Dark Nights Of The Soul Are Sometimes Required

   

intimacyI know it feels awful, but an emotional meltdown every once in a while is kind of essential to the process of moving toward feeling more alive.

If you can write it all out, journal it, speak it out loud to yourself – that says you have resources, skills, and that this part of the process is something you’re willing to move through.

You can’t go deep without encountering the “dark night of the soul.” It’s what makes us feel connected to the profound.

You can’t dance around what you need to say to a man. You can’t pretend you don’t want what you want.

Speaking the truth of what you feel and what you want is a totally different thing from “neediness” and “desperation.”

In fact, the sheer bravery of speaking out loud what’s already in your thoughts and heart is testament to your courage and confidence and comfort within yourself.

If you’re feeling horribly frustrated with a man you’ve been with for a very long time – instead of telling him what you want him to do, you might really go full bore with the truth by saying:

“I mean I seriously almost just want to blurt out horrible things to you, I feel like slapping you, shaking you, yelling at you…”

The point of going for broke here and being totally truthful with him is to learn this valuable skill.

It’s about bringing things to “a head” (yes..like a pimple). It’s about saying the “elephant in the room.”

And it’s about making the decision that what you want is for either the relationship to move forward, or for you move on – with new skills and strengths.

Some might call it an “ultimatum.”

Some might call it a “declaration of intent.”

I think it’s easier just to call it “moving to getting clearer about what I want and don’t want…”

Sometimes you have to feel around for it. It doesn’t just show up with a bang, fireworks, written across the sky….

The goal here is for you to learn to WANT a man who WANTS you! And, along the way, you’ll simply need to find out what’s what…..

Love, Rori

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826 Comments to “Dark Nights Of The Soul Are Sometimes Required”

  1. 1: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow great article Rori! I feel renewed courage to speak from the heart about what I want…perfect timing since I have some new CDs and I want to be authentic from the start…

    Friday, 22 February 2013 @ 11:29pm

  2. 2: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Love the pimple analogy!

    I just think a lot of men are terrified of pus!!
    ( strong emotions let out by a woman in their presence)

    The skill is to find a man who doesnt run from a bit of pimple sqeezing and understands a descriptive emotional display is NOT evidence of being “psycho” or “dramatic” , does NOT require him to fix it, and is wholesome and healthy for the relationship ..SOMEtimes.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 12:19am

  3. 3: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirenity!
    Yes great analogy and agin a reminder from Rori to be honest and brave….. Feels so freeing!

    I will be honest and brave when it comes to talking to my CDs about what I want ….

    I am attracting higher quality of men…

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 12:23am

  4. 4: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    In my marriage my ex labelled any discussion of my wants or hopes or desires as “nagging” . And believe me this was not nagging, just an attempt to open discussion. He would physically leave . I now realise that emotions and wants were taboo in his family and that he was TERRIFIED that any attempt to discuss what I wanted was in fact reflecting on him not making me happy and if emotion was attached , eg my anger , he would disappear from the situation. He was totally unskilled in handling any sort of pimple at all. I was only a little better myself.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 12:24am

  5. 5: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow sirenity that sounds like it would be very hard to live with…

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 12:36am

  6. 6: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    ExoticCD has got me so turned on and excited to see him again!
    JayzCD is so patient and kind and not pushy even tho I keep putting him off…only cuz I’ve been so busy but he wants to see me too :-)

    I feel a change I the air…
    With men, job, etcetera

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 12:43am

  7. 7: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay I’m diggin it !

    My mom cut my hair and it’s feeling so good !

    I’m goin skiing w her n fam friends tomorrow

    I feel happy :)

    I feel anxious

    I feel god about myself

    My spirit feels so strong

    It’s like I’m reading a book of mysteries

    My wings are healing

    I got invited to join a record label

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 12:45am

  8. 8: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson I love all your CD names..you sound energised.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 12:58am

  9. 9: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Daria Hi!

    Sounds like you get to travel some more. Have fun and love to your family .
    Sounds like you are getting on well with your Mum just now.

    I just had the most amazing holiday with my sons . I decided to challenge myself and just do scary wild stuff.

    We kayaked and sailed and took a helicopter up and hiked a glacier, we rode quad bikes down a river bed , and white water rafted down grade 3-4 rapids (they only go to 5!)

    So at 53years young I had the most amazing , challenging , exhilerating and fun time!! We did a real old fashioned 12 day family road trip..something for us all to remember now they go down their own paths in life.

    I feel so good !
    I feel totally recovered at last!
    I say YES to life..and BRING IT ON!!!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 1:04am

  10. 10: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens, I feel a little weird posting because I’ve not been on the blog for a while and a little nervous too, my nvs are telling me no one on the blog will respond to me :(

    Well things are moving forward with amb cd, I feel so alive. It’s full of fun and affection and really feels amazing. I’ve been feeling so proud of myself ‘using the tools’ so to speak.
    I feel inspired when I have more time (I’m trying to buy a house) to tell you all about many magical moments.

    Any way my question is that he said he was going to sell the house in April. He texed to ask his ex what she thought they should do as they own it together. She hasn’t replied so he said I guess we just keep renting it out.

    I trust that he knows what to do around this and when he needs to sell he will. A lot of reasons for not selling are financial. He has told me when he does sell he would want to buy a family home withsome else and get a dog. He then said jokingly “you do like dogs don’t you” so I saw that as letting me know he’s thinking of a future with me. Plus he’s said lots of other future thinking talk and asked me on holiday with him.

    I’m choosing trust. But part of me thinks is this going to get me hurt in the long run? Dominique, maybe you could help me with this one please? I would feel more relaxed if he didn’t still have a house with his ex and they were divorced. He knows this and his moving it forward at his own speed so I just need to relax and go with the flow yeh? I just feel a little disappointed because maybe I had expectations around him selling it because he said he wanted to and now he’s not because his ex is avoiding it. All his money is locked into the house and he is suffering financially because of it which is affecting our day to day stuff around him having money.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 1:44am

  11. 11: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I so feel this post! Rori is so on point about getting those feelings inside of you OUT. And when you speak your feelings to the person in your life/heart/desire you are allowing your “being” to determine your own path. So yes call it ultimatum . . . Whatever, its about you and your beautiful life continuing. Speaking the feelings you are experiencing is controlling your own living. I love this! Thank you Rori!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 3:42am

  12. 12: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, I feel so happy for your joy with your cd!! I understand that feeling that he is tied down to this house and can’t move on into the future with you until it is done. But what about now? I feel its okay to be happy with him now. You already have that joy each day receiving his emotions from him. Trust the now and the urgency of any expectations won’t matter as much. Enjoy the baby steps of your present! Focus on the good feelings he is giving now and you will find you have created a safe space for you and him! Let him deal with the future of the house while growing emotionally more and more now. He will make a way for you two to continue together :) it sounds so beautiful between you now. Embrace that and enjoy

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 3:54am

  13. 13: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies,

    So the latest is, he is NOT going to the barbecue that that female friend invited him to. He is going to watch the rugby with some guy friends at the pub. I can’t tell you how relieved I feel.

    I didn’t say anything about any of it, which I feel good about. I think it’s the POTENTIAL for this kind of situation to occur which had me upset.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 4:05am

  14. 14: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie (from previous thread)

    No, we are not in an exclusive relationship in the strict sense. We *were*, and then we broke up.

    We spend a lot of time together. Yet no, I have no standing to tell him who he can and cannot see, or to ask him not to go. He’s been pretty upfront with me that it is his prerogative to go where he wishes when he wishes, yet his sweetness and his attention to me is unfailing. And he has not been with anyone else, and I have total security that he would not be, pigs would fly sooner, as long as I am around.

    But saying the words? Forget it. He’s not that kind of man.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 4:12am

  15. 15: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    Yeah, I am Circular Dating in the sense that I am very independent and I do my own thing a lot. If I met men whilst doing this I would certainly flirt with them, and accept dates if they asked.

    But falling in love with any of them? I don’t see it happening. I am not opposed to the idea in theory, but D is such a good fit for me and our relationship, though “uncommitted” traditionally, satisfies so many of my needs, that whatever came along would have to be pretty exceptional.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 4:17am

  16. 16: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    I really battle to explain D to people because he confounds so many of people’s traditionally held ideas about guys, and yet confirms so many others.

    He even said to me, during one of our “casual” or shall I say “uncommitted” periods in our relationship last year, when I pushed him for some kind of reassurance, he said “I am more committed to you than most married couples”. And it wasn’t long after that that we were exclusive and committed.

    And yet, here we are, not “exclusive”, yet we are. He would not so much as make a play for a girl now, which he has told me, and I know he has had opportunity and he is good looking and rich. So really I don’t know what to say. I’m as secure as I can be. And yet I’m “not”.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 4:25am

  17. 17: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity 2

    I really had to smile at your description of men who call a woman “psycho” for speaking of strong emotions.

    I know numerous guys like that.

    However I think it perhaps reflects a lack of confidence on the part of the woman speaking her feelings. A woman who owns her feelings, and is not ashamed of them, yet is able to speak them with power and strength and calmness, is awe-inspiring. And I think there is a part of a man which is truly awed by, and respects, a woman who can handle her emotions in a strong and masterful way.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 4:32am

  18. 18: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and meanwhile, I have the most amazing day planned for myself! Not even thinking about D at all!

    Went for a gorgeous ride on my horse this morning and have a wonderful Saturday ahead of me. Yay :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 4:35am

  19. 19: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Lovealways 12, oh this is so lovely to read, thank you so much. It’s just what I needed, a reminder of the ‘now’ and to stay present, which mostly I am. Everynow and then little insecurities wash over me and im learning to just acknowledge them and see them on their way. I love that I’m creating an emotionally wonderful space with him. The connection truly feels amazing. Thank you again :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 5:42am

  20. 20: BeLovedNo Gravatar says:

    I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of my loooong dark night of the soul.
    This morning I sat in front of a full-length mirror, looked myself in the eyes, and told me that I love me, that I know every single thought I’ve ever thought, deed I’ve ever done, every mistake I’ve ever made, every triumph, I know me, I get me and I love me.
    I was bawling as I called out all of those things I’ve done that I thought were so horrible.
    I felt a sweet release to see my own pain in my own eyes and love it.
    It felt so good to be seen by ME, and to hold my own gaze and the beauty in my own eyes looking back at me, loving me for loving C the way I do, loving me for loving him when it makes no sense!

    I remember sitting across from C and feeling horrible and telling him,
    “I feel like I want to f*ck you and beat the hell out of you at the same time!”

    I love him for wanting to be there for me, even when it was painful for him. I love him for wanting to be as much as I needed as he could for me.
    I love myself for having the courage to acknowledge my impolite and Not Nice feelings and thoughts.

    I don’t know how, I only know there is nothing I cannot or will not love or forgive about myself.

    I don’t know how, I only know I am ready for real love.

    I love and accept the feelings of revulsion and fear and offer up gentle baby kisses all up and down the bright lines of energy that come up when I make these declarations.
    I bless and bless these thoughts and feelings and judge them no more.

    And so it is.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 5:53am

  21. 21: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Indigo, I really admire the confidence and lack of insecurity you feel in your “situation” with D. You are a unique woman. Not too many would feel the same security with a man who refuses to say the words. I get the feeling it’s a combination of intuition and confidence in your case. I can’t say I could have that same level of confidence in the same situation. In fact, I know I didn’t when I was in a similar boat… you are way ahead of the curve.

    My curiosity lies in two places. 1- WHY is he so fearful to utter the words and give the (obvious) relationship the label and 2- why did you feel so panicked over him going to that barbeque with that woman if you truly had no fears around it? I am curious to hear more from you on this.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 6:42am

  22. 22: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Indigo, I want to add that I have been there… in that spot where things weren’t really the way I wanted them to be, but I had the intuitive, gut instincts to stick with it, while everyone around me was set on “warning” me about the fact that I was “putting up” with things I shouldn’t have, taking crumbs etc. There was a little voice inside of me that just wouldn’t allow me to fully dismiss this man from my life and it turned out in my case, it was because he WAS “the one”. I knew it despite also having the intuitive knowledge that there was a lot going on under the surface that I didn’t understand. I was willing to wade through it and let it all play out. I had patience. I also forced myself to CD, which ultimately continued to reinforce my belief that I was correct in letting my other situation organically work itself out. In other words, the more I dated and met people, the more I knew I’d already found “the one” for me. So it served a dual purpose really. Looking back, it was an incredibly difficult and often painful period- but the reward was sweet.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 6:59am

  23. 23: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Joanne – I don’t know how old you are – but if you’re “fighting” – then neither of you are mature enough for a relationship. You go first. Learn about my way of using words, learn non-violent communication and stop fighting and arguing. Love, Rori

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 7:01am

  24. 24: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Hey CurvySiren

    Thank you so much for your reply. And thank you for saying that I am way ahead of the curve. Actually I think my confidence and security comes from the fact that I value integrity and loyalty so much… when I can trust someone’s feelings for me in that deep down way, it’s something I intuitively know. And although I may get a bit shaky and wobbley on a more surface level, I have that solid foundation. Also D has had many, many opportunities to be with someone else, without doing anything “wrong” and he hasn’t. It’s got to the point where, if someone has been absolutely consistent for 2 and a half years, eventually your insecurity does go away or simmer down dramatically.

    As to your questions: 1- This is the part I struggle to explain to people. D is extremely strong-willed, it’s what gives him that fierce integrity and loyalty, but he won’t do something just because someone has asked him to. In fact, the more you push and prod and pressure, the less likely he is to do it, and I have pushed and prodded a whole hell of a lot (I’m not proud of that, but what can you do). And it’s also a case of, he’s not a verbal person. He doesn’t put much stock in words. He’s only said I love you to two girls ever (one of them being me) and he tends to work his feelings out internally. He hates people prying into his feelings. He’s a man of action. If we were together long enough he would say the words eventually, because he has before, but it would be maybe once, and in passing. He really just doesn’t like talking about these things. In this way he’s different from every other guy I’ve ever known, and maybe why I feel so safe with him.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 7:05am

  25. 25: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    2 – This is a by-product of, I love him so much. I know nothing would ever happen between him and this girl, or any other girl there, yet this woman is one of those women who makes my skin crawl a bit. She has no female friends, only a bevy of male friends, and likes to be the centre of attention. The idea of her simpering and flirting and batting her eyelids makes me feel sick to my stomach.

    It makes me want to growl my lioness growl…

    So yeah, he knows I don’t like that he’s friends with this woman, and although they rarely see each other I just can’t help that I don’t trust her and she makes me feel uncomfortable. It’s more also because he doesn’t even like to mention that she’s invited him to something because he knows I don’t like it.

    Bit of insecurity there, I admit. It is getting better. I hope ;)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 7:11am

  26. 26: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Wow CurvySiren # 22, I want to reach through cyberspace and give you a huge high five or a hug, this is EXACTLY how I feel!!

    I’m so glad you put this into words. It is identical to how I feel.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 7:13am

  27. 27: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo and Curvy Siren, wow, your posts really resonate with me and I so so understand your situations and can identify with them. yet I feel so sad that in my case with a very similar scenario things never worked out.
    I am happy that every story can have a different ending, alas mine kind of sucked. haha.

    I was also trumpeting how much Curly wants to be with me and how he would always take me along to any party and got my ‘reward’ today.
    We had planned to go into the city for an event. Suddenly he says ‘tomorrow will be better’…oh and a friend (bachelor) bought him a ticket for a party, and would I mind if he went…but he feels unsure since he doesn’t want to mes up things with us.
    Well, I was pissed because we had planned to spend the day together, but in the end that is his choice.
    The tickets are expensive and as much as I believe he ‘should’ have asked me if I wanted to join them, it is clear that for his friend it is a woman catcher exercise and I am not wanted. And I felt Curly would not want me there either. I didn’t like it at all.
    I am with this guy purely because he makes me feel good and wanted and if that gets undermind, he is flying out of my life quicker than he can say his own name.
    I think he knows that too.
    We shall see what he decides….ha!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:00am

  28. 28: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 25 With all due respect Indigo I believe this is the type of woman we are all endeavouring to be. She sounds like a true siren. Maybe your skin feeling crawly is your body telling you that you don’t like that part of yourself. That you are judging and numbing down your siren skills. What I am reading you writing about this woman is that she is a man magnet. I would love to be around this woman. Seems I would learn a lot from her.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:03am

  29. 29: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    hhhmmm Tam – First comment that came to me “with all due respect you did indicate to him that you are not his girlfriend” and that you are only a friend. Right?

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:06am

  30. 30: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Wow…I love this post.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:07am

  31. 31: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Oh FeminineWoman 28, if only this were true.

    I agree the flirting and simpering and having men around you is something we all aspire to be like and do. This is something I like to do myself.

    There is something untrustworthy about this woman, though. She has steadily pushed away and lost every female friend she’s ever had because of underhanded and insecure behaviour. It’s *this* kind of attention-seeking that makes my skin crawl, not the healthy, siren-like, revelling in one’s own beauty kind. D indicated that the reason he would never be interested in her was because of extremely unhinged behaviour.

    I could well be being unfair to her, probably I am, but it is more that I find her untrustworthy than that I am jealous of her.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:29am

  32. 32: TamNo Gravatar says:

    29 yes FW, but he wants me to be….his girlfriend. And honestly speaking, if he did what he said he does, and could back up his words with actions (there is more going on behind the scenes then I like to share here), I wouldn’t be so resistant to the idea.
    As it happens, I am still and he knows that.
    So it’s all good really. But don’t pressure me to be your girlfriend and then leave me sitting home alone on a Sat evening because you want to catch women with your bachelor friends..kind of incongruent especially since we had made plans….

    I am not too bothered, I will just take myself out if he goes.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:33am

  33. 33: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I went out with friends …and had a good time.
    Btw…CudG wrote me…it was a couple of casual lines…about how I was doing…
    and he sent links to pictures of cute cats cuddling….awwr

    I was hurt though…because he didnt ask me out! It’s been 2 weeks since we saw each other….I kinda felt sad & disapointed ….
    but mostly I was confused….
    wouldn’t u be?

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:36am

  34. 34: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    (((Tam))) 27

    I don’t think your story sucked. The fact that it didn’t turn out in the way you had in your mind of how you would have liked doesn’t cancel out the good.

    And your story is not over. *chin up* :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:38am

  35. 35: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I think I know what Rori means when she speaks of dark nights of the soul…. I’ve definitely been there…..
    And coming out the other side I felt a clarity, like I’m not dealing with anyone’s crap! I’m not letting it bother me. What really matters became more clear to me… And it helped me snap out of my codependency.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:46am

  36. 36: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo, no it isn’t over in my heart, but in my head it very much is. I know it will never be, and that is ok.
    I actually dreamt that I was dragging the dead body of a man around with me everywhere I went, and whne I woke up realised that that was MrP. Dead but still dragging him around my life.
    I wished him a good trip, and thanked him for asking me to come along even though I was unable to. I told him I was swinging by his city this weekend.
    He replied nicely, saying that he would like me to stop by if I had wheels..but I am not going to, firstly they are not my wheels and secondly if he wants to see me it is up to him to make it happen, not me.
    I learnt that much.
    It was cute of him though.
    Like I said, dragging a dead body around my life ;)

    Off to do some stuff with the live body now ;)
    Sigh.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:53am

  37. 37: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Confused? Heart, for me, no longer. It tells me that kind of behavior is coming from a man who wants a casual relationship with me. I am now kinda tossing up in myself how to respond. If I should try out a “I feel like slapping you, shaking you, yelling at you this is not what I want. I am no longer open to this now that I am loving and respecting myself more. I feel turned off by this”. Pe’s story about her friend on the other thread kind of shifted something further inside me. I read it last night but when I read it again this morning I felt different. I cried thinking about how I did not respect myself enough. How happy I am to accept crumbs because of my attraction to one man. How I block another man because he does not look the way I want and because love doesn’t appear the way I want it to. My mind is looking for ways to show up as more confident in myself and as more trusting in myself.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 8:56am

  38. 38: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! As usual (or at least often), Rori has hit the nail on the head – both in terms of spot-on analysis of relationship, and also speaking to what is going on with me right now!!

    This sooooo relates to EXACTLY what I’ve been thinking and feeling about (k) all week.

    After talking to him on Tuesday, and me walking away mid-conversation, because I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and felt suddenly like I was wasting my time – I spent the rest of the week coming up with something I could write to him. I didn’t want to “explain” or be all in my head. I wanted it to come from my heart, and have to do with what I really wanted. I wrote several long, drawn-out messages that went into detail about where I was coming from, but I just knew I couldn’t send any of them. However, it was good processing for me getting to really know what it was that I wanted. And part of me didn’t want to communicate with him at all. But then the other part of me knew that the process was just about this (Rori’s post) – it was about declaring and saying what I want, rather than “holding it in.” Going fro broke, as it were, whether or not he would ever reciprocate, or wether he would want what I want or not.

    So finally, last night, I was able to condense all the long paragraphs I’d written into a single text. I opened with a feeling message, and then stated simply what I wanted. And I said that we can’t be friends, because that’s not how it works for me.

    Well, I don’t even know if he’s responded yet. If he does, it’s probably a one-word answer. I’m not really expecting much.

    But this is exactly what Rori was talking about – I get to see, based on his response, what he really wants. And if he doesn’t want me, then I haven’t lost anything. I get to move on – without him – if he doesn’t want me. And that’s okay. And if he does, THEN we have a conversation that we can get into. But I’m not going to waste my time if all he wants to do is turn back the clock and be “friends.” It’s too late for that. We can’t go back and “un-ring” the bell. We’ve crossed into new territory now. Which is either new territory to explore. Or it’s the place at which we move apart and go in our different directions. Either way, I’m fine. Because I know that my interaction with him was meaningful for me and a big part of my healing process. and maybe I don’t really want him at all.

    In my mind/heart/feelings, I keep sliding back and forth between believing that he’s a really good guy, who didn’t want to hurt me, and could be a good partner in helping me heal myself; and between feeling disgusted and betrayed that someone I *thought* was a good guy could be so clueless and selfish. And sometimes I just feel angry that he didn’t understand what I was telling him until he pushed me to my limit, and now it’s too late. Because now my feelings for him have changed. I would need him to be really patient and attentive, and really pay attention to me and listen to me, if I were going to truly resurrect the good feelings I’d been having for him – up until the point where he came onto me and triggered me badly.

    Well, it’s up to him now. If he wants to “fix” anything, then he has to fix the thing that’s broken – and to me, that means the attraction that we had for each other, and the positive feelings that were there. But we can never “fix” the friendship, because that part is simply gone. It is nonexistent. So there’s really nothing to fix.

    I’m missing him tonight. I have a party to go to, and I want to go to the one where he is, and where my other friends are. But I’m planning not to, because I don’t want things to be “weird.” I could totally see him in public, and be polite to him. But if he doesn’t give me the kind of attention that I want, or if he touches me, I don’t know what I’ll do.

    And I’ll be honest here – I dont’ know if I’ve fully expressed what I really want and need. Only partially. He did ask me what I needed from him in order to “make it better.” And I was afraid to tell him. Because it was sexual. So first, I wanted to open the discussion, and then get really specific. But I don’t know…maybe I should get really specific anyway.

    Not today, though. Today, I am resting, and I’m letting the feelings flow through me as they come. I’ll get to the right place. The right things will happen, or nothing at all. I’m doing the best for me…

    xoxoMe<3!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 9:20am

  39. 39: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW…
    I feel soothed by your words.
    ♥

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 9:32am

  40. 40: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve made friends with my dark nights. I know those nights help me go further in my understanding & healing. I now wrap my arms around myself, & let it roar or tumble out. I feel the rain, & know that the skies will clear only to reveal stars.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 9:51am

  41. 41: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From Rori’s email:-

    Tapping Into Your Natural Feminine Softness

    So here’s the tip: When you’re feeling stressed, anxious, tense, do something that feels COUNTERINTUITIVE.

    Relax your lips, and part them slightly. You’ll notice an immediate simultaneous shift in your “energy” from tense to calm. But more importantly, this remarkable technique can also make you APPEAR more relaxed and self-confident, even when you’re in a very tense situation. Like on a date, or having an emotional conversation with your boyfriend.

    Looking more self-confident and relaxed opens you up and sends the signal that you’re OPEN and vulnerable – which is actually an irresistible visual “signal” to a man.

    Isn’t that something? Any woman can learn how to become more attractive and magnetic simply by tapping into her natural inner beauty and feminine energy. Men are DRAWN and MAGNETIZED to a woman when she’s relaxed, vulnerable, soft on the outside but STRONG on the inside.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 9:55am

  42. 42: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Everytime I come to do my work at home I feel stressed, anxious, and I will find any distraction possible! :( I’ve been off work for a week and now reality is setting in that I need desperately to make a dint in my workload.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:05am

  43. 43: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    My anxious knot in my tummy is to do with work stress and buying a house. I’m moving my anxiety on around amb cd, he is giving me no reason to be anxious and I must not relate the anxiety I’m feeling creep in to him.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:13am

  44. 44: GlowStixNo Gravatar says:

    Mmm hmmm

    Diggin it yet again!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:15am

  45. 45: GlowStixNo Gravatar says:

    Beloved….

    You are so powerful. Those moments are powerful…(((you)))

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:16am

  46. 46: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I told my parents today I had started seeing someone, I needed to make this step as I’m living at my mums and he’s more in my life now, not just going out for meals etc.

    I’ve held back telling people about him. I have fear of getting too excited like people expect it to fail :(

    I’m meeting his friends on Sunday :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:28am

  47. 47: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    <3 Thank you Rori

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:34am

  48. 48: sha-shaNo Gravatar says:

    Love this article!! To learn to Want a Man that Wants You!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:41am

  49. 49: sha-shaNo Gravatar says:

    I truely believe actions speak louder then words……… men are good at telling U wht u wanna hear……….

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:43am

  50. 50: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I love my own company :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:19am

  51. 51: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Holy moly! This article of Rori’s is exactly where I am.
    I’ve been going through this emotional meltdown for 2 weeks. I finally gave myself permission to step back, stop and really look at it.
    I came to the place where “I want what I want and will not back down to settle any longer.”
    What Rori describes: “The point of going for broke here and being totally truthful with him is to learn this valuable skill” is exactly where I am with my man right now.

    I am standing strong for what I want.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:25am

  52. 52: innanaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori, I have a question for you. I have followed your articles and have purchased your Siren program before. While I found your advice makes absolute sense to “me”, it has generally failed in my dealings with an ex I have been on and off with for over 4 years.

    I used to be reactive to his insensitive remarks and attitudes towards me and my needs. I then learnt how to express them more constructively and gently using “feel” messages and pulling away when I wasn’t being heard or taken seriously.

    It seems while I gained a better sense of myself in using these communication skills, it did very little to help my relationship. In fact, one of the times when we were doing well until I made the remark that I was a bit sad that I hadn’t seen him in a few days. His first response was that he couldn’t handle my appeasing my ‘feelings’ anymore and that he was turned off by hearing about my feelings. I explained to him that the reason why I was using ‘feeling’ messages was instead of being blaming and telling him I was pissed and upset we hadn’t seen each other.
    He told me he preferred to have me be mad at him (which I used to do and he broke off with me because of that!!) than for me to telling him about my ‘feelings’!! I have since explained to him nothing will work between us when he has no regard for my feelings and emotions.

    As you can see, I’m confused over what approach I should have used to have a different and positive outcome as none seem to work with him.

    Although he tells me he loves me and that he has never loved anyone as he loves me, I am at a complete funk with what to do. I still remain to keep my distance from him.

    Rori, any advice from you would be really appreciated.

    Thanks

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:43am

  53. 53: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – 10 – You really answered your own question, and you are right in working on allowing to let this flow as it will. This is HIS deal, his problem. When his financial suffering becomes great enough, he will do what it takes to get that house sold.

    And do our best to relax despite this. You have no control of being hurt or not in the long run anyway. Make friends with this discomfort, this not having things as you would prefer around this. Allow it, and give it a chance to move on through you.

    xxoo

    xxoo

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:46am

  54. 54: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    I’m entering into a new phase in my life. I went to a grant writing workshop yesterday in order to start learning how to set up a not for profit. Sooo much detail. I initially felt resistance toward this step. I feel so delighted with myself for going! I’ve enrolled in more workshops like it. Haha. Change is good. :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:52am

  55. 55: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I really like the idea of “declaration of intent”—it really is different than an ultimatum and so much more about us (vs. about him and his behavior.)

    And yes, learning to WANT a man who WANTS me <3

    Having new, refreshing ways to think of these things that go round and round in our heads (and our lives) is inspiring and gives me hope =)

    I am so thankful to have found Rori and her work <3

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 12:04pm

  56. 56: ALANo Gravatar says:

    The blog feels calming to me. I’m feeling a lot of anxiety in my situation. I want to be reassured by D that everything is fine. It feels like leaning forward if I ask him for that, because it is really something to do with other people and not anything coming from between us. I’m trusting that he is capable of knowing my heart. This feels good to know.

    I don’t always have time to post. Just want you to know that I’m often truly touched by each and every one of you. I get sooo much from being here!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 12:12pm

  57. 57: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, I love the idea of making friends with my discomfort :) thank you! It never stays for long but it does creep in every now and then. I am thankful that I have this awareness so it never has chance to grown into fear anymore.

    I never managed to open your recording due to my own computer problems. I’m getting a new comp soon so hopefully I’ll be able to get access :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 1:09pm

  58. 58: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Our lives are starting to mingle and tangle together… This feels exciting :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 1:18pm

  59. 59: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Curly took me to a place where I used to go with MrP…I thought it would be a big trigger and when I was there, it was tough at first..and then it turned into a womderful afternoon and we had a lovely lunch and I made plenty of new memories in an old place. It felt like I was moving on.
    I have been writing emails with MrP a little today also, but just friendly. I realised how a lot of his conversation just revolves about what he does and what he would like, for example he requested a picture again.
    It kind of turned me off.
    Then I thought about Curly. He just cancelled the party with his friend because he wanted to spend the evening with me. I really appreciated that and decided to concentrate on enjoying the moments with someone who is clearly trying to make me feel
    good and mostly succeeding.
    It did stop me from pining and appreciating what I have right now.
    I am kind of a happy bunny, I guess.
    And I have taken MrP off the pedestal and claimed my space up there. :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 2:09pm

  60. 60: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Tam!!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 3:33pm

  61. 61: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    “And I have taken MrP off the pedestal and claimed my space up there.”

    Eureka..Tam that about says it all.

    Most of our distress comes from stepping OFF that pedestal voluntarily and putting some guy up there in our place. It means the guy has no one to look up to, admire and adore if we are prostrated with our foreheads in the dust at his feet!

    And many of us are taking a journey here back to honouring ourselves and finding the skills and strength to shove him off our pedestal and climb back up to our rightful place.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 3:39pm

  62. 62: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Sirenity for your – as always – wise words, and also Moving Magic for the cheer.
    I feel pretty content right now, long may it last.
    I find it very interesting that the conversation with MrP today made me feel pretty ‘meh’ rather than like the puppy dog with tail wagging….I also found as I shared some excitement as to what I was doing etc, that if not a little sad that I am doing it with other people, he seemed at least a little subdued.
    Kind of funny.
    He was also praising himself saying he had undergone a little transformation working out and growing his hair..I was just thinking ‘whatever’…because he looks good anyway. It’s more his mental probs that need addressing, whatever…Struck me almost as a little feminine…ugh.
    I felt a bit turned off actually.
    Haha.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 3:47pm

  63. 63: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Beloved….wow…sooooo….beautiful…

    I love this line in Rori’s post:

    “The goal here is for you to learn to WANT a man who WANTS you! And, along the way, you’ll simply need to find out what’s what…..”

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 3:55pm

  64. 64: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – 56 – I’ll keep it open for you until you’re ready. Let me know, for I will be soon editing all the recordings and packaging them as a small program.

    xxoo

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 4:25pm

  65. 65: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    innana – Welcome, and thank you for your letter.In my world, if a man doesn’t step up when you really and truly talk the straight truth to him, and do it in a way that exposes your real self, and he doesn’t respond to that…then why would I want to be with him? The sense I get from your letter is that is simply NOT a good match…and yet, would you consider getting the ebook as well, and really learning the basic Tools from that – I wonder if you’re “using” Feeling Messages to “get what you want” – and that doesn’t work. It’s the opposite of the whole point. And –were you really “sad” that you hadn’t seen him (after 4 years, that clues me in that this isn’t working…) – or were you ANGRY? The trick here is NO trick – it’s about speaking what you really feel, and not what you “think” is going to get you what you want. Love, Rori

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 5:13pm

  66. 66: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    This article is well-timed for me…

    Scenario One:
    He buys me a rose and a steak dinner for Valentine’s Day then we go up to Reno and spend two romantic days exploring the Sierras.

    Scenario Two (One week later)
    He wants me to fix his computer glitch for free. Then we go to a very big deal fancy party. We both look great, and the party is a good one, but he is hitting the Martinis hard. Just before we leave, a woman I know and like sits down with me and tells me I look absolutely fantastic. She asks about HS and when I tell her I am with him she says–OH–you can do SO much better than him–he is the lowest of the low–you are a fantastic woman and deserve better…
    In the car I mention this woman and he has a violent negative reaction. I ask him what gives–why the hostility on both sides? I know that he emailed her about a year and a half ago about doing band photos, but that never happened.
    Upon probing further, he admits that he came on to her–while WE were living together, and that she rejected him. I still feel I don’t have the full story, but that was enough for me.
    I end up driving us home–with him bitching all the way about my driving. Then we sat up and listened to Funk and R&B till midnight.
    When he came to bed he was VERY amorous, but still drunk…
    In the morning I left because I had coffee with a CD. I have not discussed my CD-ing with HS. I said I had a coffee date, I just didn’t tell him it was with a man.
    I am thinking of saying to him that “after our trip I was very disappointed to see he was back on Match. And–the conversation with and about my female friend from the party disturbed me. But–I am now feeling more clear. If you want me to be your wife and reap those benefits–I want you to marry me. Otherwise, we are just dating, and the boundaries are very different. You have every right to choose any course of action you want. I love you very much–you are my best friend and my lover, but I don’t want to be the ‘oh well, at least she doesn’t reject me’ girl. I want to be the ‘I can’t live without her and she is my one and only’…”
    I will say that to him at the right time.
    I feel bad about hearing weird hit about him from women at parties…

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 5:29pm

  67. 67: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! I’ve never been so happy not to have slept with anyone.

    Today I went to hang out with an old CD whom I’ve always known is not the type to “settle down” with one woman. That’s just not who he is. And he’s totally open about it. But he also is very sexy, and in the past, I’ve usually ended up hooking up with him, just because he is so fun to talk to, and makes me feel comfortable with my sexuality, so that I don’t feel bad about relaxing and letting things happen. But today, he wasn’t pushing me at all. He was touching me, but I wasn’t going with it. I was actually in his house, and he was barely wearing anything – he answered the door wearing a set of glittery shorts (I kid you not). And of course I found him attractive. But I had gone there with the thought in my mind that I really didn’t want to be seduced by him (and/or seduce myself into thinking that I should do something with him). One thing that helped was that I asked him about all the other women he was dating. And he told me. And at that point, I had NO desire to sleep with him. Lol. Not that I felt judgmental all. Just like – Okay, that’s not something I want to be a part of. Besides. I’ve slept with him already. He’s good, but he’s not *that* good. Maybe he needs to have multiple women in order to make him feel more like a man ; ) And the strange thing is – he’s such an open, honest guy that he’d probably agree with me on that! He’s definitely full of himself, but he’s also self-deprecating. I guess that’s one of the things that makes him so accessible. *sigh* But I’m still proud of myself. I am proud of sticking to my guns, and not changing my mind about anything, just because I was there with him. And besides, I had a cold. It was all not going to happen anyway, and I didn’t feel I had to apologize or explain, or that anyone was disappointed. Yay! Least of all me. I went in there not wanting sex. So I am really, really happy that it didn’t happen! Hooray me : )

    *pats self on back*

    And we still had a good time hanging out. I win!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 5:37pm

  68. 68: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Tam! :)

    What a blessing that dream was about MrP, I think perhaps it gave you that extra push to let go.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 9:26pm

  69. 69: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    innana,

    I have to ask, are you really clear about why you are staying with him?

    We won’t judge you either way, but have you really thought about what you want, and what is holding you to him?

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 9:29pm

  70. 70: Memulo says:

    I didn’t run into dumbcd today. In the meantime I think about calling and feel terribly embarrassed. What am I looking for? To get beaten up after 5 months?? It’s not even funny.
    My cd is treating me really well.. I dOnt know why but he wants me. Even when I am not so nice to him he acts with devotion. When I think about dumbcd I feel so much longing and anger that I was do dumb with him. Any woman would be smarter. I just always thought that the ‘being smarter’ part in terms if asking what he was doing, where he went etc. is beneath me.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 9:34pm

  71. 71: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, he wants you because you’re you! Why shouldn’t he want you?

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 9:51pm

  72. 72: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    66 yay tereana!

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:28pm

  73. 73: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Tomorrow I’m seeing exoticCD and I’m really excited!
    I do have some things I want to learn about him….
    I dunno I need to make a list but not gonna interrogate the guy lol…
    He is very flirty and charming and saying and doing all the right things but I’m not sure if he’s just a player or if he really is this amazing and is just a great guy that really likes me so far lol …
    I am nervous because I am feeling the sexual energy and I know I’m not going to sleep with him but omg I want to already lolll

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 10:41pm

  74. 74: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel different today…
    Had some really strange dreams…
    Looking forward to making travel plans & moving on…

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:12pm

  75. 75: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    i feel well-rested…
    my body feels relaxed
    my mind feels calmer…less active…peaceful..
    I feel centered.

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:24pm

  76. 76: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I want to be at total peace with my current situation.

    I’m not unemployed I’m SELF employed.
    I’m not a college drop-out, I’m a young woman, deciding to change the course of her life.

    I have thought about this in one way and cried about it, and now Im choosing to see it in THIS way…. I changed the course of my life and became self employed. I am part owner of a small hairdressing business. I am also in the preparation stages of launching my small cake biz (so excited to take this cake decorating class)

    I also have another plan (THAT I SOOOOO LOVE) ….

