dismiss that.

I don’t think I have a right to attack or judge, which I don’t think I have done in a long time. But I do have a right to feel.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:09am
428: Rebecca says:

I just want clarity on the sex texting and sharing sexual desires etc outside of a relationship. It feels like leaning forward a huge amount to me..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:09am
429: Femininewoman says:

LG/Dominique for me “in response to” and “about” holds different connotations. The thoughts generates the feelings.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:10am
430: Laughing Goddess says:

I don’t want to be dismissed. I notice that I feel very angry when I perceive that that is happening.

I feel my wild, Kali-ma warrior woman spinning inside of me like a tornado.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:13am
431: MissStix says:

Dark horse

Uh huh I feel you! Ex husband was not so attentive, and I felt abandoned many times when I was with him. I went with him to a rock concert once. This particular story was after our separation and just as friends but it was same old same old. he left me by myself for over an hour to sneak up front and go into the mosh pit. Then when he finally came back I found out he had bought someone’s wrist band. I really wanted to go into the mosh pit myself (I love crazy new experiences) but he only had one wrist band. He told me he was sorry he couldn’t get me in but he was gonna go back! I said literally “F*ck that! I’ll get my dam self in!” and I did! And I ended up with about 5 big guys in a circle “protecting” me from the mosh and gently bouncing me around. Too much fun! He tried to have sex with me later that night when we got home. (he had moved into my spare room temporarily after he lost his job) I denied him.

I felt in control and it affirmed my healing process at that point. I make my own fun. I rely on myself to feel good. Hmmm that was october of 2010. I met G in December.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:13am
432: Tam says:

Rebecca, much like you I’d also like to know if talk about sex with a man who says he only wants friendship (sexting or talking) is good or not so much. It’s directly relevant to me.
I have done it, he has done it too, and even asked me what women like in the bedroom.
I would like to know how to handle the topic also.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:13am
433: P-lala says:

Luzydel,
That is how my man talks to me…adoration and worthiness and acceptance. It’s so wonderful and surprising – every day I am reminded that I am a gift.

Oh K, I will keep you and let you adore me…I love you so.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:13am
434: Femininewoman says:

P-lala I was thinking about you this morning. Good to see/read you.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:15am
435: Laughing Goddess says:

I feel so intrigued observing the tornado-like energy inside of me when I feel angry. It’s like this being deep in my body rises up from its slumber. Feels very interesting to observe.

I can literally feel the energy inside of me swirling just like a tornado.

Fascinating.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:17am
436: Rebecca says:

I feel dizzy…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:18am
437: Smile says:

Thanks tam,

I’m feeling like I want to be in contact with more men to stop my fixation on 1 man (or 2 ex boyfriends) lol.

Maybe this is my feelings telling me I should be dating…

I feel nervous to make a dating profile just yet.

I want to wait till I move as I’ll be living in a different area then.

I’m also still honouring ‘me’ time

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:19am
438: Rebecca says:

Tam

Is this when you were in the FWB situation with MrP? Sorry if thats too personal..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:19am
439: Femininewoman says:

The last time a friend who is interested in my romatically sent me sex talk I felt shocked and freaked out to the point of calling a girlfriend to talk the heightened energy out of me. I considered him just being a man but it felt shocking having him refer to my body part. I also kinda thought about the shocking showing up to teach me that I am not 100% comfortable with my sexuality. I did not respond so he called to check if I was okay.

My poor little heart went into panic. Though he has made it clear that he wants me.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:20am
440: Dark horse says:

Oh tam that’s a good one for me too worrying if he is interpreting my silence as rejection therefore I should reach out and reassure him. Not anymore!

We talked this morning he called me after a few days of me sitting on my hands not calling I feel he is doing a bit of boundary testing or pushing I tried to stick to feeling messages sometimes I just repeat the same feeling when I don’t know what to say he wanted me to call him later I said it feels better when u call me. He wanted me to go out I said I feel pretty sure I’m staying in today. I said that a few times.

Actually I am going out now for a little while but to do something healing for myself as I am feeling drained.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:21am
441: luzydel says:

I feel selfish and self centered because I have been just making what I write about me…

It is an interesting dynamics how we all want to fix another poster from the “obvious” disappointment, how fast we get into controlling, fix it mode, the same way we get with a man. Radlove is a grown up woman, she knows deep inside her own reality and we trying to say something to somehow fix it shows that we also have issues to work on.

I rather practice showing my own vulnerability, and show that like her I am not perfect. I am not going to give advise, because I am healing as she is and I may get disappointed again, and go back to old habits, we all do. Knowing that she will be fine is good enough to start healing… Let it be!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:21am
442: P-lala says:

FW – thank you! I’ve been lurking around but rarely have time to fully engage. It feels neglectful to comment and disappear so I haven’t been commenting much. You all are helping me keep in track with K though. Just reading your words remind me of who I am and helps me know I am not alone out here learning how to do relationship with a good man.

I hope you’re doing well, FW. <3

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:22am
443: Rebecca says:

FW

Lol, most men will given half the chance

That is my experience anyway.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:23am
444: Rebecca says:

..and believe me they are not thinking deep and meaningful thoughts at that point. They are thinking about getting ‘their’ needs met. Well that is what I believe.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:26am
445: Dominique says:

Rebecca – 414 – And I apologize Radlove for talking about you when you are not here.

In a typical situation, the sexting would not be appropriate. This is usually reserved for those in relationship. But then most women would not feel comfortable going there anyway.

Yet Radlove has a history with this man, a long one as well as a sexual one even though they did not have intercourse.

If she were my client, I would likely suggest she refrain, YET she is experimenting, trying on new wings. She feels comfortable doing this, and he has not rejected her texts. They seem to have a very clear boundary around this which is unique to them and their situation.

Does this help clarify things?

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:27am
446: Tam says:

Rebecca, no it was after I told him that I did not want to be in a quasi relationship and created the boundary ‘no sex’. We still kissed and fooled around a little but basically that’s how it was the last time I was there. We still talked about it and joked about it though and I am wondering what to do next time, if it comes up again.
I mean, if he asks me what I like in bed – that’s a very personal question….

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:27am
447: MissStix says:

I don’t know how i’d feel about sex talk…None of my male friends have ever tried to step over that boundary. But RE my above story where ex hubby tried to have sex with me…I felt angry and violated. I really and truely did think of him as just a friend at that time. I don’t remember my exact words but we were laying on my bed and I was talking about how much fun I had in the mosh pit and he rather quickly kissed me and at the same time pulled down my shirt exposing my breasts. I shot up and told him to get the he11 out of my bedroom or something along those lines. He looked very hurt and embarrassed and apologized. I remember gentling a little and telling him he no longer had the right to just jump me. We were friends now and friends don’t do that.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:28am
448: Calypso says:

Wow ~ JC just texted to say: “I plan on chasing you as long as you will let me” . . .

I don’t quite know what to make of this man. I sort of feel like telling him that I have intimacy issues, just talking it out with him some time in person – before we get too involved, have sex, etc. I don’t know . . . it would just be nice to lay it all out there for once.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:28am
449: Smile says:

Hm, am I feeling resistant to meeting new men?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:28am
450: Dominique says:

Laughing Goddess – 422 – Your feelings are VERY important, to you, and you need to feel them as deeply as you can. For R as they relate to her situation, they are not so much relevant to her. How SHE feels is.

I may not have phrased this too well, so I apologize for any confusion.

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:31am
451: Smile says:

There was a time a few months ago when pretty much all texting conversations with strummingman turned sexual. He would pick upon the smallest thing and make it sexual. A few times – pre Rori, I fell for it and thought he was showing interest in getting back with me. Now I have learnt that men do not relate the same feelings/ connections as women do.

I actually still have all my conversations from strumming man on my I phone. I just read back through them and felt totally turned off. Now I’m not in the moment I can see the messages for what they were. ‘satisfying needs’ even though he didn’t not intend to make me feel ‘used’.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:35am
452: Dark horse says:

Luzydel 439 such wisdom I loved reading this.

Dominique i really enjoyed reading what you said and how you said it in 443.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:41am
453: Smile says:

He the word sexting makes me feel giggly, I’ve not heard it called this before.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:44am
454: ruth says:

WOW

There is a powerful feminine vibe on here tonight

ooh, i feel overwhelmed by it and yet compelled to stay

But i cant
i have chores to do and dinner to cook

The vibe feels raw, earthy and dark purple to me

woo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:44am
455: Smile says:

I wonder if my actions are helping or hindering me?

I’m purposely triggering myself to bring up feelings, each time I do it… Like look on Facebook, read text messages, the trigger doesn’t last as long… I feel like it’s helping me move on…

I remember reading something about this from Rori but I can’t remember if she said to do it or not to do it?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:47am
456: bloom-ing says:

i saw a vens diagram of “purpose:”

what you love
what the world needs
what the world will pay for
what you do well

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:49am
457: Smile says:

I love having the blog on my phone. I can read whilst I wait for the kettle to boil or whilst my tea is in the oven.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:49am
458: ruth says:

453 Smile
yes she deliberately triggers in reconnect and walks through it

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:49am
459: bloom-ing says:

lol *venn

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:49am
460: bloom-ing says:

ruth, it’s that crazy indigo lol ! it’s spreading : )

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:50am
461: Laughing Goddess says:

Dominique: Thanks for clarifying and I do really get where you are coming from.

It’s just that I have refrained from commenting on this subject for quite a while because I didn’t want to give advice or let my own personal triggers color the situation.

And finally today, I simply said that I feel curious what advice would give, and you too, even though I didn’t say that specifically.

And that is really how I feel, curious. And I don’t want to be made wrong for feeling that way. Not to say that that is what you are doing…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:50am
462: Laughing Goddess says:

Edit***

And finally today, I simply said that I feel curious what advice Rori would give, and you too, even though I didn’t say that

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:51am
463: ruth says:

458
Bloom-ing

EEK!

I never even thought of that
it was just what i felt-a sort of inky earthiness

Oh help, i feel silly and flaky writing that but i shall leave it

Time to cook

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:52am
464: smile says:

Thanks Ruth

When I move I will have money to invest in more of Roris work.

I feel excited!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:54am
465: Tam says:

Smile, about the triggers, I do the same, but have always done it…..not to heal, just to be judgmental about the man and push him out of my life/brain. All to do with my fear of intimacy. I took the triggers and used them against the man…
Trying to shift that to make it all about me…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:56am
466: Heart says:

Smile – so far he mades me feel good. He is caring, masculine, takes care of me and tries to make me happy.
He always initiates and his schedule is very Open to me.
He does all the leaning forward, initiates all the dates and is always wanting to spend time with me.

But 1) he doesn’t always pay for me and expects to go 60-40.
I feel uncomfortable with that but he’s a student so…
2) I don’t think he actually likes me…I feel as if he is just making all the right moves in order to sleep with me.

3) he has a couple of female friends…

How do I feel about him? – I feel Angry. I don’t want him near me….I feel repulsed by him kissing me. I feel stupid and sorry for myself and hopeless. I want to protect my little girl and keep her far away from this Weird Guy.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:57am
467: Tam says:

Still, I like to get triggered now and use it to heal, i e feeling uncomfortable and realising it’s my issues doing it. Liberating

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:57am
468: bloom-ing says:

: ))))) !!!!!!!!!!! i feel happy : )

thank you – more please! hehe

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:58am
469: Heart says:

CuddleyGrinch will now be renamed WeirdGuy.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:59am
470: Tam says:

Heart, then it seems ok to walk away from him?! I probably would too. Next!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:59am
471: MissStix says:

Radlove

You know how I feel in regard to how things are going for you right now. Of course I worry and wonder if things will go the way you want or need them to with R. I don’t want anyone I care for to be hurt or feel pain.

Ok how do I get this out there in the right way?

I feel proud of the changes you have made within yourself. It is wonderful to focus on the good in a man. At the same time I trust that you know and fully understand all the possible downsides. I do not see your positive words on R as “blinded” I actually see them as eyes wide open. You know this man very well. You know all of the possible negativities and positivities and every possible outcome.

I believe you know that pain and heartache and disappointment are entirely possible. I see you consciously choosing optimism. I feel comfortable seeing this.

I feel worry when I read “I would die for him” but I also believe you already know exactly why that feels scary. So I choose to let it go and focus on all the great positive changes you have made.

I felt WAY more worry when I saw you chasing and chasing and being shut out.

I’m not sure I “get” the fear of others over the sex talk…That feels benign and teasing to me. R fully participates so it’s not scary to me personally. My worries come from an entirely different place than that…But again, you have shown clearly that you have a full understanding of what’s up and are just doing your best to shift into a better place.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:01pm
472: Heart says:

I feel hypocritical too….cuz I met up with Sweettalker and met NewGuy last week…But I’m not being tagged with them on Facebook…That is so Insensitive.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:02pm
473: Heart says:

Tam – yea if this feeling stays by tomorrow I’m just telling WeirdGuy I’m too busy too hang out…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:05pm
474: bloom-ing says:

heart, i can’t see how it’s him being “insensitive”….. he may not be very “into” facebook, he didn’t “tag” the pictures himself or upload them you said, & you haven’t told him how it made you feel…. so at the very worst, he is “clue-less” it sounds to me…. idk, what do you think?

it sounds easy to me, (or “easier than” analyzing it & deconstructing it on my own…) to just say, “actually i notice i’m feeling a bit weird & like distancing myself from you right now…. i feel off when i see pictures of a man i’m dating out with other women….. i want to feel special & romanced & pursued, & i don’t feel that way when it seems i’m just one of a crowd… what do you think?”

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:07pm
475: Heart says:

Blooming – that would take a level of vulnerability I just can’t do right now….I just can’t go there….it scares me and I already feel raw…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:11pm
476: Laughing Goddess says:

I’m noticing that I feel disappointed and concerned that I’m not being gotten. I feel kinda sad about that but also surprisingly okay.

Awwww hugs to you, LG. I get you. I understand where you are coming from. You are worthy in my book. I don’t need anyone else’s approval to be worthy.

I am worthy simply because I am…as is everyone.

Hugs to you, sweet thing.

Awww, giving love to myself feels so good!!!! Way better than the ever changing approval of others.

I feel so amazed by how quickly loving myself can shift my vibe.

Hugs hugs hugs and love to you, LG. you are so precious to me!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:14pm
477: Rebecca says:

Dominique

I really appreciate your response but I don’t see the difference here. To me it seems that ‘sex talk’ is being used as a way to get a mans attention in whatever way shape or form.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:16pm
478: bloom-ing says:

heart, rori says dating is “Free Therapy” : ) if you aren’t going to Practice with the men you don’t like…… does that mean you’re going to save up all your issues to process with your One Man ? that sounds…. scary ! lol

also, the more I Practice something, the stronger it feels in me… so i wouldn’t want to Practice “not being vulnerable”… that sounds similar to “fear of intimacy” which feels really sad to me & difficult…. what do you think?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:18pm
479: Dominique says:

Laughing Goddess –

I also want to say that though you have been back for awhile, I missed you when you were away.

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:19pm
480: Dominique says:

Rebecca – I’m sorry, yet I feel confused at your confusion. I’m not sure how else to phrase this. The difference between what?
xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:21pm
481: ruth says:

Laughing goddess
You seem so together and seem to have it so sussed that i dont know how i could respond to you

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:22pm
482: ruth says:

and, yeah, thats my low self esteem talking to you out of the U bend of the toilet

Sigh

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:23pm
483: Heart says:

Blooming – But I’m going to try being a little bit vulnerable (not that vulnerable) to WeirdGuy. It’s good practice….
but at the end of the day

I
still
don’t
want
to
be
near
him.

It doesn’t matter what he says or do…I’m already repulsed.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:23pm
484: ruth says:

Rebecca

Um.Dominique has said that sexting would normally be reserved for those in relationships

But in radloves case(sorry radlove)-she and R have a long and complex history and so it isnt like doing that with a CD

I think

??

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:25pm
485: ruth says:

481
heart if you feel like that then scarper

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:26pm
486: MissStix says:

(((heart)))

If you can’t do that level of vulnerability yet you could do something I did when I was dating around…along these lines.

“I’m not up for spending time today. I’m feeling very emotional and I haven’t worked through it yet.”

If these pics are triggering you it must go fairly deep. From what i’ve read it looks rather innocent on his part. However, that does not invalidate your feelings! Not at all. They are valid. But if it IS innocent on his part this may be something you have to move through on your own. Otherwise the risk of blame (especially when it’s not warranted) is very real.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:26pm
487: Tam says:

Heart, I also drop the ones that don’t make me feel good. I just see it as a waste of time, I’d rather practice with those men that make interaction fun and interesting, not weird.
I don’t see the point of forcing oneself….sounds too much like work. Find some that you enjoy dating and practicing with.
School is out, this is life and you get to decide!
Feels good to me

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:29pm
488: bloom-ing says:

heart,

i don’t know why but i’m feeling really sad reading that…. the

definitive
way
your
words
fall

feels so heavy on my back as a read…. like my whole body fills with cement…..

i feel so hopeless. so “reaffirmed” in all my dark assumptions. so “confirmed” in my own sense of “right-ness”….. so closed-off & Decided….

i want to feel curious …. intrigued…. exploratory, bold : ) i want to feel….. Opened-up – sweet, warm, vulnerable. i want to talk my guts out – show someone – hey, look, i took this scalpel & now you can see inside, how everything moves & works & does magic alchemy together…. ! isn’t it neat ???

lol

i want to feel Surprised !!!!! : )

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:31pm
489: Smile says:

I feel like shouting yikes! I feel like sitting up and paying attention. What have you been thinking! Doing smile! I feel like a bomb has been dropped on me. I can feel my eyes suddenly getting bigger. My heart feels heavy.

(((( it’s okay smile, it’s all part of the journey. You can take the lesson/ healing from this and jump back on your horse)))

I feel like I’ve been unfaithful to myself. I’ve just read all my text messages with strumming man since April. They frighten me, I feel fearful. Pre Rori okay, I didn’t know any better. I thought surely they must get better as it gets closer to last week… It’s amazing to see how looking back on the conversation I was thinking I was interacting with feeling but my actions don’t match.

I feel open to learning SO much more!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:37pm
490: Heart says:

Miss Stix – Thank you. I would feel comfortable expresssing myself along those lines. I’ll write something a little like that….
Belle – Awesome message though…very in tuned. Too naked for me.

Ruth – lol! kay

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:38pm
491: Dominique says:

Yes Rebecca – 482 that’s it, AND they have a history with the sexting and talking about sex in general.

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:40pm
492: Smile says:

Now I feel calmer, feeling more focused. Feeling more aware. Back on the horse with my new awareness to help me grow emotionally.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:40pm
493: Heart says:

Sorry Bloom-ing! Not Belle

Awesome message Bloom-ing ….I can see you’re really in tuned…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:40pm
494: ruth says:

487
Smile

hey, the past is the past and you learn from it and thats good
But what matters is NOW

ooh that feels good, even to an old lady like me

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:41pm
495: Rebecca says:

Dominque

No worries! I am probably not getting my point across properly. Sorry!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:42pm
496: Femininewoman says:

You DO NOT want to try to make him feel better. You DO NOT want to try to smooth it over and make it all better for him. This is putting you into masculine energy, doing mode which you already know does not feel good. Not to you. Not to him. You would be in a word emasculating him. For this is HIS job, to fix things.

You can smile at him though and tell him it seems as though he’s upset or sad or angry. It must have been a trying day. And then you will go about your business, feeling happy, exuding good feeling energy, taking care of you.

He will talk when he’s ready, and you will LISTEN. That’s all; you will just listen. You CAN “reassure” him or better boost him a bit by telling him you feel confident he will solve his dilemma. And then you listen some more.

If he asks for your input, exercise caution. Keep your words simple and short, and DO NOT offer to step in or help in any way.

http://sexandheart.com/how-much-can-you-expect-from-your-man-when-hes-hurting

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:43pm
497: Tam says:

487. delete them, Smile, you are done with the past.

I saw the messages I sent to MrP by accident a few weeks ago, from when he had his busines breakdown and I was chasing him to meet me, and making him wrong for withdrawing. They were soooo long, and soooo bad. And I saw how he tried to still stay in the conversation (bless him) and tried his best to explain himself, but also being very harsh to me……and I kept going. And they are still on fb, on his and mine, so he can still see them too. I felt terrible realising how I had behaved and pushed him into a corner…all pre-Rori. When I read that, I was gobsmacked that he is still here now. A testament to how men ‘turn around on a dime’ and forget quickly.

I decided never to look at them again.

The past is past.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:43pm
498: ruth says:

494
Yes FW

absolutely

its hard to do

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:44pm
499: Tam says:

..those messages I m talking about are from almost 2 years ago…still lurking…urgh. I have come suuuuch a long way from 2 years ago. So much happier.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:44pm
500: Emerson says:

Today I feel indifferent to my learning process LOL and I’m more in the mode of getting things done.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:45pm
501: Rebecca says:

Lol, I feel glad FW seems to get where I am coming from..

Am feeling tired.. Just been away from the blog now I’m struggling to keep up – apologies if I’ve missed anything

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:45pm
502: bloom-ing says:

when i was cd-ing, i let the men poof.

once i said no-thank-you because i felt scared of him (just intuitive tummy, nothing else, but later he did get “creepy” on me).

once i said no-thank-you because i lied about my age (??? lol) on a dating profile & then went out with someone who was….. idk……. he was “too sad” – it was an awful-feeling date……. i felt horrible for lying to him though & i couldn’t face him with it so i told a different lie about deciding to date someone exclusively…… but i went out with other guys with my “liar” profile & just told them first thing when they messaged me… actually, might have “lied” on the profile cd originally hit me up on… lol – but that was a Safety lie. i felt i got better-feeling results with an older age – fewer Boys, more Men : ) lol

once i said no-thank-you because he yell-texted at me for not responding quickly & i called him & said i don’t want to meet, i feel unsafe to not be given space & quiet in my own home when i’m alone. & we talked & “made up” as friends, but still i said, no-thank-you i don’t want to meet.

i used to beg the universe to Poof my annoying CDs lol ……….. but i wanted to Practice being Warm & Open, like radlove says, a warm sandy beach…. lalala sounds lovely : ))

i think you can say, no-thank-you to a date invitation without saying no-thank-you to the whole man…. & i think few men will stick around for the 5th no-thank-you, so no “worries” about being a “time-waster” – worse to be a “time-pass” …

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:46pm
503: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca you had a great vacation. That’s what is important. Anything passionate you experienced there that you could share?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:47pm
504: ruth says:

500 Blooming

yeah

We can be open but we can also exercise the choice to say “no” if its not right or not the right time

yes

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:47pm
505: Rebecca says:

FW

Are you trying to shut me up hehe

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:51pm
506: Smile says:

Tam, Ruth

Thank you, I’m back in the present. I feel gladness that I did go back and read them as that was a huge realisation for me. I’m not torturing myself though, I feel strong. I feel grateful for the lesson. Actually I found it useful as I could really see where I could have applied roris tools to my situation. The application to my life and my situation feels immense.

