When You Want To Explain – Teach Yourself To Keep Your Mouth Shut Instead

loveNo one is worse than I at this.

If there’s a misunderstanding, I want to help everyone understand.

If something isn’t clear – I want to clear it up.

If people look puzzled, I want to explain.

If someone is explaining something to my man and he doesn’t understand – I want to explain it.

And if I open my mouth, I’m shooting myself in the foot.

What’s the answer here?

This has nothing to do with your man, with clarity, with being a good partner – it just has to do with OUR need to explain and fix everything.

It’s our overwhelming need to make people “get it” – even if it means showing them that they’re stupid, infantile, immature, and dense at the same time.

It’s about as far away from “geisha” as you can get –

And yet – would you really do that in the boardroom?

I mean – if the team leader wasn’t “getting it” – would you “help” him – or her?

If the president came to your office meeting and someone was explaining something to him – badly – would you “step in”?

If you did that – likely – it wouldn’t work out well for you.

****

It reminds me of something that happened in elementary school.

We were playing a kind of team basketball, but with no baskets – so it was like football, but with a big playground ball – sort of “keep away” on a team level – only I had no idea how to be on a team.

To me – if someone’s screwing up – I’m there to take over.

I’m the fix-it gal.

I instinctively wanted to take the ball from our weakest team member (and I wasn’t all that strong myself!) and take it to the goal.

I WANTED to.

(I actually DID do that once, and I created a situation in which I felt even MORE out-of-place and not-liked than I already felt.)

I actually live with that memory – and it helps me to forgive myself and not beat myself up – and it also helps me to remember so I don’t do that again.

Because, believe me – I want to take that ball from my husband and run with it.

I WANT to explain, clear up, fix – all of it.

And, I have learned to keep my mouth shut.

The moment I catch myself (or my husband catches me) starting to step in – I stop instantly, apologize, and take myself out of the room.  I go do something for myself.  I write.

Try it – when you feel like explaining, or clarifying, or fixing, or doing it and saving someone else the trouble, or making sure they don’t go in the wrong direction, or correcting anyone – take a step back.

Put your hand over your mouth.

Let the other person get it done (or not…) and see what happens.

Let your man walk in his own direction.

See what happens.

Notice what’s going on with you, inside you, while this is happening, and see if you can monitor your anxiety.

Breathe into your belly.

Surrender into your pelvis.

Be a flower and just enjoy the air.

Let me know how that feels!

Love, Rori

 

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801 Comments to “When You Want To Explain – Teach Yourself To Keep Your Mouth Shut Instead”

  1. 1: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    YAY!! It’s me!! I’m on top of the world!!! YAY!! :) :) :)

    Hello lovely Sirens on Siren Island! :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:43am

  2. 2: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    It’s our overwhelming need to make people “get it” – even if it means showing them that they’re stupid, infantile, immature, and dense at the same time.

    I absolutely love this! I may not jump in and try to explain to people, but I do feel awfully triggered by people’s ignorance. I’m still working on being more tolerant… Mmmh, getting there.. slowly but surely :)

    xoxo

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:53am

  3. 3: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    WOW!!! I must say that even though I have not read the entire post – just the title alone is so fitting to my experience with KR this weekend. I’m sitting here feeling the need to explain to him why I was acting funny towards him. Now I’ll let that feeling go and leave things the way they are. I also feel that I should not have to explain myself not because I think he is a mind reader but because we have had more than enough conversations about the dynamics of our relationship there is nothing more that needs to be explained regarding my behavior towards him. I know that I experience triggers and need to sit with the feelings that come with them rather than explain.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:58am

  4. 4: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I have an overwhelming need to fix things, to explain, to “help” people to get it, to overfunction really………….

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:15am

  5. 5: NadiaNo Gravatar says:

    I find that I sometimes have to explain myself to feel heard or understood by my man. Is Rori saying that I have to learn to live with not feeling understood? Because it feels icky to me when I’m not feeling understood.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:18am

  6. 6: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, Starla,Gingersky, Silvermoon, Memulo, etc and everyone else who replied to me yesterday thank you sirens

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:48am

  7. 7: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I do this all the time! At work, at home, in social settings . . . It’s like I think I am there to intrepret what everyone else is saying for the people who just don’t get it . . . yikes! Stop that! I need to take this advice with me on my trip to the beach with GM this weekend FOR SURE!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:49am

  8. 8: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I love this article….
    I remember reading somewhere in Rori’s stuff that explaining is a form of controlling…and that is very masculine energy. I’ve been practicing at work and elsewhere not explaining myself.

    My Mom does this soooo much. It is very micro-managey and can make the person feel like you think they are an idiot if you’re explaining every little thing.
    I catch myself doing it and it’s annoying. I’ve gotten better though.

    Thanks Rori for bringing this up.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:51am

  9. 9: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve realized when I need support or affirmation and I reach out, I want instant results. I want an instant call back or an answered call, and I get this really bad sense of urgency (for ex. yesterday how I was feeling spiralling into hopelessness). I feel a little better today, but family stuff has really been triggering me and I don’t like it.
    Yes it’s perhaps coming up to heal etc etc but some things I feel are just unnecessary pain in the a$$ situations that just dont help at all and it’s stuff over and over that happens and it’s just a nuicance. I don’t know how much healing or learning can come from crap that keeps coming up all the time and nothing ever changes or improves.
    I just want to get away from it so I don’t have to keep processing it over and over (i.e. my need, feelings not being acknowledged/honored over and over).

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:55am

  10. 10: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    @689, 692. Aww (((((GivingGirl)))))

    Haha… I feel the need to explain… but I won’t. I guess it just does not matter what a man says in certain contexts, it’s what he does. I wouldn’t even be bothered to analyze. I’ve noticed some men say certain things like ‘oh a woman should call them’, then if the woman calls, they’re turned off. I just listen these days and say ok. It’s listening at level 2 – not judging, adding, convincing or arguing. At the end of the day what I trust are my boundaries…and no matter how much he does whatever, my boundaries will dictate what happens.

    If I feel heard, cared for and loved in a conversation and I can make a speech that doesn’t make him wrong… that’s the milestones of practice that I need and makes me feel happy and more confident. The outcome is irrelevant.

    Though I do believe he will come back. He always does… maybe he won’t this time… but I highly doubt it. The attraction is growing stronger…lol… yummy pie, water….

    OMG! So sexy and all… Guess what?? So he just called me. Turns out he’s came down with a stomach flu after he saw me :) Probably coz he kissed me and I was coming off of something…

    Anyway, he’s sooo HA – ‘Hot&Amazing’ lol….

    So back to me… waterwheel… yes, waterwheel :)

    Here’s a quick one – I’m wondering what do Sirens think of paying for a dating site. I’ve been enjoying my foray into match.com and I would like to take a step further, but I don’t want to pay for it. It just feels like such a commercial/ capitalist way of finding love… though capitalism in small doses is okay for me. I’ll probably end up paying for it. More like a fun thing to do…. I know there are some free sites… I’m on a couple… perhaps I’ll try POF, not sure if I need to pay… but I’ll see…. Sirens, what do you think about paying?

    Thanks GingerSky for the Etta James song ‘At Last’. It feels so good hear. Sometimes, it feels like the lonely cloud ‘wanting relationship feeling’ is just over my head… but it’s a real phenomenon and natural part of our human existence as women. Though, just knowing that doesn’t actually make it easier.

    My reaction is to shun anything that could make me feel better…. and just focus on the pain, hoping that will bring the result, which I know it won’t.

    It’s loving myself, sinking into my painful feeling, going through the tunnel and channeling. But that takes practice and discipline, while moping has this pseudo-productive effect.

    Gosh, sometimes I feel like Maria Callas. I love her like crazy, but fear my life would end up like hers, as a recluse with unrequited love. Oh, that makes me feel so sad :(

    Going to take a bath and make myself feel Sireny before I get into my work.

    Love to all!

    xoxo

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:56am

  11. 11: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Recycled did return my call but I was busy doing stuff and didn’t see his message till later. I didn’t call back and I feel that he sounded annoyed in his message…and then I felt angry at myself for leaning forward. (Noticing pattern of being angry at myself for reaching out for help/support and then “annoying” people).
    It may be my imagination totally, and perhaps he does not feel annoyed by me but I’m just doing my own thing today and I feel let down that it took him so long to get back to me.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:57am

  12. 12: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee – PAY! Match.com is a great way to CD and you are just investing in yourself when you do it!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:05am

  13. 13: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Emerson))))) here’s some healing love energy for you.

    xoxo

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:07am

  14. 14: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Queenbee I feel supported :-)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:16am

  15. 15: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Calypso – Cool beans! I’ll do it :) Feels so interesting.

    I’ve put my location to my former country, which I loved and the men showing up are sooo good. I feel great. I figured to solve my situation, I could be a tad bit unconventional and attract a man from afar. After all, it’s not impossible, nor would it be the first time. Who knows??? :)

    I feel open to the possibility of finding love. I’ve always wanted to live in two places at once -International Moonlighting – that’s what they call it :)

    I love, LOve, LOVE having OPTIONS!!! YAY for OPTIONS!! It’s the best thing on the planet! :) YAY!!

    xoxo

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:17am

  16. 16: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, explaining is what pushed me and CF over the edge into splitsville. I could have just said “oh i feel so sad about getting rejected from grad school…i’m just all over the place.”

    instead i EXPLAINED to him why he was being a d*ck since i just got rejected from grad school. and he walked away.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:26am

  17. 17: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @8 & 9 Emerson

    I explain, correct, need to be understood and I think it is a way of controlling and I’m a perfectionist, so I think a bit of judgment is involved too, high expectations. I also feel an urgency for instant replies from people. I don’t like waiting because then my NVs start up big time.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:35am

  18. 18: Princess GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    This is so fitting.
    I feel lately I have been trying to ‘help’ my boyfriend with his problems too much and it’s stressed me out, stressed him out and caused us more problems.
    I just want to be involved though, I thought as a couple you worked through things together..

    Anyway,
    It was my boyfriend who said we would ‘have a good chat’ when he got home from work yesterday as he didn’t want us both feeling like this.
    That never happened as we get on so well sometimes it’s hard to bring up the negative.. anyway I brought it up today.

    We ended up kind of talking about things that are going on. I said he seems to have a ‘not bothered’ attitude to our relationship lately. He says I seem to do things sometimes like say ‘I’m going home’ etc for a reaction and when he just complies without a fuss I get frustrated and say he’s obviously just ‘not bothered’. It’s like I just want attention. (I guess this is manipulation on my part in some way because I WANT him to be bothered, to show emotion, to make me stay..)

    He’s loving, he loves to cuddle and on and off he’s affectionate.. He has a lot going on all the time but deep down I know he loves me, he just goes from being really loving to this ‘not bothered’ attitude.
    Does he just follow my attitude and feelings and react? Like when I’m busy and havnt got time to overthink or focus on him too much he seems to be more loving.

    I wish we could talk properly. It seems so hard and I’ve never had this before in a relationship. I bottle things up to much and it’s meant I have been so moody lately.
    I try and think about using ‘feeling messages’ but I really struggle to the put words together.

    I’m just rambling.. Any advice would be appreciated..

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:37am

  19. 19: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla

    Yes, explaining was my problem too, after I made him wrong, instead of openly expressing my feelings. I also feel like I have to explain myself to Mr. Observant from Sat. I was actually thinking of sending him an FB message. I was standoffish and it had nothing to do with him. After reading this, I won’t. I have so much to learn.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:41am

  20. 20: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …yes but what if there really is a misunderstanding?
    Surely to talk about it is a way of clearing it up rather than letting it just sit there and ‘hope for the best’?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:58am

  21. 21: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I keep replaying Sat. night in my head. My one guy friend said about his gf, “I just love her so much because she is so real.”

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:07am

  22. 22: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    17 @ GivingGirl says
    “I also feel an urgency for instant replies from people. I don’t like waiting because then my NVs start up big time.”

    Me too GG. Thank you for relating to me. I would like to heal this. I feel less “mad” at Recycled for not replying to me RIGHT AWAY…now that I’ve calmed down a bit.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:11am

  23. 23: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    From previous thread:

    @771 Giving Girl – Thanks, Giving Girl. It feels good to have some empathy. It feels horrible to lose the trust of a friend I loved. :(

    @772 Giving Girl – I didn’t sense any over-reaction from you about Boatguy. How did not hearing from him make you feel? Do you feel more anxious as time goes by and you don’t hear from him? I can’t tell if you’re over-reacting without knowing how you’re feeling. Make sense?

    and really, since you are the one feelng your feelings and not me, only you can make the call as to whether or not you are “over-reacting.” and even if you were to determine that you were “over-reacting,” wouldn’t that kind of be judgmental of yourself? It’s okay to feel intense feelings! Even if they’re bad! When I show my guys my negative feelings, especially when it comes to how they are treating me or not paying attention to me, they love it, because it shows that I care. Don’t be afraid to over-react! I feel like your usual pattern is under-reacting or stuffing down your feelings!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:16am

  24. 24: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @21 Emerson

    I want to heal that too. I feel like my emotions put me on a roller coaster ride. I had a friend tell me once that I’m too passionate about things. He was referring to my emotions. However, my emotions are more internal and then when they build up really bad, I’m like a volcano exploding. It’s not good.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:19am

  25. 25: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    From Previous Thread:

    @773 Lucy – I feel so bad for you. :( I told my-so-called friend about Rori Raye, though not about the blog and I feel like an idiot for doing it. I can tell she hasn’t subscribed to the emails or bought any of the programs, but she has the internet now and I’m really scared she’s going to find the blog and just steal CDs from me right and left. Honestly, would it be “wrong” for her to steal CDs from me? No, not unless she was manipulative and using me to do it. But that’s what she’s been doing… :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:24am

  26. 26: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl…thank you from the other thread. :)

    I believe the water wheel tool is in the Tool Kit and it’s probably in Modern Siren as well. We picture a water wheel (men) flowing “love” to us and filling us up ALL THE TIME no matter what. So when we start feeling anxiety over our men..we can turn and picture a bunch of men flowing love, admiration, adoration etc towards us. It really helps me. It’s choosing to believe “good feeling thoughts” over “bad feeling thoughts”. :)

    I feel good explaining the water wheel :)

    But I don’t explain to my man :) Maybe the difference is the “vibe” or reason behind the explaining….actually GG specifically asked what it was…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:25am

  27. 27: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Lucy))))))…wow…that feels terrible (that you feel violated like that)…I cannot imagine anyone here doing that. I just don’t believe it would ever happen. I’m wondering if there is another possibility?…..

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:29am

  28. 28: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i feel sooooo happy today!!

    i love that it’s not cold outside anymore and i feel excited for guitar lessons!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:31am

  29. 29: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Starla))))))…I’m not sure if this will help you feel better…but John Gray in “Mars and Venus on a Date” has a chapter called “Why men don’t call”.

    And I’ve asked for a few refunds on ebooks when I thought the content was unsatisfactory…I know you asked that question a little while ago.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:33am

  30. 30: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I was about to explain something to Jack CD over a text, and then I stopped myself because I noticed what I was doing. feel so glad I stopped myself!

    I find myself “suggesting” to seenmecryCD occassionally. Saying stuff like “you should’ve…” just in a joking way, but still…I feel sad.

    This post kind of makes me feel sad.

    It makes me feel like I have to be less than I am with a man, and that feels icky! I know Rori tells us that “being less than a man” is a misconception or whatever, but I just can’t help but feel like I’m losing a little bit of my power when I stop myself from saying something and let it be his idea or whatever.

    It reminds me of when smart, beautiful, brilliant Samantha Stephens on Bewitched lets husband Darrin take the credit for ideas she “helps” him with. It just feels like a disservice to her…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:33am

  31. 31: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    lucy, that feels scary to hear about your man emailing about the blog.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:34am

  32. 32: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @22 lamabutterfly

    Yes, it does feel bad to lose trust in a friend.

    I feel sad, unimportant, forgotten, like he’s moved on & doesn’t care. Yes, I get more and more anxious as time goes on. I start to feel angry. It’s been 5 days and I would guess he got home on Sat. He can’t even send a text to let me know he’s home. Before he left he said he would see me when he got back. Why can’t I just let that be enough and wait for that? Why do I have to get all anxious and upset, when he was on vacation? That is what I mean by overreacting.

    Yes, I do under react and stuff down my feelings, but I’m referring to my feelings that are inside of me, not that I have overreacted towards him. The feelings I keep hidden. I know I should let them out, but it doesn’t feel safe to do that. Like, here we go again, drama.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:34am

  33. 33: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee….I would pay for Match too :) I loved having tons of CD’s :)

    Siren Song yay!!!!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:35am

  34. 34: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like a flower enjoying the air!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:37am

  35. 35: Princess GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I wish I could stop over analysing and over thinking everything..

    I wish I could get out of my head..

    I wish I could put into words what I feel and express it..

    I wish I could feel better about myself.. I know I’m very attractive, I know I’m ‘a catch’.. I am always chased, I’ve got a great career ahead, I’m funny, good family, I’m loving, caring, kind.. in fact people say I’m ‘too good’ for my boyfriend (not a sentence I agree with about anyone myself)
    ..so why do I feel insecure and sometimes ‘not good enough’ for him or like he’ll end it and find someone else at any moment..?? Shouldn’t it be the other way around if anything haha

    It’s madness.. This guy loves me and my insecurities are ruining it..

    I need to feel stable and secure in a relationship.. In previous I have had outward expressions of love and was completely different as I was safe in the knowledge I was loved.. Too loved.. I lost my feeling for him.. It wasn’t right for me..

    This relationship I love him so much, it could e perfect.. is this the problem.. Im scared what will happen.. he isnt as expressive.. This causes me to second guess all the time.. It’s draining.. Why can’t I just accept he loves me and stop worrying.. Silly eh..

    I wish I could just be happy in the relationship as it’s probably the above that are causing the problems and I’m trying to make all the problems about him.. Not that he’s an angel mind haha

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:38am

  36. 36: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I wish I could stop over analysing and over thinking everything..

    I wish I could get out of my head..

    I wish I could put into words what I feel and express it..

    I wish I could feel better about myself.. I know I’m very attractive, I know I’m ‘a catch’.. I am always chased, I’ve got a great career ahead, I’m funny, good family, I’m loving, caring, kind.. in fact people say I’m ‘too good’ for my boyfriend (not a sentence I agree with about anyone myself)
    ..so why do I feel insecure and sometimes ‘not good enough’ for him or like he’ll end it and find someone else at any moment..?? Shouldn’t it be the other way around if anything haha

    It’s madness.. This guy loves me and my insecurities are ruining it..

    I need to feel stable and secure in a relationship.. In previous I have had outward expressions of love and was completely different as I was safe in the knowledge I was loved.. Too loved.. I lost my feeling for him.. It wasn’t right for me..

    This relationship I love him so much, it could e perfect.. is this the problem.. Im scared what will happen.. he isnt as expressive.. This causes me to second guess all the time.. It’s draining.. Why can’t I just accept he loves me and stop worrying.. Silly eh..

    I wish I could just be happy in the relationship as it’s probably the above that are causing the problems and I’m trying to make all the problems about him.. Not that he’s an angel mind haha

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:41am

  37. 37: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @25 Jilly thank you for explaining :)

    I will have to try that. I need to overcome my negative thoughts.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:44am

  38. 38: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly, yeah, I’m going to ask for a refund for both. I feel scared to ask!!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:46am

  39. 39: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Uggg…I feel triggered. I always feel so angry at men who get girlfriends and thus feel more confident and less intimidated by me, and then proceed to flirt with me and try to get my attention more than they ever did when they were sans-girlfriend. This hasn’t happened to me as much since starting the programs, but it’s still a triggering issue for me, and I feel like this is what is happening with me and seenmecryCD. I don’t even want to talk about what happened this weekend with SeenmecryCD. I feel angry and exposed and guilty about it…

    Maybe it’s easier for me to open my heart when I feel less threatened by the men with girlfriends?

    Like, they have a girlfriend, so I don’t feel threatened by them? Like, they can’t hurt me because they have a girlfriend? They’re not an option so I can relax around them and let my guard down more?

    Hmm…I’m seeing a pattern. I feel like I’m accusing men of feeling intimidated by me when really I’m the one who feels intimidated.

    maybe I subconsciously show my interest more once they get a girlfriend because I feel less scared because I know a break-up will have to happen before they pursue a real relationship with me.

    Like, having feelings for semi-taken men is a way for me to have interest in men, and to interact with men without risking my heart, or having to experience any kind of real intimacy?

    I feel sad about this. But I also feel curious. I also feel hopeful…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:47am

  40. 40: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    This is definitely something I do – maybe not so much explaining, but trying to control the outcome of things. I am really catching myself with this though. Even though I may feel completely justified at the time, I really try to take a deep breath & be quiet.

    We are working on a house project & decorating is “my area.” This particular thing we are doing is something I have done a couple of times before so I feel more qualified in a way. My bf had just done some of the project & I walked over & starting rearranging some of it. I saw the look on his face & went “Uh, oh well, I did that over there on my side & I was worried it looked too uniform.” He said, “I have it worked out.” Then I said, “Yes, it actually looks really good.” Then I just let him do his thing.

    I am very controlling with my house stuff so it’s been challenging, but I find that having a good relationship is so much more important & satisfying then trying to make things come out just exactly how I want them. And he really did do an excellent job! So I am humbled & also proud of myself for being able to release that need to control. Hopefully, it will get easier & easier until it’s just natural to be easy breezy about outcomes.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:48am

  41. 41: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Lucy))) I feel bad reading about the email. I can’t believe someone here would do such a thing. We are all here for the same reason. There may be another explanation.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:49am

  42. 42: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…it does feel scary yet liberating.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:50am

  43. 43: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    oh my goodness I feel triggered every time I see a new name on here, wondering if it’s my so-called-friend…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:50am

  44. 44: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    My mom is an ultimate siren and I feel so grateful for her and how much I learned just from observing her.

    She does not try and control outcomes, or explain or DO too much and my step dad ADORES her. He is a very powerful business man and he gets insecure that he loves her more (so cute!) and they both love each other even more than when they met. They met online and have been married for 7 years.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:54am

  45. 45: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    starla,

    what do you want a refund on?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:57am

  46. 46: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @37 lamabutterfly

    I feel interested by this post. I agree with you. I don’t feel attracted to a man because he has a girlfriend, but I do feel more relaxed and can open up easier if I know he’s not interested in me. It’s safer, I guess. I can be me and say whatever and not care because he doesn’t have the power to cause me pain.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:57am

  47. 47: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    jilly, it must feel nice to have an example of a siren in your family.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:59am

  48. 48: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 31 Giving Girl – on what you said…

    “Yes, I do under react and stuff down my feelings, but I’m referring to my feelings that are inside of me, not that I have overreacted towards him. The feelings I keep hidden. I know I should let them out, but it doesn’t feel safe to do that. Like, here we go again, drama.”

