Is Your Ego Keeping Love At Bay?

love advice Here’s a great guest post from Orna and Matthew Walters, who’re doing a fantastic tele-summit starting July 11th with great relationship experts (especially them – I really think Orna and Matthew are amazing together, as coaches, as people, as a business team, as a romantic couple – in every way)…

The one thing we all desire is love.  And not just any love, what we truly desire is to be loved for who we really are; to share our life with someone and to feel acceptance from a man who is committed to you.   And yet so many of us struggle to fulfill this desire.

What keeps us from having something that is so important to our happiness?  Usually it’s our behavior that is in conflict with our desire for love.  In order to understand why our true desire is so often sabotaged by our behavior, we have to understand where our behavior comes from.

Upwards of 90% of our behavior is generated from our subconscious mind and our subconscious is responding to our present through the lens of our PAST experiences.  This is why it is so easy to recreate the same experiences over and over and over again.  We learn a strategy for dealing with a situation early on in life and our subconscious applies that strategy to similar situations in the present.

If our past is filled with heartache because we were betrayed, it’s very easy to attract betrayal yet again.

We hear you, this doesn’t sound like good news. . .

However, once we understand a few things about our hard wiring, we can then focus to create the outcome of our desire – which in this case is LOVE (it will work with anything else that you desire too).

Our ego is committed to Homeostasis – now for those you who either slept through, or ditched science class – homeostasis is the state of keeping things the SAME!

Homeostasis is what keeps your body at a certain temperature, your blood pressure and body temperature within a narrow range, and your behavior consistent from one day to the next.

That’s right, our ego, and every other part of us is committed to keeping things exactly as they are.


Because right now you are ALIVE.

Now you may be alive, but you may not be happy, or feeling cared for, or loved. . . and quite frankly your ego doesn’t care.

Like Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind, should you be able to have a conversation about all this love that you desire would tell you “Frankly, I don’t give a damn!”

Being alive is the priority of our ego and our entire body.

In order to have LOVE – true soul partnership love – we must be committed to THRIVE!

One way that your ego may sabotage your heart is by convincing you that love must come from ONE person.   No one else can make you feel the way he did.  No one else will treat you the way he did.  These are all lies of the ego.

The Truth is that love is limitless with limitless expressions.  You can choose to create love with any person.  You can choose to feel loved at any moment.  Only our ego stands in the way of love when we continue to look for love in limited ways.

The ego tells you HOW love is supposed to show up in your life.  Your man may show he loves you rather then tell you – and if you are upset that you’re not hearing it, that simply keeps you from experiencing the love he is SHOWING you.

Our ego also has the need to be right.  Being right and feeling loved are not connected in any way.  When we get stuck in needing to be right in relationship, we fail to see the love that is available to us in the moment.

Love comes from connection and intimacy and does not require agreement.

Your ego may also be blocking love because it is holding onto anger and resentment from the past.  Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  Resentment only harms you and your well-being.

The way out of resentment is to practice forgiveness.  Forgiveness for self and others is a loving act that will attract more love in your life.

Become aware of how your ego is getting in the way of you creating love in your life.  By letting spirit be your guide, you can release old patterns and move into limitless love.

Join us this summer and learn from 21+ Top Experts in love, dating, relationship, sex and intimacy how to create love on your terms.  The Love On Purpose Revolution starts July 11th and can make this Your Summer of Love!


From Me:  This tele-summit is FREE – I’m going to call in, and my 5 Heart Connection Tools are a bonus with it (in case you lost your copy)…

Love, Rori




To share this post:Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on TumblrDigg thisEmail this to someoneShare on Reddit

written by Permalink

816 Comments to “Is Your Ego Keeping Love At Bay?”

  1. 1: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh, I wish I would have found Rori before everything fell apart!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:09am

  2. 2: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ice Princess,

    I often think that… but then, everything happens for a reason! 😉 xx

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:18am

  3. 3: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Lucy,

    Thanks for your reply on the previous thread.

    I am so glad Lillybelle was there too! (Thanks Lillybelle).

    Yes I do believe that an emotionally ready and mature man would not need so much reassuring, or be put off so easily.

    The reason I have not posted Rori’s reply is because she said she is going to make a separate post out of our e-mail exchanges, but she basically said I didn’t mess up and I would text in a fee days something flirty if I want to AND that it would be a fling NOT a relationship… so if I can go with that do it… and if not don’t go there.

    Funny just having her reply did help me feel calmer.

    Although I would still love to know why he didn’t call.

    Guess its just one of those things in life I may never know.

    So happy to hear about how things are going with you and your guy Lucy!

    😉 xxx

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:23am

  4. 4: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah I guess you’re right. If we end up back together we both are growing on our own and if not I learned what not to do but its just so painful and raw right now!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:01am

  5. 5: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, world. I am thankful for July 2007.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:26am

  6. 6: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello SLV

    I feel curious

    What happened in July 2007?


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:43am

  7. 7: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel ya… I have been here (that is what brought me to Rori). It does get better. I don’t even want to be back with my ex anymore and I NEVER thought that I would be saying that!

    You have started a new journey. You will probably learn things here and grow in ways you can’t imagine.

    Its ok to be raw…

    Sending you some hugs!


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:45am

  8. 8: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    You are so welcome, Ella. I’m glad that Rori was able to bring you the peace and confidence you desired.

    How are you feeling today?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:49am

  9. 9: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I feel like jumping up and down for you in excitement!

    And you are right, things will work out in their own way/time.

    Sure wish you could “dish” a bit about this. But, I totally respect your decision not to. I think I remember you saying he *could* be reading us. 😉

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:51am

  10. 10: DENo Gravatar says:

    Gosh, what do i have to say about my ego, my alter-ego????

    We know each other well…maybe too well…:(

    Last nite, at the salsa place I go to every other week, I felt ignored…unseen…small…by both of my trainers (ballroom and salsa trainer). I felt surprised…curious as to why…and then…i felt mad…”how darn they?” “i pay lots of money (for me) to get the training…and they would ignore me?” and then…I felt sad…”Gosh, why is it that I can’t find someone to teach me for free…and treat me well?”…what did I do to deserve it?

    I know both of them had/have a small crush…I smell their arrousal (sexual scent) when they would dance with me…the last time we were all in public, they were awesome to me…and they teased me for being quite “popular” at the club that nite…:(

    I went home early last nite…Just as I got home, one of them txt me…”why did u leave so early????” i didn’t respond…at the time, i was thinking of cancelling my lessons with him…not sure yet, what i am going to do…i don’t feel good being treated like this…:( and i feel confused if my desire/expectation to be treated well and acknowledged by male friends is my ego talking? me and my ego???? or is me???

    I love my ego…I love my feelings…I love me…

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:55am

  11. 11: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @6: Ella says:
    “…I feel curious
    What happened in July 2007?…’

    I started exploring after reading “4-hour workweek” and seeing the guy who used one red paper clip to trade up for a house. I found those very interesting and that led to exploration of other things and those led to other things… kind of things… 😀

    I was thinking yesterday that this month is rather an anniversary. It’s amazing how one little change in step causes ripples onto other life pathways. However, I tend to take small things and perhaps explore more than many people. I love it!

    If you moved to another city or went back to school and met different people, or changed jobs or apartments etc there could be far reaching changes in life.

    Do you have any little changes scheduled?


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 9:33am

  12. 12: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Is there a way to search for a keyword in old posts? I really want to see what Rori says about saying “I love you” – when to say it, who should say it first.

    I don’t know why, but right now I can’t stop thinking about wanting to tell poker player that I love him. I just feel it so stongly that I want to say it. Would that be so bad?

    I think he feels it too but hasn’t said anything. The other night while we were making love I am almost positive he said “tell me you love me”. I said “what?” but he didn’t say anything after that.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 9:59am

  13. 13: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I am excited for the Love on Purpose teleconferences but I hope the recordings will be available for download afterwards since I’m not home from work until after 6 :(

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 10:02am

  14. 14: Shar lean way backNo Gravatar says:

    FW you said “It would make me feel so cherished if I had a man who chose to work to take care of me as well as change priorities if necessary to spend quality time with me.”

    Would he have to “work” to take care of you? could he just take care of you financially and always make time to spend with you? This is something I am working on drop my limiting beliefs around how money and financial freedom appears.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 10:20am

  15. 15: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Ella! It’s raining here today, so I went to the mall and bought some new clothes that make me feel great. Maybe they will help bring on new changes. :)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 10:39am

  16. 16: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 14 I include work because I know many men see their purpose and their career as inextricably intertwined and could see themselves as losers if they are not successfully earning. When they are focussed on their purpose (careers) they can really be ready to do relationship well.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 10:57am

  17. 17: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 12 T-Girl I think I saw it here somewhere but the way to go is to allow the guy to lead. Many men hear “tell me you love me too” when we say it first. I believe Rori’s point was to see where you are coming from when you say it. What is it you want from him in saying the L word.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 10:59am

  18. 18: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    FW – Its not that I want to hear him say it perse, it is that I want to tell him how I feel but I think I remember reading it also to let the guy lead so I feel like I am bottling my feelings. So I am waiting for him to say it so I can tell him. I feel like I am bursting because I want to tell him so bad.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:02am

  19. 19: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelly, thanks! I wish too that I could talk about this more on here!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:06am

  20. 20: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Orna and Matthew, thanks for a great article – I love it! <3

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:07am

  21. 21: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, can you share why Rori said it would be a fling, not a relationship? I feel curious. Is it bc he is not pursuing strongly or what? Thanks for sharing in my happiness about “my” guy. <3

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:11am

  22. 22: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t looked at his FB in 24 hours. I am looking at Ella’s instead.

    Creeeepy stalker!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:13am

  23. 23: Shar lean way backNo Gravatar says:

    FW 16- Good point. I will have to set with that.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:22am

  24. 24: DaisyNo Gravatar says:

    This article is so timely. I spent about an hour last night tapping away some limiting beliefs and doing some EMDR about some old relationships so that I can go into my date tonight in a much healthier place than I was walking into my last set of CDs – I’ve taken a break from CDing men for a while and am starting up again tonight.

    My old way of being was “alive, but ‘less than'”. Tonight, I choose to be free of the self-defeating lies and choose, instead, to believe that I am beautiful, confident and deserve to receive love from an exceptional man (as I define exceptional) who sees me for who I really am and that I am open and willing to give love to him as well.

    I haven’t posted here in a long time, but am thankful to have some free time in order to catch up on posts and am blessed by you Sirens and your openness to share your process and wisdom.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:25am

  25. 25: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 24 Daisy I feel a bit triggered and resistant to giving love. It somehow feels a bit draining to me at this moment. I feel like sharing love. Right now I feel like I only want to give love to myself unconditionally.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:35am

  26. 26: ZDNo Gravatar says:


    im not sure if yu read my very long story on the last post, but in case u did (or if any of you did) is it bad that I still txt this guy?

    I had a txt from him this 4am telling me about something we had previously spoken about. It was something like really casual though.

    I noticed it this afternoon however so responded about 10 hours later lol. What i noticed is that I do not feel anxious about our conversations anymore, I wouldnt even say excited. I just feel…. at ease. I do know that I still have strong feelings for him. Not sure what is happening here.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:38am

  27. 27: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 18 I just looked at his facebook and felt terror.

    I want to tell him that also T-Girl but I am telling myself. I feel like my heart bursting and like running away from everything and life but I riffed about it. It is intense just sitting with my feelings and looking at the candy I was going to stuff them with. I just want to feel safe to express my feelings openly.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:39am

  28. 28: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Went to look at an apartment today. Yuck. For what I can afford, I will most certainly be living in a musty cave-like hole in this city.

    It made me feel really, really hopeless. Firstly the realization of having to live on my own hit me. Secondly I thought wow… this is really going to be my life now. This sucks! Then I felt like a failure all over again. This was supposed to be my time to finally be settled in my life. To finally have enough income between the two of us to maybe buy a small house. To make a real home. Now I will probably have to live in a place no bigger (or nicer) than a college dorm. Ugh. My energy level is very low at the moment. I feel like I’m heavy and boneless and sinking into the earth. Blegh.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:42am

  29. 29: DaisyNo Gravatar says:

    #25 FW – oh, I agree with you! I like your word so much better…share love. I was typing in stream of consciousness, so wasn’t very careful choosing my words. Sharing seems softer and more mutual.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:43am

  30. 30: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel enlivened reading this article. Thank you Oma and Matthew!

    This quote really resonates with me…

    “The ego tells you HOW love is supposed to show up in your life.  Your man may show he loves you rather then tell you – and if you are upset that you’re not hearing it, that simply keeps you from experiencing the love he is SHOWING you.”

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:50am

  31. 31: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    28 Mel,

    Please just remember these feelings are temporary. I remember feeling like my new identity was going to be “divorced, single mom”. I thought that is how everyone was going to look at me and feel sorry for me. But that didn’t happen.

    I can assure you it gets better. Right now you are ony seeing the negative sides but there are positive sides as well. Yes, you may be living in a small, musty cave but it will be YOUR small, musty cave. What a great accomplishment for you that you can provide for yourself. You will be able to make the place yours and enjoy it how you see fit. There are great things for you ahead. I am sure of it!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:52am

  32. 32: AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    If you’re not attached to an outcome and you feel strong enough to tell someone you love them than do it. I told a man I am still in love with him and though he might not feel the same I was true to myself and I love me for it. I wasn’t expecting any answers if I never spoke to him again I would feel happy I told him. I have nothing to lose at this point, we are on seperate paths and live an hour or so away from eachother. I wouldn’t want to leave my family and his daughter is there with him. He wants to be back up north and I wouldn’t want to live there. It just shows you that you can love and respect someone and still realize maybe he is not “The One” or maybe he is. Regardless it is in God’s hands and being true to yourself feels good and sireny. I have the upper hand still because I choose to and will not stop living in happiness because he didn’t say it back or doesn’t love me. I don’t know his answer but it’s ok, one day at a time when things are meant to be they will be whether with him or someone else.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:52am

  33. 33: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really confused about him now. He keeps texting me, but i start feeling like he doesnt want to talk. When i tell im how that feels he just says thats not what it is, im just the one feeling that way. This time i took rusty’s advice and took his word for it.

    Feels much more…. peaceful.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:52am

  34. 34: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    30 Laughting Goddess

    Thank you for pointing out that quote. That is what I needed to read but must have glossed right over it when I read the article.

    Even though I am bursting with love and want to say it, I am going to show it instead. I feel love from him so I am not going to focus on the words.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:54am

  35. 35: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    I have a question – my man is promoting a party this weekend and I’m debating about going. As of late, we have been arguing over issues from the past that I told him about years ago. These issues have resufaced because he read my journal and I have lied to him about a few things – I know that wasn’t right and I regret doing them – and right after he came home I ended a fling that I was having during his time of incarceration – which by the way during his time away we agreed that I could see other people on a physical basis since he was gone for a long time. He found out about it and feels that I cheated and the fling should have been over before he came home. It was but I guess I felt like I needed to really end it for closure. We got over this or so I thought until he asked me if I had seen another one of my ex’s one night while I was out and I got nervous and lied that I did not see him – nothing happened with my ex we just said hello and kept it moving. This was my boyfriend’s braking point so we broke up but have been working to get back together but time spent together is on a once a week basis and I try to call once a day – somedays he doesn’t answer, other days he will answer chat for a few then say he’ll call back and doesn’t. We argue once a week about the same stuff I thought we moved past. I’m at my wit’s end and not sure if I should go to this party this weekend.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:59am

  36. 36: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Since my heart is bursting I am going to write it here:

    I am the luckiest girl in the world…

    Last year at this time I was just existing in life, not living in it. My self esteem was at 0 and I felt like a frumpy, fat, middle-aged woman. Who would have known that I would have met someone who takes such good care of me, makes me feel beautiful and special and is the best lover I have ever had.

    And I can honestly say that Rori and all of you sirens have helped me to get there and to grow. Yes, I still have work to do but wow, what a difference. I feel so thankful for finding this site. Thank you Rori.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 12:02pm

  37. 37: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 36

    That sounds hopeful to me T-Girl! Thanks for sharing!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 12:08pm

  38. 38: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    my thoughts about your feelings about the dance instructors:

    I don’t know what studio you take from, but when I taught at a franchise – there were specific policies about how to behave with students outside the studio. We were extensively trained on how to manage a student’s experience. We were taught how to identify what student’s needs are and how to conform to their personality. What you are paying for is the service. If you just want to dance, make sure you understand how to follow and just make a point to connect with good dancers,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 12:40pm

  39. 39: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    28 Mel


    Would you consider staying in your house and have him leave the place?
    Have you asked a lawyer about this?
    He is the one who wants to stop the marriage, you have no reason at all to be the one leaving and suffering a bad housing. Even if you leave for Europe a few months later, it does not matter, you still can make him leave so you can keep in a clean safe place as long as you need to.

    ***This was supposed to be my time to finally be settled in my life. To finally have enough income between the two of us to maybe buy a small house. To make a real home ***
    this is taken in account in a divorce in some countries.
    He made you leave your home town and you job for him to get a better job, so a better life, and now that he got it; he dumps you in a town where there is nothing for you.
    The laws could check into this state of things for you. He might even have to pay your plane ticket back home if you want to go back home.
    You followed your husband because your marriage made you believe his new job would be benefiting your life too, not only his. That’s what marriage is about. If you had not been married you would have kept your life and your job back home, you would not be risking a bad housing today. He put you in this situation for him to get his job.
    And you have worked while he was studying.
    The law will see that you get compensated for what you gave into your marriage. It won’t let you suffer bad housing while he keeps decent housing and car. He might have to give you money until you get back on your feet

    Check on Internet, I am sure sure you will find Canadian organizations that give free legal advice according to your incomes.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 12:58pm

  40. 40: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Today is a little easier in trying to reclaim my vibe and take care of myself. Though, I am TERRIFIED that this is going to result in me losing him forever.

    But if that’s the case, I HAVE to be okay with it. I have to. Because I don’t want to be with a man who punishes me or gives me grief for taking care of myself or for having standards.

    If you don’t like it, then yes man, please, please leave.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:00pm

  41. 41: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Something that is really weighing heavy on my mind is how do I undo damage I caused? Is there any way at all? Is it even possible?

    For all the f*cked up things I said to him, the f*cked up way I acted…I’ve apologized, but in my mind the best I can do is just change the way I do things. But in order for me to manage my emotions in a healthier, safer way, I have to start asserting my boundaries, which means holding him accountable for them (or rather holding myself accountable).

    I wasn’t doing it before because I knew I had been a bad girl in the relationship. I let things slide with him because I was being bad too. But at some point something’s gotta give.

    I don’t want to be locked in this pattern of “it’s okay if you act sh*tty cuz I do too”

    I like “It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes, because we are both usually so amazing to each other” much better.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:03pm

  42. 42: maliNo Gravatar says:

    I am not happy.

    Feeling all RAA RAA RAA and angry, and drama queen-sh
    Feeling sad and overwhelmed and almost at that point of letting go.

    I left the place I used to work at about two weeks ago, they haven’t paid me for the last shift I worked. I’ve spoken to the manager twice, who said she’d call back, and didn’t. I feel sad, disappointed that she didn’t.
    I rang in today to talk to her three times, Twice, I was told she was busy, the third time, someone told me they’d make sure she called me back. She didn’t.

    I feel BAD, sad, MAD, that she didn’t call.
    And I feel bleurgh, too much pressure in my throat when I think of not being paid that money.

    That is my right, MY right. I earned that money. MINE.
    Throat feels tight, and I can feel myself tearing up. Body feels heavy. I feel small. Like nothing.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:03pm

  43. 43: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m right there with you, Babe. I feel like doing something again. (at least I got past the urge to freakin go up to Boston). But I feel tempted to call him in a few days. Is this a horrible idea? Does it do any harm?
    In general, I feel good. I am looking good and I’m getting tons of attention from men, and it feels great. I miss him a lot and sense that he’s angry and that’sy why I’m not hearing from him. Is it impossible that he’s walking around suffering and mad that I never made him important, and thtat I never loved him enough? If he is, then isn’t it a shame that I’m also walking around, brokenhearted that we aren’t together. I sometimes didn’t make him important enough because I was following some rules. I wish I had been able to communicate with him effectively about the behaviours that I didn’t like. I intend to communicate honestly and openly with men. It feels like BS to be “not communicating”. Is there harm in reaching out to a man who is apparently shutting us out because of resentment? Oooh – my question is… How do we deal with THEIR ego??

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:06pm

  44. 44: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Gina, I took the rori lean back thing way too far and got very uncomfortable and furious when it was time for ME to give.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:14pm

  45. 45: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi! The internet is down where I am staying. Been real busy, too.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:19pm

  46. 46: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yesterday Hawkman came to see me at my sisters house.

    When it got later he was all tense and undecided about what he was going to do, leave or stay. Snd then I wanted to leave.

    He might get kicked out his program…

    But I didn’t want to tell him what to do.

    I ft bad and disconnected while he was mumbling to himself and thinking to himself .

    Snd then on the Bart train home… He didn’t speak to me even when he got off! No goodbye!

    He was so ‘somewhere else’ with his mind.

    This felt bad!

    I’m not used to this…. But *I* do it!

    And then he started texting me nice stuff about sex. And I brought up Bart and feeling ignored. I had to say it twice. I said I fr invisible.

    Then he said I’m sorry.

    I feel icky, like I feel afraid I’m being too hard to please and unappreciative and NON nurturing. I think that will make men suffer with me… And eventually leave.

    And… I feel worried and unloved too… Felt turned off by the emotional distance…

    It all feels hot amd icky xnd confused in my chest.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:22pm

  47. 47: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – something about this feels disturbing and off to me:

    ’44: Dorothea says:

    Gina, I took the rori lean back thing way too far and got very uncomfortable and furious when it was time for ME to give.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:14pm’

    It sounds more like self attack voices, unworthy voices at work.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:24pm

  48. 48: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe my message is to drop right put of my ‘out there’ mind trips when someone engages me.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:25pm

  49. 49: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, it boils down to there being a difference between holding back and leaning back, in my opinion

    I like leaning back though. It is a vibe thing and good for the soul.

    i am sooooo scared though. ahhhh. not looking at his facebook though, which would probably provide some sort of insight into what he is doing and/or thinking. Not. Looking. Just doing me.

    My coworker gave me some great wisdom today. He said that unlatching yourself from another person is like quitting cigarettes or candy or booze. When you feel anxious, you have to tell yourself it’s just a craving, and it will pass.

    It’s not some message from the universe that I should be fussing over him, or doing anything but taking care of myself. It’s a physiological and psychological craving for something i’ve grown accustomed to.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:29pm

  50. 50: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i just said the word “though” like a bazillion times.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:35pm

  51. 51: Shar lean way backNo Gravatar says:

    Mali 42- Go over her head to the next person up the chain.

    Mel-Please look into the legal issue Loneplum has suggested. I’m not sure about Canada, but my sister, who basically did the same as you, (support her husband until he had a degree and making good money, ) now receives $900 usd a month alimony and has for about 15 years now. Believe me it helps her tremendously. While I on the other hand just wanted out, didnt want anything etc..Now wish I had gone the route my sister took.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:36pm

  52. 52: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea thanks for the analogy about giving up cigarettes. I once heard that creating a habit only takes a few times of replacing the behavior. Hope this is true because there is only so much cleaning I can do! :)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:44pm

  53. 53: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooh! So excited to notice something.

    Hawkman does not do the ‘angry rages’ like what my father does…

    But does do the emotional ‘checking out’ where I feel lonely … Like with my mother.

    I bet tapping on this stiff will clear it out.

    Yay me! Woo hoo this is a step up from angry men.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:44pm

  54. 54: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I have also quit smoking for the hundredth time…day 4 today. I can usually go a couple of weeks. Honestly, spending time with my guy triggers me to smoke again, because he smokes. He is actually very sweet and considerate and won’t smoke around me while I’ve quit, but regardless I will nag him to give me a cigarette until he does.

    I might have to just avoid spending more than an hour or two with him at a time for the next few months, eep!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 1:49pm

  55. 55: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling so afraid and anxious. Scared he is saying things about me on his facebook page. Scared his friends are saying something about me.

    Afraid of being judged.

    What does it matter if I witness the judgment or not?

    If there is something he wants me to react to, then he should come to me directly. If he is using facebook to send me messages, I feel turned off anyway.

    Good thing I am NOT looking.

    Poor Ella, I am wearing her fb page out. You should post something more interesting for me, kthx! :)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:03pm

  56. 56: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – there’s a whole powerless beat me up vibe about this

    You can stop nagging him… Really u can … It feels out of control but is not. U can set the intention and forgive urself for any mistakes

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:04pm

  57. 57: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    49: Dorothea

    *** He said that unlatching yourself from another person is like quitting cigarettes or candy or booze. When you feel anxious, you have to tell yourself it’s just a craving, and it will pass. ***

    Yes it is the man crack

    I have pasted this link often but I love it, so here goes again :)


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:05pm

  58. 58: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    LOL Dorothea @ wearing out Ella’s page! Has he made posts about you before on FB?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:06pm

  59. 59: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I feel super resistant and uncomfortable reading outside assessments about whether or not I’m powerless (or my vibe seems that way, or whatever) here. I don’t really want to, in fact.

    Hope you understand! I know you’re just itchin to help me here! I’m just letting out my anxieties here as an alternative to leaning forward in practice, until I can get my vibe aligned with the practice.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:07pm

  60. 60: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    ice princess, yes but most of the time they’re vague. but we both know it’s about me.

    i used to do that too. blech. haha

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:08pm

  61. 61: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I am guilty of it too. That’s why I haven’t been posting much there lately.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:11pm

  62. 62: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    “I like “It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes, because we are both usually so amazing to each other” much better.

    This is where I am coming from too Dorothea. My guy isn’t perfect yet neither am I.

    And I feel so good about the way we treat each other most of the time.

    And I feel safe with him. I feel trusting of him.

    I feel inspired to continue being the best person I can be and as I evolve and grow, I see him doing the same.

    I’m becoming aware of a belief I have that if I really thrive and live up to who I know I can be, I will outgrow him. I can see how in some ways I have been holding back for that reason.

    I’m ready to let that belief go.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:12pm

  63. 63: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Also Dorothea, congrats on quitting smoking! That is huge!!!

    From what I understand, the physical cravings are gone after three days. Have you noticed that to be true?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:15pm

  64. 64: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, thank you for sharing that belief!

    I think part of me has acted so “poorly” with him because I didn’t want to be out of his league.

    I am leveling up in who i am and how i express that in my life, however, so he is invited to join me.

    I feel so sad and grief stricken thinking that I may have to leave him behind.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:15pm

  65. 65: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I’m feel happy that the quote was helpful. I’ll bet that once you start focusing on how he is showing his love and stop worrying about him not saying the three magic words, they will come soon enough.

    Letting go can be very powerful.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:17pm

  66. 66: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea oh wow… okay… wow i feel angry!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:20pm

  67. 67: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: “I feel so sad and grief stricken thinking that I may have to leave him behind.”

    I feel ya. I have similar worries.

    I think think are unfounded though. Deep down I know life doesn’t really work that way. Either he will grow also or we will naturally be magnetized to a man who is even better for us.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:20pm

  68. 68: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i love myself

    i am feeling unloved

    i love me

    i feel sooo bummed

    i just had a convo with a guy where i felt unimportant and unloved

    and i feel bad that i spoke at a point in a way that seems to have triggered his defensiveness

    i love my feelings

    i love my bummy feelings

    wow leanign back in my body feels good

    i love my sadness

    i love my disappointment

    im feeling better

    im starting to feel bright

    i love my brightness

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:23pm

  69. 69: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I KNOW he is capable and even anxious and eager to “level up”

    However, I feel this great burden in that. Like it is on me to maintain my own high level of existence if he is also going to do that.

    I don’t want to be the leader here.

    But I will lead myself, and not worry about what that means for his behavior.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:26pm

  70. 70: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    My closest guy friend is completely in love with me, and this leveling up thing I’m doing is NOT helping that hahahahahahaha, well sh*t.

    I already tried dating him for a long time and it just didn’t work. He is NOT the man for me. And he swore to me when we started being friends that he wasn’t interested.

    Yet, he treats me like his queen.
    No expectation to return the favor or the care, yet I feel guilty as hell. I will never want to be with him.

    He knows this, and I wonder if he is just this nice of a friend, or if he has secret hopes he will win me over.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:32pm

  71. 71: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been thinking alot about the idea of giving back to men and what that looks like.

    Like I said beofre, I heard someone say recently that to keep the energetic balance in a relationship the man should always be giving a little bit more. They said something like 51% man giving to 49% woman giving.

    I wish I could remember where I hear that. It might have been on one of Rori’s monthly interviews.

    FW: have you heard this before? I feel admiration for your ability to remember specific things from specific coaches.

    So I’m reviewing Rori’s waterwheel tool to get a better idea about the balance of giving.

    Here it is…

    The Waterwheel is about imagining – no matter WHAT is really going on in your relationship – that all his love, heart and energy are coming TOWARD you.

    So do this:

    1. Picture one of those huge, gorgeous waterwheels on the side of a barn that you may have seen in pictures, or perhaps you know one near where you live.

    2. Really imagine it in detail – the huge wooden wheels, the water it sits in.

    Imagine it turning. How it turns slowly, gently picking up water from the pond it sits in, carrying the water as it turns, and then how the water gets carried all the way to the top and then over… until it drops back into the water on the other side.

    Imagine how it KEEPS turning.

    3. Now imagine the same waterwheel (a smaller version) right at your chest, right up against your body, turning in the direction AWAY from you.

    4. Imagine it picking up your love, heart and energy (just like it picks up water), as it turns away from you.

    It gets all your energy from your heart and your body, then it brings it up and over…and…

    5. Now imagine your man (or any man) standing a few feet in front of you, on the other end of the wheel, and feel the wheel turning away from you – carrying your love, heart and energy, and then SPILLING it onto your man.

    Imagine him getting ALL you have to give, it just drops all over him, filling him with your love and energy, and then the wheel keeps turning…

    6. Now, imagine, as the Waterwheel keeps turning and the bottom part is returning to you – imagine what YOU’RE getting.

    What you’re getting is the DRIPS left over after all your love and energy give all their “water” to your man.

    The wheel is EMPTY by the time it gets back to you.

    7. Now imagine this for a minute or so.

    Wheel turns, picks up your love, heart and energy like water, turns more, spills all your precious love on him, and then keeps turning, returning back to you empty and dripping.

    How does that feel?

    Pretty icky, doesn’t it?

    Does it feel like the way your relationship feels?

    So – let’s use the WATERWHEEL to CHANGE all this.

    1. Now, imagine the wheel turning in the OTHER direction – toward YOU.

    2. Imagine it picking up all the love, heart and energy from your MAN, and then turning to drop it and deliver it, and spill it beautifully all over YOU.

    3. Let your arms drop by your sides, turn your palms over, and imagine that the wheel is turning – returning now to HIM, all dripping and empty.

    4. Now, to make sure that you’re not only TAKING, but GIVING BACK, too, imagine his love, heart and energy coming toward you, spilling all over you, filling you up, making you feel fantastic, and juicing up your own personal fountain of love, heart and energy.

    5. Imagine all this juicy, lovely energy of your own heart drifting down your arms and out to him through the palms of your hands.

    Imagine you’re just naturally flowing with the waterwheel, and your energy is giving BACK to him, along with the dripping and nearly empty waterwheel.

    Lean your body back while you’re doing this, so you don’t feel like you’re GIVING – but that you’re clearly GIVING BACK – a response to his love and heart and energy coming to you on the Waterwheel.

    The trick here is to imagine this ALL THE TIME – even if you can’t feel his love coming toward you.

    Even when he hasn’t called in days.

    Even while you’re flirting with other men and imagining THEIR Waterwheels turning toward you.

    Imagine the whole WORLD of Waterwheels turning toward you.

    And that your ONLY JOB is to open your heart and let the water, love, heart and energy come in.

    Your only job is to RECEIVE.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:32pm

  72. 72: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: Why don’t you want to be with him?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:33pm

  73. 73: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Because he acts gay a lot of the time.

    He’s like my sister=/

    Me and another girl have thought about informing him of this, since he has sooo many girl friends and crushes, but doesn’t understand why he keeps getting friend-zoned. But telling someone they act like a gay queen sometimes is a very sensitive thing to do.

    It’s almost like he tries like hell to get close to a woman by relating to her a little too well. Acting like my sassy girlfriend turns me OFF.

    In other ways, he is all man, and it is yummy.

    But I can never see past the gayness thing.

    I’ve even thought about “could I see past this?” but i can’t…and it’s so pronounced it makes my friends uncomfortable the first time they meet him. Or they ask me if he’s gay, or if he’s extremely uncomfortable…

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:36pm

  74. 74: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl – You already answered you own question, yet I wanted to let you know this is a good way to go. There is so much more meaning and depth to feeling love when you really pay attention to how it is being said without words. Words are lovely; about this there’s no doubt. I found for me since I wasn’t getting them either for a long time and even now not that often, I get to hear it every day, many, many times a day because I learned to hear it in so many other ways.

    And one day if you really want to say without having any expectations about the words being returned, go for it.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:37pm

  75. 75: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confused though because she says this…

    “4. Now, to make sure that you’re not only TAKING, but GIVING BACK, too, imagine his love, heart and energy coming toward you, spilling all over you, filling you up, making you feel fantastic, and juicing up your own personal fountain of love, heart and energy.

    5. Imagine all this juicy, lovely energy of your own heart drifting down your arms and out to him through the palms of your hands.

    Imagine you’re just naturally flowing with the waterwheel, and your energy is giving BACK to him, along with the dripping and nearly empty waterwheel.

    Lean your body back while you’re doing this, so you don’t feel like you’re GIVING – but that you’re clearly GIVING BACK – a response to his love and heart and energy coming to you on the Waterwheel.”

    which seems to contradict how she ends it


    “your only job is to receive”

    I feel interested to hear how other people interpret this.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:41pm

  76. 76: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    75, LG
    Yes, this has been my number one challenge – reconciling the two

    And then, in the end, it feels like work. So my only job isn’t to receive, but to figure out how the heck to receive and give back.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:48pm

  77. 77: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I might be wrong, but when I first heard Rori talk about this what I pictured in my mind was first his waterwheel coming back empty and our waterwheel coming back empty–and then—-

    The next part it’s that we have our own love and joy, etc. AND all of his love and joy is coming at us and falling all around us, in through us–so much so that it’s dripping out of the tips of our fingers–overflowing.

    That way, we have more than just ‘our’ love, we’ve received his, as well, and so we are not just ‘giving’ we are ‘giving back’ (because we are SO overflowingly drenched in love.

    ???? Does this make sense?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 2:59pm

  78. 78: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    More about the brain in love


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:05pm

  79. 79: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Leaning Back can feel cold to a man – or it can feel WARM! And warm is what you want.

    Leaning Back can feel to a man like you’re closing down and shutting down and blocking him out – or it can feel like you’re taking the pressure off him you’ve been putting on him, and simply opening up your heart, soul and body to him.

    Leaning Back without Opening Up can become a great “strategy” for managing the Energy Exchange between you and a man…and yet it’s only one PART of the Rori Raye Dance Position. (The entire Dance Position is in my Commitment Blueprint program) – so that instead of being cold – you’re leaning back AND being amazingly OPEN and receptive…

    It’s a very different feeling…for him and for you.

    This is the Modern Siren combo – making a man feel safe and yet thrilled. Opening him up and opening up the emotional depth of the relationship by opening YOURSELF up in his presence.

    It doesn’t necessarily mean deliberately sharing personal and private thoughts, feelings and your history.

    What opening up means is that you allow yourself to be open and vulnerable just standing or sitting around with him. You allow yourself to just Be, instead of being in your head about the past or the future. Without thinking about ANYTHING.

    It’s a complete absence of an agenda.

    What does it feel like to have  no agenda?

    It’s different for each of us…so, to do the exercise I want you to do – write it down like I did here…

    Here’s what comes in as feelings and pictures to me when I imagine having no “plan”…

    I feel like a baby looking around and seeing things for the first time.

    I feel completely lost…at sea…no rudder, no sense of direction.

    I feel a huge wave of weird in my stomach.

    I feel peaceful.

    I want to go to sleep.

    I want to do something “useless” and “unproductive”…like stare at a wall. Or stare at my fingernail, or an object.

    I want to “fuzz out” with my eyes and brain.

    I see things on my desk I didn’t know were there.

    I feel physically uncomfortable where I didn’t notice it before.

    I feel anxious – like I don’t know what’s coming at me.

    I feel released.

    I feel “permission” to be useless and unproductive.

    I feel pretty.

    And on and on…

    See what’s going on for you, by imagining having no agenda at this moment – no “plan” for what the next moment’s going to be – and writing it all down.

    First – imagine a fabulous man is standing right in front of you, smiling at you.

    Imagine having no agenda, no plan, no action in mind. Imagine just being there.

    As a starter: Here’s what it feels like for me:

    I feel his blue eyes …like they’re jumping out of his face and coming to me…

    I can feel my shoulders relaxing and my stomach giving way.

    All of a sudden I can feel tingling in my vagina, moving energy, wetness.

    I don’t want to give up my plan.

    I feel fear to just stop my train of thought and let my plan for the next moment go limp…

    Now let’s explore what that feels like for YOU…Go on and write your feelings, impressions, sensations and experience down.

    I’d love to have a great collection of all your writing and experience doing this…

    Love, Rori

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:06pm

  80. 80: PlumNo Gravatar says:


    From Rori:

    “Never Say I Love You First

    My husband’s away for a bit, with his family on the east coast, and I opted to stay home and create a lovely “retreat” for myself.

    This morning he called, it was a nice talk, I said I miss you and he said nothing back, just kept talking about something else, then I said I love you, and he said nothing back, just went ahead talking about stuff, finishing up the call, I said “…if you don’t tell me you love me I’m going to be mad….”

    He backtracked and of course said it….whewwweee….

    How weird are emotions?

    Lesson – never say I love you unless you’re positive you’re not expecting anything in return – which is NEVER going to happen…because it’s IMPOSSIBLE not to notice that a man doesn’t say it back….so even after all these years, I still have to be cool and lean back…

    I walk my talk, and I shared with him on the next call (he started calling even more often and saying I love you for sure…) how weird all that felt, and that I didn’t want him to feel obligated to say he loves me, but that it feels really bad when he doesn’t – so how is this landing for him?

    So he told me he didn’t feel any obligation – (guess what – men DON’T feel obligated!!! That’s a “woman” thing we’ve been taught and fed and made to feel guilty about…) and I realized at that moment that I was making something out of nothing.

    Exactly like I talk about here.

    I really, really wanted him to say I love you.

    It was so important to me, apparently, that I was waiting for it. I was noticing the absense of it. I cared whether he said it or not.

    I was feeling all kinds of things, with him not there with me.

    I had all kinds of expectations and conflicting feelings. I felt angry – even though I had no “cause” to be angry. I felt frustrated. I felt sad. I felt happy. I felt all kinds of things and was only aware of some of them.

    But it all comes down to ONE THING.

    I could easily have processed my feelings. There on the call with him, or after…I could have written here about it, or journalled, or cried, or danced and sang or drawn and painted or gone somewhere or channeled in so many ways.

    But, instead – I said I love you first.

    I tried to get him to say it by saying it first.

    This wasn’t walking my talk. This was an old thing coming up.

    I wasn’t truly sharing my feelings, expressing myself.

    It wasn’t love I was talking – it was – “I’ll say it and then YOU’LL say it!”

    I was trying to GET him to say it.

    I didn’t know it at the time.

    I thought I was just being loving.

    I thought I didn’t really have an agenda.

    I thought I didn’t really care if he said it or not after all these 20 plus years together.

    I knew he loves me, and so I thought I didn’t feel insecure or WANT anything from him. And so I said it.

    And guess what. I was wrong.

    I felt like every other woman on the planet who says I love you first. I felt BAD. I felt stupid.

    I felt those things because he didn’t respond quickly enough. He didn’t get the message. He didn’t pick up on the clue.

    And so – I started feeling MORE things.

    Now – imagine if we do this all day long. With our man, our children, our friends. What if there’s ALWAYs a hidden agenda?

    What if we’re not all as “together” as we seem to be or think we are?

    What if simple things like affection and attention and words are NOT so very simple?

    What if everything’s some kind of signal to our more primitive, old-habit brain?

    I re-discovered that, for me at least – that’s the truth.

    I didn’t just cancel out my entire programming and habits. I may have replaced them with much better skills and more awareness and knowledge and love of myself – but – those Nasty Voices and inner pressures are still THERE.

    They don’t go away.

    So – the trick here is to catch it when it happens.

    I caught it. I spoke what I caught.

    I wish I could have laughed, but I didn’t feel that – I felt silly, but not in a fun sort of way. Later I laughed, and now I’m telling you so I can feel the bitterweetness of how even the smallest thing can trigger us.

    So here’s the deal: Have faith that the Tools work. Maybe not instantly, at every moment, exactly the way you want them to – at your fingertips ready to go into action – but once you catch something, and get an awareness you didn’t have before – everything shifts.

    The old habits get fuzzier, and the new skills and powers and depth of real feeling come forward and fill your energy with more light and clarity.

    And this can happen especially when you make a “mistake.”

    Saying and doing something that ends up making you feel bad because it actually started as an old habit thought – still – that can open up a NEW door for you. Like this little thing did for me.

    No matter what – you still cannot say I love you first.

