When to NOT Say I Love You

“Rori, Am I allowed to say “I Love You” to him, or does that put pressure on him?

I’ve been struggling with this for almost a year now, especially after having sex. That is the time when
I most want to say ILY. I did say it once, about 8 months ago, and he shyly responded “me too”.

It just feels sooooo strange to not say it, especially after our intimiate time together. How can I respect his desire to take it slow and still get my needs met? I’m afraid to say it, because if he doesn’t say it back, it will hurt so much.
Thanks, Nicole”

Here’s my answer:

The “problem” is not about saying I love you. A woman who feels like a Rock Star Free Spirit can say and do anything.

The problem comes with wanting to hear I love you back.

So – now we’re into Giving to Get.

We’re saying ILY in hopes of jogging him to say it back.

We’re hinting.

It’s not a genuine, freely given, spontaneous ILY…it has strings attached.

And that’s where the problem is.

So – can you work within yourself to be able to say I love you freely? Without strings? Without pressure? Without the “vibe” of wanting to hear it back?

Pretty hard, isn’t it. Challenging – to say the least. Just forming the words brings up fear – even after 20 years of marriage.

Fear that he won’t say it back…he’ll say “I know,” or nod his head or say “Thank you” or “That feels good.”

Fear that rejection of some kind and a slap in the face await you the moment you open your mouth and say those three words.

If, in a moment of passion, you feel it, and you don’t give a flying fig if he says it back, then blurt it out! Blurting is a sensational thing to do at almost all times!

And if you just can’t – if it feels wrong, if you sense that you want him to say it back, you just want to get that ILY ball rolling…

…how about this?:

“Hi, I have a problem, and I need your help. I want to tell you I love you. I want to say it, and I can feel myself holding back because I’m afraid I’ll push some buttons in you because – honestly, truly, being totally honest with you and myself – even more than wanting to say I love you, I want to hear YOU say i love you to me…and it’s just a scary thing to even think of saying. So…It doesn’t feel good to hint around or say I love you hoping you’ll say it back..so this is sort of un-romantic, but I just want to tell you I love you, and yes, I wish I could hear it back, but that’s not why I want to say it…so I’m going to say it and then walk away, so that I can feel good about not having any expectations…”

Then you say...”I love you” and smile, and turn around and walk away!

Pretty straightforward.

You say exactly what you feel. No confusion, no hinting, and no standing around waiting for a reaction.

After you blurt out “I love you” – you can even say,

“Now I’m feeling confused, so I’m going to walk away, and it’s not because I don’t want to be here with you, I just don’t want to feel like I’m expecting some kind of answer, because I’m not. I just love you.”

And then you smile and walk away.

To see how this works on YOU…try it in your living room.

Imagine your man standing in front of you, and try the Speech.

See how you feel.

You might laugh.

When you actually deliver the speech, he might laugh, too…

Let me know how this feels…

Love, Rori

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425 Comments to “When to NOT Say I Love You”

  1. 1: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Top of the world! And a damn fine morning it is!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 8:19am

  2. 2: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve decided that men don’t realize what they have until they watch it walk away. My ex bf texted me Saturday, Sunday, and yesterday. Why couldn’t he do this before I broke up with him? I feel for it once, it won’t happen again!

    Other than that, I have been emailing like crazy responding to men on OK Cupid and POF. I sure hope some real dates come of it!

    It is SO nice to just be enjoying my life and do what I want to do – no matter if it is cleaning my apartment, or working out, or taking a bath or just reading and enjoying my alone time!

    For those of you in Rori land that have Modern Siren – is it worth the investment? With the holidays coming up, I may have extra money to play with!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 8:34am

  3. 3: femenergyluv*No Gravatar says:

    Another reason to not say it is when you want him to shut up about whether you love him too.I’m stuck guys,with a guy that was really nice in the beginning,i loved his soft ways because i had never been with anyone like that before,now all i get is a lot of feminine energy from him and its killing me,i’m circular dating and now i’m having to answer why i am.i feel unsafe,i feel i cant trust his decision making,i cant trust that he would make good decisions concerning our home in the future.i hate to have to hear the whining all the time.when i need space i get ‘but i feel better to talk about everything,it makes me feel closer to you’ it makes ME want to barf.ugh…………

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 8:34am

  4. 4: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    *Good Morning :)

    I’m good at this! I tell everyone I love them…..even the deli guy! I don’t even expect a thank you in return but I do get lots ‘a smiles ;)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 8:40am

  5. 5: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita Show,

    Awww, that’s sweet!

    I really like this article! It really helps me clarify my thinking about that. I know I told Ryan “I love you” too often, but, even tho it would have been nice to hear it more often from him, I still feel good about most of the times I said it…it came from the heart, and I just wanted him to know.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:02am

  6. 6: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hadassah,

    So far, my favorite program of Rori is “Commitment Blueprint”. Do you have that one? I also highly recommend Modern Siren!! I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it has a lot of visualization tools to work on your self-image and femininity! I really like the way she presents it, and I feel wrapped in her love as I listen! I am water; I am air; I am a rock…etc. Go for it!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:04am

  7. 7: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Subscribing….

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:10am

  8. 8: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @1: Simply Shannon says:
    “Top of the world! And a damn fine morning it is!”

    Yes, it is! You go, SS. :D

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:12am

  9. 9: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I only have the e-book – my budget is SO TIGHT that it scares me to think of committing to spending the $40 a month for 6 months. I was thinking since I am single that maybe Modern Siren would be good since it sounds like it focuses on me and not a relationship since I don’t have one of those now!

    I think Eharmony is doing a $15 per month special for 3 months again if anyone is interested – I got emailed the trial offer this morning but you have to create a profile and take their test first to see the offers.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:30am

  10. 10: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    I say ILY a lot when SG and I are making love or in the middle of the night when I wake up and I will reach out to him and just say, “baby, where are you? I love you” and he will cuddle me and say that he loves me too. But in phone conversation, usually he will say it first before we hang up (I’ll make a point to wait till he does).

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:40am

  11. 11: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    woke up… at my new man friend’s house…

    im feeling really good an sleepy tho… i drank tequila shots and threw up a LOT last nite …

    lol

    i woke up feeling super better yay

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:56am

  12. 12: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa,

    Thinking happy thoughts of you healthy & healed and dancing with your head back, laughing.

    Love & light- Amber

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:00am

  13. 13: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    I only said ILY once in my life time and it was because the guy said it first… Of course I say ILY to my son a lot and my dog, but it is so hard to say it to someone else that is not a close relative. The closer thing to ILY I have said is “I have feelings for you”.

    I remember a guy I dated when I was in college over 10 years ago saying that he loved me and I was there just looking at him, shocked like wondering… why?

    Wow, i feel exposed now…

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:39am

  14. 14: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, So glad to hear from you! Tequila shots? Ugh. Bad memories and too much close personal attention to the toilet. ;-) Hooray to feeling good! So what’s the plan? Believing God is charting your course and all things you need will manifest for you every single day. Praying for you!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:00am

  15. 15: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I feel happy to hear from you! Glad you stayed with a man last night and are feeling better!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:01am

  16. 16: JasNo Gravatar says:

    Hadassah – I totally agree with what you’re saying. I broke up with my ex 3 days ago (after finding out he was cheating) and now it’s non-stop texts and phone calls…argh! I haven’t answered any of them. He even stood outside my window yesterday calling my name! I just ignored that too. He hasn’t shown me that much attention in months, now suddenly he can’t stop thinking about me. I wish he would just focus on the tramp he’s been sleeping with and leave me alone. UGH. I feel sooo mad!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:01am

  17. 17: JasNo Gravatar says:

    I started working with Rori’s e-book today. I really like it. I have a question though..the parts where she is asking us to list good qualities about our man and to stop thinking the negative thoughts about him – do I still have to do those parts even if I am sure I don’t want to continue the relationship? Is there a point to me doing this?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:05am

  18. 18: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Jas,

    No, I don’t think that applies to you.

    I think that is more for a relationship where a woman is trying to be more feminine with a man, more of an invitation. In the thick of a relationship, it’s too easy to focus on a man’s flaws. Then it gets increasingly sour.

    You already ended yours. With good reason.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:12am

  19. 19: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hadassah (and Jas),

    The effect you are having on your men is the effect leaning back has…the difference is you are ending your relationships.

    Often we, as women, are in a “convincer” role, trying to convince the man to treat us a certain way, to call us more, etc. It doesn’t work. The psychological effect is for him to resist more and more.

    When we walk the opposite direction, we flip the vibe of the relationship. Now HE becomes the convincer, and we are the resistors.

    That is when you can ask yourself, if you choose, if there is any redeeming value to that relationship… if it is worthwhile to give him another chance.

    What do you think or feel?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:16am

  20. 20: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Jas,

    yes, you have to do all of the exercises in the e-book.

    in his case a good quality could be that

    1. he is no longer hiding his affairs and that gives you all of the info you need to make your own decisions

    2. he knows how to pursue a woman(sometimes)

    3. he is good at showing me what I DON’T WANT.

    4. he is a messenger that is teaching me/inspiring me to want more.

    5. he has shown me my / brought to surface my own anger and that is giving me a clearer understanding of my NEW boundaries.

    6. ……….. he has just freed me from the girlfriend trap.

    7. He looks really funny dragging from the back of my horse

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:26am

  21. 21: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my new man friend is makin us breakfast… im feeling good and HELLA sleepy… still…

    probably going to go home in a bit, nap, get my hairbrush (oops) socks, change clothes… and see whatsup tonite

    i would feel good to do my laundry… i want natural detergent

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:30am

  22. 22: JasNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda- hmm, I guess the redeeming value was the lesson I learned. But I have no intention of returning to that relationship

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:33am

  23. 23: JasNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – you make some good points. Also, I love the visual of him dragging on the back of my horse. That makes me smile :)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:35am

  24. 24: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Jas,

    I am sure you are making a wise decision. And I wasn’t encouraging you to invite him back in your life. I was just letting that be your final choice. Because it’s your life.

    You are making room for a better man. So I hope you start circular dating, even if that means just dolling up and walking around town smiling and making eye contact with men!

    You seem very healthy emotionally! I wish you the best!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:38am

  25. 25: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    To Jas – Seriously? Three days ago? I wonder if it had something to do with the moon cycle or whatnot! I literally was just OVER IT on Friday. Mine didn’t cheat on me, but he did not treat me like the prize that I am. Part of our issue (that I told him about back in August when I broke it off then!) was that I felt like a part time gf in a part time relationship – we would go DAYS without contact, and then he would call or text to get together, etc. After I took him back that time, he promised to be better about it. But he wasn’t. It was a combination of things that made me decide to end it for good.

    But he is now texting me like mad. And I am not having it!

    It sure sounds like you are better off without your cheating ex! I HATE cheaters!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:44am

  26. 26: LeoNo Gravatar says:

    I really like saying ILU to my man and not to hear it back, but cause I really mean it.
    But it might also be because I want him to know. again: I want to GIVE….

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:46am

  27. 27: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: I felt crappy reading your post about the soft core porn that was right after my post about how I like to be made love to.

    Blah! That felt bad to read.

    I don’t want to try to change you or make you feel wrong. I do feel curious why I would let what you said affect me tho.

    Why would I let that make me feel bad.

    I know I’m good. I know I wasn’t out of line or over the top. I don’t want to worry about why you feel weird about it. That’s for you to figure out.

    And it’s for me to figure out why I felt bad reading your comment.

    I suspect I felt bad because I care too much what other people think of me. Well, I’m letting that go. I love myself. I believe in myself even if you felt uncomfortable with my comment. I don’t want my opinion of me to be swayed by others. I love me! I am awesome! I am a work of art.

    I love me even if you don’t.

    I don’t have to prove my love of myself by tearing you down. I don’t want to do that. But I will not tear myself down either. I am a sexual being. I like sex. I feel great talking about sex.

    I feel open and trusting and accepting. And first and foremost, I love and accept myself.

    And that feels good.

    Sometimes I wonder if I should worry more about loving others. But then I think, I need to break this pattern of letting other people’s opinion of me affect me.

    My work right now I to love myself. That is how I will be able to truly love others….by accepting myself first.

    Thank you for helping me to see that.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:52am

  28. 28: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    aw LG,

    I don’t want you to feel bad. I just wanted to confront/get present with my own uncomfortable feelings. It had been a cumulative effect…I noticed I would flinch a little at some of Brenda’s exchanges/jokes with Lucy and Katarina, then I felt super grossed out by Katarina’s dialogue between her and sg, then once we got to the “unfortunate results of a too large man on a woman’s anatomy” I had just maxed out at my threshold…..I am very ok one on one with my gf’s but when this stuff is written in what i * sense as vulgar on a public forum I feel squeemish and my mind gets filled with too many images and feelings- but I’m an INFP introvert…..so it is just intense for me…..I don’t want to make any one wrong but I do get triggered by it…. it feels like “locker room” chat and I’m the one that usually walks away or leaves the room…. I also feel uncomfortable watching commercials advertising tampons or vagisil….I’m eating icecream and snuggling with mr.big and here is this buzz kill- private sh*t being advertised …. I mean, really?

    ok…i have to wash the dog……

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:12pm

  29. 29: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    OH NO PLEASE HELP!
    a man i have the biggest crush on in the world asked me to go salsa dancing with him tomorrow (1st date), but i feel very very uncomfortable dancing in public.

    what do i say??

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:16pm

  30. 30: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    btw.

    for everyone else. Mr. Big has purchased my *feminine accessories ;) FYI I am very comfortable with the lovely changes my body goes through.

    and for whatever reason I NEVER feel triggered when Daria writes about blood. go figure?

    I just prefer discretion in public forums but I DO NOT expect any one to change the way they express themselves…..

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:16pm

  31. 31: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    D,

    say YES and get over yourself….it’s just your ego trying to piss on your cd salsa parade…put it in check :)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:18pm

  32. 32: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    “noooo i feel too nervous about dancing in public!”
    end of text.

    this is what i am going to say if no one has any other input

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:19pm

  33. 33: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really uncomfortable. i am babystepping through my public stage fright and don’t want to feel bad and challenged on a first date. i would feel like i’m leaning forward and overfunctioning just so he doesn’t think i’m stupid.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:20pm

  34. 34: JasNo Gravatar says:

    Hadassah – yup, 3 days ago. And seriously, I know the moon cycle had plenty to do with it. A friend of mine who is very into moon cycles sent me a text on 11/11/10 saying: “Jas, 11/11 is supposed to be a major shift. This cycle of change and shift usually affects 3 days before, the day the shift, and 3 days after. This moon cycle, the shift will be about things in the dark coming to the light. Just pay attention.” Well I looked at the text and thought: Hmm that’s interesting. And thought nothing more of it. Well, lo and behold on Saturday, 11/13, I discovered my ex was cheating on me. I thought wow, these moon cycles are no joke, huh? LOL

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:20pm

  35. 35: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry nikita i pressed send about ‘if no one has input’ before i read your comment:)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:21pm

  36. 36: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i have composed a text:
    Noooo I don’t want to! I feel way too nervous about dancing in public. . .What do you think?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:25pm

  37. 37: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    omg what if he’s reading this cuz you can find me now with my email address on google, and seeing what an uber dork girl i am crushing on him.

    f*ck!

    no me gusta

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:26pm

  38. 38: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea:

    brainstorming on some ideas

    oooooo! I feel intimidated by the idea of salsa but I would love to get together with you.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:27pm

  39. 39: LeoNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: yeah, i would stick to LaughingGoddess’ answer.
    Be honest about your feelings. But all of them.
    So that you are intimidated by dancing in public (salsa) but also that would really like to go on a date with him.
    So try what

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:33pm

  40. 40: LeoNo Gravatar says:

    (sorry, typo)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:34pm

  41. 41: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: what about just doing it! Just facing your fears and doing it anyway? Could be fun!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:34pm

  42. 42: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe start with the positive feeling and end with negative

    I feel excited to go out with you yet intimidated by the idea of salsa. What do you think?

    What do you all think? Does this version feel softer/better?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:39pm

  43. 43: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @27: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…Nikita: I felt crappy reading your post about the soft core porn that was right after my post about how I like to be made love to…”

    If it means anything to you, I thought it was wonderful, cozy and really, really sweet! I never thought “porn.” I thought loving, kind, cozy and sharing. It’s really inspiring and encouraging to read there are men who enjoy cuddling and pleasing their partners.

    This afternoon I’ve been wondering if the pool of men that is left is overstocked with EUM and ultra kinkos. I am feeling sad and low. Maybe I should try to go back and find your post; it was a happy one.

    I had a shock: I was going through CL ads and ran across a BDSM ad and did a double take with the included pic. I swear it’s a guy that I’d been e-mailing during last summer. A different pic but…I’m about 80% sure it’s the same guy; I never met him IRL but I know the pic he showed me is several years old and the guy in ad would be just about exactly what he’d look like now. I felt a little sick when I read the ad.

    I was dismayed. I won’t be dating him and even if it’s not the same guy, the idea of what’s out there online was very disheartening. I know I’ll perk up in a couple of hours but it’s put me in a bad mood and just about ruined my afternoon. A little creepy and scary too.

    Has anyone else had an experience like this?

    S:V

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:40pm

  44. 44: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks lg. you’re my savior today

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:40pm

  45. 45: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i kept it simple with your first suggestion lg. thanks!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:40pm

  46. 46: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @34: Jas says:
    “…11/11 is supposed to be a major shift…the shift will be about things in the dark coming to the light. Just pay attention.”

    Wow!!! You can say that again!!! The shocking BDSM ad was put up night of November 11th. I saw the old CL ad because I put in ages and it came up. Wow!!!

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 12:51pm

  47. 47: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Blurting is a sensational thing to do at almost all times!” RR

    :D

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:12pm

  48. 48: girlNo Gravatar says:

    Johnny would like to reconnect over a cocktail or two. He says that things are a lot different than they were when we last chatted. He lives in a downtown artsy area that he’s sure I would like. He thinks I would love Boston.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:19pm

  49. 49: girlNo Gravatar says:

    I LOVE to BLURT!!!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:20pm

  50. 50: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    SLV — What is BDSM?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:23pm

  51. 51: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess,

    Nikita has a similar reaction to what she calls mushy song lyrics (incl WH’s!! boo Nikita!)….

    so, when I read her feelings about the erotic comments, I thought, “Oh, here’s another thing that Nikita has an aversion to, okay, that’s interesting.”

    My personal aversions mostly involve toilet humor. Ick. Especially at the dinner table!! (which my sister unfortunately enjoys!)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:24pm

  52. 52: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nothing against you at all, Nikita!!! I totally respect that different people love/hate different things! (My kids don’t like WH’s songs either. :) )

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:25pm

  53. 53: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @50: Renee says:
    “SLV — What is BDSM?

    Bondage, discipline, dominance/submission, sadism and masochism. It’s not my world so I don’t know all the variations; I think there are many. The ad I saw was actually for D/s and M/s. The small “s” indication submissive which is generally applied to the female and the guy was seeking a female “s” and he described himself as a well experience dominant.

    A couple weeks ago when I was asking about POF and online dating in general, BarbinOz mentioned POF had these kind of forums. I’ve never seen them.

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:32pm

  54. 54: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Renee

    typo, I meant well experienced dominant.

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:33pm

  55. 55: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Renee

    The M/s is also “master-slave.”

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:34pm

  56. 56: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    I am cool with bdsm- I feel curious about this

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:38pm

  57. 57: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    D, as a retired police officer, has handcuffs. We never used them though.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:39pm

  58. 58: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @56: The Nikita Show says:
    “I am cool with bdsm- I feel curious about this”

    Is this your world? Could you tell us more?

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:40pm

  59. 59: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Did anyone read EMK’s “hypocrite” letter? I haven’t opened it, am wondering if there’s anything good in it….

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:40pm

  60. 60: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @The Nikita Show

    Only now noticed username. Are you “Nikita?” Or another poster?

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:44pm

  61. 61: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    “After you blurt out “I love you” – you can even say,

    “Now I’m feeling confused, so I’m going to walk away, and it’s not because I don’t want to be here with you, I just don’t want to feel like I’m expecting some kind of answer, because I’m not. I just love you.” ”

    Or you can say: “I hate this! I say these things spontaneously and then instantly realize I wish like crazy you would say it back. Do you think you are the kind of man who can/will consistently say it back…or even better, say it first?”

    And if he’s NOT then evaluate whether or not it’s a deal breaker for you. If he is and just didn’t realize it was happening, watch him shine…. :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:52pm

  62. 62: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #34 Jas

    Interesting about the moon stuff, I have felt a lot of “darkness” here just the last wee while and when the blog gets like that I tend to withdraw and keep out of it, how long is this particular cycle going to last for?

    I have noticed this before on here too……

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:55pm

  63. 63: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Woops sorry didn’t see where you said 3 days before and after 11/11 – mmmm must have been the leftover stuff still simmering…

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 1:57pm

  64. 64: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #43 SLV

    Ach I wouldn’t worry too much, he would probably be another who emails back and forth…back and forth…back and forth….never really getting to meet anybody in real life, you know like those imaginary men that are not in front of you. Maybe he has a imaginary BDSM life too :)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 2:01pm

  65. 65: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #29 Dorothea

    Oh please tell me this is the man that jumped off the bus and ran down the street after you to get your phone number, that is a little romance story I played in my head when you told us, kinda like an ad on the TV for ..I don’t know….chocolates, or mobile phones or flowers or something…..anyway I liked the sweet image. :)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 2:04pm

  66. 66: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    http://forums.plentyoffish.com/

    “A couple weeks ago when I was asking about POF and online dating in general, BarbinOz mentioned POF had these kind of forums. I’ve never seen them.”

    They are not BDSM threads per se just people talking about EVERY thing under the sun, quite the eye opener just looking at how very different views from yourself other people can have…..as I said I got hooked on the cross-dressing thread, because I just don’t understand it I suppose……..and I am nosy (Gemini) :D

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 2:10pm

  67. 67: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @64: BarbinOz says:
    #43 SLV
    “I wouldn’t worry too much…Maybe he has a imaginary BDSM life too …”

    Oh, Barb I won’t be involved in any way! This is a long distance guy that poufed on me months ago. He e-mailed forever, asked for phone number, never called; I think some years too young for me and I considered friend rather than love interest. But the ad was definitely for a real life D/s or M/s LTR.

    @66: BarbinOz says:
    http://forums.plentyoffish.com/
    “…as I said I got hooked on the cross-dressing thread, because I just don’t understand it I suppose……..and I am nosy (Gemini)…”

    I’m nosy too. And now sadly (for me) wondering if men unmarried past 50 are more likely to prefer these worlds.