    I would really encourage you to explore the “feelings that are inside of you” because THOSE are your TRUE, AUTHENTIC feelings.

    I realize that you haven’t “overreacted towards him” but maybe this is something you can explore.

    You’ve admitted that you stuff your feelings down. Trust me, this is not a good idea, especially with a man you care about. What may happen, and what has happened to me is that you stuff, assume that he should know what you’re feeling when he doesn’t, and then EXPLODE when you’re triggered enough, and you will almost ALWAYS get to that point, especially if you care about the guy and fail to communicate your true feelings in the moment.

    This is what freaks guys out. Emotional outbursts about the past, about a past that you didn’t bother sharing with him because you were too busy stuffing down your true feelings rather than communicating them to him.

    Christian Carter says something about this being one of the most deadly mistakes that women make with men…

    It DOESN’T freak guys out if you share your intense feelings IN THE MOMENT you are feeling them. IT ONLY MAKES THEM FEEL MORE INTRIGUED. Trust me. It will feel scary and weird and you will feel like a crazy person at the first sharing of intense feelings, but you can tell him about how scared and nervous and shaky you feel about the mere act of sharing your feelings! That will draw him in as well!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:03am

  49. 49: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl, I’m assuming you are Circular Dating. If you are scared of sharing your intense negative feelings with a favorite CD, why not experiment with sharing your intense negative feelings with a CD that you are not as into? It will show you how well men respond to authenticity, and give you courage to open up to that special guy who is triggering you.

    and practice on the blog too! It’s fun. and it gives you courage. :)

    ((((Giving Girl))))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:07am

  50. 50: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl, one last thing: by failing to share your true feelings, you are being dishonest with your man in a way, and that can feel very disrespectful to him. (Respect is HUGE for men, trust me.) By failing to share your true feelings, you are essentially telling him that you don’t trust him enough to handle your true feelings. and that makes him feel like less of a man and pretty stinking awful. think about how you feel when you feel like he’s not sharing his true thoughts and feelings with you.

    I always hate it when men aren’t honest with me. Men don’t like their women to be dishonest or to keep things from them either!

    So, after reading my novel of advice, how do you feel? Routing for you, Giving Girl! You can do it!! :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:13am

  51. 51: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song, the ex-back e-books I bought, lol.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:13am

  52. 52: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    This opening up and telling him my true feelings seems so scary to me

    I mean I tell him I love him etc.. but to tell him I feel insecure sometimes.. I feel upset because I need to know I’m loved, I feel sad and left out when I dont get told things.. I feel lonely sometimes at home on my own.. I feel scared that I’ll lose him.. I feel worried and try to act like a strong person and then I stuff down my feelings and sulk in a mood.. I say something for a reaction, I dont get the reaction I want and then I get angry or sulk more and then I feel silly..

    I feel like he’d run for the hills.. or he’d think he had me, I think he’d think I was weak.. or too emotional..

    Don’t we get told that guys like strong, happy, confident women?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:21am

  53. 53: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    starla,

    ha. yeah, get that $ back, girl.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:22am

  54. 54: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @50 Slippin Goddess – you say you have a boyfriend. are you still CDing other men? It might help you…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:26am

  55. 55: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @46: Iamabutterfly

    That is why I am here. When I try to explore my feelings I feel panicky, uptight, nervous. I think it will take me a while to get there.

    “You’ve admitted that you stuff your feelings down. Trust me, this is not a good idea, especially with a man you care about. What may happen, and what has happened to me is that you stuff, assume that he should know what you’re feeling when he doesn’t, and then EXPLODE when you’re triggered enough, and you will almost ALWAYS get to that point, especially if you care about the guy and fail to communicate your true feelings in the moment.”

    I know and I do this. I feel I share my feelings just not in a good way and not at the right time. I want to, but I clam up because I get so nervous. Sick to my stomach nervous and scared.

    Everything you’ve said makes a lot of sense. I never really thought about it that way.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:27am

  56. 56: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am… i’m going to spend that money on teeth whitening lol. i’ve never had white teeth but i gave up smoking and coffee, so it’s more possible than ever!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:29am

  57. 57: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not always like that though.. I’m happy and confident and funny alot of the time.. I just get too hung up in my head and over analyse everything.

    I’m a true Cancer.. my mood changes are rediculous :)

    and no I don’t CD.. It seems strange with having a boyfriend..

    I mean I did I guess last weekend when I went out with friends and I was more happy and confident the next day.. It empowers you abit flirting and knowing you are wanted by other men.. but it’s only him I want..
    Is that what it is all about?

    Maye I should drag myself away from my man and do it more.. We do spend quite alot of time together!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:31am

  58. 58: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @53 Giving Girl – aww, why don’t you feel like you share them “in a good way?” and why not tell your man how sick to your stomach and nervous and scared you feel? men feel these things too, you know. Maybe even more than us!

    You could say something like:

    I feel nervous and sick to my stomach and scared sharing this with you, but I feel jealous when you talk to that girl. I feel insecure and scared when you don’t call me.

    Personally, I struggle the most with telling a guy that I feel angry. My anger is so intense. Admittedly, I’ve never really told any of my CDs that I’ve felt angry, but I’ve allowed myself to feel my anger in their prescence, and even that was effective in creating a connection with them…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:35am

  59. 59: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    @ Giving Girl

    I’m exactly the same..

    Why is it so hard?

    I was in a relationship before where I was the opposite..

    I think it might be different now because I really love this one.. I really want it to work.. He isnt as openly loving as my ex and I cant talk to him as well about things and it makes me a bit insecure so I stuff my feelings down for some reason..

    Why cant I just be as comfortable as I was with my ex.. now the love is totally there!! haha Damn love!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:35am

  60. 60: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @47: Iamabutterfly

    “Giving Girl, I’m assuming you are Circular Dating. If you are scared of sharing your intense negative feelings with a favorite CD, why not experiment with sharing your intense negative feelings with a CD that you are not as into? It will show you how well men respond to authenticity, and give you courage to open up to that special guy who is triggering you.”

    I am, I guess, but BoatGuy is the only one I am “dating”, if that makes sense. I have a hard time sharing my intense negative feelings with anyone (especially, if it has to do with them). Mr. Observant from Sat. night was trying to get me to say what I want, what I feel, and he kept pressing me. I mean, he really wanted to know.

    I froze up and put up my walls. I felt so uncomfortable sharing. I barely know him, he was hitting on me, then asked about BoatGuy, trying to get me to open up about BoatGuy, actually said, this is not me hitting on you right now and tried again.

    I answered him with as little as I could get away with. And the whole time this is all going on, he has that look in his eye like he’s going to just grab me and kiss me. It was so hard to just feel relaxed. Even before that when he was just making small talk, I felt so nervous and uncomfortable because I knew he was hitting on me.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:37am

  61. 61: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @48: Iamabutterfly

    Another very good point! :) I guess I should try to put myself in his shoes.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:41am

  62. 62: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @55 Slippin Goddess – yes, I would recommend CDing. that’s what it’s about: not getting too hung up on one man, and building your own confidence and self-esteem! I realize you want to be respectful of your boyfriend, but you can still “CD” in a way, by simply keeping your heart open to every man (and person!) that crosses your path. do you have any of Rori’s programs?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:42am

  63. 63: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Slippin’ Goddess… right there with you…. but i just keep trying & trying : )))) & i really Believe it gets better every day : )))

    awwww ((((men)))) feel bad for all the shxt….. but i swear i am trying to be a good partner & trying to improve….

    i think part of it is…… i am afraid. just in general. of everything.

    & another part is….. there are parts of myself i “hxte” & there are parts of myself i “wish to improve” or change…..

    but then i feel defensive & afraid to really really See those parts that i perceive as “in Pain” or “Suffering” & admit that they are part of me or something…

    anyway. real deep shxt.

    i’m trying : ) i will keep trying : )))

    & not for Any Man ! not even for a Good Man That I Love Who Wants Forever With Me — i do this for me, ok ? i live my life for me.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:46am

  64. 64: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel scared again. I feel like I’m giving advice to women that I know in real life, and that they are going to betray me…

    how do I fix this? how do I fix these past hurts from women who have used me?

    I feel shaky and sad.

    I need a hug.

    I feel sooooo sad.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:47am

  65. 65: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i started trying this mantra for breathing when i feel shaky….

    i love myself; i respect you
    i honor myself; i trust you

    & then i do feel much much better : )

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:51am

  66. 66: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ghetto simpson

    [Intro] This love shxt’s crazy
    (Ain’t it?) For real

    [Chorus] Girl, you know I must love you
    Look at all the things you put me through
    I know I do things too La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa
    I don’t know what to do Sometimes
    I get so confused
    Should I leave and find someone new?
    La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa

    [Verse One]
    Sometimes you make me feel like a king
    Everytime I turn around my baby’s buyin me things
    Rockport boots, leather coats, hats, and jeans
    At this rate she’s sure to get a ring
    (But go!) Sometimes you make me feel real low
    Bickerin’ about the groupies and the hoes
    I know
    Smilin’ in my face at each and every show I throw
    Do you propose I go? I don’t know
    (But stay!) ‘Cause when I think that this won’t last
    I reminisce on how you helped me through shit in the past
    And all of a sudden things don’t seem so bad
    And I’m back gettin’ the xss (they ain’t stupid)
    You should go, we beef, you say it’s all my fault
    Like I’m the one responsible for every time we fought
    But when I’m packing up my shit you say we need to talk
    Now should I stay or walk?
    (I can’t help you on this one, man)

    [Chorus]
    Girl, you know I must love you
    Look at all the things you put me through
    I know I do things too
    La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa I don’t know what to do
    Sometimes I get so confused
    Should I leave and find someone new?
    La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa

    [Verse Two]
    (Stay!) The other night we went to dinner to chill So we could talk about our problems and the way we feel
    Perfect therapy over a
    Red Lobster meal
    Now this is love for real (I like this, do your thing)
    (Then go!) But then you start trippin’ on some waitress shxt
    Like she was too friendly, you couldn’t take this shxt
    Playin’ me like a nxgga used to date the chick
    She tryin’ to make a tip (cut that bullshit out, man)
    (But stay!) After a drink or two, we chilled out
    And talked while the waitress brought the meals out
    We ate like grown-ups and talked it out I even held the door open when
    I walked you out (uh huh) (But go!)
    Before I knew it, she pissed again
    Mad ’cause I got up and slipped a ten
    She wasn’t actin’ rude, why you trippin’ then?
    Now you actin’ like a bxtch again (f**k that shxt!)

    [Chorus] Girl, you know I must love you Look at all the things you put me through I know I do things too La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa I don’t know what to do Sometimes I get so confused Should I leave and find someone new? La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:54am

  67. 67: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @56: Iamabutterfly

    Because I’m not in control when I’m sharing them. I don’t share them how I want to, my words are all wrong, I’m rushed to just get it over with and my voice quivers and most likely I start to cry. And, by his reaction every time to run away, it’s because I share my feelings in a way that is attacking. It’s not intended, but that’s how it’s perceived.

    For example, our spat in Dec. was because someone implied he was out with another girl and it was more than just friends. This had been a girl he casually dated prior to me, but at the beginning. There’s a longer story here. So, instead of asking more questions or even just talking to him about it, I sent him a text saying what I heard and told him if this is what’s going on, he can count me out.

    After that, I regretted handling things that way and he pulled back and gave me the silent treatment.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:55am

  68. 68: lkNo Gravatar says:

    lol poor men

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:55am

  69. 69: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lol, that song;)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:57am

  70. 70: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    57: Slippin’ Goddess

    I don’t know. It’s me, but I don’t know how to get away from making things so much harder than they need to be. I don’t think I’ve ever felt completely safe with anyone though.

    If you could do it with your ex, then you have the possibility to do it again. How long did it take you to feel comfortable with your ex?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:58am

  71. 71: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @65 Giving Girl – what’s the longer story? it sounds to me like you guys were on different relationship timelines. I feel like you were feeling exclusive with him while he was feeling open to options with you. am I right?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:01am

  72. 72: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((lamabutterfly)))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:02am

  73. 73: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    really important to stay committed to my new self-improvement goals, like going to the gym after work even though i feel beat up by life and just want to go home and smoke w33d and slump around.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:02am

  74. 74: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Since I’ve been practicing FMs alot, I notice myself feeling cold and mechanical when I get in “explaining” mode.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:04am

  75. 75: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    72:

    My voice even gets monotone.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:05am

  76. 76: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know how to talk to my so-called friend. I feel scared that I’m going to give her even more information to use against me by talking to her, but I feel like I’m going to make myself sick if I don’t talk to her…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:10am

  77. 77: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    #60 Lama butterfly – you give some really good advice, just reading the advice you are giving to Giving girl has so much meaning for myself and you are so right in what you say..

    I do have the ebook, I need to put it into practice..

    @lk good song.. this is me all over.. We get on so well, its like we’re perfect and then bamn, something will trigger me and I get in ‘a mood’ ..go all silent and pissed.. then later he gets it or I just slowy get over it..

    I know it’s the wrong thing to do.. I have spent too many hours reading relationship help to know what the ‘right things’ to do are.. Just when it comes to doing them my emotions override me.. and not for the better!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:13am

  78. 78: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((butterfly)))))) this looks like trying to control the outcome to me…what if you leaned back with her too?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:16am

  79. 79: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, I need to practice. Here goes:

    “I would like to know why you asked me if I was going to that place on Friday night. I was already feeling kind of angry and like you use me for your own social advantages, and if feels absolutely awful.

    I feel like you’ve been acting fake lately, and like you’ve been clingy with me not because you care about me, but because it keeps me from interacting with Jack CD. I feel like you use me to try to get closer to Jack CD. I felt so angry and sad when you flirted with him right in front of my face.

    I feel sad that I share so much with you and you don’t do the same with me.

    I feel stupid for trusting you.

    I feel so sad that I’ve done so much for you only to be treated as a some kind of tool to accomplish your own selfish desires.

    I feel like I can’t trust you, and I need some space until I’ve seen that you are trust-worthy.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:17am

  80. 80: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @76 (((((Jilly)))) – Thanks so much for the advice. I’ve thought about leaning back with her, and that’s kind of what I’ve been doing, but when I run into her (which I always do,) she acts like nothing is wrong, continues to follow me around, uses me to get attention, copies me, and I just can’t take it anymore.

    I need to talk to her or it’s going to hurt my health, I swear.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:20am

  81. 81: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    #68 Giving Girl

    NO, I’m completely the same.. I mean we know what we’re supposed to do right? ..but then in the heat of the moment I just struggle to put it into practice..

    ..I either don’t say what I know I should be saying, as though there’s some fear there (maybe that’s because of how much I love him)
    ..or it comes out in an angry, childish outburst

    neither makes me feel good..

    ..so why cant I just follow the advice and say what I feel when I feel it, its so scary..

    My ex was outwardly loving, affectionate, worshipped the ground I walked on, would marry me, have kids, anything. I couldnt have been more secure and never had one relationship problem. I’d tell him what was what, never would I have ever had communication issues. I lost feeling though, I wanted something more.

    My boyfriend now I have all feeling for but he struggles to share feelings. I’ve seen glimpses of how he feels and hes even commented recently when he was abit tipsy on how he’s ‘besotted with me’ but he’d never say that sober. Although he says he loves me, he cuddles me, we spend all time together. Why dont I just feel secure? ..and therefore secure enough to share feelings

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:21am

  82. 82: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    what does everyone think of of my message to my so-called friend in comment #77?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:21am

  83. 83: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lama, how about something much simpler,
    “hey girl, i feel a little silly even “going there,” but i noticed i’m feeling a little jealous and mistrusting with you sometimes. is there a time we can talk about this? you’ve been my friend for a while and i don’t want to keep feeling like this — it’s not fair to either of us!!”

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:22am

  84. 84: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    butterfly….might as well…hell if it’s going to make you feel better :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:23am

  85. 85: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Slippin’ Goddess, I do the same things. I just tell myself I’m still damn loveable & each time I learn a little & am able to slooow down & change the thoughts in my head so that I can change the words that come out of my mouth & the actions I take.

    It’s slow, but it’s working. The best thing I can do is love myself. Do it more & more each day so that I’m so in love with myself & life that I don’t depend even a little tiny bit on anyone else for my happiness. It’s freeing.

    And I really believe that each time I conquer one of these little episodes, they become smaller & less frequent because I give them less energy. When there is no energy left in them, POOF! They are gone.

    It’s universal magic :-)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:24am

  86. 86: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Slippin Goddess 75

    all i can do is focus on myself, my own emotions, listening closely & honoring myself in a loving & respectful way…. (((lk))) (((slippingoddess))) (((men)))

    it’s ok. i’m practicing slow-ness. every time i feel the Heat rising up in me……. i make choices & talk to myself about it….. & try to do Right

    & it feels difficult sometimes, but i want to Believe what Daria said, that Right is Easy & Pleasurable : ))) ahhhhh huge sigh of relief – & “I Knew It !” : ))

    so i just keep going….. keep trying…. every time, i say ok, lk, keep trying : )

    another thing about sharing feelings.

    ummmm how to explain this…i have 2 minutes left on my “break” lol : p

    okkkkkkk

    i am in the room & i feel upset, like “this movie is horrible & the girl is getting rxped & i’m freaking out !!!!!”

    I can stand up, storm out. this is bxllshxt ! why did you put that movie on !! you know i hxte that !!!! RARRRRR

    or

    i can stay seated & say nothing, feel sad later, swallow pain & feel guilty & unworthy for not expressing

    or

    i can say this is really fxcked up, in a really judgemental tone of voice, like, “why did you buy this movie you sicko”

    or

    i can say

    aww… baby i feel scared & sad & sick…. i don’t want to watch things like this

    & ONLY the last option gives him the chance to stop the film, take you in his arms, & say, “ohhh baby….. i didn’t know…. i haven’t seen this…. i can fast-forward through this seen or we can just put something else on….. sweet girl, you shouldn’t have to see things like that”

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:24am

  87. 87: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    love is easy and effortless

    the details that follow are a bit more complicated

    but love itself is, in fact, easy and effortless. and i refuse to let any experiences deter me from this mindset. even though things did not turn out how i wanted them to, it still feels easy and effortless to simply love him, and anyone else. it’s not all about what i get in return, just the act of loving itself.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:27am

  88. 88: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @79 Slippin Goddess- You say you lost feeling for your ex who had no trouble sharing his feelings with you and giving you everything you claim you want.

    now, with your current bf, you have “feelings” and he struggles to share feelings.

    I would assume he would struggle with giving you any kind of commitment as well, and thus you feel safe in the limbo of not sharing feelings, because it keeps you from experiencing true intimacy.

    I’m just guessing, because I have the same kind of problems…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:28am

  89. 89: lkNo Gravatar says:

    *** disclaimer, i chose option 1 of freak out & leave the room

    *scene, not seen : p

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:30am

  90. 90: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly I wouldn’t send that…. Lots of blame and “you’s”. At least use the opportunity to practice real feling messages. (no you’s or implied you’s)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:30am

  91. 91: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @69: Iamabutterfly

    “what’s the longer story? it sounds to me like you guys were on different relationship timelines. I feel like you were feeling exclusive with him while he was feeling open to options with you. am I right?”

    I’ve known him for 7 years and he’s always flirted with me. He would try to kiss me on the lips when greeting me and I would give him my cheek. He tried getting my number a couple times and it took me forever to give it to him. He would invite me out on his motorcycle and boat, but I made excuses cause I knew he was interested and I was afraid. He’s a guy most people would say is a player and to stay away from. He had a new girl on his arm often. So, I was afraid because I knew I would fall for him and get hurt. So, I stayed away.

    One time, I even told him he was too old for me. Last May, I tried fixing him up with my friend, she’s divorced with kids, and in a different place than me. At this point, he said, well, you’ve made it very clear you are not interested in dating me, so we will be friends. I felt bad because I did like him. I told him this and said I just feel like we are in different places. I want to be with a man who will show me the good, bad and ugly. I feel like you were head over heels in love with your ex-wife, she broke your heart and took a piece with her. I feel you are guarded. I want a family and kids. I said, he would unintentionally break my heart.

    He replied, he’s not guarded, just hasn’t found Mrs. Right and kids are a possibility after marriage. He also said, so all the other guys you’ve given chances to wouldn’t break your heart, but I would, so you won’t give me a chance and want me to date your friend so I can break her heart instead?

    I said, it’s not that I think you’re a heartbreaker, I think you’re a good guy and all those other guys did break my heart. At this point, I felt like I no longer had an argument because he was right. I’m not giving him a change and I’m allowing judgments to get in the way.

    He came out to meet my friend, she basically kept walking away from the table and he sat there flirting with me. He didn’t like her anyways, she wasn’t his type. He gave me a hard time about it as if I knew better and I apologized not for that, but because she really embarrassed me that night and was so drunk. He told me, he really went there to see me anyways. After that, we started hanging out as friends for about a month, and we both started liking each other more each time. Then, one night he kissed me, in the rain, while I was sitting in my car getting ready to leave and then he ran inside. I completely froze up.

    Again, I felt bad for how I reacted and felt like “explaining” myself. He was distant for about a week and then told me he didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but when I just wanted to be friends, he dated this girl a few times. He had promised to spend her bday with her and she was coming in for the weekend. He didn’t know if he’d be seeing her again.

    I thanked him for being honest and telling me, but then I told him that he shouldn’t be kissing me when he’s dating her. I said, if you decide that you are not going to see her again, then I’m interested, but I’m only interested in dating and not an FWB situation. I told him I was a little mad and that’s when he back tracked and said, we should just remain friends so no one is mad. This is what he does every time I’m upset.

    A week later we were dating, so I assumed he was done with her. We never actually discussed it though.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:30am

  92. 92: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @81 Starla – Thanks for the advice, but honestly, that feels a bit warm to me.

    I feel really angry and I’m so sick of it and I don’t feel like I want to continue this friendship, until I see a change in her behavior and character.

    I feel like I need space.

    I feel like I need a friend break-up…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:31am

  93. 93: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    #84

    Good analogy lk ;)

    I just need to remember to do the last one..

    I get so overwhelmed by my feelings and my mind works overdrive..

