We Have To Choose

Sometimes all we have are what seem to be bad choices. And still…we have to choose.

We have to choose between many men or one man. Between this man or that man. Between having children and freedom from responsibility. Between commitment or half-way-there. We can either fly or walk. Walk or crawl.

Face a man toe-to-toe, or throw ourselves on the ground, our arms clinging to his ankles, begging him to drag us along.

We choose every moment between telling the truth or telling a lie. And we make that choice within ourselves nearly every moment.

We make a choice to stress and tension to contain our emotions, or to sinking in, softness, and feeling our emotions.

We either stand tall on our own side, following our instincts and intuitions as best we can, or we look for and listen to other people tell us what to do.

We can embrace, love, and enjoy the power of our inner Stranger, or we can shove her aside and try to live “good.”

We can honor every human being, even a man who doesn’t want what we want, or doesn’t want to do what we want – or we can rail at him and the universe for the “injustice” of it all.

We can love everything that IS, everything that happens, or we can fear and hate it.

We can make every choice every moment, and never run out of choices.

We can blame ourselves and anyone else for the choices that don’t turn out the way we’d like, or we can accept and love ourselves and anyone else anyway.

Nearly anything feels better than despair.

Rage can be helpful if you love it, feel it, hear it, and don’t do whatever it SAYS to do!

Hope can feel good, or it can trigger our universal belief that we don’t DESERVE good things, and so make us feel worse.

But we can CHOOSE, every moment, to NOT buy into our universal mantra of “I’m not good enough, I’m not good period, I don’t deserve this, everyone and everything else is working against me….”

We can CHOOSE, every moment, to look around us and see that we’re alive, or we can retreat into our heads and cut ourselves off from life.

We can choose to see life as our lover, our friend, our biggest champion – or we can choose to see life as our enemy.

We can even choose to see life as neutral toward us, and so we reassure ourselves that living is just sort of being “neutral” to everything WE see and experience.

Let me know what you’re choosing between…every moment – the big things, the little things, all of it.

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

829 Comments to “We Have To Choose”

1: Femininewoman says:

Choices, choices

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:58am
2: Femininewoman says:

We can choose to see life as our lover, our friend, our biggest champion – or we can choose to see life as our enemy.

We can even choose to see life as neutral toward us, and so we reassure ourselves that living is just sort of being “neutral” to everything WE see and experience.

I feel resonance with these two.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:02am
3: luzydel says:

I have been telling to myself; I do what I want… it feels good to do what I want; I don’t like imposed rules. Who says I have to do things a certain way. What about doing what feels good?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:03am
4: luzydel says:

I am Looking for this in the men I encounter when I am dating myself…

Serendipity means a “happy accident” or “pleasant surprise”; specifically, the accident of finding something good or useful while not specifically searching for it.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:04am
5: Goddess Lily says:

I’m just now starting to really get the concept of choices.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:11am
6: Femininewoman says:

Try: “Oh, I felt so overwhelmed with all the paperwork,” or “It felt like it flew by, I felt so caught up in how fast the sales were flashing across my screen,” or “I feel so great being home, all curled up on this chair with the kitty in my lap. Oh, she feels so soft. I can feel her purr.” (Notice more feeling messages.)

With your consciousness in your body, your feelings, your heart – and out of your head, business, facts and logic – your intuition will now kick in. You’ll be able to sense when the conversation runs out of steam.

You’ll be able to tell when he’s had enough phone time. (Though, if you share your feelings in this “Goodnight Talk” style, he might just suggest he jump in the car and come over just then.)

You’ll be able to say “I feel so relaxed. I feel like I could just drift off here with the cat,” and he’ll say “Sweet dreams” instead of “Well, I’ve got to go now.”

Creating Deeper And Deeper Attraction In Him

The Goodnight Talk is an example of how to talk from your feeling state.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:21am
7: Radlove says:

One of my issues is when I get upset, be it sadness, anger, or pain, it often takes hours for me to process those negative feelings, before I can function and focus again. I know Rori’s tools, but it just takes me so long.

For example, I woke up to an email this morning that angered me. It has been 1.5 hours, and I am still fuming, even tho I have already thoughtfully responded with feeling messages. Any ideas on how to make the process speed up so I don’t waste so much time feeling angry, sad, or hurt?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:28am
8: Starla says:

Hey Ladies, I wanted to update you about WarriorCD and his texting me when I said to him I didn’t want to text but it would feel great to hear his voice. I think it’s really important that I share this with you. I know it’s long and there are probably too many details, but the moral of the story is worth it. So hang in there;)

As you know, I let him know last Monday that I didn’t want to text anymore but that it would feel great to hear his voice any time. I didn’t hear from him until Thursday, when he texted to see if I wanted to go to the gallery openings the next day. I ignored the messages, and then later that night he texted to see how I was doing and then some silly stuff about winning 2 tickets for a cruise (not sure what THAT was about, lol… i think he was having a man drama moment). I continued to ignore the texts.

The next day he texted me late in the day “well I guess let me know if you still want to hang out this weekend.”

I continued to ignore. Some of you ladies had said to me that he wouldn’t “get it” if I ignored him. That he didn’t realize (despite me telling him directly) that I just didn’t want to text, and that he will take it personally if I leave him hanging. I felt too bored and turned off to really try to navigate this one, so I just kept on ignoring the texts.

Then on Saturday evening, he called while I was napping. He left a message, saying “hey hope you’re okay, I haven’t heard from you all week… and I wanted to see if you wanted to go to breakfast with me and my friends tomorrow, call me back if you do.”

Then he called again a few hours later. I was still sleeping.

Then he texted that his calling was an accident the second time (yeah right… you’re just having a mandrama moment, teehee.)

So finally the next morning, I called him back. I didn’t act angry that he had been texting all this time, or that because he didn’t call as I had asked, we never went out on Friday night like we had halfway already planned. I put a big smile on my face knowing that I stuck to my boundaries and value, and politely turned down his last minute breakfast invitation. He asked if I would want to go to dinner later. I said I might and to call me later and we’ll figure it out. He was with his friends so I let him go.

Well, he didn’t call until 6. I was headed out the door to take myself to dinner. I told him so (with a smile on my face) and he seemed so disappointed.

Then he said, “so you’re really serious about the no texting thing…”

HE KNEW. HE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME. HE KNEW BETTER THAT HE SHOULD HAVE JUST CALLED, BUT HE WAS TESTING MY BOUNDARIES.

I said, “yeah… ohh and it feels so nice to hear your voice:)”

he said “texting is such a great form of communication!”

I said “ohhh it just feels so boring and disconnected to me… i feel really uninterested in it right now.”

he said “so you’re gonna make me wait another day to see you?”

yes.

and then he said, “you never call me!”

silence….

then he said “well if you still want to get sushi tomorrow, you call ME”

I said, “ohh i totally want to get sushi with you… it would feel better to just firm up plans right now… what do you think?”

and plans were made.

The moral of the story is that even though I felt mortified he would just poof, that he would think I’m crazy for not answering texts and not calling him first, or that he would forget my request, A MAN DOES KNOW BETTER. HE KNOWS HE SHOULD BE CALLING YOU. HE KNOWS HE SHOULD BE MAKING THE PLANS IF HE WANTS TO SEE YOU.

So, sirens, don’t be scared to carry yourself and approach dating as if you’re worth the very best. you’re worth phone calls and firm plans. you’re worth real connection and hearing his voice on the phone. you’re worth a proper greeting and a proper goodbye, with a standing hug and a kiss after safely being seen to your door.

Say once or twice that you want these things if you have to. And if he treats you like you don’t deserve it, plays dumb repeatedly and ‘forgets’ or he disappears, MOVE ON.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:34am
9: Starla says:

Warrior does give me some guff for my requests. He acts like a a bit of a bratty child, to be honest… he is trying to negotiate these things and make it kind of ‘suck’ for me when he gives in. For example, yesterday when he called me, he was preoccupied with something. I have a feeling he did this on purpose. It’s a cute game, lol rolling my eyes, but in the future, I will say “ohh hey you seem distracted, and I don’t wanna compete for your attention so I will feel happy to talk to you when you’re not so busy:)”.

Or when he dropped me off at my door and gave me a hug, he ended up resting heavily/uncomfortably on me because he was “sooo tired” (too tired to even walk me to my door, is the point he was trying to make.).

So he’s a bit childish in this way. And I will either keep using rori raye style messages to communicate my needs, or I will get irritated and turned off and decide that he is not at all for me, even as a CD.

The other thing I don’t like is the way he just sits there and makes an entitled kissy face to kiss him.

It might be ‘cute’ on some guys, but the thing is, he is an alpha male, and i think he’s very used to women doing a lot of the work for him.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:38am
10: Tam says:

Reading this article feels good. Reminds me not to despair over things/people…but sink into my feelings.
Right now I feel dread over having to deal with another financial problem.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:38am
11: Tam says:

Interesting about the testing of boundaries Starla…they do try to. Inspires me to stick to mine!!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:40am
12: Femininewoman says:

Tam share that need on FB is what I would do and see how many of the men you are friends with offer to help.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:42am
13: Goddess Lily says:

Yay Starla! I feel renewed by your story.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:46am
14: Tam says:

12 FW – genius

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:00am
15: Tam says:

I am manifesting a knight in shining amour…who will take this damsel in distress away from all the nasty things, like Condo’s leaking and strange men napping in her bed….and treat her like a queen.
That’s what will happen.
And if not, I will live also.
Ha!!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:17am
16: Tam says:

..ok, at least a nice man for dinner maybe. Lowering my expectations now

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:18am
17: Calypso says:

Hi Sirens!

I’m back from my quick trip to the beach with JC. We really only had 1 full day there, but it was a wonderful day – 85 degrees and we swam in the ocean and ate oysters and crab legs and had a lot of fun.

Something still isn’t quite right within me, tho . . . I’m trying not to analyze it too much or push myself to understand everything right now – I know it is a process. I still miss GM and being there at the exact same place I went with him a few months ago did not help. I even got a text message from GM while I was there with JC – he saw on FB that I was there and could not resist bothering me. It was no big deal – the thing that is bothering me is how I feel when I’m with JC – sort of harassed. he picks at me constantly in a way that he finds fun, but I find tiring. I don’t even feel like giving examples right now – I’m just happy to be home and back at work and not have him in my personal space 24/7. he is fun and tries really hard to please me – we did everything I wanted to do this weekend, but sometimes I just want to RELAX and not have to talk or lsiten or have somone rubbing on me or wanting me to rub on them – a weekend was almost too long :/

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:18am
18: Belle says:

8
Starla I hope that Rori uses this as a post in the future…
of course they know.
*facepalm*

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:23am
19: Tam says:

Calypso..hmmmm….give it some more time?
I know that if I spend time with a man I don’t feel really into, i e ‘want him’ to rub me etc etc, that it just makes me longing for the man I am or was ‘really into’. That is the only trouble I have with CDing. It doesn’t help me ‘get over’ a man at all…but it does help me to practice staying open and practice my dating skills.
So I hear ya.
Sometimes it makes me feel more lonely and hopeless and then I spend some time getting in touch with myself and checking in with me – do I want to keep doing this? I take time out etc.
Sounds like you also had lots of fun with the guy though, he might grow on you..

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:34am
20: Starla says:

I used FW’s suggestion of posting on my fb something I want, and one of my CDs stepped up within 5 minutes. He had said in passing he would do this before, but i didn’t take it too seriously.

thanks fw

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:40am
21: sunshine says:

Radlove, I feel I can relate for your frustration of the long processed negative emotions. Here’s my theory at least for myself, hopefully it will help. I think that part of the reason is simply the judgement of feeling them. In other words the frustration of both feeling the “bad” feelings, and also the frustration of it taking so long…can be the possible reason for a longer process. Rori says many times to Really Feel your feelings, but atleast for me this is a huge challenge. To Really feel means no judgement, at all. This isnt easy and for me its the hardest with negative feelings. Anyway if you feel like punching a pillow and writing a fake letter (you dont actually have to send it to anyone), including cursing, insulting and whatever, do it. Its hard for me to not feel like a “bad’ or “mean” person, but Im encouraging myself through it, hope it helps.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:44am
22: Stargirl says:

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Mark Twain

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:52am
23: Tam says:

Ladies, about my plumbing problem..almost exclusively women have expressed that they are sorry to hear it…hahahaha!! No men stepping up…too funny. The story of my life

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:57am
24: Annie says:

1107: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

“The advice that these 2 women give me is “quit complaining, accept his way of giving you love and appreciate it, be there in the present moment and really enjoy them.”

This sounds so much like my experience of Dominique and Rori. They might not say “quit complaining” but that is how my mind translates sharing positive FMs.”

Yes I agree and feel synchronized that is also my interpretation that Rori and Dominque are saying

“quit complaining, accept his way of giving you love and appreciate it, be there in the present moment and really enjoy them.”

but my mind does not translate quit complaining to sharing positive feeling messages.
That is not my translation.
My translation is don’t complain and focus on the behavior you don’t like, but connect and focus on yourself and how that makes you feel. And express authentically whatever negative feeling comes up, not making him wrong or responsible for that feeling. And then taking care of our own negative feelings, deciding if it is a deal breaker or not and then taking 100% responsibility for those feelings and choosing the action that is in our best interest to take care of ourselves and get to a better feeling place.

An example of this for me is when the negative feeling of jealousy and not wanting to share our man with other women, if he wants to give time and attention to other women and that feels bad to us and we feel jealous.
Rori recommended to not complain or focus, center in on the mans behavior in a situation like this as it does us no good.And is coming from a place of fear about losing him and it gives our power away. But to get our personal power back, express our authentic feeling in the moment, not making him responsible for that feeling, loving and accepting our negative feelings as well as our positive feelings. Putting the focus and center back on us and deciding what we want, what we want to tolerate and if it is a deal breaker or not. Totally accepting that he can do what he likes, live his life however he chooses and then taking care of our own negative feeling and taking 100% responsibility, not blaming him and then doing the loving action for ourselves that is in are best interest.

A

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:58am
25: Calypso says:

Tam – Yes, I will give it more time with JC. he is good to me and we do have fun together and when it is time for us to be apart, he lets me have my space. he even knows he is bugging me while he is doing it. I’m not super attracted to him physically – he is shorter and heavier than I would like, but we are good in bed together and I don’t want to date anyone else (except GM, of course), so there is no reason not to give us time to see if the attraction grows or at least the irritation at having to be with someone all the time – I actually prefer to sleep alone and it bugs me to be “held” while I am trying to sleep. he is forever touching my face and I don’t like that either – I want to snap at him “Get out of my face!!!” – lol, but I don’t.

GM was so different – he was not into public displays of affection and was not a huge talker either – we could ride in the car and both be perfectly happy being silent. JC wants to talk or he wants me to talk, but he does not listen when I talk anyway and I don’t always feel like talking – ceertainly not early in the morning – it does not mean I’m in a bad mood – i just enjoy the silence. I kept shouting in my head yesterday morning on the 5 hour car ride home, “For the love of God – shut up!!!” . . . not very feminine – lol

We have another trip planned next month to the mountains. I love traveling and seeing new places and JC wants to do a lot of that with me and he can afford it, so i hope I can figure out a way to relax and enjoy it a little more. I wish it wasn’t so hard . . . it should not be this hard . . .

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:59am
26: Tam says:

I am in moderation…oops, feel like a naughty girl now.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:05am
27: Tam says:

ooooh yes, i like shared silence too calypso..

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:06am
28: Annie says:

Cont. My interpretation of expressing positive feeling messages and appreciation to me are for authentic moments for when he has done something in the moment that feels good to me.

But if he is doing something that makes me feel bad to be authentic and express that nf without blaming or making him responsible.
And certainly not ignoring them and making my negative feelings wrong. But to love all of my feelings negative and positive.
And accept they are part of who I am. And realize tolerate feeling bad. And I have a choice if I want to be there and accept that or not.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:08am
29: Silver Moonbeam says:

#7 Radlove

I very very rarely get angry these days, I think what has brought me to this point is reading lots of self help books like Dr Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williams, Byron Katie, Don Miguel Ruiz, Abraham and many many more and watching endless youtubes and DVD’s and listening to CD’s in my car.

Maybe do a little searching for what resonates with you.

When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:11am
30: Dominique says:

Annie – 23 – Yes this is very well said.

I would like to add though that expressing every negative feeling is not necessarily suggested.

I find it helpful to sit with the feeling for a bit, see where it’s coming from. Is it really about what he is or isn’t doing or saying, or are you really having something else going on, and this is what triggered you in that moment, eg. you aren’t feeling well, or your boss yelled at you for something you did or didn’t do, etc.

And then it’s worthwhile to ask yourself if this thing which is bringing up bad feeling feelings worth addressing. Are you maybe projecting some of your own stuff? Is he mirroring something back to you?

If after this, you still feel sure it’s all about whatever it is he’s doing or not doing, and you still feel bad and want to say something, then do so.

For me, I may sit on these feelings and questions for days so that I get really clear on what’s REALLY going on with me.

I often let most things go unless it’s a pattern of behavior or something I feel really strongly about, the latter happened but once. I find it’s almost always something within me and has nothing really to do with him at all.

Remember bringing things back to you? Something I feel strongly about. It really does come back to you in some way most of the time

xxoo

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:14am
31: MissStix says:

Radlove 7

This does not compute in my brain. If my anger clings for hours I let it cling. Write it out, do the dishes, do whatever. Focus the feeling into the task instead of focusing the focus on the feeling…I focus on the feeling in the beginning to sink in and really get to know it, but then I zoom out and retire to simply feeling it. I hope that makes sense. I just feel resistance to “wasting time on anger…” To me it doesn’t register anymore as wasted time. It just is, how I am, in this time that is passing.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:17am
32: MissStix says:

Starla 8

*skips around throwing sparkly confetti in the air*

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:21am
33: Imogen says:

Starla, you’re brilliant. And you’re an inspiration. Thank you for sharing. I want to be like you someday!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:22am
34: Starla says:

wow, another CD on the same FB thread is like “i’d love to take you too….”

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:28am
35: Femininewoman says:

YW Starla

Calypso your comments remind me so much of a couple in my life. The man absolutely adores his wife but she is not touchy feely as he is. I saw her snap at him once in an annoyed but not in a rude way and he knows she is like that. She also has talked to me about being in a way to make sure the marriage works. I guess it is about the love language preference. I would also experiment with talking about my preferences.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:29am
36: Goddess Lily says:

Done with happythankyoumoreplease. Awesome! Onto 27 Dresses. Loving this lazy day!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:29am
37: Starla says:

aw thank you, ladies:)

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:29am
38: Goddess Lily says:

Starla, what did you put on fb?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:31am
39: MissStix says:

Starla

And now you know. Maybe he is a resistant type person and maybe that feels irritating, but he has just proven he does GET IT! Which, to me, is most important. Even if he grumbles, and drags it out a bit…He gets it and he’s willing. Good start at the very least.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:35am
40: Starla says:

g-lily, i put, “I reaaaally really want to go to a haunted house. If I get to do that and nothing else this Halloween season, I will be happy:)”

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:39am
41: Butterfly Wings says:

1107 LiliBee from previous thread – I suppose for these women they’re prepared to “accept” it.

I am not sure I could accept it if TH went away for the third time without me.

I am starting to wonder if we’re even meant to be, and I am sick of the drama. I’ve never had this drama before. Ever!

I feel like putting it all behind me and moving on…

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:39am
42: Starla says:

MissStix 38
And I think this is where “accepting men as they are” comes in. Can I accept that he is gonna be like this, but that I will ultimately get my way? It’s kind of like all those sit coms I see with the bumbling husband who resists pleasing his wife but ultimately just loves her to pieces and wants to be a hero in her eyes.

i can accept this, for now. but just for now… maybe i will be able to accept it long term, but i dunno… just feelin it all out.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:43am
43: Tereana says:

Radlove – re #7

I guess riffing would help. You could write it out (to yourself, that is)

Or in order to “process” it better, take a break from trying to do anything else and just concentrate on feeling what you are feeling. Pay attention to it. Usually, for me, that helps break it up and lets it dissipate faster. Trying to “run” from it or “make it go away” doesn’t work. Because it usually just fuels the fire. Giving it space to breathe (without juicing yourself up and increasing the feelings) helps start the process of letting it go. Residual thoughts or feelings might still be there, but they won’t affect you as much. At least, that’s how it works for me…

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:44am
44: Belle says:

I feel so triggered right now
my heart is pounding so hard
I feel like I’m going to need to ask for help and I feel like I might vomit at the thought of it
The guy who asked for my number last week, K, just showed up in my office a few minutes ago.
I was caught off guard, and didn’t really register that it was him at first, and I said, “Hey..” as he came in my office. Before I had a chance to say I felt uncomfortable one of the other guys came in to ask for help so I ignored K and walked out.

I feel sick. I trust my gut that he’s up to no good. I don’t want to be his friend, he is not my friend, and I want him to stop coming into my office.

I’m considering talking to my supervisor and asking what he thinks
ugh, tightness in my chest, collarbone, throat constricting
I feel heat and prickles rising up my face
I feel like it’s somehow my fault, because I didn’t initially protest and let him hug me
My heart feels so dark and heavy
I don’t want to explain myself
I just want him to stop coming to my office
I don’t want to hear his problems about his gf and his wife
I don’t want him to touch me
Pressure is receding
(Rules! There are rules about this kind of stuff at work, dammit! *giggles*)

I feel scared to tell my supervisor because then it will be out of my control and I don’t know what will happen
I don’t want to feel like I have to face this and handle it all alone, either.
I feel like I have nowhere to turn here right now, no one to trust, like I’m turning in circles and circles and facing a lot of menacing faces and nowhere to protect my back.

Does this pattern want to change?
Hahaha, helllz yeah!
I feel lighter, now.

Okay…I can tap on this

K has been coming into my office and I’ve started feeling very uncomfortable with that. I want him to stop, and I don’t want to seek him out directly to ask him to stop, and I don’t want to have to handle this all alone. What do you think?

Hmm..
What do y’all think??

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:48am
45: Starla says:

I’m not sure EXACTLY why I don’t hold on to negative feelings anymore. They usually pass within 5, 10 minutes, tops. I believe daily exercise (the kind where your heart rate gets elevated and you sweat) as well as omission of all stimulants, along with a very healthy diet, has cured me of my extreme moodiness. Now I’m more even than most anyone I know.

I started smoking w33d lately again and I noticed it makes me dwell on some negative things if I overdo it, but that’s just me. I know it keeps some people verrrry happy.

Avoiding alcohol is even more key.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:48am
46: MissStix says:

Tereana 42

I like your take! I like to just sit with feelings sometimes toi. But, depending on the reason for the feeling, sometimes I do like to juice it up. Especially with rage feelings and anger. Simply because it feels satisfying. I feel fully cozy with juicing it up, for my own benefit, for a short period of time. But I suppose not physically “lashing out” comes fairly easy to me so it feels safe.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:49am
47: Starla says:

Belle,
I think you could just tell him

“hey K… my work place is sacred, sweety… we’ll have to find some other way to connect”

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:52am
48: Butterfly Wings says:

It’s almost 3am and I’ve been reading for most of the night, just trying to take my mind of what’s happening with TH.

I am not planning on “doing” anything about us right now, and he’s leaving on Friday for 3 weeks so there’s no hurry. But I really do feel that although he’s a good guy as my intuition is telling me, he’s just not THE guy for me.

I just really don’t think I can do this anymore… I am totally over it…

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:52am
49: MissStix says:

Starla 41

Very nice. You definitely don’t have to accept it long term if you don’t want…But doesn’t it feel good to be aware There are so so so many other aspects of men to be aware of too so keep on keepin on till you find all those aspects you’re aware of mingling nicely in the right man for you!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:52am
50: Belle says:

There is something really scary-feeling in this
about
yes, it felt good physically, when he hugged me before and
no I didn’t really
“want” it
My body responds before my mind makes sense of it
and
I feel defensive
like,
I should have been all like, “STOP” as soon as he walked in just then
but it took a bit for me to process exactly what was happening
I feel ashamed
like I did or am doing something wrong and
am getting someone in trouble or doing something bad to them
oh
f*ck
that’s it
I feel like *I’M* doing something wrong,
but dammit,
like Starla said,
these guys
KNOW
what they are doing
He
KNOWS he’s not right
Nice,
big sigh of relief
He
KNOWS he’s up to no good
and I’m sitting here shaking and feel tears rising like
*I* am the one in the wrong?
I’m not saying he’s “wrong”
but he knows he’s being shysty
Oh, good, the anger…
grrr!!!!!
So funny how I have had the habit of turning other people’s shady behavior around on myself and blaming me!!!
I don’t have to go the opposite direction and blame him, but I can stand up for myself
Oh, that’s totally a co-dependent pattern of feeling
gut-wrenchingly horrible
to stand up for myself.

Hey, pattern, do you want to change???
((Belle))

I didn’t do anything wrong
he knows better

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:57am
51: MissStix says:

(((belle)))

He has crossed a line for sure…My instinct would be to say “what are you doing here?” but I know, like you, it would not just come out easily.

Have you envisioned just waiting, and speaking to him personally, later, after you get off work? I wonder how that might feel for you…

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:04am
52: LiliBee says:

Radlove,

What you resist persists.
Resisting our feelings is what delays the processing of our feelings and delays the bad feelings from flowing out to make room for a new different one.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:09am
53: LiliBee says:

I finally did it.
I shared with D about what it felt like for me when he was open and honest with me.

His response was: A huge long sigh with breaks in it, you know like when we feel overwhelmed with an emotion.
Then he said: “We have to find a way to be together.”

Sinking in to how I feel…I just feel peaceful and serene…letting him be…letting him figure it out on his own.
I didn’t ask how or when or even if, and I didn’t suggest anything.

Meanwhile sinking into my feelings, looking at what I can accept, what I can’t, what feels good, what doesn’t.
Looking at how I feel in his presence, how I feel in other men’s presence while I have been practicing letting them get close…

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:17am
54: Tam says:

Ah BW, cut yourself some slack..it’s not easy.
Ultimately, what always makes me feel better about myself is admitting that yes, I miss him and all the stuff we used to do together, the long conversations etc., but you know, it takes two to tango. The fact that I sit here alone now and meet other men just shows that he isn’t there…and I can’t dance the dance alone.
In some ways that also frees me, because it means there is nothing I can do other than accept that, and do my own thing and find my own happiness. Is it easy? No.
But there is no alternative. I am not banging on his door. I have nothing to prove, and nothing to ‘fix’.
It helps me to look at it that way.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:23am
55: Queen Bee says:

I love that I’ve learning to choose me. It’s so refreshing to my soul.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:30am
56: LiliBee says:

40:

BW,

I keep rereading 1 of Dominique’s posts in my mind where she says something like:
K is totally free to do what he wants and he knows it…he doesn’t, he feels fine and content just being around with me.

Brings me back to: Whatever triggers us shows us something to heal.
She doesn’t have a trigger about it, so it doesn’t show up in her life for her to heal.

Looking and feeling my way around that and other triggers, I always get down to “I am enough, I am worthy, I don’t need to compete with his buddies, his work, other women…to prove that I am better than, to prove that I am worthy, to prove that I am enough…I have nothing to prove. So having nothing to prove, the buddies and whatever else is taking him away from me no longer feel like a threat. I can just relax and BE.”

That thought just makes my wall crumble down.

I can’t do that wall anymore, I just can’t. My wall is all about the drama.
I can’t do the drama anymore, it has felt way too exhausting.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:36am
57: Daria says:

“We can even choose to see life as neutral toward us, and so we reassure ourselves that living is just sort of being “neutral” to everything WE see and experience.”

mmf i’ve been seeing life like this and it feels so Solid.

umf

also i feel worried that it will ‘test’ me with ‘hardships’

i want to heal this

i intend to heal this

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:41am
58: Tam says:

Lilibee, oh yes:
‘I can’t do that wall anymore, I just can’t. My wall is all about the drama.
I can’t do the drama anymore, it has felt way too exhausting.’

In fact, I think it used to take all my energy, like an evil leech. Drama. Being inauthentic. I still have the capacity for it but I am trying hard to shift.
Speaking authentically and feeling is much harder than creating drama and defense…but I am hoping that the energy it takes away from me, will flow back to me in other ways.
I just can’t do the drama and pushing away and acting out on my insecurities without awareness anymore..and as I get aware of it I feel sick and depleted. I feel exhausted of having done this for years, hid behind a wall in a fantasy life and been angry that nobody wanted to be part of my fantasy life. Time to drop the front. Feels so hard to do but it’s so worth it. Those that I lose through this, I will lose gladly.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:42am
59: Tam says:

moderation again. Sigh, was just a post on your post Lilibee and how much it resonates with me. Drama depletes my energy now.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:43am
60: Daria says:

oh yah about triggers also realizing being beatn in childhood leads to that ‘aquiescing to authority’ thing and also rebelling/sneaking around it and thsu brings those experiences like getting imprisoned hmmm

i got that ! go D im healing and practicing and life is on my side

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:43am
61: Belle says:

Starla

I don’t want to connect with him any other way, I’m not trying to be this guy’s friend and he isn’t a CD

Miss Stix
I don’t want there to be an opportunity outside of work!

This is a growth edge for me, to not be Ms. Nice Person, I don’t have to be everybody’s friend and turn a blind eye to crappy behavior

I feel a lot calmer and safer now

I am shocked that the had the nerve to show up again, but that’s what boundary-busters do
so no more Ms. Nice co-dependent and I’m allowed to bust his b@lls because he is way out of line and I am not interested being his friend.
Ick.

NO MORE MEN WITH WIVES AND GF’S, UNIVERSE, DO YOU HEAR ME???
I
AM
NOT
KIDDING!

I feel smiley and giggly now

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:47am
62: Daria says:

like running away or giving in to being arrested or states of ‘giving up’ when would be much likely to not attract or not ‘give up’ so easily in those situations ;; when totally able physically to protect oneself

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:48am
63: Linda says:

This post makes tears well up in my eyes.

Life is all about choices.I know it. Even the choice we make toward the not so great things in our life.

I feel failing. I feel frustrated and negative… I am focused on what I want that I dont have.

It seems like there is so much out of my control. My choices are in my control though. My responses are in my control.

I feel like crying…I feel impatient

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:51am
64: Femininewoman says:

Me too LiliBee, me too. The wall, the drama, too exhausting. Too much tension. Too sickening.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:52am
65: Femininewoman says:

Yes Linda, thank you. I can feel what I feel and choose.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:53am
66: Tam says:

(((Linda))) oh yes.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:56am
67: MissStix says:

I will get my divorce over and done with by the end of this year. Yes! That feels freeing!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 11:07am
68: MissStix says:

And, I release the belief that I have to pay for it. Yes. He will pay for it. It is only $200, but this will feel huge and free and I will know how much progress I have made by this happening.

Now…How to begin? I will finally have to go visit him at his bar.

I will say “I really need this to happen, and I can’t afford it. I need your help to get this done”

After all, we both own this. This is not *my* thing.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 11:10am
69: Starla says:

MissStix, you are inspiring me! I’m asking myself, “what beliefs would I like to release?”

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 11:26am
70: Starla says:

Belle, you really can just tell him to buzz off, lol. i’d do it for you if we were near each other

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 11:30am
71: Heart says:

(((BW)))

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 11:31am
72: Belle says:

I feel grateful for the trigger again and seeing how I’ve been afraid to ask for help as if *I’ve* done something wrong and am going to be in trouble
because someone else is doing something inappropriate
goes way back to
“if you tell someone I’m going to tell that you liked it and everyone will know what a bad girl you are.”
Tears and sadness rising in my chest
Ugh
So confusing
Knowing something is wrong but something feels good at the same time
(because that’s what bodies do, they respond)
Feeling defensive
stuff to sort out that I won’t do right now,
too touchy
sexual abuse stuff

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:04pm
73: Linda says:

I am making a choice to say this… make very clear my boundry AND .

I DO NOT WANT ANYMORE MEN WHO HAVE NO REAL INTENTION OF FOLLOWING THRU TO ASK ME TO TALK OR MEET THEM.!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:11pm
74: Linda says:

I am making a choice to say this… make very clear my boundry AND MY CHOICE..!!

I DO NOT WANT ANYMORE MEN WHO HAVE NO INTENTION OF FOLLOWING THRU TO ASK ME TO TALK OR MEET THEM.!

NO MORE

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:12pm
75: Linda says:

I am making a choice to say this… make very clear my boundry AND MY CHOICE..!!

I DO NOT WANT ANYMORE MEN WHO HAVE NO INTENTION OF FOLLOWING THRU TO ASK ME TO TALK OR MEET THEM.!

NO MORE

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:12pm
76: Linda says:

OOPSEY…

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:12pm
77: Linda says:

OOPSEY… guess I really meant that.

Dont know how I sent that three times!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:13pm
78: Tam says:

Wow Linda, that was clear!
I feel also turned off…made a date with a CD today, we were going to meet on the beach (hmmmm), and then the weather turned bad and I said maybe we ought to have a different plan – and after asking what I want to do, and my second email ‘the weather looks bad at 10 am this morning, he never got back to me. Now it is gone 3pm and we were supposed to meet after work. I do not want to sit around for him and I am done with work and want to go for a walk.
So that’s what I will do.
Tough luck.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:14pm
79: bloom-ing says:

kimya dawson “same shxt”

You were looking down at them, they were looking down at you.
You were starched and pressed, they were all disheveled.
They were holding hands, they were ragamuffins and
They said, “I know we’re not fancy, but we’re on the same level.
We’ve got plans, big plans! We’re gonna change the world.
All you care about is dollars, that doesn’t make sense.
All you do is hit snooze, watch the news, buy shoes, drink booze, make money, feel spent.

Day after day after day, it’s the same shit.
Day after day after day after day after day.”

Then you looked at them without batting an eye and said, “Hey little hippie, let your freak flag fly.
Why don’t you go smoke a bowl in your best tie dye,
Get a tattoo of a dancing bear holding a peace sign.
You can talk the talk but when it comes to real change, aren’t you and all your little friends exactly the same?
You sit around at potlucks pointing fingers, placing blame,
Drinking kombucha, and eating tempeh.

Day after day after day, it’s the same shit.
Day after day after day after day after day.”

If you are judging them while they are judging you,
And you think that makes them xssholes, maybe you’re an xsshole too.
Do we argue with each other ’til we both turn blue,
Or find similarities in what we like and what we do?
Yeah, just because someone does not look like me
Doesn’t mean that they are a clone or a sheep.
Maybe they like their job and they’re living their dream,
And they love their friends and their family.
Some people thrive between nine and five,
And feel like they’re choking if their neck’s not tied.
And some people feel as if they’re gonna die
If their seams aren’t straight and their shoes aren’t tied.
Some people like business, some people like numbers,
Some people grow organic heirloom cucumbers,
And only feel free with their hands in the dirt
In a pair of old jeans and their favorite t-shirt
Some people feel enslaved when they have a boss,
Some people without one feel totally lost.
To make this world work it takes all different kinds.
We have all different tastes, different strengths, different minds,
So it doesn’t make sense to generalize
And it doesn’t make sense to judge with our eyes.
We need more compassion, we need to be kind
If you open your heart you might like what you find.
‘Cause there are some mean bus drivers, but there’s some nice bus drivers
And there are some nice cops in Madison, Wisconsin.
And there’s some nice teachers, and there’s some mean teachers,
Just because you have a mean teacher doesn’t mean all teachers suck.
And no one is nice all the time, no one is mean all the time
Think about what someone’s going through that’s making them be mean to you
Maybe their pet gerbil died and they are really sad inside,
Or maybe they got in a fight with someone that they really like,
Maybe they are really shy and don’t know to socialize
They just want to run and hide, not saying that it’s justified
But if we learn to empathize the resentments will vaporize
Situations metamorphize before out very eyes.
Then the need to stereotype will become outdated when we realize everyone
Is really complicated.
We are all so complicated.
I am also complicated.

I’m a black mama lactivist, a home-owning punk.
It’s been over a decade since the last time I got drunk.
I drive a minivan, I’ve got junk in the trunk.
I think Danny Devito is a total hunk.
I like revisiting the shxt my therapist helps me remember.
Being friends with someone for a long time, still not knowing their gender.
I fight for equal rights and I fight for inner peace.
I pray to the dead for the gratitude I need.
I’ve got chickens in my backyard and a little garden plot,
I really hate commercials but I got a slack-jaw.
I’m a sucker for a remix, let me tell you what,
By the time that I am finished, you’re gonna love these nuts.
I’m a little bit pop culture, a lot bit D.I.Y.,
I don’t know the definition of T.M.I.
I write poems about my period, post pictures of my log,
If you don’t like body functions then you shouldn’t read my blog.
My husband’s a musician from the mountains in France,
He wrote me a song, we did interpretive dance,
Then he knocked me up, now we have the coolest kid,
Yeah, hooking up with him’s the smartest thing I ever did.
Now I feel like I can fly when I’m on roller skates,
I feel a little high when I eat dried dates,
I don’t understand what numbers have to do with success
Or what sales have to do with happiness,
Unless they’re the kind of sails that will carry me to sea,
Where my grandma and grandpa are waiting for me.
I never thought I’d make it to 25, now I’m 37 and I’m glad that I’m alive.
If I ever need a tour bus I’m still gonna drive,
Cause I looking out the windshield as the world goes by,
Looking out the windshield as the world goes by.
Now I’m 37 and I’m glad that I’m alive
And I like looking out the windshield as the world goes by.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:19pm
80: LoveAlways says:

I feel calmed reading this article. I am choosing to be present in each moment, whether im working, playing or loving. What to eat, what to wear, where to go and what to say. The beauty of it all is that I can put myself first with no hesitation. Then I think of others in my choices. This feels good. Thanks for making me consider this Rori!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:32pm
81: Starla says:

translating band promo materials for a european metal band

i am living my dream:)

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:42pm
82: Smile says:

Annie, from previous thread,

Sorry hun I dont think it was my post but I took it to mean that the guy didn’t have any qualifications.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:50pm
83: Smile says:

Starla, loved reading your post about sticking to your boundaries!!!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:51pm
84: Smile says:

(((tams leaking condo)))

Lots of laughs reading your posts tam! Bow legs!

My roof is leaking too. We’ve had heavy rain and floods. I’m thankful though that I’m renting. I can imagine that the cost might feel painful.

Your such a magnet I’m losing track with your dates! 

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 12:59pm
85: Siren Angel says:

I tell my teenager everyday, instead of have a good day, I say “Make good choices today”.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:03pm
86: Daria says:

eek

im feeling triggered left and right!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:05pm
87: Daria says:

(((((Daria))))))

what did that girl say, the first step to change is opposition

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:08pm
88: Daria says:

where do i emasculate people i care about and tell them what to do in the name of being caring! i do this with my brothers!!!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:11pm
89: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee 1008 from previous post and BW,

Lookup the ‘cool girl’ concept by CC. Yes, there is that side of women who totally rockstar it and accept smootly and *authentically* that their man go away on vacation without them.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:15pm
90: Luzydel says:

Ladies there are lots of great men out there! I just saw one while ordering a sandwich !

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:23pm
91: Daria says:

Radlove – ‘how to speed it up’ OH I CAN SO RELATE

for anger, opening my eyes really big helps.

also vampire scream.

