Stop Figuring Out What’s Going On In His Head And Start Experiencing What’s In Front Of You

how to attract menRori,

You have this amazing ability to communicate in the way that really “gets through,” that connects. I was weeping twice during your teleseminar.

While I recognize some of the small bits from the stuff I read or heard about in other conversations, it connects those parts&pieces into a whole that feels stable enough to be able to hold me, with all of my emotional turmoil. It provides what I need – both solid theoretical context (theory makes me feel SAFE, I don’t like following advise that doesn’t really go into details about why&how something works which is how most of the people give advice – you just “should” do “this” or “that”) and the practical tools I can use.

And a great deal of the approach you lay out is simply new for me. I was searching for answers and ways to deal with my emotions a lot on the Internet. It was first when I found your site (through a Facebook link), I felt I got ahold of something that can really help me.

And yes – I trusted, because I find out that even the tiny bits I tried to work a bit on my own (blog/book) actually started to give results in reality.. I hope that’s not another projection of mine.

And here comes the e-mail where the words are probably not that carefully chosen. And where I display typical trait of me: writing too long.

And the more you remain in your head – the more difficult it will be to get connected to the kind of man you clearly want.
Yes, you’re ABSOLUTELY right!! I know that. But I still want to connect to him. Reality is morphable, right? I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT THAT’S POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I connect? With my feelings. And WITH HIM. Not just with “that kind of a man”. How do I connect and not push him away?

What kind of a connection we have and what kind of a connection I want:

What I’m reading is – you are in love with a man who wants only a friendship with you. You value this friendship highly, though it is causing you pain because it is only a friendship – when you crave a romantic, sexual, full-blown connection with him.

Well… yes, you read me quite well. But. The problem is, I don’t even know if he even wants friendship with me… :-(
If I KNEW he wanted friendship, I would be much, much happier!!!

I don’t know how he perceives me. It is ME who wants to be friends with him. Does he want the same? His definitely not “doing” a lot to show that… But CAN he? If he “knows” how I feel (I never SAID that, but I’m sure he knows)?

Maybe he’s scared I’m going to try to push it further, that’s why he’s holding the distance? Going further is absolutely impossible, even if he ever wanted that, which I seriously doubt. As I said – intimate relation is out of a question. It would be completely unethical.

I wouldn’t label our current relationship as “friendship.” Not in the way I view friendship, which I wrote about before.

The current relationship is just official, though quite warm&friendly in tone. Friend-tone in talking, official-tone in correspondence, normal hugs & jokes included.

We do not hang out or spend any time privately at all – but that’s also partly because of the nature of our current relationship (official). We went out to the pub once, but that was ages ago, and there were other people which he invited too.

We see each other (official context) a few times a week, of course not face-to-face, we hold the e-mail contact as I’m the contact person between him and the rest of the group. I have him as a contact in one of my social network platforms. Sometimes, very rarely, we have an SMS-contact. He never writes about anything that’s not related to the official connection.

We had an amazing period of writing e-mails that were not official (the official context was not actual at that time, one period has just ended, and I didn’t know I would have official contact with him again). I was the one to initiate it, but the response was truly amazing. It was always just a response though. I always answered, but it usually took me some time. He usually answered quite quickly, though sometimes he didn’t answer at all.

We were still going around the same subject that got us connected officially, but in a totally mind-blowing, poetic, philosophical way. Extremely inspirational, extremely dynamical. Words breathing, morphing, reaching out, double & triple meanings. Humor. Fun. Pulsing with life.

For me (here I have to be careful of the projection) it felt that there was also something more there. But between the lines. It was as if we were talking about one thing.. but on another level we were writing about ourselves and about our own writing. Hyper self-reflexivity in action. Connecting without actually connecting. Everything in the mind.

Then I wrote one e-mail which was a bit too much and too intense… I made a mistake, stating something that I felt just between the lines (and it could have been me all along..) in the wide-open too soon. Wanting a OPEN (not metaphorical) conversation about it, just to clear out some things, just to know where we’re standing. I formulated it.. well not so “brilliantly”. The contact broke immediately.

No answer. I wrote another e-mail, as I thought it was just one of those times he doesn’t respond to some of my e-mails. This e-mail of mine was even worse, it clearly showed me as a needy, clingy and paranoid person. And I felt I was going through hell. No answer. As I promised earlier first to write one story to the end, I decided to write it ANYWAY, you know, up to three times try. This time, in the e-mail, I drew back.

I distanced myself and created the narrative distance to my previous reactions. And.. what do you know? I got an answer! Not immediately though, it took two days. The answer was much-much shorter than our usual conversation. It still had bits of poetic writing over it, but it was much more detached.

Our e-mail conversation remained detached, especially compared to that period, ever since. That was about 10 months ago.
NOW we write only official stuff. I’m trying to keep that as short as he does.. I only answer now, apart from writing when there is an official issue that needs resolving.

The official context appeared again and he (his initiation) encouraged me to be a part of it.

It was quite good at the beginning, I was fearing he would behave coldly – he didn’t, it was just in writing. It was OK, but I didn’t feel that he particularly liked me. Or disliked me. I felt the distance, though he was never “cold”. I couldn’t read if he likes me or not.

But as the time went and I got involved in the process-based project which involved a lot of working around/through emotional blockades, I found myself in the old spiral of negativity again. If anything positive came up from his side, I couldn’t even be glad because of that. I was ONLY seeing what was missing. Constantly scanning the environment for the signs that he “liked” and “appreciated” the other people (both girls & guys, that is just PEOPLE) more than me. That the hug that someone else got was made in another way or that the person got it more often.

And so on. PA-RA-NO-IA. Of course – the more I searched for, the more I saw. And the more I actually triggered – but that I didn’t understand (it was first when I read your texts I got it), because of my vibe. I was “leaning back” in the wrong way, in a way that was just not sticking out a lot, that was just tensed and filled with pain.

Before the new official period started in February, I read your book and found your YT videos. I discovered your blog. I started the new contact-period with a strong will of transforming the current situation, both when it comes to my clinging, but also when it comes to the distanced I perceived. There were a few surprises along the way.. generally I can say, that though I’m still struggling with myself, and it’s an up-and-down process, I think I’ve actually managed to create a much more laid-back space around me.

And.. that worked! Not in any “spectacular” way, but he begun to initiate jokes, relate to what I say (eh, but almost never when I talk TO him, only when I’m talking to the group), acknowledge me more like it used to be before. And hug me more ;). The last few weeks.. It just felt good. Calm. For the first time in a long time. The positive things FEEL as really positive AGAIN. The writing is still official and short though.

But RIGHT NOW.. I don’t know.. I tried a feeling message lately + sharing a moment.. and I have a feeling (maybe wrong!), that it pushed him back again.. just when the things have started to look much, much better. That’s why I asked you about certain words. Probably I used it in a way that felt needy.. and made him unsure around me again. Ufff..
But more about that in another e-mail. You’ve already devoted a lot of your time to reading through this.

I’m sorry, I have problems with writing short.

Joan

From Me:

The thing is – ALL of this “figuring out” is completely the OPPOSITE of what you want to do.

STOP yourself from all this mental activity and sink into your body and heart.

It will feel scary and weird. PRACTICE.

What will happen is that you will build NEW neural pathways in your brain, and the obsession and figuring out will fade – because you’ll start to enjoy just BEING in the moment MORE.

It is not important what he’s thinking. It’s only important what he’s DOING.

And if you need to know – don’t figure out – ASK HIM DIRECTLY what he’s thinking and feeling – and LISTEN TO HIM!

To All:

I know this is a short answer to a long question – but, really – it’s a short question.

It’s asking for the kind of “outside” answers that are in my programs – in Love Scripts especially – only without all the “inner” work that all my programs – Love Scripts, too – do for you as a powerful COMBO.

The work we’re doing here is all-inclusive. The outer stuff – the words, the body language – work with the inner stuff of practicing paying  attention to the words and body language.

Once you’ve got the inner  “noticing” and “awareness” parts of this down, the words and body language you’ve been practicing AT THE SAME TIME all work SO much better and more simply.

It all just comes together in a magical way. The outer feeds the inner, the inner enhances the outer…it all works together.

You start to experience your mind and body and heart working in “concert” – instead of always choosing your mind first.

It’s kind of mechanical, in that you dig in and get your “boy” to help you practice the Tools on real men out in the world – and then that reliability of practice allows your feminine energy to run free!  It allows your “girl” to experience joy, have fun, and get what she wants.

I want to combine the best of both worlds – of “giving you fish” and teaching you “how to fish” – AND whenever you’re learning how to do anything, practice is part of the package. So – you eat the fish I give you, and you learn how to fish.  One helps you do the other.

AND, the self-learning makes you feel so much stronger, so much smarter and cleverer and powerful and gorgeous and confident – just because it’s something you can do for yourself – WITHOUT worrying about results, because I’m still giving you fish!

So – use the Feeling Messages in the simple formula of “I feel….what do you think?”  Or “I feel….I don’t want….what do you think?” – and that’ll get you fish for days!

At the same time – you practice noticing what you’re actually FEELING – and that grows your feeling vocabulary, it settles you down, it shifts your vibe!

Love, Rori

 

To share this post:Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on TumblrDigg thisEmail this to someoneShare on Reddit

written by Permalink

791 Comments to “Stop Figuring Out What’s Going On In His Head And Start Experiencing What’s In Front Of You”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ok

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 6:42am

  2. 2: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Re #848 (last thread)

    Sirenity wrote, “He calls you regularly,so just let it be his idea to visit then you get to be surprised and extra happy !

    If he doesnt suggest it , then he has his reasons .”

    I found this so hard in my relationship that just ended. We met last summer when we were both at the same university in the same master’s program and started dating. We live in adjacent states, and the drive is about 7 hours including stops. We managed to see each twice/month throughout the fall and winter, but I leaned WAAAAY forward in the scheduling of visits until December. I didn’t just fill my calendar and leave him out of it until he brought up a visit; I often have obligations for school that I know about a month or more in advance. I can easily fill two or three weekends each month, and I did not feel good about seeing each other only once weekend per month!

    I was feeling pretty drained by the holidays, and we had a big issue in the relationship crop up in December, so I deliberately dropped the ball on scheduling visits. I told him I was feeling drained by all the driving I’d been doing–I went to his family for Thanksgiving and visited my parents every weekend in December–so I wasn’t going anywhere at all in January. He brought up in late January/early February that he noticed that I’d dropped the ball on the scheduling and that he tried not to pick it up! He said that his M.O. is to wait until Thursday to figure out what he’s doing for the weekend, and this resulted in him not arriving until Saturday night on three-day weekends for his last two visits to me.

    I had forgotten something about his last visit to see me in February until last weekend, and I felt annoyed and sad and a little angry about it (finally!). On our way to my city for Christmas break after our family holiday gatherings were over, he was in a minor car accident and his car was in a shop near me. It was finally done Presidents’ Day weekend, so he came up to get it. Until he learned Friday afternoon that his car was ready, he was planning to help his grandparents move on Saturday–this would have left no time for him to visit me that weekend. I finally really felt how awful it felt that the man I was seeing exclusively was not including me in his plans for longer chunks of available time! Ugh! (hmm. I feel weird calling it “available time”. Clearly, I saw long weekends as time available for him, but he didn’t see them as time available for me.)

    I wish I’d paid more attention to that and taken his lack of planning throughout the winter as a yellow flag that he was not as invested as I was.

    I have definitely learned a good lesson about the importance of leaning back. I didn’t give him space to come toward me until January, and then he showed me where he really was in the relationship! I feel sad that we didn’t align. I will forgive myself for making this mistake, and I will be more careful in the future!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 7:57am

  3. 3: lkNo Gravatar says:

    femininewoman, i wrote you a note on the last thread

    love you

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 8:15am

  4. 4: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks lk

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 8:25am

  5. 5: Lush_OasisNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Sirens! *wave* Hope all of you are doing well and staying strong.

    I have a random question that would seemingly have a *duh!* answer, but I’m not feeling whole with the *duh!* answer, so I thought I would put myself out there and get some feedback from you all and see what your thoughts are on my question:

    Is it always 100% expected that Sirens fully function in ‘lean-back’ mode?

    So that is the question. And my confusion and unease is:

    1) I have a friend — only a friend and nothing more — that I only text with and speak to on occasion. I don’t message him first and he is usually the one with the last word. In any event, I haven’t heard from him in over a week and I received a text from him recently that mentioned that I must not like him any more [we never even met] and about an hour later, he sent another message that mentioned that I must not be talking with him any more.

    — Err, umm … the messages were sent *way* early this morning and I wasn’t even awake enough to think straight — and umm — we’re not even dating so ??? I did reply to him a couple hours after his first message stating that I didn’t forget about him; his bday is coming up, and I was going to send a “thinking of you birthday text” or something. But — really, I felt comfortable with our conversation approach as we aren’t looking to pursue anything as for relationship (just friendship) so I don’t get the messages from him this morning. It feels self-deprecating on his part and I feel sad to read the message as if I could (or would) forget a friend.

    — second case study is a CD; we’ve been “seeing” each other for about 2 months, and met about 6 months ago. In any event, CD is *way* busy and has already mentioned that he makes too many decisions for work and would like help making the decisions on what to do for dates, dinners, etc. for when he is not at work. Poor fella is putting in a lot of hours for work and his volunteer duties and has now added fitness training and additional classes to pursue other avenues …. basically meaning that he is double & triple booked with his work life and what not.

    So, without actually going to the effort of making the arrangements for a date (and hoping that CD will join me) and without actually reaching out to *do* anything with / for CD, does it become so wrong for a Siren to just send a simple message to a CD that lets him know you’re thinking of him: a hi; hope all is well. a {{ }}}. a <3. a just thinking of you message …. ???

    I know if I was going through what CD is going through at the moment, I would feel better knowing someone cared enough to root me on … but I keep reading conflicting opinions on tihs topic and am hoping someone can help narrow it to either a "yes" or a "no" (if it even can be).

    Some say that its great to do as long as you have zero expectations of the outcome. Err … well — most messages would appreciate a reply "yes, I got your message … yes, you are seen … have a nice life"

    Some say to send a message first [leaning forward] is totally against the Siren Code of leaning back.

    So — right then — sorry for the long post …. just wanted to see if there was any black / white about this or if its another grey area.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 8:30am

  6. 6: lkNo Gravatar says:

    They told me

    “There are no good men out there. I’m better off without a man. I don’t want any man who isn’t willing to accept me exactly as I am. All the men my age are old fuddy-duddies or want the young girls-.” Blah, blah, blah. (Bobbi Palmer)

    & I believed them ! i fell for it hook, line & sinker !

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 8:48am

  7. 7: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    So sorry to hear about your injury FeminineWoman!!!!!!!!!!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 8:49am

  8. 8: Memulo says:

    Starla, it may easily take him a few days to respond to you. Men can be cowardly

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:00am

  9. 9: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Rori, for the reminder about the inner work.
    I feel the inner work as a gentle tortoise, travelling along oh so slowly, munching the grass of life and growing a smile.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:29am

  10. 10: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    OH FW!!! I’m sorry to hear about your injury.

    ((((((((FW))))))))

    Owie!!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:30am

  11. 11: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, FW, I felt my breath catch in my throat reading about your fingers. I am hoping you will feel better soon. Sending love & healing vibes to you.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:38am

  12. 12: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Memulo)))))))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:39am

  13. 13: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweet Starla,

    I feel super sad to hear that this is manifesting in you feeling sick to your stomach now.

    Big Hugs…

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:43am

  14. 14: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I feel so sad in my heart reading what you are going through.

    The thing that is sitting with me & I keep coming back to is “I may have lost the love of my life over a misunderstanding.”

    It is not possible to lose the love of the right man over a misunderstanding.

    So which thing in that sentence feels untrue? “love of my life” OR “misunderstanding?”

    On the other side of the pain is clarity.

    And on the heels of clarity is peace. And then happiness.

    Like tons of happiness – that unfolds easily & naturally.

    You’re on your way to it.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:45am

  15. 15: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i wrote up a letter that says i respect his decision but that i would regret it if i didn’t make one thing totally clear – that i want to work it out and hear about how he would like the relationship to be.

    i haven’t sent it. i probably wouldn’t send it for a while. it felt good to write it up, just for me.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:49am

  16. 16: lkNo Gravatar says:

    feeling so….. safe & scared at the same time.

    i feel terrified now that i Live With a man…. & like i have no way to prevent him now from hurting me. & if he is scary, like a wolf ? & i think all the time about my ex getting angry & slamming or throwing things or grabbing or jamming against my skin. SAD. i don’t want that treatment.

    & trying to keep myself safe looks like …… being shut-down & sad… & closing my heart.

    & today i was trying… so shaky & scared…. to communicate & cd said, ” well i’m feeling very unsatisfied” & i got so scared…. but then i was able to get again my love & my Core & my Beliefs again…. & tried again to communicate & he kept trying & it felt so nice to have him say at the end, “baby, i’m not going anywhere. i want to get old with you. i want to see your hair go gray” & also to just hold me when i was saying i feel scared.

    i respect that i have a deep brain & i honor that feeling of overwhelm & fatigue & back&forth ocean movement that takes me so high & low…. & i hold myself & carry myself & i affirm that absolutely i will experience what i want

    & i do not need a “fix” either. these feelings do not need to be “fixed” – i intend to follow the road signs, though

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:50am

  17. 17: Memulo says:

    Thanks Starla. I sent my text earlier this morning. I knew I would hate this away situation. I knew it doesn’t help when stuff like this happens not even 3 months into a relationship. I don’t regret sending it, I regret not bringing it up when we were saying good bye in person.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:51am

  18. 18: lkNo Gravatar says:

    & remembering a really horrible pattern of creating explosive arguments to get affirmations of love

    please, god. save me from myself.

    however, i go back to respecting & honoring my feelings & forgiving myself for expressing them “imperfectly” or “inefficiently” & i’m sorry for hurting feelings & i forgive myself & love myself & i forgive myself for “Staying” in relationships where i felt afraid or unloved or like a Mother & i forgive the men for being young & i love them too

    & i intend to experience “what is” & honor myself & others with love & patience & slowness

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:55am

  19. 19: Memulo says:

    He said last night his son liked The Little Prince book I gave them;)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:55am

  20. 20: lkNo Gravatar says:

    oh, goodheart, i like reading what you wrote to Starla : )))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:58am

  21. 21: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Feminine Woman))))))) So sorry about your injury! Don’t you dare feel stupid, though. It could’ve happened to anyone! Love to you!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:04am

  22. 22: Memulo says:

    Starla #15,

    I would stop at phone call, seriously girl. We don’t want to tie up anyone and make them listen to us, do we? He has an option to return your call. In terms of respecting his decision.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:04am

  23. 23: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i keep getting weird flashes of the fun, nervous feeling you get when you’re a kid sleeping out in the yard in a tent during the summer…. & you know you’re in your neighborhood…… but it seems like you might get eaten by a lion……. & like…. the feeling that “i have already had to escape from lions”

    & those nights are magical : ) & that moment of joy / confidence when you trust & let go of the nervous fear : )))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:04am

  24. 24: lkNo Gravatar says:

    omg i’m just picturing how shocking it would have been for me to say exactly how i felt & i do see how saying it that way would have instantly gotten me shockingly amazingly good results LOL (((lk)))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:17am

  25. 25: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    This post makes me feel sad. She is so all up in her head. I wonder what she’s really feeling?

    what do I feel today? I feel kind of tight in my neck and shoulders.

    It would feel good to stand and stretch.

    I feel curious.

    I feel soothed by the gentle rain that we haven’t had in a long time.

    I feel comforted by the conversation I had with my Dad last night.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:22am

  26. 26: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    remembering a time when I was falling apart emotionally. the feeling messages just flowed out of me. “I feel sad, I feel helpless, I feel inadequate, I feel scared, I feel shaky.” I watched his face melt with compassion…

    the memory feels good. It’s okay to not feel good all the time…

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:25am

  27. 27: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i intend to wake, drink brewer’s yeast, stretch, journal, have porridge, kiss, drive slow, work well, sit well, eat well, drive slow, kiss, work, play, kiss, eat, kiss, sleep

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:32am

  28. 28: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    This article makes me feel that it’s okay to let go if that is part of feeling and getting into yourself – experiencing everything we do with the tools. I’m feeling disconnected with some of my CDs. They want me to chase them. NOT calling if I don’t call, not going out if I don’t initiate. And I tried it, and it felt so horrible except in one instance. I missed CD song, I really missed him. I told him how I felt and asked to see him. Long story short it was so worth the leaning forward. We connected in ways I could not even describe. So not getting into to his, telling him how I felt and asking to see him was my truth and it served me well. No anxiety to lean forward anymore because it was the connection we were both missing (he made that clear and I felt the same). It’s when I think too much that the situation with my CDs spirals out of control. I’m letting go of everything I realize I was trying to control/manage. If they don’t call, then it’s just another change in my rotation. May the best man win.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:33am

  29. 29: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    How will you feel if you send the letter? I use that as my gauge whenever I feel the need to write something. If writing it makes me feel better and I can honestly say: “There it is… I’ve said how I feel and it doesn’t really matter if I get any response, actually… ” then I go ahead and send it. If I feel my heart saying “ooooh, I hope he understands and replies and steps up… etc.” then I don’t hit send.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:44am

  30. 30: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, I don’t know, I just wrote the letter for myself and because I always feel good with a backup plan, hehe.

    I think I would feel better. But I thought I would feel better when I called last night, like, okay, i did my part. but after time passed with no call back, i didn’t feel very good!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:50am

  31. 31: AmyNo Gravatar says:

    How do you begin to get out of your head and just feel? I have a HUGE problem with not being in my head and I want to change that. It would feel so good to just feel what I am feeling and not have the extra noise from my head getting involved.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 10:55am

  32. 32: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I want to date up a storm, build fantastic confidence with men, enjoy their attention, and THEN choose one.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:03am

  33. 33: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @31 Amy – what helps me is to drop my thoughts into my body. like, say you’re obsessing over why he hasn’t called. you’re thinking:

    “Oh, he’s probably working late. Wow, he’s working really late. Why is he working late?! I bet he’s out having drinks with his gorgeous co-worker! I wouldn’t mind if he was, but he’s probably going to lie about it to me just like my stupid ex!”

    Instead of getting wrapped up in your thinking, you can imagine pushing the thoughts from your head and into your body. Like, oh he’s working late. That feels tight in my shoulders and stomach. I feel tight. I feel mistrustful. I feel lonely. I feel sad. It’s okay to feel these things. and then you could even tell him you were feeling these things, and create a deeper connection. A lot of times the things you feel are things that your guy is feeling or has felt before, but you have a greater power to feel, identify, communicate, and express them with your man. Once you open up to him about these feelings, you’ll create a deeper connection…

    Make sense?

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:07am

  34. 34: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Amy,

    There’s no quick solution. This is all part of the inner work that Rori talks about in this post.

    The antidote to being in your head (masculine energy) is to become more and more in your feminine energy. It’s a path you choose to travel for yourself.
    I’m travelling into myself, towards Feminine Energy at its deepest. To me this feels like ‘strong surrender’. There is no thinking there.

    Hence the programs, the tools and the inner work.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:13am

  35. 35: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    when you’re in your head, you’re thinking about him and thereby “thinking” in masculine energy. when you’re in your body, you’re feeling and experiencing, thereby “feeling”, in feminine energy.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:16am

  36. 36: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been enjoying using feeling messages with my Dad. I feel like we’re communicating better since I’ve started doing that…

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:23am

  37. 37: AmyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks to you both, lamabutterfly and April Rose. That helps out alot in seeing the difference between being in my head and feeling my feelings.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:24am

  38. 38: lkNo Gravatar says:

    noticing i’ve been super in masculine energy recently… trying to “Sort Out” my feelings… & also “Stop” or “Fix” some of my “negative” feelings that are coming up when i’m stressing about work / money / family / new house / new relationship “status” …….. eeeeee hugs to my sweet self. intend slow, “carried” feeling : )

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:30am

  39. 39: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((((Feminine Woman))))))))))) sending you healing loving vibes

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:31am

  40. 40: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    lk…I am really loving your posts…they feel bright and vivid and enchanting :) I love sleeping outside yet feeling a little scared even though all is safe…lol

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:33am

  41. 41: Memulo says:

    FW,

    How are you doing?

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:36am

  42. 42: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    So Monday I felt sooo swirly in the soup with Rugby Man and money…then last night while I was at school he text me that he was buying me a massage and that he needs to know what time to book the appointment….AWWWWW Rugby Man…I feel smiley, soft, warm and melty. My hero :)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:41am

  43. 43: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i get this really deep exhausted feeling sometimes, & all i want to do is cry & be held. & i keep getting “there” – to that deep dark feeling…. – & by the time i’m there i’m too… “tired” ? to Tell Him How I Feel…. & all i can do is feel shaky & silent & shut down

    & i believe in my own strength to say, sure lk, you are changing a million things in your life right now & it feels shocking & scary & up-root-ing…. but one moment at a time, it is not “More Difficult” than anything else. i love you. i love you, cd. you are very very sweet & lovely & i like the way you talk to me & i love you so dearly for saying in a “harsh” voice, “i don’t want to talk to you like this. i’d rather wait a minute to talk about this” &…..

    & i can make myself happy. i am in charge of my own happiness.

    sigh. i feel afraid that *i* am a bit “toxic” right now & it feels honestly terrifying.

    i keep getting these “feelings” where suddenly i feel i need to express myself to CD because otherwise i’ll be “silencing myself” or some ish….. but actually after i do, i realize that i was “just” being Cr8zy : ((( — like this morning, he was cuddling me & being so affectionate….. & telling me how much he loved me & stroking my hair & face…. & not joking like 6 minutes later i was telling him i felt he like i needed more affection. cr8zy

    & obviously, he felt very confused.

    esp. bad because he is SO busy right now (which i knew he would be before i decided to move in!) & so he feels like i’m just mad because he’s busy. but actually, i’m just mad because i’m hurting from the past & afraid for the future…. sigh

    but i DO feel “neglected” & that is because my Normal self/writing/art time is now car financing/job interview&research/home organization/relationship negotiation time.

    good, lk. now attend to those needs. stop talking about it & strategizing about it….

    oh. & cd has been my “Man” now for so long, that i think my own “man” is asleep LOL wake up, lion! actually i do need you : )))) hi, kitty awwww you’re cute! i need stuff from you : ) i feel sad & tired : ) can you help me ?

    awwww he loves me : ) thank you

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:51am

  44. 44: lkNo Gravatar says:

    the important thing for me to remember is that cd is a good man & fundamentally i agree with everything that he does & Believes.

    then also, one moment at a time.

    then also, drop urgency & control & outcome

    then also, *i* am living my life; no one else

    then also, there is no Way to Happiness; Happiness is the Way

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 11:56am

  45. 45: lkNo Gravatar says:

    feeling so so nervous & anxious whenever i sense that even the tiniest speck of dust is “outside” of My “Plan” for my “Desired Outcome”

    wow this feels like xnorexia. i know this feeling from watching other women try to do it & i feel weird because i know that i’ve been forgetting to eat.

    i love myself & i’m not judging myself. & thank you lk for feeding me delicious healthy big lunch & making plans to feed me delicious healthy big meals.

    & what about what i Really Believe ? about Flow & magic ? i want that

    i feel disconnected from my dreams. a bit hollow.

    i really really really feel like jumping for joy & dancing around the room when i imagine how different my day will be tomorrow when i start with my good hot drink & my journal at the sunrise : ))))

    ((((((LK))))))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:05pm

  46. 46: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    well…I have been in my head. Trying to figure out if this woman at school hates me or not :( That takes a lot of energy…feels so draining…

    It doesn’t feel good…I don’t even know if it’s worth bringing up…

    I felt like we were good friends until I asked someone else to do a treatment on me.

    Now if someone asks me for advice she has an unsupportive comment to make and she says it out LOUD :( I feel shocked and sad…

    seriously…

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:08pm

  47. 47: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    it’s ok (((((jilly)))) I feel supportive of you and know you are doing the best you can. I feel loving and soft and compassionate…don’t you worry…..this will work itself out …it always does…as long as I stay true to myself…I don’t want to feel obligated to anyone…I follow what feels best.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:11pm

  48. 48: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i know i get better every day

    i know i’m healing

    i believe the dream that says, ‘it may be (alegro)… it may be (adagio)… but it’s always “onward” / “forward” ‘

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:15pm

  49. 49: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I am SAD SAD SAD…. feeling really crappy!

    Was supposed 2 meet CD 2day n do something but it never happened. Im here with nothing to do im jus feeling like WTF. I feel like crying honestly. I really DO NOT like when plans get cancelled. Im afraid if i txt him n tell him that w/o him asking thats too LEANY FORWARD. im experiencing a bad headache right now. And im actually pretty angry that i lost sleep coming here 2 meet him n we never did meet.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:16pm

  50. 50: lkNo Gravatar says:

    *allegro

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:16pm

  51. 51: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((Jilly)))

    aww maybe she feels “jilted” & “Lone-ly” – maybe you could invite her out for coffee : )

    i have a co-worker who i can feel sad around if i let myself. but she is just nervous & enjoys the Drama of being “upset” “unfairly treated” “over-worked” etc. i think… even though it sometimes manifests as her trying to “embarrass” me. it’s actually kind of a “good” thing lol as then i do my job “correctly” so as not to get sniped lol

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:19pm

  52. 52: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @45 LK – ((((LK)))) Anorexia is actually an eating disorder that has roots in Anxiety disorders. Be sure to keep taking care of you, even amidst all the stress!

    @46 Jilly – ((((Jilly))))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:22pm

  53. 53: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel guilty for saying this but i couldnt even read the letter to Rori in this post. My head was spinning, I eventually got really confused and tired of reading so i skip to Rori’s response. oh my!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:26pm

  54. 54: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((Emoticon)))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:26pm

  55. 55: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Amy, I stole an idea from Lilybelly about wearing a bracelet with a heart on it to remind me to get out of my head and into my heart

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:27pm

  56. 56: AmyNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl (and Lilybelly), that is such a great idea! Wow, thinking about that brought a huge smile to my face. It feels good!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:29pm

  57. 57: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon,
    I did that too.
    I felt impatient reading that great long letter.
    I would much rather read what Rori writes!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:30pm

  58. 58: lkNo Gravatar says:

    I’m writing an email now to X’s boss’s boss’s boss who invited me to meet with him & bring my resume….

    Hi, R –

    Thank you so much for inviting me to meet with you! I feel very excited about moving more in the Education direction & I feel lucky to have such great resources in the schools I have attended.

    Is there a time that would work for you in the next couple of weeks? It can be a little slow traveling across town in rush hour, but I can usually make it there by 5. What do you think?

    Thanks again,
    Lk

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:31pm

  59. 59: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank u LK ((((((LK)))))))

    April Rose…. totally!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:32pm

  60. 60: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((lk))))

    ((((emoticon)))

    Iamabutterfly…wow you sound so soft and warm and grounded…feels good to read… :)

    lk…ok maybe I will be extra soft and warm with her…not to make something happen but to put a love blanket around me tonight at school…that feels happy and pink and fuzzy

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:33pm

  61. 61: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon, I couldn’t read it either.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:35pm

  62. 62: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Starla and April Rose your comments made me laugh and not feel so guilty anymore. lol

    Thank u Jilly (((( Jilly))))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:36pm

  63. 63: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    oh, lk, i feel so jealous of you and cd. it’s like…you guys just came together, no problem. i feel really really jealous. but i only wish for good things for you two:)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:37pm

  64. 64: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, T-girl..

    That feels good to know that I inspired someone with an idea…

    YAY!!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:38pm

  65. 65: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @60 Jilly – awww, thank you!! My groundedness really just depends on the day…

    I usually feel spacey and floaty and out to sea and all over the place…

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:39pm

  66. 66: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Ha ha. I made myself chuckle.
    I was just about to write on here about my desperate urges to lean forward with a man, but I got totally engrossed in your postings and forgot all about him!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:43pm

  67. 67: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    feeling so much better after watching my youtube videos lol…. my ass is just so wonderful n i shake it n roll it like a pro

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:44pm

  68. 68: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll ‘force’ myself to write it anyway. And I’ll have more fun writing it without the charge behind it.

    Okay, I think I might have messed up (chuckle). No, really April Rose, it’s not a laughing matter.

    April Rose, you DON”T GO ENCOURAGING someone you’re in love with to go and find himself a girlfriend elsewhere.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:47pm

  69. 69: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon,
    Where can I watch the video of your wonderful ass?

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:48pm

  70. 70: maliNo Gravatar says:

    This post feels as though it was written for me =)
    You know, I get so caught up in trying to figure things out about men, simply because yes- I’m an overanalyser, and also because I’m SO in-tune with people, that I can feel their energy, and know how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking.

    I tend to do that. But leaning back…. feels so… blissful. So calm, so free. I can just… BE. Beautiful. I can breathe.

    I am beautiful. I am more than enough. I know that. I will stay in this headspace so the right man can claim me, in my complete femininity <3

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:49pm

  71. 71: lkNo Gravatar says:

    wowwwww i am not a grown-up. i wore a tight pencil skirt to work today & just tried to sit “indian”-style (cross-legged) in my chair & heard the back seam start to split

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:50pm

  72. 72: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXjIVHeFZiE&email=comment_received&lc=6hTOfCYuU-7OqrbX2iVcrjc5G-B23-0Wj3Nyy0_2Et8&lch=email&feature=email

    April Rose…LOL the ass in the plaid is my cousin n the ass in the blue is me. We like making dance videos! I want to make some more!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:52pm

  73. 73: maliNo Gravatar says:

    FW, Oh I’m so sorry!! Please don’t be angry with yourself… Sending you love and compassion and warmth and hugs <3

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:52pm

  74. 74: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    LK wow!!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:53pm

  75. 75: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t need feedback for all my spam LOL….blush… um…. but i’d really love to hear what women think about a business-related note i wrote in #58 – i’m tryna make some Big Moves career-wise : )

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:53pm

  76. 76: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon: I LOVEEE it!! :D

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:54pm

  77. 77: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @iamabutterfly…

    thank you : ) yes, ” I have an anxiety problem ” LOL

    but ! admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery ?

    wow, i think that’s the second or third time i’ve written that sentence out & every time i actually do feel that saying it out loud & accepting the “general idea” that I do have an Anxiety “problem” actually *IS* the first step to healing : )

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 12:57pm

  78. 78: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Mali :-)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:04pm

  79. 79: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Mali :-)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:04pm

  80. 80: lkNo Gravatar says:

    emoticon……… that is AMAZING omg i love it

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:06pm

  81. 81: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    the letter in the post did feel exhausting to read. imagine how our men feel when we are all in our heads thinking like this!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:06pm

  82. 82: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    This is about EM, the bad boy, the man who lives in the woods.

    Why he’s been labelled bad-boy I just don’t know. (Well, I do… it’s that look of danger in the eyes…)
    Well, he calls all the time, wants to see me a lot, pays for dates, and seems to be an excellent candidate for my requirement of ‘Must Adore Me’.

    I said I couldn’t really do dates anymore. He said he shouldn’t really be trying to steal someone else’s girlfriend, and should get his own. I agreed. It was a momentary agreement when I was feeling pressured by him coming on too strong. I panicked for fear of hurting/losing WM (who I currently live with).

    After telling me how he really really likes me, he said “okay, no more hugs. Or just short ones”. We had a short hug, and I left.

    Since then, we have seen each other every day and I am getting more and more fond. Oops, so much for asking him to back off.

    But tonight he is going dancing, where there will be single women. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to go out with me instead. I told him I was going to honour a date I had booked with myself. He asked me should he go. I said that was his business and I wasn’t going to interfere.

    So, he may go and get a girlfriend tonight….