Now im deleting them! Delete!

Mm a hot chocolate would feel relaxing to drink right now.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:53pm
507: Emerson says:

164 Radlove thanks for commenting back to me.

I feel curious why I feel angry when you mentioned K. I feel protective of you and like “I know it’s not good enough for you” and that’s not my role to make that judgment….

At any rate it’s nice that you feel you have K, but what can he really give you besides conversation and an ego boost? Also I know he has not treated you well in the past and I feel protective of you (perhaps this is rooted in my tendency for codependency and maybe my need/desire to be “right”)
Yes K has value as a person and I know he’s been a friend to you…but visiting a sad place (prison) to go see him in person feels bad to me when I think about it…BUT it’s not my place to judge that for you.

From what I can gather, K is not present in your everyday life like doing normal stuff because he is locked up. I am talking about having a male friend who is in the world in your daily life that can help you with car trouble, meet for coffee, just be with in a light hearted environment.

Well again I may be totally off base for suggesting this but I feel sad.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:55pm
508: Rebecca says:

Awww feel sad now. Am sure FW had good intentions!

Yes I had a great trip – I went walking in Derbyshire in the Peak District over very challenging terrain in the thunder and lightening. Some people would think I was mad but I love it!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:55pm
509: Smile says:

Rebecca, I have friends who live there. Very beautiful place.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:58pm
510: Heart says:

#486 – Blooming – > it’s my Boy coming out to protect/take care of my girl….

It’s easy for you to say those things…
You’re
not
the
one
who
is
hurt.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:59pm
511: MissStix says:

Bloom-ing 500

I like this!

None of the men I “no thank you”d poofed immediately. Not a single one. Even the ones I wished would poof :p

Omagosh like one i’ll call him shortmansynrome lol We chatted a lot online/text and I met him once on a friday before he went away for the weekend. He texted me on his way back into town…How are you etc etc and I said

“How was your weekend?”

Good lord! He said…

“Fine. I need sex!”

o.O

“Haha I wonder where you’ll get that from?”

“I don’t know? Wanna come over?”

I full on told him off yet he still texted me for 2 more days before he gave up.

Like…Poofplease!!! :p

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 12:59pm
512: Femininewoman says:

I am feeling curious Rebecca and wanted you to share some feeling messages about your trip. I was thinking about Reconnect where Rori was talking about sharing your passion.

“I felt so excited looking at the pictures of my trip. Ifelt so in touch with nature I felt the sky was just coming towards me”.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:00pm
513: Heart says:

Tam – lol@School is out…LOL!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:01pm
514: Femininewoman says:

I love to hear/read about nature.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:02pm
515: bloom-ing says:

ruth,

oh, definitely. it feels good to me to say no to things that don’t feel good.

i’m not saying i went out with everyone who asked me, just that…. most times with most men, it felt good to get a sweet text, a little flirt, a call some quiet night…. so even if i didn’t think they were Just It or if i thought they were Too Young or Too Corporate or whatever…. i still felt yummy & said thank you & enjoyed the little tiny Man-Bits they dropped in my life….. : ) snacks, right ? lol : )

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:03pm
516: Heart says:

#509 – Miss Stix….ROFL! tears came to my eyes while reading that….

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:05pm
517: bloom-ing says:

heart,

i feel kind of confused….

are you feeling “hurt” …. “because of” the facebook pictures with other women?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:14pm
518: Rebecca says:

FW

Ahhh, yes, I felt amazing out on blrak landscape, having to rely on my intincts to survive is always exilerating.

It felt good feeling the wind and rain against my face. I felt good to be alive.

It felt awe inspiring to see such beautiful views and scenery..

Ahhh… I love being outside

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:16pm
519: MissStix says:

Heart

I was with my cousin whilst texting and we were nearly peeing ourselves. Who is this guy? lol I couldn’t take it seriously.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:17pm
520: Heart says:

517 – Blooming – Yes I’m saying that…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:19pm
521: Smile says:

Thanks for this feminine woman.

You CAN “reassure” him or better boost him a bit by telling him you feel confident he will solve his dilemma. And then you listen some more.

Dominique,

How does: ‘I feel sure it will work out okay’ sound?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:20pm
522: Smile says:

How do I exchange my pink flower for a picture on the blog?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:25pm
523: bloom-ing says:

i’m also feeling a bit curious about repeating the form that i had shared gave me a sad heavy feeling…. i feel curious about that…. feels like “needling” – ouch. i feel “chastised” & “shown up”…… hm…… that feels like, the urge to debate but i don’t want to because i feel afraid of anger. oh yes i do really not want to interact much with angry humans. ouch it hurts. but also i don’t mind much. both things. both sides. the adjacent points, infinitely separated… i don’t want to get “in trouble” or “made fun of” ……… it’s ok if that happens, though, because i’ve chosen to give myself authority over myself, which means only i can punish myself or dominate myself. i’m ok. i’m a safe place. oh thank you that feels amazing. i’m a safe place. thank you – more please !

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:25pm
524: bloom-ing says:

heart,

ok. i’m sorry to hear you’re feeling hurt. (((heart)))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:28pm
525: Rebecca says:

Sorry, that was so badly written..

I felt so vulnerable and small walking up the mountainside. It almost feels surreal to be looking out onto the views down below, leaving all of civilisation behind me. Up and up I climbed until I reached the top. I felt my own power and that felt powerful.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:29pm
526: Dominique says:

Smile – 521 – The problem I have with this (I realize I’m being picky with word choice, but this feels important to me, for it can work on a subtle level, the nuances of meaning etc.) is the word sure. You can’t really feel sure about anything. It feels to me like a pat answer, something to say when you don’t know what to say. But saying you feel confident he will sort it out successfully feels reassuring, that you have faith in him and his capabilities/abilities.

For your picture, go to gravatar.com. It will walk you through how to do this though your picture will show on any forum if you use the e-mail you use here.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:29pm
527: bloom-ing says:

heart,

& actually, i honestly feel a bit baffled… i know in my circle of “friends” even paired-off men regularly post pictures of themselves with other women, not their girlfriends. i’d feel surprised & hurt if someone i was dating seriously did this, but it sounds & seems pretty “normal” for me, especially since you’ve only been on a few dates with him…. so i can’t imagine he would anticipate that those pictures would seem “insensitive” or “disrespectful” to you.

& also, i really don’t want to argue or debate. i feel sad this is affecting you. ((((((heart))))))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:30pm
528: MissStix says:

Right now I think…

We ARE the prize. There is never a reason any one of us should have to endure anyhing that feels bad, or wrong. No one in the world is special enough that their needs and comfort should cause us pain or sorrow.

Loved ones are special enough to me that I would put my own comfort on the back burner to help them out. But I support others by taking care of me first. Mmm that feels good! They love me so they are happy when they see me taking care of me. I also see that it does not diminish their desire to support me at all, and I can support them much better when I understand how I am feeling. Delicious!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:32pm
529: Heart says:

Dear GOD

CuddleyGrinch Was not actually at the Place….
Th girl just tagged him in the Picture but He didn’t go….
Ummmmm…….
………
……..

Whatever he still was in a picture with women over the weekend!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:33pm
530: Smile says:

Thanks dominique, I’m learning quickly that even one slight word can have a huge impact on how it can feel/ come across, which is why I asked.

‘i feel confident it will work out okay’

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:34pm
531: Heart says:

….omgod…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:35pm
532: Femininewoman says:

I felt so moved by a profile on POF I had to “favorite” him. I also feel fearful to possibly pushing him away by initiating contact. His profile was so detailed it seemed impossible it could be a man. Also he had a picture with a caption that said he is camera shy. My whole being felt like leaning heavily towards him. It is someone I would love to at least have a telephone conversation with. Here is a piece of his profile

“I am divorced, and that was incredibly hard and heartbreaking. We were together for 10 years and married for 6, and I am proud of the way that we managed that whole process and am pleased that my heart is still hungry, still flesh, still open, still fully able.

I am looking for someone who fits this description:

You are someone with whom I can think and talk about the world.
You are at least reasonably pleased with yourself, if not outright delighted with who you are.”

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:36pm
533: bloom-ing says:

heart,

i honestly feel like i’m trying to swim in a pool full of jello writing to you right now………

i just want to say that…. i think it sounds fine if you don’t want to see him again or hang out or kiss him or marry him or any of that. that’s what you want & you should do what you want.

but i just see it a tiny bit differently i think than you see it…. which is, i don’t see it as Him doing Wrong – i see it as You not Wanting his behavior

which to me, sounds like a more Empowered place – not the victim, not an injured person – just a human moving along in her life, moving gently away from the swamps & into the peaceful glades… lol : )

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:39pm
534: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca did you feel one with nature?
Or consumed with the mountain, like a dot on the landscape of the Universe?
Did the exhilaration have your heart pounding out of your chest?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:40pm
535: MissStix says:

oh FW

He sounds in tune and masculine even in his vulnerability!

I am convinced these men are not easily “scared away”. They can be pushed away i’m sure, or pull themselves away. But i’ll wager a man like that won’t “scare” too easily.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:40pm
536: Heart says:

….omgod…I like Cried and stuff…
Whatever…I still feel hurt about the Sunday.

I guess I just Really need distance…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:42pm
537: bloom-ing says:

heart, sorry. i’m feeling personally triggered by definite decisions against a specific man. i feel my posts at you like hammering your head & i’m sorry to be using your situation to understand mine better – thank you for sharing & thank you for listening : )

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:42pm
538: Dominique says:

532 – And what lovely grammar and punctuation.

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:43pm
539: bloom-ing says:

aww, femininewoman, i feel happy reading that!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:43pm
540: Femininewoman says:

Miss Stix I believe it is my fear of the possibility and being in a good relationship with a really good man.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:43pm
541: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel happy, content, peaceful, like everything is going to be okay.

I feel mellow.

This feels nice!

I want to feel this way all the time.

I feel so up and down so much.
I love and accept the ups
I love and accept the downs.
I love and accept ME.

It feels exciting. No one never knows what to expect with me. A man actually told me that once, but he meant it as a compliment, he was smiling when he said it.

I feel very accepting of myself.

I want to feel this way all the time!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:44pm
542: MissStix says:

woops sorry you did say “push” and not “scare”. But I see moving away from a woman initiating contact as “scared”. Sorry if my words don’t apply.

He does sound delightful even from a small snippet.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:44pm
543: Femininewoman says:

More from his profile

“I’ve gotten good at a couple of things over the years…thinking, loving, laughing, cuddling, standing up for what is right, massage, organizing things, listening, apologizing, saying “I don’t know”, noticing, and making great sandwiches. This is not a complete list.

I have a lot to offer and I gladly offer it. I am looking for someone to hand-build an extraordinary relationship with. So roll up your sleeves and come on! “

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:45pm
544: Heart says:

Wow…I guess it makes sense now…
I couldn’t understand how he could be asking me out one linute and then…

I feel sorry for the girl who tagged him and was begging him to come out….I guess she saw the same Sunday pic I did and felt triggered…
wow…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:48pm
545: MissStix says:

woah chills!

“roll up your sleeves and come on”

Jeez even after all this time i’m electrically excited at the prospect of a really good man!

His words give all kinds of delectable visuals don’t they?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:48pm
546: Iamabutterfly says:

I had this epiphany last night. I feel tired of ups and downs from men (ironic, since that’s what they get from me,) I want stability and consistency and GOOD TREATMENT.

I feel tired of guys with girlfriends
I feel tired of guys who smother and then leave and then come back and smother.

They can do what they want.

I feel happy with me, no matter what they’re doing!

A guy who used to treat me really well is back in my life, and I finally feel accepting, deserving, and thankful.

so many other guys don’t compare with how GOOD this guy has treated me.

and he’s not the only one!

I’ve been feeling magnetized to men who are rubber bands. It’s what feels “normal” to me, but that’s not normal, that’s unhealthy and unstable.

I’m choosing to drink in and feel deserving of the good treatment I’ve been getting.

Affectionate hugs for no reason? I’ll take that, thankyouverymuch! More please!

Being shuttled around town. Yes! More please!

Being called, taken out to restaurants, invited to events, introduced to friends like I’m special, yes! More please!

Being ignored? No! No more!
No calls? No plans? No leadership? No, no, and no!

NO feels sooooooooooo good!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:53pm
547: Heart says:

Sirens….
…..

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:53pm
548: Heart says:

#537 Bloom-ing- I feel curious….why do u feel triggered? what emotions are coming up? It’s ok–>hammer away …this is Siren Island…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:56pm
549: Smile says:

Ooh femininewoman!

I remember reading this today from Rori: In an online dating environment, it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to initiate contact

Get going on initiating the contact!!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:56pm
550: Heart says:

At the end of the day I stil feel uncomfortable and confused ad sad about WeirdGuy/Cuddleygrinch.
I still can’t picture myself hanging out with him.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:59pm
551: Smile says:

I feel nosey into how you would initiate contact FW? Would you be open to sharing with us if you choose to?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:59pm
552: bloom-ing says:

aww i was feeling kind of “ditched” by my friend & she just invited me out for a glass of wine tomorrow ! how sweet !!!!!! i feel lucky : ) thank you more please!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 1:59pm
553: Dominique says:

Iamabutterfly – How about ebbs and flows instead of ups and downs? Feels more uplifting and happy, an as it’s supposed to be feeling.

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:02pm
554: Smile says:

Llamabutterfly 546- this matches my situation perfectly too!

Thank you, reading your post has added to my strength.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:02pm
555: April Rose says:

…hello you tasty tasy sirens…….yummmmmm…..you said my name ……..yessssss….. I love you I love you …I love you up you juicy juicy ladies……

but that was several hours ago….. I went away to talk with and feed fifteen people! yesss…they were hungry…..
and, they didn’t say my name like you do…..sweet siren….yes, you….i’m talking to you……say my name again and I will go into raptures of pleasure loving you forever…….aaaaaaaaaaahhh

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:03pm
556: Smile says:

Well apart from having a Good guy in my life, he’s on his way lol!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:04pm
557: Tam says:

Yay, Lama…..couldn’t agree more!!!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:08pm
558: Femininewoman says:

It would be a comment about how I feel reading something specific in tbe profile. I have read where it is the one time Rori suggests initiating but I tend to hesitate

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:10pm
559: bloom-ing says:

heart, i just feel scared a bit, because less than a week ago i felt “sure” that i just didn’t want to live with my man anymore. felt sure i needed to go to live with my parents. felt sure “my way” & “my dreams” were somehow falling apart with this man & i felt driven to create space between us….. & i was really close. taking advice from my loving mother who was telling me, don’t even give him a chance, just walk away, it will be easier that way…. & it’s true, that would’ve made it “easier” to walk away…. but i didn’t take her advice, i took the “siren” advice to go slow… share my feelings…. be vulnerable…. & i felt SHOCKED & so surprised because this man – we’ve talked children, marriage, life-long partnership – somehow i had not shared with him my dream……. my Big Dream, you know ? …. & when i finally did, i felt so scared…….. i really felt sure he wouldn’t “get” it…. or he would tell me it wasn’t possible ….. i seriously felt sure of that. & instead, he shared with me that that is why he moved out here. he already has the same dream. he was laughing – it is ludicrous – i have no idea how we hadn’t connected around that….. so puzzling. feels magical. i just got off the phone with him & he was saying all the ways he’s working to do what *we* want – energy renewed, for both of us, to feel Partnership & dream-weaving in that simultaneous, synchronistic way… & everything is improving (though it felt good to me already), now that that “block” between us has been removed….. it feels easier to laugh, easier to eat healthily, easier to have great sex…….. & i’m renewing my commitment to myself & feeling supported in that as well….. feels yum & feels scary how i almost ripped myself away….. & to me it does feel like “fear of intimacy” in a very odd way that i hadn’t anticipated about myself……… it feels very “regressive” like i crave being parented & being cared for – like i feel unsure i can do it for myself – & that gives me a weak, shaky, “invalid” feeling – not “not valid” but “sick” – which now i’m feeling super intrigued about the relationship between those 2 words…. anywayz…. i want to commit to taking responsibility for my feelings, for my life, for my work…. & also i want to practice Choosing Relationship over choosing addiction to fear & anxiety & possibly “Drama”…..

thanks for asking : ) thanks for listening : ))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:12pm
560: Heart says:

#533 Bloom-ing – ok I like that approach…
He isn’t wrong or bad….he is fine…
He just doesn’t work for me…You’re fired CuddleyGrinch!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:13pm
561: Maria says:

Miss feminine woman, Thanks for your response.
Yes I have expressed the way I recieve love best. He knows well what I am missing from the relationship. It’s just who he is. How he is, but it is very difficult to accept the inconsistency. There are times that he IS affectionate, and it makes me melt when he is.
What I’d really like to know is how to change the vibe. How to shift the energy between us so that he can “see” me again and appreciate me again. It’s hard to “lean” back when we sleep together. I feel like I have to shut myself down emotionally in order to play this game.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:14pm
562: Heart says:

lol April Rose!

Blooming – wow…food for thought…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:16pm
563: Calypso says:

FW – I always find it odd when a guy “Favorites” me, but does not initiate any contact. It makes me wonder if there is something in his profile that prevents him from emailing me – I have a lot of restrictions…

I understand your hesitation to make contact first – if he does not respond, I have lost the possibility of it . . . I would not contact him again if he ignores me the first time, but I usually go for it. Like you said – say something interesting about his profile – ask a leading question that he can answer, say something funny or clever. be brave

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:16pm
564: Femininewoman says:

Maria I believe Dominique can help you

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:16pm
565: Heart says:

559 – Blooming – thank you for sharing that…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:20pm
566: April Rose says:

Love you forever, Heart…..(((((yummy you))))))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:24pm
567: bloom-ing says:

heart, thank you for saying “hammer away!” aww i feel light & smile-y reading that : ))))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:25pm
568: smile says:

he he its feels funny seeing myself on the blog. I feel real!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:27pm
569: April Rose says:

Miss Stix,

“.. I sucked power and good feelings from the air around me..”

I love that, too.
I’m doing it now and will do it whenever I remember.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:29pm
570: April Rose says:

Wahhh…i’ve missed so much.
Only went away from the blog a few hours.
So many many juicy postings to munch…….

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:32pm
571: bloom-ing says:

maria,

idk if you’ve tried this, but maybe if you’re in bed & you are feeling like you want to be touched, maybe you could say, “i’m feeling turned on……” & maybe he will touch you or maybe not. if so, you could say, “mmmmm it feels so amazing to feel the weight of your hand on my hip…. i feel safe… thank you” & maybe it will go further, maybe not. but maybe that will feel good for you.

maybe also there are other times of the day (not night-time, which is when a lot of people are drop-dxad tired) when you could say, “mm you look so sexy in that color of shirt…. it would feel so good to me to go into the bedroom & feel you take my clothes off & touch me…” lol i feel weird writing that out, but ! maybe it would feel good for you to invite him in (in a way where any “rejection” could play out flirtatiously, rather than negatively….) at different times, just to see if maybe he has “energy” apart from “bed-time” : )

what do you think?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:34pm
572: bloom-ing says:

i’ve tried the “mmm… i feel turned on” just lying in bed when i want to be touched, & i swear those words can conjure fire out of a wet mop lol …. but if i hadn’t gotten a “reaction” then i might have gotten up to read for a bit or maybe i would have just written myself a lovely sensual dream to sink into….. they weren’t “emotionally loaded” when i tried them & i think i would have felt frightened to use them if they had felt that way to me… (((maria)))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 2:39pm
573: Smile says:

FW, I feel confident you will know what to write

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:09pm
574: Laughing Goddess says:

Ruth: I just saw this quote and somehow it seems relevant in light of what you wrote.

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
~Steve Furtick

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:10pm
575: Laughing Goddess says:

Please feel free to share whatever you like with me. If I feel triggered, I might say something but I promise not to attack. I definitely don’t feel like I have everything sussed out, although it does feel kinda good that I might be coming across as somewhat solid. I actually feel a bit messy today.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:13pm
576: Laughing Goddess says:

Thanks Dominique! My heart feels so warm hearing that.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:15pm
577: Sirenity says:

Turquoise, Hi , I am feeling delighted at your progress and at the Vision Board likeness and that you have someone caring for you.

I have done this before about C and i apologise for doing it again. I am about to say CAUTION.

If a man says he is not ready for a relationship , then believe HIM , not your hopeful heart.

I hear your frequent disclaimers that you know he is not available, but i also read that your heart is excited and hooked and your actual presence is constantly with him.

Have you been CDing?
Please , please , please CD for all you are worth.
Show him by your absence that his lack of availability means you arent available either!!!

I feel so anxious for you. I see you doing what i did. i was hooked for 5 years. I did not BELIEVE his early words that he was not ready for a relationship. I beleived my heart that he would soon love me so much that he would commit.

And he didnt . It was just Friends with benefits to him. As that what your scenario is too? Is that all you want?

It looked on the outside like a relationship, meeting the family, constant togetherness etc, but it was not.

Take great care of your beautiful heart,
Please CD and cut your time with him.