    Yes – You must open your heart first. Always. You must be like an open book with the pages that are you – flying free for everyone to see. The colorful ones and the black and white ones, and the empty ones, too.

    But the words. The words come from places we don’t always see.

    If I had said: ” I’m noticing that I’m sort of waiting for you to say I love you. This feels really weird after being with you so long…” – that would have been different. That would have been my book open.

    But, instead – I tried for a higher spiritual plane where it didn’t “matter” that I said it first. And I discovered that I said it as a “trick.”

    So – look for YOUR tricks – start to notice them when you want to do them.

    I’ll be working right alongside you, doing my Tools, waving my arms in the water and the air like the Siren I am, floating in the sweet, flosing waters of myself, and picturing you doing the same.

    Love, Rori ”

    written by Rori Raye •
    Sunday, 4 July 2010 @ 5:02pm


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:10pm

  81. 81: NiniNo Gravatar says:

    Dear All
    The presentation went well.
    Having a good time.
    Going out with people and having dinners out.
    I am liking it.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:21pm

  82. 82: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i was watching love scripts and… one of the women started speaking abou ther sadness

    and i felt moved and was now crying! a lot!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:28pm

  83. 83: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    last night i fell into “polite” mode.

    and my FM went out the window. with three different men.

    i don’t know what i could have said

    “thank you for inviting me to play tennis with you. i feel very appreciative and had fun and learned a lot! i feel bad somehow i am leaving with none of my brand new tennis balls i came with.”


    “I feel guilty saying this because you were so generous with your time and i don’t want to be a stingy or petty person and i don’t know tennis ettiquette. i just feel bad i am leaving with no balls.”


    this trigger comes from me not wanting to appear “cheap” (and i kind of am right now but don’t want to be with others)

    so i am overcompensating me feeling cheap by being unfair to myself. why do they get to leave with all the balls??? and then they looked at me funny when i say i am going to go look for the ones that went over the fence.

    i felt cheap. and i want to be appreciative. and i felt conflicted.

    :( i still feel a lil bad about it because i feel i dishonored my true self.

    they mirrored my “i’m cheap” vibe back to me. wah.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:34pm

  84. 84: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    and the other guy i should have walked away from.

    i tried to “help” him. (lol.) and give him “advice.” (roar.)

    he went ON AND ON about his “crazy” ex. and the divorce battle they are in.

    and didn’t seem all that interested that he had the presence of a goddess he could be enjoying.

    i felt ick.

    but i had gotten myself in a situation and wanted to be polite and not abruptly leave since i knew i would be seeing him again in the neighborhood.

    i don’t know what i could have said.

    “i feel anxious to hear this. you had warned me it was a “long story” and i encourage you to tell it and now i am feeling maybe i changed my mind.””

    but definitely if anyone ever says to me again “it’s a long story.” — i don’t think i want to hear it.

    i DEFINITELY won’t encourage it!!!

    i don’t want to hear people’s long sob stories they keep active in their vibration by telling anyone who is sorry enough to listen.

    and hopefully if i ever try to share one of my “long stories” with someone else they will decline the offer and i will SNAP OUT OF IT and return to the present moment. which is bliss potential.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:43pm

  85. 85: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    alias girl,
    ohhh please don’t be hard on yourself.

    For me, I am not always polite. Who says you have to be? Sometimes I just laugh and ask “sooooo, are you going to steal all my tennis balls?” in a joking way.

    First and foremost, I want my property back. If they act in a way that shows me it just slipped their mind, or that they care about what I want, then sure I’ll worry about whether or not to see them again. But really, give me my sh*t back, lol!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:45pm

  86. 86: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    “i feel good to talk about other things” ?

    “I am starting to feel talked at”

    “i don’t feel connected.”

    “YOU FEEL TOXIC!” oh, no, my bad. i mean…

    “i am starting to feel bad hearing of the lack of love in this situation. i don’t know what to do. what do you think?”

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:47pm

  87. 87: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling so drained and tired

    i feel ICK when i think of yesterday and my sister saying not to use the upstairs bathroom to have sex and that her mom was in the house and the kids were around

    eeeek! i feel cringy heart i feel embarassed i love my embarassment!


    that feels good

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:49pm

  88. 88: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling so drained… like a puddle of hotness

    i love my puddle of hotness

    i love my tired ness


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:50pm

  89. 89: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    ERRRRRR! I feel bad for letting him do this to me TWICE this week. I look so cute right now and it’s a waste. He asked me on Monday if we could do fireworks with the kids on Tuesday. So I let my kids pick some out and they got all excited about it and he backed out with a good excuse and rescheduled for tonight. He didn’t have any contact with me yesterday, but I felt like I had to call him to see what was happening so I call him tonight and he backs out AGAIN! I am so frustrated right now! I wish he would just say I don’t want to spend time with you but he keeps coming up with plans and breaking them.I want to completely cut him out of my life but my love for him is so great and my kids love him and his kids so much that they hurt when I do that. I just don’t know what to do! I feel so bad for letting him into my kids life….I feel crappy for kicking him out….I feel so mad!!!! I have been so open, I have changed my responses, I want to give up! I hate crying, I hate this hurt, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:51pm

  90. 90: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs, Ice princess. Can you go with your kids, with you lookin all cute right now, to do the fireworks without them? Or go exercise your milf-iness with them at the ice cream shoppe?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:57pm

  91. 91: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    thanks dorothea. yes, that is a brilliant suggestion.

    my humor always seems to leave me when i am triggered by my shame.

    but i could have just made a little joke. that’s a good idea.

    i wonder though. even thinking about it i feel shame. i feel “cheap” saying anything. and also because he was so generous with teaching me how to play and inviting me into the game.

    i felt like i “owed” them something.

    still why do they get to leave with All of them? isn’t that cheap of them? (ah i am now projecting my cheap-shame-trigger onto THEM. lol. why does anyone need to be labelled “cheap.?)

    they both acted like the balls were theirs to begin with. uh, did you come into the park with that cannister? no.

    what i actually said was, “those were mine, but that’s ok.”


    i could have said, ” i feel weird leaving with no balls.”

    and i can’t get past my “i’m cheap” shame trigger.

    maybe if i wasn’t so cheap i wouldn’t have this. lol. i wouldn’t think twice about it.


    i feel embarassed.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 3:59pm

  92. 92: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    A week ago tonight I got naked and slippery with a guy; it was our first time together, and it was good. I didn’t hear from him until Monday, a quick text wishing me a happy 4th of July. Nothing since.

    I don’t feel bad about this at all. I feel unattached and pretty laid back about it. Talking to other men, 4-5 other CDs swirling around me.

    But I do kind of miss this guy. I typed out a text to him today, but didn’t send it. I feel good that I’m showing some sort of self-control.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:06pm

  93. 93: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I would seriously just say “give me my balls back” *smile*

    this is good that you are noticing and processing. The trigger is GOOD, right? it helps you become a more grounded and authentic lady:)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:06pm

  94. 94: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    “wow! playing tennis with you guys felt great. do you mind if I take a couple of the balls too?”

    ??? it’s not all FMy but whatever. sometimes FMs feel submissive and i am like 50-50 sub/dom. i am half man, world. deal with it.

    (hi NIKITA- possible future dom!!)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:09pm

  95. 95: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, I am a crying mess now! I promised them we would do fireworks so as soon as I pick up all these little pieces I will take them out and do a couple with them. I just wish I knew how to deal with LP. I somehow expected him to cancel on me so I dont know why I am so darn upset really. I guess it is because I have been looking forward to seeing him and feel like he could care less about me.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:10pm

  96. 96: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea. lol.

    yes, this is actually a big social trigger for me. i often will try to overcompensate to cover for my secret cheapness. so is good to process through it and leave it behind forever.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:12pm

  97. 97: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    ice princess… sometimes i will have a back up plan in case something falls through. i know daria is good with this.

    ie i will tell myself, ok, if this date doesn’t come through i am going to drive to the pier and go on the rollerocoaster or something. or i am going to go to the plaza and have a tea and a ride on the trolley. or i am going to….

    this way my vibe doesn’t get all screwed up and i can still have a good time. (sometimes maybe even a BETTER time than originally planned AND i meet someone else!)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:15pm

  98. 98: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    80 Plum

    Thank you! That is exactly what I needed to read! I am not going to say it, I’m just going to feel my feelings instead and show it.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:15pm

  99. 99: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    74 Tinque – its funny because I feel in his actions that he loves me and I notice each and every one. I’m not going to focus on the words anymore, just the actions.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:17pm

  100. 100: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I want to call him so bad right now and tell him to just leave me alone and to stop playing with my heart if he has no intention of trying with me honestly. I know I shouldn’t but I want to. His dr told me to keep trying with him, his dad told me not to give up, but I feel like the only one here fighting.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:18pm

  101. 101: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    More Hugs, Ice Princess. When you’re done letting it all out, I hope you get yourself un-mussified, and go look cute in the world.

    Do you know the drop to your knees tool?

    It could help you out the other side of this one!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:20pm

  102. 102: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    No, I don’t know that.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:22pm

  103. 103: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Look into his eyes T-Girl. It’s all there.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:23pm

  104. 104: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    The tears are slowing…
    I am breathing…
    I want this attachment gone…
    I am a catch…
    I am worthy of being loved…
    He can’t have me in his back pocket for when he wants to interact!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:24pm

  105. 105: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Well, shoot, I have to run…but if Daria is around I bet she knows it! Or someone else might be able to share it. If not, I’ll be back in 1 hour!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:25pm

  106. 106: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    “I am worthy of being loved”.

    Yes you are.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:29pm

  107. 107: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    sometimes i drop to my knees and just breathe.

    almost like i am in “child’s pose” in yoga. and i just let myself feel whatever i am feeling. (despair, crying, shaking, numb, or whatever it is)

    and then i start to feel the carpet fibers with my fingers and say “thank you”

    or put my palm on the wall and touch it and feel it and say “thank you”

    and slowly, gently, easy with myself,

    i allow balance to return to me in whatever time it takes.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:34pm

  108. 108: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Alias Girl for sharing.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:38pm

  109. 109: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I have done that too, it’s usually when I am looking for something I dropped. LOL!

    JUST kidding.

    I actually have done that. It was really strange when it happened, almost like it was a reflex..there was no thought surrounding it. Sobbing my eyes out and the next thing you know, I was on my knees…

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:39pm

  110. 110: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    When he does contact me again I want to say something like,”I feel like I value whatever we have more than you do. I know that you are busy and stressed at work, but I feel unimportant, uncared for. I don’t want to be more work in your life and I understand if you need to walk away, but please have the decency to be honest with me and yourself.” Is this wrong?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:41pm

  111. 111: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feeling super triggered right now.

    My landlord is coming up for the yearly inspection and I feel so stressed. I feel scared of being kicked out. I feel scared they will think I am not good enough and I will be out on the streets.

    The thing is, this is totally irrational.

    Even if the worse thing happened and they weren’t happy with me, I could find another place. I have plenty of people I could stay with if I had to. I have enough money to take care of myself. I have my beloved, family, friends, who would all be willing to help me. It’s really going to be okay.

    Yet, I have a huge trauma reaction coming up. I imagine this is from childhood when we were homeless for a bit.

    But you know what? We made it through that. And this is a totally different situation.

    I don’t have to be that scared little girl.

    Maybe she just needs consoling.

    This could be a great opportunity actually. They are going to fix some things and maybe my place with be nicer.

    I’ve lived here for over two years, the neighbors love me, I haven’t damaged the house beyond normal wear and tear.

    I know everything is going to be fine.

    Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe something great will come from this.

    Maybe it’s an opportunity to get over these deep fears.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:46pm

  112. 112: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a lot better after talking to my dad. I feel so happy that our relationship has improved. I feel really supported by him. I’m pretty independent and don’t ask much from him, physically or emotionally, but I feel so grateful knowing that he is there when I need it.

    I feel intense emotions right now and also deep healing.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:51pm

  113. 113: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I’m sorry you are feeling so triggered by a visit from your landlady person dude..

    Big, ginormous hugs.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:53pm

  114. 114: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Daria for taking an AMAZING feeling apple vinegar bath

    thank you Daria for scrubbing my feet

    thank you Daria for wearing house clothes

    thank you for using green soap on my back


    thank you for massaging my head and brushing my hair

    thank you for feeding me fun and delicious chocolates

    Thank you Dad for getting me and my mom chocolates for the third time in a row/!!! it feels really good!

    thank you Daria for taking such careful and loving care of my burn

    thank you leg for healing!

    thank you Daria for honoring self during sex

    Tahnk you daria for having sex!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:56pm

  115. 115: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:



    When I read it, I felt a bit blamed…if I were in his shoes.
    I am not good at these kinds of FM’s but the thing about them is to really sink into how you are feeling about you at the moment.

    So, how about re-phrasing it to tell him how YOU feel without “you’s” in it.

    Daria?? LG??

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:57pm

  116. 116: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh hey, i want my balls! :)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:59pm

  117. 117: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so embarassed bringing this up eek… umm… it would feel great to have my balls back… i feel really attached to them.. lol

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 4:59pm

  118. 118: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:



    It would be fun to say… I seem to have lost my balls. Could you give me your balls please?

    hee hee

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:03pm

  119. 119: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Lilybelle for your feedback. I wonder how I could say what I want to say without blaming?? Anyone??

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:03pm

  120. 120: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feeling so much more confident about my beign a coach

    i talked to my sister and told her the main philosophy – cdating

    and i felt powerful and clear… and heard

    it all seemed to make sense

    and then i encouraged her friend who was feeling embarassed in a situation with a guy

    i felt awed at myself!


    and then we talked about that past situation with guywho and his sister (who punched me) some of you friends of mine here may remember that

    and they didnt even know what all had happened!

    and i felt powerful and clear and non blamy talking about it

    it felt so different

    i feel so much more self loving and safe and powerful than before!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:04pm

  121. 121: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @28: Mel says:
    “…Went to look at an apartment today. Yuck. For what I can afford, I will most certainly be living in a musty cave-like hole in this city….”

    Hi Mel, I probably missed something. Why are you moving? Did you not like your present location or are you going to another city?

    How is it that your husband doesn’t want to be married to you but you are the one leaving? Are you both leaving? Is this what is happening? Can you work out something more convenient? Didn’t he offer to go?

    Whatever is most comfortable to you is the right thing to do but I encourage a second look at your plans if you are leaving your home in order to make things convenient for your husband.

    If any one asked, and I know you didn’t, I would advise against it.



    BTW, I’m sure my housing budget is smaller than yours and I don’t live in a musty cave-hole. And if I did, it would be the yummiest cave you ever saw.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:07pm

  122. 122: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I agree with SLV. IF you want to stay in that city, I would stay in my house and he would be leaving. I would then find a roommate to share the expenses if I had to.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:10pm

  123. 123: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am different!

    in herbal news:

    i am LOVING how castor oil gets absorbed into the skin… and i am attributing a major part of the rapid healing of my burn to using castor oil over the top of the other oils (scar preventative, tea tree, sometime comfrey oil) on my burn

    im wondering about infusing some herbs into Castor oil as a skin treatment..

    i notice a lot of herbalists nowadays infuse in olive oil, and … i don’t like it so much…

    it feels… weak…

    my comfrey oil, for example, does not do the magnificent skin healing things i expect from comfrey…. compared to the rich st joans wort salve i had from romania

    im wondering aobut infusing Comfrey, in Castor oil for amazing absorbancy and rapid healing

    any inspirations, experiences, wisdom about infusing in Castor oil? does it absorb herbs well

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:11pm

  124. 124: MelNo Gravatar says:

    No… we’re both leaving. I’m staying where I am until the lease expires at the end of the summer. He probably will too but will be staying on the couch.

    I can’t afford to keep this place on my own and the city where we live has really high rental prices.

    I’d like to move back home, but I have no job there. I’m hesitant to leave this job unless i have something else to go to.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:12pm

  125. 125: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    grapeseed oil Daria, try grapeseed…or rosehip


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:14pm

  126. 126: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Also, i need a car where we currently live. there is no public transport. I can’t afford to live here (even with a roommate) and pay for a car payment, gas, insurance etc.

    I need a NICE tiny place in the city within walking distance of the essentials and a short bus ride away from other stuff.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:15pm

  127. 127: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    re 110 ice princess

    rori teaches to remove Blame and remove YOU from the statements

    how about:

    “I feel unimportant and uncared for. I don’t want to add more stress to somebody’s life and that’s a little how i am feeling. what do you think?”

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:17pm

  128. 128: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I think what you are looking for is what I imagine SLV’s place to be like.

    So the city you live in is smallish?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:19pm

  129. 129: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I love it Alias Girl!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:20pm

  130. 130: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I am going to have a scar on the top of my foot from an oven cleaner burn. Nasty stuff.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:21pm

  131. 131: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I currently am in a beautiful small town about 30 min drive from the city.

    The city I (might) move to has about a million people. So not tiny, but not a huge city either.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:24pm

  132. 132: MelNo Gravatar says:

    “Home” is about 4000 km away (~2500 miles)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:25pm

  133. 133: DENo Gravatar says:

    Judgements of others…are mirrors and triggers of unhealed parts of our subconscious…they come out covered and embellished as caring, concerns…upsets…sadness…yet, they are run by vicious crawlers in the background (subconscious)…

    I recently judged Kaitlyn as contradicting herself; For example, I noticed on one hand she uses language to put herself down like “whore” or “stupid”…and on the other she takes pride in the money she makes from her profession; access to high end life style, for how she easy to get men, etc.. ;
    I also judged her for giving the vibe of “a poor me”; for acting like a diva; for pretending she doesn’t know …she can’t help nobody etc…

    I felt soo worked up about it… cause deep down I care for her success in life, I desire connection, and feeling like I make a contribution to her life…:( so, after a bit of venting, Daria reminded me of the mirror…and let me tell u, I could not see it behind my “good deeds”…for a while anyway…till I decided to give it a try to work through it alone…so,

    In what way she mirrors me…what am I hiding in my subconscious? Here they are:

    Acceptance for hiding behind my own inner contradictions…I act strong…yet, I don’t feel strong…I act as if I am accomplished…yet, I haven’t accomplished any of the things my heart desires…

    Acceptance for often hiding feeling like a “poor me” because they told me it is a weakness and it would stand in my path of success; also that I would not inspire trust in leadership roles…

    Acceptance for hiding my own inner diva–they told me humility is better than being a diva; my nvs tell me it would keep me from opening/attracting a good man…

    Acceptance for hiding feeling overwhelmed and powerless in desiring to have the answers and help others…they told me if you have the answer you have to share it with the rest…my inner Diva doesn’t want to do that often…she wants to hold on to what she knows …she does not want to be involved…she does not want nobody else’s problems…she does not want to be the sponge of energy of others who don’t take responsibility for themselves…she does not want to save nobody…and yes, she is selfish…

    I love my inner contradictions…they served their purpose to get me as far…

    I love my “poor me” feelings…they allow me to rest…

    I love my “inner diva”…she reminds me I am worthy…

    I love my selfish thoughts…they allow me to stay centered…

    I love me…all of me…

    Sigh…clarity feels good…it is indeed so empowering…

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:28pm

  134. 134: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    lg 111,
    i remember you posting this same exact thing last year about your land lord, lol.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:28pm

  135. 135: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    @39: Plum says:
    “…28 Mel
    Would you consider staying in your house and have him leave the place?
    Have you asked a lawyer about this?
    He is the one who wants to stop the marriage, you have no reason at all to be the one leaving and suffering a bad housing…”

    I can only say:

    I remembered posting similar to some time ago.
    1) Get a GOOD lawyer
    2) If husband doesn’t want the relationship, I’d expect him to leave and very, very soon.

    What is your GOOD lawyer saying about this? I’m American and here you are not automatically forced to immediately reduce your standard of living because a man doesn’t want you anymore. Are you sure Canada is so far different?

    If Rusty has advised going to a musty cave-hole, I suggest ignoring that bit of advice and considering something else. Please!



    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:29pm

  136. 136: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV – me too! about the cave! yum…

    and… i want my room to be yummy. is IS yummy…

    somehow ALTARS have popped up around my room… i have 3 or more…

    and the only thing is it feels a bit chaotic… which i love… but lately i’ve been wanting more stream flow less chaos

    i was feeling overwhelmed

    and i did clear some of my chaos

    i love myself!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:32pm

  137. 137: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Ice Princess,
    When you can’t move past a feeling…like when you’re stuck feeling a certain way…in your case upset over dude cancelling again..

    you drop to your knees and FEEL it. like really feel it. indulge in that feeling to the max.

    you’ll eventually get bored with it and get up, and do something more interesting with your time.

    hope i explained this well. anyone else feel free to elaborate:)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:34pm

  138. 138: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @45: Brenda


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:34pm

  139. 139: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am finding info about how to infuse cator oil online, including videos from a woman doing it for her hair… i feel inspired and happy to see women are doing this…

    im on my path to doing it too

    i think mullein sprung up in my yard!

    so now i will just start dumping old teas in my “mulch” part of the yard where ive been tossing my compost the past year to make it rich

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:34pm

  140. 140: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    I am pleasantly surprised at how inexpensive adding pretty, feminine, decorative touches to my little cave is.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:37pm

  141. 141: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    WOW DE – you are so brave, committed, and inspiring!

    thank you for sharing!!!

    your presence feels like a strong wind lifting and empowering me to keep on healing myself too

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:37pm

  142. 142: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t thank you enough and all the other Sirens too for your help tonight!!!! I am feeling so much better and can’t wait to say my feeling messages when he does contact again. :) :) :)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:38pm

  143. 143: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque – what about the castor oil… what are your experiences with castor oil?

    im loving the thick rich stickyness of it

    i have grapessed oil to cook with… feels a lil too light on my skin

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:39pm

  144. 144: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    re 129. aw.


    i LOVE to feel appreciated. <3

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:40pm

  145. 145: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle – “i am going to get a scar” yes you are if you choose to believe it !

    here’s what i use for scars… this whole company line is STRONG MEDICINE

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:41pm

  146. 146: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, I am the queen of cheap decorating. When you get your place, we’ll help you with ideas, if you want!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:41pm

  147. 147: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @81: Nini

    Yay, Nini!


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:43pm

  148. 148: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Oh boy, Daria! Thanks for the link.
    I’ve saved this to my fav’s! I’ll go snooping around there now…

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:48pm

  149. 149: rustyNo Gravatar says:


    Have you considered looking for a roommate situation? Often there are women in the same situation as you, needing a nice place to live, but can’t afford it on their own. So they advertise for roommates.

    You might even make a lifelong friend that way. You just have to go through an interview process, to be determined by the woman wanting a roommate. I don’t see you having a problem making friends with one of them.

    Might be something to look into. What do you think?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:52pm

  150. 150: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @94: alias girl says:
    “…??? it’s not all FMy but whatever. sometimes FMs feel submissive and i am like 50-50 sub/dom. i am half man, world. deal with it.
    (hi NIKITA- possible future dom!!)…”

    You too? I took some little, probably bogus, Internet test last year. It said my brain was half female/half male. And… surprise, surprise… that’s within average range for females.

    Maybe Mistress Nikita leans a little more to one side.

    Hey, Nikita, dahhhhlinggg. 😀


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:52pm

  151. 151: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I almost looked at his fb page but i stopped myself

    I considered it would make me feel bad, basically one way or another. If he was saying good things, I would feel bad he’s not calling me to say them…and if he was saying bad things, I’d feel bad about that, period.

    So glad I put the man crack pipe down before taking a hit. Jeeez

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:53pm

  152. 152: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Re 134

    Ya, I forgot about that but I guess I did. Them comin is such a huge trigger for me.

    Huge! One of the hugest!!!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:53pm

  153. 153: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Had an awful conflict with my ex-h and now I feel worried that it is an unhealed trigger that will eventually surface again in a new relationship. :( I felt very angry and heartbroken abt something he did. Judgments came up in my thoughts (tho I didn’t voice most of them… was trying so hard to avoid blaming): he doesn’t care about my feelings, he subconsciously Wanted to hurt me, he wanted to provoke me to anger for some reason, he doesn’t “get” me,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:57pm

  154. 154: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I wrote a poem to distract myself. Love it! It’s in Spanish. When I write in other languages, it forces me to be more mindful about what I am trying to express, instead of creating “poems” that are really just feeling messages on literary steroids.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:57pm

  155. 155: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    (jdgments cont’d)… he rarely paid attention to my needs in our marriage and that’s why he ends up doing hurtful things like this….

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 5:59pm

  156. 156: DENo Gravatar says:

    Daria # 141

    Thank you Daria…It felt reassuring to have your feedback :)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:04pm

  157. 157: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @104: Ice Princess says:
    “The tears are slowing…
    I am breathing…
    I want this attachment gone…
    I am a catch…
    I am worthy of being loved…
    He can’t have me in his back pocket for when he wants to interact!…”

    Hello, IP.

    Maybe you can put *him* in your back pocket… 😀

    Here’s what Rori says:

    “Is Your Man Just A “Snack”?
    Some men are relationship ‘lite.’
    He’s charming, he’s lovely, he’s exactly what you want — only he’s really
    just a snack.
    He doesn’t really “get” what it is you want…”


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:04pm

  158. 158: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Yesss I love the doggy bag, snack concept!!

    Thanks for sharing, SLV

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:07pm

  159. 159: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    So… how do we know when it is “me” (is it Always me?) and when it is a “toxic man”?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:10pm

  160. 160: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:


    That sounds fun! If only I could reduce my feelings and not his occupancy in my mind then that might just work. I need a distraction, I need to CD, but I feel like I have limited time as a single mom and I tried the online dating site thing but it is scary to me because I don’t want to become a victim again.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:13pm

  161. 161: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelly – Helychrysum for scarring, even old ones.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:13pm

  162. 162: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @111: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…I feeling super triggered right now.
    My landlord is coming up for the yearly inspection and I feel so stressed…”

    The story I tell myself is I’d better make a note before the inspection of all the little things that need taking care by the landlord, just in case I forget to point them out during the inspection.

    You could start jotting down things now… if any of your hardware in toilets needs replacing, faucets, flooring tiles, etc Get everything you want. It’s better too for landlord to fix little things before they become big things!

    Remember you are paying them not the other way around.

    And don’t even stress yourself about having things shipshape. Darling, call a cleaning service. Two people come and zip zap all is in order.

    the princess 😆

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:13pm

  163. 163: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    OOps! “Not”should not be in there

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:14pm

  164. 164: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I don’t have much hands on experience with castor oil. For me I find it too thick and non-penetrable, but if your skin loves it, hey go for it.It’s rich in good oils.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:14pm

  165. 165: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im using forces of nature for scars but dont have too much experience with their scar stuff (though it does seem to have my skin heal without a scab)

    some of their other products have been very very helpful to me and i feel glad this company exists

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:17pm

  166. 166: DENo Gravatar says:


    I was married with a highly tempered man…mental issues (bi-polar i suspect) and use of drugs…for nine years…it’s been 8 years since divorce…and i have to say …only till recently …he triggered me in awful ways always…:(

    I purchased Rori’s Toxic Men program…soooo reveleaing…not about him as much as about me…

    So, I think there is no way to tell how much is u or him…In my case, I had to learn about my patterns and underlining belifs…and placed me each time in loosing my personal power while interacting with him…

    The more you learn about yourself…your subconscious beliefs/what triggers you…the more you will be able to understand yourself…

    One thing though…the fact u react with anger…it is a immediate clue it is U, my dear…when it’s not U…u will feel sad, turned off, disappointed…but no longer anger or rage…:)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:22pm

  167. 167: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    On the positive side- I had been feeling a bit reluctant to completely let go of my marriage (since we’ve been getting along so well) … and therefore a bit “unavailable” to fully enter into my new relationship… but after this awful incident I see that my emotional needs are really truly not met in relationship with ex-h and I can/should completely move on…. BUt is that true? Is he toxic for me, or am *I* the problem and will just create this again with new man???

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:22pm

  168. 168: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @126: Mel says:
    “..Also, i need a car where we currently live. there is no public transport. I can’t afford to live here (even with a roommate) and pay for a car payment, gas, insurance etc. …”

    A GOOD lawyer will help you get your needs taken care of during your period of separation.

    “…I need a NICE tiny place in the city within walking distance of the essentials and a short bus ride away from other stuff…”

    That sounds good, Mel. I was starting to worry about you. I have come to adore teeny tiny. Everything I need is within walking distance, bus at corner and train three blocks away. I wish the same convenience for you.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:27pm

  169. 169: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Another thing is that long ago I realized that I “married my mother” – ya know, trying to fix my childhood trauma (which centered around her not understanding me, and that is also true of ex)… and New Guy does really “get” me – amazingly so… he is more like my dad (and also very much like me)… so maybe this incident was confirmation that I am Done letting ppl who don’t understand me trample my boundaries just bc they don’t understand what’s important to me…???

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:30pm

  170. 170: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @128: Lilybelle says:
    “…I think what you are looking for is what I imagine SLV’s place to be like…”

    I imagine she wants something a little bigger and more luxe. I have a TEENY space in an old Art Deco building. I love it but many people would not. But the convenience is very good.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:32pm

  171. 171: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    So i ended up cyber stalking my exes. WTF…this is something bigger than just obsession with worrying about one guy…

    i should be doing something to take care of ME. but i have resistance to that. so i distract myself with men.

    silly Dorothea!

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:35pm

  172. 172: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @136: Daria says:
    “…SLV – me too! about the cave! yum…
    and… i want my room to be yummy. is IS yummy…”

    Yummy. I decided some time ago that I had the space around me to do with as I please and its outer boundaries might change from time to time depending upon where I was… cave, teeny space, little rectangle studio, attic in building, wherever I go…I take my space with me. 😆


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:37pm

  173. 173: DENo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea #171:

    I do that as well :) when I seek attention…I take care of my “need”…I embrace it…and work with my “protective” voices coming up as Negative voices (oh, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t like u…he won’t respond…he wont’ give u what u need…etc…)…I remind them I have no expectations from these men…I seek attention …that’s all…:)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:39pm

  174. 174: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @140: Lilybelle says:
    “…I am pleasantly surprised at how inexpensive adding pretty, feminine, decorative touches to my little cave is….”

    I like that mental picture of little cave.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:40pm

  175. 175: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    DE, I am not contacting these men, though. Actually, I really wouldn’t do it ever. Are you contacting them?

    I do want attention…that is really what I want. Funny how you nailed that without me actually seeking it directly from the men.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:43pm

  176. 176: DENo Gravatar says:


    Yes, I do :) usually is texting…sometimes Fb too :) but, i always check that i have no expectations…i usually send txts to a few…and see which one responds :)


    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:47pm

  177. 177: DENo Gravatar says:


    I say something light…trivial…often times is about me…or just a smiley face…:) it’s never a question…or following up on something i read, thought, etc…

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:48pm

  178. 178: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @149: rusty says:
    Have you considered looking for a roommate situation? Often there are women in the same situation as you, needing a nice place to live, but can’t afford it on their own. So they advertise for roommates…”

    Excellent Rusty! I thought you might have encouraged Mel to move out. I’m happy that I was wrong about that. I live in similar space you described, sublet shared space in old apartment.

    I moved here temporarily while waiting for co-op studio but due to medical difficulties opted to stay here longer. Guess what, the space I have is exactly the same as the co-op apt I looked at and was wanting to buy. I measured it! Both are teeny spaces. The situation I have is a lot easier.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:49pm

  179. 179: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    DE, so are you saying that even if the other person did something like … for instance, throwing away my favorite old guitar… a response of anger would be about *me* rather than about what he did?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:50pm

  180. 180: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @153: Lucy

    Hugs, Lucy.

    How is your daughter?

    Did anything special happen on April 23rd? I was looking in calendar agenda today.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:54pm

  181. 181: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    crack crack crack crack put down the crack pipe

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:56pm

  182. 182: DENo Gravatar says:


    Yes…:) Anger is a reaction to a deeper feeling(s)…u felt uncared about…u mentioned he did it “unconsciously” which means it was not intended…yet, your feelings were not taken into consideration by him…which “for some reason(s)” you expected him to…maybe it has to do because you’ve been intimate with him…thus, u feel like u have lost your personal power by entrusting he has changed?????

    So, u are now projecting u feelings of betrayal…wasting u time…disappointment…etc…

    I don’t know the real situation…but I tried for a moment to place myself in your place…and ask myself…how did I loose my personal power again with this man????? sex is one of them…:)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:57pm

  183. 183: MelNo Gravatar says:


    I like teeny! I’m small and don’t take up much space! :)

    … and the less space, the less to clean. and the less room to accumulate “stuff.” I like teeny tiny.

    I DON’T like smelly, dark, moldy, and cold. It just didn’t feel like a place anyone could feel at home in.

    Mostly, I’m just looking for clean, not run-down (but can be old) and has some natural light. If it has that I can make it pretty and homey. :)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:57pm

  184. 184: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    mel, i had awesome luck with the sublease section of craigslist. i’m sure you’re already on craigslist looking in the apt section.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:59pm

  185. 185: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I like my mental picture of yours too.


    Here’s the thing…I am loving mine more and more with each added little touch, I don’t want to leave it and that isn’t good. What is going to happen when I have it painted.. My guy isn’t going to arrive at my door. 😉

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 6:59pm

  186. 186: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    My initial response actually was Not anger at first, but grief. I immediately sat on the ground and sobbed (so hard I could barely breathe) and said nothing to him. Then he started dismissing and criticizing my feelings and justifying his actions… and That’s when I started feeling angry. I felt angry that he didn’t seem to care about my sorrow. What do u think?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:01pm

  187. 187: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Luce~ You play? Can you point me in the direction of a really good, easy to understand online teaching dealio?

    My acoustic and I have been fighting for a couple of months for sure. It is leaning on a wall in my living room, staring at me, Every.Single.Day.

    I have to pick it up.. but the truth is, I suck!! For now.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:04pm

  188. 188: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @160: Ice Princess says:
    That sounds fun! If only I could reduce my feelings and not his occupancy in my mind…”

    The way I see it is the snack bag is a variation of putting the guy on the back of my horse as I continue on my way. I don’t have to spend energy trying not to feel or forgetting or any like that. I can feel what I feel, savor my thoughts if I want to or be angry but TAKE CARE of myself.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:04pm

  189. 189: DENo Gravatar says:


    Well, maybe he needs to see u ANGER…just as u need to see HIS…

    You expressed ANGER on FB…yet, with him..u played it differently…authenticity and consistency are very important…

    I am not saying he was right to dismiss u feelings…for what its’ worth he was possibly afraid to admit being an “idiot for making such a decision”…this also comes about when we, women, are not consistent with them….we say/act what we don’t mean often…just because u played “cool” and felt only “hurt” initially…doesn’t mean he didn’t’ feel the hit of your energy…:( which was outrage and anger…

    Warm hugs

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:07pm

  190. 190: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    ok going out for the night. leaving phoen at home. it’s for the best:)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:09pm

  191. 191: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    DE, I haven’t had sex with him in a long time, but I suppose I was starting to believe that he cared about my feelings bc he has been “nice” to me since I have been using the tools… so maybe I am angry at Myself for believing he cared more than he did? Thank u so much for helping me with this….

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:11pm

  192. 192: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @183: Mel says:
    I like teeny! I’m small and don’t take up much space! ..”

    You’ll find someplace fun if that’s what you want. But it’s easier not to move unless necessary.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:12pm

  193. 193: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @185: Lilybelle says:
    “…What is going to happen when I have it painted…”

    I love fresh paint! It will be a signal that you’re getting ready for new things!


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:15pm

  194. 194: DENo Gravatar says:


    U are welcome :) U are the only One who can judge what it feels ultimately for U!!! I only placed myself in u place…and that’s what came up for me…:)

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:15pm

  195. 195: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @186: Lucy says:
    “…What do u think?…”

    I think it’s the final sign that you have done the right thing with the divorce. Now you can continue forward without looking back with a sigh and a question mark. AND I would get another guitar (not as a replacement) but as a new beginning with the assurance that you will create NEW SPECIAL moments with it!

    If not a guitar, get another of whatever it was.

    Hugs, Lucy.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:20pm

  196. 196: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    DE, oh I expressed my anger to him for sure! I was completely authentic with him. I never try to play it cool… heartbreak and sobbing was my genuine initial emotion. In the past i would’ve tried to avoid feeling the deep sorrow by going straight to anger and blame. This time I was more real. The anger came after, when he dismissed me… and I told him how angry I felt then. I was yelling a bit too, which wasn’t the best but I was So mad at that point.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:21pm

  197. 197: DENo Gravatar says:


    That’s great!!! Embrace u Anger!!! I would also likely follow up (with a scheduled meeting) on expressing ab my real feelings…which is disappointed…untrustful that things would work out between the two of u…afraid…scared…:(

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:27pm

  198. 198: DENo Gravatar says:


    Before I forget…intimacy…to me…means also cuddling…sharing intimate moments… not only sex…

    Warm hugs,

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:33pm

  199. 199: DENo Gravatar says:

    On my way to watch “Bad teacher”…i feel excited ab it…has any one of u seen it???? I need me some laughter 😉

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:34pm

  200. 200: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm… maybe the anger came bc the sorrow felt too strong for me to keep feeling it, so I “had” to switch to anger. Maybe this is progress: I was able to feel sorrow for longer than in the past… staying with it longer before “medicating” it w anger. Also, a sorrowful thought comes up now: “Why did he marry me when he cares so little abt my feelings?”… and then, ohhh: Why did *I* marry Him when he cared so little for my feelings? Oh my. That’s it. I did know this abt him before I married him but I

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:36pm

  201. 201: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    pushed it down so I could marry him. I know this. So maybe now the full anger at myself is surfacing… How could I have married and had a family with a man who didn’t cherish my feelings? Why did I do that to myself? Why couldn’t i have chosen one who truly loved me so I didn’t have to have a “broken home”? That’s it…. :( Now what? Forgive myself?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:40pm

  202. 202: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:44pm

  203. 203: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    DE, 198… hmm, yes… he had just taken me on vacation with the kids and we all shared a motel room… my two boys in one dble bed, daughter and me in another, and ex on the pullout sofa bed… BUT he texted me flirty/sexy texts from his bed to mine And I responded in kind bc it felt good… And in the morning while all others were asleep, he pushed me over so he could lie down beside me and cuddle with me…. :(

    Enjoy your movie and thanks again so much!! <3

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:48pm

  204. 204: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    SLV, thank you. Yes, your words resonate with me too…. <3

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:49pm

  205. 205: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelly… thank you…. Not sure about an online resource for guitar… I learned a long time ago and just stuck with the basics…. <3

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 7:54pm

  206. 206: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl–
    The feeling message you helped me with worked! He opened up to me more than he has in a very long time!! I leaned back and listened too. Funny how just hours ago I was crying my eyes out with very little hope and a few little words changed his whole attitude toward me (though I am not sure how long it will last so I will take it one step at a time).

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:22pm

  207. 207: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I like the way you think about it (@188)! :)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:25pm

  208. 208: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #150 SLV that’s interesting. and maybe most men are half female?

    #206 IP yae! babysteps, siren princess.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 8:53pm

  209. 209: DaisyNo Gravatar says:

    After a first date, especially one where he showed up early to ensure that we had a table with beautiful views of the mountains and shelled out a good amount of cash for some amazing food:

    to send a thank you e-mail the next day or no?

    He walked me to my car, asked if it was OK to hug, and said that he would “be in touch.”

    So, should I wait for him to follow through or send a thank you?

    Thanks for your help, I feel like a noob.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 9:01pm

  210. 210: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i talked to Busy Man Pimp tonight. he told me he didn’t like to be called pimp. (no, i didn’t use 100% FM, i used about 20% blame. and about 65% FM and then 10% regular speak and about 5% mantalk.) so i promised him i wouldn’t refer to him as a pimp anymore so i need to change his name.

    for now i will call him, persistent nice guy. we might have coffee tomorrow. he wanted me to drive to his neighborhood. i said i didn’t want to do that. he said it was more convenient for Both of us. lol. i said no it, wasn’t. it was more convenient for him.

    it feels like we are both learning with each other and we are both trying. and we are both not great at this kind of stuff. so well matched for now, i guess. i feel less attracted to hom now than when i met him though. because of all the poor communication we’ve had since meeting.

    he said “should i stop calling?”
    i said “i feel indifferent.”
    he said “then i should stop calling.”
    i said, “that is your decision. if i wanted someone to stop calling, i would tell them to stop calling. i’m saying i feel kind of both ways about it. or no way.”

    the rest of the conversation felt a little like work. but i am practicing. maybe we’ll have sex at some point. i feel indifferent.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 9:01pm

  211. 211: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    I feel extremely anxious tonight. I feel ignored tonight.

    Tomorrow will be better. No men will ignore me tomorrow.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 9:22pm

  212. 212: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Did anything special happen on April 23rd? I was looking in calendar agenda today.” (SLV)

    That was right around the time things started happening with this special guy I’ve been writing about. :)

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 10:10pm

  213. 213: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl @210

    Oh my goodness I feel so sick of guys acting like that – why’d he have to sabotage it. You were down to connect, and he had to go and ask you for permission. blech…

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:09pm

  214. 214: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Daisy – no. The man may reach out to thank the woman for spending time with him

    You are being courted

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:16pm

  215. 215: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    gina. you sound angry!

    and i feel a little wanting to back away from you. but i didn’t want to ignore your response to me.

    but i don’t usually feel that good reading negativity. especially when it’s directed right at me. i don’t usually desire to engage.

    what do you think is a solution?

