“How To Find Love, Reconnect Love And Keep Love Forever” 4-Week Teleclass Starting Today

Hi – if you’re the last-moment kind of girl (like I am) – and you want to take a chance on my 4-week teleclass – go here to read more about it and sign up!  I’ll be doing these about 3 times a year, and I do them differently every time.

This is the lowest-cost one I’ve ever done, so if you want to take advantage of new stuff, new Tools, new ideas, new kinds of coaching techniques I’ve developed with my clients and group coaching…go take a look:


Love, Rori

(Also – if you’d like to be on my private “event list” to get notices of teleclasses and other events I might be doing or things, books and people I might be recommending, just email my assistant Melanie@CoachRori.com, and she’ll put you on the list.)

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1,551 Comments to ““How To Find Love, Reconnect Love And Keep Love Forever” 4-Week Teleclass Starting Today”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thaks again.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:20am

  2. 2: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Ooh I wish I could take the class. I could use it right now

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:23am

  3. 3: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    I’d love (and need) that class… I just don’t know if I can afford it right now.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:39am

  4. 4: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Aw wish I could take the class….

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:57am

  5. 5: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    FW #1045 previous blog:

    Thank you, you are right, anything right now will go out wrong and blamey. Anyway, smething disastrous happened this morning!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:02am

  6. 6: LolitaNo Gravatar says:


    M and I take the same hwy into the city, he is 3 exits from my exit. Almost in town, who do I see behind me? M! Now this is where it gets WEIRD!!! He ususally passes me or calls to say ‘hi, I’m right behind you’ or ‘I see you’… This morning, I was slower than usual, he’s a fast driver. What does he DO??? HE SLOWS DOWN and HIDES behind other cars and trucks. I slow down more, he obviously is doing every thing he can to not pass me!!! HE IS AVOIDING ME EVEN ON THE FR@AK@N HWY!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:05am

  7. 7: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita you attention is too focussed on him.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:08am

  8. 8: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Oh Lolita, something must definitely be “up” with him. I’m thinking he really needs some space now, after your encounter last week. This is where being a Siren really gets tested. You’ve gotta just lean wayyy the heck back and let him be in order to give him that space…he’s either going to find his way back -or not. A difficult thought (believe me I know) but there is no more critical time for you to step away and not reach out. I feel badly for you because I really know how this feels. Things are great now, but I was there last summer. It’s so difficult.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:11am

  9. 9: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 6 truthfully Lolita looking at your first word I automatically thought there was a disastrous car accident

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:14am

  10. 10: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    FW – You think I am making too much of this? To me, it feels like ‘I don’t want to see you, I don’t want you to see me, I am staying away, I don’t want to think about you or you about me’ or ‘I feel guilty and I can’t face you right now’ or even ‘F#u%k, not her again!’

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:29am

  11. 11: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You are right Lolita. But the bottom line is that he is entitled to that. It is his life. Even if it was your husband he is entitled to think that way. On the other hand you are not obligated to be treated this way. You are not obligated to respond in any way to him. You are not obligated to stay there and be hurt. You are entitled to take care of yourself in anywhichway you choose. Forget him.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:39am

  12. 12: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    Goodmorning Lizka,

    Yes, I did get your post with email address.
    I’m having issues with my email right now.
    I will write to you as soon as I get it solved.
    Maybe I’ll open a gmail email account too.

    Thanks for the warm hug. I certainly need those right now.

    The emotions and feelings have thawed out this morning.

    I am feeling so FK’N DA9N CRAZY ANGRYYYYYY right now!!!!!!!!!!

    I wanta r*p is g0dd3mn face off, rip his c0k off, k1k him in the b8lls and then CRUSH TH3M !!!!!!
    …AND P*UNCH HIS F8CE IN !!!!
    THR0W HIM ON THE FK’N FL00R AND K*CK THE H3LL OUT OF HIM UNT*L THIS FK’N ANGRY ENERGY IS OUT OF MY SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I need to buy a punching bag. I mean it. Stick his picture on it and let it rip!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:00am

  13. 13: Lush_OasisNo Gravatar says:

    Good Morning, Sirens!

    The island seems peaceful this morning. Awesome. I wondered if some of you have noticed / felt / recognized that it seems “easier” to be more in the feminine (Receiving / Siren) state of being with only *some* men and for whatever reason, more in to the masculine “take charge” energy with other men?

    I have a couple CDs that I feel so at peace and happy with being in the feminine mode — feeling messages — no awkward silences, etc. And, from these CDs, I get the most favorable responses; even discussions on committment for the future :)

    On the other hand, I feel awkward around some of the other CDs and feel the need to adjust my feeling messages to just be blunt and to the point. Wow — that feels so harsh, but otherwise, it seems like I’m talking in a completely different language to them that they just don’t get.

    He: Where do you want to eat?
    Me: Ohhh … I’m feeling like Italian for dinner tonight; a nice hot bowl of pasta covered in velvety rich cream sauce with fresh cheese grated on top makes me feel all melty and yummy.
    He: So, you wanna go eat spaghetti or something?
    Me: That would feel fabulous
    Him: Why didn’t you just say so?

    Just something I’m noticing more often, I suppose. I feel kinda silly for asking, but it just seems that the “feeling; cute, feminine” messages stick with some guys and on other guys – ohh — I shiver to even think of speaking that way. I catch myself sometimes, and then I’ll notice him twinge so I stop.

    Thankfully, I feel much more comfortable in the feminine mode. Wow! I’ve made lots of progress to even notice the difference. Yay! :-)

    {{ }} Stay strong, ladies.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:04am

  14. 14: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Let it rip Lili

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:05am

  15. 15: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lili! :( let that anger out girl!! It’s a good thing… I guess?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:12am

  16. 16: LizNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,
    I hope you all are well, you have been in my thoughts, I have a sick boy and we just went to the doctors….just a cold and high fever and a little asthma induced by the cold….
    he needs a lot of attention…
    hope you all have an incredible day

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:12am

  17. 17: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Go Lili,
    Let it all out. Use a pillow put his picture on it and puch away.. Feel the angry and let it out!

    We love you!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:13am

  18. 18: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lush “I’m feeling like Italian” is not a feeling message.

    “Italian would feel great” is what I hear Rori suggest in Reconnect.

    “I shiver to even think of speaking that way” He feels the discomfort in your vibe and I would encourage you to work on this.

    What I suspect from this one is your script is too long. I would try simplier with him. Ask yourself if pasta with cheese on top really makes you feel melty? I am wondering if he is experience this as you trying too hard or being pretentious? That whole message about the pasta I would use focus on while eating and say something like “aaww that feels so good going down. It feels all melty and yummy in my tummy” kind of thing.

    My point is to take a lesson from his feedback to adjust how you interact with him and others who might seem to not get it to you.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:14am

  19. 19: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    liliiiiiiiiii let it outttttttttttt

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:30am

  20. 20: SarahNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies,

    Happy Monday! :) I have a question that I would appreciate any feedback on. I am struggling with how to find balance with taking care of myself and my needs (and not relying on my boyfriend to fulfill them) and not be aloof in my relationship or put up walls? I do I take care of me,but still let him know that he is important to me. For example, I am feeling disconnected from my bf right now. I want to spend more time with him (we are both very busy and don’t always have time to see each other. I want to try to make an effort to spend more time together because honestly I am afraid if we don’t we will grow apart and I don’t want that. However, I know I can’t force this on him. I have said how I feel (in feeling messages), but I know I can’t force him to make this effort. What do I do?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:32am

  21. 21: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Ladies!! Isi ti possible to over do it with feeling messages or could it be the man that is hearing them?

    This weekend I used a lot of feeling messages and his response was “you have a lot of feelings.”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:36am

  22. 22: Lush_OasisNo Gravatar says:

    @ FW #18

    Thanks for the feedback. I don’t have the Reconnect program, but it seems as if it might be another great resource, huh? 😉

    ~baby steps~

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:41am

  23. 23: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Femininewoman 11

    “But the bottom line is that he is entitled to that. It is his life. Even if it was your husband he is entitled to think that way. On the other hand you are not obligated to be treated this way. You are not obligated to respond in any way to him. You are not obligated to stay there and be hurt. You are entitled to take care of yourself in anywhichway you choose. Forget him.”

    i love this so much

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:43am

  24. 24: Lili 41No Gravatar says:



    Ouch! I agree that now it’s more important than ever to stay away unless he comes to you.

    D wanted to step back, pull away and have time to think last spring.
    I didn’t let him. I was calling him just to say “hi” and get some news.
    He came back, but we never made anything clear.
    He came back before he was ready, and I took him back before I was ready to completely forgive…and now look at the result.

    I think he needs to take the time HE really needs in order to be clear about what he really wants and how he really feels.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:44am

  25. 25: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I was crackhead pining for CF but then he called me to say goodnight and again this morning to say good morning.

    He keeps saying “I look forward to seeing you again”

    ummmm, CF, we’ve been dating for 6 months…what..the..hell…are…you…talking…about…?

    LOL, but I just say “me too!”


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:51am

  26. 26: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ 1024- Tiffany (from previous thread):

    Thankyou! I feel so good, and grateful, and happy =) Love to you, darling!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:52am

  27. 27: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Day 8:


    Gosh, well I can’t even express the gratitude and love flowing through me right now. I love me and who you’ve made me. I love the people in my life. I love the men in my life. And I love where I am in my life; where I see myself going. Thankyou! Keep on bringing me more!

    I can’t stop laughing, and I’m really enjoying the moment. Chemistry’s flowing, and I feel so light and free… MedCD is awesome. I love the way I’m feeling right now =) This hot chocolate is so sweet, and I’m enjoying the sight of his smile and laughter, there’s synchronicity…

    The atmosphere now with A feels softer and more intimate… so deep, yet wonderful. It’s like we’re reconnecting after all that time since we first met. This is why I first liked him… And I feel so safe. Such joy to truly connect with someone like this. There’s this sense that we completely understand and respect eachother… how delicious.

    Thankyou, Universe. I do love you!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:59am

  28. 28: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Well don’t you Mochaberri?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:01am

  29. 29: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I emailed you:)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:07am

  30. 30: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    I have not f’n patience whatsoever this morning!!!

    This is just not the day to be having people who are s2cking my f2ck’n energy!!!!

    I’m so angry and out of patience at having to repeat over and over and over again to someone who just can’t get it!

    Why doesn’t D get it after I’ve repeated sooo f_’n many times!!!!

    You know why? It’s not about him!!!! It’s about ME!!!
    and MY OWN THICK SKULL who won’t get it even after I’ve had people repeat to me since 2008!!!! Even after I’ve read it over and over and over on here since last summer!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m triggered by this energy s_ck*ng person bc she triggers MY OWN F’N RESISTANCE TO GETTTING IT!!!!

    While I was with my ex, my bf would repeat to me to stop beating him on the head and kicking him, bc he would kick me back and give me reason.

    I DID THE SAME F’n THING ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!! even after reading it here!!!!

    I WANT TO K*CK THAT F_’N RESISTANT CONCRETE WALL DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:07am

  31. 31: Lili 41No Gravatar says:


    It’s out Starla. Can you hear it from CO ?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:10am

  32. 32: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yes it’s totally delicious, LILI

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:15am

  33. 33: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    Can’t wait for the teleconference tonight!

    Who’s in on it?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:30am

  34. 34: Lili 41No Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:31am

  35. 35: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not in on the teleconference this time but would feel soooo open to doing it another time! Just need to save my money for now:)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:36am

  36. 36: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    I’ll give you some feedback on it tomorrow Starla.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:39am

  37. 37: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yay thanks LILI:)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:42am

  38. 38: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Let me wrap all of you in hugs! I feel sad with you…some of you are going thru some very painful situations. :-(

    (((Siren Island)))

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:46am

  39. 39: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili 41,

    What I do to process anger is to riff it down to what it is made of. For example:

    Why do I feel angry? I feel f-ing pissed!

    Why do I feel f-ing pissed? I don’t know! I just feel enraged!

    Why do I feel enraged? My heart is in searing pain!

    Why is my heart in searing pain? Because he said, “Such and such”!

    Why did it hurt when he said that? It was so unfair/unjust/thoughtless/harsh!


    What I have found across the board for myself is that my anger breaks down to hurt, every time.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:53am

  40. 40: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili, I think it’s great that you are feeling your anger to it’s full extent. I agree with Brenda, try to reframe every sentence into what it means to you and what you can learn from this (painful) experience. (((HUGS)))

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:04am

  41. 41: reneejNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, I have a question. I have a male friend on facebook whose other female friend called me an insulting, crude name with without provocation from me. She has bullied me a few times in the past. I got upset and told my male friend he should have some rules about name calling, and demand she apologize to me. He didn’t want to get involved, so I deleted him. H wants me to come back, misses me, but I told him I couldn’t as long as he allows the bullying to continue. Am I doing the right thing, or will I seem like i’m trying to control him and get something from him? Thanks for your advice.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:05am

  42. 42: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ha! Love it! I was just listening to Reconnect Your Relationship and I had just written my last post to Lili about anger, when Ryan called to ask if he left his keys in my car.

    And he called so quickly after our date!! Happiness!

    And he asked me about dealing with anger! So I had all that fresh in my mind to respond to him! It was just a 7 minute call, but it was terrific how I had Rori’s voice right there in my head, so I immediately lay down in order to be in “lean back” mode, after I checked my car for his keys.

    Yes, I am enjoying the “Be Surprised” part of the Rori Raye Mantra! LOL! Love you, Rori!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:06am

  43. 43: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling throwed

    i feel sad inside
    nd im not letting myself feel the fear

    i feel like i have information and stuff that oculd help; people if only they would listen to me – but they DONT… i still dont know yet how to communicate and be listened to – im STILL not abl and capable

    and anyway i watch and it feels painful to hear

    and i feel so miserable and desperate with my lil information that i dnot know how to heal


    poor me

    this feels awfully unfair and desperate making and heartbreaking

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:14am

  44. 44: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Woooooow! I feel so incredibly to have all these sirens sending me emails today to my siren-gmail. Wow! That makes me feel special and smiley and forget about all my problems.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:16am

  45. 45: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “i still dont know yet how to communicate and be listened to ”

    I think not telling them that you’re judging them and angry when offering your advice/wisdom, might help solve this for you.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:25am

  46. 46: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    YAY Lili!!! Let it out. Get it out.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:26am

  47. 47: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just sit there , watching people i love get beat up by other people i love, and it feels terrible

    and i feel compassion for what seems to me their lil boy lil girl side

    i fee it in my heart

    i t feels sad

    i want to protect them

    i feel terrilbe

    i almost felt like crying there


    chie boo boo’



    i feel soo poor me

    so helpless

    i hate this feeling

    i feel amazied im Noticing this feeling

    heart feels achy

    my stomach feels kinda grabbed and turned too

    my liver



    i feel so sad

    ouch my heart

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:26am

  48. 48: Lush_OasisNo Gravatar says:

    @Renee #41

    Hi, Renee. Welcome to Siren Island.

    I’m fairly new to understanding the whole process, but feel successful in the personal growth that I have done in [relatively] short time; but will admit that I have a lot of learning yet to do. :-)

    I’ll refer most of the feedback to the more wise Sirens, but from my understanding, this is what I’m understanding from your question:

    1) Your male friend “H” on FB is allowed to do what he does as he does it; which means he is allowed to have female (or male or whomever) as friends. It is up to you to accept what he does and see if it fits you. This would apply to all male acquaintances = not just “H”.

    2) If “H” has a female friend that is insulting you … I’m interpreting that to mean the issue somehow exists between that person and yourself (using your friend as the barrier). This feels bad and I would not want to involve “H” in resolving whatever issues exist between this person and yourself.

    3) Suggesting to “H” that he establish boundaries for himself / his FB page for no bullying, name calling, etc. is a very masculine energy idea. If I understand the RR concept though; your requests can be expressed using feeling messages and asking for his thoughts, etc. This returns the masculine energy to him where it belongs.

    What are your thoughts? I hope that helped somewhat … and certainly welcome any other feedback from other Sirens.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:27am

  49. 49: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – ive never told them im angry or im judging them

    im probably just gona stand with my lil heart and healing secret in my hand and watch my heart be broken as they hurt each other until its really broken apart and there is lots of dust instead of a family

    but i think your comment was more like a lil jab at me based on something youre triggered on and assuming im thinking about

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:29am

  50. 50: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I feel your frustration and pain. Maybe this will help. People hear when they are ready to hear, yet your words and love DO NOT go unnoticed. Somewhere inside them, they hear, they feel what you are offering. AND more importantly, you are planting a seed, one which will someday take root and grow. You may not always get to see this, but you can know in your heart that this was your precious seed, and this seed.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:31am

  51. 51: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    “i feel like i have information and stuff that oculd help; people if only they would listen to me – but they DONT… ”


    “…and anyway i watch and it feels painful to hear…”


    And I’ve been at this a lot longer than you… so…
    I’m using what I’ve learned, for myself.

    But it’s helpful to read what’s going on with other people. As I’ve mentioned before. Whether I agree or not, what I read nudges me to think over things… some I’ve not thought of in a while. That’s a good thing.

    And I’m always sympathetic toward women going through difficult times. Considering available alternatives usually presents the solutions. That gets lost if we put all our focus on a man instead of on ourselves and what we want.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:32am

  52. 52: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so how do i feel about that

    i feel stony

    i feel kinda good like – negative pleasure – justified

    i feel kinda angry

    i dont want to be jabbed at or disrespected or judged

    or made wrong for expressing my feelings on the blog or in any situation

    and i feel angry and kinda like betrayed

    but mostly on that i feel a wall of walled off ness

    i dont need to be seen heard, or understood – im not anyway –

    i can just wall off these people not understanding me and trying to attack me

    and i dont want to do that and thats my way of dealing with it for now

    i dont want to take on the feeling of more ouchie boo boo in my heart right now

    just cuz someone has decided to let their judgements take over their communication and perspective

    i Gotta be strong

    im always kicked when im down

    i dont really mind it since im numb anyways huh?

    it feels unfair

    but right now we are in trauma survival mode

    wht if it was ok to gently ease out of trauma survival mode

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:33am

  53. 53: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Holding back saying, “I love you!” is like keeping the fine china locked safely away in the China cabinet all your life.

    I want to open up the China cabinet and open up my heart! I want to fully embrace life with all its beauty and pain in the moment!

    I love you!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:34am

  54. 54: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    if i feel my way out of this numbness, im gonna feel rage

    and im scared i cant handle that

    it will feel worse than this numbness

    this numbness almost feels pleasant

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:34am

  55. 55: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I guess I’ll “mosey on over” to another place with a faster signal…


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:36am

  56. 56: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Dominique

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:37am

  57. 57: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you SLV

    im feeling powerless at home watching hearing my parents fight

    i feel so hangy head sad warm achy heart

    right now im in ‘poor me’ that Margaret Lynch talks about

    i forgot what im supposed to do nwo to heal my poor me, mmm im sure its tapping though

    just feeling swept through by the poor me energy

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:38am

  58. 58: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels so unfair

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:39am

  59. 59: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    My List of Qualities I Want in a Man:

    1. I want a husband who will encourage me to be my best self: spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, relationally, physically, and financially.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:42am

  60. 60: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Renee & Lush oasis – hmm i feel intrigued by this

    i agree with lush oasis, and also take it to a different conclusion

    AND, your walking away (removing yourself from FB from a man that has stuff going on around him that doesnt feel good to you)

    is very feminine and an excellent way to take care of yourself

    another way would be to say.. .”i feel upset about this, what do you think?”

    if he doesnt fix it, and you guys dnot get a negotiation that feels good, then you can walk away as you did

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:43am

  61. 61: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique “People hear when they are ready to hear”. I can only speak for myself but I suspect there are others who might think the same way. Even when people are ready to hear, they are never open to being referred to as “dumbas##s” or “bit##ch”. For me that is criticism and disrespect to the nth degree, so I go no further. After that I no longer see nor hear anything. If I can’t be addressed with basicrespect I don’t want to be addressed. I have said it more than once that respect is important to me and even remember someone else suggesting that respect was not important. If you offer a hungry baby a bottle while at the same time slapping the child across the face I can’t imagine that the child would focus on taking the bottle. It just doesn’t work that way.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:44am

  62. 62: TzennyNo Gravatar says:

    Okay. This is why we need to CD . . . Reading Tori eBook while under the dryer . . . In choosing the relationship, we are making a 100% commitment to be in that relationship. That feels scary. I don’t know him well enough to make that decision or commitment. So I need to keep my options open.

    Brenda, thank you for the hug.

    Lili, let it out girl!!! Scream if it feels good.

    Lolita, you got caught up in a forward leaning motion on the highway. But that is okay. Don’t just lean back, step away and put him in rotation. Don’t get invested in this one CD!! Step back and riff then channel. Remember there is a reason we are CDing. His actions on the road confirmed it. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t email.

    ((((Daria)))))) I’m browsing in my phone and could not read all the posts but wanted to give you a siren hug :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:48am

  63. 63: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Tzenny, FW and all Sirens,

    The problem is we had the exclusivity talk and now I can’t really CD because of it… what do you do then??? I told him (like CC suggests) that exclusivity for me comes before being intimate, and that includes dating if we are intimate… Now I am caught up in it…

    I am also so suprised he leaned back on the hwy as we didnt speak since Friday morning when he left his place to go to work… How can he nt have felt like moving forward???

    I am a bad Siren…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:54am

  64. 64: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Tzenny, we have been seeing each other for 1 year and were planning to move in together with our kids just a few weeks ago before our 2nd breakup. Now we are back since 1 week.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:56am

  65. 65: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I like post 59 a lot.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:57am

  66. 66: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Difficult Communication
    5. Speak in sentences or, at most, paragraphs instead of pages during a difficult conversation. Your partner will only remember the last sentence or two you say and forget the beginning of a long speech.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:57am

  67. 67: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita – Rori teaches that exclusivity is a trap. It is not a commitment. The other thing is that the possibility exists that he agreed to exclusivity because that was what you wanted and he wanted to be agreeable at the time. He could have second thoughts later on. That is all his business, I don’t know for sure. What you know is what he showed with his actions this morning, though to a certain extent you are still assuming. The way to know for sure what he wants to do is to keep leaning back and see what he does. As Rori says, his energy has to keep coming towards you.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:01am

  68. 68: Lili 41No Gravatar says:


    Hi reneej,

    I have the same issue.
    That’s why I don’t go on FB anymore.
    I get too triggered by the remarks aimed at me by D’s lady neighbour.

    Can’t wait to see what advice comes up for this.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:02am

  69. 69: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    M always talks in feeling messages. Rori once responded to a post of mine and said he is ‘outgirling’ me. This is what I found on the site I may need to do:

    If your man demonstrates primarily Feminine energy in his life and your relationship, it will automatically compel you to step up into your Masculine Energy – in order to balance the Energy Exchange and to get things done. Outgirling is reversing that. It’s going “full-out Girl” inside the relationship. This can look like doing nothing, and may result in nothing happening at all in your relationship except sitting around like two girls. It’s the only way to right a seriously unbalanced Energy Exchange.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:04am

  70. 70: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    I admit I started becoming the one to call… no wonder he doesnt call, he probably forgot HOW to!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:05am

  71. 71: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i went downstairs but kinda avoided turned away froma possible hug

    it felt bad

    i felt all exhausted and kinda like “dont touch me”

    i notice i feel that way with men

    yet in love scripts rori has a woman practicing still being open to love

    i feel sad and this buffer layer of fuzzy energy around that feels vague and numbing kinda like a thick donut a thick blanket

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:06am

  72. 72: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “Starla – ive never told them im angry or im judging them”

    ohh you mean people off the blog? sorry i was confused with your near-daily behavior here, my bad.

    btw, no not a jab, it’s a sincere suggestion that might actually help you. your taking it as a ‘jab’ when others are hoping YOU’LL hear THEIR helpful advice, might be an indication of a major energetic projection/mirror or whatever you would want to call it, to address your original question about how to be heard with helpful stuff.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:07am

  73. 73: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita yes. I have 1 that is a major thing with yet he is very masculine in the rest of his life. That is another reason I believe is cdating. I just got a message on the dating site from one of the first men who contacted me months ago. Says he prefer my new picture and that it was a pity I went that route with him original. And Oh I lost your number and forgot your name. I just said what a shame.

    He would call and say he will call later but never called. Then went into sending texts about the hurricane at the time and a few more about “stuff”. For some reason I got the impression that he had wanted me to chase him. Just this morning I had another angry at me. Telling me that if I need to call to show some interest. We were supposed to meet up on Saturday. After his call I called, he did not pick. I sent a text and he said he only just got it while we were talking. I guess from what he said he is planning to poof. Oh well.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:14am

  74. 74: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    Why the h3ll does somebody have to listen to their voicemail on speaker in an office!
    That is so rude!
    I feel like going over there and banging his d8mn phone off!

    I feel my anger in my sinuses. Sinus pressure.
    I would like to relieve the built up anger pressure by swinging a baseball bat at everything.

    My head wants to explode spewing hot flamy molten lava.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:15am

  75. 75: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    1056: Dominique says:
    Ella – #969

    “its because at least with the bad guys I feel SOMETHING, even if it is a whole load of pain.

    I know I am alive. ”

    This is a HUGE revelation for you. You feel alive when you are in pain. I know this one. I’ve been there, and it wasn’t an easy pattern to break. BUT now you know. Now you have something to work with.

    YAY you.



    I wonder when i feel alive…

    looking back in my life the ‘cool’ moments are moments when…

    i was on the street and there was lots of cars coming to visit us at guy who house…

    so when i was being paid attention to… or flirted with guys

    then theres DRAMA moments, like imaginign my sister that one time snuggled up with guywho

    and… when i was being flirted with in front of everybody

    feeling special – feeling paid attention to by a man

    a high status man ,

    in public

    i feel alive then being seen… being evaluated and coming out a winner, a cool one

    and the moments of falling in love, laughing and feeling good to have found an interesting person

    and then

    times of bieng in danger

    of being cool an inluded in the danger stugf

    love to me

    i wanna heal this

    i want to create more moments of my being a “winner”

    and also see if i can feel alive in more varied situations

    what if i could feel that ALIVE feeling constantly

    that is my desire

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:16am

  76. 76: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – that feels bad

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:17am

  77. 77: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry sirens, there was a typo in my name on my last post

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:18am

  78. 78: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel scared and closed off

    i can tell youre upset about something, and im not sure if it would feel good to discuss it right now, or whether i would just be going in a people pleasing pattern

    i acutally feel really angry being talked to this way – that is the truth

    and on top of that i feel a lot of numbness

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:19am

  79. 79: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Love Note of the Week:

    Be radical! Be UNrealistic! This is how you show yourself that you are The Master Creator.

    “The fact that you desire something means it is possible for you to have it – this is Universal Law. You can have anything and everything you want. Believe this 100% and your life will change for the better. Release the details and explore how you would like to feel, how you desire your life to function, and what your day-to-day life looks like… Yes, RELEASE THE DETAILS FIRST…”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:19am

  80. 80: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    CD smoothie is back in my rotation. Bringing me a gift!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:21am

  81. 81: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – that feels bad

    i dont liek ti when people “speak so i can hear” or being judged

    i feel misunderstood and angry

    you have a right to your opinion and perceptino of whats going on

    but it feels bad to me and i dont feel seen

    i feel really angry and numb and stone walled

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:22am

  82. 82: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 80 Tenny that is inspiring me. Now I am wondering if I should let that one who showed back up today in the rotation. hhhmmm

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:23am

  83. 83: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I guess you feel kind of stuck right now in your living situation, and I feel your pain.

    For what it’s worth, I experienced a huge growth spurt when I stopped living with my Mom and got my own home. It is SO difficult to grow and change when the very people who were a big source of childhood damage/pain/triggers are right there in my face every day.

    Even now, I find I have to limit my time with my Mom. I love her dearly, and she would literally give me the shirt off her back. But when I am around her, it feels like going back to the no-mans-land that I have worked so hard to come out of.

    It just isn’t healthy in adulthood to live with our parents.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:24am

  84. 84: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    For processing anger, shame, bondage, etc, I highly recommend this website:


    It is by a PhD in psychology (psychiatry?), Michele Toomey, who used to be a nun! So she has a very unique perspective! She mainly helps emotionally abused women get free of the bondage of abuse. She herself felt abused by the church, who controlled every aspect of her life.

    The more she became aware of the abuse, the more she broke away from being a nun. Her writing is very profound and healing.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:28am

  85. 85: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, Ella, and Dominique,

    RE: #75 – Daria, what you said is beautiful! I want to feel moment-by-moment alive in that way, too!

    Ella, I recommend the book, “Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them.” I read it years ago, and it was very eye-opening for me.

    Emotional abuse felt normal. Being treated like a princess felt alien. And I am still growing.

    Baby steps, right?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:32am

  86. 86: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Lili 41))),

    RE: #74 – Recipe for Anger Chili
    © 1997 Michele Toomey, PhD

    The purpose of this recipe is to give expression to anger without abusing yourself or others. If we are angry, we have every right to claim our anger and to express it. In fact, anger can become very volcanic and destructive if it is swallowed over an extended period of time.

    It will be helpful to you if you will read the following list contrasting violating anger with liberating anger before you read the recipe.

    Violating Anger vs. Liberating Anger
    Violating Anger Liberating Anger
    Has a twist Is straight
    Manipulates the truth Seeks the relief of honest self-expression
    Has a hidden agenda Wants to discover the truth
    Attacks to hurt Expresses the hurt and anger
    Blames and proves “guilt” Confronts
    Is a weapon Is a tool
    Seeks to discredit the other as a person Seeks to expose
    Has no accountability Demands accountability
    Hides behind innocence Chooses not to hide
    Is righteously superior Is adamant
    Assumes another’s motives Never assumes motives
    Needs a villain Rejects villains
    Refuses to claim anything Claims its part
    Seeks to punish Determines consequences for itself
    Uses information to make a case against the other Uses information for clarity and understanding
    Fears exposure Values exposure
    Leads to abuse Leads to intimacy
    Alienates and violates Liberates

    Because anger has such force and potential for violence, it needs to be treated with great discipline and respect. Uncontrolled anger is dangerous and we recognize that even if we don’t know how to control it. Unaddressed and unexpressed anger is also dangerous, and we tend not to realize that. A recipe for setting us on the right track in dealing with anger is, therefore, a very important and very difficult recipe.

    Anger Chili

    3 quarts of perceived unfairness, and/or meanness and abuse, with its stinging disappointment, hurt, anger and outrage
    1 – 3 cups of red hot anger (depending on the degree of intensity that is felt)
    2 tablespoons of “in your face” attitude
    3 – 5 winces of hurt
    2 – 3 loud sighs of disappointment
    2 – 5 shouts of outrage Several flashbacks of similar past experiences
    Many rounds of self-reflection, assessing and evaluating the situation, what led up to it, what contributed to it, your reaction to it, and each person’s role in it
    3 ounces of integrity
    3 quarts of discipline
    As many strong confrontations as needed
    A gallon of demand for accountability and fairness from yourself and the other(s) involved
    A quart of claiming of your part in what occurred
    A quart of urgent need to be understood, to understand, and to treat and be treated fairly
    2 brisk shakes of commitment to interact with integrity and fairness after serving

    Preparation: (Use a large cast iron kettle)

    Bring to a rapid boil the 3 quarts of perceived unfairness and/or meanness and abuse with its stinging disappointment, hurt, anger and outrage. Stir vigorously while adding the appropriate number of cups of hot anger and the two tablespoons of “in your face” attitude.
    Great care must be taken at this stage, because the mixture is very volatile. Flashbacks and outbursts can occur unexpectedly, triggering shouts of outrage that ignite the already hot and flammable feelings. Caution must be taken to be able to handle such volatility without injury.
    Gradually lower the temperature and simmer before adding the winces of hurt and sighs of disappointment. Stir slowly until thickening begins to occur, then blend in the shouts of outrage, one at a time, letting each one permeate the mixture and bring it to a boil, as you add the flashbacks of past experiences.
    Stir continuously to prevent any boiling over. When you are ready, add the rounds of self-reflection, evaluation of the situation, what contributed to it, and your reaction to it and each person’s role in it, including and especially your own. Breathe deeply and allow the steam to enter your system as you pour and stir. Take your time and do not rush.
    As you ponder, combine the three ounces of integrity with the three quarts of self-discipline, mix thoroughly before stirring it into the boiling kettle. Lumps will begin to solidify and it will become harder to stir. Now add the strong confrontations and gallon of demand for accountability and fairness along with the quart of claiming your part in what occurred. Cook for ten minutes, continuously stirring and boiling. When the chili is completely thick and lumpy, add the quart of urgent need to be understood and to understand, and to treat and be treated fairly. When the color changes from bright red to burnt red, it is ready to serve.

    How to best serve Anger Chili

    Set the table with solid commitment to your best effort in expressing your anger fairly, strongly and accountably. Use your best bowls of yielding to the actual outcome even if your best efforts do not yield the desired results: an acknowledgment of the legitimacy of your anger, a resolution of the conflict, a claiming on everyone’s part and an apology where appropriate.

    Invite to the table those who were involved in the situation that triggered your anger, and as you serve them in your best bowls, shake commitment to interact with integrity and fairness on the top of the chili in each bowl.

    Know that your effectiveness as a good self-expression cook is in the integrity of your preparation and presentation, not in the response of those who receive it. We cannot control the reaction we get, we are only in charge of how we prepare, what we present and how we deal with it. Anger chili is a very hard dish to prepare and present. It will take your best effort.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:34am

  87. 87: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I feel really concerned for you…It’s like you’re trapping yourself in a bad place. Like, guaranteeing the patterns will never release themselves from you.

    It’s like you can’t see outside of yourself and see how the permissions you expect to be granted for you are not reciprocated, or even tolerated in benign cousin-forms when it comes to how you relate to and perceive other people. What I mean is stuff like this:

    You go around stomping about how you’re being silenced and bullied, but have the same effect yourself on other people.

    You go around saying you’re being attacked, but the way you go around saying this leaves other people feeling attacked.

    It’s like positioning the same poles of different magnets up against each other and then raging when they never attract to each other. It’s physically impossible in this space for reconciliation of the two forces to ever happen.

    I wish for great healing for you!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:40am

  88. 88: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    Ok ladies I been some thinking about the “man cave” and about how men think and feel.

    This is making me confused…

    There is talks about men allways know how they feel and they get after what they want.

    But then there is also talk about men need to go into their man cave to think about what they want and feel.

    I have read “Men allways know what they want”…but in that case, why do they need to go to the man cave to think about what they want?

    Argh feeling all spinned around in my head, when listing to what diffrent ppl say.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:43am

  89. 89: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria 87, my comment 87 is really about what i’ve experienced here in this forum, not with your parents of course! Though maybe it will help as an extension or a big picture, no idea.

    I am sorry for all the pain that keeps coming up with your parents:( I wish everyone could have peaceful relations with their very immediate family, and love and acceptance, and I have no idea what that should feel like. So then I just focus on relationships with other people. Sigh, this feels tiring to think about.

    We can’t control other people, so how could we ever guarantee peaceful relations with our family, without lying down and being a doormat to them? and even then, they’ll find something to dislike us for.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:44am

  90. 90: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel lonely. I feel untouched. It would feel good to be held. It would feel good to have a man stroke my head and play with my hair.

    Ran into another one of my old CDs over the weekend (WHY does this keep happening?)

    I felt bad for him. I felt very happy to run into him, but I could feel him being all guarded and not open with me and I wondered why he felt the need to be all guarded.

    Later on, he came over to talk to me again, and it seemed like he was feeling better.

    also, there’s this guy who stares at me all the time. He’s really cute, but he never approaches me, only brushes past me in crowds.

    It feels like a game. It feels fun.

    but it also feels kind of irritating.

    He’ll lock eyes with me, and walk past me with our eyes locked, and it feels like everything slows down and he and I are the only ones in the room.

    It feels kind of magical. It feels movie-like.

    But why won’t he just introduce himself? I’ve been running into him EVERYWHERE!

    It feels eerie, but it also feels exciting.

    I feel magnetized to mystery men…does he know this?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:49am

  91. 91: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, talking to you and seeing how you react to me today has brought up something important in me; I feel really curious what you think.

    I don’t know how to navigate “vicious cycle” communications. Like (really dumbed down version of a potential conversation):

    Daria: I feel judgmental

    Me: Ugh I don’t wanna be judged, leave me alone!

    Daria: I feel attacked! I don’t wanna be disrespected!

    Me: *feels blamed for attacking and disrespecting, feeling really attacked and disrespected myself*

    :::Stalemate; cycle repeats::::

    Daria, can you think of any ways *out* of this cycle with another person (or even me specifically)? I feel stumped and it’s starting to feel really bad and it’s just not what i want at all:(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:50am

  92. 92: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – thanks for your posts about the mirror/double standard? /magnets thing

    i Do see that pattern… but i dont know what to do to heal it… other than intend to

    actualy i am healing it by practicing expressing my own boundaries (even while aware i probably display a behavior that triggers others – i feel very guilty and Unworthy of having boundaries therefore msyelf, i dont really deserve it since im not perfectly untriggering to others – HOWEVER… i am expressing the boundaries anyways

    then it will influence others to have their own boundaries (possibly even with me when they feel triggered)

    i feel pretty good about what im ‘doing’ here with this stuff

    i see the mirror – RARGH i feel triggered (while triggering others) all the time in other people in my family, on blog, and in myself

    i think its pretty natural/normal and just a natural lovely mirror thing that happens as patterns become visible

    rereading your post :

    i dont expect any permissions, and im practicing NOT tolerating something

    if i do somethign that triggers someone, i am choosing to accept that about myself (this will be triggering to others who dont feel worthy of doing this for themselves )


    im choosing not to tolerate anything that feels bad (even if it looks like something i ‘did’ – how unfair! how horrible of me to put myself first this way says nv. But i am. and im committed to believing its not ‘wrong,’ its my babysteps to healing)


    im not actually feeling scared myself to be trapped in these patterns forever

    im feeling chill and relaxed imagiing they are healing

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:53am

  93. 93: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    well…Sexy CD has been contacting me all morning..trying to get us together one more time before he leaves…

    my exact response….

    I feel flattered by your persistance…but a little uncomfortable…I don’t feel interested in a hook up :/

    HIM: I respect that

    ME: Thank you :)

    I felt really good about that and held my boundaries…yay me :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:55am

  94. 94: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – yeah, i have some potential tweaks…

    Daria: I feel judgmental

    Me: Ugh that feels scary! I don’t wanna be judged,

    Daria: oh okay, sorry to scare you. im just going through my own thing . i feel scared too – i dont want to upset you and i want to be honest with what im feeling

    Me: well i dont want to be judged

    Daria: ok… im feelnig judgemental myself, but thats all my stuff

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:56am

  95. 95: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    or in a worst case with a really triggered attacky person:

    Daria: I feel judgmental

    Me: Ugh that feels scary! I don’t wanna be judged,

    Daria: uhmmm well that feels bad i feel like all alone and unseen

    Me: (i dont know)


    this is not a “worst case at all”

    wow COOL!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:58am

  96. 96: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly there is always something we can practice when we open up ourselves to the opportunities. I am sure practicing your boundaries help you to feel stronger and lifts your self-esteem.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:58am

  97. 97: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ooohhh….I feel scared….

    my roomie has the day off today…but she works from home so she’s always here anyway…

    well I work from home TOO!!! so I am very aware and considerate of the noise I make…

    I just had to ask her to turn the TV volume down because it’s so freaking loud!!!

    I always feel scared when I ask for things like that…like “OH NO…she’s going to be mad at me now” :(

    but I feel happy that I didn’t just “suffer” through it and NOT say anything

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:00pm

  98. 98: reneejNo Gravatar says:

    @Lush Oasis and Daria:

    Thank you for your insight. I was in masculine energy when I said what I did to him. He probably feels I’m trying to get him to do what i want by deleting him. I don’t know how I can reverse this. I apologized for getting so upset, and said no matter how much I like him, I can’t come back if she is allowed to abuse me. He wrote back, was very nice, said he misses me, but he’ll still get to see me on a few of our mutual friends’ posts, so “it’ll do i guess”. So, basically he’s accepted that i won’t come back.

    Is he not feeling protective of me because he’s not attracted to me enough? I’m wondering if i should go back to show I’m not trying to control him, just deal with the woman myself when necessary, and hope he develops a protective attitude towards me?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:00pm

  99. 99: reneejNo Gravatar says:

    He did stand up for me once a long time ago, against this woman.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:01pm

  100. 100: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    FW…YES!!! it was great practice for me :) and fun too

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:01pm

  101. 101: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel turned off by “s” sometimes like he may not be what I want. I still have my profiles and willing to CD others. But noons has step up to ask and the Guy that did cancelled the last minute. I do not want to get hung up on s again. He feels he has powewo er me. I have not tell him I’m coding because I feel its not his businesses anyway. Still I feel so bleh with him right now…he is playing games and using commitment as a carot for my devotion. I don’t know if he is good for me anymore and o don’t need other men in my rotation to convince myself… once I’m don, I’m done … I want to get married some day, but not if I have to loose myself in the process …

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:01pm

  102. 102: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    FW…what’s going on with CD who answered your questions but you haven’t met yet?? :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:02pm

  103. 103: reneejNo Gravatar says:

    Another thing; the issue can’t be resolved between me and this woman because she is just jealous of me and my friendship with him.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:07pm

  104. 104: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria (and Starla),

    Another thought…when I was still living with Mom and all the explosive, unhealthy, hurtful, enmeshed, codependent triggers were regularly being exercised, more than one therapist, over the years, suggested that it would be so healthy for me to live with a family that had healthy relational patterns. It would be a fantastic role model for me.

