The Law Of Attraction Doesn’t Work This Way

The Law Of Attraction Doesn’t Work This Way – You Did Nothing WRONG!!!

Here’s an amazing letter from Amelia, and a super difficult, scary and unpleasant situation.

This post’s about the way we choose to “see things,” and how we so often try to find someone or something to blame just to help us make SENSE of something senseless, and how we usually end up blaming ourselves – especially when we feel scared about pushing a man away by doing something “wrong.”

Amelia’s man is “Bob…”:

“Hi Rori, here in Peru, I wish I could say its been great but it hasn’t, I went out with this guy so I could do the circular dating and stop waiting on Bob . We had lunch and after we took a cab to go home and we were assaulted by 3 men it was absolutely terrifying…you have no idea all the things that went through my head about what they could do to us…they had us in the car for 2 hours until they were able to get money out of my friends bank account and then they left us in the middle of nowhere …

I prayed the whole time that god would keep us safe and thank goodness we made it back home I wonder if I felt so guilty about going out with someone else and I was punished or what but I am really scared now …

I wish it had been an easier and better more rewarding experience to do something that was intended to be good for me and my self esteem…it wasn’t I will pray that my higher power helps me in some way and hope he/she hears me

Amelia”

My Answer:

Amelia – all I can say is that your “guilt” is non-existant in reality and is just a feeling you created to try to make sense out of the attack.

I was attacked once (not such a great ending) – and I’ve been trained as a survivor counselor – and this is what we ALL do under these circumstances (even and especially as CHILDREN, which is why children are so damaged in divorce and trauma – they BLAME THEMSELVES in order to feel they have some control):

We try to take responsibility and ownership of a situation in which we have no control.

That’s what you’re doing.

You figure, in some deep, subconscious way, that if YOU take the BLAME – then you could have prevented it!!!

And then you try to live your life carefully and buy-the-book to prevent it from happening in the future.

This is not TRUE!!!

In fact – your presence of mind and good thinking kept you SAFE!!!!!

Dwell on THAT!!!!

If anything, this happened so you could know that you can keep your mind clear and in the right place no matter WHAT’S going on.

Having lunch with this man was the RIGHT thing to do!

You did nothing wrong and EVERYTHING RIGHT!!!

Can you get your mind around that?

This is standard trauma stuff – and you need trauma work more than ever – and just know what I’m saying here is the truth. You can read books if you like.

It isn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong. You did everything right – AND you saved yourself!!!!

If your mind tries to use the “Law of Attraction” on this – like you attracted something bad – you have to counter that with –I attracted a learning experience, and, look how great I was able to experience the way it turned out!

NOW my job is to be GRATEFUL to myself for handling myself so well…

Love, Rori

From Amelia:

“Thank you, I think u r right…I feel that if in someway I am responsible then I can fix it or do something to prevent it, I do this with men too…A LOT ….if I can take the responsibility Then I can apologize be sweet and it will all be better at least for a while…

Thank you for the insight, I am doing work with Emily Van Horn, the trauma practitioner in your interview I received a week before my trip…
Sending you love, Amelia”
***

From Rori:

Brava to working with Emily!!!

And – when you work with my Tools – remember that the point is to use them to be more YOU, and more authentic and at peace with yourself – there is no such thing in my work as getting it RIGHT!!! (Although I use that word).

The man does what he wants.

You just be the real you, so he can see and feel you.

And you do the best you can to work at not pushing a good man away (and allow yourself to push away a man who is not serving you) – in other words you are NOT in charge of how the relationship goes.

You can’t “fix” – and you don’t want to even try to fix – anything around love.

Love, Rori
***

From Amelia:

Wow not trying to fix is a huge new concept for me….in a way is very freeing….

****

From Me:

This is the cornerstone of all trauma therapy.

It’s the challenge of accepting that something happened that you had no control over.

We SO want to have control over everything that we like the “Law Of Attraction” because we can imagine it gives us CHARGE over what we bring to ourselves.

But it just doesn’t work that way!

Being ourselves, who we are, and living our lives as WE live them has NOTHING to do with control.

It has everything to do with surrender.

And – most important – with acceptance.

I call this “Radical Accepting.”

You accept without judgment everyone and everything that happens, no matter what.

Doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings about everything – even violent, intense, unpleasant ones…but instead of allowing that to guide you and spin you down the rabbit hole of judgment, fear, shame, guilt, depression…you just say to yourself:

That happened.

And accept that it happened. Regardless of “how.”

I know this is tricky. Essentially – this is the foundation of any “spiritual journey…” and I love being able to talk about it here…

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

745 Comments to “The Law Of Attraction Doesn’t Work This Way – You Did Nothing WRONG!!!”

1: Starla says:

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:56am
2: Femininewoman says:

LOA

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:07am
3: Femininewoman says:

“Amelia – all I can say is that your “guilt” is non-existant”

“in reality and is just a feeling you created”

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:09am
4: Iamabutterfly says:

this feels healing and beautiful. Thanks, Rori!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:11am
5: Femininewoman says:

” you are NOT in charge of how the relationship goes.”

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:11am
6: Iamabutterfly says:

I remember being at a really good place in my life, having a wonderful man pursuing me, and running away from it, and punishing him for MY running away because I felt like I somehow deserved rejection at my core, because that’s what I felt at my core…rejection. feels so sad looking back. but I can (and am!) healing.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:15am
7: April Rose says:

“You accept without judgment everyone and everything that happens, no matter what.”

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:15am
8: Iamabutterfly says:

this post is kind of what LK and me were talking about. that girl has some wisdom. Love you, LK!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:24am
9: Sallythatgirl says:

Hi ladies, I am behind on the threads. Rori is a fast lady! Thanks to everyone who responded to me two threads ago. I felt a warm light in all the receiving!
Things came to a head with my cd. I felt so vulnerable. I felt so clear. I basically said what Love Always said about no casual sex. And that I wanted to see what could develop. He replied he wants to be friends. He really thinks I am ‘sweet’ and that is why he has to be honest with me…I had sent him the message, I need to be honest.’
So he just sent his reply this morning.
” Sorry I fell asleep last night. I think you are a very sweet person and for that reason I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I think that we should just be friends. I have a lot of stress and pressure on me right now and I need to stay focused on this.”
I feel sad. I feel I do understand on some level. He is opening a business in downtown…it would feel scary. ((Ray))). But I don’t want to be friends! I want to be mean! I don’t want to see him! (I have to pass him and his cafe on my way to and from my studio several times a day…feels yuck!). And I am friends with him….I am friends with his brother too.
I feel lost and teary

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:24am
10: Sallythatgirl says:

Hi ladies, I am behind on the threads. Rori is a fast lady! Thanks to everyone who responded to me two threads ago. I felt a warm light in all the receiving!
Things came to a head with my cd. I felt so vulnerable. I felt so clear. I basically said what Love Always said about no casual sex. And that I wanted to see what could develop. He replied he wants to be friends. He really thinks I am ‘sweet’ and that is why he has to be honest with me…I had sent him the message, I need to be honest.’
So he just sent his reply this morning.
” Sorry I fell asleep last night. I think you are a very sweet person and for that reason I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I think that we should just be friends. I have a lot of stress and pressure on me right now and I need to stay focused on this.”
I feel sad. I feel I do understand on some level. He is opening a business in downtown…it would feel scary. ((Ray))). But I don’t want to be friends! I want to be mean! I don’t want to see him! (I have to pass him and his cafe on my way to and from my studio several times a day…feels yuck!). And I am friends with him….I am friends with his brother too.
I feel lost and teary eyed. I feel a pain behind my eyes red hot fire.
Please help me ladies with a script. I feel like I would like to acknowledge his stress but tell him to take his friendship and shove it up his azz! I feel hurt, I feel empathy. I want to say something like handle your stress but in the meantime I am not really wanting to be buddies. Maybe someday. (((me)))
I feel happy though I let myself be vulnerable with a man. Good job Sally!!! Sorry for the muddled mess of streaming thought. I feel muddled. Thanks in advance for your help. Sorry also my own problems are all I am focusing on.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:32am
11: Sallythatgirl says:

I guess I just accept it…maybe my answer is just that…

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:39am
12: Lucy says:

Wow, interesting post and synchronicity! – I had a dream last night that I went into the wrong building (old, abandoned) and there was a repulsive man there who grabbed me and planned to rape me. He started to punch me in the stomach and I felt afraid of pain, so I told him I would do what he wanted me to. I felt sad and scared and hoped he wouldn’t kill me. Also mad at myself for accidentally going into the wrong bldg. Judged myself as careless. Woke up before it got worse, thankfully.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:44am
13: Iamabutterfly says:

((((Sallythatgirl)))) – I think I know how you feel, and it feels soooo icky! I would try something like,

“I appreciate your honesty, but I feel kind of angry. It doesn’t feel good to see you around as just a friend, and I am not interested in being friends, so some space would feel good. Thank you for respecting my wishes.”

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:44am
14: Iamabutterfly says:

@10 Sallythatgirl – “Sorry also my own problems are all I am focusing on.”

No need to apologize for asking for help and healing yourself! It’s a GOOD THING! Go you!

Other Sirens help Sirens when they WANT to, and feel like they have something to offer.

I know how you feel, though. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to focus on myself. But remember, focusing on ourselves helps us heal ourselves, and then, and only then, can we truly help others!

I feel very warm towards you, Sallythatgirl!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:48am
15: Sallythatgirl says:

(((I am a butterfly)))) thank you…that feels wonderful.
I was thinking….this:
Thank you for your honesty. Sending good energy to your stress and pressure. I wouldn’t feel authentic to myself if I accepted friendship. I will see you in passing but more than that would feel bad.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:55am
16: Radlove says:

Good morning and good day, Siren Island!

I feel happy and proud of myself after taking care of me and my fur babies by grocery shopping! It was a workout in itself and I feel really good about how efficiently I shopped and put everything away!

It is a beautiful day, and I am romancing life! I want to make every activity beautiful and pleasurable, instead of mundane and dreadful!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:56am
17: Starla says:

I am enjoying a little treat of working at home in bed this morning:) At least until I have to head into the office a little later.

Brandylion, I saw your post in the other thread about mornings. ((((((((((Brandylion))))))))))))

And, well, I was thinking you dodged a bullet with PriestCD. I know you are very into him and want him to want you, but seriously, he is so religious he’s considering becoming a priest. WTF? Yikes. Thank the universe for making it impossible for you to be with that very poor match for you, even though your attraction to him was strong enough to make you overlook that fact.

My mornings are rough re: CF too. I go to bed feeling so peaceful and accepting and wake up and have to go through a whole day of processing and acceptance to get back to that peaceful place. Every day.

Sometimes I wish he would just email me or text me and say ‘Hey I know you tried to talk to me a few times but I wanted to let you know I will probably just never speak to you again.’ Instead I feel like I’m on the hook still because I can feel our energy is still connected and that he will be back – I just don’t know when.

The good news is it IS getting a lot easier. Time is a great healer. I feel excited about July 4th weekend and spending it with my best friend and her family at the lake fishing, just enjoying the present moment and not even thinking about CF. I am looking forward to sitting by the lake and contemplating how lovely and self-focused my life is, and showing off my new body to my best friend’s mom who has known me since before puberty.
((((((((((((((((time)))))))))))))))))))))

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:59am
18: Sallythatgirl says:

Radlove you deserve so much. I feel brightened by your life changes and struggles. You are inspiring. I started reading the blog in January and I always felt sad for you. I feel happy you are putting yourself first and self loving. I don’t want to offer any unasked for advice but I am 35 and instruct exercise. I lost 90 lbs over 3 years, if you need any support I am always willing to help anyone on their journey to health and emotional freedom from food. (((((Radlove)))))) congrats!!!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:01am
19: Radlove says:

Sallythatgirl,

10 – I would say, “I feel disappointed to hear you only want a friendship. I’m sorry, but I feel romantic feelings for you, and I feel bad with just a friendship. I don’t want to pressure you. I am here if you ever decide you want to pursue this further, and I wish you the best!”

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:27am
20: Starla says:

Honestly, about that guy saying it’s better to just be friends, I wouldn’t say anything back to him (unless he asked you a question about it). You don’t have to tell him about the ‘no friends’ boundary to live it. You just turn down his ‘friendly’ invitations when the time comes. And you treat him like every other human being when you see him out and about.

I think this can be very simple and clean. No need for the last word or closure or to ‘state’ boundaries where stating them is not really needed. I would just shrug my shoulders and move away from him and that conversation and not worry about it, if you know what I mean?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:32am
21: Radlove says:

Sallythatgirl,

18 – Awww, thank you so much! I feel so encouraged! Sure, I would probably feel more comfortable talking about weight loss privately, if you are ok with that. I am at brendaearthlink@yahoo.com. If not, I will talk about it here. I like a little input, but I feel uncomfortable at times when I have a barrage of advice.

I, too, lost 90 lbs in the late 80s, over three years! I was wearing a size 12, and I looked like a model! I know exactly HOW to lose the weight, but for me it is almost purely an emotional struggle.

If I related times of relational and/or financial stress in my life, you would see weight gains at those same times.

I feel more and more emotionally stable, much thanks to Rori and the Sirens!!! So right now I am in an upswing, and I just had a good week of eating! I just loaded up on fruits and vegetables, and I have some Nutrisystem meals I got free off craigslist! They are high in sodium, tho, so I am going to limit myself to one or two of them a day.

I far prefer Medifast, and I think it is far higher quality, formulated by MDs. I haven’t been able to afford it. When I get back to work, I am really excited about getting it again! I felt fantastic and lost rapidly when I was on it!

Yes, I am feeling so much better as a whole! And I KNOW it is better for me to not have R in my life. I feel unsure of my strength, tho, if and when he contacts me again. My boy energy tells me I should say no contact, because it always ends in pain. But my girl energy misses him soooo bad!

No R = emotionally stable and happy

R + B = emotionally topsy turvy and overeating to cope with pain

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:36am
22: Francesca says:

“You accept without judgment everyone and everything that happens, no matter what.”

I think this is the hardest thing for me to do constantly and on a daily basis.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:37am
23: Radlove says:

Sallythatgirl,

10 revisited – I just looked up my notes from Rori, from when I was in her Love Forever Teleclass. Here is what I wrote (what Rori said):

He has encouraged her to date other people, although they were intimate in the past. Connection with him is making you yearn, and he does not want what you want. He cannot be right for you if he is not trying to tear off your clothes. That has got to happen first. He has got to want to. He has got to want to be around you. Very basic, guttural, male animal stuff. That is not happening, He just wants friendship. It will eat up your spirit. Say no to this whole relationship.

Man: Will you help me?
Sarah: I feel completely confused, and no, I don’t feel good about helping you right now.

Man: Oh, but what’s wrong?

Sarah: I could say I’m really busy, but that wouldn’t feel like the truth.

Man: I don’t understand what you’re saying to me.

Sarah: I have strong feelings for you, way above and beyond friendship. So I it would feel best to stay out of contact a little bit.

Staying in contact is not serving you. Mental energy expended is keeping you from your true love. He’s not going to leave the planet. This is addictive behavior here. When you have the hots for someone and your oxytocin is kicking it, you are addicted to him.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:41am
24: Starla says:

Francesca 22

seriously, especially because most of us have built entire identities on a foundation of their judgments.

who would i be without judgments?

what would my political beliefs look like? what would my musical tastes look like? what would my relational style look like? all these things are actually defined by my judgments of what is bad.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:42am
25: Radlove says:

23 – THIS is what I want to have the strength to say to R next time he contacts me, what I should have said a looooong time ago.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:43am
26: Radlove says:

I find what works best with a man is when I just say a sentence or two at a time, not a whole paragraph or a monologue.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:44am
27: Sallythatgirl says:

Starla, thank you…he did not ask any questions;). What about that we all hang out every day or 2? Do I say anything to his brother, he’s gay, so our relationship is platonic and nice. I feel sad to lose them as friends. But not enough to not love me and friendship fake in hopes of something more.
About CF..I feel the end had a lot more to do with him than anything you did. Your healing process is awesome and shows how healing is not linear…no closure..curses!!!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:47am
28: Radlove says:

Francesca,

22 – I have been thinking a lot about judgments. It stared me in the face at the checkout line! I had my cart full of fruits and vegetables, along with stuff I consider to be healthy, like agave nectar (for coffee), honey (for iced tea), black olives (for salads, which have healthy fat – Mono Unsaturated Fatty Acids), and sugar free gum. The ONE thing I bought for a treat, when I crave sugar, was microwave popcorn.

I chatted with the cashier, telling her I am trying to lose weight. Instead of feeling encouraged, I felt discouraged when she said, “Oh, you shouldn’t have the popcorn! You’re defeating the purpose with that!”

Ok, granted, it is true. But I feel annoyed when I do good, good, good, good, good, like 99 times out of 100, and I am told only about the ONE time I do not-so-good.

I wanted to yell, “Well at least I didn’t buy three packages of candy bars, two half gallons of ice cream, and a dozen of donuts!”

But more and more I am feeling compassion even when I feel judged, knowing that people are only repeating the patterns they themselves have heard all their lives.

I choose self-affirmation, and when I do that, I feel quick more and more to affirm others! We all need encouragement!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:49am
29: Francesca says:

Starla, I believe our judgments are also influenced by what other people do and say but yes, I tend to focus on what I consider “bad”.

I want to stop that.

I want to stop judging what some people say here.

I want to stop thinking that what I think should be what other people think.

I want to stop thinking that some of the things they think is wrong.

Otherwise, everybody would have the right to tell me what I think is wrong as well.

And I don’t want that.

But frankly, my issue rests mostly with people’s sometimes questionable actions.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:50am
30: Radlove says:

Ok, beautiful ladies!

Back to errand running for me…I’ve had more than enough time for my break, basking in the gentle waves of Siren Island!

Time to get my new phone!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:52am
31: Starla says:

Eep I feel really not okay about something. I told my guy friend (long distance friend) that I needed to take a step back from our friendship. It was feeling very unhealthy and draining for me. he said he understood and asked if it was okay if he sent me interesting articles and recipes from time to time. I said sure. But now he’s emailing me more than ever! Like 15-20 times a day!!!!!!, and not just articles/recipes. He’s sending pictures of himself and youtube videos and letters about what a great friend he thinks I am. It’s so constant that I’m at the point where I’ve filtered his messages to automatically go into a folder I don’t have to see.

I said I needed to take a step back and he’s emailing me more than ever!

I don’t appreciate this and I don’t want to be in a friendship like this.

And it scares me that you can automatically delete any specified person’s emails in gmail and you’d never even know they contacted you. I hope CF didn’t do this to me:( triggerrrrrr

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:53am
32: Brandylion says:

FW, thank you for sending me here!

“You just be the real you, so he can see and feel you.”

My best friend said something really germane to this last night: PriestCD never really saw me, and it wasn’t anything I did wrong.

She told me about a book called The Courage To Be, and explained that the author’s thesis, basically, is accept that you are accepted. And then she said that if I can accept that one person accepts me totally and unconditionally–her–can I work on accepting that I am, in fact, accepted by all?

I feel intrigued to read this book, but I feel wary because it was written by a theologian. God-stuff is not my cup of tea…maybe that’s all the more reason to read it?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:54am
33: Lilibee says:

This article reminds me of something Rori says in her “Toxic Relationships” program:

“If you beat yourself up, you will bring in a man that will ‘beat’ you up.”

It’s been so true for me in the past.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:59am
34: Emoticon says:

Starla, congrats on being number 1 2day

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:00am
35: Francesca says:

Radlove, I totally understand what you mean.

It’s kind of like when you make a mistake at work, you’re sure to get cr*p for it.

Yet, if you achieve something great, you barely hear about it.

I’d rather be encouraged for what I’m doing right as opposed to what I’m doing wrong.

I don’t mind being critizised in a constructive way at all, I crave it, actually.

But I tend to feel so low and depressed after I get negative criticism.

I want to heal that and be able to tell myself that I am enough.

I can’t be like everybody else, I am me.

So I’m moving along at my pace by seeking the best paths for me to use.

I need outside help and assistance (like this blog) but I mostly work my issues out by myself.

No one can change that.

Congratulations on your new “diet” and feel free to eat the popcorn; don’t even think about feeling guilty about it!

As long as it’s something you indulge in on weekly or biweekly basis, it’s all fine.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:00am
36: Starla says:

Sally, I would just respond to his brother’s invitations by asking if it’s okay if just the two of you hang out for a while, and when would be a good time to get together next.

From where I sit, this could all be very simple and easy:)

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:01am
37: Brandylion says:

Starla, you are right that I dodged a bullet with a man who has many good qualities but is not good for me.

I say that I want to be fully over him and moved on and for this pain to stop, but what I’m confronting today is the idea that maybe the part of me that thinks I don’t deserve to be loved is actually relishing the punishment of the yucky things I’m feeling by not being as done with him as he is with me.

Then, how do I flip that? Telling myself and hearing it from countless others that I deserve better hasn’t been working.

Blech. Thinking this doesn’t feel good. I can’t feel its truth or falseness right now.

Hmmm, I’m thinking I don’t fully get this good self-care stuff. I’m still living my life and doing what I want and the things that I enjoy, but I’m not feeling much of an upward shift in my vibe.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:05am
38: Emoticon says:

Im sick….. again. I wanna get those quail eggs and anything else that could boost my immune system cuz i dont wanna be falling sick twice in one month like this

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:10am
39: Emoticon says:

blehhh

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:17am
40: Starla says:

Brandylion, I don’t like the idea of ‘deserving better’ because it creates a bad guys vs. good guys scenario, where he’s the bad guy and you’re the good guy. And if you’re struggling with worthiness issues, broadly painting yourself into the good guy role is too polarized and a total farce for it to be effective in helping you move on.

Ask yourself what you can mix into your life or remove from your life to better care for yourself. Any ideas?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:28am
41: sunshine says:

i feel bad because im being judgemental. guy i dated yesterday so sweet and kind but a shorty!!! sigh im being suprficial but i like to feel protected w a manly man and hes just a shorty boooo ill go out w him aain though

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:38am
42: Starla says:

Brandylion, or maybe some therapy would be helpful? It’s been very helpful for me.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:39am
43: April Rose says:

Sunshine,

My favourite man is tiny compared to me (a good four or five inches shorter).
I love being feminine in his company. I love bringing out his masculine side.

I find he has a sexy bit of attitude, and I intuit it as coming from his awareness of his height.
Sweet and kind on its own wouldn’t do it for me.

Did your date have any kind of attitude? Was he self-confident in any way?
It’s confidence in a man that turns me on. What does it for you?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:47am
44: Rebecca says:

I was having some thoughts about men.. And comparing a relationship to a friendship – and basically what you would accept in a relationship BUT not in a friendship. Ie:

If a friend didn’t call when they said they would
If a friend let you down at the last minute
If a friend teased you or made you feel bad about yourself
If a friend only saw you sporadically and always on their terms
If a friend showed little interest in youe life or your feelings
If a friend didn’t offer you advice and support when needed
If a friend didn’t pick up when you were worried about something but unable to say
If a friend made you feel bad about yourself or embarrased you in company
If a friend put down your achievements and overly focused on your failings

Then would you want or allow this friend in your life? No? Then why accept it from a man/boyfriend or anyone else for that matter…

Just my own meanderings for the day!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:25am
45: Daria says:

I’m experiencing nausea. I was experiencing headache and now I’m swallowing it eating it like in the charu article E

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:27am
46: Rebecca says:

Sorry! My last post was for the old thread!

This article is amazing! And so inspiring! I soooo want to change…

Radlove – I have been reading the blog since last year. You have come on leaps and bounds my dear – and you serve as my inspiration!!! You rock!!!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:29am
47: Sallythatgirl says:

Emoticon, are you sleeping well? Are you moving your body? These two things for me are the biggest factors in wellness.

Starla, I felt my way through this and feel I only wanted to respond to have the last word…and pretty much say, Bish now you get to suffer seeing me everyday smiling and walking by but I will never give you the time of day because I am so busy strategizing and thinking about you! No closure, the 3 rd way….first time ever I fbelieve for myself. I saw him just now but I was on the other side of the street so I just kept on walking, yeah me. I am a man magnet. I didn’t really know him all that well anyway. I still feel sad but I feel strong as well.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:31am
48: Rebecca says:

(((((sallythatgirl)))))) I am going through something soooo simillar…. Hugs to you

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:34am
49: April Rose says:

((Daria))

Are you home now?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 11:05am
50: Brandylion says:

Starla, #40: I hear your point about “better”.

All I really meant is that I deserve a man who is wild about me and feels thrilled to spend time with me and therefore treats me in a way that shows it. And I meant I deserve someone who is a better match for me.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 11:17am
51: Daria says:

April Rose – thank you . Yes I’m home

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 11:18am
52: Sallythatgirl says:

Thanks Rebecca, your story feels sad too. I choose to believe that so little of this is about me…what is that quote that Rori says, “you can’t say the wrong thing with the right guy.” this blog is about acceptance…it feels so much easier to just let it go than process what I could have done or should have done.
I chose relationship. I said this a few times to myself this am and felt clear in my heart..head is catching up slowly, I have a super man head which likes to think, analyse, and go over everything. But my heart feels, herein lies my feminine energy..it is pink and squishy (((Daria))) and open…it feels stronger and safer than my fake control stuff…(((((Rebecca)))))

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 11:19am
53: Starla says:

Brandylion, sorry if I made you feel misunderstood!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 11:32am
54: Starla says:

wow, my friend is sending me more emails still. i feel really suffocated.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 11:41am
55: Brandylion says:

I feel so much better now after reading this. The whole “I did nothing wrong. I couldn’t have changed anything.” is sinking in.

I feel okay right now about the idea of meeting him for lunch. But I’m a girl, and I can change my mind at any time.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 11:49am
56: Starla says:

I did plenty wrong and I could have changed things

but it obviously wasn’t good timing for us. How else would I have transformed locked into that context and those triggers with him?

blah

BLAH!!!!!!!

I’m excited to go with my best friend for pedicures tonight. She rarely wants to go but asked me this time because she has an event on Saturday and open toed shoes.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 11:59am
57: Sallythatgirl says:

Starla could you send him an email stating your feelings again? I feel he is trying to make up to you but it feels like this is not what you want at this time. Thanks for making my situation so clear and easy peasy…(((Starla)))

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:01pm
58: Daria says:

speaking of detox, im getting extra thrush even on the corner of my mouth now

mmm i feel concerned…

i dont want to get confused between worsening symptoms due to detox and actual worsening of thrush

i will be ok tho anyway

even if i use anti thrush oil i inted it to be helpful for my healing and detox

this is actually great

youre healing Daria! yay

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:03pm
59: sunshine says:

April Rose,
thanks for sharing your about your shorty sexy guy…ok so this guy had nice eyes and a smile he has a warmth to him in his facial expressions it was comforting…hes a teacher and aspiring counselor so yeah he is very comfortable to be around. well, hes genuine so that shows confidence bc how can you be genuine if your not? however, this morning he texted me that he had a great time would like to do it again however if I didnt want to that was ok with him…um I felt angry and a little uncomfortable and then I saw him differently in my head I thought about his shortness too…it was a turn off you could say. In general I agree confidence is key, I also like exciting men even in conversation some debate, new ideas to the table and something interesting or unique is also attractive. I agree a little attitude regardless of the height is attractive and well he didnt seem to be that way if anything always agreeing to what I said hmmm I felt perhaps too hard to agree at times also, he texts a lot! four so far today I dont know neediness is not cool Im confused I want so badly to break away from toxic men but this nice guy might be too nice? confused

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:18pm
60: Starla says:

Sally, what do you mean you feel he is trying to make up? He hasn’t spoken to me since he emailed me to break up. I’ve tried to contact him a few times since then but no response. Just the email and then POOF.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:19pm
61: Starla says:

OHHH SALLY, you’re talking about my friend who keeps emailing me!

gosh i feel dumb. i am SO PREOCCUPIED with CF that I thought you were speaking about him.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:23pm
62: Starla says:

wow he emailed me again about how he is recovering from his surgery.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:29pm
63: Brandylion says:

Oh, Starla, I’m not saying I couldn’t have done some things differently. I’m just saying I did what felt right in that moment, and things just didn’t work out in the long run. It is, and I feel closer to full acceptance!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:34pm
64: Starla says:

Brandylion, I’m sorry again:), I didn’t mean that for you. I was just really thinking about myself when I said I could have done things differently. Then I started saying Blah. BLAH!!!!!!! to this whole mess of my love life. Hehe.
((((((((both of us)))))))))

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:39pm
65: Turquoise says:

Hi sirens, hoping to catch up with everyone soon… Things have been crazy busy lately. I have a new cd, not named yet, but meeting him for happy hour later. He works right down the street from me! Will be quite a change for me to date someone local. I have 3 other new ones I’m excited about…. Coach seems great, we have a lot in common but he lives an hr away, navy guy is hotttt hoping to meet him soon, he’s fairly close…. Then repeater guy I’ve talked to a couple times before but never met…. Our kids go to the same school! So, if I can make enough child care arrangements, will be a fun weekend!!!

I still wish things could work out with C, but he knows how I feel and what I want. Nothing to do but lean back and enjoy my life. So that’s what I’m doing.
Really happy the universe is sending handsome, interesting CD’s though to distract me from my yearning. it helps!!!!

Two incredibly handsome men wrote to me this week, but their foot fetishes came out pretty quickly, and I have no interest in decaying about feet!!!!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:44pm
66: Turquoise says:

Oh geez…. Auto correct, sexting about feet, not decaying!!!!! Lol

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:45pm
67: T-Girl says:

Lol, gotta love autocorrect!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:50pm
68: Starla says:

Turquoise, that’s so funny. With your awesome shoe style, you’re probably a foot fetishist’s dream:P

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:53pm
69: Brandylion says:

Starla, I realized that, and I realized after I posted that you might think I thought you were talking directly to me.

I agree: Blah! to this mess, and ((((both of us))))

A friend pointed out that I can even wait until the moment we meet next week to see how it feels, and if it feels yucky right then and there I can leave. I feel more powerful–I *do* have a choice, and I don’t have to decide now. I did what felt good by asking him to lunch, and I will do what feels good then!

(Also, I feel good–and maybe smug? eww–that everyone who was aware of the breakup with whom I’ve shared this new girlfriend news has expressed extreme surprise. I feel validated, I guess, for having had a strong reaction myself.)

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 12:56pm
70: Starla says:

Brandylion, I must admit I feel jealous that your ex will even contact you, lol i’m feeling like a pity case today
awww i pity me hehe

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 1:15pm
71: Brandylion says:

((((Starla)))) I have not forgotten how awful it felt when I felt uncertain he was ever going to contact me again. It sounds like you and CF had a more connected relationship than we did though, as I was actively figuring out how he could fit into my life and he was not really doing the same for me. I re-started reading the blog, but not regularly, right before he poofed on you, so I may be misremembering things you wrote in mid-March…

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 1:22pm
72: Brandylion says:

I just realized I didn’t finish my thought–if the relationship itself was more intense, then more distance and time may be needed.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 1:30pm
73: Starla says:

oops I looked at CF’s facebook page. he hasn’t updated that thing since last year.

omg where is heeeeeeee this is still driving me freaking crazy

thanks for letting me vent here, ladies.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 1:40pm
74: Femininewoman says:

Unless it’s something totally heinous, there isn’t much another person can say or do to affect you negatively unless you allow it, or rather unless you are seeing, hearing, feeling things, and thus reacting through the filters of your triggers.

I am NOT suggesting stuffing your feelings or avoiding having disagreements. I AM saying that arguing is not needed. It puts everyone on the defensive, and no one feels good. Little if anything gets solved satisfactorily.

http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/can-fighting-turn-into-great-sex/

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 1:54pm
75: Femininewoman says:

We women on the other hand, most of us anyway, love, love, love the texts, e-mails, little notes, etc. We feel almost cast aside if we don’t get this.

UNLESS you can shift your thinking and your energy around this.

Some may suggest having a talk with your man, letting him know that you prefer more frequent contact, that you feel better when you have this sort of connection. I’m NOT going to tell you not to try this if it really, really weighs heavily on you.

I WILL encourage you to try something else first though. Some men may respond to a talk, but many men will feel pressured. Or he may comply for awhile, but his original habits will likely return.

I suggest trying this instead of a talk, instead of fretting and wishing for something you don’t have. Try focusing on what you DO have.

Remember the pasting the fantasy exercise? This is an excellent time to employ it. This is where you are imagining everything just as you want it, everything down to the smallest detail. His gaze, his touch, the things he does for you to show he cares, and this might include more frequent contact if you want to put this into your fantasy.

Now try tuning into your man’s energy. Really sink into it. Feel him thinking about you, loving on you. Feel it as if it is. It is really, for he is thinking about you and loving on you. Connect to him in this way. In HIS way. And make this feel very, very real to you.

Now see if you can’t allow this to be enough.

With love, Dominique

http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/relationship-advice-why-your-man-doesnt-call/2/

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 2:02pm
76: Starla says:

lol i COULD post “hey, call me:)” on CF’s facebook page. THAT would get his attention! lololololol

seriously, though, it would.

ohhh my mind is so chattery and worried about this, every day. And then I get home from work and sink into myself and my own life, and I stop feeling worried and start feeling peaceful. I go to bed knowing all is well.

And then I wake up the next day and start alllll over.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 2:21pm
77: Ella says:

Oh Sirens I am feeling a little bit panicky.

I am at MEC’s house… its his birthday. We have had a lovely few days and yesterday HE took me out for a treat, even though it was his birthday!

Today he had to work this evening and so did I, but we agreed I would meet him here at his, and I would cook a birthday dinner for him.

But on his FB page his ex wrote him this message saying she left him a present on his doorstep and put LOADS of kisses, and said she didn’t drop it in the house as she didn’t want to disturb the dog, meaning SHE STILL HAS KEYS!

And I asked him about this a while ago and he said no she didn’t!

I am feeling really shaken up with this… its the lie I think…

Anyway when I got here the present was on the doorstep and I brought it in and I saw the card attached and it said ‘love’ from her, and lots of hearts and kisses.

I know he is in love with me but this really doesn’t feel good at all.

And I am trying to get myself together as he will be back soon and I can’t even think about cooking right now and I have no idea how I will handle this.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 2:25pm
78: Starla says:

Actually, it’s just getting more and more intense. I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve never ignored my feelings like this before. Pre-Rori I would definitely be trying to contact him again.

Unfortunately, Rori’s tools and philosophies have hurt me in some ways by causing me to second guess myself and worry that men will lose interest if I do this or that. I never worried about that before I found Rori! And it undermines my confidence and it hurts me! But her tools have also totally changed my love life for the better.

I just feel stuck.

And I feel embarrassed and guilty for still talking about this.

And angry at anyone here who wants to tell me to shut up or criticize me for it, lol.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 2:39pm
79: Ella says:

Starla,

Yes… I am the same.

I feel exactly like you said on 78.

Rori’s tools have changed my life totally AND improved my relationships and dating drastically.

And also caused me to second guess myself and feel not confident to contact a man…

But you know what… There are some circumstances where I think she says it is ok.

To ask the question…

But then you have to be prepared to accept the answer.

And be prepared that it may not be the answer you want.

However if I was in your situation I would contact him… just once.

And if it didn’t go how I hoped then I would never contact him again.

However am I right to think that you already contacted him and he didn’t reply or have I got this wrong?

You could call him…

And you may feel really crappy after.

OR it may be the bridge that is required.

Just my 2 cents.

xoxox

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 2:50pm
80: Sallythatgirl says:

Starla, I would call…talking about CF here….I know it’s not Roriesque to ask but I feel if nothing is getting easier maybe your boy needs to take care of your girl?
CF from what I remember reading, and pardon me if I state this wrong never talked about the relationship….it never was or has been your fault. He just can’t DO it… For whatever reason. What do you think?
I feel you might need him to say it wasn’t you because I feel you always come back to what you did. I feel it would feel quite freeing for you to realize it was him, you did exactly what you were supposed to do….why? Because you did it. Hope that makes sense I feel anxious offering you advice. (((((Starla’s love for CF)))))

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:06pm
81: Starla says:

Ella, I always feel so privileged when you comment to me:) I did contact him a few times. On May 9 I sent him this note:

“Hey CF,
It’s felt really important to me to respect your decision and both our sanity by not pushing too forcibly into your space. I have also needed some space myself to really think absolutely honestly about things and take care of myself, and to be honest I still need a little more of that. But I don’t want to just go on seemingly forever being dead silent to each other, either. So, hi… I hope you are quite well! If you’re feeling up to it, whether it’s good/bad/ugly/boring, I’d love to hear about how you’ve been doing. Or maybe I’ll call you in the next week or two sometime.
All the very best,
Starla”

He didn’t respond and I didn’t actually end up calling him a week or two later.

I know you ladies might think I’m being pathetic, but he’s never been the type to fall out of touch with anyone on purpose. I just feel so freaking confused why he won’t even SPEAK to me.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:08pm
82: Starla says:

80 Sally, it was kind of my fault too. There’s a lot I learned I need to change about myself. Not about me fundamentally, but about the way I handle things and perceive things. I’m not trying to get CF back into a relationship right away, but I feel just wrongwrongwrong not being in touch with him. I can still feel his energy as though he is sitting next to me. I’ve never experienced this before… I’m not sure what to do with it, it’s very keen.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:10pm
83: Starla says:

Sally, you’re right, he never did talk about the relationship except when prompted. Once when I asked him about it, he enthusiastically took me out the next night to tell me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And me, instead of saying “wow this is great, let’s talk about exclusivity,” said well I don’t want to be exclusive.

Cuz I’m an idiot.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:14pm
84: Starla says:

This isn’t the first time a man offered me what i wanted and i put obstacles in his way. I have issues. And he doesn’t ask for what he needs either. Yuck, ohhhhhh I feel so confused.

