Here’s part of a comment from Clare – the whole comment is right here->:
“Rori, Is it possible to not be able to get over your first love? It has been 4 years and still I can’t get over the guy whom I first gave my heart & soul to… no there was no sex… but till now, I feel that he is my soul mate. He left me when things got really intense. He had too many other commitments and it was impossible to spend time together. Every time we meet, it would always be tension and silence. But I feel connected with him. Will I ever get over him and find someone whom I can connect with heart and soul? Clare”
I’ve written a lot about the need for “Closure” – Some of us need closure every minute of every day – with everything – it can get to the point of obsessive-compulsive behavior – with needing “closure” about hand-washing, and checking everything 20 times and counting the steps you take to get to the bathroom…and for those of us who go there in our minds only some of the time (we all do it some of the time), it can be going to the same old tape in our heads, over and over again – somehow thinking that returning to the same thought a million times plus one will end the spell and provide, finally, “Closure.”
And that will never happen.
There is no Closure. Wanting Closure is what creates “If Onlies.” And the “If Onlies” are what keep us stuck, as Clare is, in “What Might Have Been” – instead of “What Is,” and “What Will Be.”
So – what’s one thing Clare can do (and you too, if you’re feeling stuck back with some man from yesterday) to free herself and move forward?
Take him with you.
That’s it. Plain and simple – don’t TRY to “Let Go.” Don’t TRY to “Move On.”
Just move forward with your life, do the Tools, Circular Date, Heal Yourself, and TAKE HIM WITH you.
Just put him on the back of your “Horse” (The horse imagery and Tools is in my Heart Connection Toolkit “Plan”) and ride down your Highway Of Love. Don’t pay attention to him – yeah – he’s pulling on you – but soon enough, an amazing thing will happen.
As you’re riding along, talking with men, learning about yourself and how you STOP yourself from really engaging with and being authentic with – just BEING with – a man, you’ll start to feel excited about your possibilities.
And as you become excited – you’re going to become BORED with this “old” guy sitting on the back of your Horse.
You’re going to get tired of feeding him, and paying attention to him – basically – you’re going to want to kick him off.
You’re going to want him to disappear. You’re going to want him to get lost. You’re going to get weary and irritated with all the energy it takes to keep him ALIVE for you on the back of that horse there.
You’re going to WANT to be free.
You’re going to feel stronger, you’re going to feel more confident, you’re going to trust yourself more, and – yes – you’re going to meet MANY new men. And as you go along – they’re all going to change.
Instead of looking like toads in comparison to that man on the back of your Horse, the new men you meet and talk to and learn to be YOURSELF with are going to look BETTER than he does.
So let me know when that happens – because it will.
And – guess what – even if you choose to keep him on the back of your Horse – HE will change!
He’ll become your “muse” – he’ll begin to HELP you with these new men.
And instead of “Letting Go” – all you’ll have to do is “Let It Happen.” And then – everything you truly want WILL happen.