For Thanksgiving

It’s so easy to say “Be Thankful” when you’re feeling good and thankful…but I know that if you’re feeling blue…you don’t really feel like thanking anyone for anything.

When you’re not really feeling “blessed,” it’s challenging to say your blessings.

And yet – that’s the way out of the rubble.

That’s the way from the blues to the greens to the yellows, the oranges, the reds….the whole rainbow.

Here’s a simple Exercise my coach, Ryan Eliason, gave me long ago – it’s called The Three Blessings:

Before bed, simply find three things you might consider as blessings in your life, and say them.

For me, I could see my dog and say I feel blessed to have my dog near me.

I could feel blessed that I had a good dinner and a glass of water.

I could feel blessed to have a window next to the bed, so I can see green plants and flowers.

The next night, it might be three different things.

Makes no difference how big or small.

The point is just to bring your attention to something that you can think of like a blessing and that feels like a blessing (no matter what else the thought of anything at all being a blessing triggers in you).

If you try to think of the Three Blessings exercise as a way to “think positively” – you’ll trigger yourself more intensely – so try “formatting” it for yourself this way…

It’s just a way to sort of “clear the lens” you’re looking at the world through.

A way to “readjust” the projector of your perspective.

A way to “reset” your “internal viewpoint.”

A way to work with your mind, instead of focusing on your circumstances.

If you look at the exercise in this gentle way, and do it gently – you might find it kind of fun and good feeling.

For me – my first blessing is you.

The fact that you’re here, that you’re a part of this community, that you care, that you’re sharing love and honoring other women and working hard to change your “view” and try new thoughts on for size, that you’re willing to dive deep into the inner sea of your feelings and let them carry you through the world – that’s magic.

For me, Thanksgiving as a tradition means nothing.

What counts for me is that with a “holiday,” we have a moment where so many of us can say “Thanks” to something – all at the same time.

So my thanks in this moment is for the possibility that exists for each of us – no matter what things look like from behind our “lens.”

Let me know what your Three Blessings are tonight, and though I don’t believe I have any power to bless, if I did, it would feel incredible to be able to shower you all with blessings…so, because it feels so good to even consider it – I’ll just do it.

Blessings to you!

Love, Rori

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623 Comments to “For Thanksgiving”

  1. 1: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for this Rori..I’m feeling thankful today for many things..

    I am thankful for my sweet handsome little son

    I feel thankful to my mother who takes care of him so I can work, date etc..

    I feel thankful to have the relationship I want and communicate feelings easier now thanks to Rori..

    And thankful to myself for taking such good care of myself like never before and being loving and forgiving..

    Happy Thanksgiving Rori and to all you lovely ladies..

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:25am

  2. 2: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Tenny

    re 467 from previous post

    I know exactly what you mean. I am pretty new on Sirens Island too and I’ve been talking about it to my friends and either they don’t agree or they don’t understand or they find it too hard! Most of my friends are not happy with their own love life and they don’t agree that THEY have to change their attitude and habits to make things change. Since I’m hear (just a few weeks), I’ve learn so much about myself and I realised that I do have fears and nasty voices that I have to work on. I always thought that I was not afraid of commitment and intimacy but reading at the Sirens posts, I realised I actually was and that this might have always been the source of most of the problems I had in my previous relationships. I know a lot more about myself since I’m here and I am still in a learning process but I feel so confident and excited about becoming a siren! Welcome to the blog Tenny!

    xoxo

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:52am

  3. 3: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and happy thanksgiving to all the American Sirens!!!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:55am

  4. 4: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Blessings to you too, Rori!

    And thank you.
    Thanks to you I now have the blessing of feeling cared for by the man I live with. It’s only six weeks since I’ve been listenng to and practicing the tools in Reconnect. I love that program so much.
    Especially the practice of opening to receive the love of a hundred men. Feels great!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:00am

  5. 5: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Three Blessings

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:29am

  6. 6: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    (sorry for last post, I pressed submitt too early, meh, touch screen phone!)

    My Three Blessings:

    I feel blessed to have the job I have that gives me great benefits, decent salary so I can afford everything I need and mostly everything I want, and also a lot of vacation days sk I can enjoy life.

    I feel blessed for having find Rori and this community an to learn a lot about myself.

    I feel blessed for amazing parents who support me in everything I do and who love me without conditions!

    I love this exercice. I already feel so much better and I just want to smile!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:34am

  7. 7: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I woke up this morning feeling thankful for my life, the fact that I have learned how to focus my attention into my body to feel and explore my feelings, to loosen up the areas where tension is lodged, to touch those areas and send healing energy to them, to release the anger and resentment, to forgive myself and accept all my past experiences as lessons and blessings. I really explored dropping my thoughts to my pelvis and stopping my mind from thinking.

    I feel really blessed to have found this site and this work. Thanks Rori. Thanks Dominique. Thanks to all the people here who share their stories and help me to realize that I am not alone. We are all in this together, both the good and the bad. I feel deeply blessed.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:40am

  8. 8: VWNo Gravatar says:

    My morning didn’t have a good start…and no “gratitude” feeling for me…:(

    and then, I remember about grief…yes, that was the feeling i was fighting to feel…:(

    i used Rori’s tool on “grief” from a few posts back…and amazing shift…

    making peace with many goodbyes this year …grieving over each and every one…accepting the old for what it was…and ready to move to the new…

    so, yes Rori, I feel deep appreciation and gratitude for your work and for each Siren willingness to show herself in her raw form…the good and the not so good…and through the experience support each others healing…

    Happy Thanksgiving…

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 10:02am

  9. 9: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel like a siren today. I had an awfull lunch with P. I couldn’t control myself.

    Doing baby steps for 3 weeks now. And I just did a geant step backward. I feel ashamed and mad. I feel unproud. I totally leaned foward and proved him that nothing has changed. He will certainly never want to see me again. I should focus on something else, but this makes me feel so sad. I wantto be able to be a siren and use my new siren’s tools with him. I don’t understand why I come back like I use to be before. I feel powerless.

    I am wondering how I’m gonna fix this. Any suggestions?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 10:24am

  10. 10: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    How about a nice big cuddle from you to you.
    Loving you for who you are, even if it feels like you messed up.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 10:50am

  11. 11: femmystiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Blessings to all Sirens and Happy Thanksgiving

    This topic by Rori is so true – I call it “Living in an Attitude of Gratitude”

    This is a powerful tool to shift us from overfunctioning and having expectations that prevent us from being grounded in our reality.

    I feel blessed to have two ‘unbelievably good’ children
    I feel blessed to have a good job that takes care of me
    I feel blessed with good health and a clear conscience

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 10:51am

  12. 12: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you April Rose! An happy event happened at work and it helped me focus on me. I’m gonna start leaning back starting now! :)

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 12:09pm

  13. 13: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Just remember leaning back goes along with being warm, inviting, and open when he leans forward. Lizka it might be time to get the Reconnect your Relationship CDs.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 12:13pm

  14. 14: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Cool! Mr. Architect was invited (by a friend of mine) to attend a dinner party in a couple weeks. I asked him if he’d like to go… figured there was no way to do this without leaning forward… But I said that I would totally understand if he didn’t want to go (and I meant it). He said Sure! It sounds like fun! Then I asked him what he wanted to do about travel (it’s a few hours away) and at first he suggested a super posh hotel he’s always wanted to stay at… but then said “or maybe we could stay with my brother… that might be awkward… hmm… but it might be a good opportunity to meet some of my family!”

    Not sure what to think of this. I wonder why the awkwardness?

    At any rate, I’m not taking it to mean a whole lot, but it at least bumps me up one notch from “secret lover” status! ;)

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 12:43pm

  15. 15: Wants To Be HopefulNo Gravatar says:

    I am thankful that he has cut back to drinking only on the weekends now. I really hope that lasts. I think he cut back because of the changes in my behavior. I am thankful that he doesn’t snap at me as much anymore. And he doesn’t criticize me as much either.

    I am thankful that I am learning to set boundaries better. I even had to use my new skills at work, and the result was amazing. I now have a great working relationship with the coworker in question.

    I am thankful for this site and Rori’s work and all those who inspire her. Thank you Rori.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 12:51pm

  16. 16: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello I told a cd who canceled on me super last minute…

    ‘I’m not interested anymore’

    He kinda apologized but not to where I actually felt good.

    Then he called and was trying to engage me and u think I said, mm i felt mas. Yeah that did not feel cool. actually I’m just not interested anymore.

    So he says so you want me to stop calling you.

    I said yes.

    It was all warm and open though.

    Yay me for my first No.

    I wonder if he’ll come back in a few months.

    I can do the same w cd who triggers me w put down blame criticism. Cuz of my dad. I get the NV everyone is like this (so I should accept it and tolerate it )

    Hmmm

    That even makes sense right now to me but

    I don’t want to tolerate it.

    So I will say i dobt want to be puts me down, blamed or criticized. I feel open to you if I think u can offer me something different…it feels so good when im connected w u

    That’s it or more truth

    I know it might take a long time or even impossible for him to change – but that’s not true – just another belief I learned

    That comes about my dad.

    And actually is not my business and it can switch miraculously.

    And I will say no, I’m not available now. I feel open to seeing you again when talking to you I feel secure that I will be treated well with respect.

    Yay.

    And if he doesn’t want to do that, that’s fine, that’s what I require and I’ve already shifted my attention to receiving fromm anywhere.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 1:01pm

  17. 17: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I have been enforcing lots of boundaries but This one I havent been enforcing, probably cuzi was not enforcing it with my dad.

    When I feel my power and imagining my magical change it seems clear that the man is just waiting for me to say ‘No’ so he can heal.

    He even brought up randomly that he did some horrible thing when he was 14 15 and it seems to me like a sign that deep level stuff is activated in this.

    And from here on I can say no to my long term lover with the same speech.

    I noticed I feel scared of you often and i font want that I’m not available to see you. I feel open to see you when talking with you I feel sure that I will feel safe and respected the whole time. And worshipped. Like a goddess.

    Yeah !

    I can tell these poor two men are Dying to heal, but they think they cant. They need me to be their motivation.

    Amd then I will be saying No to my dad too and my family will heal.

    It’s finally here, the healing. Weee.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 1:12pm

  18. 18: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW

    Re 13

    Oh! I am definitly warm and inviting. But he doesn’t lean back. Never. I don’t think I will buy Reconnect your Relationship. I feel it’s hopeless. We are not in a relationship anymore, and he is not open at all to reconnect it. I know I should have give up a long time ago, but it’s a weird situation… I will more concentrate on being a siren with other men. I’m not to bad at it. With my 2 new CDs, I used the tools 100% of the time and it’s working pretty well so far. They seem to be really into me. Even with E it’s working. We’ve been dating on and off for 5 years but never as intense as we are doing since I have been using the tools with him. So I do think that I have a good understanding of the concept, but for an unknown reason, I just can’t control myself when I’m around P. I’m thinking of giving up now. It makes me feel sad to think of that. I don’t see what else I can do. This guy will never commit to something else than to his trips around the world. He’s a big traveler and a big dreamer. Something like a peaceful relationship with a loving girlfriend doesn’t seem to be interesting for him.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 1:24pm

  19. 19: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hum now that I re read my last post, that sounds pretty blamey…

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 1:33pm

  20. 20: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sirens,

    Having a few issues.

    This post is a bit icky and may be triggering to some Sirens. Apologies in advance, I just want to be really honest about what is happening for me and the judgmental and horrid thoughts I have been having…. I reallyhope I do not offend anyone cus I love you all.

    So I met up with SSU CD today. And he brought lunch and came and met me to help me put our posters and give out flyers for my business…

    And I have been feeling a lil bit offish about the whole scenario… like, hmmmm, I don’t know if I feel attracted.

    So the first thing I thought when I saw him, makes me feel ashamed to say, and it was ‘omg, he is really fat!’ and then I felt like a total biatch.

    Anyway I got in the car and I don’t know I was just sitting there feeling kinda uncomfortable and judgemental of him.

    I sat and riffed to myself.

    After we ate we went to do the marketing. He was talking and he said a few comments that just felt really BAD, about how this whole group of people are just stupid and unintelligent.

    I HATE that kinda of generalisation and ignorant attitude and I felt really angry, triggered and judgemental.

    Bearing in mind this guy has been nothing but sweet and nice to me. And I just find it such a turn off. When people put down groups of people and display judgemental, chauvenist style attitudes.

    And he was saying it as a joke, I think to try and impress me. And I didn’t find it funny at all, it just felt icky, so I didn’t laugh, and it kinda all fell flat. And the whole vibe kinda went flat.

    And he did this a couple of times and then on the second time I said ‘hearing that feels really bad’. And later I told him hearing that stuff makes me feel uncomfortable.

    I hate hearing people biatching about other people… its a massive turn off for me.

    And I feel really worried that he will just I am drama and have no sense of hunour, however I am not going to laugh at something that just feels bad.

    And I felt judgemental of him.

    And I also felt judgemental of his clothes… he turned up in some Addidas tracksuit bottoms and trainers, and that kinda outfit makes me feel immediately judgemental, its sooo unsexy.

    But he trawled around the shops with me while I did my promotions.

    And then when he was dropping me off I could tell he wanted to kiss me and I just felt like ‘NOOOOO!!! Ewww, I don’t want to kiss!’

    I felt afraid. Like running. Felt like fight or flight reaction.

    So I kinda jumped out the car.

    Thing is before I have felt attracted to him… and well, just good about how he treats me… and when he kissed me before, on date 2 I was suprised it felt quite nice although I did not let him use tongues and I pulled away quite soon.

    Well since then I have expressed to him everything above… about feeling unsure and feeling turned off hearing people being judged as stupid and unintelligent. And also about feeling unsure about being physically attracted, which felt SCARY to say.

    And the underlying thought is ‘I can’t marry this fat, unattractive man… what if he turns out to be horrible. Then I will be married to a fat, unattractive, horrible man!’

    And I know I don’t actually have to marry him… but I know he REALLY, REALLY likes me, and he makes no secret about how he feels and what he wants with me.

    And I feel so bad about myself for thinking this way and being so judgemental.

    Anyway I expressed to him and he said he doesn’t know about if it would work if I do not feel physically attracted, however he IS very attracted to me, and he is sorry about the bad comments about people… and that won’t happen again.

    I want to give him a chance, and I feel confused and scared.

    Any ideas, thoughts, feelings?

    Sorry again for the triggering words and thoughts… sometimes I feel like a horrible person.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 1:35pm

  21. 21: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm my tummy tight and heart a lil bit faster hearing my dad talk in that tone

    sigh

    sigh

    open pelvis

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 1:42pm

  22. 22: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – sounds like you’re doing great and working through some stuff and it’s bringing up uncomfortable stuff to feel through

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 1:46pm

  23. 23: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I just feel so angry…

    Like he just randomly made a joke about how this whole group of people are so thick and shouldn’t be allowed to breed cus they are already too inbred.

    And then proceeded to give me examples of why this whole group of people are stupid.

    And I asked ‘so you think that every single one of these people must be stupid?’ and he said yes they are!

    Grrrrrrrr.

    I feel sick, and furious.

    I don’t want that.

    And I am just feeling so angry right now I don’t know how to commuincate with him without being blamey.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 1:49pm

  24. 24: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ELLA – omg i would feel so uncomfortable too! and mad yeah

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:05pm

  25. 25: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ella,
    Could it be that he is just showing you who he is? Are you angry because you wanted him to be someone different. Is that why he now looks ugly to you?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:14pm

  26. 26: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow. I came to the blog today to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving, and I am so blessed to have read this post from Rori. What a beautiful thought! Thank you!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:21pm

  27. 27: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Oh wow! It’s been so long since I posted here that my comments are going into moderation!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:21pm

  28. 28: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I just expressed to him that I feel angry and turned off.

    Hmmm this feels uncomfortable and icky.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:22pm

  29. 29: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I think I am experiencing exactly what Rori mentioned. It’s hard for me to feel fully grateful, knowing that my financial situation isn’t just bad, it feels so precarious, I don’t even know what’s going to happen, or how on earth I am going to pay my bills for the next months.

    And yet I AM so grateful. I feel grateful for the sympathetic manager @ the bank, who is going to try to help me. I feel grateful to my friend & her family for inviting me to thanksgiving dinner. And I feel wonerfully grateful & blessed to have a lovely man to hang out with later, after dinner. And another man who is texting me from his trip to see family. And a guy friend who sent me a cute thanksgiving message. I feel wonderfully and totally blessed. Yes, Universe, you have blessed me immensely. And it has not escaped my notice. Thank you so much!!

    (and p.s. of course I am grateful for this blog, and for all of you, suppprting me, supporting each other on our journeys. Thank you sirens! )

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:29pm

  30. 30: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Thanksgiving Sirens!

    A test post to see if I am going into moderation for writing my name differently

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:31pm

  31. 31: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, well it worked that time but my other posts have disappeared altogether.

    Ella,

    Can’t remember exactly what I wrote before but I wonder whether SSU is just showing you who he is. Could your anger be because he is not who you wanted him to be? Could that be why he looks ugly to you now?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:36pm

  32. 32: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Urgh….

    I said ‘I feel angry and turned off’

    He asked why.

    I said what I heard him say earlier and how it made me feel furious, angry and turned off.

    He said ‘Ok sorry but I can’t change who I am and if I am going to make you angry then I won’t talk’

    I didn’t reply.

    Then ten mins later from him ‘ok will respect your anger and won’t be in touch again. Take care’

    I replied ‘Wow. Ok. That feels bad’

    Him ‘Well its not what I want but would rather that than you turned off me’

    I haven’t replied.

    Feel a bit sick.

    Miss CD1. Want him back.

    Or maybe I just feel lonely and disparing.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:41pm

  33. 33: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Rivergirl re 29

    Yes possibly.

    Cus I got all excited feeling that he seemed so great… and now I feel so deflated and flat.

    Earlier this week he was being so sweet and supportive when I was struggling with my finances.

    I feel so disappointed.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:44pm

  34. 34: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    ((Ella))
    So he had some good qualities too, but now he is showing you that he has different values and that’s good too because it makes room for men who share your values…there are lots who do.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:48pm

  35. 35: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Rivergirl.

    I just feel so disappointed right now and like giving up.

    What is the point.

    :-(

    Feeling sulky.

    I want to lean forward to CD1.

    I feel insecure and afraid in case I can’t manage on my own.

    I feel weak and scared.

    I suppose I will just sit here with my feelings.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 2:51pm

  36. 36: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am in a much better mood now. forced myself out of bed, did my hair up with a pretty barrette and off to the store i went, feeling beautiful. CF called to wish me a happy day, and tried to get his baby niece to talk to me hehe cute.

    we talked about how we were both enjoying the holidays and looking forward to them for the first time in our lives (we have effed up families and xmas birthdays, both of us). and he said ‘we’re a really positive influence on each other.’ he’s right. reminds me of my best friend, whom i am seeing soon! i’m making brussel sprouts with bacon and onions and deviled eggs to bring to her dinner:)

    feeling grateful

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 3:00pm

  37. 37: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling lonely

    I have no one to talk around and no one to talk on the phone. I which I was cding, but men are not finding me attractive lately…I feel empty

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 3:50pm

  38. 38: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Luzydel)))))

    I am feeling lonely too.

    xoxox

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 3:54pm

  39. 39: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling lonely on the blog too toda.. not many Sirens around, maybe cus it is Thanksgiving in USA?

    We don’t celebrate that here but Happy Thanksgiving to those who do.

    Things I am thankful for today are that I have the opportunity to run my own business doing what I love and connecting with women.

    And also that I have recently recieved some money which was much appreciated at the moment.

    And also for all the Messenger Men who have come into my life to show me stuff.

    And I am hopeful that I can find the strength to face Christmas without a boyfriend, which would be a first for me, and stay true to myself even when I feel weak and afraid.

    And the strength to keep saying no to what I don’t want, until what I do finally shows up, when I am good and ready.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 3:59pm

  40. 40: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Owww, what are deviled eggs?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:01pm

  41. 41: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Feels bad to express real honest feelings and have a man go ‘oh, ok well I will walk away then!’

    Blech.

    Ok, whatever.

    NVs saying maybe I am making a big deal of nothing, and actually I don’t think so.

    My truth is it felt bad what he said.

    Like when I was much younger and I had an ex who was racist!

    Ick.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:04pm

  42. 42: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok well that was my first experience of being offered a ring… well apart from once when I was much, much younger.

    And although I didn’t want the offer in the end it felt good to be asked.

    I have decided to feel good about this and just doubly commit to myself.

    It felt good to be out there promoting my business and it felt good to let a man totally step up and worship me and see what that felt like.

    My life feels pretty good right now, although I intend to make my classes busier still.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:26pm

  43. 43: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka Rori’s work is about working on yourself, a lot of inner work. Even though it is called Reconnect your Relationship it is still about a lot of personal inner work and how to be with men, not necessarily about focussing on any one man or relationship. I believe it could help you hang on to yourself, regardless of what a man is saying or doing. But it is your choice.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:32pm

  44. 44: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka re 9,

    Be gentle with yourself.

    It takes time to change habits.

    xoxox

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:39pm

  45. 45: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I always think that anger is a strong emotion. I am struggling to understand why what he said would cause you to feel angry. I guess because I am also thinking that he must not like himself very much to be talking about people like. Seem to me like he must be projecting in some way. I am feeling compassion for him. Maybe I would have had to tell him that I felt turned off by his comments and might need to remove myself from his presence so that I can feel turned on again. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t respect others as it would not inspire me to respect him.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:45pm

  46. 46: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW I have no idea why I am feeling so angry.

    I ALWAYS feel angry when hear people make sweeping statements about a group of people like that they are so stupid and inbred.

    I do feel some compassion for him.

    Maybe Rivergirl was onto something that I wanted him to be something and he is turning out not to be what I hoped!

    I didn’t even realise I had expectations.

    Maybe I overreacted…

    And also when I expressed how I felt he just kinda threw in the towel.

    Which also feels pretty blech to me.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:54pm

  47. 47: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Strong judgments based in ignorance trigger GREAT BIG feelings of anger in me.

    I wonder what that is about.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:56pm

  48. 48: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, so do you ladies think I should give him another chance?

    And if so how would I negotiate that being that he is no longer leaning forward… although he was the last person to text.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:58pm

  49. 49: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I still feel kinda p8ssed though.

    And kinda blechy/ grrrry.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 4:59pm

  50. 50: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm I am noticing often when I mention expressing anger Sirens are suggesting it might be too strong of an emotion to express… however I am feeling resistant to that because for me Rori encourages us to be authentic and express the deepest emotion we can find and be authentic.

    So if I feel angry that is what I need to express.

    Often there is fear underneath, and sometimes it just feels like anger.

    I feel confused about the general consensus that is percieved by me as expressing anger will cause men to leave… and I was to reject this.

    It feels like pressure to conform to this belief esp as a part of me believes/thinks/fears that this is true.

    And another part of me wonders if this kind of auhentic expression can actually open the way for the right man…

    Wondering.

    I’m feeling curious.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 5:07pm

  51. 51: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, Luzydel,

    You’re not alone girls, I am here, not celebrating Thanksgiving either in Canada.

    Big hugs lonely Sirens.

    xoxo

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 5:11pm

  52. 52: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW – Thank you for your advice. I will seriously considere it. :)

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 5:19pm

  53. 53: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m thinking of something to text to P. I shouldn’t. But I HAVE to tell him that I don’t want him to text me anymore. I learned today that last week, when he texted me “have fun at the charity event”, he also texted it to the other girl who works with me who is her friend. I don’t want that. I don’t want to have duplicate messages and I don’t want messages that are not personalised for me. I want messages because he is interested in me. I want him to text me because he wants to see me or because he misses me. I’m thinking of texting something like this:

    “I am feeling weird about our ‘relationship’. I don’t want to receive messages that are not only about me. I want to receive messages only if a guy is into me and wants to ask me out.”

    What do you think sirens? Do you have any corrections or recommandation on that?

    I know I should not text him, but I DON’T WANT him to text me anymore because if he doesn’t do it for the good reason, I want to be able to forget him.

    Thank you in advance for your help!

    xoxo

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 5:25pm

  54. 54: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    I wrote last night:
    “I’m feeling a loving vibe from him.
    We’ll see. I have no expectations except to focus on my own feelings.”

    And right now, I’m crying my eyes out.

    I feel so turmoiled. Something is showing up for me to heal in a big way right now. I feel like I’m resisting to something and I don’t know what.

    D came over 2 nights ago.
    I was in such agony like a train ran over me. You know the 1st day of period inflammation.
    He gave me a long massage allover. I just melted into the sofa. It felt sooooo good.
    He never made any s*xual advances throughout the entire massage.

    Last night he called and came over again. He was very tired and he had just been called into work to start at midnight.
    So thinking of the waterweel, I offered him a massage.
    He got undressed and I “lost it” to lust.
    It was amazing, and as usual he was so giving.
    He never got his massage.
    We went to sleep for an hour and then he got up to go to work. I woke up all drowsy as he walked out the door.

    I am crying my eyes out bc I have not heard one word from him today.
    He has been chasing me like crazy since he got back from vacation.
    I didn’t even want to see him.
    He begged me to give him another chance and start from scratch.
    I asked him last night if he really meant it when he said he wanted to start from scratch.
    He replied that I should think about it.
    It’s not like him to not give me at least a phone call all day.
    I leaned forward and called him, no response.
    He always returned my call withing a half hour, always.
    It’s been 3 hours since I called.
    I held off for almost 2 months…this is so cruel.

    I’m feeling so angry and hurt. I regret having let him in. My walls want to go back up.

    I’ve been crying my eyes out for 2 hours now.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:01pm

  55. 55: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:04pm

  56. 56: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lili. I feel sorry to read your story. Hope you feel better?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:18pm

  57. 57: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    So I am about to send this to P. This is my final version:

    I don’t want to receive any unpersonal messages or messages that are not sent only to me anymore and I don’t want to receive messages that doesn’t demonstrate an interest for me. It makes me feel unspecial and unworthy. I only want to receive messages or call for good reasons like inviting me to go out.

    Is there something really wrong in that?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:23pm

  58. 58: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizka,

    I hope you won’t text.

    You should wait until he texts you, to reply your prepared speech.

    Texting him 1st is still leaning forward like you’re trying to get a reaction from him.

    I know how you feel, I just leaned forward myself. It feels icky.
    I’m feeling all needy and clingy all over again.
    I was doing so well.
    I’m trying not to be hard on myself.
    I have to see the good things. Like at least I did alot better than in the past when he did call back a few minutes ago. I didn’t ram into him like I used to (like we say in Quebecois: rentré ddans) lol

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:29pm

  59. 59: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Well, I did it again. I threw a fit when LP was leaving. I am starting to feel at times that I shouldn’t fight this fight anymore and then at other times that this is what I want. I am so torn.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:30pm

  60. 60: dorothydNo Gravatar says:

    i ‘m thankful for my mom, my dog, family/friends that make my life a little eaiser day in /out, thankful for life health/strenght in our right minds. Rori, i do have issues i need help with, my self esteem is low ,i’ve gotten older, i find it’s worse. iwas in a relationship for @18 yrs, we have had good/bad times a yr ago ttoday we parted, my heart is still feeling him so strong, i want him back, last feb i finally called him, well, of course he met someone, i backed off, but we r from the same hometown, so, i had to visit for a family function , few dya after getting settle. i called to c if we could get together to talk, but, he was with her he told me they were visitng her mom, i said ok, called him one last time to drop off somethings he had left behind, plus chance to c him. he avoided me, he told me how i hurt him, i should have handle things different, he moved on, so leave thing @ siter;s house on porch if nobody home, i did. the dayi got on plane to return home i was devistated i didn’t c him, i took a deep breath choke dwn tears, the followering day after getting settle ,i get a phone call, what happen w/ her is she lives in a different state from him, she’s separated, but domes to town every few months to visit her parents/ spend time w/him.anyway , he called me when i got home, to say i got home safe, he called again the next day next day eachday we talked a little more, about a month of talking everyday, she’s back, then our talks cut back to maybe once a day or skip a day, she leaves 1st conversation would go back to i threw him away?someone picked him up, he still love me but, we have to work through thing, well, what happens 2nd time she comes back to town for thankgiving, they spend time together but, in between he call me, as he said he would, but sunday i didnit here from him, he called mon afternoon i ask what did they do sunday he said her bro a minister so, they went to church. Rori, i am so in love w/ him, i eat sleep thinking of him/us he coming home. he’s always telling me he love me /he’s coming home. he has some finacial business he has to settle. anyway, i’ve used some of your rules level 1/2, i lfeel, i don’t / i want tolerate,/ what do u think, just by doing thse things, i have been wanting ti hear this forever he told me he has always been in love with me. Rori, i don’t know how to handle keeping him close to me although she is close to him physically as well as mentally when she comes to town, today is thanksgiving night, they r togther right now, i do ok for awhile, but later i go stir crazy if he don;t call. just the other day i was told she feel different than i do, i love you, i like her a lot, but i’m in love with you, i am coming home we going to get it right this time. HELP ME RORI, HOW DO I GET HIM BACK, WHEN WE R SO MANY MILES APART / 3RD PARTY IS PHYSICALLY? WHAT MATERIAL DO I NEED?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:31pm

  61. 61: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I think it’s a very nice message. I am feeling proud of myself and of my determination. And the message sounds even better in French! And I even got to do FM in French! Wouhou!!! I don’t want his fake attention anymore and I want to concentrate on something else. If he comes back, he’s better do it for the good reasons and if so, I will be warm, open and inviting but in the mean time I will concentrate on my lovely E and on my 2 other CDs. And maybe go find a new one!

    I love this attitude! Yay!!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:31pm

  62. 62: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lili. But I really feel that I need to do that. We had a very unpleasant lunch. He is not gonna call me anyway before weeks and I don’t want this situation (he texted me and one of my feeling collegue the SAME message at the same time!!) to happen anymore. And when I got the text I didn’t jnow and I thought he was leaning foward and showing me interest. But it was just some random sh*t sent to half of the girl at my office. I can’t accept that. Don’t you agree that he needs to know?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:35pm

  63. 63: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And he did the same thing a few weeks ago also with the same girl. I was soooo happy that he texted me that I called my best friend the next day to tell her “he made my day, he texted me”. I feel so ridiculous now…

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:37pm

  64. 64: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    I would cut it shorter. I would just keep:

    “I don’t want to receive unpersonal messages, it makes me feel not special. It feels better to receive messages that show personalized interest, like asking me out.”

    Your lengthier version looks like your ramming into him (rentrer ddans) bc it’s saying the same thing in 3 different ways.
    I also detect a vibe of anger in your last draft. If you are feeling angry, you should express it also to be authentic.

    I’m struggling w FMs myself.

    Would you like to try it out in French my fellow quebecker?
    My 1st language is French, and I took 5 translation courses at the university.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:39pm

  65. 65: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh no Lili. I read your messages 2 seconds after sending the text. Arg… I sent exactly that:

    Je ne veux plus recevoir de messages impersonnels ou qui ne s’adressent pas qu’à moi et je ne veux pas recevoir de messages qui ne démontrent pas de l’intérêt. Ça me fait sentir très ordinaire et indigne. Je veux juste qu’on me texte ou qu’on m’appelle pour des bonnes raisons comme pour m’inviter à sortir.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:41pm

  66. 66: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizka,

    I know how hard it is not to “do” something. Do you remember Rori’s tool about imagining all the cupids shooting their little arrows. I can’t remember which programme it is in.

    The gist of it is to imagine yourself standing surrounded by men, lots of men, dozens of them, hundreds even. They are all amazed by your siren beauty and they want your attention, they are doing all sorts of things to show how what they can give you. Some are sending roses, opening doors, giving you chocolates, shooting cupids arrows of love in your direction. Whatever you imagine they are doing. Some of them might be sending you silly little texts to try and get your attention. You just have to stand there and maybe catch some of the gifts and others will just fall on the ground around you. You don’t have to do anything, just be open.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:43pm

  67. 67: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    So “OK” called me and I feel so good now, he is my friend now…

    The story with “OK” is …we were dating while in college for 2 years, he was my first and I was starting to feel “bored”, I met my ex husband and I broke up with him, even though I still had feelings for him; I just did not know Circular Dating then :)

    Anyway our lives went on; he got married had two kids now divorced and his life has not been so great, same with me… I found him on FB and we talk a lot over the pone and it feels good that our friendship never faded. He knows me more than any men has.

    However there is no possibility for something more, he lives in a different state far away and we don’t even talk about that anyway; We just enjoy talking and letting things out.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:44pm

  68. 68: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Your shorter version was very good. But it’s too late. Anyway I really hope I won’t have to deal with that again. I think the message will be understood. He will probably stop calling me. But it’s still better that his unpersonnal messages. I think i want to forget about him. That’s how I feel tonight. Doesn’t mean Im gonna feel like that tomorrow. But at least i have a busy weekend and I won’t think of him too much.

    I’d like to stay and ask you about your issue with D, but I really have to go to sleep, big big day tomorrow. Thank you very much ma copine québécoise.

    Big hugs to you.

    xoxo

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:46pm

  69. 69: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    62:

    Ouch! I so know that feeling Lizka.
    That has happened to me once before.

    Well, in this case I would add a small something at the end:

    “I don’t want to receive unpersonal messages, it makes me feel not special. It feels better to receive messages that show personalized interest, like asking me out. I’m just a girl here, and like all girls, I like to feel special.”

    My lazer technician told me that she met her man at the office when she was a secretary.
    She said he was dating many women at the office, and everyone knew. The women all knew, but still all kept dating him.
    When he asked my lazer tech out, she replied “I can’t go out w you unless you stop dating all the other women. If you’re going to go out w me, it will have to be only me.”
    He did it! He let go of all the other women and asked her out again.
    They now have been living together for 5 years, and he is totally devoted to her and their recomposed family.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:48pm

  70. 70: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you RiverGirl for the message. I haven’t do this program yet. I’m still pretry new. Have only read the ebook and planning to try Modern Siren or Targeting Mr Right as soon as my computer is repaired. I will keep that cupids story in mond. I like it a lot.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:50pm

  71. 71: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    67:

    Well Lizka, you did do what felt good to you.

    Bonne nuit, dors bien et bonne grande journée demain. xox.

    Good for you having a busy weekend :)

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:52pm

  72. 72: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili, I don’t think he is dating that girl. She is just a friend. He has dozens of female friends. She has a boyfriend but he lives in NYC and I think she’s just an attention seeker (oh ob big judgment). The fact that he sent to both of us the same message just shows me that I’m jyst a friend like her. And I don’t want that.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:53pm

  73. 73: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    64:

    You’re probably off to bed by now, but for tomorrow:

    Your French version was direct and decisive. cudos for that. Feels like a girl who knows what she wants and what she likes, self respect.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:57pm

  74. 74: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Spending over 200 dollars in e-harmony seems frivolous and I do not want to do that. I hate POF, because it is all the same guys Ugh! OK cupid is ok but I hardly get emails there…I need to find other ways to get dates. I want to start going out with other men.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:59pm

  75. 75: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    59:

    IP, what happened?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 6:59pm

  76. 76: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    73:

    Luzydel, 200 on eharmony?!?! Yikes!

    I did the personality test and posted my profile. I don’t even have a picture up yet. So far, that’s been for free.
    But when I got my matches, I had to pay a subsription to see their pictures. I could only see their profiles.
    Then i got an email from eharmony offering a 19.95 deal for 3 months or something.
    I don’t want to pay, but it seems to be a more serious site.
    My friend was chatting w someone real interesting on there.
    Destiny brought her back to her hometown, so she had to cut it off w him bc of the distance.
    She met her new husband through me by fluke.
    You never know who’s around the corner unexpectedly.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:05pm

  77. 77: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Had a good night with TH last night. I wasn’t really worried if he was coming over or not and he did. And he bought my favorite Thai takeaway too! Yay!

    So all was good last night with lots of cuddles etc and I feel like I’ve let my wall down a little.

    But now I feel icky. We were on the train and I was on FB on my phone and he was doing the same.

    He normally meets one of the boys before work to get coffee so he took out his phone to text him just as I looked over. And what I saw was that darn woman’s name (she’s the one he had drinks with the night of my birthday drinks and the one who stayed at his house in the “spare room” recently. So they’ve been texting each other obviously and it is seriously eating at me!!

    Ok ok it could be totally innocent but it’s still driving me crazy!!! Argh!!!!!!!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:07pm

  78. 78: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    yes it is like 20 dollars a month if you subscribe for a year…that means like 240 dollars or so…no way!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:08pm

  79. 79: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    FW- I’m on the bridge but close to falling off. Help!! :-/

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:10pm

  80. 80: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    74 Lili,

    He stayed the night and the entire day with us ( my kids and I ) but then wanted to leave to go home when I thought he was going to stay another night. I know I shouldn’t have but I got upset that he was leaving and I asked why he was going and he got all funny with me. I have so many insecurities and that is one of them….I just don’t know how to work through it. My bad feelings are less than they used to be but they are certainly still there. Ugh!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:10pm

  81. 81: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    BW, that is frustrating. Especially not knowing what exactly they are texting about.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:14pm

  82. 82: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I am remembering an email where Rori suggests that with those negative emotions we should just feel them. With the positive emotions we should share them. I think the missing link for you is the lesson that expressing the anger is teaching you. I would look over ever recent incident to see what eventually happened. I have also learned from Rori that many times anger is a cover for the real emotion, fear.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:34pm

  83. 83: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW you can stay on. It is your choice. Until you can allow it sink to into your psyche that you have choices no one can convince you of that. Stay on your bridge. Don’t hook your hopes on any one man. You have to stay focussed on what your relationship dreams look like. Remember Rori uses a lot of visualizations and imaginations to work on the insides? I would encourage you to do so.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:38pm

  84. 84: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Urk, I hate this clingy needy feeling. Ok, I know I’m supposed to love my feelings.

    Gotta show myself some compassion for falling off the horse now.

    Not only did I call him, but I invited myself along tomorrow night. Urk, double needy and clingy!

    I had all these paranoid NVs telling me he was out on a date.
    He returned my call to say that he was on all fours installing a ceramic floor with his cousin and his phone was in his coat pocket.

    I still made progress through it though.