    I never did make that connection, altho I came close, and I was so excited about it. It would have felt so good to rent a room for a nominal cost from a family that was full of unconditional love and healthy relational patterns. What do you think?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:07pm

  105. 105: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Misunderstanding happened over the weekend. He came to the neighborhood to his regular hang out and called while I was shopping. I said I would call back and when I did he was already in the basement so the call did not go through. I text but apparently he only got the text this morning. He said he waited for 2 hours upstairs for me so I can’t understand why he did not get my call. In any event I know there can be problems with technology. Unfortunately, he started the conversation asking if I could not have called yesterday. So the regular round of argument started so I just went into saying okay.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:09pm

  106. 106: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @ FW #28 – LOL – yes I do!!! and my response was taht I’m just a gilr and that’s how I communicate is through my feelings and I know that guys like feelings…..

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:12pm

  107. 107: Lili 41No Gravatar says:



    You’re anger chili looks tasty. Will try it out.

    Uh-oh! :(
    After the molten lava spewing outa the vulcano, I feel the flood of tears rising.
    I feel it, I feel the contraction right at the bottom of my ribcage, like pushing up the tears to drain them out.
    Gotta hold that in until I get home.

    Bring it on! I can take it! I can take the ride on the roller coaster of emotions.

    Coz I’m a fearless super siren !!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:14pm

  108. 108: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – i belive that it IS healthy in adulthood to live with our parents

    i want to live with my children when im old!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:16pm

  109. 109: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:


    It can work to live with parents. I think sometimes it can work better though when there have been several years apart. And, also it may be better if parents move in with the kids and have parents/in-laws separate quarters so everything doesn’t have to be shared and everyone can have some independence. Also, to try to keep from having the strong dynamics of it being the parents house and they have the say.

    I moved in with my mother for awhile as an adult after living on my own. I thought it helped that she didn’t then live in our family home so I wasn’t going back to my bedroom from childhood. But, I found that it would always be her house, her rooms, her yard. I needed to keep all of my stuff in my bedroom out of her way and sight. I can understand that, but it didn’t always feel that good at the time.

    She helped me once again gain my wings to move out and on. And we are both much happier now. However, there were some good things about being together, however I feel like I have more of my life going on living in my own home.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:31pm

  110. 110: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    YESSSSSSSS my roomie found a job, this means she is going to be moving out soon!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:33pm

  111. 111: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    He could at least call to find out if I’m OK, the careless b.
    He knows what’s good for him.
    He’s had enough verbal abuse.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:35pm

  112. 112: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yayy Starla

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:42pm

  113. 113: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #107 – LOL!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:46pm

  114. 114: lkNo Gravatar says:

    today i’m going to buy a plain journal & start making a vision book.

    i want to define important words & concepts.

    i want to establish some daily rituals.

    i want to establish some body care rituals.

    i want to sort foods into categories of healthiness, specific to my individual body.

    i want to sort chores.

    i want to play with my expressing my personal sense of style in different contexts (work, public, private).

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal physical body.

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal work.

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal home.

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal financial situation.

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal family.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:47pm

  115. 115: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    REPOST from prior blog (#1034)

    “Good morning Sirens! In my pre-siren days I would take guys away to a B&B for the their birthday, or buy them really really nice gifts, or take them out to dinner. Now I’m totally at a loss what to do for CD Song’s birthday. Any suggestions? Thanks much”

    Lizka (#1040) – I was thinking of writing a poem for him and putting it in a beautiful blank card – but I also want to do something more (I know I shouldn’t but I don’t understand why – fighting off old pre-siren habits).

    Femininewoman(#1048) – We have been dating for 24 days :) He took me to lunch on my actual birthday (day 3) and he came to my birthday costume party (on day 8) and brought expensive wine & spirits (also got a costume so he could fit in with our party theme). I did respond to a text from him and I asked “any ideas what you would like for your birthday?”

    Jilly – (#1051) – It’s my question of the month!!! LOL!

    In my pre-siren days I went all out for a guy’s birthday, and I really enjoyed doing it. Probably enjoyed giving more than some of them enjoyed receiving. But it was probably something in me wanting to make them like/want/love me more – but I like to give to make people happy in general, especially on their birthdays. It makes folks feel special to be remembered.

    Oh, I don’t know what to do as a siren now. . .

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:48pm

  116. 116: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    What a cool idea!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:50pm

  117. 117: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tenny see how he responds to your question. I hope Mel weighs in for you as she just went through something similar though he relationship is more established. 24 days in my mind he is still a stranger. Also ask yourself if you feel you owe him because he gave to you?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:51pm

  118. 118: lkNo Gravatar says:

    oh, thank goodness, starla ! : )))

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:51pm

  119. 119: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    lk in Reconnect Rori encourages us to use the phrase “I intend to …….”. It seems the NVs don’t fight as hard against intentions.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:52pm

  120. 120: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #108 and 109 – What Starbright said in 109! I feel xactly the same way!

    In a perfect world, yes, adult “children” and parents should be able to live together in a healthy way.

    But I know you and I both were raised in unhealthy emotional environments. So at least for me, to live with my parents in adulthood is like living around an old house contaminated by lead and expecting to not get lead poisoning.

    At least two therapists expressed deep concern when I told them I was considering living with my Mom again. I love her very dearly and deeply. I feel sad that she is in a nursing home and hates it there. Even now, I have an open invitation for her to live with me. Yet I feel concerned if she says yes (so far she has said no, for numerous reasons), I would really struggle to maintain the emotionally healthy ground I have gained.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:53pm

  121. 121: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    LILI 41

    I just wrote to you on the old blog not realising there was a new one………………………………

    A punching bag is a great idea, when I was going through sh*t with my ex husband I used to go to the gym and work out my great anger on the treadmill and as I walked out I used to go past the room where they did boxing and go to the punch bag and smack it so hard with my right fist and imagine it was his face, the b**tard!!

    Oh that felt so good to do.

    Whatever helps to get you through the night….

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:54pm

  122. 122: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    By the way Jilly I was sharing with a male friend about how this cd was responding around me not calling. His response was “that’s guy code” and he refused to share with me what he meant. It was just more confirmation to me that I should really lean back and expect to be treated like a princess. Funny enough it seems recently I am getting more guys coming towards me. Last night 3 called out of the blue.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:54pm

  123. 123: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #108 Daria

    You may want to live with your children when you are old, but will they want you living with them?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:56pm

  124. 124: lkNo Gravatar says:


    for CD’s bday (if he’s still around… : ) lol) i’m going to make tie-dye cupcakes & a silly homemade card… like… i’m picturing drawing some caricatured Disney characters who wouldn’t normally interact participating in some sort of innuendo ? : )

    the tie-dye cupcakes are so much fun to bite into & they look really cute in silver or gold wrappers with white frosting : ))))

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:57pm

  125. 125: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    lk, I remember you saying that you like the whomp.

    Some good friends of mine are playing in Denver this weekend and I just love their music (and them) so’s I wanted to pass this on.

    Love and Light in Denver

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:59pm

  126. 126: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman #82

    Let him in if he is going to be nice and do nice things . .. that a new rule for me, going to go write it down in workbook!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 12:59pm

  127. 127: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    can I give him flowers for his birthday if I pick each one hand by hand and arrange them, with little ribbons with poems written on them?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:00pm

  128. 128: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #110- Yay! Congratulations!

    For me, I have decided I would rather have the extra expense than to try to manage living with a housemate. It is hard enough to live with a lover, with like goals and purposes and love together. But to live with another person is a challenge that I am weary of. I am so enjoying my solitude! I love to have visitors, like ID and her daughter coming this weekend.

    But then when the house is empty, with just me, my dogs, and cats, I breathe, “Aaaah!”

    It feels so good to adjust the TV, temperature, light, fragrance, etc, just the way I like it! I feel so grateful to have my own home again! It is such a beautiful house, full of natural light in every room! Well, except for the bathroom, cuz I keep the blind closed, LOL! But maybe I will get some frost spray to cloud the window! Yay!

    Beautiful, sireny, romantic house!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:02pm

  129. 129: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    That is a great idea!!!! I could do a basket of goodies for him, all hand made!!! Do you use food coloring for the frosting?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:02pm

  130. 130: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @femininewoman 119

    thanks for the tip : )))

    i intend to have complete mutual understanding – with myself & in my relationship – that surpasses semantics & linguistics

    i intend to be internally & externally healthy, lovely & perfect

    i intend open communication between myself & the earth

    i intend to release all energy from anger or guilt

    i intend abundance, slowness & ease

    i intend patience & discipline

    i intend unconditional love

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:03pm

  131. 131: Lili 41No Gravatar says:

    Urrrghhh. :(

    The pressure went up to my diaphragm from the bottom of my ribcage.
    It’s now in my heart area.
    I feel it kreeping up my throat to my face.
    My cheaks feel heavy.

    I was never able to get into my body and feel these sensations before.

    I’m gonna go home right now and let it takeover.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:03pm

  132. 132: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, I’ll keep you posted on his response (he is working right now and can’t text).

    No, I don’t feel like I owe him. I really enjoyed spending that time with him and didn’t really even pay attention to the stuff he brought because we were having such a great time. Thinking about how I feel (if I owe him anything), I feel like sharing the creativity and goodness in me with him – which I don’t do for many people except family and close friends – because I feel he deserves it. Thinking about why he deserves it – because I have good feelings for him – because he has feelings for me – because I feel his feelings are genuine for me – and that feels special. But it bothers me a little that I used the word deserved … but that is how I feel. hhmmmmmm gotta feel on that some more.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:06pm

  133. 133: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @tenny 129

    i normally don’t. i like the way it looks to have them seem so plain from the outside & then be brilliant swirled colors on the inside : )

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:06pm

  134. 134: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lili41 Rori says to put your hand on those places on your body and send love to yourself. She says you are your own healer. Put your hand on the body part and follow the feelings around in your body. I have found that helps me to release whatever feeling it is. Be open to realising it.

    “Even though I feel all this anger, I am open to releasing it out of my body”.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:07pm

  135. 135: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Lili – good for you! Feeling the feelings is in your body is a huge thing!! Just remember to breathe. I can only achieve that sometimes, but breathing always kept me centered. Remember to do something you like afterwards – you must.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:08pm

  136. 136: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    what does commitment look like if you are not married?
    how do you know its real commitment and not just a girlfriend trap?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:09pm

  137. 137: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LK and Tenny,

    RE: #133 – I like to put rainbow sugar sprinkles on top of the frosting with the colors inside.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:09pm

  138. 138: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    Ok wow, that sounds unique!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:10pm

  139. 139: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tenny do you expect anything back? What if next year rolls around with him and he gives you nothing? Or what if he gives you nothing for Valentine’s Day?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:10pm

  140. 140: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    I’m feeling the rainbow sprinkles!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:11pm

  141. 141: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Kyla only you can know what commitment looks like to you?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:11pm

  142. 142: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Have I been overestimating CF’s desire to be with me? I’ve had a series of texts today with him about spending more time together that makes me feel a little foolish. i asked him if he was afraid of coming off as pushy, or if he knew that i would actually feel good spending more time with him? And he said he just gets busy and knows I’m busy too but he ‘can be a little pushier, if you like”.

    We see each other like once a week. This is because I’ve stressed firm plans, but I’d like to integrate some supplemental spontaneity.

    on the other hand, i still feel like he’s ‘playing it cool.’ even now in response to my query

    i would like him to stop playing it freaking cool. even when i told him ‘hey btw i know i’ve been complaining about pms cuz my period’s so late, but i took a pregnancy test and it’s negative!” and he was like “yeah i didn’t want to ask but i was wondering…”


    or he gets tears of love in his eyes when he looks at me, but he can’t say it!!

    or he tells me he misses me terribly, but can’t insist he come by and see me???


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:12pm

  143. 143: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i want a relationship where we’re open about our desires, where we can ask the tough questions like HEY ARE YOU PREGNANT WITH MY BABY? lol

    where he can stick his neck out and say “i want to come by and see you right now” and I can say yes or no sorry i’m busy right now!

    i feel sad and stalled.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:15pm

  144. 144: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    yes Femininewoman thats true
    just pondering what the difference is to being in a real committed relationship and ‘thinking’ we’re in a real committed relationship when really we’re just a girlfriend to him? having coffee with a friend earlier i was so stumped by this question!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:16pm

  145. 145: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    I think more than gifts, I expect attention. That may not be good, but I want his attention, his time, his affection – However, nothing for valentine’s day is a no no!!! That would not go over well with me at all, regardless to our respective birthdays LOL!!!

    I’m a holiday kinda girl sometimes. I celebrate them. He doesn’t need to give a gift as long as he/we celebrate the holiday. And I’ve learned to lean back and let him do what he is going to do. Not to make suggestions or drop hints, etc. Most of the time (yes, I know it’s been a short time frame :) ) he come through with nice thoughtful ideas.

    I was wondering about valentine’s day too (which comes before his birthday). IK’s and Brenda’s ideas have me thinking about making chocolate lollipops.

    I digress :) no, I don’t expect any gift giving in return, but I do expect attention/celebration. I could tell him about this one day in a feeling message (when he asks questions about me – he is so surprising sometimes with the questions he asks to get to know me better – always catches me off guard, but I’m always honest to answer).

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:17pm

  146. 146: LizkaNo Gravatar says:


    I’m having a weird day. I feel stressed about not hearing from AroundTheWorldCD (and I heard that a girl from my office hang out with him last Friday and I had a panic moment) and I feel stressed that he will never call back again and that I prepared all these FMs for nothing and I feel worried that it was just for sex…

    But on the other hand, I feel excited about some stuff that happened and I just want to smile.

    I’m feeling smiley and the next minute worried… Strange feeling. I so wish he would call me…

    I will be pretty busy this week so I shouldn’t have too much time to focus on him, but at work, it’s so easy to loose my focus and think of him. Specially that everyone knows him here and his name pops up pretty often…

    I just wish he would call me. Please universe. I’ve been good in the last day and so many times I refocused on me when I thought of him. I think I deserve it.

    Feeling hopeful. :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:23pm

  147. 147: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    What type of commitment do you want? Not looking at what you have, but think of what you want? What is your commitment leading to? Marriage? Children together? Buying a home together? Living together? Growing old together?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:23pm

  148. 148: lkNo Gravatar says:


    “or he gets tears of love in his eyes when he looks at me, but he can’t say it!!”

    oh.. um but i feel this way… i just can’t quite say it yet.

    with other men, i’ve said it feeling how i feel now… but i feel….. if i just wait until it feels “right”…. then something magical will happen : ))))))

    but i KNOW i feel that way…. & i hope that cd knows… i try to tell him sometimes with my mind ?

    maybe cf is trying to tell you with his mind ?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:25pm

  149. 149: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    he is now hinting that he’s been playing it cool, but i feel tired of guessing what it all means. i want out of his head.

    i am thinking of sending a text back, “thank you for explaining:)…i feel sad thinking i’ll just end up like 2 ships passing in the night with a man i think the world of because he was scared to come off as pushy and played it too cool.”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:28pm

  150. 150: lkNo Gravatar says:


    “Have I been overestimating CF’s desire to be with me? I’ve had a series of texts today with him about spending more time together that makes me feel a little foolish. i asked him if he was afraid of coming off as pushy, or if he knew that i would actually feel good spending more time with him? And he said he just gets busy and knows I’m busy too but he ‘can be a little pushier, if you like.’

    “We see each other like once a week. This is because I’ve stressed firm plans, but I’d like to integrate some supplemental spontaneity.

    “on the other hand, i still feel like he’s ‘playing it cool.’ even now in response to my query”

    i wonder if maybe cf was feeling Pressure or Blame in the way you were making Queries ? ……. hmmm & i know if i feel “pms” i have NO control over my tone & i also have a very difficult time reading the other person’s tone or intent….. hm.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:28pm

  151. 151: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my biggest fear is i will settle for second best with another man because what he lacked in CF’s good qualities, he made up for with the level of caveman pushiness i crave as a female.

    i feel stalled. he’s moving. and i told him i didn’t want to sleep with him unless we had a private place to do it where ic ould relax, and this was weeks ago, he said he would find us some place, and never has. we slept together once and he doesn’t bring it up unless i do. i know he wants me, so what’s stopping him, i believe, is not wanting to be too pushy.

    but this is getting ridiculous

    i’m going out with other guys and he is going to LOSE me (and I will lose him, sad)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:31pm

  152. 152: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…I’m not sure what you are talking about 😉 You and CF appear perfect together from this angle!! :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:32pm

  153. 153: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((Starla ))))))))))))

    Don’t feel stuck honey. It seems like CF has the potential to step up the way you like . . . he seems to have offered to be more pushy . . . maybe explore that some more and see what he does? He can step up and it might not look just how you want/expect it to, but he if he is stepping up, it shows that he is into you and wants things to work out with you. Maybe give him the opportunity, what do you think?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:32pm

  154. 154: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    oops Starla…I see…I posted my post before I saw the above post…I get what you are saying :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:35pm

  155. 155: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – I wouldn’t text him that message. Maybe take a few hours to get into your feelings and then text him a feeling message. You are really good with feeling messages, so give yourself some time to feel your feelings?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:37pm

  156. 156: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, i was actually feeling really proud of myself how i asked. it wasn’t rori perfect, but he still seemed a little defensive. i don’t think this is MY doing, i think he’s a defensive guy terrified of letting me down.

    i don’t want to be leading when we hang out. i don’t want to be leading what conversation topics we explore, like our future, like whether I’M FREAKING PREGNANT OR NOT, like the fact that he’s moving an hour away and we haven’t discussed it at all since our hypothetical convo about if he were to move away.

    i feel like i’m in the dark and i’m not okay with it. he can take all the time he needs and i’ll keep dating others, but what if he never gets brave enough to open the conversation? we’ll just drift apart, or he’ll wait until i’ve developed real feelings for someone else and it’s obvious.

    i feel so sad.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:37pm

  157. 157: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    FW @122…wow…guy’s code?? huh :) yay…that’s right…lean back and expect to be treated like a princess… :) and 3 last night!!?? Awesome :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:39pm

  158. 158: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka –

    If you don’t call or text or email or anything, bet he will be wondering why not :) hang in there – lean back and let him come to you – He’s wondering why you haven’t contacted him, don’t you think?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:39pm

  159. 159: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    the question was actually innocent, but only cuz i thought the answer was “yes you’re right, i’m playing it cool, i’ll stop now!”

    silly me and my tunnel vision and projections.

    it’s not innocent anymore so i’m going to stop.

    i was going to ask him to drive me home from a dinner tonight where my DD will actually be DRINKING grrrrrr (and i don’t have a car), but now i feel needy and stupid and unloveable

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:40pm

  160. 160: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Have you ever seen the movie, “Always”? It was made in 1989: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096794/.

    I recommend watching it with your man. She never heard her man say, “I love you”. The key message of the movie was stated near the end of it:

    “The love we hold back is the only pain that follows us in death.”

    It will make your point in a most beautiful way, because it is the whole underlying message of the movie.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:40pm

  161. 161: JillyNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:41pm

  162. 162: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, in your position I would give a feeling message to express how I feel about these things you raised, but that feels so leaning forward. I just thought about it, maybe this is a question you might want to run by Rori because each of my thoughts is a leaning forward suggestions, and there has to be another way to handle this.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:42pm

  163. 163: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    “The love we hold back is the only pain that follows us in death.”

    That is like soooooo beautiful!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:43pm

  164. 164: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla also the thing that came to mind is an email I read that suggested that guys kind of get used to women using sex(pregnancy) as a trap. It is an old trick so I would encourage you to stick by yourself.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:44pm

  165. 165: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #163 – I think so, too! It is stated at the climax of the movie. It is my Mom’s favorite movie, and I gave her a video of it as a gift a few years ago. I watched the movie with her on Christmas Day and on New Year’s Day! It is a perfect movie in my estimation!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:47pm

  166. 166: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    Awww honey, I agree with Tenny. Maybe just step back and take some time to nurture and love yourself up.

    If CF doesn’t step up and you fall in love with someone else, would that really be all that bad?

    The thing is, you would be in LOVE!!!!

    You would maybe feel some sadness for CF, but I’m imagining your primary feeling would be love, because you would be in love!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:49pm

  167. 167: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    omg ladies, i sucked up my “poor me victimhood” attitude about not being able to ask CF for a ride tonight, and i called him and asked for a ride tonight, very simply, “i’m going to a restaurant tonight with my best friend’s family, they’re all going to be drinking and i don’t want a drunk, late ride home, can you pick me up?”

    his answer, “i would be HONORED and THRILLED!”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:49pm

  168. 168: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Im giving myself permission to feel confused … to like “s” sometimes and reject him others. To allow myself not to be sure what I want. I give myself permission to say what’s on my mind even of it comes out wrong … I give myself permission to make mistakes …

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:50pm

  169. 169: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I recommend watching it with your man.” Excellent idea for the storytelling tool. As CCarter says the man in the story will be him and the woman in the story will be you – in your mind – without you having to say anything.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:50pm

  170. 170: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    “Sink down into the soup, through the dark tunnel, and out into the light!” ~ Rori Raye

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:52pm

  171. 171: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you ladies for tending to my query:) I think I will ask Rori when I have the time to type something coherent for her, great suggestion!!:):)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:53pm

  172. 172: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Cake! What do I like better: the cake, the frosting, or THE BATTER!!!!!” The latter! LOL~ 😆

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:54pm

  173. 173: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    ” I give myself permission to make mistakes …” Wow, that’s deep. I would love to be able to do that. Mistakes are a major trigger for me in my life these days. Thanks for sharing that.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 1:58pm

  174. 174: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 170 Great to see you quoting from Reconnect

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:00pm

  175. 175: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel excited, happy, hopeful, twitterpated, grounded, elated, anticipating, loved, loving, free, clear-minded, and wise!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:00pm

  176. 176: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #174 – Heeheeheeeee! Rori is so wonderful!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:01pm

  177. 177: lkNo Gravatar says:


    i keep finding that the more & more i talk about my uncomfortable feelings… the better things are. even when i feel i’m “obsessing” or even “inventing” !

    just keeping the Blame to absolutely Zero.

    & really, i’ve been riffing out loud & it’s amazing.

    one thing i just noticed about myself is that a reason i want to eliminate cigarettes is because when i go a few days without 1 i begin to have spurts of irritation without recognizing them as nicotine withdrawal.

    sorry for that random interruption

    i did want to play with a feeling message….. maybe like…..

    oh, cf. really i feel so sad right now…. i don’t want to blame you or make you feel wrong…… because i really feel amazing around you & i think you’re pretty much the Standard for a Good Man : ) …. but i’m just feeling so scared & i don’t want to feel scared. i want to feel safe & cared-for …. i keep imagining what will happen when you move…. & i feel lost. & that makes me feel horribly sad because i don’t want to be lost from you….. & i don’t know what to do or say right now…. because i just feel sad & confused & overwhelmed….. it seems like it would feel nice to have more plans around seeing each other…. but right now i just feel sad. i feel so sad imagining you moving away & us just drifting apart… & i don’t know what to do. what do you think ?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:04pm

  178. 178: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #173 – I used to feel terrified and full of shame playing volleyball, because I feared making mistakes. I had a major breakthrough the night I played with a wonderful player, the best I had ever seen.

    Each time I missed the ball or hit the net, he was tapping my arm and smiling at me, “It’s okay! It’s okay!”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:04pm

  179. 179: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ryan is so precious! He is such a mix of beautiful things! I saw him so vulnerable last night! He opened up to me as never before! Ah! I loved every minute of it! He is breathtaking, inside and out!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:06pm

  180. 180: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla 167

    lovely. what a good man !

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:10pm

  181. 181: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, ohh thank you for playing with feeling msgs for my situation!

    I am 2 months cig free (not even 1 puff!) but I felt cravings come up last time I saw him. It was an anxiousness trying to find a name, and the name was nicotine withdrawal, but that anxiousness will find a different name next time! It’s not the cigs at all, is what I’m saying. Anyway, CF took me home and rubbed my back into sleepiness, so I woke up craving-free. Awww

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:11pm

  182. 182: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    *so you broke into this man’s home… showed up univited… did not have the key/did not use it…

    as endearing as im sure he finds it to see a young woman throwing herself at his feet and fistfighting for him…

    he seems a very patient and wise man…

    im sure he will not stop pursuing you…

    but it makes it harder for him to get close and build a real relationship with you…

    with all the cute drama and fist throwing


    hes probably chuckling to himself

    about how adorable that is

    and about when his baby will calm down

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:11pm

  183. 183: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda 175

    : )))))))) that sounds lovely !!!

    yummy sirens, nice news : )

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:11pm

  184. 184: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @120: Brenda says:
    “…At least two therapists expressed deep concern when I told them I was considering living with my Mom again. I love her very dearly and deeply. I feel sad that she is in a nursing home and hates it there….”

    There is something very delicious about being the mistress of ones own space even if it’s very tiny. Have you thought about buying a multi-family dwelling as a solution? You could be together or apart as you like. And it solves the proverbial problem of “two women in the same kitchen.”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:11pm

  185. 185: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Wise words from Maya Angelou:

    “I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.”
    ~ Maya Angelou

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:14pm

  186. 186: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    CD Smoothie gave me the most beautiful gift of perfume!! I love it!!! He was gazing deep into my eyes, but not smiling – I saw sadness. I’m glad he didn’t make any mention of CD Song. He seemed hurt in a way, but we are still friends. We’ve been friends for years. He said to me when I broke up with CDex “when you were single you did not get together with me and I been waiting for you not to be with anybody.” But then, when I gave him a chance to date me, I didn’t want a relationship (had the no girlfriend speech), but was open to an intimate relationship if that happened, but he didn’t make any assertive moves, so we just had our dates. He may have been in love with me, and maybe he still is, but he said our friendship means the most to him and he would never do anything to interfere with our friendship. But the hurt in his eyes is almost too much for me.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:15pm

  187. 187: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    More from Maya Angelou:

    “Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
    I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
    But when I start to tell them,
    They think I’m telling lies.
    I say,
    It’s in the reach of my arms
    The span of my hips,
    The stride of my step,
    The curl of my lips.
    I’m a woman
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.”

    ~ Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Woman: Four Poems Celebrating Women”

    Phenomenal Woman

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:15pm

  188. 188: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    *it seems you are abusing this man, bossing and lording over this man… he is probably deeply infatuated with you and finds it adorable…

    hmmm but is it serving you?

    what can you receive from leaning back and remaining open…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:15pm

  189. 189: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    No truer words ever spoken!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:16pm

  190. 190: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Tenny –

    I know. And I’ve been trying all day to convince to do so and I should just use my own advices. But it’s sooo hard!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:17pm

  191. 191: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #184 – I would love to do that! I just can’t afford it. I am doing well to be affording a small two bedroom house. If I had money, I would do that, and I would also hire a private nurse and/or nurse’s aide for her. She has complex health issues.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:17pm

  192. 192: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and me, i realized im scared TO DEATH of women.

    i felt this CA GHEATZA, feeling… like ice

    ice wave went through me

    when i though neighbor’s wife was at the door

    and im not doing ANYTHING

    and everyone i know seems to be jealous of me around their man

    and i feel vulnerable
    and sCARED!!

    in my LIFE!!!


    i want to be able to beat bit*ches up!!!

    im SCARED

    women will try ot jump me around their men!

    jezuz christ help me!

    it feels terrifying to live like this

    i want to heal this

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:17pm

  193. 193: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #185 – Right on! I sure miss my Dad! He’s been gone 8 years. I think of him with great affection, and I feel so thankful we had such deep healing in our relationship before he passed away.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:18pm

  194. 194: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    # 178

    Thanks for sharing that!!! Wow, pointing out it was okay made you focus and stay in the game!!! Love it!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:20pm

  195. 195: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    reneej – i just read your post!

    first response : EW!

    this guy means you NO gOOD… good riddance

    you deserve better and i MEAN that – it might look like im overeacting

    you need to practice letting him go…

    if he shows up again… respond with a feeling message…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:20pm

  196. 196: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    CD Song just text me to call him.

    I was so ready with feeling messages and other stuff I wanted to get out, but then I just listened and he was working himself to ask me out on a date. Oh my, I’ve got to learn to slow it down and receive

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:21pm

  197. 197: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    The goddess self me feels peaceful, confident, relaxed, beautiful, together, intelligent, pensive, creative, capable, sensual, attractive, pampered, and loving.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:22pm

  198. 198: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    daria what does “ca” mean?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:24pm

  199. 199: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    I know – I’m the greatest at giving advice, and the worst at doing what I know I should do!!! But since I’ve been posting here, I’ve gotten better at following through on the sireny thing to do :) Hang in there. Rori’s tools for getting into ourselves work great at these kinds of times.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:24pm

  200. 200: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    This is the Peter Cetera song Ryan and I listened to last night as he gazed at me and smiled so lovingly. I was living a dream:

    Glory of Love



    Tonight it’s very clear, as we’re both standing here,
    there’s so many things I want to say
    I will always love you, I will never leave you alone.

    Sometimes I just forget, say things I might regret,
    it breaks my heart to see you crying.
    I don’t want to lose you,
    I could never make it alone.

    I am a man who would fight for your honor,
    I’ll be the hero you’re dreaming of.
    We’ll live forever,knowing together
    that we did it all for the glory of love.

    You keep me standing tall, you help me through it all,
    I’m always strong when you’re beside me.
    I have always needed you,
    I could never make it alone.

    I am a man who would fight for your honor,
    I’ll be the hero you’re dreaming of.
    We’ll live forever,knowing together
    that we did it all for the glory of love.

    Just like a knight in shining armor,
    from a long time ago.
    Just in time I will save the day,
    take you to my castle far away.

    I am a man who would fight for your honor,
    I’ll be the hero you’re dreaming of.
    We’ll live forever,knowing together
    that we did it all for the glory of love.

    We’ll live forever, knowing together
    that we did it all for the glory of love.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:25pm

  201. 201: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    ReeneJ – Welcome!

    I just read your post, and I agree with Daria. You did the right thing to unfriend him. Lean back and let him initiate whatever however. Are you CDing?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:27pm

  202. 202: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    “When are you too old to have a baby?”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:27pm

  203. 203: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i’m curious about some internal things toward which i notice myself issuing Decrees of Silence

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:30pm

  204. 204: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @SLV 202

    do you want to become pregnant ?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:31pm

  205. 205: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    This Peter Cetera song had played earlier, and he turned up the volume in the car:

    You’re the Inspiration



    You know our love was meant to be
    The kind of love to last forever
    And I want you here with me
    From tonight until the end of time
    You should know
    Everywhere I go
    Always on my mind
    In my heart
    In my soul

    You’re the meaning in my life
    You’re the inspiration
    You bring feeling to my life
    You’re the inspiration
    want to have you near me
    I want to have you hear me saying
    “No one needs you more than I need you”

    And I know (And I know)
    Yes I know that it’s plain to see
    So in love when we’re together
    Now I know (Now I know)
    That I need you here with me
    From tonight until the end of time
    You should know (Yes, you need to know )
    Everywhere I go
    You’re always on my mind
    You’re in my heart
    In my soul

    You’re the meaning in my life
    You’re the inspiration
    You bring feeling to my life
    You’re the inspiration
    want to have you near me
    I want to have you hear me saying
    “No one needs you more than I need you”
    (No one needs you more than I)
    want to have you near me
    I want to have you hear me saying
    “No one needs you more than I need you”
    (No one needs you more)
    You’re the meaning in my life
    You’re the inspiration
    You bring feeling to my life
    You’re the inspiration

    When you love somebody
    Till the end of time
    When you love somebody
    Always on my mind. No one needs you more than I
    When you love somebody
    Till the end of time
    When you love somebody
    Always on my mind. No on needs you more than I

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:33pm

  206. 206: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I have to keep myself busy to stop thinking of him or worst leaning forward!!!

    I’m on my way to the grocery, that feels fun. I love doing the grocery and buying healthy stuff and plannin my dinners and lunches.

    When home, I’ll (finaly!) do my nails, oh! And monday it’s my tv night! Niiiice! Ok I should be good until tomorrow at least….

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:38pm

  207. 207: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    The river of tears is flowing now. :(

    I wish D was here so I could cry on his chest.
    Not to seek comfort from him, but to have him really feel my pain.

    That’s why I constantly beat him on the head w a stick and kicked him around.
    I wanted him to feel my pain.
    All that did was generate more pain and more hurt.

    I have to forgive like never before.
    I have to love like never before.
    I have to give that to him as much as myself.
    Giving that to him is giving that to myself.
    That DOES NOT MEAN being a carpet.
    NOT necessarily to have him back, but to have myself and my dream with whomever that might be.

    I feel like a rejected piece of nothing :(
    I rejected myself by feeding my vengeful hateful unforgiving monster.
    When we kick someone around and hurt them, we only hurt ourselves.

    I learned to stop verbally beating up my family and shower them w love.
    I had the courage and audacity to do it 1st before they ever did!
    I poured out so much forgiveness and love no matter how badly they had treated me.
    and they started to shower me w love!

    Why am I so pigheaded and resistant to bring that to my love life and give that precious gift to myself!
    Why do I insist on giving myself garbage by giving out garbage!

    It’s like I’ve been pulling and pulling and pulling at the root with all my might…but is so deep and strong.
    It will take the strength of Hercules to pull it out!

    I was imagining myself crying my heart out on his bear chest.
    He must be feeling my vibes.
    But I don’t want to dump all my hurt feelings onto men anymore, I want them to feel my love not my pain.
    I don’t want them to keep beating their head on my thick cold concrete wall!
    I want that wall to become a warm soft cushy blanket they can land on.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:41pm

  208. 208: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #202 – I saw a news section showing a 70 year old mother of a newborn! They said modern technology pretty much removes the limits! They commented on how it’s sad for the child, who probably won’t have a mother after she passes away, most likely before s/he is grown.

    I want to have at least one baby. I am making an effort with the Law of Attraction and picturing my back bedroom decorated as a baby room!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:43pm

  209. 209: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria –

    You know, I can relate to that fear.
    Just want to share something with you.

    I used to be afraid of women. I thought so many of them were hateful and mean and cliquish. Many were my own family members.

    I tried to do the same thing they were doing, to hold my own, fight them off (I was around some nasties, really). I was so afraid of them that I was even willing to physically fight them – and I let them know so, because I wanted to overcome the fear. But that was so far from where my head and heart were at…

    Then, as I started to learn my own positiveness, I realized that the “power” I thought they had (this is where my fear was) was actually their weaknesses dressed up in an attempt to make me feel less than them. I was indeed a Queen in their midst and they tried to make me feel less that what I was.

    Therefore, see the reality of the what was transpiring at that time, I was the more powerful woman there because I found the balance between being a woman and dealing with others – that is, that beauty is SUPPOSED to be positive and glowing and womanly and sexy and wonderful and lovely. Not mean, evil and nasty. There is no power in the negative for a Queen.

    So I realized that those women I had to be around all day, they were the ones who could not muster any positiveness – they could not rise to be Queens until they learned what I KNEW.

    So – in the true light of day, they were weak-minded “crabs in a pot.”

    And then, guess what? I started to recognize other women like me instead!!! Positive, upbeat, on the move . . . and it was beautiful because that fear was replaced with admiration.

    Like here, on this blog. I have admiration for you, and for everyone else (Rori too!) because you are honest and smart and have beautiful souls and you share that all with everyone here, giving advice, sharing experiences, etc. Queens!

    Don’t know if that helps, but wanted to share it.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:45pm

  210. 210: lkNo Gravatar says:

    dollars – sources, applications, availabilities

    clothing – honor & self-valuation

    gender roles – in private & in public

    education – of children & of adults

    labor – community & purpose

    home – structure & sacredness

    marriage – symbols & law

    food – life & desire

    time – discipline & magic

    spirit – continuity & nonexistence

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:50pm

  211. 211: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    He is not worthy, even of your pain, not even of the pain he deserves for hurting you.

    He is spineless and not worthy of you, he doesn’t even deserve to share the same air you breathe.

    Someone told me a long time ago that everyone who does you wrong has something coming to them, and you don’t have to lift a finger to make it happen – Just sit back and watch it happen to them! D will suffer, and you don’t even have to be near him for it to happen. Trust me, this is sooooo true.

    In the meantime, let the tears flow, and feel better and stronger. You don’t need him for anything. You did a fabulous job of handling this situation – now keep him out, where he belongs.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:51pm

  212. 212: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    inima-n dinti – take my heart in my teeth

    its a thing we all subconsciously learn to do in my culture

    its thats why my teeth tingle and get tight

    its like tightening your heart for a moment so you can do something scary

    like jump in a cold river

    thats why sometimes when im scared – i UMPH

    tighten it up in my teeth and pull myself up like defensive

    but im SHuT DoWN in my heart

    so its no compassion

    just fairness and ruthlessness

    all from the head and the proud of the body and spine

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:52pm

  213. 213: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    but my heart is actually SOOOO Vulnerable

    i feel scared ALL THE TIME


    and i feel sad for myself

    im like a scary rabbit


    i love me


    aww i feel poor me


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:53pm

  214. 214: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its actually kinda cute!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:54pm

  215. 215: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Does any Siren have a good FM idea for when M finally calls? I don’t think I can mention the hwy thing.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:54pm

  216. 216: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    That’s beautiful Tenny. :)

    That goes to show: No one else can make you feel less than, only you can do that to yourself.

    Hourray for finding your way!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:54pm

  217. 217: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i learned how to “soldier up” hehe and take my heart in my teeth

    i thnk bracing myself like that does help jumping in an icy river tho… maybe… so i dont burst my heart

    or when stealing… so my vibes dont give me away if im scared?

    but then i gotta release the energy///????



    relaxing and flowing feels way nice

    this heart in teeth is like just for jumping!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:56pm

  218. 218: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    # 177

    Wow, I really liked your proposed feeling message!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:56pm

  219. 219: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Lolita 215

    why not ?

    i’d DEFINITELY say, aww hi it’s nice to hear your voice…. i saw you on the hwy & actually it felt like i was being ignored & i felt so sad & humiliating like being excluded by kids at recess or something… really sad & lonely…..

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:57pm

  220. 220: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    (((LILI))) you deserve so much more. I cant imagine your pain from walking in. Be strong and we are here for you. It’s still fresh but I know you will heal.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 2:57pm

  221. 221: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    LK, I am afraid if I mention the car thing it will create a bigger gap between us. I want to be positive and open. I don’t want to mention it on the phone. I would prefer something about feeling lonely he didn’t call all weekend.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:00pm

  222. 222: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, Lolita, post how you feel and I will work on it. Gotta run out for a few. I’ll post when I come back. But I’m sure other sirens will have some good FMs for you too.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:03pm

  223. 223: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Um Lolita, include how you feel about the highway incident today too in your feelings, let’s at least explore it, okay?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:04pm

  224. 224: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everybody! Sorry I’ve been MIA and I haven’t even caught up on the last post yet (I think I got to #668 or soemthing).

    Lili, I’m not sure what happened, but I just want to send you a HUGE (((HUG))), cos I can clearly see you’re hurting about something.

    Thinking of you and hope you’re ok.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:05pm

  225. 225: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    I wish I could help you.
    I don’t feel inspired at all for FMs right now.

    My FM to M would be “I feel like kicking you in the nu7s hard enough so you see stars”

    Please don’t use that. lol

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:05pm

  226. 226: tennyNo Gravatar says:



    Thank you, it was a rough time period – I just had a flashback :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:07pm

  227. 227: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    # 225

    OMG, you made me laugh!!! I’m feeling that one honey!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:08pm

  228. 228: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH has lent me his bluetooth keyboard that he bought to use with his iPad. I’m using it with my phone and it’s GREAT! I can type on my phone properly! 😀

    Things are great here right now. TH is still “living” with me (two months it’s almost been!), I’m feeling really happy, and life is just good in general.

    Oh and after ditching that job I didn’t want the other day, I’ve potentially picked up at least one more that is more in line with what I want to do, so yay!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:08pm

  229. 229: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Hi BW !!!

    I missed you so much.

    Remember our same situations?

    You took the right turn and I took the wrong turn.

    Please read it on the last thread starting on Sunday morning.

    I really want you to read it all so you can see how you went on the right track of forgiveness and trust.
    I also want you to stay there on that right track.

    Reading the result of me staying on the wrong track will strengthen your position on the right track.

    I love you BW and want you to keep giving yourself the best as you are doing.

    You have it perfectly right Siren!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:11pm

  230. 230: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita and LK,

    RE: #219 – I like LK’s feeling message. But I would save it until I am with him in person.

    I used to give “negative” feeling messages like that to Ryan, and it just kept him away. I think he needs to feel welcome first, then get together, then share yucky feelings.

    What do you think?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:15pm

  231. 231: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: @224 – Good morning! :-)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:18pm

  232. 232: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling tired.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:20pm

  233. 233: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili and Lolita,

    RE: #224 – ““I feel like kicking you in the nu7s hard enough so you see stars”” LOLOLOLOL~! 😆

    Or how bout, “Hey, bastard, WTF were you doing hiding from me on the highway? Jacka$$! Yellow piece of sh1t! I’m here dying of suffocation while you are away, and you hide from me?! I hate your guts!”

