Are You Upset At Everything He Says And Does?

angerHere’s a letter from Carol, who’s feeling horrible with her man – and my very “tough” answer:

Hi Rori,

I have a question. My man and I were out to dinner and he made the comment that one of his top 5 loves was women. I was hurt by this comment because it made me feel unimportant and like he wants to date many women. Than after I questioned him he tells me he meant it like he loves his mom and his sisters and than I was mad because he put me on the same level as his relatives.

Then he expresses how much he loves me in the middle of this loud venue and I felt like I couldn’t talk. So we get home and he says he doesn’t feel welcome so he leaves and goes home to his house. He always leaves and never wants to work it out. I feel abandoned and that he’s just not mature enough for me to spend the time with him.

I had looked through his emails and saw that he contacted a massage therapist in hopes of a happy ending when we weren’t talking. He also sent a pic of me to his friend of me in my lingerie. So I told him about it last night because I asked him about it and he lied and said that he had never done that. Without showing him the e-mail I don’t think I would have gotten the truth.

I’m so confused and need some guidance.

Thank you, Carol”

From Me:

Carol – here’s what I’m getting from your letter – and I’m going to be harsh and direct because of how you phrased things in the letter to me:

1. This man can’t do anything right.

Everything he does or says, you take as a personal affront, an offense, or in a negative light.

He’s constantly having to defend himself. You’re constantly upset by him – even over the smallest things, because you’re upset about big things and haven’t worked them through.

You’re driving him away.

2. I don’t think the massage or the lingerie is worth dumping a good man for...but that’s up to you, and your assessment of him as an essentially “good man” or not.

3. You’re going to either have to dump him because you don’t believe he can ever make you happy – or you have to start RADICALLY ACCEPTING HIM and STOP interpreting everything he does or says as pertaining to YOU in a negative way.

Join in the conversation – “Yeah, we women are AMAZING – I’m so glad you appreciate us!” is a much better answer than becoming upset….

By making everything about you – you make it impossible for him to be himself.

He’s walking on eggshells and developing anger (and doing stupid things)…

If my husband said to me one of his top 5 things was women – How I’d feel and respond might have a LOT to do with “context” – what made him say it, how he was behaving around me just before he said it, what he did after he said it, what feelings got triggered in me…all of that.

I could take it as a personal slam at me in some insidious, insensitive way – or I could take it as a glowing tribute to women and his appreciation of them.

I don’t know what I’d feel in that moment, or what I’d do, but I’d mightily consider choosing the more upbeat options.

And I see that you chose to take it as a personal affront.

Either this is because he’s a narcissistic, uncaring, stupid man who was being insensitive, cruel and jerky, or because he’s simply “clueless” and has a warped sense of humor and even less understanding of women, or because there’s some friction between you and it’s causing him to develop a lot of anger and resentment and stuff it down so that it comes out in weird ways like this that seem like a DELIBERATE attempt to hurt you – or because you are so all about you that you can’t see the big picture.

Please just consider all of this.

If the possibility exists that you take EVERYTHING personally, and he’s just cluelessly playing into that constantly, so that both of you can maintain this hurtful dynamic between you, please consider it.

If it’s even a fraction correct that much of this is about you being so “sensitized” to everything he does and says that everything automatically becomes all about you – then you can turn it around by turning around your perception and interpretation, and the “meaning” you give everything he says and does, everything that happens.

Please take this as NOT that YOU’RE doing anything WRONG, either – it just isn’t HELPFUL for you to see things this way, and it isn’t serving you.

It’s just undermining the relationship.

Better to see things more clearly and either stay or go.

Love, Rori

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793 Comments to “Are You Upset At Everything He Says And Does?”

  1. 1: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “By making everything about you – you make it impossible for him to be himself.”

    I have done this, and I am learning not to.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:40am

  2. 2: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! That is a lot to think about! I am really trying to learn that the things a man says and does are about what is going on in his head (where I don’t need to be trying to get!) and are not a reflection on me or about me. It makes it easier for me to be interested in what he is saying and not triggered by it.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:44am

  3. 3: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I just got out of a similar situation. I appreciate your response Rori.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:47am

  4. 4: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “….much of this is about you being so “sensitized” to everything he does and says that everything automatically becomes all about you – then you can turn it around by turning around your perception and interpretation, and the “meaning” you give everything he says and does…”

    This was so me. Everything WM said and did was all about me (perhaps I was even subconsciously mirroring ‘his’ narcissism) and I would find a way to feel offended about EVERYTHING.

    The poor man couldn’t speak.

    I was so defensive.

    Thank goodness for finding Rori.

    I seem to have dropped so much of this behaviour, as a side-effect of practising the Tools.


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:48am

  5. 5: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I actually feel SURPRISED and GIGGLY to remember that I behaved so much like this!!!

    I created so much of my own torment!

    I don’t miss any of it!!!!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:54am

  6. 6: NadiaNo Gravatar says:

    So now happy ending massages are acceptable behavior for men?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:03am

  7. 7: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I joined POF this weekend and OMG there are a lot of active guys on that site in my area! The emails I am getting are overwhelming! I set the rules so that only local guys who are not married and who have not been flagged as asking for sex can contact me. I did have one really hot guy talking to me that I liked right away who then went into asking me for sex that i had to block, but the rest seem very nice and interesting so far. A good way to CD . . . I have a date for Saturday night already.

    Meanwhile, GM texted me, “Happy Mother’s Day!” yesterday morning. I said, “Thank you, (Name)! and left it at that for a few hours, then sent him a pic of me and my boys at lunch. He responded with, “Nice! Mom’s are a blessing from God!” and I responded with another pic of me and my mom at lunch and said, “Yep! I’ve got mine right here beside me and yours is loving you from above!” and he immeditaely replied, “Thank You! I needed that!” and I just sent him a smiley face and left him alone after that – It was the perfect interaction for me and now I’m back to leaning back . . . I love him madly, but I am completely done chasing him.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:06am

  8. 8: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning!

    I guess this is partially a request for suggestions for a feeling message and partially a rant.

    My next door neighbors are fantastic, a family of 5. The husband, who I’ll dub Handyman, mows my lawn at no charge. He has helped me several times. It’s a very good relationship.

    But he keeps saying he’ll do something, and then put it off. I know he’s tired, and he works a tuff construction job. He owes me NOTHING. But I just feel frustrated when someone says he is going to do something at a certain time and then doesn’t, over and over. These are mostly things he has offered to do for a small amount of pay, such as fixing my brakes.

    I asked him two days ago if he would help me move my heavy, floppy king size mattress from one room to another. He said yes he’d be home shortly. Noshow. I asked him again this morning, and he said he had to run out to drop off his wife at work, and he’d be back in ten minutes. That was about 1.5 hours ago.

    Up til now, I’ve said stuff like no problem, no pressure, you don’t owe me anything. But I am feeling on the verge of snapping at him.

    So how is this for a feeling message? Any tweaks?

    “Handyman, I very much appreciate the things you have done for me. I don’t want to put pressure on you, and if you would rather not do things from now on, please feel free to just say so.”

    (Let him respond).

    I don’t expect any help at all. But when you say yes, it would feel good if I could count on it. What do you think?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:19am

  9. 9: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Go Calypso!!!
    I feel done also. I thought a lot of things thru yesterday and felt very used. I’m not going to contact JT anymore. He won’t make any effort to see or be with me, so I’m moving on.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:21am

  10. 10: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “You’re constantly upset by him – even over the smallest things, because you’re upset about big things and haven’t worked them through.”

    Big things, yes. I’m upset about big things that don’t appear to have any solution.


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:22am

  11. 11: Ruth-AuroraNo Gravatar says:


    I need some help with regard to circular dating and online dating.

    I have been very hurt in past relationships, and I have some very bad experiences with the internet. I realize that I am actually afraid of giving guys my e-mail address, for fear of some unknown creepy factor. It is probably some kind of a post-traumatic reaction, and I don’t really see clearly here.

    This is too bad, because some of these guys I’d kind of like to know better, and the guys I meet seem to imediately want to chat or exchange some personal id, e-mail, etc. Me, to feel safe, I’d kind of like to write a bit in the more anonymous dating-website first.

    What do you ladies think? How soon do you give out your id/e-mail? Is it normal for guys to want to do this very early, or is this a sign of some “creepyness”?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:28am

  12. 12: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    I have noticed that if I ask WM to do something, he says yes but then it doesn’t happen.
    I hardly ask him to do things now. I feel like I’m in masculine energy when I ask. I find that he wants to please me so he says yes, but his resentment means that he doesn’t do the job or does it reluctantly.

    I can only suggest that you drop it. Drop all expectation of this man. He may ask you when he sees you if you still need the mattress moving. Then you can be feminine and say “oh yes, it feels so heavy and awkward”
    Then let him offer.
    But expecting him to do what you’ve asked is a form of control, and comes over as unattractive and masculine.

    What is more important to you? Being feminine, or getting your bed moved by any means?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:31am

  13. 13: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    “You’re going to either have to dump him because you don’t believe he can ever make you happy – or you have to start RADICALLY ACCEPTING HIM and STOP interpreting everything he does or says as pertaining to YOU in a negative way.

    Join in the conversation – “Yeah, we women are AMAZING – I’m so glad you appreciate us!” is a much better answer than becoming upset….

    By making everything about you – you make it impossible for him to be himself.

    He’s walking on eggshells and developing anger (and doing stupid things)…”

    Dump or accept……….don’t try to change him or manipulate him, either dump him or accept him……mmmmm

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:35am

  14. 14: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ruth-Aurora,

    How about writing something like
    “I don’t want to move too quickly. It would feel good and safe to chat some on here for a while before e-mailing/speaking/meeting each other. What do you think?”

    A good man will understand and respect your feelings.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:39am

  15. 15: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #11 Ruth

    Hello. :)

    Why don’t you make up a new email account for your CD’s then it won’t impinge on your “real” email address, that’s what I have done in fact I have set up a whole Yahoo account including messenger so I can chat to men if they get their a*se into gear. 😀

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:41am

  16. 16: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    I would wait for a girlfriend to come over and put the mattress upright on a sheet or some material that slides across the floor and you 2 can have a laugh as you try to negotiate the wobbly mattress to another room. :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:43am

  17. 17: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Previous thread: 704: blue rose:

    “#259: ReceivingGirl

    your vibe is protective of me, and that really means a lot. I want you to know that I appreciate it. Maybe that’s not what you mean to project, but that’s what I feel. thanks.

    “I feel just because you say you are not interested in having sex with him if he’s having sex with other people and talking about it at the beginning, doesn’t mean, “if you agree, I will have sex now.””

    that is funny, and so true. I wonder if I take a lot of blame on myself, and a lot of responsibility for the outcome on myself. That can’t be good. Like, if I spell this out clearly, and then he doesn’t follow through, then I can wash my hands of this. Which isn’t very “living in the moment”. It’s almost like overplanning.

    I haven’t seen him in about a week, he wants to see me this week, and we talked on the phone for about an hour a few nights ago. Where the hell was he this weekend? out banging other chicks I assume. and I luckily don’t like him enough to be devastated by it. How negative of me!

    he asked me what my fantasy was and I said “a monogamous relationship” that is the god honest truth!! he was like, “boring”.

    the whole thing makes me feel silly. I feel like I’ve been accepting men who are not exclusive to me. I realize that this has stretched back kind of far. I really want to change that.”

    Blue Rose – You are welcome. May I ask, why are you still entertaining meeting up with him when he thinks what you want is boring?

    Btw, it’s not boring. I want exactly the same thing. Just because you are not bootying around town, doesn’t mean it is destined to be boring.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:44am

  18. 18: Ruth-AuroraNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Silver Moonbeam and April Rose :)

    it feels good to get some reality check here – and these are actuallygood advices –

    I have actually written feeling statements like you suggest in the past, AR, and usually the men seem to loose interest by it – maybe they arenotthe right ones …

    creating a new e-mail adress is a very good idea too – i will consider doing this.

    this is a really nice discussion forum!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:00am

  19. 19: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Moonbeam and April Rose,

    Thank you very much! Both superb suggestions!

    I will say in one of Rori’s programs, I think in Commitment Blueprint, she talks about asking for help in a confident manner like a queen. So I don’t think it’s masculine energy.

    But in my case, this is not my man…this is simply my neighbor. Just as a whole, I feel frustrated when people don’t just say what they mean! It would feel so much better if he would say, “No, I’m sorry, I have too many responsibilities already between my family and my job.” And I would be fine with that! But when someone says yes, it DOES set up an expectation.

    In this case, I am going to move the mattress, because I have furniture out on the deck that is about to be rained on, and I have been waiting to get the mattress moved first. At least I swept and mopped, so it will be slid across a dry floor. I rarely have a girlfriend to ask for help.

    And I will take this moment to say how very deeply I appreciated it when Lucy came out to help me move last May and again last November, that time bringing her son and her ex to help. It made all the difference. And she came from 1.5 hours away to help! What a gem! Thanks again Lucy!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:07am

  20. 20: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am learning and looking for ways to ask for help from WM in particular (EM would do anything for me – ooh I feel fluttery in my heart writing that)

    I need a phrase that lets him take charge of the operation.
    Rather than “Could you help me move the mattress”.

    I could say
    “Can you help me? I’ve got this huge bed to move and I feel silly and helpless doing it on my own….”

    I need to get creative in asking for help

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:22am

  21. 21: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    I just moved it. It probably only took me 5 minutes, but I am in a full, hot sweat. It felt just about impossible.

    My original FM to him to ask was this:

    “I don’t like to bother you, but I am moving my mattress back from the living room to the bedroom. It is so heavy and floppy. It would help so much if you could help me when you get a moment…will you please?”

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:28am

  22. 22: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, I feel totally weird about the fact this man sent a private photo of his ex to his friend. That feels awful to think about.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:35am

  23. 23: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I just had a very positive phone job interview!!! And I am especially excited, because I just found out the job is only an hour away, not 1.5 hours away! It is a one to two year assignment, and I would have let them pay for me to stay at temporary housing 5 days a week. It would have been a great inconvenience, and I would have had to found arrangements for pet care.

    But a one hour commute is very doable! I have done that many times! And it would be a pretty drive over country roads! The supervisor who interviewed me sounded like the kind i get along well with! He asked excellent questions, and i felt really good about my answers!

    I asked when he’s looking to start someone: Yesterday!

    He asked when I’d be able to start: Yesterday!

    I’ve done a lot of job hunting and interviewing. And let me put it like this: I would be very surprised if I did NOT get the job!

    I think it’s in the bag!!

    The man at the employment agency said they’ve been doing a lot of hiring there, and they have a fast turnaround after the interview, usually about two days! Wow, that would feel fantastic if I was working within the next week!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:35am

  24. 24: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I feel giggly at you being in a hot sweat!!
    Well done, though.

    And well done for asking for help too.
    Your request does need tweaking somehow, though. It’s missing something. Ah yes, now I see. It is missing feeling statements about how you feel –

    *helpless at the task, or
    *how you would feel so grateful for the help.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:38am

  25. 25: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    RE 23 Radlove!

    It’s great news to hear that!! Hope you’ll get the job!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:40am

  26. 26: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    or both

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:40am

  27. 27: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Previous thread: 713: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    “640: ReceivingGirl

    I feel so understood by your response and I really appreciate the gentle way you said it all. I am feeling so tender right now that gentle feels really like the best kind of hug.

    I feel that he is giving a gift in some ways too and so does he. When my crazy voices aren’t mistrusting him I believe that..which then just makes me feel all the more love towards him.

    “I know they say men need to have their sh$t together before they can have a relationship. When I hear that, it feels icky to me. Let’s say that is absolutely true. How long is it going to be before he feels he has his sh$t together? 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? Never?”

    I feel pulled by this belief too and it causes me to feel compassionate towards him and yet I also feel angry towards him that he can’t find a way to hold it all and communicate with me what he needs while holding what I need even if he can’t offer it up in the moment. I can live with the ups and downs of life for sure. In my marriage we had times where one or both of us was super busy or away and couldn’t be physically available to the other, but I trusted my connection with him is the difference.

    I felt his coming towards me so strongly for about 3 weeks in this past little bit and it felt so good – he really did hear me and meet me where I needed him too, and I was starting to rest into it a bit and manage my crazy voices in my head and my triggers more coherently and then something happened that triggered me brutally and I ended up searching through his pockets – didn’t find anything incriminating and ended up telling him and things just unravelled from there.

    I don’t want to be like this in a relationship and realize I have to own this and now feel alot of shame and blame at myself – my crazy voices are telling me that I destroyed it just when it might have been getting going. uggg.

    The bottom line right now is as you say “He cannot give you what you are wanting with a relationship”. He has completely pulled back from seeing me. He says ‘we’ll probably still talk every day’. He says he still wants to be able to camping and give that joy to me ‘even if we are sleeping in separate tents’ and asks why I can’t just let things in the relationship unfold naturally. And then the bigger trip that is on the table pulls at me. I hear what you are saying to just leave it alone – will he just keep pulled back and wanting a friends or friends with benefits situation – i am so unsure and so blaming myself and feeling like ‘oh, should i just try again to lean back and see what happens’ I really do see how CDing would help keep me sane if I do decide to lean back with him. Today I feel a little bit excited about trying this and still a little scared.

    He says he feels like I don’t support and value him (is that feminine energy?).”

    Love Actually

    I understand where you are coming from. I can relate to your contradictory feelings. Something you said triggered me and I’ll explain why.

    “asks why I can’t just let things in the relationship unfold naturally.” I’ve had this said to me too.

    I started writing the whole story, but decided it’s too much. I will try a short version, but I’m not good at short versions.

    MilitaryGuy and I started dating and it was all his initiation. Our first date was cancelled 4 times (by him) before we went on it. First time, he was sick. Second time, he was in a meeting late and said he was tired. Third time, he had car troubles. The fourth time, his friend passed away and he was in a car accident on the way home from the wake. I picked him up from the car accident cause his car was undriveable.

    After the third cancellation, I asked him, “should I be wondering if you really want to go on a date?” He replied, “Yes, I do and please do not think otherwise.” We finally went out, but I think he wasn’t all that into it. We talked, but it was hard cause he lost a lot of his hearing in one ear from military and I don’t have that loud of a voice, so he kept asking me to repeat myself. He came over, we watched a movie, he held my hand and then went home cause he was tired. He did kiss me goodnight and talked about getting together the next day. It was not the greatest first date.

    I feel I should mention, we had already gotten somewhat physical prior to our first date. Long part of the story and I have never done that before. We didn’t have sex, but an attempt was made, but he was too drunk. There was definitely chemistry, so this first date was a little bit of a let down. However, I wasn’t going to worry about it cause I knew he had a lot going on.

    He was really stressed. His mom was living with him for over a year and he was trying to find a house for her to buy. His son’s mom was a huge thorn in his side. His son was having problems at school. He was having car trouble with both his vehicles. Then, his friend passing away. The car accident (was his mom’s car) so now he had no vehicle to drive. He borrowed his friends truck, but asked me to drive on our date (he came to me though) because the truck was a mess. He was also having trouble at work.

    I was trying my best to be understanding and patient with him because of all of this. He seemed very straightforward and open with me. One day he was working on his car and told me if all goes well, we could hang out later that night and he would text me when he had a better idea. Well, that text never came. At 8pm, I text saying I was hungry and going to eat since I hadn’t heard from him. He didn’t respond. At 11:30pm, I was going to bed and I was really upset he hadn’t contacted me. I sent him a text saying, “A little common courtesy would be nice. I have been really patient with all that is going on with you. It would take less than a minute to say tonight isn’t going to work.”

    This is where it all unraveled. He never responded. I was being ignored and I HATE being ignored. I texted a couple more times, I forget what I said, and then he responded that he had too much going on and maybe once things settled down we could try again. He also said he prefers to let things unfold naturally and he’s feeling pressured by me. This ticked me off because I had applied no pressure whatsoever until I called him out on leaving me hang.

    Not long after that, he text me, mentioned having a rough time at work and not sure how much longer he would have a job and asked if he could come over. It was late, but I felt he needed to talk, so I agreed. We ended up having sex that night. Then, he left on vacation, broke his ankle skiing and when he got home, we were no longer speaking. We went back and forth a few times and then he just shut down saying he had no desire to have a relationship with anyone right now. He said we were friends, but he never acted like a friend, more like he was avoiding me.

    Funny thing is a month or so later, he was in a relationship with this woman, whom he is still dating now. Maybe the timing was just off by that short amount of time. Maybe he didn’t like me as much as I thought he did. Maybe he met her and decided he liked her better. IDK. There is a bunch more to this story that I left out. We dated from Feb- mid April, but only went on one real date.

    I feel he was the obstacle in allowing things to happen naturally since you need to put in the time for that to happen and he felt I was pressuring him. 1 date in 2.5 months and I’m pressuring. This is so triggering to me.

    My point for this story is I feel that statement is given as an excuse to get out and blame you for ruining it. I feel it’s always going to be what he will hang over your head whenever there is something which doesn’t feel right to you. It’s his out to make you feel like you are the problem and shouldn’t be feeling the way you are feeling.


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:46am

  28. 28: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I think we can all relate to this article. It feels different to read it and think about how I relate though. Sometimes you don’t realize it.

    @7 Calypso

    I decided to join POF again last night. I feel I should do this to get over my icky feelings about it. I haven’t responded to anyone’s messages yet. I feel happy to hear it is going well for you!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:01am

  29. 29: Lady in waitingNo Gravatar says:

    I just felt like screaming.
    Luv ya Ms. Rori.
    Have’nt visited in a while. Been out surfing.
    As always, timeliness of your posts is simply incredible.
    #13 Silver Moonbeam-
    you said it.
    That’s what I am struggling with this morning. In the past 5 months-stopped dating.
    What happened?
    You guessed it, THEY ALL CAME RUNNING.
    Practice , practice practice. Lean back, breathe, laugh.
    I even told them I wasn’t dating, wasn’t looking. That did not stop any.
    The one from last fall that turned me inside out-that I sent a fabulously beautiful, confident, only feeling messages about me , what I want and what do you think? Called 2 months after I sent the letter. Totally let him go.
    He completely apologised. On his own made significant emotional/lifestyle changes for his own happiness.
    I like, oh let’s face it, am falling in love with this honest, open, obnoxious truck driver.
    We are not dating. He has the constant habit of stating openly he is not dating anyone. Then he calls and we have open, honest, conversations about life. Yes, he has asked several times in the last few months to see me. But it’s not a date. There are no illusions from me to him or vice versa. And no, I have not been to see him once.
    I feel angry and scared the last few weeks when it hit me driving down the road-that I am falling for him.
    Because he is accepting of himself now, I know him for who he is and I like that honesty.
    Yes, it’s a freeing and lovely place to not want/need/beg someone to be different for you.
    Yes, it’s a freeing and lovely place to have thinking/speaking skills to navigate communication with your needs accountable to you-without controlling the outcome.
    One part of me is so happy he is in a better place. He did not do this for me or anyone. Just himself. Never saw it coming.
    I just want to run away. I like him more than I knew.
    Time to sink to me knees and go thru the I feel. I am scared to say how I feel to him.
    I am shocked I feel this way. Dated several since him, he has plenty of female company. Yet he makes it public knowledge he is not dating or involved.
    I don’t want to be friends with him like this.
    I do want someone who is ready for the relaitionship process.
    I am angry I have not found a guy who does not lie, a guy who does not really provide the family life, a guy who actually shows up after the 3rd date, a guy who shows up instead of texting.
    Accept what?
    Sorry Rori, it almost comes across that I am supposed to accept there isn’t anyone with standards like mine-so suck it up. Or, I am supposed to be perfectly womanly wiley enough to manipulate any guy to be what I want.
    I don’t want that.
    If I show up with my honesty, awareness of my weakness, willing to work at it-where is that guy who already has that in play?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:05am

  30. 30: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    So, I joined POF last night and Mr. Observant is on there. I feel nervous. I’ve never seen anyone I know on these sites before, let alone a man who was flirting with me and who I feel tons of chemistry with.

    His profile is short and sweet, but I learned some details. He said he is currently separated was married for 14 years and has 3 great kids. I was guessing married for 12 years and 2 kids. His pics do not do him justice, don’t really look like him and make him look really skinny. He has lost some weight, but these look like he lost tons of weight. Anyways, he also says he doesn’t want kids (I guess 3 is enough!), we have some similar interests and he said he likes to surprise the girl he is with. He mentioned fun a lot through his profile and it says he interested in dating and looking for a relationship.

    I’ve received about 12 messages since last night. Things like,

    “Hi, how are you?”

    “you have awesome eyes”

    “Hi there beautiful”

    “hi would you like to talk?”

    “Hi I really liked your profile and very pretty pictures too.”

    just plain, “hi”.

    This was the longest and from a shy guy, go figure…lol. “hi, my name is ___. i’m a bit shy so this is always the hardest part of trying to contact someone. loved reading your profile, you seem pretty direct and honest a very nice thing now a days. plus you your pics are great ( your smile is great ! ), have a good day……..:)”

    3 men added me as favorites, but didn’t contact me.

    7 men said they want to meet me.

    Now, I guess I need to actually respond to someone.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:27am

  31. 31: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I just moved an air conditioner from the shed to the living room, and I am in a hot sweat again. And it doesn’t work. Ugh. It must have gotten broken in moving it.

    I feel discouraged that I have to go do it all over again, and bring another air conditioner in. But I am thankful that I have three. The other two were left by my wonderful landlords!

    So instead of focusing on my discouragement, along with the fact that I don’t have a man of my own to help me, I choose to focus on how resourceful and self-sufficient and strong I am. And the excitement that I might have a job! It’s a technical writing job at a pharmaceutical company.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:33am

  32. 32: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I double checked and the AC has a reset button on the plug! Yessss! It works!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:38am

  33. 33: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, ReceivingGirl! Thanks for understanding about my dad on the last thread. I haven’t talked to my dad in a while, and I feel afraid to because of our last conversations. I know that he loves me and I often feel like a “daddy’s little girl,” but sometimes he scares me…and also I just find that I don’t fully trust men. I’m not sure I know how…

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:41am

  34. 34: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I agree with April Rose @12. I would also drop it. If he wants to help, he will show up.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:42am

  35. 35: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Teehee! I picked up two new CDs when I went out dancing this weekend. And MM sent me a text last night, saying that he wants to get together. And I set up a date with another CD. There was a guy I hung out with on Friday, who I know likes me a lot, and he is a friend. So I feel awkward. Because I want us to stay friends. And I don’t want to lead him on. But I also know that he is kind of on the “Marriage track” – as in, that’s what he wants – and I don’t want to totally blow off the interaction. I like the way that he appreciates me. What if he’s actually the perfect guy for me??? So I haven’t said anything yet. Just, when he went to kiss me on Friday, I wasn’t feeling really into it, and I kept giggling. I don’t know why. He makes lots of mouth noises when he kisses and I find it distracting…lol

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:44am

  36. 36: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Radlove about the potential job. My fingers are crossed that you get it!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:48am

  37. 37: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Tiffany, You’re welcome. I know it can be hard when interactions are like that to feel comfortable. I was “daddy’s little girl” too.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:54am

  38. 38: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I have this problem. I’ve been eating healthy since last Oct. and mostly cut out sugar from my diet. Since then, when I eat poorly at a party, usually more food than normal and sweets, I end up waking in the middle of the night, sick to my stomach. It’s probably a result of too much food and too much of what my body isn’t used it. I know, easy solution, do not eat like that anymore. I would like to still be able to enjoy yummy bad for me party foods on occasion. I don’t like when this happens. This is the third time since Oct. and each time I’ve needed to call off work cause I need to be close to the bathroom and sleep it off.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:15am

  39. 39: SarahNo Gravatar says:

    Why does everything go wrong when I ‘like’ somebody. I start acting like a nutter and feeling all self conscious. I know subconsciously I am pushing him away with how I am acting.

    I am making everything about him. I am extremely focused on him, and I read everything into what he says and does. It is a nightmare.

    We did originally get on. Mow I think he is possibly borderingbon hating me. This happens all the time with me. It is so soul destroying. The only way I can deal with it is to go out with someone who does’t have any emotional hold over me. Someone who likes me amd understands me. Someone I can feel myself with. Why is it I can never get anyone I fancy? It is so frustrating… I feel so frustrated. Why can’t I like someone who I at least stand a chance with. People think I do it deliberately but I know I absolutely do not…

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:17am

  40. 40: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    I feel good. summer time is here in my neck of the woods…summer shorts and flip flops!
    Naked men with tank tops! LOl

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:24am

  41. 41: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    Good tweaks on my original FM to Handyman!

    He just came to the door, and I told him I got it moved. He apologized, and he was really nice about it. I said I don’t want to put any pressure on him, and he owes me nothing at all. He interrupted, saying, “No, no, no, it’s not like that. I don’t mind helping you out! I’ve just been so busy!”

    I said well if you feel overwhelmed next time with your family and job responsibilities, please feel free to just say no. He said, no, I don’t mind helping you at all. I was just so tired the other day when you asked, and just now I forgot I had to run a bunch of errands. I’m really sorry.

    He said his mower isn’t working, and if I can find a used mower we can go halves on it and he’ll continue mowing my lawn. I feel much better, and he is a total sweetie!

    He said his wife made $500 yesterday waitressing! It is now in full swing because this is somewhat of a tourist area, being by the bay! I wish I was in better shape to do waitressing. I used to waitress but I don’t think I could handle it physically right now.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:24am

  42. 42: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking of marriage….Here’s a story for you…

    On Saturday night, I saw RoBoat again. I had been wondering – would I see him if I went out to the club again? Because, if you read my post last month, he was there, and he asked me to go home with him. I decided not to, a) because I was tired and had to work in the morning, and b) I felt awkward because he had other friends with him. I didn’t want to be “that girl” in the car – like the one that they all know he is going to “hook up” with. Ew. If it had been just us – maybe I would have…

    When I left, he let me go and didn’t make a big deal out of it, but I remember having this feeling like there was something missing, and I wished I had just taken a minute to have a private conversation with him. like there was a connection that was supposed to happen or some information that he was going to tell me.

    Anyway, so, sure enough, this time, I turn around, and he’s standing almost right behind me with a beer in his hand. I was happy, and I said hi, but he was very dismissive. He said he couldn’t talk because his “girlfriend” was right there – and he pointed to some girl. He said he would “talk to me later.” So I rolled my eyes and turned around. He was being a jerk. And then he and his friends moved to a different part of the room.

    But I had an instinct to go and find him and get what the story was. I just wanted to know what was happening.

    Well, I found him, and I tapped him on the shoulder, but he wouldn’t talk to me. Then his friend stepped in and played bouncer. Except his friend kept using the word “Wife.” He said, why would you want to talk to him (RoBoat) when his wife is right there? So I was like, “Excuse me, did you just say ‘wife’?” And his friend said yes, he was now married. (Oh, but his friend was single – as if I’d want to. gross.) So again, I just walked away from that.

    But I felt like ill. I felt absolutely disgusting. I wanted to get out of there and go home. I wanted to lean against the wall and just cry. All my happy energy was draining out of me. and I went into the bathroom to talk off the tiara I was wearing for my birthday – I just didn’t feel that sparkly anymore…

    Coming out of the bathroom, I saw RoBoat, coming toward me, but without his bouncer friend. So I confronted him. I asked if he was married now, and he said yes (she was a blond chick. whatever.) And I said, “You tried to take me home last month, what about then?” He said he was engaged at the time.


    I couldn’t believe it. I was so shocked.

    I had a lot of rage, and I didn’t know what to do with it. So I punched him in the shoulder pretty hard, and I don’t know what I said. I started to walk off, and then I realized that I had a half a glass of water in my hand, with some ice in it (I was not drunk at this time – I’d only been drinking water!) so I turned around, and I threw/dumped the rest of my water on him, then thew the cup at them (his “wife” was there) and just called him an asshole, and walked off.

    I don’t know. Seemed pretty bold of me. I feel shaky just thinking about it. But it felt like a natural response. Ha! I’ve always wanted to be like one of those girls you see in a movie who isn’t afraid to dump her drink on a guy if she doesn’t like what he’s done to her. And that’s exactly what I did! omg. it’s hard for me to believe. I could be looking for some type of excuse or validation, but I’m not. I feel so pissed at him. I feel so many feelings.

    Mostly, I cannot believe that a guy like that – who is controlling and unpleasant – is MARRIED, and I – nice girl, who is soft and caring, and generally pleasant to be around is NOT. ugh. It feels very unfair.

    I do know that I am not with him because I am smart enough not to be with a “guy like that.” I feel offended that he tried to sleep with me less than a month (!) before his wedding – TO SOMEONE ELSE. Ugh. icky icky icky icky ick. He reminds me of the “bad guy” that Drew Barrymore in engaged to in The Wedding Singer, before the musician dude shows up and sweeps her away…

    Similarly, I could EASILY have put up with certain things in order to be with him. I can’t deny it – part of me really liked him! Part of me felt bonded and attached to him. And that is part of why this feels SO BAD. Of course, he’s a guy. He can do what he wants. He can be a jerk if he wants. I don’t have to let it get to me.

    After that whole episode, I proceeded to get very drunk, and then dance with some great guys, and I had offers to drive me home coming at me from everywhere. It was a great night.

    For his part, I noticed that he didn’t leave right away, but he was gone before I left the place.

    I still feel a little sick to my stomach if I think about him, or his jerky friends. Maybe it makes me feel sick to think that I would actually ever become involved with a situation like that. But there’s nothing I can do about it now. I feel as if I adequately “expressed myself,” So it doesn’t really bother me anymore. ; )

    PLUS, I realize and notice that I have a LOT better quality guys who are interested in me now – not jerky bad-boys who are all about themselves and don’t care who they hurt.

    Good, good, best, better – RIDDANCE.

    Another one bites the dust, and it’s a good thing. Although, I really hope I don’t run into him at the club again, because if I do, then I will likely feel an incredible urge to just plant my high-heeled foot in his groin…even if that’s not necessarily the classiest thing to do….lol

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:31am

  43. 43: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – I’m glad he stopped by and everything is good!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:33am

  44. 44: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    #781 last thread – Yes, Tiffany :) – I am joy and pleasure, and extreme delight!!!!!

    I need to put this on my mirror – because I forget – sometimes – who I am.

    This is the thing if a man sees who I am, really, really gets me. His delight and prosperity increases ten fold!

    I have to feel it first and not be pulled off my beautiful horse. Some men are zappers and suckers. However, if I’m being a goddess warrior I just walk away and jump on my horse and ride off into the sunset and disappear into the graceful tropical palms.

    I feel graceful in the rain today. I feel delightful in my day.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:44am

  45. 45: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nadia – for me, yes. Wat a man does sexually when he’s not exclusively committed to me is his own business.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:47am

  46. 46: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Anybody heard from lk, slv, turquoise, butterfly wings? Who else are we missing?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:56am

  47. 47: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    oh my goodness, i feel so free not worrying about guy who loves me anymore…

    he saw me today and followed me to talk to me. i told me i looked good, asked me about some new clothes i had on (i bought them after we stopped seeing each other all the time). he asked what i’d been up to, who’d i’d been hanging around with since he saw me on saturday.

    he used to be sweet and curious like that when we started up…he hasn’t been like this in a long time.

    it feels weird to not have plans with him, to walk away without him asking me out…but…i feel pretty free now.

    i used to be sooooo into going home with him.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:57am

  48. 48: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    he told me i looked good, not ‘i told me’.

    but yeah, i looked good. :-)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:57am

  49. 49: siren songNo Gravatar says:


    i love what you said about the horse!!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:59am

  50. 50: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Euterpe – I felt so good reading that you were inspired by me on the other thread… Thanks :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 12:05pm

  51. 51: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    CDing question:

    I have been pretty busy starting up my new part time job, finishing grades for the semester and fundraising for the trip to the tournament for my son….but I had a few CD’s contacting me, and they both poofed. I said I would find time to meet and have coffee, but they both said they would like to wait until I was not so busy?
    So does this mean they don’t want me to have a life?
    I thought it was a good thing to have things that a girl is passionate about….oh well….when I have the relationship angel look at the two CD’s, she puts a big X on the screen….

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 12:21pm

  52. 52: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love you even though you feel scared. It’s quite endearing and funny and cute actually. I’m sorry you feel do unconfortable. You’re gonna be so ok . You Are ok.

    What do you want today?

    I want my room to magically be refreshed and beautified.

    I want it to be effortless.

    I want to feel fun connecting with people and nature.