EFT REALLY REALLY HELPS MORE THAN ANYTHING SO FAR

Riffing with the “i love … ” AND THAT FEELS… gets me to the next emotion, and sometimes it goes back, until its processed

but its worked for me when nothing else used to. it used to take weeks i think, looking back.

riffing only took about 30 min or so…

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:37pm
92: turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

I’d really love your advice. I woke up today feeling that I need to make a choice about Mr. Conversation. Things have been going well, we get along so well, have fun together, but the more time we spend together, the more I realize that being 100% honest with myself, even if I don’t feel certain a relationship would work out…. I don’t want to be just friends. I want more. He knows how I feel, I said I wanted more, but want to be ok with just friends since he doesn’t want a serious relationship right now. We agreed we don’t want to ruin the friendship, which might happen if we try dating and screw it all up. I feel like my mind totally gets that, makes sense, I’d rather have him in my life long term as a friend, than to date and it not last…. but he does all these little things that warm my heart… I want to kiss him, I want to hold hands, I want to fall asleep with him. Which, we had too much wine the other night and did happen, but I woke up and went home about an hour later. He texted me the next day to say next time we drink together, I’m staying over and that snuggling felt nice while we slept. (Remember those comments awhile back where men feel just as good with snuggling as they do with sex, yeah, think that’s him. He doesn’t want sex, knows I’d expect that to grow into more and he’s soooo worried about pregnancy) He tells me how much he likes me. He wants to solve my problems, take care of things for me, do me favors… even little things like bringing me a seat, an extra jacket and a big umbrella for the game Saturday so I wouldn’t be cold. I feel so taken care of sometimes.

SO, here’s where I need the advice.

1. Do I tell him that I tried the just friends thing, and it’s not working for me because I feel too much for him to be just friends? So, if that ever changes for him to let me know. (like Daria suggested a few weeks ago)

2. Or, do I be less available. Pull back, not see him or talk to him as much. He knows I want more. Do I let him miss me and see if he steps up?

Everything has to be his idea. I feel he’s going to feel pressured with the first option, but it’s the one I’m leaning toward because it is actually doing something. It’s me saying this is how I feel, this is what I want, I understand how you feel, so if that even changes, let me know. It seems easier. It’s also leaning forward and may sound like an ultimatum. The other, I have to get so busy with my own life that I am honestly less available, and I have to be stronger about it.

In other news…. yesterday I leaned forward on POF and said hi to a guy who’d written to me before that I’d replied to and not heard from after that. We emailed for a bit back and forth and I gave him my number. He started texting me and sent me pics of his art work, and we texted for awhile. Then he accidently called me and we ended up talking for 20 min. It was nice. I like his voice. He works as a contractor for a family business. (I work for a contractor) He’s from a bigger family than mine, (I’m one of 7 and he’s one of 8) I don’t think he’s been married, profile says single, and no kids. He lives probably a good 40 min. away, but he’s cute and sounded like a really nice guy. His paintings were pretty too, very serene.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:41pm
93: turquoise says:

He’s one of 8

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:45pm
94: Smile says:

Turquoise, I vote both. In the order you wrote them 

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:47pm
95: Simply Goddess says:

I’ve been in work today.. He text at dinner to say “Might pop up after work to grab some stuff out of yours.. Then I’ll leave you to have your think..”

Hes working nights so should only be finishing at about 11pm.. It takes nearly an hour to get to mine.. so I thought that was strange..

Anyway I only text back at 7pm and put “Okey dokey, What time would that be?”

He replied and said “Nahh, I’ll just leave it and pop up another time”

I havent replied.. and dont know whether I should bother.. Cant think of a feeling message or anything.. feel a bit ignorant like but not a huge urge to reply.. Is that bad?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:50pm
96: Simply Goddess says:

I’ve been in work today.. He text at dinner to say “Might pop up after work to grab some stuff out of yours.. Then I’ll leave you to have your think..”

Hes working nights so should only be finishing at about 11pm.. It takes nearly an hour to get to mine.. so I thought that was strange..

Anyway I only text back at 7pm and put “Okey dokey, What time would that be?”

He replied and said “Nahh, I’ll just leave it and pop up another time”

I havent replied.. and dont know whether I should bother.. Cant think of a feeling message or anything.. feel a bit ignorant like but not a huge urge to reply.. Is that bad?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:53pm
97: Starla says:

S-Goddess
you don’t need to respond to that

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:55pm
98: Starla says:

or u can just say “ok”

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 1:57pm
99: Siren Angel says:

Simply Goddess,

To go along with the flow of the article above, you have a choice (the way I see it). You can either text back :

- ok
- I feel confused now
- I feel disapointed, I was looking forward to seeing you

Or any combination of the above. What do you think/feel?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:00pm
100: MissStix says:

Bloom-ing

That’s dope! Thank you for sharing!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:02pm
101: Siren Angel says:

I am a goddess
I am the prize
I am yummy, juicy, beautiful, sweet, warm and feeling and soft
Any man would jump hoops to be with me right now
Any man would rather be with me right now
I am the one
I am whole
I am enough
I am a delicious, wonderful, amazing Prize
I AM AMAZING
I AM THE PRIZE
I AM THE YUMMY PIE, ALL OF IT!!!
I AM THE ONE

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:02pm
102: turquoise says:

And he made a few comments Saturday night about how to the kids it must seem that we are dating, because they wouldn’t know if we were having sex or not, not like we’d be putting that out there to them. It looks to everyone like we are a couple. We take the kids to their games together, we always sit together, we see each other almost every day. Our neighbors see us together. Our friends hear about each other. His first ex wife sees us together all the time because she’s at the games too. He has no problem with C assuming we are more than friends. He is totally fine with everyone thinking we are a couple. Why is that? Wouldn’t a commitment phobic person be really afraid of that? WOuldn’t they want to clear the air or not give that assumption? Even with his kids… they haven’t asked, and he hasn’t explained.

He admits that this is more than friendship. He knows that. He talks about being in my life long term one day, and then how he doesn’t want me to date because he’ll lose me to another guy… that no guy would let me keep a male best friend, not how we are together.

I feel like we are in an emotional relationship. With flirting, but supportive and encouraging. And co-parenting each others children. This is strange.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:04pm
103: Simply Goddess says:

I don’t feel confused or disappointed strangely enough.. I had in my mind that he’s at work this week and I wont see him anyway.. I did tell him I need to think about things..
If I stay cold and distant will he drift off or come forward?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:04pm
104: Siren Angel says:

I feel so soft and content. Like a purrrring fluffly soft affectionate kitty cat you want to grab a hold of and hold on to forever.
I am gorgeous and amazing. But more than that, I am the one. I am the one he can’t live without. I am the one he doesn’t want to be without. I am the one he wants. I am the one he wants to hold onto and take care of forever.
I am the prize.
I AM A GODDESS.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:04pm
105: Siren Angel says:

SG,

You know you don’t want to come accross as cold and distant.

You could also text:

- ok, whatever you think is best.
Or nothing at all.

What do you feel inspired to do?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:06pm
106: Daria says:

im feeling better chatting with a friend

i want to brush my hair soon
maybe even right after i go to the bathroom

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:06pm
107: Siren Angel says:

Turquoise,

M’s kids thought we were just friends for the first 6 months of our relationship. Kids don’t know. They knew when he sat them down and told them.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:07pm
108: MissStix says:

Simply goddess

Do or say whatever feels good to you. And if that is…Nothing at all…Why not?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:07pm
109: Siren Angel says:

I am the ultimate prize. I am the supreme Goddess. Any man would walk through fire for me. Any man would crash that boat, jump in stormy shark infested waters, to swim to me.
I am all he needs.
I am enough.
I am the prize.
I am THE ONE. I am the only one for him.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:08pm
110: Siren Angel says:

Turquoise,

This man wants you all to himself but will not step up. He sees you in his future, does not want to lose you, yet is ‘not ready’?
I forget, how long has he been separated? Has he mentioned a timeline for you to try to be ‘together’?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:11pm
111: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise it’s been a whilee I have been thinKing you need to walk away emotionally.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:12pm
112: Siren Angel says:

Turquoise,

If it were me, I would tell him how I feel when the moment is right, in the Rori way of course. And that you don’t want to keep your options closed of he doesn’t see you in his not so far future… What do you think?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:13pm
113: Siren Angel says:

I feel like a Goddess, because I AM A GODDESS.
I AM THE ONE.
I AM THE ULTIMATE PRIZE.
I AM THE SUPREME PRIZE.
I AM THE PRIZE HE WANTS.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:15pm
114: Siren Angel says:

I am the one he needs. I am the one he wants.
I am the one.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:16pm
115: Simply Goddess says:

I guess its 3 hours after he text so it would seem odd to reply now so I’ll just leave it..
If I’d come on earlier I would have said “Ok, Whatever you thinks best”

Wonder what he thinks of me having ‘time to think’.. He doesn’t seem to like it to be fair..

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:16pm
116: Simply Goddess says:

Siren Angel, I like your words..

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:26pm
117: Turquoise says:

Siren Angel, his divorce was final one month ago, separated for 4. We started seeing each other the week before she moved out. They had major problems their entire 3 years they lived together, so he says that it’s not her, just not wanting to feel controlled or that he has to answer to anyone. He has been in serious relationships his whole adult life. Very little time in between.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:34pm
118: April Rose says:

I feel excited to be circular dating at last! I really do feel the enormity of its healing power.

I am discovering my self-worth at supersonic speed!

Feels fun.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:39pm
119: Heather says:

Hi Rori,
Thank you for your response. I also really like this article about choices. I am choosing to respect where I AM AT as well as where my ex is at, and that feels good. I can’t believe (well I can!) that you picked up on my response to stress from my email. I totally agree, and you have reminded me about sinking into pleasure. I already knew that I am a highly sensitive person, and this last relationship taught me that I am going to have to take care of it. Because of my sensitivity, I don’t always respond well to stress, and that has made my life less enjoyable and pleasurable. Even things I love are often stressful for me. I do work on this, and have support and healers I work with. What I realized after my breakup is that I need a new approach. What I have been working on is seeing my sensitivity as a special gift that I have to take very good care of, always… So ALL my choices, work, love, friends, therapy, errands, everything has to be in support of my sensitivity. It is a gift, without it I could not do my work, which is animal communication, or be the beautiful person I am. But I often forget that and get swept up in the pain, despair, and difficulty of it all. Thank you for reminding me. I will check out Dominique’s work. I will also continue to focus on my own expansion and happiness. I agree that my ex may come back around, I can feel that he still loves me. But the pieces have to all be in place, in me, for it to work. I know that, with him or anyone else. And I feel we met to reflect back to each other what needs healing. He has also gone into himself since meeting me, and made great strides toward learning to be his own best friend first, instead of looking for me to fill a void in him. Now I must do the same. In the meantime, if he contacts me, I will just use the tools from the Siren program and go from there. Otherwise, it is taking much of my will, but I am not contacting him at all anymore.
Thanks again…
Blessings,
Heather

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:49pm
120: LiliBee says:

115:

Oh wow Turquoise,

That is the whole reason I am where I am now.
D was in a serious comitted relationship after another since he was 17.
He never sewed his wild oats.

When he 1st met me, he was so needy and clingy, being seperated only 3 months the both of us.
I didn’t want to be that rebound, so I stepped away and was by myself for another couple of months.
I dated 2 guys after.
Then D and I came accross each other with friends manipulations.

Anyway, he was doing everything to keep me hanging on to him while not ready for a comitted relationship.
He wouldn’t tell me, but his actions were clearly showing it.
He needed to reclaim his masculinity.

He is finally learning to be alone right now and finding himself, I see him growing up.

He needs to go find his own path on his own.
Waiting around has been painful.

I am using this time to cultivate my relationship with myself right now.

You need to find a way to relieve any pressure on him and leave him space to draw his own path, and take care of you.

I’m all for being open and inviting, but do something to relieve pressure on the relationship.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:53pm
121: Butterfly wings says:

I’m almost at work after 2 hours of sleep and I’m feeling really blah! I’m wondering if I’ve had a relapse of the depression – I thought it was all behind me. I just feel like crying right now.

The positive of this is that I’m aware of these feelings and I know they’re not right.

I just feel confused about TH. should I just put him on the back of my horse, or would it be better if I just walk away???

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:53pm
122: bloom-ing says:

“General” by Dispatch

there was a decorated general with a heart of gold, that likened him to all the stories he told
of past battles, won and lost, and legends of old,
a seasoned veteran in his own time.

on the battlefield, he gained respectful fame
with many medals of bravery and stripes to his name
he grew a beard as soon as he could to cover the scars on his face
and always urged his men on

but on the eve of a great battle with the infantry a’dream
the old general tossed in his sleep and wrestled with his demons.
he awoke from the night to tell what he had seen
and walked slowly out of his tent.

all the men held tall with their chests in the air,
with courage in their blood and a fire in their stare
it was a grey morning and they all wondered how they would fare
’til the old general told them to go home.

he said: “I have seen the others
and I have discovered that this fight is not worth fighting
I have seen their mothers and I will no other
to follow me where I’m going

so ! take a shower, shine your shoes, you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living.
take a shower, shine your shoes, you got no time to lose.
you are young men you must be living.
go now you are forgiven.”

but the men stood fast with their guns on their shoulders
not knowing what to do with the contradicting orders.
the general said he would do his own duty but would extend it no further.
the men could go as they pleased.

but not a man moved, their eyes gazed straight ahead
’til one by one they stepped back and not a word was said
and the old general was left with his own words echoing in his head.
he then prepared to fight.
…

go now you are forgiven ! go now you are forgiven ! go now you are forgiven ! go ! go !

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 2:55pm
123: Tam says:

Hi there!
Just spent a nice eve by the beach. CDCuban whom I was supposed to meet this eve didn’t call or text to confirm and now I am not available anymore, and actually I didn’t feel like meeting him anyway, he is quite an intense guy and I am worn out.
Seeing the boats briefly made me think of MrP again and how he has retreated because he felt misunderstood. Normal pattern and I am so turned off by it. This happened 4 times already and means normally that he disappears for anything up to 3 months for a simple little understanding. I already said sorry once and now I am not stirring anymore.
I feel curious if that’s it now but based on experience, yes.
And I am now doing a real re-focus exercise – I have potential side jobs and am working hard on them, I am exercising and I am eating as healthy as I can given that I don’t have a car and can’t get to good grocery stores. I am looking after myself and putting this behind me.
I am not reaching out and flogging a dead horse.
All is fine.
Actually, it always has been, so nothing to worry about.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:02pm
124: Starla says:

BW, it’s not a relapse… it’s sleep deprivation sweetie

eat good and sleep good ASAP

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:04pm
125: April Rose says:

Oh Butterfly Wings,

I read you earlier saying “I am so over it” and it didn’t ring true and I think I have seen you write that before.

I don’t know if my story will be of value here:
I still live with WM. I see more and more clearly that there is no consistency on his part. Some days he steps up, gives me attention and affection, smiles warmly and my heart responds with instant warmth. We connect, and life feels beautiful.

I then feel so weird and unhappy when our next interaction is the total opposite.

I’ve reached the point where the good feelings I feel do not outweigh the bad ones.

The lovely thing for me is that I have been dating and I have discovered men who make me feel consistently wanted.

Gradually WM’s behaviour is feeling like a turn off for me. I honour my feminine self much more by receiving from men who see me as a prize.

WM is slung over the back of my horse. My heart is unzippered and open to him. And I am under less and less illusion that he can do real relationship with me.
I’m letting him trigger me, so I can feel into each trigger and heal faster.
Boy does he trigger me. Into feelings of helplessness particularly, when he gives me the cold shoulder.

I struggle with knowing how much of this poor treatment to take. I know the value of being triggered, and I also don’t want to hang around in such a situation.

There is a sense of limbo, and I don’t want that for much longer.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:05pm
126: Tam says:

April Rose, that feels painful to read…especially the last bit

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:12pm
127: Turquoise says:

Mr. C. knows I’m on POF, he knows I will date and have dated, just nothing major has been showing up. I’m not closing down my options or waiting for him in the sense that he said he doesn’t want me to date, so I don’t…but that I’d rather be with him, and my schedule has been so wrapped up in how busy my girls are, that I’ve chosen to spend my free time with him. He thinks dating is a waste of time, that we have each other and get along so well, that we are in a flirting relationship, with long conversation, hugs, making food together, riding places together, talking everyday…. but no expectation, no owing each other anything. You know, writing that all out that way, it’s glaringly obvious that this is silly.

His kids are 9 and 13, I’m thinking his son at least has to wonder. His daughter, maybe not so much, but in the beginning she did tell him it was like we were a family. Always at each others houses, doing thngs together. First day of school she wanted me to do her hair. Not her mom, or her recent step mom…. she asked for me. Which felt sweet, and I was glad to do it. I feel more like we are family, than just friends, or even dating. We are so intertwined in each other’s lives. He loves my girls, always says how great they are… and he and my oldest have really bonded. He worries about her, wants her to feel she has someone on her side… gives her a lot of attention. He tries to make up for the fact that their dad isn’t here.

It’s soooo much to walk away from.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:14pm
128: April Rose says:

Rori’s article is about making choices.

I choose to live and work with WM at the present time. Our lives are intertwined through the close work we do together day to day.

AND I have the choice to opt for a completely new and separate life path. I am currently researching into this in detail. Feeling excited about the prospect…….

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:21pm
129: Turquoise says:

So Lillebee… what do you suggest? He’s really come so far, so quickly. I don’t feel any urge to take care of him anymore because he’s doing such a great job. He cooks and eats and went back to work for a company he really loved. He bought a new car to fix up as a project, he has a trip planned to see his best friend next month. He’s doing great. He has some small bouts of doubt that things will all work out for him, but for the most part, he’s doing great. I listen and encourage, but give very little advice, and even then I just might share a similar thing that I did, or sort of wonder about it. I never say, you need to do it this way.

So, what do I do to relieve all pressure? I guess not option number one of telling him I want more. That will feel like pressure. So, focus on option number 2 and have less time for him?

I’m hoping the artist steps up and contacts me. There is another guy that I was emailing with yesterday, he sounds ok too. The hard part is, I’m so limited on my free time to go out right now, because I rarely have a sitter. Mr. C. and I do stuff together all the time with our kids, so never a problem.

I want him to miss me though. I actually haven’t heard from him yet today. I made the mistake of pointing out that I let him text me first, and he hadn’t even realized it… so he might be waiting to see how long I’ll wait for him to contact me, or he might be swamped with work and school and kids. Who knows. I don’t even know what to say, so no urge at all to lean forward and start a conversation. We’ve never gone more than one day without talking/texting. I actually think there has only been two days we haven’t had contact, and he was out of town. In 4 months, that is nothing.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:32pm
130: Turquoise says:

BW, I think I missed something! Being sleep deprived, not eating well, stress with your relationship, all reasons to make you feel out of sorts and sad and depressed. Remember though, you can be situationally depressed about something, but that is a lot different than clinically depressed. The bad days come and go. Don’t worry, this will pass! ((((BW))))

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:37pm
131: Turquoise says:

FW, walking away emotionally feels like walking away all together. At least for now. Because I can’t separate my emotions from th relationship. I wish I could rationalize with myself and say…. Turquoise, no matter how much you may like or even love having this man in your life, it migt never get any stronger or deeper than this. If you keep spending time with him, you are going to get more and more attached. If he meets someone else or decides he doesn’t want you in his life so much anymore, you’ll be crushed. SO, protect your heart now. Walk away and see if he follows. That is the smart thing to do. My head gets it… my heart feels sad.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:40pm
132: Daria says:

i feel so angry and blameful. where do i feel spiteful towards msyelf? resentful? don’t bother, she’s not listening? hmmm I love my worthlessness. I love my resentfulness. I love my resistance and blocks to healing. I love my spitefullness. I love my judgementness. I love my punishment ness. I love my words

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:44pm
133: Daria says:

ohh that feels Good

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:44pm
134: Jessie1000 says:

hi girls
Just saying whats up!
Hope u are all good…Love to you all
Jessiexoxox

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:52pm
135: LiliBee says:

119:

((( BW ))),

You have 3 weeks to sink into your feelings and gather yourself before you see him again.

Can you go back to your therapist?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:53pm
136: Femininewoman says:

RememBer counterintuitive Turq.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:57pm
137: LiliBee says:

Oh Turquoise,

I hope you’ll still be around when I get back from zumba in 2 hours.

Gotta run, I’ll be back in 2 hours.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 3:58pm
138: Turquoise says:

What do u mean fw?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 4:19pm
139: MissStix says:

I am no longer afraid.

I am fully aware.

I am fully open.

I am fully receptive.

I am exactly where I want to be.

I am a forever girl.

I feel dazzling. I feel powerful. I feel love fully from all directions. This is it. Yes yes yes! Hellz yes! *high fives* me! I am so worth it.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 4:28pm
140: Heart says:

Turquoise – I feel concerned. Do you read Rori’s articles?, do you read the newsletters, have you watched any programs? How long have you been on this blog?
I know you’re hurting right now and you feel sad so I’m not going to put you down or make you feel bad for seeing a an that says he only wants to be friends…
(((Turquoise)))…

Let go of this man….remember the fist thing? Well relax your ingers, open your palm and just let him go…
Nothing you do at this point will inspire him to claim you.
Even if you step back and he misses you and caves and steps up a little …He’ll eventually Leave again.

Be Brave. Start focusing on you. Practice the tools, Spend Time in nature…Date!
Tools: Change everything, paint yourself in love, out the window. Perfect lover visualization.

Start sinking into your feelings and journaling…and understanding exactly why you’re gravitating to these situations.
Get a hobby – painting. yoga. dance.
Stay away from this man for a month or at least until a shift starts happening…
If you don’t make This Choice now you’ll just gravitate to another unfulfiling relationship.

Good luck Turquoise.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 4:44pm
141: MissStix says:

Feelings of radiance and gravity, infinite cycling swirling light. Aura of love. Driven by heart beats. Pulse pushing glittering yellow out, misty blue rushes in. Such a sigh…Expression of awe. Calm and peaceful. Serenity. This infinite cycle of raging desire, tender kisses, hot tempered passion, and softly spoken feelings. Received adorations feel so gloriously good! A word, a touch, a look. Playful agression. Deep growls and high pitched sqeals of delight crowned with giggles. Kisses of endless variety and abundance. An arm, reached out. A hand to touch my hair, my cheek, my neck, my shoulder. To say you are precioius to me. Sweet treasure. I want to stay here forever. My hand on a heartbeat. A kiss on my forehead.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 5:01pm
142: Tam says:

Heart…no-nonsense post. Helped me to read it also.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 5:08pm
143: Daria says:

ah i feel scared

i feel scared im going to ‘be attacked’ or ‘be triggered’ by something from my environment…

(((((Daria))))))

im here for you. i can handle it. im in charge. ill take care of you.

its ok to feel scared. its ok to feel tightened. its ok to feel frightened

i love your fright

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 5:19pm
144: Turquoise says:

Thanks for the advice heart, and some I needed to hear….even though I schrunched up my face at reading you weren’t going to put me down because I was hurting, as if that would be ok if I wasn’t. I do think it feels very limiting to say it will never happen, or if he did miss me and step up, it would be temporary. Why? Because we are friends now? My ex and his fiance started as friends, were friends for about 8 or 9 months, before they started dating. Our divorce was just being finalized, too stressful of a time for him. He proposed a year after they started dating. Now, didn’t end up working out for them, but they lived in different states at that point, he was deployed several times… so other hardships to deal with over serveral years they tried to make it work. But, that isn’t even the point, all relationships are different.

Fudge. I don’t know what I thought would happen. I guess I felt if I could just enjoy what we had, find the value in that and keep my heart open to what else was out there, I’d be fine. He’s been a better friend to me and more present in my life the last 4 months, than anyone else, including my family. It’s the companionship that is so hard to give up or walk away from.

I do have the ebook and read all the newsletters. I don’t know that I believe in long term, happy relationships anymore. I don’t know many people who are in them. The ones who are, the women aren’t sirens. The one siren I know, just found out she’s getting divorced because her husband cheated on her. He’s in his early 50′s, she’s late 30′s and gorgeous, sweet, fun… I don’t get it. Most women don’t do things Rori’s way, they dated one man at a time, and they got married… But I’m not giving up on love and do hope to find someone who wants what I want. I wasn’t a siren and I got married. Not sure if I had been, if my marriage would have turned out any differently. The main things that have changed in me since joining the blog last year, I use a lot more feeling messages, have learned to deal with my triggers and not over react. I’m a much better communicator, and I’ve learned to lean back a lot. I was always a doer in relationships. I have learned to receive.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 5:28pm
145: Daria says:

“if you are flexible, you will never be helpless”

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 5:29pm
146: MissStix says:

I feel infinitely grateful to have my mom and dad as an example of a long and happy marriage. 40 years and strong. My mom is a rockstar siren at a 60/40 ratio. Good luck getting her to NOT tell you how she feels. Dads a strong silent type. Logical. He’s a grumbler but she gets her way. They are super tight. They bicker, but always laugh. Go mom and dad! 40 years is H to the core. I know they will see 50, 60 years.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 5:50pm
147: Dominique says:

Oh Turquoise – You CAN still believe. Whether there are many or few relationships which survive long term, there are some that do. I thought as you did for a very long time, and you know what, all I saw were failed relationships. Now I believe with all I have that there can be good, wonderful relationships which survive and easily; I have one of these, and you know what, this is mostly what I get to see now.

xxoo

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 5:51pm
148: Dominique says:

No non-siren goddess here. either. If you’ve seen just one of my youtubes, you will know this.

xxoo

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 5:53pm
149: Daria says:

i fwwl lonwly

oh WAIT MORE SLEEPY

OH I CAN SLEEP NOW YES I WILL DO THAT FOR ME

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:01pm
150: Daria says:

Sometimes – all the time ? When I kiss something, like my mom, or rte now, the computer

I feel like my dad!

Or maybe eat I imagine -sense-feel as how he feels. Pheeewf. I feel boy, and a bit unsure or us it icky?

Very familiar. Spent most of life in that state ‘child/masculine’

Hmm

I don’t want to feel that way.

As feminine I can do a light touch ,
But when it comes to kissing mom? Hmm

I want to heal this. I want to do the feminine form of love.

Just wondered, does mom kiss me? Or am I always the one kissing Her? I don’t remember . She hugs me tho.

I’ll stop offering kisses. I feel sad fearing it will get lonely and disconnected, but actually I’m giving a chance for the energy to reverse and heal. Then I’ll be able to connect even deeper.

How cool !

I Still can’t remember if mom kisses me!

Oh sometimes she does, I think if I go on trips, I know cuz Thers lipstick to wipe off.

It might be a mutual kiss then still.

Ok wow I wonder how not kissing and loving this fear in my tummy will shift and heal my relationship w my mom.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:12pm
151: Daria says:

We both initiate hugs and she gives me hand and foot massages.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:12pm
152: Goddess Lily says:

Please advise, sirens:

1. How does one do the dance position when laying in bed? Or what are we supposed to do?

2. What’s the fm or response when he asks “what do you want me to do?” ( with regards to frequency or type of contact from an ex that you’re not sure what to do with)

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:29pm
153: LiliBee says:

Turquoise,

I believe we need to accept entirely what these men are saying.
He is being totally honest with you about what he wants.

I always ask happy couples how they met.
I’ve known a few couples too who started as friends.
The common thing I’ve noticed with all of them is that it was always the man wanting more and stepping up, never the woman.

These women were happy and content with the friendship.
When the man would step up, they would be surprised and needed time to consider.
The woman was the prize.
The woman was in the position to choose.

I really appreciate you sharing Turquoise and asking for input.
Sharing my perspective really helps put myself into perspective.

Who is the prize here? The woman is.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:36pm
154: LiliBee says:

Hi Goddess Lily,

Great quiz on what I’ve learned in Rori’s programs.

1 – I heard Rori address this specifically in 1 of her programs. Lie on your back with your arms to your sides, palms facing up to receive.

2 – Sink into your feelings to find what would feel good to you.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:39pm
155: Turquoise says:

Thanks Lillibee…. that makes a lot of sense. So what do you suggest I do now? I’ve gotten myself into a pickle.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:41pm
156: LiliBee says:

I feel weird.

I started reading this book about relationships.
What feels weird is that I borrowed it from D this summer.
He got it from the therapist he talked to when he reached out to me to get me back.

Urrrggg, I want to lean forward…But no, I AM THE PRIZE.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:44pm
157: LiliBee says:

153:

Turquoise,

You want what you want.
You need to accept him and what he wants, but you also need to accept yourself and what you want.

I am following my own advice, and will lookup the hiking meetup group.
I wanta go hiking.
My friend (former cd) hangs out with that group, there are many great women my age to make new friends, and there are a couple of really good guys he would like to introduce me to.

I have had 2 amazing weekends with myself.
Now I want to get out and be with people.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:52pm
158: Siren Angel says:

So I leaned forward after a text yesterday, which had to do with custody schedules. And I leaned forward again this morning. Seems I Rockstared it, because he called again tonight after a thanksgiving diner out

Ohhh….. I feel good… Yeah! Rockstar diva I am!

Yes, I am a Goddess!!!

I AM THE ONE.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:52pm
159: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee!!! I will go hiking with you next weekend!!!

I LOVE HIKING!!! I AM A BIG HIKER!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:53pm
160: LiliBee says:

156:

That feels so good to read SA

I really believe your softening up did something for him.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:55pm
161: Siren Angel says:

I mean if you want to Lilibee… Sorry, still in Rockstar mode

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:55pm
162: LiliBee says:

157:

Let’s go Rockstar SA!

I wanta hangout with a Rockstar Goddess!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 6:56pm
163: LiliBee says:

Alot of single dads take out their kids hiking

I’m speaking for myself here.

I want what I want, and I don’t want to stay home doing nothing waiting around for a man.

It did me alot of good staying home these past 2 weekends.
I’ve gotten alot closer and more intimate with myself, took care of my relationship with myself.
But now I need to get out of my cocoon and share myself with other people.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:02pm
164: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee! Yeah!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:13pm
165: LiliBee says:

Turquoise,

You got me remembering something.

When I 1st started to date D, he asked what I was looking for.
This is what I answered:
“I don’t want just any relationship just to say I have a bf. I feel happy, whole and complete as my life is now. I don’t feel an empty hole that needs to be filled. I just want to get to know you, be in the present moment and have fun. Ultimately, I do want a longterm relationship some day. I never keep dating someone if I don’t see potential for long term. I just want it to happen on its own without any pressure.”

He was so crazy into me, it wasn’t funny.
I felt such pressure, I felt scared and closed off.
I shut down.
I agreed to exclusivity, but he wanted a full comittment right away.
After 1 month of dating, he said he loved me.
I kept wondering “How can he know that he loves me when he doesn’t really know me?”
I didn’t know how to feel my feelings and share them.
I shutdown, and the tables were turned after 4 months of dating.
After 5 months, he felt really disappointed and doubtful of my intentions when I renewed my lease.

You know the rest of the story and how it turned out.

My point is: I remember what it felt like feeling pressure of high expectations from the other person, when all I wanted was to get to know him, and have the freedom to choose day by day what I wanted next.
I wanted the comitment feeling to happen naturally on its own, and I didn’t feel him with me really listening.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:21pm
166: Butterfly wings says:

Awww LiliBee and Siren Angel, I feel excited for the two of you!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:22pm
167: Siren Angel says:

(((Turquoise)))

I wouldn’t walk away… but that is my perspective. And I understand you are in a hard situation right at the moment and may want an instant outcome or at least a glimmer of a future. How about just staying receptive to him and putting down some rules FOR YOURSELF? (ie not accepting last minute invites, not calling, ect) But choose whatever feels most convenient and actually doable in your particular situation.

Some days, we are more in the soup and everything seems so heavy and urgent to ‘fix’ by walking away or doing or saying something to make something happen. And then other days, we notice big strides in the stepping up of our man. Can you open your wings right now and fly up so you can see the situation more clearly and with a larger view? And then feel your feelings, and turn around after and do something for you or you and your girls?

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:28pm
168: LiliBee says:

I feel blah.

I wanted to go hiking with the meetup group yesterday or today.
My period kept me home.
My legs hurt, my tummy hurt.
I felt drained and heavy as I always do during my 1st 2 days of period.

And zumba was cancelled tonight.
I went like many other classmates, and the instructors weren’t there.
I came back home and cleaned my kitchen.

I did alot of cooking today to have healthy food readily available in the freezer for those busy days to come.
I took advantage of red bell peppers being a third of the winter price and made stuffed peppers.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:33pm
169: Heart says:

Turquoise – whether you had been hurting or Not…I’m not going to put you down. Kay? I feel attacked by your comments.
I feel unappreciated and chastised. These are my emotions and my triggers. I do not blame you. I’m lying. I blame you. I’m Not There Yet in my personal growth.
I feel bad for blaming you. I love my angry feel-bad finger pointing blamey ways.

Turquoise – I said nothing you do – At This Point – will inspire him to claim you. At some other point …Maybe.

I wrote this not because you’re friends with him but because right now, well, your vibe seems fearful and desperate…it reeks of low self-esteem.

You come across as someone who does not see herself as a prize and must instead strategize/trick a man into wanting her. It’s unattractive. It will not inspire a man that already feels lukewarm about you to commit. It will not Work in the long term because you would not be Changing your vibe in a REAL way….Instead you’ll just be pretending to change in order to “get-the-man”. Pretending won’t last because the fear and desperation will still be Running you. Even if he steps up…your fear and desperation to have him will show up again and again. And this feeling you have that he is somehow better than you and you must do this and do that to get him Will still be there ⇨ and he’ll get turned off and back away – IF He even shows up at all.

Trust me Turquoise….All of us here have fearful and desperate moments. I feel scared I won’t have a meaningful relationship sometimes. I get a little bit hung up but it’s crucial not to let it run you. Not to act from that place…Not to make CHOICES fuelled by those emotions.

As Rori said in the last thread: Backing off is Meaningless, it’s your vibe that Counts!

Btw Getting married and having a good relationship are two different things.

Also, I hope you change this limiting belief you have that happy long term relationships aren’t possible. I suggest you search the internet for stories of happily married older couples. Maybe you should also practice the Perfect partner visualisation a few times a week to train your subconscious mind.

Good luck to Turquoise and all of us.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:33pm
170: LiliBee says:

164:

Hi BW

That reminds me: How is Peaches doing?
Do you still see each other?
I’ve seen her hang out on FB sometimes.
But she doesn’t come around the blog at all anymore.
I feel curious.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:36pm
171: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise I think you are doing what you believe naturally develops into LTR. Taking the super -zed friend approach. A serial monogamist could stay this way forever.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:40pm
172: Lady in Waiting says:

Oh, this soooooo good. Beautiful words from sirens everywhere this evening.
I feel empowered.
I feel like I belong.
I feel like I had the best cup of coffee with the best smiling sages from all over the universe.
Siren Angel? Had to copy your poem(s) to keep with me.
I needed that validation and belief.
New cds already went poof-or did they?
I know (after the fact), I was triggered in different ways by each one thru texting.
I do not like texting as a primary means of communication when starting a relationship. For all the reasons you know for yourself.
I recognize my impatience and sarcasm and walls that I responded with.
I recognize that from those split second moments after I sent my return texts-those cds dramatically shut down.
I recognize a desire in me to WAIT now to respond.
And, to want to be prepared/practiced at responding with respect to my boundaries without hitting those guys over the head with a frying pan!!
Is it worth it to communicate to them now, that I feel bad that words may have been misunderstood?
CD 1,Asked me out, yes, spent few days before the date asking repeatedly if I was excited to see him. Unfortunately for him, that day was incredibly important for my daughter-it felt like he coulda cared less about what was happening in my life. And I told him so. Date one never happened. I did respond with my best feeling msg. He came back a week later, asked me out again-I was sick! Told him the truth-was not up to going out that weekend. He spent that day txting and teasing. Finally after I crawled thru work and got home that night-I let him hear my knarly voice on the phone. I really was sick. Only little txts since then and now nothing. Felt like it was all about him, twice-the first time and second.
CD 2 started all romantic and sweet from first emails to texts to couple calls. Asked if I would want to go out? Yes! no confirmation. Couple days later-would I ever want to go to Chicago? Yes! couple days later by text-Oh, we should have gone out tonight, he said he forgot my work schedule (i was free that night-he already knew). That’s when my replies to his all day text got a lot sarcastic. And of course-he poofed.
Live and learn? Or practice and see if I might be surprised?
I recognize my part in pushing away, I also recognize I felt I was not getting the balanced attention and girly respect I was looking for.
Your thoughts and ideas appreciated

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:54pm
173: Turquoise says:

Thanks Heart. I do appreciate you taking the time to respond and share your perspective. It is interesting to me to hear what others get from me and my posts, that I don’t see in myself, so it doesn’t quite make sense when I hear it back. But, either I don’t express myself well, or it’s so limited because I could go on for hours and hours… (I love to talk, not a woman of few words)

BUT, I certainly don’t want to come across as desperate and needy. Double yuck. And I’m not. I have a very nice life, two beautiful girls, a fabulous home, a mostly great family, a handful of really good friends and I work a full time job, plus have a small side business, which hasn’t taken off as much as I’d have hoped so that is definitely something I can throw myself into. I want a good man in my life, but I don’t need one. I usually do feel like a prize. I know I’m an awesome person. It’s the lack of serious relationships since I’ve been single that hurt my ego. I’d also feel much more confident if I felt better about my body. That should be a big focus for me now.

He is one guy. I know millions are out there. I guess it’s just been such a long time since I felt anything real for a man besides my ex… easy for me to get wrapped up in it.

Lillebee…. the hard part is, I don’t feel like I act in a pressuring way, but anytime you know someone wants more than you do (no matter the situation) it does feel like pressure. I guess I don’t understand him fully. Most men who feel pressured at all, would bolt.

Siren Angel, thank you for reminding me to look at this from a new view. I over think and worry. Both unattractive and not good for my vibe.

I didn’t feel this blah about happy relationships until this past week when I heard about two of my friends getting divorced, that I thought had some of the best relationships around. IT just sucks.

I didn’t hear from the artist. But, I did start an okcupid profile just a little bit ago and have already gotten a bunch of messages. Mr. C. showed up as one of my matches, we are 90% matched. Who knows, maybe down the road, things could work out for us. Right now, it’s not going to… so keeping my eyes open.

Another good thing I did for me today, I went to the OB for the first time in years. I got on birth control pills to regulate my period and improve my PMS. It will feel better to be regular again. And safe.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 7:56pm
174: LiliBee says:

Heart,

169:

This resonates with me:

” Not to act from that place…Not to make CHOICES fuelled by those emotions.”

I shared an FM with D today.
It felt so good to be able to drop my wall and be authentic.

He is stepping back to think.
I went through a feeling of sadness that he didn’t call at the time he would usually call.

At this moment, I feel glad he’s allowing me time to sink into my feelings and gain some perspective.

Being here reading all sirens’ comments really helps me with that.

I may be attracted to him, I may have strong feelings for him, however I love him…I need to love myself more.
I still know what would make me happy, and he knows what that is.
I will lean back and let him have his space to think about and figure out if he can make that happen and how.

In 1 of Rori’s programs, she describes the difference between a relationship in the beginning dating stages and an invested relationship.
They are both pre-comitment.
Mine is an invested relationship, where feelings of love have developped.
Therefore, I can’t go backwards, I can only go forward.

