Anxiety Is Often The Clue You Need That Something Good’s About To Happen

Here’s part of a conversation with a client I’ll call “Toni” – where she’s moving (at the speed of light, truly…) from overfunctioning, controlling, anger-filled and resentment-filled communication, fighting, arguments, blaming…everything going wrong – to ease, harmony, smiling, affection, love, laughing…everything going WELL!

This letter is happening at the point where Toni’s making a real effort to put the Tools into practice and experiencing both great results, and the fear that ANY “change” brings…

“Hi Rori-

I wanted to send you an update. I have so much going on and I need to get it out.

Things in the relationship are up and down.

They’re really good one day, and then really bad the next. I continue to do things (on purpose and by accident) to trigger arguments. Today has been really hard because I am starting to feel a LOT of anxiety lately. More than I have felt in a really long time.

I feel scared! Scared that things won’t work out and scared that they will. It’s crazy. I want to cover it up with anger, but it’s harder to do for some reason.

I am terrified to be away from him. Like everything is on the brink of falling apart. We have been bickering a lot the last several days, and had two really big arguments last week.

Last Thursday I couldn’t stand him and was pretty sure that I was done. Then by Friday evening I was wondering how I could ever be without him.

I’m all over the place. (But I had really pulled away on Thursday and he stepped up and was very loving and kind and supportive. So I got close again, and then Sunday was bad again).

I’m having some good insights. I had a moment of clarity where I totally understood that all I had to do was be true to myself and my feelings – which doesn’t mean criticizing, blaming, etc.

It all made total sense. Very empowering.

Then I got freaked out because I felt more independent and separate.

I’ve had a nagging sense for years that I keep things on edge emotionally because I (in bold capital letter) can’t handle intimacy. It’s been a vague fear that if I’m not the one pursuing, I’ll lose interest.

So I keep myself in this fragile place emotionally because it keeps me feeling connected somehow, and allows me to act in ways where I get rejected and then I feel inadequate and wrong and unlovable.

Then I put up with things that I know I shouldn’t – but I also know that somehow I’m creating them because I’m more comfortable being rejected and trying to fight my way back in.

(This feels very powerful. I’m crying and feel very sad. Like I’ve really abandoned myself.) I’m not sure where to go with all of this. I feel very anxious and alone and scared.

I want to start working on how to talk about some of the big issues for me in our relationship. I also need to work on the anxiety I am feeling that causes me to want to start a fight just to release some energy.

Toni”

From Me:

Toni…You sound fantastic!

I know it feels crappy – but here’s the truth – things feel chaotic and stirred up right before you leap into a new level of consciousness and experience.

The trick is to ride the wave of the anxiety and other feelings rather than trying to figure them out.

Just EMBRACING everything you feel, sitting with it – not trying to DO anything about it.

It’s natural to bounce around out of fear… – yes, we all fear what we want, and intimacy is the number one fear of all of us.

We fear merging, and want to merge – and intimacy feels like merging – but it isn’t.

You have to stay whole enough to be intimate – so that’s the trick.

You are DOING this!

For you – not “spewing” out the energy that’s welling up inside you is key – write it out instead, or talk to yourself in the mirror.

Breathe, practice going inside, and way outside rather than hanging in your head.

Touch things, dance, move…

What I think would be the best thing for us to do is script.

We could take ever single conversation and argument you’ve had, and redo them differently.

Just keep doing what you’re doing… and fear is part of the teacher, here….

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

679 Comments to “Anxiety Is Often The Clue You Need That Something Good’s About To Happen”

1: Starla says:

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:56am
2: Femininewoman says:

Anxiety hhm

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 7:00am
3: Francesca says:

Hmmm, that’s interesting.

I never thought of looking at anxiety as a clue that’s something good is going to happen – that’s kind of mind boggling.

I always saw it as something “bad” or at least something I didn’t necessarily want to experience.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 7:18am
4: Francesca says:

I talk to myself in the mirror often.

I always knew that was helpful.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 7:21am
5: Francesca says:

Although there are times when I don’t like the things I’m saying to myself!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 7:22am
6: Iamabutterfly says:

Love this. Feel like I’ve been going through it with Jack CD, and more importantly, with myself. I feel hopeful reading this. Thanks, Rori!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 7:56am
7: GingerSky says:

I resemble this blog… (and esp resemble the last one, but not sure my comment posted about that)… only unless I`m feeling extremely secure or conversely, am just so triggered I get reckless, oftentimes what I do to release the energy is to pull overly close to the man… I hide & run from my empty self & the scary world into the “intimacy”… but that`s not healthy or truly intimate. I don`t know what to do about this. I think I`m getting better… but by slow degrees..

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:00am
8: lk says:

this feels really good to read. i do believe there are break-throughs after break-downs : )

& i know i cycle through the anxiety & i love myself for going forward, forward : ) go go lk i can do that

awwwww ((((((VALI))))) saying “oh, yes, you can do that ! ” & “kiss your feet – they carry you all day – you can kiss them !”

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:00am
9: GingerSky says:

I want to be with a man who also understands that anxiety can show that something good`s about to happen… I want to be in relationship w a man who`s wise & not have to carry all that by myself all the time. NSM was the first or second one for me like that. I really do well w a man who understands human dynamics well, bc it`s such a big part of who I am & what I do in the world. It`s just a matter of having a man in my life who`s interested in the things I`m interested in… but pretty challenging when I lack the education to go with it… I look forward to meeting this man though. I look forward tto continuing to meet myself & not hide.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:08am
10: Starla says:

Still just blown away by not understanding why the f*ck CF disappeared of the face of the planet and is avoiding me like the plague. Sorry to keep bringing this up, but I feel stuck. I hope that’s okay.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:31am
11: Starla says:

I think I am hurting myself with a belief that he will never speak to me again, when I have no evidence of this since it hasn’t been forever yet:P
Perhaps I can switch my belief to “he will contact me when he’s ready.”

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:51am
12: Starla says:

Can I please let go and give it up to the universe. Please, Starla. It’s okay.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:53am
13: Emerson says:

(((Starla)))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:56am
14: Jan says:

“but I also know that somehow I’m creating them because I’m more comfortable being rejected and trying to fight my way back in.”

That’s me! I never really got it until just now!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:59am
15: Emerson says:

I don’t want to get in this mindset being negative about men or people or relationships.

I hear a voice telling me “men are different nowadays they don’t want to committ and will never be consistent from one day to the next” but I don’t want to believe that.

I also feel super sensitive about someone not watching my back or being my advocate because that’s what was lacking with my parents.

I feel like my man should be very protective but often those men are also OVERprotective…that I attract.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:01am
16: Emerson says:

I feel anxiety around these issues, so I hope that does mean that something is about to change.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:02am
17: Iamabutterfly says:

Starla, sweet girl, I know you are going through a rough time, but it has been such a joy and encouragment to see you work through your healing in a healthy way. I just wanted you to know that and send you some love! <3

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:04am
18: siren song says:

((starla))

this post is totally resonating with me.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:22am
19: mali says:

Ahhh, this feels so good to read…. I feel hopeful.

So for those of you who know about hoodie guy, I feel so anxious about it at all… I went through that phase of “What’s he thinking? He kissed me (it was my first kiss, he was partly drunk), took me to a rugby game with his friends… WHY?!”

And then I was in a state of anxiety for about two weeks before finally leaning forward and telling him about something that made me think of him.

And then I felt awful.

and so I resolved that I was going to move on. And I felt free! So free!

Ofcourse the next day I see a response from him asking me how my holidays are going… ofcourse.

I respond a few days later, and it’s fun; and he calls me but I’m busy so I don’t pick up. And I come upstairs to see his miscall and a text telling me his pocket dialled me, oops and sorry.

And Im laughing. Because I can feel this guy/boy/wannabe-man’s fear and insecurity… and I feel relieved. Because I feel like Im in control.

*sigh* Need to heal this.

And I respond a few days later telling him it’s okay and that I had been *slightly* happy to see he’d called

And he calls again, but Im catching up with my housemate who’s just arrived back… so I dont pick up again.

And he texts me sayinf “fine, dpnt pick up then! ” And carries on the conversation.

I respond a few hours later teasing him saying that I was sorry, I thought his pocket was dialling me And to call back.

Which he doesn’t, and so I feel scared and anxious that I won’t hear from him again.

So I call. And we talk for an hour; and I feel happy. He’s a good listener.

He tells me that he’ll let me know when he’s back at uni, and we’ll do something.

And I believe him, but now I’m super anxious that I won’t hear from him, that he didn’t mean it.

I’m feeling this anxiety and I know it’s okay. And yet I’m reeling guys in too, which feels gooooood.

Yesssss =) Whew. Revelling in this <3

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:27am
20: Starla says:

siren song, you seem so strong and amazing lately, with your main guy freaking out on you like that. how are you doing today?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:27am
21: ulii says:

Thanks for the article, Rori.
I feel anxiety all over me these days… So much, it’s really hard to sleep & have a normal life rythm & study… I post here again what I posted to the end of the last thread, in case someone might read & feel to comment:

778: ulii says:

hi sirens!

Today I’m feeling a total mess. Like I’m not ready to deal with the life that’s coming on my way.

NewZealandCD, with who I’m only in a online chat-relationship up to now, is asking me to go to see him. He would buy me the tickets to go & I could stay with him. As it’s really to go to the opposite part of the World, it would be few weeks minimum, maybe even over a month. I have said it would feel better for him to go to me, but he could not get away from the job until next autumn at least, while I’m kind of free after finishing my studies within a month. I have really started to like this guy, a lot (while I’m also CDing other guys in my town, but no special attraction to anyone these days).

Other thing is, my ex M is coming to visit me for a week. Starting tomorrow. And I’m kind of freaked out about it. I was waiting him to come so long, although right now I feel I don’t care anymore. (We are in different countries right now, after our break-up last summer we have seen us once in February, and everything is still unresolved). I feel I might accept getting back with him out of loneliness and fear. Or maybe I still do love him a bit. But I feel I don’t know what love is anymore.

I don’t know how to deal with this.

What should I do?! I really want to go To New Zealand. But I’m also afraid how it would turn out.
And I’d like to come to a solution with my ex which wouldn’t hurt anyone more it already has (our relationship ended as I was with somebody else, he’s still feeling hurt because of it.)

I would be grateful for any input from a fellow siren!

Thank you so much…

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:40am
22: Iamabutterfly says:

Epiphany – the more secure I feel in myself, the less I expect/need/want from my men. I feel relaxed and they feel relaxed, knowing that whatever they do is appreciated and whatever they don’t do is not a big deal.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:43am
23: lk says:

ooo buried treasure : ) lol

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:44am
24: CurvySiren10 says:

It’s all okay Starla. Feel what you need to feel. Say whatever the heck you need to say right here. I think I can speak for everyone and say that’s what we are all here for. You are doing amazingly well.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:46am
25: Iamabutterfly says:

@21 ulii – How far are you from New Zealand? Have you met this guy in person yet? Regardless of the answers to these questions, I wouldn’t visit him unless I had a friend or two come with me. This would take pressure off of the relationship during the trip, as well as keep you safe and entertained on your travels. What do you think?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:49am
26: Starla says:

Thank you, CurvySiren

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:51am
27: siren song says:

hey starla!

thanks for asking. CDing has been amazing. i have been out every night and leaning back like crazy…not an email, not a call initiated by me. feels awesome.

i’m being really honest with the guy who is angry about how i get that he’s feeling angry but i don’t want to feel attacked…he seems to be turning it around a bit…no weird emails today. and he said he wants to go to counselling so he can deal with his anger ‘and move forward with me’.

we’ll see.

i have let go of the outcome. it’s kind of crazy…i thought i was before, but i totally wasn’t at all. i was saying i was letting go, but doing it to control the outcome…does that make sense?

ha

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:00am
28: ulii says:

@25 Iamabutterfly

thank you for the response!
I am in Europe. It would be over 24 hours flight with changing planes somewhere in Asia to get to NZ.
I have not met him in person yet, but we have been chatting on and off since January, and I believe more or less he is how he shows himself.

I could not afford right now to buy the ticket myself as for a trip to go with my friends (although I would like it, of course). Nor would most of my friends, I think. NZ CD wouldn’t invite my friends I guess.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:02am
29: Starla says:

yes, i totally get what you mean by “letting go to control the outcome”
i think i’m still there. but i’m faking letting go until i make it:P

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:04am
30: Femininewoman says:

Ulii that is an imaginary situation as you have not met. I couldn’t handle long distance dating with maybe a once/twice a year hook up. I could only travel sucg distance to be with a spouse.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:06am
31: Emerson says:

Ulii
I feel worried about you going to stay with a man you have never met in person in a faraway country. If you could stay in a hotel nearby, that would sound safer to me. If he was weird or turned violent you would not be out on the streets….Either way sounds risky and scary. I would not recommend it.
Sorry to sound negative.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:07am
32: Emerson says:

Also, he may not even be the person in the pictures! You never know….

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:08am
33: Femininewoman says:

RE 32 – so true

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:09am
34: GivingGirl says:

@21 ulii

I agree with lamabutterfly. I wouldn’t want to go alone for safety reasons. You haven’t met him, so you just need to watch out for yourself.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:22am
35: GivingGirl says:

“So I keep myself in this fragile place emotionally because it keeps me feeling connected somehow, and allows me to act in ways where I get rejected and then I feel inadequate and wrong and unlovable.

Then I put up with things that I know I shouldn’t – but I also know that somehow I’m creating them because I’m more comfortable being rejected and trying to fight my way back in.”

I fear this may be what I do.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:34am
36: Femininewoman says:

by Dominique

Embracing life is to welcome all of it with love and open arms. Experiencing the deepest lows allows for the highest highs. You cannot know one without knowing the other.

An open heart has an inexhaustible capacity for love to flow in and out, but it also must make space for pain, hurt, and sadness to flow through just as readily.
Growing Through Hurt To Love

You grow through hurt; your heart, mind, and soul gain depth through pain.

http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/embrace-your-life-and-get-the-love-you-deserve/

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:47am
37: GivingGirl says:

When a guy is coming on strong and asking you a bunch of questions about yourself, do you just let him do his thing, or do you also ask him questions? Or is that masculine?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:53am
38: Iamabutterfly says:

@36 FW – Thanks for sharing that. Great prose, Dominique! I feel so enlightened reading it…feels good.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:54am
39: Iamabutterfly says:

@37 Giving Girl – I would just answer him in honest feeling messages. and tell him how his questions make you feel. “gosh, all these questions feel so strong and over-whelming and flattering (or too much, if that’s the case.” I don’t think it’s masculine to respond to his questions with questions about himself, but just mirror the types of things he asks you…I feel good that will keep the balance…

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:56am
40: Femininewoman says:

Discovering a more profound sense of my sensuality and my sexuality became my vehicle for working through my fears which led to an unveiling of a love for myself as well as a love for my man. I OPENED myself up in a way I’d never even imagined was possible. And in this I HEALED. And as I was doing this for myself, my relationship with my man turned into something SPECTACULAR.
http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/sex-and-heart/

Tip #2: You MUST start believing that you are enough for him.

In fact – that you’re more than plenty for him.

You do this by taking your mind and focus OFF of him.

Get involved in anything that feels good to you. Fill your life with all the feel good activities you can imagine, your work, your hobbies, or start new ones. Treat yourself really, really well be it a spa day or a luxurious bubble bath or a fancy bauble or a cheap trinket or whatever it is that makes you feel SENSUOUS and gorgeous, goddesslike.

And then you MUST keep telling yourself over and over again how fabulous you are.

It’s true anyway. You ARE fabulous!

Every time you pass a mirror, smile at yourself. Blow yourself a big kiss. Caress yourself.

It may feel strange at first. You may not believe yourself, but the more you do this, the more you will come to own this. You WILL believe how lucky your man is to have such an incredible woman in his life.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:56am
41: lk says:

thanks, fw : ) that feels good to read (((((femininewoman)))))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:59am
42: Femininewoman says:

GivingGirl if it is someone I have dated more than once I would ask questions too and let him know how naked, exposed or vulnerable the questions make me feel.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:00am
43: GivingGirl says:

@39 lamabutterfly

I tend to get nervous and I will answer his questions, but I don’t always think to question him back. For example, he asks what I do for a living and I tell him, but that’s it. I don’t bother asking him and it’s not that I don’t want to know, I’m just so nervous my mind kind of goes blank. I need to work on that.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:00am
44: GivingGirl says:

@42 Femininewoman

I was more referring to an initial meeting. A man you know nothing, or not much about.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:02am
45: GivingGirl says:

@40 Femininewoman

I love this and need to practice it more!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:05am
46: Femininewoman says:

GivingGirl depending on the question I tell him how I feel about the topic

H: What kind of job do you do

Me: I feel honored and challenged to work in the auto industry. How about you?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:14am
47: Starla says:

basically, i need constant reassurance. ((((((((starla))))))))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:24am
48: Iamabutterfly says:

@40 – Thanks, Feminine Woman! Beautiful. Brilliant.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:25am
49: Femininewoman says:

40 is Dominique’s writing. You can click on the link to read the whole thing.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:29am
50: Daria says:

im feeling a lot of anger after my interaction with NeighborCD yesterday and I can feel it iin my energy and responses to men in general

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:34am
51: Femininewoman says:

I also ask questions like “do you enjoy your job”? What do you do for fun? If he says he likes traveling I ask what is the most memorable trip he took.

Complementing a man’s watch/electronic gadget, shoes, tie usually opens them up and get them talking about themselves.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:34am
52: Daria says:

im feeling “annoyed’ and ‘cant be bothered’ with all of them

i would label this ‘anxiety’

so now waht

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:37am
53: Mochaberri says:

((((((((((((((((((Starla)))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are doing great with your healing!!!!

You give me inspiration to heal my issues with KR which is dead on in this artilce – anxiety that I experience more than I can imagine.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:41am
54: Mochaberri says:

((((((((((((((((((Starla)))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are doing great with your healing!!!!

You give me inspiration to heal my issues with KR which is dead on in this artilce – anxiety that I experience more than I can imagine.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:41am
55: Mochaberri says:

How can I have an open herat when I’m experiencing anxiety??
Or is that even possible?

Any suggestions on how to keep my heart open

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:43am
56: Iamabutterfly says:

@43 Giving Girl – I understand. I can be the same way. I find that the more I practice listening at Level 2 with guys, the easier it is for me to feel curious about them and ask them related questions. Good luck!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:43am
57: Femininewoman says:

Mochaberri I go around thinking of my heart with a light in a plastic ziplock bag. As I go through especially when I expect to interact with some one I want to connect with, I think of unzippering the bag and allowing my heartto breathe as I imagine the light shining through and flickering as if communicating with the other person’s heart.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:53am
58: Starla says:

aaauuughhhh i feel so stagnant, f*ck this! going to move a bit and walk to lunch.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:59am
59: Dominique says:

Thank you Femininewoman – Sending love and big, big hugs, as well as some extra finger healing energy.

xxoo

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:00pm
60: Daria says:

i feel so mad and sad

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:02pm
61: Daria says:

ohh im doing the Star supernova tool from love scripts

i get it, ive been depressing my emotions

let them fleow!

ooh! i feel relief!

i feel pounding heart

i feel powerful

i feel ouchie

i feel pain

i feel sadness

i feel disappointment

i feel anger

mmm

i CAN handle all these feelings

im a bursting star!

with magma star lava

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:05pm
62: Dominique says:

Mochaberri – Yes it is possible to keep an open heart and feel anxiety, anger, hate even. Not so easy though. It’s a process like anything else.

What works for me is being aware of the anxiety, fear, anger, whatever negative feeling; feeling it, and then actively put a brake on it, and feel into my heart, deep into my heart where love always resides.

It may pop back into the negative feelings again, and this is okay. Do it again, and again and again and again.

xxoo

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:05pm
63: Daria says:

i feel amused smiling happy!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:06pm
64: Daria says:

Mochaberry I am doing it right now with the Star tool

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:07pm
65: Daria says:

i feel so excited that this is working for me!

omg!

my heart felt pained and nwo im feeling FREE and open again! weeeeeeeheee

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:10pm
66: lk says:

happy happy happy i feel

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:11pm
67: lk says:

(((Daria)))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:12pm
68: Daria says:

I personally don’t ask questions just remain open and feeling messages

when i do ask, i want to make sure im coming from a curious, and not evaluative: does he fit into my plan for life – energy

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:16pm
69: Daria says:

thanks LK

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:19pm
70: Daria says:

all the previously ‘jerky’ cuties are coming around now and wanting to see me yay!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:36pm
71: Daria says:

And im way less stressed now that i AM answering texts and not rolling my eyes at every text i get and ignoring it

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:38pm
72: Starla says:

hmph, pout.
i love me
and i deserve to have big love in my life!
*pout*
*crosses arms*
*stomps feet*

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:40pm
73: GivingGirl says:

@46 Femininewoman

You sound so cool and collected. I’m just a nervous mess.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:42pm
74: Starla says:

hurtinghurtinghurting
that’s okay

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:44pm
75: Starla says:

(thank you everyone for your supportive comments to me, too)

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:44pm
76: Slippin' Goddess says:

Right ok.. so new dilemma haha

Everything was going fine today..

until my bf suddenly asked me about a mans name?

Appraently he’d seen on my facebook that he’d writeen on my wall but I’d deleted it..

The guy was someone who my friend knows who was out one weekend when I was and he’d strangely wrote on my facebook wall asking when we were all going out again.. It was harmless but it looked bad so I deleted it..

Well I tried to explain this to my bf but he now seems to think Ive een up to something when I clearly havnt..

He’s having none of it and has told me to leave him alone for a bit..

So I said fine..

I’m not too upset over this as I know I havnt done anything wrong but can you give any advice on what I should say/do next as I dont want to leave him stressing over nothing..

It’s silly really..

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:47pm
77: Starla says:

i am just not okay. thursday seems to be my “not okay” day. i wonder why that is.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:50pm
78: Slippin' Goddess says:

..Im actually now thinking maybe this has been playing no his mind all week and maybe thats why he hasnt been sending the nice texts aswell.. hmmm

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:51pm
79: Radlove says:

Daria,

It feels so freeing and empowering to just flow in feelings! I feel fully woman when I feel, and I operate in my every day life with so much more purpose and power! I love to let go of boy energy and just feel who i am and what I need to do.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:52pm
80: Femininewoman says:

GG you are not. I believe you just need to stay aware. Also talking to yourself helps, “what am I feeling”?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:53pm
81: Turquoise says:

Starla… What really helps get your mind off men/cf? How about a new piece of furniture? If he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist right? When I feel obsessive, I get lost in a project, movie, a book, work, just something to shift my energy. Eventually…. I realize more and more time has passed without me feeling awful, and it starts to get easier! Hugs!!!!!! I know it’s hard.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:53pm
82: Starla says:

Thank you, Turquoise! What makes it hard is being stuck at the work desk here in the office. Otherwise, the energy moves out of me.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:58pm
83: Daria says:

wow the cuties are also smart!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:01pm
84: GivingGirl says:

@51 Femininewoman

Yes, I noticed he wasn’t really talking about himself. After I answered his question of things I like to do, I said, how about you? (This was the only question I asked him). He replied, with each thing I said and said, yea, that’s ok or I like that, but didn’t elaborate on his own things. He likes hockey, I know that cause it was on the TV. And he read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for his job, but that’s pretty much all he said about himself.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:03pm
85: GivingGirl says:

I decided I want to have a party soon. I sent a message to Mr. Observant and asked for his email for the evite. He always comes to my parties with my other friends, so I figured I would invite him for real.

He replied, Thanks for thinking of me. (email address)

He seems so nice.

BoatGuy is still just being random.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:06pm
86: Daria says:

Slippin Goddess – actually , he has YOU stressin over nothing

you deserve to be instantly believed and you deserve to do waht you want to do and have anyone write on your wall!

i feel angry for you , i would want to be on a pedestal treated royally

its great that your man is sharing his anger and it Doesnt feel good to be treated that way

id love to in your situation keep my focus on me instead of going over into his head and feelings and mommying him

i feel angry! i feel bad! i dont want to feel this way

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:06pm
87: GivingGirl says:

Thank you, lamabutterfly!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:08pm
88: Daria says:

i feel so mad about this… and i feel all desperate like something is slipping through my fingers

i feel shaky

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:08pm
89: Daria says:

thank you for being honest, and i want to honor your anger, and this feels bad… i dotn want to be treated this way

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:10pm
90: GivingGirl says:

@68 Daria

Good point. Curious, not evaluating.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:10pm
91: Slippin' Goddess says:

Ahh I wish Id have read your comment a few minutes earlier Daria, you’re right..

I sent him a message saying “I dont want you stressing in work. Just so you know theres no need to.. You can trust me..”

Mommying him like you said I guess..
If he just ignores me now then that is probably going to make me angry.. and I havnt done anything! haha
but then I would probably be funny in his situation and jump to conclusions.. So I’ve got to look at it from both sides I guess?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:14pm
92: GivingGirl says:

Slippin Goddess

That is tough. In my experience, if you don’t defend yourself, it may seem like you are guilty, but if you defend yourself too much, it will seem like you are guilty too. So, find a middle ground to let him know there’s nothing going on, but don’t be too worried about it that it comes off as covering up something.

I had a similar situation with BoatGuy and he avoided it, didn’t want to talk about it, and it made him look guilty. Now that I am aware he runs away from the first sign of conflict, I see it may not have been anything. So, play it cool and he’ll see that you mean what you say. Just be honest and forthcoming and he’ll be able to read that.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:16pm
93: GivingGirl says:

@80 Femininewoman

Oh, I am. I feel myself tensing up and holding my breath. My mind freaks out a little. I’m not sure if that’s how I come off to him, but that’s what I feel inside. I do talk and my voice is not quivering or anything, but I feel like a mess.

I do need to stay more aware and not so much in my head with my racing thoughts.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:18pm
94: lk says:

i’m all…. virtual & 2-Dimensional now : ) lol

& i updated another picture & it makes me feel like i’m…. Modern & ……. like there is paparazzi LOL : ))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:18pm
95: GivingGirl says:

@82 Starla

I find work to be the hardest too. At least at home I can find enjoyable things easier. Work is a bore and I can’t get lost in it.

You are doing so well though. It’s ok to have an off day. You can take care of you better when work is over.

((((Starla))))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:20pm
96: Starla says:

maybe i can just start planning thursday as my depressive day.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:26pm
97: Daria says:

(((lk))) your picture reminds me of me! yay that feels nice

im giving myself a compliment and you too heheh yess easy!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:28pm
98: Slippin' Goddess says:

Now I am starting to feel upset and angry seen as hes ignoring me..

arghh! Men!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:32pm
99: Daria says:

Slippin Goddess – I don’t have to look at it from both sides, or be ‘understanding’

all I gotta do is stay focused on my feelings. I can trust your feelings. they have already included and taken in consideration ‘his side’ too…

i can shift my perspective too

like yay, this is actually a GOOD thing that he’s stressing this way, it helps him get closer to how much he wants me

and my anxiety is GOOD , just like in Rori’s article

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:34pm
100: Radlove says:

I am procrastinating. I don’t want to do what I need to do. Lil girl, you can slow down the task and make it a romantic, taking care of yourself task.

OK.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:35pm
101: Daria says:

Radlove – ooohhh i love that, slow down the task and make it romantic… i love when ive been doing that! it feels so good to see the way you wrote it out!! Thank you…

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:36pm
102: Jessie1000 says:

Slippin Goddess
I would be like ….ohhhh your jealous! U like me? What Im not allowed to have friends? Ohhh this is fun! When you are jealous over my friends then I feel so good! Oh are your feelings for me making you get paranoid? lol
I always tell me Beau that he is paranoid and its so fun when he tells me that he wants me all to himself…lol
Dont defend unless you got a ring on your finger…
In fact, my Beau the other day tried to give me a car so I could give back my expensive lease and I teased him and said….oh your not my husband so I cant take that stuff from you….
his reaction?
I am too lol
I still didnt take the car….because he has to pop the question before I take on any kind of ties with any man…lol

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:41pm
103: Daria says:

i got SO many men and 3 that i would feel all cool being seen with hehehehehe

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:43pm
104: Daria says:

Jessie – i would so take the car! that is a gift not a tie!

receiving receiving

mm i ‘rejected’ a car offer once too and caught myself and took it back

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:45pm
105: Jessie1000 says:

Thinking about anxiety…I actually get extreme anxiety when leaning back…terrible
I hate it what my mind goes through and at first when I started the Rori tools, it was so profoundly painful that I thought I would never put them into practice…but now, after some positive feedback from guys about how different I am now and different I am from other girls, and seeing them come back even when i dropped away cause they bugged me….
the anxiety has lessened alot and when I get my WAY! omg I feel so good and so relaxed~
My way means, they come to me, they text me off the hook, they talk about commitment when I dont even whisper it….so I feel for once that Im not controlling things but good is still happening
and im much sexier to myself and them when i dont overfunction….passion is around all the time….so
be aware that the anxiety may be very intense when changing things at first….but wait and let the universe surprise you with goodness! and see how much people like you without you lifting a finger!!!!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:45pm
106: Daria says:

heee + i felt connected to one of the fly ones, AND to antoher that is also kinda fly and down to earth

AND its all cuz of the shift in ME! i know how to answer them now while keeping myself on the pedestal and also opening up

sigh

mmm

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:47pm
107: GivingGirl says:

@105 Jessie

Reading that felt so nice and encouraging!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:48pm
108: Jessie1000 says:

Daria…lol, It was so flattering when he offered the car…he sells cars for a living and it bothers him that I have an expensive lease when he could just give me one for free…
But i want him…not a car
I want him to marry me or at least Want to marry me
I think he is avoiding saying that he wants me flat out by offering the car instead
Is it easier for men to offer money or things than really speak their feelings….?
I want him to say he loves me and he wants to be forever…..with me….
(even though half the time i get really terrified of it but it is still nice when they say it …even if I am an emotional basket case….lol)
What do I do about that one–Daria?
Can u think of a feeling message for me that I might spit out….?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:49pm
109: Jessie1000 says:

Hugs Giving Girl
I wish it wasnt such a painful process….
I didnt even know I was so insecure until I tried something new
I didnt even think that my way with men might be backfiring….
I hope you get through it all honey cause its a process….

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:52pm
110: Slippin' Goddess says:

@ Daria

“this is actually a GOOD thing that he’s stressing this way, it helps him get closer to how much he wants me”

If thats true, then I like that!

haha It makes me feel good, thanks

@Jessie1000

I like your vibe! Thankyou

He’s just ignored me though since telling me to leave him alone a few hours ago..

I dont take well to being ignored

Its funny Ive leaned back and just been relaxed all day and hes been practically begging for me to go down..
Funny how quick things can switch..