    I really think we should write our own scripts and start our own website on have the relationship you want! I think our feeling messages far outdo Rori’s, LOL!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:22pm

  234. 234: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    LILI, that’s so funny and it’s pretty much how I feel right now. I totally understand you can’t do FMs right now too with what is going on in your life.

    LK, Tenny, butterflywings, Brenda, and all other Sirens:

    It feels so good hear your voice right now because I felt so forgotten this weekend after feeling so close last week. I feel I miss you and it feels bad when I don’t hear from you everyday…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:22pm

  235. 235: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #228 – Yay for you! You go, girl!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:23pm

  236. 236: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #234 – Lean back skills are tuff for me, as you all well know. And I have been using a tremendous amount of energy to not contact Ryan. And now he is finally coming back my direction!

    Even tho I have not done this much, I really think it is worth the effort. An in between way to handle it is, next time he contacts you, “I feel confused.”

    Him: Why?

    Lolita: I feel so happy to hear your voice, and I feel kind of neglected, too.

    If it were me, I’d start fresh on the phone and not bring it up at all. Or again, wait until I was in person.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:29pm

  237. 237: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    lolololololol Hihihihhiii hahahaaaahaha!!!

    I’m laughing my head off! 😀

    Why don’t we just shoot out the honest hearfelt feelings, and then translate in FMs?

    I mean it’s just us here. So why not rif off.
    Who knows, might be easier to translate in FMs?

    I’m going back to read your post Brenda, it’s hilarious! 😀

    Ahh feels so good to laugh right now.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:32pm

  238. 238: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #237 – LOL, it’s fun! Ok, I’ll translate this one into feeling messages:

    ““I feel like kicking you in the nu7s hard enough so you see stars”” LOLOLOLOL~! 😆


    Or how bout, “Hey, bastard, WTF were you doing hiding from me on the highway? Jacka$$! Yellow piece of sh1t! I’m here dying of suffocation while you are away, and you hide from me?! I hate your guts!”


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:36pm

  239. 239: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, you’re probably right – I don’t want it to create a long discussion on the phone and also I can’t see his reaction.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:37pm

  240. 240: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I just got back from the doctors and he finally just looked at me and said that we can’t keep doing this you need to get a hysterectomy. I feel so scared. I feel like there’s this giant ball of anger and fear just resting in my throat and I can’t breathe. I feel ignored and unsupported by people around me. It even felt like LP was shunning me. My little girl needs to be held while the tears roll down my face, but I’m all alone like a scared abandoned puppy.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:38pm

  241. 241: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Brenda, I’m still laughing out loud at that!

    Thank you so much! xox

    Hahahaaaahhhaaahahaha, hihihihahahahah!!!!! 😀

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:39pm

  242. 242: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – #61 I’m not referring to this. I’m talking about when others offer support and what they feel strongly are good ideas that will help, and this is not heard, or it can even be rejected.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:39pm

  243. 243: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    I had an experience yesterday that felt pretty enlightening in the spirit of learning not to lean forward. In the morning through my work I met a famous athlete who is single and hot! after the morning’s work, he said he’d enjoyed himself so much and asked me to join him and his friend for lunch. yey! I joined and had a lovely lunch and used some feeling messages. During lunch my girlfriend text me and I said she could come and join us. After lunch, he waited at the bar with me and bought me a drink until my friend arrived. I was leaning back, being feminine…and especially so since he is fairly well known. My girlfriend arrived and was in TOTAL BOY! I felt so embarrassed by how forward she was leaning, I felt it reflecting on me too! he did ask what we were doing for the afternoon and I said we’d be in the area and to feel free to text us later…my friend jumped in at this point and practically begged him to contact us! then he asked what we were doing for dinner and I said i wasn’t sure yet….again my friend started saying things like “yes yes call us, let’s go for dinner ” etc etc during the goodbye, he said “maybe i’ll see you girls later” and again my friend jumped in and said ” yes, text us” aaaagh i wanted to scream! After he left, i informed my friend that i’d found her approach a bit aggressive since he’d already expressed interest in seeing us. I heard nothing from him again and at 6pm there was such a beautiful sunset so i stupidly leaned forward and said ” look out of your window there is a beautiful sunset :)” i got no reply and never heard from him again! lol gulp i feel ick and breathe, leaning lessons! haha

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:42pm

  244. 244: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    (((((Sun Goddess)))))

    They may not be ignoring you, they may really be holding back not to trigger your bad feelings or emphasize them.
    They do love you. They’re surely just doing it in the way they think is best for you.

    We are here for you, just tell us what you need.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:43pm

  245. 245: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I have a local disaster it feels like :(

    My sick guy texted me at 6pm today.. I was ready to cry already. He said: Hi, when can you meet? Where? What kind of food?

    I replied very warmly and said XX area, french or Italian would be nice, thank you.

    He: Did Italian. My piano. YY area (where he lives)


    I said: Would you like to talk over the phone?

    25 mins later, just now, I got a text with the address of a fancy restaurant next to where I live.

    I am all nerves and felt like crying 3 times already in the past hour. What is this??

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:44pm

  246. 246: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    (((SUN GODDESS))) I am a mother too, I know how you feel about your little girl crying while you are facing this kind of situation and feelings.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:47pm

  247. 247: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – sounds like you’re doing great!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:48pm

  248. 248: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, when you meet him, let him know “it feels good to be finally connecting with you, and gosh i felt a little overwhelmed trying to keep up with the planning. i feel so much more relaxed when there are firm plans in advance — what do you think?”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:48pm

  249. 249: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    MEMULO, I don’t get his texts. What is the My Piano???

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:48pm

  250. 250: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    You know my mom told me today that I need to do what is best for me and stop worrying about what others thought. I stopped for a second and realized that I don’t know what that feels like to just worry about me. I mean I started doing nice things for me in small doses but I don’t know how to just say it is all about Sun Goddess until she gets better. I worry about my little clients, taking time from work, my own children, my exhusband and his stuff, and now Im all worried about why LP is treating me like this. I want so bad to pick up the phone and say “what the hell LP you promised you would call me 20 mins ago but instead you’d rather me hurt alone all by myself.”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:49pm

  251. 251: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I had a long, busy day at work today… and feel relieved to be staying in tonight. Girls are doing homework, I’ll start dinner in a few. They want breakfast for dinner, so easy since I have homefries and bacon already cooked and in the frig. from yesterday. I feel like having my fettucini alfredo chicken and a salad, also already made…. so quick and easy and yummy and delicious. Brenda, so happy you had a nice evening with Ryan. Enjoy the feel good moments, and remember to focus on yourself! I’m glad you feel good and motivated to lose weight. My nephews wedding is in May, and I’m using that as my goal date to lose 25 pounds! I found myself daydreaming about my ex a few times today, special moments from the weekend, and that felt warm and special. But, I also found myself remembering a lot of words here about how they can do all this great stuff, and it still doesn’t mean they want to marry you. What I feel good about, what I can control…. is that I won’t lean forward, I won’t overfunction, I will focus on what makes me feel good and happy, and my growth. I will make the changes I want to be my best self, for me. Maybe he’ll notice and appreciate that, maybe he’ll notice my not overfunctioning… still doesn’t mean that he’ll want to get back together, and I am ok with that. because I’m not doing the work to get him back, I’m changing and growing to be my best self for ME. I hope there will be an amazing man in my future…. and I feel sure there will be opportunity with him, but if not him, someone better as LG said.

    Universe, bring me him, or something better! :)

    Off to fry some eggs. Hugs to you all!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:50pm

  252. 252: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Turquoise, nice to see you:):):) hugggssss

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:51pm

  253. 253: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I am underneath this rock that no one wants to take the time or effort to move to see if I am still there. I’m drinking all alone because I don’t know what else to do right now.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:51pm

  254. 254: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm sooooooo

    i felt all freaked out and just like i was talking about on blog


    and practicaly chased me

    haha and i feeling messaged her

    i said I FEEL SCARED

    and then i told her i havent messed with him since he’s been married and i used to talk to him a long time ago since way before he’s had his First child
    and thats all

    then he got in and interfered


    it feels amusing like he’s got all these ‘wives’ to protect

    he is funny

    i felt so scared


    i am now numbing it out

    and making myself sound shallow egotistical callous and narcissistic

    and actually there was a lot i felt so good about



    i did SOOOO much tools

    i could FEEL the fear

    i am so terrified of ALL women aroudn men

    and this was HUGE for me to heal it

    and im so glad im not doing THat anymore

    if they break up soon

    yum yum

    i bet neighbor man will come running to my arms

    and i dont WANT to compete


    this felt CRAZAZY

    and i survived!


    it felt soooo scary

    im not able to tell you guys how i really felt cuz i got a wall

    to tellign my deep emotionsa bout this story

    i feel too vulnerable

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:51pm

  255. 255: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Well MWC came in while I was working today.

    He wasn’t working, I think he came in specifically to see me.

    He brought me some chocolate (well a chocolate egg).

    And he asked me whether we could talk online tonight.

    I felt unsure and in the end I agreed.

    So tonight between Zumba classes, I was thinking about stuff and I felt quite peaceful and was exploring how I felt about the situation, and I jotted down some scripts.

    And now I really want to say them but he is not contacting me online!


    Oh well.

    I am feeling kinda ok with stuff.

    He is just a CD, and not even really an active one…

    So there is nothing much to focus on or get hyped about.

    I can just treat him like all CDs and express as I go along.

    I don’t have to agree to dates if I feel worried or unsure.

    And at the moment he has not asked me on any proper dates anyway, only last minute invites to his house which I have said no to.

    Feel annoyed that he is not online though after making a point of wanting to talk to me there tonight.

    And in other new Niceman CD is still being nice… and I have 1 other CD although we haven’t had a real date yet, and guess who showed back up with missed calls but no message to call him back as yet.

    CD1 from months ago!!!!!!

    So that is J and CD1 who have got back in contact in the last couple of weeks.

    Oh J IM-ed me the other day too, and we chatted.

    He asked to meet up but then didn’t call.

    Lol, nothing changes ! :-/

    And in still other news I have still not had any alcohol.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:52pm

  256. 256: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    La la la I’m not thinking about AroundTheWorrld… Ok I am…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:52pm

  257. 257: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    @245 ugh memulo that feels a it icky to me too, but i believe this is something you can turn around by approaching it in the right way. Maybe a simple reply along the lines of “thank you for the address, great choice, i love that restaurant. i’d feel much more comfortable being picked up and going together though…if that’s possible”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:53pm

  258. 258: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and universe, bring him when I am ready…. not too early, as I don’t want to slip back into old habits and tendencies…

    I don’t want to overfunction
    I don’t want to pressure
    I don’t want to nag

    I want to receive goodness and happiness
    I want to inspire him to give to me: time, love, affection, attention, romance, humor, friendship and strength
    I want to respond warmly and with feeling messages to share my point of view.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:54pm

  259. 259: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and universe, bring him when I am ready…. not too early, as I don’t want to slip back into old habits and tendencies…

    I don’t want to overfunction
    I don’t want to pressure
    I don’t want to nag

    I want to receive goodness and happiness
    I want to inspire him to give to me: time, love, affection, attention, romance, humor, friendship and strength
    I want to respond warmly and with feeling messages to share my point of view.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:54pm

  260. 260: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and universe, bring him when I am ready…. not too early, as I don’t want to slip back into old habits and tendencies…

    I don’t want to overfunction
    I don’t want to pressure
    I don’t want to nag

    I want to receive goodness and happiness
    I want to inspire him to give to me: time, love, affection, attention, romance, humor, friendship and strength
    I want to respond warmly and with feeling messages to share my point of view.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:54pm

  261. 261: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam – i hope so!

    i hope they and their children and my great grandchildren all want to live with me!


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:56pm

  262. 262: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    You’re so incredibly cute Sunshine Lizka :)

    La la la…I’m not thinking about D…Ok I am… thinking about kicking him in the nu7s so hard he sees stars.

    Hope you don’t think I’m making fun of you Lizka. It’s just that Brenda just got me on this laughing giggling train.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:58pm

  263. 263: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am now feeling very sad!

    actually Silver Moonbeam – that felt heartbreaking!!

    i wish for every woman who wants it beautiful deep family and old life with joy and connection and roots and webs and beauty and health and rich heart warmth

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:58pm

  264. 264: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #241 – LOL! Made me laugh, too! Glad it helped! Better to laugh than scream, eh? Laughter is the best medicine!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:58pm

  265. 265: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Godess.

    I hope you are ok.

    We are here if you need to chat about anything.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:59pm

  266. 266: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel traumatized

    im at the library

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:59pm

  267. 267: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    I’m at work right now and supposed to be working (oops) but had to catch up on what was happening Lili. And OMG!!!!

    Lili, my heart goes out to you and at the same time I want to congratulate you on how well you handled that! Wow. I’m pretty confident I would have yelled, screamed, etc etc etc rather than handle it as maturely as you did. Wow. Wow. Wow. And an even bigger (((HUG))) to you girl!

    Looking at your comment #885, I can see that the trust thing is HUGE. Like I was thinking back in early December, if I keep not trusting him, he’ll give me a reason to not trust him. So with TH I chose trust. But it’s not easy, and you obviously have some more healing to do before you can open your heart to trust again – especially after THIS!!!

    It’s times like these I wish I lived over there so we could hang out and you could just “let it all out”!


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 3:59pm

  268. 268: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i felt all worthy but now coming on blog i feel unworthy!


    i dont even feel safe to talk about my feelings!

    thsi woman CHASED me out!

    and it was just the kinda stuff that i felt triggered about earlier!

    it feels TERRIFYING

    i felt SO SCARED

    and i stayed with my feelings

    and instead of turning and fighting

    i RAN

    and then

    instead of waiting for her to hit and me hit her back

    i said

    i FEEL SCARED!!!

    and then she kinda calmed and said

    oh i just wana talk




    and now i wanna do something fun and im in the library and im feeling rather sad

    and i want to do my tapping on 3rd chakra…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:01pm

  269. 269: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Sun Goddess))),

    What are your options? Talk to us. Drinking is a poor substitute for reality. There are no problems. There are only creative solutions.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:01pm

  270. 270: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for your support! Yes Lizka when I saw ‘My Piano’ it almost felt like he was inviting me to his piano??? Lol)

    Since then he called me twice.. change of a restaurant. Starla, I already used your ‘firm plans in advance what do you think’ line last night! his response was beyond sincere and made me feel like a bad person to even mention it.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:02pm

  271. 271: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Helloooooo Brenda! I will respond to your email a bit later but just wanted to send you a huge “YAY!!!”.

    Congrats on staying strong and leaning back! See what happens?? 😉 So happy for you. xxx

    Will catch up on other posts later – I REALLY have to do some work!! Love to you all. xxx

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:02pm

  272. 272: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    I feel much better after a good cry earlier.

    On my way home from work, I put on the Adel CD to help unblock the tears.
    She has great songs to cry to.

    Brenda, thanks again, you really did make me feel better even if we were using abusive language…it’s just between us Sirens anyway, we get each other.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:03pm

  273. 273: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am imagining no one on here will give me any support cuz they are judging me or else cant ‘hear’ me because im jduging msyelf

    so i just want to for the record




    and wow






    you are amazing daria


    amazing for RUNNING!!!

    who wouldve thought!

    id be giving me props for RUNNING!!!

    for honoring my vulnerable heart instead of my dominating pride!

    my heart said

    i dont want to fight!


    this won’t feel good!!

    i want to huddle up and be cozy and warm and loving

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:03pm

  274. 274: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Awww BW,

    You’re such a tease. lol

    Looking forward to seeing you soon! :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:06pm

  275. 275: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ! look Daria! you got attacked by a woman just like you were triggered about!!

    isn’t that WILD!!!

    wow you knew it all along!! you saw it coming!

    and you healed some of it!1

    you felt the ICE WASH OF TERROR

    and you OBSERVED yourself feeling it

    you got as open as POSSIBLE

    and you honored yourself

    instead of the voices telling you what people would THINK

    and you healed as much as you could!!!


    and you also feel kinda sad


    ‘it coulda been better’


    that feels bad

    i feel sad

    i feel LONELY now

    thats why

    *I* fel jealous








    :( :( :( :(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:06pm

  276. 276: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Chickies
    I am back after a weekend with my LD. He travels most of the month but I give back by traveling at least once a month.

    When I arrived at his home, it seems I was already ill with the flu…unbeknownst to me when I started the drive…..maybe picked it up from my kids the week before…or him…..by the time I saw him I was shaky, chilled and nauseated. I barely managed to drive the last hour.

    When I arrived…he did not hesitate one bit……he took one look at me…brought me in….covered me in blankets…got ice and water and anything under the sun so I could feel better…..he held me close….he was truly a knight in shining armor..

    Now i am not one to get sick often. I am not one to complain…..but there I was sick as a dog….and helpless…..this man I met only 6 months ago was a true gentleman….even as I tossed my cookies (which for those who don’t know means get sick to your stomach), not once but three times…he was there with a cold cloth for my head and to hold my hand…shivering through the night……he did not leave my side except to go into town for a minute to get things he didn’t have on had so that I could feel better……I felt so much better after 24 hours and we were able to go for a winter walk two days after I arrived…..

    not the visit I expected…..but the universe does these strange things to show you what people are capable of…….how they will how you love…

    I am so loved by this man……

    I can only thank the universe for crossing our paths……I am so looking forward to sharing more time with him……..no matter what it brings!!

    to me this is real love. It may have take me most of my adult life to find it….but it is unlike anything I have ever experience before…..


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:07pm

  277. 277: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    I wanted to update on my amazingly wonderful weekend with newmanpotentialCD who i’m now re-naming luckyCD as that feels similar to his real name!

    On Saturday he took me to the country mart for chicken lunch and then we drove out to the beach, he wanted to buy me a gift in the very cool store and normally i would have such a problem receiving a gift from a man so early on, but I chose to just tell him ” oh no, i feel embarrassed ” but he insisted so I received it! I told him later that i felt a little uncomfortable receiving such a gift but he said not to be silly and that he wanted to. Then we walked to the beach and we watched the beautiful sunset together – he held me tight and in the evening we went home and out for dinner with his friends. i didnt want to stay at his house bc I want to take things slow and i had work on sunday, but he really wanted to take me home and cuddle for an hour so eventually I caved in. we ended up being a little bit naughty but did not have sex……..i want to wait a while longer before having sex with him and i’m feeling so happy with how its all going, but i’m feeling a little dread about that conversation where i must tell him that i don’t feel comfortable to have sex yet. he is being such a sweetheart tho. and at the sunset he said “if we watch this sunset on the beach, we may as well just be done and call it girlfriend/boyfriend” and i just said ” oh silly there’s a sunset everyday, we don’t have to put any pressure on it! 😉 haha” i’m also dreading the no girlfriend conversation…..both of these are coming soon and i feel scareddddd!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:08pm

  278. 278: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeeling upset!!!

    you dont deserve LOVE

    only a certain OTHer person is in the “get love” “get support” “get attention” place now

    and you didnt give them their turn so you dont get yours

    y ou paid attention to YOUR feelings instead of THEIRS



    and i re FUSE to give you attention

    until you give them their turn









    andit was just like i pictured the woman in my triggered scenario

    and it felt SCARY

    and id otn want that

    for myself
    or others

    and i feel so mad!!!

    and i feel so powerless

    and so unehard

    and small

    and not worth much!


    somad about that!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:09pm

  279. 279: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im throwing a tantrum and no one is listening and now feel so MAD

    and humiliated

    and worhtless

    and smal

    and mi so used to this feeling

    i refuse to FEEL this feeling cuz it feelis too painful

    and i lov em

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:11pm

  280. 280: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess – Have you gone for a second or even a third opinion? Have you tried a female GYN?


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:11pm

  281. 281: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i was practicing deep stuff around not judging msyelf for FEELING fear in my heart

    i feel shame… shows that im actually brave

    butdont even need the shame though

    i think i DO though

    without the shame im not good enough

    it will expose me

    im not ready

    and i honor that

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:12pm

  282. 282: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #245 – I don’t fully understand what is going on for you. How do you feel about his texts and questions?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:13pm

  283. 283: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Are you ok?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:13pm

  284. 284: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    piano – might be autocorrect from “my place”
    since he was saying its in HIS town… etc

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:14pm

  285. 285: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t even think I would need a second opinion, but now I feel like everyone is saying I should seek one. I went to the GYN a few years ago when I was bit by a brown recluse spider (weird that was who my insurance recommended for that at the time), so I think I will all them tomorrow and see about a second opinion. I hate to think about it though because I am such a loyal person!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:17pm

  286. 286: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I only ask for/get attention when im having a crisis

    or have something smart/amazing

    or have ‘help or critcizim/correction”

    hmmm i want to heal this

    i want to ask for my deepest needs

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:18pm

  287. 287: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    LP finally called me back! I feel less alone and more supported now.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:19pm

  288. 288: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I am having a hard time keeping up — am I understanding right? You used to mess around with your neighbor looong time ago, and now his wife is confronting you with her jealousy?

    SOUNDS AWFUL:(:( i’m so sorry!!!!

    I’d want to chew her out.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:20pm

  289. 289: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria says, “I only ask for/get attention when I am having a crisis”.

    Sounds like me tonight.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:20pm

  290. 290: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – thanks for aksing

    im feeling all kinda shaky in my heart

    otherise ok

    omg it was scary

    like out of a movie

    i cant belive it was happening

    talk about feeling ALIVE


    my heart felt SCARED

    and i got to “OBSEVE” that

    it will feel SO GREAT to get to the other side of this and not ever feel scared of women or create a vibe of competition about men


    i dont want to!

    it seems like it comes from the outside

    but i think i create it too


    i want to heal this!

    i feel ashamed about this

    liek somethings wrong with me for being sexual

    or sexy

    fun or loving

    or attractive

    i cant be ME

    they ALL get jealous of me


    even my mom

    i dont feel comfortable thinking about that

    i feel lucky its not WORSE

    and i felt like sick over my moms jealousy

    i mostly feel like my mom supports me

    but maybe its both

    maybe its like when *I* put msyelf in the supportive role

    and i like equal






    and i didnt judge msyelf

    and i was able to observe


    thats a HUGE babystep

    honor to me

    i bow to me

    and my amazing


    brave wow ness

    of transforming

    me in my deepest fears

    are healing

    wow me

    journey into the cave

    this reallly happened

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:22pm

  291. 291: TanyaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi! Sorry if this is the wrong place but I couldn’t find where I can just enter a question for Rori… I am getting your emails and I while I love your idea of Circular Dating I don’t think I’d have the energy for dating multiple guys… you see I have Fibromyalgia which makes you very fatigued easily. I very much want to ask you, does your program work for people like me who cannot for whatever reason date so many guys? Can this work for me, is it possible that I can find true love even with a ‘disability’? I wish I’d married when I was young and healthy. Do guys see women with an illness as damaged goods? I don’t even have the energy to go out and meet one nice guy, let alone several! Would this be something that I’d be up front about and mention on the first date or would that make him hit the road? Or reveal at a later time? Do you have any helpful hints on this? Again sorry if this is in the wrong spot! Thank you so much, and I love your emails!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:23pm

  292. 292: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – well to be fair… i think theres something between me and neighbor, but we havent kissed or hooked up since he got married

    and we’re friends

    more like acquiantaces

    i was kickin it with him at his music studio – which is in his garage

    i havent really met his wife

    shes called me trippin a few years ago

    when he sent me a text propositioning me

    now i was just chillin at his lab

    and felt like worried

    and then KABLOOM

    it all happend


    what a nerd

    i feel amused

    i wonder if thats covering up deeper feelings

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:24pm

  293. 293: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Do yall think i shoulda SOCKED HER IN THE FACE???

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:24pm

  294. 294: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i actually RAN from her…

    i made it look like she had all the power

    but i didnt want to fight

    i wanted to honor even my fear

    i figured fighting her was not gonna win me my neighbor

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:25pm

  295. 295: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess – I don’t want to put people in boxes or type them, but there seems to be a tendency for female GYNs to be far more wanting to keep your parts intact.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:26pm

  296. 296: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Starla

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:26pm

  297. 297: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling quivery in my chest

    i dont want to judge myself




    I CHOSE – it

    i didnt’ punk out

    i literally CHOSE not to fight and use FM’s

    oooh my god

    i could abeen scrathced up and have punched the shit out of a girl in front of some small children right now


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:29pm

  298. 298: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ive taken many babysteps to get here

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:30pm

  299. 299: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    294, Dominique,

    I guess it is worth checking into. I mean I already have two kids. I would be okay if I didn’t have more, but no one likes to be told they can’t have something. If I were older I think it would be an easier decision and if LP and I hadn’t had the baby talk…so much to think about.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:31pm

  300. 300: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i notice i feel embarassed of the lady next to me

    im judging her as stuck up and i feel embarassed for her to see the style of the guys im looking at on pof

    i SO want to heal this

    i HATE this about msyelf

    that i care

    and put other people (that i make up in my imagination)

    aehad of people i love

    and care about the judgemetns

    my dad does this

    i hate it when he does it


    just so much cikiness

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:32pm

  301. 301: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i want a man who wants to “hold me” that would feel good

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:33pm

  302. 302: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess – i would sO go the alternative route

    there are so many women healers who work with women on issues like this!

    im sure Dominique has some awesome suggestions if you ask …

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:35pm

  303. 303: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeilng more calm

    i read a calming man profile:


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:36pm

  304. 304: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhhhhhhh!!! AroundTheWorld is texting me!!!!!

    He is texting “Good night Miss Lizka [my family name]”

    I answered “Lol, already going to bed Mr. AroundTheWorld [his family name] ?”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:38pm

  305. 305: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    @234 Lolita, I might feel tempted to go with something light along the lines of “hi it’s nice to hear from you, I was feeling a bit disconnected from you this weekend but it feels nice to reconnect”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:39pm

  306. 306: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im really feelin tired now

    i need some tender lovin care

    maybe ill get a book from here and read it

    or walk home

    i want to call someone to hold me

    ima call me

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:40pm

  307. 307: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok ok ok lean back Lizkaaaaaa

    It seems that he just wants to chit-chat.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:41pm

  308. 308: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla, thanks for the huggggsssss!!! :) Feeling so warm and happy!

    Sun Goddess, I’m so sorry to hear your medical issues are so serious. I pray for comfort, healing and love to wrap around you now. I know it’s hard to focus on ourselves, we women just aren’t built that way, but you should try. Be your own best friend, your advocate and voice. Let him know what you need. It’s ok to lean forward sometimes. I believe this is one of those times. We are here for you.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:43pm

  309. 309: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I need help quick quick quick……

    What is a good feeling message I could write him to let him know that I feel impatient to see him??? Without controlling the outcome and all the blah blah…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:43pm

  310. 310: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!

    Lean back!!! Don’t contact him. He isn’t stepping up, if you lean forward, it’s going to push him away and you know that!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:45pm

  311. 311: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, he DID text me!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:46pm

  312. 312: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Sorry Lizka, missed your text that he is texting you,

    I’d say something about what you want, texting isn’t enough

    Maybe tell him you are heading out, not bedtime for a siren!!!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:46pm

  313. 313: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    What if I say “I feel impatient to be with you?”

    Too intense? Too “you” ? Too leaning forward???

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:50pm

  314. 314: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    He said he was in bed reading and going to sleep soon.

    Can I say “Would feel good to be cuddling in bed reading with you?”

    OH D*MM I feel so not sireny, no inspiration!! I don’t know what to sayyyyy!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:52pm

  315. 315: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    The teleclass starts soon and I don’t know how to access it!!!
    I assumed I would be getting instructions by email.

    How do we access?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:54pm

  316. 316: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili, Sorry, I can’t help you… :(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:57pm

  317. 317: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    That looks very leaning forward.
    Don’t use that one, please.

    I don’t know a better one, but please don’t use that one. It’s way too leaning forwardy.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:57pm

  318. 318: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    307 Turquoise,

    Thanks! We have a dinner date for Wednesday. I am going to see what LP says. He has a job though that makes it tough for him to be there physically all the time. And, I hate that my boys will need to spend time with their dad, M, if I do get the surgery. I don’t feel like that is a good environment for them.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:57pm

  319. 319: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((((SunGoddess))))) I’ve been thinking of you ever since you posted something about this a few threads ago <3

    I was in a similar situation (doctor saying there were no options, etc.) If you'd like to talk, feel free to e-mail me at PiscesSiren08at ymaildotcom

    (I apologize if I'm being too nosey or aggresive.)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 4:59pm

  320. 320: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lili: Check your spam folder. She definitely would have sent an email if you signed up for the class.

    I feel so excited with the timing of the class and what happened yesterday. Rori will give great advice.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:00pm

  321. 321: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #292 – “Do yall think i shoulda SOCKED HER IN THE FACE???”

    Yep! I think ya shoulda joined Team Why Don’t You Tell Em How You REALLY Feel! Here is the feeling message I would have recommended for your neighbor’s wife:

    Hey, Skank! You can’t hold your own in bed with your man? I’ll hold him for ya! Come on, let’s have it out!

    Oh, wait, wrong blog….I thot I was on Team Jerry Springer’s blog, LOL! 😆

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:01pm

  322. 322: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I know it’s not the best thing in the world, it’s half leaning forward, half feeling message, but I just couldn’t help myself.

    I wrote “I feel a little impatient about spending some time again with you. Last time was nice. I felt smiley since.”

    Now I have to lean waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:01pm

  323. 323: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lili: you could also email her at rori@coachrori.com

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:02pm

  324. 324: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:


    I don’t know… I’m not good under pressure, lol. But, I wouldn’t tell him you want to see him, I’d share how I was feeling, looking forward to something, share you have somem special things planned, I don’t know! Sorry!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:03pm

  325. 325: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    318, Flowerchild,

    Thanks, that would feel great…I will email you tomorrow. I’m so exhausted from my emotional day that I am going to go to bed now. :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:03pm

  326. 326: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Sh*t, he answered “soon [whatever-stupid-pet-name-he-calls-all-his-female-friends]”

    He use to say “soon” all the time after we broke up and I was requesting to spend time with him. And we never ended up seeing each other, he always had a reason……

    Do I let it there or I say it feels bad?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:05pm

  327. 327: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Maybe I will type up my scripts here instead so at least I get to feel that I have SAID them.

    They prob won’t make sense to anyone here so out of context… but I am typing them more for me to feel I have expressed, at least somewhere.


    > Yes, I like you (too) – even if you didn’t do all the stuff you do I like how you feel to me.

    > I feel warm to you.

    > I feel accepting of you as a person no matter the circumstances.

    > Well if there was an addiction to …. or …. I would still accept you as a person, and I would not try to make you change…

    Its pointless to try and do that… not unless you wanted to.

    > And I don’t want anything to do with the dishonesty or being convinced about stuff which feels off to me.

    I don’t want drama.

    > I feel suspicious and icky about that stuff.

    > It would feel good to be friends for now.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:06pm

  328. 328: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I should say “It feels bad to wait for an invitation that never comes when you feel excited about something”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:08pm

  329. 329: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #296 – I think it takes a stronger woman to NOT fight than to fight. Power = strength under control.

    I feel admiration and respect to hear you ran from her when she wanted you to join Team Fight.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:08pm

  330. 330: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Or just stop there…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:09pm

  331. 331: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka: I would personally would “be an invitation”.

    I would share things like,

    “I feel so relaxed tonight. I feel so cozy curled up in my bed. I feel excited about running in the park tomorrow. I feel ….”

    Share passion stories. I personally wouldn’t bring up any impatience or loneliness I am feeling right now because it’s not really his issue and it’s not very encouraging for him to reach out and be confronted with anxieties right away.

    It would feel better to me to just learn from the experience. I wouldn’t bring anything about that up until we were together and it felt like the right time.

    I, personally, don’t feel comfortable discussing things like this via text.

    Anyways, this is my perspective. I’m sure you will know exactly what to do because you are a wise siren.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:09pm

  332. 332: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((((((Lili))))))) I’m thinking of you in admiration. Even in this tremendous pain, you are able to be completely authentic. I am sending healing thoughts your way.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:10pm

  333. 333: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to go in the old pattern of “Soon Lizka” and me “when?” and him “soon” and me “but when?” and him… never inviting…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:10pm

  334. 334: EllaNo Gravatar says:




    Lol, I am not yeeling just speaking loudly.

    Remember there is no need to hurry to reply… stop, breath and wait a bit before replying.

    You answered your own question in your post 321…

    It only feels bad because you leant forward… that has nothing to do with him… he hasn’t done anything to you… he is contacting you.

    This is what you wanted no?

    Give him the space to step up instead of crowding him out with impatient feelings…

    You can express them here.

    He said ‘Soon’ … that could be a positive.

    I think it feels bad because of your thoughts about the situation.

    You can so have the power here if you lean back and leave him with some mystery.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:11pm

  335. 335: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka: I would stop with this line of conversation as soon as possible if I was in your shoes.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:11pm

  336. 336: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka re 322

    He can’t invite if you don’t leave him the space to do so…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:12pm

  337. 337: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka: Do you realize that you are practically begging him to see you?

    He is supposed to be the one begging you.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:13pm

  338. 338: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you SG. Your proposition sounds so good, wish I had see it before…

    I don’t know how to introduce a “fun” feeling message but I feel I HAVE to do it or the conversation will just have been around “I feel so depressed that you are so far away”. lol (don’t worry I didn’t say that….

    I’m so clueless. I so so so don’t know what to say! Everything I think about doesn’t translate in french…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:14pm

  339. 339: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka I have been there by the way…

    Feeling impatient!

    Frustrating isn’t it!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:14pm

  340. 340: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG yes I just realized I’ve been so bad… :(

    I just stop? No good night? No positive feeling message, no nothing?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:17pm

  341. 341: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm… Lizka, I think I’d share that soon doesn’t feel good… feels like being placated. And then I’d get back online and see who else I could meet.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:17pm

  342. 342: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I did bad. I don’t feel proud of myself. I wasn’t sireny at all. D*mm I had the occasion to show I’m a super independant siren and I scr*wed it all…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:20pm

  343. 343: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka: So is that the last text, him saying “soon _____”?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:21pm

  344. 344: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka (said in a Mumsy type of tone)

    No beating yourself up!

    Its fine.

    And now you can hone it even more for next time you two speak.

    Beating yourself up now will NOT help your vibe.

    The way forward I have found is to accept I said what I said and own it… and if I feel a lil uncomfortable about any of it, still own it, and just make a mental note to do it better next time.

    And there is ALWAYS a next time!

    I know I was always doing the best I could at the time so its important to forgive myself not being perfect.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:23pm

  345. 345: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    But I can be very impatient, so maybe I’m not a good one to give advice. I didn’t like his comment to you about if it’s simple and easy…. or close to that, either share what was suggested above about how you feel, with no reference to him, or just stop talking to him. I’m feeling a little angry at him.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:23pm

  346. 346: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka: Don’t be hard on yourself. You barely did anything. You started down the path but only a step or two. You didn’t go nearly as far as before and that is something to be proud of.

    And you know from experience that he responds when you lean back.

    So don’t beat yourself up. That will only make things worse.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:23pm

  347. 347: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Thank you so much FC.

    I feel so yucky tonight :(

    The teleclass starts in 5 minutes, and I didn’t get the instructions or link to join in. :(

    I emailed Rori a few minutes ago, still no response.

    I soooo needed it tonight!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:25pm

  348. 348: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka I would not reply in fact.

    Or just say ‘ok’ and leave it at that.

    Or even ‘I am feeling tired and off to bed’ with no reference to what he said.

    And then drop it.

    This waterwheel feels like it might be turning the wrong way??

    You will see him IF and when he earns some of your precious Siren time.


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:26pm

  349. 349: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I’ll repeat the whole conversation. Please someone tell me I did some little good things…

    ATW: Good night Lizka [family name]

    Me: Lol, Already going to bed AroundTheWorld [family name] ?

    ATW: Reading and going to bed

    Me: You’re a early sleeper! You must have party a lot in the last days! Your friends already left?

    ATW: No party for me in the last days. They are leaving next Saturday

    Me: I see…

    ATW: Said the blind girl [it’s a joke…]

    Me: I’m not even blind [and put a funny smiley with Xs instead of the eyes]

    Him: Lol

    Me: There’s staying long your friends! You must be happy!

    Him: Yes, it’s fun

    And here I started f*cking it all up…

    Me: I feel a little impatient to spend some time with you again. Felt so good last time. I felt smiley since…

    Him: Soon [pet-name-that-I-hate]

    Me: “Soon” feels weird

    Him: Noooo! :-) Soon is good! Lol. I’m off to bed, Sweet dreams. Mouah! xxx

    That’s it…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:26pm

  350. 350: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    If the last thing he said was “soon baby”, I just wouldn’t respond.

    I don’t feel inspired to respond if he gives me a vague answer like that.

    And when he contacts me again, I would just wait and see how I feel then.

    Maybe I would go out with him, maybe I wouldn’t. Sorta depends on his approach and how long it’s been.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:27pm

  351. 351: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Thanks LG!

    I just emailed with high priority mention. Still waiting….

    I so needed that class tonight ;(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:27pm

  352. 352: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lili… that would feel so frustrating! Didn’t you get any confirmation/information when you paid?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:27pm

  353. 353: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unheard about the fact that I have not been drinking any alcohol recently.


    Sulky feeling Pout.

    Oh well I am doing it for me anyway so I suppose it doesn’t really matter if anyone else notices or not.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:29pm

  354. 354: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    “soon” is pretty much up in the air.

    It doesn’t feel very inspiring to answer, to me anyway.
    Any response would feel leaning forward to me.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:30pm

  355. 355: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lili: She’s really good about responding quickly. I wouldn’t be surprised if you get an email any second.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:30pm

  356. 356: LizkaNo Gravatar says:


    I forgot. I forgot that I said I would consider him like a new CD…

    If I had consider him like a new CD, I would not have act like beging him…

    Ah I feel like crying. I want to do it all over again. :(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:31pm

  357. 357: LizkaNo Gravatar says:


    I forgot. I forgot that I said I would consider him like a new CD…

    If I had consider him like a new CD, I would not have act like beging him…

    Ah I feel like crying. I want to do it all over again. :(


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:32pm

  358. 358: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka: Please be gentle on yourself. You caught yourself really quickly this time. You broke a pattern!

    That is so awesome!!!!

    Patterns can be so hard to break and you did it!

    Yay Lizka!


    I would love to see you feeling proud of yourself and giving yourself the recognition your deserve.

    Baby steps! Yay for Lizka’s baby steps tonight!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:34pm

  359. 359: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    240 Sun Goddess, I had a hysterectomy about 5 years ago. I can honestly tell you it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m not sure what your situation is but it literally made my life so much easier and pain free. ((((hugs))))

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:34pm

  360. 360: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Bleck Lizka. I’d feel mad at him. I feel he’s testing the waters with his brief texts, to see how you respond. I have a friend who says that men don’t want us to be mad at them, so they check in here and there, just enough to feel good about themselves, but not enough to show any real feelings or intentions. Unfortunately I think you leaned forward a lot, asked him questions… if you had just mirrored, which would basically have been to just say goodnight already? And then respond to his posts, with mirroring. May have been a short conversation. Next time, I’d ignore his posts, let him wonder where you are and what you are up to.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:35pm

  361. 361: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yay for Ella!!!

    Nice job, Ella!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:35pm

  362. 362: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Remember this is all practice, so it doesn’t matter anyway… and you are WAY better than when you first came to this blog.

    And in fact I disagree…

    I think here is where you went wrong:

    Him: reading and going to bed

    Me: You’re a early sleeper! You must have party a lot in the last days! Your friends already left?


    He’s signing off.

    I think the most Sireny response would have been something like

    ‘Ok night night’

    or ‘I am feeling tired and just off to bed to’

    Which is responding to his lead…

    Instead you jumped into the masculine, questioning role, and started asking him lots of questions about him… thus putting the focus on him.

    And he gave one word answers.

    Which caused you to over function a little in trying to carry the conversation on and find out when you will see him.

    This is leaning forward.

    As Sirens we respind 99% of the time, and when we ask questions its out of curiosity.

    Having said all of this I don’t think it was too bad.

    Just needs a little tweaking, and leaning back, breathing for next time.

    What do you think?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:36pm

  363. 363: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Hi Turquoise,

    I received a Paypal payment confirmation only.

    I sent Rori an email including my receipt no.

    It was probably too late for her to see it.

    I hope I at least get the recording until next week ;(

    That feels just awful at such a moment ;(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:37pm

  364. 364: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank You


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:37pm

  365. 365: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    hehe, I feel uplifted and energized after celebrating other siren’s successes.

    Thanks ladies.

    I didn’t have time to catch up on all the posts and now I have to run to practice.

    I’m feeling sad that I don’t have time to comment and chat more….but mostly feeling

    Yay!!! Yay for all of our baby steps!
    Yay for siren island!!!

    k, g’night for now.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:39pm

  366. 366: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry Ella for not giving accolades for your not drinking!!! I felt them when I read your posts, sharing your challenge. I feel inspired to not eat crap/fast food for 30 days to help me lose weight!!!! Thank you for sharing your goal!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:40pm

  367. 367: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Night LG

    Thanks Turqouise.