    I want my nails to be magically And effortlessly trimmed.

    I want to feel peaceful and connected.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 12:29pm

  53. 53: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Wow…I just got a message on POF which is 3 paragraphs long! What is it with guys being attracted to girls who wear glasses?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 12:36pm

  54. 54: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Awww…this poor guy is in a wheelchair, but he seems very upbeat about it. I wonder what happened.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 12:52pm

  55. 55: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Siren Song and Daria –

    I feel so inspired to be on this blog where there is so much feminine energy. And we get to practice here so we can be the beautiful, inspiring sirens out there in such a masculine world, a world that is craving us in all our feminine glory!

    Entrance To the River by Pablo Naruda

    Beloved of the rivers,beset
    By azure water and transparent drops,
    Like a tree of veins your spectre
    Of dark goddess biting apples:
    And then awakening naked
    To be tattoed by the rivers,
    And in the wet heights your head
    Filled the world with new dew.

    Water rose to your waist,
    You are made of wellsprings
    And lakes shone on your forehead.
    From your sources of density you drew
    Water like vital tears
    And hauled the riverbeds to the sand
    Across the planetary night,
    Crossing rough, dilated stone,
    Breaking down on the way
    All the salt of geology,
    Cutting through forests of compact walls
    Dislodging the muscles of quartz.

    Oh, the power, beneath the softness doth lie!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 12:59pm

  56. 56: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I just got an email from a guy on POF telling me that he is no longer interested in me because I told him that i went out dancing with my girlfriends on saturday night! he said he is not interested in someone who has not sewn all of her wild oats and wants to spend all night in a bar! Well then – just don’t email me any more – I would never have noticed, but now i’m aggrivated for being judged by someone who has no CLUE what he is talking about! Grrrr….. I just deleted his email and am trying to forget about it – I don’t give a flip about him, I just don’t like being judged and it makes me want to give him a piece of my mond, but I’m dumping those feelings here instead – thanks for listening, Sirens!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:02pm

  57. 57: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Healing waterfall – what did this situation with the CDs show up to heal?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:08pm

  58. 58: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso I just laugh at these guys, ha ha ha, plenty more where you came from Mister. 😀

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:11pm

  59. 59: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso – I would tie a one word message to an arrow that said “ok” and shoot it in his direction as you rode by on your horse, to the oat trough.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:14pm

  60. 60: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Mother’s Day :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:15pm

  61. 61: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    OK how to answer PoshCD??

    “Morning I woke with the most gorgeous sensual dreams…….
    I was enveloped in the sheerest softest silk, with long lingering kisses……. did you visit me in my sleep…..?? ”

    Sounds too girlie for me……..

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:16pm

  62. 62: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Spamming the blog so I don’t lean forward with any man. I feel pursued in a way. A lot of activity by some CDs and it feels a little overwhelming. So I’m leaning back for the next few hours. It’s not easy today. I feel needy

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:18pm

  63. 63: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Skip the last sentence and insert a feeling message. Its very sensual

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:20pm

  64. 64: NadiaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, thanks for the response. Personally, guys who visit prostitutes are on my Will Not Date list. It’s interesting what low expectations we can have of men, all because they have penises. But it was helpful to hear what you thought.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:22pm

  65. 65: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso – he doesn’t sound like much fun with that kind of email. Who doesn’t spend time with their friends? And because it’s in a bar doesn’t mean you are out sowing your wild oats! LOL

    I question the men who put me as their Favorite because my criteria won’t allow them to message me – they are either doing drugs or want only sex. This one guy (who wants NSA & favorited me) was gifted a voodoo doll by a girl who had plenty of not nice things to say, which he posted to his profile. Plus, he has his own youtube video which I didn’t watch. You almost wonder if they do this stuff for pure entertainment.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 1:25pm

  66. 66: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    VEET for men customer reviews

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 2:00pm

  67. 67: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Sirens! He is obviously not worth my time or attention. I would not thrive in a relationship with a man like him – NEXT!

    I do think some POF guys are just sitting around playing head games with us. I’ve accepted a date with a guy I’m starting to have doubts about. he is either going to need to engage me in a real conversation or forget about taking me to dinner on saturday – I’m just starting to get that “feeling”

    Speaking of that feeling – JP is pouting because he had to cancel his plans to come see me Memorial weekend and I won’t agree to fly to see him. We are barely texting now. I’m being polite when he contacts me, but that’s it.

    Plenty of Fish . . . lol. Some of them just stink!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 2:05pm

  68. 68: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I had some left over potato salad from yesterday and now my tummy is acting up again. Maybe potato salad was part of my problem. I don’t feel ill, so it must just be the food isn’t agreeing with me. Maybe I should have a smoothie. I was going to get my bloodwork and urinalysis done today, but I don’t think today is a good idea. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 2:10pm

  69. 69: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very anxious for Saturday to get here. I’m really looking forward to seeing Mr. Observant and I’m feeling curious as to how the evening will play out. I’m trying to leave expectations out of it and just be surprised by whatever happens. I feel I’m wishing the week away, but I’m really excited! I still have tons to do to prepare.

    I’m also getting my hair cut tomorrow. I hope that makes me feel better. My skin is in really bad shape and I feel like I’m losing a bunch of hair and need to buy Rogaine!! I think it must just be a disease flare, but this is a new one for me. I’m not sure if I’d rather physical pain instead of it affecting my appearance. I feel self-conscious even though I’m pretty sure no one else can notice.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 2:14pm

  70. 70: LaylaNo Gravatar says:

    #7 Calypso and Receiving Girl – I joined Plenty of Fish for a short while last fall. I got a lot of response and that was a boost to my self esteem. Then when contact was made, I learned that a lot of guys are flakey(what else is new). I took my profile down right before the holidays. Interestingly enough, I still CD one of the guys I met but he is kinda flakey too. But its still fun to get tons of responses. I hope you both have better luck than I did (although I may try it again when I’m ready to CD again.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 2:54pm

  71. 71: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I am just too judgmental.

    On POF, this guy messaged me he thinks I’m a cutie, how about drinks Sat. night. He’s been told he’s a great kisser and tastes and smells yummilicious (really?! lol). He asked if he should pick me up on his Harley. (Umm, I don’t know you, I’m not going on your motorcycle when I have no clue how you even drive). He did ask what I like to do for fun.

    When I get “Hi beautiful!” messages I feel turned off. I feel so resistant to this online dating. I think, don’t call me that, you don’t know me! LOL, why can’t I just accept the compliment?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 2:57pm

  72. 72: lkNo Gravatar says:

    omg zara i’m dying that’s too funny : )))

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:04pm

  73. 73: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @69 Thanks, Layla! Maybe the one’s that just say “hi” are the good one’s, but I wish they would say more.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:04pm

  74. 74: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol@ zara’s link too hehe

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:08pm

  75. 75: LaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Tell me what you think… Have I been “OutGirl’d? CDing a guy for about 8 weeks. He’s nice, seems into me, pays for everything, affectionate, etc. We have recently been intimate(I know, kinda of soon and I know I took an emotional risk), however, we have still been in contact and on one date after we were intimate.
    Sunday we went out and then I didn’t hear from him for 3 days. I started feeling weird- because we had been intimate a week prior. On Weds, I leaned forward and sent a “hello” text. He responded “hello”. I asked “Did you forget about me” He responded “no but it seems like you get really busy and forget about me.” I texted “sounds like we could both use a little TLC”. He said that would be nice. I asked him to call me when he got a chance and he said ok.

    I know I broke the rules but Rori says to experiment and I did. I felt I could get away with leaning forward. So he calls me and tells me that he needs to hear from me more and that he doesn’t know why he has to call first all the time. I told him that I’m a bit old fashioned, etc. Then he said, “oh so you want to be pursued?” So we had that discussion. Then he tells me how he is careful of pursuing because he’s been “scarred” before. However, we got off the phone with him telling me that he liked me and that he felt everything was ok between us.
    We’ve talked since then and we are making plans to see each other. He’s a teacher and has summer off and he keeps talking about spending lots of time with me over the summer.
    I’m still attracted to him I guess but I can’t help but feel like he FM’d me. Guess it’s my fault for acting like a boy, he had no choice but to act like a girl, right?
    Ok, gonna keep practicing leaning back.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:10pm

  76. 76: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Just catching up on posts….in

    HAman finally told me what it is. He says he also wants to be pursued :( And he is totally serious. No wonder our relationship has stalled for a year now.

    Anyhow, I get it. There no way I’ll start LF and OF and picking up man-pleasing behaviors. Ick! Yuck! I feel so angry! Such a manly man can also be such a fool. I feel judgemental and sad :( l’ll be okay…

    I feel disappointed. Anyway, I am an amazing woman and deserve to be pursued. His loss if he doesn’t get that. I am the yummy pie and I AM THE PRIZE, not him. It feels bad when a man just doesn’t get that.

    Love to me (((((Queenbee))))! I feel sad, but I’ll be ok.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:14pm

  77. 77: LaylaNo Gravatar says:

    #70 Receiving Girl- I suggest sticking to coffee dates or other quick one hour dates. Maybe lunch. Dinner might be too much.
    Yeah, I think some of those guys are playing headgames. A lot say hi and that’s it because they want you to pursue them.
    Yeah, online dating is not for the faint of heart. I found myself getting my hopes up and getting excited, only to be let down. I think you have to go into it with a sense of humor and absolutely NO expectations.

    Online dating made me question whether or not I was even ready to date. I was attracting so many weirdos and flakes I thought something was wrong with me. But now I see other women have the same experience, so maybe its not me!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:15pm

  78. 78: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg men are so smart and funny (((((MEN)))))

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:17pm

  79. 79: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Zara OMG, I cried I laughed so hard at that!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:20pm

  80. 80: LaylaNo Gravatar says:

    #75 – I get that a lot from men. They want to be pursued. There is a lot of feminine energy out there among men these days…at least that’s my perception. And there are so many women out there who lean forward…guys are so used to it. So when you lean back, they take it as you don’t care. I wish Rori would write a post about it. I find this true of younger men. I think many have been so pushed to get in touch with their “feminine side” that as a result, they are acting like girls in the dating relationship. Yet, I don’t think they are really happy leaning back. They just think its expected of them. Just like we are not really happy leaning forward.
    Just a thought!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:20pm

  81. 81: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:24pm

  82. 82: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    60: Silver Moonbeam says:
    ***OK how to answer PoshCD??***

    I feel curious what part of his message feels posh?
    I read it as the typical sexual approach from a man who does not bother to date a woman before he takes her on the sexual chat.
    In short, he feels horny and probably says that to all women on line until one writes back sexually.

    Well there is a simple question ending his message, so I would try a simple answer:
    “I feel confused by the question.”
    coz I read that you do feel confused by his approach, you don’t know what to say.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:24pm

  83. 83: LaylaNo Gravatar says:

    #65 Zara – link is too funny – wonder if cantankerous tiger is for real?

    Again – I say what’s up with these feminine men getting brazilians ??? I want a man to look like a man!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:26pm

  84. 84: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl and Ulii,

    Thank you!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:26pm

  85. 85: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @76 Layla

    Thanks. I do just feel really icky with it, but I will proceed and see if it’s maybe some things I need to heal. I also think that about the men who just say hi. So, then I’m just supposed to say hi back and then what. IDK. I felt better when I saw Mr. Observant on there. I thought at least I know they are not all weirdos. LOL

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:28pm

  86. 86: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    about seeing someone you know on POF….

    I can relate….I tried it back in 2009….I had already some experience with Eharmony and left that thought I ‘d try POF…….chatted with some interesting men…but many were out for a booty call…I recognized some of course…..and then a peculiar profile with a particular reference to something only too familiar…

    it was my ex husband!!!!!

    I was totally freaked out…he was checking out my profile….but I had no picture and hid my identity well…..

    thank god!!!

    I must say it wasn’t long after that when I left the site….

    I tried eharmony again just for fun last summer….

    much more success in trying again since the years before……

    what a ride !


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:41pm

  87. 87: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Until I have the relationship I want, I’m going to keep my options open…..

    I must look up the whole paragraph again.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:43pm

  88. 88: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Had an ‘honest’ talk with WM tonight.

    As far as he is concerned he is in a committed exclusive relationship with me.

    He is angry that I go out with EM and that (in his words) I “put my energy elsewhere”

    I admitted I feel fascinated by EM and can’t stay away from him.

    I keep having flashes of clarity and ease about committing to WM. Why don’t I, then?
    (By the way he is still married and hasn’t faced or healed his anger towards his wife or to himself for getting married to her).

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:49pm

  89. 89: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    I am soooo proud of myself for not leaning forward with JT;
    Not responding to his text today and no pining, frustration, nothing!!! He is so far on the back of my horse, one good gallop and off he’ll fly, lol. Go me!!!!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:56pm

  90. 90: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:


    interesting that WM can say he’s in a committed exclusive relationship with you but he is still married and hasn’t divorced his wife and is still angry towards her? or towards himself?

    Siren… wonder you are fascinated by EM…….

    only you can decide who you wish to spend energy with…….sounds like you intuitively know where it should go?


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 3:57pm

  91. 91: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    He says that what we started together 3 years ago is obvious, so what am I on about ‘some kind of contract’ for.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:04pm

  92. 92: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Aurora,

    Something about the way you reworded what I wrote has had an effect on me.

    I feel silly,… relieved,… shifted….

    His ‘issues’ with his wife, which are still raw, really don’t allow him up to show up and be fully present with me.
    Do you agree?

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:08pm

  93. 93: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    AR what does he mean?

    Does he raise a fuss if you mention that he is still not an available man because he is still married?

    lol that’s the part that’s obvious! lol

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:08pm

  94. 94: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    91 April Rose

    his issue with his wife ” really don’t allow him up to show up and be fully present with me.”

    oh AR your intuition is alive and well……your inner siren knows her way past this one…….beautifully!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:11pm

  95. 95: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I have been pondering whether to commit to him and make the best of it. We have been living together for three years. He is kind, spends time with my family at Christmas, makes great scrambled eggs and Sunday dinners. I have a lot of love for him.

    It feels like I supress part of my personality, and so does he. He used to be extrovert, out-going, a flirt, a womaniser. These days we are like a couple of pensioners, tip-toeing round each other and making cups of tea for excitement.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:23pm

  96. 96: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @85 Aurora Girl – now that would be awful! I do have pics up. I’m actually hoping Mr. Observant sees me. So far, he hasn’t viewed my profile, unless he has it marked not to show he viewed it, like I do. LOL

    I want to lean forward so bad, but I’ve been so good. This is all so different and new for me.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:25pm

  97. 97: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    95 RG

    well at first it was “OH my godddddddd”….. no way…..and then I was curious about what he put in his profile

    and then I made sure I wasn’t identifiable at ALL! lol

    then I saw it as funny…..

    and I still do.

    It is the case that when I went back on eharmony last year I felt more experienced on line and took things much more lightly….

    I did meet someone
    and I have been dating him for 9 months. We do not live in the same town and are several hours’ drive apart…but it’s working…he travels mostly

    he is the most amazing man I have ever met.

    We shall see what the future holds….but for now one day at a time..

    for me I was glad I stretched my comfort zone and tried the online dating, even though it was new for me too…….the world is a much different place with technology and the web……is much more open…

    the only way we could have found each other was this way…..

    and I’m glad we did!

    Good vibes to you….xo

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:35pm

  98. 98: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    If only a penis without a boy was enough. I would have no problems. Just kidding.

    In reality, I want the relationship; togetherness; companionship.

    But I might have to be content to live a relatively lonely life a bit longer.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:57pm

  99. 99: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Aurora.

    Is replying a requirement? I mean this one guy asked if I want to talk, but is huge on religion & I’m not. I feel rude saying, “no thank you, I am not as into religion as you are.”

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 4:59pm

  100. 100: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl – there is no such feeling as “rude”

    this is the patterns I notice and heal

    wow i feel uncomfortable saying that truth of mine… im judging it as rude! i want to heal this

    and say my truth anyway and get used to the uncomfortableness of saying the truth (in a non-judgemental way of course)


    on the other hand, i dont want to judge a guy either

    wheterh im into religion or not as much doesnt matter

    what are my feelings:

    ‘oh i noticed youre really inot religion and im noticing im feeling uncomfortable with that’

    the purpose of CDing is to practice saying just these feeling truths to men! so that eventually we feel comfortable sharing our truth – intimacy with everyone including our men

    this feels like an exciting opportunity to practice!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:03pm

  101. 101: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Thinking about you….how are you?

    Much love

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:05pm

  102. 102: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and also, no, i dont have to answer any of them

    (it might be good practice for me though… hmmmm)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:05pm

  103. 103: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    well…..there’s no obligation to reply to anyone…..we are responsible for our own feelings….a man is capable of managing his own too……

    but if someone asked me to talk I’d try to be open and use the phone system that allows you to talk but not disclose each other’s private home numbers (through the dating site usually)……I’d try not to pre judge what it is we might talk about…….and see what happens, explore….experiment, practice the tools you learn here…..

    if a man ventured into a topic I preferred not to talk about yet I’d say just that “oh I’m not ready to talk about that at this point….I’d love to talk about something else….what do you think?”….and see how he responds…..

    it’s all good practice… might be surprised..


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:06pm

  104. 104: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    theres a part of me that doesnt ‘get’ this responding to men for practice thing and i feel judgemental of her

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:06pm

  105. 105: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    “theres a part of me that doesnt ‘get’ this responding to men for practice thing and i feel judgemental of her”

    Today I responded to a man “for practice” for me….and it turned out I think it was “practice for him too”…

    Now i’ve been dating LD for 9months now….and it’s going well….
    but today while in town and entering a store….a fellow was coming out, the sun was shining and he saw my car (which I tried to wash on the weekend and missed a few spots) and he teased me and said “you missed a spot”…

    and I took it as an opportunity to practice and said
    “oh gosh I know…’s too funny…I feel silly I missed a spot….not my best feature washing cars…I’m just a girl……maybe if I had some help”….
    and giggled my way into the store….

    do you know when I came out two minutes later he had moved his car next to my driver’s side about 10 meters away and said “excuse me….were you serious? ” with a big smile…..

    so I said….no I was kidding with you…..and he said

    “a guy’s gotta ask” again with a big smile

    so I said “you are probably such a nice guy…..and smiled and said….but I’d get into a lot of trouble….lol” and he laughed too…

    it was innocent flirting and it made him smile….

    and that was it.

    and that’s good practice right?!!!

    now will I tell my LD about it? NO! there’s no point. It doesn’t mean anything…it was just practice…..


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:14pm

  106. 106: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Tonight i intend to get closer to the ‘niggle’ I feel with WM. I trust my intuitive niggle, and I feel desperate to get to the place of putting words to it.

    It’s not just that he is married.

    There is more. Tonight he said the way that we got together was meaningful.

    Since discovering Rori, I actually REGRET the way we got together.

    He came to live at my house. No way would I agree now to a woman providing housing for a man.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:19pm

  107. 107: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    My family like WM.

    Our relationship seems to fit the family theme – be good to one another but stuff down feelings.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:23pm

  108. 108: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    The anger that he stuffs –

    he says he is scared of it. He wants to hurt me with it but holds back, or hurts himself.

    So, my ‘good man’ WM tonight looked at me with weird madman’s eyes.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:25pm

  109. 109: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    be good to yourself siren….

    if he doesn’t process the anger with his estranged wife, and with himself, and the rest of the world….
    before he commits to another relationship

    he will indeed take it out on the woman he’s with…….

    Be good to yourself dearest Siren.


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:30pm

  110. 110: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    – Concerning men who want to be pursued

    I can totally relate. How about in your best kitten Marilyn Monroe voice:

    Man – I want to be pursued.
    Woman – Oh my, you’re so funny, I don’t want a girl! But if you want a man to pursue you, I know where to find some. It just turns me on when a man is romantic and does things for me. meoowww

    Man – It’s just that I’ve been scarred :((((((
    Woman – Oh darling, I feel so confused – because of your scars you don’t want me to have what turns me on. And it really turns me on when a man is romantic and does things for me. purrrr, purrr, purrr

    lol – I’m much better writing than speaking something like this.

    I need to practice out loud while taking a relaxing soaking bath.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:42pm

  111. 111: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i am attracting a whole bunch of frogs…i feel guilty for thinking they are frogs…

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:44pm

  112. 112: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    65. Zara
    Veet for Men Customer Reviews


    just one question:
    however did you end up in the ‘Veet for Men’ ‘s
    customer reviews on Amazon???

    light heart

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:46pm

  113. 113: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    dudes on pof like my photo. this is starting to feel really fun.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:47pm

  114. 114: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Bless you, Aurora Girl

    Yes, I will be good to myself.
    I intend that being good to myself and taking care of myself will be my priority.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:53pm

  115. 115: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    CDing is totally taking care of yourself…i get it now!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:54pm

  116. 116: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Oh well, I am still working with having patience…yes, I know that we do have to show them how we want to be treated, but….wow….I expect the more educated ones to have better manners and consideration and social grace enough, so that they know not to ask me if they can stay over at my house after the second date, even if they do live 2 hours away. Would they want their daughters or mothers to let someone they just met stay over right away? Even if they say they have good intentions. How about ask me if I know somewhere that they can stay, so that I’m not put on the spot ? I’ve been handling it really well, you would be proud of me. Now, I’m waiting to see what he says. In a phone call. Not over email exchanges on the website!!

    light heart

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:56pm

  117. 117: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Another thing WM said to me (while expressing anger at my seeing EM) tonight – he said I hadn’t been ‘giving’ as much to the relationship lately.

    Too right, mate.

    No more overfunctioning for this lady!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:57pm

  118. 118: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the insightful question and reading my post.
    Thanks so much. I really think they showed up because I am experimenting with leaning back. They both seemed to want me to lean forward….and I felt busy with my life and was inviting to them, but i felt inadequate in my vibe, like I was not doing enough to keep them interested. I felt expectant vibes coming from them that they wanted me to call them and take care of them. So this is not what I want. I want a masculine energy man. So this is giving me more clarity.
    Thanks for asking.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 5:57pm

  119. 119: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    My girlfriend just got engaged!!!
    She met this guy while she was shopping where he worked.
    He pursued her, she wasn’t interested at first.
    He continued to pursue.
    They started seeing each other
    He doesn’t want to lose her to anyone else and he doesn’t want her to see anyone else
    so he asked her to marry him
    to go the justice of the peace and get married
    she wants more time for getting married but accepted his ring.

    I’m so happy for her. That is the way it’s supposed to happen!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:04pm

  120. 120: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    Auroa Girl #104 – Way to go siren! LOL

    The other day I was in the grocery store and I asked this nice young man in produce if they had any zucchini because I couldn’t seem to find them.

    He took me right to where they were and I said, oh thank you, lovely, I feel so happy now! And he said, “Is there any thing else we can find TOGETHER? (with a twinkle in his eye) I smiled and said oh yes, thank you :) are these bananas organic? He said, no but these here in this box are. And I said, is it ok if I take the ones for the box? Yes, so I took a bunch and then he said, all flirty, are you sure that’s all you want, you know the more you take the more money I make. I said something like so sorry this is all I can do.. then as I’m walking off he calls after me again and ask if there was anything else I needed. I replied, no I think that’s all, giggling (kicking myself, for not being able to come up with a feeling message in the moment)

    Inside I was just like OMG, this kid who is young enough to be my son, just flirted with me. But, it didn’t matter, because I knew I was just practicing. And it made my day! I thought, wow, I must have some good energy going today.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:13pm

  121. 121: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    118 LoveAlways

    What a great story !

    Yes, that’s the natural, no-effort way, imo!

    light heart

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:15pm

  122. 122: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    that sounds like you had lots of fun shopping for bananas and zucchinis…..very phallic….interesting you needed help finding those items….lol

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:16pm

  123. 123: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Great article !

    These considerations are helpful

    The distinctions can be so subtle, so it helps to watch how patterns develop

    Rori writes:

    If my husband said to me one of his top 5 things was women – How I’d feel and respond might have a LOT to do with “context” – what made him say it, how he was behaving around me just before he said it, what he did after he said it, what feelings got triggered in me…all of that.

    I could take it as a personal slam at me in some insidious, insensitive way – or I could take it as a glowing tribute to women and his appreciation of them.

    I don’t know what I’d feel in that moment, or what I’d do, but I’d mightily consider choosing the more upbeat options.

    And I see that you chose to take it as a personal affront.

    Either this is because he’s a narcissistic, uncaring, stupid man who was being insensitive, cruel and jerky, or because he’s simply “clueless” and has a warped sense of humor and even less understanding of women, or because there’s some friction between you and it’s causing him to develop a lot of anger and resentment and stuff it down so that it comes out in weird ways like this that seem like a DELIBERATE attempt to hurt you – or because you are so all about you that you can’t see the big picture.

    Please just consider all of this.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:32pm

  124. 124: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    119 Euterpe

    Awesome cute story…….go Chickie!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:38pm

  125. 125: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    Healing Waterfall – hehehe I didn’t realize! Come to think of it I probably have a lot of pinned up sexual energy!

    Thanks HW

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:41pm

  126. 126: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I’m missing out on all that’s happening on the blog.
    I had some time to catch up a little on all the goings on, but haven’t had much time to comment.
    I miss hanging out with you sirens!

    Allthough I have to admit that I’ve been having a good time with my main man.
    He’s been booking most (if not all) of my time.

    I’m in awe at this last weekend.
    He actually did go through with refusing a hockey tournament.
    Wow, he actually did it!!!
    He did not work all weekend and spent all of it with ME!!!!

    I paid close attention to the masculine/feminine energy exchange.
    I was wanting to “do” things and take charge of the schedule…but like a good siren, I caught myself thinking these things and just stopped, leaned back and relaxed.

    I took my masculine energy to wash my car while he went out running his errands.
    When he got back, he was smiling at the sight of me washing my car.
    He said he loves an active woman who takes care of her things and does stuff.

    Where the masculine/feminine energy exchange came in is when he taught me how to apply wax.
    I listened to all his instructions carefully and did my best to follow them.
    I would ask him “how’s this? Am I doing it right?”
    He would lovingly tell me “you’re putting too much on, try not to get any in the openings and cracks, it’s difficult to take out.”
    I would ask “how’s this, is this too much?”

    He looked like he was smiling with his whole body :)
    We both loved the teamwork.
    That’s how we both want a relationship to be.
    He fixed a spot where the paint chipped by sanding it down and painting over with some touchup paint the dealer had given me when I bought the car.
    He also made an appointment to get my car looked at bc I was having some minor issue starting it.
    I let him and went along.

    I made sure to give him a big warm hug and said “thank you so much for helping me with my car.”
    He said “I didn’t do much”.
    I said “well, it means alot to me and I really appreciate it.”
    He hugged me back so tight for so long.

    Hhhaaaahhh (sigh), I feel so cared for and so cherished.

    When I left last night, I said “I felt so good with you all weekend. I had a good time.”
    He said “we didn’t get to do much fun stuff.”
    I said “we will get to do fun stuff soon, but this quiet alone time just the 2 of us felt really relaxing for me.”
    He gave me a long hug.

    This new relationship feels so easy and flowy compared to the old one which felt so stressfull and difficult.
    I can hardly believe that they were both with the same man.

    I can’t Thank You enough Rori and Dominique! xox

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:49pm

  127. 127: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Wow Euterpe!
    That’s the kind of attention that really boosts a siren’s vibe.
    You’ve got this flirting thing down patt!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:56pm

  128. 128: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I feel much less icky watching The Bachelorette than watching The Bachelor. I want to be surrounded anc courted and wooed by 25 of America’s most eligible bachelors! (but not enough to actually try out for the show :-)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 6:57pm

  129. 129: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee – You’re an inspiration!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:00pm

  130. 130: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    I love that show Brandylion!
    Just to imagine myself in her shoes is so much fun :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:07pm

  131. 131: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    I like how you flirted with that man about your car needing help!

    I feel happy because a CD who I have yet to meet just contacted me after several months of no contact! It is CO, and I feel happy. He seems shy and sensitive.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:07pm

  132. 132: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you Euterpe :)

    I’ve had alot of heartbreak with this man.
    But now, with Rori’s help, our relationship is on a totally other planet.
    Whatever happens, I’m enjoying this present moment to the fullest and leaving the past behind.
    I choose to be happy NOW :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:14pm

  133. 133: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, thank you for saying “I have this flirting thing down pat”, because I think I’m the worlds worst at it. :)

    But, I think the energy was there because, I’m not thinking to much about Sergio, and have been focusing my horse instead. I had three men send me happy mother’s day messages. Sergio was one of them.

    I’m not doing online dating yet. Have a big project to get out of the way first. I have started noticing men to give the eye hold to though, when I’m out and about!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:15pm

  134. 134: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee, I’m so glad to see that you’re doing well. :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:17pm

  135. 135: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Way to go Euterpe! You’re doing great :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:18pm

  136. 136: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Euterpe –

    your answers for men had me thinking of answers i was giving just a lil while ago making them wrong and telling them subtly – (and still do when i get into ‘blame mode”) – they are in fem energy and shouldn’t be

    just recently i realized something Rori had been saying about ‘hes just doing whta he’s doing’ and stopped making men wrong for what i thought was ‘fem energy.’ Everyone’s different!!! They haven’t read my book of what I find appropriate… so its totally ok that they START OUT tlaking fem energy stuff, all that matters is their willingness to turn it around and please me!- since then…. they easily turn around

    here’s how i would tweak to take the making him wrong out:

    “- Concerning men who want to be pursued

    I can totally relate. How about in your best kitten Marilyn Monroe voice:

    Man – I want to be pursued.
    Woman – Oh my, you’re so funny, I don’t want a girl! But if you want a man to pursue you, I know where to find some. It just turns me on when a man is romantic and does things for me. meoowww

    ****Oh my, you’re so funny, I don’t want to pursue…It just feels like so much more of a turn on when a man is romantic and does things for me. meoowww*******

    Man – It’s just that I’ve been scarred :(((((
    Woman – Oh darling, I feel so confused – because of your scars you don’t want me to have what turns me on. And it really turns me on when a man is romantic and does things for me. purrrr, purrr, purrr

    ***Oh darling, im so sorry hearing that :(…. it really feels like such a turn on when a man is romantic and does things for me. purrrr, purrr, purrr****


    i personally feel insecure saying it feels like a turn on when a man does things for me. or spends money on me –

    i can heal this!

    thank you !

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:20pm

  137. 137: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Hi SG!!! :)

    Las Vegas in 3 weeks! I’m so siked! 😀

    I’m following your developments with Musicman and LP.
    I may not have much time to comment, but I do look for you and read up.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:21pm

  138. 138: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Healing Waterfall – im glad you liked it :) its the question i use when i get thrown off

    Rori has it as the standard question to ask oneself while meeting a man and after.

    What did this man/situation show up to heal?

    rather than (is this a good match for me? / does he like me?)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:23pm

  139. 139: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what did THis situation show up for me to heal?

    overfunctioning hehe!

    and … i healed my unconsciousness of my pattern

    when a guy is like having trouble with directions, i jump in and help!!!

    i was thinking of formulating how to offer him help… and realized what i was doing! oops!

    instead i can just be : “uhoh, i feel worried” when he says hes lost


    and the STRESS of me organizing it myself turns me off towards HIM !!! and limits what i allow myself to take in as nourishment energetically!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:26pm

  140. 140: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I think I have the bestest best friend ever. We finally spoke to each other for the first time since Thursday (which isn’t unusual cuz sometimes we’ll go a week without talking just cuz we’re distracted by life) when she was screaming at me, and it took all of 10 seconds to genuinely make up. Easy peazy:)
    ((((((((((((best friend)))))))))))))))

    she is also going to do this a lot more, I’m sure. haha Pregnancy!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:27pm

  141. 141: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    I feel so joyful to read that Starla! :)

    See, she still loves you :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:30pm

  142. 142: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    Yeah, you are going to have so much fun!

    Music Man definitely has my attention. He is the sweetest guy Ive ever met…I’m learning how to handle all of the kindness. It’s so different for me, but I think I like it.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:33pm

  143. 143: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – thank you for the tweak. Feels much better, more loving. :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:35pm

  144. 144: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    lilibee, i love hearing that you and d are going strong…

    i have been leaning back so far lately with all guys…it helps to think of you and your awesome results.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:41pm

  145. 145: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @99 Daria

    Thank you. That helps.

    I replied to one message (baby steps), he said hi, so I said hi. He replied back, “thank you FOR RESPONDING. How are you lady?”

    I will wait until tomorrow to respond.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:45pm

  146. 146: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @102 Aurora

    Thank you. It was just his entire profile focused on his religion and how he wants a religious girl and he doesn’t have a normal religion, it sounds like he created his own?? and his daughters.

    I will keep what you said in mind. :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:49pm

  147. 147: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I told my best friend that i wasn’t cool with getting yelled and cussed at, and she said she is very sorry and that she will work on her temper… she even thanked me for forgiving her, wow! I told her of course I forgive her, it’s not like this has ever happened before anyway.

    Staying calm and not engaging when it’s abusive and destructive really pays off! But I think it’s really important not to do it in a way that send the message, “i’m so much better than you because I’m so enlightened and calm.” The way I did this here was to swallow my pride and NOT withhold love or apology just because they acted a certain awful way when they were upset with what they wanted me to apologize for. Even if I already apologized many times (and they just lashed into me each time, ugh so annoying).

    I was thinking about Daria, hi Daria, and how when you approach someone who tripped on you and you walked away from, you can actually lead with something like “I love you, you’re my sister, what’s up with us never talking for a calm minute so we can keep on being friends?” or something like that. If she flipped out on you because of something you “did” to her that she didn’t like and you really could apologize for, you could say, “I want you to know I’m sorry for ________, I know it upset you. But we can’t be yelling at each other or talking down to each other like how it went down.”

    If she says she has the right to yell and cuss if you p*ss her off, then it’s up to you what you wanna do. You could try to reason with her to make her see how it’s not right to be aggressive like that just because she doesn’t like what someone is saying. Or you could say, “well, I feel discouraged hearing that, because I just don’t want treating each other to ever be a part of our friendship. We have been friends a long time, we can talk about anything and don’t have to be like that with each other.”
    Or you could say, “okay thank you for that information,” and go back into silent mode with her, but that might just be bullying in disguise, I dunno.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 7:58pm

  148. 148: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @138 Daria

    hehe…I’m very good at directions and would argue with bf’s in the past when they were going the wrong way, but swore it was correct. After a couple times of telling them it’s wrong, I stopped, let them go the wrong way until they realized they were wrong. I guess something I need to remember to refrain from doing.

    Also, that question is great.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:03pm

  149. 149: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yay (((Starla))) & (((best friend))). I feel so happy to hear you made up!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:04pm

  150. 150: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I sent Zara’s link for veet to some of my friends, including Mr. Observant, and he was the only one who replied back. He said, “that made my day, thanks!


    Thank you for the funny link Zara. It made my day too I was laughing so hard. I bookmarked it for when I need a good laugh.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:10pm

  151. 151: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    That Veet thing made me laugh so hard.

    Here’s one for you:

    “My Little Pony: The Princess Promenade” reviews.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 8:59pm

  152. 152: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    # 60 Zara!!!!! Good to see you back. :)

    He had written me a few weeks back very posh background very wealthy type thats why I call him PoshCD, this is his 3rd email, I think they are pretty generic as you say none relating specifically to MY profile. Yes I will say I feel confused by the question.

    Thank you, because I am but as you say it will probably lead to the old sexting………sigh……..

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:23pm

  153. 153: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Zara, I LOVED the Veet ads, I laughed at the ironic English humour, how I missed it in Australia. :)

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:42pm

  154. 154: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    i feel like ‘caving’ tonite haha

    and i just put out a status for men to contact me

    and now i was gonna cave


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:42pm

  155. 155: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I just received a message from a man with a nice profile, but he doesn’t have a photo. Do you ladies talk to men like this or ask for a photo first? It sounds shallow (maybe I am?) but I like to know who I am chatting to………….


    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:48pm

  156. 156: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Did everyone like my story? Haaa!

    And another thing occurred to me that’s just kind of funny – RoBoat is actually the originator of my name on this blog. Because it was the night of our third or fourth date that he took my hand in the car, while driving (slightly intoxicated at the time, which I did not like), and said, “Tiffany…” My name is not Tiffany.

    He then proceeded to ask me for exclusivity. But it wasn’t so much of a question or a request, but more a statement of what he would or would not allow.

    Yeah. The guy is pretty much a class A jerk, all around.