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:54pm
111: GivingGirl says:

@ Jessie

That’s the hardest part to get them to speak their feelings. Sigh

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:55pm
112: Jessie1000 says:

Ohh starla…that sucks when you said you plan for thursday as a depressive day…lol
I just fell asleep in a committee meeting at school and the girl beside me kicked my chair and coughed lol
when they adjourned the meeting I said praise the lord and ran out of the room…it was so freaking boring….
maybe you are just a genius and you get bored with ur job?
sorry to hear that and I hope you feel better soon…working while having men troubles is so extremely difficult….

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:56pm
113: Daria says:

im his anchor

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:57pm
114: Daria says:

yay jessie

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:57pm
115: Starla says:

jessie (and everyone, really), your posts always make me feel brighter:)

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:59pm
116: Slippin' Goddess says:

Mine gave me a flash car to use aswell.. We kinda share it but I have it most and he lives over an hour away so its practically mine..
Pays a rediculous amount on insurance aswell having me on there..
Bless him..

Anyways.. back to hating on him.. ignorant twit

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:59pm
117: Daria says:

Jessie – i would accept the car, maybe his love language is gifts and your is words of appreciation (so is mine)

then when he gives it to you and you RECEIVE it, he falls even MORE in love with you and you will get more of what you want

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:01pm
118: Jessie1000 says:

Me and my beau have been sleeping together now…no sex but he stays the night in my house now….
it seems to have slowed down our ability to talk for some reason
why is that?
I guess before it was a very emotional situation but now it seems like the physical is so lovely but now I think….that he thinks he can SHOW me instead of speaking to me…yuck
but he does give good hugs and is very respectful and the extra time alone makes me feel very secure and he kicked me off POF and had a fit about it
Like a big fit ….lol and said that he was super serious and didnt want me to see anyone else….so here is where i sit…

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:01pm
119: Daria says:

not accepting the car seems to come with a judgement that he’s offering a car INSTEAD of himself and he probably won’t feel seen or appreciated in that energy space

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:02pm
120: Daria says:

Jessie – it sounds like its time for the no Gf speech… he’s asking for exclusivity and not offering commitment…

here comes NO GF speech yay!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:04pm
121: Slippin' Goddess says:

What if you became their girlfriend before you knew about the ‘no gf’ speech? haha

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:07pm
122: Daria says:

Slippin Goddess – yes, thats how it works from rori, when we lean back they figure it out themselves how much they want us… and their getting angry over other men is GOOD! that really gets them clear on how much they love us

this is a great opp for you too to notice your feelings – your anger is always proportional to how much you ‘invested’ leaned forward in the relationship

if you no lean forward… you won’t feel so angry!

now that you did… you DO feel angry!

oops!

and its ok (((Slippin Goddess)))

just experimenting!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:07pm
123: Sun Goddess says:

I leaned way forward with music man today. His being quiet was driving me crazy. I invited him to take tomorrow off and he was all excited sounding but he doesn’t have any days left, so I guessing I am going into work tomorrow…boo!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:10pm
124: Daria says:

Slippin Goddess – then you find yourself in the gf trap!

and your man (most commonly) will stagnate the relationship and you’ll have to give the no gf speech i want to be married anyway

if its progressing towards marriage at a pace your comfortable with, then you can continue exclusivity for maybe 3 to 6 months (before he proposes, and if he doesn’t no gf speech)

also share w the man that you want to be married and a mother (if thats true) and what YOU want for your happily ever after – and FIRST… you want to IMAGINE and get aquianted with your happily ever after

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:10pm
125: Daria says:

(((Sun Goddess)))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:11pm
126: Slippin' Goddess says:

That makes perfect sense.. So true!

Daria.. you’re ace! ..your words and advice make me feel SO much better.. always!

Any suggestions on what to do now?
Leave him and just ignore back now.. or send a feeling message before bed?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:13pm
127: Daria says:

sooo many guys are wanting to see me today WEEE

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:14pm
128: ulii says:

Thank you Femininewoman, Emerson, Iamabutterfly, GivingGirl for your comments and worrying for my safety!! It makes me feel looked after & good!

I don’t really believe there is a safety issue with this guy. Believe me, I have been quite a traveler already.. and done many things that have been crazier considering safety: hitch-hiking all over Europe with friends & alone, walking hundreds of kilometers pilgrimage roads all by myself & took a plane to go to see a lover, who did seem suspicious (at the end he was ok, just that this only physical adventure wouldn’t be what i wanted after all)…

With NewZealandCD, although I have not seen him in person, I have seen his childhood & family pictures.. We have been talking a lot during many months. Also by skype. And I feel he is safe. What worries me, is if the real attraction would be there and if I’d stay in his house, how it would affect the dating life (he has offered me a room of my own). We both agree we have to see each other, before we can say there’s something real. But there has been talking of marriage & children etc. So for me, the question is, do I even start this adventure by accepting the invitation. I might consider staying in a hostel first days, to see how it’s going. He is from Europe too and planning to come back within a year, so i guess there’s no problem in that we would return at some point, if we’d be together.

And if it doesn’t work out, I could stay there for my own reasons too. I am actually considering going some foreign country again, far & totally different from where I have been living before. Find work there etc. And eventually return to Europe within a year or two.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:15pm
129: Daria says:

Slippin Goddess – ohhhh this is your opportunity to experiment with shifting the energy… whats cool is that no matter how much you ‘messed up’ leaning forward etc, as soon as YOU actually switch your vibe to leaning back, the energy ON ITS OWN rights iteself and the connection feels good again (even froma distance)

so now, I would experiment with this leaning back… def no more contacting him… and Choose the belief that this is GOOD! and healing and will bring you closer together that he’s all mad and grumbly and to himself, and also that you’re feeling anxious (as per Rori’s article)

and NOW… REALLY LEAN BACK… by putting your attention out the window, and behaving lke this man does NOT exist (unless he’s in front of your face) and doing NICE STUFF FOR YOU!

Be his Anchor!

you be you, in your space, as he drifts away from you, you remain solid, stable, yet deep in your goddess space, and he will be anchored to you and come back to you refreshed and recharged!

(ps be aware that he may come back spewing anger at you, you want to facilitate that : “oh thatnk you for letting me knwo how you feel I hear that you’re angry, thank you for being honest with me… (AND IF IT FEELS BAD: and this feels bad, i don’t want to be talked to this way, im gonna go now (if it doesnt shift to better after the first ‘i feel bad’))

and wow! the whole relationship can shift forever to wonderful from thereon!

and remember… its just practice !

you always get another chance to experiment again

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:19pm
130: Daria says:

if hearing his anger feels good and you’re not feeling bad/blamed/attacked : “i feel so honored that you’re sharing this with me, it feels so good taht we can talk about this… i so appreciate feeling connected to you this way, this feels deep and cool, etc”

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:21pm
131: Femininewoman says:

GGirl I say again I don’t believe you are a mess. Those are your feelings. It seems to me you are talking bad to yourself.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:21pm
132: Daria says:

ulii – i would not go stay in his house… that would be the ultimate gf trap… i forgot why he’s not visiting you instead (work?) … i would let him visit, OR ask him to book you a hotel room for you to stay in (he might not want to but oh well)

circular date men around you! that you can see face to face… get a chance to practice the tools live on many many men! and i mean more than 10, something like hundreds! then you get your RELATIONAL SKILLS up to par to have a great relationship with a man who wants you

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:30pm
133: Slippin' Goddess says:

Perfect Daria, thank you so much!
You’re advice makes so much sense!

I bet Rori’s proud of you!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:35pm
134: Daria says:

thanks Slippin Goddess … i feel all smily!

I bet she is too!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:39pm
135: Daria says:

this guy is wanting to ‘help me’ with my artist career and i feel all steamroolled
i want to receive and if eel terrified
i mean potentially if i can see it as good thing this can be good!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:47pm
136: Daria says:

this older than me man, 49, has been pursuing me on this site for EVER and i havent really given him any attention but lately i started to a bit and nwo he wants to see me heheh so cute

also neighbor cd is like 41 or 42 i think

go me! i got em from 18 to 49

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:49pm
137: Starla says:

i am actually feeling an urgency to try to contact CF! wow! I wonder how long I will feel this for. Don’t worry, though, I shant.

Maybe I should create a Challenge for myself, like Lizka. The “get over CF” challenge. Yesterday was day 1 and I did a good job:). I worked on my translation blog and cried for the first time at therapy and learned about how it’s perfectly normal to be a total wreck for a month or two after getting your heart broken. I cooked myself food and took care of me.

Today I’m going to the gym:)

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:12pm
138: Starla says:

And I’m going to go home and luxuriate in the shower and straighten my hair in the morning and get really gussied up for a date tomorrow night.

Alaska is my “date” but he’s also in friend territory, because *I* put him there, so as not to move too fast with a rebound.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:15pm
139: Femininewoman says:

Any news from Kenya?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:22pm
140: Starla says:

I also stuck him in the friend zone cuz he needs to earn anything more. I used to date him and it felt awful. Being buddies feels better, although I can definitely soak up his romantic energy and it’s nice that he pays for things sometimes:). And I can practice being a rockstar on him.

He’s basically my big experiment. And I appreciate what he is bringing to my life right now.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:22pm
141: Starla says:

Kenya hits me up from time to time for drinks but never when I’m free. He last said, “Dang, girl, I’m gonna need to make an appointment with you.”

yep!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:23pm
142: Femininewoman says:

I am feeling profoundly proficient, proud of myself and all smiley at how good I am doing now feeding myself with my left hand.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:25pm
143: Femininewoman says:

Sweet

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:27pm
144: GivingGirl says:

@128 ulii

You are much braver than I! It is a tough decision. I would agree with not staying with him the first night. What if things don’t seem right? It’s best to have an out just in case.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:39pm
145: GivingGirl says:

@Daria

Reading your advice always feels good.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:40pm
146: GivingGirl says:

@131 FW

Thank you! Yes, I can be harsh with myself.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:45pm
147: GivingGirl says:

@142 FW

That’s good to hear. I hope you’re healing up fast.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:48pm
148: Sun Goddess says:

Yeah, music man is trying to see me tonight now!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:52pm
149: Daria says:

wow! while i was in the shower Getright man called AND LEFT A VOICEMAIL!!! to call him back wow!

he sounded drunk tho

and … Neighbor CD has been texting me! i haven’t answered

and now i gota smoke meeting coming up with that one older guy

yay!

i love hanging out with guys i thought were ‘creepy’ (i used to thnk that of Neighbor CD) it really helps me grow my truth telling and perception shift skills!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:54pm
150: Daria says:

nieghbor cd is crakin jokes and complimenting me! on text wtf lol im looling

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:58pm
151: Lucy says:

How am I always the last to know when there is a new post?

I read all the comments – Sending love and hugs to everyone. <3

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:59pm
152: GivingGirl says:

I’m so used to overfunctioning & leaning forward, I’m not feeling confident as to what I should & shouldn’t do to not do those things.

Do you think I should reply to Mr. Observant’s message or do I not have to? Cause I feel like I should, but I’m not sure if I should. I don’t want to be rude though.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:06pm
153: Daria says:

Thanks Giving Girl! that feels lovely to read

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:17pm
154: Daria says:

Giving Girl – rule of thumb is to let the man have the last word…

what are you replying about?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:18pm
155: GivingGirl says:

@154 Daria

Then I should leave it be.

I messaged him on FB asking for his email for an evite. My friend usually brings him along, so I thought I would invite him this time.

He replied with his email & said “thanks for thinking of me.”

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:24pm
156: Jessie1000 says:

daria…im afraid its worse than that….hes offering commitment but i shut him down so many times and got so so freaked out that i think he stoppped…
he showed up with a “surprise” had an obvious ring box in his pocket, then he asked me if i really liked gold or not (since i wear alot of silver) lol
and i told him i hate jewelllery and that I throw it out….he looked so sad
I asked him later about his surprise and he said he didnt have one….poor thing
im so afraid to get married again
so I frigged it all up and now
instead of trying to convince me (lol who would???)
i think hes trying a round about way
like buy me off
or something else
lol
im so so so afraid to be in love
or make promises
or live together
omg
and now we almost live together
it makes me feel like im stuck in an elevator
and the ceiling is crushing me at the same time
and my jeans are too tight
omg
terrible feeling lol

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:24pm
157: Lucy says:

My guy and I always get along better when we are broken up…. am feeling soft and loving and tender toward him. I wonder if there is a way to carry this into a relationship…..

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:53pm
158: Daria says:

Jessie – sounds like it might benefit to imagine your forever after… what that would look like for you… and pick some images from it to immerse yourself in the feeling of them

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:56pm
159: Daria says:

GivingGirl – personally i WOULD respond with a “:)”

or a “sure ”

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:57pm
160: GivingGirl says:

Awww (((Lucy)))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:05pm
161: GivingGirl says:

Thanks, Daria.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:06pm
162: GivingGirl says:

His reply just feels so sweet to me…made me smile.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:07pm
163: Daria says:

heee this exciting sounding guy asked me out for Sunday all manly and decisive like yay

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:11pm
164: Daria says:

Giving Girl – then how about “aww that feels so sweet i feel smily”

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:12pm
165: GivingGirl says:

@Daria

Yay for you.

I replied, Sure

I don’t want to be too friendly cause he’s going through a divorce & I’d rather wait till it’s final.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:15pm
166: Radlove says:

{{{Jessie}}},

156 – Perfect love casts out fear. Baby step by baby step, I hope you can let down the walls of fear and let in his love.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:56pm
167: Radlove says:

{{{Lucy}}},

I am thinking about you. Everything will work out as it should. We should get together soon. I miss you.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:58pm
168: Radlove says:

I got the basics done that I needed to today. My friend, Cassandre, gave me a whole carload of stuff to sell at a flea market. It helped her by getting rid of it easily, and it helped me immensely, because I got the pick of it for free, and I get to sell some.

So instead of trying to do it all which was more than I could handle in one day, I just kept it simple and got the flea market stuff sorted. I still need to take photos of the more valuable stuff and put it online to sell. If it doesn’t sell there, I’ll take it to the flea market.

I am really excited about going to the flea market. It is one of the few times I will get out in my new neighborhood. I look forward to dolling up and meeting new people…maybe some men?!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:02pm
169: Radlove says:

I’m applying for a lot of jobs, some with pharmaceutical companies, and some with human services organizations. Today I applied to be an addictions counselor. i would really be good at that.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:04pm
170: Lucy says:

Radlove, the addictions counselor job sounds awesome! I would like that too – and I agree you would be great at it!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:24pm
171: Brandylion says:

Oh sirens, I feel so amused! A college-age guy struck up a conversation with me on OkCupid. This morning his message said that he runs about 4 miles max. This afternoon another message said he might try to run the same marathon I’m doing in 3.5 weeks as preparation for a wrestling event at the end of May.

I kind of want to pinch his cheeks and say, “Oh look how cute you are, trying to impress me with your manly prowess!” Except I am just SMH–I don’t think he realizes yet that I’ve been training for this since January! LOL!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:33pm
172: Turquoise says:

http://thejourneymag.com/. Girls! Look at what I am going to!!!!!! Whooo hoo!!!!!!!! So excited! I love what’s coming into my life!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:35pm
173: Starla says:

yessss my workout felt great
It is such a great outlet for me

we BOXED! my knuckles are all so bloody but I feel proud of my toughness. I didn’t know I could box!!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:56pm
174: GingerSky says:

lk, what a beautiful picture!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 7:08pm
175: Starla says:

i want to do a big change to my hair color, but i feel scared and unsure of what to do. I want something dark, i believe.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 7:20pm
176: Starla says:

I’ve been thinking about Lizka all day and how she is my inspiration to focus on myself and take care of me and lean back:)

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:04pm
177: Coco Kisses says:

((((((((((starla)))))))))))
I understand how u feel, last night i cried so hard u would have thought domebody died. It felt good tjough to release the negative feelings…i too am embracing every emotion that comes with divorce and allowing myself to be vulnerable..lately i have been feeling angry

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:35pm
178: Starla says:

((((((((((((((coco kisses)))))))))))))))))))))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:50pm
179: Turquoise says:

(((((Starla))))) and (((((coco kisses)))))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:04pm
180: Starla says:

dark dark brown it is
+grey contacts
=============
will be my reward in a few weeks if i keep up with my fitness plan:)

i feel soooo excited for a drastic, fun change that i can wear around without feeling self conscious about being too ‘out there’.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:19pm
181: Starla says:

I feel so curious if I will feel any different when I have my bikini body and new hair and whitened teeth and maybe even nicer skin.

Speaking of, has anyone here had any experience with peels for the face? A dermatologist recommended them to me, but she was pretty coked up and freaked me out…seriously…

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 9:55pm
182: Starla says:

i never really concerned myself extensively with this vanity stuff beyond clothes and makeup and my hair. When I was a kid, I was picked on for being “ugly,” and now that I’m older and people instead tell me they find me beautiful… So I feel curious about, as opposed to cornered into, making myself over as much as possible, just to see what it feels like.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:07pm
183: Dominique says:

Starla – It depends on many things, your skin type, what issues if any you have with it, what type of peel, what you are looking to achieve…and so on.

Why do you want to do a peel?

xxoo

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:09pm
184: Starla says:

Hey Dominique:). Because i have enlarged pores and scarring from acne. i still have a little acne, but it’s the old marks that are making my skin look worse than it actually is. It also makes it hard to wear any sort of believable face makeup, since the texture of my skin is a dead giveaway that I’ve caked makeup on it. What do you think?

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:13pm
185: Radiant Rising says:

Hi Starla,

I actually started to get facial extractions and peels starting at the age of 27 (34 now) and my skin is awesome now. I used to suffer from terrible horrible acne. Right now I am working at the spa where I fixed my skin because the owner of it was my esthetician and she and I became very good friends. Just today a client walked in and said I had beautiful skin! She asked my friend/esthetician/boss what my secret was. I simply said it was her! So the point is, getting professional skin care and peels gives your skin a great healing boost that it deserves.

I got extractions, and enzyme peels, like pomegranite peels, and later worked up to a strong vitamin a purity peels. These are all from the Cosmedix brand. In conjunction I also used the products she recommended (from the same brand company) for my skin type, as well as a huge change in diet. My diet changed to 60 to 70 percent raw fruits and vegetables (eating fruits on an empty stomach) and brown rice, seiten (wheat meat) and fish. The more anti-inflammatory the better. So yes, I had great experiences with enzyme as well as chemical peels. Hope that helped some.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:14pm
186: Dominique says:

Starla – I’m not a big fan of extractions, sorry Radiant, unless there is cyst or there are blackheads or whiteheads trapped in the skin, and even then you need someone with great experience, so your skin is not damaged.

Microdermabrasion would be good for the pitting and scarring, and I would start with lactic acid peel, see how you do, then try salicylic acid peels, the glycolic. The latter two come in varying strengths and also combined (alpha/beta peel). Start slowly. All are good peels, but be aware of excessive itching, stinging, burning, redness.

Lactic acid is the most gentle and can be used daily. The others require more care.

Let me know if you have more questions.

xxoo

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:28pm
187: Starla says:

Wow Radiant, I feel very happy for you and your positive experience!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:33pm
188: Radiant Rising says:

Hi Dominique,

extractions were for me because I did have cystic acne. My post was outlining my experience, not saying Starla should get them. If and when she decides to see a professional they will analyze her skin and let her know what treatment she needs, which is not always extractions. I just wanted to let her know that I have had experience with it professionally and they have done wonders for my skin. There are lots of options. Thank you.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:35pm
189: Radiant Rising says:

Thanks Starla There are tons of options!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:37pm
190: Starla says:

Thank you to both of you for all this information!!

I think I know just what to do now:) I feel excited.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:43pm
191: Dominique says:

Yes Radiant, I understand, and I too feel good knowing you had a positive experience.

xxoo

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:44pm
192: Radiant Rising says:

Thanks Dominique! I feel warm and gooey on the inside.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:48pm
193: Radlove says:

Starla,

RE: #181 – “Speaking of, has anyone here had any experience with peels for the face?”

I heard on TV that Kate’s secret for her glowing skin on the royal wedding is something she got from Camille:

Bee venom applied to the face like a mask!

I can’t imagine!

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:55pm
194: Radlove says:

P.S. They said some have even used snake venom.

Noway for me! Eating fruit is my number one facial treatment. It is good for cleaning teeth too!

When i was doing major amounts of fruit in the early 90s, I got my teeth cleaned. They asked how long it had been since I got them cleaned. I said 3-4 years, feeling embarraasssed.

They said 3-4 years??!! They have virtually no plaque! That was cuz of eating raw fruit. They didn’t believe me I don’t think .

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:01pm
195: Radlove says:

I’m watching Wild Russia on Animal Planet. I wish losing weight was as easy as hibernating 6 months like a bear, LOL. I want to be a bear.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:03pm
196: Radlove says:

Why do they think narrators for animal shows have to have a boring monotone and an English accent? LOL. I far prefer the enthusiasm of Steve Irwin on the Crocodile Hunter. The world lost a great asset when he went.

Brenda, go to sleep.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:04pm
197: Radlove says:

I’m glad I don’t live in the ocean tho. I would feel so scared and claustrophobic. I think best of all I would like to be myself.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:05pm
198: Radlove says:

I feel lonely. That’s why I don’t want to go to bed.

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:17pm
199: Daria says:

(((Brenda)))

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:33pm
200: Daria says:

have you tried those margaret lynch videos? they make me instanteneously HAPPY

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:34pm
201: Daria says:

it makes me feel closer to God

Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:35pm
202: Daria says:

hmm hypnosis i have feels so good… it feels really restful to me

also… my singing feels really emotional and moving

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:33am
203: Daria says:

talk to me blog

Daria I love how you are even when you are out the window around the men, and just enjoying your surroundings and not looking at him… and if he’s talking at him you can take him in at level 2 and 3

you are peace you are honor you are love you are healing you are freshness moisture nature joy

((Daria))

you are deep you are wave you are stirring you are mmmm

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:51am
204: Sirenity says:

Hi Daria , SINGING feels amazing to me. I have found it again after a ten year gap and found a new teacher. I sing classical. I love the emotional energy of singing. I love the feeling in my chest when i sing.

I am going to sing later today. My son has left and gone to his dad’s , Me and doggy here alone. Singing fills some of the emptiness.And I love the challenge of doing it really well. It feels joyous and I feel excited when i create lovely sounds.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:59am
205: Sirenity says:

I have a CD for the weekend with a short man (shorter than me) . Its great practice with receiving .He stepped up to drive 90 mins to me for lunch. We have quite a lot in common. I dont feel so attracted to him but he has a nice voice.

Those deep male voices thrill me. His isnt so deep.
I am more attracted to Baritone CD and we are talking about singing together soon.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 3:02am
206: Daria says:

(((Sirenity))) amazing… i sing something i call “heartsong” like Happy Feet the music

what is classical like ?

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 3:11am
207: Daria says:

it feels exciting to connect through singing here

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 3:12am
208: Sirenity says:

Classical feels very emotional . I am currently singing in German and French and despite the language or whether it is two hundred years old the FEELINGS are universal. Hearts soaring or breaking , sounds carrying the feelings. Its also an old fashioned “accomplishment and I feel connected to my grandmother and great grandmother when i do it.

Yours sounds FUN. I will check it out.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 3:35am
209: Daria says:

hehe Sirenity you can check it out when i record it… its just my personal singing i called it ‘heartsong’ myself inspired by the Happy Feet pinguin kids music

here’s a song healer lady that i first felt accepted to sing by:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6H75gcAlXg

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 3:53am
210: Sirenity says:

Love the water song.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:09am
211: Daria says:

im feeling inspired and checking out different types of tuning and discovering stuff about myself and my cultural music it feels … profound… deep… ancient soul(ing)

right now im feeling pulled in by this guy playing in this scale:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dsQ7vKHK-o

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:25am
212: Aurora Girl says:

Good morning Chickies….

well I’ll just jump right in….lots of anxiety and wanting to withdraw and old patterns last few days…

Sweety called me a name in jest, which I knew was derogatory. He thought it meant something else, which it didn’t. At first I let it go. Then I raised it briefly how I was surprised he used the word and again he said he wouldn’t call me any thing negative and that he was sure it meant something else. It bugged me so I looked it up to be sure. It wasn’t what he thought…it was indeed a yucky name.

So I let him know….”hey you might want to update your vocab” …..and that I don’t want to be described that way….and then I was neutral in my texts….”have a good day” type thing….but he sensed my discomfort……but made a stupid attempt to be funny to cover his own anxiousness which didn’t work….when he sensed I was just flat he opened it up again thru text, to which I responded but then he replied how awful he felt and how text wasn’t working……oh lovely little circle of confusion.

Silence on the front. I felt yucky.

But I just sat with my feelings and felt them.
It felt anxious like described above.
I just sent him a good night text saying I just felt numb. He replied he felt like crap.

Somehow this morning feels a bit lighter. But we’ll see. I don’t feel like driving there this weekend, but for the sake of growing and not giving up, I probably will.

Aurora

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:37am
213: Aurora Girl says:

I recalled some work that Gay and Katie Hendricks are doing around relationship processes and how to avoid old pit falls of resentment and anger…especially as the relationship moves from romance to what they call “the inevitable” when love and closeness raises up the unhealed and unresolved in our hearts……they just talk about it being a choice point when these things happen….

that if we with hold or withdraw or project we get the same old anger and resentment and often broken ties….,.

but if we stay open, wonder, allow things to reveal themselves and appreciate…..be open to growth….new things can happen….and it can be healthy and healing……

so I’m just trying to place my feet in the second direction…..toe by toe…….don’t have a clue what it will look like,…but trying to trust it……

just sharing….

xo
Aurora

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:41am
214: LoveAlways says:

Good morning Sirens:

Rori, I totally understand the anxiety Toni refers to! My relationship with CD assertive is basically over and I’m leaning back and he is not stepping forward. So it shall be. I am still anxious about what to do next, though. Then I realize, do nothing. All I can do is sink into my feelings. The anxiety does NOT feel good, and I have to work through it often, but I know that being in touch with my feelings is the best thing to do.

Finishing week 3 of just taking care of me and so far it’s going well. I’m going to listen to Targeting Mr. Right this weekend because in couple of weeks I’m going to update my online dating profile and start a whole new rotation of dating.

Still dating a few of my other CDs here and there, but no one is stepping up and I’m getting tired of being alone (indeed, I was actually alone while I was dating CD assertive, I realize that now).

I said before I wasn’t ready for marriage or happy ever after and needed time to think about it. Now I understand I wasn’t ready for marriage or a happy ever after with any of the current CDs I have!!! Yeah, that was a revelation. Nothing negative towards, them, because they each have a special connection with me, but I understand that it wasn’t the direction of my life that I was sure about – but the people I was considering sharing it with. It’s not about any man being wrong, it’s about the choices I made. For the ability to understand just that little bit, I am grateful.

Now how to get through this anxiety I’m feeling this morning . . .

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:49am
215: Daria says:

(((Aurora))) wow … feels deep… and in tune with this article… you are changing your patterns by remaining aware and choosing feeling messages and openness

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:50am
216: Aurora Girl says:

Love Always…

I found the Targeting Mr. Right Program very helpful……and it worked for me….lol now I’m trying to be in relationship with Mr. Right….. and there’s anxiety there too….but not so dark.

sending you good vibes….

xo
Aurora

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:51am
217: Daria says:

(((Love Always))) it sounds like you are doing well too… also very deep… also in tune with the article… wow… big ocean moving for the Sirens

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:52am
218: Aurora Girl says:

Hi Daria

Firstly thanking you for sharing you posts above and the reply to mine…and for your hugs….

oh boy there were times yesterday night when the nvs in my head were running rampant….mad, ready to run….scared…..I just let them flow but didn’t absorb any of it….didn’t latch on to any of it….just waited it out like a storm…..but from a safe and grounded place……

ironically there is strength in remaining open……wow it builds the self confidence….

and (I know I’ve said this before)

I just kept saying to myself….”what would love do”….even if I didn’t know the answer…..just saying it was like a mantra…..

xo

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:54am
219: LoveAlways says:

I’ve also been assessing my own Diva Dating rules. Feeling what feels right to me. It seems that more important than not calling or leaning forward is not being available. It feels better to not be available rather than to just lean back. This is keeping my “me time” to myself. Like when I’m working out, I cannot be reached for about two hours. I should not have to explain or detail why – it needs to be clear that I am not available at certain times because I’m doing my me stuff. I intend to increase these time periods to a nice healthy balance this time around and keep it place.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:00am
220: LoveAlways says:

Hi Daria!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:00am
221: Radlove says:

Daria,

RE: 199-201 – Thank you! No, I need to carve out some time for Margaret Lynch.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:06am
222: Daria says:

this feels so moving to me i cry … starts at 2:20

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BUSfsO-_Fw

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:06am
223: LoveAlways says:

Hi Aurora Girl

I listen to Targeting Mr. Right again and again from time to time. I’m now in the mood to script so that if CD assertive comes slinking back around I have the right scripts to express my feelings and keep him low in rotation. I don’t have Love Scripts for relationships, but since I am not involved with CD assertive anymore, figure the dating version should suite my purposes.

I’m currently listening to Commitment Blueprint (my absolute favorite Rori program), and started the week with Modern Siren.

Listening to Rori’s programs has now become part of my “me time.” I can talk about it with other women, but I see that in the end, many people don’t rely on the tools when the going gets tough. That’s why I keep them in my portable so that when I’m feeling stuff – like the anxiety now

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:06am
224: Daria says:

here’s a girl who looks like me and sounds like me with my accent doin her thing this feels so inspiring… so glad im into this tonite

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lu6aHkub4Uw&feature=related

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:07am
225: Daria says:

Radlove – what i like about the videos is that they’re like 15 min… and the tapping is only like 5 min of that… so i pop em in and shes talking and soon its time for tapping… its over so FAST! and instant feel better

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:09am
226: Radlove says:

Sirenity and Daria,

I attended a “Goddess for the Day” seminar once, and I participated in a workshop for healing sounds. As we harmonized and sang syllables together, I felt amazed at the power it had to bring out deep emotions. I found myself crying for no apparent reason. I would definitely enjoy exploring that more deeply again.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:10am
227: Daria says:

you probably dont have the videos downloaded but I will be putting them up to share w friends again soon and let u know

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:10am
228: Radlove says:

Daria,

225 – Cool, that makes it so much more doable.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:11am
229: lk says:

hi, aurora girl : )

love to you. it’s nice reading your perspective : ))

thank you!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 6:12am
230: Femininewoman says:

lk is that you in the pic?

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 6:43am
231: Jan says:

HI,
I woke up this morning feeling sick to my stomach, despairing, lonely, hurt. It has been two weeks since I started “leaning back” with my man of interest…and nothing except a few very generic friendly emails. One or two sentences.

I know that I am wanting to settle for crumbs here (as Rori would say). I don’t know how to stop. I mean, I understand intellectually. I can walk the walk– on paper. Just not in my heart.

The hardest thing is to just let this (probably imaginary) connection go. No commentary, no fight. I feel so miserable right now.