    Yes, lets see what we can transform in 30 days with our Siren Magic!


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:47pm

  368. 368: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    NOTES TO MYSELF ON MY SIREN PERFORMANCE OF 01/30/2012 (so I could do better next time)

    I feel regretful of:

    -Not having mirroring his answers

    -Having ask questions

    -Having send negative feeling messages

    -Not stopping the conversation after he said he was going to bed the first time (I should have say “I’m feeling cozy at home watching TV, will go to bed soon too”)

    -Not having stick to my plan of “he’s just another CD” (I think I’ll write it down somewhere where I see it 24/7)

    I feel proud of:

    -The improvement I did since I came here 3 months ago

    -Not having ask “WHEN?!?”

    -Not being blamey on “you always use to say ‘soon’ ” (would have do that before)

    -Sent a few feeling messages

    -Let him the last word (too late, but last word anyway)

    Sooooo I feel more regretful than proud of my siren performance but yes, there was still some good things for me in my conversation. I think he probably noticed it anyway… it use to be a BIG pattern of me to be accusative and blamey and crying and screaming… I stayed calm at least…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:52pm

  369. 369: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Ella I didn’t had time to read all the post. I feel very happy for you reaching your goal of not drinking!!!!



    And thank you for supporting me during my conversation with AroundTheWorld. Promise I’ll do better next time!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:54pm

  370. 370: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #325 – Make him work for it. Be the prize. You are putting yourself at his feet, like I do with Ryan. It doesn’t work.

    Best to do nothing. So hard, I know.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:56pm

  371. 371: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Turquoise, Laughing Goddess and Ella for helping me through this…

    Wow, I really was in panic… :(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:57pm

  372. 372: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Brenda.

    Ahhh I feel so bad :(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:59pm

  373. 373: carrieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi is anyone on this call? I accidentally got disconnected and already paid for it! Can someone patch me in?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 5:59pm

  374. 374: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to call him to apologize not being a crazy siren. Lol, won’t do it, would be so stupid!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:00pm

  375. 375: carrieNo Gravatar says:

    Can someone tell Rori that I got disconnected please? I’m wasting my $ here. :(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:01pm

  376. 376: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #332 – “I don’t want to go in the old pattern of “Soon Lizka” and me “when?” and him “soon” and me “but when?” and him… never inviting…”

    You sound like me. Leaning forward. Boy energy.

    I feel your pain. Hold yourself tight. Paint yourself with love. Gently, slowly, one finger at a time. Let the soap and water love you.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:02pm

  377. 377: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I will.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:05pm

  378. 378: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    It will be recorded, so you will still get to hear it. I both emailed her and IMed her.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:07pm

  379. 379: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Do you have the page with the phone number and password?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:08pm

  380. 380: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    New CD = just practice. He was just practice.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself, it just makes you more resistant and less open to learning.

    Ne te tappe pas sur la tête. Give yourself a big hug of compassion instead.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:09pm

  381. 381: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ah my god I feel awful. I feel worst than when I leaned forward last friday…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:11pm

  382. 382: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Don’t beat self up. Automatically beat up man who loves you. Love self in midst of pain and mistakes.

    Don’t look for abuse. Look for loving yourself. This is what Rori is talking about right now in the teleseminar!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:13pm

  383. 383: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    But Lili, he’s not REALLY a new CD, remember?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:14pm

  384. 384: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    All our overfunctioning is fear-based.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:14pm

  385. 385: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah… I know what you mean Lili, sorry, got lost…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:15pm

  386. 386: carrieNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Brenda. I do not have the page with the password. It appeared when I paid so I was connected but I lost it. The # I am at is 773/575-6493 if you can conference me in. I have very limited time to listen to this… I set time aside tonight. This is typical of my life!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:16pm

  387. 387: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to send “hey I’m sorry for being so impatient. I don’t understand why I’m like that”

    Bad idea?

    Rori says to apoligize, no? Not sure…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:18pm

  388. 388: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I texted it to you.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:19pm

  389. 389: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Seriously Lizka, what are you thinking??

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:20pm

  390. 390: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    What was the last thing he said?

    I feel confused on apologies. Not sure.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:21pm

  391. 391: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Seriously, I tried to convince myself that I didn’t do that bad, that there is some few things to feel proud of, but no. I am really not proud. I feel like a mess.

    And now I just want to lean forward to “fix” it.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:22pm

  392. 392: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Ewww. I’m having such yucky thoughts in my head.

    I’ll just turn on the tv and hope to catch something interesting to distract me and drift off to sleep.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:23pm

  393. 393: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #388 — Ooh, that feels bad to hear. I don’t like to hear Sirens speak harshly to themselves. Hugs to Lizka! Love, affection, trust to Lizka.

    Can you give compassion to your weak parts?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:24pm

  394. 394: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, the whole conversation is on #348

    Last thing he said is “Noooo! Soon is good! Lol. I’m off to bed, Sweet dreams. Mouah! xxx”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:25pm

  395. 395: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I can’t. I tried but I just can’t. :(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:26pm

  396. 396: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    please no fixing! That’s the man’s job to fix things. Fixing things is leaning forward.

    I don’t want to look hard on you.

    I myself have the urge to call D right now to fix that I kept kicking him around which made him feel bad about himself.
    I even brought him to tears.
    That’s why he went out and was open to the woman who came on to him.
    She made him feel good after I made him feel so bad.
    If I try to fix it, I know that I will lose my self-esteem. Bc that will be putting myself at his mercy.

    Don’t put yourself at his mercy.
    Apologizing will make him feel like you’re at his feet, and he will feel like he can treat you any way he wants.
    That will make him feel unattracted.
    You definitely don’t want that.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:31pm

  397. 397: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    No Lizka, please don’t text him again. It won’t fix things, and he said he was going to bed. YOu’ll feel better tomorrow. It sounds like you lean back, then leann forward and say now you’ll lean waaaayyyyyy back, but feel bad for leaning forward, and want to do it some more. Just take a step back. he’s only a guy. I know how easy it is to lean forward, and I have ample excuses with the girls, to share news, funny things they say, send him pictures…. but it’s a fine line between sharing with him as a parent, and using it as an excuse to lean forward.

    What I notice most when we lean forward, is that we give these explanations, long drawn out poetic feeling messages, and we get one or two words in response. Sometimes I feel they like and appreciate the feeling messages, and other times I feel they only hear the first word, blah blah blah, and the last word. What do you think?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:34pm

  398. 398: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    We’re learning. Let’s give ourselves a big hug and a pat on the back.
    I’m having a super hard time giving myself compassion too.
    So let me just send the compassion out to you if I can’t give it to myself.
    And I’ll take compassion from you if you can’t give it to yourself.

    Team compassion! We’ll just send the compassion around to each other.

    (((Lizka))) xox

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:35pm

  399. 399: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lili. I feel so lost right now. Like a little kid who was so excited about getting a new gift and broke it in 5 seconds by playing with it too hard and now feeling tearful and wishing she could go back a few hours ago to get the gift again and treat it well…

    :( I feel teary.

    And I feel stupid telling you I feel teary for such a stupid thing. You have 100 more reasons to feel teary and you seem so strong. I feel guilty…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:35pm

  400. 400: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Turquoise. :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:39pm

  401. 401: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Compassion ——-> LILI


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:40pm

  402. 402: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok im at home


    got a hug from mom

    at library i learned about using totem animals to hunt and eat and grow stronger from animals

    and i read about using Judgement to kill … just when hungry

    so hmm

    something id been thinking about


    so now

    my still kinda achy heart

    to heal it

    with some EFT


    this stuff might be stuck in my tissues

    i want to stretch to let it release


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:40pm

  403. 403: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:44pm

  404. 404: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    If he saw you going from hating yourself to loving yourself, it would give him a hard-on. ~ Rori

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:47pm

  405. 405: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – lol!!! oh that feels so FUN to read!!


    i felt scared at the time and then after at the library when my fear calmed down…

    i felt ANGRY!!!!

    i dotn want to feel unsafe or attacked or just treated in an unloving way

    im not less than! just cuz im a single attractive woman!

    i feel angry aobut this!!

    i have a LOT of anger aobut this with women

    and over and over women are accusing me of getting with their man lately

    it must be an energy showing up to heal

    wooooh it felt SCARY!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:49pm

  406. 406: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda….lol. I like it!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:50pm

  407. 407: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:


    Are you flirting with other women’s men? That will bring on angry women.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:51pm

  408. 408: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    Feeling teary is not stupid.
    It’s understandable how you want so badly want things to go well.
    You just don’t feel confident that things will go well on their own, so you feel the compulsion to control the outcome.

    That’s why I do the same mistakes over and over again.
    I’m so worried that he’ll hurt me, that I have to constantly warn him and try to jam it in his head.
    That’s wanting to control the outcome.
    That makes him feel bad that I don’t think he’s trustworthy or that I even think he’s bad and constantly desserves to be kicked.

    I don’t feel that strong.
    I have tears running down my cheeks as I’m typing right now ;(

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:51pm

  409. 409: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Grapefruits and bananas are best for growing strong. And avocados!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:53pm

  410. 410: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel jealous of bigger women or just women that feel powerful in themselves physically (ie.. they know they can knock a man out with a punch)

    i WANT that

    and im afraid to gibe it to myself – for fear ill invite More violance in my life


    scared to grow in power for fear of soemthign bad increasing (powerlsessness) that im looking to decrease


    sounds familiar

    i want to heal this

    i seeeeee it

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:54pm

  411. 411: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lili, this is so hard to do, I so understand what you are saying. “That’s why I do the same mistakes over and over again.
    I’m so worried that he’ll hurt me, that I have to constantly warn him and try to jam it in his head.
    That’s wanting to control the outcome.” Exactly what I was thinking while texting ATW… I don’t want him to hurt me with his “soon MINOU [grrr I hate when he calls me “minou”, what an ugly pet name!!!]…

    I wish I could do something “pour rendre ton coeur plus léger” (how the h*ll do we say that in English?)

    You know how to contact me. If you want, send me an email and we can chat through Facebook… if you want…. I have a few minutes before going to bed…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 6:59pm

  412. 412: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oups there is a part missing on my last post…

    After ” I don’t want him to hurt me with his “soon MINOU [grrr I hate when he calls me “minou”, what an ugly pet name!!!]… so I tried so badly to have him not say SOON.

    I hate this word SOON. I hate it. I want to call the Académie de la langue française and make the word BIENTÔT banned from french language.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:01pm

  413. 413: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, do you mean literally knock a man out? Why would you want that dynamic in a relationship? That sounds like being physically equal with a man, boy energy, kinda scary boy energy.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:03pm

  414. 414: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    I’m glad you’re sharing this.

    I have the same issue, but the other way around.
    Married neighbourlady likes to flirt w my man.
    She said she loves to be the center of men’s attention.
    She especially ramps it up when their women are there.
    I’m assuming it raises her self worth when women feel envious of her.
    I do feel envious, bc I’m not capable of opening up my heart and let my man close to me the way she does.
    It has triggered me immensely.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:04pm

  415. 415: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow im realizing that tension in my back on my spine that i feel… is actually my HEART feeling it from the back of my body

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:06pm

  416. 416: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:


    You are a French Goddess…. you are bi-lingual. YOu are smart, beautiful, funny, caring, compassionate, energetic, warm… and YOU ARE THE PRIZE!!!!!! He’d be lucky to be with you again. Next time he texts or calls, you tell him Soon. Give him that mirror.

    And minnow… like the fish? If so, next time he calls you minnow…. say hmmm, feels silly to be called a small fish when I feel like such a siren. Especially if he refers to all women that way. Yuck. I want more for you!!!!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:08pm

  417. 417: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol no Turquoise. “Minou” is a way to call a cat. But it sounds cheap… He says it as a joke to everyone. I alreadytold him to keep that for his friends… I guess he considers me has a friend…

    If I am the prize… Why was i begging him tonight. I feel so bad and so regretful. I wish I could fix that. I’m happy I didn’t go to control dammage mode though… At least…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:14pm

  418. 418: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Oh Lizka, sorry I can’t find you by email address on FB. I don’t know how. I really tried.
    I’ll try to create a gmail account to have easier access to my emails.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:15pm

  419. 419: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili – im able to open up my heart and let my man close to me the way she does… what would that feel like?

    can you imagine being her when you want to do that?

    i sometimes imagine im a woman whose traits i want in certain situations and i can feel the energy shift

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:16pm

  420. 420: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Big tears rolling on my cheeks too…

    I feel mad because before he decided to pop up back into my life, I haven’t cry for over a month and i was feeling all happy and was so proud of becoming a siren.

    I just feel like I am back to the start line now. I feel lame and I’m bored of crying all the time for him amd waiting for his texts all the time…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:16pm

  421. 421: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Minou is the French equivalent of kitty (like in kitty cat).

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:17pm

  422. 422: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – yeah i mena literally, and not in relationship

    just in general

    i would like to feel that strong and feel powerful in myself that way and not so vulnerable physically if i were attacked

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:18pm

  423. 423: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lili this is not the email adress i use on Facebook anywat.

    But I’m going to bed. We’ll talk another day sweetheart if you want. Don’t worry. xoxo

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:18pm

  424. 424: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Yeah, me too.

    I was feeling all confident all last week, and I had to ruin it by kicking him for no reason.
    Just my NVs yelling at me, and I had to calm them down by kicking him and putting him down.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:19pm

  425. 425: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – wow i feel defensive

    actually no, im not.

    men just find me attractive and its obvious

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:19pm

  426. 426: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad because right now, i should feel so excited that I finaly got a text from him. It actually came sooner than expected. I should feel surprised and jump all over the place and scream my happiness…

    But no, I just feel guilty because I really f*cked up this occasion. Now I’ll have to wait how many more days before he texts me again…..?!?!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:21pm

  427. 427: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i dont want to feel like “angry women” are all justified for attacking me because “im flirting with their men”

    thats the belief i have, like theyre all justified in their jealousy to treat ME badly!

    oh theyre just jealous, poor dears!

    dont mind me! ill just leave/hide/pretend i dont exist/whaetever

    so taht YOU dont have to be triggered

    no thank you

    wow i feel so mad about that


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:21pm

  428. 428: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like a total mess here…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:23pm

  429. 429: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    That feels good Daria. I was focusing on the negative and what I don’t have .
    You’re switching it to positive, by focusing on having and being, as opposed “not having or not being”.

    I need to try to get some sleep now, to rest my puffy eyes from all the crying.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:23pm

  430. 430: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and i try SO HARD TO NOT flirt with teh men at all!

    im like “champion asexual”

    but then im still flirting with them right???

    it never works

    i feel so angry to read that



    maybe ill just own it

    “flirts with other women’s men”

    or “desperately tries to not look like she’s flirting with your man because she knows she looks hot —-


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:24pm

  431. 431: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    That feels good Daria. I was focusing on the negative and what I don’t have .
    You’re switching it to positive, by focusing on having and being, as opposed “not having or not being”.

    I need to try to get some sleep now, to rest my puffy eyes from all the crying.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:25pm

  432. 432: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Lizka – you are so hard on yourself! Just needed some tweaking in my opinion. Do feel good that you did not beg, cry, etc! Baby steps here!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:25pm

  433. 433: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    That feels good Daria. I was focusing on the negative and what I don’t have .
    You’re switching it to positive, by focusing on having and being, as opposed “not having or not being”.

    I need to try to get some sleep now, to rest my puffy eyes from all the crying.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:25pm

  434. 434: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Lizka – you are so hard on yourself! Just needed some tweaking in my opinion. Do feel good that you did not beg, cry, etc! Baby steps here! I bet he noticed the improvement!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:26pm

  435. 435: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Want to join Team RRR? Rori Raye Rocks!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:30pm

  436. 436: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how about that this woman took MY man, thats been mine since i was 18 … how about THAT

    i feel angry about THAT

    how about TAHT huh?

    do you care about that?




    i care

    about me

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:34pm

  437. 437: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    did i mention that i dont think my flirting with men anyway means i have to tolerate women attacking me or treating me badly or like im less important then them

    and *I* dont have to treat myself as less important that me to avoid their “justified” anger and jealousy


    feel angry about this one wow

    i LOVE my anger!

    its transforming me!!!


    ladies watch out cuz if you punch me

    i will whoop you

    i dont want to fight for your man

    if you attack me

    i WILL whoop u

    i think

    or maybe just try to end it quick so i dont end up huritng my friends chidren’s mothres

    all the men love and respect me anyway

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:37pm

  438. 438: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im getting more clear on my desire to be physically stronger

    i might want to do some more martial arts training!

    i woudl sure like to immobilize an incoming opponent without hurting them!!

    wooo thats my DREAM!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:40pm

  439. 439: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    if i didnt fear getting hurt by these women… i could actually offer them compassion too adn honor and fairness

    i could even offer them my LOVE and companionship like i can do with MEN!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:42pm

  440. 440: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so EXCITED i was able to allow myself to feel my fear

    fiori de gheatza… icy flashes donw my back

    and pinches in diff places making me feel weak and spineless


    i didnt JUDGE msyelf as weak or bad for having these feelings

    or cowardly

    shooot it might be OK to have them

    and then i still CHOOSE!!!

    i was AWARE

    and i dindt shut it down1

    oh my god so much love for me!!!

    and also noticing me taking my heart in my teeth… and how that feels numbing and how keeping heart pulsing fragile open feels different


    im feeling sleepy

    a massage would feel good…

    gonna eat chocolate for my heart

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:45pm

  441. 441: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm the CHOCOLATE is SO helping

    right to the heart!

    and i talked to a Rabbit totem – they are always fearful and so eating them Will heal the heart since theirs is so vibratory and powerful

    i will check out the asian grocery i saw rabbit there before i think

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:50pm

  442. 442: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starbright. Your post really feels good to read.

    I just did some breathing exercice. And I gave love to myself. And I forgave myself for not being so perfect and for being harsh with myself. I told myself I love me and I also sent some good vibration to ATW. I’m sure he felt it in his sleep. May he wake up with some positive thoughts about me.

    Ouuuuf! I feel better. Will go sleep if I don’t want to feel tired and depressed tomorrow. And i want to have the energy to run. I need the endorphins. :)

    Oh! And before i go to sleep, I’ll erase all of tonight’s messages from my phone. So I won’t go back to read them again and won’t feel guilty.

    And tomorrow when I’ll feel a lottle more far from this, I’ll take some notes on what to do better and I will keep them close for next time he texts or call. :)

    Thank you all for your support! xoxo

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:50pm

  443. 443: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #404 – You said, “i dotn want to feel unsafe or attacked or just treated in an unloving way

    im not less than! just cuz im a single attractive woman!

    i feel angry aobut this!!”

    Just want to remind you of this fabulous quote that you have probably already seen:

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”


    Marianne Williamson

    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:52pm

  444. 444: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Also, Lizka…

    In my opinion, he would not be feeling badly towards you now. Just that it’s possible by some tweaking you would maybe have given him more to think about what a siren you are. But, not that he would be thinking bad thoughts about you now…just a degree of magnetism me thinks.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 7:56pm

  445. 445: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I was helping ID’s ten year old with her homework last week. She was writing experiment results from adding various substances to the water fed to white carnations.

    I encouraged her to describe her results in technical words using complete sentences. She said, “If I say it that way, the kids won’t know what I mean, and they will laugh at me.”

    I told her in a loving, fun way, “Don’t EVER let anyone’s jealousy make you feel like you have to present yourself as less than who you are! Stand tall! Show your smarts! Play up your beauty!”

    Society tries to make women feel “less than”, like we are nothing but sex symbols and s1uts. It is a thread woven thru history, and it is ugly.

    I find the more I treat myself like a princess, even in the face of ridicule and people trying to put me down, to put me back “in my place”, the more I treat others with the infinite value they possess!

    And, like Rori told me, “this is how we change the world…” …by changing ourselves.


    …and that translates into…


    …and she whispered reverently, “I want to cradle every precious life in my hand and breathe in beauty, honor, value, and respect!!”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:01pm

  446. 446: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:


    A self defense class might feel empowering!

    I never said anything about you being wrong or anyone justified in being angry…. I simply asked a question and stated a potential response. Anything else you got from that…. was your assumption.

    My point in saying that was that whether it’s justified or not… actions glean reactions. Does it really matter how these women think of you? Does their opinion change who you are? No. Why is it so important to be liked, valued, respected…. by others? If you like yourself, feel good about yourself and your intentions… does it really matter? It would feel overwhelming to be concerned taht everyone liked and valued me. All I care about is how I view myself, and how my loved ones see me. And even that, comes second to how I feel about myself.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:01pm

  447. 447: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #440 – I recommend the book, Living Health, by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond.

    About rabbits, if you put a rabbit and a two year old girl in a playpen together, what would the child do?

    If she would eat the rabbit, then I will buy you a new car!

    I don’t think that is natural, and I feel horrible reading about eating a rabbit to gain strength in your heart. Maybe your heart will be stronger by sharing a carrot with a pet rabbit, and playing with her.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:08pm

  448. 448: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow im realizing my desire to be importnat/seen/special/high status

    is from my 3rd chakra knowing that im a mircale – and wanting to be seen!

    that feels good!11

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:12pm

  449. 449: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – hmm i was reading a book about totem animals

    how animals eat each other for food… and how being a predator one honors life with respect and is part of life…

    otherwise one might not pick fruit for not hurting the tree

    and in this life we have the Judgement and the built to hunt

    its an issue ive been wondering about mucho and that felt soothing and intriguing to me

    will look more into that

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:16pm

  450. 450: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((( Brenda ))))) wow that feels good!! thank you for your supporting me

    i feel really loved and uplifted and safe


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:19pm

  451. 451: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turqoise – i felt furious (offended doesnt seem like a feeling message) being asked that

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:21pm

  452. 452: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    Thaaat is so awesomely sireny! :)

    Imagine women loving you as much as the men do.

    That is inner strength to be able to come up with that for yourself!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:26pm

  453. 453: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #348 – Please excuse me that I wasn’t able to continue interacting with you earlier. I was listening to Rori’s teleseminar. Earlier today I was listening to Reconnect Your Relationship, and Rori suggested a feeling message for that very thing. Let me tweak this for you, for future reference:

    ATW: Good night Lizka [family name]

    Me: Lol, Already going to bed AroundTheWorld [family name] ?

    ATW: Reading and going to bed

    Me: Ooh! It would feel so good to be curled up in your arms and reading with you right now!

    Lizka, when we tweak your stuff, it is not for you to bash in the side of your head. It is to gently build, build, build, your inner resources. Then more and more, the feeling messages flow off your tongue as easily as, “Good morning!”

    What I am doing with all my Ryan issues is just flooding my mind and heart with all these good things from Rori’s seminars and her blog. I may appear resistant at times, but steadily, steadily, little by little, it is becoming a part of me.

    This is deep inner change. When I started having relationship trouble almost 3 years ago, I thought I would find a quick one week turnaround by listening to her seminars. What I found is a very profound inner change that has impacted my entire life! For the better! It is worth the time and effort!

    Tonight, Rori said our fear is at the center of it. As we learn to love ourselves and sink into the fear, then all the yucky stuff goes away. She said to picture grabbing a handful of hand and squeezing it very tight. Now open your hand, and let the sand slip thru your fingers.

    Letting go of a man like that feels so scary! But holding onto him so tight, we are guaranteed to lose him! Hold onto him with an open hand, and there is a chance we will keep him, if it is right.

    It is not that bad at all that you said you feel impatient to see him. He was not offended. He was just tired. He was in bed for the night. So just think about for the next time he contacts you, a more positive way to express that same feeling. Here are some ideas:

    Remember that time we went to such-and-such? I loved that! It would feel so good to do that again!

    I feel so good when I am with you!

    It really depends on where your relationship is at. For me, with all my overfunctioning, I am trying to not give any more feeling messages about seeing him. I overdid it. WAAAY overdid it!

    But if you feel pretty connected, it’s okay to say stuff like that now and then.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:26pm

  454. 454: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, I hadn’t been on your page in awhile…. but wanted to share that I just got on and read your recent blog, and I love it!

    “You can also try employing my pasting the fantasy meditation which you can find in my book, Sex and Heart. Briefly it’s a living your life AS IF, as if what you think and feel is true even if it isn’t at this particular moment in time. The more you can live your life AS IF, the more your reality will align with your “fantasy”.”

    That paragraph has inspired me to get your ebook. I really look forward to reading your words… as some feel a little foreign to me (since I feel more tight and serious than soft and melty) but I feel drawn to your words, wanting them to sink in with me, and help me to let out the feminine, sexy, loving woman I truly am.

    I love your as if tool and am heading up to take a warm bath and fantasize about my life, as if…. I feel certain it will bring much clarity to what I desire for my life. Thank you! You look so gorgeous by the way…. I feel inspired to have some new photos taken!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:27pm

  455. 455: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel pretty chill right now though!

    im aware that flirting with their men might trigger some women to be angry –

    wow! i don’t feel good to be told something like that -that feels weird… scary confusing!

    (and even not flirting with them does!)

    ‘does the teller think i dont know that?

    wht is their intention in telling me that?

    am i being treated like a child or like im ignorant or…

    just feels like im set up to be dismissed…

    oh you WERE flirting with them????

    oh thats why they’re angry … and therefor you deserve that, are in the wrong,

    Have control over other people’s emotions


    *I* feel angry being treated this way

    I don’t want to be at an acquiatance’s house, ex’s house,


    and the woman starts hitting him (she did)

    and then chases me

    i don’t want ANY drama

    that is NOT OK for me

    not something i want to tolerate no matter WHAT that woman is feeling, or WAHT ive been doign

    if i was sleeping with this guy… i still WANT to be treated well

    and you know waht

    i have a right to sleep with whoever i want

    just cuz you go Rowdy crazy doesnt mean you have more right than i do

    how about i beat *your* ass for distrubing my time!

    i dont put up with this SHIT!

    no mas

    well glad im notiving my emotions

    i feel al powerful right now

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:29pm

  456. 456: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I give up. This feels like a lost cause trying to converse with you. I don’t want to argue, explain, get upset, feel bad, anymore based on blog conversations. Especially as it just goes round and round… and there are other sirens here who I regularly converse with and feel the mutual respect, care and concern with/for.

    It’s like talking to a brick wall, who can’t consider or accept another point of view. I wish you all the best, I truely do… but I’m done. And, my posts tend to upset you greatly unless I’m praising you…. so not good for you either in my opinion.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:34pm

  457. 457: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what can you do tah turn me on?=)

    ~the dishes

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:35pm

  458. 458: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    I can’t sleep.
    I just want a warm loving man to wrap me up in his arms.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:40pm

  459. 459: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    I’ll give sleep another try by imagining being wrapped up in a man’s strong protective arms.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:41pm

  460. 460: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, you said…

    Ooh! It would feel so good to be curled up in your arms and reading with you right now!

    That sounds leaning forward to me still. How about
    I love being curled up, snuggled and reading with someone special. I miss that. leaving out the you’s…. that way, it could be interpreted as with any special man… not just him. What do you think?

    I wonder when it’s appropriate to use “you” in feeling messages and when it’s too much. This will be a struggle for me. I feel I’ll come across as aloof without any you’s, but needy with them. Wondering if there is a happy medium.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:44pm

  461. 461: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turqoise – imagine how you would feel being asked

    “were you flirting with other women’s men? cuz that tends to bring angry women”

    in public

    you wouldn’t feel OFFENDED OR PATRONIZED AT ALL????

    it felt bad to me

    i found a lot of my own judgments though behind that – judgments about flirting with other women’s men, looking respectable and ‘moral’ in public, being thought of as “good”, being honroable and fair, status of “whose man is it” etc.

    so thank you for the trigger

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:46pm

  462. 462: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria –

    OMG!!!! What happened? The woman you said was watching for you came out and attacked you?????

    You did good not to fight. There was nothing to fight for. She was insecure, clearly. The world is full of beautiful women and she went after someone she thought she could catch.

    There was no reason to fight her.

    Men put us in that situation. He knew that looney was loose cannon. I’m angry at him!!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:46pm

  463. 463: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lili, I’m sorry you feel sad. I wish I could make it better. Sometimes, life just really sucks. I hope you get a good nights rest and feel better in the moring. Hugs!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:46pm

  464. 464: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    Okay, I’m putting my anger aside and I’m focused on you.

    I’m so sorry you had to go through such a bad experience today.

    I agree that a self defense class might make you feel better, but violence is not the way for us to handle things. That is for people who have no purpose, no life, no heart, no love, no life… we are better than that.

    There’s nothing wrong with being a beautiful woman!!! Jealousy is a part of life, You just have to steer clear of it when it gets so close to you. That man should have held his beast down – chained her. He probably gets off on watching her react that way.

    I would press charged against her for attempted assault. Show her the consequences of her so called “strength” . . . it’s called a restraining order!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:49pm

  465. 465: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    at the same time, i appreciate your honesty and directness

    sorry for getting so triggered

    i have a thing about ‘keeping up family appearances’ when it comes to sluttiness

    thought of as slutty??? not OVER HEEEEREEE…..

    id rather FIGHT AND DESTROY and DEFEND like crazy

    what if i didnt have to do that?

    what if i didn’t have to monitor what other people thought of me and my family?

    that feels too scary…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:50pm

  466. 466: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    i appreciate your support but having her thought of that way doesnt feel quite good to me

    (though i did feel a lil thrill that he kinda “protected” me from her at first and at the end – and then i felt guilty)

    theres so many women, me included, that get all triggered and cope with it with control and violence around men

    my self defense thing – is more in general too –

    feeling powerful in myself – like superpower heroine – i sone of my dreams

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:52pm

  467. 467: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    tenny – im babystepping towards being angry at him…

    and also acknowledging that i might actually also feel angry that he married her… and didnt pursue me harder


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:53pm

  468. 468: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve had women angry and after me because their nasty men, who I wanted nothing to do with, wanted me. I let them know to keep him home where you can watch him because I don’t want him . . . too busy with real men.

    It’s not your fault Daria. Do you see how guys are if you just walk down the street? Minding your business and they are eyes fixed on a$$ and ti&ts. Just because I keep a smile on my face does not mean it’s for every idiot with a hard-on on the street.

    No sweetheart, it was not your fault, EVEN IF YOU FLIRTED.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:58pm

  469. 469: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    No Daria, I wouldn’t have felt angry or patronized. I would look at my behavior to see if I brought on the reaction I received, and how I felt about it.

    And your comments that your beauty is a reason you receive bad behavor sounds victimy to me. I know some extraordiarily beautiful women, who are even more wonderful on the inside. They don’t use their beauty as a crutch or an excuse. My friend Lisa is such a siren, she’s drop dead gorgeous, body to die for, married to a wonderful, successful and rich man, who she works with full time in their own business. She’s also a mother, daughter and friend. They take at least 6 vacations a year, have a huge boat, house, cars….. but the thing is, she grew up in a really small town, playing in the woods… and she talks more about where she came from than where she is now, and I have never heard her once say how beautiful she is. She knows it, everyone does… without the reminders.

    It’s nice realizing that I know some sirens, to have that living model of what it “looks like.”

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 8:59pm

  470. 470: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    He wants a cave woman, not a siren :)

    But yes, please explore that anger. Even if it involves him marrying her . . . Could you imagine being in her place, living a life of jealousy like that???? I’ve seen this before, hell, I’ve been there, with a man who want’s to make you jealous of other women. They are toxic baby, pure toxic. Life is so much bigger and better than that. I’ll be angry at him for you :)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:01pm

  471. 471: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going to bed…. haven’t been getting enough sleep lately, and part of taking better care of myself is getting enough rest!

    Goodnight sirens!!! Hugs to you!!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:04pm

  472. 472: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sorry, I’m attacking that woman for coming after you, but had a cop been there, she could have been arrested – so there something wrong with what she did, clearly. Grrrrrrrrr, I’m still angry!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:05pm

  473. 473: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    You’re welcome! I had to cum face to face with this jealousy of other women when I lost 90 lbs in my 20s. I went from being the ugly duckling to being the beautiful swan! I had no idea how to handle the jealousy of other women, and suddenly I looked like a model! Perfect size 12!

    Oh gosh! And add to that being single?! I was treated like the woman with the Scarlet Letter! The unspoken message was, “You horrible, s1utty wench! How dare you look at my husband!” I felt confused, like whaaaat? Suddenly I’m a bad person because I got two beautiful breasts, a slender waist, and a vagina?

    I had private visions of these women holding up a cross like exorcising me as a lustful d3mon! LOL!

    Like whaaaat? Suddenly I’m not a human being with feelings? It hurt! And I did fall prey to feeling less than, because I was being treated so badly.

    Now I am overweight again, but that is changing. But I know now that I am the same beautiful woman inside, and that I deserve the best. Never again will I let someone treat me less than.

    I picture myself walking tall wearing my wedding gown, on my wedding day! And I”m going to look dazzling!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:05pm

  474. 474: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:08pm

  475. 475: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    “I picture myself walking tall wearing my wedding gown, on my wedding day! And I”m going to look dazzling!”

    You go girl!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:10pm

  476. 476: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    I have an early morning. There is so much I missed on the blog this evening – I will catch up tomorrow. Hugs to everyone and anyone I missed. G’nite sirens, much luv.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:15pm

  477. 477: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Im feeling so overwhelmed with negative feelings/thoughts

    I feel sad and mad and helpless and small


    I am dealing with family drama that I’d like to just walk away from but I cannot

    And it’s bringing up old stuff – pain about my Father abandoning me (emotionally) and just feeling like he didn’t like me when I needed him soo much (in my early 20s)

    I keep going back to that time because I feel like that’s when I turned to my dark side and started hiding my feelings with drinking and cigarettes and parties and lots of boyfriends. I so did not want do be that girl but it just sort of started careening out of control and now I feel like I missed my window of fate or something.

    I feel so sad and I don’t like revisiting those feelings of rejection and my MOM did not even help me through it at all…the problem was always ME and I tried so hard to be a good student and have jobs and a degree and not bother them for money or attention or ANYTHING…and still I didn’t get the reward I wanted.


    It still hurts really f&cking bad and maybe that’s why I assume a quality man won’t ever love me for life.

    Hate this.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:24pm

  478. 478: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling negative at how I’m being treated at work too. It’s morphed from dream job to a place filled with tension…

    I keep telling myself to be positive not negative but I still spiral when all the work drama starts even if I’m not part of it….I feel affected.

    I’m really missing having a man in my life and a partner to dream about the future with. I feel sad and alone and I don’t have any kids and it may be too late for me and I feel panicked and pathetic and ashamed.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:28pm

  479. 479: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I find myself daydreaming about emailCD whom I have never met in person…and I know if he is not in front of me he does not exist….but he is so my type and the whole package…so it seems…

    Then I tell myself, Emerson, he’s probably a player, it’s too good to be true, he would not like you that much…maybe at first but then he’d probably get tired of you…you are annoying and not worth it.

    I feel totally uninspired to CD anyone.

    I feel like I look good every day with my hair and makeup always done and cute clothes but I feel SAD inside.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:32pm

  480. 480: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    So many posts! I haven’t had time to catch up…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:33pm

  481. 481: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:


    “I feel like I look good every day with my hair and makeup always done and cute clothes but I feel SAD inside.”

    Aw…Emerson. ((hugs)) Me too!

    I feel like that a lot sometimes.

    And did you know that I had an email CD as well? That was Jc, from a couple threads back, I think. It was quite the email drama, for a few days there. But now I think I’m done with him. It was all a little bit much for me. And I’m sure he was just being himself and a guy and it wasn’t a big deal. But I felt really hurt and ignored, so I responded to him once, and then just stopped. *sigh*

    He, too, seemed really interested in me and gung-ho for a guy who had never seen me before and had no real plans to meet me in person! I mean, kind of a deal-breaker, right, since you can’t really have a relationship with someone you’ve never met. And also, he spent so much time online with me and not out meeting girls, and complaining about being lonely, so…in all, maybe not such a great “catch” 😉

    I prefer “real” men!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:47pm

  482. 482: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #398 – “Thank you Lili. I feel so lost right now. Like a little kid who was so excited about getting a new gift and broke it in 5 seconds by playing with it too hard and now feeling tearful and wishing she could go back a few hours ago to get the gift again and treat it well…

    :( I feel teary.

    And I feel stupid telling you I feel teary for such a stupid thing. You have 100 more reasons to feel teary and you seem so strong. I feel guilty…”

    Awww, Lizka, what a beautiful expression of your feelings! Gentle, warm hugs to Lizka. Broken boy toys are easily repaired! What’s most important is your heart. Let’s flood it with love and compassion! Let’s feel good and do good things for Lizka!

    Beauty, beauty, beauty, infused into your beautiful heart! No need to cry, no need to feel bad. Tomorrow will come and he will contact you again, and you will have another chance!

    ATW: Good night Lizka [family name]

    Wait! What’s Lizka doing?! Lizka? Lizka! Where are you? You’re not sitting home waiting for my 45 second text?

    (the next morning)

    Lizka: Oh, it felt good to find your “Good night” text on my phone just now! I was having such a good time last night I didn’t even have time to check my phone!

    ATW: What were you doing?

    Lizka: I was out on a date at this amazing opera, and I touched a deep place in myself I never knew was there!

    ATW: You were on a date?

    Lizka: Yes, and I felt so pampered!

    ATW: How long have you been dating this man?

    Lizka: Well it was our first date…and I have another date tomorrow!

    ATW: With the same guy? Where are you going?

    Lizka: Yes, and he is taking me to see a romantic movie! I feel so excited!

    ATW: Are you free Friday night?

    Lizka: Let me check my calendar…yes! It would feel so good to spend some time with you!

    ATW: Great! I found out about a live play at a community college. Would you like that?

    Lizka: Ooo! That would feel nice!

    ATW: All right, how about dinner first? I’ve been wanting to try this new steakhouse. I could pick you up at 6, all right?

    Lizka: That feels like a good plan, thank you!

    ATW: All right, pet-name-that-you-hate. See you then!

    Lizka: “Pet-name-that-you-hate” feels weird

    ATW: Oh?

    Lizka: I feel weird telling you this, but I feel uncomfortable with being called that name.

    ATW: All right, no problem, Sweet dreams. Mouah! xxx

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:48pm

  483. 483: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel uncomfortable with my “boy” energy.

    I feel weird about my masculine. Is it too strong? Is it not strong enough?

    What about my little girl? Is she getting what she needs? Is she getting enough flowers and sparkles and ponies and cupcakes? Or is the boy getting all the attention and the trucks and hogging the spotlight, as usual? Is my girl going to come out and dance or make me a pretty drawing?

    I’d like to see what she does. I bet she’s pretty cute…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:50pm

  484. 484: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I believe in fairy tales. I believe fairy tales still come true. I believe a fairy tale romance will come true for you.

    I hug the little girl inside who needed her Daddy and he wasn’t there for her.

    Do you have a therapist?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:56pm

  485. 485: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #482 – What a precious post! That is adorable! I love how you wrote that! Let that little girl out! :-)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 9:58pm

  486. 486: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany – “Is she getting enough flowers and sparkles and pony’s and cupcakes?”

    I love this! Aw, I want to take care of my little girl too!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:01pm

  487. 487: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    “What is keeping you here is fear. It is not the fear itself, but running away from the fear is keeping you stuck.” ~ Rori Raye

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:01pm

  488. 488: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    It is now 1 am, and I have spent the entire day on Siren Island!

    And I refuse to give in to the Nasty Voices that say, “You wasted the whole day!”

    NO I DIDN’T! It was a productive day of rest and restoration, and I learned a lot! I worked hard…on feeling, thinking, and believing!

    God night!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:04pm

  489. 489: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    486: Brenda…

    And, did Rori have a recommendation after that quote…anything to help in facing fear?

    I am in a place of needing to face fears…take much better care of myself…stop procrastinating!

    And, just wrote myself a letter dated one year from today. I feel better than I’ve felt all day…struggling to get myself to do some things! Ah, the fear. I’m thinking baby steps would help…but just curious if Rori had something else to help?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:05pm

  490. 490: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    From my notes of Rori:

    The core thot is masculine feminine.

    What you would do if you could make a difference in the world?

    Read more? Look at self with compassion? Save self, save world. That is your boy’s job.

    We do not want him to feel urgent. Urgent is like a guy trying to get in your pants.

    When you feel the need to move forward and feel urgency, say thank you boy, now I’m going to let my girl stew a little bit, intuit, and feel her way.

    Get boy doing something better, something meaningful, and not letting him run you by fear.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:09pm

  491. 491: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I think I need to do the “I’m all that” exercise.
    I need to get it back to being all about me. And I’m ALL THAT.

    All that he wants.
    All that he needs.
    All that he thinks about….

    These last two days, I’ve felt pretty good about the weekend, and the time we spent together. But I still don’t have any idea where it’s all going, or what it is, or what it means. I don’t have a clear picture in my head of where I see it going (not that I want to), or a clear feeling as to whether he is Right For Me all the time, or only when he happens to be sitting next to me.

    Because right now, when he’s not here with me, in person, he is nowhere.

    He’s stopped emailing me, stopped texting me. Well, he never emailed much to begin with. But he used to be my most CONSISTENT texter. Every day, one text, at least a hi, how are you, or a good morning or good night. now, nothing. What did I do or say to make him want to stop? The first week after we met, he was calling me every day.

    Now it’s like he knows he can get away with less. Girrrr. I am being a doormat. I hate that!