    I trust the Universe for her wise outcome.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:07pm

  83. 83: maliNo Gravatar says:

    lk: I KNOW right?! Daa-yam girl, that ASS- where did you learn to shake it like that? I’d love to be able to do that, since I have a curvacious ass ;)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:08pm

  84. 84: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Mali! It feels so reassuring and warm to see you on the blog again! <3 <3 <3

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:09pm

  85. 85: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    LK thank you :-)

    Mali just SHAKE IT….haha

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:10pm

  86. 86: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Things Starla loves doing:
    1. Shaking her booty

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:13pm

  87. 87: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Go Starla!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:14pm

  88. 88: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Please make a video.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:15pm

  89. 89: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i want some feedback on a note i want to send. i’m not sure if it’s professional enough. i serve on a board with this person & have met him numerous times pseudo-socially over the past few years… i had a quasi-interview with him a couple years back while i was still in school & he said i’m not qualified (obvi – no degree) but I did work for free for a while to get some experience (i did this all around the community) & he has invited me to meet with him & bring my resume….. dream job potential & i feel nervous.

    i also just want to meet with him to talk. i don’t have any expectations, except i hope that if i’m not “qualified” or “appealing” as a current candidate, i hope he will be able to give me guidance as to how i can improve my credentials : )

    Hi, R –

    Thank you so much for inviting me to meet with Industry direction & I feel lucky to have such great resources in the schools I have attended.

    Is there a time that would work for you in the next couple of weeks? It can be a little slow traveling across town in rush hour, but I can usually make it there by 5. What do you think?

    Thanks again,
    Lk

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:16pm

  90. 90: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t think I can shake my ass or booty.

    But I can wiggle my bum!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:17pm

  91. 91: lkNo Gravatar says:

    lol i cut out part of it accidentally : (

    Hi, R –

    Thank you so much for inviting me to meet with you! I feel very excited about moving more in the Industry direction & I feel lucky to have such great resources in the schools I’ve attended.

    Is there a time that would work for you in the next couple of weeks? It can be a little slow traveling across town in rush hour, but I can usually make it there by 5. What do you think?

    Thanks again,
    Lauren

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:17pm

  92. 92: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Things Starla will not be doing:
    1. Making a video
    :P

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:18pm

  93. 93: lkNo Gravatar says:

    starla, i can’t tell why we don’t hang out every weekend. let me see that xss drop ! lol

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:18pm

  94. 94: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Lk,

    I liked your first draft better, with the part about feeling excited.

    Hmm. How to ask for a meeting time and make it seem like their idea? Hmmm…

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:20pm

  95. 95: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @82 April Rose – I feel so curious about your situation. It must feel tricky to be living with one man and very interested in another man.

    I prayed one night to God, and said “I surrender my love life to you.”

    In walked SeenmecryCD, with whom I connected with strongly that night and later on as well, and soon after that? he got a girlfriend. or I should say, the girlfriend got him…

    What is God trying to tell me? He’s not the right one? He is the right one, but now’s not the right time?

    it can feel confusing…

    I definitely have more to learn from my other CDs. but a lot of my CDs just make me wish I was sharing my heart with him…

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:21pm

  96. 96: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    How exciting would it feel to have a Siren Island party? ahhhh

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:21pm

  97. 97: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeee first day of my experiment of… Goin back to texting! And I feel good and connected answering the 5 Papis from this morning!

    Yayyy :)

    I want to not cause myself stress getting pist everytime I receive a text

    I want in person stuff and I am letting the men take it there and letting the connection be short and in a way that feeds ME

    ***
    A part of me wants to yell wtf! Get out of my face LOSER !!!

    Yawn

    I’m writing it here

    The feeling is

    Frustrated

    Angry

    Sad

    Very very angry and it feels unconfortable!!!

    I don’t wana be touched!

    Rargh

    Hitting baby

    Boom

    I’ll slap you

    Bam

    I feel mad

    Oh I felt scared

    Ouch

    Angry feeling baby

    Yawn

    Twitchy

    Tingly

    Rargh

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:21pm

  98. 98: lkNo Gravatar says:

    dah i’m ruining the blog : ( i triple posted something & i used my real name ? internet party foul : ((((

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:22pm

  99. 99: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    LK, replace the ampersand with the word “and,” and you’re good to go, darling!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:23pm

  100. 100: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    How about “I feel delighted by your offer to meet with me and talk with me about…. I’m happily looking forward to your suggestion of when would be a good time to do this.”

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:23pm

  101. 101: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    I feel there could be so much value in you making that video….

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:27pm

  102. 102: lkNo Gravatar says:

    thank you for reminding me, starla : ) i do love my ampersands : )

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:28pm

  103. 103: lkNo Gravatar says:

    april rose, i hear you & i agree with you that starla should make a video ASAP : )

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:29pm

  104. 104: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, thank you for saying that, Youarebutterfly!

    It feels dang tricky living with one man and being sweet on another fellow.

    Sigh.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:30pm

  105. 105: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ lama- 84: Eee, I felt so warm and cherished reading that. Thankyou darling! *shakes ass* hee hee ;)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:30pm

  106. 106: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i wish i were so much cooler. i sent it from my personal email in the middle of the work day with no Real Signature.

    however, none of those things are related to my ability to achieve my goals & live my dreams : )

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:35pm

  107. 107: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve often fallen into any old ‘instant relationship’ that presented itself to me. It’s all seemed rather random. If someone liked me – okay, I’ll be your girlfriend. Duh.

    I didn’t know about SELECTING a partner, and what that involves.

    The time has come to own my choice of partner. I’ll hold auditions, try-outs. Hundreds, if necessary!!!

    I want to date up a storm, build fantastic confidence in myself around men, enjoy their attention, and THEN choose one.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:38pm

  108. 108: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m putting together a questionnaire for every potential suitor to fill out.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:41pm

  109. 109: lkNo Gravatar says:

    feeling so empowered seeing all the great ways i can start caring for myself again….. been busy, but i can’t get anything “done” if i don’t Feel Good

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:42pm

  110. 110: lkNo Gravatar says:

    school is a great job for me, since it’s 30 hours / week (kind of)

    plus i can teach yoga then : ) & they will pay for me to get certified ! & they will pay for my CE courses…..

    i remember my teachers getting to go on trips… like my high school english teacher got sent to a Workshop in italy : ))) & she was telling me how she just sat in a cold bath drinking wine & eating cheese & writing poetry the whole time she wasn’t “in class”

    i realize this is “fantasy”…. but hey ! i Want That ! i want to live my fantasies : )

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:47pm

  111. 111: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tempted to change my name to “Llama siren.” hehehe. :)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:48pm

  112. 112: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am so tempted to text EM “did ya go dancin’?”

    I see that this is not fair to the man. I will NOT lean forward thus.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:52pm

  113. 113: maliNo Gravatar says:

    lama, DO ITTTT! :D

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:52pm

  114. 114: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    You haven’t posted in a while (half an hour or so)

    I take it you are busy shooting a vid.

    : )

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:55pm

  115. 115: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla

    that feels good to hear that you think that CD & i sound good : )

    i have been feeling tender & a little fearful…… since i have SO much processing going on right now….. & so much in my life is in various degrees of upheaval

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:55pm

  116. 116: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m trying to figure out how this one guy makes me feel. With him, I feel beautiful. With him, I feel mysterious. With him, I feel rare and prized and special. With him, I don’t feel like “just another girl,” even though, if I’m being honest, he could have his pick. But I don’t feel like a “pick” with him. I feel like a prize with him. I feel like THE prize with him. that’s how i’m supposed to feel, isn’t it?

    I feel completely safe with him in every way. I don’t feel any doubt at all.

    I don’t feel like we know each other well enough to be feeling this way…?

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:59pm

  117. 117: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ouch for some reason I felt so Bad in my chest when Starla said she won’t be making a video.

    (this post and any epithets used as I process are Not directed at starla)

    I felt shocked running and stopping up short

    Blank and co fused

    Got my hand slapped

    Now angry

    It felt good to have fun!!!!

    Soooo angry now

    Ouchie! I don’t want to feel this way!!!

    Feeling Verrrrrrrrry mad!

    Rargh.

    Feel like bursting into tears

    Ugh!

    I haye when people smile and politely tell u ure not about to have fun.

    Hehe Daria won’t be getting that you!

    You fake Bit*ch! You’re always cold smiling you shut down mean cold fake acting too good bi*ch!!!

    This is not about Starla if that’s not clear.

    This is about my mom.

    I feel Furiois.

    Furious!!!!!!!

    Can I make furious capital and fast flow? fURIOUS !!!!’

    Rarrrrttrrrtrrh

    I feel my tongue wiggling

    I feel soooooo angry

    I hate that feeling of shock and confusion

    And ouch

    Blind side me

    Angry

    Aoooooooooo mad

    I love mu anger I love mu hate

    I feel like I can’t handle those feelings I said as hate

    They feel do awful

    I do t want to feel that way

    I feel vulnerable and powerless

    I feel spooooo uncomfortable (replaced hate). Feeling this way

    I love me

    I’m feeling a lil calmer

    Mmmm

    Tingly leg and beating chest a f tightened boooty

    And quivering cheeks

    And fuzzy head. Dizzy head

    Sadness

    Sad

    Dussapointment Anger!

    Anger!

    We never do the fun st tiff!

    you always act like a cold fake bit ch around other people

    I feel so mad at you! I hate you!

    Rarhhhhh

    I feel furious

    Tingly mouth

    Feeling so mad

    I love my anger

    I love my feeling mad

    I love my sadness crushed ess crying

    Still feeling so angry

    I don’t wana feel this way!

    This feels so unconfortable!!!!!!

    I feel mad to feel this way

    Soooooo mad

    Omg

    Tight booty mad

    Pout mad

    Mad mad mad mad mad mad mad

    And sad

    Dissapointed

    Sad

    Quiet

    Sad

    So sad

    So powerless

    Always powerless hopeless

    Never my choice never respected

    So sad

    Crying

    I love me

    Olive my crying face

    I love my sadness

    Fear!

    I love my Nger

    I will be punished for expressing it

    More sadnesss.

    More feelin like cryin

    Yay I shifted the belief that I will be chastised yelled at punished and catch a beating for expressing my anger!

    No wonder I was even scared to FEEL it

    Am huffing out my nose

    Uhoh I ‘made her sad’

    I feel unconfortable w this feeling and want to jump and make better, be all nice and loving

    I feel GUILTY

    I love my guilt

    I feel so unconfortable with it

    Feeling it

    Wahhhhhh I don’t want to feel this way

    Fix it fix it apologize

    I feel guilty slapping my godsend hand when he stuck it in the power outlet

    Waaaah

    So giltu I ruined our relationship forever

    Thanks. Mind

    I feel trembly

    Vulnerable not knowing what’s happening next

    I felt crushed reading that post.

    All the other stuff came on top of it

    Dissapointment

    And blankness confusion

    Wow did I really feel thru that stuck anger???!!!

    That feels exciting to think

    Yayyy!

    I feel my root my tailbone warm and pulsing

    I love me

    I love my fear

    I love my tingly fingers

    Apologize apologize apologize

    Wow this is how I felt!

    I’m sorry for using attacky words

    Ok I put a disclaimer up top

    Now I feel relieved

    Yay

    I feel happy w myself to get under the attacky words to mu feelings and process this trauma out

    I’m healing

    I feel excited that this is healed and now it will no longer trigger me

    I am sooo powerful and skilled ! !!!

    Fuchkin wow

    My tongue is still feeling tingly and my spleen and my root

    I give myself peisdion to gently and comfortably feel all this out and release any energies related to it from mu tissues from my energy system from my subconscious mind

    There’s a part of my being that already is doing this for me

    And I appreciate it

    It’s coming out in this extra saliva

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 1:59pm

  118. 118: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    april rose, dang girl, you’re all over this, huh;)?

    hehe i’m too shy to post videos or really even dance in front of other people like that.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 2:00pm

  119. 119: AnaisNo Gravatar says:

    Re: Lush Oasis #5, For the friend, I’m not sure what to make of his comments either since you haven’t even met and have platonic communication, but it sounds like you have a lot of power in the situation.
    I don’t see anything wrong with wishing him happy birthday…but does it bother you that you haven’t actually met, or are you fine weith the fact you’re only keeping in touch through electronic communication?

    As for your CD, I would continue leaning back and not initiate any “thinking of you” text messages. As innocent and casual as they seem, he will likely feel as if you’re chasing him. When you hear from him, maybe it would be good to deliver feeling messages like “it feels good to hear from you” etc

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 2:00pm

  120. 120: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Daria)))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 2:03pm

  121. 121: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been wanting to make dance videos for hella long it’s one of my dreams

    I’m still blowing out my cheeks and brrrr my lips

    Still squeezing energy from under and around my tongue

    And in my body

    I feel uncomfortable feeling like this

    I feel ‘unfinished’. And I don’t want to be in my body

    I want to Do stuff right now

    I’m feeling afraid of being attacked for expressing this way if I’m seen

    I refuse to be in my body

    Ok I’m in my body now thank you yay

    I’m drooling and spitting like daffy duck and I feel icky

    They said drooling is icky! And boogers are icky!

    ***

    I feel angry

    I used to beat up kids who acted ‘stuck up’ to play like me – in my mind

    I don’t wana do that I want to express non violently

    Cone play w us in the mud!

    I Won’t be doing that ! W nose in the air

    What why? Feeling crushed and confused.

    It feels fun see! :). I wana share w u.

    My family says playing in the mud is disgusting.

    I feel angry!!!

    And awful under that

    Sad

    Unseen unhonored

    Soo angry shaky hot powerless crying feeling

    Crushed

    Awful

    — noticing I do the same I won’t be doing that w no explanation to ppl all the time!

    Cuz it traumatized me and it seemed like Power!

    I want to heal this, all of this

    No I don’t like fighting

    Oh yeah? Well I’m gona kick ur a*ss!!

    Feels thrilling!!!! Yeah get em!!!!

    And I don’t wana feel like that anymore

    I don’t wana express like that

    I want to express nonviolently

    I told Georgiana to throw a rock at his head and it busted his head open

    I felt kinda shocked and a bit scared

    I want to heal All this

    I feel my guts churning

    I feel do glad I’m in this and healing this

    I honor me

    I’m shifting to new ways of expressing my rage other than yelling and beating

    ((((me))))

    This is how I learned Abt being honorable

    Honorable was Destroy those who put you down

    Who you felt put down by

    I’m willing to shift that now

    Mu thigh feels hot and unconfortable

    Pulsing

    I honor my pulsing thigh

    I feel sad now

    Sad

    I love my sadness

    I feel all drools

    I’m releasing the adrenaline in my drool

    Thank you me

    I honor the panic I feel feeling drool on my lip

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 2:30pm

  122. 122: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla!!!

    Hugs felt grrrreat :). To read

    So wonderful

    I felt scared and undeserving of hugs I was expecting attacks punishment and beatings

    I fels scared of those

    I can handle them

    Better just shut down ahead of time so I can be numb when it happens

    Ouch

    (((((Daria)))))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 2:36pm

  123. 123: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my best friend finally gave me permission to tell people that she’s pregnant! yay! I’m gonna be an aunty:)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 2:44pm

  124. 124: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    one thing i think will be important for me to do is to not get too involved with anyone, emotionally or time wise, for a while. i haven’t been truly single for many relationships. i jump and jump and jump.

    i thought i lucked out with this last one. i thought my search was over.

    it’s okay

    (((((((starla))))))))))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 2:49pm

  125. 125: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Aww, yesterday I wrote on the blog that I want to be more flirtatious. Well –

    I just smiled (very briefly) at a man standing in line behind me at the store.
    He leaned in & said, “I hope I’m not being rude, but you’re very pretty.” I smiled big & said, “Thank you. That feels nice to hear.” Then I walked up to the cashier (also a man) & he was totally flirting with me too!

    I feel so girly now :-)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 3:07pm

  126. 126: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    quiet blog

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 3:24pm

  127. 127: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    All is not lost, and I have much to focus on. I am really going to enjoy this time to myself. Things I can focus on to feed my life and my soul and my little girl:
    -My new website! So excited!
    -The language I hope to create
    -My physical fitness
    -Belly dancing
    -My home (temple:))
    -My own habits in general
    -Overcoming fears
    -Getting enough sleep
    -Going somewhere new for a quick vacation

    basically, I’d like to create a life and a set of habits for myself that are so strong that when I am in my next relationship, I won’t risk losing myself in it.

    I actually did the best I ever had in my life with CF, in terms of not losing myself. I have Rori and myself to thank for that.

    But I often felt off balance. And that was on me. I feel bad for putting that on him, even just energetically sometimes.

    And I am powerful and sweet and beautiful.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 3:50pm

  128. 128: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    -go on a foreign vacation to perfect one of my languages
    -buying a car
    -saving money
    -cooking healthy
    -maintaining strong relationships with the friends i like best

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 3:53pm

  129. 129: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    -achieving more perfect teeth, by remembering to floss more and getting them whitened:)
    -taking really nice care of my long, awesome hair
    -laser hair removal! yes! this is a big one for me because my body hair in certain places makes me less open sexually and i want it gone.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 4:00pm

  130. 130: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really excited for what’s ahead. i think i am going to go in the bathroom and put on some makeup to show myself some love and self care.

    ((((((((starla))))))))))

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 4:02pm

  131. 131: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    lk – your note is awesome.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 4:12pm

  132. 132: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – sending you lots of healing love energy.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 4:13pm

  133. 133: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    lk – the original one.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 4:16pm

  134. 134: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((( Daria) ))))))))) I love you loving & living your raw honesty & energy. A *lot*

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 4:17pm

  135. 135: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Im online again, Sirens, but again only for a few minutes… am recovering from sickness gradually & hoping to be online again to post & reply to emails tomorrow.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 4:19pm

  136. 136: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    -meditation and visualizations
    -Law of Attraction exploration and fun

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 4:28pm

  137. 137: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hey lovely Sirens,

    Hey, i couldn’t read that long letter either….he, he.

    I couldn’t read all the posts either.

    So I am sending you golden light Feminine Woman, I am sorry to hear that you have an injury.

    Please let me know if you would like me to hold your name in my heart while I sit in Braco’s gaze. Only if I have your permission or to send you healing. :)

    I am feeling so glad to be home and not out and about. When i did my last tarot card online reading, that’s what it said, i would be craving solitude….

    and here’s what Lena the astrologer has to say about the new moon coming up:

    from power path school of shamanism:

    New Moon is Saturday, April 21 at 1:20 AM Mountain Daylight Time. For this new moon we suggest spending a few hours in the power of silence. Feel the power of the still point of the new moon and honor the still point in yourself that allows for things to be reset if needed. This is the great void where all possibilities exist. See if you can become aware in your silence of the void and its power. From this place, anything is possible and that is a powerful place to be.

    Recently the earth has shifted her assemblage point. The recent and very deep earthquake activity has created an opportunity for the earth to reset certain patterns that will be taking us in a different, more conscious direction. As the earth supports us, we should also do what we can to reset our own personal assemblage point, our priorities, our points of reference and our patterns. All you have to do is be willing.

    Blessings, Lena

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 4:55pm

  138. 138: Lush_OasisNo Gravatar says:

    @Anais #119

    Thanks for your reply! I feel relieved and appreciate your time to reply :-)!

    To answer your question IRT the friend — I feel completely content with how the relationship is only as “penpals”. I do not feel any desire or ambition to pursue an actual meet & greet with this person … but I feel grateful for his friendship.

    And as for CD = as many Sirens already know, it can feel sooooo frustrating to *wait*; yet I agree with your suggestions to wait for CD to contact me first. … -tick tock- -tick tock- :)

    As I seem to be a recovering over-functioner with a Type A personality, waiting was not well-defined in my dictionary. Ugh! LOL … all is well.

    Thanks, again {Anais}

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 5:00pm

  139. 139: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla
    How does your makeup look now and are you enjoying your temple?

    you are doing alright, girl!

    Love to you!
    Liz

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 5:07pm

  140. 140: LoveeNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Rori I’m going through the same thing the women who wrote you above is going through. Sadly things are not going so well for me… in fact, things are horrible. I’ve been talking to this guy for months now and we’ve been through ALOT. My feeling have grown tremendously for him and to make a long story short I want us to work, but things are not going well. When we first starting dating he was the chaser and did everything to get my attention and time. Now without warning and many months later I find myself becoming the chaser. I don’t know how this could have happened! He hasn’t contacted me in months and I’m ashamed to say this I contacted him first; a week ago after pouring my heart out to him a couple weeks before via email. He responded with a one word text by the way when I expressed my feelings. I know what a jerk, but he didn’t use to be that way. Now it’s like he has my heart on a string and the more I try to show him what he’s missing the more this string is lowered and the closer my heart is to being completely shattered. Please Advice is needed before i do something else wrong to push him away futher.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 5:11pm

  141. 141: TamNo Gravatar says:

    So Ladies, what would you say if you stood between two men. One who always stepped up, ran forward with the relationship, said that he loved me very early on (I thought it was too early), and was even hinting at marriage. The only complication was kids and ex wife and different styles of living, and that he would not really make compromises around his social life. There were some ‘minor’ issues that upset me, and were not open for compromising from his side, but only mine…

    So then all of a sudden Mr emotionally unavailable (not very affectionate, never talking about feelings etc) turned up for the third time in two years. He started stepping up (I leaned well back from both guys)….called, emailed, took me out on lovely outings, very thoughtful – and I fell for him again. In fact, I do know that he also has feelings for me as he has not been with anyone else in 2 years, it has always only been me – and I can feel the love – well, he had lots of troubles in job and private life so things never worked out with us.
    So this time when he came back, I was with Mr Perfect (above) and asked him (Mr unavailable) that there would be ‘no sex’ as I will only do this in a relationship. He did not know that I was serious with Mr Perfect, but he knew about him.

    So Mr unavailable did exactly as I told him and did not try to touch me or kiss me all this time (weeks!)but just wanted enjoyed my company…I even stayed in a separate room in his house for a weekend and other than a goodnight kiss he tried nothing!!!! He told me that he wanted to show me that ‘this is not all about sex’ – and it made me fall for him more!!!
    Because Mr Perfect (see above) was very much about sex (even said it was the most important thing for him in relationships) and would get ‘moany’ if we did not make love for one day!!! So a week ago I pushed Mr Perfect and my real relationship away, dumped him and now I am in limbo land with Mr unavailable, as he is still unavailable and does not mention the word relationship or girlfriend or anything about commitment. I have met his family, friends etc by the way.

    Mr unavailable still contacts me but I am leaving country in a few days and don’t think he will step up and ‘ask me out’, which would make me stay ( I do have my own place in the country he lives in but am renting it out for financial reasons…and moving back to my home country). I know he is insecure around women, had many disappointments and is somewhat inexperienced at relationships – despite the fact that he is well over 40 – though he did have some long term ones (5 years).

    Do you think I made the wrong decision pushing my ‘real’ relationship and ‘real’ man away? I have a strong connection with Mr unavailable because we can just sit next to each other for hours and talk, or not talk, or do whatever – it just feels right!!! I feel safe and cared for and at peace when with him…but he does not seem able to do or want relationship, and he is not good at making future plans. All I can do is sit back and now I feel that I have lost the good guy who was able to do relationship and marriage and have only half the other guy who will never step up fully. Or will he? Who knows!!

    Would you just lean back further in my case, even though I am potentially moving away in a few days – which I don’t really want? Mr unavailable does all the contacting and making plans but I only hear from him every 2-3 days and we might not even meet before I leave…and there is so much unsaid.
    What to do???????

    xxx

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 6:28pm

  142. 142: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone!

    Whew, have I been busy! LOL, I stumbled on a really effective Craigslist ad!!! I was just cruising thru the “Strictly Platonic” section and I found one sex ad after another!

    So I posted this:

    WHAT ABOUT “STRICTLY PLATONIC” DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????? – w4m – 47 (SLIMEVILLE)

    Date: 2012-04-18, 3:15PM EDT
    Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here

    I am so sick of going in the STRICTLY PLATONIC section and finding appeals for sex.

    There is a whole section for perverts! It’s called “Casual Encounters”! Use it, so people like me can search the ads without feeling slimed.

    I also posted a photo of Siren Island, something I got off the internet. Next thing I knew, I had one response after another of men who wanted to be just friends and not grope me! So I have a pool of about 15 men right now, who I’ve been avidly emailing and texting! Amazing.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 8:20pm

  143. 143: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow, the blog is soooo quiet. it makes me feel paranoid like it’s my fault or something. i feel that way a lot in life when things change. interesting trigger. hello, trigger! i love you:)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 8:36pm

  144. 144: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    healing waterfall,
    my makeup looked beautiful:) i had a nice time with my best friend at her house tonight. we found my anger for CF too. it’s not a violent or hostile anger, but it’s like, “who the f*ck does that in an email, and who the f*ck doesn’t call people back like a grown up.”

    it’s not like i have been blowing up his phone or trying to get him to talk to me. i respected his decision and his space. go on and throw your tantrum, then, CF!

    my friend and i also talked about how someone can be throwing a tantrum and being too mean, even if they’re not yelling or insulting you.

    and i spent some time talking about some of the things in our relationship that frustrated me! and tried to just remember all the dumb sh*t i had to put up with.

    although, honestly, it’s hard to feel like i was “putting up” with anything because i still feel full of love for him right now.

    BUT it feels good to catch some negative perspective and feel a fuller acceptance of the situation.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 8:44pm

  145. 145: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    okay and we weren’t even sleeping together, because we had no where to go do it privately, and i asked him to take care of that and he said he would, but he never did, so I ended up taking care of it, but then when we could finally have sex freely in my house because my roommate moved out, i felt too off balance to do it because he moved away and wasn’t all that concerned about having sex with me before. so i said no sex and he was like “aww okay i’ll wait for you”

    but he never DID anything. he just planned dates and called all the time and was sweet company. which felt amazing to me. better than anything i’d ever had before. but he never DID anything for us to make us a stronger couple, and i guess he wanted those things to happen but he never ever ever spoke up.

    and yet he says i never lead.

    sweetheart, i led this whole dang relationship if you look at it in the right light.

    my friend changed his nickname from “precious CF” to “f*ckinCF”

    he has some growing up to do. i wish him luck! and i feel excited for my own growing:)

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 8:59pm

  146. 146: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i mean, there was no hostility or anything in our ‘break up.’ it was him saying he wanted to back out. so who doesn’t return a dang phone call to have that conversation so we can move on with out lives one way or another? he must really really have a hard time facing things and communicating. more than i originally thought. i hope he finds his voice in this life:)

    he knows when you avoid someone’s calls, it makes them feel like you must think really poorly of them. this is something he was very sensitive to himself, since i didn’t always answer his calls when we were dating and it seemed like it would make him feel very off balance and self conscious.

    so cf, you are a meanie, not on purpose but because you need to grow the eff up and learn to talk to someone. even to say “i saw you called but i am not ready to talk” or even “i saw you called but actually i don’t want to talk at all.”

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:03pm

  147. 147: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels good to notice all the ways he wasn’t quite available for a regular relationship, and all the ways he fell majorly, majorly short in the communication department, and all his little issues that make him kind of a d*ck unintentionally. not because i want to hate him (i never ever would…i still believe he is wonderful), but because it makes everything feel like less of a loss and more of an opportunity.

    ok i better get some sleep. goodnight sirens.

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:06pm

  148. 148: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    one more thing – i feel very proud that i didn’t try desperately to get a hold of him. it’s likely he expected that and also possible that he had a secret fantasy where i would do that or say the right words or beg enough to make him feel wanted.

    this can’t be how you go about getting affection. even if you feel like you’ve been backed into a corner. you use your words.

    i didn’t do anything to deserve the silent treatment. i didn’t kick his puppy or call him names or sleep with someone else.

    although he is entitled to do whatever he likes:)

    i’m just saying….

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:10pm

  149. 149: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    One thought is that CF may be wanting to ignore you because you didn’t run to him or respond right away when he sent the email. Of course, no one truly knows but CF…so I guess I’m getting into thinking mode here….

    Seems you are overall doing really well. And, it’s great to change and grow. You go girl!

    Thursday, 19 April 2012 @ 9:18pm

  150. 150: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t read the whole post from Joan either, probably half, tooooo much analysing going on, I only read Rori’s reply at the end.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:48am

  151. 151: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    So, I’m staying at my friend’s house, so I can feed her cat. I didn’t get here until really late. It’s already 1:00 a.m. and I just ate dinner. Yikes! I wasn’t going to, but I literally can’t sleep on an empty stomach…

    Anyway, I want to catch up on all the posts – I hope FW is doing okay :( Wonder what they were able to do with her fingers?? I’m so tired, though, I started nodding off while reading….

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:01am

  152. 152: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    So I just wanted to share my experience today.

    Y’all haters can hate. But, as I’ve read from some other sirens here, I think there is a general theme of *sometimes* it’s okay to lean forward. I’m wondering if we should go with maybe an 80/20 rule, or something like that. Or even 90/10. But it sounds like 100% leaning back doesn’t always cut it. It’s good when it’s called for. But if ALL we do is lean back, it seems to send the wrong message – i.e. the guy perceives that we are just not interested. Guys like it when girls approach them, too! It makes them feel hot and hunky :)

    But the 80/20 thing means we lean back about 80% of the time, and 20% of the time, we can “do” stuff. That way we get our “active” boy energy something to do, but we’re still not doing more than our guy does.

    We just don’t want to be in ALL forward mode. That’s just yucky. But leaning back so far we lose our balance the other way doesn’t really help…

    What do you girls think???

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:04am

  153. 153: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Right. So, my experience.

    Remember how I said that I hadn’t had a good poo in like 2 days? Well, that continued. Three days. Then four days. I had to go sometimes, it just wasn’t satisfying.

    And remember how I said that it felt like I was also “backed up” emotionally – and that it felt connected to my feelings and expressing myself around VM?

    Well, guess what????

    Today, I got off early from work. I really wanted/needed to get some stuff done for my own business, but it was a beautiful day. I was feeling so stressed out, because I had had a difficult discussion with my employers (I’m not really sure the job is a good fit. But I’m also afraid I am running away too soon. I put in my two weeks’ notice, but they like me, and we’re “leaving the door open” for me to stay or come back. There are just some ways in which I can’t handle the shifts that keep taking place there. I guess change is part of life. But too much change all the time – like as soon as you get settled into one pattern – is too much. It’s disruptive and it’s stressing me.) Anyway, that was way beside the point!

    The point is, I was stressed. I went to the beach and melted into the sand for two hours. And voila! I was not stressed! :)

    I actually came home and had a phone message from my friend K, who thinks I’m hot and wants to date me ;)

    But before I called him back – before I did anything – there was only one thing I wanted to do. It was like a window I felt opening in the Universe, and I suddenly felt comfortable calling VM. I first looked in the mirror and made sure that I had no agenda. And when I was sure, I was even excited about calling him. And when I did, he picked up!

    We had a very good conversation – it was all that I could have hoped for, and more. There are still a few things that I probably could have said, but at a certain point, the conversation was just going on so long. I guess we are in agreement about the whole thing. It didn’t work for him, and it didn’t work for me. But now I know so much more about how he felt, and what was going on for him!

    I really made it my only agenda item to listen to him. And I talked some, too. But I really made a point of listening.

    And I even told him that I had no agenda, and he said voluntarily that he really appreciated that.

    I could see, from some of the things he told me, that he was acting based on expectations and fears of the future that, quite frankly, were in his imagination and just don’t exist. Of course, he made them real by acting on them. But they are still not true – and none of the things that he said about me before rang true in light of them. In fact, I feel even BETTER about myself. I am GLAD that I called. It felt good to talk!

    I feel more clear, and able to get on with my life.

    And about 20 minutes after the phone call, I had a very satisfying poo. So there you go.

    (And this is so funny, because I always cringe when I read about this stuff, and I never want to talk about it, but this is true! It happened!)

    Lean back was great, and it really helped me get myself in order. But ultimately, I needed to express and I needed to discuss, and I just knew this about myself, and there is NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. IT’S GOOD.

    Hooray for me for honoring myself, and doing what felt right and good in the moment. I felt really connected, and really certain of who I was, and I believe I communicated about myself honestly. And that is really ALL that I wanted.

    Thanks, ladies! good night!! :-)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:18am

  154. 154: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yeah. P.s. The other thing he said that really struck me as honest and real was that he said that he was disappointed, too. That felt really solid to me, somehow. Like it made the whole thing three-dimensional. He wasn’t just casually throwing it all away and feeling nothing about it. He really cared, and had had a different idea about how he wanted it to turn out, and he wished it could have been different, too. I don’t know why that makes me feel better – better isn’t really the word for it. Real. It just makes it feel real. And I like that. Because it’s better than feeling like I’m just imaging whatever’s been happening and that it’s only real to me. Because it was real for him, too. It happened. And that’s the way it was. Ok, good night.

    Sweet dreams!!!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:32am

  155. 155: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    weeee im practicing opening up oh wow!

    im feeling thrilled and happy

    i tlaked to this guy and i felt a bit “grilled’

    and i kept leaning back and opening up

    and at the end he sent me a message like

    youre so cute!

    and i felt good!

    yay

    hehehehe

    weeeee

    and then i talked to this other guy and we SO connected

    and we talked about spirituality
    a
    nd i noticed i felt tightened up

    mroe for me to heal

    i want to see about sprituality and emotions heart and

    not get confused with it

    i want to open up emotionally

    and connecte thru the heart

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:40am

  156. 156: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i said to neighbor CD it would feel good to hang out

    and i thought he was comin over but he didnt

    and i felt all the terrilbe feelings and i was feeling them in slow motion!

    i even cried as i felt the disappointment

    and still i was ok!

    i was actually still on the phone with him and NOT blaming him!

    it felt amazing and the feelings passed!

    i feel excited

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:54am

  157. 157: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany – I think leaning back all the way is really important !

    I think guys may ‘like it’ when we lean forward, and they may feel good about themselves… but it doesn’t make them feel good about us, or attracted to us. It turns them off. Shoot when we ‘lean forward’ we’re literlaly in MASCULINE energy. so guess who gets to feel liek the girl. the man does. Most men don’t want to fele like a girl romantically.

    They get INTO a romance to feel more like a MAN.

    And for us, leaning forward is something we do when we don’t feel comfortable just feeling our feelings… and we think we have to DO something to get a result…

    and actually our results come from not doing anything… the better we are at not doing anything, the better results we get hehe… and actually the less stressed we feel… and that in itself gets us better results

    for us to get Better results from leaning all the way back, I would do stuff to lower my stress levels…

    And I would focus my practice on my openess… rather than on leaning forward. The more open I am the better I can attract. And crazily… im actually NOT being open when i lean forward. Im covering up my openess with overfunctioning

    ((((Daria)))))

    how could you ahve bene open with neighbroCD

    i coulda said

    im feeling all frustrated and pist that i have another day of feeling lonely without plans

    (((Daria)))

    i judged myself as sounding all intense and complainy

    ((((Daria))))

    I really appreciate my working through and scripting that!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:15am

  158. 158: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im having some trouble

    i am wondering about believing the woman is the spiritual leader of a relationship and a man is the leader in material ways

    what i want is for a man to support my spiritual beliefs and my endeavors on sharing my gifts

    and maybe i don’t need to

    is this unneccessary?

    im feeling confused

    ***

    ok i just shifted on that belief

    mmm

    feeling emotions

    (((Daria)))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:20am

  159. 159: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so i want to talk to people about healing all battling and violence and healing and peace instead

    and i feel all tightened up aaaah

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:27am

  160. 160: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens!

    Sorry I’ve been MIA in the last days, I was so busy but also so happy!

    I don’t have much time to write, I’m just waiting for my dress to get dry so I can leave for work.

    So far, I am very happy with my new job. I made like 15 new friends and I already organised an happy hour last night (my boy energy) and everyone had fun.

    I’m also feeling so proud of my new car. My new collegues who saw it in the parking lot at work all said it was amazing.

    Yesterday, I went to show him to ATW like we agreed the other day. We went on the mountain to smoke and I let him drive. He asked me if I could drive him to X place because he was going to meet his friends there. I said no. I was ok to drive him to his place because it was on my way home, but I’m not his private driver and it felt a little bad to hear that. But I know he didn’t want to do bad. He just asked like sometimes I ask too. But I’m happy I hold that boundary and said NO. So I let him at the corner of 2 streets and he took a cab. I was not even home and I received a text from him saying “Super car, super new job, super chick”. I replied with a super good feeling message “Ah that is nice! I feel really happy and free.” He also said (without me asking) that we are gonna start to see each other more often and that we could go for a few little road trip this summer and he even talked about a full week of vacation! Wow in the moment I didn’t really realised it, but right now, I am feeling pretty surprised that he talked about vacation for in 4 months. I said “well, if everything goes well” (like he sometimes says) and looked at me like “what are you saying, are you insane?” hehe.