-Jan

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 6:58am
232: lk says:

it is me : )

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:18am
233: Starla says:

(((((((((((Jan)))))))))))
I’m right there with you. You sound good, though, in a way. Like you’re voting for yourself, even if it feels unnatural and lonely right now.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:21am
234: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel so good and secure today. I took really good care of myself last night, and spent some time alone. It felt sooooo good.

and lk, your new picture is gorgeous!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:26am
235: lk says:

oooh i just felt really nervous & got a wave of fear

i’m picturing how having an open heart lets the fear just pass

& make room for what comes next : )

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:27am
236: Starla says:

I am working from home today.
Bad office monkey didn’t want to come into the office.
I have a bad attitude, not a whole lot going on at work, an upset stomach, and free will. And I’m choosing to sit in bed all day.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:35am
237: lk says:

daria & sirenity, i’ve been singing too recently : ) makes me feel happy & rooted & expanded : )))

this is the song i was singing today : it’s called There Is So Much More by Brett Dennen :

When I heard the news, my heart fell on the floor.
I was on a plane on my way to Baltimore.
In these troubled times it’s hard enough as it is.
My soul has a known a better life than this.

I wonder how so many can be in so much pain,
while others don’t seem to feel a thing.
Then I curse my whiteness and I get so damn depressed.
In a world of suffering, why should I be so blessed?

I heard about a women who lives in Colorado.
She built a monument of sorts behind the garage door,
where everyday she prays for all whom are born
and all whose souls have passed on.
Sometimes my trouble gets so thick,
I can’t see how I’m gonna get through it.
But, then I’d rather be stuck up in a tree
then be tied to it.

There is so much more.

I don’t feel comfortable with the way my clothes fit.
I can’t get used to my body’s limits.
I got some fancy shoes to try and kick away these blues.
They cost a lot of money but they aren’t worth a thing.
I wanna free my feet from the broken glass and concrete.
I need to get out of this city.
Lay upon the ground stare a hole in the sky,
wondering where I go when I die.
…When I die.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:45am
238: lk says:

i love the idea of “personal singing”…. & “connecting” to ancient culture through accessing art traditions….

i remember a couple years ago i used to dress up & go outside with my jump-rope & ” dance ” & “do tricks” & Practice…. LOL & i felt that it was very Irish – i imagined myself dancing on the door, ringlets bouncing….. even though i was doing it to like… Aaliyah : )

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:58am
239: Femininewoman says:

lk you look beautiful

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:08am
240: Femininewoman says:

(((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))))))))

Welcome to the path many of us have walked. Don’t freak out, just rest assured you are enough for him. You might be able to inspire him if he sees you living a full blown happy life.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:11am
241: Coco Kisses says:

So Sirens,

I feel happy, because my husband called me today for what seemed like a innocent chit chat. I felt like he was missing me. We talked for like 2 hours about randomness and we laughed, it felt good. I was really missing just laughing and talking with him. I feel a bit apprehensive though, because I don’t want to read too much into this. At the end of our call, he said it was really good to talk to me, and he was going to come over on Sunday to visit, and so we can talk….also he mentioned he spoke to an old friend of his yesterday, who owes him some money, and he told me that he did not tell his friend that we were getting a divorce and that he was not living here at the house, because he did not trust his “friend”, because he thinks this guy is the type to come over and try to “get” with me or give me some comfort, and that if the guy comes over to bring the money, he asked me not to tell this guy that he is not living there……??? Any thoughts or comments on this call? I made sure to use lots of feeling messages, and I was very open, genuinely open? Let me know what you guys think, especially those who have been following my divorce drama

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:14am
242: Coco Kisses says:

((((Jan)))), I undersatnd what u are going through..just trust the process. It is hard at times,
……I have been bawling my eyes out this week, but it is a process that is necessary….I don’t know where I read this at, but it was a relationship book and it said something like doesn’t even nature teach us that men should chase a woman…the sperms chase and race for the egg, the egg isn’t chasing down sperm…..kind of a weird analygy, but it hits home and makes the point. You are a diamond. We all are, sometimes in our sad moments like this, we are so focused on the guy being the “prize” we forget that we are really the prize….do something good for yourself today, today I’m getting a pedicure

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:21am
243: Femininewoman says:

Coco it is a fear that men have. I would not dwell on it to dictate my actions. I would take it that he is still feeling attraction, wants to protect his territory and might need to feel competitive to change his actions towards you. If the opportunity aarises I would flirt as this is about lifting your vibe to feel like a prize. He will feel that and it could help him come to terms with how he truly feels about you.

I feel a bit tensed up in my stomach about him telling you what to do. However, if I were you my focus would be on feeling good and living my life. When he shows up be as warm, friendly, open and playful as much as you can muster. Keep turning your attention away from him. He was responding to how he was feeling in that moment and I believe will do the same when he sees you again.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:26am
244: Femininewoman says:

The crying helps to release stuck energy. Physically shaking yourself could help to do that too.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:29am
245: Coco Kisses says:

My boss is in a 5 year relationship, with a married man, everytime i see them together it triggers a lot of anger in me….then on top of that, she still sleeps with other men, her dysfunctional relationships make me feel disgusted and not want to be at work sometimes,especially while I’m dealing with my own realtionship crap with my husband. It feels YUCKY!!!While i am going through my own healing process, it just feels nasty to witness someone living in an eomtional cess pool. I know that my boss is a hurting woman. She has been divorced 3 times, and now she with a married man who has been stringing him along for 5 years (he’s been married for over 20 years)…….although he says he’s really getting a divorce this year. I have no words other than it feels yucky, it feels disgusting, and it’s hard to respect her as woman

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:29am
246: Coco Kisses says:

Thanks Feminine Woman…I will flirt and smile and laugh all day, who knows with all these sirens singing laley, I might have a glee moment of my own and break out into song and dance.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:33am
247: Femininewoman says:

Coco I appreciate how you feel about your boss but I have learned to ask myself where am I judging myself the way I am judging other people. It might also help to ask yourself if you have control issues around other people’s behavior. The feelings can be very instructive.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:40am
248: lk says:

((((Coco Kisses)))) i’m getting a pedicure today too : )

i like your description of us as the Diamond….

reminds me of a vision i have….

where…. men are the Sun…. & all the Ice melts away to reveal Me – as a Diamond : )))

(((healing)))

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:41am
249: Jan says:

Thank you guys for the positive comments. It is so nice to not feel so alone in this sea of emotions. The hardest thing I am having to learn is to feel them! In the past I haven’t put much faith in life just working out the way it is supposed to on it’s own. I am so thankful to have found this site and am able to learn from all of you amazing women. Thank you- Jan

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:47am
250: lk says:

awww thank you, Femininewoman : ))

i feel pretty : )

i am thinking of ways women “carry themselves”……

i have seen women carry themselves in ways that make them look Invulnerable… but who also Radiate Smiles & Gentleness &…. Slowness – like, slow-ness to reach conclusions…… slow-ness to pass judgements……. slow-ness to Make A Decision…. i feel comfortable & safe & respected around these women & i aspire to & intend to carry myself in ways that make other people feel Empowered & Respected & Loved

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:54am
251: lk says:

(((((Jan))))) : )))

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:55am
252: lk says:

someone on my Facebook had their status as

“surround yourself with people who say ‘ Yes, And ‘ instead of ‘ No, Because ‘ ” & i felt inspired : )

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:57am
253: GingerSky says:

Wow… I can`t possibly post all the joy, depth, & gratitude I feel from reading this thread… so will just say: Sirens are wonderful, amazing, wise & I am so enriched reading all these comments today. Many thanks to each of you & I`m deeply grateful to be sharing cyberspace w you all… (((((((( Sirens ))))))))

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:02am
254: Iamabutterfly says:

@245 ((((CocoKisses)))) – I understand. You care about people and how things affect them. You care about yourself. You have a compassionate heart. It’s beautiful…

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:06am
255: Slippin' Goddess says:

Havnt heard from my bf for nearly a day now.. longest time ever..

Been out all day so it hasnt bothered me but now im home its starting to bother me and I feel angry and hurt because I havnt done anything wrong..

Is the ignoring thing some kind of punishment?

Im so tempted to text.. I feel like we’re both ignoring each other now because I havnt text him since last night when I probably usually would

What do I say?

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:06am
256: Iamabutterfly says:

aw, (((GingerSky))), that feels warm and connected.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:07am
257: Femininewoman says:

Coco – this is all up in his business but it just occurred to me “wonder if the feeling of loss” makes him tick or feel a sense of urgency?

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:11am
258: Femininewoman says:

Slippin Goddess it is during such times that attraction builds.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:13am
259: Slippin' Goddess says:

I feel upset.. We’re usually in contact at last every cpl of hours so a day might not seem a ig thing but to us it is..

Starting to feel like me not getting in touch with him has dragged this on.. I dunno Not feeling good.. at all

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:13am
260: Starla says:

Slippin Goddess, I would just say how nice it feels to hear his voice when he does call.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:16am
261: Starla says:

I hope CF misses me enough to contact me soon. I still feel like someone cut off my legs or something, lol. Sorry if I frustrate anyone by still hoping for this. It’s just how I’m feeling… I’m not going to ‘act’ on it.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:23am
262: Lucy says:

I feel sad to say that it appears to really be over now. I feel like I can’t please him no matter how hard I try to do things “right” (RR way, NVC, etc etc), without completely abandoning myself. I feel heartbroken.. and angry some…. and discouraged… and really sad, because there were some really great and wonderful things going on between us.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:29am
263: Iamabutterfly says:

@255 ((((Slippin Goddess)))) – I would try not to say anything, and try leaning back and exploring your feelings.

One day isn’t that long of a time.

He may have just been busy, or his phone might’ve died, or he may have lost his phone charger, or any number of things.

Try to explore what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it.

You say you feel angry.

Do you feel fearful as well? The two are often linked…

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:32am
264: s says:

hi

..
i feel frustrated and a bit confused
also sad

i am wondering what to do.
if he asks you to run an errand, and you do, is that leaning forward?

should i agree to this, what should i say?

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:39am
265: s says:

what if you share you feelings over text and all he says is “ya” :’(

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 10:24am
266: Starla says:

((((((((((Lucy)))))))))))))))))

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 10:41am
267: GivingGirl says:

(((Blog)))

Hi (((Sirens)))!

Been a pretty quiet day. Glad I finally had a good night’s sleep last night. I’ve been completely leaning back with BoatGuy. I have a feeling things will just fall by the wayside without a word, but maybe he will want to get together tonight. I’m not sure what I will say. I feel I’m the one who keeps this thing afloat and I’m not doing it anymore.

I want to send out my party evite, but will wait until tomorrow. I want to see what tonight brings (if anything). I’d like to have things settled by my party, so I feel more comfortable with how I will act with Mr. Observant, since they are both on my invite list.

(((Starla))) I hope CF contacts you soon, so you can have closure or so things can move forward.

(((Slippin Goddess))) I agree with lamabutterfly, lean back and give him a little space.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:08am
268: GivingGirl says:

(((Lucy)))

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:10am
269: Silver Moonbeam says:

{{{ Jan }}}
{{{ Lucy }}}
{{{ Starla }}}
{{{ FW plus her poor fingers }}}}
{{{ ALL SIRENS ALL OVER THE WORLD }}}

Watched The Notebook today and am feeling sooo sentimental lol, oh why doesn’t Noah turn up for me?

LK I clicked on your initials last night and it took me to your blog, wow you are sooooo pretty, I had you down as some mousy little creature for some reason and wow I was blown away by your good looks and your gorgeous hair!!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:17am
270: Starla says:

Wow, I am brave… and I take care of myself whenever I need it the most. Love to me love to me love to me:)

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:24am
271: Silver Moonbeam says:

Starla

Re the skin issue.

At one time on one of my MANY health kicks I was taking Spirulina. I did notice an improvement in my hair and nails, my grand-daughter was taking it at the same time for teenage acne and she noticed a big difference in her skin.

If you take the powder form as I did, you need to mix it with apple juice in a blender, this seems to neutralize the flavour of what is basically algae, very smelly and seaweedy. My grand-daughter took it in tablet form.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:26am
272: Silver Moonbeam says:

Don’t know if this will help but it can’t hurt.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:27am
273: coco kisses says:

So I sent a text to my husband I said hey I felt really good talking to you today I really appreciate the conversation thanks

He text me back same here, thanks for being nice….I’m like huh, that sounds like friends vibe ……..ahhhhh

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:29am
274: GivingGirl says:

@271 coco kisses

Hmmm, maybe he’s holding back because he fears you two will just fight? Maybe you need more friendly, nice conversations like that.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:34am
275: GivingGirl says:

I just bought some multivitamins with Spirulina in them. They taste very green! I hope it does wonders for my skin and hair!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:35am
276: Femininewoman says:

Coco I beliwvw it was because of the masculine leaning forward text. He couldn’t help it maybe. When lean forward the vibe changes to friendship.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:47am
277: GivingGirl says:

I’m curious. How do you know when a man is ready after a divorce? Especially, when I think his wife was his high school sweetheart. That has got to be tough.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:47am
278: Starla says:

I am done working for the day. I feel stuck. I don’t know what I need. Mostly I just want to disappear. I’m not sure what that means.

Perhaps I just feel extremely uncomfortable with showing myself love when I need it. For example, I decided to take it easy today, but I just feel guilty and pathetic and weak and like I’m going to be in a lot of trouble.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I really need to be showing myself a lot of slowness and kindness and forgiveness right now, even though it feels like I would be deluding myself. Just do it anyway because those are the new rules and obligations — to always come back to loving myself as an absolute default.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:03pm
279: Starla says:

My boss actually just emailed me a very nice you’re-not-in-trouble-at-all message and wished me well. But I STILL feel like I’m in trouble and there’s something terrible about me. I am sinking into that feeling now.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:06pm
280: lk says:

GivingGirl

it probably depends on the man.

when i met CD he had ” just ” (my words / perception) gotten out of a long-term (6-year) relationship with a live-in girlfriend 6 or 7 months before we met.

he described it to me “in my mind we were essentially married & i would never have left her”

i felt very afraid !

but…. moving gently through some Loaded Territory (for both of us)….. & he has been so open with me

in particular, after we’d been dating about 5 or 6 weeks, he described to me the process he had employed….. of carefully noting his actions & “removing” all the old habits…… Re-Learning ways to do things Alone……

& he was open when i expressed my vulnerable feelings…. & he has said, yes i thought it was the worst thing, but meeting you, i see it was the best thing…. & if i have a Spiritual Wife, it is you….

for me it all came down to…. do i feel safe ?

: )

& BTW when his ex-girlfriend heard that we were moving in together (she had tried to call & he requested that she not call the house anymore since i would be living there), CD made me very comfortable, offering to let me read his correspondence with her, etc. etc. & really putting our relationship first : )

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:09pm
281: lk says:

((((Starla))))

remember when Lizka was on her challenge & still some days she would come & post her frustrations ? BUT STILL that vibe sounded so high, eh ? love to you. keep going. seriously amazed by you DAILY.

there is a phrase that i like a lot…. ” I hope the light at the end of this tunnel isn’t a Train ! ”

LOL for some reason it always makes me feel happy…..

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:19pm
282: GivingGirl says:

@278 lk

Awww…that feels so nice and thoughtful. I can understand why you felt afraid and vulnerable. I feel happy he understood that and made sure to put you first.

I think Mr. Observant is ready because I noticed he signed up for a couple singles meetup groups last weekend & then was hitting on me. He seemed pretty open, as well, even though we weren’t talking about him. I didn’t get the vibe that sharing information about himself would be a problem, but who knows.

It seems like his divorce is open news cause all the friends talk about it freely. Most say his wife is just awful and psycho. His wife’s brother loves him to death and just said they just weren’t right and fought all the time. They all say these things right in front of him, but he doesn’t comment. He seems like the strong, silent type, but was very direct and forward when talking with me.

If he comes to my party, I will need to try and get more information out of him.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:19pm
283: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel nervous. I feel scared. I feel excited. I feel swirly in my lower abdomen and stomach and chest all the way up to my neck.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:20pm
284: Starla says:

I feel like a control freak about my emotions.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:21pm
285: Starla says:

lk, thank you, and thanks for not judging me!! I feel self conscious of my own feelings and want to control them so bad, because I am paranoid CF can “feel” a psycho obsessive vibe from me.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:23pm
286: GivingGirl says:

@283 Starla

I know exactly what you mean. I was thinking that about BoatGuy too. I mean, I know I feel vibes from him, not sure if they are just in my head or my imagination. So I was wondering if he could feel vibes from me.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:31pm
287: Femininewoman says:

2977: Rori Raye says:

TAz – go take him to the movie “Think Like A Man” and then talk about it – ask him what he thought, and just listen to him…really see how the women (I know it’s a movie – but this works in life with a man) are so kind and supportive and loving – but not in an overfunctioning way – and without LOSING THEMSELVES or settling for being unhappy. It’s a great Siren combo – all of them (even the hard-nosed CEO type softens up, but doesn’t lose the “edge” that makes her herself….) The thing here is to talk, create intimacy on a deep emotional level – and THEN see how THAT feels to you! I love the questions Steve Harvey asks: If you make a lot of money, does HE have to? If you have a home – does HE have to? In other words…is what you’re looking for, and the standards your setting really, truly what you want and need? Love, Rori

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:34pm
288: lk says:

@Giving Girl 280

LOL sorry but this sentence cracked my up :

” If he comes to my party, I will need to try and get more information out of him. ”

LOL that sounds like The Definition of Pressure & Expectations….. & Assessment & Judging……

if he mentions something about her or his relationship, maybe you could just express your vulnerable feelings…

one time… i remember i almost freaked out because CD was describing to me how intense the breakup was…. but i really really really really went deep on it ( i had to excuse myself to “hear” my Real Feelings – past the Angry Triggered Reaction…. like… why are you telling me this ? why am i here ? )…. & all i ended up saying was, ” i feel terrible imagining you that sad ” & i felt amazingly connected to him when i said that & experienced his response.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:35pm
289: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel like I’m going to throw up! In a good way? this feels confusing!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:49pm
290: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel nauseous and dizzy would be a better feeling message…

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 12:51pm
291: Goodheart says:

I feel so unsirenly lately.

It seems like I’m going backward.

I am just now starting to feel better physically (after my stomach/back thingy). I started eating yogurt about 2 weeks ago & maybe that is helping. But now my chin is broken out like I’ve never seen it! I’m afraid it’s the yogurt but I don’t know why that would be. And I don’t want to feel yucky in my stomach again so I don’t want to give up the yogurt.

And the stress is making me cranky as heck.

And I feel unimportant. And unsexy.

I’m feeling like a roommate.

I want to feel like a siren.

I want to feel like a seductress.

I want to be adored & wooed & courted.

I want to – relax.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:07pm
292: Goodheart says:

I want to fall in love with myself again.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:08pm
293: Starla says:

I’m gonna watch the vow in bed right now. Haha, daring Starla!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:09pm
294: Lucy says:

Thank you to those who gave me hugs! <3

I am feeling pretty angry. I don't like the way he treated me in this conversation today. Sigh. It feels awful. And so sad because most of what we had was so good and wonderful…. but today's issue was the same one we've had again and again ……

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:11pm
295: Lucy says:

I actually feel REALLY angry. Almost at that “hate” feeling….

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:13pm
296: coco kisses says:

@ feminine woman….u r right ….. I thought there would be no harm in a feminine thank u text….. I’m ok I didn’t have any real .expectations….I’m just glad he called….I really was missing him….back to focusing on me…..going out tonight, getting that pedicure.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:21pm
297: Gemini says:

Hello lovely ladies…just saying hi! I’ve been hip to Rori’s tools for a few months now, just discovered the blog and I’m loving all the comments, support, and love here! And yes, as I’ve slowly been making the switch from giving to receiving, and letting go of trying to control outcomes by doing, doing, doing…I’ve definitely noticed some anxiety. Realizing it’s fear-based…”if I don’t call him, he might not call me, so I better call him…” lol so over it! Opening to receive… bless

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:30pm
298: Goodheart says:

I wonder if what I really need is some outside passions?

I feel like I need more of a life outside my relationships in order to take some of the pressure off.

I just don’t really have any passions. Omg that sounds rather pathetic.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:32pm
299: lk says:

@Starla

i was just thinking about you & wanting to find a picture that shows what i think about you LOL

& i google-image-d “business brunette fashion” ohhh metadata… lol but that is how i would “tag” your “vibe” lol

there are a lot of images with that brown /grey combo too : ) sounds fun !

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:39pm
300: Lizka says:

Starla

“I’ve been thinking about Lizka all day and how she is my inspiration to focus on myself and take care of me and lean back”

Really? Wow that feels so nice to read!! I feel surprised to be an inspiration by that but really really happy to be one.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:40pm
301: Love Actually says:

Hello,

I have tried posting once before, but it seems that it took a long time in moderation (perhaps there are rules somewhere I should have read *grin*) and everyone had long moved on before it was posted…so trying again.

I think anxiety is my middle name these days, and I can relate to so much of what you talk about here, I just so need to vent and ground myself right now.

I am trying to lean back and use feeling messages with a fellow I have been seeing for the past couple of years and IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. I feel so strong and relaxed one day and freaking out and like I could cry nonstop while laying on the floor the next.

Yesterday I leaned wayyy forward and called him and basically told him to step up and NOW or forget it. It actually felt good in the moment…we had made plans a week or so ago to meet for dinner that evening before going to a communication class we are taking together and he hadn’t confirmed so I decided to take myself out – I sat in the sun, enjoyed a cold beer, read my book – it felt fantastic! I wasn’t sure if he would show up for the class and he did, which also felt good. He said he had tried to call me. I said I didn’t get the call and hadn’t been home for a while as I went ahead with dinner with myself. I felt frustrated that he didn’t try to call my cell though. He made it to the break in the class and then said he was going to go as he wasn’t getting anything out of it. I felt devistated and struggled not to cry right there in the middle of the class…I had to go outside for some air and he was still outside and came over to tell me that his stomach was upset and he gave me a cherry blossom flower that he had picked and came back in to let the facilitators know he was leaving…i waved goodbye (I felt numb and couldn’t think what else to do) and turned to go back into the class…I felt his hand reach out behind me on my arm and back as I was walking away and I think I turned to smile at him but cant’ remember exactly…that felt so good and so confusing at the time…I just don’t know what he wants, I don’t think he knows. I am trying to respect the masculine and I am realizing that I feel really really vulnerable when I do this…is this related to trust? Trusting me? Trusting him? This seems ironic because in my imagination it is my wildest crazy fabulous fantasy to be with a man who is decisive and creative and takes charge and respects my thoughts also and feels good enough about himself to hear my ‘that doesn’t feel good’

We had plans made for tomorrow also and I am killing myself to know if he plans to keep them, as he hasn’t confirmed that either and things have been so up in the air, and it is taking everything I have not to call him and demand an answer…I am so habituated to wanting to control the outcome of everythng. I spend so much time thinking and driving myself crazy. I am trying to fill up my time with fun things for me…like dinner last night and I had a pedicure today, I joined a softball team, but tomorrow afternoon is looming like a great gaping hole and I don’t know when to make my own plans as I really want to see him (and making plans when you feel crappy isn’t always that easy), but I also don’t want to have it be ok for him to not confirm…so maybe I will call him later this evening and just say ‘i’m feeling a little confused and it would feel good to know what your intentions are regarding our plans for tomorrow’

I feel crazy, anxious, sad and hopeless. I signed back up on Plenty of Fish, which makes me feel guilty because I have not told my fellow…and so many of the men that email me just make me feel yicky – they say things like ‘maybe we cud meet up cutie’ I feel ewwwww. I struggle alot with thinking about going on a date if I don’t think I might have an attraction to them…does this get easier?

It would feel sooo good to connect here, rather than just reading. I hope all my ranting makes sense I feel so frazzled right now.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:42pm
302: Iamabutterfly says:

@295 Goodheart – I’ve been there. What do you talk about on dates?

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:44pm
303: Love Actually says:

I am just experimenting with a short comment, as the last two comments I posted have said ‘awaiting moderation’ and i’m wondering if it’s because they are too long.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:45pm
304: Lizka says:

Hi ladies!!

I have been really happy in the last two weeks, since I started my new job. Almost only good things happened to me and it helps to keep my vibe up.

I have make new friends, 15 of them! In 2 weeks only!! My whole training class is so nice. We all went for lunch today and all couldn’t stop saying how we were a cool gang and that we all get along so great! Yesterday, two of the girls and me went to an opening of a new very trendy bar downtown and I felt so glad to finally have girl friends who likes to go to the same kind of place as me. We drank champagne and talked cosmetics and all the stuff I like to talk about. Awww

And finally it started moving a little faster in my dating life. Some of my CDs have started waking up. Well tonight I have this date with RamadanCD and today, the car dealership owner texted me and invited me to his cottage this weekend!! So I’m going to spend the day there with him tomorrow. He already made a very structured plan, walking in the woods, cooking dinner, making a fire. So cool

I’ll need to find him a CD name now… will think of it.

And GoldenYouthCD has texted me too today asking if I was at this bar last night (my friend posted pics on Facebook( and he said he was there too and it was too bad that we missed each others and that we will definitely meet soon.

So cool, finally something seems to be happening.

So my weekend is pretty busy, and now I wish I had more time for me, lol. The only day I am going to have is Sunday and I’ll have to do all my things, long run training, big clean up, manucure, grocery shopping… no time to relax with this new life

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:49pm
305: Lizka says:

Goodheart

“But now my chin is broken out like I’ve never seen it!”

Chin break out is due to hormones. Not to yoghurt. When it’s due to digestion, the breaking out is gonna be on the forehead and between the two eyes.

Hormones can be you are having your periods? You have change your pills or contraception? You are feeling new emotions? Change of the seasons (cold/warm/humid), and anything that affects the hormones.

Hope it helps

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:57pm
306: lk says:

lizka, i saw that cute pic of you at the bar – you ladies look like a picture out of a fashion magazine : ))) so pretty : )))

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:58pm
307: Goodheart says:

Iamabutterfly, I’m in a relationship now, but when I was dating I talked about hiking, decorating, movies, that sort of thing.

My bf has something he is passionate about (other than me ) & sometimes I feel like I want to be that passionate about something. But I can’t force it.

It just has to come naturally.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 1:59pm
308: Goodheart says:

Lizka, yes you’re right definitely hormones. I’m not taking any pills. Regular periods (yes, the breakouts coincide with that, but this time, yeesh!). Could be the stress from not feeling well & all that’s been going on with my mom.

Thanks for your input

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:02pm
309: Lizka says:

lk

“remember when Lizka was on her challenge & still some days she would come & post her frustrations ? BUT STILL that vibe sounded so high, eh ? ”

Wow. Once again, I feel really really amazed to be an inspiration.

((((((lk))))))

((((((Starla))))))

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:02pm
310: Lizka says:

lk 301

Wow thank you!!!!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:06pm
311: Lizka says:

For all the sad ladies who don’t know what they need and what they want, I just recommend to find a new job. Lol it totally shifted my life!!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:09pm
312: Lizka says:

Oh!! I just remembered that day where my old boss told me they were not happy with me and they put me in probation!! I remembered that that night, I felt asleep on my back, my face offered to the universe and my palms opened, telling the universe that I was ready for something new!!

Magic?

Since that day, everything seems to have gone so much better! The next day, my current job called me and booked me in for an interview, I got the job, quit my old job, got a lot of love from my old collegues, had 2 weeks to relax and take care of me, started a new job, bought a car, made more money to do more fun things and buy new stuff, made new friends, made new girl friends, started going out more like I was so missing, started to have more contacts with ATW, E called me after so many months of no talking, got a lot lot lot of attention from a man (Ramadan), got booked by 2 CDs for the same weekend…. and I guess it’s not over!!

Wow magic!!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:14pm
313: Lizka says:

GivingGirl

“I’m curious. How do you know when a man is ready after a divorce? Especially, when I think his wife was his high school sweetheart. That has got to be tough.”

I think I would just not think about those things. It’s not actually your business. You don’t NEED to know if he’s ready or not. You just take what he can gives, and if it’s not enough, you move on. And you can over analyse as much as you want and ending up thinking he’s not ready and it might be totally not true, you never know. Thinking about this kind of things is just a lost of precious time where you could be smiling to life instead and do some fun things for yourself!

RamadanCD is separated for 1.5 years or something but not even divorced yet. I know all the sirens would say “woooo crazy girl don’t go there”. But (so far), I don’t think of it. And you know why also? Because I am CDing. I have no idea if he’s going to divorce or not, but I think that it’s not about him being ready or not. I think, let’s say he totally falls in love with me and thinks I’m the one, I guess he’s gonna rush for the divorce… If he doesn’t, it’s just because he’s not in love. Anyway, we’re not there yet.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:20pm
314: Lizka says:

SMB

I feel really interested in this Spirulina thing. I am wondering if we have this in Canada. I want to try it. Will go see at the pharmacy. Thanks for this

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:26pm
315: Lizka says:

(((((((Starla)))))))

I feel sorry to read that CF still haven’t contact you. I feel really surprised too… I think you are doing great Empress Starla

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:29pm
316: Lizka says:

Hmmm I just realised also that leaning back is kind of becoming something natural for me. Just like breathing and crying…

Yes I have lean forward with ATW a little bit in the last weeks, but it was really with no expectation. It was just for fun. Not to show him anything, just to share my happiness.

And besides that, I haven’t lean forward with anyone without even thinking of it. It just happened. I just lived my fun life and appreciated every moment of it and smiled at how great and fabulous I am. Wow!

And now that I think of it, even with my friends I have lean back most of the time.

I feel surprised to realise that leaning back is like breathing now. Maybe this 3 weeks challenge I had really helped me to make an habit of it.

Cool

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:34pm
317: Lizka says:

Anyway I’m taking off ladies,

I have to go meet RamadanCD downtown!

Talk to you later!!

xoxo

PS it felt good to come here and write and read your posts. I’ll catch up more later tonight or this weekend. xoxo

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:36pm
318: Starla says:

Thanks, Lizka.. I still feel surprised which is probably not helping to “unstick” myself. It’ll wear off in time hopefully:)
Thanks, lk, for the googling inspiration. I feel stoked about dark hair! I am feeling a bit “washed out” by my natural hair color.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:50pm
319: Starla says:

It felt good to watch The Vow and cry. It reminded me of CF in a depressing way, but ultimately I was just crying because I *always* cry at those movies. It feels liberating to cry about something different! I wonder what else I could find to feel intensely about that has nothing to do with him.

Now I feel ready to move my ass and do my homework and take care of myself. Yay for crying.

I always feel like I am up against some appointment or to-do and I can’t let myself cry, but today I had hours on either side to finally let some out. Now I feel soooo glad and appreciative that I took some time off to take care of myself.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:58pm
320: Gemini says:

“awaiting moderation”?? how long does this usually take?

