I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of psychic ability and psychics. I’ve taken sessions with lovely friends who are psychics, like Ann O’Brien and Lisbeth Kimbrough and Lorrie Kazan, and “channelers,” and “intuitives” and “sensitives” – and when they are women (and men) I love and feel good with and trust – I welcome their insights – as long as they do not even MENTION anything about or “in” the future.
I do NOT believe that ANYTHING is predetermined. I believe that everything morphs (even that bacteria and cells in our body that we label “bad” at one moment can turn “good” in the next…and there’s science to back that one up…).
I do believe that we are driven to repeat situations over and over until we learn what we need to learn from that situation, even from that pain, and that to interrupt those “patterns” takes the work of self-awareness and the willingness to move into the unknown: the “unknown” being everything that ISN’T in the patterns we’re so used to repeating and re-enacting.
Here’s a letter from Maureen that lets me jump off a bit into this:
“Hi Rori :
Remember how I was telling you about that guy in France that has a girlfriend…?…well, she ended up calling me and telling me that she is his wife …drama. Which is not true (she’s not his wife) – in any case – too much drama so we ended our chats (me and man)..
What amuses me is that I have been attracted to these men that I have to win somehow over someone or something somehow it hurts to see that I do that to myself. The thing is that I never win or never have won..and of course it leaves me feeling that I am not good enough…
After I broke it of with the man Jim, the doctor I told you about who was married – I was devastated and felt lost so I went to a psychic that I have know for 20 years and of course what the cards showed was a broken heart and a women devastated and in pain..and she said that I had a curse from someone in Peru and that I had bad karma with men and bad luck and all of that it really hurt me and it brought me back to so many times when I have been told this when I was younger and very susceptible.
Of course she offered prayers and stuff for which I would have to pay more money… I told her that I would pray myself… She also told me that I wouldn’t be able to get over Jim on my own, that I would need her help… And that I wouldn’t meet anyone else significant for another few month or years ..sounds dreadful…then of course I buy into this or feel like a victim of this.
But of course when things like this happen I do feel cursed I do feel bad and wrong and maybe even self punish because I feel bad about wanting to take someone from someone else…Maybe I end up doing it to myself
I don’t know why I do this and this happens over and over – or is all this propelling me to move forward and stop all this behavior that is so detrimental to me…? I ask God for help and guidance but it seems to come too late..or not soon enough. Help, Maureen”
Here’s my answer:
Maureen – I have serious problems around psychics – (read my “Highway of Love” article).
This psychic is SO wrong – no curse exists.
My friend (she’s on my Commitment Blueprint program) Virginia Feingold Clark can help you with this – she’s a great relationship coach AND a hypnotherapist, so she can help you undo some of your programming that’s driving you to hurt and punish yourself. You can email her from her fabulous blog – ItsNeverTooLateToMarry.com
I send you to her not only because she’s a great coach, but because she has her own story about being gullible to psychics, etc. (it’s all in the book she’s writing – It’s Never Too Late to Marry, and I’ll be the first to let you know when it comes out…) – and so her story will resonate with you…
Maureen – this is going to take work – on YOU, for YOU, with YOU, by YOU.
Coaches and therapists can help you – but the work is YOURS to DO.
There’s no way around you putting in the work to undo your old, useless patterns.
AND – it’s not that HARD! It just takes baby-steps and the willingness to put one foot in front of the other in the easiest, most fun way possible.
The baby-steps will get you out of the pattern – that’s all it is – a PATTERN – that you can BREAK…you’re just not getting there yet – but you WILL!!!!
This is a major league thing you have to do for yourself – dabbling won’t do.
You have to study spiritual stuff, you have to do the exercises, the breathing, the meditation – you have to work with someone who’ll help you get through your triggering.
AND – you have to LOVE YOURSELF through it all! That’s what I’m here for for you…to see that what’s going on is you’re pushing through your old patterns!
When you feel anxiety, and start to retreat to old behaviors, that’s your clue that you’re about to breakthrough to another level – that you’re about to peel away another layer of your “onion” – that you’re about to “lose” some props and defenses you’ve depended on most of your life.
It’s a signal of real CHANGE.
You are in transition, and what’s happening is that you’re fighting change, and that’s why you feel so bad – but….this is GOOD!!!!
Just stay aware of how bad these kinds of men, and all this punishment you’re heaping on yourself – with your own self-blame, and by “hiring” men to beat you up emotionally – FEELS to you.
As you get more aware, you’ll start to get rid of all these guys in your life EARLIER, and EASIER.
You can do this to help you move more quickly – Circular Date JUST to try out new kinds of guys and lots of them, and you’ll see – it will get better…
A “curse” – to me – is a “pattern” we are unable to see or feel unable to break.
And what’s important to know is that the pattern was ours to create – even if the pain that triggered it (the first step in the pattern being the first coping skill we created – like lying or going numb or attacking and defending, or smiling and pretending to be okay, or deferring and apologizing and bowing and scraping, or pleading and begging) was triggered by someone else.
It was US who developed that coping skill – a skill that was truly meant to PROTECT us – and turned it into this never-ending and self-dooming pattern that shows up like an armed guard even when we don’t NEED its protection.
The time for that kind of “protection” is long past.
That kind of protection only keeps us from LOVE. It closes down and covers up our hearts and makes us feel like we’ll be lost without it.
It’s like a horrible, narcissistic mother who teaches you that you will not survive without her – and so you believe that.
But not only will you survive WITHOUT that protection – you will THRIVE without it.
Because that protection brings a horrible pain of it’s own. In order to “protect” you from the original pain you suffered – it stops you from having anything you truly do WANT.
It smacks you down, punishes you, tells you you’re guilty of something (you’re not) and then makes you beat yourself up over ever little moment along the way.
It designed the pattern, keeps it alive, applies it to you regularly and at the drop of a hat, and keeps you IN LINE.
It SAYS it’s there to keep you “safe” – but what it really means is that it keeps you LOCKED DOWN.
I want to unlock you.
Unlocking doors that have been long shut in your mind, heart and body require fortitude. A bit of bravery. Willingness. And practice.
Practice alone will undo and unwind and decimate these old patterns – and if you take it in baby-steps, you won’t feel so scared that you automatically stop yourself.
But you WILL trigger the Nasty Voices inside you that speak from the “pattern” and want you to stay locked down. That want you to say “in line.”
Just keep saying NO to the old and YES to the new.
I totally, on top of the work you do for yourself, if you can manage it financially – suggest you invest in help – real coaches with real track records – and commit to doing the Tools and loving yourself 24/7!!!
Are you game!?