    As you say.. poor men haha

    and.. like now, when I realise how hard work I am sometimes (as he is aswell mind! ;) ) I end up sending him a nice lil text.. like I feel like doing now..

    I bet he thinks Im bloody bi polar!! Its like a rollercoaster..

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:32am

  94. 94: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    #83 Goodheart

    I hear ya! haha I will give that a try aswell.. anything helps right

    :) xx

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:33am

  95. 95: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ****BUT****

    because i have been Practicing, i was able to get to Soft Gentle communication quickly again… just saying…. sorry, baby…. & he already knew. & he said, baby those scenes are just as disturbing for me as they are for you. & he was all gentle on me, even though i “messed up” communicating about it…. & also i will do better next time : )

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:34am

  96. 96: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jilly :-) I always love to see you posting.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:34am

  97. 97: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    79: Slippin’ Goddess

    I don’t know. I feel the same way. It’s just very scary for me.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:37am

  98. 98: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @89 Giving Girl – Oh, Giving Girl. That feels so complicated and exciting, but not necessarily healthy. My High School CD seems similar to this guy…

    I don’t know what to tell you…

    I feel guilty that I don’t know what to tell you…

    I feel sad.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:38am

  99. 99: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @77 lamabutterfly

    It feels harsh to me. I know how you are feeling, but are you trying to express your feelings and hope she understands and still have a friendship? Or do you want to not be friends anymore?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:40am

  100. 100: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    #86

    Lama I feel yes you are right in what you say..

    I guess I didnt really love my ex OR I knew how much he loved me so either way I was safe in being completely open and honest with him

    Now I really love my boyfriend but he isnt as open, he has 2 kids from 2 women already, he has other issues.. I know he loves me, we spend all our time together but he just isnt as open.. and thts what I want.. as bad as it sounds I wish he loved me like my ex did.. or maybe he does but just doesnt express it as well.. confusing

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:41am

  101. 101: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @88 thanks, Turquiose. I feel a little angry because I would honestly just like to bite her head off and give her a taste of her own medicine. or even just break up with her. but that wouldn’t be very productive, probably. Trying again…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:41am

  102. 102: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @97 Giving Girl – I feel sad and angry and I feel shaky about still being friends with her.

    I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need space. I feel like I would feel a lot safer with her if I saw changes in her behavior.

    but I haven’t seen changes. or I have, and they are not good ones.

    I feel stressed and sick in my stomach and tight in my chest…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:44am

  103. 103: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Goodheart,

    i like reading what you said : )

    it feels a lot like what i wrote to Slippin’Goddess, but yours is much easier for me to understand (LOL – imagine that) thank you.

    & i find it particularly difficult to decide, “yes, i was wrong – in my assumptions/fears about the situation & in the way i managed my reaction…. HOWEVER – even though i have decided to try to Make Changes In Myself – i still love myself radically & unconditionally”

    i wanted to ask Star-la-la-la about that earlier too…

    how is it that Self-Love correlates positively with Self-“Improvement” ??? this does not make mathematical sense to me lol… but i see that it is true : )

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:44am

  104. 104: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I must apologise I keep saying Lama and I’ve only just realised its I am a butterfly.. All this relationship talk is sending me nuts haha xx

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:46am

  105. 105: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, it’s like how when we show appreciation and positive reinforcement to our men, they keep giving us awesome, improved, step-up behavior.

    same thing, when we show love for ourselves even though we’re not perfect, it sets the tone just right for improvement:)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:47am

  106. 106: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    how do you say “I feel like you’re using me” without using “you?”

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:48am

  107. 107: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ 96 lamabutterfly

    Both he and I have issues and that is the biggest problem of all. We are both great people and we have so many things in common and similar, more than any other guy I’ve dated, but we both have our fears and insecurities. I feel all those people are wrong about him being a player. I think he’s afraid of getting hurt again and that’s why he runs away and starts with a new girl, until the cycle repeats. I’m afraid of him running away if I show him all of me. We are both self-sabatogers, but we do have a connection that always seems to hang on. I just wish I could break past my fears and open myself up and then maybe he would feel safe enough to do the same.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:49am

  108. 108: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been feeling used lately.
    I’ve been feeling copied and followed.
    I don’t feel safe being open and honest with you anymore.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:51am

  109. 109: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @100 lamabutterfly

    I have to get back to work, but I’m going to think on this. I’m not sure what to say yet.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:52am

  110. 110: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lama, it is a warm letter, because unless you’re really cutting off the friendship, it’s important to stay open to the possibility that she means well. if you don’t want to continue the friendship and can’t believe she means well, then don’t say “i FEEL like you are using me,” say “YOU ARE USING ME, and i’m done with this friendship.”

    but otherwise i recommend something more along the lines of, “sometimes i end up feeling a little used, and i don’t want to feel that way since we’ve been friends for a while, so can we please talk about this?”

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:52am

  111. 111: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @102 I thought it was Lama too! LOL

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:53am

  112. 112: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve felt really uncomfortable. I’ve felt disconnected.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:53am

  113. 113: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @108 Starla – Thanks. I feel like what I honestly want is just a break.

    Not a break-up necessarily, but a break.

    She is not being who I believe she could be, or the good person she used to be, and I don’t think I’ll feel safe with her until I see her being “the better her,” again, if you will.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:56am

  114. 114: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    how in the world do I communicate that?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:57am

  115. 115: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel too sensitive. I feel tired of losing friends over my sensitivities. at the same time, I want more respect from my friends! Sometimes they just treat me like crap and for their own selfish means and I’m just so sick of it!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:58am

  116. 116: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so angry and sad and mistrustful! Mostly just sad…

    Oh I feel sad…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:59am

  117. 117: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i dunno, first step is separating your own feelings from your thoughts/judgments of her behavior, though. it’s not your job to be the cold vanguard of personality right and wrong. it’s your job to speak your feelings.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:00pm

  118. 118: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – Way too long and way too filled with yous. Even though you feel angry, letting loose will not help you here. You won’t get the answers you seek, and you just won’t feel any better.

    You don’t really know what she’s up to. You’re making it up, and for all you know, it’s all lies. It could very well be your gremlins talking and creating here.

    Even if it’s all true, talking to her like this won’t help YOU in any way.

    I did like Starla’s take on it. Here’s another.

    “I’m feeling angry, confused, and just all around awful. It seems as though you have been flirting with my guy, and this feels horrible. I feel betrayed, and now I feel mistrustful.

    I don’t know what to do here. I don’t want to feel this way, (and I don ‘t want to lose you as a friend.) What can we do here?”

    xxoo

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:08pm

  119. 119: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – #85 – yes!!! beautiful…

    xxoo

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:11pm

  120. 120: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel guilty for spamming the blog so much. I feel like crying. It would feel good to be held.

    I feel guilty because one of my guy friends gives really good hugs, and I love hugging him when I feel sad, and I hugged him in front of Jack CD and I feel guilty about that, because Jack CD isn’t as big as my guy friend and I don’t disappear into Jack CD like I do with my guy friend.

    I love hugging big guys that you disappear into!

    I don’t think Jack CD likes hugging very much. He’s only initiating hugs with me a couple of times. but man…he can turn me on like nobody else just by gently touching me or looking into my eyes!

    I feel guilty for admitting that.

    I feel a little turned on hugging my big guy friend.

    I feel guilty for admitting that because I don’t know if I could ever really be with my guy friend because…oh my gosh I don’t know why…

    I feel confused…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:12pm

  121. 121: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @116 Thanks, Dominique! I really like your feeling message. It feels perfect.

    The only thing is, he is not technically “my guy.” He hasn’t asked me for a commitment. So he’s technically fair game, right?

    but I’ve told her so much about what’s happened between me and him.

    her sister is interested in him too, and so-called friend won’t flirt with him in front of her sister, even though it’s clear he’s not interested in her sister at all.

    but she’ll sure as heck flirt with him in front of me. which makes me feel unloved and used…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:16pm

  122. 122: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly I like Starla’s suggestion. I even thought of suggesting “I feel judgemental” because that was how your comment hit my mind.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:19pm

  123. 123: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly I would also practice using FMs without “like” after the feel.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:21pm

  124. 124: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel scared of losing Jack CD over this.

    Like he’s going to see her handling her emotions so much better, and just leave me and pick her.

    he won’t see her bad side until long down the road, and then he’s going to want to come back to me and I’m going to feel too “second choice.”

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:22pm

  125. 125: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens,

    I updated my OkCupid profile on Saturday, and one of the things I wrote is, “I like trying new things, especially if I feel a little afraid; I feel committed to personal growth, to stepping outside my comfort zone and either reinforcing that boundary or expanding it.”

    A guy emailed me with, “Hi- I’m . I’d be happy to draw you out of your comfort zone.”

    I replied, “I feel a little weird reading that.” I just didn’t know how to take it–was it supposed to be funny, a sexual innuendo, or what?

    His reply was, “Im sorry. I only said that because you said you were looking for something like that. I take it you find me creepy and want me to leave you alone ? ”

    So, would a reply be explaining? If not, how could I best construct a FM to ask him to clarify his intent?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:23pm

  126. 126: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m crying. I’m so sick of being put on the backburner, because I feel so scared and because I’m still learning.

    Why can’t I be put on the front-burner for once? and recognize it when a guy has me on the front burner?

    Why can’t I ever respond to men in timely and appropriate matter?

    I’m so sick of being left…

    Jack CD has been so patient with me, and I feel like he’s just going to leave me for her and give up on me after all this time…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:25pm

  127. 127: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – It feels good that this resonated with you.

    Technically maybe yes he’s up for grabs, but an unspoken code between friends is hands off since you’ve been dating him. If a friend does not respect this, then she’s not much of a friend.

    If this has been a pattern with your friends though you didn’t specifically say so, then maybe it’s time for a new circle of friends. Maybe your work on you had you growing in a different direction than they. This can happen when you are doing deep inner work.

    xxoo

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:26pm

  128. 128: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @120 & 121 Feminine Woman – Thanks so much. I just love you…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:27pm

  129. 129: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @125 Thanks, Dominique. I guess it has been a pattern. She is the third friend who has acted insanely jealous of me and tried to keep me from interacting with guys while she is with me.

    I feel scared and sad to find new friends…

    I don’t know who to trust. I wish I could trust someone…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:32pm

  130. 130: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brandilyon I would tell him I felt weird because I started second guessing myself if I wanted to leave my comfort zone. I wouldn’t agree with anything he said it sounds too juggemental and like you have written him off already. Make the response about you.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:33pm

  131. 131: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Lk, thank you. Sometimes I feel like I have all the answers inside me. Actually, I know that to be true. Absolutely anything I want to know – all I have to do is ask & the answer is revealed to me.

    It’s the putting it into practice that seems harder.

    And I get all balled up in this tight little knot of resistance. It’s simply just trying too hard. Once I let go & trust that it all will be ok, that’s when the resistance melts away & all the answers are not only there but they are easy for me to follow.

    And the answer always seems to be love.

    Lead with love.

    Even when you feel angry, sad, hurt, frustrated, petrified.

    Start with love. Loving yourself makes it easy to love others. And for them to love you.

    Ah, so simple.

    Hehe, until something makes us angry or sad or frustrated :-)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:34pm

  132. 132: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    maybe I pick girlfriends who are similar to my mother? who love me deeply and show what I perceive as love by controlling me?

    I feeel saddddd.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:35pm

  133. 133: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly I could be that your self confidence could use a boost. You don’t need to be competing with other women for men’s attention. You are a siren.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:36pm

  134. 134: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I tried to talk to my mom about what I felt like was a an attempt to sabbatoge my relationships when I was younger.

    She listened, and was nice about it, but neither confirmed nor denied that she did that…

    I feel so angry and sad…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:37pm

  135. 135: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @131 Feminine Woman – I think you might be right. and I feel sad. and I still feel scared that Jack CD is going to leave me because of my insecurity. I feel all these feelings and blame other people for them. When really, it’s all going on inside me…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:40pm

  136. 136: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel scared because he looked so uncomfortable last night and he wouldn’t look at me, but he glanced at her…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:42pm

  137. 137: MelNo Gravatar says:

    @ lk & Slippin’ Goddess

    (((poor men)) indeed!

    Yesterday I was having a ‘moment’. I let myself get too hungry and too tired and too busy and all I wanted was a hug and when he didn’t immediately deliver upon my arrival I broke down into tears.

    And then I was feeling so infantile that I couldn’t even speak my feelings and he was left all clueless… and honestly I could almost feel his energy go into shut-down mode.

    I sat there sobbing, with my head on his shoulder for a bit, and then I said some magic words. “I feel sad, but it’s nothing you’ve done…”

    I could feel his energy completely change and he squeezed me and held me and kissed me and then I asked him for some toast. He said: “Sure, anything you want baby…”

    And the toast made me feel 1000% better and then I was able to say how I was feeling. And he was very appreciative to learn how to handle future hungry/tired meltdowns and stated: “Next time you’re upset for no apparent reason, I’ll give you a big hug and some food… in that order.” I said “Thanks ____, that would feel perfect!”

    (((Mr. A)))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:42pm

  138. 138: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so mad at myself for being so insecure!

    If I was truly secure, NONE of this would be bothering me at all and I wouldn’t have made an idiot of myself last night, I wouldn’t have left early last night, I wouldn’t have felt threatened by her at all last night. I shouldn’t feel threatened by her at all, ever!!!

    I am freaking amazing and that’s why girls get jealous of me!

    and it’s mostly because of THEIR own insecurity!!

    If every woman was secure in herself, none of this crap would happen!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:47pm

  139. 139: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I want all these bad feelings to go away!
    I want to have a good, healing, sob session!

    My tears feel stubborn!
    I feel angry!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:48pm

  140. 140: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    @135 Mel

    Awww.. touching <3

    Men can be so cute ..and clueless! haha

    xxx

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 12:50pm

  141. 141: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Music Man just climbed to the top of my list of favorite CDs! He took the morning off so that he could bring me lunch today…and then he invited me to go to a wedding next month!!! I’m starting to fall for him. Feel like I want to catch myself before I get hurt but I am resisting the urge and sitting back to receive whatever is coming my way.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:02pm

  142. 142: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i closed my one secure credit card to get back my deposit AND i opened up a second savings account for my savings goals…so now i have 3 months rent saved up and a big chunk saved towards a car! i feel so proud of myself! i have completely turned around my financial situation!

    and i got myself a healthy lunch and i feel so loving toward myself.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:12pm

  143. 143: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly, thanks for your caring words. I’m sorry about your friend. :(

    To whomever wrote to my guy: He deleted your email, and all you did was make a man feel bad.

    I do still feel angry and sad that someone would do such a thing. I will probably never know “why.”

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:13pm

  144. 144: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly, thanks for the hug and compassion.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:15pm

  145. 145: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i told alaska i want to go hot air ballooning before i die, so he asked me if i would please be his date for that, and that we’ll go soon. nice! i love it!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:15pm

  146. 146: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl and Siren Song – thanks. <3

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:18pm

  147. 147: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Iamabutterfly))))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:21pm

  148. 148: Memulo says:

    I leaned forward this morning, still feeling all happy about our phone conversation last night and texted him something tender.. just one word. He replied later ‘Hi, more dr’s today’ – he is been sick with a flu for a week now. I don’t know what to do lol. That was a few hours ago. To ask how it was – I want to know, but don’t want to ask. Not to respond feels cold since he is sick. ‘Good luck!’ I already did not say;)

    Is it ok not to respond?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:21pm

  149. 149: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I LOVE this:

    “but love itself is, in fact, easy and effortless. and i refuse to let any experiences deter me from this mindset. even though things did not turn out how i wanted them to, it still feels easy and effortless to simply love him, and anyone else. it’s not all about what i get in return, just the act of loving itself.”

    I love that so much!!!!

    Thank you Starla!! <3

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:24pm

  150. 150: Memulo says:

    Yay Starla! love action dates;)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:26pm

  151. 151: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aw, it feels so validating and special to read that other people like my outlook on love:)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:29pm

  152. 152: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I hang out with a bunch of guy friends on Tuesday nights sometimes. I feel excited and looking forward to it tomorrow. The guys make me feel so good…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:36pm

  153. 153: Memulo says:

    Starla, I think I realized this morning why I feel so scared to call men back. I used to have a bfriend for a long time who would call and leave a very intense VM, but when I call back would be mean and cold to me. The absolute gem was when he called from a different country and said that he was sure he can’t live without me and asked me to marry him. I called back 2-3 days later, after a huge inner work and he said yeah I changed my mind. I think I was just lonely on holidays and bored. LOL

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:37pm

  154. 154: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((memulo)))))))))))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:43pm

  155. 155: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @iamabutterfly,

    i feel you.

    i feel all this self-hxte & i’m really trying to love on myself….

    we went out to eat last night & i kindofsortof felt like his eyes were wandering (i looked behind me a couple times & just random bar happenings – humans entering & leaving… no salma hayek 5 feet behind me or anything lol…) but then at a point there was a cute waitress in a cute skirt & i felt he was really “tracking her” with his eyes….

    so…. even though i have been a little “difficult” the past couple weeks…….. i still wanted to honor my feelings, so i said to him, ” i feel a little weird when i feel like my man is watching another woman”

    & he goes, “when ?”

    LOL, so i say, oh just now, with that waitress, & he goes, oh, i want some blue cheese dressing

    & i started laughing & i was like, yeah… i really don’t feel that way with you ever….

    & then i just feel like a lunatic. because seriously i still am thinking to myself, ok well he wanted some blue cheese……. but still ! was he just staring at her long tan legs, imagining what faces she makes in bed ?

    i am horrible to myself ! wow, just recognizing those as “NVs” feels huge right now…. but i still feel like crying : (

    how silly !!!! how very very silly.

    & of course my instinct is to bring this to him… but i have already heard him say, you’re the only woman who touches me…. & i want to be faithful & i want a life-long relationship… & there will be people who are “more attractive” but that’s not what it’s about… & the “grass is always greener”……. & “there are other wonderful, beautiful women, but they are not for me. you are the one for me.”

    so how can i possibly think to bring this up to him ? that feels so disrespectful. at the same time…. i am all space-y because i feel so afraid.

    crying now imagining a) losing him b) how it must feel for him when i express mis-trust of him

    poor man & he is so sweet ! & usually he is not defensive (even when i am only just so-so on my communications) ! amazing !!!

    this morning he was making jokes….. i was saying how beauteous his eyes are… & he was joking, “oh yeah if i was a lady, oooh i’d be a slxt ! with sugar daddies galore” LOL

    well fun little me goes, “baby, your daughters are going to have those eyes, so watch it”

    & he goes, “oh, i’m not having any Girls – we’re moving to China before you get pregnant & all the girls are getting sent away”

    then he laughs… & waits… & he’s like “are you still here ?” (lol because we had been showering but i got out first)

    normal normal normal lk is like, “i don’t know what to say to you right now”

    & he is like, “say you love me & you’re excited to see me when you get home from work”

    & i go, “so you were joking ? that was a joke ?”

    & he’s like, “of course….. ”

    & i’m like, you don’t even know. people do fxcked up things & control their partners in fxcked up ways.

    & of course he said, well i wouldn’t date you if i thought you were capable of something like that”

    & i said, yes, i agree.

    & then he tried to “fix” the situation by discussing the different cultural scenarios that might give rise to such a dilemma

    LOL the poor poor man !!!!!!!! (((((((((cd)))))))))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:44pm

  156. 156: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Goodheart…awww…I feel smiley…I love your posts :)

    Starla…that’s exactly it..when we treat ourselves the way we treat men, with gratitude, appreciation and love..the possibilities are endless… :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:45pm

  157. 157: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Mel…that feels so good to hear and soft and smiley :) yay ((((Mr.A))))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:46pm

  158. 158: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling a new wave of ickiness about someone writing him that email. Especially the lies…. I feel afraid he will believe the lies.

    I feel sad that a siren would do that.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:48pm

  159. 159: Memulo says:

    Maybe I won’t ask what the dr’s said? Though if it were me I’d like a friend to ask.. I feel so stupid-)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:48pm

  160. 160: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for lettting me spam the blog, Sirens. I love you all. I finally feel peaceful and calm. Took long enough! :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:48pm

  161. 161: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    He said that the reason he told me about it was so that I would know someone was breaking a confidence… so that I could be aware….. aware that someone was betraying me…. :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:52pm

  162. 162: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Lucy

    i’m sure it wasn’t a siren who only knows you from this site. probably someone in your “real life” who noticed somehow that you were posting here ?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:53pm

  163. 163: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if she will write to him again, telling him that I am talking about the email on the blog.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:53pm

  164. 164: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @153 lk – aww, I can totally relate to that waitress story. There are beautiful women everywhere. but he is sitting in front of YOU and treating YOU and spending time with YOU and choosing to be with YOU. let’s feed our NV’s some really good m&m cookie and icing sandwiches so they’ll shut up and leave us alone!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:55pm

  165. 165: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LK, the only person in real life who knows I post here is Radlove (and i hope it wasn’t her!!!)

    There are some people who know me on both here and on facebook (and 2-3 who know him on facebook as well).

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:57pm

  166. 166: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling challenged around all the love and help coming towards me.

    I was just talking to a colleague and had to admit that the finger that got the most damage is the one I hated most of my life.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:58pm

  167. 167: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Daria))))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 1:59pm

  168. 168: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((FeminineWoman)))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:02pm

  169. 169: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – If he really cared about how this is making you feel, he would tell you who was doing it!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:03pm

  170. 170: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lucy, if he wanted you to know, wouldn’t he have saved the email and told you who it was from?

    i feel weird about this but i also don’t want to make you paranoider

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:06pm

  171. 171: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – he’s not telling you who it was?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:10pm

  172. 172: lkNo Gravatar says:

    lol @ “paranoider”

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:11pm

  173. 173: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy who is Radlove? I have seen one siren talk about meeting and connecting with you outside the blog. It was not Radlove, unless she changed her name and I missed it.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:13pm

  174. 174: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i think i’m fxcking “cool” – oh… lol… perhaps i don’t actually. that feels weird to notice. yeah i guess i think i’m a fat stinky loser who is bossy & too-good at school to be any fun. also, who likes things that are “baby-ish” & gets scared easily. oooh i really tapped a well of self-hxte : )))) i’m going to save that for when i get home ((((((((((((((((((((((((LK))))))))))))))))))))))))))) don’t worry, baby : ) it will be ok : ) i bet someone will cook you a steak for dinner : )))))))) eat food !!!! YUMMMMM

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:16pm

  175. 175: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – Radlove yes did change her name to that recently

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:16pm

  176. 176: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    lk and Iamabutterfly – Men like to look and NOT just at women, They look at men and children too. The are curious which I suppose goes back to cave man times when they had to be very aware of their surroundings for survival.