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 3:11pm
321: Goodheart says:

I feel hopeless right now. And scared.

Like I’ve created this I-can-never-make-her-happy-attitude with my bf & I don’t know how to turn it around.

It’s like he’s the best one day & the next he sucks. Why am I doing this?

Why can’t I just be happy?

I am angry at myself. And mostly sad & scared.

Seriously, I just want to let myself be happy. Lighten up already.

There must be something (still) that I am not accepting about myself. How do I heal this? I feel like crying.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 3:33pm
322: Starla says:

Aw, I am going out with Alaska tonight, but just now George Washington texted me to go out.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 3:53pm
323: Starla says:

Flirting with these guys is making me feel uncomfortable. Like they’re expecting something out of me… but I’m nowhere near ready to give any part of my heart away.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:02pm
324: GivingGirl says:

@288: lk

LOL I didn’t mean it like that!

Mr. Observant felt perfectly comfortable asking me questions like:

Where do you work?
Do you like your job?
How long have you been there?
What do you like to do for fun?
Are you in a relationship?
With BoatGuy?
How long have you been dating?
How old is he?
How old are you?
Age difference really isn’t a big deal.
So, you are hinging everything on what he does?
But, what do you want?
Do you want kids?
Do you like hockey (cause the playoffs were on the TV and he was watching)?
Do you like going to the movies?

I don’t even remember what all he asked me and this was just one night.

I just meant that I would have to ask him questions about himself at my party, instead of just answering his questions. And, if his relationship with his wife comes up, that’s ok. I’d like to get a feel for what is going on from him. No interrogating!!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:32pm
325: GivingGirl says:

@291 (((Goodheart)))

It may be the stress making you break out. That happens to me.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:35pm
326: GivingGirl says:

@297 Gemini

Hi! Good for you!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:37pm
327: GivingGirl says:

@301: Love Actually

Your ranting has made complete sense to me and I’ve felt how you feel before and not all that long ago. I’ve stopped and so far, he hasn’t picked up the ball. It’s hard to do, but I think it’s the best thing to do. I wouldn’t call him, let him call you. Make plans and if he doesn’t call you in time, sorry, but you didn’t hear from him and already have other plans. If he wants you, he will come to you. I know it’s hard to not call, because you worry if you don’t, he won’t. I’m so guilty of that. However, if he doesn’t, then do you really want him anyways?

Good luck!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:45pm
328: Radlove says:

“The road to success is always under construction.”

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:45pm
329: Goodheart says:

Dominique, I wonder if you have any suggestions – I took bc pills for a number of years to keep my skin clear & they worked beautifully. I stopped taking them just over a year ago & now I breakout (mostly on chin) right when I get my period (but they last for weeks afterward). This month is particularly bad (large ones).

Since this is tied to hormones, is there anything I can do or take to help balance me out? It seems that I must I have some sort of imbalance that is causing this. Teenagers usually get them because of the raging hormones & most grow out of it, but for those of us who don’t, I’m guessing we have something wonky with our hormones. I have had years where my skin was clear & then, bam, it would start breaking out again. I don’t want to go back on the pill.

I have heard Evening primrose oil may help?

I also wonder if the hormone thing may be why my emotions seem all over the place too.

I just really want to heal all this. I want to feel good inside & out.

Thanks Dominique. (and anyone else, if you want to jump in))

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:47pm
330: GivingGirl says:

Lizka, so nice to hear things are going so well. 15 new friends!! Yay!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:48pm
331: T-Girl says:

((((Goodheart)))))

I can relate to what you are going through. For me, I think it is my fear of being with someone for a long time and the love goes away (since I was married for 20 years).

But I have to remember that in my marriage I didn’t have the relationship tools that I have now. So when I get to that place where I am so in love one day and then the next I’m looking at him like he is an alien, I remind myself that the good stuff far aways the bad stuff by a mile. No one is perfect, everyone has their own personality traits that may be different than what we like.

I recommend Guy and Katie Hendricks – they have some short new videos out now that help (free) and the book “Wabi Sabi Love” by Arielle Ford.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:50pm
332: GivingGirl says:

@313 Lizka

Thank you. Very good insights and yes, I have to break my overanalysing habit. I do it a lot.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:58pm
333: Healing Waterfall says:

hi
i miss being on the blog and connecting with all of you.

i like rori’s post a lot. I feel anxiety too before a big shift.

Today and yesterday i treated myself to a facial and a massage with birthday money from my mom and my dad.

I felt so special taking care of myself that i feel much less obsessed, as in not at all and this lack of obsession makes me feel anxious…..so hey, it’s a good thing.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 4:58pm
334: Goodheart says:

Thank you T-Girl, your words made me feel better & understood too.

It’s like I want to blame this on something (this up & down in me) like my hormones so I can just take a pill & be cured.

I guess I know it will take more than that. And I know, very much in my heart, that all the good far outweighs the bad with my bf, so I get very frustrated with myself when I am critical. He is a good man, truly.

I just need to somehow remember to use the tools more – much more. And stop myself before I say things. Argh. Just stop.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:06pm
335: Starla says:

I am starting to feel full patches of total acceptance without any attachment to outcomes!! For the last couple of days!!

It’s been so bizarre just observing myself and going through the highs and lows instead of “acting” to cover it up. Such a huge difference for me. I feel like I can see things clearly and really know myself through and through at times.

And then other times I feel completely confused, but slowly the pieces are coming together for me:)

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:07pm
336: GingerSky says:

((((( Starla! )))))

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:14pm
337: GingerSky says:

I am… river & deep woods …I am worthy of songs from the man I adore, and mature undying devotion… in *every* form, seranades, soliloquoys, protection, mutual inspiration, understanding, sharing, appreciation, passion, challenge, delving, sparking & cherish… I am worthy of all this & more. I am a woman who does not need a mask.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:20pm
338: siren song says:

Letting go of attachment is awesome!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:22pm
339: GingerSky says:

#320 Gemini, moderation seems usually to take a day or two ime… you may have gone into it bc of something innocuous you said that happens to be a buzzword of something Rori`s had to block or watch out for bc of past blog issues/conflicts. Sorry thaat happened to you

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:28pm
340: Dominique says:

Goodheart – Depending on your age, under forty evening primrose is great for hormone balancing, motherwort is great at any age, more for mood balancing (take in tincture form), over forty, experiment with black cohosh, red clover infusion, chasteberry/vitex, false unicorn. Please try one at a time, and give it a good month or so.

Good for you no picking. But sometimes when your hormones are going through a change, cyclical or age related phases, this will happen, and there’s not much you can do but wait it out, and try the herbs to see if it helps or at least minimizes it until the phase passes.

xxoo

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:44pm
341: Siren Angel says:

Hello Sirens,

I texted M today after a hair color appointment ‘Ooh la la I feel Golden’ (just had my new golden/brunette color as he calls it refreshed)

He replied: ‘u r so precious’

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:46pm
342: Femininewoman says:

Gemini hi.

Love Actually welcome to the juicyness of femininity.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 5:48pm
343: Starla says:

getting ready to go out with Alaska, and ahhh!!, my knuckles burn from boxing. It’s gonna be a slow going, funny dressing time.

feeling so jittery and like something bad is going to happen. going to welcome the trigger and ride it! yay free therapy.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 6:16pm
344: GivingGirl says:

Mr. Observant replied to my “Sure ” with “Have a nice weekend.”

Nothing from BoatGuy. Debating on whether or not to include him in my evite. I’d say we are over. We were friends first and I always invited him. Part of me feels like I should because we have so many of the same friends & that way it won’t be awkward, but it will be and do I want to have awkward when Mr. Observant may be there.

This would be a good time for me to work on not overanalysing. I’ll just invite him and not worry about it. He probably won’t show anyways.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:15pm
345: Brandylion says:

Ugh. What did you not understand, DeliCD, about “I prefer evening calls, no later than 10 pm?” Yes, 12 minutes after 10 is too late. I feel tired, and I am already winding down for the night. I am not going to engage in a conversation at this time or night unless you are one of the most important people in my life.

Boundary tested and reinforced!

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:18pm
346: GivingGirl says:

Good for you, Brandylion.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 7:24pm
347: Turquoise says:

Hi sirens! Catching up on the blog… Looks like a slow day here. Lizka, happy to hear all your good news! Starla, so glad you are getting out sweetie… Fake it til you make it, and soon it won’t feel like faking! Lucy, time and distance have become my very best friends! I hope you can take some space for yourself. Hi Silver, I want to try that herb you mentioned, I have adult acne that was worse than when I was in college. I started using a Clinique moisturizer and my skin looks much better, and seems more balanced. If I don’t use it, I get very oily. I am going to sit in my tub and try the yogurt. I just ate some too… Beauty from the inside out also:). Starla, your post about beauty and makeovers inspired me to stop at my favorite day spa and book a facial the owner is a good friend I’ve barely seen since I moved, so really looking forward to spending time with her too! She kept commentingon how gorgeous I looked, felt so nice to hear that!

I had a date with carpenter CD today and it was nice! He’s not my normal type, has both his ears pierced… But cute, interesting and fun to talk to. Plus, he knows how to build houses from the ground up, so I love knowing done one handy! He’s also has several degrees, including a graduate degree in forensic science…. So I enjoyed talking to him about all sorts of stuff. I didn’t feel a romantic connection…. But he was cool. I’d like to get to know him better.

Chemist texted me a little today. Was nice enough, he’s on his way to NY for the weekend. So ready and I are going for dinner and a movie tomorrow, and he got the concert tickets for 2 weeks from now. Looking forward to that.
I took the girls out to dinner and my BFF met us to catch up. Was a great evening.

The best part of my day though was seeing my friend the spa owner, and the genuine shock on her face at all the changes she sees in me since August. I quickly told her about my 4 guys, lol, that’s definitely new!

Oh, and my boy got out today to cut the grass.. Even though I really didn’t want to. It looks so much better, glad my boy didn’t procrastinate!

Oh, and I had a really long and pleasant talk with C today on my way home from happy hr with carpenter. It felt nice, like friends. All my urgency is gone around him. I feel free.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 8:43pm
348: LoveAlways says:

Feeling everything tonight – but not unsettled because I’m in my soup. Next to anger is joy and serenity. I feel healthier than ever and thankful for the relationship blows I’ve experienced. I feel out in the cold, so I went outside (in the cold) and enjoyed the feeling all the way through. But what I feel the most is my own energy. Positive energy, feminine energy – then I also feel suppressed energy, like fire sometimes, like ice other times – and I don’t know how to classify it . . . is it love, lust, the essence of me that emerges when my heart is touched? It’s so powerful yet so bewildering and the beauty of it all is that I have NO control over it. I can’t feel it coming or going, I only know this energy when its engulfing in me, stirring my soup and mixing up all these feelings swirling around in me. So what do I feel right now? I feel like being loved, deeply, honestly, earnestly, Always.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:06pm
349: Lucy says:

Thank you Turquoise. <3

We are now "officially" broken up.

I feel heartbroken.

So disappointed.

I had felt hopeful that he was my partner for the rest of my life.

I've never felt this bad initiating a break up before.

I loved him so much.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 9:49pm
350: Love Actually says:

@320: Gemini

Yay! My messages didn’t get stuck in moderation for as long this time, only a couple of hours (last time was about 24 hours). I feel so glad and relieved that I can chat here.

@342: FeminineWoman

Thanks for the welcome! It feels so good to be here.
Juicy is exactly how I want to feel all the time!

@327: Giving Girl

I feel really acknowledged by your words and I think you are right about not calling him and I always feel better when he calls me and makes plans. I feel so much admiration for your strength to not call him.

I broke down and called my guy afterall and we went in circles for a bit and he did say he would call me tomorrow. I feel hopeful and scared. I’m pretty sure that he really does want a relationship with me and right now I’m pretty sure that I am the one putting up barriers. In the past 2 years together we have been through some pretty extenuating circumstances and he made some choices that really, really hurt me and have affected my feeling safe and like I can trust him 100%. I feel terrified of being hurt again, but meanwhile I am keeping myself in agony – no irony there.

I have read in several places on the blog that I just have to decide to trust him and see what happens if I want to be in the relationship or I need to choose to walk away. I feel too scared to walk away and I just keep losing it in terms of staying calm and riding my own emotional roller coaster without wanting to involve him, the longest I lasted was 2 weeks and then I got all freaky again. I need to learn to handle my triggers in the moment better I think…It seems to take me a day or so to process it when I am really triggered.

I am not working right now and I don’t think that is helping either in terms of building my own happy, full life…

We are now in a place where he thinks that no matter what he does it will never be enough to make me happy. And sadly, he is right. I just make a bigger deal out of what is wrong rather than what he does right. Uggg! I feel impatient with myself. I try to tell him when I appreciate the things I love and somehow I still keep doubting that he is sincere and that he is keeping ‘something’ (not sure what) from me and get all controlling again, trying to get reassurance that he loves me and isn’t hiding anything.

In some ways I think I am beating myself up because I think if I just set a time limit and followed all the rules in the ebook and let it fall wherever it falls, then I would know for sure and it would either feel good or not and I could decide if I want to continue…I just don’t know how to control my own emotions and crazy, paranoid thoughts.

I feel pretty calm right now and hopeful that I can be a vibrant, confident siren! I feel grateful to be able to read the experiences you all describe here, I am learning so much – now just to remember it when I am engaging with my fella.

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 10:42pm
351: lk says:

@goodheart

hi : ) feeling a little “stuck” in weird feedback loops as well….. but intending gentle treatment of myself & also allowing myself to try new ways…. : ) experimenting feels fun

i like your mantra : ) i did it today with a situation at work & i felt so happy & pleased with the whole thing : )

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:57pm
352: lk says:

there is no way to happiness ; happiness is the way : )

Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 11:58pm
353: Starla says:

Back from my night out with Alaska. Getting out and being around other men really helps take the edge off of being wrapped up in one particular guy. I felt like sort of a woman again by the end of the night. I have 5 other CDs all trying to lock down some time with me, and I think I’ll go ahead and give that to them. The company feels nice. I am feeling better and better about my new CF-free life, even though I just hate to imagine that this is just how it is. But this is just how it is. “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.” Wise advice. I know that when the morning comes, I will feel like a got hit by a ton of heart breaking bricks, but tonight I am feeling free.

I feel so proud of myself for going out tonight with that guy. I really did a nice job of letting him distract me for a while. And I truly enjoyed myself. ((((((Starla))))))))))) Good job.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:23am
354: Starla says:

Wow, I sure have a lot of men lined up and waiting for me pretty quickly. Like magic. (((((((men)))))))) Thank you for coming to show me appreciation and attention and kindness when I need it the most.

The universe truly provides.

I feel almost out of bounds pouting almost possessively over one man in particular, when I am already provided with appreciation and attention and kindness from many sources. I don’t want to discount all my blessings by feeling miserable that they just so happened to show up in a different form than the specific one I was hoping for.

Oh Starla, you are figuring this all out. You will get there. Your heart is opening wider.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:33am
355: mali says:

I’m letting go of control, and… it feels so good. Easy breezy, airy fairy. Light. And free. Whew, I feel like an innocent, playful child of the universe. hee hee! *gurgling giggles*

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:48am
356: Siren Angel says:

Good morning Sirens! I am taking a little ‘me’ time this morning, then joining M and his kids for the weekend in the afternoon. Feeling very anxious about his custody trial coming up… He’s high emotion right now too so I feel I have to be cautious at everything I say and do.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:48am
357: Siren Angel says:

Thank you Universe for cupping me in your hands. I am so very grateful in every moment.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:49am
358: Siren Angel says:

(((Lucy)))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:50am
359: Siren Angel says:

Yeah Starla!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:51am
360: Jan says:

Starla- You are so courageous! I find you and your journey very inspiring! -Jan

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:58am
361: GivingGirl says:

@350: Love Actually

(I tend to write long, so sorry in advance.)

You’re welcome. I feel the need to share it’s not really strength that’s driving me to not contact BoatGuy. I tend to give numerous chances & if I still am not getting what I need, it’s like I flip a switch & it takes a lot to flip it back. My switch has been flipped & it feels really good. I’m still thinking about it, but not obsessing like I was. I’m bothered he isn’t even attempting to find out what changed with me. I think it will never be brought up & I will just see him somewhere & it will just be like before when we were just friends. Almost like it never happened & I dreamed the whole thing. Doesn’t feel good.

It’s a combination of me getting fed up, not wanting to feel like an FWB, needing more from him & I’m tired of asking for it, & I’m mad about so many things. It’s more pure stubbornness, but it’s good for me because he obviously won’t be able to keep me happy. I’ve let go of the outcome. I’ve let go of letting all the “good times” color the bad.

I haven’t quite figured out what my love language is, I don’t really fit nicely into any of them. However, I need to feel wanted & important. That’s what drives me. This includes being contacted, being displayed & not hidden, being taken care of, being talked to, him to be around in person & when not in person. I want to feel connected.

I’ve always had a problem with feeling like I don’t belong & being left out. I was always one of the last one’s picked for a team game in school. I never made anything I tried out for in high school. I can recall so many times when I was younger, waiting by the window for my friends to pick me up & they were always late. Each & every time, I was worried they forgot me. I would just sit by the window holding in my tears. They always showed up, but I always secretly worried they wouldn’t.

I want to feel like I belong. I want to feel like he cares about me & my wants & desires. I really don’t like it when I want to do something & he says no cause it’s just not his thing. I’m willing to do many things that aren’t my things, if he enjoys them. I feel it’s part of a relationship, enjoying each other, accepting each other, etc. (When I say he, I’m talking about any guy, not just BoatGuy).

One of my ex’s gave me a bday present when we were just about to be broken up, but trying to work through it. When I opened it, it was 2 tickets to a magic show. He said to me, “It was between this & George Strait concert, but I couldn’t bare to sit through a few hours of country music, so I got these instead.” I felt so unimportant & angry. I loved country music & this was a birthday present for me & he opted to get me stupid magic show tickets over something he knew I would enjoy? And, this was when he was on good behavior.

That is one of the reasons Mr. Observant really affected me. It wasn’t just his hot & sexy “I’m so attracted to you, I want to kiss you right now” stares. He actually put all of that aside & wanted to know about me. He wanted to know what I wanted, how I felt, what I enjoyed, what I did for fun. When I asked what he liked to do, he brought it back to the things I said I liked to do & what he thought about them & didn’t say no to anything. At the end of the night, he told me he hopes I get everything I want.

I’ve never experienced that before. Most men who have the look in his eye that he had, look me up & down, right in front of me. I’m sure you all know that look. Not him, his eyes never left mine. When I am standoffish, most guys try to convince me. He didn’t try to push, he sensed it, & backed off. Actually, almost every guy I’ve dated had to talk me into it. Guess I have a pattern there. I still feel the desire to thank Mr. Observant for his conversation with me.

Anyways, I’m saying all of this because I feel you aren’t getting what you need, but you haven’t accepted it yet. You want things to work out so bad, you don’t really want to go there. I suggest taking some time, sit down & really feel what feels bad to you. How long has it felt bad? For me, it felt bad the entire time, but then there were times it didn’t feel so bad, so I clung to those. Think about what would need to happen for you to feel good. Is your man able to do that?

I know how it feels to want to hold on to something because you’re too scared to let go. There will always be more men & what if you didn’t feel these bad feelings with another man. What if he could make you feel secure and safe?

I hope I’m not being too forward. I feel taking time to think about these things will be helpful. You may come to the conclusion that your man can give you this. Or you may realize what you need to feel safe & secure. I feel you’re blaming yourself for your feelings when your feelings are not wrong…they are yours. Find a way to make them work for you.

Hugs!!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:00am
362: Healing Waterfall says:

here come’s a post that no one has to respond to, i am just getting out some icky feelings.

i am the invisible siren
i don’t feel like a siren anyway
it doesn’t matter if i post here, no one probably even wondered about me, that’s sort of the story of my life

ohh, i hate that story line…..
it’s such a huge part of my psyche from my childhood and i know it’s not true….it’s just i grew up so neglected that i have such a hard time shifting…

but shift i will, i do start a new job on monday, just a brainless one to bring in some extra bucks as i build my practice and to fill in the holes from lapses in teaching contracts…

i do love reading up on your adventures everybody

((((turquoise)))))) you are so amazing, that is great you have so many cd’s….

last night it felt so good, i went to the store and had on a new to me red skirt with some pink and a man (who is married) walked up to me and told me how nice i looked….it felt so incredibly nice to receive the attention and just to bask in it and we had a conversation about wearing clothes that looked kind of western….

giving girl….hope your skin gets better, it felt fun to read so many great suggestions for your skin and i just wanted to add one more as a health coach, that hormones and skin indicate that your liver is a little backed up and right now i am leading a small 4 day short cleanse that can help clean out the liver and jumpstart burning your own fat……..you can click on my name and contact me through the website, you don’t have to fill out the whole form….:)

((((((starla))))) you sound good…..i am just curious what is the homework you are working on?

today we are raising money by doing a car wash and there is still snow on the ground from yesterday, just a little white….

so i need to sign off, i have been super busy, end of semester and doing self care, moving away from my crush, although when we see each other and talk to each other, the fire is still there.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:00am
363: Healing Waterfall says:

Hi Giving Girl
I read your story about waiting by the window for your friends to show up and they were always late….
hugs
it sounds like you are really drawing in a man who is really interested in you and what you have to offer…

i like your name, why did you pick that name?

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:05am
364: GivingGirl says:

I feel happy reading your posts, Starla!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:05am
365: Femininewoman says:

I love this

>> HOW TO TURN COMMUNICATION INTO CONNECTION

Remember what I said about all the messages and input a man receives in a day?

All of us are continually being bombarded day in, day out with tons of facts. This is especially true in our digitally-driven world.

And a man doesn’t “multi-task” the way we women do.

He gets distracted. He gets focused on things that SEEM important in the moment and then can easily let YOU and your needs fall by the wayside.

So what he needs, in the middle of all this mental activity and bombardment is for YOU to offer him FEELINGS. Emotions. Real, honest, gut- level feelings – expressed in a way he can HEAR – that can return him to being a human being.

Feelings are very different from what he’s used to. And your success at getting through to him and creating connection is all about HOW you express those feelings. What you say as well as what you don’t say.

There’s a quote that goes like this:

“It’s the space between the bars that holds the tiger.”

And so it is with a man. When you know which words to say – and which to leave out – you create a safe space for both of you.

A safe space to express your true feelings, and a safe space that will HOLD a man in a way that feels blissful to him.

Creating and “holding” this “space between the bars” for a man is a skill.

And once you learn the skill of knowing what to say and what not to say – you give a man the chance to be the hero he WANTS to be for you.

When you deliver your thoughts and feelings in a way a man can truly hear, he’ll be yours forever.

Love, Rori

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:42am
366: GivingGirl says:

I took the 5 love languages quiz and I scored:

Quality Time – 11
Acts of Service – 8
Physical Touch – 6
Words of Affirmation – 5
Receiving Gifts – 0

Yep, gifts do nothing for me. I guess that’s why I don’t wear jewelry given by ex bfs.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:49am
367: Femininewoman says:

GivingGirl I also believe this name you chose for yourself and Acts of Service might be significantly tied in some way to your overfunctiong?

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:00am
368: Jan says:

OK. I am confused.
I just got Rori’s newsletter in my email about how to frame what you need to say to a man to express your feelings. So if you are leaning back can you then also express your feelings? Is it that you don’t initiate that conversation yourself?
I am feeling so frustrated with the not contacting…maybe I am just trying to make excuses for wanting to send an expressive email. ;p
I feel miserable about it today!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:04am
369: GivingGirl says:

@367 FW

Yes, I feel more comfortable giving than receiving. I think I fear receiving because I fear no one wants to give to me. I fear not being thought of and forgotten. So, I give instead.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:20am
370: GivingGirl says:

I’ve signed up for Rori’s newsletters a couple times, but I haven’t received any and they are not in my spam. Not sure why.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:22am
371: Starla says:

Thank you everyone for your sweet comments to me.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:43am
372: siren song says:

Giving girll: ‘I feel more comfortable giving than receiving. I think I fear receiving because I fear no one wants to give to me. I fear not being thought of and forgotten. So, I give instead.’

I feel the same way.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:44am
373: Starla says:

I woke up to a dream about CF. Well, more of a nightmare, really. It was just me trying to get him back and him rejecting me. I feel lousy.

In my dream I called him, so I had to check my phone when I woke up to make sure I didn’t sleep-call him. So annoyed.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:46am
374: GivingGirl says:

@372 Siren song

It feels good not to feel alone on that.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:58am
375: GivingGirl says:

(((Starla)))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:00am
376: Femininewoman says:

3) He fears he isn’t enough

This one is often the hardest one for women to notice, but every man has this fear. Some show it often, while others never admit to this fear. This is why most men feel a strong drive to produce and accomplish things. It validates their masculinity. Men need to prove to themselves that they are strong, competent and in control of their environment. Yet, regardless of a man’s talent, there will always be circumstances that catch him off guard, and he will experience doubts about his masculine power.

What to Do: Most women try and comfort a man when they see that he is discouraged. That is often not helpful. Even though your intentions are good, that isn’t what he needs. Instead focus on his ability to overcome his problem. Use this as a guide. When you see him upset or overwhelmed by a problem, find a way to say, “I know you can fix this. I don’t know how, but I do know you.”

If you say that, or something like that to a man that is discouraged, you may not get an immediate reaction or he may even dismiss your compliment. But I promise, he’ll feel it. It’s what he was hoping someone would say. As a result, he’ll feel a special devotion to you, the woman who knew just the right thing to say when he had doubts

Bob Grant

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:05am
377: Femininewoman says:

Jan the problem with leaning forward is that for the most part we are expecting something (controlling the outcome). Men experience it as icky, chasing and a slew of other things we don’t mean because of our vibe. You can “experiment” with leaning forward when you don’t care what happens, he might become defensive or run away. You are comfortable with him ignoring you and not giving you what you want. IMHO, otherwise your self-esteem takes a hit.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:10am
378: Starla says:

FW, I feel good reading 377. I can’t wait to have my vibe back on straight again!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:12am
379: Starla says:

I need to get an old fashioned alarm clock set up in my bedroom and shut my phone off while I’m sleeping. I’m such a stormy sleeper that I really will call him in my sleep. I even dialed his number in my dream, probably cuz I’m trying so hard to forget it in my waking life! LOL, I feel amused.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:20am
380: Femininewoman says:

Read More > > >

Answer:

Great question…

Part of your dilemma is cultural. Has anybody noticed, in the United States and possibly in similar cultures like UK and Australia, a sort of “third date” sex expectation or pressure? So you’re facing that challenge, too.

As you know, sexual attraction and flirtation don’t have to involve the sex act. If the guys is mature and if the attraction is strong, he’ll be able to hear the word “no,” especially when said in a conspiratorial spirit that communicated “hey, I really like you, I just want to take it slow.” (Cue Janet Jackson!)

What might help is having some dates during the DAYTIME…like lunch or a visit to the park or art museum. Make the date END during the day (i.e. “I have to go visit my aunt tonight.”)…and there will be less sex pressure AND you’ll be able to use your 7th Sense training to assess your friendship potential with the guy and his maturity level.

Not every date has to be a “hot” date at night. Throw some “cool” daytime dates in there. You’ll also preserve his sense of pride and level of masculinity by turning your observations to a positive – for example, simply telling him that “not talking about sex is the sexiest thing of all, and patience with it…” Then hopefully he’s smart enough to take the hint and save face…

And…we can’t say enough about masculinity and femininity. The more feminine you feel, the less you’ll “need” sex early on. The more masculine you make him feel through 1) flirting and 2) cheerleading him, the more likely he is to shift from “wanting” sex NOW to instead, “anticipating” the lovemaking without putting undue pressure on you.

Paul Dobransky

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:21am
381: GivingGirl says:

@376 FW

Thanks for sharing!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:27am
382: Jan says:

Thanks FeminineWoman for writing that. I am putting it up on my computer to help me from emailing. It’s sooooooooo hard.

Jan

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:28am
383: Femininewoman says:

Do you take courageous action on your own behalf? As women we were not really taught the value of courage, that was something reserved for boys. But being fully committed to loving someone and being vulnerable (which true love requires) demands that you have courage. It’s not easy to trust another human being with your deepest self; it can feel like a risk. But once you dive into a romantic relationship, it will require courage to hang in there to face the ups and downs. Other courageous actions you will need to take are: speaking up for yourself, honoring your boundaries, and telling the truth.
Your mindset to find love will change as you take action

Your mindset will be your greatest ally to help you find love and at the same time it will help you improve every area of your life

http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com/is-your-mindset-on-track-to-find-love/#more-2404

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:29am
384: Starla says:

Feeling amused that a few days feels like weeks to me.

Also finally consciously noticing how much I panic about preventing breakups in the warmer months, because I have this controlling idea that we absolutely must bond during this time!! One of my biggest “fears,” around not seeing CF anymore is that we won’t have a summer romance this year.

Aww, I love summer romance.:)

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:36am
385: Starla says:

Gosh, it feels good to finally start to extract some external factors contributing to my heartbroken feelings beyond our actual relationship. Those are the easiest beliefs to render powerless and lessen the overall sting.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:39am
386: siren song says:

I feel really really anxious today. I feel like i’m going to throw up. I feel really lonely and ignored. I went to a party with an old cd last night and he spent most of the night flirting with women who were much much younger than me. I felt so triggered.

I ended up calling the guy who is angy at me (big mistake). He hasn’t returned my message. Ugh. I knew i shouldn’t have called. I feel gross now.

I miss when he would ask me our for friday nights and we would go out and have a great time. I feel so sad.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 10:19am
387: Starla says:

((((((((((((siren song)))))))))))))))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 10:25am
388: Femininewoman says:

siren song it was not about you. He might have wanted to know he’s still got it. Maybe he thinks he is not good enough for them and was working to quell his own fears and insecurities. I would encourage you to speak up and walk away next time, if this happens again. These situations help us to notice ourselves and grow.

warm hugs

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 10:38am
389: siren song says:

Hmm…my reply didn’t show up…

Thanks for the comments, starla and fw. Love to you (and your fingers, fw)

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 10:48am
390: Turquoise says:

Hi sirens…..

Healing Waterfall, I feel so badly that you feel so invisible, but I’m glad you know it’s not true. I have felt that way before, but realized it was my nv’s and I just shoo them away when they come around. Everything will be ok.

Starla, I know exactly how you feel about the summer romances, sigh. I don’t n ormally have one, but always wish I did. You are in my thoughts, and I’m so glad you are getting out.

I did the yogurt mask last night, felt wonderful and I believe regular use will help my skin. I see a slight improvement already.

Getting ready for my date and feel it’s going to be a really nice second date. I’m excited!

C is on my mind, more than he should be….. But I am working through it.

Hugs!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:01am
391: siren song says:

I feel so sick for having called guy who is mad. Now i can’t stop thinking about my phone. Ew. I totally wanted something from him. I wanted him to make me feel better. I wanted him back.

