Relationships have ups and downs.
Things aren’t always going to feel good, go good, be good.
No one and nothing is “perfect.”
And nothing “stays the same.”
We never “achieve” any “state” of “goodness” where we can just coast on all that we’ve achieved.
Every moment is a new moment, and the key to happiness, for me, is in falling in love with the unknown.
I don’t just mean accepting, or even embracing. I mean flat-out falling in love with it.
For me – every bit of “holding on” or constantly trying to make things happen is just plain fear of not having control.
And since we DON’T have control over most things – we’re playing a losing game trying to “master” our lives.
I struggle, we all struggle sometimes with some things, or even the same things.
The point is that the outcome of every moment, day in and day out, is not under our control.
And what IS under our control is the sheer bravery of diving down under the mask of superficial niceness and pleasantness and going and getting along that we all wear, and into real, honest-to-goodness, heart-to-heart relating.
Going into a moment with your feelings, your body and your mind all connected up and open to public viewing.
The fearlessness of stepping into a moment like that is a real like no other.
There is no rush, no confidence builder, no self-esteem boosts like a moment of fearlessness that leads to a deeper connection with another human being.
It’s like doing what you’ve always wanted to do and not only living to tell the tale, but coming home with the prize!
Only – you can’t go for the end result.
You can’t plunge into the unknown to get the prize.
I know – it’s a “catch” that is endlessly frustrating.
That’s why fearlessness and going into the unknown CAN’T be things we “do” or “tolerate” or “push through” in order to get the prize.
Your motivation CAN’T be the prize!
Your motivation has to be love. Love for the unknown, the unknowable.
It’s you as daredevil.
But instead of jumping off mountains with parachutes and wing-suits – you speak the truth without knowing how it’ll land.
Instead of doing things you’re afraid of (flying, falling, getting onstage…) so that you can get through them and be “stronger” on the other side…or because of the “rush” it gives you…you do these things because you LOVE the idea of doing them, and you love the unknown moments all through the process.
It’s science fiction. It’s plowing into another dimension, jumping through a fold in space, floating into a new galaxy, losing the sensation of where “down” or “up” is.
It’s following your body and heart through places you’ve never been before.
“Go for it!” doesn’t mean go for the end result.
“Go for it!” means what YOU want it to mean.
“Go for it!” can simply mean “You GO girl!”
“Just Do It!” can mean just stand there and BE in the next, unknowable moment, letting your body fully experience it.
See if you can allow each moment to happen – without your “help.”
See if you can allow every person you encounter, every man you love, to be who he is in your presence without your help.
See if you can allow every person you encounter, every man you love, to see who YOU are in their presence, without doing anything.
See if you can allow every person you encounter, every man you love, to help YOU just BE who you are in their presence by not making any meaning out of anything, or going for anything, or wanting anything beyond just wanting to BE there.
See if you can fall in love with each moment as something new, unknowable, scary, lovely, whatever shows up.