As a man over 40 recently said to me “A man wants a woman who can give him a boner.”
Sounds so crass. So basic. So what we’ve always thought and feared about man, doesn’t it?
And yet I believe him.
So what exactly does this mean for you?
If you’re in your 20s and he’s in his 20s that means that almost any woman he sees can give him a Boner.
He’s free to roam about the country. He’s free to roam about women-kind. And what he needs from you is something extra: This is where the emotional content of being a Modern Siren really carries the day – because your Modern Siren-ness IS your “hotness.”
It separates you out from other women on a deeper level of attraction.
If you’re in your 30s and he’s in his 30s the same may apply. He may be a little picky here in terms of personality and whether not you have “class” as well as “hotness,” but essentially, he needs to FEEL something when he sees you.
This is where being a Modern Siren is crucially important – because this is the point in his life where he’s actually thinking about what it would be like to have a wife.
Whether it would help him in his business. Whether it would enrich his life. Whether or not he wants children.
Now if you’re in your 40s and he’s in his 40s or 50s or 60s, we have a completely different scenario.
We have a scenario where a man does not trust his boner. He does not trust his body to get him hard. His testosterone is waning.
His fantasy life, however, is still going strong. He wants what you want – excitement, thrills, sex – someone who turns him on.
At the same time – he needs safety – and these two needs can seem very contradictory.
This is where you need to be so skillful. This is where your understanding of what he needs and how he needs it – WITHOUT giving up your sense of self and the confidence that goes with it – becomes so important.
This is where turning a man on GLOBALLY is really crucial.
You can’t just “use” your body or your personality or your brain or your success.
And here are some things that will absolutely not give him a boner and not turn him on at this point:
- Cleaning house well, looking after him, over-functioning, over-nurturing, giving more than he does, asking him how he feels…
- Making him more important than you are.
- Making him better than you are.
- Making his needs more important than your needs. Or…
- Feeling as though you need him desperately.
- Being Clingy.
- Getting upset by his behavior.
- Feeling defensive.
- Letting your insecurities lead you.
(If you’ve seen the book “Porn For Women,” and it turns you on – know he’s the exact opposite!)
This is where your confidence and your ability to “wrap him around your little finger” are absolutely critical.
These are the skills I want to teach you – and they’ll help you differently in your 20s and 30s and 40s in your 50s and 60s and your 70s.
Attraction doesn’t really change for man.
It just gets more challenging to create.