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 2:32pm

  68. 68: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    the nikita show is the show i produce, write, direct, and star in ;)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 3:08pm

  69. 69: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I just effin love this B*YOTCH :)

    SHE ROCKS :shock:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrmHY7VWRH0&feature=related

    pat allen..the first 30 seconds had me smiling

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 3:24pm

  70. 70: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @68: Nikita says:
    “SLV,
    the nikita show is the show i produce, write, direct, and star in…”

    “Work your show!… ” I’m trying to pull myself together so I can work mine…

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 3:25pm

  71. 71: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    HAHA— more pat allen :)

    attention SS and Mercedes….

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 3:25pm

  72. 72: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z5y1EPoDms&NR=1

    for ladies ……hehe

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 3:26pm

  73. 73: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    attention: pat allen on alcohol

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOsWN2XHSp8&NR=1

    30seconds…

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 3:28pm

  74. 74: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    and this is pat on OXYTOCIN…. Lucy? Girl? who else like Oxytocin info?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIgBC0-OJWM&NR=1

    best verbal illustration I’ve seen on oxytocin…

    SLV?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 3:34pm

  75. 75: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    Thanks for coming to the show ;)

    as to your previous question, I don’t consider myself to be in the BDSM world…I just feel comfortable with the idea and any discussion….. I’d also consider myself a ‘sub’ hehe…. but I could Dom if I saw a payoff or was begged by someone who intrigued me.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 3:37pm

  76. 76: AngelNo Gravatar says:

    What if you are in love with a guy before you start dating him? How do you lean back?

    I was in college with guy 14yrs ago. Wasin love then but never told him. We met at a party recently after all these years and started dating. I had the same feelings as back then. It was impossible to lean back I lost control of my feelings and made a mess of everything. I was very spontaneous one night and told him to meet me for drinks after a wedding (we were both attending separate weddings) and he turned me down because it probably seemed strange to him and premature and the I got angry and reacted critically. And then downhill…..

    He is the most magnificent man I know. So proud also. And I am a stupid little girl.

    He was the love of my life I am devasted…..

    Sadly I believe he was the best man I will ever meet.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 3:52pm

  77. 77: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @75: The Nikita Show says:
    “SLV, Thanks for coming to the show ”

    Thank *you*! But I’ll have to mark my place and come back later for the videos.

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 4:09pm

  78. 78: JasNo Gravatar says:

    BarbinOz – Let’s see..the cycle was supposed to be at it’s height on 11/11. They say it’s usually 3 days before and 3 days after the height of the cycle is how long the strongest effects last. And then of course things are shifted to a different place in general until the next big shift comes along. I been hearing stuff about next month more changes happening on 12/12 but I don’t know the details yet. I will have to talk to my friend

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 5:04pm

  79. 79: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Roflmao-
    I think Daria would laugh at this one ;)

    more pat allen – “are we inside out?,men with vaginas and women with penis’s” –

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdCN7SU88-A&feature=related

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 5:25pm

  80. 80: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    well, in good news, the one guy i’ve felt consistently and utterly in lust with since i laid eyes on him asked me out today.

    in ‘bad’ news, LI is not paying much of any attention to me. I am getting the feeling that unless i’m being dramatic and cruel, it’s hard to keep his attention. this is his issue. I’m not going to be dramatic or cruel anymore so he will probably readjust soon. but as he’s not calling, other men are!

    and the guitarist from my favorite local band just contacted me because i was expressing distress on facebook, so he told me i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend.

    So there ARE cd’s out there for me. Here I go.

    I am feeling depressed and needy. Spamming here so I don’t reach out to LI.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 5:50pm

  81. 81: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Feel so alone
    crying
    crying crying
    don’t want to be alone
    this feels … hopeless
    lonely
    i am so alone and with no one to comfort me.
    not calling LI
    even though being alone feels so scary.
    I can’t stand it.
    I’ll just cry myself to sleep instead.
    Just to avoid reaching out to another human being who will be there for me?

    why? when they do not want to be there. but if he would come to me anyway?

    i feel so confused.

    i don’t know what to do. i don’t even know what’s right anymore. i am too lonely and confused to understand anything in this world.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 6:57pm

  82. 82: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @79: Dorothea says:
    “… i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend…
    I am feeling depressed and needy. Spamming here so I don’t reach out to LI….”

    In order to cheer you, I’ll repeat a portion of your post:

    “… i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend…”

    “… i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend…

    “… i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend…

    “… i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend…

    “… i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend…

    “… i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend…

    “… i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend…

    “… i am the coolest, most beautiful girl ever. And he is putting me on the guest list for his show this weekend…”

    Did that help?

    If not, there’s always Haagen-Dazs dark chocolate mint ice cream. That’s what I’m having as today I was not the coolest, most beautiful, nor on guest lists …maybe tomorrow… :D

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 7:02pm

  83. 83: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I am having a really hard time being alone. I don’t want to freak anyone out but I shouldnt be alone when i feel this sad and alone. but i don’t feel safe to reach out to anyone in my life anymore. especially not li. i won’t be able to trust that he just wants me so he wants to make me feel better. he’ll just be ‘doing the right thing’

    i wish he would call me so i wouldn’t b e some needy crazy depressed self hating hysterical crying piece of shi*t worthless bitch

    holy cow
    sorry everyone

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 7:06pm

  84. 84: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    80: Dorothea says:
    “…i am so alone and with no one to comfort me….”

    You are not alone. We are right here.

    Oh, Playmate, Come out and Play with Me
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLszaMafBQ4

    SLV

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 7:08pm

  85. 85: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you slv
    i am going to lie down

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 7:15pm

  86. 86: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea …. hugs, dear. I hate that alone feeling too. :(

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 7:16pm

  87. 87: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    nikita, can you elaborate about keith? i am curious if this has any bearing on my quest to ascertain if i want a fem energy man …. are you saying keith is fem energy to you?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 7:21pm

  88. 88: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    I don’t know- but I do see him as one who is manufacturing the masculine with the flannel shirt…etc. But I don’t like musicians….and I once dated one.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 7:36pm

  89. 89: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    ok, Keith is a Scorpio born the year of the goat(i avoid goats) -goat is a very artistic sign….

    I think it’s his hair- I don’t like it, something feels oily about him.

    I don’t feel *safe* with him…I feel like it will be all about HIM (celebrity aside) that he’s going to have moods…and fancies, and whims-meh! men with whims–blech.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 7:46pm

  90. 90: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    yikes!

    sometimes I *feel* like a worthless b*tch but I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway :) ??

    I love my*worthless* bit*h feelings….

    I choose to be an expensive priceless valuable B*tch anyway :) !!!!!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 7:50pm

  91. 91: Modern SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Sooo Ladies.. I am wondering what you all have to say about applying the “rules” and “techniques” to a relationship you are looking for? What I mean by that is most of the information Rori provides is how to “fix” a relationship you are already in. What pieces do you think apply to someone on a date for the first time?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 8:05pm

  92. 92: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    aw i feel safe with whimsical artisitic men. what can u tell me about a gemini man born may 30, 1961, nikita astrology goddess?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 8:22pm

  93. 93: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    pretty effin HOT :)

    i am partial to the ox –

    and not partial to gemini-men, but i can appreciate them and i don’t understand anything about seducing them-
    they seem to like me and come on strong but my feeling is that they are more interested in themselves than relationship….even though i meet women that are married to them so i guess it happens.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 8:39pm

  94. 94: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    WH is the 61 gemini. My ex-h is a gemini born in 54 and he Definitely is more interested in himself than in relationship, even admitted that himself!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 8:52pm

  95. 95: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Slv: I would feel grossed out about the guy with the icky sex ad. At least u never meet IRL. Last week on POF, I saw a man I meet online 9 years ago. We had a short relationship until I realized he lied about his marital status. It was a weird sensation to recognize a past Beau online now.

    Been busy with friends & life, feel like I missed a few things around here!

    I’ve been waiting for the right moment to blurt. There have been some great ones, seemingly, but I withhold. Not sure if it’s my fear of not hearing it in return or if it is the fact I think I will make him uncomfortable.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:01pm

  96. 96: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    1954 is the year of the horse- and too much for me :)

    I dated a few horses and oh my goodness (they are partial to affairs but only because they need excitement and validation when things get humdrum or they “need to find themselves”….. or in the case of some men(the one I know) for advancement or a way out-

    I would actually stalk a gemini if I wanted him- but I feel so turned off by having to do all of the work. How did you and Gem#1 get going-? did he pursue or did you?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:04pm

  97. 97: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    nikita i like what u do with the worthless bitch thoughts. i am going to incorporate that into my life and see how it feels.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:18pm

  98. 98: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    2nd Date Report

    I beat him to the restaurant (did I mention he’s driving 1.5 hours from another state to date me? Yeah. That gets important later).

    He comes in, tells me I look amazing and kisses me sweetly – which pisses of the maitre-de. Oh well.

    We have a lovely dinner with lively discussion of books we enjoyed. He tells me he can’t believe this is only our second date. I point out that we talk every night. He grins and says “and sometimes during the day”. He says he feels like we’ve been together a lot longer.

    We stroll around after dinner holding hands and avoiding the rain.

    We kiss a bit more. He says he’d like to make dinner for me on Sunday. This means his house. Uhoh.

    We sit in the car and talk about our families for an hour. We kiss more.

    He asks if I would feel comfortable taking down my profile. I already have, but for other reasons. I say so. He says he’s going home to delete his. He says he feels like celebrating.

    I guess I look panic stricken. He holds my hands and tells me it’s okay. We don’t have to keep moving forward if I am scared. We can just stay how and where we are until I feel more comfortable. He says he wants ‘something real’ with me. That we can go at my speed and that I just need to tell him what I’m comfortable with. He says “just tell me, I’m comfortable coming for dinner, but not spending the night, or, I’m comfortable spending the night, but not moving in”. He asks “are you upset?” I say “I feel overwhelmed”. We discuss sex. I say that I feel strange about coming to dinner at his house. He says it’s dinner, not sex. He says he’ll wait for sex, but he’d really like me to stay over.

    We kiss. I leave.

    He texts me at 11:47 “Profile deleted. I feel liberated. Bless you”.

    HELP

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:29pm

  99. 99: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Oh. And he wants to take me to dinner tomorrow, since I already have plans for Thursday & Friday.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:30pm

  100. 100: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    nikita, you would stalk a gemini bc….? bc they don’t normally pursue?? my ex-h gemini pursued me but it was very easy bc i was extremely vulnerable and ultra-feminine having just released my newborn for adoption. plus he was 32 never married and was afraid ppl would start thinking he was gay if he didn’t marry soon. i was 24 and just what he needed at the time.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:39pm

  101. 101: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Heh. I’m all alone here freaking out. I can’t think and I’m sure not going to be able to sleep. 1965. Year of the snake. Hrm. Sounds kind of ominous.

    Lalalalalalalalalalala

    I feel like one of those wind-up toys that just keeps bumping into the walls.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:47pm

  102. 102: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Amber,

    Yikes!!!! OMG, that is soooooooo Aries… FAST.

    DON’T FOLD! please?

    oh but wait, I forgot something…

    *******SWOON************** ;)

    ok :D

    gush! :) ***** WEEeeeeeeeeeeee….

    sigh-

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:47pm

  103. 103: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Amber…he is courting you…can you be more specific about what you’re asking for help with? to me this all seems lovely, but i’ll help if i can.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:48pm

  104. 104: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    AMBER!!!!!

    SNAKE?????? Gasp!!!!! NOOOOOO! in a good way, really.

    if you have never slept with a snake please resist as long as you can- and still be affectionate….. PLEASE.

    YOU don’t know what man-crack is until you’ve been with a snake- really..

    I’m only JUST shaking off the effects of my 1965’er…

    (white knuckles the keyboard)

    so……have you accepted the date tomoro??

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:50pm

  105. 105: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    I feel terrified. I know this is maybe just my crap, but this is SO fast fast fast.

    He doesn’t trigger my ‘playa’ alarm bell, but I’m scared that maybe my bell is just rusty from being out of the dating scene for so long. How do you know? How do I know?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:54pm

  106. 106: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    and he’s an earth snake which is as good as a male *snake* can get ;)

    snakes are peculiar little creatures(I have inside info)

    find out what his values are…. does he have children? has he been married? how long was his longest relationship? why is he single? how long has he been dating online?

    and most importantly: How do you feel?

    Miss moon in scorpio (p.s. moon has been in scorpio)……what are your spidey senses telling you???

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 9:54pm

  107. 107: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita,

    From the way he makes my heart pound I have some idea that… yeah. He’s very… intense. But I guess the 3rd date – make dinner for me at his house thing has me a little freaked because that’s EMK’s magic date number, yes? We all magically succumb on the 3rd date?

    How long am I supposed to wait? Crap. I hate feeling stupid about this stuff. I am completely clueless about dating.

    The thing is, I don’t feel weird inside ME about it. I feel weird because of what I’ve heard & read. Does that make sense?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:00pm

  108. 108: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens
    I am relatively free today and reading through the posts.
    Rosa, this morning I woke up and I thought of you. You are in my prayers.
    Daria, hope you got some sleep and feeling even better.
    Renee, I am fine my dear. Yeah, staying with gradparents and cooking for them and taking care of them keep me busy and engaged. Also I have to do some PhD related work from morning till evening. Not getting much time to think of X. I am so so so happy that I am not thinking about him.
    I amm so so happy that I am away.

    HONEY, wont you come back?? I have got lots of things to share. I want you here on this blog. If you are reading this, please know I miss you so much here. Come back please.

    love you all
    Meemee

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:01pm

  109. 109: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita- Thank you. My spidey sense says he was telling it straight. When he was saying all the sweet things he was right up close- looking me straight in the eye.

    His values. He likes his freedom, but I don’t mean from people, I mean from constraints against traveling and doing what he likes. He loves his dog :) (a rescue) He works for himself & loves his work, but he says his god given talent is woodworking.

    We talked about marriage the other night on the phone and about how it’s a promise to be your best self, and to help your partner be their best self. He says he’s never met anyone committed to growing and learning before.

    I just realized that my problem is two things- 1) I don’t know what to think about the dating rules stuff I’ve read here and EMK etc.

    2) He says EXACTLY what I want to hear. He is EXACTLY what I’ve said I want. I guess I’m doubting the Universe on this and I should instead be thanking it.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:13pm

  110. 110: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    oooooh nikita! TN man is 1965!!! I KNEW I wanted that man in my bed!!!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:15pm

  111. 111: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita- 102

    Please tell me more! You’re just shaking off the effects!?!?

    Is this a recent development? What year is Mr. Big?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:15pm

  112. 112: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: awwww girl! I feel ya.

    I wish I could hug you and hold you and let you know how much are loved.

    Are you still awake?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:16pm

  113. 113: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Mr Big is the year of the Monkey ;)

    Monkey = Leo

    Mr.Big is very Leo! He is the Star-lol

    but he has lots of aries planets too…

    the 65 was last year….. gulp…what a friggin hassle it is to get over it….. I DO NOT regret it…. but, I still hanker for it a little- like a rogue craving….but bless him…the experience keeps me grounded with Mr Big…..hehe….I know there’s a warm bed out there just waiting for me ;)

    —unless 65 finally settles down…..and marries….but until then…he’s free game…

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:26pm

  114. 114: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    in that case, I’d be hard pressed to find out if this is just TN’s sideways walk to get you into bed without having to really “own” his feelings about it…. ?

    ………either way….tell him he has to try out for the team “(LUCY)” , before he can go recruiting his playmates *(read: gf)…. if he gets a pass; you’ll consider it– a snake is a master at seduction-when they *want * to be….. and they can get *lazy about seduction when they don’t *have to work for it.

    I’m just sayin ;)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:30pm

  115. 115: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Amber,

    ” just realized that my problem is two things- 1) I don’t know what to think about the dating rules stuff I’ve read here and EMK etc.”

    with an Aries…think popeye/olive oil…. wear skirts and keep smiling…. and don’t rush to open doors and stuff(not that you would)….

    “2) He says EXACTLY what I want to hear. He is EXACTLY what I’ve said I want. I guess I’m doubting the Universe on this and I should instead be thanking it.”

    as my lovely adorable cousin says:

    ” Sometimes God throws you a bone”.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:35pm

  116. 116: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita-

    You’re dating a LEO!?!?! I guess with a name like Mr. Big I should have had some idea, but I thought you hated them! LOL. Maybe that comes and goes depending on the day?

    So your 65 is just waiting for you too backtrack? And it sounds like… well. Fond memories, eh?

    I was wondering if you had something in Virgo that makes you squeamish about TMI? I have a low tolerance level for hearing specifics. Implied is just fine, thank you. Funny because I’m not that way INSIDE my own relationship, but I’d be super unhappy if my partner were to go telling tales…

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:39pm

  117. 117: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    BTW,

    Aries is ALL about conquering….so dinner at his place is ALL about isolating you on his territory-absolutely…….that AND he probably wants to show you his place-if he likes woodworking he probably has some stuff he’s made and wants to “show off” ;)

    hehe (((wood))) hehehe lol

    um….and…I don’t do the 3 date rule thing….I never even heard of it until Mr.Big’s friend was telling a story about his conquest…. nope….

    but I will say….. I would sleep with him even IF I didn’t get “the ONE” vibes from him…. but that is me projecting…. cuz I enjoyed 65 soooo much lol…

    but ….get to know him first…..Aries moves really really fast and you deserve to catch your breath…. see him once a week if you have to….pace yourself because he won’t and he does want to please you-remember: aries is the age of 7— so there is the spirit of a 7 year old boy inside…and he has to pinky swear before you go to his tree house…you follow??

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:44pm

  118. 118: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    nikita, what do u mean get me into bed without having to own his feelings?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:47pm

  119. 119: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG!!!! Amber !!!! I do!!!!!

    I forgot! I have a mercury in virgo in the 11th house???

    so yes, I probably have ideas about social discourse and rules of engagement when communicating-
    (cuz I am not like that with lovers or even w/ a bff, I am super open-minded and can handle A LOT of info)

    huh- yup- virgo it is…

    No, Mr.Big is Taurus with Leo rising
    I am Leo with scorpio-rising…

    so we are opposites and yet the same :)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:48pm

  120. 120: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    I am up late! Hey Nikita, if it’s not too much trouble, could you tell me about Feb 7th, 1975? What is he like? What’s the sign, etc?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:49pm

  121. 121: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    btw i told him no to 3some.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:49pm

  122. 122: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – “btw i told him no to 3some.”

    *Thumbs up* Lucy. How do you feel about that decision?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:51pm

  123. 123: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    YES!!!!

    that bothers me….when people kiss and tell…!!!

    I’d love to post my pic here-but I don’t think it’s fair to my lover…. then I’d be “telling”…. I need balance….I like sharing info but I like protecting the privacy of the people I love…..

    sigh….. Mr.Big does not like the limelight- he just likes shiny stuff and “being the boss” lol-or rather the “LEO AUTHORITY” hhahhhaaaaa

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:52pm

  124. 124: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    HI AJ !,

    um, well…this one is not so easy for me…chinese new year begins in feb.-so I think he is a tiger…. and feb 7 is aquarius –

    snake and tiger are not always the best because sometimes the tiger can require too much energy from the snake or compete with the snake in conversation…. little things…. but – Never let astrology keep you from following your heart :)

    I don’t like aquarius men but some women do- and they are wonderful thinkers and very friendly…so if it clicks….see where it goes…

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 10:59pm

  125. 125: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting…Thanks Nikita! Why don’t you like Aquarius men?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:01pm

  126. 126: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    16: Lucy says:

    nikita, what do u mean get me into bed without having to own his feelings?

    – I mean what I wrote….. “hey Lucy, I’d love to hit that”………or……….”Hey Lucy, my gf really likes girls and maybe it would be cool if you could help us out”……yawn-

    I prefer- I want to feel you ;)

    own it!!!!! you want me!!! and YOU KNOW THIS!
    hehe

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:03pm

  127. 127: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    hi AJ! I feel good about it, a lil sad too. I have been surprised that he didn’t shut down when i said no.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:03pm

  128. 128: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lucy. I’m glad you followed what was good for you and that you’re happy. But I’m sorry you feel sad. :( I love your sadness. :) Why would he have shut down?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:05pm

  129. 129: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    GRIN

    Taurus with Leo rising

    Say no more ;)

    Hehehehehehehehe

    I can not imagine what it’s like inside your head. Leo, Scorpio rising. Holy cow that’s a lot of intensity for one brain to handle. And that’s NOT an insult in any way. I’m thinking griffin type creature, really.
    *note to self: do NOT piss Nikita off, or stand on the direct line of fire when someone else has*

    Thank you for all your help (again) tonight. I really needed this. I felt like I was bumping into walls. Ah yes. His stats. 4 years is his longest relationship. Never been married. No kids. He’s been dating online for a “LONG time” according to him. I’m guessing that his version of the pinky promise was the part of the talk that involved the words girlfriend, exclusive and relationship. I am not going to quote extensively because I don’t want the wrath of the Sirens. I’m still dating myself, that’s not going to change.

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:06pm

  130. 130: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Aquarius men- I felt like I had to man up for the relationship (I almost married one) they say that they love leos -they are opposite signs on the zodiac…so the attraction id strong and unexplainable but …… I have no patience for their loopdy loo sh*t as I call it.

    I have LOTS of gemini influences and I crave earthy hyperfocused -hypermasculine men – that is my preference…. so it’s not personal, but it sort of is?

    but there are other planets at play in his chart so if things click – have fun!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:07pm

  131. 131: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    so nikita you are saying he wants me period. regardless of his gf etc?

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:10pm

  132. 132: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Nikita! I better go to bed now. Good night my lovelies. :)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:10pm

  133. 133: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Sweet Dreams Apple Jacks!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:26pm

  134. 134: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Sweet Dreams Lucy! From here it sure seems like he wants you. Period. Now he’ll just have to finagle some way to get what he wants without losing what he has…

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:31pm

  135. 135: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Sweet Dreams, Flying Lion Eagle Nikita!

    Griffins are the best mythical creatures…

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:33pm

  136. 136: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    sweet dreams everyone! thx for the fun and sharing. <3

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:37pm

  137. 137: VioletNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ! I haven’t been on any kind of forum/chat before . I just happened upon this ( rori’s) website today and started reading this thread . It is refreshing because it seems like the women here are so honest & real ~more like me and very supportive of one another-speaking in a language I can relate to : ) ! I spent a decade living & traveling overseas w/ my husband -now my x- and readjusting to this American life & culture is so hard. I am getting used to being divorced….the learning curve has been high. I am feeling wiser and more fulfilled over time , but it has taken years. Dating is a trip ! I have been hurt by men who say they want to date me and were only trying to get in my pants : ( ! Learning to love myself, be authentic and stand in my truth-not compromising . At times confused, curious, questioning, processing. Wow ! life……Many Blessings to all of you lovely womyn !!