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:39pm

  216. 216: alias girlNo Gravatar says:


    daria i have texted a man right after a date sometimes to tell him i had a nice time or thank him.

    but doing it the next day never felt right for me, personally.

    i felt happy to see your response to that because i felt curious about what others thought or other sirens’ experiences.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:47pm

  217. 217: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t see negativity directed at alias girl by gina. am i missing something?

    anyway i went out with my platonic guy friend whom i used to date.

    he treats me really good.

    we have fun.

    buuuut he acts gay as hell most of the time. too bad.

    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:47pm

  218. 218: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea i feel angry.

    i feel like someone just STOMPED ON THE TRUTH OF MY FEELINGS AND LIFE EXPERIENCE in the moment.

    i was expressing my feelings. i feel FURIOUS to have my feelings, my perspective, my experience invalidated in what feels like a careless manner.

    i actually feel a little bullied to have someone invalidate my feelings/perspective/experience PUBLICALLY in what feels like such a callous manner.


    Friday, 8 July 2011 @ 11:56pm

  219. 219: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i am going to look at his facebook page!

    aaahahhhahhhhahh no i’m not


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:00am

  220. 220: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i feel triggered.

    and bullied.

    and i don’t want to be bullied in this world.

    i am not bullying others so in the future I am not going to be miss polite pants. those days are so over.

    if people are doing things that feels like bullying to me i wil either say something or completely move on by it and put my energy elsewhere.

    so i feel bad if people feel triggered by me not responding to them but HOW I FEEL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME.

    SO if i am ignoring a siren’s direct response to me it is either because i didn’t see it


    i wish i didn’t see it.

    or i have simply started scrolling by that person because they i do not feel i am getting good energy from them and i am a gorgeous beautiful goddess who likes fun and gentle times so if someone is not offering me that energy

    i am probably not interested.

    i am probably not even going to see it.

    because my awareness is on what feels good to me.

    so yae! for being triggered.

    and yae for me finding new ways of interacting on this blog.

    and i wish everyone the best but i need to do what is best for me.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:03am

  221. 221: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    ok so maybe i am missing something. that is what i am gathering by your expressions of anger.

    can’t a girl just be genuinely confused? damn. does everything have to come down to people’s feelings getting disregarded? it was a question. nothing more than a basic question: am i missing something here? i am learning here too.

    this sh*t is tiring. feeling messages tire me out. i used them for like a solid 3 years and now i’m thinking they exhaust men, cuz i certainly feel exhausted when i am just trying to understand better.

    maybe this is why men don’t always respond well to the feeling message charade.

    ah-ha moment.

    thank you:)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:11am

  222. 222: alias girlNo Gravatar says:


    i will learn this.

    i feel empowered.

    in the past, i used to try really hard to get everyone to like me.

    what a waste of my time.

    now i focus on accepting myself and loving myself as much as i can. and speaking my truth as much as i can in the best way i know how.

    and some things still trigger me because i feel shame around them

    i feel shame around stating my boundaries because maybe they are stricter or DIFFERENT than others. BUT THEY ARE MINE. MY PREFERENCES AND NEEDS in relationship.

    and i get to choose. and i get to express myself.

    and i get to be messy about it and forgive myself.

    and i have a shame trigger about expressing anger that i am starting to really let go of. because i used to take on others shame or uncomfortableness and contort myself and eat it so they wouldn’t have to be confronted with themselves. but i have started to get over that and it feels SO FREEING. if i feel angry i feel angry and i honor that and express it if i choose to do so.

    i love me and i will fervently love me more than anything or anyone always. which then ALLOWS me to love others.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:12am

  223. 223: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    just kidding..i won’t abandon feeling messages. they’re…part of me now. haha. but i am interested in finding a more moderate way of incorporating them into my communication.

    Geez, I went from never using them, to using them all the time, and now i have to figure out how to scale back!

    What a journey!

    Feeling glad to be still young and learning. Maybe by the time I’m 30 i’ll have this sh*t on lock.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:14am

  224. 224: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    honestly i think the way you started saying you were so angry because i asked if i missed something, makes you look like a psycho.

    BUT please don’t take this personally.

    BECAUSE I started seeing a therapist because I overreact constantly…cuz I actually AM a psycho=/. So maybe I am mirroring. Or projecting. Or maybe you’re overreacting and I am seeing it from an outsiders perspective and it’s helping me regulate my own emotional reactions.


    I think you’re the sh*t, Alias Girl, for the record, in case that ever got lost in the files anywhere, I think you’re a rad lady! 😀

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:17am

  225. 225: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea. #217
    “I don’t see negativity directed at alias girl by gina. am i missing something?”

    the question you posed put me in the third person so it didn’t feel like ‘confusion’ that you wanted me to clear up -as you were not even addressing me, personally. i felt like i was being publically invalidated and it was an invitation for others to jump in and agree with you and thus be further invalidated by a group. which would then feel like bullying to me.

    i do not know how to put the above into feeling messages. but maybe it is better since you don’t seem to want to hear them anyway according to your last post.

    i felt like my experience and feelings were being invalidated by some third party bystander NOT living in my body. i felt disrespected.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:19am

  226. 226: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea i feel confused when someone calls me a psycho and then a few sentences later is complimenting me.

    i feel unsafe.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:22am

  227. 227: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    DE – i found that reaching out to men for attention felt … eventually… bad…

    at first i used the reaching out as a crutch when waves of feeling very lonely hit me

    each wave i did it a bit less. a bit less lean forward

    now i havent done this and i feel mucho less inclined to.

    The way i’ve been taking care of my desire for male attention is

    1. putting myself out where there are men

    my nv’s say this won’t work or won’t be what i want, but everytime i did this… took myself to a public place and did the “i am the target, i am the magnet, waterwheel from all men” tools… i felt paid attention to and better

    when i opened up a pof profile, and then another site i did not realize how far that would go in meeting that need for me

    2. I use my Boy to give my Girl the male attention she wants… touching, caressing myself caringly and romantically the way a man would… is like a version of the “paint myself with love tool”

    also, and this takes some effort for me… i say words to my girl the way a man would… “how are you feeling>?” “you are beautiful” etc

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:23am

  228. 228: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    alias girl, i’m not here to tend to your feelings or out girl you with my own. i’m not a man and neither are you… what is it that you want from me exactly?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:24am

  229. 229: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm well i am feeling kinda bullied in this situation too. what’s that about?

    i really do think you’re rad, but if i have to repeat it again i am going to feel pissed lol. wishing people would take my word for sh(t. knowing that if this were in person I would be so much better understood through tone of my voice and expression on my face

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:25am

  230. 230: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    holy crap i am triggered.


    what do i do now?

    i forget.

    i’ve been living life in a trigger fest for many months now, and i don’t remember my way out of this.

    my adrenals are sapped and i often end up thinking devastated suicidal thoughts, or just generally hurt myself either emotionally or physically one way or another.

    i don’t remember what i’m supposed to do with triggers.



    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:27am

  231. 231: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    227 daria
    i like the practical advice about when attention is needed. thanks! i’ll use it starting tomorrow!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:29am

  232. 232: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #228 dorothea

    “alias girl, i’m not here to tend to your feelings or out girl you with my own. i’m not a man and neither are you… what is it that you want from me exactly?”

    I feel confused. why are you telling me i am not a man? or outgirl? huh?

    to answer your question. i want to be respected. i want my feelings to be respected. and i don’t want to be bullied.

    people don’t need to do any of this with me. unless they want to be in relationship with me on any level.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:33am

  233. 233: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i am even more confused now….

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:38am

  234. 234: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – eating protein first thing in the morning has helped so much with my adrenal health,

    and keeping my blood sugar balanced by eating protein whenever i felt hungry throughout the day… and at least 3 times / meals

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:40am

  235. 235: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sooo i love my triggers

    i feel excited to watch watchamacalit… Love Scripts… woo hooo

    i am transforming to an AMAZING woman who is healing all the relationships in her life!

    not to mention is IRRESISTIBLY ATTRACTIVE to men like a sorceress

    AND will be living her dreams!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:42am

  236. 236: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh yah the apple cider vinegar also has been helping me mucho

    i am sleeping so much better and deeper now ! weeee

    i also set an intention for that

    cho luv apple vinegar mucho!!!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:44am

  237. 237: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh daria…i know in my heart and from articles i’ve readthat i should eat regularly.

    and yet i never do.

    thank you for the reminder!! i am going to spend some time this weekend making it possible for me to do that this week. buying quick food i can eat on the go since i am always on the go and figuring out a meal plan that works well for me.

    change is very possible! i love that!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:44am

  238. 238: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i do see the interaction and i feel awkward and curious

    i <3 alias girl, dorothea, gina

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:48am

  239. 239: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and i feel uncomfortable

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:49am

  240. 240: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – let me tell you, its so been worth it!

    ive ‘thought’ about eating ‘healthy’ most of my life…

    but somehow a man… just really got to me one day and was like… make sure u eat a protein and a carb within 30 min of waking up

    and i did it!… and i felt all warm and safe … and felt not woozy or dizzy or flimsy all day

    and then.. i listened to Rose Cole seminars… about balancing blood sugar

    when blood sugar is low, we suddenly feel cranky, it happesn all the time to all of us

    like we suddenly disconnect and feel annoyed iwth the person in front of us… and think its about teh interaction… but really thats blood sugar dropping

    and insulin resistance issues come from not having it blaanced and that also happens…

    and i started FEELING it in my body, the sugar, and paying attention to the hotness in my guts insulin… and actually hearing it Squirt

    anyway… i set the intent and everything started rolling along

    ive made it simple for myself… eat protein

    the end.

    for fast stuff, i have this amazing fish I LOVE! it tastes like salmon but its called steelhead… theres this smoked steelhead and i eat it quickly straight out the package

    fish and avocado are omega 3s which are healthy for my brain and body, unlike other “heavier” proteins like beef etc

    so i have the fish plain…i could eat that for my 3 meals if am super focused on other stuff than eating that day

    and just grab a random vegetable along with it if available

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:54am

  241. 241: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just make sure to have a day starting meal (ie a protein)

    i won’t begin activities without it… thats how the ‘weak ikcy feelings’ start

    its now part of my thinking… must have a protein to start day

    sometimes i will still procrastinate in bed for hours

    but i wont leave house without SOME protein having been ingested

    thats all ive needed so far

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:56am

  242. 242: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I see someone wanting to control me (at least i see it in my own head through triggers at the very least) and that makes me desire control too.

    almost urgently! and i go about achieving this in different ways. some of them pure some of them manipulative.

    i wonder what it would be like to experience this sort of thing differently.

    but i think the biggest part of the problem might be that i don’t easily see grey areas or middle ground. so when i start to feel that ‘you against me’ vibe, i almost always go into the all or nothing perspective..meaning if i let you ‘get away’ with having your feelings that i apparently triggered, then i am letting you get away with making me wrong and also acting bad, then i am agreeing that i am bad and awful…

    i feel f*ckin overwhelmed just thinking about it.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:58am

  243. 243: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    found a picture of how my smoked steelhead looks like…

    ready sliced

    from Costco

    this is my main food

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:58am

  244. 244: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea i don’t feel respected. and i don’t feel respecting.

    i would rather end my participation on this topic at this time. what do you think?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:01am

  245. 245: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    alias girl, i didn’t mean anything at all by what i was asking. i feel curious about perceptions, especially my own. and now i feel freaked out by our interaction, like super duper bad freaked out (well, relative to the fact that it’s just words on a screen, but super duper bad for what it’s worth). i feel attacked and bullied. i don’t know how to walk away from this the right way. it seems one of my beliefs is that if i attempt to explain anything, particularly when it seems like it shouldn’t even be necessary to begin with, it will drain me and then i will be depleted and i will have “lost” in this way.

    i am processing here and apologize if the above paragraph is confusing.

    i feel really glad for this trigger. and tearful. this sort of dynamic has left me in tears on a daily sometimes hourly basis for months now, except for the last week or so.

    alias girl, and everyone else, what i really wanted to say was “hey i didn’t mean it like that!” so that would avoid any need for confrontation, but there’s the other side of me that says if i say that, then i am backing down, accepting being talked to in a crappy way (as i see it), doing far more work than the other person in remedying something that never needed to exist in the first place, catering to their feelings and putting mine second….

    i think like this all the time. i don’t know any balance between the two positions.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:08am

  246. 246: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    ugh but i feel furious! omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    when i get like this with a man i trust or wish i could trust and feel safe with…argh! it is like me vs. him.

    i don’t want to be taken from! blargh!!!!

    i doubt any of this post means much of anything to you since it’s kinda vague and i know i won’t be able to articulate it very well beyond how i already did, but this is a MAJOR trigger for me that has been running my life, so i am glad to see it and even feel it happening in a slightly less serious context (ie the internet with ‘strangers’)

    Now that i recognize it, i am going to copy and paste our interraction and save it to remind me of what this feels like, and then i can see if i can work my way through this type of trigger to something that feels better to me.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:12am

  247. 247: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria i like fish so thanks for the tip

    i eat a lot of the diet i want, but it is then harder to eat regularly without good planning. i am excited to figure out ways to keep friendly foods on hand in a way that works for me and my body.

    i totally feel you on the not eating = crankyface thing. that is the story of my life. and most everyone. i also find that when i am eating well regularly, not eating when i normally do doesn’t feel so bad if it happens every once in a while.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:18am

  248. 248: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oooh! now professional rappers (one of the wolfpack) is contacing me on pof

    but! i know this group they are from my city so im like feeling disappointed cuz i can meet them lots of other ways if i want to

    but i will see what this guy is tlaking about

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:20am

  249. 249: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea. i honestly don’t know how to take this further with you. truly. maybe reread the interaction. look for your part. take accountability for what you feel was your part and then screw the world on the rest of it.

    i am accountable to me for me. and that’s it. if i hurt someone’s feelings and i feel bad then i want to make it better. if i want to be in good relations with people then i will make efforts to do so.

    but if i am doing my best and it is good enough for me and even if the entire world disagrees and forms a public debate about and public opinon comes up negative screw it.

    i please me. i take care of me. i do the best i know how in any given moment and that has to be enough.

    i was opening up a discussion with gina and i. i was sharing my experience and feelings and giving her feedback on how i experienced her. she can do whatever she wants with that depending on what type of relationship she desires with me.

    and the i shared with you how i was experiencing you and i did it while i was majorly triggered so certainly it was messy.

    i get to decide. i get to be empowered. i get to express myself. i get to use a walk away tool (ONE OF MY FAVORITES THAT I HAVE ERRONEOUSLY MISSUSING MY ENTIRE LIFE!)

    but i don’t know what else to say.

    i felt some pretty harsh energy coming at me and i returned it just as harsh.

    what do you think?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:21am

  250. 250: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    there wasn’t any harsh energy but now i am feeling really harsh reading your reactions, you know? i was misunderstood. and explaining feels like i am losing. :( i want to freak out and cry.

    do you guys know of way to not freak out and cry that isn’t just stuffing my feelings? i feel this way a lot.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:23am

  251. 251: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    riffing or whatever
    i feel my vision narrow or kind of…snap to a different signal
    i feel a lump/hardness from my larynx to my heart.

    the negative fearful feelings i have feel like poison. literally like poison.

    i am dying then.
    wow is this what i feel like every time?
    no wonder i get so intense. i really protect me! dang i look out hard core for me.

    too bad it’s resulting in hurting me all the same lol

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:26am

  252. 252: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – i feel excited1 yes now that u say that ive noticed too… when im eating well regularly, not eating once in awhile doesnt make as much of a diff in my energy level overall

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:27am

  253. 253: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    if this conversation were in ‘real life’ it wouldn’t be huge chunks of soliloquy.. it would be line for line response… that would be much easier to manage emotionally. which leads me to this ah-ha! part of the reason feeling messages stopped working for me with men and becoming a great source of frustration for me and my guys is because they’ve turned into feeling soliloquies most of the time, not one or two at a time, pause, wait… one or two more, pause, wait, rinse and repeat.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:29am

  254. 254: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I just got paid which means tomorrow I can go to the all natural grocery store and go nuts planning feeding myself:)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:31am

  255. 255: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    ok new communication rule for me moving forward: no feeling soliloquys. save the speeches for the really important stuff.

    i need help figuring out what is actually the important stuff, though.

    i feel excited! it will feel good to have all this pressure off of me!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:36am

  256. 256: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea. i don’t want to participate anymore at this time.

    if you want to take it up again at another time maybe we can revisit it if we both feel it will be beneficial.

    i feel a little awkward just leaving it but i just feel lost about how to participate in a way that is beneficial.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:37am

  257. 257: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea. oh. actually oh i feel dumb. the conversation had already been ended with me. oh. wow. i feel dumb.

    i hadn’t realized you had already moved on without me. ok. i feel amused.

    ok. well. take care. nite.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:40am

  258. 258: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Goodnight, Alias Girl

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:43am

  259. 259: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tearfully joyful and sad for the past because these few comments with alias girl brought one of my major holding patterns into light for me. I just read over it again and i felt all the triggers as i usually do (with a man) and can see what i think and feel and am able to notice all of it inside of me. Holy crap. I feel turned inside out, and I want to hug all my guts.

    i am finally getting how my perceptions are formed, and see blame patterns, and judgment, and how i react to various things i’m perceiving.

    wow. saving this forever.

    sending this blog huge celebratory hugs!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:51am

  260. 260: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whoa sexy CD called… it felt fun talking to him but at the end i felt bad…

    now i feel angry

    and upset with myself … it feels so good when i talk to him … and then bad



    his voice feels fun and familiar… reminds me of guywho

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:59am

  261. 261: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so jealous of SexyCD because i imagine his life feels very fun

    he had one of his friends in the background and they were crackin jokes and…

    it sounded really fun

    i wish i were there and laughing with them right now and feeling included and safe

    i feel abandoned and angry and foolish

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:03am

  262. 262: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    okay how did sexy CD steal my muchness?

    no he didnt

    i have my muchness… i just feel turned off and sinking hearty feeling

    i love my sinky hearted feeling

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:04am

  263. 263: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i partly want to text him back! ouch! that felt bad!

    partly “dont call me ever again” (off with his head)

    partly begging … please include me in your fun and treat me with respect and kindness

    i feel judgemental of that part


    i love myself

    i love my sigh

    i love whatever attracts me so much to sexy cd man

    i intend to bring that in my life in a powerful healthy way

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:11am

  264. 264: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    daria, i think this is when we take “no” or in this case the proverbial no from men and do something with our boy energy to make ourselves feel good that doesn’t involve leaning forward to the man?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:13am

  265. 265: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    blah eff my desire to control. i am going to control me and go to sleep lol

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:15am

  266. 266: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    :( :( :( i miss that fun vibe

    i feel “got” on a certain level by sexyCD that i LOVE feeling “got” on

    some of my brothers “get” me on this level

    the level that loves to show off

    it gets me into a competitive, playful, kinda masculine voice guy buddy vibe

    and i feel just super giddy and happy in that

    i love myself

    i will heal and learn about this

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:18am

  267. 267: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea thanks… i am going to continue feeling my bummed feelings

    i love my bummed ness

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:20am

  268. 268: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i felt confused and unimportant right now

    and feeling “GOT” and fun and flattered and paid attention to flet SOO good just a lil bit before that

    that i feel like totally overlooking that i feel bummed now and throw myself right in the middle of that “got” feeling … again… and again… and again…

    id want that “got” feeling for my boyfriend… or … i want that feeling to call me to hang out and spend time with me… everday or damn near


    feeling sad

    love my feelings

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:22am

  269. 269: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    that “got” feeling had me feeling all happy and lit up

    i felt energized… i felt like “playing” i felt excited and entertained

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:24am

  270. 270: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    fuchk you bitch! i am practicing and soon i will have so much self esteem that i will be having all the fun i want in my own life and will be able to tell you… well will be able to not pick up your call yes yes

    how about i dont pick up your call

    i will feel powerful then

    i KNOW i can have that wonderful “got” feeling with me

    it’s part of ME

    and i WANT to feel got


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:26am

  271. 271: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling confused… foolish… like i got dust in my eyes

    it felt bad

    i want to Do something to protect myself

    i feel defensive

    i feel scared?

    i love my feelings

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:32am

  272. 272: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay i got it! i got my message!

    its that… if i can say NO to what i dont want… icky feelings at end…

    and say No to SexyCD…

    then… a BETTER, AMAZING man will show up that has all the qualities i LIKE in sexy CD … minus the stuff i DON’T like!!



    cuz HandsomeMan was kinda like that, and ive been NOT contacting him… and now SexyCD wants to show up…


    if i say No to him…

    i’ll get an amazing man!

    just like… when i jumped out the car… even though i felt awkard… with Handsomeman2…

    after that i was pretty much done with the angry men!


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:08am

  273. 273: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    More about brain and feelings

    “… and I thought that was an idea worth spreading.”
    Dr Jill Bolte Taylor


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:19am

  274. 274: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay love scripts is helping me

    this is a ‘missed’ opportunity to share how i feel

    ‘i feel bad being approached for sex instead of a proper date… i dont like feeling this way… feel second class… ‘

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:41am

  275. 275: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling restless… i gotta go.. it felt good to talk to u

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:56am

  276. 276: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    interpreting everything as a positive: wow he likes me so much he’s tryna play ‘cool’ ! by hanging up quick


    this feels good!!!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:00am

  277. 277: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    unless were engaged it feels like dating

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:13am

  278. 278: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Gang,

    So I have been invited to go clubbing in a nearby town in a few weeks by a friend of J’s… the girl who I met that same night who is having a thing with his brother…

    And she and I got on really well and became friends on FB and now she has invited me to this night out.

    J will be going and it will be quite intimate cus we would be sharing a mini bus down there…

    I feel really unsure about whether to accept the invitation because J is going, and obviously he hasn’t contacted me…

    It might feel a bit ‘off’ or weird if I just show up in his group of friends…

    On the other hand it could feel really fun to go.

    I like the girl and obviously I would like to see him again, and not sure if it would be right to go…

    What do you all think?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:32am

  279. 279: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle and Daria

    I have a tube of green clay paste. I take it with me around the world. I don’t go anywhere without it.
    Its composition on the tube says:
    Raw Illite green clay (sun dried, not cooked nor baked)
    Illite green clay 53%. Water 47%

    It is a ready to use paste, in a tube.
    I have used clay ever since I was a child. Nowadays it is even easier to buy the ready to use paste.

    I have had got burnt on ovens, very bad burnt. As soon as I put some of this clay paste over the wound, the pain vanishes. It takes may be a few seconds for the terrible sensation of burnt to stop. After a couple of hours, the clay looks dried on the wound, the hurt comes back , so I add over the dried clay more fresh clay and peace comes back instantly.

    When the clay gets dry, I don’t take it off, because the crust of clay has become part of the wound and it would tear off my flesh and start the wound all over.
    I keep it the way it is, because while it is helping healing faster and without a scar, it also protects 100% from infection.
    I can take a shower with no bandage, the clay won’t fall off until the skin underneath is completely grown back, without a scar. It protects from infection in the water of the shower or anything that could happen.

    I regularly add over the dried clay new fresh clay. I want the crust of clay over my wound to always look a bit humid. It means that on top of protecting from exterior contact, thus from infection, it is also keeping my burnt wound hydrated which is part of the healing. The more often I add fresh clay, the better I fight against swelling and I help the renewal of cells.

    When your wound is totally healed, you’ll know it, because the crust of clay will fall off like dust by itself.

    I have used it for a hundred oven burnts lol. I have no marks today.
    I have used it for that stupid motorcycle burnt on the ankle. The guy had clay in his bag, so he covered my wound the very minute I got burnt. It was a bad wound on the muffler. I have no mark today.

    It is useful when you get a sun burnt too of course, it stops the aching instantly and keep your skin hydrated and save you from blisters. It seems that as soon as you cover the burnt with clay, the inside cooking stops instantly, unlike any other product I know of.

    I use it for blisters on my feet.
    I use it when I cut myself
    I use it when I hit a part of my body, it stops the bruise from swelling and from becoming colored.
    Well I use it for everything.

    It is magical with screaming children. They feel relieved instantly.

    Some women use it as a mask against acne, I don’t have the patience for mask but it does regenerate the skin and kills the bacteria.

    People drink it too, but I have not tried that yet because I have not had the health troubles it treats.

    On my friends’ and family’s body and on my body, I have observed that:
    It stops the aching instantly
    It stops the swelling
    It stops the coloration
    It protects against infection
    It causes cells regeneration and avoids marks
    It heals mush faster
    It saves me from making a bandage or putting anything over the wound
    It allows to take a normal bath or shower with no protection.
    It does not need to be cleaned up. It stays stuck on the wound until the wound is vanished.
    It is very handy

    Here, this is the exact product I am using.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:31am

  280. 280: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    lol typo
    ***It heals mush faster***
    should read
    “it heals muCh faster”


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:38am

  281. 281: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 77 That is how I understand it too FC. In addition with all the men and other people in the world and their waterwheel coming towards me, I have more than enough overflowing for the give back. My challenge is to imagine it “ALL THE TIME”. Seems like there is so much to focus on I am trying to print it on my unconscious.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:45am

  282. 282: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @208: alias girl says:
    “…#150 SLV that’s interesting. and maybe most men are half female? …”

    I don’t know but I’m inclined to think many are not, only the better ones. Although, genetically, males being half female and half male makes more sense.

    It’s a mystery… probably there’s testosterone poisoning going on… *sigh* just my idea…


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 7:05am

  283. 283: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From CCarter’s ebook The Science of Emotions

    As an interesting note, people’s behavior is generally more predictable as situations become more intense or important to them because their attention is focussed on interpreting every little detail and nuance. Their bodies and mids are tuned in and ready for something big to happen, and being more tuned in actually causes them to experience things even more intensely. It’s a snowball effect that heightens the emotional experience.

    Emotions are Contagious

    Several studies have been done on how emotions and moods can transfer from person to person. What’s amazing is that emotions or moods will most often transfer from the person who is somehow more intense of forceful with their feelings to the person who’s more passive. And the close the two people are to each other, then the quicker the transfer process is and the more similar their moods will become.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 7:23am

  284. 284: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    35: Mochaberri

    If he invited you to the party , it would be feminine and soft to accept to go to the party.

    If you are not invited, it would be leaning forward to go to his party.

    This is independent of whether you are still lovers or not. It is simple basic good manners and can help to take drama and tension off your interaction with him..

    Don’t see any meaning in an invitation to a party.

    If he invited you, go to enjoy yourself and lean back.
    During the party, don’t go towards him, let him come to speak to you.
    When he comes to you, be lovely, don’t refer to past problems and start afresh.
    If you don’t feel happy to see him, why would you even want to party with him?

    If he does not come to speak to you during the party, then be it; enjoy the party on your side and don’t try to contact him.

    You think there is a relationship because your mind is busy thinking of calling him and busy waiting for him to call back etc… then your mind is busy thinking of your weekly fight. That’s all in your mind.

    You are chasing him, he is running away. Plus the only time you meet, you fight. Men don’t fall in love through weekly fights.

    Stop calling him, lean totally back.
    He will probably not phone you during a good while.
    Don’t panic, keep silent and mind your life, make yourself busy with real things that benefit your life. And date other men

    With time, and thanks to silence, he might forget about the bad feelings, and he might feel pulled towards your new energy. If he felt a real attraction when he first met you, he will remember it, but he needs to be left alone and respected to start afresh.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 7:52am

  285. 285: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:



    SLV’s magical date book. 😉

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:22am

  286. 286: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I am not a very good eater either, Dorothea. I forget to eat most days and I’m lucky if I fill the tank once a day. NOT a good habit.

    I need to work on this for sure.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:28am

  287. 287: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for the info about the Green Clay. My chemical burn (WARNING ABOUT OVEN CLEANERS!!!) is about a week and a half old and is healing well now BUT it will leave a scar if I don’t try to reverse the damage. It literally burned a hole on the top of my foot, several layers down about the size of a nickel.
    Totally my fault because while I knew it was burning, I was in such a hurry that I ignored it.

    Will this stuff or the stuff Daria talks about reverse the damage already caused. I can see the scar forming..

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:50am

  288. 288: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @221: Dorothea says:
    “…maybe this is why men don’t always respond well to the feeling message charade.
    ah-ha moment.
    thank you:)….”

    I don’t respond well to it either… tee hee 😆
    I’m emphasizing the “charade” parade of it when there is one. I do want a man who cares how I feel.

    Lately when I see a post by a siren that she has told a guy “I feel like you….” Uh-oh, in my mind I start hearing… “I feel laka, I feel laka, boom shaka laka laka, boom shaka laka laka…”

    ‘Boom Shack-A-Lak’ by Apache Indian on QTV

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:53am

  289. 289: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Micro-riff… 😀

    I’ve been doing battle for over two hours so will take a break now. I haven’t given up but patience has worn to a thin thread.

    Love, love.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:55am

  290. 290: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    So rather than feeling fearful about the landlords, I am now feeling a bit angry because I don’t think they treated my very respectfully the way they set up this appt.

    According to AH, it’s natural to move from fear to anger as we start to feel better about something.

    I don’t intend to stay in anger for very long. I’m going to do some eft on it soon.

    Yet I am sort of appreciating it for now.

    I feel more confident, like who are they to bully me.

    Truly I don’t want to stay stuck in this anger. I know gratitude and positive expectation is where I want to be. Anger will eventually hold me back and attract what I don’t want…but right now it feels good.

    F them! I have rights. I don’t want want to feel scared and powerless. F them!

    I dunno, the anger feels a little better but still not all that good.

    A memory came up last night of when I was little and our landlord came over and had a fight with my stepdad and then brought some of his friend’s over and kicked my stepdad’s a$$.

    I don’t know the details of what was going on. My stepdad was a lightening bolt for drama.

    This could explain where my irrational fear of landlords comes from though.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:02am

  291. 291: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @240: Daria says:
    … but really thats blood sugar dropping

    and insulin resistance issues come from not having it blaanced and that also happens…”

    Changes in the insulin hormone also have much to do with changes in other hormones too. You might see this happen in some people who at certain times of the month crave that chocolate brownie!!!


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:04am

  292. 292: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lighting rod…not bolt.

    Anyway, I’m going to do some eft on that memory and see where it takes me.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:08am

  293. 293: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @290: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…A memory came up last night of when I was little and our landlord came over and had a fight with my stepdad and then brought some of his friend’s over and kicked my stepdad’s a$$.
    …This could explain where my irrational fear of landlords comes from though…”

    That is incredibly outrageous. Yes, LG! That memory would do it for me too!

    You need another story. Pronto!!! You are paying these people to manage your space for you. Your space is everything around you and your belongings in it. You take your space with you wherever you go. It expands and contracts according to the containers you choose.

    Your property managers are taking care of the physical parts that your space is inside. That’s their job. Remember you are paying THEM. You are mistress of your castle, your space, wherever you take it.

    You have many choices and no real estate investor wants to lose a good paying tenant, ever!



    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:15am

  294. 294: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @285: Lilybelle


    More on the calendar book later…


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:19am

  295. 295: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori did say I could text him… and I am feeling scared to…

    Lemme try some stuff out here and see how it feels.

    “Hey J. Was thinking about how good it felt cuddling with you and how fun it felt when we hung out together before.
    S has invited me clubbing to … on … with you guys. I’d like to go and I think it could be fun. What do you think?”

    How would it feel to send that?

    Hmmm, ok I guess.

    Am I expecting an outcome?

    Well, yes I would like a reply… could I survive if I didn’t get one?

    Of course I could… and I imagine I might still feel a bit awful.

    I sure wouldn’t go clubbing with them if there was no reply.

    The other option would be just to say yes to her and show up on the night. He could see from FB that I would be going.

    But that just feels super mega scary and I don’t feel Rockstar enough to do that atm…

    Lots of ‘what if’ NVs like what if he was with someone else… didn’t turn up when he found out I was going etc etc…

    Blah blah.

    Trying to turn this round.

    I mean he seemed really into me right so there is no reason why he wouldn’t want me along BUT they are HIS friends (I am only newly friends with the girl who invited me) that might well be seen as a lame attempt to get close to him and that feels SUPER ICKY!

    No no… that is why it feels so triggering.

    Ok so NO to just showing up I think.

    But maybe to sending the message and seeing if he replies.

    I can always meet the girl another time separately.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:20am

  296. 296: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks SLV

    I’m crying now. I just feel so scared.

    I remember being a little girl an my mom wasn’t home and these strange men came over and pulled my stepdad out of the house and beat him up. I felt so cared and I didn’t understand what was happening.

    And there was another situation at a different house.

    My stepdad was really not a good guy and had controversy everywhere he went.

    But this isn’t my reality now.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:21am

  297. 297: DaisyNo Gravatar says:

    @Daria, Thanks for the response last night…just letting him do his thing and see if he follows through.


    How would it feel to send the first part of that message:

    “Hey J. Was thinking about how good it felt cuddling with you and how fun it felt when we hung out together before.”

    Then, wait for a response. If there isn’t one, that can help inform your decision about going clubbing. But, if he does respond, then you can bring up the clubbing invite.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:27am

  298. 298: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I can relate to feeling unsafe about landlords. Wow now that I think about it…this has been my history with landlords:

    My first landlord was an apt complex, and one of the employees was young and my age with a baby and a wife. He constantly called me and tried to grab my boob (yeah..he had a lot of game lol)

    My second landlord was an apt complex that evicted me for “not paying rent” but i had paid the rent, they just applied that money towards another bill of mine they didnt bother to tell me about.

    My third landlord was the building manager, was a crack head who took everyone’s cash for rent and disappeared.

    My fourth landlord, his replacement, ignored and avoided me after my door was kicked in and i needed it fixed so it would shut and lock

    My fifth landlord was cool.

    My sixth landlord was a building manager who lived next door and was an alcoholic to the max. Came into my house without telling me sometimes. One night I went over there to use the phone to call my boyfriend because i left mine in my boyfriend’s car, and he started talking about how sexy i am and giving me that “i watch you while you sleep” look. yikes. I moved out and the owner gave me my money back.

    My seventh landlord went into my house without telling me a few times.

    My eighth landlord confronted me like i was a crack head because of my job working for a pro-legalization non profit. i felt so dehumanized.


    wow lg, thanks for bringing this up. this could be part of the reason i have nightmares all the time… i don’t have a basic feeling of safety in my bed.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:38am

  299. 299: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    That fourth landlord was nasty to me when i finally left a letter saying i was moving out because my door wouldn’t shut and he wouldn’t respond to my requests, and my refrigerator was leaking something really caustic. He cornered me and told me he was going to sue me for leaving. He never did. He was actually my former boss, and he threatened to get me fired too. But by then he was such a tweaked out meth head that he didn’t stay too focused on any agenda for more than a few minutes lol

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:42am

  300. 300: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:



    How about just this:

    S has invited me clubbing to … on … with you guys. I’d like to go and I think it could be fun. What do you think?”

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:20am

  301. 301: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    Antiangiogenesis + cancer + obesity

    By Dr.William Li


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:27am

  302. 302: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    Dr. William Li’s list of antiangiogenic foods


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:28am

  303. 303: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    Inhibition of angiogenesis and cancer

    By the US National Cancer Institute


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:28am

  304. 304: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    The angiogenesis foundation


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:28am

  305. 305: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Red Wine is good for us in so many ways.

    Me Likey!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:36am

  306. 306: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    “Life is too short to drink bad wine”.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:44am

  307. 307: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @296: Laughing Goddess

    I hope you are feeling better. That story about the goons is not yours and is not what will happen. Go sit in a quiet place with a soothing beverage and use your mind to help you out.

    You can do this! Unless everything is perfect at your house, I’d make a maintenance list of things for them to see. If things are perfect, I’d make a list of things I’d like,,, just for hell of it. “I’d prefer yellow tulips next year instead of the red” or “the tree in the corner needs pruning.”

    Girl, get your princess on…. 😀



    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:47am

  308. 308: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Just checked. I’ve got a yuck $40 library fine!
    Videos add up fast!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:49am

  309. 309: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @298: Dorothea says:
    “…this could be part of the reason i have nightmares all the time… i don’t have a basic feeling of safety in my bed….”

    Those guys would give me nightmares too. Perhaps it’s time for you to buy yourself a nice little house and find a decent handyman or two you can keep on call in case you need something fixed. Or you could do things yourself which can be fun.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:54am

  310. 310: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I feel so much better. I feel relieved Eft is finally starting to really work for me.

    I recently read a book on it and it helped me understand how to do it.

    I tapped on the trauma emotions that were stuck in my body from those experiences. I debt even do a very thorough session. I just focused on releasing.

    The emotions quickly melted away and I felt freed up and able to take the dogs for a walk and then make myself some breakfast.

    I felt painfully hungry and I decided to try Daria’s protein in the morning suggestion. I feel so much better now!

    I’m going to take some vitamins too while my stomach is full. I notice that I have a lot more energy throughout my day when I take my B vitamin/ stress formula.

    Now I feel very weird saying this next part because I’m pretty sure some people might find this odd but I had raw beef for breakfast. When I am feeling weak, I find it is the most energizing protein I can eat.

    It’s actually not as odd as it sounds. Many high end restaurants serve raw beef dishes like carpachio (sp?). Many Asian restaurants have raw meat dishes as well.

    For me, it’s the same as eating sushi.

    It’s totally safe as long as it’s high quality beef that has been stored properly…same as sushi.

    And I find it extremely easy to digest. I feel instant energy.

    I’m not a fan of well done meat. I find that it just sits in my belly and takes forever to digest.

    Mmmmm, I’m feeling so much better.

    I feel inspired to focus on eating more regularly and keeping my blood sugar balanced.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:54am

  311. 311: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! I feel so much better!!!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 10:56am

  312. 312: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daisy/Pam & Lillybelle,

    Rori suggested I could text him something like a cliffhanger question eg ‘I was thinking about…’ and then if/when he replied say something like ‘it felt good to be looking in your eyes…’

    So I was sorta trying to combine that with finding out how it would be for me if I went clubbing.

    Hmmm, I feel confused.

    Rori did say she would make a post out of our corespondance and put it up here for us all…

    Not sure when she is planning to do this (soon I really hope).


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:04am

  313. 313: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy you were asking about why Rori said it would just be a fling not a relationship.

    Think it is mainly because he is so young and also broke… therefore possibly not in a position/capable of having/offering me a relationship?


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:06am

  314. 314: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Triggering myself now!! Lol.

    Feel weird about my last post… it sorta sounds like assuming that I do want a relationship with him… and the truth is I don’t know if I would bc it is far to early to say…

    Ow, interesting how I get triggered when I say something that makes me feel needy.

    This is why I shut down often, cus I hate feeling the weakness and anxiety of admitting I like someone, which I percieve makes me vulnerable.


    Gonna heal that one cus my ego is def keeping love at bay with that!!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:09am

  315. 315: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yikes! on the landlords Dorothea. I feel hopeful that from here on out you will have safe and comfortable living situations.

    SLV: Thanks for your support. I agree, it’s time to get my princess on. Not in a bratty way, but in an “I’m worthy” way.
    Thanks for all your support.

    And you too Lillybelle. Thanks for your well wishes on this.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:15am

  316. 316: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling a lil negative right now… like teetering on the edge of spiralling down into negative soup.

    Want to feel my feelings but would also like not to spiral down today.

    Just feels like I am doing really badly.

    I mean if anything it feels like I am further than EVER from having my man and my happy, commited relationship.

    I guess thats ok… just feel disappointed and de-motivated.

    They just keep POOFING. Repeatedly and I jus feel sick to death of it.

    And everyone else seems to keep getting the happy relationship and I just get cast aside.
    Is what I am thinking of my situation atm.

    Eg: housemate and his g,friend are so IN LOVE and HAPPY.

    And I am happy for them and I feel jealous.

    I like her though and she does deserve to be happy, but so do I!!

    Not saying that I would want to be with him… I was not sure… and she was, and that I guess is the vital difference.

    But I didn’t think we had to be sure… thought that our guy will be the one to be sure?

    Well he sure hasn’t found me yet.

    So the guy before J poofed, after an akward thing where I expressed my discomfort over a missed phonecall cus he was too drunk to call me.

    Barman is with someone new and never came to try and get back with me after I finished things… and again he is prob not right for me… but even so it just seems like it was oh so easy for him to drop me and move on… after saying he would have married me.

    Married guy has disappeared after I said I want to hear from your wife that she is REALLY ok with you dating otherwise no cigar.

    Pubman poofed and chose to stay with his g,friend, not be with me as he told me he was gonna (he said he wanted to break up with her to be with me… but when crunchtime came he chose to stay with her).

    J’s brother, who I met before J and was flirting with me… then his ex showed up and he decided to re-kindle that instead.

    Then I met J.

    Then J poofed (and this one REALLY hurt!).

    Now it seems sexy, better quality CD from earlier in the week has poofed. The date seemed to go so well, and he text me after to say he would really like to meet again would I? I replied that would feel good. That was on Wednesday, now it is Saturday and I have heard nothing.

    The guy who I slept with has not called (not that I expected it to be anything but sex but he hasn’t even called for more sex and he is a guy!!!).

    I am unsure I am strong enough to take much more…

    Is this a pattern I am creating? Am I that awful that these guys don’t want to be near me (these are my NVs talking… just letting them air for a minute).

    I feel so confused.

    My self esteem feels like it is on the floor.

    I thought a Siren drew people in… if anything I seem to be repeling people away atm…

    Well that is what it looks like to me anyway.

    Am I wrong Sirens?

    I am going to work on flipping this tonight.