I felt triggered and sad having nobody pay attention to me last night and today. I feel tiny and alone.

Am i addicted to male attention or something?

I feel totally weird.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:02am
392: siren song says:

I have a belief that i need male attention to have a good time! Omg. That’s what’s going on.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:03am
393: siren song says:

I can trace this back to being 14. It never entered my mind that i needed boys to have a good time until then.
I feel good. And scared.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:05am
394: Starla says:

ok, i pulled myself nicely together and off to lunch and class and work i go. be back tonight, sirens (((((((((blog))))))))))))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:08am
395: Femininewoman says:

siren song it is more than just the attention. It is the adventure, masculine strength, their very presence that brings that feeling of aaaahhhh (home). When I acknowledge that and stopped hiding from it I was better able to bask in the abundance out there.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:11am
396: Lucy says:

Starla, I love summer romance too….

Oh, that makes me think of that sad sad Keith Urban song When Summer Comes Around…. I think that’s what it’s called….

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:32am
397: Coco Kisses says:

Today I feel very sad…..i had to put down my beloved dog who was suffering from bone cancer….i am heartbroken…not only that, yesterdsy wiyhout any wsrning, my boss informed me and my coworker that she had to let us go, because she could no longer afford to pay us…so now i have to start all over again from scratch with no clients ..i know that god doesnt give u more than u can handle but can i please have so joy and success in my life, and more importantly, some true love

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:33am
398: Lucy says:

FW, I love this:

“it is more than just the attention. It is the adventure, masculine strength, their very presence that brings that feeling of aaaahhhh (home).” Mmmm.

And this:

“Other courageous actions you will need to take are: speaking up for yourself, honoring your boundaries, and telling the truth.”

I feel proud of myself for having that courage this time around. I feel sad that the outcome wasn’t different, but it feels good that I was brave.

Thanks for sharing these, FW. <3

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:40am
399: Jennifer says:

*facepalm* I’m an arse.
my brother gave my number to a guy at work. We went for coffee….he’s at the start of a divorce and totally tensed out. Stressed to the max.
We had a two hour chat about our lives, advice was exchanged all and all a nice chat.
But totally no chemistry.
I feel like such an arse hole.
He’s texting me, telling me he thinks I’m beautiful and smart and great to be around and I’m thinking….blah. Don’t touch me.
*sigh* I wander around in circles, complaining to anyone who’ll listen that men don’t see me. I’m invisible. If they do they’re jerks, they only want one thing.
This guy shows up…complimenting me and listening to me and on and on…and what do I do? Grey out.
I’m an idiot.
This is ridiculous.
Fer cryin out loud….

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:18pm
400: Daria says:

ohhh Feminine Woman I love what you wrote about masculine strength and adventure….

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:30pm
401: Lucy says:

THE RORI RAYE MANTRA

Trust Your Boundaries
Follow Your Feelings
Choose Your Words
Be Surprised

“Because I know what I will not tolerate, because I can feel what I feel, because I’ve stated clearly what I feel and don’t want, I can let go of control.” (Rori Raye)

I love Rori. I feel such deep and joyful gratitude for her work and her help, even in the midst of my grief.

Even though this relationship did not go the way I had hoped, the experience of it – my first relationship that began after learning Rori’s work – has created a sense so strong inside myself that Rori’s ideas really are a bright light shining on the path of lasting relationship and love.

Of course I did not do everything perfectly, or even close, but I have no regrets.

I feel peaceful and joyful about the feeling of integrity I have for not going down the blame/control/explaining path I went down with my ex-h.

Yes, I did some of that, but only a teeny tiny fraction compared to the past.

Giving up “explaining” has been the hardest, and where I faltered most – yet I stopped myself so many times and made different choices, miraculously much for me!

The RR mantra is incredible when you put it into practice – it “works” – not to “get you everything you want,” that’s not what I mean by “works”….

It works to make you feel congruent with love -

both love of yourself, and love of the other.

It makes you feel peaceful, not panicky.

It makes you feel proud and respectable, not ashamed and guilty.

It makes you feel strong inside while soft and vulnerable outside.

It makes you feel competent.

It makes you feel alive and free.

It makes you feel joyful, even when you are hurting.

I feel so grateful. I feel a great deal of pain and sorrow right now and am grieving the loss of some really special moments and the promise of more to come with this particular man.

Yet I feel hope. I feel courageous.

I still love him and always will.

My life goes on, and I will continue to trust myself, follow my feelings, choose my words, and be surprised.

Life is good.

<3
Lucy

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:31pm
402: Daria says:

(((Jennifer))) Thats how it is at first, I was not used to receiving and opening up to any men that were not part of my past patterns..

Babysteps!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:32pm
403: Daria says:

(((((((((((Lucy)))))))))))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:36pm
404: Daria says:

guy i went out with last nite kinda went on a rant how its not worth it for him to take that risk (he had a couple drinks but he was ok ) and drive so far late nite and he would get a hotel but doesnt want to pay for it and stay alone

basically to me it seemed he was ranting over me not staying iwth him

i had alredy told him i wasnt

before we left

to go there

so now i feel a bit scared and put off and disappointed

im like ok this is how come i had that boundary of not oging out of town w men the first tiem (and this wasnt far it was still close)

mmm

yeah that felt bad and i notice i wanna ‘punish’ him by not seeing him again and ialso feel all open

i lened back and he did say well its not your fault this is me and my planning

but gosh i dnot wanna hear bout it while im there i felt bad and pressured and turend off and

angry

and i feel glad im writing about it wow

(((Daria)))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:44pm
405: Daria says:

I had fun going to a poppin bar just like i had been wanting to go!!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:45pm
406: Daria says:

now im being invited to hang out at an after party with my guy friend!

wow my life is takin off like Lizka!

for me it was the healing of that kindergarten moment thing that shifted my everyday state of being/ feeling

i feel so easily included in stuff now and like its easy to chill w cool people and they want me to

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:49pm
407: Lucy says:

Thank you Daria. (((((Daria))))) <3

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:50pm
408: Daria says:

oh yeah GetRight called AGAIN yesterday and wanted to see me

he was still in his gruff voice and i actually LISTENED TO HIM (i realized in that moment how i would just get annoeyd and nto listen)

and relaized of course as i knew all the time – IT IS A JOKE!! his roughness is a joke the whole time and i wasnt getting it

i was at first but then started gettinga ll ‘serious’ and was missing the joke

now it was easy to say awww hehe i feel flattered yes i miss u too

he probably even found a ride for me (i considered then declined going to him on my own, though he had suggested my taking the bus)

but i already had accepted a date with guy from last nite so i didnt pick up that call

yay!

my energy has opened

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:52pm
409: Daria says:

yesterday i woke up and cried for hours over dead friends and the way it felt meeting them and now im thinking of Guywho (he knows them too)

and i cried over those moments and how incredible it felt and prayed to have that feeling wehnever and i feel more open and fly now… more open towards Guywho too and ike i can bring in that feeling of amazement i had with him in my everday whenever i want

(((Daria)))

Im feeling lovely to have this

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:54pm
410: Daria says:

it felt good and profound to really bring in the moment of being with those friends and connect with them

i dont usually cry over my passed away peoples so i felt surprised and deep

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:56pm
411: Jennifer says:

awww….D.
He just didn’t do it for me. He’s smaller than me. Like he’s 5’5″ maybe 140 lbs. I’m 5’7″ and 200 lbs. I don’t feel attracted to men who are smaller than me. Which is dumb. Their height does not translate into their masculinity.
Ima jerk.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 12:59pm
412: Daria says:

Jennifer – thats ok, see so much to practice with here…

first off chance to love on myself and the guilt i feel not beign attreacted to someone and the jdugemetns on myslef about the reason i think – its petty, bad, shouldnt be an issue etc

this is BIG for me, i used to not be attracte dto ‘big’ or ‘nice’ men babystepping to not judging myeslf AND realizing its not that actually and i AM attracted to some and it was something else that was turning me off all along! while i was judging myself!

so thats something to embrace and shift and heal right there!

then theres all the ‘he HAS to do it for me pressure’ i do feel so much better when i don’t put pressure on myself fo rthe guy to do it for me!

my ‘boyfriendiest’ Cd, Neighbor CD … STILL doesn’t do it for me yet, and yet our rleationship is feeling the closest yet and he contributes to my life in ways that feel good!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 1:13pm
413: Daria says:

its all about the practicing the tools with the men yay!

go Daria…

im feeling anxiousness and wanting to find some guy to take me out, really i can take my own self out

i feel afraid of ‘tension energy’ w my parents as they’re wroking something out for me in my closet adn i dont want to be treated bad and i feel scared of it

(((Daria)))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 1:16pm
414: Daria says:

im feelin kinaa sad now

(((D)))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 1:17pm
415: Jennifer says:

ok…what’s this? The he HAS to do it for me pressure? Doesn’t he have to do it for me? Isn’t that the whole point? I feel confused.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 1:37pm
416: GivingGirl says:

((((((((Coco kisses))))))))) I’m so sorry.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 1:42pm
417: GivingGirl says:

((((Lucy))))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 1:47pm
418: GivingGirl says:

((((Daria)))) I feel bad too when men try to use guilt to get me to change my mind. So many do that.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 1:54pm
419: Radlove says:

I am beside myself with this R thing. I know he will contact me again. But I’ve messed it up so many times, and he has pushed me away so many times that I am beginning to think I’ve used up my 70X7, know what I mean?

I just fell asleep at the computer. Totally zonked. I don’t know if I want to take a formal nap cuz there’s a party in West Chester at someone’s home at 7, and what I really need to do is shower, change, and cook something to take for the pot luck dinner. Something! But I guess I don’t even feel like cooking for that. I guess I feel discouraged from cooking because I am so sick of food bank food.

The only reason I have gas money is cuz I returned the brakes yesterday that my neighbor didn’t install. And if I go tonight, that means no gas for church tomorrow. So I am feeling stifled. I really want and need to be around people tonight tho. Ugh.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:02pm
420: LoveAlways says:

Good afternoon Sirens:

I feel bad that I am not able to catch up on the blog these past few weeks. I just don’t feel the attention span to read. I’m so deep into my feelings, every minute, each whim, I feel like a bouncing ball. But it’s all good. I miss conversing with you all and responding to your posts – please be patient, I need some time – I just jump on the blog to imprint my feelings, and you know, it’s also the process of sharing.

Anyway, Just wanted to share that for the first time, I’m sitting down, by myself, deep in thought . . . SCRIPTING!!! Woo Hoo! It has been a major metal block for me for the past 7 months since I’ve been using Rori’s programs. I just couldn’t do it. Especially with CD song. No script seemed to work, he is just mean and surly sometimes and does not respond. Well, I haven’t gotten up the energy to tackle that lion, but I am scripting for CD assertive.

Never got to Targeting Mr. Right this weekend because I keep listening to Commitment Blueprint. I was even getting a pedicure with my ear buds in! Something Rori said in this program that got me feeling something totally different, in the blink of an eye – she was talking about stepping away and seeing him in a different light and then realizing that he turns you off. That struck a nerve with me, and it changed the scripts I was writing. Had to get deeper into my feelings – and I realize that I can’t determine the outcome of this situation – he has to. So I’m spending a lovely saturday afternoon with a lovely view, a pen and pretty yellow notebook.

Namaste,

LoveAlways

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:02pm
421: Radlove says:

I am not feeling very compassionate with my weak parts right now.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:03pm
422: Aurora Girl says:

376

Re FW’s post about men, their fears, their need to have someone validate and reassure them they can do it……

yes….I think true in many cases……and if they’ve erred they need our noting it (….”I feel sad when I’m called a “…”….”I don’t want to be called that…..) and then they need to sit with it and fix it…and we need to let them feel it and correct it for themselves too…..and not rescue them or find blame or personalize it for ourselves….

my sweety and I spoke about an issue that came up this past week (I wrote above it way above…when he called me a derogatory name thinking it meant something else)….it was hard but we are moving through it…..I am trying to keep the nv’s from taking hold…..

decided to go ahead and drive to visit him this weekend….he has been doing 85% of the driving this winter……damtnt didn’t I get a speeding ticket! yuck….didn’t see the slow down signs on a minor highway…….:(

trying to stay positive and grow up instead of down….

lol

xo
Aurora

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:04pm
423: GivingGirl says:

I was at my parents house to drive them to the airport. My mom is always super critical of my dad. She was walking at the back of the house and said, “didn’t I tell you to bring the toothpaste?!” My dad got a smile on his face and said, “uh, yes, you did.” in a tone knowing he forgot. She got all mad, “I only asked you to do one thing and you couldn’t even do it!”

Then, we’re getting ready to leave and he finishes his coffee and puts the cup in the dishwasher. She says, “you just couldn’t leave it clean!”. He’s all confused, “Leave what clean?” She says, “the dishwasher!” He said, “do you want to wash the mug?” She said, “no!” He said, “well then?”

I don’t ever want my relationship to be like that.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:05pm
424: Aurora Girl says:

…going to go watch a movie with his 80 year old mom this evening when he is at work….girls night ..lol she is otherwise all alone this weekend as her family is away……

she’s already called me her daughter in law…..very cute….but not so sure I’m comfortable with it yet.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:07pm
425: Radlove says:

LoveAlways,

Thanks for sharing! I relate. Glad you are progressing.

Lately I feel like I am regressing. I feel so frustrated with myself. I have been brainwashing myself with Rori’s tools and all this healing stuff for three years now. Mentally, I GET it.

But emotionally, when I feel sunk in isolation, I just forget it all and just reach out to R like I am drowning…in desperation. And I just keep messing up with him with my needy vibe.

I’m lonely. Sorry for existing men, but I feel way to da*n fu*king lonely.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:08pm
426: Aurora Girl says:

love always….
can you elaborate on this :

“got me feeling something totally different, in the blink of an eye – she was talking about stepping away and seeing him in a different light and then realizing that he turns you off.” That struck a nerve with me, and it changed the scripts I was writing. Had to get deeper into my feelings – and I realize that I can’t determine the outcome of this situation – he has to.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:10pm
427: Aurora Girl says:

Giving Girl
I felt sad when I read the exchange between your parents….I’ve heard it so many places….between sibs…between parents….between parents and children……

((((Giving Girl))))

xo
Aurora

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:13pm
428: Daria says:

Jennifer – mm i used to think so, and maybe a part of me still believes that (((that part of me Daria)))

what its about is not necessarily that now for me, more abotu RECEIVING what each man offers to make my life better…

not so much about whether he is turning me on sexually … just opening my heart and receiving and trusting that the turning on thing will happen at a time that is good for me

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:16pm
429: GivingGirl says:

@426 & 427 Aurora Girl

Thank you

426 is what I just went through with BoatGuy. I decided to take a step back and I felt very turned off by his actions (or lack thereof) and a little embarrassed I’ve been allowing him to fly me like a kite at his whim. I no longer felt the need to keep things alive and contact him. He was giving me what I didn’t want and not giving me what I wanted.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:23pm
430: Aurora Girl says:

Giving Girl

I can see…..stepping back and seeing in a different light…..moves us to shift our approach…..

I find it tricky sometimes….I can see someone in one light one moment….and in another in a different moment…..I struggle with this sometimes…because no one’s perfect……men are not perfect….they have these great sides to them….and not so great sides to them……my “deal breakers” don’t shift….(the stuff I wont’ tolerate-abuse…..heavy substance use….etc.) but sometimes the little things teeter totter….annoying…understanding….annoying….understanding…….lol

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:33pm
431: s says:

can someone help me.. he just broke up with me and i miss him so bad what do i do :’(

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:35pm
432: Radlove says:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{S}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}},

Fall to the floor…..sink into your feelings…allow yourself to cry your heart out. Journal here until your fingers cramp. Cry some more. Call your girlfriends. Cry some more. Paint yourself in love, caressing yourself like a fragile porcelain doll as you shower. Cry some more.

try to not contact him….

I know, it’s hard.

Hugs, Radlove.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:42pm
433: Aurora Girl says:

(((((((((((((((((((((( s ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

…….hugs
…….love to you.
…….shoulders to lean on…
…….sirens that understand…………..

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:42pm
434: siren song says:

(((S)))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 2:51pm
435: Daria says:

(((((s))))) accept attention from other men… make an online dating profile immediately… attention from other men is one of tho most soothing energy shifts for me… it helps me so much and im learning to feel good about receiving it instead of judging myself for enjoying it and having it feel so pwoerful for me

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 3:00pm
436: Radlove says:

I wish I could will myself to just not like men. Durn!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 3:04pm
437: LoveAlways says:

Radlove
#425
“Lately I feel like I am regressing. I feel so frustrated with myself. I have been brainwashing myself with Rori’s tools and all this healing stuff for three years now. Mentally, I GET it.~But emotionally, when I feel sunk in isolation, I just forget it all and just reach out to R like I am drowning…in desperation. And I just keep messing up with him with my needy vibe.~I’m lonely. Sorry for existing men, but I feel way to da*n fu*king lonely.”

I am so with you! This is what I feel sometimes, LONELY, and I’m with my CDs but I’m lonely. I love CD assertive, but I’m lonely, and so this has to do with my reaction to these men and how it makes me feel. There is no easy answer – that is what I’m learning, but I also have to keep feeling.

I understand your feeling about brainwashing because you think it, you understand it, you practice it, but you keep having the same reactions. For me, the best I can do at this point is to stay in my feelings, and THIS is a whole new ball game for me in my quest for love (oh, and I just admitted to myself that I AM looking for love). So I’m curious, are you in your feelings Radlove? Whether it’s desperation, neediness, loneliness – how does it feel after you get into that feeling? I’M FEELING CLUELESS!!!! But I think it’s okay, because I’ve never had this end result feeling before. It’s normally pain or feeling stupid/embarrassed/alone that I feel, but this time it’s all different. I’m clueless and I don’t know what else to do but feel, and script and strive to stay positive, but then I want to be held and kissed and there’s no one to do that for me what means anything real, and I’m back to crying into my sleeve that I’m a grown woman looking for love like a teenager still.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 3:19pm
438: LoveAlways says:

Aurora Girlsays:
# 426 – “love always…. can you elaborate on this : “got me feeling something totally different, in the blink of an eye – she was talking about stepping away and seeing him in a different light and then realizing that he turns you off.” That struck a nerve with me, and it changed the scripts I was writing. Had to get deeper into my feelings – and I realize that I can’t determine the outcome of this situation – he has to.”

CD assertive and I are not speaking to each other, and it’s probably over between us (and it’s a stupid misunderstanding). So I was listening to Commitment Blueprint to figure out how do I step back and what do I do when/if he does a turn around. I’m not lifting a finger to make things right, etc. But then, when I heard that section of the program about the turnaround, Rori says you take a different look at the guy and you see him differently. So at that moment, I did, and I didn’t like him, and I was turned off. And I realized that deep inside I was feeling like this is not going to work out because I’m not liking how he makes me feel and that his actions lately make him unattractive to me. Literally turned off. So, he has to turn around, lean forward and I’m still not sure how I’m going to feel about me and him, but I do know that if he does nothing, there will be absolutely nothing, because he wont be hearing from me or anything – that’s what I meant by it’s up to him. My scripts changed because I’m ready to share these feelings that I don’t want the type of relationship we are in and I have no way of knowing what is going to happen when I use these scripts, but I can only speak my truth. His responses will ultimately determine the conversation and the outcome.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 3:29pm
439: LoveAlways says:

((((((((((((((((((S))))))))))))))))
Get into your feelings and break up with him (even if you don’t tell him). Release yourself from that feeling of being pushed away. Start a plan to circular date (see Daria’s post to you). Even if you can’t get yourself going on it, at least plan it out. The workbook in targeting mr right has a great section in it for planning your circular dating.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 3:32pm
440: Starla says:

wow, so many male eyes on me today:)
I felt pretty when I left the house. This superfine guy stopped to talk to me and it lit me up even more and it just carries and carries. Men have always been very drawn to me. I feel magical.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 3:39pm
441: Starla says:

((((((s))))))))))
recently happened to me.
Just start by sending lots of love to yourself. I put on a broken record in my head that said “love to me love to me love to me,” even if it felt fake or like a lie. This set a really good tone. Now, no matter how desperate and alone and confused I’m feeling, I have enough self-love in place to keep me from turning to HIM for relief.

Imagine how you can use this time to reinvent yourself or just focus on you.

Embrace your freedom.

Try to think of the sh*tty things your BF did, too. When guys break up with us, we suddenly forget how lame they were to us.

Spam the blog if you need to. Just vent and cry here. It’s all good. <3

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 4:05pm
442: Brandylion says:

Lizka, (and any other marathoners)

I read this passage in the marathon training book I’m following, and I felt so inspired that I wanted to share it with you:

There is a start and a finish, and in between you just run. That’s when you find out who you are and what you’re made of.

The guy the authors quoted had some other good stuff to say too, but that is my favorite part.

Also, I emailed your gmail account so I can be a FB siren too.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 4:23pm
443: Luzydel says:

Second meeting with “parkguy” again, no strong over the top chemistry, but it feels good and connected, and he does step up and respect my boundaries of no sex until I feel safe; so i let him touch me subtly and he gave me a small peck in the lips before saying good bye. He seems to understand what I am doing so far. I am treating all Meetings equally this time, so no “X” rated stuff . Another guy wanted to go out today, but I had previous plans and I told me that tomorrow I was available; he hasn’t return my message.
Another guy call me today also, no meeting scheduled yet. “parkguy” is the only one who has kept contact after a first meeting and now second meeting, The others just faded away; but new ones are coming in.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 4:48pm
444: Lilli says:

@Toni: I can totallt relate to what you are writing, I feel so the same way. How you intellectually kno and can see yourself, and yet emotionallay you get all stired around.

Im intrested in how you are handeling it. And how it goes.

Me myself right now, am feeling so confused. My head its spinning and my feelings and thought are all over the place. Cant seem to be able to spell even… (and yes I am also in Europe so this isnt my own language letters all twirl around..

Sight..!

I have been with a man for one year. Its my first long and better relationship since me and my husband after an eight years marraiage seperated. I was then heartbroken for a long time and went in to some kind of hibernation for years to follow – in order to heal and find my own ground again.
This new man. Is a good man. We are both in our 40′s we both have grown children. And we have been having an excellent communication and emotional/spiritial understanding and on top of that surprisingly tender and intimate sex. In other words I truelly feel that I in this man have found apart from a good man (and great dad to his children) actually a good partner for my self… with someting to pay attention to and grow.
And yet… the last months.. I just keep crying and arguing with him. Mainly because I keep feeling “second”.. or in other words of less importance.
He has while we have been dating been in a separation with his wife since twenty years back. According to him (and his friends) they been only holding it toghether the last 6 years for the childring, simly being parents then husband and wife… and when I meet him that was also a feeling that I got from him… that in many ways he wasnt in a emotional chaos (depsite the divorce and moving situation) but he seemed calm and well aware of his feelings..

I have had the worst possible dates the last years. Picking men that on all possible ways have been confirming any negative idea I might have on men..
So when I meet this man, thru coomon workfriends, I was surprised of how mature he seemed and yet liked me (you can notice my pattern here.. eh… of low selfasteem, willing to surpass myself into the catagory of: inadequate and unlovable . And tho I had second thought on his yet unfinished marrage, thru those overboard in order to open up to a man.. that perhaps actually would be able to penetrate my armed shelters. And he did.

With kindness and tenderness – he saw me, and quitely wondered why if I truelly needed to stay armed at all times.

He has been good to me. And I to him. We truelly have been caring and attentiv friends to each other. And passionate lovers.

And yet, like I said… I feel secondary. I feel as if he is not truelly enagged in me. And when I think about it coldly, I can very well see that what he needs is time to move into his new flat, and find his own way, alone, with his children. Before he can engage in a new relationship further then just friendship and bedtimepartners…

Sight… !!!!!! And I know Rori will now tell me, that I have corned my self in, and that I should circulair date, and focus on me. Wont you?

But I so badly want it to work out! I dont want to fuck it up. (sorry the language) I refuse to loose!

And there…. there is the problem. I see it. I hear me. I so desperately want to be in a loving relationship that I squeeeeeze the life out of it.
But I truelly dont know how. I have previously either been pursued (in love) or dedicated myself and made things work (in work and motherhood). I dont trust that things will work out if I let go, if I go soft, if I dont stir things. If I beleived he was ready, and willing. Then maybe… but I dont think he is. I think I need to let go in order for him to figure it out on his own. And then, I feel all alone, and lost again. And tho I know I am neither. I am a strong self suffient woman who has raised a beutiful and warm son, and made a carrier as a travel journalist.. I am not lost in the world. And yet……………… I feeeeeeel lost. I feeel so utterly undecridebel alone. And it makes me feel so frightened – actaully paniced. That its going to be like that for even more years to come. And that I will get old and ungly and… even more alone.

And of course, feeling all this feelings and seeing them come and show up showing of their little ugly faces.. knowing in my head it is likely not to stay true.. makes me feel even more like a basked case. And well yes.. acting like one too.

So today: he asked me if I wanted to meet up this evening. I said yes. Like always we didnt do any certain plans (he doesnt seem to know how – and loves to “surprise and show up”) so I when time ticked and he dint get back to me on when and where, made my own plans. I dint exclude him, but i didnt sit around getting sader and angrier. I went for a walk in the setting sun, I bought berries and planned to make a pie. I even planned what movie to see i he wouldnt call me until even later. And I felt good about myself. I felt that I was doing my thing, and that felt nice. And then he called, apologiezed for not getting back earlier but explained it with that he and his kids had fun playing fotboll. So he wondered if we could meet out. I said that I was not in the mood for going out, and that I was in the middle of pie making. He seemed stunned..

I asked him what he thought.. He said he thouhgt we had plannes to go out. I explained how I had experienced our communication and how that made me feel. He said that he hadnt been thinking. (still sounding stunned – I guess I usally am on stand by, and that this behaviour was knew to him/us) I said I had been looking forward in meeting him, and that he was welcome. He said after a long paus that he was looking forward in going out for a beer.

This conversation on the telephone goes on for a while.. Im getting more and more angry, he is quite.
I try to stick to my feelings. But I also explain way too much. Inside of me Im feeling pissed. For him asuming that all day I should have been on stand by, and now when I here he doent choose to meet me, but do “his thing”. So I tell him I am going to hand up, beacsue I am way to upset to continue talking.
He says ok. And thats it.

I hand up, and cry my eyes out. Idiot! … but who is the idiot – he or I? He forbeing such and selfish ashole not willing to change his plannes, or I for even thining that this guy just because he has his things together means he is devoted and engaged in a relationship to me?! Right, he is not? No man in love would choose an anomymous bar and a beer above good company of a loving partner.

Or is it me? I know I have trust issues, we have spoken about them many times before (and I have thought that his behaviour previously have been beacsue he choose his ex-wife above me, or he wanted to be open and flirt with pther women… but that isnt the case. I am sure of it. He simply.. doesnt get it or doesnt want to get it.) So what about me….?
Do I leave him, focus on me? Being open to others and to him if he would match up. Because I dont think I can. I cant stay a little open, my damm cracks open… I feel as if I have to keep myself all closed to function.

Final sight… Thanks for the ear.
Lilli

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 4:49pm
445: GivingGirl says:

430: Aurora Girl

I hear ya! Every one has issues and no one is perfect. I don’t think it’s really about that. I think it’s about what meets your needs. Some people just are not good for each other.

I was starting to feel like an FWB, more than someone he was dating. I’m not comfy with FWB & he knows that. Last time I saw him was Easter & before that was St. Paddy’s. I stopped contacting him and he’s text me a couple times, just randomness, but haven’t heard from him in 2 days. He can tell there’s a difference in me and honestly, I don’t expect to hear from him.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:11pm
446: GivingGirl says:

(((S))) It’s ok to be sad. Time will be your friend. It helps to come here and just talk about how your feeling.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:14pm
447: GivingGirl says:

@438 Love Always

I’m feeling that exact same way right now.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:18pm
448: Brandylion says:

Sirens, I reposted my OkCupid profile last Saturday, and after an initial flood of men (7 in the first two days!), only one more new one has contacted me and most of those first ones have poofed. I feel weird that maybe there’s stuff in my profile that is turning men off, especially since I added stuff during the week and haven’t put anything in about what I’m looking for.

I’d like to tell myself that only the wrong ones will be turned off, but I would feel better if someone who has CDed before would take a look and email me feedback. If you’re willing to do that for me, my user name is brandylion37 and my email address is that same name at yahoo.com. Thanks!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 5:59pm
449: siren song says:

did some of byron katie’s ‘the work’ on the angry guy and how much i think i want him suddenly today.

i feel much better.

i feel like he does love me and did try very hard to make it work. i feel happy that he’s on my horse. i want him to be happy and me to be happy.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 6:01pm
450: Starla says:

siren song 448, i really like this post. It got my gears turning in a different direction and it feels much better.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 6:28pm
451: Radlove says:

I’m at a party with 60 to 70 people, yet I fee/ closely connected w my email and internet on my phone.

What’s wrong with this picture??

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 6:38pm
452: Lucy says:

Hugs to all the sirens tonight… including (((s)))

I am feeling … hmm…. lots of things… weird and a little smiley and slightly annoyed and somewhat exasperated and confused and full of love and heartache and bewilderment and more smiles … due to my guy who is no longer my guy POKING me just now on facebook! What?

Radlove, I wish we lived closer – it would be great to be able to get together last minute for loneliness emergency teas. <3

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 6:38pm
453: Radlove says:

Lucy,

Ty, me too. At least he is being kind.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 6:45pm
454: Lucy says:

I was just studying Rori’s tool kit again… the control/surrender words… and I found an answer to something that has been bothering me:

I have used the words “I don’t want to be treated like this” several times in my relationship, and I always felt a little uncomfortable with the way it sounds/feels….

and here in Rori’s chart I found something I like better:

“I don’t want to tolerate this.”

The old one feels slightly victim-y,

and the new one feels more like owning the responsibility and power.

How do other sirens feel about this?

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 6:54pm
455: GivingGirl says:

@453 Lucy

It feels parental to me. I like, “I feel like…..I don’t want to feel like that.”

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:01pm
456: Lucy says:

Giving Girl…. thanks… hmmm. .. that feels interesting that it feels parental to you…

I like your idea.. yet for me, it gives me a bit of a helpless feeling…. “I don’t want to feel like that…”

because we can’t have an expectation that he will “fix it”… although I am thinking now, maybe we can add:

“I feel like…..I don’t want to feel like
that. What do you think we can do about it?”

How does that feel?

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:18pm
457: Jessie1000 says:

Hi Radlove
When Im at a party…I pick out the oldest person in the crowd….the older the better….they are always the most uncomfortable and the most willing to make conversations usually….i go right over and be very friendly….hope it helps?
Kisses honey
Hope things are welll

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:25pm
458: GivingGirl says:

Lucy….hmmm, I don’t know. I’m not saying it expecting an outcome. I’ve been thinking about this in case BoatGuy contacts me and I was going to say, “I feel more and more like an FWB and I don’t want to feel like that.” I’m not expecting him to fix it. I feel it’s my way of saying it’s not what I want, which means I won’t be participating.