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:44pm

  138. 138: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Nite;)

    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 @ 11:46pm

  139. 139: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #77 Jas

    Yes please ask your friend, its very interesting. I mean the moon can affect the tides and all kinds of stuff right?

    It has felt a bit dark here for a while and I have noticed I am nowhere near spending as much time here as I used to as I find that kind of energy draining……

    I have spent too many years doing all the “work” to get dragged down again, I see it is still going on on the other thread.

    Fingers in ears, la la la la…..

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:27am

  140. 140: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #81 SLV

    Ah if only somebody would say that SOON to us more senior Sirens……….didn’t Dorothea say almost every day strangers tell her she is beautiful………..

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:29am

  141. 141: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Sirens

    I’ve been looking in and following along for the last week or so, but without time to comment.

    About CD-ing – last week, had a phone call from an online man – let’s call him, Zen-man. He said he really wants to meet me, and would travel on the train today to meet me for lunch (he’s an hour or so away).

    He also said, on the phone, that he would leave it up to me to decide where we have lunch. I was taken off guard, and said “OK” but then got back on the horse a bit, and after making a few suggestions, as he doesn’t know the area at all, managed to say something about feeeling better if he would decide.

    A few days later he texted to confirm arrival time, but no suggestions about where to meet. I’ve been so in Siren, lean-back mode, that I’ve just been assuming that he will call or text to finalise the date.

    But here I am, on the morning of the lunch date, not having heard from him. I plan to go on leaning back. He seemed OK, and I was looking forward to a standard meet and greet, but not brimming over with excitement. So I could let this go, if he doesn’t contact me. Which would mean no date.

    So I feel a bit pissed off, but ONLY because I”m being a Siren here, Yes, but he doesn’t seem able to step up and firm up the final details. But also cos I’m worrying that he may end up on the train anyway, and get mad at me for not initiating with the details of the date. OH, I’m worrying too much. The trigger is: he will think less of me, for not initiating, as he has to make a journey to meet me.

    I feel uncomfortable – hate it when an arrangement is left hanging. He may be too feminine energy to arrange it, or he may have lost interest – decided it’s too far. Anything could have happened.

    I just feel uneasy . . I don’t want to, I don’t intend to, drive into the city, park, and wait to see if he texts to finalise the arrangement at the last minute. I don’t want to do that.

    But now it’s going to play on my mind all morning.
    Damn, Damn, Damn.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:39am

  142. 142: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #67 SLV

    Beginning to wonder the same myself SLV trying to even get to a cup of coffee is a bit of a hard slog at times……..are these men all married and living with homely wife, sitting in the bedroom on their laptop living some kind of fantasy life……….did you see my “story” on a thread a few months back trying to actually CD in real life not just by email? It was painful…….really it was………maybe younger guys are more gung ho, whilst the oldies can’t be bothered to do more than email/text/phone……..feeling a bit negative here, mmmmmmm maybe all these negative posts the last few days have affected me more than I realised…….

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:40am

  143. 143: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    RE Barb – post 136 – I have also felt it rather dark on some of the other threads here recently – haven’t felt able to get in to it somehow, especially as have been rather busy. But actaully, it’s not just being busy.

    I often felt/feel tempted to dive in and overfunction, when other people are having disagreements here. But it’s none of my business, if it is between other people. When there’s a bit of a fight going on, that isn’t to do with me, I have the feeling of not wanting to get caught in the cross-fire.

    Anyway, I’m supposed to be having a second date with CatMan on Sunday – he took it very well when I said I liked it when the man took charge of deciding what we’ll do, and I wait to see if he phones to confirm arrangements! Again, I’m not super-interested, but it’s good practice, and at least I’m not totally repulsed!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:47am

  144. 144: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Lorelei, if I were you I would make it easy on myself. Call him up and just plain ask. There are times to lean back, this is just for practical reason so you don’t wait around in limbo. Besides, you barely know if you are going to like him.

    You can perhaps hint -if you’re interested in him- that next time you would expect that he’d be more communicative about this.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:47am

  145. 145: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Kat – thanks for commenting. My issue is – if I lean forward and phone or text, even if we arrange something, I will feel bad. I know I will. And I will feel totally uncertain whether he still really wanted to meet up, or had lost interest but is just being polite.

    Wondering out loud though, cos in many ways, I don’t care too much what actually happens, whether the date happens or not – is it leaning forward to text saying something like – “Hi ZenMan – I wondering what to have for lunch today, and where. What do you think?”

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:54am

  146. 146: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Or even: “Hi ZenMan – I’m feeling confused! I’m wondering what to have for lunch today, and where to eat!”

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:55am

  147. 147: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #96 Amber

    Well this is how it worked pre RR you only date one man at a time and then you are exclusive within a few dates HOWEVER isn’t it supposed to be a whole new way of doing things post RR?

    I feel scared because I know myself too well and could see myself being sucked into this vortex of exclusivity because this is all I know how to do personally……..

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:58am

  148. 148: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Lorelei, remember Rori says do whatever you want just don’t expect anything in return. In your case, you know it in your heart that what you’re doing is for pragmatic reason.

    There is nothing to worry about. Why do you need to feel bad? In fact this is the time if you need to “lean forward” because later on it’ll perhaps be too much for him. Yes texting him will be fine too.

    Are you worried that he’ll judge you to be too overeager? I would add in the text “I’m okay either way, I just need to know because I don’t want you to come and I’m not prepared because we miscommunicate.” In fact it shows that you’re very considerate. I don’t think guys will have a problem with that.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:00am

  149. 149: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #99 Amber

    I am a snake too, we are lovely people……sssssss……:)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:04am

  150. 150: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    I would say “Are we still on for today? I can’t be too sure since we haven’t finalized the detail,” then add the above sentence about your feeling okay either way.

    If he responded with yes then ask him where to meet.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:04am

  151. 151: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Barb! How’s it going? Snake?!?! oooh- remember what Freud would say . .

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:08am

  152. 152: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #138 Lorelei

    Never mind Zen man!! What happened to Catman and the Lebanese restaurant, did you have some Baba Ganouche and some kebabs and some tabouli and some hummus…….oh yeah forget the yummy food……….sorry forgot….how was Catman and the date?? :D

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:13am

  153. 153: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #148 Lorelei

    Oh Freud, Schmeud, what did he know about snakes we are lovely slithery types :D

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:19am

  154. 154: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Lorelei, I am coming back to live in the UK next year, really seriously not coming back to Oz……..what do you think?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:20am

  155. 155: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Barb @149!

    I like it that you’re still here. I like it a lot.

    CatMan at the Lebanese Restaurant – the food was very very good – can’t remember the names, just the flavours. It was probably the best date so far, in my new life (man number 3) and the least repulsive so far!!! We chatted quite easily, and even started chatting all over again, after he’d paid the bill. He then walked me to my car, and kissed me on the cheek. Then texted when he got home (1 am) to say “I had a lovely evening. You are a very interesting and exciting lady!”

    He is supposed to be figuring out where we go for a pub lunch on the second date this Sunday, and letting me know.

    But, several confusing things are happening! I’m happy to go on a second date – that’s fine – and Lord knows, I need the practice!!! As long as I can practice feeling messages, I’ll feel happy. It is very hard, often, still, for me to know what I feel.

    And the big danger for me is this. And this happened on the date a bit as well. When I’m in a ‘date’ situation, I can go into a kind of beaming, smiling, warm woman mode, open and inviting and listening at level 2, which isn’t fake. BUT I’m not always in feeling mode. It’s very like what Daria called, in another context, a kind of numb amusement. A numb smiling amusement. And as I write this, an alarm bell rings somewhere. In this kind of numbness, I’m being sociable but not really in my feelings.

    Sorry – rambling on a bit! The other weird thing is that I’m feeling quite turned on – libido has a new lease of life. But it’s more by the situation, and by having contact with several men at once, rather than the specific man.

    The final weird thing is that in his profile it says he’s 55. But since the date, I stumbled across an out-of-date 2-year old profile that was clearly his, though he’s not using it anymore. The photo is one he uses on a professional site, and many of the written bits are the same. And in that profile, it says his age is 58! So I feel yukky about that – but I won’t say anything. I would want to see when he comes clean. But I feel a bit sick about it. (This is a reason for me not to lie about my age online – it could make a good man feel sick, later on.)

    And in the old profile, under a bit about “My perfect day” what he wrote was all about sex and staying in bed all day. A tad over-the-top for the profile. This isn’t in the new profile .

    So – time will tell!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:43am

  156. 156: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Barb- @ 151 – if it’s what your heart wants, do it!!!!!! If it would feel like coming home, come home! xxx

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:45am

  157. 157: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    And about ZenMan. The polite (English-polite) organising, clarity-seeking masculine part of me wants to text him. The free, feeling, inviting, receiving Siren part of me want to lean back, secure in the knowledge that any man worth his salt, any man who was going to be any part of the waterwheel in my life, would at the very least, want to contact me to finalise the date arrangements. However shy, however whatever he is, he would have the balls to make the date happen, after I’ve said it would be nice to meet, and a time and a town has been fixed, though not the place. And regardless of whose “turn” it might be to contact.

    It’s like a guy, early on, who phoned after on line contact, and said it would be nice to meet for a drink when he was back from a conference abroad. I said, yes, it would feel good to meet. But he never phoned. That’s OK. ZenMan might be the same. An arrangement half-made. But not followed through on. It’s a free country.

    I need the practice in leaning back, receiving what comes, and not reaching out, MUCH MORE than I need practice in leaning forward and and trying to clarify. I can tolerate a morning of wondering if he might text at the last minute. I have stuff I’m going to get busy with.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:55am

  158. 158: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    153 and 4 Lorelei

    Yes tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree I have done my time and I am coming home LOL!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjqBhZj_37U

    Yes God we Brits are sooo polite ha ha !!

    Hey Lorelei go and check out my posts from a few months back where the oh so interested POF guys wimped out before even a phone call never mind a cup of coffee LOL!!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:21am

  159. 159: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Barb – yellow ribbon tied!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:28am

  160. 160: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Now I really do have to go and get busy with other stuff!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:29am

  161. 161: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    So – ZenMan texted at 12.00 to say he was on the train, so hasty text conversation ensues, about where to meet – “good point” he say.

    Feel willing to give it go, willing to dash into the city and park. Also a bit pissed at the failure to make definite plans. But at least he’s responded OK to my feeling messages about where and exactly when to meet. And the date and rough time was agreed about a week ago, so he did give me plently of warning.

    Hmm “I feel unsettled that I didn’t know where to meet you till nearly the last minute, or even if would happen.”

    I feel ambivalent about this. And bit panicked. Fortunately, I had already dressed like a Siren. Like the artist Siren that I am. A bit quirky and unusual, but this is how I dress normally.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 4:17am

  162. 162: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa

    Thinking of you and hoping all went well and you feel as comfortable as can be.

    Sending love xxx

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 4:23am

  163. 163: LonePlumNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa

    Thinking of you and hoping all went well and you feel as comfortable as can be.

    Sending love xxx

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 4:36am

  164. 164: LonePlumNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa

    I first posted as Plum instead of LonePlum and it got stuck in moderation because of the new name .

    So LonePlum it will be then, even Rori says so loooool

    ha ha ha
    Good thing that electronic stuff does not define real life. :)

    I repeated my previous post in case the moderators are sleeping at this time in their country.

    I really hope you are feeling comfortable, I am sending good juicy Plum’s vibes to you :)

    xxx

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 4:42am

  165. 165: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I was going thru a drawer the other day and found lots of notes that I had received from the man i was with before I found this blog. I read them again and sat in a pool of head shaking numbness. I wondered how a man could write such beautiful, initmate things and live them out with me… tell and show me he loved me every day….the intimacy and things we shared and did was above and beyond what I could have ever asked for or imagined in life. I had no reason to doubt his sincerity, I thought we would be together forever, (as he always signed… YOURS FOREVER…. but he turned on a dime and disappeared with a cellphone text break up.

    Today 2 years later… I wonder, what is real? A man who stepped up, told and showed me that he loved and even adored me everyday did not turn out to be real at all.

    Saying I love you…. having it said to you…. wow, after what I experienced, they could mean the same thing as “pass the salt please”.

    Linda

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:09am

  166. 166: Kathryn JosephNo Gravatar says:

    The best, “I love you,” I ever got was from my current partner. We’ve been together now for five years. We;d only known each other a month and in fact only kissed twice! But we had a really powerful connection. We were kissing – first time I’d ever been to his house – and he started to say something and then choked it back. Self-consciously, he said, “Wow, I started to tell you that I loved you! I mean, it’s way too soon for that, but I just feel such love you for you….” It was beautiful.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:40am

  167. 167: JasNo Gravatar says:

    Linda – Sometimes I wonder if people know what real love is? Maybe if they did, they wouldn’t use the words “I love you” so lightly. It’s as if it’s lost any real meaning. Sometimes it’s said as a way to manipulate. I’m not saying this has anything to do with your situation. I’m just observing some things that I’ve experienced.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:10am

  168. 168: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @107 AmberS says:
    “…2) He says EXACTLY what I want to hear. He is EXACTLY what I’ve said I want. I guess I’m doubting the Universe on this and I should instead be thanking it…”

    …and taking your time? Guy says he doesn’t mind and you have nothing to lose by going slowly. I wish I had one… :D

    @137: BarbinOz says:
    “#81 SLV
    Ah if only somebody would say that SOON to us more senior Sirens……….didn’t Dorothea say almost every day strangers tell her she is beautiful………..”

    Yes, she did, isn’t that sweet? Perhaps it means nothing to her…I know…I used to take so-o-o-o-o much for granted. I’m guessing she is under 30.

    139: BarbinOz

    Don’t know the story but since you are relocating maybe e-mails to guys in UK, and then maybe Skype, might not be a bad thing.

    BTW, thanks for the POF forum link. I took a look and saw guy started an “over 60″ thread; he seemed nice (and could spell :lol: ) so there could be lots more good ones, at least on the surface. After looking at the number of guys for me left by 5% of 10% of 10% of 10% I didn’t feel so good…but I only need one anyway so, cross fingers.

    @161: Linda says:
    “….the intimacy and things we shared and did was above and beyond what I could have ever asked for or imagined in life. I had no reason to doubt his sincerity, I thought we would be together forever, (as he always signed… YOURS FOREVER…. but he turned on a dime and disappeared with a cellphone text break up…”

    OMG! Linda, thank you for sharing this. It seems then that “turning on a dime” works both ways. This is a lesson for me that it’s very important to maintain my stance as siren. I hope you are doing well and CDing.

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:47am

  169. 169: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad that so many sirens are continuing to expend their energy on the other thread debating the meaning of what a “good enough” relationship is instead of moving into the light of the new thread.

    Maybe the shifts in the moon as of late have continued to have lingering effects, but I like it better when siren island is more full of posts that are informative, supportive and thought or humor-provoking.

    Come into the light…come into the light. Hope you all are having a great day :) .

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:35am

  170. 170: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    Totally loving this online dating thing thus far. Lots of emailing, lots of flirting, lots of feeling messages practice for me.

    The guys I am emailing with back and forth consistently with are all a few years older than me and they are all sexy. No joke. Each in their own way, but they are attractive, nonetheless. But they are all SO different – one just moved in with his parents because he got divorced last year and wanted a fresh start back in his home town, one’s a cop with two kids, one runs the MMA circuit here and is an entrepreneur… it’s just FUN.

    I love being able to eat dinner with my family, do the dishes and straighten up my parents place (since my daughter spends her day trashing it I figure it is the least I can do!) and then going home to have mommy/daughter time and getting her to bed. Then I have the night to work out and focus on ME.

    I am going to get back into drawing; I used to really enjoy it but haven’t made time for it in years, literally. I also used to spend plenty of time studying and practicing Wicca, and I fell away from that, too and feel like a chunk of my life is missing.

    I guess I have FINALLY gotten to a point where I realize I am what and who I am; I need to be me and whoever doesn’t like it or me, I sure don’t need their negativity in my life dragging me down to their level.

    I have a fabulous daughter, I am working on my career aspirations (either they are going to promote me or I am leaving the company, or I am going to go back to school and get my master’s) but I feel like all of these good things are so RIGHT THERE for me. I don’t feel lonely or alone; I am rather enjoying this period of my life! It’s about time I focused on what makes me happy! I am hopeful I find my lifetime partner sooner rather than later, but I feel complete without him, whoever and wherever he may be. :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:42am

  171. 171: siaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,
    i was buying a perfume and the woman who served me was very well dressed and made up (well, perfume shop), in her fifties, smiling, and very calmly content with herself and in tune with what she was doing at the moment (no sales vibe). I paid and went and returned from the door and said: i just have to tell you that you are really beautiful.
    I felt I had to say that, otherwise it would be like getting a gift and not say thank you:)

    I am wondering, aren’t men in your generation used to using compliments?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:02am

  172. 172: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @164: Renee says:
    “…I feel sad that so many sirens are continuing to expend their energy on the other thread debating the meaning of what a “good enough” relationship is…”

    No! They’re still at it?!!! Well…”good enough” depends upon who’s in it, doesn’t it? Too bad about that. :shock:

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:10am

  173. 173: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @166: sia says:
    “…I am wondering, aren’t men in your generation used to using compliments?…”

    No, they are. Do they not compliment you? Ever?

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:17am

  174. 174: siaNo Gravatar says:

    you mean if they compliment me?

    yes, in my case not in romantic setting, but they do.
    When you wrote : I used to take so-o-o-o-o much for granted. I’m guessing she is under 30. – did I understand wrong that you get less compliments than would feel good?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:31am

  175. 175: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    SLV and Sia-

    Compliments? Most of the compliments I get are because men say I look great for “my age”. I work out at the gym, am very slim and trim, and facially I can pass for ten years younger, (unless i am sick or really really exhausted. So even at fifty something, it is still about the looks. Pathetic as that is girls, men are visual and they like women who look good.

    Now I have also received compliments about being really really smart as well. Which is fine I guess. But woop tee doo. I already know my own brain and true or not, RR is right. Men don’t fall for you because you are an intellectual or kind or any of that other stuff.

    I checked a book out from the library called “Date Like a Man”. it is interesting. Lots of Rori like stuff in it. She says three men at once too. She calls it “a pair and a spare” I thought that was hilarious!!! lol

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:46am

  176. 176: siaNo Gravatar says:

    I was once told I am pretty clever – for a woman:)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:24am

  177. 177: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @169: sia
    I appreciate compliments and feel fine unless they are insincere and patronizing.

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:38am

  178. 178: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @171: sia says:
    “I was once told I am pretty clever – for a woman:) ”

    Charming!

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:39am

  179. 179: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @170: Turtle Girl says:
    “SLV and Sia-
    Compliments? Most of the compliments I get are because men say I look great for “my age”. I work out at the gym, am very slim and trim, and facially I can pass for ten years younger, (unless i am sick or really really exhausted. So even at fifty something, it is still about the looks….”

    That’s a marketable asset in the dating game. I don’t look my age either; I look much, much older.

    I’ve never found anyone on any dating site that looks their age, not a single one–and there must be thousands!; they all readily confess they look much younger. I am unique in this as in other ways.

    If there ever comes a time when I look younger and look my real age, I’ll be unique then too it seems…

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:45am

  180. 180: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Aw! SLV !

    I am sure you look fine!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:48am

  181. 181: siaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘If there ever comes a time when I look younger and look my real age, I’ll be unique then too it seems…’

    laughing incessantly

    you are unique all right

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:51am

  182. 182: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens

    On the subject of compliments . . .

    Well, I’ve just been on a first lunch date with ZenMan. At the end, he said, “I really enjoyed meeting you, actually.” That actually slightly takes away from the comment, as if he enjoyed himself more than he expected to, and was a bit surprised.

    It was all a bit weird as we’d made the date and time a week ago then he didn’t confirm where, until texting an hour before when he was on his way on the train. Which felt wierd. This is man number 4, in my new dating life. He talked about himself rather a lot, but I leaned back and let him ask questions. And he’s the first online man who was better looking than the picture – not at all bad for 55, in good shape, and quite rugged looking!!!! Wooohoo! Yes, quite sexy . . And he took me for a very nice lunch, at a very nice restaurant. Which was better than I had expected!

    But at the end, he suggested I contact him, and I had to do the thing of trying to indicate that I preferred he would contact me, blah, blah, blah. So I don’t know if he will . .

    But I’m REALLY GLAD I leaned back this morning, and didn’t text to try to firm up the arrangement – was even prepared to let it go. This is a big step for me, Sirens, even if it sounds fairly basic. I could have leaned back even more than I did in the conversation, but at least I leaned back some, and left some silence while he thought about what to say.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:51am

  183. 183: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    No, I tell a lie, ZenMan’s online profile says age 57 – and he seemed 54 or 55 in person. Wonders never cease. Is this a first!!!???

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:57am

  184. 184: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @ TG
    “I checked a book out from the library called “Date Like a Man”. it is interesting. Lots of Rori like stuff in it. She says three men at once too. She calls it “a pair and a spare” I thought that was hilarious!!! lol”

    LOL. Just royalty’s an heir and a spare :lol: I like that book already. I’m going to pull up my library site right now to see if I can find it.

    tick tock tick tock

    Wonder of wonders, as I often say, it’s already on my book reserve list!!! Hmmm, I bet someone here already mentioned it… KP maybe? You? I look forward to reading it.

    I still have the Jane Juska books to read–have you read them–and I’ve renewed them countless times; I have too many things checked out, about 25!

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:58am

  185. 185: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @TG

    I meant “Just LIKE royalty’s ‘an heir and a spare’…”

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:00am

  186. 186: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Lorelei

    You are doing great!! Loving the dating stories. :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:12am

  187. 187: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    SLV @174

    Good wine just gets better and better . . and it’s a connaisseur that can tell that subtle difference and the subtle advantages. Yes, men are visual, but one day, the connection will come . .

    Have you started doing the tools out there in field? – you said a while back that you were going to wait a few months before launching in . . where are you up to?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:12am

  188. 188: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @177: Lorelei says:

    “…not at all bad for 55,” heehee :lol:

    ” And he took me for a very nice lunch, at a very nice restaurant. Which was better than I had expected! ”

    Do you mean you “actually” enjoyed yourself too? :D Sounds fun, a good date!

    “But at the end, he suggested I contact him, and I had to do the thing of trying to indicate that I preferred he would contact me, blah, blah, blah. So I don’t know if he will .”

    What will you do?