    I am having a night in for myself and I am going to do some cleaning and make my space LOVELY! And I am ging to write out a plan for my life and the changes I want to make now, in my book.

    And I am going to blog and see if I can shift my vibe again for me…

    I really want to let go now.

    Don’t want to be hoping that these guys will come through for me anymore. Feel SICK and TIRED of it.

    Want to look after me.

    Need all my energy for me right now.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:31am

  317. 317: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ella: I’m just gonna brainstorm on what I would possibly say.

    Me: Hi J! Were you abducted by aliens?

    Him: haha, no

    Me: Oh good. I feel surprised that I haven’t heard from you. I thought we were gonna go for a walk or something.

    Him: oh ya well, I …..(whatever he says)

    Me: Okay, well no worries. My week was quite busy anyway.
    (which is true. I am a siren and I don’t sweat it if a guy doesn’t call, especially a man that I’ve only know for a short time and am not invested in. I go on with my life)

    Me cont: So and so invited me to the pub crawl (or whatever). I feel interested in going yet I’d rather not if there’s some awkward feelings between us.


    This is how I would approach it if I was feeling rockstarish.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:38am

  318. 318: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I don’t know I am reviewing Rori’s ebook and what I am getting is that we should be clear that we don’t want a man, any particular man. What we want is a relationship.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:42am

  319. 319: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    Me cont: So and so invited me to the pub crawl (or whatever). I feel interested in going but it feels a little awkward. What do you think?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:44am

  320. 320: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel satisfied with the last line yet. I kinda don’t care what he thinks. If I wanted to go, I would just go. The girl invited me, it has nothing to do with him.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:46am

  321. 321: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: do you have any additional insights regarding what we spoke of the other day, men’s egos and feeling like a failure?Was this covered in CC’s ebook?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:48am

  322. 322: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    K I had another idea whilst I was cleaning the kitchen units…

    Maybe, in most of the cases it is actually me doing the choosing, although it does not always look like that.

    For example I wonder if actually I could be with most of these guys IF I was willing to accept what they were offering.

    Eg: If I was willing to accept being cheated on by Pubman… or putting up with a ketamine habit with Barman… or housemate dude who doesn’t want to marry or have children… and who was all over the place mentally about his ex at the time…

    So actually I am saying NO to these… and that is why I am not with them or it appears like they are not choosing me…

    Still get sooo stuc on J though cus I so wanted to see him again and I am not saying no (although some do think my IM convo might have portrayed that… Rori didn’t seem to think so though which feels comforting. I still feel confused on this).

    Was thinking earlier, what is it that J holds that I want and how can I create that for myself in my life?

    Think it is fun and just a general feeling of happiness.

    I want that.

    Sitting back, opening palms and saying ‘I give this happiness a shot’

    And I do…

    And earlier today I noticed it is not easy… but if I can take babysteps to this I will get there.

    I guess the feeling underneath ALL of this is…

    I feel lonely.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:50am

  323. 323: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I had a dream I remember from last night. I dreamt I came upon a bag with some money lying near it. I acknowledged that I was ready to take it as no one was really anywhere close by. However as I reached over to pick it up it occured to me that something did not feel right about it. I questioned myself because normally I would not go ahead and take it but this time I actually noticed that I was not feeling good about that so I ended up acknowledging my feelings and deciding to leave it. I woke up feeling like I had honored myself by acknowledging my feelings and allowing them to influence my choice rather than just instinctively reacting.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:52am

  324. 324: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Me cont: So and so invited me to the pub crawl (or whatever). I feel interested in going. I feel more comfortable though knowing that things are cool between us.


    I feel best with this.

    Then I would go and have a lot of fun and not give him any special attention but be warm when he approaches me. I’d make him work for my interest and affection.

    I can be a princess with men. Maybe I just need to reframe my perspective and treat my landlords that way :-)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:52am

  325. 325: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 321 LG I had actually forgotten. It might have been from an email. What was it about their ego again?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:53am

  326. 326: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you.

    Basically I am trying to be a Siren and I am getting on with my life and CD-ing etc…

    And the truth is I did get suck on him… I have got stuck… somehow (and I don’t know how cus there was not sex)n I got hormonally bonded and am creating an imaginary relationship here.

    I can see it and I still don’t know how to not do it yet.


    Re 320 – Urghh, yes I know that is how I feel too, that the girl invited me and if I want to go (which I do) then I should just go…

    And I don’t know if that would be good for me.

    I don’t feel strong enough to be Rockstar and handle any outcome.

    Somehow here in this situation I have come off balance and fallen spectacularly off my horse!!

    Rah!! :-(

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:56am

  327. 327: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    “My self esteem feels like it is on the floor.”

    IMHO it’s because you are giving these guys waaaaay too much power over you. I think you are blessed that these dorks poofed. Honestly none of them sound like they can provide the relationship you want.

    It means nothing about you.

    The only thing I would tweak is having a little more control over your nv’s and not letting your fears and worries dominate things.

    I know it was controversial yet I agree with some of what Rusty said about dumping that stuff on a guy. Yes, we want a man who cherishes us and respects our emotions. But it’s not a guy’s job to constantly soothe our insecurities.

    There is even a difference between saying

    “I feel scared” …with the subcontext “and I know this is my own stuff and I’m dealing with it”.


    “I feel scared” ….with the subcontext because you are scary or I can’t handle my own emotions so I need you to make everything okay.

    Know what I mean?

    You are doing great and the right guy will come along. And when he does, you will see clearly that none of these guys were really right for you.

    Or you could see it now and save yorself plenty of suffering.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:02pm

  328. 328: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, how about: “It felt fun being with you the other day… :)” You could also add “xx” if you want. That would be authentic, don’t you think?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:03pm

  329. 329: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ella: does eft work for you?

    It really helped me out this morning.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:05pm

  330. 330: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    CCarter: The best challenge to throw to a man in the beginning are about issues having to do with dating. Asking him “Why can’t lots of men figure out they don’t want a woman for a girlfriend before they get intimate or sleep with her?”

    This is putting big issues out there in front of a man that most women can’t discuss, so it has a lot of “high drama potential”. It is the good kind of drama that instantly raises a guy’s heart rate and makes him sit up and pay ten times more attention to you than before. Why? Because it is the kind of question most women will never ask a man in a playful context that allows him to answer in a pressure free way.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:06pm

  331. 331: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW re 318,

    So basically don’t worry about all the ones who have poofed… because it is not the men we want (or any particular man) it is the relationship…

    So each percieved failure is acually a ‘no’ we have said that takes closer to the relationship?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:06pm

  332. 332: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    288- SLV you made me giggle there! FMs to manipulate are never going to produce a healthy relationship, as do any attempts to manipulate or play the wronged, powerless one.

    For me FMs are so important because they help me to understand and accept myself and also allow my man to understand me more too. There’s no getting him to do anything different about it. Whenever I’ve tried to use FMs in that way it always backfires on me. It’s more about being a step towards Radical Honesty as Rori calls it so that we have greater depth of emotional intimacy rather than blame games etc.

    If I’m trying to get him to do something different from what he’s already doing then there’s generally a fear of something coming from me behind this desire to use control as a distraction tool. I try to tap into, express and heal that fear. Often it just involves getting a life, otherwise known as Staying On My Bridge.

    If he sees me grow in a more loving way as a result of my process and then chooses to learn from this himself then great! Telling people to act differently generally just gets me more of what i don’t want. However I can always walk away.

    Whatever we focus upon grows.

    I’m focussing upon trusting that he’s a good man and doesn’t want to hurt me. Always making that assumption in every situation where I have difficult feelings seems to be really helpful.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:07pm

  333. 333: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ella: are you sure you want to go?

    I know yousaid you want to get away from the drinking vibe and this sounds like it would be centered around that.

    Are there any other gatherings you could go to that day where you might meet men who are more in alignment with what you are wanting?

    Is there something that you have been wanting to do just because you feel passionate about it?

    I met my guy when I treated myself to a hot springs trip. I wasn’t expecting to meet a guy, I just love hot springs. And it was cool becaus I met someone who has similar interests as me when I was least expecting it.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:10pm

  334. 334: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    So basically don’t worry about all the ones who have poofed… because it is not the men we want (or any particular man) it is the relationship…

    So each percieved failure is acually a ‘no’ we have said that takes closer to the relationship?



    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:11pm

  335. 335: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    What about going to places where althetic men hang out. An outdoor place where people ride bikes, and get physical, and take care of their bodies?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:13pm

  336. 336: CorinNo Gravatar says:


    I’ve been reading your posts on meeting different men and I think you’re in the UK like me. I found that once is started dating on Match, a paying dating site, all the men I met were of a calibre I actually wanted to date. This was in terms of education, career focus, emotional development, commitment to actually find a relationship rather than date etc.

    The free sites seemed to just attract stoners and those on benefits who were sat at home all day or players looking to get laid with minimum fuss. The same with bars and clubs. In there a guy is always going to be focussed on how you look, dress etc and the ones who come up to you are likely to be the ones who chat people up a lot looking for ego strokes/ sex. I have predjudices about men out chatting up women a lot when they are out with their friends i.e why don’t they want to focus on catching up with their mates?

    Just some thoughts to consider. x

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:16pm

  337. 337: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    LG re 327,

    Thank you and yes def need to get some power back over my NVs.

    I don’t know, I am struggling.

    Trying not to be judgemental is really grea for me and yet it means I tend not to see the guys as dorks.

    Trying to be open is great and yet it means I am letting these ‘dorks’ CD me… cus they are who is showing up right now.

    Feeling triggered about the stuff about being scared cus actually when I said it it was with the sub context of ‘I feel scared and I know it is my stuff and I can handle it’ but there is also still some ‘I feel scared by you and I can’t handle it so I need you to fix it’ generally about me when I meet guys who I feel it for!

    This is where I am at.

    Can’t help but think the key lies in getting my life really sorted, and only doing things that are really good for me… raising my self esteem so tha the men I draw in start to be of a better quality.

    And then being secure enough in my self esteem that I can handle it when they show up.

    Wow, who would have thought I would need to do so much work in this area!

    Think that the drugs might have to go completely.

    And the alcohol is sill being cut down, still not at the level I want, and still being worked on

    I got a lot more up my sleeve for improving my life and that is what I am working on later tonight in my book.

    And I feel a lil scared of change still.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:17pm

  338. 338: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: You told me the other day how CC says that men hear there lady’s criticism as meaning that they are a failure. And how it has to do with their ego.

    I wish I could find it but I’m on my phone right now which makes it challenging.

    It was really helpful and I was just wondering if you had an other insights about that.

    I had asked Rusty for a male perspective and you told me what CC says about it. Does that ring a bell?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:22pm

  339. 339: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ella: 327

    I hear what you’re saying about calling them dorks. I felt uncomfortable that I said it. I really just meant it in the sense that they haven’t yet proven that they are worthy of your romantic love and devotion.

    Sort of like how another coach suggests that we should see men as scooby doo.

    It’s just about not putting them up on a pedestal, especially when they haven’t really done anything to deserve it.

    I feel uncomfortable being judgmental and I do try to stay open to everyone…but I don’t want to put them on a pedastal.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:30pm

  340. 340: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Also ‘I feel scared’ with the sub context ‘I am scared and it is my stuff I am handling it’ may not have come over in an IM conversation.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:33pm

  341. 341: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I feel empowered seeing that I do have a strong and confident attitude with men (for the most part). There’s always room for improvement.

    And how I can shift that attitude to situations where I feel unempowered…like the landlord. This feel awesome!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:33pm

  342. 342: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 338 Yes that is basically it. I have to look for the email it came in. It is connected to their competitive nature and they reason many are so into sports. They work to win us over. The ego tells them they are invincible. That is the reason many will leave women who they experience as easy. When we criticise them we focus on the things that are wrong in the relationship. They then think they are failures. Their ego is big so they cannot stand their woman communicating any sense of failure to them. They want to feel like they are heros.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:34pm

  343. 343: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ella 340

    Ya, it can be challenging to communicate that type of thing in IM and text.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:35pm

  344. 344: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    LG re 339

    Yes that feels so much better!

    I know … don’t want to put them on a pedastal either!

    “And esp when they have not done anything to deserve it” … this feels helpful.

    As a default they don’t get status unless they earn it.

    Great – my brain has got it… now just need to get the message to sink down to my heart!


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:37pm

  345. 345: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Although I do believe it comes across energetically.

    For instance…

    “Where you abducted by aliens?”…because I can’t imagine any other reason why you wouldn’t call a goodess like me back.

    “It’s cool” (when he explains why he didn’t call)…because I don’t sweat new men not calling me. I know is has nothing to do with my desirability. I don’t take things personally because I know my value…This attitude has to be followed up with action as well, meaning he has to step up before he gets to spend time with me. It doesn’t mean “I let you off the hook for not calling”. It means you still gotta step up before you get to spend time with me.

    Now if this was a man I had a commitment with, I would expect him to call.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:42pm

  346. 346: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    LG yeah I do want to go clubbing. I still enjoy doing that amongst other things.

    I have been thinking a lot recently abou other things I could do, instead of going to the pub… Its a little tricky in some ways cus when I have any free time I tend to work as I am quite focused on getting my businesses going…

    But there is something.

    I love food.

    We have a TV programme here in the UK called ‘Come Dine with Me’ and its about strangers who throw dinner parties for each other and then score each others efforts.

    Since it started non televised versions have cropped up all over the UK. I thought that could feel fun to get involved in… if there is one local to me.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:42pm

  347. 347: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    CCarter’s suggestion on Non-Situational Honesty
    “You know I have known for a long time that I want a relationship that”(explain your ideals for a great relationship).

    Do not start talking about how what you have now isn’t what you want or that you NEED to have this ideal relationship with him right now. If you do this it will change the context and nature of the conversation and odds are the guy will change the mood,it will close his desire to listen and share with you in half a second flat.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:43pm

  348. 348: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 336 Corin I feel happy about your comments because I have wanted to say something about meeting men in pubs but felt concerned about coming across as judgemental. Some guys do find their “one” in pubs but what is the percentage? The mindset of many men who go to pubs to interact with women is to de-stress and get laid. This is what a friend who owns one told me. Some drink to build up the courage just to approach a girl, and if that is what they do some tend to assume you do the same thing because of fear.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 12:53pm

  349. 349: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From CCarter email:

    I know, the LAST thing you want to do is “ASK”
    for more love and affection or romance. Besides, asking for more affection or romance makes a man think he’s doing something wrong, or that you’re criticizing him.

    This doesn’t set a very good stage for getting
    that GENUINE affection, does it?

    You want your man to be more affectionate
    because he really FEELS good about you, not
    because you lodged a complaint and now he’s
    “stepping up.”

    I’m talking about being the kind of strong and
    capable man he knows he has to be in order to take
    on the responsibility of a long-term COMMITMENT to
    a woman. At this point, once he starts thinking “I want to get serious with her” a man will start to get
    VERY focused, very fast. He’ll begin to look at his career more seriously. He’ll begin to question the purpose of his life and where he’s headed.

    A man will unconsciously detach and become MORE
    focused on work and his responsibilities and LESS
    focused on you when he’s feeling more serious
    about you. He will be more “inside his head”
    thinking about how you will fit into his life. When this happens, he can often seem to be less affectionate and loving, and it can be a little
    confusing for a woman, to say the least.
    Your worries and fears will make him feel like
    he’s FAILING in trying to be a good partner to you.

    He’ll start to doubt if in fact he can make you
    happy in the long-term. He’ll wonder if you can
    “handle” the small challenges in your relationship
    down the road.

    I mean, if you think the “relationship is over”
    because he didn’t call or pay closer attention to
    you, he’s going to wonder how you’re going to
    handle it when bigger, more challenging things
    happen in the future.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:32pm

  350. 350: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Possible message to J:

    “Were you abducted by aliens? … has invited me to come clubbing in … on … Could be fun.

    I’d like to go and I feel more comfortable knowing things are cool between us. What do you think?”


    “Were you abducted by aliens? … has invited me to come clubbing with yo guy in … on … Could be fun. What do you think?”

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:32pm

  351. 351: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    More cut and paste from the email

    A woman’s feminine energy can counter all that
    masculine energy with things that are about “being” and sensuality. Soft touches, and appealing to his senses with things like music and candles can INSPIRE a man to become more affectionate with you. Just don’t make the mistake of falling back
    into talking about the relationship, why you’re
    worried, and what he’s doing “wrong.” All that’s going to do is just push him deeper down into himself where he’ll start to doubt your future together.

    By being more of a feminine presence around him
    with more sensual and soothing words and touches,
    you’ll make him feel MORE masculine, and more of a
    “man.” This in turn also inspires him to be more
    nurturing and loving toward you.

    Talking, complaining, criticizing or nagging
    does NOT inspire a man to give genuine affection.
    It only makes him feel INEFFECTIVE and
    unappreciated for the things he believes he needs
    to do in order to be a good “provider” for you.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:38pm

  352. 352: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella for some reason I don’t like the what do you think at the end of these question. For me it suggests seeking approval for having my own life and enjoying it. As if you lack the ability to make choices for yourself. What does you going out clubbing have to do with someone who was abducted by aliens and thus off the planet?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:41pm

  353. 353: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad today. Talking with R lots and although I understand his reasons and he understands mine I have to accept that he is doing what is best for him. It will all end in the same result anyway and that is what matters. I cannot control him, only me. It would feel so much better if we did this another way but for now I need to accept his ‘no’.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:44pm

  354. 354: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW yeah I know what you mean and I agree.

    So how about:

    “Hey J. Were you abducted by aliens? … has invited me to come clubbing with you guys in … on … Sounds fun and I’d like to and I feel more comfortable to accept knowing that things are cool between us”.

    FW – In some ways I am asking for his go ahead to go… I know that feels a bit icky and the truth is I would/will go if I want to, with or without his approval. And yet I want to feel comfortable. And I don’t feel comfortable showing up in his social group until I know the lie of the land between me and him. So I am looking after me.

    Hope that makes some sense. It feels right to me.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:51pm

  355. 355: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder should I just ditch the abducted by aliens bit?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:53pm

  356. 356: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling kinda down today. Does anyone have a funny movie suggestion (Netflix streaming) for me?

    I really don’t feel like going out and being social. I feel like being understanding of my body when it tells me that it just wants to cry (and not in public).

    Maybe if I can laugh a little I will gain a little bit of momentum and positivity and be able to write a few cover letters to some jobs I would like to apply to.

    I think I have definitively ruled out staying in this city though. The more I think of it the more icky I feel about that choice. I think I’ll stay till the end of the summer and then move away when our lease expires here.

    So now I think my choices are go home or teach overseas. Both of those still feel good. Now I just need to find a job!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:54pm

  357. 357: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Kyla)))) Wow you are showing amazing strength and feminine grace.

    Well done you. xx

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:54pm

  358. 358: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Kyla,

    When is your move?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:55pm

  359. 359: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, try – ‘Its complicated’… or ‘Marley and Me’.

    You are thinking and planning ahead and thinking of you and that is GREAT. You are so strong.

    I’m glad the options of moving home or teaching abroad feel good to you.

    Good to be productive and also important to be gentle with yourself atm.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 1:59pm

  360. 360: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    More cut and paste

    “You show a man where you want to go, then you relax and CREATE THE SPACE for him to take you there, but you don’t fill the space for him. This way, a man can feel like he’s the one who pursued you, and you can feel more relaxed knowing that the date was “his” idea. Because the LAST thing you want to be doing or feeling is that you’re somehow “chasing” the guy.

    So anyhow.

    Here’s an example of how you might do this. You might say something like, “You seem like a great guy. I’d love to get to know you better. Here’s my number. If you were to ask me out for tea sometime, I’d say yes.”

    Here’s the caveat for this technique:

    It’s NOT backleading when you’re calling him all the time, texting him to meet you somewhere, complaining that he doesn’t call you enough, or pushing him to “make good” on a suggestion that you two do something together.

    That’s not backleading.

    That’s CONVINCING, and it’s a total turnoff for a man if he’s not yet sure where the relationship is headed.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:00pm

  361. 361: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 354 I guess we are different in that aspect. I had something similar recently where he actually invited me and I chose not to go. Don’t want to be hanging around someone I am romantically attracted to unless it is a date.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:03pm

  362. 362: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I mean, if you think the “relationship is over”
    because he didn’t call or pay closer attention to
    you, he’s going to wonder how you’re going to
    handle it when bigger, more challenging things
    happen in the future.” (CCarter via FW)

    This kinda fits in with the fears I’ve been having. When is “not paying closer attention to you” a legitimate problem (where your needs are not being met in the relationship) as opposed to something you just need to accept?

    I have been thinking about what happened with my ex-h and I realize I feel afraid of getting into a new relationship where I will again feel that my feelings aren’t being cared for and respected.

    I feel afraid that ex-h is “as good as it gets” and that All relationships eventually get to the point ours got to… and that I am in error to think that a different man will give me a different kind of relationship.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:05pm

  363. 363: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Kyla what struck me was “talking with R lots”. I know it is your life but it seem to me like the sadness might be connected with the subject of the talks. If you consciously shifted to subject to something that feels good to you it might help as well as create some inspiration for him. Is there anything you are looking forward to in Canada? for instance.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:07pm

  364. 364: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, I’d say drop the alien thing if you don’t feel comfortable or natural saying it.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:07pm

  365. 365: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 362 Lucy this reminds me of what tinque always says about bringing it back to me. What are you not giving yourself?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:08pm

  366. 366: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 364 LG I love the alien thing. As a matter of fact I plan to use it with someone who has disappeared for months the next time he reappears.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:10pm

  367. 367: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel afraid that my hopes for relationship are “unrealistic.”

    I feel myself holding back a little from New Guy bc of this.

    I am thinking: Maybe he will eventually not cherish my feelings too. Then what?

    I don’t want to have a “broken home”… step-father for my kids, etc., if it’s just gonna end up with the same kind of pain as it would’ve staying with their father.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:10pm

  368. 368: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 367 Reminds me of another coach saying expectations are the mother of disaster. How about just living in the moment and enjoying it?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:14pm

  369. 369: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    365 FW. I’m not sure what you mean. I don’t feel at all dependent on a man emotionally – my concern is having a man disregard my feelings when in a relationship… doing things that are upsetting to me and not caring, etc. Or neglecting me to the point where I feel like I need another man.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:15pm

  370. 370: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    In other words, being in a relationship that feels worse than being alone.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:16pm

  371. 371: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: I like the alien thing too as long as it comes out as light-hearted and natural.

    I’m finding your posts very helpful.

    Sitting with it and letting these concepts sink in.

    This one blows my mind…

    “A man will unconsciously detach and become MORE
    focused on work and his responsibilities and LESS
    focused on you when he’s feeling more serious
    about you. He will be more “inside his head”
    thinking about how you will fit into his life. When this happens, he can often seem to be less affectionate and loving, and it can be a little
    confusing for a woman, to say the least.
    Your worries and fears will make him feel like
    he’s FAILING in trying to be a good partner to you.”

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:20pm

  372. 372: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    368. FW. Hmm, I am feeling… frustrated, I guess, because I am thinking that I am not being understood. (Sorry if that is a lame FM… suggestions for a better one, anyone?)

    Expectations that undermine relationships, I think, are different from wanting a relationship where you are cared for and not neglected.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:22pm

  373. 373: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I am enjoying and living in the moment with him to a large extent… but he is doing a lot of “future talk” and that’s why these fears are coming up. He is quite serious about me. I don’t want to end up in another marriage like my first one… If it’s gonna end up the same, I’d rather it suck in a marriage to my kids’ father than suck in a marriage to someone new.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:26pm

  374. 374: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – Have you seen the first season of Glee? It’s on streaming, and not only is it mostly funny, the talent is phenomenal.

    The Swimsuit Issue about a male synchronized swim team is good.

    Dirty Sexy Money, another TV series with Donald Sutherland is really good with lots of humor.

    Leverage is another series but very funny.

    Lie To Me, another series is awesome.

    You might like Sunshine Cleaning.

    Farce of the Penguins is cute and funny.

    I hope one of these will help you feel better.


    Ladies In Lanvender is not a comedy but such a great movie, heartwarming.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:31pm

  375. 375: how to get over a guyNo Gravatar says:

    this is a great article

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:34pm

  376. 376: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling fear and maybe some mistrust Lucy is not uncommon and almost to be expected. Can you try to stay in the moment, moment by moment, and just see what unfolds?


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:35pm

  377. 377: Lily T.No Gravatar says:


    I like the musical Mama Mia as a “feel good” movie.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:39pm

  378. 378: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I read some of the AG n Dolores convo up there, and that felt really weird.

    Umm..I guess I was angry when I commented about how I feel sick of certain behavior from guys. I feel super upset about D, sorry I aimed my negativity your way. I feel triggered and am having a hard time communicating. I guess all I want to say is thanks for helping me see how my own inner violence is received by innocent bystanders.

    I do feel angry and upset. I see that I disrespected him, and so now I can’t tell if this is really a relationship I don’t want to be in or if I just screwed up a good thing….

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:40pm

  379. 379: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    a good thing being a relationship in progress, where both people have some healing and growing to do. I wonder if we could have done it together. I cut out of the relationship while we were still together cause I was silently judging him, and sometimes complaining about him here. But I wasn’t able to effectively communicate with him to create a better relationship. I feel like I’m milking the situation for all it’s worth, in terms of learning, and that’s good. But now I feel good to refocus on living in the moment.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:43pm

  380. 380: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I feel like with each dude that poofs, it allows us to refine our boundaries and don’t wants just a tad bit tighter…allowing even BETTER men to show up.

    I like this about him, but I didn’t like that. I desire this in a man with whom I am in relationship, but not that…

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:45pm

  381. 381: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I came to the blog because I was thinking and asking myself…why do you want a man?

    I have my own place
    I already have a child
    I support myself
    I Love myself.

    I want a man because I want to feel his skin near mine; I want a man because I want him to admire me, to kiss my shoulders.
    I want him to enjoy being with me, to cherish my nonsense.
    I want a man who can see the details of my face, and enjoy them!

    I want to love a man who can love me…

    For that reason I am not going to have sex without love anymore, this is not a self righteous decision, but I have had meaningless sex before and that is something I can get anytime without effort. But these men will not and have not LOVED me.

    It has been over six months without sex and I can have my own orgasms. I want to feel what it is to have sex with a man who really loves me.

    This is not about manipulation or morals, people are free to make their own choices and sex is wonderful; I am just tired of having just sex, I want more.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:46pm

  382. 382: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    i had a dream where i was spending mucho time with Sexy CD . and it felt fun and exciting just like the phone call…

    he had to hide from the police and make it to the eastbay

    and i kept trying to figure out buses for him to take

    he wound up and i did too going to the house where Hawkman lives

    Hawkman was around and there was tension

    Hawkman brought me some pot…

    but i felt guilty around Hawkman

    and i felt very horny and i wanted to do it with SexyCD

    but when sexy cd went outside hawkman was around’
    and we were eating fried fish from the stove

    that a girl was cooking

    and i just felt a sad drainy vibe from Hawkman that i obviously felt interested in this other man

    i felt like Hawkman was my boyfriend

    i was also having to keep reminding myself to lean back and not get in boy mode

    the dream felt VERY real

    i now VERY MUCH miss Sexy CD


    i feel kinda turned off to Hawkman

    he sent me a sexy text this morning but it was more about asking what i think of him sexually

    it just feels like effort to say yes i did love it

    i enjoyed the sex, not sure if i Loved it… i did love it … i guess

    i just know i feel annoyed

    and im like ….

    youre not making any plans to see me… were just dating

    so why do ihave to act like a gf and give you approval and contact with texts and phone calls


    i know i was just talking about how i dont contact men any more

    but i REALLY want to call up Sexy CD right now

    and i kinda want to call up Handsome Man too



    whats the point, they are both pressuring me for sex without dates’
    and without me feeling like they totally honor me

    on the other hand ?Hawkman does honor me however i feel annoyed that he is not making plans to see me and is just calling me and texting me…

    wait he idndt even call yesterday

    just text all day

    its keeping me attached

    i dont usualy text/ call with men between dates

    i just want dates

    not lots of text calling

    im feeling sad

    pouty face

    i love my pouty face

    i feel urgency

    i love my urgency

    im feeling so RUSHED!

    im going to Romania in 5 days

    well to NY and then Romania

    i wish i had worry free travel abilities and was just able to be like

    oh im flying first class tomorrow

    and coming back whenever i want

    without having it be a big deal

    i love my sad ,dissapointed feeligs

    i keep on thinking of Hawkman as my boyfriend

    i feel so disappointed and confused and weird and bad that Pleaser hasnt contacted me

    i thought we had an awesome connection and he was even gonna help me with my credit

    shoot i was going to have sex with him!

    but he totally hasnt contacted and did not follow up that day he said he was gonna take me out

    i wonder if he wants me to contact?

    i know he’s not dead or anything bec last night i checked his page just for that purpose and he had last logged in 10 hours before


    i now got a call from my guy friend that lives around here

    and we will meet up soon ! yay!

    i find myself in boy mode with him mucho “lets hangout”

    and i can practice on that

    and also i have a CD set up for an hour ago, and i think he called me

    but i dont really feel up to it right this second

    i will call him back later i think

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:51pm

  383. 383: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Actually I like the alien thing too…

    “Hey J. Were you abducted by aliens? … has invited me to come clubbing with you guys on … in … Sounds fun and I feel interested to come and I feel more comfortable t accept knowing everything is cool between us”.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:53pm

  384. 384: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Loneplum – thank you for sharing your experience with the argile clay! awesome i now believe in it and will try it out soon

    as an update, my ankle burn is now already showing fresh, healed, unscarred regular skin… yay!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 2:57pm

  385. 385: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I bought myself some vine ripened strawberries, a healthy takeout dinner (because I really don’t feel like cooking today) and a single beautiful cupcake for a treat.

    I am losing too much weight because of stress and wanted to have some healthy (but hearty) things that will stick to my hips 😉

    Now I will find a nice movie to watch and put my feet up. I will be gentle with myself and see how I feel. If I want to I will do some resumes/cover letters later with a more positive energy.

    I love me. I deserve good food. My body and mind deserve a break. Baby steps.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:04pm

  386. 386: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Looking forward to it!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:07pm

  387. 387: MelNo Gravatar says:

    How’s the ear Lillybelly?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:10pm

  388. 388: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    ****Applause, Cheers and Roaring from this peanut gallery****

    I’m searching Netflix for a good movie too. I’m currently watching the third season of “Weeds” but am feeling a bit melancholy so searching for a good heart tugger. Weeds may be a better choice, it cracks me up but has some seriously foul language. Not that it bothers me since my second language is “Truckers Mouth”. 😉

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:10pm

  389. 389: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Awww Mel~ Thanks for asking! I grounded myself to my home this weekend to take care of me and it. I got some natural ear drops…Wally’s Ear Oil, that was recommended to me by LD and it seems to be helping to open the canal. I can’t quite get it to start draining but it isn’t quite so red and swollen on the outside. When I stick the antibiotic drops in, I am able to feel them a bit more and it isn’t plugging up so much. I think it’s improving.

    I did make the appointment to see the ENT but it isn’t until Wednesday. I am so chicken about this and it’s so dumb. I had a effing bone marrow biopsy last I figure if I can get through that, I sure as he)) should be able to get through a little bit of ear roto rootering…

    I’m taking care of me too. :-)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:14pm

  390. 390: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Not that it bothers me since my second language is “Truckers Mouth”.


    I love weeds! Haven’t seen the latest season though!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:15pm

  391. 391: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    OMG! Today has been unreal. LP, the kids, and I all went to lunch and shopping for several hours today! I joked at the end of our outing about maybe not hearing from him for a while and how that would make me feel. Well he called already “just to say hi”. Feeling so great today!!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:17pm

  392. 392: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I just got asked out by a female-hating UFC prize fighter.

    I said yes, lol…only cuz we been friends for a long time, and i bet i would be triggered as hell on a date with him, and would have fun to a certain extent.

    and anyway i need to get my CD’s up! and i want to date big built guys! thank you universe!

    although, he is the most built up human being i’ve ever seen with my own eyes.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:18pm

  393. 393: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Seriously, it makes me laugh out loud.

    Did you ever watch Nip/Tuck?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:20pm

  394. 394: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I love Nip/Tuck!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:21pm

  395. 395: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I did too!!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:25pm

  396. 396: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    It feels so good to be asked out!

    Though I wish it were “my guy”

    It seems as though he actually is taking space this time. for once. it feels awkward as hell. uncomfortable…

    but this is what i wanted. time and space for things to develop normally. not just a lusty whirlwind, but a real life, with a game plan, values established, consistency…security. mmm security feels so yummy!

    i could never hear from him again, and that has to be okay!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:29pm

  397. 397: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    this site has a lot free streaming! it links to mostly chinese streaming sites. I’ve used this site for years and am very happy with it.

    i watch weeds and nip tuck on there, among many other shows.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:30pm

  398. 398: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    time to go out for the night…have a great night everyone!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:34pm

  399. 399: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my dear Sirens!

    I can’t keep up with all the convo’s… Let alone start getting off my chest what I want to get off my chest by writing here.
    Oh well, tomorrow is a new day :)
    I want to sleep, it is 0035 here now.

    Anyway, I think this TEDtalk by Nicole Daedone on female orgasm is awesome!
    Enjoy :);Most-popular

    XXX Marina

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 3:37pm

  400. 400: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I can totally relate to what you’ve been going through. It feels VERY frustrating when men poof. I’ve had a few men recently that have poofed after I spoke the truth (in feeling messages but still). For example one man I had been out with a few times (and had a great time with) suddenly showed up for the date and seemed distant, angry and just being kind of inconsiderate (cursing a lot and just not using basic table manners). These things really trigger me so I said “I feel uncomfortable” and just left it at that. He responded with (totally shocked me) how he struggles with severe depression and alcoholism and has been suicidal and on disability in the past– and that he’s been feeling some of those tendencies creep back lately. It was a nice discussion actually. I’ve struggled with depression in the past so we could relate. I never heard from him after that date which deep down didn’t surprise me. It still felt confusing because to me it felt like a victory because #1 I spoke the truth about feeling uncomfortable rather than sit there and be polite and later think he was a jerk which I would have done in the past and #2 I actually had an intimate conversation with another human being (one that in the grand scheme I barely knew making it all the more amazing). Yet despite all this it still felt bad when he didn’t call me (wondered if maybe I should have kept my mouth shut). This despite the fact that I sensed he and I were probably not in the same place. I agree with what LG was saying about pursuing relationships rather than particular men. I (and maybe you too???) see these intimate moments as positive and successful because I want a “relationship” and I know that discussing anything difficult or expressing anger has been difficult for me in the past. I know what you mean though about it sometimes feeling like one step forward two steps back. I’m going to stick with it though because I believe that eventually I will meet a man who can handle my truth. Also I remember once hearing Rori say we grieve our old lives even if we know deep down we want to move on to something bigger and better. I’ve been working on not drinking and trying to eat more healthy too, and plus I’m older than you so I am really wanting to move out of the singles “bar” scene and in to the “family happily married” scene but sometimes it feels terrifying and sad because I’ve had so much fun being single, it’s all I’ve known, and it means change and that feels terrifying. Hope all this rambling makes sense. I think you’re doing wonderfully.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:16pm

  401. 401: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    A guy came to visit me at my job, a first in person meeting, after emailing back and forth for a couple weeks. (Met him on a dating site, where I rockstarred and made the first contact.) We spent about 15 minutes or so talking and laughing.

    When I got home, I found an email from him asking me for a date! He said “you have awesomeness and positivity emanating from you in so many ways.”

    Yay me!! I feel so smiley!!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:18pm

  402. 402: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    so in my ongoing experiment that i call my life..

    my new “tricks” i am trying

    I wish to NEVER EVER give advice again to anyone. seriously. why would anyone need my advice? wtf. i feel very excited about this new plan of action.

    AND i no longer wish to complain incessantly inside my head. yada yada yada ALL DAMN DAY. look i am doing it right now. i am complaining about how i complain. STOP. NO MORE.

    and finally. appreciation. this, i believe, is my KEY to my happiness. I am sure of it.

    YAE! I feel excited. but it feels super advanced for me. esp that complaining thing. ikes. i will REALLY need to be IN THE MOMENT and being authentic and expressing and appreciating so there will be no need to complain later and mull it over for four days in my head. lol.


    dorothea i feel appreciative of our interaction last night. i felt very scared and anxious because i was expressing things i usually run away from. but i actually feel more compassion and connection to you now and i feel hopeful it is not a permanent rift between us. i understand now how you could have felt misinterpretted and misunderstood.

    gina – thank you. i felt unsure and awkward to share my feelings on that.

    i feel kind of awkward right in this present moment also and i feel a DEEP URGE TO ERASE THIS before posting. to say nothing. to not commuicate. to be alone rather than make mistakes with people. argh.

    well, i am opting for messy communication rather than no communication. ew. i feel ew. i am contradicting my pattern of isolating in order to not form bonds with people and it’s feeling a little “ew”.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:27pm

  403. 403: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl, You helped me so much yesterday. Your advice is great!!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:32pm

  404. 404: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Feeling fear and maybe some mistrust Lucy is not uncommon and almost to be expected. Can you try to stay in the moment, moment by moment, and just see what unfolds?” (Tinque)

    Thanks Tinque. Feels good to think this is “normal.” If you have other insights about what I shared I would love to hear them.

    I would appreciate hearing thoughts from other Sirens about this too. FW, I do appreciate what you wrote, and I’m sorry if I was abrupt in the way I responded to you. <3

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:35pm

  405. 405: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl, I love your post.

    Luzydel, I love yours too.

    I feel grateful for everyone here. <3

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:38pm

  406. 406: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – I gave this some thought – how to tell if it’s you or it’s a toxic man. It’s inevitably about you and what triggers, meaning it’s time to go inside and see what’s up, what needs to be addressed, what needs healing.

    I have come to this though though. When you feel complete indifference to the person and still prefer to not be in his company, then you’ve likely healed and he’s the toxic one.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:47pm

  407. 407: DENo Gravatar says:

    Okay, Sirens…I felt in love with this song and video…

    here is some Motivation for u to go out there and CD…:)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:50pm

  408. 408: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Marina – thank you for that TED talk post on orgasm

    i love how she describes her exeperience… and i plan to tell Hawkman about it cuz he can be a little rough

    i am going to have him concentrate on me for 15 min, and describe my pussy to me hehe

    and then i will have him put his thumb on the opening part

    and touch my clit in the 1 o clock position

    and i will tell him to touch his eyelid and touch my clit in the same way he did his eyelid

    ohhhh that so ooo helps! yay!!!

    the eyelid thing is great!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 4:52pm

  409. 409: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Can’t the fear about GREAT NEW GUY be a couple of things here?

    He’s really, REALLY stepping up. Not used to this happening so it can feel scary.


    Could it be also that you are simply afraid of chosing wrong?

    I have to agree with Tinque. I would feel concerned if there wasn’t just a bit of hesitation..I know I would be if it were me. Nervous and a bit scared. I don’t know that I would think I haven’t completely healed yet although that certainly could be true.

    I would feel even more concerned if these feelings you are experiencing right now caused you to stop seeing him. I wish I knew more about him but I have a feeling, a strong one, that he can help you through this.

    What say you, Luce?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:05pm

  410. 410: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I wish I knew more about him but I have a feeling, a strong one, that he can help you through this.” (Lilybelle)

    My eyes popped open wide when I read this. Wow. See, he’s very wise, perceptive, intuitive, spiritual, etc etc and he realy Wants to help me through all my fears and concerns. I am allowing him to, up to a point. I don’t want to dump everything on him, don’t want to place pressure on him, don’t want to become emotionally dependent on him. But Yes… you must be picking up on something intuitively there, Lilybelly. I can’t say specifics, but he is amazingly tuned in to me… and seems to care deeply.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:24pm

  411. 411: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Pondering outloud about what AG said about not giving advice in order to figure out what works for me…

    I feel energized when I share what I would do in a situation or share my experiences or something I’ve heard that might be helpful.

    I feel depleted and sometimes angry when I have expectations around how the other person is going to receive my sharing.

    Sharing feels good to me because it helps me to get clear on situations without have the emotional charge of being directly involved with it.

    That feels good.

    I usually feel bad when I give my romantic partner advice.

    When I give advice to man friends, I notice that I feel an energy shift in our dynamic.

    I guess for me it boils down to my expectations and the situation.

    Whew! I feel more relaxed. I was feeling tense imagining myself commiting to never ever ever giving advice. Although I don’t really see myself as giving advice, rather sharing my experiences and perceptions without expecting anything to come of it.

    When I do offer something that feels uplifting to someone else, I feel really really happy and satisfied and like I am contributing to joy in the world.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:25pm

  412. 412: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    About the stepping up thing… Yes, he’s the first guy I’ve liked post-marriage who has really stepped up…. BUT – my ex-h stepped up strong and fast when we were dating too! So that scares me. :(

    The only thing is, there was an incident during the time we were sending out wedding invitations that raised a red flag for me about him not really caring about my feelings. I called off the wedding but within days he and our friend had convinced me to go through with it. :(

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:29pm

  413. 413: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I met a really handsome man yesterday who I felt comfortable around–and I wanted to kiss him. He told me he wants to go out again and that he would call me. Even texted me later to say he had a fun time. I texted him back but was on my way out the door to another date so had to keep it short (didn’t respond with any of my own questions to keep the conversation going-just answered his). NOw I feel worried he wanted to start a conversation and I was short. This was just last evening so I want to tell myself this is just my insecurity speaking–I love my insecurity. Surely he would understand I may have plans on a Friday night and also texting is hard to communicate well. I went on another date that evening. Nice man. I felt happy because we both discussed we want the same things (family) but I didn’t feel a romantic connection. I told him I would go out with him again. Trying not to laser focus on the first guy though. Going out with my friend in the city tonight. My goal is to lean back and flirt…feeling nervous and frankly a bit “why the heck am i doing this i feel exhausted of all this crap.” I’m wondering if this is a signal i need to be nice to myself and know that it’s ok for my boy energy to chill on occasion. i tend to feel like i have to keep my schedule constantly booked…I intend to make time to just feel my feelings and be. I’m so glad I have so many good role models on this forum. Thank you :-)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:33pm

  414. 414: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Also I’ve noticed that I’ve stopped giving advice to people who I think NEED it. The fact that I think they need it is a big clue to me.