    I actually sent him a text today – not really wanting to lean forward – but I said “It would feel great to talk to you, if you have time.” (see? FM – it would feel great + respecting his time).

    After an hour, he texted back that he was tired and that he has a conference for 2 weeks, which he never mentioned when we hung out on Saturday. But then I was on gmail, and saw he was on chat. hm….I didn’t like feeling suspicious, so I logged off….

    But it’s like he never assumed that he would talk to me again…It’s so bizarre. Though I can’t really know that or anything about that, because I’m not really in his head.

    The bottom line is, I think I am “training” him in such a way that he no longer feels it’s necessary for him to call me to keep my interest – even though he knows that I’m dating other people.

    So what did text back? Let’s see, first I said “Oh, I didn’t know about that. Are you traveling?” (curious). No response. And about 20 minutes later, “Ok, we can talk later (as he’d suggested). I miss u.”

    Ugh. I feel like the biggest doormat EVER. Like, “oohhhh, honey…..you just treated me so badly. You put me off, and you are making me feel ignored and unheard and unwanted and not special. And oh, by the way, I miss u so much!@!!! Please, treat me badly in the future, so I can miss you some more!!!”

    Gag me, gag me, gag me. Ugh.

    I feel so….ack. Not for THIS guy!! yes, he’s really sweet. yes, he made me food, and it was delicious. yes, he treats me great when we’re together and says all the right things. But it’s all about what’s happening between us in the moment. There’s no real connection to his life or to my life. There is just this thing; this powerful connection between us. And that’s it. Where can I go with that? what can I do with it? I can’t make any plans. I can’t make any decisions.

    I wanted to invite him to my friend’s wedding later in February. I have to rsvp for a guest by Wednesday, if I’m not going alone. He’s the only person in my “rotation” that I’d want to invite to come with me. And I actually really kind of want him there. Plus, the wedding is going to be closer to his place than mine. It makes so much “sense.” And yet, I feel nervous asking him. It feels wrong. I’m not supposed to “ask” a guy to do things. But how else can I do it? I can’t wait for him to invite himself along? And anyway, what if he doesn’t want to go? What if I ask him and he says no? Ah, there it is – there is the fear of rejection.

    That’s exactly it. I’m already afraid he is going to reject my invitation, that I’ve barely even made one. I tested the waters, saying that I had these two weddings to go to, and I’ve mentioned them a couple of times. but I haven’t said to him: “K, would you like to come to my friend’s wedding with me?” I haven’t said to him, “It would feel so good to have you there with me. I hate to go to weddings alone.” And I’m afraid that if I just wait for him to call me, then he won’t call me tomorrow, and I won’t get a chance to ask him. And then I’ll be sad.

    but on the other hand, if I don’t ask him, and he doesn’t come with me, then I’ll get a ride from a guy friend who lives near me, and he’s almost like a CD, because I can tell that he’s kind of attracted to me. But he never makes a move on me. Actually, sometimes I’m afraid he might, but not really. I could handle it. I just find it fun to flirt with him, even though I don’t see it going anywhere.

    Wow, I feel like I’m wasting so much time!

    I spend so much time thinking about my personal life and trying to “figure” this stuff out. I always laugh when EMK asks if we’re spending enough time “investing” in out love lives. Ha! I’d say I invest most of my time in my love life! I should spend more time on the rest of my life – the part that might actually sustain me or something, because this love thing is NOT panning out for me.

    How can two people love each other and not be able to say it to the other, and not be able to have the other person truly in their lives?

    I must give more love to me. I must make sure that I have room to be in MY life, and that I’m really THERE. Otherwise, there is no me to love….

    Okay, that is my massive essay for the evening.

    Hugs to Siren Island!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:15pm

  492. 492: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:


    Thanks, for replying before going to sleep! I shall think and feel on what you wrote…

    I sometimes procrastinate on things I need to do until I have to do them and it does become somewhat urgent! Work stuff, house stuff, etc…It’s like I don’t want to face things that need doing and actually must be done…that kind of thing is mostly what I was referring to right now.

    Perhaps I need to get my boy to take better care of my girl! That sounds like what I need to be doing!

    This is to be my year of taking better care of me. I just wasn’t thinking in those Rori ideas of my boy taking care of my girl!

    Thanks again!

    Sweet dreams!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:17pm

  493. 493: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Aw…thanks, Brenda; thanks, Starbright!

    Starbright, I like your name! :-)

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:23pm

  494. 494: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Aw, thanks, Tiffany!

    I totally agree with your thoughts on needing to give more love to oneself! I am so there right now!

    And, hugs to you on wanting to have a certain cd with you at a wedding! Feels like a lean back take your time with that type of situation to me. Weddings seem to sometimes scare a guy…and could be a good place to meet a new cd! What do you think?

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:30pm

  495. 495: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    WOAH, lizka, you did NOT screw anything up. Wowwww you seem really unnecessarily harsh on yourself. Even without tweaks, you seriously didn’t screw anything up. It was one little step in leaning forward and everything else leaning back. You broke a major pattern. Girl, NOTHING is screwed up. I’m sure it didn’t even phase him or register on his radar. Think of yourself as “impatient diva” instead, if it helps.

    I want you to not be so harsh on yourself. Not JUST because it’s unsireny, but because objectively you seriously did nothing wrong here.

    i feel shocked seeing how upset your “mistake” made you because to me it is nothing! You are actually doing really good!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:45pm

  496. 496: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:


    I am not feeling very happy right now.

    I am feeling a bit anxious, but I just prayed after which I felt quite calm, have just worked myself up again.

    So Man I Live With is still not home. Over the weekend Bio-Father-of Baby was visiting and Man I Live With texted me at 3:30 one morning that he came over but saw that Bio-Father-of-Baby was here and did not want to intrude (although we have all stayed in the same house before, but now that he has “taken space”..)

    Well, the next night he came over after Bio-Father had left. (texted right before he came……..) brought me a bottle of wine he had bought me but left immediately (which upset me and baby both) to go to dinner party of a “friend” of ours who is friends with this girl he slept with. (who was there.)..

    I don’t even understand why he has slept with her!!!!

    So not only has he slept with her again since the new years incident, he this weekend slept with someone else!!! A “friend” of mine, who he will not tell me, but I know, because he is afraid to tell me lest I say anything to them.

    I did not know this, when he said he would be willing to come home to sleep last night, if we could all just cuddle (him, me, baby)… he said he was even willing to listen a little if i felt the need to express myself. well i talked a bit, more than i intended though, and we slept. we ended up having sex though this morning. All was well until he got angry that I wasn’t finished with a filing project I was supposed to have done (I got the date wrong).. I got most of it done today, however while he was here we had an unpleasant conversation, no matter how hard I tried to stay calm I ended up yelling a bit and crying.

    He left, we had a bit of text exchange, and he even said he didn’t want to live with me. I decided to test him, in order to see whether he would be accepting of my compromising to meet his “needs” or whether he would just come up with something else, I offered a new angle of cooperating with his open relationship perhaps with some rules introduced, which he liked and said showed my open thinking YET that is “not our only problem”!! “and so because of the number of problems we have and still struggle with (my finances, not sure what else??) he is still open to finding a person that better fits the role of primary” ………… forgetting that these perceived problems are the result of his unloving behavior and my being left mostly on my own with baby by these two men. I feel I have tried to present practical solutions to things now and in the past which he either has tried but not stuck to or that he hasn’t been willing to try – “we’ll talk about it later” … as he is so emotionally unopen lately. then he said he thinks I have a double standard b by continuing to sleep with BioFather of Baby (… if he cared I would stop and he knows it – and the only reason I even have is because he doesn’t make me feel like he cares about me since he had said he was leaving, etc). AND by “wanting support financially yet not giving any” —– it’s a little hard to work when I HAVE NO HELP WITH THE BABY! I do my best. I get all the work I can find, and it’s not nearly enough.. but I have a child here…..(had two before this – stepdaughter, but she is out of town right now for a few months).

    YET!!!! Then, he told me that the friend whose place he’s using right now and his gf have a good therapist…… and I mentioned one I have mentioned before also.. and he asked how much she charges. I told him I would find out but didn’t get a chance to tell him yet ($175 an hour!!!! Ouch!)

    well after all that, I texted him some things which he ignored and I did my best but then gave in and I called him- not even just ONCE – but a few times in case he didn’t hear the phone cause I thought he was “out”…. (and after he has told me he appreciates me not bombarding him with calls – i know i’m SO GOOD about this). But then I called him!!!! to ask him to come home tonight…. and he spoke to me in front of this person, my “friend”, his “date” whom he has slept with, and told me, no, I don’t think I’m going to come there tonight – no- I’m SURE i’m NOT going to be coming there tonight – and I think last night caused some confusion – from the texts you’re sending (or something) … I’m going to go. can we talk about this later.

    completely humiliating!

    I hung up with him and called him back to express my anger that he does not seem to even be loving the baby, though he said he wanted to spend more time with him, i havent seen him do it (since he’s been taking “space”), He didn’t answer, so I left as gentle (tone) of a message as I could on his voicemail, and said how hurt I was – and then texted to add how humiliated I was he spoke to me like that on the phone infront of the “date” …

    I said..and I know I didnt do this right, today has just not been perfect:

    “I feel humiliated with you speaking like that to me infront of someone. I see i am important to you. That really hurt. I don’t feel cared about at all here. You are not caring for our child or me. Goodbye. Don’t ever contact me again unless you want to discuss our relationship.”

    I am scared and anxious about this, but felt better after I typed out a prayer. I feel sad, I feel worried he will not be faithful to me, that he would just replace my company… but.. he is already looking around “taking space”-sleeping with others … and I tried to do the third way, keeping him on my horse by allowing him to come around a bit to connect, as long as it felt good, and refusing to have sex with him since he had sex with someone else over New Years… (until I did today).. but obviously he is just going to try to keep me in his life while he takes a look around, and I am NOT going to play that game because our relationship and family is important to me.he even keeps saying we need to work on our friendship and find a common foundation to work from and start there. I am not going to be fed that, either. It could be rational but coming from a man, i think he is just trying to keep me in his life. I had this fear of cutting him off because I feared that would keep him from connecting!!! But.. I felt so bad tonight that i did..

    I pray God uses my words, because I am far from perfect today. I can’t believe I told him not to ever contact me again unless it’s about our relationship, but… I don’t know what else to do!!!!???

    and I’m sure he will anyway as I have to “work” for him right now, and am about to get started on the years taxes, and he will surely drop by to get things or to see us… ugh.

    sigh, whine, cry, hide..what do i do? I feel sad right now, and terrible. I feel scared but am trying to have faith that God will work this out for the highest good of our relationship if I decide to be patient for it it… and I have been learning that I should be single minded in what I want, and that has finally made sense to me –

    focusing your energy on what you WANT, not what you don’t want –

    and here I am telling him this is not acceptable for me…..but i couldn’t see a way to work that principle in and get anything in my favor.

    ugh the world should come with an instruction manual.

    I hope he comes running back!!! someone give me some uplifting words here please…

    love, silver…

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:47pm

  497. 497: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I like this song but the blonde girl makes me feel like crying because she reminds me of myself…full of hope and somehow it goes wrong…all dressed up to go out and get drunk…


    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:51pm

  498. 498: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    thx brenda and tiffany

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:53pm

  499. 499: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    i hate cops

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:55pm

  500. 500: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    in the end all i did was thank CF for explaining. he was explaining himself and i felt glad that he was communicating with me. i didn’t send any other messages.

    i called him to come pick me up from dinner as planned and he was asleep and out of it when he answered the phone…he sounded cranky and unwilling to come (me triggered, making up dramatic stories in my head) so i started to question and overfunction and feel cold and unloved, and he certainly wasn’t seeming any warmer or happier on the phone, and then when i went back inside to wait for him to come, it occurred to me that i was MAKING UP PROBLEMS in my head, being triggered from my mom and my exes SLEEPING THROUGH times they were supposed to be there for me.

    and so I put on a smile and waved at him when he came and I climbed into his car for the most relaxing and lovey ride home ever:) And more showering of Starla with affection and love and pampering back at my place, until i had to kick him out.

    he said many things about seeing me more this week, planning a certain date and telling me he is going to be sure to see me before then too.

    he really hears me when i let him know what would feel good to me. He really cares about making me happy:) This is great since men are not psychic.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:55pm

  501. 501: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    they make bad boyfriends

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:55pm

  502. 502: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t believe this, after the perfect phone call we had the other day… i got sucked into his complaints today, feeling hurt that he thinks i just didn’t care about getting it done on time….

    its like such a fine balance.. and i don’t know…

    i m confused by his up and down behavior. i guess he is confused as well.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 10:56pm

  503. 503: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    and of course he just called me. he left a message.

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:02pm

  504. 504: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Tanya – forgive me for going in this direction, tho you didn’t ask – I’m very familiar with Fibromyalgia, and with different alternative treatments. I’d like to encourage you to find a holistic healer with a track record with this who can clear it up for you – there are several protocols – first deals with candida and inflammation, second uses movement like yoga, and some more I know of….and with plain supplements like probiotics, cod liver oil, adaptogens, vitamins – your hormones and energy level can improve dramatically. That said – for now…just do what you can and stay open. You can turn your low energy into calm and serene – and that’s very attractive. I have a friend with MS and diabetes who met her dream man, told him about her health on the 3rd date, and brilliantly and happily married him. Love, Rori

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:07pm

  505. 505: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    (((Silver Tongued Siren)))

    I keep hoping you can find another way – a third way or something…renting a room somewhere rather than depending on either of these men? I know you are in a tough spot. You deserve so much more than is happening here! The open relationship doesn’t feel like anything you truly want from what you have said in your posts. Yet, at this point you have these two men so in that way an open relationship is being chosen it seems.

    It seems complicated and not sure how one can get one of the men to commit here if two men are in the picture? What do you really want? What would the relationship truly look like? It sounds tough where you are and hoping for all the best for you and baby!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:11pm

  506. 506: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    i feel satisfied that he sounded pained and said “alright well i hope you sleep well. (big sigh) goodnight. bye.”

    i am still feeling pretty angry.

    yes starbright…i intend to keep a monogamous rlsp. and yes hopefully something will work out soon that will help this situation. thank you for the hugs,, definitely need them right now. gotta go to bed for now, have to be up in a few hrs….. love you Sirens!!!

    Monday, 30 January 2012 @ 11:39pm

  507. 507: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    email from Rori….

    This is Rori

    These are the top 6 things (so far) holding you back from lifelong love (and I’m going to just sketch them out here and then expand on them bit by bit):

    1. Urgency

    Urgency happens when your boy energy – your inner Knight in Shining Armor – is going unemployed.

    He’s foundering.

    You’re giving him nothing to do.

    The solutions :

    ***Adopt a new mantra – “I have all the time in the world…”

    ***Circular Dating!

    ***Find and DO the things that create passion in you – artistic things, creative things, volunteer activist things…

    Give your inner “boy” a task that’s meaningful, complex and will get RESULTS!

    What happens now is – the urgency fades!

    2. NOT doing Circular Dating properly.

    Specifically – if you’re actually dating: Not doing Online Dating properly with a good photo and profile and knowing how to handle the emails and the calls and meetings.

    And if you’re in a relationship: Not allowing yourself to be 100% open to every man who shows up in your space – wherever you are – and using that opportunity to practice the Tools.

    This is something your inner “boy” will grab onto with all teeth if you really assign the job to him!

    If you really put your heart and soul and grunt work into DOING this.

    3. Deciding your “Biography” is your “Destiny”

    Just because it happened to you, just because you “did” that – no matter how many times – doesn’t mean it has to happen or you have to do that again. You get a fresh start every moment.

    Go watch “Groundhog Day.” Yes, a film, that illustrates the process of learning.

    It may take you a thousand false starts and dead-ends to learn where the best next step is for you…and it might take you one day. The thing is – if you don’t take it one day at a time, one moment at a time, if you try to leap ahead (the way

    Bill Murray does in many of his “days”) – you’re guaranteed to be inauthentic.

    And nothing really works when you’re not being authentically who you are – however you are.

    Most important – who really knows who we are? So the process of authenticity is a process of discovery, too…

    No leaping! Baby-step-by-baby-step!

    4. Seeking to be in charge of LIFE and by so doing stepping down from being in charge of YOU

    Here you succumb to the tyrant voices inside your own head and you make them real.

    Here, you believe God is speaking to you through your tyrant voices – and they are all so truly love-starved and frightened, they cannot be the voice of God.

    Your inner voice, the voice of God will calm you down. It will slow you down. It will feel peaceful no matter what.

    The voices of urgency inside you are tyrant voices that you must heal.

    5. Trying to heal yourself inside by “conquering” instead of loving.

    If you don’t like the way you feel, or the way you acted, or what you said, or what you thought…it will hold you back.

    If you rag on yourself – what’s out there will rag on you, too…because, really – that’s your choice!

    Mistakes are part of the process.

    You cannot discover anything new or get anywhere new without making mistakes. You have to feel your way through each step along the way

    You have no choice here but to love what you feel, the way you act, what you say, what you think…and then to make DIFFERENT choices in the next moment.

    Blame is so useless and worthless – and yet, along with shame and guilt, blame runs us from the inside.

    Make it your business to become aware of how blame, shame and guilt are operating inside you and making you do and say what you do and say on the outside.

    And instead of blaming, shaming and guilting yourself even more for what happened, what you did and said and everything else – including how you feel – instead of trying to conquer all that…just love it as it is.

    Accept how it happened. It happened. Don’t try to undo what’s been done – instead – focus on being AWARE of what happened, how you felt, what’s going on with you, and love the idea of undoing the pattern that makes things repeat themselves.

    Be a detective of you. Don’t judge yourself – you can’t learn if you judge.

    Free yourself up to take a new step in a different direction.

    To experiment.

    Try something new.

    Love it all just because it’s the best choice to make, the most freeing choice.

    If “forgiveness” needs to come first before love for you – then forgive yourself for even thinking about blaming yourself…and let go enough to take another step.

    Then love what you forgave, and love yourself for even being able to take a new step!

    6. Choosing “chemistry” over the “whole package.”

    Every relationship coach will tell you the same thing: Love does not spring from Chemistry.

    Especially if your “man picker” is off.

    Chemistry can be discovered later – after you’ve gotten through your own obstacles to intimacy.

    Chemistry can spring from intimacy. Trust. Opening up inside in someone’s presence.

    You can love someone for reasons you’ve never even dreamed of.

    I’m not saying to live your life with a man without chemistry. I’m just saying don’t make that primary, don’t choose because of it – either because there’s a lot of it or none of it at first.

    Give a man a chance.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:07am

  508. 508: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Wow look what happens when I go to bed, I wake up to 500 plus posts on here!!! I will catch up thoughout the day!!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:11am

  509. 509: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    what are your thoughts on leaning forward on a CD’s birthday? i’m going to ask this tomorrow…it’s FWB’s birthday on wednesday. He’s been doing all the texting to me and i’ve been feeling proud of my leaning back and receiving and responding well…..but on his birthday hmmm what to do! I had a gift for him, ive had it since xmas but now i’ve decided not to give it to him. So a text hmmmm but i’d like to make it cute and can one use a feeling message in a birthday text?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:20am

  510. 510: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka: I just saw this from Rori in 507 and it reminded me of your situation. I hope you can be easy on yourself like Rori suggests here.
    5. Trying to heal yourself inside by “conquering” instead of loving.

    If you don’t like the way you feel, or the way you acted, or what you said, or what you thought…it will hold you back.

    If you rag on yourself – what’s out there will rag on you, too…because, really – that’s your choice!

    Mistakes are part of the process.

    You cannot discover anything new or get anywhere new without making mistakes. You have to feel your way through each step along the way

    You have no choice here but to love what you feel, the way you act, what you say, what you think…and then to make DIFFERENT choices in the next moment.

    Blame is so useless and worthless – and yet, along with shame and guilt, blame runs us from the inside.

    Make it your business to become aware of how blame, shame and guilt are operating inside you and making you do and say what you do and say on the outside.

    And instead of blaming, shaming and guilting yourself even more for what happened, what you did and said and everything else – including how you feel – instead of trying to conquer all that…just love it as it is.

    Accept how it happened. It happened. Don’t try to undo what’s been done – instead – focus on being AWARE of what happened, how you felt, what’s going on with you, and love the idea of undoing the pattern that makes things repeat themselves.

    Be a detective of you. Don’t judge yourself – you can’t learn if you judge.

    Free yourself up to take a new step in a different direction.

    To experiment.

    Try something new.

    Love it all just because it’s the best choice to make, the most freeing choice.

    If “forgiveness” needs to come first before love for you – then forgive yourself for even thinking about blaming yourself…and let go enough to take another step.

    Then love what you forgave, and love yourself for even being able to take a new step!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:47am

  511. 511: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Why am I awake??

    No, no, feeling messages…I mean…

    I wonder why I am awake?

    I feel curious, why am I awake?


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:44am

  512. 512: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I am going back to bed, because I love myself in a healthy way.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:20am

  513. 513: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    You are awake Brenda because you feel ALIVE and VIBRANT and wonderful with love vibes coursing through your veins. 😀

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:40am

  514. 514: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens!

    LIZKA, I am so happy for you that ATW contacted you! Don’t worry, enjoy.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:38am

  515. 515: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Lolita!!!

    I will try to post a FM (as promised before) for you later when I get to my office

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:41am

  516. 516: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda so many thank you and hugs for all you help and your long long messages to me. I feel soooo supported by you! And a little ashamed that I was not so supportive to you when it was your time. I’m sorry.

    “Broken boy toys are easily repaired”

    Hahaha that made me laugh, and smile, it feels good to read. And it feels hopeful. It’s exactly what I needed this morning. I think I’ll use it as my Facebook status, it’s too cute.

    The only thing, I’m not sure I would tell him I’m out on dates. I don’t want to make him jealous on purpose, it would look like a game. And I DON’T want him to start telling me if he’s dating. If he asks, I would maybe say I’m out with a friends and we had so much fun bla bla bla. And if he ask about his boy, I would stay mysterious and say “mmmm, do I feel some jealousy here?” And then 😉

    By the way, you seem to be doing SOOOO great! I feel surprisedn and happy for you. You give super good advices and are so supportive! Wow! I always thought that the best way to learn (and memorize), is to teach what we know. When I was in University and I had big “by-heart” exams, I was teaching to my dog, lol, she’s the only one who would listen and not be bored by the Second World War or the Feminist history in the XIXth and XXth centuries. Lol.

    Keep the good work Brenda!!!!


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:02am

  517. 517: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    513 Silver Moonbeam

    I like that, and feel the same way about Brenda! Brenda, you give really good advice and perspective when you feel happy and loved. Thanks for sharing and SM, that was beautifully expressed!

    I got 6 hours of sleep last night, hoped for more, but feel more rested than I expected. Tonight my goal will be 7 hours.

    Good morning sirens, let’s make it a beautiful day!!!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:04am

  518. 518: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I am so tired, I didn’t sleep too well… thinking and thinking of all that for a long time… I need a big big big coffeeeeeeee!

    I’ll be Goddess of coffee for today, ok?

    Hi Lolita, thank you!!! :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:05am

  519. 519: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm…. he just called to say good morning to my oldest and we chatted for a few minutes, him telling me about his drive to work, what he was seeing (beautiful houses and wondering if it ever floods there). I gave a couple feeling messages, and asked a few questions, but curious ones related to what he was sharing. Another thing, he has commented before that when he would try to get off the phone, I’d keep talking or wouldn’t let him respond, which I felt was more bad phone connection than anything…. but when you actively listen and mirror, makes a difference. When he said he had to go he also said I’ll talk to you later and have a good day. I said “you too, bye.” He said bye, and that was the last word.

    He said he tried to call our daughters phone, but she has it off in the morning, which is true. But I’m glad he called and we had a nice little conversation. It reminded me of old times. One of our favorite things to do was to drive around and look at houses, especially when visiting a new area. We shared what we liked about each, what we’d want… and this weekend he did it, and again this morning. Felt like old times. Remembering that emotional connection, sharing that dream. I’m glad I didn’t lean forward and conact him yesterday, even with something about the house or the girls…. feels better when he contacts us!

    Dominique, I really feel inspired by your as if tool. If I imagine our relationship as if it would be if we get back together, it would be similiar to how we live now for a few years, as he has a few more years until he can retire, so he won’t live here. It would be him coming home on weekends, planning vacations, and conversations. It feels easy to imagine what that would look like, and not feel disappointed that I don’t see him more. But what I like best isn’t how I’m feeling about him, it’s feeling that satisfied, glowy, warmness in my heart of feeling loved and cared for. I feel AS IF, I’m in a loving relationship already! Thank you!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:34am

  520. 520: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #21 Mochaberri

    Sorry but that made me LOL!!! At his puzzlement over all your FM’s not you. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:40am

  521. 521: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Today, I’m going to dress and do my makeup AS IF, I’m going to see the most gorgeous people, and get my little one ready AS IF, it’s a super special day, not just a Tuesday. I’m going to work and feel AS IF, I’m getting another raise soon :)

    Manifesting appreciative glances, a very happy little girl, and a pleasant yet productive work environment. Off to start my day!

    Lizka, it will be ok… he did contact you, that is the most important part. You let him step up to do that and like you said, big changes from how you would have reacted before. He has to be noticing that! Maybe get a really special coffee treat this morning to start your day with. Hugs!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:44am

  522. 522: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla 495 –

    Thank you soooo much!! That feels so good to read!! Yes, since this mornig I realize it wasen’t that bad. He probably didn’t notice anything, or maybe he did noticed that I didn’t beg lile I use to do. i took good notes, I am prepared to be super sireny next time.

    Thank you for your support siren! xoxo

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:10am

  523. 523: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess –

    Thank you for your post. Even though I’m feeling much better abou it this morning, what you copied for me feels very inspiring and helps a lot.

    I think I just had a moment of panic last night, maybe because of the pressure.

    And I forgave myself for what I’ve done. And I’m starting to loving it.

    Have a goodday LG! xoxo

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:14am

  524. 524: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise –

    Thank you. Where did Dominique posted this As If tool? I feel curious! I want to learn more!!

    But I think I get it:

    Today I’m gonna smile and be happy as if I acted the most sireny possible with ATW last night. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:17am

  525. 525: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Sensual 509 –

    I already proposed the same thing to another siren yesterday (was it Tenny? Or Siren song? Can’t remember)…

    Maybe make him a very very nice card all by yourself? And the siren added “to write him a poem” and to add your own touch, you could write the poem in feeling messages!!!! :)

    Whatdo you think?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:23am

  526. 526: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson 507 –

    Thank you for posting it.

    Madr me realize I should slow down on the urgency… I have all the time in the world! I’m only 26 :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:35am

  527. 527: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #128 Brenda

    Oh sigh, that house thing sounds like me, it’s heaven to have your own space, last year I lived with my daughter, her partner and 2 grandchildren for 3 months and this year with my sister for 3 months.

    As much as I love them all it really is hard work living with other people, we all have our own ways. And I am sure they all felt exactly the same with me living with them.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:40am

  528. 528: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, on her website. Click on her name here and it will take you to her page. Then, go to the blog. I think that is where I read it.

    Off to have a wonderful day with my pretty makeup, silky hair, favorite jeans and coral colored top… to feel amazed at my wonderful day!!! I also have a happier little girl this morning, who was woken up with kisses, cuddles and tickles… wearing a favorite outfit who had strawberries with sugar and hot tea for breakfast. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:40am

  529. 529: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:


    I feel happy that you like Dominique’s latest article…

    Elle is me…and I don’t mind sharing that with you all.

    Powerful stuff in there…

    And I also feel excited and happy for you with the way things are going for you and HIM. Let’s give him a new name.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:48am

  530. 530: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    I may need to change my name to Elle.

    Dominique…what do you think? I know you are especially fond of “Lilybelly” but what do you think?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:49am

  531. 531: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: “You are awake Brenda because you feel ALIVE and VIBRANT and wonderful with love vibes coursing through your veins. :D”

    Right on! That’s it!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:50am

  532. 532: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #516 – You’re welcome! When I made that fictitious text between you and your man, it was more to give you an idea of a vibe shift you could have. Cding is a challenge to me. I just am too in love with Ryan to feel much interest in other men, altho I have tried.

    After Sunday night? I have lost all interest in CDing. I am not saying I won’t altogether. But we’ll see.

    I think you were very supportive of me when I was going thru it, and I appreciate that!

    Yes, I agree, teaching is the best way to learn. That’s cute that you were teaching your dog! LOL!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:57am

  533. 533: Lili 41No Gravatar says:


    Goodmorning Lizka.

    I see your little ray of sunshine peeking out and slowly coming out.

    I managed to fall asleep by midnight.
    That’s better than the night before at 3am.

    I feel so sad, droopy and heavy this morning.
    My face feels long and heavy :(

    I feel like a zombie, just floating around, drifting from thought to thought.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:57am

  534. 534: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I also meant to say I continue to feel unsure about TELLING a long term man like that about a date. I was approaching the thought yet again when I went on the date with Hippie last Thursday. I was asking myself what I would tell Ryan if the subject came up.

    If I told him I went to a concert, his first question would be who did you go with? And Ryan is acquainted with Hippie from church, so I hope Hippie doesn’t tell him. I mean, it even still could come up. Ryan and I aren’t exclusive, so I am free to date.

    But I am never sure what to say. I know last night on the teleseminar, Rori talked about telling a man you were on a date when she made reference to CDing.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:00am

  535. 535: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #530 – If you changed it to Elle, then I confuse you with Ella.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:02am

  536. 536: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:


    Thanks Brenda.. That answers the question. :-)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:14am

  537. 537: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #187 SLV

    I am a Phenomenal Woman too!!

    I love to hear her read Still I Rise as well.

    Does my sexiness upset you?
    Does it come as a surprise
    That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
    At the meeting of my thighs?

    I too have diamonds at the meeting of my thighs. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:16am

  538. 538: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #536 – But since I already confuse you with Lili, maybe Elle is fine, if that is what you prefer. Or you could call yourself, “Gorgeous”! :-)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:19am

  539. 539: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #240 Sun Goddess

    I had a hysterectomy about 15 years ago and I was fine, it takes a while to get over it sure but is better than the alternative which I think in your case is you “dodgy” cells?

    Plus you save HEAPS of money on tampons and sanitary pads. 😀

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:25am

  540. 540: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    What I have heard Rori say for 2.5 years, I am finally understanding and more able to do. In order to shift our vibe, we have to have a full, fun, happy life already. It is not a man’s job to make us happy. He wants to be around a woman whose life is already happy and exciting in order for him to feel a thrill around us.

    For the longest time, I grappled with that, because I had certain views of romance that cancelled that concept out. I saw romance as the excitement. How could I possibly be happy without romance? So it’s taken me quite a bit of time, because it’s hard to get involved in the mainstream of life when you are coming from a place of lifelong depression.

    I am still in process, of course, but I have learned to create balance in my life by doing fun, happy activities, even in the midst of hard times in my life. Like last summer, I swam almost every day even tho it was one of the hardest, worst summers of my life, and it really helped me get thru.

    I am not sitting home waiting for the phone to ring. That’s what’s important. I circular date myself a lot, just doing fun things with friends or by myself. It’s funny tho, I feel so connected on this blog that sometimes when I”m out, I’d rather be home on the blog, LOL! With my friends around the world!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:26am

  541. 541: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #538 Lillybelly

    I feel it should be some name something to do with your stunning eyes. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:27am

  542. 542: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I love the name Elle and I see it as a derivative of Lilybelly(e). It feels beautiful to me. Thanks for sharing your story I felt really touched and moved reading it. So awesome to be so raw with another human being, even in the face of all your fears. Really touching.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:30am

  543. 543: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:


    Ahhhhh, thank you, SM… you are too sweet. Once a dude told me I could “shine deer” with my eyes. lol

    Brenda? Gorgeous? That feels good but not a name I would openly call myself.

    I think we’ll stay with Lilybelly.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:31am

  544. 544: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #240 Sun Goddess

    Sorry if that last message of mine sounded a bit offish.

    I meant the alternative to having a hysterectomy is for you unthinkable and of course I don’t know your age and you may want more children, I think I was about 43 at the time and I didn’t want any more children.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:35am

  545. 545: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #543 Lillybelly

    What about Bambi then?? 😀

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:36am

  546. 546: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Where is your story to which FW referred?

    How about “Woman”?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:37am

  547. 547: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – #454 – Wow what beautiful words, thank you! I feel really touched, very warm and fuzzy inside.

    I hope you had a lovely bath and as you sank into the warm water an hopefully big bubbles, you created your own AS IF. Hold it close to your heart.

    Remember though that when your AS IF shows up, but you may miss it if you are focusing on the a “particular”.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:42am

  548. 548: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:


    Brenda~ It is on Dominique’s blog. It was the article she put out last week about broken hearts..

    If you need the link, let me know.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:57am

  549. 549: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Ok, I’ll check it later…got to go for now.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:00am

  550. 550: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – #519 – YES!!! I’ve been having such good feelings with the more recent unfolding of your life and mostly how your entire demeanor has shifted. He has shifted right along with you. Good stuff.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:01am

  551. 551: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelly – I will SO miss Lillybelly, but I love Elle. It takes on many meanings, some of which I have not yet shared with you.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:07am

  552. 552: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Women,

    Does anyone have a FM Birthday Wish in French FM, for my ex-fiance of 14 years ago…? And no, I am not hung up on him still! I just want to write something in FMs.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:12am

  553. 553: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    By Women I mean ‘Siren Awesome Sister Women’ btw

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:13am

  554. 554: ElleNo Gravatar says:


    It’s official, I have changed it to Elle. It feels so soft and vulnerable and pretty to me. I may change it to that in real life…

    I am looking forward to hearing the meanings it has taken on for you, Dominique.. whenever you are ready.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:14am

  555. 555: ElleNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you, FW. I have been feeling quite vulnerable in sharing this in it’s entirety..fear of being judged for not doing things the “way” I was supposed to, for not continuing to see other men in order to keep my heart safe and getting too attached. But, I also believe that everything happens for a reason and I have learned so much about myself….my capacity to let go and truly open myself up…and also…about not running. I didn’t run and this was huge for me.

    I don’t believe my story with T is over yet but I am working on me…

    Thank you for your support..

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:18am

  556. 556: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I sooo want to control, want to manipulate outcomes, want to lean forward and say “I LOVE YOU; DON’T YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU SILLY BOY? AND that you love me too”

    But guess what? I’m sooo not:)

    I am changing my patterns. They die hard but I am ever so lovingly vigilant:):)

    I noticed I get a rush from urgency.

    I noticed I will find new drama stories to get roped into, rather than sit uncomfortably with uncertainty.

    I almost started a big serious talk with CF yesterday but let it all go when he had offered his thoughts on the matter.

    I respect that man and I respect myself too.

    *circular dates*

    la la la

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:21am

  557. 557: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Argh… I’m in moderation with my new name…

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:21am

  558. 558: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Does anyone have a FM Birthday Wish in French FM, for my ex-fiance of 14 years ago…? And no, I am not hung up on him still! I just want to write something in FMs.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:30am

  559. 559: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Today’s note to me from The Universe (TUT)

    Actually, Barb, nobody “needs” to be corrected. They know when they’re acting up, or will soon find out.

    Poor behavior within your proximity, however, is always a tip-off that someone else might correct what they’re thinking, saying, and doing.

    Advanced Metaphysics 101,
    The Universe

    Just as good behavior within your proximity, Barb, is just one more cause to celebrate your savoir faire.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:32am

  560. 560: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #276 Aurora Girl

    Awwww that was lovely to read.

    Does he have a brother? 😀

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:37am

  561. 561: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle!! :) I love the name Elle :) I want to name my daughter that one day :)

    LG #510 thank you…I needed to read that :)

    I think I want to change my name too….

    I am feeling really happy and peaceful this morning…I got my eyelashes done yesterday and I have a cut and color today…I love pampering :)

    so I too intend to notice when I feel “urgency” and not to DO something about it when it comes to men…yes I can see how when I want to hurry it along it never really works

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:40am

  562. 562: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @204: lk says:
    “…@SLV 202
    do you want to become pregnant ?….”

    No, not again. How about you?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:40am

  563. 563: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique :) I just read your blog post..that felt really beautiful to read…the AS IF tool is so powerful

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:49am

  564. 564: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I only looked at the blog briefly this morning and saw the development of Lizka’s story. Want to say Lizka that you did well for most part and to stay in the game in my opinion the best thing is to remove any pressure. Just be happy he contacted you next time, stay passive and feminine, answer his questions. I took his ‘soon’ as positive, but in any case you can’t make anyone commit to a definite plan if they don’t feel like it at the moment. You can just observe and make decisions about your own plans.

    And the third way is to try to meet other people – that what I felt reading your conversation. What do you think?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:52am

  565. 565: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Brenda I had no idea you would be doing the teleconference, I wish I could afford to.

    Did you pay in installments? I never really checked it out, just saw $197 and then went :(

    How was it?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:55am

  566. 566: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #404 Brenda

    😀 lol

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:58am

  567. 567: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Regarding my own story – I had a nice 2nd date last night and got a few concerns too :)

    The reason he doesn’t make plans in advance is that he and his ex share their son’s time 50/50, but she keeps on changing plans with no notice. She can easily say the boy doesn’t feel like seeing his Dad one day or tell him that her plans changed and bring the boy to his house. He says that the system is on her side and he is not successful in fighting this.. which feels surprising to me, since he left her the apartment and supports her 100% (she works one day a week only), including a nanny!

    I felt that he is very hurt by the situation and I don’t want to be caught in the middle or become his confidant/friend figure, as opposed to a woman in his life. I do want to be his friend though. Last night I just held his hand and at the end said: you are so very smart, I know you will figure something out! It is hard not to jump in and start making suggestions though.

    Also, I would prefer to talk less about it on dates.. and make it more about me. Hmm how do I make it happen..

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:03am

  568. 568: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    finally, after like 2 weeks of extra pmsing misery, my period came

    now i have to deal with the insurmountable fatique and pain of a very late pcos period, but i feel so relieved that it’s here.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:06am

  569. 569: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens

    I just wanted to share that I’m no contact now for four days.

    I did not text
    I did not email
    I did not drive by
    I did not internet search for info on his new woman
    i did not dwell on the feelings that come when i know he’s thinking of me or talking about me (i see this as the psychic cords….I have a big pair scissors i visualise to cut the cord with)
    i did not spend any length of time talking about it with friends or family
    i did not cry for longer than 10 minutes (thats a miracle)

    I WILL continue this and purposefully decide to NOT do any of these things even if I’m tempted

    I did post two new profiles on new sites
    I did turn off old profiles on POF & RSVP (he knew they were there)

    I did go out with friends
    I did make more plans for dinner with friends
    i did chat online with long-time guy who gives me lots of feel goods and practiced FMs (I’m new at this)

    I did remember to eat today and made myself dinner
    I said thank you for compliments i got at work about looking pretty (why does heartbreak make me look pretty?!)
    I did practice sending out love and gratitude
    I’m proud of myself

    I’m still not sleeping very much, but I read on here until I’m really tired.

    Oh – and I did go to work. Every other time this has happened I’ve been so hysterically upset I had to take sick leave.

    Thank you for being here and giving me inspiration and support and new tools – I’m surprised at myself and seeing I’m stronger than I thought I was :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:09am

  570. 570: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    big hugs, peaches, glad to see you are feeling strong!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:16am

  571. 571: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    I need suggestions from the Sirens! Does anyone have a FM Birthday Wish in French FM, for my ex-fiance of 14 years ago…? And no, I am not hung up on him still! I just want to write something in FMs.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:20am

  572. 572: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    No I don’t Lolita. I am also wondering why do you want to say more than just Happy Birthday? A feeling message is generally about what you are feeling in the moment.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:23am

  573. 573: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    thank you starla – i feel warm reading that from you!

    (i’m glad your pmsing is over-hormones jumping always make things worse for me, until i remember the evening primrose and vit B6)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:23am

  574. 574: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Your are doing fabulous! Keep it up Siren.

    Well I have LEANED WAY BACK….and guess who? “T” shows up in town yesterday…..texts me that hes in town and would like to talk.

    I went to meet him stayed calm leaned back only spoke what I was actually feeling.

    It worked! It feels so good to be authentic and although I didnt hear “what I wanted to” It just feels ok because Its truth.

    The calmness of our conversation created a space for truth.

    Seems very up in the air still……Im supposed to meet him at lunch……well see how it goes.

    Im feeling very STRONG and I am not angry or hurt anymore THANK God I felt all those feelings and processed them before I saw him again.

    I do know that if he doesnt step up….I will let him go.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:25am

  575. 575: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @SLV 560

    hmmmmm yes i do ! but i want my body to feel stronger first before that happens : ))) i’ve been lazing around a bit in recent months : )

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:27am

  576. 576: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita, I read your query this morning and I thought, “hmmm she should just lean back.” But depends on what your ultimate desire is with this man. If you feel attracted to him and would like him to pursue you, that is different than just friends for life.

    I DO like to say “Happy birthday! I feel so happy that you’ve been on this Earth with us for XX years!”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:27am

  577. 577: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    and Sirens……..just for confirmation……

    “T” texted me about two hours after I shifted my vibe…and what helped my vibe shift was feeling excited to meet one of my CD’s that I had been chatting with!