Thank you ladies for this space.

My plan has been and will continue to be, for today, at least, to do nothing.

I’d say I’m heartbroken but it’s not broken. It loves CF.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:17pm
85: Starla says:

Something was so off with both of us. Not us together, that was beautiful, but both of us individually when presented with a true love.

maybe he doesn’t speak to me because he’s very scared to make it all worse?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:19pm
86: Dominique says:

Ella – #77 – sounds like the act of a desperate woman. you my dear are fine. let it go. make dinner. do your thing. try to forget about this thing which means nothing to him.

xxoo

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:20pm
87: Starla says:

I’m not sure what the harm would be to tell him actually I love him and I wish we could work things out.

Attraction wise, it might be a killer, but I’m so sick of worrying about that. It’s turned me into a game-player.

Don’t worry ladies, I’m just venting/musing, and won’t be leaving my desk to call him or anything:P

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:22pm
88: Starla says:

Ella, I agree with Dominique! I bet if you don’t freak out at this one, it’ll just cement MWC’s feelings/appreciation for you:)

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:26pm
89: Dominique says:

As for my Starla, go ahead. You have nothing to lose. You are not sitting in expectation land, so go ahead. It might make you feel better.

xxoo

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:48pm
90: Radlove says:

Francesca,

35 – I hear you! Thank you!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:53pm
91: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

46 – Awww, thank you so much!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:54pm
92: lilybelly says:

81:

You most certainly are not pathetic. Not in my book, now way, no how. You have taken care of yourself beautifully.

I love my girl Dominique’s thoughts on this as well.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 4:19pm
93: Daria says:

Yay I feel so goddess I am a girly girl so feminine im wet like lips w lipglosay

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 4:21pm
94: April Rose says:

Radlove

Honey, I left you a couple of messages on the last thread.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 4:23pm
95: Sassy says:

Starla, I feel ya! JT suddenly stopped talking to me last week out of the blue!! I feel sad, frustrated, etc blah blah blah. He absolutely REFUSES to tell me why.
But this response isn’t about me. You’ve tried calling him with no response and email with no response. What about a text just saying that you feel you seriously just need to clear the air no matter what the result is.
Or, do you have any mutual friends that could intercede on your behalf, just to ask him where is head is at right? (beside up his a$$??, sorry couldn’t resist…)

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 4:30pm
96: April Rose says:

What does a siren do when an online conversation goes as follows (with an entire day between each question and answer)?

CD: “Spending time with you having a picnic in a leafy spot in the sun sounds like my idea of a perfect day”

Next day siren says “that would feel lovely” plus more FMs

Next day CD responds “do you accept my invitation”

Next day siren replies “Yes please,” plus FMs etc

Next day “Glad you accept. What do you like to drink?”

Next day siren describes how a cool fruity cocktail would feel nice. And she says “I feel parched”

“I feel parched” means “Get the f*ck on with arranging this date!! At least ask for my number or suggest a meeting place and time.”

But no, next day CD replies “I’d better dig out my picnic basket and blanket then”

Does this guy just want a pen-pal for imaginary dates? Aaaargh…. I don’t want to answer any more, because I don’t want to nudge him to make the date. Why doesn’t he JUST DO IT?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 4:45pm
97: Francesca says:

April Rose,

Why don’t you just say “I feel curious about where you will take me”?

Not as a question but rather as a statement.

Maybe after, he’ll begin to let you in on the rest of the info (i.e. location). :/

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 4:58pm
98: Femininewoman says:

April Rose “why doesn’t he JUST DO IT” is your imaginary relationship flag. The connection is not serving you because it is making you yearn. Seems like a pattern is already established.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 4:58pm
99: April Rose says:

Thanks Francesca,
Worth a try if just for the practice

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:01pm
100: April Rose says:

Femininewoman,

I feel fascinated. You are opening up a whole new something for me.

“The connection is not serving you because it is making you yearn”
Please can you say more about this.

I spent most of my relationship with WM yearning for his time and attention.

With EM, he gives me more than I think I might want (no yearning there, but I am fearful of his potential possessiveness)

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:04pm
101: Radlove says:

I am having technical difficulties in my financial world, and feeling slapped across the face with reality as I am trying to move ahead. I feel so stressed out right now. I ran a half a tank of gas out of my car today trying to get business handled, and there is something important still up in the air.

I was supposed to meet a CD tonight and he flaked on me. He never set up a place, just a time. And it feels like par for the course.

I am trying soooo hard to get my life together after all this depression, and things just keep happening. I’m trying hard to stay positive too, and trust things will work out.

I am trying to prove residency for a small loan so I can get my car fixed and get some new clothes for this job. I’ve been driving around for months now needing brakes, inspection, and registration.

Wouldn’t you think lease, electric bill, heating oil bill, and any number of other bills in my new address would prove residency???? No, they want a W-2 form or a bank statement. And the W-2 form is buried, and the bank statement has my old address.

I feel angry, after she said YES to the loan and told me the amount. She set an appointment with me, and after I arrived, she said I needed this document and it would be only 2/3 of the amount she said yes to.

I spent my rent money buying an upgrade to my phone, ONLY after talking with her on the phone and getting a yes.

I feel like screaming at her to come visit me at my house if she doesn’t believe I live here!

I am probably going to have to spend my evening looking for this blasted W-2 form. My papers are jumbled, unopened, in multiple boxes as a symptom of my depression. I haven’t filed taxed for 6-7 years as a result of my depression.

I want to get my life together, but it doesn’t happen overnight.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:08pm
102: Ella says:

Hi.

Thanks Dominique and Starla.

Well I didn’t freak out.

But I did talk to him about how I felt about it and everything.

I didn’t blame him but I said that I felt confused and upset and angry about it.

He was very sweet and loving to me and seemed to have no idea why she sent him this gift.

Anyway I decided to come home tonight just because I was feeling confused and need some good sleep. I have a busy day tomorrow.

Well I don’t know if I was right to come home and it just feels like the best way to take care of me at the moment.

There wasn’t any big drama or anything, and we were still very loving.

And I did say I don’t feel ok with ex’s being present in the current relationship.

He said he understood and asked me what he should do.

I said I don’t know and just stuck to FMs.

Anyway I am feeling pretty tired so going to head to bed in a minute.

Night Sirens.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:11pm
103: Radlove says:

April Rose,

96 – If it were me, I would not delay response for a day, even if he did. The conversation itself sounds lovely…

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:12pm
104: Radlove says:

I spent the whole day being responsible, except for my little break here earlier. I spent about an hour earlier going thru two boxes of jumbled papers in order to gather bills. Then I went out and paid them and got my phone. Even tho it’s new and I love it, it was stressful spending that much money.

Then to come home and think of spending the rest of the evening going thru more jumbled papers? It feels too stressful! They are my pandora’s boxes!!!!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:16pm
105: Radlove says:

April Rose,

94 – Oops, I feel embarrassed, you were right…it was Emoticon who had referred to thugs. Sorry about that. Thanks for understanding.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:18pm
106: April Rose says:

(((((Radlove)))))
((((Your papers))))

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:19pm
107: Ella says:

April Rose re 96

“This interaction is feeling so long. I am feeling frustrated with all the e-mail. In person always feels so much better to me.

What do you think?”

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:21pm
108: Ella says:

(((((Radlove)))))

Life can feel so frustrating sometimes can’t it.

But I have a feeling it all has a way of working out for the best… even when it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

xoxox

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:23pm
109: Francesca says:

Radlove,

Sometimes it sucks taking care of stuff and facing our responsibilities but once it’s done, it’s so satisfying.

I bet you’ll feel lighter when you do find that piece of paper.

Hang in there, these are just life’s lessons.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:25pm
110: April Rose says:

Ella,

Sounds like you did a lovely job of communication with your man. Thanks for sharing.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:25pm
111: Francesca says:

Ella,

I’m proud of you, speaking up for yourself that way.

I think you did well.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:28pm
112: Radlove says:

Francesca,

109 – Thanks.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:30pm
113: Radlove says:

With all this emotional stuff triggered thru R this past 3.5 years, my mind feels like mush sometimes. It is SO hard to get into boy energy mode for this sort of thing.

I just seek comfort and feeling good. Facing my paperwork is like facing a fire breathing dragon.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:32pm
114: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens! Happy hour was fun, I laughed so much! I like this guy, but he looks a lot like c and another ex combined, so that was kind of throwing me he has amazing green/ grey eyes though, wow… I liked looking at him! Drinks turned into dinner, he gave me a big hug goodbye, and before I was even out of the parking lot, he texted to say he had a really good time and when could we do it again?

I’m tempted to leave my time open for these other guys to step up… But its already thurs. if they can’t make plans by now…. And I make other plans, well then, their loss!

Starla, I say call him, and then if he doesn’t answer or reply, really try to get over him. Trust me, I know that’s not easy… But sometimes things just don’t work out the way we’d hope. I still cry over C, but maybe the reason we aren’t together is because there is someone else I’m supposed to be with, and I am standing in my own way!

Rad love, did you get my email? Hang in there sweets!!!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:33pm
115: Radlove says:

Thanks Ella! Hugs to you!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:34pm
116: Angela says:

HI Sirens,

I haven’t posted in over a week because I purchased commitment blueprint. I’ve been listening to it everyday about 45 minutes per day and I can only say it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:43pm
117: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

114 – No, I didn’t…when did you send it?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:47pm
118: Radlove says:

I feel panicky and weak. I want to believe I will have the loan tomorrow. Ok, got to go look for the document. Sitting here won’t find it for me. But I may take breaks here.

I am in a position where I spent my rent money! I spent it for the phone in good faith that I was getting the loan! She said yes. She set up the appointment. I had every reason to believe the money was mine.

I am fighting the NVs that scream “bad girl! Bad girl! You should have this and if you had that…”

But I was taking care of the lil girl and I was hadnling life the best I could. I did my best.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:50pm
119: Turquoise says:

In response to the one you sent a few days ago, saying you missed me on the blog, so sweet! I sent it from my phone, and sometimes they get lost lol. I asked about your job, reading here, I hear how stressed you are. hope things calm down. I just threw out and took to goodwill half the clutter in my garage and I feel AMAZING!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 5:52pm
120: Tereana says:

Ah, so good to read here. It always takes my mind of things. In my mind – I’ve been in my head – doing the thing, where I’m wondering, Hm, where’s he been? Haven’t heard from the guy all week – the guy I went hiking with. I mean, it’s only been less than a week. Probably not all that long in “guy time.”

I’m just being a girl here. Let’s see if I can turn this into feeling statements for myself: I feel weird not hearing from him all week. I feel a little abandoned – even though I know I’m not really abandoned. I feel a little nervous, and anxious, since now suddenly I realize I kinda like him. We slept together the first time we met. I usually don’t do that (very much ; ). And if I do, it’s usually a one-time thing. And I didn’t feel very bonded with him after that.

But now it’s different. Now we spent more time together, and had more intimate experiences. Plus, I wasn’t totally drunk at the time. Lol. I hope he comes back. Maybe that’s all. Maybe I just hope that I see him again, because now I think I want to. But I don’t want to control it, to lean forward, or “make” something happen. Because then I know I’ll be the one rowing the boat, and that’s more work than I want. Anyway, if he’s going to contact me, he will. He is a man, and he wants to row his boat, just fine. I can relax. Wow, that just caused me to take a deep breath, and now my breath is slow and deep. I can relax totally and completely, because I know that whatever happens from here will be fine. I am practicing detachment, where I do not depend on the outcome. What outcome? it is simply one step and then the next. I am waiting for the next step, and it seems like it is taking forever.

But i know this is all silly, too. And I will be on here in a few days, raving about how I heard from him and the fun date we are having, and how lovely the world is and i love it, and oh my, the sun is so pretty right now! And my hair is curly. And I am so beautiful. And my friend just called. And I laughed with my neighbor today, and I had fun at work. And now I am all dressed up to go on a friend date. So I don’t have time to worry now, do I? There are too many lovely things to think about! I feel happier already.

And seriously, if you haven’t seen this video, you should! http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/04/skip-your-morning-meditation-watch-this-instead/

p.s. I like this Tip from Jonathon Aslay:

Men prefer quality over quantity.

It is better to spend less time together and make it positive and fun than to spend every waking hour together.

Toodloo!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:04pm
121: Angela says:

Hi Sirens,
I haven’t posted in almost 2 weeks because I purchased Commitment Blueprint. I’ve been listening to it for 45 minutes everyday I’ve been so focused with it and it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!
if you recall I’m in a 3 year LDR with a guy who told me that he just didn’t know if I was the right woman for him.
After attempting to hold on with all of my might I got tired of acting needy I then began to get Rori’s newsletters. I began to cd in my hometown meeting men from dating sites but I still wanted to make things work with LDR even though I broke up with him after getting tired of him stalling and me looking and acting stupid around him. We’ve been back together for almost 2 months now.
Well, I have you tell you that Rori’s advice works and it is real.. real.. real!!!!
I literally don’t do anything at all and my LDR shows up everytime. I inspire him and invite him in and he always shows up. Before, I was worried about him not calling me often or seeing me since we got back together then I gave him a short feeling message and it worked!!! He calls, texts and/or emails everyday now. I don’t initiate ANYTHING!!!
Also, for this past weekend because it was a 3 day holiday weekend he flew me on vacation to another country. And he provided everything… food, hotel travel, drinks, cab rides,even the idea to want to go. I still can’t believe it.
He even told me that he’s been thinking about moving to my hometown!!!
While there I saved some of Rori’s newsletters in my cell phone and when he was in the shower or taking a nap I would peak at them.
All the while I’m still CD’ing. I had a date last night with an amazing man I met on pof. I’ve been seeing him for 3 weeks now. I’ve been dating 2 other men as well and I have to say now that LDR is not on my mind all of the time. the energy has shifted completely. I don’t think, feel or act the same way I used to. I don’t think that LDR is that end all be all man anymore.

It’s still all baby steps for me and LDR because I feel like he’s holding back some of his passion for me because I hurt him when I left him before, so I think he’s keeping his feelings reserved.
He had so much passion for me and shows it when he’s not so much in his head. I now know when he’s being himself and when he is in his head. While on our trip he kept saying how he cared for me deeply when I asked what that meant he said he loved me but it was more than love for him. (thats when his guard was down). He said he was inlove!!! I’m still picking myself up off of the floor.

I’ve already gotten my “passion” speech ready. today he texted and called but I haven’t found the right time to tell him yet.
I will continue to listen to Rori’s commitment blueprint everyday for at least 90 days. It’s invaluable. Siren’s I know how hard it is to take control of yourself and not lean forward but listening to Rori’s program everyday has given me the strength not to and I see the results. THANK YOU RORI!!!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:20pm
122: Radlove says:

I am almost through the first of many boxes. I just found a poem I forgot I wrote a month after R’s fake proposal – I wrote it August 17, 2009. I can tell I considered it unfinished, and it could use some finetuning:

Warm Wind Whispers

Where warm wind whispers against my skin
I feel bathed in gentle, consuming Love
I leave behind the world’s din
Carried by the wings of an invisible dove

I feel embraced by a dear, divine Presence more precious than kin
As I bask in warm Sonlight from above
I feel bathed anew in warmth and touch, and lifted free of sin
As his sweet Presence surrounds me like foxglove

And fills me with all the attributes I love to bask in
I close my eyes for a long, inward gaze at my Spirit Lover so suave!
You romance me with beauty, purity, and grace, again
And I know I’m refreshed with all the Love You’re full of

Soft caresses by my eternal, Divine Lover, a new awareness can begin!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:31pm
123: Starla says:

I still have too much pride and expectation in the way to contact him, I think.

But I also think I worry too much about doing things perfectly, which is another thing I’d like to shift in my relationships. It paralyzes me and puts up walls.

I dunno, I really just feel in my heart a love like i’ve never felt before, now that all my anxieties and neuroses are out of the way and I can actually FEEL my love for him. It is much deeper than I had even known when we were together, because I was too busy feeling anxious and neurotic and afraid. And I don’t think I’m crazy and just warped feeling this overwhelming, can’t-just-ignore love and ‘off-ness’ with how things are between me and him right now. I do feel afraid that I will be seen as a crazy person by some ladies here, but I know I am not crazy. The universe has been keeping me and CF’s energy around, asking if I am going to choose it or not, and how I intend to express my choice. and I’ve had some time to decide now and I’ll probably have a little bit of time to decide still. But it seems like blasphemy to the universe to just turn away from something I am actually hoping to receive a path to.

This is me just justifying myself to the blog. It feels bad too:( Sigh.

Ummm well anyway… I guess what I’m trying to say is I feel really confused.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:34pm
124: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

Thank you! Will you please send it again?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:36pm
125: Radlove says:

I may be wrong, but I almost wonder if I was deceived by the loan company. If they just said they were in a rush and overlooked to tell me that. I have jumped thru so many hoops for them already. I just really need to repair my car and get it legal before driving 1 hr 15 min each way. Umph!

Back to searching those pandora boxes…

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:37pm
126: Starla says:

What confuses me the most is, what does it matter if i love him and want to make things work? i am not ready to try to make things work, because i can still see myself second guessing myself and freezing in fear and not being able to relax around him… this is something I need to heal by giving my adrenals a break with a dating strike and then through CD’ing. Is it just ridiculous to say “hey i just wanted to tell you that i love u and i wish we could make it work, oh but actually i don’t want to worry about that right now?”

lol silly starla
i dunno
jeez
gah

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:40pm
127: Starla says:

thank you sassy dominique lilybelly:)

i really appreciate you guys talking to me about this even though it’s been almost 2 months of this=/

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:44pm
128: Starla says:

lilibee, sorry i didn’t post a pic of me in the boots! i didn’t end up wearing them! Maybe this weekend:)

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:46pm
129: Lizka says:

Hi Sirens!!!

OMG I feel so excited!!!

I saw my Ironman tonight!!! And he talked to me!!

For those who don’t know,I have talk here about my Ironman a few times.He is this guy, adept of the pick up artist philosophy, that I dated off and on for4 years and was madly in love with. I seriously still think of him as the man of my life, the one who’Ms gonna come back in my life when I am ready.

Haven’t see him for over 1 year…

And tonight, it’s like the Universe MADE me met him again. I was not suppose to go for drinks after work because I am broke. But the coworker I was giving a ride home to said on the way home “I’m in a good mood so let’s go for a drink, it’s on me”. So we decided to go to this specific place but there was no room to sit so we went to another smaller bar…

And I was all pretty, wearing my brand new outfit that I bought yesterday during my shopping session and it makes me look like a model.

And Ironman walked in the street next to the patio where I was sitting (with two male coworkers) and he saw me and he came back and talk to me.

He was all shy and I told him so that it was cute that he was shy and he said he was indeed. And he was giving me this crazy look meaning “I’m so impressed by the siren that I see in front of me”. He had exactly the samelook that he had when we were having “moments”. After a few minutes of chatting, I ended up the conversation myself and said just “good night” even if I was burning to tell him to call me to go for drinks. I almost texted him right after but I thought it was not very sireny and the two guys I was with indeed told me it would have look desesperate.

In the last news, he had a girlfriend. I know.

But I don’t know, I have a good and weird feeling. Maybe I’m just on my cloud and over excited, but I have a feeling that he will call me in 3 days. He always had a rule of 3 days. I just remembered it.

Maybe now is the time? The time I am ready?

Or maybe not, but I was very happy to see him and I feel so curious to experiment what a pick up artist and a siren could do together. I know he would be super impressed by my new attitude because in the time, he always wished I would have be “like that”(a challenging girl were his words).

OMG I am so excited girls!!!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:55pm
130: Starla says:

I feel really embarrassed to be talking about all this CF stuff even though it feels important to me. This trigger happens a lot in my relationships, too, where I am expressing something that feels important to me but then I feel scared to be thought of as needy or crazy and I apologize for it or say never mind OR I turn it into an extremely rigid stance.

Hmm I wonder what to do with this?

(((((((((((((Starla)))))))))))))
Step 1. Send yourself love
Step 2. …..?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 6:56pm
131: Starla says:

Lizka, I LOVE when you run into an ex you are attracted to and you look amazing:D Ooooh this inspires me to look hot every damn day. <3 it! love love love hehe

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:00pm
132: Lizka says:

On another note, I decided that for me, June is gonna be the Do-Something-By-Yourself Month.

Lately, I’ve been expecting a lot from my friends and even from ATW. It’s the summer and I want to do fun activities and I’m always asking my friends to go there and here.

I decided that for the whole month of june, I’m gonna do everything I want to do by myself. Go to the beach, to the pool, shopping, yoga, whatever, by myself whenever I feel like and not gonna invite anyone. I will continue to accept the invites, but I am not going to send them. Just to rebalance my life a bit.

So tomorrow this new month starts.

And ATW just texted me good night. How sweet.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:00pm
133: Lizka says:

Oh Starla so true!! I want to look at my best every day now!

And not only I was looking like a model, but I was having fun with my own life drink a strawberry daiquiri with two guy son a patio, justbeing happy and I’m happy he saw me like that.

I want to be happy all the time and enjoy my life every day

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:09pm
134: Megan says:

Rori,

could you please write a post about comparing ourselves to the gf/ex? I have fallen into this again and it is not good, it feels horrible.
she seems better in every way….
most importantly, the big ways that I have no control over…

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:10pm
135: Starla says:

Lizka you are such an inspiration (again!)

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:11pm
136: Femininewoman says:

Megan maybe this showed up to help you change your self talk?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:20pm
137: Femininewoman says:

Radical acceptance

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 7:22pm
138: Megan says:

FW,

I hear that self-talk is important, and I don’t disagree, it just feels to simple to be true.
Like I’m just switching up the words to positive ones but the underlying message is the same…

does this make sense?

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:17pm
139: Starla says:

I got bored with wondering about CF stuff and started working on my translation website. This feels so gratifying and exciting:)

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:19pm
140: Brandylion says:

Sirens, I had a really good talk with PriestCD tonight. I just felt so awkward about him maybe thinking that I wanted to get back together over lunch that I needed for myself to clear that up. Turns out he didn’t think that, but also realized that it would be more hurtful in the long run if he didn’t tell me upfront.

He was really open and honest in answering the questions that I had for him, and when I thanked him, he said that that’s something he’s working on because he needs to be able to talk about things that feel uncomfortable.

He said that, while it was important that he’d been considering the priesthood and it was important to him that I know that (holy cow, he’d never even told him parents! Two friends figured it out, and he told his new girlfriend when they were still just friends, and I was only the 4th person who knew!), he really was leaning more toward marriage & family when we met. He also said that, yes, it was partially an excuse to cover up the fact that he wasn’t falling in love with me.

He told me how he came to be dating this woman who was just a friend. For him, it’s generally more important to be friends first and then to start dating. In fact, there was a period when he and I were dating that they were not in contact, by her choice, because she was feeling an increasing attraction and knew she needed to back off. They’ve been dating for a week, and he told her in the week before that he’d been thinking about dating her, but he just wasn’t ready yet. He said he doesn’t know exactly what changed in that next week. But basically, they’d grown close enough as friends that, with her being interested in him and other guys being interested in her, he decided to go for it.

(I notice that he never mentioned feeling super-attracted to her…)

Honestly, I felt really good hearing that he’d thought for a long time after the break-up that he wasn’t ready yet. It looks to me like I mattered to him more than I was thinking this week because he did take a while to be ready.

He had some other nice things to say that indicate that he does still care and have a genuine concern for my welfare, and does actually want to be friends (so I’m not pushing friendship on him).

I realized while talking to him and telling him some of the things that I’ve wanted to clear from the air for a while that I feel much more open to dating now. I’m still not ready for a new relationship, but I am closer than I was a few days ago!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:34pm
141: Radlove says:

I still haven’t found the document. I found a 2 year old letter from K that I accidentally didn’t open. I sat up in bed to read it and relax. I just broke the bank two weeks ago to get “Pet Armor” flea treatment for my dogs. Both of them lay in bed next to me biting and scratching. The letter was a 5 page tirade about why I need to give up the dogs. It was anything but relaxing.

So I gave up and here I am. Ugh. I feel exhausted and exasperated. This is so unfair. A loan officer shouldn’t be so irresponsible. If she tells me verbally over the phone “yes” and makes an appointment with me, then I shouldn’t have to stay up all night scrambling to find a piece of paper so I can pay my rent. I made a responsible decision to get an upgraded phone BASED on her yes. Otherwise, I would have gotten a $25 phone.

I hope and pray this will work out. I hate this. I am surfacing so much negative stuff from my past on paper, like old traffic tickets, bills, etc. This is NOT what I need right now. Ugh.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 8:48pm
142: Femininewoman says:

Megan it makes sense and I understand but try it before you knock. Your mind will eventually catch up. The change helped me to change my beliefs and made a world of difference for me.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:01pm
143: LoveAlways says:

I feel so thankful that Amelia and her date were not harmed by those people. We can walk in beauty and seek positive, but we cannot ignore that opposite exists. Survival.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:05pm
144: Starla says:

“Your mind will eventually catch up.” I agree 10038498%. Start with just sending yourself love. A general, sing-songy “love to me love to me love to me” plays in my head a lot.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:07pm
145: LoveAlways says:

“You accept without judgment everyone and everything that happens, no matter what.” Yes, I feel this sometimes.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:16pm
146: LoveAlways says:

Rori said:

…you just say to yourself:

That happened.

And accept that it happened. Regardless of “how.”

Wow, this is a big step for me – this must be surrender – not controlling what is going on around you, to you, about you.

I feel like I’m under water looking up at the sun . . . reaching

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:22pm
147: LoveAlways says:

I want that sun – I want to rise through and from the water and reach that power – surrender. “Regardless of how” is my healing. I have a lot of healing to do in this way. This feels warm like a hug.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:24pm
148: LoveAlways says:

sweet dreams sweet sirens

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:28pm
149: Emoticon says:

Hey, hope all Sirens had a great day…. feeling sick and realized something!!! Thank you sickness for yet another lesson. Every guy that heard that I was sick immediately went into “daddy mode” oh u should come back here let me take care of u! do u have someone there to take care of u?

One of them laughed and said that i ALWAYS fall sick and he wouldnt come c me when im sick cuz he doesnt wanna catch it n so would never take care of me n pretty much jus ridiculed me today. I didn’t get mad, but i did get irritated with all the lols n jokes n what not and then when he stopped he wasnt saying much so i just got bored with the conversation altogether.

hmmmm

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:43pm
150: Emoticon says:

CD asked me 2 send him a love letter cuz he said couples dont send each other love letters anymore and i said thats sad sooo it toook me hours to send it cuz i ended up going shopping with some girlfriends but here it is lol

Hi Shaune!!!

First of all sorry i took so long to write this but i thought shopping might make me feel better…. *cough cough* *sneeze*….it didn’t.

You know how much I love butterflies and i really do admire them. Don’t worry, this is about us. Remember the first time we really addressed each other? In case you don’t, it was on twitter and I was tweeting about that first day i learned to appreciate moths. Some girl had told me a few days before that moths were just misunderstood butterflies cuz i was telling her how much i hate them but love butterflies. I had NEVER before that seen a pretty moth, but that day that we talked I saw the cutest moth everrrr. It was soooo beautiful, i decided to give it a name (Ariana) and I was tweeting about that and u tweeted me for the first time ever and said “I smiled” so i said “I smiled back” and then u asked me 4 my number in a DM and thats how it all started .

What a special story. I cant wait to tell our baby butterflies about it.
So there, you made me smile from the first word and still making me smile to this day!
You’re more special to me than butterflies…. than UNICORNS even, cuz ur different than every single guy I have ever met in my whole entire life and I feel so lucky to have YOU in my life. You make me really happy and I hope I do the same for you. ((((((hugs))))))

I know ive probably never told u this before but now is the perfect time to tell u Shaune/ Deshaune or wateva u want me 2 call u I LOVE U SO MUCH n im missing u like crazy right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Love Zan

there are a few indside jokes in there like the unicorns n the “whateva u want me 2 call u” etc lol

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:47pm
151: Radlove says:

A heart filled with love is like a
phoenix that no cage can imprison..
(¯`v´¯) …․ ․ . . .`•
`*.¸.*.♥.✿´´~ Rumi~¯`
☼•*❤*•°•❥ℒƠѵℯ & Hugz..☆ . ƸӜƷ¸.☆.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 9:57pm
152: Tereana says:

Agh. I hope I just didn’t totally screw things up. I’ve really been spending a lot of time, feeling what’s in my body. Getting to the center of my feelings, wondering what that’s about – ambivalence, anxiety, fear. And I realized I just like him. I think that’s about it. I like him, and the fact that I like him makes me nervous.

So…I really wanted to wait for him to text me. I really, really did. I was all, “I’m gonna be the sireny whatever!” And not write to him. But I wrote to him.

But I wrote him a feeling message! Which means…he can respond how he wants to. I do not feel attached to any outcome now. I simply told him, “I feel nervous.” I didn’t even say why, though I was going to. I was going to say that it was because I like him. But I’ll wait until he asks. If he asks. If I even hear from him again.

I’m tempted to say I’m bad at this, but I don’t know. I’m really just practicing. In a way, it feels good. It feels good to speak my truth and say how I’m feeling. I don’t have to wonder if it’s “acceptable.” Of course it’s acceptable. Because it’s me. I am a mysterious, fabulous, gorgeous – and by the way totally MARRIAGEABLE – woman. Oh yes, he wants me. He wants me so much, that he is afraid to speak to me, too.

What if my feeling message can open the door? What if it can make it possible for us to talk? Who knows what about. I don’t have an agenda. But what if we can talk about what’s in our hearts? I don’t know about you, but that feels exciting to think about. Exciting and a little bit scary. And I feel ready to try. Maybe I can “go there.”

Of course I feel afraid. But if it doesn’t work out with him, fine. I’ll be okay. No matter what happens. I’ll be fine…

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:00pm
153: Tereana says:

I told him I liked him. And he said. “oh ”

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:05pm
154: Radlove says:

Emoticon,

That’s beautiful and sweet! Thanks for sharing!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:06pm
155: Radlove says:

Well I managed to locate my paystubs for the job last year…maybe they will accept that instead of the W-2 form for the same job. I also found my original lease with a nice welcome letter from my landlords. The loan company seems to want blood!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:08pm
156: Tereana says:

And there’s more…I’m glad I wrote. I don’t feel “leaning forward”…I feel nice. It opened a nice conversation. I feel happy. I feel happy for me. I feel happy that I am me. I feel gratitude toward myself. Yay, me!

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:18pm
157: Tereana says:

I am so funny. I make me laugh. If I was a guy, I would love me, too! I wonder what I’ve been doing all this time making myself feel like a worthless pile of nothing? There is seriously nothing wrong with me. There is everything GREAT with me. And I’m awesome and wonderful. And I’m amazing.

Turned out that he had some family stuff. Which I didn’t ask too much about, because I don’t know much about his family yet. Said he had to “keep his head” until it’s over. Whatever that means.

Well, I guess he’s just going to be a guy, and go into his “man mode,” and resurface when it’s all okay, and when he suddenly realizes, d*mn, where’s my woman? I want to see my woman! And then he’s going to take me to a movie or something and it’s going to be all sweet and lovely, and I’m going to like it.

In fact, it may work out great, because he might just leave me alone all during my period, which is kind of when I want to be left alone anyway (shhh, don’t tell the guys). lol

It’s all good. It really is all good. All good, good, good, good good. And I like it. It is good.

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 10:28pm
158: Daria says:

i feel excited !

the ereason most of us feel so emotionally unfulfilled most of the time is cuz we’re nutritionally malnourished!

omg!

we need to get our money immediately together and buy grass fed meats and high quailty foods!

omg my body is malnutritrioned

omg!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:45am
159: Daria says:

im making fringe out of the worn cuffs of my sweater!

its gonna go from worn to fly!

wooohoo

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:47am
160: Daria says:

im feeling DESERVING of massages

also ive realized this guy acted like i wasnt a girly girl when i was 6 and i realize now i am and whenever im with a guy now i just think Girly girl and i have so much fun

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:53am
161: Daria says:

i read this Dominique article where she said to keep the heart soft and that really encouraged me to do so and i GET it now in a physical way soft, and that helps so much ahhhh

omgosh

so that i dont shut down

awww

also cried a lto today

((((mmmmmm)))))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:56am
162: Emerson says:

141Radlove
You can usually return your phone for a full refund within 14 days if it came down to the wire with $$

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:09am
163: Daria says:

im feeling the fringe it looks beautiful

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:13am
164: Rebecca says:

Femininewoman

” you are NOT in charge of how the relationship goes.”

Hmmm… This statement triggers me and makes me feel weak and full of anger.. Hmm… I wonder what it is showing up for ne to heal..

I want to feel control to feel safe and secure. I DON’T want to feel insecure.. Hmm… I wonder why this istriggeting me..

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:18am
165: Rebecca says:

Sallythatgirl – I am very intrigued and inspired by your response to me. I hope to be able to let things go without going over and over them in my head. Which is what I am currently doing. Also, it has bought up my abusive relationships from the past and how much they have damaged me – and how unlucky I have been. That or I am doing something majorly wrong!! That is what I am here to try and find out I guess. At the moment it all makes a lot of sense to me, but I feel dejected as it doesn’t work in practise.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:36am
166: Rebecca says:

It’s weird everyone who knows me thinks that I am an ultra confident, on top of things woman, who speak her own mind, is very independant and doesn’t need a man. But underneath it all I am the EXACT opposite – when it comes to men I am the lowest of the low. I let them treat me really badly – and I ALWAYS fall into bad situations. Situations that my friends would never, ever allow themselves to get in to. Why do I? It is SO mysterious to me??! I KNOW I am a PEOPLE PLEASER and I go out of my way to make people happy. I would much rather they be happy, than me be happy. I allow people to treat me badly, and I still look at the positives in them when they are treating me badly. Why??? Why am I such a NICE person all the time??!!!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:03am
167: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca you are a woman. You naturally want to give. All you need is to find out what works with men and experiment with that. Show your vulnerable side.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:12am
168: Daria says:

wow me!

i made fringes of both sleeves of my old sweater and it looks way more feminine!

i feel so soft in it i feel a lil uncomfortable!

im not used to the sleeves feeling so soft

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:24am
169: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I would look at past relationships to see if there was a cycle of yearning. Even with your dad. See if you can uncover some kind of belief that might keep your creatin this pattern. Do you believe love is hard to come by, or it has to be earned? Or you tend to want what you can’t have? Were often denied things as a child?

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:26am
170: Ella says:

Um so Feeling a bit cra8ppy this morning.

MWC texted me last night that he hopes I got home safely and he loves me and called me this morning but I missed the call and then just called me again from work but couldn’t really talk cus of being at work.

I do feel a little bit bad about leaving his last night because it was his birthday… but by then all this ex stuff had come up so it wasn’t ideal anyway. And I didn’t feel comfortable staying.

I feel super PIST at this woman who is insisting on throwing her weight around.

Before all this happened I had asked him if he would introduce us, because when she dropped the dog off in the mornings and I was there in the house I would feel awkward.

So he spoke to her and she said no she doesn’t want to be introduced.

She knows we are together and yet she is leaving messages on his facebook with more kisses than my message had… and gifts on his door with love hearts on the card.

WTF!!!???

She has also left him with a pile of debt… well that is he asked her to leave and is still paying off the debts she ran up, which is affecting us.

Why is she still even around?

Ok, so they have a dog, that they kinda of time share, like a child… so fine… but why is she acting like she has some kind of special rights to him and his home and life.

I just feel so confused.

Because I honestly don’t believe it is mutual… I don’t think he feels like that about her… but then why does she feel she has the green light to send messages like that?

I know, I know, its a free country….

But GGRRRRRR FFS I just feel so angry.

I don’t want involved, hostile ex’s around.

I don’t want to be involved with someone who has an attached ex!

He asked me how he should deal with it.

But I am not telling him what to do. He will need to figure this one out for himself.

But the message needs to be clear cus she is obviously not getting it.

I get that he doesn’t want to rock the boat, however he is gonna have to deal with this, IF he wants what he has with me, which I hope/suspect he does.

There are no ultimatums, its just I know I won’t tolerate this… another woman in our lives behaving like this.

I feel SO ANGRY.

My Warrior Woman inside feels like retaliating.. I feel like making a comment on the one she left on his Facebook.

Something like ‘Wow, this feels inappropriate!’

Ha. That would feel good.

But I feel pretty unsure.

Um. I can’t believe he hasn’t taken the comment down!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:38am
171: Daria says:

i prefer i naturally want to share

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:39am
172: Radlove says:

Emerson,

162 – Thanks, but in this case there is a $50 reshelving fee that I signed for. I don’t want to throw away $50.

More importantly, I think this loan officer should be responsible for her words. If it is a game of bait and switch, I want to call her on it.

I specifically said I am calling from a T Mobile store to know about the loan so I can make a decision as to which phone to get. I bought an upgrade in good faith, based on what she told me. And I love the phone.

