Here’s a great letter from Bea that pretty much does my job for me:
“Rori, this is the email I received this morning from “the boy”:
“Hey…I’ve tried a few different ways to write this and then tried to call you about it but then only realized I would fuck it all up so here’s my best. I don’t think I can spend the time I do with you romantically and sexually. It’s obviously tough because whenever I’m with you, I feel pretty damn good but then when I’m not with you I feel bad about feeling that good.
Let me see if I can explain…for whatever reason(s) I feel wrong about being in a relationship with you. It’s probably 100% me, but I just don’t feel comfortable in that idea. So then I spend time with you and I automatically feel the opposite and it confuses the shit out of me but not in a good way. And then I feel horrible in terms of that confusion and it draws me further away from you.
I do feel that we are good friends that can talk about pretty much anything together and I believe that the more time we spend with each other romantically, the more I find myself drawing away from you in that friendship and again, as good as I might feel in the moment, I don’t want it to become that type of relationship.
So saying all that and the knowledge that we have a crazy amount of chemistry together when we meet up, I’m cautious about suggesting that we try and just be good friends the next time we see each other. Of course, you’re going to feel a certain way about seeing me too but please believe me when I say to you that I do really like spending time with you and hope that we can continue to do that as friends (maybe with some time for us to process our feelings).
I’m now re-reading this and hate pretty much everything I’ve said but I feel as if it’s an endless cycle and I don’t want you keep you in the dark anymore. I hope you don’t hate me (or yourself) cause most importantly I don’t regret one part of our relationship…I just feel like this is the best I can come up with going forward.”
My response was: Thanks for the offer of friendship. i’m flattered that you want to be friends but that is not something i’m interested in. i’m interested in you romantically and sexually and i can’t handle seeing you as “just a friend”. i know i would feel bad.”
i’ve deleted him from every social network we’re friends on. And i’m pretty much hysterical.
And here’s what I wrote back to Bea:
Bea – WOW – you ROCK!!!!
Your response here was magnificent, and if you can stay in this space, you’re going to have what you want very quickly. You’ve done absolutely everything right…relish your hysteria – it’s just a feeling covering up other feelings.
Lay down on the floor and process relaxing every single muscle in your body.
Let yourself feel, cry, whatever until you get bored with it.
Every time it doesn’t work out with a man – it’s not right, and every time it happens and you move on, you get closer to your Mr. Right.
It’s the total truth.
You can do this.
And here’s what I’d like to add right now:
Okay – I know it’s gong to be a rollercoaster every day. The hysteria is not going to fade overnight. There’s no magic pill.
BUT – here’s what you can take away from this:
If you can state your true feelings and state your Boundaries – you can do ANYTHING!
It means you can do it again. And again. And again.
It means you can stand up for what you want.
You can stand up for your dream.
You can decide to say No and live with the feelings that triggers in you.
The more you do this, the more you survive this, the more, every minute, you choose to do something that gets you on the upside of the rollercoaster, the more you love yourself even if you’re in the “pit of pain” – the faster you’ll be ready to receive Mr. Right – no matter HOW you’re feeling in the moment you meet him.
You can do this.
I did it, and every woman I know with a great success story did this.
You go from pain to pleasure.
The length of the journey, the time you spend at each stop – that’s up to YOU – and we’re all here pulling for you to keep on your Bridge to your Happy Ever After and respect and love yourself all the way there.