    Just as soon as I let everything go and was looking hopeful to MY future regardless of who was in it…….

    Theres the text…….and hes in town!

    This stuff works!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:29am

  578. 578: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    owwwww, glorious, crippling cramps

    i love you, sharp pains!

    thank you body for moving and obeying your biology, even though it feels labored and painful!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:29am

  579. 579: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @camille 572


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:31am

  580. 580: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:34am

  581. 581: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    Camille – thank you!

    I’m so glad you’re feeling very strong too and did great leaning back.

    I like your post – I found when I saw exSW last friday, even thought the whole conversation wasn’t overall great, I was authentic, and I know what you mean about ‘the calmness of our conversation created the space for truth’. I saw glimpses of that too when I was very calm and used FMs.

    I feel sad there wasn’t enough calmness for great big truth, but I’m happy I’m getting to understand and see how being authentic makes all the difference.

    Hope your lunch goes well… :)

    I think I’ll sleep now – goodnight inspiring sirens!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:36am

  582. 582: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohh thank you sirens, for being here for me these last very hormonal 3 weeks. I didn’t have any angry outbursts and I controlled or made serious attempts to control any URGENCIES i felt with CF, even though I felt sooo hormonally compelled to.

    I almost feel like my body/universe gave me this extra long PMS so I could learn to better handle the hormones and trust my instincts.

    you ladies have been a HUGE help. I wish I could buy you all coffee to say thanks (when I can physically move lol)

    I feel special being the only woman in the office, and feeling this tremendous pain.

    These guys don’t know anything about life giving

    Actually, they do, they are one half of the whole.

    ohhh men, i love you!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:36am

  583. 583: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    @525 – Liska
    @569 – Lolita

    re. birthday message. Thank you Liska, I’m all excited that you suggested a little poem because I actually already wrote FWB just a little, 4-line very funny limerick about him that i’m sure he’l love, i just felt a little scared that sending it was too leaning forward.

    i’m maybe going to send him just a text.

    (the funny 4-line poem about him,) followed by “Happy Birthday! I feel happy to have you in my life! :)”

    if anyone thinks it’s too leaning forward feel free to comment!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:44am

  584. 584: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I love Starla’s suggestion to Lolita re: bday wishes :)

    My date last night complimented me! He said: you are very, very feminine!

    What do I say to him next time so that we talk less about his ex situation? I did ask if he stopped loving her and he said – that happened long time ago. But she is still a big part of his life because of their son. And she sounds very aggressive.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:44am

  585. 585: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    & Liska, I was keeping up last night, I felt like you made great babysteps and by doing nothing now, he’ll reach out again and you can make even more babysteps next time but simply mirroring and being sweet and receiving…..in a few weeks time, i’m feeing positive it’ll be great! :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:45am

  586. 586: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    speaking of birthdays, i just wished my male friend/last boss a happy birthday on the phone, and he seemed annoyed, but honestly i think he’s just socially awkward.

    i take it all so personally, though.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:49am

  587. 587: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I’m starting to have a love hate relationship with this blog. O like the fact that i guided me and I’m
    More aware etc. But i feel frustrated when I read some advice that seem passive lilke we are women of the 5

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:08am

  588. 588: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Well I did send the Bday wish on FB, it’s not because I am inteterested in him, he lives in another country now and has a long standing gf!

    I sent: Happy Birthday Mr. X, wishing you lots of happy moments

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:10am

  589. 589: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Luzydel 585

    “But i feel frustrated when I read some advice that seem passive lilke we are women of the 5”

    i feel curious to hear more about this… what are women of the 5 ?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:12am

  590. 590: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    oops 😳 I’ll post this later…when I’m online.

    @208: Brenda says:
    RE: #202 – I saw a news section showing a 70 year old mother of a newborn! They said modern technology pretty much removes the limits! …”

    That’s usually for surrogate type births where the woman receives another woman’s egg and then gives birth to the donor’s baby. I think I’d rather have the other woman give birth to her own child and then adopt it…easier, healthier…and maybe cheaper.

    I personally won’t be doing either. But I believe a woman can become a mother at any age, one way or another.

    BTW, and speaking of babies I just saw on news a woman had given birth to 14-pound baby. That’s a big one!… especially for a non-surgical birth. A little teddy bear. Actually a big teddy bear! I saw him on TV. He’s cute.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:19am

  591. 591: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    luzydel, that is so interesting, and i know what you mean! what are some of the passive things youre talking about that you’re noticing/don’t like?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:19am

  592. 592: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s everyone’s birthday or what?! :)

    Happy birthday to all the siren’s CDs!!!!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:25am

  593. 593: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches ….you are doing AMAZING…yay!!!


    I feel so happy reading about your stories :)

    Lolita..it feels good to me to wish someone happy birthday when I’m not “expecting” anything…I say go for it…but that’s just me

    Starla…yay..in a few days you can start feeling like you again! lol :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:29am

  594. 594: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, it’s Mike Fiore . . .

    Today’s Q and A is one I’ve gotten a LOT over the last year on my Facebook Wall.

    Starr asks:

    “So I text my friend with benefits who I love of a year and a half that he disappointed me and I deserve
    better and I was done if he wasn’t going to respect
    me and he said “OK, good and goodbye.”

    I don’t want to let him go. I’m in love with him. What do I do?”

    And Sarah asks:

    “Mike, I’ve had a great friends with benefits situation with a guy for about 6 months now but I want more from him than just sex.

    What do I do?”

    OK, I’ve got bad news, good news, more bad news and then some medium news probably down at the bottom.

    The bad news is that it’s VERY difficult to turn a “Friends With Benefits” situation into a “relationship”
    situation (and in a lot of cases it’s downright impossible.)

    Now, that’s not to say that I’m against having a “FWB.”

    In fact, back in my single days I had “FWB” set ups several times and found them to be really positive
    experiences as long as everybody involved was honest about what they were looking for and where they were emotionally.

    My favorite “FWB” situation was with a beautiful woman 8 years my senior. She was recently out of a bad 6 year marriage (where the sexual passion had died just 3 years in) and I knew when I met her that
    the LAST thing she needed was to start dating
    somebody seriously and the FIRST thing she
    needed was to be lusted after, appreciated properly
    ravaged by a man.

    So I seduced her.

    Not that she complained =-)

    For the next year or so this woman and I had a very simple and straightforward FWB relationship where we got together every week or to sweat and grunt and giggle.

    And over the course of it we became good friends.

    Heck, to this day every time I see her I give her a big hug and smile at the memory. We both came out of that situation better than we went in.

    But a lot of FWB situations end badly (catastrophically)
    because of a lack of communication or because
    of totally different intentions at the beginning.

    So here’s a few “Rules” for “Friends With Benefits”

    1. Never get into a “Friends With Benefits” situation
    expecting it to turn into more.

    I get emails all the time from women saying “Well, he
    said he just wanted to be friends with benefits and I agreed because I thought he would fall for me.”

    Honestly, it really just doesn’t work that way. If a guy
    says he’s just looking for a sexual connection and nothing more he’s being honest and no matter how much of a sexual tornado you are it’s not going to change his mind.

    (The opposite isn’t always true. There’s a lot of reasons
    why, but women do tend to get emotionally attached to guys they sleep with pretty quickly. Damn volution.)

    2. Be Brutally Honest With Your FWB From Day One . . .

    If you start developing feelings for a guy you’re just sleeping with you need to let him know that right away and have a cold, logical, reasonable conversation about it.

    You also need to STOP sleeping with an FWB right away
    if he doesn’t immediately return your affection.

    3. FWB’s don’t go on “Dates.” If you’re having an FWB situation that means no dates and no sleepovers.

    Now, obviously, if you’re already in a FWB type situation and have fallen for the guy none of what I’ve said so far is going to actually HELP you.

    So here’s what I recommend for both of your situations:

    If you want to TRY to turn an FWB situation into a dating situation here’s what you have to do:

    1. Immediately stop sleeping with the guy. Don’t be mean about it but just say you can’t do that anymore.

    2. Text him or call him and say something along the lines of “I’d really like to hang out with you with our clothes on some time.”

    Keep it light. Don’t profess your undying love to the guy or anything like that but treat him like a guy you’ve just met who you want to hang out with. You need a “do over” to create tension and establish a real connection between the two of you that has nothing to do with your genitals.

    3. Make him chase you and date other guys. Guys only chase if they think you’re running. If he thinks you’re waiting around for him, you don’t stand a chance. You need to be coy, play hard to get and
    trigger that jealousy response in the back of his brain.

    4. Be prepared for heart break.

    Yeah, this sucks, I know. But In a lot of cases no matter what you do a guy who was a great “FWB” simply won’t want to date you no matter what.

    In fact, some guys (or women) will actually get mad at you and feel betrayed when you try to change the rules of the relationship.

    “Hey, I was honest with you and we had a really good thing going here and you ruined it.”

    The fact is that guys will eagerly sleep with women who they’re physically attracted to but don’t have any particular emotional attraction to or who they’ve disqualified as “girlfriend material” for any number of reasons.

    “Well, she’s way too irresponsible for me to date and her political views drive me nuts but MAN she looks good in that dress.”

    And no amount of baiting or trickery is necessarily going to change that.


    Long one today but it’s a big topic

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:29am

  595. 595: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    @592 thank you! love it feminine woman!

    and by the way I am not sleeping with FWB anymore…since I ended things he has been the one texting me every few days. I haven’t contacted him once, that’s why I feel a bit scared about doing the right thing on his birthday tomorrow.

    @luzydel i also feel curious. what are women of the 5? I like the advice on this blog because it is a group of women all learning and helping each other to apply Rori’s tools which we believe in. The advice is always from a Rori point of view!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:37am

  596. 596: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I just got home from work.

    My whole body feels tight, like every muscle in my body is activated to support me from falling.
    I just felt like letting it loose and just breaking down and crying, just let myself fall apart.
    I want to sink into that feeling of falling apart, so I can pick up the pieces and put them back together in a different way to create something new and different.
    I am hugging myself to give myself love and support.

    Rori replied to my email last night right after the teleclass.
    She sent me the link to last night’s recording and a link to next week’s.
    She offered a couple of alternatives to make up for the class I missed.
    She is very generous and warm.
    Her email made me feel welcomed, wanted and cared for, especially that she replied so soon after the class.

    I’m going to listen to the recording now.
    I think it’s a good way to take care of myself right now.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:42am

  597. 597: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    Actually, I sensual’s suggestion for a FM about the CD you saw on the highway.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:43am

  598. 598: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    So, truly, whatever situation you’re in – your anger is key here. Key to what got you into this situation –and how to get you out of it.

    Here’s a great letter to work with — it’s all about anger, and control, and punishing ourselves and others…


    “Rori, I don’t know what to do. My man does so much for me, and some things we talk about make me react in an explosive anger. It almost seems as if it sneaks up on me, and the angry words are out of my mouth or in my writing before I know it.

    He’s left feeling angry, hurt, used… I’ve tried to control it, ignore the way I felt about some of the stuff he’s said and then a few days later the smallest thing will make me erupt. Thank you, Carrie”

    >>>And here’s my answer:

    Carrie, I hear you totally, and I know this — you are being TRIGGERED.

    You have some huge, old, unresolved “stuff” inside, and it just gets triggered by him (likely by any man who loves you…)

    The answer is working with it.

    Just know this is about YOU — and the work you need to do is on yourself.

    Whenever you feel out of balance and angry, start asking yourself questions… you don’t need to know the “why” — try for the “what” and the “how” you feel, and see if you can work yourself out of the darker feelings into the light without forcing it…

    Try to find out what voices in your head are taking control, and why you’re giving UP that control over yourself to those Nasty Voices.

    Try to notice when you’re punishing yourself and a man with your anger.

    If you can practice expressing yourself in Feeling Messages, without blaming them or anyone else, including yourself — everything will change for you.

    You explode because that’s your habit.

    Because you only KNOW the cycle of stuff, then explode.

    I want you to learn something new, too:

    1. Catch what you’re feeling.

    2. Say out loud — to yourself, to the mirror, to your journal — what you feel in words.

    3. Realize that underneath the feeling you speak are more feelings — under anger is pain, and fear, and guilt…

    4. Know that those feelings will always be there, that they morph, and revolve, and that you cannot always resolve everything that ever caused you trauma and pain, and you cannot always make sense of everything that happens in your life.

    5. Know that the important thing is what you DO with those feelings.

    6. The most important thing is to not allow them to RUN you but allow them to speak to you.

    7. And then, turn your attention, your focus, your energy on the good and pleasant and pleasurable feelings that are inside you, too — right next to the ugly and terrifying ones!

    Right next to guilt is forgiveness. Right next to fear is bliss. Right next to rage is your funny bone.

    There’s no end to how you can move from feeling bad to feeling good WITHOUT having to RELEASE all the pent-up energy into the world, and onto other people.

    You can do it all just by following these baby-steps — and being vigilant about it.


    If you catch your feelings early — and ATTEND to them — you can tell them that you love them and that they will not run you, that you are choosing to believe the good feeling thoughts that create the good feeling feelings for now.

    Some people like affirmations — or “implants” of positive thoughts that are really just the flip-side of the nasty thoughts your Nasty Voice lives on.

    I like “Intentions” and talking to yourself about your “strengths.”

    I like flipping all thoughts around to the ones that feel the best — because they’re really all in there.

    We may believe, on the deepest, most powerful subconscious level, that “there’s something wrong with us” — but that doesn’t make it true.

    In fact, it’s utterly impossible that it’s true (for another discussion) — especially if you have any spiritual faith at all.

    So, just by knowing that the thought “There’s something wrong with me…” or “My anger hurts people…” is RUNNING you helps you STOP that thought and replace it with “I’m just fine the way I am. I’m totally unique, and the world cannot do without me exactly as I am. I’m perfect. I’m me. I’m supposed to be me, the way I am…” and then you can work through what happens when you actually start saying NICE things to yourself!

    Even though you may believe that all the “work” that needs to be done is on your “inside,” the truth is that what you do and say on the “outside” is crucial! It can profoundly affect and change what you feel on your inside

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:43am

  599. 599: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    CF texted me that class is boring today and all he can think about is holding me.

    I want to text back “Make it so!!” (star trek quote, for you non-nerds…)

    lol but this is leaning forward, right?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:00am

  600. 600: LolitaNo Gravatar says:


    You could reply: That would feel so nice

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:02am

  601. 601: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @285: Sun Goddess says:
    “…opinion. I hate to think about it though because I am such a loyal person!…”

    I second Dominique on this: second, third, or more opinons. PLUS go to your local library and get all the information you can find on the subject. If you can find online forums on the subject do that too.

    You can also use your gmail account (I suggest a fresh one for research) to set up a google alerts on the subject


    Loyalty is great. The person who gets the most loyalty is yourself. Long after your doctor has treated you and been paid, you will still have ownership and guardianship of the only body you will ever have. Trust yourself.

    Research and understand what the state of the art medical treatments are. It’s important to know and consider all alternatives; if you don’t, you are left only with what someone else plans for you.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:05am

  602. 602: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Sensual and Tenny, I think I may go with Sensual’s FM: “hi it’s nice to hear from you, I was feeling a bit disconnected from you this weekend but it feels nice to reconnect”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:06am

  603. 603: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @295: Dominique says:
    ”…Sun Goddess – I don’t want to put people in boxes or type them, but there seems to be a tendency for female GYNs to be far more wanting to keep your parts intact.

    It seems that way in my experience too. I could tell stories…. I’m sure you could also. Maybe another time.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:11am

  604. 604: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:



    mmmm, I feel excited (or peaceful) just thinking about it


    That would feel heavenly





    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:13am

  605. 605: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    how about
    i feel a crackheaded yearning just thinking about it

    haha it’s true

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:15am

  606. 606: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Girls,
    Its speech time, How can I tell T that I really need somone stable in my life, that doesnt run when things get out of whack?

    I love everything else about him, but I think hes a runner. I dont mind giving him space. But he takes it to the extreme. How can I say these things in feeling messages.

    I want to make the point that I dont have a swinging door anymore.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:22am

  607. 607: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    haha! That’s a great FM!

    I dare ya!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:22am

  608. 608: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    how bout

    i feel wet just thinking about it


    That would really distract him from school!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:24am

  609. 609: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a little embarrassed and ashamed of myself for being a little ho.


    love me anyway

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:26am

  610. 610: TanyaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m wondering if she didn’t mean to say “women of the 50’s”?

    Women were taught to be passive back then.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:27am

  611. 611: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    haha little ho

    i did basically use the one about yearning…but i used a nicer word than crackhead.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:33am

  612. 612: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    This is from one of Rori’s emails

    Sweetie, somethings bothering me, and I hate to even talk about it, because I feel so good with you…and it’s important to me that we’re just honest with each other and don’t let things get stuffed down…is now a good time to talk?”
    If he says “Yes” – then go with…“Once you said you would never marry again, I’m not sure how you feel about living together…have your feelings changed at all about this? What exactly do you see for us down the road?”
    Now stop and let him talk.
    Next – “I’m asking because I realize I don’t want to be a girlfriend all the rest of my life – even though being your girlfriend feels so great, I’m concerned that after a while, I’ll start to feel insecure and want to feel more solid…I’m just a girl here, and sooner or later, I’ll want more. What do you think?”
    Let him talk. You can always ask him…“I don’t want to be putting pressure on you…do you want me to date other men so that there’s less pressure as we go along?” — Basically this is the “No Girlfriend” speech – but with a lot more “air” and expressiveness and exploration in it – and allowing him to get involved in the discussion.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:33am

  613. 613: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I see this work at being a balance between being passive and assertive.

    We are being passive in the sense that we aren’t trying to control men and the outcome.

    Yet we are learning to be very assertive with ourselves and staying true to the the ‘relationship we want’.

    Strong on the inside, soft on the outside

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:33am

  614. 614: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    What I aid was “That sounds very distracting! I feel like a monster craving for your cuddles and kisses just reading that!”

    When we’re feeling extra touchy feely, we call ourselves “cuddle monsters” and he also calls me sleep monster because once I’m drifting off, there’s no breaking me away from my bed. Sometimes he just calls me monster as a pet name.

    i know, it’s nerdy. i love our nerdy courtship

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:36am

  615. 615: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    More cut and paste

    2 “I’m just a girl here and I can’t deal without contact – it makes me feel unloved and unwanted….I don’t know how we can be together without some conflict…I don’t know if that’s possible. Is there some way we can work to resolve conflict more easily so that there isn’t like 2 or 3 days of no communication and anger between us? It would feel so good to be able to make mistakes now and then and somehow work our way through them. It would feel great to feel secured and relaxed that way, so I could love you without feeling afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing…”
    3. -“It’s important to have a relationship in my life
    where I feel like I can count on the man to be
    there for me, and to not constantly question our
    4. -“I want the kind of relationship where I feel
    loved, and I can tell the man I’m with loves me
    and isn’t afraid to show me.”
    5. -“I want a relationship that feels safe and secure
    because the man I’m with is capable of making a
    real commitment.”
    6. -“I want to be in a relationship where I don’t
    have to feel like I’m pulling teeth just to talk
    about real issues in our relationship.”
    7. -“It’s important to me that I’m with a partner who
    is also conscious of the need to communicate and
    be honest with each other… and who can talk
    through even difficult things with love and

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:36am

  616. 616: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Starla: Nice! Just out of curiosity, what word did you use? I love hearing about the texts you two exchange.

    I feel a sense of old school romance in them.

    Thanks for sharing :-)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:38am

  617. 617: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, I just saw 612. So cute!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:39am

  618. 618: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    WOW Thank you FM! Those are helful right now

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:40am

  619. 619: LolitaNo Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:40am

  620. 620: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @537: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “I too have diamonds at the meeting of my thighs. ”

    😀 — More from Maya Angelou…

    “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”
    ~ Maya Angelou

    SLV :
    I like to see the older gals do it too … 😉

    “kick ass” meaning, I know you know, …”work your show” and finding happiness, not… actually… kicking… or hitting anyone’s… anything…

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:43am

  621. 621: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Feminine Woman,
    Thank you so much! I love you and I dont even know you!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:44am

  622. 622: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    It’s a “natural tension” and challenge of not having CONTROL and uncertainty that creates strong ATTRACTION in men.

    For men, approval-seeking behavior KILLS the spark that comes from the uncertainty of not knowing exactly how the women he’s with is going to think and act.
    You lose respect because you know you can CONTROL him. There’s nothing that triggers more intense “long-term” attraction in a healthy and mature
    man, than a woman who he CAN’T control and doesn’t get thrown off-center when her needs aren’t met.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:45am

  623. 623: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, we are super old school. For example, when we park at my house, we’ll be cuddling and kissing in the car, and he’ll say “let’s get out of this car, I shall continue to neck on you upstairs”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:46am

  624. 624: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Say, “I really like you. Probably too much to be JUST friends. This is why I’m not sure we should continue this situation unless you feel the same way.”
    If you can say this in a way that doesn’t include BLAME or guilt or pressure from you, the response a man will give will be MAGICAL.
    He’ll open up and meet you at the level of honesty and respect you’re coming at him with.
    And as tough and as “bitchy” or self-centered doing this might sound right now, this is exactly what you need to say to a man if you really want
    something more with him.
    And doing this, and only this, can get you out of your “friends with benefits” situation and into a great relationship.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:46am

  625. 625: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    613 FW

    My thoughts on those kind of feeling messages…

    they are effective fm’s, yet I do think there is a time and space for using them.

    I don’t think they are appropriate to text early on in a relationship. I feel concerned that they could be too heavy for a newly developing relationship…where a couple is just getting to know each other and the attraction is building.

    I also think timing is important. I would rather not text something like that. I would rather say it at the right time, in the right setting.

    I know for me, I used something like that very early on in my relationship with sweetie and it scared him off for a few months. He did eventually come back, so I guess they did work or at least didn’t cause too much damage.

    I just think that using them early on in a relationship and over text or email, isn’t a good idea.

    I feel curious to hear your feelings/thoughts about this.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:50am

  626. 626: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Uh-oh… 😆
    wondering if it was the mee*ting of the th*ighs or the Klck a$$. Maybe it’s b*atch..or a$$..?

    I’m in moderation for the post below…
    I thought it was an inspiring little bit. ==>

    618: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    @537: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “I too have diamonds at the meet*ing of my thlghs. ”

    — More from Maya Angelou:

    “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a b*atch. You’ve got to go out and klck a$$.”
    ~ Maya Angelou

    SLV :
    “I like to see the older gals do it too … ”

    “klck a$$” meaning, I know you know, …”work your show” and finding happiness, not… actually… klcking… or hltting anyone’s… anything…

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:54am

  627. 627: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #521 Turquoise

    Loving the shift in your vibe, you are soooo much more postive and vibrant these days. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:55am

  628. 628: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Please memorize this phrase: Beware of the Man with a Temper.

    Most women assume that I am referring simply to a man who is violent or abusive. Naturally, avoiding those types of men are a given. However, when I refer to a man with a temper, what I am specifically referring to is a man who overreacts to a situation when he is angry. By “overreacting” I am not necessarily implying that he is physically violent, verbally abusive, etc. Although again, behaving in either of these aforementioned ways would be inappropriate and inexcusable. However, what I am referring to are other ways in which a man may overreact to a situation…

    For instance, if a man ignores you for a week because you were 10 minutes late for your date – that is an overreaction.

    If a man yells at you for disagreeing with him – that is an overreaction.

    A woman who thinks that she will be able to just “talk to” or “reason with” this kind of man, is sadly mistaken. When this type of man gets angry he is not reasonable because he feels as if he is being attacked. For him it is a life and death struggle. Most men have the maturity and self-control not to even consider injuring a woman either physically or emotionally when they are angry. A man with a temper has one goal – to protect himself at any cost, even if that means hurting the woman in his life.

    What are some of the warning signs regarding a man with a temper? What if you’re already in a relationship with this type of man? Check your in box for the next newsletter within the coming days to find out the answers to these questions.

    Bob Grant

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 10:59am

  629. 629: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Laughing Goddess 621

    hmmmm….. : )

    i feel smiley because i remember that on my first date with CD, i gave him a heavy No Girlfriend speech…. like…. ” Well I’m not looking for a Boyfriend at this point in my life. I’ve had Boyfriends & I feel grateful for what I learned about relationships with them…. but I believe in One Person & Forever Love & i want that, so i’m not going to lock myself into something without feeling secure…. because that just isn’t what I want.”

    & his IMMEDIATE response was to lean in closer to me, stare me in the eyes & say, ” lk, i’d really like to take you to dinner some time next week ”

    awwwww i really really think he’s sweet & i feel happy remembering that : )

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:00am

  630. 630: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Anyone has a suggestion for my situation? Any input is very welcome :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:01am

  631. 631: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @573: lk says:
    “@SLV 560
    hmmmmm yes i do ! but i want my body to feel stronger first before that happens : ))) i’ve been lazing around a bit in recent months : ) …”

    Good idea, healthy mother is good for having a healthy baby too. I’m working on becoming healthier… but no baby, for me… unless I count a few teddy bears… the plush kind…

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:03am

  632. 632: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #567 Peaches

    Oh very well done, give yourself a big pat on the back. Take care.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:04am

  633. 633: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #572 CAMILLE!!!

    Wow this lean back stuff is working all over the blog today!!! Good luck x

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:06am

  634. 634: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I feel really good about sharing something like that in the beginning. It’s a different vibe than the other messages I was referring to.

    Some of those were talking out ‘our relationship’. To me, the first few dates don’t really count as a relationship. They are more about building attraction and getting to know each other.

    The thing I like about what you said is it was just about you and what you want, and not about him and what he’s doing wrong. It was more of a getting to know you conversation.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:09am

  635. 635: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @LG 630

    i hear you.

    if i’m “in a relationship” with a man who is not being Relationally Satisfying for me…. well…. it’s “my fault” for still being “in” it i suppose…… is that true ? i can’t tell right now….. what do you think ?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:11am

  636. 636: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok girls, I can’t wait anymore. I need to contact M and see what is going on. This is ridiculous, we have been together for 1 year and I feel so bad.

    I could call and say ‘honey, I feel forgotten, what is going on?’

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:14am

  637. 637: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t know. never mind. i don’t want to think anything is anyone’s “fault”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:14am

  638. 638: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m a little nervous and excited… January is almost over.

    My 2012 will have ten months, beginning in March which began the year for which I did the vows renewal.

    Maybe that’s about correct…

    My September = month seven
    My October = month eight
    My November = month nine
    My December = tenth and last month of 2012

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:16am

  639. 639: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lk: I actually said something very similar to what you said early on too and it did seem to draw my man closer.

    Then, after a few dates, I said something more personalized about our budding relationship over email and that’s the part that I don’t really recommend.

    I just feel concerned that sometimes when we talk about feeling messages here we don’t specify what stage of the relationship they apply to and then budding sirens come along and use them too early and then when they don’t work, they think this whole school of thought is bunk.

    For example, Rori has a dating verion of “love scripts” and a relationship version.

    Anyways, I feel a little defensive and wanting to have what I am saying understood. That’s just my stuff and I feel happy that I am noticing it…so I will stop now. :-)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:18am

  640. 640: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @lolita 632

    i really wouldn’t want to contact him.

    it will feel so much better when you come to peace with yourself without him & then he contacts you & you are a Powerful Beautiful Soft Open Ocean-Hipped Woman

    instead of a thirsty girl ?

    i don’t know… what do you think ?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:18am

  641. 641: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    LK… mmm ‘Powerful Beautiful Soft Open Ocean-Hipped Woman’ not feeling that way…

    I feel there is a gap betting wider between me and him and I am afraid it will get bigger becasue of all the issues we ad he may be overthinking and maybe he just needs some warm encouragement… I’m slipping.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:21am

  642. 642: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Day 9


    I really love you.

    Thankyou for making it so cold today. That I could feel the wind reminds me that I can feel. That I’m alive.

    Thankyou for placing that old man behind me in the bus queue today. If you hadn’t, I would’ve been 10 pence short for the bus, and I’d have had to withdraw money just for that!

    Thankyou for making me look for the free bus to the supermarket… even though it only travels on a Wednesday, if I hadn’t gone looking for it, I wouldn’t have passed that house advertising for accommodation next year. Something tells me it’s where I’m going to be staying next year 😉

    Thankyou for making my shopping bags heavy. It reminds me that I have money, and that I have food to eat!

    Thankyou for the kind bus driver. His smile touched my heart.

    Thankyou for some lovely genuine friends.

    Thankyou for the cousin I have living a street away from me who knows and loves me like a sister.

    Thankyou for making me the incredible, beautiful, and lusciously perfectly imperfect person that I am.

    So I’m sitting here on Valentines Day, staring at MedCD. And gosh, I feel so ATTRACTED to him. Olive complexion, full lips… and the symmetry speaks to me of intelligence. I’m having so much fun, and he’s really witty. I feel challenged, and turned on, and just so joyous. What a wonderful feeling! And there’s this genuine curiosity to want to find out more about him.. what makes him tick. Wow. I’m loving it. And I’m loving knowing that I’m this alluring, feminine magnet.

    A year on, and I’m having such a raw, real conversation with A. I can’t believe my courage and honesty… and refusal to make it impersonal by trying to “explain” it. And I’m blown away by how he’s handling it! I thought he’d run scared after finding out that I liked him… but he’s completely stepping up and wanting to discuss it as a “we”! Wow… I’m amazed and joyful.

    Universe, I’m full of gratitude. Carry on bringing me what you have done so far… I know that even if I don’t understand the reason behind things at times, I know it’s just your way of paving the way for something great and incredible.

    Love you!
    Mali x

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:22am

  643. 643: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I took the Transformation test and only got two bars out of five so I’m “********” and hoping that I can get my numbers transformed. Of course, two bars are better than one bar, or no bars… or not alive…

    Ha! I went back and blanked out that word; I’m not going to use it or think of it. I’ll consider the process as “working on becoming healthier.”

    blood pressure
    blood sugar

    Upward and upward!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:23am

  644. 644: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lolita 632

    NO, honey, don’t do it.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:26am

  645. 645: lkNo Gravatar says:


    sorry… i feel rambly & contradictory today lol… so i imagine it would feel frustrating to try to engage with me…. : )

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:27am

  646. 646: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita PLEASE don’t!!!!

    Please read a book or see a movie or spend time with your son. Just PLEASE STOP THINKING!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:28am

  647. 647: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    FW – #619

    I like that CCarter quote!

    Reminds me A LOT of what Sherry Argov says in “Why Men Love Bi*ches.”

    I know it sounds bad because of the B-word, but it’s not.

    Except for the fact that K found my copy of WMLB when he was at my house this weekend. Yikes! That was super awkward. I felt so embarrassed…:(

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:32am

  648. 648: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Lolita 637

    i wouldn’t want to contact my man unless i felt like an amazing powerful giant goddess : )

    & the warmest encouragement i can imagine giving to a man is showing him how able i am to care for myself – physically, spiritually & emotionally….

    what do you think ?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:33am

  649. 649: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh lk, it’s not about you at all.

    I noticed that I was in a kind of thinky, wanting to make a point kind of mood and just wanted to get myself out of that.

    It really has nothing to do with you at all. I feel happy that you contributed to the discussion. Thank you!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:33am

  650. 650: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LG it they as worded are really for when “in the relationship”. However, I do believe and practice to tell men in 1 and 2nd dates that where I am in my life is not looking to be a girlfriend but that I am ready for my marriage. At my age a man is open to hearing that, even when he is not ready to settle down. The ones who are ready tend to stick around. I have only had 2 so far that have disappeared and I believe one did so because he realised himself that he was not good enough for me without my having to say anything. What I have learned from men themselves is that they prefer honesty. They don’t like the women who pretend to want to be friends first when they know in the back of their heads they want more. I have heard that from more than one guy. It depends on the stage of life that a guy is in.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:38am

  651. 651: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    ARRGGHHHH… I want to scream and pretty much tear off my hair… Why does it have to be so F?ck#n complicated?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:38am

  652. 652: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling kind of irritated with sweetie today. I got my office all set up and nice and it would feel good to spend more time in there. I do a lot of my computer stuff in the living room and I feel so distracted when he is always around when I am doing it.

    I feel so irritated with him at these times and I know it’s just because we need a little physical and psychic space.

    And I just set up my new rug that got leaked on a few days after I received it. I let it dry and just set it back up and now my dog just puked on it. I feel so frustrated and sorry for myself and thinking “I can never have anything nice”.

    Poor me


    Not going down that path today.

    Instead, I’m going to go to the DMV. I waited until the absolute last day to reregister my car and that’s okay.

    I’m gonna go down there and take something fun to read and just take care of it.

    And it’s gonna be great

    and I love me!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:38am

  653. 653: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I did not mean to offend anyone by saying some advise feels like women from the 50 s . I am a strong believer of a direct approach. And not telling a man anything
    annoys me sometimes.

    I just dropped the ball with s. Today told me that he does not feel he can be faithful to me. And that that is why he broke it off before. After hearing that I realized I was trying to make something out of nothing and that him and I are done. That I want a relationship so bad that I was risking my own dignity in the process. So I dropped it and told him I was done. I feel so sad because my imaginary relationship died today.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:39am

  654. 654: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #638 Mali

    I LOVE your post, it made me feel all warm and tingly!!

    Your Attitude of Gratitude is awesome!!

    And your Valentine’s Day talks reminds me of the Abraham game of Wouldn’t It Be Nice. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:41am

  655. 655: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Next year, I intend to take care of myself by registering early when I can do it by mail and I won’t even have to set foot in the office.

    I feel relieved just imagining it.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:42am

  656. 656: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #649 Luzydel

    {{{{ HUGS }}}}

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:48am

  657. 657: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have interviews with coaches who suggest that the first two dates are for getting to know each other and asking questions like “so why aren’t you married yet” and “do you enjoy your job”. I find when I ask these questions and I have done it on first dates, the guys open up and talk a lot about their lives. I also recall CC talking about women making mistakes by taking the “supersized friend approach”.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:52am

  658. 658: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really weird today. My tummy hurts and I feel really irritable.

    I’ve had this flu-type thing for about a week and my period is just ending. Today will probably be the last day of it.

    And I feel soooo irritable.

    Love to me.
    love love love to me.

    I know I will feel better soon.

    I also feel bad because I see Memulo and Lolita asking for help and I don’t feel caught up on everyone’s stories. And I love that this blog is so active yet I feel bad that I can’t always keep track of what is going on for everyone.

    And oooooh, I am really in the soup.

    I wonder how I can turn this day around?

    It’s still early.

    I love my and all my feelings, every last one of them.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:53am

  659. 659: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    aaaagh. I feel like the Queen of Lean Forward right now….

    Sunday night: I texted K to say I liked he food he brought me (it was true! he responded to ask if I’d seen his bluetooth. I hadn’t)

    Monday night: Planned to lean back, but I wanted to talk. Specifically, wanted to ask him to come to the wedding with me, but not sure how to broach it. So I said it would feel good to talk. He said he was tired.

    Tuesday morning: I found his bluetooth. So what was I supposed to do? NOT text him to tell him that I’d found it??

    I waited, but….grrrrrr. If I were him, I would want me to just be leaving him alone right now. I am so NOT being that “unpredictable,” “cool” woman right now, from CCarter’s quote. I can feel that tension slacking, as I move toward him, and he starts to think he “has me” and that I want him, and he doesn’t have to “do anything” to keep me or make me feel that he’s a good partner.

    I guess the truth is, I don’t feel totally solid in asking him to the wedding. I wish I did. But I think he may be in a place now where that might make him nervous. And we are not exactly “a couple.” And yet, I don’t want to miss this opportunity, if it could be a fun way for us to spend time together. I feel “planny” about it, though. I’m in my head.

    He said he wanted to take things slow, and keep it friendly right now. And I want to listen to and respect that.

    Plus, I want to respect how *I* feel – which is that I’m not absolutely sure he’s the right partner for me. Yes, I want someone who is interested in “working on” himself. But I want someone who wants to work *with* me – not all by himself and leave me alone. That feels yucky:( I feel abandoned. I get that he needs what he needs. But the only way that I won’t feel “abandoned” is if I have more frequent contact – by phone, text, in person – whatever. (Probably why I’m leaning forward: giving him what I want to get.)

    I don’t want to be needy. But I do want to make sure that my needs are met – so that I don’t have to be needy!

    I’m expecting him to do it- that’s the problem. I’m setting him (and myself) up to fail, by “expecting” him to do something he’s not doing. And that feels bad.

    I’ll tell you what I didn’t expect him to do: I didn’t expect him to bring food to me. That felt good!!! He WANTS to provide for me, He WANTS to take care of me, he WANTS to keep me happy. if I keep getting unhappy about what he’s not doing, then I’m not letting him do those things. Hm, Tiffany. Food for thought. Let’s chew on that for a while…..

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:54am

  660. 660: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    “They don’t like the women who pretend to want to be friends first when they know in the back of their heads they want more.”

    I’ve tried that in the past and it NEVER works. :-/

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:56am

  661. 661: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    lk #644 – I like that!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:03pm

  662. 662: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: Can you elaborate on “supersized friend”? I haven’t heard that term before and I feel a little unclear on what it means exactly.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:04pm

  663. 663: lkNo Gravatar says:


    “And yet, I don’t want to miss this opportunity, if it could be a fun way for us to spend time together.”

    it sounds to me like a fun way to meet other men ! as the saying goes, “you don’t bring sand to the beach” ?

    & it sounds fun to me also to share stories with K later maybe about how fun it felt to meet new people & be out alone & dance with many men : ))))

    yummmmmmm !

    what do you think ?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:04pm

  664. 664: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Any advice on the least damaging thing I could do to Reconnect with M tonight?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:04pm

  665. 665: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    Can’t you just RSVP for 2 people and if K isn’t to be your guest then you can take a girlfriend OR you may even have another CD to invite by then. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:06pm

  666. 666: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LG think of it as doing the things Rori talks about when she refers to overfunctioning – cooking for him, helping him with stuff, inviting him out etc. He also includes free sex.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:06pm

  667. 667: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Luzydel 649

    “I did not mean to offend anyone by saying some advise feels like women from the 50 s . I am a strong believer of a direct approach. And not telling a man anything annoys me sometimes.”

    i hear you. i like this. i really really want to tell my man everything & i wish i were so True or Authentic that all my “thoughts” really were “worth” Sharing…. but as it is…… many of them are echoes, scars, projections, shadows….. & not Real enough for me to want to Share…….. thank you for explaining a little more : ) & i agree – i do want openness & easy sharing

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:07pm

  668. 668: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #660 Lolita

    I would head back up to post number 1 and see how many Sirens who leant back where contacted by the man first.

    I perhaps would not normally notice but I have only JUST caught up.

    To me it seemed like one after another after another was contacted out of the blue by the CD first.

    Be prepared to be surprised.

    It is only your fear making you want to contact him first.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:09pm

  669. 669: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Lolita 660

    would you feel good sitting alone in the dark with a candle, just meditating on the Space that you feel between you & M & the Gentle Closeness that you desire & the feeling of both of you nurturing each other, like him rubbing oil on your tired feet ?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:09pm

  670. 670: StarlaNo Gravatar says:


    CF texted back “awww your beautiful monster face”

    NOOOOOOOOO CF the correct answer is “omg i am dying to hug you and kiss you. when can i do that? can i do it tonight? asap?”

    lol i’m terrible=/

    oh well, was hoping the feeling message would inspire him.

    I wish he would be pushier about seeing me more.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:12pm

  671. 671: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita 660

    The least damaging (ie, best!) thing you can do to Reconnect with him tonight is to focus completely on yourself to change your vibe. Lean back and take care of you. No leaning forward, overfunctioning.

    I know it’s hard, but this is truly the best thing you can do. Fight the urgent need for clarity, closure, comfort. Break the pattern of pushing the man you want away by leaning forward.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:17pm

  672. 672: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I want to cry why do o care about s so much? I have a date planned for next weekend. Time to date like crazy.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:18pm

  673. 673: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita: I just went back and read all of your posts and the sirens responses to them and wow! First of all, I feel amazed by all of the great suggestions.

    I would really just lean back at this point. I know it can feel so difficult to do.

    I would lean back and maybe practice scripts for what to say when he does contact you.

    Or even better, I would focus on my channeling list and cd-ing and maybe channel some of that energy into helping others out in the world.

    What are your passions and dreams? What makes you really happy? What would you feel happy experiencing with or without him?

    And when does contact you, I really like #600 for a feeling message.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:18pm

  674. 674: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:20pm

  675. 675: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I can see how that response would feel frustrating.

    It’s sweet, yet there’s not really much to respond to.

    What are you going to do now?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:20pm

  676. 676: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmmm i wonder if im turning myself off of getting close to CD’s cuz im taking lots of (fun seeming) last minute dates

    maybe i won’t!

    and ill take some planned ahead ones…

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:22pm

  677. 677: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #670 SLV

    Wassup??? :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:24pm

  678. 678: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW 662


    I feel sorta disturbed reading that and remember how I used to believe that doing those things would bring a man closer.

    And also how many years I spent doing it.

    I feel relieved that I finally broke that pattern.

    Yay for that!