    What baffles me the most is how or why any woman would actually choose to want to be with him (and he was stinky! I can’t remember any man who smelled that bad! The nose knows, right?…) And I can’t imagine how or why a person as ill-suited to be a partner is even allowed to get married! I guess everyone has that right. But seriously. Why are perfectly good, caring, same-sex-loving people NOT allowed to marry, and jerks like him can have all the marriage (and “fun”) that they want? Hm? How is that fair?? It’s not. But whatever. Life isn’t fair.

    He is not really my problem. What I get to do is to look at all the issues that really bother me, and figure out what are the things about ME that they are telling me to work on…

    And one other thing came up for me with this, which was that – I was on his “marriage radar.” That is to say, at least on some level, he was considering me for marriage – yeah, probably me and a bunch of other girls, too. But the point is, he thought of me that way. Marriage was on the table. And, seeing as he actually did get married to someone, he at least was serious about that much. Even if he was/is a total jerk about it. And would I have been totally miserable if I ever entered that kind of relationship with him? Totally. But that could have happened. If I’d let it.

    And that, also, I think is my big challenge. I am always trying to “get” what I want, and to “make” something happen. And my big challenge is really just to LET it happen, and stop resisting. Only thing is, I resist on so many unconscious levels, that it’s not even funny. But I can still notice. and I can still try to tweak my behavior, little by little. I just find it so hard to “police” myself every moment. And I find it so hard to CHANGE the little annoying things that I’ve been doing year, after year, for the last – oh- 20 years or so…argh. Even when I KNOW that the behavior is not perfect.

    But I also can’t fundamentally change who I am.

    One guy recently observed that I am not someone who enjoys being “led.” And this is true. And this feels endemic to me. It’s not a “behavior” I can change. It is a quality that I have, and if I try to go against this, I will suffer, and so will my partner. So I can keep that quality, and maybe also just BE different around it. Around them. And see what happens….And worry less. Lol.

    I hope. That’s the plan, anyway!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 10:50pm

  157. 157: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Probably thing to work on #1: Judging people!!

    Why do I need to judge him? To make myself feel better, I guess. It does make me feel better. But ultimately not that good. Because I know that he – like all people – is neither entirely good, nor entirely bad. He has his endearing qualities, and that’s why I fell for him, even when/though he was treating me badly. But I couldn’t put up with treatment that didn’t feel good to me.

    I felt the same way reading about the guy in Rori’s post above. It sounds to me like, in some ways, he was just not treating the girl in a respectful way. On the face of it, saying that he “likes women” is not such a bad thing – one would hope that a heterosexual guy likes women! But there is obviously more to the story. And I felt weird that Rori was seeming to defend him, even though he was doing stuff I didn’t like.

    But she advocated for “radical acceptance.” And that’s what it would take – radically accepting, even the behaviors that you don’t like, for the sake of having a relationship. And this one is my big, BIG area for working on. I tend to reject the behavior – and then the person. And part of why I am mad about the thing with RoBoat. Because I know that, on some level, I had and always have the capacity to radically accept – even a guy who is “like that.”

    Because what does that mean – “he is like that?” He is like what? People change their actions and behavior all the time. He is like many things and not just one way. And he was offering me a lot of things that I wanted – Marriage, exclusivity, commitment, and “taking care of” me. But other than those, his values just did not seem to be in line with mine. And so I guess it just feels bad to know that I turned away a lot of things that I really would have liked to have…only because I wasn’t willing to accept the things I didn’t want. But that’s life, right? That’s love. That’s dating – to be able to decide what it is you really want, and to not be willing to settle for an arrangement that is less that the fulfillment of all your true desires.

    My one main consoling thought is that, at some point in the future, when I do finally meet the husband/mate/person of my dreams, then I will know exactly what it is like, and all of these strange, bizarre, awkward, uncomfortable experiences will not feel in vain. They will suddenly all marshal themselves and be of service to me in some way. They will make sense, or at least they will feel trivial and unimportant in light of everything that DOES matter – which is a lot.

    I know it’s a priority thing. I get to keep my eyes on the prize, and keep riding my beautiful horse, who has done so well to keep me guided on my path to glorious bliss – and AWAY from dangerous, hurtful men like RoBoat, who I really don’t need in my life…

    Thank you, my beautiful intuition. You are so trustworthy, and I love you so much. You are always taking care of me, and looking out for me. You are on my team – even when I feel like no one else is! You are the best!!! :-)

    Thank you!!!!!!!

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:07pm

  158. 158: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    All the very best on getting this job, sending good vibes across the pond. 😀

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:09pm

  159. 159: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for the long posts, ladies – I’ve had a lot on my mind!!!

    @SMB – You could always try writing back, and just responding to his words. Some guys are shy and don’t like to post their pictures in public, but will offer to send one if they feel comfortable. Rather than ask, just go with your gut. What is his writing like? Does he sound genuine? If so, then he is probably an okay guy. You can feel it out. But you could try not “asking” first. That might seem pushy or “lean-forwardy” for a first response.

    Or, if you are going to, just be straightforward about it. Like, “Hi! Thanks for writing. Do you have any pictures you can send?” You will know by his response if he is being cagey or open.

    But either way. You can wait and let him go at his own pace…Or ask for what you want.

    Probably best not to meet him unless he sends a picture, though….

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:12pm

  160. 160: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, one more share, and then I am going to sleep!

    The other day, when my friend’s ex (who is a nice guy, and she affirmed that for me) called me to set up a date, he volunteered to tell me on the phone that when he saw me at her party, he felt like, “There – That girl – I want to talk to HER.” That felt kind of cute to hear. : )

    And the guy who came over and brought me Indian food tonight. Also really cute. I left him at the club on Saturday night when another guy offered me a slightly earlier ride home, which I accepted, and he said that he missed me afterward. Aw…These guys are so cute. They really are!!

    My big dilemma right now is – How am I going to choose just one??? And how will I feel brave enough to tell the others that I am not choosing them?? But that is just a codependent question to ask. Because that’s me trying to take care of their “feelings.” When really, they are big boys. They can take care of themselves. If I am a grown woman, and am making my own choice for my own reasons, they are not going to be angry with me, they will be happy.

    And, like me, they will be happier knowing the truth, rather than if I simply blow them off…(kind of like RB did with me recently.) That’s the golden rule, isn’t it? “Do unto others…?” And also the reverse “Do not do to others that which you hate.” So if I hate it when people don’t give me the full story, then I’d better shape up my communication so it’s different when I’m communicating…

    Okay, that’s it for now. Going to sleep. Nighty-night, sirens!! xo

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:29pm

  161. 161: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, ladies, just wow. I told George Washington I was going on dating strike. And he wrote back with a few pages talking about how I was just rejecting him and that we can’t stay friends either. He said I’m “just not that into” him if I’m telling him this. We’ve gone out on 2 dates and I liked him enough to agree to a third, but I’m not crazyclingyfemale who sets her own self improvement aside in a time of heartbreak to prove to someone I’m not turned off by them! That’s why it’s a dating strike! It’s not you, it’s EVERY MAN.


    I responded as lovingly as possible to take some of the charge out of him trying to make this such a personal thing (especially after i told him IT WAS NOT PERSONAL! ahhh i hate when people decide FOR ME that I don’t mean what I say).

    And I told him I respected his wishes to not stay friends. I guess he’s “just not that into” me either if he doesn’t want to keep a life line in the game:P Silly logic.

    I’m sure he picked that up somewhere in PUA material, to tell a girl you won’t be her friend cuz you like her too much (AFTER ONLY TWO DATES IN A MONTH OR TWO. THIS IS AWFUL ‘GAME’).

    *buzzer* PUA fail.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:37pm

  162. 162: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i liked him, but good riddance. he is gentle about it and intelligent and means well, but he doesn’t take my word when I say things like “I am not blowing you off,” “this is not a polite rejection,” etc. He decided I meant something else, and wrote a few pages on it.

    Well, gotta do something with that philosophy degree, right buddy;)?

    *I* am the expert on me. I take the time to tell you what I’m thinking and feeling because I want you to know *what it is*. Not because I want you to interpret it as something completely different and respond to it in all its fabricated glory.

    He did give me some very sincere compliments in his email about how attractive he finds me, and I feel very appreciative of them:).

    Aaaanywayyyyy, goodnight, sirens.

    Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 11:44pm

  163. 163: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i’m back
    to say
    I understand not wanting to be friends with a girl who just doesn’t want him, but I AM interested. I feel sorry for him for interpreting my direct, no uncertain terms as rejection!!

    and i wonder how many times we interpret rejection as women, so we ‘jump the gun’ when he is actually TELLING US he likes us, because it doesn’t match up with our own ideas of what that must look like. probably a lot.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:37am

  164. 164: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im great at talkin to men !

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:42am

  165. 165: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nadia – I’m with you on that one – it would be a dealbreaker for me too. I don’t want a man who turns to prostitutes (or sex with Any other woman) when we are having problems in our relationship (or Any time in our relationship!) That’s not the kind of man/relationship I want.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:39am

  166. 166: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – you are quite welcome. <3

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:40am

  167. 167: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg no more drunk ppl!

    for real!

    and i dont like being accused of bieng selfish

    or being set up

    or none of that

    i know im not selfish

    im so generous and peaceful and loving

    so whoa!

    red flag


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:10am

  168. 168: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i dont care as long as hes not with me

    some of my best friends have sex with prostitutes

    shoot some of my friends are prostitutes

    theres plenty of people who have sex with them

    just like with everybody else

    hey hey

    i like men who like sex

    i feel kinda weird with ppl who are uptight about sex


    am i judging them



    ouch that feels bad!

    i feel guilty

    im loving myself

    im loving PERFECTIONISM TAPPING from the Tapping Summit a ouple days ago – practitioner Mary Ayers

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:19am

  169. 169: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Im feeling ALL the tapping so far wow!

    I feel so glad ive finally healed some of the resistance I was having and really am allowing this to WORK for me and HELP ME and let me be on ef those LUCKY PEOPLE it works for

    i give myself permission to be one of those lucky people that get recognized and get all their dreams come true in their lifetime

    and also one of those lucky ppl who wins the lottery

    and has a healthy AWesome thrilling adventurous exciting loving beautiful inspiring amazing unique creative never been seen before marriage

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:21am

  170. 170: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SMB – i DO NOT feel safe talkkng to men without photos



    at most, i will write… if eel very uncomfortable talking to someone without a photo on their profile… what dyou you think?

    and let them make me comfortable if its something tjey can do (immediately offering to send a photo would feel good)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:25am

  171. 171: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow realizing how much i judge men wout photos as potential ‘weirdos/creepers/stalkers/sex obsessed”

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:26am

  172. 172: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    117 – Thank you!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:20am

  173. 173: CaroleNo Gravatar says:

    I was with my male friend (ex boyfriend) in a resturant and i could see through the reflection of the window he was staring for long periods, at an attractive young lady while i was in conversation with him. I said nothing about that. Later i started to feel hurt and disrespected. But i was also pleased that i did not complain.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:21am

  174. 174: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    55 – Ewww! I would feel angry if I felt judged for going out with my friends!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:49am

  175. 175: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Chickies!

    Birds are chirping, sun was shining, but much needed rain gently falling now…..but sun sun sun coming along this week an a great sunny weekend predicted for our Canadian Long weekend…..

    I am feeling anxious these days……I will be traveling to my LD sweety’s home, this time with my children….and his family has wanted to meet them in person for a long time…..they have “met” by skype, phone, email, etc….they have planned a BBQ for the weekend…

    Totally new territory for me. I feel scared, anxious, obligated, and hesitant. A part of me is relieved that we are finally doing this as it’s been asked for some time. His family is sweet and welcoming and already really like my kids.

    But meeting in person is like me saying this relationship is “the one”…..otherwise I’d never ask my kids to do this…….travel the 7 hr drive, take time off their part time jobs…..miss a birthday party at home, blah blah blah…..

    I need to find another way to look at this…because the “this is the one” story doesn’t feel good right now…..maybe I can flip this somehow….

    Maybe to” these are good people to meet and it is a new adventure for them”…….”another part of this country to see” ….and they will be welcomed….

    instead of the focus on the relationship and what this means…..his family will no doubt have their own sense that this is their family too…as they have dropped a ton of hints about this being his family now…..finally wanting girls in the family……oh I guess I can’t worry about what others think..

    Seems like I need reassurance. Feels good to express it here…..

    lol sending myself good vibes ~~~***~~~



    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:49am

  176. 176: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Nadia and Daria,

    63 – I felt really good and proud when R recently told me that he has chosen to wait until he finds his Soul Mate to have sex…or to even kiss!

    THAT is a man who is preparing his Soul for a lifelong commitment with one special woman!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:54am

  177. 177: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    173 – Good morning! Making the trip will be fun! Making the trip doesn’t mean you are marrying him. Just lean back and enjoy the ride!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:57am

  178. 178: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Agree with the tone of this article, but what if the man you are with CONSTANTLY refers to other women, i e telling you 3 times a day how beautiful the neighbour’s wife is and that he ‘better stay away from that house’ or when you are out with him, looks at other women and makes remarks ‘wow, did you see how hot she was?’ – how would you keep seeing that in a positive light? I had that happen to me and could not help but feel ‘less than’. At times I wondered whether it was to test my reaction or whether he was just brutally honest. One time we were out and about and two young beautiful women came on kayaks, and he said ‘oh, you two can tie the kayaks to our boat’. Then he turned to me and said ‘ wow, would be perfect if I was here with another guy now’ – I was livid, and though we were only heading to relationship and not there yet, it made me angry. I just ignored him and he was trying to make amends and behaved super-nice afterwards. I never understood why he would do that, and it disn’t just happen once in a while but regularly.
    I think it is a mark of respect if a man keeps those thoughts inside!
    What do you think?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:06am

  179. 179: LittleodNo Gravatar says:

    The minute you stop adding a story to everything a man says, is the minute you stop punishing yourself.
    What a man says may mean something entirely different to the message that we choose to hear…. consider that a man usually says exactly what he means…. no more…. We women with our amazingly efficient finely attuned processing equipment can find a negative message in anything… if we choose to. Dont choose a negative if there is a positivie to be found instead…..

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:33am

  180. 180: LittleodNo Gravatar says:

    I mean, the only reason women get offended and hurt by the implications of things most men say, is because of their own insecurities. If a man says you are beautiful, then he means you are beautiful….. does that mean that if he thinks another person has fine qualities, that you are any less beautiful? No. I feel it is important to remind ourselves that everyone is essentially an individual, and if we can allow each other to be as we are most comfortable being, then they will be happy in our presence…. and that is love!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:41am

  181. 181: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    176 Tam
    yes I agree, it doesn’t feel good at all to have those comments broadcast all the time.

    I would be curious to see what his reaction would be if you were to use a FM like “wow I feel really uncomfortable when I hear a man I’m dating comment about other woman like that…..what do you think?”….

    if he then hears how you feels and adjust it….he has potential….if he hears it and ignores you

    he’s probably not going to change and may not be the right guy for you…..


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:42am

  182. 182: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    175 Radlove
    Thanks……I feel reassured by your words…..

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:43am

  183. 183: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Aurora Girl and thanks, yes, I did not say anything at the time because I was too shocked, but later told him that I felt pretty bad when I heard this, and he seemed to understand and was sickly sweet, really trying …I would like to know what Rori’s take on it is because I think he has a lot of anger inside and sometimes wonder if he is trying to wind me up to get a reaction.
    Another friend once commented to me saying: wow, how do you put up with that (as she heard the comments too, another time) and I just said ‘because I know he just talks a lot but doesn’t act out on it’, which is the truth.
    We decided not to pursue anything for now anyway, was a mutual decision….however, we both like each other a lot so our paths will cross again. Interestingly, the more I got to know him, the less it bothered me, but I don’t think it is the ‘normal’ way for a healthy man to behave towards someone he is dating – there is toxicity to it, some stuff going on there for sure…or perhaps he just did not care so much and was really always on the look out for something better. It wasn’t that what bothered me, it was that he could not commit. Maybe all part and parcel of the same thing.
    Thanks for the input!! :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:08am

  184. 184: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    Aurora –

    I like when you said “I need to find another way to look at this…because the “this is the one” story doesn’t feel good right now…..maybe I can flip this somehow….”

    “Maybe to” these are good people to meet and it is a new adventure for them”…….”another part of this country to see” ….and they will be welcomed…”

    How old are your kids? Because I think you are on to something. I’d just be honest to the ones that are old enough to understand. Just say, We’re (your guy and you) not making any permanent plans at this point. I’m certainly not ready to do that. And to everyone, we’re just having us a new adventure….

    And you are right don’t take care of anyone else’s feelings.

    Have a great trip!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:11am

  185. 185: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    176 – I would say, “That feels bad to hear.” about a comment so bold as to say now we just need another guy.

    On the other hand, if it is occasional, admiring the beauty of a woman, I can appreciate that with a man. The human body is beautiful.

    This man sounds over the top, and I would feel uncomfortable too. I would say no and it would be a deal breaker.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:13am

  186. 186: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Radlove…agreed..the story doesn’t end here. Another guy did something much worse, and he was actually my bf!! 😉
    He would always tell me I am the best, most beautiful etc etc and a few times I caught him flirting with one of my friends, by flirting I mean following her like a puppy dog on several occasions, leaving me to stand alone, and staring down her top, putting his arm on her hip. He would later say ‘I never did that’. For me this was a lot worse than the guy who said ‘wow, look at that Hottie’ and then couldn’t wouldn’t even have the guts to talk to them..hahaha. Just interesting, the species men…the flirting and touching other women and ignoring me was a dealbreaker for me more than the comments from the other guy. However, neither of these behaviours feel good, they create insecurity with us and make us behave like jealous insecure women, and then they say ‘oh you drama queen’. Nowadays I just sit back, watch it unfold and if I don’t like it – no drama – a feeling message and if it keeps happening and the guy doesn’t respect my feelings at all – BYE BYE.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:21am

  187. 187: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    179 – To me, it is the heart attitude of the man that makes it or breaks it. With my friend K, who I’ve known 12 years, I know he is all about me. So when a woman walks by and he makes a comment about her body, I laugh or take it in stride.

    One thing Rori told me really sticks with me: When we are with a man, our position is we can either say yes or no to him each step of the way.

    Inotherwords, it isn’t our job to try to change him. If he presents himself in a distasteful way that leaves us feeling disrespected or slimed or dishonored, we can take a step back. If it keeps happening, we can keep stepping back until we have stepped completely out of his life.

    So I guess I am amending my initial response to you. I am learning more and more it doesn’t have to be all on or all off. When I take a step back, it often gets a man’s attention. Sometimes he doesn’t see the light until he feels the heat, if you know what I mean.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:22am

  188. 188: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    182 – Xactly!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:26am

  189. 189: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i woke up so nervous and anxious and upset, but I think it’s cuz I’m going to the car dealership to pick out a car today, and this weird man I met yesterday who was selling sunglasses made me feel really nervous about it, ahhhhhhhhhhh!

    and i feel nervous about George Washington sending me such a long, crazy letter cuz I won’t go on a third date with him right now.

    And I feel nervous about CF too, I think because GW’s long letter reminded me of all that stuff with CF.

    Triple assault!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:32am

  190. 190: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Radlove, all agreed!!
    It is also much easier to let a man be himself when you don’t have big feelings for him, I find it much easier to ‘accept’ my male friends than romantic interests. I am learning to let everyone be themselves and not make it about me, but it is definitely much harder when you really like someone and are trying to gauge how they feel about you….but in essence I think a man’s actions speak much louder than his words…
    it really does pay to take a step back and yes, they will either run or step up, it does work. The hard work is in stepping back from someone who means a lot, especially if that someone is very happy when you make contact first as he has a fear of rejection…and sometimes I wonder if leaning back feeds into that fear, i e ‘she has disappeared, doesn’t like me etc’, but I am not leaning forward anymore for the simple reason that it doesn’t really tell you how he feels, as he just ‘responds’….not easy.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:36am

  191. 191: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ahhhhhhhhhhhhh i don’t want to face life! i don’t want to make myself look nice or go to work and put on my “normal” act for everyone

    i am not normal!

    vampire scream

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:47am

  192. 192: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens – wow I need some help in stepping into my sireness and away from some really abusive man crack – i posted a while ago about a man I was with and the relationship had turned toxic – he was calling me horrible names and threatening me with violence – I left him changed my number after he sent me violent messages then changed my email after aggressives e mails but Sirens I went back for more!!!!! And now he says (after being seperated 3 weeks – 8 month relationship where we felt in love) that he is sleeping with someone else. Logically, this is no great loss but I am falling apart – I am attempting to contact him even though the likelihood is he’s going to use the power he has gained against me – I cannot even be sure that he didn’t lie about there being another woman to get me……

    where do i start?!!!!! I have been trying to put my focus on me but am a sick ball of anxiety!!! I contacted him because I was missing him and crying every day! I feel I have gone from a reasonably confident woman to a tiny ball of nothing on the floor

    Please help – STARLA your strength with CF has been a totalinspiration to me – DARIA the way you fearlessly process your feelings inspires me

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:52am

  193. 193: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Sophie, wow, got to go cold Turkey and look after yourself, internet date, meet friends, men, go out and find a nice hobby…the only way :(
    Had similar once, and the frightening thing is that he probably will be back, and you’ll have to be really strong….you can do it!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:58am

  194. 194: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Tam i get more frightened of myself Rori says trust yourself but i go back to men that abuse me over and over again :( i am trying to do all the little things to care for myself but don’t feel able to date I don’t think yet :( thanks for the moral support i need lots of it

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:18am

  195. 195: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Re 155: Tiffany, you are so right that the nose knows! I’ve realized that a man’s smell is an important piece of attraction for me. I don’t just mean the chemicals he uses (deodorants, shaving products, etc–I need to like those too), but also the smell of his skin and even his sweat. When PriestCD and I would run together, sometimes I’d get a whiff of his deodorant mixed with his sweat/natural BO, and I really liked it! I felt more physical chemistry with him than I’d ever felt before. It really is a shame things didn’t work out with him. But I will keep my nose peeled for another man whose scent I like that well. :-)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:19am

  196. 196: TamNo Gravatar says:

    :( to break the pattern somehow? I know what you mean about dating, in that circumstance it also does not help me as I am always thinking of the other guy, comparing etc, when dating men…BUT there must be something you can do to be good to yourself….watch a nice movie, pamper yourself, paint your nails, buy some cheerful clothes….good luck. I know it’s sooooooo hard….

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:21am

  197. 197: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    135 Daria

    LOVe IT !!


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:24am

  198. 198: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    188 – Whew, danger, danger, danger! I have been there.


    Please don’t contact him! Can you feed yourself every self-affirmation you know? Do you have a counselor?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:38am

  199. 199: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    its a test of my ability to surrender to what is and to let go of trying to control the outcome – I feel terrified of the fact that he has let me go even though I was tring to let him go because I know that he is bad for me – now I feel frightened because he could contact me with more abuse or cruel comments about the new woman that will hurt me. I will have a bath and soothe myself in a bit and hope that he doesn’t email me – I know I will get my confidence back but woooo! am I in the grip of something nasty at the moment – i am affirming i am powerful and i am fearless :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:44am

  200. 200: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Radlove – thank you for reading my story – therapist yes – she’s been away the last week and a half back on Thursday I cannot wait – seriously the number of times over the last 5 years she has heard this pattern I have – you just have to change the names of the men but the way I get caught in these cycles of abuse its the same – its like i just give them everything to beat me with and then i beat myself with the fact that ive attracted it and that i don’t get out of it arrrgggghhhhh!!!! If it keeps coming up its powerful to work with though I suppose – I am going to try and say yay yay yay i feel happy that this is here for me to see again because i still must not have learnt this one and this time i will!!!! You are the last man crack that I will ever know!!!! But…its finding the clues and changing the behaviours….takes time and such courage xx

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:50am

  201. 201: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    180 Euterpe

    My children are all teens this year. They are great kids. They love this man and it’s all been good. He is the first man that I’ve introduced them too so closely since my separation from their father 10 years ago and divorce being final 6 years ago…I’ve been very protective of them, not introduced them to any one I’ve dated…only spoken of these past men matter of factly…but this fellow is different… this is a big step.

    They are supportive of us totally and looking forward to the visit……I appreciate that there is a lot of love and respect in this on both sides….

    whew…seeing it as all good, an adventure….positive things for all feels so much better…..

    Aurora, “work in progress” lol

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:56am

  202. 202: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens :)

    I really liked this post. I notice with many of my friends how they make their men wrong over the smallest things…

    When a man says that he loves women I feel happy…like “OF COURSE YOU DO!!!” :)

    and I LOVE MEN!!! :) I love their smell, the way they do things, the way they take charge, pursue, initiate, love, sleep, etc…YUM!!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:00am

  203. 203: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ok..I’m feeling a tight in my chest and hunched over about this..

    So Rugby Man stayed the night and this morning I made us coffee…

    well……..there was only a little bit of hazelnut creamer (organic half n half) and normally I would have poured it for the guest (Rugby Man) but I DIDNT!! I gave him plain half n half in his coffee and used the hazelnut in mine!!

    I’m feeling all in the soup about it…like I’m a bad hostess.. BUT he would probably want me to use it for me?

    Then there is a part of me that feels good about it…

    interesting…any thoughts???

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:04am

  204. 204: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…yay!!! Fun!!! shopping for a new car :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:07am

  205. 205: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens

    Venus goes Retrograde today (appears to be travelling in reverse motion in the sky) for forty days.

    The Divine Feminine is even more vibrant an energy for us sirens to tap into at this time.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:08am

  206. 206: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    I like that you put the feminine first. I expect you feel funny because it came from you and not from him!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:11am

  207. 207: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh sweet Jilly, I bet your wonderful rugby man would be overjoyed his goddess took the good yummy stuff for herself and put herself first! :) I love hearing you did that!
    This made me think this very similar thing happened to me with R..
    I can’t remember what it was at the time, I think it was only a little of my favorite coffee left and he actually said to me yes, “please keep that good stuff for you!! I’ll take the not so good coffee”…hehe
    It felt so freeing, but there is always that twinge of guilt, maybe because of our sharing and giving nature…:)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:14am

  208. 208: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh April Rose I feel yummy and curious and all inspired our Divine Energy is at its peak time..hmm :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:18am

  209. 209: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Thinking about Femininewoman…Is she ok? I wonder how she is healing from her injury…

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:19am

  210. 210: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Rose!!! and April Rose!!! :) …thanks for posting about Venus going into Retrograde…I feel soft and warm thinking about the Divine Feminine and our magical powers, I want to really be in my most divine feminine energy today..that feels really good to think about…and it felt good to save the yummy stuff for me and yet I did feel soupy….meaning good, weird, happy, guilty, smiley, unsure… :)

    Awwww…Rose…R sounds so manly and caring :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:32am

  211. 211: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I noticed how jealous I am feeling of other people when I’m commuting to work. I look at their hands to see if they have wedding rings and are married, and I wonder why they can be married but I can’t.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:37am

  212. 212: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    IMO, wanting and choosing a monogamous relationship is Not “being uptight about sex.” Just the opposite – it’s being comfortable and secure with a man and your sexuality. Non-monogamy is sometimes a truly conscious choice (maybe) but at times it reflects an insecurity and uptightness, i.e., a lack of confidence that one can really have the monogamous relationship of the heart’s desire.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:51am

  213. 213: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I also have noticed that non-monogamy is more common among those who are emotionally unavailable (lack genuine intimacy aptitude/desire) and seems to be a symptom/trait of it.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:54am

  214. 214: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy..I agree…I want monogamy and it feels warm, soft, comforting and safe to me. Feels like home. I am living the relationship of my dreams right now, it feels magical like a fairy tale :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:59am

  215. 215: sophieNo Gravatar says:


    I do that too – with the wedding rings I wonder what I am doing wrong to not have that! and what their lives must be like and with babies…i’m 34 no man, no kids…

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:02am

  216. 216: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I got a job! The best paying job I ever got!

    Lucy, it is right near you! I start June 29th!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:06am

  217. 217: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Jilly I feel smiley :) He is…and so is yours… :) :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:07am

  218. 218: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    congratulations Radlove!
    That must feel wonderful!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:09am

  219. 219: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    hi starla! Im feeling your moments! I always do that when Im single…it drives me out of my mind…every happy couple, every kiss good bye someone gives their lover going to work, holding hands in the coffee shop, old married couples just rip me up…lol and I only notice it when Im single and it totally goes away when have a man!

    ITs like as much as my head says single is good! My subconscious tells me im lonely!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:12am

  220. 220: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Radlove! Good for you! GO girl! I think that your personality has soared since I began reading ur comments on this blog!

    I can tell you have so much more self love now in your life!

    I wish you the best and I hope that everything you wish for comes true!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:16am

  221. 221: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    don’t worry about that guy who is driving you mad. easier said than done. But choose for something better. I know you might feel like how I do with CF, in that you’ll sacrifice some of your own sanity for the chemistry, attraction, desire, intellectual compatitbility, etc., whatever it is that you’re looking for.

    Start telling yourself that if you’re gonna make “bargains” like that, it’ll at least be for better treatment.

    Or do what I do right now and avoid any serious dating until you’re loving yourself enough to attract mr. wonderful.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:17am

  222. 222: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    well done Radlove! Woo hoo! Strength to strength :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:19am

  223. 223: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    examples: i will sacrifice my hatred of professional sports if he is otherwise pretty cool and *key word* AVAILABLE for me.

    -will sacrifice my desire to have a man who likes my kind of music, if he is otherwise pretty cool and available for me.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:21am

  224. 224: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    201 April Rose

    Yay Venus Retrograde !

    I’ve been feeling a whole lot more in sync


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:22am

  225. 225: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    176 Tam

    This guy sounds like a grade-A #1 jerk for saying that to you.

    INSENSITIVE and so rude. I don’t care how nice he was afterwards, it was so inappropriate and I personally would not feel “safe” (emotionally) with that person.

    It also makes me think that he sees you as “friend” and not romantically so he says those things…and then when he sees it upsets you, does not want to seem a “bad guy” or have anyone “mad” or upset with him so he dotes on the “niceness” afterwards.

    I dated a guy similar to this, not quite the same comments but still the same level of insensitivity and I STAYED with him….now I would NOT put up with feeling bad with a man and I’m much more true to my feelings.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:24am

  226. 226: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly, I truly feel that men looove when we do things like this. Last night I was making some corn tortillas in the frying pan. My bf came over & I said, “honey, yours broke a little.” He said, “Mine, huh? Why mine” And I said, “Luck of the draw.”

    Then while we were eating he said (with a glint in his eye), “Why is mine the broken one again?”

    I said, not looking at him, just enjoying my WHOLE tortilla, “Luck of the draw.”

    I could feel him smiling at me.

    He loves when I’m sassy & selfish.

    And the thing is it’s because I’m actually really thoughtful & generous, but on my terms, when I want to be not because I feel I have to or because I want to get something in return.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:24am

  227. 227: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove !!

    How exciting!

    I feel great reading about your new job and
    definitely sense your excitement!

    Way to take care of your self, Siren !


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:25am

  228. 228: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you (((((Starla))))) I have been using you as inspiration as I think we’ve been on similar time scales – I found Rori about a year ago after another toxic relationship where I gave my power away so easily to a man that used me and I got my vibe high and I CD’d and I found this one and it felt amazing and i thought I’d cracked it so there is so much distress and disappointment attached at having to let him go :( but yes, i have been following you and trying to do the same using itas practice for getting myself to the place where mr truly wonderful and not mean and selfish turns up!!!! Feel demoralised to be picking myself up off the floor again and so bound up with him and feeling like I need him.

    You have been amazing the determination and strength and self love you have been practicing – really amazing xx

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:26am

  229. 229: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Does this sound too drastic for a man?

    Im saving my body for my future husband.
    I want to be in a committed situation with a guy before I sleep with him.
    I am tired of sleeping around and letting men “try” me out before they are sure they want me…Im not a performer auditioning for the ballet.
    Im not desensitized to sex, I feel sex is so pleasurable that I would like get strong feelings for you long before I was ready, if I sleep with you now.
    I want to wait until I feel comfortable with the person I am with and I dont feel like sex is recreational.

    That sounds like an angry rant doesnt it?
    How do I soften that one cause Im tired of requests for sex…lol

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:27am

  230. 230: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Lilibee….#125. I feel so happy for you and well – a bit proud too. Happy dance…


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:33am

  231. 231: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    196 – I used to do the same thing. I still have to guard against it where R is concerned.

    One thing that helped me get out of outright abusive relationships was to watch TV and find a man and his behavior that was very tender and gentle. I studied him. I stood close to the screen and watched him touch women like they were gold. I imagined it was me being touched so gently.

    Then I burned that image in my mind that I won’t let any man near me unless he treats me like THAT.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:36am

  232. 232: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie and Aurora and anyone else I may have accidentally missed…

    Thank you for your kind, supportive comments! I feel happy!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:38am

  233. 233: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jessie,
    I like some of what you wrote here, but it seems there is a little too much explaining and your own opinion about guys trying you out. Like, the less said, the better.

    “I’m saving my body for my future husband.
    I want to be in a committed situation with a guy before I sleep with him.

    I feel sex is so pleasurable that I would likely get strong feelings for you long before I was ready, if I sleep with you now.

    I want to wait until I feel comfortable with the person I am with first”



    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:39am

  234. 234: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    225 – I wish I could find it. One of the Sirens posted a superb FM that said the same thing, but really softly. I agree with WHAT you said, But i agree that HOW you said it sounds harsh.

    It was something to the effect that I don’t give away my body until I have given away my heart. It’s a package deal.

    Does anyone remember?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:48am

  235. 235: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Light Heart,

    223 – Thank you! Yes, I am definitely doing my best to take care of myself! It feels good to be self-sufficient, and when the right man comes along, i want to have my life completely in order!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:52am

  236. 236: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – #176 – Yes this kind of behavior is disrespectful.

    You can’t change another person, but you can change yourself, and your changes may include not accepting being treated in this way.

    Your changes also may or may not instill change in him as well.

    But you always have the choice to walk away.

    Accepting someone’s behavior or accepting someone exactly as they are also includes having the choice to not have someone who treats you poorly in your life.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:53am

  237. 237: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    27: ReceivingGirl

    I totally am triggered by the statement about letting a relationship unfold naturally also…

    I feel like saying ‘Duh! of course a relationship should unfold naturally’.

    For me, naturally includes what I am feeling and if it’s sticky or icky then I want to work through it. I sometimes feel confused about what is too much to ask to have someone work through it with me…

    Today I feel really sad that I shared my deepest self and wasn’t received.

    I have had a couple of great CD messages on POF and one great chat. An offer for a dog walking partner, an offer for a picnic and one fellow who did the ‘i want to meet you’ and his whole profile is an invitation to fly to San Fran and cruise back to Vancouver over the long weekend because he had a last minute cancellation. That sounds super fun and scary at the same time.

    I’m noticing that I am feeling sad at the offer of the picnic because SR made picnics for me and I am a little worried that I might show up to the CD picnic and burst into tears – has this ever happened to anyone?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:55am

  238. 238: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    YAY!!! Radlove, huge congratulations.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:58am

  239. 239: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Sophie – What strikes me here is that you keep finding/attracting/are attracted to abusive men. Somewhere along the way you equated this kind of abuse with love. Were your parents abusive in a similar way?

    When things get mixed up in this way, love with abuse (or neglect, rejection, abandonment), we will keep finding these types of situations. Even though they feel bad, they are familiar. They feel like the love, the only love you’ve known.

    It takes awareness and a huge conscious change in choice, choosing someone, a man, who is completely opposite to the kind of man you would normally go for, someone you may not be attracted to at first, someone who you may find boring.

    You may not be accustomed to being treated well, with respect, with love. It does take getting used to. And you may push it way, block it, but the more you can heal and release old stuff, the more you can allow the stuff which feel better, the more you will want to feel this way, and the less you will tolerate the old stuff.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:04am

  240. 240: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    99: Daria

    This seems so simple and I am realizing how difficult this is for me to do because I bounce back and forth between judging myself and the fellow.

    I really appreciate your clarity and transparency with this process, I am gaining insight into my own patterns and tender spots

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:04am

  241. 241: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    I am really scared of bursting into tears in front of a CD that I just met and feeling like I have to explain myself or share personal information or have him think I am a lunatic…

    Lol! now that feels a little funny to me that they might think I’m a lunatic

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:06am

  242. 242: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Radlove – i’m all caught up in thinking he treats me great when that is a delusion he doesn’t!! He has just positioned himself as the one who is able to walk away and now I feel soooo small and left behind :(

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:08am

  243. 243: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    You’re one hot be-atch. You got the job!