But I intend to press the issue. I gave MY word to my landlords about when they would get the rent. I was not the one being irresponsible – she was, in telling me yes, come in at such and such a time to sign for it, and then telling me no. Ok, so she was supposedly rushed and made a mistake. But it’s her mistake. I don’t want to pay for her mistake.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:17am
173: Radlove says:

I feel like a bundle of nerves. I slept horribly. I can’t help but feel stressed when I planned my budget so carefully and a careless woman possibly screwed it up.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:18am
174: Daria says:

((((Daria))))

~~~~~&&&&^^^^^^^““““7777777555555~~~~

you are so healthy

i love living in this body1

it feels soooo comfortable

,mmmmmmmmmmmm

((((throat)))))

(((((((metal))))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:21am
175: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

164 – “” you are NOT in charge of how the relationship goes.””

This bugs me, too. Sometimes I feel frustrated that I can’t just ask a man out on a Friday night if I want a date.

I feel so tense. Money is a very emotional issue for me. Along with not being trained how to be in relationships, I was not trained how to manage money. I took a course last year and worked closely with a financial counselor. I have progressed light years, but I feel frustrated because I have such a backlog of financial issues that they keep kicking my butt.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:22am
176: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

166 – I tend to be a people pleaser too. One thing I’ve done to break away from that unhealthy mold is to choose situations for myself when I stand up for myself. Matter of fact, this loan situation is currently one of them.

In the past, I would have gone belly up and just backed off and said it’s ok, I’m sorry, etc. This time I sat in her office saying, “I feel frustrated. I was told I was approved for the loan. I expected to walk out of your office with a check today. I have made plans around that expectation.”

She said it’s not up to her, the computer system for the company tells her what documentation is required. So I decided to try my best last night, and I feel good about finding pay stubs. I also sent emails and left voicemails, asking the company to fax the W-2 Form to them.

If she still doesn’t accept it, I am pressing the issue because I was given a verbal yes, and that should be honored.

Anyway, back to being a people pleaser…I started with small things…like I would return food if something was wrong with it at a restaurant, or if I was seated in a restaurant in a booth I didn’t like, for whatever reason…I stepped out of my comfort zone by asking politely if I could please move. I was a server, so I know that can be irritating to have to clean a table, switch to another server’s section, etc.

But practicing with little things like that has built a space within me that says, “I matter. My thoughts and feelings matter. I have a right to speak up.”

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:29am
177: Radlove says:

Daria,

I feel intrigued…what type of metal are you hugging?

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:30am
178: Ella says:

Urghhh.

Anyway we are dealing with it.

Me and him.

And that feels good.

Like a team.

And I just spoke with him and used FMs obviously and he has made some suggestions of what he will do to take care of this.

I feel glad that we can work on this as a team and he is wanting to fix this for me.

I feel SUPER mad at her.

Sorry, cussing alert… I need to just let my drama Queen up for a minute…

Like who the F8CK does she think she is??

Stupid little Biatch! Well she can just f8ck right off. Silly, misguided cow.

How dare she try to do that.

How dare she intrude on our relationship where she was not invited.

And refusing to meet me as well!!!!!

And of course on some level I do feel compassion for her, even now, as a woman who obviously still has unreciporacted feelings for a man,

But right now I am just feeling too angry and threatened (well that is easing)…

I just want to GRAAAAOOOOR at her.

She can F off.

But… at least me and him are working through this together… who knows it could even make us stronger?!

I do feel compassion for her.

But I am not ready to really feel that feeling yet.

And of course there is the fear… what ifs, comparing and what ifs… but they are more like NVs and I am not willing to buy into that.

It has made me MORE determined to be fabolous and even more sexy though… and live my most fabolous, romantic and glamorous life!

So Fuoey to her and I vote for me!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:34am
179: Lizka says:

Hi!

It’s the 1st of Do-something-by-yourself Month!

So tonight, whatever if RamadanCD haven’t confirmed our date, I’m coming back home and will date myself and give myself a pedicure and watch a movie, one that ATW usually doesn’t want to watch with me. I feel excited about this night with myself almost as much as before a date with ATW.

Good day sirens!!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:35am
180: Radlove says:

Ella,

170 – If I were in your situation, I would let him solve it, as you are doing. I would also give strong feeling messages and I want/don’t want statements…I wonder if you have done that?

I would say something like, “I feel angry seeing gifts at the door and hearts and kisses all over the place from another woman. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I am playing second fiddle to another woman. What do you think?”

or

“I feel awful when I visit your FB page and see hearts and kisses from another woman. In fact, I feel downright angry. It would feel so good if you wouldn’t tolerate this.”

If I saw that behavior in another woman, I would wonder if she was either trying to disrupt my relationship or win him back…or both.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:38am
181: Radlove says:

“The cure for anything is salt water:

sweat, tears, or the sea.”

~ from “The Only Way Is Up”

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:45am
182: Ella says:

Radllove thanks so much for responding.

I feel seen and heard and loved

Yes… I have been using loads of FMs and strong don’t want statements…

I have said those things… and he is hearing me and seems to totally get it.

And yes I do totally think she is trying to get him back or interfere with what we have.

She used to send the dog back sprayed in her perfume!

Owww, I feel uncomfortable even writing that.

I feel sorry for her but there is NO WAY I am letting her in to damage our relationship. I have worked hard on me… I am sympathetic to her but she is going to have to work this out elsewhere. Not with me… I don’t want her anywhere near what we have.

So yes of course leaning back and letting him sort this all out…

It gets worse.

As well as the debts she left I have just found out that there is still a joint account… well one that she has and uses, but still has his name on… and apparently the other day she took a payday loan on that account cus the bank spoke to him…

I feel flabbergasted.

I feel shocked and suprised that he has not tied up these very important loose ends.

I know he has had his own stuff going on but really??!!!!!!

Does he want to go on paying for her debts and mistakes for ever?

Anyway I have basically said that I feel very unsettled about it and that if it was me in his position I would feel very disturbed. I also said that I would feel very hesitant about getting my future all tied on with this type of situation and that I don’t want these kind of things to come back and bite us later… and I asked what he thinks…

He is working now so we will talk later.

Just another sad story of how messy things can get, esp when there is addiction (hers) involved.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:12am
183: Femininewoman says:

Ella I believe that an ex, is almost always “there”. For me the question is what is coming up inside of me and what those feelings are trying to tell me.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 5:16am
184: Femininewoman says:

Ella the joint account issue is reminding me of FlowerChild’s house situation with her fiance (may he RIP)

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 5:18am
185: Arrowofthyme says:

Wow this entry was so perfectly timed. I’ve been slowly healing from an ex – its been a month now. I’m on the same dating site where I found him and trying to be open but my heart is still not into it. I went on one date and the guy was so lackluster, but I practiced my feeling statements even though I was bored and kept comparing him to the ex who was more charming.

It ended because he had limitations to how deep he could go emotionally but since all of my rori raye steps really helped him to commit to me, there’s still this residual guilt that I could have done more, been stronger and guided the relationship better. We aren’t speaking and the more time away from him, the harder it is to not idealize his best qualities.

Until yesterday. The dating site literally matched me with him. And his new photos were all pictures I had taken of him on our dates. One was from valentines day. They weren’t romantic moments in the photo but it was still tacky and I felt stunned. I had been having trouble deleting his photos from my phone and meanwhile he was looking at them and thinking ” wow, so glad I dated whatshername cause now I have all these fun photos of ME! I hope they get me some action”

I was able to delete my photos of him shortly after no problem. But I feel angry and like I want to control the situation. He has never been malicious – he’s more like so clueless he ends up hurting me. I l ow it was a reminder I had dodged a bullet but it hurts, the disconnect between where he is and where I am.

I’m trying to refocus but my thoughts keep going back to what he’s offering someone new and the loss. It’s the weirdest thing. I dumped him! Sigh.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 6:07am
186: Arrowofthyme says:

Wow this entry was so perfectly timed. I’ve been slowly healing from an ex – its been a month now. I’m on the same dating site where I found him and trying to be open but my heart is still not into it. I went on one date and the guy was so lackluster, but I practiced my feeling statements even though I was bored and kept comparing him to the ex who was more charming.

It ended with the ex because he had limitations to how deep he could go emotionally but since all of my rori raye steps really helped him to commit to me, there’s still this residual guilt that I could have done more, been stronger and guided the relationship better. We aren’t speaking and the more time away from him, the harder it is to not idealize his best qualities.

Until yesterday. The dating site literally matched me with him. And his new photos were all pictures I had taken of him on our dates. One was from valentines day.

They weren’t romantic moments in the photo but it was still tacky and I felt stunned. I had been having trouble deleting his photos from my phone and meanwhile he was looking at them and thinking ” wow, so glad I dated whatshername cause now I have all these fun photos of ME! I hope they get me some action”

I was able to delete my photos of him shortly after no problem. But I feel angry and like I want to control the situation. He has never been malicious – he’s more like so clueless he ends up hurting me. I l ow it was a reminder I had dodged a bullet but it hurts, the disconnect between where he is and where I am. I feel invisible.

I’m trying to refocus but my thoughts keep going back to what he’s offering someone new and the loss. It’s the weirdest thing. I dumped him! Sigh. It’s the lack of control.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 6:14am
187: Starla says:

I feel sad, I miss CF, what a bunch of bullsh*t, i’m going to channel that energy into getting ready for my day and looking cute. I can see how I am starting to abandon myself for my sadness a little bit and I’d better nip it in the bud.

BLAH

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:05am
188: T-Girl says:

Radlove re: financial issues,

I recommend reading Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover. It has totally changed the way I view money. I also took his Financial Peace University through my church which was awesome!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:08am
189: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((Arrowofthyme)))))))))

Hi. I guess you chose this name for a reason. About the pictures, could you have been possibly overfunctioning do that? I ask because it reminds me of a long time girlfriends relationship where her then boyfriend took hundreds of pictures of her. I am just wondering if it is a masculine thing where maybe a man will do those things when he is besotted by a woman and this is his way of cherishing her? If so then could a woman be operating in masculine energy when doing that? Especially if one is into photography.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:19am
190: Femininewoman says:

I wonder sometimes how I play out the “victim” in my life when certain themes keep resurfacing?

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:21am
191: Tam says:

Hmmm…so supposedly men are easy to work out since they do what they want and so on. Women (so everyone says) are complicated.
Actually, strangely, I find that my experience has taught me quite the opposite. I know what I want. Mr unavailable, who can’t handle a full on relationship, however, makes sure he contacts me once a week or fortnight, so that I don’t run away completely and I still think in the back of my mind ‘oh, this is my man, things will work out once he realises etc’, which is not right and even if it is I should not feel like this, like on a string!!!

But it doesn’t matter how many men I meet and date and like, I can’t help but compare and they just never measure up…not just in one department but in many. And he told me – with different words – that he has the same experience.

But I manage to fool myself for a few days and try to forget him, put him on my horse and blah – and then I get a message from him, saying that he looks forward to seeing me again – and all falls to pieces. Well, we are at long distance now, and I know once we are in the same place again, he will pursue me, take me out, make me have a great time..and right at the last ‘hurdle’ (full-on commitment) he will bolt. Or will he? It’s getting closer and closer to the real thing. But he will not be rushed, and he likes to keep his options open, so I do not contact or chase at all.
Deep down, I lean back and have this feeling in my soul that we will get together eventually, and that we will be happy (are very similar in many ways, and totally comfy with each other)… Ladies, I just know it and I can’t even say I am deluding myself….because sometimes I even feel from afar that he knows it too. Mad, Mad, mad??? I feel mad for admitting it!! Deluded me?
@Starla, if if if he did not contact me anymore, like your CF, I would find it easier to move on because I would say that he had moved on also…
Pre-Rori, in your situation, I would have contacted ‘my’ CF also, and I did. And it just made him withdraw and get anrgy, so what you said before about now having to question yourself and not wanting to initiate contact, whereas before you’d have done that. I feel it makes no difference when we contact them, from experience nothing changes because I think if there is some kind of a pull, he will be back. If not, he won’t….
Txxx

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:24am
192: Tam says:

and tomorrow I am meeting a CD, finally, after some dating abstinence..I call him BaldCD, he is English and super funny…physically not at all my type, but he is calm and funny and we have nice conversations…so now I will preen myself a little, and try to put Mr Unavailable right on my horses backside, so that he has to dig his fingernails in to stay on. HAAAA!!!
So there!! Defiant me.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:29am
193: Femininewoman says:

ReceivingGirl are you okay?

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:40am
194: Femininewoman says:

Hi, This is Rori…

My husband once seemed like a mystery I couldn’t solve, like a puzzle with missing pieces, and with a brick wall where his heart should be.

He seemed impossible to get to know – and more important – impossible for me to show my real, true self to.

I remember when he’d walk by me with an air that reeked of “cold” to me.

My first instinct was to anger – “How dare you!” I wanted to scream. “If you want to talk to me, come to me – don’t make me follow you around!” And then I got it…

What I “got” was that my husband going “cold” is either:

He’s angry and upset with me, and doesn’t know how to say it; or,

He’s angry and upset with something that has NOTHING to do with me.

So – the “old” me would jump right in imagining that this is all about ME.

I’d go over everything that happened with us in the last 24 hours, and try to fix it by thinking up something nice to do for him – like suggesting something fun to do, or initiating affection or sex, or just plain chatting to “lighten”the mood.

I’d go into “Overfunctioning” mode, which would just push him away more. (As I explain and help you with in my Have the Relationship You Want ebook, “Overfunctioning”is one of the biggest ways we push our men away).

Or – I’d get angry right back. “What right does he have to get all ‘moody’ with me?” I’d ask myself.

Sound familiar? I’d jump right into “defensive thinking.”

Now (and I’ve been able to do this since I turned my marriage around nearly 15 years ago), I just go do something for myself that feels GREAT. I breathe, I use my Tools to regain my sense of Power and get back into my body, my heart and my life.

Usually, within an hour, my husband chases ME down and starts a conversation.

GET LOVE FOREVER THIS WAY…

To learn how to create love instead of dry it up, to inspire a man to love you more instead of making him feel hesitant, to get passionate about him where once you might have been “bored” – and to cement his interest in you and affection toward you into a lifelong, totally committed relationship – you’ll want to check out my “Love Forever Teleclass Membership Program==>>

For right now…

DO THESE 5 THINGS WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN THIS SAME SITUATION I WAS ONCE IN:

1. Catch yourself wherever you are, whatever you’re thinking or feeling that’s a reaction to what your man is doing – for example: either feeling angry, defensive, frightened that he’s losing interest, or starting to “Overfunction”(offering him something like food, or a massage, or asking him how he’s feeling, or picking up after him…)

2. Stop. Just absolutely STOP.

3. Breathe

4. Stand totally still and Find Your Feelings – for now just see if you can find a feeling or a sensation in your body. It will help you feel more grounded, and stop you from following your normal pattern of reacting to him in ways that don’t work.

5. Turn around. Find something to do for YOU.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable and strange when you do this – GREAT! It means you’re on your way to shifting your relationship.

To really get guidance and support – and to get YOUR questions answered and your situation addressed personally by me, check out my “Love Forever” Teleclass Membership Program here==>>

http://www.coachrori.com/love-forever-program/

Let me know how it feels for you to “ignore”your man, and I’d love to know what he does…!

Love, Rori

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:49am
195: Emoticon says:

FW thanks for posting this. The word BORED stuck out to me. Because my pattern with one CD is, i get angry…. then i get bored. But maybe im bored because instead of doing something to entertain myself, i wait for him to entertain me.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:58am
196: boasgirl says:

today -

today i am feeling very sad, and a bit allergic,

going out for dinner with friends, have to make a salad -

kind of feel like staying at home, but i accepted the invitation, and maybe it will be nice

looking for a change – a step forward –

no cds – i rejected a couple -

feeling a lack of energy

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:59am
197: Femininewoman says:

boasgirl some time ago Rori wrote an article about what to do to take care of our health, such as eliminating sugar. You might wish to look at that to see if there is something you might be able to do change your internal ecosystem.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:02am
198: Femininewoman says:

Before I end this email, I would like to share another story.

After one of my coaching sessions with Carol, she introduced me to Larry Michel.

Larry has an AMAZING program called MatchMatrix (more about that in a second).
Now Larry is also a friend of my beloved and we were going to invite him to dinner.

When we reached out to make plans, he offered to run a report for the two of us.

Larry focuses on the Energetics of a Relationship.

You might be thinking, what’s that?

Energetics has to do with our compatibility at a “core” energy level.

How we communicate
How we run our lives
How we handle money and our relationship to money
How we related in our intimacy & sexual relation

Ultimately this report helped define our similarities and how we can support each other.

Once again, I’m not much a believer in this woowoo stuff or science.

But Larry was dead on, I mean his work is unbelievable.

Nicknamed “The Love Finder” Larry Michel is the Founder of the School of Genetic Energetics, and a Master ERP (Energetic Relationship Professional). He is a breakthrough relationship coach, trainer, speaker, entrepreneur, producer, radio show host, and author. Larry has one primary objective for all of us… get fully present, embrace what you are with complete love (flaws included) and enjoy every precious moment.
You can learn more about Larry, just CLICK HERE

Well there you have it, my “go to” coaches.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:16am
199: boasgirl says:

yeah, maybe … thank you, Femininewoman

i will look and see what i can find …

other than that, i guess the pollen season is quite heavy this year, where i live -

but it’s great to see if there are things i can do!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:17am
200: Ella says:

FW, do you know where the article is that Rori wrote about how to look after our health pls?

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:24am
201: Femininewoman says:

198 is from, John Aslay

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:24am
202: Femininewoman says:

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/love-yourself-healing-in-los-angeles-and-wherever-you-live/

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:27am
203: Femininewoman says:

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/physical-health-and-chronic-illness/a-plan-for-your-boy-to-implement-to-help-your-mood-and-lift-depression/

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:33am
204: Ella says:

Thanks

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:33am
205: Femininewoman says:

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/the-sugar-problem-and-how-it-wrecks-our-relationships-with-men/

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:38am
206: Femininewoman says:

It’s a pretty magical thing learning to engage one muscle in your body when you’re used to using another one for the same thing. I have to close my eyes. I have to imagine where that muscle is, what it feels like to engage it.

That’s why Circular Dating works. That’s why all of these baby-steps and Tools work. Because they are about getting into different — new to you –muscles in your body. Ones you haven’t used much lately. Undoing compensatory torque is about resurrecting the power of muscles, fibers, nerves, impulses, energy patterns that have been left to wither. It’s about renewing a connection with parts of your body that have been ignored. Parts of your body that have gotten so tight and tense that they don’t work anymore.

Begin with your dreams, your spirit, and your power. It’s time to get reconnected to those parts of yourself that have been left to wither. You still have them. They’re still there. Now — let’s get them working!

Start with a tennis ball — use it on your feet, use it on your back, use it along with your fingers to explore and experiment, gently, all over your body.

Now imagine what it would be like to do the same for your heart, your dreams, and your emotions.

Imagine if you could massage the place where you’re stuck in the “blues,” and bring your joy back to life again! What if the blues are really just compensatory torque because your joy muscle is just not working anymore? What if none of this is your fault and this whole pattern got started at a moment where you had no power to decide whether it was going to change your life or not?

Well — you have the power now!

This is why I do not believe in the time line of healing that most people promote. I believe in the steps of grief and recovery. But I don’t believe they have a timeline attached.. I believe that you can have a horrific breakup — even a divorce after 20 years — and start healing yourself in ways you may never have thought of, like Circular Dating, in a week. This is not to say you’re going to feel fantastic in that first week or that first month or even that first year — at least not all the time.

I believe in time off, I believe in vacations, I believe in retreats, and I also believe that none of those things in themselves help heal you. It’s always what you do in the moment you’re IN that can help heal you and change your life.

So start now discovering your patterns — your physical patterns, your emotional patterns, the way you move, where you go, what you do. Notice what you’re doing that is stuck. That is holding you back. That’s running in a rut. That’s just digging your pattern deeper and deeper and deeper.

I wish I could send Kelly out to you all, and what I’ll do is just turn what I’m learning into something that can help us all in a big way.

Happy exploring, happy discovering, and please tell me what you’re finding out about your compensatory torque — where it is and the steps and baby steps and tools you’re using to unwind it. Don’t look for the “why” — just experiment and see what you find. Let me know!

Love, Rori

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:46am
207: Jessie1000 says:

Watch out for internal perfectionism

Watch out for the anxiety that comes from believing you not being able to maintain perfect behaviours over a time period…usually first few months it is sort of attainable.

Watch out for believing that perfect women get great men and great relationships.

Its not true although your inner monologues might scream that!

Watch out that believing you have been a perfect girl friend, he should want to commit, marry and keep you forever.

There is no guarantee.

Love yourself and even your imperfections.

Let your guards down and show them your weaknesses and vulnerability….it wont guarantee a great relationship but it guarantees authenticity.

You will always be a mystery if you dont open up.

No one can fall in love with someone they dont know. Even if its not all wonderful.

Its the quirky and unique things that people grow to love about us.

Its the ways we are different not the ways that we are perfect that makes us bond to each other.

Having friends, good friends that love us as we are is refreshing.

Let your guard down with all people! Be surprised! Let yourself be surprised that people will love you for just you. And for trying not to be perfect but trying to be you!

Perfectionism is the highest reason for despair and anxiety.

Not because other people wont accept us for us, but because we believe we are not good enough….cause your standards are so high for ourselves, they are constantly frustrating our abilities to find authenticity.

I feel ok that I am a single mom.

I feel Ok that I got divorced. Its better to be divorced that to have lived with someone for 20 years who treated me bad.

Kisses ya allllll….

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:47am
208: lk says:

ella, i feel you ! yesterday cd’s exgf (7yr live-in) emailed him… including the line, ” it will be hard to pretend i don’t exist in your new life when i’m at the front door” eeeeeee help i love my man & i trust him to handle this in a way that is respectful of our relationship : ) still, i do feel angry ! i do feel…. scared ! & …….. oh what is it that i really feel ? i feel sad for her. i feel annoyed by her lack of respect for me. i feel curious to see how cd will handle it. pretty good. i do feel good anyway, even though i feel a little “stressed” by the situation…. (((((((Ella))))))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:55am
209: Starla says:

I feel so full of regret
I never told CF how much I truly wanted him and cared for him.
I didn’t make his feelings very important.
I was just concerned with my own self not getting hurt — my own triggers and baggage.

I want to tell him.
I wish he would just contact me so I could do it without having to risk really irritating him.

I feel so lost

Thank you, ladies, for letting me have this space.

And also, I noticed I only really worry about this stuff so intensely when I’m stuck at work.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:58am
210: Starla says:

woah, lk, yikes. that girl sounds undesirable. “i will stalk you.” lol, no thank you.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:02am
211: lk says:

after he told me he just said can i have a hug & he said thank you for listening, i feel stressed… & then he said, i do feel bad for her… she sounds cr8zy… but i feel excited for my life with you & when i woke up i told him i had bad dreams about it & he said he felt bad too & he cuddled me… now i’m feeling the “jealousy waves” rising up in me, but for some reason it feels pretty easy to “surf” them instead of “drowning” under them………. cool : ) thank you, universe for showing me this new way to feel this way ! feels exciting & i feel good. i even feel good imagining that she comes & he takes her back because i know i’m so cool that i will just smile & be gracious & find a new path to my dream life !! : )

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:02am
212: lk says:

starla…….. i do feel weird & confused by it…& i feel weird hearing that a woman wrote that ! ………… it feels so ……………. well, it feels “designed” to NOT have the expressed needs met…. like… the style of communication / tone are saying, ” do not help me. stay away from me ” even when her message is saying, ” help me, i want connection”

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:06am
213: Starla says:

lk, that’s totally personality disorder behavior. i dunno though… i’m not a shrink.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:10am
214: Emoticon says:

CD that i wrote the letter to said that its the best thing he has ever woke up to.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:13am
215: Starla says:

f*cking holy sh*t, I feel so confused and distraught by this CF stuff.

I can’t wait for this day to be over so I can do something aside from sit in one place and feel like something is deeply wrong. sigh.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:14am
216: boasgirl says:

(((femininewoman)))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:18am
217: Femininewoman says:

In a healthy relationship, both people are emotionally healthy individuals who are happy to be together, and aren’t playing head games.
When, on the other hand, one person pulls away, and the other one chases this relationship is based on games and deceit.
And if you want to ensure that your relationship is lasting and healthy, you need to recognize that distance can be healthy when moderated.

http://commitment-relationship.com/how-men-respond-to-distance/

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:19am
218: Starla says:

i have the skills and the knowledge to take care of myself and minimize my anxieties when I’m feeling this way, but I feel really uneasy about ignoring such strong feelings. I don’t want to be a fool and ignore my own intense feelings/inspirations.

I have a lot of growing to do still. Right now it’s like I have to choose between myself and my heart. To shut up my heart for the sake of my whole self. I want to be able to choose both without jeopardizing the health of one or the other.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:19am
219: lk says:

starla, i do see her side in some ways…. she left a lot of boxes in the basement (went to another state) & asked that the boxes be shipped & they have not yet been shipped. cd does not have it as a priority (it would take us several trips into town & it would cost many hundreds of dollars)….

cd feels she chose to leave without warning, she chose to leave boxes behind, & he thinks she has very minimal rights to have him doing favors for her. she is also (for some reason) very angry that he is dating someone new ???? HELLO that is what happens when you leave a good man. they find another partner. we are both confused by her baffled reaction lol…

also, she didn’t work while they were together but she wants half of his “stuff”. i think that’s great, she can have half his student loans ! hoorah, win-win lol

????

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:35am
220: Brandylion says:

I feel warm and soft, open and buoyant. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:37am
221: Femininewoman says:

LK these words “very angry that he is dating someone new ??” kind of jumped at me in your comments. Are they your words or are they hers? I feel curious because I somehow thought you were beyond the just “dating” stage. Please ignore if you wish as I realize it is your business not mine. I just feel curious.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:40am
222: Femininewoman says:

Yayy Brandylion

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:41am
223: Starla says:

lol she can have half of my student loans too while she’s at it

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:42am
224: lk says:

femininewoman, those are my words. she has said things to him like, ” i can only imagine what it must feel like to waltz into the life we spent years building ” or something…. & she says it makes her uncomfortable to imagine me living in a house with furnishings she used to live with (or something??) …. but actually, we don’t really have any furniture around from when they were together except like the television & the couch…. cd cleaned everything out & “started fresh” & now *my* furniture is there….. so… anyway, she is also angry because he asked her not to call the house out of respect for me….. she’s mad.

except… & this is the ” cr8zy ” part — she is not always Mad. sometimes, she is just normal, diplomatic, polite…… i think mostly, she is a lovely person. i think probably sometimes when she is living at home, wondering what she did with the past 7 years of her life, she becomes Angry-feeling & lashes out at him…

sorry this is random-sounding, but i do appreciate any feedback, femininewoman : ))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:51am
225: Ella says:

lk re 208.

Wow. Thank You for posting about that.

Your responses feel inspiring to me.

Yes MWC’s ex was a 7 year live in too! Spooky.

Anyway we are ok now… the way he has handled it just makes me feel so safe and loved.

It has literally made me feel melty and soft and suprised.

And I feel like it has only made us stronger!

All because of how we both responded.

I doubt if she will just gracefully fade out or step back… but hey, you never know.

And the great thing is I feel like a team with MWC in how we are handling this.

((((((lk)))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:53am
226: Starla says:

I am going to close this blog window and just focus on the work I have in front of me at the office for a little while. There’s nothing I can do about CF *right now* while I’m at the office and I need to shift my focus and vibe back to myself and other things that are important to me.
((((((blog)))))))))
((((((((me)))))))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:56am
227: ulii says:

I just have to share this that recently made me feel angry and worthless.

From an e-mail exchange with a movie-director, 16 years older than me… He started to write to me in match.com and request bigger & more detailed photos, make a list of his requierements in a woman (physically attractive, sensual, warm, admirerer and understanding of his art, adventurous..etc…) and said in the second mail already I seem cold from the way i write & the photos are bad quality (which got me triggered, so I responded already in a bit defensive mode, being irritated from his requirements and general despective tone).

Me: I feel uncomfortable chasing after a man, even if he is a great artist.

Him: So go away. You are not the girl for me. I don’t want to have to work to get a girl’s confidence. Should be the other way around.

Me: I don’t want to be a muse or object to somebody.

Him: So I repeat, go away. To be my muse is a privilege.

Of course I have not answered to that anymore (as the subject line of his last mail was also “Go in peace”… like he would be a priest or something).

I feel guilty of attracting that to me. This kind of men who trigger me with their huge egos and I get the reaction so that they can call me cold and egoistic.

I feel an urge to do something, to answer, to win the argument, to answer them badly…To insult them. Like only because being a successful artist you can say these things to me …who do you think you are?!… But instead I try to let it go. But you see it’s hard….as I’m here on the blog with the same subject already several days in the row.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:59am
228: Emoticon says:

((((((starla))))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:01am
229: lk says:

& also, regarding “dating”…… i keep trying to write something that makes the most sense…… our relationship does operate on the assumption that we are spiritually United & fully committed… however…. yes, there is still some “distance” between what we have & what we are moving toward : )

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:02am
230: Emerson says:

Lizka 132
I really like this idea and I think I will do this as well.., and tack it on to leaning back with every CD that I may have now or in the next 30 days.

I have been leaning forward with friends A LOT because of my job change it’s been hard to connect with people due to my schedule and not seeing friends at my old work anymore…I’m like worried I will lose touch with everyone and it’s me initiating the contact….otherwise maybe I wouldn’t talk to or see them…I dunno…

But I’m going to do things myself and maybe I will meet new friends in the process!!!

I leaned forward and texted RecycledCD a couple of weeks ago to which I received NO REPLY (I feel annoyed by this both at myself for texting and by him for ignoring me) ….He is so hot and cold and I feel more and more he is not one I can keep as an option, sadly, because of this. I also feel mad at myself for not being more sireny with him and not reaching out. But I did need / want his advice about something and I said so in the text and he never responded. Grrrrr I want to call him and chew him out actually.

I also leaned back a lil bit with OrangeCrushCD and just texted hello the other day but now I’m waaaay back leaning mode!!!! OCcd is so sweet and seems to really like me it’s cute!! He calls me beautiful all the time etc…

Anyway thanks Lizka for inspiring me

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:02am
231: Emerson says:

227 (((Ulii)))

It feels bad to be talked to the way he did and I’m sorry you went through that.

The guy sounds like a jerk. But he is a nobody in your world.

You got some practice in for communicating and just leave it at that.

Move on and don’t worry about somebody so shallow and he sounds a lil strange.

He probably treats women badly by how he is talking to you!!!

Blech!!!

If I remember correctly I think Rori says don’t feel bad if you attract some undesireables because ALL kinds of men are attracted to us as women and sirens….and that does not mean ALL of them reflect anything about us etc….

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:07am
232: lk says:

humbug now i’m feeling all guilty / heavy / drama-laden……….. oh, lk, it’s ok ! : )))

we’ll see what the man does. i refuse to believe either of these good humans are “wrong” (((((girl))))) (((((cd)))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:11am
233: Femininewoman says:

Ulii it feels bad and I can imagine your poor brain in overdrive to defend you. Mine operates like that too and my words can get extremely caustic in such circumstances. However, I encourage you to challenge yourself to send him compassion. I can only imagine how demeaning his self talk is. He must hate himself. He will only have the ability to be kind to someone else if he is kind to himself. I don’t believe it is about his success. I would even hazard a guess that he is not enjoying it but that he must be miserable.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:14am
234: Femininewoman says:

Emerson are you sure he ignored you?
Are you sure he received the text?
Are you certain it wasn’t received late when it might not have made sense to him to respond?

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:16am
235: Emerson says:

233 FW your approach to Ulii is much more compassionate than mine.

My knee jerk reaction was “WHAT A JERK A$$!!”

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:16am
236: Femininewoman says:

I learned from a coach to build in a “pause” because there really is no urgency.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:21am
237: Emerson says:

234 FW I would imagine that at some point he could reply to me at least…
I appreciate your reframing of the thoughts of the situation though…I do feel better thinking of it differently, but I also feel “hurt” that he hasn’t contacted me in a few weeks since we last met up for coffee/lunch. It would feel good to see him but then again maybe not…I feel confused about him right now.
I need more support/attention/time with a man than he can give and so I have to be carefu

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:24am
238: Emerson says:

234 FW I would imagine that at some point he could reply to me at least…
I appreciate your reframing of the thoughts of the situation though…I do feel better thinking of it differently, but I also feel “hurt” that he hasn’t contacted me in a few weeks since we last met up for coffee/lunch. It would feel good to see him but then again maybe not…I feel confused about him right now.
I need more support/attention/time with a man than he can give and so I have to be carefu

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:24am
239: Emerson says:

oopsies technical problems!!!
Anyway I was goign to say I have to be careful to keep Recycled in perspective of a friend to see now and then and not neccesarily as a CD persay…

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:27am
240: Emerson says:

I also go into this mode of thinking about Recycled like “he owes me” ….and I don’t know where that is coming from….I guess I feel that he owes me for putting up with so much crap from him which now that I write it down, sounds really lame.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:28am
241: ulii says:

Thank you Emerson & FW! Feels so good to read your answers, I feel supported. Actually I even got tears in my eyes.

From feeling very hurt I have already moved a bit further… so where I actually can feel a bit compassionate about him & his life. But should I send him some fm about it? Or you mean just in my mind?

I also feel guilty I have not been catching up on the blog lately…and just posting my own mishappenings. ..so I’m behind from everyone’s developments.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:35am
242: Femininewoman says:

It is not lame Emerson. It is one of those patterns we develop when we overfunction. It creates a feeling of obligation that men don’t like and one of the reasons why many don’t like when women do things for them. I believe CCarter refers to it as the Relationship Debt. We overfunction then we start keeping score about what he owes us. One of the relationship traps.

Awareness is key

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:37am
243: Femininewoman says:

Ulii the feeling of guilt is useless and I would check into myself to find out why I choose that feeling.

I might even say “I forgive you_______” out loud to him while sending compassion from my heart but I certainly would write again. For me, that would be facilitating and engaging in a toxic dynamic.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:43am
244: Femininewoman says:

Emerson also the “he owes me” norm is something many of us experiencing playing out in a lot of relationships out in the world as kids so we unconsciously agree that this is the way we have to be in our relationships. Then as we grow we play out the pattern. And the cycle continues as our kids watch us.

With awareness we can unravel this. When we focus on our feelings and our behavior we can catch ourselves and stop ourselves.

Isn’t it just beautiful learning about ourselves and how much power we have to create what we want.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:53am
245: Emerson says:

Hmm 242 FW that is very interesting….
I will have to go on CCarters site and read more if I can find it…
I hink there is something to this theme and it’s coming up tp heal…
OrangeCrushCD as sweet as he is…has mentioned to me “if I do this then you do this for me,,,etc” telling me let’s make a deal…which feels bad and unromantic and stressful…
I don’t know if he’s just akward or if this is a deeper issue for him in relationshiops that all has to be “even” in score…yuck.
I will continue to focus on me and how I feel in his presence and go from there.
As far as Recycled goes…it’s interesting FW because when he reappeard by no prompting from me, it was at a point when I felt nothing about him and he was not on my radar persey…
interesting

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 10:59am
246: Emerson says:

I’m unsubscribing from emails from another relationship coach because she tends to focus on why the guy in your life is doing this or that and how you can figure it out…etc. …and it feels gimmicky and counter intuitive to my siren ways…which include focusing on me and my feelings not on WHY he is doing or not doing!! I got tired just reading her last email intro….draining.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:01am
247: Emoticon says:

tit for tat <<<< yeah ure right it feels bad. A friend of mine who is trying to become a CD asked me if i was bringing him some money when i leave the bank. I said I dont give guys my money lol…. He said when i hope its the other way around too. I said wow, i dont ask for money but if a guy offers to pay for somthing for me, i feel good letting him do that.

I felt so weird when he said that i hope it the other way around. I mean, if a guy chooses to give me money there's nothing wrong with that.

And CDs give me money for the bus and the cab all the time, and it feels good to let them pay for that if they don't drive and can't pick me up.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:03am
248: Emerson says:

244 yes FW it is beautiful!

I am feeling sad and beating myself up now for possibly “driving away” Recycled with my selfishness and keeping score….but I want to flip that and not beat myself up…I want to send compassion to myself and to him for whatever he’s doing and it’s none of my business what he is doing anyway…..LOL when I do talk to or see Recycled he is so “nosy” always asking me questions (lots of questions) and I’ve gotten so much better and “not” answering them directly!! Hee hee and usually when I do that he gives me a compliment because he can’t help it I’m being so feminine!!! He’s gotten mellower about the questioning too because he doesn’t get the info he’s seeking…some of it I don’t mind telling him but some of it is not stuff I want him to know…

On another topic, I feel better today after getting my paycheck so I feel that I can pay my bills!!! I’ve been working so hard and it feels good to get paid…

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:07am
249: Emerson says:

Emoticon that is a great answer! Very sireny of you girl!!
Well I must say it’s our culture too…women are so powerful nowadays (not a bad thing) I think it’s confusing for people (men and women) to know their roles to be healthy sometimes if they are not aware…..

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:10am
250: Emerson says:

(((Ella))) (((LK)))
Recurring theme of ex’s still in the periphery….
I have such a hard time with this in the past as well…. but you are handling it gracefully ladies…I love your approach Ella how youjust went home to take care of you…and lk I like how you said she is probably a lovely person etc….
I will keep these approaches in mind when/if I come accross it because usually I just react by being angry and acting territorial like a bit$h

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:12am
251: Emoticon says:

Thank you Emerson