    Thanks for elaborating.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:27pm

  679. 679: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    671 LG
    Absolutely nothing:)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:28pm

  680. 680: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    soo my neighbors wife called me and we had a cool conversation where i told her i hadnt messed with my enighbor since a long time ago before they were married…

    that we dont flirt with each other

    and that of course it would feel good to me actually to have her chill with us if im there

    THEN i get texts again like, i dont want you to chill with him… and some allusions to threats

    so i feel happy i actually said “i feel angry and scared being threatened”

    wooo hooo

    she still was like she doesnt like it do we have an understanding

    i told her i hear you but i dnot feel comfortable saying i wont go to my homies’ stdio if im asked . i def wont show up univinted so im sure they could work that out btwn them

    (he told me im always welcome and that theyve been having problems)

    she said “i see where this is gonna end up”

    yeah if she tries THAT again this time i know what to expect

    im thinking its gonna end up with him leaving her and coming to pursue me :) lol

    im gonna let him know i am not feeling the wife thing, that im mad he even got married and that i still feel feelings for him

    i feel all empowered to be direct now that i talked to her and she doesnt seem to want to not threaten me – i will treat her like shes nonexistent and on her way out

    i wonder if thats my pattern?

    i dono

    but ima let my neighbor know

    dates and stuff

    cuz i dont really feel good with ‘just friends’ anyways,

    especially if it involves being put in a situation where i might be attacked in front of (his) kids

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:29pm

  681. 681: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Your Relationship Tip For This Week
    Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

    About Relationships (Tip #3)

    Expect the closeness and distance you experience
    with your partner to vary from hour to hour, day
    to day, and season to season. People experience
    enough closeness much as they experience enough
    food — any more leads to discomfort. We all have
    different capacities.

    This dance may seem frustrating at times. You want
    to be close and move toward partner; your partner
    wants to be distant and moves away from you. It’s
    hard not to take it personally. Talking about what
    you need makes it easier to accommodate to one

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:33pm

  682. 682: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @674: Silver Moonbeam

    Nothing much. trying to figure out the WW thing since it’s totally different from when I became life member in the 80s.

    Oh, well, I love a challenge. I’m now off to a “date” with Dr. Oz in half hour. I think I’ll stop at McDonald’s and get one of those little apple pies. Perfect for tea/coffee time. LOL


    Have you and Dr. Adkins had your first date?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:38pm

  683. 683: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The fifth video is about Intimacy and Forgiveness. You’ll learn that Intimacy is to share who you truly are, to hold space for each other. Intimacy, is trust, openness, willingness. Forgiveness is the number one skill of the heart. Until you forgive yourself, it won’t matter what you tell the other person.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:39pm

  684. 684: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i like this “i touched a deep place in myself i never knew was there”… that feels amazing

    thanks Brenda

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:41pm

  685. 685: lkNo Gravatar says:

    “know thyself”

    & it’s uncovering the light, the diamond, that allows us to reach across infinite space & time to connect

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:50pm

  686. 686: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #678 SLV

    Me and Robert have spent 2 wonderful days in each other’s company.

    I like him he makes me feel warm and full in my tummy LOL!! 😀

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:51pm

  687. 687: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i intend to forgive myself

    for anything actions i’ve taken with my physical body

    for any negative emotions that have colored my thought stream

    for any attempts to cut or keep energy ties

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:53pm

  688. 688: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #674 LG

    Oh I cringe at my overfunctioning now I try not to even think about it as I feel my face redden and I go hot under the collar. :(

    Romantic love songs
    Phone first
    Text first
    How about a little surprise holiday? Why don’t I make all the arrangements? Hell I will even pay for it if I have the money!!

    Red faced emoticon needed here, but to forgive myself I say

    I did what I thought was right at the time and when I knew better I did better…..

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 12:59pm

  689. 689: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ silver Moonbeam- 658:

    I’m so glad! 😀 It made me feel warm and tingly just writing it… I’ve found that when I can be at peace and in a state of gratitude for all that I have; even loving the fact that I can feel sad when I’m feeling sad, and thanking the Universe for making me as I am… well, my vibe just seems to increase. I feel happier, and it seems as though so much good is coming into my life! At times I literally feel as though I’m exploding with love for the Universe =)

    Ah, I looked up the “Wouldn’t it be nice” game… honestly, I’m loving being able to visualise what I want- it’s so much fun! And I know that the Universe will deliver… so much abundance! Yay!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:12pm

  690. 690: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i feel a bit Poisoned & Guilty… : (

    CD wants me to move in with him…. & i do want that !

    ummmmm but……. i just ….. feel scared. of sharing space & of getting overwhelmed…

    honestly i already feel “married”….. that is so strange. i feel scared of other people hearing that i feel that way.

    i do think that maybe i want to be Engaged before i move in….. but that boundary feels fluid now…. & i do see other ways to feel comfortable… but i’d want to know When & things such as that…… though we have discussed children & Where we want to live : ) & i want what he wants… yum

    feel safe that he shares my relationship Rules:
    – in all matters outside the relationship, ALWAYS take your Partner’s side (even when you think they’re being silly)
    – never leave or go to bed Angry

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:18pm

  691. 691: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    #666 Starla,

    your feeling message was inspiring to him! He responded in his language of love and appreciation. I don’t see where the problem is?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:20pm

  692. 692: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise –

    i refuse the idea that speaking well about myself being beautiful is less honorable than your friend Lisa

    i refuse these judgements of me

    and i felt offended by your question – i dont want to be talked to that way

    i feel very angry about it

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:21pm

  693. 693: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    attacking people tends to bring angry women too – *I* can feel angry myself

    not just another person

    i have a right to exist

    i have a right to answer invitations from men

    even married ones

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:24pm

  694. 694: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling tingly in my tummy


    im feeling all confused in my head

    and angry in my body

    and i love my feelings

    i’ll go witht that: “i feel angry”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:25pm

  695. 695: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now its: “i feel sad”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:25pm

  696. 696: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i want to tell him tonight that

    i feel scared that living in His house will mean His Rules….. & i don’t want things to all be His way… though he did tell me i’m free to move things or re-arrange things….

    & what about MY stuff ? my clothes ? furniture ? art ?

    what about moving ? who pays ?

    i don’t want to pay rent !!!

    i feel nervous.

    if i move in, that feels permanent to me & i want it to be agreed as Permanent, not Trial.

    what’s going on ??????? i’m just a baby ! i don’t know how to do this.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:25pm

  697. 697: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    No problem:)
    I just was hoping he’d come see me.

    He has no problem with affectionate words (though he used to, until I told him how uncomfortable it made me not hearing them. turns out he is BURSTING with words of affection).

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:26pm

  698. 698: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I was feeling in a really good and mellow mood, but once again the drama here erupting again is causing me to withdraw…..sigh……

    Goodnight Sirens

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:28pm

  699. 699: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:


    I just wanted to respond a little further –

    ” I know you are in a tough spot. You deserve so much more than is happening here! The open relationship doesn’t feel like anything you truly want from what you have said in your posts. Yet, at this point you have these two men so in that way an open relationship is being chosen it seems.”

    Thanks for the acknowledgement about the difficult situation. It feels tough.

    The funny thing is that we really don’t HAVE an open relationship. He knows I have NEVER agreed to one, and he really only sleeps with me, other than the occasions where he has acted out. Now I think he thinks I have stuck around last time so I will just stick around while he goes around the block checking out chicks real quick to make sure he’s got the best one. …..

    I don’t see having these two men as having an open relationship, I see it as cding.

    “It seems complicated and not sure how one can get one of the men to commit here if two men are in the picture?”

    Why not? that’s what cding is? can you explain a little, I am wondering if I have missed something.

    ” What do you really want? What would the relationship truly look like?”

    I intend to feel safe and loved, and the only woman to have this place in his life, more important than anything else and our relationship is put first. Whatever we do has to be good for our relationship and our family.

    “hoping for all the best for you and baby!”

    Thank you so much!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:31pm

  700. 700: lkNo Gravatar says:

    & alone time ? i like to have my own room or space. what then ?

    he will have to go out alone & leave me please. ? is that good lk ?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:31pm

  701. 701: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really turned off and judgmental when women ask me to enforce Their boundaries

    like ‘i dont want you to come over there”

    well if a MAN doesn’t invite me… that doesn’t happen

    i don’t know you and i don’t want to be imposed upon


    i feel sad

    i feel sad thinking i will be judged about this

    about my being … well… real and healthy

    i want to drop these bags of heavy feeling

    i love my bags

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:31pm

  702. 702: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Tongue – are you calling my posts drama (as im understanding) ?

    i dont want to be brushed off and shut down and dismissed as drama when i feel angry…

    that feels awful and heartbreaking to me – and i feel a lot of numbness

    im a human being, not a ‘drama’

    i don’t want to have it called drama when i express my feeling angry

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:35pm

  703. 703: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I went for a walk on my break today to help with these crazzzzyyyyy cramps, and I feel super frustrated in general with CF. He DOESN’T COMMUNICATE AT ALL.

    We went five months not having sex because I interpreted something he said as not wanting to have sex with me yet. Turns out he was waiting on ME. He never pursued sex and I had to initiate it.

    We have only had sex ONCE. I told him I wanted to do it in a place where we could relax and have privacy. He said he would arrange something. He hasn’t:'(. I feel unwanted even though it’s not true. I know this is HIM second-guessing himself and not leading.

    When I kept complaining about my late period, he wouldn’t ask me the burning question on his mind, AM I PREGNANT?

    We have not ONCE talked about taking the relationship past casual dating, yet I know he wants more. I just don’t know what. He mentions casually that he will always be there for me, etc., but he is scared to talk about anything more.

    Look dude, I get it, you’re scared of rejection or losing me.

    But I’m feeling impatient and vulnerable. and even if I’m dating others, a month or two more of this not talking to me about anything and I’ll be too attached and in love to handle this. I can’t fall in love and feel safer in all other ways more than I ever have in my life, and just sit there on hold. I need to know SOMETHING. After 7 or 8 months I will want to see him steer our relationship somewhere (even if it’s into bed).

    Instead he is moving away. He has hinted that it’s to be able to start a life with me by saving money in moving an hour away, but only in super vague terms in a vague context.

    And when I share passionstories about what I want, he says it sounds great and he wants to show me he can be that. But never does he initiate any sort of communication, and when I’ve tried to ask him, he “plays it cool.”

    I need more than this to hang on.

    I’m not delusionally imagining his feelings for me, so he needs to lead.

    He’s going to lose me.

    And that means I lose him.

    And well…f*ck

    I wanted to see him tonight while I take it super easy waiting for this menstrual pain to pass, but now I just want to take care of me. I feel so vulnerable and afraid and MAD too!

    Maybe I’ll be surprised and he’ll call me to come over.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:36pm

  704. 704: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel shaky and upset


    high -5 daria for speaking for yourself…

    babysteps to not abandoning myself when i feel scared and when i feel angry

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:36pm

  705. 705: lkNo Gravatar says:

    in my Relationship i want

    physical health – activity, sex, good meals
    emotional health – communication, time for myself, & community involvement
    mental health – stimulating conversation & new learning situations
    financial health – economy & abundance
    spiritual health……. yum

    i almost lost it this morning when he had made me a huge breakfast even though i clearly told him multiple times that i wanted a slow, easy morning. ahhhhh well….. i did get cuddles on the couch & magically was not late to work (even though i should have been 15 min late…. ? mysteries) but…. he should listen to me about what i want to be given. but, lk. if he didn’t make you breakfast or lunch…. you wouldn’t eat most days. truth. ok ok ok i don’t know

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:42pm

  706. 706: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria 698 – The way I understand Drama is, Drama is reacting to something before you have the yes or no answer (see your post 698).

    No Drama, on the other hand, is asking “are you saying my posts are Drama?” and waiting for a yes or no before reacting.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:45pm

  707. 707: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it really makes me feel good and good about myself to look cool in front of the whole neighborhood (like the chance i missed at that one bbq :( )

    i want to heal this im gonna tap on this

    and i want to accept and get more of this feeling..

    cuz i judge myeslf for having it (its not appropriate!)

    its shallow, stupid, selfish, dumb, only waht the sueperficial popular people want, its what the losers want, the non sprituatl people, its something god punishes you for or the good spirits cuz youre like not humble instead youre empty inside and a shella nd everyone actually looks down on you and wants to see you humiliated because theyre like oh bad boy hes in the wrong, hes in the wrong for being flashy, tony montana, people like me so you can look down on, not wholesome, not really good, not enojoybale, ckinda dirtly, kinda not really all teh way high class just trying, ghetto, not good enough, never good enouvh, the ones wyou can see through, judge nd look down on those epople, gypsy hustlers, not really solid, not really wholesome, not really trutworthy, not honest people, lower than poor, lower than low, disgusting, despicable, dangerous, transfomer mans family, just faking, never can really be happy and whole like you tryna seem to be, sleezy, fake seller, faeker, icky, in my heart mistrust, not safe, not good, the scary people

    heal heal heal that big ol judgment!!!!!!

    thank u for writing

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:52pm

  708. 708: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – doest that imply that my post was drama because i said how i was feeilng in that moment and didnt wait for an answer?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:58pm

  709. 709: lkNo Gravatar says:


    wow… same feelings… opposite situation ?

    i feel Uncared For & Unplanned For…… & I feel like i have to bring up some of the most awkward, most practical details

    MEN: be men please !

    also… sorry for bailing on you 0_o we will have to try again………

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 1:59pm

  710. 710: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im being (kinda) silly hehe

    i dont actually want to play whos right in judging who game or what are “YOu” doing and implying game

    the truth is Starla that felt weird to read

    i feel kinda amused and kinda like …

    (what AM i really feeling here??? i feel confused…)


    i feel defensive!!!!!

    wow weee :)


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:00pm

  711. 711: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how about tweak to my feelings first

    “Wow i feel really angry and shocked! and heartbroken”

    are you saying my posts are drama? or am i misunderstanding?

    cuz i sure felt those feelings!

    honestly i feel at peace about sharing how i feel even After asking the question

    and if the answer is

    “no not at all what??? i was talking about seomthign else”

    then im like

    oh whooo i feel relieved! i felt scared i was being judged and it felt awful

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:04pm

  712. 712: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ” Hi lk I hope you’re having a great day. I will take care of dinner today; thank you. I’m going to Boulder now and I should be home before you but if I’m not the front door will be open. See you soon : )) ”

    ah you poor dumb boy. no one told you: i’m feeling so frustrated right now !

    but it’s not your Fault, i know… : (

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:07pm

  713. 713: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    lk…I’m kind of in this same situation (engaged, but still feeling ‘not ready’ to move back in with him.)

    I did live with him for many years, but I will never again “live with” a man. He had everything he wanted/needed, but I had no security (and I did pay rent and half of all the bills) and I felt like I had no real identity. It was all very vague. I didn’t like feeling like the “terminal live-in girl friend.” :-p

    I am sure of his commitment to me (as in no other women, etc.) but I’m carefully weighing whether we are a good enough match. (Waiting on the ‘Love Languages’ book….I ordered from Amazon.)

    I know exactly what you mean…if you do this, you don’t ever want to feel like you’re a ‘guest’ in his house.

    And yeah…I’ve learned to really love living alone and wonder, also, about where stuff will go and about “space” etc.

    Lots to discuss and work out before I will give up what I have.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:08pm

  714. 714: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    title of story “when i missed the opportunity at the park to look dazzling and amazing in front of the WHOLE town and be respected and honored forevermore”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:08pm

  715. 715: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t have a key. there is no where to put my furniture & clothes. we haven’t said the Engagement word seriously.

    though i do know that i am his wife. that has been discussed.

    what the bleep is going on ?

    i need to use his computer tonight for a few hours to work on my own Personal Project.

    i can get my own new computer !!! i have dollars !

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:11pm

  716. 716: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I don’t blame you for feeling defensive!

    Unleashing negative emotions/reactions without confirmation that what you’re reacting in another person to is even REAL, can feel really blamey and terrible and dramatic to most everyone (including yourself :D). YOUR feelings are very real, and they’re valid, but waiting for more information from reality itself (which is 2 sided and outside of just your experience alone) to choose your words about those feelings, can really help people break down their walls to hearing you and your feelings.

    I hate analogies. So let’s use one, lol. It’s like accusing your man of cheating, going on and on about how lousy it feels that he cheated on you, because you found women’s underwear in his dryer, but it turns out his sister just came over to do her laundry. Before you even give him a chance to respond or explain that it’s his sister’s, and even though you use feeling messages, you are reacting to him supposedly behaving a certain way/doing something. Even if you’re mistaken, he is going to feel attacked, accused, blamed, and unsafe and feel untrusting to relax around you for a very long time.

    This has nothing to do with you posting about your neighbor, just the way you responded to that siren who said she was leaving here cuz of drama. The response felt ironically dramatic in as much as I have now described:)

    This is stuff I picked up in really good, expensive therapy sessions, so I am happy to pass it on to any siren where I can see it being useful.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:11pm

  717. 717: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    What if I say:

    I want to be your friend and I care about what’s happening in your life and things you feel good and don’t feel good about. But at the same time it feels confusing to me to talk about your family situation as often. I’d rather go out with you and have fun together. I’d rather spend time feeling romantic about us. What do you think?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:15pm

  718. 718: lkNo Gravatar says:


    thanks… yes it does feel really complex & like many things must be Arranged & Decided before any action can really be taken….

    but ! he doesn’t seem to fully Get that…. though i suppose i’m not being super super open… it feels scary, like Demanding Things o_0 yuck.

    so i have to keep just saying, well… we can keep talking about it….. & i got so confused & frustrated yesterday & this morning. i keep ending up saying things like, “well, i don’t want to talk about that right now. but definitely i do want to talk about it & soon.” like a lunatic lol

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:15pm

  719. 719: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel frustrated with myself for procrastinating paying my registration and getting a $134 late fee.


    I feel so frustrated when I waste money.

    The good news is, I paid it online and didn’t have to wait for hours at the dmv.

    So, yay for that!

    I would have had to pay the late feel either way.

    I feel so relieved that I don’t have to deal with that. Yay for taking care of me in that way, LG.

    Love you!

    And I am considering a last minute trip to Hawaii because I have an opportunity to participate in this event that I have been wanting to do.

    I feel unsure and confused if I should do it or not.

    Oh my.

    I love me and all of my uncertainties and I forgive my money wasting.

    I could have done some fun things with $134.

    Oh well, live and learn.

    Abundance and opportunities keep flowing.

    Just like the air I breathe, they keep flowing in and out.

    Like the ocean.

    Their is a force that causes abundance to grow just like people, animals and plants grow. All I have to do is tap into that flow and I will always have access to whatever I need.

    Yes yes

    scarity consciousness be gone!

    Love you, Lg

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:18pm

  720. 720: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    more stuff to heal

    “when God gives you an opportunity to shine, you Better take it” (cuz they’re scarce)

    you dont get too many of those

    you Better not blow it….

    and if you do… tough… you gotta live with your disappointment…

    you had your chance

    it was fair

    and you lost

    theres no redemption coming….

    that it


    totally no hope

    not even Allowing to hope

    dont even deserve it

    u had your chance

    and you messed up

    you failed

    you screwed it

    fuchk it

    that was your chance

    and its over now

    you lost like you thought you would

    you know you only nail a few outta many

    and this wasnt one

    so youre not gonna get the reward

    sucks for you


    reisgn to it

    theres nothing you can do


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:23pm

  721. 721: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I think urgency can be interpreted/be the same as DRAMA a lot of the time.

    Not waiting for more feedback/information about the reality of a situation to express how you feel about it does something scary destructive — it puts words and actions on people that they never said or did, even if you’re not explicit about it.

    And men definitely interpret urgency as drama, in my own experience.

    So rather than saying “wow did you cheat on me? i feel furious and horrible and unsafe and disgusted,” you wouldn’t want to silence your feelings! You just want to look only as far as you can actually see. So instead you’d say “wow did you cheat on me? i feel so scared seeing this ladies underwear”


    “Are you saying my posts are drama? I feel angry, etc.” would be “Are you saying my posts are drama…I feel worried you are”

    And then go from there.

    I think this is one of the reasons why Rori tells us to go line by line in our scripts, and not just unload several lines at a time.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:24pm

  722. 722: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    “I think this is one of the reasons why Rori tells us to go line by line in our scripts, and not just unload several lines at a time.”

    Ya, when I was going through a challenging time and talking with her, she really emphasized the importance of this.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:29pm

  723. 723: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – sounds good! id make it way shorter…

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:29pm

  724. 724: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I wrote a poem about not knowing/being in suspense:

    The air is quiet, because it doesn’t have any information in it yet.
    It is quiet, because it has a question.
    It is quiet, because it doesn’t know the answer.
    It is waiting to find out.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:29pm

  725. 725: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Even though I had listened to a bunch of her work, the concept of delivering line by line had eluded me.

    I wonder if she addresses that in Love Scripts? I haven’t gotten that one yet.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:31pm

  726. 726: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Memulo 713

    i don’t know how YOU feel, obviously : ) but i maybe would want to say

    I feel good & connected hearing about your life….. But also I feel a little bad hearing about another woman in your life, even though i do understand that she will always be a part of your Extended Family so to speak…… but i feel excited about feeling romantic together & feeling fun & getting to know each other… What do you think?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:31pm

  727. 727: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Tiffany 720

    i want to write a poem about not knowing & being in suspense ! : )))) that sounds fun. thank you for offering that idea.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:37pm

  728. 728: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla #699 – I know how you feel!


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:38pm

  729. 729: lkNo Gravatar says:

    in 1 moment, the dirt rises
    in 1 moment, the wind changes
    in 1 moment, all the stars go black & all the space is illuminated

    i turn back to say 1 last thing, but my lips are gone & there is no one left even to remember the idea of “ears”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:39pm

  730. 730: lkNo Gravatar says:

    if i’m not broken & i cannot be harmed

    if i am perfect & no one can hurt me

    guilt & forgiveness become the same thing (nothing)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:41pm

  731. 731: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    lol, lk – go for it!

    It popped into my head, so I wanted to share it.

    poems help :) and I thought of you, because you write lots of poems, and you also write poetically :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:44pm

  732. 732: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    for who i want to be / am / want to be seen as…

    “that”‘s not good enough!

    its the truth!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:46pm

  733. 733: lkNo Gravatar says:

    my last dream before waking this morning was like this

    i was in the mountains somewhere, gray distressed wood, maybe a porch or under stairs ? maybe a restaurant ? & it felt kind of cold & i think my parents were inside.

    cd & i hugged & as he squeezed me, a little breathy, “I love you” came out like it does sometimes…. but he really quick & jerky & impatient pulls away a little & says, “What ? ” like all businesslike & impatient & need-to-know & then I went to hug on the other side & said, I said I love you… & he pulled away from me like all shocked & starts grinning & yelling, “What ?? Lk ?! Really ?” & laughing like a maniac lol & smiling so big & then he’s like, ” You’re such a b et ch ! ” like the joke-y way we say Bxtch when we’re talking about Ladies Who Shop LOL

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:52pm

  734. 734: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam #661 – that’s an interesting idea!

    Hold the space for…someone. Maybe not him. But maybe him. Or someone else….

    I suppose I could take a girl-friend, too. That might be fun!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:52pm

  735. 735: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    LG…she does talk about that in Love Scripts. She calls it going “rounds.” One feeling, one message at a time and then wait for him to respond and go from there. That’s one “round.”

    IF that goes well (authenticity plus timing equals effective communication) then you can try for “round two” and so on.

    She shows how being truly authentic (getting down to the raw feeling without a bunch of fluff) gets the best result. Short and to-the-point feeling messages. (This way we don’t really need many rounds to get a lot accomplished.)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 2:57pm

  736. 736: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i feel afraid… of something……….

    in my head, there is no next “step”

    like…. i’ve been climbing a ladder, i’m at the top rung…. & there’s no more ladder, but there’s nothing there for me either. no castle. no cloud.

    so there’s no where for me to go but “down”


    wow & now i do see some places where the conversations could open up…..

    & i do love him. & that does feel good. & i still feel confused about Not Saying it… ? hm

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:00pm

  737. 737: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i can just say, i started feeling really excited & nervous today about the idea of moving in……… & Go Rounds for a bit until it stops being fun : ) ok, lk. good luck.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:05pm

  738. 738: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    The way he described really helped me grasp.

    I’m really struggling w forgiving myself for having been closed off and verbally abusive.

    I wish I would have seen that video 2 months ago.

    Until I forgive myself, I will keep having men in my life as punching bags, the ones that trigger all the hurt I’m holding onto.
    I seem to bring them in so I can lash out at someone else instead of myself.

    At the same time, I feel so confused.

    Why do I need to punish myself so hard to hit so hard rock bottom?

    D called and left a message.
    He wants to talk to me.

    I’m scared to cave in.
    I don’t feel strong when I’m not angry.
    Now, I feel sad, and I feel week when I’m sad.

    I want to protect myself.
    But it’s protecting myself that got me here in the 1st place.
    So confused.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:07pm

  739. 739: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Your comment was just fine. I turn 30 this month and I do feel sad to closing the door to more children, but I don’t want to keep having to go to the doctor every month or so either.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:08pm

  740. 740: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    you only deserve if youre the stronger and more powerful one

    if we let wearker sloppier people deserve

    we could all die!!! from the weakest link being treated as solid!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:09pm

  741. 741: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Well, Meeting “T” at lunch was rather hard. I was still very authentic. And it opened it up for him to be authentic. BUT his words dont match his actions. So I guess Ill just go with the actions.

    Hes planning on going out of town to work.

    So, that says to me, he needs to be away from us longer, or he is just going to work because he doesnt know what else to do. Either way. Hell be gone. He said he loves me and the kids and dont really want to go??????

    Very confusing, I didnt defend, blame, complain, criticise nothing just listened then responded with FM’s about what I was actually feeling.

    I have to get with him 1 more time to tie up some loose ends.

    (to be continued)
    As My Stomach Churns

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:11pm

  742. 742: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm i dont deserve respect… to be honored as an equal

    to be safe and free being myself expressing myself fully

    because im not more or equally powerful (to my parents)

    i see how i internalized this belief as a child

    i want to heal this

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:12pm

  743. 743: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Dont protect yourself,

    Ground yourself, be authentic, allow yourself to be truthful for you!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:14pm

  744. 744: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    theyre more powerful – so they get to decide what YOU express

    its natrual that they are beter cuz theyre more powerful

    its natural that they should be the deciders cuz theyre more powerful

    powerful people decide

    powerful people deserve to be themselves

    non powerful people dont

    cuz thats how nature intended

    its natural that more powerful people have higher status

    *heal all this please*

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:17pm

  745. 745: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    power = worth

    no power = no worth

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:21pm

  746. 746: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    urgency urgency urgency feelings with CF
    I want to start drama, speaking of drama



    gonna focus on responding to some CDs that I’ve been blowing off.

    I don’t wanna though:( I just want CF to stop being afraid.

    He sometimes says “you’re so perfect and beautiful it’s not fair.”

    And I ask if it’s unfair because it’s scary and he could get hurt. And he says yes.



    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:33pm

  747. 747: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Thanks Camille.

    The truth is I can’t bring myself to forgive myself.
    I had a great man that wanted to give me the world.
    My heart was closed and I hurt him badly.
    I can’t forgive myself for having ruined the exact thing I wanted for myself.
    I had exactly what I wanted, all of it!
    I threw it away at every chance I got.
    I’m a masochist.
    I couldn’t forgive myself and we’ve turned into each other’s punching bags.
    It’s turned into a competition of who will hurt who more.

    I know an older woman who is still stuck in my same pattern and she doesn’t see it.

    I can console myself by seeing it now.

    I guess the lower I sank, the sweeter the success will taste.

    I can’t change what happened.
    What does loving myself, accepting myself totally and forgiving myself feel like?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:37pm

  748. 748: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Not sure how power feels to you. it can be being who you are and enjoying it. Power can be keeping your boundaries as if taking the high road in your words and actions. Making your silence and absence the greatest punishment you can give him.. not hurtful words. Power can be in apologizing and being kind and open.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:39pm

  749. 749: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Gotta taste the pitts to savor the success? Is that it?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:41pm

  750. 750: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    you have power = deserve = you get what you want

    you don’t have power = you Don’t deserve (why? didnt make sense as a child … conclusion… simply cuz i dont have power) = you don’t get what you want

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:41pm

  751. 751: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria and lk, your suggestions feel right.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:42pm

  752. 752: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im tapping with the Margaret Lynch 4th chakra video on forgiving self

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:44pm

  753. 753: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    I think CD assertive is dating other women. It doesn’t matter because I’m getting closer and closer and sharing more beautiful special moments with CD Song. But CD assertive and I are going away on vacation together . . . It doesn’t feel right if he is dating other people. I won’t enjoy the vacation, I think. I think he is dating other people because we were making plans to meet for dinner and said, meet me at the same restaurant we were at, and then cited to a place a never been. Then he corrected himself. That was the crap he was doing before that made me step away. I don’t want to sleep with him on vacation (only being intimate with CD Song – and my cycle should start while we are away), but I was looking forward to having a nice time with him, and laying the ground work for our dating not becoming an intimate thing. Am I wrong here? It sounds like I’m confused but my feelings about all of this is solid. HELP :(

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:45pm

  754. 754: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!!!

    I’m feeling so much better than this morning specially after I ran 5 km :)

    All day, I almost didn’t think of AroundTheWorld or any CDs, and almost could focus on myself 100%.

    And I went running half of the way home and there is a crazy snow storm here and I ran it anyway and I felt so proud to be able to do something that most of the people can’t do in terrible conditions and I felt so passionate and almost cried from happiness! And I just wanted to call someone/anyone to tell him/her how awesome I am so I got home and I called my mom and I felt so supported.

    Awww my day feels so good and more emotionally quiet than the previous one. May it stay like that please Universe!!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:45pm

  755. 755: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i was told i have a strong will.. ive been saying that

    peple see my will sometimes and theyre like whoa shes powerful

    i want to be even MORE powerful in more ways

    and i want to appreciate my power and my will too!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:48pm

  756. 756: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    I would not talk to D right now at this point.

    I think You need to experience your life a little while before you expose yourself to him. What do you think?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:51pm

  757. 757: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    “i want to be even MORE powerful in more ways

    and i want to appreciate my power and my will too!”

    I really like that!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:52pm

  758. 758: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what kinda things do you say to yourself about yourself or the world:

    ok heres your chance you dont get many

    youre desperate

    you gotta keep waiting and take EVVERY opportunity

    dont miss it!

    youll be sorry

    the world always turns out at least a LITTLE dissapointing

    its not realistic to expect to really be living your dream life

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:53pm

  759. 759: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its not gonna happen

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:53pm

  760. 760: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, new plan. This current one of pining for CF and worrying feels bad.

    New plan is to not even THINK about commitment with CF for 1 month. February only has 29 days so this shouldn’t be SO bad, lol.

    My VIBE is so wrapped up and expectant and attached to outcomes.

    What may very well be happening is, I noticed he was trying to build up the courage to talk to me about commitment, and I snuffed out his growing courageous flame without energetically giving it room to breathe.

    And I’m just tired of worrying. He brings me so much happiness, and whenever something feels bad (in a real context, and not just me wanting to know where this is all going) he does everything he can to fix it permanently.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:53pm

  761. 761: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    Good for you!! That sounds like an awesome run

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:54pm

  762. 762: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Dominique…. it’s sinking in :) I feel grounded, but I also know it’s easy to feel good when you are happy about how things are going. When it’s in the toilet, I’ll know how healthy I’m really getting. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:55pm

  763. 763: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Yey Lizka!

    There’s my little ray of sunshine.

    You made me smile :)

    That snow is so pretty out there.

    Ya know what? I think I’m gonna go out and take a walk in it.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:56pm

  764. 764: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    “its not realistic to expect to really be living your dream life”

    I think you can sweetie :)

    And I bet it’s beautiful when you do!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:56pm

  765. 765: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    br careful if you do that! you know waht could happen!!!!

    uhoh! here we are again… brace yourself!!

    youre not the kinda person that people really want to be around all the time

    youre not cool enough to be invited everywhere

    i dont know how they do it, i wish i could but i cant and dont know how and its too scary and i cant move thru fear

    i cant do that

    thats not honest enough

    honorable enough

    fair enough

    thats not gonna happen for you

    you just gotta take it

    you just gotta deal with it

    tough luck

    youre nto all teh way lucky like that

    its not SAFE to be lucky like that

    be careful or youll DIE

    bieng authentic gets you imprison or killed

    theres so much opression around

    you are powerless to do anything about that

    its too scary to let God really solve this for you

    what if you get waht you aske d for… and its a trick and a punishment

    cuz you are not humble enough

    youre asking for stuff

    that is bad

    dont ask for ANYTHING

    you gotta be sneaky to get what you want

    bide your time…

    your time will come…

    but not right now

    be careful

    its not safe

    and its not safe to THINK its safe

    and its not gonna change

    no matter how hard you try

    the world really IS this way

    thats the way it IS

    and you KNOW it

    give up now

    you cant change it

    you cna change many things

    but not facts

    and not the reality of the wrold

    this is real

    hard solid

    and its unchangeable

    youll just skin your knees on the concrete gravel wall

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 3:59pm

  766. 766: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Tenny! :)

    im feeling buzzy

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:06pm

  767. 767: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:11pm

  768. 768: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Lili….I’m not sure I understand. It sounds like you are getting ‘owning your part’ in the toxic relationship mixed up with unforgivable self-blame. It’s not the same thing.

    It sounds like you are hurting SO badly that you’re taking the blame for him cheating on you. I mean…can you say with absolute certainty that you know, without a doubt, that he would never have slept with another woman if you were perfect and nice and ______?

    We cannot start to heal from a place of blame. And we cannot change the past. We do the best we can, with what we have to work with, at the time. Forgiving yourself feels like knowing that you will learn from this and knowing you will move on with more self knowledge and more compassion for yourself. You also have a much better understanding of the tools and why they are so important and why they work. <3

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:12pm

  769. 769: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Camille! I applaud you for being authentic, even when it felt awful. That’s when it really counts, and often when you will be the most surprised.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:12pm

  770. 770: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Yeah Lili you should definitely go outside!! It’s pretty and it feels so peaceful and quiet!

    And we’ll have “verglas” tonight so it’s now or never… well ok not never, we’re just in January, but you know what I mean! :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:15pm

  771. 771: MelNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla (756)

    Ooooh! Go with the flow February… I’m in!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:15pm

  772. 772: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my totem animal turned out to be a Skunk

    good cuz they were so cute

    its sexuality sensuality and self esteem… :)

    and protecting myself only when necessary and non violently

    and … just walking with high exteem and selfregard not getting out the way of other stuff


    and ok if the great honred owl hunts it

    i was encouraged to study the owl too to understand the animal more

    and that feels scary
    like the

    skunk is vulnerable to an overly powerful attacker out of nowhere….

    and taht feels scary sigh and im glad i wrote it i feel a lil relived now

    i wantto heal anything around this

    thank you Skunk!!

    pepe le pew!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:18pm

  773. 773: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it also talked about a cycle of having lots of close friends… then none…a nd getting comfortable with a rhythm and knwoing most of th etime skuns are alone

    mmmm and also it was in 10 years cycles like i was complainig about earlier

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:21pm

  774. 774: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, I love the name for February. You rock my little white socks, baby!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:22pm

  775. 775: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooohhhhh boy. I’m feeling triggered by CD Aggressive. Don’t know why, but I am. I’m projecting something on him. It’s something ickie from my old man habits. And I want to talk to CD Song. I keep picking up the phone thinking of cool things to text or ask him …. what’s wrong with me???? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    Whooooooo, that felt good.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:22pm

  776. 776: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooohhhhh boy. I’m feeling triggered by CD Aggressive. Don’t know why, but I am. I’m projecting something on him. It’s something ickie from my old man habits. And I want to talk to CD Song. I keep picking up the phone thinking of cool things to text or ask him …. what’s wrong with me???? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    Whooooooo, that felt good.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:22pm

  777. 777: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll participate in Go With The Flow-buary :-)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:26pm

  778. 778: tennyNo Gravatar says:


    I asked CD Song about any ideas for his birthday and he said “sweetie, you don’t have to get me a thing, just make sure I have you. All I need is you. You can get me a card, I don’t need anything else.”

    So I guess I’m writing a poem just for him . . . I may still put together a little basket of homemade goodies (he likes goodies) to “share”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:33pm

  779. 779: MelNo Gravatar says:

    “Go With The Flow-buary”

    Even better! 😉

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:33pm

  780. 780: MelNo Gravatar says:

    For me, Go with the Flow-buary means letting go of the “I love you” stalemate. No words? No matter!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:35pm

  781. 781: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ 558 Silver Moonbeam

    ….”does he have a brother”….

    lol …..he doesn’t have a brother, only a sister……..I wish I could clone 100 of him and send them out into the world…..


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:37pm

  782. 782: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelly, aw… I felt it was someone from the blog… how brave of you to be open and share that way. Thank you.

    And yes, I need a new name for him, but nothing is coming to mind. I don’t want to refer to him as my ex, as that feels negative and a fresh start would be really the only way I feel it getting better, so leaving the past in the past. I was referring to him as yummy for a few days, and he totally is… but doesn’t feel like the right name either. I could use an army type name, but that isn’t who he is to me either. I need to sit with this until something special comes to mind.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:38pm

  783. 783: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    638 Mali

    …..totally love your post…..and I can’t imagine your vibe that’s going with it…..

    wow do tell what you’re attracting…I am so excited for you!


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:39pm

  784. 784: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    So here is what happened…

    I needed to be upfront with S… I asked what was holding him. He told me that he doesn’t think he can be faithful to me, that the reason he broke up with me was because he almost cheated and that he didn’t because the other person did not pursue things further, but that he would have done it. That he was pushing for the house and marriage for his own convenience, because he doesn’t have the green card, but that he knows that it wasn’t fair for me. That I am a wonderful woman, and bla bla, but that he knows he cannot be faithful to me, perhaps because he is not that into me to begin with. I almost threw up, after that, I felt so disgusted and turned off.

    I was open to give this a chance, but in no way I will sacrifice myself in the process. I want a relationship so bad that I forget about my own well being. I am learning and I know soon I will be glad I did not end up with this man.

    Funny thing is that te day he “almost” cheated, I had a premonition I was driving and I started thinking about my Father and started to cry, I was feeling uneasy and feeling “S” was with someone else, but I thought it was my NV’s still I told “S” how I felt and two days later he broke it off over the phone, But never told me the reason until today.

    I can forgive many things in a man, but I cannot forgive the lack of loyalty. I am done, no friendship, no contact no anything, I feel so turned off right now. This man is so wrong for me. I am replying to the 10 emails I got from POF and now I will cd until I get married, No more exclusivity, I want the whole package!!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:42pm

  785. 785: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I am sooo impressed you run in the snow! Wow, what a siren! :) It’s unseasonably warm here today, 56 degrees, and was sunny, felt glorious, and was a sweet reminder of what’s to come. It’s been a very mild winter. I kinda wanted a snowy, cozy one… but this feels good too!

    Silver Moonbeam…. come back siren! We need your charming self here!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:45pm

  786. 786: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Mali, I feel confused. Are you actually dating these men or mainfesting for it to happen? Twice you referred to Valentine’s day, and that’s 2 weeks away. I’m not quite sure what is going on, but your energy is amazing!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:48pm

  787. 787: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I think I am going to break up with my Safe CD tonight:( Feels bad.. but it’s just not going anywhere and he wants to see more and more of me.. I don’t feel attracted or even connected.. except that he is a good person and really trying to build something with me.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:48pm

  788. 788: Practicing girlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    First time blogging! Yay me, love me.

    Feeling a bit crummy after a date with a relatively new CD. (He invited me both times – I have never contacted him).
    After second coffee date I felt a bit crumbtakey, since almost immediately he said he couldnt stay for long and that he felt a bit tired and that he was off to celebrate his new job with another girl – who he seeing for a while!!!

    Really should have been the que for me to say ‘gotta go’, although knowing I was triggered I tried a FM and said ‘it feels a bit weird to hear that’. When he said why? – I sort of couldnt say any more, felt clammed up. He filled the space with ‘(jokingly and grinning)…so then I wont tell you about what I get up to then. I said quietly ‘Oh!’. He sort of changed the subject then and we continued to walk through the park to the coffee place.
    Actually the coffee bit felt fun as I sort of leaned back by this point thinking oh well I might as well have some fun on my saturday coffee date here.

    But on our way back to walk me home – he stopped into the shop to buy some sparkling wine to take with him to his other date as there was no other shop on his way. I wish I had told him to bog off at this point – (although prob better) practiced a FM like – ‘Im a bit confused about what is going on here…Im just and girl and Im feeling a bit unimportant …

    To top off his lack of sensitivity, on monday morning he emails me a flyer with details for for a commercially run singles/dating party! although with an x

    I had several thought about this..
    1) he is showing me where more dates could be – this is a good thing!! (as I said to him I was dating with a mind set of finding someone special in my life and did not want to be exclusive with anyone untill that man really showed up for me)

    2) My NV’s however also thought he was saying that he does not feel attracted to me and that I should find other men to date and that he only wants to be my friend – which made me feel a bit unfeminine and unattractive! And I dont want to feel like that!

    3) then I got really angry and fumed with myself for being a crumbtaking queen and should say no thankyou to his offer of just being friends.

    I was angry for ages and tried to compose an email saying that I did not want to be firends as it would not feel good to me right now etc in the Rori way

    Then I realised my drama queen was prob lashing out unessarily and that we had only been on a few coffee dates for goodness sake and that I should calm down!!! And that he was actually only sending me some information really – and I could not and definately should not try and analyse what his intensions were in sending it (his business).