It can feel fresh and new, but I don’t want to go backwards to dating, or friendship, or fwb.
It would feel ‘off’ being in an invested relationship.

He is now taking his space and time to think where he is going to take this relationship next.

Heart, you are so spot on with repeating what Rori posted:
Backing off is Meaningless, it’s your vibe that Counts!

You weren’t commenting to me, but I thank You anyway for bringing it up.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:01pm
175: Turquoise says:

Lillebee… what do you see for your future with him? Do you imagine it will all work out? Do you want to be with him long term?

I’m curious because you sounded so disappointed the last few months.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:28pm
176: Turquoise says:

Thank you Dominique, I know you are a siren and happy! I wasn’t saying Sirens can’t be happy….. just seems like most women aren’t, and a lot of them have loving relationships. I guess I feel blah about dating in general.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:30pm
177: bloom-ing says:

(((((((Jessie1000)))))))

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:36pm
178: MissStix says:

I am coming down with a yucky cold. I feel relieved to know I have no work this week, and I feel thankful I am a siren…Because I can let my man take care of me. He is wonderful, making dinner and rubbing my achy hips and neck and being extra gentle and affectionate ((((him)))

I feel…Sniffly. I feel achy all over. My skin feels hyper sensitive and prickly. I feel a raw and tender spot on the left back of my throat when I swallow. Awww I love you achy tender sensitive prickly feelings. We will take care of you.

So hyper sensitive to physical sensation…Was laying on the couch while the man played vids and every gunshot sound impacted my body with what felt like a wall of density. And every fibre of me throbbed and stung with each hit. Had my eyes closed and could see a conical burst of white light with each bang bang bang. Couldn’t take it anymore!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:38pm
179: Turquoise says:

You come across as someone who does not see herself as a prize and must instead strategize/trick a man into wanting her. It’s unattractive. It will not inspire a man that already feels lukewarm about you to commit.

How am I doing this? I’m not trying to trick him into anything, and I’m not a very strategic person, so no master plan.

I have been honestly trying to just be friends and make that work. I thought I’d start to like him less, if I kept that in mind. Just hasn’t happened that way.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 8:59pm
180: Turquoise says:

Feminine Woman, he said something similar. That he thinks I believe we’ll end up together as it will just make sense to go there someday.

I guess I’m really different than most people. I don’t have a big plan. I don’t have expectations like that, about much in my life. Maybe that is part of my problem…. I really don’t have a big plan for my life. I tend to just take life day by day.

I spend time with him because it feels good to be around him. He’s a cool guy, very interesting, and he makes me laugh, a lot.

I do think in time he’ll be healed and ready for a new relationship. I don’t expect that it will be with me, but I believe we could be good together.

How did I get to be 38 and have no expectations of anyone? Oh yeah, I did before and it didn’t work out. I learned to not expect, so I wouldn’t depend or count on anyone else.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:07pm
181: Turquoise says:

I hope you feel better Miss Stix.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:09pm
182: Turquoise says:

And it’s not that I think Mr. C. is better than me. He’s just so different than other men I’ve met, he has a lot of qualities I really like….. but he’s not perfect. No pedestal.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 9:16pm
183: Tereana says:

Starla #8 – I love it! Thanks for sharing your story

It’s true – most of the time, guys DO know better, and they just want to see what they can “get away with.” I definitely feel this sometimes, and yet the urge to “please” is so strong…but it’s very worth it to resist when it means we are really sticking to our guns. Great stuff! : )

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:04pm
184: Tereana says:

BW #48 ((hugs))

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:06pm
185: Tereana says:

I’ve felt kind of weird all day. Kind of “off.” It probably didn’t help that I took a call from a woman this morning who was rather irate, and wouldn’t let me explain or work with me at all on scheduling. So I let her go. I actually took care of myself, and when she was stressing me out, I simply said I would call her back in a few minutes. (I was also in the middle of something). When I did, the connection was bad. Eventually, I just decided that this person was not someone that I wanted to work with anyway, and so I feel totally at peace with that. It was just not the most pleasant way to start my day. Lol.

Happy Indigenous Peoples’ Day! (Haha, that’s “Berkeley” for “Columbus Day” ; )

Today is also the one-year anniversary of…I can’t even say it.

I need to do a ritual. I need to do a ritual of release. I have been holding onto feelings that I’ve had for someone, and I’ve had them for sooo long. It’s been since I was 14. THAT IS ALMOST 20 YEARS. It occurs to me now that that is the age at which my parents designated that I would be “old enough to date boys.” Ha. Like I ever did! lol

Thing is, I just saw this boy, I liked him, and that was it. I’ve liked other boys. Many other boys liked me. But I didn’t care for them. I only wanted this ONE BOY to like me back. And even though I KNOW he liked me – we even kissed once – he didn’t “like, like” me. You know what I mean. He’s always thought I was cool. We were friends (in a way). And as adults, conversation even drifted toward the sexual. But he obviously never took me seriously as partner material. Even though I’ve always felt inextricably bound with him, somehow.

This is part of why Radlove’s posts trigger me so much, when she talks about R. I hate hearing about someone else who also believes they are “connected” to another person, when there is no real, actual, realistic relationship on the table. This is what it’s like for me, pretty much, with this guy. Except I’ve been trying to walk away from it – even run away from it. I’ve tried to get myself as far away from this person as I can, because I don’t want to be near someone who doesn’t return my affections. I’ve gone away to college. I’ve lived in Europe. I’ve moved across the country. But I can’t really get away. He’s always there in my mind, whether I like it or not. Everywhere I go, I see men who remind me of him. And part of me won’t really let me get “involved” with anyone else, on the off-hand chance that he might just show up somehow and decide that he loves me.

Well, I think it’s time for me to watch “My best friend’s wedding again.” I hated that movie, because it seemed to be about me. And it is about me.

A year ago, this guy married someone else. And they are still married. And I saw a picture of the wedding today. They looked beautiful (I couldn’t go, because I couldn’t stand to be there.) They seem to be great friends, and have fun together. I wonder if they know? I wonder if they have any idea about how I feel? It seems obvious to me. But it could be that they just think I’m a jerk. Lol. I guess I am, kind of. But I’m trying to take care of myself by not exposing myself to more pain than I have to.

My point is – I don’t like it. But I have to let go of this. And I don’t know how to do it. But I have an intention to perform a ritual, this evening, in order to help me let this go, in a physical way. I’ve barely been aware of it, but this one holding-on has been eclipsing my entire love life for as long as I can remember. I almost don’t feel like I know how to love anyone else, I’ve convinced myself so hard, so long ago, that he was the only one for me. And it could be I was wrong. I don’t want to admit to being wrong. But Loving What IS means loving what’s right here in front of me – which means what also is NOT right here in front of me. And loving that, too. loving it, by accepting that, ok, this is how it is. My high-school crushy sweetheart person is married to someone else. They get to tell their kids the story of how they got together and all that. And it’s not my story. My story is something else. A bit more sordid, perhaps. A bit less cutesy and romantic. But whatever happens, it’s going to be MY STORY. And that’s how it is. *le sigh*

Okay, I am going to go write a letter and then burn it. That’s my plan.

Good night, Sirens!

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 10:34pm
186: Emerson says:

Starla 8&9
I really enjoyed reading what you wrote!
I feel inspired to stick to my boundaries.
I’ve said no texting and the guy still texts and then I end up eventually replying and then stating again, eventually… That I’m not wanting to text but meanwhile I’ve been texting! Ugh!!
I let myself loop into this with several CDs in recent months. !!!!
I feel annoyed with myself and my lack of sireneyness

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 11:25pm
187: Emerson says:

I feel annoyed with the guys for testing my boundaries. Feels like games.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 11:27pm
188: Emerson says:

I have been missing a friend in”lost” a while back and been feeling sad.

When I read about how guys can sense our “needy” vibe …i feel sad and hopeless.
well I wonder that what is so bad about feeling needy for comfort and support and feeling sad when there’s scary family and scary financial stuff going on around me?
Sometimes I just want to call someone feeling teary and sad and not always feel cool or flowy.

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 11:31pm
189: Emerson says:

A friend *i* lost

Monday, 8 October 2012 @ 11:33pm
190: Heart says:

I felt abandoned
I felt forgotten
I felt like a dusty doll that’s been left on the shelf unplayed with….

I sank into my emotions and bonded with my inner teenager after being triggered by a status message made by Cuddleygrinch 2 days ago. He has not contacted me in 2 weeks….and his absence and then FB activity has activated by abandonment issues….

I feel cleansed to be feeling these core emotions…
I feel awed by my emotions…
I feel melancholy….
I feel curious…is he rubberbanding or losing interest?
I feel sad to watch CudG sail away
I feel relieved if he didn’t show up….
I feel grateful for the lesson…
I feel confused by what the lesson is…
I feel a heaviness in my heart…
I feel bored
I feel excited meeting someone new.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:12am
191: Heart says:

Turquoise – I feel tired. I don’t want to Debate with you.
I feel skeptical…Can you sink into your emotions and find the deeper feelings underneath your “defensiveness”?

Ps I have the net! yay

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:20am
192: MS says:

I am not sure what to do (maybe nothing?) and hope someone here can help. I have not seen G for 2 months, and his last text message was a month ago, saying he had difficult times and needed to be alone and he said sorry for not being in contact. When we last met, even though we had been apart a month, he started off saying he felt deep friendship, but when I said friendship wasn’t what I wanted he told me he couldn’t imagine his life without me and still wanted a relationship but didn’t know why he couldn’t go forward, he didn’t want me to get hurt. Apart from having work difficulties and family worries right now, he doesn’t seem to have committed in the past but has had some long term relationships. We suit each other in so many ways, from work/life experiences, to loving travel to even living in the same area and we can spend all day together and still have things to talk about. I felt loved and pursued early on. But the level of intimacy started dropping when his work became more difficult and I was typically overfunctioning to compensate, eventually I expressed my needs and he went into man cave mode. I was away last week and 5 days ago after 3 months of uncertainty I sent him a note to say there wasn’t a relationship anymore, at least not the kind of relationship I ws looking for, and to leave my things at my house before I got back. He hasn’t done that and now I have to return his things without knowing when he is going to return mine. I am apprehensive of seeing him again in case I go back into crumb taking mode. I feel quite strong now but scared that if I see him I’ll keep looking at what was right and forgetting the things which caused me to feel unhappy in the relationship. I know circular dating is Rori’s tool here, but when I met G it was completely unplanned, at an event we were both NOT planning to go to and then did when persuaded by others, and then found so much in common when we accidentally met. It feels hard to ignore synchronicity and I know he’s not involved with anyone else. So my question is – do I leave him a note when I take his things back (I can leave them somewhere, we don’t have to meet) saying how I feel about the relationship and leaving the door open, or should I just walk away? My family and friends who have helped me when I was so sad think there’s nothing left here and to walk away. I’m just worried that because he still has my things he will try to make contact and I will be led into another round of uncertain relationship. Also we live in the same area and could cross paths (hasn’t happened yet).

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:36am
193: Heart says:

((MS))

I don’ think you should take the clothes/things to him…He has not asked you for his stuff…so just forget about the note…

He said he felt deep friendship and could not give you a relationship…Respect his No….Also respect his desire for space…
If he comes back to you…wonderful!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:59am
194: MS says:

Thanks Heart. He’s followed the pattern a couple of times to say he doesn’t want our relationship to end but not following through (he seems overwhelmed with other things and keeps beating himself up). He has never said No to a relationship, which is why this has been such a confusing time, because I have taken him at his word that relationship is what he wants. That is why I felt the need to say I couldn’t carry on in limbo and let’s return each other’s things. Do nothing more – good advice.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:13am
195: Heart says:

Ms – just give him some time….Maybe he’ll realize he’s madly in love with you and he’s rush out of his house
in the pouring rain with his shirt open
and climb
unto his stallion and ride
like
—-the
——-wind

to your house and fall on his knees saying: I LOVE you Ms…
you
rule
my
world!

….maybe.maybe not…
You cant force yourself to leave limbo…your mind will naturally move from there imo.
Date yourself. Date other men.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:42am
196: Annie says:

Dominique.

“I find it helpful to sit with the feeling for a bit, see where it’s coming from. Is it really about what he is or isn’t doing or saying, or are you really having something else going on, and this is what triggered you in that moment, eg. you aren’t feeling well, or your boss yelled at you for something you did or didn’t do, etc.”

Lol. Yes usually then it’s the straw that breaks the camels back. And I am feeling overwhelmed.
And have tolerated stuff. In other words stuffed it down.
Sadly sometimes we are in situations that we have little real choice but to tolerate at that moment.

“And then it’s worthwhile to ask yourself if this thing which is bringing up bad feeling feelings worth addressing. Are you maybe projecting some of your own stuff? Is he mirroring something back to you?

If after this, you still feel sure it’s all about whatever it is he’s doing or not doing, and you still feel bad and want to say something, then do so.

For me, I may sit on these feelings and questions for days so that I get really clear on what’s REALLY going on with me.”

Omg I feel impressed I am such a blurter, foot in mouth.

“I often let most things go unless it’s a pattern of behavior or something I feel really strongly about, the latter happened but once. I find it’s almost always something within me and has nothing really to do with him at all.

Remember bringing things back to you? Something I feel strongly about. It really does come back to you in some way most of the time

xxoo”

Yes it’s usually to do with me tolerating and accepting stuff that I don’t want.
And it then becomes a case of stepping back, facing that anxiety that comes up, seeing the wood from the trees. And hopefully a shift in consciousness occurs.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:11am
197: Femininewoman says:

MS for me it would be difficult to see his stuff everyday. As such I would set a time boundary regarding what I would do with them. 2 month is around the time he should really start missing you.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:12am
198: Heart says:

Raaain
when your lips are burning mine
and you take the time
to tell me how you
Feeel. ♬

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:16am
199: Femininewoman says:

MS his actions would be more important than his words

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:27am
200: MS says:

FW
Yes, it’s been more than 2 months now since we saw each other (and he wanted to maintain the relationship) but just over a month since his last text. I can hide his stuff in the attic or I can return it. What’s on my mind is the holiday season coming up and not knowing whether to be in touch or not – I thought by getting his stuff out before then and having mine back, that would be another worry out of the way. I’ll decide by the end of the week. I’m going to go out in the sunshine today, enjoy the autumn weather and maybe treat myself to some goodies. I keep saying to myself I can’t keep my mind on him when he’s not stepping up. I’m not a priority for him (or at least I don’t feel that I am) but I am for me. I am good and kind and always thinking of others – now I have to think of me.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:28am
201: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise you were recently writing as if you felt like the prize. I believe you have stopped. To me your words read like you are trying to convince yourself about something, not strategizing or tricking him to want you. I understand wanting to be around him because it feels good. The thing is so much time spent around him with no other men banging on your door I believe might not be inspirinng enough for him to crumble on himself and change his speech. His actions seem very good but he akso seems conflicted. I just believe you need more men who are really into you and put you first.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:38am
202: Annie says:

Turquoise.

You did ask but may not be what you want to hear.

Roris advice if he says friends and you want more is take him at his word and get your energy out of their and CD.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:53am
203: Annie says:

there*

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:53am
204: Daria says:

Oh no not another lady on BC

Triggered

Feeling low energy. Given up

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:01am
205: Sirenity says:

Turquoise..I feel caught up in your story and your wishing , hoping feelings…so I stepped back and looked at the dynamics.

From the outside here is how it looks to me as an observer.

You feel great with Mr C and you want him. It looks like you are in love with the “potential” of having a wonderful relationship with a man you feel good around.

He likes you too but just doesnt want the relationship that YOU want.

Whether he will one day be “available” or whether he will be regretful if you date others, what other people think about you bothe etc,… is all immaterial “smokescreen” really, the central theme seems to be that he is NOT stepping up to offer you the real genuine intimate loving relationship that you want.

This leaves you with the choice between accepting the “half way there” and this “friendship” as it is on his terms, or to focus on you and what YOU want and going out and getting it.

If you REALLY REALLY focus on dating others you wont be free to spend all this time with him and he will need to accept that.

For me listening to this story I feel he is getting all he needs at the moment from you , support, companionship, a shoulder to lean on and no responsibility in return, and your needs are NOT being met.

I feel anxious that he is comfortable as he is, and has no motivation to pursue you.

I wonder if your feelings are best described as “friendship” or as more than that. I also wonder how you might feel if you strictly limit time with him , as you would with any friend. It seems like you are talking friendship but treating him as a boyfriend by being available constantly.

I am concerned he has you firmly in the friend zone and that attraction for a man doesnt flourish while you act as the best FRIEND he ever had.

Do you really need a male friend underfoot 24/7 and distracting you from finding a gorgeous hot, exciting lover who is desperately pursuing you?

I would love to see you become a true Siren ,leaning back , focused on what you want, focused on getting the relationship you want , wiling to set aside a good man who isnt stepping up for you so that you can be adored by men who ARE able and available to love you in the most thrilling ways…hmmmm..

Who knows which men will appear and step up!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:03am
206: Tam says:

CDCuban called at 7:30pm yesterday to say he was ready. I was shocked, and had already eaten and there was no way I was going anywhere.
I said in feeling messages that I don’t want last minute plans and would like to have a firm date. He then said ‘how long does it take you to get ready, I can be there in half hour?’
Urgh.
We re-scheduled for today and I don’t wanna go. I don’t want to be picked up by him, don’t feel trusting, yet I can’t go anywhere as no car.
How do Sirens handle that? He needs to pick me up but I have never met this guy before.
Seems last minute plans are normal here.
I feel so blah lately.
And lonely.
I question whether it is ever a good idea to have friendships with men one is dating and get into their social circle then to lose it all when things don’t work out. Guess that is life’s risk.
When you are new to a country you are grateful to be in a social circle and don’t think about losing it again. Well, seems I have and I feel lonely.
I have friends here but just a few and they are married and not available often.
I need to figure out how to meet more people.
Hm.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:10am
207: Sirenity says:

Turquoise I will add that I was in a similar situation in the past where he kept telling me I was his closest friend. I chose to believe that meant that I offered him something essential to his long term happiness in the form of emotional intimacy and he couldnt help but step up as we were “meant” for each other.

Instead i had to endure the humiliating, soul destroying trauma of being told he loved me but was not in love with me.

Your situation may be different of course but leaning back from him and limiting contact to that of friendly occasional meetings with kids etc that doesnt “look like” boyfriend-girlfriend is the only way to find out.

And no I wouldnt tell him . H knows.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:10am
208: Tam says:

Perhaps I don’t really miss MrP but rather the feeling I had around him. He is like this safety inducing person exuding calm and I love that. And all the ‘taking me along’ everywhere, meeting interesting and nice people, and quirky ones…the kind of people I socialise with in Europe too. It felt good to have instant ‘on a wavelength’ friends without having to try an find them.
I have trouble finding them amongst the general mass here…hm.
Yeah, I had it easy. He spoon-fed me with nice people and good stuff. Haha!!
I have two lasting friends from that, who will contact me independently of him and they are lovely but sadly live in another State and only come down here sometimes.
I will try to join some meet-up clubs when I am back at my place.
Good game plan. I need a game plan now.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:15am
209: LiliBee says:

175:

Turquoise,

I don’t know.

It all started to go downhill when he manipulated to hide something innocent out of fear I would freak out like I used to.
I freaked out bc of his hiding things.
It made me untrusting, and I started being in control mode to sooth my insecurity.
That pushed him away and he started to hide behind being busy all the time.

He finally stopped playing games and was open and honest about how he felt controlled and watched all the time.

Instead of rehashing the past, I shared an FM about how it felt for me when he was open and honest like that.

He said “We have to find a way to be together.”
He felt very good about now knowing it can be safe to open up and be honest.

He’s off thinking about how we can be together.

I’m just leaning back letting him figure it out on his own.

So far, communication has been the core trigger in our relationship.

I remember Rori saying that men look to us to lead in communicating emotions and feelings.

I am having major breakthroughs with that now.

If that inspires him to find time to spend with me…Than I will see a future with him.

In the meantime, I need to cd to keep busy to keep leaning back and not wait around for him.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:18am
210: Tam says:

Sirenity, that feels sad. I have yet to understand the difference of ‘love’ and ‘being in love’ and all that.
I guess men are really different.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:20am
211: Tam says:

Emerson, I also don’t want to believe that we can only have a relationship when we are 100% perfect with our self esteem etc. I mean, who is?
Aren’t we all needy from time to time, and very self assured and secure within ourselves sometimes?
I feel different at different times.
Right now I do feel needy and lonely….it’s true. But I have the resources within myself to change that hopefully.
I believe as long as we don’t look to a man to fulfil all that, i e push up our self esteem and make us happy, then we are ok. I know it has to come from me.
If, however, I would believe that only healed and super self confident women are able to have good relationships then I would feel hopeless.
I think we all have issues, some more and some less.
I don’t want to feel hopeless and having to be perfect.
Hm.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:31am
212: Tam says:

And maybe someone can comment on this:
whenever I have felt very needy…men have said ‘oh you are sooo independent and have your life under control’
which makes me think that I just built a bigger wall and did not let them in because they saw the opposite of what I felt.
Maybe next time I will feel confident to say:
‘actually, I feel lonely and abandoned right now’
I don’t think I ever spoke these words.
I always pretend I am happy and jolly and ‘all will be fine’.
I opened up once to MrP, and that was actually when things changed for the better.
I can do it.
But it is scary.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:34am
213: Tam says:

I was an unwanted child, an accident. Perhaps we are born into this world with the knowledge what it feels like to be lonely and yet still be brave enough to come out into this world.
If it wasn’t for modern medicine I wouldn’t be here. I feel grateful for that, but also wonder sometimes about what nature intended and how in previous generations, I would not be around now. Survival of the fittest, mentally and body-wise.
Hm.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:37am
214: Tam says:

I feel better now, and grateful for my life

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:50am
215: Heart says:

omg I feel sad….

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:04am
216: Femininewoman says:

If he is not in front of you he does not exist

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:05am
217: Heart says:

I miss CudG

I hate you Cud G
Just go away and leave me alone then!
My little girl is feeling sulky…
I want to comfort her but she does not want be comforted…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:08am
218: Tam says:

((((Heart))))

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:10am
219: Sirenity says:

Tam , I didnt understand the difference for a long time.
I even said to him that to me loving a man and being “in love’ with him were the same thing!

I now sort of understand it better. It took a long time for me to really understand the difference which for him was obvious. “Love” was a bond of understanding and respect , but “in love’ was an intense chemical rush and heightened sense of masculinity a siren can inspire.

I understand that men can feel “a connection” which is best called perhaps “loving friendship”, and that this is totally different from feeling attraction for someone and thinking about them a lot and feeling your heart turn over when they are around etcetera..this I will call ” in love” and its a feeling men seek long and hard to find. They long to be feel like a Knight winning the favour of a rare woman.

Sex can be , and often is entirely separate to either of these feelings and is more like a hunger to be satisfied for men it seems.

Meanwhile for me as a woman being ” in love ” with a man incorporates loving friendship , attraction and excitement and a deep contentment being with them and sex binds it all together and cements the bond into a deep feeling of “love” for them. If I love a man I am in lover with him too and it is all connected.

I think putting oneself in the friend zone kills off “in love ” feelings and turns it into just “Love”.

wow that sounds comlicated…maybe someone can explain it better?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:10am
220: Tam says:

Been CDng for nearly 3 years…tired, judgmental and a little fed up. I will shift this.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:11am
221: Sirenity says:

If he is in front of you but not stepping up then step around and move on!!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:13am
222: Tam says:

Sirenity, no it does make complete sense, yes, I did kind of know that.
I feel sad that the view of friendship in a relationship, is that which comes once the ‘in love’ has died…I want to have it all…and remember having it all also.
I feel resistant to this view.
But I know men are different.
Yes, they long to win the prize and the ideal woman in their head…that feel like I am not that woman and I need to be careful not to let this play on my self-esteem.
Urgh.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:15am
223: Heart says:

My inner teenager does not want to see him as a teacher.
She does not want to find the message or the lesson.
She is phucking tired of that!
She just wants to cry and throw things.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:17am
224: Daria says:

When I say ‘I believe in you’ to myself I feel truggered, sad and overwhelmed n almost crying. A lil rage too

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:21am
225: Turquoise says:

Thank you to ALL the sirens who have commented on my posts. Heart, I did get a little defensive, but that was wayyyyyy less than I normally would. I really am learning to work through my triggered feelings. I still explain myself a lot, but do want to be understood. I have to take my daughter to school, but will write more when I get back.

Sirenity and FW, that all made a lot of sense. And he is right in front of me, so I’m going to have to go around. Cheer ends this week, so we won’t have that “excuse” to spend so much time together. You are completely right about all the smoke screen stuff…. very good points.

I wasn’t feeling so confused until I heard about those two couples broke up. That really threw me… and then I felt like I should make the best of this while it lasted, because nothing does.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:30am
226: Daria says:

If I believe in myself I get this image of being so huge!

I intend to believe in myself

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:32am
227: LoveAlways says:

Good Morning Sirens!

I just transitioned to a new level of connection with HScd. I’m in my feminine energy and in my power now. What he does going forward is up to me. I’m in official lean back position and it feels so right.

Namaste

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:55am
228: Tam says:

I feel like leaning back totally, from all dating and just doing a mad bash on my jobs and ‘other life’. I don’t know.
Feeling fed up.
I want to go into my shell and sulk a bit.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:57am
229: Turquoise says:

Holy jeepers it’s cold and foggy out this morning! Wow!

Daria, I know you are against birth control pills and I’m sorry that triggered you. I haven’t been on them much in my life, but have never had any side effects except positive ones. My skin clears up, my pms symptoms greatly lessen, I feel way more sireny with clear skin and stable emotions. Plus, the added security against pregnancy, will make me feel much more secure in a future sexual relationship. Getting std screened and knowing I’m fine, feels like I won the lottery! I haven’t had a lot of partners recently, but only takes one and I’ve felt worried you can have something and not even know it. So, big relief there.

I went shopping Saturday and bought 2 new tops, 2 jackets, a few pretty candles, 2 new bed pillows, and some really sexy, but unrealistic brown boots, all which made me feel sireny and were for me. The boots are sooo sexy. Very high heels, lace up and have fur cuffs. I love them, just hard to walk in.

So, the plan for my life, be open to anything. Mr. C. says that all the time. He’s open to anything and while I try to be, doesn’t always work that way for me. I’m opening myself up to the possibility of new men in my life. I’m opening myself up to being alone if that feels better. I’m opening myself up to my hobbies again. I love to read and take pictures. It’s so gorgeous here with all the leaves changing. I want photos of that, and drove through a very inspirational place the other day, want to go back there. Unfortunately, I”m realizing my hobbies are things that I do alone. Book clubs sound boring to me, but a photography meet up or group would be really fun. I’m going to look into that.

About Mr. C….. being less available will make a big difference. You are right, I wouldn’t spend this much time with just a friend. We have become a pretend couple…. looks like it on the outside, feels like it sometimes, but little romance and no commitment. Not what I want. SO, not throwing that away, not that many awesome people in my life, that treat me this way, but I have to let go of my grip and fear of losing him or that this could be enough.

The difference between loving someone and being in love, that’s us. We truly care about each other, but mine tips more towards being in love and wanting a future. He wants me in his future too, but it’s not the same.

Off to start my day, live my life and be open to anything. Thanks for helping me work through this sirens. I knew this all along, just needed to talk it through.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:03am
230: Turquoise says:

(((Tam))) We can do this. It’s going to be ok!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:07am
231: Turquoise says:

And I was going to pass on my sorority reunion Saturday because I was going to miss the early part of it, but heading up for the evening and looking forward to seeing old friends who knew me when I was MUCH more sireny~ Maybe sharing those old stories and memories will inspire me to change my ways a bit. I feel more excited about it now. Open to anything right?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:11am
232: Tam says:

230 Turquoise..yes we can.
Sigh. yes, we can.
I don’t forget how nice it is to have someone to care for and who cares about me. I hold onto that. It’s fine, it happened before and it can happen again.
Meanwhile I am looking after me very well.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:12am
233: Turquoise says:

You know it’s funny about our vibe, yesterday I was out of sorts, not sure what to do or say and feeling emotional. I didn’t hear from him which is extremely rare. This morning I feel clear and in control, and he texted me.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:16am
234: Tam says:

yes, the vibe. mine is totally off.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:20am
235: Butterfly Wings says:

170 LiliBee – I’ve not spoken to her in a few weeks actually. Will definitely have to arrange something with her while TH is away though for sure – go on a proper night out!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:22am
236: Butterfly Wings says:

What a day. First I had the icky feelings about TH this morning, then I received a call from my eldest daughter in tears because her father had been yelling and swearing at her (she’s now moving back with me and only seeing him in the holidays – yay!), then tonight TH invited himself over, we went to gym together, then he cooked me an amazing dinner and everything was WONDERFUL!

I feel so confused. How can things go from so low to so high so quickly??

There is obviously still some seriously weird stuff going on with my head after coming off that BCP. I have heard of women 9-12 months later who are still having issues. I hope mine clear up soon…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:30am
237: Butterfly Wings says:

Oh and I had to postpone my CD tonight too, because we weren’t sure how my ex would be with my daughter tonight and I wanted to make sure I was available to go and get her if things got too heated.

She’s told me she wants to stay till the end of the month. Then she wants to break the news to him once she’s safely back at home with me.

The relief I feel is unbelievable.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:31am
238: Tam says:

I feel like everything is ‘testing’ me at the moment.
I just saw photos of my best bf ever, in my 20′s and his new wife…looking so happy.
I am really happy for them, him particularly. He is such a wonderful man. I did wonder ‘what if’….we had the perfect relationship and I was stupid and young and took a job in another place and neither of us was willing to move and I thought ‘ok, well, I can find someone like him again for sure’. It was a very sad break-up, for both of us and we have remained friends ever since, never anything bad or nasty going on.
And I did realise withing a few years of the break-up that no, it is not easy finding such a good man, who was so totally in love with me and put me on a huge pedestal, and whose eyes would light up everytime I walked into a room..who would say ‘you are gorgeous’ with such conviction…he really did love me. And I loved him too.
Never found anything comparable since. Maybe I won’t, it was another time in my life.
Seeing those pictures today made me feel bitter sweet.
I wouldn’t want him back now, just reminiscing.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:33am
239: Heart says:

Turquoise – *hugs …btw I wrote u seemed fearful not needy
excuse me while I go on a pinefest sob story now…

Omg….what if CudG is seeing someone else….he must be
omg I feeel so hurt
I feel so sad….
I feel a sick feeling in my gut
and a stone in my chest
I feel foolish – that’s what you get for thinking someone could actually want you…
I feel ugly…
I fee like crying
I feel lonely and hopeless and in need of companionship…
I want to someone to hold me after a long day…

I feel angry at myself for attracting Men who can’t row…
I feel like I want a man that can not just row but Captain the ship!
I feel good Wanting that!
I feel thirsty…
coffeetime.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:39am
240: Femininewoman says:

RE 235 BW sorry but this suggests “losing yourself in the relationship” to me.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:40am
241: Butterfly Wings says:

I agree FW. I think him going away couldn’t be timed any better. It will do us a LOT of good – me in particular!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:43am
242: Belle says:

Yesterday S and I were horseplaying in the office and, out of character for me, I smacked him on the shoulder.
I was feeling so happy and playful and then a few seconds later I sat down and felt waves of terror and shame wash over me
shame for hitting him
and
terror at the scene that unfolded (i’m getting really good at seeing the pictures my mind generates that cause fear)
as I imagined C retaliating and punching me in the head
because “fair’s fair, if a woman can hit a man, a man can hit a woman”

Why would I imagine C hitting me, when S and I were the one’s playing?
Oh..it’s because he’s black..it’s not him, it’s the symbolism of “dark”, the “shadow”, what he triggers in me
got it

I feel on the verge of a breakthrough with self-punishment and violence
I feel excited now that I typed this out and I can dialogue with this aspect of myself
I feel relieved

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:50am
243: Heart says:

…
Sirens – I feel bad and need your advice..I know your not psychic but has CudG lost interest…is he gone…is he trying to show me he can’t do relationship?

What do u think?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:57am
244: Tam says:

243 Heart, no way.
He is a man and does what he wants.
Remember?
CD, slather on the love….all will be good.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:04am
245: Tam says:

sorry, I misread, Heart, I thought you said show you that ‘you’ can’t do relationship..eeek.
Well, he might or might not be able to do relationship, who knows….

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:07am
246: Femininewoman says:

Heart all I have to say is I got an email today which said we all have about 65,000 thoughts per day. 80% of these are negative and the reason why our lives are the way they are.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:14am
247: Tam says:

246 FW, OMG, what an eye opener. I completely believe it. I intend to change my thoughts.
Thank you.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:16am
248: Femininewoman says:

Yep – A man would rather see your “weakness” break through Authentically than tolerate your “bitc!hiness” – but he’d also rather have you be “bit!chy” than for you to PRETEND.

In other words, he’d rather be around feelings than artificial composure.

He’ll be willing to put up with “bitc!hiness” for awhile. It’ll be more interesting to him than a “pretending” woman – at first, but then it’ll wear him down and he’ll withdraw.

The only way to keep a man’s interest, devotion, love and commitment – forever – is to allow all your feelings (including the ones you think show “weakness”) to come out authentically. To be expressed in WORDS that do no harm, and yet let HIM feel YOU while you’re feeling your feelings.

It doesn’t matter what he feels about your specific feelings. He’s just simply drawn in by your ABILITY to feel.

Sounds pretty scary, doesn’t it? Well, it is. If it wasn’t scary, we would’ve done it years ago, because it WORKS with men.

We just were never taught the WORDS to use that make all the difference between “bitc!h” language and “girl” language. Before I give you my take on this, I want you to do this:

Watch your own words, and how what you say and what you FEEL are connected. See if you can catch yourself smiling when you feel angry, or laughing when you feel like crying.

See how you are when you feel irritated, but you don’t want to let anyone see it.

Love, Rori

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:19am
249: Daria says:

I love my sadness.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:24am
250: Daria says:

When I feel irritated but don’t want pol to see it – like w mom – I act all nice and giving and overfunction

Ha!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:26am
251: Daria says:

FW – thanks for posting! Oh I just Got it! Yeahh

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:29am
252: LiliBee says:

246:

FW,

Thanks for that reminder about LOA.
Going around in circles with NVs, putting ‘what if’s’ in my head about my future.
I need to get myself back to positive.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:30am
253: Tam says:

I feel like just poofing on CDCuban. I know, it would be so immature but they do it to us also.
I just can’t be bothered with the hassle. I feel lazy to arrange something.
I feel unsafe being picked up.
I feel exhausted having to worry about what to do as he keeps asking me.
I just want to be left alone for the moment, or go out with those I feel safe being picked up from.
Pfffff.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:47am
254: Goddess Lily says:

(((Heart)))

Those are the lying gremlin voices. You know this. Negative stories you are telling yourself. You have the power to choose. Choose trust. Choose to not assume the worst without some clear facts. Choose yourself.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:49am
255: Tam says:

It all feels too much. I can’t even get showered after work and get ready for dates because MrNap is occupying my room sometimes till past 6pm…and I am not able to get to the shower.
It all feels hard work right now….only 3 1/2 weeks more of this. I feel like i am constantly running.
Can’t wait to be in my own place and stop the running.
Ah.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:50am
256: Tam says:

Actually, interestingly though, MrNap has been thawing a little and seems more comfy now. Not sure that’s a good thing but there is no tension..at first it felt tense staying in what is actually his mancave, where he escapes to from the marital home shared with my friend.
So in a way I am privileged to live in a man cave right now. ha!!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:55am
257: Femininewoman says:

Tam can’t ypu just ask him to excuse you because you need to take a shower. Believe me I would do it every day at the same time until he gets the message. Tell him it will allow you to be out of his way sooner than later because you will be going out.

Maybe he really doesn’t want you there and this is his way of frustrating you.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:56am
258: Heart says:

Tam, FW & Goddess Lily….thank you Sirens….I feel cared for…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:57am
259: Femininewoman says:

I see Tam

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:58am
260: Tam says:

FW, problem being he is asleep at that time…so I’d have to storm in and wake him. Hm.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:07am
261: Tam says:

257…FW…he has started to chat to me, opened up and is being reasonably respectful, i e asking me ‘do you mind’ and so on.
I think he has started to enjoy me there a little even, I might be wrong.
I am now trying to see this as a learning experiment. Survival in the mancave. It makes me feel smiley if I think about it like this. I mean, which woman is allowed to get into a mancave?
I must be honest though, if I wasn’t fearing getting stuck on MrP by going to stay at his place, I’d have asked him already to come and fetch me.
I feel strong right now….but not sure how long for.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:12am
262: Femininewoman says:

Love Note of the Week:

Choosing love means rising above your ego and your stories.

“Our ego can get in the way of love in so many ways: needing to be right, keeping score, taking things personally. When we choose love, we choose to rise above these ego desires. It can be a bumpy road at times and requires patience and compassion. It will reward you exponentially with increased harmony, peace, joy, and love. How can you make a choice today to put your ego aside and choose love?”

We are here to support you on your path to love.

Love and Abundance,

Orna and Matthew

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:23am
263: Femininewoman says:

Interesting take, just that I guess it would not work with online dating.

So, what will work to make a guy ask you out?

When you’re talking with a new guy for the very first time, you must do 2 things, and two things only:

#1: SHORT, and SWEET

Here’s the best way to get a guy to ask you out — keep your conversation short. 5 minutes tops. No more. Your goal is to leave a good impression as soon as you can!

And of course, it’ll help if you can make that 5-minute conversation a little sweeter, a little sexier, and a little more enticing.

Then you ask to leave — to get back to work, to get back to your friends, or to get back to the bar to get another drink.

That way, he’ll want to get more of you by asking you out. And if you did things right, he’s going to ask for your number before you go.

By the way, this GREAT tip works pretty well in bars, parties, and other social gatherings. With practice, you could talk to 10 new single guys in the space of an hour — and I’m pretty sure many of them will be asking for your number.

If he doesn’t ask for your number, well, it’s his loss. And honestly, you’re not sure if you can fit him into your busy schedule to start with anyway, Ms. Social Butterfly

#2: Don’t Give Him Your Phone Number

If he DOES ask for your number, don’t give him your phone number. Instead, give him your E-MAIL address.

It’s going to offend the wussies, jocks, and “little boys” in the crowd, but that’s their problem, not yours!

REAL men — those few men mature enough to handle SERIOUS relationships — totally won’t mind.

It also will really get a high quality man’s attention. Because you’re throwing him a little challenge and hinting at him that he needs to prove himself, in order to get your phone number.

So, just be cute and nice by saying something like this: “I don’t give my phone number out to someone I just met, but I can give you my email address.” Then, wait for him to get a pen to write it down.

Remember, let him do the work. If he’s too lazy to even get a pen for you, how do you think he will do as a dad one day who has to hold a baby?

This is a powerful technique that will screen out the insecure “little boys” and totally get the attention of the “catch.” A girlfriend of mine used this technique to get a millionaire, who later proposed to her. It works!