    I used to get mad and ram into him w agressive comments.
    This time I spoke in FMs: “It felt weird not getting any news from you all day.”
    He said he finished work at noon, went to sleep for only a couple of hours and went to help his cousin.
    He said we might get to see each other tomorrow night.
    I replied “I prefer having definite plans, it makes me feel special when it’s not last minute.”
    He said his parents might be in town tomorrow night and he was going to meet them at his sister’s. But I had told him 2 months ago that I did not want to see his family bc I love them very much and don’t want to get any further attached due to our uncomitted situation.
    He practically begged me to start over from scratch the other night.
    So that’s how I then invited myself to come along to see his family.
    I heard a huge smile in his voice when he replied “I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon to let you know if they make it or not.”
    No matter the circumstances, I feel scared that I did that. It’s still leaning forward.
    Or is it dancing the dance since he leaned way forward 1st?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:39pm

  85. 85: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Feminine Woman – this somewhat conflicts with what I understand from Rori’s work.

    “I am remembering an email where Rori suggests that with those negative emotions we should just feel them. With the positive emotions we should share them. ”

    Can you find that e-mail?

    My understanding is that Rori says to share the most important seeming emotion… and that emotions are not really positive or negative, they just are, and we want to be in a state of confidence and love where we can express everything, even anger, in a healing non-blaming way.

    And, when there are several emotions we can pick from, we can choose to share the positive, if we want. (like when a man asks ‘how are you’)

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:45pm

  86. 86: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling disappointed, and kinda lonely and disconnected.

    ooh i did my “phone to anyone” tool and am feling better

    i have so many texts on my phone today

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:47pm

  87. 87: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes you do Ice Princess. Asking him why is getting all in his business and disrespecting the masculine. So of course he would get funny with you.

    “You cannot bring him close to you by WANTING him more. You can not excite him, attract him, or make him WANT YOU more by pressing him.”

    How about trying Rori’s words instead-

    “I feel embarrassed a bit to be so direct , you’ve completely won me over. I’m totally charmed by you and your devotion to me, I love you madly, and it feels incredible being with you. Oh my, this being honest stuff is hard, but I really would love if you stay over”. If he says no, then you have to learn to take no for an answer.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:48pm

  88. 88: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    76:

    BW,

    I sooo wish I knew the magic words to tell You!
    Except for: I soooo know what you’re feeling!

    …and so does IP. We’ve all had these women “imposters”. That is a tuff one to deal w.

    The only thing that has helped me so far, was to sink into my feelings and write them out here.
    When I got to the deep down core of them, I got to a peaceful accepting place in my heart.
    That’s when i felt ready to share them w D.

    I get so jealous when another woman gets his undivided attention!..to the point they takeover MY spot!

    To get you going: I’ve noticed an ongoing main theme for me: I don’t allow myself what I want. I don’t allow myself to exist. But these women do allow themselves to give themselves all that they want including my man’s attention.
    I give them the space that belongs to me, and I don’t know how to claim my space.
    I want them out of my space.
    I feel crowded out. That makes me feel angry.
    Behind the anger is the fear…

    Is it fear of abandonment?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:50pm

  89. 89: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 62 Lizka I believe that is one way to create an imaginary relationship “in your mind”. If he is not in front on you then the relationship is not real.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:57pm

  90. 90: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lili 41 I am pretty sure I have seen in one of Rori’s articles “I want to be your one and only” as a truth that can be shared with a man.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 7:59pm

  91. 91: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    So how can I give you something to DO that’s about NOT doing ANYTHING?

    Try this:

    Picture yourself as a Magnet for men. See yourself that way from the outside.
    Picture men running toward you from everywhere, pushing and shoving each other aside to get to you…
    Now go INSIDE your picture and IMAGINE yourself DRAWING in men from everywhere – like a magnet you hold on the beach draws in thousands of little pieces of iron from the sand.
    Now imagine that all you have to do is SMILE, and men will drop from the skies, fly at you from everywhere, and STICK to you like glue.
    The next step is to simply EXPERIENCE how it FEELS to be a magnet (If you’re doing it full-out, it might feel uncomfortable and downright scary…)

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:03pm

  92. 92: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m totally charmed by you and the way you treat me outside of ‘that’

    I fele a bit embarassed to be so direct, you’ve really got me attracted

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:03pm

  93. 93: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Still trying to show compassion for myself by seeing the progress to encourage myself that it’s worth getting back on the horse.

    I feel so much warmer and cozier w everyone at work.
    This guy at work was very googoo over me when I 1st started to work there 3 years ago.
    He’s been totally ignoring me for the past 2 years.
    He’s stopped ignoring me and starting to pay me special attention.
    He’s going out of his way to open the door for me, stops in the corridor to smile and make small talk.

    Heck, I’ve even been invited to another department’s Xmas lunch…while I have my own department’s Xmas lunch! how outrageous is that?
    Super cool !
    Eeeee, I just realized: I was so excited that I accepted without asking my boss. I should ask my boss coz it’s a 2 hour lunch.
    It’s an official fancy invitation card too! It even had a RSVP card to return!
    No it wasn’t a mistake, my name was on it! Yoohoo!!! :D
    I have so much fun w that other department! I really look forward to it!
    I doubt my boss will have an issue w it.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:04pm

  94. 94: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    89:

    FW, and especially BUTTERFLY WINGS:

    I saw that somewhere too. Thanks for reminding me.

    But I’ve had to dig my feelings out big time about this one for myself.
    It stirs up deep old unearthed deeprooted hurt feelings that were festering since I was 7 years old.
    After doing that for myself to bring those out to heal, I feel more peaceful and ready to say ” I want to be your no1″
    Bc you know what? I finally unearthed my deeprooted feeling of unworthiness.

    NOW I FEEL WORTHY OF SAYING “I WANT TO BE YOUR NO 1″.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:13pm

  95. 95: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Let’s clarify an important point here – the way we FEEL and the way we ACT are completely different and separate things. We can either feel one way and act another, or we can act according to how we feel. Very often, we feel hurt, and so we act angry. ”

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/2008/page/33/

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:14pm

  96. 96: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    NO, NOT NO 1, I WANT TO BE YOUR ONE AND ONLY!!!

    That’s better than no.1 bc no1 implies that there’s a no2 or no3.

    Nobody else but MEEEE !!! I’m special that way!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:16pm

  97. 97: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    IP;

    How in the h*ck did you get your man to toss the neighbour lady?

    I shouldn’t ask that, bc a siren does not have to “get her man to do anything” he just feels compelled to.

    But anyway, is that what the secret is?

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:19pm

  98. 98: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Now, ask yourself what you’re feeling. See if it’s anger – that’s usually the most common emotion that triggers depression, covering up – and that kind of “intensity” that drains other people.

    If you discover some anger, stomp it out in the bathroom, or use any of my Tools to get into the feeling, feel it completely, and then walk yourself out into a better-feeling place (my Reconnect Your Relationship program has the great “Take Yourself Through The Tunnel” Tool).

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/2008/page/32/

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:33pm

  99. 99: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    So saying what you feel is a necessary part of being vulnerable. It doesn’t mean you have to say everything you feel ALL the time. (And most of the time we’re actually speaking about what we THINK, and what we think doesn’t count at all for vulnerability – we’ll talk more about that in future posts.) And it doesn’t mean you spew your feelings out in just any old way.

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/overfunctioning/intensity-pushes-men-away/#respond

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 8:39pm

  100. 100: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From an email:

    Bottom line, the problem is not this woman, it’s in Emily’s inability to attract her husband to her in a deep, emotional, intimate and cheat-
    proof way.

    So – how does she turn all this around fast?

    First, Emily needs to understand that this is about her and her relationship with her husband, and take charge again of herself instead of complaining about this woman.

    Next, she needs to stop feeling jealous and start looking at the day-to-day life she has with her husband.

    She needs to start seeing when and how he lost
    romantic interest in her, and then make some changes to get it back.

    I’m not saying her husband’s blameless – but you can’t make a man feel something he doesn’t feel by TELLING him to.

    You can’t ORDER him to love you.

    If he’s behaving in an intolerable way, and you don’t want to make the changes that need to be made to save the marriage, then you can leave.

    But you can’t push a man into Romance.

    You have to INVITE him.

    And you have to invite him to romance you even if you’re feeling sad, angry, resentful, and everything else Emily must be feeling right now.

    Sound impossible?

    It’s not. It just takes some new skills.

    So how can Emily stop pushing him away, complaining and telling him what to do about this
    woman?

    1. First – she can STOP talking about her at
    all.

    That’s right.

    Not one mention. Not one complaint. Not one
    question.

    If her husband should bring her up – such as “Let’s have her over for dinner, okay?” – Emily
    has to say what she feels and what she DOESN’T
    want in this situation.

    That could look like: “I feel uncomfortable having her over. I feel jealous of her, and angry with you about her, and I don’t like feeling that, so I don’t want her in our house.”

    And then she stands there for a moment and
    listens to what he has to say.

    If he tries to convince her, she just sticks to the same words: “I feel uncomfortable and I don’t want to invite her over…” And then she can walk away from the conversation.

    Or, she can go with “Sure.” And let her come over so she can see for herself.

    2. Next – she needs to use all my Tools to start fresh in her marriage. (Reconnect Your Relationship is perfect for this – it will help her “Change Everything” – her “vibe,” the way her husband relates to her – everything.

    3. This is all about changing her “energy” from being “combative” and “challenging” with her husband because she feels so mushy and weak on
    the inside, to feeling so strong inside that she can be a soft, alluring, magnetic woman on the outside.

    This is where Emily needs to get a handle on her own emotions.

    If you’ve read any of these letters, you know I’m not about “hiding” your emotions, or “changing” them, or “distracting yourself” from even your most unpleasant feelings – instead, Emily has to dive in and become AWARE of how her feelings are hurting her and her marriage.

    And in order to become aware of your true feelings, you have to feel them.

    And once you can feel them, in order to create true intimacy with a man, you have to be able to EXPRESS your feelings with him in a way that doesn’t push him away – as Emily is doing by attacking him, trying to get him to act differently – trying to get him to LOVE her.

    Expressing your feelings in an authentic way not only let’s a man see who you are and get close to you because of your vulnerability – it allows him to feel SAFE with you.

    For most of us, this kind of instruction sounds like a direction to “have a serious talk about the relationship.”

    But that’s NOT what works.

    Later on, Emily might be able to say “I feel bad about our marriage. It would feel so good to be close to you again…”

    But that’s WAY later.

    NOW – Emily needs to say things like “This feels so fun,” whenever there’s a moment of fun between them.

    Emily needs to get into her own sexuality and
    sensuality and feel happy when she’s around him by finding things in her life that she can be happy about.

    She has to take her focus off of him and find a way to experience happy moments for herself.

    And then, she can share them with him – like, “It felt so good to take a walk just now. I could feel the breeze on my face and the air felt so clean…”

    There are so many things to express feelings
    about that have NOTHING to do with the marriage.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 9:45pm

  101. 101: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ***MY ANSWER:
    No, you do not LEAD the way in the sense of
    leadership. Drop the leadership thing altogether. You INVITE him in, by opening yourself up.

    You take the lead in opening yourself up and being brave and trusting. But you do NOT lead the relationship.

    Nora – try this (it’s in Reconnect Your Relationship) – as you’re TRULY leaning back, change your hair (some blonde streaks?), start wearing pink and lavender and baby blue, show
    cleavage – FEEL sexy.

    Then try just touching him lightly – his shoulder, ruffling his hair, his hand as he passes – just to make gentle contact – and soften your eyes and look in his. (Just try – see what it does – once and then back off.

    If he seems to be about to kiss you, that’s your cue to lean further back and “melt.” All this is scattered through all the programs – you’ll get it.

    Look, this is about being an old-time screen siren, where you don’t have to do anything but bat your eyelashes.

    Where you feel so sexy and confident INSIDE, he just comes-a-running.

    If it doesn’t happen in a week or two, consider the speech, or consider saying “I miss feeling you kiss me.” Let’s see what happens.
    Rori

    NORA: Rori!!! IT’S ALREADY WORKING! I just had to tell you!

    I am doing NOTHING and Don is stepping up to the
    plate. HE called Sat a.m. to see if we were still going to do a bike ride. I let him totally call the shots and we had a nice ride. I practiced “being” and saying “feeling” words.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 9:55pm

  102. 102: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tool: STOP CLIMBING FOR LOVE

    Sometimes trying to meet a man or getting your man to come closer can feel like climbing a rock wall.

    Yet instead of enjoying the adventure of it all, you’re tired, you’re hanging on for dear life, and the end seems nowhere in sight.

    You FORGET you’re sitting in a harness attached by a rope to the top of the rock, while someone holds that rope from down on the ground.

    So…here are some steps to use this image in a way that will quickly help you in your love life:

    1. IMAGINE YOU’RE CLINGING TO THE ROCK FACE OF YOUR MAN AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP

    You’re working so hard to get to where you want to go – commitment and happiness.

    2. IMAGINE YOURSELF CLINGING TO THE WALL,
    CLIMBING.

    You’re making your way across and up, and across and up.

    Really imagine what it feels like to work so hard and hold on so tight, and be so afraid of letting go and falling.

    To feel so afraid of that time, sooner or later, when you just can’t hold on any longer. When it’s just too hard and too painful, and you aren’t getting anywhere.

    3. IMAGINE THAT YOU ARE WATCHING OVER YOURSELF

    Simply because it’s just TOO MUCH work to hang on so tightly and climb so deliberately and devotedly, and because your man isn’t helping you at all by giving you a hand up.

    Do you see what’s happening? You’re so caught up in working hard, you’ve lost sight of the view!

    Now…

    4. IMAGINE LETTING GO OF THE WALL!

    This is all about trusting yourself, not the man, and not the wall.

    So, Imagine putting your feet up against the wall and pushing away and swinging away from the wall.

    You’re swinging in space, and there’s nothing to hold onto. Now…

    5. IMAGINE THESE PARTS:

    >>>The rope is YOU, so you’re tied, anchored, and
    protected by…YOU.

    >>>The bar at the top that’s holding the rope is you, too – your firm dream of what you want for yourself – your Happy Ever After…

    >>>The harness you’re sitting in is YOU, too – cradling you, and making you feel supported…And…

    >>>The person holding onto the rope on the round – the rope that’s keeping you safe – is YOU, too!

    So – YOU’RE your own backup, she’s keeping you
    feeling strong, she’s PROTECTING YOU. She’s holding onto the rope and protecting you so that YOU can fly free.

    So that you can let go of the wall, stop climbing, stop working so hard, REST for a moment and catch your breath.

    So you can look around you and see where you are, and see the wall a bit more clearly.

    And see your MAN a LOT more clearly.

    So you can hang there, and watch and take it all in and even FEEL how terrifying it is to be just hanging in there and not working so hard! Now…

    6. FEEL WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO JUST BE HANGING
    IN SPACE.

    Now, you have the opportunity to really appreciate the view and appreciate your own strength.

    It also gives you the chance to observe this man to see if he really even deserves to be WITH you on this great adventure…and..

    It gives him some space he didn’t even have to ask for! The kind of space a man NEEDS to be able to show you his strength.

    And it gives him a view of YOU!

    It makes YOU visible as the strong, amazing, beautiful, powerful, sexy, attractive, goddess-like woman you truly are.

    7. FEEL HOW INCREDIBLE IT FEELS TO BE FREE OF
    WORRYING ABOUT THE DARN WALL!

    Feel how it feels even if you’re scared, because getting free and feeling good is always going to feel a bit scary at first…even terrifying.

    But it’s so worth it.

    I know how scary this kind of “freedom” can feel – I always felt that if I could just HOLD ON tight enough, just climb hard enough – my man would come through for me.

    When I felt like I was falling, or just hanging there, my impulse was ALWAYS to get back on that rock face and keep trying to climb across, upside down, sideways, up – whatever it took.

    My feelings were always so tied up in the goal – GETTING to the top. I couldn’t even feel what I was REALLY feeling – which was ANGER, desperation, and… disgust.

    I felt disgust with him, disgust with the wall, disgust with the process, distrust and disgust for love… and for myself.

    But when I learned to stop climbing, I didn’t even have to think about whether I was “letting go” or not – I just knew I didn’t have to hold on so hard!

    So, the next time you recognize yourself holding on so tight out of desperation, imagine yourself climbing the wall, remember this tool, and then STOP HOLDING ON. Stop Climbing.

    Even if you don’t know it right now, you CAN trust yourself – I KNOW you can!

    I know if you try this Tool and focus on the fun of hanging there, trusting yourself and being able to see and feel everything around you – you’ll feel better. I do when I imagine this, and I know you will, too!

    The moment you stop your EFFORT, your vibe changes. You stop being in boy energy and you lean back into your calm, feminine self.

    You become hard to get without playing games
    because you know you’re OK no matter what HE does.

    When you stop climbing, that’s when a man shakes out of his stupor and PAYS ATTENTION TO YOU.

    When you stop working so hard to meet a man and you let go of the need to control when and how he’s going to show up in your life, a wonderful thing happens.

    You become more attractive to all men, because
    you’re more relaxed, happier, and confident. A woman who can be happy and trust herself and lean
    back is magnetic.

    Suddenly, you create the space for all kinds of great men to show up out of nowhere who want to climb WITH you!

    Who want to TAKE you to your Happy Ever After.

    When you stop working so hard to hold onto a man, and stop working so hard to move the relationship up that “wall,” you automatically make a man feel compelled to BE with you.

    You inspire him to WANT to hold the rope for you, to harness himself to you, to create a path up that wall and take you there as fast as he can!

    So try this STOP CLIMBING visualization, and let me know how it works for you.

    Tools like this one actually create a whole new reality for yourself that your brain recognizes as REAL.

    The result? You’ll automatically start building more respect for yourself inside.

    UNVEIL THE MODERN SIREN IN YOU

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 10:09pm

  103. 103: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I can guarantee you that continuing to act from anger will NOT make him want to be with you.

    This is true in any relationship with a man, from the first date to the last breath you take together.

    A man is there with us because he wants to be,
    and for no other reason.

    So insisting that he toe the line and do ANYTHING you ask him to do – even if it’s for the good of your marriage – will get you nowhere.

    Emma, focus on YOU. If you cannot smile and be
    happy around him, then perhaps you have your answer – perhaps you don’t really want to be with
    him.

    For specific Tools on how to deal with your anger, you’ll want to check out my Reconnect Your Relationship program.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 10:13pm

  104. 104: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Then, when we finally go to talk to him, he can FEEL (yes, men really ARE sensitive, just in different ways than we are…) all that stored-up and stuffed-down and tense energy coming from us, and to him it feels like we’re screaming at him, and he just blocks us out completely.

    The reason we automatically get blocked out is that our energy seems to him to be screaming at
    him that:

    1. You’re very upset, needy, angry and scared,
    and…

    2. It’s his fault.

    And before he even hears our words, just from our energy, he’s shut himself down.

    REASON #2: HE HEARS YOU, BUT THEN HE SHUTS DOWN

    So, he’s actually stayed conscious long enough to hear what you say to him, to see your body Language – and the force of it – EVEN IF YOU’RE
    BEING “NICE” and “REASONABLE” – completely
    overwhelms him.

    This time, he HEARS what you’re saying, and what it sounds like to him is:

    1. You’re upset, and…

    2. It’s his fault

    (You can see this is the pattern. No matter what you say or do…he hears that he’s made you unhappy…and it’s his fault.)

    So, what happens to him?

    He almost instantly becomes overcome by anger.

    He’s angry at himself because he’s made you upset, and he’s angry at YOU for making him feel
    bad.

    The moment you tell him something’s his fault, ten it becomes his fault, and he has to challenge you

    Then, for a decent, good man, who hasn’t done
    anything really bad to you, he doesn’t want to mow you down with his anger, which frightens him, too, because society has told him he has to keep his aggressive, angry feelings in check or he could hurt somebody, often, instead of responding at all – he shuts down.

    He mutters under his breath and walks into aother room where he can slam a door.

    Or, sometimes he may show some anger, attacking
    you because he feels attacked, but mostly he just wants to get out of there and lick his wounds.

    He may stew in anger for awhile, too, while pretending everything’s “okay” (while we try hard
    to get him to “open up) – and just withdraw.

    He’s shut down.

    REASON #3: HE HEARS YOU, THEN HE SHUTS DOWN –
    BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT IS HIS FAULT.

    He hears you, but then he shuts down completely
    – overcome by anger and guilt – because he KNOWS
    it’s his fault.

    He knows he did something bad to you.

    Men actually know when they’ve hurt you, when they’ve stepped over the line.

    Unless he’s a Toxic Man – a narcissist or a sociopath (men who don’t even see you as a real
    person) – he knows when he’s done something a man isn’t supposed to do.

    He may know it in a clueless sort of way, but he knows, when you point it out – that he did something wrong.

    And when he KNOWS he’s done something wrong,
    the only way he can handle his guilt over it is to get angry at you!

    Then, he shuts down and withdraws because he
    feels even worse – now he feels ashamed for both
    what he did, and also for getting angry at you

    From an email.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 10:27pm

  105. 105: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    For now, simply work with the Tool we’re using here – the concept of talking WITH a man, instead of AT him or TO him – even if he’s standing there saying nothing.

    This means you:

    1. Say one sentence – one Feeling Message or Don’t Want (in the ebook) – at a time, ask him what he THINKS, then stop.

    2. Listen to him, even if he says nothing.

    3. Don’t ask him how he feels, don’t explain yourself or go into more detail, instead…

    4. Say another sentence, ask what he thinks, then stop and listen.

    5. Your feelings will change throughout even this short conversation.

    Your anger may get more intense.

    Your fear may show up big time.

    You may be tempted to TELL him what he’s doing
    wrong and what he needs to do to fix it.

    Don’t give in to temptation. No matter how “nicely” you put it, he’ll be offended and angry
    if you tell him what he’s doing wrong and what he
    needs to do to fix it.

    Instead – in this one-sentence-at-a-time way,
    express how YOU FEEL.

    SHARE with him how uncomfortable, upset, confused, overwhelmed, angry or scared you are.

    SHARE with him how “icky” it feels to feel like that.

    Ask him what he thinks should be done, and what he wants to do – don’t give him options, opinions or instructions.

    Remember – this is WITH him.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 10:31pm

  106. 106: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its fuchkin healed omg a HUSBAND means sex and comfort

    it does NOT mean smothering and boring sexual unsatisfaction

    and this is from spending time with SexualCD this weekend!! wow the one who i felt disappionted with cuz he put me down

    and wow guess what i got so much healing from that that it so doesnt matter cuz

    my biggest fear of marriage si healed now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    thank you thak you thank you

    i feel so thank ful

    oh

    my god

    omg

    im gonna have a great husband i feel loved and SEXED with

    oh jezuz thank youuuu

    omg

    thrill/!

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 11:15pm

  107. 107: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ive also shifted from stubbornly not answering texts to

    answering first time texts and writing that i dont text but it would feel nice to talk

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 11:16pm

  108. 108: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yaaay my period came. it was only a few days late. i like that it lined up with the new moon. i was actually hoping for that to happen, but i felt freaked out when 28 days passed and it waasn’t here.

    i feel so grateful that my body was just lining me up with the moon. that is what we’ve been working for.

    i feel like magic.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 11:16pm

  109. 109: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #41 Ella

    Ouch to SSU, and good bye. Like somebody said he showed you who he was, better sooner than later.

    I was reading somewhere yesterday about how women can fall in love with a man’s potential and are sorely disappointed down the track when he fails.

    His weight and clothes you can accept, they are just on the outer, but his “stuff” is his inner……..

    You have come too far to be with a judgemental man.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 11:26pm

  110. 110: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the stubbornly not answering texts gave me the power of detachment to where now im like ok i can do it nto worry about if they poof

    and its ok if i also answer them no ‘anxiety vibe’ around it so they call

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 11:28pm

  111. 111: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – yay !! yay for the moon lineup to me too

    wooopeee

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 11:29pm

  112. 112: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella again

    He TOLD you who he was, just like BW was saying yesterday about how her man said he only wanted casual but of course as women we think we can fix things when we have been doing the thing we did pre RR……but we really do have to listen to the words when they tell us them, my God I could have saved myself YEARS of sorrow if only I had listened to what they said, I must have had selective hearing. :oops:

    “He said ‘Ok sorry but I can’t change who I am”

    He is not going to change who he is, he told you, and of course he doesn’t have to.

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 11:37pm

  113. 113: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    go Daria go

    you are awesome!

    your beliefs that you ahve to have pain and you won’t have love are falling away transforming and shifting into more and more pleasure bliss health wholeness and love and life and naturalness

    Thursday, 24 November 2011 @ 11:45pm

  114. 114: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria rocks!

    Daria is so soft! so attractive! such great boundaries!

    Daria draws men inf rom far away with her black hole energy receiving power over the entire planet

    Daria draws men in close and inspires them to heal

    Daria inspires men to vleive they can heal

    Daria heals

    Daria is the juice and the cup of the universe

    Daria is the pie!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 12:17am

  115. 115: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yah now im scared that ill marry him and he’ll change like

    ill find out he doesnt like sea turtles or something and i Like sea turtles and / or

    i will change as i consistently transform and i won’t feel good with him anymore

    :(

    mf

    i want to heal this !!!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 12:25am

  116. 116: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Alright I’m trying to come up with a script to express something when we finally have our official talk about him offering me what I want.

    I want to express that it feels good to receive lots of attention from my guy (messages through the day, lunch invites, etc), without it coming across like I’m telling him to do that! Argh this is hard!

    Any ideas anybody? Or is bringing that up being controlling????

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 12:49am

  117. 117: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I spent Thanksgiving with close friends of the family…and some of their extended family…and it was OK but I felt myself not wanting to be there more than a couple of hours.

    I found myself feeling bored and completely, totally uninterested in the smalltalk carrying on with people I didn’t know. I gravitated toward my familiar folks and found myself avoiding certain people altogether. It was a bit akward at times and I just wanted to leave.I was hoping I didn’t appear rude, but I cannot listen to droning on about people’s kids I don’t even know.

    zzzz….sorry…I honestly don’t care.

    I was also feeling piney and sad…

    When I left and was driving home, I realized that I was feeling so sad and missed all of my past boyfriends at once…I hate Thanksgiving!

    I was pining for Recycled during the drive home, pining for my toxic ex and his daugther during dinner…etc etc…I just had a hard time being in the moment and being happy for others, etc.

    I sat there feeling self conscious and like a failure for being single….and without kids. And I was analyzing myself during the whole meal rather than enjoying my food.

    Ick.

    Also beating myself up for leaning forward with CityCD when he is clearly A WASTE OF TIME.

    I need to cycle past, move on and find new prospects.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:20am

  118. 118: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW re 81,

    Yes I can see what recent incidences are showing about expressing anger… and actually in the past sometimes when I have expressed it I have felt suprised when the man shows back up again.

    I don’t know, I feel torn.

    Sometimes I can find fear underneath and sometimes I just feel anger.

    In toxic men there is a roleplay with a woman who feels angry and Rori encourages her to express it.

    I am wondering if with the right man it won’t matter. And it will just be another emotion in the range that gets expressed to open communication although atm it seems to be pushing some men away.

    Although tbh I am not 100% sure if I would want them around.

    I feel unsure on this issue.

    xoxox

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:23am

  119. 119: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Online potential CD emailed me…the one that mentioned other women in first email (women he’s met on the site that didn’t look as good in person as in their pic) and I used feeling messages to express that it felt icky, etc. and that I don’t want to hear about other women…blah blah…he apologized…

    Now he’s mentioned another woman AGAIN…albeit a high school sweetheart…but still I feel turned off…big time. I am a lil sensitive about that boundary these days…shut up about the other women already!

    I honestly don’t think I’m going to reply. I dunno. I feel so so turned off and meeh….blah about it

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:26am

  120. 120: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    BW, can you find ways to express how good you feel when he does those things for you as he does them? If you suggest them to him, he will probably do them for you to make you happy, but it robs him of some of his masculinity.

    If you can be genuinely happy and appreciative when he does these things off his own bat, he will feel a boost to his masculinity, and since you caused him to feel that, he will find you more attractive because of the effect you have on his masculinity. Then he will more want to do more and more of those things.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:27am

  121. 121: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Like I feel totally unmotivated and impatient to constantly repeat myself…
    i.e. Ocean CD and the texting…
    hellllooooo……………LOL I told him I DONT WANT TO TEXT…
    what did he do? TEXTTTT!!! LOL HAHAHAH well I feel amused…that’s about it.

    Next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:28am

  122. 122: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    HMmmm,

    I am not using anger to cover depression.

    I simply do not feel depressed.

    Oh and I don’t spew my feelings either. I touch in, work out what I am feeling, often give it some time to be sure, and then share if I want to or if the emotion persists.

    My emotions are my internal thermostat.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:31am

  123. 123: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm re 102

    I am not acting from anger either.

    I am sharing when I feel anger, along with sharing when I feel all the other emotions too, positive and negative.

    I intend not to be afraid of my anger.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:35am

  124. 124: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 97

    Just re-read it…

    Oh I get it now, the depression and covering up intensity drains other people… not the anger.

    Phew. I feel pleased to see that.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:49am

  125. 125: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Awww ((((Emerson)))). I know where you’re coming from – I’ve been there many times. I hope you start feeling better soon – things will get better, trust me. xxx

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:52am

  126. 126: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    119: RiverGirl – yeah good point. I just hope he does something I like sometime soon! :P

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:54am

  127. 127: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Waaaaaaahhhh! I hate it when he goes out and I have no idea where he’s at or who he’s with! :(

    I’m home with my girls tonight so will concentrate on them until the little one goes to bed (which is soon). Then I’ll go to bed too – or I might watch some of my Rori Raye stuff…

    I need to STOP thinking about that man!!!!!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:58am

  128. 128: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm I feel confused.

    SSU Cd was doing some stuff which made me feel so good, and is such a lovely man in lots of ways…

    And the judgemental stuff triggered me and I feel so turned off.

    I feel unsure about whether I want to reply to his last text and say how I am not blaming him and hearing those kind of things feels awful to me and I feel upset when I hear that stuff…

    or whether to just leave it and assume that a better man will show up with SSU CDs good qualities, and without the judgemental ones…

    I don’t know if this is HIM, or just something he was saying cus he felt nervous or whatever, although to be fair he has not once said he didn’t mean it…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:12am

  129. 129: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Well I experimented with replying this time.

    I am clear with myself that I don’t want those kind of bad feeling judgemental attitudes in my life.

    My ex was very, very judgemental, and would rant often about stuff to the point where I actually got up and walked out of restaurants while we were having dinner cus it felt so triggering.

    I wonder why this is so triggering to me and where in my life I am being judgemental and whether I am trying to supress that?

    I wonder what the lesson is here.

    When it is my own lesson I often cannot see the wood for the trees.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:16am

  130. 130: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    96 Lili,

    He wanted to. I didn’t ask or even mention her. But, I feel like I took any progress we made back tonight when I was being too needy. I slept better without him here and will get more done so I should be glad he left. He told me that he would see me today so we shall see.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:20am

  131. 131: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, I’m like you are with judgemental people too. My last ex had a thing against a certain race, and come to think of it, so did ex #2.

    TH isn’t racist at all, which is good.

    I still feel REALLY icky right now though. This morning he said “We’ll talk later” when we got to work. It’s 8.25pm, he’s out on the town somewhere, and no word. NOT happy… :(

    He’s also going out with a male friend to watch a soccer game tomorrow night, then he has drinks with the boys on Sunday. I’m starting to see a pattern. I hate that pattern.

    So what do I do about it? Do I walk away from it, or do I express that I’d rather he spent less time with the boys and more with me??

    It would feel yuk expressing that because like it was said before, it would be like he was only doing it to keep me happy – not because he wanted to. HELP! :(

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:28am

  132. 132: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    :( :( :( I’m almost sure he’s out with that woman. ARGH!!!! Somebody PLEASE stop me from texting him!!!

    Too late. I texted him and I soooo shouldn’t have! He’s actually on his way here, but didn’t mention if he’d been out with her or not.

    I need to really watch my insecurities here…. cos I am almost 100% sure he was out with her. She had texted him (or he’d texted her) this morning, so it’s possible they arranged to meet across from where we work.

    My gut tells me he did.

    He asked me why I wanted to know. I said that I just had a bad feeling and not that he couldn’t do stuff with her (as a friend), but I’d feel better if we talked about it all first and work out what’s comfortable for both of us.

    I know I did bad, but he seems ok. He’s asked if I could pick him up from the station – I’d know if he was cranky with me…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:44am

  133. 133: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    BW, when I’m feeling all those needy agitated vibes I have a little “me time”
    First thing, I divert both phones to message bank and turn them off so I can’t be reached. Don’t want to be tempted to answer any of those late night drunk texts or calls. If it’s a real emergency, they can call emergency services!
    Then, it’s time for some music while I do a bet of wardrobe therapy and put together some date outfits for all those dates coming up.
    Later I might put on a lovely face mask for a relaxing treatment before heading to bed maybe with a feel good motivational book to read.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:55am

  134. 134: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    BW!!! I was too slow! When all else fails go with your gut. :-)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:59am

  135. 135: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Haha yes you were! But everything’s ok I think.

    He’s almost here. Maybe we’ll talk a bit tonight after my girls are in bed. Sigh… I never had insecurities like this with anyone else ever!!!

    I don’t know why he triggers this in me. Maybe something to heal after my ex cheated on me maybe…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:04am

  136. 136: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    BW I am with Rivergirl.

    Sounds like you are in a state of ‘emergency’ and acting out of urges and what might be needed is a bit of me time, focus off him…

    Sleep on it… stay away from the phone…

    And then IF you still want to discuss stuff with him when you are feeling a lil less triggered you can and ‘urgent’ then you can.

    I usually try to give myself some space between feeling an intense feeling and responding, I think it is the difference between reacting and responding…

    xoxox

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:07am

  137. 137: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    BW one thing that pops out at me reading your posts is there seems to be a lot of heavy ‘talking’ with you and TH … about the relationship.

    And something Rori said always sticks with me, about creating the relationship instead of talking about it.

    I just wonder if some of the issues might go away if you guys focused on being in the moment and having fun… so that it all felt light, fun and breezy, rather than so intense and urgent?

    Although you can still have boundaries within that.

    If the sex triggers you and make you feel like FWB personally I would be looking to make a now sex boundary until I felt 100% happy with the way I was being courted…

    What do you think?

    xoxox

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:18am

  138. 138: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Ella your advice to BW is just what I needed. Things were great with LP when I didn’t need things to happen in our relationship. Great advice! :)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:21am

  139. 139: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Is this a bad feeling message? Please help, I am so horrible at them. “I have hurt myself all I can stand and I feel like I need some space today.  Do you think you could drop off my sons wallet while you are out today?”

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:26am

  140. 140: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ice Princess how about writing about how your heart is feeling? Heavy hearted, fragile? I would try to write about my heart.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 4:50am

  141. 141: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I understand. I believe the right man can hear your anger and not be put off. However, we can express it at the wrong time to him. Or we can express it with an intensity that temporarily pushes him away. I also believe we can say it in a way that makes him wrong. I believe in this case he was made wrong. Aside from that your internal state was comminucating that you were not attracted to him. That combination I believe could have pushed him away. I am also wondering about simply expressing “I feel angry and want to get something off my chest that is causing me to feel heavy hearted. Is now a good time to talk?” Otherwise, could he have felt attacked or suddenly pounced on for being himself? Or could he have felt that you do not get him? Also he could have known that he was being an ………………… without you pointing out the obvious. Just my thoughts. Hoping you can catch yourself when you feel angry and find out what it is about. See where in your body the feelings appear and put your hand on it to soothe the feeling and maybe release it in another way.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:06am

  142. 142: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I am feelig way bettet this mornig. Obviously P hasen’t reply to my text. That’s what I asked him for! I don’t care. I don’t really want to hear from him anymore. He so much a waste of time. I don’t understand why I’m so into him.

    But this morning I feel better. I feel strong. I feel calm. I feel serene. I also feel excited about my weekend and my office Christmas party. I took super good care of me, shved my legs, exfoliate my body and my pretty face, had an cinditioning treatment for my hair, waxed my eyebrow, bought myself a so Carrie Bradshaw outfit. Yay! I’m excited about feeling sexy tonight.

    I was feeling scared and lowered because most of te people from my office are attending the party with their wife or husband and I was not. I felt I was going to feel lonely. But no. I am single and I am a siren and I am gonna attract all the men in this room! I’m gonna make the married women jealous of all this attention and the married men jealous not to be with me. Hehe! I will use this party as a big practice for being a siren. I feel extremely confidant! Yay me!!!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:10am

  143. 143: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson some men are boundary pushers and many men test us to see what we are made of. Establishing your rules for yourself and just expressing them or acting on them because you are strong on the inside I believe to be a winning combination. You requiring him to toe the line could cause his rebellious little boy to act out. But it could also be a lesson for you in there. Friends talk about their exes so I would check the profile again to see what he says he wants and what he says about himself. Also I am wondering if you should ask him if there is something you need to know that would prevent you from dating him? “You know, I feel really awkward about this, and I’ve noticed you keep mentioning other women, are you married? Is there something I should know about you that would keep me from accepting a date with you?” This is a feeling message I picked up from one of Rori’s past articles.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:24am

  144. 144: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka is there anything in particular that you intend to practice visualizing and telling yourself while there? Any particular tools you intend to practice?

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:26am

  145. 145: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I think of practicing eye contact and 5 seconds smile. I’m really bad at that. Maybe lean back position if guys come to talk to me and melting also. Any other suggestions?

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:29am

  146. 146: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka you might be unconsciously attracted to him and it might be a good thing if you could figure that out. Attraction is not an act of will. It just is so I don’t believe you can turn it off or on by will. As a matter of fact even if the man is not good for you, I am thinking cherishing your aliveness and be pleased with yourself, your juicy body for allowing you to feel turned on. He is just the means for you to enjoy these juicy emotions that can help you enjoy life. Plus the bottom line is other people with the right combination of triggers can stir up these emotions in you too.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:31am

  147. 147: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka how about visualizing a tree truck going from your back all the way down into the earth and anchoring you to the earth so that you know you are strong on the inside so that you can be soft on the outside. Also read 101 above and do it will saying I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself. I believe in preparation for the event you can Paint Yourself with Love. Spend some time in front of the mirror looking at yourself and using water to paint as much detail on your face with love.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:36am

  148. 148: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://soulmatesecretnow.com/online-course/free-online-class/

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:41am

  149. 149: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    105:

    Daria,

    You’re a strong awesome Siren!