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:38pm

  77. 77: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    WHOOPS (continued)

    The plan is to volunteer at the Alliance Francaise, enough so that I can take classes for free this summer in DC and to then take the exam that will certify me to teach french to young kids…. I can even take the others until I can pretty much help anyone with French…. starting with ME.

    Interestingly enough, after leaving the strip club with friends last night, we went into subway talking to some guys and I help a very long conversation with this man from Cameroon IN FRENCH. I thought my French needed a lot more brushing up than it actually does. I guess a language doesnt just die inside of me after not speaking it for a few years. WE EXCHANGED NUMBERS :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:41pm

  78. 78: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Je suis spamming le blog lol :) hahaha

    I am about to take a nice rest and count my blessings before i sleep instead of sheep!!

    In the morning I will clean up from my little party i had tonight and then arrange somehow for my friend to get home, then do a bit of research on my goals.

    In a week I start my cake decorating course and my volunteer orientation at Alliance Francaise DC :)

    Saturday, 23 February 2013 @ 11:44pm

  79. 79: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Innana – I would encourage u to get the HTRYW ebook. It will answer all your questions in a sense. Using Fms to get something Does Not Work …and tends to push men away.
    Authentic FMs can create such a deep feeling of connection…In my experience…
    The most important thing is actually being able to find what u are feeling in the moment…
    And it comes with practice.
    (((hugs)))

    I disagree with the others on the blog though…
    I kind of agree with you boyfriend…
    I got an icky, turned off, angry feeling when I read what you wrote to him.
    There was such blame in your statement…You make me feel sad…seems to be the overall message..

    Also I don’t believe you were feeling sad…
    If I was in your situation I would bring the focus back to me.
    Find a hobby…make new friends….forget about trying to “fix” things for now…I would also practice finding my feelings many times day…
    It feels really exciting you know?
    Like a Brave New World.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:48am

  80. 80: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I really like this – Pe siren.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 1:35am

  81. 81: SharonNo Gravatar says:

    great blog and comments, all so helpful thank you Rori and sirens! xxx

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 1:51am

  82. 82: Memulo says:

    I am thinking – if we talk – what will I say?? What happened half a year ago? Oh I felt bad you ignored me? I mean – what’s the point? And I hear – hmm I have a gfriend for the past 6 months. Im sorry. What do I say – cool, I have someone too? Ok, I have to go?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:16am

  83. 83: Memulo says:

    Any ideas will be highly appreciated;)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:22am

  84. 84: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, do you need to bring anything up? Can you just show him your fun side? I’m sorry I don’t know the full story around the situation.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:42am

  85. 85: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    What are you hoping to get out of this conversation?

    What is your goal? Or is it just to say hi?

    Knowing that will much make it much easier for us to help you with what to say.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:42am

  86. 86: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – I feel curious….why do you think he disappeared?
    What’s the story you’ve been telling yourself?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:46am

  87. 87: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I have missed you all and the blog, so much!

    I have been feeling out of sorts lately, and my confidence has taken so much of a knocking that I feel completely immobilised and unable to “do” anything.

    In my work life I have felt incredibly “attacked” and don’t know what to do about it. It’s now resulted in me feeling fearful and nervous that everything I do and say is misunderstood – and I feel so frustrated. I also feel angry and I have the feeling of “oh, no, here we go again”. For some reason people don’t respect me, people don’t trust me. I feel paranoid and I feel I am treading on egg shells. But worse of all I feel immobilsed… And ahhhh I feel angry at myself….

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:48am

  88. 88: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “‘being smarter’ part in terms if asking what he was doing, where he went etc. is beneath me”.
    .
    Memulo this would not have been smart. He would have experienced this as needy and pushy. He might even have disappeared earlier than he did.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:07am

  89. 89: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    You know what sirens. I realise I am accepting “crumbs” in my job. I feel so “grateful” all the time no matter how they treat me.

    I have been in this new job 3 months now and I have only spoken to my line manager a couple of days ago. She has never come to see me, check I know what I’m supposed to be doing – who I report to, how things work that kind of thing. I have had no induction – nothing – I’ve just been expected to know. And people have been yelling at me.

    She has never even said hello to me, let alone come to see me – I’ve felt completely isolated and on my own.

    I’ve literally sat at my desk with no work to do, no one i speak to seems to know where I fit in. I feel like I am being treated like a work experience person and told to go and sit in the corner.

    Anyway – it has all blown up in the office now but no-one is supporting me. And yet I feel like I have to “cling” to this job. What does this say about me???

    I certainly don’t feel wanted there – or understood – or supported…

    Also if I make a small observation – it gets turned into a mountain rather than a molehill.

    On the last project that I worked on I mentioned that some issue had occured – it had been sorted by me – but my boss didn’t stop to hear that bit and all ge heard was that there was an issue and went running to all the line managers etc… And it was like Chinese whispers. Leaving me confused and paranoid – and HUGELY misunderstood….

    I don’t know what to do???

    I’m not sure if this is making sense..

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:22am

  90. 90: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Also, I have asked to meet with my line manager quite a few times – she says yes – but then nothing ever happens.

    But I know it will be my word against hers and everyone in the company seems to love her. Either that or they are scared of her.

    Fine if they want to get rid of me – but they don’t have to be horrible to me…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:26am

  91. 91: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    And I am just sitting here worrying about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and worrying about it… And I just feel numb and worried and confused…. And I don’t know what to do -which way to turn and what to do first. I feel tangled up with emotion. I feel like I am always being told I am wrong – i can’t handle it..

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:33am

  92. 92: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    D messaged me last night that he came back early from the pub. So much for all my fretting. *Sigh*

    We are going to grab a bite to eat tonight and then back to his place to unwind.

    I feel like I am spamming the blog today :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:36am

  93. 93: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Rebecca))))

    I hear a lot of negative self-talk going on here. Please be really kind and gentle with yourself.

    Is it other people at work being horrible to you, or are you being horrible to yourself? You may have landed yourself with a particularly callous manager or work colleagues, but please don’t make it worse by believing what you *think* they are saying about you.

    You are the prize, no need for self-doubt.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:45am

  94. 94: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo – 92- thank you.

    I just feel so low. I feel like I am being watched by hawks and cannot breathe and am just feeling so trapped and suffocated.

    And it’s bringing out all of my insecurities like – this always happens to me, I always misread things, I always get things wrong…. Ahh, yes, I’m feeling it’s me, me, me, me, me…

    I feel like they are looking for 2 million excuses to get rid of me and I can’t win. I feel like Anthony Perkins in The Trial.

    I feel like there are darker forces at work here than I can take on. It’s like they’ve hired me to work with someone who actually thinks he can do the job by himself and doesn’t need me and is just totally shutting me out of the equation. When I mention it to my line manager she seems to shrug her shoulders and say “Oh well, you just need to keep trying, that is your job”.

    She says she is trying to support me but I feel it’s too little too late – and she sees the support she needs to give me as “telling” me what to do, as opposed to helping me in a more mentor like fashion.

    I just feel barked at basically – and that I am being spoken to like it’s presumed I know what they are talking about. They say to ask questions but when I do they role their eyes and say – well I thought that was explained to you – and I thinking “no, it actually wasn’t” And even if it was the fact I’m asking means I don’t know or I am unclear and need some clarification – is that too much to ask??

    Even things like booking holiday – if I ask for help someone either does it for me – or says “Were you not explained that when you started here?”

    Ahhhh….. Sorry I’m venting…

    I just suppose my NVs are saying; this always happens to me. What am I doing wrong? I’m sure if someone else worked here they would be fine.

    All I keep thinking is it’s just me, it’s just me, it’s just me…

    And I feel sad for me thinking this…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:59am

  95. 95: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca – can you quit? Sounds like a horrible environment…Write your resignation letter!
    Chances are you’ve become That Person at the office….you know the one they pick on, speak ill of and kinda bully a bit.
    Others are probably just happy it’s you and not them..
    I remembered a situation like this with a co-worker…I thought she was making it all up & just being crazy but it wasn’t the case. She was actually being ill-treated at work.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:06am

  96. 96: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – 94 –

    Yeesss!!! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks this!!

    You words are so supportive and comforting!!

    I feel like crying – I do not believe it’s my imagination but yet my head is spinning so much and when you are told by everyone that you are wrong… it is soul destroying.

    After speaking with my line manager for the first time the other day I told her I felt confused about certain things because one manager had told me one thing and she had told me another. I said I didn’t mean to be rude but just that I wanted to discuss this with her.

    She got really angry and told me “No, you have not been told that. I know exactly what the other manager has told you because we are like this (and she crossed her index finger and middle finger over and thrust them at me).

    Then I said “Well, how can you know you were not there?? ”

    This whole thing is so confusing…

    But Heart thank you thank you thank you…

    You words are awesome support to me !

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:18am

  97. 97: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    It feels so good to be understood by you sirens and not the “chin up” kind of advice that I’ve also been given by friends…

    I really appreciate the support – even if I get triggered at the time…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:19am

  98. 98: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry, this has now popped into my head..

    “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you”

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:27am

  99. 99: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca – I’m glad you are feeling better talking about it. I would encourage you to start looking for a new job ASAP.
    I think your manager sounds unprofessional and has poor communication.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:45am

  100. 100: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    skills..

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:47am

  101. 101: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Heart – I am trying to get my cv together now, but I think I am allergic to it…

    Argghh… will push myself… I don’t know why I hate doing it so much..

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:58am

  102. 102: Memulo says:

    Thank you sirens.. I think he disappeared because his friend has been telling him that he can do better -go out with a younger, wealthier girl and introduced him to this girl. At the same time I thought our connection was getting deeper and I had a few problems at the time, including a financial one, so I shared them with him. Once. I didn’t ask for anything, I was just upset over the phone. He left me a month later.
    I don’t know what I want to get out if the conversation. I want a miracle if course but am so scared to get rejected and even lose the cool that I has with him from not running after him.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:00am

  103. 103: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I have not talked to another human being the whole weekend :) I am a loner and before I just hated the loner I was, now I accept it and love that part of myself.

    Some people tell me how can I handle being alone in the apartment, It isn’t a big deal really. Maybe I am narcissistic; who knows? As time passes by, the less tolerant I become to certain behaviors in others – I do not want to change them, but I just do not have the patience just to be with people I can’t stand.

    I admit somehow I miss being with a man, but the ones I have met bored me and or with time I discovered they were faking being who they said they were. I want something bigger, something beyond anything I’ve known….

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:04am

  104. 104: LudmilaNo Gravatar says:

    I have a quastion for Rori.
    Rori please help me. Do you have any advice how could I help my 23 yrs old son, who is suffering from incredible lonellines right now ? He and his girlfriend of three years had just split. Neither of them had ani other friends. I try to help with all the tools I had learned from your programs. But he is a man and I feel there should be a specific way for men. Whwre does he start ? love Your posts Ludmila

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:09am

  105. 105: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – IF it was me, I would just contact him in order to help me move on…Fixating & obsession on a non-issue is making u suffer in limbo…

    You’re always talking & asking questions about this guy…Just contact him…call him up & ask him hows life.ovement course and ask him why he lost interest?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:17am

  106. 106: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry I had a little problem posting…
    I was suggesting that u email him saying your doing a self-improvement course and was wondering why he disappeared….

    I know that’s Super Scary but it could help…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:20am

  107. 107: Memulo says:

    Heart would you contact him after this long?

    Frankly, I don’t need to know why he disappeared. I am not writing a thesis. It never really tortured me -why. I only felt terrible that it happened.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:25am

  108. 108: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – yes…If I was still thinking about him & going online and asking for advice about him online…Yes Definitely…just for a reality check.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:44am

  109. 109: Memulo says:

    Last year today we spent a day together and had a great time. I know he remembers but if he is with the new girl for this long it means I was not as important

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:46am

  110. 110: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, this ex guy sounds like he is zapping your energy. What do you think?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:49am

  111. 111: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    I thin what Heart is saying, and I echo her sentiments here, is that if it is bothering you to the point that you are discussing it and making yourself anxious on an online blog, contacting him cannot be possibly be any worse.

    If I were to hazard a guess, and I really want to say this as gently and kindly as possible, it could be this intense and obsessive energy which pushed him away. Guys cannot handle it.

    Call him. Release that energy. Who cares if the call doesn’t go perfectly? Just shift that overthinking.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:54am

  112. 112: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – he has a gf?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:55am

  113. 113: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – I don’t know. All I know id that he left the dating site 2 months after he disappeared and he never contacted me again.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:02am

  114. 114: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – just call him…Now.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:06am

  115. 115: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Call him Call him Call him…
    free your mind :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:07am

  116. 116: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I did not act intense and obsessive with him. I acted passive, he even complained about it, I received his attention and responded in a loving way, but initiated rarely. Anyway – I need to feel strong if I were to call him, thinking about my past mistakes with him is not helping.

    Mostly I think now that its too late to make a move.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:07am

  117. 117: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – (((hugs)))
    do u have Rori’s book?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:12am

  118. 118: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Hi all,
    I am new to this site, but have been reading posts for about a year now.

    I would just like to share my feelings with someone, which is very hard for me too do since I put up a very defensive allure.

    I soften when I am with the man I am dating yet I have softened to the point that I have given him no boundaries he must respect. I don’t feel respected by him because I have NEVER asked for anything or expected anything from him.

    I am not sure if there is a way of establishing boundaries at this point in time after being with him for a year and a half. Is there a way I can communicate what I need to be happy without him feeling like Im locking him down.

    If someone could chime in and give me a few hints I would greatly appreciate it :) as he is a man the man I have always dreampt of meeting. I just thought it would be so much easier.

    Much love,
    ArabianLove

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:13am

  119. 119: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    The book is not helping;)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:14am

  120. 120: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I feel that calling would be to lose all my power with him, whatever is left of it. Wish i could shift it, but it’s true, isn’t it

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:17am

  121. 121: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – just call him…you’re stuck.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:17am

  122. 122: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I remember u talking about this Months ago..

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:18am

  123. 123: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know where Starla got confidence to call her guy after 8 months

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:18am

  124. 124: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    If I said – it’s slowly going away, I can survive without calling – would you still day to call?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:23am

  125. 125: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Memulo))))) I agree with Heart – call him?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:23am

  126. 126: Memulo says:

    He will always know that whatever he did to me – at the end I swallowed and called

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:27am

  127. 127: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, it seems to be eating up at you and that you want to call. What do you think?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:29am

  128. 128: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    Sweetie I truly don’t believe men think like that.

    I think he would be flattered if you called him.

    He’d get a definite ego boost and will like it ! ;)
    Don’t be afraid to do what you want !

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:30am

  129. 129: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    If you say you did not act intense and obsessive, but rather passive, I am sure that you did. And yet, guys can feel our energy at a distance, as Rori is always saying (and Feminine Woman is fond of saying :) ). He can feel this worry and anxiety in the ether.

    I am concerned also that you say it is because of fear of losing your power that you are reluctant to call.

    But you must do what feels right for you. :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:30am

  130. 130: Memulo says:

    I only want to call if it works out;) I hate to think about any other outcome.
    I just checked that there was a holiday event for kids yesterday that I missed.I checked 2 other places but not this one. I thought they had something today, not yday, and actually this us the one where he would mist likely go.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:40am

  131. 131: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo – seeing that we dont really know why the guy disappeared…I think it might come across as a little blamey to tell Memulo her vibe drove him away…If it’s the truth, let her reach that conclusion on her own…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:42am

  132. 132: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Apologies. I can see how it could come across that way. I am sorry.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:45am

  133. 133: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo….are u thinking of stalking him now?

    ohno…just call…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:46am

  134. 134: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    (((Indigo)))

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:52am

  135. 135: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Heart isn’t it better to ‘run into him accidentally’? That would be ideal I think.

    Ok, what if I hear the negative response. would I just say have a nice day and hang up?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:52am

  136. 136: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, perhaps it would be more powerful to call him than to not. Calling him vs not calling him has already been given alot of thought. Thoughts = energy.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:55am

  137. 137: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    I love this article!!! :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:01am

  138. 138: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @7 Daria

    I feel so good reading about how you´r mother has cut your hair and how you are going sking with her! :9
    Also the invite to join the record label sounds really intriguing. I feel curious to know moer about that! :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:06am

  139. 139: Memulo says:

    What message to leave if he doesn’t pick up? It’s me, sorry I missed you? He wont know it’s my number, he didn’t have it saved. He always mentioned is as an example of how disorganized he is

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:06am

  140. 140: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo something short, sweet, & possibly upbeat?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:11am

  141. 141: Memulo says:

    Any ideas??

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:13am

  142. 142: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, trust yourself. :) I’m sure you have a style that is completely your own.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:17am

  143. 143: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, just sound natural, say “hi” that sort of thing.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:21am

  144. 144: Memulo says:

    I was asking about a message to leave;) Starla scared me when she said she didn’t leave ‘call me back’ message

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:32am

  145. 145: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – did u call hm yet?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:51am

  146. 146: ALANo Gravatar says:

    I would prefer to hear his voice and wouldn’t leave a message. But that’s me.

    It’s good to be prepared for the worst outcome, as a form of self-protection. But, what if he’s happy to hear from you? What do you want to say to him?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:51am

  147. 147: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – just call him…it will all come to u in the moment.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:58am

  148. 148: Memulo says:

    To ask how are you?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:02am

  149. 149: Memulo says:

    If I hear that he is taken do I say – good luck?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:03am

  150. 150: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    stop overthinking it…just do it already…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:03am

  151. 151: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Memulo

    I feel there are lots of expectations in the air.
    If you were your own best friend, what advice would you give yourself?

    ((((Memulo))))

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:07am

  152. 152: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Just say u’re seeing someone too & ur happy for him

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:08am

  153. 153: ALANo Gravatar says:

    wishing you the best

    hope you’re happy

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:09am

  154. 154: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I hope u r dialling his number now…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:10am

  155. 155: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    I believe we must love ourselves first… no matter which the outcome or who’s the guy in the picture.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:11am

  156. 156: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – say u r going to so amd so event and it reminded u of him…
    tell him he was a good friend or something neutral like that…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:13am

  157. 157: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – easier said than done…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:16am

  158. 158: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – yes it is probably. I just feel afraid that if there’s a “negative” outcome, it would be a new reason for Memulo to continue beating herself up. That’s why I said what I did as a reminder.

    Memulo- if I were you I would want to get to that place where I know I will be ok no matter what because I have myself to love me no matter what.

    I would call probably…but as I’d know, that in the best case it gives me some clarity…and it the worst case I will be ignored, but that won´t show me anything else than that that man was just not right nor ready for having a relationship with me.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:23am

  159. 159: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    ArabianLove, Welcome, and read everything you can here – start with my ebook if you can – it’ll give you lots of “Scripts” – and we’ll help here. Love, Rori

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:34am

  160. 160: Memulo says:

    I called. The greeting said that his mailbox is full and can’t except new messages.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:36am

  161. 161: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Memulo

    “The trick here is NO trick – it’s about speaking what you really feel, and not what you “think” is going to get you what you want.”

    I love this part of Rori’s answer to Innana, and I see it applying in this case where you are calling a man with certain expectations to it to “work out” rather than just to express your feelings or ask the questions what you want to know for yourself.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:37am

  162. 162: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Ludmila, Welcome, and you sound like a wonderful mother! He has to do just the OPPOSITE of what we’re doing here. If you can somehow leave some computer windows open for him to find – get him to try online dating. It’s anonymous enough for him to ease into it, he can try http://www.doubleyourdating.com – free newsletters, and so many men out there being helpful to other men around dating, to give him the courage to approach women – which is what he HAS to learn to do in his daily life. Friends will happen if he simply does stuff out in the world he likes…. Love, Rori

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:37am

  163. 163: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Memulo..

    ah sorry… I just saw now you called. How is calling related to mailbox? (Maybe it is…I am not too familiar with smartphones.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:39am

  164. 164: Memulo says:

    Yes Ulii. Thank you. So what do I do next -call in a few hours? And then tomorrow lol and daily after that till he picks up

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:39am

  165. 165: Memulo says:

    He put his full name on the greeting and it sounds really good. I feel calmer for no reason really

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:41am

  166. 166: Memulo says:

    An automated message saying – mailbox belonging to Xx is full

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:43am

  167. 167: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Tam

    Wow! Yay for you!

    “Curly took me to a place where I used to go with MrP…I thought it would be a big trigger and when I was there, it was tough at first..and then it turned into a womderful afternoon and we had a lovely lunch and I made plenty of new memories in an old place. It felt like I was moving on.”

    I am all for creating new memories in an old place. Helps me greatly to reduce the excessive nostalgia. :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:44am

  168. 168: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Memulo))))))

    Ulii – calling a guy you havent spoken to in 6 months and spilling your guts…is Weird.
    Rori’s advice for ppl in some kind of relationship or dating situation…U can’t have a dark night of the soul when it’s fuelled by nothingness…can u?

    I’m proud of you Memulo…
    How do u feel?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:45am

  169. 169: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Memulo

    Ah..I understand. Ok…I am not the one to say to call or not. I would concentrate on the “why” you’re doing it and to watch I don´t have any agenda attached to it. I would do it if I’d believe it gets me myself to a better place thene where I am now. Or if I had a kind of “whatever” attitude and be only interested in knowing about him as a human being, but not wanting a certain outcome with him. It seemed to me when Starla did call QZ she was in that kind of a place emotionally.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:49am

  170. 170: Memulo says:

    Thank you Heart, I feel better. I now really want to talk to him. Ulii is right – to feel your truth and let it shine through. Whether it’s a 2 minute talk or a longer conversation – to LIVE it.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:49am

  171. 171: Memulo says:

    Though the fact that he is not picking up on Sunday early afternoon can mean he is not alone

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:50am

  172. 172: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – it could mean any number of things. Just give yourself a big hug.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:52am

  173. 173: Memulo says:

    I am doing it because the truth is that I never stopped missing him

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:53am

  174. 174: Memulo says:

    I never had an agenda with him and he knew it. I always had my heart open never tried to control, ask inquisitive questions, take power. I loved him

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:56am

  175. 175: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – I am not telling Memulo to call or not to call. It’s her responsability to choose and to do. It can be weird or not. Depends on everyones perspective. Which are all different. To me it wouldn´t be weird, I have done it. I might have not have the man back or have a man say sorry to me or even explain to me why some things happened… But I wouldn´t care if I’d feel I need to express myself, I wouldn’t care if somebody thinks it’s weird…Rori’s quote feels just like a common truth to me applicable in every situation… that´s saying our truth & feelings without a “trick”, which to me signifies an agenda or any kind of specific expectations… But what I´m reading here about the call. It seems there are expectations and there are a willingness to talk a certain way to get a certain outcome. If I were you Memulo, I would try to only care about expressing what I need & want to express, and not care about how he might react to that. I know it´s not easy “not to care”…and maybe it´s not possible on a feeling level…but at least it is possible not to set my actions up according to other people’s possible reactions…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:01am

  176. 176: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Memulo

    “I am doing it because the truth is that I never stopped missing him”

    This is beautiful to read as this feels the core reason for you to call. Can you express only this and be ok whatever the answer to this is?

    I do think it is brave that you called.

    ((((Memulo))))

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:06am

  177. 177: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe Memulo but can you consider that it might not have been a match? Would you have preferred it had gone on for years with you in heartbreak? These rejections are God’s protection

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:07am

  178. 178: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – think it sounds a bit abusive …a bit like off-loading your craziness unto someone else with no thought about their comfort of feeings…
    A man you haven’t been involved with for 6 months is a stranger…
    If some guy I dated 6 months ago called me to offload onto me…I would feel Violated…
    That’s just my view…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:11am

  179. 179: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    I´m myself in little trouble just now, where I´m disappointed Lawyer CD’s eagerness to see me this evening is not as great as I expected, in spite of his really intense words of missing me during last days…Still, real life & travel incommodieties seem to be winning today. But I feel reluctant to travel to him myself. There was a slight chance I might do that for more reasons to get to his town tonight, at the en d I decided I´m not going to. So now I’m feeling alone at home & not knowing really what to say to him. He said also he can´t come to me before Tuesday. I feel pouty somehow… but also guilty. As he is almost always coming to me. Hmhmhm…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:12am

  180. 180: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori for your warm welcome !

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:14am

  181. 181: Memulo says:

    I am not going to say first that I miss him. That is if we ever talk;)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:16am

  182. 182: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo he didn’t save your number? Wow. Maybe that is the reason he has not called. Then again he knows where you live

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:17am

  183. 183: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Heart

    “off-loading your craziness unto someone else with no thought about their comfort of feeings…”

    Ok… I understand a call from a woman you knew months ago could feel like that if she’s screaming to you and crying & doing drama.. It´s hard for me to see myself (or Memulo) doing something like that though…) I believe we can speak about our feelings calmly and respectfully. But also I feel not responsible of a grown up man’s reactions & feelings. If he feels like that then it’s his job to protect himself from me. :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:19am

  184. 184: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii I would tell him it felt too masculine and did not feel romantic and thatks not how I wnt to feel with him

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:20am

  185. 185: Memulo says:

    FW, I moved apartments;) he had my number on the texts we exchanged

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:26am

  186. 186: Memulo says:

    Also he has my email

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:26am

  187. 187: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @Femininewoman
    Yes, probably I should.
    Still there´s more stuff connected. As I told him I might be going to a concert to his town…and then hoped him to be eager to see me after that. But it felt like he was a bit neutral about that…just I felt it his desire to see me less intense as usual. So I then felt bad about the idea of travelling and cancelled. Now he has expressed me after that via message that he feels disappointed as he already got his hopes up to see me. (Which kind of shows me the willingness I hoped before…just that before we were on the phone talking and I´m the awkwardnest person in that.. ) And that he can´t come tomorrow but could Tuesday.
    I feel a bit closed off because of my disappointment I won´t see him soon, but of course, I will want to see him Tuesday. I´m just reluctant to answer yet as I feel negativity in me which is not his fault.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:30am

  188. 188: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    why don’t you want to call this guy :) ? What is holding you back? Is it fear ?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:30am

  189. 189: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – I guess we just have different empathy levels and what we consider acceptable behavior.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:30am

  190. 190: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – Tuesday isnt far away…leanback…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:33am

  191. 191: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    I’m so sorry I don’t know much of your situation with this guy. Were you in a fully committed relationship with him? What happened – did he just poof – or did it end amicably?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:33am

  192. 192: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    He would naturally be neutral because it was not his idea. Though his words suggest that he might have dummed himself down a bit not to appear too eager. It might be his way of managing his expectations.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:35am

  193. 193: Memulo says:

    Rebecca we were in what thought was a committed relationship, went out for 8-9 months. He disappeared 5 months ago.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:37am

  194. 194: Memulo says:

    Ulii did you consider picking up the phone and discussing it with him?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:40am

  195. 195: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    How have some of you gone about getting closer to the man you are seeing ? I feel like everytime I try to communicate with my guy he’s in another world, but when he wants to talk about his problems and I reciprocate his acting distant …he gets all huffy and puffy!

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:40am

  196. 196: Memulo says:

    So do I call again later today or onceca day is plenty

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:42am

  197. 197: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – me saying we have to love ourseves no matter what & express our true feelings … I don´t see it has anything to do with spilling my guts out to a guy in a disrespectful manner. So I don´t really see what it has to do with empathy levels nor acceptable behaviour. While not saying the truth (like I’m happy someone is going out with somebody else when I´m really not feeling it… ) would feel harmful to me… and also disrespectful to the guy. I don´t know if I maybe misunderstood something.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:44am

  198. 198: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – 193 – that’s pretty harsh of him don’t you think? He “disappeared” and didn’t tell you.

    Why do you want to be with someone who can’t even be bothered to end things properly with you?

    I would suggest contacting him but having no expectations of the outcome…

    I had a similar thing with a guy in the summer, my neighbour, he avoided me for months.

    I eventually contacted him just to say hi and was friendly, he responded back and was friendly and chatty but that was it.

    Sometimes people just need space. I wasn’t in a relationship with him so I didn’t expect anything else really…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:47am

  199. 199: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Also, if anyone can help / offer advice with my work situation it would be very much appreciated…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:48am

  200. 200: ALANo Gravatar says:

    “So do I call again later today”

    Nooooooo… be proud of yourself for being so brave and Rock Star!!! Stay with those good feelings and feel good about yourself. Give it a few days at least before another attempt to call.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:50am

  201. 201: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Heart

    Thanks! Yes, I agree, Tuesday is close. I´m leaning back mostly always, now I just have to answer him if Tuesday is ok (which he did ask in his message).

    @ Memulo

    Thanks to you too!
    Well, to tell you the truth I am a weird person if it comes to talking by phone. I just don´t like it at all and it stresses me to a level I´m not comfortable talking become really nervous, specially with men. I have always been like that and I have communictaed my preferences to Lawer CD, so he does now use messaging mostly for us to communicate between dates. And I love to receive messages from him. Our dynamic is usually communicate by sms if there’s no urgent information to share.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:51am

  202. 202: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 192 FW
    Yes, you are right. I see that´s probably how it was.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:52am

  203. 203: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    @ Rebecca
    I’d love to help if I can with your work situation.
    What does it entail exactly. I can’t seem to find your post about it on here :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:56am

  204. 204: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I only contact a man to let go of expectations, not to create new ones. Sometimes guys do not contact us because they did not feel it enough for us after a few months of dating us. Unfortunately men are “cowards” when it comes to tell us that, so they disappear. EIther that or he got hit by a truck… ;)

    Are you ready for his reaction? if he reconnects with you, are you willing to forgive him? If he doesn’t and is with someone new, will you stop putting yourself down so much? For what you say in the blog, it seems he was circular dating, three months with a woman in a man’s mind is not really a lot of time.

    If it was me yes I would contact him, just a casual hello, just wondered how you’re doing etc.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 10:58am

  205. 205: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Heart

    I see I express myself in a way that might induce to think about abusive & violent expression as I use expressions like “who cares” “whatever”…etc… I want to say, It´s mostly beacuse I´m not English-native and it´s a bit hard for me to translate intense emotions into words sometimes…
    I feel strongly about that the self-love is a base for everything else…also to a healthy communication with everyone. So I concentrate on expressing that via attitude, how someone should feel about themselves (positive, loving themselves every moment, not letting their self-esteem to get low if a situation with a man doesn´t work out). It is not usually that I would use harsh words while expressing myself to a man. I also try to see the things as they just are. Not that a man is bad nor that I am bad. There are just situations & relationships that are not a match.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:00am

  206. 206: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – I was responding to your statement about not caring about how a grown man handle his feelings …that it wasn’t your problem…
    I Care about a grown man’s feelings and would act differently in the situation.
    We’re different ppl and handle different situations …Differently…
    I’m sensing a debatish tone and vibe to you..
    I feel like you want to have your cake and eat it too….
    You want to Not care about how a man in that situation would feel but you Also want to be seen having Empathy?
    Strange…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:01am

  207. 207: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – I agree with ALA ….give it a few days..

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:02am

  208. 208: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    9 months Luzydel. I dont know what to say. I dont know if I have expectations. I am ready to be myself and let go of fear.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:05am

  209. 209: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Rebecca

    What I´ve read about your job situation it does seem that the environment is hostile & that your boss is unprofessional. Maybe there´s even hints of mobbing (not giving a person clrar instructions what her job is, and not giving him stuff to do could be considered that where I am)…I would also try to look for a new job, but also try to document the situation & inform myself about the laws and what a worker can do in such circumstances. Or maybe demand a proper explanation-list of my responsibilities and a proper work-load. (Don´t really know if that´s possible in where you´re working, it is here in Europe where I am, although few people are brave enough to do it… I believe it´s our responsablity to require being treated well, also by legal means if not other ways possible).

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:06am

  210. 210: ALANo Gravatar says:

    @Rebecca – I feel empathy for you!

    I work for myself, alone, except when a client comes in. So, I’m not very familiar w/ office politics.

    hmmm, try to feel gratitude that you actually DO have a job while so many are unemployed… while looking for another job that fulfills you.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:08am

  211. 211: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((Rebecca))))))))))

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:15am

  212. 212: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @Heart

    Ok.. I admit I feel triggered about your words about empathy levels and I want to explain to not be considered as someone with low empathy levels. Maybe it could be debatish…yes. And probably it shows I am unsure of myself and blame myself of being unsensitive sometimes. I´m not perfect yet,,,not at all.
    ..I see you refer to this phrase..”But also I feel not responsible of a grown up man’s reactions & feelings. If he feels like that then it’s his job to protect himself from me.”

    I continue to say it´s not my responsibility how he reacts to my contacting and what his feeling are. I can not control that. He might be happy even. If I call him to say I miss him… for example. Or he might be angry… I don’t mean here I don´t care about his feelings. But I am not withholding my feelings & my truth for a fear he might get disturbed. If he does, then I deal with the consecuences… But it´s mostly because I trust him being a grown up and dealing with his side of the communication. I see that as respect. I woudln´t call him to say disrespectful things to him, or to blame him of anything…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:20am

  213. 213: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    And of course, we are different and deal differently with the situations that occur.
    I wouldn´t want to put a man’s feelings on a pedestal or regard them with higher value than my own feelings. But I don´t agree this means I don´t have empathy. That’s the essence of what I was saying.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:24am

  214. 214: Memulo says:

    Before dumbcd I didn’t have axtelationship for a very long time. I was so out of shape and out of touch with reality. I feel a lot more confident now about handling a guy – any guy. I feel so upset this came back to me late

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:25am

  215. 215: Memulo says:

    I have an Oscar viewing party to go to tonight and a date after.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:31am

  216. 216: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Rori teaches us a different way of communicating our feelings. She highlights expressing ourselves in ways that are non blaming. We take responsibility for our feelings, express them in a feeling way, & then let the person respond. I’ve started applying this in many areas of my life. It feels so much better when I own my stuff, express it, & provide the space for real communication/healing.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:34am

  217. 217: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 215 Memulo

    That sounds good!

    Regardin the call, I would give it few time as others have suggested, and then check in with myself to see how I am feeling about it and if I still would want to call or not.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:35am

  218. 218: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    I just had a cd text me, & say he wants to do something challenging/new on our first date. He wants to go rock climbing!! Whoo! I feel excited. :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:38am

  219. 219: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ MovingMagic

    Wow that sounds like real fun! How exciting!!!

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:41am

  220. 220: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii – As before …I was responding to your initial statements. I feel weirded out that you’ve become so unhinged & defensive from one statement….And now you are taking this discussion All over the place and making it about all kinds of things it hadnt been about before…
    I encourage u to sink & feel….
    I will as well….

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:43am

  221. 221: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks sirens, yes, maybe it’s “mobbing” – although I’ve never heard that word before :) That’s exactly what is happening. I just feel unbelievably paranoid – because people who I thought I trusted seem to be saying things behind my back. I don’t know who I can trust and who I can talk to. Even if I ask a question it gets back to everybody and it gets twisted…

    I just don’t know if they are all really, really annoyed at me??

    Hmm….

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:47am

  222. 222: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhh Memulo, the party sounds fun!! Maybe wear some sequins for the ocassion? Like you’re channeling your inner Oscar winning diva? That’s what I would do. ;)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:48am

  223. 223: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    ArabianLove – 203 – just to fill you in briefly I have been in my current job for 3 months with no real brief or job description – well there is but there is no explanation on how to carry it out – who to report to, etc…

    Anyway on the day I started my line manager who took me on left. He showed me my desk, introduced me to the entire office and then left. Oh, and he told me to go to a workshop which I did.

    Anyway, weeks, months have gone on and I’m still not a lot clearer. My line manager now, is someone who I’ve barely met and doesn’t really know what I do.

    Anyway, she is now on my case asking me what the problem is and that she’s heard all sorts of reports that I’ve been crying and that I don’t like anybody etc, etc…

    Obviously I was pretty stressed out by this and told her that ever since I’ve worked here I’ve had barely any work to do, and for the last month zilch. Again she told me it was my fault and I would only get out of a job what I put into it…

    Well, that’s it, in a nutshell. I feel very scared, down and depressed by it all and I guess I am turning it in o myself.

    Whenever I confide in other colleagues they go running back to her. So I don’t know what’s been said behind my back…

    It’s all freaking me out to the point where I was very ill last week and my hair was all brittle and my skin was all dry..

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:56am

  224. 224: GlowStixNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon!

    How exciting! Cake baking/decorating classes are so much fun! I’m rooting for you building your dreams xxx

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:00pm

  225. 225: ALANo Gravatar says:

    I forget who said this:

    “What other people think of me is none of my business”

    I know a little about this from my own experience. Mobbing, bullying is a part of our primal DNA. When tribes needed cooperation within the group to defeat another tribe for scarce resources.

    They also pick on the perceived weaker person because of something traumatic within themselves that has yet to be healed. It’s the only way they know how to feel better about themselves.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:01pm

  226. 226: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m also left thinking – is it me? Am I being a bad person? Am I getting something wrong? Is something expected of me that I don’t know about…

    Pffff….. It’s going round and round in my head…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:02pm

  227. 227: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((Rebecca))))))))))))

    No it´s not you.
    It´s normal to want to know clearly what one’s job is. And feel confused & bad if there is no clear information around this. How can any sane person tell you it´s your fault? Are you expected to arrive to a new job and just sit there and take from the air what you need to do. No, I think not.
    Have you communicated to the line manager you really need some clear instructions? And what she expects you to do exactly… Wow…this must really feel stressing….I believe you.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:22pm

  228. 228: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Ok..
    Heart – I still don´t see this being all over the place, but maybe I am… I don´t have so good day myself today. I had understood on this blog we can write all of this..
    So…can I write here what I feel?
    Or you mean I should feel on my own and not write?

    I´m not feeling bad or unhinged here (had to look that up from the dictionary)…but yes, defensive, and unfairly labelled…as someone who is not empathetic nor knows how to act properly. And I don´t understand how my words can be perceived as such.

    I feel there was a misreading of my words & later I feel labelled with a negative quality which I don´t feel is fair based on what I had said.