    I’m happy he was nice with me but I really have no expectation and I really don’t even have time to make expectation. I have so many more things to do since I have this new job and this new car, I am really focusing on me and on the new fun things in my life.

    The cute guy from another city who is in my training class at work has a girlfriend. But he said he didn’t live with him. But I’m not gonna go there. He came out with us last night and we got to know each other a little bit more. I case he comes to me more seriously, I might be open, since it’s just a “girl he is dating” like he said, but we’ll see.

    Anyway, I’ve got to go ladies, I’ll be late for work if I chat more.

    I’ll try to come back more this weekend and to catch up with your stories.

    xoxo

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:40am

  161. 161: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Good. Morning sirens . My eye is still bothering me :( feeling concerned and if it gets any worse. , I will go gave it looked at. I had hoped I’d wake up this morning and feel better. C called this morning and was all pleasant and chatty… We mostly talked about the girls. But I love when I can hear the smile in his voice.

    Today is going to be busy…. I have work, then need to go get 4 new tires, stop at a friends…. And then home to clean. I have my breakfast date with the chemist in the morning, birthday party in the afternoon, and then dinner with the airplane guy at night. Ohio wants to see me Sunday, but I haven’t committed to that yet.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:43am

  162. 162: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, yes, you should go have it checked. How long has it been bothering you?

    I’m having a pretty busy day too. I’m gearing up for an 11-hour shift today then when I’ll get here late tonight, I still have to get stuff ready for the rest of the weekend since I’m working until Monday evening.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:59am

  163. 163: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday, HW!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 5:04am

  164. 164: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    (((FeminineWoman)))

    (((Starla)))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 5:25am

  165. 165: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Healing Waters,

    Happy Birthday!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:04am

  166. 166: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I was driving in my car last night and I saw a random guy running. I was looking at him, and discovered it was Jack CD. How did I feel? Thrilled. I felt thrilled. I haven’t felt that in a long time…

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:30am

  167. 167: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #156 – I want a man to be the spiritual leader in my relationship. I want both of us to contribute, but it feels so good when a man challenges me to take the higher road and teaches me stuff!

    My contrast is between Nightmare and Right. Nightmare was constantly trying to convince me to do immoral things. I didn’t like who I was becoming when I was married to him and following down his road.

    Altho Right has serious issues, one of the things I admire is most areas of his life are very pure and high level. It’s hard to explain after all the negative stuff I’ve laid out. But there are parts of him that I admire highly and learn from.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:31am

  168. 168: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I am helping a good friend pack and move, so I don’t have much time on here right now. Plus I’ve been CDing in a big way (so far only on the internet). Love you all!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:34am

  169. 169: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @157 Lizka – I felt really happy reading that. It felt warm and adventurous and open and fresh.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:36am

  170. 170: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove,

    I feel that you, like me, are attracted to men with a strong Pluto energy. The higher vibrational mode of Pluto is all about Purity, so I understand when you say “one of the things I admire is most areas of his life are very pure and high level”.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:45am

  171. 171: lkNo Gravatar says:

    thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:52am

  172. 172: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel excited for the summertime. I feel sure that I am going to evolve into an even more amazing version of myself. I feel hopeful and warm and expansive.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:12am

  173. 173: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday, Healing Waters!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:12am

  174. 174: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Healing Waterfall! Hope you have a great day!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:15am

  175. 175: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!

    I’m preparing for my trip to the beach with GM. I feel good, solid, like I am ready to have fun no matter what he does or says.

    To help me prepare for so much time with him, I bought Rori’s Toxic Men program. I took the quiz and GM is rated as a “Difficult Man” . . . lol – no kidding!

    I loved the exercize about going inside yourself and getting to know your “Stranger” – that was awesome for me! She has issues . . . lol, but she has strengths that I lack and now that I know her (Her name is Sarah – Think Sarah Connor from Terminator) . . . I can use her strengths! Sweet!

    I wonder if GM will notice a difference in me now that I am working on myself through Rori. It has been a very long time since he and I went out of town together and we were a couple then. I think I have changed in some very subtle, but important ways. I’m looking forward to being in the moment with him and sinking into myself and how it feels to be there with him – instead of closing up and protecting myself from my feelings and trying to hide from him emotionally so I would not get hurt.

    This trip is going to be like a science experiment for me – how I feel, how he responds, how i feel about how he responds . . . lol. I bet I will have a lot to tell you when we get back. We leave a week from today and I am spending the night at his house Thursday night – last time I did that was Christmas night and we were no longer a couple, but you would not have know it from the way we acted . . .

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:30am

  176. 176: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @91 lk

    The letter is nice. I might take out the rush hour part and just say you’d be able to get to his office around 5pm.

    Good luck!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:53am

  177. 177: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @127 Starla

    I had that same plan when I didn’t date for 3 years, create my own routine cause I never really had my own, but I wasn’t strong enough and I still lost myself when I got interested in a guy. I really need to work on this too. Good luck with creating your routine!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:04am

  178. 178: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    How do you all seem to know when it is a siren’s birthday?
    Special magical powers?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:12am

  179. 179: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @145 Starla,

    The last 3 guys have given me the silent treatment. I think they do it because of their own guilt and it has nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally, eventually, all 3 of them talked. Just sit back and wait for it. Haha…something I never did.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:14am

  180. 180: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I love the song Santeria by Sublime, but I feel guilty for likely it after I realized what the lyrics say, but it’s such a catchy, feel good tune!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:16am

  181. 181: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @149 Tiffany

    I agree with you. I feel leaning back 100% of the time will make them feel like we don’t care at all.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:18am

  182. 182: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t practice santeria ! i aint got no crystal ball, well i had a million dollars but ! do do do do i spent it all !

    wheeeeeee yay

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:23am

  183. 183: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @starla

    queria leer “Irreplaceable” por Beyonce en espanol ? es posible ?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:25am

  184. 184: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i love sublime dearly

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:30am

  185. 185: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    givinggirl 176 – how long did it take them to talk to you? what did they say? just curious.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:32am

  186. 186: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    happy birthday hw!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:33am

  187. 187: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, i’m just doing >English right now. We could get together sometime and try to translate it into spanish together, just for fun!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:45am

  188. 188: lkNo Gravatar says:

    a la izquierda ! a la izquierda ! todo lo que tienes en una caja a la izquierda…. en el armorio, son mis cosas – por favor, no las toques !

    lol

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:51am

  189. 189: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I would just like to state for the record that I am completely in love with CF and would do it again in a heartbeat if we could figure this out. I would gladly open up to the way he prefers things to be, because I just adore him like I’ve never adored anyone in my life and because he is special and important to me, and because i do trust him to take care of me enough that i’d like to take care of him back. That is truly how I feel about him.

    And if he can’t do it, I hate that. But I accept it.

    And if he just won’t talk to me, well, I have to move with my life! My heart is more broken than it’s ever been and I can’t suffer just to “prove” my pain. I keep feeling like there is this expectation for me to do this. If he and I ever have a chance at this again, or if i am to ever have a chance at this kind of true love in general with anyone, spending this time right now suffering and making myself sick with heartbreak for more than a couple of weeks is not going to serve me.

    It feels really hard to move on. my heart feels broken.

    and i have so much going for me and this is a great opportunity to focus on my blessings and the positive instead of this huge loss i feel. it’s okay to feel loss but i need to get excited about my life and my blessings.

    ((((((((starla)))))))))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:00am

  190. 190: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @182 Starla

    givinggirl 176 – how long did it take them to talk to you? what did they say? just curious.

    I don’t think I hate anything worse than being ignored or given the silent treatment. It’s a huge trigger for me. I tend to get wordy, send texts & long emails & kind of explode. The complete opposite of how you are handling things.

    Shy Guy took about 2 weeks and just sent a humorous text in reply to mine, which was his way of saying things are ok, but this situation was a complicated web. We never discussed anything, but we had never actually dated either. We are still friends.

    Military Guy – he gave me the silent treatment for a while off and on. He pursued me, but then canceled our 1st date 4 times. I asked him if I should be thinking he really doesn’t want to go out with me. He told me, no, please don’t think that. Things are just really hectic right now…so we went out, had a nice meal, watched some TV, but it was not a late night. The next time he asked about getting together and said he had some things to do and would text me later when he knew what time. That text never came. So, I text him basically telling him a little common courtesy would be nice as I’ve been being very patient with everything going on with him and it only takes 1 minute to send a text saying tonight isn’t going to work. That’s when he ignored me. It took him about a week to say we should just be friends (never apologized for any of his crap) and maybe when things settle down we can try again. A week later, he came back around, his friend had passed away and he was being all sweet again, but then he went on vacation and that was it. He got really distant. I sent him a few emails and he said he doesn’t have the time or desire to date anyone right now and we should be friends. So, I said a few thing and then was like, ok, we’ll be friends. He had injured himself while on vacation, but then when I was being friendly, he just ignored me or would give very uncaring replies, like just because he felt he had to. I saw him at a store and just just walked right past me. This was from April last year, then in December I mailed him a Xmas card and he mailed one back, but we still haven’t seen each other or spoken. Funny though, he did get another gf shortly after me and he has all the time in the world for her. So there you go!

    Boat Guy has given me the silent treatment 2 times. The first time was about 2 weeks, and what got him out of it was me crying on his voicemail. Then he text me that he wasn’t feeling good about this either and he doesn’t want to hurt me. 2nd time was only a couple days, again he replied after I left a VM. I think once he hears my voice, he can no longer avoid.

    There is so much more to these stories (all could be books). Shy Guy would never have talked if I didn’t keep on him cause he never initiates anything, not even a wave as he drives by. Military Guy would have eventually talked, but it would have taken a lot longer if I wasn’t trying to get him to talk, but it probably would have been a better situation had I just stopped and let him come to me. Boat Guy won’t ever leave me hanging for too long. Probably a month tops and then he would probably just chat me on FB or send a random pointless text. I’m not sure why that is, but he always comes back around to me.

    Tangled webs I weave. All 3 guys know each other. Military Guy and Boat Guy are friends and hang out. Shy Guy and Military Guy live down the street from me and are practically neighbors. Boat Guy used to be my neighbor and is still neighbors with my ex-bf & is friends with my other friends. Boat Guy and Shy Guy work with my Mom. Shy Guy & his family and my other friends are also friends with my ex-bf. Everyone knows each other, it’s so small and cozy! LOL

    All guys are different, but I think CF will come around to you. It may take a month, but I think he will. Be patient, you will be glad you were. I often regret things I’ve said during my moments of triggering from the silent treatment.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:32am

  191. 191: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    holy cr*p my immediate supervisor at my fancy corporate job just emailed me to wish me a happy 4-20. <3 universe loves me so.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:32am

  192. 192: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:35am

  193. 193: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    givinggirl, i usually can’t read long posts, but i really enjoyed reading about all your guys. it feels so nice that someone took the time to relate to me:)
    love you!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:38am

  194. 194: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i went to the dentist yesterday & practiced receiving attention from the 2 practitioners & my hygienist : )))

    i seriously left feeling like a RockStar : )

    & i walked out the Sneaky Way & sung my favorite dramatic latin ballad at the top of my lungs in the stairwell : ))))))

    &&& i hxte one part of it & i asked to be “excused” from it & they said yes & it made my whole afternoon more enjoyable.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:45am

  195. 195: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t have a great voice or anything, but i think anyone sounds like a choir of angels singing in a stairwell or a parking garage : ))) really fun acoustics – i highly recommend it

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:46am

  196. 196: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    It sounds like CF is handling your break-up the same way my ex-boyfriend handled ours, except my guy did call me to tell me he wanted out. Well, I should caution though, that the email I sent him about a professional matter was simply overlooked and he wasn’t not replying intentionally for the week and a half in which I didn’t hear a reply. (I eventually did send him another email with a few feeling messages and a restatement of my question, and he was very apologetic that he’d missed the first email.)

    The point is, I felt the same way you did when I thought he was not together enough to even reply to an email about a professional matter! That experience really tapped into my anger over the situation!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:49am

  197. 197: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    On page 100 of the book, He’s Scared, She’s Scared and it says lots of people who think they are looking for commitment are actually commitmentphobic and choose people who they know won’t commit and they don’t even realize it. I think I may be that person. What if I am commitmentphobic and don’t realize it? What if I’m doing all of this to myself?

    I feel scared to think that because I really want things to work out with Boat Guy, but what if it just isn’t something that can possibly work out because I’m commitmentphobic and I chose him because he is too?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:53am

  198. 198: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Brandylion))))))
    Thanks for sharing your experience:)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:08am

  199. 199: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @194 Giving Girl – It sounds like you might be in your head. My gut tells me that the head, or the masculine energy, is the one worrying and asking the “what if” questions. Something I do too much…

    How do you feel right now? How do you feel when you’re with Boat Guy?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:15am

  200. 200: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious. I’ve felt more longing and need and desperation for SeenmecryCD since I found out about his gf. Like, I want him more now, or something. Is this because of my fear of commitment? Or, like most people, do I just want what I know I can’t have?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:20am

  201. 201: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, thank you & you’re welcome. love you too! :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:23am

  202. 202: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @196 lamabutterfly

    Yes, I am in my head, I guess. It’s very hard for me to get out of my head.

    Right now, I’m feeling anxious, nervous, worried, fearful, sad (teary-eyed as I type), forgotten, lacking, tired, and scared.

    When I’m with Boat Guy I feel excited, happy, joy, cared for, understood, beautiful, safe, cozy, content, and relaxed.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:32am

  203. 203: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @197 lamabutterfly

    Maybe it makes you feel competitive, like you need to be better than her and if he responded to those feelings you are feeling, then you would be? I guess what I’m saying is maybe it has to do with your self-esteem?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:37am

  204. 204: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 197 Iamabutterfly it is human nature to want what you can’t have.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:46am

  205. 205: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    yeayyy for craigslist!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:59am

  206. 206: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I’m gasping at your letter and am unable to say much of anything helpful. To dump a mr available, whatever the issues, for a mr. unavailable no matter what other qualities he possesses – tells me straight out that relationship is not your priority. If you can just get okay with that – and have lovers and dates and men friends – that’s just fine.

    But please don’t lie to yourself that somehow you’re going to turn mr. unavailable into mr. right. I don’t believe that’s what you want – and this all has to do with you and your relationship with you. Love, Rori

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:03am

  207. 207: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Lovee – he doesn’t have your heart on a string. You’ve PUT your heart on a string and are trying to throw that string into his hands. Please be truthful with yourself – you can’t possibly want a real relationship, not really, and allow yourself to stay hung up on this man. Circular Date, go to some kind of spiritual center, read books, get all my programs and practice the tools – if you work towards loving yourself and ACTING like you love yourself – this will all go away – and you have to ask yourself truthfully – do you really WANT all this pain to go away? Love, Rori

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:05am

  208. 208: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Dominique and the rest of you sirens

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:23am

  209. 209: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Giving Girl. I’m just going to work on opening my heart more with him, when I get to be with him. I just miss when he made the effort to be with me. I feel like a teenie tiny hole is in my heart where he used be. hmm…is that all I was willing to give to him? Is that all I felt brave enough to give him?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:26am

  210. 210: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @209 lamabutterfly

    I can understand why you miss that. Why are you afraid of commitment?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:37am

  211. 211: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I have Rori’s ebook. If I could only afford to purchase one program, which one would you ladies recommend?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:38am

  212. 212: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – I missed your story, but from what I gather from the comments, you have an injury. I hope you recover quickly!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:40am

  213. 213: lkNo Gravatar says:

    yesterday my mama was talking to me about work & i mentioned cd had emailed me about a job he heard about …. & she said, Oh have you told him that you don’t do it that way ?

    LOL !!! she was like, just explain to him how you just decide & then things happen

    lordy lordy i hope so : )

    it would feel so amazingly delicious to have that space & gentleness as the fundamental flow beneath my life…. & i can really See myself doing that work….. & how exactly i would apply my different skills … & how i could be a “drifter” & “Just Be” but at the same time, get a lot done & feel really really really really pleased & peaceful & excited about it : ))))))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:50am

  214. 214: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    So those of u on the FB group might remember the story I gave about being ‘celibate’ now and when i realized it was 4 the wrong reasons. Soooo…. I just had some and it felt so gooood. im glad i did and im kinda mad i kept away from this for weeks and weeks i mean COME ON.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:13pm

  215. 215: lkNo Gravatar says:

    went into the kitchen at work feeling hungry & sad after cloistering myself away with this intense data project…

    & my 2 besties were there ! & my friend was like, “ohhh you do not have a lunch ? i accidentally have double lunch : ) ” So i ate that ! & now i feel happy & also i got to talk to my other friend that every time i talk to him… it feels like i talk to my brother too. it’s weird. like reflex points ? like, you touch this spot on your foot to relieve sinus pressure…. you interact spiritually with this man & you get spiritual juice from the other man…

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:23pm

  216. 216: lkNo Gravatar says:

    emoticon : )

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:26pm

  217. 217: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori talked about how women are more conscious – just are – on the whole

    and that inspired me

    i no longer want to expect a man to be more spiritual than me

    i know i am the Goddess, the spirit, I am the one worshipped

    in Avatar there is a leader of the people – the blue girl’s father

    and the one who interprets spirit – shes the mother

    that feels good to me

    the mother is the keeper of the spirit of her people

    i want to be seen honored and recognized for this role

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:28pm

  218. 218: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling confused on how to be the keeper of the spirit without using preachy energy to preach to a man

    i want help with this thank you

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:35pm

  219. 219: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Daria

    maybe there is a masc/fem element to spirituality ?

    then maybe you could “share” it…. & i suppose that “looks like” the woman also having a “role” in the community leadership / politics – but a fem one still …….. sounds lovely to me : )

    love you daria : )

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:42pm

  220. 220: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    i love Daria too, a whole lot! I feel really drawn 2 her posts and everything.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:45pm

  221. 221: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i tried some brewer’s yeast this morning.

    i made 2 T to about 1.5 c hot water with cayenne & salt.

    i think i’ll try it next time with 1 T to 1 c water, cayenne, salt, & lemon

    also occurred to me that tomato juice might be good with it…. though i’m not sure if i want to eat raw tomatoes

    & also, i’ve been “craving” clam-ato juice, even though i’ve never had it : )

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:47pm

  222. 222: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    lk

    What’s the brewer’s yeast for?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:49pm

  223. 223: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hehe i DO practice Santeria. like, for real.

    I don’t practice {insert your spiritual beliefs here} , ouch

    daria feels sad

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:52pm

  224. 224: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks ladies! Goodheart, lk, Emoticon … that feels good

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:53pm

  225. 225: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my life purpose is to be a spiritual leader and bring a new consciousness and heal all violence wars/imprisonment and have peace instead

    this is feeling triggering for me right now

    ive been haveing like a spiritual awakening the past few days

    with my spine writing like a snake and my body healing and releasing energies from the pelvis

    im now at the heart and throat and going into the head and also went down one thigh and to the knee yesterday

    im feeling uncomfortable!

    i wonder what beliefs there are in this so i can shift them consciously, even though everything is shifting and healing unconsciously too

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:56pm

  226. 226: lkNo Gravatar says:

    according to Jane Fonda – my nutrition & fitness guru – brewer’s yeast is high in protein, assists with digestion, & is a sort of SuperFood

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:57pm

  227. 227: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i’m looking for something else to have in the morning

    when i feel too Raw to eat full food, but i do feel hungry & i don’t want caffeine & i do want some calories

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:00pm

  228. 228: lkNo Gravatar says:

    GivingGirl, those 2 above were to you – sorry : )

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:01pm

  229. 229: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, i eat a little greek yogurt when i feel like that. i like the lemon kind from liberte.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:18pm

  230. 230: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i went to the lunch workout at that gym and i feel so proud of myself and amazing!

    and i noticed that exercising really gets the emotions moving. like i feel pretty dang upset right now about CF, but it feels productive and not like it’s hurting me. do you know what i mean?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:21pm

  231. 231: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    lk

    I make smoothies for breakfast with spinach, banana, frozen fruit, olive oil, hemp protein powder, pecans, and coconut or almond milk. You can pretty much mix and match what you like – yogurt, carrots, apples, raspberries, mango, kale, arugula, pears…they say melons are not good for it, but basically anything else.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:23pm

  232. 232: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla – yes, exercise does help.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:24pm

  233. 233: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ew, you guys : p LOL

    actually i want something Warm to slowly sip while i journal and am “waking”…. before my yoga, so not “heavy” as i actually prefer to do my first yoga before i eat : )

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:28pm

  234. 234: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @lk 233 – try a hot cup of green tea! so good for you.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:35pm

  235. 235: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    or red tea….super antioxidants

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:37pm

  236. 236: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, i like bobs red mill (i think that’s the brand) brown rice cereal. you could sip it.

    or if you like caffeine, i like chocolate mate from guyaki. it feels substantial, even though it’s just tea

    or get some old fashioned mate and you could steep it several times in the morning and share it with CD as a ritual. i love the mate ritual.

    and i also like to heat up some hemp milk and you could add whatever spices you like

    just ideas:) i won’t feel butt-hurt if they don’t feel good for you.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:37pm

  237. 237: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i looove red tea, that feels substantial too. african rooibos yum yes please

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:40pm

  238. 238: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @237 Starla – I love it too!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:42pm

  239. 239: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    lk – hemp seeds, alone, in yogurt, in a smoothie, on cereal maybe. they are a COMPLETE protein, higher than any other non-animal source, plus they have the perfect balance of all the omegas, 3, 6, and 9. They very easy to digest, and highly assimilable. I have a sensitive digestion and have absolutely NO problem with them.

    Brewers yeast in my experience does not aid digestion, and for me personally, it really messes it up, as in horrible, painful gas.

    It was once a superfood, think 80s.

    Now we have hemp, goji berries, maca, acai, pomegranate, kale. There are others. These ones come to mind readily.

    xxoo

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:46pm

  240. 240: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @210 Giving Girl – I feel sad to write about this. This has been an issue for me for such a long time.

    I don’t really remember feeling the fear of commitment until I was a freshman in college. I felt him pursuing me, after flirting with him aggressively for several months. Suddenly, he was aggressively pursuing me. I remember feeling like hiding. I felt found out. He started observing me closely, and showing up in places I frequented habitually. I remember feeling scared. I remember wanting to change my routine, so he couldn’t find me. He wasn’t being creepy or stalker-esque or anything. Just trying to bump into me, spend more time with me.

    Even though nothing happened because I wouldn’t let it, it took me a long time to get over him.

    I didn’t feel scared with the next guy, because he was my friend, and had a girlfriend.

    He took the lead and invited me into HIS life, instead of observing my life and trying to come into it.

    Losing this guy (my choice, again, though I didn’t consciously know it) was the hardest. Probably because I was so wrapped up in HIS life, that I didn’t care for my own?

    I feel like when I commit, I let people see me. and I feel like what they see is ugly. What they see is spoiled and lazy and scatter-brained and too sad and too happy and just too much altogether.

    I feel like when (certain) people get close to me (males and females included) all my bad stuff disgusts them. I feel like they get frustrated and tired of me.

    am I frustrated and tired of myself?

    I feel so sad thinking about this and writing about this.

    Thanks for asking, though.

    I need to heal it all…

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:49pm

  241. 241: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori, that’s what I figured also. I kind of invented reasons to push away Mr available, after Mr unavailable turned up (on his best behaviour, which is unlikely to last). So now I am sorry and feel pretty upset with myself, but feel it’s too late to get Mr available back – and we had some issues too (but they would have been fixable if I had had the intention). Guess I messed up. :(
    Thanks for your comment though, deep down I knew it was probably me who is the unavailable one here. I do have some big issues going on in my life too but I really did want a relationship, and it felt really nice to be in one – until I destroyed it. No use in crying over spilt milk though, right? Onwards and upwards!!
    Thanks everyone.
    xxx

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:49pm

  242. 242: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I’m trying to feel my feelings, but I’m not entirely sure what they are.

    I feel bothered that Boat Guy didn’t want to see me before he left on vacation.

    I feel bothered that Boat Guy doesn’t tell me when he’s leaving (in advance) or when he’s coming home, unless I ask. This time I didn’t ask, so I’m assuming he’ll be home tomorrow, but I don’t know for sure or when.

    I feel bothered that Boat Guy hasn’t mentioned a surprise party that’s happening tomorrow for a friend. I don’t know if he’ll be home for it, I don’t know if he was even invited to it, I don’t know if I will be seeing him there, if he is going, it would be nice to go together, but I haven’t mentioned it either. I guess I will be surprised tomorrow.

    We haven’t spoken since Wed. and I would feel really good if he would text me something substantial. He’s really only texted me a couple of pics while he was gone and asked how the weather was here.

    Blah!!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:52pm

  243. 243: lkNo Gravatar says:

    YUM you guys !!! thank you !

    rice cereal, red tea, & spiced hemp milk all sound delicious : )))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:52pm

  244. 244: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @242 Giving Girl – you say you feel “bothered.” I don’t understand what that means. Do you feel scared? Do you feel insecure? Do you feel angry? Do you feel sad? “Bothered” isn’t really an emotion, that I’m aware of. I feel like you’re feeling uncomfortable. What emotion is attached to that uncomfortableness? See if you can feel it out…

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:56pm

  245. 245: lkNo Gravatar says:

    LOL Dominique don’t make me eat maca powder !!!

    yum, though. thank you for the reminders. i’ll chase hemp for a while. spiced hemp milk or red tea sounded best of the options & i can do both… & i can put hemp seeds in my porridge or yogurt after yoga : )

    thank you : )))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:57pm

  246. 246: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @242 Giving Girl – I’m sensing that you might feel afraid of your feelings. How do they feel? Intense? Mixed all together? If you can let go of the fear of feeling them, it might help you identify them more easily…

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:58pm

  247. 247: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @240 lamabutterfly

    I’m sorry my question made you feel sad. I have to run, but I will type more later.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:58pm

  248. 248: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Daria))))

    aww thank you for trying to help!

    and so sorry for not acknowledging your efforts

    your efforts are seen and honored and appreciated!

    and oh i feel so good that you decided to take care of yourself emotionally and not overfunction to put yourself in a situation that wouldve felt bad

    you’re such an awesome daughter and woman and human and being

    i encourage you to go have FUN right now!!

    you deserve fun every moment :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 1:59pm

  249. 249: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 242 Giving Girl – How does your body feel? how does your head, chest, arms, legs, stomach, feet, and fingertips feel? sometimes you can feel sensations and emotions in them if you pay attention…

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:00pm

  250. 250: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @244 lamabutterfly

    I’m still trying to figure it out, but maybe insecure, unimportant.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:00pm

  251. 251: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love your sadness!

    I love your disappointment!

    awwww i feel sorry you feel that way!

    Big HUGS!

    I will be ok!

    Thank you for your efforts to care for me

    EVERYTHING will be ok and it would feel great to see you feeling relaxed, loved, honored, and playing :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:01pm

  252. 252: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    lk – please don’t eat maca powder by itself, yuck, gross. lol do the hemp. I’m hooked on it, the seeds and the milk.

    xxoo

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:01pm

  253. 253: lkNo Gravatar says:

    birthday gift ideas ?

    cd’s birthday is tomorrow & i got nothing. i’m going to pick up a 6pack of beer : ) &…. maybe a candy bar or some ice cream : )

    i’m going to make a card for him tomorrow…

    i was going to make some cupcakes too… but i may not.

    thoughts ?

    i don’t want him to feel “unloved” or “unimportant”

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:02pm

  254. 254: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love your anger!

    thank you for feeling anger!

    thank you for noticing it and healing our family relationships!

    yay!

    you’re so awesome!

    BIG HUGS!!! (((((Daria)))))

    Big smiles at you

    awwwww my baby girl

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:02pm

  255. 255: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lk wow cupcakes and handmade card! /Ive never done that for anyone or received them! amazing

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:05pm

  256. 256: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    beer and candy feels lovely too :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:15pm

  257. 257: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am still pondering about my story (141)….because the irony is that using the tools learnt in Rori’s ebook etc actually made Mr ‘unavailable’ step up like crazy. He loved the feeling messages and the ‘leaning back’, and he kept stepping up. If I had not practiced all those tools he probably wouldn’t have made such an impact on my life and just disappeared again. Has that happened to any of you? It actually makes finding the right man more difficult, right? If they all start stepping up…I think this is what confused me…it’s actually funny. I wonder if any of you had a similar experience, where someone you thought of as ‘commitment phobe’ actually started coming towards you when you used all these tools?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:22pm

  258. 258: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh. Feeling very upset.

    MWC hasn’t been in touch at all today and it is now late at night here.

    This is unheard of.

    Gremlin voices jabbering away loudly right now.

    As for me I feel tired, cold, fed up and alone.

    And tired out of being broke.

    :-(

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:28pm

  259. 259: lkNo Gravatar says:

    tam,

    i hear rori saying you don’t stop dating any of them until one of them commits Fully to you : ))) so then… you don’t notice when they “disappear” or “take a break” because as you say there are a million men stepping up for you : )

    not like whack-a-mole, where you are trying to Catch them as they Pop Up… : ) more like…. you are the person, watching the race from the finish line who drops the flag to signify the winner : )

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:31pm

  260. 260: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Ella)))))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:32pm

  261. 261: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you lk, that makes sense….a lot of sense..except it is confusing when it seems to work so well…ha!! ;)
    And in fact, talking of commitment, even Mr Perfect had only hinted at marriage, for ‘practical reasons’…and they were mostly practical reasons…and when I mentioned the topic, he went all quiet…so I guess even he had not yet made it to the finishing line!! Oh, this is complicated!!!
    Thanks for clearing it up though!!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:38pm

  262. 262: TamNo Gravatar says:

    LK, I just saw the ‘millions’..ha!! millions?? No, only two and both disappeared… :(
    Oh well, more fish in the sea..

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:39pm

  263. 263: lkNo Gravatar says:

    aww thank you Daria !! now i feel excited & like it is Fun & Festive : )))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:42pm

  264. 264: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Oh im so bored….i yelled at my Beau yesterday
    and i felt awful today….
    i get so mad at him…cause he wants me to stay home all the time and i dont want to
    so much for feeling messages lol
    i screamed that i feel bored bored bored
    of the gym
    and i want to go out
    i went to an end of the term get together and he was pissed….omg it was just free liquor with co workers i barely know and i didnt even drink….
    yuck
    now i feel afraid to rock the boat…yuck
    so boring…
    im bored of relationships
    why r they so confining…????

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:54pm

  265. 265: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    lk
    ohh i want to whack a mole….thats such an awesome picture….
    i want to hit the moles
    i want to go out and see men…yummy flirty, sexy men who gives me compliments….
    i would take a sexy looking young mole right now lol

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 2:56pm

  266. 266: lkNo Gravatar says:

    tam,

    millions – totally !!!

    omg & do they or do they not get better with every single one ??? i feel like the quality of men goes up Up UP !

    & i do want all the men to just roll up on me, begging me for time & glances & words & a laugh……. & me just laugh & enjoy & bask &……. keep walking… : ) …. until someone stops me in my tracks & i’m enthralled & when they ask me Forever, I’m like wow that would feel Amazing & Love-ly : )

    & also, tam, you don’t have to drop the flag for anyone until you really dig their driving style : ) you are the ONLY judge of this race : ) amazing !

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:01pm

  267. 267: TamNo Gravatar says:

    lk – you rock!! :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:05pm

  268. 268: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i hope there are millions for me too.

    i’m one in a million and i only found one other 1 in a million like me.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:15pm

  269. 269: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Well, Starla, according to what I just learnt thanks to the lovely people here, he will either be back or he wasn’t your 1 in a million…and there is someone out there who will come running after you and you won’t be able to shake him off…
    I know it’s hard to believe now. Maybe your guy will come back?! And maybe you won’t want him anymore by then!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:31pm

  270. 270: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Tam! Btw i’m glad you’re posting here with us. You rock, too!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:32pm

  271. 271: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    175:

    Wow Calypso,

    I did Toxic man too. My man came out a “difficult” man too.
    That program did me a world of good.
    Difficult man is pretty easy now.
    He had been struggling to get through my wall and didn’t trust me bc he couldn’t see my heart through that wall.
    I never even dared show my enthousiasm about anything we would plan together.
    Now we’re planning a vacation trip together, and I’m not afraid to show him that I’m siked to go! and especially to go with him.
    His face and voice just ooze happiness.
    He is everything ‘but’ difficult now.
    He’s letting himself get close to me again.
    Our relationship feels so good now :)

    I can’t wait to hear about how your vacation went.

    I can’t wait to be on mine! :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:44pm

  272. 272: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee, you posted something to me the other night about how you feel when you see my name, and i was so wrapped up in my own processing, i don’t think i replied.

    but i felt so moved. and grateful to the universe that people can feel that way about me. i feel seen and understood. love to you!!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 3:52pm

  273. 273: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    189:

    Starla,

    I had a whole month of no contact w D.

    I had moved on to where I was fine without him, I was even great.

    You know the whole story.

    I saw other men, he saw another woman.

    My point is…after the breakoff, it feels like the slate is clean. I would never have believed in a million years that it would feel that way after all that happened, but it really does feel like a clean slate.
    It feels all brand new, like I’m getting to know a brand new man.
    Everything is completely different: the man, Me, the relationship, the vibe…everything.

    I know very well how hard it can be, but that clean break is the best thing that can happen to start fresh into a brand new relationship, even with the same man.
    When it goes around in circles for too long, a real break is the best thing to startover fresh.

    He needs to know what it’s like to not have you for real.

    What boosted my confidence to be able to be happy with him, or without him…was making myself happy…and that’s where you said you were going.
    So I’m not worried about you, you will be great for yourself!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:01pm

  274. 274: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lilibee, really, a whole month? wow. like no contact at alllll?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:08pm

  275. 275: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    272:

    (((Starla))),

    Through my work here, with Rori, Abraham Hicks, Margaret Lynch…so many more….I’ve been able to thaw out my feelings and express them like I did with you on that post.

    I’ve struggled so long to get ‘real’ and knock down that wall.

    Thank you for your feedback Starla. It’s really validating to me. It feels good to know I can connect to people through connecting to myself.

    What I’ve learned most of all, is that I help people most just by sharing my authentic feelings.
    That feels so good :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:09pm

  276. 276: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    274:

    At all! no text, no email, no nothing…But that was easy in my situation after ‘you know what happened’.

    Mel repeated to me several time to stop all contact, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it…until he did something I would never ever forgive a man for.
    Him cheating on me made it easy for me to stop all contact for a whole month.
    I wish I would have done the no contact before it got to that.
    When I did try to break up with him before, I even urged him to see other women so he can shop around and see what he really wants.
    But he was too scared to end up alone.
    He did end up alone when me and the other woman both left him.

    So that’s the lesson for me: When things keep going round and round in circles and go nowhere, it’s best to just cutoff completely and take care of ourselves to get ourselves back on track.
    Just let him be and lean back bc he’ll just be worse with you if you resist what is.

    If you do talk to each other again, you could be totally different and so could he…which is my case: My man, my relationship and myself are on a totally different planet today.
    It’s crazy how everything shifted around completely!

    I think it’s in Reconnect where Rori says everything has to just STOP.

    That wheel was getting you dizzy and now it stopped turning. That is great!
    You get to reconnect to yourself even stronger before you get back with him or get with another man.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:26pm

  277. 277: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i like the idea of no contact. i’m sure, though, that when i get really good with the idea, he’ll pop right back up, because the universe does that, hehe.

    i’m going to get my beautiful hair trimmed. love you mucho!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:28pm

  278. 278: LoveeNo Gravatar says:

    @RoriRaye I guess…I know your right and I have started to look into everything you have suggested, but here’s an update of something recent between us. I have been trying to focus on me and it’s been going okay and the moment I began to focus on me, we get back in touch and he invites me out. I went and everything went great. I ended up finding alot about his past from him and its really sad and unbelievable. He also told me the email I sent expressing my feeling just gave him alot to think about, which I could tell because he brought it up alot. I’m confused, but anywho thanks. I shall look into your programs and ebooks and figure out my next step. I want to be happy! I do and will take my first step to ending this pain today! Thanks Rori!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:31pm

  279. 279: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    After letting him go completely, he came back and I ‘feel’ that he is really ‘with’ me now as much emotionally as physically.
    I hadn’t felt that in 2 years with him.