    Applause! Applause! :)

    I’m so happy for you.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 6:03am

  150. 150: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, are you related to my story with P in 145? Not sure to understand?

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 6:10am

  151. 151: IzzyNo Gravatar says:

    I woke up this morning feeling really blessed.

    I’m feeling blessed to feel my fear of intimacy going away little by little.

    Isn’t it the most amazing blessing? To overcome fear. That fear that stops us from being all we can be?

    I feel more confident that I will be able to deal with any issue that comes up in my relationship with wisdom.

    I feel wiser.

    I feel blessed that even though I felt fear, I didn’t break my relationship. I kept going, step by step.

    I’m feeling so happy and so calm and in peace. I want to be able to come back to this no matter what happens. If I can feel this now, I can feel this whenever I want.

    Wouldn’t it be amazing to be able to chose what to feel at any given moment? To master your feelings and not to be at their mercy?

    But isn’t it what we are doing here, right now?

    Thank you Rori. Thank you Sirens.

    Changing the world starts with changing ourselves.

    We are changing the world.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 6:12am

  152. 152: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    134:

    BW,

    Have you read Feminine Woman’s posts 97 to 104, especially 99?

    They really hit home for me in the same insecure situation you are.
    We feel threatened by other women bc we are not connected w our man in the way we would like.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 6:17am

  153. 153: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    142 thanks FW
    That is helpful

    120 Ella I would not be so hard on yourself.
    I don’t like what he said in his text…maybe it’s just the way I read it, but when you expressed yourself, it seemed his reaction was kinda temper tantrumy…like ok well if you don’t like it then bye bye to you!
    I may have misread it but thats the attitude that came accross to me…like dismissive and not dedicated…
    Like he could say, “babe, I’m sorry I offended you. I am sorry and I want you to feel better/safe with me. Etc….”

    I dunno..

    Anyway don’t be so hard onyourself judging him for being chubby, etc..I think we all have those inner voices.
    Love to you.. xoxo

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 8:04am

  154. 154: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    LILI I’ve done the same thing with Recycled so many times…
    He’s let me down soo badly…I communicate that it’s not ok with me and I don’t want to talk to him etc…and I am moving on, etc….and poof….then he begs to get back in my world, I mean he really lays it on thick!! complimenting me, my looks, unique things between us…I mean really pouring it on and literally begging to see me. I finally give in and we end up sleeping together eventually (last time it took a couple months before I did) and then I feel like crap because he’s poofed again…
    I think it’s just a game to him and he likes the power of trying to get me back and then being the one to poof. A-hole.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 8:08am

  155. 155: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    BW thank you. xoxo

    I ordered the book “The List” and I skimmed thru it yesterday…very interesting.

    I’ve had a couple List guys in my life…but they were not right for me.

    I find the concept very liberating…it actually kind of takes the pressure off. I just hope I meet another List guy soon that is the right fit for me.

    I also feel like it’s a reminder to stick with my boundaries and what I want/don’t want. I’ve been so emotionally empty / needy that I’ve compromised and taken ANYTHING thrown my way that was semi comforting. I DO NOT want to be like that anymore.

    I also realized I felt self conscious and scared reading the book…like a sense of dread and judgment washing over me when it talkes about our timelines etc…and that our 20s and 30s are prime dating years etc etc…due to pool of men available and the factor of competition from younger women is lower, etc….
    I got really scared that it’s too late for me and I won’t have enough men to pick from and I won’t find anyone….

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 8:19am

  156. 156: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens how do I respond if a man I’ve only emailed online tells me the holidays are lonely because he shares time/custody of the kids…
    It feels mommying to say aw sorry you feel lonely…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:12am

  157. 157: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens how do I respond if a man I’ve only emailed online tells me the holidays are lonely because he shares time/custody of the kids…
    It feels mommying to say aw sorry you feel lonely…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:12am

  158. 158: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    MY THREE BLESSINGS

    1. Having found my feminine energy (and embracing it)

    2. My family

    3. My peace and positive energy

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:13am

  159. 159: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    147:

    Thank you FW! I’m registered. :)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:13am

  160. 160: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I responded to the guy who talks about other women all the time by saying that I feel akward mentioning it but that I noticed he mentions women often, and I feel curious about it. It feels like a turnoff.

    I just left it there!

    Ugh…I feel like I just want to cut off contact and I don’t care about talking to him ever again, but I’m forcing myself to practice!

    I feel annoyed by online dating right now, this sounds sooo judgmental, but there’s a lot of rejects on there. OMG. Like, guys I would NEVER date in a million years. Ever. Either they look gangster, too much older than me, or just ick like I am not attracted at all.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:19am

  161. 161: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lizka (Post #2)

    Thank you so much for the welcome :) !

    The energy here on this blog is tremendous, and it helps with the self discovery. I think you have a good point about the women who think they don’t have to change. It is the ability to recognize that the change is personal to recapture your power. No one wants to admit that they lack self confidence or that they do things wrong . . . but I do! Constantly. That is what I have learned as a siren. I was searching for a way to reach back and reclaim (capture???) my ex and instead found myself (and she is beautiful :) )! As I noted, only one friend has embraced this theory and is going through the ebook and Modern Siren. It is going to be personal to admit and accept her faults, but I know she is ready. That is another thing, the other women I was trying to explain this too think it’s about sharing their weaknesses with others, but it starts with each of us on an individual level. I come from a bunch of alpha women – “strong,” independent, go-getters, managing life and family and work . . . all boy energy in sexy women bodies. I discovered my disconnect when I discovered Rori. And it is a disconnect from the feminine energy I could not understand (but felt) and the masculine energy that was causing having in my love life. I’m living a new life because my heart is now connected to ME. :) Blessings.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:20am

  162. 162: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    153:

    Hugs to you and me sister Siren (((Emerson))).

    I take it as a sign that our inner work remains incomplete.

    I have a total different vibe after he called last night.
    I handled it a lot better than before.
    I feel alot better after reviewing all the progress I have made so far.
    Plus he didn’t poof for very long. It wasn’t even 24 hours. My NVs were at work.
    Something to work on myself: Maybe feeling guilty for indulging in something that feels good to me?
    Remember, never his fault, always return the focus back on ourselves…something there to heal with those NVs being triggered.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:22am

  163. 163: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m thankful for
    my job
    my health
    my family

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:23am

  164. 164: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Emerson (post 156)

    Hi. I’m still very new to this, but maybe tell him how that makes you feel, so it’s about you. I know you want to try to comfort him, but I’m just curious why he said that – as if he want sympathy. The focus is supposed to be on you, right?

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:25am

  165. 165: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    150:

    Thank you Izzy for giving us some uplifting hope. :)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:27am

  166. 166: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    thanks tenny…
    I responded just saying yes the holidays can be lonely…and went on to next topic.
    You are correct when saying it needs to be focus on me….and my feelings. yay siren… :-)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:31am

  167. 167: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    LILI 41 thanks for the hugs…
    Yes, I always feels better after they call…regardless of the problems that still exist…I feel that spark of hope pop up..

    anyway I just sent Recycled a text that for me its best to go back to no contact. I feel like an idiot anyway with him, so what’s the harm in sending the text. He hasn’t returned my call from three weeks ago. My bad for leaning forward, but he had called me last, and we hadn’t talked for a while so…I called. He never called back. This is after I put the boundary up around s*x that I don’t want FWB.

    I guess thats all he wants with me and that hurts. Badly.

    Obviously he’s not a LIST man for me….ouch it is painful because I still have strong feelings for him.

    I figure if I send the text I really don’t care if he replies or not…it’s immaterial. I felt like it was something I wanted to say, like get the last word in (control)…and I did also say I wish him the best and also that I am thankful for the memories with him.

    Left it at that. I know it’s looking for closure and it shouldn’t matter, but I actually feel better after sending it. Maybe I feel like I need to take charge of my boundaries/life instead of feeling like I was left hanging.

    Last time we talked was when I put the boundary out there about s*x and he was trying to convince me to get a hotel for the day/night (since he lives with FEMALE roommate) and I said NO>>>>>

    Well maybe he found another girl to play with. Whatever and I want to move onto a mental state that he does not exist, and I do not need closure….

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:39am

  168. 168: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Ella:

    You did all you could do which was express your feelings. If he sees no wrong in what he said, after you explained it . . . give him a moment to replay the conversation in his head. Experience your feelings Siren and then feel better! You will. (((((HUGS))))

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:41am

  169. 169: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    dorothyd, This is all in his ballpark, and your job is to work on YOU so that you don’t feel so intensely about whatever it is he does. You MUST Circular Date and get your self-esteem up…pining for a man always works against you. Start with my ebook and DO everything in it – the writing, the practicing of the basic Tools. Then Reconnect Your Relationship, Then Modern Siren. Get Heart Connection Toolkit to help lift your spirits, play it all the time and let it do the work for you…Love, Rori

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:49am

  170. 170: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lili and Luzydel

    I took the plunge and paid for eharmony for three months after going through Rori’s Targeting Mr. Right. I needed a little help from a tech because I limited my match potential without knowing it. Get about 15 matches a week now. Don’t bother with the men with no pictures (wonder if I should, but it feels scary). Anyway, it’s been worth the money. I don’t bother with the other dating sites, so I’m saving my money there at least. It takes a long time to set up your profile and I have my personality profile where any match can read it. I have 3 dates lined up this week, so just for the CDing/practice, I’ll get my money’s worth :)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:55am

  171. 171: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    167:

    Whatever happens, we will keep working on ourselves and be proud of the progress we make from having learned through those experiences.
    We can be thankful to ourselves for having that resilience.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 9:58am

  172. 172: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    35 @ Ella (hugs)

    I recommend getting the book called the List…it’s opening my eyes even though I’m scared while reading it…I don’t know why…..

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:21am

  173. 173: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wowwww, i noticed this morning my need to control. to not lean back and let him row.

    I was rushed this morning and didn’t have time to get all gussied up for my lunch date with CF, and I feel crampy, so I thought about trying to raincheck for another time. Then I decided that we’ve been dating for over 4 months and he can see me without makeup and it’ll be okay. But the urge to control, and get him to take me to bfast tomorrow instead, or come over tonight instead and watch movies, was so strong and tempting.

    Then he texts me about what time to meet up, and I said whenever, and he proposes a time and I notice that I wanted to suggest a different time, but for no particular reason. I just have the urge to control things.

    I didn’t control anything, though, I just let him lead, and then he said something that made it seem like he had a plan in mind for us…so if i had tried to control things, i would have stolen his oars for rowing.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:25am

  174. 174: natiaNo Gravatar says:

    hello,its my first time here, even if i am reading Rory already one year…well, I saw myself in every her letter, or exaple… i am doing all mistakes she is talking about..starting with law self esteem, finishing by overworking…i tried to change, to stop doing.. but it did not help, he disappeared more…one thing that i cannot do, its circular dating_ i love this man, and so to flirt with someone else looks false and not true and is not interesting for me..i try to take the focus from him…i have improtant work, travel a lot…try to have active life:concerts, friends..but inside myself, i still think only about him..and its already 2,5 years! i am lost , i cannot move forward, and i cannot get out of it neither… help!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:26am

  175. 175: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    The List rules out F03CD, RecycledCD, OceanCD, CityCD and pretty much any of my prospective CDs.

    It’s ok though.

    I feel like the book is a good source, even though when reading the stories of the women who married young and lived happily ever after, I do have feelings come up of resentment/unworthiness/shame/being old/feeling not good enough/unspecial/not attractive enough/sadness….loss….

    I want to heal that….

    I wonder why I didn’t have a real sense of urgency in my early 30’s….I had this feeling that things would work out fine and I had plenty of time…as far as relationships go…

    I was more stressed about restarting a career since I had been laid off. I focused on that so much because I felt I had to be in a career to be complete..as a woman. Not true.

    I felt lost in a way and I thought it was because of my career being off kilter and interrupted…but I was not realy that stressed about a relationship for many years (I had a boyfriend almost always…but did go thru a dry spell for about a year or two in my early 30s)

    I feel so scared to be alone and without male attention……..I hate feeling this way.

    Thanks for listening sirens. Just have to get all this out somewhere…..

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:27am

  176. 176: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    174 the boyfriends I had in early 30s I hung on to way to long…they were not LIST men…

    Even toxic EX was not a LIST man but he stepped up his game and “snapped to” when he knew he was losing me…proposed and was really trying to get back together with me…I could have married him, but may not have lasted…I dunno.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:30am

  177. 177: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ive made compromises in my morals and boundaries because of my emotional needs and emotional imbalance…
    It’s told to us in church, etc…dont do this or that or dont waver from your moral character etc….just don’t do it….
    Which is great advice…but it’s hard to JUST NOT DO THIS OR THAT….because someone commands you not to…
    when you are not ok emotionally…..
    The drive is to comfort ourselves and sometiems we send ourselves in the wrong direction for immediate relief…
    I do believe this is human nature….
    and it’s not enough for the church or whomever else to just COMMAND not doing this or that…and not offer the comfort and emotional support needed…its wrong

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:32am

  178. 178: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ive seen pics of my ex from my 20s and how he looks today, I’m so not attracted at all…I ws so in love with him back when…he was almost a decade older than me…
    I am not attracted to men who are too much older than me…I feel turned off and icky. I want a guy my age…but in the early 40s range I’m nto sure the pool is that promising….aaaaccckkkk

    Feeling hopeless

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:35am

  179. 179: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 157 Emerson I guess I would say “hhhhmmm I know exactly how you feel”. I have been through that myself.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:37am

  180. 180: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I wish dating sites had age ranges not telling your exact age…I feel that I’m judged for being 40 and I’m really hung up on it right now. I feel open to being with a guy who is five years younger or older….but
    I think when they know my age it is a problem…
    If I meet guys out int he world organically, they don’t generally guess that I’m 40…they think I’m in my mid (or even early) 30s….

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:45am

  181. 181: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Tenny

    Re 161

    Hi Tenny, you’ve got a point when you say “No one wants to admit that they lack self confidence or that they do things wrong…”.

    When I talk to my girl friends about making changes in my habits and attitude, the ALL say that I’m too hard with myself, that it’s not about me, that I’m blaming myself for something that I am not doing and they’re totally trying to convince me that I am perfect and that is the guy who is wrong. I don’t want to think like that because it means that I can not change the situation.

    And when I suggest them to change their attitute toward a guy, they get all defensive and say that they don’t have to and that if the guy is not accepting them like that, he doesn’t deserve it. But these girls are all angry at men and they are not happy in their romantic life. I feel sad for them. I would like to help them but are totally closed to that.

    Too bad. I am happy with my choices and happy to be here.

    :)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:45am

  182. 182: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    The list book talks about not being frustrated because it comes off to men as desperation….but I don’t know how to not feel frustrated right now…I think I need to get on some medications or something.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:46am

  183. 183: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson you can focus your attention on gratitude and happy past experiences.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:48am

  184. 184: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    178 FW thanks for the suggestion..it shows vulnerability.

    I am so scared of that.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:50am

  185. 185: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    182 FW yes thank you…

    I am at a crossroads right now…I’m looking for a new job as I start a new career…I love my current job but it does not pay enough…so anyway…I may have to move out of the area and I feel sad…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:51am

  186. 186: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel that in the past when I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of others, I was not accepted or comforted…like I expressed myself, and perhaps even started crying and saying my feelings to whomever was there at the time (friend, church group, parent) and I was met with a stoic and stone faced reaction…I felt sooo stupid. OMG this is flooding at me today…help I hate it….OMG I’m so not wanting to go thru that again

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:53am

  187. 187: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson I read somewhere that Rori says (or was it Arielle Ford) to use what we learn here on job interviews. Because want to feel good about hiring you. A new job can boost the self esteem but the thing that came to me is that to magnitize the best job, focussing on how you would feel in the new job. Feelizations is apparently what attracts what we want. I would create a vision of my ideal job and how I would feel in it, if I were you. Remember it is what is in our internal state that we create in the world.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:55am

  188. 188: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka 180

    something i started noticing about myself when i really got into this Rori stuff is how awful it feels when i hear other women talking badly about their guys or how unhappy they are.

    As though they were prisoner and could do nothing for relief but complain.

    My best friend very rarely complains about her husband, same with when she wasn’t married to him yet.

    Whenever we complain about our guys to each other, we tend to play devil’s advocate in response. We stand up for each others’ guys. But we’ve been best friends for 17 years and have the safeness to do this.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:56am

  189. 189: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson you should allow yourself to cry, if that is how you feel.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 10:57am

  190. 190: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    188 thanks FW….I did last night after dinner when driving home,a nd when I got home I felt a lil bit better.
    I hate crying because it scares me.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:01am

  191. 191: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson

    Re 167

    Big hugs. I’m living the same thing with P. I let him go and asked for no contact (unless it’s for good reasons). I’ll be open if he comes back but now he is just poisoning my life.

    What about you? Are you opeb to have him back or you really want to close it?

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:05am

  192. 192: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    190 Lizka thanks for sharing,,,,
    I would love to be able to be open and think that somehting could work out with Recycled, but I think it’s best that I just cut him out because we’ve been thru this before…and he’s still going thru a divorce…and he does just want FWB I guess. If he’s not having the committment alarm go off with me by now, it never will…I don’t think ( I got that from The List book)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:12am

  193. 193: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Crying is a natural cleansing process given to humans to assist with healing emotions. Hate connected to crying feels to me like resisting oneself and one’s vulnerability. I don’t know about you Emerson but sometimes I feel weary of being strong and just want to melt into myself.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:34am

  194. 194: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Now I want to read this List Book. And I am thinking to buy it to all my girl friends for Christmas! Oh and maybe to the female collegue who told me about Rori? I think I need to thank her.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:36am

  195. 195: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    My Three Blessings for today:

    1. I feel blessed for getting closer to some female coworkers. I am developing a friendship with 2 girls at my office now and it’s reassuring.

    2. I feel blessed for the Christmas party we gonna have tonight, the good food and the wine.

    3. I feel blessed for the good taste I have when it comes to fashion. Everyday, there is woman envying me for my style.

    Yay! I feel good!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:42am

  196. 196: VWNo Gravatar says:

    Okay Sirens,

    the past few days haven’t been feeling too good…so, I wrote down some stuff…these are things I wrote over the course of a couple of days…it is my recent story…as much as a beat myself about some of the things I did…overall, I am actually doing pretty darn good…:)

    so, here is the 1st part:

    “Wow…
    What is the message here? Why did I hire this man to “beat” me up…?
    Feeling soo powerless…and gosh, angry and tense…
    I wonder did I just get played? And I fell for it beautifully?

    Is he just crazy…seeing things like me lying to him, sleeping with someone else…or is he playing a game? Projecting on me…to divert attention from himself?

    Argh…I feel sooo tempted to analyze… darn it…I want to “win”…wow…what the f*ck do I want to win? Being right? Getting a step ahead? Make him realize what fool he‘s been…? What’s the point…I think this dude is a pure asshole…

    What if is just intentionally playing me… it feels so bad… and I feel soo angry for falling for it…I felt so defensive being insinuated of having slept with someone else…wow…what a déjà vu again…I used to be him…and, I was crazy…:( I can see it very clearly…I did it to K1 and J…

    And now, this guy is here for over four weeks I get awful treatment…and I still stick around?!!!! What the fuck? What is wrong with me? What is this situation bringing up for me to heal?

    Okay, okay…I get it…part of me feels joyful for this opportunity to heal the part of me that needs healing in this context…but what is that? I can’t get the message? Forgiveness of Self for doing similar things to others in the past because I didn’t know how to communicate my needs? Is that it???

    I feel soo confused…and dreary….i feel tummy bulging…like something needs to get out…oh, heart feels achy…neck feels stiff…like an eagle…my eyes feel deepened and focused…

    Ah…confusing…does it mean i am close to a new breakthrough? Sigh…oh, that feels better…a bit release…

    Hmm…out of the blue…my mind directed me for the 1st time ever to see what man coaches man to do to get a woman…and I remembered about David D*eangelo…

    Wow…I know the guy I’ve been dating he’s been a proclaimed “celibate” and often will take pride in “games”…the good part about feeling vulnerable, men spill the bees…they talk a lot…we just have to pay attention…

    So, here is David D*eangelo advising men how to up their attraction in a woman…and how to get a woman fall for them…not be the nice guy, avoid taking them on another date…literally play games about it…and just get them to have sex …:(

    My dude apparently does most of the “game” part awesomely…building attraction, etc…but, I threw him off…Couple of weeks ago, he said he wants to see me…I said, “wow…that feels great…it would feel awesome to go out for a bit first…what do u think?” he responded “oh…I am on a budget…[sad face]”…I followed up…”oh, I understand…I really feel like going out for a bit though…what do u think we should do?”…he responded “well, how about I wait for u to get home…?”

    I agreed to it…I felt Rockstar enough to get my needs met out flirting and dancing…and have great sex at home…”

    to be continued…below…:

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:44am

  197. 197: VWNo Gravatar says:

    Okay Sirens,

    the past few days haven’t been feeling too good…so, I wrote down some stuff…these are things I wrote over the course of a couple of days…it is my recent story…as much as a beat myself about some of the things I did…overall, I am actually doing pretty darn good…:)

    so, here is the 1st part:

    “Wow…
    What is the message here? Why did I hire this man to “be*at” me up…?
    Feeling soo powerless…and gosh, angry and tense…
    I wonder did I just get played? And I fell for it beautifully?

    Is he just crazy…seeing things like me lying to him, sleeping with someone else…or is he playing a game? Projecting on me…to divert attention from himself?

    Argh…I feel sooo tempted to analyze…:( darn it…I want to “win”…wow…what the f&ck do I want to win? Being right? Getting a step ahead? Make him realize what fool he‘s been…? What’s the point…I think this dude is a pure as*shole…

    What if is just intentionally playing me…:( it feels so bad… and I feel soo angry for falling for it…I felt so defensive being insinuated of having slept with someone else…wow…what a déjà vu again…I used to be him…and, I was crazy…:( I can see it very clearly…I did it to K1 and J…

    And now, this guy is here and for over seven weeks I get awful treatment…and I still stick around?!!!! What the fu&ck? What is wrong with me? What is this situation bringing up for me to heal?

    Okay, okay…I get it…part of me feels joyful for this opportunity to heal the part of me that needs healing in this context…but what is that? I can’t get the message? Forgiveness of Self for doing similar things to others in the past because I didn’t know how to communicate my needs? Is that it???

    I feel soo confused…and dreary….i feel tummy bulging…like something needs to get out…oh, heart feels achy…neck feels stiff…like an eagle…my eyes feel deepened and focused…

    Ah…confusing…does it mean i am close to a new breakthrough? Sigh…oh, that feels better…a bit release…

    Hmm…out of the blue…my mind directed me for the 1st time ever to see what man coaches man to do to get a woman…and I remembered about David D*eangelo…

    Wow…I know the guy I’ve been dating he’s been a proclaimed “celibate” and often will take pride in “games”…the good part about feeling vulnerable, men spill the bees…they talk a lot…we just have to pay attention…

    So, here is David D*eangelo advising men how to up their attraction in a woman…and how to get a woman fall for them…not be the nice guy, avoid taking them on another date…literally play g*ames about it…and just get them to have s*ex …:(

    My dude apparently does most of the “g*ame” part awesomely…building attraction, etc…but, I threw him off…Couple of weeks ago, he said he wants to see me…I said, “wow…that feels great…it would feel awesome to go out for a bit first…what do u think?” he responded “oh…I am on a budget…[sad face]”…I followed up…”oh, I understand…I really feel like going out for a bit though…what do u think we should do?”…he responded “well, how about I wait for u to get home…?”

    I agreed to it…I felt Rockstar enough to get my needs met out flirting and dancing…and have great s*ex at home…”

    to be continued…below…:

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:49am

  198. 198: VWNo Gravatar says:

    continuation of above post:

    While I was out…he constantly txted me…I kindly responded on and off…I could tell by his messages he was tense (okay, me in his business assuming what he was thinking :( )…later that nite, he came over…he was asking a lot of questions…I felt soft, playful…and happy…that would stir him become even more inquisitive…

    It turned out…he had difficulty releasing…I could tell he was awfully frustrated…:( in the morning, before he left, I asked him if he has other partners since we met…he immediately responded – and that sounded like being pissed off…”well, funny that u ask that…no, I did not…but that was all on my mind all nite…that’s why I couldn’t even cum…u are way too “open”… (he was referring to me being juicy and he could slide inside me easily…)…” yep, not a cool conversation…

    And recently, similar accusations…:(

    So, me taking care of me…yet, still being warm and soft…he doesn’t know what to do…but make up stuff in his mind…that I must be having s*ex with other men…I recently got pissed at his allegations…and I flat out told him “of course, I flirt with men…of course, I give them my number…of course, I am open to dates…are u f*king kidding me? Do I have to mope around wondering when K thinks I am worthy to be taken out on a date? No f*ck no…I take care of me…” …he was also puzzled that I go out alone to date myself…

    By the way, it did not start like this…in our fourth weekend together, after having enough of feeling attacked and blamed…(he has outbursts of anger)…I walked away…and left him in my home …and took care of me;…well, since…I made the mistake to contact him a week later…(leaned forward :( )

    I expressed my feelings…he only mirrored me without trying to make it up …and a few days later…he said he can’t do the “relationship” thing…but we can be friends…yet, he immediately began flirting and seducing me…and the horny me…I fell for it…and true is, I thought we were back where we left off…but, I was wrong…

    Wow…as I type all these thoughts and memories…my gosh…that is the breakthrough…I am doing so fucking awesomely…My “play*a” is playing his own fu*cking game, all alone…cause now, I am really out…

    I am taking care of me…and I am doing something sooo frickIn*ng right…next, is stand by my boundaries…no “sex” without proper date…which is cool with me…now, that I got my vibe all going …like in an “instant”…Yay me…:)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:52am

  199. 199: VWNo Gravatar says:

    continuation of above post:

    While I was out…he constantly txted me…I kindly responded on and off…I could tell by his messages he was tense (okay, me in his business assuming what he was thinking :( )…later that nite, he came over…he was asking a lot of questions…I felt soft, playful…and happy…that would stir him become even more inquisitive…

    It turned out…he had difficulty releasing…I could tell he was awfully frustrated…:( in the morning, before he left, I asked him if he has other partners since we met…he immediately responded – and that sounded like being pissed off…”well, funny that u ask that…no, I did not…but I thought u do …that was all on my mind all nite…that’s why I couldn’t even cum…u are way too “open”… (he was referring to me being juicy and he could slide inside me easily…)…” yep, not a cool conversation…

    And recently, similar accusations…:(

    So, me taking care of me…yet, still being warm and soft…he doesn’t know what to do…but make up stuff in his mind…that I must be having s*ex with other men…I recently got pissed at his allegations…and I flat out told him “of course, I flirt with men…of course, I give them my number…of course, I am open to dates…are u f*king kidding me? Do I have to mope around wondering when K thinks I am worthy to be taken out on a date? No f*ck no…I take care of me…” …he was also puzzled that I go out alone to date myself…

    By the way, it did not start like this…in our fourth weekend together, after having enough of feeling attacked and blamed…(he has outbursts of anger)…I walked away…and left him in my home …and took care of me;…well, since…I made the mistake to contact him a week later…(leaned forward :( )

    I expressed my feelings…he only mirrored me without trying to make it up …and a few days later…he said he can’t do the “relationship” thing…but we can be friends…yet, he immediately began flirting and seducing me…and the horny me…I fell for it…and true is, I thought we were back where we left off…but, I was wrong…

    Wow…as I type all these thoughts and memories…my gosh…that is the breakthrough…I am doing so fu&cking awesomely…My “play*a” is playing his own fu*cking game, all alone…cause now, I am really out…

    I am taking care of me…and I am doing something sooo frickIn*ng right…next, is stand by my boundaries…no “s*ex” without proper date…which is cool with me…now, that I got my vibe all going …like in an “instant”…Yay me…:)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 11:55am

  200. 200: Wants To Be HopefulNo Gravatar says:

    To Ella & FeminineWoman:

    I think I am finally feeling hopeful. I looked up info about CRAFT (a program similar to Al Alon) on the internet, and though I read a book about it a few years ago, I remember skipping the chapters on taking care of yourself, thinking that I wanted to get to the meat of how to solve my husband’s drinking problem. Now when I read about CRAFT online and listen to the videos, CRAFT is first about taking care of yourself first (sound familiar), then learning to help your loved one to stop drinking.

    Watching the videos was very inspiring. One thing they said was that you need to be grateful for small progress. Big change takes a long time.

    And that made me think about how I have been so focused on grieving about the mistakes I made. And even though he has made some rather big changes in how he treats me due to me finally setting some boundaries (not drinking related), and has cut back to only drinking on weekends, I never thanked him for any of the changes because I didn’t want to bring up drinking or lean forward.

    So so after Thanksgiving dinner (just us, and not a drop of alcohol that day), I decided to tell him I was thankful for him, and so thankful, happy and so relieved that he respected my feelings and has made so many changes. I cried. He said something nice. And I thanked him again for making me happy. And then he said, “If you are happy, I am happy.” That was so sweet. I really needed to hear that.

    I still get so wound up when he is at happy hour on Fridays with friends and comes home drunk. I can’t even describe how painful it is – while he is gone, and after he comes home. My mind just runs so fast. I need to figure out how to make my thinking and worrying stop and focus on positive thoughts and positive outcomes, but it is so hard.

    I joined an online CRAFT group today. Hopefully I will gain from that.

    Thanks for reading.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 12:05pm

  201. 201: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wants to be Hopeful change is not always easy but taking it babystep at a time will help with the progress. Appreciating him will help him to think of your happiness more.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 12:31pm

  202. 202: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a little bit sicks. Makes me feel sad because I wantto enjoy my party tonight and not care about not having energy.

    I want to feel healthy!!!!!!!!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 12:36pm

  203. 203: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    natia – Circular Dating is not about “dating.” It’s not about getting a man. It’s a therapeutic tool that means you interact with people – especially men – using my Tools. It’s a practice place. It’s using my Tools “in the field” instead of alone.

    Please read everything you can here about Circular Dating – get Targeting Mr Right and Modern Siren and for sure the ebook Have The Relationship You Want if you can – they will give you the Tools you need to practice – and as you do – your obsession will lift and your self-esteem will rise, and your attractiveness to ALL men (including THIS one) will increase dramatically! Love, Rori

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 12:59pm

  204. 204: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson re 172…

    I’ve not read it but I read the info about it including what he is supposed to do if he is gonna marry you.

    SSU CD has done all of it.

    xoxoxo

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:08pm

  205. 205: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 175,

    As I say I haven’t read the list yet… and in a way I am not in a hurry to do so… as Rori suggests that ALL men can be our therapists, and that using her tools can tranform men…. whereas the sense I got from reading about the list is it would tell us to drop the men who don’t meaure up??

    If so I would feel resentful of missing out mn my free therapy.

    xoxoxoxo

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:14pm

  206. 206: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson re 182,

    Ow that feels scary to read. I feel sad thinking of you thinking you need medication because you feeling frustrated!

    Rori tools feel so much better.

    There is NOTHING wrong with you.

    You are a fascinating, unique woman shrouded in sexy mystery because you haven’t given yourself to a man yet. That man will have to be very sepcial… and VERY lucky.

    xoxox

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:18pm

  207. 207: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ella
    Yes I recall you were saying that about SSU CD and how he’s been pursuing you….wow he sounds like a good guy!!!! Aside from the comments you mentioned that he was making that were prejudiced….I dunno perhaps he’s just not educated about it, and people can change their beliefs…I’ve seen it happen before…and he sounds decent overall that perhaps he can change his views…
    I know we’re not supposed to try to change them but anyways…

    I was referring to your post in 35 where you were mentioning CD1….and maybe a reminder that he’s not step up will help ease the urge to reach out….
    That’s what I’ve been trying to do with RecycledCD….it helps a lil bit…to remind myself that his committment “alarm” isn’t going off after this long…andhe’s not doing all the step up things on the list…so bye bye…

    hugs….

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:19pm

  208. 208: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    206 awww thanks Ella…..that’s so sweet.
    I feel warm and smily reading that. I just tend to spiral pretty badly sometimes.

    205 Ella you can still keep the non-Listers on your CD rotation of course…but at least knowing they are probably not a husband prospect and not a keeper….not waste time hoping ….maybe just free therapy and communication practice.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:23pm

  209. 209: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    V W
    wow that’s intense…I would feel bad to be accused of something like that…and I feel afraid he is mirroring something…do you trust him?

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:24pm

  210. 210: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh gosh…

    I feel so bored of POF guys.

    I feel complainy.

    I don’t feel grateful about my dating life at all.

    I feel ungrateful and selfish.

    Squeeky voice here – ‘Waaaaaahh!! ITS NOT FAIR!! Why do all my friends get good looking, hot, fun husbands and I don’t!!!! Why do I get boring, ugly men… why should I settle???? I want someone hot and fun who loves me! :-( Pout pout’

    Hmph, I don’t know… just would like a man I feel totally attracted to, I don’t want to have to settle of comprimise.

    Still in contact with SSU CD.

    Expressing the anger opened up some deeper conversation and he told me some stuff about why he uses that kind of humour…

    He is being lovely still.

    I can’t make myself feel attracted though…

    Should I give him a chance?

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:34pm

  211. 211: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson re 207,

    Thanks.

    And yes I think he is a decent guy… just not sure if I can feel attracted, and I don’t want to have to MAKE myself feel attracted to a man!

    He is in the forces and lives in a very male orientated, competitive environment where that kind of talk is comonplace… although still doesn’t feel acceptable to me.

    Also he has opened up to me a bit… he was in a war country and suffers with post traumatic stress… he says he often uses humour to mask and cope with this…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:38pm

  212. 212: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    210 Ella yes give him a chance. It may or may not work out in the end but it is good to have someone like that in your CD rotation….and you never know.

    I was NOT attracted to my college boyfriend for the first few dates/weeks…I was focused on myself and what I was doing with my life and not attracted at all…he was older, but he really stayed persistent and he did a lot of the list things too….and I fell for him big time! Things didnt work out in the end….I think I was too young and insecure and needy…and he had alcoholic parent issues….but….

    If you would have told me that I’d fall for him even a couple months prior, I would have laughed!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:39pm

  213. 213: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    211 Ella the fact that he’s military is hot! :-) hee hee….
    No you cannot force yourself to feel attracted…but you’ll know in time if it will happen or not…
    Perhaps he will be a warm caring friend to CD while you look for Mr. Right….xoxoxox

    I don’t think El

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:41pm

  214. 214: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    211 Ella the fact that he’s military is hot! :-) hee hee….
    No you cannot force yourself to feel attracted…but you’ll know in time if it will happen or not…
    Perhaps he will be a warm caring friend to CD while you look for Mr. Right….xoxoxox

    I don’t think El

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:41pm

  215. 215: VWNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Emerson,

    thank u for reading my posts…

    it’s weird…but i do…lately i feel amused by his “temper tantrums”…as i am dealing with a little kid…it does reduce the attraction though…

    he is a reflection of myself in sooo many ways…the good and the bad…the only difference between him and I …is that I learned to love and accept the ugly parts of myself…more and more…so, i don’t need to project much on anyone…i am a “cool” chick…and my “coolness” throws him off…because his mind set is still on winning a game…:( so he thinks i am playing a game…which i am not…is his own projection…:(

    so, i see him struggling creating all these stuff in his head…i feel a loving compassion for him many times…and yes, not attraction…

    hope this makes sense :)

    warm hugs,

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:42pm

  216. 216: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    sorry i have spazzy fingers….lol :-)

    ok well Ella sorry I feel weird I don’t want to tell you what to do “Yes give him a chance Ella”

    The better reply is:
    do what feels best for you Ella….what do you want / dont want??

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:43pm

  217. 217: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson… ok I will give him a chance.

    Do you know its weird… so much anger keeps coming out of me, and I don’t know why!!!!

    I just feel SO ANGRY!

    I feel like bashing him and yelling at him just for liking me and for not being hotter and then I feel so mean.

    And I don’t even know why I am angry.

    I mean why couldn’t CD1 or J or someone who I found really hot have fallen for me?????

    Why this guy.

    :-(

    And if they had have fallen for me would I have still found them as attractive?

    Why can’t I get a man who is crazy about me, and is still hot, and cool, and has a little bit of game… just enough to keep me on my toes.

    I know these are my issues.

    I know the point is to face our fear of intimacy, let the real men in, not the ones who keep us on our toes.

    Feeling fed up and finding this hard at the moment.

    Why am I such a messed up bunny?

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:45pm

  218. 218: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I was going to say…I don’t think Ella that you need to worry about having to settle at all…..you have so many options…you are so marketable and sweet and pretty and caring and a good communicator! I love your caring vibe…
    And I also feel that POF can be exhausting sometimes (or any dating site) because it seems to be the same duds on there…and it seems that these are the only guys on the market in a given area, which is not true…there are many more men out there!!!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:46pm

  219. 219: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    215 Hmm VW
    The fact that a guy has tantrums or is possesive/worried about a woman being with another man is kind of empowering and an ego boost…it’s a bit amusing especially if we are not that attracted…I’ve been in those shoes before, it gave me an ego boost and it was easy to be “cool” and a lil amused…but I’m not sure it’s really a healthy mindset to be in…kind of controlling from both sides…??

    I could be totally off here, and dont intend to offend you in any way VW….

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:48pm

  220. 220: VWNo Gravatar says:

    awww Ella, big hugs sweetie …

    what if this guy is helping you connect to the right feelings of safety, comfort you want in a relationship? or if he is just a messenger…? appreciation for these feelings is a must in my book…

    it’s like a beautiful painting…everyday the right color, inspiration is brought to us in some shape or form…

    we only need to recognize it and appreciate it for what it is…till, the entire painting is completed with exactly what we’ve been desiring in our dreams…

    connecting to these feelings at a deep level is the key…to recreate them over and over again…and now, i know…it is possible with different men…:)

    you are doing awesomely Siren!

    warm hugs,

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:54pm

  221. 221: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    I do want to give him a chance.

