The Goddess Way – Embody Your True Essence and Discover Your Feminine Power

   

dominiqueDominique’s created a Goddess program! I love Dominique, she’s SO amazing, I so love her as a person and as a coach and teacher (her body-work techniques are just off-the charts original and mind-blowing, and I’m so grateful for what she shares and how she helps here on this blog and on her own website) – and now she’s sharing it all with us here:

by Dominique

As some of you know, I launched very first video program this week.

The Goddess Way ~ The Art of Embodying Your True Essence ~ Discover Your Feminine Power While Deepening Intimacy With Your Man

A REVOLUTIONARY and UNIQUE program, full of wonderful information, tips, meditations, and so much more on YOU and YOU IN RELATIONSHIP –

It’s been divided into eleven separate, more easily digestible sections including a very special additional section – a gift of a video recorded guided meditation. The program comes with a manual which is filled with all kinds of bonus material.

All of this is for immediate access and is computer and/or phone downloadable.

My new program is a culmination of ALL I have been teaching over the last five years and much, much more.

The series encompasses topics from skin and body care – the information about which stems from my over twenty years as a natural healing technique esthetician and herbalist ~

To learning about your deepest inner body on a physical as well as an emotional level – taken from my many, many years of personal exploration into this really IMPORTANT topic – eg. where YOU hold tension and what to do about it ~

To the KEY to relationship bliss – along with EVERYTHING I have learned and incorporate into my personal AND relationship life on a daily basis which will attract and KEEP the man of your dreams ~

To your sexuality – alone and in relationship, showing you ways to  enjoy more fully and expand on this delicious gift you have been given ~

  • I will show you how to take the very best care of you in all ways – physically, emotionally, and spiritually – giving you tips on skin and body care including home remedies and recipes for your outer and inner body
  • I will teach you how to become aware of and release tension in your being which has resulted from an accumulation of hurts and traumas you have sustained whether they be physical ones or emotional ones – this ALONE will give you a clarity about yourself and your surrounding world AND your relationship like nothing else
  • I will show you several incredible meditations to help you get in better touch with YOU and how you feel as well shift all of this to a better feeling place
  • I will help you open your eyes to all that is ALREADY WONDERFUL in your world right now and show you how to manifest more
  • I will teach you all about the masculine/feminine energy dynamic and what this means in your relationship
  • I will give you some wonderful goddess rituals to employ on a daily basis and to use when preparing for a date so that you can have the best date possible whether it’s a new man or one you’ve been with for awhile
  • I will give you EXTENSIVE instruction on communication
  • I will give you in an depth exploration of you as a goddess in relationship – the best ways to BE in your relationship – how to create the profoundly intimate, deeply cherishing and loving relationship you SO want for yourself
  • I will show you how to heal your sexuality and take it to heights and depths in ways you may have not thought possible, awakening sensations and feelings you may have never felt before

And SO much more

Here is a tip from my program –

Thankfulness Journal

Most of us tend to focus more on what DOESN’T feel good instead of on what DOES FEEL GOOD. Keeping a thankfulness journal will help keep the GOOD STUFF in the forefront of your consciousness more of the time. And there is likely SO much more of this in your life than you could have ever possibly imagined until you begin to write about it.

When you are keeping your focus primarily on what feels good, the stuff that doesn’t feel so good won’t have as much of an impact on you. It won’t throw you as much, bother you, annoy you, irritate you, or make you angry nearly as much if at all.

When you can recognize ALL that really is SO wonderful in your life, the rest will feel more like blips on the screen of your radar and won’t tend to take you over and overwhelm you.

You will feel better able to handle whatever life has to offer you and this includes the bad feeling stuff too.

Even the more serious events and traumas you will be able to handle with far more grace and equanimity.

This is the format I prefer for writing in my thankfulness journal –

“I feel SO thankful for…..”, and it could be anything from the tiniest treasure, eg. a beautiful bird singing at your window, to the grandest gift, eg. a gorgeous necklace from your man.

And then you will describe how it makes you feel – “I feel SO filled up hearing this lovely song,” or “this necklace makes me feel SO goddessy, like a princess.” Elaborate as much or as little as you wish.

Wrap up each thing you feel thankful for with this – “I feel SO loved. I feel so supported. And it’s all feels SO easy and effortless.”

Read more about my NEW, AMAZING, LIFE CHANGING program.

The Goddess Way ~ The Art of Embodying Your True Essence ~
Discover Your Feminine Power While Deepening Intimacy With Your Man

xxoo Love, Dominique

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685 Comments to “The Goddess Way – Embody Your True Essence and Discover Your Feminine Power”

  1. 1: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    First!

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 10:23am

  2. 2: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Dominique !! sounds amazing :)

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 10:26am

  3. 3: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yayyy Dominique. Love ya

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 11:54am

  4. 4: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Fab dominique!!

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 12:20pm

  5. 5: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Love this… and all the calls leading up to it <3

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 12:26pm

  6. 6: Memulo says:

    This is great Dominique;)

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 1:04pm

  7. 7: Memulo says:

    I kept on typing on the old thread

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 1:10pm

  8. 8: Memulo says:

    Sometimes I think that perhaps the fact that I never contacted dumbcd again was actually cool?

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 1:30pm

  9. 9: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Wow, Dominique. Sounds good. Have to read it. Your words sound really encouraging I must tell u. Somehow u and Mercedes remind me of each other. People’s personalities somehow come out in their posts. I was wondering when Rori was going to start a new thread as the last went up to about 1169 i believe. Have to catch up on that later. Thankfully I will be on a break later this week. I look forward to it.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 1:57pm

  10. 10: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – 1146 – from the other thread – Yes, I agree – I think it’s about those little details I guess.
    Today I did manage to cook a recipe that I’ve wanted to cook for ages – and I really enjoyed being in my kitchen and grinding all my spices, and using all my appliances! I felt a real sense of pride…

    Ironically though although the dish looked nice, it was pretty bland. But I had fun cooking it!! hehe :)

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:07pm

  11. 11: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    love cooking as a form of fun expression….. dislike cooking as an obligation (or chore)

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:09pm

  12. 12: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    1159: Luzydel says:

    From last thread.

    “Does anyone know a good natural way tht can help with Fibroids. I have fibroids and though I have no heavy periods or strong symptoms yet, Dr. suggested a hysterectomy; I think it is a bit barbaric, especially when I do not have strong symptoms yet. I was usin DIM plus and vitex and they were helping a lot; but some Dr. say it is not good to mix plenty of natural supplements. (now I do not believe him because when I was using them fibroids were small and when I stopped they got bigger). I also heard of Serapastate (SP?) as being effective to reduce their size.

    I want to try a more holistic approach before going under the knife. Anyone knows of any other remedies?”

    If you have no real problems why so you want to do anything? I feel confused|?
    They go away on there own after the menopause.
    I had one the size of a grapefruit that caused be excessive bleeding to the point of not being able to leave the house for a couple of days every month.
    Convectional; options were live with it.
    Have it removed and risk womb rupturing, very evasive.
    And hysterectomy very evasive and then left with other problems in your case most like most likely worse than the fibroid.
    Live with it unless they cause you severe problems and you want to chose one of first two conventional options.
    Or I decided to try acupuncture which worked for me. Fibroid disappeared./

    So depends which choice you believe is your best option at this moment in time.
    Not the doctors choice.
    He is there to advise you on options available. Not convince or coerce.
    X

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 1:59pm
    1173: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Or Dominique options and what you are doing if you think they are best options.

    Only you know what is best option for you. X

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:11pm

  13. 13: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Dominique,
    Your program sounds beautiful.
    Thanks, lovely lady :-)

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:18pm

  14. 14: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Annie, mine is aprox. 7cc, however I have no heavy pain or bleeding and my cycle is normal around 28 days. I hated when Dr. said since you do not want any more kids, why have your uterus? My mom had an hysterectomy and now she developed cardiovascular problems and bone weakness. Im 38, and no I do not want a baby, but I do not want to take higher risks.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:27pm

  15. 15: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    It feels best to me to focus on the reality of every individual moment as and when they arise. Not on one or the other. When something feels good , fantastic ,great and I like it say it as it is in the moment and want it by me and around me and to be with it And when something feels bad, awful, devastating etc I again say it as it is and want to get it away from me or me away from it.
    I love cherish and honor all of my feelings and don’t want to ignore any of them. And it feels best to me to put my focus on what is really happening rather than taking my focus off the real moment. So if something feels good, express it smile melt into it enjoy.
    And if something feels bad be authentic, express it show it and get my energy out of there or there energy away from me.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:27pm

  16. 16: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Luzeydel

    “I hated when Dr. said since you do not want any more kids, why have your uterus?”

    Ouch.

    was he male or female?

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:28pm

  17. 17: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    he/she

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:29pm

  18. 18: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    A lot of Doctors sadly are not known for their sensitivity towards their patients.
    Hugs. X

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:31pm

  19. 19: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    And in all honesty, you sound like you know more than your Doc does on subject.

    The words ” trust me I’m a doctor.”
    I personally take with a pinch of salt.
    All most tell you is what they are spoon fed.
    I trust in myself finding out what is best for me.

    What do you think?

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 2:36pm

  20. 20: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria for bringing the Goddess wording to the blog and using it so much

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 3:14pm

  21. 21: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    And popularizing it hehe

    Yay Goddess life

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 3:15pm

  22. 22: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Luzydel, the first option the doctor suggested is hysterectomy? He is crazy? That should be a last resort. I see u are getting good advice there. I remember when I had them, I can’t even remember what a lady who specialized in natural stuff gave me. The fibroids caused my period to come heavy for days and I got something to stop the bleeding. My period wouldn’t come fpr a couple of months and then it came back. I removed them twice.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 3:16pm

  23. 23: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Im going to do Vitex; DIM and Serrapetase again. My fibroid was tiny when I was doing this. Also I have low Vt. D; I wonder if I have some hormonal imbalance that is causing all this…

    The Dr. is a new Dr. SInce My insurance took the others out of network. Anyway, we will see how things go…

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 3:30pm

  24. 24: Memulo says:

    (((Luzydel)))

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 5:46pm

  25. 25: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Love you Dominique! And you look so beautiful on the picture too! :)

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 6:03pm

  26. 26: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 8 Memulo

    I believe it was a cool thing to do. Taking care of yourself when the man is not giving you the relationship you want. I feel glad to see you are noticing this.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 6:06pm

  27. 27: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    (((Luzydel)))
    Hysterectomy really sounds barbaric. I hope some milder remedies will help. Sending healing vibes to you!

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 6:10pm

  28. 28: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Ulii. It still hurts to think what if he thought that I had plan B and didn’t care enough.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 6:42pm

  29. 29: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    My cd called to ask my street address. Last year with dumbcd it meant I was getting roses. Am I doomed to mess up exactly what I want most?

    I told my cd about my bfast struggles. He thanked me for sharing how I feel with him and said that next time I should just tell him if I want him to bring groceries or go out.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 6:46pm

  30. 30: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He says I am very sweet. If he knew I am still pining for ‘last year’s snow’ so to speak he’d stop saying this I am sure:)

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 6:48pm

  31. 31: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He is probably the most attentive lover I ever had. He cares how I feel so much. He really enjoys my body and he tries to please me as much as he possibly can, on his own initiative. But it makes it worse for me because I miss the other one.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 6:53pm

  32. 32: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Indigo, 709 from the previous thread.”There is nothing wrong with keeping him as a friend, especially if you are getting enjoyment out of your exchanges. I just wouldn’t expect too much from him and I wouldn’t give too much. Thanks for that advice Indigo. That’s exactly what I plan to do as I said before. Funny how men can say words and then the actions don’t match up. HE was the one who asked me for a relationship. Anyway, I am yet to start circular dating because of 2 main reasons- 1. My job leaves me totally exhausted. Right now I am working in between chatting on here and 2. Some of my good friends are married and u find that married friends really don’t have time to go with u. One friend of mine who is single lives too far away from me and even if she lived near, every time I make plans for socializing for eg. Inviting her to my house or linking up on a holiday weekend, she has some excuse. Seems she only wants to talk on the phone. Another friend of mine lives with her boyfriend. We decided we are going to go out later this week when we are off from work. We have planning that for the longest while but we are super busy.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 7:00pm

  33. 33: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    k2012, can you not go out alone? I used to do it all the time

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 7:13pm

  34. 34: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Even to a coffee shop, with a book or without. or a restaurant for lunch

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 7:14pm

  35. 35: k2012No Gravatar says:

    When u do that Memulo, do u feel weird? I once went to an all inclusive by myself and enjoyed it tremendously. I remember I was supposed to travel that year but changed my mind as the air fares were too high. In fact, I got my visa late and by the time I was ready for booking, the air fares were riduculous. I decided that under no circumstances I am staying at home the entire summer. I was off from work for the summer. So I booked into an all inclusive for 2 nights. I didn’t care it was me alone. I didn’t feel strange at all. When I was leaving, friends came to pick me up and we went out after that. I don’t know if I can muster up the courage to go out again by myself to a hang out spot. Not sure.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 7:40pm

  36. 36: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    K2012, I don’t feel weird going out by myself. There are many ways you can do it – if just for lunch you can bring a book or a paper, or just do nothing and smile to people around. For the evening there are some social events, parties, you could look into these if you like. There will be many people who come alone to these events or you can always meet girls, even if they come as a group and talk to them.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:03pm

  37. 37: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Another option is to go watch movies by yourself – done that many times too.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:04pm

  38. 38: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been to musical concerts or dance shows by myself too many times:) if there is something that I want to see and no one else is interested, I just go.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:06pm

  39. 39: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I changed countries a few times in my life and when you are at a new place you don’t know anyone but still want to enjoy yourself, so you do it alone.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:08pm

  40. 40: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    K2012 I believe where you are there should be pantomime and a lot of stage shows. Those are things I used to do and it holds so much possibility of meeting new people. Even cricket matches.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:09pm

  41. 41: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Anyone knows, say if my cd will send me flowers and take me out for dinner for Vday, am I expected to give him a gift?

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:11pm

  42. 42: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sorry, I’m just all kinds of discombobulated tonight. This is the proper link here -

    http://sexandheart.com/the-goddess-way

    xxoo

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:17pm

  43. 43: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo why are you ruminating about a gift, didn’t you say you already bought one?

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:18pm

  44. 44: Memulo says:

    FW, yes, I bought 2;) wondering if it’s a common thing to do.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:19pm

  45. 45: sha-shaNo Gravatar says:

    Congratulations Dominique

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:22pm

  46. 46: k2012No Gravatar says:

    oh yes Pantomime is going on now for true where I am. yes cricket matches too but I dont like cricket. but a lot of men would be there too. FW, your nationality is the same as mine nuh or you have friends of my nationality? Going to the movies and social events by yourself is a good idea. There is a nice place that my friend and I want to go. If she cant come, and my sister is available, i will ask her if she wants to go. If she cant come, I am going by myself. I remember a long time ago, i went to the movies by myself. Ages ago, in fact. Thanks girls for your suggestions.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:26pm

  47. 47: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Whether it is or isn’t, it is about what feels good for you to do. It is not a debt you are repaying. If you feel worthy of his gift w

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:28pm

  48. 48: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    why not just accept it with grace

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:29pm

  49. 49: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Same. I used to love going to crciket matches. Yes, it amplifies your attraction factor with all time men around. There are some many small theatres with stage shows also I used to enjoy.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:32pm

  50. 50: k2012No Gravatar says:

    ok. a play is also good to go too, FW. Can you imagine if some company out here got Rori to come out here, and do a presentation on relationships, the place would be overflowing. If someone could get her and Christian Carter to come, it would be great. I will soon be buying the tools, I have to activate my card now that i received a week ago and the first thing I am going to buy is the e-book. FW, I notice your posts are deep. You sound like a psychologist. You know what this week is a public holiday so I will be off from work so it will be good time to go somewhere. Havent heard from overseas cd. I said good morning to him while I was in church. Heard nothing. so of course, I wont say anything more until I hear from him. I have to ask hairdresser something when i call her tomorrow. She said that overseas cd was just like disappearing ex, but i have to ask her specifically if she had picked that up from the Holy spirit or its because the two mens’ birthday are close which is why she says so. I have to ask her. Cause one cannot use astrology in christianity. As a matter of fact, not because two men have similar situations means that they are the same. My sister’s present boyfriend and her previous boyfriend have similar situations and they are certainly not the same. they are oh so different. Also her ex-husband and her present boyfriend have similar situations too but they are not the same. so hairdresser may be wrong there, I know she means well but I am going to ask her to make sure. I am going to ask her to forget for a while that overseas cd doesnt like to talk on the phone as that is another matter by itself. I am amazed that i lost my attraction for him, can u imagine. But lets face it, a guy who told you he wants a relationship doesnt call only wants to talk by messaging. Wouldnt u get bored after a time? after telling him 3 or 4 times that u want him to call, cause you are tired of messaging. u must lose interest after a time.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 8:55pm

  51. 51: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Congratulations Dominique!

    I feel grateful for the chocolates a friend gave me…
    I feel thankful for good music
    I feel thankful for Coffee <3

    In a good mood today…Went out with friends…good conversation…wine…and then we went dancing…
    I'm letting my boy take care of my girl and it's working..
    I believe I really just need to focus on myself & taking care of me.

    Sunday, 10 February 2013 @ 9:52pm

  52. 52: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very thankful to the Universe that me, my relatives and friends are healthy. It feels like peace in my heart.
    I feel very thankful that there is EFT technique. I did it today and I felt like I am taking great care of myself. I felt supported and more in balance.
    I feel very thankful for a latte I buy myself every day, today including. I feel cared for and I feel warm and safe while I am drinking it.
    I feel very thankful to find a great wax specialist for myself. I feel so amazed by how gentle and fast she works. I feel happy and cheerful visiting the salon.
    I feel very thankful to have my favorite embroidered red Miu Miu skirt dry cleaned. I feel flirty and soft and flow-y even thinking of it. I feel happy they also saved my favorite navy blue cashmere sweater that started to unknit. I feel so very much at ease and relaxed when I wear it. At these moments I feel confident in my ability to take great care of me. I feel encouraged to take even better care of me.
    I feel grateful to me for uncovering the pattern of my early communication with mom, which I stuck to in my relationships with men when we got exclusive and that didn’t feel good. I feel more relaxed and more at ease and my breath feels more flowy now and I feel more confident in my ability to shift it if I want to..
    I feel grateful to Dominique for this tool because I feel my mood’s elevated as I am finishing this line.
    And I feel thankful to me for correcting i into capital letters if I need to, because it makes me feel honored and important.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 3:40am

  53. 53: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    k2012 – 9 – You are so cute. We are really good friends actually, and our birthdays are one day apart. Maybe this is why we resemble each other. :)

    xxoo

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 4:00am

  54. 54: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Smile for alerting me to my embarrassing mistake, blush and sigh. :(

    And thank you all the love and the lovely well wishes.

    The links in the post are now disabled and hopefully will be up and linking you to the proper page soon.

    In the meantime, the link is here again -

    http://sexandheart.com/the-goddess-way

    I feel so thankful having the opportunity to share in a piece of your lives.

    Sending love.

    xxoo

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 4:10am

  55. 55: ScaredNo Gravatar says:

    I have a question and I feel scared to even ask. How/when/ do I even have to tell a guy about an std? I say do I even have to because its an HPV strain. HPV has a very high prevalence (If a college woman has at least one different partner per year for four years, the probability that she will leave college with an HPV infection is greater than 85%), sometimes people can have it and have no symptoms, and experts don’t know if it goes away or if you have it forever. I don’t even know if I still have it. Razor bumps and ingrown hairs scare me now. I feel extremely exposed and embarrassed. I only had one partner in college and a couple after….it only takes one really. So what do I do? I feel like finding a good man is hard enough without a scarlet letter, now who will want me?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 4:26am

  56. 56: S RyanNo Gravatar says:

    Rori,

    I met someone online and we had been seeing each other for about 7 months. It was a long distance relationship, so it was work, but worth it. In November, he came to see me and we spent three wonderful days together. He was telling me that he had to move out of his rental home because his landord was going to let his sister live there. He was torn because he wanted to move closer to me, but he has two daughters and he didn’t want to leave them so he asked if I would stay with him if he were to buy a home where he lived presently and of course I said that I would because in a year my son graduates high school so if things continue to work out for us, I could consider moving closer to him at that time. We live about 4.5 hours away from each other so I thought that the relationship was worth fighting for. After he left my place, he stopped communicating as much, which really confused me cause we had such a great time together. Finally I asked him what was going on and he said that he didn’t know what to do because on one hand he wants to pack up and move closer to me with no hesitation but then he can’t because he needs to be close to his daughters. I said that I didn’t understand because I thought that we had discussed this and agreed that we would continue the long distance relationship for now since moving for either one of us is not an option. He didn’t respond…that was 2 months ago. Now I see that his profile is back on the dating website where we first met one another. I am completely heartbroke.So now I am wondering if I need to reach out to him to let him know that I still care about him and that I am still interested in him. Maybe he assumes that I have moved on so he doesn’t want to contact me. But then I struggle with, if he were still interested, wouldn’t he reach out to me. I don’t know what to do, but I am tired of being sad and heartbroken over this. I want to move on. I just don’t know how. Any advice you can give me would be appreciated.

    Thanks Rori

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 4:46am

  57. 57: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Vi – 55 – :)

    xxoo

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 5:08am

  58. 58: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    And since there was no download link available for Day 1, here’s the
    instant download link to the Feelingization meditation by Arielle Ford

    >>> Click this link and meditation 1 will start downloading automatically

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 5:30am

  59. 59: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    54

    I feel grateful for Vi feeling thankful for her latte.
    I have been feeling guilty about mine.
    I will stop feeling guilty and start appreciating and feeling good about the ways I find comfort :D

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 5:38am

  60. 60: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://www.omvana.com/

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 5:39am

  61. 61: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I love the tips in this from Dominique !

    Goes right in line with where my heart is leading me. I spend too much time with a self centered negative man before and it did affect me negatively in so many ways.

    A thankfulness journal and adding in how you feel about that individual thing is fantastic. Practical hands on can do suggestion to help me practice my openness and receiving. I want to thankfulness and expressing feeling messages to be like breathing. :)

    —–

    As for my decision to be done seeing racecardriverCD..
    I feel it was the correct thing to do for me.I felt I was compromised. The mindset I had while dating several men and the three in my regular rotation all summer and fall thru January this year is still with me even though I am only seeing FavoriteCD right now. Dating like that truely did facilitate so much health in my mind, body and spirit. There has been such a shift in me.

    FavoriteCD is consistently the dearest man. He embodies pretty much everything I am be looking for in a partner. The more time we spend together the more I realize it on sooo many levels. I could fall in love with this man and see myself with him content and purring for a very very long long time.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:02am

  62. 62: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hm. I am wondering whether to reply to MrP, but really, I do not feel inspired to…so maybe no.

    I met with Curly and he was being very cute. He apologized profusely for our misunderstanding and said that I took it all too personally. I said yes, but I guess that is what we do as humans when someone tries to ridicule us because he feels threatened (which is what happened…this other guy).
    He said he felt terrible when he saw me walk off and being upset, and when he started chasing me with the car and I just walked on, he felt even worse because it was dark and I was walking alone bla bla.

    Ok – fair enough. He is not at all my forever man, and oh more issues, he now has female housemates that call him up and tell him how their day was…no sex but obviously emotional relationships with other women. That’s not for me, he is not for me… but we had some fun…I am considering to keep seeing him every now and then, for fun and nothing else. I kinda hinted at that subtlely and he seems fine with it, in fact, elated. He said that he would like the whole pie of Tam, but failing that, he would rather have a slice of it than nothing at all….

    And I am sick of being alone all the time. Really.
    And I am really not in love – at all.
    So, no harm.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:09am

  63. 63: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Curly asked me yesterday whether I wanted him to be my Valentine. Haha. I said ‘nah, I am going to be my own Valentine’….
    He laughed and said ‘oh, yeah, I should have known you’d say that!’

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:14am

  64. 64: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Today’s challenge: no leaning forward. No physical leaning forward specially. We’ll see…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:35am

  65. 65: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique: I am sooooo happy for you!!! This is amazing work!! :-) YAY

    I think this part alone, even without all the other amazing teachings, is invaluable: “I will teach you how to become aware of and release tension in your being which has resulted from an accumulation of hurts and traumas you have sustained whether they be physical ones or emotional ones – this ALONE will give you a clarity about yourself and your surrounding world AND your relationship like nothing else”

    And yes…we are great friends (of which I am soooo grateful!!!) and tend to agree on advice nearly every time. As we’ve discussed before though…our delivery can be quite different. ;-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:36am

  66. 66: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka with regard to leaning forward, I find when I pay attention to my energy and consciously practice notice when my energy is leaning forward and practice the Letting Go tool, it is a lot easier to stop the physical leaning forward. I believe the inner work is the best place to begin as it shows up on the outside.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:46am

  67. 67: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Yaay, Dominique! You are wonderful.

    In other news, this really, really helped me recently:

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/when-hes-mad-at-you-is-he-just-mad-at-himself/

    I love this post…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 7:29am

  68. 68: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    FavoriteCD keeps me on my receiving toes. He will rarely let me “do”. I feel so full and my soul so fed this morning after spending relaxed extended time with him this week end. My words feel sp small in comparison to how I feel. I have never in my life been with such a genuinely giving man. My little dog who is usually unaccepting and aloof with men… turns into a pile of snuggle putty next to him. teehee

    He asked me weeks ago to be his valentine and inquired what I would like to do? Honestly, I just want to stay at in, eat at home. Cooking together is delightfully fun.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 7:31am

  69. 69: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Tam (from previous thread). X

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 8:10am

  70. 70: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    I have Dominique’s program. It’s awesome. I listen to it in the evening because it relaxes me. :)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 8:12am

  71. 71: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning ladies, I haven’t been on the blog much lately. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I was supposed to see K after business tomorrow night. Business was canceled for tomorrow so I told K with the hopes that he would still want to meet in the evening. Before I could even say anything, he told me that he wasn’t sure he could have met up anyway as he was thinking about going to CA to see his daughter. (he had already told me we would get together). I was crushed. Furthermore, he received a call so we couldn’t even discuss it. I spent most of the day on Friday crying. I tried to discuss it with him on Saturday morning but his daughter came in to town unexpectedly to see him so he said he would call me later. By Saturday evening, I had pretty much decided I was stepping way back and had an email written and saved to send, with Dominique’s help.

    He tried to call me early yesterday morning. I didn’t answer because I just didn’t feel like talking to him. My emotions were too raw. I waited all day to be sure that I wanted to send the email. I did. This is what I sent.

    “K,
    It’s becoming increasingly painful for me to continue on as we have been. My feelings are too much, and it feels too difficult. I don’t feel wanted. I don’t want to feel this way with you. I don’t want to carry on like this anymore. I want some time and some space. Please.”

    If he tries to get a hold of me, fine. If he doesn’t, fine. I’m doing this for me as his twice a week phone calls with no other contact aren’t enough for me. I’ve been on a rollercoaster and it’s time I got off.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 8:22am

  72. 72: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, from the other thread….

    When I say you’re not on your own side, I don’t mean not to let him lead. Absolutely let him. BUT WHEN IT’S MAKING YOU MISERABLE AND UNHAPPY AND ICKED OUT, YOU’RE TRYING TO BEND AND CONTORT YOURSELF TO PLEASE HIM INSTEAD OF SPEAKING UP FOR YOURSELF. I feel very disturbed by it.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 8:56am

  73. 73: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((Lori)))))))))

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:06am

  74. 74: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Indigo, I cried a little this morning but am pulling up my big girl panties. lol. I know I will be okay. I’m going to focus on me.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:08am

  75. 75: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Linda re.68

    I feel delighted for you. And I feel excited and encouraged to hear there are giving men like this in the world.
    It reinforces my resolve not to settle for less.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:14am

  76. 76: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    This is a long post, but if some ladies actually read it, I will feel really good knowing that I was able to share and vent.

    I had the most eye-opening weekend. I am still processing it.

    I took QZ out for a night of appreciation. And did he ever appreciate it! It brought tears to his eyes. I’m not sure anyone has ever just insisted on making something all about him, and if they did, he probably resisted and they gave up.

    And as I was DELIBERATELY overfunctioning, I was unapologetic about it and not worried about if it was going to ruin his feelings for me or our relationship. I took it to an extreme and even made him a crown out of construction paper. It was a lot of fun and he jokingly ‘decreed’ things like a king all night.

    This is where everything gets interesting. Because I had a designated outlet, in the form of a night just for him, in place for my overfunctioning energy, I had really filled up my ‘quota’ on that energy. And while I was otherwise acting as I normally would, I was able to feel just how much of that is a whole lot of overfunctioning. I mean LOADS OF OVERFUNCTIONING from me in our dynamic (and actually, from him too in a way… but that is something I will ‘worry about’ another time).

    The kind of overfunctioning I’m talking about is following up a lot of things I say or do to make sure he isn’t displeased. Noticing a look on his face or some body language on him and asking him if everything’s okay. Sometimes everything’s not okay when I ask. Sometimes there is something there he needs to say. Often I get excited or bold about a desire I have, and if he doesn’t show a lot of enthusiasm, I will check in with him to see if it’s okay, and even revoke my enthusiasm if he doesn’t seem to be on the same page as me.

    In short, I’m coddling him. And it’s driving me f*cking nuts now that I realize I’m doing it.

    Later that night, I started to fall asleep. I kicked him out for the night, as we discussed I might do. It was a little abrupt on my part… I was tired. But he started pouting a little bit. And acting like a child who doesn’t know how to speak up for himself but is obviously not getting a need met. He wasn’t bratty, but I even snapped at him “USE YOUR WORDS.” That’s when I knew something was off in the balance of relationship.

    He didn’t use his words. He pretended like he had nothing to say. I’m not stupid. He didn’t want to leave but he doesn’t feel comfortable speaking up for himself.

    He doesn’t know how, really. And he hasn’t been compelled to, because I have taken on the job of checking in on his emotional state and if he’s happy. And this is a little besides the point, but I see his mother and sister and best friend/roommate (who is a female) all treat him like how I have been. It’s like they’re terrified of him being unhappy. And I can see why. He doesn’t handle it very well, and has gotten used to other people tending to this. And he doesn’t even realize it!!!!! He actually believes that most people don’t care about his needs!!! WHAT A PUNK!!!!!!!!

    And on top of everything, when he broke up with me last year, it came sort of out of nowhere, because he had needs and things that were making him unhappy that I was unable/unwilling to GUESS and fuss over with him, and instead of voicing them specifically for himself, he BROKE IT OFF.

    And I keep telling him I worry about this happening again… that he’s so accomodating that I think it is just going to build resentment in him and cause problems in our relationship. And he tells me it’s no longer true and that he will speak up for himself. But he’s not speaking up for himself… and my gut tells me I might know him a little better than he knows himself in this particular case.

    haha. So you can see I started to feel resentful and turned off and scared. And I almost texted/called him the next day to tell him it was time for him to start taking responsibility for his own happiness and needs, and that I cannot trust a man who doesn’t. And that I’m sick of hearing him say that he is on top of it, because he’s actually not.

    But something about that felt very domineering, and also like I was just doing the thing I didn’t want to do anymore, which was take responsibility for his feelings and his needs by TELLING him to do it.

    I’ll finish up in a new comment.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:18am

  77. 77: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    So I’m not going to call him up and “make him wrong” about how he’s not speaking up for himself, and how it’s turning me into a fussy mess who feels drained and not even sure of WHO this man is she is dating because he doesn’t advocate for himself when needed.

    ugh, i feel f*cking tired and like punching him. What’s ironic is he probably thinks he’s being an amazing boyfriend who never says or does anything to the contrary of what he thinks i want. he is a classic martyr, ladies. it’s gotta stop, holy shxt.

    But I have had a huge hand in this. And I am going to do a 180 now and stop altogether. No more following up the things I say or do or suggest to make sure he’s not offended or on the same page. No more taking the driver’s wheel for his sharing of his feelings. he is going to have to drive himself. And it’s going to trigger me and freak me out to just stay quiet. I am going to worry that he’s holding resentment inside and is just going to break up with me again because he doesn’t have the skill set or sense of entitlement required to speak up for himself.