    You are just noticing when he looks at a woman though. And many times they are not even aware they looked.

    If they are with you, into you, in love with you, love you, none of it means anything. Even if he did find her attractive, sexy, whatever, it still means nothing.

    In fact YOU benefit. If he feels a slight arousal over another woman, his thoughts will turn to you next, for he associates affection and sex with you, not some stranger.

    Other women fuel the fires of his arousal for YOU. Other women are good for YOU.

    xxoo

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:17pm

  177. 177: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria.

    Dominique that thought/belief feels so juicy I am feeling turned on just wrapping my mind around it.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:21pm

  178. 178: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Well…I just found out that my dad proposed to his girlfriend this weekend!!!!! I feel so happy and excited for both of them. This is another match made in heaven! :) They’ve only been dating a few months…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:24pm

  179. 179: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens, I ordered a deck of goddess tarot cards today! Super excited together them this week! :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:26pm

  180. 180: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, he doesn’t know who it was from – it was anonymous. From a gmail account with no recognizable name.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:28pm

  181. 181: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Daria, no, he doesn’t know who it was.

    FW, yes, Radlove was a name change.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:30pm

  182. 182: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m just feeling so down..

    I’ve been quite moody sometimes these past few weeks with my bf.. Often warranted but I react to his issues sulky and moody like a child.

    I was so busy for a couple of months my bf felt left out and now I’ve finished work I’m back at home over thinking and analysing and now Im the one feeling that way..

    We’ve always sent each other nice flirty text though the whole time we’ve been together and yet these past few weeks things just arent feeling the same abd even the texts arent the same..

    I wish we could get the loving back :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:36pm

  183. 183: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    However it seems you don’t know whether is male or female. For some reason after reading your comment on the other thread my gut feeling is that something is not ringing true. How did your gut feel when he first told you Lucy? The gut feeeling not the knee jerk reaction.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:36pm

  184. 184: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lucy! That is exactly what my ex husband told me when he was lying and doing it all himself. I obviously don’t know this man, but everything in me is screaming that he is doing this to you on purpose! My ex was so sincere about the whole thing too – he even acted like it was making him sick and he just wanted it to stop! Then he started making things up that the same person had hacked into my work email and was forwarding him stuff from there too. We were going through a divorce and he was just trying to freak me out and control me. He was really good at it – I never would have thought he was that smart or that much of a liar either. Just try not to get too caught up in what he is telling you. If he is on here reading this . . . GET OVER YOURSELF AND STOP BEING SUCH A NARCISSISTIC JERK!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:44pm

  185. 185: lkNo Gravatar says:

    oh, dominique !! thank you & that is beautiful : )

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 2:51pm

  186. 186: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Slippin’ Goddess

    everything can change totally so fast – that’s the beauty & the fright : )

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:00pm

  187. 187: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, i don’t believe radlove would do that to you. She recently went through a similar thing which prompted the name change. She has expressed her concern numerous times of over sharing here and being “found out”.

    My ex did that to me too.. On fb. Said some of my friends weren’t really my friends, we’re telling him about some of my posts. All he did was look at our common friends and see my status comments. If he’s hurting and wants you back…. I expect he’d be checking up on you and try to shatter the security you feel on the blog. Hugs to you no matter what.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:01pm

  188. 188: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    FW, my first reaction when he told me was “What! More drama???” And then i felt angry, and then sad…

    And I did feel a little suspicious when he said he deleted it right away…..

    I know I wouldn’t delete an email like that!! At least not right away!

    (btw, I was mistaken – it was a hotmail account, not gmail – I reread his message to me.)

    So, I don’t know. It feels like “the lesser of two evils” to think about it being NOT him that did it…

    It would feel really sickening if it was him…. Not so much that he would read the blog (though that would feel bad since he had said he wouldn’t), but if he would lie and make up a story about someone else doing it.

    I hope that’s not the case.

    I do love him and care about him.

    I love and care about myself too,

    and I don’t know why I “attracted” this. :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:08pm

  189. 189: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    uh oh My comment is in moderation…..

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:08pm

  190. 190: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, I don’t believe radlove would do it either. I think she loves me and i love her. <3

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:11pm

  191. 191: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Today I read my yearly love horoscope and it said in April, I’d have fun and new romantic interests and fun would last through August. In may, an old lover will return. Interested to see how it works out. Lol.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:11pm

  192. 192: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    turquoise, my love horoscope says in may i will have MANY men to choose from for life partner. that feels exciting and scarrryyyy. what’s your sign?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:13pm

  193. 193: lkNo Gravatar says:

    mmmm i love the idea of getting turned on myself when i imagine that he might be getting turned on… & thinking about me : )) love it !

    that would make me want to compliment him on how sexy he is : )))) which i’m sure is just what is wanted / needed when noting another attractive woman : )

    YUM i love it ! thanks, dominique ! : )

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:15pm

  194. 194: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    #184 lk

    “everything can change totally so fast – that’s the beauty & the fright” : )

    It sure can.. and it sure is.. Thankyou xx

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:21pm

  195. 195: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the hugs, Turquoise.

    So, even after your ex did that to you and lied to you, you still want him back? (Or is that a different ex?)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:22pm

  196. 196: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    :)

    xxoo

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:24pm

  197. 197: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Trying this comment again – it went to moderation.

    FW, my first reaction when he told me was “What! More drama???” And then i felt angry, and then sad…

    And I did feel a little suspicious when he said he deleted it right away…..

    I know I wouldn’t delete an email like that!! At least not right away!

    So, I don’t know. It feels like “the lesser of two evils” to think about it being NOT him that did it…

    It would feel really sickening if it was him…. Not so much that he would read the blog (though that would feel bad since he had said he wouldn’t), but if he would lie and make up a story about someone else doing it.

    I hope that’s not the case.

    I do love him and care about him.

    I love and care about myself too,

    and I don’t know why I “attracted” this.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:24pm

  198. 198: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    This is weird. I am trying to post a comment to FW and it keeps going to moderation.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:25pm

  199. 199: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lucy, if you need help figuring out what sent you to moderation, just FB me <3

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:34pm

  200. 200: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla. I sent it to you on fb. <3

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:38pm

  201. 201: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Trying again. (Thanks Starla)

    FW, my first reaction when he told me was “What! More drama???” And then i felt angry, and then sad…

    And I did feel a little suspicious when he said he deleted it right away…..

    I know I wouldn’t delete an email like that!! At least not right away!

    (btw, I was mistaken – it was a hotmail account, not gmail – I reread his message to me.)

    So, I don’t know. It feels like “the lesser of two e***s” to think about it being NOT him that did it…

    It would feel really sickening if it was him…. Not so much that he would read the blog (though that would feel bad since he had said he wouldn’t), but if he would lie and make up a story about someone else doing it.

    I hope that’s not the case.

    I do love him and care about him.

    I love and care about myself too,

    and I don’t know why I “attracted” this.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:43pm

  202. 202: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yay, success!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:46pm

  203. 203: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow, even though i contacted this CD i cancelled on once (last time we were scheduled to go out), i did manage to outgirl him by not asking directly when we’d go out again. it took like 2 months, but he finally asked me out again:P lolololol ((((((((((men)))))))))))
    i feel proud of him for finding his courage. i would have said yes this whole time. silly.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 3:51pm

  204. 204: Memulo says:

    FW,

    How are you feeling?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:05pm

  205. 205: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    it’s so nice to see that all my CDs from when I was dating CF are still here for me. I am glad I still accepted invitations and attention from other men while I was dating CF, especially since he never made any concrete moves to make us official in any capacity. He did VERBALLY put marriage on the table, but then he moved away and pulled away, so I looked to his actions and not his words.

    so thanks to Rori and CD’ing, I am able to easily recover from this, and there is actually a line of men waiting to take me out. how neat! i feel desired and wanted and not like total sh*t, yay!

    i got asked out by 3 different guys today! yay!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:09pm

  206. 206: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    It’s kind of funny how you’re talking about the finger which you hated most of your life.

    I feel curious as to which finger it is now…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:10pm

  207. 207: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, that’s awesome!

    I can honestly feel how high your vibe is now! :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:11pm

  208. 208: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    When I was away for a while last year, my man, all emotion and missing me (if only that stuck) said he’d like me to get him a present from every country, like even a bracelet or something (he seemed cautious saying it). He is NOT the holiday bracelet wearing kind of guy. Hes a big manly lump haha. So I never even got him one. It just isnt him at all.

    Well recently a cheap multicoloured wool/cotton bracelet thing fell out my draw, it was one I picked up travelling and I jokingly said to him “here, there’s the bracelet I got you haha!”

    Well my, often emotionless, lack of expression/feeling lump of a man (bit harsh there but you get the picture) hasnt had the bloody thing off since.

    He’s going into work in a big factory full of men with this multicoloured band round his wrist haha and it seems so strange to me but so cute at the same time.

    What is going on? Is my lump a bit sentimental after all? haha Opinions ladies.. xx

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:11pm

  209. 209: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique @ 174

    You are a sweetheart!

    I actually recall hearing or reading about that before, but I had forgotten it. It’s so helpful!

    I just love it, thank you for reminding me! :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:14pm

  210. 210: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I feel glad about your guys to date. :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:16pm

  211. 211: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    off to my new gym, where there are loads of friendly, wonderful people:)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:23pm

  212. 212: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel physically ill from this.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:23pm

  213. 213: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, yes…. We are such a better place now. That was years ago…. During our divorce. And while it did make me a little suspicious of some common friends we had, I realized pretty quickly what he was attempting. We’ve been getting along really well for over a year now. I know we’ve both grown and healed a lot. But, he says he can’t get past some old hurts, so we arent working towards a reconciliation , just a friendship and co-parenting in the best way possible. So, trying to move on and cding. I feel more ready to cut the cord and let him go. So, my visualization includes that now. I feel fortunate to have him in my life. He’s always been there to help support me, more than anyone else ever. I still love him. A ton. But I am learning to love myself too…. And I deserve a man in my life that makes me feel loved and adored, not just cared about.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:31pm

  214. 214: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…. I am a Sagittarius and it fits me to a t! :)

    I heard from 3 of my cd’s today. Enjoying the attention. It’s good self esteem building. Butterfly, are you cding???

    Lizka….. Where are you girlie?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:33pm

  215. 215: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, I spoke to Lizka on FB earlier.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:37pm

  216. 216: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, it’s interesting that *he* can’t get past old hurts, yet you got past him doing that to you.

    How did you figure out it was him, and not actually friends?

    Hmmm. “And I deserve a man in my life that makes me feel loved and adored, not just cared about.” … At the beginning of our relationship I felt very loved and adored. I don’t know what changed, but, like you, I now only feel cared about (which is nice, but….)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:38pm

  217. 217: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so weird and desperate.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:42pm

  218. 218: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    arghh im triggered.. just thinking about how different things feel :(

    Hes barely text all day ..and when he has its been jus general stuff….if I reply back nice, flirty like we both normally do I dont even get a reply..

    Dunno whats going on with him..

    was just about to send a text saying so but thought Id vent on here first.. :(

    often wish i didnt care..

    gonna go to sleep feeling lonely and unloved haha (1am uk time)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:43pm

  219. 219: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    #213 ..same here Lucy :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:44pm

  220. 220: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry Slippin’ Goddess. :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:46pm

  221. 221: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    My fear has passed about what I thot might be happening….I thot Kenny had someone checking up on me here, but it wasn’t here.

    So I can freely say, this is Brenda.

    But I intend to stay with Radlove so I don’t need to worry about this in the future.

    And no, I would never do that to Lucy. I love her, too. <3

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:49pm

  222. 222: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 4:50pm

  223. 223: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    Just reading about someone e-mailing your guy.

    Wow, that feels awful.

    I feel shocked.

    :-(

    Hugs.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:01pm

  224. 224: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I sometimes worry about my man, or my CDs reading here.

    And, with my man, actually I don’t really say anything that he doesn’t already know… he knows how I feel about most things… and I prefer transparency, even if it feels scary sometimes.

    The only things I might feel uncomfortable about are some of my riffings, which might be misunderstood, or posts from the past…

    But, you know what.

    This is me.

    And if they don’t like it they shouldn’t read here!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:07pm

  225. 225: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Well, I guess I never found out 100%, but realized he could read my status updates because we had friends in common, and back then… Your status was listed next to your pic in the friends list. I blocked him, which took care of it. It hurt my feelings for a little while, but in the long run…. It wasn’t a big deal. We both said a lot of mean things to each other back then. He is the kind of person who makes a decision, and can’t change his mind. I’m not like that. He admits it’s a bad trait, but he just can’t let things go. I feel he has made up for a lot of past hurts, and I choose to be happy. Holding on to old pain, disappointments and bad feelings doesn’t make me happy. It took 2 to screw up our marriage and would take 2 to repair our relationship and reconcile. I can’t do it by myself, and I stopped trying. He’s doing a lot of work on himself, he’s a really good father, has been very generous with me. I truly appreciate him. But me pining for him, wasn’t good for either of us. So , mentally setting him “free” and shifting my focus to myself and the future relationship I want. It’s hard, I feel sad…. Amazing how many times I can grieve over the same man…. But I’m getting there. It really helps that cding is such a good distraction.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:15pm

  226. 226: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Ella. You know what, you’re right! I am upfront and honest with him anyway, so who cares?

    Although I guess the part that feels bad is that the person made it look like I was “saying bad things” about him to the whole world. She told him, “Lucy is writing things that make you look bad and blaming you for things and saying that you need to man up and fix the situation.”

    So, it was the way it was stated that felt awful. :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:21pm

  227. 227: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Seven different men have contacted me since I put my OkCupid profile back up Saturday evening! I feel excited!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:22pm

  228. 228: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I might not care that pilot is 51…. We texted today about grabbing our swimsuits and running away to some place sunny :) I feel so excited at the thought of having access to a personal plane! He said he wants to spoil me and treat me like a princess…. That feels SO appealing.

    Ohio liked to talk about our possible future, and having two incomes comes up a lot. He likes the idea of saving together for vacations, retirement… Sharing expenses. I know that’s rational and something I didn’t think twice about in my marriage… But this is turning me off a little. I don’t want to fel financially responsible for my next husband. I feel turned off he feels the need to bring this up now. Not sure what I should say, but if it comes up again, I’d like to be prepared.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:27pm

  229. 229: Memulo says:

    Turquoise,

    It feels strange to me too that OhioCD is bringing this up after just one date. Can it be that you don’t feel ready (appropriate) discussing this after one date?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:50pm

  230. 230: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The middle finger on my right hand is the one and it has the worst damage. Again the doc repeated today he hopes it survives. I can even vaguely remember thinking about this kind of thing happening. Anyway right now my focus and energy is toward healing. I feel unusally rested and happy today in spite of stabbing pain today. I have even been laughing at myself so I know my vibrations are higher. Life feels so precious to me right now. I just practiced being in the moment with my friend who picked up the kids. It feels so light and freeing.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:51pm

  231. 231: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((((((((FW))))))))))))))))))))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:52pm

  232. 232: Memulo says:

    Plus if you decide to ‘save’ for anything, wouldn’t it be for your girls first? And not really for a guy who pictures having an access to your savings after one date LOL

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:55pm

  233. 233: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, we’ve been talking for 5 weeks…. Lots of long conversations, I know he really likes me. But you are right, and I’ve said several times lets just take it slow and see what happens, but I feel like he really wants to k ow if we are in the same page about things because he knows exactly what he wants.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:55pm

  234. 234: Memulo says:

    FW, I hope very much for you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:57pm

  235. 235: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Turq,

    Lucy I would go back to the initial experience and keep going deep to see what feeling you might uncover. Keep asking yourself what am I feeling?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:59pm

  236. 236: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, I don’t know that he wants access, but more like 50/50. We’d both be saving for our vacations, etc.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 5:59pm

  237. 237: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turq I suspect Ohio is relationship ready to pair bond and is already in instant relationship mode.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:01pm

  238. 238: Memulo says:

    Turquoise, I know you’ve been talking for a while and it’s good that he tells you upfront what to expect, but still I’d feel happier reading that he is offering something to you and your children ;)

    Now that I think about it, in my experience guys that wanted ‘sharing’ didn’t turn out to be very generous at the end. They somehow were always concerned about sharing equally;) Not saying this guy is like that, only bringing your attention to it!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:09pm

  239. 239: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Feminine Woman}}},

    Just catching up here a little.

    I am so sorry to hear about your fingers. :-(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:11pm

  240. 240: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique – thank you for the wisdom about other men juiciing him up for me, and other women are GOOD for me

    babysteps

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:16pm

  241. 241: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    one of my fears and that feels bad is when a guy knows what kinda relationship he wants and is tryna fit me in that

    I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT KINDA ERLATIONSHIP I WANT

    and i want HIM to want ME, and thats it.

    he knows what woman he wants… ME and he wants to give ME, MY HAPPY EVER AFTER

    that feels good

    i feel all angry and rargh aout it right now

    a lil bit panicked

    love to me

    ((((Daria))))

    you’re so great and wise and full of love!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 6:21pm

  242. 242: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    whew, those workouts feel amazing and there’s always at least one male member (lol, that sounds funny) at the gym who gets laser focused on me whiel i’m working out, almost like a puppy dog. it feels nice, like i have a who team of hot male cheerleaders.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:02pm

  243. 243: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, thanks for sharing your experience with me. <3 ……. FW, I went back to his messages and what I really feel/felt is anger and pain that a person would do something like that – not only to me but to him. I also feel like no matter how hard I try I always come out as "the bad guy." The story of my life. Also I realized that if the reverse had happned (if someone had told me he was writing abt me like that) I would be furious at him… and now I feel grateful he isn't furious at Me!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:06pm

  244. 244: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Also, I find I feel angry judging this person as “self-righteous” thinking it is her place to interfere like that as if she is G*d, as if she did it for “the greater good” (I am imagining that she told herself that.) So yes, I am ‘making up stories’ abt it that may or may not be true.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:22pm

  245. 245: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Just got home from school. Still no word from him. I have a final project where I need people to give me adjective describing me and I want to ask him, but I’ve been trying not to contact him since he’s not contacting me. I really want to say something though. I don’t understand why he’s not contacting me.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:23pm

  246. 246: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like texting, are you still on vacation and then when he replies that he’s home saying, awww, it feels bad not to have known. Or something.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:28pm

  247. 247: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I also felt/feel sad and disappointed bc I still love him and was still hoping for “us” and then he drops this bomb on me. It just seems like one thing after another has come against us, right from the beginning, to mess things up for us. Every time we worked thru one crisis another one would come along… just when we had started feeling good or hopeful again, almost every time. Weird things too, as if ppl and the universe were conspiring against us. :( We both tried so hard.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:29pm

  248. 248: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    givinggirl, just ask anyone but him:P
    this will blow over
    maybe try the drop to your knees tool, until you’re so bored with that feeling of him not being around that you get up and do something else

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:29pm

  249. 249: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh man! LP wants us back now. I love him so much and his children but I am not sure I am going to be happy with him forever. Music Man is making time for me in a way that LP doesn’t to cant.

    I chickened out and couldn’t deliver my speech over the phone because he was saying everything I always wanted him to say. Part of me is in awe, the other part is skeptical.

    I accepted that wedding invite from Music Man and I will not back out, but am I doing the right thing. I’m questioning everything right now. What am I doing? What should I do now? I think I am messing everything up! :(

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:30pm

  250. 250: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    givinggirl, i hope you’ll spam here if you need to instead of texting him<3

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:33pm

  251. 251: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I posted on FB and asked everyone lol. Drop to your knees? I need to read about all these tools everyone keeps talking about.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:34pm

  252. 252: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I really need to go to bed and get some real sleep. I’ve been running on empty for a while, not sleeping well and I have a big headache. My low oil light is on in my car, they can’t get it in the shop till Thursday. I tried checking it to see if I should add more, but I don’t know how to read the stupid dipstick. I’m just really stressed out. Thank you, I will probably be spamming tomorrow :)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:37pm

  253. 253: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo I agree…. Want a man who is thinking about what he brings to the table , what he will provide for me, what he can give that I need. I don’t get the feeling he is cheap, but that he’d like to travel, save more for retirement, and wants someone who shares those financial goals. Funny, I just thought of this now…. May be a challenge for me. I didn’t take my finances seriously in my marriage, caused a lot if damage. Kinda funny this is in my face now. Wondering how you share that you aren’t a gold digger, but want a man who provides for you?

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:43pm

  254. 254: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl,

    248 – About the oil, it could ruin your engine running it like that. Just blindly pour 2 quarts of oil in there and you won’t go wrong. If the oil light is on, it’s at least 2 quarts low.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:50pm

  255. 255: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yes FW…. He’s planning long range dates; a concert in Nov., a beautiful weekend in the city in December…. He’s instant relationship material. Part of me feels like experimenting with that, like why not try it and see what it’s like? Why do I always choose the noncommittal guys? Maybe it would feel good to slip into a relationship with someone who wants one? He’s attentive, he calls, texts, plans dates, has a lot of the traits I want. Why would this feel better to me if it was more of a challenge?
    I really want to circular date though, and I know he doesn’t want that. And I don’t want to lie and say I’m out with friends or deny if he asks me what my plans are……

    Daria, I agree with what you wrote. I don’t want to be squeezed into someone else’s vision of a relationship. I want to be offered the relationship I want.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 7:50pm

  256. 256: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    those are what i am used to thinking of as ‘nice guys’ guys who want insta relationship

    it doesn’t feel so ‘nice’ anymore now

    (((Daria)))

    i get why i didn’t feel safe with them

    i want to feel wanted and cherished and SEEN, not judged and evaluated

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:05pm

  257. 257: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Rori is describing me in this blog… almost to a tee. I did this to NSM nearly *all* the time & from the very get-go. No wonder he was even more detached than maybe he normally would be. Ak. It feels very good to read this, & do deep work on my inner dynamics & how/why I got this way, just letting it filter through my mind/heart (all the unspeakable chaos, conflict/violence & emotional neglect I grew up in etc). It feels very good to remember that everytime I let my wanting to do this come out as action & words, I`m shooting myself in the foot. It`s honestly a wonder I even have feet left. I am so sorry to myself & NSM & others for making them feel this way, & what it caused in my relationships. It feels good to be sorry for it, & to get traction. My “sorry” equals “I feel regretful & caring bc I did this to people I love & respect. #6 Emerson, you are welcome. Thanks to all who responded to me last night too.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:41pm

  258. 258: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #252 Daria, *right on*

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:45pm

  259. 259: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    FW, did you or can you get some e-oils for your finger?! They can help save & make it heal fast, but they need to be super high quality & food grade, even if you will only apply them to your finger externally. Maybe you already know about this. Please let me know if I can be of any help. gingersky234@gmail.com (there are also natural ointments & poultices that could help if you`re interested)

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 8:57pm

  260. 260: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #243 ((((((( Lucy ))))))) Aw, i feel you.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:01pm

  261. 261: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Starla, for forcing me to eat a few bites for breakfast
    Thank you for opening that account for me today, even though you felt that weird twinge of fear you get when you do prosperous things.
    Thank you for paying off my credit card.
    Thank you for tidying my finances.
    Thank you for taking me to the gym
    Thank you for the nice shower when I got home
    Thank you for feeding me quinoa
    Thank you for moisturizing my skin
    Thank you for drinking coconut water
    Thank you for brushing my teeth
    Thank you for openly receiving all those nice compliments people paid me today
    ((((((((((starla))))))))))))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 9:53pm

  262. 262: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Arg my angry ex is sending me email after email…30 or 40 today, from 8am until 11pm. Really intense, negative, stuff, how i’d let him down by not leaning forward, how i should have invited him to do things, how i ‘never did anything’, how he was replaceable because i didn’t want to be exclusive.