    Anyway CD-ing means I can date him and it doesn’t have to mean anything…

    xoxox

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:54pm

  222. 222: VWNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson:

    hmm…no, i am not offended…i have used “control” a few times with him…:( and that is part of my old behavior still trying to heal and let go of…

    leaning forward to him was a means to control…:( very good observation…thank u :)

    warm hugs,

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 1:57pm

  223. 223: VWNo Gravatar says:

    what i also noticed…is that holding on to anger, bitterness is also a means to control the other person…we keep them at arms length…

    i feel sooo happy i haven’t done that to no other man this year…

    i work on my anger…see where i did not honor my boundary…give it some love…riff ab it…and then, i feel like a new “baby”…all sweet, soft, playful…loving…i never thought that was possible for me…:)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:02pm

  224. 224: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    136 – Yep Ella I did need me time and I didn’t give that to myself.

    I couldn’t avoid him last night anyway because he was on his way over before I’d even sent the text. I’m not sure what happened while he was out though, because he wasn’t very talkative last night.

    But what I do gather is that he was NOT out with that other woman, and I do know he had a bad day – brought on by his own actions and he ended up having the married woman feeling VERY angry with him. So I’m not sure how that ended, although she was out with her husband last night so who knows??? I do know where he was though. FB is wonderful for that….

    Ella, I think we need to have one last “heavy” talk, and that’s the talk about when he said he’d offer me what I want. We need to come up with something that works for both of us. He has female friends and I have male friends. If this is going to work, we’re going to have to work out how to deal with this without either of us getting jealous or upset.

    I think that’s partly my issue right now. I feel unsure and apprehensive and on edge because he had asked me to dinner to discuss all of this, but he had to cancel, then I had to cancel, so a new date is yet to be set. I think we both need to discuss our boundaries before we’re free to just see how things go.

    Thank you for your advice – you and RG were right about the “me” time. I should’ve done something like that….

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:06pm

  225. 225: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    152: Lili 41- yep good point. And when we finally find a night when we’re both free and can discuss this I know I’ll begin to feel better.

    I didn’t invite him over last night (actually, I NEVER invite him over!), but home to me is where he chose to be last night, so I do need to give him more credit… stupid NV’s just keep on at me then I am a mess!!! :(

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:11pm

  226. 226: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm, there is this girl who moves in the same social circles as me, and I have noticed her taking the p8ss out of me… and mocking me… in relation to the fact that I am so in to Zumba..

    And the worst of it is she does it with Pubman, who I used to have a thing with, and she was doing it the last time I let him kiss me.

    And when I realised I said to her ‘that feels bad when people mock what you do’… but she kinda fobbed it off.

    Well I just saw a comment in the newsfeed on facebook that she made on his profile still taking the micky out of it.

    I feel all hot, and prickly up the back of my neck.

    Is he taking the micky out of me too? And then being nice and kissing me to my face?

    Urgh, I feel triggered.

    I feel angry and afraid and like a social outcast.

    And so angry when I am doing something I care about and some stupid, clueless idioot decides to mock what I do.

    Urgh I feel hateful towards her and I feel humiliated and like a loser outsider. Like being at school again.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:12pm

  227. 227: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Feel like such a social outcast, outsider sometimes.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:15pm

  228. 228: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    167: Emerson – OMG I do that with TH, telling him goodbye and that it’s best we go our separate ways, I wish him all the best and I’m grateful for the time we had together.

    It’ll be interesting to see if Recycled reacts to that. TH always has – and here we are, still on our rollercoaster.

    Sometimes I think it would have been best if it had just ended with us – life would be much simpler!

    And yeah, it is definitely a control thing which is something I also struggle with.. xxx

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:17pm

  229. 229: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    VW – thank you.

    xoxox

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:19pm

  230. 230: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    226
    Ella
    this girl who is mocking, she must be really intimidated/jealous of such a hot siren such as you with talent…wih your Zumba..and you are soo soo brave to have your own business…I mean I really admire you for that!!!!!

    Hmmm…this troubled girl who likes to talk sh*t…what shall we do with her??? I say pretend she does not exist. Just poof! And she is only vapor….

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:21pm

  231. 231: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    178: Emerson – What about late 30’s too Emerson? S is 38 and he’s great. Obviously we’ve only had one date, but after spending the last year and a half with TH who’s only 31, I’m thinking 38 is wonderful! Even 35-36 would work for me, cos like you, the older 40’s guys just seem too old for me.

    I look and act younger than I am too, and I’m quite active. So I think that’s why I’m looking for younger…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:21pm

  232. 232: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    180: Emerson – See? You could EASILY go someone a few years younger ! ;)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:22pm

  233. 233: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm, think I am actually angry at myself for still having some feelings for this guy who clearly doesn’t give much of a sh8t about anyone else but himself (Pubguy).

    Like why heck do I even give him the time of day when he has not done anything to deserve it???!!!!

    So its actually me I feel angry at.

    And last time I saw him there was this other man after me… who I kinda like, and I chose Pubguy…

    Grrrrr.

    Oh, well.

    Lesson finally learnt.

    Urgh I feel cross and sick.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:24pm

  234. 234: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been avoiding FB lately because I find it triggering with the holidays….people with their babies and families celebrating..I feel shame for being jealous and feeling cynnical and annoyed by the posts of “blah blah so thankful for my babies and best hubby ever” or some such message…my eyes roll and then I feel like a bad person :roll:

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:27pm

  235. 235: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    233 Ella..
    Pubguy….. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is he the one who had another girl and was kind of non-committal and not 100 % honest with you? If so, you know you deserve SOO much more…but those guys with unfinished business with other women can be real convincing in the moment…

    Also, the other guy that’s pursuing you while you were choosing pubguy instead…if you were to see/talk to him again he perhaps is not all that either…I only say that because I idealized OceanCD thinking I passed him up for the wrong reasons…and when I saw him again I realized why I passed on him in the first place. No attraction plus kinda weird.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:33pm

  236. 236: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ella my point is don’t be too hard on yourself for passing up that other guy….

    Sorry you are feeling cross (that word is so cute and British, I love using it)

    Well miss lovely, hugs to you!!!! (((Ella)))

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:35pm

  237. 237: VWNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson #234:

    i so relate to feeling judgmental and put off of other family happiness on fb :(

    sigh…

    i’ve disconnected my account often…and i will do it again for a few weeks…

    i notice i feel judgmental twds some of my gfs or (former gf anyway)…i know they are nothing but sucking the blood out of the men they are with…so, yes, i feel nausea…reading any of their posts…

    what i also notice…they also never comment/post on my wall…just once in while send an email…”hey how’s going for u…still haven’t found him?…oh, we are doing so well…blah, blah, blah…”…arghhh…

    i feel angry…yep…i love u, my dear anger…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:39pm

  238. 238: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    Thank you for the support. Feels good.

    Its just weird cus this girl has something I want, as in she is centre of the social circle…. and I always wish I had that…

    And I often wonder at what price.

    Like I see these girls doing all kind of things to be part of the social circle and I just think ‘really??!!’ and on the other hand I feel jealous, and want to be part of that.

    But I won’t sell myself out for that.

    I want to be around people who respect me.

    And often I worry about people thinking I am too much ‘hard work’ cus I speak up when stuff feels bad, like people being racist… instead of just joining in the ‘fun’.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:42pm

  239. 239: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson re 235

    Yep… that all sounds pretty spot on…

    xoxox

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:47pm

  240. 240: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    237 VW
    …”hey how’s going for u…still haven’t found him?…oh, we are doing so well…blah, blah, blah…”…arghhh

    ********

    Wow oh my gowsh…..it felt bad to read that….sounds very condescending.

    Yah…I’ve pretty much lost all my married friends, they don’t even reply to my emails/phone calls and they NEVER reach out to me. It’s like I don’t exist sometimes because I’m single. I know if I had a husband and a baby on the way, they’d be ALL OVER ME. :( Feeling sad for me.

    I had married a friend tell me once while I was having some dating woes (she was well meaning I’m sure)..
    “well Emerson, someday hopefully you will meet
    a guy just as great as my husband here, Mr. D”….

    Ummm what?? I swear, our friendship was never the same after that, it just felt weird/off and I felt like she thought she was above me in status orwhatever…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:48pm

  241. 241: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    238 Ella stick to your values and good for you for not chiming in with childish joking…
    I know what you mean about the social circle stuff but believe me….that group will be disbanded as time goes on and it wont matter at all. whatsoever. nada.

    It really really does not matter….who cares if she is the center of attention. Come to think of it, you ARE the center of attention every time you do ZUMBA!!!! So awesome….and you’re doing something healthy and productive, not just making a spectacle of yourself which is what it sounds like she/they are diong to get the attention in the first place.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:54pm

  242. 242: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    231 and 232 BW thank you :-)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:55pm

  243. 243: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    What am I supposed to do with this?

    So I am feeling kinda crappy about myself atm. Tired and cranky and unsure about SSU CD.

    And he just keeps being full on and sending me compliments and saying how I turn him on and stuff… and I am feeling unsure, and kinda luke warm, and finding it hard to deal with his full on approach when I am feeling unsure.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 2:58pm

  244. 244: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ella…hmmm
    Perhaps tell him how you feel…tired and cranky?
    Like aww thanks for the compliments, but feeling tired and cranky atm…
    maybe he will bring you chinese food or ice cream…hee hee…and you can have a friend there to cheer you up…???
    Don’t put pressure on yourself…
    No urgency…
    One day/moment at a time…
    You can take your time…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:02pm

  245. 245: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Emerson (post 234):

    FB can be so one dimensional. People purposely put that stuff up there to make themselves seem interesting. People target other people on fb (I was a serious victim involving my ex and his family/friends posting pictures of him and his new woman). I “un-friended” him and severed that whole crew. I also un-friended some family members. I chose who to associate with. It’s okay to feel the way you do because in reality you are responding to what these people’s fabrications and exaggerations! I now use fb for positive posting and healing messages. All the fluff is gone. Another thing, under all those smiles and baby posts are the same crap we as single women are going through, the same insecurities – EVERYTHING. But we have an advantage – we are improving ourselves and our relationships . . . they will still be posting and hiding their truths while we flourish and evolve! Heads up siren – embrace the feelings and realize it’s all fluff and fabrication that is triggering you :)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:03pm

  246. 246: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    245 thx tenny

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:05pm

  247. 247: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    Yes good idea.

    And I am not gonna worry about that girl.

    Silly lil, poor girl.

    And I am just gonna be me… screw it if people don’t like me.

    xoxox

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:07pm

  248. 248: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Just got off the phone with a CD. He seems to be pursuing me hotly, and I’m feeling triggered. Almost went down into my old pits, but I’m feeling it and embracing the yuck feelings in me. He’s nice, but assertive. We are scheduled to go out on for dinner this week. He is coming on strong in a way and that is triggering me. I’m open, unzippering my heart, in my dance position. And I’m scared

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:15pm

  249. 249: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    228 BW
    I don’t know if Recycled will respond at all to this.
    I have told him in the past the same thing, andhe’s come back. But not sure this time. I am trying not to think about it. I feel like he’s so exhausting and I feel sad about it. He needs to jsut go away. I don’t feel emotionally safe with him anymore.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:20pm

  250. 250: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ella regarding SSU CD you could also do nothing and not reply to the texts if you don’t feel like it. Just turn your phone off and do your nails and watch tv or something. :-)

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:22pm

  251. 251: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    247 tenny
    sounds exciting going on a dinner date :-)
    but I understand the fear…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 3:32pm

  252. 252: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling tempted to communicate to Ocean why I never replied…but it’s really a non issue at this point in time. I’ts almost like HE self sabotaged by texting me when I toldhim I dont like it. Ack….sigh.
    Why am I even talking about it. No I don’t think I’ll reply to him at all. I’m done.

    I heard back from the potential online CD that keeps mentioning other women and he said he will not mention other women anymore….that was nice….also he tried to smooth things over with small talk about Thanksgiving and kept it light…that was nice too.

    I’m not really attracted to him so far looking at his pic, not taht he’s bad looking, hes in great shape for his age…ten years older than me…but he is nice and I’m getting my practice. I’m not drawn to him at all. Hmm. But he’s being responsive and seems to be pretty successful, etc.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 4:02pm

  253. 253: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    cf came and picked me up for lunch, but i felt sick and not hungry, so we drove around aimlessly and then we passed by the house i lived in for years, so i made us go down memory lane:)

    Yes, I was rowing, but I’m a spazz and I was like “ooh, memories!”

    then i did feel hungry, so we stopped at a diner on the side of the road, and we ate breakfast food.

    CF told me, “i was actually planning on taking you for sushi for lunch, but when you said you weren’t hungry, i thought we’d go some other time.”

    awww, there i went again, screwing up his nice plans.

    it was such a sweet idea – i love sushi.

    then he asked how late i would be up, because he wants to come see me tonight at home. And when I wasn’t sure about how late i’d be up, he was just like “actually i’ll just move my plans so i can see you tonight.”

    awww. it feels good when he steps up.

    then he started saying some nonsense about getting married in vegas by an elvis impersonator… ummmmm…. lol *blush*

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 4:04pm

  254. 254: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla

    He’s stepping up lovely!!!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 4:34pm

  255. 255: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Emerson:

    I’m looking forward to the date, but He’s so assertive and interested. I should be flattered, but this approach is so new to me. I feel out of sorts, but I intend to have a good experience getting to know him. Have another date with a different CD on Tuesday for late lunch :) I’m in rotation!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 4:48pm

  256. 256: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    255 tenny
    If they are TOO assertive in the beginning,,,it can feel a little intimidating…wow he must really be into you…I know what you mean though because it tends to make me feel a bit cornered or something when they are like that…..\

    Maybe practice a feeling message??

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 4:50pm

  257. 257: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thankful for all the sirens on here and for Rori’s advice…

    I feel thankful for a place to write out my feelings and thoughts…where I don’t feel judged.

    I feel thankful to have this forum to get advice and feedback and feel comfort

    Wow what did I do before I found this? Aw man I was leaning forward all the time!

    Thank you

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 4:53pm

  258. 258: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    a nice man invited me out for what would be a very fun time tomorrow night, but i’m going to bed early so i can get up early the next day and cook for the dinner where i’m meeting cf’s family.

    feeling grateful that i’m still getting asked out even though cf has been making so many plans with me that i am already booked when other guys ask me out.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:30pm

  259. 259: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    omg. on phone with cf a second ago. he said to call him when i get home so he can plan our night together. i called him and started to feel cranky because i have cramps from hell, and he thought it was his distracted driving conversation that was agitating me, so he said sorry he’s not very good at conversation right now, and i said “nooo i’m not good at conversation because i hate life right now” lol.

    his response? “sounds like someone needs a backrub.”

    awwwwwwwwwwww then i melt.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:37pm

  260. 260: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    188:

    Awww, Starla,

    You are so fortunate to have each other as friends.
    I have 2, and 1 has moved a 5 or 6 hour drive away :(
    I miss her.
    My 2 best friends are people that do not judge, they are rather supportive.
    I love that about them. I wish I had more of those.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 5:47pm

  261. 261: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    LILI, we are lucky girls to have friends like that:):)

    and to have this blog, too!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 6:01pm

  262. 262: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Emerson:

    Excellent advice hun, thank you!! I’m going to script out some feeling messages for the date and put some in there about how his assertiveness makes me feel. I’m going to pay attention to my feelings next time we speak. We were actually talking about male and female energy and he let me know he totally agrees with my (our :) ) approach! That was reassuring indeed!!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 6:03pm

  263. 263: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Awwww, I’m all gushy.

    D just went to meet his 2 sisters at his 3rd sister’s place. She has money problems and lives by herself.
    They just surprised her with a brand new microwave oven coz hers just died on her.

    He called to tell me all about it. It was so cute how he was all proud and delighted that she was so happy to receive the gift out of nowhere.

    That was so sweet of him, and especially his reaction afterwards. He was loving it.
    He can’t act that way w his 3 sisters, being the only man aside from his dad, and not know how to treat a woman.

    I’ll be back tomorrow morning to catch up on all the posts.
    Goodnight sister sirens! xox

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 6:07pm

  264. 264: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ok i am listening to sad songs and crying on purpose
    lolll i feel magical and feminine on my period right now.

    and agitated as f*ck hehe

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 6:27pm

  265. 265: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Been thinking and perhaps I am not built for long term relationships. I have tried many times, I am not possessive, psycho, mean or anything alike. But men leave, Like after several months of good moments out of no where, they do not want to continue.

    Some of us are meant to be alone…I need to embrace that and let it be…

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 7:00pm

  266. 266: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    We are all social beings. We just have to pay attention to what we create in our relationshps and be open to change if necessary.

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 7:17pm

  267. 267: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    OMG…..LOL I just filled out the questionnaire for Eharmony just for fun (you can do it without actually paying to join) and they came back saying there are no matches for me….
    haha

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 7:32pm

  268. 268: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel…. :( hugs to you girl you are so pretty…you will not be alone!!

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 7:33pm

  269. 269: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Is everyone out shopping for black Friday???

    Friday, 25 November 2011 @ 8:48pm

  270. 270: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling stuck/lost.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:45am

  271. 271: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    ARGH!!! Alright sirens! I give you all permission to send me a virtual slap!!! :(

    We had another fight tonight and I started it and I now realise just how damaged I am from being cheated on by my ex, because I am totally making TH pay for it! OMG!!!

    Last night he wasn’t with that woman, nor was he with any woman. He had two drinks with his housemates after working late, and was on his way to my house by the time I texted him accusing him of being with that other woman. What is wrong with me?????????

    So I sent him an apology (he was really mad when he left here), and admitted to my serious trust issues and said I needed to either forgive him (TH broke my trust a few weeks ago) and let things progress without the accusations and drama, or walk away.

    I said I’d prefer the first option but that I had some healing to do and it wouldn’t be easy. So if he wanted to stick around to help me with that, then I’d really appreciate it.

    He’s going out with the boys to a soccer game tonight, so I wished him a good night (and I meant it) and will leave things until he’s ready to talk to me again.

    Argh! I’m so so so so so soooooo silly!!!!!! :-\

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:48am

  272. 272: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    And btw before you all say something, when he broke my trust, he didn’t actually “do” anything. And I only found out about it when he came clean without any prompting from me. And I’m sure I wasn’t helping by constantly accusing him of doing things.

    I suppose if you constantly use your lack of trust as a way of beating someone up, eventually you’re going to push them to do it. So that’s my responsibility.

    If I want us to move forward, I need to let it go and give him a chance to prove to me that he’s worth keeping. So far I’ve not given him a chance to do that.

    argh!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:51am

  273. 273: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #238 Ella

    I speak out at my workplace and although it hasn’t been to the liking of my work colleagues at times I am not sitting there listening to a racist remark even if it is only a “joke” and when they start talking dirty (young males) I tell them to cut it out or walk out of the office for a breather. They don’t do it when the boss is around of course, I was telling my sister and we said although it is not illegal or against work rules but if it makes you uncomfortable then you don’t have to hear it.

    Same for you speaking up and going against the “in crowd”, it’s better than stuffing it all down when it matters to YOU.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:46am

  274. 274: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    I responded to Ella’s post yesterday about SSU, I don’t like judgemental people and it triggered something in me, maybe because my ex husband was that way, having strong points of view about certain “types” of people and things (not racist) while I am more open………..mmmmm…….

    And Ella when I saw your SSU guy has been in the military and has come back here from those war zones then my heart opened up to him. Living with males so much has obviously shaped his personality, kind of like those males I work with above, the boys club, in our office there is old me :) and 4 others in their 20’s – 3 of them males and the one girl is a tomboy, so they do get carried away with themselves.

    So I have changed my view on SSU, and think you should give him a chance. :) Maybe his judgemental views are just a shield he is using for the moment and you can help him heal. Only time will tell…..

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:53am

  275. 275: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #274 Me

    Oh and I don’t mean help him heal as in a Miss Fixit way which was my previous way of doing things, helping, advise, do do do, no I mean like Rori says opening up your heart to him with FM’s so he feels safe and able to drop his shield.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:00am

  276. 276: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    You want to go to him. You want to ask him
    what’s wrong. You want to know if you did
    something or said something to upset him. You want
    to make it better.

    But none of this seems to be helping, so you
    redouble your efforts. You pay him even more
    attention. Maybe you cook special dishes for him
    or dress more seductively.

    Or maybe you try to convince him how great a
    woman and girlfriend you are. And it only gets
    worse, doesn’t it? He withdraws even more.

    So what is it you need to do?

    1.The first thing you need to do is open your
    heart wide, and keep it soft and inviting, no
    matter how panicked you might feel inside, no
    matter how desperate and scared.

    2.Then you must leave him alone.

    Whatever it is that’s going on with him, you
    have to let him sort it out for himself.

    3.And then you MUST stop thinking about this.
    You MUST take your thoughts away from him and what
    he’s thinking, doing, planning.

    You must leave him space to come to you if he
    wants to.

    He may, or he may not. And you must be okay
    however this plays out.

    4.If he does come to you, you listen.

    You take in all he says with apt attention. You
    be his sounding board, but DO NOT offer advice
    unless he asks.

    If you feel sure you have a good solution, you
    can ask him if he’d like to hear your suggestion.
    He may accept or he may not.

    There’s really no point to giving advice to a
    man unless he asks for it – you’ll end up making
    him feel defensive, and he’ll start looking at you
    more as his “mother” than as his lover.

    It’ll make things worse, and make him withdraw
    even more.

    You must be okay with whatever he says.

    Men like to solve their own problems. Yours too
    in fact! So keep this in mind at all times.

    5.Lastly, you must go and take care of
    yourself.

    Fill your days with activities that inspire
    you. Try something new – maybe a new form of dance
    or exercise class or a cooking class, how about
    some form of art, pottery drawing, painting, or
    take a class at the local community college,
    anything that interests you.

    Following these guidelines in this way will
    give him a feeling of safety – and give you your
    best chance of drawing him back in close to you.

    And if this is a good man and more especially
    if he’s your “the one,” your energy will be so
    inviting, your absorption in the world will be so
    intriguing, he won’t be able to help himself!

    I know it’s hard to allow all of this to be on
    HIS timetable, and not yours – and yet it’s the
    fastest way to bring him back to you.

    If you’d like extra help to open your heart,
    relax and be inviting around him, and NOT get
    crazy when he withdraws so that he’ll come right
    back to you more quickly – try out my Sex and
    Heart ebook.It’ll raise your self-esteem, make you
    feel better instantly, and give you so many exact
    Tools to feel better inside yourself and attract
    your man back to you quickly.

    I wrote it for you because if I could create
    the brilliant relationship I have now with my man
    from the “horror pit” I was in – I KNOW that you
    can, too.

    Take a look at Sex and Heart right here:

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/sex-and-heart/

    Try these steps – you’ll see a change in your
    man right away – and be sure to let me know how
    they work for you.

    Sincerely, Tinque

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:06am

  277. 277: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh my gosh i finally saw everyone for thanksgiving

    my kids came to the door and theyre like we miss you so much!!

    oh it felt so lovely

    i connect SO WELL with kids nowadays – i used to feel SCARED of kids. i used to get the impression they were judging me … as weird and not good enough and not someone they would play with

    mmmm

    feel so good and felt so loved by my sis sis

    and some guy came thru

    the CD guy sent another guy to come

    then HE calle don the phone.. then i was like wait who is this and he seemed to get grumbly thta i didnt know for sure who he was and passed the phone to someone else

    this felt bad to me in my tummy

    i feel sad

    i feel sad for our lovely connection that was… in my imagination

    big hugs to me

    i spend the nite at a CD house to help me be weher i wanted to be in the morning

    but i didnt feel touched the same way

    this CD kept leaning back physically and didn’t touch me in that attentive way SexualCD touched me

    and i feel sad about that

    also visions of SexualCD’s huge penis came to me when i was seeing this other guy’s penis, which was pretty big, but

    SexualCD’s is huge and it was like making this guy’s seem not so interesting … well maybe im triggered into a ‘comparing mode’

    sigh

    i want to feel physically sexually and emotionally connected and loved

    and thats easy with my new tools of telephone

    also ive been tapping with Margaret Lynch’s EFT chakra clearings and daaang

    i felt this opening in my 5th chakra – ie the throat

    i generally almost vonstantly feel like im choked or my mouth is tight

    and now it felt like the energy was warm and loving and much’bigger’. and i felt this werid pressure i remember from beign young, this familiar, heavy feleign like i cant breathe…

    maybe it from the cord around my enck when i was born

    yeah and i felt it more than usual when i di dthe EFT tapping on the throat

    so cool

    i call it to myself “the undescribable feeling”

    its like having a big boulder on top of my chest and also familiar cozy homy and kinda curious/pleasurable/interesting

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:36am

  278. 278: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im also doing tapping on the 6th chakra and 7th, 3rd eye and crown,

    and it feels good my eyes feel all rested and my head feels calm and cool

    i feel holy and pure energetically like when i came back from romania

    awesome

    i feel grateful

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:37am

  279. 279: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like crying. I sent a heartfelt apology and nothing. No reply at all. My only adult communication has been with my ex husband tonight, who was out with his girlfriend, her daughter and our daughter earlier. How sad is that???? Great for him, but makes me realise how sad my own life is… :(

    If I’m going to be ignored on a Saturday night, I’d rather it be because I’m single and don’t have anybody around who I would expect to at least acknowledge that I’ve texted.

    i’m not sure I can stay with TH. I’m not happy, I am constantly triggered by his actions and I really can’t handle it. At all! :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:46am

  280. 280: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg i feel so fresh and healthy

    i HIGHLY recommend this Margaret Lynch tapping program

    I’ve actually felt DRAWN to doing it!

    and just a lil bit of tapping really seems to make a shift . even in the way i think and see things

    and i can feel stuff happenign in my body,

    it feels exciting and scary that such big seeming change can happen from just a lil bit of intention and tapping

    this program is really working for me and it feels surprisign and exciting

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:58am

  281. 281: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I hate feeling like this. I’ve never felt like this with ANY man before and I hate it! So why am I still here????

    I KNOW on an intellectual level that I can do better than this. I can have a man who adores me and shows me and tells me so all the time.

    So what am I doing with this man who seems to have a huge wall up, and only occasionally shows me the real him and how much he cares about me?

    And why am I giving him all the power? In the past you would’ve thought how well I handled things. I was “cding” to some extent with my last ex, although once we started seeing each other, only gf’s got “dates”. But I had it all worked out and he pursued me.

    My first ex actually followed me 12 hours away, and begged me to come back and live with him – we’d known each other 2 weeks!

    Why am I keeping this in my life?? Why am I punishing myself???

    I know I have a lot of healing over the cheating to work through but why have I got this man here in front of me who creates so much pain for me? Or is it me causing that pain? Is it my NV’s going crazy???

    Why have I cried so many tears over this man? Why haven’t I run away – fast????

    And why did I try to end things via text – again?? Yep I just sent him one, saying I just can’t handle it and that I feel resentful of the fact that I’m at home feeling miserable about what happened today while he’s out having fun. I also said that I want someone who cares enough to respond to my texts – especially when I’m in obvious pain and trying to apologise.

    He has responded. But he’s drunk. So what he has said means nothing to me. He said he’s too drunk to talk but sent smilies etc. Meh.

    S hasn’t contacted me since Thursday (it’s Saturday night now) either. But I know he has his kids, so that could be why. Or it could be my crappy vibe telling him to run very fast…

    So yeah I’m feeling like I just want to remove EVERY man from my life right now and start again. I wish it was that simple..

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:59am

  282. 282: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    many times my head will feel tired and cloudy, my eyes will feel like closing and ill feel fuzzy headed

    i feel no fuzzy headed ness

    and the tightness around my brain it feels just comfortable right now

    i feel so pleasant in my head righ tnow

    yay

    i fele moved!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:00am

  283. 283: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my mom put out fresh sheets and i put them on the bed and my room smells fresh right now

    and feels more singing harmonious

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:03am

  284. 284: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its so cool cuz all these sensations i thought had to do with tiredness, or maybe with smoking, they all heal and clear with emotional tapping around the chakras

    wow!

    its emotional stuff

    so cool

    yay

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:33am

  285. 285: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW sorry but your tirade sounds like you are your worst enemy. It gives the impression that you are not even willing to change.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:42am

  286. 286: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    285 FW – hmm… I feel a bit defensive. Because I **think** I am willing to change…? But I know that your words are purely to help me, so I will choose to see them as helpful rather than anything negative…

    And I have changed – a LOT over the last year and a half. But I do know there’s more to do.

    And here’s my dilemma now….

    He said to me in a text the other day that he would give me what I want – which of course was a “real” relationship. I replied with “Really?” and he said “We’ll talk about it at dinner tonight”.

    Now, dinner never happened, and is yet to happen. So for me this is feeling very “up in the air”.

    Also, what a relationship means for him (and me) is 100% exclusivity. So no more romantic dates with anybody else. And that really scares me and I’m no longer sure I can be exclusive anymore, unless several things change.

    I need to feel like I’m cherished and cared for, and I need some certainty in my life. Right now he can’t give me any of that.

    I want somebody who only goes out with his friends as an exception to the rule – cos most of the time he’s out with me. Yep, he likes my company THAT much! :-0

    I want somebody who prefers my company to that of other women, ANY DAY.

    I want somebody who does not let other women in his bedroom and especially not his bed (he has some female friends in the past who he is not romantically involved with and never has been, who he has let sleep over – in his bed – I hate that, even though I trust that nothing happened).

    I want somebody who will not pursue any other woman or who thinks cheating is ok. He hasn’t cheated but he’s done the pursuit thing, although I know that’s stopped and will probably never happen again.

    I want somebody who enjoys taking me to lunch on a regular basis – just because he knows it’ll make me happy.

    I want somebody who is proud to show me off as his – even if it’s just so all the other guys know they don’t stand a chance. I suppose I’m just used to being with guys who think I’m “all that” and more… :-\

    I want somebody who doesn’t shut me out and wants me to be a major part of his life.

    I know I can’t tell him I want these things, right? But I don’t want to be 100% exclusive with somebody till things are like that. And silly me thought that these should be things that automatically happen with the right man, right?

    So how do I communicate that without sending him a list of demands, cos we all know how much he’ll love that. Or am I just best to walk away????

    Of course I have a part to play in all of this as well. And the first thing I need to do is learn to trust him again, and I need to drop all of the drama!

    The thing is, NO man has ever been subjected to my emotional cr@p before ever! In fact, I’ve never felt so emotionally unstable with anybody before!

    That’s because right from day 1, I knew they loved me. I knew I was their one and only and I knew they didn’t want anybody else. I’ve not had that with TH at all.

    And if I have it now, then how do I inspire him to want to give me all those things???

    I feel so confused. And I feel very much like I’m selling myself way short. But at the same time I really do love him and I really do want this to work. Although I have doubts as to whether he is even capable of giving me the secure feelings I need to feel…. :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:30am

  287. 287: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oooo! I’m expecting HIM to make me feel a certain way….NOT good….

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:33am

  288. 288: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ok. The dating thing I can get around – by only dating people I’m not romantically interested in. Which has worked in the past, although I don’t want to push S off my horse just yet, cos he is just so lovely!

    And I need to find myself some more female friends to do things with. Sitting at home feeling lonely is NOT a good way to take my mind off TH.

    I also need to cherish and care for ME. If he’s not going to do it, then I need to step up. I am letting myself down. Although tonight I did take my mind off things and did a bit of “preening”…

    And I suppose I can respond positively to the good things he does, and turn my back and walk away when he does things I don’t like. But I need to express when I feel negative feelings too – but not in a blaming way.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:37am

  289. 289: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    And then I need to DROP it and never bring it up again – unless the same behaviour happens. And then I need to decide if it’s a dealbreaker for me….

    And here comes the hard part…. I need to walk away if there is a dealbreaker happening…. Ick… :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:39am

  290. 290: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I just want to feel like I am loved. And right now I definitely don’t feel loved. At all… :(

    And I’m not sure why he’s still hanging around. If he doesn’t love me, is he only with me because he can’t be bothered finding somebody else? That feels icky…

    But I can’t think of any other reason as to why he’s still “with” me, AND offering me a real relationship.

    Am I potentially underestimating his actions? Or is that just wishful thinking?

    So so confused! :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:46am

  291. 291: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm.. I think I worked out another part of the problem. Both my ex husbands and I were living together after only 2-3 weeks. So I never had the situation where he lived at his house, and I lived at mine, and we therefore had separate lives.

    Instead, our lives were combined after less than a month. So of COURSE neither of them would have been going out and doing their thing when they knew I was going to be at home!

    Am I expecting TH to want to spend every single night with me too? This situation is much different.

    But it HAS been a year and a half… although it was only this week that he offered me something “real”… so should I just give this thing time, to see what this means for us???

    I need to go get some sleep….

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:54am

  292. 292: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings, I have the same problem as you. It’s almost like I need LP to stay with me so that I can be confident in our relationship.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:00am

  293. 293: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    281:

    (((BW))),

    The place we are at w ouselves is what we will attract. We will either attract the man or the behaviour from the man that will mirror where we are at. Whatever your complaint is what the mirror reflects back to you.
    So whatever he does in his own way, we do in our own way.
    This has been true for me throughout every single relationship I’ve had, even a 3 month dating relationship, even my 7 year marriage, even my 5 year live-in relationship, even my 7 month relationship…all of them.
    Every time I look into the mirror at my complaints about them, I find my deep true self reflecting back at me.

    Here’s where I see your mirror. It really jumps out at me:
    “So what am I doing with this man who seems to have a huge wall up, and only occasionally shows me the real him and how much he cares about me?”

    I’ve read it in every self help psychological book out there, and Rori says it: We always complain about not getting what we are not giving ourselves. Turn the focus back on yourself.

    If we want to connect w a man on a deeper level, we need to connect on a deeper level with ourselves.
    You connect with yourself on a deeper level like this:

    Look at your complaints like this:
    Find your own wall.
    How do you only show him occasionally the real you?
    Your anger is covering up the real you.
    What old deep rooted hurt is he stirring in you when he triggers you?

    I’ve done that w myself and you’ve read about it in my posts.
    I shared that deep deep rooted hurt w D and how it stirs it back up when particular things happen w him.
    I shared w him how that’s where my anger comes from.
    I told him I no longer want to feel so angry.

    So last night when I got angry for being ignored again, I was able to dive back deep into myself in 2 hours…instead of 2 years. Once you go real deep into yourself, it gets so much easier and faster the next time something triggers you.
    I still beat him on the head all blamey.
    But bc I shared in a deep way, his reaction was way different:
    He was warm and welcoming w my anger.
    He said in a warm tone “please don’t give me sh*t, I’m just going to do something nice for my s*ster and I’ve been super busy. I’m sorry I didn’t call, coz if I would have I would have found out you were still at work which is right on my way. I could have picked you up and brought you w me. My sisters really like you and I know you like them.
    I’ll make it up to you. I won’t stay late at my sister’s and I’ll come over and give you another amazing massage like the other time.”

    I sank into my feelings and went back deep into those fears of abandonment and of feeling unworthy.
    So when he got here, I was ready to share in FMs:
    I said “I’m sorry I beat you on the head aaaagain.
    I don’t want to suffocate you, I do want you to have the feeling of freedom to do you own things. I just feel bad being left hanging without any news. I feel unimportant when I don’t get the call I was promised. That stirs up my old feeling of unworthiness and that makes me angry.”

    I also made a point to tell him how it feels so good to hear what he did for his sister. How she’s so lucky to have a brother like him.

    He looked at me with loving eyes like he used to 2 years ago. I had lost that after only 4 months, and now it’s back. I felt those loving warm vibes coming out of him onto me.
    For 2 years, I’ve been making the 1st moves to cuddle him, to hug him and kiss him when he walks through the door.
    Now he comes in and I step back. He says “come here you” and HE wraps his arms around me and kisses me.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:04am

  294. 294: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    When I was constantly acting out my anger by blaming, criticizing and punishing, he would point the jealousy finger at me.
    Now he knows the deep root of that jealousy in me.
    He embraces that deep part of me, bc I embraced it 1st, bc I wasn’t ashamed to share the real deep me.
    When I fell off the wagon last night and got angry w him, he wasn’t all defensive and he didn’t withdraw and pull away.
    Bc now he knows where it comes from and what it’s about, he no longer feels threatened by it.
    That encourages me to keep at it, keep going into myself. I will eventually, very soon, have a good grip on handling my anger.
    It took me 2 years to see it’s roots, last night it took me 2 hours, so next time 2 minutes.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:15am

  295. 295: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Yep IP I see what you mean! And like I think you said recently, it’s often good that they choose to go home so you can get stuff done!

    I think I’m just so used to being the centre of a guy’s universe, that when I’m not, these feelings of insecurity flow right in…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:16am

  296. 296: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lili. Yeah that big ole wall of mine is definitely up, and I’m scared to death to bring it down… And he’s paying for that.

    Now I’m crying.. :(

    And I’m really not sure TH is ever going to be enough for me – because I’m never enough for myself…

    And I doubt he will ever fit in with my family – because I am a lot older than his friends and probably won’t ever fit in with them. Well.. we get on ok but we have nothing in common…

    We are so wrong for each other….

    Lili, you really handled your situation well. I’m going to save that for a reference later. I”m sure I’m going to need it…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:23am

  297. 297: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Before I shared what my jealousy was really about w me, he would have told me that I’m jealous and possessive even w his sisters.
    But now that he knows what it’s really about deep in ME, he didn’t, he rather embraced me.

    Before, he wouldn’t take anything that I wanted to give other than s*x.
    Last night he took the lunch I prepared for him to bring to work today. He said Thank you w a big warm smile and took it. He used to refuse those things. Probably bc I felt unworthy of receiving, I attracted him feeling unworthy of receiving.

    The waterwheel: He gave to me (massage, understanding, warmth, affection), and I then felt safe to gave back to him (preparing his lunch).

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:24am

  298. 298: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm the jealousy for me comes from the cheating and also where TH was in the beginning… but the other stuff is probably deep down in there somewhere….

    He just texted me. It’s almost 1am and he wants me to pick him up from a club in town. He’s drunk. Ick.

    I told him no. I had a few drinks earlier so said I didn’t want to risk it in case I got pulled over…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:41am

  299. 299: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    296:

    BW,

    You are AWESOME for being so open to learning.

    You, me and IP make an awesome threesome to learn together.

    Keep diving into yourself. Share what you’ve found in yourself. That’s the real you that you want him to connect to and cherish.
    The only way to know if he really is for you or not is to know how he reacts to that real deep you.
    The angry, accusing, blaming, criticizing you is covering that real deep authentic you.
    It’s a smokescreen that he can’t see through to the real deep you.