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:14am
252: Jenny says:

hmm letting go of thing is the key.
I just had a thought:

“it does feel good with CDJim and got tp trust the feeling -now get focus on other CD with other men, like this sweet charming young man I’m chatting with right now – a man who is in contact with me allmost every day, and “I have never fallen with anyone online, like I have done with you. I cant wait to meet”

Adn 2 min later CDJim sent an sms:

“Hi a little trouble here. HAve to work this weekend How typical. Hugs”

He work on a mental hospital with ppl who the court have judge to mental treatment – so I do belive him.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:15am
253: Emerson says:

I want this dress but it requires wearing no bra = a problem for me LOL but it’s soo pretty!

http://www.shopbop.com/cassandra-ombre-maxi-dress-young/vp/v=1/845524441933660.htm?folderID=2534374302063518&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&colorId=12867

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:18am
254: Ladybug says:

After years, perhaps a lifetime of being stuffed, shutdown, keeping my heart closed, then being delighted and mercenary in a divorce from a toxic man, I met WOW! The man friends had been telling me about for years, my “perfect man,” even saying to dump the husband to pursue.

Open my heart to Love. Let my heart be vulnerable.

But he’s never been married and I’m the marrying kind. I was curious on why women are willing to to stay in girlfriend mode for years, even decades for him. Curiosity killed the cat. Realizing I was in love with him was terrifying. My circular dating drove him to all kinds of whackiness.

16 months after first meeting him, expecting a proposal, or at least an attractive proposition, he ended it with an hour and a half good-bye kiss, even kissing my tears away. We are preserving our business arrangement, we’ll continue to see each other where he has total control. It’s difficult to see the love, fear and confusion in his face and not be able to talk about it with him. I CHOOSE to continue to trust and respect this man.

New CD stated over dinner one night, “Wow, I can’t believe your not remarried already.” I almost burst into tears. I did choke on my food a bit.

Mr. Vague is a really good dater, but hasn’t pursued the physical. I kept thinking he wan’t interested, but he kept calling and asking me out. It was kinda’ creepy the both of us running deep background checks on each other. Now that’s done, he offered me a job.

Open my heart to Love. Let my heart be vulnerable.
OWWW!!!!! Walk it off, walk it off.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:23am
255: Emoticon says:

Emerson that dress is hot… how about wearing those sticky things (4got the name) over ur boobs

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:23am
256: lk says:

thank you, emerson! i feel happy having support : ) it feels difficult to try to negotiate new relationship terms with a former romantic partner & i want to be compassionate toward both of them, while still maintaining safe boundaries around myself & my “family”.

that dress is really pretty !!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:30am
257: Rebecca says:

Radlove, Femininewoman – You always have such great healing comments to me. Thank you.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:31am
258: Emerson says:

Yes Emoticon those sticky boob bras!! LOL I have never tried them but maybe I should…I like the arm cuff she’s wearing and the necklace too

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:32am
259: Daria says:

from the other thread about dating after a breakup:

323: Unsure says:

Hello there,

Just want to have some thoughts on how soon can someone date after a break-up. Just broken up 2 months ago after almost a 4 year relationship. Was eyeing on internet dating to begin with but only for friendship…any thoughts?

Unsure

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:44pm

324: Rori Raye says:

Unsure – I know that most people say to hang with friends, cry it out, grieve…and I don’t like any rules. Anytime I did that, I ended up just as stupid and sad about love as I felt the day of the breakup. I say get out there and Circular Date and practice the tools – even if you’re crying in front of the cabbages in the market. This is the time to learn to be vulnerable and raw – in public. A huge opportunity to be more yourself instead of “perfectly put together.” Love, Rori

Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 4:47pm

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:33am
260: ulii says:

RE 253 Emerson

Wow! Wonderful dress!!!
But I know what you mean. I have the no-bra problem too. Well, not a problem… but yes…those nice little dresses that you can wear without a bra is not a best fit for me.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:33am
261: Emerson says:

256 lk
Yes balancing the boundaries and compassion…that’s what I want to be able to do….
I get super jealous and territorial

But I need to learn how to manage this.

OrangeCrushCD has kids and that means there is always an ex in the picture to deal with….and I’m not sure how to deal with that if we end up dating. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:35am
262: lk says:

omg i forgot my bra & i have to wear this white minidress to a casino tonight with cd & HIS MOTHER. wahhhhh

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:40am
263: Emerson says:

260 Ulii
I have several dresses sort of similar to this one and I end up wearing a strapless bra with them and can get away with that…

I am busty naturally and I feel sexy with my body that way!! But I think women who have littler boobs are super sexy too…like the model in this pic does not have huge ones…& I think she looks hot

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:42am
264: Emerson says:

I feel so tired and lazy today…it’s my day off but I want to get out there and enjoy the day for a bit. So see you on the blog a little later ladies I am going to practice five second smile which is so hard for me to do!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:44am
265: Brandylion says:

It just occurred to me, after reading someone’s comment above a while ago today about siren-ness attracting all men and not just the ones we want, is that I never felt bad about myself because AkronCD (the one with Asperger’s who is also suffering from depression and became instantly needy and clingy) was interested. I was more like, well, of course he’s interested in me; I’m amazing!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:47am
266: ulii says:

RE 264 Emerson

Enjoy your day!! The 5 second smile (or even look) is the hardest for me too! But yes, let’s practice, practice!!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:51am
267: Emerson says:

150 Emoticon I do remember you posting about that time you tweeted about the moth!! And how you got some interesting replies and it has inspired me to this day to be free and full of wonder and express it….and men do react very well to it! Thank you so much for sharing that…I still think about that story believe it or not cuz it was so cute!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:51am
268: Emoticon says:

awwww Emerson thank you. I remember posting on the blog about that last year. One of the guys stuck lol thats him.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:53am
269: R.N.AmazingMe says:

http://youtu.be/UgM-r1Ls0gc

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:53am
270: R.N.AmazingMe says:

So hello lady sirens!! Please check out video, it always hits a note for me. I had written a whole huge post because I needed advice and it somehow erased…grrrr

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:54am
271: lk says:

i’m just a baby & i just try & i forgive myself over & over again : ) i don’t get tired of it ! i love to forgive myself : )))) even i can forgive myself for feeling “guilty” in the first place ! : )))))))) go, go, lk ! don’t look around. you are just going forward rapidspeed oh, yes i am

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:58am
272: Emoticon says:

I feel so flattered and touched that Emerson remembered a story i posted so long ago

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:00pm
273: R.N.AmazingMe says:

So not going to repost! I would like to do some therapy on myself…Ok
WHat I do WANT:I want my family to love, forgive, and support me. Stop treating me like I am 13 when I am 32. My 3 kids are with me and I will always be greatful , money cant buy the appreciation how they helped me get through school. My mom and sister sat down and told me I was depressed and with the job transition yes it is hard but I am ok. I am happy more now than i have ever been in my life. My mom tells me in the convo I don’t do enough but dang what do they want from me. I clean after kids and me. She also told me she was tired of being angry so she had nothing left to say. She has been giving me the cold shoulder and see back in the day that would of worked because I did all I could to make her happy and proud of me and get her approval. Well it clicked I am done, burnt out, I am the one that needs to be the adult and make moves for my childen and myself, my decision and no guilt will weigh in onmy decisions anymore!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:04pm
274: Ella says:

Ulli re 227

Awww honni.

He sounds like a loser.

This fits well with the topic of the post which Rori has written about above… about not beating ourselves up with the law of attraction. And instead saying ‘it is a lesson I drew to myself’.

I also had a man a bit like that when I was dating…

Except he didn’t outright tell me to go away.

But he did keep saying how I was passing up the chance of a lifetime to be with him because I would not travel an hour to see him.

Errr, whatever dude.

He cycled back a few times but I just felt bored.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:19pm
275: R.N.AmazingMe says:

I just cannot bare the constant critisizing anymore, I am striving for happiness. Then there is my exCD, which I love all you sirens for your advice and Rori’s blog!I went out with this man on probably maybe 4 to 5 dates, heck maybe it was 3. I cannot remember I have known him since 2008/09. We talked so much on the phone, skpe, and online. I went out with him the first time to a sports pub, which I love. He told me I was way prettier in person that my pics didn’t do me justice. He opened doors for me and looked at me with those big beautiful eyes and its like for the first time a man really saw me and just made me feel as though I was the woman of his dreams. He then started talking about going overseas for some military deployment that he chose to take because It was an honor and would help him financially. See back then I was CDing like crazy!! Always had some man to keep me compnay and not sleeping with them all either.lol.I went to YBor to see him on his way one last time. I stayed the night and remembering him leaving early and I just layed in bed and cried. This was nothing I ever felt this feeling with any man before. I was in awe like what did this man do to me!!!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:23pm
276: Ella says:

There is also a no bra theme on the blog tonight!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:31pm
277: ulii says:

RE LK 262

I laughed a lot! …thanks
Yes…You think it is not decent to have your bra on going out with your cd’s mother?.. I once did go to a wedding without a bra, with a strking red dress with flowers on it..and almost bare back (even as with my bust it’s not too recomendable)…And I got told off by many older ladies there!.. Although, now rememebring…it makes me smile. As well all the men were looking at me a lot.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:33pm
278: ulii says:

RE 275

So beautiful story & so sad!

((((((R.N.Amazingme ))))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:38pm
279: Daria says:

Ever since I met you that day I haven’t stopped thinking about you.

I’m sorry I didn’t call that night ,

I freaked out.

I’m sorry I called you crazy.

Sorry I ran baby.

You deserve the best. You are so different from any other woman I’ve ever met.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:41pm
280: Starla says:

ohhhhhhh I hope everything is going to be okay.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:46pm
281: Arrowofthyme says:

Wow there are so many helpful, eye opening comments here right now. I feel so comforted here. Feminine woman: oh my gosh, I orall picked a phallic symbol for my blog name. I just thought I liked herbs and physics. But yes maybe taking photos of a man IS over functioning! Im a portrait and fine art photographer so it very well could be masculine energy seeping in to show how I cherish a man. I feel like I do it to cherish my own memories but I’m going to experiment with not doing that for a while.

I’m going to see how decide to feel guilt after a breakup. My perfectionist tendencies – that I could have done more to keep him. Ways I’ve made myself a victim. And I’m not going to ask why. and I’ll try to not judge my thoughts. I can’t wait to go home
Later and journal about this and eat banana bread and take a bath.

And. I’m going to keep circular dating even though there is a high possibility I will cry on one of these dates.

((((blog))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:47pm
282: Arrowofthyme says:

Wow there are so many helpful, eye opening comments here right now. I feel so comforted here. Feminine woman: oh my gosh, I orall picked a phallic symbol for my blog name. I just thought I liked herbs and physics. But yes maybe taking photos of a man IS over functioning! Im a portrait and fine art photographer so it very well could be masculine energy seeping in to show how I cherish a man. I feel like I do it to cherish my own memories but I’m going to experiment with not doing that for a while.I’ve already started an art project photographing couples who met on dating sites – ill
Keep that energy for art, not men.

I’m going to see how decide to feel guilt after a breakup. My perfectionist tendencies – that I could have done more to keep him. Ways I’ve made myself a victim. And I’m not going to ask why. and I’ll try to not judge my thoughts. I can’t wait to go home
Later and journal about this and eat banana bread and take a bath.

And. I’m going to keep circular dating even though there is a high possibility I will cry on one of these dates.

((((blog))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:51pm
283: R.N.AmazingMe says:

I was the one that ran at comittment and when we met and yes slept together, it was fine but I guess with school him being an hour away and being a busy mom. He a single dad pretty much figured why bother but he would always send me funny things through email and would always make me laugh. He would send me IM’s but I would never initiate because it wasnt like it was because I didnt like him I just didnt see a point to continue communication at that point. But I did continue to answer the emails and messages, we would have talks on phone. So this man made it clear he was interested and I thought you know Why not see where it all goes. Then when he was about to leave he was always counting the days down for when he had to leave. He left on January 31st, which is my birthday. I was sad to see him go but we said we would keep contact he knew how I felt about him but it seemed decided we wouldnt wait he would be gone a year. I cried the whole way home from Tampa that day and could not believe it. This man who I was going to write off like I do out of fear(I know now thanks to Rori). This mad got me good and my heart loved him so much, I didnt want anything, no money, no ring, no promises! I just knew I had to be in his presence and I wanted him in my life forever. I was processing so much because I was scared and what if it didnt work out. I totally went against all of my morals in some of this. I still continued to CD because I didn’t have a ring but he had my heart. Then like night and day something happened. He started being completely crude, rude, and plain mean. I kept dealing with it and would even cry and it seemed like I no longer knew him. It took me so long to get away from his treatment, love me more and know I do not deserve that. If what he showed me was and act then I was punked fell in love and jokes on me. Some of the things he would say like harping on my faults and enhancing my downfalls, he called it tough love…ummm no!!!! What finally helped me because I really thought there is no way he is not this kind of person, no the X I know. When I realized this was how he was I realized I fell in love with an actor. He does not exist. It hurts like heck everyday but it is easier because I really don’t know him. I miss my old X the one who made me feel like no other woman could fill my shoes….so sad sirens…Daria that is the first time I have told the most of the whole story!!!!@!…Thank you help me with advice, lilybelle, Daria, Ella, Emoticon…How do I do this I want to know it was like this pretend fairytale. I am starting work on the 12 of june so I figure i will meet new people…feeling sad

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:52pm
284: ulii says:

274 Ella

Thanks! Yes…actually I read the article completely after posting.. What a coincidence, but it really fits.

It is liberating to know that it is not me doing something WRONG or attracting this kind of men to me, but attracting the lesson.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:54pm
285: Daria says:

yay ! i “ate” tehe feeilng of anger in my body and it turned into sadness and crying! wooohooo

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 12:56pm
286: R.N.AmazingMe says:

This is going to sound sooo corny but I want a man to call or text me and actually care about how I am. I want a man to be so excited to share time with me. I want to go on vacations and talk about dreams and support eachother and even help to reach them. I want that feeling back, I deserve to be loved like that! I have learned sooooo much from all of you here, it is a true blessing. I know most woman want this type of man and sometimes I fear he does not exist. I mean yes I still have hope but you NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE MISSED UNTIL YOU NO LONGER HAVE IT!!!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:02pm
287: Mel says:

Mr A chuckled at a picture of me. The mice felt VERY defensive. They wanted to scream: “see what you look like after you’ve just run in a race!” but instead, I just got all quiet. And I felt what I was feeling. And it felt bad. Triggered. Consciously, I know that I’m beautiful, that HE thinks I’m beautiful, that the photo WAS actually quite funny. But the mice do not have logical brains. They remembered him brushing me off because of a photo. Him not “feeling attracted.” Bah! Now anger. I felt shaky and upset.

Him: “How are you feeling kitten?”

Me: “I feel frowny and sad.”

Him: “Why!?”

Me: “I feel afraid to say so, because I don’t want you to think you’ve done anything wrong…My conscious brain knows I’m being silly. But the mice are feeling all offended.”

Him: “Why?!”

Me: I felt all proud of my picture, but now I feel a little awkward and ugly and too “real” and I feel so nervous being judged on my appearance because I feel afraid that I won’t pass.

Him: The mice are telling you things that aren’t true.

Me: I know. But they can feel really sensitive sometimes and some insignificant thing floods them and disables their logic and they get stuck on their mouse wheels, going round and round. This is not the past, but their mouse brains react like it is.

Him: Awww….I deeply regret judging you on your photo before we met. I am SO lucky that you gave me a second chance because you are the most beautiful person inside and OUT! I can’t believe I almost blew it… and that I almost never got to meet you…. I didn’t mean to offend you…

Me: I know you didn’t. Sometimes I just need to just hear them out, let them say their piece… and telling you already makes them feel better. They just have tiny brains and big feelings.

Him: Tell the mice I love them.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:13pm
288: Starla says:

Something weird is happening right now. My heart is going dead, kind of. I can feel that if I don’t try to talk to CF this afternoon, that actually, I probably will be able to disconnect our energies..

I feel like I climbed to the top of a giant hill, and if I keep walking down the same path (not contacting him, just taking care of me) I will be walking down hill and on to something and someone else.

I feel scared to do this. I don’t want to disconnect from him. I have a strong feeling that I need to clear up the misunderstanding he has about my thoughts on ‘chasing’ in a relationship.

I feel sad. I don’t know what to do. If I don’t contact him soon, then it will be like I decided to break up with him in return now, and I never ever wanted to break up:(

I would cry in the bathroom but I put on sooo much eye makeup this morning, lol. At least I look cute:)

I may have to just let this all die. To honor my intentions of a ‘man fast’ or a ‘dating strike,’ I have to eliminate CF from the equation too, even if it’s just in my thoughts.

I don’t want to ‘kill’ our love. *I* don’t want to let it seem like I’m okay with it or that it’s what I want. I don’t want to tell the universe that I didn’t want it, or make it seem to him like I didn’t. I do want it.

But I think I just might. I just might let it die.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:14pm
289: lk says:

LOL Ulii.. thank you for the image of you carrying yourself high in a beautiful gown ! i will “channel” your party goddess if i feel scared : ))))))))

one of my favorite things to do is channel other ladies from the blog when i feel scared…… ((((women)))) thank you thank you thank you : ))))) hoorah !

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:14pm
290: lk says:

awww (((((mel))))) thanks for the juicy FM sharing : )

((((((((((starla))))))))))

(((((((daria))))))) i can’t wait to try “eating” something interesting soon : )))))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:17pm
291: Starla says:

I ‘should’ have just talked to him the next day when we broke up. Instead it took me 5 days to get my thoughts together, and all I could squeak out was that I was into him. I don’t blame him for not talking to me. I didn’t address his concerns ever and that was the reason he walked away in the first place.

I feel soooooooo lost. I don’t know right from wrong. I just know that my feelings for him are TRUE. They’re not defensive psychologically reactive lies I’m telling myself. I’m terrified I will lose something so precious and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Some of it is, in fact, all my doing! I don’t feel honest when we just say “oh it was all HIM.” Noo, some of it was definitely me!

What is UP with me, sh*t!!!!!!?

Any thoughts, sirens? FW, do you have any interest in sharing your opinions with me? If not, I understand.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:20pm
292: Daria says:

(((RN Amazing)))

you will feel wonderful again! we area learning we create the wonderful feelings from inside us…

they seem to come from the man but they don’t… the men just illuminate it inside us one time or a few …

then we can learn to wipe off the bulb and keep it lit forever

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:22pm
293: Mel says:

Keep walking Starla….

Perhaps breaking that energetic connection will allow both of you to fully heal.

And when he can feel that disconnect, perhaps it will inspire him to hop on the chair lift to come after you.

Or maybe better than that… it will allow the universe to bring you to that place she’s been nudging you for some time…

love ya!
xoxo

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:25pm
294: Starla says:

I feel sad. I can feel the candle going out.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:25pm
295: Starla says:

(((((((Mel)))))))))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:26pm
296: arrowofthyme says:

starla: light a candle for yourself. and maybe send light and energy to the person in your future who will fulfill you instead of the ex. this is what i’ll do tonight.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:31pm
297: Brandylion says:

I feel like a bad person. I just realized a small part of why I feel so good today is that, if I read between the lines correctly last night, PriestCD is dating his friend out of convenience. I feel bad that that makes me feel better about the situation.

I guess I feel relieved, in a way, that it’s not because she was actually a more attractive option. (And I don’t mean in terms of looks or anything.)

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:34pm
298: Starla says:

296 arrowofphallus (hehe sorry i’m juvenile)

that is a good idea:) I am going to do this too, thank you dear for the suggestion.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:35pm
299: Starla says:

297 brandylion
I personally feel turned off by guys who date women just out of convenience. I know it’s common, but it’s a turn off for me.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:36pm
300: Starla says:

Mel, I believe you are ‘right’

Also, I have a confession to myself and you ladies — i don’t want to go through all this self improvement and dating strike time if it doesn’t mean that i will be a better partner specifically for HIM in a few months when I come out the other side as a ‘new woman’.

i need to let him go 100% to do it for myself.

f*ck

(((((me))))))))

i really believe there was no right or wrong here. Contacting him and leaning forward would have been fine. Not contacting him and leaning back will also be fine. This is a case where whatever I do is “right,” and it’s not just about masculine/feminine roles.

Gosh, I really love me. I do!

I am really scared to let go of attachment to the outcome of getting him back in my life.

really really really scared

to me, that feels like not bothering to send in the missing supplemental materials on an incomplete admissions application to a dream school. To know I need to send the missing materials to complete the application and even BE in the running, but just not do it.

I hope I’m making sense.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:45pm
301: Sassy says:

Spamming so I won’t lean forward and text him. The non-siren sitting on my shoulder keeps coming up with things I could say in a text…most likely that he would ignore again anyway!!!! Arghhhh, but the siren on the other shoulder is telling me he’s so not worth me wasting precious, lovely brain cells and heart cells. I deserve better, I deserve love and respect and truth and honesty. He’s got a good heart, it’s just not pointed to me anymore. Feels sad.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:52pm
302: Starla says:

(((((((((((sassy)))))))))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:54pm
303: Silver Moonbeam says:

OK Sirens sick of the chit chat on POF and ready to do it, take it to the next level of phone calls……….but just don’t know how????????/

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 1:55pm
304: Brandylion says:

Starla, #299: Yeah, that is an icky thing to do. I wonder if my subconscious realized that as we were talking last night, and that’s why I began to feel better and better–the conversation really did free me from a stuck place, and it’s like I finally really *got* on a very deep level what a bad match he was for me.

He’s not a bad person, but boy is he a least a little confused and certainly sometimes clueless!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:00pm
305: Starla says:

SMB:
“Hey I’m feeling sort of burned out on online chatting. I’m at 555-555-5555:)”

That’s all it takes:)

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:01pm
306: Daria says:

:: Healthy Selfishness ::

Conventional thinking has it that if children get “too
much” of what they want, they’ll become narcissistic
adults who only care about themselves.

But this thinking is locked inside the box of the
“dominator paradigm,” where you “win” by exploiting,
excluding, or defeating others. Outside the dominator
box is PARTNERSHIP.

In partnership it’s understood that we’re all
connected, so *your* wins are *my* wins, and vice
versa. Children internalize partnership values
when their parents believe that Love is abundant.
Such parents tend to nurture generously and
unconditionally.

Younger children are naturally narcissistic. When
parents model the “healthy selfishness” of partnership
and don’t resist their children’s narcissism, the
children eventually learn that it feels good to care
for others.

Today, notice all the ways in which *giving* makes you
feel good, and how others feel good when you allow
them to give to you. Let the line between giving and
receiving dissolve. That’s the magic of partnership!

http://dailygroove.net/healthy-selfishness

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:02pm
307: Femininewoman says:

RE 286 RNAmazing I could have written that. It was not corny to me. I can even admit that I was offered that but the man did not look like my “type”. I am just accepting that the “lit up” feeling I get when I see my “type” actually comes from inside me and I can create it whenever and with whomever I want. Regardless of how he looks. I am also getting comfortable with the power in my words to make a man feel good about himself.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:12pm
308: Femininewoman says:

Brandylion we all have a stranger part of ourselves that we really don’t know. She is not a bad person just an unfamiliar person because most of the times we prefer to push her head down to hide her from the world. What you are doing is saying hello to her and welcoming her so you can truly know yourself. That is awesome. Maybe she even has an evil sounding laugh.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:18pm
309: Femininewoman says:

Brandylion we all have a stranger part of ourselves that we really don’t know. She is not a bad person just an unfamiliar person because most of the times we prefer to push her head down to hide her from the world. What you are doing is saying hello to her and welcoming her so you can truly know yourself. That is awesome. Maybe she even has an ev!!l sounding laugh.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:19pm
310: Ella says:

((((((RN Amazing Me)))))))

Awww honni. That sucks.

You might find some comfort in the post Rori wrote about dealing with an imaginary relationship.

I am glad this man showed himself as not able to step up for you… and you will find better.

Now you at least know what kind of treatment you do want (how he was at the beginning) its just he couldn’t sustain it.

This is not your fault.

So you will now find someone who offers you that AND more AND CAN sustain it.

Sending you some warm, loving vibes cus I have so been there…

And then MWC came along.

And even though the road has not been smoothed I feel so good and so loved and he cherishes me.

And I know it is to do with me… how I am now… and the fact that he is a good man.

So it feels great to have this with him… and I know even if I didn’t have it anymore I will always be ok and attract amazing love.

And so will you.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:21pm
311: Femininewoman says:

Aaawww Mel. Every time I read your stories I feel tears welling up in my eyes. So beautiful.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:24pm
312: Emerson says:

172 Radlove

I understand what you are saying but I have also learned that people will tell you what you want to hear and often are not really invested in your situation…regardless of what you told her about being at Tmobile store or what not and wanting to know if its a go or not….and she said yes…she probably was not even listening to your reasons for wanting to know, sorry to say and sorry to assume that.

Her day goes on as usual. She wants to meet her quota. Understand that these clerks/loan agents/whatever are trained to say YES and she probably honestly thought that it was true…and that is her bad if she was just lying to get you to bait and switch….

But again…not saying that people are inherintly “bad” but they are chronically “not invested” in something that does not affect them directly…so it goes back to buyer beware.

It’s not done till it’s done and the money is in my hands…I’ve had too many transactions in business go wrong this way COUNTING on someone’s WORD and wanting them to PAY for it or be proved that I am right has gotten me nowhere.

I’m not saying you did anything wrong, just be aware that people may not be intentionally out to deceive you but will be your “yes man” or “yes woman” as they’ve been trained to be…

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:38pm
313: Emerson says:

Radlove I feel bad for lecturing you but I’m lecturing myself too….I have to remind myself of this daily because I can be very trusting of what others tell me only to feel let down later….and then I pay the consequences.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:39pm
314: Starla says:

Things I can do for myself tonight:
-Run a couple of miles in my cute new gym clothes:)
-Light a candle a la arrowofthyme
-Take a relaxing shower and shave my legs so I can lay out by the pool tomorrow morning
-Buy some new beauty products online that I need while my favorite store is having a big sale
-Watch a movie
-Work on my translation blog

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 2:40pm
315: Emerson says:

313 Starla sounds like fun can I come over ? LOL ;P

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:01pm
316: Daria says:

((((Daria)))))

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:02pm
317: Daria says:

i feel guilty and sad writing that

guilty hearing nv “youre just spamming your name everywhere senslessly ‘defacing’ public property’

and sad

i dont really feel hugged i feel like dissociating as im writing that

it feels sad and disconnected

awww

(((me)))

i feel uncomfortable receiving the hugs

((Me))

it’s ok, you can come get a hug when you want to

you are free to play

you do NOT have to tolerate a hug when you don’t want to

awwww

that feels good

i feel sad

i feel hungry

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:05pm
318: Lizka says:

Hi Emerson!!

I’m happy I inspired you. Yeah our situations feel pretty similars. Same for me, but not because of work, just because it’s summer time and I want to hang out more and I’ve been calling everyone and I want to go back to independent me.

I don’t have much money this week so I might stay home this weekend, but it’s fine.

I stayed at work late and finished my things because I have no plans and it felt good to don’t have to rush and have time to be productive

So so far, the month of Do Something by yourself is going pretty well

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:10pm
319: Femininewoman says:

http://www.heartof2012summit.com/ty/index.php?TYID=11

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:14pm
320: LiliBee says:

288:

Hi Starla,

In the “Reconnect your Relationship” program, Rori says to disconnect completely from the relationship to be able to reconnect in the right way.

It worked for me. If I wouldn’t have disconnected completely, the wheel would have kept on turning the way it was…which was sucking the life out of me.
We broke up like 3x but never disconnected really, until he did something that I thought I could never forgive that made it “easy” for me to disconnect.

I used the time to really look at me and the whole relationship. I had enough time to really put it in perspective and see it all clearly.

So when I did see him again, I really had a strong connection to myself.
I felt good about myself and where I stood.
I felt strong and confident.

It feels like a fresh brand new relationship with a brand new man.
I’ve been feeling peaceful and happy since the disconnect even before I got back in contact with him and that feeling is still lasting.

Like all my other exes, he came back only once I was fine and happy without him.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:25pm
321: Starla says:

314 Emerson, yes of course:P

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:28pm
322: Starla says:

Lilibee, he wasn’t trying to keep in touch even minimally during that time? So he just poofed and re-appeared? I can’t keep the history straight cuz my memory stinks sometimes, I’m sorry! <3

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:31pm
323: Rebecca says:

Starla – I feel I SO know what you are going though. It’s the yearning and then the anger at the yearning. It’s just a never ending circle. I am going through it myself. I sobbed my heart out last night over my situation. I have never really done that before.

It is so painful. There is no easy answer.

I wonder if I am just lonely and vulnerble. The guy that I had a brief fling with made me feel important and special. Then, with a bat of an eye he took it all away from me. Or maybe I projected on him that he was my night in shining armour.

All I know is try and try again with people. Sometimes all it takes is a few good people in our life to truly love us and support us, and the rest, as they say, melts away. I dunno…

I am a very clueless person in relationships. I’m not sure if this will help or not… Grrrrr… I feel tense and apprehensive with my advice. I feel my stomach tighten…. I feel scared… Stiff neck… Stiff fingers typing…

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:33pm
324: Starla says:

Rebecca, your advice or even just words to relate feel wonderful, even if you think you’re clueless. <3

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:40pm
325: LiliBee says:

321:

Starla,

I hadn’t gotten 1 peep out of him in 1.5 months. Then he called me out of the blue wanting to see me.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:43pm
326: Starla says:

Thanks, Lilibee

I must say, I still feel shocked at that man’s turn around. Good for you to stand your ground. And good for him:)

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:46pm
327: Rebecca says:

Starla – I’m glad ((((starla)))))

As you like running could you join a club and run with other people?

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:47pm
328: Jenny says:

Ladies a little help.

CdJim texted me today:

“Hi, a little problem here. I have to work this weekend How typical. hugs”

This is what I thinking of write:
“Hi. Feels good to hear from you, it is appreciated. I feel a little sad, I was looking forward to meet. Feels calm, there will be more cccasion. It may be possible to meet anyway. What do you think?”

Any thoughts?

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:50pm
329: Starla says:

WHERE IS MEMULO????????

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:51pm
330: Starla says:

take off this part, Jenny “Feels calm, there will be more cccasion. It may be possible to meet anyway. What do you think?” It’s directing in disguise.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:54pm
331: Rebecca says:

I’ve lost so many things in my life, that I fear loss all the time. It terrifies me. Loss in friendships almost as much as relationships..

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:54pm
332: Daria says:

who wants to cry about making a man the center of my life and becoming a woman through heartbreak?

i did

: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb-Z9gJJz9A

*song*

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:56pm
333: Starla says:

This alone is beautiful, really. very beautiful, raw feeling, not too much, not confusing, not you trying to control any outcomes

“Hi. Feels good to hear from you, it is appreciated. I feel a little sad, I was looking forward to meet.”

you did great writing this:)

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:56pm
334: Daria says:

it reminds me of Coco Kisses

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:56pm
335: Daria says:

and Radlove

and me

*cries*

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:57pm
336: Rebecca says:

Aaagghhh I am feeling clingy and desperate.. I feel my heart racing… I feel panic.. I feel fear… Argghhh

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:57pm
337: Jenny says:

Starla – yes you are right…I want to meet him Just say thanks to him for sending the sms – even if it took him more 1, 5 day so give thanks for the sms, and Fm about not meeting. That is all.

Hmm what about:
“Feel calm, I understand” – I mean I’m not angry at him for needing to work

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:58pm
338: Starla says:

Rebecca, me too. I lost my parents, my closest friends, my loves… to make things worse, they didn’t die on me. They just chose to leave me.

But, honestly, I am starting to think maybe there’s no such thing as “loss” except when people die or move away. Instead, this might just be me feeling abandoned.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 3:59pm
339: Lizka says:

I have my two feet in warm soapy water, giving myself a royal feet treatment and a pedicure. I feel like a princess and I’m happy to be able to make myself feel like this

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:02pm
340: Daria says:

these tears i cry

sure wont be the last,

they will not be the last…

this pain inside

never seems to pass

never seems to pass me by

so i thank you

yes i thank you…

for makin me a woman

sometimes i wonder

could she be more fo a woman to you

than you are a man to me

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:02pm
341: Starla says:

336, you are trying to make it ‘okay’ by adding that you understand. You’re obviously not angry, you already thanked him for the message and said you appreciate it.

GIRL, YOU ARE SO WORTHY! You don’t have to ‘buffer’ your fm’s of disappointment with understanding.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:04pm
342: LiliBee says:

325:

I practically have to beat him off with a stick now, lol

He couldn’t run away from me fast enough in the past, now he stick like glue.

He had to leave for work an hour ago, and he clung. He couldn’t stop talking to me.
We both drove off at the same time, then he calls me 5 minutes later.
Every time we leave each other, for any amount of time, he clings, and it takes almost an hour just to say goodbye.

He was that way when I 1st dated him. But it scared me to death and I felt suffocated…until he took that away for a whole 1.5 years

He’s back to being clingy, and I am so enjoying it! I don’t feel suffocated at all now! I even looove it! It feels soft and cushy

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:04pm
343: Rebecca says:

Starla – either way – someway along the line I wonder if we have both learned to blame ourselves. That we somehow did something wrong. And then things become like a chain reaction. Loss, abandonment, grief. It’s all the same thing really. It’s mourning something that you had, and that you lost. I read once that life is all about loss, even deciding what pair of shoes to wear and I think about that now. I’m not sure if that helps or makes any sense.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:07pm
344: LiliBee says:

338:

Awesome Lizka I need to get me one of those footbaths.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:08pm
345: Jenny says:

..I’m maybe too used to men who dont belive me when I’m say I’m fine – that I need to overprove I’m ok.

You are so right. Still learning

So now I’m stuck on wich swedish word for sad to use..got some to pick from

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:10pm
346: Starla says:

Aw, I feel so moved reading that there are many words for “sad” in swedish. Makes me want to learn!

CF was starting to learn swedish. I made him a construction paper valentine in swedish, hehe. That was awesome of me.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:12pm
347: Jenny says:

Hmm well for me it mostly feel frustrating…the same go for the word “good”

Hmm what about use the word disappointed insteed of sad?

I’m feeling a little against it since it feels too much…but on the other hadn there is just one word for it in swedish, compare to sad :/

In swedish, according to goole translate…there is many, 9 of them. :O I only write those two I’m considering:

1: wich means: sorry, sad, upset, dumpish
2: wich means; sad, suburban, dull, tiresome, gloomy, dreary

Argh…wht cant things be more easy

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:25pm
348: lilybelly says:

283:

((((((RN)))))))

I feel sad that you are feeling sad but you know what? It is so okay to feel sad…to really feel it and do whatever it is you have to do to get it out.

I remember telling Mel to get in her shower when she was so angry and throw eggs at the wall. I wanted her to take her anger outside and beat the hell out of the ground with something (I did that once with a golf club on the side of my garage..and it felt good…and then I collapsed in sheer and utter grief but damn, it was healing).

I don’t really see the need to try to “suck it up” when we feel sad and pretend like we are okay when all we really want to do is have a good cry. It’s ok..it’s really ok to do so. It is the only way to feel and heal.

And when you are done..you put some Prep H under your eyes, doll yourself up and do nothing but love on yourself.

He showed you what kind of man you wanted…at least in the early stages; how you wish to be treated and even if it wasn’t him, it was a valuable lesson. Something for you to put in your vortex. THAT treatment is what I desire.. Yes please and thank you. Let go of the end treatment after you purge yourself, it will serve no other purpose moving forward. FW taught me to love myself at every turn…Starla reminds me of that almost daily…and I can’t walk past a mirror any more without at the very least, winking at myself.

And with practice, one day you wake up and you actually think you may have something there. You start to believe that you ARE worth it, that you ARE beautiful and that you CAN have everything your heart desires.

The first step is Faith..in yourself and a deep knowing that no matter what, you will be okay.

I know you will.

So let it out..
xoxo

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:29pm
349: Jenny says:

..ok I go with sad, since it feels more right – and since it was my first word.
If I keep thinking wich FM word is the best…then I’m way up in my head.
Disappointed is just a sad feeling…
So sending, even if it is darn late here in sweden. And the man is probery sleeping already

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:37pm
350: LiliBee says:

I keep noticing how much I’ve healed.

Situations that used to trigger me all the time for years…still come up, but the triggers don’t.
When I notice, I feel weird, curious, a little disoriented.
I ask myself “where’s the trigger? Woohoo! Where are you trigger?”
What used to make me feel tense, heat rising to my face, now feels cool and breezy.
I wonder where the tension stiff feelings went.
I miss the familiarity of them, I sit there waiting for them to come back, and they don’t.
All that’s there is feeling light, airy, cool, breezy, quiet.
Then when I realize the stiff tension hot feelings are not coming, my heart starts to feel warm.
I feel tingling on top of the warmth, then the tingling travels up to my face and I smile instantly.
My face feels alive in expression, like a light bulb lighting up brightly.
A switch is turned on in my heart and the energy travels up to light up my face
My body feels soft and relaxed all over.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:42pm
351: Lizka says:

Lol Lili, it’s not a foot bath. It’s one of those thing to wash the dishes that I got for 1$ at the dollar store. I just filled it up with water and soap and olive oil and then I exfoliate my feel and they’re like new

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:46pm
352: LiliBee says:

348:

Lilybelly,

I hope many sirens see your post, read it completely and soak it in.
You said it so well.
What you describe is exactly how I got to healing so many old triggers and feel so good as I do now.

Bless you for posting it

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:49pm
353: LiliBee says:

351:

lol, then to Dollarama I go tomorrow morning, my little sunshine!

…to make the most out of my pedicure to make my feet pretty for sandal wearing all vacation week next week!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 4:52pm
354: Jenny says:

I feel a littel giggle and sad right now.

Was posting for word advice in a swedish forum

And one female wrote:

“I wouldnt use neither sad or disoappointed. Why not use something more artless (naturally) as “”Aww what a shame…:(”

And I was like – well yes it say the same thing, but not really..it is not a FM in there, not how I feel – just what I think. Big difrrent.

Adn I felt sad for all those females who dont dare/can speak feelings…I used to be one of them. In my learning journey I have started to see how much men crave for females who are honest about their feeling. The RR way.

And I have been very honest with CDjim about my feelings, so not write it in FM, feels soo wrong.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 5:05pm
355: LiliBee says:

I’m seeing in my mind D’s happy relaxed face he’s had on for the past month.
I’m feeling warmth wrapping my heart.
