You are right I am afraid to leave him. If I would leave because of his behavior that would feel like if I am a failure. Like if I am not magical enough to awake special felling in him towards me AGAIN. Not magical enough to awake the depth of feelings he used to have for me.

And that felling of felling not enough hurts a lots. Feel so much pain.

But on the other hand I could snap out of it. Like you say, he is probably not goanna change (not in the near future ) and I don’t feel like “waiting” for him anymore.

Feel very scared about the future and how I would feel in the future. But what he does now is not good for me either . So decided to tell him today that I don’t want to go on like this.

Feel really really scared for my hart.

My husband of 15 years and I had a very difficult last 1.5 year.

During that time I found out that he has contacted his old “love” (his felling were never answered back then), to see if she would like to keep in touch. She never responded to him but I know that he still looks up on internet for information about her.

What was also felt very painful is that besides porn addiction, it felt like an addiction (he never wanted to talk about it), he also contacted escort services. He says that he never actually dared to go there and every time called it of.

Thank to your Tools (Reconnect , MS en your book) Rori I have learned what I could do for myself and for the relationship. And for about last 3 months things were going better and better.

You could imagine how big of a shook I had when discovered that he was looking for escort services on internet. After confronting him about is he called me up a couple of hours later to talk. In big hoop to hear from him that he wants to do everything that takes and that he really wants me felt disappointed to hear that al yes he was wrong but it is up to me what I want. And he will leave if I will want that.
During the conversation felt somehow disconnected from him and did not feel his full presence or “commitment”.

We kind of made up and had a couple of oke days. A couple of days later even made love. Another couple of days later felt rejected by him when was making the advances (in the last year had the courage to approach him maybe only 3-4 times ). Felt really rejected, disappointed an frustrated. His “excuse ” was that we had a “conversation” that day and he was not ready yet and it was late.

That was 2,5 weeks ago from now.

What I found out now is that after calling me up 2,5 weeks ago and saying he was wrong bladiediebla ,later that day he actually called the services.

Life felt like coming to a peaceful place in the last three months and now THIS.

I feel so confused and don’t know what to do.
He himself proficiently and financial is going thru a very difficult time and chances are he will lose his business with in a couple of months. I know that should not use it as an excuse for his behavior but feel very lost.

Thank you for creating tools and teaching materials and a forum for discussing practicing healthy living.

I know we each come from different pespectives, different experiences and different value systems, but the key that I’ve gotten from your series (which I continue listen to, on a rotating basis!) is that I need to know what I feel, what I’m comfortable with, what is acceptable to me. I’ve learned that ultimatums have no power, because they are empty. I’ve learned power speeches do have power, because of the feelings and decisions that back them up. It’s not about what someone else will do, it’s about how I want to live, and my ability to express that (through practice.)
This particular topic thread has danced all over the place, but ultimately, it’s all about the same thing. Learning new patterns to obtain the results we want in life. It’s really simple, but easy to get distracted by the emotional intensity of our current experience.
I have used your tools when interacting with women who have been difficult to work with or live with, and guess what? They work! I have used them with men, and they definitely work. The concept of sitting still long enough to know where I am in the moment, how I feel, what I want, that’s been the magic for me. To slow down and be present. Your tools on simply touching an object and connecting with it ( when I first heard it, I thought that was really stupid, for the record!) ended up being a life-changing tool for me.
I grew up with a lot of screaming, and as an adult react to someone yelling or raising their voice by getting even louder than them to push down the fear. It embarrassed me to lose control, but it felt inevitable, even when I tried calm reasoning, logical conversation, or ultimatums. It always seemed to escalate or I would simply check out and not participate at all, which wasn’t helpful either.
One day, it finally happened. After months of listening to your CDs, I had an aha moment. Instead of engaging in stirring up the volume during an argument with a business partner, I felt my heart pound, the sweat start under my armpits, and noticed it all. I started thinking about grounding myself by touching an object and I moved my fingers to feel the little hollows where your fingers go on the steering wheel, how soft the plastic was, the nubby texture, when I noticed that I was breathing deeper, feeling calm, and taking care of myself first, before I dealt with the discussion. What’s entertaining about this moment to me is my biz partner did not notice that there was anything going on or different at first, but when I didn’t shut him down or start arguing, and just looked at him with a neutral look while I was noticing all this other stuff, he completely stopped and asked me what was going on! I told him I felt bad when we argued, and asked him what he thought. And I didn’t say anything else until he responded to that. To say it was powerful, and an aha moment really doesn’t do it justice. It was an epiphany!!!!!! That was the first truly constructive discussion we’ve had to improve our business relationship, and the last time he has raised his voice to me. We are still business partners, and our friendship is growing, too!
If I could tell your readers and the women posting here one thing, it’s this: it takes time and repetitive practice to really feel comfortable with Rori’s tools. To relax into who you are, to gain confidence in your feminine energy, to practice the tools in a stressful situation; it’s a challenge to undo a lifetime of training and cultural pressure. However, the first time I expressed my truth and emotions, honestly and without manipulations, and had a shockingly positive outcome, I was hooked! I love the freedom that comes with these tools, and encourage each of you that true change is possible.
Rori, I could go on about how many ways your tools have effectively improved my life (including that I am getting my happily ever after and will be married in about forty days after 51 years of being single!), but I would be writing a much, much longer missive.
I just wanted to thank you, Rori, for sharing ideas that really do work with practice, and to encourage everyone else out there to keep listening and keep practicing. And to not give up on your dreams of how you want to live.
And for the Christian women in the house, of which I am one: I feel extremely sad over what is squashed out of us and the joy that is stolen from us in the name of God. We are told that we are set free in God’s love, and then bound right back up with judgement and expectations that take away our freedom again. I have come to know that God is love and I have found a deep abiding delight in choosing mercy over being right. And loving each other where we are at. I can’t begin to have all the answers, but it’s so much fun to explore and learn what I can.
Happy journey.
Sher

For myself, I took my focus off of him and put it entirely on me and where I wanted to be and what I could do for myself (for me that was a closer walk with God). In doing that, I found what I consider some really good guidance…

“Six Characteristics for a Potential Spouse” by Dennis Rainey: http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nl/content3.asp?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=3584679&ct=4639461

“How Do You Find A Mate?” by Alistair Begg: http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content.aspx?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=3587803&content_id={A9C3AA90-E472-45CF-B63E-406E4416B8D0}&notoc=1&printmode=1 (click the audio link, on the right, OR read the full transcript, at the bottom of the page)

These were incredibly invaluable to me. In fact, the more I followed this, the more confident and independent I became.