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:14am

  189. 189: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Barb- it’s all so new, and I only manage a bit of the tools at a time . . but I’m learning. I’ve already learnt from ZenMan that I could work on being just clearer, and unapologetic, about my boundaries – that I don’t feel comfortable calling and making arrangements – cos it’s true, and I don’t – but so hard to say.

    Hope you got my message on the other thread (the rock star one?) – you didn’t make me feel at all bad, not at all – I could have been clearer in my comment, which was about the general tenor of discussion, not about what you said.

    How are things with you?

    I’m going off to a Salsa class any minute – gosh, 2 CD opportunities in one day!! But around here for next 15 mins.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:17am

  190. 190: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    I am very taken with your energy & voice here. You approach things so calmly and pay attention to details.

    So I am bothered when I hear your NVs talking smack about you! Really. You’re a logical woman, so I get the sense that you’re going to say something along the lines of being able to evaluate yourself.

    Some factors to consider:

    This isn’t an absolute science. How old you look is completely subjective.

    The more you say this about you, the more you will believe it.

    “For my age” or “For your age” – those just crack me up. Really? There’s a baseline somewhere? Can I please have that? On second thought- I am just not interested in anyone else’s idea of what an age should look like.

    I would SO LOVE IT if you (and I) both started saying to ourselves

    I look WONDERFUL

    Why not?

    What do you say? Every time you catch yourself thinking AGE or BAD- force yourself to say I LOOK WONDERFUL.

    Better yet, lets close our eyes and conjure up the feeling of looking great, and then when we say it we can also feel it.

    It doesn’t matter if we believe it right now. If we do this enough we will begin to.

    I don’t like that I sound so bossy in this post. I feel scared that you’re going to just roll your eyes at me. But I don’t care if you roll your eyes and think I’m being suzy sunshine as long as you agree to try this with me…

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:20am

  191. 191: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @183 Lorelei

    “Have you started doing the tools out there in field? – you said a while back that you were going to wait a few months before launching in . . where are you up to?”

    I don’t know the tools, except for the gaze if that is one of them. I can do a 2-second gaze. Maybe I will shoot for 30-second

    oops typo but that’s funny, made myself laugh. I meant 3-second gaze.

    Maybe next year, the year after… who knows…never. We’ll see. It seems scarier out there now. I had a little scare yesterday. So we’ll see.

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:20am

  192. 192: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    184: Lorelei says:
    “Thanks Barb- it’s all so new, and I only manage a bit oI’m going off to a Salsa class any minute – gosh, 2 CD opportunities in one day!! But around here for next 15 mins.”

    Two is good! I’m going on CD this afternoon, but a “me date” out walking around in and out of shops. I’m learning from your dating stories. I can’t call them MDs can I? So should come up with some alternative acronym to CD, when you are CD by yourself…

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:25am

  193. 193: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita,

    “I would actually stalk a gemini if I wanted him- but I feel so turned off by having to do all of the work.”

    Are you saying that that’s basically what’s necessary to have a gemini man?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:27am

  194. 194: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    SLV @ 183 (that rhymes!)

    Yes I did, ‘actually’ enjoy myself – I felt very relaxed, partly due to lower expectations. I didn’t think the date would happen but it did, and i did. I actually relaxed into leaning back some of the time – letting silences happen, and letting him pick up the slack. I ignored the voice that said i would seem passive and boring if I leant back and waited.

    And he did have the most gorgeous blue eyes!!!!

    I don’t want to do much. I gave him my card, so he has my contact details – yes a bit leany-forward, but it was in the context of getting in touch, and it was my way of saying “You are welcome to contact me.”

    So for now, I won’t do anything, but lean back!! And see if he contacts me. He has some business stuff in my town, even though he doesn’t live here, so it’s not as if he’s never passing through.

    And I’m feeling so proud of myself, not boasting, at least I hope not, more amazed!!! – apparently two dates in one week, assuming CatMan confirms Sunday. I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t. It’s not a pair and spare rotation yet, but I would never have thought it possible to have 2 different dates in one week!!!! At nearly 50!!!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:28am

  195. 195: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    SLV @ 187

    Go for it! I like “MD” for MeDate when you CD yourself.

    I feel hopeful that your MD’s could include little CD opportunities, if you build in eye contact and smiles, and feeling messages to shop and cafe staff who serve you – hell, practice on women, men, little boys, anyone who’s around. It’s all practice and getting the words to form naturally in our mouths . . as we are aware of what is going on in the moment.

    Have a great MD!

    Must run to Salsa. Bye for now.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:34am

  196. 196: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    185: AmberS says:
    “What do you say? Every time you catch yourself thinking AGE or BAD- force yourself to say I LOOK WONDERFUL.”

    I don’t want to do that. Do you think “age” and “bad” are the same? I didn’t write “I look bad.” Is that what you think I wrote?

    My 50-something sister still looks “young”–she rang me this weekend to watch her new commercial airing on top 10 U.S cities. I haven’t found time to watch yet…, She tells me I should turn back time also.

    After reading your post…I’ll give it some more thought and maybe change my mind about the dating scene. It could be it’s just not for me.

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:36am

  197. 197: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t need to FORCE MYSELF to say I look wonderful. Bull shit!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:38am

  198. 198: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    If you are dishing up patronizing bull shit. The Red Queen says go get a super large ladle and lap it up yourself.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:40am

  199. 199: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    193# lolol!!!!! roflmao!

    amen.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:43am

  200. 200: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    SLV-

    I apologize. It seems I was off the mark. I read this:

    That’s a marketable asset in the dating game. I don’t look my age either; I look much, much older.

    And I thought I remembered you saying something similar a while back. So it’s MY negative voices that attach a negative meaning. Hrm.

    Thank you for responding gently. I still would like some company with the I LOOK WONDERFUL exercise. I’m planning to alternate it with I AM WORTH LOVING (thanks Orna!)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:46am

  201. 201: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Wow. I am sorry. I feel really sad.

    I wasn’t being patronizing. Just bumbling. I have a LOT of work to do on me, and I feel happy when I think of other sirens practicing with me.

    I am sorry

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:49am

  202. 202: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @185: AmberS says:
    “:SLV,
    I am very taken with your energy & voice here. You approach things so calmly and pay attention to details.
    So I am bothered when I hear your NVs talking smack about you!”

    “SO YOU ARE BOTHERED” So…you…are…bothered…???? As if my behaviour has anything to do with your analysis of it. And the analyzed behaviour is in someway a factor in your being “bothered.”

    No it is not. You are on your own.

    That’s cool with me. I won’t be FORCING MYSELF to to say or do anything so that YOUR voices disappear.

    If you are hearing voices, it’s time for you to take your medication.

    I’m not hearing any voices…
    If you are hearing voices talking to me, you’d better double up.

    Ewww, I am offended.

    If you haven’t reached my age, I will do you a kind favor and commence prayers immediately that you do not live to my age. Starting in about five minutes. Maybe you should go sit down.

    THE RED QUEEN
    Oh, yeah…and Off with Your Head!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:53am

  203. 203: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Amber – The exercise of telling yourself you are beautiful and loved every time you pass a mirror is indeed a wonderful one for reprogramming those old tapes which loop in so many of our brains. It’s a great way to quiet the NVs.
    I feel sad that you feel sad. xxoo

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:53am

  204. 204: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    SLV-

    I don’t like your response. I somehow bumbled my way into your RedZone.

    I can’t do anything other than say- YES. MY NV’s and I was excited because I found a new way for me to deal with them and I wanted to share.

    I thought I heard an NV that I myself have. I like you and I have considered you a fellow learner. I want you to be happy and healthy. I am not sorry for any of that. I made a mistake (or several) in seeing common ground with you. I offended you greatly.

    I apologize.

    I will not be following your suggestions, though. I like my head attached, and I plan to live a great long while and to learn a million new things, and I’m sure I’ll bumble my way into other RedZones along the way.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:02pm

  205. 205: PassionatelyPiscesNo Gravatar says:

    Amber S,

    You have some company! I’m working on this very thing. I know I look younger than my age, but I hate my teeth, so as soon as I smile the gig is up.

    They aren’t “awful” but my family didn’t/doesn’t have those really super white teeth in the first place—and add to that the fact that with time our teeth ‘age’ right along with us—and I hate my smile.

    I’ve tried teeth whitening products, but I have very sensitive teeth and the whitening stuff makes them even more sensitive. (And they’ll never be really, really white anyway, as that stuff can’t make them any whiter than they were in the first place.)

    I think with all the people in the media and others using these products (and let’s not forget those who can afford mega-buck cosmetic dentistry) it just makes my teeth look all the worse in comparison.

    I’m looking into some kind of “smile makeover” that I can afford, but I’m not too optimistic that there is such a thing.

    So, yeah…I try to focus on my hair (very thick and curly) and my skin (I take good care of it and it does have a nice glow even without makeup.) It just sucks that I’m hesitant to smile or laugh around others because it instantly ages me and I hate it. So I guess “I look wonderful” as long as I don’t smile. Not a good compromise…even if I am just doing “me dates.” Smiling is really important and mine is not attractive at all…

    Peace…

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:04pm

  206. 206: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy.

    I don’t know anything about mating with geminis, I have them as friends-love them for that but I have no clue. I would just demand him as my lover. I see gem men as fem… I see them also as wonderful don juans when they feel motivated…but they will seduce and vanish…. maybe they got bored, maybe they got distracted…. maybe they went back to an ex because she demanded them home…lol

    You know more than i do on this one as you were actually married to a gemini… I have mostly avoided them… I don’t think I’ve slept with one either…I made out with one…but he passed away so I don’t know much…..the ones I know now I would not date…too much crazymaking for me…. great for hanging and convo….. maybe you can experiment…. or reflect….you said your (former)husband was responding to feeling messages? or some other tool or Rori’s ? try being the masculine energy with all gem men you know and being all feminine energy with everyone else…. keep notes on how you feel in both modes…. then you’ll have your answer…

    what is your mars? you have moon in gem, right? so gemini may be a good match for you…. try them both out- we’ll do the scientific method and report on the results until we have our final conclusion ;)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:10pm

  207. 207: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    PPisces – I would like to share something with you that may not make you feel better, but then again it may. Most men, at least the kind of men most of the women here would prefer to have in their lives, just don’t notice the things that most of us women think are obvious. The little details which we hate and make us crazy.
    Most men don’t work that way. They see the whole picture, mind and spirit included. They don’t see you in bits and pieces.
    So in your case they will see an attractive woman with a radiant smile because her smile is coming from within. It’s not dazzling whiteness nor straightness in a smile which makes it beautiful. It’s the heart within and behind it.
    xxoo

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:12pm

  208. 208: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    If you look your age, perhaps you have earned that with wisdom! Enjoy your dignity, SLV.

    There is such an age stigma going on every day around us. As someone middle aged, it could be terrifying if you let it. It’s all about Confidence. You are only as old as you feel!
    I’m 29 and holding. ;D

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:15pm

  209. 209: siaNo Gravatar says:

    AmberS,

    unsolicited advice, I hope you dont mind me posting it:

    dorothea posted a analysis somewhere – feeling expressed as past participle of a verb implies something being caused from outside

    I am bothered could sound better in a form i am sad when.

    But this would not work that much better with people who presume the intention of the speaker was not good and dont try to clarify with asking questions.

    I hope this does not feel bad reading to you.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:20pm

  210. 210: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Nikita. You’ve pretty much described my ex-h to a T!! (incl the crazymaking!!!)

    I’ve been hoping WH is different than my ex-h, though…..

    I’ll keep you posted. :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:20pm

  211. 211: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and my birthday is in a week, and I’m still
    Twenty-Nine!!!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:21pm

  212. 212: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, I am a Sag Tiger. My guy is also an Aries born in 1964. What do you think?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:23pm

  213. 213: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Denise,

    sounds great and way toooooooo exciting for me ;)

    but I’d guess that you two ‘get’ each other… and any silly crap he says you let it go- and any silly stuff you say he forgets?? so all is well?

    I’m just guessing here….

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:26pm

  214. 214: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Pisces, I second what Tinque wrote.

    My first real boyfriend (we met the summer I graduated high school), told me that he was strongly attracted to me because I smiled so freely and naturally in spite of the fact that I was wearing braces! He said most girls would try to hide their braces, and he was so drawn to the way I seemed so free and confident and happy. :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:26pm

  215. 215: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    64 is the year of the dragon, in case anyone is wondering-

    btw dragons are great mates for snakes if anyone is so inclined….

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:27pm

  216. 216: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    Haddasseh,

    I just want to say how proud I feel of you. You have turned your situation around in such a short time. I love to hear the confidence and sparkle in your words. You deserve the whole banquet and I say “Yay!” that you aren’t even looking at the crumbs anymore. You are a great example of how quickly the vibe can shift and the river of men can begin to flow when you take care of yourself first!

    Hugs!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:31pm

  217. 217: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Amber,

    Wha?

    I didn’t realize that was directed towards you… I thought SLV was just riffing-

    I didn’t make the connection, I’m sorry ahead of time if you may have felt “ganged” up on by me writing ‘amen’ after her post…

    I really though she was just doing her own thing and empowering herself- I didn’t see your comments as patronizing, hope you’re feeling better.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:32pm

  218. 218: Masculine WomanNo Gravatar says:

    AmberS #185

    I like your suggestion as I practice it myself passing in front of mirrors and as a positive affirmation. I thas worked wonders for me in lifting my self-esteem to point I can say it aloud to people I speak to. I look wonderful or something similar is very empowering to me. It feels sensual and passionate saying that and thinking that of myself.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:36pm

  219. 219: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: I don’t know much about all of this stuff, but I found this and it is exactly how I see J and I (me the Aries – J the Aquarius). What do you think of it in general terms? Agree with it? (PS: I left out some of the parts that are more of a “given” like how we need our space, etc)

    When the fiery and adventurous Aries pairs up with the intelligent and creative Aquarius, the result is one of the most successful relationships in the entire zodiac.

    Thanks to a shared love of both adventure and new beginnings, a relationship between Aries (March 21-April 19) and Aquarius (January 20-February 18) can be filled with excitement and passion. Both signs enjoy starting over and sharing their dreams with each other, so the relationship should rarely be dull. In addition, Aries will be impressed by the inventive and intelligent Aquarius, and Aquarius will benefit from Aries’ passionate spirit. Though known for its passion, the Aries sign needs a mental connection with a partner first, something fulfilled by Aquarius’ keen intelligence.

    These two signs understand each other almost intuitively, and know how to make the other one laugh.

    Because the two signs thrive on adventure, their union is likely to be filled with new experiences, and these two thrill-seekers love to show off. They communicate well, and their friendship is just as strong as their passion. Their intense admiration for each other can make their bond strong and long-lasting.

    One of the greatest strengths of this pair is their ability to accomplish great things together. Both are courageous and ready to take on the world, and have plans and ideas on how to make the world a better place. They are two of the most creative and active signs in the zodiac, and together they can impact everyone around them with their enthusiasm and vision. With their courageousness and an eye on the future, these two signs will not only make each other happy, they could also inspire and uplift everyone around them.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:37pm

  220. 220: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Oh…I forgot to ask…what would our birth years have to do with this? Any changes to it based on that? tinque and I discuss this stuff a lot too…How did you put it Tinque?

    “You are sooooo Aries”

    :-)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:39pm

  221. 221: Masculine WomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    How about Aries (F) Saggitarius (M)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:41pm

  222. 222: LeoNo Gravatar says:

    I had today this awesome experience…
    In the past couple of days I tried to lean back although it sometimes still feels kinda “wrong”/ “playing games” cause I have to tell myself to not call my boyfriend.
    I just didnt initiate anything or didnt ask him about his day.
    So then today he called me and we talked for like and hour and it was just a lot of fun. And when we hang up I had this awesome feeling. “happiness”

    But not this kind of happiness that a very needy woman feels after she was craving for him to call and “satisfy” her needs.
    I just felt so happy. I couldnt explain really why, like if it was for he called, or the conversation was nice, or for i missed hearing him…
    I just felt happy. But then I was able to concentrate on myself again and just enjoy that feeling while doing things for myself.

    It was different.
    Also…cause I heard this little hesitation on his side before hanging up (like he would start saying “ilu”)

    good day!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 12:50pm

  223. 223: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Me and my dragon Aries do get each other! The adventure, the intellect, the support, then there is that attraction! But unlike Aries I know, he is super laid back about being in charge. With my Alpha type A, I have to watch it! And he so notices it, even when I display my leadership in my group. He’ll call me on it. I am learning to lean back more, and let it be. I’m still trying to figure out how to get him to commit to go forward in our dance. I want to be engaged, like Princess Kate! Will is a lucky guy.

    Gotta love royalty & the media!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:15pm

  224. 224: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    So the ex bf texts me and asks if I am “waiting for him to ask to see me, because he really wants to but is giving me all the time I need.” Uh huh. SURE. He can’t say he misses me or anything like that! :)

    Then the MMA entrepreneur guy emails me and gives me ALL of his contact info. I’m talking, cell #, work #, home address, WORK address, THREE personal emails, all of his IM handles, etc. and asked for mine. I felt super uncomfortable – I mean, we had only emailed a few times! I didn’t want to give an essential stranger all of my info. So I emailed him back and said that “I feel really flattered that you trusted me with all of your personal information. I feel kind of uncomfortable with sharing all of mine right away, but would love to get to know him better via emailing and work up to texts and phone calls and I am sure that we can get to that point sooner rather than later.”

    He writes me back that I am “not a trusting person, so he wishes me luck with my search because he needs someone that trusts him right away”

    I was FLOORED. But glad we didn’t get involved. That just feels so OFF to me. Why the PRESSURE right off the bat? Makes me feel like he would be the type to get all stalker-ish after a first date.

    I responded with, “good luck in your search too – my trust is earned, not given freely”

    SO glad I stuck to my guns on this stuff! You weed men out so quickly when they wont respect a simple boundary like that! Can you imagine how the no girlfriend speech would have gone? ;)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:41pm

  225. 225: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Denise

    So funny, I used to say “39 and holding” too! Is that what Jack Benny used to say” Do you know who that is? :lol:

    I also used to say “49 and holding.” I’ve not said it lately; I’ll have to choose a new number. LOL.

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:46pm

  226. 226: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Jack Benny said so many fabulous things!

    So no comments today about Prince William’s engagement? Do you think he blurts out ILU to Kate frequently? Let’s hope he is a better husband to his Princess than his father was to his!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:54pm

  227. 227: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @217 Hadassah
    “I responded with, “good luck in your search too – my trust is earned, not given freely”

    I’m impressed. You are taking to online dating like a duck to water. Reading this, I know I would be uncomfortable too with handing over home address to a guy I hadn’t met. I’m affirming my position on things by reading posts on this blog.

    I think I would give cell phone and not work phone until after a couple of dates. What do you think? I’ve NEVER dated anyone that nobody I know knows even a little about… as in TOTAL strangers so I’m trying to learn the best ways to do that.

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:56pm

  228. 228: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes,

    birth years are the Chinese Zodiac, a google search with your year of birth and chinese astrology/zodiac should yield results for you ;)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:56pm

  229. 229: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    @SLV – If we exchanged a few more emails, I would have given him my cell # no problems, but just the way he pretty much demanded all of my info right away made my skin crawl. Definitely made me sit up and say NO thanks!

    This is fairly new to me as well – It seems like men don’t want to come across as too forward and risk being not forward enough, etc.

    I have never been matched up with someone through friends so this isn’t new to me, but man there are times I wish that dating wasn’t so complicated. It’s like, either you want to give this a shot, or you don’t! Just BE honest! If all you want is a FWB just TELL me. Maybe that’s all I want with you, too! If everyone was honest we would all be better off.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 1:59pm

  230. 230: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    219: Denise says:
    “Let’s hope he is a better husband to his Princess than his father was to his!”

    Oh, I know…. Even though she was a princess she was still often that “little sad woman who sat in the corner at the party…”

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:01pm

  231. 231: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    #213 Wow, Mercedes,

    I think I have been waiting TWO years to find out J’s sun sign LOL… that makes total sense!!

    the aquarius I almost married hooked up with an Aries gal and they have something between them that I just DON’T GET! but I LOVE them BOTH (we’re all friends) but I keep my distance because c’mon, she may be cool with it but he and I don’t speak…. when they’re dating- it’s been on and off…and I love him like a blood brother!!! but I could NEVER spend Forever with him lol! but they have this “understanding”…like, this “bubble” they exist in and he is so in love with her…. ( I actually fixed them up after our break-up ;) ) I didn’t know it would turn into an EPIC love story!

    Thanks For Sharing :) !

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:05pm

  232. 232: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    So Nikita – May I ask you what you think about me as an Aries with all the planets I have in Aquarius and no earth at all and my Libra with Cap rising? I think I’m Gem rising??? Could Aquarius though, and all my stuff is in LA so can’t check.
    xxoo

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:08pm

  233. 233: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @222: Hadassah

    I don’t know if you saw it but a few threads back, a few weeks ago, Brenda posted a link about online dating scams. She looked up a guy who had sent her a message and he was on the scam site!!!

    I saw a bunch of photos used by the online dating scam artists as well as notes from the people they’d contacted. I think it’s mostly about getting money from people online so that would be a major red flag but even if not, getting to know people who is a skill.

    Jacqueline had some info too about getting driver’s license and doing background checks, etc. These are skills I don’t have, yet. I’m still evolving but at the moment I’m of the mind that I’d really appreciate a guy who sought to assure me by giving me his ID info and I’d be hesitant about a guy who demanded it from me. I don’t know if that’s the usual or best standard; it’s all I have so far…

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:11pm

  234. 234: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Hadassah, I have mixed feeling about that message. The first one felt good but the last one made him wrong, aka what he’s doing is wrong. My opinion. So he trusts easily. You don’t. Neither are wrong. Ya know? With just the first, he might realize he’s being a little pushy and come back and make it better. Adding the second message just shuts the door. Don’t want to make you wrong. Just pointing out a different perspective. Glad you trusted your gut no matter what and did what YOU are comfortable doing.

    As to the situation, I’ve had mostly good experiences giving out my phone number quickly. In fact, I dislike too many emails. It feels like hiding to me, and I get too attached before knowing if there is any real chemistry (which can only be assessed in person). I’d rather rip the band-aid off and meet. But that’s me. And I’m finding that guys don’t know which way to go about this. Do I ask for her number now or email with her a lot so she feels comfortable. Several have acted surprised when I offered my number quickly.

    I’ve only had one experience where I gave the guy my number quickly, and he turned out to be a real nut job. But my gut was telling me something was wrong. He REALLY pushed. Unfortunately a part of me liked his aggressiveness so I ignored my gut instincts that one time. Lesson learned. Trust my gut. Check.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:14pm

  235. 235: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    Has anything else come of the “hi after two weeks – two hours later smiley check up” guy? I’m just curious! Did he just pop up that one day and then disappear again?