    That feels gross. Ew.

    I feel so free and light to be away from that energy on a regular basis.tomorrow I have a date with the guy who’s been into me for 8 years or so…should be fun.

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 10:13pm

  263. 263: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay Daria!

    you healed that feeling of feeling left out!

    and that feeling of feeling guilty for interfering between a guy who wanted to give u attention and another woman who they ‘should’ be together other people said…

    mmm

    still feel a bit uncomfortable with that one (((Daria)))

    and you did SO MUCH! to shift that thank you!

    and I feel excited to shift the feeling of feeling unattractive and like a wild raised mountain hermit creature and feeling bad for having chased men (((Daria)))

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:11pm

  264. 264: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it felt AMAZING to shift this whole ‘story’ memory i had

    in kindergarten: there were these 3 kids who got to stay up while the rest of us had to sleep

    they were the caretakers (who worked there) kids so they got special privileges

    one time i was laying awake listening to them playing farting games

    and feeling all both jealous and wishing i was part of their group AND very judgemental (i did not dig farting jokes and was judgemental about it)

    and i felt scared to even say Anything or let my presence and awakeness be known

    AND IVE HAD THAT MEMORY AS AN EXAMPLE OF ME NOT BEING COOL ENOUGH OR CLEVER ENOUGH TO GET MYSELF INCLUDED IN A GROUP…

    and i SHFITED IT

    i wwas just feeling shy, based on the way i interacted w my parents till then, and i didnt really have the emotional resources to let my presence be known and lean back and handle whatever would have happend

    and i GOT that after tapping on it and felt COMPASSION for me for the first time ever, like i got where i was coming from and ITS ALL GOOD!

    and since that, i felt a huge relief like after that

    and now i kinda don’t feel that constant left out of stuff feeling… that feeling has just kinda faded away

    like right now im nto really trippin that i dont have plans….

    *shrug*

    it feels different

    like mroe relaxed, just my thoughts arent pulling me to feel bad about that anymore…

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:18pm

  265. 265: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria is so solid on my side!! She jsut cut my toenails for me!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:25pm

  266. 266: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay Siren Song!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:27pm

  267. 267: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the guy i had sex w last is all gettin at me again hehe :) yay!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:33pm

  268. 268: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i like him!

    i feel all shaky an all these triggered feelings connecting with him!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:34pm

  269. 269: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel INCLUDED!!!

    yayyyyy!!!!!!

    joyfulness!!

    Monday, 23 April 2012 @ 11:53pm

  270. 270: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    What a great article! As usually something I really needed to read right now…

    Siren song, I hope you’ve blocked – or at least started ignoring his emails! Yikes! That is way over the top … Even for me. Lol. And I am the queen of over the top :)

    So, my puffy eyelid started going down the moment J stopped writing to me. It’s almost normal now. Yay! My body was definitely trying to tell me something….

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:18am

  271. 271: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm he wants to take me to his houes and i feel excited and i dont want to date a guyh whos still hung up on his ex gf and has his pic up w her… htat feels bad to me … iw ant to feel pursued and special emotionally

    hmm

    i feel all ‘trapped’ now like i haven’t

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:29am

  272. 272: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok i LIKe this dude emotionaly an di THINK he is mostly focused on having a sexual connection with me

    and i want to havea sexual connection with him

    and i dont want to feel distant emotionally and i DO… i feel on guard, unsure suspcious, and closed off that he has that picture of him and another woman up and everything that might ‘mean’

    and i don’t want to date him until i feel safe and loved

    hmmm

    i want to share all this in feeling messages

    i feel surprised to feel ‘stuck!”

    i feel hesitant, closed off, unsafe, excited and thrilled

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:32am

  273. 273: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel mad at him

    he’s like, its an old picture don’t trip k?

    and im like ok thanks for letting me know i do feel a bit better

    andt then after writing that i felt a BIT better but still not good

    and now i feel scared to find myself feeling this way and im jduging myself

    ohhh

    (((Daria)))

    its GREAT that you feel this way

    this can bring yoy closer together

    mm..

    i feel kinda scared of you and closed off toward syou baby.. i feel really ‘into’ you and turned on by you… and i feel terrified! I want to feel safe emotionally and loved and cared for… and im not feelint that way right now… and i dont want to be dating a guy whos still hung up on his ex… i dont really want to date while a man’s rockin w a pic like dat

    i feel insecure

    mmm

    pretty good

    what i want:

    him to take it down and say, Daria, I AM really feelin you. i got kinda scared off last time cuz i didnt’ have my ish together but i really respect and honor you and I want YOU . I want you to feel good with me ALWAYS and feel like the number one

    ok

    dont try to control the outcome

    so i dont want to ‘make’ that happen

    i just wanna say

    baby i still feel kinda closed off and a lil bit scared of being with you…

    i dont feel emotinoally close and i dont want to date while u got that picture up or if u still got feelings for your ex

    (but i got feelings for other dudes… so what we’re diff. man. woman. i want to feel special)

    i can do this!

    keep practicing Daria

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:38am

  274. 274: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    tap tap… ok so they said when i have sex, im ‘giving something up’ ot the man

    and its nto true!

    he’s giving ME something actually… liek worship

    and i want to feel good with this

    i dont feel sure with this man

    im feeling kidna insecure

    hmmm

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:50am

  275. 275: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels kinda rushed… im feeling offbalance

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:50am

  276. 276: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay! my longdistance papi that ‘rubberbanded’ after na intense discussion where he said he is def planning to see me in the next 2 months now reappeared and is like ive been busy starting this company heheh

    yay !! i feel so loveed

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:54am

  277. 277: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow im all partly down to go to his house w him

    wait a minute id feel better to get to knwo him again slowly, if he wants to take me out that would fele nice… but i dont feel comfortable going to his house yet …

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 1:50am

  278. 278: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    is it bad to want to get attention for my butt??? :/

    what if i didnt have a butt?

    but i judge myself

    i just adore it

    ugh

    this feels horrible

    i feel like a butt whore

    hmmm

    is that bad?

    what feels bad?

    mmm

    i feel good

    feeling good feels bad

    yes! when its for your butt!

    you dont just go show your butt off in public

    its pornographic

    and yes that is bad

    bad
    ba
    bad bad bad

    bad bad
    bad

    im a bad

    mba f

    ugh ugh ugh ugh

    yeah

    mickeal jackson

    ok

    so my trhills of f being bad

    by posting suggestibely awesome beautiful pictures of my butt on th e internet

    even tho im fully clothed

    i still look kinda danaked

    and is that abd??

    THEY SAID IT WAS BAD FUCHKIN BAD FUCHK FUCHKIN WAT

    UGH

    SOO MAD

    rrrfffff

    i am a BITCH

    HEHEHEHEHE

    I LOVE IT

    RRRRRGGHHHHHH

    FEMALE WOLF

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:20am

  279. 279: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ey this is like my own byron katie work!

    woohoo

    Daria work!!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:21am

  280. 280: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    do you do Daria Work? oh yes I do Daria Work.

    I Do DaRika body worshkshops

    daria herbs

    daria meals

    Daria magic

    wooo hoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:22am

  281. 281: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria fengshoi

    Daria kik your man to the curb turn prostitute to happily ever after girl and ima be a player for life

    lol

    that last part really wanted to be included adn i didnt want to deny it/her/him? pac

    like pac is IN Me

    you know i was like Pac is the only man that could be my baby daddy and i wouldnt feel mad. I was thinking. I was like 14 tho.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:23am

  282. 282: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Im sooo higggh… IM high to the sky an im feelin fly

    you guys!!! all thes guys are on me!! about my new soft look.

    I have like 0 gf here.

    Its just me and like a trillion men….

    omg!

    LIFE IS GRRRRREAT!

    :)

    wink wink

    HEHE

    :) :D :)

    JOYYYY

    i feel HAPPY

    I FEEL SAD I DONT HAVEA GF TO SHARE IT WITH

    IS THAT ME BEING BISEXUAL ? WANTINT TO GHAVE A GF TO SHARE STUFF WITH ALWAYS?

    WHAT IF THAT IS BISEXUA: L LIKE FOR EVERYBODY
    WHOA>>?!

    crazy

    so anyways i geuss im really striaght right now girls

    but i love yall!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:26am

  283. 283: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like a lesbian even just talkin to yall…

    like wtf

    im talkn to a bumch of women

    im all butch

    hmmm

    im not like butch but im not like girly

    when i went to jail i didnt shave my legs and i didnt feel like lettin any girls hit on me or nothghing… hmmm

    that wouldve been an opportunity to be gay and i didnt even thin about being gay

    so maybe im not gay

    ok

    do i want to be gay?

    not really.

    ok

    then i dont have to be

    hmm.

    ok.

    yeah.

    im not gay
    .

    shurg.

    fuchk it.

    umffff.

    ok
    .

    so if my kids want to be gay they can be gay
    .

    i think its very important that i open my mind and heart to gay people

    i realized recently its like THE most important human rights issue on Earth… and im like WHOA i didnt realize it was THAT important… now i see it as like important to the whole human species… its like whoa.

    HUGE>

    respect.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:29am

  284. 284: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    would gettin with women be more fun than getting with men?

    mm i mean

    getting with men feels SOOO Excithing!

    it feles like a trip to the starss.. to HOLLYWOOD!!!

    it feels fuchkin OUTTA THIS WORLD!

    ROACKET SHIP SPACESHIP WHOA OMG HE’S BLINGDING ME AND IM FEEILNG AWED AND SOOOOOOO

    FEELIN IT

    LIKE YEAH!1

    THIS IS LIFE!! FOR REAL!

    HELL YEAH!!

    THIS IS WHAT IS UP!!!!

    hmmm

    i liek this poem to men lol

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:34am

  285. 285: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    Yes, it would feel awful to me too.

    I hope no-one e-mails my guy and I feel so sad that a Siren would violate our privacy like that.

    And annoyed that someone can be so short sighted not to realise that what we do here actually HELPS our relationships and our men tremndously. And that sometimes we just need to vent.

    I think you are being very gracious about this and I hope it all ends up sorting out somehow for you and your man.

    xoxoxox

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:35am

  286. 286: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t seen R for two months. We have been texting in a friendly way lately, almost every night, sometimes for 1 to 3 hours at a time.

    On Sunday, I was in his town, which is now an hour away from home, and I was really missing him after not seeing him for so long. I realize I shouldn’t have contacted him, but my feeling of missing him was so strong that I texted him.

    I said, “I miss you. Can I see you today while I am in town?”

    He said he had plans that afternoon. I felt frustrated that he didn’t say how about Sunday evening, but I let it drop. Then no texting Sunday night or tonight, after texting almost every night.

    So finally I texted him. I feel super vulnerable posting this, so please take it easy on me. I am posting it cuz I feel confused about when to use feeling messages and when to just swallow my feelings.

    B: I feel like I’m being punished.

    R: What do you mean?

    B: I told you I missed you on Sunday. I feel like I’m being punished for that.

    R: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

    B: What do you mean?

    R: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

    B: It is very difficult for me to voice something like that. When I make myself vulnerable and tell you I miss you, and then I feel ignored, it leaves me feeling neglected.

    R: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

    B: When I get the broken record, what I hear is “I don’t give a shit.”

    R: At this point I have little tolerance for your drama and bullshit.

    B: That feels really bad to hear. I like to think that my friend cares about my feelings. That’s cold.

    R: I think you try to treat me like I am your boyfriend and obviously I am not.

    B: No, I tried to treat you like a caring friend…who I haven’t seen for two months. I would have said the same to any of my girlfriends. And they would have said, “Yeah, I miss you too. Let’s get together.”

    B: What you call drama, I call open, honest communication. I feel heavy hearted.

    B: Every time I think I am getting my friend back, I am reminded that the demons have extracted your heart.

    B: There is no other friend in my life that would respond so coldly to being told they are missed. Excuse me for caring.

    B: I feel so much pain.

    R: Why do you feel so much pain?

    B: I’m trying to be open and honest, and I was hoping that it would be met with compassion and kindness. Instead I feel like I’m hitting a cold wall. I am a sensitive person. I don’t want to feel that way with you.

    R: Well you start by saying I feel like I’m being punished and it’s the old bullshit again.

    R: I don’t punish people.

    B: Well, obviously I have the wrong approach. I’m just a girl here, and I am doing my best to communicate, and to be a friend. This is what I mean when I say I don’t know how to relate to you.

    R: Oh ok

    B: So can we have a fresh start again?

    R: What do you mean?

    B: Friends, peace treaty, fresh clean slate, talk about something else?

    R: What do you want to talk about?

    From here, we had a brief, perhaps tense, conversation that felt okay. If I had just texted, “Hey”, it probably would have been a friendly conversation. Was this not what Rori intends?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:35am

  287. 287: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    if i put this poem on the site as my status the guys are gonna jump all over it i bet :) they jump over EVERYTHING I SAY!

    im like : i lost my phone

    they’re like “omg sweetie, i hate when that happens…”

    LOL!

    IT FEELS SOOO FUN!

    I FEEL LIKE THE BELLEO F THE BALL

    one of the prettiest women in the “virtual” room

    lol!

    yay!

    my dream come true!

    im pretty im pretty

    guys are going for me

    and its ok to enjoy it

    its ok if i looke exhuberant

    its ok if i likoke al l this bad stuff looking exhuberant

    wild anmimal unsexyh crash dummy ugly etc

    blah blah !

    yes

    im all that and im feeling exhuberant and im feeling so goood

    and men are ON ME THEY ARE ON ME THEY ARE ON ME THEY ARE ON ME!!!!!

    ohhhhh it feels so gooddddd!!!

    its what i alwasy wanted!!!!!!

    wwoooooohhhhhh

    EVEN THE ONES I HAVE SEX WITH AND LIKE ARE ON ME!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:39am

  288. 288: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    NO theyre NOT!!!!

    YES< TEHY KINDA ARE!!!!!

    BIT*CH!!!

    YOURE A BIT*CH!!!!!

    BI((CH

    BIT(CHH

    FUCH(K YPU B(ITHCH

    FUCH OU! BIT)CH

    NO HYOU BIT(CH

    UGH

    BOOORING

    /NOW I FEEL BORED

    ACTUALLY I FEEL NUBM CUZ I JUST GOT HIT AND AM PROBABLY IN A FIGHT

    I LVOE ME

    IM SUCH A GOOD FIGHTER

    THEY REALLY SHOULDNT MESS WT ME

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:42am

  289. 289: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I JUST REALISZEd im a VERY INTENSE THIRLLING KINDA GIRL !! ARENT I!

    LOOK AT THE CRAZY WAY I WRITE!!!

    I AM!! INTENSE! ! AND THRiLLING!! ALL THAT STUFF I LOOK FOR OUTSIDE OF ME!!

    WOW!!!!

    GO MEE!

    GO MEE!!

    WWOOO

    GET YOUR PUSSY WET!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:44am

  290. 290: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    MI SOO HYFY!! !IM FROM THE BAY MAYNE HIGH AS S AHURRICANE I SWEEP DOWN AND EAT EM OFF THE PLAIN LIKE GTHE PLATE CLEAN SWEEP DOLLAR BILLS IN LIKE IM A VACUUM CLEAN RE

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:46am

  291. 291: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh! I bet the men would like that too

    its ok to show this to them

    i feel embarasased

    i feel embarassed that im TRYING

    to look attractive

    when i WANT to feel good about doing things to look attractve

    like grooming

    and MY ART IS TOO!

    love to me

    feeling angry

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:48am

  292. 292: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove,

    Hey.

    Hugs.

    I think Rori intends for us not to be friends with men we have feelings for.

    xoxox

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:53am

  293. 293: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, Daria, Daria,

    You ARE the Belle of the Ball! I am glad you are getting so much attention.

    Will you please bestow a bit of attention on my #281? It wasn’t perfect, but I thot I was using feeling messages, and it didn’t go over too big. I feel confused about how to communicate. Can you please help?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:55am

  294. 294: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    MI SOO HYFY!! !IM FROM THE BAY MAYNE HIGH AS S AHURRICANE I SWEEP DOWN AND EAT EM OFF THE PLAIN LIKE GTHE PLATE CLEAN SWEEP DOLLAR BILLS IN LIKE IM A VACUUM CLEAN RE

    MAchine , move mean move spleen move hips and move him him and him and thats his friend and im his friend and i dont knwo how we all got in HERE here is everywhere and everywhere is past here where we been and we never been more than friends so friends we are till the end yaddamimean?

    let it be seen let it be seen my walk is mean i mean real meen i mean it will bite you straight out yoru sleep like naw that bit*ch didnt walk like she was so elegant like the erath is my turf bit(ch leme see that again

    i get a certain pleasure out ‘outsmarting’ guys or is it just feeling extremely powerful with men

    and they said that is bad

    BUT ITS NOOIT! and im bout to bounce that out right now…

    *does DARIA BELIEF WORK*

    ~~~~***~~~~~
    ~~~~***~~~~~

    that was deep yall!

    ogm

    i was tryna “own” pwople liek enslave em to me!

    like ohhh everyone has to buy from me it has to have my name and they have to stare at me and know its from me and

    BOW DOWN TO GTHE GREATNESS FO ME

    like im aamzing and i felt all clingy and stuff

    and i AM amazing right?

    anyway

    yeah i felt like, oh THEAY HAVE TO RESPECT ME!!!!

    when acturall, no they dont!

    I am the one who can respect me or respect others

    i was like not even there with me!!

    now i am and i choose to respect me

    and respect others

    and im pretty damn awesome

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:57am

  295. 295: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ella,

    RE: #287 – Good point. but I don’t see that changing. I feel so disappointed with men! I had a pool of about 15 who emailed me the other day. They have all but dropped off now.

    I had a date yesterday and it was a total flop. They all want sex. No sex? No interest.

    There’s got to be more than that.

    So I keep gravitating back to R.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:57am

  296. 296: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im like Dexter the nerd at his computer

    my rolemodesl are men

    hehe

    ore they were

    now my rolemodels are me

    and my manifestations

    and i love me

    and it feels WHINY

    right now

    like no im not good enopugh

    my right arm doesnt want to do computer anymore

    my right arm is hurt from compuyering i want to heal her

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:00am

  297. 297: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm typing w only my left

    i can strengthen and heal my arm
    i feel scared

    its ok its healing love to me

    this feels challenging

    in my tummy too

    yum

    actually

    this feels cool

    im feeling twitchy

    yay healing

    im not used to my right arm resting

    what if this isa good thing ?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:04am

  298. 298: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my pussy feels closed to that guy…

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:08am

  299. 299: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ive been habitually mistreating the right side of my body…

    it can take it… its strong,,,

    poor body

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:10am

  300. 300: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am committed to learning to write witthout tensing my body…

    mmm my right RM aint wriyin shi*t… it do not wama move… mabe im in a diff state o f thinkin rite now..

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:21am

  301. 301: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #281 Radlove

    I am putting myself in R’s shoes here, OK I know I’m not a man but this is how “I” felt.

    Like I am being blamed for something I have no knowledge of, like there is too much drama and too many negative emotions.

    Remember that Rori thing about holding a man by the lapels, tight, tight, tight and never letting him go and throwing him in your cage?

    That’s how I felt reading your post.

    What happened to your soft, warm, sandy beach vibe?

    Aren’t we supposed to be sharing joyful feelings as well as the sad heavy feelings? I don’t see any sunshine or laughter in your conversation Rad, just a lot of negative vibes…….

    Re the punishment talk, would you REALLY say that to a girlfriend or a casual guy friend? Or would you shrug your shoulders and say “OK we’ll catch up next time I’m in your town. No big deal.”

    Rad, I so know what you mean about the guys who poof and flake I cannot even get a date at the moment so you are doing way better than me even if it was a flop…………

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:55am

  302. 302: BrandyNo Gravatar says:

    omgosh I could have written this post myself. This is EXACTLY what I am like, lol. I have just discovered Rori’s ideas and techniques and it has felt amazing me to explore all of this. Circular Dating as a Modern Siren (even though I barely know what I’m doing) has been so successful that I have a new problem. I JUST started CD and I now have TOO many men around! I am in the middle of doing the “Have the Relationship you Want” workbook and watching “Modern Siren” – I’m not even done with them. But what is the “right” way to say no to men I don’t want 2nd or 3rd dates with?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 4:18am

  303. 303: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Well…
    I feel like I’m in a power struggle with my online-guy, NewZealandCD.
    He is online and me too. And it seems he won’t just talk to me because he’s testing if I would do it first. I initiated few times as he was being offended I never do, and said like I wouldn’t care at all. And now it seems he’s expecting me to start every time?!

    He says he’s so happy to talk to me every time. But now it’s already 3rd day and n-th time him being online same time and not saying a thing. I don’t know what to do. And it’s making me feel sad and powerless. And next time he’ll talk to me i´d probably feel bitter & resentful.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 4:37am

  304. 304: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    and just right now..after me writing this…he starts to talk to me. But I feel so awkward. :(

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 4:52am

  305. 305: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Radlove…. that was too much. I agree with Silver Moonbeam. He is not responsible for your feelings. Maybe he had other plans, maybe he didn’t want to see you, maybe he didn’t think it was a good idea because you’ve been down that road so many times before. But he didn’t say he never wanted to see you again or ignore your texts.