IF he is the man for you

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:26pm
578: April Rose says:

Lovin’ ya, messy lady (((((((Laughing goddess)))))))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:26pm
579: April Rose says:

Laughing Goddess

I like your quote.
I also remember one by Charlie Chaplin – he said “life is a tragedy in close-up and a comedy in long-shot”

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:29pm
580: Heart says:

I kinda miss Manboy….he would make me laugh and he brought out my playfulness…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:31pm
581: Heart says:

Why did I attract this WeirdGuy? ick.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:36pm
582: Heart says:

who am I kidding Manboy was SuperLame

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:50pm
583: Rebecca says:

FW

Yes, I felt at one with nature, beautiful and free. I felt acceptance of myself. I felt so small, like a dot on the universe, but that was exhilerating too. Suddenly my ‘problems’ didn’t seem so much in the grand scheme of things. The world doesn’t care if you live or die. The mountain doesn’t care if I live or die. It’s there long after I am gone.

It made me feel sad but yet happy.

Everything was as it should be. This world was about more than just me, and that feels powerful, and that feels exhilerating.

My heart felt da dum da dum da dum… It felt in tune with me. I needed every breath that I took. I realised how powerful my body was. How powerful all our bodies are. How our survival instinct kicks in a takes over.

We are always at one with nature, and that realisation made me feel tearful. We think we ‘need’ so much, yet it is all there for us, for the taking. Our ancestors respected it. We need to remember that we shouldn’t take it for granted.

I felt serene, like maybe the mountain the mountain ‘had’ all the answers.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 3:56pm
584: Heart says:

sounds beautiful Rebecca.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:11pm
585: April Rose says:

I feel lifted.

The hand of the great Love brought to my heart a smile.

A man wrote to me on OKCupid. And he is yum. And on his profile he has a tasty black and white photograph of his naked butt and legs. (And a lovely one of his face).

Yum. (I love that word) YYYUUUUMMMMM!

I feel super sleepy and dreamy and happy with my delicious femininity and so gorgeous that I expressed it in my reply to him.

Good night gorgeous, dreamy, mysterious World.
Goodnight sweet and sexy sirens.

Thank you for saying my name …. twas a spell that broke the evil fairy’s curse. God bless you.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 4:33pm
586: April Rose says:

(oops went into moderation – try again!)

I feel lifted.

The hand of the great Love brought to my heart a smile.

A man wrote to me on OKCupid. And he is yum. And on his profile he has a tasty black and white photograph of his naked butt and legs. (And a lovely one of his face).

Yum. (I love that word) YYYUUUUMMMMM!

I feel super sleepy and dreamy and happy with my delicious femininity and so gorgeous that I expressed it in my reply to him.

Good night gorgeous, dreamy, mysterious World.
Goodnight sweet and sexy sirens.

Thank you for saying my name …. twas a spell that broke the e*vil fairy’s curse. God bless you.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:16pm
587: Dominique says:

Maria – 561 – You said it. He is who he is. This may change when you can change your feelings about him, when you can accept him and love him for who he is RIGHT NOW, in this moment, in each and every moment. But there are no guarantees. When it no longer matters to you, for you are enjoying and reveling in what he can do for you, give to you, then and only then he will change, MAYBE. But it won’t matter.

Leaning back is not a game. It’s taking care of you and not looking to him to fill the voids. He enhances the whole you. He cannot complete you.

If after all of this, you still think he falls short, then you need to rethink this relationship.

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:32pm
588: Dominique says:

bloom-ing – 559 – I loved reading this. What a wonderful revelation for you. Brava.

xxoo

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 5:35pm
589: Radlove says:

Emerson,

507 – Thanks, you are pretty much accurate in what you say about K. He treats me far better now. I think it’s cuz he came head to head with losing me completely when I ended the friendship a few months ago. You would be surprised how much he helps me thru concrete and steel.

But yes, you’re right. An in person male buddy would feel fantastic!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:20pm
590: Radlove says:

Ruth,

484 – “But in radloves case(sorry radlove)-she and R have a long and complex history and so it isnt like doing that with a CD

I think

??
”

Feels pretty confusing to me, too.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:21pm
591: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

471 – Thanks, I feel good to feel supported. I feel “got”. Yes, it is not cool to be chasing. Really put the reins on myself again on that one. Getting it more and more. I keep telling myself he falls in love with me most in the moments when he is missing me and thinking about me.

“Sometimes you don’t know what is until you know what ain’t.” ~ Burt Rosenburg

I think because I just wasn’t DOING leaning back, that I had to explore why. I’ve known to lean back for over 3 years, and I wasn’t doing it. So I started exploring my beliefs around that and testing them out. Rori’s way of leaning back won the test!

So I still do it and still feel the pull to initiate, but I feel stronger and more clear in that, and now my underlying belief has shifted to leaning back.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:27pm
592: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca that was really beautiful to read.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:28pm
593: Femininewoman says:

bloom_ing Wow 559 was absolutely beautiful and enthralling

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:33pm
594: Radlove says:

blooming

262 – I knew I shouldn’t have put that in here about grabbing his crotch. There are some things with two people that just can’t be shared, and it’s a case of “I guess you had to be there.”

I feel frustrated that the playfulness of romance seems unrecognized often on the blog. And it was the attit ude and what came before the crotch grabbing that made all the difference.

I am an extremely sensitive woman, and most often I like slow, serious, sacred lovemaking.

But there’s a wild woman in me, and at times I like to fu(ck like a wild animal!

R and I had had an especially playful, connected day. I felt totally spontaneous and free. My playfulness was totally welcomed. He was playing along when he commented in mock horror. There had been many times before that when he teased me into grabbing him thru his pants, like under the table in a restaurant.

Context is everything, darling. And Rori encourages us to let ourselves be playful. Just like last night when I was texting R. We were talking about being spoiled again, and I used Rori’s feeling message and question to ask him how he would like to be spoiled.

We were discussing stuff like playing with hair, foot massages, when he said, “I need my hiney spanked, because I’ve been a very bad boy!”

I started laughing hilariously! TOTALLY out of character for him, as was my crotch grabbing in 2009. So I gave him an LOL, saying, “I will spank your hiney until it’s red and stinging!”

Playfulness.

Chill out, ladies.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:37pm
595: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

305 – Awww, thanks!

And Heart, Smile, and others who gave me cyber hugs, hugs back to you! (((You)))!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:41pm
596: Radlove says:

Belle,

383 – Aww, thanks for being so open and candid about your processes. We are all in process.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:48pm
597: Radlove says:

LG,

386 – Thanks for being so soft and gentle. I really need that. Yes, I will post some of what Rori emailed me about R. Just getting caught up on the blog.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:51pm
598: Radlove says:

Ruth,

388 – “Radlove inspires just what her name says, doesnt she?”

I am not sure how to take that! But I laughed.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 6:52pm
599: Radlove says:

Ruth,

396 – Thank you! It is ok to talk about me when I’m not here. I walk away a lot of times without mentioning it. Then I check later. But since it is written, it is not like you are talking behind my back.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:06pm
600: Radlove says:

LG,

398 – Thank you, yes I trust Rori’s perspective, too. She is very wise.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:07pm
601: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

401 – “Ruth

Maybe I should remain silent… I will think about this… I guess I am just feeling icky.. I feel like I need to process it all for me so I can heal. I want to heal too… I feel a lost voice on the blog.. I feel weak and meak..
”

I encourage you to find your voice on the blog. It feels good and healing to state your feelings.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:08pm
602: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

407 – “I see your huge caring heart and I wish you everything you could wish for yourself.”

I really appreciate this and everything else you said on this post. Wow, I feel honored that I was a big reason you came to the blog!

Yes, working with those populations for 6-7 years made a major impact on me. It largely prepared me for the unusual things I encountered with R. And gave me much tolerance for people with differences, in addition to what you pointed out.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:11pm
603: Radlove says:

Dominique,

414 – “I will say this though; it’s irrelevant how I or anyone else feels or thinks about her situation. What is important here is that this is here in front of her, stark and vividly real, poignant and painful, wonderful and achingly frustrating, as a great lesson, no matter how it all plays out. There is opportunity for tremendous growth and healing here.

xxoo”

Right on! Thank you, beautiful!

That’s one reason I felt triggered when I was told I wasted 3.5 years on him. It has been 3.5 yrs of the fastest emotional and social growth of my life! And so much more!

Not that I am justifying the pain I have gone thru. But I just am in the thick of growth. Growing left and right. And maybe I don’t grow at the same pace as Laura, Lisa, Kathy, Debbie, and Martina.

But I grow at MY pace, and my growth is tremendous, and I really like who I am. I came from a far more socially backward place than many of you, apparently. Some of this stuff I learn by baby steps in a serious way.

I radically love and accept myself. And so does R. And so does God. Those are the main things that matter to me.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:18pm
604: Radlove says:

LG,

427 – “I do have a right to feel.”

I totally agree.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:21pm
605: Radlove says:

Luzydel,

441 – That felt nice to read, thanks!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:24pm
606: Radlove says:

Dominique,

445 – “In a typical situation, the sexting would not be appropriate. This is usually reserved for those in relationship. But then most women would not feel comfortable going there anyway.”

This is where I feel a lot of confusion, because he is most times leading and encouraging the sex talk. It is one more reason why I believe he really IS still considering me as a future wife. It ain’t over till it’s over.

Daria was helping me to understand the concept of what makes a man put us in the friend category vs the sexy, romantic woman who is the air I breathe category.

I agree with her that he is giving me a second millionth chance, and that if I work Rori’s tools of letting him miss and chase me; acting like a confident woman in all the tools Rori describes, that I will steadily, and indeed, AM steadily, shift from the buddy woman to the goddess woman who he will fall in love with.

So I go with the flow when he initiates sexy talk.

And, Rebecca, Rori has no issues with casual sex.

Dominique said, “Yet Radlove has a history with this man, a long one as well as a sexual one even though they did not have intercourse.”

Yes, so there are shared memories we built. Christian Carter talks in “Communication Secrets” about a relationship being like a bridge that is built of connecting cables, beams, etc. The more of those that are built, the stronger the bridge becomes. I am ever strengthening that bridge, and I believe R already doesn’t want to live without me.

Dominique said, “If she were my client, I would likely suggest she refrain, YET she is experimenting, trying on new wings. She feels comfortable doing this, and he has not rejected her texts. They seem to have a very clear boundary around this which is unique to them and their situation.”

I honestly feel unsure if I should or shouldn’t. I am most definitely experimenting. He welcomes it.

One time he said to me he would open up his heart and soul to his Soul Mate. And, at the time, that he was closed with me (at a time in 2009) because he didn’t believe I was his Soul Mate. So when he becomes so open with me, I trust that he is opening his energy to me because he wants to move closer emotionally…

R is the o ne who has set such firm boundaries around sex. He has said from the beginning that he only wants to climax with the woman who is his Soul Mate, when they are in a committed relationship.

He kissed me a number of times in 2009, but I haven’t been kissed by him for about 3 years. So I don’t expect any of this stuff in reality, at this stage.

The history is very long and very complex. I feel inadequate to navigate it. Last night in the teleconference, Rori said we don’t NEED to figure everything out. She said the goal is to just go with your feelings in the moment. Let HIM figure it out.

That is what I have been trying to do all along, for the most part. I know I get all in my head many times, but that has been my ever present goal.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:35pm
607: Radlove says:

Smile,

453 – I love the term sexting, too!

Here’s the thing…I almost STRICTLY refuse to talk about sex in a flirty way with most men. I feel very turned off by it.

R has EARNED the right to talk to me about sex, because he has logged thousands of hours taking time to get to know my heart! I feel entirely, completely, 100% open to him! He cares about ME.

If this were the average CD plunging into questions about sex, I’d brush them off rapidly! Next!

I love talking with R about sex!!!! Love it!!!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:40pm
608: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

477 – “Dominique

I really appreciate your response but I don’t see the difference here. To me it seems that ‘sex talk’ is being used as a way to get a mans attention in whatever way shape or form.”

Is that wrong??!!??!!

To me, that is like saying “It seems that “feeling messages” are being used as a way to get a man’s attention in whatever way shape or form.”

Hello?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 7:51pm
609: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

Well, if you can break up with someone that you aren’t in a real, committed relationship with, I just did it. C and I still have a lot of issues to work out, he triggers me tremendously, and that was brought to serious light this week. I endure a lot of bad behavior from him, to not make things worse. Since I don’t see him all the time, it didn’t feel like all the time… but the last several visits have all had a fight/arguement. Mr. C reminded me that it really affects me and holds me back. Almost to the point that he said something like, it’s what’s keeping me from a relationship.

It got pretty ugly tonight with C, but I stood up for myself and felt proud that I maintained my cool until he made our 9 year old cry and then threatened me for custody. That resulted in a big F you from me to him.

Mr. C had talked me through some things to say earlier, said he pushes me because I’m such a great person. etc. But he was also pretty triggered tonight and in an i hate women mode, wants to break some hearts, doesn’t want a relationship, wants to make his ex suffer because she did it to him… and it became extremely clear to me that this isn’t as good for me as I’d thought. Tonight after sharing with him what happened with C, I told him that I knew I probably shouldn’t bring this up now because I’m upset, but that my girls are getting too attached to him and I think it’s good we’ll be so busy now with summer over and can’t spend as much time togheter. The truth is, he wants his freedom, will date and has a lot of emotion to work through before he’d even be good for me or even maybe want what I want long term. I don’t want us to all get more attached. I told him I wasn’t saying we shouldn’t be friends, just that the more we do this the more attached everyone is going to get. He keeps telling me that he’s chasing dreams and believes I’ll be really upset by that and not settle for normal or happy. He loves to say I don’t understand him. I think I do and sure wouldn’t want to stand in anyones way. He tried to keep it going for awhile, saying that I need to enjoy the good we have now, focus on that, that I’m killing the joy in it…. but today didn’t feel joyful. It felt like I cannot rely on any men to take care of me or save me. I have to do the work myself and finish healing. Not feel healed because someone is nice to me. I may really regret this, because I do really care about him and we all get along well…. but I don’t want to be around the toxic behavior he’s talked about wanting. I don’t want wrapped up in all this drama. I want to finish my healing and move beyond all that pain in my past. I want to feel free.

I’m really starting to wonder if I’ll have big love in my life. If it’s going to be real for me. I feel like I can only count on myself, because everyone has themselves to think of. I’ll still see him, we’ll still talk… but it will probably be very different.

I may have just sabatoged myself, or maybe prevented some heartache… too soon to tell.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:20pm
610: Radlove says:

(((Turquoise)))

He deserved a royal F U!

I hope going forward that instead of tolerating abusive behavior, you use feeling messages left and right.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:28pm
611: Laughing Goddess says:

Awww, hugs Turquoise. It’ll all work out, this is just a tough day.

You can’t sort it all out right this moment, especially if you are feeling triggered and drained.

Maybe just take a bath and nurture yourself. Tomorrow is a new day and you never know what it will bring.

(((Turquoise)))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:29pm
612: Laughing Goddess says:

Thanks Radlove. It feels good to know that you get where I’m coming from.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:32pm
613: Laughing Goddess says:

Wondering if Starla is enjoying her cruise…

Wondering if she met a red-headed Taurus on it.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:33pm
614: Olympia says:

I have been leaning back with a friend that I would like to cd. We flirt, have shared great conversations, but I sense a feminine energy from him – he will go out with me if I ask, but has not stepped up to the plate and pursued me for dates. I feel happy to move on to real CDs, but I do want to give him one last chance. What do my fellow sirens think about this as a script:

“I like the way I feel when I’m with you one on one. I feel a charge when we touch and feel sad that it only happens when we’re out with friends and drinking. I don’t want to wonder if the person I would love to date and continue to get to know better feels the same way about me. What do you think?”

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:34pm
615: Olympia says:

((turquoise))

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:37pm
616: Laughing Goddess says:

Olympia: When I read your script, it seems a little like beating around the bush and I’m imagining a man might feel confused hearing it.

What about, “I feel attracted to you and am wondering if you feel the same?”

Oh my gosh! That feels so scary to say. I feel shaky just typing it. :-/

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:39pm
617: Laughing Goddess says:

or maybe

“I feel curious if there is a possibility of us dating. What do you think?”

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:40pm
618: Laughing Goddess says:

Just brainstorming here…..

I feel curious if we would be a good match romantically

I feel a spark. wondering if you feel the same

oh geez, I feel unsure of what to say.

How do you feel about these options, Olympia?

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:47pm
619: Turquoise says:

Thanks LG. I’m off to a bath and then bed. Just feel drained and miserable. Thanks for the encouragement. Radlove and Olympia… hugs to you too. Thank you.

Sirenity, I hadn’t seen your post before my conversation with him. But I guess I was feeling those same concerns. He ended it by saying this is why it wouldn’t work for us…. too exhausting to keep explaining himself and me taking things the wrong way. I feel the same. Maybe it’s possible to do too much talking. To share too much.

I can barely keep my eyes open. Think I’ll skip the bath and get a shower in the morning. Goodnight sirens!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 8:56pm
620: Olympia says:

It does feel scary to be so direct! But also freeing. I am genuinely curious, since we have been friends. I feel nervous because I have pursued imaginary relationships in the past, and am trying to change.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:04pm
621: Vi says:

Radlove and Bloom-ing thank you for your feedback on my post and sharing your experience and feelings. I feel moved!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 9:38pm
622: k2012 says:

The article below was sent by Sarah who is affiliated to Christian Carter. Article is good too. I think I read this one before i sent it to the relationship issues box.

Here are a few GREAT do’s and don’ts for getting your ex back. I have had a lot of letters coming in about this subject, and I wanted to share some simple and quick tips with you.

One of the first things I always say is if you want to get your ex back, then you need to yourself straightened up first. If you wallow in your grief and heartache then you will not be able to recover, so you need to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get moving on.

As you go through these tips, remember that these are not things that are set in stone. Feel free to either use them, or discard them as you see fit. Not all will apply to you, but learn what you can, use what you can and discard the rest. So let’s get to it.

Pull Yourself Together

Take a deep breath and focus yourself on YOURSELF. FEEL what you are feeling, get it out, let it all out and then let it GO. What you are feeling right now, the grief, the heartache, the pain – is not YOU, It is merely a feeling, and it WILL pass.

If you are able to do that though, at least on the appearance side of things, you will find that you grab the attention of your ex when they find that you are not as devastated as they expected you to be; that you can function properly and act like a normal human being without them by your side.

Your ex will become piqued when they see that you have already moved on from the breakup. There’s nothing more annoying than to see a person who has recovered from what was supposed to have been a hard breakup. This is good when you eventually show your ex that you although you can live without them, you would rather live with them.

Act normally

Act like you normally would, as if nothing has happened, or gone wrong, as if all is right in your world, when you meet your ex after The Breakup – even if your heart is breaking. This will show them that you have a strong core, and if one of their complaints was that you are weak and/ or clingy, this will show your ex otherwise. Remember – you are a strong woman – you are what you need – he cannot provide that for you – ever. YOU have to do that.

It will also reinforce their perception, when you finally maneuver things around so that you can get back together again, that you can be without them, only that you would rather be with them than without them.

Keep your dignity

Learn to keep your dignity about you, even wrap it around you like a cloak. And whatever you do, don’t mix up dignity with pride though. Pride is not a good thing to wrap yourself in, and you will pay the price for your pride later on.

There is a section in the Catch Him and Keep Him eBook about “Cool Girls” and how they act. I have found this to be VERY APPLICABLE to this situation because there are ways that the “cool girls” act around men that really heightens their interest, and are also VERY applicable in a situation after a breakup. Check it out here:

Catch Him and Keep Him eBook

Back on the subject of dignity, this is what you need as the very last thing that you want to do is to begin ranting and raving like a lunatic. Doing this will only reaffirm for your ex that they made the right decision in leaving you.

It might feel good to vent a little steam, but please, if you are going to do it, don’t do it in a public place. Some things should remain private and this is one of them!

Keep a smile on your face

You should always try to keep a smile on your face, no matter what the provocation. This is true even if your ex is with another person. Learn to keep a smile pasted on your lips, your facial expression pleasant, and make a point of being nice to both of them.

This is good practice as it will show your ex that you can be a mature adult and that you have no hard feelings towards them. It will also give them food for thought when they see that you are not a first class so-and-so.

You will also be showing your ex that there is more to you than he/ she might have thought.

Whatever you do though, don’t ignore or otherwise treat your ex’s new love interest like a pariah. Unless your breakup occurred because of infidelity on the part of your ex, there’s a good chance that this is a rebound relationship. And remember, if you are doing your homework – you are going to have MANY tools at your disposal to make this the relationship you have always wanted.

If you are being really honest with yourself, and you are beginning to realize that perhaps the relationship ended because of your actions (remember – the only person you can change is YOURSELF!) then you may want to invest on doing some work on YOURSELF, so you can break this cycle of bad relationships and get yourself ready for love.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 10:12pm
623: Tam says:

Turquoise, for what it’s worth, I believe you did the right thing to take care of yourself and your kids first and foremost….
He told you that he is not ready, basically, and I always try to take a man’s words at face value.
He seems confused and still hurting….

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:37pm
624: Tam says:

I feel werid, nervous….going to check out a few dentists this morning. But I have a bad cough so no appointment too soon…I hate putting this off..

Also realised that I feel nervous about being back in Fl in 4 weeks time. I was looking fwd to it soooo much and now I feel tense and nervous. Also excited.
Scared of doing thid dance again with MrP. I feel he is in his cave right now, waiting to jump as soon as I am in the vicinity. I might be wrong. Sometimes I wish I was wrong. I just don’t want things to get messy…but I am stronger now. Aaaargh. 4 weeks to get even more strong…

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 @ 11:51pm
625: Smile says:

K2012

I have found in reading stuff about getting your ex back that in working on yourself you can discover your strength and so the last parts may not be relevant, there is no longer a fixation on trying to ‘get your ex back’.