    Packing for San Diego tonight! ;)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:14pm

  236. 236: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Could Aquarius though, and all my stuff is in LA so can’t check.
    xxoo

    Tinque,
    didn’t get that last sentence, I don’t think anything about it… I think it’s great… you having tons of aquarius would bring more air to the relationship and explains why you write very differently than Miss M,
    –Libra is air so they need that stimulation of ideas…. they need that lightness….a featherlike mental touch that I imagine your venus in pisces and gem, etc. contributes. Cap and Aquarius share rulers,

    I think* Aquarius is Uranus and Cap is Saturn but- I think Saturn has influences on Aquarius because it is a fixed sign (not going anywhere) but as a warning- I’d advise both of you to do everything you can to stave off arthritis (random, I know)… but it’s my only concern :)

    Libras like to keep it light and you do that- Caps like to keep things solid and real…as an Aries, you do that too… so: Cheers! :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:16pm

  237. 237: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I remember seeing Brenda’s post… he wasn’t asking for money, and I KNOW he does what he says he does for a career because of all the crazy nonsense, the sperm donor of my daughter did some work for him a few years ago at one of his events. So it was just crazy.

    I joke with a guy after we have spoken on the phone about how bad my ex was a liar and say something like, “ok now before we go out, I need your driver’s license number, your social security #, birth date, etc.” and they laugh and ask why so I tell them so I can do a background check. They always laugh and say that I can have the info when we meet up if I still want it. I haven’t gotten to that point with anyone I am talking to this dating go around! And I don’t think I would seriously do that, but I do google them first. I verified that the Cop is actually a cop this way, etc.

    I look at it as me looking out for my safety – anyone can say ANYTHING online. I could say I am a 35 year old man and use a fake pic and prey on lonely women if I wanted to!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:19pm

  238. 238: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Disclaimer: I seem to ONLY exercise my astrology chops here so I may be a little rusty…. I put all of my reference books in storage and have pretty much stopped studying – tho I still gather data by asking b-days of people I meet. ;)

    hugs,
    nikita-

    “I’m not bad I’m just drawn that way”

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:20pm

  239. 239: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    LOL! Nikita! You should have asked!! I’ll tell you anything about him except his name and the names of his family members but that’s only because he is a very private person and I’ve sort of squished that! :-)

    (but he knows, so he’s not mad…)

    Sooo…this is what we hear all the time:

    “they have something between them that I just DON’T GET! but I LOVE them BOTH”

    “but they have this “understanding”…like, this “bubble” they exist in and he is so in love with her” (and she HIM…ahem..lol)

    “I didn’t know it would turn into an EPIC love story!” – only for us it was the opposite…when we did break up everyone was so shocked because “If the two of you can’t make it work, how can anyone make it work?” and “Are you two back together yet? I’m a believer in true love so I’m just waiting.” (seriously…I had to listen to that “crap” when we were broke up and I was all kinda p*ssed off…)

    – that kind of stuff. All the time.

    When I say it is a connection beyond anything I’ve ever had before, it really, truly is…we are connected at the heart…I think I said it before, but sometimes it even scares us…

    Thanks for sharing with me too! :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:22pm

  240. 240: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Rachel, We talked on the phone Monday night, and I’m having lunch with him tomorrow. He seems like a nice guy. He mentioned something about verifying my cuteness tomorrow (which I felt turned off by). My brain is saying *I* will be verifying your cuteness factor tomorrow. My cuteness is a given. ;-)

    Yeah for San Diego trip!! How long will you be there? You asked me earlier about things I’ve been doing lately to keep me fulfilled. I haven’t forgotten. I’ll write them down for you tonight. You were actually on my mind last night. I said a prayer for you. I hope the trip goes fantastic!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:26pm

  241. 241: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Oops I got it wrong but from what you say here it may not matter. I have no idea his rising, but I’m pretty sure mine is Gem. His Mercury is in Cap and mine is in Aquarius. Yes my Venus is in Pisces. Awesome memory you have.
    I love this stuff, silly maybe, but I love it. Thank you Nikita for all that you show us. muah
    xxoo

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:32pm

  242. 242: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    “I have no idea his rising, but I’m pretty sure mine is Gem. His Mercury is in Cap and mine is in Aquarius. Yes my Venus is in Pisces.”

    Tinque or Nikita: How do you know this stuff? What information do you need to have in order to get it? WOW! I wouldn’t even have the slightest idea what all that means…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:38pm

  243. 243: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque,

    His Moon is in Cap :)

    moon is our receptive emotional face…. so emotionally he is masculine(IMO) and needs solidity.

    mercury in cap too? so he THINKS like a cap…

    my mercury is virgo – so I THINK in a super structured detailed way- but my mars is in gemini so my outward world does not always appear structured ;) lol…. but lots of ruminating occurs along with research! I love research!!

    anyways…back to you…. I would say Mercury in Aquarius…. could bestow some of your really forgiving views on male sexuality (movies and looking at women stuff-I look at your blog sometimes ;) ) I am more rigid about certain things you are ver understanding of… my mom has aquarius rising- I was not allowed to curse but I could talk about/ask questions about ANYTHING as long as I phrased it with respect, the subject didn’t matter…she had a very scientific approach to sexuality and other things…which was cool -really cool in hindsight.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:45pm

  244. 244: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes,

    you need place and time of birth down to the minute….I like astro . com
    or astrodienst…. make a profile and plug in the numbers…it does the work for you ;)

    I totally have an account there ;) hahaa….and a log of friends and lovers…. that once in a blue moon I refer to but I am trying to get away from astrology…. it seems to be an extra appendage that I may not be able to rid myself of tho! lol…

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 2:49pm

  245. 245: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    I feel good that he’s had more contact with you! But yes, the “cuteness” comment feels weird.

    We will be in San Diego for a week. Our hotel is right on the bay… I can’t wait!

    Thank you so much for thinking of me and saying a prayer last night. I have felt a LOT stronger today. Doing a lot of processing while I pack! I feel like I will be ok even if Soccer Dad doesn’t come back. I have heard his “message” and it’s helping to heal some parts of me.

    Speaking of message … one of our conversations was about not “settling.” Well … yep! I won’t settle for another relationship that is hot/cold, where I never know where I stand and where I have to keep the ball rolling.

    Mr. Soccer Dad, you have to do WAY better than that to spend time in my lluscious presence! =-)

    Feeling good. Thanks for your support. I look forward to your list of “fulfilling” things.

    Have a great week! I’m sure I’ll be popping onto Siren Island from SD!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 3:11pm

  246. 246: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yeah … one more thing. I have been hearing the words “ebb and flow” in my mind. And since the Universe loves me and wants the very best for me, even the ebb and flow is LOVE. My heart is open to be surprised and in awe of the love and happiness that is on its way to me!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 3:14pm

  247. 247: NicoleNo Gravatar says:

    I need everyone’s help – RORI too!!! I was seeing this guy intimately for about 2.5 months. In the beginning (w/in the first 2 weeks) he wanted to move very fast, make me his g/f, telling his friends he has never felt this way about anyone and telling his friends he is gonna marry me, etc. I didn’t want to move fast and I wanted to take things slow, so we did. Things were going great for the rest of the time – taking me to dinner, taking me to weddings with him, telling me he misses me, telling me he loves waking up next to me in the morning, etc. I even met his whole family and his mom pulled me aside and said how he NEVER brings girls around his family. That he always shows up solo and hasn’t liked someone enough to bring them around in about 5 yrs or so. Its not that he doesn’t get girls, I know he gets girls – he’s a typical 27 year old bachelor – but never girls he would take home to mom, until me. He was still going out every weekend with his friends and really enjoys his “guy” time – never wants to miss out! I never stopped him and always told him to have a great time.
    I started getting the feeling w/in the last few weeks that yes he still likes me a lot and cares about me (that wasn’t a question in my mind), but that he realized he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. He is not a relationship type of guy – not used to it – scared of commitment and I think just either too immature to settle down or incapable at this point in his life.
    Two nights ago, I had “the talk” w/ him to let him know how I was feeling. That I liked him a lot, enjoyed where it was going and needed some sort of exclusive commitment from him. I told him I didn’t need anything serious just yet, but that if I’m sleeping with him and especially everything we have been through, I would want to know he is not seeing other people. He said he didn’t know and that he doesn’t think he is ready for a relationship. He says he always gets scared to commit and doesn’t know what’s wrong with him but that he likes me so much that he wouldn’t want to mess it up if he jumped in one and wasn’t ready. I said that’s fine, I just needed to know.
    The next morning (yesterday morning) he text me, “Are you mad at me” – I told him of course not but it is clear to me we are not on the same page. We were supposed to go to a wedding this Friday together and he text me again that day “So do you not want to go to the wedding? I understand if you don’t.” I said I didn’t think it was a good idea. He never responded and hasn’t text me at all.
    What is everyone’s perspective on this? I mean how does he go from wanting me to be his gf and acting like he wants a relationship w/ me to letting me walk out of his life?? All my friends say since I put my foot down and they know he cared about me that he is gonna come running back. I don’t know if that’s true. What do I do??

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 3:45pm

  248. 248: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Nicole,

    Why did backtrack/backpedal on the wedding ?

    You cancelled, I don’t understand why.

    Also, if you are a fan of Rori’s work everything is fine!
    You feel concerned about him sleeping with others?

    I believe rori would advise you to circular date(keep your options open) and be sexually exclusive with one man, maybe this man, maybe not. He’s allowed to have ALL of the time he needs to figure it out- but that doesn’t mean we have to be party poppers – we can still accept dates from a man that is pursuing us (sounds like he was pursuing until you broke things off) you are in charge here!

    Two months is very early to be deciding on “forever”, and rori advises us to not worry so much about what he is doing UNTIL we are ready to say “I do” or have a “forever” of some sort with the man.

    Do you really want to hog tie this one to your horse just because you had sex?

    Explore your options and don’t sell yourself short by falling in love with a man’s potential. Learn to love yourself in the presence of ALL men until one decides to claim you in spite of his “fears”.

    Date ready- ness
    No amount of talking will get a man “ready”.
    …..but he can still be practice if YOU are being an invitation as opposed to a steel wall. KWIM ?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 4:07pm

  249. 249: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Learn to love yourself in the presence of ALL men”

    Love this, Nikita.

    I wish fb college guy would hurry up and make plans to meet. He keeps talking about it, but isn’t making plans. We connect in some way every day, and it feels very good. But I’m afraid I am becoming more and more attracted (emotionally) to a man who I won’t feel attracted to in person (physically). :(

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 4:14pm

  250. 250: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm. This is potentially interesting… fb college guy is the same year as WH — Ox.

    fb college guy is a cancer.
    WH is gemini.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 4:20pm

  251. 251: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    I dunno but Marilyn Monroe was a tiger ;) and a Gemini
    unfortunately jfk was a snake

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:05pm

  252. 252: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Has anyone heard from Daria?

    Daria, I hope you’re staying safe. Praying for you goddess girl!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:05pm

  253. 253: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens,

    I thought this note is worth smiling about :)

    NINE WORDS WOMEN USE FREQUENTLY

    (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

    (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutesto watch the game before helping around the house.

    (3)Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

    (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

    (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

    (6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

    (7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says
    Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.
    DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

    (8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying GO TO HELL

    (9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’
    For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

    

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:09pm

  254. 254: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    #8 lol! Haha!!! :D

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:16pm

  255. 255: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Rachel, Ohhh! On the bay? I’m living vicariously. Sigh. Soak it up! As for the fulfilling things, here’s the gist of what I wrote to Dorothea the other day. I feel a bit weird writing these out. (Embarrassed maybe but these things truly do fulfill me.) The trick is to find stuff that really fulfills you, not just busy with “I should” stuff. My things may not make a blip on your radar, but this is it.

    I’ve just recently taken up knitting again (scarves) and reading books for pleasure (not self awareness or about my faith which has been a staple for months now). Every week I lead a bible study of amazing women (this includes personal time required to prepare for it), and I serve at my church (weekly). Then of course there’s also spending time with my friends and family and CDing. I dropped mentoring at the pregnancy center for now because I felt overwhelmed, and it just wasn’t working for me. I dreaded it even though being able to say “I’m a mentor” felt really good. The other stuff I actually look forward to doing. Really, not pretend. And the knitting is an actual output that I can touch and feel. I may even start selling some of the scarves. I’ll be working on them tonight. Lots of little buttons to attach. So fun!

    Okay. Blush. I am Martha Stewart.

    Things I’d look into are: volunteering/serving others (nothing like giving back to remind me how blessed I am, makes all this other stuff seem less important), mentoring, and creating something (art, photography, writing, knitting, so many options). And of course adventures and friendships. Meetup dot com is a GREAT place to find adventure and meet new people.

    What floats your boat? I’d love to hear about it! And of course, I certainly wouldn’t add anything to your list of to-do’s if it feels overwhelming. This is about YOU feeling good. I hope this helps!! Shannon

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:21pm

  256. 256: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella, “That’s okay”… I believe I had that tattooed on my head during my marriage. Oh and “fine”. 8-)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:23pm

  257. 257: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t know that but I did text #8 to mr.big and he laughed hysterically- I didn’t get it, but now I do!

    Whats the source, I’d love to send it to friends if possible?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:23pm

  258. 258: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita:

    I got it at work from a gf :) You can copy and paste the content of this post :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:27pm

  259. 259: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    :(

    Ok, I wanted to give credit to the author

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:30pm

  260. 260: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I have a feeling the creator is a man :) Which is just “Fine” with me :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:32pm

  261. 261: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Shannon:

    How did you upload your pic? I can’t figure it out on this site…:)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:34pm

  262. 262: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m here just got in on the bus to my area wow was cold at cd house he didn’t have heat. Feelin tired an hungry and chill at the library

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:36pm

  263. 263: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes and Tinque,

    I feel intrigued personally about the no-conflict relationship theory. I am not interested in debating it, but I would like your input.

    Here is an example of a conflict btwn my ex and me during our marriage: He wanted to give our daughter some “natural” remedies that her pulmonologist said could be harmful or even fatal to her. I trusted the doctor, so a conflict ensued.

    How would something like this play out between you and your man?

    Thanks!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:39pm

  264. 264: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Daria. How are you doing?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:39pm

  265. 265: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling good, tired … Sexy cd is now texting w me.. I got first rescue cd has texted me too… I am in the library bathroom. Feelin vulnerable yet cool

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:43pm

  266. 266: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    :-)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2zKj_LOxmw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:45pm

  267. 267: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    ok Daria,

    I was thinking of e-mailing you but now I see you ;)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:45pm

  268. 268: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious about the man in the red t-shirt in the video provided,…I don’t love his hat but I am wondering what his story is?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:59pm

  269. 269: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling shy

    …but there might be a drumming laughing goddess in that video if you look closely :-)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 5:59pm

  270. 270: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    http://www.youtube.com/user/DrPatAllen#p/a/u/1/UYqIoqGIRpg

    men and attraction

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:01pm

  271. 271: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: what do u want to know about him :-)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:02pm

  272. 272: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I saw what appeared to be 3 possible godesses ;)

    I have my hunches tho-

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:02pm

  273. 273: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Birthday!!!!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:02pm

  274. 274: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sexy cd is gonna put me in his cousin’s house tonite!

    yay!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:03pm

  275. 275: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    November 20, 1973

    He’s very funny and outspoken, creative, slightly crazy but in a good way, fun

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:09pm

  276. 276: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita — Loved the most recent video post w/Pat Allen :) .

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:11pm

  277. 277: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Scorpio Ox- my personal brand of kryptonite ;)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:12pm

  278. 278: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Renee,

    great! I was just thinking of you.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:13pm

  279. 279: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    last nite’s cd wanted to kiss me hehe

    he asked if he could i said ok

    i didnt move tho

    so he had to reposition himself

    i felt ‘almost’ repulsed cuz his kisses were so tentative

    i said stop and realized haha it doesnt have to go on

    but i didnt feel repulsed repulsed

    very interesting

    then he taught me to give him a certain kind of head rub which felt really good for me too

    when i was doing this stuff he looked sexy to me

    he also rubbed my hands and i felt like he was worshipping them]

    that was also very sexy

    and then he started kissing my hands

    at first tentatively, but then its like my magic was telling him how it feels good he could read it… and so his kisses got better

    awesome way to use magic and femininity to communicate and open up to more men

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:16pm

  280. 280: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – Not to worry. I don’t do debate. That’s Miss M’s department.
    This scenario is a tricky one. I’ve been thinking a lot about this, the conflict thing, since the debate began, and I believe much of this is due to personality as well as how an individual learns or teaches herself to be with other/around people though maybe innate personality is the stronger element here. I don’t know definitively.
    I can only use me as an example, so if I was in the situation you described, I would first do the research. Since I am personally very deeply into natural remedies, I would try those first. I know with all I have that your doctor was/is trying to frighten you. And this makes me feel angry.
    That aside, yes some herbs in large doses over long periods of time can be fatal, or can be contraindicated when combined with certain medications, but when administered in small and maybe ever increasing doses, they are either benign or helpful. Some can cause adverse reactions, but you would know long before she was in danger. If it was homeopathics, there is no danger, not ever.
    I realize I have a bias in this particular situation, so this may not be helpful at all. Trying to put myself in your shoes though as me, I’m not adamant about any which way, so I am open to almost all ways. I would be willing to try anything, exhaust all possibilities, using medical as a last resort.
    I would imagine you would know if your child was in respiratory distress and would act quickly if she was in any danger.
    I don’t know if this is of any help. I’m willing to explore it further if you wish.
    xxoo

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:17pm

  281. 281: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: Interesting!?! I feel curious. What was it about him that made you feel curious?

    Oh yes, there might possibly be an Aries fire snake LI in the video as well :-)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:22pm

  282. 282: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and Nikita, another tidbit for your astrological goodie bag, Mercedes and I, our birthdays are a mere day apart, yet we’re SO different in so many ways, but there still are definite similarities if not sameness in some.
    xxoo

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:24pm

  283. 283: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes! And he definitely has the Scorpio sting.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:25pm

  284. 284: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – you sound good, really good.
    xxoo

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:25pm

  285. 285: LonePlumNo Gravatar says:

    262 LG

    What a nice smiling Godess!
    :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:37pm

  286. 286: LonePlumNo Gravatar says:

    246 Darling Ella

    Go to minute 44 :)

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xmxdf_dane-cook-vicous-circle_fun

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:41pm

  287. 287: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you LP :-)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:42pm

  288. 288: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    I love the way you use Rori’s feeling messages…Every single post make me go …Hmm…and Wow :)

    I am very new to this (about one month since I first read Rori’s subscriptions and about 10 days since reading the blog)…

    Well, being so new to using these tools, I really stumble :( to express myself in feeling terms…especially, since English is not my 1st language :).

    So, here is my question: How would you respond to someone who claims to love you sends you often emails/txts that feel impersonal, and cold…

    Any Siren’s input would be soo appreciated :)

    Thank you all :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:50pm

  289. 289: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    LonePlum:

    Awesome…:) Thx

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 6:54pm

  290. 290: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    I had a long love affair (read: bad romance)* with a scorpio ox…. I adore oxen, ADORE and have dated a few – they ooze “man” but there is something very fine tuned about their sensitivities (due to scorpio) and a creative flair about them- I doubt I’d ever do it again….that temper is EPIC…. none for me thanks ;) I’m happy admiring from afar :D

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:03pm

  291. 291: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Fire Snakes are some of my favorite people*(wink)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:05pm

  292. 292: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    nikita is the temper from ox or scorpio? bc i have been weirdly getting this hunch (with zero evidence) that WH has a problematic temper … (gemini ox)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:08pm

  293. 293: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @199: AmberS says:
    “SLV- I don’t like your response.”

    I don’t like my response either. I’m sure I didn’t read all of your post before I left for my walk. The Red Queen was triggered and appeared like Mr. Hyde to Dr. Jekyll!

    Damn!

    I’m sure my titration point would not have been reached as readily had I not read the post, directed to me, in which sia congratulates herself for complimenting a 50-ish woman and then goes on to compare men of “my generation” unfavorably to herself.

    Then somehow she describes her comments as having something to do with me me??? Some ideas she had about me. Weird. Who’d want to read that? I sure didn’t.

    The patronizing behaviour was sia’s. I don’t believe for one minute that everytime she goes to a perfume shop she leaves the door to compliment every well-dressed, well-groomed shop clerk, telling them “i just have to tell you that you are really beautiful.

    The idea of it is ludicrous, laughable. Patronizing.

    “I felt I had to say that, otherwise it would be like getting a gift and not say thank you:) ”

    “really” beautiful, quite unlike the merely beautiful. Do you think it’s anything like “actually” beautiful?

    She’s an idiot, you are not. I think my response to you makes me an idiot too, well temporarily. Wait, wait: I FEEL she is an idiot. Ah, better. Now I am a learning idiot.

    It was not a good time for me to read that you were reading my mind and asking me to do something i didn’t like in response to what you imagined.

    I see she gave you a language lesson too, LOL :lol Total nonsense that girl is.

    I like you a lot.

    My Internet service was downnnnnnnnnnnnnn all afternoon…just as well.

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:12pm

  294. 294: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    My Internet service was down so I had the opportunity to do a realllyyyyyyy longgggg RIFFIN
    on Notepad.

    No point in boring everyone and it’s sure longer than anything Daria ever did…maybe…

    Here’s the end with a nod to Woody Allen’s “Manhattan” overture.
    —–

    Call me 1-800 fabulous,

    Behind these grey hairs and reading glasses lies…
    …the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat!
    —–
    I’ll keep these thoughts in mind tomorrow.

    SLV

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:20pm

  295. 295: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    Both. Hitler, Napoleon, and I believe/maybe* Castro?
    but def. Hitler, Saddam Hussein, and Napoleon-ALL Ox’s…along with Warren Beaty and Jack Nicholson-

    You tell me…LOL!!

    but I love them!!!! and a lot of my gf’s are Oxen ;)
    they ‘get’ me- But I would not advise a tiger to go there-BUT, I refuse to let the stars get in the way of people who are both ready to grow in every way to make it work ;)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:22pm

  296. 296: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—-ow!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:29pm

  297. 297: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita,

    I’m a fire snake! :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 7:59pm

  298. 298: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    I love to crochet and read and scrapbook. Unfortunately, I went through a pretty deep depression this past year and a half (over a guy) and have pretty much stopped doing the things I enjoy. Partly because I still felt so much pain even while doing them. They didn’t distract me…

    I am feeling a lot stronger now though. Even this situation with Soccer Dad has shown me how much I’ve grown. I do feel ready to begin filling my life with joy again.