    I feel much better when I realize that they don’t nned it. The answers will come to them in one way or another.

    But when I am sharing just for the fun of sharing, that feels like communion and connection and juicy sisterliness which I love.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:34pm

  415. 415: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque, I think what this revealed that needs healing is mostly the pain of my feelings and needs not being understood and valued by my mom when I was growing up, and then my ex-h who is very much like mom. I don’t blame them, in a way, bc my feelings and needs are kind of atypical, quirky… and they can’t help it that they don’t understand. So I can forgive them… and I’ve worked through a lot of this from childhood, so I don’t know what else to do to heal it further. How can I heal it so that it won’t disrupt relationships? And what does it mean – if I was completely healed, ex-h would have cared about my feelings???? Or he still wouldn’t have, but it wouldn’t faze me bc we’re no longer married?

    But what about the hurt of what he actually did? The loss I experienced because of his actions? How could my healing have prevented that loss?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:37pm

  416. 416: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Would I have just grieved the loss without having any anger toward him?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:38pm

  417. 417: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m at a trunk show right now and there are beautiful clothes. I had to step outside and relax because I was feeling overwhelmed. I felt unable to make a clear decision.

    I feel relaxed now and I have a plan for what I’m going to buy…a beautiful fitted corset-like leather vest, a simple red cotton sundress, a cabaret style red and black vest for performing in, and if I have enough cash left over I will buy the yummy smelling essential oil.

    I feel a little extravagant because I don’t really need any new clothes but I will treat myself. Other than the sundress, these are all unique pieces that I will be able to wear for years to come.

    I feel excited! Okay, headed back in!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:40pm

  418. 418: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “When you feel complete indifference to the person and still prefer to not be in his company, then you’ve likely healed and he’s the toxic one. ” (Tinque)

    Tinque, can you explain this part a little more?

    Why would we feel indifference to a person who is Toxic? Wouldn’t we feel yucky around a toxic person?

    If we do feel indifferent, why would we mind being in his company?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:41pm

  419. 419: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @410: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…When I do offer something that feels uplifting to someone else, I feel really really happy and satisfied and like I am contributing to joy in the world….”

    You are contributing to joy in the world… 😀

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:44pm

  420. 420: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, I do feel a little uncomfortable spending this much money. I feel better though committing to myself that I will go home and get some work done and bring more income in.

    And I feel happy that I look super hot in all the items I’m going to buy.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:44pm

  421. 421: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes on #415 Lucy. No one can meet your needs but you. A man can share with you, enrich your life, take you deeper than you can alone, yet you would be whole and complete onto yourself. It just feels so damn good being able to have someone else there along for the ride.

    I don’t think we are ever completely healed, but when you can heal alongside someone who gets this and get it too, the “missteps” can pass by almost unnoticed, even laughed about in a “aren’t humans funny creatures” kind of way.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:45pm

  422. 422: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    This feels scary to admit, Luce…BUT I have really strong feelings about him…in my gut kinda feelings about him and it’s kinda scary. I have NO idea who he is or what he is about but I feel him.

    I believe that you are completely safe to open up all that you fear with him. And he will continue to SHOW you that you are safe with him.

    I want you to feel confident in that. Based on what?My gut? It feels so bizarre to me and I just can’t explain it.

    As far as your ex-h. Can you be okay with “everyone did the best they could at the time”? That really seems to help me with healing some of the past crap, mostly in forgiving myself but it really does help.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:45pm

  423. 423: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Most of the time now I Do feel indifferent around him. We had been getting along well and I could take him or leave him….

    Until he did this thing that brought such sorrow and dismay… and bewilderment as to Why he did it.

    I was kinda in shock and very very confused.

    And then got angry … bc he didn’t seem to care about my loss.

    What do you think, Tinque/others?

    And afterwards I felt so sad that our “getting along” days were now gone.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:46pm

  424. 424: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    YAY LG~ This is so fun, you hot Siren you!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:47pm

  425. 425: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #398 thank you, marina!

    after watching the video:

    1) i have a desire to have sex. right now. with another person. and feel connected. and orgasm.

    2) i felt like WHOA –that women just felt brave to me.

    i feel a litle inhibited in the sex department & about orgasms… and she is just up there, nonchalant, like she’s talking about kitchen cupboards.

    yae! i loved it! thanks for sharing!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:49pm

  426. 426: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    You would feel indifference because this person just can’t affect you either way, positively or negatively. You can look at this person’s toxicity with compassion and know that you can’t help, and this is okay. This person will get it or not, and it’s not up to you. It’s up to them.

    You wouldn’t mind being in their company, you would just prefer to be around people who add to you life, make it feel better or encourage you to grow even more.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:49pm

  427. 427: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @413: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…I feel much better when I realize that they don’t nned it. The answers will come to them in one way or another. …”

    I realize “need” is relative but one of the ways answers come to people is sometimes ten years later during the divorce. IMHO I’d rather have an answer now than after ten years of bungling along and being less happy.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:55pm

  428. 428: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    420 Tinque. So… if I hadn’t gotten angry, and had just stayed with the sorrow and crying… and he continued to ignore me like he was doing…

    what would that mean?

    Would it mean he doesn’t care about my feelings but we could still have a good marriage…. or…

    Would it mean he is toxic and I deserve someone else who will care… and it’s possible to have someone who will care?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:59pm

  429. 429: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    I’ve been through little Google Hell today. I deleted my riff here on Rori blog… I think I did, did I? … stuff was getting crazy. So many e-mails back and forth.

    I am so darn stubborn…


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 5:59pm

  430. 430: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower re 399,

    Is feels great to know that you can relate to me!

    Yes I feel like I am ‘grieving’ for parts of my old life as I gradually make changes… and other bits happen naturally.

    It really helps to pay attention to what feels good and use that to hone up will I do and don’t want – v interesting.

    What I hve noticed for me is that sometimes when I start getting attachement feelings over a guy, esp if it looks like I might be developing an imaginary relationship, it is actually not about the guy at all.

    Its me hashing out my issues through the medium of a pretend relationship…

    Woohoo I love my creativity in finding ways to heal… and I don’ want to ‘dump’ my stuff on another person…

    So I can work on my stuff about my pretend relationship all by myself… and here on the blog.

    And actually that feels pretty good.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:04pm

  431. 431: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know why I’m questioning this so much – even before this incident, he was pretty clear that he doesn’t want an actual relationship with me or anyone else.

    I guess bc I was the one who asked for the divorce I still feel responsible for the marriage ending… so I’m second-guessing myself, wondering if it doesn’t get any better anyway.

    But does that even matter if he’s not trying to pursue relationship with me?

    He even said last week that he will be happy for me if I find someone else bc I deserve to have the relationship I want. So He’s fine with me moving on….

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:04pm

  432. 432: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I totally understand you’re just working stuff out on the blog. I admire that about you and the other ladies and want to work up the courage to do that myself. I hope I didn’t come across like I thought you were totally distraught or needing my advice or anything…I guess I was kind of thinking out loud about my own stuff and then kind of relating it to your stuff. Whether it came across that way or not I don’t know… :-)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:09pm

  433. 433: MelNo Gravatar says:

    So I watched a movie, ate my delicious cupcake and strawberries, and am feeling a little better.

    I still don’t feel like working on those job applications. Why? Is this just too overwhelming for me right now? Why am I resisting?

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:10pm

  434. 434: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “You would feel indifference because this person just can’t affect you either way” (Tinque)

    But what about their actions that can affect us – such as if they steal money, or beat us, or trash the house? Wouldn’t these things affect us no matter how indifferent we are to the actual person when they are not doing destructive things to us or our belongings?

    I know I’m asking a lot of questions…. I just want to get this… thank you for your patience with me!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:12pm

  435. 435: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i feel a desire to reach out to a certain man

    so i can GET something from him (connection…ideally SEX!)

    i don’t want to reach out to people to GET things.

    or maybe connection is ok?

    no i feel a wanting to GET something not just a casual wanting to connect.

    i feel confused. but still, i am choosing not to reach out because i don’t feel clear. nonrockstar non goddess feeling.

    ah yes, i feel lonely and bored. ah. yes. thank you.
    not the best time to reach out.

    or is it?

    seriously. i feel like a kindergartner when it comes to socializing and human interactions.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:14pm

  436. 436: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @432: Mel says:
    “…So I watched a movie,…”

    Anything you’d recommend?


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:18pm

  437. 437: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 435

    It appears Netflix in Canada doesn’t have the same selection as in the US.

    I ended up watching “The Jane Austen Book Club” It was only okay. Not great. But it did allow me to kick back for a while. :)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:20pm

  438. 438: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe tonight is a 2-movie kinda night! Maybe if I just get this blah-ness out of my system I’ll be more productive tomorrow!

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:22pm

  439. 439: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    421 Lilybelle, Wow. wow. It would feel so good to be able to trust all that. I believe there is something to your gut feeling… maybe it is coming through your gut instead of mine bc mine is too muddied by fear. He really wants me to be able to trust him, but he is so accepting of the fact that I’m not there yet. I think he feels a little sad but okay about it.

    Thank you so much. I will tuck your words away in my heart and keep opening up… babysteps….

    Re: my divorce. I think it would be so much easier if he had initiated the divorce and was adamant about there being no chance in h*ll for reconciliation… or had found a new woman, etc. But he is very passive, so it always looks like he would go along with whatever…. (until of course he goes rogue like he did this week).

    Thanks. <3

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:25pm

  440. 440: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    I saw TJABC a couple years ago. It was cozy and sweet…made me want to start a reading club like that. Somebody mentioned the film on Twitter and there were a few book reading clubs that met on Twitter at the time.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:25pm

  441. 441: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey SLV,

    I’ve always wanted to be in a book club actually. It’s incredibly hard to find one that’s accepting new members. Maybe I’ll just have to start my own! 😉

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:28pm

  442. 442: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    After I returned stack of DVDs to library this afternoon and racking up the $45 in fines 😳 I was left with these three:

    I Am Love
    The Kids Are All Right
    A Good Year

    Which one should I watch tonight?


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:30pm

  443. 443: MelNo Gravatar says:

    According to IMDB:

    I am Love : 7/10
    The kids Are All Right 7.3/10
    A Good Year: 6.8/10

    Tough choice… I DO find Russell Crowe quite yummy though 😉

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:34pm

  444. 444: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @440: Mel

    Maybe something online, Twitter, FB, or forums but… those meetings looks so fun and cozy, didn’t they?

    Maybe you could start a group. That could be fun. I think there are also reading groups in Meetup dot com or perhaps if no Meet up dot com in your country there could be an equivalent group.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:35pm

  445. 445: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @442: Mel says:
    “…According to IMDB:…”

    I forgot about that. Maybe I’ll go watch the trailers and see which resonates with me. It’s been a rough day.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:38pm

  446. 446: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    I would think Lucy that if you have reached this place of indifference or peace inside around this person, you would also have set boundaries. This person wouldn’t be around to trash your house or steal your money because he would no longer be a part of your life.

    You are asking a lot of “what if” questions which do not serve you. Again I’m back to the moment by moment thing.

    Yet I will do my best to answer this.

    I’m thinking of a recent episode for me where my ex popped up out of seemingly nowhere to cyber stalk me and harass me on my blog. Yes I felt angry. But I have to say I felt more anger at myself for him still having any kind of hold on me at all.

    When it comes down to it, it only matters how I feel about me and my relationship with K. It doesn’t matter at all what the ex thinks or has taken away from those recent encounters. I couldn’t change his thinking anyway.

    I made the mistake of answering just once and only because I thought he needs to know that one of my cats of whom he was very fond had passed several months prior.

    How I handled from there was to ignore him, quietly delete his comments until I realized I could mark his correspondence as well as his blog comments as spam. He quickly tired of this and has not been heard from since.

    I suppose what I’m saying is that it would be unrealistic to be zen about bad behavior each and every time, yet you can still do your best to express your feelings, feel compassion for the pain this person must be so heavily burdened with, and move on.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:43pm

  447. 447: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Tinque, your example with your ex helps me understand what you’re saying. Very much so.

    The problem with boundaries in my situation is that we have kids that live with me in a house that he and I co-own. :/ If not for that, I would just not interact with him. But they’re his kids and his house just as much as they are mine. Ihh. Tough one.

    I appreciate your help. I feel clearer now… not 100% but much better than I did. :) <3

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 6:53pm

  448. 448: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    443 SLV I just discovered Meetup…haven’t attended anything yet but I’m excited to in the future! I never knew about this concept until recently! Such a cool thing…I am excited to find some new friends hopefully… :-)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 7:25pm

  449. 449: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    ugh…i’ve been having a rough day.
    feel sad and alone
    Why do I have bad dreams every morning when I’m waking up! ?

    I hate it.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 7:30pm

  450. 450: cedeepraNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson bad dreams are not necessarily prophetic, usually it just means you feel apphrehensive about the future based on the past and feeling alone. But not to worry, your past is “passed” and your future is not here yet, so pick at least one thing today that will make tomorrow a little better. Use the “gift” or present to create a better future. The “little betters” will build up gradually.

    You won’t be alone forever, it is just temporary.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:06pm

  451. 451: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    aha moment. the reason i am constantly adjusting what men are offering to me and making it “not enough” is because i want to CONTROL things so i can feel more comfortable.

    if he offers a last minute date, i want a formal one. if he offers formal, i wonder why he can’t just relax. if he wants to go here i want to go there. (this is all in my mind, not expressed to the poor man)

    tha sh*t is not real though. it is me trying to CONTROL the situation because i feel terrified.

    if he wants to come near me, i want him to go away. if he goes away i want him to come back.

    :( omfg.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:19pm

  452. 452: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    449 Thank you cedeepra.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:21pm

  453. 453: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i feel SO much more compassion for men (and myself) than ever before.

    esp any man that has ever attempted to date me.


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:23pm

  454. 454: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I feel inspired to share this with you in light of our conversation yesterday.

    My beloved said to me today “the thing I love most about you that those girls* don’t offer is that you inspire me to expand and be a better person.

    *talking about his ex and this friend of hers that always flirts with him


    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:36pm

  455. 455: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    There is so much that I feel inspired to respond to here yet my body and soul are begging for sleep.

    I’m going to lay down and watch an episode of The Office on netflix and then take a nap.

    I’m feeling very loving towards all of you right now.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 8:40pm

  456. 456: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I was told not too terrible long ago that I made *him* want to be a better person.

    It was one of the greatest compliments I have ever been given. I desire that again.

    Is that how you felt, LG??

    Hugs. OH and I always feel mad love for you. :-)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:08pm

  457. 457: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    450 @ alias girl

    I laughed after reading this post, not because it’s supposed to be funny, but you expressed how I feel almost to a tee…and it just made me chuckle.

    I think I’m overly critical and controlling at times.
    I feel curious about this part of myself.

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 9:56pm

  458. 458: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    447 Emerson

    I love Meetup. It is how I met poker player. :)

    Saturday, 9 July 2011 @ 11:34pm

  459. 459: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Alias girl, everything is all good

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:07am

  460. 460: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I miss my guy:(

    I ran into one of his friends at the bar tonight. he was acting a little funny. I felt like there was some secret about me that I didn’t know. Oh well. I was on my way out though so I kept it short and left.

    I miss my guy though:( wish he was here to hold me as I drift off to sleep.

    But really, he would fall asleep in 20 seconds and I would just feel pissed, lol.

    sigh. i hate this.

    i will feel better in the morning.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:09am

  461. 461: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    No I didn’t take it that you were giving any advice, and I LOVE Siren input anyway.

    When I said I can hash out my issues myself I meant that I don’t need to do them in a relatinship with a mna…

    :-) xxx

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:40am

  462. 462: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl re 450,

    Me too, lol. xx

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:42am

  463. 463: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    From Rori

    “Here’s a letter from Jane:

    *Rori, My marriage is dead.
    I am sad to say I don’t even know if I want to try and revive it.
    It seems impossible.
    I have changed so much after 19 years and I am a completely different woman and I feel I have outgrown him.
    We have 3 kids and that’s what keeps me here.
    I don’t have a job or a degree either and so I feel trapped. Jane*

    And here’s my answer:
    Basically – you’ve answered your own question.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:59am

  464. 464: PlumNo Gravatar says:


    “First – Getting a part time job, or working towards a degree or some training for a job or business you would like (you can do it online or in the evenings) is the steps that will make you feel the best.
    Once you are no longer so dependent on your husband and have something outside the home you’re interested in – things will change for you.

    This is basic “Purpose on the Planet” (from my friend Phyllis Chase, on my Commitment Blueprint program) exploration for you to do. 
    This is my *Out The Window* Tool.

    It’s absolutely essential to have your own life, your own happiness, before you can connect or reconnect with another person.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:00am

  465. 465: PlumNo Gravatar says:


    “It builds your confidence. 
    It makes you feel grounded. 
    It changes your *vibe* hugely and quickly.

    Being focused on your children isn’t enough
    (I know – I fell into that one myself – which is why I found myself up all night nearly every night writing my novels. 
    I had a *calling* – and so do YOU). 
    This is about you’re exploring what it is you love to do, what makes you feel good inside, and then DOING that thing and discovering how to do it, and the pure sheer enjoyment of it.

    And as you enjoy what you’re doing (and yes – this is in a Masculine *doing* sense) you’ll start to feel successful in your life – and – something happens then. 
    You start to become successful out in the world!

    This is where you find WORK that has to do with what you feel GOOD at, and what you enjoy.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:00am

  466. 466: PlumNo Gravatar says:


    “My husband is a business coach for entrepreneurs, and I know from watching him and following his work and teleclasses that ALL of us so easily pigeon-hole ourselves. 
    We are almost WIRED to be STUCK.  Stuck in all kinds of ways.

    We find it hard to MOVE.  We find it hard to get out of our comfort zones, even though those comfort zones are all about PAIN.

    My Tools are baby-steps to get you moving out of that comfort zone slowly, and then as quickly as you can – so you’re leaping out of it and discovering some real joy in that.

    My husband’s clients instinctively don’t want to *do the work* required to become successful – and that’s why he coaches – his job is to light a fire under a business *wanna-be* and hold their hand and take them through the process of getting a good job that pleases them or starting a business that actually makes money.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:00am

  467. 467: PlumNo Gravatar says:


    “if you feel unsuccessful at that – if you have no means of supporting yourself, it so totally damages your self-esteem, that all we feel towards a man who’s supporting us financially but not giving us what we need emotionally is RESENTMENT – right along with feeling grateful.
    And that’s just a majorly horrific combo: resentment/gratefulness.

    In an atmosphere of resentment (that we desperately try to balance by tuning into our gratefulness) – we completely BLOCK all emotional connection. 
    We just can’t break through the wall of fear we put up for ourselves – that even an honest CONVERSATION with a man could lead to disaster.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:01am

  468. 468: PlumNo Gravatar says:


    “People would rather cheat on their spouses than truthfully talk about what’s going on in the marriage.

    That really shows you where the fear is. 
    Even the most brave of us – where love and security is concerned – would often rather lie than take a chance with the truth.

    And the lie destroys our sense of well-being.

    Jane – you’re living a lie, and that’s making you feel horrible.

    Whether you’ve actually *outgrown* your husband is not even the point, here.
    Sometimes, I think I’m more *evolved* than my husband. 
    And then we sit down and have a deep conversation about a difficult issue – and I’m just so amazed at the depth of his insight and willingness to participate  that I fall in love all over again.
    It’s sort of – I have my specialties. 
    But I have my weaknesses, too – the comfort zones where I’d rather hang out and be *judgmental* of everyone else because I’m afraid to feel what I feel or to express what i feel.

    And I can tell you honestly, that if I use the right, truthful words, and I really speak what I FEEL instead of what I *think* – amazing things happen.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:01am

  469. 469: PlumNo Gravatar says:


    “Often, we have a wall up with a person without even knowing we have a wall up with that person (I know this is true for me) – and when we sink into our own feelings and then speak from there – that wall comes down, and we discover we actually DO have a connection with that person.

    You are still there, in that marriage – for some reason.
    You are being kept there by not having found work that pleases you and pays you, or going to school, or taking some kind of classes to get a degree or real information that would HELP you find work that pleases you.
    Perhaps you are there until you can find that work that pleases you.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:01am

  470. 470: PlumNo Gravatar says:


    “Perhaps you are there until you can break through that wall of judgment and disconnection and FEEL again.
    Perhaps you are there until you can FEEL, and then SPEAK your feelings.
    Perhaps you are there until the energy shifts enough for you to be able to physically touch him in a connected way, and for him to feel invited to touch you.

    Once you’ve worked with these ideas, you’ll have a whole NEW set of options. 
    You won’t feel so trapped and stuck.

    You can CHOOSE this marriage or choose another option.

    Often, we stop feeling.
    We stop feeling, and we stop talking.
    And we stop touching.
    And we just don’t know how to start again.
    We fall off our horse and don’t have the energy or the will to climb back on. 
    So we just stand there.
    We walk in circles, day in and day out.
    We feel paralyzed, and then we feel comfortable feeling paralyzed.
    Everything comes to a standstill.

    The Tools and ideas here are a start for you to put some grease in the moving parts of your life, and some juice in the engine.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:02am

  471. 471: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    09 and last

    “Your horse is there.  Waiting patiently, stirrups ready.

    The landscape is new and uncharted before you. Go.

    Let me know how this works for you, Love, Rori”

    written by Rori Raye 
    Monday, 13 April 2009 @ 12:26pm

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:02am

  472. 472: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Ladies,

    I am feeling a bit more Siren-esq today.

    I am considering just accepting the clubbing invitin without even contacting J at all.

    So that would look like just accepting the invite form the girl ad showing up on the night to have a fun night.

    I might ask her if I can go and meet up with her first so that I don’t hve to show up to the group on my own.

    Think I am going to do it.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:02am

  473. 473: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Spent time w hawkman – am noticing patterns and behaviors and fears on my part, all familiar

    Am noticing how it feeling good triggers me to worry that it’s Gina go bad

    Told him I wanted to see him everyday

    Goodnite Feelin sleepy

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:16am

  474. 474: Lily T.No Gravatar says:

    Sounds good to me Ella.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:21am

  475. 475: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Remember that CD about a month ago who told me that I was unattractive but he was trying to be “open”.

    I JUST received a message from him asking my how I’m doing.

    Really???? Thoughts for a response, Sirens?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 7:49am

  476. 476: PlumNo Gravatar says:


    “”I am doing great, thank you, enjoying dating, basking in the gentlemen’s compliments.
    I love the world, full of young generous self assured handsome men.. “”


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 7:58am

  477. 477: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lilybelle,

    I think I would say, “I feel turned off after being told I was unattractive.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 7:58am

  478. 478: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    LOVE it!

    I’ll try it.

    Brenda, I’d like to tell him what I REALLY think. :-)

    I continue to be surprised…

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:07am

  479. 479: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    It feels good to be back here…the internet is finally fixed. I have been CDing my little heart out, sorta. Or let me say that there is a man at my church with whom I’ve been getting acquainted for months, and Friday I think I became aware that he is attracted to me!

    It’s hard to know even still…I don’t make assumptions, because most of the single men in my church are young enough to be my sons! But this one just found out Friday night, at a dinner at someone’s house, that I’m 47. He seemed really surprised, saying he thought I was MUCH younger. :-) He talked with me for about 45 min, then came back and chatted with me another half hour or so, after he knew my age…so I asked him his age. He’s 32, the same age as Ryan.

    And I think a 15 year difference is very doable, and now I feel flattered. And I would date him in a heartbeat! He’s very sweet, kind, spiritual, all that. Not real good looking, but that is no longer an issue to me. What’s in the heart, mind, and spirit matter to me most.

    After our two long conversations, I saw him looking at me from across the circle of people in the living room several times. Even if he is only interested in friendship, that’s all right, too. But I think he’s interested in me romantically. I’ll call him Change, because I need a change from the men I’ve been dwelling on too much…

    New Jersey wrote me a long email late last night in response to me giving him feeling messages yesterday about not wanting a phone-only relationship. When I said it to him on the phone, adding, “I wonder if you just want to let it go,” he said, “No, no, no, no, that’s not where I’m at at all! It’s not about you – you’re the most decent person I’ve met in a long time. I just don’t have any money. I don’t have the gas to travel (he lives 2 hours away).”

    His email was very lengthy, saying part of his recovery from alcoholism (he’s been clean about 4 years) is making new friends. He was trying to find male friends, but they were mostly gay, so he posted to find a woman friend. He doesn’t think either of us is ready for a relationship because we need to get our lives in order (we are both unemployed).

    Two weeks ago, he said sometime in the next two weeks we will take a trip to the shore. Then he dropped it, and I felt disappointed. In this email, he said he is cashing in another one of his savings bonds just so he can go to the shore, and he invited me to go with him.

    So I guess he’s stepping up! He said right now he just wants to be friends, and I feel good about that, because that’s really all I want, too. I want to circular date, but I already know this man isn’t marriage material – our beliefs are too different (he is Catholic).

    Last night I was at a party with some friends I’ve known for 3 years, and my friend’s fiance was blatantly flirting with me! And my friend was oblivious to it. It was unmistakeable when he came around the corner, where I was getting ice, and he put out his arms to give me a big hug.

    I feel a little bad admitting this, but I just walked right into his hug, because I’m so starved for affection. He squeezed me close and then said, “Aah, I needed that!” I said, “Me, too.” I looked at the situation objectively when I left and realized I can’t let anything like that happen again. I can’t let my chronic loneliness allow me to be disloyal to my friend. My loneliness has always gotten me in trouble.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:17am

  480. 480: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I had bad dreams all night about my guy and my last guy.

    i guess i don’t feel better in the morning. oh well.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:42am

  481. 481: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    15 years is so doable. This is something I have been working on opening up to. I guess, I was concerned with what “other people” might think if I was to enter a relationship with a younger man. I finally got it.

    Doesn’t matter to me what “other people” (family mostly) think. It matters to me about how I FEEL with *him*. So, now, I am totally open to it! I have always dated younger, just not by so much.

    It feels good to be open to all sorts of yummy men.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:44am

  482. 482: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I should re-do my POF profile and make my headline “desperate for attention”


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:49am

  483. 483: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I cannot help feeling something today…Nostalgic, sad, disappointed?

    I cannot believe how many men are toxic, Well people are toxic…I went on a date last wednesday ( a first on since february) and the guy seem to be well… complicated. I enjoyed his inteligence and that we had a decent conversation, we agreed on meeting again and he said he will call me…he has not yet. But some times over txt or IM he starts picking on me…
    Like he makes assumptions about me because I am a woman and woman usually behave in certain way.

    I feel turned off, but then again when I was using the drug of drama, I was like that. Now I understand why it was so easy to get involved with someone before…I was also toxic, and now that I am in relationship Rehab and recovery i do not feel like getting involved with people who strive for drama and complications.

    I cannot help feeling alone, I want to meet him. That man that is on the same page as me. I do not want to be saved or save anyone. I feel nostalgic, because I do not know if I will find that ‘healthy’ relationship.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:27am

  484. 484: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Okay so I am doing this POF thing and I have no problems with leaning forward. You lean forward one time and then they take it from there.
    What’s the big deal?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:35am

  485. 485: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Luzydel
    I feel u there!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:36am

  486. 486: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I love my little online support system, between this blog and facebook.

    I wonder what life would be like 30 years ago, without it?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:40am

  487. 487: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    474 Lillybelle
    No, I didn’t know someone told you that you were unattractive. Wha??? That is so RUDE
    What a jerk.

    My evil, vengeful side wants you to tell him that you’re not interested because you don’t want to force yourself to date ugly men….ugly on the inside ESPECIALLY.


    Sorry I know that’s a toxic reply, but he deserves it. Who tells a woman, ANY woman, that she’s not attractive? I mean, really??

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:50am

  488. 488: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel annoyed, triggered, and a bit amused by men online that say in their profile, “no drama, no games”….DUH…

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:52am

  489. 489: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    but….it makes me wonder if they are the ones with drama and games since they are mentioning it. hmm.

    Then one guy was saying “if you have too much drama or bill problems, exboyfriend problems, kid problems, then don’t contact me”

    and the guy is in his 40s. I’m sorry, but by that age and in this economy, most people have at least one of the above problems! What a douche!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:53am

  490. 490: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel, I am agreeing with you about men that make those assumptions. I was dealing with those yesterday…frustrating. Sometimes I want to say “I feel sad because if that is what you think then you really don’t know me”. But I am still having a hard time with feeling messages.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:55am

  491. 491: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    482 Luzydel, change is hard. I feel very flat 99 percent of the time when I meet a guy for the first time. I’m somewhat of a love addict, needing intensity or I’m not really interested. It’s how I’ve always been. I’m striving to change though. Good for you that you are recognizing the toxicity, I’m getting better at that as well.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:56am

  492. 492: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    428 and Luzydel about him making assumptions and picking on you, I would find that such a turnoff as well. He is stereotyping, it’s a bit immature IMO. Maybe you can tell him, I feel picked on and uncomfortable when you say that. I feel that I’m a unique individual and would like to be treated as such.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:57am

  493. 493: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, I hate when guys say “if you are x y or z, don’t bother”

    my guess is they’re not good at enforcing boundaries. so they find themselves with x, y, or z, and don’t know how to walk away with dignity.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:57am

  494. 494: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, the one guy I dated that had in his profile about “no drama” was the one guy that had the most! Even though they are trying to sound positive, talking about what they don’t want is an indicator that they are too negative to begin with.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:58am

  495. 495: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    483 Dorothea I lean forward too and contact first, because I don’t have a pic posted on my profile (I don’t feel comfortable). Then after I get a reply, I lean back and use FM and usually it’s fine, so far.

    What do you think Tinque, Daria, anyone else?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:58am

  496. 496: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson that’s exactly why i lean forward..cuz i don’t have a pic!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:59am

  497. 497: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    t GIRL and Dorothea,
    Yes I agree!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:00am

  498. 498: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, I’ve had guys contact me and want to meet me even without seeing my pic! I have one right now that really wants to meet me, and is very considerate and nice, and has never seen my pic!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:01am

  499. 499: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelle – can’t wait to hear how you respond lol. I love the ideas you are getting.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:01am

  500. 500: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I feel happy hopeful and excited reading about Change. :) <3

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:05am

  501. 501: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    What’s sad about that whole exchange was that he knocked me off my horse for almost two weeks. I didn’t spew it here, I worked it out off blog with some Siren’s but he caused my NV’s to YELL and scream at me steady.

    I actually believed him. It was horrible. I am not un-attractive and I sure don’t need someone to “do me a favor”.

    The thing is, I believe it says more about his character and who HE is. I was rejecting him, I did it kindly but he didn’t take it well so he had to react by trying to hurt me. I’m only sorry that I let him have that affect on me and that I listened to my NV’s during that time.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:07am

  502. 502: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Man oh man…these guys aren’t very good at conversation.

    They’re all lean backers.

    Come on guys! Interesting, pretty girl here! Talk to me!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:07am

  503. 503: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t believe he circled back around. I just can’t believe it. Why? What is the purpose of that?????


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:08am

  504. 504: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle, I wonder if he was attempting to “neg” you, and sucks at it.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:13am

  505. 505: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    502 maybe youi could ask him Lillybelle, “i feel curious why you came back around after telling me you find me unattractive

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:14am

  506. 506: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Or…don’t give it that much power. I’m not sure.
    but don’t forget you are a beautiful siren.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:15am

  507. 507: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle… abt the text u got… I’m thinking, after yesterday’s convo w Tinque, that as nasty/toxic as his “unattractive” statement may have seemed, if you don’t feel *indifferent* to him, then really the work on this is around You and why you felt triggered. What do u think? (I’m not completely clear on this myself… just exploring Tinque’s ideas from yesterday…) <3

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:16am

  508. 508: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    To be honest, Sirens~ My reaction right now is that he doesn’t *deserve* to be blessed with a response from this Goddess. Period. Right now, I won’t grace him with my presence.

    But, it was interesting that I was so triggered. I mean, I was slowing my horse down long enough to gently push him off and he didn’t like that at all. SO, he did what any immature grown man would do and he attacked me at such an unbelievably immature level. I believed him BECAUSE my self-esteem wasn’t where it needed to be, where it SHOULD be and I didn’t believe that I am an amazing, brave, wonderful, beautiful woman. I didn’t believe that and I thought I did. I fully believe and KNOW it now so he was perhaps, a lesson.. Something to learn and heal right?

    And, not believing came from a lot of things…my own believes of my own beauty, inside and out, some residual childhood teasing stuff and my own antiquated beliefs that if “I was enough” (fill in the blank) I wouldn’t have been left for my sister.


    I know better now but this is an ongoing healing process for me.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:25am

  509. 509: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Did you get dumped for your sister? Eesh!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:38am

  510. 510: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    507. Then perhaps he was simply playing the role the universe had assigned him to help w your healing… And now maybe he will not trigger u. So, “I’m doing well, thanks.” And if he texts more: “I felt awful being called unattractive, but your comment helped me heal that trigger and now I feel even better abt myself and my attractiveness. So, thank u for triggering me. :)”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:40am

  511. 511: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    LOL! Yea, I did. But I am way better now than I was when I got here.

    It has been an interesting five months though. 😉

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:44am

  512. 512: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Is your sister actually with him?

    I feel morbidly curious, sorry!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:57am

  513. 513: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    It’s okay, D~

    Yep. They are together. I wish them well and happiness. It was a huge deal… We can talk off blog if you want.. I don’t mind sharing.

    I just want to save all the other Sirens, all the gory details again.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:05am

  514. 514: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Good for you Lilybelle. Sometimes it is so hard saying nothing. I guess it is the same as when we as women struggle with closure?

    I am biting my tongue not to respond to a Facebook post from a former CD of mine who is now my friend (well,maybe not anymore). He knows I am in a relationship now and he commented yesterday “i am glad you are happy! make sure you dont forget me at the wedding!! remember my first date cost me tons of money!”

    First off, who said anything about me getting married? And he took me to an early dinner, asked the waiter to give him the lunch special price (which the waiter did), and then I had to pay for my own ticket at a play we went to that night. Geeze. I so wanted to comment back but I’m not going to.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:07am

  515. 515: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhh I am remembering now!

    Girl, sorry for my obnoxious curiosity.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:08am

  516. 516: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    yuck. so glad you’re not dating him anymore:P

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:10am

  517. 517: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I hear you T-Girl. I would have a hard time dignifying that with a response too. Sometimes, it’s just better to save the comments. High road? Maybe sometimes but sometimes, its to save my ass from taking a few steps backward and saying something so incredibly snarky.

    I’d want to say to your CD dude~ Hmmm, that’s not how I remember our first meeting. 😉

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:12am

  518. 518: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    It’s really ok, D. No worries!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:13am

  519. 519: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I want to tell him I have it 100 times better now so I will toast him at the wedding lol. But I won’t. I will just feel sorry for him and realize now why he is still single.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:15am

  520. 520: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, feeling soooo depressed and lonely today.

    It has been almost a week since I’ve seen/talked to my guy, who is not exactly ‘my guy’ any more, which is what i wanted. i wanted to date. i wanted to move out of the crumbling house and see if there is a better one that can be built from scratch.

    this is by far the hardest day. i also quit smoking around the same time we agreed to take more space, and i relapsed last niight. i also relapsed with not checking his facebook, but there was nothing there for me to feel bad about. I guess I should get back on track.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:36am

  521. 521: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I got this giving him space thing down though

    and anyway, I remember when I wanted space, he still invaded it by posting on my wall and emailing me. And I felt sooooo upset by that.

    I would never do that to another person lol.


    I am going to head to the grocery store. I am giving myself 20 more minutes of sad time and then getting gussied up and going to by myself delicious organic food.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:38am

  522. 522: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @483: Dorothea says:
    “…You lean forward one time and then they take it from there.
    What’s the big deal?…”

    I think of it as the 21st century version of “dropping the handkerchief.” The guy still has to step up…
    if he does… cool and away you go; if he doesn’t, nothing lost unless the woman is inclined to feel bad about strangers.

    Let us know how it goes.


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:55am

  523. 523: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV, i like your analogy!

    I decided I will limit the leaning forward to only a couple guys at a time. More than that would feel draining.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:57am

  524. 524: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    Leaning back, not going to text him anymore, i just feel so anxious sometimes. But i feel like i will be better off directing my boy energy elsewhere… like writing and looking for flights. whewww, no more texting him…. and i think he’s made it pretty clear that he doesnt want me tweeting him.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:05pm

  525. 525: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    My ex and I haven’t had any contact since Friday’s “incident” – I have been processing my own feelings, thoughts, triggers, etc. on here and with others and by myself.

    So… today I texted him: “What can we do to make sure that kind of thing never happens again?”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:22pm

  526. 526: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I thought that would be a good feminine way of allowing him to step up, be the man, and come up with a solution…..

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:23pm

  527. 527: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    (… even though in the past this kind of thing kept happening… on a smaller scale… even after I asked him to please check with me before doing stuff like this that might affect me… but he rarely did so…. so I have had to watch him like a hawk and I hate doing that… but as soon as I start trusting him and stop checking up on him, he does something like this!)

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:25pm

  528. 528: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    SO…. how do you trust a man and not give suggestions, advice, etc. when he keeps showing himself untrustworthy???????

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:26pm

  529. 529: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @485: Dorothea says:
    “…I wonder what life would be like 30 years ago, without it?…”

    What WAS it like? 1981? Juicy! So fun. Harrison Ford as “Indiana Jones” in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK but also more indie films, many more indie cinemas with long fun lines in front of them ( there was usual a fire swallower), high interest rates in money market accounts, the Plaza Hotel was still a hotel, waiters on roller skates serviced sidewalk tables, bare back riding of all kinds (AIDS hadn’t struck yet), few computers, the real rotunda at Columbus Circle before the horrible steep-stepped monstrosity, telexing Paris in the morning instead of e-mailing. E-mail? Nope. The space behind where I live now had centuries old trees instead of patios and condos. The IRT, IND and the BMT… still there now sorta but do those names even come up anymore? The old MOMA was smaller and cuter.

    I was smaller and cuter then also… I miss that too. I must think about this a bit.


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:27pm

  530. 530: ZDNo Gravatar says:


    It works, i tried that too with mine, he said we should only communicate through text and not on social networks since i guess it was causing probs with the girl he’s talking to now. I said ok i wont tweet him anymore. Things have been smooth and drama free ever since. He sent a txt early the morning after our conversation 2 see how i feel abt his decision. I said “i feel good, thanx for asking” and that was that.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:27pm

  531. 531: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Anyway, he just texted me back: “I don’t know.”

    That was it.

    Now what?

    Isn’t that a feminine response?

    (Rori says “I don’t know” is a good thing for us women to say.)

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:28pm

  532. 532: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    SLV, you are so adorable. I am quite fond of you. :)

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:30pm

  533. 533: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy how about telling him u feel bad or very uncomfortable about what has been happening and he may or may not offer a suggestion but idk

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:31pm

  534. 534: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    oops 😳 I went off on a tangent but there were lots of personal ads about the same as the online dating sites except in magazines usually and some specialty newspapers,,, which still have them,


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:31pm

  535. 535: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, i am toying with the idea in my head that a man’s feminine response is the equivalent of him saying ‘no,’ and so i have to take it for an answer.

    but i’m not sure what taking it for an answer looks like

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:35pm

  536. 536: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Any insights/ideas about how to handle this?

    Maybe I should text back: “I feel unsafe not having a plan to avoid future incidents.”

    What do sirens/Rusty think?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:36pm

  537. 537: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @488: Emerson says:
    “..but….it makes me wonder if they are the ones with drama and games since they are mentioning it. hmm….”

    When I see guys write that I translate to “don’t complain when I act like a jerk…”


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:36pm

  538. 538: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Dorothea, what an interesting idea!!!

    So, that would mean “no, I’m not going to help solve this problem”?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:38pm

  539. 539: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “don’t complain when I act like a jerk…” (SLV)

    Haha…. that’s basically what my ex said to our counselor the first time, ten years ago.

    He said, “I don’t need or want anything from her [me, Lucy], except to be left alone.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:40pm

  540. 540: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    “What WAS it like? 1981?”

    And approaching my Senior Year in high school. Spent the summer of 1981 nursing my first broken heart, away from home as a live-in summer girl.

    Rollerskating and hanging out with city boys. 😉

    So much fun. Those were the days when a girl did have to wait or a real live phone to ring. No cell phones, email, barely a computer if any yet. No computers in school. They still taught shorthand back then. I could take upward of 250/words a minute. Isn’t that crazy?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:41pm

  541. 541: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I think so. It at least means no for now.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:42pm

  542. 542: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    So… if his response means “no, I won’t help solve this problem”…

    then I solve it myself?