To the happiness you deserve,
~Alexandra Fox

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:36am
264: bloom-ing says:

yesterday i was being so weird but i just decided “those stories are lame” so i felt instantly better & then everything unfolded like out of my mind into the world. very yummy. feeling dizzy today & concerned, but – don’t crunch your eyebrows ! – let’s just play, ok ?? lol (((me)))

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:38am
265: Tam says:

Oh I love this:
‘Remember, let him do the work. If he’s too lazy to even get a pen for you, how do you think he will do as a dad one day who has to hold a baby? ‘

I can extend this infinitely:
- if he’s too lazy to pick you up….how do you think he will do…babies, housework, showing you appreciation etc etc
- if he is too lazy to call you….how do you think he will do…
- if he is too busy to take time for you now…how do you think he will do..

So true.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:40am
266: MissStix says:

Before I keep scrolling…

I don’t believe we have to be completely self assured and have 100% self esteem to find a good man and have a good relationship with him. However, we DO have to have at least taken that first step on the road to loving ourselves, and we have to be prepared for some trial and error. I was not where I am today when I met G 2 years ago…Far from it. But I would say that may be a good thing. No a GREAT thing. Because I found a man who was more than willing to walk through it with me. At times even coming close to forcing me to walk through it with him when I was shutting down, running away, shutting myself in. And at times I even fought it, felt like flailing and kicking and shouting “How dare you fight for me so hard? Leave me alone!”. How rediculous…But in the long run this is good because now I know exactly who he his, how he handles the rough patches. He knows exactly who I am and that even at my worst it’s nothing more than a little dirt off his shoulder. And instead of spiraling down and fading away the relationship is on a steady climb and only getting better.

PS. We started as FWB. But it was on my terms. Well…Both our terms, but at the heart of it I was the one who did not yet want to commit to anyone. I have a feeling he was fully ready but just “going along” with it. Way way back I remember my mom saying “Wow…He loves you! Be careful…You could break his heart.” and I said “We’re just friends mom he doesn’t love me.” And she said “That’s what you think…”.

Meh. Getting off topic. Feeling reminiscent.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:41am
267: Tam says:

Miss Stix, that is the key I believe…if we are the ones who are less interested in a commitment than he is. That’s when things work out. When he has to hang in there, fight for us, or whatever.
I never had them work out any other way.
That gives me lots to think about.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:44am
268: Goddess Lily says:

263-I feel kinda bored with email. I’m much better with texting. So would I then just offer this extremely temporarily?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:45am
269: Femininewoman says:

Interesting from Carol Allen

Taking rejection personally and thinking it means something negative about you is what I call, “Making it up.”

This is what so many of us do when life doesn’t go our way. We “make up” the reason we didn’t get what we wanted, focusing on all the things we perceive are wrong with us.

“It’s because I’m too old… I’m too fat… his last girlfriend was blonde and I’m a brunette… I don’t make enough money…”

I’ve had women “make it up” to me about things the rest of us would think were good things! Things like:

“It’s because I’m too successful… I’m better looking than he’s used to dating… I shouldn’t have told him I own my home… Our chemistry was so HOT it scared him…”

These positive assumptions are every bit as damaging to your psyche as your NEGATIVE excuses.

Trying to BLAME the rejection you’ve faced on something about you, something good OR bad, is part of what’s keeping you from enjoying dating.

Too much pressure is on YOU!

This is part of why you’re not good at playing the “numbers game” of love. You’re not treating the pursuit of love like a GAME at all.

It’s become far more serious than that – so serious in fact, that it’s practically life and death, full of “humiliation” and pain.

This weight that you feel, this incredible burden, is part of what you show up with on dates. And I PROMISE you your dates can feel it.

They feel the crushing weight of that baggage and it’s making men turn on their heel and go in the opposite direction – QUICKLY.

If you continue to be rejected (’cause life is full of rejection for all of us!), don’t MAKE UP a story for why it happened… and don’t make it all about YOU!

TRUST that it wasn’t meant to be and tell yourself one word: NEXT!

You’re ONE BOZO CLOSER to your vision!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:45am
270: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel amazing. Great post, Rori, thanks.

I’ve noticed that I’m listening less and less to ANY negative feedback, advice, or anything I’ve been getting, and more and more to my instincts, my feelings, and making my own decisions.

I don’t need anybody else’s feedback to make a decision. I think it’s wise to seek counsel from the more experienced, but the decision is ultimately MINE, because I am the only one actually experiencing my experience.

It feels so soothing and quietly powerful to finally trust MYSELF. I wish I had started doing it a long time ago!

“We can honor every human being, even a man who doesn’t want what we want, or doesn’t want to do what we want – or we can rail at him and the universe for the “injustice” of it all.”

I feel like that was written for me. Railing at him and the universe for the “injustice” of it all!

No more!

I feel gratitude for absolutely everything in my life, and from now on, any “injustice” that I sense, I will take the power that I have and use it to make positive changes in my life and in the lives of others.

I feel aglow, hopeful, and curious about what life has in store for me!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:57am
271: MissStix says:

Heart

In my opinion if he has not contacted you in this long he has lost interest.

That does not mean you can not gain it back…But that would require a concerted effort on your part. Do you want to make an effort for this man? Any man? My memory is fuzzy…Is this the man you kind of “bailed” on? If it is I would be inclined to say you probably don’t. But only you know that.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:59am
272: Iamabutterfly says:

@266 Miss Stix – “And at times I even fought it, felt like flailing and kicking and shouting “How dare you fight for me so hard? Leave me alone!”. How rediculous…But in the long run this is good because now I know exactly who he his, how he handles the rough patches. He knows exactly who I am and that even at my worst it’s nothing more than a little dirt off his shoulder. And instead of spiraling down and fading away the relationship is on a steady climb and only getting better.”

I feel so moved by this!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:59am
273: MissStix says:

Tam

I didn’t know it fully at the time but I agree! Even the most drop down dead gorgeous woman can look like a needy little mouse to a man if she desperately chases him. And the most mousy girl can become a glorious goddess if she puts gerself first, knows her boundaries, is sure that she’s the prize, and simply allows him to chase her. Or even fights it a little.

Ok…Looking back I did a lot of things wrong. A LOT. But the one constant was my way or the highway. To put it really bluntly. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t kind, generous, affectionate…But I have never “put up and shut up” about anything I felt strongly about.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:21am
274: Starla says:

Girls, do NOT hide your boundaries or be ashamed of them. I went for sushi with Warrior last night, our first date since I laid down the ‘walk me to the door’ and ‘no texting’ law, and at dinner he started talking about how he wants us to make more room for each other in our lives, and started inviting me to a new yoga studio and to his gym so we could “have a place to do these things together” instead of always being so busy with our own exercise schedules that we never see each other…..

and girls, i straight up told him i didn’t know how i felt about that. that i like spending time with him but i am not feeling that sense of adoration and specialness i need to feel from a man to move forward in any capacity, and that it’s a major wall for me right now.

then he tried to negotiate the seeing me to my door thing like a bratty kid again. it’s kind of cute, but not exactly turning me on, lol. if he does it next time, i will say ‘then go. no, i don’t want to hug and kiss here in front of my building. go then if it bothers you that much.’

and stomp off:P.

because i’m realizing something. i thought that my feelings and boundaries were causing problems in my relationships. they’re not. what causes the problem is my lack of confidence around them, my fear that i’m not worthy of them… my fear they’re going to leave. sometimes i’d even apologize for my boundaries.

and that caused all the problems. this is why CF couldn’t handle me… it wasn’t that i had boundaries.. it’s that my own lack of confidence in them put a lot of pressure on him. and my squarely energy around it was really off-putting.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:22am
275: MissStix says:

Iamabutterfly

Sweet!

Dunno if i’d advise anyone to do it the way we did…It was, and still is, tumultuous. Not “perfect” not always happy feelings…But it seems to work naturally, and we both get to be with someone we trust.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:24am
276: Starla says:

i was so scared he would lose interest or get mad or think i’m ignoring him if i didn’t give in to the texting thing, or if i said he had to walk me to the door, etc.

but instead he came back stronger, expressing desire for a closer relationship with me.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:24am
277: Tam says:

Starla, I believe that was/is also my issue:

‘i thought that my feelings and boundaries were causing problems in my relationships. they’re not. what causes the problem is my lack of confidence around them, my fear that i’m not worthy of them… my fear they’re going to leave. sometimes i’d even apologize for my boundaries.

and that caused all the problems. this is why CF couldn’t handle me… it wasn’t that i had boundaries.. it’s that my own lack of confidence in them put a lot of pressure on him.’

I have fear around my boundaries and feel they can crumble any time if I like a man very much. I have often said one thing and then have been coerced into doing another – which of course is confusing to a man. I will forgive myself but need to heal this. Thank you Starla.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:31am
278: Tam says:

the men who do run away from the boundaries are those that couldn’t go the long haul anyway…as is demonstrated by me right now.
Pushing boundaries, grumbling, disappearing.
So turned off.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:32am
279: bloom-ing says:

“utopian futures” kimya dawson

Somewhere the bombing all has stopped
And people begin to sit and talk
And somewhere insomniatic stockbrokers can rest their bloodshot eyes
Cuz there’s nothing left to buy or sell or kill or die for anymore
We’re living inside eternal moments that we’ve searched all our lives
There’s nobody living by the clock and every door is left unlocked
Cuz property died all alone and capitalism lost it’s home
There’s plenty of fresh air here in town
The plants are all growing on the cars
And all of the streets are used for dancing and at night you see all the stars

Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada

We’re searching for something that was lost
And centuries all have covered up
We’re flailing to find the smallest fragments of our liberated lives
And every tiny piece we find we pick up and glue together
Collectively working for our utopian futures to collide
In snuggly beds and midnight talks
And wandering bike rides and wayward walks
Making up all of our own music, art, myth, food, and news
It’s happening everywhere we go
Collective bookstores and basement shows
Sharing a song that we all know or making up new ones as we go

Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada

I am a dream, this is real
I am a dream, you are here
I am a dream, you are me
I am a dream we are free
I am a dream, this is real
I am a dream, you are here
I am a dream, you are me
I am a dream we are free

Now can’t you feel the ice caps grow
Now can’t you hear the forest laugh
At piles of nicely packaged toothpicks all in processed warehouse rows
Cuz the only processing we do now is with one another in our homes
With people we’ll fight, fxck, laugh, and cry with until the day we die
Here where we share all that we’ve won
Here where we grieve for what is lost
Here where the children grow with names they chose and genders all their own
Here where we celebrate each other
Here where you’ve never had a boss
Here where we sing like restless kids with half chewed food inside our mouths

Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada

Here in the place outside the box there are no more
borders left to cross
From each according to ability and to each based on need
Here in the place where dreams aren’t dead
Here in the space between our heads

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:36am
280: MissStix says:

I realized I lied there. “I have never ‘put up and shut up’…”

I have. Recently. I tried to do this with his temper recently. Because there has been a lot of advice around this issue recently. And yes, shifting my focus was “working” in the sense that I was dealing better with myself when he was angry. And I needed that really badly! I needed to do it for me. But honestly…It did not stop him from venting his anger onto me. I think it got steadily worse. There cam a point where I had to speak out, I could not contain it anymore! And I shouted back after 25 minutes of being yelled at about HIS job. I think it may have been the biggest fight yet…I had no question in my mind I was leaving, and putting up a POF that night. Done-dy. I was ready…But my speaking up sparked his realization of how he’d been lately. It sparked a lot of talking…Mending.

Starla

The boundaries are incredibly important. Because most humans will get away with whatever they can. Doesn’t mean they’re bad people, and some push it more than others, some don’t care at all. But many will respect other people’s boundaries if the person is firm, and un-questioning.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:38am
281: MissStix says:

Holy… I am repetitive in the morning

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:39am
282: Belle says:

I feel different
Today I was playing dominos with C and got really goofy and childish and blew a raspberry at him…not something I’d ever usually do and especially noticed how “out of control” I felt, but not in a scary way, in a “just being me” kind of way
S teased me with one of the other guys about “don’t shake her chair! She’ll hit you!” and I felt a tiny bit unsettled…”is this okay? Am I getting a rep? Is this bad? Are they going to think I’m some scary person? He even remembered that??” while at the same time feeling peaceful, and relaxed and breathing through the thoughts and feelings, feeling only a tiny flutter of defensiveness, which wasn’t painful like it has been in the past.

Then in our meeting my mind wandered and I was asked a question and I responded, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening, ask me again?” without even a hit of feeling ashamed or peevish or embarrassed and nobody batted an eye.
Weird.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:47am
283: Heart says:

Miss Stix – Thank u for the feedback. I feel good reading your post…I like the Certainty. It makes m feel sad but resolved…like an exhale – with tears!

Ouch@bailed on….Ok yes it’s the guy I “bailed (He didnt confirm Ms Stix!) on…Um.No I feel zero desire to chase this man and convince him of anything. Leaning forward in any way makes me feel Icky….of course sometimes i feel a rising panic when I sense a ship is sailing by leaving me But I don’t fel a real desire to Do anything other than come on here and xpress my emotions (knock on wood). I feel proud of myself for that… I’ve let 2 men I felt hung up on just go….I know I’m better off for it.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:48am
284: Heart says:

Tam – *hug…
Ewwyou@Mr.Naps…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:51am
285: MissStix says:

Bloom-ing

I feel so sad reading. Burning nose and eyes, but un-shed tears. So much longing, all my life, for fire light, starry nights with ghostly shadows and days full of farming my own food. Sustaining my own life. Bartering things I grow and create. Yet I am so resistant to this possibility. Where we are all equal, fed, loved, free. My brain tells me there will always be poverty. Perfection is not possible. And now I remember some kind of interview on tv on one of those religious networks…The title caught my eye “There is only poverty because we believe there has to be poverty.”.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:52am
286: MissStix says:

Heart

Excellent. I know I took a little liberty kickin you in the butt with the word “bailed”. But I had a vague memory of complaints of this man, and it’s positive to not get caught up in the longing and remember some of why we were losing interest in the first place. I saw you losing interest. When I saw you ask what we thought, the first thing that came to my mind was to remind you. I respect your process, no worries there <3

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:59am
287: LiliBee says:

274:

Starla,

This really inspires me this morning.

It makes me see how we can create a lack of integrity.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:02am
288: Heart says:

Miss Stix -a little Part of me finds the ‘Bailed’ thing a little funny because I’m visualizing myself jumping and my horse ad galloping away at full speed and that’s a funny image to conjur…but I feel guilty to verbalise it..

Please don’t apologise for the input and please don’t be afraid to step on my toes.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:06am
289: MissStix says:

That’s a great image heart! I will add to it my own…Of the right man grabbing onto the saddle and hauling himself up if need be

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:10am
290: Heart says:

Miss Stix – wow…that’s sexy!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:13am
291: MissStix says:

lol omg I do kind of live my life in the pages of a romance novel :pAnd it is possible if you remember the heroine usually frustrates the sh1t out of the hero In the ones I like anyway… Hot tempered, passionate, free flying, independant woman being chased and won over by the stubborn, no BS man with a heart of gold.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:15am
292: Heart says:

Miss Stix – with a heart of gold and some killer Abs if you please…^_^

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:20am
293: Starla says:

Dear men,
I am the queen bee. And I’m very nice about it. So it’s all good.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:25am
294: bloom-ing says:

miss stix, me too. i wanna whisper. i feel gangly & awkwardly loud haha : ) hmhmhm humminghumming lol : )

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:26am
295: Miss Bells says:

Sometimes it feels like I have been tumbled dry.
HS has agreed to stop contacting OW online or off.
And….we are lovers once more.

But I won’t be moving back in without a ring and a new name.

He wants me to buy half his business at a very good price-making us partners. I am fine with business being business and romance being romance.

I can’t exactly say how this happened, but I was completely willing to walk away, I did walk away, and I will walk away again if the rubber-band starts snapping again.

The reason I was willing to try again with him is that I have not been authentic in sharing my feelings during the bad times. I have done great during the good times, but when he would withdraw i would withdraw even further. i never said I was in love with him. When he backed off I left and went to the east coast for a month. I am sure that he believed–up to a point–that he was not bending anything too out of shape. He mentioned that I was also on Match etc., and had my singles group. I told him why I was there and that I was entirely willing to get off.

This time I won’t step over anything.

As for the living together thing–I told him that I NEVER wanted to be the HOUSEMATE again, and at this point I wouldn’t ever live with a man again without marriage. Nothing personal.

I told him I want to be the Queen, to be adored. He grimaced a little. I said–that makes YOU the king!

I got hung up waiting for the mail at his house. My check is coming very soon. Finally I could see it was not going to come before I had to leave.

He said, by way of saying good-bye–”I Adoorre you. But it didn’t sound believable. I want to use a feeling message to fine tune this.

I said–I just want to feel special.

Something like “It is not that I want to hear fake or strained adoration. What I really want is clear true messages from your heart. I would like to hear an ‘I love you’ when it is true, and to say it back. And introduce each other as being in a relationship–you know–this is my girlfriend Miss Bells. That would feel good. Maybe even change our Facebook status. What do you think?

This is a real turning point for us as we approach the 5th anniversary of becoming lovers.

I am going to wait till he calls then say my speech.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:29am
296: MissStix says:

Heart

sure! If YOU please…

Mine has a little belly…But I like bellies yum

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:33am
297: Emerson says:

Thanks Tam for your comments to me! I have also had men tell me “you’re so independent and have all your ducks in a row!” when I’ve felt the opposite!!! Interesting.

Daria what is BC!??

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:40am
298: Heart says:

Awwwr Miss Stix …love handles…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:40am
299: Heart says:

Emers!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:42am
300: Starla says:

i am really in a bad mood today and i give myself permission to indulge in that sh*t lol

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:43am
301: LiliBee says:

I’m feeling alot of action oriented boy energy.

I am chanelling that energy into my work
I feel like ‘enough, let’s get things done already’.

I have gotten alot done for myself in this energy.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:43am
302: LiliBee says:

Me too Starla,

I am feeling impatient, and want things to move ahead.
Making my work move ahead today.
Haven’t had this productive energy in a while.
I fee alive and kickin’ eventhough I feel impatient

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:46am
303: Daria says:

Goddess Lily – I feel triggered by that excerpt. I would not offer my email instead, personally. I feel much more warm and powerful with Rori writings than some other people’s.

If I really didn’t feel comfortable giving out my number to people, I would use that. But I do. Actually I’m going to create little dating cards for myself so I have them handy when a man asks, something I’ve heard Rori talk about.

It’s still up to the man to call contact anyway.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:52am
304: LiliBee says:

I’ve been watching Long Island Medium tv show on TLC, and I feel fascinated by this woman.

Wether you believe in her chanelling deceased souls or not, she does provide peace of mind to many people.
She always comes up with something particular about the departed person to instill belief in the person she’s relaying the message to.
The message always provides validation, acknowledgement, gratitude.
People receiving the message always leave her with a sense of serenity in knowing.
They all say that it changes their life.

I wonder, what if I could create that feeling for myself?

I pray to my dearly departed aunt.
She treated me like I was the most precious lovable gift ever like I was 1 of her own 9 children.
She made space for me in her life.
She knew how to set me straight without making me wrong or bad.

I want to be soft and loving like her.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:54am
305: Tam says:

Oh, I suddenly feel so much better. I realise it’s not me. I realise he bailed because I am healing. Oh, it’s all falling into place. He met me pre-Rori and I was the little girl, who wanted to ‘go halves’ on everything and wanted to ‘help’ with everything. And the chase aspect was because I was emotionally totally unavailable and kept pushing him away. Consciously and subconsciously. I get it, I get it!!
No wonder.
The previous girlfriend was tall, blonde, big fake breasts, slim and had a great career….and still married to be separated, and living in another state. She was everything…unavailable, beautiful, high difficulty – and she got taken on weekend trips/hotels etc. Everything to win a woman which he knew he would never have. Ideal in fact, fantasy with no threat to ever become a real intimate relationship.

Now I am starting to be high difficulty…I am starting to heal and become emotionally more available…and he runs. I thought it might be one of us running at the change, or even both. I suspect that if I met him now I might well be turned off completely.
Aaaah…ok, so I made mistakes, but it feels better to think that this is mostly his stuff…and that he is running because I am getting ‘healthier’.
I feel so much better.
Perhaps I am spared an everlasting nightmare.
He isn’t coming along for the healing experience, prefers to stay stuck….I can accept that. But I am not staying stuck.
Phew.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:57am
306: Starla says:

I need to have a private moment here on the blog with you ladies, to say something I would never say aloud in ‘regular life’ as it sounds like putting myself down and not being the prize but

I can’t believe I got this fine ass mexican guy chasing me. bwahahaha

thanks rori!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 9:58am
307: Starla says:

i was so scared he would give up and move on to a more ‘available’ and hotter girl

but no. stick to your boundaries! be yourself! love yourself! don’t be scared to speak up!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i love it

THIS was what i had to learn from Warrior. I knew there was something he had for me.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:01am
308: Femininewoman says:

I love it Queen Bee.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:03am
309: Tam says:

Now I can feel my vibe shifting again, the dark cloud from last week’s misunderstanding has lifted and left me with knowledge.
And i found some places I can walk to and meet CDCuban if he calls at 3 like he said he would.
I am back on my horse. because I know this is NOT about me. I can do relationship and I can speak my truth and I am not going back into the hole ever again.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:04am
310: Daria says:

BC – birth control pills. I feel concerned they dulls a woman’s sense of spirituality, and also tax bodies and hormones /mind health on the long term. (sometimes short term too)

But they are tools like everything else in the world. Im choosing to believe that intuition leads me to health no matter what it may look like, whether BC , chasing a man, causing harm… If it feels good it’s part of the way at the time.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:08am
311: MissStix says:

310 daria

I see it a very similar way. I am also a firm believer in pheromones, and during ovulation is a peak time for the release of these chemical signals. My skin had less pimples when I was on BC. But looking back it was less vibrant, and my hair was duller, less luminous, less iridescent in colour. I was on a continuous dose for endometriosis but the pain was excrutiating still. I have not had a pain or a symptom of endo since I stopped taking them. (this is not medical advice, just my own experience). So I call BS on BC.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:16am
312: bloom-ing says:

so, miss stix, i feel curious – do you do like daria does & just feel the cycle out ? or… ?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:34am
313: bloom-ing says:

feeling dizzy, panicky & shaky lol…. woosh sheeee big ocean wave feelings ooooh yummy waves… haha… hmm

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:35am
314: Heart says:

This is the first time in years I am imaginary relationship free….I feel scared. I feel a kind of wobbly excited hopeful afraid feeling in my stomach…
Wow..
I feel weird.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:42am
315: MissStix says:

Bloom-ing

Do you mean as a means of postponing pregnancy? Or…Just how I know my own cycle?

Hmm actually I can answer both pretty easy…We only use the pull-out method (which feels like TMI but whatev i’ll hit post anyway). And my cycle is really easily feel-able because I get really bad mittelschmertz when I ovulate. I also keep a calendar so I know if i’m late.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:43am
316: Daria says:

I felt stumped a bit when a siren mentioned having severe pain at start of bleeding time that got lessened dramatically w BC

Then I got an answer from universe later reading that string pain at beginning of menses is from woman spiritual energy being stuck or not fully acknowledged. That taking a day or 3 for time off to honor bleeding time as sacred would change the pain and allow woman access to powerful spiritual energy.

I feel a sigh and a smile to have this to offer in the future to my daughters and women who ask me for help

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:49am
317: bloom-ing says:

lol…. i definitely thought ” mittelschmertz ” was a made-up word…. hehe….. : ))) ok, miss stix. thanks for sharing : )

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:50am
318: MissStix says:

Daria

It’s interesting, to me, that you mention this because like I said above I get this mittelschmertz “pain”. When I went off BC the first ovulation sent me to the hospital. I was confused and thought I must be having appendicitis or something. But the doctor told me that so many years of not ovulating caused a rather violent “bursting forth” (her words) of an egg (the initial pain) and left some blood in my abdomen.

Anyways…I still get it and realized I always have when I thought back to before I went on the pill at 16. Now I see it as a blessing and it’s only “painful” if I focus on it as pain. Otherwise, it’s just a slightly uncomfortable sensation and I welcome it.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 10:59am
319: MissStix says:

lol bloom-ing

I admit I thought a little WTF? when I first heard it…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:01am
320: Tam says:

I get it too

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:04am
321: Tam says:

I feel sad that I haven’t had sex in ages.
Oh well.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:07am
322: Emerson says:

Thanks Daria and I agree BC are not all they’ve been cracked up to be. They were soo Pushed on me when I was younger it was like oh you must get on these pills so you DO NOT get pregnant !!! What a joke nd a crock!! I wonder who I would have been attracted to if I was not on the pill.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:09am
323: Emerson says:

I think they really messed me up! I’ve been off BC for many years now. in my generation it was like a given that you’d be on the pill from like age 16…. Ugh!!!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:11am
324: MissStix says:

(((tam)))

It will be worth the wait, because you are choosing wisely.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:14am
325: Daria says:

Wow I feel surprised at how easily my mind finds evidence for my beliefs…

Like I just remembered when I used hormonal birth control – the patch – a few years ago.

For 3 months. And I did stuff sexually w an ex, that I didn’t feel comfortable doing… And I got sick.

And took antibiotics.

And then my PAP smear was irregular. In fact it was like grade 2 issue not mild 1 they said.

And I knew it was from the BC, I researched online and found lots of similar stories.

And I told the clinician and she said no it can’t be. And I was thinking to myself, she’s trippin.

And then she wanted to do the microscope look vinegar swab & biopsy. So I said ok to the first… She did the vinegar and looked.., and she’s like oh it’s not good.

We have to do the biopsy. And I was thinking of course it’s not good, cuz the PAP wasn’t. And I found out the biopsy meant cutting a chunk out of my cervix.

Well that didn’t sound safe. I thought I still might have traces of the infection I had previously, and a cut could get infected worse. She’s like it will just feel like a pinch were gonna cut a tiny piece.

Mmmm that just did Not feel safe. I don’t want my cervix cut, that’s Not wassup. This is a free clinic, this woman doesn’t know me or my fam, she’s treating me as one of lots of poor patients without other options, and I know that people aren’t likely treated as carefully in those circumstances. I should wait to see another doctor, one that I’m assured is Very knowledgeable and involved. Probably higly paid. That could cause other complications I don’t have now.

And she’s like it’s just standard procedure. And I’m like NO. It was the first time I said NO to a doctor, and it got me started to managing my own health.

She got all kinda hard about it and had me sign a waver that I know I might have cancer and the risk is Death.

Oh well lady. I signed it.

I knew it would likely normalize after the BC. I bough myself progesterone cream and used it – inconsistently lol but frequently as at that time consistency was impossible for me. (note: progesterone cream not something that’s to be used inconsistently)

Well of course next PAP was good and been ever since!

My thighs weren’t as thick and pretty as they had gotten on the patch , whew but I took charge of my health and now it’s my passion.

Then a couple years later the patch got recalled cuz women died , like w many birth control pills.

Go D!

So going on that DID have a Huge helpful effect for me. It was a part of my path and I feel glad I trmeberrd this story, I often used it for myself to remind me that everything turns out great even when seems its not going in the direction I want.

Hmmmmh

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:14am
326: Daria says:

(((Emerson)))

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:15am
327: Emerson says:

(((smile)))
(((tam)))

I’m feeling piney for male attention. I feel inspired by Starla’s rock star leaning back and not texting. I am feeling a new determination to be sireny and leaning back!!!! It feels food and relaxing.

I am also really focused on work and making money. I’ve gotten a fat paycheck recently and it’s very motivating. It’s buying me peace of mind and easing my feeling of desperation and it’s easing my yearning to reach out to old CDs for “help”…..

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:16am
328: Goddess Lily says:

I don’t know who I would be without my bc pills. I’ve been on different forms so long. It could be that I’m actually not that emotional. I’m terrified to be off them. I don’t trust myself to be off them.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:17am
329: Emerson says:

Thanks Daria <3

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:17am
330: Emerson says:

327 lol
* it feels GOOD not food

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:19am
331: MissStix says:

I went on them at 16 too…And for an entire year I bled for 2 weeks every 2 weeks until they put me on a stronger dose and that worked for over 10 years before I went off because of my separation. Then I actually tried to go back on them (the same ones I always took) and had the “breakthrough bleeding” problem again and I just said eff it! I didn’t want to go through that again and liked how I felt being off them.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:21am
332: Tam says:

Thanks Miss Stix…try to choose wisely…well, nothing interesting out there to choose from just yet.
In fact, I feel worried.
English CD is lovely and he wants to plan all these dates with me and we kissed last time, very briefly.
I felt zero. Not bad, not good just zero. Like kissing a wall. I feel worried that when we have more dates he will make a move. I feel worried that he might think this is heading somewhere. I just like his company like a friend’s.
I want to see where it is going but I don’t want to do anything else yet. How to bring that across….well, yes, with feeling messages, I know.
Men are scared of the ‘friends’ zone just as we are.
I don’t want to put him in there before getting to know him better, but I am pretty sure that’s where he will end up. I can feel it.
Pff.
It is starting to feel a little stressful and truly, I do not need more stresses right now.
All will be good

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:23am
333: Mel says:

Daria,

The severe pain I experience the first couple days of menses started when I was young. Probably even my first period. I lived with it for a long time. Doctors sent me for testing, prescribed some pretty strong pain killers… which I avoided unless absolutely necessary. Apparently my body produces too many prostaglandins. I’ve been warned that if I ever do have children, my labor is likely to be really quick, and to get to the hospital ASAP. I have never been in labour, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the extreme pain I feel each month could be likened to contractions.

The only thing I have found so far that will help is the bcp. With regulated hormones, my body does not create this unnecessary pain. I have tried a lot of holistic natural options, nothing has really helped in that regard. And I don’t really have the freedom in my job to take a lot of time off work when I’m feeling terrible.

For me it works. For now. But I often go off for lengths of time, to see if things have balanced out on their own. So far, they have not.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:25am
334: Daria says:

During that whole time of the story I actually felt extremely stressed and terrified. It was not a like ‘whatever’s’ it was huge for me. I felt freaked out.

But my intuition – which I was not used to listening to at the time – was clear that cutting inside myself after an infection there was a Big risk. Not a whatever.

Now I know in the US they push women to hysterectomies at menopause when they have issues – also spiritual – and that herbs can help with… To avoid cancer.

My mom got one. Poor mom. She’s in charge tho. In her frame Ot worked for her.

I feel scared I won’t be able to care for my family including my parents adequately, cuz I’m not inspiring and confident enough to have their trust. It’s gona heal. I am enough. I believe in me.

Wooohhhhfffff

I want to feel comfy knowing Money is here already helping me prepare to live in Florida. I want to Know. I want to feel solid and secure.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:26am
335: bloom-ing says:

Rogue Wave “Be Kind & Remind”

Better learn how to run
before you walk, babe
i’ll be with you for a while
nature’s been good, oh really

follow you down the path
toward the seals, babe
the beach is broken glass
you can’t have everything

please be kind and remind

I wanted to run with wolves
and the horses
while you’re home on the range
just one is good for me

please be kind and remind

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:27am
336: MissStix says:

When I was on the pill, not finding my keys, or not having the right change for laundry (the most rediculous stuff) could reduce me to sobbing tears. I thought that’s just how I was! :p

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:29am
337: Starla says:

miss stix 336 i was the same way

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:34am
338: Daria says:

Mel – I do believe that it’s stuck and unacknowledged spiritual energy. Perhaps yours is very powerful. Maybe there are generations of it unacknowledged.

Honoring the time, even while on BC, is what I would do. Perhaps In the evening. Perhaps slowly stepping toward a mindset where my inner life and time become more important than job and worldly schedule. If only for a window of time a month.

I feel stuck on how to share about this without being heard like I’m saying “you have to do this” or ” you should do this.” I’m not. I feel pinched and pressed. I choose my path for what feels good to me, and share about myself and my intuition. Thers no obligation, no matter how truggered , sad, or concerned I might feel about another’s choices.

Im choosing it all works toward healing in the end anyway. I have my story that remained me of that and I feel glad to have that friend.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:39am
339: Radlove says:

Sunshine,

21 – Thank you, yes, that helps. I think that’s the solution.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:40am
340: Radlove says:

Moonbeam,

29 – Thank you! That’s wonderful you’ve grown that deeply! I will keep moving in that direction.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:41am
341: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

31 – I think I understand what you said. It’s just if it takes hours for me to process something, it inhibits me from handling my life’s other responsibilities. I mean, it’s serious. It can take me half the day just to get normal when I wake up in the morning, and the other half just to process triggers. Ugh.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:43am
342: Radlove says:

Tereana,

43 – That’s really good, I’ll try that. What you said goes hand-in-hand with what Sunshine said.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:44am
343: Radlove says:

Lilibee,

53 – Right on, thanks!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:44am
344: Mel says:

Daria,

I feel loved, thanks.

“Honoring the time, even while on BC, is what I would do.” This feels good to me right now. Because I kinda feel resentment at my body. Feeling pain has made me feel all hurried and dreadful and “when’s this gonna be over!” and impatient toward my cycle.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:52am
345: Femininewoman says:

I love this

Rori Raye says:
Carlene – as far as my Tools go – this is the key here for you: “I told him that he should live with her since that’s why he’s leaving.” If, in the midst of all this pain, you can choose to TELL him What To Do – that tells me it’s been your general “style.” He’s looking for a woman who WON’T be telling him what to do – he wants a “girl” – and is just hoping this other woman is more like one than you are. She likely is NOT – and you now have the tools to turn into a girl overnight. So DO it!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:58am
346: Daria says:

Oh Mel I feel so happy you feel that way w my words. (((((Mel))))) wow I feel excited Imaginging loving bodies and bloodtimes

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:15pm
347: Miss Bells says:

#345
Very good advice.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:16pm
348: Tam says:

Cuban CD said he was calling at 3pm, now it’s nearly 20 past. After yesterday’s stand up, I am judging him as unreliable. Sorry about that Ladies.
I don’t want unreliable.
I want to poof.
I did really well yesterday staying open and explaining with feeling messages etc. Now I am wanting to ‘be done’.
He was the one who got very clingy anyway, and on the dating website kept saying ‘oh I see, still looking for other men’ and that ‘it’s a red flag’.
I am gonna poof.
I feel like poofing.
I have been the receiver off poofing a few times.
It would feel good to just poof now.
I feel naughty and giggly. He had his chance.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:19pm
349: bloom-ing says:

can’t remember if i posted this or not…

oh well

cd was saying that he is going to write an essay entitled “the explicit oppression and exploitation of women in modern culture”

lol

& he was talking about gendered expectations in relationship

he pointed out that Some Men “expect” a girl with “a waist like this & txts out to here”

& then he pointed out that Some Women “expect” to be chased around & treated like a Princess “without deserving it”

& he said “it has to start somewhere”

indicating also that he perceived it would be “easier” for the women to change their attitudes & “act like women” & “treat themselves like princesses” rather than to “try” to effect a change on “an entire aesthetic”

….

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:32pm
350: Starla says:

Loving myself with coconut lemongrass soup and veggie egg rolls

i feel totally worthy

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:33pm
351: bloom-ing says:

TREAT YO SELF

that’s what we say !

treat YOURSELF like a Princess : ))) yayyyyyyy

Princess Crown for ME ! yayyyyyyyyyy lol : )))

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:34pm
352: Tam says:

he just tried to call..feeling turned off. Stood up yesterday, didn’t call when he said he would. NEXT!!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:35pm
353: bloom-ing says:

i am worthy : ) i am worthy of a lifetime of love & cuddles ! i am ! i want that ! : )

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:35pm
354: Tam says:

I want a reliable man. A good man. I do not need to CD those who are needy, want to curtail me, and can’t keep appointments. That’s not practicing, that’s just getting annoyed.
I feel calm.
Aaaaaaahhhhh
If he is like that now…it’s only gonna get worse.
I might treat myself for dinner tonight and CD myself. At least I will meet myself on time!! Haha!!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:37pm
355: Tam says:

Haha…quick reminiscing…it does remind me of MrP who, knowing my intolerance for lateness and him being chronically late, used to send me updates, so I wouldn’t run. Every few minutes, for example, he might call me or text me ‘don’t leave, I WILL be there in 20 minutes….10 minutes…5 minutes’. It kind of disarmed me…and I did let him wait sometimes too…and he never complained – ha ha.
Bless him, it was a nice time. But the past is past.
Onwards and upwards.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:40pm
356: bloom-ing says:

Tam ! sounds fun ! TREAT YO’ SELF : )

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:42pm
357: bloom-ing says:

i’m about to hand in my resignation letter……… LOL

i feel “stxpid” for doing this, BUT ! “oh, well” right ?

feel dizzy & sick lol…. sweet girl ! go for it ! i feel so proud of you

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:50pm
358: Smile says:

Feeling a bit flat.

felt a bit distant from the blog and didn’t want to write but now I’ve identified my feeling I want to write it. It wasn’t enough to just feel it.

((my flatness))

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:53pm
359: Daria says:

wow Blooming thats awesome!!!! WOOOOH!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:53pm
360: bloom-ing says:

hehe, smile…..

PUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF i’m blowing a little wind your way to fluff you up, lady : )))

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:55pm
361: Starla says:

wow bloom-ing that’s big:)

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:56pm
362: Smile says:

Ha tam, your boundaries are good and strong girl!!
Man if you want me, phone at 3, not half 3!!

I’m remembering a post you wrote the other day,” I am a princess. ”

Princess Tam, only the best will do!!

I am a princess too!! Princess smile!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:57pm
363: Daria says:

Tam – 20 min past established time is not acceptable for me to meet anymore. Boundary im practicing on.

/i will decide if i will give him another chance another time, but most likely not.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:58pm
364: Smile says:

Blooming, thank you it worked!!!!!!!

More please 

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 12:58pm
365: Daria says:

awww… mom came and she kissed me goodnite. it was kinda simultaneous awww

and now she came back to invite me to sleep with her if its cold in my room so we can be warm together

awww mami

hehehehee

i love when my mami is in a loving mood toward me

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:00pm
366: Smile says:

Tam, is Cuban guy the one who was too keen? And cried on first date?

I wonder if he’s backed off a liitle because of your feelings about this. Could this be why he’s gone the ops way? To not appear too keen?! Therefore purposely phoned late? Just a thought.

Or have I mixed two of your CDs up? Ha!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:01pm
367: Smile says:

357- blooming. This would feel scary to me! Yey you!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:03pm
368: Femininewoman says:

Doesn’t matter his MO Smile. It depends on how Tam feels. A man will know how to handle our feelings – regardless of what they are.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:04pm
369: Starla says:

i am procrastinating

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:05pm
370: Smile says:

It’s 9pm. I want to go to bed 

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:05pm
371: Daria says:

yeah this is not him tho. That was BigCD i think…

this one is a gushy romantic talkign guy who so far is not good with schedules

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:09pm
372: Heart says:

I feel hungry…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:09pm
373: bloom-ing says:

ah, thank you, daria…. i feel nerve-y lol ………………… & super-spazzy fuzzy static-y energy…… cd told me today, “have fun !” hahahaha…. aww sweet EEK feeling…

praying for some “solidity” when i speak with my supervisor…. : )

((bossman))

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:10pm
374: Femininewoman says:

If you’re in a relationship with a man where you keep breaking up and then getting back together…

Then I can promise you 2 things are true for you:

Truth #1: The man in your life is NOT making you feel cherished and appreciated.

In fact, he is being reckless with your heart and your love.

If you go on like this, and don’t figure out what to tell him and how to handle his behavior, you’re going to stay stuck in this situation.

Truth #2: You are not going to be your BEST SELF for as long as your relationship is unstable and “on and off.”