    And I feel triggered a lot when I see sirens beating themselves up and considering themselves low-value or not enough or similar… It´s probably reflecting of how I was just few time ago and it has cost me a lot of work to be able to express my feelings rather than withhold them. I have been overly considerate towards men’s feelings and I have cared more for them than I have cared for me. So from there I get strongly emotional about

    I do think it´s quite hard to express oneself fully on this blog, and it only is by glimpses… So some words directed to me seem harsh & unfair to me.

    But It´s still all good, as I don’t really feel bad either. And I feel good about noticing my triggers, so thank you, Heart, for bringing them to mu attention!

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:30pm

  229. 229: Memulo says:

    Maybe I’m not losing my cool completely given I was silent for so long?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:32pm

  230. 230: Memulo says:

    MovingMagic, thank you, I have a very s-xy short dress that fits me perfectly and I know everyone will be looking. How much does it all matter if it doesn’t give me what I want;)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:36pm

  231. 231: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    @ Rebecca
    Thanks for filling me in :) !

    Hmm.. I agree with Ulii (227) that maybe you should simply go to your line manager and ask her what your job entails and ask her how you can help her etc.

    I would be friendly to everyone and just smile, which I’m sure you do already.
    I would not confide in anyone anymore, simply because you are not sure whether you could trust your coworkers at all and obviously any complaint can get back to your manager who doesn’t seem very open!

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:45pm

  232. 232: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Hope that helped a bit ;) !

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:50pm

  233. 233: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    This is my plan from here on.
    I will lean back and let him take the lead.
    I will not wait on him anymore.
    I will love myself.
    I will accept only formal date offers. – I doubt he will live up to this expectation, he will probably just disappear since it will be too much work.
    Plus I feel it’s just so hard for me to not accepting anything I get from him because I just want to see him so badly!
    Oh boy…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 12:58pm

  234. 234: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    correction * not to accept just about anything I get from him since I want to see him so badly!

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 1:12pm

  235. 235: Ernest DempseyNo Gravatar says:

    Great commentary, Rori!
    I went through a dark night a few years ago. While in it, it was the most difficult time in my life. Now I have something so much better in many aspects of my life, not just relationship. But my relationship is mutually supportive and extremely caring. I would never appreciate it as much as I do without going through that dark night of the soul.
    Also, your thoughts about stating what you want and getting it out there are what I call “planting your flag.” It’s the things you want, believe in, that are important to you. In great relationships, you don’t give up what you want. The other person should want you to have those things.
    It’s giving up the things you want that make relationships hard. I think relationships should be easy. When you’re with the right person, they definitely are. Doesn’t mean it’s perfect. But it’s really close. :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 1:18pm

  236. 236: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Ulii: I believed it was u who said this in the last thread.

    “I don´t know about poofing. I mean, I have never ever had anyone I cared deeply about poofed without any explanation. If a man is going to leave… I found there is always an explanation and usually it has been logical and I have known it from before. I don´t mean the ones who talk few lines with you on a dating site or in a pub, maybe ask my number and then don´t follow through. These I forget almost immediatyely about. But in a case there has been some kind of relationship or dating situation, no-one has just disappeared on me.” Ulii trust me when a man disappears on u, meaning a man u were involved with, it is not a nice feeling. I am glad this never happened to u. When u are involved with a man for a period of time, if he wants out, the least he can do is to do the honourable thing to give u closure. And like u said – am not talking about someone who u communicate with for a short time who stops contacting. Girl I know what u are talking about. My boyfriend disappeared on me 7 months ago. Memulo: when I hear u bring up this topic of the man who disappeared on u, I always have to respond. Do u notice how different people take different times to heal. Your guy disappeared on u 5 months ago and it is still bothering u. My guy disappeared on me 7 months ago and to be honest, I think I got over him fully in December, to tell u the truth, 5 months after he disappeared. I am suggesting that you go to counselling. I don’t remember if I have suggested it before. If u were to call him, do u have any expectations of him. I really feel for u.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 1:22pm

  237. 237: Memulo says:

    I hope for a human conversation

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 1:28pm

  238. 238: Memulo says:

    Counseling won’t help me, thanks K2012.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 1:30pm

  239. 239: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I know I need to have a talk with HS. Using a power script.
    FolkSong CD was alright. We went for a ride in his convertible.
    I know you CD to avoid getting hung-up on one man. But what do you do if you are ALREADY hung-up on one man when you start to CD?
    It doesn’t seem to help, and I have tried several times, very sincerely.
    ????

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 1:42pm

  240. 240: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo you are dressing for you, because you feel good about yourself. Go with an open heart. You never know where you will meet The One.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 1:47pm

  241. 241: k2012No Gravatar says:

    238: Memulo, counselling won’t help u? Oh dear. Sorry to hear that.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 2:38pm

  242. 242: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I am thinking.. perhaps my call will never be returned, even if he knows it’s me calling. No need to call again.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 2:59pm

  243. 243: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Why didnt I at least block my number

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:13pm

  244. 244: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    K2012, there were guys who I forgot in a month, no disappearing though. It all depends on each specific situation.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:32pm

  245. 245: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t regret anything you have done Memulo :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:38pm

  246. 246: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe his gfriend made him delete our texts and my number with them.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:47pm

  247. 247: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I rate the chance that he deleted our texts as very high:) What do you think?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:54pm

  248. 248: innanaNo Gravatar says:

    I think you’re obssessing too much over the answer. Take a nice soothing bubble bath instead and don’t worry so much about the ‘what ifs’ cuz it’s not your business anymore. :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:56pm

  249. 249: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – I believe usually the phone inbox gets full at some point and older messages must be deleted if you want to have space for newer ones.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 3:57pm

  250. 250: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    It was nice to hear his voice saying his name on the greeting. So it’s a win/win situation

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:00pm

  251. 251: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, what are you passionate about in life? Like truly, absolutely, heart skips a beat passionate? For me, it’s dance. I’ve found that the more I do of it, the less time/energy I have in my life for the things that aren’t serving me. Interestingly enough, people are drawn to that…& if not, well…they’re just not. ;)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:01pm

  252. 252: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “You can’t dance around what you need to say to a man. You can’t pretend you don’t want what you want.” This is a good post. Trust me. I am certainly not going to pretend that I don’t want what I want. For example with Overseas cd, I told him that I am interested in a relationship. U see I have no time to fool around with men who are not serious so if u can’t give me what I want u LEAVE. Its that simple. Since the breakup between Disappearing ex and myself ( as matter of he broke up by disappearing) I have learnt so much from all the relationship coaches that I have subscribed to, especially Rori. The newsletters were really helpful in my healing and opened my eyes. I have neverb been afraid to ask for what I want from a man. If u can’t give me what I want and u leave, it is obvious that were not the right man in the first place. I am not walking on no eggshells for no man and I am not going to be afraid to ask for what I want.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:01pm

  253. 253: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii- yes, absolutely. I am worried he could identify my phone number, that’s all.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:02pm

  254. 254: innanaNo Gravatar says:

    <<<>>> @69 – Sorry for missing your question. The answer for whether I know why I am pulled towards him despite all the pain caused by the relationship, I don’t have an answer for you. One thing I do know though is that after the breakups with this guy lets call him R, I circular dated (big time! lol) and even found someone I liked! But I broke up after 3 months because for one thing, R came back full gusto with the mindset that he had read some books and learned all the right things to do to make things work between us. Also, I broke up with the new guy because I think my heart was elsewhere.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:08pm

  255. 255: innanaNo Gravatar says:

    INDIGO – I meant to address my last post to you!

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:11pm

  256. 256: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Memulo u called him? Seems like I missed something. What was his response?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:13pm

  257. 257: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Why are you worried about that Memulo?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:14pm

  258. 258: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca,

    I have always felt connected to your feelings about your work environment. I just recently escaped a legitimately toxic work situations and even then my NVs tried to attack me in the new department. Crafty little b*st*rds! I just want you to know I get you.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:20pm

  259. 259: innanaNo Gravatar says:

    HEART – thanks so much for your insight and feedback about my approach. I agree that my covert way of saying I wanted to see him came across as needy and weak. In my own mind, I was allowing myself to feel vulnerable and tap into the sadness I was feeling for not having seen him in a couple of days given the degree of our closeness and successful interactions the last time we had seen each other. I missed our closeness and wasn’t getting the same sense back from him. I felt sad, resentful and frustrated by it. I’m definitely going to get Rori’s e-book. But truthfully, it feels like I’ve tried a bazillion methods (anger, sadness, happiness, resentfullness, hurt and fear) and NONE have consistently worked. I’m glad that since last last fall I broke up with him telling him I could never win with him as whatever way I tried to be myself it was never good enough. SHEESH!

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:26pm

  260. 260: innanaNo Gravatar says:

    But obviously, here I am asking for advice about something that happened months ago. Since last fall, we have kept in touch and chatted with each other once or twice a week. He dropped off flowers at my doorstep for my birthday in January. Argh!

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:31pm

  261. 261: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 236 k2012

    Yes it was me who wrote that. I didn’t mean to devalue anybody’s experience. I really believe it feels awful when someone disappears on you, specially a long term man you care a lot about.
    I just same time feel curious how it is really possible without any signs at all, like if you are deeply connected with your inner feeling & intuition, aren’t there any red flags that maybe told you that he’s going to disappear before it really happened? Or if you didn’t feel it back then, then maybe now, remembering, are’t there some possible warning-signs you notice from a distance that passing time has given. I am only asking from a place of wanting o know & understand, because it does feel horrible such a thing can happen without any warning like a natural disaster. I wouldn’t like to ever experience it. And I feel grateful I haven’t.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 4:35pm

  262. 262: Memulo says:

    There was no response K2012. It went to an automated message saying that his voicemail is full and I can’t leave axmessage

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:05pm

  263. 263: Memulo says:

    Ulii I’m worried because it’s not pleasant to compromise your dignity;)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:08pm

  264. 264: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    So, how would him knowing you called compromise your dignity? If you called because you wanted, and if he had been able to take the call…he would have known anyway it was you… I’m sorry I don’t understand.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:25pm

  265. 265: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Memulo-Ok his voicemail was full, ok.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:27pm

  266. 266: Memulo says:

    Right, the call was dignity compromising any way you put. But I knew it when I called.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:29pm

  267. 267: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Innana – 259 – If whatever you have tried is not “good enough” (though I would ask you to do your best to be YOURSELF, REAL and AUTHENTIC as much of the time as possible), then this is not the man for you.

    All of this work, everything which goes into creating relationship comes back to you, starts with you.
    I say a lot that when things feel bad to bring it back to you. It’s the same here. It’s always about you. How you feel. And feeling good starts with you, filling your life with people, activities, passions which fill YOU up.

    And the kind of men you really want will begin to show up and want to be with you, ones who will treat you well, maybe better than you ever could have dreamed of.

    xxoo

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:35pm

  268. 268: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I believe it’s a judgement you make in your head, for me it’s not at all compromising your dignity.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:37pm

  269. 269: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe she feels it was dignity compromising because she is feeling bad for not getting the response she truly hoped for? Is that possible ?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:38pm

  270. 270: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – SO what to all of it. So what you’re pining. So what you called. So what his voicemail was full though assuming anything around this SO does not serve you. So what he might recognize your number.

    You did what you felt compelled to do, and it’s ALL good. Maybe not what I would have suggested, yet it is what it is, and truly it’s ALL good.

    So please try now to stop tearing yourself to pieces over this.

    In the grand scheme of live and love, it’s a blip.

    Now please go and try to do something which feels good to you, anything. The Oscars are on. Must be some gorgeous dresses to drool over.

    xxoo

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:39pm

  271. 271: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I love Dominique’s comment !

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:40pm

  272. 272: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    :) Love it also, yay Dominique! :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:44pm

  273. 273: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    All I know and what I’ve learned with the help of the tools and this blog, is that men with good intentions do not disappear. Yes they may back up a little and take some space to breath, but they do not disappear.

    I see a man who disappear as disrespectful and inconsiderate. He may have the right to do whatever he wants, but I do not want him in my life if he doesn’t have the decency to tell me upfront. Men who disappear are childish… Unless I am a psycho, crazy, fatal attraction type of woman, I don’t see why a mature grown man would disappear…

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 5:54pm

  274. 274: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hm. So I had a bust up with Curly.
    We had a nice day but he was already frustrated due to money problems and not being able to take me to a place he had wanted to go to.
    No problem for me. We went elsewhere.
    Then a girl in a bikini walks past, she was only averagely attractive but very made up and approached three guys (married) on the table next to us. She was actually a hooker.
    She looked very gaunt and not very womanly.
    All of a sudden Curly pipes up to encourage the married men to take a chance and ‘go with the flow’ since the wives are in New York.
    I felt very icky hearing that and they kind of ignored him and smiled lamely. I said that this was making me feel weird and he said ‘aaah it was only a joke, look how hot that girl is and those married guys haven’t got a clue what to do with her’.
    Uhmm. Ok.
    In the same moment he was getting text messaged from a woman whom in the space of two weeks he seems to have become closest friends…he helped her move, she gave him furniture, stayed in his house, he was thinking of finding her a job and so on. Meanwhile he had promised to help me fix stuff in my place and never did it.
    So I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable.
    It all culminated in some ways with him saying once again that although I am a ‘plain Jane’, he would of course rather be with me than with some over made up woman. But that given half a chance he would like to dress me.
    This is my biggest trigger, because I do believe that I dress very sexy…but not like a hooker, no. Neither do I want to. I was wearing a very tight halterneck summer dress today. Anything but plain Jane.
    So I asked him to please never again call me that, and I also said that I did actually like the way I dress..and we got into an argument with him saying I could show more flesh.
    Haha. I already wear short skirts and tiny shorts…I assume he would like to see me go out naked? In a bikini?
    No idea.
    I said that if he thought I was too plain for him he could go ahead and find someone else, not my problem. Then he freaked and said I ruin the day with my insecurities and bla bla bla..wow. he showed a real temper and even hit the dashboard and said ‘don’t be such a bitch’.
    Well, that was my cue to check out.
    I said if I had the chance to be with someone who called me a bitch or stay alone for the rest of my life, he knows which one I would choose.
    Pah.
    I know he was more upset about not being able to take me to the event, but that is no excuse.
    He was asking me, as he was dropping me off whether ‘this was it’ and I just thanked him for driving me home and left the car.
    He can apologize, if not he doesn’t need to be in y life. I am really not all that tolerant of abusive language. Even if it is said in the heat of the moment.
    My men don’t talk to me like that.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:01pm

  275. 275: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hm. So I had a bust up with Curly.
    We had a nice day but he was already frustrated due to money problems and not being able to take me to a place he had wanted to go to.
    No problem for me. We went elsewhere.
    Then a girl in a bikini walks past, she was only averagely attractive but very made up and approached three guys (married) on the table next to us. She was actually a professional h**ker offering her services.
    She looked very gaunt and not very womanly.
    All of a sudden Curly pipes up to encourage the married men to take a chance and ‘go with the flow’ since the wives are in New York.
    I felt very icky hearing that and they kind of ignored him and smiled lamely. I said that this was making me feel weird and he said ‘aaah it was only a joke, look how hot that girl is and those married guys haven’t got a clue what to do with her’.
    Uhmm. Ok.
    In the same moment he was getting text messaged from a woman whom in the space of two weeks he seems to have become closest friends…he helped her move, she gave him furniture, stayed in his house, he was thinking of finding her a job and so on. Meanwhile he had promised to help me fix stuff in my place and never did it.
    So I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable.
    It all culminated in some ways with him saying once again that although I am a ‘plain Jane’, he would of course rather be with me than with some over made up woman. But that given half a chance he would like to dress me differently.
    This is my biggest trigger, because I do believe that I dress very sexy…but not like a h**ker, no. Neither do I want to. I was wearing a very tight halterneck summer dress today. Anything but plain Jane.
    So I asked him to please never again call me that, and I also said that I did actually like the way I dress..and we got into an argument with him saying I could show more flesh.
    Haha. I already wear short skirts and tiny shorts…I assume he would like to see me go out n*ked? In a bikini?
    No idea.
    I said that if he thought I was too plain for him he could go ahead and find someone else, not my problem. Then he freaked and said I ruin the day with my insecurities and bla bla bla..wow. he showed a real temper and even hit the dashboard and said ‘don’t be such a b*tch’.
    Well, that was my cue to check out.
    I said if I had the chance to be with someone who called me a b*tch or stay alone for the rest of my life, he knows which one I would choose.
    Pah.
    I know he was more upset about not being able to take me to the event, but that is no excuse.
    He was asking me, as he was dropping me off whether ‘this was it’ and I just thanked him for driving me home and left the car.
    He can apologize, if not he doesn’t need to be in y life. I am really not all that tolerant of abusive language. Even if it is said in the heat of the moment.
    My men don’t talk to me like that.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:03pm

  276. 276: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – Wow, so sorry. I guess the true colors have been shown. Love to you sweetheart.

    xxoo

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:07pm

  277. 277: Memulo says:

    Yes Luzydel and I came back for more;)

    Thank you Dominique.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:08pm

  278. 278: Memulo says:

    (((Tam))))

    I saw dignity compromising because I came back despite all the hurt I went thru, like they can do anything to me and I will be back.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:16pm

  279. 279: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Luzydel:”men with good intentions do not disappear. Yes they may back up a little and take some space to breath, but they do not disappear.

    I see a man who disappear as disrespectful and inconsiderate. He may have the right to do whatever he wants, but I do not want him in my life if he doesn’t have the decency to tell me upfront. Men who disappear are childish… Unless I am a psycho, crazy, fatal attraction type of woman, I don’t see why a mature grown man would disappear…”. Excellent post Luzydel. I agree with you 100 percent. Disrespectful and inconsiderate indeed I tell u Luzydel and childish. Trust me I tell u. U know as we are on the subject of disappearance, it flash crossed my mind that if I was ever to run into disappearing ex, I would just step past him, without a word. I would totally ignore him. There will be a batch reunion of my year at one of the high chools I went to. If he was to come especially like how its the summer, he might just visit our country, I would TOTALLY ignore him. Everybodys recovery process is different. My sisters boyfriend who was here with my sister and I when disappearing ex disappeared was most upset. We had just introduced him (my sisters boyfriend) to disappearing ex just the day before and when he heard he disappeared, he was totally shocked. I lost count of the number of times my sister told me he asked if I heard from disappearing ex.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:17pm

  280. 280: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 274 Tam

    OMG this is rude! Iḿ so sorry to hear that.

    “He can apologize, if not he doesn’t need to be in y life. I am really not all that tolerant of abusive language. Even if it is said in the heat of the moment.
    My men don’t talk to me like that.”

    I’d feel he same. Abusive language in any form… I only give one chance to that man to apologize in case he has been used to talk that way in his previous life and has no clue & it indeed was a heated moment…but there’s only one warning, then I’m out of there.

    And from what I’ve seen you always look very sexy & classy.

    ((((((Tam))))))

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:19pm

  281. 281: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Dominique, well it’s kind of strange because the whole time I did have the feeling that he was taking something out on me that had nothing to do with me, like the frustration of not being able to take me to the event we had planned to go because it was just too expensive.
    And he has been very sweet to me until this thing happened…but the stuff with this h**ker was quite upsetting, especially since there was such a clear difference in the three guys from New York as compared to the guys down here…likt they were really not all that interested in the bikini woman, whereas Curly seemed to be? Very odd…
    And I get terribly triggered by his suggestions I should dress differently…I mean, he is 24 years older than me also. And he would rather see me in teenagers clothes, or ‘too short’ stuff? I don’t know what the deal is with that, frankly.
    He knows who I am and I don’t consider myself as a fixer-upper….it’s intriguing me.
    He keeps saying how he doesn’t want a high maintenance, highly made up woman. Yet he wouold like to turn me into one? uhmmm….I don’t get that.
    Whatever.
    It’s the south Florida disease to a certain extent, I hear it all the time…but this girl ain’t changing and putting on a show of her private parts. No thanks ;)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:19pm

  282. 282: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Ulii, totally agree with what you write there and thanks for the compliment :)
    I can say the same about you…from what I have seen on photos :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:21pm

  283. 283: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Tam I am so sorry to hear that. The man is rude. He should apologize yes. Yes Uliii, indeed.”there’s only one warning, then I’m out of there.” On second thoughts, I don’t think I could get past a man who call me that word. I think I would drop him instantly. That is abuse and it MIGHT HAPPEN AGAIN. Some of these men can be disrespectful eh! My goodness. I have zero tolerance for disrespectful men. We are the prize ladies. Kick him to the curb. No wonder we have to circular date and weed out the disgusting one.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:35pm

  284. 284: k2012No Gravatar says:

    The disgusting ones. I am watching a show in which the woman propose to the man. Omg! Lol.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:43pm

  285. 285: PeNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    Men unconsciously test us all the time just to see how far they can go with us, it’s a “man thang”. They even through phrases like : ” maybe some day we can buy a house together…” i mean a guy who doesn’t even consider you has his girlfriend is hoping that some day you guys can buy a house together…don’t make me laugh, that’s when you show them that they still got work to do before u even consider something like that, u won’t fall for those sweet words when his actions doesn’t match them “well, we’ll have to see where it goes. If this works out, maybe yes, someday we can do that. that would be nice” same thing when out of the blues he says something rude or does something disrespectful, u immediately show them you ain’t having any of that. Even when you are in committed relationship or married and they really love you, you will still have to deal with these “tests” from time to time, you have to continually show them that even when you love/like them and 6 years as passed your boundaries are ALWAYS the same, it hasn’t magically disappear.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 6:51pm

  286. 286: TamNo Gravatar says:

    k2012 and Pe, thank you!!
    Yes, yes and yes.
    He was blowing off steam and testing how far he could go. And went too far. And he knew it.
    In fact, he drove back home like a maniac and I was just looking out of the window thinking how silly men are. I mean, we are slaves to our hormones, but boy they are also. All the testosterone in that truck…I nearly felt faint from it, and he blew up a wheel also. It was pretty funny but I had to bite my lip…a couple of times I came pretty close to laughing out loud.
    Strangely, I was not really upset, just felt like he needs to learn that whatever he has done before with whatever women, and what he is used to – does not apply to me. Perhaps others dress a certain way, maybe they fire back with abusive words in the heat of the moment…but I am me. And I don’t do that.
    He knows exactly what he has on his hands. He told me just before, that he has never been with anyone remotely like me and that I am the best and most classy woman he ever had. Well then.
    I would be surprised if he wouldn’t be back with his tail between his legs..but even if he isn’t, that’s fine also.
    I am not being called names, I am not being compared to h**kers as in them being more attractive than me (that is also not something ‘my’ man would do), and also, I am not being called a plain Jane. That’s the bottom line.
    Men come and go, self respect remains.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:01pm

  287. 287: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Pe

    “you have to continually show them that even when you love/like them and 6 years as passed your boundaries are ALWAYS the same, it hasn’t magically disappear.”

    I LOVE THIS! :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:04pm

  288. 288: PeNo Gravatar says:

    If a man is rude by nature yeah run like Forrest Gump and never stop. But if he’s being rude because he feels stressed, he is afraid, angry, is under pressure, feels attacked or is being defensive, hurt, trying to get a reaction out of you, you deal with it like Rori as showed us and you move on if they don’t apologize, feel like they had the right to act like that and just doesn’t and won’t want to respect your boundaries. And i’m not saying it’s acceptable at all !don’t get me wrong, i’m saying that they are humans and dealing with humans can be challenging depending on the person you are dealing with, i mean my family have said some pretty crude and rude things to me even though they love me and vice versa.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:09pm

  289. 289: PeNo Gravatar says:

    Ulli,

    :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:12pm

  290. 290: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 281 Tam

    :) Thank you!

    “I am not being called names, I am not being compared to h**kers as in them being more attractive than me (that is also not something ‘my’ man would do), and also, I am not being called a plain Jane. That’s the bottom line.
    Men come and go, self respect remains.”

    Yes to that! :)

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:15pm

  291. 291: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Ok… I’m off to sleep. This has been an emotional day for me & I need some rest. :)
    Hugs to all of you beautiful Sirens!

    ((((((((((((((sirens)))))))))))))))))

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:17pm

  292. 292: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Ulii!!

    And Pe, I totally agree. Curly has pulled some howlers on me before, once or twice. He has been quick to admit fault, apologize and make up also. He is a VERY masculine man and when he feels attacked or has his integrity questioned, he gets into a rant and that is the end of it. Temper. A lot of men are hard-headed like this. He was stressed today, so I would forgive him if he did apologize.

    But he is just a CD to me, I don’t consider myself in a relationship. He does somehow. And I also feel that some of his frustration stems from that. Not my problem. My problem is how I feel with him and he knows that….if I feel good he stays, if not he goes.
    It sounds a bit ruthless, but I just don’t want to get hung up on someone who is unlikely to make a good partner in the long term. I just wasted 2 1/2 years on someone like that, and life is too short.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 7:26pm

  293. 293: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I feel icky hearing about the story with Bikini-lady.

    Also it’s weird that Curly has no many female friends.
    Why doesn’t he take u places?
    Gosh Tam….What are his good points?
    Seems like he talks a lot about caring for you but doesn’t take your wants into Consideration….
    and seriously Tam….what are u doing with this Grandpa anyway?

    Next!

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:48pm

  294. 294: OliviaNo Gravatar says:

    Missing my ex-bf so hard.

    Worrying the current bf will never measure up.

    Or maybe I’ll never let him.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 8:57pm

  295. 295: Memulo says:

    Thank you sirens.

    I listened to old voicemails that I still have where he asks in each to call him back and says that he misses me. Somehow that made me feel better;) it was so shocking to hear his voice today. he didn’t get to hear mine and I don’t think he will recognize my number, after all this time he is not expecting it.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 9:39pm

  296. 296: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel glad MH surgery went well. I feel relieved.
    I feel glad we have friends who helped us. I feel blessed and connected. To be surrounded with these people makes me feel very good about myself.
    I feel thankful to myself that instead of being nag-gy at MH, I chose to lay on the couch, breath in and breath out, put my hand on my chest and asked myself what I felt there. I felt a tear rolling down my cheek. I felt grief. And then I felt cozy and warm. And good.
    I feel thankful to the Universe I’ve made new friends! I feel happy and good about myself.
    I feel thankful for MH present and his help in the kitchen. It feels pleasant and fun.

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:32pm

  297. 297: CambioNo Gravatar says:

    Long time lurker, first time posting. Trying to sort something out here.

    I’m CD’ing with three men right now with two being mostly casual and one being something with potential. The one with potential is so because he is smart, attentive, giving, has strong masculine energy and adores me. We have a great connection since date one and laughter and conversation are never in short supply.

    He is commitment-minded but the question I am stuck with is whether or not I want marriage and that level of commitment at this point. I’m recently divorced and not really sure that I want to be married again. My end goal (for now at least) may actually BE to be a girlfriend and perhaps us move in together.

    I’m not ready for that yet either. We have a few trips planned together coming up and I want to see how those feel before making any kind of move in that direction.

    What do you do if marriage is NOT your (current) commitment goal? The no GF speech seems superfluous since I don’t want to be married right now and what I do want is more of a girlfriend situation.

    He’s a good man who does lots of little things for me and just basks in and soaks up the rays of my femininity. He lets me just breathe and feel safe. I notice he withdraws just a little if I give too much or overfunction and when I just let him give like he wants to, I just melt into him and he just embraces that. It just works and I feel so safe, he tells me he’s very happy and it just kind of works. Attentive, responsible, loving, polite, funny, attractive, my friends think he is amazing, he cooks, he cleans and he treats me like a goddess without me putting much work into it. Why wouldn’t I want to marry a man like that? I probably would… someday.

    But I ended up in a marriage with a man who I’d known 20 years, who was my best friend and who changed from light grey to solid black in terms of mood and temperament when we married. Suddenly I was no longer someone he loved, I was his family and in his family they are all quite cruel to each other. I got out of that marriage as fast as I could but it wasn’t before I got a little shell shocked. Those are honest feelings of trauma I have and I am just not ready yet. I want to enjoy THIS for a while and not be a wife again until I know I can trust myself like I used to.

    I’m doing things differently this time in so many ways but yet I don’t want to be a wife right now so CD’ing until I have that commitment is counter-intuitive to what *I* want. Right now at least. I retain my right to change what I want later and see how that feels then.

    So, any suggestions on slight modifications to approaching things with this man under these circumstances?

    Sunday, 24 February 2013 @ 11:38pm

  298. 298: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Well I was on FB today & I saw a message Manboy posted to someone and I remembered him & felt turned off…
    How did I ever like him? Eeek. He’s a nice guy & funny but still….and I used to miss him and get triggered by his FB activoy …..I barely ever think about him now.

    Wow…There is hope for yet…I’ve been transfering this hung upness for years…I really want something real…something goo. So CudG is poofing kinda…or lost interest or whatever…I keeping him on my horse and focusing on myself…
    I don’t want to talk about him on here anymore…It’s starting~o feel like an Imaginary Relationship now…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:40am

  299. 299: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh Tam :/

    (((Tam)))

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:50am

  300. 300: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    I feel strong today.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:52am

  301. 301: KathNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sirens,

    Thanks Rori, as ever you must be inside my mind to have posted this when you did!- I am feeling very dark about myself and about my relationship of nearly two years now. Its what he’s done recently that has made me unnerved and yes, concerned about what he really feels for me. Even though I have been able to communicate my feelings, he has not understood and has done a very clever thing to turning it round so it becomes all about him and then he blows my mind by accusing me of twisting things!- I feel at a loss as to how to get past this or make things better.
    The first thing happened before Xmas when we were due to go to a party and his X (wife of 25yrs) was there. I wondered how she knew knew about it and did a bad thing, I looked at his mobile phone and discovered he’d sent her a text telling her about it and hoping to see her there. I didn’t confess to checking his phone but have felt compelled to do it quite regularly since. The second thing was that he has denied being in contact with another X (he calls her psycho!) when I have seen the text he sent her and her response for him to call her and the call log that he did!- The third thing is his Sister’s 50th and another X (but also a good female friend of his) wanted to travel up with us. I can’t stand this woman-not because she’s an x but because of the type of person she is. It seems that his loyalty to her is that she was there to help him (get drunk!) when his marriage broke up but is incapable of seeing what a parasite she really is. The psycho was also supposed to be at the party and he asked me for reassurance. I asked him for what, and he said because he knew I didn’t like the fact that he was still in contact with an x and felt uncomfortable about being in the car with us. When I asked him why he would feel uncomfortable, he couldn’t explain, said he didn’t know and got quite defensive and angry. The journey happened, the party took place, psycho didn’t appear but I am now left feeling very unhappy and upset by this apparent chain of events. Its making me feel like I used to and I thought I’d come a long way since then-please help!!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 3:16am

  302. 302: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Tam 296:”I just don’t want to get hung up on someone who is unlikely to make a good partner in the long term.” U are vquite right. I agree with u totally.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 3:24am

  303. 303: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Kath 299 , He has perhaps been dishonest to you and you likewise to him. I would be inclined to confess to looking at his phone that first time because you felt something was off and apologising for your dishonesty. You might then add that what you found there felt alarming to read and that you have felt worse since then and checked his phone several times and that there were some inconsistencies which are fuelling your insecurity. Nonetheless you know that checking up on him is inexcusable .

    I would then apologise sincerely for checking up on him, wait for his anger to subside (and hopefully hear his apology from him) then ask for a mutual open phone and internet policy, exchange of passwords etc. I would not be seeking reasons or explanations from him.I would ask him to help you put aside all the questions in your head.

    I would not engage in calling any other woman names like “psycho” and I would tell him it feels bad to hear name calling and you dont want to run other women down and hearing her name would feel respectful, what does he think?

    Others might have different opinions on this but i am of the “fess it up” camp here and ask for a fresh start.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 3:53am

  304. 304: Memulo says:

    I feel terrible this morning

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:08am

  305. 305: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((Memulo)))

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:13am

  306. 306: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am not feeling too great either.
    But, I am feeling defiant that it is sometimes normal to feel bad after we have stated what we don’t want and made an exit. It leaves a little void but it’s a good void.
    Life goes on!
    And it better go on with self-love and self-respect no matter how bad it feels in a moment, it will be ok!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:15am

  307. 307: TamNo Gravatar says:

    293 Heart lol…your post made me laugh this morning.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:18am

  308. 308: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Terrible as in phyusical?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:21am

  309. 309: Memulo says:

    No FW, humiliated about my call

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:28am

  310. 310: Memulo says:

    Yes Tam, much better with self-respect

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:29am

  311. 311: k2012No Gravatar says:

    I got a surprise a while ago from Overseas cd who wrote me a while ago that he was out of it last week as he was mourning his best friends death. He is still in mourning he says but he feels a little better now. I had forgotten about him for a little while. I saw that he posted a birthday message to one of our school mates some hours ago this morning but I decided that I wasn’t going to initiate contact. He messaged me about 20 mins ago. This morning I was just thinking of the other 2 men who I deleted from facebook-disappearing ex and the guy before that who I was interacting with. I decided that although overseas cd stopped writing, I wouldn’t delete him. I am waiting a while to respond to overseas cd. Don’t want to seem too anxious. I will be friendly, my usual self. I was speaking yesterday about how he stopped writing and said that although he told me he wanted a serious relationship, from the mere fact he doesn’t want to call, I cannot view him as a potential candidate for a relationship. As I said before all the same I have put him in the friend zone. I am going to have a bite to eat and respond to him. What are your thoughts on this? Dominique, and other ladies, I welcome your thoughts.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:31am

  312. 312: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel playful..
    &
    bouncey…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:52am

  313. 313: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – The thing is CudG was kinda like my Curly in a way…
    and now Look at me…I got hung up on him…
    So be careful about your substitute….you’re detached now…but the more time u spend with him…the more attached you’ll get…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:20am

  314. 314: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, yea, true.
    Thing is the ONE good thing about him was that he was always on ‘standby’ and always available and wanted to see me. He was working on my timetable..he he. I liked that :)
    whatever.
    I never felt the urge to chase him or contact him really. I feel quite neutral about the guy, hence I am not feeling the need to ‘work things out’.
    Before he dropped me off yesterday, he mentioned something, like ‘is this is?’ or ‘can we work this out’…something along those lines. I just said ‘thanks’ and collected my stuff.
    No. I don’t want to work anything out.
    He can work out how to fix this and if he doesn’t, it really makes no difference to me. I will just be a bit more bored and lonely, but certainly not heartbroken, not at all. My heart was never in this.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:27am

  315. 315: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …still hung up on someone else, ha! I don’t think it’s possible for me to get hung up on two guys at the same time. At least this :)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:28am

  316. 316: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    k2012 – 309 – I think you already have it all well figured out, so yay you.

    xxoo

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:31am

  317. 317: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    K2012 – Awwwr…(((hugs)))
    I really think you should start dating in real life….
    You’re obsessed with your own imagination (I’ve been there!….we all have…)
    Babystep your way out of this hole….Go flirt with someone.
    OverseasCd is not in the friendzone…if he was you wouldn’t be asking about him so much..
    Get in touch with your own feelings and motivations…
    I’m going to run a hot bath & have a sensual meditation…
    I want to calm my mind…

    I think I obsess so much about nothing because I like having the focus off of Me.
    When the focus is on Me…I realize I’m standing naked in the middle of nowhere
    with starlight and my own heartbeat…
    and I feel scared and headachy
    and uncomfortable with all the clarity…
    Fixating on a man..prevents me from dealing with myself…
    and I’ve found out Today that the last thing I want to do
    is focus on me…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:33am

  318. 318: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I know it’s really not my place…and I probably shouldnt be saying this but
    I’m starting to really Dislike Curly for you…
    he’s coming across as Abusive…and potentially Unfaithful…ick

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:38am

  319. 319: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo I encourage you to start a practice to evict such emotions out of your body

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:41am

  320. 320: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Humiliation the first step towards Get-Get-Getting over it

    At least Memulo, you’re no longer obsessing over whether to call him or not…
    Remember you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man..