    D is alot like TH.
    I was also jealous of his social life and how friendly and outgoing he is.
    I want to have a life outside of him too. It hurts my ego that he does and I don’t. It would be healthy for me to have a life outside our relationship.
    He has triggered that in me.
    Throughout these 2 years, I have become gradually more and more fun and outgoing.
    My inner clown has also come out.
    These good things in me were all burried and trapped. His triggers have forced them out.

    After diving deep into that ugly jealousy…magic is happening all around me.

    2 old cherished friends of mine that I had lost contact with reached out to me to get back in touch this week.

    There’s an event I have been wanting to go to, but was feeling sad about going alone. Now, I have 3 friends who are interested in that same kind of event that have contacted me out of the blue.
    I don’t know who to ask 1st.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:45am

  300. 300: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    D would come to that event w me.
    But I want to have a life outside of our relationship.
    I want to cultivate my friendships.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:46am

  301. 301: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    BW, There is a part of me that agrees about you not wanting to change. It sounds as if you aren’t doing the most basic of Rori’s work and that is talking in feeling messeges rather than the arguing and blaming and giving up the need to be right. Yes, you are protecting yourself from being cheated on in the past but that isn’t going to heal unless you try something different and open yourself up to saying what you are feeling which will also give TH the chance to prove himself without having to be on the defensive all the time.

    Sending you big hugs…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:52am

  302. 302: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I miss u

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:59am

  303. 303: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    298:

    I was also cheated on by my ex.
    I had the same issues w myself with my ex before he cheated.
    I didn’t know how to connect to myself on a deeper level, so I didn’t know how to connect to him.
    He cheated on me w someone who did.
    They have a baby daughter together today.
    I had gotten pregnant w him before that other woman ever came along, and I miscarried.
    I feel happy for them. Bc I took a long honest look at myself and admitted to myself that I don’t know how to connect to myself and others…they do.
    It’s all OK, bc I am learning how right now.

    She came to one of our parties, stayed next to me, examining me from head to toe and hanging on my every word.
    I could feel the envy vibes coming out of her onto me.
    If I would have been deeply connected to myself, hence deeply connected to my man, she would have never been a threat.

    The being cheated on will amplify your already existing hurts. We will feel mistrusting after being cheated on. But there is something there in us waaay before the cheating happens.
    The mistrust exists way before the cheating.

    What place were you at w yourself before the cheating happened? or while the cheating happened?

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:00am

  304. 304: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    303:

    Clue:
    The unworthy feeling little 7 year old girl was still hidden deep down in me before the being cheated on ever happened.
    Take her out and tell her what she needs to hear.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:08am

  305. 305: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm I’m still feeling very defensive about the “not wanting to change” stuff, because I really really do want to change (I know you mean well so I’m not upset with anybody here…). I really do want to stop attacking when I’m scared. I want to be open and loving, just like my beautiful sister is…. I want to be somebody he feels safe with… I want to feel safe….

    I use feeling messages more than ever before – until he does something that I react badly to. Then FMs go out the window! I’m much better than before but still a work in progress… I think I need to train myself to just stop and feel for a bit. Maybe give myself a time limit before I respond to something I don’t like…

    And I am not strong enough on my boundaries with him either, so I’m having a lot of trouble balancing that. I nearly got in my car and went and picked him up tonight too! If I hadn’t been drinking tonight I am sure I would have gone to get him.

    But I don’t want him here tonight because he’ll be drunk and all he’ll want is sex so just as well I’ve been drinking too… :(

    And now I feel guilty. But I shouldn’t feel guilty right???

    I think I’m a fair way behind you Lili, because I’m not sure I’m getting right down inside myself to work out what is causing all of this stuff to come to the surface… :(

    I need to stand firm on my boundaries, but I also need to become soft on the outside and strong on the inside… right now I’m the opposite. Ick.

    I am unzippering my heart and sending loving vibes his way….

    If I’m not the centre of his universe, then that’s the way it is. I get to choose if I want to be with him despite that. But if I choose to be with him, I must accept him and the fact that he will not treat me like I’m the centre of his universe. I’m not sure I can do that…or if I want to….. :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:19am

  306. 306: IzzyNo Gravatar says:

    245 teeny

    “But we have an advantage – we are improving ourselves and our relationships . . . they will still be posting and hiding their truths while we flourish and evolve! ”

    That felt good to read.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:20am

  307. 307: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I know my 9 years of verbal and emotional abuse and my various “attempts” at taking my own life are part of this too… I definitely felt unworthy back then. And I must have felt that way before I met my first husband, to have been able to attract somebody like that.

    What’s funny though, is that I know he loved me and I know I was the centre of his universe. But he treated me like I was the scum of the earth at times too…. Hmm…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:21am

  308. 308: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    304:

    I took that little girl that was stuffed down with all that anger. I introduced myself to her.
    I told her that I think that she is beautiful, funny and a real pleasure to know.
    I told her that she didn’t deserve the humiliation from her mother, I told her she didn’t deserve the abandonment from her father.
    I told her that her parents just had their own deep hurts that prevented them to give her the love she most needed.
    I held her in my arms and kissed her cheek.
    I told her how adorable she is.

    That’s what I would do today if I witnessed a 7 year old girl being where I was at 7.

    I introduced her to D and told him all about her and her feelings. Told him how she has big temper tantrums like a 7 year old’s maturity level.
    D embraced that little girl just like I did.

    D had a little daughter…She died at the age of 10 from heart failure. It was a birth defect.

    What happens when you lose a loved one like that: We have regrets, we wish we would have appreciated them more, we wish we would have done more… Deep down, he wishes he would have given her more love and attention. He hangs onto to a lock of her hair. He has a shrine of her favourite things at his house. He has pictures of her all over his house.
    He would give anything to have her back to cherish her.

    By sharing my little girl w him, he gets the opportunity to do that.
    The most beautiful gift you can give someone, is going way deep into yourself and sharing that deep real true you.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:26am

  309. 309: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    BW – just wanted to send you some ((((hugs)))).

    I haven’t been in your exact situation but remember what it was like with major ups and downs with the first guy I dated after my divorce. I remember how horrible I felt all the time and the reason I found this site. I have really learned alot and am putting everything into practice – what a difference!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:36am

  310. 310: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    OMFG!!! :((((( He has just hit on that woman via FB!!!!! :(

    His response to my text about it: Well you obviously don’t want to be here….

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:41am

  311. 311: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    This is all my fault. I feel absolutely devastated… :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:42am

  312. 312: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    307:

    Oh BW, I so feel for you…

    When I got divorced, I would picture myself bleeding to death in my bathtub…just like I did when I was a teenager.
    I thought that that feeling would go away when I moved 750 km away from my family.
    It did for a few years, but it came back when my marriage was falling apart.
    I had married a very cold iceberg of a man.
    I took antidepressants, and went to a man psychologist.
    I saw how the same feelings from my teenage years were there.
    The psych showed me the links.
    I stayed single and withdrawn for 3 years.
    I dated someone for 7 months, he chased his ex behind my back. He was one step better for me than my ex.
    He had many women friends that felt like a threat to me.
    I then went into a 5 year relationship. He was more affectionate, warm and outgoing…same result, he cheated on me w a woman he saw at work every day.
    They established a deeper connection than I was ever capable of. I knew her, she is really connected and warm.
    I dated a jealous and possessive man for 3 months. I saw how my jealousy was like on the receiving end.
    He was chasing his ex behind my back.

    Now D. D has everything I ever wanted in a man, and I still got the same results. I don’t think he cheated on me, but he did pull away and did enjoy other women’s attention.
    No matter who the man, there will always be a woman threatening to me.
    Wanting the man to cut those threatening women out of their lives hasn’t worked for me.

    What I’m sure will work, is connecting deeply to myself. Sharing my deep self, will allow him to be connected deeply to me.
    Then the other women will no longer be a threat.

    If he is not capable of honouring that deep true me, someone else will bc now I know I am worthy.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:44am

  313. 313: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve just let the anger and hurt take over again. But I did manage to squeeze in some FMs. I also told him that I hate him. :(

    I don’t hate him. But I hate what he’s done. :(

    can’t stop crying now…. how could he do this????????

    I know he’s drunk but so what???? If I’d agreed to go and get him then this wouldn’t have happened…. maybe….

    But then what? More of the same???? I deserve so much better….

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:51am

  314. 314: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Throughout every relationship, I have gotten to know myself on a deeper level.
    And after every failed relationship, I have gotten a better man than the last.

    After seeing the results from my own deep soul and feeling searches, I will never stop and it will only attract to me better and better men and better and better behaviour from them.

    It’s all about ourselves and the work we do with ourselves.

    One of these men from my past has reached out to me through FB after 6 years to ask for my forgiveness.

    Another one still chases after me once in a while.

    But I have made peace w that past and I am thankful for the lessons. I am looking towards the future.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:53am

  315. 315: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW he is drunk. I am certain that I read where Rori about someone else and suggested that at that time he was not even a real live person.

    Also you are focussing on his behavior. I am certain I have read where she says that does not work. What are you feeling and where are you holding those feelings in your body?

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:55am

  316. 316: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiLi41 thanks for sharing your experience. I too am learning to sink deep into myself. I thank both Dominique and Rori for helping me to focus on doing that.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:56am

  317. 317: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW I was kind of hoping to redirect your attention from his behavior to spewing out some of the anger at me. Maybe you are one of those nice girls. Too nice for your own good. I wonder what would possess you to go out to get him after saying no? I wonder what would possess you to think you are responsible for his behavior? Are you his mother?

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:00am

  318. 318: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Lol but FW I know you’re coming from a good place and I so appreciate it!

    Ok, here’s how I feel right now. I feel angry, I feel devastated. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and smashed into a thousand pieces. I feel scared. I feel alone. I feel miserable. I feel unworthy of good. I feel stupid. I feel shocked. I feel pain where my heart used to be, before it was ripped out…

    And I didn’t go and get him, nor did I really want to. But I know that I let him manipulate me all the time….

    He just sent me a message saying “be home soon”. I’m not sure if he meant my home or his. I suppose I’ll find that out soon enough… :-\

    And no I am not responsible for his behaviour and I’m def not his mother. I suppose I’m blaming myself for pushing him away by keeping that darn wall up… I don’t know…. I know it’s not totally him that’s at fault, so I’m trying to work out what my part in all of this is….

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:06am

  319. 319: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    310:

    (((BW))):

    I’ve been there recently.
    He feels punished by you, so he’s punishing you back.
    Give yourself compassion, you are worthy of compassion.
    Give yourself credit for seeing the workings of this pattern clearly.

    Time to step away, and step towards yourself.
    Get into yourself w love and compassion.
    Give to yourself by getting into yourself.
    Time to look for what you want from him in yourself.

    Dive deep into yourself w this hurt right now.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:10am

  320. 320: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW I love your feeling messages. Now that you have them so clearly written out I would encourage you to share that as well as cry if he comes by you. Even though you might have decided to let him go. I would still open my heart wide and share that while trying to melt into myself. This is for you not him. This will help you share your truth and heal your heart. I believe this is the way to go. Take your focus off his behavior.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:11am

  321. 321: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    And yep FW, I AM too nice. My friends tell me I’m too good to him and I know I am. And for some unknown reason, I just can’t bring myself to be more about me and less about him! :(

    But I do know one thing – I have a heap of Rori’s stuff I need to keep listening to. And I need to do a LOT more CDing.

    Problem is he gets so jealous and over the top and sends me angry texts when he knows I’m out with a friend (even if he thinks it’s just a friend and nothing more) and goes on about how he needed me that night…or something along those lines…

    But the more time he spends at my house, the harder that is to do. Meeting someone after work can no longer happen because he’s coming home with me every day. Sigh… I feel so stuck right now…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:11am

  322. 322: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    When you do what Lili41 suggested your intuition will kick and you will know what to do. Trust yourself she will guide you in the direction.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:14am

  323. 323: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lili and FW. I’ll do that… :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:15am

  324. 324: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Well under the circumstances I would assume that you are just dating. So him coming home with you is just an imaginary relationship. If he has moved you back to just dating, that I would feel more safe to keep my options open, if I were wearing your shoes. It is your life and your are in charge of you. It is your choice to make regardless of what he says or does. Unless you want to be his puppet on a string. Where he can string you along at will.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:17am

  325. 325: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    BW:

    Don’t blame yourself, just see what you’re doing and love yourself for seeing it clearly.
    Blame is about fault. It’s not your fault, it just is. Accept it for what it is.
    Get to know it, as it becomes more and more familiar, you will recognize it a lot faster and it eventually won’t take over.
    Get to know it by asking it questions?
    Like “Where are you from stranger?”

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:18am

  326. 326: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    324:

    The best way to gather strength to do that is by connecting to ourselves, to our deep roots.
    It’s in our roots where we gather the strength to stand up for ourselves without projecting onto others.
    Step away from being strung along, step into ourselves.
    No one can play w you when you know yourself deep down and honour that deep self.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:24am

  327. 327: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE;265: luzydel says:

    “Been thinking and perhaps I am not built for long term relationships. I have tried many times, I am not possessive, psycho, mean or anything alike. But men leave, Like after several months of good moments out of no where, they do not want to continue.

    Some of us are meant to be alone…I need to embrace that and let it be…”

    Awwww… I used to feel that way too. I thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life, just having a man for 2 or three months at a time and then he’d leave. That is pretty much what happened for about 5 years. And then I met a guy who stayed. More leave than stay.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:25am

  328. 328: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    320:

    YES BIG TIME FW!!!

    Doing that made me feel like I cherish and love myself…and it’s attracting cherish and love from others…even hopeless D.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:29am

  329. 329: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Regarding men leaving after 2 or 3 months – I just recently got a great e-mail from Alexandra Fox regarding the stages of a relationship. It sounds possible that you aren’t making it past the “Learning to Get Along” stage in the relationship. I’ve also heard the stages referred to as “Forming, Storming, Conforming and Norming” and many people don’t get past the storming. I’ve been in the storming and think I have moved into conforming.

    Here is the e-mail from Alexandra Fox:

    STAGE 1: COURTSHIP

    In the beginning, everything is
    beautiful and wonderful. You love so
    many things about him! He seems to adore
    you. You are falling in love, and it
    feels like nothing else on earth.

    This stage is one of the most exciting
    moments of your life. You are starting a
    new journey with someone who is happy to
    be along for the ride. It’s a new
    beginning!

    Here’s a secret. It can help you keep
    your relationship fresh through all five
    of the stages.

    Don’t let this stage slip away!

    The happiest couples are the ones who
    revisit their courtship throughout their
    relationship. They remember the things
    that turned them on in the first place.
    They work to keep those memories alive.

    Enjoy this stage – it’s a beautiful
    time!

    STAGE 2: GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER

    This is where we start to see our
    partners for who they really are. It can
    actually be very exciting, because you
    are now seeing parts of him that were
    hidden during your courtship.

    This stage of your relationship is
    marked by those long nights of talking
    about anything and nothing at all. This
    is the time when you learn about all his
    little quirks and habits, and he learns
    the same about you.

    Take this opportunity to learn more.
    This is when he is comfortable enough to
    let his guard down!

    Now is the time to ask questions. Tell
    him more about you. Watch how he
    interacts with other people. Notice all
    his little habits, like the fact that he
    leaves clothes on the floor or that he
    is obsessive about brushing his teeth.

    Everything you are learning now will set
    you up for what comes next.

    STAGE 3: LEARNING TO GET ALONG

    Be warned: This is the stage where some
    couples call it quits. Why? This is the
    point where the serious issues – and
    serious differences – can come to
    light.

    This part of the relationship is when
    you begin to feel a little friction.
    Maybe you don’t agree on something,
    and instead of becoming an interesting
    discussion, it turns into a fight.

    Have you ever felt like an argument came
    out of the blue?

    Have you ever wondered where that
    wonderful man disappeared to?

    You’ve been in this stage!

    This is the stage when you are
    comfortable enough with each other to
    disagree. This is both a good thing and
    a bad thing.

    It’s a good thing because you now have
    a chance to figure out how to disagree
    the RIGHT way. You can take the time to
    work things out. How you work things out
    now will be a good indication of how
    well the rest of your relationship will
    go.

    It’s a bad thing because it takes away
    a bit of that happy, falling-in-love
    glow. You are seeing things you might
    not like. Some of those things might
    feel like dealbreakers.

    But if you can make it through this
    stage, you’re set up for something
    great!

    STAGE 4: FINDING FRIENDSHIP

    One of the most important parts of a
    long-term relationship is the short-term
    foundation. That foundation is built on
    friendship.

    It might seem strange to find friendship
    after the courtship, but trust me –
    that’s how most successful couples
    work!

    Let’s face it: The excitement won’t
    last forever. When the newness of the
    first stages of a relationship starts to
    wear off, you need something strong to
    hold you together. Friendship is a big
    part of that bond.

    You are finding common ground. You are
    becoming more stable. This is the point
    where you begin to trust your partner
    with many things that you might not have
    let him see before. You have the freedom
    to be yourself.

    You will learn more about him, too. You
    learn the things that make him who he
    is. He becomes more comfortable with
    you, and you can share so much more than
    you did before.

    This is where it starts to get REALLY
    good!

    But there is a darker side to this part
    of your relationship:

    You might be getting bored.

    It isn’t that you don’t love your
    partner. It isn’t that you don’t
    want to be with them. But the spark is
    gone! The fire has gone out! You know
    him so well – almost TOO well.

    This is where you really have to work
    hard to keep things moving.

    Remember when I said that the best of
    couples remember their courtship? They
    keep those memories alive? This is where
    it happens!

    Remember the romance. Go back to the
    little things that you stopped doing
    along the way. Send him a love letter.
    Wear his favorite dress. Ask him new
    questions about new things. Rediscover
    him!

    The more you focus on your partner, the
    deeper your friendship will become. The
    stronger that foundation, the easier it
    will be to move into the next stage.

    STAGE 5: TRUE COMMITMENT

    This is where the magic happens.

    At this point, you have both learned the
    good and bad about each other. You have
    argued – maybe you have had a few
    really rough disagreements. You got
    through it.

    This is the point where it all pays off.
    You are happy together. You can see a
    future with him. He is talking about
    buying that new house or getting married
    or starting a family.

    But it is still VERY important to
    remember the first stage, when you were
    falling so deeply in love. You have to
    work hard to recapture those moments and
    keep the romance alive!

    When it comes to relationships, you
    never stop working. You never stop
    trying!

    Even a marriage that has lasted for
    fifty years has rough days. Those are
    the days when that successful couple
    remembers what it was like to fall in
    love, and they try to do it all over
    again.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:35am

  330. 330: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    He’s gone to his house. So I doubt we’ll talk tonight, not even online. I’m thinking he’ll probably pass out as soon as he gets there….

    So that gives me time to sink into my feelings and come up with scripts that make it 100% about how I feel and to NOT come across as blamey.

    And here’s the biggest feeling of all: HUMILIATED.

    Yep. There are people we work with who know about us. And he’s posting that kind of stuff on there so they will see. How stupid does that make me look???? Yep humiliated is how I feel about that aspect.. :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:38am

  331. 331: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Embarrassed too.. and ashamed for tolerating this in my life…. :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:41am

  332. 332: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Well BW I just want to add one thing to what LiLi41 says. With this realization also forgive yourself. Forget about what people think because that will cause you to try to force the reality to fit the ideal. Deal with what is. Now with the awareness you have you can really look at and into yourself. Give yourself the hug you deserve and the forgiveness that you are so yearning for internally. You are the most important person in your life right now. And you deserve your own love. Turn the waterwheel of love towards you and allow it to pour all over you.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:56am

  333. 333: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going to try and get some sleep – it’s almost 3am here so I hope I fall asleep quickly.. :(

    I just sent him one last message saying that I feel alone, and I feel scared because I don’t want him gone from my life, but I also feel stupid for that same reason. I also said I want the pain to stop.

    Earlier I told him I felt devastated and how I feel embarrassed that I will look like a complete idiot in front of his friends that know about us…

    And lots more, but I really need to sleep.

    Thank you ladies for your help. I do feel a little better and need to do some more processing when I wake up.

    Sending my love and thanks. You have NO idea how much you mean to me right now…
    xxxxxxxxx

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:57am

  334. 334: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    FW:

    You brought up to BW “melt into myself”.

    That concept was so strange to me, it felt like an alien. I wasn’t getting it at all. It felt out of reach.

    Until I took the focus off of D, by leaning way way back. I would always bring the focus off of him back onto myself.
    I went way deep into myself. The deepest I could go.
    I shared that w D.
    I notice how I actually did feel myself melting into myself when he gave me a massage.
    When I shared my feelings to him about my massage, I was actually able to feel it for myself in a deep way.
    Until that experience, I was unable to reach those feelings, I was so cutoff from myself and my feelings.
    Now I know how to reach them in me. I felt so expressive and alive when I shared the feelings I got from his massage.
    I used to say “that massage felt so good” but w a cold vibe.
    He would react like yeah ok good whatever.
    Now I feel the warm open vibe in me when I express “oooooh yeah, that massage felt sooooo soothing, it felt like I was melting into the sofa.”
    He looked at me with a loving spark in his eyes, and I could feel the pride and happiness in his voice when he replied “ggoood, that’s what I was aiming at, making you feel good.”

    Last night, when I fell off the wagon and got angry w him…he wanted to come running eagerly to give me another massage to make me feel good again. :)

    That loving spark in his eye is still there. I hadn’t seen it in 2 years.
    I feel a happy vibe from him that I haven’t felt in a long time.
    He was stringing me along…waiting for that to show up.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:57am

  335. 335: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    These are very valuable lessons BW. Both for yourself and for the rest of us. These lessons will feed into your purpose on the planet though you don’t see it yet. I guarantee someone will come into your life that you will be able to help with this knowledge. Embrace your lessons because when we are sure what we don’t want then we can create what we do want.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:59am

  336. 336: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 334 Lili41 I felt my stomach open up into my vagina just reading that. I still struggle with melting into myself to be honest with you but I keep pushing forward, refusine to be intimidated. Rori is a real blessing for putting herself out there and sharing all her wisdom. I learned that from Reconnect.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:03am

  337. 337: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    333:

    And BW: you have no idea how much you mean to me also right now.

    Thank you so much for sharing who you really are.
    It’s a wonderful gift to me. XOX

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:05am

  338. 338: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    330:

    Yep, that public humiliation I felt when I was 7 years old…I keep getting into situations where that humiliating feeling comes back to bite me.
    It’s no longer a stranger to me, I know it very well now, I own it very well now.

    Keep diving into those feelings BW, keep looking at those…instead of diving into him and looking at him.
    Get to know those to get connected to those, they are the real true you.

    You’re doing great starting w your feelings in your post 333.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:15am

  339. 339: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    336:

    Awww FW, I feel touched.

    If cold cutoff me can do it, anyone can.

    If my cold iceberg mom can now melt into my arms when I give her a hug…ANYONE can!!!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:22am

  340. 340: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    GOD BLESS YOU RORI RAY !!!!!!! XOXOXOXOXOX

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:23am

  341. 341: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    What a dream team all of us make here!!!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:29am

  342. 342: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    There’s one method I have to get in touch w what’s going on w myself that I haven’t shared yet:

    I have these 2 books about how your physical ailments reflect what’s going on with us emotionally.

    I was having problems with my hemoroids. I looked it up in the books. It described it as a feeling of pulling and pushing at the same time, not knowing in which direction to go…in or out of the situation?
    Then the author guides us to connect to the source of that by giving us the specific questions to ask ourselves about our feelings.
    Like what am I keeping inside and resisting to come out? how do I not allow myself to feel the feeling I am lacking from others…and so on.

    It was so dead on for me.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:40am

  343. 343: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    (((BW)))

    Thank you for sharing all this…I’m sorry you are going thru it, but it sounds so familiar to me (Recycled).

    I don’t know your guy but perhaps he has some problems with alcohol…getting carried away with it and doing things that are hurtful.

    Good for you not going to pick him up. This struck me as a mommy thing-him reaching out for his “mommy” to come pick him up and help him. I’m soo glad you didn’t.

    BW you deserve so much more. I know how it feels though because I feel a huge attachment and desire for things to work out between RecycledCD and I, but I don’t think it will ever resolve. I don’t feel safe with him anymore after the damage that’s been done.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:23am

  344. 344: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, a lot has happen since I went out to lunch with my kids. BW, I wish I could give you a great big hug and then do something fun with you. I just had a very teary phone conversation with LP about my confusion about him needing his own Christmas tree. I felt shut out when he said that because of all of the help I gave him with gifts for his children (not buying them, but picking them up and wrapping them, storing them and such). It was all a misunderstanding and I need go learn to listen before I formulate some crazy idea in my head. Gosh I can be so self destructive sometimes.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:31am

  345. 345: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    LILI41 ((hugs))
    I feel inspired reading your story…thank you for sharing it. I’ve decided to focus on myself so much more recently and it has helped my self esteem alot. I still have funky days (i.e., yesterday was a lil rough) but I am bouncing back faster and able to pull out of the spiral.
    Hmm I feel a lil worried to share this, but I felt a little feeling of eeeeshh…noo….when I read about you making him a sandwich and he finally accepted it….
    I mean I’m not there with you and I don’t know him but it felt to me like you should let the waterwheel go toward you right now especially since the whole thing with you guys is getting back on track…don’t start mommying him.

    I feel like you are married, then yes you can make him dinner, sandwich, etc…but it feels a little early in the game to be doing that. Don’t take away his opportunity to give to you because that’s when he feels more like a man in the relationship I think from what Rori says…I recall….

    I don’t knwo what I’m talking about really but just wanted to share that it made me cringe about the sandwich…jsut a gut reaction….

    Loves to you LILI xoxox
    -Emerson

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:32am

  346. 346: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning/afternoon US sirens. And I guess good evening to the European sirens. I have no idea what time it is around Australia, sorry=/

    CF came over last night and he rubbed my back for the duration of an entire movie. He wanted to cuddle so much and be so close to me, constantly giving me love and attention… I felt overwhelmed!! I found myself wanting him to buzz off.

    Then I got this sinking feeling… I had seen this happen before with the guy I dated all of 2010. Once it is clear that the man is extremely into me with all his heart, I feel turned off. I lose respect for him. He seems weak to me.

    And then it occurred to me that it isn’t that these men are weak. It is me. I feel uncomfortable with receiving true love and affection. So uncomfortable that my defenses project it as feeling turned off and seeing them as weak.

    So I opened my heart and tried to just receive. It was a trigger-fest inside of me, for sure, to try to do that. Now that it’s morning and I’ve had time to process, I just feel amazing and optimistic. This is a man who will really care for me, without me even having to ask, when I am not feeling 100%. He knew I had cramps from hell and that I felt weird being around him while i was experiencing hormonal/female discomforts, and he showed me MORE love for it.

    I’m used to (and now I see that I’ve been PREFERRING) guys who don’t “get” it when I am not feeling 100%. But CF really showed up for me. And didn’t make me feel like he just doing it for my sake because I was in need, but put his heart into it and enjoyed it himself.

    I feel really wonderful about him. He is teaching me so much about love, and what it is supposed to feel like when you care about someone. He introduces new standards into my love life all the time, and now I have a new one to hold men to: he is a fully present partner. He treats me like my comfort and happiness is tied to his own.

    What makes it extra lovely is that while we were picking out movies at the store, he said a few times he wasn’t planning on watching the movie, just making out with me while it was playing. But I repeated a few times that I *actually* wanted to watch the movie. I started to feel a little triggered and objectified, but he did hear me and still showed me love and care even though I wasn’t gonna fool around.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:33am

  347. 347: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m really big on this not mommying thing and it’s really on my radar because I’ve been that way my whole life…
    I’ve mommy’d my boyfriends a lot and they love it but guess what!!! then I’m their MOMMY. AAAAACKKK!!!!

    I even mommy’d REcycled in the beginning I mean like big time…well that stopped after we reconnected and I’d found Rori in the meantime…and you know what?????/
    He treated me better and was initiating and coming toward me like crazy…loved it…and I just allowed it to flow to me…and I didn’t “give” back…only with my heart and smile and warmth…and for a while it was going so good and we were reconnecting.

    The reason it’s falling apart is that he still has unfinished business with other women (his divorce and his female roommate which I have a problem with both of these!!!!!!)
    So Ive been the one to kinda push him away…cuz he is not really AVAILABLE…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:36am

  348. 348: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla 346 makes me go “awwww!!!!” so sweet…I love it when guys are like that!! I feel all awwww and soft toward you and him too…
    :-)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:38am

  349. 349: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I also know how it feels to resent someone “giving” to me…
    My Mom “gives” to me certain things to make herself feel better, not because they are things I really need.

    I resent it A LOT. It feels so invading and uncomfortable and weird….and she also does not receive well….at all.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:51am

  350. 350: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    349 basically this is condependency

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:52am

  351. 351: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    345:

    Oh yeah, I hear you about the sandwich.

    I was never able to receive what he was giving to me in the beginning. The waterwheel was drenching me.
    Then he turned the waterwheel away from me when I wasn’t receiving and wasn’t giving back.
    I then became the overfunctioning mommy where the waterwheel was only going out from me to him.
    The waterwheel is about leaning back and letting him give to us 1st, then we give back from what he is giving to us….and around and around it goes.
    It’s not about it going only 1 way.
    Now that I leaned back and he started to give to me again, I am giving back….but careful not give back more than I get, to have a good balance…that’s the whole idea behind the waterwheel.

    It feels good to read that you are doing better and better Emerson. You are really on the right track.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:53am

  352. 352: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    351:

    Overfunctioning is when we do more than they do for us. It is not overfunctioning when the giving and receiving is balanced.
    But they need to give to us 1st. And we give to them from what they give us.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:56am

  353. 353: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    351 and 352 LILI

    Yes I know about the waterwheel…but what you said in 351 hmmm it sounds kind of like keeping score…like you can match what he gives to you as long as he does it first…and it’s even.

    From what I recall Rori teaches that our giving is supposed to be primarily more about giving love and open heart, etc….not “doing”…doing is masculine…
    I’m not trying to argue here…just exploring…and it’s not necessarily supposed to be even…

    I do get it….it feels satisfying and creates a bonding feeling to do things like making dinner or lunch for a man or ironing his shirt or doing laundry,,,it’s fun to me…and feels domestic and like I’m a wife….giving that stuff as well as giving love and open heart etc….

    But I’ve changed, they dont get that domestic chore stuff from me anymore unless they are paying the roof over my head and I have a ring on my finger with a marriage committment. That’s just me.

    Maybe I’m being extreme but that’s how I feel about it.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:06am

  354. 354: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    346:

    Oh Starla, isn’t it wonderful to discover how to receive!

    I was all pms, swollen and cramped the other night when D came over and gave me the best massage ever.
    He was so happy that I finally was able to really receive it and soak it in.

    We are worthy of that attention and caring!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:06am

  355. 355: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I would like to add to this discussion of giving back…

    I think that for women, giving back takes different forms. We often want to give with gestures and gifts, since this is what they’re giving us. But I think of giving back most of the time as a genuine smile, a loving look, a compliment about how great he makes you feel. I give back energetically and by opening my heart to all he is giving to me. If he is a good, mature man, this will be enough.

    I also think that when we give back in this energetic way, and he keeps giving and giving, that when we *do* fix him a sandwich or give him a shoulder rub, we won’t fear that we are overfunctioning, and it won’t feel that way to him. For me, it is really important to listen to my feelings and my motives to know when I am just giving back and when I am overfunctioning.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:06am

  356. 356: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    LILI 41
    btw, I was not insinuating that you were codependent it was an observation about my Mom…she is so codependent and tries to put it on me and I have to be careful not to duplicate that behavior, so I’m hypersensitive to the topic…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:07am

  357. 357: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    353:

    Hmmmm, thanks for sharing that Emerson, I am pondering that thought.

    Just going back to when he would clean my place for me, wash my floors for when my mom came for a visit.
    He was extremely p*ssed at me when I did that for my friend but never for him.
    He doesn’t want a mom, but he does want the teamwork of taking care of each other.
    I brought out the masculine in him by telling him that he needs to ask when he needs help. Not asking and expecting is to me feminine energy.

    I’ll continue thinking and trying on your view Emerson…food for thought indeed…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:16am

  358. 358: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    355:

    Oh wow Starla!
    That’s exactly what I needed to read to close the gap.

    Btw, I didn’t make him anything, it was a ready made meatpie leftover from my supper.

    Tonight, I am making seafood for myself. For me. He’s welcomed to join in. But I’m not leaning forward by inviting him 1st.
    When he calls and asks what I’m up to, I’ll respond what I’m doing for myself.
    If he wants to come and see me, I’ll be sharing w him what I made for myself.
    The old overfunctioning mommy me would have leaned forward to invite him then ask him what he wants for supper.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:30am

  359. 359: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    357 LILI
    thank you for your response and wow I feel happy that we can discuss things and share different views! I learn a lot from you and the other sirens and my interpretation of Rori’s tools are not always the same as others! Thanks for your feedback…

    I do want to say that it feels ick that he was mad about washing your floors…and that he resented that you didn’t do it for him but you’d do it for friends….If he wants that teamwork well then that’s called marriage…

    He’s not supposed to be keeping score. It feels like that to me when I read that and I would feel pressured to keep score too and be sure to give back something to keep it even and to avoid that confrontation again…..aaaackkk…

    I feel scared sharing all this with you because I don’t want to rain on your parade or sound like I’m being so critical….but I’m working on being authentic too and I want to learn and share this, and I respect your opinion LILI and your feedback…..

    Anyway. I feel this scorekeeping is something that is not a dealbreaker and could be worked out but kind of concerning nonetheless….

    I have issues with the idea of keeping score, etc…and I don’t like it one bit.

    For example, I will share this…
    I felt instantly turned off by OceanCD the other night when we had our date because he was late (due to rain/accidents on the fwy/traffic and he called me to tell me so it is understandable, but still annoying)…anyway when he got there, he said “oh now we are even, last time we met you were 20 minutes late”….
    I was so taken aback and wanted to say how dare you say that to me! I didn’t remember being 20 minutes late last time, but even if I was, why was he trying to be “even”???? It was so YUCK YUCK YUCK…..I wish I’d had the balls to say umm you know what, it feels really bad to hear that and I feel turned off now….instead I kinda brushed it off and I was so shocked…I said what I was late? I dont recall that…and he insisted I was.

    Well needless to say, I am not going to tolerate that anymore.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:30am

  360. 360: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque/Rori I’d welcome your feedback about this giving and receiving/keeping score topic….

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:36am

  361. 361: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    359:

    I’m noticing how I don’t feel triggered and defensive about other people’s triggers anymore.

    However I am open to try it on and see if it fits. Maybe see things that I haven’t seen before.
    I will stay tuned onto my feelings and see if it’s about scorekeeping to me.
    But if it doesn’t trigger me, maybe it isn’t an issue for me.
    Nonetheless I will be aware of my feelings, bc they will tell me if something is off.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:38am

  362. 362: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    357 I feel that if he chooses to wash your floors and help you clean, that is very kind, and it’s his choice, and imho it should be done with NO EXPECTATIONS….

    and if you want to clean your friends house till the cows come home and NEVER clean his house, well that should not change anything and you should’t be called out for it…it’s your business if you want to do that!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:39am

  363. 363: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    362 I’m feeling a lil bit like I want to defend you LILI…that’s what is coming out here….
    and it’s cuz I didn’t stand up for myself when I should have….so it’s coming up for me to heal…
    Thank you for helping me..

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:50am

  364. 364: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    355:

    That is so right on, Starla.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:56am

  365. 365: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thankful for Rori’s post and her gesture of blessings…aww feels so nice. :) I feel teary.

    I love what Rori says here
    “For me, Thanksgiving as a tradition means nothing.

    What counts for me is that with a “holiday,” we have a moment where so many of us can say “Thanks” to something – all at the same time.”

    *********************************

    This resonates with me a lot because it takes the pressure off Thanksgiving as a tradition and the idea of what is expected to come with it…ie., perfect dinner table with family and everyone with their perfect nuclear family units in tow…ack I’ve never experienced that and it always made me feel so out of sorts…..but who cares now it’s just a day to say thank you…I can’t live up to being a live Hallmark card….

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:07pm

  366. 366: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla

    “Then I got this sinking feeling… I had seen this happen before with the guy I dated all of 2010. Once it is clear that the man is extremely into me with all his heart, I feel turned off. I lose respect for him. He seems weak to me.”

    Yes this how I’ve been feeling too.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:18pm

  367. 367: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ella and Starla,
    I’ve felt this way too…and I think what helps me is to get even MORE into myself and realize how hot I am and I’m super amazing…like yeah, I agree, I can see howcome you’re so into me dude!! and that kinda helps…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:31pm

  368. 368: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Emerson #367 – I like it! :)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:40pm

  369. 369: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiLi41 at the risk of butting in on the conversation about the floors, but what came to was that him saying he was angry is him sharing some of his passion and secrets where some other guys might just have withdrawn and stewed in silence. He felt safe enough to share that with you. Also I believe every relationship is different, if that would not make him feel emasculated or push away because of being mummied that maybe it is good to listen to him sharing his thinking.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:45pm

  370. 370: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Nikita))).

    That feels so good :)

    Will Skype you

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:56pm

  371. 371: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Hey ladies!

    I was about to come on here last night and write “score one for the Siren team!” But then I woke up this morning, and I felt not so sure. I feel like maybe I only made a siren score amid a big, covert controlling “mistake.”…

    So here’s my story, back to front:

    Last night, K1 came to see me and we went out to dinner. All the way there and through dinner, I had this odd sense that he was feeling anxious, and I couldn’t really put my finger on it. I felt annoyed, actually. But I sat through it, and noticed the feelings without making a big deal out of it or even mentioning it, figuring that would only make things worse. This actually is a GREAT step for me, because in the past, I might have started to get accusatory at him or something, or just started to act weird.

    Instead, I was just as polite as possible, and let him lead the conversation. Except when he asked me about my ex. And then I just stared at him. Looked down at my plate, and changed the subject. I was so uncomfortable, that I didn’t even want to *say* that I wanted to change the subject. I just refused to address it altogether. So, actually, that’s another score for me, because I avoided making an “issue” out of that, too. And, in my own way (I hope), I let him know that the specifics of that topic are off-limits.

    The weird and scary thing was that, the night before, after Thanksgiving dinner, he came over, and he started to read my palm. After a few minutes, I had to make it stop, because what he was saying was just way too accurate. He said he was just “making it up.” But there is no way he was “making up” the fact that I almost got married in my mid-20s. He saw that in my palm, and he said it, and it freaked me out. I even started shaking. And I told him about that, too. I was very honest to how I was feeling.