I feel the tingling travelling up my throat down my arms and up my face…there’s my warm, glowing smile again

I feel wonder and amazement.
I feel awe when I look at how open I’ve let myself become, to receive what I’ve always wanted my entire life and always felt I was not worthy.

I’m soaking in the good feelings coz I ‘feel’ worthy of them now.
I don’t feel the urge to overfunction and chase anymore coz I don’t feel I need to ‘prove’ my worthiness, I just ‘feel’ my worthiness.
No one gave this feeling to me, I gave it to myself.
It feels rooted from within me.

I’m 42 years old, and I’ve been praying for this feeling all my life.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 5:06pm
356: lilybelly says:

352:

Awww, thank you, LiliBee….thank you.

I still have work to do, but I understand that it is one step at a time and most certainly, is not a race to the finish line. It is a life time commitment to love oneself in such a manner.

I still have triggers (the stories that I can still make up in my head from time to time, can be box office hits) but I am learning and healing and growing.

And as long as I continue to love myself, remain committed to myself and take care of myself along this path..I will be okay. I don’t have to be that person again. YAY ME!!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 5:07pm
357: Emerson says:

Jenny for the word sad I wonder if you could use ledsen or vemod…but the latter sounds a bit dramatic…and the former, ledsen sounds like I’m crying
I am feeling curious what word you used…

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 5:30pm
358: Emerson says:

Yay Jenny for sticking with your feeling messages…

I still freeze up soemtimes when talking to man in FM an it feels akward, but afterwards I’m always glad I did it
1. because I feel that I was true to myself
2. it feels authentic coming out of my mouth
3. the reaction I get from the man feels better/more authentic

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 5:32pm
359: LiliBee says:

356:

Lilybelly,

“I don’t have to be that person again”.

I feel a little twinge of sadness reading that sentence.
The compassion is missing for how you were.
You were the best you knew how at the moment.
I feel rejected when I reject my former self.
She’s still part of me, I just got to know her real well, accepted her the way she was and showed her love and compassion.
Now she’s quiet and calm and no longer fights to dominate, coz all she needed was love, acceptance and compassion.

What would it feel like to say “I was learning, I did the best of my knowledge then, as a growing child does. With what I’ve learned since, I have grown into a more mature version of myself. I feel proud of that growth.”

In the past, my emotional growth was stunted at 7 years of age.
So emotionally, I was still that 7 year old little girl.
I would always show love, acceptance and compassion to any other 7 year old child.
Blaming myself and feeling angry at myself (rejecting myself), was me being that way with a 7 year old.
My inner 7 year old desserved as much as any other 7 year old. She desserved my compassion to teach her what she needed to help her grow emotionally.

I don’t mean to be preachy, but it helps me to go there again to root that learning very deeply.
That realization has been priceless to me.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 5:35pm
360: LiliBee says:

Spamming the blog right now coz I’ve missed hanging around with you sirens so much!

I’m getting a whole weekend of me time.
It feels so good, I look forward to it
I can’t believe I actually feel glad that D is busy all weekend.
He’s working the evening shift, then getting up super early for an all day golf tournament with his hockey team and his dad. He’s working a 12 hour shift on Sunday.

He asked me if I was OK with this weekend.
I said I’ll be busy packing and I look forward to have you all to myself for a whole week, so I feel good sharing you for this weekend

I’ve seen him every evening this week, and we’ll be alone together 8 straight days 24 hours a day starting Monday night.

We take the plane on Tuesday. He said “I don’t work on Monday, so it would be great if you could get off work early.”
OMG!!! The guy who couldn’t push me away far enough before! We already have a whole week together, and here he is asking for an 8th!!!

I can’t say it enough: Rori knows what she’s talking about! It all works!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 6:07pm
361: Brandylion says:

A friend just posted on Facebook:

When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.

OOOOHHHH, I like it!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 6:32pm
362: Emerson says:

361 Brandylion
“like”

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 6:33pm
363: LiliBee says:

I need to share this healing:

I went through the same exact situation many times pre-healing, and 2x post-healing.

PRE-HEALING:

He finally stops running around the house getting his stuff done at the end of the evening.
I feel neglected and ignored.
He says in a serious ‘I mean it’ stiff eyebrows pressed down look “I’m exhausted, I’m getting to bed real early and sleeping!”

My NVs would go internally ‘that means no s3x. I wonder if he’s mad at me. Maybe he would like me to go sleep at my place.’
I would go to bed, kiss him good night, turnover and wonder what I did wrong.
I would feel stiff, tense, worried and angry at him for being so cold.
I would sleep with my back to him.
I woke up in the morning to him jumping out of bed without a single look at me.
I felt sad at his coldness. No kiss, no hug, no ‘have a good day’, just the front door closing.

POST-HEALING:

He says in a serious ‘I mean it’ stiff eyebrows pressed down look “I’m exhausted, I’m getting to bed real early and sleeping!”

ME: “Me too, I feel so sleepy, I feel myself drifting off already. yawn :O ” NVs are nowhere to be found.

I open the covers to join him in bed and notice he’s not wearing his usual boxers and say “ooh, you’re nak3d! ”

HIM: “It doesn’t mean anything : ! ”

ME: Still no NVs in sight, I take off my cami and pj pants and throw them accross the room.
Then I lay back, spread my arms open (receiving position) and say “I’m naked, but it doesn’t mean anything.”
I did what I felt like spontaneously, I didn’t plan it and didn’t care about the outcome.

HIM: lolololol

He was aaall over me and we had alot of fun
I woke up in the morning to a kiss, a hug and a ‘have a good day baby .

THE DIFFERENCE: Absence of fear and feeling worthy of fun and affection.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 6:37pm
364: LiliBee says:

361:

Brandylion: I like!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 6:41pm
365: Radlove says:

T-Girl –

188 – Thank you! I copied it down. I am getting a better relationship with money all the time! I just have a ways to go! Sounds like a good one!

Yay! I got the loan! And double yay, because I TOTALLY implemented Operation Feeling Messages with the loan officer!!! I feel so proud of myself! In the past, I would have been loud, angry, and snapping at her. Today, I used all of Rori’s tools! I leaned back, talked softly and calmly, and I said stuff like this:

I feel confused: I have provided more than sufficient documentation to establish both my identity and my residency. I don’t understand what piece of information is still needed. I kept the tension out of my voice, using Rori’s visualizations of me being a mermaid, and envisioning myself walking out of the office with the loan check!

I explained how I stated when I called from T Mobile that I specifically was calling so I could gauge how much to spend on a phone. I said I would have bought the $25 phone if I had been told (not “if YOU had told me”) there was no final decision yet. I was NOT irresponsible spending half my rent money on a phone. I can NOT NOT pay my rent on time. I can NOT get evicted. Please help me. Please work with me. I am doing my best to work with you. I stayed up til 1 am searching for the document.

At first she gave me the broken record, that only specific documents were acceptable. I continued to negotiate using feeling messages and I want/can’t/don’t want to, etc messages.

Finally she said, “Just a minute.” She called her supervisor and talked privately in another room. She came back out, saying a different document would be usable.

I thanked her very politely, leaving out all the indignation that with which I would have been dripping in the past.

It ended with Rori’s “Be surprised!” part…

As I walked out the door, the loan officer said, “Good luck, sweetie!”

I thought, “Sweetie?? No one has EVER called me that after a tense situation like this before!” I felt soooo happy that I felt confidently equipped with Rori’s tools! They work!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 6:59pm
366: LiliBee says:

287:

Mel,

“tell the mice I love them”.

I feel so mushy wushy jelloey reading he said that.

He is too adorable

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:01pm
367: Brandylion says:

Radlove #355: I feel happy for you!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:16pm
368: Brandylion says:

Oops, #365!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:17pm
369: Francesca says:

Radlove, yay! I feel so proud of you, good work, siren!

I’m getting a happy feeling from today’s blog, I feel sad I couldn’t join you, I missed you all today, couldn’t go online at work at all.

Anyway, been reading a bit since I got home and will read more tomorrow.

I got to go to bed now, feeling tired. Had a good day but my neck hurts.

Good night!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:19pm
370: Starla says:

I ended up meeting a girl friend for a celebratory drink and it felt good overall. It felt bad to hear her talk about her new guy who is really into linguistics and speaks German. CF is really into linguistics and speaks German. Ah well. I thought I’d stay for another beer and some food, but I could sense that the alcohol and the environment was pulling me backwards mentally and emotionally. So I left after 1 beer saying I needed to get to the organic grocery store before it closed. I still feel a little tipsy because I’m a lightweight, but when I sober up in a few minutes here, I’m gonna get my butt in my workout clothes and run a couple of miles on the treadmill in the apartment complex gym.

I almost abandoned myself, ladies! *almost*. But I didn’t. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I love myself too much.

I think in the past I would have stayed out and just gotten totally drunk and maybe pigged out on some fried foods. Which is VERY FUN! One of my favorite things to do is get drunk and eat fried foods:). But it’s not what I need right now. I need to focus on my healthy intentions. Numbing myself with alcohol and food only works for a few minutes, and then I feel even worse emotionally! No thank you, not for me!

Ahhh I feel scared and brave all at the same time! I feel so surprised and pleased with how well I take care of myself and make healthy, happy choices.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:22pm
371: Radlove says:

R initiated texting me…we are texting right now. I feel happy.

Of course all my resolve went out the window.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:33pm
372: Daria says:

im seeing how much ‘game’ guy who had, which made women and peaople interested in him

i even saw him doing it

he would like, read an article, and then ASK a person about it, really get interested in that person and what they had to say…

not the usual, i mean with curiosity

this is a skill one can learn

also touching lightly

and the ‘eye gaze’

as well as the ‘stance’

hehe

these are all skills Rori teaches actually! the feminine form of them

no wonder he had so many women interested

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:49pm
373: Radlove says:

At first R was asking me about general how are you doing what’s new stuff. Now he has asked me twice how are you feeling?

Please understand, I have found feeling messages are a dangerous place for me to go with this man, especially via text. He is a toxic man.

The first time I ignored it, and the second time I said fine.

I feel unsure how to segway into saying I would rather talk about anything personal like my feelings on the phone or in person. Feeling vulnerable after getting too intense with him recently.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:53pm
374: Starla says:

Radlove, sorry to butt my nose in, but I don’t think R has a problem with feeling messages. I think he has a problem with the intensity/volume of them that you’ve presented to him.

something kinda like “actually feeling quite lovely and taken care of by god and the universe right now, thank you for asking:)” would be fine. And then I’d set the phone down and remind myself that i don’t want to get wrapped up in talking to him period and focus on something to take care of me:)

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 7:57pm
375: Radlove says:

Starla,

Thank you!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:01pm
376: Starla says:

and i’m loving how you were so focused on yourself today and the loan thing, you probably weren’t even worried about him at all today, and so he initiated.

magic energy

a lil creepy lol and very cool!

voting for yourself works wonders.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:05pm
377: Radlove says:

Starla,

376 – Right on! I was thinking about him, but I was more thinking about K! I saw him today for the first time since Christmas! I felt more connected to him than ever! He is completely out of the dog house after being an absolute in love sweet heart!

I see so much growth in my relationship with R, as a result of the shift after 12 years, using Rori’s tools this past year or so more and more! I feel heard!!! He is really showing his best side and I’m ….smitten! LOL!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:20pm
378: Radlove says:

CORRECTION:

This was supposed to say:

I see so much growth in my relationship with K (not R), as a result of the shift after 12 years, using Rori’s tools this past year or so more and more! I feel heard!!! He is really showing his best side and I’m ….smitten! LOL!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:22pm
379: Starla says:

That’s awesome, Radlove. I feel excited about that smitten energy carrying over to attract more readily available men on the “outside”. Woohoo

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:48pm
380: Emoticon says:

one CD just said : would love to introduce u to my mom but if i introduce u as a close friend and not a gf it might be interpreted wrong.

for some reason that made me smile

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:57pm
381: Coco Kisses says:

Sirens……(((((((SIRENS))))))

It feels soooo good to write to you all. Any momentary negarivity has vanished. When I have time I will go back through the thread to see what’s up with u all individually. ME…I am opening up my own Brow & Nail Salon!!!!! Got the keys last week, and got approved for my state license MONDAY!!!! THings are falling into place and it feels good. I do sometimes feel mad with my soon to be ex husband, for how he treated me during our marriage, but over all I feel grateful that I learned so many positive things about myself. This week in particualr I’ve been feeling mad and want to write him a letter expressing my anger, which I did, but did not send it off. My counselor (who is a man, who specializes in helping women to become 100% emotionally available) told me that in order to heal, that I should cut off ALL contact, except what is necessary for the divorce, and that even that should be done via email. I will admit, I feel much better not having any communication with him…what do u guys think???

Love ya – Coco

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 8:57pm
382: Emoticon says:

Radlove

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:08pm
383: Emerson says:

Ive really been wanting to contact RecycledCD this week and take him up on a favor he offered…I actually do need help with this and I don’t feel close enough to my other new CDs to ask…

Hmm debating if I should call him.

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:21pm
384: Starla says:

The treadmill in the gym happened to be broken! And there was someone else already using the working one. So I decided to run in the neighborhood. I decided to just run a certain route I had in mind around 1 time, not even knowing how far it is (but figured about a mile) but when I got back to my starting point, I didn’t at all feel like stopping! So I ran it AGAIN! And I could have kept going, but it was getting late, and I didn’t want to accidentally over-do it because I’m too high from endorphins to notice I am going to hard. Then I got home and looked up the distance, and I ran 2.75 miles! I usually run 2 on the treadmill, but it turns out I can effortlessly run significantly more! I had no idea I could do that. I’ve only been running regularly for a week or so. I guess I could run a 5k (3.1 miles) any day now. Maybe I should set some speed goals and go for it. Cool!!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:24pm
385: Emerson says:

leaning baaack…

I did talk to OrangeCrushCD earlier today (he called me) but he has yet to solidify a time to meet….I like talking to him though…I actually feel kinda turned on when I see his name or when I talk to him hee hee!!!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:27pm
386: Emerson says:

Starla=Rock Star

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 9:27pm
387: Starla says:

Thanks, Emerson!

It would feel fun to pick out really cute running clothes for a 5k and just check it out and see how it feels. Wow I feel amazed that this is even a casual option for me, haha, I am getting to be in really good shape:D

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:11pm
388: Emerson says:

Emerson=making up excuses to call RecycledCD
(although I COULD *really* use his help right now)

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:17pm
389: Emerson says:

I tried practicing 5 second smile today but I didn’t do too well…gawsh it’s just akward!!!!!!

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:20pm
390: Jenny says:

357 @ Emerson
and
358 @Emerson

Yes I have learned the hard way – allways tell what I’m feeling.

Some month ago I didnt do that to an CD…I totelly went cold on him, since I was feeling fear and afraid for my feelings. He havent contacted me since it…and I’m so sorry for not being honest to myself.

So I see it as leason; allways stay true to myself.

Hmm yeah, I’m havent yet sent it…but I’m going for “ledsen” or maybe “besviken” oh and the word Little in front – since it aint a big feeling…just a little sad

Friday, 1 June 2012 @ 11:40pm
391: Jenny says:

I went with disepointed…and now sent

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 12:08am
392: Starla says:

I signed up for very early morning sessions at the gym next to my job. This should do wonders for my rough mornings. For one thing, I won’t have the luxury of lying in the bed feeling worried about CF “stuff,” because I’ll have to get right out of bed and get into my gym clothes and get on the train downtown. And for another thing, working out might be really good for releasing endorphins at that time of day.

It just might be totally possible to start having GOOD days from start to finish:)

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 12:12am
393: Emerson says:

392 awesome Starla!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 12:20am
394: Jenny says:

392 Feels good starla: you get two bonus…you get something to do the make the inside boy happy…and you take care of yourself.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 12:23am
395: Starla says:

Thank you so much for the support, ladies:) I am truly changing my life. I can’t believe it!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 12:27am
396: Starla says:

I am here for me and that feels really good.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 12:31am
397: Emerson says:

391 Jenny
sounds good….

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 12:57am
398: Emerson says:

“Is your man willing to risk everything for you?”

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:02am
399: Emerson says:

I’m thinking about getting love scripts…

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:10am
400: Jenny says:

…I feel so tired at myself…why cant I just see the good things.

I mean he did send me and sms – even if it was to tell me he have to work this weekend

My NV is runing wilde; “Yeah right, he is online on msn right now” “He is just saying that, since he dont want to meet you”

…and I’m angry at myself for even thinking those thoughts – I eman I have a good feeling inside my body, why cant I just listen to that, inteed of going with my NV

I mean – I wouldnt even bother to send an sms if he was not intrested. So why not jsut focus on the good things.

I might be on “Stnad by”…or going soon or…whatever – all that matter is that he did send an sms; i rather have a man who tell me he cant see me, then one who never tell me.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:15am
401: Jenny says:

haha – a man what angry ppl is at me on the swedish forum for writing “I feel a little disepointed, I was looking forward to meet” to this man.

All is saying:
“You cant say taht, he will be afraid”
“Sounds like you are trying to give him guilty feelings, why not just say…”ok, it will be mre chances”

and so on and on – and I cant agree with any of them. IF he cant take I’m feeling disepointed…then that is HIS problem.

I eman I’m in my right to feel disepointed even if I understand he need to work.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:28am
402: Emerson says:

Wow Jenny, I feel so impressed and happy that you are breaking out of that stifled mindset of not expressing ourselves fully and genuinely….
I think it is common in the Swedish culture not to “make waves” and just go with the flow…not make anyone “feel bad’….whatever that means….my family is like this…GOD FORBID you actually speak your feelings…(although I love them dearly)

I feel so happy reading what you write…it’s inspiring.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:31am
403: Jenny says:

yeah
I know what they mean – I really do. But I also know, if I cant speak my feelings with this man who I like , even if it feels scary – then I’m dishonest to myself again.

yeah there is a chance he feel bad about the sms, about he need to work. I also know I want to give him my understanding and not being angry at him for working.

I agree with Starla about it; There is no anger in it, I have said thanks for him contacting me…mm I’m now thinking maybe I should have written something positive at the end.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:43am
404: Ella says:

Good Morning Sirens.

I am feeling good this morning.

Started my day with some fresh strawberries and cream – Ummmm

So yesterday MWC relationship requested me on FB… he also removed the offending post from his ex from his FB page and he sent her a message saying thank you very much but it didn’t feel right for him to accept he gift she left him as he is with someone else now… and would she collect it when she collects the dog.

She sent him one back saying ‘You need to grow up! That gift was to say thank you for your help with …. (something about sorting out the problem with the bank account)’

We left it at that.

It felt weird hearing about it but it felt good that he is protecting and cherishing our relationship.

Oh and he said he is already on it regarding closing down the joint account. He is going into the bank next week.

So that is that and I feel a little weird still but very pleased with how he sorted it out… and kinda a bit defensive of him when she told him he needs to grow up!

That is not my experience of him at all.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 2:32am
405: LiliBee says:

392:

Starla, you always find a way to take good care of yourself. Awesome

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:02am
406: Francesca says:

Ella, “you need to grow up” sounds icky to me too.

I even said it out loud, in a sarcastic tone when I read that. :/

Does this woman have any pride left at all?

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:21am
407: Francesca says:

Jenny, I don’t feel like you should’ve added anything else than what you already wrote at the end of your message.

It all sounded fine to me.

Remember that less is more.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:22am
408: lilybelly says:

359:

I have mucho compassion for myself and have experienced much healing for my girl at all stages of her life.

We ALL are always doing the very best we can at any given moment..the very best we know how. This is something that I say often…and one of the truest statements ever said or heard. And it is in that thought that forgiveness, on many levels, has occurred. For myself and for others.

xoxo

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:38am
409: LiliBee says:

408:

Lilybelly

That feels good to read.
I can’t read it often enough, and repeat it often enough to keep myself in it.
It feels soothing every time.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:14am
410: Lucy says:

Do any sirens live in Denmark?

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:19am
411: Radlove says:

Starla,

379 – “That’s awesome, Radlove. I feel excited about that smitten energy carrying over to attract more readily available men on the “outside”. Woohoo

Thank you! I have three CDs right now on the “outside”, all of whom I have not met yet. There is Vintage, CO, and Friar, who I may be meeting today. Yorkie faded out of the picture again, for no apparent reason.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:21am
412: Radlove says:

Daria,

372 – “im seeing how much ‘game’ guy who had, which made women and peaople interested in him”

Zan Perrion also teaches that to men…I wonder if guy who listened to him?

That is the same attraction I feel for R, because he listens so darn well and asks questions about what I am telling him.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:28am
413: Femininewoman says:

Ella like lilybelly says she is doing her best. That is her way of expressing her appreciation though it might be crossing your boundary. Maybe if it was someone else with MWC it would not be a problem as they might have another boundary for that relationship. Which in my opinion would not make it wrong. This is honoring your feelings though and the relationship that you want to build. Please bear in mind though that some day the tables will be turned and that he might need to establish a boundary around a situation with someone from your past.

Her telling him to grow up seemed very masculine to me and though all of us could always use some maturing in life I am wondering if your feeling around being defensive of him was your mind taking the statement personal seeing you were influential in the outcome. Just some thoughts………

Also as I type MWC I remembered the meaning of the acronym and again felt some tightening up in my head around it. In other words wondering when is he going to transform into someone like “my sweetie”.

Sorry if I come across as butting in or telling you as I am feeling a bit introspective wondering when am I going to surrender into a relationship.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:28am
414: Radlove says:

Lucy,

410 – I think Jenny does.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:28am
415: LiliBee says:

Starting to get ready for the big vacation trip with D.

Packing personal hygene items.

I’m starting to feel nervous.
I feel relieved that I get the whole weekend to myself to get my place clean and pack, all on my own time.

I feel nervous about being at the airport, going through security and customs.
We have a short layover to switch planes.
I anticipate how nervous and stressed I’ll feel to run to find the luggage and the gate.
At the same time, I feel excited and happily thrilled to go on an adventure with my main man.

He said to me “being together 24/7 will be a real test of our relationship”
I don’t feel worried about that.
I’m looking forward to being in the moment, having fun and relaxing…paying attention to my feelings and expressing them.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:29am
416: Radlove says:

Ella,

404 – Congratulations!!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:32am
417: Radlove says:

My conversation with R was very positive last night. After we had texted for a half hour or so, I kept letting the conversation drop, to keep him initiating. He texted, “What would you like to talk about?”

I said, “I would feel ok to talk on the phone.”

He immediately called me, and hearing his voice was like hearing the gurgling of a stream over rocks after walking for hours with nothing to drink!

He said he is doing far better, and I could hear it in his beautiful voice! We talked about how we both are finding it productive to choose positive thoughts and words, and to keep a positive attitude.

Then once again he got into how are you feeling, about our friendship. I told him I feel really embarrassed about my behavior, and that he’s seen me at the worst of my worst. I said I feel vulnerable, because I don’t know what you think of me at this point, if you’re disgusted with me.

He said, “Yeah, I’m pretty much keeping my distance.” I forget exactly how he worded it.

I said, “I don’t want to turn you off. But I find myself doing it so you push me away, because I don’t seem to have the self control to keep myself away. And I know that’s not healthy, and I”m really sorry, and I’m really working on myself. I am learning to give compassion to my weak parts, and I hope you would be willing to do the same. I really don’t kike my behavior when I act like that, I’m making a lot of progress tho, and I’m feeling more deep inner shifts.”

He didn’t comment much, just kept asking questions, like, “What kind of shifts?” I didn’t say much more on the topic, because it felt like dangerous ground. I just went back into positive talk about life and how beautifully God’s taking care of me and how far I’ve come.

I feel very happy because we were on the phone a long time – I lost track – I am guessing 30-45 min. And that told me he hasn’t left my life altogether, and that feels really good.

I think I am going to try to keep texting to a minimum from now on and just not sure how to stay on safe ground, but I”m going to try. Because I really like him in my life.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:36am
418: Femininewoman says:

Jenny I personally don’t like saying “I am looking forward to meeting you” anymore. Reason being, to me, it reeks of “I am thinking about you until we meet because I have no life and nothing better to do”. I tend to prefer something like I feel disappointed but will use the opportunity to go enjoy blah blah blah with my girlfriend or kids.

At the end of the day though the proof is in how he reacts to the statement. That could help guide you in how to handle something like that in future. Remember to experiment with different things and stay curious, both about yourself and the other person.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:37am
419: Jenny says:

414 and 410.
No I’m living in Sweden …but sweden it is close to Denmark

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:38am
420: Jenny says:

418 @ Femininewoman

Yes you are right…even if I did wrote it a little diffrent then you said:

“I feel a little disapointed, I was looking forward to meet.”

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:40am
421: ReceivingGirl says:

Good morning Sirens! Have not read up on the blog. Been on vacation since Wed. I’m ready to go home. Not much of a vacation. 4 days to go & I find myself really missing Mr. Observant.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:43am
422: Femininewoman says:

Lilibee I felt tense reading the beginning of your comment the relaxed when I read about staying in the moment. It seem originally that you had already decided how you were going to feel. I encourage you to remember that you can focus on objects, how the bag feel in your hand or on your shoulder. How your feet feels on the ground, your butt on the seat or your dress against your skin. The drink going down, the air/breeze against your face, how you feel in the color you are wearing. It does not have to be about the relationship. That is for you to just enjoy when he creates those memorable “moments”. It might not be 24/7.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:44am
423: Femininewoman says:

I missed you RG

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:45am
424: Femininewoman says:

RE 381 CoCo I believe your counsellor is right. The less contact the less anger. He won’t have access to your buttons or triggers. You do and as such you can change them.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:56am
425: ReceivingGirl says:

Thank you FW! I find the phone so hard to use for the blog.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:04am
426: Femininewoman says:

Very interesting that could be instructive for relationships

Building a Better Dad

And it only took a bunch of kids for me to let go of the parenting reins I had been holding so tightly. Because as much as I wanted to do it on my own, I learned that it wasn’t actually the best for me, my husband, and most of all, my kids.

There’s a reason why he’s called “the dad” and not “the babysitter.” And it’s not just the dads that need the reminder. We moms do too.

http://mom.me/mind-body/2069-how-more-kids-made-this-mom-_-and-dad-_-better-parents/?p=4

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:05am
427: lilybelly says:

411:

Radlove,

Every one of us has had or does have guys who poof on us. They are lessons and good ones at that.

I used to be in my head about the poofers, always questioning myself for what *I* did to make *Them* go away. What a crock of crap.

It has nothing to do with *us* and everything to do with them and if they are not interested in rock starring their life by association to my rock star life, it is totally THEIR loss. Give ‘em an energetic wave ala lk and let them leave your thoughts.

It’s so freeing and where a lot of healing has occurred for me. I AM not faulty, there isn’t one thing wrong with me and it’s totally their loss. And once I made that shift and healed those thoughts…guess what..they started sticking and I got to chose whether I wanted them to remain in my life or not..not the other way around with me wondering if THEY were going to keep ME in their lives.

What a shift.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:27am
428: LiliBee says:

422:

Hi FW,

The nervous part I anticipate is being at the airport.

The being in the moment, I know I can do easily when at destination all week.

I’ll be sure to remember your suggestions to be in the moment while at the airport.
I’m remembering how I feel in those rushy moments with D.
I’ve been on a plane trip with him before running around airports.
In those moments, he’s been patient, caring and attentive even while rushing around, and even with bad relationship vibes between us.
He always looks out for me in those situations, no matter what.
I need to remember that while at the airport.
It’s OK to surrender, to let go of control and let him lead.
It’s OK to trust that I am in good hands with myself and him.
It’s OK to let myself feel safe.

I felt so ‘unsafe’ with my 2 exes in those rushy situations.
They would take off on their own without a glance behind them to see if I’m keeping up.
They would be moody and snap at me.

D always grabs my hand, always keeps me in his sight and always asks if I’m OK…and he was that way even after we had a big fight!

Now, I’m with someone who bends over backwards to make sure I’m safe and OK, it’s OK to allow myself to receive it.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:28am
429: LiliBee says:

Receiving Girl!

I miss you too.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:36am
430: LiliBee says:

427:

Oh Yeah, thumbs up We are the prize

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:38am
431: Starla says:

good morning:):)

REALLY! *GOOD* morning

whew:)

going to put some japanese yams in the oven and relax in bed for a while while they bake. Then I’ll grill some chicken and stuff and have myself a beautiful brunch spread.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:43am
432: ulii says:

RE: Femininewoman 243

I thank you for asking me yesterday to check into myself to find out why I choose feeling guilty. It took me some time, but I have done it .. i think I can almost know why.

I think feeling guilty is actually the easy way out of something more uncomfortable. It is a static feeling with what I can stay in “status quo” and not actually act on something and try to make it better. And where I can still remain still and not take the full responsibility of my life.

Taking the full responsibility means moving into an unknown territory. And it feels so scary. What if I can not do it perfectly well? What if I fail? What if that then everybody finds out I am worthless..?.. NVs like that come up…

So…feeling guilty is as I partly show myself I am not cold & emotionless (I care)..but from other side I still don’t have to act or do anything different (because that scares me more than remaining in the guilt feeling..).

But I agree it is useless and actually it is bad for me.
I would like to choose something else instead. Some more constructive and better feeling. I wonder how to get to that…

Again, thank you FW! Your input, even if brief, has always so much wisdom.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:46am
433: Brandylion says:

Even though I feel nearly as great as I did a year ago when I first met PriestCD, I do still feel occasional pangs of sadness that we’re really over. I just realized that under those pangs, I also feel afraid of starting over with someone new. He is a known quantity, he is comfortable, and I miss that! But I was able to be open and to establish a connection with him last June; why should I not be able to do the same now with someone else? Of course I can!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:05am
434: Femininewoman says:

I am feeling excited just thinking about focussing on those good things he does and feeling all taken care of and protected. D sounds real yummy when in full masculine mode.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:11am
435: Starla says:

Brandylion, I soooo know what you mean, girl!

I feel excited about just how okay we’re gonna be:)

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:11am
436: Femininewoman says:

You are welcome ulii. Sometimes asking ourselves those tough question and help our intuition unearth and reawaken things hidden inside us that we have buried deeply.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:12am
437: ulii says:

RE 363 Lilibee

Thank you for sharing this PRE_HEALING & POST-HEALING sitations! Absolutely wonderful examples how
“Absence of fear and feeling worthy of fun and affection”
can make so big difference.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:15am
438: Brandylion says:

I heard this song on the radio last night, and I felt moved and cried. I heard it the first time shortly before our break-up, and I realized then that this is the way I want to feel and it was not the way I was feeling with him. I felt sad all over again remembering that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:18am
439: ulii says:

@Emerson

Are you Swedish too?

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:22am
440: Radlove says:

Lillybelly,

427 – “It has nothing to do with *us* and everything to do with them and if they are not interested in rock starring their life by association to my rock star life, it is totally THEIR loss.”

Wow, I love what you wrote, especially this. Thank you! Right on!

I’ve also been pondering what Daria said the other day, that ALL of them are going to poof except ONE. That really helps put it in perspective! Then I don’t mind so much!

So many men, so little time, LOL!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:25am
441: Radlove says:

Daria,

Thanks for the song “thank you” by Estelle, I really enjoyed it/

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:31am
442: Radlove says:

Brandylion,

438 – I love that song.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:33am
443: ulii says:

RE Radlove 365

I am in awe how you have handled the situation with the loan officer! And congratulations for the loan!!

I have noticed this lately… Even pre getting know Rori…living in Spain, where people in general were more polite than here in Estonia, specially any kind of client-service, even public… .I got used to speak politely, nice tone and smiling, and got that back from the other counterpart (or maybe they got that back from me…as they were polite first). Here it is so usual all this kind of clerks are often on the bitter mood,seem angry & irritated with you. And the people get angry and demanding to them too. So when I go here with the smiley face I’m used to. And be polite…and don’t get angry back to them…At first they haver really surprised look on their faces, later thay continue a while being a bit grumpy….and at the end they surprise me smiling and being nice and helping to have aa solution to any kind of problem.
And with feeling messages it all works even quicker.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:34am
444: Starla says:

Music is still so triggering to me. I just barely even started listening to music again. Me and CF were very very bonded over music. I feel so glad that music is triggering me less and less over time.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:38am
445: ulii says:

@444 Starla

I can really relate to this!

Music has always been so triggering to me…. and continues to be. All of it. I actually really love many kinds of music a lot. But it has so big effect on me. Some is healing (like listening to Rachmaninov’s piano concerts in a big emotional turmoil helps me going trough the bad deep dark place and become more calm), some is pushing me to the depression or being nostalgic in a bad way…rewinding memories over and over again.

I have to be really careful with the music I’m listening. So often I don’t listen at all out of the fear of being triggered in a bad way.

Which always has a positive effect though.. is baroque music like Händel’s Music for the Fireworks or his Water-Music..

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:57am
446: Starla says:

ulii, i listen to a lot of ‘relaxation’-type music, like zen buddhist instrumentals and chants. That’s not triggering at all, yay:)

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 9:00am
447: LiliBee says:

434:

Oh, when my fear and insecurity take over, they blind me and keep me from receiving that masculine energy.
That feels tense, stuck and closed-off.

Hmmm, what if I allowed the nervous feelings to be, and just share them with him…then be open and receiving to his maculine giving?
They won’t fight to take over and dominate if I just let them come out where they can be seen and heard.
Then practice the tools to sooth them.
That feels free and flowy.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 9:17am
448: Dominique says:

CocoKisses – #381 – Huge congratulations!!! That’s so awesome. I also agree with your counselor.

xxoo

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 9:37am
449: Dominique says:

Radlove – I feel SO impressed with how you handled the loan officer. WOW!!!

xxoo

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 9:44am
450: Starla says:

After smoking pot very regularly for at least a few months, I stopped smoking it about a week ago to give my body and lungs the break I could feel they needed from smoke. It feels weird not to inhale smoke. I’ve eaten some “special brownies” in the last week instead of smoking, and even though they have a much stronger psychoactive effect than smoked mj, it doesn’t feel as good to me because I don’t feel that heavy, hot, not-exactly-painful-but-probably-not-all-that-good-for-you feeling in my lungs. It feels like something is missing, and I am craving that feeling in my lungs.

It occurs to me now that I find gratification in subtle forms of pain/discomfort in my body, and I am taking an inventory now of any other ways I might be doing this. One way I can think of is not stretching after working out and just being sore. Another is languishing about when I need to eat something, as my stomach pain and blood sugar imbalance grow worse and worse. All I would have to do is get up and eat something, but instead I sit there and suffer. I also do this with not drinking water when I feel dehydrated.

Of course, if I create these patterns in my physical experience, I probably am doing similar things in my emotional one. So now I am trying to figure out what that looks like and where I am doing it, but so far I feel a little clueless. But I can sense that I am really, really on to something.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 9:49am
451: Emerson says:

430 Ulii yes I am

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 9:58am
452: Healing Waterfall says:

“We need in love to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily, we do not need to learn it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke This quote isn’t about letting go of a relationship that’s not working, it’s about letting go of your attachment to a man that’s unhealthy and ultimately destructive to love. You learned to form this kind of attachment when you were young — and part of becoming a mature woman is growing out of it. Do you remember how you “loved” when you were a teenager? I do. I had “crushes” on boys and spent hours daydreaming about them. I not only longed for boys I saw at school, but I also became [...]

from Virginia Clark’s e newsletter

i really resonate with this….I feel swamped with CD’s texting me and phoning me and it feels so great, I am really enjoying it….but yesterday after I talked with one, engineerCD, who seems incredibly nice, I felt longing for accountantCD. I really need to do more than just say to him this is over, I am done….I need to meditate and let go, over and over….
Hi everyone!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 9:58am
453: Emerson says:

365 Yay Radlove!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:00am
454: Starla says:

Lilibee, you are going to be fine and have a dandy time rushing around the airport, all excited to get to where you’re going, weeee!:). Whether he’s holding your hand or not, this is totally possible!

But anyway, something I learned from taking dozens of flights for my last job is that Time at the airport is a constant whether you feel rushed like crazy or not. My boss used to get us to the airport less than an hour from our flight, gah! I hated him for it at first, though! I always used to worry we would miss flights, and his unhelpful attitude p*ssed me off too, but we never actually missed one and we never actually got into a fight, so I became desensitized to it.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:01am
455: Emerson says:

OrangeCrush has been consistent in contacting me pretty much every day…with his initiation first.
When he says how are you or good morning or what not, I have been practicing saying thank you etc…instead of saying how are you? back at him or good morning to you too…back at him….I’m receiving and it’s nice

I used so many FM yesterday when I talked to him. It actually felt pretty natural…he is easier to talk to now that I’m not all nervous…and I do feel like he really likes me

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:05am
456: LiliBee says:

450:

Starla,

I feel awed at how you are getting to know yourself so deeply.
You are building a deep, strong and lasting connection to yourself.
No judging, just observing with curiosity…just like Rori guides us to do.

Thank you for sharing how it’s done.

I’m a tobacco smoker. I’m planning not to smoke from the moment I get in the car to go to the airport.
I’ll have nicotine patches and gum with me.

I’m noticing I felt the cr8p coming up my airways at zumba.
I feel comfortably attached to feeling that…odd.
What would it feel like to not feel the inflammation in my airways when I do cardio workouts?
To let the oxygen flow freely?
I’m feeling stiff, like how I feel when I’m holding on to something and holding it down…stuffing down…hmmm.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:06am
457: Emerson says:

455 I meant that I’m NOT saying those things back at him..and instead, receiving….lol I’m still having my morning coffee

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:06am
458: Emerson says:

Lilibee and Starla
I smoked cigarettes for years.

Starla I can identify with what you said cuz I used to like the nauseous, sicky feeling in my stomach that smoking in the morning would give me.
I used to want the headrush that actually felt dizzying and bad when I really think about it now.

I stopped cold turkey one day after my ToxicEx and I split up. I just realized one day that hey this is not fulfilling and comforting like it once was…and he was not there to smoke with me so it stopped there.

I have actually tried to relapse (LOL) but smoking since then just does not have the same appeal.