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:48am

  321. 321: TamNo Gravatar says:

    317 Heart…uhmm…he is just a talker. And he hasn’t done himself any favours. I reason that if he was a good player, he wouldn’t put his foot in his mouth the whole time.
    BUT I am fed up also. I am fed up of women texting him, him developing emotional relationships with other women even when he wants to be my boyfriend. Fed up of him helping damsels in distress while he could be helping me with my place (how selfish of me).
    I am fed up of him delivering what feels like little put downs, the dressing thing and also another thing he keeps saying. He is implying that nobody (none of his male friends) saw what he sees…in the ‘plain Jane’. OMG. In reality, they all (3) tried to date me, even the one of the three who has a girlfriend.
    And he knows it.
    His best friend tried for a while, and I BLEW HIM OFF.
    Curly says that his best friend is looking for the perfect looking woman and implies that he rejected me – I guess because I am not that woman. What a laugh. Again, I blew the guy off…
    Oh and now he has found this absolutely gorgeous woman apparently….uhmmm. Ok. I am happy for him!! I don’t know what Curly is trying to say..that I am not good enough for a guy I blew off? Uhmmmm…too funny.
    At first I was laughing this kinda stuff off. Because it is quite stupid, especially now that it has been repeated so many times.
    And now I am wondering….whether he needs to deliver these subtle put-downs subconsciously because he is well aware of the fact that he is
    - 24 years older than me
    - financially a disaster
    and that perhaps he feels a little inferior and needs to blow himself up? And he achieves that by making me less desirable/valuable in his and my eyes? I dunno. He also praises me a lot too. It’s a little schizo, frankly.
    I don’t think he does this deliberately…but I am really fed up of hearing these things…as if I am some kind of little rat who was waiting for a guy to pick me up and all his friends passed…which is SO NOT what happened…in fact, one of his friends is still working on me right now!
    Hahaha.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:52am

  322. 322: TamNo Gravatar says:

    For some reason I feel better now, I think it was Heart’s comment about focusing on oneself often being more painful than focusing on a man.
    That kind of resonated with me.
    Hence I am going to focus on myself today in a big way. once I am done with my work tasks, I shall take myself to the beach for lunch and tonight for a looooooooong walk.
    It is beautiful weather here and I am going to make the very most of it as I may not be here long.
    Live for today, Tam.
    Men come and go…. :)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:57am

  323. 323: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Date with exoticCD was awesome …more to come…. I’m feeling butterflies and dreamy! He missed me last night and he is a very very good kisser! I was melting! As usual I brought all u sirens with me in spirit so I was using the tools and wow they are powerful :-) :-)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:08am

  324. 324: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Emersooooonnnnn!! wuhoo!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:08am

  325. 325: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    He kissed me not missed me lol

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:09am

  326. 326: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi tam <3

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:10am

  327. 327: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon I love your business ideas and your ambition is inspiring !!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:11am

  328. 328: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – yup I believe he is insecure about his age..I mean the stuff he is saying is just tacky & rude…He Sounds Delusional
    You’re 24 years younger than him…Every guy knows he is LUCKY to be with someone so much younger than him!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:31am

  329. 329: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “You’re obsessed with your own imagination.”. Heart, I laughed when I saw this. Omg. Thanks for the hugs and your comments. Thanks too Dominique. “OverseasCd is not in the friendzone…if he was you wouldn’t be asking about him so much..”. Wow, my goodness. U serious, Heart. Ok. I just realize what u are saying. In other words, then if I really viewed him as a friend, I wouldn’t be interested enough to be asking about him. I see. U know I want to start dating in real life. Still haven’t met anyone yet. I was supposed to go to the park by myself on Friday, but it wasn’t possible cause I had to go to the supermarket. Saturday, I was absolutely exhausted and slept for most of the day. Yesterday, I linked up with some cousins who were visiting from overseas for the funeral of one of our family member and afterwards I had to go home to cook as my parents were coming to visit. I am dying to meet someone face to face. This morning as I was at my desk, I said in my mind a short time ago that one day overseas cd is going to hear from me that I now have a boyfriend. Yep for real. He is going to hear that from me one day (that is if he doesn’t stop writing me totally before I find someone serious.)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:32am

  330. 330: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    YAY EMERS!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:32am

  331. 331: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam I am feeling turned off big time reading about Curly. I know I would not feel respected by the constant plain Jane comment. Knowing me I would tell him to go stuff that comment where the sun don’t shine.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:38am

  332. 332: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    K2012 it seems to me that the supermarket and the funeral were some excellent places to meet people who you could CD. I wonder if you have an unconscious block to where you could possibly meet people?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:40am

  333. 333: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    K2012 – K2012 -(((hugs))) I have little revenge fantasies like that too…
    Chances are you’re probably feeling a little rejected & angry under the surface..

    How about a new Mantra K2012?
    How about at least trying to change your internal dialogue a lttle? That’s what I try to do…you know baby steps.

    How about instead of — I want overseascd to hear I have a boyfriend…
    to
    One day I’m going to have an awesome relationship.

    Little things make a big difference…I find..

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:46am

  334. 334: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “Unfortunately men are “cowards” when it comes to tell us that, so they disappear.” Yep. True true. Bigtime cowards. “stuff that comment where the sun don’t shine”. Feminine Woman, I am cracking up at this. Trust me. Those expressions are always used by our nationality, eh. Omg. Anyway curly is out of order though Tam. I didn’t like what he was doing encouraging the married guys to hook up with the lady. Tam that is disrespectful to u. Seems like he is a player. Good thing u are cding Tam.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:52am

  335. 335: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Well Blog – I’ve been noticing how anxious I am to get things done….Even writing responses on the blog I have this rushed energy…Little by little I am learning to slow things down…
    Wow so difficult…
    Also I’ve become aware of my breathing…
    Sometimes when I’m doing things I hold my breath…
    it’s like I forget to breathe and it contributes to my Rushed-get-it-done kind of feeling…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:52am

  336. 336: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    FW – the funeral? *raises eyebrow*

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:56am

  337. 337: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Heart when I do meditation and focus on my heart area feeling feelings of gratitude, appreciation and love through visualizing past experiences I find myself sometimes riding on deep waves of emotions. It feels like floating on a river with the waves going through my physical. At times it feels scary because it feels so real and I find myself crying.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:59am

  338. 338: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Funerals include a celebration of life where sometimes we have all night gatherings singing and eating. The people include large numbers of friends and family.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:03am

  339. 339: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #335 – Sounds very beautiful FW.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:08am

  340. 340: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    FW – what meditation is this?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:13am

  341. 341: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I do several Heart. I have been focussing on Arielle Ford’s Feelingization recently. I post it a couple of times earlier but I believe the site took it down now.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:15am

  342. 342: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am listening to Christy Whitman discussing law of allowing. In the case of the plain Jane comment I understand now that was an opportunity to create a boundary. She says look inside yourself and see if it felt like an “ouch” in your body. If so we teach the person how to treat us by saying something like “I love the way I dress” which creates a boundary for oneself. That communicates “this doesn’t feel right for me”.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:22am

  343. 343: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://christywhitman.com/magnetic-monday-law-of-allowing-part-2/?inf_contact_key=066f7e6b10852d775f275b35e3d2b11dc34d9f29cf7f9f0b7ba45230e3810d76

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:23am

  344. 344: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    FW – Im trying it out now…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:41am

  345. 345: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Although…the last time I did your heart opening meditation…I felt horrible after…and really sad
    so im proceeding with caution here…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:43am

  346. 346: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I dont have a plugin for the video but I found some stuff on youtube…seems good…reminds me of Rori’s tools..

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:52am

  347. 347: TamNo Gravatar says:

    330..FW, I love you. That is exactly what I am about to do…. :)
    ‘where the sun don’t shine’ – made me laugh so much. :)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:56am

  348. 348: TamNo Gravatar says:

    327 Heart, yes…of course he is lucky to be with me and he knows it…he is saying it the whole time.
    We both know he is lucky to be with me.
    So he ruins it by saying things that make me feel bad and texting with other women?
    His loss.. ;)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:58am

  349. 349: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 343 that was a different one.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:17am

  350. 350: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    This is a version of the feelingization I have been doing

    http://vimeo.com/26893003

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:19am

  351. 351: Memulo says:

    I hope so much my number won’t be recognized. But with my luck – to call, for him not to pick it up , no chance to leave a vm and never knowing if he saw it’s me or not – I should assume the worst;)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:25am

  352. 352: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, who cares. Forgive yourself and send love to you. He doesn’t matter, seeing your number doesn’t matter, just a little blip.
    Saddle up that horse and ride on:)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:28am

  353. 353: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – just call again in a few days *shrug

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:29am

  354. 354: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Heart what would be the value of her chasing him?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:34am

  355. 355: Memulo says:

    I was not obsessing over the phone call;) but till I have a strong opinion and hold to my own word I will get into these situations.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:36am

  356. 356: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman, I also say “where the sun don’t shine.” Haha. I’m from the southwest part of the states originally. It’s a very southern thing to say. Hehe. I love it!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:43am

  357. 357: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Ooh Kath, I would find this very hard :/ (((Kath)))

    And yet I know guys who are in contact with several of their exes, and it is platonic and no cause for concern.

    Yet, if it were me, I think I’d need to have an honest discussion about it and get it out into the open. Ladies here are very good with helping you script what to say if you decide to go that route.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:46am

  358. 358: Shar Lean Way BackNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly, From previous thread. I will let you know. Just this morning I took a situation that is feeling bad and decided to reframe it to how I want to feel and to it is working out for me, even if it doesn’t appear to be in the moment. :)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:47am

  359. 359: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – Everything you do is perfect…

    There are no mistakes on this blog ;)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:56am

  360. 360: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Here is me thinking how I am ok going out by myself and took the quickest and easiest option of going by train by myself to get to a dance. Was invited to share lift with two different sets of people would would have taken longer to get their and back and time wise would have felt more stressful.

    Fine going there.
    Coming back felt scary. Man came right up to me on the train kissed me going on about how beautiful I was asking me to meet him and go out with him. I felt calm on the inside but taken aback, The a group of men who were drinking were getting in passengers faces saying derogatory things to women felt really scary. One came right up to me in my face said@ what have we here then” Did my best to disconnect from him. Felt really awful and no staff around at station. Now feel unsure about late night train journeys on my own as feel sure if anyone had been attacked that nobody would have helped them. Truly awful, at one time i Know I and others would have challenged this behavior. Times have changed, I feel scared of groups of drunk men. Their behavior feels so unpredictable and coming from an unaware lack of consciousness. How horrible I don’t want to live in fear of doing late night train journeys alone, Feel peed off that I have no control over drunks behaving like this and it is not that easy to move away from people like that when on public transport. Feel quite shaken up about it.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:57am

  361. 361: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I believe paying attention to what we produce when we take actions. Such as how the energy is affected when we call men. Also how we feel after we call and don’t get the outcome we were looking for. This teaches us about how our emotions work.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:59am

  362. 362: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Where the sun don’t Shine – NEW Tool by FeminineWoman, Tam & Moving Magic

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:00am

  363. 363: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    EEk I would feel really uncomfortable flirting at a funeral.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:01am

  364. 364: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bad when I don’t get the outcome I hope for…I feel betrayed & panicked
    but
    I’m learning to flip these things and shift my thinking to new ways that make me feel good…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:03am

  365. 365: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    It’s strange…I think I used to equate Feeling Bad with Being Strong.
    Like I needed to “accept reality” and feel Pain…
    I don’t feel that way anymore
    I’m much kinder to myself now

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:07am

  366. 366: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    “Tam. I didn’t like what he was doing encouraging the married guys to hook up with the lady.”

    That feels bad to me.
    What is the point of being married if wanting to do that.
    I don’t get it.
    Although I do know married men who say” well you only have one life so go for it. ”
    Feels icky to me Yuck!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:08am

  367. 367: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – wow Sounds scary…I’m glad you’re ok..

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:12am

  368. 368: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Heart.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:17am

  369. 369: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel at a loss at how to protect myself in situations like that occured on Sat.

    I don’t go into a pub if a feel a bad vibe and volatile drunks about, bit different when I am already on a train though and someone comes into my space and have no real way of getting away from it. Felt a bit stuck, until it was time to get off train. Went and hid in the loo for a while until I thought they may have gone.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:22am

  370. 370: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t really knowingly want to put myself in intentionally harmful situations.
    Grrrrrr, but do want to get out there and live a little.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:24am

  371. 371: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Doesn’t always feel easy to know what the best option is.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:25am

  372. 372: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – just take the lift next time? It’s ok it takes alittle extra ttime…your peace of mind is worth it….

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:28am

  373. 373: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, I live in Brooklyn Ny & spend alot of times on trains. I also enjoy going dancing by myself, which can mean late nights on trains by myself. I stay super aware of my environment. I won’t drink if I know I’m going to be traveling by myself. I don’t listen to music while commuting & I stay alert. I will often take an alternative route if I get a bad vibe & will change subway cars. I don’t spend alot of time thinking about how to protect myself, or worrying about these kinds of situations. Street smarts are healthy smarts though. I’m sorry to hear about your scary experiences. I can relate to that vulnerability. ((hugs))

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:38am

  374. 374: KathNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Indigo (356)- Thanks, yes, it is hard- I so want us to be strong and good together but I do have a alarm bell ringing, even if I know there is nothing in it sexually for him anymore to keep in touch with these women, it concerns me that he feels nothing wrong in there being a friendship- it just feels wierd to me- almost as though he can’t bear to lose them. I really don’t know how to tackle this…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:42am

  375. 375: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    “You can’t dance around what you need to say to a man. You can’t pretend you don’t want what you want.

    Speaking the truth of what you feel and what you want is a totally different thing from “neediness” and “desperation.”

    In fact, the sheer bravery of speaking out loud what’s already in your thoughts and heart is testament to your courage and confidence and comfort within yourself.”

    I feel proud that I have done this.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:47am

  376. 376: Memulo says:

    But I wasn’t strong. I was strong for 5 months to not contact and yesterday I was weak and self-betraying. And erased all respect I may have gained over the past 5 months, including self-respect

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:50am

  377. 377: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Cambio, Welcome, and it seems to me you’re doing great and have things in quite a great perspective. From your letter, it doesn’t sound like he’s actually ASKED you to marry him yet, so how about you leave it for now, take it moment by moment, and just let it evolve – WHILE you tell the truth if asked at all times. And you share your concerns as you go along, truthfully, when you find yourself stuffing them down and withholding because of what you don’t want to say. Love, Rori

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:59am

  378. 378: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – Did you see my post to you from last night #270?

    xxoo

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:15am

  379. 379: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks heart !!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:23am

  380. 380: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    A new guy introduced himself to me over the weekend. I saw him twice, and he remembered our entire conversation from the first time we met.

    The first time we met, he pretended like he already knew me. He put his arm around me and was like, “hey! It’s so good to see you again!” Then, he said, “Just kidding.” and introduced himself.

    It put me at ease immediately. We have a mutual friend that I really respect, so I felt safe. It made me smile.

    The second time I saw him, he put his arm around me again and said “Now, I can say it for real! Good to see you again.” and it made me smile and feel blushy.

    Admittedly, I am not wildly attracted to him, but he is cute and I do feel completely safe with him. That’s incredibly rare for me to feel with a stranger.

    There were no angry/suspicious feelings.

    He asked me a lot of questions about myself and kept making funny comments. He’s kind of dorky, but it’s cute. and he’s one year younger than me, so that felt good too.

    It felt nice to have a real, single, nice guy introduce himself.

    Who knows? Maybe he’ll shock the life out of me, rock my world, ask me on a date and become a REAL CD.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:26am

  381. 381: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    “I mean I seriously almost just want to blurt out horrible things to you, I feel like slapping you, shaking you, yelling at you…”

    I feel surprised that this is “okay” to say to a man. It won’t scare him off? Make him think you’re “crazy?” Such a trigger word for me…

    I would love to say that exact sentence to Jack CD…

    how would a man react to that?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:32am

  382. 382: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – Instant wild attraction is not a good indicator of your potential “the one”. In fact it’s often quite the opposite.

    Safe on the other hand, now that’s sexy. Try to keep your mind and heart open here. You just don’t know until you try.

    Remember K was not at all my “type” when we started dating aside from his height. And I made the choice to give him a chance nonetheless. I feel very happy I did.

    xxoo

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:32am

  383. 383: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Dominique. I feel “quietly excited” about this new guy. I feel almost certain that he won’t “hurt” me.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:43am

  384. 384: Memulo says:

    Thank you Dominique, I saw your post. I still feel this way though.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:55am

  385. 385: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Okay Memulo, then I would ask you why would you want to hold onto this? This is only harming you, making you feel awful, keeping you in that spiral of gremlin voices.

    Is there a sense of comfort in this for you even though it feels bad? Sometimes we beat ourselves up in this way not because we think we deserve this somewhere deep inside (old programming) but because there is a feeling of aliveness in the drama.

    It can feel difficult raising out from this abyss of awfulness. Can you try telling yourself over and over, every other second if need be that you did NOTHING wrong or unusual? That you are perfect just the way you are even when you do or say silly things, even when you fret, feel anxious?

    Can you look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how stunningly beautiful you are even if you don’t really believe it in that moment? And keep saying this until it feels at least a tiny bit real. Can you give yourself a kiss on the lips in the glass? Can you tell yourself how much you love yourself?

    If you say no to any of these questions, how about trying it anyway, challenge yourself.

    xxoo

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:06am

  386. 386: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Kath 374

    Are you able to talk to him about this?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:07am

  387. 387: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – I like quietly excited. Quietly excited feels really good.

    xxoo

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:07am

  388. 388: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Tam

    “I am fed up of him delivering what feels like little put downs, the dressing thing and also another thing he keeps saying. He is implying that nobody (none of his male friends) saw what he sees…in the ‘plain Jane’. OMG. In reality, they all (3) tried to date me, even the one of the three who has a girlfriend.
    And he knows it.”

    Hey, it sounds exactly what PhotoCD was (and still is) doing to me. I friend-zoned him months ago, so he got a bit angry at the beginning, then later said he’s ok with being only friends. So we see eachother occasionally. But I´m thinking of stopping it as every time we meet he’s telling comments lthat feel like put-downs for me. Like that his friends told him about me – I’m not that beautiful – (to be a model for his photos as I was) and how he had to argue with them, because he (but seems only him) does think I am beautiful. And how all the other men I meet (also on dating sites) are only there and only want to see me for sex etc. And how he managed to seduce me (what? I only let him kiss me few times months back!)..and how he knows to use his charm when he wants… I just feel yucky with these comments.

    I feel this kind of subtle putting down (working on lowering my self esteem)..really even more dangerous than a direct angry attack like calling me bitch or something, which is easier to recognize & fight back.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:11am

  389. 389: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    I feel good about a relatively small thing today – when I said hello to D and how were things going, he said he was terribly busy, had been in meetings all day and then had to complete tax returns by the end of the day so he wasn’t able to talk. So I left it and went about my work, and 15 minutes later or so he sent me a message “are you ok?” and I said yes, I was good thanks, and he said good.

    I don’t know why this tiny act of concern meant so much to me, but it did. It made me feel soft and warm.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:11am

  390. 390: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Annie

    (((Annie)))

    Ah…that situation feels scary! Specially in closed environments where theres nowhere to escape. Good you are safe now!

    I’d want to maybe have a little pepper-gas with me if I go around there late at night.

    I do recall being in similar situation (and also made a lot of travle by hitch-hiking), …and also seen some drunken men get especially angry if they were ignored. So usually, if somebody in this kind of situation speaks to me, I feel it safer to answer to the words. I feel actually that looking to them and continuing serious & calm (as much as posisble) will reduce the danger for me more than disengaging. But it´s just me.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:16am

  391. 391: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Emerson

    Yay about your date!! :)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:18am

  392. 392: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 380 Iamabutterfly

    Aww… this feels so sweet to read. I like a lot when a guy has a funny yet ingenious way of getting acquainted to you and this feels that way.

    I also like Dominique’s response to you.

    Wait and see, I believe feeling safe with a man can be really sexy too. I feel a man gets more attractive to me dependidng on how vulnerable I can feel with him.

    Waiting to hear more about this guy in the future! :)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:26am

  393. 393: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Oh…my comment to Tam got into moderation…I suppose it’s because I used the B-word without thinking. :(

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:27am

  394. 394: TamNo Gravatar says:

    392 Ulii..awwww..it happened to me too :(

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:28am

  395. 395: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 389 Indigo

    This feels really warm from him. I’d feel cared for with such a little thing too.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:30am

  396. 396: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Heart
    “When the focus is on Me…I realize I’m standing naked in the middle of nowhere
    with starlight and my own heartbeat…
    and I feel scared and headachy
    and uncomfortable with all the clarity…”

    I feel similar often. But you expressed this really beautifully here… Like a poem.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:32am

  397. 397: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Tam (trying again without typing out the B -word) :)

    “I am fed up of him delivering what feels like little put downs, the dressing thing and also another thing he keeps saying. He is implying that nobody (none of his male friends) saw what he sees…in the ‘plain Jane’. OMG. In reality, they all (3) tried to date me, even the one of the three who has a girlfriend.
    And he knows it.”

    Hey, it sounds exactly what PhotoCD was (and still is) doing to me. I friend-zoned him months ago, so he got a bit angry at the beginning, then later said he’s ok with being only friends. So we see eachother occasionally. But I´m thinking of stopping it as every time we meet he’s telling comments lthat feel like put-downs for me. Like that his friends told him about me – I’m not that beautiful – (to be a model for his photos as I was) and how he had to argue with them, because he (but seems only him) does think I am beautiful. And how all the other men I meet (also on dating sites) are only there and only want to see me for sex etc. And how he managed to seduce me (what? I only let him kiss me few times months back!)..and how he knows to use his charm when he wants… I just feel yucky with these comments.

    I feel this kind of subtle putting down (working on lowering my self esteem)..really even more dangerous than a direct angry attack like calling me bxtch or something, which is easier to recognize & fight back.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:34am

  398. 398: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Ulii :)

    I think what was cool about it was that it was a bit of an “apology” in the sense that Dominique talks about guys’ apologies, where they do little things although not actually saying the words. He was in a bit of a mood when I got to his house last night, but then caught himself at some point and started to backtrack and then did *little* caring things like a lingering kiss or a compliment.

    I found myself thinking how silly men are ;)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:37am

  399. 399: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    It was actually a bit of a thunderous mood, and I think he felt very bad. He actually did apologise, and it was interesting to see the small caring gestures come out.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:41am

  400. 400: KathNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Indigo, (386)
    Thanks- yes- I have written down how I feel but will verbalise something when I see him again tomorrow. You talk about how men apologise without saying the words!- ha!- yes, I can relate to that!- He apologised for me feeling that he was not understanding me, but I had to tell him first that’s how I felt!- On the other side of the coin, he said he felt uncomfortable being in the same car with me and his female friend. When I asked him why, he couldn’t tell me!- I love him and I know he loves me but I guess I am highlightings things now that he didn’t forsee happening- he seems to forget that not everyone sees things the way he does and doesn’t understand why they should see things any differently!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:54am

  401. 401: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Until he makes an actual VERBAL commitment to you and says “We are a couple,” you are single.

    (And, as much as it hurts, so is he.)

    That means you should keep going out with other guys, should protect yourself both emotionally and physically (if he’s sleeping with you and you haven’t had the monogamy talk he may well be sleeping with other women as well. And that doesn’t necessarily make him a player or a douchebag. It just makes him single. Like you.)

    And you should refuse to drop other plans for him.

    This is from a Mike Fiore email

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 12:01pm

  402. 402: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii, wow, that PhotoCD does not sound good..I totally agree.
    Curly send me an email to apologize. I knew he would, but he seems to miss what really got my goat.

    But I will tell him how I feel about the subtle put downs and all that.
    We will see.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 12:06pm

  403. 403: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I am still wondering how CDing helps me to not get hung up on a man when I am ALREADY hung-up before I ever discovered CDing. I asked it up thread a ways but no one responded yet.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 12:31pm

  404. 404: Memulo says:

    Thank you Dominique. I’m also thinking – even if it registered that the call is from me, since I am not calling back or texting it could be a pocket call. or since I made just one call back then that he didn’t answer and called next on the day we spent together last year so much in love it will look at maximum romantic, not needy?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 12:34pm

  405. 405: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells: I used CDing when I was already hung up on J and it helped me get a lot more clear about what I wanted and what my boundaries needed to be. Plus, I was so upset over J and I ending that I just wanted to cry all the time. CDing gave me a reason to get all dressed up and laugh and smile with the company of someone else, enjoy a night out and, if even for a few hours, not think so much about J. I got to meet some really amazing people and just had good times with men I wasn’t all hung up on. It helped me take all of my energy off of him and put it toward me and toward whoever it was I was having dinner with at the time. I looked at it as meeting lots of new friends.

    It didn’t work to completely take my mind off of him (although I think it would have as time went on) but it did give me moments of reprieve from that and, as I said, it gave me good reason to focus on me and on all that I wanted (and didn’t want) in a man. When J and I later got back together, I must say, I knew a lot more about what I was going to need (boundaries) in order to be happy and I believe that dating all those other men helped teach me that.

    I was strictly CDing though. I wasn’t trying to find my soul mate. I was just dating to have fun and get my mind and heart into a better place.

    Hope that helps a little…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 12:52pm

  406. 406: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @402 Miss Bells – I don’t CD, simply because I must be doing something wrong or have blocks to love that is keeping me from getting asked out by men.

    I feel a little sad about it, but I also wonder how helpful the whole idea of CDing has been for me.

    My understanding is that the whole reason for CDing is free therapy. Learning how to relate to different kinds of men while they treat you to coffee, lunch, dinner.

    Rori says you can CD while still being in a relationship by keeping your heart open to men. (receiving and appreciating any and all attention they may give you, opening your heart to all men, and treating all men “in your rotation” equally. The hardest to do, if you ask me.)

    Since I don’t get asked out very often for whatever reason, I’ve found that “keeping my heart open to all men” has left me a little confused and frustrated.

    I find that “keeping your heart open to life” works a lot better for me. I think Rori recommends CDing with everything wonderful out there in the world, anyway.

    If you are truly “living in the moment,” it does help you to not obsess over any one guy.

    If a different man steps up and treats you better than “Guy A,” it really shifts your perspective and helps you feel better overall.

    Does that make sense?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:02pm

  407. 407: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    Also, Rori talks in some of her programs or posts about how if you are too stuck on a guy and are unable to be open to other men and CD that may mean going your own way and just CD others until he gives you the relationship that you want.

    You have choices…it all depends on your feelings…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:02pm

  408. 408: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Ulli!
    The comments from that man about you not being so beautiful for the photos feels awful. What a terrible thing to say to a woman and its probably that you are so beautiful it hurts him that he can’t have you :-)
    His loss and no excuse for that way of talking.
    I feel inspired to drop anyone like a hot potato who makes me feel badly or is not nice in a deliberate way. I have too many friends that are wonderful that I’d rather make time for.
    I’m catching up on missed sleep today as I only slept 3 hours Saturday night :-(

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:08pm

  409. 409: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi miss bells!
    I like what Mercedes had to say about CDing … Since I’ve started CDing I’ve reinvented my wardrobe and I feel inspired to be manicured and pedicured always (although I do that anyways)
    It feels good to dress up, buy new jeans (tight dark and sexy) and try new things with my hair for dates…why not?!?!
    I’m having fun and still feeling dreamy about exoticCD :-) ))

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:11pm

  410. 410: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    As far as being hung up on a guy…..As you all know I’ve been sooo hung up on recycledCD for sooo long … Feels good to know there are men on there who are sexy fun and want to spend time with me….

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:14pm

  411. 411: Memulo says:

    So instead of letting him remember it even a tiny bit a miss me I called:((((

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:23pm

  412. 412: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    409 I meant there are other men out there besides recycledCD who are interested and interesting :-)
    It’s a huge boost to make out with a new cutie mwuahaha! Yum yum!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:34pm

  413. 413: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    410 memulo have you tried any of the dating sites to meet other guys and take the focus off HIM

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:35pm

  414. 414: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so lucky and I feel inspired to find a new job since I’m not happy where I am

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:39pm

  415. 415: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    http://youqueen.com/love/how-to-tell-if-a-guy-likes-you-37-signs-he-likes-you-more-than-just-a-friend/

    SMC fit under like all 37 of these. I feel sad and embarrassed and I miss him. :(

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:40pm

  416. 416: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo honestly, your posts are beginning to feel like a Debbie Downer. Seriously! That guy is so not worth it. I don’t care who he was or what he has hanging off of him.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:46pm

  417. 417: Memulo says:

    Emerson what can I say, I am almost in a relationship with someone else.

    FW, funny;)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:52pm

  418. 418: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Love Note of the Week:

    Choose love that lifts you up, inspires you, and brings more joy into your life. Avoid choosing something because it is the opposite of the pain you’ve experienced in the past.

    “Many of us are choosing love based on avoiding the pain and heartbreak of the past. This will keep you stuck in that pain. Instead, choose love that is expansive, choose love that inspires you to grow everyday, choose love that brings you happiness and joy. You cannot create from a space of lack. Ask yourself today, ‘If I didn’t have those painful stories from my past, what would my ideal relationship look like?’ And create love from the space of possibility.”

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:54pm

  419. 419: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo what do you mean you are almost in a relationship with someone

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 1:55pm

  420. 420: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I’m on a Me Week….I am trying to stay off FB & not check my mail for a couple of days…
    I’m also letting my boy plan things for my girl…
    I really want to reconnect with myself..
    I miss Me so much!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:07pm

  421. 421: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I want to paint…I miss painting

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:08pm

  422. 422: Memulo says:

    I mean I’m going out with a guy for 3 months and he cares about me and treats me with respect and talks about the future.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:24pm

  423. 423: Memulo says:

    Yes FW, finding a new love is the best cure.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:25pm

  424. 424: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Looking at painting supplies….Remember paint yourself in love tool ….awwr…Feeling peppy.
    Also I’m trying to slow down my typing….wow this anxious-get-it-done-busy energy fuels so many things…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:31pm

  425. 425: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    421 memulo can you see yourself with this guy in the future?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:39pm

  426. 426: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    This Full Moon I am alone in my turret. It was an unholy mess. I moved in months ago but hadn’t had the time or the storage to unpack into. Now I have the large book case HS made me, and I have unpacked more than half of my boxes. On this full moon I am going to just keep putting thing away…
    I don’t feel good in this clutter.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:42pm

  427. 427: Memulo says:

    I don’t know Emerson. Something is missing. Sure the fact that I still have feelings for the other guy doesn’t help. On the other hand, I’ve been trying to meet someone else and so far it didn’t work out.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:46pm

  428. 428: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so upset and powerless and I know that is life and I must accept it. I just feel so ANGRY… how can one person ruin your life?

    Life isn’t fair I guess…

    I feel sad . I fee why me??

    What is this about?? What is the lesson in here for me?? I feel sccaaarrreddd….

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:47pm

  429. 429: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel victimised…

    I feel bullied and picked on and made the scapegoat..

    I feel sad… I feel burdoned…

    I don’t feel comfortable or supported…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:50pm

  430. 430: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    The woman acquaintance (part of our crowd) who sat down next to me at a very large soiree last Friday and told me I should dump HS– He is “the lowest of the low” she said–still bothers me.
    We sat in the car for a bit before I drove home and I asked him–”why do you and C.A. hate each other so much. He admitted that he came on to her about a year and a half ago, while with me–and she rejected him. He says he emailed her about band photography and that is how they came into contact. He told me this when he was pretty buzzed, and I know if I bring it up when he is sober it will not be a pretty conversation.
    And–something smells like fish here. If that is all it is, she would not dislike him as violently as she does. I can’t help think that it is more than that.
    All in all it turns me off. One more brick in the wall.
    After the party we had sloppy sex. and in the morning I went home, even though I could tell he didn’t expect me to leave.
    I had a coffee date with Convertible CD. I could have scheduled it some other time, but I am not that into just hanging out with HS right now.
    He is still trying to get me to do PR for free.
    I will say to him:
    Honey–if you want me to be a wife, marry me. Otherwise we are just dating and you can HIRE me if you want to be my client.
    You know–if I am not receiving the security, stability, and comfort of marriage than I must receive the romance, excitement, and fun of dating.
    And if I am not getting you all to my self–you are just a date and my options are open.
    Something like that.
    He was doing really well taking me out and paying but now he wants me to pick up half when we travel.
    I am looking for a way to change that.
    Either a speech, or just how I accept invitations from him.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:55pm

  431. 431: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Exploring travel arrangements….Wow this is actually happening…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:56pm

  432. 432: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Awwwww….((((Rebecca)))))….”how can one person ruin your life?” – The answer is: They Can’t!

    I know it can feel that way at times, but your life is still yours and it is not ruined and although you might be in a less than ideal situation right now, that person has zero control over your actions and reactions, your attitude, your time off, your memories or dreams or hopes or future. It could very well feel like another person has the power to ruin your life, but…give it time…you will remember soon that YOU have power over your life and how well (or not) it’s going to go for you.

    In the meantime….I am very sorry about everything that is happening and I send positive vibes for a door to open toward a life changing improvement…and that you have whatever courage it takes to walk through that door.

    Much Love and hugs,
    Mercedes

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 2:57pm

  433. 433: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel Kinda relieved to be leaving here…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 3:02pm

  434. 434: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG – I seem to be working with an absolute MAD woman.

    Last week I got a complete dressing down for not doing this, this and that… Etc… Okay, so I started to do all the things she was complaining about – now she has accused me of not handling the situation “sensitively” !!! Eeekkkk!!!! I actually feel like I am going mad…. Grrrrrr…… I am so angry because I could really like job the if it wasn’t for her !!!!!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 3:05pm

  435. 435: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – thank you ! – i feel warm and comforted reading your words. It is so nice having some support.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 3:08pm

  436. 436: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    429 miss bells I feel that you deserve better. Dealing with HS seems to feels tiresome and like pulling teeth … He is a pig for hitting on that woman while with you. Maybe it went no further than that but still is crappy. I don’t like him. I know none if my business and I’m being judgmental but he sounds like a selfish me generation opportunist. Yuck

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 3:46pm

  437. 437: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Miss bells do you truly believe you deserve better?
    I had to ask myself that question when I was putting up with recycledCDs crap.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 3:48pm

  438. 438: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    He varies. When he is good he is very very good. But he definitely tries to treat me like a wife without marrying me and without being a husband. And I deserve to be treated better than that.
    My action will be no-action.
    I have plenty to do of my own stuff!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:19pm

  439. 439: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    And–I like the woman in question here. I really want to ask her what he did to give her such a low opinion.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 4:25pm

  440. 440: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    OMG Miss Bells. Why bother?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:08pm

  441. 441: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Rori Raye
    “…The goal here is for you to learn to WANT a man who WANTS you! And, along the way, you’ll simply need to find out what’s what…”

    This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. :D

    I add a preamble for myself, and that is to first be aware of myself and learn what I want and what makes me happy, this first part is always evolving but upon a foundation that I know is ME.

    SLV
    xoxo

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 5:24pm

  442. 442: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, you feel so sassy tonight….hehe..I am loving it :)
    Straight talk!!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:01pm

  443. 443: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    # 440
    I feel curious–also, it’s a small county and she is one of my crowd. We will be running into each other often as long as I am here, and it’s been 35 years.

    When you get older finding ONE man to date gets harder, much less three or ten. I started a face to face meetup group for over fifty singles. It is a HUGE hit and I am the leader. BUT it is 65% female in membership, maybe more.

    I am attractive and look young for my age. But the poor men just DIE sooner.

    Also– I am very picky about certain things so the ones that go gaga over me I don’t necessarily like back—and a lot pf the remaining boomer guys are really just looking for some a$$ and that is not my thing at least not for a good long while. So I friend zone them and then it isn’t a date anymore.

    I am more sure of my slippery HS than some might think.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:02pm

  444. 444: GlowStixNo Gravatar says:

    Staying at my parents place for 2 weeks and feeling lonely. Feeling so still and quiet and looooong exhale. Dense silence pressing around me. I feel unsure of what to do for
    the next 2 hours. Mmmm I feel grateful for cold cold water that feels refreshing and tastes light and sweet. I feel grateful for a kiss from mary-jane. Crunchy pop-corn. Munch munch munch. salty sweet. mmmm eat slow and it will last! yep!
    Man booked my time tomorrow night in advance (yesterday) and also for fri/sat. He called after work today to confirm for tomorrow. Just right at this precise moment he just texted “hi” *giggles* I love it when that happens…When he pops in right when i’m thinking about him :-) (((him))) d’you know I had a moment recently where I realized the man i’m with is just about the best person in the world to talk to, and that felt sweet like candy to my soul!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:14pm

  445. 445: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel good today and I feel free !

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:17pm

  446. 446: GlowStixNo Gravatar says:

    Texting back and forth and just feeling so heart open and honest and wonderful. It feels so new and sparkly to just be this way and speak this way without feeling like practice and not quite sure and is that authentic???

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:29pm

  447. 447: GlowStixNo Gravatar says:

    No questions, no second guessing myself. I like that.

    and so many tears.

    omg is that a full moon? No wonder the air feels so charged and i’m crying waterfalls of tears because I realized the man is my best friend…

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:48pm

  448. 448: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I made an executive decision that he has no idea I called. And also I was thinking – this guy disappeared on me when I was in trouble and he could help. Not financially, he could help in other ways. Or he could ask how I am coping with whatever was going on. I am not a damsel in distress type and he knew it. When he got into a much, much bigger trouble I cried with him and held his hand. It’s fine if he stopped having feelings for me, but disappearing like this is not cool. So maybe it’s time to send him to his brighter future and live my life. I am not completely over this and his voice still makes an impression but I’d rather be recovering on my own..

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 6:49pm

  449. 449: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi All!

    I have been on vacation for a few days, the last three out of town with FavoriteCD. It was my birthday last Thursday. I truly have had some great days off work and out of town. I felt special and loved by both of my daughters and FavoriteCD.

    My time out of town with FavoriteCD was wonderful. There were a couple of times that things that felt off with him. He seemed upset and withdrew into himself. At those times instead of me trying to figure out if I might have done wrong or taking responsiblity for his happiness like I have done in the past, I purposely leaned back and remained the same toward him. He re-engaged after a few hours. I am still learning who he is and discovering some repetitive behavior patterns. In my time of leaning back I was feeling thru what I was feeling and what got triggered in me. I feel I need to speak up the next time this behavor surfaces.. Do what this post says and… “be brave and speak out”… I dont want to enable a negative pattern between us. I want to be authentic then too! And I wasnt. After reading this post I know that I need to grow in this area and be couragous.

    FavoriteCD told me he loved me while we were away this week end!!! It felt so good to hear him confess his feelings to me. It triggered some fear in me too. I do feel love for him too.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:00pm

  450. 450: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Happy belate birthday Linda! ;)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:05pm

  451. 451: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    THanks Memelo!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:07pm

  452. 452: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I had a date last night, first date and the guy was nice and smart but I didn’t like him. he gave me very little personal space, kept on touching me and breathing into my face. I lost my patience with him.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:08pm

  453. 453: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    FavoriteCD talks about so many things in the future with me. It feels exciting and scarey at the same time. I want what he talks about and at the same time I feel a little bit afraid. I dont know why

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:15pm

  454. 454: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #452 Men who POUNCE physically before I know them well enough to want it TURN ME OFF!

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:33pm

  455. 455: k2012No Gravatar says:

    332: FW: “I wonder if you have an unconscious block to where you could possibly meet people……….. I am not sure. Sometimes u looking out but u meet no one. I actually didn’t get to attend the funeral unfortunately but met with relatives yesterday. Sometimes u see men at the supermarket and when u look at their married finger, u see a married ring. Of course from I see that, I just ignore them. Once u are married, u are not out.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 7:58pm

  456. 456: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    My cd’ing has been going well. I feel so leaned back, honest, & confident these days. I find myself expressing my feelings, needs, & boundaries so fearlessly. My AriesCd told me that I’m intimidating…only he said it with a smile. ;) I noticed my body instinctively leaned back in response to that observation. He told me it’s a good thing. He said that I seem so passionate & focused in my life…& I noticed his body moving in toward me like he wanted to fill the space between us.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:10pm

  457. 457: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Oh correction, once u are married, u are out.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 8:26pm

  458. 458: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Kath 400

    Well done you. Getting things like this out in the open and opening the lines of communication and getting clear on what we want and don’t want is so important in situations like this, and so healthy I think.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:27pm

  459. 459: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly 406

    I have been reading your posts and I am sure you’re perfectly adorable…

    Are you internet dating? Smiling and talking sweetly with everyone you meet with no expectations at all? I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before you get several invitations :)

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:32pm

  460. 460: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    I keep coming back to what CurvySiren said in #22, which describes my situation so completely.