    He told me that, on the way to my house, he wasn’t even sure if he should come. He said he felt something “unknown.” And he even sat in his car for several minutes before calling to let me know he was there.

    During those few minutes, I had a moment, too, where I felt unsure if he would arrive. But instead of texting him, I sad down and did a little visualization on receiving and feeling gratitude. A minute later, he called me.

    He told me his feelings later on, after dinner, and I listened. Then he thanked me for letting him “open up to me.” It felt good, but the whole evening had a different feel from the fun of the night before. Suddenly, there seemed something large and dark and scary that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

    When I woke up, I thought of something else I had almost forgotten. The original plan for Friday – or rather, the plan he suggested – was that we cook together. That was his idea, that was what I wanted to do. But then I told him no. And I used my religion as an excuse (we are not supposed to cook on Shabbat). But that is such a lame excuse. I cook on shabbat all the time, and I told him this. I feel like such a hypocrite.

    The real reason I didn’t want to cook with him was that I was afraid to. I was afraid for two reasons (neither of which I’ve told him about, because I wasn’t thinking about them at the time). I was afraid because, in the past, when I’ve tried to cook with people, I’ve gotten really upset by minor things. I can be very “possessive” in the kitchen. And if someone isn’t doing things “my way,” it freaks me out. I know. It is totally irrational. and I don’t really know what it has to do with anything. But I am so afraid of my control-freakishness in this regard, that I just didn’t want to get into a position where I would scare him with it too soon – it would only be our third date, after all!

    The second reason it scared me is that cooking together suggests a very intimate endeavor. Food is intimate. Cooking is intimate. Cooking together requires coordination and communication and flow. Knowing who the other person is what they are doing, and how it relates to you and what you are doing. I am so used to cooking alone. I don’t know if I can “cook” with another person. :(

    This scares me.

    It scares me so much, and I am just realizing how great it is that I am realizing it. And so now maybe I can address it, and admit to myself – and maybe to him – that I am really just afraid of intimacy. That’s what it is about, as far as I am concerned. And I don’t mind being afraid of it. It’s scary to be intimate with someone. But I don’t want the fear to stop me. And I don’t want to fear I have to stop him either. :/

    So today, I am taking it easy. I am writing here instead of contacting him. I am going to let him make the next move, and decide what happens. That way he can feel safe and comfortable coming toward me again. I want to make sure that he feels free to take the lead, make suggestions, and do what he feels is good to do with me. :)

    Happy thoughts. Thinking happy thoughts…

    And going to see the muppets with my gfs tonight! yay! :)

    xxoo’s

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 12:59pm

  372. 372: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    342: LILI 41 – OMG really????? That explains a LOT!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:36pm

  373. 373: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    343: Emerson – Thank you. Yeah I don’t feel safe either, and if he’s true to form he’ll contact me later and beg to talk. I know I’ll let that happen (which is not necessarily a bad thing), but I need to feel safe again and I’m not sure anything he says will help that. :(

    I had such high hopes for us and now he’s done this. Even if it meant nothing (and I get that from his texts) and he has no intention of doing anything with that girl, how on earth can I trust him when he’s out without me anymore? That’s a biggy – especially if she’s going to be there! :-\

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:39pm

  374. 374: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    344: Ice Princess – TH says I overreact all the time. Sometimes he’s right. Sometimes I’m not so sure….

    Thank you for the almost hug from far, far away. xxxx

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:40pm

  375. 375: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting. The girl he hit on via FB last night has replied to his comment (where he basically hit on her) with this: “lol I think you’re getting me mixed up with someone else.”

    She just received a great deal of respect from me… I feel a LOT better reading that too…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:45pm

  376. 376: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    375, Yeah, that does feel good to read BW!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:51pm

  377. 377: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I started doing something that should feel fun to me, but it is making me sad and angry instead. At first I started to feel angry with LP but then I realized I’m mad at myself for putting myself in this situation. I’m going to stop for now, go to the grocery store, and then see how I feel.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:53pm

  378. 378: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    He’s been telling me for a long time that she doesn’t mean anything to him and they’re just friends. But she’s the one he’s out socialising with while I sit at home.

    They almost had a lunch date the other day too, but he cancelled because of me. I didn’t ask him to though – he chose to. I’m wondering if he’ll make me “pay” for that….

    He also told me that if he didn’t want to be with me, then he wouldn’t be, and to stop making a big deal out of everything.

    Could I have overreacted to his blatant attempt at hitting on her in front of the world? I still think I’m justified in feeling hurt though, but did I let it bring me too far down??? Oh I don’t know!!! :-\

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:57pm

  379. 379: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    IP, a lot of my anger has been directed at me too. For me, it’s been my boundaries. I’ve been way too soft…. and I resent him for that, even though they’re my boundaries and my choice whether to stick to them or not..

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 1:58pm

  380. 380: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s what he put on FB last night that really upset me (he knows how insecure I feel about her, and he also deleted me as a friend on FB recently (yep I know, another red flag) because of all of the drama, so probably doesn’t realise I can still see what he’s posting):

    “T, you should be looking after me right now …. H (female friend) will look after S (H’s bf) soon ;)”

    Ok, have I overreacted??? I feel really bad reading that, but have I gone over the top with this????

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 2:01pm

  381. 381: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    He posted that on FB only a minute or two after I told him I couldn’t go and pick him up last night….

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 2:02pm

  382. 382: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel awful and angry and my heart all beat up

    i want to heal this

    mmm

    i feel sad

    and quiet

    and this is a familiar feeling

    and i want it to be felt and healed

    i intend to heal this

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 2:35pm

  383. 383: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I need help on this one! Thank you in afvanve for yout good suggestions!

    Last Wednesday, E proposed me to do something tonight. No plans and no time. We always do that. I usually don’t care because he usually call me early in the afternoon and let me know and it’s fine with me.

    Today he texted me asking about my party of last night an that’s it. So I asked what then plan was, he replied: “Right now im moving my friend, i’ll text you later..you are not too hang over from yestarday?”.

    And now it’s almost 6 and he hasen’t give me any plan or time. I feel bored. How can I let him know? Should I cancel since he’s going over my boundaries?? I’m feeling tired from last night and I don’t feel like having to rush for getting ready when he finaly text me and I don’t feel like going out at 10 tonight!

    Any suggestions of script with feeling messages? I want him to feel that I’m still super into him and warm and everything but that I don’t want to do it that way…

    Help!!!!!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 2:41pm

  384. 384: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    363:

    I feel appreciated and protected by you Emerson, and that feels good.

    D and I worked all that out before, that’s why it no longer is triggering to me.

    When he was angry at how I helped my friend but never him. I shared w him how it felt helping her out, how her cousin taught me how to paint edges…how I loved that interaction, learning from someone.
    I told my friend’s cousin how he was jealous of me helping my friend out. She said to me “you do things for your friend bc you trust her, you don’t do anything for men bc you don’t trust them.” She was right.
    Later on, D taught me how to paint kitchen cubbards and we did it together. His teaching me was his male energy at work, me receiving his teaching was my female energy at work.
    That moment made both of us very happy. That’s what we both dream of, teamwork in restoring an old house together.
    With his doing the teaching and letting myself receive that teaching was the teamwork interaction that we both dreamed of for a long time.
    I’ve always had men treat me like their servant and slave before he came along.
    If I want to make him happy, I let him cook w me instead of cooking for him.
    He looooves cooking together in the kitchen.
    I loooove having him participate.
    Now that we are clear on that, doing stuff for each other is no longer a trigger and no longer an issue.
    I healed that “servant slave” part of me.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 2:41pm

  385. 385: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I need help on this one! Thank you in afvanve for yout good suggestions!

    Last Wednesday, E proposed me to do something tonight. No plans and no time. We always do that. I usually don’t care because he usually call me early in the afternoon and let me know and it’s fine with me.

    Today he texted me asking about my party of last night an that’s it. So I asked what then plan was, he replied: “Right now im moving my friend, i’ll text you later..you are not too hang over from yestarday?”.

    And now it’s almost 6 and he hasen’t give me any plan or time. I feel bored. How can I let him know? Should I cancel since he’s going over my boundaries?? I’m feeling tired from last night and I don’t feel like having to rush for getting ready when he finaly text me and I don’t feel like going out at 10 tonight!

    Any suggestions of script with feeling messages? I want him to feel that I’m still super into him and warm and everything but that I don’t want to do it that way…

    Help!!!!!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 2:42pm

  386. 386: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oups sorry for posting twice. I am on my phone and when I pressed Submit Comment i received a notice if failure so I resent it and now I see that it appeared twice. Sorryyyy!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 2:44pm

  387. 387: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    385: Lizka – I’m not sure what advice to give you there. I really do suck when it comes to boundaries etc.

    I think I read somewhere or maybe it was one of Rori’s programs that it’s always good to have a Plan B organised in case he doesn’t turn up. And then if he contacts you, you can say something like “Oh I feel so disappointed but when you didn’t call I made other plans!”.

    What do the rest of you sirens think?

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 2:51pm

  388. 388: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, when he contacts you, just tell him you’re feeling cozy at home already and don’t want to go out.

    if he makes a fuss, then u can worry about feeling messages about the issue of no plans.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:00pm

  389. 389: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Actually I don’t really want to make other plan, I’m tired and if I don’t see him I will be very ok with staying home watching movies.

    And I don’t feel honnest to tell him that since he didn’t call me, I made other plans. Because he did call me! Just didn’t give me a time and a place…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:01pm

  390. 390: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    He’s messaging me and he’s angry. And making this all my fault. He does that a lot. Sigh… :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:01pm

  391. 391: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    essentially, you just tell him the truth without making him or you wrong. lovely:)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:01pm

  392. 392: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    390 – do you ever just not answer him?

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:02pm

  393. 393: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    So I should not tell him in advance that I am staying home? Isn’t it a little bad? In the past, we were doing that a lot, like we were stuck in a pattern of cancelling last minute. Both him and me. And since a month or 2, we kind of promised to each other that we don’t do that. If I don’t call in advance to tell him I am not interested anymore for tonight, I’m afraid we will go back to this pattern… Am I wrong to think that?

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:05pm

  394. 394: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t answer for a bit. And then he came back to tell me he’d deleted the inappropriate post. I didn’t ask him to do that so I’m not sure why he’s done it, but I suppose I need to be out of his head and into how I feel.

    I feel better that he’s done it and I thanked him for doing so…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:05pm

  395. 395: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    He just told me hates that I was checking up on him and he hates me right now. I said “That feels bad.”

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:08pm

  396. 396: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    He’s so angry right now but he’s stopped messaging and probably closed his laptop because it looks like he’s gone offline.

    I need to find something to do today to take my mind off him I suppose. I was planning to do my toenails today, and exfoliate too. But that won’t take long to do…

    I have a strong suspicion that he’ll message me later to go and talk to him about everything. But at the same time I suppose I’ll be ok if he doesn’t.

    If he doesn’t then I’m planning to cook something extra yummy for dinner tonight for my daughter and I – it’s her last weekend here for a month, so I want to make the most of it.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:14pm

  397. 397: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I think I will folliw your advices BW and Starla. It would be leaning foward and trying to get something from him if i just text him now. I am gonna get cozy, order a movie and go buy pop corn and when he finaly calls, I’ll send him a felling messages. I need help for that now!

    Something like “I felt bored and kind of not respected. I got cozy and ordered a movie. I don’t want to know the plans last minute.”

    I don’t like how it sounds. Something else?

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:16pm

  398. 398: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    BW, if he does ask, you could even just tell him it would feel great to talk to him, but that it’s your last weekend with your daughter for a month so you don’t want to do it tonight. then ask him what he thinks.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:18pm

  399. 399: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lizka 397, the first sentence feels pretty blamey.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:32pm

  400. 400: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, what should I say then? I can’t think of a good feeling message. :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:34pm

  401. 401: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i have been feeling paralyzed and odd when it comes to taking care of myself. especially when i am hungry. i don’t eat anything and then nothing else gets done because i am really really hungry.

    i don’t get it. usually after a few hours of it i give in and get up and eat and start being productive. but it feels like an awful struggle to get there. i feel paralyzed.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:35pm

  402. 402: RadianceNo Gravatar says:

    I feel blessed by you Rori and your mission, the life-enhancing tools you offer us and by the community of Sirens here learning, exploring and connecting so deeply–contributing to improving each other’s lives.

    I feel gratitude for increased awareness about my feelings and increased confidence to reveal my authentic self to those close to me and to everyone I encounter.

    I feel delight and power and renewed energy to be finally leaning back from an unavailable CD I have been overfunctioning with for close to three years. And gratitude for the feeling of support to change that comes just from reading the contributions of other women working with your tools and their boundaries and triggers and healing.

    Thank you, Rori, and all the Sirens that post!
    xoxo

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:38pm

  403. 403: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    just tell him the truth. “i am feeling cozy at home relaxing alone, i don’t want to go out tonight.”

    you can tell him “it’d feel great to go out with you another time. sometime i just need firmer plans or i risk getting cozy at home for the night.”

    remember, YOU are the prize, Lizka.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:42pm

  404. 404: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    And… I’ve officially taken a step back. I will not contact him again. If he decides he wants to talk and I’m available, then fine, I’ll talk.

    But for now I am going to take a nap, then I’m going to take a long shower and exfoliate, then I’ll do my toenails before turning on the air conditioning and sitting back with a movie…. I also have a heap of emails to get through. I might do that too, and that should take most of the day.

    And then later I’ll go shopping and buy something nice for dinner.

    I feel better now that I’ve stepped back. Like a huge weight has lifted.

    If he leans forward and initiates contact with me, then great. And if he doesn’t, then I know I’ll be ok – and there are other options out there for me anyway… This has all happened because it was supposed to. It’s all for some very good reason. I’m not sure what that reason is, but I choose to learn from it…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:46pm

  405. 405: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    384:

    I had always felt like a slave servant to men, and D always felt like a slave servant to women.

    He dared wash my floors anyway, and I closed him off and did nothing for him afraid that I would again be the slave servant.

    I shared w him that truth about how I felt like I was a slave and he shared his feelings w me of how he felt like a slave in his past relationships.

    Just now, I told him how I feel like having a really good desert to follow the meal I cooked.
    I said “my unworthy little girl feels bad to make you run out”…he replied “I won’t run, I’ll drive w my car lol”.
    He ran down the stairs and off to go get desert.
    I will enjoy that desert!

    Healing the “slave” part of ourselves took place over the last year.
    Baby steps…
    We’ve been healing our sh*t together here for the last couple of years.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:54pm

  406. 406: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i really need to break out of this rut. a houseguest is coming for a week tomorrow and i have a dinner to meet all of CF’s family.

    i’m going to start by making a reasonable to-do list for the evening. it’s 5 here so maybe i can have a bunch done in 2 or 3 hours and i’ll feel much better.

    i noticed my inactivity breeds more inactivity through shame and depression.

    and then i’ll cover it up by hanging out with men and letting their attention distract me from taking care of myself.

    i’ll report back when then to-do list has been configured to realistic specifications for the evening.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 3:59pm

  407. 407: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh thank you Starla it’s a very good script.

    I feel more confident now. But I feel sad at the same time. I must not be too important for him if it’s 7pm and he hasen’t call me yet…

    I have a feeling that after moving his friend, they started drinking and he’s just gonna forget about me… :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:03pm

  408. 408: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ok i made my to do list

    i’m feeling overwhelmed ahhh

    ok i am going to go do the first thing on my list. will be reporting back.

    it’s starla spam night on the blog, sorry guys

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:14pm

  409. 409: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to be unforgettable :(

    Specially for E…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:16pm

  410. 410: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Go go go Starla! You gonna feel better and better as you go through your to do list!

    :)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:23pm

  411. 411: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    409, Me too Lizka.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:34pm

  412. 412: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    380 BW ((hugs)) to you…
    Perhaps you remember this article from back in October… but I thought I’d share it since your comments in 380 made me think of it:
    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/if-he-unfriends-you-on-facebook-drop-him/

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:36pm

  413. 413: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel good. I got cozy, in my pyjama, with my dog, ordered the russian movies I wanted to see for a week! Yay!!

    I feel confident that not callig E if he’s not calling me for a plan will good result. Better result then what I would have with what I would have done a few weeks ago! That’s for sure.

    Yay! I feel blessed for learning to use Rori’s tool!

    I’m a siren, la la la!

    :)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:48pm

  414. 414: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the encouragement, Lizka!:) I went crazy and actually crossed 4 things off the list! now i’m eating a handful of wasabi/soy sauce almonds and going to tackle the next thing on the list.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 4:56pm

  415. 415: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ack, i am not moving, just feeling agitated at all this stagnant energy! lol i feel ridiculous.

    okay now i move.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:08pm

  416. 416: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    401 Starla I get like that sometimes too…I have to force myself to get up and get ready and I feel better once I do…but it’s a struggle. Maybe its the season and the cold weather!?

    BW 395 the fact that he said he hates you makes huge alarms go off…eeeek that is not ok!!!! He sounds like my toxic-ex alcoholic!

    Lizka if you feel angry I would not hesitate to say I feel angry for being left hanging…it feels bad to have plans not followed thru…

    maybe that is blamey but if it’s true then hmmm….

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:10pm

  417. 417: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohh! E texted me, finaly!!!!!!

    I feel nervous and proud at the same time. I used your script Starla. It went like this:

    Him: Hey you (smiley)! Just got home, what are you up to?

    Me: Hi! I am watching a russian movie. I am feeling cozy at home relaxing…

    Him: I feel like going out, are you in shape (big smiley) ?

    (Arrrrrg I so feel like saying yes but I would have to wash my hair, and blow dry it, and do my make up, and get dressed. That is at least 1.5 hour… Plus I already ordered and paid for my movie. I have to stick to my new plan. He just had to call earlier!)

    Me: (sad face) I don’t really want to go out. It would feel great to go out with you another time though. Sometimes I just need firmer plans or I risk getting cozy at home for the night…

    Him: No problemos, have a good evening (smiley) !

    So he’s not mad? Apparently not. I wish he would have seem more desapointed. Whatever. I feel excited about doing what I just did! I would have never do that in the past! I would have get ready and waiting for him to call and be angry because he would only call late. Or I would have jump in the shower and say yes yes we go out even if I would have be mad and there would have been a bad vibe during the date. Ahhjhh I feel so happy to have say no!!! My god!!!! Proud proyd proud!!

    We’ll see where this takes me! I am feeling very very confident!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:18pm

  418. 418: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Emerson for your advice. I read it too late. I think what I did was good anyway. And I was not really feeling angry. More bored and just meeeh I don’t want to wash my hair for someone who’s taking his time to give me a plan. I need plans!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:25pm

  419. 419: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg im feeling so good now!

    my mom came and talked to me and it felt good.

    and now i got my light off and reggae music on the computer and i just walked in the room and it felt so good viby…

    mmmmm

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:28pm

  420. 420: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, why don’t you put some music and dance while doing your chores? That’s what I do when I have a lack of motivation. It’s more fun and in bonus, I feel sexy at washing the dishes and cleaning the floor! Haha I’m probably not really sexy with my yellow rubber gloves!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:28pm

  421. 421: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka he himself could be tired and might want to rest. However, knowing you were waiting for him to take you out could have had him feeling obligated and believe me you don’t want him taking you out feeling that way. Giving him this freedom could really endear you to his heart if he does not feel any resentment when you meet again. He might spend the rest of the night just thinking about you.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:28pm

  422. 422: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Daria for making me raspberrry leaf tea and drinking it

    thank you for washing me and changing my underwear

    thank you for warming me up yummy oatmeal

    thank you for warming up my tofee pudding

    thank you for feeding me yummy stuff

    thank you for listening with my mom

    thank you for saying no when i didn’t want to do something

    tahnk you for lighting my candle

    thank you for putting me in a good mood

    thank you for not ‘pushing’ for something that seemed unlikely to happen

    thank you for loving me

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:33pm

  423. 423: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Whew, I’m so glad to come here & read all the posts. Sometimes it’s helpful to just read about everyone leaning back & not calling or texting. Just trusting that things will work out for the best.

    I feel like that with k1 right now. Still questioning & wondering where he is “at” after our weird, awkward date last night. Things went from being so open, clear & easy to being open, clear & difficult-feeling. I guess I could try & sur here & figure out why. And I might even be right. But the truth is, does it matter? And who cares why? That’s how it feels & I don’t like it. I am just sinking into the feelings…they feel like: dark. Uncertainty. Unknown. An icky feeling in my stomach. A heavy feeling on my sinuses. But o don’t have to solve it. I don’t have to fix it. I don’t even have to know what it is or what it means. He is very intuitive & sensitive. He picks up on a lot of things going on with me. Better to shift my energy to the positive so he can pick up on that :)

    Meanwhile, I had a lovely. And sweet 2-hour phone convo with another cd, who really wants to see me, as soon as he gets home. And I’m going out for dinner & a movie w/ my girlfriends.

    I’m not really concerned with what k1 thinks or does. He likes me. He said I have “th

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:37pm

  424. 424: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW thank you. That feels good to read.

    “He might spend the rest of the night just thinking about you.” – I did not think of that but it’s possible and it’s really cheering me up! Yay!!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:38pm

  425. 425: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Scratch that. Basically, if he’s going to contact me, he will. Otherwise, It’s not my problem :-)

    ‘night ladies. You are being so awesome & sireny! :)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:41pm

  426. 426: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm thank you Daria for doing EFT

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:44pm

  427. 427: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    412: Emerson – Oh yeah I remember it, hence my reference to a big red flag earlier.. and I know he’s doing it purely because of his immaturity. But I thought by 31 he’d have grown up at least a little? Maybe not…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:48pm

  428. 428: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    416: Emerson – no it’s not ok. Although last night in all my anger I said the same thing to him. But I meant more that I hated what he’d done. He probably feels the same way but I can’t be sure…

    Oh and YAY to Lizka! :)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:51pm

  429. 429: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    hI Tiffany, I know me too…its good and encouraging to read about sirens leaning back and not calling and texting…it gives me strenght to not reach out to Recycled at all….I’m sure he will contact me eventually even tho I told him no contact…but I will never have closure with him and it is OK. I know he really did have feelings for me and that I was special…I just also know he is not able to give me what I want/need at this point in my life..I evolved past the point of just wanting a guy there for comfort…toxic ex is ancient history too…so I need to start from scratch.

    A guy that looks really nice and decent with an education and a good job just emailed me a nice note, he is from the dating site I’m on…and I replied and agreed to dinner…but he is so not my type at all…and I feel….hmmmm…..BORED!!!!!! I don’t feel attracted…ack I am remaining open minded to get to know him…he seems like a really decent guy and gosh it would be great if I could fall for him…

    He does not have any edgyness about him :( so perhaps I will not be intrigued…argh….I tend to like guys with exciting jobs like police or military….I feel impressed when they tell me stories, etc…and I find it exciting…plus it is familiar territory because a lot of my exes are in that job category!

    Sigh.
    Trying something new.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:56pm

  430. 430: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh thank you BW! I feel so good and secure when I do something and people tell me I did good!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 5:58pm

  431. 431: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, being probably the person with the worst record in sticking to a boundary, I understand how much strength is needed to be firm and not drop everything for a guy.

    So yes, you did really good by saying what you did and sticking to your boundaries without sounding blamey towards him! xxx

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:05pm

  432. 432: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am nearing the end of my list of chores. i am so on it!

    the challenge will be feeding myself tonight. i struggle to bring myself to do this one the most. silly silly starla.

    lizka, i am happy for you how it worked out perfect.:):)

    don’t read too far into a man not seeming disappointed. they’re just playing cool, not being psychos, not trying to push you away by not being cool with you wanting space to yourself. i am dating a man who is VERY into me who didn’t show a lot of disappointment or enthusiasm for a long time. i just trusted he was into me and that i was in the prize.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:08pm

  433. 433: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, people are so different in person sometimes compared to their profiles and photos. maybe you’ll meet up with him soon and he’ll be just fantastic:)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:11pm

  434. 434: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    If things are actually over with me and TH, then I’m definitely gonna start CDing my little ar$e off! :P

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:13pm

  435. 435: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla, BW, FW and Emerson for your help and you kind words! I feel so great and so excited about feeling great! Haha

    I told E I was staying home to watch the russian movie and I can’t even get off the blog! Lol. I’ve watch like 5 minutes of the movie. Pausing every 1 minute for 15 minutes to come and read your posts! I’m funny!!! I was so excited about this movie!

    Im gonna turn my phone off fkr 2 hours, so I can watch it and be with myself a little.

    Love to all the sirens and lot of hugs!

    And thank you again for being so amazing!!!!

    xoxo

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:16pm

  436. 436: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aww lizka i feel happy reading your post:) enjoy the movie

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:17pm

  437. 437: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and I will light some candles. Thank you for giving me this idea Daria!!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:19pm

  438. 438: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 434 BW

    Yay to that! :) And good luck!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:23pm

  439. 439: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    So I dragged myself out of the house; the dog needed food and i ended up doing some xmas shopping as well.

    I have been feeling a bit low, I miss “s”, have not contact him nor have the need to do so; I am in the stage of feeling turned off. Still I miss the moments…I know I can create new moments with someone else.

    I had a moment with a “stranger” at the store while I was paying; I felt someone was looking at me, it was a cute guy and I smile (shy) then continued to leave and there he was behind me at the door offering to help me with the bags; I said no thanks it was only three bags and I felt awkward. But now I feel I missed an opportunity… :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 6:29pm

  440. 440: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    woohoo i have momentum and stuff is getting done!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:33pm

  441. 441: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Now I’m letting a stupid Facebook game irritate me! Should I let him go or is this me?

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 7:57pm

  442. 442: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    439 Luzydel :-)
    It’s ok…next time, perhaps you can remind yourself to say yes when help is offered like holding a door, etc…

    I kinda tend to do that too…I’m so used to doing stuff on my own, that I don’t want anyone else to have to “bother” to help me if I don’t “need” it…but I’m learning that accepting help, even as little as a door held open, is part of letting people in!!

    Even if you declined, I love that he offered…it shows that you are an approachable, beautiful siren…and you will have many, many more opportunities to say “yes”… :-) It’s ok!!!

    xoxo sending hugs and love to you
    -Emerson

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:07pm

  443. 443: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Gawsh I met 3 cute guys the other night while I was at the bar waiting for OceanCD when he was running late for our date! I think I may go back to that place, the bartender was so nice and it was a cool place to hang out! I liked it! LOL I had more fun there than at dinner with Ocean LOL!!!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:12pm

  444. 444: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    hmm…I am thinking more and more how glad I am that I didn’t marry the guy I didn’t feel passionate about from years ago…I could have married him, but something was missing…I just KNEW IT….and for some reason today I had a flashback of how clear my feelings were about it…

    Perhaps it was just my fear of intimacy? But I don’t thing so…I think I was never really attracted to him the way you should be to someone you are going to marry…I just never ever was even in the beginning. He was ok but something was MISSING….and I would spend time trying to talk myself into being with him because he offered me the WORLD…but I did not feel at PEACE…and I have to trust that feeling…

    I feel a lil less like beating myself up now that I realized that and being nicer to myself. Yay Emerson!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:15pm

  445. 445: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Here is an attempt at a feeling message, granted I know it may sound silly. If so, please feel free to tell me. “I felt so special when you invited me to your game. It felt bad to see that I was not the only person invited and I feel very defensive about others playing.”

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:20pm

  446. 446: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I had such a nice date with myself! My dog, candles, big glass of fresh water and a very nice and sad movie.

    One of my girl friend texted me and asked what I was doing and invited me to go to some night club. I said no thank you, E called me too late so I made some other plans. She replied “Thats not real plans.”. I got a little mad at her for judging me and thinking that Im a looser for staying home a Saturday night. And now that I am writting these words, my heart aches and I feel sad… I’m not a looser, I had so much fun with myself…

    And after that I realised that I use to do things for me only when I had nothing else to do. It was almost like a punishment. Well tonight I felt so great and comfortable that I’m gonna start scheduling dates with myself. I will even write it down in my agenda. Yay! I love that. But still angry at my friend for thinking she knows everything. :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:30pm

  447. 447: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Negative thoughts now because of my friend. Grrrrrrrr. I will make my list of blessings to bring back some positive.

    1. I feel blessed to have emotional intelligence. It makes me able to understand Rori’s tools and use them in my life to be a better person and be more happy.

    2. I feel blessed for Sex and the City’s episode marathon they have on CosmoTV on Saturday night. Good way to end the night. What a feel good tv show!

    3. I feel blessed for having so many activities planned with different people in the next weeks. I am getting more socialy busy than I have been in the past five years! Happy!!!

    4. I feel blessed for having a mommy who loves me so much that she would do anythin for me.

    5. I feel blessed for planning family vacation for the holidays with my father.

    6. I feel blessed for reconnecting with one of my best friend with who I had a fight and didn’t talk for 2 months.

    7. I feel blessed for my little dog who gives me everyday uncoditional love. Awww little princess who follows me where ever I go in the house to come sleep next to me. I should take better care of her sometimes. Little thing. <3

    8. I feel blessed for you sirens who help me with good cheer up and good advices like tonight.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:46pm

  448. 448: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I just went out to buy food for dinner tonight and my hair wasn’t done, I had no makeup on and I wasn’t exactly dressed to impress.

    Despite that, as I walked down one of the aisles, a guy was staring at me, and as I got closer he smiled. I smiled back, thinking how funny cos I know I looked like cr@p! lol

    TH hasn’t talked to me since this morning and my major step back. And now I’m starting to doubt if he will talk to me at all today.

    He also has a really busy week ahead at work, so I really won’t be surprised if the week goes by with nothing. But I don’t think this is over… yet….

    In the meantime I’ll make the most of the last few days with my daughter before she goes to stay with her father for a month – and I’ll CD myself a little…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:47pm

  449. 449: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oooo! Lizka! You have inspired me! One of my gf’s has the entire series of Sex and the City on DVD! I might ask her if I can borrow them all! Hmmm…..! :)))

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:49pm

  450. 450: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    that’s funny lizka, i was just thinking to myself how i LOVE spending saturday nights at home. i try to keep my saturday nights free so i can spend time with myself at home these days. feels so nice and peaceful.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 8:58pm

  451. 451: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Good idea Butterfly Wings!! For me, it works almost every time. I always feel better and stop thinking about negative things after watching an episode! If you borrow the six seasons, you will have enough for a few weeks of not thinking about TH and total lean back!! :)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:00pm

  452. 452: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It is Starla! But I still feel sad for having my friend thinking I am stupid to do that.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:02pm

  453. 453: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I like your list of positive things, and I think your Saturday night spent on a date with yourself sounds delightful! In fact, on Thanksgiving, I was dying to leave dinner because I just wanted to spend some time alone with myself in the car and in front of the TV for a bit!
    It’s great! And so healthy!
    Lizka I like your name, it’s cute. :-)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:10pm

  454. 454: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    The episode of Sex and the City I was watching ended like this, I put it as my Facebook status:

    “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:21pm

  455. 455: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Emerson. :)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 9:22pm

  456. 456: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    You are welcome Lizka :D

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:02pm

  457. 457: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    453 ok well I did cry in the car for a few minutes that night after Thanksgiving dinner, but mostly I was enjoying my own company :-)
    Anyway you get the point…it’s good to spend time alone and enjoy it! It’s very empowering…

    I just have faith that I will meet someone I feel passionate about and that will love me back…I wish it was Recycled….but it’s probably not. I **will** meet someone else…and when I do, I will have taken such good care of myself that he will be intrigued and I will feel good about myself!!!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:11pm

  458. 458: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I have good faith too. Maybe it’s E, maybe not.

    I’m in bed, about to go sleep. I re read the messages I sent to him. I feel so proud!! Haha I was shaking when I sent and now I feel so good and I have faith that only positive will come out of that event!

    xoxo sirens!!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:20pm

  459. 459: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    458 Lizka :-)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:30pm

  460. 460: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad :-(

    I would be lying if I said it didn’t affect me that K1 hasn’t called today. Last night, as he left my place, I said, “Call me tomorrow?” And he said yes, but part of me felt as though he wouldn’t. I hate to be right. He had also mentioned casually the possibility of seeing me tonight. So I assumed he would want to call me about that. But not so much. *sigh*

    I know guys have their own prerogative. Maybe he needs time to “process” and figure out what he really thinks and/or feels about me. (That feels kind of good to think about it.)

    And, if I’m honest with myself, it really wouldn’t work for me to have him over tonight, because then it would just be too much like a booty call. Even though we aren’t sleeping together yet.

    I am afraid that some of the things I mentioned to him last night have scared him off. Or turned him off. Or made him just decide not to pursue anything with me, for purely practical reasons.

    But on the other hand, he said some really nice things to me. He said that he is not driven only by sex. He is more interested with “deep, intuitive things” (not sure what that means, exactly, but I’m pretty deep and intuitive;). Also, he said such nice things about me, about my body. He said he feels like he “knows me,” even though he just met me. Yeah, I get that a lot. But still, it sounded nice.

    And I’m concerned that I didn’t “give back” to him energetically, as much as I could have. I was absorbing all of these nice things he was saying to me. And maybe I wasn’t letting him know how good they made me feel. Because I felt really good about them. And I also felt really good about the fact that we seemed to be so “on the same page” about relationship, and having similar goals and approaches. But I know that when a relationship shows “promise,” it means nothing, on a practical level.

    Oy. I am sure that I am overthinking this (again). And that’s why I am overthinking it here, on the blog – so I can get over it in my mind (hopefully).

    The truth is, I haven’t really had time to “miss” him. I’ve been busy doing things I had to do. spending time with my friends, and talking to other CDs. I’m not sure why he should matter to me. I just hate that sinking, sad feeling. But I want to feel that sinking sad feeling, for as much as whatever it is. And I’m going to feel it. And I am going to go about my day, and go about my business. And whatever happens, happens.

    And I’m going to go to sleep.

    Sweet dreams :-)

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:46pm

  461. 461: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, I think the key is to believe Mr Right will eventually come before he can arrive in your life…. And I think you’re getting there! :)

    Even with all of the stuff going on with TH, I KNOW I will look back at this time and be glad it all happened. I doubt he’s my Mr Right (especially now), but if he’s a stepping stone, it’s a step in the right direction…

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 10:49pm

  462. 462: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    461 thanks BW!

    460 Tiffany…perhaps he is rubberbanding?
    I would have a script ready when he does call…perhaps you can use a feeling message…

    *********************

    Cut and pasted from a previous post:

    Everything we say can be fit into one of two categories:
    CONTROL SPEAK and SURRENDER SPEAK. Control Speak is the language of the head, and Surrender Speak is the language of the heart. When you talk from your head, you become a friend, a nice woman, someone he’d like to spend time with, and even a sexy woman who turns him on. But he won’t fall in love with you from his head.

    When you speak from your heart, from your feelings, you connect your own heart with his heart. And then he can love you.

    Sounds easy. And in order to open your heart enough to let him in, I’m going to ask you to love yourself, first.

    When you talk to anyone in the words of Surrender Speak, you’re talking from your heart. If you do it all the time, you will soon, automatically and naturally, become a woman who speaks from her heart. Yo u’ll wonder how you did it any other way. And then the walls around your heart will naturally come down, and your heart will naturally open up.

    And then a great man will walk in and claim your heart with his.

    That’s how it works.

    So, here are some ways to avoid speaking from your head when you’re with a man. (When you’re at work, or doing business, or taking care of things that need to be taken care of, you’ll have to be able to speak both languages. You’d be surprised how well Surrender Speak works out there in the world in places you’d never dream it would!)

    CONTROL SPEAK:
    The words and thoughts of Control Speak are all about him
    Consider those words and thoughts Off Limits!

    SURRENDER SPEAK:
    The words and thoughts of Surrender Speak are about you and your feelings.
    And those are the words you want to say.

    Surrender Speak is about being Vulnerable and Real. It’s the Rori Raye Way to
    go.

    When you find yourself thinking and wanting to speak Control Speak – Stop
    Yourself! (I recommend simply putting your hand over your mouth — it’s what I do!) Instead of verbalizing Control Speak, substitute a Feeling Message from

    Surrender Speak. Don’t worry or think about coming up with the perfectly stated Feeling Message – just choose the words from the Surrender Speak list that feel the closest to what you’re actually feeling, and be as simple, short, and direct as you can. After a few days (really — that quickly), if you’re even just a little bit brave, you’ll get the hang of it!
    In my Have the Relationship You Want ebook — you’ll find this Tool as an easy to read chart.

    CONTROL SPEAK looks and sounds like:
    Why is he doing that? What is he doing? What is he feeling? What are you feeling? What do you mean?

    I’ll bet I know why he’s depressed
    Oh, he’s just — etc.
    Oh, men are just like that
    There’s so much tension between us. He must be…mad, upset, having
    childhood memories, etc.

    Instead – use Surrender Speak. It looks and sounds like: I feel: Mad, sad, glad, afraid, scared, angry, happy, disconnected, confused, shaky, uncomfortable, weird, upset, lonely, tired, exhausted
    If you find yourself thinking or saying: “Why does he always have to do that? ” “You never listen to me!”

    Or “I need you to do this or that” Say this instead: “I feel (you fill in the blank here – maybe mad, sad, happy, afraid…). If you find yourself thinking or saying: “What if we (you) did that?” Or “Can we (you) please do that?”

    Say this instead: “I feel (fill in the blank here), I don’t want to go there; do that, see that, feel this, feel that, listen to this, be there, be here, stand here, tolerate this, have this, worry about this, think about this, take charge of this, plan this.” If you find yourself thinking or saying this: “What’s going on with our relationship?” Say something like this instead: “I don’t want that (fill in the blank here – not-committed, just friends, friends with benefits, casual…) kind of relationship.”

    Not noticing when he does something nice is Control Speak without saying anything. Instead, say: Thank you. I like that tie, I like how you look, I love this restaurant – I feel so good here, I feel so good with you, that feels so good, etc.

    If you find yourself saying: I want you to pick me up, open my door, etc.

    Instead, use Surrender Speak and say: I’m old-fashioned. I don’t feel comfortable meeting men, calling men, planning dates, etc.