    So embrace this no contact cutoff time and use it to focus on YOU completely. It may be the best thing that ever happens to you to shift your love life!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 4:58pm

  280. 280: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    277:

    I’ve been in sooo many failed relationships…and they ALL came back once I had completely let go and moved on.
    D is the only one I felt like seeing again after I had moved on.
    He’s the only one in who I see what I want in a man.
    I just didn’t know how to inspire him.
    Now I know how…I just needed to focus on ME, connect to ME, and let down that stubborn thick cold wall.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 5:07pm

  281. 281: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    D just called while on his way to play hockey.

    I can’t describe how I feel. I just know I feel so good and smiley :)

    I told him I wasn’t going to see him play coz my whole body feels like a train ran over it.
    My period was super duper rough these last 3 days.
    He was so curious about it and wanted to know what it was like.
    My exes were all turned off and stayed away from me at that time of the month.
    But D is all into me and wants to know all about it.
    Last night he rubbed my lower back when I complained about it hurting.

    I feel so cared for and loved.

    I told him how I felt so warm and cozy in his arms last night that I felt like I melted onto him falling asleep.
    It felt like pulling velcro apart to get up to go to work this morning.

    He sounded all happy to say that we get to do that again tomorrow night.

    I look forward to it, but I don’t feel all needy and clingy about it.
    I feel content to have this time for myself and I am enjoying it.
    I feel so calm and peaceful.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 5:28pm

  282. 282: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Someone posted a while ago about how our body absorbs calcium much better by drinking kefir and eating probiotic yogourt.

    I’ve switched to kefir and greek probiotic yogourt over a month ago.
    My hair and nails have been growing at a crazy rate!
    My nails used to break as soon as they would grow just slightly.
    Now they grow faster and don’t break!

    I can finally enjoy putting on pretty colours of nail polish.
    I feel so feminine with pretty coloured nails.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 5:36pm

  283. 283: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Where is everybody?

    I finally get to spend some quality time with my sister sirens and they all poofed :(

    I feel lonely, like I missed the party.

    Oh well, I’ll just backtrack and catch up on the reading.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 5:39pm

  284. 284: lkNo Gravatar says:

    hi, Lilibee : )))

    thanks : ) i liked reading what you wrote & i feel it is very helpful : )

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 5:46pm

  285. 285: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Hi Lilibee!
    im reading u….and i like ur vibe….i was listening when you said I had so many failed relationships and i thought….i might say to you
    there is no failure if you tried to share time with SOMEONE….whether our situations last a month, a week, a year, its all about passing time and not the forever and ever and ever….

    i know someone who got married and then immediately broke up with her…bad situation …mother in law and didnt date once for 3 and half years….omg talk about a raw wound

    anyway, i think its not about the length because each person walks by us at different stages of our lives…
    some guys teach us things.
    some guys just share our bed
    some guys give us pleasure
    some guys keep the ghosts away
    some guys pay the bills
    some guys disappear into thin air
    some guys love us more than life itself
    some guys treat us bad because they dont know how to love

    but each person is special in their own way
    and each person can come and go in our lives
    but at least you had the guts to answer the door when they knocked

    I think a failure is when we stop reaching out to other humans

    I think a failure is when we hide away and refuse to let anyone love us …sometimes with all their faults too

    I think a failure is when the love of money becomes more important than the love of our fellow humans who are all grasping and dealing and sometimes even seizing up inside with loneliness

    I think a failure is when we block out hope

    I think hope is a life force that keeps people alive and gives meaning to life

    I think rori gives people hope….
    her ideas are unique and her messages are loving and so centered on dwelling on the goodness of both men and women

    I think to the various degrees that people are able to connect and use these tools is the starting of new steps on breaking free from cycles and sharing hope with other sirens on this blog

    I think spirituality is the mysterious presences that show up in our lives to give hope where hope was starting to wane

    and i think that hope is what keeps people living

    so lilibee, remember to fail is only to stop trying and i think you have a huge heart and lots of love and you are going to have a great life once you get out there and listen to the knocks on ur doors

    and

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:15pm

  286. 286: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    152:

    I agree with you Tiffany.

    I felt good about leaning 100% back for a while when we started seeing each other after a month’s break.
    But once the relationship got under way and I felt safe, I began to feel more comfortable at 80/20.

    The other night, I turned down my man asking me to go see him play hockey at his end of season tournament.
    I turned him down bc I saw it as overfunctioning for me to drive almost an hour away to go watch him play.
    Then I started feeling icky and off at seeing his sad droopy face.
    I do enjoy watching him play after all, and he gave me attention and made me laugh when the game would stop for a short break.
    I felt so special when he would do a good move and look up at me to see if I saw it.

    I leaned forward this afternoon by calling him to tell him I would go tomorrow.
    I won’t go tonight coz I feel too tired and achy.
    I told him how I enjoyed the last time I went.
    He sounded happy and excited.
    He called me tonight to tell me where and when for tomorrow. He sounded really enthousiastic at having me there.
    I felt so good to feel my presence desired like that :)

    So I do believe, that once in a while, there is a good time and space for leaning forward.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:18pm

  287. 287: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Gearing up for my dates tomorrow… I’m looking forward to them, but feel relaxed… not worried. Chemist is coming all the way to me.. I’m meeting him at a diner about a mile from my house, so that feels good. We moved lunch to breakfast so wouldn’t be rushed. I have a birthday party to go to during the day, then have my dinner/adventure with the pilot. The 31 year old carpenter wants to meet for dinner and drinks, but I don’t know when I’ll have time. Ohio hasn’t contacted me today, but he wants to get together too. I’m keeping them all at bay, with need to find a babysitter, will let you know… while staying warm and open and friendly.

    C just called, I missed it, but called back a few minutes later. He asked if he could call back, said he was at dinner and that he’d called from the car. My NV’s are saying he’s on a date. Which makes me feel sad.

    Which is making me want to lean forward and text some of my guys. But bah humbug… I don’t have anything to say to them. Think I’ll check my email on the dating site, see if I’ve heard from anyone new.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:22pm

  288. 288: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    3 new emails, nothng I feel inspired to respond to.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:26pm

  289. 289: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Yesterday I had another meeting with another guy; burgers and fries with drinks! nice conversation, this is all about meeting someone new, and I am discovering that I can be quite entertaining :)

    If he calls again and ask for another meeting I will go again. I am realizing that I am seeing men as humans now. I used to idealized some of these men, and make things on my head and fantasize. If the ask to see me again I will say yes, if not I will meet other men.
    I am feeling close to balanced, It is ok if I don’t have an official man to date, I miss the sex though, but I tend to stop meeting men once I start having sex with someone, so I am treating every one the same until I feel I can sleep with a man without getting attached…

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:28pm

  290. 290: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    285:

    Jessie,

    What you wrote is beautiful! It makes me ‘feel’ beautiful!
    I do know that all of these relationships have been all learning experiences and they have helped me evolve so much once I looked at them that way.
    They failed coz they had to end, but they didn’t fail in teaching me the lessons I needed to learn to evolve.

    It certainly feels a whole lot more liberating and beautiful to not call them failures.

    Thanks Jessie!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:28pm

  291. 291: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Thank You lk!

    I’ve been reading you too, you adorable you!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:29pm

  292. 292: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lillebee…. I know C liked it when I went to his softball games. Some men really like having a cheerleader. :) You sound really wonderful, happy and grounded…. I’m very happy for you!!!!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:30pm

  293. 293: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    287:

    Turq,

    Your vibe feels so good.

    You don’t need to lean forward, they’re all leaning in to ask you out.
    I can’t believe how many men have asked you out!
    Wow, you’re doing so well.
    What if C is on a dinner date? You’re more on a roll than he is anyway.
    I’m so impressed.
    I feel so proud of you siren! :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:35pm

  294. 294: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    292:

    Yeah, D does really well at his sport.

    He feels so proud to show his woman what he can do.
    I feel important when he looks for me in the stands. After he’s done a good shot, he skates by looking up at me smiling, winks and puffs up his chest.
    I feel so honoured when he does that.

    Reminds me of a caveman bringing home the kill to his woman. lol :)

    I clap and cheer all smiley :D

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:43pm

  295. 295: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    289:

    Luzydel,

    I feel impressed at how many new men you constantly attract.
    Some women wait forever for a man to ask them out, you have them coming constantly.
    What a siren!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:47pm

  296. 296: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    OMG I am still feeling so NUMB. It’s really weird and kind of freaking me out.

    I had a dream about my toxic ex last night, where we were hugging and then kissing and I was so happy to see him and all the bad stuff that happened seemed so distant and not real. I felt soo sad when I woke up.

    It’s kinda hung around me all day. I still feel weird.

    In other news, I haven’t heard from Recycled since I saw him the other day. He said we’d be in touch so WHATEVER. I’m so going to keep CDing and not get all excited about him but however my CDs have sure been quiet!!!!

    NewCD = MIA
    CityCD = MIA
    EmailCD = MIA
    BrainyCD = MIA

    I am annoyed wiht BrainyCD in general. He wants me to lean forward I KNOW he does.

    All the rest I feel pretty much numb all the way around, even about Recycled.

    Me no like.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:47pm

  297. 297: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i went for a haircut and for a short visit with my girl friend who ended up at my neighborhood bar (i drank water and left) and just promised myself to keep a beautiful smile on face and it worked great. i feel fabulous.

    seriously, getting a shampoo and cut did wonders for my sense of optimism.

    i hope CF is doing okay.

    I feel really excited about my weekend, because I have all these fun options for things to do with friends or alone, but i don’t HAVE to do anything except go to class, so it’s all up to me and how i feel:).

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 6:58pm

  298. 298: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @240 lamabutterfly

    I wanted to respond more to this cause I can relate and I didn’t have time earlier.

    “Losing this guy (my choice, again, though I didn’t consciously know it) was the hardest. Probably because I was so wrapped up in HIS life, that I didn’t care for my own?”

    I tend to do the same thing and push my life to the side. I’m getting better at it though. Baby steps.

    “I feel like when I commit, I let people see me. and I feel like what they see is ugly. What they see is spoiled and lazy and scatter-brained and too sad and too happy and just too much altogether.”

    Do you really let people see you? I ask this because of the comment above about being wrapped up in his life and not caring about your own. Do you really let people see the real you, if you aren’t being the real you? If you are not acting how you would normally act when you are single? Do you know what I mean?

    I feel like I’m an open book. If someone were to ask me any question, I would answer it honestly. At the same time, I don’t feel like I let people completely see the real me. Some people definitely not, other people mostly, but there is always a part of me I hold back.

    “I feel like when (certain) people get close to me (males and females included) all my bad stuff disgusts them. I feel like they get frustrated and tired of me.

    am I frustrated and tired of myself?”

    I feel like this as well. I often feel like I annoy, irritate or frustrate people. I feel like people can only handle so much of me and then they want to get away. I guess it’s my scars of not feeling accepted in my childhood that carried its way to adulthood.

    Do you feel you were so scared of that guy because he really liked you and that made you nervous? Or was it being in the spotlight and he might actually see who you really are and you were scared he wouldn’t like what he saw?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:09pm

  299. 299: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @244 lamabutterfly

    “@242 Giving Girl – you say you feel “bothered.” I don’t understand what that means. Do you feel scared? Do you feel insecure? Do you feel angry? Do you feel sad? “Bothered” isn’t really an emotion, that I’m aware of. I feel like you’re feeling uncomfortable. What emotion is attached to that uncomfortableness? See if you can feel it out…”

    I feel afraid, sad, insecure, nervous, forgotten, disconnected, worried, uneasy, tense, disappointed, tearful and powerless. I feel like I don’t mean anything, unimportant. I feel concerned that I screwed up and he’s already gone.

    My brain doesn’t think he is, but this is how I’m feeling.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:23pm

  300. 300: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @246 lamabutterfly

    “@242 Giving Girl – I’m sensing that you might feel afraid of your feelings. How do they feel? Intense? Mixed all together? If you can let go of the fear of feeling them, it might help you identify them more easily…”

    Yes, intense and mixed all together. I feel consumed by them and can’t shake them. I’m not good at feeling my feelings. I’m used to just stuffing them down and ignoring them. That’s what I’ve always done. I would never talk about my feelings, I would just keep everything inside and hold it in along with my tears and my hurt. I’ve been trying to get more in tune with them and it’s hard for me.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:28pm

  301. 301: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @249 lamabutterfly

    I’ve had a headache most of the week. My chest feels tight and I feel like I’m holding my breath a lot. I’ve had a kink in my neck all week as well. Maybe my purse is too heavy, I don’t know. My eyes are very tired and irritated. I’m tired all over. My stomach feels hollow and bloated. My legs feel tight. I’m tense.

    Thank you for helping to talk me through my feelings. It helps.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:33pm

  302. 302: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @271 Lilibee

    What changed? How did he go from difficult to not difficult? Or was it because you changed? I’m curious. It sounds like you would recommend the Toxic Man program?

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:40pm

  303. 303: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens! I´m just briefly popping in..

    hugs to (((FEMININEWOMAN))) as I understand there’s been an injury. Hope you get better quickly!! Love & Healing to you!!

    @Starla @LK
    please, if you wish, I’d feel glad to help with Spanish translation too, I studied Spanish philology & lived in Spain for 6 years & now I´m translating from Spanish to my language and vice versa (using a lot of English in between, as there’s not many good special terminology dictionaries between Estonian/Spanish; still I think that my English needs a lot of improving)

    @LK I really enjoy to read about you getting closer to your dream job. All the funny dreams about clothes & having trips to Italy drinking wine. :)

    @Starla – great to hear you are doing well & have found some anger too; for me it has been really helpful sometimes, to really push me into moving on when I felt stuck and in a bad place after a break-up.

    @Lizka – I´m glad your new job is starting nicely.

    @Daria – I´d really like to agree to this 100% leaning back approach. I do feel bad and a bit disappointed if I read about Sirens leaning forward. But then it seems to work for them. Or is it only when they are feeling like a Rock-star?
    And I do feel really compassionate sometimes for the feminine energy men in my life, like they are completely lost if I start to lean back 100%. I thought I don’t want them anymore. My ex M was like that and it didn’t work out. I thought I need a completely masculine man now. But the truth is, that I´m afraid of them, and the fear kind of stops the attraction. I still feel more attracted to the guys who have some sensitivity & feminine energy qualities to them. But it’s so hard to communicate with them when they start hinting I could initiate too, or even half demanding it. It’s so hard not to do that, as I have been doing it so far in my life.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 7:58pm

  304. 304: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Also hugs to all the other Sirens & blog, as I don’t have more time now to catch up with all the posts..

    (((Sirens)))

    ((blog))

    And many thanks for the article, Rori! I really was that overanalyzing & long writing woman myself… in big part I still am. Thanks for the reminder to get out of my head and sink into the feelings.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:04pm

  305. 305: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm…. well, sirens, you know how when something seems too good to be true, it usually is? I did some online investigating, and looks like pilot is 51, not 41 like he said… and in addition to the 21 year old son he has, he didn’t bother to mention the 4 year old daughter. Now, maybe that isn’t a lie because he didn’t say he only had a son, that is just the one he spoke of, but omission…. to me, is pretty muchthe same as a lie. BUT, to lie about your age by 10 years???? That is a lot.

    So, not feeling like I want to meet him anymore, even though the airplane would be so fun. That part is true, I saw pictures on FB. Which is where I saw the little girl too.

    Anyways, not feeling like a siren right now. feeling mad and frustrated and irritable. And C didn’t call back like he said he would, which makes me even more mad. He’ll probably call while I’m on my date in the morning.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:06pm

  306. 306: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @296 Emerson

    A silly question:
    can I ask, what MIA stands for?
    I have noticed this combination of letters few times on the blog, but didn’t get the meaning yet.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:08pm

  307. 307: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am definitely a long writing woman in all areas. work, academics, personal.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:08pm

  308. 308: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi GivingGirl,

    I changed 1st.

    I didn’t force myself to change.
    I just let go of him completely, and got completely wrapped up in myself.
    I did everything just for ME.
    I went out with girlfriends dancing, to spas, for coffea, zumba class.
    I put my profile up on Match.com.
    I met men in nightclubs, on Match, through a friend.
    I met and cd’d with many different men everywhere.
    I joined a meetup group and went rollerblading.
    I listened to Rori’s audio CDs in my car for months and practiced on any man that showed up.
    I focused long and hard to connect to my feelings and practiced expressing them here and on everyone I spoke to at work, with family, guys, friends.

    We went about 5 weeks with absolutely no contact.
    When he called after all that time, he was surprised to hear about all that I was up to.
    He was seeing another woman at the time.
    Me and her found out about each other, got together and had a long talk.
    I told him about it.
    Both of us women stepped away from him totally, no contact from either of us.
    After 1 or 2 weeks, he came back to me ready to commit: He offered a new house, total devotion…and then some.

    It’s been a month and a half since we’ve started seeing each other again.
    I am totally different bc I now am able to connect to myself, get in touch with my feelings and express them to him.
    He has totally turned around. When he starts giving me that familiar look like he gets scared or worried and starts to pull away…I start feeling my feelings, sink into them and share them…he pulls in close every time.

    I feel that he trusts me now to stay close to me bc I have let down my walls.
    He loves to hear about my feelings. He always pays close attention when I share them.
    I hear myself get in my head sometimes, and I can see him leaning away when I do.
    I catch myself, and get back into my feelings, and he is magically drawn to lean in and listen closely.
    That’s when he’ll pull me towards him, hug me and cuddle me.
    I feel him ‘with’ me now.

    I used to block my feelings before by being controlling, businesslike and shutdown.
    He had this distant worried look on his face then.
    He always pulled away from me and treated me like I was unimportant.
    I felt like a nobody.

    Now I feel cherished, appreciated, wanted and loved.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:11pm

  309. 309: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Missing In Action = MIA. Military term we use here to describe a soldier who disappeared for one reason or another.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:11pm

  310. 310: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @305 Turquoise
    I feel for you! ..
    My first boyfriend lied his age by one year. It wouldn’t mean anything, if he’d been honest in the beginning, but when I found out that he wasn’t older than me, but younger… already few months into the relationship, it was a huge turn-off. I mean… it was so stupid to lie about your age only one year. But 10 years is already serious. It’s like hiding your real self completely, pretending you’re somebody you’re not.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:13pm

  311. 311: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    :) thanks for the answer Starla!!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:17pm

  312. 312: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh a happier note… One of my best friends and I had a huge falling out about 2 years ago, and I recently saw her and it still felt really tense. I’ve been thinking about healing all my relationships, so I’ve been doing the hippowhatever it’s called (no offense, I can’t think of it) meditationing and focusing on there being healing there. Just in the last two weeks. I saw her today at the store, and her youngest daughter was extremely excited to see me, make conversation and get her mom and I to talk. We did for about 15 min. and while it started slow… it warmed up, both of us saying to tell the other’s families we said hello. They are on their way to Disney, and I suggested a restaurant, but couldn’t think of the name of it… so told her I’d email it. In the email I also said I was sorry it had been so long, and that I think of her often, and am very happy for them about their new baby. I have no expectation of if we’ll be friends again, but I feel at peace with myself. I made the effort to forgive and share my happy/positive vibe. I don’t know if we should be friends again, but I know we need to get past what happened. So that feels good to me.

    I am really hopeful I’ll like my chemist tomorrow. I’ve wanted to meet him for a long time. I really liked his profile, but never wrote to him. I don’t even know what I’m wearing. Guess I should figure that out! Meeting him in 10 hours!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:19pm

  313. 313: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii…. I feel that way too. 10 years is a decade, that is a big difference. And, it makes him 13 years older than me…. I think I went out with him it would beause of what he could give me, (travel, said he was going to spoil me) more so than for him. It will be hard to respect him if he’s lied to me.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:22pm

  314. 314: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    308:

    One lesson that really stands out through my experience:

    I’ve learned that I can be happy without a man.
    I went out and got my own life.
    I am now confident that I can have a happy life even if the relationship ends.
    That alone releases alot of pressure off of him and the relationship, and leaves more space for fun.
    I don’t feel as needy to hang onto him for dear life.
    And now he knows it. He asked a bunch of questions about what I was up to while we weren’t in contact and I told him honestly.
    My vibe was totally different.
    When he wanted to see me again, I kept him waiting by having other plans for my time, I was not in a hurry.
    I kept going out with my girlfriends and cd’ing.
    He has had to book my time in advance to see me.

    Now he’s got me booked plenty until August.
    He never planned anything ahead during our ‘old’ relationship.
    I’m still planning girly stuff with my girlfriends, and cd’ing myself and men I run into.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:24pm

  315. 315: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am feeling really fulfilled and happy doing all those things i listed out for myself yesterday!! Right now I am cleaning up my house from the week. it feels nice to slow down and take time to take care of my temple.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:40pm

  316. 316: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    315:

    That’s why I don’t worry about you Starla.
    You always come through for yourself.

    I feel so good seeing a siren love herself :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:44pm

  317. 317: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    You inspire me to make my own list:

    Shower
    Clean bathroom
    Dust
    Vacuum
    Do my hair
    Self manicure
    Self pedicure
    Makeup

    I oughta feel all girly and pretty :)

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:49pm

  318. 318: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    316 Lilibee, that really seems to be the case during this time. What a change in me compared to other romantic loss times!

    And I’ve been blessed with help whenever I needed it. I haven’t been left alone once when I was slipping. That feels incredible.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:50pm

  319. 319: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee, that list seems like you’re feeling compelled to tend to your home and self care… springtime is such a great time for this! I have been feeling very inspired myself.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 8:54pm

  320. 320: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i often felt nervous and afraid of f*cking up or saying something stupid when I was talking to CF. I felt like I was on eggshells (not his fault) or i was surrounded by them all the time. Now I look back at that and feel detached from that frame of mind, and like I won’t be keeping it around anymore.

    Like if I’m extremely hungry, I can’t keep my emotions straight in a fearful situation with my man. Why? It contributes, but it should never lead to breakdowns, because it doesn’t with friends or coworkers. The fear is the problem. I can eat regularly to be sure to minimize the possibility, but being hungry should never throw me over the edge.

    I believe that I can be starving hungry/overworked/sleep deprived and not feel afraid of someone close to me.

    Sending myself deliberate love over the last couple of weeks has healed me so much!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 9:20pm

  321. 321: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone!

    Whew, have I been busy! LOL, I stumbled on a really effective Craigslist ad!!! I was just cruising thru the “Strictly Platonic” section and I found one sex ad after another!

    So I posted this:

    WHAT ABOUT “STRICTLY PLATONIC” DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????? – w4m – 47 (SLIMEVILLE)

    Date: 2012-04-18, 3:15PM EDT
    Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here

    I am so sick of going in the STRICTLY PLATONIC section and finding appeals for sex.

    There is a whole section for per(verts! It’s called “Casual Encounters”! Use it, so people like me can search the ads without feeling slimed.

    I also posted a photo of Siren Island, something I got off the internet. Next thing I knew, I had one response after another of men who wanted to be just friends and not grope me! So I have a pool of about 15 men right now, who I’ve been avidly emailing and texting! Amazing.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:52pm

  322. 322: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,

    Sorry, I wonder why this keeps landing in moderation.

    Hi everyone!

    Whew, have I been busy! LOL, I stumbled on a really effective Craigslist ad!!! I was just cruising thru the “Strictly Platonic” section and I found one sex ad after another!

    So I posted this:

    WHAT ABOUT “STRICTLY PLATONIC” DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????? – w4m – 47 (SLIMEVILLE)

    Date: 2012-04-18, 3:15PM EDT
    Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here

    I am so sick of going in the STRICTLY PLATONIC section and finding appeals for sex.

    There is a whole section for perverts! It’s called “Casual Encounters”! Use it, so people like me can search the ads without feeling slimed.

    I also posted a photo of Siren Island, something I got off the internet. Next thing I knew, I had one response after another of men who wanted to be just friends and not grope me! So I have a pool of about 15 men right now, who I’ve been avidly emailing and texting! Amazing.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:53pm

  323. 323: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Hi,

    I had another fun day helping my friend move! We worked really hard for 7 hours, and then we went out and celebrated her new life!

    We went to Chipotles…are you familiar with it? It is my new favorite restaurant! I had my ideal meal! I got a rice bowl with steak, sour cream, guacamole, beans, pico de gallo, salsa, sauteed green peppers and onions, corn, and it was absolutely delicious!

    Then we talked. She is newly engaged, and I gave her a free class in sex education, LOL! It was fun to see her reactions, because it is new to her. LOL. I told her it is ok to talk about like mashed potatoes and gravy with the right person.

    And, best of all, it feels good to know our friendship has gelled. She is the same one with whom i went to the conference a couple weeks ago. We have so much in common!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 10:59pm

  324. 324: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling queezy healing from out and around my head… top of third chakra to beg of forehead

    (((Daria))))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:15pm

  325. 325: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria i know youre feeling terribly panicke and scared and sad and I LOVE YOU

    and you will be ok

    omg you are so amazing

    and amazing does NOT repell men

    (((Daria)))

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:17pm

  326. 326: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for vacuuming my room Daria

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:33pm

  327. 327: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wwwoh

    i took a lil teaspoon of evening primrose oil and i can feel mysefl soothing

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:49pm

  328. 328: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay Radlove – Chipotle has as far as i know all natural meat too which feels really good to me

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:51pm

  329. 329: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay my boyfriend (one of them :) ) NeighborCD is on his way to celebrate 420 w me

    there were so many ppl out in the city too! that felt exciting

    i get the feeling as i heal more and more I will be attracting great friends

    some of my brothers have been hittin me up too

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:52pm

  330. 330: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and women !

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:53pm

  331. 331: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ey yo imn wondering if wearing heels for thei first time in awhile mafe me feel nauseaus?

    i felt like that last time too i remember…

    hmmm

    i dont wanna feel that way…

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:54pm

  332. 332: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    somehow my house effortlessly became clean and my homework was done and i brushed my teeth and made myself something to eat and i had visited with a friend and gotten a hair cut and exercised, too. gosh, everything happens so effortlessly!

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:55pm

  333. 333: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, happy day to you. I received many 420 blessings. When I was walking along the river to my appointment, nice men stopped me to offer me some 420 blessings.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 11:58pm

  334. 334: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like when i hug myself (energetically), i am hugging the whole universe. :)
    (((((starla))))))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:00am

  335. 335: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just ate some fish and took some herbs to balance out marijuana

    happy birthday maria oana yemaya oshun

    my wonderful green friend i love you

    thank you for being htere for me and giving me space when i need it and comfort and company and sharing fun with me when i wanted

    thank you for supporting me in healing and knowing myself!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:09am

  336. 336: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    thank you ! It feels fun to celebrate our green frien’ds birthday with you!

    i met her everywhere in the city and talked to my parents about her day :)

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:11am

  337. 337: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    There is something big and wonderful coming my way:)

    goodnight ((((((((blog)))))))))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:11am

  338. 338: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i feel impressed, daria, that you talked to your parents about her!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:12am

  339. 339: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hi-5 Starla!

    i stood up for myself to myself and others and DID NOT do chores i didn’t want to do

    and now my room has become a glossy temple!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:13am

  340. 340: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and my mom turns to me for herbs and healing !

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:14am

  341. 341: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – yeah i told them today is world maria oana day :) and thats why everyone aroudn is smoking@!

    and ew kept talking about it… i even joked and todl my mom my dad should take us to a pot club now :) hehe

    my mom seems all open to it… the toher day she talked about how she was thinking of getitng a club card!

    whoa!
    hhee

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:15am

  342. 342: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my dad was like no.

    also my dad said something that felt bad in the car and i felt awful and just awful and then healed a trauma of when he hit me in the head when i was lil (didn’t happen often, just remember this once)

    no wonder i felt all dizzhy and blank brained

    and i feel that way when im triggered that way

    and now it processed out! just healed!

    woooh

    it felt awful tho

    im healing in this amazing way

    like those kundalinin awakenings

    healing channel goes up

    manifesting channel down

    yay!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:17am

  343. 343: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my room has become a glossy temple cuz now i spontaneously do chores for fun!

    effortlessly!

    yay

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:19am

  344. 344: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    @2 brandylion

    I wish I’d paid more attention to that and taken his lack of planning throughout the winter as a yellow flag that he was not as invested as I was.

    Exactly , you said it very well..its about INVESTMENT.
    We feel bad when they arent stepping up but instead of getting busy and filling the space we just have to wait and ..we will soon have all the information we need to look after ourselves.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:45am

  345. 345: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I love the glossy temple Daria ..I just cleaned my house and its so non glossy :) It is however warm and charming and Big Dog is sleeping by my feet.

    Met a nice CD yesterday ..hes so SHORT !!!
    I am just imagining not havi9ng a males physical protection and whether I can deal with that if hes smart and creative and has a cute smile ..I towered over him in 2″ heels!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:49am

  346. 346: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie, I really like what you wrote @ 285.

    Thank you.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:18am

  347. 347: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    305@turquoise

    A little tale to share ..years ago when i was separated and awaiting divorce i met a guy who subtracted 8 years from his age . He didnt look 53 (to my 43) and I didnt find out till AFTER we had dated a bit and gone to bed . I still remember the total shock I felt when he apolgized and showed me his ID. I felt violated and cheated at some deep level.

    Things progressed over the next year and he asked me to consider marriage . The very next day he left my city, he didnt answer my desperate emails and calls and long story..he went back to his ex and children way across the country.

    I learned then that when honesty is expendable up front on a profile , then buyer beware !

    Also I recently was dated by a pilot , who claimed to be 54 . On meeting I knew he was lying , he was so wrinkly . He took me out to a fabulous lunch but couldnt keep up when we were walking up to a light house afterwards. He would not answer my direct question re his age, and not until later did he email that he was 64. Needless to say he was deleted immediately.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:31am

  348. 348: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I have found on the dating sites, that the men who lie about their age (not talking a few years) also lie about their height and weight too.

    My friend and I laugh (now) at some of the calamities we have met, one guy was soooo old she christened him Moses. :D

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 4:06am

  349. 349: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee you are my inspiration

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 4:43am

  350. 350: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @308 Lilibee your story feels so inspiring & lovely to me. Thanks for sharing.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:07am

  351. 351: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    FW~

    How are you healing up?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:10am

  352. 352: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @314 Lilibee

    I seem to be in a happier place when I’m not with a man. I don’t feel all the stress & worry. I guess that’s on me, I do it to myself. Boat Guy doesn’t plan in advance either & I wish he would. Which of Rori’s programs did you like the best?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:13am

  353. 353: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Turq~

    Thinking about you this morning with your breakfast date and hoping that you totally just relax and enjoy it.

    As far as Pilot not being honest about his age? Sounds like a great opportunity to state wants and don’t wants and boundaries with someone. But, I would make absolutely sure that he is telling a untruth (I don’t like the word lie for some reason..it feels icky to me) and I would ask him straight out. “I feel curious, Pilot…” He will know you did some research on him and if he says anything about that you can always say…”I owe it to myself and my girls to be sure that whoever I spend time with is golden.” Or something like that.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:20am

  354. 354: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lol… Sirenity and Moonbeam, wrinkly… Oh the vision! I really wonder in this day and age, how they think they can get away with it!

    Anyways, I am getting ready for my breakfast with the chemist, and he just called… Is excited, and is coming the whole way to meet me so we will have more time. It was the first time we talked. I like his voice and sense of humor. He was teasing me about not being a morning person and that I would have to get used to it… Because he is. I like it when they have an expectation it’s going to go well. Feels good to me.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:23am

  355. 355: TamNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla..thank you!
    And by the way, the ‘no contact’ has always worked for me too. For some reason various ex-boyfriends or dates come back when they started missing me. I also find it makes me feel better when they initiate contact. I expect nothing and when it happens am pleasantly surprised.
    Even the guy I was involved with, who seems like he is pretty much ‘unavailable’, stepped up when I stepped back, which completely astonished me. Before, when I tried to contact and ‘make it work’, he ran away and it never worked out. So I gave up basically and everything started to change, I met other ‘better’ men and he started behaving like them too!! So this leaning back definitely works, and the no contact when there has been a ‘situation’ also does help to wipe the slate clean.
    One time I had no contact with a guy for 3 months (I had pretty much thought I’d never hear/see him again) and he re-appeared and like was said above: the slate was clean and he had changed, I had changed and the whole thing was MUCH better. This could happen to you too, but in the meantime look after yourself :)
    xxx

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:29am

  356. 356: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I have a surprise bday party tonight for my girlfriend. Crazy, procrastinating me, thinks I’m going to be able to draw a portrait of her baby, clean house, shower, go buy a card and do this all by 7pm when I need to be there. Wish me luck!!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:42am

  357. 357: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    So in looove w myself !

    My cd was giving me a massage for hours and he’s like I dono who’s doing who the favor cuz he said he liked mu thighs and tummy that I had one

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:04am

  358. 358: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    350:

    Giving Girl,

    I loved both Toxic Men and Reconnect your Relationship.
    I listened to both of them in my car in traffic every day on my way to and from work, over and over and over again…I think maybe 4 or 5 times each.
    Every single time I listened to them, I got something new from them.

    I also did some tapping with Margaret Lynch on Youtube on ‘resistance’.
    I seemed to absorb the lessons alot more after the tapping.

    I told my man last night that I would go see his afternoon game at his tournament today.
    He used to go off on his tournaments and I wouldn’t hear from him until it was over.
    He just called me this morning and said “be ready in an hour” in a happy enthousiastic voice.
    I said “I just woke up 5 minutes ago, I feel groggy and congested. I feel like I’m coming down with a cold. I’ll be resting to feel in shape for your afternoon game.”
    He said “Aw :( OK, I’ll call you later to tell you what time depending on if we win the morning game or not.”

    TOTAL TURNAROUND IN ATTITUDE!!! I LOOOVE IT! :)
    My whole body is tingling with happiness vibes :)

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:06am

  359. 359: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I like short guys too … I find them very protective and great fighters and taker caters in the physical dept . Mentally even.

    My short friend is the first guy ever who jumped in a fight for me and it was against a guy my ex his friend and he was whoopin him for hitting me cuz I was a girl.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:09am

  360. 360: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    355:

    Daria,

    “So in looove w myself !”
    – I feel instant joy when I read that from a siren.
    It makes me smile :)
    Feels so awesome to feel in love with ourselves.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:11am

  361. 361: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Lilibee man fun

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:11am

  362. 362: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    357:

    Short men are feisty! I love that!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:12am

  363. 363: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    347:

    Awww FW,

    I feel moved.
    I felt your hand holding mine the whole way since last June.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:16am

  364. 364: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay luzydel!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:17am

  365. 365: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yesterday was so much fun! It was my 7 year divorce anniversary. I saw (and kissed) two of my CDs (music man and ANcd) and LP was texting asking me what I was up to. Im not even thinking about LP unless he contacts me anymore. I still haven’t said anything to him about my CDing mainly because I haven’t seen him and I think it needs to be said in person.

    I also talked to a guy I went to high school with and he told me that he regretted not spending more time with me a couple of years ago before he got married. Hmmm…I’m so enjoying being single!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:21am

  366. 366: silver moonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sitting on the top deck of a red London bus weeeee

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:31am

  367. 367: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    363:

    Wow SG!
    I’m lovin’ your vibe! :)
    Single?
    Feels like I missed out on a part of your story.
    I did miss a couple of threads from a week ago.
    Care to point me to yours?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:43am

  368. 368: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    364:

    Oh, oh, SM!

    I’ve seen those on tv in your country.
    It looks like so much fun to be sightseeing in those.
    Weeeee!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:44am

  369. 369: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee,

    LP hasn’t been giving me what I need. This week alone, in total, I talked with him for a total of two minutes (three different phone conversation over several days) on the phone and only received a few texts from him. He is fine with things like that, but I’m not. I still need to Give him the no girlfriend speech but I think i need to do it in person and He isn’t making plans to see me, so I’m waiting.

    I had three dates with ANcd this week. And, I had a fun night with my dj CD, Music Man. He even asked me to take Monday off so we could do something during the day. These guys are stepping up and it feels really good. :)

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:53am

  370. 370: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    321:

    What is ‘pico de gallo’ ?