    I feel proud of you, honey.

    Big smiles :-) :-)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:09am

  244. 244: StarlaNo Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:18am

  245. 245: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique! Yes my dad was really psychologically abusive to me – my mum stayed with him though – so yes I do think I must equate it with love – so painful though – I have just received an e mail from the man ‘rejecting’ me after I went back after getting away – he is all cold and authoritive in his email and walking away – i feel so small and left behind :( I’m glad i’ve had the space to join in here today cos I totally need to change I cannot keep doing this it is total torture. Can we really learn to love men we find boring? and unattractive?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:21am

  246. 246: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    I am longing, looooonnnnngggging to lean forward and call SR.

    I am feeling lonely and frustrated with myself for not getting off my butt yet today.

    Why do I feel this insane desire to share my emotions with him….I have lots of people to share myself with and they love me for it and receive me with open arms and he often just can’t – so what’s with me feeling like forcing him – WTF?

    I am reminding myself that he will call me – he always calls me…

    I feel so frustrated with myself not to just let it alone and feel good about him being on the back of my horse (since that is exactly where he has put himself) as I’ve heard you sirens talk about…which I am assuming means just letting it be what it is and carrying on with ME and eventually he will fall off or step up – is that how it’s meant?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:23am

  247. 247: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Good heart…I felt so smiley and giggly reading your post, picturing you eating your WHOLE tortilla not even looking at him yet feeling pleasure 😉 …YUM!! super sassy and flirty…thank you for sharing that…I’m going to remember these stories…”the coffee” and “the tortilla” … :)

    Radlove…that is so awesome!!!! yay!!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:28am

  248. 248: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, #230:

    First of all, congrats on the new job! I feel excited for you!

    I thought I’d saved that one (I keep Google documents of all the fabulous things you women write!), but I can’t find it either.

    I seem to recall there also being something about sex confuses the feelings…gah! I feel so annoyed that I apparently didn’t keep that one after all!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:36am

  249. 249: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Celtic Blue once wrote:
    I say “For me sex comes with relationship and commitment and caring . These things are a package deal and I feel safe and sensual when a man cares for me in an ongoing relationship. Casual sex feels all wrong and is not for me. I don’t want to be friends with benefits .”

    RadLove, you once wrote:
    “I want to feel cherished. I want to be known and loved, not just touched. I want a man to see my heart, mind, soul, and spirit. Then when he touches my body, he is touching ME, not a body.”

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:38am

  250. 250: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ut oh ladies, i think Alaska might be pulling out, too, cuz I don’t want to do serious dating right now and maybe I just want to kick it like friends.

    we’ll see.

    i love me and am not abandoning myself.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:47am

  251. 251: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Sophie – yay you for recognizing this in yu and your family patterns.

    It’s not so much that you have to learn to love someone you find boring. It’s much more about learning to feel curious and learning to feel open to any and all possibility.

    For example when I first went out with K, he didn’t look anything like the kind of man I usually went for aside from his height.

    I made a conscious decision to give him a chance anyway to explore, to just see what might unfold.

    He turned out to be an amazing, loving, affectionate, generous, fun, funny, smart man. Look what I would have missed out on had I gone with my initial reaction.

    He’s changed over the years as I healed and grew. The “better” I became, the “better” he became. You may have heard me say that a man heals best through a woman’s heart, and I am living proof of this.

    So I didn’t settle. I didn’t learn to love a boring man, for he never was. I learned to open my eyes and my heart.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:05am

  252. 252: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rose I am here just focssing in my health. Fingers are healing up. Were you the one who did breast cancer surgery? I did first mammograms a few weeks ago and got called for sonogram. Did them today and was told that I had lymph nodes in both breasts like the size of lima beans. He said not to worry about it because many women have them but to come back in 6 months to make sure they are not growing. It leaves me feeling so unsettled.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:13am

  253. 253: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:


    Thank-you! The way you answered Sophie’s question, is the best way I have heard being open to men one may not have normally found attractive described.

    In particular: “So I didn’t settle. I didn’t learn to love a boring man, for he never was. learned to open my eyes and my heart”

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:17am

  254. 254: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    212: Radlove

    I feel so happy to hear you got the job and ‘the best paying one you ever had’. Yay! Feel inspired and wiggly excited for you.

    I need to find work too and am just so resistant to putting myself out there right now – feel vulnerable to the inevitable rejection.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:18am

  255. 255: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aw dominique 247 is beautiful:)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:23am

  256. 256: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @233 Love Actually

    I agree.

    I feel glad to hear POF is working well for you. I’ve responded to one, he replied and I have to reply back. Baby steps!

    I don’t have any advice about the picnic, never been in that situation before. What if you suggest something else for your first meeting?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:24am

  257. 257: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    247: Dominique

    I feel really grateful and hopeful reading this.

    I notice that I feel completely resistant to most of the men messaging me on POF if I don’t feel an instant attraction to them. I almost feel like I would be betraying them somehow if I agreed to see them – that I am implying some interest even if I don’t feel it.

    I feel relief with the notion of curiosity – I can be curious and I want to be open to the possibilities…and I want to be open to what may come of the interaction with a man even if not a potential love relationship.

    I’m realizing that I put a lot of weight on the outcome – WOW! I am totally attached to the outcome. Crap! For me it seems to keep coming back to that I want to control every little thing in every aspect of my life and it is currently throwing a barrage at me that I can’t control any of it. Interesting.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:26am

  258. 258: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Femininewoman))))))) That actually wasn’t me but I think it was “Rosa” who had surgery..I could be wrong…
    Sending you lots and lots of healing energy and love…xoxo

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:26am

  259. 259: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:


    Congrats on the new job!! :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:29am

  260. 260: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @253 Love Actually

    I feel completely resistant as well on POF. It doesn’t matter what their message says, but I can find something to make me not happy about it. Or their profiles. I feel very judgmental. I even did it with Mr. Observant’s profile (his pictures just don’t do him justice). I feel awful for being so judgmental.

    I need to figure out what is behind that.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:34am

  261. 261: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    252: ReceivingGirl

    I am laughing at myself right now…of course – something different for a first meeting – that would be taking good care of myself. Even though I love picnics, it would be painful right now.

    Now to figure out how to put that in FM because I have the sense that he is now putting a huge amount of energy into planning a fabulous picnic.

    How does this sound.

    I’m just realizing that while a picnic sounds really wonderful I am feeling a little overwhelmed at doing something so grand for a first meeting. I would feel more relaxed to maybe go for a walk for a first meeting. What do you think?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:40am

  262. 262: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    256: ReceivingGirl

    I know exactly what you mean.

    I was really judgmental in my 20s too and I think I pushed lots of men away.

    Funny, SR has a profile on POF from before we met and if I had come across him via his POF profile I would NEVER EVER have answered a message from him – I met him through a friend and now I feel like I am struggling to get him out of every single cell of my body. Weird!!

    I really liked how Dominique put it in her post #247.

    I am curious by nature. I’m feeling a little lighter imagining I can find a way through curiosity.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:45am

  263. 263: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sophie – i would start CDating immediately (take your best photos, write a 2 paragraph profile to put online and ill help tweak)

    I hear you don’t feel ‘ready’ for dating… that is – I noticed – a clue that you should start shifting your attention towards dating even MORE right now

    when an experience with a man crushes us and our feminine balance, a healthy response is to IMMEDIATELY turn 180 and receive masculine energy from the other sources around

    in a smaller scenario:

    if a man is rude to us in a club for example, the fastest way to heal is not to isolate ourselves in a corner, but to turn away from him and smile at the other men wanting to talk to us and receive attention from them

    Receiving Attention from men Does feel very scary when we are feeling crushed and sad inside… and it can help turn around our crushed vibe (in minutes! sometimes, its like a miracle)

    the more we build this as an instinctual reflex, the easier it is for us to stay balanced and nourished and open

    theres not really any necessisity to ‘suffer’ over a breakup at all once this reflex has become second nature!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:46am

  264. 264: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sophie – also i would get really clear on how to use CDating as THERAPY and not as ‘dating to find a guy i like as a boyfriend’

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:47am

  265. 265: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Some really wonderful light bulbs going off here today. I feel so glad to be a part of it.

    Curiosity can be your best friend. You don’t owe anyone anything by responding to someone on a dating site. It doesn’t mean anything other than you feel curious, even if no initial attraction is there.

    Initial attraction means nothing anyway. It’s simply a response to physical appearance which says nothing about what’s in this person’s heart and mind.

    Don’t you hate it when a man does this to you? Dismisses you because you don’t look like whatever is he thinks he wants. Or the opposite, he wants you because one or more of your body parts fit into his preconceived concepts. Don’t you feel annoyed at being just a body to him?

    Even after our first date, I wasn’t sure. All he did was talk about himself, mostly anyway. I decided he was either a narcissist, or he felt nervous. It turned out to be the latter.

    Again look what I would have missed.

    I mentioned here recently that we just had our ten year anniversary, and I feel closer, more connected, more in love than ever.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:47am

  266. 266: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘wanting and choosing a monogamous relationship is not being uptight about sex’


    yeah, but people who want and choose a monogamous relationship can still have sex when they are single and non committed and STILL be choosing monogamy

    it seems none of her business what he was doing during the time he was single…(as in the story)

    i know i dont talk to men about my personal sex life that doesnt involve them

    to me a guy choosing to be celibate till marriage – ok well i kinda feel worried that he has sex/judgement issues and may not be an open (or skilled!) partner.

    I feel a bit weirded out.

    i feel more comfortable and safe thinking of a man who is happy to please and give sex and love to any woman with his generosity, until he finds The woman he wants for life that he will committ to

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:58am

  267. 267: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Dominique and Emerson, you have confirmed my thoughts exactly. I do think life is too short to accept men that make you feel bad on a regular basis, yes they may have good points too (doesn’t everybody?) – but it doesn’t make up for general disrespectful behaviour. Sometimes I know this but give people the benefit of the doubt and think it is me who is being unreasonable and maybe I should think: ‘live and let live’ – as I am not perfect too. So it was nice to have heard your take on it.

    Congrats Radlove!!! What excellent news!! You go girl :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:58am

  268. 268: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling pist and uptight that i explained myself

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:02pm

  269. 269: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Daria and Dominique feels great to hear your wisdom and get your encouragement – feels lovely also to be reminded of the feminine – i’ve been so bound up in just feeling terrified and with fighting him and my own demons that it feels nourishing to remind myself that I am a feminine being who needs things to be gentle and divine. Dominique your own experiences are so reassuring – I know there are some men who are probably very nice men who I’ve properly panicked when they’ve wanted to take me out again or kiss me – I’ve felt so resistant I want to push them away and never see them again – very strong resistances :)

    Daria))) I love what you say :) I noticed when I was reading about turning to male attention both a feeling of excitement that yeah I can do that! that’ll feel good! and totally getting what you were saying and seeing it as a nourishing thing to do/practice being but also this fear of not wanting my self worth to be all mixed up in the adoration of men – do you know what I mean?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:15pm

  270. 270: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    241 – Don’t let the abusers of the world define who you are.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:39pm

  271. 271: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    245 – Who is that Radlove person you quoted?!?!

    Whoaa! She’s good! LOL! 😆

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:40pm

  272. 272: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks everyone! I see it as starting a new chapter in my life! today I did some window shopping, making a mental list of things I’ve been needing, and prioritizing.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:41pm

  273. 273: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 262 – Daria reading that, it feels peaceful to allow it to settle in to me to accept that people make their own choices for their lives. In allowing them I feel more open to doing that for myself and feeling powerful in my own life.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:42pm

  274. 274: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove I feel happy to read about this chapter of your life. I admit I felt stunned at the way you stood up for yourself initially but now I am feeling surprised as to how it as all just working out in a seamless flowy way.

    Brava to you and congrats. I feel hopeful that you will keep expanding and learning.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:45pm

  275. 275: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Love Actually,

    250 – “I need to find work too and am just so resistant to putting myself out there right now – feel vulnerable to the inevitable rejection.”

    Can you look at it like CDing, that it’s just putting yourself out there for practice?

    For me, I find jobhunting and interviewing far less stressful than CDing, because I have a lot of confidence in my document skills, and because I HAVE had a lot of experience (not thrilled at having jobhunted so many times, but as a contractor, that’s the breaks). But if you just look at it as practice, it doesn’t feel so threatening.

    I just had the phone interview yesterday, and even tho I was asked some challenging questions, I felt at ease because of all the times I’ve interviewed.

    Another thing that helped me get into it was instead of viewing it with fear, I chose to look at it like an adventure. It was like a treasure hunt to see what jobs I would find where.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:46pm

  276. 276: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    270 – ” I admit I felt stunned at the way you stood up for yourself initially”

    Thank you. What does this part mean (above)?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:49pm

  277. 277: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    239 – Thank you beatch! The best part of being on the blog is meeting psycholoco people like you! 😆

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:51pm

  278. 278: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    238 – “Thanks Radlove – i’m all caught up in thinking he treats me great when that is a delusion he doesn’t!! He has just positioned himself as the one who is able to walk away and now I feel soooo small and left behind ”

    That feels confusing when that happens. It is a time to reach deep inside and feel your heart. Can you get alone and fall to your knees and comfort your heart?

    Can you touch base with the real you and visualize a loving man caressing you, giving you a dozen of roses, and taking you to the beach? Can you put yourself in an old fashioned movie, and feel a man taking your hand, kissing it, and protecting you from this man who is hurting you?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 12:55pm

  279. 279: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    I really like that last idea Radlove of finding the lovely protective man who will help me with the man who is hurting me :) I have just put some potential internet dating photos on facebook and immediately had all my contacts ‘liking’ me – yay! even that lifted my vide :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:14pm

  280. 280: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    oops – vibe :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:14pm

  281. 281: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Him: What is your plan for tonight sweet miss?

    Me: Just have to stop after work to do X, but other than that, just feeling like relaxing. You?

    Him: Hopefully to see my sweetheart and feed her a tasty dinner after a busy day….? :)

    Me: Awww, I LOVE that plan. That would feel so nice!


    I am always feeling so surprised by this man… He has completely challenged every one of my negative beliefs about relationships. :) :) :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:31pm

  282. 282: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm, I can relate to this post recently in terms of me being around MWC at work on the weekends.

    For some reasons when I work a Sat night and he is also working, I get thrown off balance.

    He is a nice guy who chats and jokes with everyone including the women work colleagues.

    And I felt so jealous.

    But it feels like a personal attack on me.

    And I feel SO mad about it.

    But underneath that I feel is sometimes a sense of insecurity in myself, or that NV about ‘i’m not good enough or something.

    It annoys the heck out of me that I am not able to be more zen about it all.

    But at the last Sat night he WAS definitely ignoring me… I am not saying on purpose… but it was as though I did not register on his radar… which never, ever usually happens… and that did trigger me.

    And I told him it felt bad being ignored.

    I have heard Rori mention that ignoring is a form of neglect.

    But his joking/flirting with other colleagues, I don’t really think is harmful, nor is it a personal dig a me…

    And I know the jealousy is all my issue!


    Lucky me.

    Well, anyway I am noticing.

    Sometimes I feel like a total Princess when I want all the attention on me…

    But, well, I am a Siren after all.

    I suppose it would just feel better to get that attention in a positive way by glowing (which I think/hope I usually do) rather than a negative way of getting all mad when I don’t feel cherished or am not getting what I want, or I feel jealous.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:40pm

  283. 283: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, Sophie, 269/270

    I agree with Daria, UNLESS you need to do some therapy of your own before you can use CDing as effective therapy. That’s why I am on a dating strike right now. Because I am not even sure how I would want to use CDing as therapy because I’m reevaluating my romantic goals and desires and even my personality. I like the idea of getting romantic attention from men to make me feel feminine and desired, but I’ve been doing this for years, always turning to another man/men isn’t working for me in the big picture sense. It’s a bandaid. I’m going to rip the bandaid off and let the gaping wound heal how it should be healed, with my own self love.

    I feel excited to learn how to fill myself up. How to feel desirable and worthy even if there isn’t some man telling me I am. I think this will attract the effortless, true love I am wanting in this life.

    Also, I have been prone to let taking care of myself slide when I have a man in my life. I have a bad habit of not taking care of myself in general, so I want to switch this up before I get back to dating.

    Sooo this is my own journey and my own perspective, and hopefully you will find one that feels just right for you and all our perspectives help you narrow down and decide how you’re feeling and what’s right for you, you know?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:48pm

  284. 284: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Mel!!! Go you! That’s what I would love – a man who constantly surprises me in a lovely way :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:48pm

  285. 285: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel you are such an inspiration

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:50pm

  286. 286: StarlaNo Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:51pm

  287. 287: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove wasn’t it you who kinda told them you know how much you are worth and kinda like they would be blessed to have you working for them?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:52pm

  288. 288: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria 262, I am thinking pretty seriously that when I am off my “dating strike,” I will probably sleep with someone casually. I can feel that I want to do this, and that it will be very healing for me to open up sexually.

    There are some things about my body that I don’t like, and I realize that I’ve been shutting down sexually because I don’t like them. I falsely require full emotional commitment and security from a man, not so that i can feel safe to sleep with him, but feel safe to know he won’t dump me because i’ve got some major imperfections going on with my body. It’s not ACTUALLY about the sex.

    But they’re things I can do about what’s making me self conscious enough to shut down the sexual part of a relationship, even if it takes some effort and money and time. It’ll be worth it to feel like I can be freely naked and sexual.

    I feel excited for this fall! I can imagine I’ll be a brand new person in a lot of ways! And I’ll be living my life to the fullest, instead of letting fears and insecurities dictate my choices.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 1:57pm

  289. 289: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    271: Radlove

    Ohhh, I feel happy thinking of it like practice, an adventure and treasure hunt.

    I feel stuck and struggling with my confidence because I am transitioning into a new field entirely and don’t have experience and really really don’t want to get pulled back into the kind of work I did before – it just sucks the life out of me.

    I feel torn also because I have a short term need to earn some money and the long term need to cultivate my new career path…AND I just keep getting hit with health issues that require surgery and THAT just completely flattens me – physically, energetically, spiritually.

    I feel hopeful because after this last diagnosis that will require more surgery has brought several people into my life who are reaching to me to offer energetic healing and that just feels soooooooo comforting. And bringing the lesson that I knew before and had forgotten that the universe does provide what I need and I just have to be open to receiving it and soaking it in. Yay me!

    Yay looking for a job as a fun adventure – I feel encouraged. I feel curious.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:07pm

  290. 290: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    284: Starla

    I feel really inspired by your thoughts -both in prior posts about how you are taking care of yourself – thanking yourself for washing your face and brushing your teeth. Wow! This feels like lovely little rituals you are offering to yourself and I have been inspired to take better care of myself in similar small ways after reading your posts. I too have not been very good at taking conscious, fabulous, delicious care of myself.

    Reading your post about opening up sexually feels so loving as well and has helped me to also realize one of the gifts that SR has given me, despite the challenges, is a freedom and openness sexually. I’m in my mid 40s and have never felt so open and secure in my body with anyone the way I do with him and it’s fantastic! Thank you for the gift of that insight.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:14pm

  291. 291: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    283 – “Radlove wasn’t it you who kinda told them you know how much you are worth and kinda like they would be blessed to have you working for them?”

    Ah, now I know what you meant. That was a different job interview. They were paying almost half what I’ll be earning on this job I just got!

    Yes, I definitely feel more confident in the work world than in dating and in operating in my feminine energy. I KNOW my skills are above average, and I KNOW what my career pays. So that’s why I spoke so boldly to the other employer.

    I had firm ground to stand on, since I am on unemployment. If I had no income at all, I would have been forced to take the route of desperation, which never makes a good bargain.

    Ha! I just decided I’m going to email the interviewer and tell her what I’ll be earning! In Your Face, Beatch! Don’t worry, I won’t say that last part!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:21pm

  292. 292: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    That is the cry of my heart right now, both to low paying employers and to men who treat me wrong. That goes for my brothers, too.


    What I do is go into my fantasies, and I become a precious princess who wear beautiful dresses and has all the aides she needs to keep her hair, nails, face, etc in perfect condition! She is coddled and pampered and spoiled!

    Then I go away from the fantasy and treat myself like that. Then when an abuser comes on the scene, I mentally require him to treat me as well as I treat myself.

    If he doesn’t, I say no.

    I highly recommend the book to you, “Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them.”
    It was very eye-opening to me when I was having one relationship after another with obviously abusive men.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:27pm

  293. 293: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Good for you Radlove.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:29pm

  294. 294: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    What it is…is….
    I grow hair in places a woman shouldn’t=/

    i pluck/shave/tried everything, but it is never enough to make me feel comfortable. And ingrown hairs look even worse than actual ones! So I’m going to get it laser’d off, which will be lengthy and expensive. But so worth it.

    And I feel self conscious about my VJ. I actually feel like she’s a little sick and sad from sexual trauma and abuse, and I am going to heal her. Sometimes she just “looks” sad to me, and I think it’s so ugly and undesirable. I feel like she has been mistreated or neglected for most of my life, and I am going to heal her.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:30pm

  295. 295: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve never really compared my professional self to my personal self before. Hmmm, if I can transfer some of this confidence to my personal self, I’ll be sittin pretty!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:34pm

  296. 296: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Starla (((279)))

    Yes I need to find the one that works for me because I see great value in both approaches – I wonder if I am able to combine the both or if actually the direct male attention will freak me out and I’ll become more introverted. I’m not someone who has gone from relationship to relationship and have spent long periods of time (I think!) without men so it might do me good this time to keep practicing and not do what I usually do which is some bizarre clinging on out of a sense of loyalty when he is no longer there sort of thing! That said it might do me good to reclaim myself as mine and as single and available – otherwise I feel unavailable and as if I’m still attached to him – even with my body, even without him there and him seeing another woman! So, maybe for me this time it’ll be a matter of diffusing the power I have given him by reclaiming my position as woman among men! But also, I must do as you do also and do that work on myself, so that I am the best and most feminine and most powerful siren I can be in preparation for the man who is ‘able’ to claim me :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:37pm

  297. 297: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens! I had a nice laugh today and am proud of my leaning-back self . . .

    GM is still looking at my FB daily and yesterday he apparently noticed that I “Liked” a band that is from the small town where he lives. He texted me today to ask me where I had seen them and I told him I met one of their members online . . .

    He is sooooo funny! He proceeded to inform me that he went to school with “Dave” and that I have met his son at GM’s house. He told me the man’s life story and I just kept leaning back – barely responding to his info. Finally, I said, “Thanks for the intel . . . lol – Tell Jake (his friend that we went tot he beach with) hello from me” and that was it. He took the hint and stopped ratteling on and on about the band guy.

    I seriously doubt that I will ever even meet “Dave”, but knowing that GM is now thinking about it and wondering if I am going to date him has absolutely made my day! The fact that I did not gush all over him and promise to never love another man in this life or the next makes me very proud!

    Meanwhile, I am CD’ing like crazy with the guys on POF and I think I have two dates for this weekend!!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:43pm

  298. 298: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    291. Radlove,

    What you are describing about your amazing professional self and how it could help your personal self is exactly what Tony Robbins helped with on that Oprah Lifeclass that I was wanting you to watch. It was very inspiring to see a young guy who had the confidence at his job but not with his fiance.

    If you have that kind of confidence in your professional life there is no reason why you can’t have it everywhere! :)


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:52pm

  299. 299: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am finding that the men who are trying to date me right now are not handling it very well that I don’t want to date right now. They are looking for meaning in it that isn’t there. I think this is kind of like how they grumble when we give them the no-gf speech and tell them we’re going to keep dating. It’ll be okay.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:56pm

  300. 300: sophieNo Gravatar says:


    I love the kindness and gentleness with which you are treating yourself – I want to show myself the same kindness and gentleness – the toxic man i just left was very into my body and in general i am ok with my body but then in the last arguement just to be mean he said that I didn’t give him enough sex and now he is sleeping with another woman I am feeling very sad in my own body – i feel uncomfortable touching myself or being in touch with my VJ cos it makes me think of him and of them together and of being rejected :( poor our vjs that need gentle loving kindness – i love you vj.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:58pm

  301. 301: lkNo Gravatar says:


    awwwww go go go : ))) yayyy : )

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 2:59pm

  302. 302: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – thanks for the book recommendation – i have read it!!! I have forgotten it though – maybe i’ll look for it again xx Starla – your body comments really just triggered that understanding i now have that maybe in a way i am rejecting of my own body because he has been rejecting of it – i am going to be loving with my body

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:01pm

  303. 303: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    yay!!!! Calypso sounds exciting and fun :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:06pm

  304. 304: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((290: Starla))))

    I have hair where western culture says it ‘shouldn’t’ be on a woman also.
    When I met SR, I was totally unkempt and he didn’t seem to care except if I asked him to pleasure me in ways that it would be uncomfortable for him…lol!

    I have found waxing to be the best so far – wish I had bucks for lasering, I hear its even better. I’m excited for you to feel 100% comfortable.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:07pm

  305. 305: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove if you see this I sent you a FB message.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:11pm

  306. 306: lkNo Gravatar says:

    one thing i’m noticing about feeling like i’m “struggling”….. every single moment, when i’m “trying” I can feel myself moving forward toward what i want ! it’s re-assuring (((lk))) (((ladies))) (((men))) : )

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:18pm

  307. 307: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RadLove I am feeling so inspired and energized by your comments

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:19pm

  308. 308: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow im realizing how much it boosted my self esteem as a kid to be a good fighter
    i really trusted myself to be superman up until i noticed myself not taking steps to crush all affronts

    then i judged myself as weak

    so it felt great to be that physically able

    and also limited as far as, when i didn’t use that tool, i felt worthless and bad

    i cam out really strong minded with the knowledge of having that tool

    i knew i was a strong person

    strong warrior

    and that DID give me self esteem, to not give myself away sexually for example

    i was a hard and sure of myself person

    i knew i can count on me in case im really threatened

    i didnt build other tools


    now that i can see why one Wouldnt want to punch somone that is triggering them, im building new tools

    in a way the inadequacy of the toher tool hleped me to find new tools
    nd the adequacy of it helped me have self esteem

    like, trust myself


    it was my call to power, karate kid

    power thru dominating force

    power thru being invincible


    better faster stronger more amazing than the rest

    how to solve conflit – yell or hit until the other person gives up/loses

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:41pm

  309. 309: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the wise caring gentle giant part of me didnt want to crush everyone

    i feel resentful of him/her that i felt so much worthlessness in conflict due to my not using my tool

    and also glad of him her that i have this level of compassiona nd awareness

    id like some more healing an dacceptance now

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:43pm

  310. 310: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    294 – Interrrresting! I will definitely have to watch it! Thanks!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:44pm

  311. 311: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:


    Awesome about the new job! Congrats!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:44pm

  312. 312: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #212 Radlove


    BIG BIG congratulations!!! Oohh I see such good things happening for you from now on Missie. 😀

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:55pm

  313. 313: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    303 – Thank you! I just never made that connection before between my professional self and my personal self. That is a big thing I like about this blog: it brings subtle, internal things to the surface and helps me see them in black and white!

    It’s very interesting for me to observe…I mean this is striking me like a revelation! My professional self is well developed from a lifetime of working, and it represents my boy energy!

    My girl energy is the lil girl who was so damaged; submerged; put down. She is the one who is in intensive care here on Siren Island. She has been palsied; withered; decrepit. This past three years, she has been steadily coming back to life as my boy energy nurtures her and gives her recognition and a voice.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 3:59pm

  314. 314: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    She has fallen, but she is getting back up. And she will be more beautiful and whole than her former self!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:01pm

  315. 315: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my very close friend is suddenly on the operating table this afternoon getting his gall bladder unexpectedly removed and hearing that he likely has tumors in his liver.

    And I feel fine.

    Am I evil? I’m not at all worried. And I wonder if it’s because lately I have been feeling drained by the friendship, because he always has something he’s complaining about. And all my energy has been used up on his crying wolf?

    I figure I’ll worry when they confirm the existence of tumors.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:03pm

  316. 316: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso @293

    Sounds great!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:08pm

  317. 317: RadloveNo Gravatar says:



    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:14pm

  318. 318: RadloveNo Gravatar says:



    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:16pm

  319. 319: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Congrats Radlove. The only way from here on out-is UP!!!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 4:21pm

  320. 320: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Sassy!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:26pm

  321. 321: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you! I read your message and I’ll respond soon. I feel resistant to logging out of my main facebook account, LOL.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:38pm

  322. 322: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    #17: ReceivingGirl

    “Blue Rose – You are welcome. May I ask, why are you still entertaining meeting up with him when he thinks what you want is boring?

    Btw, it’s not boring. I want exactly the same thing. Just because you are not bootying around town, doesn’t mean it is destined to be boring.”

    Hi ReceivingGirl!

    I see him as practice. I notice he is triggering me in so many ways, but I believe he has a good heart. He is something different for me physically – a little on the chubby side.

    I see a million opportunities to tell him what I want and how I feel, instead of stuffing it down – partly because I’m not super attracted to him and so not afraid of being rejected. if he disappears tomorrow I’d be sad, but I believe I could pick myself up and walk away.

    The ‘boring” comment was I think half joking. he wanted me to say something raunchy, but that is really what I’d like! monogamy!

    and the little bit i have practiced with him, well, he seemed receptive to listen. now the next part is sticking to my boundaries and tossing his ass out if he can’t listen.

    also i haven’t been w a guy in ages, and i could use some practice in that way too – hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:40pm

  323. 323: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg this Brad Yates tapping on identity from the Tapping Summit is hella freakin workin for me!

    im doing just by numbers and takin it down notch by notch and ive already cleared some stuff that feels MAJOR for me

    like the identity i had that im not a person who stands up as well for myself, the way id o for others

    yeah right!

    HA i DO!

    and i AM

    i feel so delighted and loved (by ME!!) and worthy and honorfull!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:45pm

  324. 324: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Radlove))))) big things are moving for us babe!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:47pm

  325. 325: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    #TeamHealLoneliness :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:48pm

  326. 326: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – i would also tap on my insecurities about what i don’t feel comfortable with in my body

    that may go a long way along with the Outside in work of grooming and shaping

    wihout the inner work, its possible to develop NEw fixations to focus on

    i remember covering my arm hair in 8th grade, to the point that i would sit with my hands on my forearms, and pretend i had a tummy ache at PE

    on the last day of school i saw the popular girl had more and darker arm hair than me… and my insecurity vanished!

    there were others that came to replace them… im still healing the ‘my butt is too small one’

    (its not now, but no matter what ppl say, that belief is still holdign on)

    I want to groom myself more too! I LOVE poofy nani hair,

    i’td feel good to have it trimmed when i want it and the bottom stuff waxed.

    PS – i really recommend using the lunar chart for when to take off hair

    i didn’t with laser, and i got MORE hair on the inside of my thighs and near my booty than before!

    Not what i was going for. on the other hand, following the chart has led to a huge reduction in the amount and speed of my leg hair growth with shaving

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 5:55pm

  327. 327: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I looove brad yates! I belong to his tappers club.

    I’m leaning back like crazy. Guy who loves me sent an email about leonard cohen to me first thing this morning. He knows I love cohen. That felt nice to receive.

    Chatting with a bunch of guys and have 2 dates lined up for the next week. And I’m having a housewarming party. I’d been waiting to rent my place out so I could move in with guy who loves me. Guess it’s time to celebrate staying my place! (For now…)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:04pm

  328. 328: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Congrats, radlove!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:06pm

  329. 329: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    I haven’t laughed this loud in I don’t know how long! lololololol 😀

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:08pm

  330. 330: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “it seems none of her business what he was doing during the time he was
    single…(as in the story)”

    Of course if a man is single (not committed) that’s a whole other story…

    Rori generally advocates sexual exclusivity (unless a woman doesn’t care about that, but clearly this woman did care).

    I just wouldn’t want to be in a committed relationship with a man who has sex with other women during times of conflict. That’s just me though. Everyone can choose what kind of relationship they want. I just feel better with men who deal with conflict differently than that.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:10pm

  331. 331: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg! im feeling so joyful!

    ijust created my identity as joyful

    i already did have that as my identitiy some and nwo it feels even more phowerful

    its my dad’s birthday woo hoo


    i cleared my identity as not someone appreciated by my family,

    not good w money,

    and also that one i mentioned bout not standing up for myself as well as for others

    it feels so lovely!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:15pm

  332. 332: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, congratulations on the job!!!! I haven’t found your post about it yet, but I’ve read lots of congratulations. :)


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:15pm

  333. 333: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – i didnt get that this was ‘a time of conflict’

    i got that “they were not together or committed at this time”

    personally *I* would like to feel comfortable myself to consider myself not committed at such a time

    i wouldnt want my partner to judge me for dating and having sex during that time that i have no agreement of exclusivity with them

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:17pm

  334. 334: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I guess ‘when we weren’t talking’ triggered me differently than Lucy

    it doesn’t seem that the two above have discussed and agreed on exclusivity

    so really the guy could very well engage in sex with other women even when they ARE talking!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:20pm

  335. 335: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    OMG!!! I found it! RADLOVE!!!

    I had read about your interview and I’ve been here looking all over for the news!
    I read all the congrats, but I was searching like crazy to see the original news straight from you!
    It’s such a joy to read!!!

    You held on to your selfworth and got the best paying one eeeever!!!


    I feel such JOY reading about your success Radlove! :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:21pm

  336. 336: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I had looked through his emails and saw that he contacted a massage therapist in hopes of a happy ending when we weren’t talking.”

    In my experience, “when we weren’t talking” usually refers to a time of “conflict.”

    The whole situation sounded to me like they were in a committed relationship.

    I guess it would be helpful to know for sure what they had decided together and committed to. Otherwise we are all just guessing or basing it on our own interpretations of the words used.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:22pm

  337. 337: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, what do you think? Should I take off the feature on POF which says not to show I viewed their profile and let Mr. Observant know I viewed his profile or should I just wait and see what happens at my party on Sat.

    Is it weird or do I let him know I saw him and I’m also on POF without really saying anything? I guess that’s basically my question.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:22pm

  338. 338: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sure, if there’s no agreement to exclusivity, either one of them can have sex with someone else- even if they are married.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:23pm

  339. 339: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Aw Jilly, I love this:

    “Lucy..I agree…I want monogamy and it feels warm, soft, comforting and safe to
    me. Feels like home. I am living the relationship of my dreams right now, it
    feels magical like a fairy tale :)”

    So happy to hear about your fairy tale!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:26pm

  340. 340: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @257 Love Actually

    Your FM feels nice to me.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:29pm

  341. 341: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @262 Daria

    I will never again date a man who is waiting until marriage for sex. That is what my ex-husband told me, but it was a big fat lie. He was really gay and didn’t want to be found out.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:34pm

  342. 342: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    Thank you so much for your encouragement.
    It has helped me such a great deal on here throughout my growth.
    I feel the love and joy beaming out of me!
    That has been the dominant feeling in me lasting for 2.5 months now…even after a 2-year relationship ended in a bad way…even before reuniting.
    That wonderful feeling is coming from within me.

    That’s what the vibe is! I got it! and more and more people are wanting to be around me!

    I feel so loved, appreciated and cherished…not only by a man, but by myself and by my friends, even by my coworkers.

    Dominique, I’m finally getting the body connection thing too!
    My body has been feeling so light and energetic!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:43pm

  343. 343: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @317 Blue Rose

    Ahh…I get it! :)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:46pm

  344. 344: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I re-posted and revised my POF profile last night using Daria’s suggestions from last week. I selected that I want to date, but nothing serious. I have gotten seven men who want to “meet” me, and not a single message! I feel surprised and bummed!

    Most of those men who want to “meet” me have selected “I want to be in a relationship.” Have I set myself up to be matched on POF to the wrong crowd (i.e. men who are really just looking for casual sex but won’t solicit intimate encounters)? I feel confused.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:53pm

  345. 345: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Huge confession: after 2 years I finally agreed to teach HAman. He’s been wanting it but I didn’t have my studio set up. Then we got involved and then the mess of feelings so I said no. Anyway, I always feel like I doing it (as in teaching him) when I hear him play. So I decided to do it coz I feel I can handle it… I suppose.

    I feel a bit nervous, but I’m sure once I get going it will be fine.