What also scared me into stopping was the idea of bladder cancer. A lot of smokers (tobacco or otherwise) end up with bladder cancer because all the toxins end up in our urine to be excreted and it sits in our bladder which makes the cancer happen…for some reason that really freaked me out.
Also remembering that quitting when you are younger (I was in my 30s) increases chances that your body can recover and repair.

Just fyi. I feel your pain and I used to LOVE smoking.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:12am
459: LiliBee says:

454:

I suffer from the classic “afraid of being afraid” syndrome.
I feel a little ridiculous.
Maybe it’s that comfortable attachment to emotional pain.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:13am
460: LiliBee says:

455:

I feel happy to see you being in that relaxed receiving energy Emerson
The video of a blooming flower is coming to mind.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:19am
461: Emerson says:

aw thanks Lilbee!!
I hope you have a great trip, I know you will.
Airports are stressful but sounds like you are in good hands.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:22am
462: LiliBee says:

458:

You got me thinking Emerson:

You quit after a breakup…With me it’s the opposite.
My longterm relationships were all with nonsmokers.
I don’t want a man smoker to be encourageing me to smoke.
I want a non smoker to encourage me to quit.

But the rebel child in me…
I associate smoking with the feeling of freedom.
As a teenager, whenever I would be out of my parents’ sight, I would feel relief to be free to do as I please.
The most representative action of taking advantage and enjoying that freedom was smoking cigarettes.

When I got divorced, I bought my 1st car. After a couple of weeks driving around, I thought to myself: “Hey wait a minute! This car is all mine! I can do what I please in it! So I started smoking in my car while driving.”

When my nonsmoker bf is not around, it pops in my head immediately “Hey, I can do whatever I want with no one to scrutinize and criticize me!”

And I feel triggered and worried when I see my bf not taking care of himself by neglecting his health.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:30am
463: Ella says:

Lilibee,

HAVE A GREAT TRIP!

XXXXX

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:31am
464: LiliBee says:

462:

Oh, ah-ha moment!

I learned to take care of my 7 year old little girl, and she’s all grown up now.
I’m the adult responsible for her now!
What about that rebellious teenager?
I need to take care of her too!
There’s another stranger for me to get to know (from the Toxic Men Program)

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:33am
465: Ella says:

FW,

Yes I realise it could just be her way of expressing her gratitude… but I don’t really think so.

My intuition tells me she still has feelings for him… but I’m not going to hold that over her.

But yes she did cross my boundaries and trigger me, and her posting on his FB like that felt very territorial.

Anyway its all sorted now.

As far as him transforming… it sure feels like he has to me…

I have NEVER felt so good in a relationship.

He takes good care of me… and if ever I feel bad I can express and know exactly what to do to take care of myself.

He hasn’t been drinking and he is seeing a professional that he chose.

So all in all, it feels like a complete transformation to me.

I could always feel that he was good.

There were just a few issues in the way… and so far he has stepped up and taken care of them like a trooper.

I feel a tremendous amount of respect and appreciation of him.

And the main thing is *I* feel good anyway.

I always feel a lil hesitant of writing about this… just in case… cus there’s always the NVs in the back of my mind which like to tell me it won’t last…

But you know what to heck with it cus it feels good to celebrate what is good in the moment.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:37am
466: LiliBee says:

464:

Oh, 2nd ah-ha!

I’m the adult responsible for my rebellious teenager now!
I’ve been making my men responsible for my quitting smoking!…giving up my power to them.

Oh wow!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:37am
467: LiliBee says:

463:

Thank You Ella

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:38am
468: Ella says:

Lilibee,

Having fun with the rebellious teenager feels so fun sometimes!

And you are there to watch she doesn’t go too far!

Enjoy!

xoxox

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:39am
469: Femininewoman says:

Lilibee about the criticizing and scrutinizing, can you imagine how men feel when we do that to them? Just this morning I caught myself thinking about one and wondering and I told myself no stop. I find I stop myself in my tracks more quickly now. When I find myself obsessively thinking now I tell myself it is disrespectful and invasive to allow the man to live his life the way he choose. It almost feels like following someone around poking at their mind with a microscope to find out every detail of their thinking.

eeeeeeewwwww

How invasive and violating is that?

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:47am
470: LiliBee says:

465:

Ella,

I believe many men have the good strength hidden in them.
It all comes out when an inspiring siren sees it in him.
It’s so awesome how you can inspire him just by being You.
Thank you for sharing, it feels refreshing to read your evolution.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:54am
471: Emerson says:

469 FW I was imagining calling Recycled and chewing him out the other day because I was feeling angry about things from the past….. and although I knew I would not really do it, it did cross my mind. It felt kind of fulfilling for a second but overall it felt bad and mommyish. Yuck.

So I continue to lean back. Eventually he does contact me and at this point I”m crushing on OrangeCrush so whatevs!!!! I don’t need Recycled

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:56am
472: LiliBee says:

469:

I did that scrutinizing and criticizing plenty with D during our 1st year together…wurk, how trapped and suffocated he must have felt…and he did act out like the rebellious teenager.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:58am
473: Femininewoman says:

Emerson a cd who I dated about 3 months ago just called. He has been texting good morning on and off and did it again this morning. I responded by telling him how much his good morning greetings feel like a breath of fresh air and he ended up calling after poofing for 3 months. So I shared the drama of my finger debacle that happened over a month ago. He just kept saying wow and how sorry he was. He ended the conversation by telling me I never sent him a picture but he always my smile and that he wants to invite me out soon. He was concerned about how bandaged up I still was.

This for me is another lesson in how right Rori is about using feeling messages and poetry to pull a man in.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:59am
474: Femininewoman says:

Squirming and wriggling trying to loosen the grip and get away. Oh god, the poor men in my past life.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:02am
475: Emerson says:

ooh I like that FW about the breath of fresh air…cute!

Aww your fingers…I hope you are having a speedy recovery. How are they doing????

I feel the need to “fix” something with Recycled and it’s kind of eating at me…like I feel weird that he never texted me back or replied from a few weeks back….what I’m feeling is HUMILIATION.

I feel like I want to “undo” it somehow or make myself “right” that he does CARE….by calling him and actually talking to him…but I know I don’t want to do that.

Ack feeling unsettled….like HE is in control…and I don’t like it.

I also feel ick that when he started talking about being so sexually attracted to me I just ate it up and smiled and took it in, (not saying I’d do anything) but
I feel I maybe should have put a boundary down and said:

“oh I feel flattered but I don’t want a sexual frienship” or something like that….

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:07am
476: Starla says:

When CF and I started dating, he used to bring me cigarettes to smoke with him. We’d sit under our tree and puff away on our cigarettes. It felt so exhilirating to just sit there and smoke together. My heart would race and there was absolutely no where else I wanted to be. Then I quit in November and he never smoked around me again. I feel so supported just thinking about that. As far as I know, he is otherwise a 1-2 pack a day smoker. He wanted to quit but never could. I feel lucky that I managed to give them up. And I gave up coffee too and pot smoke now… wow I have pretty good discipline… feels promising!!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:10am
477: Arrowofthyme says:

(450) @starla: I lit a candle last night for myself and set it near a hand carved statue of quan yin, the boddishatva of compassion.

I really resonate with the idea of feeling more comfortable with discomfort. My practice for that has been to sit with the good feelings. I had been learning to sit with the bad ones and thought that was my only work, but it wasn’t. My parents taught me more about punishment than about self-compassion so it makes sense that I’m relearning it. Somatic therapy has helped me a lot with sitting with my feelings and I practice doing things like, if I have an idea that I think is good I don’t share it immediately, I sit with it and share it with myself first for a little while. I tend to want to give it all away. I don’t know if that makes sense. I even went through a phase where whatever my body wanted I would listen to it – from the littlest things like not holding my bladder if I had to go but was too busy, to drinking water when i was thirsty instrad of ignoring it (me too!). I’m trying to feel it all.

Receiving has been a challenge. Where I am now compared to a year ago is extraordinary but sometimes it seems like such a long road. Yesterday I sat down near the candle and thought about traumas from my childhood and thought of every good thing I had now, no matter how simple, and how im lucky to have survived my childhood. I felt a lot of compassion for the little girl.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:12am
478: Starla says:

Emerson, you can put the boundary out there the next time it comes up in context. You don’t need to do this “maintenance” feeling messaging. Overfunctioning!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:14am
479: Healing Waterfall says:

A really nice moroccanCD has been texting me for days and finally called me this morning….
he just moved here and invited me out on monday and would like me to pick the place since he does not know the area….
so far it has totally been him initiating, is this ok for me to suggest the place?

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:16am
480: Emerson says:

478 Starla
Yes it is me wanting to overfunction, but I feel annoyed with myself because I feel like he “won” and thinks he could have sex with me if he wanted to, since my reaction was giggly and playful. I was feeling flattered at the moment it was happening but I had no intention of doing it.

Anyway I am resisting the urge to overfunction…

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:19am
481: Emerson says:

478 Thank you Starla for pointing out that I can do this next time it comes up….I don’t have to make it happen NOW.

Healing Waterfall I think it’s fine to say something like “It would feel great to share sushi with you” or whatever food you like….he probably just wants to make it known that he wants to please you and take you somewhere you like…..
If you know a place I think it’s ok to state that…but don’t plan it…

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:23am
482: Starla says:

“I practice doing things like, if I have an idea that I think is good I don’t share it immediately, I sit with it and share it with myself first for a little while. I tend to want to give it all away. I don’t know if that makes sense.”

arrow, it makes perfect sense to me. This describes me exactly. If I have a thought or an idea or a feeling, good or bad, I can’t keep it for myself. I ALWAYS want to give it to someone else. That’s why I post here soooo much. I’m just channeling it all here instead of to other people. I had to take a step back from a friendship that consisted of us just constantly venting/sharing every little thought and feeling to each other via text/IM/email all day long. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I knew I was draining myself and I had to call for an end to it.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:36am
483: Healing Waterfall says:

Thanks Emerson!

So what is the difference between stating it and planning it?

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:37am
484: Daria says:

Blood time! I got my peezy weezy woo hoo!

Happay Happay

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:41am
485: Daria says:

I’m feeling all confused w vague sadness thinking of last nite CD

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:51am
486: Starla says:

Emerson,
What does it matter if he THINKS he can have sex with you whenever he wants? He can’t. So um…that doesn’t sound like “winning” to me. Aw poor dude:P

hehehehe.

It’s okay to be giggly and turned on by flirtatious commenting

It doesn’t mean you have to give your body over to it.

It’s his job to seduce you.

Not your job to be “easy enough” to tolerate having around and being good to.

Does this make sense?

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 12:02pm
487: Starla says:

arrow, i almost forgot to tell you that i didn’t light a candle for myself last night because my house is pretty dirty. I felt weird about it. I’ll clean up today and do it tonight:) I have an altar space in my house. Thanks again for the idea

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:03pm
488: Coco Kisses says:

TY …Dominique & Feminine Woman for ur two cents….I’m feeling powerful, and positive. It feels good to see that so many of you are having positive interactions with the men you wanted to. @ Darla, I’m glad ur peezy weezy came…LMBO…anyhoo..I have to go, I’m getting ready for a girly girl date to a comedy show….

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:18pm
489: boasgirl says:

hmm … chatting with guy on dating site -

feeling an urge to answer him immediately, and to reach out and askhim questions, etc -tomake things happen -

feeling a bit bored and frustrated -

want to practice leaning back …

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:21pm
490: Daria says:

Boasgirl – sounds like you’re doing Great!

Try smiling and sinking into your pelvis before writing an answer

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:26pm
491: boasgirl says:

thank you, Daria – great answer

i just finished the conversation – told him that it felt good talking to him and that i’ll log off now -

i guess if he’s interested, he can send me a message -

next time i’ll try the pelvis-breathing

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:29pm
492: Emerson says:

483 HW
Planning it would be like: “Let’s meet at XYZ sushi on main street at 6 pm. You can pick me up at 5:30. After sushi we’ll go dancing at ABC Salsa club. Ok see you later!”

Stating what you feel/want would be like when he asks you where you want to go you can say:
“It would feel great to share sushi with you, yum!”

If he asks you further for where to go and you have a favorite place for sushi or what not, I think it’s fine to say you like this or that place…but keep it short like “it would feel great to try ABC Sushi in Kenwood…” and then silence….(sirens what do you say here??).

Now if he starts asking you for directions and asking you to plan out the date basically, (which HAS happend to me before; maybe some sirens rememeber NoCoffee/NoCupcakeCD LOL)….anyway that I don’t recomend doing.

He can look on mapquest/google/yelp for more info or if you want to take it a step further leaning back you could say “aww thanks for asking what I want to eat! I feel open to go to whatever sushi place you choose” and then he can figure out where to go.

Some guys are just like that they will see how much they can get you to do and for me it is a TURN OFF.

486 thank you Starla

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:38pm
493: Emerson says:

490 Daria
I know this was not for me but I am going to try this next time I text back OrangeCrush or Recycled or anyone else…..

Radlove regarding your CDs poofing I am the queen of that. I just scratch them off the list and move on, and there have been some that poofed that have actually been people I knwo that turned into CDs, seemed really into me and then POOF….no reason or no contact after. Whatever! No biggie. More CDs showed up. I plan on finding a new one this weekend. 5 second smile, here I come!!!!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 1:43pm
494: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Hello sirens!! I am blessed to be here:) As usual, I think posting my story here to you ladies really was help for me. Thank you to who responded. I did have a talk with dad last night and mom today, I wont bore you with detyails but lets just say we came to an understanding and all of us are going to work to a better life together and for my kids! You know I read these posts and always in a hurry so I am not going to reference them. Whoever said that never beenhappier at 42 and the changes. I was like wow last night I just told my dad looked at him right in the eye and said this is my truth I am more happy right now than I ever have been because I am in love….I found myself and took care of my heart and i tell myself it will all work out. I am in love with this girl and my 3 amazing children. I don’t think i could teach all what I have learned in a year. It is so amazing.One way and it is really the answer to all!! YOu cannot control anyone or anything but you have 100% ownership of every part of your body and soul. Once you leaern that and use it everyday(well we all slip up) but really your Blood pressure goes down, the majpr stuff is minor, and there is nothing we cannot handle. I am trying to help my kids do this in my own way. I am telling you owning and loving yourself, actions, words……..It is very hard for people to mnake you angry. You will not be in a position you didnt choose and there is no blame just a stratedgy to cope! Feels good, I hope that is not too corny but this works and I couldnt have done it with …well…rori and sirens and the others Thanks

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 2:35pm
495: Starla says:

I am going to spend the next few hours just primping and beautifying:) I love my weekends:)

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 4:31pm
496: Starla says:

oh, and watching a movie I want to see in my beautiful, comfy, spacious living room:)

I am a lucky girl with a very nice life:)

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 4:40pm
497: Healing Waterfall says:

thanks Emerson,

i already replied to him when he texted me a few hours ago, what do you think of Leunig’s? He asked me where it was and I replied the corner of church and college. Then he called me and I did not pick up, I was sitting in a cafe with my son….then he called me again a half hour later and I still did not pick up…then he texted me are you alone? And I said no I am not, could we talk later?
Then mechanic CD texted me asking me how my day was….he asked me to go to lunch tomorrow, but has not mentioned it again in subsequent texts….I answered him in FM
Then engineerCD called me and we have a date for tues night, although he is frustrated with his work and his boss….he sounds very bright, but most of the conversation has been about his job….
and when I hang up the phone with him, I miss accountantCD terribly….when I talked with accountantCD yesterday, he was so masculine and was helping me organize my finances (we were on the phone) helping me find someway I could be on time paying my bills and he was all about listening to me and my trip….he is so masculine energy when i am with him, there’s just that little detail…he’s not available…so this CDing is really picking up for me and I see the value in just interacting with all these different men to see and feel what it is I really want and like in a man….carpenterCD, he always texts me and asks how I am….very sweet…

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 4:43pm
498: luzydel says:

It’s been a while! My life has been an amazing roller coaster lately. I filmed a commercial for a local tv; Did some traveling (short distance) And am feeling amazing. Don’t have any man in particular to talk about; been talking, texting with a few, but they have not wow me enough.

I am enjoying meeting people; Met a lot of amazing people lately and a relationship will happen when it is meant to… in the mean time I am just enjoying the ride and flirting a lot!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:26pm
499: Starla says:

yay luzydel:)

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:34pm
500: Angela says:

HI Lilibee,

I posted comment #121about my guy and I traveling. We did the airport thing as well and what you gotta remember is that when its crunch time with a man at an airport he will direct the situation.
It remeinds me when i was with my guy in the airport Monday leaving from our vacation his maculine energy kicked in. From him giving me the sheet of paper to fill out at customs to finding our gate to asking me if I were hungry then feeding me. He even asked to know if our flight was delayed before he bought us food.
I didn’t do anything….AT ALL!! I just stayed soft and feminine and he did the rest. I think your thinking too much into it.
Even when we were waiting on our flight relaxing after just eating I didn’t even initate any convo. And you know, what he showed up even then. He initiated convo and we continued to laugh and have a great time.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:34pm
501: luzydel says:

I burned my left over dinners LOL I asked the universe to have something nice to eat and enjoy the food… someone just invited me to dinner !

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:41pm
502: LiliBee says:

498:

I’m so happy to see you Luzydel I’ve missed you.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:43pm
503: LiliBee says:

501:

and you look so happy too Good for you siren!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:44pm
504: LiliBee says:

500:

Thank you Angela! That feels good to read, I feel soothed by your experience.
On I go to read your #121.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 5:46pm
505: Femininewoman says:

Mims says:

Hi Rori,

First I want to thank you for helping us women learn how to be successful in our relationships. Well Rori, I recently started dating this guy who is 6 years younger than I (he’s 24 and I’m 30). At first I was making every excuse in the book to push him away. I would tell him that living almost a hour away from each other, would eventually be a problem. I would also give him the excuse about the age factor. I even told him that I was thinking of re-enlistng in the military. The re-enlisting part made him very upset. Now we both obviously like each other and when we hang out we have great times together. Now the pushing away part that I was doing has lessen. The problem is that for some reason, since the beginning of us dating, I tend to pay for dinner when we go out. He on occasions has also paid for dinner and movies. The reason I even started this madness was because in past relationships, men would say that I could at least contribute in things and subconsciously it stayed in my head and here I am today. Now I know a woman should let a man pay for things but I don’t have a clue how to just stop and let him take on that role. I don’t want to eventually be taken advantage of that either because I’m no Rockerfellar. It just feels so awkward……Please HELP!!!!

Lots of Love;
Mims

Rori Raye says:
Mims, Welcome and thanks for your comment and question – I want to answer it because it’s unique – you want to UNDO a pattern you’ve already established with a man – that of paying for things.

It can be anything we want to undo – any kind of overfunctioning or leaning forward.

And here’s the short answer…Leanback and TALK.

You can try simply getting up and going to the bathroom when dinner’s over so he’ll take care of the check. This isn’t a game – it’s removing yourself from your old pattern, breathing, and doing some tools int he bathroom around doing different behavior.

Changing things isn’t about HIM as much as it is about YOU.

You can not invite him anywhere, and stand behind him at the movies when he pays for tickets.

And then, when it comes up, which it very well might, you TALK – you say “I was feeling uncomfortable and very masculine paying for things. It’s something I’ve been doing for so long with men, and it’s just always felt bad, and I wanted to start fresh and feel more like a girl. How would you like to handle money while we’re dating?”

The point here is to not stew over things by yourself – but to get EVERYTHING out in the open and talked about – on your end in feeling messages.

I may put this up in a post – for now – hope this helps.
Love, Rori

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:14pm
506: R.N.AmazingMe says:

I am so bored sirens…I just want someone to cuddle me thats all is that really too much to ask?

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:23pm
507: Brandylion says:

I feel so excited! I booked a room at a classic, quaint Route 66 motel for one night of my trip to AZ next week! I felt so charmed checking out their website, and it’s cheaper than the chain hotels in the area! I feel totally giggly!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:36pm
508: Brandylion says:

Urgh. Totally feeling jealous right now, sure that PriestCD is with his new girlfriend. Hush, NVs. It doesn’t matter. He wouldn’t have been with me this weekend if he were still single. What he’s doing doesn’t have any impact on my life.

I never did get the hang of “if he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist”. How do you all handle that?

I’m entering the data from his class for my research right now, and I’m sure that’s not helping, but I’m at the point where his is the only stuff I have left to do and I’m running out of time to get it done!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 6:59pm
509: LiliBee says:

(((R.N.)))

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:03pm
510: Brandylion says:

I’m just feeling lonely. My best friend is awesome; I texted her about the NVs, and she’s the one who put a name to what I’m really feeling.

(((my loneliness)))

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:27pm
511: Starla says:

((((((Brandylion))))))))))))

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:34pm
512: Starla says:

I feel so glad we all have each other, though.

((((((((((((loneliness))))))))))))))

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:35pm
513: LoveAlways says:

Today I felt all of the elements
earth, wind, water & fire
It’s been a peaceful day

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:49pm
514: LoveAlways says:

(((((((((Sirens))))))))))))

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:50pm
515: LoveAlways says:

Brandylion
508
“I never did get the hang of “if he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist”. How do you all handle that?” I’ve never gotten the hang of it either. I feel whatever is I feel (normally jealousy of HIM), then I try to feel that thinking of him is leaning forward, and try to shift my energy because there is no room for him to step up or lean forward unless I lean back. And its the leaning back part that I try to embrace. Doesn’t work all the time – but sometimes it really helps me

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 7:54pm
516: Emoticon says:

Lillibee Have a great trip honey bun

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:10pm
517: Emoticon says:

LoveAlways and Brandylion, its hard…. and i slip up on it a lot (less than before tho so im improving) but keeping yourself busy is the way to go. And not busy with tedious things that make you want to take a break and think of ur man, but FUN stuff that make you completely forget he exists. Flirting with other guys is one of those. Hanging out with a girlfriend and NOT talking about men, so maybe if u guys went shopping, or window shopping…. or like take a little girl out 2 do something you miss doing from when u were little (thats a lot of fun) ….. or go out to somewhere really nice and take pictures of each other, get all dolled up and take hundreds of pics of each other!!! (i love that). Go to the club, or a lounge…. just find anything fun to do that makes you forget about any and everything else in ur life and i ASSURE u, u will not think of him.

Today my best friend took me to Manhattan after i got my business done and we took pictures went shopping and also bought each other some stuff, and we walked all over the place. I was dressed really really sexy so guys were flirting with me all over the place. I practiced my 5 second smile, and never got to 5 seconds cuz people reacted after 3!! Even women we smiling back and saying hey and being so nice to me. It was great. One guy even kissed me. He followed me and my friend out f a store and stopped me to talk while she shopped in the next store. I gave him my number. Later on he called me to ask me what store we were at, came over there held me and kissed me. I was in SHOCK! He said you are so beautiful I couldn’t help it. He’s called me twice since then…. WOW…. this feels so great to be pursued sooo…. aggressively? I dont like the word aggressively, it feels so negative, but maybe “persistently” feels better. He was in love with my accent, my looks, my smile, my attitude everything, he would not stop telling me how mesmerized he is, and how much he wants to see me again and again till i move back to school.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:24pm
518: Brandylion says:

Starla, I, too, feel glad we have each other. I can’t text or call people in the real world as often as I post here; it would just be intrusive.

It felt really neat to notice that once I put a name to what I was feeling, it lessened tremendously.

Love Always, I will try that. Thanks!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:26pm
519: Emoticon says:

All the way to manhattan i practiced the took with all the men running towards you…. omg SCARY…. i started feeling like i would end up getting raped. i actually went back inside to breathe before i tried it again. By the time the train got to manhattan it felt a lot less scary.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:28pm
520: Emoticon says:

tool*

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:31pm
521: Brandylion says:

My right thumb is feeling tender from all the typing I’ve done today, so I’m trying to use my left thumb instead. It is proving to be a good exercise in breaking old patterns!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:34pm
522: Emoticon says:

When i got to Manhattan, every man in the street WAS staring at me and smiling at me and talking to me…. one even talked to me but i was talking to another guy at the time so i only smiled at him, he walked into the store i was standing by, waited till the other guy left and then came back to talk to me again. AMAZING….. i am so mesmerizing. That tool really changes your vibe. I probably got only 1/5 of that amt of attention during the week when we went shopping on the same street.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:35pm
523: Brandylion says:

Emoticon, which tool? 5-second smile (or whatever it’s called–memory is fuzzy)?

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:44pm
524: Emoticon says:

The one Rori recently had in a post where u imagine all the men around want you and are coming towards you…. i 4got the name….

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:45pm
525: Brandylion says:

Hah, I just realized I forgot to specify “on the space bar”. I’m trying to use the other thumb on the space bar, and it is challenging. It’s taking a lot of concentration on typing!

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:46pm
526: Brandylion says:

Okay, I have forgotten that one. I can find it myself later, unless you’ve already found it.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:47pm
527: Emoticon says:

Brandylion, last post…. man magnet tool.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:48pm
528: Emoticon says:

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/love-forever-new-teleclass-monday-june-4th/

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 8:48pm
529: Starla says:

I feel so jazzed imagining the possibilities for myself right now:) I feel so freeeeeeee! woohoo, i am a lucky girl:):)

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 9:06pm
530: Emoticon says:

OMG just realized that guy txt me “thank you for the kiss”

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 9:35pm
531: Queenbee says:

Confession – I’m in love with HAman! Oh boy, okay at least I like him a lot, feel curious, intrigued… can’t get over him!! But it does help and feel good to just say it! I’m in love with him

I made out with him on Wed after his lesson I was feeling lonely and tired and really needed a hug. He hugs me and kisses me. I didn’t want to make a fuss or push him away. It feels natural and peaceful to go with the flow… that’s until he leaves and I don’t hear from him

We talked about the 5 love languages… very insightful and helpful.

The man is totally in love with me

He contacted me this weekend. I’ll see him at a recital on Tuesday… perhaps…

I’m thinking of ushering him out gently on Wed after his lesson. That’s the only way I get to do nothing. Anything else falls in the category of ‘fear of losing him’.

He solicits me for sex yum… but I see no need to have a pre-sex talk with a man I’m not even dating. Plus I have no intention of S3xing him at this time… and definitely not in my studio

So ushering him out it is. I better plan to stick to it.

((((((HAman))))))) Yikes!! (((((((((((((Queenbee))))))))))) Yay!!

xoxo

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:52pm
532: Starla says:

i am trying oil pulling right now and o.m.g. it feels so gross to me.

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 10:59pm
533: Starla says:

This is just g0d awful

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:04pm
534: Starla says:

seriously, i’m supposed to keep this up for 20 minutes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil_pulling

Saturday, 2 June 2012 @ 11:09pm
535: Emerson says:

Interesting Starla…I read about it on the link. I may have to try this.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:25am
536: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Oh and thanks for that Lilibee:) @509…Hey you guys where is Daria RadLove, and Emerson,Starla….ummm all you sirens!!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:54am
537: Femininewoman says:

Good morning sirens. I have been missing Aurora Girl.

I like that post about feeling all the elements. I don’t think I want to feel fire but I can imagine feeling it while standing in the sun I guess. Today I am going to focus of feeling the elements.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:59am
538: LiliBee says:

I’m feeling edgy.
I feel forgotten.
I feel this energy right beneath my skin from my heart to my arms.

I looked at the time, and realized it was the time D would be gathering his things to go to work.
I called and he didn’t answer his home phone, his cell goes directly to voicemail.

I feel surprised that he didn’t answer or call before leaving for work.
Maybe he had already left.

I feel my heart sinking. I feel very sad My face feels heavy.
My arms and hands feel shaky.

This unlike him in the past 2 months.

He was at golf with his hockey team and his dad, no women invited, all day yesterday followed by a banquet.

My NVs are going nuts.
What if he dropped off his dad and went out to a bar afterwards and was picking up a chick again?

I didn’t want to show up at his house again on a Sunday morning.
That would have felt yucky, controlling, untrusting.
I don’t want to be a controlling obsessed woman like that.

He could be sleeping in and going to work later.

Heck, he doesn’t know where I was and what I was doing overnight either.

I should have gone out cd’ing.

I get to do the same thing later in the summer. I have a golf tournament with coworkers only, and we cannot invite anyone.
It will be followed by a banquet and people usually end up at the local bar afterwards.

Urrrkkk, this feels awful!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:38am
539: Emerson says:

(((Lilibee))) remember Rori/Dominique tell us to not make up stories, and if we do, make it a good one…as in his cell phone ran out of batteries and he is oversleeping right now and dreaming about you:-)
Or…he went to work early so he can leave early and buy you a gift for your trip on the way home later…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:59am
540: Radlove says:

AmazingMe,

536 – Good morning! I am missing because I am in action! So MIA! I have a huge list of things I’m trying to get done before my job starts tomorrow.

I love you!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:04am
541: Radlove says:

AmazingMe,

536 – Good morning! I am missing because I am in action!I have a huge list of things I’m trying to get done before my job starts tomorrow.

I love you!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:05am
542: Radlove says:

Emerson,

493 – Yes, I will just adjust my mindset to accept that when a CD poofs.

Thank you also for your comment earlier up about the loan officers not really putting a lot of heart into what the do. I can see that. I could see it even as I was writing how I was going to fight for it. Or shall I say, negotiate for it.

What was firing me with passion about it is that her careless words left me in a Catch 22. I felt seriously panicky because my rent money was now gone. I had already made arrangements to pay only half until mid june. I didn’t want to face them saying I have none of it. Nor did I want to return my phone and lose $50 for a reshelving fee.

If I hadn’t already bought the phone, I would have told her the loan is too much trouble, and just forget it. As a rule I don’t even take out loans. But this time around, I believe it was a sound decision, since I will be able to pay it off really quick.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:09am
543: Radlove says:

Dominique and Ulii,

Thank you!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:10am
544: LiliBee says:

Testing…I’m hitting Submit Comment and it poofs on me. 2x now.
What’s up with the blog?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:46am
545: LiliBee says:

Thank You Emerson,

You are helping.

He’ll turn up soon enough, probably saying he had alot to drink, forgot to plug-in his phone, got up late and had to run to work.

Yeah, that’s the most likely story.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:49am
546: Brandylion says:

Going to back to AZ for the last summer of my master’s program feels bittersweet. I feel excited by the classes I’m going to take and I feel glad to finish my research project and to get my degree. But, I feel sad because all of the memories from last summer that I cherish are of PriestCD. He wasn’t going to be there this summer anyway because he finished the program last year.

Oh, it felt so *exhilarating* to find myself part of a mutual attraction (especially after not having found that since freshman year of college)! During the first class session, he was the intern for a different class from the one I was taking, and he would come over during the lunch break and watch The Big Bang Theory with us. He sat at my table every day, even when there were seats open at other tables. I held my breath every day until he showed up!

A group of us went climbing at a rock gym, and at the end we learned of a discounted monthly membership for teachers and that they’d let us apply our fees from this first session to that membership. I felt so excited and was telling him about it (he finished climbing after I did), and he said that he’d be happy to pay out of pocket to come back with me. I *melted*!

His favorite TV show was Firefly, and he’d brought it on DVD. We watched all but one episode together, and I watched that one without him when he decided to go play video games with one of the other men instead of being with me. I felt proud of myself that I didn’t let his absence prevent my enjoyment of the show.

We were lab partners for one of the classes in the second session, so we worked on our lab reports out of class as well as being together all through class. We sat together during both classes in the second session, and with the arrangement of tables and chairs I’d prop my foot or leg up on the edge of his chair, and he’d stroke my leg from time to time. It was *so* arousing. Yum!

We borrowed another student’s car and went to the drive-in to see Captain America. We went out to several Indian and Middle Eastern restaurants on dinner dates. He cooked dinner for me twice! He asked me to play sous chef and I cut up veggies, but he did all the rest of the work.

We ran together every weekend. When I said on our second meeting that I felt uncomfortable being a woman running alone in an unfamiliar city, he offered to run with me. That became a staple of our courtship and relationship.

Out at a group dinner one evening before we started dating, we sat with our legs touching under the table throughout the meal and most of the conversation before and after. He revealed his totally impressive and adorably nerdy knowledge of Star Trek. He spoke to me in a side conversation about a couple of Catholic men from history he found particularly inspiring.

And, oh, my 30th birthday, the day we called the start of it all! A big group went out to a local brewery to celebrate. It was busy, so we had to sit at the bar for a while before getting our table. He sat beside me while we all moved in and out of various conversations. When it was time to go to the tables, I touched his inner elbow and said, “I want you to sit with me.” Later in the evening, I noticed that he’d gotten up to go the the restroom, and then a few minutes later I realized he was back because we both had our arms folded on the table, and he was sitting shoulder-to-shoulder so our entire upper arms were in contact. I don’t remember him coming back, but I remember thinking, “Gee, PriestCD is sitting awfully close!”

After leaving the brewery, a small group of us went down the street to a playground. When we left, there were six of us and only five seats in the car. I said it would feel good to walk home because it was a nice night. He walked with me. As we walked, our hands brushed, and on the next brush, I took his hand. I looked at him, and he just smiled. He took care of me that whole walk home, watching traffic and walking on the street-side of the sidewalk. He kissed me good night when we got back to our apartments, which were next to each other. It was an awkward kiss, but I’ve heard first kisses usually are.

I miss romance like that. He took good care of me, picking up the tab on dates out without question unless I’d asked if I could treat him. He cooked for me when I visited him, and he always asked what he could do to help prepare meals when he was here.

Of course, it felt so thrilling to get to know him physically as well. The first time we made out, we took a little breather, and I told him I’d forgotten how much fun this is and that I was having a blast. He told me I was awesome! Chemically, we were a good match.

There are lots of other small moments that I will have, too, until I create new memories with a new man. But these are the ones I think I will have forever.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:52am
547: Emerson says:

Is There Such A Thing As Healthy Caretaking?
By Dr. Margaret Paul
May 29, 2012
A client of mine asked, “Is there such a thing as healthy caretaking?” Here is the answer!

I was trained by my mother and grandmother to be a caretaker. The messages were: “Your feelings are not important to us at all. You need to learn to completely ignore your own feelings and instead take care of our feelings. In return for this, we will occasionally give you some approval for being a good girl.”

I learned my lessons well. I learned to stay in my head rather than my heart and soul so that I wouldn’t be aware of my own feelings. I learned to be very vigilant regarding others’ feelings and to do all I could to be what they wanted me to be. I completely lost touch with myself.

Of course, when I got married, I continued caretaking. I married a man who was a taker – very much like my mother and grandmother. I went about trying to win his approval by being what he wanted me to be—again ignoring my own feelings. Whenever I did feel upset, I believed it was because he was angry at me. Because I was taking care of his feelings, I believed he was responsible for my feelings, so when he was angry or withdrawn, I felt sad, abandoned and alone. It never occurred to me that I felt so badly because of how I was treating myself, rather than because of how he treated me.

As time went on, my body reacted to my self-abandonment by making me sick. My immune system was eroding from the lack of self-care, and I’m certain I would have eventually gotten a severe illness, such as cancer, had Inner Bonding not been gifted by Spirit to me and Dr. Erika Chopich.

It was then that I started to learn to take loving care of myself. I was truly shocked to learn that my caretaking, which I had previously thought was loving to my husband, my children and others, was a form of manipulation to get love and approval. All those years I had believed I was being loving by caretaking, only to discover that I was giving to get love, rather than loving myself and sharing my love with others. My giving—my caretaking—always had an agenda attached. Real love and caring have no agenda. They are gifts of the heart.

Caring, Caretaking and Caregiving

It took me a number of years to understand the difference between caring and caretaking, and I finally understood that there is no such thing as healthy caretaking. Caregiving, which is what we do for people who can’t take care of themselves, such as babies and young children, old people or sick people, is very loving. Caring, which is what we give from a heart filled with love and no agenda attached, is very loving. But caretaking is manipulative.

Not only is caretaking not healthy for a relationship; it is not healthy for ourselves. Over and over, my clients complain of neck pain, back pain, shoulder pain and various illnesses that disappear when they listen to want they want and feel, and take loving action in their own behalf.

We can care and lovingly care-give when we are loving ourselves and filling ourselves up with love. When we abandon ourselves—by ignoring our feelings, judging ourselves, turning to various addictions to numb our feelings, and/or making others responsible for our safety and sense of worth—we create an inner emptiness and aloneness. This inner black hole energetically pulls on others to fill it with their love and approval. Filling ourselves up with love is a gift to both ourselves and to others.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:17am
548: Emerson says:

Hey Ladies
I feel frustrated with myself for not losing as much weight as I had hoped by Summertime. I’ve been communiting a lot and working a lot and so I don’t have a regular exercise schedule on my calendar…which is crucial for me. I feel frustrated about this.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:25am
549: Emerson says:

I do feel good about using a FM with OrangeCrush that has had amazing results! He kept saying “call me…etc.” and I said well to be honest I feel uncomfortable initiating calls and I don’t do that…and he said oh really????

And ever since he has been texting/calling every day. It sort of took the element of the “game” out of the situation of “who is going to call who” ???

Is she/he going to call? Well now he knows that I will not initiate, so if he wants to stay in touch he has to contact me….:-)

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:31am
550: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

I had a great time on my date last night. We met for dinner and a movie and spent some time making out like teenagers in his truck, lol. He smiles a lot, and while sometimes he looks quite dorky, other times, at a certain angle, he is incredibly handsome! He is really pleasant, smiles all the time… and is polite… pulls out chairs, opens doors, pays for everything in a way that doesn’t make me feel at all uncomfortable. It’s clicking. 2 dates in 3 days, and he leaves today for California until Thursday, but has already said he can’t wait to see me again.

He’s a VP for a software company, and from what he’s said, he makes big money. But he doesn’t dress like it or drive the kinda car I’d drive if I had that much money….. so I can’t help but wonder if it’s really true. He also said he worked for NASA fr years (in computers) but that this company pays him 6 times what that did and that he has a ton of company stock. I’m not getting a vibe that he’s lying, but guess I’ve been lied to so much by other men that I feel like there will be something. And if you made that kind of money, would you tell women? Wouldn’t you be worried about the gold diggers?