    And I find myself talking a lot. Probably 90% more than he does. I am just rowing the boat in a lot of ways. I ramble on and on, which I love to do…. but basically I am sharing and sharing and sharing about myself and my life and my feelings, and he isn’t, unless I prompt him to. And this is ABSOLUTELY FINE. We are basically still in the courtship phase and I can see he is opening up more and more, and it will just take some time. But my taking on the role of managing this aspect of our relationship is not helping to bring that day closer. It’s actually creating a superficial cop-out.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:28am

  78. 78: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    At work they created a new manager role, more senior than the one I thought I was ready for. They didnt opened this last one and will open only the big one.

    I felt sad at first cause that means no opportunity for me for a while.

    Our big VP, when she announced it said “if someone thinks this role is due to them, you can call me or Lara.”

    A few monutes after he call, I told myself this is my NVs telling me I am not ready for a role like this. What if I was and I just didnt know it?

    So I’m going to send an email to my boss and this VP and tell them I am ready for this role and that it is made for me!

    Why not! I’m a siren and I can do anything!

    Oh i feel a bit anxious about it though…

    Send good vibes please sirens!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:30am

  79. 79: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Rather, I should say I do 90% of the talking in our relationship. When he does talk, I interrupt, cuz I get excited to relate to him, haha.

    And when he talks, it’s generally to tell me how much he adores me. When he leaves messages or texts, 99.5% of the time it’s to say something about how much he loves me. He never says ‘this thing just happened to me’ or ‘i was just thinking this about this random thing.’ Sometimes it’s like his only purpose is to adore me, and it’s making me like him LESS. Because I don’t just need an admirer. I need a human. A partner. Someone with feelings and wants and needs and gripes. And I am feeling a growing sense of mistrust for him and our relationship because I can’t FEEL who he really is a lot of the time. I know it in an abstract sense because we’ve known each other since we were kids, but from moment to moment, he doesn’t let me, or anyone really, in.

    I think he feels his purpose is to avoid being displeasing (read: selfish) to others. He feels like a failure and retreats into a cave when he isn’t able to do this (because he ultimately does tend to his needs… he just lets himself be ‘backed in a corner,’ so to speak).

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:44am

  80. 80: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – I feel nervous for you. something is definitely going on with you.

    I just want to ask ( or maybe you could ask yourself)

    why give QZ a night of appreciation?
    Did he do something to merit that?
    Why isn’t your feeling happy, grateful, and responsive and your communicating those feelings enough to show appreciation to QZ?

    “Noticing a look on his face or some body language on him and asking him if everything’s okay. Sometimes everything’s not okay when I ask. Sometimes there is something there he needs to say…”

    Girl, why are you all up in your head worrying about him?

    when you notice “a look” on his face, how do YOU feel?

    why not communicate how YOU feel?

    maybe everything’s not okay with him, because he can feel how NOT OKAY everything is with you?

    remember, men fall in love by doing things for women, not by women doing things for them.

    he might’ve been feeling guilty or put off or weird or icky by all that you were doing for him, but didn’t want to say anything, because he didn’t want to make YOU feel bad?

    What do you think?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:55am

  81. 81: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    So in conclusion, I can’t talk my way into this one by telling him i want him to act differently, if I am just going to keep up what I’ve been doing to really encourage the dynamic.

    From now on my goals are as follows:
    -talk less
    -ask him what he thinks to allow him to lead.
    -refrain from probing when he states a preference (which is usually just to do whatever he thinks i want, lol) by asking things like “are you sure?”
    -let it go when he ‘seems’ unhappy. remind myself that it’s his job to speak up for himself when he has a preference, not my job to see if his “no, i have no preference” actually means he does have a preference that is important to him.

    I have to lean back a whole lot more and let him come into it on his own. I have tried this before and it caused great confusion in him, and I chickened out and gave up after a day or so.

    Ladies, is there maybe something short and sweet and nonblamey i could say to him so he knows that I’m not just turning cold and hateful on him? In the past when I didn’t coddle him when he seemed unhappy, he interpreted it as my not wanting to because I wasn’t interested in his feelings or thoughts. For example, on Saturday night I wanted him to leave my place so I could go to bed, and I could tell he didn’t like it, but I stopped myself from seeing if that was “ok” with him to give him the chance to say he’d rather stay. I can tell he took it to mean that he had better not “cause problems” for me because I made it clear what I want.

    I need him to step up his presence in the relationship. I feel like he is a holograph and I am pedaling a bicycle to keep him powered up. Like he is flickering and tenuous unless I constantly tend to it.

    Ugh, I am feeling so drained.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:56am

  82. 82: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    80 lama, maybe you should read the rest of my comments:). i told ya it would be a long one!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:57am

  83. 83: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been asked out for Thursday (Valentines Day) by two different men, & have a date with a 3rd tonight. I’m not doing the rowing with any of these men, & it feels amazing. *Sigh of relief.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:57am

  84. 84: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, whoa. How about breathing? Inhale, exhale.
    And then focusing on yourself for a while, i e the rest of the day. And then re-evaluate when you’re home.
    There seems to be a lot of overfunctioning/over-analysing here. Do you believe you know this man better than he knows himself?
    Speaking from experience, for me that was a slippery road and it was not paved with success.
    I’d turn around…back to the road to myself and how I feel.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:00am

  85. 85: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla re: comment #79 – again, I’ll ask, what is going on with YOU. whenever you are THINKING ABOUT HIM, you are NOT FEELING YOU.

    what if, instead of even communicating your feelings, you just felt them?

    maybe just sit in silence with QZ. Let yourself get to a place where YOU FEEL comfortable with the silence.

    When you truly feel comfortable with the silence, with YOURSELF, he then may feel comfortable to speak up about what HE IS THINKING/FEELING.

    Imagine if you were with a man who NEVER STOPPED TALKING. You had plenty to say, sure, but he never stopped talking long enough for you to have a chance to speak.

    In fact, you could tell his need to speak was SO DEEP, that you couldn’t dare speak, because YES, YOU CARE.

    Maybe when he senses that you’re AT PEACE and READY TO LISTEN, he might just open up.

    and then, do LISTEN.

    hope this makes sense…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:07am

  86. 86: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    hehe, it’s hard to keep up, Starla!

    If I were you, I would take some time to myself to really feel my feelings…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:13am

  87. 87: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    do you feel scared?
    do you feel invisible?
    do you feel unheard?
    do you feel shaky, trembly?
    do you feel angry?

    do you feel weepy, sad, imbalanced?
    do you feel too much?
    do you feel over-bearing?

    how do you feel, Starla?

    ((((Starla))))

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:16am

  88. 88: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Well I do feel a little scared and shaky – HERE. I just said I want to stop this and I hate how the dynamic has been laid… and I’m saying I didn’t notice until this weekend when I actually had a defined target for my overfunctioning (a date night for him) and was able to step back and see where I was in the habit of rowing the boat for us.

    I feel really unheard here, ladies. I’m saying I am changing this. That the thinkiness of it all is just killing me and I need it to stop.

    I don’t feel good being told to imagine how awful it feels to be with someone who never stopped talking, and that I should really knock that off, when I just SAID that is exactly what I intend to do.

    I’m being lectured for things I didn’t conclude. I know I wrote a lot but i get the feeling maybe not all my words were read.

    Now it’s my turn to encourage YOU LADIES to take a minute to consider how your rushing to give advice and your thoughts before you’ve even read all the details and conclusions, plays out in your personal lives and in your inner landscape. Maybe there’s a lesson here for you too.

    and i’ve had a day and a half to think about it… i don’t need to ‘spend another day seeing how i feel.’

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:24am

  89. 89: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Miss M – 66 – Thank you my friend. So lovely are your words.

    xxoo

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:26am

  90. 90: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    k2012

    Are you internet dating? That is a great way to meet guys, and you don’t need a friend to do it with you. Or joining an interest group, like a hiking club or taking up salsa dancing. Usually single people who are also there on their own. There must be some guys at church? Hanging out by the coffee cups is a great place to start up a conversation :)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:27am

  91. 91: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    ((Starla)) changing habits/walking new, & different paths can feel so triggering. I feel & can relate with you. I have total faith that you’ll find your balance in all of this.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:31am

  92. 92: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I know I wrote a lot so let me be much clearer and more obvious about what I need!

    In short — I realized I’m overfunctioning with my man by reading his body language and facial expressions, both on their own and in response to me, because we’re in a loop where he doesn’t speak up for himself unless I prompt him (and sometimes even insist a few times). I also talk way too much, even though he swears he loves to hear it, I can feel the drainingness of it and like I’m using up energy that I shouldn’t be.

    So I am going to change this up by talking a lot less, listening more, and not reacting to his facial expressions and body language by fussing over if he’s okay. Our dynamic is very well established in this way, so my question is if/what I should say something to him to let him know i won’t be talking or fussing as much anymore, but it doesn’t mean i don’t want him to speak up for himself?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:32am

  93. 93: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla

    I read everything you wrote, and as a veteran of a 5 year marriage and another long relationship, I really do relate to what you are saying.

    I feel that your soul is experiencing real frustration here in this issue with QZ, and I know that feeling *oh so well*. When you just *know* you are picking up on something, ie. his unwillingness to express his needs, and you are at a loss as to what to *do* about it. Yet the concern won’t go away because it’s screaming at you so often when you’re around him.

    And it’s causing you to feel fear for your relationship, because this was a legitimate concern the last time, and somewhere inside you, you intuitively know that this is something which needs to be dealt with or it could cause problems.

    I’m not going to say I know the best way to handle this, except to maybe really sit with the concern for a day or two, and see if something else or a good way of handling it comes up. I don’t know that these things are necessarily easily solved… I think they are a result of authentic living. Just wanted to say that I *hear* you. X

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:37am

  94. 94: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, sweetie, I didn’t say anything about it “feeling awful” to be with someone who never stopped talking. If he’s like a lot of guys I know, he may very well be thoroughly enjoying it!

    I hear you not happy with him not speaking up, but the thing is, a man can’t speak up if he isn’t given the opportunity to speak up…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:39am

  95. 95: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    you know, in general, i need some push back from him. i don’t feel very trusting of him because he is so eager to please me. i feel like it will lead to resentment on his part. i find myself being halfway domineering to him at times… almost like i want him to get mad and fight back, just so i KNOW he’s freaking capable of it and that I can trust him to advocate for himself so I don’t have to worry about us BOTH.

    For example, he texted last night to see if I was free friday and sunday. He’s done amazingly in making advance plans with me… i just love it. and I asked him “what of valentines day?” which is thursday. And I swear to you ladies, I was hoping he would text me back and say “actually i’d rather celebrate that on Friday, instead of driving 2 hours just to see you for an hour or so on a worknight.” But instead he said he would whisk me away on thursday night for a short while. And I can’t trust that it’s his true desire, or if he just interpreted my question as “you better not get this wrong, you f*ck up.”

    oiiiiiiiiiiiiii it is very confusing. i have myself the nicest man ever. who i fear is also a ticking time bomb, as he did blow up the relationship last time.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:39am

  96. 96: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – What is it you want to say? There’s a lot here, yet I’m not getting a clear sense about what you want to communicate to him. I hear that you want to change your behaviors, so just go ahead and do this. There’s no need to tell him this. About the words, are they needed? Try to get what you want to say down to a sentence or two, so we have something to work with. Sound doable?

    xxoo

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:42am

  97. 97: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    Ahhh…Starla, could any of these fears be related to how the relationship was handled last time?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:42am

  98. 98: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “I hear you not happy with him not speaking up, but the thing is, a man can’t speak up if he isn’t given the opportunity to speak up…”

    RIGHT. the whole point of everything I posted was to say in conclusion, i am going to talk less.

    holy shxt.

    i feel so frustrated. i’m not mad at you lama, i’m just triggered……. i’ve often felt in life like people will try to offer ‘corrective’ advice even when they’re being redundant, because they enjoy the feeling they get from it, not because they give a shxt about my situation beyond the gratification they get from giving advice that makes them feel useful or right.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:42am

  99. 99: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    97 moving magic

    yes, absolutely. he says things are different but i can tell they’re not. i’m not stupid and i do know him pretty well, and i know my gut is right here. it’s not ‘fixed’ at all. the pattern is exactly the same. but i am PART of the problem. i want to change my part before i go ‘correcting’ him.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:44am

  100. 100: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Okay Starla you wrote 94 while I was writing, yet I don’t see anything here to communicate to him. I don’t think you need to announce to him what you plan on changing within yourself. Just do it, and see what unfolds. Be curious. Cross the word bridge when and if you need to.

    xxoo

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:44am

  101. 101: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    what if you just said nothing, Starla?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:45am

  102. 102: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    aw, Starla, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to trigger you. I just feel a lot going on inside of you, and can relate to the whole “talking way more than he does” dynamic.

    (((Starla)))

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:48am

  103. 103: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “it would feel good for me to talk less and listen more. it would also feel so good and relieving if i let go of my habit of kinda always fussing over if you’re okay and reading your expressions and body language, and just trusted you to speak up for yourself from this point forward. what do you think?”

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:50am

  104. 104: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh lama ((((((lama)))))))) it’s not your fault but it means a lot to me that you care, thank you:)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:52am

  105. 105: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, you are awesome!!! I feel all fuzzy and connected and understood. :)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:55am

  106. 106: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique/Lama 100-101

    I fear if I said nothing, he will intepret it as my way of putting up walls to keep him from saying anything to the contrary of what he thinks i want.

    seriously. hmm maybe i could mention that

    “it would feel good for me to talk less and listen more. it would also feel so good and relieving if i let go of my habit of kinda always fussing over if you’re okay and reading your expressions and body language, and just trusted you to speak up for yourself from this point forward. **it would feel really good to also be similarly given the trust that I will speak up for myself, too, so that you don’t stop yourself for my ‘benefit’**. what do you think”

    urgh, it’s getting pretty long.

    we need out of this dynamic. and i have major faith in us that it’s possible.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:06am

  107. 107: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t like adding in the part about him trusting me to speak up for myself, so that he doesn’t silence himself trying to read my mind. it makes it about him. i don’t want to do that. i am a big part of the problem and i want this to be about what i’m going to do differently now.

    ohhh it would feel so relaxing to just sit back and listen to him more, and to rarely have to make decisions about what to say or do based on his facial expressions and body language.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:12am

  108. 108: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Lori 74

    I feel admiration for what you have said to K here, I felt touched by it, it sounded like it came from the heart. And I admire your strength. I think you are doing the right thing, and I’m sure you can feel that.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:15am

  109. 109: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry ladies i got pretty uptight with all of you for a minute there, but i really appreciate all the help and support. really!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:17am

  110. 110: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Ok… I have not been regulary on blog and probably continue to be irregurarly, but I just wanted to share this.

    Already 3 months now I have been dating (among others) Lawyer CD. I don´t remember if I got to mention him on the blog or not.

    It started out really slow, as I didn´t feel too interested nor didn´t feel big attraction at the beginning. He also had characteristics like being 14 years older than me, divorced and already having 2 kids of his own. There was a time I would have crossed him out of my list because of that. But the thing is, he made me feel good. Already from the beginning. So I just continued to accept his invites for dates (really nice ones they were), while being overwhelmed with emotion and having a crush on other more “hot” cd-s I was going out simultaneously, like really masculine MotoCD or really charming talker DeepVoice CD. They eventually weeded themselves out… Lawyer CD continued around… so fast foward to today, 3 months later:

    He just passed by my house in the middle of his working day because according to his words, he just needed to see me and give me a hug.

    This combined with his long mail yesterday, where he among other things told he feels that he is falling in love with me.. is starting to feel big.

    And also that he has made already in depth research about the possibilities to get married by church if he is already once been married by catholic church & divorced.. It seems in lutheran protestant church (where I am a member) it´s depending on the country and a concrete parish &it´s pastor to decide if a new marriage would be possible & that it is possible in the anglicanic church.

    I feel a tiny bit strange, but at the same time very good. I would have expected to feel overwhelmed if I get all this attention and notice I´m becoming really important to him. But in fact, I continue to feel good and relaxed around him & enjoying of receiving all this energy he has coming towards me. He says he is even “holding back” in attention a bit to not make me feel overwhelmed.

    And then I remember all these times I was suffering with whichever man I liked as he didn´t call, didn´t message or didn´t want to see me as often as I would like… In general terms, just didn´t give me the attention I needed. I though that is how it is and will be always, that my needs just somehow are bigger and I have to forever accept always feeling a bit of a lack. That men are not that way and the relationship is not so much in their interest as in mine.
    How silly I was!
    Now I just have it all and it really exists. And it feels good & easy and I don´t feel a lack of anything. I feel there is love poured all over me. :)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:18am

  111. 111: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    honestly, i can recall only one time in the past that he texted me about anything but his good feelings for me… it was too tell me he’s having a stressful day but that thoughts of me are getting him through it. it was like he doesn’t feel comfortable saying anything purely negative about anything, but not because of some ethic but because he’s worried it will cause problems or make people think he’s a whiner.

    i keep sensing and he has also told me that he often feels with people in general that he isn’t welcome to vent or talk about himself.

    but if we’re going to have a full, true relationship, he has to bring his full self to the table.

    i feel so sad and understanding of his feeling like his identity is less important than those around him, especially those he’s closest with. I am recovering from feeling that way my whole life. We were raised by shxtty parents, and it happens. But I also can’t fix that for him, even though he might let me try. i just shouldn’t.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:22am

  112. 112: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    haha, i’m doing it here too. i need to stop talking and let people respond to me here!!!

    haha my habit is HUGE!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:24am

  113. 113: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Starla))))

    I followed you. That hologram comparison was so on point. I feel your exhaustion.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:24am

  114. 114: ViNo Gravatar says:

    YAY Lizka re 78! :-)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:25am

  115. 115: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, you are my siren hero!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:26am

  116. 116: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies, I still feel guilty about telling SMC I couldn’t be friends with him via facebook. cowardly, no?

    I feel like I should’ve told him that back when he was all trying to talk to me when his gf was out of town.

    bleh, but that didn’t feel good to do either.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:26am

  117. 117: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    It must feel weird to not know if a man is speaking from his true desire or from his desire to please his woman.

    I’m not sure it matters which it is (if his true desire IS to please me).
    For me the mindf*ck comes when I am questioning his motive for wanting to please me.
    Is he acting from fear? That to me feels all kind of weird.

    I start to feel fearful when I think that he will resent doing things to please me.

    I am suffering the backlash of this. I have an angry man at home who has turned. He never used to speak up. One day he reached his breaking point, went into severe depression and sought counselling.
    His anger is evident, as he tells me how he is now ‘standing up for himself’ after feeling controlled by me for two years.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:27am

  118. 118: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    “Babe I feel bad when I talk a lot & don’t listen so much. And when I try to read things into your facial expressions. I just want you to know that I want to change this & I’m working on it because it feels really important to me & to us.”

    Starla, I use something like this whenever there’s something I want to communicate to my fiance. I just try to keep it short & sincere.

    Sometimes I don’t say anything & just let my actions speak & other times I feel better letting him know.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:28am

  119. 119: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Some men that I know are incredibly self resilient. You wouldn’t know it to look at them, but it’s ALL going on inside. A friend of mine is like this and he likes to handle everything himself. I am sort of thinking the strong silent type. Is QZ like this?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:29am

  120. 120: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I believe it is excellent to read a person’s body language as most of communication is non-verbal. Also I do believe that men want us to use or intuition more and communicate from that. Having said that I will mention that I have read coaches suggesting to use “I notice that (you grabbed your head when I mentioned or you were clicking the pen when……………) and Rori’s magic words “Is there something I need to know?” If he doesn’t open up immediately you can let him know in your own words that whenever he is ready to talk you will be available to listen. I have used this technique with good results. I understand that they feel you get them when you can feel their emotional state without all the words. Many times they don’t have the words to express their feelings.

    Where I see any kind of error is the insistence, Rori called this the Inquisitor, I believe. Also the talk too much. She wrote a post about meeting a man where he is at “if he is bummed out you say oh cra, that sounds a bummer. I get it. I totally get how you’re feeling”. Meet him there and stay quiet. Don’t ask him to change anything. This is where the cleaning out the purse tool come in handy. She says don’t start a conversation and don’t ask him what went wrong. She says to just stay warm and happy. Don’t try to fix anything just live with the unpleasantness. Flow with the good times and bad.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:31am

  121. 121: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    the reason I feel guilty is because

    A. He was looking at me like he was extremely angry. this happened to be while I was laughing and talking with friends, and made me feel soooo guilty
    B. We ran SMACK DAB into each other at school. Like, walking up the stairs to enter the tiny doors at the same exact time. I felt sooooo awful. Nervous and like my heart and dropped down to the ground and like I was going to throw up…
    C. Class material lately has seemed to be dealing with issues of honesty and communication. and the examples given are just UNCANNY.

    I feel worried that he’s going to write me off for “cowardly character” or something.

    Don’t know why I’m still feeling this way…feels icky and sad and confusing…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:32am

  122. 122: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    As far as mistakes go, I remember Rori saying that they are part of the dance. You have to make them to learn. A great man will stay with you as you learn to change the steps together.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:32am

  123. 123: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    One more point. It’s something I *try* and do but fail miserably! In my head I try and turn it into a sort of joke, like he wants to speak up but he’s more interested in thinking about what he’a going to have for his tea, or he’s got a sore foot, or his got an itchy on his bottom, or just something that’s really silly. That was it helps diffuse the intensity of it.

    I’m not sure if that makes sense. And, I myself, really really struggle to do it!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:34am

  124. 124: VioletteNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii, congratulations on experiencing a nice dynamic! He adores you because of what you’re giving off. You are powerful because you are a woman!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:35am

  125. 125: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    april rose, exactly! and i’m sorry you’re dealing w this now.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:36am

  126. 126: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so sad and understanding of his feeling like his identity is less important than those around him, especially those he’s closest with

    Starla reading this reminded me of Katie Hendricks video I watched. I am thinking a soft touch on the arm and a hhhhmmmm with your eyes closed like you are feeling this down to your toes could communicate that you get him, more than your words can.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:36am

  127. 127: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Hey…someone knows until when this Rori’s special Vday offer is available (all the programs for price of 2)? Couldn´t really make it right now but I am really interested in this offer, so wonder if it would maybe last somemore time after Valentines day?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:39am

  128. 128: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I believe Rori’s dance position, palms up are somewhat body languge cues to communicate to a man that you are open to his approach and influence.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:41am

  129. 129: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla for writing your situation and thoughts. It is helping me to find clarity with mine.

    WM never used to disagree with me. Verbally, that is. He voted with his feet. I made it clear what I wanted and expected of him. He made noises of accord. But his actions said the opposite. I smelled defiance. I got angry, asking him “Why did you say you would do ….. if you had no intention of doing it?”

    I have looked at this pattern and conclude that, as the man, HE wants to have the ideas.

    Unfortunately, and according to Carol Allen’s compatibility report, the energy in the relationship flows from me to him. Which means I have the ideas first. I’m wanting things from him way before he has even thought of them. It’s like I am always waiting for him. If I approach him, he says “I was just about to come to you”. It feels maddening.

    I’m engaged in a mighty effort to hold my expectations back and allow him to show his love in his own way and his own time.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:42am

  130. 130: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I got a huge email from Meet Your Sweet about body language that started with:-

    Habitually, we think that we derive meaning from WORDS.

    But ACTUALLY, studies have proven that we
    derive less than 9% of the meaning of any human
    interaction from what people say.

    The rest is inferred from the posture, placement, and positioning of our bodies.

    If you want to be attractive, more popular, and
    irresistibly sexy, then the easiest and fastest thing you can do to achieve that end is to PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY LANGUAGE.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:44am

  131. 131: VioletteNo Gravatar says:

    Ahh, my post about D didn’t post! Annoying…

    I said that I feel clarity about our fight, in the future I would change the way I voiced my discomfort with his behavior at the party frankly by adding compliments on both ends, and really keep it about how I felt, even at the risk of being less than totally clear…
    Also I see that he was reacting badly to what I said, (even though I was a little blamey I said it all in feeling messages and frankly not that harshly…)he was punishing me. So in the future I wouldn’t try to find a way to let him resolve it…I’d just walk away and let him try to fix it or not.

    Anyway, I am breathing, thankful for the growth and RELEASING!

    I am happy to see him and talk to him next. We have plans for Valentines. It will be interesting to see how he behaves since our argument. I still like him and want to continue to date, but I am prepared to be ok no matter how he behaves.

    And I’m going to a comedy show tonight with a fun girlfriend and we’re going to flirt with everyone there, and look beautiful, and light up the place with our light!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:45am

  132. 132: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    *or his got an itch on his bottom, or just something that’s really silly. That way it helps diffuse the intensity of it.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:46am

  133. 133: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Bingo – 107 – Starla – added to a couple of concise sentences.

    xxoo

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:47am

  134. 134: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    He has come forward and surprised me with his actions – yesterday an unexpected kiss. This morning a card!

    I had to make the space for him to come forward, and it involves me leaning back to the point of almost forgetting that he exists!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:47am

  135. 135: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    fw, it’s interesting about body language with me and him. we don’t actually believe in it on an intellectual level — we are seriously wordy individuals. he’s an author and a teacher and i am a linguist.

    but the body language thing is so key.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:47am

  136. 136: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Talking about feet:-

    Hint: ankle-crossing is the bodily equivalent of biting your lip, or chewing on your fingernails: it makes you look like you’re bottling something up.

    4. FEET SPEAK LOUDER THAN LIPS!

    Here’s an interesting fact about the language of the body: the further away from our faces a signal is being generated, the more likely it is to be true.

    This is because our faces, as our primary canvases for communication, are under our strictest control.

    It’s not that difficult for somebody to make their face convey emotions that they’re not really feeling: we smile when we’re actually embarrassed, or remain neutral when, actually, we want to cry.

    This degree of control gradually recedes the further down our bodies (away from our faces) we
    go.

    So someone can consciously relax their shoulders, and make themselves appear relaxed when they’re actually a ball of tension – but they’re less likely to be able to disguise the anxious tapping of their fingers against the tabletop, for example.

    Your feet, as the furthest away sign-makers of your entire body, are the most reliable indicators of sexual attraction that you can find.

    And the best part? The language of the feet is EASY TO READ.

    We use our feet like signposts to point towards what we want.

    So, for example, when you’re talking to somebody and you’re really in a rush to get going, you might be able to disguise this fact out of simple politeness by angling your torso towards them, smiling, and nodding when they speak.

    But what you probably don’t realize is that your feet are broadcasting your desire to hit the road, loud and clear: at least one foot will be pointing in the direction that you wish you were headed in.
    This rule is easy to adapt for social and romantic situations.

    Trying to figure out if someone’s really enjoying their conversation with you? Dart a quick glance at their feet. If his feet are pointing squarely at you, toes-on, then that shows distinct interest (especially if they don’t shift around).

    If, on the other hand, one or both feet are pointing away – or if he’s fidgeting around or crossing one ankle over the other – that indicates
    uncertainty or a desire to get away.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:50am

  137. 137: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – I remember Rori encouraging to just stop yourself. PUT YOUR HAND OVER YOUR MOUTH. I was shocked when I read that.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:53am

  138. 138: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 78 Lizka

    Wowwow! You are my Siren-hero too! :) Of course you are ready! Good vibes going your way!!!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:57am

  139. 139: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Ahhh, work today was so stressful..

    I’m sensing such a negative energy from one of my bosses.

    Every time I ask him anything he says he’ll get back to me and he never does. He can never give me a straight answer.

    He isn’t giving me hardly any work and when I complain he says things will pick up soon and to enjoy it because when it gets busy it will be mega busy.

    I’ve been working there 4 months now and I still haven’t had a consistent work flow and it’s demoralising and depressing. I can feel I feel low energy when I am in the office..

    I have tried to speak to other managers as well but they just refer me back to him.

    My main issue is I keep thinking is it me? Would someone else in my position handle this differently? Would they handle it better?

    Today he spent the best part of a meeting telling me about the various people who did my job before me and how none of them really fitted in. He made it sound like he didn’t want or try to help anybody fit in.

    Surely, it can’t just be a case of hiring the wrong man for the job. I don’t know why but my senses tell me to be very dubious/suspicious of what is going on…

    I feel like I can’t breathe at work. I feel like they are ALL spying on me and reporting back to each other. I also feel if I say one thing to one of them, then it gets back to the other.

    I feel paranoid – I feel like I am walking on eggs shells.

    I also think – please – I hope I’ve got this wrong and it’s just my NV’s.

    Sorry for the long post… just needed to vent it off my chest..

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:58am

  140. 140: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    fw 136 so interesting, but i had to stop reading, cuz it seemed like a manual for how i could better read his body language, which i need to knock off hahaha

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:58am

  141. 141: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla something here might resonate with you

    http://www.hendricks.com/four-pillars-integrity-video-series?utm_source=iContact&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=The%20Hendricks%20Institute%20Newsletter&utm_content=Newsletter+09JAN13

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:01pm

  142. 142: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla

    I´m just in the middle of reading your processing on this thread, but it has already enormously helped me to realise so many things. I love how aware you are of all the subtle dynamics in your relationship. Thank you for sharing!!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:01pm

  143. 143: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Hugs…. I too was left feeling a bit fearful of silent resentment after my marriage. Like April Rose’s man (hugs to you too lady!) mine would agree to things, then leave me hanging. Or “go along with” something but be so unpleasant to be around whilst doing the thing he went along with. I became anxious to ask him to do anything, because either I was left in the uncomfortable position to have to ask again… or I would have to feel the discomfort of the quiet discontent bubbling below the surface. It became easier and felt better to just try to do things completely on my own, or to ask someone else. And waiting for him to “offer” felt just as frustrating. It became too exhausting to try to figure out if he “really” wanted to do something or not.

    At the beginning, with Mr A, he would offer to do something for me, I would ask “are you sure?” like a dozen times. When he was all… “what’s up with that?” I explained that I was feeling fearful of resentment brewing. But that I wanted to feel relaxed around this and just believe people say what they mean and do what they want. That it would feel soooo good not to have to worry about figuring it out or tiptoeing around because I could just trust them to kindly disagree or sweetly say no to me.

    He said that he only does what he wants to do and only offers what he’s willing to happily give. That felt great to hear.

    I also notice that with him, I hardly ever actually ASK for anything. i talk about my feelings and he’s just always in problem solver mode and happy to offer solutions.

    I don’t know if I was more resistant to my ex’s solutions (maybe we just weren’t well-matched that way… he didn’t really “get me”) or he just didn’t offer, but I believe the whole ASKING dynamic is what got the energy all out of whack. Like April Rose said, HE needed to have the ideas, but I moved too fast for him, or was impatient, or didn’t mesh with his “solutions.”

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:03pm

  144. 144: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I suspect the Love Forever class address the body language issue

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:04pm

  145. 145: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    S Ryan – welcome, and so sorry for the confusion and pain here – men do what they want. He’s soft-soaping you. If he wanted to keep in touch, he would. Now it’s YOUR turn to keep moving forward!!! Get your profile back up online, start Circular Dating, and see what he does – if he calls you, etc…Love, Rori

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:06pm

  146. 146: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ 125 Violette

    Thank you!!! :)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:11pm

  147. 147: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yayy Ulii!!!!!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:13pm

  148. 148: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Scared – Please believe me here, and believe your own statistics. HPV is not incurable, and is not life-threatening if you catch it early, and can be contracted through all kinds of skin-to-skin contact that a condom doesn’t cover. So – most women with an active sex life might have it. What’s important here is to get and stay as healthy as you can – and there are all kinds of herbal and holistic remedies for this that have track records – go search on the web and find a naturopathic doctor with a track record for it. There are all kinds of ONLINE DATING SITES! for people with all kinds of STDs and other health issues – diabetics, people with HIV, I know because I just googled them for you.