It feels freeing!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:25am
626: Smile says:

Tam, ages ago you wrote this to me about getting sucked back in with strummingman…

You said: Smile, you are shifting.
You may ‘fall’ for it again when he goes hot, however, you can’t unlearn what you have already learnt because you are aware of more stuff now.
I have also given in knowing it was perhaps not a good idea, but I jumped in ‘KNOWING’ it wasn’t maybe the best idea – and with no expectyations that things would change. And that’s when he changed. Magic.
It’s different from trying to change him etc.
It’s a learning curve, letting go of control and bringing it back to ourselves.

It feels right to share this back with you 

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:28am
627: Smile says:

Tam, yes you are so much stronger now. I can feel your strength.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:30am
628: Tam says:

Smile!!!! Oh, that’s soooooooo nice!!!!! I feel so good about you sending me what I wrote to you!!! Thank you soooo much.
Yes, yes, yes (I can do it, I have changed)

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:37am
629: Tam says:

Can I live up to my own ‘wise words’…haha..
(yes, hopefully)

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:38am
630: Smile says:

Tam, I feel confident you’ll know what to do!

(I’m practising this line lol, feels like giving strength!)

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:47am
631: Tam says:

Thank you Smile
off to check out the dentists…

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:07am
632: Tam says:

So much for that..the Universe told me that today is not the day to conquer my dentist fears…as I stepped outside it was raining and there was a thunderstorm brewing..dentist a half hour walk away…decided to turn around and go tomorrow….

I once got caught in a thunderstorm in woods all by myself. It was so frightening and such a primaeval fear experience (also empowering), that nowadays I stay away from thunderstorms if I can…..

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:52am
633: Rebecca says:

Radlove

I apologise if I’ve got this wrong but Dominique is saying that she doesn’t encouarge sexting outside of a relationship – although that she can see an exception for your relationship with R because of all your history etc. Is this correct? Apologies if not.

Aa far as I can she is ‘not’ saying that sex messages are the same as feeling messages.

What do you think?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:04am
634: Rebecca says:

Radlove, you said:

And, Rebecca, Rori has no issues with casual sex.

As far as I have understood Rori is talking about casual sex where you are not hoping for more. In your case, and again excuse me if I am wrong, you would be hoping for more.

What do you think?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:08am
635: Tam says:

I guess, if I may chip in here, the point is that if we can keep it lighthearted fun (the sex, the sexting and whatever else) rather than hoping to draw someone to us by doing it – it’s all good?!
That’s how I see and interpret it.
As soon as we are doing certain things because we think he will run to us because of it: manipulation.
Isn’t it? Hoping for a certain result…is the same as chasing.

I think the same is true with feeling messages. I believe they are about being authentic and watching what happens, rather than seeing them as a ‘means to an end’. As a side effect they draw men closer, not just men but everybody.

That’s my personal interpretation. Maybe because previously, I might have crafted out feeling messages thinking maybe it will draw him closer. I felt this was not an authentic way and now I speak my truth and if he runs then I will cheer him on and hand him some energy drink so he can run further. No prob.

Same with the sexting. I honestly admit that I used to think it makes men think I am ‘cool’ and ‘interesting’. Now I would do a little of tongue and cheek maybe, but only if it feels good and the man initiaties and it doesn’t go too far for comfort…

BTW, those are my personal opinions and in no way am I pressing that on anybody

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:23am
636: April Rose says:

Feeling frustrated. Also happy, and wanting more.

Happy Thank you More Please

I wish you weren’t just cyber-friends.
I wish we could have a deep real-life friendship. We could really flow and have fun, with a deep foundation of siren femininity to bond us….

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:26am
637: Femininewoman says:

((((Turquoise)))))
bah humbug you sabotaged nothing. You experienced a lot. Keep valuing yourself and you will find a man who does too.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:47am
638: Rebecca says:

Tam

Thanks for you response. I am still confused though. Are you saying it’s okay to do flirty sex messages? What about highly explicit ‘I feel horney and would like you to do this, this and this to me….’?

I can’t quite work this out! Apologies!

What do you think?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:49am
639: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca I believe it is best to leave that kind of thing until you are in a real relationship. One with commitment. Men are in different stages of their life. If in the stage where there are only interested in casual or one night stand, that will mean you are asking for a hook up. Take care of yourself first.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:53am
640: Tam says:

637….personally, Rebecca, I would reserve the ‘highly explicit’ messages for my boyfriend.

Although, I have had it coming at me from the other side…as a ‘try’ to push my boundaries, and at the time found it quite amusing. But I wouldn’t say it.

But I believe everyone has to find their own way…

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:55am
641: Rebecca says:

Anyway, I don’t want to spend all day discussing this on the blog again. I know how I feel and I’m gonna stick with that. I feel like everyone is going round in circles and teading on egg shells regarding this subject and I’m feeling very, very drained from it.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:56am
642: Rebecca says:

FW

I am under the impression that men are always looking for sex no matter what. If you mention words like falling on me dick first, vagina, boobies, titties, or anything remotely sexual in conversation – even if its just something simple like the words panties, bra or knickers, etc they will take the hint. And if they are available to you you will know about it, and if not you will know about it too..

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:01am
643: Rebecca says:

Tam

If we are finding our own way then why are we here? I am totally confused by all this – it’s not making any sense to me. Seems everyone is making it up as they go along anyway. There doesn’t seem to be much consistency to me. I am feeling unsure about things.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:20am
644: Femininewoman says:

Men are driven by testosterone, so yes sex is on their mind. Isn’t that part of what romantic relationships is about? However, if a man specifically says he only wants friendship I see it as shooting oneself in the foot to engage in sexual banter with him. For me it seems the woman is offering herself as a plaything that he might never value.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:20am
645: Femininewoman says:

You are the only one in your life so only you can find your way regardless of what you learn here. As you already see not everyone puts the wisdom of Rori into practice.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:22am
646: Rebecca says:

I agree with Feminine woman about the question of integrity on this blog. There doesn’t seem to be any at the moment.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:24am
647: Tam says:

Men will be men.

My friend bought her husband a T-Shirt where it says in really small letters:’while you are trying to read this I am staring at your tits’. He was wearing it proudly at an outdoor event the other day and told everybody that his wife understands him. I wasn’t even triggered by that anymore, in the past I might have been.

MrP always gets horny when he sees me, haha. In order to avoid the relationship talk, his coping strategy is to take a cold shower. The first time he did that, like run off to the bathroom, I was laughing so hard, I had tears coming from my eyes. Now he says he takes ‘cold showers’ before we meet, so that he is more relaxed…. I do find that very funny.

These things amuse me a little because it just shows how different men and women are in some respects.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:26am
648: Rebecca says:

Tam

I find that quite odd to be honest. Sorry.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:32am
649: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca you might wish to consider sending a question directly to Rori if you need some clarity.s

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:33am
650: Femininewoman says:

Men are different, yes Tam. Science has proven that their brains are wired differently, they experience emotions in different part of their bodies than we do. Apparently they feel them intensely in their hands. They are driven by testosterone while we have estrogen.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:36am
651: Rebecca says:

FW

I would but I have a feeling the response may be the same as Dominiques and then I would feel stuck, and I don’t want to feel stuck.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:37am
652: Tam says:

643 FW totally agree with that:
‘However, if a man specifically says he only wants friendship I see it as shooting oneself in the foot to engage in sexual banter with him. For me it seems the woman is offering herself as a plaything that he might never value’

Furthermore, apparently the value of the woman drops in the man’s eyes…or he might even feel uncomfortable… I noticed that even though MrP starts sometimes to do a little sex talk, if I carry on with it and play, after a while he will stop it and seems to feel uncomfortable…even say sometimes ‘enough of that’, and change the topic completely.
I actually really like that and see it as a mark of respect.

One time lately I was totally put out, as we were in my place and it was getting late and I put my nightie on (yes, it is sexy). Jeepers, he looked at me as if I was the devil and said ‘maybe you could put some more clothes on, else it looks like you want to seduce me, and from what I gather that’s what you’ve been trying to avoid? How about a T-Shirt, that would be better, I like you wearing T-Shirts’.
I was stood there like a stone. Because he had sussed me out before I even knew it myself….I was rejecting him sexually and saying that I want a relationship and not a sexual relationship only – and then I was inviting him basically. So I put a T-Shirt on….and dropped lip for a bit (not for long though)
Afterwards I thought: hmmmmmm….yes, I must not send contradicting messages out.
I want to be taken seriously and not just be an object of desire….so I want to portray that too.
But now things are good with regards to that, as we managed to spend months just to enjoy each other’s company, so I know full well that I am not just an object of desire.
However, had we had sex this last time we spent so much time together, I would likely never know that he likes me as a person and my mind more than my body.

So now I am ever so careful when dating, to not slip into sex talk or get down to kissing and sex etc too soon…I want to know whether a man likes me for me first. I believe it’s worth it and everything else can come after..there is plenty of time

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:39am
653: Tam says:

oops, I am in moderation….just meant to say with examples, that I agree with FW’s sentence

‘However, if a man specifically says he only wants friendship I see it as shooting oneself in the foot to engage in sexual banter with him. For me it seems the woman is offering herself as a plaything that he might never value’

I was saying that it might devalue the woman in his eyes and so on. Well, it is stuck in moderation..

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:42am
654: Rebecca says:

FW

You could say the same about women.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:43am
655: Tam says:

647 – the point is, they will not change because we find them ‘odd’ but they might if we accept them just as they are. Isn’t that what we want vice versa also?
I am sure men find a lot of things ‘odd’ about women too….

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:49am
656: Rebecca says:

Tam

You are missing my point, but no worries. I’m tired and I need to get on with things..

Laters

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:53am
657: April Rose says:

Rebecca,

I feel in the mood for some verbal sparring. I feel agitated. I’m picking up some dissatisfaction around here.
I am saying I’m looking for clarity, but I am actually enjoying the interactions and the buzz….

Hee heee.
Good to see you

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:55am
658: Rebecca says:

I don’t think I remember saying men are ‘odd’ or that I want to change them? Just saying…

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:55am
659: Turquoise says:

Good morning, I feel pretty blah this morning, but ok about my conversations last night. C and I haven’t had a big fight like that in a long time. So draining, but I’m glad I stood up for myself. I need to figure out how to deal with him without my emotions getting all off kilter and it affecting me so much.
I’m going to miss Mr. C if this totally blows up and we don’t talk at all, but he can’t be my crutch and my substitution.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:07am
660: Sirenity says:

Turquoise, I just want to say that you are brave and strong. This is VERY attractive. Just lean way back, because Mr Con will no doubt keep circling you because he enjoys your company a great deal and you are part of his healing . You get to decide whether or not you rock star it with him and keep learning while dating others.

Thing is , one day he will be all healed by which time you probably wont want him any more because a gorgeous Mr Wonderful will have scooped you up !!

Dont underestimate your own healing as it goes on..till C stops triggering you …its a roller coaster:)

I have had a guy contacting me who shares a lot of my interests , seems very suitable , but is separated and not yet divorced (not for 12 more months!) I have decided to agree to friends contact only if he is interested in that.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:19am
661: Sirenity says:

Turquoise, to me it feels all very strange that your ex husband is staying in your house and seeing so much of YOU ( him seeing the girls is great !) Have you considered how to avoid as much as possible any unnecessary contact ? Are you both separated enough within the relationship to do that yet or are the attachments still not untied?

Not my business at all, but it seems very stressful and triggering and awkward.

I feel stressed for you !

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:28am
662: Memulo says:

(((Turquoise)))

I feel so proud if you. And yes, it is very attractive to accept the truth and not try to prolong your dream. He will miss you and very soon. I’d switch to less available mode

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:37am
663: Rebecca says:

From now on I am going to try and skip the posts that trigger me. In general I like Rori’s tools and the blog. I’m gonna skip certain posts from now on and focus on me..

Well at least try too!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:42am
664: ruth says:

574 Laughing Goddess

I like that.thank you

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:45am
665: April Rose says:

I am feeling a strong yearning for close female friends in my life.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:46am
666: April Rose says:

Hello Ruth!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:48am
667: ruth says:

Turquoise you are one brave and strong lady

Im not sure I could have coped with all that like you did
Hope you are sleeping well now

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:53am
668: ruth says:

634 Tam
Ooh.Lightbulb moment for me
Thank you
Feeling messages as a “means to an end” dont come out authentically

Im not sure why it has taken me so long to “get” that
I feel a bit stupid

Got it now though

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:56am
669: April Rose says:

How soon is a man supposed to ask you out, when you’ve been writing back and forth on a dating site?

Are there men who just like having a pen pal?

Shall I ask him directly what his intentions are?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:58am
670: Tam says:

Eeerm, Ruth, that is my conclusion….as I read back on the written feeling messages I once delivered…like, a while back….
Others may ‘feel’ differently about that but it was my personal ‘aha’ moment for sure!
Glad it resonates with you

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:59am
671: Sirenity says:

I feel triggered by half baked approaches from men online. They email, I respond,. we exchange two or three mails and there is mutual interest, I send my number ..they stuff around…

A text maybe some time later?
or trying to IM me on dating chat lines ..what the heck? Call me already!!

The ones that call openly and confidently are my kind of guy.

One recently texted me although he had said in an email he would call. I didnt hear the text beep (it is very quite compared to a ring and I was working around the house. I listened out for his call. He did this two nights running. I emailed , just call me , my phone isnt working right for text alerts but he didnt seem to have the courage for a real “live ” chat.

Does this happen to other people? I understand it as a confidence issue, but it feels really bad to have to hand hold a man through an initial phone call. (And these men approach me first on the dating site ..never the other way around)

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:02am
672: April Rose says:

I have to thank a man for helping me build my picture of my desired relationship.

Sadly, it was a misunderstanding, tho’

Last night we were writing about curling up on feather pillows, and he wrote “Yeah, I’m with my ducks now”

I wrote back how intrigued I felt about a man being with ducks at midnight. I imagined him gazing out across a moonlit lake in the grounds of his country home……

Today he wrote “not live ducks, Just their feathers in my pillows and duvet”
I feel silly.
And disappointed that he doesn’t have a lake at his place!!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:02am
673: ruth says:

Hello April Rose!

just checking the blog before popping off to clinic

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:03am
674: ruth says:

Sirenity I agree the man shouild have the chutzpah to call you

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:04am
675: April Rose says:

Sirenity
We seem to be experiencing similar frustrations.

Grrrrr.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:05am
676: sunshine says:

Good morning Sirenity, yes I know exactly what you’re talking about. I would feel so frustrated online about guys who keep beating around the bush…and I do sense from them that they are scared because if they werent interested they wouldnt even beat around the bush but just disappear. I know that I was so over this that I started talking about it. I texted “I feel uncomfortable texting with someone for so long, it feels weird because you are in many ways a stranger.” I gotta tell you that every time i tried it that I would get responses that they understood. One guy even told me he thought my profile was fake and felt hesitant. He said it as a compliment because he was new to online dating and thought my profile was so nice and that I was cute that he thought “too good to be true”..and mostly felt nervous because he was new to the country and also online dating…I was actually his first online date ever! I believed him. Anyway point is that when I was honest about feeling uncomfortable with guys being slow, in many cases they would be very responsive and want to set up a date that week! Another guy said “thanks for your honesty” and he set up a date that week too:)

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:10am
677: sunshine says:

..I would also like to add that if they still beated around the bush, I could really see the “B-S” and would just cut them off, etc. Another thing, the reason why I started to express my feelings about it was because I had the same issue and asked for help here on the blog:) I got the same advice…thanks Sirens

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:13am
678: Tam says:

April Rose, the ducks, he he he
I like your imagination!!

Yep, a lot of online daters are just looking for penpals….and some of them are attached and just looking for a thrill too…humans, eh?!

I once went on a date with a guy who said nothing (we were on a beach) as I tried to keep up a conversation. After a little silence I heard snoring. He slept for an hour until I plucked up courage to wake him up and say ‘I’m off’ – he was disappointed and wanted to meet again. No way! As I was walking home I laughed a lot….he seemed good as an email buddy tho….ha!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:15am
679: April Rose says:

Thanks Sunshine,

That feels helpful.
I am actually enjoying the slowness of written communication for the moment. And, I will try some of the approaches you suggest, if I feel it starting to drag.

Something I notice is the slow/shy ones seem more ‘arty’ than the confident guys.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:16am
680: April Rose says:

Yes, I was saying….men who are arty/musical/creative types seem to be more shy than the masculine construction manager types.

Damn. Why do I still seek out that feminine sensitivity in a man?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:18am
681: Femininewoman says:

Tam you are spot on about the FMs. As you cdate you will see

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:19am
682: Turquoise says:

I talked to my daughter who I thought was getting too attached, and she’s fine… So that is a relief. I have a date tomorrow night, with a guy who also lives pretty close, owns his own business, we’ve emailed back and forth a bit. Will see how it goes. He’s handsome! I need a name for him… Maybe tux because he’s wearing one in his profile picture!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:23am
683: April Rose says:

Ha ha Tam,

Sounds like a guy whose company I could handle! I like silence! Ha ha.

No, seriously, hee hee, I feel tickled…..

Seriously, I felt disappointed that he had no country manor complete with duckpond and rowing boat and lilies growng on the water.

My wishboard images are growing in my mind to lavish and luxurious proportions now.

YUM. I deserve all that!!!!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:26am
684: sunshine says:

April Rose yes I know what you mean too! I love artsy guys, I can relate better to them and I connect their shyness to mysterious in my head and think its sexy. However, I gotta remind myself this is going nowhere or Im gonna have to be the boy leader and no way! I think many really are clueless, hopefully feeling messages will help shake them up!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:29am
685: April Rose says:

Hello Femininewoman,
I wish you were my next door neighbour.
I would bake a cake and ask you in for coffee.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:30am
686: Linda says:

Hello all.

I have been reading a bit here but not commenting.

Been busy for quite a while investing in myself and cultivating new friendships. I never have had too many girlfriends, was always a loaner type. It is enriching my life right now and feels really good.

I dont even have my profile open on a dating website right now. I was not getting desireable responses for me, so I hid it for now. I have been trying to write a new profile but it is just not coming together. I cant find the words. So, I am taking that as a really big sign that it is just not time for me to do it.

This morning I get the paper at work to set out for patients and see a picture of kitchen that has been remodeled and it is owned by the man that the last man in my life rented his new apartment from (is his co-worker)…. again I was triggered! It is a downtown condo, a sort of what I consider consider “upscale ” living lifestyle. That is where he moved to. Of course it appeals to him, he is all about appearance and impression. It made me mad and sad all at the same time. But… I am happy he is out of my life, and free from it all. Then the thought came to me… “you can dress up, look good, live in a place to impress, drive a new fancy car”…. but inside you are still the depressed, harsh, uncaring, self-centered, emotionally scarred unavailable man that you are under all of that!

I am feeling disappointment and sadness that I was not valued by my last man. But that is the truth. I did not say that I was not vaulable but that he did not value me or anything about me. My friend says I deserve better and I believe her, it still just hurts today. Again another thing I am feeling so I can move forward I guess.

For the most part my life is peaceful, and I am feeling calm. I have been triggered big time twice within the last few days. I just let the feeling come and dont take them as I am stuck but instead a part of my journey forward.

I must say that I truely miss having a mans energy in my life. I imagine myself feeling safe and melting into his masculiness.

More later…

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:33am
687: April Rose says:

Hi Linda,

I’d love to help you craft a new profile if you’d like?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:38am
688: Tam says:

684, April Rose can I come for cake and coffee too???
Mmmmh. that would feel good!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:40am
689: Turquoise says:

Thanks sirens! I do appreciate the support. I did lean forward to let mr. C know that I’d worried too much, my daughter is fine. He hasn’t replied. I’m not surprised. But maybe you are right sirenity, maybe he’ll come back. I just want to keep busy!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:42am
690: Turquoise says:

Sirenity he doesn’t stay with me… And isn’t usually home this long. Im going to limit seeing him even more.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:44am
691: Laughing Goddess says:

Poopy pants grouchy can’t sleep
Too hot too cold
Can’t get comfortable
Hungry
No food no tea store closed
Too hot too cold
Dogs trying to cuddle just feels annoying
Can’t sleep
Grrrrrr
Why so hungry?
Where is my personal chef?!?
Dog paws poking my tender boobies
Ouch
Grrrr
Need space
Hungry
Too hot too cold
Grrrr
Grrrrr
Grrrrr

Haha actually feeling amused by the end

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:57am
692: Laughing Goddess says:

Why am I waking up in the middle of the night feeling so hungry when I had dinner?

Grrrrr

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 5:59am
693: Calypso says:

So . . .wow! JC came to my house last night for pizza & beers and we really clicked! I showed him around my house at some of my projects and outside – my driftwood garden and rock gardens and he seemed really interested. He is into antiques and likes woodworking – I think our hobbies compliment eachother very nicely.

We talked, laughed and kissed a lot. He kept telling me he can see how much i like him by the look in my eyes . . . He says he wants to see me as much as possible – that i will have to chase him off, but he will keep coming right back.

He asked me on a serious note, why I was single – he said i am too pretty and smart and amazing to be single. I told him I “get skittish . . .” “Like a horse when it senses danger on the wind” . . . He seemed to understand that. He told me he hopes I will always feel comfortable with him and that if he makes me uncomfortable, i just need to tell him.

We have plans to see eachother several ties this week – I’m most looking forward to Monday – we are going to spend all day together – he is tking me on a day trip. He keeps asking me what I think of “us” . . . I keep telling him to relax – we have known eachother for 1 week . . . let it be -

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:00am
694: Laughing Goddess says:

And this fancy organic wool comforter is driving me crazy. I feel way too hot when I am under it and cold when I take it off.

Sorry to be so complain-y.

Just can’t get comfortable and sleep solidly and it’s making me feel CrAzy!!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:02am
695: Linda says:

April Rose… I will take you up on that offer !!

I took some more photos just need the words

My email is lindor59@hotmail.com. I would value another womans input.

Yeah!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:08am
696: Laughing Goddess says:

And I don’t understand how we can go to the grocery store so often yet I can’t find anything in the house right now to satisfy me.