    The only US restaurants I’ve been to recently was Applebee’s only once.

    I spent my childhood crossing over to the US to go to McDonald’s and chinese buffets.

    I’ve been looking at the restaurant menus in Vegas for my upcoming trip. The portions look huge and the food looks like it’s mostly drenched in sauce and cheese.

    Do I have any hope of finding long grain wild rice instead of mashed potatoes and fries?
    I’ll be looking for fish and salads…ordering the dressing on the side.
    I’ve seen many sandwiches with rye bread. Yum and healthy!

    Fatty carby foods, even in small portions, make my body feel weighed down, sluggish and sleepy.

    I want to feel energized and perky in Vegas.

    I have gotten used to having fries and fast food only once every 2 or 3 months.
    Even pasta, I have it organic whole wheat only.
    I make my pasta sauce with ground horsemeat (less fat than ground beef with no growth hormones), nothing but organic tomatoes, veggies and spices.
    I eat 7% fat only cheese.

    How will I survive a whole week in Vegas without feeling heavy and sluggish?

    Any tips anyone?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:05am

  371. 371: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    367:

    It feels good to see you taking care of your girly you SG!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:07am

  372. 372: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    There is some serious Rockstar, Siren vibes on the blog this morning!! I can feel it right through the words that are written1

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:15am

  373. 373: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee – Not to worry, there is healthy food to be found wherever you go. I had no problems finding food I want to eat in Vegas.

    BTW too low fat diet is not so good for you. Your body needs and does better with healthy fats included for better digestion, healthier hair, skin, and nails, joint lubrication, and it will stays lean and slim more easily, fats such as organic, virgin coconut oil, good quality olive oil, avocado, hemp oil.

    Avoiding fats will age you as fast as over sunning.

    xxoo

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:19am

  374. 374: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    370:

    Hi Lovely Lilybelly!

    Those vibes are contagious too!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:20am

  375. 375: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks LiliBee.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:21am

  376. 376: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    371:

    Thank you Dominique.

    I love avocados and Omega fatty fish. Many of the restaurants have olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette on their salad menu.

    I found a ‘whole organic foods’ market on the google map of Vegas.
    I’ll be looking for coconut water there.
    I’ll bring my lightweight metal travel thermos to pour it in and bring on sightseeing.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:28am

  377. 377: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    372:

    Oh yes, it is contagious. I feel joy when I read all this good stuff…and it boosts my vibe even higher.

    These days, I think I may be walking on air….

    (ps. I like that you call me lovely lilybelly. It causes me to feel smile-y.)

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:29am

  378. 378: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    375:

    Then your new name is Lovely Lilybelly to me :)

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:49am

  379. 379: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelly!!! – :)

    xxoo

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:51am

  380. 380: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lilibee, it’s not going to be the easiest to find healthy, good food in vegas, although i feel really weird saying that, because why can’t it be effortless, right?:)

    the sushi restaurants are a good source of healthier menu items. the little cafes in the casinos (not the main restaurant) also usually serve lighter, healthier things.

    Many of these restaurants just aren’t that good, regardless of what they’re offering.

    I feel bad saying that=/

    yelp.com is a great site to find decent food. Type in the zipcode and browse.

    When I was in Vegas, I also used to get friendly with locals/workers and ask them what their favorite restaurants are. That always worked!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:51am

  381. 381: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    haha gosh, i took too long to post my reply, and i was beat to it, big time!

    i feel happy seeing dominique saying she had an easy time in vegas. i think my attitude was making it even harder to attract good food to eat, and i don’t know why it can’t just be effortless.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:56am

  382. 382: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    How are you feeling Starla? Belly better? You seem lighter in spirit the last two days.

    xxoo

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:59am

  383. 383: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies, I have amazing news to share! Well, amazing to me, at least!

    While I was sleeping, an old friend of mine messaged me on facebook. This friend turned condescending towards me a few years ago, and started talking to me like I wasn’t anything smart or special. He got all uppity about intellectualism, if you know the type. But we remained facebook friends, and I tried never to take his attitude personally.

    So anyway, his message basically said that I seem to be doing really well for myself, and he’s not doing so hot, so could I please talk to him ASAP cuz he’d appreciate my input about that.

    It felt like such a great affirmation. I felt scared last night that brainiac-type people would find me and my projects ridiculous and elementary, and that I was getting eye-rolls from people whenever I am open about my goals and projects.

    Instead, they want to know what I’m ordering off the menu. That’s crazy to me! :D

    And then I shared with a friend that this happened, because I was just telling him last night about my fear that really smart people will think I am a joke for pursuing my intellectual goals with abandon and confidence. And my friend said something really amazing to me… and I couldn’t help but agree! He said, “people are noticing the things you do because you’re good at them and you’re not afraid to show how happy you are to be receiving all of the nice vibes from everywhere. you haven’t let it get to your head either”

    I feel like, wow, I am successful, and better yet, I am worthy and people THINK I’m worthy of it. Wow!

    Everything is changing so much in my life. I have spent my whole life feeling not good enough and unsupported and alone, but lately I haven’t been left alone once when I needed support.

    I just send myself love deliberately as much as I can remember to. I constantly cheer for myself.

    It is doing wonders.

    If I could even describe it very well, I’d write a whole book about it.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:08am

  384. 384: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Dominique! I am feeling a lot better. My belly is still weird and I still think about the situation all the time, but it feels more and more like background noise that will eventually go away. Like the caffeine headache;).

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:12am

  385. 385: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @356 Lilibee

    Sound beautiful. I feel so happy for you! Thanks.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:13am

  386. 386: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    381:

    Awww, I feel so happy for you Starla! :)

    That’s exactly how I felt the last couple of months…like it was just “background noise” to my happy life.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:24am

  387. 387: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Taking a break, but I think I might actually finish this portrait by 1 pm. I will be good with time. I have such a hard time drawing noses…I hope this turns out. This is my first real portrait drawing I’ve done, other than self-portrait in class.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:26am

  388. 388: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    :(
    I’m feeling hopeless and sad. I don’t know if it’s just impatience on my part that is causing it…??
    I don’t see things happening that I want and it’s frustrating.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:28am

  389. 389: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I had trouble getting through this article and reading Joan’s letter…I found it rambly and hard to follow. I skipped down and just read Rori’s reply.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:29am

  390. 390: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((Emerson)))))))))))))))))))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:30am

  391. 391: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Emerson I found Joan’s letter hard to read and understand too.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:32am

  392. 392: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ate some breakfast, fresh squeezed OJ, making some red tea, listening to Johnny Cash Pandora Radio, it’s a beautiful sunny day, but a little chilly. I need to figure out my outfit for tonight.

    Trying to distract myself from wishing my phone would go off with a text from Boat Guy :(

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:37am

  393. 393: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    GivingGirl, I know that feeling of wishing my phone would go off SO well. Right now, I’m not feeling it because of the full detachment I’m going through, so it has me wondering how I can feel good like this the next time I start getting close to a man.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:51am

  394. 394: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla and GivingGirl.

    I am wondering about something. Recycled offered to help me with something, and now I want to take him up on it but I don’t want to lean forward and contact him…what do you think sirens? I could really use his help.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:51am

  395. 395: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    made squash with garlic on the stove for breakfast, poured a little glass of hemp milk, good music on. inspiring saturday morning:)

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:54am

  396. 396: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, what is it that you need help with? It all depends on how much you genuinely need help from him specifically.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:55am

  397. 397: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @391 Starla,

    I know you do. It really stinks. I really don’t know the answer to that.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:01am

  398. 398: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Emerson – could someone else help you?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:02am

  399. 399: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i wish i knew how to answer that for you, too, givinggirl! just keep trying stuff, i guess. fake it till you make it has been my best bet thus far. actually, that’s basically how i got rid of that wishing feeling lately – by faking it until I felt it true. I still wish but it feels way less urgent!!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:04am

  400. 400: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yea, I’ve become good at faking it to other people, but not to myself. I feel like I’m in limbo. We haven’t texted since Wed. night. I’m not going to contact him first either, which is what is hard because I want to so bad. I’ve been good at controlling myself though.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:07am

  401. 401: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Break time is over…back to drawing! I could dilly dally on the computer all day…AND I have before! LOL

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:08am

  402. 402: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I was reading the 5 keys and my biggest problem is I’ve always wanted to be the receiver, but I’ve always been the giver. I have to stop my need for control & perfection.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:10am

  403. 403: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    My living situation is a little down in the sh&tter right now and I travel very far to work and he lives near my work so he offered for me to stay at his house now and then. He lives alone and told me to just call him if I need a break want to stay there and not drive home. I would have my own room.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:16am

  404. 404: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    401 that was @ Starla

    Giving Girl I have a hard time asking for help and what I need is hard to ask for….

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:19am

  405. 405: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for askingLilybelle. The doc

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:42am

  406. 406: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, if you want to take him up on it, and you have no other good options, then just hit him up, and say, thank you so much for offering that. i would actually feel really appreciative if i could take you up on it. i’m ready to start doing that anytime.”

    you’re feeling unworthy of help right now. i so know the feeling. ((((((emerson)))))))))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:42am

  407. 407: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for askingLilybelle. The doc said he was a bit surprised at the progress

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:44am

  408. 408: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yay fw has magical healing powers:)

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:49am

  409. 409: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    406 thank you Starla I like how that sounds. I feel scared and yes unworthy. :-(

    My job stuff is going well but my living situation is so important to me to feel comfortable and safe and relaxed, and right at the moment its so not!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:54am

  410. 410: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The pain is excruciating and oxycodene makes me feel nauseous and partially unconscious.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:58am

  411. 411: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    ((FW))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:14am

  412. 412: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    FW I’m so behind on the blog, I didn’t know….sorry you are in pain. (((FW)))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:24am

  413. 413: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I wish Recycled would call me so I don’t have to lean forward and call him.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:36am

  414. 414: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks. One thing I am learning is how amazingly help appears when needed and how men really want to help. My rich unavailable cd even showed up last night after I leaned forward to let him know what happened. He and two gfriends husbands were here so I also got to see how men interact with each other. Cd had said to call him Thursday so he could come over. I didn’t but he contacted me yesterday, then came. At least once during the night it felt like we were a team. He looked at me during a bit of a deep conversation he was having with one of the men as if it was me he was addressing. I practiced using feeling messages and one of the other guys suggested that I have been independent.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:44am

  415. 415: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Well Recycled did tell me to call him if I ever needed to take him up on it. Is that still leaning forward if I call him?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:53am

  416. 416: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla Your suggestion in 406 is helpful because when I imagine myself having the conversation with him it’s so self depreciating…I hear myself starting off with “did you really mean it when you said you’d offer for me to stay with you..??” etc etc….like I need to have affirmation that he really meant it…instead of taking his word for it and just saying I appreciate it and I want to take you up on it…..I feel all nervous in my tummy and all tied up and pessimistic.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:58am

  417. 417: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson I have been calling people asking for help bcus I am the one needing it right now.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:01am

  418. 418: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I believe when I get comfortable asking for what I want the energy of the Universe moves around to bring it to me.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:04am

  419. 419: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Emerson – he wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it, remember that. If you need to take him up on it now, then you don’t really have the option of waiting until he contacts you. I also don’t like asking anyone for help. I feel bad when I do. I feel like people don’t want me to ask them for help, like it’s a burden. But, it’s not, they are always very happy to help out.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:06am

  420. 420: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ Emerson, asking for help isn’t leaning forward :)
    Also, I suffer from the same problem… I hate asking people for help, I find it difficult to depend on people, and especially feel uncomfortable asking men for help!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:20am

  421. 421: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    418 omg FW that is so true!! I’ve been trying it in babysteps asking for what I really want at Starbucks without feeling bad that I want it extra hot or whatever!!!!! There have been times when I’ve had to psyche myself up in line telling myself it’s ok to ask for what you want ok!!!

    It’s because I felt so UNHEARD as a child growing up and I still DO. My Mom (and Dad too) tend to brush me off when I express something is bothering me or I want/need this or that and I hate it.

    So when I practice, I am scared the barista will roll her eyes or tell me no I can’t have such a silly request as “extra hot” or she will go from friendly to unfriendly …and to be honest, in reality that has NEVER happened with a barista!! :-) yay baristas :-)

    Thank you FW for sharing with me!!!!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:22am

  422. 422: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks mali and GG for your words!! Gosh it feels so freeing to read your replies and also I feel soo supported!! I feel teary….and thankful

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:26am

  423. 423: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    ooh..i hate asking for things. i feel all nervous and bad.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:27am

  424. 424: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, how about, “I feel vulnerable asking… but would I be able to stay with you a few days?”

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:27am

  425. 425: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been feeling so numb inside recently….as I’ve been sharing about on the blog the past few days…and I feel scared about it. It’s still here with me, the numbness.
    I think I may have figured it out.
    I feel it’s a delayed reaction to losing my home a couple of years ago. I’m really going thru the homesickness now and the grief. I want to go home, but now it belongs to someone else and that feels so sad. :-( It was mine and I bought it all by myself and I lost it all by myself too. :-( It’s ok Emerson it’s just a house.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:29am

  426. 426: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you mali, I like that suggestion!

    I’m also realizing that people in my family will likely never understand me or what I’ve been going through and the effort that I put forth and frustration, etc…and for some reason it’s so important for me to have them understand.
    But why??? Does it really matter if they do or don’t???

    Perhaps not.

    I like what lk said in an earlier post about deciding she wants something and then it happens….I have actually seen this take place with my work situation AMAZINGLY,,,,and I mean, really amazing!!!

    But I’m feeling so so so impatient with the living situation and the relationship status that I am getting all bunched up inside and feeling anxious and needing to control and wanting a crystal ball and it’s making me feel miserable!!!!

    I am going to create a brand new vision board for myself!!!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:36am

  427. 427: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    I´m noticing something, when people ask help from me, I do help happily people who ask straightforward and confidently, but i do get a bit irritated if the person asking seems hesitating and insecure. I guess we do feel more comfortable helping those who feel they are worthy of help. Although I’m having problems feeling worthy of help too, that’s why I rarely ask for it.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:44am

  428. 428: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Emerson)))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:46am

  429. 429: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I’m getting all nervous and panicky. Let’s say Boat Guy doesn’t contact me before the party and he goes to the party? How am I supposed to act? What am I supposed to say? I think we are still dating, but I’m not sure. Do I act like normal and give him a kiss and hug hello?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:49am

  430. 430: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    427 Ulii that is helpful thank you…I tend to be the insecure type that you describe..hesitantly asking but actually I want to change that! Thank you sirens for helping me. It’s easier for men to understand when we are direct anyways!!!
    And as FW said, men DO want to help and I think it makes them feel good.
    I have to remember that.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:01pm

  431. 431: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @GivingGirl
    Sorry, I think i have missed the first part of your story.. but I would maybe just smile to him and let him come to kiss me & say something first.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:11pm

  432. 432: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Femininewoman)))
    It feels good to hear your healing is progressing! I wish the pain will pass soon.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:16pm

  433. 433: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling a lil calmer now that I *know* I can reach out and ask for help…I don’t *feel* it yet, but I know it will follow soon…
    I’m waiting for this sense of urgency to pass so I don’t convey it to the world around me…I feel like I need to hide from everyone and everything when I get like this!!!!

    I did spend some time lookign at my closet and figured out a new cute outfit for the warm weather yaay Emerson!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:29pm

  434. 434: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    429:

    Giving Girl~ I would go about assuming he is not going to be at the party. I would totally put him out of my head and go about getting gorgeous and excited and siren-y for the party for me and have fun in the process. IF he shows up, I would act surprised and happy to see him (because i would be because I wasn’t thinking about him being there at all) and I wouldn’t lean forward to hug or kiss him or anything.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:30pm

  435. 435: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    379:

    ((((Dominique))))

    :-)

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:38pm

  436. 436: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @431 ulii

    Thank you. Short version – been dating 8 months, known him for 7 years, have had a couple hiccups along the way, one was about a month ago. I didn’t handle it well at all, basically attacked. He runs from conflict w me saying he feels pressure & stress, so it pushes him away & we should just be friends.

    1.5 weeks later, we went to dinner & things seemed back to normal. Didn’t see him the following week, he went on vacation & I thought he was going this weekend. He text to say he was leaving & would see me when he got back.

    During this week, he text me a couple pics & asked how weather was. Haven’t spoken since Wed. Don’t know when he’s supposed to be back & don’t really feel like I know where we stand.

    Party tonight, he never mentioned it & I don’t know if he’s going.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:54pm

  437. 437: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @434 Thank you lilybelly. I need stop worrying and just let him come to me. I hate feeling uncertainty.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 12:56pm

  438. 438: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @GivingGirl
    lilybellys advice in 434 feels great to me.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 1:13pm

  439. 439: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((me))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 1:29pm

  440. 440: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I just had a CD text and ask what I want to do when we meet (we’ve met before a couple times but few and far between) and I told him and he replied with a negative comment about my suggestion and suggesting some thing else.
    I feel angry and unheard and annoyed to the nth degree and right now I cannot even reply. Why even ask me if you’re going to rescript everything and tell me my idea is a pain??? And it’s not by the way.
    I don’t know how to answer so for now I will remain quiet.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 1:36pm

  441. 441: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I think I may go to the used bookstore today and sell my books!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 1:37pm

  442. 442: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not going to think about this CD and his text.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 1:42pm

  443. 443: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens

    Well, it’s end of semester time and I am correcting like crazy and so am not sure what is happening on the blog
    i just wanted to say hi and that my birthday turned out to be a really happy day, thank-you for all the people who wished me a happy day…

    and i have had a very unsireny day today i think. I was out walking and my car was on the trail and my crush saw my car and walked on the trail and i wanted to see him and talk to him after seeing him and we did end up talking again and it’s just the same as it ever was. lk don’t get mad at me i didn’t kiss him this time…and i just wish i could forget about him…..

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 1:50pm

  444. 444: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Healing Waterfall – i feel bad and confused reading that… what’s unsireny about that? it sounds like a man went out of his way to follow you on a TRAIL!! whoa like ROMANTIC much??! That would feel amazing

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:14pm

  445. 445: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if you’re confused between leaning back , and being cold and closed…

    a siren is open and warm when a man chases after her or follows her on a trail

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:15pm

  446. 446: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ouch i feel pained wirting that way, like im ‘making someone wrong’

    i can jsut sit with my feelings of uncomfortabliity and love me insread

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:16pm

  447. 447: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry if i came off disrespectful! aha thats what it is!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:17pm

  448. 448: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling so crappy today seeing “my guy” interact with a female friend on facebook . . .

    I broke up with him, so it “shouldn’t” bother me, but it does.

    And he’s not even actually flirting with her, just “interacting”…

    but it is more interaction than he has had with me this week…

    and I had thought he wasn’t interacting with me because he was busy….

    Yet he messaged me to “reconnect” (and I responded with positive FM’s and openness) and he said he wants to talk on the phone….

    so, what is he doing spending time interacting with her? when he is trying to not be on facebook as much (he said)

    (Am not really asking or looking for an answer, just saying that this is why I feel bad.)

    :(

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:23pm

  449. 449: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh… NOW I read this, from Rori:

    “if you feel incredibly drawn to and involved with a man who is making you feel bad, you don’t have to walk away! Leaving is a last resort, and, if you use my Tools, you’ll never have to use that last resort, or even ever again give him an ultimatum.
    There’s SO MUCH you can do to transform your relationship right now that will also transform HIM – and practically overnight – before you have to even consider folding your tent and moving on.”

    :(

    I already walked away. :(

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:28pm

  450. 450: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “When my lovely husband turned moody and neglectful – even criticizing and mean – I was devastated.” (Rori)

    Oh, so her husband was criticizing and mean! (just like it seems my guy has been)

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:31pm

  451. 451: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I just took my dogs out for a walk, and someone down the hall in my apartment building was having really noisy sex. I felt amused, but mostly I felt jealous!

    Sex would feel so yummy! So would the kind of connection I want to feel before engaging sexually with a man!

    My ex-boyfriend is very devoutly Catholic and wants to wait for marriage to have sex. He is 33 and still a virgin. (He is also not sure he is not going to enter the priesthood, which was a major contributing factor to our break-up.) So, in almost nine months of dating, we didn’t have sex. Coincidentally, the day after we broke up was the day Rori’s post was about how sex becomes such a huge thing in a relationship when you’ve been together for a while and wait to have it because one person wants to abstain.

    My last relationship before this one was in college, so I haven’t had sex since college. Sometimes I think I should find a FWB just to have sex again, but that feels REALLY yucky. My stomach is clenched but wobbly thinking about it. I want sex to be a physical expression of intimacy; no intimacy = no sex! I will hold that boundary and keep abstaining until I have what I want!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:49pm

  452. 452: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    emerson
    about 421
    ouch…i so know the feeling. My mother was terrified of my father and displeasing him so when he was home she hardly paid any attention to us and catered to his terrifying whims and moods and rages….

    at night we were put to bed so early….like 7 even when we were 15 and we had to lay in bed and be quiet until we slept.

    she didnt talk to us or say good night or hug us or ask about school and during the day when dad was working she was normal but once he was home it was like we had to shut off our feelings or get in big trouble

    sometimes i am so horrified by my memories that i cant believe ive ever put them out of my mind.

    your post triggered me and my old memories

    cause its so lonely to not have the perfect family
    and its even lonelier to keep it all tucked away in my head

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 2:53pm

  453. 453: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:14pm

  454. 454: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    feeling lonelyyyyy

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:26pm

  455. 455: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I went to ballroom class today, it was a good workout. Another man asked me out for tomorrow, I said yes but close to my area, then he said which diner would you prefer… I mentioned a few, and let him decide, but I am feeling turned off by this man…this is the third time we make plans and he starts to back pedal…If after this he doesn’t pick up his slack, I will not accept another invitation…

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:34pm

  456. 456: Memulo says:

    I did a not-very-smart double leaning fwd and not feel pretty sad.

    On Thurs I sent him a question if we are planning to see each other during these two weeks that I am away, once he gets over his cold. And on Friday I felt worried that perhaps he is very sick so I called to ask how he was feeling (normally I would be the last person to do that but everyone around made me feel guilty for not caring about him lol). He didn’t pick up the phone, but a coulpe of hours later texted: ‘Sunday to Wednesday is best but sick’. Cryptic, I know. Well it meant that he could come over Sun to Wed but was still feeling not well.
    I: Sun to Wed can’t wait till you get better;)
    and then: Just read a book outloud for you. Helped last time.
    He: said something ‘smart’ acknowledging the book thing lol.

    I let him be the last one to text. Silence since then.. and it drives me crazy ;( I don’t know what’s happening at all. If anything…

    I was joking about the book, because last time when he was sick and I came over to take care of him I read to him. He later said that no one ever did that for him before, I felt that he was moved.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:35pm

  457. 457: Memulo says:

    To clarify, I still feel that asking if he was planning to come over to see me was the right thing to do. Calling the next day was.. well.. BAD

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:38pm

  458. 458: Memulo says:

    Turquoise,

    Just reading briefly thru comments – I would still go out with the pilot. I would meet him and let the judgement happen after. It’s not good to lie about anything, but so many people do and what if that’s an insecurity he has that a younger woman wouldn’t even consider him at his age.. And maybe you wouldn’t, but how would you know if you two never met?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:42pm

  459. 459: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    When a man ask me what I want from a man?

    I tell them I want a man who can love me…

    It seems simple, but it can get complicated for some men who are unable to love, and once I let that out, I can see some of them drift away, because for them that is asking for “too much”. For some men(and women), Love is “scary”. So for me having a man who loves me unconditionally is the biggest commitment…

    I love myself enough not to ask for anything less than a man who loves me and can allow me to love him…

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:49pm

  460. 460: Memulo says:

    Luzydel,

    It’s good you tell them upfront. Normal people wouldn’t be scared away, it’s a very simple concept

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 3:53pm

  461. 461: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – yeah! you sound powerful! I feel good reading about your response to neighbor sex hehe… It WOULd fele fun AND the connectino before would feel great yes!!!! yum!!!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 4:18pm

  462. 462: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    so this man lets call him “parkGuy” just said this to me…
    I am so attracted to you, but I purposely stay away from you!!!

    Me: ok…you may have your reasons and I respect them…

    Him: but the more time a talk to you the more I want to be with you…

    Me: That feels good to hear

    Him: like right now, I would have love to spend this evening with you…

    Me: all you had to do was ask ;)

    LOL I don’t want to rush into anything with him, but I don’t want to let him go yet…is that selfish?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 4:28pm

  463. 463: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, decided to meet the pilot, but not go flying. We are meeting locally for dinner. I feel good about it. He sent me some recent pics, doesnt look 51… So going to see what he says. He does have a 4 year old daughter that I just heard about today… But we’ve only been talking since Monday, so guess that’s ok. And pretty much he’s just sent me good morning, hope you have a happy day texts.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 4:32pm

  464. 464: Memulo says:

    I wonder if this was his way of rejecting me and I didn’t even get it? Jumped like a puppy when saw his text thinking that he is probably coming. Such a fool.. He just had a nice time while I was around and now that I am not it’s my problem, isn’t it

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:03pm

  465. 465: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    he is afraid to fall in love…

    that is how the conversation ended…from him telling me how much he likes me, to how much fear he feels to fall in love and then things not working out…I told him …I understand…I did not fight it or tried to convince him…he has to come to my space on his own without fear…so I let him be…Sp “ParkGuy” is feeling fear of falling for me…and I wont settle for crumbs so he can realize how good I am right now…

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:05pm

  466. 466: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    452 (((Jessie)))

    (((Lucy)))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:11pm

  467. 467: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I am not afraid to love and get bruised…I am not afraid of ending up alone…I am not afraid of what I don’t know… I want to feel happiness no matter what…

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:24pm

  468. 468: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    gosh it feels so uncomfortable to watch a woman stress herself over one man…

    im noticing feel all judgemental reading about this… I wonder what there is for me to heal?

    im not loving my inner ‘stubborn headed control freak?’

    ((((Daria’s stubborn headed control freak))))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:25pm

  469. 469: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling angry!

    I love my anger!

    I feel all guilty

    and kinda helpless

    (((((Daria)))))

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:26pm

  470. 470: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    It probably feels uncomfortable to watch because it reminds you of when you do it too…

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:34pm

  471. 471: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, thanks for the hug. I feel cared for. <3

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:35pm

  472. 472: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so good!

    thank u for feeding me!

    yum!

    i LOVE FOOD AND EATING!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:42pm

  473. 473: Memulo says:

    stubborn headed control freak?

    That feels funny like lol and a bit helpful at the same time. Is that me?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:46pm

  474. 474: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad that I feel unsafe being vulnerable and authentic around some women. I feel glad I feel safe being vulnerable and authentic with men and some women.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:49pm

  475. 475: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel horrified when people kick people when they’re down.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 5:53pm

  476. 476: Memulo says:

    I feel curious why he would do this to me. But it’s a classic question lol. He is doing it because i am letting him to

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:03pm

  477. 477: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel
    “I want to feel happiness no matter what…”
    me too

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 6:57pm

  478. 478: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Well I called Recycled earlier but he did not pick up. I sent a text and who knows he may never reply…in which case…I have lost….NOTHING.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:20pm

  479. 479: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I have really learned that I really need my alone time and ME time!!! I need a lot of time to decompress from work to feel normal and cheerful again.

    I have a lil bit of icky feeling from the call to Recycled that I made and I didn’t leave a message….but at this point seriously I don’t even care anymore.

    Remember I’m numb??? So Emerson, there’s no worries for you. It does not matter what he does or does not do. You don’t need him, he simply offered a resource and you may or may not be able to take him up on it. If not, then who gives a flying $hit??

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:22pm

  480. 480: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Lucy}}}

    Sorry you are hurting.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:23pm

  481. 481: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    sometimes i get really paranoid that the reason CF isn’t responding to me is that those hackers who were trying to mess with me emailed him something awful on my behalf, to mess with us.

    but as far as we can tell, the hacker thing was a bluff.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:27pm

  482. 482: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Actually
    I realized
    I kind of
    honestly
    truly
    really dont care about Recycle’s reply…

    it has no bearing on my day or week or life….

    really he has lost his magical powers over me…

    OMG!!! I wonder if he knows this???

    Men are very intuitive to our vibe so I wonder if he senses it….

    Yes this article is about not wondering what he is thinking and that is precixely what I just did!! hee hee SILLY EMERSON.

    I made tentative plans with BrainyCD and I’m not sure about the chemistry but it’s CDing nonetheless.

    I feel cranky about not getting rest right now not so much cranky about recycled calling or not calling.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:34pm

  483. 483: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh goodness this is complicated and that’s okay. Everything can be peaceful and understanding, at least where I’m standing. But I am literally shaking from the intense bad complicated luck i have experienced lately, and how any of these ridiculous things could even be a possibility. Just shaking from head to toe like I’ve never shaken before.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:37pm

  484. 484: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    oh my goodness i am really shaking. i’ve never experienced this before. do i just let it ride? or should i be concerned?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:42pm

  485. 485: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I re-enabled my OkCupid profile this evening, with revisions to included FMs, and one man in my first set of Quiver matches said that he wants to be pursued. He doesn’t mind guiding things, but he doesn’t want to do all the initiating. I felt bleh. And turned off.

    Another of the three is separated from his wife and they are divorcing because they realized they just don’t mesh. Bleh. He is not single, and I do not want a man who is not single.

    The third one is a geology post-doc at a local university. He sounds nerdy, and I find nerdy quirks endearing. I feel squee! when a guy reveals nerdy quirks. I will decide later if I should send him a message.

    Sirens, do you send a man the first message on online dating sites? I seem to recall reading somewhere on here that Rori says that’s okay, but to lean back after that. Do you say anything more than, “Hi!”?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:46pm

  486. 486: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    484 Starla I am so sorry…I hope you are ok!!!!
    I think its ok to let it shake out…You are really feeling your feelings……and maybe you can cycle past it….
    but if it does not stop then I would be worried you’re maybe having an anxiety attack….and you should call a dr.!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:53pm

  487. 487: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i just rode it out and let it out and shook really hard for a while and now i feel totally better.

    that was so strange. i’ve never felt anything like that in my life.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:54pm

  488. 488: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion yes I believe Rory says you can send a wink or quick hello as a sort of internet proverbial “dropping your handkerchief” but then lean back big time after that….and make sure to let him lead….
    I had done that with NewCD and he’s been flaky but that’s just one person. I keep giving him new chances and Recycled and BrainyCD as well! It’s my year of second and third and 100th chances everyone…cuz me don’t care no more.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:55pm

  489. 489: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    aww Starla I’m glad you are ok.

    I feel totally nervous and shook up inside too but I’m not shaking. It’s because of my unsettling living situation and I hate it.

    I’m trying to not let it take over my life tho.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:56pm

  490. 490: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens. I went out with pilot, and had a pretty good time. I had an excellent steak, salad, baked potato and glass of sangria and ordered one of the more expensive meals on the menu. I dont normally do that… But want to heal feeling like i dont want to put them out, i deserve a nice meal! He does look older to me, more distinguished, but attractive. I asked if he is really 41 and he said yes. I commented that he looked older, and he said it’s the grey hair. But, he said the little girl in his profile picture, and when I Asked how old they are now… Which Led me to believe the picture is 10 years old. He said he’d like to see me again, commented on how pretty I am, and he did kiss me goodnight. Felt pretty good. So, will probably see him again. I have decided to try and date someone 3 times before making any decisions. Besides, cding means multiple men. Hope everyone is doing well and will catch up on the posts… Feeling sleepy though, probably the sangria.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 7:59pm

  491. 491: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Starla))))

    I think let it ride. Riff here? Follow the sensations in different body parts and see what emotions pop up?

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:00pm

  492. 492: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ack maybe I leaned forward with recycled and its all for nothing and my NVs are telling me I f&c#ed up!!!!
    Emerson you’re a hopeless f&c# up and why do you have to be sooo neeedyy……enough already just shut up!!!!!!!!!!!! OK NVs shut up too. Emerson it’s ok because you get more and more chances and you did nothing wrong or maybe outside the “rules” yes the lean back “rule” you f’d it up ok…but who cares???? It doesn’t actually matter at all…Recycled is a hopeless cause and you cannot rely on him or anyone that is the truth…EVERYONE will let you down don’t you know that???? NO that is not true NVs shut up shut up!!!!!!!!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:00pm

  493. 493: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m really not liking what’s going on in my NV corner right now….I feel all tensed up and nervous. I hate this feeling!!!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:02pm

  494. 494: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i found a lot of peace on the other side of that.

    i still feel in awe of how intense that was and how much better i feel now… never ever felt anything even close to that in my life.

    i feel open and free

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:02pm

  495. 495: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ahhhh hahaha beloved universe
    i am not afraid
    i do not feel afraid
    i am just where i need to be
    thank you, universe!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:11pm

  496. 496: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am subscribed to SO many freaking newsletters from relationship and dating gurus it seems. my inbox is nothing but them. i think it’s time to unsubscribe from most of them. jeez. i don’t read them, but the headlines are often fear-inducing, like “why don’t they commit?” “can he fall out of love?”

    lol

    f*ck you, newsletters. love is easy and effortless. guess someone forgot to tell you!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 8:20pm

  497. 497: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok..the last time I was here I had heard from my E, who had finally left but said he was not financially or emotionally ready and had a lot of family stuff going on. I had told him that after knowing him for 6years and the love we shared I didnt think it was fair of him to expect me to drop the relationship I was in to let him decide if he was going to be with me. I told him I wanted the ring and the life we had planned and no more waiting. (it was much more emotional than this and I used all feeling messages) He said he wanted our life too but just not yet. I said ok and he said he would keep me posted and contact me every so often to let me know…I told him that he could not contact me at all unless he was ready. I left him over a year ago when after a torturous year of waiting I broke it off.
    Shortly after I found Rori and everything changed. My vibe, my feelings about me
    and how I connected with the love inside me so that I could connect with all of the love around me. The long and short of it is I gave myself permission to feel good inside my
    skin and about every man I encountered
    unless and until he no longer felt good to
    me….how does it feel when I wear this
    man as my coat..do I feel all protected,
    warm, fuzzy and safe or do I feel drafty,
    left in the cold and frostbit?
    How is your jacket feeling right now?
    Anyway, through CDing I found a
    wonderful man who loves me and has so
    much to give. We have talked about
    buying a house and went to look at rings the other day. I went to look at dresses the other day and about had a panick attack. I was happy with B before E showed his face. I knew he wasnt leaving his wife and I had to move on. I felt safe and happy and I truely love B.
    Yes, heres the but, I let E know he still
    had a chance even though Im still with B. He knows how much I love him, how could he not. I cant get caught up in why he came to tell me he left but wasnt ready, Rori taught me enough about this that Im pretty certain its because he wants to see if Im still waiting, he doesnt want to lose the maybe while hes still trying to figure things out and emotionally heal. Regardless I dont want to put off my future either.
    Soo without telling me how I should feel because that always makes me feel.pressured I need some help. Ive known B for 7 months and I love him and Ive loved E for 6 years, we just have not jad a chance to explore everything to its fullest. I also dont know everything about E as he lives 900 miles away. Ive never been “in” his daily life. I know B, most everything about him.
    Ive been thrown off because I believe E loves me but just wants to be ready. I dont think he would have left if he didnt realize it and I dont think he would have contacted me if he didnt care that I married another guy. Im not sure after our conversation that hes comming back.
    B is here and is now and is wonderful but now theres a part of me that feels proposterously guilty. Im having a hard time being physical with B because I feel like Im cheating..can you believe that? I feel disappointed that E didnt just run to me, ready and able. Truthfully, B doesnt know E contacted me. E knows Im with B..but knows I love him with all my heart. Im feeling heart broken at the same time Im feeling joy. I have such a rush of emotions going on forvthe past two weeks. All everyone wants to do is tell me how to feel. Everyone I know is so angry at E for what I went through and allowed myself to go through. They have demonized him and they may be right or not, but either way I have nooo outlet to talk about this to anyone in my life. Was it Rs plan to sabotage my current relationship..idk. I know how I feel and I do love E, first but he is not here to love me and that makes me feel cold and alone in that jacket. I love B and I feel cozy and safe with him…I feel all uncertain. If E came back would I break the heart of a man that truely loves me for a man that even now has not stepped up? Would he as he seems to be growing rather quickly without my intervention. The truth is, I dont want anyone else to be with E, I have not given up on him yet. This feels awwfullll just all icky…I feel excited too and uncertain…blahh

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:12pm

  498. 498: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    496 I hear you Starla….I have email newsletters too….
    it can be a bit overloading to the senses at times.