How does that feel?

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 7:31pm
459: Lucy says:

Giving Girl, I see. So you’re basically telling him you’re not going to do what you’ve been doing anymore, is that right?

In my case, it’s about the times he made critical or accusing or blaming statements to me (okay, well, my perception that they were that way)…

So if I said “I feel bad hearing that. I don’t want to feel like this”

I would have to just leave anyway, so as not to hear it and feel that way.

But really, I would have liked us to find a way to help each other…. and i tried to say that… and I did say it really, but maybe not in words that he was able to hear.

Maybe it would have helped if i had said, “I feel bad hearing that. I don’t want to feel like this. What do you think we can do about it?”

I guess I thought I had said basically that, but not in exactly those words, and it seemed like he just changed the subject/focus, and didn’t offer any solution (other than more words about how the problem is me, because he’s NOT criticizing/blaming/accusing and it’s my issue.)

So, in the end, I just had to walk away.

And that’s okay.

I guess I’m just trying to see what I can learn about doing better next time I get in a similar situation, with whomever.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:11pm
460: GivingGirl says:

Lucy, yes, that is correct. Although, I don’t think I’ll have to say it because I don’t think he’ll contact me. He runs from stuff like this and I have not been acting like usual, so he knows something is up. I think he’ll just walk away without a word and that’s what I will do too. I’ve already said how I feel so many times.

I don’t know. It’s tough. What if you were to say, “I will not be spoken to this way.” and then walk out of the room? How does that feel?

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:20pm
461: Lucy says:

uh oh

What do you all think of this?

Complaining is not supposed to be a good thing for anyone to do, right?

Well, I looked up the definition

“to express grief, pain, or discontent”

Um. Doesn’t that sound like a Feeling Message?

So does that mean that when we express “negative” feelings we are Complaining?

I feel possible disappointment about this.*

(*I was making a face that expressed how I was feeling but couldn’t identify the feeling in words, so I asked my daughter to look at my face and tell me what it looked like i was feeling. She laughed and then said “Disappointment… or possible disappointment – like you might be disappointed but are hoping maybe you won’t be.”)

I find that my face is naturally very emotionally expressive, yet I don’t always know what words to use for my feelings. (That’s part of why I don’t like talking on the phone.)

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:21pm
462: Lucy says:

“I will not be spoken to this way” — hmmm…. well, now that feels parental to ME.

Funny how we all have different associations with different word combinations, isn’t it?

Makes it really tough! because maybe the guy’s associations are way different from ours too. :/

Thanks so much for talking about this with me, GG.

Gotta go for now.

<3
Lucy

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:24pm
463: GivingGirl says:

@460 Lucy

Yes, I believe most people feel anything negative is complaining. There’s no way around it, but everything can’t be perfect and positive all the time. I feel people who would call it complaining are the one’s who don’t want to understand and deal.

I’m also very expressive with my facial expressions. I don’t even realize it sometimes.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:27pm
464: GivingGirl says:

LOL, I guess it does sound parental. It’s true though, we all feel different things, that’s why things are so hard to figure out!

Have a good night, Lucy!!

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:30pm
465: Starla says:

My horoscope warns me that tomorrow I will feel an impulsive urgency to contact an ex or spend a lot of money. I know it’s just some silly horoscope, but I am going to shut my phone off tomorrow and just take a day in all to myself and go really into myself.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 8:40pm
466: GivingGirl says:

Mr. Observant is on FB & it would feel so nice if he would chat with me.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:12pm
467: s says:

wow.. you girls are really awesome.. thank you so much.. i feel scared to try the whole circle dating thing.. i seem to get attached so easily.. it’s not good at times i feel like i will be fine, and then i get a burst of hopelessness. grr..

thank you again for all the responses.. it really helped me to read those even though it made me cry.. makes me feel that we are all in this together.. everybody deals with heartbreak at some point right..
feels good to know i’m not alone

doesn’t make it suck any less!..

thanks

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 9:17pm
468: Starla says:

aaaand I just shut off my phone for bed time and put it somewhere hard to get to, since I have such vivid dreams about calling CF.
LOL “crazy” Starla. You poor dear. You miss him terribly but at least you’re doing the sensible thing in making it as hard as possible for you to “go there.”

Ohhh (((my brain)))))

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 10:02pm
469: Lucy says:

I just saw this intriguing quote:

When a girl says “I’m done,”
it usually means “fight for me.”

Aw. That really resonates deep in me.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 10:28pm
470: Starla says:

Lucy, that resonates for me too. And I try to remember that it is also a mindf*ck and a half. I always try to remember to tread lightly with that one.

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 10:39pm
471: Emerson says:

Healing Waterfall
I”m sorry you feel like an invisible siren.
((HW))
Thank you for expressing and being authentic…

Saturday, 28 April 2012 @ 11:48pm
472: Memulo says:

Starla,

You probably feel that CF is someone who really cared about you unlike many people in your life who were supposed to care about you, but were too unhappy/busy with their own problems. What if I tell you that you will meet many more people who will care about you, maybe even better. They are out there, men and women, you just need to meet them, have faith and give them a chance.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:55am
473: Memulo says:

I feel unhappy about the way I handled a conflict with SmartCD last week ;(

He was calling me every night and we we had really nice long conversations. He asked for my address to send me flowers/visit and I didn’t give it right away, but on Friday morning I texted it to him. He called and asked: is it for a visit or for gifts? I said – a visit would feel really nice. We started talking about something else and talked for a while but there were no plans for him to visit, so I got upset at some point and said ok, I have to go. He asked – why do you have to go all of the sudden? I said – it would feel really good to see you. He said – ok, what if I come over next weekend? Is next weekend good? I felt all happy and said ok, next weekend is good.

Then we hung up and shortly I texted him: ‘only next weekend’. He replied immediately: ‘is it a question or a statement?’ I felt angry and upset and didn’t understand his question, so I didn’t reply. Only the next day, in the afternoon I texted back: ‘Oh it was a feeling of regret’. and then told him that 1st part of my application process got approved and they submitted my papers for the 2nd stage. I haven’t heard back since..

I feel bad that was taken off guard somehow when we were on the phone and didn’t say how I felt about him not visiting and even yesterday instead of texting I could call and express my feelings.. double stupidity

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:17am
474: Aurora Girl says:

((((Memulo)))

I felt sad when I read your post…..because it seemed like the texting might have been met with some misinterpretation, first his trying to clarify and then you trying to clarify….and oh then some yuk?

and nvs that run rampant?

xo
Aurora

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:29am
475: GivingGirl says:

((((Memulo))))

Yes, sometimes texts are taken out of context. I’ve experienced it many times. Not understanding if a statement or a question, or when they are being humorous, but I feel it’s a dig. I feel bad when that happens. Maybe a phone call would make you feel better?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:37am
476: Radlove says:

{{{Healing Waterfall}}},

RE: #362 – I grew up feeling emotionally neglected, too. I really enjoy your posts, and I appreciate it when you respond to my posts.

I think it is unfortunate that we can’t click to “Like” here, like you can on facebook. Because there are hundreds of posts I read that I never comment on, only because it’s just not practical in terms of time and energy. And I feel sure that is true of all of us.

I especially like your name, and I have long identified with a waterfall. I am a water fanatic to begin with, and I love the image of a waterfall.

Hugs! Radlove

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:57am
477: Memulo says:

Thank you Aurora and GivingGirl,

Yes I thought at first that he was joking and it didn’t feel like a good joke to me. But now that I texted him yesterday in early afternoon and haven’t heard back anything, do I need to call??

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:01am
478: Aurora Girl says:

Giving Girl

yes I agree…and I experienced it this past week…..oh it just brought up yuk….that couldn’t really be resolved well until my sweety and I saw each other in person…….