And how can I be out of tea?
Blasphemy!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:10am
697: Laughing Goddess says:

Meltdown

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:11am
698: April Rose says:

Tam,
Oh yes, for sure. Do come for cake and coffee.
It would feel soooo good to bake a cake for you and sit and talk and laugh in person, and then go shopping and try on ridiculously gorgeous and expensive dresses and shoes together…..!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:17am
699: Laughing Goddess says:

Yay! The sun is starting to rise and I can go into town and get a hearty breakfast and some tea and then stock up at the grocery store and eveything is going to be okay.

And today I will make the bed with a different blanket that is more comfortable for me.

And everything is going to be just fine.

Hugs LG, sorry you had a rough night.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:21am
700: Belle says:

602

Started off responding to this post and then went stream-of-consciousness, lol.

Radlove, I feel a resonance with this post.
I love how provocative my experience of you is!
I was just thinking about the reflection I see last night, and looking back at all the men in my past realizing the same thing, that all of those men have inspired TREMENDOUS growth in me, and I love love love it, it’s what I crave, the growth, the expansion. I feel like a galaxy, full of stars and mysterious velvety darkness.

The other night when I wrapped my arms around myself and allowed myself to fully surrender to the bliss of feeling so much love for C, I could feel that I was allowing myself love for my own inner masculine. I allowed myself to be totally in love with and surrendered to my thoughts…which led me to thoughts of an ex from 2 decades ago, and I felt my deep love for him and his mother, felt and released the grief of losing them both which freed up my heart. Then I felt a deeper love, my heart feels softer and more open to my lover who visited this past weekend.

I’m feeling that when I trust myself and allow myself to love whatever I love, without judgment, no matter how weird or awful or painful it looks to others, it only leads to more love, more opening, more softening.

Which is leading back to more love for ME and feeling a stronger and stronger resolve to trust life and leave this job. I feel so done with the constant ambiguity and lack of leadership. My supervisor came in with a passive-aggressive attitude this morning over a mistake I made, which didn’t trigger me at all, I felt calm and very present and I could sense underneath his inability to act with authority and own his right to ask me to do my JOB, which leaves me floundering with nothing to do all day but surf the internet, read, write, draw, and play around with the guys I work with.

I’m feeling more comfortable and accepting of the fact that I want a web of non-monagamous, committed relationships, where we come together through vibrational affinity and generate a synergy together that creates…stuff I can’t even imagine right now but I can feeeel it in my soul.

I have some of that in my life already. My lover that visited this weekend has loved me through thick and thin for the last decade. When we parted ways, we both knew we needed to do other things and grow, and the door was never shut. There have been times when we haven’t spoken for months and then pick back up and feel a deeper appreciation for each other. Every woman he is in relationship with feels secure and knows exactly where she stands with him, and where we stand with each other. Happythankyoumoreplease.
I could go on but I’m doing this mostly for myself to remind me of what my heart’s deepest desires are.

It would feel good to find a place here on this blog where I can still practice FM’s and learn from others even though I’m not interested in being married or a committed, monagamous relationship.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:23am
701: Radlove says:

Olympia,

613 – Here are feeling messages from my notes from Rori’s teleclass a few days ago:

“I feel kind of weird. We’ve been dating for four week s and you’re still on Match and I noticed we’re still only going out on weekends. And I wonder if there are any strong feelings you have for me?

I noticed I’m not being chased and run down here. I don’t like that feeling. I like being chased and run down. Is there something I should know here? What do you want with me? Say it playfully. Not all hung up.

I feel tired of being the one to always make a first move.

Don’t let it go on too long if he is not chasing you.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:32am
702: Tam says:

697…ooooh yes, April Rose….ooooh yesssss!! CAKE and CLOTHES

maybe you would feel happier coming to my place and I’ll tell you why (but don’t get over-excited.. ). There are ducks at the back of the house, and a river, and herons and and and long grass and fishies and ermmm…oh yes, sheep also, and goats (but they smell a bit).
So you see, you don’t need a Mr Darcy with a country house and a pond…. I have it all here for you, ha!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:35am
703: Radlove says:

Belle,

698 – Thanks for sharing! You write beautifully! Rori encourages us to explore and experiment.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:39am
704: April Rose says:

Okay Linda,

I guess I could e-mail you. Or we can work on it here and get some really good input from other sirens. I’m no expert really. Anyway, here is a snippet of what I wrote in my profile, for starters and you can tell me if you like my style and if it could work for you.

My self-summary

I feel all soft and shimmery like a freshwater pearl …. and dreamy pondering my happy ever after….on fair weather days and stormy ones too I enjoy escaping from town and pedalling along country lanes ….I love the sensation of fresh air on my face…. it’s summer and I feel a sweet and passionate adventure in the air…..I feel great being in nature and wide-open spaces…… I love creating new and silly musical instruments in my imagination….you will be confident and happy about your self, I’m sure…..

What I’m doing with my life

I feel excited to be living my creative dream of writing and performing in my own shows – comic/music/improvisation with a magical touch.
I feel best when seeing the lighter side of life and feeling optimistic and fun about things…… yet at times I feel like a soft, squidgy deep-sea creature lost upon the Earth’s surface!

I’m really good at

Experiencing the mystery of inhabiting a feminine body. Also of being quiet and super-present in the moment. I’m good at being REALLY up for having a belly laugh with you

I’m still tweaking it from time to time. What d’ya think?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:40am
705: Tam says:

I feel intrigued when hearing that a woman doesn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship…hmmm..I wonder how that would feel?!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:43am
706: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

633 – “As far as I have understood Rori is talking about casual sex where you are not hoping for more. In your case, and again excuse me if I am wrong, you would be hoping for more.

What do you think?”

Well, mine is a weird situation where R has adamantly said we are just friends. So technically, there is no space for flirting or sex, if it is a platonic friendship. Yet he himself encourages flirting and sex talk at every turn!

So over and over on many levels, I wonder if he is just hiding behind “friendship only” until he decides if I am the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

Rori encourages us to date and flirt and have sex with no expectations. In a perfect world, that is what Circular Dating is about. I want there to be more, but I am doing my best to not pressure him and to set any expectations aside. I find it difficult to not have desires and dreams when I love him so deeply.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:43am
707: April Rose says:

Tam,

I feel like …..squealing!!!!!!
Wow, yes, yes, please. oooops I feel a lil overexcited now….WOOO…WEEEEEEEEEEE

I feel scared to ask you where you live. In case you are too far away…oooh…that would feel tooo sad

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:44am
708: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

632 – “I apologise if I’ve got this wrong but Dominique is saying that she doesn’t encouarge sexting outside of a relationship – although that she can see an exception for your relationship with R because of all your history etc. Is this correct?”

I guess.

You said, “Aa far as I can she is ‘not’ saying that sex messages are the same as feeling messages.”

I am not equating sex messages with feeling messages. I am saying that both are a means of flirting and being attractive to a man. I feel curious…what about that do you see as wrong? I wonder what your views of sex are?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:46am
709: Turquoise says:

I have a date tomorrow night, another one Saturday night and a girlfriend just asked to get together. Hmmm, feels good to be wanted!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:48am
710: Tam says:

706 – April Rose, Germany right now… probably a bit too far to meet for coffee and cake
But going to Florida soon..no ducks in my backyard….mmmmhh….how about manatees???
They are sooooo cute!
Oh yes, and Dolphins…MrP and I always see dolphins when we go boating. I never see them when boating with others..I used to think it’s a ‘sign from above’ and now I think he just knows the spots where they are…hahaha. I love dolphins – they are soooo lovely.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:51am
711: Rebecca says:

Radlove,

I hear where you are coming from but I ask you to question where he is coming from.

He says he just’s wants to be friends but encourages you to talk about intimate sexual needs that you may have.

He is encouraging you to divulge hugely personal information to him, which you seem to be doing freely, no holds barred.

I’m wondering how you really feel about all this.

What do you think?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:52am
712: Tam says:

Turquoise – you go girl!!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:52am
713: Radlove says:

Last night I stumbled on taking Rori’s visualization tools to the next level!! I was laying in bed naked, painting myself in love when R started texting! LOL! He asked what I was doing, so I told him, LOL! It became a very hot conversation very fast, and R kept encouraging it, too. I won’t detail it because it’s too personal. But it felt fun!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:53am
714: Tam says:

Radlove,ugh, I don’t know how I feel about this sentence….I am swerving about feeling horrified and at the same time excited…(talking about myself and my situation). Your sentence brings up a lot of emotions and it feels like I go backwards when looking at it….this one:

‘So over and over on many levels, I wonder if he is just hiding behind “friendship only” until he decides if I am the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with’

I spent the last 6 months getting it into my little heart than when a man says friendship he means and thinks friendship unless he tells otherwise….I could also say in my case he is ‘hiding behind friendship’ and there are sooooooo many signs, and he can’t keep his hands off me and initiates all contact and always picks me up and always wants to see me and he wants to sleep with me and and and and and

at the end of the day he said ‘ah, let’s just be friends, it’s easier’.

And there it is. That’s my bottom line.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:58am
715: Femininewoman says:

Thanks for the invite April Rose.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 6:59am
716: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

709 – I feel confused, as I have thru most of this relationship. Over and over, R says one thing and does another. I have given up on knowing where I stand with him. Over and over, he has brought the relationship to a decision point, and I feel very unsure how to relate to him. So I just go with the flow. I have discussed it til I”m blue in the face with friends, and I have thought about it. Here are my options as I see them:

1. Cut off the friendship, at least for a time, saying I can’t handle being just friends when I have feelings for you way above and beyond friendship. I did this in February, and I missed him horribly.

2. Enjoy a nominal friendship with him, limiting our level of conversation and our time. Circular Date a lot.

3. Relate to him as a long term CD, trying to keep expectations at bay. Go with the flow when he flirts, and work all of Rori’s tools to connect intimately with him. Circular Date a lot.

I am attempting to do #3, after trying both #1 and #2, not enjoying either one of them. Option #3 leaves me way vulnerable, and open to deep hurt. I have chosen to take that risk, at least for now.

My basis for that is I believe in my heart of hearts that R really IS interested in more than friendship. And we are getting along fantastically. And I believe he is my Soul Mate. And I am deeply in love with him. Maybe not words Rori would choose, but that is how I feel.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:01am
717: Tam says:

No. I am actually decided. I feel better not trying to read between the lines.

Phew. Yes. Oh yes. I believe in what I see and hear. Loud and clear.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:02am
718: Femininewoman says:

Tam – Rori also encourages us to stay away from men who lie to themselves. I have also started to apply the same thinking to women,

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:03am
719: Radlove says:

Tam,

712 – I hear you. It feels really complicated, and often devastating.

BTW, I decided I should ask Rori if it’s ok if I post her emails, so I am awaiting a response before I post them.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:03am
720: Rebecca says:

Radlove

I see it as wrong outside a relationship because it’s like you are turning a bloke on without him having to make any kind of commitment to you. It equates to a type of phone sex in my mind. He is getting all turned on and hot under the collar and what are you getting, oh yes, the thrill of turning him on.

I know that seems extremely exciting but I think, from
my reading of Rori and her tools this is classed as leaning forward. If I am getting this wrong please say.

Regarding my views on sex well they are probably the same as most peoples – I want and aim to have an exclusive loving and passionate relationship and feel that I am in a loving and strong bond with that person. That is what I am seeking to achieve.

I’m curious Radlove, why you asked me that question?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:04am
721: Tam says:

718 – thank you Radlove

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:05am
722: Turquoise says:

Yeah, mr. C wanted to keep things open to the possibility of more, why close that door, he just wasn’t ready now. The thing is though, with not CDing and spending do much time together, it felt like dating and being a couple… But at any time he could say, but that’s not what this is. Which is hard to keep in mind when everything feels happy… So then it all feels like pretending. So, pretty much a mess.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:05am
723: Tam says:

717 -oooh FW this is interesting. Men who lie to themselves…that does strike a chord.
Can you expand?
I never looked into that side of it…hmmmm!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:07am
724: Femininewoman says:

LG are you going to Whole Foods?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:08am
725: Femininewoman says:

Tam I will see if I can find the article and post it.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:09am
726: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise I feel happy that you have come full circle to face this and yourself.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:10am
727: Tam says:

Thank you FW

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:12am
728: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

718 – If the turning on isn’t going two way, I don’t engage.

I wondered if sex was a hard thing for you to deal with. That’s why I asked. I can see that you feel firmly about it being in a committed relationship. I feel that way too, overall. Rori doesn’t. She just talks about sexual exclusivity with whoever you choose to have sex.

This thing with R has crossed a lot of boundaries in a lot of ways. My questions to myself go like this, and I welcome anyone to respond…

IF my theory is correct that R really IS interested in more than friendship, what would be my best course of positioning to accommodate that?

If I got deep in another relationship and was less available, that would probably be my best scenario. I have been making repeated attempts toward that end with CDing for 3 years. So far, no other man floats my boat.

Right now I have a CD who I haven’t met yet, Diesel, and he looks like the strongest possibility for husband material. But I don’t know yet.

What I do know is that another man would have to be pretty awesome to outshine R. Otherwise, I wouldn’t marry him if I knew R was still single. Hoping Diesel at least meets me soon. We are emailing daily.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:30am
729: bloom-ing says:

i’m going to become a professional smile-r

the difference between amateur & professional is dollars, yes ? i’m going to set up a little smile jar bank for myself & give myself extra monies when i feel extra smile-y : ) thank you – more please !

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:33am
730: Tam says:

Radlove
‘What I do know is that another man would have to be pretty awesome to outshine R’

- do you think another man actually stands a chance?

I have often wondered that in my own situation, but now that I had a bf inbetween, I know another man stands a good chance. Especially one that is in front of me all the time, wants to commit and tells me so – even if he does not have all the other qualities that MrP does have.

I am wondering though, if you have closed yourself off to other men….physically also, not just mentally.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:38am
731: Tam says:

…and taking that thought further, if you are starting to be more open to other men…if that might change your vibe totally (and bring R closer as a side effect).

Like, telling yourself (positive affirmations) that there is more than 1 soulmate etc. etc.

Just wondering….and musing here.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:41am
732: Rebecca says:

Radlove

No, sex is not hard for me to deal with in or out of a relationship – but I do know where my boundaries are and that is the essence of Rori’s teachings in my opinion.

If you are happy having no commitment sex, which I sometimes am, then fine, if you want more – as in your case with R – then it’s not fine.

I feel curious as to why you don’t see the difference. But I am very tired of debating it with you because it all feels hopeless to me. I feel sad that you don’t want to listen, and frustrated that I am trying so hard to encourage you to see my point of view.

I can see it is just better to agree with you, so from now on I will, and I will wish you luck too but I won’t be responding anymore because I feel frustrated that I am not being heard.

Oh, well I am just going to try and focus on other things…

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:43am
733: Tam says:

I firmly believe that my soulmate will not only feel the same way as me, but he will also take concrete steps to ensure we will be together. That weeds out a lot of chaff from wheat…in fact, it takes the pressure off me completely to ‘figure things out’ or ‘move things along’. I feel free to go about my business until my soulmate stops at my door. A bit like a bee stops at a pretty flower.

I don’t want to believe that a soulmate needs to be talked into a relationship….then he wasn’t for me.
It’s pretty liberating.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:46am
734: bloom-ing says:

mm & also i was with some men last night & feeling very frumpy & rumpled & tired & pale-cheeked & pale-lipped & very very sleepy & i have 2 pimples on my face, but then i remembered reading something about “vulnerable” women “with a pimple on her chin” & suddenly i felt soooo love-able & attractive, like a huge magnet & just sat with that & got a lot of gentle attention & it felt like a good flip so i decided to keep it as a belief: “when i feel vulnerable, i am irresistible” lol i like it… : )

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:49am
735: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

730 – I feel bad you feel frustrated. FYI, up until your last couple of posts, I wasn’t feeling clear on where you were coming from and what was bothering you about my situation.

I guess I feel ok about it with him because I feel so bonded to him. I have wanted sex with him for over 3 years. And I know he won’t do it without commitment, so it’s all together in there for me. So talking about it in fine detail with him feels natural.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:49am
736: Rebecca says:

Radlove

I really feel unheard by you and I feel very sad. The words ‘Listening post’ spring to mind..

I am not going to chip in anymore as I feel my time is being wasted, maybe other sirens can help you.

I might be better off to try and skip your posts, sorry.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:57am
737: Rebecca says:

Now I feel frustrated as I’m supposed to be doing other things..

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:58am
738: Radlove says:

Tam,

731 – I feel kinda put down there, in a subtle way. I am not trying to talk him into it, other than my leaning forward neediness that I am steadily weeding out.

I like your analogy of the bee stopping at the flower.

The confusing part is that R tests everything. He wants to observe my true colors, to see what I will do if I really believe things are a certain way. I think his approach is to set me free and see if I come back to him. I think he’s been testing me so I feel weird.

It’s sorta like someone is videoing you and you know it but they are trying to convince you that the camera isn’t really on but you know it is, and you feel nervous and don’t know how to act because you are on camera.

Again, I feel really confused as to how to position my self with him and how to relate to him. I feel him pulling me ever closer while verbally pushing me away with his “just friends” talk.

When he first started dating me, he had me convinced that we were not dating, that he just saw me as an older buddy to hang out with. Unwisely, I wasn’t dressing up when he came over. I sometimes didn’t even shower (I was just coming out of a deep depression). I would sometimes overeat in front of him. I feel embarrassed thinking back.

He would initiate all these conversations about sex and romance, saying what are you looking for in a Soul Mate? Here’s what I”m looking for in a Soul Mate. It was like we were buddies comparing notes. He said he envisioned his Soul Mate as younger, much younger.

So I settled it in my mind that I was off his list for sure. Then it became very evident that he was attracted to me about 2 months into dating, the night he embraced me in bed and said with tremendous feeling, “It is such a miracle when two souls find each other in this huge world.”

Yet he still denied anything between us. So this has been an ongoing confusion of mine for 3.5 years. I don’t understand what is going on, so how can I expect anyone else to?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 7:59am
739: Tam says:

732…Radlove, sorry but that post was ‘all about me’, just telling myself /reconfirming to myself how I feel about MY soulmate…nothing to do with you or R.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:01am
740: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

734 – I guess what I’m not saying in 733 is I disagree. Sorry if you feel like you are wasting your time. I just feel differently.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:01am
741: Radlove says:

Tam,

737 – ok

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:01am
742: Tereana says:

Hm, I feel really excited to see this movie!

It would also make a great Craigslist ad –

“Available for rent: Happy Thank You More Please.”

Okay!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:03am
743: Radlove says:

blooming,

732 – That is beautiful! In Rori’s teleclass a few nights ago, she said do NOT use drinking as a way to take the edge off. She encouraged us to feel the fear, nervousness, etc, and just channel it to positive energy. Or to just be with our feelings and tell a man, “I feel nervous”; “I feel scared”; I feel embarrassed.

I realize you were not saying those exact things in your case but it just confirms what you were doing was perfect!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:05am
744: Tam says:

737 – I do believe men can be attracted to their female friends (buddies), and I have had this happen to me time and time again, but without feeling deep in their heart that the woman is the one for them.
A little bit like taking what is on offer rather than having nothing at all. Those are the guys that leave me open mouthed when they (despite having been eternal bachelors, not able to commit or with issues etc), just get married one day, have a baby and live happily ever after.
I have seen the strangest things.
In that vein, I really hope things will work out for you but it does seem like a struggle…don’t lose yourself in the struggle, eh?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:08am
745: Rebecca says:

Radlove

I don’t care whether you agree with me or not, it’s not being listened to that I am upset about.

Funny, how you keep twisting everything, makes me feel very sad and frustrated.

Please don’t respond to me again, I will skip your posts in future.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:09am
746: Radlove says:

Tam,

728-9 – I appreciate your input (Rebecca, I appreciate your input too, even tho I see it differently). I really am open to other men. I really have been spending a significant amount of time communicating with CDs. Few of them have stepped up to actually meet, and so far, those who have are not atttractive to me. I feel attracted to Diesel, and he is really busy and so far hasn’t had time to come meet me (he lives maybe 1.5 hours away). But yes, another man stands a chance.

What Iam trying to say is that I think my best position for getting R back is if I were in a committed relationship with another man. So it would be to my advantage to CD, stay busy, and ultimately get wrapped up in the life of another man. I have been trying to for some time, off and on.

I mean, I go thru phases where I stop CDing, then I come back at it with a vengeance. If I showed you the hundreds of emails to and from CDs in my emailbox, you would see that I really have been making a concerted effort to CD.

But I don’t want to marry for the sake of marrying. I did that in 2003, and I wish I had never married K. I feel relieved that I was able to get a divorce in 2006. It cost $500, but it could have been a lot more damaging.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:12am
747: Rebecca says:

Tam

Good luck!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:13am
748: MissStix says:

I feel mild annoyance, frustration, and like my heart dropped a little after reading questions of integrity on the blog.

I believe we are honest, and upstanding women with values, and standards. Maybe we stumble sometimes. We have differing opinions on boundaries. That’s ok. We all have the right to respectfully express our opinion. It feels like shaky ground to question moral integrity over a different view of love, relationships, even the world in general.

Urgh. A block is forming around what I want to express.

It’s frustrating when we want desperately to stop someone from doing what we see as the wrong thing. I think a lot of what i’ve learned in the past 2 years is simply letting go. I learned that my desire to stop someone from doing what I see as “the wrong thing” or hurtful to themself can actually be harmful to that person in and of itself. I have control over only myself. No one else.

It’s an important lesson. Especially for romantic relationships. To learn to let go, and not let someone else bring you down. To let go of the desire to cram someone into the mold we chose for ourselves. To learn to love and support someone elses mold even if it looks dangerous or harmful to us. We can let people know how we feel but we can not force change.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:16am
749: Rebecca says:

MissStix

Absolutely, that’s why I’ll skip the posts and not engage anymore.

It’s just getting a bit waring when someone asks you for advice but doesn’t seem to really want the advice, so I’m bowing out.

Each to their own..