    You can tell a man before you have sex with him, because you need to have a discussion about what sex “means” anyway, and you need to ask him if HE has any STDs, too! Love, Rori

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:14pm

  149. 149: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, thanks:) I don’t actually ask for anything. It’s like… when we’re trying to figure things out together, or he’s asking ME what i think.

    and also, just in response to me voicing an opinion on something philosophical or political… if his body language doesn’t seem ‘pleased,’ i will go into this mode.

    a lot of it is all on me. i am terrified of displeasing people.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:15pm

  150. 150: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow FW are all these videos free?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:16pm

  151. 151: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yes I got them in an email and I watched them. They are not long.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:18pm

  152. 152: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you:)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:21pm

  153. 153: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ok well i did just text him that i want to hear about him and his day and to even hear him vent sometimes. that it would feel so good and connecting to hear about the non-couple stuff, like i could connect to him as a human and not just his feelings for me. i’m paraphrasing but you get the idea, ladies.

    that was easy. i figured i’d at least get the easy/harmless one out of the way. i’m still undecided about if/what to say about my talking and reacting less.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:27pm

  154. 154: Shar Lean Way BackNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, Love it.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:31pm

  155. 155: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ooh i am really proud of myself.

    and i am remembering again that having faith in the big picture and going slow to get there really work great, especially for me and him.

    like how i knew there would be plenty of time for us to discuss the ‘bad’ stuff about our break up, instead of urgently hitting him over the head with it. i practiced patience knowing the time would come, and it did. and it came in a beautiful way.

    i feel sad that he is more skilled at apologizing than he is at standing up for himself. just sad for him. i love him and i want better for him.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:31pm

  156. 156: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    This one specifically speaks to using how another is taking in communication, whole body inclusion and being influenced by how the person “groks”. How are they taking this in:- facial expression, change in posture. She describes it as a game of tennis.

    http://www.hendricks.com/authentic-speaking-and-resonant-listening-iii

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:35pm

  157. 157: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Femininewoman

    Thank you!!!! :)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:40pm

  158. 158: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW always comes through with da resources!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:44pm

  159. 159: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i love this situation i’m having, though. it’s forcing me to look at parts of myself that i was mostly unaware of. and i love that i do have room to grow in this relationship… qz affords that to me and in the case of affording me room to grow, i KNOW he does it because it’s his true desire.

    Aww, it might help me to focus on some of the things he does that I do feel for a fact are the result of his true desire.

    And once he spoke up because i wouldn’t let him get a word in edge wise when we were ‘fighting’ about something. that was good!

    he just doesn’t speak up until he has that “gonna explode’ feeling. but this is a good start!!! better to speak up when you’re going to explode than not at all!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 12:49pm

  160. 160: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    oh man, I just had this horrible thought. what if SMC was trying to talk to me over break because he realized that he missed me and was thinking about breaking up with his gf?

    but I was so closed off and scared and angry and assuming, and then I wrote him that stupid fb message, and then he was just like “forget it.”

    and THAT’s why he got so angry?

    arrrrgggggg.

    someone please help/offer insight.

    I feel like a crazy person.

    I feel scared, sad, angry, and confused.

    and I miss him…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:06pm

  161. 161: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    and now I feel like I have “to wait.” I even felt like he might’ve wanted to talk to me the other night, but I just had all these fears and assumptions in my head, and walked away…

    I feel really scared and sad and like beating myself up…

    but shouldn’t he end one relationship before he begins another?

    but where’s the security in that?

    there is none.

    it’s scary and brave and risky.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:09pm

  162. 162: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((Iamabutterfly))))))))

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:10pm

  163. 163: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    seriously though, if he really cared, wouldn’t he end the one relationship first?

    I feel lousy, second-rate, and not chosen.

    and I feel lousy because while I would like to CD, I have no idea HOW.

    Men flirt with me all the time, but never ask me out.
    I have walls. I know I have walls.

    I ran SMACk DAB into Mr. Stares Me Down. It didn’t feel good. He was looking at me with a million expectations. I can literally FEEL THEM. “Come talk to me. Come flirt with me.” I feel like that what’s he’s always saying without saying it.

    I want to be like “IF YOU WANT ME SO MUCH, WHY DON’T YOU COME OVER HERE, YOU DIMWIT?”

    I feel embarrassed and pouty and full of expectations.

    I feel stuck.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:27pm

  164. 164: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Iama…can I make a suggestion…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:31pm

  165. 165: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    sure, Heart, but by your tentativeness, I have a feeling it’s going to trigger me majorly. ha. go for it…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:33pm

  166. 166: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    at least I’ve finally realized i have abandonment issues. and it could just be from something as my Dad being away for a long time when I was little, and never knowing when he would be back, for how long, and feeling scared and unsafe when he would leave…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:35pm

  167. 167: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really sad and embarrassed…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:36pm

  168. 168: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel stupid because I feel like none of this should even be a big deal…what is wrong with me?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:38pm

  169. 169: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    So…hello sirens!!

    As usual, I’ve popped back on to “unload,” and to read random posts that speak toe in unexpected ways. I always love that! :-)

    And I love that Dominique has written a Rori blog post. Yay!

    So, last night, I had a very interesting and un-planned-for experience. It’s a little complicated to explain. But basically, I was with a guy friend, who I knew was attracted to me, and he came into me – playfully, but strong. I honestly believe he didn’t do anything to hurt me intentionally, but it triggered me, big time.

    Here is where I succeeded – big time, in my book.

    When it got too much for me, I got up and went into the bathroom to take some deep breaths & be alone. My friend was concerned and asked if I was okay, and I just took my time.

    When I came out, he wanted to make conversation about what happened, but I didn’t want to talk. I honored my feelings. When he asked how I felt, I didn’t say anything, but I say there and I FELT what I felt. I let it come up and through me, and I didn’t stifle the strange cries, or even hide my face. And then when I spoke, I felt a deep, primal anger, and I didn’t hide that, either.

    He got it.

    And, to his credit, he didn’t “react” to my stuff, or make light of anything, or get involved in the feeling. He DID let me know that he was sorry about what happened, he cared about how I felt, and he still wanted to be my friend.

    Afterward, I laughed, only because the release of anger felt SO GREAT!! Lol. I swear, that’s been pent up in there forever, and it felt amazing to let it out, purely, authentically. I feel great, actually. But I haven’t gotten to a point where I feel comfortable talking to him yet.

    He called and texted me today to see if I am ok. I don’t know what to tell him. I feel better right now just not responding, even though I don’t want to “punish” him. But this is about me, and how I feel. If or when I feel comfortable, I might send him a feeling message. But I really think I’m going to need about a week before I’ll be able to sit down and have a conversation about it. And I feel good about giving myself the time I need to be ok. He’ll be fine. He doesn’t need me to “take care” of his thoughts.

    What I need to do right now is take amazing loving care of Me..,

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:40pm

  170. 170: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    wow, Tereana. I feel moved.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:43pm

  171. 171: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Iama – stop flirting with them…that is the stares etc…Notice yoi have a lot of the same dynamic going on with a few guys. Maybe your flirting style attracts the same kind of attention.

    …
    There is a high probability that they are just toying with you and enjoying the ego stroke of your attention.
    I’m pretty sure…from their point of view…there is a lot of staring coming from your end as well. Else how would you know they are looking at you. From Stares-me-down point of view you might be staring him down.

    If you Show up Differently…you will attract a different kind of attention. Chances are a more meaningful one.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:48pm

  172. 172: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    QZ hasn’t texted me back, which has me on edge. i want to follow up with another text, as i am interpreting his silence to mean he’s displeased with what i said.

    BUT I’M NOT GOING TO. I’M BREAKING ZEE PATTERNS!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:51pm

  173. 173: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @171 Heart – wow, thanks Heart! I actually feel really good/relieved reading that.

    Now I just have to figure out how to show up differently…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:56pm

  174. 174: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…are you sure text message is the way to go?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:57pm

  175. 175: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve made a point to stop staring at SMC, and it feels like he is staring less, so there’s some proof right there…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 1:58pm

  176. 176: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    “There is a high probability that they are just toying with you and enjoying the ego stroke of your attention.”

    I’ve had that suspicion. Not about Mr. Stares Me Down, but about other guys.

    I feel really sad about that.

    and angry, in a sad/angry kind of way…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:00pm

  177. 177: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    174 heart

    good question! i think so. a text about his texts, hehe

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:03pm

  178. 178: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo 108, thank you. It took a lot for me to send that email to him. I do feel it was right for me. I had tried to talk to him, it wasn’t happening. My heart hurts but I know it will get better. If he ever does come around, he will have to work very hard. I am CDing and have good prospects. I’m high value and I know it.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:04pm

  179. 179: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Iama – not saying that it’s true…Just putting it out there to help you be more discerning…

    It could be any number of things…I don’t want you to feel angry/sad…:(

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:15pm

  180. 180: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lori, I am relieved for you. Not because he is a bad guy, but because you are on your own side and it shows:).

    Of course, ideally we would just do the Rori Raye 3rd way and not cut a man out entirely, but what you’re doing here for yourself is the next best alternative, i think!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:18pm

  181. 181: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Starla 180, thank you. I think so too. I was leaning back and letting him come forward. It felt painful at times to me. Especially when I would look forward to seeing him and he would back out. Now, I’m pulling back for me. It willbe on my terms. I’m not cutting him out but I am taking my space and setting boundaries. I don’t think I’ve left any room for doubt about how I feel.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:27pm

  182. 182: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    well now that i think of it rori, the 3rd way is not for when he’s broken up with us. i think then rori encourages that we express our disappointment, accept their decision, and move on with our lives. She mentions that we can say we’d feel open to hearing from them if they change their minds, if you’re not already seeing someone.

    i think you’re doing so good, lori! and if you stick to it, and don’t contact him for ANY reason, you might find that man comes back!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:30pm

  183. 183: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    *lori, not rori. hehe

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:31pm

  184. 184: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tereana – 169 – So YAY YOU!! how awesome.

    And thank you though I have written a couple of other posts for Rori before though it’s been awhile.

    xxoo

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:36pm

  185. 185: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Haha Starla, I expressed my disappointment to him when he said he didn’t want to be in a relationship. That was six weeks ago. I leaned back and he still would call me twice a week. When I let him know when I was going to be in town, he would say he wanted to meet up but then he would be sick or this last time, said he wanted to go to CA to see his daughter. Ok fine, but could he not have left the next day? I feel like it was all about when it was convenient for him, never about me. This last time, I cried pretty much all day. Enough, I deserve better.

    Now, its all about me!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:37pm

  186. 186: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Woohoo! I just crossed some things off my personal to do list.

    something else that’s been nagging at me when it comes to QZ is he’s not the most responsible when it comes to money and caring for himself. he is very responsible in many ways that many men do lack, and for that, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But there are some little things, like how long it takes him to get his car fixed when it’s broken, etc., that bug me about him.

    but it all boils down to looking at myself in the end. have i been putting off a car repair? yes. and he knows it, too! he was there when I told the mechanic I would be back to fix this thing.

    so many ‘flaws’ we find in others are really just a reflection of myself. he and i are just coming out of our american adolescence, figuring out fiscal and long term responsibility stuff for ourselves.

    It’s so easy to say “this man is not good enough for me because he doesn’t make fixing his car a priority… this is not good.” But in reality, neither do i. silly starla!

    other things i see as ‘flaws’ — he doesn’t exercise. Um, well neither do i! I was doing it every day, but I have since abandoned the daily rigorous exercise thing. Mirror!

    I should worry more about myself and my own flaws than focusing on his.

    I am realizing more and more that the problems we think we have with people’s personalities are really just a mirror of something inside of us that we don’t want to face.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 2:54pm

  187. 187: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel inspired by Lori to write to mrP also.
    I feel fed up of him testing the waters all the bloody time. I don’t want to see his name cropping up on my email/phone etc anymore.
    It will help me to move on.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 3:41pm

  188. 188: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Help!! K tried to call me. I let it go to voicemail. He said he just read my email and was calling me. He said that he thought he understood what I was saying and hoped I was okay. He ended with “I wanted to call you”.

    What the heck do I do? Do I call him back? Let it go?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 3:42pm

  189. 189: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like crying. My heart pounded so hard when I realized he was calling.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 3:44pm

  190. 190: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I was so busy at work that I completely forgot my challenge. I don’t know if I did lean foward or not, didn’t notice…

    So I’ll take the same challenge tomorerow again. No leaning forward, no physical leaning forward.

    Thanks FW by the way for your tip on no leaning forward:)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 3:52pm

  191. 191: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Lori))))))))))

    no, darling. you take that time and space you said you needed. remember when I was saying something about if you tell him you need space, you have to mean it and follow through with it, regardless of what he does to contact you?

    Otherwise, all you did was build a new drama for the two of you.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 3:52pm

  192. 192: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I need to take an hour to write my letter to my boss and the VP for the senior manager role…

    NVs keep screaming I can’t do it. Grrrrrrr

    Go in the corner stupid NVs.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 3:54pm

  193. 193: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Dominique, love the article :) And you are so pretty on your pic.

    I remember when I was in a desastrous shape last year, you suggested to me your Thankfulness Journal. I did it for a few weeks and it definitely helped. I don’t write in it anymore but it’s still there next to my bed.

    I think I’ll start writing more in it. :)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 3:57pm

  194. 194: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((((Lori))))))))))))))

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 3:57pm

  195. 195: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, you can do it!!!!! Imagine you were writing it for a friend of yours who is in your shoes, and you’re helping her write it and see how deserving she is.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 4:09pm

  196. 196: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh NVs know I can “write” it. I’ve always been a good writer and I can convince better by a letter than face to face.

    NVs are saying I can’t do this senior management role… Or that my boss will laugh at me… :S

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 4:23pm

  197. 197: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Anyway, I’m now takin a feet bath (will later give myself a pedicure) while I’m making the plan of my letter.

    It feels good and I really feel like a siren taking care of my feet and my career at the same time.

    (((((((((Lizka’s feet)))))))))

    ((((((((Lizka’s career)))))))

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 4:25pm

  198. 198: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Hi Indigo (90), u are so right. At least when I do Internet dating, I don’t have to go out with anyone. My profile is on a website but I hardly go there. Not even sure about internet dating sometimes. I am bit turned off from it sometimes. Of course I know why. I hope I don’t meet anymore men online who doesn’t want to talk on the phone. Dominique, u and Mercedes are good friends and ur birthdays are near. Ok. That’s great. Tonight I feeling so tired and irritable. Had a stressful day today.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 5:31pm

  199. 199: BeLovedNo Gravatar says:

    When people discover that they have actually been requiring the most obnoxious traits in their partners…transformation occurs. – Gay and Katie Hendricks

    FW – do you happen to know by any chance where they talk about this more in depth? I’m scanning Conscious Loving to refresh my memory.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 5:38pm

  200. 200: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Hi Lori. See u sent the letter. Ok he is contacting u. Are u going to answer or what?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:04pm

  201. 201: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 199 I read that book but don’t recall that concept.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:15pm

  202. 202: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka you can do it. The one thing I would recommend is choose your words. Use words with high vibrational frequency to communicate your confidence in yourself and how excited you feel about taking on the role. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself why would they want you for that position?

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:18pm

  203. 203: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s funny FW. I work for a recruiting agency. I sell people to companies.

    In the company where I work, we are taught to sell our people in 3points: Science (what he can do), Art (who he is) and Return on Investment.

    I based my letter on these 3 points. I said what my experience in this field is, what are my soft skills related to the position and what would be the return on investment if they take me instead of an external candidate. In bonus, they will see that I have perfectly understand their sale’s pitch!

    Hehe Very proud of myself.

    I had to write it in English because the district VP is based in the US, so Cheri is correcting it right now. Might post it in here after, so you sirens can add your magic touch and suggest some “high vibrational frequency” words.

    :)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 6:39pm

  204. 204: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Lori… you felt thru your feelings… you wrote them out and found courage to follow thru. cudos!

    Now comes the part of living true to all of that. We dont have any control over what the other person does only ourselves.

    Rori’s said so many times. “when a man says he wants to be friends or does not want to be in a “relationship” with us then what we should do is
    “get your energy out of there”. It is hard, but when done it feels so good.

    I had the man from my last relationship contact me a few weeks after we parted ways. It was via email, with pictures from our trips etc. His email and what it said made me sick. I closed the door to him and that toxic relationship and never opened the door again.

    Honor yourself and your feelings and boundries. If it were me, I would remain silent.

    (hugs)

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 7:04pm

  205. 205: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, I am deeply in love with a wonderful man. He’s my soul-mate and he feels the same for me. We have never touched or kissed because we met during very trying times in our life and we wait for the moment we can finally be together. We fell in love quickly. It was meant to be. I have never known a lover this intimately in my life. I know everything about him, and he about me. I’m just running out of ways to profess my love for him. I need some suggestions please. Thank you so much and God Bless you.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 7:14pm

  206. 206: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    He called me back, I answered. He does not even understand why I should be upset. He felt like everything was fine. I told him when he needed to talk, I listened and understood. I had been wanting to tell him how I felt for a while and wasn’t able to. We talked calmly even though he could tell I was upset. he said this is why he didn’t want to be in a relationship. He didn’t want to deal with emotions nor did he want me being hurt over him.

    He finally said that he would call me tomorrow. I said No. He said “you don’t want me to call you tomorrow? I said No, goodbye K”. Then I hung up.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 7:26pm

  207. 207: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    CudG sent me a funny one-liner and smiley face email response to my email response.

    So…this is where we’re at…
    I feel so Irritated…
    He knows he isn’t asking me out…I know he isn’t asking me out….and this Isn’t-Asking-Me-Out thing is hovering over us.

    I feel as if My-unspecialness-to-him….is so difficult to ignore at this point.
    I feel a resigned acceptance…

    Any input would be appreciated.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 7:45pm

  208. 208: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    yay Lori

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 8:00pm

  209. 209: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens, I heard from Sweetheart yesterday and today. I was being tentative, a little short in my responses, saw what I was doing, and decided to practice with being more warm and open, and it was just stuff about me…. And it had the instant reaction. He asked to see me today, which I turned down (be less available) but not just so I could, but because it would have been rushed and me driving up him. I just sweetly said it would feel nice to see him, but I had a full evening with errands and gymnastics. He texted me during the class and for about 2 hours tonight. What I got tonight, was hearing how overwhelmed he feels with his financial strain. His pulling back and choosing to work on taxes rather than see me last weekend… I get it, he’s trying to solve a problem. He said he feels like a loser, he’s embarrassed, worried all the time. I often felt like he was just so in la la land about us. So in love, cloud 9…. Type feelings. Also as an escape from his reality. The first time he stayed at my house he said he felt like he was in a soap opera. He gushes about how beautiful and comfortable my house is. He tells people I live in a castle on a hill. It’s a big house, but it’s no castle!

    Anyways, it’s been 2 months, I see the wheels spinning, trying to figure out how to fit me in his life. I’m a little worried he’s going to think he has nothing to give me.

    So, I tried to sound confident that he’ll work things out, that it will be ok, and that I don’t care about the money. There are lots of things we can go that don’t cost much. He said he knows that i font care, but feels bad he can’t do what he wants. He did say he wants to see me. My girls will be with their dad this weekend, so we’ll find some time. I’m going to try and make plans with some friends too. Feel like I need a great girls night. And a movie. That would be fun!

    I’m proud of myself for not falling into old habits. I stayed positive and focused mostly on me. I didnt fall apart thinking id done domething wrong, or lean forward. But what do I do now? How do you date a man who feels low about himself because of his finances? I don’t know if I really want to CD unless its just platonic. Chemist texted me today, we chatted a little, but nothing special. He is a nice man, but I felt really queasy when he kissed me. Him sticking his tongue in my mouth, felt invasive.

    I really thought I needed a man who would spoil me. So I could show off to my friends, the flowers and jewels… I even shared with sweetheart that I like that a lot. Now I feel shallow, as if its more important to get flowers than to be loved by a good man.

    I wonder how to be that allows him to feel good about himself, without my over functioning… Yet still have fun and enjoy dating.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 8:26pm

  210. 210: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Erm….iamabutterfly? How can you possibly know if or what he wants to talk to you about? Lol I’m not trying to laugh at you, but i think of you take a step back, you might even find your actions a little amusing – you sent a message in response to what you thought he was going to say? I’ll tell you, girl, I’ve been there. Which is also part of why I’m laughing. Why not just hold onto yourself, and if he wants to talk to you about something, he will…

    (((iamabutterfly)))

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:09pm

  211. 211: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    Aw, sounds like you are doing really well! And, sounds a bit tough too!

    It seems to me that in whatever ways possible that cding would be ideal. The questions that you both have about finances and what feels comfortable as well as wanting a good man may be easier to work through when one can feel more relaxed because he isn’t the only guy.

    Also, it’s not bad to want some material nice things at the same time that you want a good guy. It’s okay to want it all!

    Cding in all other ways too will also help. Sounds like you are doing that with planning an all girl’s night and your skiing trip, etc.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:15pm

  212. 212: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla. I feel your frustration and applaud you for looking at yourself and what you could try to do differently. I’m doing that myself, and it’s how we grow! It is really hard to try not to get in their heads, especially when they don’t share a lot. I have been there, ohmygosh so tiring!
    I certainly was not perfect this weekend. But I did better than I ever have, to not get triggered into over reaction and leaning forward. You are doing great looking at everything, feeling your feelings… Choosing your words… I’d also suggest not to do or say anything just yet. Would it hurt anything to take another day to process it? The reason I say this. Is because your words feel charged. About him, to other sirens. I don’t think that’s where you want to come from. If you wait a day or even better until you see him, you may have thought of a different way to share or if you even want to.

    If you feel he will resent coming on valentines day, u could suggest just celebrating on Friday. It seems you like your time alone and seeing him 3 days in a row, may be too much right now. Maybe it’s not about him driving omr not sticking up for himself, but you beeding to take some space for you?

    I’m worried you could be sabatoging yourself here. I hate to see you blow up or melt down and then deeply regret not taking a little space. Valentines Day is a lot of pressure. I never want to waste time, i want to make the most of things. but maybe its better not to think of it that way. I hope I haven’t offended you, I think you are awesome and amazing!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:22pm

  213. 213: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla. I feel your frustration and applaud you for looking at yourself and what you could try to do differently. I’m doing that myself, and it’s how we grow! It is really hard to try not to get in their heads, especially when they don’t share a lot. I have been there, oh my gosh so tiring!
    I certainly was not perfect this weekend. But I did better than I ever have, to not get triggered into over reaction and leaning forward. You are doing great looking at everything, feeling your feelings… Choosing your words… I’d also suggest not to do or say anything just yet. Would it hurt anything to take another day to process it? The reason I say this. Is because your words feel charged. About him, to other sirens. I don’t think that’s where you want to come from. If you wait a day or even better until you see him, you may have thought of a different way to share or if you even want to.

    If you feel he will resent coming on valentines day, u could suggest just celebrating on Friday. It seems you like your time alone and seeing him 3 days in a row, may be too much right now. Maybe it’s not about him driving omr not sticking up for himself, but you beeding to take some space for you?

    I’m worried you could be sabatoging yourself here. I hate to see you blow up or melt down and then deeply regret not taking a little space. Valentines Day is a lot of pressure. I never want to waste time, i want to make the most of things. but maybe its better not to think of it that way. I hope I haven’t offended you, I think you are awesome and amazing!

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:23pm

  214. 214: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks star bright. I mean Cding men, on real dates. I agree, may feel like less pressure since he’s not the only one. I could talk to him about it. But he says he loves me, wants to marry me…. He doesn’t want to date other women, I really don’t know what to expect him to say. We go have a lot to figure out. Maybe I could even say we could take a step back until things are more settled for him. I don’t know. Ugh, it’s been a long time since I was in a relationship.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:28pm

  215. 215: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    I had fun on my date tonight. I checked in with myself frequently, used feeling statements, & colorful, feeling words. I laughed so much, & that felt so amazing! None of it was about HIM at all. I did feel comfortable in his presence though. He went wayyyyy out of his way to walk me to the train, & that spoke volumes to me. I love kindness in people. I love gentlemen. Ahhh…it feels like a warm embrace.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:32pm

  216. 216: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 9:47pm

  217. 217: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I’m just taking everything way too seriously…
    So he’s stepping back…fine…Good.
    I’m way to focused on him anyway…
    No need to be so extremist…
    If it ends…it ends…but I don’t need to be jumping the gun all the time…it’s painful…

    Still …my disatisfaction…has been noted.

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:13pm

  218. 218: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Finally went back to the other thread to catch up on some posts. Thank you, Ulii, Iama, and a few others for comments on the last thread! I appreciate the hugs and kind words : )

    Tonight, I feel tired, and other than that one text, I didn’t write to (k) at all today. Even when he responded. I wanted to make a response, but then, I just couldn’t. Something was energetically stopping me, and I decided to listen to that thing. It was easier not to, and instead to focus on how I was feeling, and not overdo it. And this way, I may get to a place sooner where I am able to talk to him again. I thought I was going to have to wait a week, but now I’m feeling better, like it could be sooner. Still, I don’t want to push myself. Seven days is a pretty significant number, and can allow for a lot of growth and change. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow.

    For now, I just keep thinking how GREAT it felt to let out that pent-up energy. !!! It felt so good…I feel clear. Purified, somehow….

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 10:51pm

  219. 219: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique – Thanks! And yes, I know you’ve written posts before. But it’s still nice to see you in the “main” post area. I always love your comments in the thread! Glad you hang with us here, too : )

    ~

    Corrections to #169:

    “posts that *speak to me*” (not “speak toe.” lol)

    He came *onto* me (not “into”) [Ha! no comment...; )]

    And “I *sat there* and felt what I felt..”

    I’m sure you guys figured those out, but just in case you were confused – I was typing on my phone ; )

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:00pm

  220. 220: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I took a walk. I feel much better…

    Monday, 11 February 2013 @ 11:22pm

  221. 221: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Veronica
    Can you please clarify about you situation? You have not touched? Have you met in person?

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:42am

  222. 222: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nanny CD is finally trippin the way I thought he would

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:47am

  223. 223: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Today’s challenge, no leaning forward, again!! :)

    Happy day everyone!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 3:04am

  224. 224: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Emerson!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 3:05am

  225. 225: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    (((( Heart)))) what kind or special thing will you do for yourself today? Getting my nails done last week really made me feel better. They still look awesome, and I feel more pampered and special with pretty fingers. :)

    I’m not sure if I shared this or not, but I had a dream someone gave me a huge engagement ring. The diamond was round and sparkly, and bigger than a dime. I know it’s silly, but I feel like my subconscious is saying, it’s out there, the love you want is coming and it’s going to be big and gorgeous and sparkly. If its not sweetheart, it’s ok…. Will be even better for me! I looked up some pictures of rings and saved them to my phone. If I feel a little down, will just look at them. :)

    Good morning sirens! Sending hugs!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 4:48am

  226. 226: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Good luck with the job Lizka!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 4:48am

  227. 227: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very thankful to my sister for writing me a letter. I felt warmth in my heart and connected, and cheerful and giggled while reading it.
    I feel very thankful to my girlfriends who messaged me today. I feel feminine connecting with them.
    I feel very thankful to my laptop is works good while I am waiting for a new one. I feel supported and loved by the Universe. I feel satisfied to be able to do my job which feels more like a hobby to me. And I feel very thankful to the Universe for that.
    I feel very thankful to MH who wanted to please me and bought me me favorite cake. I felt cared for and appreciated.
    I feel very thankful to MH for coming up with a fun plan for the weekend and taking care of the logistics.
    I feel very thankful to MH for helping me in the kitchen when I cut my finger a little and wanted help. I felt safe and glad to have someone willing to help me.
    I feel thankful to myself I noticed feeling resistant to show my appreciation to close people, and MH in the first place, and judging it as a ‘weakness’. I may want to gently shift this pattern.. and I may not. No pressure on me, it just felt good to notice to start with. I feel more and more accepted by my self and more relaxed too.
    I feel very thankful to myself I got myself out of the situation when it started to feel intense. It feels like an immense care to me.
    I feel very thankful to myself to remembering that I have this great and very gentle renewing peel and applying it. I feel adored by myself.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:07am

  228. 228: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    omg….is he getting ready to poof?
    Somebody say something….

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:22am

  229. 229: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Turquoise. Not silly at all. I say sink into the feelings of joy and ecstasy looking at that ring on your finger. You are worthy.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:24am

  230. 230: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Turquoise,

    I think you’re on the right track. Staying positive and showing confidence in his ability to figure everything out. That’s all you really can do….

    Perhaps the next time he does something super sweet or something that makes you feel all melty, tell him how amazing it made you feel. That this is something he gives you that can’t compare to material gifts. Your sweet kisses make my life feel rich….

    Just a thought.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:25am

  231. 231: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Veronica I believe you two will have to find a way outside sex (if you don’t want to engage in that) to express your passion for each other. This is what I have heard coaches recommend. I believe I heard Rori suggest the same thing to a woman who is a Christian. If you are both on the same page with your beliefs and values, that should be discussed and you look for creative ways to express your passion. I do believe Gay Hendricks breathwork might be able to help somewhat but I also believe that you can both agree to some kind of touching, petting and holding. I would want to know how I experience his touch before getting into a long term commitment that I might not want to break.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:29am

  232. 232: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Oh gosh Mel. Everytime I read your words I melt. Any man who has you must really feel lucky.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:30am

  233. 233: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    OMG!

    Just had a man/ acquaintance ‘wanting’ to friend me on FB.

    So wrote back.
    Hi Mark, thank you for the friend request. Wanted to know if you were married or had a partner as I only feel comfortable accepting friend requests from men not in relationships unless I know the other half and both people as a couple and she is happy about it to

    And got this message back,
    Hi sorry i pressed friend request by mistake and couldnt recall. I dont mind u staying as friend though and i dont intend communicating with you.

    Yuck!
    Why on earth would I want to be friends with someone who friended me by ‘mistake’
    Yeah right that would be why when we were both athe same event the he couldn’t reign his neck in, eyes all over me.
    I do not want to be friends with someone who has no intention of communicating with me. Or is trying to friend me behind his girlfriends/ wives back!
    By then DELETE!
    Weeded out.
    I feel grateful to the universe for helping me say no to what I do not want.
    TY universe for helping me weed out what I do not want.
    In order to say yes to what I do want, first I have to say no to what I do not want.

    YUCK YUCK YUCK!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:39am

  234. 234: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Annie….what are you so afraid of?
    Remember to trust your boundaries.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:42am

  235. 235: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Yuck, now I feel sad, the poor woman who he is ‘involved’ with has in a relationship and pics of them together all over her FB page. And he has nothing on his about them being together.WOW!

    I feel more and more enlightened everyday and am learning more and more.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:49am

  236. 236: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Nice vibe on the blog today, though I only flipped thru comments. I went on a date with a new CD last night and he reminded me of dumbcd in some ways. I still feel so shocked that I was dismissed so easily but surely. Makes me feel so small.. and makes me want to look out for myself more.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:50am

  237. 237: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I do not feel afraid I feel sickened and sad not scared or afraid heart. X

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:50am

  238. 238: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    And totally repelled.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:51am

  239. 239: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    233 reads to me like a detective with a microscope looking for clues. Looking for something wrong. Always finding the clues. Always proving oneself right. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:51am

  240. 240: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo in what way were they similar. These could help highlight your attraction signals.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:53am

  241. 241: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty for your judgmental projections FW.
    Feel a bit fed up at constantly reading your projections about me.
    Have you a mirror?

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:57am

  242. 242: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    This is worth the few minutes to listen to

    http://www.omvana.com/meditations/lisa-nichols-worthiness

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:59am

  243. 243: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    FW – do u think CudG is preparin to poof…
    and is it weird that he didnt ask m out on V-day?

    Ok Annie (((hugs)))

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:01am

  244. 244: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Heart it seems to me that a lot of your energy and expectations are floating in his direction. I believe he knows you want him. He can feel it. Who knows he might be thinking of surprising you. He might be thinking of poofing who knows. V-day is loaded with expectations and commercialization. Many men I know hate it because it puts them under a lot of pressure.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:04am

  245. 245: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I believe he knows you want him (to).

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:04am

  246. 246: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Note to self other peoples judgmental thoughts about me have nothing to do with me.
    They are not my business.
    Feels best to become aware that this does not feel good and is not in my best interest to engage when this happens and move away from that energy.
    My business is to be aware of my feelings and move away from stuff that feels bad and towards something that feels better.

    I want to be happy.
    So time for action to do something that makes me feel good and happy.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:06am

  247. 247: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Heart.
    Hugs back.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:07am

  248. 248: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel grateful for my knowing and intuition.
    I trust my intuition.
    Ty intuition.
    My intuition is always right.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:11am

  249. 249: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Fw…
    wow…
    I feel a little raw & naked imagining that CudG knows I want more from him…
    and yes I have expectations…
    It’s surprising how into myself I can get…I’m loosing perspective…
    Thanks…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:13am

  250. 250: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    He is a smart man. He knows what you want. You know what you want. Own it. Your desire is worthy of shining its light into the world. Give him space to see if he wants to give you what you want.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:17am

  251. 251: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Turquoise :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:18am

  252. 252: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Today’s challenge will not be easy at all :(

    Cheri is in a bad mood (because of work he says) and it made him get angry at me for a small not very important thing.