    People disappoint us, but we can’t expect them to save us from our feelings or have those expectations. You leaned forward, he said no. Yes it stings and hurts…. but if I were him, I’d be really tired of being asked for fresh shart.

    I feel you punish yourself, not that he’s punishing you. You leaned forward, and then blamed him for your lonliness, and made him responsible for your feelings.

    I hope you find a way to break this cycle.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:12am

  306. 306: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove,

    I think you should walk away from him completely. I don’t believe he’s ever going to give you what you want, especially with you giving anything to the relationship. He knows, without a doubt, how you feel about him. If he is ever ready and wants that relationship too, he’ll find you.

    I’m sorry, know this isn’t what you want to hear…. I just hate to see you keeping going back to this position.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:16am

  307. 307: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Moonbeam,

    RE: #296 – Gulp, thank you (hard to swallow, but I receive that).

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:25am

  308. 308: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    FW @226

    Interesting, thank you for your reply.

    And I really hope your finger heals as best as it can.

    Feels like it’s on its way to getting there.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:32am

  309. 309: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Radlove)))

    So you have stumbled a bit.

    So what?

    You know what to do to get back in the saddle now.

    I say ride on, sister!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:36am

  310. 310: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    RE: #299-300 – Thank you. In 299, I see now what you say is true. I don’t understand myself why all that doesn’t seem obvious in the moment.

    I guess it means I’m still broken inside. That feels frustrating after how hard I’ve tried to heal all that garbage.

    Any damage control? Just another setback I have to accept I guess, and it was going so well.

    No, I’m not going to walk away. Can’t do it.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:40am

  311. 311: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca,

    RE: #303 – Thanks, should I say anything to him for damage control?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:49am

  312. 312: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    so, so-called friend iniated contact with me last night, which felt good. like she cared, and wasn’t just using me.

    we talked. she denied everything.

    I feel better because I can tell she values my friendship, but I also feel sad for her.

    she wasn’t completely honest with me.

    as someone who used to lie all the time, I could tell that she was telling partial truths and justifying.

    It made me feel sad, because I used to be that way, and it was exhausting, not being honest with myself first and foremost, and then justifying my dishonesty to others.

    so, we’re still friends, but I am only going to be as honest with her as she is with me. I’m not going to lie to her, obviously, but I just don’t feel safe sharing everything with her anymore.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:56am

  313. 313: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #301 Radlove

    Said with much love BTW.

    {{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:56am

  314. 314: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Rad,

    I personally wouldn’t try to re-initiate contact at this point.

    Maybe give it some time.

    I know it’s hard but I don’t believe that there’s anything you could do right now to “fix” things, even though you didn’t do anything wrong per se.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:58am

  315. 315: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Moonbeam, Turquoise, and Francesca,

    Yes, thank you, I feel the love. I appreciate you being gentle with me. this thing has gotten so sensitive. I can’t live with him, and I can’t live without him.

    I’m still in love with him, but I know he’s not good for me.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:59am

  316. 316: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, how about trying to get back to where you were a warm, soft, sandy beach, you were doing so well then, this is just a blip and like Turq says at least he is still texting you, so work on that great vibe you had a while ago……….

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:00am

  317. 317: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    reading how emotionally moved I was yesterday feels really curious.

    I feel detached looking back at my responses when I was in the soup of emotions yesterday.

    It feels fascinating to look back at them once I’ve moved past them.

    I love reading the spam of triggered Sirens. It’s beautiful. You can see all their pain and frustrations and messiness and beauty and healing.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:02am

  318. 318: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    and Starla, I just wanted to tell you that I feel so inspired by you taking such good care of yourself. I feel moved to take better care of myself, starting with cleaning my messy car, room, and bathroom.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:04am

  319. 319: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Moonbeam,

    310 – Yes, I will. I thot I was there. I mean heck, I haven’t seen him for two months. That’s a long time. We had been connecting very nicely by text almost nightly. In the moment, it just didn’t seem out of order to ask to see him after so long.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:05am

  320. 320: lkNo Gravatar says:

    am i the only person who thinks television is really appalling ?

    like…… idk. i don’t watch that much stuff & usually i watch like…. old beavis & butthead or something. or gilmore girls. not saying i have great taste. just saying, i’m not “up” on today’s hip hit shows….

    i watched an episode of “Wexds” last night… ok, it was funny. lol. ok. but ! what the eff is going on with randomly having a nxked 19 year old girl on there bxnging out with a random person we just watched her meet that same day ?

    NO SLXT SHAMING – that’s not what i’m saying either. i’m saying, that 19 yo just “chose” to put her fully nude body on television/media FOREVER. & then the next episode i watched, mary louise parker’s character also has random nude sex with someone she meets the same day.

    i just don’t want to watch “sex” when it’s just Nudity — TOTALLY RANDOMLY unrelated to the plot. this is partly because i feel the women are pressured to get nxked in order to “sell” the show (which makes me feel sick to my stomach) & also there is pressure to get nxked, like, well who do you think you’re going to be if you aren’t bxllsy enough to get nxked ?

    anywayz. rant over.

    actually, while i was typing this, CD came over to me on the couch & started talking about how i asked about the show & he is telling me how he thinks it’s disgusting & appalling & i love him. ok breathing. i’m fine lol. jeez.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:10am

  321. 321: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca,

    RE: #308 – Thanks. What bothers me is as hard as I have worked on myself, and on this particular relationship, I STILL have this needy vibe. I want to heal that, and I just don’t know how.

    I guess it is normal to feel sad and lonely when I am alone. My attempts at dating are just pathetic.

    I did have one little ray this morning. Last year in June, I had one single date with a man who was downright rich. I liked him, not really knowing him after just one date, but he seemed like someone I’d like to get to know better.

    I thought yesterday he blew me off, but this morning he texted me good morning. So looks like I will get a second date with him, nearly a year later!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:10am

  322. 322: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, if I were you, I might say something like “oh, I feel so embarassed about texting you the other night. I was feeling lonely and took it out on you. I’m sorry.” just make sure whatever you say is authentic and what you’re really feeling.

    silence would work fine as well. he might like some breathing room.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:11am

  323. 323: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so curious about my life. I feel needy to forgive myself. I feel guilty about my past. I feel guilty about not using my money or time or my talents and pouring them into activities and things of value.

    I feel guilty about how starved for love I was, and for how much I gave up for loving other people, without loving myself.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:20am

  324. 324: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    haha, another sh*t morning with CF on the brain. But I expected it when I went to bed last night, and I was feeling so good and detached from everything that I reminded myself to have perspective in the morning, and even if I feel like sh*t about him, I can trust that I’ll feel better in a while and stay on my horse.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:21am

  325. 325: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    It’s not my fault that I was love-starved.
    maybe not getting love early on set up a pattern for me not giving love to myself later on.
    I choose to feel love for myself.
    I choose to continuously forgive myself, even if it takes a long time because of years of self-hatred.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:23am

  326. 326: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lama, you’d be surprised how quickly sending yourself love and forgiveness as much as you can possible remember will “un-do” even years and years of “damage”

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:28am

  327. 327: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I want to feel happy. I have plenty to feel happy about. I feel thankful for the beautiful warm/cool perfect spring weather. I feel thankful for my sister, my one girlfriend who I know will always be in my life. I feel thankful for frozen blueberries. I feel thankful for water. I feel thankful for three-year-olds. I feel thankful for the blog. I feel thankful for a new job opportunity. I feel thankful for people who tell me they love me. I feel so thankful for people who tell me they love me.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:37am

  328. 328: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @320 ((((Starla)))) – Thanks, sweet girl. Reading what you wrote today reminded me of how hard it was to wake up in the mornings when I was heart-broken.

    I can’t believe how much I miss feeling that sadness. It felt good to have men respond to my sadness.

    It feels more difficult to feel deeply lately.

    I feel sad that feeling my feelings feels more like practicing a game than experiencing life.

    I am feeling a bit depressed at the moment.
    Depressed feels numb.
    Depressed feels unsure.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:43am

  329. 329: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    It would feel good to get a haircut, buy a new warddrobe, and reinvent myself, but I really don’t have the money right now. Instead, I will focus on re-inventing my insides. I will focus on re-inventing my attitudes about life.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:47am

  330. 330: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Daria I fall in love with you more and more everyday. I feel my healing through your processing. Thanks.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:57am

  331. 331: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    :) I am surrounded by such lovely fortune and abundance. Health, beauty, and peace are always with in my reach. How lucky is that?!?!!? :D

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:02am

  332. 332: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    RE: #316 – Thank you, I think I will feel more peace of mind if I text that.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:04am

  333. 333: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    On the Today Show, the just showed a clip from a movie, “Think Like a Man”. A man pulled up in a car to pick up a woman, saying, “It’s open.”

    She said, “I don’t go on dates with a man who doesn’t open the door for me.”

    He said, “Seriously??”

    “Yeah.” He took off with the car, but then he stopped and backed up to her again.

    That is how I feel with men about sex. It is like I am saying, “I don’t go on dates with a man who expects sex.”

    Most men just take off. It wasn’t like this in the past! It’s like sex has become recreation, and as expected on a date as a kiss or hand holding. Sex is not that casual to me. It is sacred, and it is personal, and it is giving of my complete self. I don’t want to open my energy to every man who says hello.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:08am

  334. 334: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I’m starting to get nervous about my trip with GM. He has been really quite the last two weeks and I can’t help but wonder if he is regretting his decision to ask me on this trip. I know I am just projecting . . . ugh.

    I want to be calm and cool and fun and flirty – not all tied up in knots . . .

    It has been so nice having this trip to look forward to and imagining what it might be like for us to be at the beach together, but now that it is closer to actually happening, I’m starting to regret that it will be over soon and worry that it won’t be wonderful or even a good experience. ugh . . .

    Make it stop!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:08am

  335. 335: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, #304:

    I have been reading the blog off and on since January ’11, and I’ve read a lot of the archived posts, so I’m a little familiar with your situation with R.

    But I feel triggered, like a sudden heaviness in my gut, and it says:

    Can’t, or won’t, walk away?

    I, too, feel you punishing yourself. How does being friends with R serve you? Is it helping you grow, or just keeping you in place?

    I’ve had to ask myself that question in the weeks since PriestCD dumped me and I felt hopeful for a friendship to continue. I feel sad about that hope dying, but being friends with him isn’t good for me. Even hoping keeps my energy stuck in the past instead of fully engaged with the present, and that doesn’t feel good.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:10am

  336. 336: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RadLove I have the needy vibe at times too. Sometimes I notice it and laugh at myself. Sometimes I lean forward because masculine strength feels really comforting to me.

    All men deep down are good guys. I have acceped that. Rather than blaming him, how about asking if he is available to offer help in those times. If he is not, express the vulnerable feelings while accepting no? Could that be a mix of surrender speech and leaning back?

    He referred to your pattern that he is not experiencing you as different, after two months.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:14am

  337. 337: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    RE: #317 – “Life is not a having and a resting, but a growing and a becoming.”

    That saying has liberated me a lot when I feel guilty about where I am at in my life or how I have spent my time and energy. I am at a place where I am not only allowing myself to slow down the pace of life, but trying to make a point to slow down.

    This is how I romance myself. I find when I slow down activities of daily living, they become beautiful and meaningful.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:15am

  338. 338: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @327 Radlove – I was reading some stuff written for men about picking up women. It was pointing out that when men treat women well by taking them to fancy restaurants and being gentlemen, the women lose interest, because they assume that men who treat them that well are pushovers and not strong.

    The men who don’t try as hard, but who make the women feel excited by doing the unexpected by showing just enough interest but not too much interest are the ones who win. it then recommends “bedding” the woman as quickly as possible, because that is what bonds a woman to a man.

    These kind of techniques feel so sad to me. It feels so sad how desperate we all are for love, and how none of us know how to give and receive it.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:16am

  339. 339: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    RE: #319 – You said, “It’s not my fault that I was love-starved.
    maybe not getting love early on set up a pattern for me not giving love to myself later on.
    I choose to feel love for myself.
    I choose to continuously forgive myself, even if it takes a long time because of years of self-hatred.”

    This is beautiful. It totally resonates with me.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:19am

  340. 340: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    I borrowed some of what you said and made it my own, turning it into two long text messages to Ryan just now for damage control:

    B: It is not my fault that I was love starved. Maybe not getting enough love early on set up an unhealthy pattern later on. I am doing my best to heal this. I choose to feel love for myself. I choose to continually forgive myself, even if it takes a long time because of years of emotional neglect.

    B: I don’t intend to turn you off. I am comparable to an actress on the set with little experience. I am clumsy, and I often feel confused. And sometimes I just don’t understand what I am supposed to say and do, unless someone explains it to me and works with me.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:40am

  341. 341: lkNo Gravatar says:

    but, more importantly, i think, CD said, ” i can get worked up about a lot of things, & i’m just not going to get worked up over a television show ”

    ok. i can dig that.

    picturing my world all gentle & relaxed….. yummy : )

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:45am

  342. 342: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion,

    RE: #329 – thanks for your feedback. I agree, I won’t. But being friends with R serves me in a lot of ways. He is one of my closest friends. I mean, I don’t always post everything. If you had seen the rich text conversations we’ve shared in recent weeks, you would see a very fulfilling friendship.

    Every time I try to date, I end up scampering back to him, because he was the most fulfilling relationship I have ever had, even tho there is a lot to be desired.

    I need my baby steps. I am not at the place that a lot of the women here are at. I feel safe with him, even tho he is not totally safe.

    How I long to feel protected as I date. I can’t go to him for that, but it would feel good if I could. I just feel so, so vulnerable dating, like walking out of my house naked. I hate it!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:46am

  343. 343: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Daria)))) i like to draw with my left hand & right hand at the same time & let my right hand try to “teach” my left hand how to hold my tools…. awww they look so sweet together….. (((hands)))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:49am

  344. 344: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    RE: #330 – Thank you, I really like that about asking him if he is available to help in those moment when I feel needy and/or vulnerable.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:49am

  345. 345: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    RE: #332 – I am totally with you there.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:53am

  346. 346: lkNo Gravatar says:

    starla…. you are so cool… i feel more inspired by you every day : )))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:15am

  347. 347: lkNo Gravatar says:

    except more than “Cool” — like, warm, vibrant, rooted, powerful, expanding

    : )))))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:16am

  348. 348: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks, lk:)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:22am

  349. 349: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel discouraged by the commute to work today…i noticed the only guys i feel attracted to are covered in tattoos and trouble. or too young for me!

    and the nice looking guys look like p*ssies or like they wouldn’t be able to handle or understand me in a billion years.

    and i noticed i feel like a kid a lot, and that any guy over 30 or so looks like a dad to me, and not a potential partner.

    i hope this is just a phase

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:24am

  350. 350: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    and i feel in a hurry to meet mr right and get married and all that. like time is ticking away! eeeep!!

    i want to be okay with being totally single…but i don’t know how. i’ve not been fully, truly single but for a few months in my adult life.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:32am

  351. 351: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I suppose this is too many texts in a row, but I just added these to the ones I already sent to R:

    B: Sometimes I feel more needy and vulnerable than others. Do you think at those times I could just ask you if you are available to help rather than putting pressure on you?

    B: When someone has schizophrenia, I suppose the natural reaction is to reject them, right?

    B: When someone has loneliness and limited emotional intelligence, I suppose the natural reaction is to reject them, right?

    B: Can we work with each other?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:45am

  352. 352: lkNo Gravatar says:

    the Man set up a meeting with me for a morning time next week……. SCARY. i haven’t responded to his email yet…. i feel all this desire to Over-Function… like, offer to send my documents (even though he asked me to bring them to the meeting) or want to like…. or like strategize to be able to email to casually confirm because i feel afraid of being forgotten….. like i’m not important enough to write down on an agenda…..

    hush little NVs : ) we don’t need you right now, but thank you for your input : )

    to practice, i set up another meeting a couple days before with another man in a similar field who can consult with me in a different way, but who i can practice my Passion Messages & also mentally organize & connect my different visions & experiences…..

    ooh i’m excited to get some wind behind my sails : )))) now…. focus on getting my boat “sea-worthy” …… keep an eye on the “weather” ……. wait to push out !

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:47am

  353. 353: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    LK,

    Your way of expressing yourself delights me over and over!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:54am

  354. 354: lkNo Gravatar says:

    yesterday… i forget what we were talking about… natural bone structures ? natural “meat-y-ness” or something ? & i was saying, oh i’m pretty small, but not so small & he was saying, i think if you lost weight, you’d be skin & bones & very very tiny.

    well…. that idea scares me. imagining myself “skin & bones” scares me. & i don’t want any man i love to want me to be skin & bones — & i said, “i feel thin now” & i could see a thought catch in his mind for a moment, like he maybe wanted to contradict me, but then he said, “gain weight if you want to, baby – i’m sure you gain it in all the right places” & i felt honestly really freaked out… like i felt that i was being told to lose weight. & that is so…. well, it’s “cr8zy” lol. but i just sat with it, because i know that he really meant gain weight if i want & if there was any impulse to “contradict” it would have been some silly Masculine-Logic comment about 3rd-world/starvation/etc. lol….

    so then a minute later, after i practiced breathing in my mantra

    i love myself; i respect you
    i honor myself; i trust you

    & he came & kissed me really gently a hundred times & put his hands gently on my body & i felt so accepted & loved. & i knew that was his intention — even when i was “hearing” something else before.

    i’m loving my new mantra : )

    i’m also loving my new decision to Stop “anger” & also “self-criticism” — or… don’t act from those places, just listen to them & then love into it, & then go from there. i notice some things are “slower” than others for me to Stop — or, rather, they are very fast-paced, high-trajectory “Forces” in my psyche…

    ooh & i was able to “let go” of so many things yesterday….. just inconsequential things that would make my paranoid self be like, “oh ! does that maybe sort of signal the tiniest worn thread hanging limply off the ripped seam of a dusty red flag ? ” LOL shut up lk !!!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:12am

  355. 355: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((Radlove))) thank you : ) nice to “see” you lol, i was missing you the other day : )

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:14am

  356. 356: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, if anyone cares to comment on this, I welcome your feedback. I ran this stuff by a close friend of mine, someone who has known me for 22 years:

    I think you have toxic fingers…….You moved from bad to worse with these latest things you texted R. It is like you are making a list of all the reasons why he should not have any kind of relationship with you. As he would say, it sounds ‘whack’. It screams, ‘I have no self esteem and fractured relationship skills'; and it also suggests that someone so ‘love starved and vulnerable’ will act on impulse anywhere, anytime, with anyone, so really is someone he cannot trust or rely on. And, on top of that, you are apologetic; and the way this comes off is that it makes you sound very weak. He needs the opposite things in any kind of relationship with anyone, especially a woman. He needs solace from the things that torment him; not being pinned, and tormented some more for really nothing at all. Remember that he has trouble processing other people’s emotions, reactions; as well as his own internal stuff, combined with making emotional responses to others he is dealing with. You are so capable of so much more than this kind of thing. If you wanted to apologize you should have tried something like:

    ‘R, I am sorry that I made you feel responsible for my downer of a mood and my hurt feelings. Please forgive me; it is not your fault in any way. It won’t happen again, I do not want to hurt or anger you, or to destroy our friendship; and I know this could happen.’

    Did I blow it all over again by texting what I did?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:20am

  357. 357: lkNo Gravatar says:

    LOL i can just imagine what he wanted to say… ” actually, LK, i bet you have so much gunk built up in your large intestine… if you got your colon water-blasted, you’d lose at least 5 pounds in stagnated fecal matter” THANKS FOR THE TIP, BUDDY ! lol & then he’d be like, “plus, we eat way more processed foods than we should & if we ate the amount of greens we should, i bet you’d lose another 10 lbs…. ghandi only weighed 103″ lol & then he’d start telling me about his Wilderness friends with Clean Diets who could fertilize their growing soil with their own waste ! miracles of modern-day humanity ! cultural anomalies ! LOL but that is why i love him… : )

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:21am

  358. 358: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I am trying to be forgiving of myself, as Iamabutterfly was talking about. But I just feel so frustrated, like when will i ever get good at deep relationships.

    Most people tell me I’m very natural and have good etiquette with people. But they don’t see me when my insecurities come to the surface.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:22am

  359. 359: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    “Did I blow it all over again by texting what I did?”

    I think you know the answer already, Rad.

    However, I do not think all is lost but you have got to stop texting him now!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:28am

  360. 360: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    You have an opportunity to put him on the back of your horse now with that date you’re going to have.

    Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to try and see if something could come up of that meeting?

    That CD came back to you, I hope you will meet him.

    Perhaps give yourself another chance?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:30am

  361. 361: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RadLove I also believe that “deep” relationship might be part of your self sabotage. Some people prefer easy breezy over deep. Sometimes when you write it I feel a stranglehold choke around my neck like being pulled underwater. The frustration reads like trying too hard. I kinda agree with some of what your friend sad but my insides said “just change the words you use to describe yourself” like having fractured relational skills. Words are powerful and when we change what we say about ourselves it will change people’s perception of us and how they see us.

    “I am a whole human being”.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:37am

  362. 362: lkNo Gravatar says:

    wow, femininewoman… that is so beautiful to read & i feel your power from here…. amazing

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:40am

  363. 363: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    LK (351), you crack me up :-)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:44am

  364. 364: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    The universe doesn’t respond to who you are.

    It responds to who you think you are.

    Think the best~

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:46am

  365. 365: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Radlove. Sorry you are struggling with R again. Hugs!

    A couple thoughts for you (with much LOVE) ….

    You wrote: “I feel confused about when to use feeling messages and when to just swallow my feelings.”

    NEVER swallow your feelings!

    FEEL your feelings. ALWAYS.

    And then CHOOSE which ones to share with a man, using non-blaming feeling messages.

    Our feelings are OURS. We feel them; we own them.

    I know sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between sharing a feeling, sharing a thought, and sharing blame. Maybe as a rule of thumb for now, you could avoid using any “feelings” that end with “-ed.”

    When they end with “-ed” they are usually not really feelings. So, “punished,” “blamed,” etc. would go.

    Find out what your EMOTIONS are underneath the THOUGHT, the story, that you are being punished or blamed:

    Do you feel sad, angry, helpless, frustrated?

    If you want to share your feelings with a man, share THAT feeling, the real one underneath, instead of what you think he’s “doing” to you disguised as a FM.