    When you switch from Control Speak to Surrender Speak, everything in your
    relationship will change. You will feel better. For perhaps the first time, you will get in touch with what you are really, actually feeling at any given moment, instead of being in your head about what your date or mate is doing or thinking. This will make HIM feel better. For perhaps the first time, he will experience all the pressure he normally feels actually lift away.

    He will want to move closer to you. The relationship will get better.

    For perhaps the first time, there will be the opening for intimacy.
    It may be scary. It may feel messy.

    But you will also feel such relief and happiness at the almost instant positive
    results, you’ll be motivated to continue using the tools.

    ***There are many, many more moments to switch from Control Speak to Surrender Speak than I can describe here – so MAKE A LIST OF YOUR OWN WORDS. Think about the conflicts that come up over and over again.

    On the left half of a piece of paper, write the words you would usually say.

    Imagine how you might actually feel at that moment, and substitute Surrender
    Speak – a Feeling Message instead. Write it down on the right half of the paper. Then, when the same situation comes up again, and you’re on the spot, you’ll already have words you can use without working hard to think about it.

    Instead of working at all, you’ll be able to just feel what you feel and then say
    it in words. It sounds tricky now, but you can do it!
    Once you get the hang of it, your stress will go down and your self-esteem will
    go up.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:05pm

  463. 463: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Rori Raye says:
    Stacie – this is the scary place we all get to at one time or another.

    He’s hit the point at 4 months (classic) where he’s thinking about what to do with you and the relationship. Whether he wants to go further and marry or bail.

    Have you agreed to exclusivity? Because if you haven’t – I hope you’re Circular Dating for real, and if you have, or wouldn’t feel okay with that – that you’re Circular Dating in the true meaning of the tool – practicing with every man you meet. Talking to men. Interacting with men. Flirting.

    About this: He Owes me an explanation.
    He owes you nothing. Nothing. His job is to do what he does. Your job is to see if what he does is what you want.

    What he needs to demonstrate in some way is his ability to do relationship – in other words – does he care for you more than he cares about his “comfort zone.”

    Is he willing to feel embarrassed and frightened in order to make you happy and keep the relationship going.

    This is what he’s struggling with – pretty profound. And your job is to let him be.

    He WILL call or text eventually, and it’ll be something innocuous like “how ya doin?”

    Prepare yourself with some scripts sharing exactly how you feel – the good stuff (the weather, your work, your kids…real poetry here…) and the uncomfortableness and frustration and loneliness of being without him, and that it would feel great to go through things on your side and his side as a team – together.

    Ask for nothing – express your feelings and dreams, and that’s it. You can ask him what he thinks – and that’s it.

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:07pm

  464. 464: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    462 – Emerson – thank you so much for this! I’ve copied and pasted this somewhere safe, to dig out in the future!

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:43pm

  465. 465: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    Good work Siren!

    :-) xoxox

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:53pm

  466. 466: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    S texted me today, after 3 days of nothing. He’s had his kids though, so I’ve not been too worried.

    He’s booked me in for Tuesday night and keeps trying to get me to choose! Argh! I told him I don’t feel good choosing. So far he’s gone as far to suggest something casual which is good for me.

    In the meantime I have emailed TH with a heartfelt message about how I feel, what I want, what I don’t want, how I don’t blame him, and asking him if going our separate ways might be the best for both of us because we want different things…. I said I don’t want us hating each other.

    We have to work together too, so this is extra hard.

    I know I’m not supposed to suggest things, but I wanted the tension out of the way before work tomorrow… :(

    Saturday, 26 November 2011 @ 11:58pm

  467. 467: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    BW I’m sorry about TH :(
    Do you feel a weight lifted after expressing yourself?

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:12am

  468. 468: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ella…

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:12am

  469. 469: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Well, I do feel better after my (second) phone convo (of the day) with K2. He’s missing me a lot, and keeps telling me how much he wants to see me.

    I did do a good thing with him, which is that, he had said he wanted to see me on Tuesday before he left. In the end, he couldn’t do it, because he had to get ready to leave the other day. He called me on the phone instead. And I totally did not make a big deal of it. I simply said that he could see me when he got back. See? Now he really wants to see me ;)

    That feels good, right? Yeah, it totally does. :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:17am

  470. 470: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I have just been noticing – especially with K1 and K2, but with a lot of other CDs lately – that men keep asking me about my feelings. They REALLY want to know how I am feeling. K2 even asked me how my heart felt, earlier today. Wow! I don’t think ANYONE has ever asked me that! lol It was so sweet. K1 asked me the other day “what my body was telling me.”

    And I realized, as much as I spend good time noticing my feelings and paying attention to them on my own, and even naming them to myself, I still have a really hard time naming them and speaking about them to other people.

    I guess this is my “thing” that I have to work at. Well, I already have been working on it. I guess I have to work with it some more, so that I can feel more comfortable responding, when people ask me how my body is feeling…

    It’s just that sometimes it feels like such a personal (and vulnerable) thing to say. But I guess that’s the point, right?

    I feel like I am “failing” at vulnerability. I feel like my intention is right – that I know how to do it, and I know it’s good – want to be fully open and vulnerable. And yet, when push comes to shove, so to speak, I shut down, cover up, withdraw or withhold information. It never feels good. And it always comes back to me as not feeling good.

    I suppose one of these days, I’ll “get it.” I suppose one of these days, I’ll figure out how to open up and be totally vulnerable, the way these men want me to be, so that they can see the “real me” – and not just the pretty picture I reveal to the world. And not the insecure mask I use to cover up my vulnerabilities.

    Because I can see how much pain it causes me to hold back my truth. Only I can’t always see a way out, or think of a good enough reason to let my Truth out.

    Now I’m just blathering on. I’ve had a glass of wine, and it’s 12:30 a.m. Really time for sleep.

    Good night, Sirens.

    ~ mermaid Tiffany

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:26am

  471. 471: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Can I just comment on some amusing things about online dating??? I just have to vent/laugh about this.

    Why do so many guys put pictures on their profiles of their entire family??? More than one pic? I don’t need to see aunt Edna or Uncle Bart with the whole clan…which one are you again???? Is that your bro’s bachelor party/?? Wow oops I thought you were your cute cousin…is he single??? LOL LOL

    Why oh why…do they put up extremely goofy drinking pictures or costume/halloween pictures??

    You are a GROWN MAN….oh please don’t make me lose respect for you in an instant by letting me see you in such a getup…and I dont KNOW you so it’s out of context and just makes you look like a clown…I mean, I DO have a sense of humor but come on…you and your friends in super heroes outfits? Or with a super goofy hat in the office? I just dont’ get it and it’s not funny.

    Oh and I love love the pics of him with a svelte, pretty girl, ya know the kind of girl that does not wear makeup but looks smashing…and the caption says “me and my french friend touring paris” ummmmmmm you just killed any romantic potential I may have felt for a moment….

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:31am

  472. 472: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah I do feel like a weight’s lifted Emerson.

    He’s gone offline now. Maybe trying to ignore me, or he’s heading out drinking with the boys – again. I really don’t want to be with someone who does that, so if things end, then I think it’s for the best.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:32am

  473. 473: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I may just continue online dating jsut for the amusement of it all!!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:34am

  474. 474: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t mind the goofy pics, but the pics with other women? NO WAY! Especially after my year and a half “fling” with TH who has lots of female friends and has his pic taken with most of them, I am soooooo not going down that road again!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:35am

  475. 475: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a bit sad, but resigned to the fact that I think it’s over with TH.

    I’m still on my horse though, we’re standing on the bridge and I’m waving goodbye to TH who’s down in the pits.

    I am ok though, and I love me and I suppose that’s all that matters.

    TH won’t attempt to visit tonight – I know because he has to start work really early tomorrow. So it’s time for me to get used to being in my bed alone. I’ll have to wash my pillow cases though – I can smell him in them… :( Sigh…

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:50am

  476. 476: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    (((BW)))

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 1:21am

  477. 477: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Emerson.

    I just found out he’s out with the boys drinking – AGAIN.

    I don’t want somebody who does that. Funny thing is, for months he didn’t go out much at all, but now it’s all the time. Ick. He can have it… I don’t want that in my life.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 1:25am

  478. 478: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I just ordered Reconnect. I think I need all the help I can get…

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 1:43am

  479. 479: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh my i m home

    woo hoo

    i feel kinda achy in my shoulder

    thank you Daria

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:47am

  480. 480: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling sooo sleepy

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:51am

  481. 481: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    AND feeling all awake to an wanting to read write an do energy work

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:54am

  482. 482: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Daria for brushing my teeth

    i feel like a demanding biatch i feel uncomfortable and disconnected and cringing

    askng my CDs that i know can do it for a ride.. dometimes 2 days in a row but they didnt answer the first time

    but its like i don’t care, cuz id rather have a ride

    and i feelt ugh, cuz i judge myself as one of thoes people who has no regard for others and is just needy needy needy

    like one of those girls you wish you hadnt given your number to

    cuz now she’s calling and askign hella favors

    selfish

    i lvoe me

    i am babysteping through healing this

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:00am

  483. 483: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok so i now want a man to eat me till i cry, that was the attitude that brought in the very sexy fulfilling weekend last week

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:12am

  484. 484: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    in a way it feels kinda good too, to be “the high maintenance girl”

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:20am

  485. 485: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 478 BW I am glad about that. I believe you will find info in there that will help you change your reactions.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:45am

  486. 486: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 471 Emerson men do what they want to. They are entitled to put on the profile what they want. They want to be themselves and it is better for us so we know what we are dealing with. I am sorry but this post just feels really judgemental of the men as in wanting to dictate to them what they should be doing and too focussed on their behavior. When on line I try to see how I feel when viewing those pictures. Some of them actually make me feel safe, especially the ones when they have their daughters. For me also the family suggests that this man is a real person, not an internet stalker. I might be wrong but for some reason it helps me to feel safe.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:50am

  487. 487: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW asking you what you want to do is a very masculine thing. They want to make sure that you are happy. I also take it as an effort to not take you for granted. I have taken up responding it would feel good/fun to ………………………. and when they keep insisting I give examples of a couple of places that I have done that.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:53am

  488. 488: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!
    Haven’t been here for a while. Even if we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in my country as much as in the US, I think it is a beautiful tradition.

    I am really thankful of many things. Lately specially about finding Rori Raye and this wonderful blog!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:05am

  489. 489: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    485 & 487: Femininewoman – I’m sure it’ll help. Shame I have to wait ages for it to arrive though. I feel like I”m on the wrong side of the world right now….

    Ok, well the problem with asking me what to do is that I have NO clue! :) I’ve not really dated properly in almost 10 years! So other than drinks/dinner/coffee, there’s nothing more I could think of to suggest.

    I suppose that’s him “delegating” a task to me, like what’s in the ebook right? :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:13am

  490. 490: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW log on to a dating site like POF. Some of them making dating suggestions such as coffee dates, walks in parks, along the beach, dancing, bowling etc. For guys who I particularly like I do active things like bowling or dancing. I don’t see it as delegating. He does not know you so how can he know what will make you happy? If you like the movies you can say I love scifi or comedy. I would love to see ……………that would feel fun, if there is one you might be looking forward to. Movies are one particular activity that you can use to really share your feelings with men because there can be scenes that are tear jerkers or draw aaaawwwws or fearful responses out of us. It has also helped me to really focus on the screen and take my attention away from the guy. I have also gone to music concerts where I can focus on the performances and really get into my body dancing and enjoy myself in the guy’s presence.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:24am

  491. 491: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    By the way BW I thought the programs were now available through live streaming where you can immediately get it through the internet?

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:26am

  492. 492: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Can I ask you your comments about this:

    I started circular dating. Well I have profiles in match and some sites in my country, I have not really met anyone in person, as I´m still doubting if I’m single or not (I have still strong feelings for my ex-boyfriend who sometimes seem to have them as well, sometimes not..but he is in another country right now and is not making any effort to see me and the contact is really sporadic). So I decided I can start circular dating, and first I would have a night out on my own. :)

    So the other night I dressed myself up and went to a concert-dance place. I was leaning back and acting totally different as I am used to being warm & openand responsive (I used to do a lot of sarcastic remarks, don´t let men buy me drinks or pointing out all the differences we had with anybody I was talking to already from the beginning — so all the men backed-off quicly..). So now I had this nice gentleman coming after me, talking to me all night, buying drinks to me and wanting to kiss me, etc.
    I was so supprised how my switching to the leanback-mode made such a difference.

    At the end of the night (already in the morning really) he walked me home and asked my contacts. He was a foreigner so he would be leaving the very next day. I didn´t have any expectations as I had just felt great practicing leaning back all night. But I did feel attracted to him.

    Sine then (2 weeks ago) he has been sending me sms every day and talking about the arrangements to come to see me. I do feel good about the attention and I have responded with feeling messages. Not initiating myself, not making any plans myself. This way is new to me, yet it feels good.

    But the other day he called me 4:40 in the night. I was sleeping, woke up, but didn’t take the phone, as this time doesn’t feel good to me to talk to anybody. So he send me a sms “I have not forgotten you”.
    And next mornig “Did you get my last message”. I felt kind of confused and not knowing how to react really.

    I answered by:
    “It’s great to know you haven’t forgotten about me.
    But did you realize you called me at 04:40 in the morning? There’s a good chance I might be sleeping at this time and my phone is in sound-off mode. :)
    So you were in Australia or you were drunk?”

    And he:
    “Sorry about that! I was drinking last night after a long week and got carried away… :(

    I don’t know if my last msg was too blamey or he thinks I got really angry. But there has not been any contact now for 3 days. And it’s strange compared to everyday messages he used to send. I have not answered to his last msgs as he had said he would call anyway this weekend (he has not).. and I thought to coment it then. And I don’t know how to do it in a not leaning-forward way. Did I push him away? How shoud I have reacted if he calls in the middle of the night drunk?

    Should I do something or just leave it? I could leave it quite easily as I´m not too invested in this, but it still feels stupid as I don’t understand what went wrong here.

    Well, sorry about a long post. Thank-you for reading! Any comments would be so appreciated! :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:29am

  493. 493: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    FW I’ll give it some thought. I have till Tuesday! I’m just happy to sit in an outdoor bar and have a couple of drinks I suppose.

    Yeah I thought all the programs were downloadable but I didn’t get any email to link to download anything, and the confirmation says I’ll receive CDs in the post…

    Maybe I should email Rori??

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 5:00am

  494. 494: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH begged for a while for me to go over there to talk but I didn’t want to go there when he was drunk. And I was watching a movie with my daughter at the time anyway, so I told him that she was my priority tonight.

    Now, if he wants to see me, he’s going to have to book me in.

    I feel good for staying home and not giving in to him like I’ve done in the past. I’m tired too, so off to bed I go!

    Night sirens! xxxxxx

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 5:02am

  495. 495: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ulii at that time of the night he was not himself neither were you being alarmed out of your sleep. If he can’t understand that then I don’t know what would be the point. Even if it was blamey he now knows that you put your rest and yourself before anyone else and should hopefully come back with a bit more respect for you. I am not convinced he is totally gone as yet. If he is angry he will need time to get over it. Plus it sounds to me like he is in an imaginary relationship. Also 3 days is nothing.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 5:03am

  496. 496: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW!
    Well, I think he does understand, that’s why he apologized. But the thing is, I sense he is afraid I might be really upset, as I have not responded..so now he’s not contacting me because of that. I’m not really upset, just confused. I wouldn’t like him anyway if he’s not able to come over this, but I guess I could help him a bit by accepting his apologies. I don’t really know how to do it now, as I think I missed the right moment which would have been just briefly after his message. Doing it after a while from his last message feels leaning foward to me.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 5:14am

  497. 497: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    470:

    Tiffany:

    @”Because I can see how much pain it causes me to hold back my truth. Only I can’t always see a way out, or think of a good enough reason to let my Truth out.”

    That’s exactly how I make myself unimportant.
    It is perceived as coldness and distance.
    It makes it difficult for anyone to get close to us.

    Baby steps, we’ll get there.

    I’ll keep you posted on any breakthrough I get Tiffany.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 6:41am

  498. 498: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Someone needs to hide my phone. I texted LP today to see if he had may Christmas lights at his place and got no responses, so then after two hours I tried to call him and then I decided to text him to let him know that I was not mad and didn’t want to fight. Errr! Hating myself right now.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:32am

  499. 499: RadianceNo Gravatar says:

    I feel inspired by this brilliant, funny, insightful 20-minute TED Talk by Brene Brown on The Power of Vulnerability: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html and I want to share it with Sirens here. (Maybe I got the link here from a previous post??… Not sure, but I think I stumbled upon it by other means.)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:34am

  500. 500: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    How do I break this cycle? I have always had relationships where I was punished even if I did nothing wrong. My mother is the worst one of all. She always verbally beats up on me. I hate being rejected or put down but it is almost like I am drawn to it because I know no other way. I don’t know that this can ever be healed.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:34am

  501. 501: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    500:

    IP,

    Do you maybe feel like I do? Unworthy of anything else, like the good stuff is for others not for me.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:52am

  502. 502: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    I am feeling very happy and very tired this afternoon.

    I passed my Pole Dancing Teacher’s qualification today…

    :-)

    Also succesfully completed another Zumba training workshop yesterday, aimed at teaching Zumba for beginners and the older adult.

    It was GREAT fun!

    I am feeling good.

    And realising that there is just no need for me to be underconfident about stuff anymore.

    Tonight I am just relaxing and will have take away food.

    But tomorrow I will be implementing phase 2 of my plan which is to lose another 1/2 a stone, ready for the launch of our pole dancing business in January.

    Other parts of my master plan include stretching every day, taking better care of myself, continuing to sort my finances and being generally more confident and loving towards myself.

    I feel really good abou my plan and excited about what is ahead.

    I love that I get to work on the things I love like Zumba and Pole Dancing.

    I am surely very blessed.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:13am

  503. 503: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    500:

    My mom was super tough on me with her harsh words. She would always make me feel unworthy.
    When she would do something for me, which is basic for a parent to do, she would make sure to tell me it was a huge chore to her and I was undeserving of her efforts.
    Makes it hard for me today to appreciate someone giving to me.
    Deep deep down, I feel I am only worthy of punishment and being treated badly.

    The way to heal it is to know where it comes from. When that deeprooted feeling is no longer a stranger, you can recognize it fast. Once something is familiar, it no longer invades you.

    D has done soooo many nice things for me. I used to react cold and indifferent. I felt uncomfortable receiving the good things.
    Now I know where that discomfort comes from.
    It comes from feeling unworthy.

    Now that I know that and that I’m becoming familiar w that feeling, I recognize it when it pops up.
    Like last night, I was able to say to D that I felt like having a good dessert.
    He said I’ll go get it.
    Bc I know myself now, I was able to say: “my unworthy feeling little girl in me feels bad to have you run out to get dessert.”
    He responded “I won’t run, I’ll drive my car lol”.
    He went and came back w a smile.
    He knows now where all my coldness, distance and indifference comes from.
    So he feels safer to come close to me.

    I know that the little unworthy girl was worthy. My mom just had her own emotional issues to deal w.
    You wouldn’t want to make a little girl feel that way right?
    So why would you let yourself?

    When I recognize that deeply engrained feeling of unworthiness in me, I can call it out and set it aside.
    It can’t hide and hypocritely derail me anymore.

    I desserve the good treatment just as anyone else.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:16am

  504. 504: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    502:

    Congrats Ella!!!

    I wish I lived close to you, I would definitely take classes from you!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:17am

  505. 505: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    501, exactly like that

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:37am

  506. 506: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Lilli

    :-)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:37am

  507. 507: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    503, thanks for sharing…hopefully one day soon I’ll be able to do the same thing and recognize my feelings

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:40am

  508. 508: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Well SSU CD seems to have quieted down.

    He finally stopped texting me.

    And I don’t mind.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:47am

  509. 509: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    In some ways I feel relieved.

    And I am feeling more ok about letting hot guys give to me.

    :-)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 9:03am

  510. 510: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    In fact I feel ok about letting ALL guys give stuff to me!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 9:04am

  511. 511: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    499:

    Radiance,

    WOW!!! Great video!

    She has a great definition of BLAME: Discharge of our own emotions onto others.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 9:37am

  512. 512: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Right now, I desserve to treat myself to a new pair of winter boots and coat.

    Be back soon.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 9:40am

  513. 513: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – #360 – You DON’T want a keeping score kind of relationship, not from him and not from you.

    Starla was right on when she says that we give the most and in the most impactful way with our open hearts and genuine smile and obvious pleasure when he does for us.

    BUT it’s not to say we can’t do for him either. I think this would and ought to show up more once you are together in a relationship that feels like the forever after kind of relationship whatever this looks like for you.

    In the early stages though, I would normally discourage DOING, as this would be overfunctioning in many circumstances, but there are exceptions. These aren’t hard and fast rules but suggestions. Every situation is unique as are the individuals involved.

    For me in my relationship, I DO a lot, but he works a regular job with regular hours whereas I do not. SO I can cook though I don’t when I don’t want to, and I do some of the shopping though we mostly go together.

    I won’t clean, so we have a cleaning lady come in every three weeks. I keep the place more or less cleanish in between.

    I do make him special birthday celebrations and but gifts for Christmas.

    I DON’T fawn over him. I DON’T do anything because I think I should or out of guilt or if I plain don’t feel like it.

    I will do something for him if he asks, IF I can.

    BUT he does a great deal for me too. And for us.

    I have no idea who does more because I don ‘t keep score.

    Does this help you? Give you more clarity? If you want more details, please feel free to ask.

    xxoo Dominique

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 9:53am

  514. 514: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning sirens!!

    Ella, if you were closer, I would definitly takes classes with you too!! Good luck with that, it’s a very nice project that you have!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 9:59am

  515. 515: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I found a paid dating site that does will not break my bank account. it is Zoosk .com it seems pretty decent and it has new people there. I am tired of the same faces at POF. Closed e harmony and Will only do online dating a few times a month.

    I’ve realized that I feel more energized, and happier when I do little dates for myself and flirt with strangers out and about.

    Feeling better today, more hopeful and excited to put the xmas decorations with my son. I have a lot and I have work very hard for it. I cannot let a small setback forbid me from enjoying all the good things I still have.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:06am

  516. 516: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    515 Luzydel says:
    “I’ve realized that I feel more energized, and happier when I do little dates for myself and flirt with strangers out and about. ”

    Me too! I love doing that. It motivates me to get dressed in a cute outifit and do my makeup and hair…take care of myself.

    Good for you joining zoosk! Can’t wait to hear how it goes…
    xoxo
    Emerson

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:09am

  517. 517: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    After cancelling E last night because he did not tell me early enough about the plan, I had a super good night with my self. When I woke up this morning, I had, not one, not two but THREE messages from him!!!!!!! Don’t know what to think tho… The messages were sent at 3.09 am…

    Message #1: Are you awake?

    Message #2: Please be?

    Message #3: I’m next to your house…

    Kind of weird? It makes me feel touched that he thoughts of me after going out. I feel touched about the “please be”. It’s kind of cute. But at the same time I wonder if this was a booty call? But he doesn’t leave in the same area as I do and it’s not on his way back from downtown where he probably went out with his friends. Don’t know what to think about this.

    And what do I do now? Should I leave it like that and wait for the next call? Should I text something funny like “Your turn to get drunk this time?” (he sent me something like that yesterday after I drunk texted him Friday night). Or maybe just sent a “Sorry I was indeed sleeping”?

    At the same time, I guess I’m not suppose to wonder about why he does that and I should just let it go and say nothing?

    Anyone has thoughts about this one?

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:13am

  518. 518: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Ella…the pole dancing class sounds fun!

    486 FW
    Yes I understand what you’re saying, but it makes me laugh when guys do this and just makes me say what the…???? So I don’t think that’s wrong. They can do whatever they want yes, but if I have a flabergased reaction I’m allowed to do that too….lol

    Regarding pics with the family or kids, yes I can see what you’re saying about that feeling more legit…I didn’t think of that before. Thanks for your thoughts and I’ll keep it in mind. :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:15am

  519. 519: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 378: Butterfly Wings says:

    “He’s been telling me for a long time that she doesn’t mean anything to him and they’re just friends. But she’s the one he’s out socialising with while I sit at home.

    They almost had a lunch date the other day too, but he cancelled because of me. I didn’t ask him to though – he chose to. I’m wondering if he’ll make me “pay” for that….

    He also told me that if he didn’t want to be with me, then he wouldn’t be, and to stop making a big deal out of everything.

    Could I have overreacted to his blatant attempt at hitting on her in front of the world? I still think I’m justified in feeling hurt though, but did I let it bring me too far down??? Oh I don’t know!!! :-\”

    Reading the above makes me think of him as a passive-aggressive, somewhat toxic man. There is nothing about that that makes me think he engages in the actual act of caring for you. It looks to me (from where I sit) that he keeps you around be cause it is convenient for him, but I don’t see evidence that he cherishes you. It is a good thing to be cherished! Scary… but GOOD!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:22am

  520. 520: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 383: Lizka says:

    “Last Wednesday, E proposed me to do something tonight. No plans and no time. We always do that. I usually don’t care because he usually call me early in the afternoon and let me know and it’s fine with me.

    And now it’s almost 6 and he hasen’t give me any plan or time. I feel bored. How can I let him know? Should I cancel since he’s going over my boundaries?? I’m feeling tired from last night and I don’t feel like having to rush for getting ready when he finaly text me and I don’t feel like going out at 10 tonight!”

    If I were in that circumstance, I would have texted him at 6 pm stating it appears tonight is not a good night for you both to get together and that you decided to not wait and go out anyway. Don’t offer where or with whom and then actually GO OUT. Go to a movie by yourself if nothing else is going on. Don’t bring it up again or reveal where you went or with whom. Be warm at the next contact with him, but treat that night as the night of alternate fun that didn’t include him , so isn’t worth talking about with him. He made his choice and then you made yours, that’s all. Don’t focus on it, don’t try to change him or create a speech for it, other than to repeat that he made his choice and then you made yours. In the LACK of information you offer, his mind will fill with what you COULD have been doing and with WHOM. This will influence future dates with you without trying to script it or influence the outcome.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:32am

  521. 521: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    517 Lizka
    I wouldnt answer the questions he texted directly ….perhaps just wait till he contacts you…
    He will guaranteed….

    Aww obviously he was thinking of you and missed you…so that makes me feel soft toward him, but …

    Similar to what Ulli was talking about earlier, you could respond eventually when you talk to him and let him know that he contacted you during your beauty sleep and put a boundary around that (shows respect for yourself and high value for yourself)…

    You did so great communicating to him the night before and putting yourself first by having a date/plans with yourself…that he probably couldn’t stop thinking about you!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:33am

  522. 522: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Lili,

    I am so grateful for your advice earlier especially now that I told LP exactly why I am so hurt and it has nothing to do with him and I project my feelings of unworthiness onto him thinking he must be thinking them. He said “when have I ever told you that I am done with you or us”. Never thought of that because I am too busy thinking those things that I’ve always thought he did. I know he loves me now for all the craziness he has put up with. I’m crying now but I feel good about crying like I know it has to come so I can continue on my road to healing.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:48am

  523. 523: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    There’s a lot of interesting guys on POF right now! I tried it briefly before, but now there are all new faces! I feel scared and excited…I haven’t added a pic yet…

    I’m thinking about dying my hair…dark!!
    Feel a lil scared…blonde has always been my trademark…but I feel I need a lil edge/change..

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:53am

  524. 524: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    There’s a lot of interesting guys on POF right now! I tried it briefly before, but now there are all new faces! I feel scared and excited…I haven’t added a pic yet…

    I’m thinking about dying my hair…dark!!
    Feel a lil scared…blonde has always been my trademark…but I feel I need a lil edge/change..

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:53am

  525. 525: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Emerson. Actually I don’t really mind about texts in the middle of the night. My phone is alwayd on silence mode and I turn it upside down not to see the light if I get a call. I actually pretty much like waking up and seeing that someone thoughts of me while I was in Dreams World. Lol, plus I do that all the time to him when I get drunky-drunk. It wouldn’t be fair to ask him not to bother my precious sleep!

    But thank you for te advice on not replying. That’s what I’m gonna do. Today is for me another day of taking care of myself: jogging, cleaning and cooking. I love Sundays!!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:53am

  526. 526: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    ack sorry not sure why that posted twice…lol
    :D

    tinque thanks for your remarks to my question..yes it was helpful…
    I do feel good about giving for birthdays and such…so thanks for mentioning that…
    I did do that for Recycled back when, for his bday and was beating myself up for it at one point for giving too much, but you know what it’s ok, we were at that point in time where we’d been together for a while…

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:55am

  527. 527: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    OMG!! One guy’s POF profile pic is of him next to ahuge headstone in a graveyard! WTF!? How’s that for a strange intro…makes me feel sad!!!! And Creeped out!! OMG I feel compassion too…but not attracted…ack

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 11:06am

  528. 528: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    @ Emerson

    “I’ve felt this way too…and I think what helps me is to get even MORE into myself and realize how hot I am and I’m super amazing…like yeah, I agree, I can see howcome you’re so into me dude!! and that kinda helps…”

    Yep – feels good.

    I intend to be like that too.

    Think I am going to let my Diva come back out a bit more too.

    I love being fem energy and yet I feel really good with my Diva’s attitude and confidence…

    I love teasing men and sometimes being a lil clever/sarcastic, even though this is somewhat competing and a bit masc…

    I can mix it up with some super fem energy stuff and make a heady, lethal cocktail!

    He he he he he

    :-)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 11:16am

  529. 529: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    520 Susan if I may chime in…
    I like your approach…but I think it’s perfectly fine that miss Lizka stayed in and had a date by herself at home…but I see your point of not elaborating on the evening’s activities and keeping it mysterious..

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 11:17am

  530. 530: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    438 previous thread to EW

    EW…..We may very well be kindred spirits in some of the things we experienced. As for LD, it continues to go well and there are moments when I get triggered and learn of the unhealed parts of me. However the difference is that he is emotionally mature, psychologically tuned in and wants to keep communication open. He speaks of our relationship as something he wishes not for a few months or a year, but a long term (forever) thing…..that he really wants us to have a strong foundation of trust and love and he is stepping up to the plate completely to show me with his words and actions….including how he interacts with my 3 children. He is not seeing any one else.

    As for whether I am CD ing or not…..in the most open sense of the word… “absolutely yes”. I am not involved with any one else but CD intimately but I continue to meet with a couple of guy friends for coffee as friends (though there is some innocent flirting only) and have several guy friends that email…..this is because they are long term friends from and good men. I take notice of men when I am out and about. I try to really focus on me, do my nails, focus on feminine clothing, etc. and take time to meditate and tune into my body and feelings. I stay well in touch with close female friends and keep my work in focus too….so my LD knows I have a life and things I like to do. I am also open about most of my interactions with my guy friends. There was one email from a man I was in relationship with 4 years ago who recontacted me in a friendly well wishing way just a couple weeks ago out of the blue. I did not feel I had to mention this to my LD nor are there any plans to meet the old CD as he lives out of town.

    EW I was on my own for 8 years after my separation/divorce and raising my kids and working before LD came along (light dating, nothing serious). I had a lot to learn and had to feel ready. It’s always a work in progress and I really never know what’s in store for the day or week….just try to take it as it comes……….and like you say….always have hope :)

    What do you think? :) How do you feel? :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 11:48am

  531. 531: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Rant alert.

    You know what some guys p8ss me off!!!!

    Like the have texing diahorrea!

    Leave me alone dude – seriously, don’t blaze up my phone it will pee me off!

    Just seriously, I intend to have a man who courts me nice and regularly and slowly…

    Not crazy full on or non existant!!!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 11:57am

  532. 532: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FFS

    Like where has SSU CD gone?

    I mean whatever.. but don’t be all on my case on minute… offering me a ring and so on, and then poof
    cus you don’t think I am keen enough or something!

    I am allowed o have doubts!

    Grrrrrr.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:00pm

  533. 533: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    My work out is done. It feels great. After, I thank myself with the macarons that my mom brought me. I love doing things that I like. Off to do my cleaning now. Good afternoon to all sirens! And a good evening to the ones in Europe.

    xoxo

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:03pm

  534. 534: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, maybe he’s just scare to be pushy after what happened? Just saying… It’s just a random thought.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:06pm

  535. 535: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @ LILI #497 – Thanks! xox

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:19pm

  536. 536: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – Wow, pole dancing teacher certification? How hot is that?!?? You are siren awesomeness. :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:22pm

  537. 537: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ella
    Yes you are allowed to have doubts.
    and you are allowed to be peeved.
    You are still getting to know SSU CD.
    Perhaps he is just giving you space…
    breathe and don’t overanalyze…
    I don’t think he has poofed…

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:26pm

  538. 538: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I realize that I want love and I want to be and feel special. But it scares me.

    I want a man to love me, yet I feel scared and tense up when they do.

    I want a man to treat me well, but I feel I don’t deserve it – even if I tell myself I do.

    I always feel hopeful when I meet someone, but sometimes, in the back of my mind, there’s this thought, this idea, this passing notion, that soon they are going to figure out something about me that they don’t like. So when they are telling me about all the things about me that they do like, I don’t believe them, because I know there is more. There is something else.

    It scared me, talking to K1. He talked about feeling something “dark and heavy” about me that he didn’t know and didn’t understand. That was scary to me. And suddenly, I felt the same thing. And I told him that maybe he felt that because it is something I experience for myself.

    I don’t know. I feel so sad right now.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:45pm

  539. 539: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    It is a beautiful day outside, and I feel like my mind is on an emotional roller coaster, just sitting at home, doing nothing. Maybe I am starting my PMS cycle. That stinks.

    I wrote to K1 today. I couldn’t stand it. I’ve been waking up, the last two days, thinking that I’ve made a horrible mistake by not allowing him to cook with me on Friday. And maybe that has nothing to do with anything that he’s feeling. But as best as I can figure, it would have been nicer if I had just let him go ahead with that. Even if it didn’t make a difference.

    So I texted him: “Eating leftovers today. I feel sad. The food would have been so much better if we’d cooked it together. I don’t know why I said no. I think I felt scared.:)”

    Maybe that was too much. I could have just said. “Eating leftovers. I feel sad.” Or just “I feel sad.”

    All of those would have been true.

    I felt a little weird after I sent it. I’d been doing so well with my leaning back and not “doing” anything. But I guess I suck at that, after a certain point. Boo. But at the same time, it was bothering me so much. If I never let him know how I feel about it, I’d just be carrying that around with me forever. And it would be almost like lying, too. I don’t need or want closure. I just wanted to say what I felt…

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:51pm

  540. 540: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Lili #503 and Ice Princess –

    My mother was always really hard on me, too. I think it makes it REALLY hard to receive love from people. Her “love” was always served with a spicy side of criticism. Or sometimes it was criticism first, followed by “I love you, you’re the best.” What am I supposed to believe?? That I am the best ever and I have no flaws, or that I can’t do anything right? Or both?!? yes, it makes it very difficult. Men can’t understand what this would ever have to do with them. But those relationships are our first intimate relationships. They absolutely influence how we love and are loved by others. But we CAN override it. We first have to be nice and gentle and kind with ourselves. And that’s probably the hardest part. I am definitely still working on this. Sending you kindness and <3.

    xox, Tiffany

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:56pm

  541. 541: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Here was the offer from friend/CD who mostly communicates through FB:

    “i have one (a plan) for you; train to ****, go to the shindig, kiss me passionately, stay where *** and **** are!!”

    My response

    “Lol :-)
    he he
    weeel… maybe and as we have never actually been on a proper date not sure how I would feel about that…”

    and then he repiled something and I said

    “All sounds good until the hotel bit. Cus I would feel weird to stay in a hotel room… esp if there was kissing involved :-)”

    And then he said ‘hold tight’ and now he has disappeared!

    Lol.

    Maybe he is making a plan.

    Its funny cus I feel quite attracted to him and I think he has that kinda ‘on/off’ vibe which can sometimes trigger me into feeling all ‘interested’.

    He is a guy I’ve known for a while…

    I am just noticing how much our attraction or chemistry feelings play a part in how we view the offer… cus if it was a guy I didn’t feel like that with I’d jus be like ‘No!’ flat out to any suggested plan that wasn’t up to scratch!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:58pm

  542. 542: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Tiffany, I feel sad that you feel sad.

    I think I am afraid o being loved myself an I didn’t know few weeks ago. I also have nasty voices telling me that I don’t deserve to be love and that I am gonna just date all my life and necer get married and have my own family.

    But isn’t it why we are here? To learn how to push away the fears and practice, practice and practice to stop listening to the nasty voices? I feel hopefull and you should too!

    I had a first date with FirstCD on Tuesday. Before the date, he was sending me emails every morning asking if I would be on MSN at night to chat. Since the date, he texted me only 2 times. I am afraid that I said some things that he didn’t like somethings I said. Or maybe it’s because I smoked? Or maybe it’s because I was getting pretty tipsy at the end? Or maybe he thougts I was crazy because I was talking about my dog? But you know what? WHATEVER! I prefere to force myself to think about something else when these thoughts come out. I prefere tothink that he’s just giving me space and doesn’t want to be too pushy. And when he sees tgat I don’t text or call, perhaps he’s gonna call to find out where I am. If not, I will have find another CD in the mean time because I’m an incredible siren and I BELEIVE IN MYSELF!!

    xoxo Tiffany

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 12:59pm

  543. 543: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Humph,

    He didn’t come back… I feel grumpy.

    What does it mean ‘hold tight?’

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 1:16pm

  544. 544: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I live me. Love me. Still feeling tired. A t-tapp workout would feel good.

    I love how much exercise I am able to do. I am like native wood goddess. I move at night .

    I am.

    I feel cravy, needy. I don’t have any dates set up yet.

    I feel guilty and overwhelmed about the men I didn’t call back from my voicemail.

    I want to sleepover and lay up somewhere, eating listening to music smoking and getting massages, baths and sleeping some more and dancing.

    I love me.

    It feels so good to be close to my parents and feel love.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 1:22pm

  545. 545: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    With a scarf on my head I can carry my backpack on my head no hands. That fels like a relief last nite on the home stretch to the house.

    I also see why women wear scarves it keeps our head warm in the cool nite and keeps hair out my face.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 1:25pm

  546. 546: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I am a night time Godess sometimes too.

    I am feeling good relaxing by the fire.

    I feel anxious about having no plans set for next weekend.

    I feel worried and anxious at the thought of missing out on exciting plans.

    I have several invites and nothing firm or confirmed.

    Don’t want to lean forward even when it is just friends.