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:20am
750: bloom-ing says:

oh & we played blackjack & i learned the rules for the casino that’s nearby up in the mountains which i absolutely LOVE to go to… & i feel so excited to actually play a “real game” next time we go – not just the penny-bet slot machines (i like them though) – & wear a baller outfit & be cool & wear makeup & laugh & win dollars … lol for some reason i love that funny image of myself like that…. (((gambling giggling girl))) lol

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:21am
751: Tam says:

745 – Radlove, yeah, I get it. It’s not easy finding love.
I know that too. 99.9% of guys I meet dating are just turning out either totally uninteresting or just friends or they turn into fwb (well, I don’t do that anymore). The rest 0.1% are quite nice, but it’s not going anywhere…and I had a 6 month relationship that, in the end wasn’t going anywhere either.

I am also quite tired of it. I would like to think that I have already found my soulmate, as yeah, there is the guy I get on with best, we have the same interests, feel comfy with each other etc. But I am just no longer willing to believe in what is not tangible. Deep down I do hold the belief that things will work out ok, but I also hold the belief right next to it, that things will work out ok without him too.

The strangest thing is that CDing has not helped too much with it but finding myself and my own strength and dealing with my own issues helped tremendously. And I could only do that when I focused away from the men and onto me. So I do see CDing as a double edged sword really, because it helped me to mask my issues for too long….I just thought ;hey, it can’t be me, there are lots of men that like me..yeeehaw’.
Well, but that is the icing on the cake only and not ‘the cake’. The cake is me.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:21am
752: Radlove says:

Tam,

742 – Thanks for sharing. I feel like I am finding myself in the struggle. When I compare myself to me 3.5 years ago, I have highly defined who I am inside. I was thinking about painting myself with love last night. I never would have been feeling confident to share something like that with a man in the past.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:22am
753: Tereana says:

Darn, the movie not on Netflix – well, it probably is, but I don’t get dvd’s anymore. I’ll find it another way!

Okay, I’ve had a pretty big “breakthrough” type thing that I wanted to share here.

Basically, I think I have figured out my Personal Formula for Disappointment (PFD). Or it could be formula for Distress. Or formula for Disaster. Any of those would work. But it really all comes down to Disappointment, because that is what I’m feeling so often.

And I’ve realized something else – I often feel disappointed even BEFORE I don’t get something that I want. I’ve discovered that when I ASK for something that I want, I ask as if I WON’T get it. I tend to give people a way out – “Hey, honey, I really want this thing, but if you don’t give it to me, that’s okay, I’ll be fine (making up ways in my head that I’ll have to comfort myself after). Teehee!” (I won’t be fine.)

But back to my PFD. My PFD, at least with guys, and maybe with other people, is basically to ask or make a suggestion for what I want, or what I want to do. I find that, whenever I do that, I am disappointed. Someone else might initially agree, or say that they want to do something with me, or give me what I want. But inevitably, in the end, they will back out of it, with lots of excuses and apologies, and, oh, Gee, they feel so bad, they just can’t do it for me.

And I am left – gaping – what? And I was all set up for this. I had an EXPECTATION.

I still haven’t figured out this expectation thing. YES, I want to expect THE BEST. But expecting a specific thing always backfires, it seems. And mostly I do it without thinking!

So…I don’t know the answer here. I suppose my PFD might have to do with the fact that I EXPECT people to let me down (even though, in my mind, I try to convince myself that they won’t.) In my heart, I feel…loss. Lost. Alone. I feel I am alone even before people leave me. I feel undeserving. I feel unworthy. I feel “not enough.” I believe I have to take care of myself – I am the only one who can give me what I want/need/desire. Everyone else will “mess it up.” People are there to make me feel bad.

Hm…these are my underlying beliefs. And they feel bad : ( These thoughts must be why it is so hard for me to ask for What I Want. I have no confidence. There is a big difference between when you ask, and you actually expect that you might get what you ask for (even if you don’t), and asking with a hidden agenda of NOT getting what you want. That’s like – in a weird way – control! “I’m going to ask you. You will disappoint me. Then I will feel bad. And I will tell you about it, so that you will feel bad, too.” Ew. Yick. I hate that. And I think that’s what I do sometimes! That feels awful : (

But I know that even if I do it, it’s not “me.” It’s a behavior I can change….

Okay, I need a PFS. A Personal Formula for Success!

#1 – don’t push it! If I want something, ask – but don’t push it. Just state it and let it be.

#2 – If I don’t want something, say so.

#3 – If someone else asks me to do something, and I agree, let them hold the reins. (Don’t try and take over, and don’t “check in” to see how things are going.)

Okay, I hope this works. I know these steps sound pretty simple, but I also know they will be a big challenge for me! I’ve been doing it so differently all along. And it obviously isn’t working for me! lol

Here’s a bonus #4 -> When asking for what I want, BELIEVE that I can have it.

That’s the hardest one of all. And with practice, I believe I can do it!

xxoxo

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:22am
754: Tam says:

ooh Miss Stix, I looooooove that:

‘It’s an important lesson. Especially for romantic relationships. To learn to let go, and not let someone else bring you down. To let go of the desire to cram someone into the mold we chose for ourselves. To learn to love and support someone elses mold even if it looks dangerous or harmful to us. We can let people know how we feel but we can not force change’

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:24am
755: Tam says:

751, Radlove, I think we are all growing here….

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:26am
756: Radlove says:

Tam,’

749 – Wow, that felt powerful! I love what you wrote!

My takeaway from that is to stop CDing outside my existing CDs (for now at least), and to thrust that energy and my wanting-R energy into developing my P.O.P., which I already have in process.

Maybe my positioning adjustment that I am seeking is to CD myself more than I have been. Like pretend I am my own personal assistant, my own business coach, my own job hunting coach, my own therapist. Yeah!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:29am
757: Tereana says:

P.S. Oh yeah – the other big part of the PFS (Personal Formula for Success!) is leaning back and NOT expecting anything in particular. It’s that “being surprised,” curiosity aspect. When I “forget” about what someone else is doing, or even “forget” about what I want (well, not forget, exactly. Hold it in awareness, but mostly focus on what I’m doing) – that’s when my desires tend to be fulfilled.

Of course, part of this is that it is difficult for me to deal with my desires head-on – even, and maybe especially when asked about them – but that’s okay. I can learn….It is all about the confidence. And believing that I CAN have What I Want.

Positive stuff!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:29am
758: Radlove says:

Tam,

753 – Yeah. It is like eating emotionally for me to come here. I feel nurtured.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:30am
759: MissStix says:

((((rebecca))))

You are heard! I see you and hear you and I feel proud that you stand up for what you believe is the right way. I even agree with you. I believe the delivery of your true and loving message got lost in frustration.

The message is:

The men we draw to us, how they treat us and their level effort to win us WILL directly relate to the tools of attraction we choose to use.

If we use sex as a tool of attraction we will draw interest in us sexually. At whatever level we or they allow.

If we use feelings, confidence, boundaries, standards, self awareness and self love as a tool of attraction….Well. You see where this is leading.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:31am
760: maruluna says:

559- bloom-ing
Just read this post. I love it. It is very inspiring. I hope things continue on a path of bliss for the two of you.
Maru (Maria)

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:33am
761: Radlove says:

Tereana,

751 – Excellent!

I think Sirens are brilliant women!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:34am
762: Femininewoman says:

(((((((Rebecca)))))))))

((((((((MissStix))))))))

RE 757 Well said.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:35am
763: Tam says:

Radlove, yes, exactly..take the energy and lavish it on you….and on CDing too….well, that’s what I am trying to do next.
I have been reading psychology books, tried to find self-help stuff to deal with my issues of fear of intimacy and childhood traumas etc etc.
When I came back here I cried every day and thought it was because of my MrP love triangle that I had left behind.
I realised I was crying for myself and what I had become….well, I can report that now I am no longer crying at all. I feel strong and happy most days and I am even tackling a very strong dentist fear…it just keeps on getting better. I am really taking care of myself now and so happy about that.
Men?
They are nice and sure I want one, but it’s me first.
And he will come

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:36am
764: MissStix says:

The sex is best as something he craves from us because his desire for us as an entire person is overwhelming. I very strongly believe this is what keeps a man drawn to you. And it is a continuous journey! It NEVER ends. We mist always be searching ourselves for happiness and contentment otherwise things can turn on a dime.

The real beauty is it’s such a solid foundation. Because lets say for whatever reason his opinion turns when we are practicing this way of living…It is OK because we WILL be ok when we think and live and feel like this wholly and completely.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:37am
765: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

757 – Ok, I appreciate you translating her meaning. Now I see why I missed it. Because one of the number one things I appreciate about R is that he did NOT base our friendship on sex…not by a long shot! He remains the only man I ever dated beyond one date who did not attempt to grope me.

I have a 3.5 year history with him where we logged thousands of hours just talking and having very little sexual contact. That base is well established, and my deep respect for him is WHY sex talk is so fun now. Other men, outside of K, don’t get to go there with me at all.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:38am
766: Rebecca says:

MissStix

Thank you!

Beautifully put.

And I do get that I am feeling frustrated that my message is being twisted and bent into something it isn’t.

Thank you for hearing me!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:39am
767: Rebecca says:

Gosh, where are all the other sirens hiding?

It would be so nice to hear about your day and what you have all been up too?

Where is everyone…

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:44am
768: MissStix says:

((((radlove))))

If you are comfortable and happy with the way things are going that is really all that matters. I see you working on many facets of youself as a whole person and it is wonderful to see.

I know you love R very, very deeply. I am supportive of your efforts in learning and growing and feeling and being and all that amazing stuff. I believe a good man WILL materialize in your life and make you his wife. If that is R, wonderful!!! But if it is not R…Just please stay eyes open and zoomed out!!! Because there may be someone waiting in the wings to play out a gorgeous experience!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:50am
769: Radlove says:

April Rose,

702 – Beautiful profile!!! That is cool you are writing and performing in your own dramas! Tyler Perry did that and now he’s rich. He had to make a lot of sacrifices along the way tho.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:51am
770: Radlove says:

“Who would you be in people’s presence without the story that anyone should care about you, ever? You would be love itself. When you believe this myth that people should care, you lose caring about people and about yourself. Love can’t come from “out there”; it can only come from inside you. The way that I know that is because it does.”

~ Byron Katie

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:53am
771: MissStix says:

I feel very curious to know if femininewoman decided to contact amazing profile man!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 8:57am
772: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

765 – Thank you!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:02am
773: Femininewoman says:

MissStix he does not live in my State.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:09am
774: MissStix says:

ah

Darn

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:10am
775: April Rose says:

Rebecca,

I have been in bed most of the day, with a swollen achey, menstrual womb. I’ve been in woman-cave!

I was meant to run away today.
Instead, I’ve been chatting with a new yummy man on OKCupid. He said he is looking for his fairytale!!! Felt so sweet to hear a man say that.

How about you? What’s happening in your day?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:12am
776: Laughing Goddess says:

FW: No, we have a local natural food coop that I go to.

Why do you ask?

I was actually able to fall back asleep and I feel so much better now!!!

Thank goodness!

And I just realized we had some homemade chicken soup in the crockpot that I could have eaten the whole time.

Oh well. All’s well that ends well.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:16am
777: Femininewoman says:

It was just a thought LG. I went to one near to my home on Monday and I really enjoyed shopping there.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:21am
778: ruth says:

Evening Sirens!
I feel calm and energised tonight
it was a nice clinic and i had time with my patients for a change.

Some powerful thought provoking stuff on here right now
751 Tereana-wow ! Such self realisation and clarity of thought.I wish you all the best
Miss Stix, thank you.I have felt uncomfortable with the statememts about “integrity” here as well but have fetl too scared to say anything

All views are valid, and we are all different

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:22am
779: April Rose says:

I just had a new message on OKCupid from a man who wrote one line
“You are fascinating but way too deep for me”

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:23am
780: Smile says:

Blooming 717

We should go into smile business together 

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:25am
781: MissStix says:

April rose

I guess he’s looking for someone more shallow? hehe what a confuzzling one liner!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:27am
782: Laughing Goddess says:

FW: Oh ya, I do like shopping at Whole Foods but I live in a somewhat small town. Whole Foods is in the closest metropolis which is an hour away.

Our local coop has a very similar feel though and I do like it very much.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:29am
783: Radlove says:

“Believe in yourself and you will fly high…
It doesn’t matter what people say…
It doesn’t matter how long it takes…
It only matters how true you are…
Be true to yourself and follow your heart…”

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:29am
784: Femininewoman says:

I wonder how Miss Bells move and car repairs is going?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:32am
785: Tam says:

773 – April-R: woman cave. I like that.
I love being in my woman cave.
Oooh the woman cave. Loving being in there suddenly made me realise that a man being in a man cave is a man taking care of himself!!
Oh, that feels good.
Man in cave is good. Woman in cave is good.
Both in cave together is….even better
Feeling silly

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:34am
786: MissStix says:

Woot! Got my camera ready, and I just need wardrobe and make-up! I’m about to shoot my very own boudoir photos I’m excited. I can’t wait to see how they turn out!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:35am
787: ruth says:

Confession time here
When I first got Roris book and two programmes it was with the specific intention of re-attracting a particular man.

But actually, its not about the man at all
However things work out, *I * am going to feel better about myself.
That feels exciting.I feel-um, I dunno.Full up.Choked.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:42am
788: Radlove says:

Tam,

784 – I really like that!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:42am
789: ruth says:

Miss Stix do you have a camera with a self timer then?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:43am
790: April Rose says:

Being in my woman cave is like being in a big dark velvety energetic womb in which I snuggle up and give myself hugs

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:46am
791: Smile says:

My next chapter has begun! It feels exciting! It was exhausting ripping out the fitted bedroom furniture in preparation for me returning to my family home. Home is where my heart is right now.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:46am
792: Smile says:

My fear of dating websites… I will meet someone I know…

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:47am
793: ruth says:

791
Smile, yes hm.That would not feel so good

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:48am
794: Smile says:

So many feelings arose when I shaved my legs!

I always felt pressure on myself to keep them smooth when I was with a man. The pressure came from only me, wanting to keep hold if my man. Now I feel relief from the pressure. This is not the way to keep a man. Now I shave my legs for me. I like to feel the smoothness against my silky pjs. I like to cover them in cream. It makes me feel feminine.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:51am
795: bloom-ing says:

oh for some reason i just tapped into a vein of sorrow…. just allowing it…. “we were merely freshman” & another story of driving alone, crossing state line after state line…. gosh. & i feel grateful & i feel happy & i feel …. like i’m “in line” somehow…. hm oh i feel “spared” from a great tragedy as well & i pray for release from all its spindly webs. thank you

i even notice i’m feeling afraid to post this. to commit any energy to it. i feel superstitious & dark…. but it’s ok, it’s ok…

wow & actually just scared myself again, seeing an update on a story i haven’t heard about in 2.5 years. a shocking scare. wow. what can i do with that ?

well, i can heal it in myself. can i ? can i really ? it feels horrible. yes, that’s a scary story.

humans ? are humans bad ?? no i don’t think so. there must be something very sad & scary that happened before that. oh…. i see. thank you.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:53am
796: Femininewoman says:

April Rose and Smile I just love reading your graphic descriptive writing.

Smile I see you being carried gently in the arms of the Universe like floating on cottony clouds. It will all be okay.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:53am
797: Smile says:

I don’t know how else to meet a man right now though. Although I’ve never been on a dating website and I’ve always been in a relationship. I seemed to have done okay so far. I feel nieve to think he will just show up one day.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:54am
798: Laughing Goddess says:

Oh my gosh, does anyone else ever feel like they are losing it?

Couldn’t sllep last night and now I am hearing this chirping sound in my house, like when a smoke alarm’s battery is getting low.

Every 30 sec’s ***CHIRP***

And I can’t figure out where it is coming from.

I just don’t feel quite right today and I feel unsure of how to snap out of it.

Maybe a walk would help? Probably just moving forward in any way would help.

Everything just feels particularly challenging at the moment and that chirping sound is not helping.

Sad face

How do I snap out of this?

Omg CHIRP!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 9:59am
799: ruth says:

LG

a walk sounds like a good idea

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:02am
800: April Rose says:

Laughing Goddess,

I TOTALLY feel like I am losing it.
I cannot remember anything.
I feel like some minutes go by and I look the clock. It tells me hours have passed.

I still have to run away.

I told a lady I felt misty inside, and swirly like the rainclouds.
She told me there is a Full Moon coming on Friday, and it is a Blue Moon (second full moon in one month)
“Aha” I said, knowingly…(tho’ not really knowing much on account of losing the plot.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:05am
801: April Rose says:

I think I am planning now to take a walk in the dark this evening. I will wrap a cuddly scarf around me and shove my hands deep into the pockets of my raincoat.
There is a small village I can walk to, where open fields spread out behind the churchyard, and where I can smell the scent of raindrops on cut hay.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:11am
802: bloom-ing says:

april rose !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you so much for the reminder about the blue moon – i have been waiting for it FOREVER. omg i forgot though. thank you.

& laughing goddess, i actually used to get scared of that feeling (because i stay up all night quite a bit) & i get visual & auditory hallucinations, but now i just enjoy them as “part of the dream”… if you know what i’m saying lol : )

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:17am
803: Laughing Goddess says:

Thanks Ruth and AR

Interesting about the blue moon. I definitely feel sensitive to things like that.

I just figured out that the chirp is coming from the Carbon Monoxide detector. It plugs directly into the wall so it’s not low battery. And it’s been warm enough here to have the windows open so there is plenty of fresh air.

Interesting.

Yes, yes, a walk would feel good.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:21am
804: Laughing Goddess says:

Thanks blooming!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:23am
805: bloom-ing says:

i’m feeling super excited to do some organizing today…. make up my calendars which i haven’t done in months ! ……… & which is one of my favorite things. & also organize my to-do bag with a deadline sheet : ))) hooray ! i feel playful & encouraging toward myself : )

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:43am
806: Tam says:

April Rose, sounds lovely, the walk. Wonder where you are..

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:45am
807: April Rose says:

East of England, UK, very near the countryside

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:51am
808: Femininewoman says:

Tam that article I mentioned might be an eNewsLetter. I will check that later.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:53am
809: Radlove says:

I cut the pad of my thumb Monday night when I was cutting a lime, pretty deeply. I let it be in a tight bandage until now. I just disinfected it then covered it with super glue. A friend told me it really works. I used it once for a cockatoo bite and it healed in three days. This one is deeper, so it’s more of an experiment.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:54am
810: Radlove says:

(((LG)))

I get in weird moods, too. I wonder if it’s a cricket?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:55am
811: ruth says:

we used to use Superglue in casualty for kids head wounds

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 10:59am
812: Belle says:

Okay this feels weird…
was writing out an FM about something that happened before lunch:

“It feels bad to feel hidden, it feels bad to feel like you are ashamed of me. I felt ashamed when that happened.”

I started to write, “I don’t want to feel ashamed,” and stopped cold.
It wasn’t true.
I like the feeling of “shame”…the true, real feeling of it, the warmth of it flushes my head and my cheeks and rises up my neck and makes it buzz and part of my neck that has been in pain stopped hurting because the “shame” feeling moved all up my neck muscles and got them buzzing.

It’s wild, like really for real true that this situation is actually my body healing itself.

I can feel it kind of in a knot on the right side of my occipus so I’ll play with it and Emotrance it a bit but it doesn’t feel bad, it actually feels good…
I feel amazed!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 11:02am
813: Tam says:

Aaah April Rose and now I imagine afternoon teas with cucumber sandwiches and cakes and little tartlets….perfect golden tea….nice country walks…a stiff breeze…and a pub!
I miss the UK…..17 years. Sniff. If the weather was better I’d never have left. If my US plans fail I’ll be back!!! Oooooh, love it!!

FW thank you for searching for the article, that’s much appreciated

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 11:09am
814: Belle says:

Oh
got it
he’s not ashamed of me
he’s ashamed of HIM or his behavior or his feelings for me but not ME
which illuminates
the feeling of being awash in shame in the womb
I get it
My mother wasn’t ashamed of ME
she was ashamed of herself, of the position trying to get her needs met put her in

I love you, mommy I forgive you I forgive you
I’m sorry
thank you for giving me life
i love it
i’m grateful
it’s magical
i’m so awesome you’d be so proud of me if you knew me
thank you thank you
please forgive me
i love you
I’m bawling at my desk
again

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 11:20am
815: maruluna says:

Tam, I’m stealing your cave reference. (784)
hope you don’t mind
maru

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 11:53am
816: Tam says:

Hello Maru!! Not at all, I am flattered.
Are you new here?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 11:54am
817: MissStix says:

Ruth

Yes I have a decent camera to work with! Self timer.

My gawd is it ever annoying to do a self shoot :s

I went wayyyy down a rabbit hole and shot many close ups of my face. Some turned out rather good

I’d rather take photos of others.

Or trees. I like shooting trees! And waterfalls mmmmm soft blurr.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:04pm
818: ruth says:

I *love* my little canon Ixus camera

it has a self timer too
But i loooooooove taking photos of the lovely places where i run, and of the food i cook and of my running friends.
Digi photography is GREAT

I am old enough to recall film amd sending stuff away to be processed

now, i can take as many photies as i like and just keep the good ones!

Miss Stix, will you put these photos on that Siren island site on face book?

I am feeling curious about that site anyway
Would love to see what you all look like really

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:10pm
819: Daria says:

(((((Belle))))) thank you got sharing your healing beauty

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:13pm
820: MissStix says:

ahh

Right now I feel very soft and within my focus zone. Way deep inside my body. If I did this for a living I would feel deep and soft and earthy every day.

Document beauty in words. Capture beauty in pictures. mmmm a deep and full life saturated in beauty and feeling. Yes yes yes. I want to grasp this feeling in my hands and rub it all over my skin and dance under the blue moon in forrest clearing. I want my long hair back. Random. I feel so in tune right now…Soft little ripples from the inside out. Expression. It brings me lazy…no not lazy…relaxed? no. I can’t find the word in my brain. Soft muscles. Cottony puffy feelings outside in. Slow ripply feelings inside out. Stretch out on the bed like a cat mmmmm haaaaaa. Deep deep breaths and connections to everything I am in my soul. Move to the rhythm of the beat of my existance. Mind blown by body and soul. They know more than it ever will.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:17pm
821: ruth says:

I feel frivolous and skippy and silly

that feels *so* nice!

i havent felt playful like this in ages and I love it

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:21pm
822: MissStix says:

Ruth

As soon as I have access to my computer I will upload some pics!