Here’s The Reality…
Love can bring out the best in you and your partner. BUT… only when your love is aligned.

If you’re in an “on again, off again” relationship… then you’re by definition NOT aligned with your partner in your love.

Which means…

Since you don’t know how he’s going to show up from day to day…

…that you don’t know where your relationship is headed…

… and you’re living on shaky ground emotionally which is taking it’s toll on you.

What’s worse… it’s causing you to act in ways that actually put more distance between you and him, and you’re pushing him away out of fear.

I get it. When there’s no secure FOUNDATION for you and your heart, it undermines EVERYTHING. It throws you completely out of whack on every level, causing you to do and say things that you KNOW aren’t productive or helpful.

In fact, you do or say things that you know better than to do, but you can’t help it because of the way the situation is making you feel.

NO MORE.

It’s time to stop the PATTERN you’re in, or that your guy is bringing to your life. It’s time to finally be heard, to stop the cycles of off and on, and it’s time to get him to show up and be a better man.

Want To Know Something About Men?
Ok. Well, there’s a few secrets you should know about men who are dragging you through the “on again, off again” thing with their indecision.

Make sure you think about these, because they have everything to do with how you’re going to put an end to the “off and on” cycles for good.

Here’s what’s often true about men who are putting you through the “off and on” cycles:

He often pulls away right after you finally get truly CLOSE and intimate again (*Hint: it’s actually being deeply intimate again that will trigger him as long as you don’t figure out how to change things)
He doesn’t have a real “reason” why he keeps pulling away, just excuses
He COMES BACK to you and wants to be “on” again when he feels the emptiness/loneliness that comes when he takes space and is by himself (*Hint: he is avoiding HIMSELF and his own feelings and uses you as an emotional “crutch”)
He makes big promises each time he comes back to you and goes back on the things he said were the reason he left before
Any of these sound familiar?

I thought so.

It’s Time You Broke This Cycle Once And For All

CCarter

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:11pm
375: bloom-ing says:

awwwww (((((((Daria&Daria’sMami)))))))) mm i feel so moved reading that…. my mama & i are going on a Women’s Retreat on Friday : )) i feel excited : )

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:16pm
376: Smile says:

Ah, I thought it sounded a bit totally one way then totally the other way!

I was just confused and curious. But now understand why. It’s a different cd lol.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:20pm
377: Smile says:

Note to self…

It’s time to stop the PATTERN you’re in, or that your guy is bringing to your life. It’s time to finally be heard, to stop the cycles of off and on, and it’s time to get him to show up and be a better man.

Thanks FW.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:22pm
378: MissStix says:

374

….I feel a little odd reading this. I haven’t yet put my finger on it.

I don’t know if it’s just the wording “Time to get him to…” ewww. Or what. I will report back when I have dug deeper.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:34pm
379: MissStix says:

Is it the assumption that “on again, off again” is always a man pulling away from a woman? Maybe…Yes definitely part of it. Hmmm

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:36pm
380: MissStix says:

I wonder what it would be like if every woman everywhere just stopped trying to “get” a man to do anything…

Just stopped all together and just focused on doing what’s right for her at any given time. And if a man is naturally inclined to make the effort needed fantastic, and if not, next!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:45pm
381: April Rose says:

I hear ya, Miss Stix,

In the past it has been me who has been on again off again.

I don’t hear this addressed anywhere.

Maybe there is a window for us to become coaches around this!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:46pm
382: Simply Goddess says:

Ok.. So haven’t heard from him since yesterday when he text to say he’d leave it.. Longest time we’ve ever gone without speaking.. A day and a half and no contact..

Its strange.. I know I told him at the weekend that I wanted to think but Im thinking hes just got on with it and forgotten about me.. Kinda angers me he isnt trying to get in touch and its defeating the object.. haha

Whats he thinking.. hmm.. I know I need to get out of his head..

Will he just get sick of the no contact and ignorance and end it..

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 1:57pm
383: MissStix says:

AR

Yeah…To the point where it feels like a flaw to be a woman who might “let go” at the snap of a finger. From the feminine side it feels so…”detatched” at times. Yet at the same time I feel a deep emotional/physical/chemical bond with my partner.

Rori says removing yourself from a situation is feminine. I wonder why I see it as a detatched and masculine trait…

Maybe this is something I am taught that men are “supposed” to do. Love and leave so easily. But then I see the more masculine men I know forming very strong bonds with their women, and feeling the pain of losing them more deeply.

So a$$ backwards! lol It is my mission to understand this. And it feels like I already do, but social conditioning is hard to erase off the surface to see through to the other side more clearly.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:02pm
384: Simply Goddess says:

Text to say he’d leave coming down for his stuff till another night I mean.. He’d already said he’d leave me to have my ‘think’

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:03pm
385: Simply Goddess says:

374: Femininewoman

..and you break the cycle how?
xx

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:09pm
386: Daria says:

hmmm if it was just on my side being on again off again, he’ll just continue pursuing me when im off, waiting and finding ways to get me back on… so i’d always feel cherished anyway

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:18pm
387: MissStix says:

PS AR

Anyone who wants to brainstorm with me on ideas that suit this pattern is fully welcome.

I have started trying to process this in my mind because it doesn’t make a lot of sense, and yet it seems to be harmonious to allow the masculine to do all the “fighting” for the relationship.

And intuition may say “that’s not fair…” but experience tells me the masculine can handle it when he’s decided he is invested. And even to me it looks like a strategy at first glance but I know it has to be done completely free of strategy, and on the most basic level, totally authentically.

It’s almost like…Throw any and all “advice” out the window. Figure out what really makes you tick. What feels good? What doesn’t? What seems like it might feel good at first glance but is actually a wolf in sheeps clothing? Figure it all out for you as a human then just simply act accordingly. Honestly and authentically.

…

I dunno :p

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:18pm
388: bloom-ing says:

simply goddess,

i imagine “breaking the cycle” could look a lot of different ways…..

rori talks about “showing up as different” ? i think ?

giving up, focusing on myself, noticing patterns that feel bad & experimenting with new ways to handle the old triggers or situations, meeting lots of people, smiling & being friendly to everyone, “dating the world,” dating actually if i’m not in Relationship with one man, finding new ways to please & soothe myself……

what do you think? how do you imagine it might look for you ?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:19pm
389: MissStix says:

daria 386

You don’t have to make it sound so complicated… jeez

I guess it is that simple when you get right down to it.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:22pm
390: Simply Goddess says:

Im really not sure..
Feel a bit stumped right now..
I said I wanted to think about us this week while hes away working.. Now we arent speaking I guess hes letting me ‘think’ but it just seems so odd to go to not speaking at all..
We’re both on chat and still not speaking..
I feel like Ive put myself in the position where its up to me to talk to him now.. What do you think?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:26pm
391: Daria says:

Miss stix – lol

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:27pm
392: MissStix says:

hmmm

To me breaking the cycly looks like…I’ve had enough of you boring, mean old cycle! *Karate chop* that cycle! Yay it’s broken! And dancing around the shattered pieces of that rough sad cycle. But my cycle is broken on the floor in pieces! Oh no How do I fix it? hmmm I guess I don’t fix it! I just sink into the delicious knowledge that I broke it and love that for a while. Maybe work on a way of creating my new “pattern” which isn’t a pattern at all but a messy line with curves amd bends and loopdy loops but definitely no cycles!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:31pm
393: Daria says:

abt feeling ‘detached’ i used to call it ‘cold’ but really it feels more ‘stony’ ‘aloof’ like im on a somewhat inaccessible mountain sighing, rolling my eyes away from him dramatically and inspecting my nails…

oh how i know this feeling

the way i imagine it is because my heart is closed. prob cuz of being too triggered being that vulnerable…

i really like the new tool i have inspired by Blooming’s words where im a giant goddess, who is not to move towards him lest i will topple over him

i made a tool where im a Giant, swirly color, breathing, permeable sphere

and men are like sticks

if i distort myself like some gooey water and reach for him, i get all distorted and he freaks out and runs cuz giant hands are reaching out to grab him out of the water

but if i just be me and breathe and be my gooey sphere self, kinda like a baby, im so swirly shimmery colored and hes NAturally not only curious but fascinated and attracted powerfully to come closer and really to Penentrate and stick himself inside lol

sperm Egg kinda thing

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:32pm
394: Tam says:

366 Yep Smile, you mixed them up, ha!! The cry baby has had a freak out because he thought we were in a relationship after one date and I did not answer each of his 10 texts between 8am and midday.
Cuban CD stood me up yesterday, kind of (last minute call at 7:30pm) and today called at 3:30 not 3 as he said.
Both are history….I am just not up for that anymore.
Thanks for your support Ladies!!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:32pm
395: Daria says:

Egg makes herself available by putting herself out where she can be seen – traveling to uterus

she doesnt ‘reach’ for the sperm tho

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:33pm
396: Daria says:

Yay Tam ! you’re getting some great practice!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:33pm
397: Simply Goddess says:

I dont know if im doing the right thing..
Im quite busy with work which is why its een quite easy to not text him.. and yet im kinda waiting for him to come after me.. but yet I told him I want time to think etc.. Im confusing myself. Am I just acting cold and detached? How can I open my heart without leaning forward?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:36pm
398: April Rose says:

bloom-ing, I love this

“finding new ways to please & soothe myself…”

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:38pm
399: MissStix says:

393

Omg I love this! esp the sphere vision. You 2 ladies are too much.

Oh yum, I am a goey swirly colourful iridescent sphere. Low density and totally penetrable, but 100% perfectly spherical at all times.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:39pm
400: Tam says:

Daria, I feel very happy, slightly amused and all important that you are keeping track of my CD’s…how lovely

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:39pm
401: bloom-ing says:

wow… just did it. ((((((((((((((bossman)))))))))))))))

he’s nice & i was honest & he told me i can sleep on it : )

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:40pm
402: MissStix says:

And sphere is mobile…But moving only where she wants to move and moving in entirety. No bending or morphing. No leaving bits of goo behind.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:41pm
403: April Rose says:

Miss Stix, Daria,

Yes! When I go ‘off’ again he is waiting or else plotting or else taking care of himself.

When I ‘ran away’ for two weeks, EM took himself on a holiday, didn’t call me for five days, and then timed his call perfectly just as I was becoming receptive again.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:41pm
404: Tam says:

No, too right..egg doesn’t reach for the sperm!! Egg makes her own way and wanders about on a little walk feeling all important. Sperm comes racing..and the fastest and fittest wins. What a GREAT metaphor!!!
And cute. I see a little egg feeling all important because there is only ONE and all those sperms racing..haha…YES!!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:41pm
405: MissStix says:

Oh yes! Thank you thank you! I love it when this gets triggered mmmmmmmm my sphere, I, am mostly dark sparkling purple with a bit of derp ocean blue and marbles of silver, specks of white glitter all swirling about.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:44pm
406: bloom-ing says:

miss stix, you’re totally indigo : )

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:45pm
407: MissStix says:

Giggles ladies this is too much!

I can see soooo many little sperm, tails furiously waggling racing to egg!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:46pm
408: Starla says:

I’m feeling all separate from the blog today
and kind of pouty
and i know i’m totally welcome here
awww weepy starla
these feelings are sweet and human

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:47pm
409: bloom-ing says:

simply goddess, mmm to me it might sound nice to just “open my heart” energetically & imagine ways that would feel nice to connect…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:50pm
410: Simply Goddess says:

haha I like the sperm – egg metaphor

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:50pm
411: MissStix says:

(((starla)))

Come be an egg sphere with us lol

uhhhh….Bet this is the strangest request you’ve ever heard

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:50pm
412: bloom-ing says:

hehe (((((starla)))))

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:51pm
413: Simply Goddess says:

Hard times fall upon everybody… Whatever it is, we’re going to get out of it #Hello

Hes put this on twitter.. Random.. What could that mean?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:53pm
414: Butterfly wings says:

229 Turquoise – I wanna see those boots! Post a pic on siren island!! Hehe my shoe fetish needs a fix!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:53pm
415: MissStix says:

(((simply goddess)))

You are amazing. I want to paint you with so many vibrant colours of love! And I want to allow you space to stretch and grow so tall! And I believe you can.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:54pm
416: Simply Goddess says:

409: bloom-ing
nice..

415: MissStix
Aww, that was lovely.. xxx

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 2:58pm
417: Simply Goddess says:

Ahh, its a Mike Tyson quote he put on..
I wish he’d just step up and realise how amazing I bloody am and come after me on a white horse.. and pick me up (Officer and a gentleman style) and promise me the world.. then whisk me off to Santorini to get married (A la Mamma Mia..) and live happily ever after.. (like a Disney film),, Hmph.. He doesnt even as much put his fingers into action and text me good night..

P enis

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:02pm
418: bloom-ing says:

hehehe the “egg” shape really works for me, daria…. i’m really loving how i have to pay constant attention to keep myself from tipping hahaha…. feels amusing & smile-y : ))

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:08pm
419: Starla says:

missstix 411, actually the oddest request i ever got was ‘get in the egg position’ (a trampoline game where you get popped up)… how funny! we still joke about it to this day. something about eggs is so funny.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:09pm
420: Daria says:

“”I Don’t Know How To Give Her What She Wants From Me.”

By Dr. Margaret Paul
October 08, 2012

Do you sometimes feel like you try to give your partner the connection he or she wants and can’t figure out how?

I was having a Skype session with Andrea and Lawrence. Married for 18 years with two teen-age children, their marriage was strained. When I asked Lawrence how things were going between them, his answer was the same as always: “Fine.” When I asked Andrea the same question, she got a pained look on her face. “Things are okay, but not great. I’m lonely with Lawrence so much of the time. We just can’t seem to connect.”

Lawrence became defensive. “I can never do things good enough or right enough for you. You are always unhappy about something.”

“Lawrence,” replied Andrea, “I tell you all the time what a great father you are and what a great provider you are. You are a good, kind and loving person. But I need time and connection with you. I get connection with my girlfriends, but not with you, and this makes me feel very sad.”

“Margaret, I don’t know how to give her what she wants from me. I don’t understand what she needs.” Lawrence looked distressed and confused.

Lawrence agreed to have one-on-one sessions with me.

Like so many of the people I work with, Lawrence had some severe trauma in his childhood, with no one to help him handle it. His beloved mother died in a car accident when he was six, and his father turned to alcohol. His way of managing the overwhelming feelings of heartbreak, loneliness and helplessness was to disconnect from his emotions and stay in his mind. A brilliant man, he became a high achiever. Focusing on success kept him so busy that he didn’t have time to feel what was going on inside him. After awhile, the feelings seemed to fade away.

Now, as an adult, he was completely out of touch with his feelings, and very afraid to open to them. The idea of feeling what was buried within him terrified him.

Because he could not connect with himself – with the feeling child within – he could not connect with Andrea, and this is what she was sad about. She loved Lawrence, but this wasn’t enough. She needed to feel him to connect with his heart. But he was afraid to share his heart – afraid to feel the deep pain that was lodged there.

Because Lawrence cared about Andrea and her feelings, he was finally willing to face his fear of feeling.

“Lawrence, feeling your feelings is about being present in your body rather than focused in your mind. Right now, take a deep breath and put your focus into your body. Get very present inside your body. Are you aware of any emotions?”

“I feel sad and scared.”

“What are you sad and scared about?”

“I’m sad that I don’t know what it means to connect and that Andrea is sad about this, and I’m scared that I can’t do what she needs me to do and that this is hurting our marriage.”

“Lawrence, right now you ARE connecting. You are connecting with your feelings and sharing them with me, which allows me to connect with you. Andrea has often said that she wishes you would let her in. This is what she means – what you are doing right now. You CAN do this! How does it feel to be sharing your feelings with me?

“This feels good. But I don’t know how to do this on my own. I’ll never remember to feel my feelings.”

I shared with Lawrence that I completely understood this, as when I first started to practice the first step of Inner Bonding – being aware of my feelings and wanting responsibility for them – 28 years ago, I also had difficulty remembering to be aware of my feelings. I was very aware of others’ feelings, but never my own. I bought a wonderful little gadget called a MotivAider, which buzzed against my body however often I set it to buzz, and it reminded me to check in with myself. I wore this for over a year until I had trained myself to be present with my feelings.

Lawrence got a MotivAider and started practicing tuning in to himself. Andrea reported that, even in just a week, she felt much more connected with Lawrence.

In time, Lawrence got comfortable enough with his current feelings that he was able to open to the buried pain within him, with deep caring and compassion for himself. He learned that he could manage and release these past painful feelings, as well as current painful feelings. He also learned that his feelings held much important information for him regarding how he was treating himself and others, and how others were treating him. His fear of feeling was healed as he learned to compassionately learn from his feelings, rather than avoid them.”

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:12pm
421: Starla says:

I see myself in a peaceful little spiritual workshop, offering Reiki and reflexology services.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:19pm
422: Daria says:

so real:

”
Should I Stay or Should I Go?

By Phyllis Stein, Ph.D.
April 25, 2009

Staying in our bodies is central to living a life of peace and joy. The article is about becoming aware of how we leave to protect and what it takes to comes back.

No, this is not a column about relationships, at least not with other people. It is a column about one of the primal ways that our inner kids cope with things that overwhelm them. The concept of dissociation is not a new one and the idea of dissociation, of leaving our bodies as a way to cope with severe emotional and physical abuse, is well known. What I did not realize until recently was that what I though of as dissociation was actually the extreme end of something that probably most children, including me, learned to do.

At intensive after intensive, I was told that I was in my head, that I was “out there,” that people could not “feel me.” I struggled valiantly to change that, to move into my body, to get out of my head, to tune in. It never occurred to me that this place was a form of dissociation.

Recently, I became increasingly aware of this “out there” feeling. Although I would be talking a mile a minute, being very entertaining, etc, etc. when I tuned into what I was feeling, it was a sense of spinning, of desperately trying to change something, usually on the outside, to give me the feeling that things were under control, that I was safe. I really could not even tune into how my little girl was feeling, except that I was spinning. Exactly what I had felt at all those intensives but could not name. Suddenly I understood that my little girl was dissociating.

I tuned into her, asking her why this was happening, and I remembered being little, maybe 3, and my father roughhousing with me. He would tickle me and pin me down. Eventually, when I got hysterical enough, my mother would tell him to stop. I remembered how at first I would be angry but I could not hold onto that. I could not fight back. I realized that it was too much and I had left my body. I realized that I had a judgment on myself for doing that. I was able to go back and tell my little girl that she had gone to be with God and that what she did was okay.

More than that, however, I was able to bring her back to the safety of my body. I realized that once we start to dissociate, it is like there is a worm hole created and the minute things get to be too much, “Whoosh,” out we go. I could see how from then on, as soon as things got overwhelming, for example when my mother and I got into an argument, I would dissociate and there I would be, spinning, trying desperately to defend myself, but really, gone.

So what became clear to me was that once I was out there, there was nothing I could do on the outside level to get reconnected. What I had to do was to go inside and find the little girl who had split and almost grab her by the ankle and help her come back. Only then could I be present. I realized too that when we dissociate, we are disconnected from our own power, literally.

Recently, there was a discussion on the Inner Bonding site of the spiritual aspect of dissociation and I understood for the first time that what we call a spiritual bypass works exactly the same way. Something becomes overwhelming and the inner child whooshes out, consciously going to God and to bliss. The belief is that doing this enough will provide safety and a sense of worth because, after all, God is the source.

The problem with a spiritual bypass is this, the reason that the child has left is that there was something too overwhelming to stay present for. So this child is not okay when he or she leaves. This not okay state is NEVER dealt with. The desperate feeling is never healed. Going to God does not solve the underlying issue and for that reason there is no way that this child can ever really feel safe and loved. The child can feel that he or she has a place to escape to, which has its appeal, but the true safety of having a loving adult present, the true safety of personal power and even the experience of deep emotional connection with others is never possible.

So fundamentally, once we are conscious of this process, we all have a choice, to stay or go. Notice, without judgment, the little one who believes that he or she has no choice except to go. The challenge of having a loving adult is to provide enough safety so that your inner child can stay. Are you willing to take the job of providing a different choice?”

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:23pm
423: Turquoise says:

So, Mr. Conversation texted me to ask if I was ok. All I replied back was yeah. No feeling message there. I don’t know if I want to talk about it though. He says we should always talk about everything, that is how we resolve it….. but I don’t want to have a serious conversation over text. Too easy to misconstrue something. Not sure I want to say anything to him at all about us…. just be different.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:26pm
424: Turquoise says:

Ok, BW… I will. I haven’t been on siren island in forever!

I feel so sleepy…. wish I could stay home, but off to a school function for one of my girls.

(((Heart)))

Starla, you are such a rockstar!

I heard from a new guy on POF who sounds meetable. He’s a mechanical engineer who also owns a winery. Divorced with 3 grown daughters… I typed the wrong name and he laughed in his reply, but said with my eyes and smile I could call him anything I wanted. lol.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:33pm
425: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise I would tell him “feeling reflective and internally focussed” in an effort to be honest. U could also say you dont feel ready to talk yet. But let him talk abt the relationship. Just be the navigator of you.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:35pm
426: April Rose says:

“The challenge of having a loving adult is to provide enough safety so that your inner child can stay.”

It feels fun to create an inner Dad that does all the things that my little girl wants him to, so that she can feel safe, protected, and loved.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:41pm
427: Daria says:

blooming — hmm your interpretation is different,

mine is a lil more spherical, and i lay a soft beutiful textile down on the earth and make a small indentation and she lays on it…kinda likea crystal ball on a velvet tablecloth.. she doesn’t really tip or even roll (though i suppose she could roll) but if she starts reaching out she gets all distorted out of shape. it kinda feels like being an infant on my back

all gooey and ooey and it shows by sparkly colors in me

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:41pm
428: Starla says:

thank you ladies, i feel much love here

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:42pm
429: April Rose says:

My inner Dad does not compromise my little girl’s health by smoking.

My inner Dad holds my little girl’s hand and squeezes it, saying “I’m looking after you and watching your back”.

My inner Dad earns enough money to take care of my little girl’s love of pretty things.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:44pm
430: April Rose says:

Goodnight sirens

I’m looking forward to an egg for breakfast!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:53pm
431: Butterfly wings says:

I’m not sure what happened while I was sleeping last night but I was exhausted when I woke up. And I also feel this amazing sense of peace, plus really loving and tender feelings towards TH.

It feels weird but in a really really good way….

He’s gone in two days for 3 weeks. I have a lot going on in that time including at least one cd and one night out with the girls where we will as usual find ourselves surrounded by men…!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 3:58pm
432: Radlove says:

Daria,

422 – I struggle with disassociation.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:08pm
433: Daria says:

ohhh I just read the Inner Father story again and i feel all peaceful

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:17pm
434: LiliBee says:

422:

Daria,

I don’t want to go anymore.
I feel the tears coming up into my eyes.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:18pm
435: Daria says:

Radlove – me too…

i just read this lovely Inner Father story Belle sent me… it helped me transform the first time and I felt less triggered – 70 % gone anxiety around my mom

i read it the second time now and I believe it’s shifted me again…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:19pm
436: Linda says:

I am copying a pasting this one here. Thank you Siren Angel for typing these words.

Life gets in the way and junk clutters my thoughts.Under the junk of life…deep down inside I am these words…..

I am a goddess
I am the prize
I am yummy, juicy, beautiful, sweet, warm and feeling and soft
Any man would jump hoops to be with me right now
Any man would rather be with me right now
I am the one
I am whole
I am enough
I am a delicious, wonderful, amazing Prize
I AM AMAZING
I AM THE PRIZE
I AM THE YUMMY PIE, ALL OF IT!!!
I AM THE ONE

I felt pretty today
I felt strong and driven on the treadmill at the gym today.
I made extended eye contact with every man I met today and smiled.
I dont know where that energy came from… oh wait
deep down.. under all that stuff that life piles on me… I am there… and I like me.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:23pm
437: Marian says:

Hello girls…

This is the first time I post, I don’t even know why I’m doing this, but I feel so helpless… and somehow reading you all feels right.

It’s been a month since he asked me for “time”, things weren’t that good lately, but I supposed I chose to believe things could get better! I bought Rori’s book, and started to use her tools, I suppose afterall I was a bad student because no matter how much I tried to connect with him (and at some point I really thought that was happening) he just … left me!

It’s been a month and I still dont know what to do, I’ve tried you know? hang out with friends, I’m taking dance clases, I’m sharing with people, I’ve cried… sometimes I even dare to believe everythigs is going to be all right! But It’s like nothing truly works!

And I really, really would love to hear ANY advice you could give me, cause I feel AWFUL and I can’t stop thinking what did I do wrong? Even if I realize that thought is stupid.

Hope you can take some time to read and reply me…

Love!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:24pm
438: Daria says:

heres the page to download the book ladies… the story I read in the book is called the Inner Father… I just let the story change me and read it with openess. It worked…

http://soulconnection.net/downloads_books.html

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:25pm
439: Linda says:

I have been phoneless since Friday evening. My cell phone unexpectidly lept from my pocket into a small body of water. (THe toliet bowl)… haha

Fragile things those cell phones… The rice trick did not work… My replacement is on its way. Gotta love insurance on those expensive things!

Thank you Linda for thinking ahead and protecting your investment!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:28pm
440: Linda says:

I am waiting for My man… he is coming. He is hungry for me.

…. that felt fun to type

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:32pm
441: Daria says:

whoa this is a new coach lady who friended me on facebook

and this video is for men on how to turn us on by touching our hands!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZcdBVEDFiI&feature=player_embedded

im REALIZING THAT I DO THIS MYSELF SPONTANEOUSLY AND THATS ONE WAY I GET ATTRACTED TO PRETTY MUCH ANY MAN!

i allow him to touch and hold my hand when he does (even when tho it feels vulnerable and awkward)

and as i relax and breathe and do my shimmery breath…

and kinda melt, i start extending my fingers and kinda like “doing the cat” with my hand and rubbing it against his…

it feels VERY romantic!

and fascinating

and not that scary or like im coming on to him… its more like im getting a hand massage for myself lol!

wow this feels so awesome to learn!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:39pm
442: Daria says:

i dont rub his hand, i kinda get MY hand rubbed by rubbing against his, my hand all outstretched and energy flowing, the way a cat rubbs up against a wall or leg

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:41pm
443: Daria says:

oh i know how i might start it

i might turn the back of my palm to me, and stretch out my fingers, admiring my nails…

(something to do to keep the focus on me

and then i make almost a loose fist and rub my thumb and my index and middle finger tips on each other, like im feeling the fabric of the air between my hands

pulliing energy frmo the air in, then extending my fingers out again to let it out…

got that from bellydancing

i kinda fascinate myself with it

usually a man will touch my hand and i just continue doing it in the way that feels most pleasurable, turning my hand wihtin his hand, etc, like a dance…

i just follow the pleasure…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 4:59pm
444: Daria says:

this is usually when im sitting next to a man in a car and we’re parked

i rub my thighs lightly too looking down at my hand, to keep the focus on me…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:00pm
445: Daria says:

yeahhh ui look at the estended bck of my hand, close my hand and rub fabric back and forth a fewa times

then roll my hand over and extend it out palm up…he he

it jsut feels good!

i want to do a video on this that would feel …. (Numb) but thrilling

this is in the air in front of me

im just kinda playing with looking at and rubbing my fingers

im loooking at my fingers the whole time

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:03pm
446: Daria says:

lol now that im trying to do it on purpose im not getting to the part where it feels good to flip and extend palm up hehe

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:04pm
447: Daria says:

yes i am !

lol

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:04pm
448: Daria says:

Here it IS I MADE THE VIDEO JUST NOW!!!!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=478234175540492&saved

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:16pm
449: Daria says:

wow i just watched it ! you can REALLY SEE HOW IM FEELING EACH TIME even when i tighten up…. oh wow i didn’t know it was SO obvious!!! Wow i feel blown away seeing myself like this

I’m feeling thrilled! My first video!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:20pm
450: Annie says:

374: Femininewoman.

Thanks for this.
What is the reccomendadtion?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:21pm
451: Daria says:

thanks Inner Father for helping me make this video for me!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:23pm
452: Goddess Lily says:

Ha Ha I just caught up. Great ladies! Now at the mixer tomorrow I’m gonna see a bunch of frenzied SPERM men running around.

I just got back from shopping for my male friend for the mixer. He’s a good guy. I really want him to find somebody, the clothing just needed a bit of an upgrade. I feel like I made a difference. Now what the heck do I wear!?!? Less than 24 hours, suddenly I feel rushed.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:24pm
453: Daria says:

I feel kinda sad that people won’t notice that first post…

Here is ME! My first video of a tool:

It’s not someone else… it’s me Daria!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=478234175540492&saved

I want to feel seen and loved and I’m sharing !

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:26pm
454: Goddess Lily says:

Awesome Daria! I’m going to try that tomorrow at the mixer!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:29pm
455: Tam says:

love your video, Daria..you look so happy and content too, it’s quite calming!!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:45pm
456: MissStix says:

There is so much guy energy around me right now…Too much. I will watch daria’s video when I am alone! I feel excited

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:47pm
457: Radlove says:

Daria,

Thanks for the link to the Inner Father!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:49pm
458: Tam says:

As I was CDing myself today by choice, I walked along the beach looking for a place to eat and imagining all good things coming to me.
A man stopped right in front of me and whispered ‘you are soooo beautiful’ at me.
It was very strange as it was a half whisper, like it came from another world!! I just smiled at him
I had no make up, wasn’t particularly nice dressed or anything.
Then went to eat at a little place by the beach, really enjoyed my food slowly and watching the people around me. Lots of men smiling at me and me smiling back. A really nice looking guy walks in through the door with a friend and he actually turned around and smiled at me..I held eye contact and smiled back.
I wouldn’t have done that normally, would have been too shy.
It felt good.
I felt seen and surrounded by friendly good-willed and non-threatening masculinity.
It was nice.
I am not longing so much anymore for things that aren’t meant to be.
I let out a little sigh now and then for things that aren’t meant to be, and I release them into the Universe.
I still feel sad but also accepting.
It felt like all this attention tonight wanted to tell me:
it’s not you. you are fine. you are perfect. keep doing what you are doing. we are with you.

Thank you people.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:51pm
459: Daria says:

Goddess Lily – wow ! Thank you

i usually use it for one on one quiet time… like when i start feeling anxious sitting next to him in the car or couch and we’re listening to music (music helps with the open close hand dance rhythm thing)

if you can do this at a mixer well wow! I want to learn … Ive felt a bit numbed out in big groups before…

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:53pm
460: Daria says:

Thanks Tam – Hehe yeah thats me sinking into my feelings with a man… its like a date is a Hypno Trigger for me to instant relaxation… that’s why i love them!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:54pm
461: Daria says:

“A man who cannot provide adventure (mentally and socially) for a woman will not be able to penetrate her mentally enough for her to want more.”

Nicole Abundance

WOW I GET IT! thats hwat im looking when i want to go out with a guy and ‘show off’ and be flashy

Social Adventure! and its totally ok to want that!

I def provide my own mental adventure hehe… a man who can add to that IS a turn on, but i don’t ‘need’ it – though used to think i did… only got that kinda attraction once every 7 years lol

now im good with my own mental adventure

i want to create my own social adventure to where i feel seen and wonderful the whole time… no unworthy feelings

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:57pm
462: Daria says:

men provide social adventure for me cuz his presence can make it ‘ok’ for me to feel safe and bold and free…

i dont have to feel scared and therefore don’t feel numb in crowds

it really helps me shine!

i want to provide this to myself!

without alcohol too that was my previous way

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 5:59pm
463: Daria says:

I feel triggered and confused and judgemental at words like “take action” that some marketing ppl use

*does not compute*

i just noticed Rori doesn’t use them… no wonder i feel safe w her.. Rori is never about bs hehe

i feel excited to use my own words to create tools and stuff! i feel so glad im aware of such things and won’t use ‘industry’ words that i don’t like, just cuz they’re common

gghhhh

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:03pm
464: Radlove says:

Linda,

439 – I am waiting for my man, too! He will see my spirit and heart first, and he will love me through and through!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:13pm
465: Radlove says:

Daria,

460 – I agree! That’s a big reason I am attracted to R and not attracted to K.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:14pm
466: Radlove says:

Daria,

I really enjoyed your video! I would enjoy seeing a video of you actually interacting with a man…in the Rori Raye dance position! How do you feel about that?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:17pm
467: Daria says:

Radlove – wow thanks for the idea…! i was feeling curious about that… now that im hearing it from you i feel even more inspired!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:20pm
468: Daria says:

Radlove – well my point was that im actually not needing men for mental adventure anymore… and im babystepping toward not relying on them for social adventure…

so actually that’s freed me up to practice opening up to men who take good care of me, rather than focus on ‘getting’ those qualities from a man. And I am thinking i will FIND THOSE QUALITIES IN ANY MAN AS I LEARN TO SEE THEM IN EVERYMAN… and staying in feminine and being curious will inspire them to come out of the man so i can see them

oh this feels so exciting!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:23pm
469: Daria says:

the mental adventure thing was a reason i was so hanging on to Guywho

i was picking men based on that, rather than on how well they treat me

now that comes first, and i will inspire and be open to those adventure qualities in any man, even if i can’t see them at first

and yay im getting more of the men who Do have them too! or maybe im seeing them in more men now already

ohhh i feel happyyy

plus watching this woman Nicole’s youtoube, i got inspired to stroke my face neck and heart to turn myself on gently, and want to practice doing this for myselt

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:28pm
470: MissStix says:

I want to practice more ways of gently turning myself on with my own touch! Thank you.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:34pm
471: Radlove says:

Daria,

Kool, I love your fresh perspectives!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:38pm
472: Butterfly wings says:

Oh I like that article Radlove! Thank you for sharing!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:45pm
473: Daria says:

Getright man offered social adventure. He was always calling someone to hang out and we would always be meeting lots of people

well Guywho also

wow i didn’t quite get how common this is to make a man have me want him

How can I give myself more social adventure?

i feel scared!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:47pm
474: Daria says:

hmmm my brothers offered me social adventure

i fele helpless to create this for myself

i can be flexible and then i won’t need to feel helpless

((((Daria))))

i love your feelings

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 6:52pm
475: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

I chatted with Mr. C. a little bit tonight over text, but it didn’t come up and I didn’t feel any desire to bring it up. He’s not doing anything wrong, this isn’t his fault. And the odd thing is, I DO believe what he tells me, I just still want more anyways. So, that is on me to figure out. He had a blah day at work…. really trying to get back into an old business he worked for, it’s sales related, and he’s had a few bad days with it. Last thing he needs is me saying that I’m not happy and he’s not giving me what I want, etc.

So, I was supportive, but also stated that I knew he could handle this and that everything would be better tomorrow. He will figure things out.

I on the other hand, have been open to anything and emailed with a few guys online today. Tonight at the school event, I made some eye contact… but didn’t want to look too much, mostly married. I have gotten some nice emails from the POF guy, and I’m going to call him… Wineguy for now… he owns a winery. Maybe if I meet him, I’ll switch it up. So, focus on me. My life, my happiness.

If it feels like a good time to talk about things the next time I see him, I will. Otherwise, no rush. Even me talking about it isn’t going to change anything for him.

1. He has been divorced for 1 month.
2. He’s restarting a career.
3. He’s getting back on his feet financially, but still a stress for him.
4. He’s not ready for what I want. Period. End of discussion.

So, taking my focus off the not ready guy and shifting it to myself. I hope I can work through my feelings and keep his friendship in my life. Just not daily. I need to decide on some boundaries that feel good to me, and do what it takes to stick to them.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:14pm
476: Miss Bells says:

I offer myself social adventure.
I have no problem going out alone.
Even bad neighborhoods don’t phase me. Couldn’t be too much worse than where I ran away to at 14.

Last night I had big fun at a political fund-raiser for a candidate I support. And I was surrounded by men.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 7:20pm
477: Smile says:

It’s the middle of the night.

I woke up and my mind started thinking. When im aware of it I switch my thinking to imagining my body made out of glass. Through the transparency you can see blue water swirling round my body.

Then I remembered who taught me to do this. Ex of 10 years. I wanted to text him to tell I still pretend my body is glass and my blood is like the blue ocean swirling round my body. Then I felt a sense of great longing. I feel regret and great sadness. I am crying.

I can’t remember. 3 years ago did I allow my self to feel my feelings. Hm, mostly I dealt with losing my best friend and lover since I was 14 by not thinking or feeling. Now I’m really crying.

I miss him. We knew each other through and through. Now he is going through great pain. He is with his do over so he doesn’t feel the pressure to get married and have children from her because she has already done it with someone else and is now divorced. She has just been diagnosed with cancer. She is shutting him out.

I can still remember what it was like to fall asleep together. We did so for 7 years, every night. I can remember where he liked to be stroked to fall asleep and where he soothed me. Our games we played. Now they are just memories. But they
come with feeling now. I’m crying more.

When we parted we always thought we would get back together. His mum and dad still hope for this. They bought me a diamond necklace for Xmas. Recently my best friend from university said she’s always hoping that one day we will get back together.

I only have feelings of friendship now for him. But I miss him. He was all I knew until I was 24.

I will keep riding on my horse. But sometimes it’s good to just stop riding for a min or two and chew some grass in the paddock.

I’m ready to sleep again now. Night night x

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:06pm
478: MissStix says:

(((smile)))

Sweet dreams, you are beautiful.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:21pm
479: MissStix says:

I will not use FMs on my connection. Pffft. Feeling irritated to wait for someone half an hour in my car…

Ahhh but I can use them with G when I get back and say how irked and irritated I felt to be kept waiting! :p

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:26pm
480: MissStix says:

Oi. And this is the second time now I feel like I can see and feel sound in some way…It’s making me ache again. Pound pound. Had to turn off the radio. What is this? I am feeling so physically sensitive and I don’t really “enjoy” it…It’s intense. A lot. Too much. :/

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:32pm
481: Rori Raye says:

Marian, Welcome – and the first step here is to stop trying to find fault with the situation or yourself and immerse yourself in the Tools you have in the programs you have – practice them with EVERYONE 24/7. What I hear is this: …”no matter how much I tried to connect with him…” and the word here that doesn’t work is “try” – which implies working at it, and initiating. The basic attitude to develop here is: Everyone’s okay. I’m okay, he’s okay. I’m even okay if I’m not with him. No one’s to blame for anything, because I’m responsible for the fact that I’m HERE in this relationship. From here – you go to what I call in my Love Forever program “Radical Accepting.” And you learn the tools for speaking the truth, you learn how to love yourself before you go chasing after him in anyway…Bottom line – you can’t really screw things up with the right man. Because it doesn’t matter who he is and who you are and what your individual “stuff” is – it only matters if you “mesh” in a good way for both of you. I know it’s hard to see things that way when you’re hurting – we’ve all been there – and yet, it’s the only way that works. Love, Rori

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 8:46pm
482: Smile says:

And now Im awake, I’m remembering all the stuff that left me feeling bad. And feeling My feelings around that.