    Thing is – I don’t know what I want with him right now If he is never going to step up then there’s no point. I feel bored. I only needed someone to kiss and hug me every now and then to take the pressure off having no one :( But I also feel eager to have him out of my life like that will open up the possibility of someone new/ love coming in.

    For a man who never asked me out on the weekend, it’s way too much for him to expect me to even want let alone initiate anything with him.

    I felt insecure and icky. I feel like he is some kind of idiot… wanting to have his cake and eat it too. Yikes!

    He will pay me for my classes and when he’s done, I will gently usher him out. No making out with me, after all I don’t make out with my students. And honestly I don’t feel good about it. I know Rori talks about switching hats, but I just don’t feel good.

    Perhaps, I’m being closed off. My experience is I don’t feel good about a man who doesn’t ask me out on the weekends. It shows that he is not that into me or could be having someone else. Why would I bother to lean forward or initiate anything. What is there to give back if I’m not being watered in a way that feels good and secure to me.

    What an idiot. I feel so ickified by him.

    Good riddance!

    I feel selfish and don’t want to share my talent with him. I want to heal this.

    Feeling sad…

    Feeling bad…

    Feeling like a loser for having this going on so long…

    Babysteps along the way…

    Feeling mad…

    I love myself.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:53pm

  346. 346: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Receiving girl…336…omg am i gay? I want to wait for my husband…makes the sex hotter and i find it so painful to negotiate are we f***friends?
    Are we lovers?
    Is there a difference?
    Am I getting used for sex?
    Am I using him for sex?
    Why do I feel so possessive when we are just “seeing” each other?
    Why can my head tell me that everything is cool, sex is just nothing and doesnt mean anything when my heart tells me that I want to be made love to?
    gosh i sound sappy…lol

    How do you guys deal with all this stuff?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 6:59pm

  347. 347: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Heres a hint for computer users….If you press control and “f” then a search bar comes up at the top of your computer and you can search your favorites sirens posts of the day….like type in daria and it will say 1 out of 10 or something and then press up and down and the comp. will jump to her name!
    In case, you guys dont know…if you do already, lol ignore my post….

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:05pm

  348. 348: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    I love your honest deep processing!

    That’s the way I got to feeling more and more comfortable with myself and beautiful.

    I got to the point where I just said to myself “heck, we’re all f’n human! so f it!”

    I used to be so uptight with my body, and I’d found exactly what you said about myself:

    “There are some things about my body that I don’t like, and I realize that I’ve been shutting down sexually because I don’t like them. I falsely require full emotional commitment and security from a man, not so that i can feel safe to sleep with him, but feel safe to know he won’t dump me because i’ve got some major imperfections going on with my body. It’s not ACTUALLY about the sex.”

    That is exactly why I was so uptight about s3x.

    With D, that uptightness all went out the window.

    I was b’ck nak3d once, standing up, I commented looking at my yony “fascinating how it’s starting to sag with age”.
    He was staring at me with this wide grin face lit up like a xmas tree like I’m the most beautiful gift he ever saw and said “I’ve never ever had a gf who is so comfortable with her body and not afraid to show all of it, what a turn on!”

    So I feel pretty good seeing you on this track sister siren!
    We change and enhance what we can, but what we cannot: accept it and love it. That is so attractive, and it feels so freeing and peaceful.

    The ‘safeness’ I find I need now to have s3x, is about me feeling safe with myself that I will be OK and know how to take care of myself whatever the outcome.
    If it doesn’t feel good, then it means to me that I am emotionally vulnerable, I know myself and where I’m at at the moment, I know I won’t be up to handling emotional turmoil…so I pass.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:11pm

  349. 349: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Than You so much Jessie! :)

    I’ve been secretly wishing for a way to search through the thread…like I was reading forever trying to get to Radlove’s news earlier.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:15pm

  350. 350: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Daria today is my fathers birthday too. We just finished partying.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:15pm

  351. 351: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Haha…nevermind, Mr. Observant just added me as a Favorite :) And he messaged me “see you on Saturday!” I replied, “Hey, yes, see you on Saturday! LOL I like being a favorite.” Then, I added him as a favorite.

    Jessie – No, I just had a pretty bad experience and cannot trust a man who is waiting for marriage. My baggage :(

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:22pm

  352. 352: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    322 – Yes! Thanks!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:24pm

  353. 353: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Song and Lucy,

    Thank you! Lucy, my job is a skip and a hop from your house!!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:28pm

  354. 354: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl…SOunds awful but isnt it better to break up cause he likes men than because he didnt like you?

    My second husband flat out told me he didnt like me.

    Then he told me was going to take his son (3 months old) and give him to his mother to raise in the MIddle East because i would never be able to raise his son the way HE likes….what a dou*** bag….NOT EVEN A LOL possible situation

    I pictured doing evil and violent things to him.

    I just woke up the next day, went to my lawyer, filed for divorce and custody…got it immediately and kicked his ass out….done within a few days.

    LOL five years later this guy asked to take my son to his brothers wedding in NY and would please give him permission to get a passport for his bro.s wedding and please dont play any games???!!!

    I told him….Bitch please….dream on….the nerve eh?

    Not saying my bad experience equals your bad experience but somehow I find a perverse pleasure in hearing that Im not the only one that has been tricked, fooled, lied to or used for some reason cause i think i dont feel so alone

    Im so sorry that happened to you recieving girl….I hope you are happy now and wow, that would have broke my heart!


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:30pm

  355. 355: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    349 = Searching the thread:

    Press Control + F

    Type your search word

    Click the up or down arrow

    Search away!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:30pm

  356. 356: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl…SOunds awful but isnt it better to break up cause he likes men than because he didnt like you?

    My second husband flat out told me he didnt like me.

    Then he told me was going to take his son (3 months old) and give him to his mother to raise in the MIddle East because i would never be able to raise his son the way HE likes….what a dou*** bag….NOT EVEN A LOL possible situation

    I pictured doing awful things to him.

    I just woke up the next day, went to my lawyer, filed for divorce and custody…got it immediately and kicked his a** out….done within a few days.

    LOL five years later this guy asked to take my son to his brothers wedding in NY and would please give him permission to get a passport for his bro.s wedding and please dont play any games???!!!

    I told him….Bi*** please….dream on….the nerve eh?

    Not saying my bad experience equals your bad experience but somehow I find a perverse pleasure in hearing that Im not the only one that has been tricked, fooled, lied to or used for some reason cause i think i dont feel so alone

    Im so sorry that happened to you recieving girl….I hope you are happy now and wow, that would have broke my heart!


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:31pm

  357. 357: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    347 – Oops, I see I just gave repeat on doing searches.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:31pm

  358. 358: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    355 – How sad! I have heard of several situations where men from the Middle East used women to get a green card and to bear children, who would then have US citizenship, and then took the children to raise them in the Middle East. This is not an isolated case.

    In particular, we were acquainted with such a family with 5 children. Their mother was broken hearted. She would probably never see her children again. These same people owned a restaurant. My friend was in the restaurant the morning of the 9-1-1 attacks. When the restaurant staff saw the plane hit the building, a cheer went up from the kitchen.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:38pm

  359. 359: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, wow, that’s great that your job is near me!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:41pm

  360. 360: RadloveNo Gravatar says:



    I feel such JOY reading about your success Radlove! ”

    LOL! Partyyy! Thanks so much! That makes me feel happy!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:41pm

  361. 361: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie – Yes, it would have been if he had. I found out on my own after I did some investigating because my husband wasn’t interested in having sex with his wife. He was actually bragging to other gay men online as to how he “pulled the wool over my eyes”. It was disgusting really.

    Sorry to hear about your story too. Both of them are not nice things to go through.

    I have to say, I felt every emotion in the book all at the same time. We had a 400 guest wedding, was given tons of gifts, people didn’t know what to say or think, I couldn’t return any of the gifts (judges orders) and throughout the whole thing, he never even admitted to it. Told people bad things about me, etc. I couldn’t even show it in the court papers. I wanted to in case he tried this with another woman, but no such luck.

    It really sucks when people are outright deceptive!

    Hugs to you!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:41pm

  362. 362: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I start June 29th, so that gives me about two weeks to get organized and prepared. I want to color my hair, get my eyebrows waxed, get a pedicure, polish my shoes, and get more on fruits and vegetables to hopefully generate some more energy. I want to start going to bed earlier and waking up earlier. It will be a challenging commute, 1 hr 15 min each way. It isn’t ideal, but maybe I can find a shortcut.

    I have a lot of goals for my home, too, and I hope to take a lot of things either to Goodwill or to yard sale. I could go on, but I’m still formulating my priorities for the next two weeks. I wish I could afford a little mini vacation. With the new job, I may not have a vacation for a long time to come.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:47pm

  363. 363: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    249 – I just used my quote you posted with a man!!

    I was in touch with CO months ago. He just looked me up again a couple nights ago. We still haven’t met. He just told me he was dating a woman but she wanted to sleep with him. He told me he couldn’t unless he wants to belong to that person.

    So I wrote back with that quote, saying I feel the same way! Thank you so much!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:54pm

  364. 364: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel overwhelmed at all the love I feel on here today! Thank you all so much for caring about me!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 7:55pm

  365. 365: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    He just wrote, “BEAUTIFUL RADLOVE” in the subject line of his email!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:01pm

  366. 366: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    How can you reach a man’s heart if he’s not looking for love?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:02pm

  367. 367: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:12pm

  368. 368: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:


    #362: I feel warm and fuzzy reading this. You are welcome! :-)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:13pm

  369. 369: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Love Always,

    I feel curious…why do you want to reach a man’s heart who is not looking for love?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:14pm

  370. 370: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    radlove – Congrats on the new job!

    Do you begin may 29 or june 29?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:29pm

  371. 371: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    CO just emailed me, “I’ don’t have a man already,you are a very loving and compassionate woman.”

    Today is my day! This came out of the blue. I had long since given up on him after he never followed through on meeting me.

    This really helps my self esteem. It really took a blow with R.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:30pm

  372. 372: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder why canned green beans taste so much better than frozen, cooked green beans?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:52pm

  373. 373: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh, congrats Radlove! I can hear the excitement and happiness in your posts.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:54pm

  374. 374: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Very happy to hear about your job Radlove! All the best!! Hoping this is a wonderful fresh start for you!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:54pm

  375. 375: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl and Curvy Siren,

    Thank you! It already is a wonderful fresh start, yes! I am not going to be trapped in the patterns my life has set for me.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 8:56pm

  376. 376: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:


    #371: Salt. Unless you got the no sodium added cans of beans, I bet the sodium content is higher than in a package of frozen beans. Salt does enhance the flavor of so many things so very well!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:05pm

  377. 377: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    back from car shopping with Alaska — it was a total bust.
    I got to see Alaska’s house and I really enjoyed myself there. I felt super relaxed there and in his company… I like how much HE relaxed in his own home… it’s nice to see a more relaxed side of him. He was very sweet to me, thank you Alaska.

    I found myself actually feeling turned on by him! Wow!

    Feeling grateful to still be ‘alive’ in that way, haha.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:15pm

  378. 378: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    But I salt the frozen ones after I cook them. Maybe it’s because they are more tender. I usually leave them a little crunchier. But the flavor itself seems better.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:16pm

  379. 379: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    Yay! What is the definition of it was a total bust?

    Clearly you had a good time, but beyond that, does it carry a certain meaning?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:20pm

  380. 380: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee, thank you for your post to me:)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:22pm

  381. 381: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I had an appointment with a specific salesperson to look at a specific car. But when I got there, he wasn’t there. I had even called his manager before we got there to let them know I was running a few minutes late but was almost there, and he said it’s okay, he knows you’re coming but I’ll text him to let him know you’re on your way. But yeah, he actually wasn’t there. So we sat down with a different salesman, who told me the car I wanted had been sold and was just waiting for the new owner to come back with the rest of the payment! It was sold even before I made an appointment to see it specifically!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:38pm

  382. 382: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    omg seriously, they posted an ad for it at 3:15 today on craigslist even though it was sold yesterday. they need to communicate with each other better.

    They even called the guy who bought the car I want, to double check that he would come back to pay the rest, right in front of me. This car is so hard to find… I hope he decides not to buy it and they call me telling me he fell through.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:41pm

  383. 383: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I found a laser place that works great. It’ll never work on my ‘down there hair’ because it’s completely red/blond, which the last laser place i went to didn’t bother telling me! I paid soooo much money to them to do something that just hurt and removed no hair.

    The hair that grows in places it shouldn’t on my body is jet black, though. It’s not jet black anywhere else… it’s barely even brown. Soooo weird.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:50pm

  384. 384: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    It feels very very good to talk about this stuff with other people. This is my “deep dark secret” that I hide at all costs, like it were a murder or something! I feel like having excess body hair makes me as weird and undesirable as a murderer, seriously! Like if my guy found out, he would feel disappointed about committing to a hairy gross woman. That feels awful to think about. And its a lot of pressure and I’ve never been able to have a normal sex life because of it.

    I wonder why it took so long for me to be honest with myself about why i was turning down/avoiding sex.

    i want to have lots of glorious sex when i feel like it. i don’t want to have to run to the bathroom with a razor i keep in my purse at all times so i can make sure there aren’t any hairs that decided to appear since I got dressed for the day. I want to be able to just strip and go for it. I feel angry that I haven’t been able to have this.


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 9:57pm

  385. 385: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – whoa no wonder our father’s tempers seemed similar to me

    Happy Birthday to him.

    It felt nice here too. we leaned back and he took us out to dinner and searched out restaurants i felt smily

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:33pm

  386. 386: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im making HUGE cognitive shifts in my thoughts about my godsister . i no longer feel nauseaus and terrified.

    High 5 Daria

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:36pm

  387. 387: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – that feels triggering. Im judging your words as racist (and furthermore ‘bad’).


    I wonder what this showed up for me to heal

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:43pm

  388. 388: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – i heard the us army dropped bombs and people in the middle east died. then the americans dropping bombs cheered!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:44pm

  389. 389: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – yes, you are shooting youreself in the foot… i would check all categories including and especially looking for relationship

    also, make sure you’re using your most glamorous photos… not the most ‘interesting’ that show fun facets of you covered with mud hiking or something…

    but the most professional and glamorous

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:47pm

  390. 390: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry for arguing Lucy and Radlove

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:54pm

  391. 391: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry and a touch of hoplessness, oh no, sadness around the ‘vioelnt cultural clash’ comment

    its only a TOUCH of i thoguh… like a whisper of what it ‘usually’ used to be

    this tapping ive been doing feels solid in shifting my way of being

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:56pm

  392. 392: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok i still feel sad :(

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 10:57pm

  393. 393: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    it is not ok to talk to ‘these people’ about that

    beliefs and voices coming up

    keep that in the family

    you can get gov-napped an impriznd

    dont talk to other poeple

    kckin in the door w the boots and the guns and dragging u away

    is that wat u want

    mind spins away now

    I want to heal this… and i will!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:00pm

  394. 394: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am SUCH an AMAZING person!

    i feel so interested in myself!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:03pm

  395. 395: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    I can SO relate to what you are saying about job interviews vs dating sites.

    Maybe because we both have more confidence in our employment skills than in our man skills?

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:13pm

  396. 396: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    387 – Daria I am with you on this post. I feel really angry at reading that about Middle Easterns. I have seen just as plenty of disrespect on the other side. Oooh I feel livid and beside myself! Hot molten lava enfusing my entire flesh! Why did I come on the blog tonight!?


    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:32pm

  397. 397: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I was just contacted on POF by a man saying he liked my profile and I seemed kind and feminine :) when I clicked on his profile he was dressed as a woman with a long blonde wig on!!

    I am sure I didn’t ask the Universe to send me cross dressers. 😉

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:36pm

  398. 398: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    Down with labeling, down with painting people with one broad stroke brush, down with pigeon holing a whole group of people.

    I choose to see past negative stories of individuals
    I choose to look beyond the categorization of a whole group of people.

    We are all human, we love, we laugh, we cry…I replace these stories of Middle Eastern people cheering at the demise of people by looking at my ME neighbors across the street, always warm, inviting, hospitable with a house full of food sharing with others even when they don’t have much.

    I feel protective of them

    I feel defensive of their hearts

    (((HUMAN RACE)))

    It is okay, NVs. Here’s a cookie.

    Yes NVs, everyone deserves hugs and love and I honor your desire to experience that for all of us.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:40pm

  399. 399: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #344 Brandylion

    “Most of those men who want to “meet” me have selected “I want to be in a relationship.” Have I set myself up to be matched on POF to the wrong crowd (i.e. men who are really just looking for casual sex but won’t solicit intimate encounters)? I feel confused.”

    IMO this is a pretty useless feature on POF, it is the part where there is a picture shown and the man (or woman) has 3 options

    Would you like to meet Brandylion?


    That’s all. I have been on and off the dating sites for some time now, I just keep shutting down my profile and re-opening it. I have over 400 meet me’s yet as far as I know not one of these men have contacted me (but you can only see 50 of them unless you pay.) Another feature is favourites, I have had a lot of men make me a favourite yet none of them have ever contacted me either!!!

    Go figure, I think it’s just like a game to some men………and women.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:41pm

  400. 400: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    Taking care of myself and going to bed now…

    I feel triggered at being triggered

    Eff you triggers no, I don’t love you.

    I hate being triggered.

    I feel great saying that and I love my hate for triggers. Stupid trigger I hate you and I kick you in the shins a thousand times and feel great doing it and.

    Now I feel great walking away. Thank you trigger…I still don’t like you.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:46pm

  401. 401: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    396 Silvermoon LOL~!!!

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:53pm

  402. 402: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Started kickboxing tonight! It was super fun and I was dripping at the end of the class. Then, went to the gym and did shoulders with my Beau…OMG such a good work out.

    Training again has changed my vibe. I feel less dependant and Im sure that it is a cozy gym with lots of chances to meet other people.

    I feel more focused on me and less on my singleness.

    Tonight I could feel my vibe change with my Beau. I had more energy and adrenaline at the gym. I joked alot more and showed off doing more weights than usual instead of being all dragged out and down

    Then when I got home, the Beau texted and said a couple of times that I looked cute and was sparkling tonight….which I was but from the inside.

    The club is only 85.00 a month for 6 days of classes.
    I used to spend that and more on drinking beer and feeling sorry for myself lol less than a year ago.

    I cant believe how good being with a sober guy (he never drinks and didnt since he was 16) feels and how much soberness makes me feel proud as a mother. I was worried that at my last conference I wouldnt have any fun if I didnt drink but it was the opposite…I was fresh and sunny in the mornings when everyone else was dragged out and hungover.

    I wonder if there is anything to look forward to if you dont want to get married or live with a guy?
    What culminates the commitment?
    A ring and no wedding?
    A new car?
    We cant buy a house cause i dont want my kids to ever know anyone I ever go out with again
    Can anyone think of a happy ending where a commitment is made and it doesnt mean I have to have a man physically invade my space (literally and figuratively?)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:54pm

  403. 403: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Radiant Rising))))

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:55pm

  404. 404: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    380 Starla sounds like bait and switch to me….perhaps “the car” was never there to begin with….

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:56pm

  405. 405: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie – i would think its your fears running you that you dont want a relationship where you live with a man. I would CHOOSE to heal that and allow myself to believe something wonderful is possible for me and want it

    there is of course, the possibility of dating and living apart and just having a romance where you see each other regularly

    that might feel fulfilling for a few people (i recall Rori talking about how this might work for people late in life, thinking late 70s and 80s here)

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:58pm

  406. 406: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for the hugs. I feel heard, loved and cared for. Good night.

    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 @ 11:59pm

  407. 407: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious about a guy starting to like me while observing me in my boy energy because we met while I’m at work!

    I do make a conscious effort to switch to fem as much as possible when I talk to him one on one and tell him feeling messages and waterwheeling and let him do stuff for me… :-) He is super sweet!!!

    And then I noticed something!!! All of a sudden all these guys around me started trying to do stuff for me too! It’s contagious and funny and cute (((men)))

    I have imagined thaty perhaps when they see me openly receiving in feminine energy, they think to themselves “aw look that woman is willing to receive! How exciting I want to give to her too! Look what I can give to you beautiful woman!”

    Oh and the guy that is crushing on me called me beautiful!! Awww so sweet!!!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:02am

  408. 408: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm I feel curious about him liking me in my boy energy and then also liking me in my girl energy…for example if we were dating would he still like me if I was not so “boy” outside of work? Or is that what he is drawn to?

    I hope I can find out. I KNOW he likes me but he has not made a move…prob cuz the whole work related thing…but I have a feeling he will!!!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:06am

  409. 409: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I find men like me in boy energy IF its not directed towards them

    it comes out more like “passion” and “passion stories”

    it STILL gets disconnected for me though sometimes if im creating and working and

    i forget about him or include him or get distracted from him

    then i have to ease into girl energy again – its ME that feels different!

    and from me it can pop off the whole domino if i turn the boy energy towards him or towards “what happens next right now on the date”


    i am getting a ‘glimmer’ of awareness this pattern in myself

    esp the ‘what are we going to do next”

    my boy energy shoots in there and gets me feeling all tight and anxious


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:20am

  410. 410: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Wait – hang on. ReceivingGirl, did I read this right? (#38):

    “I have this problem. I’ve been eating healthy since last Oct.”…

    Ummm…excuse me, what’s the problem? lol. You’ve been eating healthy! That’s a great thing!! The fact that your body is getting sick after binging on crappy food is not telling you that there is something wrong with your eating habits. Your body is telling you that it doesn’t like junky food anymore!

    So my suggestion is a middle-road type of way. When you go to a party, if you feel like eating some chips or munchies, just keep it to a small amount. And mix it with some healthy stuff, like veggies. Just don’t go overboard. Listen to your body.

    Eating healthy is NOT a problem!!!

    lol :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:28am

  411. 411: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Wait – hang on. ReceivingGirl, did I read this right? (#38):

    “I have this problem. I’ve been eating healthy since last Oct.”…

    Ummm…excuse me, what’s the problem? lol. You’ve been eating healthy! That’s a great thing!! The fact that your body is getting sick after binging on crappy food is not telling you that there is something wrong with your eating habits. Your body is telling you that it doesn’t like junky food anymore!

    So my suggestion is a middle-road type of way. When you go to a party, if you feel like eating some chips or munchies, just keep it to a small amount. And mix it with some healthy stuff, like veggies. Just don’t go overboard. Listen to your body.

    Eating healthy is NOT a problem!!!

    lol :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:28am

  412. 412: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    oops – double post.

    And p.s. drink lots of water! It helps with digestion : )

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:31am

  413. 413: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    emerson – yay! I feel smiley reading your posts. :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:33am

  414. 414: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I JUST REALIZED THAT THE “AT HOME” feeling with Guywho came from ME and that i likely will experience that feeling even more with ANYONE i get close to!


    this whole time i thought i was tasting his energy!

    and iw as tasting ‘Darian intimacy’

    facilitated by him

    i can choose that feeling anytime now!

    omg it felt so deeply restful and refreshing

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:37am

  415. 415: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – 195: I think you’re right! A man’s scent (i.e. his natural body smell, even when – or especially when – he’s sweating) can be a total turn-on. But if it smells “bad” then that seems to indicate that something doesn’t match up….Here’s to hoping that you find another pleasant-smelling man! : )

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:37am

  416. 416: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    tapping on “hes the ONLY one the only only only one”


    i might edit this to a 2 min or so clip to share with the sirens

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:38am

  417. 417: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Tiffany! :-) I feel happy seeing your name!!

    Daria I like what you said here!!! It clarifies for me….
    “I find men like me in boy energy IF its not directed towards them
    it comes out more like “passion” and “passion stories” ”

    Yes, it’s not directed at him in particular…good point!! But..when I was interacting with him one on one I may have been in boy energy at first when I was not aware that he like me but now I’m so aware and I’m “encouraging” it by switching to girl energy (most of the time) and he’s so dreamy on me it’s adorable!

    He’s not “conventionally” cute but he is handsome and I find myself attracted to his attentive nature toward me and attracted to how sweet he is!! I actually caught myself daydreaming about him on my way home like we were getting intimate OMG!!!
    Lately my energy has been so transparent, maybe he will sense this! I kinda hope so hee hee!!!

    Part of my energy that feels “boy” is asking for help like “Can you please help so and so with this or help me with this??” And he literally JUMPS at the chance to help me!!

    Hmm it maybe just expressing need for help and really is “girl”….

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:41am

  418. 418: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I had to kind of avoid him for a while today because I was feeling turned on 😀

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:45am

  419. 419: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    413 Daria OMG that is amazing! I love that!
    I am going to remind myself of that too!!!

    I’ve experienced that “at home” feeling as well…with Recycled and with one or two men…and it felt so special but you’re right it comes from ME!! That feels so exciting to realized. Yay

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:48am

  420. 420: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve still been procrastinating on doing any tapping lately. I want to though.

    I want to tap about sexual energy and fear of intimacy to free up myself to have beautiful trusting intimacy with someone! Wow that sounds so fun. I want it. It would feel so amazing to have that with someone and share that moment. I am feeling a strong desire for this!!!!!

    Super scary for me and profound!!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:55am

  421. 421: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    This new guy has me all dreamy and feeling weird!!! He’s soo attentive like way more than REcycled…even though Recycled was that way from time to time….

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:57am

  422. 422: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I am choosing not to listen to NVs right now

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:57am

  423. 423: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Could I have some help please?

    Just to remind you of the situation for context – last week, after MWC had a drink… and he wasn’t drunk but I left because I felt uncomfortable, and then we talked and I said I felt weird because we had an agreement that I would be exclusive IF he would see someone.

    He has seemed really up for seeing someone but during that talk it came out that he was worried he could not afford it.

    I kinda said ok and the thing is that I feel pretty firm on that part of the agreement. I don’t mind not going on expensive dates. It would feel better to me for this to get addressed.

    Following that the next day he contacted a counselling and addiction service with a good reputation and he worked his finances and said he was able to put enough money aside at least for the initial appointment.

    That was last week and he said he was waiting to hear back from the lady re appointment.

    The problem is it is now a week later, the appointment that was offered is tomorrow, and I have heard nothing more about it.

    I don’t know but I don’t think he is going…

    I feel quite panicky.

    I feel unsure what to do or how to address this.

    I feel like I am constantly bringing up this issue, and of course I am attached to an outcome because I have a boundary that if we are exlcusive he would address this and that would include seeing someone.

    So do I bring this up again and ask him if he is going?

    Isn’t that asking the innocent question?

    Or do I leave it and then if he doesn’t go what? Withdraw?

    That doesn’t feel so good either. We are due to go to my friend’s wedding next week.

    But, we made this agreement, he wanted it… not just me… I have been exclusive and stopped dating… but time is going by and he has not been to see someone.

    I don’t know what to do.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:24am

  424. 424: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    ‘I am feeling a little bit panicky because I am aware that the appointment that was offered in Brighton is tomorrow and I have not heard anymore about it.

    I just wondered if you are still planning to go?’

    Space for answer.

    Stay put or move back depending on how I feel about response.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:29am

  425. 425: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Ella ,

    He is just doing what he is doing, or not.
    You cant change who he his .

    You can change YOU . You can accept or reject behaviors he shows you by continuing or not in the relationship.

    It just feels bad to read that you are requiring him to attend a counselor in order to justify being exclusive.

    He knows what you have discussed. He knows what you “require “. He can be dragged kicking and screaming to a counselor , but that is not the issue. This issue is whether he loves himself enough to deal with his problems.

    He cant be exclusive with you while he has a current primary relationship with a substance. You do know this.

    Its like you were dating a married man. He needs to give up his relationship with alcohol of his own accord , and by his own determination and motivation . If he wishes to do this now , he will.

    What you do about YOU in the meantime is very important.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:34am

  426. 426: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel sad. i love my sadness


    its ok to feel sad, its ok to BE sad

    and its ok to FEEL the sadness

    its ok to feel afraid of being engulfed

    i love my fear of being engulfed

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:30am

  427. 427: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – I agree, there seems to be no healthy reason to be exclusive with this guy right now

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:31am

  428. 428: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    that is just a judgement though

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:32am

  429. 429: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feels uncomfortable to me to read about it

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:33am

  430. 430: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:35am

  431. 431: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella the boundary is for yourself not for him. The way you put it reads like an ultimatum, to me, and waiting for the shoe to drop. If it was for you maybe your energy could be focussed toward discussing how the session went and maybe how he felt about the persons competence and what kind of financial assistance they might be offering or payment plan they were able to work out?

    Because of hormonal imbalances a man who is addicted to anything cannot commit. I learned that from Dr. Paul. If I remember correctly it is connected to the hormone vasopressin (spelling).

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:37am

  432. 432: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    what feeling is under “oh no what are you doing???”


    i feel panicked an


    an scared

    and judgemental

    i would like to heal this

    freaked out

    oh im feeling really uncomfortable reading about the dynamics in this situation

    it feels icky and i feel disappointed and sad reading about my heroine

    and this situation

    i feel guilty writing that

    i feel exhasperated with myself

    i feel hangy head

    i efelsmily


    i love my hangy head

    it really all still feels like it will be ok

    this feels icky tho

    itd feel so great for this part of the plot to be over already

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:38am

  433. 433: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla about the body hair insecurities, have you considered experimenting with it in your dating of men you don’t like? I am thinking it might be a topic that could make a man experience you as mysterious and intriguing if you use it to build his curiosity. This is something unique about you that a man could very well be very interested in. Who knows he might even be willing to help you get rid of it so he could feel the smooth baby soft skin underneath.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:14am

  434. 434: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 370 Radlove to comments like that, I am prone to say “Thanks. I feel confident about that and know the man who gets me will wake up each day feeling like the luckiest man alive. I know I have a lot to offer to a relationship so I am taking my time”.

    Or something similar.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:20am

  435. 435: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I don’t understand why you say you have two weeks to do all that you listed here if you start on June 29th.

    Personally, I see it as a month and two weeks. :/

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:24am

  436. 436: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry Ella ,

    I do not want to sound judgmental , But I also feel anxious reading about the importance you are attaching to the appointment. I can feel your anxiety and hope that he will do as you request.

    The thing is , if he does or doesnt go is not actually about the relationship or about his feelings for you. Its about whether he is self driven and self motivated and ready to change his drinking.

    I trust that as a siren you are totally on the lookout for YOU , no matter what he does. Your happiness is up to you , your future is also up to you and whether you choose to have him in it or not is your decision and will not depend on manipulating or pressuring him to get an outcome that you want.

    Lean back . You have stated a boundary around drinking .(That it is unacceptable to you ) Enforce it as needed .(This means state it again and be prepared to move on. It doesnt mean pressuring him to go to addiction counsellors ..that is not boundary setting ..boundaries are about YOUR actions ) ..You know all this .. Be surprised.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:26am

  437. 437: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @409 Tiffany

    Eating healthy is not the problem! LOL The getting sick when I eat what I shouldn’t is. I know, this is the third time it’s happened and I need to watch what I consume at parties.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:55am

  438. 438: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank u Daria for putting me first

    Thank u for acknowledging my feelings…

    Thank u for EFT

    Thank u for brushing my hair before bed

    Thank u for stretching

    Thank you for keeping me up till i felt sleepy

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:01am

  439. 439: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Found it! I knew I’d kept that quote about sex confusing things:

    Light Heart wrote, “I want loyalty and commitment with and from the right guy, and the sex might very likely cloud the issue.”

    Now to file it more correctly in my Google docs so I don’t lose it again! :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:03am

  440. 440: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving girl I would take some apple coder vinegar in water before eating to neutralize foodstuff that could make me sick

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:03am

  441. 441: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    FW, good to know about vassopressin…one of my past cds and an ex were both addicts. It felt to hard and confusing to be with them.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:07am

  442. 442: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the suggestion Daria. I haven’t quite figured out if it’s the high carbs or the sugar. Maybe both. It’s probably the large amount of food too. I feel fine when I’m eating and don’t feel sick until I wake up in the middle of the night with stomach pains. I have a picky stomach to begin with. I will have to watch myself on Saturday at my party.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:09am

  443. 443: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, that is not a bad suggestion, though I would feel mortified if a guy said he wanted to help me get rid of it (so he could enjoy me better)!! f*ck that!! ahhhh i feel very triggered thinking about that. It still feels like my awful horrible secret.

    They’re also just sparse hairs… just in such a weird place that when they start to grow in, it’s obbbbvious

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:19am

  444. 444: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I woke up very cranky again.

    Now I’m thinking about THREE things when I wake up — CF, Alaska, and car buying.

    I’m really quite irritated:(
    I want to stay in bed all day:(

    I wish I could disappear from the world today! ahhhhhhhhh

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:21am

  445. 445: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    Do you have a link to Dr Paul? I tried googling him and got all kinds of Dr Paul this and Dr Paul that.

    Thank you.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:22am

  446. 446: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    438 Brandylion,

    I’m a bit behind on the blog but was someone looking for a no sex speach? I saved a great one that LD posted last year:

    “I am a healthy, passionate woman. I feel turned on by you. I WANT to have sex with you, but I don’t feel comfortable having sex outside of a committed relationship. I know it will complicate things for me emotionally, and I don’t feel I’m able to handle that yet. What do you think?”

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:28am

  447. 447: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    380 – That sucks! Thanks for explaining.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:31am

  448. 448: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    434 – Oops, I meant to say May. I start May 29th.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:32am

  449. 449: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    433 – ““Thanks. I feel confident about that and know the man who gets me will wake up each day feeling like the luckiest man alive. I know I have a lot to offer to a relationship so I am taking my time”.”

    Perfect feeling message! Thank you! What I did say in response to him was, “Thank you, I feel baffled by it too.”

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:38am

  450. 450: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Good Morning Sirens:

    I feel judgmental . . . the guys on the dating sight are all weak energy . . . I don’t feel anything positive or flowing . . . like they are all out to get something . . . this is an chance to heal. Let the waves flow and just carry me. I’m going to get deeper into the feeling . . . I think I’ve been triggered!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:45am

  451. 451: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I feel so intrigued by that info about vasopressin in addicts–doesn’t vasopressin work for men the same way oxytocin does for women, especially when it comes to sex? It makes sense that someone who has a chemical dependency will have harder time bonding to a person if their bonding hormone is messed up!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:47am

  452. 452: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Regarding the dating sites: I also find that exhausting…and has anyone noticed how much lying goes on there…I mean, one guy made himself 11 years younger. And stated he wanted a relationships, but on deeper conversation admitted that actually, he’d much rather just have fwb….eek. And that was not the only one…sometimes it is easy to think it’s a waste of time, bearly everybody lies about something, so far lots of age liars, people being couch potatoes and pretending they like the outdoors (once a year?). It’s quite exhausting.
    I have no need to lie about my age or my interests to make me more interesting, so I just don’t get it.
    What’s the point?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:50am

  453. 453: uliiNo Gravatar says:


    congratulations from me too! I feel so happy for you!!! :)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:59am

  454. 454: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    I need a little bit help with leaning back today.
    At least I need to write here instead of leaning forward… :)
    I decided I was way too available for NewZealandCD, being online all the time in skype. So whenever he signs in I’m already there and usually he is the one leaving first, as for the time difference, the night arrives earlier to where he is. And it leaves me feeling somewhat unsettled.
    Also, right now he’s on a trip with his ex, which irritates me quite a bit, as I don’t know their situation (fwb? only friends? still some feelings?) and I don’t want to be “the other woman” he is chatting with while in the same hotel room (and bed?) with her… He has also not answered my long overfunctioning e-mail from 2 days ago. Where I basically expressed the desire to go to him too eagerly. So I’m putting myself invisible mode in skype, and I see him online there (he has said, he uses it mostly to communicate with me only…)..and I feel he is there waiting for me to be online. But I’m choosing to lean back and not let him see me for a while. This is hard to do. As I miss greatly chatting with him… :(

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:13am

  455. 455: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! I did it. I didn’t put myself online and while I was writing here he has already signed off. So great for today. Tomorrow there’ll be a new challenge.

    Meanwhile… I have been going jogging almost every day and doing already 7-8km. I feel really good about that, and my body feels firmer & firmer.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:19am

  456. 456: LeoNo Gravatar says:

    Great article…
    I’ve done this to my men. There was a time where he wasnt able to do anything right. When we had a fight, he actually said so. This opened my eyes… cause it meant he truely does want to make me happy. And from this moment…everything changed. Every time our eyes met during the day, I just smiled. Which always made him make contact with me- give me a kiss, hug me or smile back. These things I like, so there were so many moments during the day, he did do things right. Then this whole “problem” changed… I was glad, I “worked it out”.