    How? By watching him like a hawk whenever he is on/in our shared property?

    Even though that seems disrespectful of me to do so bc I’m not showing trust in him?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:44pm

  543. 543: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    maybe create a new boundary of not letting him in on shared stuff that’s important to you, at least until you feel like it’s not going to result in tragedy hehe.

    I dunno..just brainstorming

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:45pm

  544. 544: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    This is ridiculous! What am I talking about??? I already Know I can’t trust him…. in so many ways over the years…. I trusted him innocently and naively… but he did so many untrustworthy things I found out about later. What’s this all mean??????

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:47pm

  545. 545: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @513: T-Girl says:
    “…’make sure you dont forget me at the wedding!! remember my first date cost me tons of money!’
    …And he took me to an early dinner, asked the waiter to give him the lunch special price (which the waiter did), and then I had to pay for my own ticket at a play we went to that night…”

    Excuse me for giggling… 😆 don’t you just have to laugh at some of these guys…


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:48pm

  546. 546: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @529: Lucy

    I am quite fond of you too.


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:54pm

  547. 547: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, I don’t think I have a legal right to keep him away from our shared stuff. :(

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:57pm

  548. 548: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    533 @ SLV regarding the no drama requirement….
    SLV said:
    “When I see guys write that I translate to “don’t complain when I act like a jerk…”

    Soo true, great way to put it! I think a lot of guys are like that!

    535 @ Lucy
    Ack one of my first boyfriends I had in my 20s told me almost the same thing. He used to say not to give him any troubles….which translated into not holding him accountable when he was being an ass!! I was dumb and naiive and kept quiet and let it kill my spirit a bit.

    I’m feeling hostile!

    But I know not ALL guys are like that! We’re just getting good at picking them out! Yay sirens!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:57pm

  549. 549: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks SLV. 😀

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:57pm

  550. 550: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    What do you all think about texting back: “I feel unsafe not having a plan to prevent future incidents”?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:58pm

  551. 551: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I know there are guys out there that are wililng to put up with “drama” to make us happy and meet out needs!

    It’s not really drama! It’s a lie! It’s not negative, it’s us speaking up about our feelings, our needs! If the guy can’t handle it, it is ok.

    We just wish him well and move along!

    And life is full of “drama”….it’s not a perfectly scripted movie!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 12:59pm

  552. 552: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @536: Lilybelle says:

    Did you see Harrison Ford in “Raiders” that summer? It still stands out in my memory… such a fun summer.


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:03pm

  553. 553: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ok sirens, remember the dad of 3??? We have a date scheduled a couple weeks from now! I am excited, although wish it was sooner! It was the only time we could both make it, due to traveling, work, etc. so it’s ok!

    I had to “drop the hankerchief” as SLV would say, to make it happen, and yes I know we aren’t supposed to be prompting an outcome or expect “something to happen”…. so maybe I went off course a bit there…ooopsies…. :-)

    But I’m still glad we have plans now, finally! I need something to look forward to these days.

    519 @ Dorothea regarding feeling loneley and depressed, I feel that it helps to have something to look forward to. Hang in there with the smoking and trying to quit. I used to smoke too, my ex got me started! I had quit and started again so many times, and when we split, I smoked A LOT. Every day.
    Then one day got tired of it, and stopped. Plus, started dating a nonsmoker that hated it and never saw me smoke. So that helped.
    I encourage you not to be too hard on yourself. Just try to hang around friends/CDs that DO NOT smoke.
    It is really hard to stop. hugs

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:06pm

  554. 554: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    1981 was awesome! I was a kid. Wore a lot of purple and pink. Fruity smelling marker pens were all the rage. Roller skating with pom poms was the bomb. I saw RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK in the theatres!
    Good times~

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:08pm

  555. 555: DENo Gravatar says:


    To me, “I don’t know” from a man (even myself), means really “I don’t know”…now…

    I would not have asked him anything …but since u did, I would absolutely stay still…and say nothing …to Him…

    I found out these moments – in between- are the hardest…where we are hurt, sad, disappointed, even angry…and we “expect” them to pick up the slack and darn it “fix” it…we feel a sense of urgency…which again means our past patterns are at at work…

    That is why is important to notice this pattern…stop myself from leaning fwd in any shape or form…attend to my feelings…do something that would feel good…and accept the possibility He won’t fix anything (for his own reasons)…

    When the negative energy clears up…men will contact…then I would more likely feel open to respond …by nourishing my feelings, attending to them, making myself feel better…without a man…I’ve empowered myself…and i no longer feel at his “mercy”…etc…

    Warm hugs,

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:10pm

  556. 556: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i like DE’s answer too! do nothing.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:17pm

  557. 557: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I’m glad to hear you have a new potential CD! He sounds nice! And good job expressing your feelings with the one in NJ!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:18pm

  558. 558: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    DE, thanks for your reply. I didn’t feel any urgency, expectation, etc. prompting me to write that to him.

    In fact, my contacting him like that was Different from my past patterns. In the past I would’ve just let it go until it happened again. :(

    So I wrote what I did bc it seems Rori encourages us to ask the man to help solve the problem. (In the past I would’ve come up with my own solutions – e.g., watching him like a hawk.)

    So I was trying something different- what I thought was how Rori tells us – asking him, “What can we do about this?”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:23pm

  559. 559: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    And in the past, when I have done nothing, no contact, no asking “what can we do about this?”……

    he just acts like it never happened….

    and eventually does something like this again.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:25pm

  560. 560: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it seems like im creating a relationship like my other dating relationships in the past, and like my bf gf relationship all the way back in highschool

    its casual, it feels like hanging out and adventuring together

    some of it feels fun

    other stuff does not

    for example… when i first walked up to meet them… at his request at the bus stop… (them is him and his friend who came to my town)

    he kinda ignored me. he did not say hello. his friend did. i smiled and did not say hello first..

    i turned my back to him (wondering if i was being cold…

    next time i would like to address how i felt)

    and started making my plan B

    eventually he started including me in the convo and then came to touch me and hug me.

    This also after he did not say Goodbye i last saw him on the train the day before.

    So – this ‘moodiness’ – it happened. and it was strong enough ot the extent that i was not greeted.

    which is a typical thing that happens in my household. sometimes, for no reason or for something that upsets ppl about me, ill be ignored and not greeted, even if i address a greeting or a conversation to somoene

    and i Dont want this in relationship – but am i supposed to expect it?

    I dono

    ALSO more. im wondering if this is not my NVs coming up to sabotage that im getting closer to someone. saying oh this and that is wrong. so that i dont enjoy the emotional closeness and growing of seeing someone fairly consistently and often

    Aslo… i get the feeling he is starting to resent me on the under… the moodiness… and when i brought up something about massages, hes like OH DARIA like he was rolling his eyes

    but then he didnt finish or tell me what it was about – though i tried to coax it out of him (oops) and said some stuff about how he’s just saying my name, cant he say my name?

    i feel afraid of underground resentment cuz i dont want to get to feeling unsafe – reminds me of an ex i think i got in that situation with – and he left me for my best friend

    and then… i find myself not following the 4 rrules

    especialy with this, and this happens with my friend as well. say we are sitting, and i want to go to the store.

    and the man is dallying… do i just get up and go? that’s kinda how ive been doing it

    if we’re walking, can i walk out ahead? is this feminine out the window? or not so much

    i dono

    ok the other thing… his friend seemed to me more mature… was willing to walk to meet my friend…

    im ike, i bet his freind would walk to my house. but i dont think he would

    at least not now, maybe i messed it up from the beginning

    i want to feel courted

    im not sure

    i told him id like to see him like everyday. he like, planned to not see me at all until i got back!

    so im like, maybe he doesnt like me so much

    but he sure seems like he does in some ways

    lots of i love yous and kisses when hes in a good mood

    i feel resentful of him though when hes not

    and i think i lost 20 dollars… waht if he stole it???

    i dono

    i do know the whole thing got casual, and i think i totally created it


    that feels a lil bad

    i did address the non greeting and he told me it wont happen again

    he wanted to be exclusive and fished in some info and i told him im single till im engaged

    same thing with meeting my parents

    also he made fun of his freind constantly. and i even felt uncomfortable but i practiced saying not hing …. i didnt want to judge my guy for picking on his friend’

    i felt confused

    the friend didnt seem to mind at all

    i did judge my guy and found myself laughing once when the friend did respond something


    i feel afraid that he will turn all that make fun ness tenacity on me

    i feel scared

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:36pm

  561. 561: DENo Gravatar says:


    U initially asked him:

    ““What can we do to make sure that kind of thing never happens again?”

    U asked him for a solution…by your question, u had expectation(s) of him to fix it and come up with a plan…he said “i don’t know”…now, u seem all worked up ab what that means, etc…

    U said you haven’t spoken to him since Friday…so, u went ahead and broke off the “ice” between the two of u…far before he was ready to lean fwd…

    The bottom line, u did not express your real feelings…

    If I would have really felt compelled to say something to brake the ice…I would have said “I still feel sad about what happened…I feel unsure of how/and if ever I would feel safe with u …” And i would not ask him “what do u think?” at this time…However, I would have asked that question, if he was the one first reaching out…It’s a slight difference…but so important…

    warm hugs,

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:40pm

  562. 562: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – #494 – Sounds okay to me…


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:45pm

  563. 563: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    thank u DE…. facing a similar situation and i feel grateful for your insight. *smiles*

    still feeling confused about everything im going thru but im jus leaning back and doing nothing at this point

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:45pm

  564. 564: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Tinque :)

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:50pm

  565. 565: DENo Gravatar says:

    Lucy #554:

    U said :”I didn’t feel any urgency, expectation, etc. prompting me to write that to him. ”

    Sorry, but I DON’T BELIEVE U…:(

    U said: “So I wrote what I did bc it seems Rori encourages us to ask the man to help solve the problem. (In the past I would’ve come up with my own solutions – e.g., watching him like a hawk.)”

    Hmm…I sense a lot of confusion here…He is not your husband no more…In the past, u found the solutions on your own…but likely built resentment…I can sure feel the vibe now coming from u posts…
    Now, when there is a desire to fix past patterns on your part…but for some reason(s) -u don’t want to…

    I admit, I don’t know u full situation and the reason(s) u have expectations from him to help u…

    I admit, this last part triggers me for my own personal reasons…I also raise a child with special needs…and his father hasn’t help us for over 6 years with anything…Somehow, the feelings of anger/frustration/expectation of him and his family to help us…owned me…till the moment I chose to finally accept they will not help us…that was the moment I got my personal power back…

    We have more power than we think…but often, we chose the easiest and more “natural” reaction to things…being mad…and angry…and a sense of entitlement from “others” and not from “ourselves”…

    Warm hugs,

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:52pm

  566. 566: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – “SO…. how do you trust a man and not give suggestions, advice, etc. when he keeps showing himself untrustworthy???????”

    You don’t trust him; you can’t trust him, and it wouldn’t be a good idea to even try. He has proved himself numerous times, an since you must still have contact because of the children, you likely need to maintain a degree of wariness.

    You state, over and over if need be, what you don’t want and how you feel about….

    And put away anything with meaning which appears breakable.


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:52pm

  567. 567: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG — successes – AMAZING!

    so my guy friend was talking a whole bunch like he does, just get all into tlaking and stuff

    it feels difficult to even follow him and not, cuz i start efeling all this anxiety

    well yesterday i SWITCHED@! to /Curiosity…

    like rori said. made a BIG effort to just keep wondering…

    i wonder where you got that shirt? i wonder how you get along with your mom? i wonder what kinda products u use on your hair…

    and then i noticed

    WOW he has nice eyes!

    and nice skin

    and im like wow! it felt /SO different the attention i was paying to him thi sway

    and i was able to be there while he talked, even though i couldnt follow, and BE OPEN! not judging him in my head!



    te other thing was he told me soemthign like… ‘my heart is light as a feather’ and i had a feather in my hand and let my heart feel the same and it felt so good!

    it felt more challenging to do without a featheri n my hand…

    but by keepung on to that feeling in my chest, a physical feeling…

    i avoided any anxiety about plans and about EVERYTHING
    its like i felt consistently happy and free

    it felt AWESOME

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:57pm

  568. 568: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    You Sirens know what I find interesting, based on this article my ego is what kept me contacting my ex, because I feel like he is the guy who can make me happy. My ego wants to maintain the homestasis of having him around and having HIM to talk to. My ego is what is making me feel scared to go too long without him or to resist talking to other people. Right now i should overthrow my ego and go right on back to CDing. Goodbye Ego. Hello wonderful NEW guys that are going to have the pleasure of dating me.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 1:58pm

  569. 569: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    also i notice myself judging him about his penis and comparing and i want to stop :(

    i feel guilty

    and uncomfortable

    and like im running a thought pattern that doesnt serve me

    id liek to heal this

    i acutally felt pretty good with him sexually, much more than with other men with different penises that i didnt judge… or did i judge them

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:10pm

  570. 570: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel challenged and out the water feeling this “attached” and “close” with a man

    hasn’t been happening in awhile

    also, i notice i want formal dates and try to control for them…

    but Rori says just to ge to know him

    but i WANT formal romantic dates

    i feel like my self worth goes up the more formal a date is or soemthing

    like yes, i CAN have this

    cuz i dont really 100 % believe i can regularly

    and i LIKE the “posh” feeling of formal dates


    i want to ask Rori a million questions

    aout the moodiness… and how i then felt kinda cold, even when he started hugging on me and stuff

    i did bring up how i felt upset

    but mostly i ntoiced i just wanted to walk ahead and ditch him and not be around him

    while i was feeling upstet

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:13pm

  571. 571: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    561 Tinque. Thank you. Sadly, that resonates with me. I guess I just wanted the truth to be different. But that really helps, thank you.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:26pm

  572. 572: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, DE. I feel shocked!


    I feel awful being not believed. :( My heart is pounding. I feel judgmental.

    “Now, when there is a desire to fix past patterns on your part…but for some reason(s) -u don’t want to…” (DE)

    Wow, I feel angry and judged. I feel the urge to defend myself against such assertions.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:32pm

  573. 573: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm…. reading the rest of what you wrote, DE. It appears that you are misunderstanding bc of projecting your own situation onto mine. Okay.

    No, this situation is different from yours.

    My text to him was definitely Not about expectation or entitlement. Quite the opposite really.

    Okay, I just deleted a part where I explained more.

    It’s okay. I don’t need to explain or defend.

    It is what it is. If other people don’t understand that’s okay. Even though it feels bad. I have no control over what others think about me and what Im doing.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:37pm

  574. 574: laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling better today.

    Thanks Ella for talking with me yesterday. By encouraging you to own your sirenness, I learned a lot about how i could apply that to my own situation with the landlord and I feel so much more empowered now. I feel really appreciative to have that dialougue with you and also for SLV encouraging me to be a princess.

    Dorothea: Sorry to hear you are feeling bad today. I feel a little confused about your situation exactly with Mr. Man and if you are wanting to see him or not.

    I guess i just feel a little worried that you might be blocking out the affection you are wanting. I trust you though that you know what is right for you. I just felt confused when you said you were missing him and also wanting space. I guess that makes sense though now that I type it out.

    I”m feeling less limited by that belief that if I expand, I will outgrown my man after talking with him yesterday. I wanted to share that with you because you expressed having a similar one. I feel a little bad now that I may have been insensitive to how you are feeling. :-(

    Lillybelle: That guy…wtf? Have you responded yet. I had the same thought as Dorothea that he was just trying to neg you. You know about negging, ya?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:38pm

  575. 575: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yep. I did great. I Changed my pattern when I texted him! Yay me! I am doing great with this stuff! I am breaking my patterns and expressing myself authentically in a way a man can hear.

    DE, thank you for sharing your point of view.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:43pm

  576. 576: DENo Gravatar says:


    I feel sad u feel judged…:(

    Yes, I wanted u to be shocked…:( I noticed when someone says something I feel shocked ab…I begin to really pay attention…to myself…and what others are trying to say…without dismissing their point/ideas too soon…

    Warm hugs,

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:45pm

  577. 577: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, you’re absolutely fine with me. no worries.

    I do miss him. But I need space bad. The ‘relationship’ was destroying me.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:51pm

  578. 578: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    For me, DE, the shock is bc of a trigger around being misunderstood and disbelieved.

    I just didn’t expect to be misunderstood and disbelieved in this situation.

    I feel sad about it.

    But it is another opportunity to heal the pain of being misunderstood and disbelieved.

    I have to be okay with people misunderstanding and disbelieving me.

    I want to get to the point where when someone does this, I just feel and say, “Okay.” And then walk away, knowing that it is about them, not me.

    But as long as it feels bad, ThAt is about me.


    Maybe I’m learning that I have an expectation that people will understand and believe me…. so I feel surprised when they don’t.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:55pm

  579. 579: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like i identify with you lucy too much lol

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:55pm

  580. 580: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    So.. if I can drop that expectation….

    then, when I am disbelieved or misunderstood, I can just feel a bit disappointed maybe, but say to myself, “That’s okay. It happens.”

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 2:56pm

  581. 581: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    So… yes, underneath the shock, I feel disappointed. It feels good to be understood and (to me) it seems it should be a given to be believed. So… yes, I feel disappointed, but I will live.

    Drop expectation of being understood and believed, Lucy. Thank you.

    Thanks, DE, for the trigger.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:00pm

  582. 582: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    I felt triggered like that too when my ex told me that he thinks I like drama.

    I felt sad and misunderstood
    I felt like i had to make him believe me.
    Then i remembered that its not about winning a debate or convincing him of anything. The feminine experience is all about feeling. So yes, i felt hurt that he saw me as some type of drama queen n told me not to tweet him because i would “start drama” but i feel better not doing something that will make me feel worse or unwanted later on.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:05pm

  583. 583: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello dear Sirens,

    How are you all doing?

    Daria and Alias Girl, I feel glad that you watched Nicole Daedone’s TEDtalk on female orgasm.

    I think it is wonderful :)
    I don’t have many issues on sex or orgasms, I love to touch myself, with or without a man and I don’t feel very ashamed of my body (just wish I would have bigger and firmer tits, haha). Also, I dont mind giving a guy directions sometimes, a little more to the left, aaaah yes :)
    Just keep in mind that guys will usually just enjoy having sex with you and the last thing on their mind is that little bit of fat around your waist or some spots you have or actually what your vagina looks like (I know that sounds a bit contradictionary to what she said the guy did, some awesome guy that must have been :)
    But honestly, from the little that I read, I don’t know what your issues around sex and orgasms are, so I won’t start to advice you 😉

    I shared the video on my FB wall earlier and one of my sportbuddies came up to me and told me he also liked it 😀

    Also I felt really acknowledged last night when I read your responses (well it was night here 😉
    Bc I felt lonely and disappointed about S (BF4 but I like it more to call him by his first letter, like Tinque and Mercedes call their men, it feels more respectful.).

    He checked up on me at 2Am by phone but told me he was gonna sleep at his brothers house. I sleep better when I feel his arms around me, makes me feel so safe and cared for :)
    Also, why call me in the middle of the night and then tell me that you are not going to come over…I need my sleep and now I have been awake for another 45 mins pining over S…


    Where do I start? There are quite some things I want, I need to talk about.

    I have decided to be a little less specific about places and people.

    Today one of my sportbuddies came to my house. I used to call him one of my male BFF, bc for some years we would cycle to our favorite sport and share a lot of our stories and secrets. And he used to tell me I was the only one that knew that much about him.

    I was really surprised that he was coming to my house very suddenly today. He asked me if he could get me a ride to another friend of mine in another city where I wanted to go in the afternoon. Which was very nice, but sort of weird.

    So, after some chitchat, he finally started talking.
    He told me he had done something terrible. He hid his face in his hands, but the tone of his voice was quite cheerfull. And the smile on his face was like he had done something naughty.

    (hmm, doesn’t this seem like postsecret…).

    So, he told me that for the last 2 weekends he has been flirting and kissing and a little more with 2 girls.

    And he knew it was a bad thing, but he enjoyed it very much bc these girls were so yummy.

    He tells me his significant other is too stressed out about her job and graduation and health and never wants to have sex and feels unattractive and is too heavy and never shows passion and lacks sexual assertiveness and blablabla.

    And she seems to need him for emotional security which he sometimes feels uncapable to provide and also she just wants safety and is very orderly and seems to live her life from a checklist: bought house, check, married a guy, check, job, check, graduation, check.
    And when something is checked off the list, she gives it less attention.
    Those other girls are more like him, very intelligent and with big, strong emotions and the ones that just go for what they want and are also very passionate.
    For the first time in his life he has everything he should want, a good job that makes him happy and where he is acknowledged, a house, a wife.

    Oh and hey, I shouldn’t judge him, because I have done some similair things with other guys than S and my male BFF knows this. So I was as evil as him. That was why he was telling me. Because he knew that this secret of his would be safe with me.

    I didn’t really know what to say.
    So I laughed a little. And I also tried to tell him that I wouldn’t choose to do be unfaithfull anymore. Yeah, I had had fun with those other guys before, but, hell did it hurt to see S being hurt when he found out. Also, trying to keep secrets fom S, made me grow distant of him, which felt awfull, awfull and exactly the opposite of what I want in a relationship.

    It is all getting a little clearer now, but I wish I would have been more with my feelings and would have used more Feeling Messages with my male BFF.

    I think I was afraid of losing him as a friend if I would speak my truth. If I would tell him my feelings. I was afraid I didn’t know how to speak my feelings. Of course, I felt flattered at first that he came to me to talk about this.

    Also, I wanted to give him space to vent and did not want to judge him really. But in doing so, I didn’t give myself space to be me there, it felt more like I was some kind of priest where he could confess and ask for another blessing. Ick.

    Honestly, I didn’t feel good to be talked of as a friend of his that is OK with him not being faithfull to his WIFE.

    And now I am freaking mad. ( I think I remember reading here that would mean I am mad at myself for not acting how I wanted to act, for not showing my true feelings.)

    I feel disappointed. I always thought that he was not like that. He used to tell me so many many times how happy he is with his wife, that she is the best woman he has ever met and that he loves her so much.
    I used to believe that. He is still saying so. But I find it harder to believe. Perhaps he is just telling himself what to feel?

    Also, he always used to tell me about other women he fancied (already before he met and married her), some even being our mutual friends.

    (Which feels like Ick to me now, I don’t want any guy just seeing me as a friend that they can talk to about these things. I don’t want to be one of their buddies, I want them to see me as a Siren. I want them to treat me as a goddess. Still, I always wanted to know what was going on in a man’s mind and there, now I know….I think…partly…perhaps)

    But I always thought it was just guys speak and just his phantasies and that he would hold himself back.

    So there goes my picture of their perfect relationship. One of the few relationships that gave me hope that one day I would have a relationship like that too. And that kinda hurts deep down in my belly. I feel unsafe.

    Somewhere I think I should not just look outside for examples of the relationship that I want, but inside.

    I also feel bad, because I feel I am made an accomplice now that I know. And that feels heavy. I don’t want to carry this secret with me. I have my own life. I don’t want to carry more heavyness. I feel like he dumped something on me.

    And I think I should do something about what he is doing. I should talk about this again with him.

    He just pasted something on my FB saying ‘All women want me :)’. I want to respond with something like, ‘Yeah, that must feel awesome for your ego, I am glad you choose the most beautiful and sweet one to be your woman’.
    Also, if I see her… I don’t know if I can not think about it.
    And, this also hits home, because when I did the same things, I told some of my friends and they might have felt bad and awkward about this too, esp when S is around.

    And what if one day she does find out ( I remember finding out that M (BF1) kissed another girl and all all of his friends knew and I felt so stupid) and she finds out I already knew? What about sisterhood?

    I think he should start addressing his issues with her. If he thinks she lacks passion, aren’t there ways that she can learn to be more passionate? I even freaking showed him a Patty Contenta video. Can’t he try to encourage her to be more sexually assertive?
    Isn’t he just seeing her to much like a princess and treating her like that? Can’t he spice her up?

    Pffffffff, please go somewhere else and don’t bug me with your issues.

    I really don’t judge him for what happened. I can’t.
    I don’t feel very bad about my own experiences. Because they were yummy and I enjoyed them while they lasted. And I think I learned somethings there. I like the word experience bc it feels way more neutral.
    But it was all about me and just pleasure and I didn’t take my relationship with S into account (Ok, I am more and more thinking that my relationship with S is a socalled imagionary relationship, but there is more to come on that…).

    I don’t want this part of me to stick with me and I don’t like how I felt when male BFF kept pointing at what I once did. I want to change that. Yes, I am passionate, I like sex a lot, I like male attention a lot and I want a relationship where I feel loved and adored and happy and connected and growing to become a better me, a better us and where I am faithfull.

    Also, I don’t want male BFF to treat me like I am one of his male buddies. Even though I feel afraid I might lose this friendship altogether, it is kinda fun being one of the guys really.
    But hey, you are a guy, I am a girl and I want to feel like a Siren around you. Not like your siren, but like a Siren :) I want to practice my Sirennes on every guy that I meet! 😛

    I think I overfunctioned and leaned way to forward here. I just don’t know, did I do that first and then lost touch of my feelings of did I not know how to feel and express my feelings so I started to try and fix everything?

    Bleh, I wish I could have shown my anger and frustration. Yes, I felt frustrated, my hands tied, my mouth made shut, bc I had once done something similair.
    And he just kept pointing at it.

    I love myself for being unfaithfull.
    I love myself for being faithfull.
    I love myself for wanting a faithfull relationship.
    I love myself for experimenting about openness with friends.
    I love myself for experimenting on openess about friends.
    I love myself for wanting to be there for my friends.
    I love my friends for wanting me to be there for them.

    I want myself to be there for me.
    I want to love myself for being here for me.
    I love myself for being here for me.

    XXX Marina

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:06pm

  584. 584: DENo Gravatar says:


    Just to clarify:…I did not believe the part u stated there was no “sense of urgency” for u…

    You also stated u situation is different than mine…hmm…in what way is it different? I never described my relationship with men in detailed…especially my ex-husband…so, u can’t know that…
    The only differences I see,
    I no longer absolutely depend on a man…or anybody…
    I don’t flirt with my exhusband and give him or myself hopes or reconciliation…even though I don’t trust him at all;
    I am not in an imaginary relationship with anyone any longer…
    I don’t ask a man in making decisions about our son…

    But to get here, I struggled a lot…

    I only know we are not that different in our situations because I went through some of the things u are describing…I was You…

    If u disagree with me, that’s absolutely Okay with me…

    Warm hugs,

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:08pm

  585. 585: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i just got a call from a guy who sounded really mature and great!

    except he didnt set a date with me before i leave…

    and he said he cant have kids… he was in an accident where now his sperm are blanks


    felt good to hear him talk to me anyway

    but he Did get off the phone first… and i felt the energy… but didnt get off first

    and then i felt a bit disconnected

    and i love me!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:14pm

  586. 586: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @Lucy 574

    I was just reading your posts, and I was thinking, atleast for me, that it’s okay to *hope* to be understood. I don’t tend to expect anything from people, but I always hope that people will understand me, and if not, want to understand…

    Ultimately, I believe that we’re all connected on a level, and we subconsciously understand eachother to an extent… Just my thoughts =)

    Lots of love xx

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:17pm

  587. 587: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    Thats great Daria!! I feel good about his honesty on the issue although he is not able to have kids.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:17pm

  588. 588: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    I feel good about being able to come here and express my feelings. Believe it or not it helps me lean back because I am no longer thinking about my ex 24/7. I am here reading about my fellow sirens’ feelings and feeling it along with them and feeling good about myself.
    I love me
    I love all of you
    I feel blessed to be able to connect with you lovely ladies
    I feel more at ease
    I feel more confident
    I feel like a SIREN!!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:20pm

  589. 589: moselleNo Gravatar says:

    “Your ego may also be blocking love because it is holding onto anger and resentment from the past. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Resentment only harms you and your well-being.”

    I thought this comment was talking to me. My boyfriend and I broke up this weekend. I am feeling a lot of pain. I wasn’t meeting his needs. We were together for over a year. At first it was good and he talked about marriage really quick but it scared me with him talking about it so soon and I wasn’t ready. I feel I carry my traumatic short term relationship and horrific divorce from over 30 years ago into today. I take marriage seriously. Also another man friend that I developed feelings for just before I met this real boyfriend hurt me deeply. I have never remarried since my divorce (30+ years ago) and had just gotten over that other creepy mean man and then this guy showed up. I felt though that we weren’t a good match and feel like I pushed him away (I was so scared of being lied to again) and I think he finally just fell out of love. When I confronted him about how there is distance and I don’t know what is going on with him he said he wasn’t feeling much love anymore. So we are broke up. But it hurts so much. I feel like I hurt him but there were times he hurt me as well. The withdrawal of the intimacy the last month or so was the worse and then not even talking about was even worse.

    I met him at the gym and ended up changing my times I go to the gym so my boyfriend could have his space there cause it was causing problems. Now I have to even change my other time I go because I don’t want to hear gossip from an acquaintance of ours. It hurts to much. Why can’t people just be courteous and respect?

    Thanks for listening cause I hurt and my girlfriends aren’t available to call cause they are with their boyfriends.

    I’m mailing some papers of his back to him tomorrow, It was an impossible relationship where it wasn’t moving forward the way he wanted and now we are broke up.

    Thanks for listening. I guess maybe the tears will stop falling.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:20pm

  590. 590: maliNo Gravatar says:

    P.S. Marina @575

    I love your name- it reminds me of the ocean… I literally felt a wave of calm wash over me when I saw your name on the screen, so thankyou for that! :)

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:20pm

  591. 591: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im pist! with whatshisname hawkman


    he wanted me to kiss him bye beforte the bus… but i wanted to flag down the bus

    and then he didnt run up, evn when i waved him over… to kiss me

    and i blew him a kiss and he smiled… i think

    but i still felt disconnected


    and also…

    im feeling REALLY pist by that “oh DARIA” eyerolling feeling he did to me

    i think when ibrought up the massage, again

    which i LOVE massages and need them as foreplay


    feel so disconnected with that “oh DARIA” and on one hand i appreciate that he corrects himself

    and on ther other i feel scared

    i dont want to be somewhere where im actually being resented underneath!

    and he was not honest with me

    im feeling unsafe

    im feeling disconnected

    and im feeling part of a ‘ongoing relationship” now where he texts me sweet things

    and i dont know WHAT to do

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:22pm

  592. 592: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    Mali (578)

    I agree it is very much okay to hope to be understood, but not to expect to be understood and I feel like although i may feel bad when i done get something i had hoped for, i feel even worse when i dont get something i had expected.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:23pm

  593. 593: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Mali 580,
    :) I am glad you like the ocean too, I just found this video on FB, very insync…
    XXX Marina

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:34pm

  594. 594: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Mali. That feels really good to read.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:36pm

  595. 595: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    me high maintenance: me need to see u 3 4 times a week…

    me need formal dates…

    me need massages…


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:37pm

  596. 596: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    me high maintenance: me need to see u 3 4 times a week…

    me need formal dates…

    me need massages…

    me need to feel loved

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:37pm

  597. 597: ZDNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling a little insignificant right now.
    I’m not insignificant.
    My ego is not going to convince me that i need to be significant to my ex.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:39pm

  598. 598: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Moselle 579
    Hope you will find comfort here and that you can relax and unwind on Siren Island.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:45pm

  599. 599: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Nope, I’m not going to respond to him.

    Negging…yep I do know about negging.

    Negging is stupid.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:51pm

  600. 600: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I hate negging.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:58pm

  601. 601: Josephine BakerNo Gravatar says:

    One of my friends just posted something saying “dont tell me what you think, tell me what you feel” I felt good about this post because that is exactly what Rori told us that men want us to do.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 3:59pm

  602. 602: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘i felt a lil uneasy hearing that i was your girlfriend’

    also i noticed i felt ‘cold’ a lot of times, a familiar feeling for me

    me being cold, guy hugging on me, was reminding me of oldschool days with Getright


    so much to practice here

    i feel a lil overwhelmed

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:08pm

  603. 603: Josephine BakerNo Gravatar says:

    btw i am using a different name but this is ZD. ZD wasnt feeling feminine enough to me

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:11pm

  604. 604: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Lillybelle,

    If I use the email you gave, can I find you on FB?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:12pm

  605. 605: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling much more at ease now. Is it always going to be a constant battle every day to quiet negative voices, take care of myself, etc.?

    I mean, I went to the grocery store and this feels like a victory for me. I feel ashamed and hopeful all at the same time..ashamed cuz i feel like something so small shouldn’t be a ‘victory’, but hopeful because i want to do this small stuff consistently.

    i guess it’ll get easier with practice. fortunately i do understand the concept of commitment and discipline to some extent. fake it till you make it.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:14pm

  606. 606: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    No, but if you use that email, I’ll tell you how to find me on FB. 😉

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:14pm

  607. 607: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ok! :)

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:22pm

  608. 608: Josephine BakerNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like my comments were not going through even after changing my name, I have now changed the email.

    I feel kinda disappointed about that but let’s see if this solution works

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:23pm

  609. 609: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i can’t believe i let this all happen to my life. i was so much better before. what happened this year? i feel so embarrassed. i could have taken better care of myself when all this ‘bad’ stuff happened. i didn’t honor myself or my boundaries.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:25pm

  610. 610: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    So, if a guy gets on our nerves, what is that about? is that a “trigger” that we need to address on our own. Is it incompatibility? Is it a need to communicate?

    Cause many men who have loved me…wait, no, ALL the men who have loved me, have gotten on my nerves. I loved some of them back, but always felt perplexed by how much they got on my nerves. My dad gets on my nerves, even though I love him to bits. He gets on my mom’s nerves…do I choose men who get on my nerves because of my dad? do all men get on my nerves? Do all people get on my nerves? No. Wait, no- maybe yes, they do.
    Getting on my nerves isn’t a mortal sin. It’s probably ME who needs to change, not them. But I often don’t think like that. I think – ugh – the way that person behaves inspires me to act like a jerk. When really, I should be a sweet nice person regardless of how annoying a person is.
    So what can I do – get away from the person? Practice compassion. Ugh that sounds like work. Ha, I judge myself as a silly princess for not wanting to put forth the effort of practising compassion. Oh crap – AHA moment!!! Compassion is similar to manners or ballroom dance – it’s something you practice!! And the more you practice the more easy and graceful you are about it! I imagine that all my relationships would improve if I practiced compassion when I feel negative.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:28pm

  611. 611: Josephine BakerNo Gravatar says:

    Let me know if this comment is visible :(

    I have been posting comments all day and they havent been showing up. Trying to fix this.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:30pm

  612. 612: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    But isn’t it cool, D that you can start over again, tighten up the boundaries and honor yourself more than you ever have before?

    I think it’s so freakin amazing.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:33pm

  613. 613: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    The following is an attempt to help myself feel some peace about how Derek is ignoring my attempt to connect.

    well shoot, I was going to try to make myself feel better, but maybe I should start with how lousy I feel. I feel burning behind myeyes and tension in my head and quivering in my lips and aching in my throat, and tears down my cheeks and that tickles. and cheeks and tckles make me think of babies, and now I’m frowning and I feel more deeply sad and large tears roll out cause I feel wanting of a baby and a family and a ‘home’ and a ‘life’ and I feel lighter and fast exhales, like relief for clarity of what I want, and Derek crosses my mind, but he feels less important now that I feel what I really want, and that is security and love and warmth and confidence and attention and affection and protection and passion and sex and fun and action and I’m not crying and I feel tension swelling up as I began to consider being “over it” …but back to where I was going. All those things I’m wanting…I’m not getting from Derek. And that’s why I’m sad. Cause I’m not getting those things I want and I cant control him. And so I think think think about what I could have done differently so that I could’ve created a different outcome. And it’s exhausting. Head feels heavy, release and neck pops accompany thoughts of how exhausting it has been to think so hard. And the tears come rushing back, just thinking of what I’ve been putting myself through, with these thoughts. And I realize that I was blaming Derek for me not feeling good now, and that’s crazy. I do feel lonely and sad and I do want a man. And that’s it. I loved Derek, but I couldn’t stand some of his behaviour – maybe someday, he’ll come back in the picture and show me something different. In the meantime, I intend to continue taking care of myself, looking good, smelling good and feeling good. I intend to pursue all kinds of business opportunities, and I am excited to find out what I can do. I love myself and I intend to take care of me to make sure I’m as healthy vibrant and happy as can be.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:40pm

  614. 614: LucyNo Gravatar says:


    “in what way is it different?” (DE)

    This is the way it’s very different, in your words here:

    “…and his father hasn’t help us for over 6 years with anything…Somehow, the feelings of anger/frustration/expectation of him and his family to help us…owned me…” (DE)

    Very, very different situation. My kids’ father has been helping with many, many things… much more than he would even have to. And so, I don’t have those feelings you had of anger/frustration/expectation of him to help.

    The current situation for me has nothing to do with the things you have described about your own situation.

    This is about him destroying something of mine, and asking him how we can avoid that kind of situation in the future. It is an issue that directly involves him… not one that I am trying to drag him into.

    The dynamic is entirely different from how you are perceiving it.

    No, there was no urgency. I was simply trying to use Rori’s tools to handle the situation differently than in the past. But as Tinque pointed out, I really can’t trust him. So that’s that.

    The fact that you don’t believe this way was *different* from how I handled things in the past is another indication to me that perhaps this New way for me was an Old way for you. Because it certainly was not My old way. :)

    Do you understand?

    “The only differences I see,
    I no longer absolutely depend on a man…or anybody…
    I don’t flirt with my exhusband and give him or myself hopes or reconciliation…even though I don’t trust him at all;
    I am not in an imaginary relationship with anyone any longer…
    I don’t ask a man in making decisions about our son…” (DE)

    Not sure what you’re talking about there….. Are those differences between how you are now and how you used to be?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:45pm

  615. 615: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes! I think it’s time for a new name on here. I’m super google-able. See yall on the other side with a new name!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:48pm

  616. 616: DENo Gravatar says:

    I want to make a disclosure…

    There is a saying “Making a Pact with the Devil till we cross the bridge”…we, all, make this pact sometimes…more so mothers of children…

    I too had made pacts with the Devil till I crossed the bridge a few times in my life…

    For instance, after my separation and even divorce (8 months later), I continued to “see” at times my ex-husband, flirt with him at times, give him hopes lots of times, and yes even sex to diffuse disagreements…that would make me feel like puking…and that lasted for more than two years.

    Why? First, I could not afford a lawyer, I was initially unemployed with a child no medical insurance who just recovered from cancer and as a result with many physical special needs (his father quit his job when I finally had enough and called the police);

    Second, I wanted him to sign the divorce papers (I was negotiating with him for an entire summer…and it was not easy to do that with someone you feared might snap and simply kill u)…

    In my mind, I had to cross the bridge…the best I knew how at the time…he was paying very good child support…i wanted our son to go to a private preschool…and that cost a lot of money for my modest salary at the time…and to be able to maintain the house and give our son the best care possible, I did what I had to do…

    So, to all women who do what they have to do to cross the bridge, I totally understand their reason(s)…and if what they want/need from me…just accept their decision and respect it without interfering or reminding them they have better options…that’s OKAY with me…

    What I do have a problem with is when we who make these choices and pretend as if there are NO consequences to them…such as feeling awfully bad, lack of personal power, disappointment(s), continuous betrayal, lack of strong boundaries, etc…

    I believe, there is always a Cost to any compromise we make in life…owning our responsibility to being a part of the agreement, would help ease the burden and create the path to healing sooner…

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 4:59pm

  617. 617: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    noticing that I keep thinking and speaking of the same stories from our relationship because it’s over – he’s moved, And so there are these definitive “moments” and there’s this whole story now, and I have all these theories and thoughts on all these different pieces. And what good is it doing me? I think I am learning. I guess this is processing…? no. It takes me out of the moment. It’s like I’m PICKING!! Omg, this is what I do to my skin, too. That makes me think that there is a mechanism in my head that habitually picks at myself. A picking mechanism. Weird. Like a computer with a program. I’d like to remove this function from my system altogether. Rarely does a picking “session” go well. Sometimes I feel ‘productive’, but usually I dig way too deep at non-issues and wind up making a mess that sometimes gets infected, and sometimes I’m even left with scars. Wow, this feels so sad. I feel very sorry for all the scars I’ve inflicted on myself. All the opportunities that have been sabotaged. And then I feel relief, and I know that I feel scared of not having self inflicted uglifying wounds. Cause then people would see what I really look like, and how would that be? Sometimes, I see myself after a run or dancing or something, and it looks like I’m a glowing light being without any pores or physical parts – just pure light that shines beauty. And I look as beautiful and perfect as a disney princess. Even cartoon-like in the smoothing away of details that record age and trauma. I’ve only caught glimpses of myself as pure energy. Lately, I’ve felt a bit of it. I had a couple of days of dancing last week that were freaking dynamite. I feel myself coming into my own as a dancer. I feel like I am arriving at what my body always wanted to do, and I’m doing it in front of people, and they seem amazed and my heart feels on fire and my guts and mind and everything is abuzz. I feel amazed and curious about what could happen if I just keep expanding as a dancer. Wow that feels crazy to consider myself a real dancer. But, yeah – that’s what I’ve always wanted. To be a beautiful dancer with a dancer’s body.
    Okay, I feel embarrassed and self indulgent. But now defensive against NVs for wanting me to stop realizing what I want. I am glad to know that I want to dance dance dance. I am glad that I do dance dance dance!!!! I am glad to know that I want fun passionate love! And I am glad to know that I have learned a lot about myself in relationships, and that I am ready for a good one!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:07pm

  618. 618: DENo Gravatar says:


    It’s all good…I feel exhausted about continuing this dialogue…

    Yes, u did mirror me in the past…yet, it’s not my place to convince u of it…But your choices do not trigger me in an upsetting way…which it feels good to notice :)

    As Tinque once said to me in response to a personal frustration “it’s never a waste DE. it’s all lessons and growing experiences, and you change when you are ready, not a second before.”