    I don’t care if I never hear back from any of my CDs ever again. They can all go on their merry way if they choose.
    I.
    Don’t.
    Care.

    Bye.
    Bye.

    And that includes Recycled because all he is is a CD and he’s barely even that…I reached out to him and he doesn’t even call me back. I didn’t say what it was about but STILL…..ppppffffffffffttt….whatever I REALLY REALLY REALLY DON’T GIVE A RAT’S $#IT!!!!

    I realllllyyyyy dooo nottttt care okaaaayyyyy is that what God wants to hear me say to make it all go away……….

    In fact, I wish that ALL of them would just GO AWAY and I’ll start fresh. They are all getting on my nerves right now being non committal and flaky and not there for me when I need them.

    So why don’t you all just go and leave me alone???????? You have no PURPOSE and my “learning” and “practicing” is just feeling FRUSTRATING to me atm.

    And what I”m TRULY feeling is ANGER. F#ck all of them.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:16pm

  499. 499: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Come to think of it, the other day when I met up with Recycled, I realized I was having the same conversation with him over and over…he talks about the same stuff again and again…..its all about family stuff and drama and etc etc…..I found it tiresome a little bit, to be honest with you.

    “Um hello I’m not your therapist Recycled.”
    That’s what I wanted to say but I just decided to “practice” listening at level 2…and lean back physically…..and thinking, wow all of this REPEATED conversation was VERRYYY INTERESTING!!!! NOT!!!!

    Yes he did ask about me…and was complimenting me etc…and was being nice,….but it really all means nothing to me right now.

    If he’s not in front of me he does not exist.

    So you are just ghosts…all you CD’s…..I hate all of you

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:25pm

  500. 500: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Yes I just said that.

    I’m feeling angry and sarcastic.

    I really do seriously want all of them to go away, if it’s just a bunch of nothingness. Bye, leave, get away from me then. Go now!!

    What a waste of freaking time.
    Get the f#ck out of my face then.
    Don’t waste my free minutes.
    Don’t ask me to make plans and then not make it happen. I don’t want to deal with your BS. NOT NOW AND NOT EVER.

    I think it MAY be time to change my number. Just maybe. And be stealth about it. I’m not going to tell anyone a ‘heads up’ as far as CDs go. It’s my phone and my business.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:29pm

  501. 501: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow in a couple of hours I went from talking about giving everyone 2nd and 3rd and 100th chances to wishing them all to go away.

    Emerson you are so f#cked up but that’s ok. I still love you anyway and you are protecting yourself and I do understand that.

    By the way good for you for letting it all out and not stuffing it down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is HUGE.

    So it’s not all for nothing.

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:32pm

  502. 502: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Now Emerson, what are you manifesting if you say you hate someone. That is not “nice” and you are only hurting yourself. You should only be expressing love and patience and compassion OK????

    Well ok miss know it all….we are having a conversation with ourselves, are we???

    Yes and you are spewing out negativity but maybe that is better than holding it inside to rot….

    I guess just wait and see!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 10:36pm

  503. 503: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @496 Starla – LOL, me too!!

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 11:27pm

  504. 504: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry, but this will be a long post.

    Tonight was very interesting. Still no word from Boat Guy and he didn’t go to party. Shy Guy was there briefly, but only really said hello. The portrait turned out good.

    Ok, interesting part. There’s this guy who grew up with all my friends. I’ll call him Mr. Observant. He is going through a divorce. I’ve seen him here and there at a couple parties, but now since he’s going through a divorce he comes out more. He was at my house twice I think for parties, I didn’t invite him, cause I don’t really know him, but other friends brought him. So, he’s had his eye on me for at least a year. I can feel it and see it in his eyes when he looks at me.

    We are FB friends. He was hanging around me a lot tonight. In line with me getting food, asking me questions like what do I do for work, what do I like to do for fun, etc. When he looks at me, he locks his eyes with mine and doesn’t look away. It’s like a piercing look, he’s looking inside of me and I feel uncomfortable. Not that he’s creepy or anything, I just don’t like people looking at me so intensely like that. I feel like I’m on display and I don’t like being on display.

    He sat down next to me to eat and continued asking me questions. He mentioned a book I posted about on FB many months prior, which I guess isn’t shocking that he pays attention to my posts.

    Anyways, his friend/brother-in-law kept trying to push us together. This guy did this previously with Shy Guy and he’s relentless. Mr. Observant pretended like he wasn’t paying attention to him and I just joked with him as I’m trying to ignore his comments. Later, Mr. Observant asked me, “what do you think of me?”. I told him, “you seems nice, but I don’t really know you all that well.” He asked me if I was in a relationship. (Crap!! I have no idea how to answer that.) I said, well, I’m not really sure. He looked puzzled and then said, with Boat Guy? I was surprised cause I didn’t think he really knew Boat Guy. I said, yes. He started asking me a bunch of questions and I was feeling uncomfortable.

    What made me feel the most uncomfortable was when he said, “so you’re hinging everything on what Boat Guy says? What do you want? Are you going to talk to Boat Guy and tell him how you feel?” In the middle of his interrogation, he told me, “this is not me hitting on you, right now.”

    Who is this guy who talks like this? I felt a little judged, but not really in a bad way.

    His brother-in-law said, it always seems to go this way, You’re a cute girl, smart, got your sh&t together, but you have bad judgment.

    I didn’t feel very good tonight. I felt like I was under a microscope. I hate feeling like that.

    On the other hand, Mr. Observant seems to know a lot more about me than I thought and a lot more than I know about him. He’s observing me. He seems to want to know what makes me tick.

    Have you ever been asked something about yourself that you should know the answer to, but don’t? That’s how I felt quite a bit tonight. It’s not even that I don’t know the answers, I just feel very uncomfortable with sharing myself. I don’t know why. I felt all shaky inside and tight in my chest. I just wanted him to stop asking me all these questions about me.

    I gave them a ride home and Mr. Observant held my hand between both of his, thanked me for the ride and told me he hopes things work out with Boat Guy the way I want them to.

    I had not planned on talking about Boat Guy at all tonight and this guy who I barely know is playing psychologist or something with me. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:00am

  505. 505: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Woke up this morning feeling better but Ive learned to be happy regardless of whats happening with my guys. I ran 7 miles yesterday, did laundry, hung with the kids and will be painting my bathroom today. The one thing Ive noticed is that even though Im hangin with B and he makes me feel wonderful when we’re together. I havent taken timevto just go out in public and be alone and flirty and me. This may be whats making me feel flat.
    The truth is, I dont know if E is comming back and B is great to me but with or without either one of them I feel fabulous. I feel gentle today, so Im going to be gentle with myself. I still question whether putting E out of my life until he can make it all happen was wise? Still second guessing but time will tell and until the future happens theres only now. My heart feels like a big rain cloud with love pouring all over everyone around me..gently.
    Oh and Emerson: I might not take your cd up on the overnight thing. This may be an offer for fwb and for him to see how willing you are to be available to him. Remember men will try to get you to do things even when they dont respect it to see if youll cave. They want to know they can trust you…you have to gp with what you feel but I would avoid being too available. Instead I have said to B….I would feel too needy and available to you. I preferr that we make plans and if you want to invite me to come over I would feel so greatful because I do get tired with all the travel. The way he did it actually gives him all the control. At any time he could start deciding that he doesnt want you to stay and how would you feel to show up at his house and have him act cold and distant. You may ultimately feel like an intrusion even if he did invite you…just my 2 cents.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:39am

  506. 506: Memulo says:

    Turquoise,

    Yay, happy for your good first date!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 5:59am

  507. 507: Memulo says:

    Starla,

    Lol, yes I stopped taking these newsletters seriously anymore

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:01am

  508. 508: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Wow , the way men think has me feeling amazed!

    Been composing email to Nice Voice CD.
    We are old friends who used to date years ago briefly, and her had reappeared recently and had a couple of dates.

    Yesterday he withdrew an offer of a great weekend of activities with me because he had met someone online who sounded wonderful and could just be “the one”. It was like shutting down his options , the opposite of CD’ing.

    I felt slighted, “less than” , and many other negative things until I realised it was a GREAT opportunity for FM ‘s and for not trying to “explain” or rationalize, and for not seeking closure, and for all the tools.

    It also was a window on the world of a man who sees women as the idealized “one” and “all the rest ” (who he has in his mind already rejected as they are not “the one” ). Although he came back and CD’ed me recently , clearly I was in the “reject” basket .

    This dualist thinking is something I have come across before. It seems to be a major cause of finding oneself as a FWB if a woman isnt alert to it happening and is sleeping with the guy.
    I got caught in the past, but not this time.

    I just told him I was dating several men till one offered me the relationship I want, though not sleeping with any of them. I told him i felt bad to be cancelled from the weekend he had planned (but no date set) when he hadnt even met the “potential Ms Wonderful”in person. I told him I felt good with him and now felt disappointed with this but respected his decision. Now I am in lean back mode.

    Phew…I feel relieved I hadnt spent that weekend with him as it would have become sexual and I would have become a FWB without realizing I was in the “not the one” basket. That would have felt very demeaning.

    I would like to think more about this . It would be great to know how a man identifies “the one”, and more to the point , how a woman becomes “not the one”. Hmmm..

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:06am

  509. 509: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Patricia

    wow… “Remember men will try to get you to do things even when they dont respect it to see if youll cave.”

    I feel shock & “i don’t Believe that” reading about that idea…… i feel certain that that does not always happen.

    i also don’t mind what someone “concludes” if they are “Testing Me” – i’d still prefer to assume they are not, if i can manage that : )

    love to you & love to me ! i love your image of the gentle soft rain falling in love………. that is very healing to me : ) thanks!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:08am

  510. 510: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    490:

    Turquoise,

    You look to be having a good time :)

    It’s kinda funny:
    When I met D, he lied about his age. He said he was 41 when a common aquaintance of ours told me he was 47.
    He actually looked like he was 50.
    I was 38 at the time.
    The age difference didn’t bother me, but I felt really turned off at the lying about it.
    I stopped taking his calls then.

    He lied about his age coz he felt insecure at being rejected. His ex had left him for a younger man.
    2 common friends concocted a plan together to have us run into each other “by coïncidence” 9 months later.
    When I saw him then, he had a more confident vibe and I felt more attracted.

    I went w my feelings since the day I met him.
    I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions.
    But I feel glad and gratefull to myself that I did, bc the whole experience has brought me amazing exponential personal growth.

    Going w our feelings every step of the way is the best path to follow.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:14am

  511. 511: Memulo says:

    I turned off my cell early last night and I feel better and more grounded since then.

    Yes, maybe I am a foolish fool for having my feelings towards him and showing them. Yes I was fond of him and told him he was wonderful. And it wasn’t my choice to disappear for 3 weeks because I am a rock star who found a new job in a bad market and have to wait for my work visa renewal in my home country. I am only one hour flight away from where he is. Perhaps some other woman would be thinking twice about going out with someone who has not even started a divorce. Someone who can’t possibly marry her and give her a status in his country, not to mention other issues. But me – no. I take care of everything myself and I was really falling for him. I wish I’d feel more appreciated and loved. Having said that, I am who I am. At least I have not turned into one of those guys that I met – the types that can ask you for Valentine’s dinner after a couple of months of dating and disappear. While I am not one of those people I have every chance to find love.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:14am

  512. 512: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning:)
    I am still so triggered by this CF stuff. And I do feel afraid that hacker guy messed with me for tattling on him. He said if I told anyone about it i would “see what happens,” but it just really appeared to be a hoax. So I am really, really trying not to worry, but it is in the back of my mind that he sent something horrible to CF on my behalf, or some ridiculous letter that would ruin my relationship with him.

    seriously still can’t believe this happened to me with the dumb hacker in the first place.

    so i texted CF last night to ask if there was any particular reason he won’t speak to me. no answer. just makes my fear and dread about the hacker grow even more. what an annoying, complicated element.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:20am

  513. 513: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, I feel you. I just said I was going to give my CDs all at least 3 dates because first dates can be nerve wracking…. And I shouldn’t be so judgmental. It’s more about what I think at this point, than how I felt. But, I feel like I could wash my hands of all of this, because I am really trying to be in this… But what I most want is C and I can’t have him. So I feel kinda like a fake. Like I’d rather just stay home with my girls and pets where it’s safe, and I won’t get hurt or disappointed. But, that’s not getting me the relationship I want either. So, faking it til I make it. Hugs Emerson…. We’ll be ok.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:21am

  514. 514: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, you are doing great!!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:25am

  515. 515: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    So Date today did not go through; guy has issues stepping up even with a little help from me..I told him a few places we could meet and let him decide…his answer was…can you call me? he hasn’t call me all this time, and all the communication I got from him is from POF, so he either did not save my number or deleted it and I feel turned off by that….anyway I am no longer interested it is too dragging when its suppose to be easy and simple.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:26am

  516. 516: Memulo says:

    Starla,

    Please calm down, it’s not a hacker. CF is not ready to talk to you. Please lean back. No matter what happens, 100 hackers, unless he comes to you, do not contact him. Please..

    Very sorry to be so blunt.. I am not exactly feeling gentle myself, but this is the essence of what I’d say anyway.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:30am

  517. 517: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    it is very weird to just not talk to someone. i seriously asked for nothing nor said anything offensive. there are a number of reasons exes would want to get in touch with each other one or two times after a break up, like to return stuff and the like.

    At the very least, he would text “don’t want to talk” or something.

    It’s just so weird.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:33am

  518. 518: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    511:

    His total focus should be on himself and on his son while he figures out what his life is going to look like now that his marriage is dissolving. He is likely still questioning himself on whether this is the move he truly wants to make. He thinks about the long term affects to his son and it rips his heart out of his chest to think he may be harming him emotionally by not remaining with his mother. Anything other than that, would be cheating himself out of time needed for self-reflection, healing and growth. Expecting more from him is setting oneself up for serious heartache.

    You are right to think about what you want and do what is necessary to take care of yourself.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:37am

  519. 519: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    496: Starla says:

    “f*ck you, newsletters. love is easy and effortless. guess someone forgot to tell you!”

    Thank you, Starla, for my laugh of the day !

    and yet, truer words have never been spoken

    :)
    light heart

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:37am

  520. 520: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia thank you for your feedback about staying with Recycled. I never heard back from him yesterday anyway.

    I feel bored with him and his selfishness. By selfishness I mean he talks and talks about himself but I call him needing someone to talk to, and he never replies. I don’t need that.

    Sometimes I miss one of my exes from way back when, he was always always there for me and answered my calls and helped me with everything but he was also very controlling. So I broke up.

    I’m still feeling very numb and like nothing really matters. I hope I”m not clinically depressed because I don’t believe in taking all those pills and that’s always what the Dr’s try to tell you to do. I seriously feel so ghostlike and empty, it’s creepy.

    Starla about your hacker, I have a feeling he is full of BS and I hear your words that you are worried. There’s a lot of scammers out there that will send emails just to see what people will do but they are full of it. I hope you can ease you worry. Hugs.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:39am

  521. 521: Memulo says:

    Starla, yes, there are reasons to talk and there are reasons not to. You can never know what approach a person will take. And we have no control over it. All we can do is to express what we want.. which you did already. And his silence is the answer. Even if you try to say it again it’s not gonna change it. He will only talk to you when he chooses to. Keeping asking him will not change this, but time down the road you will regret you did.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:39am

  522. 522: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks lillibee. That is good to hear. Pilot is definitely confident, was very hands on actually, touching my leg, squeezing my shoulder and holding my hand. He was the best dressed of any of my recent dates, and I love that. Put a little effort in you know? And I realized something, I am way way more attracted to men with light eyes. His are green, C’s are blue. I want to change that…. I could be walking away from some really great brown eyed men just because I don’t feel that initial spark. That is silly.

    I need to remember the dates are practice. I talked a lot last night. I got nervous. He said he’d really like to see me again, and I said he could call me. He said I could call him anytime. I said ok, but didn’t give the I’d rather you call me speech.

    He did let me in on a little insight early in the date… He said that he likes to have no contact for a few days to see how the person will react. That he has had a lot of women flip out on him. He said he’s busy, she should be busy too. He said even a week…. And I said, a week can feel like a long time. And he back peddled a little saying yrs, that would be too long… But a couple days. If we keep dating, I’d use a feeling message on how nice it feels to hear from him when I do. He did say he’d get me up in the plane and teach me… I said I don’t know about that, and he said,…. What if I grab my chest???? Lol. I must have looked a little shocked because then he said, no, I’m in good health!!! :)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:40am

  523. 523: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Michael Fiore, a dating coach I get newsletters from says to take some things into consideration before you try to get into relationship with someone again.

    That “resurrecting” your old
    relationship would probably just get
    your right back where you are now (miserable
    and lonely and considering buying more
    cats.)

    And that the only way to get the love
    you really want is to create a whole
    NEW relationship with that same guy
    (where you don’t fall back into the same
    patterns and the same pain you did before.)

    1. You legitimately think you and your
    ex could be great together.

    2. You’ve accepted that your old relationship
    is over . . .

    3. You actually LIKE yourself enough to be
    open to being HAPPY (instead of fighting like cats
    and dogs all the time.)

    :)
    light heart

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:42am

  524. 524: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my friend who was the first to get hacked is trying to reassure me that it was just a hoax for me and that CF is just genuinely that upset and not talking to me.

    i feel tired of worrying about this hacking cr*p.
    if i focus, though, i can stop being afraid of it sometimes. and just roll with what life gives me. even if it is absolutely ridiculous. it happened for a reason.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:43am

  525. 525: Memulo says:

    Thank you lilybelly,

    It’s been 2 years and he has no slightest desire to get back together with his ex. He introduced his son to me without me ever asking. Last time on the phone he said that the boy liked the book I bought for him. Every time in his house he shows me toys and gets happy to see me play with them, he kisses me.

    I did not ask for much. But I too need some love and moral support.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:46am

  526. 526: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    I’m on auto-pilot, just being warm and open and un-jaded, responding in the moment the way I feel,
    not based on past junk, no effort involved, this is a completely organic thing, everything I could ever want or need is already the case, this is easy, and yay, it’s earth day !

    :)
    light heart

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:48am

  527. 527: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I’m finding that the hope that my ex-boyfriend (let’s call him PriestCD) will call or email to resume a friendship is dying with time, and I feel sad about that. I would still like to see him again, just once, but I know that’s not going to happen.

    A number of you have said, in your experience, a guy will reach out after 8 weeks, plus or minus 2, post-break up, but I think by the time that amount of time has passed, I’m not going to want to talk to him. I feel really sad about *not* wanting to be friends with him!

    On an unrelated note, today is my first mileage increase in a while; my long run goes from 16 miles to 18 miles. I feel nervous about it. It’s just two more miles, about 21 more minutes of running. I know I can do it, and I will do it, but I guess my NVs don’t really believe that.

    Hush, NVs. Here’s a cookie; go sit in the corner! I’ve proven you wrong every run so far; what makes you think today is going to be any different?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:50am

  528. 528: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to plug my precious circuits of energy into anything that doesn’t uplift me and bring me closer to my own remembrance. A man is not in front of me, is not reaching out, I forget about him. I know I often feel like I’m supposed to ‘keep holding the torch’, but the torch takes too much electricity that is much better applied somewhere else, like right here, right now.

    :)
    light heart

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:57am

  529. 529: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @512

    (((Starla)))

    I know it’s easier said than done, but give it some time. I think he will talk to you.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:59am

  530. 530: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I drove to D’s tournament yesterday afternoon.

    There was construction on the way which delayed me 15 minutes and I had to stop for gas.
    I felt p’d at myself for being late.
    I’m often late, and he’s told me in the past that it makes him feel “unimportant” (back when I was complaining I felt “unimportant”)

    I made it only 2 minutes late…and he was waiting for me at the entrance!
    My face lit up when I saw him :)
    He said “I was looking for you coz it’s a maze of hallways in here and it can be difficult to find me. They made a mistake on the schedule and I only start in an hour.”
    I felt relieved about being late.
    I felt so wanted and cared for that he was looking for me at the entrance :)

    While we were waiting for his game, he was yawning.
    He had to do his shift overnight at work to get to go to the tournament.
    This sport is his passion, it was his dream to make a professional living at it but it didn’t workout.
    I felt bad and neglectful that I should have been more supportive (who am I, his mom?).

    Then my NVs were saying that he only wanted me there and pick me up in the morning to use me for a ride home afterwards coz he would be too exhausted to drive.

    I kicked the NVs to the curb and trusted I was loved.

    I said “I feel bad that I didn’t go to bed earlier, I could have been ready when you called this morning.
    You look so tired. I could have driven you back home so you wouldn’t have to drive the whole hour in the rainy dark so exhausted.”
    (overfunctioning I know)
    He said “No, I’ll be OK.”

    I felt relieved that he got eliminated at his 2nd game, so we could go home early.
    Before he changed, he came to me in the stands and asked me “1 of the winning teams asked if I would play with them, they are missing a player. Does it bother you if I say yes? If you don’t want to stay, I’ll say no. I would just like to take the opportunity to play against my cousins.”

    WOW! I felt so honoured! I felt my face soften up and melt.
    I felt so touched to hear what I was hearing! :)
    Since when does he give a rat’s 8ss ?!

    I said “it’s your tournament, stay if you want. I have my own car to leave if I don’t want to stay.”
    He said “yeah, but I wanted to leave with you.”
    He loves to lead me on the highway when we each have our own car, eventhough he knows I never get lost anywhere.
    I let him coz I love being taken care of and I love to let him feel like a man.
    I said “I don’t mind staying, I love to watch you play. You’re the one that has to drive yourself home so tired after, it’s your decision.”

    His cousins ended up not playing so he backed out.
    He showered and changed while we were waiting at the bar.
    My NVs kicked in again while I was watching his friends drink in a big party mood.
    NVs were telling me he’d want to stay and drink irresponsibly with his buddies like he did in the past.
    He came, sat quiet watching the game through the window drinking a beer.
    I sat back quiet with my NVs.
    He chatted a bit with his friends, then we went home after he had only 1 beer.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:00am

  531. 531: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, ladies. I’m honestly feeling more focused on worrying about this hacking cr*p. it is so nerve wracking!!

    everything is all complicated, and the universe is offering me a whole lot of weirdness on a wobbly platter these days.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:02am

  532. 532: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Going on day 4 of not hearing from Boat Guy. I’m feeling hurt he hasn’t contacted me.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about last night and how I felt. I could feel my walls were up and I realized, I do that often. I don’t let people in. I don’t know how not to do that. I get very nervous and tense and I can just feel them go up.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:13am

  533. 533: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    GivingGirl, I wonder if there is a way you could take yourself of the hook with him, so to speak. You’ve got yourself hanging on him.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:16am

  534. 534: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning sirens!

    Miss you all dearly! I have not had time to catch up on the blog – hope you are all doing well.

    I only have a quick minute, but wanted to blog my feelings real quick.

    Have been spending most of my extra time focusing on me and taking care of my emotions and my body. I’ve lost 12 pounds and feeling like I’m finally in control of ME! I’ve been listening to Rori’s programs everyday too.

    I’m just finishing up week one of a four week quest to keep the focus on me 100%.

    There have been some changes – I feel now that I don’t need or want to have CD Song’s heart. He is my boy toy (there, I said it) and that feels so right at this point. I experimented with it this week and it just feels good to me. I don’t feel torn or confused or upset or ignored. He can feel the shift too.

    CD assertive is going through changes himself, and I told him it does not feel safe to be in love with him (it took a lot for me to say that), but I feel that I need to step away from him, and right now he wants me to chase him. I just can’t chase after him to prove how I feel. I leaned forward and am taking him out for his birthday, and this very well may be the farewell dinner to our love affair – If at the end of week four I don’t feel any differently about him (safe), then I’m renewing my online dating profile and going full steam ahead for new recruits and will let him know that I am dating again (he will move on once I do that, I know this). Anyway – THIS feels right to me.

    I found a post on fb that said the following:

    “I’m so tired of people needing a reason to do everything in their lives. Do it because you want to. Because it’s fun. Because it makes you happy.”

    Namaste,

    LoveAlways

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:19am

  535. 535: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @530 Lilibee

    I feel happy to read your story. It’s so nice he made you feel so good!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:19am

  536. 536: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @533 Starla

    I’ve been trying to and then I feel upset. My emotions are all over, one minute teary, next angry, next hopeful, next hopeless, back to sad, feeling unwanted…on and on.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:23am

  537. 537: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    GivingGirl, daria explains this so much better than me, but there is a fun visualization that works awesome, even if you have to do it over and over.

    You imagine you’re skydiving, and BoatGuy is strapped to you in tandem. So as you’re free falling, you just pull the cord to cut him loose! and he goes flying off into the atmosphere and your parachute opens and you just float down to earth all lovely and light:)

    big, deep breaths:)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:27am

  538. 538: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LoveAlways! Have a nice day:)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:30am

  539. 539: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @537 Starla

    I imagined that as I read your post. It doesn’t feel good to cut him loose. I want to hold on. I started crying.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:31am

  540. 540: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))
    Hmm maybe take the angle that you have no evidence that the hacker has any merit.

    And perhaps your sad/fear feelings about CF are getting mingled with the fear about the hacker…?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:32am

  541. 541: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    532:

    Giving Girl,

    Rori teaches us how to get in touch with our feelings and being open to other people in all her programs.
    Most sirens recommend Modern Siren for that.
    But I preferred Reconnect your Relationship to connect to myself, my feelings and let my wall down.
    The whole idea in that program is to connect to ourselves 1st to be able to connect to other people.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:32am

  542. 542: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, for me I think it’s just a big tangled blob of a mess and the lesson here is that it doesn’t need to be untangled. I just need to step aside from it and find tidier places to look at.

    also
    (((((((((emerson))))))))))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:35am

  543. 543: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Lilibee. I need help with that.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:35am

  544. 544: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    513 Turquoise
    Thank you for your reply…I do feel the same way sometimes that it’s easier not to CD and just stay home.
    I don’t know what I’m doing wrong with these CDs…they are flaky and can’t follow thru, it’s so annoying and I”m letting it get to me. Maybe they are supposed to be the ones dropping off….
    I am scared that I’m going to be alone forever and I feel weird that I’m alone and people think I’m weird. I’ve said this a lot on the blog I know….it’s just sometihng I’m so self conscious about and I don’t even want to see my extended family because they all wonder what is wrong with me and I’m still single.
    I want to tell them “I’m f#cked up that’s why”

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:44am

  545. 545: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    535:

    Thanks GG,

    I have a bunch of ‘I shoudas’ though.
    Like I shoulda told him how he made me feel so important.
    Maybe my face and body language showed my feelings.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:48am

  546. 546: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee I feel good holding on to the belief that my face and body language can communicatE my feelings eloaquently

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:58am

  547. 547: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Difficult typing with my left hand but I am confidently focussing on the fact that it can be done

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:03am

  548. 548: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    544:

    (((Emerson))),

    Everything you wrote may be the reasons why your CDs flake. It’s all in your vibe.
    I’ve been there.
    When I finally felt joyful for being on my own and fell in love with myself and my life as it was, that’s when alot of interesting CDs showed up.

    What made me feel good was listening to Abraham Hicks on Youtube for hours.

    You are just fine as you are, there is nothing wrong with being single.
    Once you feel good with yourself and love yourself, that’s when your vibe changes and attracts people to you.
    Once my attitude about my being single changed, my family’s attitude towards it changed.
    When they saw how much fun I was having on my own, how I looked so happy, they became happy for me.
    I would say to them “yeah, I would love to have a special someone someday, I don’t want to be alone forever. But for now, I feel so happy and I’m enjoying myself so much, I don’t feel sad about it.”
    They stopped having that look of sad pitty on their faces.
    Instead of asking me about my love life, they are asking me what I’m up to.
    I have so much fun stuff that I do for myself, that it takes the focus off my love life.
    Now they focus on my fun life instead of my ‘miserable looking’ lovelife.

    I’ve experienced that huge vibe shift with myself, and it changed my whole life around and how people see me.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:06am

  549. 549: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow, fw, are you left handed? if not, that is going to make your brain incredibly sharp.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:07am

  550. 550: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    546:

    Well, you have point there FW.

    I did feel my face softening up and smiling.

    Awww, I’m feeling so gushy.
    I think of him and I feel my whole body vibrate and glow.
    I always knew he had it in him, like a hidden gem.
    I just didn’t know how to inspire him to bring it back out…all I had to do was STOP trying.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:15am

  551. 551: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    547:

    Aww, FW,

    My heart feels like it sinks down when I read about your poor fingers.

    Starla’s comments makes me feel better about it though, how about you?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:19am

  552. 552: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    548 Lilibee
    I understand what you are saying and you are trying to be helpful but I feel a sting reading your post like “emerson why don’t you just be happy” and the thing is that in the past I was that person who was happy on her own and enjoying so many things. I still have so many good things going on in my life, but I feel sad and yucky in my stomach with pain.

    I appreciate your advice and no offense to you but one month being without D is not that long to be on your own. Now you’ve reconnected and things are working out, so perhaps it’s easier to be optimisic.

    I’ve been on my own way longer. I do agree that my vibe affects the CDs, but it’s REALLY hard to break out of this cloud. I need a man to meet me where I am, mess and all, and not “rescue” me, but accept me, just as I am.

    Telling me to just love my life and act all happy that I’m single feels fake and not genuine. I am allowed to not like it and I am allowed to feel self conscious about it rather than stuff it down.

    I realize it’s alot of my own feelings that I feel self conscious and maybe people don’t even think about it or ponder it.

    But it is hard for me to be alone right now and I’m going through a lot of dark feelings.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:19am

  553. 553: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lilibee/fw, i’m not sure i’d personally want to lose my fingers just to sharpen my synapses, but it’s at least a consolation prize.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:21am

  554. 554: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Well, I think I made a good party reputation for myself while I was away from D.

    His sister wants me to take her to a nightclub she heard about. I told her how I had fun there 2x I went.
    My coworker wants me to take her there.
    My bf wants me to take her out dancing.

    I like going out dancing once in a while, but not too often.
    I got bored with it after a while.
    D was a bit freaked out when I told him my bf wanted me to take her there.
    He knows I met a man nearly every time.

    I feel worried that he will start going out to bars all the time without me again like he used to, if I do go out with the girls.
    Then again, I do want him to stay on his toes. He already know I can meet a new man anytime, do I still need to prove it?

    I feel bored with nightclubs.
    I want to make my friends happy.
    I want to make myself happy.

    What would make both me and D happy is if I book all of the women on the same night.
    I would only go once (makes me happy).
    D’s sister would be there (makes D feel safe).

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:52am

  555. 555: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    @ love always… it felt great reading ur post

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:03am

  556. 556: Memulo says:

    I turned on my cell and there was a text as of late last night and a call as of this morning from him. In the text he says that he misses me and he is sick. In the vm he is asking me to call. I haven’t yet.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:14am

  557. 557: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    My 34th birthday is coming up in 2 weeks im planning on going to miami…im going to do something lovely for myself

    ive been getting much better at digging into what i am feeling ….even when i dont use feeling messages, i will self reflect on the coversation to see what it was i was feally feeling at the moment, and why i reacted the way i did.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:15am

  558. 558: Memulo says:

    FW, how are you? Are you getting any breaks from the pain?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:16am

  559. 559: Memulo says:

    I don’t know what to say if we are on the phone and he says that he is sick and can’t visit Canada. I will stay here for another two weeks I think, does it mean that he won’t make an effort to see me at all? And I should be ok with this because for the next few days he is still sick?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:20am

  560. 560: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am righthanded and have tried in the past to use my left hand to sharpen my brain. It is that knowledge that has partially helped not to sink into the poor me pity party. It is hard to ignore the throbbing pain but I take the opportunity to use my mind/brain to channel healing energy to my hurting fingers. The doctor predicted a 5% healing chance for the middle finger and was prepared to remove the piece he attached. However he did say “I might be wrong” so I allowed my mind to wrap itself around those words for my thread of hope to exercise faith and practice using Rori style visualization.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:20am

  561. 561: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    coco kisses, a trip to miami sounds incredible!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:23am

  562. 562: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo I believe the new location is a great opportunity to cdate, meet new people and see how men in a different culture act. I would love to read about your exciting adventures there.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:25am

  563. 563: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    552:

    (((Emerson))),

    Well, it is by sinking into those yucky feelings that I made peace with them.
    I didn’t spend just 1 month without D, I spent 1 and half years without him as he wasn’t steppiing up at all.
    I just let go of him for 1 month.

    But I did spend 3 long miserable years alone in a major depression taking antidepressants after my divorce.
    So I do know about those yucky feelings and how it can feel impossible and not easy to snap out of them.

    We do need to sink into our yucky feelings and not sweep them under the rug.
    I feel compelled to try and say the magic words to make you feel good.
    I feel bad witnessing someone else go through that same pain I did.
    I feel like saving all beautiful sirens from those awful feelings.

    I appreciate your seeing my intentions (((Emerson)))
    I don’t feel triggered…just powerless.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:25am

  564. 564: Memulo says:

    (((FW)))

    Did you think to get another opinion? Perhaps a neurologist? I once had an injury and was told by 2 dr’s news that I didn’t want to hear and it coincided with what I read about it in the internet.

    But I decided to still try and dig and found a neurosurgeon that performed a surgery – not only it was beautifully done, with my scar almost not visible, quick recovery, but I healed 98% whereas others only promised 75%. I know it’s pure luck, but so happy I did not agree to go in surgery with the first 2 dr’s..

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:29am

  565. 565: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    @jessie1000
    Re#452
    That feels horrible reading that. That must have felt heart breaking to know that ur mother was so caught up with pleasing ur dad that she couldnt live u the way she needed to.

    ((((((((jessie 1000)))))))))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:30am

  566. 566: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson walk yourself through the dark tunnel. Maybe even tough the walls with the slime and grime. Just know that at the other end there is a beautiful meadow with your favotive flowers, sun and light. “The best way out is through”. So keep on walking by faith.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:31am

  567. 567: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    No second opinion but he expressed pleasure with the progress on Friday. I see him again tomorrow. He said the finger would turn black withered but it hadn’t started doing that. Plus I have pushed past the trauma and started making green smoothies again to help speed up the recovery. I got some chocolates from friends but have not eaten any to stay away from the effects of sugar.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:37am

  568. 568: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    fw i know i already said this, but you are magic!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:56am

  569. 569: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh FW… If anyone can heal themselves, I believe it is you. Sending you healing vibes and warm thoughts. Much love to you.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:19am

  570. 570: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Wow FW how amazing you are!!!! Sending you lots of warm vibes and look forward to hearing of your speedy recovery. x

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:25am

  571. 571: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I went into boy energy today and finally fixed the broken sink my kids’ bathroom. I didn’t think I could do it by myself, but I did and it feels really good to not need to depend on someone else!

    All of my CDs are busy today during the day and I have two offers for tonight. I hope I can keep both of them because I am missing music man a little. LP asked if we could have dinner tonight. I’m mentally preparing the speech that I need to give him which is a little scary.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:26am

  572. 572: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    (((Emerson)))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:27am

  573. 573: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, thank you for the vote of confidence… Pilot texted me to say how nice it was to meet me, would love to see me again and to let him know when I was available. I replied that it was nice meeting him to, and ask me out and I’ll do my best to be available. He replied ok thanks I will! We chatted some more and said I should come over and use the hot tub. I realized me tellin him what to do isn’t feminine… But wasn’t sure hat to say. Guess I could have said, it feels so nice to be asked out, I’ll do my best to be available.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:27am

  574. 574: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    turquoise, i think you did fine. he said “okay i will,” now you just lean back and when he does it, it will be his idea:)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:33am

  575. 575: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Ohio called me, we talked about a half hour and he wanted to let me know what he remembered a psychic had told him he would meet a woman that sounds kinda like me, a reference to loving high heels….. And that it wouldn’t stay out with o’ve the top fireworks, but that would be a really good relationship. I said I would like to see him again, am open to where it might go…. But that I feel best taking it slow and letting things grow. I need a new name for him. Planning to see him next weekend.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:34am

  576. 576: Memulo says:

    FW,

    Your spirit feels so encouraging!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:43am

  577. 577: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo.. How far away are you from him? If its only 2 weeks til you go home… Maybe instead of focusing on seeing him now, consider focusing on what it will be like when you get back.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:45am

  578. 578: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((FlowerChild))))))))))))))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:48am

  579. 579: Memulo says:

    I feel guilty for not calling him back yet. I don’t know what’s holding me. I am just busy doing small things and i don’t feel ready yet.. Been 3.5 hours since he called, over a hour since I noticed.