    That makes me want to lean forward big time.

    But I know he loves me. I know he will realise in a few hours that he is not mad at me.

    So I will put my phone in my purse until lunch time and at noon I will eat and go shopping. I received by email a promotion for beauty products so this should help focusin on myself instead of leaning forward.

    If he still doesn’t talk to me at lunch, I’ll leave for my client meeting without leaning forward. Will simply say bye, go see my client and than go home and do my things.

    Ok good morning ladies!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:23am

  253. 253: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Turquoise…<3

    I'll try to do something nice for myself soon.
    Lovely dream :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:27am

  254. 254: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW…i feel soothed and empowered by your words.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:31am

  255. 255: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @210 Tereana – “Erm….iamabutterfly? How can you possibly know if or what he wants to talk to you about? Lol I’m not trying to laugh at you, but i think of you take a step back, you might even find your actions a little amusing – you sent a message in response to what you thought he was going to say?”

    Admittedly, I feel really embarrassed reading that.
    Your laughter doesn’t feel good, even though you say it’s not directed “at” me.

    I can tell you’re trying to help me change my perspective, though, and that makes me feel better.

    I didn’t send him a message in response to what I thought he was going to say, necessarily.

    Just in response to him trying to talk to me.

    Wow, now that I type that out I see how silly that is. I feel extremely embarrassed and honestly? Now, I’m balling my eyes out.

    I just don’t understand what’s going on, and I feel so scared.

    It feels so scary having a guy try to talk to me when his gf is not around.

    I feel so angry at men in the past who have acted a different way towards me when their girlfriends were out of town.

    It makes me throw up walls, clam up, and feel so angry.

    The guy who hurt me so bad broke up with his girlfriend sooooo many times before he got married, but he would never break up with her FOR GOOD.

    He would always try to get my attention and talk to me when they were broken up, and I would always feel so shut down, scared, and angry when he did that.

    He would do it when they were STILL TOGETHER too, but when she was out of town.

    I loved him so much and I feel so angry that I’m still even thinking about this. I feel so guilty that out of so many guys, he was the first guy I really, really loved.

    It’s never been easy for me to really, really love.

    He doesn’t deserve this power over me.

    I hate that this still hurts and it still needs to be healed. He’s been married for almost five years now. This is ridiculous.

    but the memories and the affect they are having on me are still there, and I think I’m trying to deny that, or I’m reliving it or trying to prevent from getting hurt again or assuming that things are going to pan out the same way.

    so, Tereana, while I do see the humor in it from an outsider’s perspective (and even if I can detach myself from memories, yes I can even see how funny/silly it is) it really isn’t funny to me.

    I let my fear keep real communication from happening.

    and now I just feel humiliated and stuck.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:31am

  256. 256: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    How To Persuade a Man

    I’ll tell you a secret that you probably won’t hear from any other man – men actually want to be persuaded by women. For all their talk of independence and concerns regarding being manipulated, they actually enjoy a woman who knows HOW to charm them into doing things.

    There is a secret to being persuasive, and I am going to provide you with a little exercise to try. If you have a request to make from your significant other, try the following steps outlined below:

    1. Make direct eye contact
    2. Smile
    3. State your request in a calm and kind voice, and say it ONLY ONCE

    Hold your smile for approximately 5 seconds, and look directly at him (Do not yell from another room, look in a different direction, avert your eyes, etc,). I guarantee that he will not only hear your request, but more importantly – he will feel it.

    He may not really want to grant your request or agree with what you want. Initially, he may not even respond to your petition, and there is also the option that he will flat-out deny it. In fact, this last response to an undesirable request quite often seems to be the initial reaction.

    However, trust me, he will think about it. Additionally, he will consider what you have asked, and if it is not outlandish, illegal, or impossible, you might just be amazed by the results.

    Bob Grant

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:32am

  257. 257: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – posted a link to a meditation in 242. In it she talks about evicting fear, anger, regret, shame, guilt out of your body.

    It is a choice. There are a lot of things out there that can help. EFT is one that has been discussed at length on the blog.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:38am

  258. 258: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @257 Feminine Woman – Thank you!! I will have to try it sometime this weekend.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:42am

  259. 259: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Everytime I read these words in Rori’s email it speaks to me:-

    Julie had to “understand” what the powerful draw to this man’s “toxicity” was:

    1. She had to “get” how his drinking and “little-boy” problem made her feel “stronger” and “better” than him somehow, and how that felt good to her in a deep way she hadn’t realized.

    2. She also had to really look at how HIS problems were HELPING her to take the focus off of her own issues – especially how she was not taking good care of herself, and how that made it so difficult for her to RECEIVE love.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:43am

  260. 260: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    These words too:-

    “The way in is through the RELATIONSHIP. By changing some fundamental things about the way you think, the way you talk, and what you do, you can affect the relationship in such a huge way that the man transforms right along with it.

    It’s almost a magical experience – I know what it felt like that when it happened for me many years ago. When my lovely husband turned moody and neglectful – even criticizing and mean – I was devastated.

    What I learned to do that changed the way I felt inside myself and about myself was I changed the way I spoke and acted with him, and then that completely changed the whole relationship.”

    They tell me that I don’t have to be hijacked by emotions. If I change the way I think, it will change the way I feel. I feel so excited and grateful for these words. Each day I awake I get an opportunity to experiment with this.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:48am

  261. 261: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    It would feel really good to stop pining after men. They should be pining after me.

    It would feel so good to just focus on myself and forget about all of them. How did I get to this place where I’m thinking about them and not feeling my own emotions, having my own experiences?

    It seems to happen so quickly, like I lose my focus on the true goal of my life in my desperation to be held, protected, and understood.

    I want to get back to a secure place. This time, I want to really notice when I start spiraling back down to thinking too much about what this guy or that guy is doing.

    I want to feel so secure in myself that I only ever respond to men and the whole rest of the world with warmth, love, and laughter.

    No more fear and anger. I feel so tired of fear and anger.

    I feel teary…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 6:48am

  262. 262: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “Why on earth would I want to be friends with someone who friended me by ‘mistake.” Annie-233. When I read your story I asked myself the same question. And also why would anyone wants to be friends with someone who has no intention of communicating with u. Can u imagine? Doesn’t make sense. What some of these men do is use facebook to cheat. Many affairs it would seem start on Facebook so we women have to be careful.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:00am

  263. 263: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    “V-day is loaded with expectations and commercialization. Many men I know hate it because it puts them under a lot of pressure.”

    I agree. Although it’s nice to have a romantic date to celebrate the love too. So, I feel open to be surprised on this day. (I remember receiving love-letters from my classmates in our Englsih class in the primary school :) ).. Still, I find myself relaxed & without any expectations around it and that feels good. It´s probably also cultural, as in the countries where I have been living, Vday is mostly considered a day to celebrate friendship, the romantic aspect is quite new & mostly commercial, helping the shops sell lot of heart-shaped chocolates & other stuff.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:03am

  264. 264: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    why I’m scared to be with you:

    you like things tidy, and I’m messy
    you don’t like spicy food
    you are so frugal, and I like to spend.

    I feel afraid you are going to try to control me.
    I feel afraid you are going to abandon me.

    That’s basically it…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:16am

  265. 265: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Iamabutterfly)))))

    I have not been able to follow all your story lately, but…still I want you to know I feel connected to your pain as I recall feeling similarly lots of times. I remember you said some time ago that you have not really been on real dates yet. Is this still true?

    What I see of your comments is that the activity is a lot on an imaginary level, and that this creates negative feelings for you and also feels draining…
    And to be thinking & focusing about the guys intentions & ways at looking to you… It is all still imaginary & if it would be me I´d try to convince myself “This doesn´t really count.”

    So I wonder, how about online dating? Have you tried it? Have you tried Christian dating sites?

    In a similar situation I would want to get to a scenario where the real communication and real dates are happening and maybe even lots of them. With nice guys. Where the intentions or actions of one concrete man are not so important to maintain myself analyzing. Just because I wouldn´t have time for it while I´m enjoying real dates. Probably, if it´s a new scenario, it will feel scary & awkward at the beginning, but little by little .. I believe it could have a really positive effect and keep myself more focused in myself and my feelings & less focused on the guys who are not really stepping up in a real way.

    What do you think lama?

    Wow… I hope I could explain myself more or less. And I hope this didn´t hurt you somehow…

    ((((lamabutterfly))) Through your posts you come across as a really amazing, fragile & feminine and like a beautiful flower to me. But I would like to see you happy!!! You deserve it so much!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:23am

  266. 266: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    233

    “Why on earth would I want to be friends with someone who friended me by ‘mistake.”

    Interesting – I imagine if it were me, I would have felt somewhat curious and excited about the prospect of someone new wanting to get to know me, then a little hurt and rejected, bruised ego when I realized he tried to friend me by mistake.

    I learned this from Brene Brown, the shame researcher. She got really upset over a comment from someone who saw her sight, and her friend said, “Oh, I probably would have just let it hurt my feelings, cried about it, and moved on.”
    So the next time something like that happened, that’s what I did.
    It felt good to feel so vulnerable.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:30am

  267. 267: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    “1. Make direct eye contact
    2. Smile
    3. State your request in a calm and kind voice, and say it ONLY ONCE

    Hold your smile for approximately 5 seconds, and look directly at him (Do not yell from another room, look in a different direction, avert your eyes, etc,). I guarantee that he will not only hear your request, but more importantly – he will feel it.”

    Hehehe… I have done something like this often… And I feel it always works when it comes from a natural place of a feminine desire to have my man doing something nice for me and the same time feeling free of expectations, but not feeling guilty I have that wish. And the man almost always responds wonderfully…even exceeding and giving more than I had wished for. Because he himself will be feeling happy to see me happy. :) I´m experiencing this a lot lately. :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:30am

  268. 268: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Memulo 236

    I feel glad to see you going on dates with new CDs.
    And to read you want to look out for yourself more. I feel your vibe lifting.

    ((((Memulo))))

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:37am

  269. 269: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Beloved I believe I saw Brene Brown in a clip just yesterday. I have go back and check.

    Regarding the comment I believe that guy was just being defensive. He felt a laser sharp pointed focus on his actions and his ego would not allow him to be humiliated (read rejected). So he made the first swipe. I believe most humans would do that.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:39am

  270. 270: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yayy Ulii!!!!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:41am

  271. 271: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    awww, thanks Ulii. that felt really good to read.

    Imaginary. Imaginary. Imaginary. I hate that word. It feels childish and dreamy and weak.

    yes, Ulii. It’s still true. I haven’t been on a real date in a year. I cried and didn’t particularly care for that date.

    I’ve turned down one date since then.

    I feel like a few guys might’ve asked me out, but I wasn’t interested, and I wasn’t shy about letting my body language, vocal tone, and language communicate that.

    I try to be “open” to men, but the above ^ example isn’t exactly “open” is it?

    I feel soooo judgmental of online dating.

    Maybe it’s because when I “go online looking for love” I usually don’t feel good.

    I feel good when I’m out living my life, doing things that make me happy.

    so, I have this belief that guys who “go online looking for love” aren’t feeling good either.

    I do have a very vivid imagination.

    I feel extremely frustrated, because I’m not sure where to start, or what exactly my problem(s) is/are, or if I can trust my instincts. or when my instincts turn into crazy suspicions and runaway imaginations.

    I wouldn’t say that I don’t feel happy, though.
    I have a great life.

    Want to revel more in the good stuff, show gratitude, and truly be the wonderful woman I am.

    but I have this voice that says, “Not good enough for love, not worthy of love.”

    or when a man shows up that I actually could feel interested in, all I feel is fear and anger and confusion, and slip into old patterns.

    I honestly feel guilty for wanting a romantic relationship and I don’t know why.

    I feel ashamed of wanting to be with someone, guilty for the men I’ve rejected and hurt, angry and sad over the men who’ve rejected and hurt me, and I feel judged by the entire world. Why are you still single? You must want to be single.

    and in a way, I do want to be single, because it’s familiar, safe, and I can’t be controlled or abandoned by anybody in my singleness.

    I can maintain a certain mystery, because I’m really beautiful and nobody will ever find out how messy, selfish, angry, sad, and crazy emotional I am.

    but I feel like more and more people are finding out.

    and are abandoning me, because I’m just not good enough.

    or are writing me off as crazy…

    ouch this feels so bad.

    I need some good stuff.
    I need to hear some good stuff.

    I feel happier when I try to forget about that desire.

    I feel so confused.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:47am

  272. 272: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Isn’t it amusing how just when this post of mine goes up, I sudden;y get so busy I can hardly be here.

    I feel thrilled that this little tip felt good/useful to you Linda and to Lizka last year.

    I feel so warmed by all the wonderful sentiments here from Iamabutterfly, Femininewoman, Shasha, Rebecca, Smile, Emoticon, k2012, April Rose, Ulii, Heart, Vi, Mercedes, Lori, Indigo, and there are likely others I’ve missed acknowledging for which I am sorry.

    I feel so thankful for all of you, your courage in doing this work which can feel difficult and painful, for allowing me to share in your process.

    Sending love to all.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:47am

  273. 273: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    If somebody friends me by mistake in FB.. Could be true (I have happenedto push the wrong botton too sometimes), I would still feel flattered that they were looking to my profile or my comments or something I had posted…otherwise they couldn´t have push the wrong button I guess… Also, it could be an excuse after my negative reaction or asking him/her if we know eachother and stating I don´t want to be friends.. Lots of people look to fill their friendslists with beautiful people from opposite sex, not necessarily for cheating.. Also that could be. Or they could just want to add as much people as possible. But it´s not my concern what the other people’s reasons are. I’d try not to let it ruin my good mood thouhg.. I would happily state my boundaries (Like I only accept single men.)
    I find getting angry about what a certain man’s intentions might be is harmful to my own vibe.. That doesn´t mean I don´t listen to my intuition.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:48am

  274. 274: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Yup – I think Annie’s non-friend was lying when he said it was a mistake.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:52am

  275. 275: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I love my compassion. I love my eyes and my hair and my smile and my dainty wrists and I love my legs and my DDs.

    I love my fire. I love my frankness, my honesty, my spirituality.

    I love my competiveness.

    I love my shyness. I love the way I get when I don’t know what to say.

    I love my curiousity. I love my love of words and language.

    I love the beauty that’s out in the world that I can sometimes feel is a part of me.

    I love my love of people and their quirks and complexities.

    you know, lately, I’ve noticed I’ve been less loving and accepting of people in general.

    and definitely of myself.

    this feels so scary and wrong to type out and I don’t understand why…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:53am

  276. 276: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    And “I love you” – Iamabutterfly – Can you add this one too?

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:56am

  277. 277: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I love my sense of humor and my goofiness.

    but you know? my back really hurts. it hurts sooooo bad.

    and my heart hurts too…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:56am

  278. 278: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    269

    “Regarding the comment I believe that guy was just being defensive.”

    Doesn’t matter and that wouldn’t be my business anyway. My business would be what I’m feeling.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:57am

  279. 279: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    <3 Dominique…I'm believe your Tension technique…helps with Backpain & insomnia!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:58am

  280. 280: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so shaky and I’m questioning my sanity.
    I feel so lost.
    I feel guilty for feeling lost.
    I’ve abandoned myself and I don’t know where I am…

    why do I keep doing that?

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:59am

  281. 281: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lots of people look to fill their friendslists with beautiful people from opposite sex, not necessarily for cheating.. :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:59am

  282. 282: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @276 Dominique – Right now, I don’t know if I can, and that feels really scary. I don’t know why I can’t. I’ll try. I have to go right now. Eating lunch would feel good…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:00am

  283. 283: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel scared to move from my desk. I feel scared of being seen like this. Puffy face with tears pouring down. They’ll know something’s wrong. Something IS wrong. but I don’t know how to explain it. I shouldn’t have to explain it. I just want to feel and be and I want that to be okay.

    I feel exposed…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:02am

  284. 284: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    That’s wonderful for you Dominique!

    So glad this business is blossoming for you.

    I just love everything that you share.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:05am

  285. 285: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel small and scared and embarrassed.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:06am

  286. 286: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    i’m literally trembling. my jaw is quivering..

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:06am

  287. 287: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Iama))) – you have a poetic soul…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:07am

  288. 288: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    # 233 made me smile.

    There is no way on earth I could take this personally, or be hurt by someone doing this who has never even met me. It would make me laugh!

    Annie, you seem like a dear and sensitive person, yet your posts read as quite defensive. Any chance you could imagine other people’s acts as more benign?

    I am sorry if this comment is unwelcome, yet I would just love to see you experience others as less intentionally hurtful.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:09am

  289. 289: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    283

    Iama I feel so endeared and compassionate for the your vulnerability you show on the board.
    I feel like I want to swathe you in a coccoon of shimmering pink love energy. Reading your posts touches such a tender place in my heart it brings tears to my eyes.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:10am

  290. 290: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    I feel jealous of you ladies who are able to withdraw your energy and emotional entanglement from a man. Genuinely. I read posts of sirens doing this with envy.

    I feel so unable to do it with D. I can sit here, in my home, yet my thoughts, and particularly my heart, are full of him. Any time I try to turn my thoughts or feelings away from him I feel a twinge of pain. Getting to the point where I can imagine staying away for any length of time feels impossible…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:13am

  291. 291: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Anyone subscribed to the Art of Love series?
    John Gray is on tonite.

    During this special kick off event you’ll discover:

    The six relationship skills that happy couples have mastered that create a deeply fulfilling, soulful & intimate relationship and how you can effortlessly cultivate them

    Why getting the love you want doesn’t have to be hard (in fact it can be simple, easy, and fun)

    Why one person has the power to create a relationship miracle (even if you think your challenges are the other person’s fault)

    Why you don’t have to be a perfect person to be worthy of love, attention, and affection – it’s your divine right to be loved RIGHT NOW!

    We’ll end the call with a special LOVE ritual where we’ll share a powerful intention setting process to support you to create the relationship you’re seeking — whether you are with your soulmate or still in the process of calling them in :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:15am

  292. 292: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo it takes time.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:16am

  293. 293: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “The Outcome Isn’t Under Your Control

    Just focus your energy on FEELING what it is that’s the TRUTH for YOU about this.

    Even if there are MANY truths – just write them all down.

    Then feel your way through each option, and see if you can FEEL which one is the MOST true for you at the moment, the one that most sings in your heart, where you can feel your body RELAX and breathe. (That’s often the clearest sign we can get that we’ve hit on the truth for us for the moment – we FEEL released inside.)

    And practice, moment by moment, saying the truth, DOING what feels truthful, and letting the outcome work out by itself.

    How To Speak Your Truth To A Man
    I can promise you that what you choose, and how things unfold in the short term, are not important – what will work for you with a man in the LONG TERM is the VIBE you create around yourself when you listen to yourself and speak the truth.

    When you do this, you open up a way of communication with a man that THRILLS him.

    It creates INSTANT CONNECTION – and the longer you do it, the deeper the connection becomes.”

    Rori Raye
    Brilliant.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:25am

  294. 294: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterly – It’s a bit telling that your back is hurting, your support. Yet you are aware of this and growing through this, and your back will continue to melt away. And Heart is so right in saying that the more you can release the tension which is surely being help in your back, the better you will feel in all ways.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:28am

  295. 295: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    Other people should use Rori’s tools, sink into their own feelings, follow Rori’s guidelines, and use FM’s on Rori’s blog.

    Is that true?

    Yeessssssss!!!

    Can you absolutely know that’s true?

    Yes, totally, yes.

    How do I feel when I believe that thought?

    I feel like I need to point out where other people are doing it wrong, and get entangled where people seem to be utterly not interested in using the tools.

    My chest feels like a hot red puffer fish that just POOFED out all around my heart.

    Turn it around.

    Other people should NOT use the tools (uh..no, they totally should, haha)

    *I* should use the tools (groan).

    Hahaha this is cracking me UP!
    There’s a little voice in chest, like a little monkey jumping up and down, hopping mad and shaking her fist, ranting
    *I’m* doing it right!
    *I’m* doing it right!
    Why can’t OTHER people do it right, TOOOOO????

    hahaha this is sort of the exact same thing Annie is doing (not the doing it right part but the ‘why would anyone do x, y or z part).

    That feels MUCH lighter.

    What do I need to learn?
    What do I need to see?

    It isn’t resourceful to respond from a perspective of “my way is better”.
    I want connection – it doesn’t give me what I want.
    I want to feel good – this has the opposite effect.
    I don’t know how, I only know that I have eliminated this behavior that doesn’t serve me.
    I am happy and I am fulfilled.
    And so it is.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:29am

  296. 296: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo – 290 – And what’s wrong with this aside from it hurting? This is your path right now. Maybe there’s something more for you to learn in this, something which has yet to show up.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:30am

  297. 297: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    After my lovely bath, tea and taking care of myself.
    It feels so good to step back, enjoy as see things even more clearly than ever.
    I feel grateful and accepting of my gift of heightened sensitivity, intuition and awareness. It serves me well and does not let me down when I listen and tune into it.
    It has saved my life and me from harm on more than one occasion.
    When I have ignored, pushed it down, not listened, doubted and not trusted it I have then found myself in harmful and situations.
    A microscope analogy now actually feels a useful way of looking at this and understanding myself better although I do not see it as a negative and wrong. It is exactly right for me. I love my microscopic ability.If we say that all people look at the world through their own individual filter (lens) which they do. Some lenses cloudy or distorted, some clear, and some magnified, I do view the world through a microscopic lens actually more through an electron microscope. This gift gives me the ability to see things more clearly in a very different more clear way. And although there are some disadvantageous as with everything it is what it is and I feel grateful for my gift of heightened and extremely clear perception.

    I feel good.
    I feel accepting.
    I feel welcoming to all my feelings and intuition.
    I feel thankful and grateful.
    I feel happy.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:31am

  298. 298: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    262: k2012:

    “Why on earth would I want to be friends with someone who friended me by ‘mistake.” Annie-233. When I read your story I asked myself the same question. And also why would anyone wants to be friends with someone who has no intention of communicating with u. Can u imagine? Doesn’t make sense. What some of these men do is use facebook to cheat. Many affairs it would seem start on Facebook so we women have to be careful.

    I feel in agreement.
    I feel pleased I trusted my feelings of something being off and intuition.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:39am

  299. 299: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Heart

    I agree… lama has a poetic soul! :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:41am

  300. 300: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    That is the trouble, Dominique. I know my heart well enough to know that there is something more for me to learn, that the story’s not over yet. When something is truly finished, I have no problem letting go and moving on.

    It’s, what’s holding me here? *why* is my heart still so *in* this that is driving me a bit crazy with not knowing. Sigh. I suppose this *is* my path for now, you are right.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:42am

  301. 301: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo have you tried noticing the feeling and just saying “thank you” to the feeling of uncertainty. To the part that feels sure there is more to learn but don’t know what it is?

    I would question that belief of it driving you crazy.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:45am

  302. 302: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((Iamabutterfly)))))))))))

    I’m sorry if I have not completely “got” you or “got you in your completeness”.. I do believe you have a nice life and that you are happy in most parts of it. I

    An I hate the word “imaginary” too. I used to hear it here on the blog when writing about my long distance virtual relationships with men I never ever got to see. NewZealandCD was one of them. Nevertheless they created real feelings in me. But still…I agree, they were imaginary and it has helped enormously to hel me sort of label something I don´t want in my life anymore…to step out from that world full of waiting, guessing, analyzing…and only dedicate my energy to real men who really are in front of me, and their energy is coming towards me in a way that doesn’t leave me pondering.

    About online dating, I´m not saying it’s for everyone and I wouldn´t even be “looking for love” there. I would just got me some real dates to practice and – hey – love might happen along the way, or not. I´m just suggesting it as a possibility as it has been really helpful to me. To get me some quantity and interactions with men, to become softer, get rid of my angry responses, get triggered and triggered, but every time less…etc…etc.. And it does work in a sense, that while doing it I am changing my ways to realte to men and the quality of men and quelity of attention I´m getting is increasing. Online..and also in real life.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:54am

  303. 303: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for the typos & mistakes…I am in a hurry to get into shower and leave the house. :)

    Lama, lots of love to you!!!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:57am

  304. 304: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Femininewoman

    You spoke about Rori telling some advice to a Christian woman about fining passion besides sexuality..

    Could you remember where this was .. in some program or newsletter or article?

    I feel really interested in that.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:58am

  305. 305: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Femininewoman, exactly. The lesson(s) don’t necessarily have to have words attached to them. It could be shift of consciousness, perception, awareness, a feeling (s), or something else.

    I understand the distress you seem to be feeling, the possible fear, the pain, so can you try really, really allowing this? I mean really allowing it?

    I think you have been, yet I still feel resistance to it, and what you resist persists as FW often aptly says.

    It’s also possible there is a deeper connection here which may need some sort of ritual performed around it, such as a cord cutting ceremony.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:01am

  306. 306: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii I can’t remember it right now. I am wondering if it is at the end of Reconnect where she is reading some letters of people who write and answering them as well.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:02am

  307. 307: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Ok… thanks FW!! I have 1 more question:… do you know about how long this Vday all programs for the price of 2 offer would last. I couldn´t find a date in the mail about it.
    I´m seriously thinking to make a effort to get the money together to have them all. :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:06am

  308. 308: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    You ladies are amazing, want to get back to all of you who showed me support! Thank you soooooo much.

    Lunch felt sooooo good and nourishing, I swear I could feel the nutrients in my food reviving me and giving me strength.

    I feel exhausted and peaceful now. It’s amazing how my feelings from an hour ago feel so distant now. but I feel thankful to know that they are there, deep inside, that I still have healing to do, and that I CAN and WILL heal.

    need to get some work done. I feel silly for having to put it off to cry, but I feel good too…

    now I can actually focus!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:10am

  309. 309: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s lunch time and I usually spend it with Cheri. He’s in a bad mood today and he has not ask me to go out of the office yet. :(

    Whatever, I just heard that I will be receiving a nice amount of money from my insurance company (shopping!) and I am on my way to go beauty product shopping. Leaving the office not too long after lunch to meet with a client. Too bad for him… But for me too at the same time… :(

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:14am

  310. 310: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    307 I checked through everything before and noticed there was no deadline mentioned.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:20am

  311. 311: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Beloved.
    It may have been a genuine mistake.
    Either way not someone I am interested in developing a friendship with.
    I feel doubtful though as this particular man I saw recently as I felt his energy coming at me, following me about etc. My intuition tells ms me otherwise.
    I trust my inner knowing and intuition.

    Understand where you are coming from though.
    And hear how you imagine you would have felt.
    This is not how I felt.
    I felt off about it.
    As I had seen him with another woman at a couple of events in the past. And it feels difficult to know at events like this, if people are a couple, married, just friends, dance partners, live in lovers etc, unless you get to know them. And then recently his energy was well and truly coming at me and he was following me around asking me to dance etc. And now a couple of weeks later trying to friend me re FB.

    Something felt off.
    I felt uncomfortable accepting the request without knowing and stated my boundaries. So spoke my truth.
    I felt yucky repelled and not interested.
    I did not/ do not feel rejected.
    I felt rejecting of his request not rejected.
    I did not offer him anything for him to reject.

    It feels a bit odd ‘friends’ and Facebook.
    It takes a while to form relationships and have real friendships.
    Most people are just acquaintances having surface level sociability conversations with no real depth.

    Feeling reminiscent how my husband said to me recently that he didn’t think there was anything else, just that.
    No there is a lot more than that.
    There is getting to know another person, warts and all and still liking them anyway and developing real friendships, being honest with each other and not pretending and being PC. Saying it as it is and letting the other person see the real you. Not the socially conditioned PC you.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:22am

  312. 312: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Femininewoman

    Aww… thank you for looking it through! ((((((FW))))))
    Now I only hope it will maybe last a week or so after Vday, so I could get my tax refund and by that afford it. :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:30am

  313. 313: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I failed at not leaning forward. I asked him if he wanted to get out of the office during lunch.

    Wow, leaning back is really not my thing… Hmmmm got to work on that…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:32am

  314. 314: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious.
    How many real friends do most people have in a lifetime?

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:32am

  315. 315: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Lizka)))))

    Maybe the next time try to imagine how much nicer it feels when he asks you to lunch…

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:38am

  316. 316: k2012No Gravatar says:

    I have a lot of catching up to do since my last comments earlier this morning. Hi ladies. At work and busy as a bee. I go on a break for a few days and I am looking forward to itHi Lori, good move u made there re K. Its confusing u and upsetting u. Continue to circular date cause I knew u were enjoying it. A short while ago, the words, “actions speak louder than words” flash across my mind. If u want to know if a man is TRULY INTERESTED in u, watch his actions. Remember that ladies, actions never lie cause u can’t fake forever. If he is not interested, he is gonna show it. All when the words are saying,”I am interested and the action is showing that he doesn’t call or do whatever u expecting him to do depending on the stage things are at, if he doesn’t do it, he is not interested. Remember that. Another action that shows he is not interested or not that into u, is when he is busy. Everybody is busy with work and other stuff. We all know that. But if you are truly interested in a woman, u will call, say u are really bogged down with work but u were just calling to check on her and u will talk later. Trust me ladies, actions never lie.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:42am

  317. 317: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka -
    Here’s my answer:
    Rose – here’s the deal…working with me is not about “strategy” or “mistakes.”

    You HAVE to make mistakes as you’re shifting and changing…otherwise there’s no process to work with…!

    It’s all about shifting your “vibe” so that you ATTRACT your Mr. Right and many, many other great men all at the same time.

    If your “vibe” is that of a woman who “chases” – you lower your pool of men to men who WANT you to chase them – which means they’re going to be very feminine in nature and standoffish and not make you happy. You keep to your old patterns.

    And here’s the big question – Why would you chase?

    And the only answer is: You don’t believe, deep down that what you want will show up for you.

    You believe you have to “work” for it…and that’s not the truth.

    So – I want you to experiment with how chasing and not chasing – how you feel – compels you to act – and how those things you do affect how you feel.

    While you’re practicing with men – their response is not important in any way except to HELP you, to guide you to undoing old patterns and experimenting with new things and shifting your vibe to what will work SO much better for you in the long run.

    Individually calling a man, or inviting him somewhere, or winking at him on match.com is not the issue here….these things can work fine – it’s the ENERGY, the INTENTION – your EMOTIONS and vibe behind your DOING it that’s the KEY here.

    We’re working on being “Rock Star Free Spirits” here – so that you can do Anything – as you say…

    Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:42am

  318. 318: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Beloved.

    hahaha this is sort of the exact same thing Annie is doing (not the doing it right part but the ‘why would anyone do x, y or z part).

    Did I write why would anyone?
    I thought I wrote why would I.
    But I maybe mistaken.

    Some others may want that.
    I don’t.
    I understand why others may want what I don’t.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:43am

  319. 319: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Annie

    I agree partly about the FB… there really is a great deal of aquaintance level superficiality going on.

    Although it is also a great place to remain in contact and share photos & stuff with important friends & family if you can not be close to them physically. I feel really grateful to have a simultaneous connection to all of my many sisters and sharing stuff with them there while I’m living abroad.
    Also I feel the support in Siren Island FB group to be uplifting & fascinating.

    And it gives me a chance to be in superficial contact (looking photos, sharing some info etc) with many aquaintances.. The onse who woudln´t probably be part of my life without FB. And that is not necessarily a bad thing.

    It becomes bad when FB (and computer in general) takes away big part of our quality time with people closest to us.

    Persoanally, for me, it also feels best not to have FB as a place where to start or develop romantic contact. That´s why I don´t usually never add men I have dated or might be dating there.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:46am

  320. 320: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I find getting angry about what a certain man’s intentions might be is harmful to my own vibe” – you can’t be loving and angry at the same time. Anger closes your heart.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:52am

  321. 321: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I disagree . I can feel anger and love and all emotions at the same time. I can feel angry and behave lovingly to myself and others.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:56am

  322. 322: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Isn’t that what Rori writes ?

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:58am

  323. 323: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “P.S.You may have already heard about My Complete Collection before today – that’s because I introduced it to a small test group a few weeks ago. Well, the response has been amazing! And now I’m so happy to make sure everyone gets a chance to sign up. So I hope you’ll take advantage of it right away:

    Get All My Programs At 70% Off ”

    Rori

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 9:58am

  324. 324: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    It feels Challenging !!!! To feel anger w an open heart… But it feels Expansive! Try it! I’m trying it right now …

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:00am

  325. 325: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t remember seeing that in writing Daria but I do remember hearing her say that anger shuts down your loving vibe. The proof I believe is in the experience. Lizka recently shared an interaction and she was hurting as a result of the shouting.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:04am

  326. 326: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    When I am angry I am angry. That I know about myself. It is one of the times that I experience emotional hijack.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:07am

  327. 327: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    It feels interesting that Daria thinks love and anger can go together. I do too.