I use my dad’s nikon D 80 until I can afford a professional camera. I love it! I love playing with different settings and learning how to create exposures that have feeling and texture. My dad also has an old school pentax I want in my sticky little hands Would love to work with film.

I think I will take the film courses at Emily Carr. That would feel amazing to learn!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:22pm
823: Tam says:

Can someone invite Ruth to Siren island??

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:22pm
824: ruth says:

I know nothing about taking pictures

i am a “point and shoot” kind of girl

But I see so many lovely places
when i run
I have *thousands* of pics on my flickr site which you can all see, of course

Boudoir photos feel intriguing
I *love* black and white photos

My camera does this

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:31pm
825: Femininewoman says:

Hi Maruluna

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:32pm
826: MissStix says:

822

I second that motion.

I want to go back to a simpler time and run and giggle and play in a world without artificial light and concrete and the the constant whoosh of the freeway as background noise.

I want to really feel the earth and the moon and the stars. I want to soak up a time where deep dark magic really did exist. Shhhhh whispers and shadows and dancing firelight. Earthen floors and candle wax drip drip dripping into the dull brass well. Dip the quill into the ink and scratch it out in calligraphic letters. Hunched over a journal within the warm orange glow. Woah I feel so in touch with something so far away yet here it is. Just right next to me.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:34pm
827: ruth says:

I am feeling happy and it making me feel weird and tearful because i am not used to it

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:37pm
828: bloom-ing says:

((((((((((((ruth))))))))))) i feel happy too : ) i feel tender in it as well…..

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:40pm
829: April Rose says:

Ruth
((((((your happiness))))))

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:41pm
830: MissStix says:

Ruth

good feelings often make me feel tearful. They are so overwhelming sometimes.

(((ruths tearful happiness)))

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:42pm
831: April Rose says:

Bloom-ing and Miss Stix,(and Ruth)

Let’s make a Blue Moon wish!!!

We all gave Ruth a hug at the same time!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:47pm
832: maruluna says:

Hi ladies
yes I am new here. I hope to provide inspiration and empowerment on this little venue as you all seem to do for each other. I do seek advice, guidance and just general “wth do I do?” understanding.
maru

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:47pm
833: Tam says:

Ruth!!! Enjoy the happiness (but I get it….and I often do cry when I am very happy because I want to pinch myself: is this real?)

I’d like to make a blue moon wish too…..awww how magical and Sireny

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:51pm
834: ruth says:

Um
Not used to it
Dont feel I deserve it
FFS

I feel so stupid about that
First day back at work and everyone so pleased to se me
Nice clinic with enough time to help my patients and they all appreciated that
lovely conversation with friend tonight

And i am sitting here snivelling

FFS, whats wrong with me?

Right well, it may be time for a run

Thank you ladies
xx

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:52pm
835: Tam says:

Nothing wrong with you Ruth!! Everything very right I’d say!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:53pm
836: ruth says:

Hi maru

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:54pm
837: Calypso says:

Was out touring my other facility which is near JC’s house – he has been texting me all day, so i asked him if he wanted to trade a couple of quick kisses for a bottle of water . . .

I stopped by his place for about 10 minutes – we kissed on the couch and he said, “It’s too bad I don’t turn you on . . . ” lol – teasing me because we obviously have great chemistry already.

He mentioned again that he hopes I tell the rest of the guys on POF to go fish elsewhere . . . he told me today he plans to shut down his profile to see where things go with us. he asked, “What do you think?”

I told him it was too soon for him to be doing that . . . that he might miss out on some better fish . . . he said he likes the one in his arms.

Well – he can shuit down his site, but I’m going to stay on mine and at least keep talking to other guys. I know better than to act exclusive with a guy after 1 week of dating. I’m trying to keep my heart open to the possibilities, but just the simple factr that I know I would run back to GM the minute the opportunity presents itself tells me that I am not ready to date just this one guy. It’s hard to tell them that . . . when they act so willing to give up everything for you – he seems to want to spend every waking moment with me – that will get old real fast if he isn’t careful, but it is all new and fun right now – not sure how to get him to pace himself when I do enjoy his company too.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:55pm
838: MissStix says:

OooOooO

Blue moon wishes!

I feel like a little girl giggling at under the covers at a sleep over!

Lets sneak out under the inky sky and wish on the big blue moon for love and for all our dreams to come true!!

Oh I wish I had a big smiley emoticon with stars in it’s eyes to express how I feel!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 12:56pm
839: MissStix says:

Ruth is a wonderful and caring doctor who makes a difference in peoples lives.

She deserves happiness!

My wish is for ruth to find a space inside her soul for her own happiness!

Secretly I know she will.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:00pm
840: Tam says:

838 Miss Stix, I’ll second that. Beautifully said.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:02pm
841: ruth says:

I am crying again now reading those posts

Gah, this feels so stupid

thank you girls

Calypso-right on

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:05pm
842: Calypso says:

JC just texted to tell me that it made his day for me to stop by his place. He is meeting me this evening toward the end of my girl’s night to take me to dinner (We just have drinks at girls night for about an hour), so he will meet a couple of my girlfriends for the first time tonight. I wonder what thay will think? They have seen a lot of guys come and go rather quickly – since I usually bolt at the first sign of committment . . . lol, so I’m sure they won’t get too attached tot his one right away. Still – their initial impression will be interesting – he is different from anyone I’ve dated before and does not LOOK like my “type” . . . maybe that is a good thing . . . since my “type” seems to be hell bent on ripping my heart out ~

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:11pm
843: Rebecca says:

April Rose

Yay I am looking at the full moon now!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:13pm
844: bloom-ing says:

mmmmmm a blue moon wish ?????????

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:15pm
845: ruth says:

tell me about blue moon wish

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:19pm
846: MissStix says:

Ruth

Get deep down into those emotions! Really sink in. What do they feel like? The happiness, the stupid. What do they feel like physically? You could try writing it out. You don’t have to post it.

Try it like this….

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and turn into your body. Focus on the physical sensations. Electricity, bubbles, waves, sharp, soft, achy. What do you feel in your arms? Lefs, belly, chest, head, fingers, toes, eyeballs! Whatever you feel wherever you feel it! Write out oooos and mmmmms and ahhhhs. Wooshes and pows and thump thump thumps! All of it.

And then love it.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:21pm
847: turquoise says:

Mr. Conversation asked to be friends and then if we both decide something has changed go from there, so neither of us feels any pressure.

I replied yep. I have two dates this week. Letting this go.

He said, cool. you set those up fast. Letting what go?

Letting go of the leaving the door open factor. If something changes, we could reopen it, but doesn’t work well for me. Too hopeful maybe? Which is your pressure and expectation feeling. And we have this awful conversation over and over where we both explain that we don’t understand each other.

Him:
But we’re good together in a lot of ways we shouldn’t just throw away.

All I said was right.

I feel like he wants all the goods of having a girlfriend, but really isn’t ready for one. He feels love starved to me. I feel sad for him.

BUT, I was getting sooooo wrapped up in him beause he makes me feel good, that it was messing everything up and I didn’t feel happy.

SO, meeting tux guy tomorrow night and softball guy for dinner Saturday night.

I don’t want Mr. Conversation to disappear from my life. He’s been a wonderful friend and support to me. He’s helping me with my business, he is a constant daily person in my life and I’ve missed having that. But whoever said I was part of his healing, is right. He doesn’t want to lose me either. I just have to be able to take the best of that, keep things in perspective, stop all the romantic part, and focus on myself. He can’t have all my time.

My main goal right now is to make enough money to pay back C for the loan he gave me for my credit card. Mr. Conversation can help me with that.

Looking forward to my dates though too!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:24pm
848: ruth says:

I will try Miss stix

it just

too much
big lump in the middle
ache in heart
Blocked choked
cant move

Not playful now

Confused

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:26pm
849: Daria says:

i feel so sad and powerless

i left behind a cute top that felt so comy and lovely

i feel so triggered when this happens

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:28pm
850: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise I would look to see if I have a pattern. Maybe serial monogamy? Getting attached to guys who help?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:32pm
851: ruth says:

Nore stupid stuff

there is this sill game in facebok where we juast had to say how we met in on e word, and pass it on, tyou know the kind of thing

well, i just did it and my wall is awash with posts

nice ones

But i feel overwhelmed
Like a massive big tidal wave i cant cope with

But its all NICE stuff’people recall NICE things about meeting me
Oh FFS, I need a slapp round the head

Fcked up or what! Silly cow

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:33pm
852: Dancing Siren says:

Hello Sirens,

I am totally downsizing my life and selling my stuff to pay off my debts.

This is going to take some time.

I have cut down on my work too, on purpose, because I was working like a rat on a treadmill but my debts were still unmanageable.

So now I have decided to downsize everything and simplify.

And now it is just my mindset that I need to address.

I still feel very tense and overwhelmed.

I still feel panicky and struggly, instead of wealthy and relaxed.

I think a big part of this is because my business goes quite over summer, and classes have been shut completely for the last month.

As from next week I am earning again, and I am behind on some bills.

I intend to gently turn this situation around.

Although a lot of it is out of my control.

So I will have to do what I can and let go of the rest.

I feel very tense through my shoulders and whole body.

I feel like doing something and ‘leaning forward’ in my life. To relieve this anxiety!

Feels like just having jumped off a cliff!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:33pm
853: turquoise says:

C was AWFUL to me today. Sending hateful, hurtful emails. I responded once, sticking up for myself, only felt like clarifying one point, and when he replied with an even more hateful one, all I replied back was ok. I’m not going to participate in his rages any more. If he can calm the crap down and have a normal conversation, then yes… I will participate. But I’m not letting him trigger my ugly side. I’m done with that.

Love to all the sirens here. Thank goodness I found all of you! Thank you for being so supportive!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:38pm
854: Daria says:

Welcome Maru

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:42pm
855: MissStix says:

I feel quizzical right now. I remember the conversation G and I had last night about kids.

I separated his kids from my kids. Why did I do that?

He said “I will have the coolest kids on the planet!”

I said “Psht. Not as cool as my kids.” Teasing.

There was a poignant silence.

He said “I’ll let them express themselves however they want. If a little dude wants to wear a super hero cape to school. More power to him.”

I said “he11s yeah! Express yoself little dude!”

He said “Yah my luck i’ll get all girls and i’ll end up sipping tea with a tiara on my head!”

I said “oh I know you would!!! and you’d love it!!” Poked his belly. He tickled me.

He’s been very physically expressive since we went away. Sometimes I wish I could open his head up and just read his brain :p

Why is he bringing up kids now? Why did he pause and look at me funny when I talked of my kids as separate beings from his kids? Does he assume his kids will be my kids? Or does he just expect me to think of my babies as his? I felt funny about it. I did not want to say “our kids”. I haven’t explored why yet. I don’t think I want to right now.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:43pm
856: Radlove says:

Ruth,

810 – Cool, thanks for sharing! Now I feel better about using super glue!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:43pm
857: Radlove says:

(((Belle)))

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:45pm
858: Daria says:

:: Two Kinds of Responsibility ::

The word “responsibility” can be confusing
because its meaning changes depending on the
“active worldview” of the person using it.

The old worldview is one of scarcity and
competition, where one seeks empowerment
through controlling people and conditions,
and by being “right.” In that worldview,
responsibility means obligation, duty,
and/or blame.

The new worldview is one of abundance and
creativity, where empowerment comes from within
and is expressed through partnership. In that
worldview, responsibility is the *ability to
respond* creatively, and it’s an acknowledgment
that each individual creates his or her own
experience of life.

Today, pay close attention to how you feel
when you’re trying to be a “responsible”
parent. If taking responsibility makes you
feel heavy, burdened, guilty, ashamed, or
resentful, then it’s time to upgrade your
worldview!

http://dailygroove.net/responsibility

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:46pm
859: turquoise says:

FW, this might sound crass…. but I really like sex. I miss having sex on a regular basis. So yes, serial monogomy sounds about right.

I guess feeling cared about and helped feels like love and kindness to me, so yes… I really do fall for guys who treat me that way, BUT, there is a kicker. Chemistry has to be there too. Nice guys who are wonderful to me… that I feel no chemistry with, I can’t do it. I can’t, or haven’t been able to yet, make it work.

Truthfully, most of my relationships the last few years haven’t lasted more than a month or two. So, not really enough experience to say if I have a definite pattern.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:51pm
860: bloom-ing says:

my blue moon wish………….. imagining myself in a long white dress with a flower crown, the smell of my grandmother’s perfumes all mixed. lipstick & fairy wine. dark eyes. mmmmm i’m gonna practice tonight…. practice drawing the dramatic cat eye i’ve been imagining….. feels dark, like cloaked figures rising up the hills to join together….. so dramatic, to hide my face with a heavy hood…. dark eyes cast magic so powerful…….. i feel an urge to make sound… maybe we will go away to sing… hidden songbirds of the night……

“while twilight is fading, i pensively roam….”

Follow the Gleam:
To the knights in the days of old
keeping watch o’er the mountain’s height,
came a vision of Holy Grail
and a voice in the waiting night:
Follow, follow, follow the gleam –
banners unfurled, for all the world –
follow, follow, follow the gleam
of the chalice that is the Grail.

And we who would serve the King
& loyally him obey,
in the consecrate silence know
that the challenge still holds today:
Follow, follow, follow the gleam –
standards of worth, for all the earth –
follow, follow, follow the gleam
of the Light that shall bring the dawn.

mmmm

Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose,
shall I ever see thee wed?

I shall marry at thy will, Sir,
at thy will…..

Ah, poor bird,
take thy flight
high above the sorrows
of this dark night.

mmmmmmmmm

the company of Ladies, chaperoned by the Moon

the “13 charms of a Lady:”
love
joy & enthusiasm
patience
humility
responsibility
poise
sharing
adjustability
creativity
sincerity
growth
courage
loyalty

i’m sharing a secret : ) summer nights….. ah this is so tender & quiet…..

in the morning, we all go a-meadow-ing to weave fresh flowers into our hair. we picnic in the blowing grasses & the men are off, no shirts, working & hollering in the valley below

then the women come in the night, in black. cross our foreheads with ash. up in the dark hills, we all go silently – whispers dancing like forest sprites – my lips are so still… my eyes wide open, & the air the good mountain cool of deep summer…. singing low & quiet…. close my eyes & feel the rumbling magic come, paint the black with static lightening…. heart thumping….. we eat chocolate & cider like fairies & wake the next morning, all wonderment & aglow, like queens

& all shall be well & all shall be well & all manner of things shall be well

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 1:57pm
861: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise that is the pattern, maybe bonding through sex. I would kick chemistry out the door and see what happens. Maybe sex soothes icky feelings for you. Brava to you standing up to C.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:04pm
862: Smile says:

FW

Im just settling down for the eve. I felt moved reading your post.

‘Smile I see you being carried gently in the arms of the Universe like floating on cottony clouds. It will all be okay.’

I will carry this thought with me as I fall asleep.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:04pm
863: bloom-ing says:

ahh i feel a desperation & a grasping, like i want my secrets back inside of me…. & i do want to sing in concert with a million women, dark & hooded in the hills, gathering energy to call down love, peace, abundance – thank you

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:05pm
864: Radlove says:

(((Turquoise)))

852 – I would say, “That feels bad to hear. I don’t want to be emotionally abused. What do you think?”

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:07pm
865: Femininewoman says:

Turq did you receive Rori’s email Chemistry vs Intimacy? Remember chemistry almost stood in Mel’s way.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:07pm
866: Siren Angel says:

Sirens,

I need to riff..

I feel scared. I am scared of his children. I feel turned-off. I feel betrayed. I feel like the walls of intimacy in our relationship has holes that were busted through them.

After a very successful weekend with M and his kids. This is how I feel.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:13pm
867: Femininewoman says:

Turq I believe he is feeling angry with himself. Anything can get him feeling attacked. I would be more prone to say “ok, thank you or just ouch”. I feel this or that could turn into a trigger

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:17pm
868: Daria says:

ruth – i feel so triggered! ohhh i’d feel so good to be sure you’re just riffing your Nv’s and not consciously choosing to call yourself a silly cow or other put downs

cuz beating oneself up is NOT allowed on the blog at all

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:20pm
869: Radlove says:

blooming,

859 – Did you write that? Either way, it’s beautiful!!!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:21pm
870: Daria says:

(((Daria))) uses ‘rules’ to help herself choose wisely awww lil Daria so much trust

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:21pm
871: bloom-ing says:

siren angel,

hello : )

… & i do feel curious if the weekend was “very successful” because you felt you were Doing A Lot to make it so ?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:23pm
872: Femininewoman says:

Daria I feel lit up abt the rules thought

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:28pm
873: bloom-ing says:

radlove,

this is a collage of “stolen” material:

“while twilight is fading, i pensively roam….” (of traditional welsh folk song “The Ash Grove”)

“Follow the Gleam” (a traditional hymn)
To the knights in the days of old/keeping watch o’er the mountain’s height,/came a vision of Holy Grail/and a voice in the waiting night:/Follow, follow, follow the gleam –/banners unfurled, for all the world –/follow, follow, follow the gleam/of the chalice that is the Grail./And we who would serve the King/& loyally him obey,/in the consecrate silence know/that the challenge still holds today:
Follow, follow, follow the gleam –/standards of worth, for all the earth –/follow, follow, follow the gleam/of the Light that shall bring the dawn.

Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, (an english childrens’ song)/shall I ever see thee wed?
I shall marry at thy will, Sir,/at thy will…../
Ah, poor bird,/take thy flight/high above the /sorrows/of this dark night.

the “13 charms of a Lady” (see wikipedia “Geneva Glen”)/love/joy & enthusiasm/patience/humility/responsibility/poise/sharing/adjustability/creativity/sincerity/growth/courage/loyalty

lol : )

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:32pm
874: Smile says:

I feel all warm and snuggled in my duvet cover with my own company. I’m alone, but I don’t feel lonely.

I feel excited to dive deep into my two imaginary worlds of the blog and my novel. The blog is real I know but I feel I can escape here.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:33pm
875: Tam says:

864….chemistry standing in the way…hmmmm..it certainly clouds things. Come to think of it….everyone I had great chemistry with in the last three years didn’t last more than 6 months (that was the longest). Hmmmm…I had great ‘chemistry’ with two married men but stopped it before it led anywhere thank goodness (must have been a sign of my unavailability, married men, jeepers).

Hmmmm…I was just trying to analyse my chemistry with MrP….and actually….OMG…in a sexual way I have a very low chemistry count with him…hehe..I ONLY JUST REALISED THAT…I used to think we had chemistry…and we do have some, but what is chemistry? Because I just always felt comfy with him but never really felt the urge to jump on him or kiss him or anything like that…just comfy like with a good pillow. Or a warm blanket.
Oh dear, that doesn’t sound exciting, does it

I am now wondering whether that is why we are sticking to each other…because it’s not a short lived ‘huge chemistry and fizzle out’ thing.
I don’t know really because I do like to be close to him..hmm. I am confused about chemistry now.
With my bf, we had huge sexual chemistry, really from the time we first kissed. It was perfect….and it probably clouded over all the issues- at first.
With MrP we are just like two fumbling teenagers who don’t know what they are doing. It’s not exactly chemistry…and it never clouded over any issues, oh no, we spat our issues out at each other already really…

Hmm….I am surprised because I often wondered if it was a purely chemical thing, but then I realise that it can’t have been at all because as soon as we got together the first time, I had to leave and that was when we built up our ‘mind-relationship’, with calls and emails etc. – and you can’t have chemistry over thousands of miles…hmmm..hmmmm..hmmmm.

And if I think about kissing him I just feel kind of ‘blah’. I can take it or leave it..lol…haha.
Whereas when I think about kissing my ex bf I am like ‘ooohhhh yes pleeease’.
This is a shocking revelation to myself.

I feel confused.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:34pm
876: Tam says:

Actually, I feel fearful of too much chemistry nowadays…..it’s just so misleading.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:37pm
877: Smile says:

My eyes feel heavy. My body feels relaxed. My feet are throbbing. My stomach feels full and satisfied. My hands ache from holding my phone. The light feels blinding and my eyes want to squint. I think I’ll turn on my side and go under my duvet a little… That feels more relaxing.

Tonight I’m thankful for my friends. I’m thankful for my car. I’m thankful for my family. I’m thankful for my career. I’m thankful for my health.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:38pm
878: Tam says:

no chemistry is bad too, or ‘reverse chemistry’, when you couldn’t touch the guy with a bargepole…that is also scary. Doesn’t happen too often but has happened before and he really liked me and I was genuinely repulsed (my body) and it even felt bad hugging him. Crikey.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:40pm
879: April Rose says:

I just ran a matchmatrix compatibility test on myself and new yummy OKCupid man. He was willing to give me his birthdate, so sweet of him.

Bah. It’s rubbish. In fact it is exactly the same compatibility rating as myself and WM
friends 32%
lovers 18%

We are opposite styles in the two most important categories – communication style and sexual style.

Never mind.
I ‘ve saved us both a lot of suffering.

Next!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:41pm
880: Smile says:

I’m climbing into the arms of the universe and floating away on the cottony White cloud. Night sirens 

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:42pm
881: Tam says:

April Rose, ha! I should do many a test like that and save myself from trouble….hehe

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:43pm
882: Daria says:

feminine woman i felt moved remembering how much i LOVED and trusted adults as a child

i mean i LOVED my teachers like really full on

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:43pm
883: Daria says:

i felt a lot of trust about the rules and would often kinda tattle tale or be like, thats against the rules

i was so creative and energetic tho that i think i was often also disregarding rules completely yet was totally missing the contradiction

i ewnt to heal all that there is to heal yum

all those rules might have gotten beat into me hmm

also part of my culture you must follow ‘exactly or else the punishme t wheter from parents or fate was exacting and cruel

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:45pm
884: Siren Angel says:

Hi Bloom-ing,

I was actually very leaned back and his kids were warm to me and came to me. Friday, we went to a water-park and the 11yr old was very close and we talked a lot and did some slides. The 5 yr old was still cold a little on Friday. Saturday, before going over, I was told she wasn’t feeling well. So I bought her a pink cake-pop (and 3 other chocolatey ones for the boys). I told her it had fairy pixie magic dust in it that would make her feel better and she totally warmed up. We had a nice Saturday evening as we went to a pool party. The 5yr old felt immediately better after the cake-pop (thank you Universe). Sunday morning, M went to play tennis for 1 hour and a half.. and that is when disaster stroke.