    D is someone who battles with moods, and it probably should bother me a lot more than it does. But I love him in spite of, and sometimes even because of, his flaws. He makes me content in that deep down way, with his consistency and his integrity, with the moments of sweetness strung together by that deep understanding and bond.

    It’s something I would battle to explain to people on a more surface level, and yet I have like CurvySiren says, that intuitive gut feel to stay with it.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 9:43pm

  461. 461: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens I notice my pattern is to believe “it’s too good to be true” …..
    I want to flip that hmmmm interesting….
    I also have been procrastinating getting back to jayzCD but I think I will call him tomorrow. Today I was still on a cloud from my make out session with exoticCD last night….
    He did not call me today I feel kinda sad but at the same time it’s ok I don’t care that much … I have a fear that he will poof…if he does, he does. So be it. Letting go of outcomes.

    I did notice that exoticCD talks about other women from his past sometimes in reference to stories or sharing his history with me… Fine, but at one point I told him I feel uncomfortable hearing about the other women I just want a clear slate and he listened and stopped doing it…
    Maybe he’s just akward lol

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:33pm

  462. 462: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a lot of chemistry with exoticCD and we want the same things and we have a lot in common…but I’m keeping it allll in perspective ….

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:42pm

  463. 463: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Emerson. Have you and ExoticCD discussed what you are looking for? It felt a bit off to me when I read what you said to him about other women. Maybe it is because it is so early in the game. I believe at this stage it is just dating? So I am wondering if it is natural for him to be dating others? Is it that you are already becoming attached because of the physicality so you can’t deal with the thought of him being with other women?

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:44pm

  464. 464: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 462. Ok

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:46pm

  465. 465: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson remember to read Rori’s email and Dominique’s article about Chemistry vs Intimacy.

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 10:54pm

  466. 466: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks few I hear what you’re saying
    Yes we are looking for the same thing we’ve talked about it…relationship eventual possible marriage and maybe kids but not necessarily with each other lol….
    Also I don’t mind I he’s daring others we discussed that too..but I didn’t want to hear story after story about women he dared in the past and I’m wanting to practice being authentic… Also my post on here was it my exact words necessarily and it was not a blip or a big deal on the conversation…
    Do you have the link for intimacy vs chemistry
    Thanks fw :-) )

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:19pm

  467. 467: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    *dated in the past not dared in the past

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:20pm

  468. 468: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Oh lord typing in my phone is horrendous

    Monday, 25 February 2013 @ 11:21pm

  469. 469: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Moving Magic and Ulii.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:43am

  470. 470: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    “He admitted that he came on to her about a year and a half ago, while with me–”

    What do you mean by with me? Were you in a sexually exclusive relationship? So he was hitting on another woman trying to get her into bed?
    What agreement do you have now? Have you both had the talk about sexual exclusivity? Are you back with him in this way? or are you holding out on that until you get offered what you want?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:51am

  471. 471: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    The above for Miss Bells

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:52am

  472. 472: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I’m bored
    I want a guy to think about…
    :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:55am

  473. 473: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Today expressing felt better than stuffing down. I felt surprised to hear myself saying ‘I love to be helped with my coat’ and smiling and watching the outcome. And it felt like numbness in my cheeks and stiffen shoulders and noticing them go up, and tension in the pelvic and it also felt like a guilt for ‘bothering’ a man. And it also felt like excitement and beig ‘naughty’ appreciating the things I was taught to ‘whatever’. I felt surprised to hear myself saying ‘I don’t want my sleep to be interruped until.. ‘ instead of tolerating it and feeling like a victim and grumpy afterwards. And also asking to payse a program playing until I finish cooking and feel abdolutely comfortable to listen to it. Instead of letting it play and missing out much of it.. mmm and I felt totally amazed to hear myself saying ‘wow I feel defensive to hear that. I feel like defending that person.. It feels sad to.. ‘ sigh. It felt so exciting and also shoulders humping and numb and pelvic a little tilted and teeth pressed together. But I did it!

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 3:20am

  474. 474: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Heart that is profound.

    We thinking feminine beings really love having a focus for all those thoughts and even more for all our loving feelings.

    It does feel boring when we dont have someone to focus on and i think that boredom is often what leads us to prematurely hooking onto a half decent guy who comes our way :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 3:31am

  475. 475: TamNo Gravatar says:

    So Curly did apologize to me, and I do understand the events leading up to it, and that now his father is not well and might actually die and he has to go and look after him.
    I felt a little bad about sending him an email to tell him how I felt about the incident and also about some stuff he says to me that feels like subtle put-downs.
    First I didn’t want to and just let it go and deal with it another time..but then he seemed to assume that with his apology ‘all is fine now’ and it certainly isn’t as far as I am concerned.
    So I re-worded my email a little differently, because it was a little blamey and quite a rant….however, I need to be true to myself and there is no way he can go on assuming all is fine.
    So now he knows that all is not fine.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 4:43am

  476. 476: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning sirens

    letting go of control with a man is like being a butterfly in the air on a windy day. I can only chart my own course and deal with the reality flowing around me. And I feel like a butterfly! I flutter here and there, and if he is calm and inviting I’ll be with him, but if he starts thrashing about I fly away. I feel like I’m riding the winds, making my way through the day. Sometimes he catches me, sometimes I softly land on him and other times I fly away from him. Yes, I’m learning this man is no angel. I’m not judging but I see he can dish out some stuff. I wasn’t triggered!!! I just leaned back, followed the four rules and kept a safe space for me and ultimately for him too. It wasn’t hard because I was in my feelings the whole time. He wanted drama, in a passive aggressive way and I wasn’t sitting by helpless or aggressively controlling like pre-siren me! I leaned back, stepped back and then stood solid. I then responded to the situation from my feelings and honestly, not ashamed of my position or apolizinging . . . Yes, in diva mode! He sat there looking at me for a while and then reached over, pulled me into arms to cuddle. What a break through and healing for me!!! Strong on the inside, soft on the outside

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 4:57am

  477. 477: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Indigo, wow- I feel flattered by what you said. I was actually JUST thinking about you (and myself) when I read this passage on Facebook earlier this morning: “my greatest discoveries have been made via my heart. I like to think I am a rational person, and I think most things through thoroughly. The greatest lessons in my life and the greatest discoveries have not been made by my thought process though, until much later. The experience taught me, came first, the discovery happened, and then I processed the information to make sense of it and store it in my memory. Love, connection, faithfulness, and trust are some of the discoveries I have made through my heart. My mind meets many people, but my heart has the final say. My mind can be fooled; my heart is spot on in most cases. My heart is also the part of me that says “YES” when my mind may say, “NO, that doesn’t make any sense.” My greatest happiness in life hasn’t happened due to my intellect or ability to think rationally. Keeping my heart open to trust and say yes has made all the difference.”

    That really encompasses my point about letting my intuition (and heart) lead the way when I was struggling through the breakup and ever-so-slow reconnection process with my man. It was tough. It was messy. It ultimately was pretty painful, but it was SO worth it and I learned so much about myself from this.

    Thinking of you and sending lots of warm hugs ….

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 4:59am

  478. 478: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    CudG wrote me..asking about me & life and so on…I feel surprised but I sensed he would write me today…
    He isn’t asking me out
    I feel happy to hear from him…I don’t feel disappointed anymore…It like my Disappointment fountain has run itself dry.
    He isn’t moving forward but he isn’t letting me go.
    It’s ok CudG….that’s for helping me to Desire More…thanks for helping me climb another step away from my fear of intimacy and towards the Relationship I want.
    Thank you for helping me to learn more about what I want…
    Thanks for the message.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:01am

  479. 479: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Sirenity….that feels good to read :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:05am

  480. 480: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    And I’m healing in other areas too. Learning not to blame others for my reality. I get frozen when I blame someone else for my problems. Even if they did play a part, I must find my own contribution, embrace it and unstick myself so I can move forward. I love my ugly parts

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:10am

  481. 481: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I miss posting on the blog everyday. I need to journal long hand, but I miss the energy of the blog. I will try to work this out so I can do both. Rori’s programs are truly like therapy, and the blog is a gathering place, a safe space. I feel guilty that I don’t have time to read every post and that I just write and go, but this blog is where so much of my healing blossomed. I’ll work this out.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:18am

  482. 482: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Why does he keep asking me how I’m doing?
    Also I didnt tell him I’m leaving..I just said Im dealing with a stressful situation.
    And now he wants to help me with it…Awwr he’s starting to remind me of the old CuddleyGrinch….the one that cared for me.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:24am

  483. 483: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, do you want to open up to him…kind of an intimacy building exercise?
    See what he says?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:29am

  484. 484: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @459 Indigo – aw, you are so sweet! That made me feel really good. :) :) :)

    I feel like I interact really well with others. (Feels like an ad for a dog, LOL)

    I’ve been told that I’m “intimidating” and that since I’m so friendly with everyone, it’s “hard to tell who I’m really interested in.” (coming from a married guy friend of mine a few years ago.)

    I can attract guys who go for me anyway, though they are a little harder to find, but to me, it’s worth it.

    as for online dating, it doesn’t feel good for now, simply because I feel like I go online looking for love when I’m feeling lonely and desperate, and so that is the kind of men I attract.

    I might try it later, who knows. but for now, I feel good meeting people in real life as I’m happy living my life. Men are just a cherry on top of the fabulous cupcake of my life anyway!

    (Harder for me to say when I’m on PMS and posting on here! I swear it’s like a negative voice party and I, as the host, have to kick ‘em all out of the party! With the help of you ladies, too!)

    I feel happy and content, right now. If I can foster those good feelings any time of the month, I’ll be doing great! :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:45am

  485. 485: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thankful to the Universe for the beautiful sunset. I felt dissoled in it. I felt like air myself and like it’s true that I have all the time in the world.
    I feel thankful to the nature for the rain I got under together with my dog and MH. It felt so fun to run back home. I felt so good when he gave me his hat and I felt joyful to breath in fresh air and feel tiny rain drops on my face. And warmth of our home felt even more intense and so relaxing to be in.
    I feel thankful to MH for so many chances to practice appreciation. I feel awkward, shriking my nose and even frowning my brows and it all feels hillarious and I feel about myself even better.
    I feel thankful for a couple of new projects apart of my job. I look forward to new experience and want to expand.
    I feel thankful to myself for remembering to do the Waterwheel tool when I felt defensive. I felt more open and believed that I can be kind to both of us.
    I feel thankful to myself for choosing expressing over stuffing down. I feel trust towards myself and I feel more confident.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:06am

  486. 486: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I feel confused & unsafe. I know FW says he’s acting like someone who wants a Casual relationship but I don’t even know about that…I mean he told me he wanted to help me & essentially if I need a shoulder to cry on he’s there for me…

    But it’s like we’re no longer seeing each other because HE isnt interested in seeing me yet
    And that’s awkward.

    I have never learned forward & called him…yet he’s suggesting I call him to talk about my .problems rather than him calling me.

    Maybe he wants to maintain the friendship or something…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:23am

  487. 487: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    He is Acting WEIRD.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:25am

  488. 488: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, yeah, maybe. Well, difficult to get into his head you know?
    Carry on regardless and see what he does, I guess.
    Easier said than done.
    Is he maybe a feminine energy man?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:26am

  489. 489: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – http://sexandheart.com/chemistry-vs-intimacy

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:32am

  490. 490: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – no he’s masuline…a little feminine energy in the way Curly is perhaps…can talk open up etc…but still a masculine guy I would say…

    I mean we both get that he doesn’t want to date me anymore and the majority of our emails have been about seeing each other and when to meet etc…
    So this feels Strange…
    It’s hard to stay out of his head hehe.
    Oh well

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:35am

  491. 491: TamNo Gravatar says:

    he doesn’t want to date you? but your emails were about meeting up?
    I am confused now.
    Hm.
    Perhaps he just doesn’t know what he wants..

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:37am

  492. 492: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    He never actually said “I’ll be your shoulder to cry on”…

    He just said to call him if I needed help of someone to talk too..

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:40am

  493. 493: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ah ok. Hm.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:42am

  494. 494: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – no our previous emails…
    he hasnt asked me out since then

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:43am

  495. 495: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    He’s just emailing me – how are u doing ….type of messages…
    and over the weekend he sent me cute cat pics….

    Now thats sweet but it’s WEIRD too.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:45am

  496. 496: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I get it Heart, yep, best to let that one go I guess.
    Who knows what he is thinking…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:45am

  497. 497: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    He’s acting Out of Character….

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:46am

  498. 498: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I have to relocate…so yes i have to let go but it’s my CuddleyGrinch…it’s not so easy sometimes…And although he withdrew, He was an awesome guy in many ways. He did treat me well when we were out…& put a lot of thought into what we would do and where we would go…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:49am

  499. 499: TamNo Gravatar says:

    so you have nothing to lose in treating him like a CD maybe and practice with him, and you could tell him about the relocation?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:51am

  500. 500: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Heart most guys I know think of themselves as good guys. As such, of course he would be there for you if you need help or a shoulder to cry on. It seems you have triggered his knight in shining armor masculine protector instinct. Yet, that does not translate into him saying he wants a relationship and him driving one forward. Which is the reason it is good to live in the moment and not look for clues about relationship in the words the guys are telling us. Remember they are simple? He wants to be there for you. He wants to give you a shoulder to cry on. He wants to hear your problems. He feels good doing these things for you. Did he say he wanted a relationship?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:02am

  501. 501: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    lol FW…ok I get it.

    My interest in him is dwindling ….I’m starting to feel kinda turned off by him actually.
    I guess I am learning to want men who want me.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:07am

  502. 502: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – sometimes I wonder if I lie to myself when I say “I feel turned off by a guy” especially one who I loved and don’t see on dates anymore. When I look at a picture on Facebook I still feel butterflies and heart pounding. When I get those texts sometimes my heart skip a beat and I feel excited and flattered. When I think about some moments spent together I feel strong waves flow through my body and my facial muscles smiling. I can’t help but wonder if it is not me who is turning myself on and off. I know I feel bored with the inaction and sometimes angry because of the loss of connection but thinking about different guys or looking at pictures I can still feel turned on. As a matter of fact at times I feel turned on in the presence of guys that I have no history with. There is just something about that that triggers that internal humpf. Lipsmacking. Heat in my groin kinda thing. I better stop :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:13am

  503. 503: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Body Language from Rori:-

    So here’s the tip: When you’re feeling s stressed, anxious, tense, do something that feels COUNTERINTUITIVE.

    Relax your lips, and part them slightly. You’ll notice an immediate simultaneous shift in your “energy” from tense to calm.

    But more importantly, this remarkable technique can also make you APPEAR more relaxed and self-confident, even when you’re in a very tense situation. Like on a date, or having an emotional conversation with your boyfriend.

    Looking more self-confident and relaxed opens you up and sends the signal that you’re OPEN and vulnerable – which is actually an irresistible visual “signal” to a man.

    Isn’t that something?

    Any woman can learn how to become more attractive and magnetic simply by tapping into her natural inner beauty and feminine energy.

    Men are DRAWN and MAGNETIZED to a woman when she’s relaxed, vulnerable, soft on the outside but STRONG on the inside.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:35am

  504. 504: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    FW….hmm let me feel that out…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:58am

  505. 505: sha-shaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies!! I’m feeling pretty good today. We went forward with eye laser surgery and its been 3days …..he goes to doctor today to make sure they lasered all the cyst off his eye….. I got fingers crossed…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 8:16am

  506. 506: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve felt it out and I realize I feel really Angry…
    anger just festering….
    I can’t wait to get over this guy…
    He is Yucky!

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 8:26am

  507. 507: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Haha. Heart. You sound cute. I want to hug you. Or share a cocktail with you. I think we’d have a laugh.

    I feel like that about MrP. But he also makes me smile. He is supposedly in Europe skiing, but I see him online in ‘our’ chat programme often right now.
    Almost as per usual, he is there but not quite there.
    Makes me smile.
    But I also feel yucky, like ‘go away, I want to be over you already’
    I am proud of myself and have taken all our common friends from my newsfeed in fb so I can’t see any pics they post.

    I feel relieved about that.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 8:36am

  508. 508: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “There is a very valid explanation for why some men lie; their girlfriends can’t handle the truth.”

    EMK

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 8:51am

  509. 509: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    508 Ick! I don’t like that statement from EMK….

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 8:56am

  510. 510: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, I feel like analyzing his messages takes alot of mental energy (though I totally get it & have been there). I feel like the real question is, can you be okay with things the way they are with the messages, & no physical energy coming your way at this time?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 9:02am

  511. 511: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, I feel like analyzing his messages takes alot of mental energy (though I totally get it & have been there). I feel like the real question is, can you be okay with things the way they are with messages, & no physical energy coming your way at this time?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 9:03am

  512. 512: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …more like ‘the men don’t want to handle a gf that knows the truth, especially if it isn’t a very palatable truth’.
    Men often go the way of least resistance.
    Translates as: ‘fibbing for an easy life’.
    I have had quite a few guys tell me this, and I have witnessed it myself too.
    Nothing wrong with that. Nothing really right with it either though.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 9:04am

  513. 513: Memulo says:

    I scheduled a date tonight. I figured -even if I am not ready to fall on love, I can go out and talk to people, and enjoy;)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 9:52am

  514. 514: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Yes CurvySiren 509

    There are many statements EMK makes in supposed defence of good men, which don’t sit too well with me.

    For all D’s faults he never lies, he always tells the absolute truth, even if it hurts me (and it sometimes does), which is probably why I trust him despite my insecurities.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:06am

  515. 515: Memulo says:

    One thing if guys want time with friends or for themselves and gfriends feel bad about it. Another example is EMK’s wife previous relationships where they lied and cheated.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:09am

  516. 516: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    CurvySiren 477

    I believe this now, more than ever. Thank you for posting this.

    Especially in the last few days, I have felt that the greatest truth is in my heart, and it is the easiest to trust. That little voice inside which whispers my truth, even if it makes no sense, and later on I’m so glad I listened because it is the most beautiful, illogical, most alive thing that could have happened.

    Sometimes it is much later on, and I believe the road there is always difficult and a little painful. But the rewards are great and special, designed only for you.

    X

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:13am

  517. 517: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – awwwr :) why can’t we just get over these ppl?
    Total waste of time….
    At least Mr.P didn’t go weird on you.

    This may sound silly but I think CudG might ve trying some kinda PUA technique on me or something….Something is just Off about him.

    Yes Moving-magic I spend too much energy on nothing…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:17am

  518. 518: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Healing from heartbreak means taking responsibility for how you’re feeling even after a breakup. The cure for your pain lies within you. It’s an inside job and, once tackled, heartbreak will never be as painful again.

    http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com/healing-from-heartbreak/

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:27am

  519. 519: ReneeJNo Gravatar says:

    I have read women shouldn’t act motherly towards men, but I’ve noticed a friend of mione who is very nurturing who has many men friends. Is it ok to act nurturing?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:41am

  520. 520: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Heart
    What is a pua technique?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:44am

  521. 521: TamNo Gravatar says:

    517 haha Heart, no he didn’t go’weird’ on me, he has always been pretty consistently himself.
    Which includes a lot of weirdness, such as not wanting to label our relationship a ‘relationship’, yet always telling me (the first sentence when we met again, after a ‘hello’), that he has been with nobody else. he even once blurted it out, at a very snazzy hotel reception, with all our friends around us:
    ‘Oh hello, and by the way, I haven’t had sex with any other woman’. I didn’t know what to say. I expected a ‘long time no see, how have you been?’ Haha.
    He is just odd but he isn’t changing.
    He isn’t stepping up.
    I do still find him adorable though, what can I say.
    As long as I have another guy on the go it’s all good.
    And as long as he stays at a distance.
    ;)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:54am

  522. 522: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Dominique

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:54am

  523. 523: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    When you find yourself thinking obsessively about what you want to say to another person, be aware that your wounded self is in charge wanting to control. Instead of focusing on what to say to them, focus instead on what feelings you are avoiding by ruminating, and bring kindness and compassion to the feelings. If you need to speak up for yourself with someone, ask your Guidance what to say rather than allowing your wounded self to ruminate.

    Innerbonding

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:07am

  524. 524: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hello ReneeJ!
    From my understanding being mothering will trigger a non romantic feeling in a man… As you said your friend has many men as FRIENDS … Different from wanting to build attraction and romance and intimacy as far as I understand it when we want more than friends, don’t act like Mommy…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:09am

  525. 525: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Omg tam
    Curly is funny

    I am curious to see what happens

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:11am

  526. 526: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh dear. Curly is a mess because his father is dying. He called me and I could hardly understand him…ugh. But even in all that, he is still telling me about his female friends and them getting him airline tickets and everything, being air hostesses (this is the ex he is still hung up on).
    Jeez, if it wasn’t so sad I’d have laughed a lot just now. I had just stated that it feels bad he always has these women hanging off him.
    Now I must let that one go as he is really not handling this situation well, or least not as well as I would expect from a 61 year old.
    He turned into a gibbering wreck.
    Bless him.
    I feel like mothering him but frankly, no.
    I offered my support looking for air tickets but he already has one of his other women taking care of that.
    Oh well…
    :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:18am

  527. 527: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh that sounds bad. I do actually feel compassion as well. Honest…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:19am

  528. 528: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    Need all of your advice….

    Ok – so some of you may remember he is dealing with being served child custody papers about 2 weeks ago. Since that time we have not spent any time together really, just talked in person …

    He obviously has a lot on his plate. He is in his “waffle square” of dealing with all of this – and its a lot to deal with. He is still talking with me, but a lot of our intimacy and emotional connection seems to be gone….but that’s understandable.

    Here is the question. A few weeks ago, I told him that our anniversary is coming up and I would like to do something special. He was very sweet and asked what I would like to do – I said, anything – just dinner, whatever. It didn’t matter.

    Well, our anniversary is coming up next week. I am almost 100% positive he has forgotten about it.

    …and frankly, I feel like its not really a celebratory time.

    So I’m conflicted.

    Do I just forget about it – knowing he will forget about it too….and just let this all pass….

    OR…..

    Do I say to him, hey listen our anniversary is next week and I know you said we could do something, but you have a lot on your plate right now, so maybe after this is all over, we can start dating normally, and then celebrate a new anniversary.

    What do you guys think?

    Opinions NEEDED !!!! :)

    Elsie

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:21am

  529. 529: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling my feelings of deciding between wanting a lover and father for me and my children

    and

    opening my heart to a love that is beyond death

    crying

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:43am

  530. 530: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel scared ohau moved crying blubberr whoa when i look to ‘see’ that love

    where ill follow ill follow u deep sea babi ill follow u

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:45am

  531. 531: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im getting it

    !

    as i practice on the stuff from guys that triggers me most,

    it turns out its the stuff that ends it/triggers me in the relationships with the men I LIKE MOST!

    and im getting more aware and able to let THose men closer,

    AND trust that i will have a man i LIKE, not wind up with men i don’t like just because i am practicing accepting and healing what triggered me

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 12:30pm

  532. 532: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    all elements/ that had been called chem-i-cal are really our ancestors awakened to help us!

    yay!

    :) :) :)

    thats the computer and metals too

    thank u thank you thank you

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 12:40pm

  533. 533: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    u know whats (surprisingly) even more fun than playing a game to win with a guy, and trash talking to him?

    playing it and celebrating his wins and good scores as well as yours…

    what? yes. it actually makes playing pool feel so fun for me and i get lots of kisses, and wind up feeling relaxed and open in my heart rather than in my head and feeling frustrated/disappointed often

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 12:46pm

  534. 534: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie,

    Being that he let Valentine’s Day go as well, I would not let this slide.

    I wouldn’t blame him either, but I would just speak from the heart that you would like to celebrate your anniversary and that it’s important to you.

    I think *too much space* at a time like this can start to feel like you are feeling neglected, and if it were me I might start building up a teensy bit of resentment if I pretend I’m ok with it and it doesn’t mean that much to me when it clearly does.

    That’s how I would feel, I’m not sure if it’s the same for you. hugs

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 12:49pm

  535. 535: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    CurvySiren

    Not sure if you would be open to exchanging e-mail addresses? Might be quite cool to chat off the blog.

    Perfectly fine if not though :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 12:54pm

  536. 536: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Because this relationship is important to me I would like to do something to celebrate the anniversary. I know you have a lot on your plate right now, I would feel very happy if we could do something together. What do you think?”

    I suspect “so maybe after this is all over, we can start dating normally, and then celebrate a new anniversary” is not your microscopic truth. I believe you truly want to celebrate it Elsie and I would honor that desire if I were you by voicing it, not disqualifying it. Just sink in your heart before and set an intention to accept no for an answer if he does not want to. Though you can always express your disappointment without pouting and throwing a 2-year old hissy fit :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:04pm

  537. 537: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I realise now I’ve really f@@ked up at work.
    Not deliberately.
    And actually its only minor stuff – but my line manager is angry because she pressumed I knew. And I’ve only just twigged what she’s talking about because nothing has been explained to me… And she’s been getting so stressed and angry it has been scaring me.

    And now I feel stupid, and angry at myself for not twigging. And its such a minor thing too… It’s not difficult at all….

    Pppffffffttttt

    The whole thing is a mess and I am stressed and my confidence is on the floor.

    And I’m feeling angry towards myself and anxious..

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:09pm

  538. 538: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going to try a love myself and soothe myself…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:11pm

  539. 539: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    But anyway the way that she is talking to me seems soooo out of order… She just doesn’t like me because I am quiet…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:18pm

  540. 540: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Indigo, that would be great. What’s the best way to do it?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:52pm

  541. 541: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    OK – I read somewhere on another site that if you ask a man to provide something that he either cant provide emotionally or physically then its just cruel, and he will resent you for it, and be frustrated.

    I wonder if asking him to celebrate an anniversary at this point is just something that he is not capable emotionally of doing. He is obviously focused on some very serious life altering things and his focus is (rightly) elsewhere then in a celebratory mood.

    I’m not trying to make excuses just finding the best way to handle this.

    Maybe now is the time I lean back. And just focus on myself instead. There may or may not be times for anniversaries later, but I feel like if I push this I might lose it all because I will look selfish at a very critical time for him.

    ON another note, its beautiful in Iowa and my children loved playing in the snow – and I shoveled my driveway – AGAIN. :) Go me. :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 1:53pm

  542. 542: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i love Adapting to a man when i feel pleased and activated with him…

    i want to worship him and his penis and it feels so wonderful to WANT to do that and know i have been fully worshipped and therefore all is good

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 2:05pm

  543. 543: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    when i feel filled up i wind up GIVING way MORE and MORE OFTEN than when i am choosing to force.push.hurt.deny.abandon myself and give/overfunction from fear of loss of love

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 2:47pm

  544. 544: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I really am feeling excited and cared for reading Adam Gilad’s new relationship book.

    I mean i feel so surprised i feel blown away!

    it FEELS WONDERFUL to read! similar to that warm golden feeling i get reading Rori

    i got the book for 2.99 … it might still be that !

    I feel so impressed by this guy!

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 2:49pm

  545. 545: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im growing a huge wing on my back on my right hand side!

    i can feel it!

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 2:53pm

  546. 546: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so angry. I feel like everytime I “think” something will “go wrong” it does. I feel like I have NO control – everything feels like it is down to fate…. I hate that … I feel so powerless. Like what is the point of even trying if fate is going to take it all away from me. I feel like I’ve predicted this. I just hate it being the pattern of my life… How do I change??

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 2:54pm

  547. 547: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Rebecca – I totally understand and feel your pain. It feels like just when I get control of something, I really don’t have any. Its like a cruel joke. I get to get sooooo close to happiness, and then its like the rug is pulled out from me. I have no words of comfort, but wanted to just echo what you are saying and let you know you are not alone if that means anything….

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 3:20pm

  548. 548: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    Just curious – can we talk about other relationship books/experts on here? I wanted to reference something but wasn’t sure if I was allowed…..

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 3:22pm

  549. 549: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    here comes Sexy CD! thats right Sexy CD

    is coming in now!

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 3:57pm

  550. 550: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ahhhhh :) :) :) life feels so good

    thank u life thank u

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 3:57pm

  551. 551: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i can feel God in all the men i loved

    and he’s coming closer and closer…

    i feel trembly

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 4:04pm

  552. 552: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    @ Tam (521)

    May I ask how do you cope with this casual relationship type of behaviour from your ”weird’ guy lol ?

    I’m in too deep with something casual and i’m wondering if feeling message would help let him know what I want without saying straight out listen you better shape up and date me lol .
    Aaaahh i feel confused when I think of all of this. My brain feels all scrambled.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 4:15pm

  553. 553: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Anyone can chime in actually…
    My question is how have feeling messages helped your relationships?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 4:27pm

  554. 554: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    512: Tam says:

    …”more like ‘the men don’t want to handle a gf that knows the truth, especially if it isn’t a very palatable truth’.”

    Yes they know exactly what they doing when they choose to lie.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 4:40pm

  555. 555: Asian48No Gravatar says:

    How do you know when Mister Right comes along? How do I know he’s the one without being hurt.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 4:59pm

  556. 556: Asian48No Gravatar says:

    How do you know when your soul mate is the right man? How do I know he’s the one without being hurt.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:00pm

  557. 557: Asian48No Gravatar says:

    Does age matter when dating? What are guy’s looking for in a relationship with women?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:02pm

  558. 558: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I just had a revelation. I know….I’m a bit dense….LOL…..this will be elementary to you all.

    I just caught up on the whole blog…..some of the stuff was great.

    Ok – so I’m marinating in this decision where I need to decide if I say something about our anniversary or not..

    Well, Feminine woman you gave me the answer at #401 – Until he says you are a couple…..you are single.

    Well. I am Single then. I know he loves me. And I love him. We are in a weird place right now. And he has a lot going on and so do I with our lives. But we are not a couple. Not really. Even though we love each other. So……people who aren’t couples….don’t have anniversaries. There is nothing really here to celebrate, except that we started falling in love a year ago.

    Then @Mercedes at #432 you said that my life is MINE and can not be ruined by another person. That is easy to say and hard to process, but I believe you. I need to start really believing that.

    And finally, @Feminine Woman at #532 you said that when you find yourself obsessing over what to say its my wounded self wanting to CONTROL. You got that right.

    So, at the end of the day…..I’m in an imaginary relationship really. I mean it is a relationship, and we do love each other….but we are not an exclusive couple. So…..as painful and heart wrenching (truly truly HEART WRENCHING) it is to write……..there is nothing to celebrate. We aren’t a couple…..so we cant really be celebrating an anniversary.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:05pm

  559. 559: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Aaaww Elsie !

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:28pm

  560. 560: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    I’m having so hard of a time deciding whether or not I have a “right” to celebrate an anniversary – and if so, whether to say something. This is so hard for me. We aren’t together in the traditional sense, but we do love each other.

    I go back and forth. Help.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:37pm

  561. 561: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – 548 – Yes. I’m another relationship coach, and I’m talked about frequently. As are several other coaches.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:38pm

  562. 562: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    ArabianLove – 553 – Part of my interpretation of feeling messages and usually how I begin to introduce them with a client is to underscore that they are really about you. One of the cornerstones of my work is bringing things back to you, and it applies here.

    It’s about how YOU fell, and using feeling messages helps YOU get in touch with YOU and how you feel. They help you find the real you, AUTHENTIC you. And as a lovely benefit, it helps a man feel closer to you. It helps him feel safe, for he doesn’t have to guess.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:41pm

  563. 563: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – 557 – I saw this before and hesitated to respond, for I am of two minds here. I understand how you feel, Valentine’s having been overlooked and now this looming. Yet I also see the pain he’s in and can imagine the stress he feels. And I wonder if he feels additional pressure from you.

    I don’t remember right now how long you’ve been together, so I apologize. If you have been together for awhile and this truly is that important to you, how about offering to cook a nice meal for him, either at your place or his.

    If you haven’t, then this gets more tricky. And maybe short speech is needed. I liked what you proposed earlier as a little speech though I would amend it some, eg. “I feel hesitant/afraid/nervous even bringing this in light of all the stress you’ve been under. Yet it would feel SO nice to have a little celebration in honor of our anniversary. What do you think?”

    Though I believe you have already brought this up, yes?

    If this is the case, then saying something else would be better.

    Or you can wait and see what he does with no prompting from you.

    With all of this though, you need to drop your expectations around his response. Try to stay as open and allowing as possible no matter what happens.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:51pm

  564. 564: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you so much Dominique :) !

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 5:53pm

  565. 565: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Dominique – Thank you for your words. And your time.

    It will be our one year anniversary of kissing and admitting our feelings for one another.

    I am torn too. We are not officially a couple in the sense that we both have a LOT of obligations to get through in the next few months. But I know he loves me, and I do love him.

    He and I have never called each other boyfriend/girlfriend…..but he has said he loves me more times than I can count.

    I just feel like on one hand I would love it – but on the other hand it truly truly feels WEIRD to me to think about an anniversary when he is going through filing a response to a child custody order which he will do right around the day of our “anniversary”.

    Its all very ill timed. And frankly, I think the moment for romanticism and “us” is not really there right now -his head is elsewhere – men are single focused, and he is in his waffle square of this – as he should be.

    I’m torn.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:05pm

  566. 566: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I am far removed from my guy. I am not wondering about him at all, which feels good. I guess because I’m not worried about him coming around again. I just know he will.

    Now the problem occurs when he does contact me… that’s when I get all flustered and I feel really confused.

    Anyways, I really like having an outlet where I can talk freely about my feelings:)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:18pm

  567. 567: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie, what do you feel like doing ? Truthfully …

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:20pm

  568. 568: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – Ah yes I remember better now, and you know I agree with you on this. First of all you are not exactly a couple. It’s not that this is imaginary; it’s more that you are on your way, yet still in that hazy territory. This coupled with what he’s going through right now, I would suggest and encourage you to do your best to let this be; try to release the energy around this. Try to remain as open hearted to him as possible. Try to feel okay if not really good no matter what he does or doesn’t do.

    If he is truly the man for you, there will be SO many other opportunities for celebration and romance.

    Maybe have a little celebration or commemoration on your own, candle lighting, a short prayer or meditation, a giving of thanks.

    And who knows, he may surprise you. And wouldn’t it feel SO much better to be surprised than to carry expectation which are not met and thus feel disappointed if not angry.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:22pm

  569. 569: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I truly love Dominique’s comments !

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:24pm

  570. 570: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    ArabianLove – 563 – How about being honest about this. Tell him right off that off that you feel all flustered and confused. This can be a scary place to go to, to be this vulnerable, yet it’s REAL, and a good man will find this endearing and quite wonderful.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:25pm

  571. 571: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, this is what I need to start doing and the reason why I joined this blog. I have been trying different tactics in order to get reactions from him.
    I started a year and a half ago pretending I didnt care about him that i had many men that I could be with (which was true at the time but it came off as very smug). This backfired because he acted the same way eventually I opened up and showed him that I was trustworthy and he did the same as well. We have gained trust in each other over this period of time, but then I tried what other men told me to do which is to play hard to get dont answer all his calls etc. This gets a strong reaction from him but then again make me feel like I’m not allowed to be busy because he thinks I’m ignoring him but he can not answer my messages without a problem. It is always on his terms and I have a problem with that.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:35pm

  572. 572: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Dominique. Perfect. Your words are perfect.

    That FEELS right to me – even though I wish things were different, if he truly is the man for me then there will be more celebrations and joyous moments together later.

    It just somehow doesn’t FEEL joyous now…..it would feel forced and awkward, and well, shrouded with this grey cloud over him and therefore me.

    Perfect words. I would buy you a beer if I could – :)

    Elsie

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:36pm

  573. 573: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – :) I would love a beer. I feel truly honored to be able to help with this. You feel SO much calmer to me now. YAY you!!!

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:43pm

  574. 574: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    ArabianLove- 568 – This isn’t about tactics or game playing. It’s about being real and true to you though also keeping your mind, body, and heart open to what is, to possibility.

    If he gets pissy because you don’t answer him right away, you smile (smiles can be felt via texting and email by the way), and say sweetly you were busy. He’s a big boy, and if can’t handle this…

    But it’s likely that a shift in your energy will shift his too.

    And if takes time to answer you, remember he’s likely busy too, and also remember that men do not tend to be able to multi-task all that well. They also tend to have their own, uniquely male timetable which SO does not look like ours. A day to us will seem like a minute to them.

    Being open and curious, in the moment, moment by moment will serve you SO well with your man.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:47pm

  575. 575: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Arabian love, my story with the ‘weird guy’ is an ongoing 2 1/2 year thing..so I am not sure how that compares with you..we’ve been through everything and back, but we aren’t and won’t be in a relationship unless he changes something drastically. I gave up a while ago and dated other men and even had a 6 month relationship in the middle of all of it.
    The bottom line is, yes, feeling messages and being authentic does bring them closer and yes, it is about speaking your truth and not doing it to bring them closer. It took me a while to understand this.
    And really, I guess I only understand the power of it the other day. I have been pretty authentic with him for about a year..but always explained and tried to see what his reaction was.
    Meanwhile he keeps drifting in and out of my life, contacting me but never stepping up. So once again I wrote him an ‘authentic’ email a couple of weeks back. he reacted but not at all like I had wanted, (I wanred him to retreat) but by trying to fix, albeit feebly..getting a friend to call me etc.