    Sigh…

    I am sure it will all sort out and I feel happy about my life atm.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 1:39pm

  547. 547: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh he’s back (friend on FB).

    He said he didn’t mean we would kiss in a hotel room.

    To be fair he did not actually say that.

    Owww, I feel ashamed now! Blushy face.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 1:47pm

  548. 548: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow – feeling tense in my womb area and tummy!

    Weird huh.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 1:48pm

  549. 549: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    So “S” suddenly send me a txt message, say “how Are you?” I was dating myself and getting me some nice peacock feather earrings when I saw the text.

    I said I was feeling fine, enjoying the dance classes and the nice weather. then I said and you?

    It was casual and I did not feel like asking more about him. He ended just saying that he just wanted o say hello…I said ok Thanks…and that was it. I was trying to be open and inviting, in the past I would have started a fight and tell him to F* off. It is hard not to do that I get very defensive, so not bad for the first time trying to be open etc.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:02pm

  550. 550: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    519 Susan – he does show me that I’m cherished – sometimes. He shows it through buying me gifts, sometimes for no reason at all except to make me happy, and he sometimes expresses it in words. And the way he holds me is his other way of showing it.

    But yeah, he goes and pulls this kind of stunt and I wonder what the hell I’m doing with him… :-/

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:05pm

  551. 551: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel kinda down and troubled with thoughts of racism and feeling sad for my friend when she went in with her sick cat and the lady there euthanised him right away

    i feel afraid of that happening to me

    i feel judgemental and scared

    i feel awed to think i see some of this stuff at work

    i feel overwhelmed by my dream

    i feel tired

    i feel lonely

    i feel needy

    of rubbing, of that peaceful vibe

    i feel tightness in my heart

    i feel sad

    i love my sadness

    and that feels like

    tight on right side of throat

    i love my tightness on the right side of throat

    and that feels like yawn

    and good thinking that im feeling healthy now overall nothing to ‘worry’ about with my health not with my throat or my urinary tract

    yay

    not with my gums either

    i feel heavy in my left dhoulder

    i lovr the heaviness in my left shoulder

    and that feels like

    yawn

    i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    smile

    i love my smile

    and that fels like giggle

    i love my giggle

    and that feels like

    tingling in my chest and burping

    i love the tingling in my chest and burping

    and that feels like burping and scratching my eye and ear

    i love my burping and scratching my eye and ear and that feels like giggling

    and i love my giggling and that feels like

    heavy right shouldre

    and i love my heavy right shoulder and that feels like

    tight under my mouth and i love the tightness under my mouth

    andt that fesl like big yawn and i love my big yawn

    and that fels like warmth tingling in nostrils and i love my warm tingling in nostrils

    and that feels like

    blankness on my chest

    and i love the blankness on my chest

    and that feels like big yawn

    and i love my big yawn

    and that feels like pulling under my right arm

    and i love the pulling under my right arm

    and that feels like

    pulling and hotness on my head

    and i love the pulling and hotness on my head

    and that feels like

    giggle

    and i love my giggle

    and that feels like

    blowing my nose

    and i love my blowing my nose

    and that feels like

    tingly around my nostrils

    and i love the tingly around my nostrils

    and that feels like

    heavyness in my right arm and

    i love the heaviness in my right arm

    and that feels like pressure on my right side top tooth

    and i love the pressure on my tooth

    and that feels like smile hmmhhmmm

    i love my dmile hmmhmmm

    and that feels like half yawn

    and i love my half yawn

    and that feels like cool tingles on the left of my forehead and i love my cool tingles

    and that feels like warmth on the inside of my throat

    and i love my warmth

    and that feels like yawn and
    i love my yawn

    and that feels like stretching my arms and i love my strecthing

    and that feels like a big yawn and i love my big yawn

    and that feels like giggle and i love my giglge

    and taht feels like looking out while the hair feels pulled back on my scalp and a big yawn

    and i love my looking out and pulling feeling and big yawn

    and that feels like hotness in my ankle and i love the hotness in my ankle

    and that feels like pinching in my right shouldre

    and i lve the pinchign in my right shoudler

    and that feels like yawning and i love my yawning

    and that feels like dizzyness on the top left side
    of my head

    and i love my dizzyness

    and that feels like pinching on the middle of my back and tinglig
    a
    nd i love the pinching and tinglingg

    andt ha feels like pinching on my butt and i love the pinching on my butt

    tand that feels like a big yawn

    and i love my big yawn

    and that feels like pinching and tingling on my nose

    and ai love the pinching and tingling on my nose

    and that feels like tingling on my foot and i love the tingling on my foot

    andt hat feels like getup GO and push forward energy

    and i love my get up GO and push forward energy

    andt hat feels like flat and sad on my chest

    and i love the flat and sad on my chest feeling

    and that feels like tingling in my pee spot and tightness around my throat

    adn i love my tingling in my pe spot and thte tightness aroudn my throat
    a
    nd that feels like tingling on my cheeks and i love the tingling around my cheeks

    and that feels like giggling and i love my giggling

    and that feels like shoulder hotness nad pinching and i lov emy shouulder hotness an pinching

    and that feels like big yawn and i love my big yawn

    and that feels like chchc and spitting

    and i love my chchc and spitting

    and that feels like burp

    and i love my burp

    and tht feels like melting with eyes closed and head bedning over

    and i love my melting with eyse closed and head bending over

    and that feels like more bending and sclosing eyes

    n i love my more bending and head hanging ey e closeness

    an dthat feels like puling alongside my face on th e irght

    and ilove the pulling alongside my face

    on the right

    and that feels like tingling midback and i love my tingling midback

    and thta feels like head up huuuh

    i love my head up huuuh

    and hta feels like head falling sideways

    and i love my head falling sideways

    and that feels like big yawn

    and i love my big yawn

    nd thtat feels like eye clsoing ness and i love my eye closingnesss

    adnt hat feels like

    my mom came dancing in here and that feels good

    and also a lil numb, not like crying with greatfulness

    and now cds are calling

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:13pm

  552. 552: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t think I’ll see him at work today because he’s working offsite. The married woman will be offsite with him and several others.

    I talked to her over the weekend about what happened between TH and I. I was starting to doubt my perception of what happened and thankfully she was of the same opinion – although her opinion was much more harsh than mine because she doesn’t like him at all right now.

    Today I’m going to make it my mission to not think about him at all. Wish me luck! ;)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:17pm

  553. 553: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and Lili has inspired me. I’m going to focus on being open and inviting to everybody I cross paths with today!

    I’m going to unzipper my heart and let the love flow! :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:19pm

  554. 554: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh i feel sad… i just let my florida cd go cuz he just wants to talk on th phone

    he calls all the time to o and i hardly anser

    and i was really staitforward with im as an neperiment

    i was like well youre a nice a guy but i dont want to just keept alkng to u and we dont see each other

    im gonna get attached and then cant see u

    i dont wanna do that to myself

    aww

    i feel sad and like i miss him now i just hung up with him

    aww sad bbaby daria miss talking to her friend felt good like love and comfotta nd hehe mmm

    awww

    and daria is gonna have even better and real life friends awwww and lovers

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:22pm

  555. 555: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i want a new lover and its feeling ‘urgent’

    i love me

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:24pm

  556. 556: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    re #542 –

    thanks, Lizka!

    That felt so good to read :)

    I know. Guys often make their own decisions based on factors that we can’t really know or understand. just like we do with them, sometimes, I guess.

    it does feel good to focus on something else.

    Today, I went for a bike ride to the beach, and just sat and watched the water for a while.

    While I was riding, I thought of all the good and nice things that K1 had said to me, and I began to feel hope again. Not hope that he would “come back.” Just a feeling that he’s not really gone. And anyway, I still have those nice things he said, no matter what.

    After riding for a bit, I started noticing people more, and making eye contact and smiling. When I dropped my keys, a nice lady picked them up and handed them to me.

    All this raised my vibe, and I felt better, no matter what happens. And then, for some reason, coming home felt depressing. I didn’t want to go inside after all the sunshine and niceness!

    But I am going to focus on some reading and writing that i need to do and just taking care of myself.

    That’s the sireny thing to do, right??

    I’ve expressed myself, with no intentions and no expectations. And now I get to live my life and take care of me. :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:29pm

  557. 557: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling sad!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:30pm

  558. 558: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    do you know how hard it is to find a guy who is willing to do dating, the full coming to me and paying for stuff

    AND is an attentive and skilled lover

    blah!
    and i want to feel attracted

    AND
    i feel frustrated

    and i might as well get down all these thoughts

    that im demanding

    im actually a really stuck up kinda girl, and i expect guys to come to me and pay for dates and stuff

    yup

    and im all about me me me the whole way

    and i need help with things, like rides at night

    and i want GIFTS

    too!

    yeah!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:35pm

  559. 559: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “im actually a really stuck up kinda girl, and i expect guys to come to me and pay for dates and stuff”

    i made this my headline on my hood site. i feel self conscious about it so im gonna put it out ther

    i think guys are gonna be turned off and wary and think that im trying to treat them like tricks and suckers and thats ok im

    healing this

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:38pm

  560. 560: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    they’re gonna think im a prostitute wanting them to pay for prostitute ‘dates’. and thats ok im healing this now

    een if they did think that im sure they’ll still like me

    yeah!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 2:44pm

  561. 561: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    So I did all my clean up and I feel very happy and satisfied about it.

    While I was cleaning, I realised that I was not feeling that sad about never talking to P again. He’s gone. He will not come back. I can say that and it doesn’t hurt. He is gone. Dot.

    And FirstCD still haven’t call. And I cancelled my date with E. And I don’t care. If one of them is the good one, he’s gonna come back. Because I am fabulous!

    It feels really good to think like that. I can’t beleive that I am not sad about P. He is the reason why I came on this blog and got myself the ebook at first! And now I have all this hope about my future and it does not include one man in particular. Of course, right now I wish E was my Mr Right, but I’m not sure he is. And it’s fine with me!! If he is, he is. I’m still young and have lot of time to practice and to CD. I never thought like that before and it feels refreshing! Yay me!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:47pm

  562. 562: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg feeling awful

    traumatic feeling like situation here at my house

    ugh

    my mom moved all my stuff fromt eh new room to my old room all of a sudden cuz she got mad

    and i cried

    and my dad seemed concerend but hes like theres no reason for u to cry
    a
    and i went on the blacony

    and now i feel really mad and its just sitting in me – familiar

    mmf

    i want to get it out and i dono how

    i feel hot in my face

    i want to heal

    i told all my hleper statues oi the house i feel angry

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:48pm

  563. 563: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i have a belief that no one will ever treat me better or be more there for me or love me more than my family

    i remember i think being told this

    anyway i REALLY have this belief and it shows up when making freinds or new lovers or thinking about a man

    i believe ill never find one better to treat me better and have a better environment

    i guess this belief is not really true it just seems true to me

    sigh

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:50pm

  564. 564: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok i actually cried which feels awwesome

    a lot of stuff felt different about this scenario, felt like less stuff being botttled in

    it felt awful tho

    i feel mad

    im making up fantasiez of not going downstairs for days and ‘punishing’ them

    i feel ick in my tummy thinking about looking them in the eye

    either of them

    i feel so mad

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:53pm

  565. 565: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And I bought myself a nice desert to celebrate that!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 3:53pm

  566. 566: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i felt like a 5 year old crying and when my dad was saying that to me and its all ok

    it felt humiliating and uuuugjh

    and i love me and i wonder if around that time i began to shut down my expressions

    yeah i love me

    it felt good too like

    omg i can actually ccry and its ok

    now

    yay im a big person

    mmm

    i loe me i feel hot in my head i loev my hot head feeling

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:01pm

  567. 567: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just called a CD to kick it and he said yes and halfway through i got all demotivated now pfffff

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:16pm

  568. 568: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am seeing/remembering how it was not safe to really trust my mom, she could ‘flip’ and attack at any moment

    not safe not safe

    and not honest i dont even know why shes mad i think cuz i laughed at some paintings she got i didnt know she got them

    anyway i asked her if thats why and she said no so i dont know whatsup

    i feel angry

    and i like consistency like i dont like people i am feeling close and trusting to to suddenly do stuff that i feel scared and humiliated by and alos

    to push me away

    ugh

    feeling mad

    at mom

    rargh

    im gonna hve a better life than this

    that feels gulity

    i love me

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:41pm

  569. 569: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    553:

    Hi BW,

    Feels to good to be inspiring to you in a good way.

    As for me, I feel scared right now. D is stepping up and it feels scary.

    He did the same sort of thing TH did, even worse…he brought her and her sisters on vacation w his friends. Wuuurrrrkkk. Yaaaaakkkkkkk.

    I still cringe at the thought of it. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.
    Even if they’re just friends, I should have been more important.
    I have a feeling that I will if I keep following this path to myself.
    However it will be, I will get over it…with or without him, I will just follow my feelings.

    He went on my computer this morning, to go look at a house that we like.
    He looks at that house and drives in front of it every time he comes to see me.
    We have a ways to go before that happens.
    I have a ways to go before that happens.
    I will not be satisfied in a relationship until I learn to own my feelings and express them in a healthy way to inspire safety and trust.

    For now, all I want is to go to Las Vegas in April.
    He said “It’s expensive”.
    I didn’t say anything, but I thought to myself: You had money to go on 3 trips without me this year…
    He looked into my eyes and said “I can just put it on my credit card”.
    Darn right, I’m worth it!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:45pm

  570. 570: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i now feel like resting so i set my bed up

    and now i will be high cuz im on 2 mattresses

    and i ahve 2 pillows

    and i feel deeply good about the shifts in myself when in a situation like the one that jut happened

    wow

    a lot of shifts from the Margaret Lynch program

    i super recommend it

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:47pm

  571. 571: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Lili I totally get that cringe feeling! And yes it would be very hard to move on from.

    Oh I soooo want to go to Vegas one day! I had one week in the Hollywood hills this time last year and I had the best time! So one day I’ll get there. :)

    And I like D’s suggestion about the credit card. Yes you ARE worth it girl!!! Woohoo!!

    I think you’re on the right track and the only way is up for you – with or without him!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:52pm

  572. 572: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH is apparently in an ok mood today, as the married woman just told me via email (I think I’ll call her “M” from now on – M for married!).

    They’re offsite today so I won’t see him at all. And that’s a good thing!

    I feel like buying myself a nice dress today – something summery for work. My current wardrobe consists of lots of boring blacks. I want something nice and cool and flowy.

    Yeah! And I might even buy some Christmas presents for my girls too! :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:56pm

  573. 573: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s ok to treat people bad when I’m upset

    And in waiting for something to show up right now

    U feel uncomfortable feeling myself right now

    My mind is pulling ahead.

    Pulling on my buttocks, up and over my head

    Stretching

    Heal heart heal

    This is effortless

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:56pm

  574. 574: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s ok to treat people bad when I’m upset

    And in waiting for something to show up right now

    U feel uncomfortable feeling myself right now

    My mind is pulling ahead.

    Pulling on my buttocks, up and over my head

    Stretching

    Heal heart heal

    This is effortless

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 4:57pm

  575. 575: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Lili, I hope you get to go to Vegas. I am going in February for my birthday. LP is supposed to go with me but I am fearful about what our situation will be like by then since last year on my birthday he moved out because I kicked him out.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 5:02pm

  576. 576: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    I still feel incomplete, like I still have something to say. I no longer want to leave my feelings unsaid.
    But I’m struggling with it.
    It never seems to be the right time to talk.
    That’s a copout.
    I feel fear. I feel that fear of being dismissed.
    That old familiar feeling dismissed of childhood.
    My parents had to work double hard to provide for us, 12 hours a day for 6 days a week.
    Then another 8 hours of work on Sundays.
    No time for nonsense talk like feelings or anything else. Just be quiet and don’t bother me.

    Well then, I should start with just that:
    I have something important to share w you.
    It would feel so good to me to say what I have to say.
    But I feel scared.

    I want to keep learning to connect with my feelings and to express them in a healthy, respectful and loving way.
    I want to really hear you when you share your feelings with me.
    I want both of us to feel safe to talk about anything and everything, to clear the air between us so we have room for having fun together.
    That’s the warm connected relationship I want.
    I want to be your no 1, I don’t want to compete for that position.

    I want to say those things bc he said he wanted to start from scratch 2 weeks ago.
    I said it was too late.
    1 week later, I asked him if he really meant it when he said he wanted to startover from scratch.
    He said take your time to think about it.
    I don’t blame him for feeling scared and want to make sure I know what I want, coz I’ve bailed out so many times in so many ways from day 1.

    This is all about facing my fear of intimacy, I don’t want to let that fear drag me around anymore.

    As one eloquent coworker once said “It’s not the tale wagging the dog.” lol :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 5:37pm

  577. 577: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    575:

    Yikes, kicked out?!

    I confronted the neighbour lady in March, which left D very scared of me and cold.
    We went down south to the sunny beach w his friends in April.
    The vibes were awful.
    I was having fun w his buddies, but he was cold and distant.
    I verbally kicked him around some throughout that week.
    I was so disapointed.
    His withdrawing was bc he didn’t feel good about me going behind his back to talk to his neighbour lady about her being all over him.
    He didn’t feel safe w me doing that without talking to him 1st.

    Right now, it’s one step at a time w me.
    He asked me when was my work Xmas party this year and he said he wanted to come.
    I didn’t even ask him if he wanted to come.
    He even said he would rearrange his work schedule to finish early that Saturday and start later the next day.
    So let’s start w that party.
    Then the holidays.
    If we make it through those events, then we’ll book our trip for April.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 6:03pm

  578. 578: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want the weekend to ever end. I feel scared of the week ahead. It’s usually easier for me not to lean foward with P in the weekend. Than in the week, there is always the possibility of meeting in the street since he works in the building next to mine and also the very strong possibility that people around me talk about him (because he use to work with us and was very very appreciated by everyone, specialy by the girls), the possibility that some of the girls (and the guys also) just brag about going to lunch or for happy hour with him. I don’t want to happen. I feel crying just to think of it. I am doing everything I can to forget him and to kick him out of my heart and my head (there was no official closure). I don’t want to go to an environment where he is everywhere. I really feel scared and sick about it. Plus at work, the atmosphere is always tense because we are doing a stressful work and everyone has a strong personality. It always makes me feel stressed and tense myself and it’s easy to get sad and to miss P. I don’t want my perfect weekend with myself to be over. I’m really afraid of going back there…

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 6:27pm

  579. 579: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    who’s a silly siren?

    I am! lol

    so, as I said, I went out biking today. Then I cooked special cookies, which made me feel better. Then I rode my bike again to get some stuff that I needed. I didn’t check my phone until I got back, around 5 p.m. I sent K1 my text at 12:30. I had looked at my phone, but my message light wasn’t flashing, so I didn’t want to torture myself.

    Anyhoo, I got back and I had 2 messages – one from him, and one from another guy. Plus, my landlord called.

    He (K1, who is the architect) didn’t really say anything. Just that it was ok, and how was my movie last night. I said it was great. so. He’s not making any efforts to come near me or see me or talk to me. This much is clear.

    But the great thing is, after I had got back, and come in from my errands and stuff, I had this feeling like I didn’t really care, and it didn’t matter. I tried some things. I experimented. I let him try some things. he experiment. he did things to get to know me. He liked me. he said that he felt a “connection” between us, even if he didn’t know what it meant. If it doesn’t “work out” as a relationship, then it’s really not a loss!

    It’s a gain – because I gained the experience. I gained the wonderful kissing (cha-ching!:), and I gained the attention that he paid to me.

    To be quite honest, there were a couple little things he did that bothered me. Not really major. Not even really worth mentioning in detail. I can’t even quite say why they bothered me, just that they made me anxious. And I want to be around someone who makes me feel calm and safe and comforted. Not someone who is worrying about every little thing.

    So…it’s all good. All for the best, as they say.

    I at least got my issue off my mind – even if that had nothing to do with what was on his mind.

    Ooh, I love typing on here. i love rambling on and on. lalala. It’s like having a personal journal – only better! Because sometimes, some of you guys (ladies) might read this! It might mean something to you. It definitely makes it mean something to me. I love being able to process my thoughts and feelings “publicly.” Even if you can’t see me. You “see” me, through my thoughts. That’s so great. Most people don’t get to see that. And for me, I think that’s where most of my juiciness is.

    ooh, I love me. I am practicing being, feeling, falling in love with me. I am so wonderful. So many guys like me and love me and think of me all the time. When I let love in – ohh, it’s going to be like a torrent!

    gotta fall in love with me first, right? ok ;p

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 6:38pm

  580. 580: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    :( FirstCD is connected on MSN so am I and he is not talking to me… Wondering what I did wrong so he stoped giving me attebtion. I’m don’t really care about him. It just makes me feel sad. FirstCD was the first guy I accepted to meet after meeting him on a dating site and also the first guy I was dating after learning what CDing is. And I just feel like I totally failed at this first experience. It makes me feel sad and unworthy. And when I feel like that I start thinking of old loves, like P. And I begin to want to see only him again. But he’s gooooone. Ahhh poor me. I was feeling so good earlier. And now i really feel like sh*t!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 6:54pm

  581. 581: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ugh i feel so pist

    my mom is coming around and i feel resentful and jealous and judgemental

    and mad

    and i love me

    sigh

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 6:56pm

  582. 582: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    577 – Lili,

    Yes, kicked out….I have been beating myself up about it all day. It was not until today, almost a year later, that I realized that I was the complete and total demise of our relationship and I told him that today. I need to forgive myself if I want to move on though.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:15pm

  583. 583: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany 579

    “Ooh, I love typing on here. i love rambling on and on. lalala. It’s like having a personal journal – only better! Because sometimes, some of you guys (ladies) might read this! It might mean something to you. It definitely makes it mean something to me.”

    I feel like that too. I feel like this is my personal diary. But there’s no diary in the world who answers to you and gives you good advices like you get here! It’s an amazing feeling!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:15pm

  584. 584: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    oooh, good siren quote!

    I was just watching a program about lawyers. One prosecutor was telling another lawyer to wait for the other side to make their decision on a plea deal, even though they had no chance in court. The younger lawyer didn’t believe her that this was a good idea. But the prosecutor says, “You date much? Just wait. The phone…will ring.”

    haha….so good.

    I should be a lawyer ;)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:23pm

  585. 585: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel gloomy tonight. Still afraid of going to work. FirstCD is not calling. I want to cry. Will do a quick list of blessing to go sleep with some positive thoughts.

    1. I feel blessed to be able to cry and that it makes me feel good when I do. (weird thing to feel blessed about, I know)

    2. I feel blessed for the very entertaining season’s final of this reality show I was watching tonight. Helped me to laugh a little.

    3. I feel blessed for a collegue who is becoming a friend for talking to me on Facebook and making me feel good with some small talk.

    4. I feel blessed for the clean sheets I put in my bes. I’m gonna have a good night in my warm bed with my little dog.

    5. I feel blessed for my mom who came over today, brought me some glasses from Ikea, put my BbQ away for the winter, brought me some macarons.

    6. I feel blessed for still having E in my life after almost 5 years and after all that happened. I feel like he’s never gonna go to far away and alway’s be there for me even if it’s not for what I want (this I have no idea actually). He’s just there.

    Ahhhh now I want to call hin, can I?

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:26pm

  586. 586: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I know it is total leaning foward, but I texted E and I told him that it feela weird and personAl to say and I wrote exactly what i wrote in my previous post about feeling blessed to have him. I had to share. I am crying. Because I like him a lot. He replied ” :) thats very nice..i think its true”

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:34pm

  587. 587: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Too tired to write much. I just really appreciate Rori’s article. She is such a fabulous writer!!

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:40pm

  588. 588: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know if it was a good idea. But I feel happy about saying it to him. And he seems touched about it. Will see. Maybe he’ll understand that I’m still into him? We have this very particular relationship… I hope it’s for the better. I like him so much.

    Good night sirens.

    xoxo

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:44pm

  589. 589: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    582:

    We would be indulgent and forgiving to a learning child.
    We’re learning what we should have learned as children, so let’s be indulgent and forgiving to ourselves.
    We are worthy of compassion.

    I think it’s in the Reconnect your Relationship program where Rori says: “If you beat yourself up, you will attract a guy who will beat you up.”

    I’m speaking to myself too here ;)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:52pm

  590. 590: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t fall asleep because I feel wrong to have lean foward waaaaaay too much with E. Why the h”ll did I opened him my feelings like that?!?

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 7:58pm

  591. 591: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lili for 589. I feel concerned too. Maybe I should be indulgent with myself too. But I have to act perfect with E. He so not just a practice. Grrrrrrd. I feel sad I did that.

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:00pm

  592. 592: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens….
    help…
    I’m so nervous…
    I have a potential CD online is coming on REALLY strong…

    He lives out of town like 7 hours away and is willing to drive to see me for a first date,

    keeps saying how he’s on cloud nine to be talking to me..etc…it’s feeling like so much pressure! It’s feeling not good at all!

    I feel scared and like I want to run away!

    I don’t even know how to reply!

    Also…I’m not really attracted…and I feel suspicious why he’d be so anxious to drive all that way…OMG help…

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:14pm

  593. 593: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    591 Lizka
    Rori says for the right guy it doesnt’ matter if we mess up…it’s ok. If we come out kinda jumbly or not perfect feeling messages, its alright!
    Be gentle with yourself…

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:18pm

  594. 594: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    592 I’m seeing myself panic….
    I’m noticing my “suspiciousness” and its weird…

    I’m weird :(

    I don’t want to feel pressured

    I don’t know how to paint a boundary….

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 8:36pm

  595. 595: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Has anybody else bought Reconnect recently? And if so, were you able to download it or did you have to wait for the CDs?

    I just contacted them to check but thought I’d ask here. :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 9:44pm

  596. 596: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, what do you think is causing those suspicious feelings in you?

    I am learning (the hard way) that having strong feelings of mistrust will attract that to you and he’ll give you a reason to not trust him.

    If TH and I are able to sort things out and get our “real” relationship started, I’m going to have to open my heart and give him the chance to prove to me that he is trustworthy.

    But if I keep doing what I’m doing and constantly accusing him of doing things that he may or may not have done, then I’m going to push him away and he’ll probably do something to prove me right.

    I’d rather be happy than right though, so I’m going to have to try and let my guard down and let him in, otherwise neither of us will ever be happy. xxx

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 9:51pm

  597. 597: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lizka 588 – I think it’s okay what you wrote to E. That sounded nice. It was open, honest. True “leaning forward” would have been to suggest doing something, or asking him out. You didn’t do that. And he responded positively. I think you’re doing great!

    What you might be feeling is the discomfort of vulnerability. I get that, too, sometimes, and it can be hard to know the difference between that and “Oh, jeez, I did something wrong.”

    So just breathe. Hang in with yourself. You don’t know what’s going to happen, or what he is thinking – except for the fact that he has agreed with you.

    I think that sounds sweet!

    Hope you get some rest and have sweet dreams :)

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:17pm

  598. 598: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Part of why I think I feel sad today (well, also maybe because Mercury is in retrograde???), is because I feel so left behind.

    Recently, I’ve had two former “CDs” inform me that they are dating people. One was just a guy from too far away who I was sharing nice emails with. I was just about to ask him why he was writing to me, when he told me that he had started seeing someone.

    The other is a friend on Facebook. He asked me out for coffee, and it was very nice. I didn’t get a super romantic vibe about it. But I feel fairly certain he was checking me out. Well, now he’s dating someone, which I saw on FB. Nice Jewish girl, I think. Which doesn’t really bother me. Except that I’m Jewish. Only he didn’t know that I am Jewish by choice, until we met that night. He seemed almost disappointed to learn that. And we talked about it. He is Jewish by choice, too. It just feels so icky to be discriminated against because of my “status.” I’m Jewish – but I’m not Jewish “enough.”

    This is why I don’t date Jewish guys, mostly. Because Jewish guys actually care if their kids are Jewish or not, whereas non-Jewish guys don’t. Or maybe this is all just my own insecurities about not feeling “enough” no matter what it is. I’m pretty sure lots of Jewish-by-choice women don’t worry about whether or not they are “really” Jewish. But I do….sometimes.

    Wow, I got myself onto a whole big tangent there…cripey.

    Back to the whole “left behind” thing. I just feel like, suddenly, all these guys who found me attractive are ditching me and going to choose someone else. They know that I’m great and awesome and attractive. They just don’t “feel it” for me, I guess. *sigh*

    Which means, I suppose, that they are not the right guys for me.

    But also, I’ve been thinking about my mindset. Like what’s my real prerogative? Am I really out to get into a relationship? Or am I just out to date because I want to date, and I want to use it as an excuse to actually AVOID relationship? Whoa…scary and deep.

    I mean, theoretically, I want to be in a relationship. I just keep avoiding it, for some reason, even with perfectly good guys. Oy. I’m tired…

    So I figured, if I really do want a relationship, then I have to change my mindset. I have to change my whole orientation toward wanting a relationship.

    Right now it’s like my head’s turned in that direction, but my body is walking somewhere else. I have to get the head and the body in the same direction, so that I can get to where I’m really going. And stop trying to “fake people out” or something. It’s like I’m trying to “hide” what I’m doing. Like I’m embarrassed, ashamed.

    I’m pretty sure this comes from somewhere deep. So I’m going to go to sleep and dream about it, and see what I feel like in the morning…

    Good night, ladies. xo

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 10:33pm

  599. 599: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany some of what you said rings true for me, about avoiding relationships but still wanting one….eek.
    How to sort it out?

    I think I identified one of my issues…I am truly scared to date online and meet people that way…I am scared for my safety, even when being “smart” that comes off as being cold or secritive sometimes…if I tell the guy abuot my job, etc he will figure out where I work possibly and I fear that….what if he’s nuts????

    Sunday, 27 November 2011 @ 11:28pm

  600. 600: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, I’m kind of the same. And of course I ended up meeting a guy online who now WORKS with me!!! Argh!

    I prefer to meet my men organically, and luckily I work in the city and with people who like to go out, so the opportunities to meet people are there.

    I also experimented as I walked home from the station today. I kept eye contact with a guy who was pulling out of a side street. He ended up smiling and he was pretty cute too! Wooo! :)

    I can do this!!! :) :) :)

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 12:16am

  601. 601: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    BW yeah somehow meeting men organically puts me more at ease as well..I need to go out more though.

    I met recycled at a bar! he approached me. I didn’t even like him that much at first. LOL

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 1:00am

  602. 602: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah I have found that the guys I’ve met organically have been better quality too.

    Of course in saying that, I have a few friends who have met some amazing guys online!

    I’m not sure if it’s the same where you live, but here on a Friday night, the bars in the city are FULL of businessmen after a long week! LOVE IT! S works near the bar where we met and was with a heap of people from his work that night. He’s in banking. ;)

    Mr Octopus I met online… and Mr Puppydog Eyes… hmm….. lol

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 1:08am

  603. 603: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Funny how you didn’t like Recycled at first! I didn’t have ANY attraction to TH when we first met! Now look at me – I’m a nutcase over the guy! :P

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 1:09am

  604. 604: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel sad… i am getting contacted by attractive men who have some “flaw” like they stood me up in the past, or i feel kinda off and neglected talking to them, or im not feeling the judgementalness

    ugh

    and i feel so NEEDy right now

    i not feelin so good

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 2:50am

  605. 605: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    why would i care how these guys are?

    they are great practice when they come with ‘flaws’

    and i get a chance to express myself on stuff that triggers me

    i care cuz i feel lonely and invested in manifesting a lover

    a Wonderful lover

    and yet i feel spazzy and anxious and like i will push and kick any guy who might get close to me away

    hmmm

    i love me

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 3:01am

  606. 606: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    595:

    BW,

    I had to wait for the CDs. :(

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 3:05am

  607. 607: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah they replied and confirmed it’s just on CD. Darn it! Hopefully they don’t take too long to arrive all the way down here in Oz! :)

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 3:08am

  608. 608: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im missing giant cd. with the giant dick. who turned out to spazz out on me

    oh i wish that didnt happen . i felt so disappointed

    i could ‘fix’ it too

    but that would only let it fall apart later, and i would have to ‘fix’ it again and

    taht would suck

    boo hoo

    i want a lover now

    and giant dick made last guy i cuddled with’s dick seem boring

    even tho it would normally feel intriguing and look big

    this time i was like ‘whatever’ looking at it

    cuz i had seen like GiantDick’s dick

    blah

    the spell is wearing off somewhat tho

    i kinda thought about someone else’s dick a lil earlier

    i feel sad now

    i have a CD with a guy i felt kinda angry being on the phone with

    one of those 50 50 guys

    blah

    and yet he INsists i meet him

    but it seemed to be more one of those, dont Flake on me insisting

    rather tahn i really really really like u

    ugh

    pft

    balh

    and i talked to this girl who talked to me about my ex and blah

    an di dont relaly want to trip

    although i have his number now ammd i called him

    he might be a cool wee dhookup

    tho i already have weed hookups

    dammit

    whaevs

    il be ok

    just feeling grumpy

    and frustrated

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 3:10am

  609. 609: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel blessed to have just got my blood

    i feel blessed to have hypnotic skin

    i feel blessed to have my parents alive and close

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 3:15am

  610. 610: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    S messaged me tonight to confirm our plans for tomorrow. He is such a nice guy and has a great sense of humour too – that’s essential where I come from! ;)

    We’re doing a REALLY casual thing tomorrow and only catching up for a few drinks – not sure where yet. But I don’t want to be out late anyway because it’s my daughter’s second last night at home with me until Christmas.

    So yeah, it should be fun no matter where we end up going!

    In the meantime I’ve not heard a single word from TH tonight. But I HAVE heard from another guy I met online AGES ago who just isn’t my type but is really nice too.

    He’s got a gf now but is insisting we catch up for a drink. It’s all innocent and I am not attracted so why not huh?

    Oh and another guy I’ve not seen in a while texted me tonight too!

    What’s going on???? All of a sudden I have a thousand guys contacting me, some of which I’ve not talked to in ages!

    Last night I was talking to one guy I had a “thing” with a while back when TH was being horrible, and he was my shoulder to cry on. We kissed a bit too… it felt so good to have him there for me. Unfortunately, I work with him too! And last night he told me he avoids me these days because of his feelings for me – he knows about TH too. Argh!

    I am definitely writing a book about this!!

    Hmmm I remember now that I made the decision to unzipper my heart this morning, and while I was on the train I actually visualised myself doing so…

    Could that be why I’m attracting all of these men back in to my life now??

    I kind of like it, although it’s a bit scary. But one absolutely fantastic thing about this, is that even though I’ve not heard from TH at all today (which is really unusual for him), I’m ok with it!

    I suppose that’s what Rori’s talking about when she recommends CDing huh? You have so many men around that you don’t have time to care if somebody drops out of the rotation….

    Woohoo!!! :) I’m liking this unzippered heart thing! :D

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 3:55am

  611. 611: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, well I’m not totally ok with it, but I’m not dwelling on it and getting upset and angry that he’s not contacted me.

    That’s still a good thing! :P

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 4:01am

  612. 612: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oh dear… D, (he’s the guy with the gf who I’m not attracted to) is telling me how he isn’t happy with his gf and now he’s flirting… lol

    I’m listening to Modern Siren now. Reviewing that while I wait for my Reconnect CDs.

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 4:06am

  613. 613: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I might be catching up with D on Friday night for a drink! Lol. This is hilarious!

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 4:29am

  614. 614: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson 593 – It feels good reading your answer. I should have read it before going to sleep! :) It makes me feel really hopeful. If it’s ok to mess up with the right one, there’s a big chance that E is the right one, lol, I’ve been messing up for 5 years and he’s still there! Hopeful! :)

    Tiffany 597 – This feels SUPER good to read!! I haven’t thought of it that way. For me, texting, for whatever the reason was leaning foward, but it’s true that I did it in kind of a cute way plus I know him for so long… And he answer right away and in a positive way! Ahhh thank you for opening my eyes!

    Tiffany and Emerson, I’m gonna have a great day because of your kind words this morning and I’m not gonna worry too much about that!

    Happy Monday everyone!!

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 5:11am

  615. 615: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    But I’m still feeling afraid to go to work. I don’t want to feel any pressure today and I don’t want to hear about P either. Pleaaaaaaaaaaase!!

    I think I’m gonna put ny headphones and listen to the radio or to my favorite music just to avoid the chat of my collegues.

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 5:13am

  616. 616: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW how does it feel now that it is raining men?

    I want to encourage you to be committed to learning something about yourself from each relationship interaction. Something is likely to be said reflecting back to you how they are experiencing you. One of the point of Cdating is the therapy to learn about yourself in addition to practicing the tools. Please don’t pressure yourself to find a replacement for TH. Love is already inside you, no need to find it outside yourself to make you feel better.

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 5:19am

  617. 617: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bored with the rain amd the warm weather. I want snow. It’s Christmas in less than a month!!!

    Snow and Christmas mood would help me to focus on something else than E.

    I can’tnsend feeling messagea to the weather, right?

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 5:34am

  618. 618: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t worry FW, I’m not in a hurry to replace TH. I still feel sad that he may be gone for good and I really need to get over him before I’m ready for something serious again…

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 5:52am

  619. 619: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW well you might not be able to get over him. He has shown you that you can love and that you can open your heart to let another human being in. What might be more effective is if you can visualize making that love for him small and putting him in a tiny space in the back of your heart. Then open up the bigger space left for other human beings. Allowing new people into your life is like expanding yourself and shining your light for the rest of the world to see.

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 6:18am

  620. 620: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bitchy this morning. I have to controle myself.

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 6:57am

  621. 621: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @Lizka #614 – yay! It feels good to know that you feel better about the texting! Have a good Monday! :)

    Monday, 28 November 2011 @ 11:55am

  622. 622: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Subscribing

    Tuesday, 29 November 2011 @ 3:48pm

  623. 623: LizNo Gravatar says:

    Hello,
    Thank-you for the opportunity to share some gratitudes.
    I am grateful for my friend Ashley, who is supporting me through incredibly insightful readings/healings.
    I am grateful for my friend Claudia, who is also supporting me by trading readings/healings.
    And I am grateful for my friend Deborah, who is helping me by trading reading/healings. I am so grateful for my girlfriends and by being with them, I am learning more about my own gifts and loving myself more and more.
    Thank-you for sharing your joy in life Rory and inspiring me to feel my feelings.
    Liz

    Wednesday, 30 November 2011 @ 11:40am

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