    Cheers, Leo

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:23am

  457. 457: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies,
    can I get some ideas for what to say now ?

    He has not come up with any options and I really don’t want to lean forward. This guy’s inaction is making me lose interest, but at least I am staying open and not closing off. I think there could be some potential

    Him: Do you want to get together Thursday eve then? Would it presumputous to ask if I could stay in your guest room that eve?

    Me: It would be nice to get together for a while on Thursday evening, but I feel uncomfortable with the staying over. Long distance can be a challenge, I know.

    Him:I understand. But I’m afraid about a 2 hour drive at night after I’ve been potentially drinking.

    Me: I understand. Perhaps we can figure out something else. I’m just a gal here, watching out for herself.

    Him: And I’m just a guy who really digs you, and wouldn’t do anything to deliberately screw it up.

    I haven’t responded to this and he has not called me.

    Now what?



    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:46am

  458. 458: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    451 Tam

    Hi Tam, regarding the dating sites,
    I am a bit disillusioned, too, but am content having fun with it. I’ve met some nice guys but there isn’t any real relationship momentum with any. I met a man who I want to be friends with. We’ve been communicating for weeks and we had a fantastic conversation on Monday. Maybe that is a good way to start. I have difficulties imagining myself in a full-fledged romantic relationship with a stranger after a couple of weeks, although I also know that anything can happen. In general, I now feel best getting to know someone’s character over a period of time.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:54am

  459. 459: HolliNo Gravatar says:

    You women are great! I am so jealous I just now found Rori! This is amazing, truely amazing!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:55am

  460. 460: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LH
    I think you’ve actually hit the nail on the head there. I now take my time getting to know guys too, and sure there are good ones out there. On occasion I had been so forgiving, as in ‘oh, he lied a little bit, we all do it etc’ but I do think it shows a streak of character when someone is pretending to be something they are not – and the only way to find out is to have conversations, activities, get to know them and not have it go to sexual too soon..and then the hormones blur the vision for a while – I found it works with me, but it is a very difficult thing to do.
    Lately I met the sweetest guy (not internet dating), a very sweet and gentle man….but he talked and talked and talked, and I found it made me so mad, that when he tried to be a little affectionate, i e hold my hand, I just felt like running a mile. He creeped me out. I am not sure whether it was just a mismatch intellectually, or whether nice guys creep me out (I sincerely hope not!!!!!). I just met so many players and insincere men in the last few years, perhaps it is what I like? That thought frightens me…there must be a good guy out there who is intellectually stimulating and whom I also fancy physically or is that hoping for too much?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:01am

  461. 461: TamNo Gravatar says:

    LH…about the guy not staying over, I feel he should have suggested staying at a Bed and Breakfast or hotel rather than imposing on you LH. He seems to be pushing it….not sure what I would respond, if anything…perhaps that you don’t feel comfortable..hmm

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:04am

  462. 462: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    458 Tam

    Tam, i know just what you mean about getting mad when they talk and talk and talk, and then feeling creeped out when they try to get affectionate, even if it seems like a nice guy. I try to give them benefit of the doubt, like maybe they are nervous or something…but….if they don’t show that they are interested in me, as a person, by asking some nice questions first, with sincere interest in getting to know who I am and what I’m about, then I too, get turned off by affectionate advances.

    Tam says: “I just met so many players and insincere men in the last few years, perhaps it is what I like? That thought frightens me…there must be a good guy out there who is intellectually stimulating and whom I also fancy physically or is that hoping for too much?”

    My thoughts…EXACTLY 😉
    Well, I want it all, and I can’t handle boring, but I am more willing than I ever was to stay open and give a wide variety of men a chance. Not saying I’m open to all of them, and I do have my little things that turn me off, but I’m OK with them for now.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:16am

  463. 463: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    Have you got LoveScripts?
    Rori talks specifically about the question of a man staying over at your house.

    If you haven’t got it I can have a look thru it and see if I can find the scripts. But I seem to remember she was cool with it.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:21am

  464. 464: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Hi April Rose,
    Thanks, don’t have Love Scripts, but if you feel like it and have the time, I’d appreciate any tips from there about it.
    I just don’t like the whole idea of him putting me on the spot, and not coming up with any alternatives. I am uncomfortable with the idea of having him stay over. That is just too much time together for a second date. and we have only had one phone call. Now that I’ve made my boundary clear to him, I don’t want to abandon myself or feel the need to repeat myself. I might feel differently after we’ve gone out some more, or if it happens with another long distance man, I’ll just have to see, eh ?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:33am

  465. 465: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LH I would validate/appreciate the fact that he does not want to screw things up. Tell him I sense he is a good man so I know he understands my feeling uncertainty or unsure about him sleeping over also that I know he wants to take care of his own safety and will figure out another way to take care of his own needs.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:42am

  466. 466: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 450 Yep Brandylion. I learned that from CCarter’s FCTC. He had Dr. Paul DoBransky as a guest on the program who spoke about it.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:45am

  467. 467: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Sophie and FW…

    It feels so nice to be taken care of, especially since in the past, I would have attributed that “task” as feminine. It was interesting for me to learn that even the role of mother is in masculine energy.

    Feeding me, and treating me, and spoiling me seems to be something that brings him great pleasure. Sometimes I still find myself feeling guilty but I am getting better and better at receiving.

    Every once in a while I offer to cook something tasty, or treat him to coffee (or something else inexpensive) when we’re out, but I can feel when I’m starting to do too much and it feels great to just drop that oar and let him paddle again.

    He wants me to vacation with him this year, which feels super exciting. I told him that I would be willing to pay a portion of the cost (it will be quite pricey) if he would like me to contribute, but that I would leave it up to him to decide. I have a feeling he won’t let me pay for anything. For some reason, i just felt bad not offering. I have this pride that I have to heal. Not just with men, but in general. I feel fiercely independent sometimes. I have trouble accepting “hand-outs.” I am a funny creature. They’re not “hand-outs” they are GIFTS…. :)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:45am

  468. 468: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    FW, that is really good and nice, very appropriate to the situation. my goodness, this communicating with the men is not as easy as it looks on paper !
    thank you,

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:46am

  469. 469: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RadLove – “I feel baffled by it too”

    Not sure I would share that with a man. They tend to think that women are hot. So when they believe you have the goods they want, they then wonder how comes you weren’t scooped up already by another man and start to think something is wrong with you. The comment kind of feed into the “something is wrong with you thinking, or you don’t “get” it. This is my opinion. So I would encourage you to use confidence in these situations and communicate the sense that you are being picky and owning your power. You are choosing the man you intend to bond with, not the other way around because you know you.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:52am

  470. 470: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I don’t think you are a funny creature. It is humbling and vulnerable and I struggle with that also. However, I have deeply embedded into my brain that a man is HAPPIEST when he is giving to me. I want any man around me to feel happy.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:55am

  471. 471: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SMB – Dr. Paul

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:59am

  472. 472: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wowwwwwwwwwww i am in an incredibly yucky mood today

    i actually shut off my phone so i don’t lean forward to a man for comfort out of habit

    i read this fluff article that has a slideshow with it about celebrities’ first marriages. So many of these people have been married many many times! I can’t imagine being a woman who has married 6 times. OMG. Is this just how it is now? I feel scared and shaky and not okay at all.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:02am

  473. 473: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    FW, Mel
    I struggle with it, too. very much. I don’t want to give the impression that I am just out to get whatever I can, which I am not. In fact, if I am not quite sure if I see it going somewhere, I feel a little uneasy with them paying for everything. It’s like, I can read their minds that they don’t want to be spending all this money if it’s not going to go anywhere, and they don’t want to give it a chance either, unless you help out.
    I am going to make it a mantra that a man is happiest when he is giving to me, and I want any man around me to feel happy. I love to see people feel happy, but not if I have to sell out.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:03am

  474. 474: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Mel 465
    I feel the same way about gifts….I have to literally remind myself “receive! receive! it’s ok let the person give to you!”

    It is hard for me sometimes.

    Vacation sounds exciting. :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:04am

  475. 475: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad reading about addicts and vasopressin. One of my CDs is in recovery. He is very serious about it and has been successful in it.

    I feel sad thinking that he will never be able to “committ”… this true?

    Not that I’m so set on him, but it feels really sad and bad to think about this.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:07am

  476. 476: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla “so he would enjoy me better” didn’t even cross my mind. I believe your perspective could use some reframing. I thought of him doing something to make you happy because he would be able to appreciate that it is something very important to you.

    The comment really solidified in me how important it is for me to be happy in my own skin. Sorry but I can really see how someone outside of “the self” couldn’t help because the “abnormality” is so rejected and hated from the inside. I am going off to massage my finger I disliked most of my life that is now bandaged and healing while saying “I intend to love and cherish you for the rest of my life sweetie, regardless of how you look”.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:07am

  477. 477: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson he is working on his addiction – big difference. When he gives it up his body will be able to work on rebalancing its chemicals.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:08am

  478. 478: EmersonNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:11am

  479. 479: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ReceivingGirl – Could it be a gluten allergy or some other food allergy?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:11am

  480. 480: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    any man i spend a little time with who is sweet to me is like a CF to me. they’re all crack fixes. i’m feeling so totally f*cked. I just miss alaska. i want to cry in his arms. i am so weird. i feel judgmental and hateful towards myself and love in general.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:14am

  481. 481: TamNo Gravatar says:

    LH, I can’t handle boring either :)
    And I am quite willing to give a guy a chance who is less than perfect as long as he fulfils the important criteria, because I am well aware of the fact that I am not perfect either. But having problems of knowing where to draw the line sometimes with what still feels like acceptable behaviour and what clearly isn’t….it takes some time to get to know people but it is easy to fall into the 6-month relationship trap and move on to the next one – I don’t want that.
    Definitely a good idea to stay open to a wide range of guys…but the big thing for me is finding someone who stimulates me mentally above all, and that just seems a HUGE challenge.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:17am

  482. 482: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I have had to create a routine for myself for first thing in the morning because when I first wake up I have a hard time with NVs unless I get myself going with something specific. Sometimes it’s just a planned out routine to get ready with the radio on or TV and reward myself with taking extra time to do cute makeup…etc…I understand because there are some days when I DO NOT want to face the world and I feel mad and sad…but it flips a lil bit usually once I get all cute for the day.

    Also reading about celebs and their marriages is very disenchanting and not really a reflection in the real world. Your life has nothing to do with them so no that is not how life is…
    You create your own reality!!! ((((Starla))))

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:19am

  483. 483: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    475 Thanks FW that makes me feel better. He seems like a good prospect so we shall see!!!!

    I feel ok today but feeling lazy and need to get my day started!!!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:21am

  484. 484: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Lillibee, it feels so good to read your posts. They are so uplifting & inspiring :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:26am

  485. 485: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    (((Radiant))) I feel ya.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:27am

  486. 486: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, LH


    Yes, I so get this. But it took me a while to realize that what I was really finding boring was the lack of drama, lack of toxicity, lack of “challenge” for me…

    And when I figured that out, I was able to see that the boring guy standing right in front of me was actually quite interesting and our time together suddenly felt a lot more exciting (but in a different way).

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:34am

  487. 487: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    469 – Yes, like I said, your FM was perfect, and I saved it for future use. I didn’t know what to say in the moment.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:38am

  488. 488: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Ulii!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:38am

  489. 489: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Radiant Rising and Daria,

    396 – What I stated was not out of prejudice. I stated facts. I once dated two Middle Eastern men. I am not prejudiced. I felt scared and sad when I heard what happened.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:43am

  490. 490: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ha, ha! I remember thinking: Mr A is soooo boring! He’s always agreeing with me and doing what I want, and acting all interested in me. And he’s too sweet, and too accommodating, and too eager.

    I think fighting and arguing and winning release adrenaline and other chemicals which your body becomes accustomed to. That feels normal and so everything else feels a little dull.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:44am

  491. 491: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – #458 – “there must be a good guy out there who is intellectually stimulating and whom I also fancy physically or is that hoping for too much?”

    No it’s not asking too much. They ARE out there. I found one, or rather he found me, and I’m not alone in this.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:45am

  492. 492: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Radiant Rising and Daria,

    I was NOT saying this is how ALL MIddle Easterners are. I take people person by person. All I was saying to Jessie is him taking her son out of the country fits the pattern of what I have heard in not one, but several cases.

    Would you like me to detail the other cases?

    I have never heard of instances of Americans marrying people in other countries for the purpose of gaining citizenship and then bringing the children to the US, leaving the mothers in the foreign country.

    it is a battle tactic. If you don’t like it that SOME Middle Easterners do unethical things like this, express your anger to them and their leaders. If it never happened, I wouldn’t have been talking about it.

    To me it’s like saying in the battle between the North and South over slavery, back in the day, southern men raped and beat black women. Does that mean I am automatically prejudiced against white men from the South? No, it is a fact of history.

    My conclusion is that the triggers are just that, triggers. INTERNAL triggers. I am not prejudiced.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:51am

  493. 493: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Dominique, there is hope!! :)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:53am

  494. 494: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Radiant Rising and Daria,

    I don’t feel triggered when people put down white people. I walk with the awareness that I like who I am, and that people are case by case who they are.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:53am

  495. 495: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Mel 486, 490

    “I think fighting and arguing and winning release adrenaline and other chemicals which your body becomes accustomed to. That feels normal and so everything else feels a little dull.

    Yes. I really, really don’t like that kind of turmoil anymore, because it just doesn’t feel good to me. That kind of stress isn’t healthy on many levels.
    And I feel very happy that I’ve become very aware of that now, and can more consciously avoid it. Also that I am more open to the nice guy who doesn’t bring that stuff up.

    The nice guy who agrees with me, does nice stuff, etc. like your Mr. A, doesn’t necessarily bore me, though. If there is something there that makes me think of them, and I’m caring about what happens next, that’s a good sign. If I totally forget about them, though, that probably means…… boring.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:58am

  496. 496: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Tam, there IS hope for us all !
    It’s an on-going adventure :)


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:00am

  497. 497: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wowwie zowwie i feel so topsy turvy
    i am letting myself fall apart and letting it be okay. to just fall apart and be ‘not okay’ and love myself anyway

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:11am

  498. 498: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Starla….maybe you are so 1000 percent sure that men love you for your looks and your perfection and your size and everything else that it is easy to say to a woman without feeling vulnerable…
    guys say
    omg ur so hot
    omg ur so beautiful…
    so sexy, such a perfect set of…

    but its not so easy to say that I came running over here to sleep with you because you are
    so warm,
    you warm my heart,
    you heal my tired body,
    you pleasure me with your intelligence
    and humor….
    Unfortunately, consumerism sells us outside packages and leads us to believe that it is the outside that creates heat, sexuality, and love…

    Maybe the first date, the outside is important…
    BUt after that if you werent wonderful, all of you great girls out there, no one would have ever fallen in love with you!

    Women get married of all sizes, shapes, nose sizes (i personally hate mine) boob sizes, thick ankles, skinny ankles, saggy butts, tight butts…all of them….and men even do think in the long term…

    Men do say…if I have kids, will she nurture them and care for them and get up for them when they are sick….just like we do!

    sooo my conclusion…? All the times I thought those boys loved me for my eyes, or my chest or anything else Cause they SAID that….I didnt know that they were thinking a whole HOST of other things but couldnt say it (is it not manly? lol)

    my friend M. just dumped a guy who had massive massive amounts of hair on his back….and she is absolutely sick over him…(i personally think he is the sexiest sexiest guy alive too) because of his warmness …he makes everyone feeel loved and important…dogs, cats, children, everyone….and thats what made us all love him…

    Starla,you have the biggest brains, and the warmiest and quirkiest personality and maybe the guys say even less nice things to you cause you intimidate the sh** out of them!

    But they all loved you in one special way or another
    and it had nothing to do with ur razor…

    Hope it helps cause you are beautiful and I know that, and i dont need to see you to know that…and men are just as smart as women!!!!
    hope you keep on keeping on buddy

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:13am

  499. 499: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    About my son and Lebanon…unfortunately, custody laws are specific…if my son was 6 and he is with his father, there is not alot I can do as a broke student to try to find and track down my son in another
    especially if his dad wanted to kidnap him….
    this is about a man threatening to kidnap his son to try to harm me not about a nationality….
    scare tactics for women who have children are unfortunately very damaging for people who later try to co parent because threats are scary….
    Canadian men can threaten to kidnap their children and hide them inside their own country or outside but usually….lets hope….these are stupid sh** people say when they are mad and to get their woman to stay or stay in control…not for any other reason….but wow, if it happens to you….protect yourself, get a lawyer, take it seriously and get help!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:19am

  500. 500: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie 498
    Thank you, sweet lady

    I know all this to be true. I have experienced it to be true. It’s just that *i’m* so insecure about it that it’s been getting in the way of my openness to men. It’s turning into quite the mental illness for me. I think if tried to fix the physical problem, then I could focus on the mental one, and even if the physical solution isn’t permanent (hair always eventually grows back one day), maybe I’ll have enough practice by then to be okay with everything


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:27am

  501. 501: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Radiant Rising and Saris,

    I think another good way to express what I’m trying to say in my response is exactly what Tori says in this blog thread.

    I love you both!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:35am

  502. 502: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sirens…Longtime no hear…I’ve been so busy, just dropping in to say hey..I’ve been feeling prety darn good. Getting back to my old self. I’ve agreed to pay for half my divorce, and if everything goes according to plan, our divorce will be finalized by the end of July???? I’m feeling ok about the divorce, and realize that I don’t even want my husband anymore. I have so many other options. I am making plans to open my own business, and to take a one month trip to Panama City, Panama in Januray of next year. I am just focusing on healing, loving myself, being true to myself, and not compromising for anyone…I’ve done that enough in my life, and it doesn’t make me feel good….I feel good when do what I love, they way that I love to do it. Living my life like its golden ladies….hope you will too, that would feel great!!! Luv ya – Coco

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:36am

  503. 503: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LH/Mel – aaahh the adrenaline addiction of fighting and arguing. It gave me such a high. Even urgency and worry gave me the high of adrenaline fix. Now that I have slowed down to heal, I am realizing how addicted I was and slowly weaning myself from it as I teach myself to shut up.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:37am

  504. 504: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Tori = Rori

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:38am

  505. 505: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:


    I feel angry

    Hot lava hurricane destructive anger whirling up from my rib cage. I do not want to be told that I do not know how to tell the difference between people’s experiences and facts.

    I feel anger at being restricted not to debate back. I want to answer point by point, break down and teach why these statements are detrimental especially in the times we live in…but that feels exhausting.

    I think statements such as when 9 11 happened a cheer went up from their kitchen was unnecessary and stimulates my defensive reaction. I am not talking about the horrors I heard and seen. I do not see different ethnic people on here talking about how wronged they have been by westerners, yet I am being told my internal triggers are just my internal triggers. That feels searingly painful. I feel guilty for arguing. I feel angry that MY story and experiences are being undermined.

    I don’t want to feel angry. I want to love. I want to show compassion and receive compassion.

    I do not want to be squelched in my expression.

    It feels good to breathe.

    I feel proud in saying that I can look beyond labels and my own triggers.

    I hate the military, yet fell in love with a marine.

    I hated the white cops who stopped my brother and threw him in jail because he had a beard and brown skin,
    yet made best friends with white blue eyed cops who were there for me in my time of need.

    I hate cultural labels and hate it when people use them so freely yet, I reach out in friendship to those with different view points.

    I am vulnerable, I am huggable. My internal triggers are a beacon of light that shines hope in a land where there is none. I love them and will freely defend them from being undermined.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:38am

  506. 506: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I love dr paul’s stuff about boundaries to much. I feel excited to learn more about holding boundaries. Even with guy who loves me…he snaps to when I can feel my boundaries.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:38am

  507. 507: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RadLove I too have heard those stories in the news, that you refer to. Maybe all the details are not out there but your comments are factual.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:39am

  508. 508: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am crack addicted to urgency, worry, and adrenaline, too.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:42am

  509. 509: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    CoCo that felt so inspiring to read

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:43am

  510. 510: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I can seriously spot these scammers a mile off!! A litle light entertainment to pass away a boring work day………

    Him: cute, beatiful and nice pic…..Did you know that your face has a twinkle like the “brighest” star… ? I truly believe ur face is a reflection of ur heart and soul, You certainly have a winning face . anyway I love your face it echos in my heart. nice to talk with you soon

    Me: Why thank you F, how jolly nice of you to say so old chap.

    Him: Thanks may you tell me more about you…………… how many kids…..what are their ages…….where you are living at present……..what is your profession……how long you’ve been on this site…….what kind of success have you had.

    Me: I don’t like these kind of questions, this feels boring like a job interview.

    Him: Thanks for going through my profile…. did you actually see anything that interest you or do you think that we dont have anything in common… ? please update me on this ok, because I really want to be friend with you and see what the nature holds for us….. life is too short !!!

    Me: Yes I was interested that you live in Dallas, did we ever find out who shot JR?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:45am

  511. 511: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    @ Feminine Woman…Thanks :) I feel good knowing you felt inspired :)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:47am

  512. 512: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    I have reasons, facts and experiences too. I see it all on the news which they din’t show here, yet I do not churn them out to perpetuate negative thoughts against certain people. I love and honor myself for that.

    Now I feel guilty and fearful that I will be seen as self righteous.

    I love my guilt

    I love my fear

    I love my self righteousness.

    It is okay Radiant, to express feelings. There is no restriction on you or others. All is welcome.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:49am

  513. 513: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    COCOKISSES! Good to hear from you! So nice to hear you say you have so many other options! Its so good to get into that place and it feels so awful to see someone in pain and you cant help!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:55am

  514. 514: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    silver moonbeam….lol
    I told the last guy on pof …
    .when he asked me what i liked to do for fun….i like to sit in my basement, be depressed, hate on ontario and read relationship advice off the internet….
    Then he asked me why i was single and i said cause I got married 3 times and everytime i screwed it up cause im a needy control freak
    and i have 2 kids by 2 marriages…lol
    I continued on with this truth telling cause I thought it would make my roommate laugh who was sitting beside me and lol he immediately asked for my number and was dying to take me out immediately and told me he couldnt wait for the weekend….lol

    So lesson 1 from this experience….guys are ho***? and it doesnt matter what you say to them…they will always want to have S**.

    Or something like that…lol

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:59am

  515. 515: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    My feelings come from facts also that do not get press or air time. Yet I am trying to adhere to the rules of the blog by not being in my hard and express the feelings that are being triggered. I feel irritated that that goes unnoticed.

    I notice you Radiant.

    I AM in my head.

    It is okay Radiant.

    I notice even though you are angry you still do not blame.

    I notice you still are compassionate not just to yourself but even those you disagree with.

    I notice your generosity and big heart.

    I notice.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:04am

  516. 516: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SMB the Dallas comment came across, to me, as sarcastic. I would challenge myself to drop that. Just for me to see if I could possibly change.

    Old Chap – though this might be cultural for you it struck me that could trigger an unconscious feeling for the recipient being called old. Not sure I would use that.

    I don’t like these kinds of questions automatically makes him wrong. How about scripting to flip it into a positive? Assuming this is coming from a place of curiosity and interest.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:06am

  517. 517: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    Goodheart thank you for the hugs. Miss you.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:09am

  518. 518: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Really, really crack addicted.

    going outside for a walk.

    thanks for tolerating my spam.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:09am

  519. 519: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    I think I might want a big, stupid boy toy who I don’t really care what happens, while I’m cding for my Mr A, K, D….that would be fun and might keep my judgment more clear LOL

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:41am

  520. 520: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    459 Holli


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:46am

  521. 521: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Holli welcome. There is a lot to learn here but very valuable lessons

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:53am

  522. 522: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    U kno, this week I had an episode…. really close to this.

    HI SIREN SISTERS. Hope everyone’s week is going splendid.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:13pm

  523. 523: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    hi emoticon:) (((((((emoticon)))))))

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:15pm

  524. 524: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Starla))))) thank u 4 acknowledging.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:18pm

  525. 525: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver @ 510

    lol! Too funny!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:19pm

  526. 526: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Im glad I read this. I do tend to make things about me.

    I may have completely ruined things with one CD but only time will tell, im not stressing over it right now. Tomorrow is my last exam and Im free all summer to DATE. So Im just gonna get myself out there and see if he ever contacts me again.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:19pm

  527. 527: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I missed out on all the previous comments. :-( hmmmm how am i ever going to catch up?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:20pm

  528. 528: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #516 FW

    These are SCAMMERS I am dealing with here, who the hell cares about FM’s when you are dealing with them? It’s just lighthearted fun on my part.

    I posted this to get a laugh………….jeez………….I think American and British humour are too way apart on some occassions………….

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:33pm

  529. 529: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #514 Jessie

    Maybe we aren’t too apart in our humour after all. 😀

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:34pm

  530. 530: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    owwww, I just bought the cutest outfit!! so cute and sexy! It’s a belted vest

    and i got the earrings pictured there to go with it:)
    and the white tee underneath (need a new one, anyway)

    and an adorable pinstriped fedora to wear on my head:)

    awww i love dressing myself up in clothes that sing to me.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:35pm

  531. 531: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    SMB, I used to live in Dallas and I thought your joke was hilarious! LOL!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:35pm

  532. 532: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    FW – it was SUPPOSED to be sarcastic or ironic as we call it here. :)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:35pm

  533. 533: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, that is sexy! Id love to see it on YOU

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:36pm

  534. 534: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, that is sexy! Id love to see it on YOU

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:37pm

  535. 535: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, that is sexy! Id love to see it on YOU

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:37pm

  536. 536: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    SMB, I used to live in Dallas and I thought your joke was hilarious! LOL!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:38pm

  537. 537: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    SMB lmao!!! Ur hilarious….

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:45pm

  538. 538: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I want some PRACTICE but i am not willing to pay for an online dating sight…. so is anything FREE? or at least so cheap I wont realize Im paying 4 it

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:46pm

  539. 539: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    one of the sirens here, maybe april rose? got me hooked on

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:47pm

  540. 540: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Am i weird for finding it cute that CDs friend is really nervous before his exam and jus texted me that he is so nervous cuz if he doesnt do well he will fail. Idk, i think its cute lol

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:47pm

  541. 541: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    oooops pardon me SMB. I feel silly. I misunderstood.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:47pm

  542. 542: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    FW – thank you for the Dr Paul link BTW, I was subscribed to that newsletter at one time but decided I was getting way too much information overload and have cut them all except RR and a new one I found today, Kara Oh, I don’t know much about her so far but she seems more in line with Rori.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:48pm

  543. 543: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BTW I am not American.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:50pm

  544. 544: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, yeah im looking at their stuff its pretty good. I’m hooked on thrift stores because I dont really HAVE a budget right now. And when i do have a budget I just increase my purchases at thrift stores lol.

    I get really cute dresses there. Im addicted to this store called Plato’s closet. Since Im extremely tiny (double 0 tiny) the clothes in my size dont go that quickly so I have a wide array to choose from. :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:50pm

  545. 545: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    FW, where are u from? I’m not American either, I just live there.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:51pm

  546. 546: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #541 FW

    I was not trying to make you feel silly, I was being silly myself posting these ridiculous answers to scammers, but hey I really do want to know Who Shot JR? Was it Kristen?

    I can remember talking to this American guy online a LONG time ago and he couldn’t understand that we Brits were sooooooooooooooooooo INTO Dallas at the time it was front page news in our daily newspapers lol, but it REALLY was. 😀

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:52pm

  547. 547: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Alaska sent me a picture of something I asked him to take a picture of yesterday (it’s a dumpster… long story), but along with it he attached a picture of himself in his hardhat. he’s an engineer for the power company so he’s on site today and has to wear his hat. He looks kinda sexy in it. So I told him!! Wow, brave of me!

    Is it possible that I could be developing a real attraction to Alaska? Or am I just crack-fixing?

    I worry a lot that I’m crack fixing.

    But one of my crack fixes is worrying, so…

    *crosses eyes*

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:52pm

  548. 548: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon, I am English and I live in England. 😀

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:53pm

  549. 549: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Plato’s closet is down the block from my house…thanks for reminding me to go there!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:54pm

  550. 550: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am Jamaican and I just live here too. hehe

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:54pm

  551. 551: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Oops Emoticon is asking FW not me lol!! FW just where are you from? You have perhaps taken on the American psyche. I am thinking Europe or Latin America………

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:54pm

  552. 552: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BTW I believe a new Dallas is being released soon.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:55pm

  553. 553: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla No Problem. :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:57pm

  554. 554: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    SMB I want to visit there sometime soon to meet my cousins hubby!!

    FW nice, I’m from St.Lucia

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 12:59pm

  555. 555: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    SMB, I totally got your humour…I laughed out loud at your response to the scammer. And for the record, I am American. lol

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:01pm

  556. 556: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    fw, you’re such a mystery to me. i feel so intrigued all the time;). You’re Jamaican? How neat! Tell us more about you….;)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:01pm

  557. 557: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon some of my best friends are from there.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:02pm

  558. 558: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    FW, majority of my CDs are Jamaican lol :-) I realize many St.Lucians over here are settling down with Jamaicans. Including my cousin and aunt….. and close family friends.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:04pm

  559. 559: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #538 Emoticon

    FREE dating sites I have found so far:


    Very different sites, all of them, but good for practice if nothing else.

    I have found all the other “free” sites expect you to pay for a subscription to actually read the messages you get in your inbox………..

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:07pm

  560. 560: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    FW I am soooo surprise you are Jamaican, the Jamaicans I interact with here in the UK are very laid back, Bob Marley kinda chill peeps……..oh you need to get yourself over here for some serious jammin’ girl. 😀

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:09pm

  561. 561: lessonsbeinglearnedNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so foolish. i started dating a man a year ago who was recently divorced. i hesitated when i first met him because i did not want to be the transition person. i had this very conversation with him. we talked a LOT and he convinced me that he had dealt with his divorce (25 years married) and that he had dated enough women from dating sites, work and church since the divorce to know exactly what he wanted, and that it was me. we both were looking for exactly the same things in a partner and were marriage minded. This has been a very very good solid relationship. His mother died recently and on mother’s day, he seems to have gone into a tailspin. mother’s day has triggered something in him. i don’t know if he realizes maybe he hasn’t dealt with everything or what. i do know that he is treating me differently, shutting me out, not behaving in a loving caring manner like he always does. i have been giving him space and time and not calling or texting him unless he contacts me first. it is hurting me. i understand emotions can strike you without you knowing when. he is a very stable person…25 years in the reserve military, 25 years with his regular civilian job, 25 years in a marriage. i believed him when he said he had worked through everything, knew what he wanted and was going for it. i am at a complete loss as to what to do. we are seeing each other tonight and i don’t want to do anything that would push him away from me. how do i approach this situation? Can someone please give me some advice?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:10pm

  562. 562: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    And we have such great shops selling plantain and yams and okree. 😀

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:12pm

  563. 563: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I have lived in several different countries so I guess “I” am mixed culture. I feel intrigued that you find me mysterious as I have shared off and on about parts of my life that I have felt inspired to share depending on the “topic or flavor of the day”. I will continue to do so in the future as I feel inspired.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:14pm

  564. 564: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    SMB…. I’m not Jamaican, but thats how *I* am. I guess there are people liek that everywhere, especially in the Caribbean. and FW just said that she lived so many different places. Maybe because I sent MAJORITY of my life in the islands (St.Lucia and Barbados) I am a bit more “laid back”.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:16pm

  565. 565: StarlaNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:18pm

  566. 566: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    POF works really fast huh? Ive already been contacted by like 5 guys and I literally JUST opened the account. Well hello research study participants. I hope u r ready for some feeling messages. *rubs hands together* *evil look*

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:19pm

  567. 567: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    POF works really fast huh? Ive already been contacted by like 5 guys and I literally JUST opened the account. Well hello research study participants. I hope u r ready for some feeling messages. *rubs hands together* *ev!l look*

    oh wow i guess the word ev!l landed it in moderation. lol sorry if it posts twice.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:23pm

  568. 568: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I did get the humor in the comment btw. It is just that I have some beliefs. One is “whatever you are in any relationship, it is the way you will be in “the” relationship. As such I try to eliminate sarcasm in “my” humor now because it can be biting and I believe covers some anger.

    Also I enjoy take such messages apart to see how “I” can better present myself to the world. Thank you for helping me to process my own stuff.

    I also tend to assume that when people share back and forth conversations like that, they do so to get feedback and outside impressions. Also possible help so they can see themselves through other peoples “eyes”. Hence my apology for misunderstanding. One more apology – I am sorry for projecting myself onto you.

    Now I have gone into my explainey pattern.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:25pm

  569. 569: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    FW, sorry if i talked about u in the third person 2 comments ago. I wasnt trying to say u were not laid back or anything *no judgements* I guess i went on rambling about myself and threw u in there for a sec in making reference to ur previous comment.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:29pm

  570. 570: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    W a lil water

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:29pm

  571. 571: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon – No Problem. That does not bother me at all.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:30pm

  572. 572: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I notice that I feel wary of the guys messaging me.

    First this white boy with a face tattoo….. I feel turned off by face tattoos and he just asked me what I think about how he looks. Should I just say that because thats how I feel?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:30pm

  573. 573: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I would Emoticon. Remember it is practice telling radical truth.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:31pm

  574. 574: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW. I said it and it felt scary telling the truth like that. But now I feel relief that I pushed the send button and also because I dont really care what the outcome of this conversation is. Ooooh wow that feels different.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:33pm

  575. 575: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity re 425 and 436

    Thank you for responding.

    Your posts feel helpful reminders.

    I just wanted to say, when this whole issue came up, and he was asking me to be exclsuive, I kept saying no.

    And he kept asking me why.

    And the only reasons were ‘I want to be married and I don’t want to be with someone who has alcohol issues and is not doing anything about it’

    Well he says marriage is on the table.

    And then he said he wanted to address his drinking.

    I came here to figure it all out and basically with the help of Sirens here came up with a no girlfriend speech including that for me I would not agree to exclusivity unless marriage was on the table AND the alcohol issue was being dealt with and for me that included him seeing someone.

    He promptly got to work sorting it and even went to one appointment.

    He is not drinking like he did before.

    And then the progression with finding and seeing a therapist stopped.

    And I feel confused.

    Because I think that if I continue seeing him exclusively, even though he is not holding up his end of the bargain, that I am not respecting my own boundary?

    But I know pressuring him to go won’ be useful either. I am really doing my best to avoid this trap…

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:36pm

  576. 576: EllaNo Gravatar says:



    You have said that before about what Dr Paul has said about addiction.

    It just isn’t my experience. I have experienced MWC as a very committed person. And I know he loves me.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:38pm

  577. 577: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    hi Ella!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:39pm

  578. 578: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    And also what about when addicts heal?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:39pm

  579. 579: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, this one guy is 23 years older than me and surprisingly I dont feel repulsed :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:40pm

  580. 580: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so proud of myself and relieved. I just initiated refunds on the e-books I bought about getting your ex back, lol.

    I did “keep” one of them, though. It has a lot about respecting each other as partners and conflict management without manipulation. The book has inspired me to be a much less manipulative person (even though I thought I wasn’t manipulative…i really have a lot of growing up to do!).

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:40pm

  581. 581: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Emoticon


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:40pm

  582. 582: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson re 475,

    No. I don’t believe it is true.

    How can anyone say that?

    Brain chemistry can change and change back. People can heal.

    The mind if a powerful tool.

    There are recovered addicts who are in successful relationships.

    It feels like a very limiting belief to me.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 1:46pm

  583. 583: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel lost and sad tonight.

    I feel tumble driers of ickiness rolling round in my stomach.

    But I ask myself, is this my default emotional state?

    And is it really necessary?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:06pm

  584. 584: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Express your anger to ‘them’ and ‘their leaders?’

    Wow like they’re aliens or something?

    This is fuchkin racist!

    I’d like to express my anger to RADLOVE’s LEADERS for indoctrinating someone w racism to the point they spit it out freely and feeling justified about it and not even calling it racism.

    I feel Hell Fuchkin angry leaders!

    I feel angry at how you kill thousands of ppl in one stroke REGULARLY an smile an call them ‘casualties’ or ‘successful’

    I feel angry at calling middle eastern, African, native American and ppl’s Targetted by the oppression strategy

    family communities
    ‘clans’ and ‘tribes’ but call European families ‘communities’ ‘town’ ‘citizens’ ‘societal members’ ‘nationals’ ‘families’

    Family gathering vs tribal gathering

    ‘clan warlords’ vs ‘family head of household’ or ‘grassroots community leader’

    Even ‘gangs’ vs ‘associations’ ‘clubs’ ‘communities’

    Tricked me once, you’re not gona trick me twice

    I wish I did have access to such leaders I would want to destroy them that wd likely not work for peace tho Daria.