    I think the best thing to do is being true to yourself.
    Since I let it all go, I don’t even care if I lean forward, backward or sideways with this man.
    He is still contacting me, sending me little videos and little messages. The other day I felt a pang and just very simply wrote:
    ‘I miss you a little’. That was how I felt.
    And this was not needing an answer and it went unanswered for one day. And then in typical man mode ‘let’s fix this’, rather than saying ‘oh nice’, or ‘I miss you too’..he answered by planning an outing for when he gets back from a vacation (on which he has invited me also but I could not go).
    I am starting to understand more, and not expecting a man to feel the same, say what we want him to say or do what we want him to do. Some do, some don’t.
    I found it rather sweet that he tried to fix the fact that I miss him.
    It changes nothing, it doesn’t mean he is stepping up and it doesn’t mean I have any hope anymore. It just goes to show that being authentic, without a lot of flowery words and explanations, is perhaps getting straight to a man’s heart…as well as us feeling better for having it ‘off our chest’.

    So yes. In some ways it makes things easier.
    Although it won’t make the wrong man ‘right’ as if by magic. ;)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 6:51pm

  576. 576: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    I just had the most amazing experience and wanted to share. I’m soooo excited about this!!

    J is out of town for two nights and I hate it when that happens (not the amazing part yet…lol). I miss him when he’s gone and tonight I was just kind of bored so I decided to take some time in the hot tub relaxing my back and relieving some of the pain. While I was in there, I figured since I was alone, I would try a meditation. I wasn’t really expecting it to work, but it ended up being the most amazing thing ever!!

    I first focused on the lights (ours changes colors every few seconds) and then really listened to the sounds and then the bubbles and then the feel of the jets on my body. Pretty soon, I just totally lost myself in a meditation of being wrapped in love and warmth and light. The sounds and the jets and the sensations didn’t bother the meditation at all…it was so amazing!!! Seriously amazing!!

    Even when the auto shut off kicked in, I felt a little twinge and went right back into that state. I reached over and turned everything back on and probably still had another 5 minutes or so of being lost in love and warmth and light…OMG!!!

    Now I want sooooo much to put a hot tub in my spa so I can work with people on meditation in that environment!! It won’t happen on the initial build, but it is now a futher dream of mine. I want this for everyone more than I can even say. The peace and love and tranquility I felt is beyond compare. I loved it and feel sooooo….I don’t know…calm and lovely even with all my excitement and joy. A truly wonderful experience…

    I will build on this again. J will be my partner in it when he returns (although I plan to do it again tomorrow without him first). He’ll love it! :-)

    I miss him tonight. Back in the house and wishing my best friend were here to cuddle with. I’m going to keep feeling the warmth and light and love though so that when he calls before he turns in, I will be filled with all of it.

    Hope everyone is having a most wonderful evening. Will catch up on the blog soon…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:12pm

  577. 577: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Dominique – I FEEL a lot calmer. Im not happy. I don’t feel joyous. I don’t feel glad. I don’t feel celebratory. I don’t feel adored or taken care of right now.

    But I do feel calm. That is the right decision. I just FEEL it.

    Boy I want it to be different. I want there to be a boy at my door with flowers. But there wont be. And I’m not going to ask for it because he cant give it to me right now.

    Thank you in all sincerity Dominique for your words. I really do feel calmer about the whole thing. (I’m not happy…..LOL….but I’m calm.)

    Elsie

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:15pm

  578. 578: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Silly Mercedes :)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:26pm

  579. 579: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    FW: I know… :-) But wow! I seriously thought there would be too much distraction to get into that state but wanted to give it a try….truly, truly lovely!

    Maybe it was the wine…who knows…heehee

    Much Love to you,
    Mercedes

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:28pm

  580. 580: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Your energy feels like a little girl skipping down the street with a new toy. I can feel your excitement. It sounds like a wonderful experience.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:33pm

  581. 581: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    haha! Yup! That’s it…skipping away with my new toy (which I can’t wait to play with again tomorrow…) :-)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 7:35pm

  582. 582: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    On my date tonight the guy asked why my prior relationship ended. I said i don’t know. He asked – why did you end it? I said I didn’t;) He asked what happened and I said that we were supposed to go for dinner and I called to talk about the plans and my call never got returned. he said – did you only call once?? Did you never call again? Do you realize that you did the same thing as he did – you just made one more call compared to him. I said – no;)

    Then he said that no other woman would do that. An american woman would call and demand explanation, and vent and say he’s an j-k because he is. Why didn’t you do at lest that? I said – if he loved me he would have called. This is the only thing that matters. My date didn’t seem to agree;)

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 8:50pm

  583. 583: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    CurvySiren, I’m not sure!

    So I’ll just take a chance and post my email address here:

    clearw@ymail.com

    I’m hoping there are spammers on the blog today :) I’m choosing trust!

    Hugs to all sirens (((((((()))))))

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 8:52pm

  584. 584: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo now whoever ever googles your email address will find you here

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 9:06pm

  585. 585: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    My date from sunday night who was breathing in my face and constantly knocking on my shoulder (not tapping) emailed criticizing the choice of a bar (mine because he said he didn’t know anything in my area), the fact that tv was on with oscars and he had no interest in watching, I didn’t pay attention to him, but only to tv and then asking me out again. To a place with no tv’s, because otherwise there was no intimacy. Really?

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 9:19pm

  586. 586: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I really really hope my phone call went untracked!!!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 9:20pm

  587. 587: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Blog – should I just Let it loose on CudG?

    Should I just say: I feel angry at you …I feel disappointed…I don’t want this weirdo casual kind of connection. I feel confused and resentful and I don’t want to feel this way.
    I want to take care of myself. I want to feel better…what do you think?

    Wow…Scary…

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 10:44pm

  588. 588: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Wow…I need to date someone else…Pronto..
    Im thinking of being vulnerable in front of a guy I haven’t seen in 3 weeks!
    The writing is on the wall…It’s over.
    I just don’t want to see it..
    I’m holding onto the hope because I dont want to feel Sad.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:13pm

  589. 589: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens I just ordered a book called your killer emotions. It’s about self sabotage emotions and how to manage them… I really need it.

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:57pm

  590. 590: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Emerson taking care of me by reading books that are helpful!

    Tuesday, 26 February 2013 @ 11:58pm

  591. 591: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Dominique your advice is greatly appreicated.

    By the way, :) I didn’t mean that I wanted to use feeling messages as a tactic. Just that it has been over a year that I have been using different tactics and NOW I need to start being true to myself and my feelings.

    It’s just time and I owe it to myself!
    It feels right at this moment.

    Much love !

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 3:39am

  592. 592: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone. It’s been ages since I was here and soooo much has changed since TH and I split up last year. I now have several men in my life, some with potential and some not.

    I met a 30yo guy in late January who I talk to every single day. He texts every morning and night, and calls at least every couple of days. We have zero future together though, because we eventually want different things. Plus I’m 11 years older. It’s just fun and nothing more. Plus he eventually wants to marry and have kids which is not on the cards for me, but he’s doing everything right for now – and I feel so happy.

    If only I could meet a 40+ year old version of him, because he’s everything I could want in a man. Argh!

    He’s away working right now and comes back next week. I can’t wait because it’s going to get STEAMY!

    Meanwhile, last week I went out and bumped into a guy who was the best man at my first wedding. One thing led to another and I went back to his place and OMG that guy has some serious energy! Plus he’s an amazing kisser! It was really nice and he admitted to having feelings for me for a VERY long time – many years! I’m not expecting any type of future with him either though – he’s a player. So the fact that he’s not contacted me since Saturday isn’t bothering me one bit. My focus is elsewhere anyway. ;)

    So on Monday morning I received a text from Mr NYE, who then went poof the week before I met S, saying that he was still hung up on some other chick. I was surprised to hear from him and we texted back and forth for a bit and then he poofed again. Meh.

    On Monday afternoon I received a text from a guy (we’ll call him M) I met around two years ago. We met in a pub and we kissed a bit and I remember him being a really really lovely guy. Great kisser and affectionate too. He texted a few times but I was still seeing TH and it just dropped off. So he told me on Monday that he suddenly had the urge to make contact with me and made plans to see me straight away as he didn’t want to let me go this time.

    I saw him Monday and Tuesday nights and he flew out today with work so won’t be back till Sunday. He just texted earlier to let me know he’d arrived safely. :)

    So right now I have S, M, B (best man), Mr NYE, Mr Lawyer (he still wants to sleep with me), D (ex coworker), and another guy from work asked me out over the weekend. Oh and I was supposed to have dinner with another guy last night but I was feeling unwell so cancelled.

    So what I’ve learned most from my experience with TH, is to drop all expectations. Every single one of them. Don’t look to the future. Look at NOW. How do I feel NOW? Do I feel good with him? Is he treating me right? Does he say and do the right things by me? Do I want to keep feeling this way?

    And the biggie – am I feeling good about how he IS, or am I focused on his potential? I was in love with TH’s potential, when the reality was that he was treating me like cr@p.

    Life is amazing right now and I am actually grateful for the experience with TH, because it’s taught me so so much. :)

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 4:15am

  593. 593: k2012No Gravatar says:

    588: u haven’t seen or heard from your guy for 3 weeks. Omg. Have u tried to call him? What has happenned exactly? I was thinking about what u said regarding me putting Overseas cd in the friend zone. I think I put him in the friend zone not because I don’t regard him as a romantic interest anymore, but because I see that there is practically no hope with him. His words (“I am interested in a serious relationship”) are not matching his actions(“I don’t want to talk on the phone) so as a result of that I just say “well he is not going to work out so I put him in the friend zone and just accept the fact that he is not working out. He messaged me briefly as I told u guy and said he missed our conversations. The question I want to ask is “How do u know when u have met the right man?” Dominique as one of the coaches on here, I am asking you to answer this please. Anyone else who wants to answer this, I accept your comments as well. I am at work and feeling so exhausted. I am also stressed financially. Need some cheering up. Thanks ladies.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 4:33am

  594. 594: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – 577 – How about taking care of adoring yourself? Not so easy when you are unaccustomed, yet something worthwhile exploring.

    And how about trying to love this unhappiness? Embracing it? Feel it, and then give it space to move through you until you reach a better feeling feeling.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 4:55am

  595. 595: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Arabian – 591 – :)

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 4:58am

  596. 596: TamNo Gravatar says:

    587 Heart, as for ‘letting it loose’ on Cuddly…depends on whether you have an agenda with that. Personally, I now do it when I feel like it and it just needs to get out. Better out than in.
    It’s easier when you are not attached though.
    I sent Curly a pretty hefty message the other day, and felt a lot better after getting it all out.
    I didn’t really care whether he would vanish after that.
    I got to that point with MrP also, really.
    I seem to ‘not care’ anymore and this has given me the freedom to write/say what I feel like, even if it’s angry or whatever.
    Perhaps I should have done that from the get-go.

    I just worry that you might be embarrassed later. If you know that there is no attachment to the outcome than tell him you are angry. Although, I guess he hasn’t done anything wrong. But you are feeling what you are feeling!

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:00am

  597. 597: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    k2012 – 593 – This isn’t an easy question to answer, and I don’t know that there’s the same answer for everyone.

    Some would say you just know. When you meet your “the one”, you just know. Though I would say for most this is the stuff of romance novels. At least when the feeling is this definite. Yet I have heard of this happening.

    I think it’s more intangible than this, a feeling which has no words.

    For me there was something like this, yet I still carried a lot of fear and doubt about myself, my feelings, my feelings around the relationship, and around K. I can’t say I just knew, yet it was something like this.

    I also knew that time would show me if this intangible feeling I had was true.

    Excitement of the anxiety ridden kind is likely not a sign of a man being your “the one” though it’s likely someone out there has had this experience.

    Usually a sense of calm, peacefulness, warmth, glowing, safety is a better indication, yet there is likely someone out there who can say this was not so for them.

    I go back to what I opened with, that it will likely be a different experience for everyone.

    I realize I haven’t really answered your question. Yet there are things to ponder here.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:10am

  598. 598: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    You will tell us K2012 when you meet him ;)

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:17am

  599. 599: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning, beautiful women. :) I found a lovely blog, and I highly recommend it. I think it has a VERY healthy view of sexuality as well. I feel nervous about sharing, but hopeful for all of you!!

    http://peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com/about/

    I feel so healed this morning. Couldn’t sleep, thinking, praying, and finally, feeling overwhelmed with peace…

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:18am

  600. 600: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I think sometimes that I will have to stay with my cd even if I am not really excited about it.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:19am

  601. 601: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, you don’t have to do anything like that! You deserve someone you are THRILLED to be with, who is THRILLED to be with you, and don’t you dare settle for anything less!

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:39am

  602. 602: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, that’s why CDing is so great. You don’t have to “settle” for someone who doesn’t make your heart sing because you get to see who else is out there… :)

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:41am

  603. 603: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – thank you for the comment. It felt good to read. And yes – I would feel embarassed if he didn’t treat me with sensitivity after. So I guess I do have expectations for at least a peaceful outcome.
    I don’t feel like writing him anymore.
    I’m hoping to be over this by next week.
    I’m already thinking about him less and less
    and finding myself engrossed in other stuff.

    When a man pulls away…it leaves you with a void and you start obsessing and 0verthinking to fill it.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:42am

  604. 604: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – “When a man pulls away…it leaves you with a void and you start obsessing and 0verthinking to fill it.”

    How very astute. Brilliant. Now can you go fill this void with something that feels better?

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:44am

  605. 605: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so compelled to write to so many of you….

    I started reading The Queens Code – its on line – just google it. I LOVE it. If you love Rori Raye you will love this. Its fantastic. Its helping me so much.

    @Memulo – I have been following your story carefully. I think you did the right thing by calling, because its what you WANTED to do. I mean, really…..I know it felt like the end of the world, but it was a phone call. Perspective is what we all need sometimes. Fifty years from now it will seem so small, but at the time it seems SO huge. I know that feeling so well…..so so well. I am glad you went on another date, but sorry that it didn’t turn out well. I think you need to think about whether or not you need to actually TALK to this guy in order to have some sort of closure. Although Rori will tell you that don’t worry about closure, maybe its something you are seeking, etc. If you are calling to find out what happened with no expectation then that is one thing, and then if you are calling because you want to reignite something that is another thing – neither is right or wrong….just think about it. :)

    @Heart – I hold on to hope too because I don’t want to feel sad. That sentence really resonated with me. I do that same thing too. But at the end of the day, all that happens is that I still feel bad and sad holding on to hope. Sirens I just ordered a book called your killer emotions. It’s about self sabotage emotions and how to manage them… I really need it.

    @Emerson – I will look into that book.

    @Mercedes – I’m glad you had a great experience. I always LOVE to read your posts – you always seem so joyful and happy. I feel like you are “future me” LOL and I am working to get there. :)

    Concerning me……I woke up this morning and immediately felt panic. I felt that wave of negative voices “what if he never texts you again” “what if he doesn’t love you anymore” “he didn’t text you last night and he has forgotten about you” “you are being REJECTED” “you wont get anything for your anniversary because he doesn’t care about you” “you wont ever find anyone.”

    @Butterfly Wings – your post really helped me with this. I decided to live in the now. Not in the past. Not in the future. I totally want to live in right now. I found that I really am in love with him, but am also in love with FUTURE him and FUTURE us. I have SO MANY expectations, and that is what is causing me so much pain.

    @k2012 – I’m so sorry you are feeling so anxious and exhausted. I don’t have any words of advice, just know you are not alone. I’m very familiar with exhausted emotionally. LOL.

    And finally…..LAST BUT NOT LEAST….

    @Dominique – I just want to say THANK YOU TO DOMINIQUE – she spends so much time of her own life, to help us. She is definitely earning brownie points for heaven. :) Thank you again Dominique. I have to tell you that I am feeling a little emotionally overwhelmed (I am tearing up right now) because of how much you have helped me. Thank you for your last post to me. I will try to adore myself …. and yes, you are right I”m very unaccustomed to it. And I am trying to love this unhappiness, and listening to my negative voice and say…..that I love them too – thye are just trying to PROTECT me because they are scared that I am going to get hurt….

    I love this place. Thank you sirens for helping me, and opening up to tell us all about your journeys.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:54am

  606. 606: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Heart – When a man pulls away…it leaves you with a void and you start obsessing and 0verthinking to fill it.

    Brilliant. Absolutely insightful.

    And @Dominique – as per usual – you rock. You are brilliant as well. (Do you get tired of my compliments? LOL) Fill the void with something else besides obsessing……

    ……although that’s easier said than done. LOL Welcome to my world right now haha!

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 5:58am

  607. 607: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie, yes, I found that I was always looking to the future instead of focusing on and enjoying the moment. Now that I’ve learned to change this, my life feels AMAZING! :)

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 6:43am

  608. 608: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    ButterflyWings…. BRAVA !!

    You said… So what I’ve learned most from my experience with TH, is to drop all expectations. Every single one of them. Don’t look to the future. Look at NOW. How do I feel NOW? Do I feel good with him? Is he treating me right? Does he say and do the right things by me? Do I want to keep feeling this way? YES YES YES…

    This is EXACTLY what I started doing.. and what I have done since last summer. I dated several men all last year…and now one has risen to the top! Staying open and receiving still and even in the middle of this wonderful relationship.. I am still doing the no-expectations thing! Life seems to always surprise me delightfully.

    Life is so much more amazing and much less stress. The CD that has risen to the top… felt like “my man” from early on. How great it is to stay focused on this even as a navigate thru with him now. No more thinky boy running my life when it comes to my love life.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 6:47am

  609. 609: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    587 – Heart…

    Yes do it. Please. It would feel good to see your transformation when you do!

    hugs

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 6:52am

  610. 610: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Elsie!!! I feel moved by you. Thanks!

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 6:54am

  611. 611: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo….

    seeing yourself as the “Prize” and only the right man who gets that will get you…

    Settling… is not a mentalilty that fits.

    What do you think?

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 7:00am

  612. 612: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Iamabutterfly – Thank you – but wow, I have so far to go. Like I said….this morning, I was a bundle of nerves and a complete mess. I was so good last night and then I’m ok now….but I was a mess this morning…..LOL

    Its so hard not to have expectations…..so hard not to worry and think of the future……and just enjoy the now…..so hard.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 7:02am

  613. 613: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The Power Of With

    From Katie Hendricks:

    “With” includes and brings attention to the space between people, between concepts, between this moment and the unknown. “With” connects and navigates the territory building new capillary beds of consciousness. Remember the last time someone said, “I’m with you”?—remember expanding and relaxing as if a big, warm hand were at your back? Are you willing to be with you, with your feelings and all the contradictions and loose ends? “With” connects and navigates with the ease of birds soaring and riding the easy currents. Here’s to more with in our lives.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 7:18am

  614. 614: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Savoring This Moment

    •Love as much as you can from wherever you are. (Thaddeus Golas)
    •Fear is excitement without the breath. (Fritz Perls, M.D.)
    •You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet. (Franz Kafka)

    All three of those quotations say something important about savoring the moment. It’s been a week when several different kinds of savoring were called forth. Dealing with the deaths of two friends recently brought up many waves of feeling, each needing to be honored and savored. To savor is to appreciate something in an unhurried manor. Tune in to what you are called to savor this moment.

    With love,

    Katie & Gay Hendricks

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 7:21am

  615. 615: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “In my Rori Raye philosophy – the thing you and a man should BOTH have most in common is a deep, abiding, total love for YOU!

    So, this is the clear first step to getting him to commit – to love yourself MORE than you love him!”

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 7:48am

  616. 616: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://innerbonding.com/relationshipmicro/

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 8:03am

  617. 617: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Is There a Darkside To Breakthroughs?

    From: Christine Arylo

    “Because before every breakthrough there is almost always a breakdown.

    But no one tells you to expect the breakdown – you just see the brilliant results on the other side – and that makes it harder for you to trust your Inner Wisdom, to take the action your heart and soul is calling you to take.”

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 8:07am

  618. 618: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tip: “Backlead” Him

    There’s a way to show a man where you want things to go without actually doing it yourself or telling him straight-out what you want.

    In other words, there’s a way to tell a man that you want him to ask you out without actually saying the words, appearing desperate, or being too “aggressive.”

    You do it by initiating HIM to lead.

    In social situations, there’s always a “leader” and a “follower” – and the energy FLOWS from the submissive to the dominant person, not the other way around.

    A friend of mine who’s a ballroom dancer taught me this. In dancing, she SHOWS a man the way she wants him to go without actually pulling or pushing him there.

    She does it through a technique she calls “backleading.”

    You show a man where you want to go, then you relax and CREATE THE SPACE for him to take you there, but you don’t fill the space for him.

    This way, a man can feel like he’s the one who pursued you, and you can feel more relaxed knowing that the date was “his” idea. Because the LAST thing you want to be doing or feeling is that you’re somehow “chasing” the guy.

    Here’s An Example Of How You Might Do This…
    You might say something like, “You seem like a great guy. I’d love to get to know you better. Here’s my number. If you were to ask me out for tea sometime, I’d say yes.”

    Here’s the caveat for this technique:

    It’s NOT backleading when you’re calling him all the time, texting him to meet you somewhere, complaining that he doesn’t call you enough, or pushing him to “make good” on a suggestion that you two do something together.

    That’s not backleading.

    That’s CONVINCING, and it’s a total turnoff for a man if he’s not yet sure where the relationship is headed.

    CCarter

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 8:22am

  619. 619: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman 617

    I think this is really, *really* profound.

    It would be wonderful if more people were made aware of this, so that you don’t feel inadequate when you have some kind of a breakdown, but that it’s a necessary step on the road to growth and blossoming :)

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 9:57am

  620. 620: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – 605 – Thank you so much for this. Now I’m feeling teary, happy ones. :)

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 10:48am

  621. 621: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Re: Men leading. AttentiveCd & I were discussing gender roles on our date last week. His thoughts are that men want to be leaders & protectors. Words out of a mans mouth ladies, men WANT to guide. Where does that leave women? His thoughts are that women are often the glue that holds society together. We’re the inviting warmth of an accepting embrace…we’re the true healers. In my life I wear many hats. I’m a mover & shaker. I also feel like I’m in my truest element when I’m creating, feeling, expressing & healing. How amazing is it to be having these sort of conversations with men?

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 10:56am

  622. 622: Memulo says:

    Thank you sirens for your support. I don’t want to call again. I was treated like s-t and I don’t need more of that;)
    I am trying to convince myself that he may either not pay attention that it’s my number or decide that it was a mistake given I didn’t follow up or text.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 12:12pm

  623. 623: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Expectations are big and looming, overwhelming, and they feel ugly and limiting. They suffocate your life; they close off your mind and heart; they put dampers on your love. And they will hurt you and disappoint you nearly if not every time you harbor them.

    They keep you in a state which feels anything but calm and peaceful. They practically paralyze you into a fearful, insecure, and unhappy feeling place. Things rarely if ever feel quite right, and in fact they can often feel downright wrong.

    Even when get what you think you want, it’s unlikely to be exactly as you imagined, so twinges or great big jolts of bad feelings come up, feelings of lack, whatever it is not feeling good, inferior maybe, just not what you REALLY wanted. Whatever it is will not be enough. You may have feelings that you might be settling, accepting crumbs, and then irritation maybe even anger or possibly despair may quickly follow on the heels of all of this.

    When you THINK you’ve not received what you want, you feel let down, misunderstood, uncared for, neglected, rejected, and abandoned in some respects. You may have thoughts of unworthiness, that your man thinks you don’t merit what it is you’ve imagined you want. And walls start to go up. Rifts will open up between you and your man. And little rifts can easily become chasms.

    http://sexandheart.com/even-more-on-expectations

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 12:34pm

  624. 624: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie thanks for sharing about the queens code I will check it out…

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 1:01pm

  625. 625: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Feminine Woman –

    I just read Dominiques article from my email too. I loved it – it was exactly what I needed to read. Its hard to really live it…..really hard.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 1:30pm

  626. 626: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #470–I don’t like the arrangement we sort-of have.
    He is very slippery. When I pull back he chases.
    He says and does what he takes to get me back in his orbit.
    But–when I come back he slides right back into the old pattern.
    He is having a big musical event tomorrow and I will be bringing a party of 20+ to provide a big part of the audience.
    I know because of where we are right now that he EXPECTS me to stay afterwards. He also knows I have a hard time driving at night.
    I think I am going to drive the 18 miles back to my turret. I may just say I have a busy Friday.
    I am working on saying I need “space”. Without actually breaking up.
    And I do need space. I need to move on if he really won’t step up for real.
    So far breaking up hasn’t worked. He just keeps a coming. But me needing space–just for today–might work.
    If I am around him I can’t give the CDs a chance. I have strong feelings for him. Repeated contact just makes it worse (or maybe impossible).

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 1:51pm

  627. 627: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 626

    “But then, he’ll often do the absolute MINIMUM he has to do to keep you around

    He’ll try to keep you at “girlfriend” level as long as he can without making a commitment
    He’ll try to hang onto his “freedom” as long as he can without making a commitment
    He’ll say he needs “time”
    He’ll say he’s not “ready”
    If you “play hard to get,” he’ll suddenly “snap-to” and work amazingly hard to get back in your “good graces” JUST UNTIL he can “slack off again” and STILL keep you around for awhile longer.

    Men are champs at drawing things out. I’ve seen a man go for years – 2, 5, even 8! without even TALKING about commitment.

    It’s always just “not a good time” in his life.

    So what’s REALLY happening with him?

    Why is he being so “squirrely” and immoveable?

    Why’s he so “not ready” – especially if he’s in his 40′s?

    There’s a simple answer, and it’s about two things: ATTRACTION and CONNECTION.

    And the tough part for us about it is it’s not something you can FIGURE OUT.

    It’s just not something that works in the mind – actually, it works for a man totally on a FEELING level – just the way it does for us…”

    Rori’s email

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 2:26pm

  628. 628: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “open up your heart and your real feelings so your man can CONNECT with you.

    Let him feel your WARMTH instead of the cold anger and resentment we ALL feel when we’re kept on hold and at arm’s length from a man we truly care for.

    Let him feel your willingness to SHARE your feelings WITH him – so he can feel more trust in you and open up HIS feelings more.

    If you’ve tried, you know that ASKING a man to “open up” never works.

    The only thing that works is leading by example-YOU have to open up FIRST.

    So… Start now – this minute -

    1. Ask yourself “What do I feel?” Then…

    2. Say it OUT LOUD to the room, if you can, or to the mirror in the bathroom if you’re out in public.

    3. Say – “I feel shaky,” or “I feel sad,” or I feel happy just looking at that flower over there.”

    4. Practice, as Gina did, doing Feeling Messages with everyone, everywhere you go, and it will become natural to you in days.”

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 2:30pm

  629. 629: OliviaNo Gravatar says:

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/love-forever-is-just-a-bunch-of-dating-moments-strung-together/#more-1609

    This old post is helping me right now.
    I feel like my head and stomach are all moving in different directions away from me.
    I feel exhausted from work, and afraid of my boss’s opinion of me, exhausted from the daily grind, and tingling with nervous energy all over.
    I feel that this state is a ‘trigger’ for me that causes me to NOT speak in FM and waste wonderful opportunities to receive bf’s feelings and use them to figure out more about how I feel with him.
    Ugh.
    Or whether I want to get back with my ex.
    Trying to remember I have only been doing this for 2 months and to BE PATIENT.
    Hugs to me.
    Hugs to everyone.
    sigh.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 3:20pm

  630. 630: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I was feeling very lighthearted and happy but now I feel quite anxious. I’m not sure why…

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 6:12pm

  631. 631: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Anyways, for the first time I’m truly ready to state what I feel, and feel like doing also. If my guy says no than so be it :p

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 6:17pm

  632. 632: k2012No Gravatar says:

    592-Butterfly wings. …….”to drop all expectations. Every single one of them. Don’t look to the future. Look at NOW. How do I feel NOW? Do I feel good with him? Is he treating me right? Does he say and do the right things by me? Do I want to keep feeling this way?

    And the biggie – am I feeling good about how he IS, or am I focused on his potential?” Your post is very interesting butterfly Wings. As a matter of fact, I cracked up at reading parts of it with the guys u are dating and the different names. Your life sounds interesting. Expectations-funny enough, I always have expectations when I meet a man. When I get involved with a man, while knowing that not all of them will step up, as soon as a few months pass, I naturally start thinking and wondering if this guy is going to be Mr Right and if we are going to get married. Are u saying Butterfly that if we date a guy without expectations it might just work out? In other words, don’t bother obsess over the future and his potential, just relax and think about NOW. Is that what u are saying? U have a very interesting point there, I tell u. It comes right back to circular dating now. That’s why we have to circular date.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 6:29pm

  633. 633: k2012No Gravatar says:

    So true Butterfly wings, true true.”That’s why CDing is so great. You don’t have to “settle” for someone who doesn’t make your heart sing because you get to see who else is out there. ” Have u noticed how everything comes back around to circular dating. Ladies thank u so much for your comments. Memulo, I will certainly tell u girls when I find the right man. Thanks Dominique and Elsie.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 7:34pm

  634. 634: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Elsie & Dominique.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 7:56pm

  635. 635: CrushNo Gravatar says:

    Sadly I find myself having reached my limit tonight. Everythinh about he and I would be considered toxic yet after a year and a half our lives are intertwined in a very complex way. I purchased a home that needs propane to heat with in order to complete it for us to live in. He currently lives in a travel trsiler that is parked in a friends driveway. The odd part is that I also own that home so each night for the oast 18 months I have stayed with him and then returned to my mothers place to shower plus my 3 year old dog stays with her since my divorce three years ago. He and I both have a lot if items stored at the unfinished house.

    Anyway today when my tenant/friend handed me the mortgage payment he asked me if I lived there. Caught off guard by his bluntness I said no. Apparently again the cost of propane is breaking everyone and he felt we had srained his tank. Idk but we have previously paud some to camp in his yard. Anyway my guy texted back and forth which is more than he usually would do since he feels there us no need for it. He really is a difficult one to figure out. I was with my ec husband for 26 tears and im 44 so this whole thing where we are viewed as being appeasers because we do things for them and make them a priority in our lives is new to me. But i seem to have done each and every one of these thingss exactly as i should not have and tonight i exploded via text. He said if i cintinued on i was just going to make thungs worse. I couldnt understand how he could allow his friend to basically displace me from my home like that, especially without any explanation. He asked what i thought he could do saying his hands were pretty much tied. I cant imagine. Myself allowing someone to kick him to the curb like he dud. We went back and forth til he said i just wanted to fight and ge refused to participate any further. He said he was turning his phone off and thats wben it happened. I just could not stop myself from spilling my guts although i knew ut was not the way to accomplish anything. I stated some things he had previously said to me like “go ahead and pout, youre the inly one affected by it because i dont care.” Tonight he turned it around and said well now its necessary for me to terminate our friendship if thats what you think. Um no those are your words. Ugh i am so fed up and hurt inside. Obviously this is an imaginary relationship ive created for myself and now im sick for losing him or rather for pushing him away. I see the logical part in that i certainly havent presented myself as a sirdn. I always felt that he and i were past that since i just want to wind my days out in the quaint cozy comfort of the place i consider my home.

    After my crazy text fest he wrote you need to stop. It is you and you alone who has made this not work out for us. You have some emotional issues and need to be in some type of med ir at least need counseling. I feel perfectly stable emotionally … just crushed that he refuses to go to bat for me. My vicious circle is i do crave an occasional touch or a hug. When we sleep in our small single sized bed he is never touchy feely but he is present to me. I generally have my hand in him or rub his back until it lulls both if us to sleep. I have never been told that someone wanted me gone before. Im being punished for caring too much. As i said hes a handful and im sad for having an emotiona attachment for someone. Who is unable of loving me back.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 8:32pm

  636. 636: k2012No Gravatar says:

    When u circular date, u don’t really have expectations as such, although all the same u will be expecting one of the guys to step us.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 8:32pm

  637. 637: CrushNo Gravatar says:

    And i apologize for my atrocious spelling. Typing all that on my droid phone doesnt let me view the screen completely.

    Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 8:35pm

  638. 638: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Intention with Detachment is Ultimate Formula

    “You must intend and you must detach. Intention with detachment is the ultimate
    formula to manifest anything you want successfully. If you keep doing only one
    of the two for prolonged periods of time, you would start to see diminishing
    results. Keep the balance of intention and detachment for optimal results in
    manifestation. Intention is needed to fuel the manifestation process, and
    detachment is necessary to allow the manifestation.”

    Intention is feeling the desire and letting it go. The feeling of the desire
    itself is a wordless intent. Feel the desire, lock it in, want it to happen, and
    then let it come to you. Do not be desperate, do not be attached, and do not try
    to force things. Act on your impulses in every moment to find yourself in the
    right place at the right moment where the situation you want can happen
    naturally and perfectly. In other words, focus on the desire, let it go, and
    continue to act naturally. Want it, and then let it come to you.

    The aim is to clear the mind, to have no thoughts so there would be no
    resistance. Control the breath which is the soul force to calm the emotions.
    Detachment frees you from resisting, and it also frees you from suffering. In
    moments of detachment are moments when you are not thinking about your
    intention, or your attention is on another thing, or you are not thinking at
    all, just being. These are period of forgetfulness when things happen for you
    while you are in a state of nondoing. Rest and you will manifest.”

    - Excepts taken from Article on Mind Reality (Intention with Detachment is
    Ultimate Formula)
    http://www.mindreality.com/intention-with-detachment-is-ultimate-formula

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:58am

  639. 639: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thankful to my body for feelin good. I love it.
    I feel thankful to the Universe for sending me some work projects. I enjoyed doing them. I felt interested, I felt in Boy energy and I felt good about myself and magnetic. And I felt kind. I felt content too.
    I feel thankful to MH for driving me to the place and then picking up. I feel a little numb out with him. I learn to feel worthy within a family.
    I feel thankful to my friend for planning our Friday evening and listening to my preferences and choosing a fancy place. I felt smiley and good and relaxed too.
    I feel thankful to MH for bringing me tea. I felt cared for and a little stiff in my shoulders. I love my stiffness and my shoulders. I send a huge Valentine to my dtiffness and to my shoulders too.
    I feel thankful to the Universe for MH’s doing very well after surgery. I feel like a heavy weight fell off of my shoulders.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 4:03am

  640. 640: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Crush – I feel sad and a bleakness reading your post.

    If the man in your world does not light it up for you then seek light. When you find it you will wonder why your settled for what you have described in your post.

    I have encountered men with closed hearts that do not have their lives settled but seek the company of a woman. From personal experience… I know what it feels like to be told that things between me and another man are not working out because there is something wrong with me… all my fault in multiple ways and them not taking responsibility for any of it. It is the classic, “I am OK… you are NOT ok” WHat a line of BS!

    The thing I have learned

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 4:18am

  641. 641: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    OOPS… hit send before accidently

    The person telling you are NOT ok… is usually the one with the problems.

    The thing that I have done in this situation is to listen to the message, honestly look to see if there is an issue within me (I admittidly have grown from this and made some adjustments in my own life BECAUSE every man does have a message for us)… but not for the purpose of making things better for them but for me if I needed to.

    Reading about this man feels bad and negative. His heart sounds closed and disconnected from you. Clearly something that would feel really bad to me. I tried to fix things with a man who was like what you describe.. it was never enough or right, or satisfactory…after that I simply do not have the ability to tolerate this treatment in my life anymore.

    Walking away from it was a beginning even though I I could see was end. Truely I am happier and glad I did.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 5:05am

  642. 642: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    636 …. I would have to disagree. I did not expect any of the men I CD’d to step up. I totally just received what they brought. I was geniunely open to all of the men in my rotation becasue there were things in each of them that I really enjoyed.

    You can totally CD without expectations. Expectations are different from looking for what you want and need and not settling until you find it. It feels anxiety free and unstressful and delightful !

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 5:12am

  643. 643: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    k2012 – I just posted and article on just this yesterday. It may help.

    http://sexandheart.com/even-more-on-expectations

    xxoo

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 6:27am

  644. 644: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Thanks Dominique. I see your point Linda. Usually one of the step up when u least expect it. What I will do is just concentrate on enjoying the dating, knowing that I will not have to sit by the phone and wait on anyone to call me, just basically enjoy myself and continue praying for a husband. Of course the minimum number of men must be (wo and a maximum can be 3 or 4. Now that doesn’t mean now that if more than 4 guys invite me out, I wouldn’t go, mind u. But 3 or 4 guys is a good guy. I have a question though. When u circular date, u basically choose who u are comfortable to make love to or what? When it comes to lovemaking what do u do? Cause of course, I wouldn’t want to sleep with more than one. Dominique and other ladies, when it comes to lovemaking and circular dating, how do u mesh the two?

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 7:04am

  645. 645: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Where is River Girl and Receiving Girl these days?
    And Radlove?…

    Hope they are well

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 7:09am

  646. 646: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    K2012 – When it comes to lovemaking what do u do?

    First of all what are your beliefs? Do you believe you have to sleep with a guy because he takes you out and spends money on you? Do you believe you have to sleep with a man after a certain number of dates?

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:01am

  647. 647: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Rori,

    I have been living with a man who I find difficult to talk to about any of my desires or needs, as I get this feeling he harbours a lot of resentment. The only way to connect with him is for me to be totally warm and soft, not ask him for anything, and go about my life (even though I long for us to do more things together).

    This morning I asked if there was anything I should know. I was feeling premenstrual and angry at what I felt were subtle attacks against me – things that he knows can make me feel unsafe, such as leaving the wi-fi on at night when I’ve said it disturbs my sleep.

    He raised his voice and said I was spiteful, and accused me of various aggressive behaviours. I felt shaky and helpless. I thought it so unfair that he bring up how I was before I discovered the Rori Raye way. It looked to me that he was suppressing his own aggressive nature. Then he exploded and bashed the table and shouted at me to not do whatever it was I was doing (I was feeling shocked and helpless and angry) or he would punch me in the face.

    I know he wouldn’t do that. He has punched himself in the past, but never me.

    I feel so confused, Rori, about facilitating a man’s anger. Is it meant to be this extreme?

    This man is lovely when he is giving to me. But then he gets to a point where he ‘catches himself’ giving, and then pulls right back, saying he needs to take care of himself.

    I long for a man to give freely to me.
    What does this say about me? I want to take this back to myself. Is there a question here? Where am I not giving to myself freely?