As soon as M walked out the door, the 11 yr old started inventing a new game (he invents games to play with the smaller kids, but he makes the rules to win). Except this time, he was making ‘secret’ rules with his 7 yr old brother, excluding y 7 yr old and M’s 5 yr old. My son and M’s 5yr old started crying, and eventually there were tears. I gently asked if they would play another game until M got home. The 11 yr old said ‘no, my dad let’s me’ (I know he is not allowed to exclude the others and this is know behavior the ‘rules making’ and it always gets the others upset). I suggested other games. The 11 yr old said ‘you can’t tell us anything, because we will tell my dad’ and then I asked to please let’s just stop this game for now because it feels unfair for the little ones and they feel hurt. He then started SCREAMING at me telling me ‘you are the one that’s unfair. My dad let’s me do what I want. You ruin it all.’ To which point (I had a my 7yr old son and M’s 5 yr old in tears now even more) I asked him to go to his room for ‘just one minute’ until it feels more calm here and the little ones are calmed down. He said no. I asked again and he finally stormed off. After that, his 7 yr old followed him to his room upstairs and I ignored this for a few seconds, but then I got a strange feeling as they were talking. I went in the staircase and the 11 yr old was telling his 7 yr old brother what to say to their dad when he comes home TO GET RID OF ME.

At this point I have to tell you that last week in one of our evenings alone (M & myself) I found out that he HAD told his kids after all before our getting back together after previous weekend spat, that he would break up with me because they don’t like me. I felt very hurt and betrayed. And actually quite outraged.

Anyway, so back to this last Sunday, when M came home the 11 yr old ran to him to tell him his version, which was cleared up by the other kids and all was well again. We went to a pool again that day and all was good and slept over again. The next day, I went home with my kiddie and he still had his kids for one more night before they got back to their mothers and I had school things to prepare for my 7 yr old anyway and work too. I thought all was good. We had a nice, really nice weekend, intimacy and sex and all.

Last night M calls saying he is torn because on Monday night the 11 yr old told him again that he doesn’t want to see me anymore. He started by asking when they would see us (me and kiddie) again and told his dad it would be nice to have more time with him. And when M said, ‘next time you are here, they will be here’ to which point 11 yr old said he doesnt like me (he was joking, cuddling, telling me he loves me the days before!).

I feel bewildered and scared. They really really scare me.

Did I mention 11 yr old sleeps in M’s bed when I am not there and has complained he can’t and can’t watch movies alone with his dad when I am over there?

This is ridiculous.

Please tell me if you think I am wrong. I feel confused. I love these kids and I know they love me but they seem (especially 11 yr old) determined to get me out.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:48pm
885: Daria says:

((((Siren Angel)))) i would go for the parenting class on my own… it could help boost my confidence no matter what happens here

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:54pm
886: April Rose says:

((((((siren angel))))))

Ouch.
I would make a boundary so I wasn’t left alone with them again.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:57pm
887: Siren Angel says:

Thank you Daria. I intend to.

By the way, my parenting style is very very smooth… it really is. I have even been told too smooth. It feels so scary. I feel like they now have all the power and I feel depleated of my powers.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:58pm
888: Siren Angel says:

I feel like they have total control of the relationship with M. I may just walk away. I feel too fragile and vulnerable for this. I am feeling turned off of these break-ups. I feel the intimacy has been shattered.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 2:59pm
889: April Rose says:

When I read that M had gone to play tennis and left you with his kids, I felt puzzled.

I would say to him “I don’t want to be left alone with the children. It feels better if you are present”

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:05pm
890: ruth says:

Siren Angel
OMG, I feel so angry.this isnt fair for you

Mind you, I dont have children so not qualified to comment but-

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:05pm
891: Daria says:

‘Did I mention 11 yr old sleeps in M’s bed when I am not there and has complained he can’t and can’t watch movies alone with his dad when I am over there?’

this doesn’t sound ridiculous, it sounds like a little boy who wants to be close to his dad.
aww i feel sad that he’s being judged for that

i dont feel safe reading this. i feel angry. i feel really confused, and i dont want to be judgemental

this feels very triggering for me’ i feel quite panicked and upset

id feel better to know these children are around adults who nurture and accept them more than what comes across in these posts

i used to feel scared of children, i feel so sensitive and im sure id feel extremely triggered in a similar situation

id be delving hardcore into a parenting class or book or learning materials could help me get perspective and learn some tools about children who are behaving hostile towards me. i feel angry not reading about any steps taken towards that.

what did this show up for me to heal?

my remaining fear of children?

i feel so confused and triggered

i feel powerless

i feel shaky

i feel guilty

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:06pm
892: Daria says:

“Did I mention 11 yr old sleeps in M’s bed when I am not there and has complained he can’t and can’t watch movies alone with his dad when I am over there?

this is ridiculous’

i feel very angry reading this judgement

i feel powerless

i dont want to judge and ill just say this feels so scary to read

i feel like running away and shutting the door and only peering out the keyhole

i feel in shock and blocked

i wonder what this showed up for me to heal

i feel guilty

i feel stormy

i feel understanding

i feel compassionate

i feel terrified

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:12pm
893: April Rose says:

I imagine they feel like they are in a battle to win Dad. At times they see you as an adversary. Especially if they are sleeping in Dad’s bed and have to get out when you come over.
Hmmm.
I would not like to compete with children. I imagine they feel powerless too, hence the secret plotting (which incidentally can also be just another game for a child).

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:12pm
894: Daria says:

i feel really disturbed

i feel a strong compulsion to shame

i feel guilty ive already done that in my tone

sinking in to just me

i feel sad, unloved, misunderstood, powerless, judgemtnal, mistrustful, heart beating loud,

go limp be sad make heart hard

go numb

what am i feeling?

im feeling scared and sad

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:16pm
895: Siren Angel says:

April Rose,

I did. I told him yesterday that he has a babysitter in the villa complex where he lives that he has used before and the kids like her. That it would feel better.

He then said he doesnt know if we can ever live together…

I feel yucky and discouraged and outraged and so hurt and disregarded.

Again, after the promise ring, moving backwards.

I tend to think the commitment, since the promise ring a month ago, scares him and he is doing this in some way to stop the commitment.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:16pm
896: ruth says:

Daria

I am sort of joking and sort of not

I laugh at myself a lot but my self esteem is round the U bend of the loo most of the time-yep, i am joking again to avoid the issue

But, seriously.i ha a good day with lovely feedback from the patients and also did unofficial support for nursing staff and got lots done so not quite sure why I am so weepy and silly
yes, i had some difficult conversations in clinic-talking to someone your own age abiut kidney failure isnt easy, and i let her cry and rage, i guess i could have avoided that but she *needed* to and for once i had time
Fck all i can DO though

But i do this sort of stuff every day

I guess its easier to stuff the feelings down

Ugh, I fel helpless, but i feel good that i can allow people to express pain
Another very young patient is frefusing to come to dialysis
She will be dead soon
the nurses are VERY upset about it
I can sort of see her point of view.She would not live another 2 years anyway and maybe she wants to be in control of her destiny

it is hard
ive been away from work for just six days and come back to this-and other stuff

It is work

And I deal with it but i suppose i have to deal with my own feelings
Opening up vis a vis Rori means work gets to me more than it would otherwise, hmmmm

Must be careful

Anyway, must stop rambling.I have run and it is bedtime soon

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:16pm
897: Daria says:

now i feel scared that ill get a man who secretly judges and fears and dislikes and despises my children and loved ones, or i may think this way about his

sigh

i feel all going limp”

i like everyone my family to get along and i feel like smashing all their heads together and “makiNg them’ behave!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:18pm
898: Daria says:

ruth – if it is joking, and not conscious riffing to expose Nvs in written form for healing, i would STOP that joking now

seriously, or else i will tattle tell and go tell Rori that someone is beating herself up ‘on her watch.’ that is against the rules, way more against the rules than ocassionaly using masculine voice or even attackign and judging others

that is sort of ajoke too , except i really would tell rori to write you

you deserve better, and i dont want to see people beating themselves up here, processing is okay, but self beating up stops here . now.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:22pm
899: April Rose says:

Siren Angel,

Do the children know about the ring?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:25pm
900: bloom-ing says:

ruth….. i feel “Proud to be you” even though i’m not you lol : ))) i feel so excited & full of adrenaline to imagine you running, or at work talking to patients, or even pausing over your phone or computer thinking of a response to a difficult communication… : )

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:26pm
901: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel how about Cdating?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:26pm
902: ruth says:

yeah
Thanks daria

you are correct
Right now i dont even have the energy to give my Gremlin a cookie but i will try and ignore it
Phew, and i would have said today was a good day but I feel so drained

I dont know how to riff

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:27pm
903: April Rose says:

Daria,

I enjoy your ‘fierce love’ voice.

It is telling people what to do/not do. For their best good.

I like it.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:27pm
904: April Rose says:

Ruth,

I feel in awe of you. Working with people in pain, people who have serious conditions that mean their lives could end.

That’s a lot of super-charged emotion.

And I reckon that you are best feeling it (and expressing it when it feels appropriate) rather than stuffing it down.

These tears and weird feelings are going to become your regular friends from now on.
You are a full, feeling, involved in life and ALIVE juicy woman.

I feel inspired by you.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:31pm
905: Daria says:

ruth – i feel curious if learning or having some EFT can help relieve the helplessness…and give u a tool to share with grieving and scared patients also?

daria stuff

i wonder if i would feel triggered too in such a place – i would avoid it, hmmm . im more into looking for ways to help people heal with herbs and food and energy

if i were in charge id have the patients on a quail egg diet, to see if the kidneys recover or just the reduction in inflamation makes a difference. id be happy to hear neighbor cd’s brother is having it…

i believe beings choose to die, in the moment when it presents itself, and that belief has soothed a lot of my grief so far

sometimes i feel scared ill feel triggered and wont handle it or believe this belief solidly if someone close to me like a parent or lover or child will die

so far ive had a few friend deaths – murders! – and the deaths of my grandparents and i felt quite at peace about them

i talk to spirits more than people sometimes and that makes me feel mysterious and deep and important

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:33pm
906: April Rose says:

I have heard, and accepted, that a man’s children come first in his life.

A woman will come second.

Am I on the right track? Has anyone else heard and believes this?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:34pm
907: Daria says:

no one i prayed for to live has died on me

i still feel scared this won’t ‘hold’ though

i did have one being ‘Trick’ me though, when i prayed that he wouldn’t get life in prison and he didn’t but went oout and got murdered instead

grrrrr wayne, thought you was gonna be my boo guess thats why u poofed?

oh i ahvent really talked to him since he died,

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:37pm
908: Daria says:

April Rose – hmm not sure if i believe that, hierarchy wouldn’t work for me

it would feel better to feel like a family

but yes Rori does say that some things especially wehn it comes to time with his children, are non negotiables

i feel curious about this too

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:39pm
909: ruth says:

My patients die

thats ok

I am curious about EFT though

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:39pm
910: Daria says:

thakns April rose

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:40pm
911: ruth says:

Just to clarify

most of my patients are old witj lots of other medical issues and would die if not having dialysis, which isnt always the right thing to do

I am there to ease the passage

I feel ok with that

we all get on well, but i do cry when they die.i am human as well as a doctor

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:43pm
912: ruth says:

You are lovely people

thank you
xxxxx

i am crying again

I suppose it has to come out

But today was a good day FFS
Ugh, I feel weak

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:47pm
913: Daria says:

when my friends die i just howl it out and in a couple days i feel better

also get a powerful feeling knowing i can talk to them any time, in my imagination aka spirit world

and i get a sense that the rest of my life feels short, in a way, and we will be reunited soon

the grief of the living is something else, to feel cut off though. that is something to heal

i see i have a great gift that i am not triggered by death so much

i used to believe it was something that could destroy someone – destroy me

now its like, oh you decided to die too? okay well… ill see u soon brodie and im choosing to live i still want to change myself in this world

though a few times i wouldve died

i feel scared ill ‘lose’ my magic power

what if i do will i be able to trust myself again?

it has NEVER failed me yet

i still dont feel fully trusting

i want to feel FULLY trusting

wow that would feel deep

i could heal people really hardcore then

hello i a am a voodoo woman i live with spirits i am here on earth to declare that I LOVE humans yes i do

non violence

not all spirits have learned non violence and no blame and no punishment

they get inspired by me too and honor me

i am a Great Goddess

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:49pm
914: ruth says:

ooooh
I do feel like swearing on the blog
@@@@@@****
hm
Ugh but this is just another day, and a good one reallt

Get a grip woman

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:50pm
915: Heart says:

Hello Sirens – I’m feeling pretty good today! Energized and hopeful.
Wow….lots of posts…I’m going to stroll up and read.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:50pm
916: Daria says:

when my grandparents died, i felt HAPPY!

i fetl smily and joyful

i am quite an extrauordinary being to be free of beliefs that hurt others so much

wow

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:51pm
917: Siren Angel says:

April Rose,
I know and understand that. I am the same with my son, he comes first.

However, in this case and in other i have heard of, M has given them way too much ‘power’ over the relationship. He tells them he will break up with me if they want him to.

I believe that as 2 adults, it would be better to look for a solution than to go along kids whims. Also, they are influenced by their mother tremendously. M says she manipulates them and they are still in custody fight. He told me 1 and a half years ago she would influence the kids to try to break us up and I believe she does. I have heard things from them to prove this. Also, in the custody fight, last court was 3 months ago and the kids told the psychologist they love me. I am in the court report and met the psychologist too and he recommends me totally and portrays me nicely in the report and recommended that M has shared custody. I am sure this triggered the mother.

What I cant fathom is how M cannot make light of any of it and look for a solution or at least support me.

I sometimes feel really judged here when in fact I have tremendous patience and love.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:52pm
918: ruth says:

Daria

death is ok

if it is planned for and accepted and a good one

That feels good, and I love it when I can facilitate that

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:52pm
919: April Rose says:

Ruth,

Do you really need to ‘get a grip’ at this very moment in time?
Maybe for work tomorrow morning, yes, but tonight?

Let this stuff flow unhindered and it will pass and will leave you clean and sparkling as a fresh fountain in spring….

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:55pm
920: ruth says:

Siren Angel

I cant give any words of advice as i do not have children but I will semd you love and hugs

Dont know what else to do

would like to help

Cant

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:55pm
921: Daria says:

i showed my grandmother a picture of my friend who had died the year before and i told her, talk to him he will take you wehre to our ancestors

i told him to wait for my grandmother

i also had some supernatural stuff happen both w him and my granmother so i know i wasnt just trippin

and i can also sing a song reallywell that i believe is an old burial song

and i tlak to my ancestors

so death doesn’t really upset me

sometimes it still does scare me and i would like to heal that compeltely

that would feel AWESOME! and so free!

im wondering if this is cuz the wind goddess is with and in me and is comfortable with spirits this way

ive been dressing in her full regalia now i notice and talking to maria at all the monestaries lately

i am all goddesses as i am me great goddess

i feel moved

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:55pm
922: ruth says:

April,Rose, no, I dont need to tonight

thank you
xx

except i might run out of tissues if I dont LOL

I am okay
Thank you
xxx

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 3:57pm
923: April Rose says:

Siren Angel,

I hear you, and I support you

This says it all for me “..M has given them way too much ‘power’ over the relationship. He tells them he will break up with me if they want him to…”

I feel outraged too. And shocked that he has not set set boundaries to let them know he makes his own personal choices. As a kid I would not feel safe if i thought I could manipulate my Dad so strongly.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:00pm
924: Siren Angel says:

Thank you Ruth.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:00pm
925: ruth says:

Death can be a good thing if managed properly

I am not quite sure if a totally feeling me is a good thing in my work

oof
I should be in bed but i feel intrigued

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:01pm
926: Daria says:

ruth! – if i was there to ease the passage i would REALLY look into EFT. that can really help people so much!

also it would help ME!

i would not feel comfortable putting myself in that situation to ease the fear and suffering of people – lol laughing for some reason – it would feel draining and sad for me

i would feel overwhelmed

i nwonder what this showed up for me to heal?

im more used to YELLING strange things to surprise and choosing surprise

i feel concerned that i would feel angry if i wasnt listened to that death is a choice and so on and i would feel POWERLESS

an di feel ‘not ready’

i just want to heal my family! i want my family to get along

and i get triggered and have ‘snapped’ and lost awareness oops

and everyday im babystepping and shifting and

evnetually i will have a healed family and be supporting myself even more than i think THEY would

and then i will feel powerful and be able to help heal those people feeling desperate and scared

i can already do some fo that

i want to be gentle gentle

no yelling

i am a loud goddess i am a TORNADO

i am also the spring the river the soothing singing goddess and the flwoering goddess and the salt waves

ahh i feel scared to be the saltwaves too

alll will come i am honored

the world celebrates my being

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:01pm
927: Laughing Goddess says:

(((Siren Angel)))

I feel so frustrated hearing your story. I don’t feel good about M telling the kids he would break up with you if that’s what they want.

Are you open to cd-ing right now? Maybe just take a step back?

I would feel uncomfortable being alone with the kids under these circumstances too.

Hmmm, I also understand how you would feel judged here to. I do feel a lot of admiration for you openness.

I feel unsure of what else to say.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:03pm
928: Heart says:

#874 – Tam – I feel surprised to read that u and Mr.P have minimal Chemistry. Maybe you’re Bf was a player though so he was able to hone his skills? lol…I don’t know. I feel curious about why u would leave a man you had great chemistry and commitment with ….for someone that gave you neither….

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:03pm
929: Daria says:

if i were a mother, i would let my children know too that they are important to me, and it would be VERY important that they liked my partner

he wouldn’t be just marrying me, he’d be marrying ‘my family’ and becoming the man of the family here!

of COURSE i wouldn’t choose a man my children didn’t feel good about!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:04pm
930: Siren Angel says:

Thank you Laughing Goddess.

I choose to have an open heart. It feels good to be heard.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:05pm
931: Heart says:

your not you’re

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:05pm
932: Daria says:

*I* wouldn’t choose a man whose kids I didn’t feel comfortable raising as a parent

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:06pm
933: ruth says:

Hm Daria

i have sat with so many people as they died
(and i open the window after ha)
I am comfortable with that process if it is planned and expected and managed

sometimes it isnt and that hurts

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:06pm
934: Heart says:

#846 Turquoise – I feel angry at Mr. Conversation. And I feel Rejected by him for you.
Also I just feel downright confused by him. I guess it’s a case of – Wanting to have your cake and eat it too.
I think it’s good that your dating other people.
I suggest that you go the extra Mile…and really just Let him goHis presence may prevent you from actually really connecting with another guy.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:11pm
935: Daria says:

to me it feels reassuring that it seems this man kinda gets that his kids might be against him having a relationship, and so is not outright cutting it off immediately

i feel guilty if anyone feels jduged, and i feel glad that theres openess

i DO feel triggered and yes, judgemental, and i dont actually want to feel that way. i feel so TIGHT! my butt feels tight, my lower back my forehead.

i would feel comfortable if i read, oh yes, i can see i can improve my parenting skills, and ive been reading this about other parents who have beein in similar situations, and i feel excited to try that… etc

reading judgements, not feeling messages, about this situation and the kids i feel

i feel alarmed and pist!

i cant really handle this

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:12pm
936: Laughing Goddess says:

I’m feeling really raw and ragged at the moment. Today feels challenging.

Trying to embrace it and just love the chaos.

(((chaos)))
(((jerks)))
(((confrontation)))

Loving the messiness of my emotions and physical reality.
Loving the confusion
Loving the tension

Feeling so triggered by my guy and having a hard time opening my heart.

I feel so frustrated when we have a tense moment and then just take space rather than being sweet with each other.

I feel so angry about that space.
I just want to feel peace. I don’t want to feel tension.

Feeling like I could take him or leave him right now.
Not sure if it’s how I really feel or hormones talking.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:12pm
937: Siren Angel says:

Daria,

I really wish for you to have a family, and a happy one at that of course.

I have always dreamed of having a loving and united family. It is of most importance to me. It’s important to me to be with a man who has kids too before my ex (7 yr old’s dad) did not and I also have a 18 year old, and he was hostile to him after I got pregnant with my now 7 yr old.

I feel really judged… Do you have children Daria? Have you dated men with children? I feel curious to ask because I feel so judged… I apologize if this comes out as rude or even dismissive but I don’t feel a lot of compassion for you. Maybe your dad or mom had a partner you did not approve of? Again, I feel curious.

I have done searches today on the internet and there are tons of stories like mine with the children deliberately trying to destroy their parents new union. One of these sites was about second marriages, where couples are actually engaged or just married, and living the same situation.

I feel frustrated that M would ‘throw in the towel’ instead of making an honest to goodness manly friggin effort to make this work for all of us.

I also believe the kids have absolutely no grasp whatsoever of the consequences of these games, well, because they are kids.

And I feel dissapointed and turned off by M that he will not see the middle ground, without ‘choosing’.

I honestly believe the kids don’t really know what they are doing and saying, very possibly manipulated by the mother, and that in time they would realize a breakup would actually be much more hurtful.

Because there is one thing I would not do, and that is to remain ‘friends’ for their benefit. It would feel hypocritical and unfair.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:13pm
938: ruth says:

xxxxxx
goodnight ladies
I look forward to reading your posts tomorrrow

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 @ 4:14pm
939: Daria says:

ruth – when my friends have gotten killed i just bawled it out loud and felt it through in a few days.

EFT can help so much even then, or if the grief gets stuck more than that

really knowing i cou

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