    As for volunteering and CDing … I live in a SUPER small town – population about 450 and so there aren’t many opportunities. I have started filling in at the local church as a pianist when the regular pianist can’t be there. Meetup.com doesn’t have anything near me! And all of the single guys in town are 70 plus years of age! LOL

    One thing I thought of tonight – I have a Celtic harp that has been collecting dust for several years. Maybe after our trip, I’ll start learning it again and work on some pretty Christmas songs.

    Thank you for your ideas. I will think of you on my trip! Maybe even send you a pic if you want to give me your email.

    Nighty night all! <3

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:13pm

  299. 299: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LG: WOW!!! The Laughing Goddess is beautiful!! And a drummer to boot. That’s hot. I feel so impressed!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:14pm

  300. 300: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, Feels great to hear from you. I get the sense you are doing well. Yeah for heat tonight!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:18pm

  301. 301: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque, Jumping off from Lucy’s post. I wonder how you would have handled that situation with K. The disagreement part. This is the part where I feel confused about the “no compromise” thing. I don’t want to go there at all but the whole idea of relationships being easy goes against my own personal experience. Life ain’t easy. I could come up with many situations just like the one Lucy described. I’d love to hear how you and K work through “life” stuff when you don’t agree.

    Lucy, the “new” me would love to say the husband is the lead, but I don’t feel confident I could do that in that particular circumstance. Messing around with my child’s life is not something I would take lightly. At all. Wow. There’s some rage there. Momma Bear ROARRRRRR…

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:29pm

  302. 302: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I am going to make a new name here. How will you all know that it’s me though?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:53pm

  303. 303: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I want a new name too but I want everyone to know it’s me as well.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:58pm

  304. 304: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    You could be “kansas” or “the good witch” lol ;)

    but not Toto *LOL

    hehe hehehe

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:59pm

  305. 305: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella – thanks!

    I would want to know more specifically what these texts are that Feel Bad to you to read.

    I had a situation before where a man i KNEW liked me, was texting me unromantic stuff… like questions related to our hobbies like… “what do you know about the way the federal reserve handles cheques”

    or something like that

    no hello, how are you beautiful, etc

    my guy friend actually told me… TELL HIM SOMETHING>>> say.. IMA WOMAN< NOT A ROBOT lol

    so i would write:

    It feels great to hear from you… and i feel a bit weird saying this but… i don't feel good getting these questions, with no hello how are you… i feel unacknowledged as a woman… and questions about our hobbies feel unromantic… I really like you and i don't want to feel turned off… what do you think?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 8:59pm

  306. 306: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    why don’t you guys just write in what your new names will be?

    lol

    or from your new names, write… hello this is Old name

    or….

    talk exactly like yourselves and i will figure it out and blurt it out on here

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:00pm

  307. 307: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah, I think you’d all figure it out eventually just by the way I write…..lol,

    I feel like I’ve built up something-like a belief system or value system with this name and I don’t relly want to start from scratch with everyone….then again maybe it could be a good thing?

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:06pm

  308. 308: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    because i want to be anonymous again. right now when u google my name/email address, my posts come up here. i don’t want to link that with my new name. defeats the purpose.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:07pm

  309. 309: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I dunno- Dorothea,

    but when you figure it out tell me…

    I have been trying to figure out the same thing….

    I want some people to know it’s me but I want anonymity as well….

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:10pm

  310. 310: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    “because i want to be anonymous again. right now when u google my name/email address, my posts come up here. i don’t want to link that with my new name. defeats the purpose.”

    Dorothea, I hope you find a way. I would hate that.

    Here’s a video of an oldie Indian song I used to watch when I was little. Corny but very sexy and the girl oozes feminine sensuality. *Sigh* I have that in me but I wished I could just bring it out with a man I’m attracted to. Instead I become a tortoise in his presence! Enjoy the video.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9A_YC3u3ybQ&feature=channel

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:34pm

  311. 311: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    oh my goodness that is a really really cool video you just posted. i loved watching it!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:49pm

  312. 312: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks:

    I love the video too ;) Thank you for sharing. I also enjoy greatly middle eastern and Indian music :) I shared a few links in prior blogs :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 9:55pm

  313. 313: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    thank goodness LI fixed my garbage disposal for me. no more bad sink smell. whew!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:15pm

  314. 314: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    You’re welcome Dorothea and DE! :) I used to love it as a girl too. The film is from 1984.

    DE I also love middle eastern dancing. I love the way modern Indian dancing has evolved today. A fusion of belly/hip hop/modern jazz and classical Indian…it’s spectacular! I used to hate Indian dancing when I was a teenager lol. Sort of a rebellious phase I was going through I guess.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:16pm

  315. 315: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling amused and happy because of 19’s cocky email to me haha. But I feel good and like playful reading it, and also pist and wrote him that but now I’m finding I feel happy!

    Ugh! This man! Look what he wrote:

    “I know you been waiting to hear from me, so I hit you on that line and I’m not getting through to you. What kinda cheapness is that I’m supposed to be able to talk to you anytime I want to. Also whats up with your pics, I know that you want attention, but your 28, I would think your too grown to put out pics like that, that’s something I would expect from someone who is 18 with low self-esteem to do, at least respect yourself and be getting payed or sponsored for what your wearing, but the average dude thinks “I can fuck her” or “I wanna fuck her” if your not stripping and getting payed for it, it makes no sense. I just remembered when you started crying when I ask you to suck me, most men can only offer dick, its rare when you can find a man who works on developing his physical, mental, and spiritual assets. I advise you to look inside and do something to really distinguish yourself from other women be the first woman to get a nobel peace prize for creating alternative economics, maybe something my people could use. Don’t think I’m judging you, I’m just stating my opinion, it holds clout! I’mma start giving you more quality attention, What’s your email? I need to keep you active at work because your smart enough to do anything!

    P.S: I rather see you naked “

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:36pm

  316. 316: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    Thank you for responding and sharing your experience :)

    I was a bit impatient and I responded to him a bit before your message. Although, I don’t feel yet very safe on this site to share about my full situation, here is a bit about it…

    His txt was : “The honorable X (x is my ethnicity) Queen! How exactly is u day going?”, where the day before he was so warm and loving…

    I know it may appear that I am “overreacting”, but I guess there is so much more to it…He no longer says “my x queen”…”my love”…babe…etc…he also sends sometimes txt like “u rock”…very impersonal…I expressed to him the past few weeks how I feel (using Rori’s tools – which by the way for not even using them not even 50% appropriately, has given me considerable changes and results)…

    I expressed to him in a couple occasions that I love hearing and being addressed by my name if he does not feel like calling me his queen/babe, etc…Overall, I feel unheard…I know he is stubborn…we have trust issues with one another…we broken off multiple times for the past year and a half…big arguments, lots of drama…he is a lady’s man…:( Anyway, it is weird talking about my relationship …I feel exposed…vulnerable…since he is not addressing our commitment yet…

    Although, he acts as if I belong to him, he refuses to label our “relationship” for the past nine months after I discovered not so pleasant things about him…I have been trying to get out of this relationship many times…block his numbers, send email stating I want to move on, etc…, even changed my number…Each time I did that, he would be more and more persistent in his communication (he would find some means)…making me change my mind…accusing me that because I don’t give him stability (I break it off too much), he goes on to see other people…I learned he has serious abandonment issues…coupled with Narcissism…

    Gosh, I often ask myself how in the world did I get myself into this kind of relationship…which often times appears “imaginary” based on Rori’s use of term…He is never physical…that is one of the best qualities about him…I can be hysterical and I trust I wont be hurt…

    Anyway, my response to his txt was “Hello J, hmm…I feel weird…I want to appreciate u effort to keep in touch with me…yet, u messages make me feel very sad…I feel like crying…They are so impersonal,cold…I feel confused…how can someone claiming to love me one day does not want to consider my feelings…does not call me by my name to say the least…take care.”

    He called me tonite…to assure me he loves me and he can’t stop thinking ab me…

    I felt good hearing from him directly…I felt reassured, touched…yet, because of our past…I still feel extremely vulnerable…and unsure about tomorrow…

    I have a few other guys I’ve been chatting/accepting dates once in while…When I see how other men think of me as “the one” for them…it hurts me to think that after all this time…I might not be the one for the one I love..

    Reading Marianne Williamson “A Return to Love”…has placed peace in my heart and a new beginning to get in touch with my core values – connected to God and understanding of real love…and now, Rori’s work helps me acquire a greater depth of understanding and interaction with myself and others…an emotional interaction which I felt so disconnected from for sooo long…

    I would love to hear your input/suggestions/changes…All sirens of course, I welcome u feedback :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:38pm

  317. 317: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    308: Daria says:

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    I’m feeling amused and happy because of 19′s cocky email to me haha. But I feel good and like playful reading it, and also pist and wrote him that but now I’m finding I feel happy!

    Ugh! This man! Look what he wrote:

    “I know you been waiting to hear from me, so I hit you on that line and I’m not getting through to you. What kinda cheapness is that I’m supposed to be able to talk to you anytime I want to. Also whats up with your pics, I know that you want attention, but your 28, I would think your too grown to put out pics like that, that’s something I would expect from someone who is 18 with low self-esteem to do, at least respect yourself and be getting payed or sponsored for what your wearing, but the average dude thinks “I can fu*ck her” or “I wanna fu*ck her” if your not stripping and getting payed for it, it makes no sense. I just remembered when you started crying when I ask you to suck me, most men can only offer dick, its rare when you can find a man who works on developing his physical, mental, and spiritual assets. I advise you to look inside and do something to really distinguish yourself from other women be the first woman to get a nobel peace prize for creating alternative economics, maybe something my people could use. Don’t think I’m judging you, I’m just stating my opinion, it holds clout! I’mma start giving you more quality attention, What’s your email? I need to keep you active at work because your smart enough to do anything!

    P.S: I rather see you naked.”

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:38pm

  318. 318: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella – so crazy the guy who was writing the texts in my example is the same one who’s message I justvpoated above.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:40pm

  319. 319: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    I know, go figure…the Universe is connecting us :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:48pm

  320. 320: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella – yes I don’t see the “impersonal” judgement.

    If it makes you feel bad… It seems the issue is something else… His texts would feel lovely and worshipping to me. My queen vs quern feels almost the same to me..,

    Sounds like you are upset about other things. Sometimes not answering a text when we already feeling turned off is what I’d do. Sometimes a ” how are you”. Feels bad because I’m already feeling angry.

    Make sure you circular date and your self esteem will rise, healing this situation for you. In this situation, its Crucial to circular date

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:53pm

  321. 321: GinaNo Gravatar says:

    es no bueno con Juanito. but I don’t give much of a durn.

    I feel on the crest of success and about to BLOOOOM!!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 10:55pm

  322. 322: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Gina!

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:04pm

  323. 323: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Cocky as’s bastard… Mm u feel so smy and good now tho hmmmm I feel happy .

    Also I feel pleased w my answer but I feel delighted at how big his head is and
    I feel confused how happy I feel. My dad also teases me hmmm

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:11pm

  324. 324: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    I actually feel relieved to hear you didn’t see the message as impersonal…I know I am very sensitive…

    Yes, the biggest issue is trust…:( I still don’t trust him…I want commitment…marriage…the full meal…Yet, he is not ready…wants me to be understanding of his business commitments/travel/…

    I expressed to him recently my goals for myself…I told him I will begin to accept offers for dates from now on…He was upset…

    Yet, quite a few things did change for better…He has increased interest to find time for us…more loving, responsive even though it may not be the way I always expect…I recognize the biggest change has been me…Lean back…no longer initiate anything…occupy my time with things that pleases me, I try to stay authentic…use my true voice…allow myself to be vulnerable…even to cry in front of him…I no longer attempt to play games…I am just me…at least a few layers “thinner”…

    I feel hopeful though :) Thank you for u support :)

    Hugs,

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:12pm

  325. 325: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My second answer “Ps – part of what I enjoy is to shatter prejudices and belief systems by presenting something with a certain appearance as a test of who can See. The ones who don’t at first then are shocked to find appearances are misleading.

    Check: Eshu-elegua, Pomba Gira “

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:13pm

  326. 326: LeoNo Gravatar says:

    @ # 281
    I have the same issues. I am actually living in Germany. And sometimes when I read all your feeling messages I am impressed by the word choice and why didnt I come up with this.
    I mean… my boyfriend does understand English and I have always been more comfortable about expressing my feelings in English (dont know why… (i have lived in the u.s. quite some time)).
    So now and again I am looking feeling-words up in a synonym-dictionary, so I get a wider range which i can then use with my boyfriend.
    It’s annoying though :D

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:14pm

  327. 327: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm Daria: Your response feels playful to me…Seductive, daring if I may say…I really love it :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:15pm

  328. 328: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella – awesome! Now cd will vault your self esteem and the life you want will start opening up.., it sounds like you’re takin all the steps I would as rori recommends

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:15pm

  329. 329: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Leo – I find that after awhile I get a few Feeling messages that ‘stick’ in my vocabulary, and others take more words and even … To he’ll with grammar… I want to express my Feeling! Then the intent gets across well

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:18pm

  330. 330: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella – thanks! That was my second response to him. I feel good cuz it’s something I’ve always enjoyed and didn’t really understand about me until recently… I love shocking people… In thus way… I love embracing contrasts and non judgement…

    My first message to him was:

    Lol! I feel amused and a bit offended. I like my pics and I don’t want to hear negativity. I feel flattered that u want to see me naked and by (what looks to me) as jealousy over other men and what they might think. I don’t want to be put down in anyway tho like that ” you’re 28″ comment I feel disrespected reading

    I feel confused about the issues reaching me… I have that number on my itouch… It’s mostly text… Calls when I am around it only … “

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:22pm

  331. 331: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Leo:

    Thank you for reading my post and responding…I feel happy and actually, relieved to be find that I am not the only one struggling finding emotional cues in a different language…

    Daria, Simply Shannon, Honey, Dorothea, Ella…(sorry if I forget anyone), have been good examples for me on using Feeling Messages…”The Modern Siren” program is also great visual program…(I purchased the DVD set).

    Hugs my fellow European,

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:24pm

  332. 332: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh Daria…That’s a Fabulouos message!!!! Shush, u are the Queen on txting as well…Hmm… I feel like I discovered a secret “weapon”…Daria :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:27pm

  333. 333: LeoNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella:
    Well…most of the sentences can’t be transalted directly…or if I would it would sound strange.
    But I try my best cause I really need to express my feelings. And my boyfriend is a really sensitive guy who always appreciated my expressing my feelings (like once i cried and he was overwhelmed and so greatful for it. it made him open up).
    But on other occasions I hid my feelings for I was scared that they might scare him off.

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:29pm

  334. 334: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Leo:

    Yes, me too…:) My concern is using them at the wrong time…:( So, I try to pace myself…and focus on my triggers…how I feel…I try to keep variety…

    I hope CD to help me feel more comfortable using the messages and also observe what triggers me…

    I began trying them at work with my colleagues…men and women…lol…Amazing…it feels weird still :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:34pm

  335. 335: LeoNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, it definitely feels weird most of the times. I mean…. I always used to say things like “that felt fun doing with you” (like positive things), but the negative ones are still so hard…
    Sometimes I even notice: I feel like that right now….but I am still to afraid to tell him that. But then at least I dont overfunction. I just shut my mouth if I am not willing/able to speak the truth.
    …babysteps! :D

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:39pm

  336. 336: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    Gosh, u statement “I like shocking people”…that was me big time…Age mellowed me out :) lol

    Hmm…Daria…u name resonates in me…”Dacia”…hmm…:) We might be connected more than we think :)

    Good nite :)

    Wednesday, 17 November 2010 @ 11:45pm

  337. 337: siaNo Gravatar says:

    re: 286
    ‘The patronizing behaviour was sia’s.’
    ‘She’s an idiot’

    pre rori i would say sorry, i had totally different intention, this is what i meant (rephrase).

    small part of me feels bad for how it turned out and compassion for the reaction of the listener, and the rest of me feels – hmm -liberated?. rori rocks

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 4:43am

  338. 338: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @296: Nikita says:
    “I want a new name too but I want everyone to know it’s me as well.”

    I thought “The Nikita Show” is your new name… no? Oops. :oops:

    SLV

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 5:56am

  339. 339: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @300: Nikita says:
    “I feel like I’ve built up something-like a belief system or value system with this name and I don’t relly want to start from scratch with everyone….then again maybe it could be a good thing?”

    I never got the impression you are anything less than multi-dimensional. With serving of astrology and sex on the side (but whispered) and lots of good humour. Is that you?

    SLV

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:07am

  340. 340: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: I was thinking about your question last night (read it on my phone but didn’t have time to respond) and I even talked to J about it.

    The difference here is that J and I are connected (I’m getting really, really tired of using that word but I don’t know how else to describe it) so we simply don’t have these differences. He said (when I read the question to him) “Well that’s simple! You put the child in the back seat and pump her full of natural remedies and I’ll drive. That way she’ll get all the natural stuff she needs on the way to the emergency room.” In other words, we would both get her doctor’s care so it’s really hard to say how we would react if we didn’t agree. It’s a scary thought to potentially not agree on something like that. Scary.

    Because of these similarities in how we think and feel and act, J and I just don’t argue about things like this.

    That being said, I can answer the hypothetical question of “what if” I was in a relationship where I didn’t agree with the man on big things like this and I can only tell you what I’ve done in the past (and assume I would do the same in the future) and that is I would take care of my daughter and fight about it later. I almost always do what I think is the best thing to do and I do that regardless of what anyone else thinks. (This is not advice…it is an explanation of who I am…)

    I don’t know if that’s a downfall or a positive trait but it is who I am. I would do what I thought was best (no compromise…lol) and I’d deal with him later. That’s how I was with J before we got to the level we are at now and that’s how I was with my ex husband. I don’t think anything about me has changed in that regard, I think J and I have just grown to a place where we “get” each other and anticipate each other and love each other enough to give and to receive without thought…thus without disagreement or compromise. Things that come up (big and small) never reach a point where there is even an issue…that’s the part I love so much.

    Hearing your story breaks my heart. When it comes to children, my ex husband and I agree on their care, etc. I can’t even imagine how painful it would be to have this happen…not to mention how scary it would be!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:08am

  341. 341: NicoleNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita,

    Thank you for your input. I appreciate it.

    I backed out of the wedding b/c I didnt want him to feel uncomfortable that I was there. I wanted to give him his space and I wanted him to miss me – show him life without me. I didn’t want to be THAT girl that he just takes to weddings b/c i feel like he was being alittle selfish – having his cake and eating it too. He was not ready to be exclusive but yet he wanted arm candy – I didnt like that.
    I know that this guy really cares about me. He wouldnt have done all the things he did throughout this process if he didnt. I think I was the first girl in a long time that got him to feel something and maybe in the beginning he got almost too excited and didnt know what to do with himself bc he hadnt felt like that in so long, which is why he wanted me to be his gf so fast, plus probably b/c he didnt want to lose me – but then it seems he realized a few weeks in, maybe im not ready for a commitment.
    What should I do??? The wedding is tomorrow night. Should I text him and say “Im sorry if it seems like I bailed on the wedding. I wasn’t try to be mean or cold, but I just didnt think you would feel comfortable w/ me being there and I want you to have a good time at your friends wedding.” OR should i just leave it alone???
    Im just scared he is never going to contact me again. Ohh, plus my birthday is on Monday, so it will be interesting to see if he messages me for it!

    Nicole

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:18am

  342. 342: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @301: Dorothea says:
    “because i want to be anonymous again. right now when u google my name/email address, my posts come up here. i don’t want to link that with my new name. defeats the purpose.”

    Hi Dorothea:

    I read this concern before. Life is short; if this is a concern, fix it. Here’s what I’d do:

    1)I’d get some new e-mail addresses. If the one used now is linked to this blog and i didn’t want it to be, I’d drop it like a hot potato! And get TWO new e-mail addresses.

    2)I’d choose a new e-mail address for this blog and I’d change username too. This would be my BLOG e-mail address.

    3)I would not use old e-mail address EVER AGAIN. I’d let its usage fade away. I’d sent out an e-mail on the old address that to avoid spamming issues I am changing my e-mail address and will contact them with the new one.

    4)I’d get a new e-mail address to replace the old one. So this is the SECOND new e-mail address not the Rori blog one. This would be my NEW PERSONAL e-mail address.

    5)I’d send a second e-mail using my NEW PERSONAL e-mail address to the list letting them know, here it is ==> my new personal e-mail address.

    A bit of trouble but once it’s done, it’s done. And I’d probably sign off on my old username by posting some throwing off the track info like my LI has finally proposed and we are getting married at Christmas and moving to Japan.

    And the new me/username would emerge with no connection with the first username and everyone could love me or hate me just the same.

    Or I could post simultaneously with two usernames…I hadn’t thought about it but that could be done. If one had time… for a while… throw off the Google snoops. :lol:

    The End.

    This is like going into “federal witness protection” isn’t it… :shock:

    SLV

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:29am

  343. 343: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Nicole:

    Hmm…Gosh, I can feel your sadness, confusion, hurt, rejected even???

    You can also direct this same question to Rori. I noticed she responds if you address to her directly with a question. :)

    From my short experience with Rori’s work, I remember she encourages us to be authentic at all times…no games…

    Speaking for myself, I would want to make sure I don’t have an alternative, selfish motive when I cancel or refuse something to do that he is asking/expecting of me…Now, I begin to notice myself more…my thinking, my reasons…and I do my best to stop myself before acting out my pain towards him in an deconstructive manner…:)

    Hugs,

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:31am

  344. 344: NicoleNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella,

    I will repost to Rori and see what she thinks. Do you think that I should just message him to clear the air?? OR do you think that i said what i said and just leave it alone?

    Nicole

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:39am

  345. 345: NicoleNo Gravatar says:

    RORI,

    Can you please read posts 240 and 333 and tell me what you think is the right thing to do at this point. I am having a hard time with this b/c I have never been through this w/ someone before.

    THANK YOU!!

    Nicole

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:41am

  346. 346: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @259: Laughing Goddess says:

    Shambooya Drums
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2zKj_LOxmw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

    Joyous! Love it!

    Are you the drummer in the light colored dress and red scarf? Oh, LG, that looks like fun! Fun to listen too.