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:30am

  648. 648: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm…FW, your question to K2 about love making has been something I’ve been asking myself. I’ve felt alot of shifting for me in the last few months & it came up on my date with AriesCd on Sunday. I would love to read others thoughts/feelings on the subject. :)

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:42am

  649. 649: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “How Do You Know If You’re Chasing?
    Here are some things we may think of as “friendly,” that are actually CHASING a man:

    1. Calling Him Up
    This includes:

    Calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to or – anything at all
    Calling him to ask him why he hasn’t called you
    Calling him to tell him you’re upset that you haven’t heard from him
    Calling him to give him directions to your home or answering any question he hasn’t specifically asked, or giving him any information he hasn’t specifically asked for, or offering anything
    This does NOT include:

    You’re having a problem or an emergency, and you can’t reach a friend or a relative, and you’ve been dating him long enough that he’s started “future-talking” about things he’d like to do with you and places he’d like to go with you, and you need his help.

    Don’t be afraid of appearing weak. If you need something – something of course that has nothing to do with the relationship – don’t be afraid to ask. This is what being a girl is all about.

    2. Initiating Other “Friendly” Contact
    This includes:

    E-mailing him
    Texting him
    Facebooking him
    Writing him
    Sending him a cute card
    Dropping by his house
    Dropping by his gym
    Calling up his friend
    …Or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.

    3. Moving Things Forward
    This includes:

    Making suggestions, making plans and then inviting him to come and join you, offering to drive to him, offering to drive on the date, offering to put him up for the night on your couch, or in your bed…
    Offering to cook for him, initiating sex, initiating affection (in any way other than smiling with an open heart and body), initiating the “talk” about “where the relationship is going,” getting anything having to do with the relationship “started”…
    Creating a “special occasion,” sending him anything (pictures, mementos, ideas), thinking out loud to him about things you can do together, telling him about things you can do together, and creating things to do together…
    …Or, in any way, acting like the social director of the relationship.

    4. Asking Him How He “Feels”
    This includes, especially, asking him how he feels about “you,” or the “relationship.”

    These are things we do almost without even thinking about it. These are things that feel natural to us. It feels almost weird and unnatural to not do these things. It feels like we’re not being”nice.”

    It feels like we’re not being “friendly.” It feels like we’re going to lose him by not letting him know we’re “interested” in him. It feels like we’re just letting him slip through our fingers.

    And Nothing Could Be Further From The Truth
    Everything on the list above is the same as putting a sign on your chest that says “Needy.” It smacks of desperation. And, it’s just plain not attractive to him.

    He may LIKE it. He may go along with it. He may be flattered. He may have no one else around and so he’ll date you. He may even come to like you very much. You may even end up in a relationship with him.

    But, you will never know how he really feels about you. As long as YOU’RE the one running the show, he may follow, but he’ll never feel inspired. And, you will never feel adored. This is the point where you will find yourself up late at night crying and wondering why he doesn’t want to commit to you.”

    Rori

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:51am

  650. 650: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    yuck

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:53am

  651. 651: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ” The trick to personalizing your smile is to
    allow it a few seconds to spread slowly across
    your face.

    Leil’s advice: when you see the person you want
    to smile to, pause for a second. LOOK at them for
    a second. Then – when you’ve allowed yourself a
    visible opportunity to see them, recognize them,
    and process the fact that their presence makes you
    happy – allow your smile to roll SLOOOOOWLY over
    your face, from your lips to your eyes.

    (Hint: I know, and YOU know, that it doesn’t
    take anything NEAR a full second to process
    someone’s presence. We can see, recognize, and
    react to the presence of someone we know or don’t
    know in about 1/8th of a second. It’s just a fact.

    BUT, when we SEEM to take more time to do those
    things, our reaction to that person appearing on
    our horizon just seems THAT much more genuine –
    warm, cheering, and intensely significant.)

    The science behind the system? The people
    perceived to have the most credibility and
    LIKEABILITY are that little bit slower to smile.
    Their smile takes a few moments to reach its
    zenith, and – as a result – people felt more
    warmth from it. They felt as though that smile was
    meant JUST for them…

    …and so they appreciated it more. And, as a
    natural spin-off from this, they appreciated the
    SMILER (hint: that’s you!) even more.

    So tip number one: SLOW THAT SMILE DOWN! Take a
    second to VISIBLY REGISTER that person’s presence.
    Then – pause for one second.

    Then… and ONLY then… should you allow your
    smile to slowly, powerfully spread across your
    face. Let that person bask in the genuine warmth
    of your smile.

    They’ll like you for it, I promise!”

    Mirabelle Summers, Author
    MeetYourSweet.com

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 9:39am

  652. 652: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    k2012 – 644 – You have sexual exclusivity with one and one only IF you want to, and date the rest unless you are able to handle and are into polyamory.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 9:47am

  653. 653: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    650 I love this!!
    Oh five second smile… Still so hard for me to do! I feel inspired to practice

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 10:47am

  654. 654: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I just had two CDs express to me they are having a hard day at work/headache/ etc..
    I want to be supportive and sensitive without mothering…. Not sure what to say in response…help and suggestions sirens? Dominique ?

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 10:53am

  655. 655: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 653 “oh crap, that sounds a bummer. I get it. I totally get how you’re feeling. Today must be really sh!it”.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 11:20am

  656. 656: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW I will keep that in mind!
    ExoticCD just texted me again saying how his day is rough again today as it was yesterday. I have not replied yet.

    I still really like him but I’m talking to about 3 other guys from the site right now and keeping my focus on me and on CDing….but I do feel a bit of a twinge of disappointment that ExoticCD has not booked time with me for this weekend…but oh well it’s ok cuz I have plans with 3 friends already :-)
    So he will have to book me more in advance, I’m pretty booked up. I do want to spend time with him again though we have a lot of fun together…

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 11:37am

  657. 657: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Saffron – Welcome, and from what you’re saying – this just doesn’t seem like a good match. You can’t find a way to communicate with him, and you have no idea what he’s talking about. Listen to what he says about your aggressive behaviors. Tell us what they are, and you can choose to practice on this man for now, and then, if nothing changes, leave him and take with you all of your new skills for the next man! Love, Rori

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 11:42am

  658. 658: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – A simple – “I’m sorry”, is sufficient.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 12:10pm

  659. 659: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Just to clarify Emerson – saying this doesn’t mean you’re taking responsibility for how they are feeling or for what they are experiencing. You’re expressing empathy. Some men may respond that it’s not your fault, and you can say back that you know, yet you can understand, so you are sorry for what’s going on for them.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 12:13pm

  660. 660: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique and others –

    HOW do you let go of expectations? I’ve been thinking about this so much – but how in the world do you actually do it? Life and dreams and plans……so much of the word HOPE rests in the FUTURE.

    How can you not have an expectation of something….anything?

    I’m having such a hard time with this concept.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 12:15pm

  661. 661: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman re: #418

    Thank you for posting our Love Note! I always smile when I see our notes posted here. Matthew and I appreciate you sharing the love!

    Love and Abundance,
    Orna

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 12:26pm

  662. 662: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – It’s a process like all of this work. You do it little bit by little bit. Awareness is key. Notice when you have them coming up, as I suggested in this week’s article, and gently ask them to leave. Over and over if need be. Play with being curious instead.

    Releasing expectations doesn’t preclude having hopes and dreams. Instead of having a set plan though, you would want to carry inside more of a suggestion and allowing these dreams to be fulfilled in whatever way they show up.

    When you stay in curiosity and openness, you will be more able to notice opportunity, and you hopes and dreams might end up looking very differently than your original plans. Yet the original suggestion will be there still.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 12:33pm

  663. 663: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Dominique!

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 12:42pm

  664. 664: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie I feel that way too…I have a hard time not expecting certain things from family members for instance. Right now my relationship with my parents and sisters is strained because I expect us to be like a unit and a family but at this stage it seems to be each man for himself…I feel sad about it but I’m trying to let go of expecting anything from them….
    Even friendship….sad….

    BUT I have found it easy/stress free/effective to practice this with my CDing as in having no expectations that a guy will call or kiss me or marry me or anything! Just taking it for face value as a moment in time sharing with another person and keeping palms up and open and waterwheeling….its amazing how men have responded to me like a MAGNET….wanting to be closer as I lean back and breathe….heee heee

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 12:45pm

  665. 665: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori for answering me in 657,
    And hi ladies. I am new to the blog.

    I don’t get my man. He exploded at me today, after calling ME aggressive.
    I don’t know if I am too strong for him.
    It’s at the point where I’m scared to show my personality, because the feisty side of it appears to offend him.

    He won’t play with me – you know, a little bit of contact wrestling and physical horseplay. He was afraid as a boy, when his Dad wanted to play.

    I don’t want to be in his head. And at the same time I don’t know how to cope with the simmering resentment he’s displaying towards me.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:04pm

  666. 666: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique – as you know – the big problem I have is about next week. I have decided not to talk with him about it – but I still harbor the expectation that he should do something to honor that day.

    Its so hard for me to let go of that. It was such a wonderful day – one of the best of my life – and I will feel very alone that day.

    I will see him that day – and I dont know what I’m going to do or say since he may totally forget that its our anniversary and I will just be in pain and suffering the whole day if he doesnt say or do aything for it….

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:04pm

  667. 667: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    666 Elsie I know you are not asking me…but regarding the anniversary date (I read some of your earlier posts) I understand what you’re saying but if now is not a good time my perspective would be don’t get to hung up on that particular day and date on a calendar…perhaps you can celebrate at a later date and still honor the anniversary when things are more relaxed and you can both enjoy it more rather than forcing it.
    Your thoughts/feelings?

    On another note, wow I am getting some real communication practice in on the dating website I’m on…men seem to be a lil out of touch with women’s boundaries or else they are just testing or just not aware…lots of them ask me where I work which I will not tell someone I don’t know….
    Maybe I”m paranoid but it’s not safe to tell a stranger because who knows if he is a crazy stalker!?

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:13pm

  668. 668: CrushNo Gravatar says:

    Just so as to not leave the thoughtful folks here hanging I wanted to send a quick note to say that I slept on it and spent the morning wondering if maintaining no contact or doing what he would expect from me, which is to draft a note saying my “bottom line” basically. So I created the following message and pressed send. “If I may, I’d like to apologize for flooding you with texts yesterday. I am sorry. I realize I often take words to heart rather than accept them at face value and I agree with you that I do internalize those words and then react to what I thought was implied rather than what was actually said. I want to work on improving that and as you know, I would also appreciate if you would reconsider not closing off the lines of communication between us. I like you and wish my behavior didn’t sometimes reflect a weird sense of insecurity. Unfortunately my current situation of not having our home completed is nerve-wracking and I’m sorry I treated your place as my temporary retreat. I felt safe there and when that was stripped from me I did feel a sense of urgency to get it back or fight for it or respond in some way. Anyway I have this new job that I’m really liking and I’m excited about some things finally falling into place… I was really looking forward to being able to share some of that new found feel good stuff with you. Would you consider giving me that chance?” SEND

    He immediately responded with one word “Yes.”

    I replied “Thank you. I have a hundred things to work on here and I can’t get my zipper all the way up so I must address my crisis’s at the moment. Have a good afternoon.”

    So there it is. That went remarkably well considering how I felt yesterday.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:18pm

  669. 669: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Saffronsweet – your situation feels frightening to me. I believe I would be out of there if that was me. Him pulling himself back suggests to me that you don’t feel cherished. I wonder if he considers your relationship with him as one of convenience? Like he is just there, for now, until he finds his Mrs. Right. Something doesn’t feel right about what you have written. It almost feels like you are outside looking in.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:31pm

  670. 670: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    why. does. he. always. say. my. name. when other girls are flirting with him? and yet, won’t move us forward? is he testing me? Jerk! How bout I test HIM?

    Hi, ladies! I just needed to have a “human” moment. I actually feel pretty great.

    Bye!

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:32pm

  671. 671: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – it is my belief that men can feel that mental “jerk” in our vibe so I try to catch myself thinking that way or any other negative adjective that my mind direct towards any man or human. I don’t want to be running people down in my mind.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:35pm

  672. 672: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    makes sense.

    he does this thing where he comes on really strong in the beginning, and then majorly backs off, almost to the point of being cold, and girls chase him like crazy…

    Won’t be falling for that again…! :)

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:39pm

  673. 673: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    To be powerful a Creatrix requires being able to connect emotionally with your desires…

    Then they are MAGENTIC.

    Let’s get more intima tewith your desire:

    INTIMACY = into me see

    So, how would you love to:

    - Experience powerful awareness of what most inspires & excites YOU
    – Own your beauty & shine it out to the world in a way that INSPIRES
    – CRAVE whole foods that nourish your body & energize you all day long
    – Allow yourself to experience & CHERISH your own value
    – ATTRACT people, opportunities & prosperity without stress or anxiety
    – Ignite self love, self trust & self respect to a fierce flame of POWER
    - GRACEFULLY let go of what isn’t right for you by honouring yourself

    Feel the difference?

    There is pure MAGIC when you deeply connect with yourself when setting intentions.

    THAT changes everything…they become INEVITABLE.

    Why?

    Because when you connect with the deepest Truth of yourself, you partner with Source.

    And you feel truly SUPPORTED by life.

    To do this right now, imagine ONE desire you have for a moment.

    Then think about WHY you want it (don’t be concerned about HOW it will happen).

    Say, “I don’t know how, but I’m so grateful & happy for…showing up for me!”

    Next, feel the beautiful feelings you would experience if it was already happening for you…

    Really imagine yourself being there, enjoying it!

    Fantasize. Daydream. Soak it in. Cell-ebrate!

    Marinate in your vision of what you desire as if it were already here (it actually is on some level!).

    Allow yourself to really taste & experience it even before it physically shows up for you.

    Your whole being will vibrate with happiness and love and joy and gratitude!

    When you WRITE DOWN what you want include how it will make you FEEL.

    Know that MIRACLES ARE RUSHING TOWARDS YOU!”

    A Love Letter to Yourself
    By: Shakaya Breeze

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 1:55pm

  674. 674: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Femininewoman – your words touch the nerve of my fears. That he is biding time until his right lady comes along.
    I think I am doing the same. I am enough turned off him by now.

    I cannot enjoy the times he cherishes me, because so often he pulls back and shows annoyance at himself for giving to me.

    It’s like he can give, and then a demon comes and whispers in his ear that he’s a jerk for giving a woman what she wants. As if he considers himself weak for doing that.

    He calls me controlling, and says that I’m always trying to get what I want. I try to express my needs in a way that shows I can feel unsafe quite easily.

    I think we have different values. I like regular meals. His constitution is robust and so he can eat anything, at any time. I consider myself sensitive and prefer certain foods. We don’t meet in these basic human ways.

    :-(

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 2:07pm

  675. 675: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Oops, looks like I put you off!

    Everybody vanished.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 2:59pm

  676. 676: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    That freaky man of mine came back from an acting class and is making me a hot drink and looking at me kindly….????

    Unstable, methinks. His mood wobbles like an old bicycle wheel, and he treats me accordingly.
    I feel miffed.
    But I did get a nice drink and a hug.
    Uuugh.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 3:01pm

  677. 677: k2012No Gravatar says:

    FW and Dominique thanks for your responses above. My belief is that sex is very sacred. I am a christian woman and certainly believe in one partner only. Mind u, as a christian, I should not be engaging in premarital sex. I certainly remember that, trust me. But u know these things do happen. But if I do, no more than one partner at a time so in no way I was going to be sleeping with more than one man. Even if I was not a christian, it would have to be exclusivity with one man only. I wanted to find out from u guys however how u do handle lovemaking with circular dating. Trust me, if any man asks me for sex quickly, I am usually turned off and believe that all they want is sex otherwise they would not ask for it so soon.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 3:10pm

  678. 678: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    649.. THat is quite a list of dont do’s. I honestly think I could only pull that off flawlessly if I was in a coma .

    I do get the point of not knowing how a man really feels though. I feel the difference inside when I do something with a man and it is directely related to him initiating. It feels more peaceful and secure on the inside.

    Last weekend was my week end away for my birthday. I made plans to go away. I have done it before. (I have done lots of things like that)…. When I told FavoriteCD what I had planned to do he sounded alarmed…and said “you would go without me”?…. I said, yes I would, but if he wanted to join me that would be lovely. So he invited himself I guess. We did have a wonderful time. But I have to admit that I would love to know what it feels like when he intiates a trip away that would include me. Him deciding to go with me was quite okay and I did not make the plans with an ulterior motive to get him to go. It just happened.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 3:36pm

  679. 679: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Crush.

    Linda says. ” there is always a lesson.

    Oh yes, feel on total agreement.

    You have two choices.
    Fear or Love.
    Fear of losing him.
    Or the best loving action for yourself.
    And if you chose the best loving action for yourself.
    It would be to walk away from any man that is not loving you in a way that feels good to you and how you want to be loved.

    As linda says

    “Walking away from it was a beginning even though I I could see was end. Truely I am happier and glad I did.”

    Linda chose to begin to heal and love herself.

    The lesson to take away is always the same once learned.
    The lesson is always love. hugs.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 4:42pm

  680. 680: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    HAHA! I am just laughing with an amazed kind of admiration for myself.

    I reread rori’s post up there, and realized – that’s what I just did with a man! I texted (k) on Saturday, and he wrote back. I said I would write more in an email, and finally today, I did. And wow, I “went for broke.” lol

    I actually wrote to him, among other deep truths-telling, that part of me still felt like “ripping his face off.” and I left it in. Because who cares. If it scares him – great! He’ll leave me alone if he’s not the man that I want. I was blatantly, thoroughly honest, about good feelings and bad. And I wrote with no attachment at all to outcome. None. Because I literally have no vision for what’s next. I’m fine right now with taking care of me, because that’s number one.

    If he wants to help me, great. But I said flat-out that if he just wants to use me for sex, then that’s out of the question. I know I have other guys who are liking me right now. And I’m not even sure if I like guys all that much. So we’ll just see what happens. No matter what, I’ll be okay….

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 4:44pm

  681. 681: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling numbed out to tell people I am married. It feels like there is still beating up going inside me . A huge Valentine and forgiveness to me. I don’t even want to name my past self ‘clueless’ . And it feels strange. It feels sad and naughty too. I am in a so good feeling place now.. what hurts isthat I compare myself with someone I dont even personally know. My thoughts and assumption I am ‘less than’ hurt. Shoulders feel tense and teeth clenched.
    And aslo a belief that people never intend to hurt me and just doing what they know feels so helpful. Maybe one day I will be able to apply it to mysself too and feel forgiveness to me.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 4:49pm

  682. 682: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    669: Femininewomansays:

    “Saffronsweet – your situation feels frightening to me. I believe I would be out of there if that was me. Him pulling himself back suggests to me that you don’t feel cherished. I wonder if he considers your relationship with him as one of convenience? Like he is just there, for now, until he finds his Mrs. Right. Something doesn’t feel right about what you have written. It almost feels like you are outside looking in.”

    It sounds frightening to me too.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 4:57pm

  683. 683: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    668: Crush..

    This was you choosing fear over love. Hugs. X
    The fear goes deep.

    You are not crazy.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 5:04pm

  684. 684: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    ExoticCD had a rough week at work but I’m feeling piney to see him again…it’s ok I have two other CDs from the site to talk to and hope to date this weekend

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 5:26pm

  685. 685: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I noticed a pattern of feeling piney ….I intend to change this!
    No more pineyness!

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 5:55pm

  686. 686: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    My friend is supposed to set me up with her coworker:)
    We met once before and I hope to meet him again! Lol
    He has a Great job sweet guy and hot!
    I’m on a roll right now!
    I ruled out a guy from the dating site just by using feeling messages and he was asking so many questions… Now I blocked him he was getting argumentative ummm hello not romantic at all!! No loss for me…
    No big deal!
    I also talked to a former classmate in Facebook and we are supposed to hang out!
    He’s cute too and smart :-)

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 6:17pm

  687. 687: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I know I’m rambling but just wanted to share with you sirens!

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 6:18pm

  688. 688: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very disappointed that he did not call tonight after I had mentioned previously that it would be perfect timing for me. Again, I feel he has no consideration for me and my time at all. I also feel relieved though that I did not have to see him and do what he wanted rather than what I really want to do, which is to go out instead of going to his place -.- !
    Argghhh I feel very frustrated !!

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 6:44pm

  689. 689: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    and once again very confused. I don’t feel close to him at all.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 6:46pm

  690. 690: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    OK – wow. I have an update.

    So I’m really working on the whole no expectations thing. Its hard – super hard for me.

    Today he was going through some stuff and we haven’t really connected in a while, so he talked to me for almost 3 hours.

    But I didn’t feel a super close connection on an intimate level. He was there in front of me, but I didn’t feel it. It was nice, but I was nervous that I was maybe in a friend zone now.

    And for those of you following my drama – next week is our anniversary and blah blah blah so I’m not feeling super cherished.

    Anyway – then he just grabs me as I am leaving and kisses me in the sweetest way – it was TOTALLY unexpected. Now, I have been following ALL of Rori’s rules – I *never* call or text first, I wait to answer, I don’t initiate – I am not overmanaging. I have PUT DOWN THE OARS and have stopped trying to row this relationship to the shore of commitment.

    That said – I was so surprised. And then he just held me. Held me and kissed me and held me and kissed me – in the sweetest way. I was so surprised – and because I had NO EXPECTATION this would happen it made it ever the sweeter.

    Then…..he kissed my forehead and looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “I am so glad I have you in my life.”

    I paused and said “It feels good.” Because it did – all of it did – him being there, him holidng me, and me being in his life. So that’s all I said. I didn’t ramble (like I am now….LOL) and it was awesome.

    I still know I hold expectations about next week…….but baby steps right?

    Shout out to Dominique who is awesome. That moment may not have happened without you and Rori….

    Elsie

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 6:53pm

  691. 691: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Emerson – it sounds like you are on a roll – good for you for blocking someone who didn’t feel right to you on the dating website. Also thanks for the advice on the anniversary – I may take you up on that one – it was good advice. :)

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 7:06pm

  692. 692: sha-shaNo Gravatar says:

    Congratz elise that’s a huge step for u……I been following ur story and it is truely inspiring to me :)

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 7:08pm

  693. 693: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    My cd is about to break up with me

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 7:18pm

  694. 694: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I had a terrible evening

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 7:19pm

  695. 695: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He asked me for dinner for tonight and I was about to leave office to go to the restaurant, but something blew up and I had to stay. I texted him – sorry, a bit late. He asked – how long? I said – 15 more minutes. He replied – ‘then dinner is on you’.

    Anyway – it was after about 20 minutes that I could finally leave, so I called him. He didn’t pick up and then I got a text – I am eating at the restaurant, I can’t talk right now. About 15 mins later he texted – are you coming or I should go home? I replied – ‘I prefer to talk over the phone and I didn’t deserve rude texts. I understand if you have to be late.’ He texted back – ‘You should have offered that but you don’t have this kind of sensibility. I always show up’.

    Then he called. He asked if we can meet up and talk. I said – I feel upset, tired and hungry. If we meet I’d like to have a relaxing evening. I explained that I almost cried that I had to stay later at work, it was totally unexpected. He came to meet me in the street. Started saying that I don’t do anything for him. I said again I was cold and tired. He suggested to go to a restaurant next to my place. I said thank you. In the cab he looked angry, I asked how things at work were for him, we talked a little. When we were about to go in the restaurant I asked – are you inviting me? He said – ok, I can pay this time. I said softly – you don’t have to. Then he started saying right in the street – I don’t do anything for him, our relationship is one-sided, he doesn’t need a relationship where he has one more mouth to feed (!) I was shocked, I told him I feel attacked. He started counting times when I cooked dinner for him and said – he is always taking care of me, but I do nothing for him. I kept on saying – I feel bad, I am cold, I feel exhausted, I’d rather talk another time. He kissed me on a cheek and walked away.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 7:40pm

  696. 696: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    *Hugs Memulo*Are you okay?

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 7:46pm

  697. 697: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Have been tracking this comparison thing for a couple of hours and I feel like I’m really putting myself in a non stop rivalry. It feels exhausting and like a very tight collar on my neck.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 7:48pm

  698. 698: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Moving Magic. i guess Im ok

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:01pm

  699. 699: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Nice, now he texted: let me know when you feel like talking.

    I don’t feel like. A short break will do me good.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:19pm

  700. 700: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I feel guilty. He definitely has a point – I’m not present with him and I was in love with someone else all this time as we know too well. Still the whole thing took a very financial turn somehow in our conversation. Last weekend he said almost jokingly – why don’t you buy me dinner and I replied immediately with a smile – oh I don’t buy guys dinner. Today he kept on repeating my words and saying I don’t do anything for him, he has to pay all the time. He said a huge resentment was building up inside him that I never pay for dinner. I told him – but we talk every day and I am being asked out, why am I asked out then? I was asked out tonight too.
    I don’t know, I never make scenes like that with guys. This is the 2nd time he makes me a scene. Both times he completely ignored my feelings. I feel that I am trying to work with him, but he doesn’t care.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:37pm

  701. 701: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    It sounds like you handled everything very well! Good for taking care of yourself!

    And, the quick anger when you needed to stay twenty minutes late feels really bad to me when you did text him to let him know.

    Based on many things you say about this cd, kind of wonder if at some point you will let him go…some space sounds ideal to consider your thoughts and feelings!

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:43pm

  702. 702: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    Have you done the Rori thing about how you just want to spend time with him and it doesn’t have to cost anything or if it does it could be very little. But, you don’t feel comfortable paying, that it doesn’t feel romantic to you?

    Taking a walk, an art gallery or opening, free nights at museums, a coffee or hot chocolate…

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:47pm

  703. 703: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    One more mouth to feed.. He buys me dinner once or twice a week.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:49pm

  704. 704: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starbright,

    A lot less frequently compared to him but I do take him out, get tickets to a show, take him to a museum. I gave him Vday gift.

    I shouldn’t speak bad about him. Except for these scenes he is usually very nice to me. He always pays me a lot of compliments, he does take me out to nice restaurants. It’s true I don’t feel as free to always order what I want with him. I did bring a lot of nice treats to his place and now when I want something sweet he serves me my own desserts;) When I say I want a chocolate he gives me one chocolate.. when I say I want a cookie he gives me one cookie.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 8:57pm

  705. 705: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    The big thing is: How do you feel when you are with him?

    I think I’ve only read about the things he does for you rather than how you actually feel with him.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 9:20pm

  706. 706: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    And do you share your feelings when you are with him? That warm. soft, happy self?…Being yourself and sharing your feelings with a man is really your gift to him. That’s what he is courting you to get (as well as the physical!)

    And, the feelings as you know can be about anything. They don’t have to be about him.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 9:25pm

  707. 707: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Elsie and glad you liked my suggestion. I just know in my family so many times we cannot get together on “the” date so we have to compromise ….

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 10:55pm

  708. 708: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo I’m sorry you experienced that !! Very rude of him.

    Thursday, 28 February 2013 @ 11:51pm

  709. 709: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Memulo – I’ve been following your whole story. Its ok you were in love with someone else- you never treated this guy rudely – and it sounds like you don’t feel good when you are with him. Frankly, he sounds kind of like a jerk to me. Who yells at someone because they are late and that it is out of their control. And frankly, guys should WANT to pay – that is them providing for us. I don’t pay on dates. I just don’t. Once in a while I will offer to buy popcorn at the movies after the tickets are bought, or make a dinner for someone – but I don’t pay on dates…..it doesn’t feel right. And it clearly didn’t feel right to you either. This guys reaction to a normal situation of you having to work late is really questionable….

    I’m sorry you are going through this……it sounds like you are having a rough time…..

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 1:41am

  710. 710: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, this feels bad to me. When a man turns his disappointment (that you were late) into an attack (that you SHOULD pay ) and a passive aggressive action (walking away) then i see red lights flashing. I like that you did not give way and reach for your wallet.

    I am always stuck on the pay thing. In my country I feel i need to share the costs after a couple of dates with guys who dont earn what i do . i always felt best with men who insist on paying and cooked for them after 4-5 dates on average.

    Once had a fantastic man who insisted on paying AND cooking for me once we were lovers as he said I worked too hard and had enough stress in my life..it felt fantastic for a year..but he did a Houdini..

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 2:36am

  711. 711: CrushNo Gravatar says:

    I was pleased to read your post Elsie. I dont see why guys dont resort to sharing a simple sentiment more often. A few words can often change your whole day.

    After I sent my text to my guy asking that he reconsider leaving the lines of communication open between us, which I sent at 1pm, I was quite surprised when I heard his ringtone play on my phone at 4:03. I answered but once he realized i was working 9-5 instead of 8-4 he said “oh i will call you back at 5.” He texted a few words telling me what he was doing and at 8 he wrote that he was heading into town. I replied ok drive safe.

    I also dont think theres anything wrong with acknowleging your one year date. Call it the date you recall taking things to the next level anniversary. Of course i wouldnt expect him to remember it at this time but if its the date you set to celebrate as YOUR date i bet next year he will.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:03am

  712. 712: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you sirens. I should say that he normally makes me feel safe and wanted. I can’t complain that I feel bad in his presence.

    I would have cooked for him but lately I’ve been working crazy hours, often weekends too. He was away a lot lately and didn’t have to buy me dinner;) This past weekend we spent 2 nights together and he got his whatever, cooked one bfast for me and bought me dinner at a decent but inexpensive place. I was rushing to services and he insisted that we meet for dinner prior to that. I came back to his place after services.

    On the weekend he told me that he can’t imagine to ever not be attracted to me or like me (and that was after bfast). Not sure what happened to make him want to get into an argument with me. Maybe another woman, maybe he talked to a sympathizing friend. He said yesterday that he had a very stressful day at work. But his last text and his behavior felt pretty cold to me, so he either made the decision to break up already or he is in the process. He is going away this weekend again with his son, I probably won’t reply to his text. So this will be it unless he calls me himself.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:09am

  713. 713: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He earns significantly more than I do.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:17am

  714. 714: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “THat is quite a list of dont do’s. I honestly think I could only pull that off flawlessly if I was in a coma .” Linda 678 I am cracking up. That newsletter was an eye opener, trust me. I first saw it shortly after Disappearing ex disappeared. “The social director of the relationship.” I crack up every time I read this part. That was me alright. In fact when I read the newsletter and saw all that would push men away, initiating emails and that long list, I was guilty of some of them. Didn’t realize I was chasing. I was shocked. When I told my two sisters, they were shocked too, especially my sister overseas.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:42am

  715. 715: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – Oh YAY!!! Happy Dance. You made my day!!!

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:11am

  716. 716: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – The sense I get from what you write here is that’s it’s not about the money. K focuses on money when he’s feeling stressed, and I have come to recognize this and not ignore it, yet I don’t put to much energy into it either.

    Something is going on with your man.

    That said, I don’t think he treated you very well. Even when stressed, this seems like out of line behavior. And I feel more concern over not waiting to eat with you. The rest is just a bunch of blah blah, hurtful blah, blah, yes, yet it’s the actions that speak more loudly to me.

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:20am

  717. 717: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, thank you. He is right in a sense that I don’t treat him with passion (my words, not his). I am always kind to him though and I treat him with respect and appreciation. He was complaining a lot about money. I don’t know why he blew up like this last night. I reminded him that there were a couple of times when he was late 25-30 mins and I waited for him.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:36am

  718. 718: Memulo says:

    He was really angry. He looked at me with such anger. And I didn’t do anything. Was trying to stay calm and reason with him

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:43am

  719. 719: ViNo Gravatar says:

    (((triggered Goddess Memulo)))

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:43am

  720. 720: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thankful.. I feel sleepy and don’t feel like typing much so today I choose to be thankful unconditionally for another day of my life and everyone else who was a part of it.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:52am

  721. 721: Memulo says:

    Ok so let’s say it’s my fault this happened. He was rude to me last night, buy it is my fault this happened.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 6:23am

  722. 722: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, it sounds like your cd knows deep within him that you are just not that into him & maybe that is where the anger is coming from.

    No matter, the way he acted is unacceptable.

    It also sounds like maybe he is used to women doing for him, chasing, overfunctioning. And there is probably something inside him that knows that isn’t what he wants yet he’s stubbornly holding onto that & it’s creating a battle inside of him that he isn’t even aware of.

    This is a man to learn a lesson from – NOT a forever man. He has much growing to do.

    Your forever man will happily wait for you when you are late.

    And then he will take even greater care of you because you were stuck late at work. He will say, “oh you have to work late? Then we will have to make dinner extra special for you.” Then he will take you home, wrap you in his arms, kiss your face, massage your shoulders and cherish the heck out of you.”

    That’s what your forever man does. Because you deserve that.

    ((Memulo)

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:07am

  723. 723: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @677 k2012 – I feel so moved by you sticking to your boundaries regarding sex.

    I love Rori, Dominique, FW, so many women here and know from the bottom of my heart that their desire is to help and heal women regarding the sensitive issue of sexuality.

    However, some things I have read here has felt AWFUL to read.

    Talking explicitly about sex as unmarried virgin, waiting for my husband, feels shocking, scary, shaky, wrong, twisted, and not good in my tummy.

    I posted a link somewhere higher up in this particular thread, and I’ll post it again here, with a woman with views much like all the beautiful, wonderful women here, however, with what I believe is a more correct view of sexuality.

    She has an honest blog for both single and married women, and shares the same beliefs about feminine and masculine energy.

    I HIGHLY recommend reading material and I wish all the best for you!!

    http://peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/expectations/

    I feel so nervous about saying all that I just said, because I truly love Rori and Dominique so much, and am so thankful for them there aren’t words to express the extent of my gratitude.

    but one thing they’ve taught me is to be AUTHENTIC, and I truly believe, from the bottom of my heart, that sex was meant to be saved, experienced, and enjoyed between one MARRIED man and one MARRIED woman for life.

    I love you, ladies!!!

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:13am

  724. 724: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo forget guilt and fault when it comes to your relationships. This is the choice I have made. Each relationship interaction is about learning. Learning about oneself, the other person and what the relationship needs to expand into more love. I felt icky reading about the interaction yet I choose to believe that each person is doing the best they can in each moment. One of the best things I believe you can do for yourself here is to be honest with yourself and wonder if this type of thing keeps popping up in the future if you will be able to live with it. He will be himself and if this is a reflection of part of his shadow personality then it will reappear until he is able to heal himself if he can. Can you live with it if he remains this way?

    Looking at how you contributed to the situation is a great place to look is my opinion but only for the value of the lesson. Not for beating yourself up. Life is about experiences. Value the lesson in the experience.

    Being authentic would be looking at the part of you that is rejecting him. Maybe speaking about your feelings, particularly the first incident when you might have gotten stuck. Remember he can likely feel what is going on under the surface inside of you and maybe the poor man has been working to make you his “the one” against his better judgement based on what he feels. Remember they too tend to want what they can’t have. Remember most men, come the 6 month mark, start to become real, take down their masks and also start to see you as a real human being with needs. I say be honest with yourself.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:28am

  725. 725: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    You know the things that I am reading that Memulo has been posting causes me to wonder. I have had this sorta lurking around in my mind .

    Her CD says… (you dont do anything for me). Yes, we sirens lean back, receive ETC… now add in the lists of dont do’s (the one posted in (649)

    I get that in this situation Memulo admittidly is not “Feeling IT’ with this particular man and that greatly affects our VIBE…a major contributing factor in this particular case….but…

    Honestly, I can see a man feeling that nothing is done for him. I certainly dont want my FavoriteCD to feel this way… ever… so how about a list of DO’s…WHere is the balance?

    THat would help me so much!

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:29am

  726. 726: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 718 – Maybe it was because he was sensing your inauthenticity. Memulo even your words for the most part feels surgical. Like a cold fish with no emotions. There is no high no low. No thrills, no spills. Just like a steady litany from an outside observer narrating a monotony. It’s like there is no passion at all on either end.

    I believe this is my best effort so far to express how I experience your words. I do believe though that this is not the real you. It is like you are numbed down. I dunno maybe doing some kind of therapy that could get you touching your real emotions might get you angry enough to start throwing some chairs. Rather than going through life like a frozen zombie walking around with your hands sticking out.

    I just cannot be convinced that this is the real you yet.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:35am

  727. 727: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Linda I believe relationship is a dance. The DONT’S in 649 is relative prior to getting into a relationship or while the man is testing. I believe he tests to get clear on how he wants to be with a particular woman. The dance also includes missteps (DONT’S) which I believe will never push away a man who wants to be with you. I believe a mature man will initiate a discussion where we get to learn what he is comfortable with so that we can change our steps. I also do believe that our intuition will get us if we trust ourselves, so that we know intuitively how to adjust based on the vibe we are getting from the man.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:40am

  728. 728: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @711 – You are so right – a few words can change a whole day….

    @Iamabutterfly – I am SO GLAD you decided you were safe enough to share that here – we all have our own paths – I’m proud of you! :)

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:45am

  729. 729: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Dominique and others

    Wait…..the story gets better…..

    This morning he comes over to me out of the blue and says…..I have to apologize. I’m like, what in the world are you talking about – and he said that yesterday he was snippy with me. Umm……ok, I didnt think he was snippy AT ALL….but he said he was thinking about it all night and he felt bad about a few things he said – ok, seriously he was NOT snippy at all – he just had a different opinion…

    But I said thank you and then it gave me the opportunity to tell him this:

    You have never given me a reason to doubt you emotionally. I feel emotionally safe with you and I know you would never do anything intentionally to hurt me. You are going through a really hard time right now, but I want you to know that at least emotionally – I always give you the benefit of the doubt – you have earned that from me.

    He almost lost it in front of me….It was awesome. :)

    Now, some of that is not true in the sense that sometimes I dont feel emotionally safe around him but that is only because of MY ISSUES not anything to do with him.

    I also told him that women have a tendency to say that men misbehave and dont act as they are supposed to and are insensitive – I’m learning this from the Queens Code – and that when they misbehave we say they are insensitive….but as compared to WHAT? ….. WOMEN. They are insensitive as compared to women. But that is true…..

    because men are not hairy women. LOL They are men. They are totally different than us. So its useless to compare them to what the perfect woman would do or say because that is simply not them.!!!!