    I am feeling hesitant because it took him a while to get back to me lately. Even with the message that he is not coming for a visit (on Sunday) he waited till 12:20am Sunday morning. That’s 36 hours after we texted about the possibility. I feel silly counting all these hours except that when it was happening I felt really hurt.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:48am

  580. 580: Memulo says:

    Turquoise,

    It’s been a bit over a week so far and I assume another 2 weeks, but no one really knows. I am not focusing on him coming for a visit anymore because he is not for sure now;)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:51am

  581. 581: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so good working on my passions. Now I am going to cook myself some very goddessy sweet potatoes with olive oil in the oven, yum! So much love to me:)!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:54am

  582. 582: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hi FW
    I am still not sure what happened to your fingers, but i am sending you light right now.
    I am gazing at braco in a few minutes.
    i am intending for my heart to be healed and for a loving man to come into my life.
    love to all of you

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:12am

  583. 583: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie1000

    My parents made us go to sleep at 7 also, they just couldn’t deal and we had to lay there and be quiet also.

    I know how that has affected me

    hugs

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:14am

  584. 584: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i wonder if i should put these gifts from cf away, some silk flowers and a diarama (sp?) he made me for my birthday. they’re “part” of my house and I don’t feel triggered by these objects, but i wonder if it makes me creepy to keep them where they’ve always been. but i like them for what they are, regardless of who gave them to me.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:17am

  585. 585: Memulo says:

    I wouldn’t Starla unless they really bothered me. Who cares?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:19am

  586. 586: Memulo says:

    Maybe I should call back asap?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:20am

  587. 587: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I have reconnected what is happening and why I feel so flat, why Ive been isolating and even shutting down on B. I feel shut down to love from B, feeling desire for E. Love has become an act with B..not pretend but about doing things and spending time. With E I feel, everything! When I was with him I felt peace and was connected to my heart and feelings in the biggest place of love I know. I feel like a pouty little girl cuz “I dont want to!” let B into that place since E came back. This is why I feel like Im cheating and feel guilty because when I go there I feel E there and Im protecting the big field of love in my heart…where my little girl runs and plays and giggles. There is a place inside of me that feels unaccepted by B, where E accepted all of it and I brought him peace and I felt peace connected to him. I felt the biggest love with him and I feel sad that he chosing to go away. I feel like he opened the door to my love again freed my heart and my spirit and then I had to put it back on lock down…I feel locked down, caged….Im exploring this and it feels good! All of this came to me like a flood from just a picture…I feel locked away from my own heart and love. How do I open this field to B? Do I want to? Why am I protecting my field of love and openness from B..its because I cant feel him because even though he doesnt say it, I know there are things he doesnt accept in me or respect in me…I crave a deep spiritual bond but I also have not offered it. Getting into my heart and feeling all of this takes time…I realized when I spoke to E a few weeks ago, I danced..my heart felt free…
    Can I allow myself to feel this with B? We have the potential but can I or will I open that field of love to B, knowing that I still want E there and I want it to be his. Can I let both of them into the field without letting one know the other is there? B doesnt accept my love for E but is here…E accepts my love for B but is not here….
    Sirens: share with me while I dance through my field of love..its a beautiful place full of fragrant flowers, streams and animals…but its a bit overgrown because I havent visited in a while…a very long
    while…I want to nurure it but I keep running into E there…B doesnt even seem like he wants to go there with me. I will meditate tonight on this and go deeper..I think some weeds need to be pulled and I need to dance in my garden of love and see E (who is really just a part of me) he is not my soul..my soul is not his but we are a part of eachother….I want this with B if I can and if E doesnt come back. How much space does E deserve in my garden?.not much since he is away and has not returned. I see my little girl sitting in the garden..on the sidewalk overgrown with grass, sitting there with her tears because he left her sitting there waiting. Other boys want to play but she wants them to go away…shes waiting for E to come back to the garden…

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:22am

  588. 588: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I’m noticing a pattern with you that has been going on for a long while now, where you hesitate to call him back a lot. i don’t know what that is about but i bet if you asked yourself, it might help you. it keeps coming up.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:28am

  589. 589: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    I will finish walking my heart throughbthis later…I am not ready for what comes after :) This field of love…you can use it too Sirens…what does your garden or field of love look like?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:29am

  590. 590: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – woohoo! For the shaking. I think u just released some trapped trauma in your body. I’ve been shaking and spasming for the past 3 weeks as mu body is spontaneously healing . It feels … Cool now but it’s not something I’m used to seeing.

    Jerks and spasms all kind of stuff.

    Shaking would go on there. Shaking is a way animals release trauma that us humans don’t often let ride …so we don’t release it…. But now we are! Yay!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:35am

  591. 591: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aw patricia, you paint a vivid picture

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:39am

  592. 592: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Daria and Starla
    yes, when you shake you are releasing and allowing more of yourself to occupy that space….

    more room for you to own your body!

    hooray

    i felt so much more alive after i shook and i still do shake whenever i feel aroused about having sex.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:39am

  593. 593: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – ARNICA 30C – take throughout the day for faster healing, and when the wounds are sealed, use a gel or cream topically.

    Rescue Remedy if you’re still feeling shaky.

    Extra Vitamin C, silica (I prefer Jarrow brand)

    Sending you even more healing love.
    xxoo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:46am

  594. 594: Memulo says:

    Starla, thank you, just I don’t feel him to be terribly available to me, returning my texts/calls the next day sometimes. I feel neglected about finding out he is not coming today in early a.m. today lol.

    Maybe I can tell him that? To text ‘Ok thanks for letting me know. it feels sad to be informed so late.’

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:50am

  595. 595: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    594 Memulo I also feel uneasy when I get delayed replies or no replies. It’s so triggering for me. I have yet to learn how to communicate about it because it feels like I’m being “drama” which I know is not true…and is better to express…

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:52am

  596. 596: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Feminine Woman)))

    you can also get some dried comfrey and make an infusion and drink like a liter of it daily, it will help your whole body tissue repair and it can help a lot

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:54am

  597. 597: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i shook the first tiem i was getting ready to have sex! i want to feel like that again! it felt so exciting

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:56am

  598. 598: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    shaking is releasing energy from the nervous system, root chakra

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:56am

  599. 599: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    memulo, rori talks quite a bit about how important it is we receive openly and allow them to come near us, instead of treating them as though we were wondering what took them so long and are angry now.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:56am

  600. 600: Memulo says:

    Emerson,

    Actually it makes me feel sad about the neglect, but not guilty about pointing it out lol.

    I may still do it, but I think there is no rush? He is not coming, I don’t think if I call he will change his mind. I still feel guilty about not responding, like I may be perceived as ‘mad’ when the poor guy is just so sick.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:59am

  601. 601: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @545 Lilibee

    Yes, I often think that too. After he’s left, I think, oh I should’ve said this or that. I do think out body language and facial expressions say a lot, but I think it’s also nice to hear things too.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:59am

  602. 602: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so i was tapping Heart Chakra stuff and i finally healed a big one for me… that i didnt connect with these kids in kindargarten

    i was afraid to let them see me or make a noise or ‘show’ that i was awake too. so i just lay there listening to them (and feeling piny and jealous and judgemental)

    i was afraid id be rejected if i did make a noise

    so i finally realized i was feeling shy and it was due to the way i learned to relate up till then

    so i didnt actually need to keep this as an example of when i didnt do it right whre someone else might have, and got to compassion for me

    and now i dont feel so desperate to be included

    i feel like i am, like just sweet and good

    right after i felt sooooo relieved omg

    so i feel excited of the impact this is going to have on me now!

    this was huge for me

    go #TeamHealLoneliness

    im not the outcast anymore!

    wowie!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:01pm

  603. 603: Memulo says:

    Starla, so you think I shouldn’t even mention him texting me so late at night that he is not coming?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:07pm

  604. 604: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah, i think it would be MUCH healthier for you both to just express how you’re feeling missing him, period. Like “Oh, I feel so sad hearing we won’t see each other. One of your hugs would feel amazing right about now:)” and then change the subject/shift your focus, girl.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:14pm

  605. 605: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hehe i feel flattered … man :

    “(smile)…..see i guess i almost missed out…lol i tried multiple tymes to talk myself out of messaging you…lol i know how this online thing is and the fact that yur VERY attractive i know yur inbox be full as it is……i honestly didnt think i’d get a response back from you….for whatever reason…lol but im glad you messaged me back….(wink)…

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:17pm

  606. 606: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson

    I can soooo relate to you with the flaky men and the ones that just poof into thin air, I am finding it REALLY difficult to even get a ******* date. :(

    I know what you mean about when there is NOBODY waiting in the wings, nobody who REALLY cares about you in a romantic way, it just feels so damn lonely and I so CANNOT relate to Sirens who are practising with men who love them. :(

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:20pm

  607. 607: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i did the booty roll like Emoticon on the bridge and CD was there and he got ‘aroused’ lol

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:23pm

  608. 608: Memulo says:

    Starla,

    may I ask why? Don’t you think it is rude to let me know over text at 12:20am that he is not coming the same day?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:37pm

  609. 609: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    My girlfriend said Mr. Observant from last night is a nice guy, but has major issues and she would highly recommend to not even consider.

    I attract all the guys with issues.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:41pm

  610. 610: Memulo says:

    GivingGirl,

    Sometimes it pays not to listen to anyone’s opinion about a guy, especialy a vague one. or even if with details.. People can be mistaken, have an agenda or different priorities from yours

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:44pm

  611. 611: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    memulo, i’m sorry cuz i missed something. did he say he was definitely coming, but then texted you in the middle of the night to say he’s not?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:49pm

  612. 612: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    Yes, That’s exactly what I did with Boat Guy, and he isn’t what everyone thinks. He has issues too though. Heck, I have issues. However, I’m feeling like things are over since he hasn’t contacted me since Wed.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 12:51pm

  613. 613: Memulo says:

    Starla,

    Nope, he said that Sunday to Wed would be the best time but he is sick – that was on Friday. I said something sweet&funny that I can’t wait till he gets better and that I just read him a book outloud to help his recovery (of course him being in the US he didn’t hear me reading lol). He texted something back. It felt undecided.

    Then the next I know was to get a text late at night: Hi, miss you, sick. and his name. He only says hi when he feels guilty. Never signs his text. Then at 10am today he called and left a VM asking to call him back.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:04pm

  614. 614: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I’m trying to decide how I’m going to act and what I’m going to say if Boat Guy contacts me. Right now, I’m feeling mad, neglected, and unimportant.I hope it’s only my NV’s making me feel like this and not a vibe I’m receiving from him. I feel if he contacts me I may have an attitude. I really want things to work out because I really like him and I’ve fallen in love with parts of him. I realize he’s been on vacation this past week and I don’t expect him to be in total contact with me, but things aren’t sitting well with me.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:11pm

  615. 615: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sirens,

    Quick one – What do you make of this?

    HAman came over this past Wednesday. We spent the evening together. He showed me pics of his childhood. He kissed me. We ate pizza and drank wine. I made my speech. He listened. After, we chatted a bit. He still leaned forward, kissed me, held hands. He thanked me for the conversation. Anyway, then I needed him to leave coz of the time. He did not say he would call me. Nonetheless, I have not heard from him now in 4 days.

    I was not trying to control the outcome. If anything, I just feel good that I got to say what was in my heart and now I feel more free about it. I felt good with the speech, didn’t make him wrong and didn’t break the four rules.

    Anyhow, it feels like he’s gone quiet. I suppose I feel curious about whether I did something or I got it wrong? Or if anyone has had this experience before?

    I’m focusing on myself and how I can CD more. I feel better…. I feel confused though about whether I got wrong :( … sounds like judging myself… :( I love myself more :)

    Anyhow, please do share your insights?

    Thanks.

    xoxo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:16pm

  616. 616: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Memulo

    He probably is feeling guilty for not being up to seeing you.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:17pm

  617. 617: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    Give the guy a break…be loving to him and yourself. All is good. No huge expectations. You had to leave town. Make it an adventure and not about how much he does or doesn’t care about you. Relax…..take a bubble bath see some sights.

    Sending you some feel good vibes!

    Starbright

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:17pm

  618. 618: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Queenbee

    What was your speech?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:20pm

  619. 619: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, from what I can see, you’re developing expectations before he leads you there, and you’re really thirsty to control the outcome. You’re in a town far away, so I’d go to a bar or event by myself and let a stranger flirt with me that i’m unlikely to ever have to deal with again if i didn’t feel like it :D

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:21pm

  620. 620: Memulo says:

    GIRLS

    Thank you;)

    I just called him and it turned out not to be scary;) He was asleep, said he was sleeping the whole day. He was really sweet, called me sweetie (he calls his boy that too), asked what I’ve been doing. Said I have a good chance with my test that I am studying for (~40% pass rate) since he has about 10% pass rate for people he finds interesting enough to go out with and I passed that easily;) I said ‘I have probably 1% pass rate but the truth is I never thought about it that way’.

    But his first question was……

    What are you wearing?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:35pm

  621. 621: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Dominique and Daria

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:39pm

  622. 622: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, Siren Island…;)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:42pm

  623. 623: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    gingersky! hello, beautiful!:)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:53pm

  624. 624: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, Starla:) This is my flattering look, lol… later on I’ll post a more raw pic that shows how I actually look like I should be Conan O’Brien’s sister (seriously)! :D

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 1:58pm

  625. 625: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, thank you for your compliment:)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 2:01pm

  626. 626: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #615 Queenbee, I def had this experiene before, and Rori speaks to it I believe, in some of her materials. He may be figuring out how he feels, processing what you said, busy etc. No telling. Could be anything. He’s been asked to step up by you. In one way or another he is figuring or has decided how he feels about that.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 2:05pm

  627. 627: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    @618 – Hi GivingGirl, thank you for asking.

    I thanked him for coming to see me to talk etc. Then the crux of the speech was that ‘when we were getting to know each other I noticed a pattern that we only see each other on the weekdays. I felt like a time-server-weekday-f buddy. I felt bad and I didn’t want to feel bad with him. What do you think?’

    He said he didn’t want a pattern either. He prefers things to happen naturally and wanting to see someone coz of feelings until you find that you just see them all the time.

    I said ok. We chatted a bit. He held my hands, kissed me and left.

    Perhaps, it’s nothing I need to worry about. I felt really powerful saying it and I felt good and heard. I still feel that way.

    Perhaps he will just turnaround at one point and decide randomly that he wants to be with me and will start to pursue me fiercely. Mmmh, I would not be surprised. All the other times though, I’ve been bored, suspicious and fed up by the time he turns around that I’m not exactly the invitation. More like, I think he’s pretending, ugh, can’t be bothered, here we go again.

    Maybe I just need to practice leaning back, exploring my options etc.

    Ugh, I’ve got major NVs going now about my ability to magnetize a man. Ick!!

    I am the yummy pie! :)

    Thanks GG. What do you make of it?

    xoxo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 2:08pm

  628. 628: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    GingerSky – Im practicing keeping focused on my ‘flattering look’

    it feels really challenging! Im like, that’s really, me, but i feel unsure and my heart feels trembly

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 2:09pm

  629. 629: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Gingersky…
    FW..I hope you’re feeling better.
    Im feeling much better after tanning a bit, Im working out and then finishing up painting my bathroom..Yay me :)
    Happiness is feeling strong and successful..beautiful and creative. Im so glad I have that with me at all times..focus ing on me…not on either of them. I am chosing here and now to feel excited for what the future holds instead of overwhelmed. I believe for a second that I forgot I am the prize…and E will still have to show hes deserving. I will however tell B that E and I talked..this will invite B into my field and he will know E is there. I will also talk to B about the disconnect I feel and how unaccepted I feel at times. This will invite a deeper connection and I will be able to see if hes capable of it. If not then no matter how good he is to me, I may have to go back to CDing. I am me with or without the approval or connection of a man..yay me again!!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 2:14pm

  630. 630: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    @626 – Hi GingerSky. Gorgeous! I love your pic.

    Thanks for your reply. Probably so. You are probably right. It feels about right and yes, does call for him to step up.

    Mmmh, so interesting…. I feel better now :)

    Thanks again.

    xoxo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 2:16pm

  631. 631: lkNo Gravatar says:

    hello, gingersky : ) congratulations on your long run, brandy lion – i feel inspired : )))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 2:27pm

  632. 632: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    @Queenbee..is that what you really want? Is just drifting and letting things flow naturally a way to say..Yes I dont mind just being your friend and having you come and go as you please? I feel really icky reading that and then seeing that you question you did something or said something “wrong” you agreed to set the tone at “no pattern” and judged yourself when there wasnt a pattern? I feel curious about that…hmmm Do you really have no expectations or is there a boundary you need to put up? I know for me I feel all neglected when a CD doesnt txt or call in a few days to the degree that I replaced him on the 4th day if he didnt. I feel fabulous that when I was CDing and single my matto was (and still is) “What you give to me depends on you, what you get from me depends on you.” I was very clear I wanted marraige because that was a priority and ruled out anyone that didnt share in that. I took all of the guessing out of the situation and only CDed men that were possibilities.
    In general it hurts me to see people who dont know what they want or hurt themselves by not asking for it.
    Not saying thats you…but I was just curious and everyone has their own way…happy CDing Siren

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 2:34pm

  633. 633: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i have been having a million and one breakthroughs lately:)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 2:50pm

  634. 634: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    @633 – Hi Starla, that feels great to hear! Good for you :)

    xoxo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:15pm

  635. 635: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #628 (((( Daria’s heart ))))

    My flattering look came from playing with the lighting, using the bathroom to take pics a lot in whichever house I’ve lived in bc the light was better, and applying mineral makeup first (absolutely essential for me in photos), lol. And getting myself into a mental/emo space where I could let my heart show through… esp during a lot of pain mixed with bliss & joy in my time w NSM (this pic was from late last summer).

    You are *so* beautiful inside & out, Daria, it is imo your strength, depthfulness, intensity, raw truth, honesty, breeziness, survival, animal magnetism (?), intelligence, child side mixed with adult side, wisdom, caring, sensitivity, tough tenderness and so much more which make you undeniably very, very *beautiful*. No matter what. I’m serious, you are amazing I think. Because of who you are, I feel it will take a man of extraordinary scope & depth to sufficiently appreciate & be able to hang with you:) D*mn, I’m so looking forward to hearing about the man who’s awesome enough to walk beside you in support & sharing… he’ll undoubtedly be one amazing heck of a man!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:16pm

  636. 636: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #628 Daria, imo you can let go & there’s not a thing you can do about your being beautiful one way or the other… you *just are*:)

    (((( Sirens ))))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:19pm

  637. 637: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #629 Patricia, *thank you*. I’m up & down. Grateful for the important things in life.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:20pm

  638. 638: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #630 & #631 Queenbee, thank you! Hello, lk! :)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:22pm

  639. 639: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    @632 – Hi Patricia, thanks for your message and thank you for your concern. Yes, you were right to pick up on that. I understand the point you are making, though I did not feel the need or necessity to get into it as the ‘what happens next’ is not the point.

    I believe GingerSky hit the nail on the head @626 and I’m noticing my own NVs that got me worried in the first place.

    I feel better now. Thanks again.

    xoxo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:22pm

  640. 640: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i was so brown and dark haired as a child… and green eyed… i wonder about that change

    did i realize i was “white” and got whiter? when did that happen… maybe around 11

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:26pm

  641. 641: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #627 Queenbee, my story of him from whwat you said here is that he may not be the type to ever pursue anyone fiercely… it may turn out that he has easygoing traits that you like & which are worth adjusting to, even though he may prefer to comfortably just slide in to a regular relationship instead of being very pursue-y…? What do you think? What would work for you? Maybe if it turns out that he steps up, you won’t care about what isn’t there bc so much other great stuff will be?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:26pm

  642. 642: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i want to brown my skin again and see what effects i feel for my health and eyes and hair

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:27pm

  643. 643: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its about 20 years since i got really brown

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:27pm

  644. 644: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    not worth adjusting to! DONT ADJUST YOURSELF FOR A MAN! it won;t work

    let him pursue

    you want a man who DOES pursue YOU!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:29pm

  645. 645: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    @632 – Patricia – just wanted to add #639, I meant that I did not feel the need to get into it on the blog… not with him. I mentioned that we chatted a bit, which included that point and what I want.

    Thanks again.

    xoxo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:29pm

  646. 646: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oops jumped into TellEmWatTODO mode hmm

    i wonder what ‘happened’

    i felt bad and panicked reading something and jumped out

    of my body and feelings to TellEmWatTODO

    (((Daria)))

    sorry everyone for the disrespect!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:30pm

  647. 647: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you GingerSky for the lovely words about me :)

    Im practicing believing that ANY man would want to and can be my man… I feel scared I won’t find “that one who can keep up with me” and I don’t want to feel that way

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:31pm

  648. 648: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling shaky n pouty

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:33pm

  649. 649: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee, if I have *lots* of compatibility with a man as far as habits, food preferences, common rythms around the house & in our daily life, and he does nivce things for me & shows appreciation, I suddenly feel *really* grounded & don’t need the pursuing… it’s like a slow drawn out kind of pursuit. And that feels *very very* GOOD.

    I only wish all this w NSM had resulted in sticking together, which wasn’t to be bc he seriously is dedicated to having many relationshps & we’re super-compatible & yet super incompatible… now Adele is playing where I am… Set Fire To The Rain… yeah, that’s my song. I accidentally purchased her whole CD when I first got my Kindle & had to spend ages getting it taken off my debit card, but then got to keep the CD anyway for free for awhile. It fit & was totally destined to be my music for awhile.

    Thanks for letting me mope & whine & hurt here, Sirens. Please don’t let it bring any of you down, seriously… I just need to pursue this till I come out the other side & posting here helps. I’ve always swithced my feelings & gotten over things fast most of the time all my life & am trying something different & more lasting & authentic now. I’m working through lots of lifelong stuff but I’m fine:)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:33pm

  650. 650: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    @644 – Daria, thanks! I remember what you said to me before HAman came to visit. All about getting my focus off of him and CDing…. and then I talked about my ‘situation’ and how complicated CDing men/ dates is.

    Nonetheless, I’ve been baby stepping and becoming more uncaged :) It may take a tad bit more for me to get what I want and may be slightly unconventional, but I’m not stuck. It feels good and I’m enjoying exploring my options. Who knows, the man for me may come from afar :)

    Thanks again!

    xoxo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:38pm

  651. 651: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #647 Daria… yeah, I get that:) I agree. And fwiw I believe with *all* my being that being your own sweet spicy hurting triumphant self in every way you/we can, without trying too hard etc, will *magnetize* our mate or choices of mates… the fear we won’t find (or actually, that he won’t find *us*) and the roots of that fear may be the thing to work on… gently & with lots of love to ourself? What do you think?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:39pm

  652. 652: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    The fear in my image of it generates a smell that somewhat covers our own scent he is so dedicatedly tracking to find us… fear can’t be denied, but must be worked through, to free its twisted energy so it can go back to just neutral nourishing available free energy… to let the fear be there, yet without the twistedness.. so it doesn’t block him out… as he climbs through the thorns to join his Princess… me.

    This is part of my fairy tale.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:43pm

  653. 653: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    One and one is 3 and thats how i came to be

    trickster in this world

    weaving the story i told to tell

    again each time twisted and unraveled in strings

    I am the weaver i am the woven one i am trikster and I solicit a mate

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:43pm

  654. 654: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Aww (((((GingerSky))))

    Sending you lots of Siren love on your healing journey.

    xoxo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:44pm

  655. 655: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and Queenbee, in addition to those comfy common rythms, there must be LOTS of passion, desire between us & compatibility MAJORLY in that dept too!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:44pm

  656. 656: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ginger Sky – that feels a bit confusing reading your post to me… to me him ‘doing nice things for me and showing appreciation’ IS pursuing…

    ?:\ it feels uncomfortable to read I don’t need the pursuing, I’m hearing “I don’t need to feel wanted ” … that feels awful

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:46pm

  657. 657: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm, treating myself to some Haagen-Dazs Mayan Chocolate ice cream.

    I don’t get it often, only when it’s on special.

    I feel I deserve it after the weekend I had.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:46pm

  658. 658: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #653 Daria, you are such a part of my consciousness from this blog, I awoke the other night dreaming elaborate, deep & deeply colorful dreams that you were an amazing poet & publishing & traveling around signing books. Your poetry is good, and you are it. Yuo are the artist of you… as we all are… and surrendered to whatever forces (Creator?) which we wish to collaborate with as we sculpt & paint ourselves…

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:47pm

  659. 659: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Queenbee))) – when i CD men just to practice being in front of ANY man in my feminine, men who are NOT long term potential even better… more challenging to be honest and open about what I feel uncomfortable with…

    thats how I’m growing my powers of attraction and pulling men out the woodwork! and some I do feel turned on by, more and more of those

    I’m really feeling happy writing this and excited to practice even MORE being honest with the men I’m getting!

    YAY me

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:50pm

  660. 660: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #656 Daria, thanks for saying what you felt… that feels very good to me… and I meant that post to Queenbee… did I mess it up & put your name on it? I was in a story about her guy saying he just wanted to let the relationship happen, etc. And feeling very very wanted is important to me too… it has to be part of it, yes!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:50pm

  661. 661: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    @657 – Hi Francesca, Enjoy :) I’m jealous… yummy.

    xoxo

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:54pm

  662. 662: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #656 Yeah, Daria, doing nice things IS pursuing… I may be foggy in my brain right now for several challenging reasons, so may not be making sense? I was responding to my story about Queenbee saying she hoped he’d pursue fiercely at some point… it triggered me in a way about my own reality… at age 50, comfort becomes more attractive & actually extremely sexy, whereas when I was younger & super-social & energetic, I wanted more fierce pursuing & expected it (but hardly ever waited for it, bc I was always leaning forward & didnt know it).

    Does this make sense? I don’t mind if what I write triggeres you in any direction, if it’s helpful for you… but it wouldn’t feel good to think I just carelessly dissed your reality or your truth.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 3:54pm

  663. 663: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    And, Daria, NSM did a lot of nice things for me but with a **very** detached & kind of impersonal vibe much or all of the time. So I learned to be okay with that… found myself processing about the differences in fierce pursuing energy & detached passive interest energy… he just doesn’t have the personality or disposition or energy to be pursuing in the usual way… and is rather pffhanded and detached even while very passionate in some areas. He has a kind of poly vibe that love is just to be given to whomever is in his radar at the time… and I wanted it to be **PERSONAL** in the way I AM in love. His nice acts didn’t feel pursue-y, so I told myself that was okay & I valued his detachment bc it gave me room to breathe, and his intensity and passion was so strong, but not at all in the way we assume men are & how most people react & show love… it felt SO detached. And it was. Like he kept trying to tell me, even as he said he was coming into a personal place with it. Like I’ve said, he’s odd. Or maybe it’s just how it feels when more monogamous person & a more semi-poly person fall so in love w each other.

    And can’t get on the same page.

    But I’m just processing my own stuff here. Whatever I write is my story… use it if it’s useful… swallow the fruit & spit out the seeds:)

    Ah… another Adele song from that CD.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:05pm

  664. 664: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ginger Sky what a treat to see your lovely photo! :-)

    I’ve been thinking about Recycled and how seeing him seems to have triggered me in a negative way …and is this a way of spurring a healing process that was unfinished or is it just good old fashioned unhealthy relating to someone??? I’m seriously thinking about changing my number, I cut the tie with him before, so to speak, but he always comes back and contacts me and by then I’ve softened, agree to see him…etc etc and the pattern starts again.

    I also realized that this weird, sad, empty hopeless feeling started after the relationship with ToxicEx ended and I was very attached to one of his children. I lost everything. Well this feeling, it never quite went away.

    That was literally 5 years ago and when I met Recycled 4 years ago, I was in such a bad place. I let him in my life because he eased my pain…it was not REAL but it eased my pain to be with him….. so WTF is my problem. Will I never get over these things???

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:08pm

  665. 665: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #644 Daria, yes, I didn’t like my word “adjusting” there either.

    What I’m thinking of is more like when I crave a certain flavor, and then get a different one that is so nourishing to my soul, that I forget the strong one I was just craving bc it doesn’t matter anymore. That kind of “adjusting” is part of my journey as I get away from “artificial flavors” I may crave & become more authentically me & take good care of myself. And as I’ve said before to you (2 years ago?), please riff away on *anything* I say in any way you want to, it’s fine with me… it’s all fodder for our growth as Sirens imo… 4 Aggreements;)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:13pm

  666. 666: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, it feels **really** really good to feel & think of getting away from artificial flavors I may crave & be more authentically who I am, and take good care of me… and lol now the song playing is “And You Take Me The Way I Am”

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:14pm

  667. 667: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    Should I go to the bar tonight to see music man by myself? He wants me to come but I am worried that he won’t be able to spend much time with me. This is probably nerves because he does make time for me even when hes DJing. What do you all think?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:15pm

  668. 668: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #664 Emerson, lol, it’s always so nice, a sI’ve said to you before, anytime I see your lovely pink shoe too!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:15pm

  669. 669: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #639 & #654 Queenbee, you are most welcome:) and thank you for sending me healing energy! I receive.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:19pm

  670. 670: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Ginger. :-)

    I’m feeling tired of processing and I know there is more to come…and I’m scared of it and I feel myself reisisting it.

    I see families that are out having fun and look so happy and I have voices telling me “you will never have that, it’s too late for you and it will never happen” and then I feel so sad and JEALOUS and sorry for myself. Help.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:20pm

  671. 671: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Ginger Sky . I am indeed an amazing being

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:22pm

  672. 672: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #646 Daria, just to be sure I say all I want to to you, I have never felt disrespected by you.

    In fact, if you railed on me I’d feel privileged to be part of your story and we could process together, which is what I’d like if that ever happened… I don;t walk away from people bc of conflict… and also I too have to pull back from my often very directive energy (obviously) which is very frustrating to me, bc I know it comes form so much violence in my childhood, and I can get out of hand with it.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:23pm

  673. 673: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca – you Always deserve anything you want, not just when you’ve had a bad/intense/successful event

    i’ve chosen to believe this for myself and my self esteem has majorly shifted.

    (((Francesca)))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:23pm

  674. 674: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #671 Daria, yes you totally are:)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:24pm

  675. 675: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #671 Daria, or rather I would do better to remove the directiveness and judgment from my way of saying it, and say, yes, I agree with you, and I also see you as amazing too!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:25pm

  676. 676: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #670 ((((( Emerson )))))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:27pm

  677. 677: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going now… am emailing a recipe to Dominiqe. Love to all. Emerson, I wish I could help you… just remember that the NVs are LYING.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:30pm

  678. 678: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Starla, for flossing my teeth
    Thank you for cooking me food
    Thank you for putting a yogurt mask on my face
    Thank you for translating two songs today, that felt so fun!! I love doing that!!
    Thank you for clipping and filing my fingernails
    Thank you for making my bed. It feels so peaceful relaxing on my zen green and white bed, working on creative projects
    Thank you for honoring me and refusing to let me feel not good enough.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:31pm

  679. 679: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    And Emerson, what was it someone posted recently, I think it was FW?

    Give the NVs a cookie, put them to bed like the unruly children they are… and more…

    …or walk them outside & let them go (till they disappear as a speck on the horizon, traveling in the opposit direction to you… my words)… I really liked that one a lot.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:33pm

  680. 680: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:34pm

  681. 681: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson ((((((((Emerson))))))))))) if it helps, remember that you have a freedom those people you are jealous of do not have. Do not squander it with feelings of regret. The faster you get to appreciating your freedom and taking full advantage of it, the faster the gap will close and you will have exactly the right romantic/family life you’ve been hoping for.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:34pm

  682. 682: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    One more word… RAISE YOUR FREQUENCY…

    …HA HA! and now the song playing is that old bluesy one I love so much, At Last by Etta James..!

    Aaaaaaahh… Emerson, this one’s for you, and all the Siren’s out in Siren Land… link coming shortly, so stay tuned… ;)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:36pm

  683. 683: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – for me it ‘changed my life’ and actually my mind and my perception when my godson’s mom’s GRANDMOTHER wound up adopting a baby girl left at her house by a woman who was hardcore addicted to drugs and not living a life she wanted for her daughter

    and they’re raising my baby as my Goddaughter :)

    and then guywho, after like 3 years of knowing him closely, told me him and his sister are adopted

    it ‘blew my mind’ and inspired me that i NEVER will have to lack for a family … I can always adopt a child or raise a child and IT IS ok ! and it IS close and intimate and loving and my family

    that felt BIG for me

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:37pm

  684. 684: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    BIG TIME REASSURING

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:37pm

  685. 685: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm that feels bad for me. I don’t want to bleieve that family life equals less freedom. I choose family equals MORE freedom, feel good freedom for me

    Thank you.

    I LOVE freedom.

    Freedom is a beautiful name for a a daughter or son for me

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:38pm

  686. 686: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “And, Daria, NSM did a lot of nice things for me but with a **very** detached & kind of impersonal vibe much or all of the time. So I learned to be okay with that… ”

    ouch… feels so sad. I don’t want to learn to be ok with that. Feels sad to read about :(

    aww poor Gingersky

    feeling angry

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:40pm

  687. 687: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Here, Sirens… I invite you to join me as I meditate, chew, swallow, exegete, & wallow in *this* simple & yummy energy…

    …esp for Emerson, me, & Starla… & anyone else in heartache over a man & being lonely right now… lotsa love (hope this link works)…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1uunRdQ61M&feature=related

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:43pm

  688. 688: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s another one, just for kicks… I grew up on this music…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHS8LAqHyHs&feature=related

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:54pm

  689. 689: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @627 Queenbee

    Perhaps. I think you handled things well. I would lean back and see what he does with it. He knows how you feel. I know us women read into a lot of things that men are kind of clueless about and they think we are overthinking. Most of the time, they are probably right. I know how hard it is to not have contact for what seems like eternity and and like something is wrong. Then, they show up again like nothing happened and we are left wondering what that was all about. Easier said than done, but just sit back and wait. He may be thinking about what you said and digesting it. He may just be busy with other things. I’m sure he will contact you, I don’t see any reason why he wouldn’t.

    I’ve been in similar situations with BoatGuy. I, however, didn’t handle it as well as you did and pushed him away. It’s also been 4 days since he’s contacted me and I feel very insecure about it.

    Good luck!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 4:59pm

  690. 690: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #686 Daria, thank you… you brought tears to my eyes…

    Yeah, I got okay with it bc I don’t know anything else yet I guess… either I’ve had guys want to passionately be with me but they were smothery, hobbling to me & not in my league intelligence-wise etc, and wanted me to better their life (as if, lol). Or I wind up being that one in the relationship… and didnt’ at all know how to give FMs.

    NSM was often *extremely* attentive, extremely passionate, perfect, wonderful, etc… and it kept me sticking around in the relationship for sure! I just projected onto him my own timeframe and my own way of being in relationship… and it’s not his.

    Daria, it makes me feel very very good to feel you feeling bad for me, on my behalf. Like wow.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 5:01pm

  691. 691: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, it was such a mixture with him… like how Rori describes Toxic Men… often extremely romantic, but then not…? Thank you for your words.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 5:02pm

  692. 692: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @632

    When a man says, “I like to let things happen naturally”, it feels icky to me too. It sounds like it would be a good thing, but I’m not sure it is. I often wonder if that’s a way for a man to keep things not serious and not moving forward. Or as a way to make it seem like the woman is pressuring him. I don’t know.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 5:05pm

  693. 693: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #685 Daria, I have 3 friends named Freedom. One woman and two men:) And it fits them too.

    Okay, back to email… I’m having synchronicities on email… and I *love* synchronicities.