    Instead just to see how it felt for me. Well I dont want to be ‘friends’ or friends with him! However once I calmed down I realised that this man may actually be good practice for me here since it seems to be triggering me so much and perhaps I should keep him in the practice rotation for a bit longer.

    So I simply replied ‘thank you for the information [dizzy CD]. I have received so many wonderful gifts today – and Im feeling cherished’ x

    He replied ‘x’.

    I am taking my energy out of there right now and gonna look after myself. Felt much better today – and went to the supermarket this evening and made nice eyecontact with some men – not an easy one for me – must be losing my fear a little.

    Will be practicing the ‘Let go’ and the ‘voting for me’ tools tomorrow.

    Thank you for the blogging space Rori.

    Love Practicing girl.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:50pm

  789. 789: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling peaceful and feeling so surprised to feel like that…

    Wondering if it’s the run and the endorphins?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 4:56pm

  790. 790: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I feel clearer when I exercise. Think it’s all the oxygen!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:08pm

  791. 791: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    But I do feel insecure, I wonder if any man will be able to be faithful to me. I know, I know NV’s… What am I doing? Why do I go for these men? …

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:15pm

  792. 792: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m supposed to meet up with that college guy and some of his friends this weekend…. but I really don’t want to go. I don’t wnat to drive to the city, I don’t know if any of my friends can come with me…. and twice now he’s let me know that I’ll have a place to stay if need be. Um…. heelllooo???? I’m not a big drinker, I have kids to get home to, and it’s the first time I’ll have seen you in at least 18 years. Not sleeping over. I feel like cancelling. Kinda getting on my nerves.

    But, I get that I need to CD, give people a chance, be open to all the possibilities…. but maybe I’ll blow this one off and see who else steps up on POF, he just texted me back to say wait a minute… sorority girl from (our college) not a big drinker…lol. I think not.

    No dude, I wasn’t a big drinker then, and I barely drink now.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:18pm

  793. 793: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Wondering if he is a big drinker, because that doesn’t fly with me.

    Sometimes I feel like putting all these don’t wants on my profile. Problem is, a lot of guys don’t even read what I write, or ignore and contact me anyways, when they are so not what I’m looking for.

    There are a lot of ugly men on POF. yuck. And the guys who write they aren’t into bigger girls… I want to write to them and say, yeah, and I”m not into bald guys! I feel bad for men who go bald in their 20’s…. yikes!

    My ….. has an awesome head of hair, starting to get a little grey… lol, but he will be 40 in April!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:22pm

  794. 794: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohh to add to my feel-good-day, DjCD sent me a message on Facebook…

    I changed my FB picture today and put a pic of me in my pink bikini in the pool from my last vacation.

    He just sent “You look good in that pool”

    Cute :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:26pm

  795. 795: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Woah, my body feels so alarmingly run down

    I have felt so nauseated all day from pain and hormones that I couldn’t eat a thing. And now my lungs hurt (not sure why…I don’t smoke) and my knees feel weak and I feel like puking and I feel like crying for emotional reasons

    And I just want someone to take care of me:(

    I miss my mommy:(

    And I want to mope in victimhood. poor me. poor lonely me and all my hardships that no one would ever help me with. pooooor me.

    maybe i should start with taking a puff so I can keep food down, and EAT SOMETHING ALREADY

    or i could cry myself to sleep. Yes this sounds delicious.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:26pm

  796. 796: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am reading The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway on my commutes home from work (I just got home) and I am finding that it really depresses me. I think that’s what pushed me over the edge this evening. I’m 4 or 5 chapters in.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:29pm

  797. 797: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    from Abraham today…

    “As long as you are feeling discomfort within anything, you’re holding yourself in a vibration where all of the things that you have conjured, and all of the things that you have let the Universe know that you want, cannot flow to you.”

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:34pm

  798. 798: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Thank you for the peptalk FC77.

    I’m pondering the thought.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:35pm

  799. 799: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so sleepy already. Will end my feel-good-day in my bed with my feel-good-book.

    Good night sirens!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:37pm

  800. 800: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Lili))))) xoxo

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:38pm

  801. 801: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    tenny I expected him to say that. I would not give him the basket either, he might feel a little insulted. What I would do is dress up special for him and do what he wants that day.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:39pm

  802. 802: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    tenny, i agree
    you can always write him a poem next year:) or for national poetry day, hehe.

    That’s what I always tell myself when I want to do stuff like that for men’s birthdays/xmas in a new relationship…that there’s always next year:)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:43pm

  803. 803: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    My SmartCD said that it’s really hard for him to make plans in advance since his ex always changes them with respect to giving him the child. So he said that he wanted to see me but wasn’t sure when he can meet – tomorrow or thursday. I feel silly to wait till the last moment for his text. On the other hand, he really is in a bad situation. But it’s not my bad situation? hmm.. If I can plan something else for tomorrow night perhaps I should?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:45pm

  804. 804: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Well, I went Lizka.

    It felt good to be outside and moving, off the couch.

    I walked all the way to the store and bought cigs.

    If I succeeded in quitting that sh*t, that would definitely boost my self esteem.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:47pm

  805. 805: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Btw, he didn’t call. Fiew.

    I don’t know what I would have said anyway, I don’t feel ready to talk to him.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:52pm

  806. 806: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    What is it that you are trying to quit?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:52pm

  807. 807: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    786 Luzydel


    “But I do feel insecure, I wonder if any man will be able to be faithful to me. I know, I know NV’s… What am I doing? Why do I go for these men? ”

    I want to send you big hugs…and I want to send you amazing positive vibes and positive voices……

    You are amazing and what you’ve been through, one day you will look back on and go “whew that was close'”………..

    Maybe you don’t “go” for these men…..maybe many types are attracted to you ….including these types….including all types…,.,.

    our job is to be ourselves and be true to ourselves and not lose ourselves and now you know that big time!!!

    and so you won’t let that happen….

    and you’ll be ready when the next one like him shows up and you will know it in an instant because you recognize that type of guy and where it will go (more nowhere)….


    you will be so ready when a man comes along who is genuine and knows how to treat you well and is capable of the same big love you are……

    and a friend of mine has a saying….

    “the next bus will be here in 15 minutes”…..

    I send you lots of love and good vibes so you remember who you are and feel great when he is in front of you….


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:54pm

  808. 808: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lili41 You seem to be going through the feeling cycle Rori describes in Reconnect. If you look at your posts you will see how your feelings morph, anger, sadness and guilt. You seem to be guilting yourself for what has happened. This is good because you can take a look at how your feelings work, how you work. What you can do is check your body to see where the feelings are in your body and put your hand on it and send love and forgiveness to yourself. “Even though I feel all this sadness, all this guilt I deep and profoundly love and accept myself”. If you could do some tapping too it might help to release the feelings but you have to be open to releasing the feelings out of your body. One thing I did to help me was to imagine my vagina opening and releasing the feelings through there.

    I would say talk to him. But I would not take him back immediately. I believe it is at these moments that we can actually get what we want. If you are authentic and raw when you talk to him he might be willing to give you all that you want. He is the one wanting to talk. Though you don’t know what he wants to talk about as yet, if it is reconciliation then in my mind the power will be all yours. However, a plan would have to be consider where both of you as a team could rebuild trust. If you really think you are beating him over his head then maybe he could help you identify times when you are bliss blocking so you can take your walls down. But I say try to be open to talking to him to see what he wants.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:56pm

  809. 809: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like having a fling, someone who take whatever “S” left away…No expectations, just someone I could feel good, sexy, etc. A nice fling!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 5:58pm

  810. 810: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo what I believe is important is how you feel navigating this situation because the fact of the matter is that the ex will always be there. At least for a few more years untilt the kid(s) are older. You know the situation and should you decide that you don’ want to feel second best in the future you likely will be pressuring him and he will be confused because you knew from early on what you will be dealing with. You were warned.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:01pm

  811. 811: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Thank you for pointing that out Tenny.

    I’m having trouble guiding myself today, I’m lost.

    I was feeling so strong, but some sirens were saying that I was probably frozen and that I would thaw out and it would hit me soon.
    And boy am I thawed out and is it ever hitting me.

    I feel so week and vulnerable right now.

    I agree with you Tenny.
    I don’t trust myself right now.
    Heck, I’ve never trusted myself.
    But I feel that day coming very close, I will trust myself bc I am learning to take care of myself.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:01pm

  812. 812: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Can we have a team detox? I drink way too much soda and I need to quit. Anyone want to keep me accountable?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:05pm

  813. 813: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I just experienced an involuntary attitude self-adjustment while cooking food and taking steps to care for myself (very good, Starla, way to take care of yourself!).

    What happened was I was feeling pretty appreciative of the green beans and smiling at how I always talk sweetly to them in the pan because they are so nutritious and delicious and pretty and bless my life greatly. Then I noticed I wasn’t in a terrible mood for a moment. And then I couldn’t switch back to being in a bad mood. It just didn’t seem to be on the table for me to choose all of a sudden. And not by my own doing; it just HAPPENED to me like that, in the same way that I often feel depression/anger just HAPPENING to me.

    I’ve been intending for a long time to be able to feel better more easily and depressed/angry less often and for shorter periods of time, and have it become a natural and effortless way of being for me. It actually clicked tonight!!! Better feelings happened to come across my brain and body, and my brain and body chose to grab them and replace the bad feelings I was experiencing a moment before. The pattern broke effortlessly.

    The reliable causes of unhappiness are all still there – extreme hunger, pain, hormones, and loneliness – but they don’t bother me as much after my attitude shift. I wonder how much physical discomfort I’ve needlessly been intensifying with my bad attitudes alone, hmmm. But that is a topic for another comment…

    This feels so exciting to me! And this was unintentional! I feel confident that switching to a better thought intentionally will have a similar effect!

    Yes! Thank you, body and brain!!

    You are soooo not defective!!

    Not only are you not defective, you are really strong and brave and re-wire yourself into a deluxe model!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:08pm

  814. 814: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you. I am not quite sure what you mean by second best? it’s not like he is in love with her and I am the other woman, he is trying to find his way in this custody situation. I think he is starting to realize that he is too nice to her, by his own words he played by the rules so far, i.e. giving her the financial support she wanted. but he feels that he is not treated fairly in response. It is very painful, but still I want to keep that out of my relationship with him.. as much as possible. Just don’t know how yet.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:09pm

  815. 815: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    I love The Sun Also Rises and it doesn’t make me feel depressed.. interesting.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:11pm

  816. 816: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 700 Starla I am certain I have read where CC talks about men not wanting to “discuss” the relationship. They just want to live it. We discuss/talk because that is the feminine way of bonding. Men do stuff. They focus on succeeding in their careers when they start to think seriously about the relationship.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:12pm

  817. 817: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Second best because his plans with you might always be put on hold because of whatever with the ex.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:14pm

  818. 818: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “Spending time with you feels really good (if this is true; if not you could say ‘i feel interested in getting to know you more’)…and I feel silly waiting ’till the last moment for a text, and I definitely don’t want to feel that way with a man! and yet… I really don’t want to put added pressure on you as a father. What do you think we could do?”

    Something like this. He’s going to need to find some solution that feels okay to you if he’s going to court you romantically. Maybe you would feel open to planning things out further in advance.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:15pm

  819. 819: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Do you think I can fight it by not agreeing to a last minute plan?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:17pm

  820. 820: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess,
    Soda, eeeeeek, generally so bad for you! So tell me, what’s your soda of choice? 😉

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:17pm

  821. 821: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    @ Aurora

    Thanks!!! I am feeling sad, relieved I did not give in and kept my mind on the big price and kept saying “This is what I want”. It still hurts though, sometimes I believe he really does like me, he was crazy about me (or at least he pretended) maybe all relationships become stale after a while and they all die…Who knows, but It felt so real and promising that I forgot that I was the price…

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:18pm

  822. 822: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #460 – “Ooh! It would feel so good to be curled up in your arms and reading with you right now!

    That sounds leaning forward to me still. ”

    I will have to listen to Reconnect Your Relationship again, but I am pretty sure that is a pretty direct quote from Rori on that CD program! IDK. I was parroting her, as far as I know. I am most definitely still a learner.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:18pm

  823. 823: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo I feel crummy waiting around for people I know I could not do it. I don’t know about fighting it.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:19pm

  824. 824: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 818 I don’t remember hearing that in Reconnect

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:20pm

  825. 825: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I should add that so far we always agreed on a date in advance and he kept it (except when he had this stomach virus and was really sick). But I did not know till the very last moment where we were going and what was happening. Although at the end he always organized it in the best possible way and made me feel special – at the very last moment.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:20pm

  826. 826: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, FW,
    I definitely think the feeling 2nd best thing can be “fought” with sireny communication as it comes up from the beginning.

    You never know until you actually navigate it with your sireny compass. There is a lot of talk in our society about “baby mama drama” and coming second to the ex when she’s mother of his children, but the truth is, this is just a “story” we tell as part of our culture because it is often true. BUT it is also often not true at all, so just speak your feelings and trust your boundaries, lean back, and see how he steps up.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:24pm

  827. 827: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    One of the biggest things I teach is about building a solid foundation for a lasting relationship with a man. And the way to do this is by creating POSITIVE EXPERIENCES with him. Men can’t be talked into relationships. The need for commitment arises from an emotional need deep inside a man. In order for a man to see you as a necessary part of his life, you need to create the right kind of experiences that serve to create emotional attraction in him.

    A positive experience is anything that you both enjoy and that, above all, is fun. Fight the need to talk about the relationship, and instead turn your attention to creating great moments together. Do different things with him – play sports along with the usual dinners and movies. Spend time in groups of friends. Read the paper together and do spontaneous things without planning. Mix it up. All of these experiences show him that you are a woman who is easy and playful to be with, and that’s the kind of woman he’ll realize he’d be a fool to let go of.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:27pm

  828. 828: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    808 Starla

    yes! yes! and YES!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:27pm

  829. 829: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I drink coca cola. I’m drinking about 3 cans a day….I wonder if that contributes to my health issues.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:33pm

  830. 830: LILI 41No Gravatar says:



    You’re making me cry ;(
    I am sooooo deeeeply touched by what you just wrote to me.

    I mean I am really crying hard!
    Pressure showed up in my sinuses in the same instant I started crying.

    Your 2nd paragraph is exactly what I regretted not doing before I agreed to start seeing him again at the beginning of December.
    Once a routine settled in, it was too late for that discussion, it felt out of place.

    He might not even want reconciliation.
    Heck, I don’t even know if I have the courage.

    I’m crying now bc what you just described is exactly the kind of siren I want to become.
    I don’t want to be closed off anymore.
    I hurt myself so badly.
    I refuse to be a victim, I’m in charge of me.

    I feel like I’m in withdrawal of the old me.
    That lashing out anger was like a drug.

    You so “get” me FW! You have gotten me throughout my whole path.

    God bless you for being here! xox

    I’m going to search for tapping now to release the guilt and forgive myself.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:33pm

  831. 831: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla what I have experienced is men putting things at risk to have what they want. I have a male friend who I have personally seen physically attacked twice by an ex because he chose to do something with a woman instead of being at her beck and call because of their son. I can tell you that he loves his son dearly and have made sacrificies for him.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:34pm

  832. 832: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am so glad I let the texting with CF drop yesterday and not try to back lead or lean forward into seeing him tonight! I realize that thinking was me trying to emotionally manipulate him into giving me what I want. I’ve had “it’s okay if we don’t spend more time together, I have plenty of options for dates and fun things to do with my time” on the tip of my tongue/texting fingers for a couple of days now.


    so glad I haven’t actually let this slip out!

    Ladies, I am breaking soooo many patterns!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:35pm

  833. 833: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    *yesterday AND today

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:35pm

  834. 834: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    824 Sun Goddess

    oh I can so relate….I use to love that soda too….

    then I read the can and realized each one has about the equivalent of 20 sugar cubes of sugar…..I would never eat 60 sugar cubes of sugar!!!! in a day…..

    and then there’s the caffeine……

    oh it’s the “real thing” alright……….

    don’t get me wrong…I still enjoy it occasionally…but feel so much better without….

    now my favourite all time drink is

    tall cold glass of ice water……..



    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:36pm

  835. 835: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess, remind me what your health issues are?

    I don’t want to make you feel bad, but that is PLENTY of coca cola to do a *whole lot* of damage to your body and its systems.

    Actually, if you want I could scare you straight.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:38pm

  836. 836: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    #826: He knows that his ex is watching his every step trying to prove that he is not really looking after the child himself. yet to go on a date with me he hired a babysitter and just waited to for the boy to fall asleep so he could leave. He asked the babysitter not to answer the landline. If the ex did catch him it would have resulted in another letter from her lawyer plus an additional legal complaint. I did not even know this was going on, he told me later.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:40pm

  837. 837: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 831 Me too Sun Goddess

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:41pm

  838. 838: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Even if this relationship ends, I will still have to forgive like never before and love like never before.

    I will still need the same courage, determination and will to open up my heart to a new man.

    Bc I still have to go through reconciliation with or without him.

    I have to reconcile with ME!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:41pm

  839. 839: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    829-Aurora Girl,

    Yeah, the caleries alone in one can should scare one away! Water is so boring to me, but I’m going to give it a go. It will be so hard watching everyone else enjoy my favorite drink. Maybe I’ll start slow….and cut down to one a day until I can get to none.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:42pm

  840. 840: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    #827: Good for you!!!!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:42pm

  841. 841: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you Memulo. It is just that I am in a place now where I prefer that men deal with their issues before I involve myself with them. I have enough shxt to work out on my own to take on other people’s issues.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:43pm

  842. 842: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I am already to the scared point, but this “addiction” has been going on for longer than I can remember. It is going to be hard to give up.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:44pm

  843. 843: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    #821: thank you, yes, I feel that it’s against many odds but i somehow feel trusting and willing to navigate.

    Funny, I once had a really big love for many years and everything was against us at the beginning but still it somehow worked out-) I even forgot how it was back then, but the situation was really, really odd.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:47pm

  844. 844: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess take into consideration that when doctors want to test if a particular thing is resident in your cells they put the cells in a sugary liquid. Reason being that the cells will multiply in the presence of the sugar.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:47pm

  845. 845: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess

    from the Livestrong web site:

    “Consuming just one can of Coca-Cola each day for a year can add 51,100 calories to your diet. This can lead to an unwanted weight gain of nearly 15 lb”

    Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/399684-the-sugar-content-of-coke/#ixzz1l5vAggbH


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:48pm

  846. 846: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sun goddess and Starla,

    RE: #830 – I read that Coca Cola uses Coca Cola to clean the batteries on their trucks. My car battery had some corrosion, so I tried it, and it works! Imagine how “nicely” (cough, cough!) it cleans our digestive systems, etc! Yikes!

    Coke and Pepsi used to be my number one addiction. It took three years to break it. Now I am gently trying to break my addiction to diet soda, becuz I know that is not healthy, either. But it broke me of my Coke addiction, which had me on the fast track to being a diabetic, etc. (and I spared myself).

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:48pm

  847. 847: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Memulo:)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:50pm

  848. 848: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    I feel it’s beyond ambitious of me, but my intent is to let him deal with this stuff and figure it out, express my feelings along the way and give him support. I don’t know if I will be able to handle it or if I will even need to, it’s been only 2 dates lol!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:51pm

  849. 849: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Glad I posted my new goal here. You all have given me so many great reasons to quit drinking soda!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:51pm

  850. 850: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess – what are your health issues?

    Haven’t your doctors asked you how much soda you consume?

    I feel reallllly angry at Western doctors that make nutrition an afterthought

    I feel fuming raging angry

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:53pm

  851. 851: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    My doctor told me yesterday that he wants to do a hysterectomy because i have cancerous cells multiplying at an alarming rate.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:55pm

  852. 852: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess, I was a pepsi aholic for years and years. Then I switched to diet. I’ve been cutting back all month, mainly by adding 4-8 cups of water a day, having a small cup of milk or juice in the morning and an occassional cup of tea or mixed drink. I know I can’t give it up all at once, but gradually cutting back is working for me. I don’t feel any better yet though, I had hoped to notice this physical change to inspire me to cut it out completely. Drinking that much water just makes me go to the bathroom a lot.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:57pm

  853. 853: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Re: my 845

    haha i just reacted to an unanswered question, just like I was pointing out to Daria earlier!

    Aaack such a bad habit!

    Going to get in the shower and take care of meeee wonderful meee, be back soon!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:58pm

  854. 854: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess,

    I quit my Pepsi addiction gradually.

    I set certain rules like “only with pizza or fast food” which was once every 2 weeks.
    Now, whenever I take only a couple of sips once a month, I don’t enjoy it at all.
    Can’t even remember why I enjoyed it so much.

    Now, it’s time for me to quit smoking.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:59pm

  855. 855: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    Lol@ going to the bathroom more

    My coworker would kill me if I had to go to the bathroom more than I already do!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 6:59pm

  856. 856: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Good tip Lili!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:01pm

  857. 857: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess I would avoid sugar like the plague if I were you. I would be drinking water with lemon juice.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:06pm

  858. 858: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    No kidding! We are going through an audit at work this week, and we have 3 accountants working in our conference room. I have to walk through there to get to the bathroom. It’s really hard to feel sireny when you have to pee 6 times a day!!! Ugh!

    I did receive two free lunches this week (from our cute accountant, he treated the office staff :) ) and smiled and chatted with them a bit. Which feels sireny.

    Going out with another man, potentially leading him on when I feel emotionally unavailable, feels AWFUL. Yuck, I feel this need to be all upfront and honest.

    Hey, random CD, I’m just going out with you to keep my vibe up, to not obsess over the guy I really want. Hope you don’t mind. No, I’m not going to have sex with you, I expect you to come pick me up, pay for me… oh and hey, who knows… if you make me feel really great maybe I’ll be surprised and want to go out iwth you again.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:10pm

  859. 859: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #845 – I’m with you there, about the doctors’ neglect of nutrition. When I worked with mentally handicapped people in the 80s and 90s, I was with a girl in the hospital for pneumonia. She was on liquids for 3 days. She was hungry, and her first meal they gave her was a cheeseburger and fries.

    Being nonverbal, she pushed it away. I felt fuming furious, too. I couldn’t believe they were so ignorant to break a fast with such a heavy, greasy meal. I didn’t ask for permission: I went down the cafeteria and got her some fresh fruit. She gobbled it down.

    The stupid nurses reprimanded me for giving her something without fu(king permission! What a joke!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:17pm

  860. 860: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ 779: Aurora Girl: Thankyou love! It just seems as though the friends I’m making at university and the things that are happening as a result are amazing! I’ll have accommodation and a job lined up in no time 😉 I feel incredible… I’m learning to turn any worries that I have into gratitude for what I have, and trusting that the Universe will deliver in abubdance… Feeling so empowered… And ut looks like men can sense it too 😉

    @Turquoise- 782: Thankyou! In terms of Valebtines Day , it’s what I’m visualising and feeling for manifestation, and I’m doing it everyday. It’s a lot of fun!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:20pm

  861. 861: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess,

    RE: #846 – For what it’s worth, an old high school friend told me about a year ago that she had a hysterectomy after cancer in her uterus. And she was a nursing supervisor. She said it was coincidence that she was tested, that they were testing for something else, and they caught it early enough to save her life.

    Since then, she adopted a little girl, and they are very happy together!

    Not an easy thing to face. No cheap solutions.

    I did tell you about Dr. Lorraine Day? And the cure for cancer that the American Medical Association hushed by assassinating its discoverer?

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:21pm

  862. 862: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Girls, I normally drink at least 2 liters of water with lemon/herb tea/1 cup of coffee a day, I do go to the bathroom a lot but I don’t care too much-) I love juice but am trying to cut on calories, so don’t really drink it, just eat oranges. Really scared of coke, I heard it’s used to fight weeds! Though when I go skiing, sometimes allow myself to have it with lunch.

    Turquoise, I only feel something if start drinking unhealthy for a day, something feels wrong and heavy.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:21pm

  863. 863: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Another good reason to give up drinking soda is our teeth and bones (colas.) I know my years of being a “soda-holic” has weakened the enamel on my teeth.

    I only indulge on occasion, now and use a straw. My worst habit, ever….

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:22pm

  864. 864: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess,

    Here is a Margaret Lynch video of tapping for cravings, for when you crave your cola.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:22pm

  865. 865: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Silver Tongued Siren –

    Re: 695:
    Silver Tongued Siren:”The funny thing is that we really don’t HAVE an open relationship. He knows I have NEVER agreed to one, and he really only sleeps with me, other than the occasions where he has acted out. Now I think he thinks I have stuck around last time so I will just stick around while he goes around the block checking out chicks real quick to make sure he’s got the best one.”…..

    “I don’t see having these two men as having an open relationship, I see it as cding.”

    Starbright: I have read many of your posts, yet not sure about where things were with the Man you Live with when you got pregnant with Baby’s Bio Dad.

    From previous post, Starbright: “It seems complicated and not sure how one can get one of the men to commit here if two men are in the picture?”

    Why not? that’s what cding is? can you explain a little, I am wondering if I have missed something.

    Starbright: Yes, I realized after I wrote my previous post that by the way I worded it, I sounded like I didn’t agree at all with cding. And, that is not the case. I think it can be very worthwhile.

    It’s just that of course as I said I have read many of your posts but don’t know the whole situation…however, not sure that many men’s egos could take this situation. It is not the average cd situation because of the baby.

    So, not sure how one can keep Man you Live with from sleeping with others if still sleeping with the bio father of Baby (please let me know if I misread and that is not the case.)

    If my memory serves Rori suggests sleeping with one monogamously while cding others or being Rock Star and sleeping with more than one. However, your situation seems somewhat different here.

    Anyhow, don’t want to judge you, just not sure of all the details and really not sure that most men could deal.

    And, seems that mostly the situation feels quite bad to you…and hoping for a better feeling situation for you and Baby! It doesn’t feel like either man has stepped up.

    Hugs to you!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:22pm

  866. 866: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess,

    I’d also be avoiding meat. Cancer feeds on dead cells. The best thing you could do for yourself, besides a second opinion and/or surgery, is to eat nothing but raw fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and sprouts.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:26pm

  867. 867: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    There’s a book about cancer fighting foods.

    It’s got plenty of pictures.

    Powerful antioxydants like blueberries, beets, white tea.

    Darn I don’t remember the title or the author.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:30pm

  868. 868: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    I just did tapping with Margaret Lynch on resistence and fear of failure.

    I feel so much better, perkier and more positive :)

    Scared a bit now, but better.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:33pm

  869. 869: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Tounged Siren, I don’t get it either.

    Laughing Goddess recently said to be that I was telling the universe I wanted my ex back in one breath, and in the next asking the universe to send me my fantasy australian. Maybe the universe can’t give you what you want if you aren’t clear about who/what that is. Since I made it clear to the universe to what I want MOST, it’s been much better! I feel grounded too, clearer…. it felt so good to just decide what I wanted, sink into my feelings about it, and then decide to take it day by day and see what happens. I’ve been surprised! :)

    Just my 2 cents.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:41pm

  870. 870: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Will I ever be in a relationship that last more than 3 months again? Ugh!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:44pm

  871. 871: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens…
    Sooo….GreenCD is married. I’m furious. No I’m not.

    I’m disgusted.

    WHY am I *still* attracting married men. Is this a test?????

    I feel sick.

    Nothing has happened between us, I haven’t even gone out with him yet. He kept asking me but I said no because I’ve been busy and I just had a weird feeling my third eye was telling me something is not right.

    This time I listened to my gut.

    I ran into him tonight and we were talking about different topics and I asked him if he has kids, he said no, then I asked him if he is married, and he said YES.

    But I took a deep breath and squeezed out some feeling messages.

    I said I feel uncomfortable and really akward right now. I don’t want to hang out with or spend time with a married man. I feel weird and I would not want my husband asking out other women to dinner.

    He said all he wanted was conversation just like we are having right now…and that he and his wife are “pretty open”……what????

    I repeated that I feel akward and uncomfortable and I don’t want to feel that way so no thanks.

    And he left…while telling me how much he appreciates my open cadidness and how I told him how I feel…he said he loves talking to me because I do that. Cool on siren points but eww that he is married.

    I’m going to go puke and cry now.

    God/Universe!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to attract single, available, kind, loyal, siren worshiping, moral, happy, rich (at least $ stable LOLs), SINGLE MEN…thank you….please soon would be good….


    I DO feel happy that my gut was right….I just *knew* something was OFF…..and I was RIGHT.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:50pm

  872. 872: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Eeek…. and girls, I was honest with my sister that it felt really great to have my ex here this weekend, reminded me of all the lovely things I’m missing, and that part of me is hopeful we’ll try again. The other part of me feels ok that it may not happen and just happy to know what I want, to set boundaries and feel sure that someone special will be in my life.

    I was scared, she might criticize or judge, we did have a lot of awful times and she witnessed a lot.

    But she said his actions definitely seem that he’s open to it and to take it day by day.

    Part of me feels that it must be true, who would do all this for their ex?

    But then part of me doubts, feels he’s just trying to make it up to me for how bad things were….

    But I still feel ok if that is the truth. I feel open to beautiful possibilities, and certain taht someone good will show up in my life. But, I’m choosing happiness now, not if or when I have a man. I don’t want someone else to make me happy. I want someone to be inspired by how lovely my life is, and want to figure out how to not lose me! :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:51pm

  873. 873: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Team gwtff (go with the flow february),
    well it’s not February yet, but I like to get started on resolutions early.

    The quiet (unringing) phone was driving me mad. I coudn’t stand it. I had to get in the shower where I couldn’t hear it. I did this in hopes that I’d have a missed call when I got out of the shower. No missed call when I get out of the shower. I put it on silent face down away from me to stop “sitting by the phone” and to try to stop pining. I keep picking it up to check if anyone’s (CF) called or texted. I moved the phone behind me (still on silent) where I couldn’t reach it so easily. I kept getting up and looking at it anyway.

    So. In honor of Go With The Flow February/Flowwwbruary, I turned the ringer all the way up, text message alerts too. And I’m gonna go with the flow and answer that mothafugga if he calls and I hear it ringing. Or maybe it won’t ring, but then I won’t have spent the whole night checking if it’s ringing or not.

    It’s funny how I have these little games to find my sense of control to cope with pining feelings, like putting the phone on silent or shutting it off. It just delays the blow, and builds up expectations (oh surely when I get out of the shower I’ll have missed a call from him! surely when i turn my phone on in the morning there will be missed texts and voicemessages!)

    lol cute Starla

    I’m brave Starla now (still cute, just upgraded to +BRAVE!) and will go with the flow and keep the dang ringer on and stop checking it.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:55pm

  874. 874: ElleNo Gravatar says:

    Am I still going in to moderation? I see that the things I wrote this morning to Dominique and FW are still not showing up…

    What’s up with that….??

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:56pm

  875. 875: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    you know what it is that same feeling I got with RecycledCD when I met him….a very persistent man who chased me whe I was lukewarm…well I got that same feeling with this guy that something was off…BUT WITH RECYCLED i WAS SOO f&%KED UP FROM MY RECENT BREAKUP THAT i DIDN’T HAVE MY RADAR TURNED UP ALL THE WAY SO i DIDNT TRUST IT.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 7:58pm

  876. 876: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    649 ((luzydel)))

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:01pm

  877. 877: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    You know what I think would be fun to do here before I go to bed tonight? Is to flip some of the things I feel negatively about when it comes to my fears/turn offs with men. The first one that came to mind is

    “CF doesn’t make enough money to support a family/settle down”

    FLIP, Starla style:

    “CF has a stable, predictable source of income”

    ooooh yummy i love men with stable sources of income that value long term employment and work at jobs that bring them satisfaction

    it feels bad to me when men are jumping from trick to trick, job to job, in search of the next lucrative thrill.

    yummy stable men

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:02pm

  878. 878: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I love that you talk to your beans :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:02pm

  879. 879: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    I am STILL in moderation with the name change. What the heck…

    Which means that Dominique and FW have not received my responses…

    As soon as I am cleared.


    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:03pm

  880. 880: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lol! I just checked my phone!
    force of habit. The ringers are turned alllll the way up.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:04pm

  881. 881: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla… I do that too. At work I turn mine on vibrate or silent. So I check too. I love it when I forget to check, and then find one later… then feel like such a siren for not responding immediately! (because I didn’t get it right away is all! lol)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:08pm

  882. 882: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    849 LILI 41
    (((hugs)))) sorry about your dude and sorry about the girl in the room. I read the earlier posts. 😯
    I feel bad reading it. 

    Cool about quitting soda. I’ve never been a big soda girl but my problem right now is SUGAR in the worst way…and I kid you not. I get really bad sugar lows and I know I need to get off the stuff for real……it’s hard.

    Regarding the quit smoking, you can do it girl. I quit smoking a few years ago (I’m 40) and it was easier than I thought. I know people hate me for saying that but I will tell you what, I just decided to stop and I did. I stopped hanging out with smoker friends and that helped too . I still think smoking sounds fun. But I can’t smoke now, it’s like I’m 14 again when I’ve tried I feel sick and start coughing! I don’t know how I smoked so much for so long….with ToxicEX I smoked a lot of cloves :roll: and regular cigs. It was my coping mechanism for SO LONG…oh and with a beer (or six) of course!!! And a phone!!! Oh Emerson….gah I feel like pulling my hair out just thinking about it. Gggeeeeesh….

    Well anyway LILI 41 you can do it. And I can quit sugar too. You are inspiring me right now.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:09pm

  883. 883: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s one that I feel with every man:

    “He crumbles at first when I have intense emotion and need support, and by the time he’s pulled it together to support me, everything feels even worse”

    Here is my 2 part flip:

    “My being happy is really important to him; he’s scared he’s not good enough to keep me happy”

    “He always snaps out of it when I need emotional support and it triggers him”

    Yum! More flipping:

    “I can COUNT ON HIM to give me support, even when my intense emotions are very triggering to him at first, because he always does, PLUS my being happy is really important to him anyway.”

    Ahhh this feels good. I should do this more.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:19pm

  884. 884: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Well have another CD set up for Saturday, the guy wants to make something cool and fun an offer to pick me up. he seems like a fun guy with a lot of energy. I feel it will be a fun date that will put me back on track and forget about “S”… “D” wants to see me again, I said yes…he used to be a not follow up kind of CD we will see if he can follow up now…

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:20pm

  885. 885: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    878 yay Luzydel!!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:21pm

  886. 886: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Unfortunately Sundays Cd canceled and never called to rescheduled, so I will drop it. I never met him anyway…
    I am reading at quotes from Liz Gilbert will post some here because I feel they apply to me.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:26pm

  887. 887: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    LILI I’m 2 months+ quit smoking. I haven’t had alcohol in as long either, except maybe 1 or 2 total along the way, as it turns out. And just barely started going out again (and just not drinking), as it turns out…

    I had to basically change this part of my life, but I think it’s worth it. You’ll find ways to re-normalize your life after the initial quitting period…

    For example, I’ve found that I can actually go out and socialize without alcohol, or I can drink only 1 and then LEAVE before I want to smoke a cigarette. Not as cool as I used to be, but I made my choice: no more cigarettes ever ever ever ever. Which means I probably won’t be getting drunk for many years to come, and over time I will learn to stay out and socialize for longer periods of time without alcohol.

    Anyway good luck!!! I believe you can do this!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:26pm

  888. 888: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    “I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”
    ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:28pm

  889. 889: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”
    ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:30pm

  890. 890: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for sharing Luzydel, 883 speaks to me!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:34pm

  891. 891: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    So, just by knowing that the thought “There’s something wrong with me…” or “My anger hurts people…” is RUNNING you helps you STOP that thought and replace it with “I’m just fine the way I am. I’m totally unique, and the world cannot do without me exactly as I am. I’m perfect. I’m me. I’m supposed to be me, the way I am…” and then you can work through what happens when you actually start saying NICE things to yourself!

    Even though you may believe that all the “work” that needs to be done is on your “inside,” the truth is that what you do and say on the “outside” is crucial! It can profoundly affect and change what you feel on your inside!

    rori e lettrr

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 8:42pm

  892. 892: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Something that crossed my mind right now!

    In order for me to have a relationship; I have to stop wanting to be in a relationship. I have to drop the desire to be with someone because that desire is making me settle too soon and stop CDing and having fun and enjoying myself.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 9:54pm

  893. 893: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “So starting right now… Know this:

    1. If you allow the dark to BE there, the light will just creep up on you.

    2. It’s when we try to stuff DOWN the dark that it spews out all over everyone and our lives.

    3. When you’re angry with a man, you’re really just yelling at yourself.

    4. So, start talking to yourself about your anger, and let me know what you discover.

    Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:09pm

  894. 894: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    luzydel – yeah! that feels empowering to me

    i got from rori that its natural to want a relationship and to bond with a man…

    but its when i want it because i think its gonna make me “ok” and im not ok without it… then it becomes toxic and comes off as needy

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:17pm

  895. 895: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #731 Flowerchild

    “She shows how being truly authentic (getting down to the raw feeling without a bunch of fluff) gets the best result. Short and to-the-point feeling messages. (This way we don’t really need many rounds to get a lot accomplished.)”

    FC would you mind giving an example of this? I thought FM’s were kinda the fluff??

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:31pm

  896. 896: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #735 Sun Goddess

    Thank you.

    I am sorry you are so young to be going through this, it’s bad enough when you are older. If you decide to go ahead with the surgery, you could look into doing what I did (not an option for all) and keep your ovaries so you don’t go into early menopause.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:34pm

  897. 897: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #781 Turquoise

    I am back after a good sleep. :)

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:45pm

  898. 898: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #807 Sun Goddess

    This will help you BIG TIME to give up the diet soda.


    My gf had it on her FB wall yesterday and she has ditched them all!!

    Tuesday, 31 January 2012 @ 11:54pm

  899. 899: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    Oops sorry this is about diet soda not regular…

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 12:02am

  900. 900: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess: I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through with your health.

    A second opinion would feel really good to me.

    Sending love and healing vibes and a belief in miracles.

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 12:04am

  901. 901: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    ^#847 Turquoise

    See the above link, my gf is on a big diet and doing really well and after reading how diet soda can make you put ON weight she was shocked.

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 12:06am

  902. 902: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Elle hopefully it will be soon.

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 1:17am

  903. 903: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Day 10


    You know, I don’t even know what to be grateful for, because it feels as though there seems so much!

    And part of me is mentally kicking myself for being so “gushy”, but really- just for the gift of being able to meditate and feeling connected to you, knowing you’re taking care of my desires and intentions… for the gift of beautifully relaxing music.

    Everything seems to make me smile these days.

    Sure, I doubt things sometimes, but that’s usually when I’m in the mode of “I need to sort…” instead of “WE need to sort…”. Just knowing that you’re there, that you have my back, fills me with such joy.

    I want to jump up and down and spread the love to everyone of how life can feel so great!

    Thankyou. Tears of gratitude. Because I feel supported and cherished. Thankyou.

    So here I am sitting with MedCD, and I’m feeling intrigued… and the conversation is flowing… I’m feeling so interested to find out more about this man sitting across from me. He seems different to people our age, or atleast more open to speaking about things which have more depth. And I’m fascinated. And so content in knowing that he’s mesmerised by my self assuredness. What he doesn’t know is that I KNOW that I have you. And that makes all the difference 😉

    You know, I met A about two and a half years ago from today, and I’m so happily surprised and grateful that we’ve maintained even sporadic contact. I can’t believe that we’re having dinner today just as we did last Valentines Day. The rawness, the honesty feels scary, yet so AUTHENTIC, that I just feel drawn in by the energy and his vulnerability. It’s true. The more vulnerable I’m being, the more vulnerable he feels comfortable to be. And he wants to see how things go for us, on the basis of not just being “friends”. Wow. I never thought we would get to this place of such realness and intimacy.

    Just wow.

    Gratitude and love as always,

    Mali x

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 1:25am

  904. 904: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Hi Emerson,

    It’s most likely your fear that’s attracting married men.

    Thank for your kind words.

    Together we can quit our addictions. It would feel great to be free of that :)

    Maybe I’ll replace it with exercise. I already started zumba classes, and I do get out of breath.

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 2:32am

  905. 905: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mali I understand from Reconnect that it is the fear of intimacy why we attract married men.

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 2:36am

  906. 906: LILI 41No Gravatar says:


    Thank you Starla.

    You’re inspiring. That was a dealbreaker with D.
    I didn’t smoke w him, but I always did when I drink.
    When I quit, I would start again when drinking.
    I’d have to quite coffea too, that’s also a trigger.

    Rori says addictions are all about stuffing our feelings and emotions.

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 2:41am

  907. 907: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I read all of your kind and helpful comments. I will bring water (and some headache medicine) to work today instead of my sodas. I’m scared it will be a rough day. I won’t be able to check back here until tonight. Hope you all have a super day!

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 2:48am

  908. 908: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    Have a great day Sun Goddess!

    Wednesday, 1 February 2012 @ 2:55am

  909. 909: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to be part of Go with the Flowbuary tooooooo!!!

    Sounds lovely… Or “No Febru-worry”…? I think I’ll do both!!!

    Happy Go-With-The-Flow-Bruary Sirens!!!!!

    I’ll right down my goals for this month later, got to go in the shower and get ready to work now…

    Today, I̵