Love my triggers bringing new stuff up to heal. My feelings finally want out!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:13pm
483: Smile says:

I am enough
I deserve the greatest happiness
I deserve a fulfilling relationship
Being alone doesn’t mean you have to feel lonely.
I am enough.
I am enough
I am enough

Tuesday, 9 October 2012 @ 11:15pm
484: Miccy says:

I caught myself pushing him away by “chasing” a man that I am absolutely crazy about and cannot stop thinking about. He also “gave” me alot but I always just follow it up with some more “chasing” and giving rather than just “receiving” and now I am trying to lean back, and it feels sooooo good, relaxing, just waiting to see if he is going to make a move. I have not heard from him in 3 days and I am ok with that, trying to spend my time concentrating on myself and what I want and what I think instead of caring what he thinks…just smiling to myself and loving myself… Its heaven, I feel so feminine, I feel so loved and relaxed.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:03am
485: Emerson says:

345 interesting!
I feel like beating myself up for “failing” at siren-ness in the past.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:09am
486: Emerson says:

I feel scared that I’m not going to meet any CDs. I need to get out more. I feel closed off and tired. Working alot.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:13am
487: Emerson says:

(((smile))) the sentiment you feel about your ex from 14 years old and up I can relate to. I feel that way by college ex.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:15am
488: MS says:

Rori,
I read Marian’s comments #437 and they really resonated with me as I have been in the same situation (see my earlier posts in this chain), as well as your response #482. I also read the comments by Evan Marc Katz posted by Radlove #471 about reaching out with acts of kindness, which has made me reflect. I know you stress not intiating contact but if you know someone you’ve been in a relationship with and communicated the relationship isn’t working for you is handling difficulties not associated with the relationship, should you reach out? I am not interested in chasing a relationship that is imaginary, but I still care about the person. I feel conflicted because I have already said ‘no friends’. Can you guide me?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:23am
489: Butterfly Wings says:

MS, if you don’t want to inspire romance, then by all means go ahead. But if you’re doing it while wanting more, you will only end up disappointed.

xxx

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:24am
490: Butterfly Wings says:

30 Dominique – I know that comment wasn’t meant for me, but thank you so much anyway!

I believe that I am definitely projecting a lot of my own stuff and I am almost 100% convinced he’s my mirror in so many ways.

I need to learn to sit with my feelings, and I really should spend a lot less time dwelling on them. Yes, I should feel them and experience them totally, but I’m not doing that. I just think about it all day – I don’t really “FEEL” them so I can then let them go.

I could then work out what’s going on with me if I did that, and yes, I could then work out whether it’s worth saying something about it or letting it go if it’s not a pattern of behavior.

So thinking about this, yep I still feel pretty AWFUL about not being invited on his holiday.

I feel rejected, sad, and a bit “off” about the bunch of female friends (and at least one male) he’ll be meeting up with over there – most are friends of his housemate’s gf, hence why most are female I suppose…

But the female friends bit is the worst part for me, even though I know that I am who he wants to be with right now, even if it’s not an “official” relationship. What we have doesn’t have the label, but it has almost everything else a relationship has.

I think it’s bothering me because of my ex cheating on me. I am projecting that on to TH, even though he hasn’t cheated on me. In fact, I think I’ve had a LOT more male interaction than he has female interaction.

TH is also not the type to hit on other girls. And he had a woman literally throwing herself at him last time he went away and I know for a fact (I know 100%) that he kept turning her down, time and time again.

So if he turned her down, what on earth am I worrying about??? Also, one particular friend he has been talking to almost every day knows about me, and he tells me that he often talks to her about me too – she knows he and I do almost everything together.

So my best option right now is to really spend some time in practising feeling these feelings, accept them, then let them go.

I will then focus on ME and having loads of fun over the next three weeks!

I have a CD (drinks after work) next week (he’s waiting for me to name a day), I have an outing with my eldest on Saturday night, followed by a party at a gf’s house on Sunday, then on the 20th I have a girl’s night planned.

I’m also open to other events over that time too, plus I’m trying to come up with ways to save an extra $5k between now and June for my sister’s wedding (she and her fiance are getting married in Thailand!).

Everything will be perfectly fine. Whatever life hands me, I can handle it!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:38am
491: Daria says:

I go out alone all the time too. Bad neighborhoods also don’t phase me Hugh 5!

But I have some healing to do cuz I feel shut down and numbed out doing it . I think for some of the time I look like a homeless girl or a prostitute and people are judging me. I don’t really feel open or free the whole time.

((((Daria))))

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 3:03am
492: Tam says:

((((Smile)))) aw.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 3:04am
493: Daria says:

Heyyy I don’t have dread in my tummy this morning!

Yay I was right deer sausages did have too much adrenalin for basically being sedentary . Haha! I got my fun morning energy back now ! Whew!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 3:09am
494: Belle says:

muahahaha
A guy I met pre-Rori just got back in touch with me
I only briefly spoke with him but there were so many red flags that I told him something like, “My life is going really good right now and I don’t want to screw it up by inviting someone in with so much drama going on.”

He msgd me on FB and invited me to a show and made a point of letting me know his life is going really good right now, lol
I feel giggly
I felt like I was too harsh on the guy and had been considering getting in touch
but
wa-la!

I don’t know the musician so I’ll check it out and see if I like him
but if I do, I’m not clear on if he’s asking me for a date, and if not, I don’t want to pay
How can I suss this out?
Here’s some of what he wrote:
My life is going good
and would like to see if you are free to go with me to witness a truly phonominal
musician I know you would enjoy his show,,,,,We would be going with my best
friend R, and his lovely wife L
two very dear friends of mine ,,,,,it would be way cool if you can make it ,,,,Your friend
D

I’m making a little twisty face at the “your friend” thing since that’s been coming up with men lately…
dude, I don’t know you!!!!
But whatevah

Basically I just want to know if he is paying, how do I ask in a Sireny way?

Yay!!
I feel excited!
Saying NO to the BS is working!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 3:19am
495: Belle says:

I also feel so very good and soothed this morning.
Hot shower is running, beckoning me…
Yesterday I was craving chocolate and went out to ask C for some of his stash, instead I stood outside and drank in the beauty of the day
Feeling the perfect temperature, the ground beneath my feet, feeling so good and centered
noticing the pull to the chocolate
but it didn’t feel right to ask and instead
started chatting it up with peeps I work with
C and I just naturally fell into conversation and
he really opened up to me for the first time with stories about himself and one of his fears but not in an intense, confessional omg let me share my darkest secrets with you kind of way
simply joking and laughing and teasing and lighthearted

I felt relaxed and open
and it felt SO GOOD to not be waaaannnnnting something from him
just easy
hanging out
the twist in my heart that I felt around him so often dissipated, at least for a little while

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 3:29am
496: Annie says:

489: MSN says:

“Rori,
I read Marian’s comments #437 and they really resonated with me as I have been in the same situation (see my earlier posts in this chain), as well as your response #482. I also read the comments by Evan Marc Katz posted by Radlove #471 about reaching out with acts of kindness, which has made me reflect. I know you stress not intiating contact but if you know someone you’ve been in a relationship with and communicated the relationship isn’t working for you is handling difficulties not associated with the relationship, should you reach out? I am not interested in chasing a relationship that is imaginary, but I still care about the person. I feel conflicted because I have already said ‘no friends’. Can you guide me?”

I would feel interested in some guidance re this too.
I have this inner conflict going on to.
I have walked away and they are ill.
I care that they are ill. But do not show that with my actions as I stay away putting my own needs first and caring about myself more.
OMG! I feel a bit bad, sad doing that, it is so opposite to what I always used to do. I would always put the other person in a situation like that first.
I am not their mummy though!
And I know that if I contact and go there my heart will get invested and I will end up a complete and utter mess. Sigh
Such difficult choices.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 3:29am
497: Heart says:

#482 I feel so healed by Rori’s comment.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 3:54am
498: Tam says:

I practice letting go. And concentrating on work and other ‘stuff’.
Let go, let go, let go.
Letting go anyone who does not respect my boundaries.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:02am
499: Tam says:

I know we should be all about giving people chances, also the ‘good man’ who we are not attracted to.
I feel this is wrong for me.
I give everyone a chance, but I do not want any relationship for any price.
I either want someone I am 100% attracted to, mentally and physically (doesn’t have to be super attractive, but has to have a spark in him that resonates with me) or I can quite happily stay alone.
I feel good about socialising with all kinds of men, but I don’t feel good entering into anything with a feling of ‘I am not sure’.
I did that with past boyfriend and it just hurt me in the end because I was ready to ‘drop’ him when something better came along…that is not what I want anymore. I want to be sure a man is ‘my man’ and I would never look for anybody else. And I already had that feeling twice and I know how that feels.
It does not feel like ‘ummmm not sure but maybe he will grow on me’. My best relationship did indeed grow from a friendship, but even in that friendship there was a spark right at the beginning…
If I feel blah about someone right from the start, well.
Practice yes but relationship…no.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:09am
500: ruth says:

thank you for the blog today Sirens

Its helping
xxxxxx

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:17am
501: Sirenity says:

Belle …ummm

It reads like he is inviting you . The thing is maybe not to MENTION paying at all..just
“I feel so excited being asked out to this. Thank you so much for inviting me!”

Or maybe just…

” That sounds like fun. I was wondering have you bought my ticket already? “

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:21am
502: Tam says:

I made a really stupid work mistake a couple of days ago, which lost me $400…at a time when I don’t have a regular paycheck and every penny counts for me, this is a major feeling frustration moment.
Even more reason to concentrate on my work and not spend any more time thinking about men stepping up or not.
Now I feel angry and frustrated.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:41am
503: Daria says:

Hmm the giving them a chance is so that the turn on does happen after some time, us opening our heart and feeling safe and loved still builds it. I was dreaming may be or forgot when I was opening my heart to someone – a woman – and it created friendship? Or was its dream..

It’s ok to not remember

It’s okay to have a different belief .

Im healed of fearing I will be bored and stuck w a man who I feel bored with

Which was my hugest deal and now it’s faint and reminds me of my healing

I feel soft

I felt panicked. I feel panick when I have a different belief. Hehe I remember now too it was w my brother where I had felt seen and safe lol

It’s ok to have a diff belief. I’m here w u. We’re not gona get hit beaten punished or shamed or yelled at. Pffffuuu.

It’s not gona break ‘our reality our safety pur family’

We can still have love for our parents

I’m here for you. I feel your heart scurrying. I love you, you are safe with me.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:43am
504: Tam says:

I feel so angry. I feel myself closing up….getting tense…thinking ‘nothing ever works out’.
I can shift this.
Again.
All I seem to be doing is either trying to shift sadness, or anger, and getting to a feel-good place.
I feel exhausted by money problems.
I feel exhausted by emotional instabilities.
I want to cry. I want to be happy.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:54am
505: Turquoise says:

Huuuhhhh….. I heard from a woman who lives in Florida, on OKcupid. She’s gay, my profile say straight, but she also said she’s looking for friends. Her profile is sweet, she sent a nice message. I’ve never been interested in a woman before, but I can see the appeal. When you get so burned out with men, and then there is this nice, soft person saying good things… men are so dang lucky that we gentle, beautiful creatures love and want them.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:05am
506: Tam says:

yes, Turqouise, send her my way. Perhaps I should try women next.
just kidding..ha!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:09am
507: Tam says:

I was doing so well yesterday and now feeling all negative again. Sigh.
Think of the beach, think of the beach and the balmy air.
Ok, better.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:09am
508: Tam says:

I just heard a song..
‘are you loving the pain, loving the pain?’

Hm. Pain is not love. Love is love.
Maybe I used to love the pain? Hm.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:19am
509: Turquoise says:

Tam, I actualy though of you

I know it sucks right now…. I’m a little financially stretched right now myself. I’d like to focus on creating more income and getting myself out into new situations and meeting new people. Will try for that. Less focus on one man will help tremendously~!

Enjoy the beach today, it’s freezing here!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:20am
510: Femininewoman says:

Tam wonder if it is your hormonal morning fluctuation? Have you checked on what you eat or drink at nights?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:21am
511: Turquoise says:

I emailed with her a few times, she has a daughter, seems like good friend, or at least a chat friend to share ideas with, kind of person.

She told me I’m stunning, weird thing is…. feels just as nice to hear from a woman as it does from a man. I know I’m 100% straight, just aware of the power of our words, and sharing them is a gift.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:25am
512: Tam says:

Hmmm FW, I know. Mornings are not the best.
I eat very healthily right now, lots of veggies, seafood and good proteins.
When I wake up in the morning and all is still and quiet it just hits me sometimes. I feel a little lonely.
Today I found out about a mistake I made at work which made me feel worse.
Otherwise all is well. I am in a good place and I love it here. Just a case of getting back into my own place, my comfort zone and building a life….I still feel unsure about my future here.
Hm.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:26am
513: Tam says:

Still anxious, still finding myself. I had a major crisis at the beginning of the year, and I feel depleted and weak still and realise that there is no miracle solution, but that every step has to be taken one at a time.
It’s ok. I can do it!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:29am
514: Femininewoman says:

Hi Miccy. If it were me I would see my work being here:-

“just waiting to see if he is going to make a move”

I have found that with cdating this kind of thing has diminished for me.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:31am
515: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise I would ask myself though why would I be wanting to invite this into my life and look at it in the context of how I am with my boundaries.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:33am
516: Femininewoman says:

Hi Marian. Have you tried talking to yourself and believing that you are enough. For any man.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:52am
517: Tam says:

It’s not my day. Trying to think positive thoughts.
MrNap just had a go at me, he was very upset – I stupidly left a key outside of the door, but this is a secure building, there are only residents here – still a very stupid thing to do, I know.
The reason why it happened, however,was that the door got jammed from some of his stuff slipping between a cupboard and the door as he left after me yesterday- it took me 10 minutes to get in last night, after trying to move the ‘stuckness’. I was panicking actually, hence I forgot the keys….I explained and he seemed a bit happier.
Ugh. The day will get better. I don’t like it when people have a go at me. I felt like a kid that had done something wrong. I need to heal this reverting back to child mode.
Urgh.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 6:13am
518: Femininewoman says:

Tam – feels like walking on eggshells

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 6:33am
519: Tam says:

519 FW exactly. Oh, I have been doing this all my life.
Laying low and hiding for fear of not upsetting anyone.
I am sick and tired of walking on eggshells….with my family, men and everyone – and yet this is my very own issue, I need to own it.
I need to be more authentic and speak my truth more.
I can no longer walk on eggshells, this served me in my childhood as my family dynamic was such that I had to hide and retreat. It does not serve me as an adult, people home in on it and they treat me as bad as I expect them to. Not helped by the fact that I look small and young – I inspire people to walk all over me.
And then I get anrgy.
This is not healthy and I feel happy to have recognised this.
MrP is an eggshell man also. Witnessed by the little misunderstanding due to non-communication on his part (and so far, I can’t read minds yet )…and he is disappeared off the face of the earth.
So sick with me always bringing things back to me and searching fault within myself.
It is NOT my fault when people don’t respect my boundaries.
It is NOT my fault when others don’t want to communicate
It is my mistake when I do stupid things, like the work mistake and leaving keys in doors. I can own up to it and apologise, and move on. I do NOT need to feel small and berated because I am an adult now.
That feels better.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 6:47am
520: Femininewoman says:

I send compassion to myself
I send compassion from my hands to my heart

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 7:02am
521: Starla says:

i feel all jittery
translations for famous mexican authors to read on political commercials and press conferences and rallies and my side business is ticking up too and at my dayjob everything is bussssyyyy

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 7:07am
522: Butterfly Wings says:

I waxed TH’s back tonight. I enjoyed it immensely! ***insert evil laugh here***

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 7:11am
523: Daria says:

I love my idiot self I love myself that believes untrue things I love my self that takes fears on without considering their truth I live my self that believes scare tactic beliefs I love myself that is narrow minded I live my self that feels angry I love my self that feels eye rolling I love nu self that feels rage I love myself that feels pist off I live myself that tells at myself I love my self that is stubbornly holding on to beliefs that scare me I love myself that doesn’t believe in her safety I love my fear I love my anger

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 7:16am
524: MissStix says:

Daria

I watched your video as soon as I had a minute alone and loved it. The way you move your hand is fluild, enthralling, and hypnotizing. Lovely!

The obnly thing I can say is…I was so hypnotized by watching the movement, I don’t think I would have ever thought to touch you

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 7:42am
525: Daria says:

I love my new tool of channeling anger by opening up my eyes big and round. It feels like energy comes from my first low spine thru my third tummy clutching and I’m able to breathe and it’s flashing out, not getting stuck in where I might feel sick/exhausted from it.

In fact I’m healing from a flu and I just felt very angry and I don’t feel my immune system dropping

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 7:43am
526: Daria says:

Miss Stix – hehe thanks! Mm well I usually keep doing it cuz it just feels fun! Especially if music is playing! . I don’t think abt it but they do eventually touch my hand…

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 7:47am
527: MissStix says:

I am going to practice the hand movement too!

I feel excited to have 2 new practices!

Gentle self touch and hand movements. Yay! Oh yes, and my sphere vision. I will conjure this every day as well.

I feel lovely and loved.

I feel relaxed and content.

I feel breezy and light.

I feel awed and inspired.

I love these feelings.

I feel stuffy sinus pressure.

I feel a pain at the back of my throat.

I feel aching throbs in my head and shoulders.

I feel hyper-sensitive prickly skin.

I love these feelings too. Well…I show them love. But these feelings are free to go

I dreamed of blood. Today is the day. Perhaps an opportunity to honour my cycle…I have no work. Mmm another new practice! Thank you.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:13am
528: Daria says:

I honor my blood time by putting up a symbolic picture on my goddess blog. You can see it by clicking on my name in this post.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:24am
529: Starla says:

i do think i’m going to ‘dump’ warrior

he’s gotta go from my romantic sphere. he doesn’t belong there.

but i think he is so good for me as a friend. and i for him

and i’m going to ask him if he would be interested in remaining friends. like, really friends, and not the kind you say you will be when you break up.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:27am
530: bloom-ing says:

daria, i read that sentence & my head felt like a temple full of incense….

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:30am
531: Anais says:

This post really speaks to me. I feel like I’ve learned to embrace the power of choice more this year. Saying yes to certain men and situations no to others, including saying no to one guy I thought I wanted and tried to make his way back into my life by calling me a few weeks ago. But I’ve since moved on and realized he wasn’t for me. Plus no voicemail was left although I hadn’t heard from him via phone in almost a year. It didn’t feel right and I chose to not return his call and haven’t heard from him since. I look back knowing I could have if I wanted to.

It’s also a matter of choice between following my own intuition over logical thinking, rationalizing what is “right” and what other people think. And I’m really seeing where trusting intuition and feelings leads you to better places. It’s like Rori said in one of her programs (forget which) “The power is in the choosing not the chasing”

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:32am
532: Daria says:

Wow blooming

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:38am
533: Daria says:

good for actions with men too

:: Be Self/Centered ::

If your child is whining for something you’d rather
not give, you might notice a knot in your stomach.
That means you’re NOT centered. (“Knot-centered”?:)

Anything you say or do while you’re off center is
likely to make things worse. Better to get centered
first. Take a deep breath and tell yourself…

“I will take no action until I feel centered.”

You may find that no other action is needed, because
children want centered parents more than the things
they whine for.

http://dailygroove.net/centered

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:51am
534: Annie says:

518: Tamsays:

“It’s not my day. Trying to think positive thoughts.
MrNap just had a go at me, he was very upset – I stupidly left a key outside of the door, but this is a secure building, there are only residents here – still a very stupid thing to do, I know.
The reason why it happened, however,was that the door got jammed from some of his stuff slipping between a cupboard and the door as he left after me yesterday- it took me 10 minutes to get in last night, after trying to move the ‘stuckness’. I was panicking actually, hence I forgot the keys….I explained and he seemed a bit happier.
Ugh. The day will get better. I don’t like it when people have a go at me. I felt like a kid that had done something wrong. I need to heal this reverting back to child mode.
Urgh.”

Oh Tam this so resonates with me I feel synchronized with you that I also do this sort of thing when feeling panicked/stressed. And I also do not like it when people have a go at me makes me feel like a kid.

I feel sure we just keep getting this stuff sent back to us though until we learn take 100%responsibility and shift.
Key things to me here are explaining. feeling panicked, feeling like a kid, stuckness and not like being told off.

So for me the first step is starting to become aware that I am feeling panicked/ stressed. This quite often happens to me if there is a time factor involved and I am going to be late.
I also feel triggered when told off and like a little kid, so again if I am able to become aware that it is my little girl getting triggered I then if I catch it in time am able to change my habitual reaction which is either to lash out verbally or explain. And stop this controlling action. Don’t always manage it though, feels amazing when I have and do though. And speak my truth that I feel like a child being told off and I don’t want to be told off and then walk away from whoever has told me off. And the ironic thing if I go focus on something good to make myself feel better sometimes they then come and apologize. I believe by doing this I have caused a shift got out of that stuck place and then won’t attract that so much.

It does make me feel so much calmer when I am able to do this.
Where as before I only relieved the feelings of stress a little by explaining. And no real shift occurred.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:56am
535: bloom-ing says:

i’m shaking shaking shaking shaking

there is LOVE endless i’m not joking

i just JUST JUST submitted my formal resignation. 10 minutes later received a job offer in my email inbox from someone i haven’t heard from in a while.

I CAN’T HANDLE THIS JOY SOMEONE HELP ME SHARE IT

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:59am
536: Laughing Goddess says:

Omg Blooming!!! That is amazing!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:02am
537: Laughing Goddess says:

Magic

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:03am
538: Tam says:

Hello Annie..I feel heard and understood and a nice warm feeling that I am not alone in this struggle.
I got all explainey too, but think in this instance it was warranted not to look like a total airhead…since a little bit was his fault also for causing a near ‘lock out’ as he left. Yes, I could have said it with feeling messages but I didn’t and I forgive myself, I was pushed into a corner.
Sigh.
I don’t like feeling pushed into a corner but as I get aware of it, it happens less and less.
Hm.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:03am
539: Tam says:

535 Blooming yay!! Totally cool.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:04am
540: MissStix says:

Bloooooom-ing!!!

Yay

*showers bloom-ing with glitter*

I will gladly share in your joy!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:08am
541: Annie says:

Yayyy Blooming. Feel pleased for you.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:08am
542: T-Girl says:

BW, I remember reading one of Dominiques articles that talked about choosing trust. That really helped me to realize that trust should be my default and it is actually very soothing.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:10am
543: Starla says:

holy nikes blooming

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:10am
544: T-Girl says:

Wow Blooming! Hurray!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:11am
545: Annie says:

Tam, yes feel good not to beat ourselves up.

It feels so Bizarre for me, that the person and event triggering me, if I look deeper always then remind me of one of my parents.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:12am
546: Starla says:

bloom i wish i had known sooner you were looking for another jobby, we just hired someone, you woulda been great

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:14am
547: Turquoise says:

Huh…. I don’t know FW. I don’t have any gay friends. Seems harmless, she lives so far away. I guess curious about how dating is for women with women. Not that I intend to try it… But wonder if love is this hard, or harder for everyone.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:14am
548: Tam says:

545 Annie, same for me..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:15am
549: Turquoise says:

Mr. C. Texted me good morning, which I replied hi handsome to. He said… Handsome, uh oh. You are being too sweet. I replied that my day started with hearing I was stunning so I was spreading the joy. he replied, that’s awesome! You really are quite radiant!

Wow, wish my mornings always felt this elating! I intend to change our ugly world with compliments, to everyone!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:17am
550: Femininewoman says:

Wow Starla

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:19am
551: Femininewoman says:

Way to go Turq

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:21am
552: bloom-ing says:

thanks, starla ! i wasn’t “looking” yet lol… : ) i’d feel so pleased to do any work to support you, though !

i feel so smile-y.. this job is for a personal assistant & grant writer & it’ll be working from home & free & easy… omg i feel happy happy !

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:24am
553: bloom-ing says:

aww, thanks, ladies !! yes magical hooray !! mmm yum

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:25am
554: Daria says:

Yay Blooming!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:25am
555: Starla says:

blooming that is so awesome

and YES i will actually keep you in mind when we need random support here and there.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:44am
556: Goddess Lily says:

WOOOOO! BLOOMING!!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:46am
557: Femininewoman says:

Yayyy bloom-ing
congrats – you made space for the Universe

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:49am
558: Starla says:

i feel weird about this idea that you have to make space for things. it feels limiting and finite and, whew…

but it also is a good way to attract what you want, instead of getting bogged down energetically in all that you don’t want that you currently have

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:54am
559: Daria says:

this whole article is dope,

http://www.scottnoelle.com/parenting/child-centered.htm

but this part about “liminal consciousness” is where i think picking up on energy happens between men and women (and people in general)

“Two Kinds of Attention
When we give the kind of attention in which we are constantly asking our children what they want or need — when they sense our feelings of uncertainty or fear of failing to meet their needs (and our own projected needs) — then naturally they will feel unsettled if not completely freaked out!

This is no different for adults. Think how you’d feel if you needed brain surgery and the surgeon seemed to lack confidence in his or her ability. Of course, you’d seek another surgeon with whom you felt secure, but self-confidence alone would not be adequate. You’d want someone who would also pay close attention to your needs throughout the process.

But why, then, does it appear to us that mothers in “continuum cultures” rarely pay attention to their children? Why do they seem to be attending only to their adult-centered activities? Well, just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Anthropologist Richard Sorenson pioneered the field of visual anthropology, using film and video to document behavior and conditions in other cultures. Through frame-by-frame analysis, Sorenson has shown that there are many subtle cues exchanged by these mothers and their children — cues which are invisible to Western eyes. The ability to read these and other subtle cues (including “extra-sensory” cues that even a camera would miss) is taken for granted by hunter-gatherers. They rely on it for their survival in addition to their sense of well-being. Sorenson (1996) calls it liminal consciousness, an awareness which is “betwixt and between” the unconscious (subliminal) and our familiar, Western/Cartesian, rational worldview (supraliminal).”

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:57am
560: Stargirl says:

495: Belle You are so awesome!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:59am
561: LiliBee says:

I felt warm, open and inviting.
I received attention and compliments wholeheartedly with ‘connected’ feeling eyecontact, a warm smile and a Thank You.
This from an acquaintance who happens to be a man I look up to.

I am getting more and more comfortable receiving from men.
I can really do this.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:02am
562: LiliBee says:

Sank into my feelings, did some tapping for personal power last night.
I’m seeing and feelings things more clearly this morning.
I feel more grounded.
Was feeling vulnerable after being open and authentic to D.
I feel such resistence after being open.
That resistence is full of fear and anxiety.

My little girl wants to curl up in a ball and cry alone in her corner.

I instead took her by the hand and took her to the meetup group website to see that there were a whole world of friends waiting for her to join them to have fun.

I am a great mom, eventhough I have no kids.
I am available to take care of my own inner little girl.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:08am
563: Starla says:

in less than 20 minutes i’ll be pinning my hair in place and heading to the capitol building ooh la la i feel fancy. it has been at least a year since i’ve done this.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:09am
564: Silver Moonbeam says:

Evening all from the UK.

I don’t have much time these days to keep up with the blog but it’s nice to stay in touch. Hope you are all doing your Sireny thang.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:14am
565: bloom-ing says:

ok ok i just double checked my email logs. i exaggerated. it wasn’t 10 minutes after. it was 5 minutes

feels so good to tell my parents both pieces of news together…. feels easy & reassuring…

got a bit of “fear” that “for whatever reason” it won’t work out…………… hmmmmmmmm that’s ok ! why are you scared to lose something you don’t have & never asked for lol…. ? mmmmmm yummy it’s ok it’s ok pat on the back yeah cry it out

last night driving heard a sad story on the radio & felt too drummed up to actually cry so i just shrieked rhythmically like sobbing & exaggerated the force in my tum tum to make ripping loud sounds & felt wayyyyyy better & no wet cheeks ! lol….. heehee

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:14am
566: Silver Moonbeam says:

Be good to see you on Facebook again Turquoise!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:14am
567: bloom-ing says:

((((smb)))) felt fun to read about your dates : )

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:16am
568: MissStix says:

Today I am taking care of my sick little girl. (((ministix)))

I am feeding her lots of piping hot herbal tea. Then I am going to read to her. She loves fantasy and has wanted to re-read the game of thrones series for a while now. We will open the first book as soon as I post this. It feels comforting to care for me and her in this way.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:24am
569: Tam says:

Hugs to everyone, love you all Ladies, I want to spread the love. If there is no man I can spread it on (ha!!), I have decided to spread it on you all, and of course my little self also.
Muah!!
xx

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:45am
570: Femininewoman says:

Dominique I enjoyed the video about the gremlin voices

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:50am
571: Tam says:

Would it be considered childish to block MrP from my fb?
I get tempted to check common friend’s pages and I just saw him all over this woman’s fb page and it’s annoying me.
I don’t seem to have the willpower not to check occasionally.
Thing is he will notice as he spies on me. I do not want him to know that I blocked him as that is drawing attention in the wrong place.
Hrmpf.
Maybe I will just have to have more willpower.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 10:55am
572: Tam says:

Actually, whatever. Whatever, whatever.
I get nice triggers like this, and they make me want to move on even more. I should check all the time in fact. The more I see, the more I feel turned off.
I have been thousands of miles away and he was bugging me when I am back here, now it’s been two weeks, I am 35 miles away and he’s mancaving.
Whatever.
I have another date for tomorrow. I decided that CDing myself is nice and CDing men is also nice.
Not in front of me, does not exist.
Does not exist.
Snatched me from my previous relationship and then ran.
Does not exist.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:02am
573: Tam says:

Thank you triggers, thanks a million. You make everything very clear. I feel strong.
I have boundaries.
I honour myself.
I am slathering on the love!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:04am
574: Heart says:

Tam – just feel the anger and jealous and whatever comes up and practice loving yourself…

I have temptations to unfriend ppl too – it’s usually cuz I’m angry and want to punish the person.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:11am
575: Heart says:

just read #573

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:14am
576: Tam says:

plus..haha..the woman in question looks like a man, poses like a man doing ‘manly’ activities, writes like a man (says ‘Dude’ a lot), is about 20 years older than me and loves to post pictures of herself in bikinis to show off her nicely toned body…albeit just getting a little wrinkly here and there…ho ho ho….
Sorry but now I feel bitchy. Because I can!!
If I wanted to, I could outgirl her any day….any minute. But I choose not to even bother. There is no competition.
She is a friend zone woman and I am not, hence I am not available, not chasing and that is the last I write on it!!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:16am
577: Tam says:

I feel naughty…

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:17am
578: Tam says:

…my last comment is in moderation….perhaps I was overdoing it…hehe.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:17am
579: Tam says:

Heart, he is already not a friend on fb…I don’t want to punish him, I just want to make his posts invisible.
However…it worked as a nice trigger.
All good….the woman in question is a man woman anyway and I was heading that way but now I am a Siren. I could outgirl her man-speech and bikini posting/posing pictures holding fish any day. Especially as she is 20 years older.
I so hope she is not on this blog..HA!!!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:19am
580: Dominique says:

Thank you Femininewoman. <3

xxoo

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:21am
581: Tam says:

I feel giggly and naugthy for having comments moderated..hehe

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:28am
582: Simply Goddess says:

Hi Sirens xx

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:29am
583: Simply Goddess says:

It doesn’t feel good admitting this. I feel like I could be judged. But I read my boyfriends comments sometimes, on twitter/facebook etc. If he says he’s been the gym, dentist, he’s arranging things with friends. Even today he’s had his car fixed etc. I feel a tinge of I dont know.. Jealousy maybe? Why? Why do I suddenly have this feeling? How can it bother me when my boyfriend is doing things? It never used to?
Is it my own insecurity.
I have a good job, I could do these things myself, I’m good looking etc.
So, why do I suddenly feel as though I don’t like it when he’s ‘bettering himself?’
Strange.. Anyone?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:39am
584: Simply Goddess says:

Maybe ddep down I’m scared of him bettering himself and being really happy when I am not. Maybe I feel fear that he’ll better himself and get with someone else? I don’t know what it is. I feel this way sometimes when he buys buys buys his daughter too. I put that down to him using my money and us not being able to buy food, clothes etc and her being able to have expensive hobbies we couldnt even afford.. I don’t know. I’m feeling reflective..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:41am
585: Femininewoman says:

Simply Goddess I can’t help but wonder sometimes why such a beautiful girl is doing this to herself. So what if he gets someone else? Do you want drugs and disrespect in your life?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:46am
586: Femininewoman says:

Rori Raye says:

Tasha, and all – the only problem we have with a man, and when we need to actually DATE other men – if if the man isn’t doing his job. If he isn’t moving things forward, proving to you what a stellar, loving guy he is. Regardless of whatever you think about his other qualities – what you want is Tom Cruise jumping on a couch over you. Love, Rori

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:48am
587: Dominique says:

Simply Goddess – ditto Femininewoman, and why are you still being all up in his business? Let this go. What he does or doesn’t do for himself and others is NOT a reflection you. Please get your mind out of his and out that focus firmly back on you. How doing something that makes you feel as though you are “bettering” yourself.

xxoo

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:51am
588: Simply Goddess says:

I know FW.. I know it myself.. My parents, friends cant understand it.. Tell me how I can have anyone I want.. I’m attractive, successful career, well liked etc.. My self esteem is low unfortunately regardless.. I find it hard to let go if him and put up with it all.. I am too nice, too loving.. too hopeful?
I’m just so fussy. I fear never finding that spark with anyone else.. When I think of the good times he made me feel like I was the only girl in the world.. It feel the tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat as I write it.. I just want to be happy.. That’s all..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:52am
589: Tam says:

Oh such excellent advice…la la la…
I feel like singing it from the roofs of the high rises…love yourselves ladies…yeehaw!!
No more codependency, no more overfunctioning, no more rowing the boat.
They who can’t do the dance – let them stew.
I feel like skipping along the beach boulevard this afternoon…

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:53am
590: Miss Bells says:

My rule for today–”if a man is not in front of me he doesn’t exist!”

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:54am
591: Tam says:

Simply..ask yourself and answer honestly:
does this man make you happy?
or are you caught up in the drama and mistake pain for love?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:55am
592: Simply Goddess says:

Honestly.. I think the latter. My problem is that he used to make me really happy and at times still does. True Cancer woman.. I’m a sensitive, loving soul and find it hard to let go..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:57am
593: Femininewoman says:

“find it hard to let go..”

Well how is holding on working for you?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:00pm
594: Iamabutterfly says:

This article felt really comforting and enlightening. Enjoy.

http://www.squidoo.com/startinganewrelationship

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:03pm
595: Simply Goddess says:

I know.. I imagined my future with him though..
I miss him, or at keast how we used to be..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:04pm
596: Iamabutterfly says:

hmm, I’m trying to post a link on here that felt really interesting and refreshing to read and I can’t seem to be able to do it! Hmph.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:05pm
597: bloom-ing says:

simply goddess……… hugs. i’m just feeling overwhelmed actually imagining how different it would feel for you to turn around all the energy you’ve been sending his way…. love, acceptance, patience, generosity, compassion, even cash-money ! …….. & just turned it right back on you…….. what would YOU do with the “horse-back-riding-lessons” ear-marked cash ? what would make YOU feel amazing, peaceful, fulfilled, beautiful, energetic ?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:05pm
598: Heart says:

#578 – Tam – I’m tired of being triggered by Facebook. lol.
Will keep Facebook out of my dating future….hopefully.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:06pm
599: Iamabutterfly says:

testing…

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:06pm
600: Tam says:

Simply…work the tools, get out there, meet other men….the longer you hang on the more you will come to regret it. And in any case, he might change once you have changed, but don’t hope for it.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:07pm
601: bloom-ing says:

sometimes i do this exercise if i’m sending out all my energy to someone/something & feeling diminished myself

i inhale the love like a vacuum so it’s all “mine” again & inhale it like it’s delicious, because it’s amazing passionate feelings….

& then i exhale it all through my body & tell myself, “that love is for ME” because it is “mine” even if i’ve told it to go do something else lol : )

i notice doing this it can actually feel difficult to breathe at times. i feel a bit “resistant” i notice to claim all that juicy love for myself lol : )))

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:08pm
602: Simply Goddess says:

Well I am thinking of a little white Mini Cooper.. ha..

In fact I put it as my status last night and it’s the first time hes commented in months.. Telling me to ‘get one then, you’re working aren’t you’

Maybe I should..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:09pm
603: MissStix says:

It’s not about a man making you happy.

It is about you making you happy. And by happy I don’t mean grinning and always smiling and lalala i’m always up-beat and happy…No. It’s about loving you. Loving every aspect of who you are, who you have been. The mistakes you have made. How you feel. ALL of it!!! Because the magic is in the love for you! Something happens when you love you unconditionally…Suddenly, you can see what is bad for you. Like a warm loving mother. You can see it from the perspective of someone who loves you and who is looking in on you and looking out for you. Only it’s not your mother, or friend or anyone you may be inclined to put up walls of defense against, or argue with…It is just you, loving you, making yourself happy and THEN the rest starts to fall into place.

Whewf.

I typed that very furiously. Feeling urgent

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:10pm
604: Simply Goddess says:

I remember I lost feelings for my ex.. I didn’t want to be with him. I didn’t feel the love anymore. Rather than just leave him I remember at times I would cry. He was the perfect boy, worshipped me, why oh why did I not love him anymore? I even as much as suggested he cheat on me at one point to try get me interested as daft as it seems now. I guess I look to the future and get scared.
In the end I ended it. It took a while.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:12pm
605: Tam says:

Miss Stix, very lovely and sooooo true.
I am feeling very protective over my little heart nowadays…being protective yet remaining open is a fine balance

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:12pm
606: Femininewoman says:

Thank you for typing MissStix
Thank you for typing bloom-ing
I am imaginging and seeing myself in both of those visions.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:14pm
607: Smile says:

Tam, 588, your sounding great! Your posts feel full of energy!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:16pm
608: Simply Goddess says:

I feel I’ve completely ignored him all week. I feel a bit bad to be honest.
I feel like reaching out in some way. I feel bad not speaking to him. I feel bad reaching out. I just feel confused. If I did reach out what would I say? I feel its not because I want anything other that to not look like an ignorant bitch.. Just to kind of say ‘I’m still here’ in some way.. I don’t know..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:17pm
609: Smile says:

Blooming, yey for the job!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:17pm
610: Simply Goddess says:

I feel I’ve completely ignored him all week. I feel a bit bad to be honest.
I feel like reaching out in some way. I feel bad not speaking to him. I feel bad reaching out. I just feel confused. If I did reach out what would I say? I feel its not because I want anything other that to not look like an ignorant bi tch.. Just to kind of say ‘I’m still here’ in some way.. I don’t know..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:18pm
611: Smile says:

Miss stix, thank you for the hug last night!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:18pm
612: Femininewoman says:

He will take up to 8 weeks to get to this place that you are in, in just 1 week.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:19pm
613: Smile says:

Daria, loved your video. He he I was like aw that’s Daria, THE Daria. So soft and feminine.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:19pm
614: MissStix says:

I watched some rori clips recently and she’s all up in my vision with her warm bubbly cute blonde curly soothing self

<3

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:21pm
615: Smile says:

Finally I have a move date!!! Yey!!!
Feeling over the moon, jump for joy excited!!!

I want to tell strummingman. Or should I wait till he comes round Friday… Heard from him all over the weekend but not since.