    Warm hugs,

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:08pm

  619. 619: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    okay i have 2 men… one is mature seeming and sweet, one is rude and a ‘player’

    they both text me whatsup last night

    this morning i answer both “im feeling lovely thank you”

    one says…

    “you are very welcome. Enjoy the rest of your evening dear”

    the other one says

    “what are you talking about”


    i thought that was the end of my message

    (i feel moved and teary right now)

    but it wasnt!



    i feel delighted

    the phone starts ringing and it the ‘rude player’

    and hes like hello…

    and im like… open up… waft waft

    get curious… i wonder what he’s wearing

    hes like how are you

    i said im relaxing… feeling good in bed

    i wound up out of curiosity asking him what time he woke up

    and whats going on about his signature line on his text “everyones fake”

    and he tells me a bit of whats going on with him

    but not much

    “i doubt you’ll ever know or care about it”

    i said tahnk you

    keep opening

    and then he says can he see me… before i leave

    and i tell him my times

    oh and i said to appreciate

    it feels so good to talk to u right now! (the last time he was being rude and it felt fun yet challenging … but this time it felt good)

    and this time i shared how it felt good to be on the computer and be able to paly music and write and look something up..

    and i felt got by him

    and then i said thank you for calling!

    and he said yeah he’ll get in touch

    and it felt awesome and i ended it first! yayyyYY

    and the message was… the ‘player’ stepped up and called where the ‘nice guy’ didnt! wow!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:11pm

  620. 620: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    601 gina that was beautiful, thank you!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:13pm

  621. 621: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    DE, I don’t want to be treated this way. I don’t want to be assumed about as a mirror for you. It sure seems like you are projecting your experience onto mine and making it the same when it is not.

    Ick. That feels awful.

    I’m not surprised that my choices don’t trigger you, since they are healthy choices.

    I’m sorry for all you went through with your ex.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:14pm

  622. 622: DENo Gravatar says:


    Okay, thank you :)

    Warm hugs,

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:19pm

  623. 623: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i feel very lol.

    i don’t know why. i feel very smiling. highly amused.

    humans. LOL.

    ahahahahahahaha. let’s go to earth and play that human game. haha.

    it’ll be fun. we can create anything we desire!!! even lots of drama and adventure!

    or misery!

    whatever we want. let’s do it! Wanna? !!!

    YES! let’s go.

    but you’ll forget all this once you get there. and you’ll think you are separate from everything/everyone and you’ll forget you have magic powers.

    NO I WON’T! LET’s GO!!!!

    and wooooosssshhh

    and then wahhhhh as i come out of my mami’s womb.


    and now look at me. all twisted.


    i am rediscovering my magic powers.

    and untwisting.

    and smiling.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:36pm

  624. 624: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i have a hair product that i swear must be seven years old. i don’t often use it and when i do it is such a miniscule amount. they probably don’t even make it anymore. lol.

    i am thinking…it might be fun to try a new game. i am very smart and i like challenges (hence my choice of men) but

    anyway i think it’s really fun to get things SUPER CHEAP or FREE. i love that i can feel like i am living an $80,000 lifestyle on like twenty five grand.

    and i think maybe my new game and challenge will be real estate and maybe a little of the stock market.

    maybe i can find REALLY CHEAP properties. or maybe things don’t need to be REALLY CHEAP anymore. maybe i can play a whole new game altogether.


    ohhh now that sounds pretty fun. i can take cues from Jlo.


    yes, time for new games to keep my mind satisfied and challenged, while at the same time bringing NEW experiences into my life and MORE JOY and MORE PLEASURE and MORE EXTRAVAGANCE!


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:43pm

  625. 625: Josephine BakerNo Gravatar says:

    Can anyone see this comment?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:45pm

  626. 626: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    gosh did i tell you about the fireworks i saw on the 4th?

    I still am reveling in them. they were so good. close to sex good.

    i LOVE fireworks and every year i scout out new places and this year i hit the jackpot!

    ahhhhh i can still see them and it’s like almost a week past.

    i really must thank myself for doing that for my sweet little baby girl. she (i) had so much fun!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:46pm

  627. 627: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like being in a dunk tank

    and everytime i shout out to the world with great enthusiasm and joy then people start standing in line and PAYING (funds go directly to alias girl fund!)

    just for a chance to dunk me.


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:48pm

  628. 628: alias girlNo Gravatar says:


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:51pm

  629. 629: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Just peeked in and haven’t caught up with posts but I saw a couple and from those readings…

    I confess… I do expect to be understood when I communicate and I expect the person I speak to will base their behaviour on that too.

    So, when I say, “Yes, please I’d like the peanut butter and jelly sandwich” I expect to receive a peanut butter and jelly sandwich even though it might not be the yummy bread I like or the natural organic peanut butter or the yummy whole fruit jam. OK, I expect some kind of PBJ. I do not expect to receive a frog on a brick…

    I have expectations. I think I wrote about this some months ago.

    And further, in keeping…

    I love my expectations. 😛

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:53pm

  630. 630: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    whoa. i just saw a major handsome guy on POF. whoa.

    but here’s my new litmus test of how i am doing in my goddess evolution.


    then i may be slightly off on my vibration. i am a magnet. things FLOW to me

    and my “job” is to ALLOW and RECEIVE and APPRECIATE

    THANK YOU!!!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:56pm

  631. 631: Josephine BakerNo Gravatar says:

    what is POF?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:57pm

  632. 632: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @579: moselle


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 5:59pm

  633. 633: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Dorothea :)

    I notice that I feel a switch inside of me, where I feel like I could be genuinely happy to hear from him. Oh my goodness, the idea of hearing from him is SO triggering. Cause I haven’t heard from him in 2 months!!! sooo triggering. I love myself, I love myself, I love myself. I love my anxiety. I love the tingly feelings inside of me.

    Okay, I was feeling open for just a second to being able to connect with the guy I liked at the beginning. And it was a good moment. I’d like to get out of trigger mode and back to clear space. I love myself. I love myself for reaching out to him. I was taking care of me, or at least some part of me thinks so. I love myself. I love myself. I look forward to all the fun messages that are showing up on my phone. I look forward to fun flirtatious, scrumptious phone convos. tingly feelings. sexting. phone sex. fun gifts. dinners. adventures. dancing. sex. laughing. talking. gazing. cuddling. canoodling. fondling. eww, i dunno about that word, but it kinda does describe what i’m looking forward to, lol.

    Oh my goodness, another realization – the FIRST PERSON I NEED TO PRACTICE COMPASSION ON IS MYSELF!! I love myself and I forgive myself, as in – I give love to myself for all the lessons I had to learn in order to learn to become pure energy and light and love. I’m smearing love all over the dark spots and light is shining through!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:00pm

  634. 634: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @587: Lilybelle says:
    “…Negging is stupid….”

    Oh, so jerky… from creepy little men… ewwww… sleazy.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:02pm

  635. 635: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I feel so good! I’m going rollerblading now. Yay!!!

    I feel silly for posting that. And yet, I want to say that I do feel good because the whole process was Rori inspired, and I just want to state, for the record – inspired by Rori’s methods and Abraham Hicks, I talked myself into feeling good and vortexy. Yay!!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:03pm

  636. 636: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @617: gina

    Do I have a vortex? Am I vortexy? I don’t know anything about that. Tell me more.

    You are going blading… have fun. I’m going to the deli; I think your bottom half will look better than mine. Oh, well… next week.


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:18pm

  637. 637: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Alias girl, I love your idea of living like you make 80k on 25k. I am going to try to incorporate this in my life!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:23pm

  638. 638: DENo Gravatar says:

    About the expectation to be understood…

    The question I asked myself a while back…was…”Do I understand myself always?”…”Do what I feel, think, and/or do are always aligned?”….My answer was no…Yes, it would feel good to be understood…but there is no expectation…

    Since I can’t expect to understand myself always, I cannot expect to be understood by others always…

    Understanding this about myself, freed me from the expectation of being “got”…by the outside world…Some would get me and some would not…it’s very simple…

    I also learned not to ask questions…if I am not ready to hear the answer(s)…

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:28pm

  639. 639: DENo Gravatar says:


    There was never an intent to hurt u…by speaking my truth…and yes, I don’t expect to be understood…

    I noticed u deleted me on Fb…I would do that to someone when I would feel threatened by them…hope that was not your reason…

    I will respect your space and not comment on your posts any longer…

    Warm hugs,

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:38pm

  640. 640: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    Holy cow, it works!

    So I was CDing a lawyer. We went out a bit, and I ended up sleeping with him on a Friday night date that lasted through Saturday morning. After we parted, I didn’t hear from him, not a word. No text, no email, no phone call. I was like, ok no problem, I have 4-5 other guys in my rotation.

    The following Monday, he texted me a quick greeting, to which I replied “Back atcha,” and left it at that. Then silence.

    Friday, one week after we’d slept together, I decided to message him. I made sure that I’d be ok if he ignored and I didn’t really expect a reply. I simply texted a smiley, and he replied with “hi.” And again, I left it at that.

    And in the past, I would have been texting and emailing and more or less trying anything to get/keep his attention, to make sure he didn’t forget about me. But this new approach FEELS better! So much!!

    So that was this past Friday. Today, out of the blue, he texted me, and I didn’t mention his silence. I was just my usual self, and by the end of the text conversation, he asked me out again!

    I feel wonderful!

    My question is: is this what Rori would call “rubber banding”? Any of you have any other thoughts about this?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:38pm

  641. 641: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lobbystar, i feel so good reading about how you handled this guy, if not for the way it kept him hooked, but because it was much easier on you and your self esteem. I feel inspired!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:49pm

  642. 642: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @622: LobbyStar says:
    “…Holy cow, it works!
    …But this new approach FEELS better! So much!!
    …I feel wonderful!
    …Any of you have any other thoughts about this?…”

    Yes, a question. You sound happy and feeling wonderful is a good thing.

    What exactly is “the approach” and what is “it works” … the what you got? Do you mean you got “feeling wonderful?” Or something else?


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:50pm

  643. 643: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @623: Starla says:
    “…if not for the way it kept him hooked, but because it was much easier on you and your self esteem. I feel inspired!!…”

    I’m curious about this. Is this a “hooked” man? What does this mean? It seems like a booty call relationship. Which is OK if you are looking for rockstar kind of NSA. Is this the “hooked” you are talking about and “the kind of relationship you are seeking” and now what was done has “worked?”

    Tell me more please.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:58pm

  644. 644: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    The difficulty lies not in whether we are understood. Of Course not everyone will always understand everyone else. I don’t expect that.

    The difficulty lies in when another person *thinks* s/he understands, even *insists* s/he understands, and then makes *judgments* about a person based on that presumed understanding — even after the other person has expressed that s/he has been misunderstood.

    That, to me, is disrespectful.

    And I don’t want to be disrespected. I don’t want that in my life. I feel unsafe when I am not respected. Thus, it is a boundary for me that I am working on strengthening.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 6:59pm

  645. 645: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I mean he’s still on the hook, still flopping around in your life. not just disappeared forever.

    yes, it would be ideal if he wasn’t withdrawing.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 7:02pm

  646. 646: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla for buying me groceries
    Thank you Starla for loading the dishwasher for me
    Thank you for washing my wok
    Thank you for not eating that fish that seemed yucky
    Thank you for taking the time to look nice today
    Thank you for dressing me in heels
    Thank you for smiling at strangers
    Thank you for taking help from men even when i’m not interested in sleeping with them.
    Thank you for spending the money on great water to drink.
    Thank you for trying to find some fun and attention today.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 7:14pm

  647. 647: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla and SLV for your comments!

    First of all, what I meant by it “working,” I was referring to how great I feel, how powerful and in control, and how little I cared whether he contacted me or not. It was definitely much easier on me emotionally to not be scrambling for his attention when he withdrew. I actually ended up meeting another great guy to CD who is really stepping up to get to know me.

    What I forgot to mention was that I did not tell Lawyer yes when he asked me out again. Actually, I kind of got busy and forgot to reply to him at all. Oops.

    Whether I want him or not, he IS on the hook. And it’s my choice whether to reel him in or throw him back. I kind of like that. It’s up to me, not him. I am so digging this.

    I feel mighty.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 7:28pm

  648. 648: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @629: LobbyStar says:
    “..It’s up to me, not him. I am so digging this.
    I feel mighty…”

    Mighty is good. 😀

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 7:58pm

  649. 649: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    went running instead…
    And I was laying down on this cement thing thinking about love and stuff and I heard a sound and it was a big handsome guy with his cute big black dog. I jumped up, startled. He said “Hey!” in a friendly flirty voice. I said “hi!” but i felt nervous and I got up and started running. Then I felt all nervous and knew he was interested and I was interested, but I was the moving one, and he was slowly walking his dog. I assumed he lives in the apartment across from my beautiful building here in beautiful downtown (I love my life!). Anyhoo…I wasn’t sure where to run and how to be cause I felt simutaneously attracted and repelled by nervousness so intense, it felt close to terror! So meandered nearby. and some other guy (seemed cute, too) came by with his cute big dog. And they joked around. they were standing at the corner of a big rectangular park, and both of our apartments were kitty-corner. I decided to bolt around the rectangle and see if he times his departure with when I come back around. And he did!!!! And he said hi and asked if I run and I answered with feeling messages and felt turned on and great. but I didn’t ask him any questions, and I kind let it slip away. but then, as I was going into my apartment, I called out to him across the way: “My name is Gina, by the way…” He said “G-Gina? Hi Gina, I’m Chris”
    I said “Nice to meet you Chris” he said “You too…See you around” I said “Gnight”

    And I feel good about that!!!! YAY!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:14pm

  650. 650: Josephine BakerNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lobby Star: Reading that feels so good and motivates me 2 get my CDing on!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:17pm

  651. 651: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Yay me!

    I sent in two applications for teaching positions in Switzerland.

    Also one for a teaching position back home.

    Tomorrow, I’ll look for some non-teaching jobs that I might be happy doing.

    I feel better having done something positive today. My fingers are crossed that the universe will deliver what I need.

    baby steps…

    Good night sirens!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:17pm

  652. 652: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV, here is info about the vortex:

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:19pm

  653. 653: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    632: Go Mel!!

    I used to live in Switzerland, very beautiful there! Best wishes to you!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:22pm

  654. 654: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really sad right now. LP just called me and told me that he doesn’t have any friends and I told him that we were friends and we could talk about whatever he wanted he told me that he couldn’t tell me everything because I might be upset or blamey. Do you think eventually I can change his mind???

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:24pm

  655. 655: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Gina, when I was at the grocery store today, there were a couple of men interested in me, and i did say hello, and smile, but when they came to actually make solid contact with me, i brushed them off.

    i felt terrified! eep!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:39pm

  656. 656: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    636: Starla

    I work in a grocery store. It’s a great place to meet men!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:45pm

  657. 657: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I think the biggest reason I felt terrified was because they worked there, and they were both just totally catering to me like i am some sort of goddess they feel compelled to worship. It was an odd experience…one that I constantly crave but routinely back down from.

    i think feeling shameful and undeserving probably has a lot do with that.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 8:52pm

  658. 658: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I felt scared because i didn’t feel attracted to them (though they’re not ugly guys or anything) yet i wanted attention and of course i want to let people help me and make my life easier…in the end they did each do something special to help me after much persistence thru my brush offs, and it was like…huge relief for them. like, “please, lady, let me help you in some way!!”

    It. felt. terrifying.

    I also feel special and cute and unworthy and afraid of feeling that way. Not sure what to do with that. Scared I will be “leading them on” since i dont automatically want to fantasize about him on any level.

    I think Daria has talked about this before but I can’t remember what she said. I’m not sure what to do with all this.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:05pm

  659. 659: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @633: gina

    Thanks. I watched the video about (my) lovers moving into and out of the vortex so somebody will be there for me when I step into ithe vortex

    I have the impression of jumping Double Dutch and watching for just the right second to jump in to get the best Sweetie!


    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:13pm

  660. 660: DENo Gravatar says:

    Lucy #626:

    “And I don’t want to be disrespected. I don’t want that in my life. I feel unsafe when I am not respected. Thus, it is a boundary for me that I am working on strengthening.”

    I feel glad to had been of help…

    Just know subconscious is a mother f*ucker!!! It brings out its ugly head under beautiful things such as “disrespect”…

    Warm hugs,

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:21pm

  661. 661: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i notice i feel “off with their heads” a lot. with Everybody. hehe.

    i believe as my self-esteem gets better and better i will feel less threatened and more wanting to befriend people rather than behead them.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:24pm

  662. 662: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    DE, what do you mean?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:40pm

  663. 663: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh SLV, I love that visual!! That makes me feel like I haven’t screwed it up – I really am waiting for just the right moment. I feel great about meeting Chris! I feel compelled to note negatives, but I’m going to choose to not go there. It feels like picking…I’ll stay with the good feelings – it feels good to connect with all kinds of men. Especially cute ones. i love magic connecty chemistry – sparkles in the air, trailing off fingertips! I love it when I feel sparks flying when I dance. I Love Sparkles!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:51pm

  664. 664: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I just realized that he said we were in a relationship. It doesn’t really feel like one though…well maybe the begins of one.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:52pm

  665. 665: moselleNo Gravatar says:

    I posted earlier about my breakup. I’m hurting. I didn’t realize how much I cared about him. But is it too late? Do ex boyfriends ever come back and things are happily ever after? No, I won’t call him. I started reading my “have the relationship I want” book again. But when I did the first exercise of visualizing I started thinking about him and then the heartache and tears come cause it feels hopeless and I can’t believe he is not here and lost the love. What did I do wrong? I guess lots. I wish he were the one who was in pain rather than me and him chasing me down. He used to.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 9:58pm

  666. 666: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    TINQUE, LP, EVERYONE, really,

    Haven’t been online due to demanding sched then taking 2 days off for alone time.

    The only communication I’ve had with Adam was him putting LIKE on a few of my stat updates and pics on FB during his stay in Germany. I did nothing back for I felt they were crumbs.

    I haven’t heard from him at all since. I don’t like that and don’t know what to do.

    And I feel even more bothered that some fan of his in Bulgaria is now planning to visit him on his TX trip in Aug and they say ‘love you’ to each other on their wall and pics. Evidently, they’ve been complimenting each others’ pics since June 1. I dismissed it as just a fan, but ‘love you’ isn’t ‘I love you’ but he’s never said that to me. He’s told me, “I like you. A lot.” And “xoxo.” And “I want to be with you forever.”

    Once again, words meant for another woman from him and not me. Just like the letter that still haunts me.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:41pm

  667. 667: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn that sounds like torture! I wish you good feelings!!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:49pm

  668. 668: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    It seems like the “likes” were the love he was giving you and you weren’t a vibrational match…which says to me that what he is giving you isn’t feeling good for you, and I hope you can get good feelings elsewhere.

    I have trigerred myself up a STORM by reading into Facebook behavior.

    It feels awful to read your lament about his words to other women. Ugh…feels awful. And yet, of course we all have feelings and relationships with all kinds of people, and love comes and goes – I don’t know why we even try to be someone’s one and only…

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:54pm

  669. 669: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    at the preschool, when the kids have little romances, they switch lovers often and don’t seem to get jealous.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 10:58pm

  670. 670: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm…I’m going to try some of the things mentioned here on the blog by Daria, et al…
    Like when I’m talking with a man or on a date and things seem disconnected or weird or boring…I will LOOK FOR THE MESSAGE….

    And also…feel curious about things about the man who is talking to me so I am present in the moment with him…

    I am excited to try these.

    The cute guy I work with showed up on Friday unexpectedly…I was happy to see him (so cuuutte) and also happy to find out none of the (drop dead gorgeous) gals I work with have any interest in him. They like his boss. LOL…haha they can have the boss, I’ll take the other.

    The thing is, he is soo respectful and a bit shy, I barely say more than hi or bye to him. I’ve been open and jokey/flirty with him but not to much b/c I don’t want to lean forward.

    How to get his attention??? Maybe I can try the waterwheel and “I’m all that” ??

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:31pm

  671. 671: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Should I write him:

    Just saw your ‘LIKE’ on my stat updates and pic the other day. You have so much energy and vigor. I mean, wow, i’m shocked you weren’t too tired to emit the two keystrokes of a click for an fb LIKE after writing that letter to your ex and saying ‘love you’ to some other chick.

    By the way, why I agreed to read that letter, I have no idea. As much as I felt grateful and warm for you confiding in me, the letter still haunts me. I felt like an uninvited intruder to words meant for another woman from a previous life you shared with another woman. I didn’t want to mention it that day because I didn’t want to put pressure on you as you had already had a gut wrenching past few weeks. And it truly didn’t hit me until the next morning.

    Since we’ve re-acquainted in May, I felt an, intimate and emotional closeness to you. Very close. Giving me another chance meant a lot to me. It pains me that a guy I’ve obviously expressed that to can treat it as hasty disregard by ceasing communication with me except for a few fb ‘LIKES’ peppered in upon his convenience.

    Adam, I really like you; I still like you, and still feel giving up on us so soon mid-January was the biggest mistake in my life. But I value myself and the abundance I’ve created for myself this year to continue torturing myself by just being regarded as some distant friend. I also draw the line at sharing a man’s love, lust, and attention with other women- past or present.

    If we ever live in the same city again, I feel open to possibilities. But currently, I’m worth more than waiting.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:32pm

  672. 672: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Im happy because I ended up spending time with friends this weekend where usually I’m alone a lot, and I get depressed and isolated and panicky and then I go spend money.

    I realized something. Sometimes i think I go spend money just so I feel like I’m out doing something with the rest of society! To prove I exist, see! I bought something! toothpaste! I exist!!!!!! It’s proof!!!!

    Also, it’s an excuse to have someone to talk to…i.e., going to the Lancome counter and spending $200 on makeup over about an hour of trying stuff on and talking to the girls that work there. It’s social for me. But EXPENSIVE. Well those days are over for me, because now my budget has changed with the times…LOL…maybe that is why I’m feeling my loneliness more? I can’t shop it away. I think my Mom does the same thing, BTW.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:35pm

  673. 673: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, I totally relate. That was me for YEARS until hard $$$ times hit when I changed jobs.

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:44pm

  674. 674: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn, Ugh….yes, my $$ situation has changed big time…I thought I’d be a lot better off at this age. LOL

    Anyway, the thing is, that it was totally artificial, but it “worked”…I always felt better after buying a bunch of cool stuff….or just stuff!!

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:50pm

  675. 675: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn 652
    I know you have a lot to say to Adam…but I don’t know if you should give him that note. It sounds like you really poured out your feeings, which is good! But….have you ever thought about it’s good that you wrote it, but you don’t have to actually deliver it?

    Sunday, 10 July 2011 @ 11:54pm

  676. 676: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i think
    i would feel good
    to manifest

    for the universe to
    well, the universe already has
    it is DONE!

    mmm. i feel nervous to admit it.
    i feel curious to get involved in making music somehow.

    maybe trance or drum and bass.
    dance-y club kind of music.

    i LOVE reggaeton but i don’t have an interest in listening to female reggaeton. ack! so hardly would want to make it.

    but i think my voice might do well with the other stuff. and maybe some far out futuristic kind of music.

    doesn’t need to be top 10 kind of stuff.

    i feel really scared.

    music was always my first love/ choice in life. always. i just didn’t think i could do it. the NV had talked me out of it very early on.

    i feel close to tears to write this. oh, well here they come. hello tears.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:01am

  677. 677: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:


    But is sending him the letter, me being authentic?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:08am

  678. 678: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    AG, omfg I despise reggaeton. Sorry Ella, I know Zumba classes love it. Can someone make an 80s new wave Zumba class?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:10am

  679. 679: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn. that’s cool. i still LOVE reggaeton! :)

    but not with female singers in reggaeton, like i said. i wish i could find a place to go dance it and sex it up on the dance floor with some HOT hispanic men!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:30am

  680. 680: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    I feel torn.

    Not sending him the letter = Rori’s ‘closure is a myth/stay on your horse’

    Sending it = communicating and being authentic

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:31am

  681. 681: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i’ve actually been searching online. in fact even earlier today. i found this one place but then it looked like it had been baught out by a celebrity chef and now the place has flamenco and jazz nights instead of reggaeton.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:32am

  682. 682: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    ah, it feels so exciting to find things i am excited about. there are more things than i could possibly do in one lifetime.

    hmmm i guess i’ll have to come back!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:35am

  683. 683: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    that was such a funny image i read earlier of one of the siren’s talking about ordering a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and getting served a frog on a brick. lol.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:36am

  684. 684: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    661 TINQUE, LP, everyone…

    My REAL question is, which option is more seductive to a man? Which attracts, compels, makes me appear of higher value to him? The first option or calling him on his sh1t?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 1:29am

  685. 685: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Kaitlyn. I’d say the first option of not contacting him is the more seductive of the two. If you contact him first, you’re leaning forward and that only pushes them away.

    If I were you, I’d do whatever it takes to get him out of my mind and just concentrate on me and CDing other men, or even just enjoying alone time.

    You’re not in a relationship with him, so you’re free to get out there and meet someone wonderful who’s probably in a better position to be able to give you what you want.

    And who knows… you might begin to wonder what you saw in him in the first place, as the quality of the guys you meet improves!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:12am

  686. 686: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Goodmorning Dear Sirens!

    The first thing I stumbled upon this morning was this post on…lying on the floor and the Hindu Goddess Akhilandeshvari, The goddess of never not broken.–julie-jc-peters/

    Sounds familiair, doesn’t it? 😉

    Hope you will all have a splendid day :)

    XXX Marina

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:19am

  687. 687: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I am so grateful to Rori for opening my eyes to the inner workings of the male brain, and the past few weeks I’ve been aware of how my guy (let’s call him TH) acts around me – it’s changed a lot!

    When I started to feel as though I’d rather be alone than deal with the drama associated with being with him and began saying/acting like it was so, he really stepped up. I was leaning so far back at this stage that I nearly fell over! 😉

    And while I’m not CDing other men (I sooo cannot be in a sexually exclusive “relationship” with one guy while dating others – too complicated for me!), I AM CDing myself, my daughters and my friends and I’m loving it!

    As a result of this, he’s inviting himself over more often and spending more time with me, and on Friday after work he was going to another pub for drinks and invited me to join him. I told him I was already going for drinks at another pub with some friends but might catch up with him later (no expectations and really didn’t care what he did). And what does he do? He changes his mind and goes to the same pub I was going to! Hehe! Afterwards he invited himself over to my place and cooked me dinner! Awww! :))

    I’ve always been a control freak and looking back I know I was putting my expectations on him and it was backfiring BIG time!

    But now that I’m leaning back, he’s stepping up, he’s making an effort and I feel WONDERFUL! And what’s even better is that if he ended things with me tomorrow, I KNOW I would be fine! :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:25am

  688. 688: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to put a picture of Akilanda in my house :)

    And also of some male god, any ideas?

    Actually I already have some images, I have a copy of a beautiful sensual painting of Eve by Franz von Stuck on my bedroom door (exacty the one that is shown on his Wikipedia page).

    And I have a copy of a painting that is called Dissonanz (also by Franz von Stuck) where you see a beautiful Pan holding his hands on his ears bc his son makes such an awful noise.

    Also I have a copy of a painting by Degas on Spartan youth, where spartan girls provoke spartan boys.

    Yeah, I want to put up more paintings :)

    And more photographs :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:30am

  689. 689: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Woohoo Butterfly Wings 668, that sounds great,
    good for you :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:36am

  690. 690: RenskiNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, I have a question…at mo I have two guys in rotation. One of the guys is an engineer, very intelligent. He’s being a man, calling, picking me up etc. I told him ‘I don’t want to go there’ at a suggestion and he said ok babe and came up with something else – it was fun as I’d never been so blunt before! lol. But he’s said a couple of times ‘I’ve been hurt before, don’t want to be hurt again’ and I just want opinions…could he be a ‘needy’ guy? He’s really into me but I’m a bit foggy on whether it’s a true needy vibe vs he’s into me and just expressing himself. I’ve never come across this before.

    Thanks xo

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:51am

  691. 691: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Marina. I think the hardest thing for me has been the control part. I’ve always had to plan and organise things (because I felt that if I didn’t do it with my ex’s, then nobody would do it), and I can tell it drives TH CRAZY when I do that. So now I’m just letting it go and trusting that he will take care of everything – and he does!

    It’s funny cos we were watching P.S. I love you on TV the other night and the guy was arguing with his wife about how she always had to plan everything and why couldn’t she just relax and just let things be. TH later said something about that and said “See? If you keep trying to plan things, I’ll get a brain tumor like the guy in the movie!”. Har har…

    He is perfectly capable of taking the reins and I need to learn to trust him that he’ll do a good job. TH is such a masculine man too, so I can see how me letting things go is helping things between us too. Loving that!

    Marina, I can’t help with gods I’m afraid… :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:54am

  692. 692: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder who /Akilanda is/

    Rori’s LVOE SCRIPTS is changing my life!

    omg it feels so amazing to be with a guy and use CURIOSITY

    and i see how many times i WANT TO CHECK OUT

    and instead i patiently and gently get curious about him

    and i feel connected the whole time

    and i look him IN HIS EYES when i speak my feeling messages

    and they make ME feel GOOD


    yes yes yes yes yes yes yes esy


    and these were men that before werent ready

    i feel teary


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:32am

  693. 693: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I LOVE! the image i found of Akhilanda!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:34am

  694. 694: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    JEs*Us christ this goddess is amazing! i feel blessed to have this come to me

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:35am

  695. 695: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Akhilandeshvari, The Always Broken Goddess

    Akhilanda derives her power from being broken: in flux, pulling herself apart, living in different, constant selves at the same time, from never becoming a whole that has limitations.

    The thing about going through sudden or scary or sad transitions is that one of the things you lose is your future: your expectations of what the story of your life so far was going to become. When you lose that partner or that job or that person, your future dissolves in front of you.

    And of course, this is terrifying.

    But look, Akhilanda says, now you get to make a choice. In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way, and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again: to choose how you want to put yourself back together. Confusion can be an incredible teacher—how could you ever learn if you already had it all figured out?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:36am

  696. 696: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    look how this goes with Rori’s tools!

    “This goddess has another interesting attribute, which is, of course, her ride: a crocodile.

    Crocodiles are interesting in two ways: Firstly, Stoneberg explains that the crocodile represents our reptilian brain, which is where we feel fear. Secondly, the predatory power of a crocodile is not located in their huge jaws, but rather that they pluck their prey from the banks of the river, take it into the water, and spin it until it is disoriented. They whirl that prey like a dervish seeking God, they use the power of spin rather than brute force to feed themselves.

    By riding on this spinning, predatory, fearsome creature, Akhilanda refuses to reject her fear, nor does she let it control her. She rides on it. She gets on this animal that lives inside the river, inside the flow. She takes her fear down to the river and uses its power to navigate the waves, and spins in the never not broken water. Akhilanda shows us that this is beautiful.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:38am

  697. 697: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    . Stoneberg writes:

    Akhilanda is also sometimes described in our lineage like a spinning, multi-faceted prism. Imagine the Hope Diamond twirling in a bright, clear light. The light pouring through the beveled cuts of the diamond would create a whirling rainbow of color. The diamond is whole and complete and BECAUSE it’s fractured, it creates more diverse beauty. Its form is a spectrum of whirling color.

    Photo: Justin Graham
    That means that this feeling of confusion and brokenness that every human has felt at some time or another in our lives is a source of beauty and colour and new reflections and possibilities.

    If everything remained the same, if we walked along the same path down to the river every day until there was a groove there (as we do; in Sanskrit this is called Samskara, habits or even “some scars”), this routine would become so limited, so toxic to us that, well, the crocs would catch on, and we’d get plucked from the banks, spun and eaten.

    So now is the time, this time of confusion and brokenness and fear and sadness, to get up on that fear, ride it down to the river, dip into the waves, and let yourself break. Become a prism.

    All the places where you’ve shattered can now reflect light and colour where there was none. Now is the time to become something new, to choose a new whole.

    But remember Akhilanda’s lesson: even that new whole, that new, colourful, amazing groove that we create, is an illusion. It means nothing unless we can keep on breaking apart and putting ourselves together again as many times as we need to. We are already “never not broken.” We were never a consistent, limited whole. In our brokenness, we are unlimited. And that means we are amazing.

    quoted from JC peters–julie-jc-peters/

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:41am

  698. 698: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my manifesting powers are amazing and i feel overwhlemed to fit all teh fun in my life

    i have men constantly calling to take me otu AT TIMES CONVERNIENT TO ME i dont even feel lonely anymore

    yum the CURIOSITY tool is amazing and the LOVE SCRIPTS ARE AMAZING and it feels so freeing i practiced the intimacy lover scripts and not shutting down about sex

    yes yes yes yes yes

    oh yes

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:43am

  699. 699: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i passive agressively don’t answer texts!!!

    “is there somethign i need to know? are you mad at me?”

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 4:27am

  700. 700: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh i see marina put up the link!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 4:38am

  701. 701: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    in the past this man did not kiss me but now he wanted to and asked several times and the mood turned all romantic and it felt lovely!


    and ui felt open to it … it felt easy to get close … i had practice with hawkman and dates

    yum yum

    i can bring out to hawkman that ive been feeling angry

    that i feel like a control freak around dating

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:06am

  702. 702: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn, if you send the letter it sounds as you are trying to Convince him which is one of the big no-no’s according to Christian Carter. Don’t send the letter. Don’t accept crumbs.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:23am

  703. 703: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Oh Mel~

    Can I go with you to Switzerland? I have never allowed myself to dream so big!


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:36am

  704. 704: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Nope, Kaitlyn. I wouldn’t send it. You can be open, authentic and communcative when he contacts you.


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:38am

  705. 705: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Lilybelle,

    You SHOULD come! Not sure yet if this is what will work out, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to apply… you never know!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:03am

  706. 706: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 507 Lilybelle I felt mama hen type of pride for you reading that. You are a rockstar.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:09am

  707. 707: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 626 Lucy something I learnt from Dr. Paul in CCarter’s From Casual to Committed, we don’t have to build walls around our boundaries. We can also use doors that allow people in and out. Walls keep them completely out and create a smaller world for ourselves. Doors allow for agreements/disagreements and interdependence where we can choose to go in and out of intimacy. For me doors feel more comfortable to use, especially with a history of using walls.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:13am

  708. 708: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:



    I have a good feeling, Mel. No matter what comes your way, girl.. You are going to be A-OK. Better than are going to be FABULOUS!

    I just know it and you can’t mess with my “feelings”.

    Waiting in the email from you, Sister. 😉

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:28am

  709. 709: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Lil, Oh… I sent you an email. Did it not come through?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:30am

  710. 710: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 652 Kaitlyn from my perspective

    Para 1: Comes across a bit bitter and sarcastic. Not sure how that would help you if you are looking to build harmony.

    Para 2: I can imagine him feeling shocked and blamed. You agreed to read the letter, no one was holding a gun to your head. I can imagine him thinking of you as being fake, maybe reading the letter was a camouflage to get close/connected with him to get something for yourself that he does not want to give?

    Para 3: Initially feels warm but then goes to what your expectations are and why you want to hook/trap him. Then it goes into blame.

    Para 4: This goes into trying to convince him and to me obviously putting your feelings second to his. Remember you can only draw a line for yourself not others. Also if you do why would you need to reach out communicate that rather than just going out and tunnel visioned focussing on your own happiness? What is the charge you have for expressing this?

    Para 5: In his shoes I would wonder about the truth around you being open.

    Sorry if I come across harsh but just wanted to share how I experience the comments

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:31am

  711. 711: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not sad anymore about R’s decision. It wasn’t a painful sadness anyway, more still. I felt sad when I was sharing something I was looking forward to doing once I move and he said he was happy to hear I would be taking such good care of myself while we are apart as he thinks we have to go our separate ways while we work on being together. That felt bad and tears rolled down my cheeks. When I asked if he would clarify that for me because I felt sad and confused he said at the moment he really needs to concentrate on how he is getting to Canada to be with me, his finances, his job options and setting a date and that its really important to him that he does these things by himself and he’d prefer not to talk about them at all until he has worked out the details. He doesn’t want his stuff to be a burden or a source of worry for me. Ok, well, that’s R. He is the strong, silent type who takes care of his business on his own. He says he still wants me to share my plans with him but that he won’t feel able to make plans together until he has a date set.

    I shared with him that I would feel better if we were making plans for our new life together. I feel excited and nervous about this big change. He said he understood and he’d be there for me but his focus was on getting there for now and once he sets a date he will be in a place to make plans.

    He did ask that I wait so we can find an apartment together when he gets there, if its not too inconvenient for me. So I understand that he does want to do this together but as I have a date and he doesn’t he is not where I am yet. I feel a little selfish for wanting him to be where I am. I love my selfishness and I feel glad that I took the time to understand him before I let my nv’s go into overdrive :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:31am

  712. 712: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:



    Try that. I sure could have put the wrong one out here. LOL!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:33am

  713. 713: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:



    Thank you! It’s been a ride, hasn’t it. 😉

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:35am

  714. 714: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 694 Yep and watching/feeling the vibe change has been incredible.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:37am

  715. 715: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 692 ((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) Kyla. He sounds like the type of man that CCarter talks about. They seem to focus on putting their lives together when they are certain about us.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:41am

  716. 716: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ok… see if that went through Lilybelle. :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:44am

  717. 717: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Kyla!

    When are you moving? Men do tend to get ultra-focused when they are trying to figure stuff out… difficult for us, especially when we are natural “planners” and like the security of knowing what comes next.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:46am

  718. 718: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    kaitlyn – First of all different words mean different things to different people. I keep getting this energy from A which comes through you here that he is being very careful about what he says to you.

    He knows he’s too much of a mess right now to be in a relationship and has told you as much.

    For all you know xoxo means so much more to him than love you to some random chick.

    An example: K always says we have sex, rarely if we make love. For years this was a small thorn in my side. I remember once he was describing a scene is some play he had seen, and he mentioned that the actors were making love on stage. I felt terrible hearing this. I remember thinking that he can’t call what we do making love yet he can about two actors faking on stage. ???? wtf I thought.

    I know now that the words having sex carries as much if not more meaning to K, so….

    You just don’t know where he’s coming from.

    Secondly I suggest no letter. It feels clingy and blaming.


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:50am

  719. 719: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    You are making my eyes wet, FW.

    I am really getting somewhere, aren’t I?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 6:54am

  720. 720: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    697: Mel~

    You are so dang cute!


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:01am

  721. 721: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the hugs!

    I’m moving in 6 weeks. In the middle of packing up the things I want to ship over and helping my mom as she works full time and is finding it too much.

    Visiting my bff who lives 6 hours away from me this weekend. Going camping with 12 friends next weekend. I feel excited having fun things scheduled with people I love :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:02am

  722. 722: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Kyla, that sounds like a blast!

    Re: 701 Thanks Lilybelly! :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:06am

  723. 723: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wow – You are becoming an Attraction Magnet for What you Want – in life and in love!
    · What have you attracted?
    · What has become clear for you?
    · Did you face any fears or limiting beliefs?
    · Do you need some support?

    Answer these questions honestly so that you can continue to create the life you want and attract the love that you want!
    You have been working on Step Three, SPECIFYING what you want your perfect mate to expect of you. You were creating a long list of what you wanted your mate to expect of you, believing that your perfect partner wants for you what you want for you. Hopefully, you had fun designing your life and YOU!

    It’s time for the last step – this is an ongoing, daily practice that you are developing. The more attention you put to your Attraction Recipe, the higher your vibration and the stronger the signal you are sending into the universe to receive it back to you.

    This is where you identify the actions that you can take to move you toward the life and relationship you are designing so that love can last.

    In Step Four you are going to look at what you have written in Step Three,

    And highlight those areas you would like to improve in order to be most like that person you want to be and so attract that perfect person for you!

    Step Four is where shifts occur, more awareness is visible, and action from an inspired place of love takes place. Additionally, this step helps you to understand that to attract you must BE what you have written on your plan. You will also see where you need to take action that will further step you into the direction of what you have written. Lastly, it shows you where you may have blockages or beliefs that are interfering with you attracting what you say that you want.

    Your Attraction Recipe contains the ingredients for your perfect life! Step Four helps you to clarify and define this, and make the changes that you need to allow it into existence. It helps you tap into your innate wisdom. It allows you tap into love!


    Who Do I Have to Be to attract what I say I want?
    Look at your list from Step 3, and select 3 areas that you have decided you are ready to place your attention and improve.
    Choose 2 that are easy, and 1 more difficult

    What is stopping you from allowing this into your life? Who do you have to be to manifest it? What changes must take place? This step can change your life if you look deeply to see what is getting in the way – limiting beliefs? – Judgments from others? – Low self esteem?

    Whatever you have written in Step Three, you must tap into the energy of someone who attracts what you have written; it is a declaration first, and then the inspired taking of ACTION that draws your desires to you!

    Set some realistic and measurable goals to have the life you say you want.

    Look at your list and select 3 areas that you have decided you are ready to place your attention and improve.
    Choose 2 that are easy, and 1 more difficult.