    Love to you Daria, and to everyone… love to Rori. Love to me.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 5:05pm

  694. 694: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Blog is pretty quiet tonight. Finished my art homework for tomorrow. I’ve been so tired today, took a 2 hour nap and was still exhausted. I was out last night until 2, but woke up at 7 and I think that screwed me up for the day.

    I have lots of NVs going on in my head today. I wish I could turn them off like a faucet. My house was clean this morning, but after my parents came over it’s a mess again. That always happens when they visit.

    I was telling my mom how I think I’m gluten sensitive cause I didn’t eat it for a while and now I have the past 2 weeks and I’ve been breaking out like crazy, I had beer last night and woke up all congested. She said to me, stop being so strange. WTH does that mean? I said to her, Strange?? and she said, stop doing things to make you strange. I have no idea what she was talking about, but I felt icky by it.

    I ate PB on rice cakes for breakfast and both my parents turned their nose up to it as if I should be punished for eating it. I can’t ever just feel accepted by them, EVER!

    Well, heading to bed and hopefully won’t be so tired tomorrow. Good night!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:39pm

  695. 695: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Gingersky,

    Is that you on the pic? You are beautiful!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 6:41pm

  696. 696: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    ((((giving girl)))) maybe they think giving up gluten us strange? I know some older women who will say, I always ate that… Never hurt me… Type comments. Being modern or trying new things feels foreign or uncomfortable to them. I’m sorry they are critical. I know that hurts.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:13pm

  697. 697: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Every time my mother comes over she comments that the way I have my living room arranged looks too bare. I like it this way, it is a large room.. I don’t want it to look cluttered. I feel frustrated that she needs to share her opinion with me repeatedly, but let it roll off my back, just her opinion. Her living room is wall to wall furniture and I feel stressed in that environment. Maybe mine feels stressful to her.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:33pm

  698. 698: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    giving girl,

    i have the same thing with gluten. it messes with my mood big time.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:34pm

  699. 699: Memulo says:

    Starla,

    Thank you for your advice;) I feel so happy I didn’t make a scene over the phone! He just called again out of the blue saying that he missed me. And I think I will stop panicking from now on when he says I am ‘nice’. I feel he means it with love, not that I am foolish and easy to manipulate. And he also said that if he gets better before I can go back he will come to see me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Without even me asking or hinting!!!!!!!!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:37pm

  700. 700: Memulo says:

    Turquoise, I like unfurnished space in my apartment too lol.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:41pm

  701. 701: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo…. What else is happening in your life? Do you have sisters, a best friend? What do you love to do? Did you start the new job? I feel concerned that your laser focus on him and the relationship is keeping it off yourself. I hear you saying the same things over and over…. And while it does sound like it’s progressing…. I feel worried for your happiness. If you have a big, full amazing life, I want to hear about that too. If not, I want to hear that you are out there looking for one!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:48pm

  702. 702: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Ohio just asked me to go to a concert with him, in November. So much for taking it slow. He likes to talk about the ifs… If this works out, if we are dating, if I sell my house and move there….. Oh boy.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:51pm

  703. 703: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Hi

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 7:53pm

  704. 704: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi radlove!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:04pm

  705. 705: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Gluten is found in which foods? Hmmm, interesting what it does to mood.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:04pm

  706. 706: Memulo says:

    Tuquoise,

    You are right, I am a psycho;) To answer your question, I just study 5-6 hours a day while waiting to start my new job. So no big things happening, except I feel so happy to spend time with my parents.

    Yes, I am focusing on him, but not because I don’t have better things to do, I really care;)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:05pm

  707. 707: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    But Memulo, you should care more about yourself….. And we all have men in our lives we really care about and love, but by shifting our focus and not obsessing over 1 man…. Makes us much more confident.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:15pm

  708. 708: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    lilibee,

    gulten’s in wheat and related grains. once i cut wheat out of my diet, upped my protein and my fat, i lost most of belly fat and my mood became super-stable…it happened in less than 10 days. i will never go back to eating wheat on a regular basis.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:51pm

  709. 709: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens :)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:52pm

  710. 710: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    hi jilly!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:53pm

  711. 711: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm, I fell asleep a few hours ago and just woke up. It feels really strange to even have the time to do that… I took care of me and i took care of my home and projects and then i had the luxury of catching a nap. <3 to me.

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:57pm

  712. 712: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song, whatever happened with your guy?

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:58pm

  713. 713: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Just poppin in to see what’s going on here :)

    Siren Song…I love that you found something so easy to “fixed” that helped you feel better :) I also don’t eat very much wheat. I do some sprouted grains and a little oatmeal (I love oatmeal)!!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 8:59pm

  714. 714: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise you are rocking it!! :)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:00pm

  715. 715: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee…I loved reading your posts on what is now going on with D…and he’s a hockey player?? yum!!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:01pm

  716. 716: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    oops…meant “fix” :)

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:02pm

  717. 717: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Rugby Man is still my prince charming :) Things still feel really good. We are going camping with two other couples this weekend..he is planning it. This is what I’ve always wanted…to do these kinds of things with a man and to be social. And he makes sure that my needs are taken care of. :)

    I feel super blessed. There are moments that I feel nervous…like this is too good…how can it last?? But then I remember the waterwheel tool and I AM the yummy pie and it switches my vibe pretty fast. I’m practicing trusting the Universe more and more. I love my “notes from the Universe” every morning!!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:12pm

  718. 718: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    haven’t visited CF’s/his sister’s fb page even once today. They both often appear in the friends box on my wall, but I don’t even click their names. What a huge change in me! This relationship has really shown me how far I’ve come. I am doing really good, all things considered!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 9:39pm

  719. 719: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    hey starla,

    he came back and was great for about 4 days, then got really busy with work and started acting really distant (not the way he usually is). i’d been feeling weird about the whole thing since he went into the hospital a couple of months ago. he’s been so so angry and it’s like beyond anything i can deal with…with rants and yelling and throwing things.

    he kept saying he was mad about cding. he won’t set a date, but he doesn’t want me to see other people. he says if i date other people we are done.

    well, ok, i guess we’re done.

    i just kind of dropped the relationship ball. he had been sending me angry emails, but i stopped responding because they became disrespectful.

    i don’t feel sad about it. i don’t want to be invested without a firm commitment and i really feel like the anger was unhealthy. adoring me is basic requirement now. i can’t believe i ever got to that place! it feels awesome.

    i feel sooooo tired of that whole situation.

    i’m starting to see a very nice guy who has a happy, gentle, confident vibe and am dating a guy from my past who’s always been in the background…it’s helping me focus on the here and now…

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:03pm

  720. 720: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    yay starla!

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:03pm

  721. 721: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Daria)))))

    my neighbor CD is all stepping up for me and comforting me and not letting me be alone when i say i will feel lonely and dont want to feel that way

    awww
    (((me)))

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:39pm

  722. 722: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    daria, that’s cool

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:41pm

  723. 723: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i got soft lilac colored clothes! ,mmm Goddess…

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:49pm

  724. 724: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – I think I missed it – how did everything go with the email hacking/internet scam? Did it get resolved yet??

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 10:52pm

  725. 725: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel…on the verge of something. Not tears, exactly. Though I guess I wished I felt something strongly enough to cry right now. But I don’t. I feel…just a little bit left hanging. Like if you stuck your hand up in the air to hi-five someone, and they just didn’t do anything back. It’s not exactly like that, but that’s the feeling – kind of like, “Really? Seriously? After all of that? You’ve got to be kidding me…”

    I felt a little bit mad, and I realized, looking at his arm, that I almost always feel mad where sex is concerned. If I have had sex recently, then there is a good chance that I feel angry, and possibly for no good reason. (Though I might have *many* reasons. But they probably all conflict…)

    So, basically, I feel angry if I have sex. And I feel even more angry/annoyed, if I have sex, and I am not “satisfied” i.e. have an orgasm.

    But on the other hand, even though I made kind of a big deal out of it, and it was important to me what happened, ultimately, it’s not. Ultimately, it’s fine, and I’m going to go to bed, and get up in the morning, and go to the gynecologist, who will penetrate me with the whatchamacallit thingy. Oh, that’s hot.

    I’m actually kind of glad that there was not full-on sex sex, because then she might know. Yikes ! lol.

    Full confession: I actually thought about OM/VM while I was with this guy.

    We were just “hooking up,” and there’s no illusion that he’s ever going to promise me a relationship. I was just going to use him for sex tonight, but it didn’t really turn out that way. He actually thought I had an orgasm, when I didn’t. So i guess he figured I was satisfied, and I wasn’t. But anyway. We had the “talk” afterward. Or we had a talk.

    I was upset, so he asked me what was wrong. I told him that I felt confused about why I didn’t hear from him much, and then when I did, it was always so nice, and I liked it. But that I wished it was more frequent.

    *Cue starting in with the “I’m so busy” line*

    He’s not too busy for his son. He’s not too busy to go to the gym every day. And who knows how many “friends” he has. He knows this isn’t really what I want. And I’ve been accepting it, using it for my purposes. But now that it doesn’t serve me, I don’t think that I want it. He’s really cute, and sexy, but it doesn’t do anything for me.

    And when I thought about VM, I was comparing how, even when he touched me a little bit, it got me excited. This guy was touching me a lot, and it felt good, but there was no thrill. It was all very perfunctory. It was to serve a purpose. Just not *my* purpose.

    So I think I called it off. I’m not exactly sure. He said “see you later,” and I said, “no, thanks, that’s okay.”

    After he left, I felt bad. I called after him to say thank you (he had bought me something nice – plus, dinner, plus driving all the way out to see me. It was nice.)

    I don’t know what it is. I don’t know why I always have to make guys wrong. I don’t know what the hangup is, or why it seems they can never please me. It seems like nothing any guy does is ever enough for me. They’ll do so much, and it feels great. And the minute I realize they are really giving to me, I start to become demanding. I start DEMANDING that they give to me, instead of them just voluntarily doing it. I don’t know where that switch happens. I just know it gets flipped, and all of a sudden I feel like a vampire that’s just out for blood – and I need them to leave before I suck them dry…. : (

    My friend K the other night was right – vampires *do* exist. only they are people. They can be US, if we’re not careful. I don’t want to be a vampire. Vampires are icky. I want to be a beautiful mermaid. I want to be a dolphin, swimming in the ocean…

    On the plus side, I could feel a lot more agitated right now. But when I told him I felt “a little mad,” I felt calm. I was composed. I didn’t “lose it.” I concentrated on staying in the moment, and it was SO HARD. I had feelings coming up that I didn’t know what to do with or how to speak about.

    So I just let it go. I like him. And I’d love to have a random outlet for my sexual energy so that I don’t get so pent up. But maybe that’s just not what’s in the cards for me. Maybe that’s not really what I want….

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:10pm

  726. 726: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Other people are my weakness. I feel tired and drained, because when another person is there, I seem to stuff down all my wants and needs – I’ve talked about this before – and focus totally on the other person. Even if I know what I want or need in the moment, I rarely communicate it. And in the end, if I am angry that something did or did not happen, then the truth is, I am really just angry at myself, because *I* am the one who did not communicate what I knew was there in my mind.

    Why is this?????

    I do no know. I am a loss….

    Sunday, 22 April 2012 @ 11:16pm

  727. 727: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Siren Song :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:10am

  728. 728: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    men are so cute! talking about don’t let the bed bugs bite

    awwwww

    they are softies inside omgosh

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:17am

  729. 729: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Daria))))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:18am

  730. 730: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm so this guy i never tralk to but who seems hella popular and like his life is hella fun just liked my new photo! and im like OMG in my tummy

    likekinda to the left

    and then im like

    omg i shouldnt feel excited

    so im downing myself

    pattern!

    when this is actually a great thing! a sexy guy liked my sexy photo!

    wtf…

    hes basically sayin he wants to hit it

    hmm

    well good

    i feel so extremely flattered i feel embarassed to show a guy i feel THIS excited over his attention :/

    i dont like to look sprung

    wtf

    ew

    im a groupie

    i hate myself

    ew

    die

    i cant stand this

    this feels humiliating

    i feel exposed

    for jockin some guy

    he already has a kid w some girl that hes probably with

    umgggh

    well he friended ME

    off this website
    so there

    grrrrrrr

    i wana be cool

    so cool guys like him can jock me

    an take me o to studyios and clubs

    and to be seen and be a stary

    and do it all easy

    breezy

    sta luizyy

    grrrrrrrrrrrr

    sooo mad

    stupid cool ppl i know go to jail

    now whos gonna have my back

    then i remember my brother is in a wheelchair now and he still got his swag!

    his swag is kinda undfeatable

    but then thats why i like this guy, cuz he reminds me of him

    ummggg

    i gota c rusho on him

    and then all guys that look like him look attractive to me

    and i feel soo powerless and i dont liek feeling liek that

    i feel pist and terrified

    im goin out swinging

    rarrrgh

    umfffffff

    ok so

    if we wanna have sex w a guy in a weheellchair

    well he can get w me dammit

    im not gonna lean forward cuz hes in a wehelecheair

    i coulda been in a wheelchair

    fuchk that

    i was jut talkin about how

    hes wsawaty swargy swaggy swaggerific

    im swaggerific too

    and so

    i wanna be cool

    i wnann be SEEN

    i want an “agent”

    yay aganet

    i want everyman to be my agent

    shamelessly

    omg

    thats horrible

    to use men for connections

    ive been doing it all my life tho watf

    grrrrrrr

    ufry

    fury

    rrirgh

    feel unvomceomfrotable

    its ok to use men

    ok i remember that from rori

    rori is like god

    cant really go wrong with trying it

    you can always turn back

    lalala

    life is good

    and its good again

    acuna matata

    it means no worries till the end of my days…

    its my problem free *music note* philosophy

    acuna matata

    weeeee

    that was a fun ride in my mind

    i want to heal all this !

    i feel sick!

    polked

    lanced in me

    ouch!

    i dont want to be this naked in fromnt of people

    it feels uncomfortalve

    RRARRGH

    i feel mad

    i feel mad

    i feel vulnerable hehe

    i feel all like i will beat u up cuz im vulnearable

    vulanerable fox bares teeth

    rrrrrghhhhhh

    i feel trapped

    i feel scared

    awwww

    compassion for me

    i feel numbe

    i feel cold

    (((daria))))

    i feel paranoid

    i judge myself for feleing paranoid

    im pressing hard on my right wrist

    hurting my arm

    ive ben doing that for hwo knows how long

    i dont know wn

    punishign my right arm for me being excited

    now i fele ambidextrious

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:25am

  731. 731: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i jusdge myself as being that yucky guy int he book i was reading

    i ciuld NOT stup jduging mhim im like omg he gets on my nevers

    i probalby get on your nerves now for being dyslexic and a nerd and shit

    og

    my boyfriends said … I like it when youre quiet

    wow like duh but also ouch

    ouch

    love me

    it eels horrible

    mm he mant it he liked that i was feeling more relaxed

    yeah

    i know he did
    THATS JUST MY INSECURITIES!

    haha COUAGHT YA!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:28am

  732. 732: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i wassna lean forward to htis other sexy guy! umgfff :(

    grrrgh

    i see him coming online

    its JOLTING ME

    ugh

    maube tjat was a bug biting me

    life is good

    for Daria

    Daria looked around her
    there weas a japaneze style curtain

    and the sky

    and th e stool and the heater with the selt

    the salt

    the mirror

    the seashel and the vasez and the buddha woman head

    that canme thanks to daria

    i am queen

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:31am

  733. 733: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i gett sooo excited to write

    eagaer exhubaratnt

    rori says i t we dont want anybody to see our childlike exhubaeranace

    omg it feels like unbearable

    i love
    me

    its ok

    i know you dont beliebe that its ok but its ok

    cuz rori sayd so

    and so what if thats the ohnly reason

    fuchk it

    no reason is good let a lone a reason

    so there

    its all good

    hanging on a preayer

    swinging in the universe

    to the next verse

    butddiferse

    i want some purple im tired of the light green

    buringing my throut

    i want a lil 2 hit pipe too like them other pepol

    ouch my shoulder

    i watn tit to heal

    anger!

    oh

    i dont pay atteniton

    i md oin my art

    this is my art

    im pouring my mind out

    onto paper so fast

    yum

    this is nt paper

    even

    its elecotronic nothingness organzied by my mind int hes signals trasnmitted asa wa ve between vomputers

    im amazing flying enagel cosmos

    i know useeem me

    does sturn one way and other way with oarms out and hip out

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:35am

  734. 734: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im crying and i dono why its that craying that happens sometimes when i w… waht

    pour out
    its just EMOTINTON

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:36am

  735. 735: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im having fun!!! alll by myself writing! thats something!

    i feel terribly embarassed to be having fun by myself

    like thats ikcy

    healed!

    i got a magical healing weapon

    i can probably help people with this

    it works CONSISTENTLY

    yay!!

    its liek the new eft

    i see why Erika was excited

    my thing feels exciting

    well so now

    i feel excited

    weeeee

    and i feel all teary

    and i feel embarassed to feel teary

    feeling excited feels like crying

    waaaah

    i feel uncomfortable

    umf

    i want to love all my emotions

    boom snap

    healing

    im healing

    wow

    so much energyies realigning in me

    just ways of holding my body even as i type

    omg

    i want to love myself so much

    i want to paint

    i want to dance while i type

    while i paint

    i want to be present

    i want to be there and mkae it feldnerjerekreis

    feldenkreis

    make it fluid

    liekt hat lady
    oh

    video

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:51am

  736. 736: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i did it like her, like a

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igpJeOkgfzw

    she says… search for the effortless trajectory

    … foollowing the wisdom of the spiral

    and its like it waves, forward and back sways, then opens

    and then just to relax into movement

    would feel so amazing

    and i ht has been adn im releasing

    so mucha

    a’

    ‘to accept that easy is right

    and right is pleasurable’

    mmmm

    feels so good

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:02am

  737. 737: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @696 Turquoise

    My grandfather had Celiac, so it shouldn’t be strange to her. It was her father. She just always has to be critical to me.

    I planted seeds for the garden and had moved my dining room table towards the window so the sun would get to them better. She commented on that too…”are you really growing seeds. I can’t believe you are doing that. Such a waste of time. It’s easier to just go and buy the plants. I can’t believe you’re doing a garden, you will just forget to water the plants anyways.”

    It’s not only what she says, but the way she says it. It’s the tone, the facial expression, the sighs.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:53am

  738. 738: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @698 siren song

    I’ve never heard of gluten messing with moods before. That is interesting.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:54am

  739. 739: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @697 Turquoise

    I can relate. I also feel stressed in room with too much clutter.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:56am

  740. 740: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @705 Lilibee

    Gluten is found in so many things. Wheat, grains, condiments, even make-up and personal care products. It’s everywhere, even in places you don’t expect it to be.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:59am

  741. 741: lkNo Gravatar says:

    good morning, angels : )))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:00am

  742. 742: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i want to develop my personal mission statement a la steve pavlina but i felt intimidated by his “method” last time (although i did do it to completion – i did not feel so much “connected” to the mission statement, even though it was “True” literally…. the Process de-juiced my words somewhat… exhausting !) ok

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:04am

  743. 743: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I wake up every morning feeling upset about CF. I am guessing that with time it will all fade:).

    I am feeling really turned off that he won’t respond to me at all. Unless my fears are true about the hacker cr*p, which is just as unlikely as it is likely, he has no reason to blatantly ignore me. he COULD text and say “hey don’t want to talk” or anything. Instead he leaves me here suffering. I know he’s got the right to do whatever he wants, and I respect that, but dang do I feel turned off by his complete lack of healthy, adult communication skills right now.

    I have gone from feeling like “aw you’re having a meltdown, it’s okay, CF, let’s work this out, I’m here for you!” to “wow dude, see a therapist, and don’t call me for a few years.” LOL

    and just generally confused how this all came to THIS.

    Seriously, ladies, I didn’t try obsessively to reach him, or say anything rude, or anything like that. I even asked him, “is there any particular reason you’re not speaking to me?” and got no answer. Totally bogus!!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:07am

  744. 744: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @717 Jilly

    It feels so nice to hear things are good. What is the waterwheel tool? Which program is that in?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:16am

  745. 745: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i’ve seen guys do this before, where they just let everything be destroyed from top to bottom. It’s their way of protecting themselves. Which is fine and dandy until they can’t help but come back 6 weeks later wondering why you no longer feel the same about them. All it would take is a simple text expressing that they’re not ready to talk, but instead, they leave you hanging and wondering. Really poor character in my opinion, but I’ve seen it over and over.

    Though I respect their commitment to honor themselves.

    I intend to attract sincerely loyal, committed, and word-keeping men.

    Even though I have my own emotional problems, there is a stable man out there with just enough patience for me:).

    And every day my emotional problems dry up a little bit more, because I am growing bigbigbig.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:16am

  746. 746: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, friendly island.  Catching up…

    @298 Giving Girl – Thanks for your feedback. I do let people see me, all of me, usually. I didn’t use to, but now I do, and it feels much more authentic and liberating. Those old feelings of being “too much” and “unworthy” rarely pop up anymore, and I feel really thankful for that. If they do pop up, I talk lovingly to myself. Or let one of my CDs do that for me as I share my feelings of inadequacy.  Feels very healing…

    I would say that I was scared of letting that guy really see who I was, because I didn’t feel good enough back then. I was good enough then and I am good enough now! I am fantastic!

    @299 Giving Girl – “I feel afraid, sad, insecure, nervous, forgotten, disconnected, worried, uneasy, tense, disappointed, tearful and powerless.” There are your golden feeling messages! You’re doing it! Try sharing that with your CD next time you’re feeling that way. Keep practicing, and those feeling messages will come out more naturally. I’m still practicing myself…

    @301 Giving Girl – all of those tight feelings are probably a result of holding back. Once you stop holding back, you release a lot of emotional tension and it feels amazing! Good luck, sweet girl. 

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:19am

  747. 747: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song, goodness, sorry to hear about that rollercoaster! i feel excited to hear more about these nicer guys. you’re inspiring me!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:19am

  748. 748: Memulo says:

    Turquoise,

    I know you are right, it’s just the difference between the time when we are together, the connection, the feeling of ‘right’, the excitement and when we are apart and I don’t get his communications when I expect them (I know, control issues on my part) that drives me crazy. I realize now more and more that he is probably just busy and struggling and torn apart. He told me on the phone yesterday: my little boy is gone and the crazy mother (they went on vacation), so no drama, it’s so quiet and peaceful, I am not used to this. And he called me twice.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:27am

  749. 749: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    Things don’t always make sense. I know it feels bad. Keep your chin up.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:29am

  750. 750: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad. I feel shaky and cold. I feel a light sadness in my fingertips and forearms. It’s not a heavy sadness, just a light sadness that I feel. I feel a strange space behind my eyes. My mouth feels sad. My jaw feels trembly.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:29am

  751. 751: Memulo says:

    Starla, he may just feel guilty.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:29am

  752. 752: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @746 lamabutterfly

    Thank you for your feedback. I think you’re right. I’ve been thinking about things a lot over the weekend, as a result of Saturday’s party. I don’t recall a time when I was being hit on that I didn’t feel resistance. I really felt it on Saturday. I could feel my walls being built up as this guy was talking to me. He wanted to learn about me and I didn’t feel comfortable sharing. He asked me what I like to do for fun and I had a really hard time even coming up with an answer. I used to always blame it on me being shy, but I don’t think that is really the cause.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:42am

  753. 753: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @750

    (((lamabutterfly)))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:44am

  754. 754: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel disconnected.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:51am

  755. 755: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Good Morning Sirens!

    LiliBee @ 271 – Thanks for the reply to my post! I’m so glad to know that the Toxic Men program helped you with your difficult man!

    I will be bonding with my difficult man starting Thursday this week and I have been sooo excited, but now I can feel myself sort of shifting into shut-down mode! That is not going to be acceptible this time! I know better! I can’t protect myself by shutting down or he will never have the chance to experience the real me. I have a few days to get myself ready for this trip and I thought buying a swim suit was going to be the hard part – looks like forcing myself to stay open and outwardly happy and in the moment is going to be the hard part! At least i recognize my old pattern!

    On another note – GM is sort of stalking me on FB now, which I LOVE. He is new there and only has me and a couple of my friends as his FB “Friends” and he rarely says a word on there, but I see him log on at the same time every day when he gets home from work. It makes me giggle because I know he has no idea that I can see he has logged on – that would freak him out! But he spends a few minutes on there every day and I know he reads my posts and looks at my pics, so I can use that as a way to communicate indirectly with him – I can be happy and care-free and talk with my FM feeling voice about things that I might not feel comfortable texting to him, but when I am talking to all of my FB friends and he just happens to see it, it makes me want to keep on practicing my feeling messages on there. He gets to see that I have a full and happy life seperate from him without me feeling like I am cramming it down his throat by texting him daily with – “look how alive and happy I am . . .” Lol.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:54am

  756. 756: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    :) i recovered pretty quickly from my yucky feelings this morning:)

    memulo, who knows what his deal is.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:05am

  757. 757: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so angry with my so-called “friend.” I was already feeling angry, and wondering when and if I should talk to her about my feelings regarding her using me to get closer to Jack CD, when she texted me all excited trying to get me to invite her to where I was going where she knew Jack CD was going to be. She was all “Hey! are you going to such and such a place?!?!” I could not believe her. She hadn’t talked to me all week. before she started showing her true colors, I would’ve been like “yeah, I’m going! Do you want to ride with me?” But not anymore. I felt furious, and simply texted back “yep.” She is one of those people, who just like me, can pick up on people’s feelings from a distance. I swear she knew I was angry. and then I felt even angrier when I got her reply text. “Ok, just thought I’d check. :)” Was she at said event? Of course not. Because she USES me. ALL THE TIME. Just for social connections. and I have done SO MUCH for her and she hasn’t done CRAP for me. The only reason she “cares” about me is so she can use me.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:12am

  758. 758: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Two things:

    1. Is it possible that you sent texts to the wrong number or his number changed etc.? I have been getting texts from some girl who obviously thinks she is texting a guy who is not responding (I keep meaning to text her back to tell her she has the wrong number but I keep automatically deleting it by accident!)

    2. I am so feeling ya on this one: “wow dude, see a therapist, and don’t call me for a few years.” That’s what I’m thinking about my guy (he has been in contact a wee bit but really acting in a way that doesn’t seem healthy to me <– yeah, I know, judgment)

    (((Starla)))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:13am

  759. 759: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    She was being all fake sweet to me last night and saying stuff like “You seem sad tonight. is everything okay?” and I just said “we should talk later.” because I wasn’t about to talk to her right then and there in front of everybody.

    and she was all like “yeah! we should blah blah blah tonight.” and I said, “I can’t tonight,” because I couldn’t last night.

    I want her to in

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:18am

  760. 760: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    she’s seriously been trying to act like me. and following me around EVERYWHERE.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:19am

  761. 761: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lucy, i definitely have the right number. when i called on wednesday and left a message, it was his voicemail. if he was that gung ho on avoiding me, he and his sister would unfriend me on facebook!!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:20am

  762. 762: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    and I left her last night at a group thing with Jack CD. I bet you a million bucks that if they talked at all last night, she won’t make any attempt to see me or contact me this week.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:21am

  763. 763: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    and there was no where else to sit last night, so she was all “sit next to me, butterfly!” and I could tell it was making Jack CD feel uncomfortable, the fact that I felt so uncomfortable. I feel so bad for him. He’s seen how jealous it makes me when the two of him talk.

    Why does it make me feel jealous?

    I feel like I am one of his favorites. But for a while there, if I wasn’t in my “A game,” or if I was slipping into old habits of closing off my heart and feelings, he would go pay attention to her.

    Like she was his backup girl for when I wasn’t playing my cards right.

    but within the past couple of months, he’s been showing me that he’s choosing me over her. He’s attracted to her, and it’s obvious, but when she’s there talking to me, he avoids both of us. She’s picked up on this, and has been clinging to me like crazy just so he stays away from me.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:27am

  764. 764: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I used to get mad “at” Jack CD for being so obviously attracted to her, but I’ve realized it’s not wrong for him to be attracted to her, and he’s proven that he really cares about me, so it doesn’t bother me as much anymore, on his end at least.

    what I’m trying to say is that I trust him completely, but I don’t trust her at all.

    This feels like a stupid tv show…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:32am

  765. 765: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    He taught class the other night and did an amazing job, as usual. I thanked him and offered to refresh his water for him. He let me refresh his water and seemed completely moved by my gesture. His face lit up and he smiled so big and he softened. then, he opened up to me big time, and we had an amazing conversation. It felt so good to listen to him and ask him questions, and he was so open and so receptive. Acts of service is definitely his love language, and unfortunately it’s the one that I have the hardest time recognizing, receiving, and returning.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:36am

  766. 766: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    When people do “acts of service” for me, it usually feels like too much. it feels obligatory, like I’m doing this for you so you owe me. Acts of service make me feel like the other person thinks I’m incapable or incompetent.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:39am

  767. 767: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I was thinking about it, and I think I understand why acts of service mean so much to him. It required me to really think about him, and about his needs and desires, and then to follow through with the plan of getting those needs and desires met.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:41am

  768. 768: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I think he has felt frustrated with me, because he felt like he was doing so much for me and I didn’t even recognize it, because is seriously my least-intense love language. I mean, I appreciate it when people do things for me, but it also makes me feel resentful…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:42am

  769. 769: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    When we were talking after I brought him the glass of water, he brought up this time several months ago when we went to an event together, and practically sat in each other’s laps for the whole thing.

    Then, he asked me if I was there.

    Seriously?

    I felt confused and thrown off balance and a little angry and really sad, but didn’t sink into my feelings because I just didn’t feel like I had the time to even process and sink into them. So I just let myself feel them a little and replied; “um, yeah. we sat together…”

    after that night I didn’t hear from him for two weeks.

    Next time we’re together, I need to tell him that I feel shy and quiet and really, really, REALLY happy when we go to things together and he sits ridiculously close to me. I realized that he still doesn’t realize how much I care about him and that I really need to work on communicating how good he makes me feel and how much I appreciate him.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:50am

  770. 770: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    * when I say “that night” I mean the night that we practically sat in each other’s laps…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:55am

  771. 771: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @lamabutterfly

    I feel bad about your situation with your friend. It sounds like she is envious of you. It’s not a comfortable place to be when you can’t trust your friend.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:58am

  772. 772: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Am I overreacting and letting my NVs take over?

    My friend asked me if I heard from BoatGuy.

    I said not since Wed.

    She said, well, I’m sure he was busy with vacation and he’ll contact you today or tomorrow. Or do you think that’s weird?

    I said, Yea, I think it’s weird. I’m not going to contact him, the ball is in his court. I feel disconnected and not sure where things stand.

    She replied, yeah that is weird. It’s probably best to just chill and let him contact you. He always does.

    I said, I know he always does. He told me he would see me when he got back.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:09am

  773. 773: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    WTH???!!! Someone from the blog emailed my guy and told him I was writing about him on the blog!

    Why would someone do such a thing???!!!

    From what he said, it sounds like she/he told him a bunch of stuff I wrote.

    I feel angry and mostly sad sad sad….

    Why would you do that, whoever you are?

    My gosh.

    :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:18am

  774. 774: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Lucy! That’s horrible! I feel violated on your behalf! I have never told any of my girl friends about this site, but if any of them were onhere, they would surely recognize me from the things I say about GM. I would hate to think of them betraying me like that!

    You don’t have any idea who knows you and your guy from this site? maybe just a stalker and not a Siren . . .

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:57am

  775. 775: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – Is it possible the guy found out about the blog himself and has been reading it himself? I hate to think of someone from the site doing that to any of us . . .

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:59am

  776. 776: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    oh Lucy that’s terrible you think he could have found the blog on his own?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:00am

  777. 777: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    He has known about the blog for a long time and promised me he would respect my privacy here.

    It has to be someone who knows us both from facebook.

    Whoever you are, whoever did this, please message me and tell me WHY.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:18am

  778. 778: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lucy…. I am so sorry. Ask him to forward you the email. If he won’t I’d consider that respecting your privacy may have gone out the window with the breakup. I had a guy try to hack into my MySpace.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:29am

  779. 779: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks.

    You really think he would make up a story about someone else emailing him? Am I too trusting?

    Can people make up stories that sound that believable?

    It really does sound believable. I can think of 5 or 6 people who could have written him (though I don’t know what their motives would be, although maybe jealousy or something like that).

    He had told me that even if we ever broke up, he would still respect the privacy of the blog.

    Am I stupid to believe that a person could be that honorable and trustworthy? :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:40am

  780. 780: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – my ex husband hacked into my FB account and then pretended that one of my friends was forwarding him posts from my site – he was just playing games with my head and I would never have thought he would do that AND he acted like he was hurt that someone was trying to cause us trouble and making me paranoid to trust my girlfriends.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:04am

  781. 781: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh. Calypso, that feels awful to think about! :( Now I don’t know whether to trust him or not.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:23am

  782. 782: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    That sucks! Sad to hear that.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:20pm

  783. 783: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy , I feel your violation from here ..and its a long way away.

    Explanations ..

    He may have “cheated ‘ and looked at the blog to try and get an explanation, closure , understanding etc..and made up the email story ton cover his breach of trust .

    He may have been emailed information by someone here. If so he should tell you what he knows .

    Either way , you need to ask him direct questions and in person if possible , with feeling messages ..example follows ..

    ” i feel my privacy has been violated . i feel so angry!I feel mistrust and embarrassment. I am not sure what happened here but I dont want to doubt you in future. It would feel so much better to hear the full truth. What do you think?”

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:07am

  784. 784: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    “Why would someone do such a thing???!!!”

    Good question . I really cant see that anyone WOULD do such a thing. For a start they would know you would guess their identity quickly if there are only 5-6 contenders who know you both and are on the blog.

    Therefore “the leak”wants to be discovered and get attention for that .

    OR , he looked at the blog as most people would in extreme emotional distress or pain.( Just listen to some of our sirens obsess and stalk around their love interests here. ) To me , not knowing either of you , this sounds like regular human nature :)

    I have never joined the FB siren page ..the fellow sirens are , after all strangers operating in cyber fantasy land and may have their own issues . I value my privacy.

    And I did have a CD once find the blog and read up on me but he fessed up quickly and I disappeared for a long while and have de-identified myself here and there.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:17am

  785. 785: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    “From what he said, it sounds like she/he told him a bunch of stuff I wrote.”

    Another clue Lucy. I would think a siren writing to him to tell him about the blog would not have written out posts or a bunch of stuff you wrote , nor even a whole lot of separate links .

    Surely they would just have sent a link to the appropriate page and access info so he could read it himself if they really were a trouble making Siren.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:24am

  786. 786: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confused to if hard on the inside means the same as soft on the inside. What do others think? My husband tells me I have had a complete personality change I do feel like I have transformed and now have boundaries which are the real me my soul speaking. I feel I have transformed my revealing feelings emotions that used to be on the inside and then when something feels intolerable being hard and immovable on it. Where I used to reveal the hardness and when push came to shove put my feelings/emotions on the inside last and make others peoples feelings more important than mine and be all nice and understanding feeling guilty for being hard on the outside.
    Do others think hard is the same as strong?

    Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:21am

  787. 787: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Whoops meant strong on the inside not soft.

    Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:22am

  788. 788: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy my heart feels for you I also had a similar experience and felt so violated like my mind had been raped.
    Felt awful.I have felt unable to heal and let it go yet. What about you?

    Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:31am

  789. 789: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Annie I believe strong more references an anchor in my mind. Hard references a wall. An anchor is moveable and so goes based on feelings, my directives. A wall on the other hand is fixed and has to be demolished to be moved. So as it relates to emotions I feel deep inside my gut that they are different.

    Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:41am

  790. 790: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    I like that!

    Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:40am

  791. 791: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty FW. My boundaries are immovable like a wall now. Some of my boundaries are hard like a wall now and feel fixed immovable the ones that are a line in the sand, so my vibe has changed I know. Some things now have become completely intolerable to me and I am now told I am hard an unreasonable. The attitude i now have is whatever take or leave it I do not care, tis up to you. Before I would be hard on the outside saying don’t you dare do that to me and then soft on the inside and cry and do my best to get him to stop. It feels so strange like my insides and outsides have switched.

    Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:06pm

« Back to Home