This isn’t leaning forward right… It’s not about the relationship, there is no outcome attached, It would simply feel good to share 

What do you think?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:22pm
616: Tam says:

Hey Smile!!
Yep, I pulled myself out of it..it’s a bit of effort..but sooo worth it. Phew.
I have no intention on compromising my happiness, I have no intention on leaning forward and I have absolutely no intention to accept crumbs anymore.
So there!!
Feeling a little aggressive writing that. Uh oh!!
Roarrrr!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:24pm
617: Dominique says:

Simply Goddess – These may help. Not all are totally relevant, but you may find something which resonates.

sexandheart.com/letting-go

sexandheart.com/does-time-heal

sexandheart.com/the-pain-of-a-breakup

sexandheart.com/when-it-all-feels-so-hard

xxoo

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:24pm
618: Tam says:

Oh move date – so so happy for you!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:24pm
619: Simply Goddess says:

610: Femininewoman says:

He will take up to 8 weeks to get to this place that you are in, in just 1 week

Is that for me? Can you explain further? xx

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:25pm
620: Tam says:

613..Smile, if you just want to share, and feel like sharing without an expectation of ‘hearing back’ then absolutely, why not?
I so would!!
Happy news!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:26pm
621: MissStix says:

Simply goddess

Embrace that ignorant b!tch!

Kidding! Well, only half kidding…

Have you sunk into why you are afraid to “look like” a b!tch?

I used to feel the same way and found I was afraid because inside I believed I was not “good enough” to be a b!tch. That somehow, I had to be kinder and sweeter and more generous because I was “less than” in every other way. Which was so NOT TRUE.

I feel curious what this looks like for you. Where is this fear coming from?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:26pm
622: bloom-ing says:

simply goddess,

” ‘I’m still here’ ” why are you there? for me, when i read that, i’m imagining you waiting for him in his room while he’s out living his life. it feels so odd…. like, well if you’re in his room, who is in your room ? lol…. sorry…. i don’t feel very confident in the way i’m expressing myself right now….. i’m just thinking, i know you asked earlier about how to beak the cycle, & “staying where you are” (i know, i know, classic “advice” for when you feel lost) sounds like the “opposite” of that in some ways to me. what do you think?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:27pm
623: Iamabutterfly says:

@582 Simply Goddess – It sounds like you are jealous of the full life he is living. Why not create a full, beautiful, busy life for yourself? I can feel laser-like focus on your boyfriend. My suggestion would be to take that focus OFF of HIM and put it ON YOURSELF.

What would make YOU feel good that doesn’t involve him? What are you interested in? Do you like the outdoors, writing, painting, poetry, book clubs, coffee, theology, crafts, watching sports, playing sports, dance, music, acting, walking, running, movies, shopping, creating?

Focus on something you love to do, and do it!
Or find something NEW to try and do it!
You’ll feel refreshed, vitalized, and less needy.

Guess who will be giving you more attention all of the sudden?

It sounds like you feel majorly afraid of losing him. You may be losing yourself a little too. Find YOU first. Once you have YOU, you have everything you could ever want or need. xoxo

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:32pm
624: MissStix says:

Bloom-ing 619

I read you and feel you! Makes total sense to me…Because I heard from the mouth of my ex-husband “Why do you still want me anyway?”. Coming direct from the mouth of the lion it was like a newsflash slap in the face! He wasn’t even sure why I wanted him…And those words were the fuel for my courage to walk away.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:34pm
625: Smile says:

Tam, Your happy vibe is so shining through! Roarrrrr!

Date tonight???

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:45pm
626: April Rose says:

bloom-ing 599

I love what you wrote, and I have copied it into my file.

I love it. I intend to bring my love back to me when I spill it out over someone else!

I can think inwardly “I love you from this great love that surrounds my centre” without diluting that very love.

mmmm. this feels hugely calming and powerful

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:46pm
627: Smile says:

I’m going to text because I want to. My vibe is good. I love my vibe. My confidence is strong. I’m riding full pelt on my horse!
Love it love it love it!
Yee ha!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:49pm
628: Smile says:

I went late night shopping tonight after work. Got myself 2 new jumpers for autumn, And some hair dye!! feels nice to treat myself. It’s been toooo long! I only did it because I now havd no rent to pay next month. Yey moving has lifted my financial worries

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:54pm
629: Simply Goddess says:

Thank you, your replied make so much sense and are so soothing..
I guess maybe the fear of ignoring him might be the fear of him getting bored and moving on. I don’t know. Maybe something else. I don’t know. Not s much ‘I’m still here!’ but maybe I’m not ignoring you.. even though I am.. haha and I’m busy with work. It’s going great and I am not really missing him as much as I usually do. I feel bad about that maybe? I don’t know. I think maybe it’s just I feel in control right now and there is fear there if he suddenly decides ‘enough not speaking, I’m off!
I don’t know.. Trying to understand myself.

You’re words are so great though. I am doing things for myself. Alot of work. I should do more socially. Although I have been out the past few weekends.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:54pm
630: Starla says:

i feel fabulous and big:)

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:54pm
631: Tam says:

Smile I love your vibe right now too….I am not quite there but on my way.
No date tonight but tomorrow..I am taking myself to the beach, a bit cloudy but who cares? It’s warm. I need to be outside..
xx

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:56pm
632: Daria says:

Smile – i think reaching out to share good news IS leaning forward

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:57pm
633: Starla says:

i am seriously one of those big deal people who does big deal things… i don’t even seek them out, i just get invited/requested to do them, and i am so blessed.

my life is so incredible

and a ‘big deal’ man is coming for me. he will at least be a big deal in his own way.

no settling

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:58pm
634: Daria says:

oh wow Smile thank you! I feel so important and cool and cute ! yay

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 12:58pm
635: Starla says:

i realize that sounds really conceited lol sorry ladies

this is my one safe place to be conceited

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:00pm
636: Smile says:

Ha, that was a quick response from him! I was about to put my phone down and take a shower, try my new clothes on! Oo I still will 

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:02pm
637: Daria says:

to me texting a man something might as well translate “thinking of you!” as thats what it is

oh it sounds sweet still! ohhh but its not grrrr… Thinking of Me Thinking of ME

(((Daria)))

He’s thinking of me !

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:02pm
638: Smile says:

Doh Daria, too late! Never mind. Slather on the love! First time leaning forward in months and months.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:03pm
639: Femininewoman says:

Smile think of it as an experiment. He has given a lot recently and you have thrown him a morsel.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:06pm
640: Femininewoman says:

Do these 5 things when you find yourself in this same situation:

Catch yourself wherever you are, whatever you’re thinking or feeling that’s a reaction to what your man is doing – for example: either feeling angry, defensive, frightened that he’s losing interest, or starting to “Overfunction” (offering him something like food, or a massage, or asking him how he’s feeling, or picking up after him…)

Stop. Just absolutely STOP.
Breathe
Stand totally still and Find Your Feelings – for now just see if you can find a feeling or a sensation in your body. It will help you feel more grounded, and stop you from following your normal pattern of reacting to him in ways that don’t work.
Turn around. Find something to do for YOU.

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/overfunctioning/page/2/

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:10pm
641: Starla says:

soooo i decided, since my personal trainer QUIT (sad=/) that I am turning my dining room into a dance studio, and just gonna focus on belly dancing 5 mornings a week

out with the table and chairs, in with the mirrors on the walls

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:10pm
642: Smile says:

FW, this is true thankyou. 

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:11pm
643: Smile says:

Im feeling smily, still feeling good, like my vibe can’t be broken!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:13pm
644: Femininewoman says:

And this is the key to being a goddess, being a Siren, being a Diva – your ability to embrace your masculine core of strength along with your feminine core of strength. To embrace a masculine, action oriented you in the world, and a feminine, totally feeling you on the outside.

Bella struggles through the whole book to basically “define” what it is to be a girl, in an over-the-top situation.

It’s my opinion that every moment, for each of us, is a balancing act on a high wire. We are constantly afraid of falling off. We are constantly looking for someone else to save us.

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/masculine-energy/

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:14pm
645: Smile says:

Tam 628, breath in the fresh sea air! Yum! What a place to be! I love feeling the sand under my feet.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:15pm
646: Smile says:

I don’t have a beach but when I move I will walk along the riverside!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:17pm
647: Femininewoman says:

Open your mouth and say – “Oh, I feel…” and put something in the blank.

Even if it’s a stammer. Even if you go “I feel…..ohhh… ahhh…ick…yick…”

And for this moment, it could be…”Oh…I feel….ick…wow…I feel messed up…I feel embarrassed, and… It feels good to stick to plans…and it doesn’t feel good to not stick to plans…I know in my head that this is no big deal…it would feel good to eat when I’m hungry, too, and I get it…and it doesn’t feel good to want to control you…and…okay…so I feel hungry and I’ll go order something right now.”

At least you get it out, and instead of stewing and feeling hurt and trying to get around your need to control the situation – you just own it. And at the same time, work not to judge him. This is a date. You may not want to marry someone who changes plans on you – if it’s not part of your nature to roll with that kind of thing.

And still – I’d like to encourage you to to work with the last part of the Rori Raye Mantra: Be Surprised…it will help keep you from feeling disappointed by a man, and instead let you find the lesson, the message, and move forward more spontaneously.

Freezing is always about fear and trauma. Take baby steps, expect to be triggered, and just open your mouth and go “Ahhhhhhh…..Ewwwwwww……”

Love, Rori

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:19pm
648: Smile says:

Aw, I hadn’t texed back straight away. Just went to then and he had texed again. All eager and excited!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:22pm
649: Starla says:

I’m going to hang silks from the ceiling in blue and purple and it’s going to be a gorgeous dance studio eeeeeeeee i feel SO excited and inspired.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:26pm
650: Starla says:

and i can line the white brick wall with cushions and put a little altar against it and let it be a place to do yoga and meditate and invite people over to do it with me and omgoodness my life rocks

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:28pm
651: Daria says:

Yay Smile

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:32pm
652: MissStix says:

I feel curious…

If it is part of my nature to “roll with it”, do I really have to erect boundaries around this?

No…No of course not ((((me)))) You know yourself well enough now to know when you are genuinely rolling with it as opposed to going against your authentic boundaries to “make” things smooth.

Mmm thank you (((me)))

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:34pm
653: Daria says:

Like!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:35pm
654: MissStix says:

Simply goddess…

Someone must first be making a clear and honest attempt to get our attention before we can ignore them.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:39pm
655: Daria says:

1074: Laurie says:

Hi. Looking for some advice/guidance. My husband has decided “he’s had enough” of our disfunctional marriage. He doesn’t know if he wants to stay together. Mind you, we’ve been together 15 years. I have been abused both pysically and mentally. I have lived his life nearly the whole time. He’s a liar, he’s cheated; he’s a thief, he’s immature, rude, demanding and controlling. SO, while I can look at that and go WTF?, I am still in love with him. I hate myself for it. I guess I have those feelings because I have seen the man “underneath”, the diamond in the rough so to speak. I just want to know how to let go. Why am I commited to such sorrow?

Why can I not just look at the situation and let go? I am really really sad and lonely. I’m doing stuff “out in the world” but I dwell on the good times we have had.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:13am

1075: Rori Raye says:

Laurie – you are the classic woman in this situation. You cannot possibly love him, though I know you think you do. Please, please get professional help. Go to CODA. Go to a battered women’s support group. Try Kathryn Tull at http://www.thenextboldstep.com – this is her specialty, and she has the same personal story. You deserve better than this. You have feelings that come from your subconscious that say pain=love. And that’s not true. Love, Rori

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:37pm

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:47pm
656: MissStix says:

This is bringing it back to you. The alternate reality we sometimes create stemming from our own feelings that have nothing, whatsoever, to do with the other person…We “feel like” we are doing something, or something is happening, therefore it must be real. But it’s not always so.

SG- You perceive you behaviour as “ignoring” because you are making conscious efforts to “block him out” right now but this is not “reality” because this is not the way he’s going to perceive it. Men are deliciously simple in this way (most, anyway). You asked for time. He is giving you time. This, is exactly how he most likely sees it. Totally cut and dry.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:48pm
657: turquoise says:

Starla, that sounds awesome! Way to go! I want to make a bunch of changes in my home…. ready for some inspiration to do that. Feeling excited!

Blooming, congratulations! That is awazing. Wow, so happy for you!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:55pm
658: Daria says:

3190: Rori Raye says:

Yan, you’re in a complex situation, with, I’m guessing, some cultural traditions that are causing even more stress. In my book, it’s okay to date a man who has a girlfriend, only you must also date other men until he makes a choice. If this is too harsh and difficult for you – then you have no choice but to end it and keep the relationship purely friendship and business. Love, Rori

Wednesday, 3 October 2012 @ 9:15pm

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:55pm
659: turquoise says:

Thank you FW. I feel good about sharing my positive energy and compliments. Let go of the negative stuff and share the goodness. You never know what an impact a positive word can have for someone. Could make their day, their week…. help them through something you don’t know about. I’m stopping at the store on the way home, hope I can compliment a stranger!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:57pm
660: MissStix says:

Daria 655

Thank you for sharing that!!!

And there is no such thing as “the man underneath”. A man is exactly who he is. How he behaves. How he treats us. The man underneath all that ugly junk is just a figmant of our imagination. A creation to console ourselves over the fact that we chose to be with this person who hits us, or cheats on us, or lies to us, or calls us names, or witholds affection from us, or uses us for money, or flirts shamelessly, and embarrassingly in public with you right by his side. (ahem emk ahem). There is no man underneath. There is just the man, as he is, and it’s our choice to settle for abuse or mistreatment. I have infinite compassion for abused women…But no belief in this imaginary creation.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 1:58pm
661: Simply Goddess says:

What ca I say to text him without ‘reaching out’ as such.
I told him I wanted to think. He’s let me think. I feel it’s me who needs to break the ice.
I’m confused. What could I say?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:00pm
662: Daria says:

Simply Goddess – “I feel… ” (it’s me who needs to break the ice is a thought, not a feeling

maybe “i feel anxious” “i feel restless” “i feel obsessive” “i feel awful”

but no, it’s up to him to break the ice, always, for the woman to be in feminine energy.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:03pm
663: MissStix says:

Simply goddess

I feel resistant to offering advice of what to say…

What is your real reason for reaching out? Breaking the ice…Doesn’t matter how you put it. It is reaching out. What is the real, honest to g0d, no bullsh!t reason?

There is no shame here…No excuses. No explaining. Just truth. And I sense “false reasoning”.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:06pm
664: Smile says:

I’m crying such happy tears. I have never heard a man speak in this way. So in touch with his feelings. I want to share with you all but this feels so private.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:09pm
665: Simply Goddess says:

Exactly. “I feel anxious” “i feel restless” “i feel obsessive” “i feel awful”

You’re so in touch with your feelings Daria, it’s inspiring.

So, even if I asked for time to think. He’s giving me the time and not getting in touch. I just have to wait for him to get in touch? What if you both go on expecting the other to get in touch haha..

He did comment my status about getting a car and leave kisses.. He never comments.. Was that his attempt, or not clear enough? Should I reply to that maybe? When ready..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:09pm
666: MissStix says:

Tell us how you really feel no matter how shameful, desperate, or pitiful it might look to you. Feelings are never shameful. We have all been there.

Maybe you feel longing for validation. Maybe you feel sad, heartsick, or scared. Maybe you feel anxious. Maybe you think you will lose him and you feel your heart cracking and breaking and your soul is pouring out onto the floor. Whatever it is…It will be received by the ladies here with open arms and compassion.

But I guarantee “I (think) I need to be the one to break the ice…” is only going to get you resistance and tough love.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:11pm
667: Simply Goddess says:

Maybe I’ve found it so easy not to speak and to ask for time because we wouldnt be able to see each other this week anyway.. Alternate shifts.. I feel in control being the one asking for time..
It’s nearing the weekend now.. A time we usually spend together.. Friday I expect him to come down..
That’s probably the reason I’m starting to feel anxious.. I expect him to step up before weekend..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:12pm
668: Smile says:

Dominique,

I want to thank you for writing about healing a mans heart through yours. I feel a little overwhelmed with what strummingman wrote to me.

The bit that stood out was about how other people can help get you to where you want to be.

Xxx

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:14pm
669: Simply Goddess says:

Maybe you feel longing for validation. Maybe you feel sad, heartsick, or scared. Maybe you feel anxious. Maybe you think you will lose him and you feel your heart cracking and breaking and your soul is pouring out onto the floor. Whatever it is…It will be received by the ladies here with open arms and compassion.

All that.. I just can’t seem to find the words.. Tears..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:14pm
670: MissStix says:

His comment is exactly what it looks like. He’s showing support for you doing something to make yourself happy. Try your best not to read into these things. Take them at face value and respond accordingly.

Sure, reply! But reply on fb, directly to the comment itself and say “Thanks! I just might do it.” or whatever. In your own words. But refrain from thinking or saying or making it more than it actually is.

<3

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:16pm
671: MissStix says:

((((Simply goddess))))

This blog is here for you. Practice your feeling words and more and more will come and it will feel easier and easier.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:17pm
672: Smile says:

((simply goddess))

Rori says even thinking about him is chasing him and to lean back in your thoughts too.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:18pm
673: MissStix says:

SG

“Thanks! I feel really excited thinking about this car.”

Would be a great FM to respond with!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:19pm
674: Starla says:

Simply Goddess I am seeing so much of my own self and thought processes when i’m really hooked on a man in you. I just want to take you out to do fun things and give you hugs and yummy snacks.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:20pm
675: Daria says:

“What if you both go on expecting the other to get in touch haha..”

then the man gets to man up and be the one to step up

the woman ‘goes first’ by opening her heart and being with her feelings… i do believe we have the more challenging job sometimes…

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:20pm
676: Daria says:

though i wouldn’t want to have to deal with ‘approach anxiety’ on hot women… mffff

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:21pm
677: Daria says:

i feel bad for my dad

he is heartbroken that im not fulfilling his dreams

‘i want to make him happy’

i want my mom to BE happy

ufff

i feel sad… powerless

these are old scripts

i want to heal this

what does my Inner Father say?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:22pm
678: MissStix says:

Starla & Goddess

I see myself too.

I wish we could all go out! The net just feels like reaching and reaching and it’s so hard to get our emotions and compassion across. If we could go out for a girls night and be “in action” in person we could uplift each other so much more freely and easily!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:24pm
679: Daria says:

i feel sad thinking about them

i feel hopeless

and helpless

Flexible!

ok that means this is healing!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:24pm
680: Simply Goddess says:

“I might do, It’d feel good to be mobile again..”

Or would that seem like a dig at him as I usually drive his car and hes taken it back and I’m having to get taxis to work..

or “I may treat myself”

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:26pm
681: Mel says:

Feeling really happy.

Divorce = final. I feel free and light.

Something interesting happened last night… I decided I felt like cooking something since I got home early from work. It tasted super fab. Mr A was impressed and starved. And he lit some candles and poured me some wine.

And he was just all pink and beaming so much love at me. And took my hands and told me how beautiful I was… And I felt soooooo bashful. I could just feel this enormous outpouring of love and it felt overwhelming. I had to look away.

It felt good, great in fact, but overwhelming. I looked away shyly. And when I looked up again, he was still smiling at me with his sparkly green happy eyes. All I could manage to say was “I feel loved.”

Oh my gosh, I haven’t felt that much love directed at me all at once. I didn’t know what to do with myself.

Is this some sort of fear or self-esteem thing? It felt good… just so BIG.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:27pm
682: Simply Goddess says:

Thanks for your words..

Yeh, Rori girls night out would be ace haha

I’m surprising myself..
In the day, at work and mega busy I barely think about things.. It’s when I come home at night (I’m in the UK) and I’m lay here watching tv.. That’s when I’m feeling it..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:29pm
683: MissStix says:

SG

It would feel really good to treat myself.

Maybe?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:30pm
684: Starla says:

680 SGoddess
you thinkin too much, dear <3 and it's gonna eff up your vibe

just say whatever comes to mind. this is you. beautiful, glorious you.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:30pm
685: MissStix says:

(((mel)))

Oh, yeah! I know exactly how BIG it feels Like woah! And what the he11 do I do with myself now?!? I feel resistant to sinking into those feelings because I want them to always be that big!! I never want them to feel small or easy.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:33pm
686: Simply Goddess says:

Haha I thought that as I was typing..

Thinking far too much into it.. Overfunctioning?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:34pm
687: Starla says:

yeah SG you’re just forgettin that you are the prize hehe

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:36pm
688: Simply Goddess says:

What I am noticing is sometimes adding I feel seems unnattural to me..

Eg, I’m quite comfortable saying ‘I may just do!’ or ‘I might treat myself’ Etc..
But considering saying ‘It would feel good to treat myself..’ or ‘It feels exciting to think about it’ Etc.. Doesn’t feel right.. Especially on my faceook.. I feel a bit.. silly? Does this make sense at all.. I wonder why..

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:36pm
689: Starla says:

aww mel you deserve it

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:37pm
690: MissStix says:

Oh sigh…

I feel longing for a finalized divorce. I long for the feelings that will come with it. This is the fire under my a$$ to get this ball rolling. It is almost too easy here. We won’t even need to go before a judge. There is no excuse. Just down right laziness. :p

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:39pm
691: MissStix says:

SGoddess

I believe we have all been where you are and some still do agree with you. But remember it doesn’t look unnatural…It only feels unnatural. I’m not saying to do it if it doesn’t feel right. Just consider that if you are being honest and “natural”(you have sunk into your feeling and know exactly what it is) it will simply look honest and natural. No one will think anything of it. And I believe this is at the core of the importance of sinking in and feeling your authentic feelings. Understanding them, getting to know them, knowing which ones are bad ideas in disguise. Which ones lead you and control your behaviour. How do those feel? How do we simply feel them, while at the same time, stop them from running us?

It’s a lot of practice. And it’s all for you and no one else. Others will benefit as a result, but they are not the reason…

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:48pm
692: Dominique says:

Smile – <3

xxoo

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:52pm
693: Dominique says:

YAY!!! Mel, it is a great feeling, isn’t it, when those papers finally arrive.

xxoo

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 2:53pm
694: April Rose says:

Daria,
I like your video. Your hand movements look mesmerising.
I kept finding my gaze drawn towards your face, and I thought I would find some truly melting expressions there. What I saw there looked like concentration on your hand.
I know ’tis your first video, and I loved the hand. I’m just sayin I would love to see some matching melty face shots.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 3:13pm
695: Belle says:

It would feel good to get some useful suggestions about my feelings for C and dealing with him at work.

They come and go, rise and fall…and when they rise, WOW, is it like what I imagine a big whiff of crack might be like.
Yesterday was easy…today…not so much.
So, I am noticing where I can make different choices – for example, he and I and someone else were in a room together, and when the 3rd person left, so did I so I wouldn’t be alone with him (yesterday when we were talking we were in separate areas talking through a door in full view of everyone).
I will be mindful and think twice before I use his computer for anything again.

I let myself drift off into fantasyland for a while today and played around with yummy fantasies of playing around with him, and it felt so good that I just let it go for a bit because I was doing it for the sheer pleasure of it and later sort of talked it out with myself, no harm in the fantasies but it just feels so rotten when it clashes with reality and it does feel like LOA principles, in that I’m not really trying to make anything happen – for a change! Haha, I know how that feels and it’s crappy but

I dunno.
It doesn’t feel bad but…
oh..
I see
It’s like a vipassana romance (I have very very little to do at work).
The fantasies are about my relationship with desire.

The other stuff, though, with C, I could use some help with.
He is unavailable and has never made a move to actually date me, though he’s had periods of being broken up with his gf and been free to do so. It doesn’t work for me.
That’s the reality of it,
I just don’t know what to do with myself and all of these frigging FEEEEEELINGS!!!

Maybe there’s just nothing to be done. Just keep moving along and building up the rest of my life. I have Targeting Mr. Right and am just getting to the tools, so I can practice those and
maybe trust
like bloom-ing
and quit and be open to another job??

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 3:58pm
696: Smile says:

Tonight I’m wide awake! Completely different feelings to last night.

Tonight I feel wow. What an incredible sharing. I feel like aw how brave, the man wore his heart on his sleeve and it was so beautiful. Such a vulnerable conversation between two people.

I feel you all would be proud of me 

Happy thank you more please!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:10pm
697: Smile says:

*I think you all would feel proud of me

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:10pm
698: Belle says:

Yah ok I feel like I’m on the right track, in some ways…sinking into my feelings is the way to go and will get me where my heart is leading.
Tara Brach calls the longing a contracted form of love and more and more I’m feeling comfortable settling into the feeling, focusing on my heart and relaxing.

I just feel weird and unsettled, because things are happening that I like in some ways but feel scared of how other people might react to me.

Today during a safety meeting, I spontaneously took a big deep breath, and rocked on my chair just a smidge, and started feeling waves of full body orgasms roll through. I sucked it in and was as discreet as possible, but
I’m kind of like,
THIS
is why I’ve kept my sexuality bottled up and been depressed for so long!

Reminds me of a dream I had the other night where I got off a bus, and was doing a reality check, asking, “Am I dreaming? Can I fly?” and I was just on the edge of lucidity
only, I was carrying a little bit of baggage (2 small bags) and I was worried about what other people might think or try to do to me if I fly
(unusual, usually I just pop off and fly when I become lucid)
I feel curious and

idkwtf

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:14pm
699: Tam says:

Had a nice time at the beach. Watched some people fishing and got chatted up by a hottie Cuban who gave me my first fishing lesson. Very nice guy, not quite on my wavelength but very sexy and cute. He was super sweet to me. Didn’t catch a fish but had lots of fun. He asked for my number.
I felt very elated afterwards, but as I got home to the empty Condo, I started to have my thoughts drift again….I don’t want to say to where so it doesn’t get real
It’s ok. I can do this.
Shifting my thoughts.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:43pm
700: Tam says:

Smile, that feels great to read!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 4:49pm
701: Daria says:

lol April Rose I am focusing on my hand and getting relaxed in my body- thats the point of my focus

I really find my face and expression looking at my hand Very soft in this video – I felt quite shocked looking at it t!!, compared to how i usually get to see myself (head on, in mirror.) I can even see the tiny moments where i jump in my head and tighten up in the vid! I felt fascinated…

I feel surprised you didn’t find it that way! But as far as softness, and focusing on the hand, it’s all there in how i was feeling…

i feel open to the thought that you’re just not the man for me! lol

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:00pm
702: Mel says:

Awww… thanks ladies! (((ladies)))

@ Stix: It felt sooooooo good to have everything finalized. It wasn’t a long drawn-out dramatic divorce… everything was simple and quick and uncontested. Nonetheless, it feels great to leave all of that behind me as a life lesson and not have to expend any energy in that direction anymore.

@Dominique: Yay! It did feel amazing!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:02pm
703: Daria says:

though i suppose if the attention is drawn to my face its already doing the attraction job

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:03pm
704: Daria says:

oh and April Rose – I do not mean to be defensive or … though i feel quite shocked that we have such different takes on video… I have never seen myself look so soft in my life

im mostly feeling shock and wonder, and a little fear that im not ‘being seen’

i feel a little sad… thats what i look like when im in my body…

if i don’t look ‘soft’ then at my softest… boo hoo…

then what?

ohhh its ok baby… you know u look damn soft lol

and i know i Felt in my body. and i can see myself jump into my head in the ‘tightening moments”

sooo what is this showing up for me to learn?

maybe just that a front on video would be well received?

maybe just to not trip and feel open to hearing perceptions that are different than mine while anchoring myself in my beliefs of me that feel good

maybe that i don’t attract feminine women! lol

hmmm that is something ive thought about ….

i am feeling a bit triggered

i feel tingles of fear

but but but… i felt SO SHOCKED AT HOW SOFT I LOOkED

how can someone else not see that in the same thing i looked at?

feeling confused…

i love my confusion

its ok to feel confused

feeling all urgent to look at the video again to reassure myself i saw what i saw and felt what i felt

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:09pm
705: Daria says:

hmmm im not very ‘happy smile’ in it, cuz i am authentically feeling my feelings… i see them in me, the almost eye rolling lip poking expression, all that ME

im really INTO the hand…

and i do feel really drawn to my face too…

i guess this is what it looks like when im in my feelings and touching myself, an object. i don’t look so ‘nice’

but to me theres something very attractive about me in those moments

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:14pm
706: Mel says:

At the government office today, the guy at the counter, stamping my forms was all like: “Congratulations on getting rid of 200 lbs of dead weight!…I mean… 200 lbs on average” LOL… (((funny government man)))

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:14pm
707: Daria says:

so triggered that doesnt come across when im really really being into the feeling!

uhoh!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS TRIGGER!

this is def awesome to work with

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:15pm
708: Daria says:

maybe i stiffen my lip and look “bored” when im looking at my hands that way and being vulnerable

to cover up being vulnerable

that IS something i think i do

thanks April Rose…

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:17pm
709: Daria says:

but somehow im still really attractive to me!

probably cuz im really There with the touching my hand

so how can i let that flow unstiffened thru my face

i usually stiffen up my face quite often, unless im making eye contact with someone and i feel safe to do so

hmmm

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:20pm
710: Femininewoman says:

Aaaawww Mel

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:24pm
711: Miss Bells says:

#658
But–if I am the “girlfriend” in this situation–I will make it easy and leave.
I am so happy that the situation evolved such that I was able to make it clear to HS–no contacting other women if you want to continue to have me in your life.

He chose me.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:24pm
712: Daria says:

hmmm now im thinking i do the lip thing cuz im playing and feeling my lip too while i feel my hand

i dono i give up trying to figure it out

i feel sad and also safe and also defiant/defensive?

and also kinda happy

theres this surge of energy ‘defending’ me in me and its not really bringing words but its making it really easy for me to just be like, meh ok, but this is me, and this is me really feeling something

its not about it being my first video, it came out way more authentic than i could ahve imagined Any video to ever come out

i never knew i looked so mesmerizing and attractive

without ‘trying’

i can do great beautiful poses, but this felt different, it felt authentic and fascinating to me

i feel sad

its ok D

its ok to feel sad!

theres healing in teh sadness

ohhh

i feel ‘not got’

and that’s ok!

maybe later i will ‘get’ it myself

or maybe im ‘getting’ me now,

i do know that im feeling the texture of my lip and the texture of my skin in the video, and not ‘thinking’ so that has to be the real me

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:26pm
713: Daria says:

lol look at me look at my hand and poke my lip out!

i love me!

maybe that just doesn’t look ‘melty’ to one or more people

i feel confused!

its got me fascinatingly looking at myself so it Does seem to be attractive and melted

totally cnfused again lol

oh gosh april Rose, i wish i understood what you were looking for!

i get this ‘faraway’ look in my face when im melting , and its totally there…

i dont want to miss soemthing to heal or tweak bec of feeling insecure and defensive

hmmm

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:32pm
714: Miss Bells says:

I am heading out to the blues jam.
HS may come down if he feels better. We are on for Friday, even though he is in serious pain.

I am truly worried about him. Widespread sudden onset chronic muscle pain. Trouble even WALKING. He is 63.
No sign of tick bite–so likely not lyme.
Maybe fibromyalgia, though it doesn’t often strike older men. Polymyalgia Rhematica? Both of these are really FUNKY diseases.

How does Rori suggest we handle this sort of thing. I don’t want to be his mommy, or immaculate him. Not being able to walk very well is doing that already. I told him I feel sad he is hurting and suggested we stick to his house this weekend. And asked him what he thinks.
He responded that this would be very good and he has some comedies on Netflix. We’ll do take out so I won’t be over-giving.

Sex seems to lessen the pain for a bit.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:33pm
715: Daria says:

Wow I’m really feeling insecure now

And guilty that posting about it will trigger guilt

I don’t mean to guilt trip you April Rose!

((((April Rose))))

I do feel ungot. I love my ungotness. I feel panick!

I Must take ‘constructive vrticism’

No I don’t have to

I Know how I feel in my body. I Know I was feeling it. I Know it rocked my world seeing it.

It’s ok to get so affected by someone’s opinion.

It doesn’t mean anything.

What if they’re right. What if I think I’m in my body and soft and really I’m not.

Spasm.

Isn’t that why I’d get so truggered?

What if I should keep my mouth open slightly. Not play with my lips.

I feel so sad

But I’m having fun into me e my hand!

Surely their expectations are different and they are drawn in since they’re drawn to seeing my face. Surely they’re just not used to my authenticity, that it doesn’t look perfect polished.

Oh I feel so sad! They said my face didn’t look melty. I don’t
Know… I still think it was authentically attractive.

I feel so confused!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:43pm
716: Daria says:

I really want to validate myself and just dismiss it

But I’m also afraid I’ll look ‘blind’

And like I can’t handle criticism

Which I can’t

Lol

Wow wtf

I love me

And my wtf

I’ll just take the easy way out and trust myself.

I’m sure any healing or tweaks will come out for me anyway

I feel all down a bit now, kinda annoyed

Like a lil angry

So what if my look when I’m in my body doesn’t look melted to some people. I have to feel melted, not look melted

It’s def not like glamour shots when I look authentic but it’s the energy

Ok but is me pursing my lips a tightening of the energy ? That might be something…

But why then would I feel so drawn in to see my expressions? I love my expressions

Hmmm

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:51pm
717: MissStix says:

Daria

I know you’re just processing, but I feel curious, do you do facial relaxation exercises?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 5:55pm
718: Goddess Lily says:

Is there such a thing as the opposite of HappyThankYouMorePlease??? I just went to my first match.com stir mixer and I want to post all about it while it is fresh but I feel so tired. Until tomorrow, glorious goddesses!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 6:43pm
719: Belle says:

Hooray!
Back on again with T
My pattern has been round and round with him since the first month we dated and for whatever reason I didn’t see it
He is my dear friend
I felt very close and intimate and let him matter to me, then felt insecure and did a slash and burn
as per usual
It’s wild, the things I don’t see or admit to myself even when I am acutely aware of so much!
I felt close with him, then asked him for a favor and when I didn’t hear back from him I imagined he was blowing me off.
Because he has never done that, ever.
EVER. Not even once in 10 years has he ever blown me off for any reason whatsoever.
I told myself a bunch of stories and projected my crap and
compared to the gazillion times it has happened in the past, this was better. I could tell him I felt insecure and reveal my deeper feelings and be vulnerable with him about feeling grief over the death of my secret hopes that if I could only just hit the magic combination, we were going to work out one day.
I told him how I felt and what I wanted (a home in the country in my home state, some horses, a monogamous marriage) and sat in the silence.
I breathed through the urge to say, “we want different things, I want x and you want y”
it seemed best to just say what I wanted and let him speak for himself.
He expressed compassion and offered some good feedback but he didn’t say
“Oh, of course, I want that, too”, he analyzed me a little bit, which I didn’t mind because I’ve known him for 10 years, it’s how he is and I love it about him and he’s still not breaking down my door to be with me
so
I feel good and soft and lovey

Oh, hahaha okay noticing I’ve been projecting
judgements about
‘victimy’ feelings,
feeling abandoned, feeling insecure…feeling ashamed and not wanting to reveal those feelings to T and to my friend C because of shame from my own judgments, but calling it “fear of *their* judgments”
ha

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 7:14pm
720: luzydel says:

today on my way home from work; I started thinking about the rush I feel sometimes to be with someone, it is an subconscious rush, but it is there. Like I have to be dating constantly, and I didn’t like the feeling of it. Then I asked myself why the rush? What is wrong with being who I am now? The I started to feel less pressure, more relaxed. I still depend a little on men’s validation. It is ok I guess.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 7:28pm
721: Linda says:

I got triggered today. While at work a patient came in to check in for their surgery. It was the best girlfriend of my last mans oldest daughter. We had socialized a few times over the last 3 years. She walked in and said… hey I know you are stephs dads girlfriend… I said was… we are no longer together. She said she was sorry…inquired how long ago and I told her. Here I am at work doing my job and then this…. I told her.. I reallly miss the girls (his grandkids)…. she said I am sure you could still see them. I just looked down and tears welled up… SH#T…..I did not want to got there!!! But there I was fighting back tears. I really love those little girls.

Dang…I was thinking back today. I fit really well into his family… loved them all…. funny he is the one that does not fit in. (sigh)

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:44pm
722: Linda says:

Meloncholy feelings today cause me to wish for things to have been different for me with him today.

All I can do is embrace the fact that I miss them because I let them in my life. I openned the door of my heart … took the chance and I am glad I did. I did not hold back, even though I could feel things were not gonna last between him and I. That makes me feel happy that I let myself love them instead of keeping my distance and being selfprotective like I have been in the past.

My tears today… make me feel sad but alive too. My heart still works

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 8:53pm
723: healingheart says:

choosing, yes choosing.
here’s the story…
I met him dancing, i would go dancing with my women friends and dance by myself or with friends…just be myself. he kept asking me to dance. he was new to this dance form and felt not confident and kinda shy…he seemed a bit apologetic and nerdy and i found him refreshing actually . i wasn’t attracted to him. i was nice and kind and encouraging to him.
timing wise i started becoming curious about him. i was practicing being more open and flirtatious with men, exploring being sexy, confident with them. i decided to practice with him.
i wasn’t around for a few weeks and then saw him at a dance event. he was distracted and not having the same quality of attention towards me….hmmmmm
when i saw him the next week he said’did i tell you i was married?’…Yikes No!….he continued, ‘she’s been serioulsy sick for 10 years, and not taking care of herself i got so depressed i recently went on medication and she told me to get some hobbies…so i took up dancing.’
I should have so walked away then, but no i stayed and we flirted and i told him and myself to not take it seriously….but it was seriously fun….his wife eventually died and in between all that he would show up with another woman who he called just a dance partner….all the time alternately coming on to me….oye veh!
i managed to get very obsessive about him. i would let him reel me in, i would be sassy with him. we would kiss alittle and i would never give him my number. he eventually said that she was his girlfriend and not available and still wanted my number …oye veh why i didn’t just tell him to shove it and walk away and mean it…but at that point he was the only man i wanted to sleep with and i knew if he was treating her like this….how would it be different with me?
but desire, longing, lonliness, insecurity , need have a way of compelling one to do, or endure things one would never have imagined doing….
I tried staying away from all events he/they might be at. I tried ignoring them completely if i did see them. I was so obsessive tho and would imagine complete dialogues between us if i was to run into him..i would say this and i he would say that…it was helpful in many ways because it helped me hear and feel what i was feeling….but it did also ingrain the obsession into my brain and nervous system
I went out about a month ago to a different venue and there he was without the girlfriend…i truely tried to hide from him but at the same time felt incredible excitement and desire…..he made a beeline for me…i told him it didn’t feel good how i had been treated for the last year. he apologized for hurting my feelings and said he just hadn’t known how to deal with two women and that he had feelings for me…i said that was healing to hear and when you are free and clear, if you are, i will give you my number….I got reeled back in….
i saw him a week later at a different event…he was with the girlfriend….he came up behind me and stared massaging my shoulders…we exchanged some flirty words and then he was gone….i know if i was the girlfriend i would have hated that….but i just let it happen cuz…..i desired him…..
i saw him last nite out dancing…he was there without her…he was dancing with alot of women….he saw me and we danced several dances together….then he said he had to go but first wanted to dance a dance ‘with the girl over there’…i felt the same hurt and humiliation i had experienced over the last year…i had let him in only to be kicked to the curb again….i know this is him and his issues…but i choose to let him get under my skin…he had a big smile on his face dancing with this ‘girl’ and i got it in a big way that i am just gonna be part of a string of ‘girls’ that he can flirt with and get off on dancing with… all the while having a girlfriend….i am not the special one that he would be with if only…
he is the only man i wanted to make love with in so long…there have been other opportunites but i have not been interested or attracted.
this is so not me, yet it is me, i did it ,i experienced it and again i feel humiliated but this time it is truely over for me.
the sadness and emptiness and loss are here….i feel depression to…i know this was a fantasy non relationship for me. i have written and prayed today …prayed for all attachment to him be lifted. i did a ritual of writing his name on paper and burning it and throwing it into a creek…i asked for my wholeness and wellness to return to me….
tonight i am writing to you all….. by way of introduction….wow what an intro huh!?
here is another shocker…i am 64, vibrant and still learning at this age how to have what i want and need as a woman …..i have had my marriages and relationships and experiences and i am a late bloomer in many areas of intimacy with men…its been along time since i have had deep gorgeous sex with love…or even without love…..i just hope i have enough time left on this earth to heal what needs healing….so here i amm….’.healing heart’ all the way….