    Areas of Focus

    1. Easy Goal

    2. More Difficult Goal

    3. Easy Goal

    Now that you have 3 Goals, List 3 Actions Steps for Each One

    Goal 1

    1. Action step

    2. Action step

    3. Action step

    Goal 2

    1. Action step

    2. Action step

    3. Action step

    Goal 3

    1. Action step

    2. Action step

    3. Action step

    Your energy can shift from moment to moment. It is the energy behind what you are saying, feeling, and doing, so by shifting into the energy of somehow who is what you say you want, you are more attractive to others, yourself, and the universe always gives back to you what it is receiving in energy from you. Choose to energize your life by setting goals, and taking consistent INSPIRED action toward them.

    From Step Three – If I stated that I wanted my perfect partner to expect me to be happy most of the time and have a positive outlook, am I really living that?

    Do I complain?
    Do I find fault with people and things?
    Am I judgmental?
    Are my online posts reflecting a positive attitude?
    Does everyone know how miserable my dating experiences or lack thereof are?

    What is your goal and what are 3 steps you can take?

    From Side Three, – If I stated that I wanted my perfect partner to expect me to be happy and energized about my career?

    Am I?

    What changes do I need to make to be there?

    · What is your ENERGY around the goal and the actions?

    · Is this something that YOU really want, or you think you should want?

    · Is there a belief that is standing in your way?

    · Is it inspiring you to smile and take action from a place of love and joy?

    Are you excited to invite your perfect relationship in? Are you READY?

    Here’s to your JOY, LOVE and SUCCESS!

    Cheri Valentine

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:07am

  724. 724: rustyNo Gravatar says:

    178: Senior Lady Vibe

    Excellent Rusty! I thought you might have encouraged Mel to move out. I’m happy that I was wrong about that.


    Not sure where you got that idea. I feel really bad for Mel and would like to see her get to a good, clean and safe place where she can get her energy back. I can think of nothing better at the moment than finding some woman or women near to her age that she can form great friendships with. I’ve seen women who were friends do this by finding roommates. It gives you somebody new to get to know and comrades to go conquer the town with.

    She might even meet a hot friend of a boyfriend that way. She’s a pretty girl so she won’t have a problem finding a new guy…one who appreciates her.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:09am

  725. 725: MelNo Gravatar says:

    You too Lil- you Meg Ryan look-alike! :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:14am

  726. 726: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:



    Heard that a few times in my life. 😉

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:16am

  727. 727: MelNo Gravatar says:


    Rusty I appreciate your advice/support! You have been quite helpful! I hope things are going well for you! :)

    I also love you SLV! You make me smile, you have great advice, and I love that you always encourage me to go out dancing, AND you have great taste in movies! :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:20am

  728. 728: rustyNo Gravatar says:

    706: Mel says:

    You too Lil- you Meg Ryan look-alike! :)


    Hmmmm…may be room on my Harley after all. 😉

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:20am

  729. 729: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Ahw, I think that is very sweet Rusty :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:23am

  730. 730: rustyNo Gravatar says:

    708: Mel says:


    Rusty I appreciate your advice/support! You have been quite helpful! I hope things are going well for you! :)


    They seem to be, but I copied this down to show my wife.


    A woman’s feminine energy can counter all that
    masculine energy with things that are about “being” and sensuality. Soft touches, and appealing to his senses with things like music and candles can INSPIRE a man to become more affectionate with you. Just don’t make the mistake of falling back
    into talking about the relationship, why you’re
    worried, and what he’s doing “wrong.” All that’s going to do is just push him deeper down into himself where he’ll start to doubt your future together.
    By being more of a feminine presence around him
    with more sensual and soothing words and touches,
    you’ll make him feel MORE masculine, and more of a
    “man.” This in turn also inspires him to be more
    nurturing and loving toward you.
    Talking, complaining, criticizing or nagging
    does NOT inspire a man to give genuine affection.
    It only makes him feel INEFFECTIVE and
    unappreciated for the things he believes he needs
    to do in order to be a good “provider” for you.


    It was posted above and seems to be very appropriate to our situation.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:24am

  731. 731: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @642: alias girl says:
    “…i notice i feel “off with their heads” a lot…”

    I’ll send “The Red Queen” over to you, as needed. Over the years I haven’t seen her much but every now and then a little help is required. 😆

    I could have used her for the past eight days but there is now a loll in my skirmishes with Google… so we shall see. I’ll give up possession of the hill in order to win the war… I’m a mighty strategic babe.


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:28am

  732. 732: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl, I feel happy to read what you write here, it sounds very joyfull and creative and I want to giggle and join you :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:28am

  733. 733: rustyNo Gravatar says:

    I bought something at bed Bath and Beyond the other night. It was one of those Percussion Massagers. It was pretty cheap at $30 and well worth the money. Wife used it on my back for a long time.

    I used it on hers, but it was her legs and especially her calves where she wanted it the most. They were hard as a rock wen i first started by soft and relaxed when I finished. She thinks it is because she started wearing high heels at the office again, after wearing flats for a while.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:31am

  734. 734: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @644: gina

    I’m glad you enjoyed it. It’s what came to mind when I watched the video you put up for me. I’m not a LOA person but I learn from everything… and what can I say… I’ve been sleeping with an invisible man for over three months… LOL 😆


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:33am

  735. 735: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Get out there and buy that Harley and turn your wife in to a hot biker babe.

    It’s so dang much fun!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:34am

  736. 736: rustyNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, I think she will enjoy riding on the back. I want her to get one of her own also, but I’m not going to hold my breath on that one. LOL

    In the end, I need one with a side car so that I can take her and my daughter at the same time.

    BTW, here is that massager and I highly recommend it.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:38am

  737. 737: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I prefer to be the passenger. It is so relaxing to me and I zone out and take it all of the fabulous smells and scenery.

    I keep thinking I’ll buy my own..I’m on a three year debt free plan…YAY ME! And that will be my reward for all my hard work.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:42am

  738. 738: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From Carol Allen

    Well, if the love you feel is connected to what a man is doing, then when love “lulls” occur (and they do for ALL of us – even those of us that are happily married!), you likely feel badly.

    Lonely… unattractive.. bored.. insecure.. sure you’re doomed to end up alone. Gulp.

    And this very feeling can be felt by the man in your life, or any men you meet and make things even WORSE. Double gulp!

    What if I told you there’s another way?

    That the love you feel doesn’t depend on anything or anyone, but is actually INSIDE of you? And that the more love you feel, the more you ‘ll attract?

    I know, I know… it sounds like a lot of new- age mumbo jumbo, and like it has nothing to do with your life. (Not to mention, it’s offensive… of COURSE you want attention and love from others. It’s called being human!)

    Here’s the good news – I don’t mean to offend.


    Did you know that someone standing within ten feet of you can feel your feelings, even if you’re doing nothing to show them?

    This has been proven in scientific studies.

    Just by standing near someone, even with your back turned, without showing anything in your facial expression or saying a word, they can feel your energy.

    Your vibes, man… :)

    And if they’re good, others will feel good around you.

    And if they’re not… they won’t.

    But changing your feelings sounds like hard work.

    You likely think it takes years of therapy… or a lot of effort… like daily exercise and meditation and a dietary over-haul.

    Well, even by just focusing your intention for a few seconds, and breathing differently, you can dramatically alter your feelings for the better. (It’s been proven in a laboratory setting that anyone can easily do this! You just need to know how.)


    One of the most powerful ways to attract a great man, is to be “in your heart.”

    It sounds trite, but it’s so true…

    Here’s the thing – men are drawn to women because we help them feel their feelings… and sex and love help men to get into their own more tender feelings.

    And healthy men like that. (Unhealthy men are TERRIFIED of their more tender feelings, however. It’s a good way to tell which kind of man you’re with…)

    But you have to be in YOUR tender feelings to inspire a man to get into his.

    So how do you do this “getting into your heart” thing?

    It has to be authentic… and I’m NOT talking about being all emotional and oozing them all over a guy. (They DO NOT like that! I’m sure you’ve noticed.)

    No. But I am talking about being positive and heart-centered. Everyone likes this – children, animals, your friends, your coworkers, your family… not just men. Again, this can sound super airy-fairy, but it’s actually been proven that when you’re connected to your heart, others can feel it.

    But guess what else? It’s also been proven that when you’re in your heart, you make better choices and you end up far better off than when you just listen to your logic and reason. It’s not just “talk” when we say, “My heart wasn’t into it…” or “I knew in my heart of hearts, it wasn’t for me.” Nope. Your heart actually has neurons – its own BRAIN – and makes emotional decisions WITHOUT needing to get input from the one in your skull.

    So when you’re “in your heart” you get the amazing DOUBLE WHAMMY benefit of being both more attractive to others, and making better choices of what others to let into your life. It’s not just a wives’ tale that “your heart knows” what’s best for you.

    It actually does.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:48am

  739. 739: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lilybelle that sounds great :)

    I’ve 6 months left of my debt free plan and I want to celebrate with a really cool treat too. Hmm so much choice!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 7:48am

  740. 740: rustyNo Gravatar says:

    718: Lilybelle says:

    I prefer to be the passenger. It is so relaxing to me and I zone out and take it all of the fabulous smells and scenery.

    I keep thinking I’ll buy my own..I’m on a three year debt free plan…YAY ME! And that will be my reward for all my hard work.


    Yeah, i like for my woman to ride with me also. But I also like the idea of being able to ride together, as in me on my bike and her on hers.

    I also know what you mean about all of the smells and stuff, but the truth is, for some reason, I do not like riding on the back of a motorcycle at all. Maybe it’s a control thing. Also, I seem to be relaxed enough while riding that I don’t feel I miss anything by actually controlling the bike. I have enough awareness that I can look around while I ride. I’ve also been through a couple of schools for riding. Learned the hard way to teach people ti ride…immediately…if I notice them riding improperly. Had a young Marine crash his motorcycle right behind me. I saw him using improper technique and knew he would end up crashing in a turn if he kept doing it. I thought I could wait until we got to a gas station t talk to him about it. Never made it there. He was OK, just bruised and scraped up badly. My friend and I made a promise at that point to immediately take action the next time.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:01am

  741. 741: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    “We can only express consciously the parts of ourselves of which we are aware. We all have unconscious patterns that impede optimal self-expression. These are usually based on our fear of what others will think, say, or do if we become all of who we really are. We fear that if we become more of who we really are, we’ll lose some of our relationships …and we will. For a while we may feel that it’s too lonely to grow, so it’s not worth it. Have faith. The law of attraction will always bring you what you most need and want. It’s far better to express yourself fully and learn how to be alone for while, than to become ill from stagnation with others who are also stuck.”

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:04am

  742. 742: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @705: rusty says:
    “…Not sure where you got that idea… It gives you somebody new to get to know and comrades to go conquer the town with…”

    Probably skipping over some of your long posts… Oops. 😳

    The set up you mentioned and other similar ones often works quite well. I’m a pretty private person and the “studio space” I have allows me total privacy as well as girl talk if I want to.


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:06am

  743. 743: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    It is pretty dang exciting, isn’t it?

    Congrats on yours.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:10am

  744. 744: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @711: rusty says:
    “…They seem to be, but I copied this down to show my wife….”

    Uh-oh. Where’s the one to you? This looks like an instruction list (again… *sigh*) If I were having problems with my man I would not like to receive this from him. It seems kind of “one-sided.” As in… hey, it’s all on you… here are your instructions.

    A male dating coach says something on the order of “do you want to be ‘right’ or loved…?” not sure I paraphrased that line correctly or even agree with it all but when my feelings are kind of raw…from whatever the cause…. I am looking for a soft place to land…. not a list or an “I told you so.”

    I want to see my man stepping up to a place where I can meet him… not a list. I don’t mean this to be harsh. This is “this woman’s” take on it. I’d rather have a flower and a kiss than a list.


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:18am

  745. 745: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    658 @ kaitlyn
    Girl I don’t think you sould send the letter….
    I sense that urgency factor that rori talks about, when we feel compelled to relay a message or contact him…we should wait.

    You are right waht you mentioned about non closure and stay on your horse. I would send my thinking in that direction.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:38am

  746. 746: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    @ kaitlyn new wave 80s zumba sounds fun…:-)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:39am

  747. 747: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    646 @ moselle
    sorry if no one has replied to your post.
    Sorry you are hurting…breakups are so painful and that feeling of change is hard to adjust to.

    Yes it’s possible to reunite, I believe, after a

    Overall, Rori recommends turning the focus on yourself and taking care of you…in the meantime. I’m sorry I don’t have any epic advice for you..I know it’s really hard for you right now. Tinque, any words for moselle?
    Hugs to you,

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:44am

  748. 748: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 725 SLV The way I see it is context context context. If we are fighting, well no. However, if we are trying to work on our relationship and I know myself intimately enough to know what makes me happy and put me into an intimate romantic mood I would share that to help my partner know what I need in the relationship while asking for the same details from the other end to help me reciprocate effecitvely.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:45am

  749. 749: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    This is an interesting fact: a man will be MOST HONEST with you when he is NOT YET emotionally engaged or invested in your relationship yet.

    In other words, you can probably learn a LOT about a man on a first or second date, when you’re just getting to know each other. This is a time when he’s not so afraid to share, because he’s not afraid of disappointing you (since you don’t know each other well enough yet).

    This is when you should be listening VERY closely to what a man tells you.

    This is when he’ll tell you things like, “I’m just looking for something casual and fun right now. I just got out of a long-term relationship and not into getting into the same situation anytime soon.”

    Or he might laugh and say, “I’m a lifetime bachelor. Settling down doesn’t interest me in the least.”

    Or, he might reveal some other dark secret, “My ex was an unhappy woman. Always complaining about one thing or another about me.”

    And that’s when you need to HEAR what he’s saying.

    And take him seriously. Know what you’re in for.

    The man you choose is the man you get.


    When you want to inspire honesty in a man, so that you let him know that he is “safe” when he shares with you, you have to have what I call the “Anything is OK” attitude.

    Now, this doesn’t mean that anything is OK for a man to do, and that you’re supposed to accept anything he does and have no boundaries or limitations.

    The attitude is more like you thinking, “Anything is OK for you to share with me, but I know what I will and will not tolerate in my life, and what I want. But you can TELL ME anything. I can handle it.”

    How do you communicate this attitude? Easy.

    With the three little words: “I’m just curious.” It can go like this.

    “Are you seeing anyone right now? I’m just curious?”

    “What kind of relationship are you looking for? I’m just curious.”

    “What kind of woman do you most admire? I’m just curious.”

    “Where do you see yourself in the next five years? I’m just curious.”

    Using these three words not only lets a man know that you’ll be OK with whatever he tells you, but that you’re not needy or too aggressive, and he can feel safe telling you just about anything.

    Just don’t stare at him, holding your breath, waiting for his answer. That defeats the purpose – BIG TIME.

    Here’s the deal. It’s not that a man is afraid of certain questions. It’s just that the WAY a woman asks those questions makes him feel strange.

    If a woman warns, “You’re not seeing anyone else right now, are you?” It almost automatically invites DIS-HONESTY in a man.

    If you want to inspire sincerity in a man, you must have the “Anything is OK” attitude and use those 3 magic words to get the most honest response possible.

    That way, you won’t waste a lot of time going on dates with “unavailable” men, men who have skeletons in their closet, aren’t over their ex, or are actually interested in a different kind of relationship than you are.

    From CCarter

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:57am

  750. 750: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 646 Really you don’t know what is happening with him or how he might be hurting. As is said here focus on yourself and getting that happy girl back. If he feels that from miles away you just never know. My experience is that they do come back.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:01am

  751. 751: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    LOL… I use “I’m just curious” ALOT!

    And If I don’t “understand” something… I say… “I feel curious about what you meant by ..blah, blah, blah.” Can you help me to understand?”

    Then what I see is they tend to stumble all over trying to “help” you understand…

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:03am

  752. 752: MoselleNo Gravatar says:

    Update: Well, the more I thought about the breakup the angrier I got. I feel like I’ve been stuffing my anger for a long time. And I do stuff it. I learned that from childhood. My relationships with men are poor. And not expressing anger or standing up for myself is one reason I believe they are poor or crappy. Anyways my anger just got the best of me. I called up the recent BF ex and told him off on his voice mail. And right after that I felt such empowerment. I wouldn’t suggest this to anyone else because everyone’s circumstance is different. (he deserved that speech) But WOW! I did it and I feel that no matter what happens I can take care of myself. So a few hours later I get this text from him saying he is wanting to talk. And you know, I don’t know what is going to happen but I am feeling very very strong. I don’t need him. I even put lip gloss on this morning and I haven’t done that is a while. I have let people run rough shod over me most of my life. This is a first.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:10am

  753. 753: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 667

    Lying on the floor and the Hindu Goddess Akhilandeshvari, The goddess of never not broken.

    Thank you for sharing this Marina!

    I found myself there earlier this year. One night R said he loved me but didn’t seem to make me happy or make my life better, he felt useless and he was leaving. He got up and started to pack his stuff, right in front of me! I felt shocked and was torn between wanting to shout at him as I felt anger at his actions and wanting to beg him not to leave because I felt scared of losing him. Neither of those reactions would’ve felt good to me so I went to the kitchen got a glass of water and asked myself how I really felt trying to sink into my body. Suddenly I was sobbing, could feel deep aching in my chest and I was sitting on the floor with the glass of water beside me not knowing how I got there. Anger was gone, fear was gone and what I felt was deep heartache. R came in and held me and never left.

    Expressing how I felt (crying in the kitchen) and accepting his decision without trying to influence him made him feel totally safe to come back and reassured me that he only came back because he wanted to. We were able to talk and were closer as a result. R learned how much I loved and needed him, his own nv’s had been telling him he wasn’t good enough and I would leave him for someone better. I learned so much – about myself, about how to express my negative feelings in a better way and about R’s needs.

    I feel thankful for that experience as although it was painful it was a breakthrough for me and a lot of triggers and patterns fell away after that.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:16am

  754. 754: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 733 Moselle I sense through your words that your feeling and your vibe is strong. Just remember that one moment in his presence, the sound of his voice or one smell of him could cause you to shake. That is what happens to me, even just looking at a picture on facebook. The thing is awareness and intimacy with oneself can help you along. Just don’t assume that you will be unmoved in his presence if you decide to meet up to talk. I would encourage you to set an intention about what you want in your life and make peace with so no matter where the talk goes you will be okay.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:25am

  755. 755: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Will my comments go through today, because that would feel so great

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:26am

  756. 756: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:


    FW and Tinque had the best reasons. As did the rest of y’all. Love you. Heh.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:28am

  757. 757: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Lucy and Emerson!

    I saw Change again last night! And, once again, he was singling me out in the group for conversation! :-)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:28am

  758. 758: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Marina thank you for taking care of your body…

    I was kind off screening the earlier convo’s on this thread and read Dorothea and Daria on insulin resistance and Rose Cole and just signed up for her website and want to go back to eating healthy.

    I can so relate to feeling terrible and getting depressed when my sugar levels drop. Ugh.

    Also, I seem to have a hormonal imbalance bc my pubic hair starts to slowly slowly grow on my legs. Went to the GP, had my blood tested, but they can’t really help me.

    Also, I decided to finally go to the pharmacy and ask for something to lower my vaginal pH, I have been having troubles with reoccuring gardnerella and S and I have been on antibiotics many times. Also it smells bad and I am afraid it might affect my fertility.

    I am feeling excited that using this stuff will finally help me :) There are no side-effects too :)

    Oh and the irony of it all? I looked at the package and the pills are manufactured at a company that is located in the same street as where I used to work, untill I lost my job 2 months ago…

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:28am

  759. 759: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Early on in our relationship I (Gay) would come up against something with Katie that felt insurmountable and would have thoughts like, “She just doesn’t understand me.” “She’s too clingy.” Or “I’m not ever going to get my needs met.”

    But what I did was to make a commitment to hang in there with Katie even when I was most upset. Sometimes we needed to pull apart for a few days, but we would always come back with the attitude of “I’m in. Despite everything that’s happening between us, I’m willing to be here with you and get through this.”

    And then when I (Katie) was triggered by thinking that Gay was being critical of me, for example, I would go to that place of “I’m in” and ask myself, “What am I willing to change within me? And am I willing to see Gay as he actually is?”

    So through these experiences in our early years together, the two things that made all the difference in the world for our relationship were: willingness and commitment.

    To check to see if these essential ingredients are part of any partnership you have – whether it’s romantic, business or otherwise – ask yourself these questions:
    Am I willing to go through the changes that need to happen in me to feel the steady flow of love and positive energy in this relationship?
    Am I willing to make a commitment to this relationship (that’s bigger than my ego) to get me through the stuck places? In addition to these questions, let yourself go on a projection fast this week. (What we mean by “projection” is when you are convinced that something is going on with the other person that is actually an aspect of you.

    Throughout your day, use whatever is being reflected to you – from your mate, your friends, your colleagues and the grocery store clerk – as a mirror. Whether the reflection seems positive or negative, open up to what you might learn from the feedback. Use breathing, moving and loving to open a space of wonder and see what you can discover about yourself.

    With love,

    Gay & Katie

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:28am

  760. 760: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 734 Thanks for sharing. That brought tears to my eyes.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:30am

  761. 761: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 737 Brenda I see that as “intellectual attraction” which is good.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:32am

  762. 762: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    Kyla 734

    Wow, that is amazing :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:37am

  763. 763: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    This blog is amazing.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:40am

  764. 764: marinaNo Gravatar says:

    In an hour I will go to my favorite sport with 2 male friends, one of them being male BFF who confessed to me of being unfaithfull.

    I have thought about it a little more. But I still see no solution. I think he has to work it out for himself what all of this means and what he wants and then try and work it out with his wife, if that is what he wants.
    Also, I was thinking perhaps he is not just doing this bc of egoboosting, but also bc he feels trapped. Trapped in the having it all (well, almost, his wifes medical condition has made her infertile,she might stay that way and they both would love to have kids). I can not even imagine how that must feel.

    I read what Rusty has copied and has showed his wife. IMHO, I would feel offended and attacked if my partner would do something like that.
    M (BF1) used to tell me things he wanted me to change, he wanted me to be less shy and less lazy ( I think I am still very very lazy, I should be jobhunting my butt off now…). And actually that would make me feel judged and I would become even more self conscious and shy and also a little angry like how dare you tell me how to live. Now, I think he was just seeing his own lazyness reflected in me.

    Well, actually, it depends on what he would have said around this. S (BF4) is very good in giving feedback and I almost always accept it and feel encouraged by him and hardly ever feel offended. He knows exactly how to deliver his message, with the right humour and lightness and respect.

    Oh I wish I could learn those ways of treating people. I want to learn those ways of treating and influencing people with respect.

    I have watched a lot of Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes interventions lately. I think they are both great in getting people into a state of ‘I am in and I am willing to change and I m willing to understand’ like FW’s 739 Gay and Katie.

    Actually, there will be a Tony Robbins seminar in Italy on my birthday and I so want to go….

    Would be a wonderful birthday gift, but currently looking for a job and I do not have the money. If S would pay me back the 3000 euros I lend him, I def. could go.
    We could both go :)

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:58am

  765. 765: rustyNo Gravatar says:

    729: Femininewoman says:

    RE 725 SLV The way I see it is context context context. If we are fighting, well no. However, if we are trying to work on our relationship and I know myself intimately enough to know what makes me happy and put me into an intimate romantic mood I would share that to help my partner know what I need in the relationship while asking for the same details from the other end to help me reciprocate effectively.


    Yes, this I agree with. It is really just to highlight that the great progress that was made over a few days is in danger of reverting back to old habits.

    Your focus is your destiny. You can’t look at things going very well, then become afraid that it is an illusion, and then allowing your fears and NV’s to actually make your fears come true. Because yes, if this doesn’t work out, I am on the road to Cali. but I am willing to work on it so long as there is hope and progress.

    So this is where we are at. For a few days she was going out of her way to be affectionate and loving. This after I said I was going to spend a few days going through my stuff in storage to figure out what I was taking to Cali, then I was leaving. She made it clear she didn’t want me to go. So we spent a few days being very close and intimate.

    Things actually went really well. So when things are going great, you keep doing what is making them go great, right? Apparently not. Seems some people think they thing to do is to lean way way back and start acting distant again. Not sure if this is out of fear that the good progress is an illusion, or what, but by acting this way, it will make it happen for sure.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 10:44am

  766. 766: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @729: Femininewoman says:
    “…RE 725 SLV The way I see it is context context context…
    …I would share that to help my partner know what I need in the relationship while asking for the same details from the other end to help me reciprocate effecitvely….”

    The context was he gave her a list; he didn’t ask for the same details from her. Did he? I didn’t read that. I saw a call for her to “counter all that” whatever the “all that” is…

    ==>”A woman’s feminine energy can counter all that..”

    Whatever the context, I would not want to read:

    —“Just don’t make the mistake of falling back
    into talking about the relationship…”

    —“Talking, complaining, criticizing or nagging
    does NOT inspire a man to give genuine affection,,,”

    The word “talking” grouped in with “complaining, criticizing or nagging…” would not inspire ME. I would not want to think that if I expressed my feelings or thoughts I would not receive “genuine affection.” I suppose this means “Goodbye FMs!” Not that they’re my favorites anyway… but I do expect to be able to talk and not “fake it” in order to put a man in a romantic mood. I claim that right for all the women out there who are “faking it.”

    It seems to me a heavy burden while a guy sits swinging in a hammock, so I wouldn’t want that list.


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 10:46am

  767. 767: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @732: Lilybelle says:
    LOL… I use “I’m just curious” ALOT!…”

    So do it. Because I am curious, big time! I didn’t read post #730. It looks like CC’s newsletter? I’ll read it when I return in a bit. Does the newsletter say I have to give up intellectual curiousity to attract the attention of a man… Oh, L0rd!

    Ok, OK, I’ll read it…

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 10:52am

  768. 768: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I mean so do *I*. Is that Freudian? I as an an “it?”

    LOL 😆

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 10:54am

  769. 769: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I really want the love scripts program. Can’t wait to get it

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 11:25am

  770. 770: MoselleNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Femininewoman. We won’t be talking. He said the exact same words that my ex did over 30 years ago. That he wants more and that I am never happy. I told him okay. I want him happy and that I won’t stop him.

    I guess he didn’t like my angry rant on the phone telling him off. I was angry because for a whole friggn year he is telling me he loves me and wants to marry me and then now this. He was rushing me and it scared me. Who wouldn’t be angry. So now I am sad. And being told those exact same words again makes it worse. I feel like a total failure.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 11:29am

  771. 771: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 748 Moselle You said “it scared me”, so this seems to me like the feeling you are stuffing under the anger and the feeling that maybe you should be feeling fully and expressing rather than the anger. The anger might just be a smokescreen over the true feeling that could create the connection you so deeply desire.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 11:41am

  772. 772: MoselleNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know what it is only I pushed him away and now he is gone. I guess I do that, push men away. I think it is fear of loss of control or something but what do they care. They just want to go run off somewhere and get a new girl. I’m left looking like the bitch.

    Anyways, I’ve accepted it. I put in the mail most of his things he had here, just some papers. The relationship is a failure. I got to move on. I didn’t meet his needs.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 11:57am

  773. 773: MoselleNo Gravatar says:

    And I have no clue what I want cause I have lived alone for so long without anyone.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 11:58am

  774. 774: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 750/751 I feel for you Moselle. I see your story reflected in my life and have recently come to terms with my fear of intimacy. I would recommend reading around the blog on previous articles and work with as many of Rori’s tools as possible to get to see yourself and what you are doing in relationships that could help you make the shift.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:28pm

  775. 775: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Guess I won’t have the problem of not looking at his FB page compulsively anymore, as he unfriended me this morning….
    and my other friend too.
    8 of his own friends have friended me along the way, so it’ll be interesting to see how that plays out. I might be a good 9 friends lighter soon on facebook

    i guess I’m doing okay though. Learning not to let everything turn into tears and drama, yet still be sensitive and admit that something feels horrible. And I am okay.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:32pm

  776. 776: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Marina – what are u taking for your vaginal ph? I want to know for my medical prep

    I took ‘Enzera’ I believe it was … An herbal product from the Internet and that worked well for me for bv.

    Also, I notice hair a little bit on my legs… Am thinking it’s normal from getting more grown and womanly?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:42pm

  777. 777: la chiquita bonitaNo Gravatar says:

    so i am now on a dating site. need some advice: i havent been in any kind of relationship i only have a very short term dating past nothing serious. with some self awareness, rori raye growth, and therapy I am now improving myself and hopefully will be able to establish a connection….what do i tell the guys when they ask though? i mean i dont want to lie i just dont want them to think red flag! i descently cute which makes it even more uncomfortable because i wonder what they are thinking what is the right way to answer w out coming off as imexperienced/ something wrong with me i feel embarrassed if this question is asked…

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:44pm

  778. 778: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @751: Moselle says:
    “…And I have no clue what I want cause I have lived alone for so long without anyone…”

    This could be a wonderful opportunity to explore and get to know yourself a little more. I’m doing a lot of self exploration these days and will be doing so for a while.

    CD!!! You could CD yourself and enjoy your self happiness. You could also CD two, three or four guys and have some fun dates. Do both! Rori talks about CD dating as “therapy.”



    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 12:59pm

  779. 779: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    OMG Marina, thank you
    thank you
    thank you

    From the link you pasted, I clicked around and ended on this video
    It’s mind blowing. I don’t have words for it.
    It’s Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 1:13pm

  780. 780: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @755: la chiquita bonita says:
    “…i wonder what they are thinking what is the right way to answer w out coming off as imexperienced/ something wrong with me i feel embarrassed if this question is asked…”

    If you are a young woman who wants to meet and get to know some nice young men, there is NOTHING WRONG with that. Nor is there anything wrong with being “inexperienced.”

    What does “inexperienced” mean for you? I’d figure out two or three sentences (your very own scripts!) that express what your intentions are. There is no need to give every man you meet a blow by blow description of your past love life.

    “I’ve met and dated some very nice men.” And then I’d say whatever is my truth such as for me … “I’d like to meet a nice mature man for fun and companionship and I’m open to romance and commitment.”

    I bet Daria has some really good phrases to get you thinking what yours might be!

    Daria Daria Daria!


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 1:15pm

  781. 781: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @757: Plum says:

    “…It’s Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious….”


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 1:19pm

  782. 782: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    FW, for some reason I am not seeing my response to you about boundaries. Thanks for what you wrote. For me, my boundaries have always had doors… but I am learning that I need to tend a bit more carefully to those doors.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 1:21pm

  783. 783: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    725/745 SLV

    I so agree.

    I see the onus being put on her.

    I feel sad.

    It certainly will not work out at this rate.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 1:27pm

  784. 784: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for the judgment in my last comment.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 1:41pm

  785. 785: rustyNo Gravatar says:

    761: Lucy says:

    725/745 SLV

    I so agree.

    I see the onus being put on her.

    I feel sad.

    It certainly will not work out at this rate.


    Don’t be too sure. But she does need to see what she is doing, and that this is not the way to go.

    For instance, this morning, I offered to come to where she works and take her to lunch. She acted as if she didn’t want that. but then at 2:00 she calls to wonder why I didn’t show up.

    Uhm…well, it is a bit of a drive and no need to make it if the company won’t be welcome. Games are not what the doctor ordered at this point. no need to test me to see if I really want to because I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t really want to. Frankly I was a bit injured when she appeared to not want me to come. Then I was confused by her acting as if it was practically a done deal, that she was expecting me to show up.

    See, i was trying to make her some lunch this morning, tune salad sandwich and other things. But, I ran out of time. Eggs were not done by the time she had to leave. So I said I would buy her lunch instead. Actually seemed a lot better idea than making her a lunch anyway. This way her boss couldn’t screw her out of her lunch as often happens. But she waived it off.

    I mean what is up with that and then calling to see why I hadn’t made it there? I want honest communication, not games, not testing, not beating around the bush. I am who I say I am. I don’t offer unless it is something I really want to do. So don’t waive it off if you want me to show up…know what I mean?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 1:55pm

  786. 786: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Lady Gaga, Sex and Demolishment
    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:10am

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:01pm

  787. 787: rustyNo Gravatar says:

    I guess nobody knows what I mean. 😕

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:27pm

  788. 788: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty, did she say, “Don’t show up”?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:54pm

  789. 789: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    “But she does need to see what she is doing, and that this is not the way to go.”

    And I suppose you are just the one to “learn” her.

    Sorry RMan, this feels just terrible to me.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 2:58pm

  790. 790: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    I feel like I want to stand at attention and salute. I can’t imagine how she must feel. Especially if you present her with that article about how she should behave. Yikes.

    And I would feel terrible if I thought my husband was watching every single move I made and disecting it because I already know there is the “threat” of hightailing it out and moving to another state. I’d be on eggshells constantly and it wouldn’t work for me.

    There must be a kinder, gentler way for BOTH of you to work through this. There just must be.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:04pm

  791. 791: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    Well gee, i figured something written and posted as advice to everyone would seem far less personal and more likely to provoke thoughtful self introspection.

    This isn’t about learnin her. Good grief. But if you want to put it that way, yes, I am the one being affected by it, I am the one considering leaving over it, and thus, I am the ONLY person that is going to point out to her why I am considering leaving. Unless there is some relationship fairy that I can leave money under the pillow for.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:36pm

  792. 792: Lily T.No Gravatar says:


    Instead of copying something you read and presenting it to her, how about you writing her a letter from your heart about how you would like to see your marriage healed?

    That might have better results than a missive that could look like “Here, this is how you must change.” Know what I mean?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 3:41pm

  793. 793: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Rusty, did she say, “Don’t show up”?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 4:09pm

  794. 794: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I slept until 11:30 am then later I took a 3 hour nap. I am too exhausted.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 4:22pm

  795. 795: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    771: Lucy says:

    Rusty, did she say, “Don’t show up”?


    Basically yes. I’m not going to try to read between the lines. I hate that. Act like an adult. Say what you mean. Don’t play games, and act like you want one thing when you want another. This is too much like high school games. Or BS like, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have to ask.”

    If you want somebody to show up for lunch, just say so. I mean, if one of your friends asked, “Hey, how about I come to your work and pick you up and we will go to lunch together?”

    Do you just say what you want? Or do you go “Uhn-uh,” in a pained expression and then expect her to read your mind?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 4:37pm

  796. 796: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    So, she said “uhn-uh” with a pained expression…. and then what did you do/say?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:07pm

  797. 797: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I guess if someone I loved said something with a “pained expression,” I would inquire about his/her pain with compassion.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:12pm

  798. 798: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    And if I loved the person and Was Not Playing Games Myself, I would ask for clarification: “So, you don’t want me to come? Are you sure?”

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:14pm

  799. 799: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    BTW, I don’t claim to be perfect. In fact, if it makes you feel more comfortable, think of it like this. Most of us men are too simple minded to have to deal with less than straight up communication. We don’t read between the lines very well and we don’t read minds at all.

    And we absolutely hate those setting games that get played on us.

    Seems to me that Rori addressed this a short while ago with her post talking about treating men like puppies. I think it was a bit demeaning but I can agree that like with a puppy, you reward good behavior immediately. You speak plainly and let the puppy know exactly what you want.

    Games don’t work well to do anything but create more drama.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:15pm

  800. 800: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    You say that you want her to act like an adult, but in many ways it seems you are treating her like a child. E.g., “But she does need to see what she is doing, and that this is not the way to go.”

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:17pm

  801. 801: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    It sounds like you are playing games too though.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:18pm

  802. 802: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    In other words, if you don’t understand what she’s saying/means, ASK her for clarification.

    If you don’t, then you are also playing a game.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:20pm

  803. 803: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I did. And by pained expression, I don’t mean like she was in turmoil, or pain. More like irritated. Like irritated that the tuna salad wasn’t done in time, or something. Irritated because she didn’t want to eat lunch together. Irritated like she didn’t have time to deal with the logistics.

    Why not just say, “Call me later and we’ll see if I can get away from the office.” Or, “I’ll call you later if you want and we’ll see if we can work it out.”

    I made the offer, then made it again after her initial uhn-uh.

    You seem to want to find some way to turn this on me for some reason. Never understand why you do that.

    Knowing my wife the way I do. She did this so as to make sure I couldn’t score any points. I mean, she wanted to push it all off on me. This way she could say, “Well, I didn’t ask you to come, in fact, I told you not to.” She is a score keeper…and I hate keeping score. Keeping score in relationships sucks…hard. These are just part of the reason I am considering leaving.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:21pm

  804. 804: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    People have different communication styles. She may think she is being crystal clear.

    This happens btwn my daughter and me. We have completely different communication styles and struggles to understand each other. Yet my mother and my daughter can practically read each other’s minds with just a couple words spoken. It astounds me.

    Also, sometimes that happens btwn my mom and dad, bc my dad communicates like me. So it’s kinda funny – I will “translate” for dad, and my mom will “translate” for my daughter.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:22pm

  805. 805: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    779: Lucy says:

    It sounds like you are playing games too though.


    How, by taking her at her word? By offering twice to go have lunch with her? Her expression made it seem as if I was putting her out. If I offer, and she wanted me to come, she should have just said so. It is clear by her phone call to me around lunch time that it was what she wanted. So why didn’t she just say so when I offered?

    If I were a woman and it was my husband who did this, would you be giving her the third degree or telling her that it was his fault for not just being honest about what he wanted?

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:25pm

  806. 806: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, Rusty, it’s because it’s very clear to me that you are as much at fault in this relationship as she is, but you don’t seem to want to take responsibility. Always putting it off on her. When a person continually says “I admit I’m not perfect” it is a clear indication (like a straw man argument) that they are really not facing their own role in the problem. Forget about “perfection” – we all know no one is perfect, so just forget about that.

    Work on those areas of imperfection if you want to save your marriage!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:26pm

  807. 807: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    You keep saying “made it seem” — which is You giving your interpretation to her words, sounds, actions, instead of just Asking her for Clarification. It’s not that hard. But it seems like you want to play a game instead of asking.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:29pm

  808. 808: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    There’s also a lot of she “should” this and that. And “why didn’t she just” such and such.

    This is a control issue on your part.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:31pm

  809. 809: RustyNo Gravatar says:

    No, it’s a “I want grown up communication, not high school games,” issue.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:33pm

  810. 810: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Well, as long as you see it that way, the problem will remain.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 5:35pm

  811. 811: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:32pm

  812. 812: moselleNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I’m becoming crazy or something. The exbf texted me some more today and it was good to hear about his point of view. But I didn’t acknowledge that. Instead later that day I sent him a long stupid text about my situation. I could have kicked myself. I should just get rid of the cell phone and try to keep away from him. It is like I am needy and actually I am in a negative mode. I hate this insecure feeling but it is there. The loss, the feeling that I am still holding on and he is slipping away. But earlier today I let go and he talked some. I just feel so crazy and insecure about this. And he is just not feeling it for me like he used to. It hurts so bad I can’t stand it. I wonder if I should just cancel my cell phone so I won’t be tempted to text or call. Give him his freedom to find someone that will give him everything he needs. Or I could hide in a hole.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 8:43pm

  813. 813: moselleNo Gravatar says:

    I know that Rory would say to pull back, lean back further than him. So I hid my phone in the house and going to concentrate on anything I can find that is positive and that makes me happy. That is my goal tonight and tomorrow so far. Thank you everyone to listening to my stressing over this.

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 9:12pm

  814. 814: la chiquita bonitaNo Gravatar says:

    Senior Lady Vibe..thanks for your advice, my main concern about being inexperienced is im 28 and havent had a relationship besides dating- its so embarrassing telling a man this if he asks…as far as my intentions they are honest which is to make a connection. im currently on a website and have some potential dates this week hopefully all goes well!

    Monday, 11 July 2011 @ 10:48pm

  815. 815: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Lucy – and to all of you who enjoyed our article and found it helpful.

    Thank you Rori for your love and support!

    We are thrilled to be creating positive change in the world!

    My biggest message to all of you Goddesses is DO NOT SETTLE! You can have everything you want – everything that is in your true heart’s desire. The fact that you desire it, means it is possible for you to have it.

    I got everything I ever wanted and MORE in my marriage and in my life because I was never willing to settle for less.

    Love and Abundance,

    Tuesday, 12 July 2011 @ 3:30pm

  816. 816: sammieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone!

    I have been reading all the posts here and especially like a couple. Mel; I was in your same position Divorced and I had kids, I had to move out well climb over a fence! But now I have a nice rented house (saving for my own next year!) I have a good job have started my own buisness and I am concentrating on my kids and enjoying use at the moment. You seem really strong and I know you will do well and look back at this and not feel the pain you are experiencing now x Rusty; I totally see where your coming from just wanting a straight up answer. I used to do what your wife is doing and I used to do this because I wanted to see if he really wanted to come it was like a test which left both of us exhausted. Maybe your wife doesn’t realise how it affects you. I found that if they found a time to talk to me when we were relaxed and cuddling then broached the subject in loving way I was more susceptible to see their point. But maybe the way you done it came acorss as finger blaming and controlled which then made her walls go up especially when this is a sensitive time in your relationship. Sounds like you love her enough to be trying but by trying it will be a slow process with both getting it wrong at times, it will not happen in an instant. And my facial expressions have been misrepresented at times. I could be thinking about all I have to do at work in the day and not paying as close attention as I should we all need to be careful to not put words into each others mouths, maybe give them the chance to explain when we have both calmed down.

    Just some thoughts probably wrong lol :-)

    Monday, 18 July 2011 @ 4:31am

« Back to Home