    I associate love with anger. I don’t understand that you love me until you get angry with me.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:16am

  328. 328: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “The exact body position that will open up your intuition so you can know what’s going on with him”

    Starla I read the above comment which is part of the Commitment Blueprint promotion and I thought of the exprience you recently shared.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:16am

  329. 329: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – that reminds me of Gay Hendricks Upper Limit theory.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:25am

  330. 330: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i didnt mean in writing word for word

    i know that she writes about being able to feel many emotions at once, including anger.

    she also talks about keeping the heart unzippered/open through all emotions

    and she walks a woman through feeling furious yet staying open to being touched and receiving love from her husband on Love Scripts

    that felt wow for me

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:28am

  331. 331: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    when im opening my heart while focusing on events i feel angry about right now…

    i feel an expansion and a mmmhrrrrr from my chest that swallows and i feel all pleasant and happy quickly

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:30am

  332. 332: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizka !

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:33am

  333. 333: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    That LoveScripts sound very interesting.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:36am

  334. 334: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Though I do see staying open with the unzippered heart as different from feeling love and anger at the same time. I believe I can choose to visualize my unzippered heart while angry. I do believe I can do that. This I believe beause I have an intention to pause during intense situations which I have been able to honor for the most part.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:40am

  335. 335: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    318

    Annie
    Nooooo! You didn’t! I lifted that from K2012
    and
    I feel grateful because I’ve been thinking about empathy a LOT this weekend and was wondering what is the difference between when I can feel open and expansive and see someone else’s point of view
    and
    when I don’t –
    I now see it in a new way that I understand more clearly.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:49am

  336. 336: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    Regarding love and anger –
    I had a very deep discussion with a friend this past Saturday, she felt hurt and angry and betrayed by me and was talking to me as we took a long walk, side by side.
    I felt very open and expanded, deep listening, welcoming the connection with her
    I felt a coherent field of love, like the coccoon I was thinking of for Iama, interpenetrating and sparkling and alive all around us and between us. I felt sort of merged with her, even, and very safe.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:58am

  337. 337: VioletteNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo, I have felt what you are feeling I think, and it feels so awful, like someone else matters more than I do, like I love them more than I love myself, and like I can’t feel whole without them.

    Life is full of surprises, and new ways of learning how to live well and take great care of myself. I’ve found that the longer I can stay positive and stay on my horse, (no matter how bad it feels at the time)the better I get at it, and then something comes in and I forget about that problem completely!

    Anyway wishing you empowerment!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:17am

  338. 338: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, I’m glad you managed to sort it. I knew how hard you had worked on it x

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:32am

  339. 339: VioletteNo Gravatar says:

    D has still invited me to Valentines at his place. He’s going to cook. I’m not that excited because it doesn’t sound like he’s a good cook, the way he talks about it…it’s one of those situations of wanting to receive the gift, but not liking it! Well, this one’s a freebie, maybe he’ll surprise me.

    He called yesterday, which was nice, because it wasn’t a text, and he chatted with me for a bit. I realize I have a lot of judgements around him, the person he is, and it makes me sad, that I am that way.

    The more I can be light about dating him, the nicer I am to him.

    I went out last night looking beautiful and flirted with some gay guys. It felt good to be out and having my own experiences.

    One straight guy who was there was a jerk and said something insulting my culture a bit, and I tried to correct him and teach him a lesson, then I stopped. I’m proud of myself for catching myself in a reaction, and letting it go. Who needs that guy! There are too many awesome people out there.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:36am

  340. 340: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Oh Valentines Day is thursday. Almost forgot. I will be off bfrom work. Yeah! I have no Valentine. Who cares. I can’t nbe bothered. Hairdresser is coming to do my hair and I am going to do my eyebrows in the morning and attend to personal business. I am going to watch and see if overseas cd is going to say anything. I should check my friend and go out to lunch either with her or my sister. But my sister might go out with her boyfriend I guess. He contacted me yesterday and said “Hey baby, I have been busy all morning.” He got back from the match late on Sunday night. Yeah! Yeah I said in my mind. I am my own Valentine. I am good. I soon find the right man. God will help me to find the right man some day. That day is coming soon.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:38am

  341. 341: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yea Violette. 6 billion on the planet

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:38am

  342. 342: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens, this was a huge cause of anxiety in previous relationships so I would appreciate advice as to what you think to this …

    I’ve got a week off work next week. Amb cd has already said how excited he is that we will be able to spend some time together. And quickly gave me a glance at his shifts. It’s getting closer now to that week and I want to make plans with my friends. He’s very good at booking me in advance already as he knows Im a busy bee. So I thought I’d say this…

    Hey, looking forward to spending some time with you next week when I’m off. I know you shared ages ago when your shifts are with me and now it’s getting closer Im going to be confirming days to see my friends too, it’d feel great to confirm when your free too :)

    Hmmm, I don’t like the word confirm… And lacks in the word feel, but it’s a start.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:42am

  343. 343: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting topic from Innerbonding:Staying Centered in Conflict

    When people are upset, they are not open to learning, so whatever you say to them falls on deaf ears. You cannot get others to see you or hear you when they are upset or angry.

    http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/3415/staying-centered-in-conflict.html

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:44am

  344. 344: VioletteNo Gravatar says:

    Yes FW, there are so many men out there!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:47am

  345. 345: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Smile I believe it is best to tell him when YOU will be free or available for meeting up. The way you write it kinda feels like you fitting yourself into his free time. Like he is the centre of your world that everything else revolves around.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:48am

  346. 346: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “The time to speak your truth and stand up for yourself is NOT in the moment of conflict.”

    WOW!!!!!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:50am

  347. 347: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, i considered this, I could fill my week up and not be free at all…
    Maybe it’s best just to make him aware that my plans are filling up fast next week…?

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:54am

  348. 348: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sure he’ll ask about my plans for the hols when I see him tomorrow anyway.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:00pm

  349. 349: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    If he gets to see me in my week off = bonus :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:01pm

  350. 350: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    Urrrggggg….
    and aforementioned friend just emailed me like everything is ok.
    I feel sick and nauseous that I had emailed her and reached out to her, told her I was sorry that I scared her
    and once again, I end up feeling guilty for someone else’s stuff?
    She did something behind her husband’s back and wanted to keep it a secret and felt betrayed when I protested.
    She *did* tell her husband, according to her, but now I feel so suspicious…
    She just popped back so fast like everything is fine and now wants to stop being such deeep friends and go to being Friends Lite.
    I feel like she’s trying to sweep stuff under the rug and make it go away.
    I feel like I set the tone by reaching out to her.
    She had an appointment with her therapist this week and I couldn’t even imagine she would contact me before then.

    I don’t know if I should even bring it up with her.
    After hearing hours of rationalizing why it was okay to be deceitful with her husband,
    and not hearing anything from her about what she learned from the experience,
    I find it difficult to imagine being comfortable with her again.
    This isn’t what I want.
    I want full-on co-committed relationships with the people closest to me.
    I believe what she wants is different from what I want.
    I believe she wants to maintain the status quo, the comfortable uncomfortable in her relationship.
    I feel baffled why people would do this, as it was so unbearable for me I couldn’t do anything BUT change
    and she and my other close friend
    both have said they don’t know if they can change.
    and I know I can.

    I don’t want a nudge nudge wink wink overlook this stuff ‘we’re only human’ kind of relationship – I want superior relationships, with high integrity. I know this is possible, I’ve seen it, been around it, and have been clearing out my internal sludge to allow for this in my life.

    I see…
    as long as I was being shady with C and she could be there for me,
    there was no focus on the shady stuff with her.
    I believe she feels scared and intimidated that I transformed so quickly.
    As long as I was being shady, she felt like it gave her permission to normalize her shady.

    My chest feels like there is a lead weight in my heart.
    I am imagining the lotus in it, opening and opening and opening.
    I feel confused.
    What am I learning?

    Ugh, that Heart song through my mind
    “Sometimes love just ain’t enough”
    I hate that
    I want love to be enough.

    omg omg omg omg
    this is SO much like my relationship with T
    It was his role to be “kind Guru guy”
    Her role is to be “Kind”
    ewwww, it’s SO much like T
    It’s shame.

    T never could change fast enough to keep up with me, and never did shift enough to really MEET me

    My dysfunctional upbringing shapeshifting chameleon-like abilities are actually serving me in this way.

    My emotions feel to high to respond to her today, so I will wait.
    I feel nauseous.

    I don’t know how,
    I only know I won’t betray myself.
    I AM happy and I AM fulfilled.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:05pm

  351. 351: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    This feels like a romantic relationship!
    We’ve gotten closer and closer and then the first time we get really close and it’s HER stuff, not mine, she wants to pull away and be
    “Friends Lite”.

    What do I need to do to take care of my feelings?
    Get up
    take a walk
    Drink some water
    Drink a lot of water.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:22pm

  352. 352: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    my online dating profile:

    I have issues that I want to heal and I’m shamelessly using you “online men” to work out my issues. also, I’m cute, intelligent, fun, and provide decent conversation.

    what do you think?

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:52pm

  353. 353: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    being silly, of course. it feels good to be silly.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:54pm

  354. 354: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Beloved)))) You make me smile. I am currently drinking water. We are soooo connected!!!!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:56pm

  355. 355: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Do you feel longing and pining?

    Is it like a clenching in your heart, a sort of silent begging him to stop all his nonsense and just make everything Okay?

    And can you feel your heart and your mind moving fast, trying to cut all the corners and just close the deal?

    Just get it all squared away, finalized – OKAY?

    Well, it’s this energy that pushes a man away.

    And no matter how hard we try to keep it under control, it’s in our “vibe,” and he can feel it.

    Even if it’s not strong enough to actually push him away – it will KEEP him away.

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/relationship-tool-of-the-week-paint-yourself-in-love/

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 12:58pm

  356. 356: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nanny CD called… and… stepped up! made it all better!

    took responsibility for his own feelings…

    AND heard and caught mine!

    yay Nanny CD! i feel impressed

    also No Name CD has been calling and texting and messaging and i finally called him back… and let him know id want to go out a few times again before i felt comfortable having sex again

    yay! and hes still wants to see me is picking me up at 9:30 tonite

    :)

    i still feel a lil scared to share about how i hadn’t been feeling satisfied sexually…

    hearing his voice had me smiling and feeling good

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 1:09pm

  357. 357: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Beloved: “I want love to be enough.” – True love is. Please believe. If you believe, really believe, you will have space in your heart and you will get to experience it. People who use the “we’re only human” excuse will not get to experience a love that is truly enough…actually more than enough. Believe.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 1:30pm

  358. 358: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    I feel overwhelmed. It is a new feeling for me (or at least something I have not felt in many years) and I’m not comfortable with it. :-( My tummy is in knots!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 1:42pm

  359. 359: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    What a lovely opportunity Mercedes. NEW feelings and around something SO exciting.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 1:56pm

  360. 360: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    357

    Mercedes
    thank you thank you thank you!!!

    Okokok
    I’m getting it…I’m seeing something….not sure what yet, something is bubbling up…
    a recent dream is coming clearer.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 2:29pm

  361. 361: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    LOL…Dominique…I’m trying to feel that way about it! I do feel the excitement though…that part is awesome. :-)

    Beloved: :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 2:46pm

  362. 362: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Well that felt easy peasy, didn’t even need to say anything… Once again he just made and confirmed plans! I was going to lunch with ex of 2 years at some point but now I don’t have a single day free!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 2:52pm

  363. 363: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens, sweetheart called and we had a really nice conversation about all sorts of things. He didn’t bring up the weekend, but I shared that I need more contact when he is away, because it makes me feel sad and worry and wonder if maybe he’s changed his mind. He said he was very sorry, last thing he’d want to do is make me feel bad and that be absolutely adores me. I know my comments feel a bit needy, but his response made me feel much better. In another part of the conversation he said how much he appreciates me. We do have plans for Valentines Day, I don’t have a lot of time, and he doesn’t have much money, so we are going for a drive to this look out spot that has a stunning view. I’m really excited, haven’t been there since high school! Time for dinner, I’ll be back later.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 4:00pm

  364. 364: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,(363) this was the guy who is separated and went to sort out family issues? Good evening ladies, I am off for the rest of the week. Tomorrow is Ash wednesday as most of u know and its a public holiday in my country. I will be relaxing and doing personal stuff. While I still have stuff to do, it won’t be half as pressuring.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 4:17pm

  365. 365: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW re 317

    “You don’t believe, deep down that what you want will show up for you. You believe you have to “work” for it…and that’s not the truth.”

    Oh thisis so true. I think I lean forward because I don’t believe what I wantwill happen. But I KNOW it’s sonot true! He ALWAYS come to me if I don’t!

    So I’ll try my best to remember Rori’s words tomorrow. Thanks for the reminder!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 4:44pm

  366. 366: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I said tomorrow because I will do the same challenge tomorrow again. I will do it again and again until I can do a full day of no leaning forward even once.

    So tomorrow no leaning forward Lizka! You don’t need to anyway because you deserve that he leans forward!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 4:47pm

  367. 367: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise you soundlike you were honoring your desire, to me. Not needy.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 4:50pm

  368. 368: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting things are happening, actually nothing much is happening but I feel a shift inside of me.
    I still haven’t answered MrP’s email from Sunday. Usually I’d have written a million drafts right now, stayed awake all night worrying about what to say and so on. I’d have replied next day latest.
    I have other priorities, like looking after myself, going to the gym, work..and answering him is just another thing ‘to do’…or not.
    I don’t feel like doing it today either.

    Meanwhile, Curly has been on my case, calling 2-3 times a day just to check in with me (but he is a talker and always on the phone, so it is second nature for him)..texting throughout the day….pressing to see me but I had a date yesterday and today just want to be by myself.
    I love the attention. I like him in small doses.
    He is not my forever man but he makes me feel so good right now. So I will keep him around. I know he wants more, but he told me he is happy with anything he can get, even if I don’t commit to him, he will stick around.
    It feels light and easy right now.
    I am tending to my needs first.
    And I am loving it.
    :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 5:01pm

  369. 369: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yes K, same guy. I realized that I could feel put off that he went to deal with family stuff, or I could reframe it, that all of that has to be taken care of before he can truly move on, and he’s trying to solve his problems. I felt like maybe he was pulling back, or it was about me somehow. It wasn’t, I even said something about feeling forgotten when I don’t hear from him, and he said that wasn’t even possible.

    We are texting now and he’s telling me hour fabulous I look, even though I want to lose weight. We seem to be getting back to our groove…. normally, when things get tough, I get all bent out of shape, lean forward, over function, have the talk where I bring up that it’s not working.
    I even thought about bringing up seeing other people today, and that made me think about how I’d said to him that if he wanted to go back to his wife, I’d understand. Wow, what insight… to see how I sabatoge myself, or share an idea with someone that it’s ok to leave me. If the goal is to have the happy relationship, I shouldn’t be looking at every down time as a reason to end it. It was a big AHA moment for me today.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:13pm

  370. 370: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW. Thank you very much. It was one of those moments, where I hesitated and wondered if I was doing the right thing. But I didn’t want it to go on, as if I hadn’t felt bad, or that we were just ignoring it. So, chose to just keep it simple and be honest. It worked really well.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:15pm

  371. 371: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    FW, my attraction factors are being super smart, worldly, unbelievably well educated, creative thinking. What else is new:)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:23pm

  372. 372: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, you sound great and tending to your needs first, is perfect siren behavior! Good for you! :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:23pm

  373. 373: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Ulii!

    I talked on the phone with another CD just now and it sounded like he wants to make plans to meet. My cd came back from his job interview, it was successful, though they won’t announce the results for a few more weeks. He started thinking if he would be comfortable living over there. I feel less guilty for going on other dates.

    He is crazy in some ways. I had a class today that ends after 9pm and didn’t return his call till 10pm. He was asking what took me so long to get home. I mean – public transportation? There are delays in the evening??

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:30pm

  374. 374: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, ‘to see how I sabatoge myself, or share an idea with someone that it’s ok to leave me’. I do it too, used to do it more in relationships, a bit less now I hope, but I still do it in other areas of my life.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:32pm

  375. 375: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, it’s good we can recognize that, and hopefully address it. I feel like I”m constantly learning about myself, as if it will never end, I’ll always be learning. I’m ok with that.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:36pm

  376. 376: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll tell you girls… I can’t believe how much that dream changed my vibe! THe one about the ring…. the confidence I feel that a huge diamond (may not literally be a huge diamond, but a huge love) is coming… wow, I feel amazing! I know a dream isn’t a guarantee… but what does it hurt to believe it? I don’t see a downside. I feel like a million bucks believing someone will love me enough to feel the way I did in my dream. It feels like manifesting, even unconsciously. :)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:38pm

  377. 377: OliviaNo Gravatar says:

    just feel grateful and want to say *THANK YOU* to rori and this community….

    : )

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:52pm

  378. 378: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Turquoise, apparently it is not a big diamond. It is love:)

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:54pm

  379. 379: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know if I recognize this sabotaging as a problem enough. Most often I don’t even think I need to ‘address’ it, I think that people have their own opinions about you and their intentions about you and ‘letting them free’ so to speak is not going to change anything. Maybe i am wrong.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 7:57pm

  380. 380: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Hey ladies, so I was thinking all morning about K questioning that he had done something wrong and what did I want him to do. I didn’t tell him. I thought about it all night and this morning and felt in my heart that I needed to clarify with him.

    So I sent him an email this morning about how I was feeling and thinking. I told him that I think he is a good man. Disagreeing and his feelings don’t change how I see him. I told him exactly what I want from him. I had/have zero expectations of a response from him. My email was for me, so that I felt good knowing that I was clear.

    He texted me hours later saying that he’d read my email but had responded as he had a seriously bad day.

    I’m not sure where this will go but I’m good either way. If he steps up to give me what I want, great, if he doesn’t, great.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:17pm

  381. 381: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Feminine Woman 301

    What a beautiful thought. I want to be grateful to the feeling of uncertainty, and I want to trust my own heart. And I very much want to have faith that I am here for a reason.

    I don’t think it’s driving me crazy, I love my uncertainty. But sometimes things you love can feel so unknowable :) but I am trying to go with it, not easy all the time, but yeah. Thanks

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:42pm

  382. 382: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique,

    I was just curious who 305 was to? I wondered if it was me, but wasn’t sure.

    Either way, I agree so much with your sentiments. Really, really allowing your feelings can feel like giving in to the tide that’s going to pull you out to sea, yet it’s what’s begging to happen. Until you do, they call so strongly to you, like what’s happening to me.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:45pm

  383. 383: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Violette 337

    Thank you so much for the support. What a journey this is, and continues to be. I know that feeling you describe, or loving someone else more than you love yourself, and I know for me it can feel that way because my heart has this total, honour-bound loyalty which I have tried to break in the past, but cannot seem to.

    Thank you. I want to take care of myself, yet I feel life has so much in store for me, and I have no idea what that’s even going to look like.
    (((Violette)))
    (((my uncertainty)))

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 8:51pm

  384. 384: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    I have another date with the man I went out with on Monday. I like it that he asked me if I would like for him to pick me up after dance class. Of course I would! My personal focus is going to be on taking my time with all men. I’ve been asked out by 3 different men for Valentines Day…& it feels amazing & a difficult to keep track with all of them. I’m tempted to design some calling cards to start handing out. ;) Even more beautiful than these dates/growth opportunities are all of the creative dance, & teaching opportunities that have come my way. I’ve been asked to perform an African folk-loric yoga solo on stage this weekend. A creative take on the two. Accompanied by hand drums. Whoa! One of my dream visions just presented itself. I feel so energized by all of this movement in my life.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:44pm

  385. 385: MovingMagicNo Gravatar says:

    I often have more than one emotion alive within myself. The people who trigger me the most, & bring the most emotions to the surface are typically those that I love the most. For me emotions can be like waves…ebbing & flowing, or sometimes like the layers of an onion- needing to be peeled back one by one.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 10:51pm

  386. 386: ALANo Gravatar says:

    MovingMagic, it’s like that for me too. The ebbing and flowing, peeling back the layers to discovering the depths of my soul. It has felt at times infinite and scary because of the unknown. I feel brave, proud of myself and courageous to want to learn more about myself also. And I’m finding out that underneath all my “stuff” is this vast landscape of pure Love! I feel a genuine happiness returning with the curiousity of child-like wonder. I’m feeling less prickly about people that I judge, because I now know that it’s my mirror reflecting back to me, what I dont like about myself. And I have this wonderful opportunity to really ‘see’ myself and turn it around now. Because I really do want to better myself on sooo many levels. I feel so excited to learn all this now. It’s not always easy to admit how much I want to control in life and relationships. And yet when I let go of that control everything feels so much lighter and freeing… and I guess it’s much easier too! Who knew?!!

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:39pm

  387. 387: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Blog – Wow. I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions today…Mostly rage…and the peace…and rage.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:57pm

  388. 388: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Something inside me is changing…
    I’m shedding skin.

    Tuesday, 12 February 2013 @ 11:59pm

  389. 389: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    metaphorically…any skin isnt really shedding…lol….did i need to explain that…

    yes
    yes
    I
    did…

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:01am

  390. 390: ALANo Gravatar says:

    Hi Heart!

    I’m also making a list of “100 things that I Love.” I’m only on # 25 so far, since I started to do this on Sunday afternoon. In my spare time, or when something pops into my head I write it down. It brings a smile to my face when I look at it. :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:04am

  391. 391: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    dear blog

    i am a biter

    and that makes me fly

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:12am

  392. 392: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and that makes no sense

    ouch

    why are these occurrings?

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:13am

  393. 393: MandyNo Gravatar says:

    Just goes to show…..any lady can find the enlightenment Rori found :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:14am

  394. 394: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the Goodwill & cheer ALA…but this isn’t Christmas time…I’m sure a carebear or teletubby might like that idea…

    But right now I’m An Angry Person …And Feel like your trying to put me down with your passive-be-positive advice…

    Anger has it’s purpose too…

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:16am

  395. 395: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry at this Mofo…:(
    I bet he’s out with another girl tomorrow…
    and he’s out trying to get laid on the weekends

    and here I AM writing on Blogs
    and wondering if he’ll ask me out again…

    He was full on Insincere
    and I let him into my heart…
    Ouch!

    I feel so Angry at myself….

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:23am

  396. 396: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I just want to Scream!

    I hate this Jackass…
    he should have just Left Me Alone!!!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:25am

  397. 397: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Ok …I’ve calmed down now…

    why am I so angry?

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 1:44am

  398. 398: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I suppose Living with Uncertainty is challenging…

    Effortless is such good tool.

    I’m sorry for clawing at you ALA.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:46am

  399. 399: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I took a hot bath…I feel warm and relaxed.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:48am

  400. 400: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok. No leaning forward today. This is gonna be a perfect day!

    Good morning ladies!!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:53am

  401. 401: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thankful to the Universe for the beautiful weather, I felt happy to have a walk with my dog and be able to feel and breathe in freshness of the air.
    I feel thankful to MH for helping me to put on my coat. I felt appreciated.
    I feel thankful to MH for finding me a book I’ve been looking for. I felt very glad and cared for.
    I feel thankful to MH for the opportunities to practice expressing appreciation.
    I feel very thankful to myself for yummy and healthy meals I’ve prepared. I feel good and healthy.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:25am

  402. 402: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I met up with a male aquaintance last night. I know him through a social group I’m in, and he asked me ro help him on a project. Rhen he asked me out for a drink a couple of times and he mentioned he had split up with his girlfriend. I agreed to meet him but it was weird, he was acting like he didn’t really want to be there and was very grumpy and really didn’t make much conversation with me. I felt annoyed because I had gone out of my way to meet him where I could have spent a cisy night at home or done something else…

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:57am

  403. 403: ScaredNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori for your quick response. I don’t even know why I’m feeling anxious or worried about this now. I got diagnosed a few years ago. I just feel like a leper, like everyone knows. I don’t know that I feel better going to dating sites for people with stds. It feels like an us and them and I’m *them* now. I just want to be normal.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 4:28am

  404. 404: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm, at least I can cross him off my list now !

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 4:39am

  405. 405: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I have been cutting out sugar, and yesterday bought myself a big, sugary, chocolatey Valentine’s cake.
    Totally indulgent and really silly…but I decided to treat myself really well on Valentines day… :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 4:54am

  406. 406: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Grrr

    Sorry to moan I just need to get this out somewhere.

    A friend of mine, who I really like has thia habit of moaning about people but then doing the exact thing she is moaning about. And she doesn’t seem to see it?!

    She was moaning about someone who we both know and who I quite like. Everytime I gave my point of view – unless I agreed with her – she would get really overly defensive – to the point I would just back down for a quiet life.

    One thing she moaned about was how he asks intrusive questions. Yet she asks “intrusive” questions all the time. I don’t get it, I really don’t….

    I feel oppressed by these worrying thoughts, and I don’t want to feel like that..

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:11am

  407. 407: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Hello
    Been away for a bit(4 marathons in 4 days)
    Managed to mostly catch up-lots going on!

    Bit triggered by the anti doctor comments above, I for one certainly do not tell my patients what to do and I do my best to listen to them in a sensitive way.
    My previous(and ongoing training, you never stop learning in this job) is self directed and always has been. In the UK you certainly dont get “spoon fed”

    I actually feel quite angry-have done all morning.
    Urgh-let this one go Ruth

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:26am

  408. 408: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Lori and Indigo, I feel for you both on the letting go front
    Some days it feels impossible

    But I am sure that time will as always heal eventually

    I felt intrigued to read of Starlas “experiment”
    :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:28am

  409. 409: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Indigo – 382 – It was referring to your post 290.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:30am

  410. 410: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I have Dominiques E book and feel delighted about the video series

    And yes, it is a lovely picture of you Dominque
    :)

    I feel better now

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:30am

  411. 411: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    ALA – 386 – YES!!! What a wonderful shift in perception.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:32am

  412. 412: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca – 406 – Maybe this is showing up for you to check in with you if this is happening anywhere within you, as a sort of mirror. Or maybe it’s a reminder of how much you’ve grown. Or maybe it’s to reinforce what you don’t want for yourself.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:35am

  413. 413: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Re 369 yes Turquoise. As if the relationship is on trial. Telling him that at that time can even insinuate that even if you were married to him you would be looking to bail out during difficult times. I believe when they look at the future, being logical beings, they look at the present and how we behave to figure out what we will do in the event things get difficult.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:40am

  414. 414: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth – I just love you…

    And in re doctors, though I feel wary of some and I’ve had my share of them in my life, more than I would ever want anyone to experience, the majority have been deeply caring, amazing individuals. One of my surgeons came to visit me every day the entire five weeks I was in hospital, even on his days off.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:41am

  415. 415: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((((((Scared)))))))))))))))))

    You’ve got to believe. You’ve got to address the scared vibe. You’ve got to start down the road of healing yourself. Nothing is impossible. It might sound ludicrous but simply making the choice to believe, through all what is reality and what is facing you, is what will crack open the door of your mental prison.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:46am

  416. 416: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    It feels awful and weird. to be asked by my own Mother how are you, is everything ok?
    And when I am honest and say no not really, I feels sad about blah blah balh and am just doing my best to get to a better place but it takes time.
    To then be cut dead and be told about a really old friends problems and struggles and all my old friends relatives problems who I don’t even know.
    It feels weird, it feels crap.
    To be asked if I am ok and then be dismissed.
    Oh well nothing new there then. It is what it is.
    Felt best to get myself out of there, express it felt weird to be asked how I was and then be told about a friends problems and her relatives who I do not even know, like they are more important than my problems her own daughter.
    I have no control over my Mother making strangers problems more important than mine and dismissing and minimizing my pain.
    If feels crap, but it is what it is.
    I have no control over what other people do and who they think and what they think is more important to them.
    I only have control over choosing to listen and engage and carry on feeling awful.
    Or to go and take care of myself and move away from things that feel awful.
    I do not ever remember having any emotional support off my Mother over any of my emotions.
    So unlikely I will ever get that off her.
    Time to go and take care of my own emotional needs and make myself feel better.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:48am

  417. 417: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    414
    TY Dominique

    I guess you get variability in all professions

    Off to clinic

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:48am

  418. 418: ScaredNo Gravatar says:

    FW, thank you for the hug and your wise words. I just keep thinking why now, why am I so concerned right now?

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:56am

  419. 419: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Feels deeply deeply weird and very draining to listen to stories about strangers problems in a very elaborate way, including what they were wearing, and how this person said that and the other said this.
    Feel overwhelmed by so much random information.
    Too much to take in.
    Right time to do something that feels calming and makes me feel peaceful.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:56am

  420. 420: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe it’s okay to choose pride, ego and fear of intimacy over the relationship. Maybe that’s exactly what I need.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:07am

  421. 421: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique,

    I don’t know why this never occurred to me to say this before now. I feel horrible about it actually. I never thanked you for your ebook. It helped me through my last break up back in September. I bounced back so fast and raised my self esteem so quickly that I felt bad for the man that left me. My apologies for not recognizing your work sooner. You are an angel!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:09am

  422. 422: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Annie: My sister does this same thing a lot. She’ll ask, I’ll start talking and then she takes over the conversation and turns it into something about her or her children or a friend, etc. I realized one day that she wasn’t dismissing me, she was trying to show me she could relate to me by telling me a story about someone who is feeling bad too (or good for that matter). Maybe this is what your mother is trying to do?? I know it still doesn’t feel all that good but maybe it will help to see it from a perspective a little different than her dismissing you.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:10am

  423. 423: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Or maybe I am just beating myself up for feeling too scared to make such a choice… It feels good to notice.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:11am

  424. 424: ViNo Gravatar says:

    It feels too risky. I feel afraid to get hurt more than ever. And I don’t want to feel hurt and – alone.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:17am

  425. 425: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you Vi. I love you Vi. You are not alone – you have your Boy and Girl energies to take care of you. And family too. And friends. And insurance :-) And those who want to be your lovers if you get divorced… I love me. It will be okay.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:19am

  426. 426: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    J has to be out of town on Valentine’s Day. :-( I’ve been dreading tomorrow for over a week now but I’ve decided it will be a girly, girly pamper me night. I’m going to get my nails done and a wax after work then I’ll go home and give myself a nice facial then I will grab a bottle of wine and spend my evening in the hot tub just reading and relaxing. As lame as that sounds for a Valentine’s Day evening, I am determined not to let his absence make me all sad and grumpy.

    That’s the goal anyway…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:20am

  427. 427: ViNo Gravatar says:

    No matter what.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:20am

  428. 428: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    M, that sounds like the perfect plan!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:22am

  429. 429: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique -412 – Yes, I think so Dominique – food for thought :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:24am

  430. 430: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I think I might be crazy…
    hehe…
    my inner Psychobiitch is havin a fieldday…

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:24am

  431. 431: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    GL: Thank you! We were talking last night and he said “I really don’t want to be away from you on Valentine’s Day. Even though I never really bought into that particular day, I really don’t want to be away from you.” And he said things about loving me everyday and not just on the day someone else told him he has to (we’ve only actually been celebrating Valentine’s Day for the last three years and that celebration has been a lovely dinner with a nice bottle of wine). But regardless, he wishes we could be together too.

    So anyway…I know he’s feeling it too but this can’t be helped. A few years ago, I would have thought nothing of it…but now…I just wish he could be home.

    HOWEVER…that doesn’t mean I have to sit around all mopey and be all mopey when he calls. I can actually take good care of myself and feel pretty and relaxed and loved even when he’s a plane ride away from me.

    Like I said, it feels a little lame to me (no matter how much I try to make it not so….lol) so you have no idea how much I cherish your words: “perfect plan!”. That helps make it feel much, much better. Thank you!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:30am

  432. 432: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning! As a followup to my post #380 yesterday, K texted me yesterday evening to say he had read my email but hadn’t responded yet because he’d had one heck of a ******* day.

    I was surprised to hear from him. I’m leaning back which is easier because I feel like something has changed for me. If he responds great, if he doesn’t, I’m good with that too.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:34am

  433. 433: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Scared – fighting with reality and what is will just produce more stress and suffering. I am not sure you will get a response to the why question. I encourage you to flip it to how. How can you move forward? How can you best take care of yourself?