    (And remember, he’s not responsible for the fact that you feel that way!)

    Lastly, I have noticed a recurring theme that you “feel punished.” I know that you think he may actually be purposely punishing you — yet that is “getting in his business.”

    And it might not even be true!

    What’s surely true is that for some reason YOU get the thought that you are being punished… and I wonder if that is a trigger inside you from childhood.

    Even if someone is punishing you, why are you attracting that into your life? To HEAL it.

    When you heal it, it will stop being a part of your life, whether real or perceived.

    I have been experimenting with turning thoughts around for myself so that I don’t have thoughts that anyone is “doing” anything to me. So if I perceive that someone is blaming or judging me, I am practicing telling myself that they are NOT doing that (because maybe they aren’t!)

    Even if they are, it doesn’t help me to think it.

    My only job is to feel what I feel, regardless of what the other person is doing. I can only control myself.

    So if I think “This person is blaming me” I practice switching to “Maybe this person is not blaming me, but I feel bad about what they are saying” and then I ask myself “What do I want to do about how I feel?”

    When my parents were here recently, I noticed that my mom sometimes sounds blaming and critical toward my dad (to my ears) — and very similar to “my guy.” And I observed very carefully my dad’s response: again and again he turned to humor and made a joke based on her comment – (and not a hurtful joke — a fun and light-hearted one). I was amazed. I asked him about it eventually, and he said he learned to do that over the years, and that he knows she loves him and doesn’t mean to sound that way.

    I hope some of this helps.

    I love you!!!

    You have come a long way.

    (((Radlove)))

    <3
    Lucy

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:56am

  366. 366: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yay i feel so validated to see someone else say they avoid feeling messages that end in -ed.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:03am

  367. 367: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove- Sweetheart – YOU are punishing YOU in all of this.

    By leaning forward, by not believing what R is telling you (which could change, but you’re banking everything on that it will), by apologizing for who you are (it’s okay to have flaws, we ALL have them, make mistakes, we ALL do it), by then beating yourself up afterwards no matter what you said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do. You just can’t “win” with yourself.

    You really and truly have all the tools at your disposal, and I have seen you use them all, each and every one, successfully.

    As it so happens, I’m writing right now about when old triggers come to call. It will be published this afternoon likely. Look for it. And please feel free to write if you feel the need.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:11am

  368. 368: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I just broke down and texted GM with, “I hope your week is going good! I’m so excited I can hardly stand it!” . . . just to test the waters and see if I could tell why he was being so quiet.

    he took a few minutes, then replied, “Sh_tty start, I hope the rest of the week is better”.

    I said, “We will have BIG fun” and left it at that.

    I hope we have big fun.

    I know for sure I don’t want to pretend we are “Just Friends”. I don’t need a committment from him right now – I don’t want the pressure or the worry – I just need some great sex and some fun and the promise that we can do it again sometime!

    I have needs that are not being met right now . . .

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:13am

  369. 369: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I feel curious about what exactly is happening on your first dates regarding men wanting sex.

    I have rarely experienced that problem on a first date, so I feel curious why this is happening for you, and what exactly it is that men are saying/doing.

    <3

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:19am

  370. 370: MaryNo Gravatar says:

    I have a question/problem I would like help with: If your guy says he is trying to stay more focused and use his time better, and he mentions certain specific things that he wants to stop wasting time on, and then you see him keep going back to those things he said he wanted to stop (and you know he ends up mad at himself and frustrated about not meeting his goals), is there anything the woman who loves him can do to help? Or do we just watch him keep failing at his own goals and keep feeling bad about himself? Thanks! (Mary)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:31am

  371. 371: lkNo Gravatar says:

    dominique, in one of your articles you talk about women becoming “confused” viewing sexual scenes — i do feel “as if” the scene is taking place “to me” & also i suppose then i assume that my man is imagining that he is “perpetrating the action” in the scene. feels sick & cold in my belly. i can hardly bear to be around men who can watch a rxpe scene with their eyes open. actually, i want to hurt them – defensively. i feel angry & vulnerable & “endangered” : (

    i feel curious, outside of trusting my man & respecting him to handle his own Commitment to me (even in his “imagination” lol)…. is there a way i can feel less angry about this ?

    i suppose i do have a Belief that “Nude Women On Television” have a really really low “value” in our culture & i feel angry about that…. like, well you made them do it ! you convinced them that they would be worshiped then like goddesses & instead they just get meme-d into pixelated viral trash & i feel afraid that somehow my own nudity & body is diminished in value by their acts of exposure.

    (((lk))) i feel confused, but also happy & safe in this exploration : )

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:33am

  372. 372: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I think your friend basically nailed it. S/he sounds very insightful. I believe that what you see as total openness and honesty with R comes off to him (and us, to be blunt) as self-loathing, doubt and very far from what a self-loving Siren would think and/or say.

    You are making great progress, but without that GENUINE self-love and confidence developing, the “vibe” will always tell a different story. In my estimation, THAT is what your focus should be on at this point, not a relationship of any kind with R.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:35am

  373. 373: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Curvy Siren, I like your comments to Radlove. Now I am remembering something I heard once that might also be helpful –

    Never say anything about yourself (to others or internally) that you wouldn’t say to your own child.

    <3

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:42am

  374. 374: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies…how is everyone today.

    Gosh, it’s been such a hectic day & I’ve gotten nothing accomplished. I was exhausted before it even started. I haven’t been sleeping the greatest. Just having lunch now, an hour late. Still no word from BoatGuy. I’m feeling very disregarded and disconnected right now. I don’t deserve to be treated like this.

    I keep thinking about what Mr. Observant was asking me and saying to me. My girlfriend said he is a nice guy but has issues and I keep thinking, maybe so, but I have issues and he was pretty direct and could communicate and didn’t run away with his tail between his legs. If he was actually divorced, I would probably consider it. But, then I start thinking, would I consider it because he does have issue and that is what I attract, so apparently, I’m attracted to men with issues and I should probably be running the other way. Probably so, and I will just get myself into a different kind of bad relationship because that’s what I’m good at?

    I don’t know. I’m feeling very mad and hurt about BoatGuy right now and focusing on Mr. Observant helps to take my mind off of it for the moment. I felt good when he was hitting on me. And, those eyes…

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 11:05am

  375. 375: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    (((Radlove)))

    I understand your need to want to express yourself to R in the texts. I have so so been there and I get the same sense of urgency sometimes and want to SAY SOMETHING….and I want to be acknowledged/comforted in return.

    BUT I have learned the hard way that **less** is more….
    If I keep my feeling messages short and non-explainey, men react in really amazing ways….even if it’s negative like “I feel cranky” or something like that.
    Being too “explainey” I’ve reminded myself is a form of control….

    Also some of the things you are expressing about not feeling loved (((sending hugs hugs for that & I love you!!!!!))) I would reserve some of that type of expressing for a counselor or support group…our men sometimes cannot process or support us in that and we may end up feeling let down even tho it’s not his fault if he does not have the knowledge/capacity to know how to respond to us therapeutically…even tho he may actually indeed care for us deeply and feel sad hearing that we feel that way.

    ((hugs)) to both of us as we learn and grow….

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 11:06am

  376. 376: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Also Radlove this article is so appropo for both of us explainey gals! I keep re-reading it and it’s so helpful! ((LOVE to you))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 11:07am

  377. 377: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    lk – I’m not sure if you already understand this and were just musing.

    Men don’t become attached and involved with images like we do. Like you said we can feel it’s happening to us, like we’re right there.

    Men not so much. They have a wonderful way of not so much detaching as compartmentalizing this. And it’s not just a r*pe or other s*x scene that they will not have any problem looking at, eyes wide open. They will look at all kinds of blood and gore too and not bat an eyelash, something many of us would have to close our eyes to until the scene was finished.

    Even if they become physically or mentally aroused or both to a n*aked image of a woman or a s*x scene, there is still NO connection with the image.

    (I will qualify this and say that a single man or a not deeply committed and in love man may imagine touching or having s*x with the image of arousal if he’s in that state or frame of mind, but not a man who loves you and loves having sex with you.)

    So if you can keep these thoughts in mind when this come up for you, it will help. And you can always ask for reassurance if the feelings overwhelm. You’ve been with your man long enough and are close enough to go here.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 11:11am

  378. 378: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique…I feel the relief in your words…I feel safe and reassured and like…of course..no need to worry :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 11:30am

  379. 379: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly – :)

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 11:40am

  380. 380: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @344 Starla

    I wasn’t truly single in my adult life until I was 32 and then I was single for 3 years. It was nice to have that time not having a relationship, although I did still have some drama with ShyGuy.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 11:54am

  381. 381: lkNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique,

    yes…. thank you. i Believe that what you say is true & i have Observed it in cd…. like, he could take it or leave it, but prefers to avoid scenes of sexual violence in general, which i appreciate. & i hear you about how men can sit & watch, without batting a pretty eyelash : )

    hmmm… but still, *I* feel…….. exposed ? violated ? diminished ? de-valued ?

    even just admitting that & honoring that i feel that way feels Loads better : )

    however… i hear all those “feelings” as very blame-oriented.

    i read a lot & i was always “taught in school” that we had done away with those old Systems that “Oppressed Women” – however, now that i am living actively in this culture, without “Parental Guardians” or “Academic Censors” I find myself overwhelmed by the idea that men & women alike are driven further & further down into layers & layers of Oppression.

    i’m thinking of addictions, prohibitions; dissemination of “bad” medical & nutritional “facts”…..

    i love myself & my frustrations & i trust individual humans.

    now i’m picturing Hollywood like a big plaster godzilla & i’m feeling better about “cogs” & how it is not one person’s “Idea” & people are not “trying” to “Do Something”…. & i’m feeling more personally Safe.

    that is the other thing cd mentioned may be a difference between us.

    my parents “prohibited” things… & addressed “Hollywood” issues as “Real Issues” (this mentality was perpetuated in academic settings – “analysis” of film as a sort of social-science exercise)

    his parents allowed everything (or “permitted” – as most “exposure” was due to older siblings)…. but he explained this morning that, although he would not want his own children exposed to the same things, his parents Drilled Into Him the idea that Hollywood is Not Real.

    ooh sorry, dominique : ) lots of rambling typing, but thank you for responding to me earlier. your words feel so healing !

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:00pm

  382. 382: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @359 Lucy , I really liked your comment.

    @Radlove – I can see myself sometimes in your comments. You’re trying too hard to make things right. Just like this posts says. I find I do that too. I’m trying to change that and it’s hard for me too.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:05pm

  383. 383: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    This is a response to something I noticed Daria posted in the last thread – that men are big softies inside.

    They are!

    I think it scares me to know this, and to know how fragile they can be, even when (or especially when) they appear so strong and “masculine” – but that masculinity itself has a soft side. And I am so afraid of hurting them, that I probably do a lot of “wrong” things – including being too afraid of hurting them. They don’t want that. They want to be treated AS IF they are strong and non-vulnerable, even though they HAVE softness and vulnerability.

    But I just find myself so aware of their vulnerability that I think it makes me nervous. I don’t want to hurt them, so I might avoid telling the truth. :(

    That’s so sad, because then I never get to have a relationship… : (

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:12pm

  384. 384: lkNo Gravatar says:

    if i took responsibility for those feelings… instead of blaming “Hollywood” or “the Man”…. how would i describe it ?

    i feel…. as if someone is holding a mirror up in front of me & saying, there – that is what you are – 30 seconds of full-frontal, a little taut skin, pink nxpples, getting fxcked – hope you liked it. NEXT.

    jeeeeeeeez, lk. how intensely yucky. i did not know about that feeling.

    you know my parents ALWAYS used to warn me about taking my shirt off for the camera. seriously. like, “don’t talk to strangers” “don’t swim when there’s lightening” “if someone wants to take your picture, don’t let them convince you to take your shirt off”

    this is so weird. i feel very scared & i’m crying.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:16pm

  385. 385: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I gotta confess, I really did like VM, a LOT. And I know he liked me, a lot. I know we were both really disappointed that it didn’t “work out.” We were both really hoping for “a relationship.” We had the same goals. We had the same desires. We turned each other on. There must be something in there that’s okay. That’s good, even.

    I feel fine on my own, dating and flirting with other people, and I’m okay with it “not working out.” But I miss my big, hunky, VM sometimes. He was a good guy. I just had trouble accepting him for who he was…

    Accepting me for who I am….

    And processing my intense and overwhelming emotions…

    I wanted “help” from him, and he was giving it to me, and I was rejecting him…

    And in the process, I rejected myself and the relationship…

    All because of the idea that I am alone, that nobody loves me or understands me, no one will listen to me, no one can be trusted, and no one will help me or give me what I need.

    Aw. That’s sad :-(

    (((Hugs))) to me.

    I am enough. Just the way I am.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:23pm

  386. 386: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am unsubscribing from all coaches except tinque and rori, oh and katarina phang cuz she’s a HOOT. deleting them from my facebook and email lists.

    i need to simplify my mental and emotional landscape when it comes to this relationship stuff.

    love is easy and effortless!

    and rori and tinque are really the only ones who teach this in any form.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:31pm

  387. 387: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla – who is tinque?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:36pm

  388. 388: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    When an old trigger comes to call.

    Thanks Dominique

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:42pm

  389. 389: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    tinque/Dominique click on her name in her comments

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:43pm

  390. 390: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry sorry, dominique, not tinque

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:44pm

  391. 391: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    starla,

    i did the same thing last week…cleaned house except for rori and dominique. and virginia clark. she’s lovely.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:48pm

  392. 392: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Starla- I know you have mentionec that you dont like male relationship coaches but I find their perspective really helps to see a man’s point of view. I like how Jonathan Aslay communicates to women about the male mind.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:56pm

  393. 393: lkNo Gravatar says:

    I guess that it doesn’t really matter the intent behind the show or anything, if i feel uncomfortable watching it.

    i agree with CD’s point that one television show is not a cultural referendum. it does not reflect the entire social “Reality”

    also, it does not “do anything to me” to see another woman do something i would not want to do. i cannot be “devalued” by someone else’s art.

    & also, they have every right to create whatever art or tell whatever story they want. just as i do : ) it’s very important to respect art & i value respecting freedom of expression & freedom to tell the stories of one’s individual experience.

    doesn’t bother me if CD watches it, but i can say, actually i feel better watching shows that are easier on my poor baby-ish eyes : )))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:56pm

  394. 394: lkNo Gravatar says:

    because i feel afraid of being forced to take my clothes off to survive

    that is important & that is what makes me cry.

    ((((humans)))) love to me & love to all the humans

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 12:59pm

  395. 395: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks for the suggestion, t-girl:)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 1:04pm

  396. 396: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    just opened up my email accidentally to find an email from CF from right before things turned quickly sour. it starts, “oh Starla, you continue to amaze me with your wonderfulness”

    oh really?
    lol
    confused weirdo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 1:30pm

  397. 397: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i am feeling wayyyy goo-ey relaxed after all that

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 1:58pm

  398. 398: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i notice a pattern of Beliefs that “when i feel upset, it is related to my partner” …… like…. almost as if – even though i may not assign responsibility as the *cause* of my emotions – i expect them to Care For Me *because* i am feeling distressed.

    if i believe that “feeling distressed” results in being Cared For…. well… that is not a healthy cycle to set up or perpetuate

    love you lk. it’s ok baby : )

    i’m feeling super-empowered that i didn’t make this about cd at all…. even though it felt “tied to” Him… & i’m feeling super-loving & sweet toward him because he seemed to read my mind that it was still weighing on me this morning ! & he helped me process it & see it in a new way ! (((cd))) thank you, baby : )

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:05pm

  399. 399: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Not a problem lk. I enjoy your “ramblings”. I too have confused feelings around all you say. It can be tricky to maneuver on a thinking level. For me on a feeling level, if it feels bad, I just don’t go there.

    I can’t change those things, but I can change me, and in my changes, I can heal the world just that little bit. So can you.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:05pm

  400. 400: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    I feel honored Starla, really. :) <3

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:10pm

  401. 401: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl – I used to use Tinque as my blog name as well as professional name, but I decided recently that it felt like hiding to me, and since I teach authenticity, I “came out” though my real name was never really a secret.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:12pm

  402. 402: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    You’re welcome Femininewoman. How are your poor fingers?

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:14pm

  403. 403: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling super duper angry and irritated at the sudden 180 CF pulled. ready to move the eff on.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:15pm

  404. 404: lkNo Gravatar says:

    thanks so much, dominique : )

    i feel so much better & “heard” because of the way you talked about all the…. “cr8zy” “Gremlin” voices that tell weird stories : )

    it makes it a lot easier to really ” hear myself think ” when i acknowledge that there are multiple “voices” in there & that some of them are just very silly : ))

    thank you!!!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:25pm

  405. 405: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    f*cking
    irritated
    ((((((((me))))))))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:27pm

  406. 406: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    lk – :)

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:29pm

  407. 407: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Feel it Starla; feel it all, so then you can move onto another feeling, maybe a better feeling one.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:30pm

  408. 408: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Starla))))

    dxmn, girl you are going to have a good work-out : )

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:32pm

  409. 409: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Poor fingers still not out of the woods yet. A friend got me some comfrey, trace minerals and arnica that I hope will help

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:39pm

  410. 410: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    so i haven’t been particularly pushy trying to get CF to talk to me, and for that, i feel super proud of myself! overall i left 1 voicemail and 1 text a few days later asking if there was any reason in particular he’s not speaking to me. No response.

    So tonight, I feel excited and relieved to announce I’ll be sending him just one more text, that says i tried to contact him a couple of times and i really, really hope he’s doing okay, and i just want him to know i’m going to stop contacting him for a while. i’ll say that it’s not because i don’t have feelings for him, but because it’s just not fair for either of us and we both need space from each other.

    that makes for 1 voicemail and 2 texts. Not bad. I feel really proud of me.

    then i am going to gather up everything he gave me and put it in a box, and get it out of sight. i’ll send all his emails I saved to a junk address of mine for safe keeping, and delete him out of my main email’s contacts. I’ll write down his phone number and email on a piece of paper and put it in the box, and delete all my call logs.

    and tomorrow, when i wake up, i’ll encourage myself not to worry for even a second about if he’s contacting me. because i’m “killing” him in my mind.

    i’m not sure if this is the sireniest thing to do, but I’ve put a lot of thought into it and this will be the healthiest for ME.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:49pm

  411. 411: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, gosh I feel so angry! When I’m not angry I think how interesting it would be to feel my anger and watch it expand like a hot air balloon. Then when I am angry, I feel awful… like crying, screaming, breaking things.

    Oh yeah, that was right, the vampire scream – perhaps I need that.

    No idea what got me so angry. Could be my NVs… probably and then my keyboard wouldn’t work when I finally got in the mode of getting my work done. Now that I’m in bed after giving up on my keyboard, it begins to work again. Damnit, I feel so angry!! What on earth does that mean. I am totally taking it personally that my keyboard would do this to me. What the h3ll, I feel like a complete nut feeling this way and analyzing it this way.

    AARRRRGHHH!! Feeling so angry!! Maybe it’s because I ‘m sick and tired of giving and giving in the hopes of achieving what I want from my profession. My NVs say it’s hopeless and people are just using me… I do know better though…

    I feel soooooo angry!!!! ARRRRGGHHHHH!!!!

    And now my damn keyboard is working!!!! So angry!!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:52pm

  412. 412: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Femininewoman)))))))

    i feel my heart rise up high in my chest & like it is radiating heat when i read about your hand…. i feel very “moved” & “excited” for some reason. yes, very excited. i wonder why. like, “OOH i can’t wait ! ” i feel very inspired & magical thinking of you & your…. honestly, i picture it being “delight” in your “injury” & i’m feeling sweet & teary-eyed : )

    love you : )
    (((((fingers)))))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:54pm

  413. 413: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee, NOTHING is more maddening than a broken-ass janky motherf*cking keyboard.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:57pm

  414. 414: lkNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee

    idk

    i’ve been working on it… & it doesn’t work to just “get angry” or to “stop feeling angry” but it works to say, wooooosh i feel angry, what’s something else i can think of ? oh, i like to eat potato chips with hot sauce on them : ) i like old fashioned candy shops : ) i like seeing transvestites in small towns : )

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:58pm

  415. 415: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The joint of the whole baby finger is now stiff.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 2:58pm

  416. 416: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Femininewoman)))))))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:00pm

  417. 417: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I have another confession to make. This is like my deepest, darkest, most un-cool secret (in this day and age).

    And that is that, I don’t give a sh*t about career. I of course want to make my own money. I want to work because it’s fun and I enjoy it, and I want to be fairly (more than fairly – generously!:) compensated for my myriad, worthwhile, valuable skills and talents. But I don’t care about “supporting myself.” I don’t care about having a career trajectory and/or climbing the corporate ladder. I don’t want lots of accolades and awards (unless it’s for something that I know I’m really good at). I just want to do what makes me happy, that feels fun.

    My REAL goal, and what I want for my life is that I want to be a mother. I want to be a mom, and I want to be someone’s partner in marriage and have a family. This is really ALL that I want. This is what’s important. This is all I really care about. The rest is gravy.

    Maybe I care about it SO MUCH, that I am SO AFRAID of screwing it up, that I just constantly shoot myself in the foot.

    What’s so deep-dark and secret about this wish and this desire is that I would seriously not mind if I was in a situation where the man was the bread-earner for the household, and I didn’t HAVE to work. I COULD work, if I wanted to. But that I wouldn’t be obligated, and I wouldn’t have to worry about it.

    That is so uncool these days. I think all my friends would probably shoot me if they knew about this. I feel ridiculous and selfish for admitting it. But this is the truest thing about me that I can think of. This has been true all my life, as long as I can remember.

    And it seems scary to admit this to a guy, too – that he might think that I’m a “freel-loader” or that I’m “lazy” or that I don’t want to work, so I’ll just take advantage of him. But really, I just want to be comfortable. I don’t want the pressure of “having” to work. I want to get to CHOOSE to do it because I want to. And it would just feel so good to have a man in my life who honestly didn’t mind being the one to “bring home the bacon” so to speak. And if he didn’t mind – great! I wouldn’t mind, either. I would help out in other ways. I would bring OTHER things to the table – my wisdom, my experience, my creativity, my joy. I would be able to focus more on being the excellent mother I know I am and know I can be. I would be able to concentrate on being a good partner, and I would help manage the finances, even if I didn’t make as much as he did. To me, that would be the ideal situation. And ideally, the money wouldn’t even matter. it would just be something that we would use to facilitate our lives and to fuel the relationship. It would be a GOOD thing.