    SLV

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:41am

  347. 347: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: I misread your comment and didn’t see where the doc said the natural remedies could be fatal to her. I wouldn’t do as I said in my earlier quote “pump her full of natural remedies on the way to the ER”. I would only do that if I thought no harm would come. I read your comment to mean the disease itself would be harmful or fatal without treatment by the doc. I’m sorry about the misinterpretation! On this one, and J isn’t here to agree but I know him well, we’d skip the natural stuff and go with the doc (but that’s just how we are…I love what tinque would do too…I just wouldn’t because I’m much less educated in the natural remedy department than she is). but if the natural remedies were not harmful then do with my first comment.

    Sorry…I was sleepy when I read it last night and read it wrong. So….J and I had a long discussion about the wrong issue. LOL Just our luck! :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:43am

  348. 348: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really bad that I misread the comment. :-( Now my reply sounds so incredibly mean to my own ears and I wish I could delete it. I would never hurt a child and I feel like I just put in writing that I would.

    I know it was a mistake, but it feels awful…

    :-(
    :-(
    :-(

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:47am

  349. 349: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Writing things down so that I don’t forget them.

    A few things dawned on me this morning.

    I believe that life has its challenges (hence reinforcing my “life ain’t easy” belief). Challenges are a good thing because we are growing creatures, e.g. we can’t no true joy without knowing true pain. We are not here on this earth just to take up space and la la la our way through life. We’re out there in the world pursuing our purpose (thank you Dorothea!).

    For some people, their refuge, their safe place, their place to rest, is their primary relationship. And the challenges occur OUTSIDE that relationship, i.e. where they are growing and learning and changing is outside of that primary relationship. Which is why their relationships are “perfect” and [insert comfort word here].

    And for some people, their primary relationship is the place where they grow the most, i.e. the challenges occur IN the primary relationship. Then maybe things outside of that relationship are their place of rest. And once they’ve done that growth IN the relationship, they switch to the first. And vice versa.

    It feels difficult to see the whole picture of a person when I’m here on a relationship blog, talking about one piece of a person’s life. I can’t see the whole “you”, so I project bits and pieces and judgments onto the part I can see.

    I feel better. I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to be. I want to be challenged and growing always. I want to fulfill my purpose here on earth.

    ***Paid for by the simply shannon show. I approve this message.***

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:48am

  350. 350: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Nicole:

    Yes, I think be patient for a bit…Rori, likely would respond..:) U response needs a bit of work on your part…Wished I didn’t have to run out the door…cause I had a few questions in my mind…

    Anyway, in Rori’s land…u thinking has to shift onto you…u made a comment about him…giving him space…so, u are still trying to make it about him…

    Shoot, I have to run…Gosh, many sirens here are great at this…Hope to read good news when I return…:)

    Hugs…:)

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:52am

  351. 351: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes, I felt good reading what you wrote. It’s the disagreement part that I wanted to understand. I think that was Lucy’s intent too. Or I could be projecting my own needs onto Lucy’s question. Lucy, I feel bad if I’ve take away the intent you wanted. Please correct me. I’d like to understand what you intended.

    Back to Mercedes… I would respond the same as you would.

    These messages are exactly the ones I’m dealing with…

    “It’s a scary thought to potentially not agree on something like that. Scary.”

    and this…

    “I almost always do what I think is the best thing to do and I do that regardless of what anyone else thinks.”

    Going into my relationship I believed my ex and I had similar values but we didn’t. I do feel scared about those potentially big life issues where we may not agree. Like in Lucy’s case. She couldn’t have known going in that she’d ever have to deal with something like that. And once she and her ex got to that issue, well… how do you deal with it?

    It’s a conundrum.

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:56am

  352. 352: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    P.S. Mercedes, I don’t believe you would ever hurt a child. You could write those words verbatim (ala “I would hurt a child”) on this blog and I wouldn’t believe it. That’s simply not how I see you. (((HUGS)))

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:58am

  353. 353: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you SS…that feels good to read.

    As far as relationships go, I think getting to what I have takes a long time. I know everyone talks on here about how if he’s not ready to marry you within so much time (I forget the amount of time Rori has put on that) then he probably won’t be…or something like that…in any case, it’s a quick road to marriage or something is wrong.

    For me, I disagree. J and I spent a lot of time together developing this and we’re not married, we don’t plan to be, etc. What if we were married when he cheated? We would be divorced most likely…I don’t know if I could have handled that in my marriage. Not being married allowed me to walk away and date. Being married would have stopped me from doing that (because of my own values and beliefs around marriage) and I’m guessing (speculating here) I would have filed for divorce and walked away forever. Not being married “allowed” me to walk away and circular date while he worked on himself.

    That’s a long way of saying that I believe relationships take a LOT of time to grow into something that really, really is or feels like a “sure thing”. J and I are now on five years and we’re still growing together every single day and have no plans to marry. I do believe though that a couple who gets married after 5, 8, 10, 15 years of dating has a better chance of making it work than a couple who gets married after 1 or 2 years of dating. I have ZERO evidence to back that up…just my own experience with how far my relationship has come over time and how in the beginning, if we had been married, we most likely would be divorced.

    Sometimes I just ramble…sorry…

    Not to mention that’s not what most women here want to hear. LOL “Date the guy forever and you won’t get divorced!” haha! That’s not exactly my advice…lol But at the same time, the longer you are with someone the better you get to know each other.

    Maybe what made J and I so strong is that he really, really spent a lot of time working on himself after what he did. He spent that time making SURE he was right for me and that he would never do anything to hurt me again. When he came back to me and when I agreed to try again, he was a whole person who knew what he wanted in a woman, knew who that woman was and knew we were right. From that point forward we were no longer dealing with separate issues…we had worked that out and knew we were right.

    Here I go again…rambling. I guess:

    1. Allow a relationship time to grow.
    2. Be entirely whole and be ready to truly be a part of a relationship with all the giving and receiving required.
    3. Make sure you have a partner who is also #2.
    4. Learn how each of you handles very, very difficult situations and really take a look at your heart and see if that reaction from your partner is good for you so that when things do come up, you will know at a minimum how they will deal with YOU when times are tough.
    5. Have all the stars align and all the right prayers answered and all the universe gifts in place. (That’s the only answer I really have for what happened to me…)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:21am

  354. 354: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    “I’d love to hear how you and K work through “life” stuff when you don’t agree.”

    Shannon – This is again difficult to answer because we don’t disagree. It may sound like I’m a patsy or a doormat, but it’s not like that. So far in nine years, nothing has been SO important to me that I can’t flow with what is.

    Maybe I’m more mutable than some, I don’t know.

    K is much like this too, so maybe this is why things are easy between us.

    I agree with Miss M though that if something meant that much to me or I felt so strongly about it, I suppose I would act on my belief and deal with any potential argument later.

    I like your pondering about growing in and out of a relationship. What a great thing to think about. In my experience I grew hugely in the relationship at first, and yes it did switch to outside the relationship after several years.

    I have to say I prefer having the relationship be my refuge though the growing I did with him was invaluable, a gift really.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:25am

  355. 355: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    I second the notion that it takes a LONG time to really get know another being and achieve an easy flow and a deep, intimate connection.
    I have said it takes at least two if not three years to have all the cards on the table and that’s when living together.
    Little or big things can still emerge in the time which may very well be deal breakers. But then again hidden gems can come forth too.
    xxoo

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:29am

  356. 356: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque: “This is again difficult to answer because we don’t disagree.”

    That’s where we’re at. That’s why it’s so hard to explain because all the questions about specific situations are hypothetical for us. Right now I feel like I could take 1000 examples of things couples don’t agree on and I could tell you, without J even being here, how he and I would handle it. Then I believe I could take it all back to him and he would say “yes…that’s what we would do.” – we just don’t disagree and we really, really know each other.

    I also think that if something was really near and dear to my heart and my belief system he would be on board with me. Because he loves me. Because he knows my heart. Because he wouldn’t hurt me. Because that’s what couples do…they share experiences in their hearts and once you involve the heart, if you are on the right level with each other the way you and I are in our relationships, there is no disagreement. It just doesn’t happen and it’s really, really hard to explain…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:31am

  357. 357: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    I just learned that one of my CDs is really struggling today. I don’t know what the problem is, but he is really down and took the day off work to just hang out.

    What (if anything) should I do or say?

    My instincts are to “be here” for him, take him some soup, offer to listen, etc. but those are definitely leaning forward moves and I don’t want him to feel like I’m a friend or his mom!

    But I do want him to know that I care … in a sireny, goddessy way!

    Any ideas?

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:32am

  358. 358: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Rachel – Most men DO NOT like to be fawned over. They usually prefer to work things out for themselves. But you can say to him that you feel badly he’s having a hard time. And leave it at that. If he wants to reach out to you, he will.
    xxoo

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:39am

  359. 359: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Rachel, I think the thing to say would be something like this…”I am sorry you’re having a rough time….I am here if you would like to talk” Really, anything else would be leaning forward in my book…what do you think?

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:39am

  360. 360: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Rachel: If he took time off work to just hang out then he probably wants to be alone. If it were me and told me he was down and was just going to hang, I’d do nothing…then we he reached out to me again I would say “I want you to know I care.” :-)

    I’m sure he does know you care…but everything in me believes anything you do at this point is leaning forward in a push him away kind of way. If you know he’s down because he sent you a text or email and told you just say something like: “I’m sorry you’re feeling down. I’ll be thinking of you.”…something like that…something caring. But if you’ve already had the conversation and he’s planning to hang but didn’t invite you to hang with him…well…he doesn’t want soup…he wants to be alone.

    I could be off base on this, but my instincts say do nothing (but don’t ignore him if you haven’t already responded) and wait for him to say “I need you.”

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:41am

  361. 361: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Ok…how do all of you say it with so many fewer words…

    It took me like 100 words to say what two other people say it 10.

    Sheesh!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:42am

  362. 362: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Dang! Now I gotta work! And then off to Seattle for the weekend…

    Have a great day everyone and I’ll hopefull be back out here on Monday for inspiration and learning and giving back.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    **PS: Lucy…if you’re struggling at all with my earlier comment please reach out to me via email (wkquestion@gmail.com) so we can talk about it (I will check email on vacation and respond if it’s important – like this – this is important)…I hate it when I read something wrong and respond in a way I don’t mean. I get tears in my eyes every time I think about what I said, so if it is affecting you the same way, please send me an email and I’ll respond from my phone.

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:48am

  363. 363: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Miss M – You’re SO Aries lol.
    Joking aside, it took me a long time to learn to condense, and lo and behold I found my messages to be not only more concise but more understandable. BUT I’m still an Aries at core too, so I LOVE a long story.
    xxoo
    Have a fantabulous time. muah

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:56am

  364. 364: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes,

    Do you leave the puppy home alone? I have become a de facto (? Is that right?) stay at home mom and I miss being out and about doing my own thing (read: making more money) – I work part-time and babysit this dog all the time, she’s six months now and I’m thinking it’s ok? I’m working today and he’s cutting his day short to rush home for the dog. Sweet but I’m feeling a little trapped here…. ( and we disagree about leaving the tv on for the dog, I’d prefer the radio with classical music playing, he prefers t.v. On for the dog)

    So does your puppy have a nanny?

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:59am

  365. 365: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    P.s. He wins because we don’t have a radio-

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 8:00am

  366. 366: siaNo Gravatar says:

    tinque, mercedes,

    I have a question for you – how did you inspire your men to work on themselves?
    Do you have anything repeatable for other women?

    Rori doesn’t believe in ‘the one’, but from what you write, seems to me your partners knew you were ‘the one’ for them – and that scares me somehow – because what if I meet or have met a guy whom I am ‘the one’ for and he just doesnt realize it, and doesnt work on himself and… the end..

    My friend has inspired me to ask this – he is a handsome feminine energy men, who had string of girlfriends (a different one every 3 months) throwing themselves at him. Now he has been with one girl (who overfunctions and is needy and clingy with him and really cool with everyone else, I like her a lot) for a year, and he has told me 2 weeks in – i have never felt like this before, I am thinking of marriage for the first time in my life.

    And she experiences some huge emotionality issues now, which resurfaced due to feeling so close to someone. She behaves abusively towards him, acknowledges it, but cannot help it. So he is paying for her therapy and participating himself, so that he can facilitate her healing.

    He, too, does it because he feels she is the one. He wouldnt have tried to adjust his behaviour for any of his previous girlfriends.

    Could those girls have done something? to inspire him to grow? or is ‘the one’ thing that which worked in your relationships?

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 8:06am

  367. 367: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    sia – “how did you inspire your men to work on themselves”

    I don’t know if K thought I was “the one” right from the beginning, but he must have because I was quite a mess, and still he stayed. I think it’s in part because he saw me hard at work on myself though maybe he just wanted to wait and see how things unfolded which may be saying the same thing.
    (Rori does believe in “the one” by the way. I’m not sure where you got this, or maybe I’m misunderstanding you.)
    Now work on self is not something K and I talk about. I don’t recommend anyone talking about it with their men. This is something women talk about not men, for the most part.
    A woman will inspire a man to work on himself by working on herself. If he really feels this is his forever woman, he will want to do what it takes to keep her as his forever woman.
    I truly believe though that most of their work is not anywhere near as consciously done as is ours. Some of it maybe, but most of it just evolves and emerges within him, as we grow and change.
    I remember lamenting once (okay maybe a few times) about why I have to do all the work. K just goes along and does what he wants. BUT in retrospect, he’s done a HUGE amount of work on himself. He’s changed a lot, and its been in direct relation to my work and growth and change.
    Men take our lead in this; they grow through our hearts, but it’s usually done quietly (no fanfare) and sometimes, maybe often without their immediate awareness.
    So there’s nothing you can say to him or show him aside from keeping the focus on YOU and your healing.
    xxoo

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 8:23am

  368. 368: siaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you, tinque

    no on ‘the one’ – not sure where i got that from
    I am thinking that if the man thinks I am ‘the one’, I dont need to ‘bother’ with feeling messages to bring him closer – he will feel close no matter what, seeing right through my behaviour and words into my heart/essence.

    My friend’s girlfriend does a lot of pushing away behaviour (as defined by rori), but he still thinks she is the one.

    very confused..

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 8:30am

  369. 369: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Okay…well that didn’t take long. I thought I would have no more time to blog today…guess I was wrong. My job can be boring during downtimes. lol :-)

    Nikita: Our dog stays home alone while we’re at work and has since we brought him home from the breeder. Starting that out new with a dog who isn’t used to it…well…I recommend taking it slowly to adjust for separation anxiety. When we go on trips, we kennel him with this amazing place that runs him and feeds him and even upgraded him to a suite the first time because he seemed nervous. LOL They have these really cool dog houses they sleep in and they socialize with other dogs, etc. He loves it there and probably wishes he could just move in. LOL

    sia: J started working on himself when I told him I never wanted to see him again. I blew up (bad) and stormed out with a complete refusal to even be his friend. Never wanted to hear his voice, told him to delete my number, etc. He thought he lost me forever.

    I wasn’t doing it to inspire him. I was doing it to take care of myself. I was so angry that I ended up working on ME (meaning setting my boundaries in stone) and he was so shocked (probably never before really believing I would walk out of his life forever) that he started working on what kind of man he really wanted to be vs what kind of man he was showing the world he was. He worked hard but not because I asked him to. Actually, at that time I believed it didn’t matter how hard he worked, he simply didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell with a woman like me.

    Well…he worked…and didn’t delete my phone number. I spent weeks ignoring his texts and calls and then one day I answered so I could tell him to stop…really, just stop. And he said all the right things to get me to listen again. He continued to work on himself (for several months) while I dated other men and he begged me to stop dating. Slowly it all came together. I saw a new man (the one I always knew he could be and the one he never knew he could be) and we tried again.

    When it happened, I had not only a lover, I had my best friend back. I was a new, stronger me and he was a new stronger him. We had talked about everything a lot while we were broke up, but when I took him back I did so with the full agreement to myself that he would not have to pay for his mistakes for the rest of his life. I forgave him. Totally forgave him. We still talk about it sometimes but not in a sad way…now it’s just in a way that we feel so lucky we were able to find ourselves and find each other again…and that we’re happy he didn’t delete my number. :-)

    I don’t know how to inspire a man any more than anyone else but I agree with tinque. It starts with working on ourselves…to the point of walking away if that is what’s best. He needs to do whatever he needs to do and I don’t think we can “make” him but if we are always taking care of ourselves, I think most men will automatically be inspired to do the same.

    Not sure that helps, but that’s my story.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    and I get what you’re saying tinque but I haven’t mastered the short story yet… :-)

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 8:43am

  370. 370: siaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you, mercedes
    i dont see anything which i could use, but i feel inspired just by existence of your and T. relationships and i love it when you both describe them. thank you.

    so you are both aries?

    I had a wild imagination in which tinque’s real name was quentin minus n.:)

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 8:50am

  371. 371: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Mercedes and Tinque, for addressing my question.

    “I can’t even imagine how painful it would be to have this happen…not to mention how scary it would be!”

    Yes, and this is just one of countless examples of where I felt I could not give in to his point of view, because I was afraid for my child/ren.

    The remedies in question did have potential to seriously harm her, based on her medical condition (which includes impaired liver, kidneys, and pancreas among other things, so her body does not process substances in a normal way) and interaction with her medications.

    Another example was that he repeatedly neglected to wash his hands before preparing her respiratory treatments, saying it’s not that big a deal — and of course it was a big deal, as we had been told over and over and over again.

    Whenever we had a difference of opinion, I always gave in to him (including when he wanted to use plywood to build the playhouse, even though, just as I expected, it rotted out in no time) — EXCEPT when it involved the safety/health of our children. At those times, we did fight. I had to put my foot down.

    I will say, though, that using feeling messages may have helped the fights to be less intense. I would have tried, “I feel scared.” It may or may not have made a difference.

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 9:06am

  372. 372: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Tinque, Jeannette and Mercedes!

    I sent a short note and haven’t heard anything back… so i guess he’s processing! Meanwhile I’m feeling good that I feel unattached to the outcome!

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 9:15am

  373. 373: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes,

    Ugh! I knew he was just teaching me to spoil her! (I’m a cat person, so I didn’t understand what the big deal was) she is really good, I have house-broken her and she never chews wires or gets into real trouble (aside from being a sock thief-his fault! Lol). I was eagerly waiting for her to be 6months so I could send her to daycare- (I know, I know) I think it’ll be a great opportunity for her to make little friends(she’s a small breed and is inside a lot), but Mr.Big says “Not My dog!” WTF ? I recall her being MY b-day gift! And I have dreamt of sending my dog to daycare to meet other dogs and be in a pack !!! :) it’s all very romantic to me- Mr.Big and I have Never been so different, we have gotten along great and agreed but the puppy has thrown a curve at us and he gets the edge because he thinks he’s the expert( did I mention he has strong Aries in his birth-stuff?) since he is a “dog person”, but I’m a researcher and I want my life back!!!!!

    I feel so sad leaving her alone now and he isn’t helping by not letting me satiate my anxiety with doggie day-care….what to do? I want to feel enthusiastic about working more but I feel stuck and sad-like I have to play small and sacrifice for 6 pounds of dog :( I love her but doesn’t she need some “me” time??
    How old wAS your dog when you brought him home from the breeder?

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 9:18am

  374. 374: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Mercedes! Now I’m reading where you feel so bad about misreading my post! It’s okay, really. :) I understood your first post to mean that you would give the remedies thinking that IF they turned out to be harmful you were on your way to the hospital anyway and they would fix it. Lol.

    I didn’t think anything bad about you. <3

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 9:21am

  375. 375: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Like in Lucy’s case. She couldn’t have known going in that she’d ever have to deal with something like that. And once she and her ex got to that issue, well… how do you deal with it?”

    Right, Shannon, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

    When my daughter was diagnosed at 3 months old, my ex-h and I had only been married a little over a year, and the hospital social worker told us that 80% of marriages end in divorce when there is a child with a life-threatening chronic illness. As Christians, we “knew” we would be in the other 20%.

    Yeah, right.

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 9:31am

  376. 376: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella – I am most certainly born and deeply steeped in Dacia

    :)

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 9:38am

  377. 377: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I recently sent an encouraging note to a man who is going through a hard time, and got a response that made my day:

    “Thank you. Everything is one day at a time right now. That’s all I can muster at the moment. I look for little blessings from sweet angels – like you.”

    Awwww…….

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 9:52am

  378. 378: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    “no on ‘the one’ – not sure where i got that from
    I am thinking that if the man thinks I am ‘the one’, I dont need to ‘bother’ with feeling messages to bring him closer – he will feel close no matter what, seeing right through my behaviour and words into my heart/essence.”

    sia – I suppose this can be true, but in my opinion it’s more about the intent, the feeling behind the words no matter what they are.
    I am like Miss M more in that I don’t use feeling messages for everything. I have found that I tend to use them more automatically for good feeling situations.
    When I have something serious to discuss which is like hardly ever, I will deliberately use them.
    The situation you’re describing sounds tenuous at best. But then again if she’s being “difficult” this can be attractive to some men as in she’s a challenge. A kind of push pull kind of thing.
    Know this too that a man can and will change his mind on a dime so to speak if his “the one” ever does something that crosses his line whatever his line might be.
    For example in K’s case, cheating, and this includes even making a coffee date, would do it. I’m not of course talking about visiting with a friend who he knows about. I’m talking making plans to see someone, check them out and behind his back.
    So with feeling messages, you can’t go wrong using them though know the difference between saying “I feel..” when it’s really a thought. eg. “I feel you’re an idiot” is not a feeling.

    It took me awhile to figure out the quentin. I’m very open about my real name. I love my real name. I would have no problem sharing here if it’s requested.
    Tinque came about because I have a friend who thinks of me as a little tinkerbell and calls me this, so I spell it the way I do because of my real name.

    And yes Miss M and I are both Aries, yet we’re so different because I have an equal dose of air as fire in my chart, two grand trines.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 10:06am

  379. 379: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    I think I might have had a comment go into moderation? Not sure if that’s what happened or if I closed before I submitted because I was posting just seconds before someone at work needing me…and now I can’t remember if I submitted comment or not.

    But to Nikita: I totally understand some people have problems with doggie daycare…we were nervous about it at first too (scared of diseases, etc) but found one that we love. We don’t pay to take him daily or anything like that, but it is nice to be able to go away for a long weekend and not worry about him. During the day…well…he’s just used to it I guess because he doesn’t seem to mind at all. We brought him home at 8 weeks and 2 days old. I actually carried him! LOL Not anymore! 75+ lbs….he is a house dog as well (Houston is too hot for big outside dogs in my opinion) and just hangs with us when we’re home…hangs alone when we’re out and hangs at daycare when we’re away. It works. I don’t know if he needs “me time” LOL but I do know he likes socializing with the other puppies at daycare. He also likes jumping on me and trying to knock me in the pool…but that’s out fault…he needs a touch more work on obedience…lol

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 10:16am

  380. 380: siaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you once more, tinque!

    it makes a bit more sense now. the one, but still dealbreakers.