    I really, really feel for you but “the only disability in life is a bad attitude”. You can deal with this challenge.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:45am

  434. 434: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Bikini wax Miss M?

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:46am

  435. 435: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    FW: Brazilian…I’m overdue

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:50am

  436. 436: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    haha, I was just going to say Brazilian.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:51am

  437. 437: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes that does not sound lame at all what a lovely day you have planned for you

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:12am

  438. 438: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens happy valentines week.
    I’m back on the dating sites and have a date to meet one new cd on Friday night.
    A few others on the site I may eventually meet as well…some nice guys out there….
    I’m going with my gut though and stopped responding to one guy who asked me where I live (we live in the same town and he wanted to know where’s my house). :-/ i feel like its bad judgment to ask that we are strangers after all…

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:17am

  439. 439: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    BlueCD is out of the picture and its fine with me. He had poor judgment and I excused it for being akward/geeky but that was not the case he’s actually kind of a nut.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:19am

  440. 440: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Annie and Mercedes
    My sister and dad both do this. It drives me crazy. Mercedes I have though the same thing they are trying to relate something. Overall it’s poor communication but what can you do.
    I choose not to tell them stuff anymore because I don’t want to hear all the back stories of ppl I don’t know as Annie said it is exhausting…

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:22am

  441. 441: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://www.000relationships.com/tomen/newsletters/newsletter01492.php

    “1. Don’t say anything negative about anyone.

    If you have to criticize someone, frame your criticism in terms of an objective description of what has been done. For example, say, “My ex and I didn’t get along, so we decided to separate,” rather than, “My ex was such a jerk that not even his mother loved him.”

    2. Don’t think anything negative about yourself.

    This is even harder. Every time you hear a negative thought slip through your mind, like, “I am so stupid,” “Why can’t I do this?” or “What’s wrong with me?”, catch yourself and replace it with a positive thought such as, “I am learning,” “I’ll figure it out,” or, “Everything takes time.”

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:37am

  442. 442: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, all… I have just a second I can steal from work to connect here.

    Love to you, Dominique !!!!! xoxox!

    Also this: my new favorite zen saying (not atttibuted to anyone I can find). I’m inspired to share this bc of Rori’s comment at beginning of the Walters’ at end Jan on how it’s never too late to find love). Simple but profound and freeing imo… I’ve been meditating on this:

    “Do not seek truth. Only cease to cherish opinions.”

    My commentary on it: When we’re free, not of having opinions, but of cherishing them and making truth out of them, then we don’t have to seek truth, it will simply apprear bc there’s nothing else left to see. To seek truth is like self-protection, having it just creates more need to have more and one is never fulfilled.

    Have opinions and learn by them who I am and who others are. Let them flow in and out, and change. But cherish no opinion and make no truth of any opinion, not even my own opinion about my life and what is possible in it, or about any person and what they are. Let truth present itself and have clear vision to see it. Then I never have to argue with reality or myself, or feel “guilty” about what I do (like unfriending someone, or loving without requirements and scorecards, or letting go of a relationship that feels like an uneven exchange, or letting in someone who fits me and my life in a way I maybe didn’t imagine).

    Everything then becomes as easy, poignant and sweet as everything else, and as profound as the beauty of nature, commonly before our eyes every day, yet unspeakable special and nourishing. I just see clearly and move through.

    It feels good today to share some of what’s been on my mind with Sirens. Thanks for this place and for your hearts and and for sharing yourselves here, that’s huge and I feel such deep deep appreciation for it. Hugs to all.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:41am

  443. 443: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Just let things come and see them with beginners mind guided by the wisdom of experience, not tightly held. No striving.

    I love you Gingersky for saying this to yourself and for receiving it. Thank you.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:45am

  444. 444: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Love to you FW, much love.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:46am

  445. 445: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Ouch Mercedes… I’ve been too afraid to try waxing down south. I trim, and that’s about it. Good for you taking care of you!

    Do you have a single friend who might like some company? Maybe you could invite someone to get nails done or meet up for dinner after? Just a thought, not that your plan doesn’t sound perfect. But maybe you could use your free night to spend with a friend, and celebrate with J when he gets back. I want to see Safe Harbor, hoping to get some girlfriends to go see it with me this weekend, and then out and about afterwards with either dinner or to hear a band… something fun! I need to break out my heels, it’s been way too long! Pink or red? Hmmmm…. :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:51am

  446. 446: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    That’s a good point FW, I hadn’t thought about it that way. Weathering the bad/down times. I always assume the worst, they are losing interest and don’t want to be together, so I get there first and make it “ok”. Amazing what I see in myself with my eyes wide open!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:52am

  447. 447: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, what you shared with me the other day, about stopping when it feels bad, considering if this person is a friend or foe, and what their intention is, or where it’s coming from, was GENIUS to me. I feel certain that will make a huge difference in my interactions, especially with C, because I get charged pretty easily with him. Thank you for thinking to share! I appreciate you so much!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:54am

  448. 448: Shar Lean Way BackNo Gravatar says:

    Scared, I have herpes too. I have only had 1 outbreak 30 something years ago. When I started dating my now husband I told him. I also told him that normally I would not talk about an ex but I wanted him to know my ex, who was a veterinarian wasn’t concerned at all. I guess due to the nature of his work he was used to viruses and what they are , how they work. .Anyway..we (now hubby and I ) used a condom for a year. And then one time he just didn’t. I remember thinking WOW when it happened. We have not used one since. There is a huge percentage of the population that has it.

    You should read the book The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. She was the first person whos cancer cells they ever got to live outside the body. Her cells are still the main ones used today and most other cells are even cross contaminated with hers. The cancer she had started from the HPV virus.
    Hope this helps. I am normally a private person regarding this.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:55am

  449. 449: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you Mercedes.
    I suppose when she asks. I want to be listened to and understood.
    I am able to see it from her perspective.
    I still feel what I feel even though I am able to see it from her perspective.

    Don’t mean to be rude but your sister in not my Mom and I am not you.
    You do not know me or My Mother or the lives we have lived.

    My Mother has always been emotionally unavailable for me.Told me not be stupid if I was hungy or cold as a chuild etc. Saying things like of course your not hungry etc etc.
    The list could go on and on really.
    It is what it is.
    And has always fussed over my friends and done her best to make them her friends. And then gone out of her way to ridicule and put me down in front of them doing her best to get them to join in by name calling etc. And make their lives more important than mine.
    It is what it is.
    And chooses to share her life and her bed with the man who molested me.

    Nothing I am able to do about any of that apart from face the reality of it.

    Just feels best now to have as little as possible to do with her and engaging with her and let her get on with it.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:58am

  450. 450: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, that happened to me once. A guy lived in my small town and asked where I lived. He wanted to come down and sit on my porch and drink wine. Totally freaked me out, as I hadn’t met him yet. I pulled back and we did eventually meet for a drink at a bar, and he shared that he told his best friend (female) what he said and she was like, DUDE!!!! What are you doing??? She doesn’t know you, she has kids!!! He hadn’t thought anything of it, he was just curious and thought it was a solution to me not being free. Men…lol, sometimes clueless, less often dangerous.

    Anyways, we went out a few times, but he complained constantly about money and was a heavy smoker, so I suggested we be friends. We don’t keep in constant contact, but he’s a great guy, and I’m glad to know him. He actually called me several months ago to let me know a woman had contacted him to ask about me because she saw we were friends on facebook. I felt protected and glad he was my friend. So, my point is… he might just be clueless like Mike1, (anyone remember my Mike1 and Mike2? lol) You could always share that you are just a girl… like your privacy. :) Hugs to you!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:00am

  451. 451: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Emerson.
    I feel heard.

    And feel in agreement with you.
    Best to engage as little as possible.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:01am

  452. 452: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 450 Emerson I prefer to assume, if I am going to assume anything, that sometimes men are clueless. I do agree about putting your security first and speaking up about it. Hopefully a guy will get it after you speak. That was a great story from Turquoise.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:10am

  453. 453: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Scared what crossed my mind was the secrets we keep have power over us because, well, they are secrets. You have shared your story hear and that is one layer peeled away from something having power over you, and taking your power back.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:12am

  454. 454: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I think men can be clueless at times. K seemed to be clueless the other day when we talked. That’s why I decided to just lay it out for him why I was upset and what I wanted. (#380). I feel much better knowing that I couldn’t be any clearer.

    Now, hmm, I’ve got several CDs that I’m enjoying. :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:14am

  455. 455: Shar Lean Way BackNo Gravatar says:

    Scared, just to clairfy, the HPV virus has many strains. They use numbers to name them. You can be tested to see if you have teh more cancerous causing strain/number. 16 is one of the most cancer causing and it is the one Henrietta had I believe.
    But just wanted to let you know not all HPV viruses are cancer. Didn’t want to worry you about that !

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:16am

  456. 456: Shar Lean Way BackNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, are you familiar with HeLa cells? and Henrietta?

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:20am

  457. 457: ScaredNo Gravatar says:

    Shar,

    I am floored and honored by your openness and willingness to share you experience. Thank you. Thank goodness I don’t have one of the cancer causing ones.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:35am

  458. 458: Shar Lean Way BackNo Gravatar says:

    Thank You Scared for saying that :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:40am

  459. 459: GlowStixNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Dominique)))))) Congrats on your book and anything and everything that feels great in your life <3

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:44am

  460. 460: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I was able to mention that i want to talk less and listen more and stop interpreting his body language and just trust him to speak up for himself… it came up in conversation and i was able to just sneak it in. or so i thought. he took special notice of it when I said it. It was like he wanted to know more about what makes me say that, but didn’t know how to ask. which was test #1… not to fuss over him struggling to communicate and help him like he’s a child who is learning in my kindergarten class, and to quit overexplaining myself.

    J*sus, Starla.

    aaaaaaand breathe. relax.

    Anyway, things are feeling much better. When we were chatting on the phone, I practiced leaning back in the conversation, and at one point, we hit this dead silence, and while he bumbled about trying to lead the conversation, I found myself cleaning out my purse without even realizing I was doing it! hahaha, awesome!!!

    And he also said “no” to something I suggested/asked yesterday. I was so thrilled! hahahaha. I would have liked a “yes” better, but it was almost as sweet to hear my man BE HIMSELF.

    And in all this slowing down I’ve been doing, I’ve noticed that he does try to lead a lot, but I kind of get uptight inside and don’t necessarily let him. There were a couple opportunities yesterday to just let him lead, and I did. And I feel so proud of myself!!!!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:44am

  461. 461: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very optimistic and blessed that he and i are going to have a very healthy, practiced relationship, yay!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:48am

  462. 462: GlowStixNo Gravatar says:

    A general thought brought up upon reading here today…

    Trust and understanding and up-holding a boundary does not require proving another person wrong. Not even to ones-self. A boundary can be up-held without a word or whisper. It is a personal and subjective process. There is nothing to require the other person even know about it, unless a strong enforcement is demanded by the situation.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:48am

  463. 463: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Emerson! :-)

    Turquoise: My close girlfriends are all married. J and I generally spend our time with other couples and not single people but…that’s okay…it’ll work out this way.

    Annie: “Don’t mean to be rude but your sister in not my Mom and I am not you.
    You do not know me or My Mother or the lives we have lived.” – - I wasn’t suggesting anything different. I was simply wondering if it was a perspective that might serve you to consider. I take it the answer is no… I’ll refrain from sharing my experiences that might relate to yours in the future as I can see you are not feeling very open to that type of dialog. That makes sense considering it is basically the same thing your mother is doing (taking away from what you said and turning it around on herself or others) and that doesn’t feel good to you either…I can see how me doing it in an effort to relate to you also wouldn’t feel good. Sorry for the attempt.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:52am

  464. 464: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    other news:
    I got hired at a second job doing property inspections on the weekends, so I guess I’ll be focusing on making more money for a while.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:53am

  465. 465: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Starla!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:55am

  466. 466: ALANo Gravatar says:

    While lying in bed last night I was thinking that I didn’t explain my list very clear. I just wanted to clarify that my list of “100 things I Love” is about everything *I* love… EXCEPT anything to do with men or any specific man. It’s all about me! Because I want to clear my head of all these obsessive thoughts I have about D. I am constantly thinking about him and wanting to spend all my time with him. And it doesn’t feel healthy.

    ((( Heart ))) I wasn’t trying to give any advise. We were just here at the same time, writting about our “stuff” when our words collided.

    You got me thinking about my fakey-niceness though. And how I dont tell people what’s really going on with me sometimes. Like when I was in a car accident and the cop asked me if I was okay and said “yes” when I had a concussion!!! I do it to not put others out, putting them before me. And it’s a huge block to noticing how I’m really feeling. Then I can go to the other extreme and lash out in anger, being a turbulent beotch. Finding, and expessing myself from a balanced, grounded middle is the goal.

    Lori, that’s why I wrote to D a second time. I felt that he needed a better explanation. He was happy about it and still wants to try.

    I’m on a man break. I feel pretty good about it. Time for me. Dont know how I’ll feel tomorrow. It’s just a sappy, commercialized Hallmark holiday that society wants us to conform to, right?. I checked with myself and it’s not comming from my fakey-nicenes that I believe that love should be experienced every day… not just certain days of the year.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:58am

  467. 467: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Congrats Starla!!! :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:00am

  468. 468: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise: On the Brazilian. From my experience it hurts the worst the first time. It gets better and better after that. Once you hit the forth time, that’s about where it will be moving forward (unless you wait too long in between…then you’re dealing with a “first time” experience every time). I’ve had some BAD experiences with it but I’ve found the right person for the job. She’s the best in the business (IMO) and I would hate to have to go anywhere else. So…scary at first but after that, not so bad. :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:00am

  469. 469: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Do you shave or trim first Mercedes? I wonder sometimes if I have a lot more hair than other women, it seems like it would be a lot of strips!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:06am

  470. 470: ALANo Gravatar says:

    Happy for you, Starla!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:06am

  471. 471: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise: If I’m behind on appointments I trim first. If I go regularly (once every 3-4 weeks), there really isn’t much trimming need. I don’t ever shave. My girl would be p*ssed at me if I did. LOL. Shaving makes the hair grow back unevenly so it makes it harder for her to wax. I trim to about 1/4 inch so she has plenty for the wax to adhere to. She doesn’t use many strips, she uses a type of wax that is applied directly to the hair. She lets it dry for a few seconds and when she removes the wax, the hair comes with it. A few strips are used at the end for those hairs that remain.

    It really isn’t so bad (except maybe the first time) if you have someone who is good at it and specializes in it. Like I said, I had some really bad experiences with it and told myself I was going to try “one more time” when I found the girl who does it now. Been with her for 5 years and if she moved, I would probably buy plane tickets once a month to make sure I could use her services. lol (just kidding but it would be very, very hard for me if she left…)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:13am

  472. 472: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes, your comment about not having single friends almost shocked me. It made me think, what would I do without my single friends and if I ever do get very serious with someone, would I not be friends with them anymore? My heart feels all fluttery. But then I thought, the women I consider my single friends… aren’t all that single anymore actually. One always is dating someone, the other is actually engaged, even my sister who I still think of as single has a boyfriend, other friends I love, but really don’t see them that often…. AND, a lot of my girl friends are married, we just do girls nights, and of course they wouldn’t be available on Valentine’s Day. So, it leaves me, and now I have Sweetheart, and my bff. I suddenly feel really sad for her. I don’t think she’ll ever get married to be honest. And right now, her aunt that she is extremely close with, is dying. She has her mom and family, but her other really close friends, except for one, are all married. That one, I belive has a boyfriend. And I have my girls, so I never really feel alone. I’m going to get her something and call her tomorrow, make plans for this weekend if she is in town. I suddenly feel very protective of my BFF. See…. look at what all I see when my eyes are wide open!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:13am

  473. 473: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise: I think it’s an age thing maybe or the fact that since I moved to TX I have been in a serious relationship with J so when I was out meeting people, I wasn’t really doing it alone. We were together and we were meeting up with other couples. Not something deliberate but just not something I have in my life right now. I do have one single sister but all of my family is over 1,000 miles away from me so we can’t make last minute plans. lol. Also, when she’s single, she’s generally “looking” for someone and I’m not at all into sending that message when I’m out without J. :-)

    I think it’s just the nature of how things flow. J and I live a LONG ways away from any friends we had from longer than 5 years ago (6 for him), our ages and the fact that we’re not single just sort of magnetizes “like” people toward us (ie married couples in their 40′s +). I don’t do “girls nights” because I haven’t really met any women in my area who do so…it just doesn’t really happen for me. J and I spend most of our free time together so it hasn’t really been too much of an issue for either of us but on occasion, (like when he has to be gone on Valentine’s day….lol), I do miss my younger days when a bunch of girls would get together and drink wine and complain about men. haha!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:26am

  474. 474: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – 421 – <3

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:40am

  475. 475: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Love back to you Gingersky!!!

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:44am

  476. 476: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Shar Lean Way Back – 448 – I was told by a physician I respect and trust that if you’ve had the first outbreak as the only one and you get past the next ten years with no signs of it whatsoever, you are safe from having an outbreak ever. In essence your body kicked the virus out.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:49am

  477. 477: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I have to comment that it seems your FM have exploded exponentially also. I remember the days when you were saying it is hard and unnatural and that it is not something that was done in your family. WOAW!!!

    I love how you considerate you are being about your friend.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:55am

  478. 478: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah that all makes sense Mercedes. My BFF I’ve known since we were 16. We both moved away and then back to the small town I grew up in. We both moved again, but are still only 15 min. Apart. When I do girls night, we see movies, have drinks, birthday dinners, etc. not really much thought at all about men. Our children all go or went to school together. I haven’t seen them since the last twilight movie. Sigh… I miss them! I should plan something!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:55am

  479. 479: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Miss M – 468 – On Brazilians – I go to the best- ME. I do my own though it takes a little creativity. lol It actually hurts far less doing it on self.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:55am

  480. 480: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Love to “read” you Gingersky

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:56am

  481. 481: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    456
    Shar, yes I am familiar with HeLa cells
    I find it truly amazing that nowadays we have a HPV vaccine.
    It was developed in the hospital where I work
    This isnt my specialty tough-Im kidneys and dialysis

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:01am

  482. 482: ALANo Gravatar says:

    Doninique, meant to mention earlier… blessings to you and your continued success!

    Feeling a little pouty that I cannot afford any of you or Rori’s programs at this time. I know that I would gain so much from them!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:03am

  483. 483: ALANo Gravatar says:

    Dominique <3 … :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:04am

  484. 484: Shar Lean Way BackNo Gravatar says:

    That is great to know Dominique, I have always suspected the herpes was gone why else would I have one break out in 30 years.

    I did know that most strains of HPV go away on their own. Usually without someone ever knowing she was infected but I had heard the herpes virus was always there.

    Thank you,

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:09am

  485. 485: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling very closed off tonight
    Guess i am protecting myself
    Not easy to have to tell anyone they have to go onto dialysis, less so when its a young man who is unlikely to get a transplant
    I know logically its not my fault that he is in this situation, but having to tell him makes it feel like it is
    :(
    Anyway, V day.I shall be getting my hair done.The roots are simply dreadful LOL

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:11am

  486. 486: Shar Lean Way BackNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Ruth, I never knew the vaccine was founded in the UK. If you haven’t read the story of Henriette it is a very interesting read. There is a lot about he HeLa cells of coarse but a lot of it is about her and her family.
    She was uneducated and poor and at the time doctors just took cells like that without asking or consent. Her cells were and are used over and over again all over the world and her family never received anything for it. For the most part they are poor and uneducated as well. At that time people never questioned doctors. I know my family wouldn’t have.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:20am

  487. 487: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ruth, my roots are screamin loudly too. my hair is dyed darker than my natural color, so it looks pretty funny now that it’s growing out. i have half a mind to pour this home black-violet dye all over my head tonight, because i don’t feel good spending money on hair salons right now.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:21am

  488. 488: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for clarifying that, Dominique :)

    I am really trying to *allow* it all, and it’s amazing how good it feels.

    Like my heart wants not to be doubted and second-guessed any more, but just to let me fully experience what is going on from MY perspective.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:24am

  489. 489: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting comments about hair roots. Mine are graying and I have decided that not dying is my reminder to be comfortable in my own skin. Also I am concerned about all the ingredients that can create cancer in the body.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:29am

  490. 490: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, Mercedes, Emerson

    My mom used to do that a lot. And it used to hurt me and cut me so deep.

    But after some time and a lot of distance, I have got to the point where I can be totally upfront with her.

    If she does that, I smile and I say “I’m sorry Mom, I don’t mean to interrupt, and I don’t want to be rude, but can I just finish my story? I need to say this, and I’m really sad and I would really appreciate a listening ear and a hug.”

    Totally truthful, totally to the point, not making her wrong.

    Sometimes she will pout a little, but invariably she will soften and offer me support. To the point that she doesn’t really do this any more. I believe in being truthful and straight with people, yet totally loving and kind, especially family.

    (((((Annie)))))

    I am sorry for what you went through.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:31am

  491. 491: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW, I know… Was soooo hard and unnatural to me!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:34am

  492. 492: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I look like a highway
    LOL, I am going blonder again I think

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:36am

  493. 493: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique: I do remember that you do your own. I tried that. Once. Never again. lol!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:44am

  494. 494: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo: I really like how you word that with her. Nice!!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:45am

  495. 495: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Mercedes :) I think speaking authentically with people requires a bit of courage, but I’ve got to the point where I just grab onto myself and say “here goes nothing!”

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:49am

  496. 496: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo: I’ve kind of gotten that way myself most of the time (HUGE change from what I used to be like…). Not necessarily with that situation and my sister though because I really do think her heart is in the right place and she’s just trying to tell me she understands by giving me an example of how that relates to her life or someone she knows. I love her for that. Actually, I love her for lots of reasons but that is one of them. :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:54am

  497. 497: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    ALA – 483 – Thank you so much.

    And if you’re interested, I’ve been conducting weekly free calls since my program was released.

    If you go to my site and sign up for the free ebook, this will put you on my list so you can get notification of future calls. They are all recorded, so if you want to listen to the last three, email me, and I will send you the links to the recordings. Last night’s was especially good, all about ROMANCE.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:56am

  498. 498: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Well Miss M, if I ever get down there which is still the plan, I would be happy to take care of you. No charge.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:59am

  499. 499: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique: I will take you up on that!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:01am

  500. 500: Memulo says:

    Starla I think when reading your comments that you’re testing your guy to stand up to you but he is trying to be gentle and protective of you. Not because he is weak but one he doesn’t even realize it’s a test and two he doesn’t want to fight with you, it’s not the relationship he us looking for with you. Just a different mindset. So in this respect he passed all your tests. He listens and he is very protective if you. Are you looking for anything else?

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:17am

  501. 501: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling hijacked by abandonment pain restimulation and abandonment anxiety.
    All around my throat and chest feels heavy, heavy, hot and prickly, tears intermittently rising to the surface.
    I didn’t do anything wrong.
    ((((Beloved))))
    You didn’t do anything wrong.
    Nothing, nada, not a thing.

    I love and appreciate these intense feelings of abandonment pain, thank you thank you precious body.
    Precious, beloved dear dear limbic system – we are an adult now. M is not our mother. We will not die without our friend, and we didn’t do anything wrong to make her withdraw…
    I don’t want to feel this heavy burden of feeling abandoned anymore.
    I want to feel energized, loved, awake, alert, capable, resourceful, confident.
    I don’t want to feel abandonment pain anymore, I want to feel good.
    I don’t know what to do here, what do you think?
    Thank you

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:47am

  502. 502: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, I would like to listen to your recent recorded call, however the link in my email won’t open? I think it’s because I’m on my phone? I wonder how I can get the link to work on my phone? I tried it in my browser too by copy and paste :(

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:48am

  503. 503: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sexy and feminine to a man is how he FEELS with you and around you. And the biggest piece here is about pleasing yourself, filling your life up with your passions and turning yourself on however this looks to you, sexually or otherwise. It’s about YOU feeling good within yourself.

    So all that said, when a man feels stress, especially around his mission which is career whether he’s working towards one or is already in one, sex will be the first thing to suffer.

    http://sexandheart.com/your-man-sex-and-you

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:48am

  504. 504: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    What ever happened to Calypso?

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:53am

  505. 505: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Hi FW
    Calypso is still around but isnt having the best of times right now I think

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:57am

  506. 506: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Dominique
    “…Keeping a thankfulness journal will help keep the GOOD STUFF in the forefront of your consciousness more of the time. And there is likely SO much more of this in your life than you could have ever possibly imagined until you begin to write about it…”

    Oh, yes! You get my vote on this. Gratitude helps us see the joy, increase it and keep things in a better perspective. I have a few tools I use for recording different things.

    Best of luck with the video series too.

    SLV
    xoxo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:01pm

  507. 507: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From Gay:

    The Valentine’s Mystery

    Since I’ve been doing interviews this week in conjunction with my new mystery, The Second Rule Of Ten, I decided to tell you a little about the mystery of St. Valentine. He is listed as a martyr, although nothing is officially known about his life except that he died on February 14. To make it even more mysterious, there are several other lesser-known St. Valentines who have also been associated with February 14. Although it’s confusing to have so little reliable information, it’s actually good news: we can make up just about any kind of Valentine’s Day we want!

    Here are a few suggestions from my own personal V-Day activities:

    Find a couple of as-yet-unloved aspects of myself and love the heck out of them
    Find a really-hard-to-love aspect of somebody you love but who also drives you nuts from time to time. Love that aspect of the person until you remember what a miracle love is
    Pick strangers on the street who don’t have smiles on their faces and beam completely telepathic, love-drenched Valentine’s Day cards to them as you pass them
    Breathe! Celebrate the miracle of love all the way through the in-breath and express it out into the world with a big WHOOSH!

    Gay Hendricks

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:05pm

  508. 508: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth please give her my regards. I miss her energy here.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:06pm

  509. 509: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    My 12 year old just told me she will probably be in a bad mood tomorrow because its Valentine’s Day and she doesn’t have a boyfriend. When I remind her that she’s 12… She says well, so is everyone in my grade… My friends have boyfriends…. Ugh, why does this start so early? This feeling that you’re nothing unless a boy loves you? I reminded her if her friend whose mother just died, that’s a reason to be upset, she’s being silly to let that ruin her mood and day, but it’s real to her. Crap!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:12pm

  510. 510: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Turq, my daugher is 13 and was feeling the same way. It is real and important to them. I just reminded her that boys take a little more time to catch up and that she can be her own valentine. :) She and one of her friends are going to exchange.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:15pm

  511. 511: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    This felt amusing/enlightening: http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/what-his-valentines-day-gift-says-about-your-relationship-1#1

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:16pm

  512. 512: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I will FW
    Um

    12/13

    so hard at that age
    I can still recall how it felt not to feel wanted

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:20pm

  513. 513: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Its not much easier at 47 LOL

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:21pm

  514. 514: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – 502 – I will email you the direct listening info. It ought to work this way. I had to open it for someone else.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:22pm

  515. 515: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    SLV – 506 – :)

    And thank you.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:25pm

  516. 516: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    ouch ouch ouch ouch.
    She acted the way she did to deliberately hurt me.
    Ouch.
    Yes, that totally fits with my experience of her.
    One more drama of someone else gets to be the ‘good, kind’ one while I play the ‘bad/mean’ one
    down
    the
    drain.
    She believes she can domesticate her desire like a kitten or a bunny – hahahaha she is going to be in for a big surprise!!
    I love her and wow, what a relief.
    I will not be around when the sh*t hits the fan,
    thank you thank you
    I appreciate the favor you’ve done me, I really do, thank you thank you
    I love you!!
    What a relief.
    I feel so much lighter now.
    Life LOVES me.
    Thank you, thank you.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:29pm

  517. 517: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    509 turq, didn’t she go through this last year, too?

    (((((((girls))))))))))))

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:34pm

  518. 518: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise please please take the “she’s being silly” out of your mind. My daughter is 16 on March 1 and I keep getting into it with her and the “charge” around guys. What I do though is try to see her as a mirror reflecting me back to me. I try to see how this is real for her and her living what she is seeing in me and talk to her from there about loving herself and being feminine. I practice Level 2 listening with her and I have noticed her mature way of dealing with what I have been telling her. We can really learn a lot from them.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:35pm

  519. 519: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Memulo! It feels awesome to see you here and to read your comment to me! How is stuff going for you?

    I guess what it keeps boiling down to is that i just need to know and trust that he is representing himself in the relationship. He isn’t very good at speaking up for himself (confidence and self esteem issues), which would be one thing, but on top of that he does actually get upset when his needs are not being met by other people psychically anticipating them:P.

    It’s like…I get resentful trying to play psychic all the time to be sure he is not unhappy, and he gets resentful because i’m not actually psychic and he wishes i was so he wouldn’t have to speak up for himself.

    the last time we were together, he really fell into this. he figured that if he had to speak up for himself, then it wasn’t ‘meant to be.’ that i should just ‘know’ and proactively ‘offer’ what it was he was looking for.

    judgmental thought: jeeeez that’s immature.

    Anyway, he swears now that he understands that’s not okay and that it’s no way to have relationships with other people. And that’s great! But I have been seeing that he’s not actually doing things any differently, and a big part of that is because i’m doing my part to prevent it from changing, by giving into the role of fusser and “are you okay?”-er.

    Also, i reject intimacy out of fear often, so i need to be careful not to let all these “complaints” bubble up one after the other, like a wall i keep putting up to just giving in to true love.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:43pm

  520. 520: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks dominique, I’ll look forward to it :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 12:46pm

  521. 521: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I do listen and we talk a lot… but I do try to remind her that she has a long time to worry about these sorts of things, and it will definitely be part of her future. She doesn’t have much time left to be a kid. I don’t want this to be so important to her already, and yes Starla… it has been for a long time. It’s unfortunately not about the boys not being ready, most of her friends have boyfriends, but she isn’t getting asked out by the boys she likes. Which, aside from school functions, she isn’t allowed to date… so to me… this does seem silly in a certain context. My daughter is beautiful, she will be completely stunning as she gets older. I know all moms think that about their kids, but she really is going to be a knockout. She is sweet and fun, unique in her style, not ultra girly, but does wear makeup and fix her hair. She’s more of a jeans, boots and a t-shirt kind of kid, which I love. But she is developing, doesn’t really look 12, she’s already in a B cup. Ugh! So, I don’t know why she’s not as attractive to boys as some of the other girls, except that she is very strong willed and will argue, at least with her family. We do talk a lot about relationships, loving yourself, being ok without a boyfriend… but all that pressure at school gets to her. I considered getting her something from her secret admirer, but if she knew it was me, she’d be mad.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 1:24pm

  522. 522: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Turg, that’s my daughter. She’s turning 14 in April but looks 16 or 17. She’s absolutely stunning and has the figure to go with it. I told her that sometimes boys and men are afraid to approach such beauty. lol

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 1:27pm

  523. 523: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    turquoise, 521, i read that and just kept thinking ‘who cares?’ about the fact that other girls are getting boyfriends at her school. well i know SHE does care, of course. but i am picturing that your daughter is the type who will have a sweet first love when the time is right. it will be long-lasting and bonded and something for her to remember for the rest of her life. not just some ‘flavor of the week’ thing that middle schoolers seem to be doing when they “go out” with a new person every week.

    i’m seriously feeling relieved and happy that your daughter isn’t being included in the opportunity to trivialize romance.

    btw, when i was 12, the boys hardly ever gave valentines to specific girls, and they certainly didn’t have girlfriends. there was always an exception or two or three (it was a big school I went to), but we were KIDS then. we got crushes on each other and rarely acted on them.

    i feel scared for the new generations of children.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 1:30pm

  524. 524: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Starla… they buy each other presents now, it’s a big deal… it is very scary the way some talk to each other and what they talk about. Which is why I so want her to be a kid, and worry about kid things. It was great to realize last night when we watched Pitch Perfect, how many innuendo’s really do go over her head. I was embarrassed for some of it. It is PG 13 but still! Just not necessary.