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 9:37pm
724: Tereana says:

Dudettes, I found out today that I put one of my CDs in jail a year ago. Lol

It was the Australian guy. He was all suicidal last year, and I called 911 on him. He walked away, but apparently, the cops picked him up. I don’t know what happened, but I saw him today, and he told me. It was actually kind of funny. We laughed about it

Then I gave him my number, and I had to run . I think he’ll call me, actually. I know he will. Lol

I still don’t know who is the right guy for me I get to choose! : )

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:12pm
725: Simply Goddess says:

Morning .. Does getting up for work ever get any easier? In cold, rainy England it does not.. Brrrr! xxx

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:22pm
726: Tereana says:

Ok, I have a big trigger that’s come up for me lately. It is – DISAPPOINTMENT.

I keep feeling triggered whenever someone says sorry, that they disappointed me. I don’t know why. I don’t know what is so disappointing in my life. Or maybe I am not admitting that I’ve been greatly disappointed. And maybe that’s because I don’t believe I am allowed to feel disappointed. I hate the feeling of disappointment. But overriding that, I have a sense that, whatever it is, I have to accept it. I CAN’T feel disappointment. And I don’t even know why. I don’t give myself permission.

And I get an image of my mom in my mind when I think of that. I think of her – looking at me. With a look of disappointment on her face.

Ah, crap. That’s it. It’s not me that was disappointed. I’M the one who did the disappointing. And I don’t even know why or how. I’m a little girl. My mom is disappointed, and I don’t know why. It must be because I am a bad person. I am sad and disappointing all myself. I am disappointing because I am growing up and becoming my own person. Inns disappointing because I am not going to stay a baby forever, and be dependent on her.

She is STILL disappointed. And SHE won’t admit it. But I can feel it. I can feel that energy. And it’s YUCK. Ew, yucky yuck and I hate it. Blech.

How dare she? How dare she be disappointed in me for doing the most natural thing possible – growing up. Becoming independent.

I’ve taken it on. I’ve taken it in. I’ve become perpetually disappointed in MYSELF. Just for being alive.

This manifests itself as many people, all the time, “disappointing” me – even if I am not really disappointed at all. That I know of.

I wonder if I can heal this? I wonder if I can heal this sense of disappointment in life. And instead become curious and grateful about what is true, and amazing, and available, right in front of me? I wonder what 10 things I can be grateful for today?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:25pm
727: Emerson says:

Simply goddess your pic is so cute and cold rainy England sounds cozy! I love the UK and its been way too long since I’ve been there to visit!!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:36pm
728: Emerson says:

718 I feel muchas curious about the mixer!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:39pm
729: Emerson says:

(((Linda)))

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:40pm
730: Emerson says:

725 tereana
I feel curious perhaps your moms disappointment is your perception? Have you talked to her about it?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:42pm
731: Emerson says:

I feel curious why there is a blank in front of me no CDs in sight

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:48pm
732: Emerson says:

Tereana I hate feeling “let down” or disappointed. But I feel it less and less because I’ve.changed my expectations of others. It’s been replaced by a hollowness and this occurred to me just now after responding to you.
Thank you for helping me process

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 @ 11:51pm
733: Daria says:

I dono but I find my face extremely expressive , it’s something I’ve always felt confident with men about, knowing that in person it looks really expressive to me. I’m just gona stick with that perception, it feels better to me than doubting myself

I feel guilty about that.

I feel scared my confidence will be shaken and now I will be inexpressive. But then again I don’t know that that’s possible.

It’s not my fault if it doesn’t come across to every person… I feel guilty for saying That!

I think it comes across to men and it’s something I get compliments on . I will just leave this.

I don’t want to change this belief just ciz of what one or a few people had to say. That’s like when everyone is in awe of me dancing night after night, and one guy says well its okay… Then I got insecure. Even though I have thousands and thousands opinions to the contrary.

Now I want to ask Rori abt the video. I want to validate myself but I feel scared its true and my softness is not coming across, even though that’s what I’m seeing.

So sad

This is a huge trigger for me, always checking against opinion of cousin or loved one.

For clothes, and didn’t wind up owning my own style till years later cuz of it. And now some people may not like it but to me it’s wow.

Seriously my main thought is, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about or what soft would look like on me. Then I feel guilty. Then I’m like… But… What if she’s right?

But she’s nooot! Waaaah.

I feel obsessed. This is totally a familiar pattern for me.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:46am
734: Daria says:

Or maybe pursing my lips when I’m focusing is something I should change? Somehow I don’t think so…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:48am
735: Daria says:

I’m torturing myself w pain cuz I feel guilty to brush off an opinion from someone I like. Pfff.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:49am
736: Daria says:

Ohh this is like that time when I had gotten good at feeling messages and that one guy accused me of ‘being robotic it’s like you never have any feelings’ and I was like pfff he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and he was all feminine energy and still pursued me. It’s like it doesn’t compute or computes opposite for some people. But wow I didn’t see this coming at all.

Now miss Stix is asking me if I do facial relaxation exercises wow I really must be letting this doubting myself affect my vibe.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:56am
737: Daria says:

Haha I feel all fake like a fraud like others are sitting there thinking the sane and thinking wow she has a really hard time accepting to look at herself! I love that part of me that judges that way.

I love the part of me that has a hard time.

There one way of thinking that it must be true somewhat of Ot triggers you and I think everyone ok multiple people are thinking that.

Then another part is like no, you know yourself and that was amazing radiant and attractive in a soft authentic way.

This is a trigger about validating yourself.

Now I don’t know if I’m like I sometimes judge others as running around trying to circularly lie to themselves.

All those ‘artists’ and ‘dancers’ who are like, well at first I was offended but later realized it was true and it helped me.

Pfff no I don’t like that. But I think that often about others.

I’m just gona go a the version where I’m so radiant and soft, that it reads as not soft because it blows circuits. Like the ‘you’re a robot’ thing.

That’s what my main thought is, and it feels kinda solid.

And I will experiment with focus and see if there’s a difference focusing on a part of my body vs relaxing and visualizing.

And I might practice relaxing my face, cuz I know my moms looks hard a
D sad sometimes, and I get like that when I feel hopeless and am thinking about triggering things.
And I will ask Rori, it’s ok to ask for help.

Yay thanks.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:07am
738: Butterfly Wings says:

543 TGirl – yup I did that in December and it worked wonders – then I slipped up and changed my focus. NOT a good move!

He leaves tomorrow and I’m actually feeling ok about it right now. He’s been really great today too.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:31am
739: Radlove says:

Hi, I am going to experiment with not being on the blog much. I mainly want to stay in touch with all of you. But my life is out of balance with thinking about relationships and inner healing too much. I need to focus on other aspects of my life for a while.

But I’m still going to check in each day or whatever. So it’s not that I want to sever my relationship with any of you. It’s more I need to focus on getting my life in balance and in order.

I could spend all my days on the blog, LOL, and it’s become another addiction for me! But I am neglecting a lot of real life responsibilities…

I love you all! B

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:33am
740: Radlove says:

“For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:43am
741: Butterfly Wings says:

(((Radlove))) you’ve got to do what’s best for you. YOu know where I am if you ever need to talk.

xxx

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:47am
742: Butterfly Wings says:

Tonight is TH’s last night here and I actually feel fine – happy in fact. Today I’ve been on a real high, it’s weird.

And I noticed that TH comes buzzing around whenever someone else is also buzzing around (a single guy I know was posting on my FB this morning), or when he can see I’m clearly happy about something and he’s sure it’s not him that’s caused it! Haha!

I think it’s a vibe thing. Maybe I’m showing him that I can be perfectly happy without him – and he wants to be a part of it!

I don’t know how many times he came past my desk today, plus we went for a walk at lunch, then after work he walked me to the train station.

I’m going to his house tonight for a bit because he is letting me borrow his fancy camera while he’s away so I need to pick it up. My daughter is attending her first formal (prom) and I want to take some amazing photos!

And then tomorrow he’s gone – for THREE weeks! I know I know it’s not that long….!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:53am
743: Radlove says:

BW,

740 – Thanks! And I’ll be around…not leaving altogether. Just not spending so much time here. I need to steer clear of anything “romance” for a while.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:57am
744: Butterfly Wings says:

You know what Radlove? I think that sometimes taking a little break to allow us to breathe, is a good thing.

Good on you for fighting your addiction and taking some time out to look after yourself! I see you learning to love yourself more and more every day and I feel so happy to see that!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:00am
745: Annie says:

Feel major stress, frustration when things out of my control happen and put a spanner in the works. grrrrr!

I just want things to go to plan.

I start thinking why me and woe is me when this happens.

I don’t believe this has anything to do with the law of attraction, when tumble drier breaks and computer problems at bank.
Sigh!

Just starts to make me feel panicky and anxious inside about being late and not getting all the things done that are planned for today.
Then I feel worn out and want to run away and avoid it all. Give up and say FUUUUUUU> CK it all! Watch mindless tv eat crap and switch off, sleep.

Sigh.

Right feel best get on with it. coffee and back on track.
Distracting is calming though.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:03am
746: Tam says:

(((Annie)))

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 3:47am
747: April Rose says:

Daria,

I wish you were in my theatre company. The juice of real theatre is in exploring conflict without resolving it.

Really getting into life’s dilemmas and opening them up. No ‘quick fix’.
I find it very feminine.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:16am
748: April Rose says:

I looked at your video again, and I think it is simply the angle.
When you turn to face the camera I see the softness clearly.
And I really enjoyed your shoulder movements, they feel sexy and playful.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:24am
749: Daria says:

April Rose – I feel in conflict with myself, not anyone else.

Thanks. That feels a bit more reassuring.

I personally see a big difference from when I face the camera in the beginning and end, where I’m not focusing into my body, and when im looking at my hand or glancing over my shoulder – focused in my body.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:29am
750: April Rose says:

What fascinates me about theatre, and blogs, and whenever one person presents something, is this:

The person presenting only ever gives 50% of the picture.
The other 50% is created in the mind of the observer/listener/reader.

It’s the discussion about perception I was having with Laughing Goddess a few weeks ago.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:30am
751: Daria says:

now I’m seeing myself differently…

i guess my lil ‘cover’ of ‘looking at my hand’ like im bored is really showing, and then i see when i melt into smiling

that lip thing of “hmm what shoudl i do”

but maybe its ok? maybe i express a feeling of wonder that way?

i do do that..

lots to explore

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:47am
752: April Rose says:

Daria 748

Me too. I am in conflict with myself.

All the parts of me, I externalise so that they are played by people in the world.

In my life WM plays the part (that I have projected onto him) of the disconnected lover.

EM plays the part of the dangerous and highly smart trickster.

They themselves are just people. But I have made them into these reflections of myself.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:48am
753: Heart says:

Feeling emotional today.
Feeling sad about CudG.
Feeling lonely and bored.

Going to date myself.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:48am
754: Daria says:

now i feel bored with this

heh

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:49am
755: Tam says:

(((heart))) – I can sympathise.
I have been doing that. Now I have another date tonight and don’t feel like it. Would rather CD myself too…it is more fun right now.
Hm.
I am going anyway though.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:50am
756: Daria says:

(((April Rose)))

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:50am
757: Heart says:

Tam – thank you and just go…I need to get some enthusiam back for cding. Right now I feel a little tender and just want to center myself.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:53am
758: Tam says:

I feel annoyed. Someone has commented on a facebook post of mine saying I should drop the victim mentality. I don’t feel like a victim at all. Not at all.
I just said this:
”the bigger the crisis, the bigger the opportunity’ – this means my opportunities this year should be gigantic’.
Simply because I had never heard the sentence ‘the bigger the opportunity the bigger the crisis’ before.
I liked it.
I had a huge crisis this year and am starting to come out. This doesn’t mean I see myself as a victim, but as having been stuck in a low.
I felt misunderstood and belittled. Then the guy goes on to say ‘want some coaching’ and as I said ‘yeah, ok’ ..he says: ‘ think positive, it really helps’
Aaah, no sh**!!!
I feel patronised and ridiculed.
Grrr grr grr.
Whatever.
been a major trigger this morning.
I am not a victim and all I do is based on my choice, even when things don’t work out. I DO NOT see myself as a victim at all. Just because my comment was misunderstood…grrr. Raaaaahhhhh!!!!
I resisted the temptation to ‘explain’. I just said that I am actually feeling positive and not like a victim at all.
Well done, Tam

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:56am
759: April Rose says:

I want to create the part of the stable, yet exciting, sensitive, giving, caring husband.

I want to feel that in myself.

And then place all those qualities onto a man, and let him do it for me.

Yes, this feels good.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:57am
760: April Rose says:

Thank you for the hug, Daria

I feel happy I could trigger you so much. It feels safe to do that now.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:59am
761: Heart says:

Tam – I felt sad today cuz I saw CudG like a page in my newsfeed. I just had an – it’s over feeling …(-_-) …it hurts.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:02am
762: April Rose says:

Well done Tam,

That just shows that for some people, crisis means suffering. For you, it doesn’t.

For me, crisis means opportunity for total transformation of my life. How exciting and positive is that!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:03am
763: Tam says:

I don’t feel like listening to other people’s advice or judgment about me or the people I associate.
I have one or two friends who are so full of judgment, that it drags me down….strange. Suppose I used to be the same. Now try to take things as they come. For example fishing with the Cuban guy yesterday. I wouldn’t have done that normally at all, I’d have just said ‘hi’ and walked past. He looked a bit rough. I didn’t judge and just joined him to see what he had to offer – he was really sweet actually.
The friends I am referring to would have thought ‘oh, why would you talk to *that* guy?’
I don’t like this attitude. I am open to all people, also the beggars on the street – one of us might be there one day.
I also feel frustrated that since one of my gf’s got engaged, she never goes out with me anymore.
We were going to do Halloween and her fiancee told me the other day ‘she and I will not be doing Halloween this year’. Oh well, so I know. F**k that. Are they joined at the hip now?
I feel frustrated. And blindsided. By a whole row of people right now.
Nevermind. I will take my backside out there and make new friends. It’s totally possible.
Grrrrrr.
I feel angry today.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:05am
764: April Rose says:

Who knows if that guy was preaching, or had genuine concern and desire to help you?

I believe Rori would say choose to believe he is being manly and caring, and respond accordingly with gratitude.

This builds up a practice of gratitude (fake it til you make it), which can only enhance all our interactions with men.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:05am
765: Tam says:

((((Heart)))) fb is the demise of all of us. MrP is posting on common friends statuses like there is no tomorrow (he doesn’t normally) and has totally blindsided me. I find it offensive even though it has nothing to do with me whatsoever. I sunk into my feelings about that yesterday and decided to look at fb less and perhaps deactivate my account for a little. Not sure. Just rearranging my priorities.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:07am
766: Tam says:

April Rose, yep, good idea.
I just feel bad when people say I am ‘whinging’ when I am actually feeling/trying to be positive. It dragged me right down as I thought ‘ohhhh, it came across as whinging?’ I was actually sad about that.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:08am
767: April Rose says:

In fact, taking it further, a practice of gratitude is what will heal the world and all its people.

Responding thankfully to everyone, no matter how much of a d*ck we think they are, will gently raise their self-esteem.

Raising the self-esteem of humans, isn’t that what will heal society’s ills?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:10am
768: Tam says:

Thanks for being able to spam, I feel better now.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:11am
769: Tam says:

I can feel the urge to lash out today, feeling protective and defensive. Well, that never got me anywhere so I won’t.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:13am
770: April Rose says:

Tam,

I am on a roll now!! Feeling inspired by your situation.

What if….?…What if it all was about you. Everything!

What if you chooose, to think so.

What if you choose to believe that MrP is posting on everyone’s fb, for your benefit.

Could you think “poor sweet boy, aw bless him and his efforts to get my attention”

Think the most positive scenario, yet continue to lean back.

I see this as witnessing the humans from my goddess seat in the sky, looking down upon them with compassion and humour.

Hee, I feel a bit silly writing that, but I stand by it!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:14am
771: Tam says:

April Rose, that’s a nice way of looking at it but I am not making up any more positive stories because I am trying to not get stuck…you know?
I found it counterproductive.
I tried it but it just kept my thoughts on the subject.
I am now trying the ‘ignoring’ and surrendering to what is.
We will see how that works.
But agreed on interpreting everything as positive.
Or not interpreting at all (which is what I want to do).

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:19am
772: Tam says:

769..cute post though A-R, it made me feel smiley..

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:20am
773: Heart says:

Tam – yes I’m realizing that Facebook is a big trigger….I didnt hve the internet for a while back over summer and it actually helped a lot.

Tam do not get sucked into Mr.P’s FB activity. Stuff Manboy wrote would trigger me so much! It helped heal me a little but I think a gentler triggering is better for me. Facebook is tooo intense..I feel curious about why that is so…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:24am
774: Tam says:

Heart, if fb wasn’t a way of keeping in touch with some of my good friends overseas, I’d long since have deactivated it for considerable amounts of time this year. For various reasons, many triggers, like people getting jobs I went for or doing stuff I wanted to do or arranging things without inviting me…and romantic stuff too, of course.
It is a big trigger but also a big way of keeping in touch, so i am totally divided.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:27am
775: Heart says:

#769 – Lololol! April Rose…You= Awesome!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:28am
776: Femininewoman says:

I love it April Rose

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:29am
777: Femininewoman says:

I love it April Rose

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:29am
778: Heart says:

#773 – Tam – I know …it’s a tough decision to make.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:32am
779: Femininewoman says:

I feel big this morning. I am walking alond and suddenly feel a stubborn radical on my own side feeling. What bubbled up was “I stubbornly and radically love and accept myself”. I am on my side. I am driving a stake in ground for myself today. I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:37am
780: April Rose says:

Tam,

I hear ya.
I was talking from my ‘light side’.

When I feel heavy and angry I don’t want to hear some bubbly bird asking me to look at things lightly!

Not saying you feel heavy.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:43am
781: April Rose says:

Tam 765,

I’m feeling more deeply into what this brings up for me.

Yes, me too. I HATE being called a whinger. ESPECIALLY when I am totally innocent.

I’m guessing it came from childhood, when my Dad got annoyed with this small child and her genuine needs. Maybe he felt bad because he didn’t know what I needed and so got cross with my ‘whingeing’.

Come on, inner Dad. You can do better for me now…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:49am
782: April Rose says:

Femininewoman,

Yay! I like your stubborn (consistent) self love.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:50am
783: Tam says:

778 FW – love it..taking that onboard

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:51am
784: Tam says:

Aw, April Rose, your posts made me feel all soft and smiley now. Yes, I did feel a little angry and I guess heavy, and attacked (and was ‘attacked’ before 8am today, for having a ‘victim mentality’, and my mornings are not my best).
I have now turned this around with your help and feeling super duper now for not dwelling on it.
I am also not checking my fb or email for a few hours, luckily I have a separate work email so don’t need to.
That will help also.
Life is good, the sun is shining!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:54am
785: April Rose says:

I’m finding a new mantra for dealing with persistent predictable triggers
“this is for my benefit”

a light thought. And then, Forget about it and on with the fun things of my life..!

Thanks for helping me find this, Tam

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:01am
786: Silver Moonbeam says:

Oh Sirens, finally I get what this whole RR thing is about as I am actually doing it for myself…YAY ME!!!

Gave my mobile number to one guy yesterday who still hasn’t phoned me, 4 hot firemen came to my workplace today including Mr Hubba Hubba they will be back tomorrow!! Another guy contacted me on Smooch and thinks I am gorgeous……the quality of the men is definitely stepping up from my dismal past on dating sites, I think my vibe has finally gotten in the right place at long last.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:04am
787: Heart says:

lol@mr hubba hubba …..Loves it!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:07am
788: April Rose says:

Silver Moonbeam,

That feels fantastic. Your news has made my tummy light up!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:07am
789: Tam says:

SMB – 4 firemen, eh? Some people just can’t get enough!!
Sounds a happy place to be, the one you are at..I noticed similar recently..more quality men.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:07am
790: Vi says:

I feel angry. I love my anger!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:13am
791: April Rose says:

Heart,

You are having some good laughs today!
Wish I was with you, sharing a coffee and a giggle

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:16am
792: April Rose says:

Hello Vi

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:17am
793: April Rose says:

What’s bitin’ ya?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:17am
794: Tam says:

April-R, Heart – I’m coming!! For the giggles and the coffee….will bring cookies

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:17am
795: Heart says:

April Rose – awwwwr sounds great!

Tam – yay for coffee, giggles and cookies! (+ Hubba hubba fireman )

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:23am
796: Silver Moonbeam says:

Thanks Sirens, 3 of the firemen were really cute but only babies to me.

I am felt such a big shift in my vibe the past few weeks, not sure if I am remembering to do all that I should at all times, but it’s all good practise. Today I have my bracelet on my left wrist, it’s really sparkly crystals and catches the light I noticed Mr Hubba Hubba fireman looked at it too!! He is probably married who knows but a very nice man and somebody for me to practise on.

Life is good.

p.s. April Rose, would love to have a coffee and a ciggie with you and any other Brit Sirens.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:23am
797: Silver Moonbeam says:

*have felt such a big shift not “am”

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:24am
798: Tam says:

and YAY for hubba hubba Cuban fishermen…eye candy…I love eye candy…..
Now, Universe, I wouldn’t mind some brain candy plus eye candy (well, I am flexible with that to some extent, Universe, I am not greedy).
Thank you, happy, MOOOOOOORE please

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:24am
799: Tam says:

can bring cookies, coffee and Latin lovers?
There seems to be an abundance of them here…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:26am
800: Belle says:

I feel giggly and confident.
I specifically instructed D to call me to firm up plans for our date and he responded by email with more questions and suggestions.
I felt really pleased that he asked if I wanted to go to dinner first! and…

I’m going to go on with my life and not respond.
A few months ago I would have worried that I wasn’t making myself clear, would have tried to control the situation and repeat myself, and fretted over trying to
“make”
the date happen and make sure I had communicated 10 different ways what I want or
been sucked into FB messaging back and forth or would have been angry with him for not responding with a phone call.
Good.
Yum.
!!
Otherwise I’m not sure what I’m feeling.
I woke up feeling pain and conflicted and with my mind going 100 miles an hour, and have ridiculously overeaten this morning.
I didn’t want to stop and take stock of my feelings so…
now I feel sleepy.
I reviewed the ACIM lesson, “My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability” and wrote out some stuff that I was afraid of around some car trouble I had
feel sleepy
sleepy
wanna close my eyes and
nod off
yum that would be good!
hmmm…
go home for the day
sleep off all this food
maybe it was the vulnerability with T triggering plus car issues plus financial worries
who knows
“I am never upset for the reason I think I am” (ACIM)
Hm.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:33am
801: Belle says:

Daria

I’m imagining that if you make a whole bunch of videos, and try all different kinds of faces ranging from hard to soft to ridiculous, that one video and one comment won’t matter so much anymore.
I feel amused thinking of it as kind of like extending the CD concept to making videos

Which reminds me, earlier this year I did a voice recording for a friend’s online labyrinth oracle, and it helped a LOT to make a bunch of recordings first where I used all kinds of funny voices and sounded as bad and ridiculous as possible, it helped me relax and not worry so much about the final product.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:45am
802: April Rose says:

Yay Tam,
Bring everything you’ve got!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:00am
803: MissStix says:

Daria

I was asking because I thought I might suggest it for you to feel more confident in relaxing your face (you mentioned you tighten your face a lot or something along those lines) , but I know you’re on top of that kind of ish so I did not want to be too forward in making a suggestion…

It is something I do because I have never felt comfy with my face, and consciously relaxing it helps me feel more comfy with it.

In honesty, I did not look at your face once your hand started moving…So I have no idea what AR meant.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:34am
804: MissStix says:

I feel so so so sad. I feel tears flowing down my cheeks. I see tiny little droplets stuck to my eyelashes. I feel my breath catch deep contractions in my diaphragm. Extra runny nose sinus cold draining from so many tears. I feel alone. I don’t feel lonely. I love you sadness. I love you trembly lips. I feel my ears heating up. I feel cold in my finger tips. I feel lost.I feel disconnected. I feel detatched. I feel alone. I don’t feel lonely. I feel floating…Like just a suspension in the fluid of life. I feel strong to do anything. I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know what I want to want. I feel lost. I love you lost feelings.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:51am
805: MissStix says:

Sadness lingers and clings like a heavy blanket. It’s ok sadness i’ll sit with you here, for a while, wrapped up in you. Thoughts go through my head like…How can I feel so honest, and how can I get it all right and feel so wrong? More like questions. No random thoughts. Is this how it feels when I get it all but don’t know what exactly I really want? I feel like a cut out. I feel my shape not fitting into the right hole. Slammed down over and over by a baby too young to know that square peg doesn’t fit into round hole.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:02am
806: MissStix says:

Oh I feel pleased to see another blog post up. I feel comfy just to stay here and type alone. “How to create space and make room for love…”. Fresh tears. How do I make room for sad? I have all the space in the world for love. Breathe in deep broken breath. Sigh it out ahhhhh. Waterfalls. Fresh pouring waterfalls fed by my eyes. Absorbed into my jeans.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:12am
807: Femininewoman says:

I was not able to see the video. It would not run. However, I do remember an recommendation from Rori to drop your jaw and create a slight space between your lips to look relaxed. Apparently we unconsciously purse our lips when tense and keep our mouths slightly opened when relaxed. It is something I am paying attention to included the high shoulders.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:26am
808: MissStix says:

Tick tock tick tock. So quiet here. The tears have stopped. I feel….phhhhhewwwwaaaarrrrrrrgh. I feel resistant to reading the new blog. I think it looks like it’s gonna be all yay happy lets all make room for love! Wooooopie. I feel scrunchfaced and annoyed. Tell me something I don’t know…Someone tell me something I don’t feel. Tell me how to make this space my own! Tell me how to feel totally happy in this love space. Tell me how to shut the front door to this love house so my foot isn’t always halfway out…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:26am
809: MissStix says:

My mind struggles to comprehend how it can all feel so shallow yet so deep all at once. It’s far far deeper than I ever imagined. And so complex that I am me and I still don’t understand me. And there simply are no words to explain or describe. Probably better that way. Oh you’re just running away cause you’re scared. Pshht ya. It is that shallow. But it’s not that shallow. It is so much deeper. So much more complex. Now I wonder how I can possibly feel scared of something I don’t feel afraid of at all? It is so simple to say…Fear of attachment. Don’t want to get hurt again. I see no fear in “getting hurt”. I feel a complete lack of fear. I don’t think it’s possible to be hurt anymore. Is this the detachment I feel? Are the detached feelings what keep me here in suspension? Do we have to feel attached and clinging to feel truly in love? For that love to feel like exactly what we want…I feel confused.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:34am
810: MissStix says:

I wrote yesterday “I do feel good now…” and today I feel like a liar. A fraud. I don’t feel good. Well…I DO feel good.But I don’t. This must be how it feels when love from another is no longer validating. I do feel lost and alone. My own love is validating. Yes yes. Very much. Why is it not enough? But wait…It is enough. More than enough. I still feel reaching and searching and longing. For what? Sigh. F@ck if I know. My mom asked if I am PMSing. Yeah. But I felt annoyed. Why do we always search for reasons? Reaching for ways to describe and invalidate feelings. My PMS is not a reason for my feelings. It is a catalyst.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:49am
811: MissStix says:

How would I feel if I just said “Hey…You’re wonderful. I’m wonderful. This is wonderful. But I just want to be alone.”. That might be the closest thing to the truth. What would I do…Visions of exploring and adventures. No one to think about but me. No trying to do anything or be anything or not do anything or not be anything for anyone. Not wanting anything at all ever, from anyone. I said to him yesterday I felt like such a bore. I felt so tired and blah and I felt weird like I should go home. But I felt to tired and sick to drive. He was so gentle and so understanding and he said “just stay…Stay and be a sick, tired bore and hibernate in my bedroom.” and I told him I felt guilty to just be in his space when I don’t genuinely want to be there.” and he said “Don’t worry…I want you here.” oh fresh tears. What a metaphor for this all.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:11am
812: Miss Bells says:

#806
my intention is to BE relaxed. Then I don’t have to worry if I am doing it right.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:20am
813: MissStix says:

At one time I thought if a man loved me it validated my worth as a human woman. Now that I have lost this belief there is an empty space inside me. My own love for myself validates me as a human woman. Yes. But this love and validation occupies space in an entirely different place inside of me. It feels more all over and around and through my body. His love for me now occupies a new place. It feels through my chest, shooting back between my shoulder blades. A nice even warm flow of pressure up my neck and out my third eye. I still feel this black hole swirling just under my right collar bone. And it feels like buzzing up into my head. It keeps sucking everything into it…And I feel confused. Ok ok. Now I know being alone won’t suddenly fill this hole. But what do I fill it with?

What the eff do I do?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:42am
814: MissStix says:

Ummm…

wow, ok. I feel woah…Like an overwhelming sense of weirdness. All there is now is to just be me and live my life. There is nothing else left to worry about. That’s the hole that is leeching off me. A need to have something to worry about.

I have nothing to worry about.

I have nothing to do.

There is nothing to do.

There is nothing to say.

There is only each moment in my life.

And with that, I am going to play with my camera.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:51am
815: Daria says:

It does feel safe to just write here alone

In feeling emotional

Un feeling heartache

I feel totally ungot. I feel hopeless

I feel the big sadness again

I can eat some seaweed and do eFT

Thank you Daria for giving me a nap

I feel pist at myself and like retching my stomach out my body

I feel pouty

I’ll never attract enough money to feel safe.

When I attracted enough money it didn’t feel enough.

If I attracted 5000 a month. It wouldn’t feel enough

It doesn’t feel enough now thinking about it

I’m doomed relying on people to take care of me, and ensuring abuse. That feels sad

I know in a part of me that’s not true.

I don’t really want to sell so much of my time as many people do. I have my time and I feel triumphant with it.

I have some money waiting for me , but what when/if I don’t .

It would be for 2 -3 months.

I’m stuck w the problem I was taught all humans have.

Aha even should have or else they’ll get sick and not have integrity. And integrity brings happiness. It also brings imprisonment and early death.

It would feel great to heal some of this. But I think many healers are selling their skills, not offering them freely.

I’m on my own again.

More beliefs. Ok seaweed I’m coming. I know you’re here for me and will boost my brain chemicals.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:21am
816: Daria says:

I love my sadness…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:22am
817: Rori Raye says:

healing – here’s my take. You’ve got so much charge on ‘dating” and “flirting” and any man you’re attracted to who plays with you for whatever reason – you can’t get clarity. You need EXPERIENCE. This guy seems like a perfect “date” – a man clearly not ready to settle down after 10 years with his wife and the clearly “transitional” girlfriend. There’s absolutely NO reason to avoid a man like this – you can flirt with hundreds of men, and they can flirt with you. It’s your intensity that’s doing you in. Love, Rori

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:31am
818: Marian says:

Rori,

Wow! I never thought you’ll personally answer my post, thank you so much for your advice. I’m taking it word by word. It IS really difficult, pain makes everything so blurry, so senseless!!

For me, it’s quite hard to separate the concept responsability from guilt/blame, weird right? It’s like if you are responsible for something, and that something goes wrong.. it is your fault, you didn’t do enough!

I need to change that, I really need to love myself again, I need to be less hard on myself, I hope one day I could see through all this and say, I did it!!

Thank You so much Rori!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:04pm
819: healingheart says:

#818
thank you for your response rori…i know that was alot of writing to get thro….and yes i am intense and i do flirt with alot of men when i go out dancing…
do you think your group coaching would help me with this intensity and charge?….i am at a stage and age where my intention is to fully heal this and move to a place of confidence, ease and joy about being me, a sexy juicey seasoned ,older woman…thats how i want to feel inside [which i do alot of the time] and what i want to emanate authentically and naturally to others, when i am not attracted to someone i am a raving siren i feel..without trying..i have read this blog alot, done some of the programs and have integrated some of the material….
its just when someone comes along who turns me on i get very anxious …given his circumstances, i was afraid if i slept with him, i would be just another notch on the proverbial belt buckle…..and i would do all the things many woman do….hurt feelings, self loathing, resentment towards myself and him…if i could just get turned on to other men and want them without getting all wonked out….that would be so refeshing….
i don’t want to [ even tho i want to] think about him anymore….he was married 30years… i know he is like a kid in a candyshop now…
would love to hear your next response….
thank you!
ps i didn’t feel right to sleep with him when his wife was alive, or when he has a girlfriend…..even tho i think it would have FELT really right!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:59pm
820: Radlove says:

Today was really productive. I’m doing better at focusing on my life, staying on my bridge…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 3:27pm
821: Femininewoman says:

healingheart – I invite you to join us on the newest thread.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:16am
822: Sirenesse says:

Hi Rori, while I appreciate and read some of the continuing discussions from the various sirens, I find it rather distracting and disappointing when I find a very interseting article relating to a particular matter of interest, but when I roll down the page to see others’ comments on the subject, I only see the continuation of ongoing chat from pervious threads. This has been quite frustrating as when I look up a topic area, I can no longer find a related thread below!!! Rori, it would help tremendously if tge sirens had something like a Siren’s Forum where the discussions are contained which would perhaps allow the comments under the articles relating to the topic at hand. Thoughts????

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:38pm
823: Rori Raye says:

Sirenesse – we’ve tried many things on this blog, threaded replies, etc – and doing it this way seems to be everyone’s preference, and so I’ve settled on it. It’s an ongoing dialogue between us all. I don’t want to turn this into a “forum” – it’s a community, and we communicate in conversation, without regard to the topic of the post – I know it seems random, but once you get into it, and stay with the conversation, it works so much better. This way – you can work on whatever comes up for you, and there’s someone here to talk to. If you want to get the full conversation as it happens to your email or phone, sign up for the comments (you can always unsubscribe yourself). It’s sort of a huge long texting conversation! Love, Rori

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 10:00am
824: Sirenesse says:

Thanks for your response, Rori. I will attempt to follow your suggestion on if and when I’d like to follow the communal conversation. However, I highly value the subject areas chosen in your articles and sometimes wish there was more information and/or siren feeback on these topics.

Thanks again,
Sirenesse

Tuesday, 16 October 2012 @ 2:49pm
825: Mairead says:

I’d really love & think I could benefit a great deal from being active on the blog here but I’m lost as to how to begin, there are a myriad of topics and I have never blogged before.

Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:39pm
826: Nadia says:

Had to share my story. I had just broken up with a guy that for four years thought he was the one. This was my second time around in this relationship and I could never move on. Every guy was compared to him. I always thought that I was unworthy of such a wonderful man. When I broke up this second time I was heart broken. I knew I deserve better than the treatment he was giving me. I felt so stuck and loss. I happened to stumble on rori’s program. I subscribe to the emails and something clicked. I picked myself up and got back on the saddle. I started to circular date for the first time in my life. I always believed you should date one person at a time and get commitement fast as possible. Well that got me heart ache and grief. Now I date multiple guys at once and get to know them first. Having options allows myself to see clearly. I am no longer trying to make a guy fit by excusing things I don’t like. For example, if he had a job, a car but didn’t call so much I settled (well not any more). If I guy doesn’t call back it’s not a big deal I move on to other options. Yet, the funny thing happened they do call and I didn’t have to freak out and over analyze. Even the stupid need to rush into intimacy is gone. I am the prize and these guys have to prove that they are wrothy into me. I meeting wonderful people and you know what many of them don’t fit and that’s ok. I am dating a wonderful sweet man who is not my normal type but is turning out to be someone of quality. I would have never known he was out there if I didn’t try dating and just seeking what I like and don’t like. Now I have the attitude that dating is just practice til I meet the one….. Thank you my lost soul isn’t so lost anymore

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:44am
827: Rori Raye says:

Nadia – BRAVA to YOU! Love, Rori

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:59am
828: Vel says:

This is a wonderful article.:-) I always love reading from this blog, it is full of so much awesome insight:D

I feel really inspired by Rori, and all she does, she speaks from her heart and shares a higher purpose that makes such a difference, it strengthens all our hearts as women with her truths and allows all of us to make better choices based on great tools and principles.It can feel scary trusting principles rather than doing our old ways that continued not to work, but trusting this new way..it feels better, and it feels good to start to love ourselves as women and to no longer feel like we need to chase it, prove ourselves, hide parts of ourselves or earn it by giving and putting up with less, instead…now we can simply be…and in “being” we start to let in better love..what a great choice that is

It makes me feel inspired to write better music too, I am a song writer sometimes I wonder..If I hadve had a perfect upbringing, perfect parental role models and understood principles when I was younger I may not have chosen the wrong men in the past who I allowed to treat me hurtfully and back then I used to put up with it until I’d feel humiliated and bad about myself, yet still hoping for ‘love’… but thats the past, which is a blessing ..

..and I feel glad that these awesome articles feel so encouraging and uplifting and are filled with great practical advice too…and although it’d be nice to think if none of us ever experience heartaches and making those old mistakes which lead to feeling humiliated or hurt.. in a way… having these experiences in our past only makes us feel stronger eventually and appreciate great love as we keep growing as women… making better and better choices.. even if they don’t always feel good in terms of what we have been used to doing…& as long as first and foremost..we are choosing ourselves…feeling our feelings and walking on with our head up knowing we are beautiful and enough as we are.

. I’ve recently been struggling with feeling “unloved” and alone, and these tools are helping me in making better choices out of old ruts. I often feel alone as christmas starts to come around because I dont have a close family and even though I chose to spend last christmas alone, this christmas I need to feel brave enough to do something, spend it with people,letting love in…
As Christmas starts to come around…us women can start to feel the niggle to start “over-giving”….
This article has also made me feel inspired to keep on “not giving” to my ex, which always resulted in “nothing” but me feeling regretful anyway… and time to get my focus right….back on feminine energies.. another great choice

And doing these principles definately weeds out the boys from the real men… and it is amazing how fast the boys run when their mask is uncovered ha….

So trusting the tools and learning to feel confident enough to let safe love in is a great thing….self-love, which does not always feel easy.. however with these tools..it is about trusting our good boundaries, following our feelings ,choosing our words and being surprised..(Love that manta ) … and riding the waves even if we feel we are riding them all alone.
It is definitly all learning and bridging to our happy endings

Thanks for reading, have a wonderful day, wishing you all the absolute best in all ways.. Keep on choosing you…
Kind regards
Love Vel

Thursday, 22 November 2012 @ 7:00am
829: Rori Raye says:

Vel, Welcome, and thank you so much for this amazing post…I look forward to learning more about you and hearing more from you…Love, Rori

Thursday, 22 November 2012 @ 9:28am

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