Memulo….I found that just holding on….not giving into NVs and breathing through the tension and staying open and aware was oh so helpful….even though i didn’t know the outcome….

~~~~****~~~~good vibes to you..
xo
Aurora

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:02am
479: Radlove says:

I had a rough night. I was more upset than usual (LOL) and I slept all night with the volume on the TV on, which I don’t usually do. It makes for a horrible night’s sleep.

So no more of that! On the positive side, I have a litter of kittens that are 3 weeks old. They live on my bed, and it is so precious to wake up and find them cuddling with me or crawling on me! They get so tame by raising them this way!

It so helps me to write. I just write and write and it seems there are never enough words to fully express the world inside me. I just wish it were easier to find healing. I think if I had someone to cuddle with again like I did R in 2009, I would just cry and cry a waterfall and it would bring healing so much faster.

I just need to be held so badly. Nonsexual cuddling would be so healing to my little girl. But there is no one with whom to do that. It is just too weird in most relationships. It is why I wish I had that unlimited relationship of marriage.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:02am
480: Aurora Girl says:

and if you’re feeling clear…..and have something to say that’s open and warm…….and can hold back rationalizing and blamey stuff (hard to do sometimes)…and it feels right to call or leave a gentle message…..then sure, why not. (I don’t find the “lean back, don’t call, don’t respond strategy always feels the best…especially if I have something kind and open to say that could help resolve something….. I just need to keep my NVs in check and stay open to do it)…

hoping this works out for you…….and that you can have a new experience…..

xo
Aurora

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:05am
481: Memulo says:

The way I feel about him not being so eager to visit is that if in one month me being away we can’t pick a couple of days to get together then I don’t feel that I am a priority and that makes me feel sad. Not to mention that it is not a pleasant situation for me and I would have appreciated his support, especially since I expressed several times already that I’d like for him to visit.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:05am
482: Memulo says:

Aurora, thank you, but on the other hand he knows that I regret he can only start planning for the next weekend? So he knows I am not happy? and doesn’t do anything to fix.

What do you think?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:08am
483: Aurora Girl says:

478 Radlove

visualizing that cuddler…..imagining him in your mind in every detail…..can be so healing……imagining the masculine man inside of you taking care of your girl……can be so good….and I find total self care also helps…..warm baths….so the water holds me….basking in the sun on the ground so the earth, sky and sun hold me too….very comforting…..,and good food…..nurturing me from the inside….very self loving…..wonder if any of that resonates with you too?

xo

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:08am
484: siren song says:

Woke up thinking about guy who is mad at me. I feel sad that in the end he was not willing to step up. I miss him today. I haven’t felt so lonely in a long time. I love my feelings.

He is a beautiful man and i am afraid i will never be as attracted to anyone the way i was to him. I am afraid that i will never find someone i feel good about who wants to take it to forever.

Why do i feel so bummed out this weekend?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:09am
485: Aurora Girl says:

Memulo….meaning he is not available this weekend and you have to wait?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:09am
486: Radlove says:

A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found …an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel… She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’ She again smiled and answered, ‘You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?…
”Yes,” was his incredulous reply..
She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it.’

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:12am
487: Aurora Girl says:

485…..lol love it!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:14am
488: Memulo says:

Aurora, yes, he did not plan to come and see me this weekend on the whole week (his job allows him to take time off even in the middle of the week, he doesn’t have to wait till weekend).

While he was sick and called me every night at some point he said ‘if I get better before you can come back I will come to see you’. I acted all so happy and surprised and told him how happy and great it would make me feel to see him. But he is back to normal and only said ok next weekend when I pushed. So perhaps my ‘feeling of regret’ is just so subtle and can easily be neglected.

On the other hand I feel mad to call him on top of my text and disappointment over the phone.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:16am
489: Radlove says:

Aurora Girl,

Re: #482 – Thank you, yes it resonates with me. I don’t like to sound like the negative complainer, but how I really feel is that I’ve been doing visualizations like that all my adult life. After so many decades, it just feels empty, and my craving for relationship remains.

I continue to do those things, and they help me cope. What helps most is pets, because they are real and live and I feel an emotional connection with them.

But what is unhealthy in my life is the extent to which food is love. It is beyond nurture. I eat because it is one of the few things in my life that is readily available and feels good. I know it is self sabotaging yet I feel out of control with eating. This food bank thing has been going on for 6 months off and on and I so appreciate food banks. But it is really messing me up to not be able to choose what food I bring into the house. I really hope I get a job soon so I can have a predictable income and predictable choice of food.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:18am
490: Brandylion says:

I feel sad and scared. I feel afraid to open myself up to someone new. The last time I did that, I fell in love and he didn’t, and then he dumped me because he was unhappy.

I feel blah about all of the guys contacting me. One of them called yesterday, and I’m just not interested in him at all. I knew that before I gave him my number, but I thought I needed to practice a couple of those Es so I did it anyway. All of the others have poofed or seem happy to carry on an email exchange. The new ones that have asked me a question in the last two or three days don’t really appeal to me either. I feel bored.

Is this the way online dating works? That you have long email exchanges, most of which never actually result in phones calls or meetings? At what point do I just send them a message out of the blue telling them I feel bored with email? How do the rest of you get guys to actually call you and then take you out?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:19am
491: Radlove says:

I don’t like to say it, but I feel relieved I didn’t bring my Mom home permanently. I feel glad i tried, because it finally got the notion out of my head. My therapist from 2008 was right – it would have been emotional suicide.

It has been about 2 weeks I think, since I took her back to the nursing home. And even now, I am still recovering from the emotional setback. I am still hearing her voice in my head, that I worked so hard to get out of my head, criticizing me about every little detail of my life.

I have been seriously struggling with discouragement ever since she left. That feeling I grew up with of being a horrible person has tried to come flooding back. I am not trying to put down my Mom – she has her own issues that led her to be this way. But its effect on me really is bad for me.

I am just glad to have my house back to myself.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:22am
492: Aurora Girl says:

Memulo
I think you are wise to be in touch with your anger and to then not call if you are still angry. I think it would make things worth.

Do you recall Rori talking about taking the laser pointer off the man, loosening expectations and focusing on our own self care…….letting him take the lead regarding when he can and cannot do and loosening our logical “wanting to line things up and plan” side…

And do you recall Daria’s comment above about her just being open to what men can share and want to contribute to our lives and valuing that?

It sounds like there may be some things that your guy has to attend to , at no fault of your own….which could mean he has a full and responsible life….

I know for me if I look at what “isn’t” and only look at the gap between what i expect and what shows up I always get disappointed..

When I focus on the gifts, the sharing…..let go of expectation and be ‘”surprised” as Rori says…….accept what comes I feel better.

When I leave my care and comforting to myself….mostly…when I take responsibility for my feelings and looking after myself and filling my schedule with things I like and being my own best care taker I feel loved and self confident…..and everyone else is off the hook……

xo
Aurora

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:23am
493: GivingGirl says:

Memulo

I feel unclear and a little confused regarding the communication. I feel when you said, “only next weekend.” He didn’t understand if you were asking, only next weekend? as if you wanted more, or if you were telling him only next weekend and there wouldn’t be more. I’m wondering if when you said about feeling regret, if he took it as only next weekend and no more because you are feeling regretful about his visit.

I feel there’s a lot of miscommunication. I know the last post talked about not explaining, but sometimes, I feel the air needs to be cleared when there are misunderstandings. I feel a phone call may be a good thing for you.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:32am
494: GivingGirl says:

(((Siren song)))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:34am
495: GivingGirl says:

Memulo

Aurora’s comment has a lot of good points.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:43am
496: Memulo says:

Aurora, GivingGirl,

Thank you.. I don’t know, perhaps I will explain if I hear from him? Also, he is smart and he knows me and I never gave him ultimatums in the past, what are the odds I am ‘ordering’ for him to visit ‘only next weekend’? Just thinking outloud – why would I feel regretful about his visit if he knows I want him to come? And why not to respond to my text with good news that my case is moving along?

I don’t know, if there is still a misunderstanding, can’t he call and find out what’s going on?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:44am
497: GivingGirl says:

Memulo

I’m curious, why are you using “regretful” instead of “disappointed”? To me, regretful means you wish to take it back.

“Only next weekend” without a ? seems more like a statement.

Its’ all in the way he perceived what you wrote. In texts, there is no tone or facial expression and lots of times things are taken incorrectly.

I’ve done it too. I don’t remember what BoatGuy said to me this one time, but I took complete offense and couldn’t believe he said it to me and I replied, “why don’t you just turn that dagger in my back a little more?” He replied, “there is no dagger.” After our miscommunication was over, I reread what he wrote and realized I took it the wrong way. He was trying to lighten the mood, but because of how I was feeling, I thought he was being mean and insulting to me. He wasn’t. I overreacted. When I realized this, I apologized.

He’s not a mean and insulting guy. Even though I knew that, at the time that is how I felt.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:54am
498: Turquoise says:

Memulo, is English your first language? Sometimes it feels like that could be the barrier here.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 9:04am
499: Aurora Girl says:

“can’t he call and find out what’s going on?”

of course he can……but this is only one of many possibilities……

xo

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 9:04am
500: Jan says:

OK. I have spent the last week living minute to minute to not lean forward with my man of interest. (He is the guy that was my ex from the past…we got together…then he pulled back. All of this long distance) You guys have been so much help with this excruciating learning curve!

I have a question about facebook. This guy is my facebook friend, and when he told me he was “too stressed” to plan another visit together but that everything else was still the same, I kept him on there. It feels to me like he wants to keep me around as a “friend” in case things work out for us at a later date. I have been reading all of the stuff on this website saying that is bad bad bad..and to be truthful it feels yucky to me. So in all this leaning back, do I leave him as a friend on my facebook account? It feels like if I do, then I am waiting…and if I don’t that I am leaning forward trying to get a response. I am so confused! I feel hurt, and lonely, and like I just want to reach out to him. I miss his friendship, and yet I know that is not enough for me…I will always be wanting more. I have loved this man since I was 16 and I am now 40, newly divorced, and all messed up.

Did I mention that I am confused?
Any advice, guys?
Jan

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 9:17am
501: Turquoise says:

Radlove,
I am sorry that you are hurting. It’s hard to be alone. You remind me so much of my sister. It wasn’t until she found a good job, let go mentally of her ex husband (he’s an addict) lost some weight and made the choice to really focus on moving forward, that she met someone, she is no longer lonely. The relationship isn’t perfect, but they are both trying.
I truly believe that good things happen when we get to where we want to be.

You know how much I wanted things to work out with C, but he doesn’t, at least not now. So i’m letting that go and really trying with my CD’s. I don’t want to be alone either.

But I have focused mostly one. The move was a fresh start for me. I’m improving my finances, relationships and am believing in myself. If I am happy with me, I can be happy with someone else.

I hope you find a job soon. I believe that will make a world of difference for you.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 9:30am
502: Starla says:

siren song 483
I know EXACTLY what you mean.

I’m sure you’d say that’s ridiculous for me to feel that way. That I’m an interesting, fun siren, and there will definitely be even better guys for me. So I’ll say the same for you:).

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 9:34am
503: Starla says:

Jan, my experience with FB might be different, because I have 400 some friends and got my start on there for business reasons, but I don’t think being friends on facebook means anything, unless that person is truly toxic. One of my exes unfriended me out of spite one day, so when he came back to ask me if I’d re-friend him, I said no, because I don’t want to be jerked around like that.

Otherwise, you can block him from showing up in your news feed. I think it’s called “unsubscribing” in current FB lingo. And don’t click on his name.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 9:39am
504: Memulo says:

GivingGirl, Turquoise,

English is not my first language. I said ‘regret’ maybe because ‘disappointment’ felt like a stronger accusation?. I definitely did not mean it as ‘taking it back’.

He often texts me without any punctuation.. which I don’t like, but I was feeling hurt so I did the same with ‘only next weekend’, couldn’t even imagine it may cause a misunderstanding.

Doesn’t Rori say not to lean fwd to explain anything? I am feeling confused now. He may be silent because he is busy or because I pushed him away.. I don’t know. Though why would HE be pushed away if he knows I am waiting for him and he is not giving me what I want?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 10:01am
505: TNT siren says:

I feel simply amazing today. I learned so much about myself the past week. I was seeing a gentleman who has a very sarcastic humor. He was sweet and kind and shooting me arrows all the time. I heard and felt good with his humor until it was used on me. I froze. He felt it. He immediately said he was sorry and wanted to hug me. I backed away and said “wow! I feel offended.” We continued the conversation and I felt great. I hugged back. This was huge move for me. I was one who would not say how I felt about things. A week later he called me and said we are not compatible. I felt relieved and good with that. I felt relieved because I did not do the running I used to do. I just lived the moment and felt pride in myself. I felt good with it because I learned so much from him. Keeping my sunshine flowing…..the light and warmth illuminating from me.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 10:12am
506: Luzydel says:

Practicing being a rock-star; I have leaned forward a couple of times with a few men, to see. No difference in their behavior…

I guess…

leaning forward with expectations = not good
Leaning forward with no attachment of an outcome = rock-star!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 10:16am
507: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

RE: #501 – Thank you. Yes, I hope I get a job soon too. I’ve been applying left and right.

About R, I guess I’m not ready to move on. I still believe in my heart that he is my Soul Mate, and I don’t see that belief changing any time soon. He has issues, and so do I. But his good qualities are astounding to me, and no other man I’ve met has come close.

I’m just trying to get in the mindset of being an eagle, flying alone. I don’t have many in person friends, and I am working on that. That will help too.

I like connecting here on the blog, but in some ways, I’m perpetuating a lifelong pattern of connecting to people long distance, with whom it is impossible to get close, to stay at a safe distance.

I am playing with the idea of starting at a new church that is close to my home. My current church is an hour each way since I moved in November, which means each time I go it’s $20 in gas. It’s an issue.

I am trying to feed myself positive thoughts. I am not sure if people like me, and I think maybe they don’t.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 10:23am
508: Starla says:

Oh my goodness, I think I found the PERFECT car for me. It has fancy woodgrain and leather interior and looks great! I can feel it that this is the the kind of car I should be getting. One that feels beautiful and tidy and sparkly… I want to feel magical and abundant when I’m going to the grocery store.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 10:41am
509: Luzydel says:

What if a woman drops the idea of commitment and marriage, that there is no resistance to just meeting men and being surprised?

I am Cding, but I don’t have marriage or commitment in mind, heck I am not even expecting to be contacted again (though some do contact me again). I am just letting love happen. It is sort of like I am dating myself in a way, It feels so relaxing and I know I will be happy no matter what.

Yesterday “parkguy” hinted that he really want to be intimate with me, but that he is a gentleman and that he wont push it. Then he started saying he has not time, and that he wants to “make it happen”, because he knows that there will be weekends he may not see me; all I said, a day has 24 hrs, there is always time. Then he said I am leaving the ball in your court…I didn’t respond to that… Just because he i a man, that does not entitle him to my vagina, I will have sex when I feel like it, no pressure welcome.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 10:56am
510: Memulo says:

I feel really torn apart. Should I call him? did I push him away? is it nothing, he is just busy and I need to wait for him to contact me?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:04am
511: Starla says:

TNT Siren, I feel happy reading your post. Your vibe feels really self-loving and honest.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:04am
512: Starla says:

Memulo, are you hungry/nervous about other stuff in life/tired/need a cigarette/coffee/procrastinating anything/etc.?

i would ask myself that, take care of it, and then call him after and say, “oh it feels so good to hear your voice:) texting started to feel confusing…it’s actually making me feel uptight, i feel embarrassed to admit that!” and carry on with your business. Don’t drive yourself crazy! ((((((((Memulo))))))))))))))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:11am
513: Memulo says:

Could he really misunderstand that ‘regret’ in my text means that I want to take my invite back?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:12am
514: Memulo says:

Thank you Starla;) You are right, I will call a bit later, I think he may be with his son now.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:16am
515: LoveAlways says:

(((((((((Memulo)))))))))))
Is there anything on your channeling list that you can do right now?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:16am
516: LoveAlways says:

Starla

“One that feels beautiful and tidy and sparkly… I want to feel magical and abundant when I’m going to the grocery store.”

As only a siren should and could!!! Enjoy car shopping!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:19am
517: Memulo says:

LoveAlways,

YES I must study for my test! That’s what I’ve been doing these days.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:19am
518: LoveAlways says:

Luzydel

“What if a woman drops the idea of commitment and marriage, that there is no resistance to just meeting men and being surprised?”

See nothing wrong with living for what YOU want and feel! You control you

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:21am
519: LoveAlways says:

Memulo

Good luck on your test! Don’t forget to also do something you like and that is fun/pleasing also on your list!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:22am
520: LoveAlways says:

Have a great Sunday Sirens, gotta run

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:31am
521: Starla says:

Have a great day, Love Always!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:33am
522: Starla says:

I used to be obsessed with No Doubt. Just remembered this song about guys who diss you and shock you and render you super hurt without explanation, and then they come back and the tables are turned.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFzNr2GJ5wE

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:47am
523: Starla says:

who would have thought that songs from when i was a teenager would come back to help me out:)

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:53am
524: Daria says:

Hey ladies when I feel like nervous w a guy I sometimes look anywhere But at him… Is this sireny or cold???

I feel all embarrased

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 12:31pm
525: Daria says:

Starla that feels awesome. I feel super close to you all of a sudden.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 12:33pm
526: Daria says:

Uhoh I’m feeling grumpy

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 1:09pm
527: Starla says:

You mean about the car, Daria?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 1:11pm
528: Femininewoman says:

RE 488 Memulo the clue is in your own writing – “when I pushed”. You push, he resists or pulls back. It is the unconscious human dynamic in the energy exchange. You become the convincer he becomes the resistor.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 1:23pm
529: GivingGirl says:

@524 Daria, I do that too. Not all the time, but intermittently. I can also lock eyes and keep the lock. I would rather not get shy, but it happens. I don’t think it comes off as cold though. I think there’s a totally different vibe between cold and nervous.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 1:27pm
530: GivingGirl says:

I feel like texting BoatGuy, “Friends?” just to close this chapter. I know we won’t have a discussion because he doesn’t do that, but I hate to just leave things hang loose and then to run into him and feel all weird.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 1:31pm
531: GivingGirl says:

@ Memulo

I feel bad, I didn’t mean to make you feel worse by what I said.

(((Memulo))))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 1:32pm
532: Femininewoman says:

I would say lack of confidence rather than unsireny or cold

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 1:33pm
533: Femininewoman says:

Giving Girl why are you deciding from now that you will feel weird?

you can change that story, find another feeling to sink into then go backk to when you actually see him. The power is with you.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 1:37pm
534: GivingGirl says:

FW – I was basing it on a past experience. It was different, but things were left hanging. I was at the store, saw him, it was uncomfortable and cold and we just ignored each other. I think he still doesn’t go to parties he knows I will be at. I really don’t want another one of those.

I suppose what you are saying is when I do see him, I can just choose to be friendly?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 1:46pm
535: Lucy says:

Hi everyone. Love and hugs to all. (((sirens)))

I’m not sure what to do about that “poke” on fb (I haven’t poked back).

Rori says to respond whenever he “comes toward us” – yet …. I don’t know…..

I would follow my heart and feelings on this, but they are kind of all over the place.

I miss him a lot and wish there was some magical way things could change and work out, but just wishing doesn’t make it so, and I’m afraid of holding on to hope too much.

Any thoughts?

Last night I was up all night working on projects and I felt really great and wonderful and full of amazing peace and joy and hope about my own life and future and plans. I got really creative, and it felt so fulfilling.

But today I feel depressed. I really want a loving, nurturing relationship with a man I love who loves me too – live together, share lives together – you know, the same thing most of us here want.

And I thought I was heading that direction with him. Well, I WAS. Until it just started feeling so bad too many times.

So now I am alone, and the dream is far away.

Yes, I know – “CD.”

But that’s not what this is about right now. This is about how I feel.

Discouraged, lonely, sad, desiring.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:06pm
536: Jean says:

Giving Girl: I feel you are giving him too much power over your feelings. You are making him the important part of your life yet. But youa re right- IF you run into him, at THAT TIME, then you can “choose” your feelings. you can feel them at that time and then choose what to do. but if you keep thinking about him, you are making him important, not yourself. remember this is all about you and how you feel. not about him. it doesn’t matter if you leave it at friends or not. if you don’t feel the feelings for him anymore, if you are doing the circular dating, you wont have time for him or to think about him. you will be too busy enjoying your life and yourself and the attention you are getting(arrows coming towards you per rori), to think about him. if you saw him at the store and he choose to ignore you that is his loss. you are being your friendly, feminine, flirty self and there were probably plenty of men to “practice” with at the store, if you leave your heart and mind open to learn from them. remember, you are awesome, men, all kinds of men are out there to learn from and who want to meet you! what do you think?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:10pm
537: Femininewoman says:

Lucy some time ago Rori wrote an article to the effect that a man will always be with us. Like a little light somewhere in the back of our hearts. Is it possible to accept that that relationship served its purpose so it is now ended?

Could the poke be from a “new” little boy on the playground so I allow my little girl to playfully poke him back? No expectations?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:21pm
538: Turquoise says:

Hi sirens,

Has anyone else had this problem? I really like So Ready on the phone. I feel connected, love his voice… We have great conversation. In person, it’s just not the same. I’m not as physically attracted to him as I’d hope to be… But I believe that could change as I get to know him better, spend more time together. He did open doors, the car door, hold my hand in the movies….. That felt nice. The kissing wasn’t as good this time. We have plans for a concert in 2 weeks…. I want to be open and warm and be surprised, just not feeling much yet. What do u think?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:23pm
539: Femininewoman says:

The possibility also exists that you could see him later but be so different in your life experiencing so many good things that you have to look twice to ensure it is him.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:24pm
540: Femininewoman says:

Turq give him 3 to 5 dates then let him know if you are not feeling like you fit. Rori encourages us not to make snap judgements. Also when you have false chemistry going on with someone else it could blog the chemistry with Mr. Right. Remember Mel with SexySarcastic even when Mr. A was right there in front of her?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:37pm
541: Memulo says:

Thank you sirens:)

GivingGirl,

Please don’t worry, you did not make me feel bad. I appreciate your comments and opinion.

FW,

Yes, I was upset that I even had to mention it. I did not mean to push. I got upset and just mentioned it.

Well, I tried calling but he is not picking up the phone and his cell is off. There was no option to leave a VM. Guess I will keep on calling. Oh joy

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:43pm
542: Memulo says:

Turquoise,

Sorry I missed some posts – who is So Ready? The guy you talked on the phone a lot before you met or the pilot?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:45pm
543: Memulo says:

GivingGirl #530,

Please, please don’t. Yes, leave him hanging. Other way just works against you, believe me.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:47pm
544: Memulo says:

FW,

How do you feel?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:50pm
545: Femininewoman says:

Memulo why would you encourage some to “leave him hanging” yet resolve for yourself and your own situation to “keep on calling”?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:51pm
546: Memulo says:

FW,

I wouldn’t have called if I didn’t think there was a misunderstanding in our texting. I feel scared that I miscommunicated and he could get a wrong idea of what I was saying.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:54pm
547: GivingGirl says:

Jean & FW

Thank you. I’m feel like taking time to consider what you are saying.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:54pm
548: Femininewoman says:

Memulo I am sure he will experience that as so unattractive, low self esteem and clingy. Guys describe it as eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww, but will never tell you.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 2:57pm
549: Memulo says:

FW,

Hmm what would he experience as unattractive? The fact that I called? I rarely call.

On Friday we were talking on the phone (he called) and at the end he said – ok, what if I come next weekend? I accepted but then after the conversation texted him: ‘only next weekend’. He asked: is it a question or a statement?’ I did not answer until the the next day when I said ‘It was a feeling of regret’.

If he understood it as a demand at first, esp since I did not answer and then as a regret that I invited him, then it’s really bad. Needless to say that I meant nothing of the kind, both times

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:02pm
550: Starla says:

Just hung out with Alaska for a little bit… he did me a favor, so I insisted on buying the iced tea and ice cream bars we picked out at the grocery store. I am in this energy often with him, because I really just wanna be FRIENDS right now so I can’t help it, but it doesn’t dial down his attraction to me. I think it’s because I’m not doing it to make him want me… I’m doing it because I’m a rockstar and like to give back as a friend like this.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:07pm
551: Memulo says:

FW,

I would very much appreciate your opinion on #549. Do you not think the best is to call and talk to him?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:08pm
552: Femininewoman says:

You already called memulo. Will he not see the missed call? Even if he doesn’t you constantly calling is making yourself too available and easy. No mystery, no challenge.

A friend of mine told me his attraction to his wife was that she never stalked him. She waited for him to call her. He said he experienced a wpman calling more than once as stalking.

When you are always available attraction decreases. It is counterintuitive not logical.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:16pm
553: Memulo says:

FW,

Do you think my texts could come across as angry and cold? The 2nd one, the one with ‘regret’ also said that my application process is progressing. He did not reply

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:20pm
554: Memulo says:

I was thinking if to call again then just once and then text the request to call me back. Or I can leave it now at missed call.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:24pm
555: Turquoise says:

Memulo, he’s the guy from Ohio that I talked to a lot before meeting. I renamed him so ready, because he is so ready for a relationship.

FW, we have a third date planned for 2 weeks from now. He got tickets to a blues rock guitarist concert. It will be fun and something different, I am looking forward to it. The weekend after that I have a wedding and he goes away for a week for work. He wants to see a baseball game and spend the day in the city over memorial day weekend. So…. I think I can give it until then to see if I am feeling anything more. That will be 2 and a half months of talking and dating. Should feel something by then. Thanks for the reassurance to give it a little time. I am going to keep cd ing though. he talks about where he wants to take me, things we can do together, I LOVE talking to him. Hope the attraction catches up.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:28pm
556: Femininewoman says:

Memulo you can’t do anything wrong with Mr. Right. I would stop the overthinking, over analyzing and over functioning.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:31pm
557: Memulo says:

Thank you FW;)

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:35pm
558: Memulo says:

Turquoise, are you talking to the pilot too?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:37pm
559: Turquoise says:

Memulo, I think you need to stop waiting a day to reply to him. Especially over a misunderstanding. I know I said this to you before and you said he does it to you also… But I really feel we teach people how to treat us, what we allow or put up with will continue, and that if you want that dynamic of your relationship to change, i’d stop that behavior.

I missed that you called him once. Did u leave a message or just hang up? It sounds to me that you are the one wrong here. Your text with no punctuation was confusing. He’s not giving you what you want when you want it, so he’s the failure. I don’t understand why you’d act happy he was coming and then complain that it wasn’t until next weekend. Be authentic.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:41pm
560: Memulo says:

Turquoise,

I am normally not waiting a day to reply at all. Just this time I thought his text didn’t even require a response. Only the next day I realized that perhaps it did.

I did not leave a message because his mailbox was full and the phone was off. Yes, I felt hurt and didn’t complain right away to his suggestion to wait till next weekend. Oh I really don’t know what to do now!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:46pm
561: Memulo says:

Did I screw it all up?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:47pm
562: Turquoise says:

I haven’t heard from the pilot since mid week, he texted a couple days. He told me last sunday that he’d like to see me again and to let him know when I was available. I replied that if he asked me out, I’d do my best to be available. He said thanks, he would. The chemist texted me Friday, was going to New York for the weekend. I met the carpenter for a drink Friday and he texted today. It’s hard to have enough time for all these guys, but the good thing is, I have no energy to lean forward with any of them. I warmly reply, make conversation, but that’s it. I have never had this happen before; 4 guys who all are leading and wanting to see me.this is really good practice…. But I’m thinking Mr. Right is still out there, across the river, and I am still on my bridge.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 3:56pm
563: Turquoise says:

Memulo, if his phone is off, it’s not going to show the missed call. I would just take a step back, go eat something, get some fresh air, and get a new perspective.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:03pm
564: Memulo says:

Turquoise, so you don’t think calling him is a good idea? I feel the more time goes by the worse it gets

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:08pm
565: Memulo says:

I just tried it on my cell: you are right Turquoise, when my cell was off a missed call did not register

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:12pm
566: Love Actually says:

@361: Giving Girl

I am really feeling connected to what you are saying (I tend to write long also, so no worries)

I really struggle with feeling like I don’t belong and don’t matter too. This particular relationship, the first since my divorce (which I’m embarrassed to say was 10 years ago), is dredging up crazy stuff for me and his situation (being not legal in my country and not smart about money and not clear with his own boundaries) led me to turn into Florence Nightingale and let him move in with me – super disaster. He has been out of my house since last August and didn’t really come towards me until this past January…and here we are.

You are right, I haven’t gotten what I needed in this relationship. Since he asked to be in a relationship with me, I have been asking and he has been leaning forward A LOT, even doing some things that I know are very difficult for him.

I do want to give it some time where I can learn to settle down a little more (I know that a great deal of what I freak out about is mine and not related to him)
I am trying really hard not to beat myself up for what I feel and how I respond…I am doing my best and that is all I can do. If I still don’t feel like I can feel good in this relationship once I know I’ve gotten a grip on what is my own turmoil, then I will have to let it go.

Today is an example of how I think I get right into my head rather than my feelings…
I had dinner with my guy last night and I had agreed not to bring up ‘a relationship discussion’ (which I do a lot). This morning as we were leaving each other he opened up the conversation. He made a point to hold my hand the whole time we were talking and wanted me to know that he was feeling worried about a text I had sent in anger this past week. Basically saying ‘Fine, your business is obviously more important than me and have at ‘er’. He said that he will sometimes be busy with the business (which is still very new) and that he doesn’t want to worry about responding to clients or if he has to travel and that I will respond as above…I hear “I don’t have time for you and so if you can’t handle that go away” and “I just want you around so I can call someone and talk about my problems and have sex once in a while but can’t commit beyond that”. I responded defensively and we left things somewhat tense and unsettled. I said it might be best if over the next few days we didn’t talk to each other as I feel like I have a lot to sort out and asked what he thought of that. He said he was glad I was thinking like that as I do have a lot to sort out and keep making him the focus of my life (felt icky because of the truth of it but also I feel some relief to have created some space for myself to think and sort – I really need to find a job and my ex is currently taking me to court to try and reduce the 10 years of child support that he owes me – feels so yucky, exhausting and defeating.

Looking back, I wonder if it would have been better for me to say “I feel so cared for when you hold my hand” and “I feel so much appreciation that you care about how I will feel if you get busy” and also to show my admiration for how hard he is working to make this business a success. He said that he wants so much to be able to provide and clarified that he didn’t mean everything, but that he wants to be able to offer things to me…

Anyways, I need to get my son to baseball.

Givinggirl, I really appreciate your thoughts and feedback and I didn’t think you are being too forward at all.

I am trying to be ok with my mistakes and love my tender heart…I feel confused and tired today.

With gratitude for being able to process all of this and have others hold and witness it with me.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:16pm
567: Love Actually says:

I feel a little weepy and vulnerable to be sharing my personal feelings and experiences…

I also feel brave and hopeful that I am learning about myself and new ways to be in a relationship.

I really want to be able to receive love from a man and I really want to be able to vision a fabulous, juicy, fun, abundant life and not be afraid to go after it…

Feeling deep gratitude and love…

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:20pm
568: Turquoise says:

If it were me Memulo, I’d clear my head, write down what I wanted to say, and I probably would call to try and fix it. But leaning forward in boy energy may cause more damage than just letting it go from where you are. I don’t know what the best answer is. I’d follow my gut instinct though. It usually leads me well.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:22pm
569: Turquoise says:

Love actually… You sounds amazing. Thank you for the reminder that’s ok to want that deep, juicy, full life, and to not settle for less. I needed to hear that tonight.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:25pm
570: lk says:

hello…

it is sunday evening…. i am going about my business… : ))))

this week is going to be a big week for me ! & i just committed to buy a kitten who will be available in 5 weeks. i can’t wait.

the only things left on my List are really nutty things that i feel nervous about, so i’m going to commit to being super healthy these next few weeks… waking early, eating well, writing a lot…. & hopefully i can TCB, ya dig ? yup ! here here humans – i bow to you when i bow to myself – i bow to myself when i bow to you

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:30pm
571: Brandylion says:

Why did I bother to write anything in my OkCupid profile? I feel so annoyed being asked questions like what do I like to do and what do I do for a living and what kind of movies do I like when I answered those things in my profile. Do men usually not bother to read, and just send a message if they like your picture? Really?

I feel so disgusted with this whole process right now. At least I haven’t gotten any requests for casual sex in the last week. I think I’m just going to take my profile back down.

I decided today that I want to return the gifts PriestCD gave me for Christmas and Valentine’s Day. They’re not valuable, but they are things that were unique to our common interests. I realized that I need him to be cut from my life in all ways to move on, and I just want them gone. And the picture of him his mom printed when she was testing her new printer at Christmas and then gave to me. I want that out of my drawer and gone too.

I don’t know exactly what you all mean by keeping a man on your horse, but I’m giving him the boot and hoping he falls off the side of the bridge.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:39pm
572: lk says:

over & over & over again, i see how i can Connect so Intimately with my man & with myself & i feel so amazed & loving & inspired : ) thank you, sweet ladies : )

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:46pm
573: Turquoise says:

Omg Brandylion, I LOVE that… Falling off the bridge!!!!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 4:48pm
574: lk says:

aww, brandylion…

i’m not sure, but i know i treasure the things from my past relationships.. i have a bunch of my ex’s Art up in my office – because he was amazing : ) & i loved dating him & connecting through his art : )))

& also, i know i “judge” men who seem not to have gleaned all they could… but Men can’t “afford” to Invest too much in any single (x2 entendre) woman… because they get rejected so hard… & so often….

i don’t know about that either. i know i have been approached &… had Nothing Happen LOL… but i’ve not really been one to Reject a Man. any man who comes up to me to flirt has made my night better ! so totally i want them to feel the same way !!! amazing they put themselves on the line for you : )))) WOW : )

i like to date men unless i feel Unsafe. i love to go out with a man & Practice my Conversation Skills… & Practice Receiving… & Practice Connecting With My Feelings… especially in such a weird-feeling situation like a first date ! those are so weird & amazing : )))

love to you : )

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:00pm
575: Radlove says:

Daria,

RE: #524 – “Hey ladies when I feel like nervous w a guy I sometimes look anywhere But at him… Is this sireny or cold???”

When I feel nervous with a man, I try to quickly process inside and then I try to gaze steadily at him.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:10pm
576: GivingGirl says:

Love Always

I feel I understand. I wish you luck.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:11pm
577: lk says:

i love to try a new way… i love feeling confident in my abilities to Experiment…… & i love feeling Confident in my Ability To Fail ! that is soooo free-ing : )

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:20pm
578: Turquoise says:

I keep my presents too…

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:33pm
579: Brandylion says:

lk, re#574: Art is different; it’s personal. The gifts are a book about running and a bottle of wine. There wasn’t anything to connect him to me through those. What’s worse, when he gave me the wine he said he figured we’d enjoy it together and then dumped me two weeks later before we saw each other again. I don’t have anyone to enjoy it with, and I’m not up for drinking a whole bottle of port by myself.

I’m not going to return them. I just want him to hurt like I’m hurting, but returning the gifts won’t make that happen; he doesn’t care, and they meant nothing to him.

I regret the entire relationship. I wish he’d never been a part of my life, and now I’m stuck with this pain because I made the mistake of dating him. If he’d been honest with me last June about being uncertain about getting into a relationship because he was uncertain about joining the priesthood, we’d have just been friends. Instead, he waited six months, by which time I was in love, to tell me that, but also that he still saw potential in our relationship.

I feel angry with him for his dishonesty, and I feel angry with myself for sticking around. I feel angry with myself and embarrassed for feeling such strong feelings when I had no indication of where he was feeling-wise.

I’ve never known the kind of great relationship and loving care it sounds like some of you have found, but I am not convinced it’s worth this kind of pain and aggravation to try to find it.

People keep telling me that we have to go through the bad times to appreciate the good ones, and I think that’s bull. Good times should be recognizable as good times on their own merits, not because they feel better comparatively.

I have no idea what my little Brandylion needs for comfort, or I would have given it to her weeks ago.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:48pm
580: GivingGirl says:

Mr. Observant – “You are what is important and what you want. No one should settle. Life really is to short.”

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:54pm
581: Starla says:

(((((((Brandylion)))))))))))))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:55pm
582: GivingGirl says:

I keep my presents if I use them, otherwise, no, but I don’t wear jewelry from ex-bfs.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 5:56pm
583: lk says:

((((Brandylion))))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:04pm
584: Starla says:

i wear jewelry from exes

Speaking of exes, I am starting to feel more and more acceptance and sadness and I feel really good about it. Like there will be this rough time, and then I will be okay and of course life will be wonderful.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:05pm
585: GivingGirl says:

@Brandylion

I don’t know your story about Priest, but I can tell you I know how it feels to be led astray when the truth would have been so much easier to deal with. I would think a man considering priesthood would have a bigger conscience.

Anyways, 4 weeks after my wedding, I discovered (after gut feelings & my own detective work) my husband was a closet gay. He would have saved a lot of people the trouble of so many things (including a total of $75K) if he would have not used me to cover up his little secret. Deception sucks.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:06pm
586: lk says:

i remember my first ltr asked for the jewelry back… but then returned it to me a couple years later saying only I could wear it.

& i also remember that i was in Greece & …… with my bf at the time…. & i was determined to get some jewelry (duh, because it is greece !) & i went to the museum district & found a greek key pattern necklace with My Color of stone… & when the lady started negotiating, i freaked out & just handed her cash. & my bf was like, why didn’t you let me barter ? why didn’t you let me buy it for you ? & i knew that it was such a powerful symbol for me (Eternal Love) that i didn’t want it as a Gift from him. felt sad.. but also very empowering : )

i feel very excited to wear a piece of jewelry that symbolizes Life-Long Commitment for me : )

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:08pm
587: Starla says:

i can’t believe that it’s been over three weeks since he sent that email. Time feels so weird.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:11pm
588: lk says:

i feel so so happy.

truly, it feels so good to be Honest About My Feelings & also to take Full Responsibility For My Own Health & Happiness : ))))

i just feel so happy & so excited & so….. pleased ! that this is also “Real Life” because sometimes that Idea feels discouraging

the more & more i “do” this life, the more i Believe in Magic : ) …. & then i get all those piles & hours of images that i have saved all through…. the dark things & the frozen things & the loud things…. & i feel afraid & guilty again….. but then again i see my Choices & again i want & intend to choose Love (((((((Love)))))))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:16pm
589: Jennifer says:

My psychologist is going to hypnotize me, so I don’t feel like a flaming effin idiot around men. That would be cool. There’s a guy on POF who’s headline is “he sent you a picture of his what now?” Then the rest of it reads like a newspaper release….and the idea of contacting this guy makes me queasy. I know we’er not supposed to but there’s no wink feature and I’ve added him to my favourites and this didnt’ work. So I’d like to contact him…but feel nauseated. And the other psychology dude says I have to do the asking sometimes….

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:17pm
590: Brandylion says:

Hah! I just realized the bright point in all of this–I have not contacted him to ask him any of the things I want to know and to unleash my anger at him. I guess it’s for the same reason I won’t actually return the gifts–he doesn’t care how I’m doing and what I’m feeling. All contacting him would do is make look less than I already do for staying with him another 3 months instead of looking out for myself and what I want for my life.

Day-um GivingGirl, that is way worse! I don’t even know what else to say…

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:20pm
591: Coco Kisses says:

Sirens i feel soooo horrible and empty…..my husband came over to visit like he said he would, but when he got here i could tell that the vibe was just friends and the way he looked at me there was no sexual energy at all. Im not going to write all that was said, but it is clear that my husband has no intentions of getting back with me or working on this marriage. He is calling and coming by because he is having a difficult time detaching from us completely and when he is feeling too lonely he calls and comes by for his own emotional . It feels bad and sad to rezlize this. I have decided to cut off all communication with him, because i feel hurt and i feel like im being used. Ill admit until today i was clinging to some hope that maybe my husband still loved me ….and i wont say he has no love what so ever, but definatky not enough to step up….i need to emotionally move on. He is not a bad man, i dont hate him, and i even thanked him for the time he gave to me, and i told him that i appreciated everything he did for me, and that truly i am a better person for him being in my life and learned so much….i told him that i send him off with lots of love and well wishes…..i did not tell him this, but i dont feel good being his emotional crutch until he finds another woman to be with. I have no idea what god has instore for me, bot its got to be good…….i still love him, but emotionally im mkving forward….i feel weird

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:23pm
592: siren song says:

I have 3 dates this week.

I feel much better. What a rollercoaster ride of a weekend for me.

Taking a bath in the dark with candles. Ahhh…

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:24pm
593: lk says:

Starla, the only thing i “think” about that is…. how lucky for you if he really was that……………….. Not Able ? or………. i feel unsure of how to describe it……… but, truly, if he couldn’t sort of…. “follow through” or whatever…. how good good good good good that you found out NOW – not in a few more months when all the “couple drama” was all… ingrained… & Assumed… & all that Jazz…..

& then the other thing is just, what in the world is he currently doing & how does he feel about it ?