    Now that things are going so well again, I wonder if I SHOULD??? bring up the anniversary? Maybe to give us a chance to celebrate?

    Thoughts from any of you?

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:51am

  730. 730: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – However, some things I have read here has felt AWFUL to read.

    To me to my dear.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:52am

  731. 731: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Expressing true emotions can feel sticky, shaky, scary…so many things. Yet, everytime I’ve opened up in an authentic, sometimes bone rattling way it’s brought true awareness & healing. When someone truly loves you/cares about you, they won’t walk away. It almost always causes them to close in on the gap.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:52am

  732. 732: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie you come across as the type of person who tend to “always” bring up stuff like the anniversary. If so then that would be a pattern. How about focussing on trying to change that instead. Go around believe that love is there and that you are trusting him to do this without having to specifically bring it up. The opportunity might just present itself. Even that last discussion, I am thinking that maybe you could have said “since ______________date that we’ve been together………………………” and share your experience of him and how much you appreciate him being there.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 8:40am

  733. 733: Memulo says:

    I am not sure if I need to rush and respond to him. He is leaving with his son in a couple of hours

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 8:40am

  734. 734: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    What would you be responding to anyways?

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 8:54am

  735. 735: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    I had a date with AttentiveCd last night. I feel adored when I’m with him. He’s always feeling in the space between us. At dinner last night, his arm was on the back of my chair, his hand reaching for mine while we walked through the city. He’s started future talking a bit & I’m doing nothing to try to push the talk into action. My intention is to stay leaned back & focused on myself.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 8:55am

  736. 736: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    MovingMagic there is a feelization that I got from Arielle Ford that I do daily. Part of it she walks you through focussing on your heart and bring up a past experience of love. When I bring it up of a man hugging and holding me, what I feel in my body is full on tingles like an overwhelming ocean. The memory of it is of me “melting” whike ohhing and ahhing while at the same time telling him how it feels good. And it really felt good. The kicker is that as I do this visualization/feelingization/heart lock in I felt my body involuntarily jerk in different places. Each time is like it get clearer and clearer and what I learned about myself was that my body was reacting to my wanting to push the love away. It became clear to me that I was afraid and though I wanted it, I was pushing it away. Today my inner guidance showed me that it was like a preemptive strike. Like my belief was that it won’t last so I am pushing it away first. It made no logical sense to me but I was sure that was what my body was telling me so I started talking to my inner child. I am still puzzled about how to share this type of thing with people, especially men but one thing I feel deep in my bones and it is that there is something about my experience of love that I need to change. Even with going over the past experience I have to learn to relive it like a new experience and choose to melt into myself and accept what was being offered. During the experience the thought/belief bubbled up “you poor girl” and like a light went off “could this be affecting your money reality”?

    Now I feel like a lunatic. All I know is that it seems I have a lot of work to do for myself.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 9:07am

  737. 737: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    *Filling. Not feeling. Though fitting mistake. Hehe

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 9:07am

  738. 738: JewelNo Gravatar says:

    I met a man and was able to really open up and share my feelings with him; we were really connecting on an emotional level to the point that he was confessing to me things about himself that were obviously painful for him to talk about. He lives out of state and honestly I felt that when he left I would not hear from him ; but I did – for a month he texted and called and told me he was coming back to my state for work for a few months. I was happy, but then he started to pull back with his feelings but kept me well informed of his geography and when he arrived. He wanted me to come to him when he got here. I went to him the first time he was here for about a week which I justified but I told him this time ; I feel like you expect me to chase you, that’s not me…” Anyway he didn’t call or come after that. ” three weeks past , I did not call or text. Then he sent me a text ; “hope ur
    no photohealing( I had surgery) I just wanted . to say hi”. I didn’t respond bc I thought it was a feeler to see if I would tolerate his behavior. I won’t. I really care for this man but I felt if he cares he will make a better effort . It’s been 10 days since his text. Am I wrong not yo respond? There wasn’t much of an opening to express myself with his crappy text, so I’m letting the tension build . Advice would be nice- rori advice please

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 9:16am

  739. 739: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Jewel, Welcome, and sounds to me like he saw you as an attractive “friend” – not as a lifepartner, as you did. Can you just forget about him and Circular Date? Love, Rori

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 9:41am

  740. 740: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Wow FeminineWoman, thank you for sharing that about yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever read a post where you’ve written so candidly about yourself. Have you ever worked with heart opening excercises? I mean physical exercises such as Camel pose in yoga? I spent about 6 months focused on heart opening a few years ago & it was life changing. Talk about dark nights of the soul! So many ghosts came to surface during that time & so many tears were shed. It’s what really pushed me toward the healing I’m experiencing now. There will always be healing taking place in my life…I’ve found a sense of peace in that. Life is a fragile place & we’re all a part of that place.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 9:48am

  741. 741: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    When AttentiveCd went in for a hug last night, I felt myself melt & a small sigh escaped my lips. Touch is so healing. <3 <3

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 9:49am

  742. 742: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – once I started experiencing the jerks… First moon of last year… I let them express more n more n my Kundalini awoke last month (the jerks were kundalini flashes)

    And now I also make resonant sounds from my heart and can EAT my feelings (like food, little energy packets come up on the string under my tongue after my resonant noises/heart song)

    And now I’m getting even more consciousness

    All the ‘crazy’ is the healing … I want to know all about what you discover and feel…

    The split in consciousness of the sisters is finally healing through the heart… And life consciousness having followed man into death is back to consciousness/surface of the Earth with knowledge of self as Fire/Star power !

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:14am

  743. 743: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    And with Love !

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:15am

  744. 744: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Daria most of that went “over my head”. Hopefully some day it will sink it.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:21am

  745. 745: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Burnt Toast
    Author: Unknown

    When I was a kid, my Mom liked to cook food and every now & then I remember she used to cook for us. One night in particular when she had made dinner after a long hard day at work, Mom placed a plate of bread jam and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I was waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt toast. But Dad just ate his toast and asked me how was my day at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember I heard Mom apologizing to dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Honey, I love burned toast.” Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she was really tired. And besides, A burnt toast never hurts anyone but harsh words do!” You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I’ve learned over the years, is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don’t.
    ENJOY LIFE NOW.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:21am

  746. 746: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:23am

  747. 747: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    T Dub

    But in the LONG RUN you NEVER win a man’s heart, devotion and commitment through his ego.

    So what should she do?

    What’s the cure?

    How can she turn it around? Fast!

    The BIG SECRET==> Stop focusing and worrying about how he sees HER…and shift her focus on getting to know the REAL HIM.
    The change in focus causes nearly miraculous and immediate changes.

    First, since she’s focusing on getting to know him, she feels much less self conscious about herself…right?

    Second, he’s not sitting across the table wondering to himself either consciously or subconsciously asking “Why is she trying so hard? What’s she trying to hide? What am I missing?” (Yellow light triggers.)

    Third and very importantly…

    One of a guy’s core desires is for him to be able to “drop” his guard and know that you still approve, like and love him.

    His desire for you to love the REAL HIM is one of four
    of his triggers to full devotion and enthusiastic commitment.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:28am

  748. 748: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – Reasoning with an angry man or upset man or depressed man doesn’t work. It tends to make things worse.

    So you nod and say yes or I’m sorry or both. And have a look inside to see if maybe there isn’t a bit of truth in his words.

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:30am

  749. 749: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – 723 – I feel thankful for your openness and honest and courage in speaking your truth.

    Yet this is YOUR truth. This is what feels good to you. And this truly is beautiful, for YOU and maybe for others too.

    There are other truths around this subject and many other subjects.

    And they are no less valid or real or correct to the ones holding these truths.

    There is so much room is this vast and gorgeous universe for all of us and for each of use to follow the path which feels best to the individual.

    Sending love.

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:35am

  750. 750: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Eek I feel worried that exoticCD is going to poof!! So what if he does !?!?? But…. I felt good with him and I want more….
    I have been keeping busy with talking to other. CDs and working etc so trying not to put the piney energy out there….
    But I really don’t want him to poof. We have so much in common I got excited. We also made out on our second date kinda crazy (was so fun though) and I am now questioning if that was a mistake ??!! I don’t think so but I’m wondering why exoticCD has cooled off with his contact…. Maybe he sees me online on the dating site but who cares we are not a couple ?!
    These are all the things I’m not supposed to be worrying bout I know Rori !!! But I’m just venting and need some perspective….

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:42am

  751. 751: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Linda – 725 – As Femininewoman pointed out though she was referring to something else, it’s in your energy, and if you are enjoying the man, feeling and showing appreciation for him and what he does, this is the hugest part of his happiness. Seeing a warm and happy, loving smile beaming from your every pore when you see him,, eyes glowing. This makes him feel huge.

    Yet as the the relationship progresses and you feel inspired to cook for him or buy him a doo dad or whatever you feel inspired to do, and you can do this for him with NO expectation of something back, maybe not even a thank you, then do for him.

    You can experiment with this, and you will begin to feel when you venture over into over functioning territory.

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:42am

  752. 752: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – 729 – I feel a whole lot of expectation building in you again. How about enjoying these moments instead, REALLY reveling in them, loving them, feeling great about them.

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:44am

  753. 753: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lamabutterfly – Here’s some Daria thoughts:

    I bet when you take that sex belief and talk about it (even in your head) referring to only Yourself and your desires for only You (rather than the hypothetical man and woman or the world) … A lot of things will become clearer. Including the secret message of healing in that that you want to give to the world…

    I feel curious to be able to hear, get and see the soul of that message and receive and delight in it

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 10:48am

  754. 754: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, I’ve never regretted a make out session with a man. They feel fun to me & like a great way to connect. I have never heard a guy friend say “We made out on the first date & I thought less of her.” Hehe. ;)

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:02am

  755. 755: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens I have a question /comment and would like your feedback…
    About three times I’ve told men that I feel impressed that they are hard workers and that it turns me on that they work so hard etc…
    This is after they’ve told me of a hard day at work or that they had to work late/extra… And their reaction had been strange.
    I said it to recycledCD way back when and he promptly got off the phone acting akward.
    I said it to blueCD and he seemed puzzled, but didn’t text negatively necessarily…
    I said it to exoticCD and he replies by saying”oh so I should work more? Good to know lol” I felt like I had to do damage control and explain so I said well actually I respect hard work but there is a time for work and time for play…

    Have any sirens told a man something similar and what was their reaction? I thought men were supposed to like that but are they so used to a “shared success” with women that two are out of touch with their hunter /provider instinct? I don’t know what to think about it all…

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:06am

  756. 756: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks moving magic!

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:10am

  757. 757: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @749 Dominique – You always have a soft, thoughtful answer to me no matter what I say, and I can’t thank you enough for that.

    again, I feel nervous…

    but, it is my belief that there is ONE truth.

    and I believe that that ONE truth is so vast, so perfect, so completely wonderful, solid, and unchangeable that it is PERFECT for EVERY diverse human being and living thing on this complex and beautiful earth.

    and I believe I spoke from that one truth above.

    I feel like I’m soaring…

    Sending you so much love back…

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:22am

  758. 758: Memulo says:

    He asked me to let him know when I feel like talking

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:24am

  759. 759: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm…it’s all practice Emerson. Maybe try a different response next time. Perhaps a simple “Awww. I’m sorry baby.”? Less can be more. :)

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:25am

  760. 760: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @753 Daria – Thank you so much for your thoughts. still, I believe with all my heart, head, soul, entire being that what I said above is just a small, intricate part of that “secret message of healing” that you refer to…

    Hope that made sense, but if it doesn’t, I feel so warm and heard and connected to feel you reaching out to me and willing to discuss this openly and respectfully…

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:26am

  761. 761: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    I am trying to love the unhappy feelings of instability.

    My man, after yelling in my face yesterday, is now making me a vegetable broth for dinner, because I have a cold (and because I cooked earlier).

    I can’t shake the expectation that there will be a backlash. He seldom does something for me without begrudging it later. I don’t seem to be his priority very often.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:31am

  762. 762: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel terrified and empowered, but believe that I have that secret message of healing in J3s3s Ch1st.

    Love you, ladies.

    Don’t get mad at me! :)

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:32am

  763. 763: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    I’ve heard Rori talk about this, and I think all you need to do is go a step further into your feelings, saying something like “Your muscles feel so pumped and sexy when you’ve been working, and I feel so feminine and special wrapped up in your arms The smell of your sweat makes me feel like dropping my panties…” etc!!

    Something that engages the senses. Feeling messages that let him feel how hot you are for him in your body. He’ll get hot too!

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:38am

  764. 764: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Saffronsweet – can you identify any time in the past that something might have happened or you said something that suggested he owes you a debt because you did something for him? Calling in a relationship debt? Like maybe “I helped you to other day with………………..”.

    Anyone will feel resentful if they feel obligated to do anything.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:44am

  765. 765: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    So you feel like talking now Memulo?

    Or do you feel obligated to reach out because you know they are leaving?

    Or because you feel you owe him something?

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:47am

  766. 766: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!

    Rough week, my daughter had a fever from last Friday until yesterday. I’ve been working short hours, running her to the dr. getting scripts, taking my little one to her activities and school… kind of a crazy week. I’m so glad it’s Friday and my weekend is pretty open, so I can REST. I feel exhausted mentally and physically. She was very ill, and is still recuperating. I feel quite sad for parents with seriously ill children. I don’t know how they maintain that pace, and also worry, yet go on with their daily lives.

    In other news, I have been so busy and distracted by my daughter’s illness… my vibe shiften completely away from all men. Sweetheart is definitely trying hard to get my attention, to make plans to see me, his vibe is very different. I’ve heard from a few amazing sounding men on POF, which, I’ve taken quite some time getting back to… AND, the one guy didn’t have a picture posted, wanted my email, etc. I simply replied that I don’t feel comfortable sharing my email (Nor did I want to take the time to create a new one) and that he could post a private picture and email it to me there. I forgot all about him, next day, he emailed me with a pic that he posted especially for me. We’ve emailed a bit, he sounds good, picture perfect of all I’d be looking for… which, maybe my more specific details to my universe box, have helped!
    Tom also emailed and wants to see me this weekend. I said I’d have to get back to him. :) It feels kind of fun to really not care about pleasing any of them right now, as in leaning forward or doing something I don’t really want to do.

    My anniversary party for my dad and step mom last weekend was wonderful. I had such a great time with my family. Oh, I feel really blessed.

    Annie, in the last article you asked about the universe box.

    The idea is to take a box, it can be pretty and decorative, or simple… I have a fancy italian music box by my bed and a paperclip box on my desk, and you write simple wishes or requests for the universe. Since I started doing mine, I’ve gotten most. The largest was the house, which at the time, I never really thought would happen. Then I had a love/lust type relationship with Mr. Conversation. Next was the new car, another impossibility it seemed at the time. I asked for True Love, which Sweetheart fell in love with me quite quickly, yet, I saw that I wasn’t specific enough, it’s not just love I want… but a strong relationship that is mutually satisfying. The other items in the box are a raise and to lose weight. In this economy, I feel lucky to keep my job… so hoping to find additional money in other ways. Losing weight, that’s all me… but the universe has provided some friends/co-workers who are having success… and it’s motivating.

    I guess it all is pretty simple to manifesting. What I like about this… is I put it out there, it’s in the box, and go on with life… yet these things are happening for me. I also did a vision board, and Mr. Conversation, looks almost exactly like the guy on my page. I also had a house and a car and starlit skies, all sorts of things that did happen for me. I’m a visual person, so that all really helps me focus and stay positive. I think I’ll make a new one this weekend! :) I’d love a beautiful garden with a water feature, a porch… oh to manifest a carpenter and a landscaper as my next romantic match… ;)

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:51am

  767. 767: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose I wouldn’t do that with a new CD. More with someone I have history with. To me it feels masculine and like coming on to a man to talk about his body parts like that.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:55am

  768. 768: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks April rose i like your words I feel turned on reading it hahha lol..

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:57am

  769. 769: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I would include someone who has his finances organized too.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 11:59am

  770. 770: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I did… this new guy, not that it means his are… but his job in in finance. :) We shall see how it pans out. I need a name for him, but don’t know enough about him yet.

    Oh, your consider best intentions idea, about when something starts as a disagreement, worked fabulously last night with C. PERFECT. He even texted me later to apologize and said he knew I was doing everything I could for our daughter. It wasn’t even a fight. He made a sort of smart remark and I calmly shared my side of it, considered that he wasn’t my enemy, no reason to get upset, and left it at that.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 12:09pm

  771. 771: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    769 fw I see your point yes… Not so much with new CDs.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 12:32pm

  772. 772: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    ExoticCD texted me but the conversation is boring and he’s not asking me out. Blah ….

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 12:33pm

  773. 773: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I’m noticing I am giving him way too much artention

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 12:40pm

  774. 774: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – I asked him if he would prepare the second meal of the day, as I would prepare the first. I think that’s fair. I don’t want to be a woman who is always cooking for a man. Don’t you agree?

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 1:00pm

  775. 775: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 755 Emerson I am wondering if they take it personal and for some, as a criticism because of past experience, around spending time with you. So I am wondering how you could turn it around to appreciation/admiration. Remembering men are big on Admiration, Respect and Trust.

    “Mr. Hardworker. I admire your dedication to your purpose. I will imagine those strong arms wrapped arms my soft………..and allow warm wonderful heat to build up in my belly”. This is kinda MFiore style. Or tell him to imagine himself cuddling you in a warm embrace at the end of a rough day and the stress melting off of him like icicles in the sun. Something like this is what I would say instead of referring to his muscles as sexy. The sense of feeling powerful, to affect you in a pleasureable way and you are planting yourself in his mind having him use his imagination and appealing to the sense of touch.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 1:22pm

  776. 776: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Saffronsweet – Fair? Do you really believe you want fair in a romantic relationship?

    You asked him how? Did he have an option to choose whether he does the first or second? Or even to say no?

    This feels like room mates arrangements.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 1:24pm

  777. 777: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/how-to-keep-from-investing-in-the-first-date-if-youre-long-distance/#comment-291334

    Giving back is very different from feeling like you OWE him something.

    1. Rori Raye says:
    Ruth! You are SO getting ahead of yourself! MEET the man in person first! See and experience how he reacts to you, what the attraction is or isn’t – stop making all these plans! He’s either got to come to you, or you have to meet somewhere in the middle. For coffee and a walk. See if he wants a second date, and if you do. Go from there…I totally think a trip together with separate bedrooms is silly. If you’re not together and intimate – don’t go on a holiday together!
    And – I don’t know how old you are – but the percentage of men who’d ask a woman they haven’t slept with (had sex with) to marry them is so tiny – and I would say…”odd.” Sex comes into a relationship at a time when you feel comfortable with it – and if you’re a woman who makes hard and fast rules about sex – I’d like to encourage you to look at those, and why you feel the need to make those rules. Love, Rori

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 1:40pm

  778. 778: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    We live and work together, so meals are a constant issue. We used to take turns as a silent agreement – it just happened that way. Then he stopped reciprocating.
    So, what do I do? Prepare a meal just for myself at those times?
    I feel confused about this. And annoyed.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 2:11pm

  779. 779: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – I feel sad and helpless that we have become roommates when once we were delightful romantic partners.
    I’m looking at my choices here.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 2:42pm

  780. 780: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, don’t you want fair or reciprocation in a romantic relationship? It can be a touchy subject, I’m wondering what the best way to bring it up would be? Maybe something like, oh sweetie, I have been craving your spaghetti sauce all day. It’s just so delicious. Any chance you’ll make that again soon?

    Saffron, I feel for you. I did ALL. The cooking in my marriage. There is a movie called About Ladt Night with Rob Lowe and Demi Moore. I liked their arrangement. 2 nights a week she cooked, 2 nights he cooked, 2 nights they’d go out and they had sandwich night. :) maybe rent that movie and say, what a great plan? Maybe we could try that. What do you think?

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 3:02pm

  781. 781: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson…. I don’t believe men want to be loved for how hard they work…. Maybe that comes across as wanting someone to take care of us, which maybe can raise a red flag? I think men are worried about being taken advantage of. When I compliment a man on his work ethic I try to say something like…,

    Wow, I’ really admire how hard you work to provide for your family. It’s really wonderful to see your dedication to them.

    Or… Wow, I don’t know anyone else who could do your job the way you do! You really amaze me!!

    Or maybe even…. I can’t imagine having such a stressful career. I don’t know that I could do a job like that. It’s really inspiring to hear about what you do.

    So none of that is really about me or what his hard work could do for me. Even the you being turned on… Does that mean someday, if he chooses to retire or take a lesser job, you’d be turned off?

    Just my ideas. Usually I get a really positive reaction though when I say something like that.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 3:14pm

  782. 782: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – :)

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 3:25pm

  783. 783: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Saffronsweet – 774 – Relationships are not about tit for tat. They are about flow, and a good relationship will just flow into who does what when, and this will depend on the individual strengths at one thing or another.

    If there are tasks neither particularly relish, then either negotiation might be necessary or make it easy, hire someone.

    I cook almost all the meals, and I don’t mind a bit. I have a flexible schedule, and I work from home. He doesn’t plus he has a long commute right now.

    And if I don’t feel like cooking, we order in.

    If your man has a specialty, you can ask for it as Turquoise suggested, eg. “I would so love to taste your…..You make it so yummy.”

    If you both have busy schedules, then have some healthy frozen meals on hand maybe.

    As for fair, what does this mean? Who is to say what’s fair? If something doesn’t feel good, and it becomes a pattern, then you speak up. If you cannot talk about it with him, then maybe this relationship needs rethinking.

    Ultimately you need to ask yourself if you love and accept this man exactly as he right now, even if nothing ever changes.

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 3:40pm

  784. 784: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – thank you. I will rent that movie and see if he’ll watch it with me. Although even a simple suggestion such as “Honey, I’ve got this movie. Wanna watch it with me?” has me feeling fearful of his rejection.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:10pm

  785. 785: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I missed u.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:14pm

  786. 786: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique – thank you. I’m feeling wary of his temper today, after his explosive outburst yesterday.
    I’m aware that this man keeps his anger inside mostly, and is prone to depression.
    So in a way I’m grateful I could ‘facilitate his anger’.
    The downside is I’m frightened of the next outburst and not knowing when it will come.

    Something about this has me thinking “Is this what it was like the first time my father was angry and displeased with me?” Like it has triggered the memory of a very early childhood shock.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:15pm

  787. 787: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    If you share the TV then maybe check if a specific to is okay for YOU to watch the movie.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:17pm

  788. 788: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – Turquoise asked you a question and I feel curious to hear your answer.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:35pm

  789. 789: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Saffronsweet – I feel for you around the fear of anger. I don’t remember having had anger around me as a child though it might have been there just not necessarily directed at me. My ex was volatile, angry all the time, and it frightened me very much though I didn’t fear for my physical safety.

    You likely know that this is a sign of old unresolved issues, and until/unless he deals with this either through a facilitator or on his own, it’s unlikely to change.

    And you likely know that there’s nothing you can do to help him. It’s not your job.

    You CAN continue to work on you, and maybe he will find some healing for himself in this. And if it gets too much, then you might want to remove yourself from it if it feels really bad.

    Or you can say something like – “The loudness (or angry energy in here) feels too much for me. It feels bad/uncomfortable/scary, and I have a hard time hearing you when it feels like this. I want to be able to hear you.”

    From here you can either ask him for his help with this, my preferred and suggested way, or you can leave the room, asking to talk later when things feel calmer.

    xxoo

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:44pm

  790. 790: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    781 thanks turquoise
    Yes I see what you’re saying. I think I will opt out of any comments about work in the future …. I can’t seem to get it right and maybe people read into things. I wish I had not said that to exoticCD….
    Oh well. Live and learn.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:53pm

  791. 791: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Saffronsweet I believe Dominique answered the “fair” question eloquently

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 4:54pm

  792. 792: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    “Something about this has me thinking “Is this what it was like the first time my father was angry and displeased with me?” Like it has triggered the memory of a very early childhood shock.”

    If you lean back, follow your feelings and follow Roris commitment blueprint, any old trauma will come up.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:23pm

  793. 793: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    *follow the steps of committing blueprint.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:24pm

  794. 794: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    shock.

    This word is coming up a lot in my life at the moment.

    This feels like something big to me. A key to another door.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:26pm

  795. 795: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    In milder forms from surprise right across rainbow to the other side which would be complete and utter terror.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:28pm

  796. 796: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    And breath!

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:28pm

  797. 797: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Gosh are some things buried so deep and locked away inside us because discovering them just would be too much to handle.
    Will I really be alright no mater what.

    What keeps coming up.
    Must remember to breath.
    Must remember to breath.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 5:32pm

  798. 798: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    736 FW…. you wrote what I learned about myself was that my body was reacting to my wanting to push the love away. It became clear to me that I was afraid and though I wanted it, I was pushing it away. …..like a preemptive strike. Like my belief was that it won’t last so I am pushing it away first.

    I am encountering this same thing. I know it affects my vibe and keeps me from fully enjoying and connecting. I experience a similar thing when I play piano and sing in the presence of others. I am not fully connected to it like I am when I am alone playing and singing. I feel concern that I will make a mistake and there is competition inside, to pay attention to what I am doing instead of connecting and enjoying what I love to do at the piano. It becomes a huge battle inside to focus and enjoy…

    The goal here is to be fully present… open, receive and enjoy the moment. Like a sponge soaking up water. I often wonder what my dog is thinking when he is soaking up the love and attention that I lavish on him. I bet his not worried that I wont do it again.

    Some inner adjusting is in order for me as well. I want to be “FULL IN”….and present enjoying in each moment of life/love, not be preoccupied with the possibility of it not lasting!

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 6:36pm

  799. 799: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel discouraged and like all of this is useless. When he contacts me I might have to tell him this. I feel like its been too long and this is not what I want. I want someone in my life that is there as a friend in the least. Someone I can feel safe with. I guess as time goes on i’m realizing he will never step up and I am not that into him …

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 6:39pm

  800. 800: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    All this hurts so much ! Too much but I have no clue how to tell him all of this ….

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 6:41pm

  801. 801: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I’m so confused and unsure I feel so bad about this.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 6:42pm

  802. 802: k2012No Gravatar says:

    723-Lamabutterfly. Thanks so much for your kind words. Good evening ladies. I am so happy its Friday. I am just chilling at home here. Hope I don’t feel too tired like how I felt last week Saturday when I slept for half of the day. I was exhausted. Let me ask u something? Why some men love to ask women to call them? I was thinking of Rori’s email about no chasing in which she states that we must not call them. Of course this must be when the relationship is new and when they have not committed to u as yet. Why do some of them love to ask us to call them? I am remembering Overseas cd who I called only once and Longtime ex. Longtime ex said to me when I called him, “I told u to call me and u didn’t.” I said,”I have been busy.” What’s wrong with him. What he want me to call him for? Isn’t he married? I have not called back. If he does, I won’t answer. One day, if he persists I might have to tell him to focus on his wife etc. Anyway, enough of that. I haven’t heard from Overseas cd in a while since the last conversation and I am not initiating contact. I get the impression he wants me to chase him. I won’t. Especially like how I see by his actions that he is not interested. I still haven’t reached the park yet. I had to go somewhere this evening to look about some business. I hope I won’t be feeling so tired to go tomorrow. Oh boy. When I left work this evening and was waiting to go home, a nice man stopped in traffic and smiled at me.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 6:53pm

  803. 803: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I did not write him anything. My cd after an argument yesterday texted ‘Let me know when you feel like talking’ and I still didn’t reply anything. He is away for the weekend. Normally he calls every day. Should i urgently reply – we will talk when you’re back?

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:02pm

  804. 804: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    K2012, this has happened to me all the time with my current guy … he would always tell me to call … Maybe its a test if u forget to call they wonder .. but if u dont they know you’re hooked !?!

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:06pm

  805. 805: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    memulo, do what you really feel like doing :) ! But I would let him hang ! and anyways guys dont need instant replies when they send messages like let me know when …
    In my experience they only get antsy when they have free time and they want to make plans right away …

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:10pm

  806. 806: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    then again I guess im not seeing the right guy…

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:11pm

  807. 807: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Memulo – he said let me know when you feel like talking. I would do just that. I wouldnt text him with “we will talk when you get back” because maybe you wont feel like talking then. When you feel like talking I would talk to him. Per his instructions…..

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:19pm

  808. 808: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you ArabianLove and Elsie. The polite thing would be to say at least ‘ok’? I missed doing that already.

    I feel like he is on one hand going paranoid about what I may be doing tonight, on the other perhaps moving on? Since he is not contacting me either.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:33pm

  809. 809: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    751 Dominique…. THank you for your input. I truely value it.

    For the first time in my life and I feel like I am headed down the right path for me. My relationship with FavoriteCD is unfolding. He is a masculine energy man mainly… but I am noticing that he is begining to share some feeling statements with me. Like…”I miss you”…or “today was stressful at work and I dont feel secure” or “I feel very happy with you”….. I have never had a man communicate with me like this that I can ever recall. Since I am listening with my girl ears now I hear and feel him. I like this shift in me.

    Every time I see him, I genuinely am excited. There are times when I snuggle in close under his arm feel take a deep breath. It is as if that air is seeping into places that I have been closed up and untouched. It is lovely and scarey all at the same time.

    I do genuinely feel that excitement and my sheer enjoyment of this man is overriding all my fears and giving me the courage to slay my inner dragons and allow myself to open more to him.

    Tomorrow he is coming to pick me up so he can take me to meet his son who lives on college campus about an hour away. I am very excited and so pleased to be innvited deeper into his world. It feels wonderful.

    Every time I see FavoriteCD my excitement to see him is uncontainable… when he holds me, I take a deep breath, and savor it.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:44pm

  810. 810: Memulo says:

    Linda your story sounds wonderful;)

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:50pm

  811. 811: Memulo says:

    I called him twice yesterday right after he left me in the street but he didn’t pick up the phone. I didn’t leave a message. Then late at night he texted to let him know when I want to talk. My problem is that after last nights scene I feel less trust towards him. I don’t feel as protected.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:54pm

  812. 812: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Bleh I feel so weird
    ExoticCD keeps texting me about boring stuff like hi how are you etc
    But not trying to make plans with me
    I keep thinking what is wrong with me
    But I know that’s self defeating

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 7:57pm

  813. 813: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    New article/post is up :)

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 8:03pm

  814. 814: k2012No Gravatar says:

    yes Linda, your story is wonderful for true. Wishing you joy, peace and happinness with favourite cd.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 8:05pm

  815. 815: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, he probably is going crazy ! Lol

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 8:22pm

  816. 816: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Well I am going to read a chapter or 2 now of Virginia’s Clark”s book, “its never too late to marry.” That book has a good title. I suppose it would be too big to open on my phone so I am on the desktop. 804:Arabian Love, dont know what is wrong with some of them. I was planning that if Overseas cd had insisted further that I call him, I would definitely have to tell him that I dont like initiating calling, cause it feels like chasing. (wow, I have learned a lot) Trust me i would definitely tell him, but since he has cooled off and is definitely not interested, i dont need to tell him.

    But the next man who tells me that, I am going to tell him just that. I am just reflecting at how I have totally gotten over disappearing ex, my goodness. Sometimes I dont even remember him. When my sister who resides overseas and I talk, we dont even mention his name. We have totally forgotten about him. Its a long time I havent heard my sister say that he called her. My goodness. Boy, looking back to July 2012, it was really painful though. I never knew i could be over it in five short months. Give God all the glory.

    To be honest, I dont know how I would react if i saw him. I would totally ignore him. I wouldnt be saying hi to him first, trust me. If he said hi first, I would answer though but I would want no conversation with him. What i laughed about was how I ignored him on facebook when he wished me “happy birthday.” I am better off without him. One day and that day is coming soon, I will have an aweswome relationship with a man who loves me, cares for me and respects me to the max. a man who WILL marry me. After all I am the prize. We all are, ladies. I will definitely know the right man when he comes along. You know, i think I am tired of online dating. When I was on my way home this evening, I was thinking that I have interacted with three guys in a romantic way on Facebook. The first guy resided overseas and that didnt reach anywhere. Knew him before too as he attended a school in which my father was the principal so he(my father) knew him very well. He was just an aquaintance to me at that time. He claimed that I never used to speak to him. He wasnt interested as he had not healed from his divorce. When he stopped writing, disappearing ex came along who as I mentioned before was a good friend before. That developed into a relationship. And then overseas cd came along. All three were overseas. so the online dating wasnt really dating sites, it was social networking websites. But I am honestly tired of it and will go back to it when I meet guys face to face, so that I can have variety of different ways to meet men.

    Friday, 1 March 2013 @ 8:32pm

  817. 817: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – I feel annoyed. Are you saying your thoughts are exactly the same as Dominiques?
    Sometimes when I read your comments I wonder whether you truly go inside yourself for your own ideas and feelings, or if you prefer to parrot some expert or other. I wonder what the payoff is for that, and also the downside. I want to really feel YOU, not your deference to the ‘experts’.

    Sorry if I offend. This totally applies to me. It’s been such an old habit of mine to defer to gurus and teachers.

    Saturday, 2 March 2013 @ 4:48am

  818. 818: SaffronsweetNo Gravatar says:

    I intend to go deeper.

    Saturday, 2 March 2013 @ 4:48am

  819. 819: ArabianLoveNo Gravatar says:

    K2012 -816-, good for you my dear ! It only takes another guy to come along that we see as a potential and we somehow forget the others.

    Although, I was CDing before I met the guy im currently hung up on and it was good it passed time, I still got attached to this one in particular. ( I actually wasn’t aware of circular dating I just was meeting a bunch of guys at the time…) I don’t want to go back to internet dating it makes me feel icky.
    But I need to fill my time somehow so I dont feel so alone!

    Saturday, 2 March 2013 @ 5:19am

  820. 820: JewelNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Rori I have been circular dating, and practicing your tools from your book”make him fall for you “. I felt unsure about not responding to his text and wanted your advice . Thank you

    Saturday, 2 March 2013 @ 11:18am

  821. 821: MartiNo Gravatar says:

    I became a widow 2 yrs ago at the age of 62 and had not dated since 1985.Your advice on circular dating and stepping back to let the man run the relationship has really helped me navigate the murky waters of the current social scene.While not looking for another husband or even live in relationship, I feel very confident about me now and the way I present myself to prospective dates.
    thank you for your insight.Marti

    Monday, 4 March 2013 @ 10:18am

  822. 822: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Marti – Brava to YOU! Love, Rori

    Monday, 4 March 2013 @ 5:04pm

  823. 823: WendyNo Gravatar says:

    Question.. not sure which audio to order. I have been married for 25 yrs. 2 children… New Years day I found out my husband had been having an emotional affair with a woman I know. It started because she would call my husband and tell him how his friend her husband was mistreating her. So my husband started calling her and over Nov and Dec. concerned about her.. they got really close… So close they were talking or texting hrs everyday. He told me it was like she was his best friend. This hurt me so bad. He also met her a few times only to hug her and tell her eveything would be ok. Since I found out he has stopped but I can tell its been very hard for him to let go of that relationship and now he has to live with the guilt of hurting me and the kids. Its been rough. We are together but I need help drawing him more into me. Our sex life has always been good so there is no problem there. I know I am a strong woman and maybe thats the problem. But I will say he is very selfish and self centered. Its all about him… always has been. He says he loves me but I want to be his everything. And how do I get him to put my feelings before his and draw him closer to me. We have started praying together since all this happened which is a good thing… Please help me to choose which audio… to choose.

    Thursday, 7 March 2013 @ 1:49pm

  824. 824: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Wendy – Welcome, and start with the ebook, and then just get the whole collection. The price is unbelievably low – not much more than 1 hour with me on the phone or 2 programs separately – and you can just learn it all and practice it all. Just from the book, things will change fast for you – Love, Rori

    Thursday, 7 March 2013 @ 11:50pm

  825. 825: Feeling BlueNo Gravatar says:

    I had a melt-down. Now what do I do?

    I have had an ex husband cheat on me and then a six-year relationship after that as well.

    I am now engaged to a man. One day I’m feeling so much admiration for my fiancee because I feel I can really trust him and the next day it goes down the tube. It starts off with him dropping me off at his mom’s while he visits an old gal friend to mend that strained “friendship.” Then I find texts on his phone from someone he “denies” knowing but curiously enough he’s begins to hide his phone from me. All this happened in a span of two days. So I lost it, got emotional, threw a fave dress I wore for Valentine’s in the trash can when he was watching and fled the scene. He hasn’t tried to contact me, nor I him and it’s going on five days.

    Confused: Do I reach out to him because I didn’t handle the situation right or do I wait until he contacts me? If I reach out to him, is that chasing him? I’m thinking if I don’t hear back from him in a couple of weeks I will mail the engagement ring back to him.

    Any advice? I’m sad and hurting, feeling like he doesn’t care or want me anymore.

    Monday, 1 April 2013 @ 7:15pm

  826. 826: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling Blue – Welcome, and there are two things going on here. One – your reaction to your own emotions, leading to intense DRAMA (throwing away a dress and fleeing) that makes you seem unbalanced, crazy, and way too intense for most men to deal with. My guess is that this happens to you often, and that this isn’t an isolated incident (if I’m wrong, and this dress thing was the only time you’ve “lost it” that you can think of, let me know…). The second thing is that you don’t trust this man. You check his phone, he hides it. He has women friends you don’t think are just “friends” – and who also seem to have emotional relationships with him.

    All this can be fixed if you work inside yourself – because what’s happening out there, with him, and with all men – is an exact mirror of what’s happening inside YOU, and how you treat yourself. See if you can find the connection between how you treat yourself and think of yourself, and the way he’s treating you.

    Read everything you can here, work with the Tools – and if this man is not to be trusted, leave him and find a man who’s true-blue. Please be prepared for this: You have a pattern of choosing men who cheat and lie – therefore, you’re going to find a true-blue man to be boring and uninteresting and not sexy. Let’s see if we can find you something in the middle you can be happy with – and perhaps this man can be that man if you back off and start talking to yourself and him in a calmer, better way. Love, rori

    Tuesday, 2 April 2013 @ 9:20am

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