    U know what.

    If it was me, I’d easily go to the middle east and find my kids.

    Very doable.

    Has that occurred to the woman or is she to afraid of the middle Easterns ‘out there’

    Ppl are so stuck in their racism.

    My life purpose is to say the right words to have those illusions come crashing down.

    I feel sigh ineffectual. I feel so angry and upset and hot i don’t know how to do it.

    At the same time, I’m aware that Kidappibg children is a possibility w people living in diff places.

    Ive also heard of fathers kidnapping kids to Mexico. It’s likely there’s a middle eastern encampment there is the only logical explanation.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:10pm

  585. 585: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unsure about this whole situation?

    I think that I am trying to control it too much?

    I wonder if I am holding too tightly to one particular outcome instead of …

    Instead of what?

    That is the challenge.

    I am missing what I could be doing instead…

    I feel so confused.

    I don’t even really KNOW if MWC is an addict.

    I don’t know the extent of his drinking anymore.

    I know he doesn’t drink around me anymore.

    And come to think of it he has alread actually tried 2 counsellors… not just the one… so am I being too uptight here?

    Should I just trust that he will do it?

    But then why is all this time passing and it not happening.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:12pm

  586. 586: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confused and interested in what Daria is talking about. Did I miss something sirens?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:13pm

  587. 587: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I gotta get the focus back on me.

    I get that.

    Just processing.

    Today I asked him whether he was still planning to go to that appointment tomorrow and he was vague. It felt bad.

    Later when he asked me if I would come over to his later I said ‘No I am not coming over at the moment’

    He did not ask me why.

    Usually he would.

    He said ok and turned and walked away.

    As well as that I was also leaned back but loving and open and receiving when he approached me.

    When I left he came over to me and we kissed goodbye.

    At the moment I feel like a problem child with one issue after another after another…

    A part of me expects him to become tired of this.

    But really I am just trying to find my boundaries here.

    Like a baby trying to learn to walk.

    And I feel clumsy. And unco-ordinated. And foolish.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:17pm

  588. 588: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    WOW POF is a lot of fun practising. i wish i had done this sooner. I can speak my absolute truth to these guys without worry about what they will think, how they will repsond. i will use this daily!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:18pm

  589. 589: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – to me that sounds like playing games… And shooting yourself in the foot

    It’s ok to be on Skype and talk to him when he contacts you!

    Just make sure you’re caring in real life and you’ll be fine

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:19pm

  590. 590: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – to me that sounds like playing games… And shooting yourself in the foot

    It’s ok to be signed in on Skype and talk to him when he contacts you!

    Just make sure you’re CDatin in real life and you’ll be fine

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:20pm

  591. 591: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, I just wanted to say that I feel really proud of your progress during the past year. Really happy for you. I feel inspired by you and hope to better myself the way u have.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:22pm

  592. 592: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I am looking at Dr Paul’s website and I am specifically looking for stuff around boundaries on relationships…. But I don’t know where to look and can’t find it.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:22pm

  593. 593: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon, 584, yeah, you missed the train to Xenophobia. I don’t much care for the weather there or the self-important tourists, so I just stayed in the airport. You can hang out with me there and we can buy duty-free perfumes and eat Panda Express yummmmmmmm, if you like.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:22pm

  594. 594: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I LOVE PANDA EXPRESS. and I would love your company also!!!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:24pm

  595. 595: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ummm, 591, i said train, and then airport. lolololololol *snort* i feel embarrassed

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:27pm

  596. 596: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank You so much that feels really great to hear.

    Although it doesn’t always feel like it to me.

    When I am flailing around in the ‘soup’ not really knowing what I am doing or if what I am doing is right.

    But thank you.

    I feel calmer for someone noticing my progress.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:27pm

  597. 597: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    hehe and then Emoticon called me Ella.

    wow must be something in the air… some goofy gas or something hehehee

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:30pm

  598. 598: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    oops I said Ella instead of Starla! im sorry

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:30pm

  599. 599: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Its a little bit scary talking to strangers online, but i love that im finally stepping out of my comfort zone. Ahhhh I wanna just burst right now, with excitement, fear and curiosity. But i continue to type calmly. O.O

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:34pm

  600. 600: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    #582- Thank you Daria. You expressed what I was too emotional to. I’m going to be in my head a little here…I feel do angry at being told that one is only expressing what Rori is saying on the post. There is a difference in taking offense to a boyfriend saying he like women and saying that Middle Eastern men do this and they cheered at 911. There is a difference between saying I don’t hear Americans doing this and if you feel angry take it up with them and their leaders. One is personal and the other is socio/political. Facts is one thing, in your experience is quite another and not the same. Ask a Middle Easterner how much their homes, families have been destroyed by OUR leaders. Ask how many we’re wrongfully sent to jail and tortured. These are facts that do not get reported here.

    I had this experience with my brother, I don’t say all white cops with blue eyes are brother jailing racists and that is just a fact. I saw a video of a soldier dripping water on the back of his truck while driving making a 12 year old, thirsty middle Eastern boy run for every drop while he was laughing. Yet I did not ever say all military is like this or that and take it up with THEIR leaders. I even fell in love with a marine! I made friends with a cop…I feel tortured and hurt.

    I am part of these people, and I experience first hand day to day how these things hurt me and those I love. This is not just my head talking, it’s my soul. And i’ll be darned if I am told not to express not just my feelings but my thoughts when I am triggered. Walking away now.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:34pm

  601. 601: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    This is helping quite a lot right now:

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:36pm

  602. 602: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Rasiant Risng))))

    In feeling si triggered. I feel trembly and hot and sad. I’m getting images of my family vein killed me feeling powerless

    And yes feeling so unheard and even squished

    Ppl conditioned to go ‘blank/numb/ detached’ on certain triggers, and ignore the screams if they hit one of those ‘others’ buttons.

    I know I have this inside me.

    I feel bubbly w lava and so panicked.


    World I wish I could stick a spear in your side so u can burst and rearrange

    I bet 90 percent of ‘developed’ world ppl are shrugging at these posts and yawning that they’re ‘political’ lol

    Fuchkin Loool!



    Operation dismantle prison system and Stop all wars and heal is happening

    It’s ok Daria it will happen

    You’re doing a great job

    I’m feeling afraid to be judged

    Ok :

    This ‘battle’ scenario is a pattern of mine.

    I can shift it and mu experience will shift in true magic fashion.


    I feel scared to stop writing.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:41pm

  603. 603: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    I think I may have put up a wall instead of a boundary.


    So how do I unpick this for myself.

    Ok. Well right now I am leaned back, at least physically.

    I am definitely feeling a sense of urgency. And what needs to be done to make me feel ok.

    But really nothing is going on.

    Except me feeling very triggered and fearful.

    I told him I wasn’t going to come to his at the moment.

    So what.

    That is no big deal.

    And I am just feeling so much fear right now.

    I know I need to get back out there in the world.

    I have some stuff planned over the next few days so should be ok.

    Breath Ella.

    And relax.

    It doesn’t matter.

    All the time in the world.

    And so what if I am hard work, and a problem child.

    So what.

    I love me anyway.

    So there.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:41pm

  604. 604: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    BTW the whole marrying women for green cards and taking them back to their countries happens also with Indian men (my nationality), European and even Russian! And American men for awhile loved mail order brides from different countries. This is personal practice. Has nothing to do with their nationalities or leaders. UGH!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:46pm

  605. 605: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘ This is personal practice. Has nothing to do with their nationalities or leaders’

    Thank u for expressing this so clearly. It feels safe like an anchor.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:51pm

  606. 606: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! The weathermen are predicting beautiful weather for the Cleveland Marathon on Sunday! 60s in the morning, which is perfect running weather. I feel excited and nervous–this is less than four days away now. Eep!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:52pm

  607. 607: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok so basically I am feeling very, very scared.

    And I have withdrawn.

    I said I don’t want to be there right now.

    That’s it.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:53pm

  608. 608: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Rising Radiant and Daria, I met an American man last summer who wanted to marry him so that I could get my green card. I dont see anything wrong with it except that i would not do it JUST for the green card. I dont judge anyone who does however. Sometimes it can be really helpful.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:54pm

  609. 609: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – I wonder what thoughts and beliefs are influencing your choice to not date MWC and also date others

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:54pm

  610. 610: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling afraid and triggered.

    And small and unimportant.

    And it is nothing to do with him.

    Its all me.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 2:58pm

  611. 611: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    HOWEVER i feel discouraged to marry a guy that I actually LIKE to get my greencard, Hmmmm it appears that i do not want my greencard lol. OH BUT I DO!! Maybe i would just feel better getting married for the right reasons, it feels less romantic when u throw the word green card in there.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:00pm

  612. 612: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon – I agree. It feels angryfying that human movement is restricted on earth they control and violence. And this is standard.

    We are doing the best we can (((humans)))

    Put into situations where we think we have to cheat and lie to stay alive and thrive. And it looks that way if I didn’t believe in my ‘I choose my reality’ magic.

    I want to heal this

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:03pm

  613. 613: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    My (step) grandpa married my grandma 28 years ago for a green card. They’re still together today.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:04pm

  614. 614: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    My good friend who is a Vietnamese born American married a Frenchman so he could get his green card. They have been married five years and I love them both.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:08pm

  615. 615: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla thats awesome. My cousin is about to do the same. She has strong feelings for this guy tho. I turned down the offer last year although i so badly wanted my green card because I did not feel attracted to the man at all and i would feel like I was using him because the one thing on my mind after i got my green card would have been DIVORCE.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:09pm

  616. 616: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Rising radiant awesome. Maybe the greencard is my ticket to the husband and not the other way around lol

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:12pm

  617. 617: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    This is not clearly thought out so I am just gonna type as it is in my head or whatever…

    The thought that

    ‘I would not get away with it’

    But what does that mean?

    Err, that he would go away if I dated others and take away the love that feels so good?

    But isn’t that making him the prize?

    Um maybe??!!

    I don’t know.

    Also the thought and fear of what everyone else would say when they heard that nasty Ella is seeing other people and poor MWC was being mistreated by her.

    And also cus I just kinda don’ want to… and that is some kind of resistance.

    But I feel so bored like I will die if I have to sit through another rubbish date.



    But I would do it.

    I could do it.

    And haven’t wanted needed to yet.

    May want/need to now.

    I just don’t know.

    I don’t know where I am or what I am doing.

    I feel lost.

    I feel like I lost it.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:13pm

  618. 618: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    a CD has actually asked me to “elope” I use the word elope because I like it better, it sounds romantic lol. i have been feeling so unsure. My closest cousin/bff is totally for it and so is my mother best friend. My two other friends that I am closest to are actually pissed off about it but i think this has to do with them and not me.

    I just feel scared to let him down if I decide to travel away singing for a year which is something i really want to do. Will our relationship survive if i do that? Ahhhh

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:15pm

  619. 619: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Ella….. ((((((Ella))))))

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:16pm

  620. 620: lkNo Gravatar says:

    daria & starla, i just emailed you both……

    UMMMMMM i feel odd & confused : ) love to me & love to all of you : )))

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:17pm

  621. 621: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    ella, i spent a tonne of time on dr paul’s site today. i am loving it.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:21pm

  622. 622: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I have to say… Until just recently I have not wanted to date others…

    but those would be the thoughts getting in the way if I did.

    I just feel lost at the moment.

    I have this horrid thought that is making me feel very scared that I messed up a good thing with my insecurities.

    Urgh Ick

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:27pm

  623. 623: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I would like to add “Kindle Fire” to my Universe box. its only 200 I think I can dedicate that much money to making myself a little happier. what say u? I say YES to the kindle fire.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:29pm

  624. 624: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    So supposing I just drop it all?

    The whole thing?

    And let it go. bumph.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:29pm

  625. 625: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    RE 587


    Thank you for addressing me! I get all excited every time I receive a comment from you, honestly.

    Ok… I see you can look at this being in invisible mode as game playing. Probably it is. As I was doing it only for being invisible to him, and not for just not getting bothered. But so how i’d be less available? Because I do feel somewhat off-balance, as I notice myself responding really eagerly and changing my routines just to be more online when i expect him to be. And he is not doing the same. And I’m feeling bad, if the conversations are short & curt from his part (sometimes). Even if he’s at work or travelling.

    I guess I should be just logged off altogether. But I do have some study-work related contacts in skype too.

    About cd-ing in real life. Lately nothing special is happening. In the dating sites the ones who are initiating are without exception from somewhere far. Or coming to my town for short few-day visits. Only guy of my own nationality and from my own town who has contacted me (over moths!) has sent me a compliment of a photo and smiley face (which i have responded with thank you and fm).. And as I was just going out at that moment … We said good-bye, and let’s speak another time. And after I have seen him online and he’s not saying a word.

    Well… sometimes I feel like a little child with this minor problems like online-dating details, like they would be imaginary problems and doesn’t really matter in adult world.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:31pm

  626. 626: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Now to work for that much money, save what i get from ym parents, save what i get from ym sister, work some more…. i can get ti THIS MONTH i sure can

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:31pm

  627. 627: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    K so sposing I was considering dating others…

    Would I have to tell MWC, as we made an agreement to be exclusive?

    Or not?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:31pm

  628. 628: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:34pm

  629. 629: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:36pm

  630. 630: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    I do go to a party saturday. Maybe I’ll find some local cd-s there. I truly hope so. And I’ll be more fit & maybe putting on a really nice little dress. :)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:40pm

  631. 631: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bad for jodging myself and thinking that others are better than i am, they have more money and they have a computer – which I think is a basic need.

    I am happy without a computer and feel patient and hopeful that I will get one. I want to heal this feeling of inadequacyyyyyy

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:41pm

  632. 632: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((ulii))) you do matter and your feelings matter.

    I would keep myself ON Skype whenever I can.

    I would respond to him OnLY in feeling messages and don’t wants. Very important.

    As far as CDing, what site are u on (I know badoo)

    Do you have Glamour Shots… Professional photos up?

    What’s your profile like?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:44pm

  633. 633: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, are you two committed?

    If so, I think you should tell him.

    If not, I don’t see the need to.

    Just my two cents.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:46pm

  634. 634: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    My insides feel gloopy.

    I feel so heavy right now.

    I feel wrong and caught up.

    I feel heavy but my limbs feel like they have no strength either, and light like they could flail out anywhere.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:46pm

  635. 635: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Please define committed?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:48pm

  636. 636: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Ella

    But is he keeping his side of the agreement?

    I can relate to this situation, as I had a big issue over one minor addiction of my ex too. And I felt so overwhelmed & powerless about it, yet it made me feel really bad every single time, even thinking about it. And I could never know 100% if he had been doing that thing i hated or not. I did all possible to make him stop, begged, cried, yelled, withdraw affection, set boundaries, didn’t keep them, build up resentment, later started to not care at all. Actually while I was with him, he never stopped completely. He even told me, it’s his business and he can not stop because of me & I remind him of his mother. And already when we were apart, (not only because this issue, but it played a part in me getting detached from him)… later on he said he had stopped it altogether on his own, just because it was the time and he wanted to do it.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:51pm

  637. 637: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Are you exclusive?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:52pm

  638. 638: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, ulii, that’s usually how it works.

    They stop on their own.

    It’s their decision, no one can force them to.

    They do it when they’re ready.

    Ella, maybe your guy is just not quite ready yet?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:55pm

  639. 639: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Soooooo i just found out something…. (yes ive been snooping) it has nothing to do with me but im really excited about it. Its about a former friend (i guess u can call her that) and im not even sure if what I think i jus found out is true. Hmph…. wait and see.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 3:58pm

  640. 640: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes we are exclusive.

    I don’t know if he is ready and I am not trying to force anyone.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:01pm

  641. 641: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Omg, Daria 600 is bloody cool! I just love you! I wish I could process like you. Sometimes I feel scared… like it’s too much work and I don’t want to know what will come up.

    HAman came for his lesson today. He was a great student… but I always knew that. Then he stayed for a few hours and it felt good. I did the switching hats… it feels different in this scenario :) :( Anyway, nothing think about. I guess I feel kinda excited by my experience. Anyway this whole thing freaks me out.

    I don’t wanna talk more. I feel sad. I feel angry…

    My keyboard is being temperamental again :(

    Love to the Island ((((((Sirens))))))

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:04pm

  642. 642: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee love to u too

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:05pm

  643. 643: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I know I am going to sounds all crazy and stuff.

    And I just want to ‘explain’ to MWC.

    Because recently I have been feeling SO insecure, and jealous.

    And I have felt jealous of a number of people

    and blah blah blah.

    And I just want to ‘explain’ to MWC how this time I am not moving away because of me having isssues and feeling jealous and insecure, but cus of keeping away while he doesn’t keep up his end of the bargain.

    Oh but that feels manipulative too.


    oh who friggin f8cken knows!


    Just feel totally in the gloop right now.

    I love him but I love me more.

    I don’t have to fix it.

    I can just take one day at a time and feel my feelings.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:11pm

  644. 644: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know anything!

    I feel like I know nothing about anything at the moment.

    I don’t have a single answer.

    I feel lost.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:12pm

  645. 645: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    But I know how to take care of me.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:13pm

  646. 646: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, that’s not what I meant, I’m sorry.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:14pm

  647. 647: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel myself judging guys my age and Feeling like they are less emotionally mature and therefore not “good”

    i want to heal this. I feel turned off by guys in college. I feel frustrated that they do not meet my expectations

    Now I am judging myself for HAVING expectations.

    I feel shame and fear that other sirens are reading this and thinking “wtf is wrong wit this little girl’

    My siren sisters love me.
    I feel negative feelings around the words “little girl’ i want to be a little girl but I want to be independent. I feel guilt for depending on ym parents financially.

    I feel like ti would be “wrong” for me to DO WHAT I WANT AND BE MYSELF, when they are supporting me.

    The belief behind this is “you are not financially free, if they see u getting piercings, tattoos, having all this SEX, they will cut u off financially.

    GOD FORBID u decide to say yes and marry “S” they will be so highly upset. This is not what they sent u to america for.

    People who love me will accept me no matter what right? My parents love me…. they LOVE me, they dont just accept me.

    In order to be loved for who u are, you must show up as youself. These words ring over and over in my head and it makes me feel sad and I have no idea why.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:15pm

  648. 648: uliiNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:15pm

  649. 649: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Queenbee)))) thanks for saying that about me that feels really good

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:16pm

  650. 650: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:18pm

  651. 651: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:





    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:18pm

  652. 652: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Daria)))))) thank you.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:19pm

  653. 653: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    No, I know.

    I am just super sensitive at the moment.

    Everything feels personal to me atm.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:20pm

  654. 654: uliiNo Gravatar says:


    “In order to be loved for who u are, you must show up as youself. These words ring over and over in my head and it makes me feel sad and I have no idea why.”

    .. So right!

    I have hard time with it too, specially with my parents. I have never ever told them about negative stuff I’m experiencing. Always only the good news. I’m about to finish my degree (I left it 8 years ago) and living with them temporarily. I have my own income, but still feel I’d let them down somehow if I don’t manage to finish my studies now. And I’m feeling incapable of doing it sometimes, but I continue to tell my parents everything is going ok.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:21pm

  655. 655: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling baseline sad so far

    im babystepping to NOT controlling the outcome

    an i noice im still doin it

    i dont want to feel sad

    i can sink into my sadness

    the thing is, in the past, sinking inot it just resulted in me feeling sad all day

    i can do this

    ill allow myslef to feel sad

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:22pm

  656. 656: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:25pm

  657. 657: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon, you must take that risk! You will be so much happier, I’m sure. People who follow their dreams always are… even if nobody believes in them in the beginning. And your parents will accept you eventually too.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:25pm

  658. 658: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii i feel sooooooooo scared. I have not even told them that i auditioned for a job which will last at least a year and is on the other side of the world and if i get it i have no idea how i will break the news that i will be a singing college drop out.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:29pm

  659. 659: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    The term “singing college dropout” actually feels good to me. I do very well in school, but am i happy? NO.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:31pm

  660. 660: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:37pm

  661. 661: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 630 Daria

    thank you for the hug & kind words

    I’ll give you a hug back too :)


    I have been quite lazy with my profile. I have been thinking in completing it and your tweaking would be really welcome!!

    It’s in badoo yes, and also (but that one I started it when i was in Spain still, there are hardly any men from my area there). I have some quite nice photos, but they are all “natural” ( I mean not taken in studios or by professionals)… anyway I get complimented quite a lot on them. I get a bit stiff and not natural looking posing, so I think I don’t have any studio photo that is nice, and I’m afraid it will repeat with new ones.

    I have yet nothing written in “about me” or “what i’m looking” spaces. I have some interests listened (like music, writers, films, tv-shows) and then my personal info like height, weight etc.

    I think I might look it over myself and try to come up with ideas, then later post it here for your comments. Here it’s late night already, so for today I’m off to sleep.

    Thank you again, Daria!!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:38pm

  662. 662: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking my truth really feels better. when I feel tired of being on the phone I can simply say that or say i wanna get off the phone now. its easier than I thought. hmmmm I wonder what else ive been longing to say????

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:44pm

  663. 663: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon, is there any chance to have a academic “gap” year or something at your college? So that you are not burning all the bridges? Have you posted whole story here what I have missed? What job it would be & where? (singing sounds awesome — I see you’re quite an artist already from that video you posted a while ago .. :) )

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:44pm

  664. 664: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    WOW….. i was talkign to my mom on FB and she said “do n study” I said “not now, i dont feel like studying” OMG i cant even believe i just said that lol….. sorry 4 spamming but im so excited about not pleasing others….. omg that sounds bad i feel bad for saying that. EMOTICON THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH NOT PLEASING OTHERS IF IT DOESNT PLEASE YOU TO DO THAT. SAY NO IF U WANT TO…… NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO AHHHH HAHAHAHA

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:47pm

  665. 665: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    wow, so CDing is really working for me again….chatting with lots of guys, booking some dates every week…guy who loves me is back! at least back trying to date me.

    and…i had to turn a date down with him…and a 24 year old who has been all over me the past few days. i already had plans.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:48pm

  666. 666: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii Thank you and yes i can have a gap year, the problem is i feel such a longinggggg to pursue something ELSE. I love entertaining, singing dancing acting, its all i did (well apart from school) up until i moved here to go to university and now i just feel like something is missing. Like im feeding ym brain but not feeding my soul. That makes me really unhappy. And i feel like I am not doing what I should be doing with my life. i have thought of changing majors and getting a degree in something I feel more passionate about but i didnt and at this point it feels so late. I opted to do a minor in French (foreign languages r also sumthing i have always been passionate about also).

    BTW the job is with an agency who organizes cover bands to perform at 5 star hotels in places like Dubai, Abi Dhabi, China, Egypt wtc. That would be the best thing ever If I get the opportunity to experience that. And If I get it, I’m taking it and after the year is over i will see where I go, maybe do another year with them, maybe come back to school, maybe work on a creative project of my own. I dunno.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:53pm

  667. 667: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    emoticon, that job sounds pretty awesome.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:55pm

  668. 668: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    siren song, thank you…. i am really hoping i get it. *fingers crossed*

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:56pm

  669. 669: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im going to Florida this weekend for like a week!

    a CD is flying me out!!!

    wowoooo hoooo

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 4:59pm

  670. 670: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    wow wayyyyy 2 gooooo DARIA

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:00pm

  671. 671: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    If i get this job, I am telling my parents that for the next year “im out” *chucks up the deuces* …… I just cant limit myself…. i wont be able to live with the idea that i turned down MY DREAM to please other people.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:03pm

  672. 672: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    FW, that message worked. He asked me if I feel comfortable with just getting together during the day for now, and then see what happens. Yay, he came up with a solution without me leaning forward ! Now the ball is in his court to plan something. Cool. Thanks again LH

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:16pm

  673. 673: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    There are a lot of ads on craigslist that feel like a lot of fun. Im emailing some….. lets see which ones i actually get to know.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:32pm

  674. 674: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Im leaving the library :-( so i will be reading all your posts but wont be able to comment. I will be back 2moro for some more fun and exploration. :-)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 5:44pm

  675. 675: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Wow Emoticon,

    That is daring!

    Actuaries make alot of money, especially in the US. It is very daring of you to think about putting that aside for your creative spirit.
    Dare to be happy!? :)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:38pm

  676. 676: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @479 FW

    Thanks for asking.

    I am autoimmune, but was tested for Celiac (my grandpa had it) and came back negative. Doesn’t mean I’m not sensitive to it. I’m going tomorrow for blood work because my hair seems to be falling out more than usual. My face is also in a heap of breaking out like a teenager. Both of these could just be stress related as well. I was under a lot of stress since January. Still am, but now that school it over, it’s much better.

    I’ve had the stomach problem happen 3 times since October and each time it was because I ate a large amount of junky food at parties. So, it’s either I digested too much food or it’s the carbs or sugar.

    I did the Clean diet and reintroduced foods 1 at a time and didn’t really have a problem. I noticed if I eat peanut butter by itself on a spoon I get tummy cramps, but if I eat it on bread or rice cake or something it doesn’t bother me.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:48pm

  677. 677: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon, I think you are so lucky and awesome not having a computer and being able to live without owning one. My best friend doesn’t even “go there;” she doesn’t even have an email address!!

    I think it’s so f*cking cool. That’s why SHE’S my best friend and not some technology collector!

    She considers herself lucky that she doesn’t need to be online for anything in her life and gets a choice in it, because the internet rots your brain and changes the way you perceive the world and people.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:48pm

  678. 678: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    398: Radiant Rising says
    ***Down with labeling, down with painting people with one broad stroke brush, down with pigeon holing a whole group of people.
    I choose to see past negative stories of individuals
    I choose to look beyond the categorization of a whole group of people.
    We are all human, we love, we laugh, we cry…I replace these stories of Middle Eastern people cheering at the demise of people by looking at my ME neighbors across the street, always warm, inviting, hospitable with a house full of food sharing with others even when they don’t have much.
    I feel protective of them
    I feel defensive of their hearts
    (((HUMAN RACE)))
    It is okay, NVs. Here’s a cookie.
    Yes NVs, everyone deserves hugs and love and I honor your desire to experience that for all of us.
    Tuesday, 15 May 2012 11:40pm***

    Thank you :)

    You might have already watched it, but I want to share Byron Katie video about racism and prejudice. It is so mind blowing (pun intended) I can’t share it often enough.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:51pm

  679. 679: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer Lopez is so beautiful. I love her look. I feel inspired by it.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:54pm

  680. 680: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    This guy on POF has messaged me just “hi” 4 times in the last 2 days & I have not responded. Not going to either if he keeps on doing it.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 6:56pm

  681. 681: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    I don’t know if you mean to be funny when you posted that, but I feel giggly reading it. lol.

    “crosses eyes”,hihi, funny how we drive ourselves nutso sometimes.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:02pm

  682. 682: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Light Heart I feel happy

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:11pm

  683. 683: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, now it’s 5 times. 3 times just today. Think he’s asking to be blocked.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:20pm

  684. 684: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    It’s been a while.. hope that everyone is feeling good;) I am back home – finally!!! Very busy studying. Thinking to lean fwd with SmartCD.. He surprised me with tickets to a show on my first day home and I spent that night at his house, but I haven’t heard from him since. The next day I had to leave early while he was still asleep and he called me once he woke up – he was worried and didn’t know where I was. We talked a bit, he said he wanted to see me, but his parents are in town, he doesn’t know what’s going on, has to call them now.. and that was 4 days ago. No contact at all!

    I know he does this sometimes, but I feel a bit worried ;(

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:35pm

  685. 685: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Daria!!!!

    Do you like him?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:43pm

  686. 686: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Daria – Florida so nice right now!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:48pm

  687. 687: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really surprised that there is no contact now, that I am back home. Something happened during our night together, I hope soooo much it doesn’t have anything to do with that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:49pm

  688. 688: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ReceivingGirl;) How’s Mr.Observant?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:53pm

  689. 689: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    582 – I can tell you feel angry.

    The only other thing I have to say is that my words to Jessie were in the innocence of a lil girl who freely spoke her heart of pain and sadness at the wrong done to her.

    I was not trying to incite a riot. I was not trying to trigger anyone; nor did it occur to me that it would trigger anyone.

    God and I know my heart, and my heart’s motivation was merely to identify with and comfort the heart of Jessie. I don’t want someone else’s pain and prejudice projected onto my loving heart.

    I love ALL people.

    And in case I should mention it, which I wasn’t going to, BOTH of my current CDs are black.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 7:57pm

  690. 690: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria (and Radiant Rising),

    Here is an example of the childlikeness of my heart:

    Once in a prison visiting room, I saw a couple of very visibly Native Americans. I walked up to them with great enthusiasm, asking, “What tribe are you from?”

    At first they looked bristly, apparently assuming I was prejudiced. Then in conversation I told them, “I am part Blackfoot (Native American). I feel fascinated with the culture and past lifestyle of Native Americans.”

    I look white, and no one would guess that is part of my heritage at my appearance. Once they heard me speak, they realized I was not prejudiced at all.

    I tend to be glib. I meant no harm. I’m not going to apologize, because I didn’t do anything wrong. I do not want to fight.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:04pm

  691. 691: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Can someone please help me with feeling messages for CO? We have emailed back and forth like ping pong off and on in the past. I finally gave him a feeling message that I’m not looking for endless emails. He backed away when I wouldn’t agree to kiss him in an email. He very seldom emailed me a “how are you?” type message sporadically for a few months.

    Now he has sought me out again, and last night I indulged him with an email conversation, back and forth, to get reacquainted. Near the end, I said, “It would feel nice to meet you.”

    He said, “I’m working on that. What are some things to do in your area?”

    I gave him a few ideas and then said good night. Now he is trying to start up a conversation again, and I want to put on the brakes. I feel frustrated, and it will be about the 4th time in several months that I tell him I’m not looking for an endless email friendship.

    I’m afraid I’m going to snap on him. Last night I gave him both my phone number and my address, which I had already given him months ago. Should I just go silent?

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:15pm

  692. 692: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I know first hand about your heart, where it comes from and how child like and big and innocent it is.

    My frustration with what you said is not about the kind of person you are but the types of uninformed misconceptions you perpetuated with your words. You branded what you said to be factual. Your experiences are not the same as something being factual. When you make blanket statements like this ethnicity does this, that can churn and breed negativity and stereotyping. You had said you were trying to talk to us the way Rori speaks on this post. Again that was undermining because interpersonal relationship communications are different than socio/political/economic relations and communication. I feel very strongly that this is important because a big part of why I believe the holocaust happened is because good people either did not speak up, and believed and made blanket statements about Jews just the ones are being made today about Middle Easterners. Your statements about the green card marriages didn’t stop there, you added by saying this particular family cheered when the planes struck on 911. That was what really did it for me.

    I remember the news constantly showing cheers in the ME when this happened, and those footages were from celebrations taken two years ago! My family, my friends were vulnerable to attacks and even now there is this profiling going on that is why I feel so insistant on good people being careful about what they think and say about a whole group of individuals like that.

    I don’t know If this made sense. But I am not asking for an apology, just open mindedness and some use of common sense and sensitivity when it comes to international/interfaith discussions and dialogues. I know you’re a wonderful human being, in many ways even better than me. (((HUGS))) and no hard feelings.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:22pm

  693. 693: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Radiant Rising,

    612 – “My good friend who is a Vietnamese born American married a Frenchman so he could get his green card. They have been married five years and I love them both.”

    There is a huge difference between two people who love each other marrying and helping each other vs. someone who uses another person for the sole purpose of getting a green card. I know of a woman in NYC who, as a teenager, agreed to marry a man for $5000 so he could get his green card. They never lived together, and I don’t think she ever met him. In that case, marriage was abused for the purpose of two people using each other.

    About 12 years later, federal agents found her and questioned her. The man had been planning to do something against this country, and they were trying to find him.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:25pm

  694. 694: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    691-Radlove one instance does not have to mean it will be the same in another. My friend and her husband DIDN’T marry for love at first, that is my point. They grew to love afterwards. This is not something easily gaugable. It boils down to some people have good intentions and some don’t. Such is human nature.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:31pm

  695. 695: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Radiant Rising,

    598 – I wonder who told you you can’t express your thoughts and feelings? I feel curious…did I say that? No. I wonder if Rori said that? No.

    What I see here is the trigger of “Middle Eastern”. Would it feel good to you if I were to state the negative things white people have done in the US?


    I used to be a social activist, in a peaceful, nonviolent way. I have been physically and sexually abused by cops, several times, during the 40+ times I was arrested.

    I saw a friend of mine bloody and bruised all over, after cops took him handcuffed into a room and beat him…then charged HIM with assault.

    I could go on, so let me know if you want more examples. I feel passionately about the injustices in this nation, and my conscience has felt shocked at a deep level. I discussed it for over 3 hours with Cop when I was dating him.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:41pm

  696. 696: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Radiant Rising,

    690- Thank you. I feel understood. And I will be more aware and sensitive in the future in how I refer to people of various nationalities. I also appreciate your sweet comments about me.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:42pm

  697. 697: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove (((HUGS))) Thank you. I appreciate it.
    The post you were referring to before was just me processing. It was not geared towards anyone.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:52pm

  698. 698: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Radiant Rising}}}

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 8:55pm

  699. 699: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Unduly in this case being stereotyping.

    Once facts are applied as a stereotype and presented in that context, they cease having value as “facts.”

    i feel appreciative of this reminder to vigilantly keep my xenophobia in check in the face of its insidious nature. We must rise above.

    I would even suggest that you instead choose to “glibly” trust your higher power and your brothers and sisters as true equals (something you have plenty of empirical evidence to support, I’m sure!), rather than glibly fear them because you have a little bit of evidence that bends your thought process, albeit glibly as you say, in an unfortunate direction.

    It may seem glib and casual but I really don’t actually find it to be okay. At the end of the day, there are few excuses for such destructive and ultimately violent thinking and speech that hold up in the court of logic. Like I said, xenophobia (and its sliblings like bigotry) is insidious by nature. This is how very intelligent people like you end up being influenced by it and spreading it, despite being extremely critical in thought, wise to the ways of the world, and full of love otherwise for your brothers and sisters on planet Earth. But I think that, if we can, once we know we’ve casually let xenophobia in without much of a fight (and no apology), we then have a responsibility for Peace and the emotional health of the human race, and no excuse or innocent justification is worth undermining that.


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:21pm

  700. 700: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    okay while i was typing up my comment, you guys seem to have covered all this without me.

    so um…. carry on :)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:23pm

  701. 701: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i lvoe the internet actually it doesnt rot my brain or prevent my connecting to ppl

    its been my SOULSAVER in findign rori, as well as access to all information like a personalized college

    and a way to talk to my family across teh world

    of this day and age that feels so ‘non magical’ before i discovered magic in me…

    the INTERNET and Computers are the magic thing i feel delighted about in this lifetime

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:24pm

  702. 702: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    htat comment about the internet hurt


    i wonder whatsup witht hat

    i feel sad like someone kicked ME


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:27pm

  703. 703: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I also wanted to say that i get the ‘child-like’ thing, and my speaking up about it is totally not about making anyone wrong or trying to embarrass anybody=/. It’s about weeding out hiding, tricky xenophobia from the garden.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:30pm

  704. 704: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really scared now that i said something.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:30pm

  705. 705: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    at the same time, i can easily go without internet…

    i hadnt read my emails for over 4 months since that “you shared margaret lynch’s stuff with ppl” incident on blog

    i just LOVE

    that i have access to it i feel like Lil Dexter in a spaceship and like Einstein and whats his name Stephen Hawking everytime i open my computer


    magic connector of our age that lets me talk to anyone in an instant and read all the libraries of the world in weightless form

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:33pm

  706. 706: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel dumb for not keeping up with the blog before I posted my comment. My NVs are biting at me, ouchiiiiiieeeeesssss.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:38pm

  707. 707: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I guess in general I have been feeling low value lately.
    hmm i will go brush my teeth and wash my face and vote for me and my value:)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:39pm

  708. 708: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sorry, RadLove. That must have felt like total overkill to read my comment after you and RadiantRising already shut the book on this. I took too long to compose the comment and didn’t see all the new comments when i hit ‘post’.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 9:45pm

  709. 709: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:


    I HUNGER for the post you made! Not to make anyone wrong, but because it is so important to be reminded of it! We as people are forgetful by nature. And we won’t know how to make these distinctions unless informed people like you don’t speak up. Hugs to all, and I hope you don’t feel bad. The universe felt it needed to be said, and do you did. :) Nothing more nothing less.

