I hope things are going wonderfully with you. :o) I want to start off by telling you that I ordered your super special buy-all-your-programs deal and I sooooooo love it!! I am happy to take my Rori-time every morning on my drive to work.
I completed Toxic Men last week. I realized that my favorite guy is indeed “toxic”. It’s funny because I love dealing with him because I’m so great at handling it. …my gain. I get to say: “I’m super at dealing with difficult guys.” lol
Now I am listening to Commitment Blueprint again. I heard something on there that prompted me to write you. I remembered, some time ago, explaining to my girlfriends who I have been “coaching,” how drama was different from expressing negative feelings. (One thing is for certain… no one wants to be considered “drama”.) Tell me what you think of the explanation I gave.
Feelings are ones response to an event. They live “inside” ourselves. Emotions are our response to feelings and the demonstration of our feelings. They are visual evidence of feelings. Emotions are “outside”… others can see, for example….emoticons. Drama is created when we involve others into our display of emotions.
I felt I needed to establish a clear difference between the three, as we are all so hung-up on not being “full of drama”. Not wanting to be “full of drama” should not exist at the expense of not expressing ourselves authentically. I have to remind my girlfriends how it is “ok” and well within their rights to have negative feelings and express them “safely.”
I let them know that it is actually attractive to a man when he has an opportunity to help you feel better and recover from feeling poorly. Men really do want to be able to do that for us and they want to feel that they can take care of us.
Rori, what do you think? Am I guiding my friends down the right track?
I would love to hear from you….Diana”
Diana, Thank you for this – For me, and for our purposes in the Rori Raye methodology – it’s much simpler:
Feelings and emotions are the same thing.
They are feelings and emotions – sensations, energy waves, experiences we feel on our insides and in our body, and they co-exist with and are ENGENDERED by thoughts in our head – but NONE of that is important or helpful.
Understanding this MENTALLY is NOT helpful.
What’s important AND helpful is to simply love that, as a woman, you are an emotional creature.
You are alive with feelings. Period.
It doesn’t matter WHAT you’re feeling – because you’re actually feeling a LOT of things ALL at the same time!
This is “The Soup.” Everything’s happening at once – and the only reason we pick ONE feeling out of the pack is that we FOCUS on one feeling – usually, in my experience – out of HABIT.
And, as we choose the same feelings to FOCUS on, over and over again, we create neural pathways and MORE habits that make us choose those feelings again and again.
In other words, we choose misery instead of joy – when, if we really allow it – we can see that it’s ALL in there.
I might feel miserable about something a man said, and I ALSO feel ecstatic about being able to walk and move my arm and BE ALIVE! I just don’t focus on that, I focus on the pain.
This is all habit, and early life survival skills, and psychological stuff that’s not important to go into.
Undoing it is what we’re about – undoing the habits of where we focus, where we’re “coming from” when we express ourselves.
So – knowing that we’re feeling a lot of different feelings at the same time, and that we all seem to choose certain feelings, and then make up stories about those feelings in our heads, where they combine with our beliefs about ourselves and the world…it turns to DRAMA – IF we are NOT IN TOUCH with the emotions/feelings.
In other words – drama is what happens when you can’t feel your feelings/emotions – when you can’t OWN your feelings/emotions.
When you can’t LOVE and accept and acknowledge and HEAR your feelings/emotions.
It’s something we do to RID ourselves of them. To VENT them, to make them GONE. And we do it in a way that we BELIEVE has worked for us in the past, in our childhoods.
If I can’t feel pain, and joy, too, and love – then I’m going to “act out” like the 2-year-old me who lives inside me with all my other “parts.”
I’m going to focus on the only feeling I can feel (and often that feeling, let’s say of “anger” or “hurt” isn’t a feeling at all – but a mental idea of some experience you’re having that is bringing up an old experience and “layering” that “sense” of a feeling on you.
Most often, you’ll “tantrum” inside and do drama when you feel powerless, like the 2-yr old-inside you, and are trying to “right the ship” in the only way you habitually know.
Drama is EXACTLY what it means in show-biz – it’s an ACT!!!
It has nothing to do with expressing actual feelings or emotions.
It’s a dramatic ENACTMENT of what our thoughts, habits, and sensations are TELLING us is a feeling, but it isn’t.
I can go into this more by actually demonstrating.
For instance – what I’m actually feeling might stream tears down my face, curl my lip in an angry snarl, and course through my body like lightning. NOW – if I just say THAT – I’m expressing the feeling, the emotion, the sensations.
As soon as my brain decides – WHAT THAT’S ABOUT – “he hurt me,” “that happened” I’m no good,” – “he doesn’t love me…” any number of things…then we start choosing these thoughts as real, create MORE emotions and lighting – and if we don’t express that as “wow, I’m really feeling triggered, I want to stomp all over you…”
We’ll start to go to (mentally, physically, tension-wise, every which-way) as “YOU hurt me, YOU don’t love me, WHY is this happening…”
In other words – a 2 year old in a candy store, whose mother just told him he couldn’t have ANYTHING – may FEEL upset, abandoned, hungry – and those feelings may make him want to yell, cry, pound the floor in frustration.
This he does because that’s the only way he can RELEASE those feelings.
For a grown up – this is DRAMA. Because we have words. We have means of expression that a 2 year old doesn’t have.
We can say – wow, I really want that candy, I feel so frustrated I want to scream. I want to jump up and down on this floor, and smash that glass, and pound you into the ground for making me feel this way, for triggering me.
So – you see – the DRAMA has NOTHING to DO with the FEELINGS and Emotions!!!
It has to do with the way you EXPRESS them!
One way is mature and heart-felt and grown-up and direct and expressive and girl-like.
DRAMA comes from feeling powerless, helpless, and railing against the world like a helpless child.
Simply. Once you learn how to express your feelings – it doesn’t matter WHAT you’re feeling!
It’s ALL good. All wonderful. It gives you a chance to discover MORE feelings you didn’t even know you had, but were covering up all because you jumped into the old habit of DRAMA before you even got the chance to breathe and find out what was REALLY going on inside you.