& honestly i don’t care much because i like YOU, not him. so i’m interested in YOU, not him. so i’m just thinking, “ohh starla is SO COOL… she is all baller & awesome & now she is going on dates & she is like amazingly Together & Hip & just… Invulnerable… but at the same time all…. Sweet & Vulnerable….. & Bad-Xss…..”

& then if i DO think, oh what is he doing, i’m like EZ he is being all Boy-ish & like….. doing Boy things with other Boys he knows… & then also doing the thing Boys do, where they put all their Relationship Energy into something else, so he’s probably digging up an old hobby or pursuing a dream he had left stagnating….

i respect whatever he’s doing, but i don’t find it “interesting” or “compelling”

& then again i’m back to “Wondering” – Well, what is he going to do about Starla ?? !! ?? isn’t he just totally obsessed with getting her back & getting her into his life again ?????????? & then i just think, poor men. because we are all in the roaring center of an existential crisis. “all men lead lives of quiet desperation” – truth.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:24pm
594: GivingGirl says:

Brandylion, he’s not worth your time & energy…even your anger, but sometimes we need to feel our anger to get past it.

LOL, most people say, “and you didn’t know?” He told me he wanted to wait for marriage to have sex. Now I have a sex requirement before I get serious.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:25pm
595: GivingGirl says:

(((Coco Kisses)))

I’m so sorry.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:27pm
596: Coco Kisses says:

To add to my post, i was very emotionally vulnerable with him….when isensed that he had no intrest in me sexually or romantically i could feel my heart becoming closed, but insead of closing don, i decided to communicate wi th him and say how i felt…for me thata was huge….but like i said it was crystal clear that he doesn.t want to be with me anymore….he did tell me thatt this divorce is hard for him too….he is human i realize this….it hurts like hell but i must accpet the reality

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:28pm
597: Starla says:

lk, it’s like you’re in my brains, lady.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:29pm
598: siren song says:

((Coco kisses))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:31pm
599: siren song says:

Yeah, starla, you have it going on.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 6:32pm
600: Memulo says:

I texted that I called but couldn’t leave a VM and he responded immediately: ‘Was thinking of you’. I asked: ‘What part of me?’ (thank you HW!!!!!!) It took him whole 5 mins to text back: ‘Most’.

So I am feeling a bit less paranoid LOL. I guess misunderstandings didn’t mean too much to him.

Thank you everyone who was trying to help me today;)

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:05pm
601: Memulo says:

((((Coco Kisses))))

Did you think about finding a way not to see him, even when he comes by? You could stay in your bedroom with the door closed or leave the house before he arrives.. whatever works.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:10pm
602: Memulo says:

(((((GivingGirl)))))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:12pm
603: Memulo says:

lk you are so beautiful!!!!!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:12pm
604: Sun Goddess says:

Things are going really good with music man. I’m taking a half day off of work to spedm time with him. But, I am a little concerned that he is telling his friend who is telling my friend that I am blowing off his attempts to invite me to his place. For one, he lives with two other men. Two, I’m not ready to sleep with him. Any thoughts or ideas sirens?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:15pm
605: Memulo says:

Sun Goddess,

What happens when he invites you over?

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:17pm
606: Starla says:

awww, (((((((blog))))))))))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:19pm
607: Memulo says:

From my experience they understand when you say you like them, but you are not ready yet. You can say the classic you need time to feel an emotional connection and you want exclusivity, you are not up for a casual sex.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:21pm
608: Sun Goddess says:

He is kind of vague about it…like, last night he said that he was thinking of having a pool party and would I go if he had one. I smiled, thought for a second, then said maybe. That’s the only time he mentioned his place, so I’m so confused about what he said to his friend.

I told him a few days ago how bad I wanted to invite him over here but saw he was busy based on his fb checkin.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:22pm
609: Sun Goddess says:

Thanks Memulo. I need to think up some feeling messages for tomorrow.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:23pm
610: Memulo says:

Maybe is a great answer! I have to force myself to say maybe instead of yes:) You are lucky it comes naturally to you, it’s so flirtatious.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:25pm
611: Sun Goddess says:

610,

He keeps saying that he can’t read me because of my responses like “maybe” and the fact that I just smile at him without saying a word sometimes. Acting like this is all new to me and I’m loving it.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:28pm
612: Memulo says:

I would avoid staying over after a party tbh. That doesn’t feel special to me;) Now I remember I told SmartCD at some point that I wanted it to be special and he understood.. though at that time we were alone in his apartment watching TV. He said he couldn’t wait and left me alone. The movie was really good

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:30pm
613: Starla says:

I feel so fatigued and exhausted and like I won’t possibly be able to make it through a day at work tomorrow… I feel dread and depression and like everyone can see how pathetic I am, eep!!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 7:59pm
614: Radlove says:

Lucy,

About the poke…the way I operate is I think a poke is relatively meaningless. As a rule, I don’t respond. The only one I respond to is my nieces, because they’re kids.

I look at it this way: if someone wants to reach out to me, let them reach out in a human way. A poke is not much effort. So I ignore it.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 8:15pm
615: Radlove says:

I need to be cuddled, loved, held, and touched.

That is a huge need in my life that has rarely been filled. It is not a bad thing. It is something that is taboo to talk about, and even more taboo to ask for.

I have been evaluating my friendship with Ryan. The closest I have ever felt to having that fulfilled is the first several months of our relationship 3 years ago. I realized that ever since then, I have been hoping our relationship would return to that wonderful time of just cuddling and pillow talk.

I am realizing a big reason I am turning him off is I keep asking for love, in one form or another. Totally taboo.

So what is my solution?

And please don’t say CD. Because any CD takes a long time before I get any sense of feeling loved. It feels far more like war or like being before a prosecutor in a court room. I am looking for a solution for my fundamental needs that were not met in childhood, that are holding me back on many levels.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 8:33pm
616: Starla says:

Thank you, Starla, for making me food all day and saving money
Thank you for figuring out what kind of car I will want
Thank you for getting some of my work done
Thank you for putting on a brave face

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 8:44pm
617: Starbright says:

Radlove,

How about more touchIng yourself in ways that Rori talks about. And bringing more touch into all parts of your life with friends. Finally as you are able see a masseuse for even 15 minutes of chair massage or anything that sounds like it would feel good. I know you get lots of furry cuddles with all of your pets and that is so great!

I would also look into other healing treatments. It seems like some sort of body therapy could be very helpful. Safe ways of getting more human touch seems crucial for you. And could help take the edge off. We all need human touch. If it is a huge need to be fulfilled by one person that can feel overwhelming. How else can you get this need fulfilled?

And how can playfulness and lightness be brought into dating? How can there be some fun there? It is difficult to attract someone if the experience is hated. Can one dance into it?

Thanks for the reminders about bringing I more touch and lightness and playfulness.

Hugs!

Starbright

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 8:52pm
618: Coco Kisses says:

@memulo…honestly my husband has no real reason to come by, we dont have any children together, and although he did help me with my daughter, he was not the greatest or involved step dad, he doesnt even call my daughter, or ask to take her out…so if he does come over, which after today i doubt that he will, im not even going to open the door for him….i feel emotionally worn out even thinking about him….im done…..i feel a sense of closure.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 8:59pm
619: Radlove says:

Starbright,

Re: #617 – Thank you so much! I feel vulnerable to talk about it, even tho it’s a universal need. All good suggestions, and I will move in those directions.

I keep looking at my pattern with Ryan, and as long as I stay on an encouraging-only level, it goes fine. As soon as my feelings start multiplying exponentially (again), I start overwhelming him with my emotional neediness.

As for dating, I don’t know. I just got burned several times by several CDs, which I didn’t even want to tell about here. I am feeling more withdrawn than ever and I really want to take some time to step back and work on myself.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 9:10pm
620: blue rose says:

i met a really nice guy speed dating. and i have decided that i will keep my heart open. and that i will not be afraid to fall in love. boy is this scary.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 9:27pm
621: Radlove says:

One thing I find is sometimes it is hard for me to receive a hug. At the moment when I need to be receiving love and affection, I feel fear, because of childhood, when I feared to be hit.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 9:31pm
622: Radlove says:

Soooooo tempted to text R

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 10:08pm
623: Tiffany says:

Helloooo, Ladies! I have been off-blog for a few days, but it seems slower than usual, so maybe it’s not just me. Maybe we are all out enjoying the weather – and going on C-dates!

Anyway – WOW. I don’t know what I did to shift my vibe. Maybe nothing! Maybe it is just the spring weather! But I do feel powerful – not in a big way, but in a more quiet way.

My run-in with my boss has made me feel really conscious of when I am trying to get “control” and when I am letting go and surrendering. When I am letting things take care of themselves and giving up what seems “right” to me for the greater good, instead of trying to determine what happens and what everyone else “should” be doing. Whew!

Also, truth-telling. I am practicing truthtelling like it’s going out of style.

Now. Not to brag. But more in a spirit of surprise, curiosity, amazement, and gratitude, I feel like writing out a list of all the random CDs that have contacted me – some out of the blue from a long time ago, some more recent – in the last week or so:

A – Well, I had a nice time with him (okay, it was more than a week ago). But the experience really made me realize how important it can be to be grateful for the things I have, instead of always wanting that one last thing that I didn’t get. He gave me so much that I wanted. I feel so grateful. It just doesn’t make sense to get all bent out of shape over one stupid thing that didn’t happen – and maybe is better overall that it didn’t happen anyway…I still might be better off not seeing him from here on out, since he doesn’t want the same things that I want. But it still feels nice to acknowledge something I can heal…

RC – Don’t know what I called him before. But he’s the guy I walked out on when we went to see a movie once (while I was dating OM/VM). He paid for my ticket and everything. I just felt uncomfortable and I left (he’s also the guy who bruised my tongue one time!!). He randomly chatted me on gchat. He said he wants to go dancing with me. I didn’t really make plans, but I didn’t shut him off either.

RoBoat – Well, you know. I ran into him dancing a few weeks ago. I don’t know why I get so excited or feel so drawn to him. I know that he’s controlling, and I don’t always like how he smells. I can’t explain why he feels so familiar.

DanceCD – He’s a new one. I thought he was all shy and stuff, but then he was flirting up a storm with me after class last week. Hot! But now maybe I should watch out. He might just be after only one thing…

V – Now, he is *definitely* after only one thing. Haha But he’s good at it! So can I blame him?? I love the way his body feels next to mine. He gets me excited in a way that makes me feel comfortable and even proud and excited about my own sexuality! I love that. It feels good to play, and to be seen by someone who isn’t afraid of my sexual personality – celebrates it, even….

MM – I haven’t seen this guy in FOREVER!!! Last time I saw him was probably more than 6 months ago. I remember him. He is very attractive and very smart. I don’t know if he’s looking for a real relationship or not, but I enjoy spending time with him. He got in touch with me last week, and we set up a date. I feel curious to see what happens!

MovieCD – This one is (*gasp!*) a white guy!! lol. He’s a friend of a friend who offered to take me out to a movie for my birthday. Awwww… So sweet!!! I feel really touched by that. It’s so considerate. It’s been really hard to schedule – since I have work, and lots of other birthday things to do. But it’s so nice that he wants to! So cute! I feel appreciative : )

YoungGuy – This is a new one, too (also Indian – like all the others ; ) he contacted me off the Indian dating site, and is 5 years younger than me. We had dinner on Saturday, and it felt super awkward to me. I just feel that was are TOTALLY different people. I don’t feel like the kind of person he can “get” – although maybe I’m not giving him a chance, or enough credit in that arena. I feel afraid of being “weird” to him. And maybe the fear is worse than the reality. But on the other hand, I do try to pay attention to these intuitions. They are usually right. However, he did say that he had fun on our date, and he wants to do it again. I’m not sure if he was just being polite. I haven’t responded and I’m taking my time.

Hm…is that all of them? I feel like I missed one.

Oh yeah!!

So there was TG – he’s also white. I don’t really consider him potential BF material. But he’s a nice guy friend. I went to see his band play. But they canceled.

K – The same time I went to see TG, I called/texted K to say that I was going to be in his city. He was really happy about that, and when the band wasn’t playing, he came over and met me and we had dinner. It was really nice to see him. He is such a sweet-hearted guy! And I don’t know. I just like him. Even though the sex wasn’t the best. I knew he really liked me. At one point, he tried to tell me that everything he had said to me was “bullsh*t.” And at first that felt a little bad, like how could he lie to be about stuff like that? And then I realized what was true. And in a playful way, I told him that, no, in fact, it was not bullsh*t. Him saying it was bullsh*t was BS. I totally called him out on it, and it felt good. I always feel good about owning my power with him. And he is cute. I like his little archipelago of moles right next to his eye : )

Okay one more: Then there is D – D is also a friend, and I don’t feel very drawn to him for a relationship. But we did end up having dinner and going to see a concert together. It was a “friend date” so I was paying for myself (I would have been happy if he’d offered to pay for me, but he did not. So I ponied up.) And that was fine. It helped me expand my view of dating to where something can still pretty much be a “date” even if each person pays for themselves. Although, I gotta say, I still like it when the guy whips out the card and says “I’ll get it.”

Okay, I guess that’s all of them. Whew, I feel like a busy little siren! Also, I got to hold a ton of babies today!!! I feel happy! : )

Good night/week/day ladies!! xoxo

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:19pm
624: Tiffany says:

Wow, that was a long post! Okay, here is the short list – sans descriptions:

A
RC
RoBoat
DanceCD
V
MM
MovieCD
YoungGuy
TG
K
D

(And then there’s the other K, who wants to date me, but hasn’t set up a date yet. Don’t know what he’s waiting for…but meanwhile it’s okay, since I’m pretty sure that I could go on one date with him, but not sure if I’d want to do more….)

Even without him, that’s still – 10 CDs!! Wow! I feel impressed with myself! You go, woman! Haha. *Pat on the back*

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:25pm
625: Emerson says:

(((radlove)))
(((starla)))
(((blog)))
(((sirens)))

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:27pm
626: Tiffany says:

P.S. I almost forgot. I came on here, because I wanted to post an article that someone had on facebook. It totally spoke to me, and I have a feeling it probably will for many of us…. ; )

http://www.superherojournal.com/2012/04/24/what-do-you-project-into-the-silence/

It’s about what we do in our heads when we are not hearing back from someone…and how disconnected that can be from reality. But really tells us more about ourselves – see what you guys think!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:37pm
627: Emerson says:

Yay Tiffany!

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:38pm
628: Emerson says:

Thanks Tiffany I will read it.

Recycled seems so hot and cold.
He’s all hot all over me and then poof….gone for days on end.

My NVs tell me he has sooo many women…but who knows.

We are not even “dating” right now.

We are just “talking”…

I have been on a roller coaster feeling good then feeling bad then good again then bad and then ok….its really hard for me to let go of control…

I am learning to slowly…

I feel worried about Recycled and i feel bad for him sometimes…. How can I be sure I’m just being caring and concerned and not codependent??

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:44pm
629: Emerson says:

Ive been focusing on me and what I’m thankful for and feeling ok about that….but I still get scared/panicked that I will end up alone.

Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 11:46pm
630: Silver Moonbeam says:

Wow so quiet on here, where is everybody? I have been MIA for a few days and the blog has barely moved on…………….

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:57am
631: Turquoise says:

Good morning sirens. I woke up today having had dreams of C that I don’t really remember, but I feel heavy and contemplative. It’s really hard letting go of what I want so I might actually be able to have what I want with someone else.
I wonder if I like the pain and disappointment and that is why i so willingly stay open to the possibility of him. Am i afraid to actually be happy if it means it must be with someone else?
How long will it take to stop wanting him and wishing he’d choose me? That free feeling I felt the other day is Gone. Today I just feel disappointed that I don’t have the man I want.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:49am
632: Tam says:

Yes, how does one get rid of the disappointment of not having the man one wants? Especially when you knows he loves you too, but because of his issues has problems getting attached and committed, and he even opens up and tells you of his deepest fears.

It’s one thing to step back and waiting for men to step forward and so on, but when this has happened and there is mutual love and friendship for years, and he does push himself a little more each time, but not enough for you – how can you, when there is love from both sides – just step away?

He feels rejected (imagined) and so do I, and he was open enough to tell me, a very new development. Simply because I told him that I want a real relationship and not just a loose friendship with sex (I did not go there this time around). He said he respected it and you could see him fighting with himself and stopping himself from approaching me in a sexual way. He did that for me, basically, whilst still treating me like a gf, taking me out, helping me with stuff, paying for everything etc etc.

I have decided to step back, but not before writing him a message, telling him how I feel (as I had not really done that, guess I also have issues), and also telling him that I want a proper relationship and if it’s not with him then someone else, and that I am happy and thanked him for all the good times and making me happy….but that I will not enter into what I perceive as a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. I do feel that I want a man who wants me 100% and this is why I stepped away, and have no more expectations – but when you know he loves you too it makes it a lot harder. It’s done!!

I know this is definitely leaning forward but it is the last time for me, and I accept that sometimes even love from both sides has no future. I do want a relationship but nothing half-hearted, and especially if I am in love with the man, it will just lead to insecurities and heartbreak further along the lines. But it feels so sad to know that I have to find my happiness with someone else, KNOWING that he has feelings for me too and knowing that we have a huge respect for one another.

Only time will heal this, and concentrating on myself.
Any other tips? I am not ready to date and live in a small place without a car right now, so I would like to do this from the inside…somehow?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:22am
633: Memulo says:

Good morning Turquoise,

What if you try to look at it as part of the process as opposed to a result? It’s the uncertainty of not knowing what is going to happen. But honestly we are all in this boat.. there is no guarantee even after 20 years of marriage.. you know this better than anyone, right. We all want our someone wonderful, be it someone we already know or a guy we are about to meet.. We can only hope and be ready, let them fall for us, don’t you think?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:26am
634: Dominique says:

Tam – You don’t want to get rid of anything; you do want to feel all that you feel. And if you feel sure you have made the right choice for you, then the feelings of pain and disappointment will ease and move on through you.

In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, kind, and loving. Take extra time and care with yourself in all things even something simple and routine such as washing your face, but you would do so with love and tenderness. Pamper yourself. Revel in it.

Immerse yourself in things you love to do, things which turn you on, make you feel passionate whatever this looks like to you.

Surround yourself with people you love to hang with, those who make you smile, laugh, feel good.

Date yourself, even if it’s just holding eye contact with the elderly gentleman at the coffee shop, exchanging a smile.

As with all things that don’t feel great, this too shall pass, as long as you allow the feelings so they can then flow though and morph into something which feels better.

xxoo

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:41am
635: Tam says:

Thank you Dominique, that’s so nice and great advice. Guess part of it is that I had to leave my apartment and put it up for rent (by the beach, I love it) and needed to move back with parents, so all in all a difficult situation…and sometimes it is hard to see the positive….but your advice is lovely. I shall try

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:59am
636: siren song says:

I don’t feel like going to work today! I want to stay home and make music!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:04am
637: Tam says:

have I made the right choice, now I can’t be sure of that. I just didn’t want to hang on for something that seems half-hearted, because it brings out my insecurities…I know he will be back so it will be very hard to know what to do for the best.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:04am
638: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel guilty about a younger guy. I still haven’t worked up the guts to ask exactly how old he is, but something tells me he is on the end of scandel…

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:33am
639: Starla says:

ehhhh, mornings are really rough on me. I hate CF today for putting me through this by not speaking to me and giving me no sense of closure whatsover. I know Rori says forget closure, which I’m doing, but a guy who refuses to offer it is a coward. Be a man and say what you need to say in person, and then move on with your life, a*shole.

Ohh, but that’s right, he said to me a long time ago that he’s “not a man.” Well, I should have listened. Cuz I went ahead and fell right in love with you, j*erkface!

ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:45am
640: Starla says:

I’m also just hormonal and should be getting my period this weekend, if it goes according to plan;)

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:48am
641: Tam says:

Hey Starla!!
Yes, the mornings are tough!! You will be ok.
I agree also, why can’t men speak up? No idea. I agree that it’s cowardly but unsure as to why they just disappear. I guess it’s about being self centered. They do what they want. Some guys don’t do it, even if they don’t want to talk, they will respond with something that makes sense. The silence is the worst. Or is it? Perhaps because it creates hope, sometimes better to know? Urgh.

Yes, oftentimes they do give us clues and we don’t listen because the other stuff is so good. Will we ever learn?

Hope things will get better for you.
xxx

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:49am
642: Starla says:

Yeah, all he had to do was text “hey, not ready to talk yet.”

The last thing he said was “I’ll be ready to talk tomorrow,” after explaining in great detail how he doesn’t want to “hurt me anymore.” Well THIS hurts worse than anything! What a self-centered, immature jerkface. I hate him today. For the last 3+ weeks I’ve been feeling like, “oh poor baby, he must be feeling so awful that he can’t even speak to me, and I hope he’s okay!” but now I feel like he can rot in hell for leaving me hanging like this, so that nearly a month later I wake up feeling like someone shot a hole in my chest for no good reason.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:10am
643: Jan says:

I have to chime in on that one. I think it is so ridiculous when a man says “I don’t want to hurt you…BUT” Or, I don’t want to say no to you…BUT”. What a way to skate out of the responsibility of being a decent human being. Ick. Now I am irritated.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:18am
644: Tam says:

Yep. I also am guilty of the ‘feeling sorry for him’, and ‘his issues’ etc when maybe we should have looked after Number 1 and not make excuses for bad behaviour towards us.
I am sure they are ok because they just focus on something else, the job or a project or whatever…

I think it is good to put things into perspective and makes us want a man who is good to us next time, not unavailable and making excuses (or not even bothering to make excuses or communicate).

It’s all a learning curve, even if it hurts!!

Chin up!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:18am
645: Starla says:

Thanks Tam, Jan:)

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:21am
646: Tam says:

Urgh, my guy just sent a reply to my message – pretty surprised…..and now I don’t even want to read it because I think it is either meaningless bla bla or rejection…yikes.

I’ll save it for another (better) day…

It’s proibably a ‘I don’t want to hurt you’..haha…and may result in me throwing my laptop out of the window. So not today.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:23am
647: Emerson says:

Hi Tam, Jan and Starla.
((hugs))
I feel it’s so hard not to be affected by their responses or replies….like so much of my feelings hinge on “what will they say??” but I don’t want to feel that way and be so dependent on the outcome for how I feel. It’s frustrating.

This may not resonate with sirens who are not “religious” but for me…I have been praying about it when that icky feeling happens and praying for strength and love….for myself….and others…and it does help me quite a bit.

For example, I feel let down when I hear no word from Recycled…and wonder why he doesn’t reach out to me. But I’m leaning back. And my other CD’s are QUIET….zzzz….do you hear crickets?? LOL

Sending love to you ladies….xoxo
Emerson

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:15am
648: Starbright says:

New post is up!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:18am
649: Emerson says:

I’m really noticing my shyness ….
the other day I was at the store and I could tell this (cute) guy was lookng at me and instead of doing the five second smile….I walked away as fast as I could and felt all self conscious. Duh! I was wearing sweats and did not feel attractive at all Aw oh well maybe next time Emerson you can say hi

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:33am
650: Love Actually says:

@486: Radlove
Thanks for posting this – made me belly laugh out loud. My ex-husband used to come home every day and ask me this same question and I remember having fantasies of wanting to torture him.

@569: Turquoise I’m so glad what I said resonated with you yesterday!
@631: I’m wanting to give you a big hug that you woke up feeling down today. It’s so hard to let go of the hope of having it work with someone specific sometimes…I wish I knew the answer. Sometimes I feel that I am somehow afraid of allowing all the yumminess for fear if I have it, I might lose it again – not sure, but in my head I think I deserve all the good stuff and can visualize it for myself, but then I get stuck with making it happen and I obsess about my guy and making it work with him as though my whole life depended on it. I feel amused at myself today.

I want to celebrate also that yesterday I think I circular dated (not totally sure cuz I don’t have those programs yet), so would love to know from you guys if this is going in the right diretion. I made sure to hold my gaze with several men and they responded with big huge smiles – one guy at my sons baseball game kept catching my eye after that and smiling and smiling. At church I had to unload a bunch of stuff out of my car and this fellow who parked beside me offered to help and I caught myself resisting and he gently pushed and kept saying how strong he was and how well his wife and grandchildren had trained him and I finally got it and let him help me and it felt soooooo great!

I felt pretty good about asking my guy for a few days of space to try to collect myself a bit more and then he texted and called me like 4 times last night. I said “I feel surprised to hear from you, I thought we agreed to take a few days and not be in communication” He responded “I’m starting tomorrow, it makes sense to me to start at midnight” Then the last time he called me to say goodnight, he said “I’ll talk to you on the weekend” I felt totally freaked out and said “I feel weird to hear that and frustrated, we talked about a few days, why are you saying till the weekend” He said “I thought you said 3-4 days or 4-5 days” I said “how about I just take as many days as i feel i need, what do you think” He said that is fine.

This makes me wonder if he said he would wait until the weekend just to get me going…and if he called me so many times last night because he was feeling insecure or he wanted to be in control of how this was going to work…uggg. I always want to figure out what he is thinking…

Would Rori say to just feel what I feel and work on my own stuff and quit worrying about what he is thinking and pay attention to his actions?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:34am
651: Goodheart says:

Dominique, thank you for the advice. I am going to see if this hormonal stuff rights itself this month. I may switch up my diet a little – just step back from the sugar more – & see if that helps.

I don’t know why, but I really feel like my skin reacts when I eat yogurt so I’m going to stop that too.

I appreciate your reply to me

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:42am
652: Radlove says:

Love Actually,

I’m glad you liked the little story! It reminded me of childhood, because my Dad treated my Mom like that. He wasn’t realistic about all it takes to run a household and raise children.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:21am
653: Dominique says:

Goodheart – A possible reason that you may be breaking out from the yogurt is that it’s full of good bacteria, so when you ingest it, it’s possibly pushing out the not good bacteria this the breakouts.

Anything is possible, so I can’t say for sure if is what is happening with you.

Another thing about cyclical hormonal shifts, and I mean the ones over the years, not the monthly ones, is that the will tend to do what they do.

For example I never broke out a as a teenager or twenty something year old, but I did go through a spell of two or three years of it in my early forties. My diet has always been clean, and I get plenty of exercise, so I just had to wait it out as frustrating as it felt.

Cleaning up your diet is a good thing regardless, and it may help.

Also try the yogurt masques I’ve been recommending to everyone, plain FULL FAT yogurt, european and greek are fine. I have used the regular and the european with great results though the former is more watery so messier.

Used as a masque, it heal, helps breakouts, soothes any skin conditions from itchiness to sunburn to sensitivities to dryness to oiliness. It’s almost like a panacea for the skin.

I do them once a week or more. I actually do my whole body now too.

xxoo

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:36am
654: Goodheart says:

Dominique, I will try it! I still have some greek yogurt in my fridge so I will do it tonight

If the yogurt IS pushing out the bad bacteria should I keep eating it to clean it all out? Or will that just keep the cycle going?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:07am
655: Dominique says:

Goodheart – It’s hard to say. It also depends how much “stuff” you have in there. You could try keeping it up for say a week, and if it gets worse or stays the same, then discontinue. If it then gets better, then maybe it’s just not the right food for you right now.

Have you tried eating goat milk yogurt? It’s easier to digest for many, myself included. Stay away from the fruit ones, sweetened ones. Buy only the plain and embellish as you wish, eg. fresh fruit, agave nectar.

xxoo

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 12:16pm
656: Coco Kisses says:

It is hard accepting that the persin you love no longer loves you or sees u as a romantic prospect.

I know that even though i am feeling pain, saddness and rejeced..i know my dreams , especially fhose dreams of having a love of a life and a beautiful family WILL come true!!! I have loved hard in my life and i will reap those love seeds back ten fold…. Just u sirens watch and see!!!!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:09pm
657: Gemini says:

hi all, thanks for the info regarding comments-in-moderation! i’ll be more patient next time, i was just ready to join the party! bless

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:16pm
658: Goodheart says:

Dominique, I’ve been getting the plain greek yogurt (Open Nature). I put my own blueberries in there & sometimes some pure dark amber maple syrup to sweeten it up.

I haven’t seen the goat milk yogurt. I will look for it.

Thanks so much

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:22pm
659: Tiffany says:

Umm….Plain yogurt with maple syrup is so good! I also like it with (raw) honey. Yum!

Oh, my. Ladies, we have one happy siren on our hands! lol (that’s me!! )

btw, another CD popped up. So if you include both K’s (even though I’ve only “talked” to one, and not actually dated), plus N, then that makes – 12 CDs! Yay!

And tonight – whooee!! Happy girl time! It’s my birthday tomorrow! And Yes, yes, yes, yes yes.

I finally got what I needed/wanted, and it was so unexpected and out of the blue. I haven’t seen MM since – I can’t even remember when. It might have been as late as October, but it could have been august. I always remembered him as being one of the better-looking (and better-feeling;) CDs that I’d been out with. (Oh yeah, It was back when RoBoat was being all possessive on me…;) We went on several dates and kind of “fooled around,” but we never actually had sex.

Anyway, it was really sweet tonight. He took me out to dinner, and I got the sexiest food. Really, I was all a mess, and just gorgeous and loving it. And I was talking about what I love, and I was passionate, and I felt comfortable. At no point did I feel that he was asking me overly-invasive questions. That happens a lot for me, but not with him, somehow.

Then, later in the evening, surprise surprise, he was taking his time and going slow. I’ve gotten so used to guys rushing to the finish line (like A with his “quickies”) that I’m almost prepared to make a dash for it and maybe never catch up. But oh, no. Not this guy. He was doing it all slowly, and it felt so good.

And I never had the “speech” about “no sex unless it’s in a committed relationship,” because in that moment, I did not care! I put no weight on it whatsoever. I never asked him what was “going on” or “what we were doing.” I never asked for anything. I was just ready for what I wanted. and he came through – with flying colors! Let me tell you. Oh my. And I didn’t ask when I’ll see him next, or what happens. I am simply letting myself enjoy the experience. I am letting myself feel good, and just feeling how good that feels. Mmmm….

How he feels is all for him. What he does next is what he decides to do.

He’s a pretty good guy. He traded his Beemer in for a Prius. I think that really says something!

Oh yeah, I forgot the sweetest part. He actually told me, when we were together, that it’s been a long time since he’s had sex. hard to believe, since the guy is REALLY good looking!! I mean, sexy as all get-out. He could be an underwear model. But I guess things have just been busy at work. It was nice to be with someone who really appreciated the experience.

And I *definitely* appreciated it.

Happy Birthday To MEEEEEE! *****

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:57pm
660: Tiffany says:

Hi Emerson!!! (((hugs)))

I felt really interested in your question:

“How can I be sure I’m just being caring and concerned and not codependent??”

Hm…I don’t know if there is an answer for this, but I feel compelled to try. Because this is something that I struggle with myself, sometimes!

I guess this all comes back to the “counting” thing. How are you counting? Is you being “caring and concerned” eclipsing or negating the care for that you have for yourself? Are you forgetting to care about yourself and caring about him instead? I say counting, because it’s remembering that “1″ comes before “2.” If you are counting “2″ (i.e. him) first, then you are counting backwards. If you are truly caring about YOU first, then it’s totally fine to care about him! But my guess is that you are wondering because part of you feels neglected. And you wish that HE would care about you as much as you care about him. But actually, it’s part of you calling out for attention from YOURSELF.

When I’m feeling “neglected” I like to imagine hugging myself as a child. It’s a really sweet image, and it usually lets me know that I care about myself, and I’m not forgetting me, and pretty soon, I don’t care what anybody else is up to. Lol.

So those are just my 2 cents. Maybe that helps??

I am learning a lot about codependency. I highly recommend any books by Melanie Beatty! She is amazing!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:05pm
661: Tiffany says:

CocoKisses #656 –

yes, that feeling is the worst. Even though I haven’t been married before, and probably can’t imagine it on the level that you are feeling right now, I definitely know that I have felt that – and the pain and confusion that go with it. It sucks. It really, really sucks. Guys can be so confusing and turn on a time, and it always throws us for a loop. But that also means that somewhere, perhaps in the near future, is a guy who is really going to care for you…I am starting to believe more and more in the phenomenon that the “wrong” guy will get out of your way and make room for the “right” guy to come into your life – even if it feels yucky at the time….

Hugs for you. ((coco))

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:12pm
662: Radlove says:

LOL, I was laughing at myself as I went to bed last night! I was surrounded by so many electronic devices and things that I was calling myself in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of an emotional hospital on electronic life support, LOL!

I had both vibrators plugged in, the under the back vibration and heat pad (helped with a strained muscle in my shoulder blade), remote control, phone, litter of kittens, a dog. It was hilarious, or either I would laugh or cry. it was all in my effort to not contact R, but it was too late. I was contacting him anyway.

I woke up feeling somewhat better, altho puffy faced, because I ate too much sugar the last two days.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:31am
663: Radlove says:

Goodheart and Dominique,

653 – On detox and breaking out, I find that when I first start a pure diet, of mostly fruits and veggies (and healthy stuff like yogurt), I may break out for a week or two, or get what looks like diarrhea, but really isn’t and doesn’t leave me feeling sick. Then once all the toxins get pushed out, like D says, I get really clear skin, etc.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:30pm
664: Coco Kisses says:

@tiffany #661 ty for the words of encouragement…i had a few emotional breakdowns today, but im feeling much bettsr. Im stsrting counseling tomorrow …i feel really good about that…i need to start the healing process

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:18pm
665: Daria says:

i felt scared to connect with my mom while i was high

then i felt ashamed

then i asked a disconnecting thing

i feel so sad

i also feel kinda thrilled and excited

i feel sad

i love all my feelings

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:03pm
666: Femininewoman says:

She wrote me:

“Dear Rori, Thank you. Yes, my anger, has always been a problem for me. I feel anger towards men period (inherited it from my family as well). I’m aware, don’t want to hate men, but I have anger. And sometimes I’m yelling, and sometimes I want to throw things. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m angry. I’m afraid I’ll get so angry I’ll scare him away. I know I feel anger towards my boyfriend for things he does and doesn’t do, but some of it is from past relationships and family attitudes. But I don’t want to be angry!! Cheryl”

I wrote her:

Cheryl, sometimes we’re angry because, really, we’re scared.

And anger is a much more powerful, much better feeling emotion than fear.

Anger can get us into gear.

Anger can propel us to make changes.

But, sometimes, we vent our anger on someone else (usually the people closest to us) because we’re really angry at ourselves.

We’re really angry at our own fear and lack of boundaries.

When we’re closed off in some ways, we attract relationships that keep that kind of balance and tension – it’s just too scary to get closer.

So, as you practice what we worked on tonight, you may feel some barriers coming down, and you will feel him come closer to you – it may feel messy and scary and uncomfortable.

Consider it a gift and as a sign that you’re on the right track.

Practice visualizing him coming closer to you while your defenses are down. Don’t let him come any closer than you’re comfortable, and take it slow – until you can allow him really close while you’re relaxed and undefended.

Also – right in line with doing less is SPEAKING less. We women are gifted communicators, but what I’m asking you to do is to learn to get comfortable with silence. Once you do, you’re half-way there.

Love, Rori

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:22am
667: Debbie says:

Rori,

I have a question. I am “more than friends”, but not having sex, with the man who ‘I” broke-up with in January because I was feeling insecure about things and he said some things (he’s not great at saying things) that I didn’t understand until now.

He feels that he’s not ready to be committed but doesn’t want anyone but me, but with other stressors in his life, feels “friends” is all he can give right now. I don’t buy it, but we are friends.

It was his pursute of me, him falling all over himself etc. Now his “stressors” are begining to be solved one by one.

He’s on vacation with at his daughters this week and was left alone at Lake Tahoe for a few days. He has called me…calls are anything special.

Here’s his take:
1. we are more than friends…meaning we are somewhat affectionate…no sex
2. I don’t like it…but try to be ok and upbeat
3. we sit together at church which is close to his house and i live far enough away to not want to drive home.
4. he doesn’t really “ask” me out because of how we started dating, me living at a distance and he already living close to the church I really love.
5. he invited me to sit with him 2 years ago, I accepted after some resistance.
6. we only started dating after 1 1/2 years of friendship and I had to move due to money needs.
7. I’m making myself not reach out these next 8 days or so while he’s gone and want to let him feel me not there.
8. I don’t know how to make space without doing the same stupid thing I keep doing…getting hurt, feeling neglected, raising an issue, him saying what he needs, knowing I wasn’t ready to not have Any relationship without him.
9. now – I know I want a commitment and am not doing buddy balongna any longer
10. I’m proud the other day when we were laying across his bed watching tv…he asked if I wanted to “get naked”. I non-chalantly looked at him and said, “when death we do part.” and went back to watching the tv.
11. He says, “that won’t be for a long time”…he has said he dates longggg. I’ve said, “Not Me!”
12. He does not want anyone else and told me that over and over when we were together…
13. he’s never said he loves me…just, “there’s love in there…” wow, what a dream. Huh!

SO, I must posture myself and get this show on the road, and if he wants to step-up and start adding value and commitment and purpose to “us”,…I’d really like that. But I don’t know how to make changes in this scenario.

Help Please,
Debbie

Monday, 7 May 2012 @ 5:17pm
668: Rori Raye says:

Debbie – there’s nothing to do, no changes to make – except you getting OUT OF THERE! Meaning – change “friends” to social acquaintances. Don’t sit with him, don’t go out with him. Dump him cold. Until you start Circular Dating and ignoring men who act like this, you’ll never know what it feels like to have lots of men interested in you. It’s just your fear of being loved that’s keeping you stuck here. For some men, having a girl around, lying around watching TV – even without sex (for many men, sex is practically irrelevant) is all they need and want. You are giving him all he needs and wants. This is as far as it goes. Circular Dating this man would be practicing the Tools with him when you run into him at church. If things change for him – he knows where to find you – but I believe he’s already shown you who he is and what he wants with you. Love, Rori

Tuesday, 8 May 2012 @ 9:32am
669: Coco Kisses says:

@ Debbie……..please do your self a HUGE favor and read Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl
http://www.amazon.com/Unavailable-Fallback-Girl-Understanding-ebook/dp/B005WJGPZI

the man you are dealing with is emotionally unavailbale, is using you, and obvioosuly thinks your stupid, and desperate…..follow aRori’s advice…. cut contact with this LOSER!!! and read the book!!!!!

Tuesday, 8 May 2012 @ 10:27am
670: Bess says:

I am seeing a man that is very sensitive. He has been badly emotionally hurt in the past. He keeps everything to himself. Has great difficulty opening up. He has low self esteem, and a fraigle ego. What is the best way to help him ? Do you have information on dating a highly sensitive man ?

Thursday, 10 May 2012 @ 6:02am
671: Rori Raye says:

Bess – I’ve deleted your last name for your privacy – Everything here will help you. The moment you STOP trying to “help” him – that’s when things will get better. Love, Rori

Friday, 11 May 2012 @ 9:24am
672: Annie says:

Since i have mostly stopped initiating I feel huge waves of extreme anxiety on most days at some times.
I do know that this anxiety is due to having no control.
Although it feels easier to ride it now then it did at first, at times I still shake and feel overwhelmed.
This anxiety appears to be the root cause for any anger.
If the anger feels at the point of rage I still at times react in my old robust controlling ways.

It was so bad at first I had severe panic attacks from the anxiety and do wonder if I did actually have a nervous break down.
Do you think this is what can happen at times when we stop reacting in are normal controlling ways?

Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:23pm
673: Annie says:

our*

Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:25pm
674: Stephanie A says:

Hi Rori, I want to say that I really love your advice that I receive via newsletters because they offer helpful tips and insight that helps one to maintain a relationship and not just how to prevent finding a bad relationship that a lot of these other books focus on. I need your advice on my long distance relationship. I’ve been seeing this guy who lives in NY and I live in FL, since October 2011, and we finally seen each other in April, 2012 for my birthday. I’ve known of him through family since 1999, but as adults, we reconnected through Facebook last year. I’m 32,he’s 30, I have no children, and he has one. My problem with him is that he’s not consistent and he doesn’t keep his word. If he says I’ll call you back in an half an hour it will be two hours later, and this has been an ongoing problem since we’ve met. He is constantly hanging out late past 2am with his friends and I find myself worried about what he’s doing and fearing that he’s hurt, etc, because of his lack of Courtesy of letting me know that he’s going to be late. I thought after us meeting and getting closer, would change this, but I don’t know how long I should give him to change especially since its long distance and time is of the essence for me. I tried to apply your Rubberband Man technique last night when he was suppose to call me back in an half an hour from 2am but his contact after was @ 4am via text, asking me “why I booked his flight to return so early in the morning?” This highly upset me because he was inconsiderate to my feelings to ask that question instead of acknowledging that he didn’t call me when he said he would, I mean it’s 4am! I let him know I thought that was wrong at how he didn’t keep his word in calling me back, and that his text was inappropriate especially since I paid for that ticket and he apparently forgot that I told him it was an early flight. It just annoyed me because I don’t want to be anyone’s mother and check up on them to see if they’re ok, I feel that as a man he should concerned about me… He got defensive and didn’t say anything on the phone and just said he’s not going to argue with me and that really made me more mad and hurt me that he chose to ignore how I felt and didn’t want to address it. I would love to hear your advice on this matter. I don’t think he should even come to FL in two weeks if I am not of importance to him to resolve this issue.

Friday, 18 May 2012 @ 9:33am
675: Rori Raye says:

Stephanie – your entire problem is your investment in him, your exclusivity to him – this is NOT yet a relationship! Please read everything you can here on Circular Dating, get Targeting Mr. Right if you can – and all your questions will be answered, and you’ll be in a better place to deal with this…

Friday, 18 May 2012 @ 1:32pm
676: Radlove says:

Stephanie,

Welcome! I have been in a lot of long distance relationships (LDRs), and it is hard to begin with. Their survival is rare. It isn’t real until he is in front of you. To put demands on him and check where he is, etc is only going to turn him off.

If he comes to visit you, you have a chance of the relationship surviving.

FYI, most of us write on the newest thread, found here:

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/

Friday, 18 May 2012 @ 5:55pm
677: Annette says:

Hi,

Just wondered if you would have any advice… I’ve been dating a guy for about 10 months. Dated him seriously 20 years ago. I took off then due to being scared and JUST out of a bad divorce. He has been interested in me since then and would try to get back together. Now, he is just getting out of a bad marriage and pulling away saying he needs time. Not ready for a relationship, but found himself in one. Still plans to do some work for me at my house in a couple of weeks, but we aren’t “seeing” each other right now. I really care for him. We always have a wonderful time when together and have never argued. He says his feelings for me haven’t changed and he isn’t seeing anyone else or looking for anyone else. Any ideas?

Tuesday, 22 May 2012 @ 11:43am
678: Rori Raye says:

Annette – GO with this! Meaning – still Circular Date, let him lead…however long it takes, if you’re not exclusive with him, you should be fine…Love, Rori

Tuesday, 22 May 2012 @ 3:05pm
679: Annette says:

I’m back with a couple of questions from my May 22 post….
So, Christian Carter’s advice for those who have a man who “isn’t ready” for a relationship almost sounds like I should stop seeing this guy all together. He is planning to see me for a ride this weekend. I’ve only had one text from him (I work out of town & am gone for a week at a time)and that was day before yesterday. I’m not initiating contact with him. I don’t want to stop seeing him completely, but don’t know what to do. I am going out with other guys, but not interested in them.. He said he wasn’t looking for anyone and wasn’t seeing anyone else, and that only time would tell what would happen with us. Very confusing for me: Any more advice?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:53pm

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