I had the no casual sex talk and he said he’s not looking for that, he wants long term, and his profile says he wants to get married.

So, guess I need to just trust my instincts and see how it goes. It feels realy good to be with a man who wants to make plans, who is attentive, who texts regularly… and is fun to be around. Being with a guy like this, makes me wonder why I wasted so much energy trying to convince a man to be with me or stay with me, or yearn for him to come back to me. This feels easy breezy, and while still incredibly new… I FEEL calm and collected and smiley and pleased. I also feel like I am the yummy cheesecake, and there are other men I’d still like to meet! No instant relationships for me! But, those other guys aren’t stepping up like he is, and I’m not leaning forward.

I like feeling this way, no stress about dating. I hope it sticks!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:54am
551: Emerson says:

Turquoise he sounds nice and I have known quite a few people who are wealthy who don’t “show” it…or showcase it…they don’t have to. They are secure in their big bucks and they are still down to earth. He sounds like that type. Also maybe he was telling you about his position and $ cuz men want to be conquerors and providers and he was maybe trying to tell you he fits those qualities to impress you…:-)

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:57am
552: sunshine says:

I feel bad match guy asked me “hey Im curious how long ago were the pictures that you took on your profile?”…he asked me that after a couple dates hmm cant help but wonder if I dont look like them anymore? I told him ” aww I feel bad do they not look like me”…and he had a nervous laugh and followed it with of course they do….and then I said “well I probably should be heading to the gym more often.” I said that to test him and get it out of him if indeed he doesnt think my pics look like me. He said “well its always a good thing to hit back up again…whats the skinniest that you can go down to?” OM goodness!! seriously Im feeling annoyed with this guy he might be clueless but Im just not feeling good around him now and really uncomfortable!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:16am
553: sunshine says:

correction he said ” you can always hit the gym back up again…”
I am feeling so annoyed by him and self conscious

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:19am
554: Lizka says:

Hi sirens,

I might need help on this one.

I said that June was Do Something By Yourself Month for me. That I would not call ATW or any CD or friends to hang out at all.

But this morning I thought it could be fun to make Thai soup with ATW. And I called him. He did not answer. He was probably still sleeping as it was early.

But then I realised it was a good thing since I said it’s Do Something by Yourself Month and I was not suppose to make plan with anyone except me.

So I am wondering what I’m going to tell him when he calls back? “I just wanted to say hi?”. Or since I’m half way there, I should throw my invitation? Probably not, I know.

Do you have any good feeling message I could tell him for when he calls back and asks why I called?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:20am
555: LiliBee says:

Good to get your news Turquoise!

I feel happy to see you having such fun

Don’t expect the other shoe to drop, that will only attract it.

Your feelings will guide you.

Emerson’s view feels good to me.

I feel impressed by people who have money but don’t feel the need to flash it by the way they dress and the car they drive.
I feel emotionally safe with humble people.
It shows a certain maturity.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:22am
556: Lizka says:

For now I have put my phone on silence because I don’t know what to tell him when he calls back… Good or bad idea?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:23am
557: LiliBee says:

550:

Hi Lizka,

What would feel good to me is “I just called to say Hi, then bla bla bla bla…..The forecast calls for rain at the end of the day and all night. Your Thai soup would feel so warming.”
Then let him offer it.

How does that feel Lizka?

I leaned forward too this morning.
I called D to check up on him and no answer.
I’m trying to figure out what to say when he does call.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:46am
558: Emoticon says:

Radlove….surprise 4 u on my FB page! LOL

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:02am
559: Emoticon says:

This almost made me cry this morning….

THIS is how i feel about my relationship with one CD. I just feel hopeless in saving it. I feel like i was the only one trying and now that ive given up trying im scared it will just be over completely. And it makes me sad… and makes me cry because he’s been in my life from 2009 and was my absolute BEST FRIEND apart from being my lover. I can’t and won’t be friends with him if we’re over cuz that’s just going to lead us down a path of friends with benefits which has happened before. Im just so sad right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8neDjQoBMQ

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:05am
560: Lizka says:

Oh Lili I read your message too late!

My phone was on silence and I was watching one of my favourite TV show and at the break I took a look at it and I had a missed call from him and a text message saying “Hey kitten, what’s up?”.

So I called back, he was in Magog coming back from a friend’s wedding. He said he was going to be in town in 2 hours and he could call me then (to do something). I said yeah sure. I thought of going to china town and get ingredients for Thai soup and making it here. He said that could be a good idea and, unless his mom is back from her trip to Italy, we will do this.

You’re idea was better, yes I initiated this plan and didn’t use too much feeling messages. But at least he was the one mentioning we could hang out at first.

To fix things, if he said he has to stay with his mom, I’ll definitely take this no for an answer and just say ok with a big smile.

In the mean time, I’ll do some cleaning around the house and maybe go run a little not to be waiting for him.

Thanks Lili!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:09am
561: Lizka says:

And Lili, about D…

You could say almost exactly the same that you suggest to me.

“I just called to say Hi, then bla bla bla bla….. it was finally sunny this morning and my heart felt warm andit made me think of you.”

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:11am
562: Turquoise says:

Wow, took awhile to catch up, but so many good vibes on the blog lately!

Starla, I am so freaking impressed with you girlfriend! Not just the running, but the realization that you get pleasure from slight pain, I feel will be huge and earth shattering for you when you work through that!

Lillebee….so happy your vacation is here! I wouldn’t worry that he didn’t answer. I know easier said than done, but that man really loves you. Maybe he overslept, or forgot his phone… tell yourself a good story. And when he does call you back, just be honest and share that he was on your mind Men love that!

Thanks Emerson and Lillebee…. you are probably right, and he texted me that he thinks I’m smart, and the fact that I don’t get a blank stare in my eyes when he talks about something excites him. He asked if I thought that was a fetish… I said, lol… no. Intelligence turns me on too. That is when he explained that he was an engineer for NASA and made sure the math was right in their software programs to keep the shuttles from crashing into people’s houses. He also said he knew he was bragging a little. He tells me I’m beautiful, that he has a wonderful time when we are together and can’t wait to see me again. When he was telling me about his salery and stock, I made a joke and said he could buy me a nice birthday present. He asked when it was and I said December, and he said he’d get me a combined gift. I said, lol.. I hate that. And he said, what if it was a trip to Hawaii???

So we talked about that a bit, laughed… said I don’t know what I could get him for his birthday and he said more of my incredible kisses.

So who the heck knows… but it feels fun to have fun and feel light hearted with someone. When I told him I like that he’s smiling and has a positive attitude, it’s pleasant to be around. He replied, well I’m smiling because I’m with you, you know.

And it all sounds genuine. I’m not getting the wierd or trying too hard vibe, just open. My radar is just suspicious I guess.

I’m tempted to call him too good to be true…. but I don’t want to invite that thought in either, like waiting for the shoe to drop like you said Lillebee… I don’t want to bring negative.

Hmm. will have to come up with a good name for him.

He does have a west virginia accent, so cute…lol. Mr. Positivity? Cleareyes? Something with computers….. IDK yet.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:14am
563: Starla says:

yay hi turquoise:)

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:36am
564: Tereana says:

Turquoise – I haven’t read it all, but I like the sound of your new man. If you don’t have a name yet, how about NASA?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:37am
565: Ella says:

Hi Sirens,

I am feeling REALLY GRUMPY for no apparent reason!

I am feeling kinda low energy and like I cannot do anything.

I have been feeling like this on and off for a few days.

Think I am just going to give in and sit on the sofa, eat some icecream and watch a movie until MWC gets back later.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:38am
566: Starla says:

I am oil pulling again (just woke up…you have to do it on a totally empty stomach). It was so gross to try it last night, but I woke up looking thinner and healthier than ever. Between the oil pulling and the ACV, my bloating/stomach fat is disappearing!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:38am
567: Tereana says:

Emerson – I like your story about the FM with OrangeCrush. I feel inspired to use something similar! Of course, I’ll need to do some backtracking with the Mountain/Motorcycle Man, since I’ve already initiated all the contact (twice) in the last week. But I figured out that he is “man-caving” and does indeed have work and family stuff to attend to. He is not in “romance mode.”

But I know he’s thinking of me, because when I asked if he did, he said, “all the time : )” so that made me feel all smiley. It still does

I am just keeping that with me, and when I’m feeling lonely or like I need company, I can just think about other CDs, or what I’m doing, or imagine that he’s actually right there, putting his hand on me, looking at me admiringly, or wrapping his arms around me, telling me I’m beautiful. Never fails to relax me and make me feel better!

Plus, last night, I had my period, and I was so super happy to stay in and make popcorn and watch a romantic Bollywood movie

Today I have brunch with friends and work. I am feeling very good. I trust him. I trust that he is a man and he is doing his manly thing, and eventually he will come out if his “cave” and he will want me more than ever. And I may be anywhere or doing anything at that time : )

Have a good day ladies!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:47am
568: Healing Waterfall says:

Turquise, that sounds great!

Grrrr…..I had a texting snafu today with a potential date……I wonder what I could have done better to make it work out better…..

i feel really upset about it……way more upset than the situation warrants….but where do i feel it, let me sink in….

i feel it in my forehead, my jaws are clenching, i want to scream, DIDN’T YOU READ MY TEXT….i feel forgotten, unseen, taken for granted….these feelings suck, what to do now….
i love you, i will take you for a nice outing in the woods after we wash the floors….

thanks sirens for providing this space for me to explore

ahh, another good CD bringing up something to heal….

Did anybody read my post about all my recent CDing, why do I feel like I am not here sometimes….i am Ms. Invisible….I know you all like me, i am just getting some yucky feelings out…..

So this guy, mechanicCD has been texting me for several weeks. He texted me Chili’s on sun at noon? I replied that would feel good, but need to arrange child care. He texted me back stuff about the weather, how tired he was for the next two days and I was hoping to make plans for child care, so I said, chilis would feel great, I would really love to eat lunch out and he would reply, what are you doing tonight, what movie are you watching, just conversation, so i didn’t know what else to do but make other plans….so he texts me at 11:30 and says see you at chili’s at noon? And I texted back oh i did not know we were going, you never answered about it, i feel let donw, i can’t go now, i did not hear back from you, so now my son has a friend coming over what do you think we can do about it?

he texts back

guess we will just have to make it another time i thought we had left it as were were doing that but no worries I have other errands to run anyway.

when i got that text, i felt so angry. He did not even consider my feelings or my time or my having to arrange childcare….it really really feels super bad….but i am not sure how to handle this better next time?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:49am
569: Starla says:

healing waterfall, next time i would do the same exact thing you did this time, girl! You did great! he’ll probably make much firmer plans next time:P

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:11am
570: LiliBee says:

Thank You Emerson, Lizka and Turquoise for your support

My nasty NVs made me feel so yucky.

I just got busy finishing packing and taking care of my hair and skin.

He just called, and he didn’t seem to know I had called this morning.
I told him I called him to get some news before before he left for work.
I said “I felt all paranoid and sad. I was thinking the worst and it got me feeling down and anxious. I don’t want to be a crazy paranoid woman spying on her man, it feels awful to be like that. I miss you and I feel so relieved and excited to hear your voice.”

He said “aww, that’s really a good sign that you miss me.” Then he giggled.

He got home at 11pm. He wasn’t drunk.
This morning he was already at work when I called. He finished work an hour earlier yesterday to go to golf, so he started an hour earlier this morning to make it up.

Oh those NVs are so nasty.

He sounded really happy and perky.
He was excited to tell me all about his day and the funny stuff they did.
Because it was lightly raining all day, they gave all the guys a free pass to make it up to them.
The guys all agreed that they would use the rainchecks and bring their ladies that time and D invited me to come

He said “go to bed early tonight so you can start work early to finish early so we can prepare for our trip together.”

I feel so smiley

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:23am
571: Healing Waterfall says:

Starla
Thanks so much for saying that.

Maybe I feel so upset because I am changing my patterns……

hmmm now that is food for thought….

i really feel like crying…..

i guess i am changing….before i would have jumped through hoops to get there at chilis and switched things around just so i could be there for the man….

wow, you really helped me to see what was going on for me….i am changing and part of me feels scared that i am going to really get someone po’ed at me!

well i am going to work off some of these feelings on the bike
talk to you all later.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:31am
572: Starla says:

yay healing waterfall, i am so glad for you:D

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:39am
573: Daria says:

i got a hush copy of Text your Romance back (ty ) and am now leaning forward texting guys lol appreciation texts

it feels WAY better (and non attached) than brooding over how ‘i should drop them’ while actualy waiting anxiously for them to contact me

lol!

and i want to practice appreciation in a big way!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:46am
574: Daria says:

omg it felt so fun to text those texts to guys!

i feel so much open vibe now!

even tho the 2 guys i was on ‘rough waters’ with havent yet responded… *I* feel excited about them just reading that!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:57am
575: Tam says:

What did you write, Daria? What is an appreciation txt!? Xx

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 12:01pm
576: Tam says:

What did you write, Daria? What is an appreciation txt!?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 12:01pm
577: Daria says:

yay i got one response from the rough water guys!!!

my text was

“I keep thinkin of the time u lifted me up I felt so secure n exciting… ur strong… I miss being held up like that I felt like a lil girl”

(omg soooo good!)

he sent me back

“I miss seein you period boo an I would love to develop sumthin more with you… but I dont’ think you ready for the life I live”

AWWWWWWWWWWW

heheheheheheheh

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 12:01pm
578: Tam says:

What did you write, Daria? What is an appreciation text?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 12:02pm
579: Tam says:

Sorry, technical problem…:)

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 12:03pm
580: Ella says:

I feel weird that I still live at home.

I’m finding that I feel annoyed and impatient around my Mum when we are both at home.

I feel like she wants something from me and it just feels kinda claustaraphobic…

Which I feel badly about as I love my Mum to bits… I just can’t stand to be around her a lot atm… it is better when I don’t live at home.

And I feel disconnected from her partner.

Which feels sad as I really like him too.

I have been spending a bit of time at MWC’s house… even when he is not here… he likes me too.

And I have been liking it cus it just feels so peaceful.

Sometimes I feel so antisocial.

I did go to a party last night… it was ok, kinda felt a bit boring.

And I feel bad about a certain friend who would like me to see her more… and I just feel drained by it, because most of my energy is going on getting me out of debt, and into a healthier wealth position…

And really, recently, almost all I am working on is sorting my finances, and working to make money, and paying bills.

And it honestly just feels really, really important right now, because I feel like until I sort this I am drowning.

And I need to save myself.

But I also feel afraid that in focusing on this I might miss all the good bits of life.

And I know life is not about money.

And it just feels like an energy thing…

Bu it feels so important to sort this out… and I am… and I am doing well.

But I just want my friends to bear with me and I feel afraid of losing them all.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 12:11pm
581: Ella says:

Now feeling antsy cus MWC said that he wanted to spend tonight together… and that we would do that after he finished work… and gave me some money to get some shopping for food for our dinner, which I have done.

And when I left he said he would stay in contact via FB IM to let me know how it was all going and what time he would be finishing.

And the kitchen was closing at 8 and it is now 45 mins later and I have hear nothing.

When I left work a few hours ago it was quiet.

And he is working with that young male chef… the one who has encouraged drinking binges in the past. And also the female chef finished earlier, when I left, and was sitting at the bar getting ready for a session.

I am just feeling a lil anxious.

Waaaahhahahahaha.

Gonna go go make me a cup of tea and not make up any stories, and practice trust.

And if something does go pearshaped I have a proceedure and will take care of me.

I so want to IM him and ask him what is happening… but I suppose he will contact me when he is ready.

I am feeling kinda cross and triggered and my mind is alarm belling, telling me these are the scenarios that can trigger a binge…

But that is an NV.

And wondering if I should just get my things and go home… I mean he said he would keep in touch throughout the evening and he hasn’t so I am feeling like a bit of a lemon.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 12:52pm
582: Emoticon says:

OMG so remember the guy from my school who just went to jail for ki!!ing someone? turns out he at his heart and his brains…. and was in the process of being expelled from our school for randomly att*cking another student with a baseball bat leaving him with a fractured skull and blind in one eye ….. Now apparently the guy he 8…. also went to our school but two years ago, got dismissed for allegedly r8ping sum1.

Also, another student form my school got arrested recently, (no-one knows why yet) people simply say “he just lost it”….. im so scared right now. Men just seem to be “losing it” all over…..

Met a guy yesterday who kept saying he wanted to “eat me” i told him i didnt want to be eaten he said he wanted to “eat me out” I’m already scared of him when i he hasnt given me any reason to be. I feel so…. confused as some people seem so safe and then they turn around and rape or eat people. why?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 12:54pm
583: Rebecca says:

Sorry for spamming the blog.. Again!!

But I have a question for you sirens…

Anyway, I have been CDing today and yesterday but I feel very nervous about crossing barriers if friendship to something more romantic.

I feel if I STAY like this I will be single for EVER. (maybe thats not such a bad thing!!)

But I feel scared and nervous…. I am scared to take things to a next level.

I’m not sure if this makes sense?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 12:57pm
584: Emoticon says:

((((((Rebecca)))))))

i wish i could offer advice.
Some of my CDs started off as friends and THEY took it to another level on their own and i just went along with it. I can’t tell you whether it is a good or bad idea.

One who I made friends with 3 years ago is a CD right now…. and has been one for about 2.5 years of that. What can I say, i fell in love with him quickly but only got physically intimate after months of that. Still in love with him now, but also in love with another CD (who was never my friend first) but I dont feel good about friendCD anymore…. YET i feel addicted to him…. we have sort of a love/hate relationship that goes back and forth from friends to lovers every few months. But we are never just friends, we r always FWB…. so im thinking when a friend turns to a lover and that love has done its time its hard to go back to friends. Maybe not be friends for a while and then when the feelings have subsided its easier to be friends? what u think?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:05pm
585: luzydel says:

So yesterday I went to grab something to eat with this guy… it was cool and for some reason I just don’t get so carried away with men any longer; at the end when the waitress brought the check, he started to ask me this question and he clarify that it did not have anything to do with us… the question was about if I expect a man to always pay, and what is my opinion on that…I said that for me is who ever makes the invite should pay; and that I don’t feel good emasculating a man by always leading. I then say do you want me to pay for half the bill? he refused, but It was an awkward question and I feel uncomfortable… I felt like I was being tested…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:12pm
586: Ella says:

Oh he just IM-ed me.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:14pm
587: Emoticon says:

Luzydel…. what an awkward time to be asked that question!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:16pm
588: luzydel says:

I’ve been hearing that a lot… men who complain about women feeling entitled. I explain to them that that’s a good reason to set the date and place ect. So if he does the invite, he knows what he can afford, instead of letting the woman lead. Because she may pick a place that is beyond their budget. If a woman complains because he took her to Applebees instead of a 5 star restaurant, then he knows that she may not be for him.

I don’t feel entitled, but I like to be treated well and feel like I am been taken care of…Once I had a guy who bought a couple of “huggies” and drinks at a local deli and took me to the park, it was a great date.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:25pm
589: Rebecca says:

Emoticon – hmmm… Thanks for your response it’s very helpful to me. I realise, I guess it’s just a bit like sticking your toe in the water. No-one knows how it is going to turn out. How do you get rid of those horrible, annoying butterflies in your stomach? I guess you don’t really… Hmmm… Lots to think about, thank you

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:34pm
590: Emoticon says:

You’re welcome Rebecca…… You’re right, you never know how it will turn out. I suppose it’s worth the risk…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:36pm
591: Daria says:

ok i just talked to him on the phone and told him id rather nto have any contact at all then go on like this and hate him

and he said he doesnt want to have no contact

ok

cuz i was sure ready to cut him off

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:48pm
592: Rebecca says:

My fear is that I start feeling ‘desperate’ to be ‘chosen’. It becomes like an overwelming feeling NOT to be rejected – by anyone! It is soooo deep-seated in me. I feel this is why I am such a people pleaser – I go into overdrive…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:49pm
593: Sassy says:

Day 6-no contact. Sighhhh. I feel sad and yet proud of myself for not initiating or leaning forward (although I have been thinking about him because I still feel so confused as to what happened.) Why did he stop communicating with me? Why not tell me what the problem is and just tell me to move on?
I do so love reading your success stories ladies.
I miss Flowerchild. I would hope that she doesn’t feel that she can’t come here and talk to us. We’re still here for you to vent, Flowerchild.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 1:55pm
594: Starla says:

Sassy, I’m developing a theory that these men don’t speak to us because they don’t want the closure. part of them is hoping there is a chance, even though their actions are totally to the contrary of that.

at least, that’s how i’ve felt when i didn’t speak to someone for a while. i didn’t say anything because i didn’t feel ready to choose one way or another with finality. their bugging me while i needed space only made me give them a final NO. so many times i thought to myself “if you just left me alone for long enough, i would have gotten in touch and things might have worked out!”

Instead i end up feeling pressured and i walk away entirely, because I can’t give them what they seem to need without feeling totally gross about it.

This might be totally immature of me. But I think this is what certain men do too.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 2:06pm
595: Starla says:

i’m hoping flowerchild is off on a vacation somewhere:)

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 2:07pm
596: Daria says:

i dont answer if im not ready either sometimes for very long

i feel triggered at it being called/questioned as immature – i feel very shut down and closed off with that and it reminds me of being yelled at to say something when im asked abusive disempowerin questions

i feel very solid in my non answering and it doesn’t trigger immature judgements to me

however instead i judge myself as weak or not loving enough when im not answering

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 2:26pm
597: Brandylion says:

Hmm, when I told a friend a little while ago what PriestCD told me Thursday about why he told me in December he wasn’t sure about entering the seminary (as an excuse for not falling in love with me), she said, “What a jerk! Weren’t you angry?” I don’t feel angry about it, and now I wonder if I should have or if I just processed all of my anger toward him in the time that we weren’t in contact…I realize no one can tell me what my emotional response should be and that all responses are valid, but I still feel curious.

I wish I’d come here in December for advice when things blew up. We’ve both agreed now that we probably should have split then, and I think I’d have had an easier time finding the courage to do so with the support and wisdom here.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 2:36pm
598: Sassy says:

Starla, thanks sweetie. My best gf says the same thing, that for whatever reason, he just wants to keep me hanging on.
And looking at it from what you just said, is probably exactly what is going on. He may have felt things were just getting too intense, who knows. I’m just going to stay right where I am, and try to refocus on other things. I waffle between “he’ll be back when he’s ready” and “sh$t, I’m never gonna hear from him again, how do I deal with that?”
I’m still reeling from reconnecting with someone I dated in high school (back in the stone age), us getting to know each other over the course of a year, albeit long distance, and late last year, he was found dead in his home. I miss him terribly.
Another cd that I had gotten close too for 8 months has disappeared too! He texted me in April that he had gotten a new phone and would be in touch more often, them he went silent again. I finally texted him to tell him I felt curious as to what had happened and he wrote back that he was taking care of his sick mother and working a lot. Nothing since early May, not even a “happy mothers day” text! I’m over these men!!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 2:37pm
599: Daria says:

immature doesnt cross my mind when it comes to not answering… instead i judge the other person as… not so much immature – but ‘out of control’ ie – emotionally immature

for not accepting my answer///silence

i judge them as abusive and draining and ‘psycho’

hmmm

therse so much judgement in this!

i want to heal all this

i do NOT like when soemone doesn’t answer me, and the sad loenly feeling i get in my chest at those times

i love my feelings

i want to heal all about this

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 2:38pm
600: Starla says:

593/594 this behavior is usually done by people who question their own emotions, good and bad, a lot, because they were especially invalidated in that way all the time growing up. they get paralyzed, not knowing what to feel and if what they feel is even “okay,” and just withdraw, but they never really ‘commit’ to withdrawing. Yeah they might go silent, but they’re not saying, “i will never speak to you again,” “thanks for saying that nice thing to me but i want you to know it means nothing to me now,” “is there anything of yours that I have so you can get it and move on with your life,” “can I have my favorite tee shirt back,” lol, etc. Their actions say one thing but they never own it with their words/responses, if you know what I mean. They want their limbo to see if their feelings change for the better first, because they question the validity of all their current feelings as it is. They still have hope that somehow things will magically right themselves, but do nothing because every way they turn somehow conflicts with their conflicting and varied emotions.

At least, this is how it is for me and how I’ve observed men like MyGuy handle things. They DO things, like not talk to you at all even to respond to something polite, that make you feel totally rejected and abandoned, but they don’t own it with the communication side of things. For attraction’s sake, this is good, because it shows you still have a hold on a place in his heart that he’s not ready to let go of. Even so, he may or may not poof forever (probably not).

But this makes for an unavailable man. i am also like this, always questioning my emotions and if they’re okay to have and react with, which makes me pretty unavailable too. I’m working with a therapist now on not invalidating my own emotions and not shutting people down when they try to communicate to fix a mutually bad feeling situation.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 2:45pm
601: Starla says:

i’m also pretty much attributing #600 to CF too now. I have this experience again and again with men, and I act this way, too, so I KNOW there is a lot I can heal here:).

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 2:56pm
602: Starla says:

omg, the oil pulling is causing my thyroid and lymph nodes under the jaw to detox, i can see it and smell it on that part of my skin!! This is amazing! I feel like I discovered magic. if it weren’t for sirens posting here in the past about how much they liked it, I would have never tried it because it seemed ridiculous to me. Hopefully I can get up early enough tomorrow to do it again:)

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:02pm
603: Emerson says:

600 Starla that is deep

I find it helpful and very insightful regarding my situation with Recycled.

I also feel curious/inspired about the oil pulling.
What oil do you use???

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:12pm
604: Emoticon says:

Starla what kind of oil are you using?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:14pm
605: Starla says:

Emerson, i used coconut oil last night and this morning but i hear sunflower is even better.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:15pm
606: Emerson says:

hmm interesting…where do I find this oil just at the regular store???

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:16pm
607: Starla says:

and emoticon:)

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:17pm
608: Emoticon says:

Oh I have some coconut oil at home that someone made for me back in St.Lucia. Pure coconut oil. I will try!!! OMG Im excited…..

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:17pm
609: Emerson says:

answered my own question
http://www.frugallivingnw.com/store-retail-deals/trader-joes-organic-coconut-oil-5-99/

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:18pm
610: Starla says:

yeah, or if not there, at whole foods/any health food store. it comes in a jar.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:18pm
611: Starla says:

i used unrefined extra virgin coconut oil

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:19pm
612: Starla says:

aw i feel so lit up and happy, one of those ‘influentials’ i mention sometimes emailed me to tell me how great they think my translation site is:):). i feel so glad people don’t look at it and think i am ridiculous and stupid!! aaahhhhh my NVs

it feels to be encouraged and validated to follow my passions. i always doubt my worthiness to do it.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:21pm
613: Emoticon says:

So should I use what I have? I dont feel like spending money.

Its made from the coconuts we have back home. We extract the milk and then boil it till it becomes oil.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:21pm
614: Emerson says:

thanks!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:22pm
615: Starla says:

*it feels (good) to be encouraged…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:22pm
616: Starla says:

Sorry emoticon i have noooo idea, but i want some of that oil just for food, sounds amazing!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:24pm
617: Emerson says:

OrangeCrush called me but I didn’t answer. It feels tiresome talking on the phone sometimes. It would feel great if he made plans to meet sometime.
Hmm

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:25pm
618: Daria says:

i feel so defensive over this not responding thing

for me, its the ‘walk away’ and i feel mad and scared being pushed to respond before i feel ready to

and also: i REFUSE

and i won’t

the silence is my power and my no

and i want to keep that

i find it healthy to walk away without saying anything

and then come back when im ready

even if its a year

last year i didnt talk to my godsister for 9 months

this year its been 6

i do eventually want to come back into contact

but right now i feel too closed off still

i dont want to text stuff like ‘can i have my tshirt back’

i dont want to ‘own’ anything attributed to the interpertation of my silence

all i own is my silence

im being silent

because it feels good right now.

it feels safe

and thats enough for me

i dont feel ready to speak

im feelin sad

im feeling pushed in my chest on a button

i feel angry

i Do want to communicate in ways that feel good to me

i don’t want to be judged for being silent

i judge people for judging em for being silent

‘they cant take responsibility for their own emotions so start blaming MY silence”

when all it is.. is silence.

its NOT closure, because its NOT closure

and i feel bad and uncomfortable being judged shamed prodded manipulated threatened coaxed arguied or cajoled into

agreeint its something its not

and donig something i dont want to do

im felein quite panicked in this imaginary scenario

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:27pm
619: Emoticon says:

Starla, I take a sip of it, it helps when i have a cough! I also used to use it on my head when my nasal passage used to be so irritated it would keep me up at night, my mother used to drop a little on the top of my head and I slept much better.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:28pm
620: Emerson says:

Daria 618 I like what you say here

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:32pm
621: Starla says:

I just typed up something long about silent treatments but then I felt drained so I deleted it. I feel sooooo exhausted trying to explain myself sometimes. I am not a very cohesive writer. I will practice more later when I am not intending to get my house cleaned up.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 3:54pm
622: Sassy says:

Daria, while I get what you’re saying and where you’re coming from, I don’t feel that this is why men go silent. If I have learned nothing else about them, it is that they are simple creatures that think totally dIfferently than we do. They act “in the moment” and if they don’t wanna talk to us, they just don’t. I have to believe, knowing what went on between JT and I prior to him going silent, is that it probably had nothing to do with me. My nv’s and insecurity tell me I did something to cause this, but I doubt if I did.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 4:26pm
623: Femininewoman says:

Emoticon that is the same way I have seeen coconut oil made. I believe the cooking causes it to loose some of the nutrients.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 4:47pm
624: Daria says:

sassy – im not sure why men go silent… im just working my own stuff

my own silence does kinda work like that though, as in in the moment, i decide im still not ready to talk

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:09pm
625: Starla says:

I wish I lived in the same city as coco kisses. i need someone to do my eyebrows! I don’t like their shape anymore and am too scared to change it on my own.

I wonder if I should let them grow and grow for a while and then start over with a shape.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:09pm
626: Starla says:

Thank you, Starla, for oil pulling
Thank you for taking my supplements
Thank you for laying out in the sun
Thank you for not staying out there too long
Thank you for washing my clothes and sheets
Thank you for putting my clothes away
Thank you for cooking me dinner and packing the left overs for lunch tomorrow
Thank you for inviting my best friend to come over later. I get so anti social and lonely and it would feel nice to see more of the people I really like and care about.
Thank you for voting for me all day long:)
Thank you for being gentle and flexible with me when I can’t get everything on the to-do list done. Thank you for being wise enough to know what to worry about later and not judging me for it.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:20pm
627: arrowofthyme says:

starla! that’s so beautiful.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:25pm
628: Sassy says:

Watching Adele on “live in London with Matt layer”. Her songs go straight thru my heart!!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:27pm
629: Sassy says:

I feel lonely a lot too lately. I’m so grateful for this safe place.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:29pm
630: Daria says:

i feel so lonely

am crying

keep seeming to attract men i can’t quite feel safe to let in to have sex with for one reason or another…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:32pm
631: Starla says:

i am terrified to try to wake up so early and go to a training session at the gym with this new trainer they hired. i am always late in the mornings and just can’t get out of bed. it’s going to be really rough, i’m guessing.

i set my alarm for early today so i would be tired enough to get to bed early tonight, but I actually slept through it until lunch time. i must have gotten up and shut off the alarm and went back to bed. don’t even remember doing that. so, oops.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:39pm
632: Emoticon says:

Feeling Overwhelmed…. CD that i met yesterday keeps begging me to see him tonight. I feel scared of him…. of men in general….

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:40pm
633: Emoticon says:

The 2nd CD that im in love with is asking a lot of questions about my location… hmmm. I left him in Maryland and came her to NY and he kept asking when am I coming back to him…. I wonder what he’s thinking

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:44pm
634: Emoticon says:

The CD i met yesterday left me two voicemails, one sounded odd like he was talking to someone else and the person said “dont drink and drive”

The second one scared me. It sounded so agressive. My voicemail is a prank. Makes you think i picked up, and tells you if u can hear me call back…. He said “I dont like your voicemail. Change it” It sounded so controlling and mean. omg… im scared now and i regret giving him my number

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:49pm
635: Emerson says:

634 Emoticon eww sorry you feel scared…you always have the option to not call him back….and he will eventually go away. I hope you don’t worry too much, he cannot hurt youthru the phone.

Must be a weird phone day..I returned OrangeCrush’s call finally and it sounded like someone picked up but didn’t say hello….??? Odd. So I just hung up. I started to text “oh I tried to call you back etc..” but then I decided against it. Just gonna go on with my day. He will figure it out eventually.

Been thinking about Recycled and how he has not contacted me at all but I always feel like he “checks in” now and then to see what I’m doing…to keep the door cracked open….It really doesn’t matter.

I am going on with my stuff and focusing on what I need to do…so whatevs…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 5:58pm
636: Emerson says:

(((Daria)))

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:05pm
637: Emerson says:

Now I’m so curious about this oil pulling…I cannot wait to try it. I need to get that oil!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:09pm
638: Emoticon says:

Thank you Emerson. Just remembered I gave him my google voice number. Which is what i give to guys. So if they get too stalkerish I just block them from calling and texting me.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:11pm
639: Emerson says:

I’m feeling impatient with OrangeCrush

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:18pm
640: Emerson says:

That’s good Emoticon…and good job being a rock star and meeting new people anyway!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:19pm
641: Daria says:

yay me! im feeling better!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:23pm
642: Emoticon says:

((((((Emerson))))))) thank you

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:27pm
643: Daria says:

thanks Emerson!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:28pm
644: Brandylion says:

I am literally aching to be held. I miss that so much, just enjoying the feel of another person in close physical contact.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:55pm
645: Emoticon says:

(((((((Brandylion))))))) me too….

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 6:57pm
646: Emerson says:

Brandy and Emoticon..me three….
This is why I’m feeling impatient with OrangeCrush…he’s very cozy/cuddly and I want to see him again. I felt excited when he just put his arm around me I felt surprised to feel turned on and literally a lil tingle hee hee….

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:03pm
647: sunshine says:

Ok I want to share that practicing Rori’s advice has been so helpful and frankly Im feeling really confident when it comes to men:) I am also enjoying dates however I have some questions:
1. Do you share with the men you are dating that your dating more than one at a time or is that understood for the most part? If you do share is it right away or after a couple dates? I ask because I havent mentioned it but am starting to feel guitly because I feel like im really attracting these guys I feel bad I even wonder am I the only one hes dating? I also feel ackward bringing it up, I cant help wonering if I will lose any CD men if they are dissapointed that they are not the only ones.
Please help this is really starting to bug me!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:06pm
648: Emoticon says:

OMG Emerson thats exactly how this CD is… he needs a name. I will call him AffectionateCD because he’s the most affectionate one and has been this way from the day we met.

He is sooo cuddly wuddly…. he never stops touching me and i love it so much, its been almost a month and now we are both really missing each other but are in 2 different states.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:06pm
649: Brandylion says:

#647: I seem to recall in Targeting Mr. Right that Rori says men assume you are seeing others, as they probably are too. I don’t think you need to bring it up at all. Wait until he brings it up by asking you for exclusivity.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:15pm
650: Emerson says:

648 Emoticon

647 Sunshine I would not bring it up or volunteer information…I feel there is no reason to feel “bad”…since they are not in a reltionship with you.
Also, if I don’t feel like answering questions that are too personal about who I’m dating or not dating, I remind myself I’m not REQUIRED to tell them the answer….

and I may borrow a script from Daria saying “oh I feel uncomfortable being asked that. I feel uncomfortable/akward talking about my personal dating life with a man”…..

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:19pm
651: Emoticon says:

He just sent me a txt msg “I need some affection and intimacy ”

boo hoo me tooooooo

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:21pm
652: ReceivingGirl says:

Hi Sirens!

I’m checking in again. I’m babysitting my niece tonight so they can have a date night.

I feel down. Issues with vacation and being bored, me & brother butting heads a little. I’m feeling a little irritated and crabby for that and a few other reasons.

Mr. Observant was so sweet before I left. He told me he would miss me. He called me right before I was supposed to board the plane to wish me a nice trip. He asked me to text him and let him know when I arrived. He told me if I’m bored to text him whenever. I was babysitting the first day and he called me and said how nice it was to hear my voice. We texted periodically. I really am missing him too.

Yesterday, I had a few moments to myself, so I called him. He was at his brother-in-laws and they were on their way to a party at our friends house. He seemed off in our conversation…a bit distant. I didn’t know if maybe he felt uncomfortable talking because people were around or what. I ended up cutting it short and saying I wouldn’t keep him.

He called me sweetie, asked when I get home and said he would like to see me and then said to text him later if I felt like it. I didn’t, but I did text him tonight. He still hasn’t responded and I’m feeling bad about that. I feel something is off, but I’m not sure what. I was really hoping he’d call me since he knows no one is here with me.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:22pm
653: sunshine says:

thanks Brandylion,
I just feel guilty with all the spending/ invitation. One of them told me Im the very first person hes ever met from online (moved here from Dom Republic.) Also, I can see how a guy would consider what Im doing as “playing games” that is a reason for why I feel guilty also. However, as we know with Rori its not games but a dating approach that to me feels good. I just dont know how I would word it for a guy to understand I dont intend to “play games.” From the impression Im getting there are mature serious men out there who appear to be turned off by this approach when they are more into just seeing how it goes with one. I dont know I feel confused! any thoughts?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:24pm
654: Emerson says:

aww Emoticon…
do you have a surrogate more locally?

I used to get bad bad withdrawals from ToxicEx…which is how I ended up with Recycled in a feeling stuffing toxic cycle…and eventually here I am semi-pining for any and all of the above including OrangeCrush! Ok not really pining but yah I could use some (naughty) snuggle time