    I like your idea about not trivializing love and that she will have something special to look forward to. I think she feels left out, not chosen. And that does feel terrible. I know.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 1:41pm

  525. 525: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    yeah
    It does feel terrible Turq
    Its like yesterday

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 1:50pm

  526. 526: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    turquoise, i got virtually no male attention as a teenager. it felt so awful to see girls get asked out to prom and homecoming, and never me.

    then i grew up and by the time i was 25, i started getting more positive male attention than any girl i knew. more dates, more gifts, more courtship….. some of those girls i used to envy have even taken notice on fb and asked me for my advice.

    everything feels SO fatal when it’s brand new, which is always the case to a young girl.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 1:53pm

  527. 527: TamNo Gravatar says:

    You know, guys, I did finally sent MrP a reply to my email. Made it clear that I am not available to me a friend or a friend with benefits and that I do not want to be contacted via what I consider meaningless texts and emails. We have not done any activities, we do not wish each other merry Xmas, happy birthday etc, so I consider the friendship as over.
    I was not blamey and just saying how I felt and that after 2 1/2 years of dilly-dallying, there is nothing there anymore.
    I was quite shakey when I sent it.
    I knew he would not answer, because there is no authentic word coming out of him, no matter how much I ‘open up first’ and that was not my aim anyway, though it would have been nice.
    It would have felt nice if he had acknowledged my email and perhaps said ‘I understand’.
    But the usual pattern now is silence, he is stunned. He will wait. And he will contact me again sometime with something meaningless, trying to start off contact again. This happened time and time again. And now it is up to me to stand by my words and ignore any attempts at making contacts.
    If he were to be authentic and speak authentically
    - I would listen, I would respond.
    I feel hopeless that this is ever going to happen.
    I wish the guy well, I really do.
    But it is time to lay that ghost to rest.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:40pm

  528. 528: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ugh, typos :(

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:41pm

  529. 529: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((Tam))))))))

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:47pm

  530. 530: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I understand how it feels to consider a man to be sweet and sexy AND not right for the relationship I want.

    :-(

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:49pm

  531. 531: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Can anyone here briefly remind me why we keep dating even though the urge is to take time out?
    I want to focus on myself, my career, my hobbies.

    I’ve gone and accepted a date for next week, and I want to find the light happy feeling about it, when a niggly thought tells me not to get into a relationship too soon.

    Help please….

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:52pm

  532. 532: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ah, April Rose, me too. Thanks for the hug..

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:56pm

  533. 533: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling so shaky…I have a feelings hangover :)
    Deep breaths…AND
    last week I overheard someone say she was looking over someone’s shoulder on their screen because, “I’m going to LEARN something if there’s something to learn!”
    I felt so shocked to realize how many times I would avert my eyes or not ask questions because I was taught not to be nosy.
    So a programmer was in my office speaking Spanish and after he was done, I asked why he was talking to the Spanish line and he laughed and explained they were way faster, he has a much better rapport with them.
    Yay! I asked!
    I feel lighter in my belly now, and a sensation moving up my right collarbone and throat that feels like pleasure, moving up and to the back of my throat.
    Yawning.
    Mmmmm….

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:56pm

  534. 534: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((tam))))))))))))))

    i wonder how lori is doing. i will ctrl+f for her posts:)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 2:57pm

  535. 535: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I am so excited about Valentine’s day tomorrow :)

    At work we are having a “secret friend” thing. We each randomly pick a name of a coworker and have to make his week special. Good occasion let my overfunction out :)

    I made a fake email address and I “called” myself Your Secret Friend. I sent a few nice notes to the girl I picked. I bought her a 5$ Starbuck gift card and will buy her a Valentine’s cupcake tomorrow. Also, I decored her desk with balloons and other Valentine’s stuff so she will be surprised tomorrow when she get there.

    This feels so fun and childish. But I love some little projects like that. It made me smile and remind me of the time I was working in summer camp.

    For Cheri I trieds to overfunction as less as possible.I made a montage of pictures of us with a cute text and I will post it on Facebook and Instagram and will tag him. I know it will make him feel proud. Besides that, I bought a tie. Not an expensive one. Just something regular that he will be able to think of me when he wears it. Oh and a card with a nice love note.

    I didn’t organise anything though. I let him the social director role (Im usually really bad at this so I am pretty proud of me)

    That might seem a lot but I feelso excited about these little things. You saw how I was excited about just a random coworker that is not even my friend? I love to shop, I love to wrap gifts, I love to surprise people. It’s as much for me as it is for him.

    And anyway it’s giving back. Because I know he has a lot of surprises for me. He is taking me to the spa and offering me a massage on Saturday (I know because he asked me for my favourite place, lol). Besides that, I have no idea but he did ask if it was ok to make me a surprise at the office or not. Flowers maybe? And he said he had giftS, with an S !!

    Awww I’m feeling smily when I think of him and his generosity. I love him so much.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:00pm

  536. 536: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    So today’s challenge (no leaning forward) went ok. Not perfect but pretty ok.

    Wondering what tomorrow’s challenge I could do tomorrow. Practice receiving maybe? But what would this include…

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:01pm

  537. 537: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “when a niggly thought tells me not to get into a relationship too soon.”

    date does not = relationship.

    a discussion about future plans, being on the same page, and being exclusive and committed = relationship.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:01pm

  538. 538: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and I boughttwo new teas today during lunch. I’m so good at pleasing myself. This is not a challenge for me. :)

    I love my generous-to-myself me:)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:03pm

  539. 539: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla 534, I’m here, just busy busy with work. You can catch up on my posts and respond if you like. :) I smiled when I saw your post. :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:03pm

  540. 540: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “a discussion about future plans, being on the same page, and being exclusive and committed = relationship.”

    Oh. I don’t think I’ve ever had a relationship.

    Wow. The thought of going through these stages feels new and tingly.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:12pm

  541. 541: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    You’re right. A date is just a date.

    I must get back in feminine siren mode.

    Gone back to masculine mode lately. It seems the people around me require it. WM doesn’t respond to me when I lean back. He backs off and I get lonelier and lonelier.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:14pm

  542. 542: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Lori, I got caught up! good for you, girl!

    and i’m not surprised he mentioned that this being responsible for making u unhappy/happy business is why he didn’t want to be in a relationship. actually, it’s kind of selfish for me to say that… because i’m just happy i was right! lol. i don’t like to be wrong about my gut feelings.

    tell me about some of your upcoming CDs!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:14pm

  543. 543: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, to experience the dynamic of a masculine man coming towards ME.

    That would feel so yummy.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:14pm

  544. 544: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    That is why I am dating.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:15pm

  545. 545: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    For my sanity. And to remember I AM A WOMAN.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:15pm

  546. 546: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    “a discussion about future plans, being on the same page, and being exclusive and committed = relationship.”

    Yay! I am in a real relationship :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:16pm

  547. 547: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:19pm

  548. 548: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I feel envious, I feel happy for you, I feel delighted it is so clear for you.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:20pm

  549. 549: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yay me too lizka!!!

    and i feel so planted firmly in it. like, it doesn’t matter that we have some fine or gross tuning to do in our dynamic. we are TOGETHER. we are together to move towards marriage… so many times when we’re figuring relationship stuff out, he and i are thinking about the long term result… we already think about how to have a happy marriage one day.

    i am focusing more and more on enjoying the present moment instead of the destination too

    balance balance balance

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:21pm

  550. 550: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose -

    “It seems the people around me require it. WM doesn’t respond to me when I lean back. He backs off and I get lonelier and lonelier.”

    FW told me yesterday (see post 317) that I was probably leaning forward when people lean back because I don’t believe that they will lean forward. But it’s SO untrue! They do lean forward… if we give them the space to!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:21pm

  551. 551: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    HI Starla! I think what he was saying is that he didn’t want to feel responsible for making me sad. He hasn’t wanted to feel bad. Hmmph. Well, I sent him an email clarifying and flat out telling him what it would take if he wants me to stay in his life because the twice a week phone calls aren’t enough for me. He did respond stating that he would respond later. Hasn’t yet. That’s okay too. He obviously has a decision to make.

    I have several CDs! Oh I definitely opened Pandora’s Box. lol.

    One is in law school, what a hottie, love our conversations. Second is a sports talent scout, another is way too young to consider accept as practice and a toy, (hehehe), then there are two more than just initiated contact yesterday and today. Oh, almost forgot about one that lives a little too far away but he does want to travel to meet me. Okay!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:22pm

  552. 552: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose it was such a journey! Itwas not easy and it came at the less expecting moment, from the less expected person :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:23pm

  553. 553: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    I will lean back and give him space.
    We’d been in such a dark place. He told me himself he was shutting me out and being defensive.
    I had to come forward to offer kindness. Again and again before he melted.

    Rori said to me it can feel wishy washy for a strong-minded woman in a relationship with a man who’s prone to depression.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:25pm

  554. 554: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I intend to stand by my female integrity, even when it loks like others are not responding to it.

    It matters to ME more than I care if it matters to them.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:27pm

  555. 555: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, same here. We always talk of how to make things beautiful in our life together, withour future kids, and it feels good. I am feeling secure in this because he is so good at listening and so open and when we have an issue, he listen to me and makes suggestion like I never had a man do it like that before. If there isa problem, he looks so move and really want to fix it and is not afraid to talk about it.

    Or maybe he is the first one to be like that because he is the first one to see the Siren me? Hmmm

    Whatever if it’s me or him, I feel happy and I got to focus too on living the moment and not only think the future.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:28pm

  556. 556: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am growing up and I am in contact with grown-up men.

    I feel sexy thinking I will be going out with such men.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:40pm

  557. 557: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I have developed a nervous habit of scratching my scalp hard until it bleeds.

    I intend to stop this NOW and allow my head to heal so that I can dye my hair on Saturday.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:42pm

  558. 558: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Aaaagh. Everything good seems to be ‘in the future’.

    Let me see, what is good in my life *now*?…

    Food: massively cutting down on wheat and sugar feels great in my body and my mood.

    Environment: I am finally getting on top of housework.

    That’s all.
    Work, beauty, love, and fulfilment all appear to exist in the future.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:46pm

  559. 559: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    There doesn’t seem to be anyone around to talk to.

    Goodnight sirens. I’m feeling the call of my soft pillow.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:49pm

  560. 560: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    april rose, scratch a different part of your body for now… it’s easier to transfer the picking and/or scratching habit to an innocuous part of the body first, and then give it up entirely.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:52pm

  561. 561: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, thanks Starla, i’ll try that. On my palms I think.
    I feel touched and teary that you have cared enough to help me with this.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 3:54pm

  562. 562: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, I don,t know why, but at this moment I feel a wave of affection for you and I want to give you a big hug. :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 4:05pm

  563. 563: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you so much, Lizka. I accept your hug right to the centre of my heart.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 4:19pm

  564. 564: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – 531 – It’s perfectly okay to take a break, out all of your focus on you if this feels good to you right now.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:00pm

  565. 565: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling Happy.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:11pm

  566. 566: Memulo says:

    Starla, I see now why you’re concerned. Well it sounds that he grew up and if not you can always remind him to;)
    I’m ok, my cd is taking me out tomorrow. Im planning another date for Friday night. I feel so guilty. I’m doing the same thing that dumbed did to me. this feels very cynical

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:22pm

  567. 567: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    501: Beloved. Hugs.

    Dr Margaret paul says.
    “The only way you are not abandoning yourself in conflict is when you stay lovingly connected with yourself and your spiritual guidance, taking loving care of your own feelings. If you practice this, you will not only find that your fear goes away, but you will discover that you feel extremely empowered. This empowerment will help you know if and how to deal effectively with any others involved in the conflict, instead of reacting from a triggered position.”

    “If possible, you can leave the situation. If you can’t leave, you can continue to focus on her rather than on the others, making sure that she doesn’t feel alone, and that she feels comforted.”

    Her and she being your inner feelings.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:32pm

  568. 568: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Tam re Mr P.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:32pm

  569. 569: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo.
    Ty for sharing your story.
    This resonates with me.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:38pm

  570. 570: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise. 152 I get where you are coming from.
    She isn’t you though.
    She isn’t able to see her through your eyes with your experience and wisdom and understanding.
    It doesn’t feel silly to her.
    And it is important to her.
    That is where she is at.

    It would feel so great if we all had the ability to teach understanding.
    We would be rich.

    And then even if we understand or they do we or they may still not agree.

    Bummer.
    No control.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:49pm

  571. 571: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Some days I would like a remote control for the universe.
    mhahhahahahah Evil laugh. :)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 5:50pm

  572. 572: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I am reading all threads, you girls are fast at filling this thing up!

    Scared having HPV does not mean you will have cancer, hpv may cause cervical cancer but it is not a guarantee you will get cancer, also other factors also contribute to cervical cancer. Most people who hava had hpv never got cancer.

    The issue that woman are going crazy over hpv is the hype that it was given to promote the new vaccine. The truth is that many women/men have HPV without knowing it, There are two types low and high risk. Most of the time hpv go away on its own if you have a good immune system, and dating people with other std’s is NOT something I will recommend because you will be at risk to get far worst STD’s like herpes/IHIV etc. I will suggest celibacy for a year then go back to see your GYN to do a pap/hpv test again to see if it is there or went away.

    here is a link with some hpv facts and myths

    http://www.nccc-online.org/index.php/faq

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 6:22pm

  573. 573: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    No CD’s fpr me; I am not even trying and I do not really cae about the silly Vday…. I am freeing myself from men! yayy me ! i never thought it was possible to be free from man crack…

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:02pm

  574. 574: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Wow, hey ladies wazz up. I feel excited. I have just finished reading Chapter 1 of Victoria Clark’s book, “Its Never Too Late to Marry.” Whoo. I am excited. Its pretty interesting. Wow I have a lot of catching up to do on the blog. I am off for the rest of the week.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:05pm

  575. 575: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if it is ok for me to post here any longer; I feel out of place because I do not want to date anymore and decide not to pursue men. I just want to be me and be happy and I am achieving that so far. Since this is a blog for men/women relationships, I wonder if I fit in it anymore.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:14pm

  576. 576: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    Ok – so what do I do if I dont get a present tomorrow for Valentines day?

    Also – I just moved in the office – and ended up moving RIGHT next to him. How in the world can I lean back when I feel like I am RIGHT NEXT to him all day?

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:19pm

  577. 577: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Lizydel I am here to get to feel comfortable being me whether it involves men or not.. I would feel happy to read your posts and learn and expand from your experience, as from anyone on the blog.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 7:49pm

  578. 578: Memulo says:

    I feel scared that the only way for me is to settle and just be more or less comfortable. Not happy – comfortable. And I feel so scared to go back out there and look for someone else. My feelings for dumbcd are not all gone, it’s like I don’t want to love anyone new. Pretty pathetic as he doesn’t give whatever about me and I on my side wouldn’t be able to even talk to him should an opportunity present itself

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:06pm

  579. 579: Memulo says:

    Luzydel, who cares, if you feel like posting even about the weather why to stop yourself;)

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:07pm

  580. 580: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel I don’t understand this place as one that encourages women to “pursue me”. Everything else you state is what I experience Rori’s and Dominique’s work encourage women to do. Being you and being happy is not only limited to the context of dating.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:30pm

  581. 581: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I am getting aware of how insecure I start to feel imagining myself being on my own. In the past I left a relationship just to get into a new one, and never because it felt wrong to me. Being with a man even if it didn’t feel good was like having an insurance.. I feel glad that the part in me that trusts me and believes in me, is still alive. I want to be out of neediness and I want to learn to be open no matter what. Fear out of neediness blocks my openess. But I will be okay. I intend to measure my life in ‘feels good/bad’ rather than anything or anyone else… men, projects, etc.. that would feel good.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:47pm

  582. 582: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “They do lean forward… if we give them the space to”. Anytime u give them space, they always lean forward. One day last week I leaned back from overseas cd, and after a few days, he leaned forward and said he missed me.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 8:54pm

  583. 583: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “I made myself available whenever he wanted me.” Big mistake. Trust me.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 9:26pm

  584. 584: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Wow, I completed 2 chapters of Victoria’s book. I enjoy reading it.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:02pm

  585. 585: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((TAM)))))))))

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:25pm

  586. 586: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Heard from a friend today…that I haven’t from in a 2 years….We had a falling out. I went all girl on her and expressed my feelings as I was feeling them at the time…and I was scared and self-conscious..
    And she sent me a beautiful reply…and I can she was trying to tell her feelings as well but wad uncomfy using the word “feel”….
    Something about that word makes us all feel Naked not so?

    Anyway…I have my friend back & I feel so good expressing myself like that to someone who I thought was Angry and going to laugh at my feelings…

    Awwwwr… I have a You’ve-come-a-long-way-baby kinda feeling along with an…but You’ve still have a long way to go…

    Oh wait…I just caught that…I feel guilty of feeling proud…I feel afraid of being punished for my pride and then must Humble myself…

    All this honesty feels amazing…

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:34pm

  587. 587: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thankful for this moment right…
    I feel grateful for soothing advice…
    I feel grateful for Wine

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:51pm

  588. 588: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i’m doing great with “Listening to Him” as listening at level 2 is called in the new book

    i feel proud and excited!

    i got a ‘strange’ feeling a couple times and saw the speaker ina new light and felt like i was ‘letting him in’ the way Rori talks about!

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 10:52pm

  589. 589: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Listening at level 2 still feels like homework to me…but it can relax you & make the listener feel heard…
    It’s Easy to listen at level 2 when you like a guy though…

    ALA – thank you for the response..I feel a little awful for putting down your attempts to help me feel better…but it felt really good to express my truth at the time.

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:01pm

  590. 590: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    listening to Him at level 2 became a whole lot easier when i realized i didn’t actually have to understand what he was saying

    lol!

    listening to the sound of his voice and allowing my thoughts to just pass thru is enough

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:17pm

  591. 591: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    lol Daria

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:40pm

  592. 592: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Implicit Validation

    Much is said about the importance of validating children’s feelings — telling children that it’s okay to feel how they feel.

    What’s rarely acknowledged is that children innately KNOW their feelings ARE valid, so they don’t need explicit validation unless they’ve been previously INvalidated.

    When the child’s inherent sense of worthiness is intact, the real beneficiary of explicit validating is the parent whose feelings were invalidated in childhood.

    Children derive greater benefit from IMPLICIT validation, which is most powerfully expressed when we are willing to be fully present with them as they move through their emotions.

    No words are needed to validate implicitly. You never say, “It’s okay to be happy,” you just KNOW it’s okay. So why say, “It’s okay to be sad/mad/etc,” if so-called “negative” emotions are just as valid as the “positive” ones?

    You’ll find it easier to stay present if you hold this thought: Children who have strong feelings are blessed with strong Inner Guidance.

    * Share this groove: (Web/Facebook/Twitter)
    http://dailygroove.net/validation“

    Wednesday, 13 February 2013 @ 11:55pm

  593. 593: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Daria 592

    I love this. I also wish, wish, wish that children were taught basic emotional agility skills in schools as part of their education, ie. feeling the feeling, getting the message and using the information, letting it move through you and returning to homestasis again.

    Basically, I wish there was more of an emphasis on the wisdom of our emotions in our education system.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 3:16am

  594. 594: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day to u all ladies. Hope u have a good day. I am lying here in bed and daybreak is almost here. As I said earlier, I wonder if Overseas cd is going to say anything on Valentines Day. Remember I put him in the friend zone now. Then I heard ‘ping’. Not bb ping but from Facebook. Thought at first it was people sending messages to other people’s wall but when I looked it was him. He said,”Happy Valentines Day baby.” As I sit here in the dark the following questions come to mind. 1. Why can’t I find the right man? 2. Am I doing something wrong? I am not focusing on one man anymore. I am open to circular dating. I haven’t met cd number 2 yet though. I finished Chapter 2 of Victoria Clarke’s book, “Its Never Too Late to Marry”. It seems pretty interesting. I have a high self esteem. I long for a man who is really into me SERIOUSLY and who will stay forever. Its hard. I am not feeling sad or anything. But like many women, I am TIRED of FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. I have not yet responded to Overseas cd. I will wait a while. Don’t want to seem too anxious. He has leaned back. Not messaging so often. I think he is mourning. Remember his best friend died. Wish there was another cd. So where are u ladies off today now? Hairdresser is coming to do my hair, I am going to do my eyebrows and attend to some other personal business. Overseas cd is waiting for my response. He wish happy Valentines day quite early. Didn’t know I would even hear from at all, let alone so earlier. Sometimes I wonder if he is divorced for true. Will continue in another post.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 3:40am

  595. 595: Memulo says:

    K2012, yes, sometimes they lean forward if you lean back and sometimes they disappear;)

    Happy Vday everyone!

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 3:50am

  596. 596: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day sirens!!! I had actually forgotten it was Valentine’s day until the radio reminded me on the way to work.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 3:52am

  597. 597: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Still haven’t answered him yet. Will do so after I send this post. I believe that with Overseas Cd is one of three situations which might account for the reasons why he has not called and is messaging only from December till now. The reasons I believe are one of about 3: they are: 1. He is in a serious relationship and just fooling around hence can’t talk on the phone (but I don’t know if the person lives with him 2. He is just not interested for whatever reason, maybe because I am long distance (although HE was the one who asked for a relationship and told me he didn’t mind long distance) and 3. He is dating a number of people let’s say about 2 or 3 persons apart from me, maybe 2 other persons and has not yet decided who he is going to focus on, so instead of calling me and giving me hope, basically stepping up things, he chooses not to call as he is not sure who he will choose to get involved with and he doesn’t want to step up things and hurt me when he is not sure. I suspect that it is number 3. Shared this with one of my sisters yesterday. Heard another ping from facebook. Could be him again. Going to answer now.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 4:10am

  598. 598: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    592: Daria.

    Ty for the link Daria.

    As a child mine were invalidated daily over and over again continuously the positive and the negative.
    But especially the negative which were not allowed.
    It was compulsory to ignore the negative like anger and sadness.

    And unknowingly at the time I chose to marry a man and carry on reliving my pain and trauma my faulty subconscious love imprint.

    Ar least now I have become aware and am able to chose a real healthy soul based love.

    I feel thankful for my awakening and soul reconnection.
    I do however feel a sadness for the years lost.
    Nothing I am able to do about that now though as I am not able to turn back time.

    So feel best to accept and sink into the sadness when it comes, which it does at times and comes in waves, put my hand on my heart and let the tears flow, breath let go until I feel a little lighter.
    Healing tears of a survivor instead of tears of a victim.

    Wishing everyone lots of happy loving moments on valentines day.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 4:14am

  599. 599: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    593 me to Indigo.

    Sadly do not see that happening any time soon as the whole school system in based on social conditioning and control.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 4:18am

  600. 600: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Morning sirens…

    Arrgggghhhh….

    I just need to vent again… I had a big meeting this morning to discuss the scope for a large project that I am working on. Up until this time I have had a large involvement for scoping the project out and I was quite happy with the way it was going.

    When I got there today it became clear to me, that after initially scoping the project out certain changes had been made that really have impacted my role.

    I feel really angry about this. I voiced my concerns in the meeting but had a very condescending approach from everyone. I felt I was being treated like my concerns were not valid.

    I suppose what I am trying to say is that along the way I have been asked for my opinion. I have given it, I have felt understood – yet when push comes to shove, I have actually been totally ignored.

    I felt angry to have to bring these things up at such a crucial meeting. I feel totally over-rided and railroaded and “ahhhhhhhh” And literally I was the only person in the room who had ever worked on projects like this before!!! Yet, I was being talked to like I was a small child!!!! Ahhhhhh….!!!! I feel so mad…..

    Sorry, I just had to vent….

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 4:19am

  601. 601: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo.
    The wrong ones for us disappear when we lean back.
    Weed themselves out.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 4:21am

  602. 602: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel all fatalistic, like everything is slipping out of my hands and there is nothing I can do about it….

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 4:23am

  603. 603: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hallp Valentine’s Day.
    Mixed feelings for me.
    Last year on this day, MrP contacted me and we spent three really great months together. Well, anyway.
    Curly was at my place yesterday, I cooked something…which I only did one time before..but I actually love it and he took me out a few times so I felt like doing it. I am very mindful of not overfunctioning these days…
    We had fun.
    He was complimenting me on everything, the food, the way I look (no make up and a house-dress, haha)…and in the end he couldn’t help himself to ask the perennial question ‘so why don’t you want to be my girlfriend?’.
    Helpfully, the phone kept ringing till late…and eventually he said ‘oh it’s my ex, she wants to come down here and I have been talking to her whilst we were kind of broken up and yada yada yada’. This is a lie, because he has been talking to her the whole time, last time I witnessed it in January, when he was with me and said to her ‘I can’t talk, I am with people’. YUCK. Anyhow, it served as a really good decoy yesterday.
    I just said ‘the reason why I don’t want to be your girlfriend, amongst other things, is for example the fact that you have ex-girlfriends calling you at all hours of the day’.
    He he.
    He said he understood and would do somehing about it. As if.
    Actually, it makes no difference anyway.
    He is not my forever man…he is my fun man as long as its fun. If the phone is ringing too much, I might re-think the ‘fun quotient’….hehe.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 5:42am

  604. 604: TamNo Gravatar says:

    It feels a bit sad, but everything seems easy when you’re not in love with a man. It changes the whole dynamic.
    I am starting to become petrified of falling in love again. Urgh.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 5:46am

  605. 605: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – Ever thought about communicating to Curly…that you would need him to give up his female friends..in order to have a relationship with you…
    Or that you felt bad when he kept talking to his ex…

    He seems like he’s ready to please you.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 5:58am

  606. 606: TamNo Gravatar says:

    605. Yes, Heart. Actually I said last night ‘I don’t want a man who regularly communicates with his ex girlfriends, especially when with me and at inappropriate hours’ and I also said that I can’t be his girlfriend ‘for many reasons’ one being his large following of female friends. When we had that bad spell, he moved a woman into his house…because he thought ‘it was ok if we are not together’…and so on. I told him he can do what he wants but that those are some of the reasons why I am not going to commit to him.
    He has always been like that, he isn’t going to change. I don’t want him for a relationship anyway.
    I like to pass some time with him.
    He knows all this an ‘accepted’ the terms.
    I told him if this woman thing starts to feel icky to me, I will vanish.
    It is what it is.
    He is CDing in some ways – fine, his right as I have not committed to him. And it is my right to not commit to him, and keep CDing myself until I find the guy who’s right for me :)

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:04am

  607. 607: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Understand where you are coming from Tam.
    I felt this way.
    I no longer feel terrified.
    The terror has gone as I have become more aware

    Feels best to sit back,watch and only let a worthy suitor win my heart now.
    I now feel connected to and tuned into a higher power guiding me to let me know who that person is.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:05am

  608. 608: TamNo Gravatar says:

    He says he is ready to please me and turn all that stuff that bothers me ‘off’. But saying and doing it are two different things. The evidence is scanty. ;)

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:05am

  609. 609: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – where is he meeting all these women…?
    He sounds like some kinda mix between the playboy mansion and a homeless shelter.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:15am

  610. 610: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    ps Tam – I want to find the guy that’s right for me too. Dont we all :)

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:19am

  611. 611: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    593 and 599…Yes! Sadly it’s just the opposite…children are “taught” to be “seen and not heard”, to stuff their emotions, to be “good”, to “behave”… and we take all of this into adulthood creating scenarios in our relationships that can become very toxic to ourselves and the relationship itself. Feel very passionate about this subject and changing it, starting in my own backyard…

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:19am

  612. 612: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting information on valentines day.

    http://medfield.patch.com/articles/do-you-know-the-history-of-valentines-day

    Valentines day is sooo commercialized and images that we see plastered alll over suggest what this day should produce in our life.

    Sending out hugs today just like I do everyday to all the sirens.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:20am

  613. 613: TamNo Gravatar says:

    609 Heart!! hahaha..YES!! You are dead on.
    that made me giggle a lot!!!

    He’s been collecting them for years…he goes out a lot. He talks to anybody. Women love him and he loves them. When we go for a walk and I head for a restroom, I can guarantee he will be talking to at least one by the time I get out..last time they were 2 feisty ladies in their 80′s but still….you get the picture.
    He is a talker and a charmer…not exactly traits that I hold high in my estimation, for a man.

    But, as he is definitely NOT my forever man, it’s ok for now. When it starts to bother me I am outta there.
    Bye bye Curly ;)

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:22am

  614. 614: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I feel curious and wonder what is the difference, in your mind, between having sex with Curly and not being his girlfriend,
    and having sex with Mr. P, and not being his girlfriend.
    I wonder if it’s because with Curly, you get to choose?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:24am

  615. 615: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Beloved…the difference is that Curly and I are on different pages with so many things, that I can’t envisage myself in a committed relationship with him. I don’t have anybody else, and he is fun to spend time with.
    He is coming to me, he is on my timetable and very accommodating and sweet – just not boyfriend material for me.
    MrP was different, I saw him as boyfriend material, but he chose not to go down that route…and that is why it had to end. It was never about the sex with him at all, we hardly ever had sex….it was more emotional, the whole thing.
    Huge difference, for me.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:36am

  616. 616: TamNo Gravatar says:

    and yes, I get to choose…and I guess the biggest point is that I am NOT in love.
    I can take it or leave it.
    I feel bad saying that, because I do like him and he is very sweet to me most of the time. And when he isn’t, he is man enough to ‘talk things through’ and apologize. So he does have some nice qualities.
    I just don’t want all of him.
    That is the bottom line.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:39am

  617. 617: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thankful to my hair stylist for my fantastic highlights. I feel bright and shiny. I feel like I’ve brought summer to the city.
    I feel thankful to myself for the great food I am feeding myself with. I feel so good and safe in my body.
    I feel thankful to myself for practicing body dialogues. It felt fun and flirty. And my body feels more accepted and relaxed in arms.
    I feel thankful to myself for intending to send more love to my shoulders. My shoulders feel glad and look forward to that.
    I feel thankful to myself for walking up to the end of the street to see the panoramic view of the city. I felt curious first and then amazed.
    I feel thankful to MH for suggesting help with house errands. I feel like a girl here. I also feel glad to practice accepting help and expressing my appreciation to family people.
    I feel thankful to MH for making me tea. I feel appreciated and a little awkward, but that’s absolutely fine.
    I feel thankful to MH for washing my hands. It felt fun and playful and intimate.
    I feel thankful to the Universe for my little dog who didn’t recognize me with new bangs. It felt too funny!

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:40am

  618. 618: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I get you Tam ….for some reason those kinds of men seem a bit feminine energy.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:45am

  619. 619: TamNo Gravatar says:

    618, well yes Heart, I agree, though he is extremely alpha…in some ways he is also very emotional and emotionally in-tune. Hence he does connect with women well.
    Unlike MrP, who was a real shocker. He doesn’t relate to women well at all and prefers the company of men. If an ex would call him after 10pm at night, he wouldn’t take the call or hw would take it and say ‘what the heck is this supposed to be’….hahaha. He is not the subtle sort. Hence I don’t ever remember a woman call him…in over 2 years…hahaha.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:56am

  620. 620: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    617

    Vi
    I feel thankful that you keep posting what you feel thankful for :)

    The thing that really struck me most about meeting Mercedes, is that she is BRISTLING with positive energy. Little things I take for granted she was expressing a deep gratitude and appreciation for, and it felt SO good to be around.

    It wasn’t a superficial feeling, it felt like part of her way of BEing.
    I felt inspired and want that for me, too.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 6:57am

  621. 621: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I wrote this before but no one answered…Ok – so what do I do if I dont get a present for Valentines day?

    Also – I just moved in the office – and ended up moving RIGHT next to him. How in the world can I lean back when I feel like I am RIGHT NEXT to him all day?

    He just called me and asked me a couple of questions and didnt even MENTION Valentines Day.

    I made him something and got him something little. I wont give it to him unless he gives something to me – right? I mean I dont want to lean in and give him something if he doestn give me anything, right?

    Ok – so if he gets me nothing – what do I do? Do I say something tomorrow like that hurt my feelings? What do I do? Or just blow it off….?

    Please help – I’m sitting here and really shaky I feel really anxious and want someone to please answer me. Please. Thanks. Ugh. I hate this feeling. Literally my hands are shaking as I type this.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:07am

  622. 622: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Elsie, no expectations, remember? It doesn’t matter if it’s Valentine’s Day. No expectations. No leaning forward, I wouldn’t give the gifts to him unless he comes forward with something for you first. Believe me, I understand. I’d like to say Happy Valentine’s Day to some of them and especially to K too but I refuse to initiate.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:12am

  623. 623: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Lori (and others!!!)

    so what do I do if he gives me nothing? I feel upset…and shaky…and anxious.

    He and I have been seeing each other for a year now. He got me a really nice birthday present and a totally thoughtful Christmas presents……

    Ugh. How do I act if I get nothing? I dont know how to act….or respond…..I dont know what is appropriate. I feel like screaming and yelling and crying…..clearly that wont be right…..haha.