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:04pm

  710. 710: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry if im comin off mean

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:05pm

  711. 711: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i want to Byron Katie “racist people scare me”

    that would feel cool

    i feel resistant


    wheres my resistance to change tapping

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:07pm

  712. 712: Radiant RisingNo Gravatar says:

    Xenophobia and racism is a very fine and tricky line. It preys innocently and turns into something very ugly. It happens over and over again because it is not clearly explained so it gets forgotten and buried under the confusion of innocent thinking. I hear ya Starla. :)

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:11pm

  713. 713: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – “hey… i feel good you wana connect with me :) im feelin tired of emails, im only interested in meeting men in person now :)”

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:11pm

  714. 714: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “racist people are scary”

    if i didnt belive this, i coudl easily connect w racist people and talk to them and inspire them and help them heal

    ironically, i don’t really belive racist black or native ppl are scary

    im worried this might not work as

    a person is not ‘racist’

    almost everyone has some form of racism in their belief systems hmm

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:16pm

  715. 715: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    racist people are comforting

    well yeah, my godsis is racist and she’s comforting to be around sometimes it feels like being around a goddess

    mmm okayyyyyy

    but i already know

    what waoubt

    “racist square ppl are scary”

    “racist square ppl are comforting” – ok yea, it’s comforting to know that they won’t see me as bad because im not one of the races they likely dislike (unless they’re western european and they know im romanian)

    “racist square ppl are comforting” well yeah they can offer me cookies and be sweet old ladies at church clubs


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:19pm

  716. 716: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i pray that women soon take advantage of their unique ability to totally transform and heal the planet. we already have all the power just by being women. every last drop of it. all we would have to do is decide to exercise it.

    i pray for peace


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:25pm

  717. 717: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok in my PERSONAL experiene

    ‘racist square ppl are comforting” hmmmmmmmm

    ok theres that one racist girl and she was sweet to me


    racist square ppl are comforting… ok i find some of the blog ppl racist square ppl and they have comforted me

    *feelin scared and guilty to say that*


    im crying now somehwo

    omg ive been so racist

    i really want to stop bein racist against the ppl im racist against and

    i dont know how



    theres so many things i judge all the time from interior design ideas, to body shapes to houses, to pets, to tone of voice

    i couldn’t even listen to RORI at first bec of it

    i feel scared l!!! to write abt this

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:29pm

  718. 718: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im scared of romanian ppl more than im scared of any other ppl!

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:51pm

  719. 719: DariaNo Gravatar says:



    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 10:59pm

  720. 720: DariaNo Gravatar says:



    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:00pm

  721. 721: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i even feel racist seeing the face of a lil lady who stood up for 2 seconds in the audience of the video

    i want to stop this

    i feel scared to stop this

    i dont want to give up the fun and safety of being racist

    laughing at ppl for their mannerisms

    assuming waht theyre thinking

    banding together with like minded people in solidarity – feel sOOOOO good – and

    even raging and feeling good about myself for having been wronged or attackced and not being the bad one

    making it us against them

    what will my friends think

    i will lose them

    and i wont be able to communicate and inspire them to take them with me to this new mindworld (nto true)

    i dont want to be lonely again


    like i felt today

    id rather die

    i think

    what if i could heal all this

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:06pm

  722. 722: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im constantly judging people as superficial, glib, devoid of substance

    they could never get where im coming from

    theyre just jellly ppl with no soul inside

    ok ive healed some of thsi i wasn to heal ALL of it


    what will happen to me??? :(

    will my friends still like me?

    i love my friends?

    what if i wind up being a superficial glib substance less person

    what if ppl judge me that way – they already do,

    but they really CANT

    cuz my vibration and swag and way of speaking


    will i still have that?

    or will i forget i ever cared about my friends and become one of hte superficial pepole

    i feel scared of that!


    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:09pm

  723. 723: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i even judge ppl for NOT being racist like ur so blind


    i felt judgemental of the woman when she was reading her apology toward the end

    i was thinking like wow she sounds like she’s been brainwashed

    ok its ok daria

    this si not my fault

    these are just mind things

    tehy are healing now

    im choosing to heal them


    hating cops is what makes me ‘in’ and i made that sacrifice long ago



    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:12pm

  724. 724: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    jus cryin a whole lot

    Wednesday, 16 May 2012 @ 11:17pm

  725. 725: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel scary of these -ism-s and -phobias.. They trigger my not-enough feeling.. I feel scary of being not-enough for someone.. it’s like all talking to each other “you are not enough because of this” and youa re not enough for that and it feels scary.. I don’t want to feel not-enough about me, I don’t want anyone to feel not-enough about themselves… it feels sad.. very sad

    and also it feels like a lost in translation thing.. these phobias are like “you are different and I feel scared” .. And I feel like saying It’s ok.. I am a friend, I won’t hurt you… I choose to see people scared – not my not-enoughnes.. sigh

    love to me

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 12:09am

  726. 726: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    today felt sooo triggering

    so i went to sleep last nite thinking

    i dont have any plans for tomorrow, and this time i wnot ‘try’ to make any

    and yet, i found myself constantly online hoping some guy will see me

    i talked on the phone to men and texted online ALL DAY!!!

    i didnt get a BREAK at all!

    even right now there re men who are talking to me

    i feel exhausted

    an di fele awful!

    and i think its cuz i was doing a liver cleanse and feel toxic

    and also i havent showered in awhile and changed my sheets in a longer time than usual and that usually amkes me feel

    this sad angry tight buzzy feeling im feeling

    it felt SOO bad!

    like i just couldnt handle not DOING something to help myself feel better

    which is good, actually

    and i drank water thank you daria

    took herbs as planned thank you

    ate quail eggs thank you

    even brushed my hair in the morning, did i? im feelin lost

    and i received the attention of men

    none of whom came to see me

    i also got into very masc debaty energy kinda feeling

    like evne with my cds now, i feel all in my head and debaty

    and i leaned forward to compliment some men online rockstar and now

    im felein off

    what do i feel????


    i feel… exhausted

    i feel sleepy

    i feel alone

    this ‘alone’


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 1:12am

  727. 727: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i DO have energy to shower which in the past i would go some hella days feelin like this cuz im tired i would stay up on the computer not go to sleep tho AND feel hella tired and go to sleep in sheets that i know i will feel tired and not good wakin up cuz i didnt change em

    but right now im gonna go shower instead

    cuz ive freed up some of my masculine energy for takin care of me

    and ill chalk this day up to ‘in transit’ and take it to mean that my pond is muddy and about to clear to a beautiful new openess to receiving

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 1:13am

  728. 728: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i talked to like 2 or more pimps, abt 10 ppl lookin for sex, abt another 5 an more lookin for conversation

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 1:18am

  729. 729: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    also talked to my brother and a man who wants to marry me who’s gettin outa jail

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 1:19am

  730. 730: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    not to mention i watched the byron katie video and took some steps to heal my racism

    and also wrote about it rather openly and am actually not feeling all that uncomfortable about it

    maybe that video really did do some work for me

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 1:21am

  731. 731: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I hate that I have put this guy I’ve met on a pedastal. I am obsessing about him. I am thinking about him all the time. He lives next door to me and it is hell. I can’t escape him. I can’t get away from him. I don’t feel safe at home anymore. This is nuts. Why me? Why can’t I just be normal with a normal relationship??? I can’t stop thinking about him, its driving me up the wall… Plus he’s been so mean to me. I know he doesn’t owe me anything but still… Why can’t he at least be polite towards me? Why did I have to be so stupid and sleep with him. God, why was I so stupid?? He is giving me crumbs.. Actually he is not even giving me crumbs. He is treating me like I don’t exist..

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 1:37am

  732. 732: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Daria

    Wow, CD is flying you out to Florida!!! ??
    It menas he is there and inviting you? Or you go together from your town (sorry, there are some nyances in English, I am not so familiar with, so sometimes I get confused & misunderstand)

    It feels challenging, yet so cool…

    How are you dealing with the security issue?

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 2:39am

  733. 733: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    RE Emotion 664

    The job sounds great! I really wish you luck that you’d get it!!! You should pursue your dream, really!!!

    Anyway the gap year might be a good solution to take while starting pursuing your dream .. for your parents starting to get used to the idea you might start to do totally different things… So the information gets to them gradually. I don’t know if this is actually the best solution. But I myself have not been brave enough often in these things to tell about big changes abruptly.. and I tend to change my mind sometimes. So for now I have understood, it’s good to leave different possibilities open as well. But while you make going after your dream the most important.

    It seems to me you are really young (in the beginning of your twenties?).. so I think there is lots of time for you to change careers or try out many different activities.

    Wish you all the success!!!

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:10am

  734. 734: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    YAY! I SHOWERED and changed my sheets and even washed my hair

    this was my what i had planned for today!

    go D!!!

    and i just put creams on my face

    im feeling happy


    i felt so defeated in the shower tho

    i ccried hard and was prayin to God that i dont want to live anymore

    then i got a bit scared i would die so i ‘backtracked’ and chose to still live but experience the happiness of life

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:19am

  735. 735: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yes the CD is in Florida, and he’s flying me out

    im dealing with the safety issue by having him get me a hotel room the whole time :)

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:20am

  736. 736: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    not really concerned about ‘safety’ (he seems harmless enough)

    but more about feeling annoyed as i’ve felt annoyed with this guy online before

    but ive talked to him online for hella years

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:21am

  737. 737: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i dont want to be stuck in his house if i want to do the walk away

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:22am

  738. 738: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    from another CD who’s been showin up randomly givin me winks and luv’s online even wen he doesnt always message me. Randomly he messages me this tonite:

    “I truly have wanted to go see u but I don’t drive right now boo. Just know that I’m extremely interested and haven’t at all forgot about u. :)”

    awwwww he’s extremely interested heheheehe

    that feels sooooo good

    i LOVE how he wrote extremely interested hehehehehehe

    awww i just imagine him over there extremely interested

    hes cute too

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:25am

  739. 739: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Daria

    I feel the same exactly about going to see NZ CD — not too worried about safety, but to be annoyed or bored or stuck in his house.

    What I have already done, is to change my location in badoo to his city, and have already many other men i know in his town. In case I go there and I don’t like to be with him. Many of them offered me help with finding a job or renting a room for me etc. But if I’ll go it will be about me going to a new place. Not only to meet NZcd. :)

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:26am

  740. 740: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh he’s a pimp too but he wants to change lol im reading his statuses:

    (a lot of guys pimp as a hustle here in the bay around oakland california)

    “Do u know wut its like to be torn between to different lifestyles and thought processes? Wanting to love but not being able to trust! That’s were I’m at! I’d rather send U than allow U to break Me. #period I don’t care if yall judge me. Cuz I been kind to everyone. ”


    cutey booty i know what its like hehehe

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:30am

  741. 741: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    I must remind me of showering & changing the sheets too sometimes. Specially if spending most of the day at home at the computer and not really seeing people. I go jogging though but that doesn’t count as “going out” for me. It’s so good to sleep between clean good smelling & fresh sheets. :)
    But this evening I’m going out to visit a friend so.. I will have a nice bath now.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:31am

  742. 742: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ulii -ohhh renting a room for you sounds awesome!

    i want to ask men for help with that

    lately i forgot how to ASK

    the way it works for me is to ASK but dont expect it to come necessarily from the person i asked from! i had forgotten that and was gettin disappointed

    instead, just ask and it will come!


    and thank you for reminding me… i was going to change my profile status to Florida too!!!! such an awesome idea!

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:33am

  743. 743: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so that was the guys status awhile ago

    also to make it more clear “send her” is when a pimp send a girl out to get money

    “break him” means a girl is getting all of a guy’s money

    as in “break yourself triick!!!” lol

    so my 2nd status today was highly appreciated by men
    and i think it affected his status

    i put that i dont judge pimps and i believe in men

    ok this is what i said :

    “if u a pimp i wont judge u… just kno im here to get to kno men interested in marriage an supportin a family – i want lots of kids :) … i believe hustle is in the man not the circumstance so if i see u gettin it 1 way i trust you can get it AnyWay. i really mean that. i believe in men n their dreams ”

    and then i noticed his status 2 hrs ago was “believe in us!”
    and id like to think it was inspired by mine… :)

    and no wonder he’s writing me he probably was like omg she GETS me


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:39am

  744. 744: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I noticed that if i dnot change the sheets in over 3 weeks, i start feeling sluggish wakin up and my liver feels overburdened and i feel depressed like i did today

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:47am

  745. 745: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my plan is in action just like i dreamed, first florida then new york and then… brazil woo hoo :)

    now im goin to florida !

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:50am

  746. 746: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    there are SO many men that want to get married and be in love right now!


    im feelin life!

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:58am

  747. 747: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Chickies

    Usually I wake up, have my breakfast and morning coffee and settle my mind into having a good day and blog here with positive outlooks…

    But I had a night of Olympic sized negative voices rambling through my mind while I was trying to sleep and then woke to the dog wanting out side in the middle of the night…which is unusual…….how ironic. I don’t seem to be able to shake them as easily.

    I am anxious about taking my kids to see Sweety’s hometown. Though we have been planning this for a while, the weather is going to be great and a few things are planned, he has been sick the past few days for some reason and wants us to come anyway. I don’t know if I like that….I don’t want us to catch it….that might sound selfish but we are 4 and it would mean me running myself tired looking after everyone and then probably me if we catch it.

    I also ask myself if I really want to do this drive…and whether I’m talking myself into it…….I’m stuck back where I was yesterday…what am I doing with this trip…..why can’t I just see it in a lighthearted adventurous way……

    oh NVs are you just negative or is something asking to be processed……..

    sometimes it’s so hard trying to stay positive or just trying to trust what unfolds…….

    ick I am so not great at it.


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 3:58am

  748. 748: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    AG, if you don’t feel like going because you’re afraid to catch whatever he has, then don’t go.

    You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel good with.

    I know I tend to stay away from people when they are sick and vice versa.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:07am

  749. 749: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    …..more rambling…..more processing……

    I keep getting spooked by worries about the future and where this relshp is going…..because of the drive….and the gaps away. It’s not about infidelity….

    it’s about contradictions…..

    when we are together it’s such a great fit all around and I feel like I’ve found my soulmate when he is there or I am there…he is attentive to me, great with my kids…helps with everything in the day, goes the extra mile, is planning summer vacation with all of us and then just us two……..all good

    and then he has to leave to go back home to work for several days at a time and I feel on my own despite the texts thru the day and the evening phone calls….

    The contradiction is that despite his wanting to be with me/us on his time off, he has no plans to retire from his job in his hometown anytime soon and he feels obligated and tied to his sister and family and his mom….and he talks about selling his house but is planning to build a cottage on a lake in his home town as a play to stay when he is there and he wants to include me in the planning….

    It’s like there are two shades to the relationship….the apart/away time…and the together time…..

    and of course there is transition as one moves between them…

    I feel torn… I take the great with the not so great….the rain with the green lush gardens as Rori posted in a blog a few months ago….

    or is the constant switching too much for me? Do I want this for years to come? Will it shift to something more consistent as we get older, retire….etc.

    oh yuck…..I just feel yuck

    thank you for listening Sirens….I guess I knew I’d have to process this at some point with an LD right? lol


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:09am

  750. 750: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    thank you for the reminder and the reassurance. I guess there are two issues here….my rambling above (sorry sirens) …and yes the issue of whether we should travel when he is not feeling well…I do need to talk to him about that tonight…..


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:16am

  751. 751: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I keep thinking “he wants his cake and to eat it too”…meaning he wants to keep his life in his hometown and yet have a life with me……he wants both…..

    I know I’m projecting though…

    because maybe I’m doing the same thing…..want my life here with my work and kids, not willing to move,….yet want a man to cater to me….be here for me all the time without my having to budge…expecting him to……if he wants to be with me…..

    doesn’t seem realistic for him to leave his job and hometown to be with me……that’s what I rationalize

    and it sucks to do the have it both ways thing

    but maybe I have to remember that it’s not my problem….it ‘s his problem….if he wants to be with me he has to decide whether it’s part time (physically together) or full time…

    and then I have to decide if I can live with that.

    I don’t have to agree to anything i don’t want.

    Maybe I can handle this for now…..and see what happens……and not put a time limit on it….just stay in touch with how I feel and keep expressing that…..

    funny the monkey mind in my head…….NVs that need lots of cookies to keep them quiet

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:24am

  752. 752: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    AG, I love your rambling! :)

    And I know what you mean by being with someone long distance. It means long periods of solitude and lots and lots of communicating by phone, which I don’t like so much but accept it as part of the relationship.

    I think it’s nice that he wants to include you in the decision making re. the cottage although I can say that I can appreciate how confused you can be re. the switching back and forth.

    It doesn’t make one feel as safe as they should.

    I hope your conversation goes well tonight. Lots of things to say there.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:24am

  753. 753: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I need to own and honour and ‘like’ who I am, when that is so difficult as I do NOT like who I am. I always feel NOT good enough. I want everyone to like me and think that I’m wonderful. I look down my nose at me… I wish I could LIKE me… But I can’t…

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:27am

  754. 754: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Francesca..

    I have dated LD before…..distances even farther than this one……years ago…’s like these relationships land in my lap….i don’t go looking for them….

    I know some of you would say it’s because of a fear of intimacy….that LD feels as safe as it’s going to get….

    but I don’t think that’s it…

    the world just feels bigger…..more accessible…..I buy things on the internet from afar…I have friends all over the world…I feel like I live on planet EARTH not just in my hometown……and relationships are part of that…..

    when I’m anxious I know it’s oh “small minded
    -doesn’t want to think outside the box and trust” me sometimes lol

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:30am

  755. 755: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel invisible.
    I feel not good enough.
    It hurts

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:37am

  756. 756: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    So do I, AG.

    I hate borders and I wish the world would just be an open place where we can travel easily without the hassle.

    There are some good and not so good sides about dating LD.

    Good sides for me include being able to do my stuff when I’m on my own and being less stressed. Also, I like that since we don’t get to see each other often, we really appreciate each other when we do because we have missed each other.

    Bad sides include being scared that something bad would happen to him at work or that he would meet someone else.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:43am

  757. 757: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Aurora Girl – I too live on planet earth and plan on living at least 3 places at once thousands of miles apart

    I want my man to be there in person with me where I’m at on planet Earth

    I’m sure you are learning lots about what you want and dont want, and what your ideal relationship looks like by dating this guy.

    I’d feel glad to hear you were CDing… Or talked w him about wat you’d like in a relationship as far as living together and moving forward and he’s started stepping up and offering that and more.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:44am

  758. 758: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Why am I so angry at him?
    Why am I so full of fear and anger towards him?
    Why can’t I relate to him peacefully?

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:46am

  759. 759: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow it felt challenging to write from my heart not head(2nd half)

    I noticed I wanted to go into scare tactics like threatenibg doom, proving, shame n making wrong

    Thank u Daria for practicing something different

    ((((( Daria )))))

    Daria you rock

    I know everyone tells u that but I want you to hear it from Me

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 4:52am

  760. 760: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Just had phone call from Giggling CD , and yes he giggled and lamely trailed off his sentences and his voice kept disappearing into a muffled mumbling . Said it was his phone , but I think he just speaks that way.

    Oh I wish i wasnt so judgmental but I dont want to date a giggling girlish , mealy mouthed man with a beard. But I am working on lots of practice and exposure to different types of people, and probably he is just shy.

    So when he suggested talking again some time soon if I wanted to , I asked him out right if he actually wanted to meet . I said , actually i would feel better meeting, what do you think?

    Then he dilly dallied around for another five minutes saying he definitely wanted to meet , and there were some places he knew and we could think about it and i could let him know and it could be neutral distance or I could come near him.. and I just waited till he got through all that and eventually he realised how lame it all sounded , and manfully suggested a day , a time and would get back to me with “some ideas”..all for a quick coffee .sigh.. Such hard work just to set up a coffee date.

    I should have said , ‘it would feel better if you drove to me’ but to be honest i was exhausted by the end of this performance and felt relieved that Giggleman had actually got out a real date invitation actually spoken out loud.

    It felt like child birth..long and painful :)
    Which does give me pause to wonder about the coffee date !

    ChopperCD and I had a wonderful night last weekend and I noticed myself wanting him to step up more and suggest more dates. Instead this week is relative silence , except for an email that confusingly mentioned ” withdrawing from all the emotional stuff”.

    I am uncertain whose emotional stuff he meant but can only assume its his . i am not leaning forward to inquire as i am feeling drama free . I suspect he is juggling lots of issues..ex has been in contact (he ended it months ago), new job , and great date with me. I feel very happy and relaxed as i expressed my feelings of enjoyment of his company etc and willingness to date but not to be FWB. It feels great to have stated clear boundaries and feel detached from the outcome.

    There are other fish to fry.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 5:00am

  761. 761: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I still text with men, whom I would consider my guy friends….and there is some flirting…but they know about LD and aren’t overstepping any boundaries…..and I get together with them over coffee and LD knows they are friends….and I have women friends too and business partnerships with men

    LD has acknowledged that he knows I could meet someone here…he has not crowded me in any respect

    and that’s the thing…he’s amazingly respectful and continues to step up……

    but you are right…I need to be more clear in my own head about what I want and can live with……right now and in the next while…….

    I don’t want to be “talked into” anything or pursuaded because it looks good…..

    I have to really be honest about my feelings and not just be about wanting it to be positive all the time……

    thank you sirens!
    Aurora (work in progress :) )

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 5:01am

  762. 762: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    “I don’t want to be “talked into” anything or pursuaded because it looks good…..”

    Exactly, AG.

    You are first and foremost the captain of your heart.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 5:18am

  763. 763: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    SmartCD said last time when we saw each other: you are not pushy or demanding and I hear everything you say to me.

    He also said that I am a mystery to him. He said (that part is not so flattering): I don’t know if you don’t know what you want or you just don’t say it. Then he asked me several simple questions about my plans for the next day and I answered, didn’t even realize we were still on the same conversation and then he says: oh you know what you want, I get very articulate answers. So you just don’t say it.

    This is not flattering!!! I have to work on this.

    Can’t decide whether to contact him after 4 days of silence or wait longer till he reaches out to me… errr. It doesn’t help the connection to have such a long break, especially after he visited me in another country, kept in touch this month when I was away.. errr!

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 5:23am

  764. 764: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    thank you for that reminder.
    Funny I have some things in my life where i am very clear about what I want and don’t want….and then there are others where it’s a work in progress and not so definitive…..

    especially things where surprises can show up and usually do (like LD!)…..

    I know I don’t have control over everything and need to trust…..oh finding the balance can be tricky!

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 5:51am

  765. 765: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He also said that I am ‘not confrontational’. I felt surprised he even started this conversation.

    But now I feel like expressing that I don’t like no contact for 4 days.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 6:04am

  766. 766: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, please watch Dominique’s video here. It might give you some precious insights.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 6:09am

  767. 767: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    AG @ 758

    “Funny I have some things in my life where i am very clear about what I want and don’t want….and then there are others where it’s a work in progress and not so definitive…”

    I feel the same way but I think it’s fine that way. I think everyone is a work in progress.

    As long as we change for the best, there’s nothing wrong with that.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 6:13am

  768. 768: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca, thank you, that was comforting 😉

    I haven’t decided 100% that I should not call or text, because he expressed a while ago that I could initiate sometimes too, but I’d feel more comfortable to hear from him. It’s not like it’s uncomfortable to initiate, not anymore, but I’d feel better to hear from him. Also, it feels upsetting that he is not sending even a text.. like hiding something ;(

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 6:24am

  769. 769: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – Please try not to make things up. You have no idea if he’s hiding something, and until he proves himself otherwise, stay with the thought that all is well.

    Maybe he’s been busy, preoccupied. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything negative that he’s not initiating. It may not register within him that it’s been awhile.

    Making up bad feeling stories only makes you feel bad. So if you’re going to make it up, make it up good.

    I apologize for not remembering how long you’ve been seeing this man and whether or not you are exclusive. If you are, and you’ve been together for awhile, it’s okay to initiate now and then if you feel moved to. It’s not okay to do so if you’re coming from a “I feel neglected place,” a “why haven’t you called ME” place. He will feel the resentment from you.


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 6:38am

  770. 770: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    How’s this for a Freudian slip:

    I just tried to go to Best Buy’s website, and typed in instead. Hehehehe.

    Feeling tremendously amused at my sly pointer finger.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 7:15am

  771. 771: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Loving your typo Brandylion; there should be a site for best guys…


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 7:33am

  772. 772: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – I feel curious, who is this new guy?? Sounds like someone you work with. Does he have a “name” yet?

    ReceivingGirl #437 – I’m sure you know that eating healthy is not a “problem.” But in your case it is the SOURCE of the problem, because eating healthier foods has reduced your body’s tolerance for “junk” foods. I have the same thing. I stopped eating fast food over 10 years ago. And I tried once a few years ago, thinking it would be okay, and felt massively sick afterward. So I said okay, I’m just not going to eat that anymore. There is lots of other food I can eat. Not eating fast food, to me, is not a “problem.” My (your) body is telling me (you) that it doesn’t like the food. So the best thing you can do is to take care of your body by giving it foods that it likes and not giving it stuff that makes it feel sick. If you are not willing to do this, then you can go ahead and switch your diet back to lots of unhealthy foods. But I think you know where that is going – weight gain, high blood pressure, depression, the works. Listen to your body. That’s the best advice I can give you. Or don’t. It’s up to you. But whether or not you want to eat junk food at a party seems kind of silly if you’re talking about actually getting sick afterward, don’t you think? Not a judgment. It just actually made me laugh to read your post, and that’s why I responded… 😀

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 8:56am

  773. 773: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity 754
    I enjoyed reading about your experiences and feel amused at your descriptions!!
    Aww you are so nice to the giggling guy…I admire your kindness and patience. Yes he is probably just nervous, but you gave him a chance to try and express himself… (((gigglingCD))).

    I like what you said about feeling drama free….I feel this way too. I don’t want any drama.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 8:57am

  774. 774: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Lol! sounds great!!

    I want to go to that store, too… ; )

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 8:58am

  775. 775: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon – I LOVE this: “Hello research study participants…” – I’m going to borrow that, if it’s okay, and use that as a core principle of Circular Dating….Love, Rori

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:03am

  776. 776: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Tiffany!! :-)
    Yes it is the guy at my work that I was mentioning! I have not come up with a name for him yet…but I will see him today…I have not felt inspired yet to name him. WE shall see. He is so sweet though and very giving! He’s a lil “immature” like goofy kinda…but you know what it lightens me up a bit and maybe I need that!!

    Receiving Girl and Tiffany….I struggle with junk food now and then but I feel soo much better when I stay away!!!

    FW omg I did not know you were Jamaican! :-)
    Love it. 😀

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:07am

  777. 777: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Carol – This is how it is. Either love it (some women are fine with a part-time man) or try something else. You can quit and leave, or you can go for polyamory and get a few men around you part time. Some women are in heaven with this kind of arrangement – sort of a group of “husbands.” Only thing is – there will be other women in the group too – that’s what polyamory is. You can create your own model of however you want things to look. Love, Rori

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:07am

  778. 778: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    So here are a couple of cool insights/notices/takeaways that I got after my run-in with recently-married-not-showing-me-the-respect RoBoat:

    1) The answer is: take care of myself.

    Even when I was EMBROILED in a certain kind of rage and hatred and anger toward him, the thought that followed that feeling, and my instinct was to be really, really, really, good to myself. Take a nice shower, make myself look pretty, whatever it was. It didn’t make the feelings go away, but it reminded me that *I* am important – and he is nothing to me at all. (And, btw, I am not really feeling anything at/about him at the moment. If anything, it’s a trickle. Just a vague sense of, “he’s not good for me.”)

    2) I noticed was that, in his absence and in his confirmed jerkiness wherein I ceased to believe that he was in any way a viable option, I noticed that the guys that I currently have coming toward me, and asking for my time and showing me affection and attention are MUCH BETTER guys!! They are nice guys. They are men who have principles, who treat me well, and who seem to be demonstrating that they like me and want me for the right reasons. Yay!!!

    I feel SUPER happy about that. :-)

    And I feel so touched by all these nice guys, I just don’t even know how I am ever going to pick just one!! But I suppose the “right” one will reveal himself to me, then the time comes. I don’t have to know ahead of time. It’s probably better if I don’t! It would ruin the surprise. ; ) Meanwhile, I am being surprised constantly by the nice things/guys that are showing up for me….Yay!

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:11am

  779. 779: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    yesterday I did some “Work” on the belief: “I am not worth showing up for.”

    It was necessary, because I realized that *I* have to take responsibility for the fact that, even though I don’t *believe* that I have a problem with not showing up or being late, in fact, I do have a habit of doing these things – always with a good excuse – but a “habit” nonetheless.

    And so I worked on it, and got to the core of the issue, or the pain, and then when I turned it around, it felt so great! I love the grounded, mature, solid feeling that comes with the belief that “I am worth showing up for,” which is true, even if someone else DOESN’T “show up” for me. right? How great is that!?

    I know, basic stuff. But it feels really good!!

    And then I started to notice how people do show up for me. And I was early to an appointment yesterday. And then not one – but TWO guys showed up for dates for me yesterday!! Hooray!

    With one guy, I thought I blew the whole thing completely. I got upset when he tried to take a fancy detour while driving me, and it really threw me off. I was adamant that we take “my route.” But to me, this was a very strong “gut” feeling, and I need to honor those feelings when I have them, otherwise, it can be very upsetting, and usually there is some good reason I don’t know about in addition to the ones I do (like for example traffic or construction). So he went with me on that. And afterward, I felt embarrassed by my reaction. But I still honored my feelings and left it to the Universe to show me what would happen next. And guess what – he was texting me just a few hours later! lol. So I guess I didn’t turn him off completely. Whew! Girl is learning how to worry much less. Hooray!

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:22am

  780. 780: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Awwww Rori I feel so honored that you would like to use my words. FEEL FREE 😀

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:29am

  781. 781: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – You sound so happy and giggly when you are talking about your work guy! Yay! :-)

    And I don’t consider myself to have a problem with “junk” foods. We weren’t allowed to eat them much growing up, so I was never used to them, even though I liked it. I have a pretty big sweet tooth and I love carbs. But I try to do it all in moderation. I rarely buy chips or soda. Maybe twice a year. lol. The main time that I WILL eat them is at a party. But there is usually other food, so it doesn’t make me feel sick.

    I literally haven’t eaten fast food in many years and I never miss it. In fact, just thinking about it makes me feel ill, and that’s enough of a deterrent! lol

    I was hoping that my experience might help ReceivingGirl. It’s definitely more of a mind-shift, I think. At some point, you stop thinking of junky foods as “food” and start moving toward other stuff that just makes you feel better. But I agree that the emotional attachment to certain foods can be very strong, and that’s probably what she’s dealing with…

    Does that sound right, RG?

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:30am

  782. 782: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you everyone of you who supports me going after my dream and my happiness. :-)

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:35am

  783. 783: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Hm….Rori’s words have made me wonder if I am kind of “polyamorous” right now. I guess that’s true! But I don’t consider myself to be “poly” generally. I really just want ONE man – ONE husband. And I want to be THE PARTNER – not one of several. That feels diluted to me.

    Right now, I might have several “husbands”/partners/dates. But some of them are more like “suitors.” And some are for play/practice. And some are just nice guys. Exploring dating and myself.

    I think it’s okay. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. But it feels better to have all these guys who like me than to be totally alone. But that’s okay too, sometimes.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:36am

  784. 784: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    You’re welcome, Emoticon! What’s your dream? lol

    Anyway, who was it – SMB? – who was wondering what to do about a guy who had no picture on his profile?

    Normally, I don’t engage much with guys if they have no picture. And if they don’t, then I pay attention to the writing. I might ask for a picture, but sometimes that feels weird – like he should be the one to offer.

    And a while ago, I took a chance and I met up with a guy from OK Cupid who had no photo on his profile. He didn’t even have a lot of writing! I just liked his direct, no-nonsense approach, and I guess I got a generally safe feeling from him. I also accidentally called him while saving his number in my phone, and we ended up having a cute conversation. lol : D

    Well, when we met, turns out that he was really cute! I mean, REALLY CUTE. He’s STILL really cute (I just saw him yesterday ; )

    But even though he is very, very attractive, the sense that I get is that he is someone who reveals himself slowly. It’s been almost a year and I am still getting to know him. lol And his personality is also not the texting-me-every-day type. So I never know when I will hear from him next. But I never worry about it, either. Because when he does, he shows up 100% + a bottle of wine. ; ) He has depth and character and I enjoy spending time with him. But I don’t have to know right now if he is a good partner long-term. He will either show me, or someone else will show me. But right now I just enjoy really liking how I feel. And nothing feels tense with him, either, which is nice. he’s never asking me questions that feel invasive or uncomfortable. He never pressures me to do anything I don’t like or don’t want to do.

    And in return, I must say that…I actually enjoy pleasuring him. It’s rather nice. : ) But I’m quite sure that he pleasures me way more than I pleasure him….it’s about 80/20 ; ) And very, very pleasant. : )

    So my point was…it’s not like I am going to marry this guy tomorrow. But not every guy who hides his picture online is ugly or creepy. Sometimes it’s just a guy who wants to be known for his personality – not his looks. Trust your feelings and go with your gut, as always. You know best!! :-)


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 9:52am

  785. 785: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 10:16am

  786. 786: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    My dream is to pursue a career in music (and hopefully other artforms) instead of becoming and Actuary (which si the path im on right now)

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 10:18am

  787. 787: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    I’m just popping in for a quick update. Sweet Man is still planning to move in with me in September and he has introduced me to his extended family. He is also using the M word a lot. I can’t believe how long it took him to say the L word, but the M word followed quickly afterwards. I’m still not keen on the M word. And he actively, but gently, tries to change my mind. Who knows, someday he might succeed.

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 5:13pm

  788. 788: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I”m glad to hear the update. I assume the M word is married?

    I can understand your trepidation around it……..

    I hope it keeps evolving the way you’d like it too.


    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 6:24pm

  789. 789: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon – Your dream is Awesome!! I totally do support you!! And I know you can do it!!!!! :-)

    Friday, 18 May 2012 @ 12:32am

  790. 790: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 788: Aurora Girl:

    Yes, the M word is married. He has told me repeatedly that he intends to marry me. I already have the relationship I want. Marriage is the relationship he wants. Perhaps that will happen, but I am in no hurry to commit to that. I’ve got to get my girl through college first.

    Friday, 18 May 2012 @ 6:17am

  791. 791: IzzyNo Gravatar says:

    This makes me feel inspired: “if I’m being a goddess warrior I just walk away and jump on my horse and ride off into the sunset and disappear into the graceful tropical palms.”

    Tuesday, 22 May 2012 @ 7:04am

  792. 792: AmazingNo Gravatar says:

    dear Rori.your tools are famtastic!and now I also have to deal with 20 years of grown up life where I should have felt more,a despair of ;can I really change NOW?and that last bad guy who broke my heart hardly(and hopefully it was the last bad guy)
    I love your tools-but it seems so impossible to start when old stuff is just coming and coming and coming…seems like I was the dust bin of all mad love ever.But I won t give up-yet!

    Wednesday, 23 May 2012 @ 1:04am

  793. 793: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Rori says, “if my husband said to me one of his top 5 things was women – How I’d feel and respond might have a LOT to do with “context” – what made him say it, how he was behaving around me just before he said it, what he did after he said it, what feelings got triggered in me…all of that.

    I could take it as a personal slam at me in some insidious, insensitive way – or I could take it as a glowing tribute to women and his appreciation of them.

    I don’t know what I’d feel in that moment, or what I’d do, but I’d mightily consider choosing the more upbeat options.

    And I see that you chose to take it as a personal affront.”

    I feel really triggered by this. The poster is a unique person with her own thoughts and feelings.
    And I feel triggered and confused that he lied is trying it on with another woman and shut her down not caring about her feelings if what we want is honesty empathy and not to share are man with other women surely we would just state I feel hurt jealous and uncared for. I don’t want to feel hurt or jealous and only want a relationship based on honesty where I feel cared for and don’t share my mans time or attention with any other women. You are entitled to live your life however you want. Our needs don’t appear to be compatible here. What do you think?

    What do you think?

    Thursday, 5 July 2012 @ 11:50am

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