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:29pm
655: Emoticon says:

Emerson I just came over here. I have one just one state away where my aunts live but his car is down, although he is willing to borrow a car to come see me.

I have another here. He recently became a CD, but has been a friend with a crush on me ever since we were like…13 or 14 idk lol. But I’m staying with him from tuesday to saturday so we will see what happens. Not sure if he will venture there since he might still think i only see him as a friend

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:33pm
656: Emerson says:

Sunshine Did someone tell you it’s playing games???
I feel that is so wrong…it is soo not playing games…any man who tries to say that should be reconsidered as a CD in my opinion..

Sooo…dating more than one guy is playing games?? Well what are you, sir, offering me? A ring? A house? A car? A baby? Hmm no? Well then, its a free country and I have the right to date many men until I find the right one for me…and I can be honest about that without divulging any details or betraying my boundaries….
in the meantime I doubt highly that these men are dating only ONE woman.

Hmmphf. Feeling defensive.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:33pm
657: Daria says:

wow this sexting stuff from the Texting the romance back is feelin REALLY fun!

like… i dono if more for me or what!

but its feelin EXCITING!

and cd is responding lol

me: “if u were here right now I would…”

and then he didnt asnwer so i write

“lock the door and…”

he’s like

“And what??”

heheheheheh!!!

just like the book said he would

so then i gave him the book’s test with some lil adjustments…

and hes like

then he’s like

n then? lol

hehehehhee awww this feels fun…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:36pm
658: Emoticon says:

Emerson you are so right. One CD said that to me, needless to say he stopped talking to me. We havent talked since february and I dont care. My mother is the only one worried about it (and her sisters lol) but honestly, he was in the worst position out of all CDs to ask me to not date other guys. To this day we have never met face to face!!!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:40pm
659: Emoticon says:

Daria, how much did that cost?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:41pm
660: Daria says:

i left it off in suspense

i wonder if CD is being a ‘good boy’ and quietly waiting for more…

or is he busy

hmm according to the book i think i can send more lol

or stop

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:42pm
661: ReceivingGirl says:

@444 Starla

Music has a big effect on me too. Certain songs take me back to times in my life. Happy and bad memories. I love it all the same.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 7:50pm
662: Emoticon says:

Daria those texts sounds mischievous like me, i would live to try that program

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:02pm
663: Emerson says:

Daria I like that…hee hee I feel curious just reading it what you will say next.
At first I thought whoa…is that masculine energy but then I changed my mind it’s more like playful energy…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:12pm
664: Starla says:

omg my best friend and I decided to go get some sandwiches to go from a place by my house that I’ve never been to, and the very interesting guy who helped us and was teasing me/joking around (i teased back) wrote his number on my sandwich with “grrrr…call me”

haha cute.

my friend thought it was pathetic and lame but it feels cute and innocent to me. I texted him, “I’m feeling really amused by the note on my sandwich.”

He replied. “amused enough to text me. I didn’t catch your name.”

I just said “Starla”

And thus a courtship is born.

Meeting men is so easy for me. I feel so glad that the universe keeps sending me these little reminders that I have nothing to worry about… that i can just focus on me for now and I won’t “miss out” on my chance for love.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:21pm
665: Starla says:

also, i went in there with no makeup on, hair crazy curly frizzy all over the place, in sweats and a baggy tee shirt.

(((((((((((((men))))))))))))))))

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:22pm
666: Emerson says:

665 Aww yay go Starla…what a cute story!!!! No offense to your friend but sometimes I’ve had the experience where friends act like that over something but they are just jealous…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:27pm
667: Emoticon says:

Starla awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that is tooo CUTE…. really sweet!!!

Emerson, I had that experience just yesterday. My friend kept telling me that the guys who were talking to me are creepy, n theyre only talking to me cuz my shorts look like underwear….and thet giving them my number is gonna get me killed

so not true…. but it gave my NVs some new ideas. Oh well i loved my shorts n i love my a$$ cheeks n think they deserve to see the light of day now that its summer. N most guys complimented me more on my eyes n my eyeshadow and told me i look like a model and that I was beautiful. No one even said the word a$$.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:30pm
668: Starla says:

she just didn’t like the guy. she thought he had a horrible attitude cuz his jokes were so dry they went right over her head (how she even stomachs my humor, i don’t know). I thought he was freaking hilarious. And I really appreciate that his texting was all spelled right hahaha, i feel excited for more attention from this guy. it would feel fun:).

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:31pm
669: Starla says:

ok wow i am checking my phone like every 15 seconds to see if he texted back.

pattern!

stop it, starla. charge the phone up like you need to and get ready for bed
((((starla)))))

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:36pm
670: Emerson says:

668 Emoticon you go girl I love your descriptions I can just see you out there that day having a blast and flirting!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:40pm
671: Emoticon says:

Thank you Emerson!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:46pm
672: Emerson says:

I have a friend who is the exact opposite and has encouraged me to be more open to different men and be friendlier! She talks to anyone and she is so fun and non judgmental…I love hanging out with her and she always strikes up interesting conversations with all kinds of people…she would never put me down for givin out my number or flirlting with any guy

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:49pm
673: ReceivingGirl says:

My girlfriend who I left at the bar last week, texted me a week later to say sorry for being an a$$ and that she pissed on my sidewalk. I haven’t responded yet. I feel like saying, yes, I felt very uncomfortable with the whole situation and I don’t enjoy being around her when she overdoes the drinking.

Every time she wants to get together, I dread it and worry about what she is going to get us into. It never feels good. I don’t invite her to my parties because I don’t feel I can trust her to not make a fool of herself. I feel embarrassed. I feel guilty for feeling embarrassed. I feel judgmental.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:54pm
674: Starla says:

I feel sad and judgmental and angry that he didn’t text anything back.

the voices in my head are saying toward him “you should probably say you found me to be cute or something, you idiot!!”

i think this guy has a message for me already, lol. and that message is to be patient and let go of my expectations. something i always struggle with.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:56pm
675: Emoticon says:

Just got a text from one of the other guys i met yesterday. He seemed so cute n geekyish. I just wanted to hug him!! He has a nice name too and this is the 2nd time he’s txtin me since i gave him my number less than 36 hrs ago…. how sweet is that?

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:57pm
676: Jessie1000 says:

I think the guys Im used to…my type are really agressive, they try to hook up the relationship/ boyfriend girlfriend thing immediately

They spend alot of money.

They want to know where I am and ask what are you doing.

They would never put up with me going out or doing anything, even coffee with anyone else.

Now, the warning flags go off.

I used to think they really liked me right away.

Now I realize those agressive ones are just agressive…in usually more ways than one.

They also can be assholes and insensitive to me.

The sensitive ones know its not fair to try to corner a woman after only a few dates, nor would they try.

The sensitive ones know that a smart woman should have her options open and they take their time not just to see if They are happy with me but to see if I am happy with them.

THe agressive ones would say I was a game player if I wanted to not date exclusively yet.

THe agressive ones usually want me to be traditional…in other words, I cook and clean and they boss me around…not necessarily my definition of traditional…lol

Control and fear is usually a part of this equation. They are not necessarily confident and so they try to order the girl around to keep her.

A good guy knows that insulting someone will not make her want to be exclusive.

A good guy knows that he has to work for the girl and she should get spoiled.

An agressive guy is great and clear but he will end it badly …probably with shouting and no friendship later.

A good guy will let u go and care as much about ur feelings during the relationship as after. Even if u end it. He will respect ur choice.

Its been a journey for me to see my interactions in finding my “types” and how I give in easy to agressive behaviour instead of holding out for a nice guy.

Kisses everyone

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 8:59pm
677: sunshine says:

Emerson, well no one really has straight up told me I feel like I put that “playing games” idea in my head, I do have a vision of Evan Mark Katz shaking his head with all his curls moving around dissaproving haha! I know I read an article on his in regards to not being into the CD concept…I feel worried I feel like ts hard for me to CD it feels so guilty I cant get over the guilt at the same time I enjoy the power of it. Im such an emotionally attached person that I feel CD would help with that but it feels so different…hard getting used to not feeling submissive bcause thats what Im used to. I sadly am used to the man feeling the power, calling the shots and me pathetically a puppy awaiting his orders and feeling different feels reallly weird!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:01pm
678: ReceivingGirl says:

Yay, Mr. Observant texted me. I feel so much better.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:01pm
679: Starla says:

now i am in bed reading my favorite blogs and articles and sippin on chamomile tea:) ahh, i had such a nice feeling weekend. (((((((((weekend)))))))) and tomorrow I get to leave work a couple of hours early for my laser hair removal appointment. i have to get up very early for the trainer, and even earlier to do some oil pulling. But the nice thing about the 20 minutes for oil pulling is i can use that time to check my email and blogs in the morning:)

i already set out my gym clothes and packed clothes for the office.

I have big ol’ sunglasses to wear to the gym, so i can still look glamorous without makeup. I feel excited to see how the vibe of the train differs at the earlier hours! I see the same people every day on the train, and I feel curious about the early crowd.

There is so much in life, especially little things like that, to get excited about!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:02pm
680: Starla says:

i still miss cf like crazy:( (((((((((((starla)))))))))))))
but i’m letting him and everything associated with waiting on him go, at least until my dating strike is over.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:10pm
681: Emoticon says:

Am i imagining it or did someone say it was masculine energy to ask questions. Cuz i really wanna kno where this CD is from he sent me an email and his name is so interesting

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:14pm
682: sunshine says:

Jessie 1000
I am now reflecting on how when I date a guy who is kind and sweet I feel good with him especially if hes a gentlemen, if anything those are the ones i feel bad with the most not the aggressive ones. If I imagine it, with the aggressive ones I would feel scared about CD and him finding out. With the sweet kind guys I would feel guilty and want to instinctively delete my profile right away and hope he doesnt find out. This is what goes on in my head but not necessarily what I actually do atleast not right away

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:14pm
683: Turquoise says:

Hmmm…. Noticing I don’t have to have sex for my oxytocin withdrawal feelings to perk up. Been thinking about NASA a lot today. We texted while he at the airport for his flight to LA and he sent me a pic of a double rainbow on the Tarmac. I replied that I wished I was flying somewhere today and he said, to Aruba with me? I said, I like the way you think!

I’m enjoying hearing from him and our two dates have been fun. I’m going to have to keep myself in check to not get ahead of myself.
Oh, and FYI, I wrote to him first on pof. With no expectation, but he asked me out right away.

I am heading to bed… Quite sleepy. Goodnight sirens!!!!!!

Starla, sandwich guy sounds cool

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:16pm
684: Turquoise says:

Hi hw! You are not invisible! Sounds like you handed that well.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:16pm
685: Emoticon says:

OMGGG this guy speaks french… way 2 go, the universe sent me someone to practice my french with. Thank you MAMA UNIVERSE!! It was def getting rusty

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:25pm
686: ReceivingGirl says:

Hmmm…still feels off.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:26pm
687: Emoticon says:

I need to practice my FMs in french now… wow… opportunity for growth

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:27pm
688: Emerson says:

Sunshine I would take EMK’s words of advice with a grain of salt. What are his reasons for being against CDing? If a man is not offering me a relationship committment and I’m not even sure about him to begin with….HELLO….then why would I take myself off the marke??? Duhhh

I prefer Rori’s philosophy. I spent waaay too many years dating one guy exclusively only to find out he didn’t want to be with me or I didn’t want to be with him and then I had to start from scratch…whilst in the meantime I’m turning GOOD MEN down for dates!!!! HOW does that make sense/

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:30pm
689: Emoticon says:

Emerson I agree totally. I only dated this guy exclusively for one year but then in the end i felt like it was a wasted year when i could have started dating one fo the awesome guys i met who i told i had a bf… which i didnt. we were in an imaginary relationship…. only in MY head lol

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:35pm
690: sunshine says:

Emerson yeah i see what you mean why invest in something that might not be guaranteed? I can think of a friend this very moment who has been living with her guy for about five years and hes in his 30s. He doesnt seem to be taking the next step and shes an amazing girl! stuff like this really erks me and I feel intrigued by Circular Dating…
EMK says that no guy would be into dating a girl who is dating other men in the long run of things. I wonder if thats true. Also he says something about how in love one cant control destiny and thats part of any relationship but its part of life to take that risk…to me that feels crummy but I wonder could that true? anyway thats what he says

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:47pm
691: sunshine says:

I have to examples for and against:
-Ok so as mentioned my friend who is completely devoted to her guy who wont propose is a reason for Circular dating
-Reason against is a male family member who used to have his player days and then on his own decided to find that special girl to commit to and get serious. He met her at a store and they exclusively dated for no more than six months and married. They are now happily married for about six years I think…
Anyway Im CONFUSED. If I want a commited man shouldnt I attract that to me? and lead by example? hmmm
Im going back and forth I cant make up my mind about this!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 9:55pm
692: Radiant Rising says:

EMK isn’t the only one who says that about not having control of destiny (or about CDing). Other coaches have their philosophies as well. As far as the control thing I whole heartedly agree (I think Rori does too). Attraction and love doesn’t thrive on control. You can’t bottle it up and cage it. It is more a leap of faith that’s why in essence it’s so wonderful. Another coach Marie Forleo says if you want guarantees in love, you don’t want love. We do the best we can. We open our hearts and become vulnerable. Some relationships may last, others may not. In either case, each experience serves to teach us more and more valuable lessons, tools and greater insights about ourselves. So aside from loggia tics of say CDing, I notice this is the one common factor all dating coaches convey.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:00pm
693: Radiant Rising says:

Everyday is a new day to fall in love, and see what new gems love will bring to us. If its destiny were controlled we would miss out on its life giving luster. That’s how I feel about it anyways.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:04pm
694: Radiant Rising says:

EMK feels that one way to let go of control in love and be open to love is by not CDing, and Rori feels like the same thing is done by CDing. Either way the gist is the same (hence Rori’s be surprised motto), and the options are whatever you choose. I just realized that.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:09pm
695: sunshine says:

Thanks Radiant Rising. I feel good thinking about how it doesnt have to be a certain specific way its all about being open and willing no matter what

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:33pm
696: Emerson says:

What is EMK’s cutoff? Should we be dating exclusively or the guy “might not like us” for a year or two or five? Does not make sense.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:41pm
697: Emerson says:

Dating ONE guy means that the pressure is ON….I think that is what ruined some relationships…and it comes to that point of ultimatum like is this working or not? Is he going to propose or not? and then you ahve to “break up” and date a new guy…whereas if you are CDing you dont have to break up you can do Rori’s 3rd way and then keep CDing other guys you may have passed up because guy #1 was taking all your attention and then ended up NOT committing, or cheating, or whatever!!!!

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:44pm
698: Emerson says:

This is so triggering to me. Does EMK forget that women have a biological clock and men really don’t? they have much more time to dilly dally

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 10:45pm
699: Lucy says:

Rori is actually flexible about exclusivity. She advised me personally to go for it with my guy.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:07pm
700: Lucy says:

As far as EMK goes, though, he kinda has to say what he says – otherwise he looks bad for making his wife wait.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:08pm
701: Emerson says:

699 that’s just it Rori is flexible about it and does not shake her head like,,, oh no guy will “be serious” about you if you are dating other men…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:16pm
702: Emerson says:

I’m feeling a lil irritated by all this BS talk about EMK. But it really doesn’t matter and should not bother me at all.

I am feeling turned off by OrangeCrush atm he is turning into phone/text buddy and I’m feeling BORED……..

Don’t think I’m going to reply to his texts for a while.

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:19pm
703: Emerson says:

Sirens how do you verbalize times for texting or calls…??? I don’t want texts or calls past 9 or10 pm…thinking of a good way to say it…

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:20pm
704: Emerson says:

I feel sad that I feel turned off by OrangeCrush. Why is he texting and calling but not making plans????

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:21pm
705: Emerson says:

Ack i feel myself losing hope and spiralling…

Spamming the blog when I just need to go to bed

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:23pm
706: Emerson says:

702 I meant the BS talk about EMK’s philosophies because Idon’t subscribe to them so to me it’s a bit of BS I didn’t mean that directed at anyone

Sunday, 3 June 2012 @ 11:24pm
707: Tam says:

Good morning!
Pfff, struggling….a Monday morning, time is not moving, grey skies. Mr Unavailable contacted me again after two weeks silence (although we are not fb friends he definitely checking my page once a day, as he ‘conveniently’ contacted me during my date with Bald CD…who is busy posting on there).
It strikes me as funny but it gets on my nerves also, that every time I find enough distance to get on with my life, and after the ‘silent treatment’ – he is back. I wonder if he knows how that makes me feel, but I doubt it because he just sends light hearted stuff like ‘looking forward to you coming back’ and telling me about his future plans and asking me for my input on his career and plans etc.
I still enjoyed my date with bald CD, but think he likes me a lot now and I am not feeling much, just friendly feelings…so I worry about what will happen on our next date. Hm.
I feel a little annoyed. Also when I read that so many of us have these ‘silent treatment’ issues. I don’t even think it’s necessarily men keeping us on a string knowingly, but that’s how it feels. I don’t want to hope for contact – and then it comes when I had almost given up – and I am back to the beginning. It’s a stupid cycle. Why all the dilly dallying? Urgh.
Either you want someone or not. That’s my view. Step up or step out of my way on my road to happyiness and stop holding me back!!!! GRRRRR

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 2:18am
708: Rebecca says:

I feel sad that you haven’y contacted me
I feel jealous of all the other women in your life who you talk about so passionately, who know you so well
I feel sad that I may never see you again
I feel angry that you have shown little interest in ME
I feel sad with the way life is
I feel lonely and long for your touch
I feel obsessed and wonder if this is unhealthy… I worry, worry, worry about this
I feel sad not to touch you and long for your touch
I miss you. You are physically so near, and yet so far.
It feels like torture
I feel angry towards you
I feel abandoned by you

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 2:25am
709: Ella says:

Feeling very happy, lovely, lucky and blessed atm.

I want to say Thank You to all the Sirens here. It feels SO good to know I have this support here… it honestly helps me feel strong and able to cope with life in a way I haven’t had before.

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 2:59am
710: Radlove says:

Emerson,

703 – It depends on the time and the context. If it is about that time and you are talking, I’d just say, “I feel sleepy. I don’t want to oversleep tomorrow for my job.”

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 3:39am
711: Radlove says:

I feel excited about going to my first day at work today! I could barely sleep!

I am going to still be on the blog, of course, but I’m going to miss being here so much! And I’m determined to not fall back into naughty work habits like I did before, writing on the blog at work. Trying to be more and more responsible when it’s boy energy time.

Have a beautiful day!

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 3:48am
712: Tam says:

Aw, good luck with the new job Radlove!!

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 4:19am
713: Lizka says:

I’m feeling paranoid this morning… My NVsnare doing overtime and making up unbelievable stories.

Shut up NVs!!!!

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:02am
714: Sirenity says:

653 Sunshine.

I have said versions of the following to men re CDing..

Him ” so have you been seeing anyone lately?”

Me ” Well I go out with friends and I enjoy getting to know people. It would feel good to know YOU better.
You know I am looking for a special man in my life but I dont want to be an instant girl friend . It feels better to keep our options open until we are sure we want to take that next step and become exclusive”.

I had one guy complain that he had been dating someone who shocked him by announcing she had been seeing someone else at the same time and was now in a relationship with that other guy. He was really angry.

I said something like ” That feels sad to hear how angry you are. Actually I agree that dating several people is a good idea while the friendship is still uncommitted . Once both people are sure than it would feel great to discuss exclusivity..”

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:02am
715: Starla says:

(((((((((((Lizka))))))))))))))))

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:08am
716: Starla says:

I did actually succeed in getting up early, even though i hit snooze a handful of times. I am now oil pulling and relaxing. swish swish swish swish.

I had a dream that my high school sweet heart, the only other man I intensely loved (but I was just a baby), asked me if I still loved him. And I told him yes but my heart was broken by CF. At which point HS guy said he loved me but it didn’t “feel right,” and there was no convincing him otherwise!

How sad. I cried into his chest when he told me that and I could feel how bonded and loving we were in my dream.

Just weird.

Anyway, three cheers for me for getting up very early, for oil pulling and taking my supplements, and soon i’ll be off to the gym to have my butt kicked by my trainer before work. I did it! I got up super early. Yay!

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:15am
717: Femininewoman says:

Emerson I don’t think there is a need to verbalize that. Men will do what they want to do regardless of what you say. Bringing it back to you maybe something like putting your phone on vibrate/silent and letting them know your turn your phone off at a certain time. That is what one cd tells me. He says it is his phone and he is not paying for a phone to keep him awake so he tells everyone the time he silences his phone.

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:24am
718: T-Girl says:

Lucy, this is very comforting to me that Rori advised you it is ok to be exclusive. Especially since this coming weekend is my big move in with my guy. I am very excited to begin this new chapter of my life!

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:32am
719: Femininewoman says:

From what I have seen my understanding from EMK is that we should dump guys who are not treating us well and relationship ready from early on. I believe he suggests not cdating when with a great man who is relationship ready. Also for me the truth of the matter is that Rori style cdating is not about finding a mate. It is more about become clear about oneself. As such when guys ask me I say sometimes that I am dating but it is nothing serious. I find guys don’t get scared off by that.

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:33am
720: Starla says:

ugh, i feel so tired. this really sucks. i must really love myself to get up this early and try to transform my miserable mornings.
The truth is, though, if I were still in bed right now, I’d only be half-sleeping and feeling upset about CF. Better to be taking care of myself than feeling helplessly sad and angry. Either way, I’d be tired all the same.

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:33am
721: Femininewoman says:

“You can see a progression of how you are on the inside by the kind of man that shows up”

Rori in Modern Siren

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:41am
722: Francesca says:

NVs are strong for me too this morning.

I’m reading about silent treatment and trying to focus on the fact that he has the right to spend time alone too.

I know he’s not calling because he’s not feeling like he has much to say.

He’s still moody because he’s not been called for his new job yet.

It’s already June and he’s still waiting, this is not normal for him.

But I can’t help thinking that he doesn’t need me to support him during these times.

And I know it wouldn’t be fun for me to be with him when he’s all moody like that.

I always end up trying to pick him up and it takes a lot of my energy to do that.

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:44am
723: Brandylion says:

Emerson, #703: I simply state that I prefer evening calls, not past 10 pm. (I may revise that to 9:30 so that all business will have been conducted by the time I’m winding down for bed.) Of course, I usually tell them this when I give them my number. I don’t think you have to give a reason, but you could deliver it in a FM if you want.

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:45am
724: Angela says:

HI Sirens,

I’ve been catching up on reading the blog and I feel confused. It seems that there are so many Sirens that are initiating contact with their men then feel bad, sad anxious, etc when the men don’t answer or respond.

A siren who is truly is listening to Rory knows not to initiate. But also, if you do initiate why began to worry. You made the choice to lean forward, why not do something to keep yourself busy and not worry about what the man is doing when the Siren clearly was in the wrong for initiating contact.
I used to initate contact on occasion with men but in the last 2 years I have not with any CD’s because I don’t like the wondering and the feeling of being disappointed when he doesn’t answer or another woman answers his phone or you hear him in a bar when he said he was going to be home in bed or when he picks up and hangs up without saying anything.
Its too much drama when a Siren initates and then has expectations.
Why give Rori so much credit about her work when a Siren’s just gonna overfunction and lean forward anyway???
I just feel confused….can someone answer that???

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 5:48am
725: Tam says:

Ermmmm…not sure Angela, but I don’t see anyone making contact so much on the blog but rather bemoaning some men not stepping up and initiating contact….that’s what I see. Feels more like a support network to NOT make us step forward, this is why we write here. Is there something wrong with that? (I am triggered..haha).
I don’t initiate contact either, but if I am not emotionally attached or waiting for an outcome, I would because I don’t see that much wrong with it. With men, women, friends etc. I mean, we are still people with social lives, not just sitting at home waiting for men to make contact. I thought the tone of Rori’s programs was to get a life, get busy and be authentic and true to oneself first and foremost.
And let the men do their job of pursuing us.
It’s not a science though. People slip up, we are humans? Perhaps that goes some way to explain?

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:07am
726: Francesca says:

Radlove, good luck on your first day at work!

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:09am
727: Tam says:

OMG, OMG I have to share something super funny with you!! Mr Unavailable contacted me and ended the mail with ‘your plutonic friend’…thing is he is super intelligent, so how can he make such a freudian spelling mistake??? It’s super funny….does he know he’s toxic..hahahaHAHAHAAAAA
Hilarious. I am falling off my chair…

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:09am
728: Francesca says:

Starla, getting up early will become a habit once you do it often enough.

I know you said you’re not a morning person but if you tell your body to wake up earlier, after a while, it will become automatic.

It’s just a new pattern to develop.

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:16am
729: April Rose says:

Tam,

Is he Plutonic?
Qualities of Pluto include intensity, possessiveness, and secrecy.
On the higher mode there can be extreme purity and devotional qualities.

Do any of those things describe your ‘friend’?

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:28am
730: Angela says:

I see what your saying Tam and I’m also seeing Sirens initiating with CD’s. When I stopped contacting men I didn’t have a support of Sirens or newsletters to tell me what to do. I didn’t even know or hadn’t even heard of Rori. With such a huge support group I feel amazing now. Theres’ too much support and love on this blog to even want to initiate. I agree with you when you say Rori teaches to get a life and get busy. Then there should be no need to initiate with a CD.
I’m still confused.

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:29am
731: Femininewoman says:

Angela I can see where you are coming from. Yes, on and off I have seen people writing that they do initiate. But remember people are experimenting to see what works. Also in the past Rori has written articles encouraging people to initiate and see what happens when we operate in masculine mode.

crackingthemancode.com
http://www.mindmovies.com/inspirationshow/index.php?episode=91

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:36am
732: Francesca says:

Healing Waterfall,

No, you’re not invisible.

I always read your comments and enjoy reading them.

Sometimes, I don’t have answers for your questions and/or I feel awkward writing what I would do in a given situation.

but that doesn’t mean I’m ignoring you.

And fwiw, I feel invisible here too sometimes.

And other times, I feel unworthy to ask for advices here when I do have someone in my life, even when I’m feeling the way I do now (alone).

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:38am
733: Ella says:

This is a nice sit about wealth: http://www.abundancetapestry.com/what-is-wealth-consciousness/

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:47am
734: Angela says:

Thank you FW I will check that out!!

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 6:59am
735: Brandylion says:

I took down my OkCupid and PoF profiles last night in preparation for my trip this summer. I need to figure out how to do the same for my Match profile. I actually felt better when I did, like freer and lighter.

I’ve been thinking more about that Christina Perri song I posted a few days ago (the lyrics include, “I believed all along I would find you / Time has brought your heart to me”) and an exchange I had on Facebook with a male friend from high school last week. He said that he knew what he wanted and was patient, and then locked it down when he found it. He said he knew probably within the first two weeks, and certainly within the first month, that she was the one he wanted forever.

There is someone out there looking just for me. There *really* is.

I realized yesterday that my experience with PriestCD, having someone special in my life again with whom I could envision a life together (up until December, at least), showed me that I am *far* more ready to find someone and settle down than I’d thought I was. I still feel a little afraid because that’s such a big change from the life I have now, but, man, do I want it!

Patience, patience, patience. Go live my life and be fully me, and it will come.

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 7:11am
736: Iamabutterfly says:

Hi, Sirens! I was talking to an engaged female friend of mine the other day, and she was trying to get me to tell her how I felt. Even though we’re friends, it was so hard for me to tell her!

Me: “I feel…uncomfortable.”
Her: “What is making you feel uncomfortable? Shyness? Embarassment? Uncertainty?”

It made me feel jealous that she seemed so good at pinpointing emotions.

((((Healing Waterfall))))
((((Francesca)))))
((((Other sirens who feel invisible))))

I haven’t been feeling invisible on the blog necessarily, but I have been feeling invisible in REAL LIFE (even worse.)

Trying to focus on myself and my relationship with God. Writing in my prayer journal, trying to do it every day. Things always get tough around Day 5 & 6 for some reason. Like my life starts falling apart…

Feels so strange…

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 7:14am
737: Tam says:

@April Rose…that’s too sweet!! Probably too nice for him, I thought more on the lines of Plutonium…. but I will save your sentences… thank you

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 7:18am
738: Sassy says:

New thread up

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 7:19am
739: Brandylion says:

Whoa! Something just really clicked for me.

When I spoke to PriestCD Thursday and we had a post-mortem of our relationship, he asked if I thought I would have fallen in love with the real him (since I’d told him that I realized when we had our issue in December that the man I loved was just an image of him I’d constructed in mind in the absence of some critical information about who he is and the lens through which he views the world). I said no at the time.

It has just dawned on me that if I’d known when we met about just how deep he was into his faith, I’d have been much more reticent to date him. I do believe that we women have the ability to fall in love with any man who treats us really well. I’d have made him, not through game playing but through “playing it safer”, work a lot harder to get my time and attention. I was definitely attracted to him, and if I’d restrained myself more–which would have happened organically if I’d known just how big that gulf between us was–he’d have had to *really* step up to win me.

I probably wouldn’t even have agreed to see him exclusively once the summer was over, and he’d have *had* to plan visits better if he really wanted to have my time and to see what he could have with me. That could have triggered a forever-feeling in him, which was the *key* thing missing that made him decide to end things. All of the yucky feelings I had in this relationship didn’t crop up until I realized he wasn’t falling in love because he wasn’t acting like it.

Duh! This is exactly what Rori says can happen with exclusivity and laser-focusing your attention on one man! Oh, I love the part of myself that has to learn lessons the hard way! (((me)))

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 7:32am
740: Tereana says:

Lol peezy weezy! Daria, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard it called!

I wonder if being on here could chase all our cycles to line up. Lol. I bet it could happen! Bodies are weird. Quantum mechanics and all that (those of us that still have to deal with cycles, that is ; )

I feel grateful that I have my period, because it means I can have babies. But man, it’s such a drag! Lol. I only feel happy when I get it, because my head clears, and I no longer feel anxious waiting for it. But it’s getting better. I had a dream about it recently, and it wasn’t a nightmare, so that was an improvement… : )

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 3:22pm
741: Evan Marc Katz says:

For what it’s worth, EMK (now speaking in the third person) thinks you should be exclusive with a guy after no longer than a couple of months. He has all the evidence he needs at that time to forgo other women. I wouldn’t sleep with him until he was your boyfriend either. If, after a few months, he’s not stepping up, dump him. Move on.

This is where it gets interesting.

Because if you do have a boyfriend (meaning: he’s sleeping with you exclusively, calling you every night, leaving his weekends open for you, talking about a future, integrating you with his friends/family, calls you his girlfriend), it will now take, realistically, about two years for him to figure out if he wants to marry you. This is not only very realistic but very wise. Because the longer you wait to get married, the less likely you are to make a colossal mistake. Chemistry usually wears off between 18 months and 3 years, which is another reason to delay proposal. That’s when the smoke clears and you realize what it will be like to be with a flawed man for the rest of your life.

And while I appreciate your concern, especially if you’re in your late 30′s, early 40′s, two things are particularly ineffective in making a man feel like he wants to marry you:

1) Pressuring him before he’s rightfully ready.

2) Dating other men.

If he’s a good, relationship oriented man who wants to be married, but hasn’t figured out if he wants to marry you, your best bet is to give him time. If you start pressuring him or actually dating other people because you don’t have your answer, I respectfully submit that this will backfire on you.

I know there are many women – especially Rori – who disagree with my assertion. That’s your prerogative. My job is to explain what men think. What you do with that information is up to you. But the only reason that I ever write about this stuff is that I feel particularly strongly that this one particular aspect of CDing will not have its intended effect. In fact, it will have the opposite effect – it will make a man who was highly considering proposing to you second-guess your entire relationship.

The thing to do when you have realistically had enough (which is closer to 2-3 years), is to simply break up with him. You’ll have a lot more leverage at that point, since he will have considerable sunk costs and have a hard time picturing life without you. Either he’ll step up at that point, or he’ll step out. But at least you will have respected his reasonable time table instead of pushing him way before he’s ready. The reason that we date you – the reason that we call you our girlfriends – is in order to figure out if we want to spend 40 years with you. It’s quite reasonable for him to take that responsibility seriously and not buy a $10K ring and risk half of his assets until he’s really, really sure.

And as anyone who’s been in a 2+ year relationship knows, things do change from 6 months to 3 years. You should be constantly evaluating whether HE’s a good husband material for a few years before you’re ready to say yes as well.

Look before you leap, Sirens. And respect the fact that if he’s a good man who wants a family, he’s really trying to do the right thing.

Oh, and for the one reader who mentioned me and my wife. I proposed to her in 16 months because she was 39 and I wanted kids. It was very risky and I wasn’t sure I did the right thing. All of my other friends who married 40 year old women waited 2-3 years before proposing. Those women are now happily married because they waited instead of CDing.

Good night and much love.

Respectfully,

Evan

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 10:33pm
742: Tereana says:

Hm…I want to say thank you to EMK for writing that. I think he articulated something that’s been bugging me for a while, and which I think I’ll write more about on the next post…Thanks, EMK!

Monday, 4 June 2012 @ 10:56pm
743: Linda says:

Ahh yes EMK… I circular dated until I met the the man that I felt a connection. You are so right about the two year thing. Things did change and in the end he step out and I did not argue. He was not good partner material for me at all. I am 53 now he was 55. The more I learned and saw and was exposed to the more my stomach churned and heart grew cold.

It was hard to let go of the time invested together and the good things between us, but I kept always feeling like he imposter and was occupying the space life for my real partner, lover and friend. The man who i am really looking for.

I did not ever say that out loud because we dont have to be outwardly hurtful. This is afterall not a struggle to have the power in the relationship, but more about guiding what is right for us.

Linda

Tuesday, 5 June 2012 @ 2:02pm
744: Valencia says:

Hi rori I need some advice I feel confused and lost. My fiance last year he cheated on me and the only how I found out was when I went to the doctor and she told me I had an STD. I confronted him and he said he wasn’t. I started putting the pieces together, his late nights, his coming home at mornings, his breaking dates with me, his lying about his whereabouts, him not answering me when I call him and then is when I realized yes he has been cheating. I left him and I went to stay with my sister 3 1/2 hours from where we live. He kept begging me for months to come back I told him know because I don’t trust him. The couple times I did see him 4 months after I left it seems he had stopped and that he was miserable without me. It took me 8 months to come back to him after he propose to be 3 times because I was being cautious.

After I came back here everything seems to be going fine and the feeling that he was cheating wasn’t there anymore. 3 months after I got back here that nagging feeling kept coming back again saying he’s at it again. I kept asking him and he kept getting angry and telling me i’m crazy he doesn’t care about me i’m this and i’m that, knowing full well I was right about him. One day I am driving the car and i don’t know if I had a guardian angel or what but my phone fell between the seats and there looking back at me is a condom. I ask him what it was doing there he tells me it must have fell out the neighbour’s pocket because he was driving the car. I didn’t believe and I still don’t believe it. Next I found condoms in his shirt pocket he tells me they been there since 2009 yet the expiration date says 2016 and i was told that a condom has a 4 year shelf life which means he just bought them and not back in 2009. He had a portrait of a female and tells me it’s his friend’s girlfriend but I am not stupid why would he walk with a big portrait of his girlfriend on a 1 week trip. Next I found female clothing and he tells me they belongs to his friend’s girlfriend and that he will call to have his friend tell me about it. Thing is before he called infront of me he went to the bathroom and told his friend he was going to call him and he should tell me that those stuff belongs to his girlfriend but he doesn’t know i know that.

3 days ago while he was asleep that same little voice kept telling me check his phone. I kept telling myself no i won’t and that voice kept saying don’t be naive check the phone. So I went through the phone and he’s been making dinner dates, lunch dates, movie dates with 2 different females. Right now a handful of them are mad at him because from what I read they believe that he is playing them. When he tells one he’s coming to her house he’s at another one’s house or he’s home with me. He will be here talking to them and making dates then he will get up take a shower get dress and leave and then tell me he going to do something for a friend or he going down the road to come back some lie along that line. My instincts kept telling me don’t believe him he’s lying and my instincts was right on the money. I have spoke with 3 of those females. One said she left columbus to come see him here where we at and he stood her up and I can only think it’s because he was with another one. He uses the neighbor as his crutch. He tells me he’s going downstairs to see the neighbor and ends up in another females bed. He would say he’s going to take the neighbor someplace and end up in another females bed. He’s been telling these females he love them, he need them, he cares about them, he want them in his life, he miss them and promising not to leave them. The same sorry lines he feeds me everytime I say I will leave.

He tells me his mother say this and that about me but if I know his mother like I know my mother and if she is the god fearing woman he say she is there is no way she will be giving him bad advice. Rori I am fedup. I love this man and I put 110% of myself into my relationship. I don’t talk to anyone I don’t cheat. Men have ask me for my number and I have had the strength to say no, no matter how delicious they may look. I am 31 and life is short, I am not in high school, I am not a horny teenager that I have to go open my legs to everyone that tells me I’m pretty or give every man my number who ask for it. I have class about myself, I have ambitions and I will not play games like that. I have 2 children of my own and 3 stepchildren (his children) and I live for them. I just don’t know what to do right now. He’s being heartless and none-caring and I know that is not how he was raised. I have told him he needs to watch himself because he will mess with the wrong female and end up get hurt worse than he’s hurt anyone. Please advise.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012 @ 11:42am
745: Rori Raye says:

Valencia – With a man who LIES – I see no hope ever – I would have nothing whatever to do with a man like this after the first bout of lying and cheating. Have you seen the movie “Shame”? Great – and it makes me think of this man. I feel bad for him because he will not have you. I know you’re feeling this way, too – and just want support to do it. Go live your life…don’t let any man hold you back like this…. Love, Rori

Wednesday, 13 June 2012 @ 4:02pm

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