    I did not feel especially curious about your real name, I found the image of you being in reality a bloke named quentin hilarious and wanted to share.

    Also ‘i am feeling educated against my will’ wasnt a proper feeling message from me to you, plus i could have added ‘i am not able to feel appreciative of your good helping intention right now, but i feel trust it is there’. xxx

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 10:41am

  381. 381: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    I like that; I’m a dude, and my name is quentin. Ooh I can’t wait to tell K tonight. hah
    And yes you got it on the feeling message stuff. yay.
    xxoo

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 10:46am

  382. 382: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS and Sexy Lady:

    I feel melty and happy and a little shy receiving your compliments :-)

    thank you!

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 11:10am

  383. 383: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Alright Mercedes,

    I was concerned about kennel cough too but I’d like to take her once a week, half a day, just for playtime and to “toughen her up” a little lol! We live in a house but I want her to be socialized enough to thrive in manhattan :) I want one of those, cool, nothing can phase me dogs- she’s pretty sheltered( his choice ) right now and I want her to be “street smart”-( lmao!! ) too; literally! I want her to understand traffic and stuff……thx for the vote of confidence, it’s time to cut the apron strings :D

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 11:23am

  384. 384: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @353: Mercedes:
    “It took me like 100 words to say what two other people say it 10.”

    I’m message length challenged, working on that too. I’m getting better. Today I saw a newcomer to my old forum was “lengthier” than I; I rejoiced!

    SLV

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 11:26am

  385. 385: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    “I want one of those, cool, nothing can phase me dogs”

    I want one of those too!!!!

    Right now I have a “scattered – OMG!!!!!- let me see the world!!!!-let GO of the leash!!!! – I NEED to see that up close and personal!!!!” kind of dogs…

    But we’re working on it…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 11:30am

  386. 386: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita:
    “you need place and time of birth down to the minute….I like astro . com
    or astrodienst…. make a profile and plug in the numbers…it does the work for you”

    I did that. These are just the highlights…

    The overall impression you project is one of a self-reliant and strong-willed person.

    Once your mind is made up, there is little anyone can do to change it.

    You are most satisfied when you follow your own judgment in any situation of conflict.

    Sometimes you seem to lack judgment and discrimination because of your pursuit of the unusual.

    Your life will be in many ways influenced by decisions you make that have been motivated by your pride, desire for power, for authority, and your need to convince others of your courage.

    Another aspect of this zodiacal sign is that your personality becomes excessively charged with passion

    You are very self-assured and you implement ideas with a self-assurance that lets nothing get in your way of success.

    ***It would be beneficial to you, however, if you were not so candid and frank and if you did not expect others to act and feel as you do.*** (wha??? who??? meeee????)

    Your negative tendencies are arrogance and pride.

    Both your childhood and even your older age will be characterized by a love of romance, various journeys, and interesting adventures.

    Publicly you appear as a vital, proud, powerful person.

    Your individuality has the need to manifest itself publicly and often to foist its energy on others. (Ummm….sorry…obviously I can’t help it..)

    Your liabilities include an exaggerated pride, arrogance and a tendency to rely too much on your own resources.

    **So…is this thing saying pride and arrogance are issues for me??? LOL :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 11:46am

  387. 387: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella – I feel triggered by the age mellowed me out comment…. I dint want to be seen as a certain age…

    Old women can use shocking qualities.. I use spirits and goddesses in my psyche

    The trickster archetype , goddess, pomba gira, baubo,

    Etc…

    The ‘devil’

    Play tricks in order to shatter belief systems… I’ve very much Bern drawn to do this ..,

    I feel happy to find it as a spirit quality

    I embrace it and love it…

    It’s not so much about mellow or not..

    I feel a bit misunderstood and sad reading that.,,

    I feelbad to hear that from u cuz it gives me an impression of limitation, of missing something, bearing a burden of age

    I feel angry at that I don’t believe in that. I believe from now on age will bring me more joy freedom and strength… And that feels good.

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 1:11pm

  388. 388: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria # 379:

    So sorry…:( Gosh, I thought about what I posted last nite in bed…and I soooo had a uncomfortable feeling it was probably used not in the way intended (lack of sufficient definition…it was very late indeed when i wrote it).

    Well, I am 38 based on some of the communique you posted it showed u were possibly in your late twenties…

    My comment was a nostalgic comment…It was about me…I feel sad about missing my entire 20s to an awful marriage…:( I began dating for the 1st time and going out after 8 pm around 32/33 (divorced at 30).

    Mellowing out is a nostalgic statement…:) It was not mean intended but I totally understand it was not explained properly…:( I would have felt the same way had someone said that to me…:(

    Thank you for pointing that out to me :)

    Hugs :)

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:11pm

  389. 389: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella –

    HUGS Back! that IS how i read it… and i felt bad… i don’t want Sirens feeling bad. NOTHING is ever LOST i promise! Truly, there is so much joy and more than we can imagine… and we will have it… babysteps

    PS – do you hail from the Dacian Danubian tribes as well?

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:14pm

  390. 390: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria @ 368: YAY!!!! I soooo knew it!!!! I felt you :)

    Daria Darling, I will keep my status of “Queen of …since you have already assumed the role of Goddess :)

    What do you think????

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 6:15pm

  391. 391: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella – I’m willing to share both titles whether you want to or not lol

    Love, Danubian Goddess Sister Queen

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:33pm

  392. 392: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Well Queen Daria,

    LOL – Your response made me feel tingly :) I figured u would respond at such :) Sharing is my “middle” name …did I mention that? :)

    You know when I first meet a man and I am asked “where are u from?”…I answer: “Well, if you solve this riddle, then you will find out…:)

    ~ “I am stubborn like a Dacian and Passionate like a Roman…” :)

    I feel happy to have met you on Rori’s Siren Land :)

    Lots of Love and Hugs, your Goddess Sister Queen Ella…

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:44pm

  393. 393: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – there’s more to our history than roman conquest… theres the Amazons and the matrifocal Danubian cultures that shared with egypt and mesopotamia…

    i have an article from an ethnologist on my blog (click my name and go a few posts down)

    new stuff coming alive now to heal me and ancestral hurts

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:48pm

  394. 394: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    Hmm…interesting indeed :) Thank you for sharing :)

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 7:54pm

  395. 395: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    How can I load a pic on this site??? Btw, I am following u…I also have a blogger site :)

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 8:10pm

  396. 396: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Darling Ella – http://www.gravatar.com... will load the picture all across websites associated with the e-mail you put in…

    that’s how Rori showed us to do it so it will show up on here as well,, as well as other blogs you comment

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 8:20pm

  397. 397: girliegirlNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, I won’t be surprised if you want to change your username after throwing stones while living in the glass house…I would too.

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 9:36pm

  398. 398: VioletNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ! I haven’t been on any kind of forum/chat before . I just happened upon this ( rori’s) website today and started reading this thread . It is refreshing because it seems like the women here are so honest & real ~more like me and very supportive of one another-speaking in a language I can relate to : ) ! I spent a decade living & traveling overseas w/ my husband -now my x- and readjusting to this American life & culture is so hard. I am getting used to being divorced….the learning curve has been high. I am feeling wiser and more fulfilled over time , but it has taken years. Dating is a trip ! I have been hurt by men who say they want to date me and were only trying to get in my pants : ( ! Learning to love myself, be authentic and stand in my truth-not compromising . At times confused, curious, questioning, processing. Wow ! life……Many Blessings to all of you lovely womyn !!

    Thursday, 18 November 2010 @ 10:39pm

  399. 399: Darling EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    Thank you for sharing the info…I feel frustrated…Not sure what’s going on…after I load the pic…I look for the dots to adjust the pic…There is no square and there are no dots…:( I keep going back to the site…maybe there the site has a glitch…or maybe…i am doing something wrong…can’t figure it out…

    Gosh, I have a headache already…I feel weird for a Friday morning…:(

    Friday, 19 November 2010 @ 6:44am

  400. 400: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Girliegirl – it feels bad to see you attacking Nikita. Not cool.

    This blog is not for judgement or debates.

    It Is for exploring our voices and a part of that is the inner Drama Queen, which I nikitA and Slv are sometimes practicing. There is a rori article on this that can be found in the article list.

    Rori encourages full self expression, including parts of ourselves others or we might deem “bad”

    She also discourages judgements.

    Sometimes they do come out anyways, but yelling and calling people bit he’s is not a judgement.,, it’s a Riff.

    Sometimes judgements are very polite, yet they are judgements nonetheless.

    I don’t want judgements on my island.

    Yelling I hate you Nikita u BIT’CH is appropriate however.

    Friday, 19 November 2010 @ 7:27pm

  401. 401: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi violet! Welcome to expressive feeling siren island.

    Friday, 19 November 2010 @ 7:29pm

  402. 402: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    I do feel much more comfortable hearing :
    ” I hate you Nikita u BIT’CH “.

    This feels clear and safe to hear- I can honor this. I hear frustration and disappointment. I hear raw emotion.

    Assuming I would change my username because of stones and glass houses feels dismissive and competitive. This feels sad. This feels like fear that is not being given real expression…..I hear a shaming tone there….but I don’t feel connected. It’s sort of like…..mmmm….can you tell me how you really feel? Or are you trying to bully me into fitting your agenda ? Yeah, I feel pushed, needled, jabbed, I feel amused. I feel , aawww – maybe YOU would change your username after throwing stones from a glass house…. But saying this to me won’t make it true. Neither will labeling anything I wrote; deranged, it just won’t make it true. I feel happy you are showing your nature after only a few posts ;)

    Friday, 19 November 2010 @ 8:23pm

  403. 403: Siren SandyNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies:

    I have been a reader of Rori’s work for some time and only recently found this site. I am delighted to see such an awesome group of women actually practing the things I stumble through.

    Today, I finally want to share that more than my reading, you all have inspired me to really work at being the Siren I know I am.

    I practice all the time, however the men I am exposed to are mostly at work..and probably not the best place to be a siren! Smiles.

    I suffered an odd set back this week and it made me feel undesirable for the first time in a long time.

    I met someone on POF a few weeks ago and after the approrpriate number of emails and telephone conversations we met for drinks and dinner. I practiced all my “leaning back” tools and it was an awesome experience. He was “reeled” in so to speak.. however, I am not really sure I really liked him that much. He is a really nice man and there was some definate chemistry…but I think all the leaning back made me lose interest! LOL. However, he couldnt get me to commit to a next date fast enough during the next few days. I finally said I could see him on Satruday, (I was busy tonight) and he thought that was a great day since he was going to be flying on Friday and would be tired when he got home. However, that was Tuesday and now its Fri and I havent heard a word. So.. Since I can be unavailable tomorrow … is it appropriate for me to make other plans? I am not going to wait and see if he still wants to get together. Maybe I am feeling needy, but I think it would have been appropriate for him to contact me before then. No?

    Would love to hear your very candid thoughts!~

    Sandy

    Friday, 19 November 2010 @ 9:03pm

  404. 404: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    emotional blackmail!

    Friday, 19 November 2010 @ 10:06pm

  405. 405: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    What is emotional blackmail, Nikita? I feel curious.

    Friday, 19 November 2010 @ 10:12pm

  406. 406: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    Its a book. But it is like – damned if u do damned if you don’t.
    Sort of like leading from the back- or your mom saying if you don’t do xyz than you don’t love her …. I can’t explain it but it’s a book and I bet it’s on amazon if u want to research the concept. Nite

    Friday, 19 November 2010 @ 10:38pm

  407. 407: girliegirlNo Gravatar says:

    “Assuming I would change my username because of stones and glass houses feels dismissive and competitive. This feels sad. This feels like fear that is not being given real expression…..I hear a shaming tone there….but I don’t feel connected. It’s sort of like…..mmmm….can you tell me how you really feel? Or are you trying to bully me into fitting your agenda ? Yeah, I feel pushed, needled, jabbed, I feel amused. I feel , aawww – maybe YOU would change your username after throwing stones from a glass house…. But saying this to me won’t make it true. Neither will labeling anything I wrote; deranged, it just won’t make it true. I feel happy you are showing your nature after only a few posts ”

    Ah vey, this is rich coming from you. :) So Daria and you define who/what is judgmental who/what is not sort of like santa, huh? and which voice is acceptable which voice is not. Somehow my “BS” radar went off real wildly. and if you don’t like a voice because you project your own judgment, trigger and personal issues in there, you are free to call the posters ho and bitch and all sorts of names. and you call it “unleashing your inner drama queen” or “riffing” or whatever. but when those you don’t like try to say something in their own ways, you pick them apart to pieces and tell them where they’re wrong even when they don’t mean it the way you think they do.

    sorry but where I come from it’s called bullshit aka double standard. what’s good for the good is good for the gander. if you don’t see what neurosis means, my, look into your recent posts that Rori removed (I can’t find them anymore now). Even they’re too disturbing to Rori’s taste.

    truth is everyone is arguing with most everyone else (daria with lucy,daria with honey, dorothea with jacqueline, loneplum with jacqueline, dorothea with erika, erika with mercedes, mercedes with shannon, and you I don’t know who ’cause I don’t care about your posts either and so on and so forth) yet you singled out one person and bullied her like she killed your cat and acted like everyone else was so non judgmental and level-headed (that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard). it’s true there is so much drama in here, what’s wrong with stating the fact? is saying the truth not allowed anymore if you don’t belong to a clique??? that’s what you and others who are defending you are doing, a clique trying to exclude some who don’t follow what you like to impose on others. I call it bullying.

    Friday, 19 November 2010 @ 11:43pm

  408. 408: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm. I enjoy my wild and strong voice. I stand behind my glorious profanity.

    I don’t stand behind my judgements though.,, those are clouds.

    And, my first recent round of profanity came in with me defending Katarina.

    I don’t like to see anyone getting attacked.

    I Do feel better upgrading to direct profanity over subtle criticism. I am undergoing transition with my roaring voice.

    It feels better to me to be authentic and rageful than to attempt to shame others… That feels bad and I feel happy I am babystepping to moving away from that.

    Plus I’m owning my killer voices and healing my psyche, mire bonuses.

    I feel bad reading posts misunderstanding people’s hearts in general.

    I feel hugely furious that certain ways of talking would be considered ‘below’ others. That makes me feel outraged like racism. I feel like destroying over that and I will always stand for self expression non judgement and freedom.

    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 1:04am

  409. 409: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita did use judgements… She is only babystepping as well. She’s transitioning as well. The last line about true colors felt bad to read yes.

    And posts about street language being not as good feel horrible like saying a certain color or way of dress is less than others. Ugh. I feel so infuriated about thus I Hate hate hate this blindness that I’ve ran into this lifetime.

    I hate discrimination sooo much. If discrimination was a person I would want to freaking strangle her.

    Dear Daria there is no one better than you. Not a better color not a better way of speaking or living or thinking. You ate the best the ultimate u are the template of spirit. I love you and you are as lovely as every being that ever is.

    Ugh… I feel icky that icky feeling posts attack people, I feel sad that I feel unseen and not honored and not loved

    I don’t want this… I want clarity and I want compassion…

    Hmm maybe compassion is making a comeback to mix with rawness and create supermadness.

    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 1:13am

  410. 410: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    I wrote “true nature” not colors . Nature.
    – as in you are clearly not showing up as a helpless victim, in fact you are probably EXACTLY like me or they way you describe me :)
    not better, and no worse. You’re anger at me is anger at yourself. I feel happy. You see, it’s not so easy to be mother Theresa.

    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 5:29am

  411. 411: siaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘true nature’ colors? was that directed at me? or mother Theresa remark?

    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 6:21am

  412. 412: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    I think the Diva B8tch posts were on the thread before this one.

    Not stirring the pot, just don’t think there’s any censorship happening here.

    I have to go get ready for my ‘taking it slow’ date with the serpent aries. I’m praying for strength. LOL

    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 6:41am

  413. 413: siaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you, AmberS
    it was going on in three places. Enjoy the date

    oh now i can see daria used colours as well, so probably not directed at me

    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 7:02am

  414. 414: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, wait- I didn’t write true nature- grrrrrr-

    uff!! I only wrote” nature.”

    Words that don’t belong to me

    Get out!

    Get out of my mouth!!

    Go away words, you belong to someone else.

    I am not your mother, words that don’t belong to me…

    You words that don’t belong to me can no longer nurse at my breast.

    Go back words.

    Go back to the mother of you.

    Go back and be nursed by the breast that birthed you.

    If you have no mother, go to your father, words.

    Words that are not mine, that I did not birth, go to back to your father who created you.

    Take your effects with you words. Words that are not mine.

    Go home.

    You don’t belong in my mouth!

    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 7:36am

  415. 415: siaNo Gravatar says:

    hi nikita,
    you wrote ‘true nature’ in 409. But I dont think past words are that important, when the listener understands the intent wrong, as happens all the time, the addressers shouldnt be held to what he/she said at gunpoint, but rather be allowed to rephrase in words which better communicate the intent to the specific addressee.
    What do you think?

    and i just posted comment to girlie girl which got stuck in moderation, talking about bullies, which I now feel paranoid will be misunderstood due to context as me believing people here are bullies.
    Which I dont, havent met a bully since 6 yrs old.

    what do you think of my posts to you yesterday? do you feel like replying?

    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 7:52am

  416. 416: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    Post 413 is in reference to post 402

    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 8:22am

  417. 417: LonePlumNo Gravatar says:

    406: girliegirl

    Hello,

    I scroll up searching for a person and I spot my name

    I stop scrolling and I see my name in the middle of your post

    I have no part in it, I don’t read any of it and I am shocked today to spot my name in the middle of it.

    I don’t know what is your debate or argument or fight or conversation or whatever it is, you are having and with whom

    I have no part of it, you will not see a single post from me about anything related to you.

    this is the first time I address you

    Yet, you said
    ***truth is everyone is arguing with most everyone else (daria with lucy,daria with honey, dorothea with jacqueline, loneplum with jacqueline, dorothea with erika, erika with mercedes, mercedes with shannon, and you I don’t know who ’cause I don’t care about your posts either and so on and so forth) yet you singled out one person and bullied her like she killed your cat  ***

    I will ask only what I can ask without gossiping as it refers directly to me. The rest is none of my business.

    Where have you seen me arguing with Jacqueline?

    I want you to put the links to the thread where I accept to enter into an argument with her, and I want you to give the number of the posts, where I enter into an argument with her.

    I want to check what you call “LonePlum arguing with Jacqueline”

    Right now your words sound like defamation but I give you the benefit of the doubt, and I trust you misread something or you let somebody “explain” to you what you should understand

    I will bee happy to explain it myself.

    Thank you

    Sunday, 21 November 2010 @ 4:47am

  418. 418: Nicole RosaNo Gravatar says:

    I agree with not saying ILY just to hear it back. BUT, on the other hand, is it not a red flag when a man simply can’t/won’t say it?! I want to hear ILY!!!

    Sunday, 21 November 2010 @ 6:16pm

  419. 419: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Not necessarily Nicole Rosa. For some men, the words don’t carry a lot of meaning in that they tend to be overused, or they are used carelessly.
    For some men they have been badly burned and want to wait to be sure.
    And some men are just not vocal in that way. You might want to instead really pay attention to the actions. Wanting to hear the words so badly might cause you to miss out on him saying it loud and clear, just without words.
    I have such a man, and he taught me a very important lesson. He tells me each and every day he loves and cherishes me, but it’s ever so rarely out loud. When I learned to hear HIS “words” my whole world changed as well as my relationship with him.
    Funny enough now it’s not that I don’t like hearing those words, but I would much rather get the actions, the affection, the cuddling, the looks, etc.
    There are many men full of the most beautiful words, but all it is is pretty rhetoric with little or nothing to back it up.
    xxoo

    Sunday, 21 November 2010 @ 6:25pm

  420. 420: Nicole RosaNo Gravatar says:

    Good point tinque. I guess I’m NOT getting the non-verbal cues either so perhaps I’m hoping that actually hearing ILY will make up for that. Not good. My man said that saying ILY “creates expectations”. Then later he said that the phrase holds a lot of baggage for him and would instead prefer to say “I feel love for you”. Is this all a bit weird?

    Sunday, 21 November 2010 @ 7:30pm

  421. 421: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Sandy – so sorry – just realized it’s too late for Sat – so let us know how it went – for next time: This is about “Plan B” – in Targeting Mr. Right. ALWAYS have a Plan B backup plan – so if a date goes south, you have something cool to do! But don’t get mad at him or discount him until it’s the afternoon of the date, and then email him “What time tonight?” if you need to..Love, Rori

    Sunday, 21 November 2010 @ 7:33pm

  422. 422: Siren SandyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Rori!

    Ya know… its perfectly ok that I didnt hear back… it forced me to own what I was thinking and feeling.

    The good thing is.. by Saturday morning I had already decided that something was odd as his profile was removed from POF. And guess what? I didnt feel a thing! I cant tell you how proud I am of my personal growth in this area.

    I was happy to stay home and take care of the planning of my holiday trip this week. I did spend some time thinking about “why” I didnt care about this incident, since in the past I would have been crushed and would have spent hours trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Now I know, its not a thing, he just changed his mind and didnt have what it takes as a “human” to say so. I thought about how I could apply my feelings to other situations like this.

    I am in emotional email hell (as I call it) with someone else at the moment, and am applying the rules and tools to this. I feel anxious about this one, and I dont want to feel that way. So I am working on it!

    Thanks again.

    Sunday, 21 November 2010 @ 8:58pm

  423. 423: S. WhelanNo Gravatar says:

    Rori,
    Just wondering one thing… I dated this wonderful man for a year…. things went slow just the way we both wanted. For my birthday he gave me a beautiful card expression more then friendship, but love and deep meaning. A month later (just before Christmas) in an email, that he has alot of problems to work out, that he’s confused and that he can’t handle a relationship right now and needs to be left alone.
    I’m respecting his space, but please tell me… is it over or is it just because of the Christmas stress?
    thanks

    Friday, 10 December 2010 @ 11:35am

  424. 424: maddiNo Gravatar says:

    My boyfriend broke up with me, and I love him and want him back. But how do I get him back? Do I become his best friend and connect with his feelings or keep hiding and wait for him to come back to me? Helppp!!!!

    Thursday, 16 December 2010 @ 4:15pm

  425. 425: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    maddi, Welcome – and you get him back by not caring if he comes back, and Circular Dating. You get him back by going on with your dating life, having fun, smiling, and being VERY WARM and open when he DOES show up! – This means you work on yourself to get rid of need, clinginess, desperation, focusing on him, and any anger you may have at him. Love, Rori

    Friday, 17 December 2010 @ 9:34am

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