    Help. I’m on the ledge….someone talk me off of it…..

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:19am

  624. 624: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie,
    Go into the ladies room and compose yourself. If he doesn’t give you anything, it really is okay. Even if all he says is Happy Valentine’s Day. He remembered and said something. :) Have you seen Dominique’s materials? They are awesome. No expectations. If you let go of them, you will feel better. Hugs to you.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:23am

  625. 625: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Lori – Ok – what if he doesnt even say anything? I feel like everything we have been through for a year, ….honestly this is how I feel….I feel like its something he knows would make me smile and make me happy if he did something for me for Valentines Day, – and if he doesnt then obviously he doesnt care about my feelings, right?

    Dont I get to be mad about that? That someone COULD do something to make me happy but is CHOOSING not to?

    We always hang out over lunch – now I feel like I dont even want to do that – I dont even want to be around him. I know that sounds childish and petty.

    I want to look like a strong woman but frankly I’m really upset.

    I dont want to let go of expectations I guess, I want something sweet from him for Valentines Day – how is that wrong?

    Can everyone tell that I’m a mess?

    Elsie

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:29am

  626. 626: TamNo Gravatar says:

    It might help to remember that it’s just a day.
    Personally, I don’t really understand all the hype about Valentine’s day. I actually feel compassion for men. All that pressure.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:35am

  627. 627: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “He is a talker and a charmer…not exactly traits that I hold high in my estimation, for a man”

    Very very interesting comment. Very very interesting comment. It seems that I would be attracted to a charismatic man who can hold his own in social settings. It seems that this is the personality I want for myself. To help me with cdating and with drawing men in, like bees to honey. Is there a lesson here? How could I see this as a positive in a man and use it to my advantage? I wonder if I could feel proud hanging back watching my man in this kind of action, knowing that I am his heartbeat?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:40am

  628. 628: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie this is want expectations create.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:41am

  629. 629: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie

    What would feel GOOD for you to do???
    What can YOU give YOU for Valentine’s Day?

    Stay on your horse…he goes on the back.

    If you aren’t feeling strong don’t pretend like you are. If you are feeling vulnerable, take some time to care for your vulnerable feelings and keep the focus on YOU and your self-care.

    Want what you want as much as you want it, nothing wrong with that.
    Sink into the feeling of wanting, hold yourself, put your hand on your heart, go hide in your car at lunch if you need to, but take care of YOU first and foremost.
    RockStar this day! And you can totally RockStar it and be a diva without being fakey strong.
    ((((Elsie)))))

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:42am

  630. 630: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie do you know what your love language is?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:43am

  631. 631: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    625

    Elsie –

    “if he doesnt then obviously he doesnt care about my feelings, right?”

    It’s your job to care about your feelings.

    “Dont I get to be mad about that? That someone COULD do something to make me happy but is CHOOSING not to?”

    Your feelings are valid and you have a total right to anything and everything you feel.

    How does it feel to believe that he holds the keys to your happiness and is somehow choosing not to?

    What could YOU being doing to make YOU happy?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:48am

  632. 632: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Feminine Woman – I do – My love Language is acts of service and quality time. Both of which I’m not getting today.

    @Beloved – What would feel good would be to be with him and have him shower me with affection. But I dont know what it means to Rock Star the day? I feel so far from a Rock Star right now. And do I tell him if he asks me what is wrong – do I tell him?

    @Tam – it is just a day. I agree. But he knows I’m sentimental and a romantic. So even thought its not something HE would need, he should know that I would LOVE something today. So – he would do it because he knows it would make me smile. If that makes sense.

    Thank you sirens, and keep the advice coming please. I am SO ON THE LEDGE right now. I am so shaky. I went to the bathroom to compose myself but now that I am back I’m just right back to being shaky.

    Why cant I feel like a Siren right now? What do I do if he actually comes in to chit chat and doesnt say anything about Valentines Day?

    Ok – I should have called in sick today – this sucks.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:52am

  633. 633: k2012No Gravatar says:

    The second ping wasn’t him. I answered. I am by myself in a food court just now and had a bite to eat. I am hearing some love songs. I feel a bit lonely. I am going to work to drop off something and then I have other business. Hope hairdresser can come early to do my hair. Remember I am off for the rest of the week. Feminine Woman, Lori, Dominique, Mercedes and other ladies. See my post 594 and 597 and this one of course. Would love to have your comments. Yes Memulo, sometimes the disappear. True true. Like this guy who I knew from schooldays who my father taught. Not disappearing ex, a guy before that. We reconnected on Facebook and was talked for 2 months. He would often lean back and I would certainly follow cause I don’t chase men. Anytime I see them lean back or withdraw, they better believe that I am doing the same thing. When I lean back in response to his leaning back, the guy would lean forward and then eventually, he stopped writing. I was okay with that as we were not involved and he obviously had not healed from his divorce so he clearly wasn’t ready for a relationship anyway. This was a guy before disappearing ex. I feel tempted to say something else to overseas cd. Lol. I responded to him already by saying “happy valentines day_____________ but he hasn’t said anything else. Oh gosh. Tempted to say something else but I will keep quiet. Let him wonder what I am up to.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:53am

  634. 634: TamNo Gravatar says:

    627..FW, guess I should have said ‘talks too much and flirts too much with other women’.
    I am not sure that telling a stranger, who just wants to pass by you, your whole life story counts as ‘holding one’s own’ in social situations ;)

    He can do that too, but he does go on and on..and people often will ‘check out’ as he does not have fine sensors for when they are trying to suppress yawns.

    This is the kind of thing we are talking about…

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:53am

  635. 635: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie, is this really about Valentine’s day?
    It suggests something else…just wondering.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:55am

  636. 636: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Beloved – You are right. I’m going to admit the fact that I do feel like he holds the keys to my happiness. I have always felt like I give that away to someone else. I dont really “get” how to make myself happy I guess. I know how to do things for other people – and make them happy. I know how to give and give and give – Im great at that. I’m just not great at giving to myself. I sort of expect someone else to do that for me.

    It doesnt really “feel” as good when I just do something for myself versus if someone else does something for me – does that make sense????? Its sort of like you cant give yourself as good of a foot rub as if someone else does it for you. It somehow feels better and means more. Thats where I’m at if I’m being honest.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:55am

  637. 637: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Sentimental and romantic is not the same as neediness and ‘needing’ something for a man to make you feel better. Can you be romantic to yourself?
    Calling in sick over not getting a Valentines day present suggests something very much deeper there..I would go inside myself and prize out what I am really feeling.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:57am

  638. 638: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Tam – you are very insightful. It does suggest the fact that I am completely insecure in this relationship or whatever it is. I feel completely like he has the power to make me happy or not, and I’ve given that to him – and I dont like it – but after what I’ve been through for the past decade with a horrible man, this felt so wonderful.

    Now, I will say this – every single time without exception that I have felt this kind of anxiety – he has come through. I have no idea if he will come through for me today on Valentines Day – but maybe.

    I guess I just dont believe that what I really want will show up for me. Thats the truth.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:58am

  639. 639: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    632

    Take some deep breaths, woman!!!
    This is not a life or death situation!
    Get some perspective!
    One of Rori’s tools is to imagine you are a bird, flying up and over yourself, higher and higher, until you can see how tiny everything happening really is. I like to take it to flying over the seemingly endless ocean…mmmm!

    Feel what you feel and take care of your feelings, that’s being a Rock Star.

    “Why cant I feel like a Siren right now?”

    There is nothing wrong with you! Part of being a siren is feeling all of your feelings, not just being calm, cool and collected all of the time.

    Is taking the day off actually a good option for you? Would you feel better at home, with no major repercussions at work or financially?
    Go get a mani-pedi? Hot bath?
    Something else that feels good and focused on your health and well-being?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:59am

  640. 640: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Tam – how in the world can you be romantic to yourself? It just doesnt feel the same, does it? Its just not the same thing. You can be nice to yourself and pamper yourself, but it doesnt feel the same as when someone does that for you.

    I know that none of this is good or healthy, I just dont know how to get there from here.

    And frankly, like I said – I dont really believe that what I want will show up for me. So someone can say that I SHOULD believe that, but how do you just start believing something that you just dont believe in now????

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:03am

  641. 641: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Domestic, this is so complex, and I feel your pain (knowing so many people with chronic illnesses like yours) and want to hug you and encourage you. The stress of tolerating this situation is making things worse for you. Please focus on your children, and on building a FRIENDSHIP with this man, who’s the father of your children, so he can give you as much household relief and financial support as possible. When you have that going smoothly, start Circular Dating very gently, not actually dating – but spending time doing things you can enjoy – with your children when need be – where there are men so you can learn to be social again.

    You might want to contact Bobbi Palmer, a great dating coach for nuts and bolts help, and she has great experience with women with chronic illness and can help you very personally. http://www.datelikeagrownup.com

    Love, Rori

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:03am

  642. 642: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    636

    Elsie
    “It doesnt really “feel” as good when I just do something for myself versus if someone else does something for me – does that make sense?????”

    Yes, I’m giggling and nodding my head…YES, makes perfect sense!

    I bought myself roses for my birthday and some for my altar this week and it has been a major practice to appreciate and let myself really love them.
    Deep down inside, I frickin ADORE roses, could lose myself in them and drool just thinking about them…but there’s a lot of resistance.

    Being with Mercedes a few weeks ago showed me how powerful it is to PRACTICE.
    I don’t think she’ll mind me sharing that she kept a gratitude journal for two years…
    and it really really shows in her.

    There is something so amazing about being around someone who just loves life…and I learned from her that it doesn’t come overnight (unless you are Eckhart Tolle, lol), it takes practice.

    One thing I like to do is softly stroke my hands. It feels very loving to me.

    I feel for you…I know that scary out-of-control feeling, like the ground is going to crumble any second. Focus on you, your work, whatever you are feeling.
    Keep breathing…hold on to your chair or something if you need, to help you feel more stable.

    Maybe some water, or a quick walk down the hall or outside?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:08am

  643. 643: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    Ok – first off to the ladies answering me – thank you – you are helping me. And distracting me from thinking about him who is sitting less than 2 feet from me.

    @Beloved – You are right this is not life or death – but it is painful. I just feel like I do so much and dont get a lot in return from people sometimes.

    I know thats my fault. And again, maybe what I want will show up for me from him today, but I just feel like he should have already done something or said something to me. He called me and didnt say anything about V Day, etc. Ugh.

    After what I’ve been through in the last decade, it was so nice this last year to have someone who was really there for me and loved me – but now when I dont think he is going to show up for me – and maybe he wont – I dont know what to do with myself. I do feel like i have given him the power to whether or not I’m happy – and I just know thats wrong, but I dont know HOW HOW HOW to get it back…..

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:12am

  644. 644: TamNo Gravatar says:

    do you feel ‘neglected, ignored, lonely’?
    is Valentines day just a trigger that brings it out?
    Valentines day is over in a few hours.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:13am

  645. 645: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    There’s a new post up – but I’ll respond here for now, too…

    Another tool I’ve been practicing is One Command – “I don’t know how, I only know that I do”.

    “I don’t know HOW I feel safe, secure, and loved, I only know that I do. I don’t know HOW I believe that what I want will show up for me, I only know that I do. ”
    (There’s more to it according to the author but using that without the other steps works fine for me).

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:14am

  646. 646: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie I would have guessed that your love language would be gifts because of what you wrote above. I am wondering though if you shared with him what your love language is and what would make you feel really loved.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:15am

  647. 647: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie

    You are sososo welcome, I have SO totally been there!!!!

    “I dont know what to do with myself. I do feel like i have given him the power to whether or not I’m happy – and I just know thats wrong, but I dont know HOW HOW HOW to get it back…”

    What if you start with, “I don’t know HOW I get my power to make myself happy back, I only know that I do.”?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:16am

  648. 648: TamNo Gravatar says:

    640 Elsie, I don’t know. I bought myself a totally ridiculous little valentines cake and I keep taking it out of the fridge and admiring it and feeling really happy about treating myself. I have been off sugar for a few weeks. I take pictures of it.
    It sounds silly, but I have learnt to make myself happy and anything else just feels like a bonus.
    It’s not easy but the first step is to STOP.
    Stop expecting and wishing and just go and do something. Go for a walk, paint your nails, watch a movie you like.
    Anything.
    Slowly slowly.
    Expecting a man to ‘heal’ you and make you feel better is the road to ruin. It will not work, ever.
    Sorry. Seeing whatever he gives freely as a BONUS, not a ‘necessary’ thing. That’s where the work is.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:18am

  649. 649: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    What really cracks me up and makes me feel amused is realizing, while we are sitting around freaking the f*ck out over these men, they are like, “Hmm, I wonder who will win the SuperBowl next year?”

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:18am

  650. 650: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    I wonder that too FW…

    Elsie said “I feel like its something he knows would make me smile and make me happy”

    You feel like he knows or he DOES know? Is he supposed to read your mind about what would make you smile and be happy???!!

    I agree that you’re giving this man and the “relationship” way too much power. It never works when this happens because your vibe is constantly needy and clingy and co-dependent.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:19am

  651. 651: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @ Beloved – Thank you for your words. This is exactly how I feel right now – exactly…

    “that scary out-of-control feeling, like the ground is going to crumble any second.”

    Its crazy because frankly this man has done nothing but been really good to me, but sometimes he doesnt show up for me in ways that I need. And for some reason I honestly didnt think Val. Day was going to be a big deal, but now that its here, even though it may be wrong, that its a stupid commercialized day – it FEELS like he should do something for me. I dd something for him, and WOULD LOVE to give it to him, but I wont unless he gives me something first, because I feel like it would be leaning in way too much if I gave him something for Val Day right? Crazy.

    Yes, I feel shaky.

    And I am grateful for my life, my health, my families health and my job. I am so grateful for all of that…..

    ……its just that I wish that what my hearts desire was would show up for me today. I think it would make it feel like my feelings and this realtionship are validated somehow.

    It certainly would make me feel loved and special.

    …..and right now now I dont feel either of those things. I feel sad, and lonely, and anxious, and worried, and alone, and shaky.

    Ugh.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:19am

  652. 652: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Curvy Siren – I’m totally codependent. I know that. It started with my mom. She really made it so that I never could have an independent thought – and that the only validation that was worth anything was from her, so I constantly sought it. Its only been in the last year or so that I’ve even realized that. So its a process, but you are dead on right. I totally give away my power, and look to others to make me happy and feel loved. Its horrible, and at least I know it – its just I dont know how to change it.

    And to answer your question – yes he KNOWS it. He KNOWS me very very very well.. He knows that doing something for me today would make my heart smile. Completely 100% he knows that.

    @Beloved – I guarantee he is over there working on his files and not giving ANY of this a second thought. He can hear me typing away, and I’m sure he thinks I’m working hard too – LOL. Not. I’m working very hard though on stressing out about him.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:23am

  653. 653: sha-shaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy V-day Ladies :)
    I got some intresting text messages from a women today I actually feel really sad for her. I dnt know her at all I have a guy friend I’ve known for couple years he was here in my state on vaction I hungout with him on time we went out for lunch to catch up on life….He never mentioned he had a New women in his life. He went out of his way to tell me he was staying at his friends house who is married! Hmmm I believed him and never questioned it at all I have no reason to cuz were just friends….Anyways I got these messages from this women she said she has 8females to contact..Oh boy he has been living with this women since thanksgiving when he got here.. She was crying to me I had no idea wht to say.I guess I was the third one on her list the first two she spoke to were in some way sleeping with this Guy….. I guess for this Man he must be so Used to lying to women he even lies to his women friends…This poor women is devastated on V-day . On top of it this man has been asking me for $$ to pay his phone bill. He makes ten times more $$ then I do I was totally confused on this whole situation….. I been trying to comfort this women I dnt even Know.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:25am

  654. 654: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I dont really believe that what I want will show up for me”

    Elsie it is your choice to make. If you want to talk yourself out of what you want, no one can talk you into it.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:28am

  655. 655: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Elsie, if I’ve learned anything from Rori and being around here, it’s that men are simply NOT attracted- and maybe even repelled- by that co-dependent vibe. THAT is where your work lies…

    You have to love yourself first and release the need to be validated by others. Your relationships will transform once that happens…

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:32am

  656. 656: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @ Feminine Woman and Curvy Siren –

    I hear what you are both saying – but HOW do I do that? Logistically speaking – how do you do that? How do I stop being co-dependent? How do I release the need to be validated by others? How do I change the belief that I dont think what I really want will show up for me?

    How?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:35am

  657. 657: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/catalog/collection.html?s=12765&e=1&cid=OZZZ3W&lid=4&sbid=Ypdd

    Has anyone bought all of Rori Rayes books? She is having a special now and I’m thinking about it….

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:42am

  658. 658: BelovedNo Gravatar says:

    656

    Elsie -

    Skip the “how” and start with, “I don’t know how, I only know I do/can/am”, the way will begin to reveal itself.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:44am

  659. 659: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Beloved – I have no idea what that means, I’m sorry.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:48am

  660. 660: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I wasn’t going to get amb cd a valentines card… And now I’m slightly concenplating the idea. We’ve been dating 2 and half months. The only reason I’m thinking I should though is incase he has me one…? But I’m not expecting one though, which is why I never bought one? What do you ladies think?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:52am

  661. 661: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie, so you are saying he didn’t do anything for Valentines day to deliberately make you unhappy?
    You are assuming that he knows what you need (he might, he might not) and deliberately ‘witholds it’.

    Uhmmm…why would you want to be with a man who knows how to make you happy and yet doesn’t do it anyway? You are implying he is being ‘mean’.
    Is this something you are interpreting into his actions? And if not, why not go and find a man who wants to make you happy :)

    That’s why we are all here, to do that :)
    Good luck to us.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:54am

  662. 662: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie it is a process. You can at least start by standing in front of the mirror and talking to yourself rather than “demanding” something from someone else.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:56am

  663. 663: TamNo Gravatar says:

    660 Smile, you could buy one just to be prepared and then see how you feel/whether you want to give it to him? That’s what I might do in your situation.
    In my situation, I have bought nobody anything, not even Curly…I don’t feel like it. He did get a slice of my indulgent valentine’s cake though….and a slice of me. That was more than enough :)

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 8:57am

  664. 664: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie: “I feel like its something he knows would make me smile and make me happy if he did something for me for Valentines Day, – and if he doesnt then obviously he doesnt care about my feelings, right?” – OMGosh!!! NOOOOOOO it doesn’t “obviously” mean that. :-( Pretty much every man on the planet knows that something special on Valentine’s Day will make any woman on the planet smile. For those who don’t buy into the retail trap of it all…that does not mean, absolutely does not mean, that they don’t care about our feelings. I feel soooooo sad reading that. :-(

    J and I have been “celebrating” Valentine’s Day for either two or three years now (the first 5 years or so we didn’t really even acknowledge it) with a nice dinner and a step up on the price range for a bottle of wine. We’ve never bought gifts or exchanged cards or sent flowers or chocolate or anything else that “defines” this day in modern society. But he absolutely without a doubt cares very, very much for my feelings. This day just isn’t “him”…he cares for me, loves me and shows me that every single day of my life. He simply doesn’t go overboard or do something different than that on Feb 14th every year.

    This year, he isn’t even in the same city as me. We won’t be celebrating it when he comes home. We’ll skip it this year. It’s all good. I wish he could be here to have dinner with me and my heart feels a little sad that I’m spending the evening alone, BUT…I KNOW he loves me and I don’t expect that he should have made arrangements before he left to get me something on this day. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how he feels about me.

    I do believe that no matter how a man chooses to celebrate Valentine’s Day (or not celebrate it)…it has NOTHING AT ALL to do with where their hearts are at. It isn’t even fair that the retail industry gets to put pressure on a man to make him feel like he HAS to make today special.

    Sorry…I just want you to know that this is okay. It may make you feel a little sad or lonely but no matter what happens today, it is not an indication that he doesn’t care about your feelings. How he treats you every other day is a much, much better indication of how much he cares about your feelings.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 9:00am

  665. 665: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    @Mercedes – Thank you for your words. I am with you that the actual day doesnt mean much, but for example, if he gave me a card and inside it said “good for one dinner at the melting pot restaurant next weekend” I would be TOTALLY fine with that.

    I guess that on all the other days I do feel like he loves me, but he knows that I would love something today – even if it were little, or just some acknowledgement, etc. something. He knows that would make me happy. He knows that.

    He probably hates the commercialization of it – but whatever – its nice for him to think of me and get me something nice on this day rigth?

    A bottle of wine and dinner would be awesome. A card would be awesome – whatever. Even just having lunch together – whatever. I just am upset that he didnt even adknowledge it.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 9:10am

  666. 666: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    THE BIG QUESTION IS: If he asks if I’m upset about something – do I tell him?

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 9:14am

  667. 667: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie, perhaps he was petrified mentioning it because he knew you had all these expectations and he was afraid of not being able to live up to them.
    Who knows?
    Perhaps he will still surprise you.
    Who knows?
    And yes, you can tell him how you feel about it, sure, but I would stay away from anything blamey and ‘should have-y’.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 9:22am

  668. 668: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie: I would recommend you answer authentically. “Valentine’s Day means a lot to me and I’m feeling sad and disappointed that it wasn’t acknowledged.”

    That is if you are absolutely certain that he’s not going to do anything the rest of the day or night. If it’s possible he’s still going to do something then maybe “sad and disappointed” aren’t the right words. Maybe “jealous of the other women here” or “anxious” or “confused”….whatever that feeling is to you. But yeah…if VD means a lot to you then I would certainly tell him. Because if it means a lot to you and it doesn’t to your man (in other words, if he’s like J is) then you will be disappointed year after year after year unless you tell him.

    I think most men know doing something on VD will make women happy. I think very, very few men realize that some women will absolutely freak out and feel crushed if that doesn’t happen. I really don’t think most guys know just how much this day means to many women out there. I think that may very well be the case with your man. He might “know” something would make you smile but he probably has no idea that you would feel this hurt if he skipped it.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 9:37am

  669. 669: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I discovered something so “weird” about myself, and I really “want” to change it.

    When I want people to like me I will really go over the top with them. I work really hard to engraciate myself with them.

    I instigate chit-chat and conversation but it really all comes from a nervous energy and thr fear that if I’m not overly enthusiastic they will see me as negative and form a low/negative opinion of me.

    This is all happening in the new pkace where I work. I feel like people are really uninterrsted in me so I am going out of my way to be overly friendly with them in a bid to get them to like me.

    They seem to be a massive clique and I am, for whatever reason, cold shouldered.

    And all I feel like I’m doing is trying to make them like me all the time but yet they still excluded me from day-to -day things and rarely answer me with gentlness and respect.

    I wouldn’t mind this as a one off, but it is all the time everyday. And yet wirh their “friends” they are totally different.

    I feel like I ambeing treated like a work experience – being told to sit in the corner and just given “pretend projects” to do.

    I wonder why they are treating me like this? I wonder what is going on??

    Also, I have found out that my two predecessors who left did not “fit in”. They keep telling me how they r struggling to find someone to fit in….

    Hmmm…..

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 9:40am

  670. 670: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I need to let go of my expectations…
    With people….

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 9:43am

  671. 671: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I am going to “attempt” to do something nice for myself….

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 10:47am

  672. 672: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – 625 – Is he showing you love and affection on all those other days of the year? He did lovely things for you on your birthday and for Christmas. And though I don’t like to get into the what if line of thinking, what if he doesn’t do anything or say anything? He’s showing you love in HIS way all the other days. Why can’t this be enough?

    Carrying all on this anxiety around this one day is an energy which can be felt, and this will feel like pressure, maybe more pressure than he may already be feeling. If he’s at all rebellious, he may resist this feeling. And your anxiety becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    When you can stay wide open and curious and loving to what is, magic happens. Even if all he does is blow you a kiss across the room, it will feel like one of the most special kisses ever because it’s from HIM, and he’s showing he cares for you in HIS way. Which may not look anything like what we’ve been told it “should” look like.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 11:04am

  673. 673: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    k2012 – 633 – Continue to be open; continue to be receptive; continue to allow, and I don’t mean with overseascd necessarily. I mean in with everyone.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 11:08am

  674. 674: ElsieNo Gravatar says:

    OK PLEASE HELP PLEASE.

    OK – so some of you know I was worried about getting a present today. Wow – that doesnt even matter anymore.

    I found out that she served him papers today….valentines day. They aren’t married but have a house and kids together – after 12 years. He was preparing for this, but was COMPLETELY BLINDSIDED that it would be now. He has been trying to talk about solutions with her and she never wanted to – now he knows why.

    OK – so he had me come over and told me about it – I was gobsmacked. Of course, he was like well, this is on valentines day – and I thought well, you didnt get me anything, but anyway – thats anotehr story.

    So – we were talking and he was SO MAD. I have never seen him so mad. So he was sort of snipping at me – even though he is NEVER like that.

    And we had a deal. I had boundaries. I said that no matter what I will never live with a man without being married. Thats my boundary. So I said to him, if he ever thinks he doesnt want to be married, or whatever, then he needs to tell me. We have been BRUTALLY honest with each other this last year – etc. He knew that was my boundary, and he said, well, marriage doesnt mean the same thing to me, but as long asyou know that – yes, I would marry you.

    So – we have been going along.

    So – anyway – today he is SO MAD about all of this and snipping at me – I’m the only one he can tell about all of this – so then I said something about that at least he wont have to divide any marital assets since they never got married….

    And he snipped at me – I’M NEVER GETTING MARRIED…EVER….and of course, I knew he was so upset and just snipping, and I’ve NEVER heard him say this before, so I said – well, she is just vindictive and so malicious….and he said – NO, i’m NEVER GETTING MARRIED.

    So…..my breath was taken away. I felt like oh my God, I didnt know what to do……Oh my God. We have talked about this – is this him just saying something because he is upset about the situation, or does he mean this – he has never said this before, and frankly if he feels this way I feel like he was lying to me…..which was our deal – we have NEVER lied ever about anything to each other.

    So then I had to go – so we didnt talk long after that. And then I called him later with the number of the attorney he needed and asked me to call him, and then he called me again to tell me something about it briefly – so both calls were short, and I said – well, it seems like you are more calm now, and he said yes, that he was just very upset and blindsided and just overwhelmed.

    OK – WHAT DO I DO NOW?

    Do I believe him? I cant very well have a talk with him about it now – his head is NOT in any kind of a place to be taking care of our realitonship. I know I need ot let him do his thiing now and step aside….but

    the REAL QUESTION IS: What do I do now. Do I act like he didnt say it? Do I lean back? Do I even be polite? Do I just start withdrawing? I dont know what to do? I’m SO UPSET ABOUT THIS…….I cant believe he said it…….He was so blindsided that maybe he was just saying that in the moment – but he KNEW what he was saying….when he said it – and he knew it would hurt me – HE KNEW IT WOULD HURT ME – ugh.

    Please help me – wow, I thought my stupid problems about a valentines gift earlier were big…..thats nothing now.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 2:32pm

  675. 675: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie: If you want to follow Rori’s advice it would most likely be “Have the ‘no girlfriend’ speech and start circular dating immediately.” My advice is exactly the same. Whether he meant it or not, he said it and I would believe him until he says he doesn’t mean it. If that’s not enough for you (and I can really tell that it isn’t) then you would, in my opinion, start taking care of getting what you DO want in a relationship and that would be dating men who DO want to get married.

    I also believe that he may not fully mean it when he says this (today was really probably not a good day to have this discussion considering he just had those papers delivered) but in my mind, HE would have to show ME that in order to convince me.

    And with regard to Valentine’s Day…I see (and could be wrong) that this holiday DOES mean something to him or he wouldn’t care at all that she chose Valentine’s Day to deliver papers. It would be no more upsetting than any other Thursday. The fact that the day does mean something to him and he didn’t address it with you and he knows your boundary and still said he never wants to get married coupled with the fact that he’s going through a LOT right now…tells me that he is not even close to being ready for someone like you and where you’re at…and I would DEFINITELY recommend circular dating and finding and man who IS. Whether that be this man or another, you will find out by circular dating…

    Most people are posting on the newest thread and I’m out of here very soon so you should be able to get lots of advice and words of encouragement there.

    In the meantime….big hug to you! It’s going to be a pretty emotional day for you and I hope you find peace in it and I hope tomorrow feels better.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 2:43pm

  676. 676: k2012No Gravatar says:

    601- Annie.”The wrong ones for us disappear when we lean back. Weed themselves out.” Ok. That’s how it goes Annie? Ok. I see. The guy before disappearing ex just stopped writing. Well disappearing ex faked everything for one year before disappearing. Overseas cd seems like he is on his way out as he is messaging less. If they disappear from the scene at the beginning stages BEFORE I get involved with them, I don’t have a problem. But don’t disappear on me after we are in a relationship. The least a decent guy who I am in a serious relationship can do is inform me that things are not working out and u want to end things instead of just disappearing without a word. Only cowards do that all the same, like that loser disappearing ex. Disappearing after u have slept with them and are emotionally connected with them as u know ladies is devastating. But in the earlier stages, when we haven’t reached anywhere, u can go ahead and disappear if u wish. Lol. Who cares. Ladies, I am cracking up here as I write this.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 2:58pm

  677. 677: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Elsie – I agree with much of what Mercedes said, yet I want to add another piece to this. Men will say things, and it’s not that they don’t mean it, they do, BUT he may only mean it in that moment.

    I have had this happen to me numerous times, and it wasn’t even at a time when K was upset. He meant what he said in that moment, and some of these things sent me reeling emotionally.

    I learned two things though – Men change their minds, as readily we can.

    And men can say things in their language, a male way of expression, which can sometimes not sit well with us because it may sound blunt or would not be words we would use. In other words not meant as we took it.

    In this case though it’s true he has a lot going on and may not be in a great place for having a relationship, I don’t think he meant those words as a forever thing. He’s upset. And rightfully so.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 3:38pm

  678. 678: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “but he does go on and on..and people often will ‘check out’ as he does not have fine sensors for when they are trying to suppress yawns.” Tam I am cracking up.

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 5:14pm

  679. 679: Memulo says:

    Annie, thank you, I know that if they disappear they’re ‘wrong for us’ lol. Or perhaps we are wrong for them!

    I’m at dinner with my cd and he liked his gift (version 1) and HR wrote me a card saying that he feels like settling with me and very happy to have met me. Makes me feel like s-t

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 7:20pm

  680. 680: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly #255 –

    I hope you know that I did not mean to make you feel sad or humiliated, or even crying about what you wrote. Honestly, I don’t know what you wrote to him. I only responded to what you described, and I meant to keep it light. It was like an affectionate laugh of “oh, honey, I’ve been there.” I have SO been there. I’m in guys’ heads all the time, and it’s hard to get out. I’m responding to things they haven’t even said yet, never mind thought, because it’s all conjecture. I’m like that, and I was probably just laughing at myself for it – not even you at all. You reminded me of me. Thank for being a mirror.

    As for your situation, I can see that you feel a lot of pain and frustration around this. And I hope that it gets resolved for you and that you find some peace (or already have). Trust me, I am not judging you at all, though I do realize that what I wrote could have come across as sounding more harsh, when in fact, that wasn’t where it was coming from at all.

    I hope you are not judging yourself either. You’re just fine the way you are.

    Please keep writing!

    xox

    Thursday, 14 February 2013 @ 9:22pm

  681. 681: stephanieNo Gravatar says:

    Send me information on you Goddess. Health and healing

    Monday, 4 March 2013 @ 11:14am

  682. 682: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Stephanie, I deleted your last name for your privacy. Go to http://www.sexandheart.com for Dominique’s great program! Love, Rori

    Monday, 4 March 2013 @ 5:03pm

  683. 683: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Stephanie – Also clicking on any of the links found embedded in the titles within the post will take you to a more detailed description of my program. Feel free to email with any questions.

    xxoo

    Monday, 4 March 2013 @ 5:29pm

  684. 684: SuzieQNo Gravatar says:

    Can you please give some information/advice about a being in a relationship/marriage with a narcissistic person? Other issues being dealt with are pornography, verbal abuse, immaturity, always blaming the other person, passive-aggressiveness,manipulative use of affection to avoid counseling/ending the marriage.

    Friday, 15 March 2013 @ 12:27pm

  685. 685: SuzieQNo Gravatar says:

    There is a very kind, sweet side to this person. Unfortunately, the narcissist lurks beneath.

    Friday, 15 March 2013 @ 12:33pm

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