    That, my dears, is my deep, dark secret. My uncool thing. Gah! But it’s also pretty feminine, though, isn’t it?? I am afraid my own femininity – eep!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:01pm

  418. 418: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks lk

    Starla your 406 gave me a good laugh

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:01pm

  419. 419: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    365:

    CurvySiren10:

    This is priceless, and I feel glowing with happiness reading it:

    “You are making great progress, but without that GENUINE self-love and confidence developing, the “vibe” will always tell a different story. In my estimation, THAT is what your focus should be on at this point, not a relationship of any kind with R.”

    That was the key for me: To focus on my relationship with me and not with him.
    That is exactly how I got to feeling peaceful and happy and they have been my predominent feelings for 3 months now…and everyone’s attitude towards me changed including my man’s.

    I feel so alive connecting with myself! :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:06pm

  420. 420: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    I feel good when i get attention
    i dont feel good when im alone
    i feel my insecurities rise over my worth
    what is someones worth?
    how do you measure it?
    by hanging in for me?
    by listening to me?
    by being attentive to me?
    by opening doors?
    by closing doors?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:22pm

  421. 421: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla – lol, that feels pretty good to hear. You’re right, it is awful…aughoigohrghg!!! Your comment makes me feel smiley though :)

    Thanks lk. I find it sooo hard to think of things I like. I end up saying hateful things about the things I like and using scatological language before every word :( I’ll give it a try though. I’m trying to sink in, breathe and love myself through the angry feelings. Maybe also not be so hung up on how much time I lost trying to get my keyboard to work. I can procrastinate for days on a specific thing and then get upset about a couple hours… :( I still feel bad about the hours coz I know I could have made progress.

    Tiffany – your dark, uncool secret isn’t that dark or uncool. It’s actually really sweet. I wish sometimes I could also just want that. I’m completely the opposite and have this amazing career. Sometimes, I feel completely overwhelmed by my potential, and I too want to be a mother and partner. I guess it just depends…. I had a friend in highschool who would say straight out she wanted to be a ‘housewife’ … and the teachers would get freaked out. But she did it. Married a blonde/ blue eyes man, which is what she wanted and became a mother/ housewife. When the kids grew up a bit, she went to college etc. Just what she wanted. I do admire women who can go for the relationship first before the career. It seems they avoid all the cr@p that some of us on Siren Island are going through… :(

    In Rori’s modern siren, she points out that being a siren is about not being afraid to be wildly successful. That’s really where the feminine power is, not necessarily being at home or going out to work specifically. I feel bad hearing that staying at home is femininity… feels like a limiting belief. What do you think?

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:25pm

  422. 422: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((FW’s Fingers)))))))))))))) Sending you loads of Siren healing energy!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:26pm

  423. 423: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    ooo, Mary, what a great question….I need to think on this and write a bit about it – and my first instinct is this: When he gets frustrated and brings that to you (don’t just offer this…)tell the truth…”I remember when you shared with me your goals about how you spend your time and want to stay focused — and I’m feeling conflicted…how do you want me to handle it when I see you doing those things you told me you didn’t want to do? When I see you angry and frustrated, I’m not sure what you want me to do? I feel helpless. I want to be a good girlfriend. Do you want me to bring it to your attention, or keep my mouth shut? Do you want help with this, or do you want me to stay out of it?”

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 3:55pm

  424. 424: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens.

    I’m just off to bed so just stopped in quickly.

    Love this place.

    Feeling pretty good in my life right now.

    Night night.

    xoxox

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 4:26pm

  425. 425: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens… Changing ohiocd to So ready CD… Because he really is ready for a relationship. We texted a lot today, and I shared my concerns that I felt a little worried that he seems to know exactly what he wants in a relationship and might try to fit me into a role. That I want to be loved and appreciated for who I am. We talked about the finance thing because he’s mentioned that a few times. I said I didn’t want to be the primary breadwinner in a relationship or feel that responsibility. He said that wasnt what he meant. Wants to have a comfortable life, and in this day often takes two incomes, but that he wanted to be the primary provider. He told me what he makes, and it’s almost double what I do. So, I feel much relieved, that it’s out there. I am not assuming things.

    We also talked about the 5 love languages and I shared mine. He liked them all, said he’d have to think about it. He’s mimicking my feeling messages , not sure he even realizes it…. Lol. We talked about a lot more… Was good. :) we are doing dinner and a Movie Saturday and I’m looking forward to spending some more time together. It feels so relieving to feel heard. Whew! I haven’t heard from any of my other CD’s today,…. Just noticed! Huh… Well that’s ok. Maybe I’ll talk to them tomorrow.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 4:32pm

  426. 426: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, if you haven’t sent that yet, I wouldn’t tell him you aren’t going to contact hi
    For awhile or that you both need space. It sounds controlling when you can’t control. He may never return a call or text, which Is ridiculous, but may not happen. Texting to say you aren’t going to text doesn’t sit well with me. I’d text and say how disappointed I am to not hear from him and that it feels confusing or irritating or whatever to have someone important just walk away…. But that you respect his decision and won’t contact him again. (only if you can stick to it) or respect his decision and wish him well and goodbye.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 4:38pm

  427. 427: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I hope you stopped texting.

    On regards to men wanting sex on first dates, I am not encountering this either. Are the conversations going there before you meet them?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 4:40pm

  428. 428: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori, I feel so very sad tonight.I am 2 months away from my 40th birthday and I am unmarried.I used to be a career woman and then decided that after all I want to share my life with someone special. But I suck at attracting assholes(excuse the french).I am tired of being hurt and then having to nurture myself back to feeling some selfworth. I view men at the moment as enemies, but I still feel somewhere deep down inside of me that there is an enemy who can love me and I him.I feel very down at the moment.I have always been scared of owning my feminine power, I dont even know exactly what it is and how to use it to my advantage and I am scared silly of dating.So relationships just sort of happen.I dont like this.And I feel murderous at the moment of the guy I have been seeing on and off.I need pampering ans someone to hold me hand.I cant do this shit(sorry) anymore.I want my own man-why are they the way the are.
    2975: Rori Raye says:
    Sharon – I’m going to hit your comment hard. Your attitude is what’s killing you. No one else is holding the hammer that’s hitting you over the head – you’re doing it to yourself. If you’re scared to date – then that clearly is what you need to be doing – until you begin to love the experience of meeting new men and working my Tools with them. I wish you so much love. Rori

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 4:58pm

  429. 429: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I want to invite music man over so bad!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:00pm

  430. 430: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    I am uncaged :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:01pm

  431. 431: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany, I wanted that too and told my husband before we were married that I wanted to be a stay home mom. He made enough to support us, so we did that. I am not driven to have a huge career either, I want to be as available as I can to my kids. I do look forward to finding a more financially rewarding career in the future, but it may include writing or work from home. I’m not sure. I do hope it includes travel though :)

    What you desire most, shouldn’t feel like a deep dark secret…. It felt amazing to raise my babies, and not put them in daycare. I never regretted it. My ex has the big career so we could afford it, and I love that he worked so hard to give us that. I have a very low stress job now, close to home and flexible hours. Pay isn’t amazing, but enough that we are comfortable.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:02pm

  432. 432: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I did teach though when we were first married and I absolutely loved it. It felt hard to leave, but I hated daycare when I was a kid, and didn’t want to send mine there.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:07pm

  433. 433: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    So BoatGuy just texted me, “hi xxx. Its cold here. I don’t even know what to reply to him.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:14pm

  434. 434: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sun goddess…. Why don’t you then?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:15pm

  435. 435: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    Not sure it’s a good idea. I feel kind of sexually needy right now.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:16pm

  436. 436: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sun goddess.. Lol.. Oh boy : ) did you decide what to do about lp?

    Gg… I hate those kinds of texts. Like they are testing the water or something. I wait at least 10 min. To reply.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:27pm

  437. 437: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    436,

    No, I’m going day to day with everything. I love LP but he doesn’t give me everything I could have. Maybe I need to tell him exactly what I need so he can decide if he can be that man.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:30pm

  438. 438: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ Turquiose

    I know. He should be cause I haven’t heard from him in 6 days.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:34pm

  439. 439: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sun goddess… That sounds like a really good plan!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:35pm

  440. 440: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl, thanks for saying you liked my comment. Feels good to be appreciated. :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:38pm

  441. 441: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @417 Tiffany

    You are not alone girlfriend, I feel exactly the same way.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:39pm

  442. 442: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lucy

    You are very welcome :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:41pm

  443. 443: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I feel excited about you unsubscribing to most coaches. Lol. Is that a weird thing to feel excited about? I recently unsubscribed to three of them, and I have felt much better! Much less noise in my head….
    <3

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:41pm

  444. 444: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I sent music man a smiley face text to see if he’s available. If he replies soon, im going to invite him over!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:41pm

  445. 445: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I can reply

    “yes it is.”

    or

    “oh, you’re home? how was vacation?”

    or

    “I feel surprised to hear from you.”

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:56pm

  446. 446: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    “oh, when did you get home?” is what I really want to say.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 5:59pm

  447. 447: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    “I haven’t heard from you in so long, I felt you walked away without saying goodbye. I felt forgotten.”

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:01pm

  448. 448: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    “Has it been a week already?”

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:02pm

  449. 449: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Giving girl,

    Why not just “hi” and see what he does from there?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:02pm

  450. 450: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Sun Goddess

    I wasn’t going to reply any of those, just venting them. :)

    I’ll reply. “Hi. Yes it is.”

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:06pm

  451. 451: Healing WaterallNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens
    I am still gazing at Braco!!!!

    I am feeling so good!!!

    Love all of you
    Will catch up with the blog later when Braco is over…

    Hugs

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:08pm

  452. 452: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    450,

    :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:08pm

  453. 453: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Part of me wants to wait until the morning to reply. Is that childish? I mean, 6 freaking days??

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:09pm

  454. 454: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I would want to too giving girl.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:11pm

  455. 455: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    LP is being weird. He invited me to the baseball game for tomorrow but when I called for details he acted like I was bothering him.

    ANcd just called and said I have been on his mind all day.

    Music man just checked in at the gym so at least I know he isn’t ignoring me. Going to lean back now.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:19pm

  456. 456: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Sun Goddess

    I don’t like it when they act weird. Leaning back is good.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:21pm

  457. 457: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I want to text him, “I was going to invite someone over but they are at the gym.” because he texted me the other day saying he was going to take the day off but someone didnt.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:23pm

  458. 458: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess, did you have a different name on here before?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:23pm

  459. 459: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Lucy…it was ice princess

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:25pm

  460. 460: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling so full of love for my guy right now. I have been feeling so warm and peaceful and cared for with his most recent interactions. *happy sigh*

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:26pm

  461. 461: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm… I thought it was something else! Okay… :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:26pm

  462. 462: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I forget what I named him… Carpenter cd maybe, but he’s texting and wants to see me tomorrow. I have one free hour, will be a quickie date :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:42pm

  463. 463: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    hey turquoise, thanks for replying to me:) i really really am just doing this for me and without attachment to the outcome. actually, i see saying ‘goodbye’ as controlling, since we never actually said ‘goodbye’ forever. i had a friend recently say goodbye to me forever because i wouldn’t answer his texts, and it really icked me out because i would have DEFINITELY talked to him eventually.

    anyway, i feel really excited to send this text and move along with my life:)

    and also excited to see how i feel as i’m typing it and sending it. because it triggers me so much still! there’s so much to learn about myself in that.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:42pm

  464. 464: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Here are some adjectives my parents used to describe me for my project:

    Quiet, deep, full of thought (not easy for others to read your emotions)

    Tight-lipped – unforthcoming (one must pry things out of you)

    Very telling, don’t you think?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:47pm

  465. 465: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I should tell him how Mr. Observant was hitting on me Sat. and he asked if I was in a relationship and I felt bad because I didn’t know how to answer that question.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 6:52pm

  466. 466: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yayyyy i did it! and then i deleted all call logs from my phone. and all his emails from my main account.

    next i am going to put all his little keepsakes away. sigh. this feels sad, actually. but i feel like i’m doing the right thing.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:20pm

  467. 467: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been stressing all day about overfunctioning this morning after messing up last night with R!

    So around 9 pm, I get a text from R…

    R: I didn’t get the messages you sent me since we talked last. Something happened to my phone.

    B: Awesome! What’s up?

    R: What do you mean? I know you sent me messages because I saw them on there before they were deleted.

    B: It is an answer to prayer that you did not receive them! :-) Brenda is a learner, and I just really appreciate a fresh start. How was your day?

    R: Did you pray that I wouldn’t receive them?

    B: I prayed that God would help me to stop sabotaging our friendship, and that you wouldn’t be mad at me. I’m still in process with emotional intelligence. ;-)

    R: What did you say in the message?

    B: I was overfunctioning and trying to do damage control. I didn’t say anything bad if that’s what you are wondering. It was more like going from having one foot stuck in my mouth to have two stuck in my mouth. Can I just enjoy God’s answer to my prayers?

    B: (after 5 minutes) Hello?

    R: Hey

    B: Hey

    R: I’m eating

    B: I finished helping Cassandre move and clean today.

    R: Cool

    R: I’m trying to take a nap. I’ll talk to you later.

    B: Ok good night. Thank you.

    This is way cool! I get yet another chance! LOL!

    How was your day? I feel happy!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:24pm

  468. 468: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ok everything’s been put away in a tote bag in my closet. it felt really triggering and saddening to gather everything up.

    now what? i suppose i could take a shower and wash it all away:)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:30pm

  469. 469: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I want a partner who is so natural to be with, that it is like breathing – even when breathing is difficult sometimes, but it is still sustaining.

    I am imagining that I am with this kind of partner right now. That he is right there, if only I could see him, or know he exists. He is right by my side, all the time. I can feel his presence, and it fels warm and supportive to me.

    I can relax, because I know I’ll never be judged. No matter how crazy I act, or how angry I get, he’ll always love me, and I can count on that.

    That feels very reassuring to think about. I am choosing to believe and think and act as if it were true.

    And it feels real.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:42pm

  470. 470: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    love to me, forgiveness to me. love is easy and effortless. love to me love to me love to me

    there are no “mistakes,” starla. you kept your cool, you didn’t blame, guilt, beg, yell, or insult. you are a lovely little thing and I’m proud of you and all your strength, and you deserve to be happy no matter what. <3 <3 <3 i love you!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:45pm

  471. 471: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    WARNING…may cause barfing….

    So Rugby Man and I just had a great texting conversation…

    him: baby I’m not going to make it down tonight, I have to finish up some work stuff in the morning”

    ME: ok baby, I feel mopey but I understand
    (I’ve never said I feel mopey in my life lol)

    HIM: Sorry you’re mopey baby ;) I’ll make it up to you ;)

    ME: Awww..I like that :) now I don’t feel totally mopey but I’ll have some “I’ll make it up to you” ;)

    HIM: Anything you want baby you just let me know :)

    ME: well I already feel beautiful, adored, special, safe, and taken care of with you…I’m sure I can think of something though…

    HIM: I’m glad you feel that way baby :) that’s what i’ve been going for :) you just think of something and let me know :)

    ME: sometimes it feels so good and easy it feels scary :)

    HIM: I know what you mean baby :)

    ME: I feel good hearing that :)

    I feel giddy …we just connected on a new level…i’m sorry if anyone barfed or gagged lol

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:45pm

  472. 472: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    also, your feelings are important and they do matter.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:47pm

  473. 473: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany…he is sooo real…just keep imagining him :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:48pm

  474. 474: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens and Rori!

    What a great timing for this article! M has been so much in his head and sooo stressed as he is going to custody court in a few weeks… It’s been so difficult not to advise and I have to work very hard at leaning back. Sometimes he is very confident about it and other times I feel him so frazzled and with a ‘short mesh’. It’s hard work as I want to tell him everything is going to be ok and at the same time I don’t want to mother him or advise. Of course he’s situation is naturally very stressful and the best I can do is to just be there. It feels so good to just write about it on the blog!!!

    I need some Siren hugs!

    Other than that I am excited at new job opportunities and I am taking care of some things in my life that needed attention. I am doing some face treatments that are having wonderful results (they were a gift from M) and I am getting to be an expert at green smoothies! Also, spending lots of time with M, my kids and his.

    He has told the kids we will all live together but we just don’t know when yet, and that feels exciting. I have to remind myself though to let go of the outcome and stay a Siren. I feel so hopeful and warm and there are so many changes, I hope these are all for the best for us and that we stay cupped in the protective hands of the Universe.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:49pm

  475. 475: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I can’t see post numbers on my phone, but it made me smile to read about all your CDs that are there for you after CF didn’t step up. Yay!! :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:49pm

  476. 476: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aw, jilly, i love it!
    and i feel so grateful to know what that feels like, too! yay love <3

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:50pm

  477. 477: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I notice so many new Siren names on the blog! Have there been a lot of name changes?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:51pm

  478. 478: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
    Siren Angel
    )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:52pm

  479. 479: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I felt scared reading about the email to your man on FB!!! I hope it all works out. But I wonder, could he have gotten into your computer by any chance? I just read here that he deleted the email?

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:53pm

  480. 480: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    this is spam:

    so i’m on a dating site w no picture and minimal info. and a guy 10 years younger than me wrote to me this morning. i wrote back hi and aren’t you going to be late for work.

    please note: he put down what he does, and i do the same thing, only i’m further along and older than him.

    so he wrote back, how do you know so much about what i do.

    and essentially i replied, because i’m one of your supervisors. (i’m not. it just made me laugh to write that this morning).

    so he wrote back tonight “your creepy”. so i wrote back, “i’m just kidding. i have no idea who you are. message people your own age before you really do hit a supervisor”. and i have no idea why i did this, i was being a total snob, i wrote “and it’s spelled you’re not your. it stands for you are”.

    i thought that was the end of it.

    he wrote back “you really are fucking creepy”.

    and that hurt my feelings! but i realize i was antagonizing this guy. i have no idea why i did that. why i was being a snob, why i was being condescending. no idea.

    obviously i’m never writing back to this guy. but would it have killed me to just ignore him in the first place? i think i even replied because we are in the same business.

    i always welcome any thoughts about my ramblings if anyone has them.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:55pm

  481. 481: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla :-) xx

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:55pm

  482. 482: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I am reading your posts… ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((STARLA)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:58pm

  483. 483: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    oh, i went into moderation. probably the swear word. i’ll take it out:

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:58pm

  484. 484: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    this is spam:

    so i’m on a dating site w no picture and minimal info. and a guy 10 years younger than me wrote to me this morning. i wrote back hi and aren’t you going to be late for work.

    please note: he put down what he does, and i do the same thing, only i’m further along and older than him.

    so he wrote back, how do you know so much about what i do.

    and essentially i replied, because i’m one of your supervisors. (i’m not. it just made me laugh to write that this morning).

    so he wrote back tonight “your creepy”. so i wrote back, “i’m just kidding. i have no idea who you are. message people your own age before you really do hit a supervisor”. and i have no idea why i did this, i was being a total snob, i wrote “and it’s spelled you’re not your. it stands for you are”.

    i thought that was the end of it.

    he wrote back “you really are f**king creepy”.

    and that hurt my feelings! but i realize i was antagonizing this guy. i have no idea why i did that. why i was being a snob, why i was being condescending. no idea.

    obviously i’m never writing back to this guy. but would it have killed me to just ignore him in the first place? i think i even replied because we are in the same business.

    i always welcome any thoughts about my ramblings if anyone has them.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 7:59pm

  485. 485: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    RE: #427 – I’m not saying they want sex on the first date necessarily, but even when I make it abundantly clear that I am posting in the strictly platonic section because I want it to be strictly platonic and save sex for marriage, they still think they can persuade me to have sex after a few dates.

    I got a simple solution: no more dating on craigslist. Back to dating in person men only who I meet in my every day life.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:02pm

  486. 486: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    GG,

    RE: #382 – “@Radlove – I can see myself sometimes in your comments. You’re trying too hard to make things right. Just like this posts says. I find I do that too. I’m trying to change that and it’s hard for me too.”

    Yes, I am trying too hard as this post says. I got a good time of processing today and I’m back on the right track.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:03pm

  487. 487: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    hmph, i feel pouty. like a pouty 6 year old girl. My inner little girl doesn’t understand why we can’t just keep playing with CF in the sandbox. She wants to keep trying. She’s gonna require a lot of care and attention to stop pouting about this one, especially since she doesn’t understand how anyone would not want to play with her when her heart is so true, or how sometimes they’ll even throw sand at her when she’s playing! She really thinks if she keeps trying, everything will change, so she’s pouting big time that I’m not letting her try right now. She doesn’t understand why there would even be a problem in the first place. Poor thing. I wonder what she would like that might help her feel better.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:04pm

  488. 488: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Emerson}}},

    RE: #375 – Thank you! All good reminders, right on!

    I love you, too! That means a lot to me!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:06pm

  489. 489: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Just lean back (physically AND mentally). Remember the true Siren that you are!!! We all know here what a great Siren you are. :-) If CF is not stepping up, he may not be ready or he’s not the right man for you but ALL you CAN do is to be a total Siren, so that a man CAN step up. And you, dear Starla, truly are a Siren as we all know, so chin up buttercup :-)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:07pm

  490. 490: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    CurvySiren,

    Re: #372 – Thank you! Yes, that internal shift is still in process. I’ve come a long way, and I give compassion to my weak parts.

    Lucy, thanks, yes, i agree about treating myself as I would a child.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:11pm

  491. 491: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    ((Dominique))
    ((Turquoise))
    ((LiliBee))
    ((Memulo))
    ((Emerson))
    ((Tiffany))
    ((Jilly))
    ((Iamabutterfly))
    ((SMB))
    ((Daria))
    ((SirenSong))
    ((Francesca))
    ((FMW))

    I miss the blog. It feels good to spend a little time here tonight and connect with some Sirens.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:13pm

  492. 492: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    and ((Ella))
    and ((Lizka))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:13pm

  493. 493: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Starla))) thank you :) It feels so good to see you staying open and not shutting down

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:21pm

  494. 494: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    #470 oh Jilly , he is so HOT! No barfing here :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:23pm

  495. 495: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique,

    RE: #367 – Awww, thank you so much! I can always count on you to surround me with compassion. I so appreciate what you said. I so need that gentleness in my heart. Totally true.

    I feel in a much better space tonight after my most recent text with R and after processing in depth all day with my friend who I was helping to move.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:27pm

  496. 496: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Shut down? goodness, no! i learned so much wonderfulness from dating CF! I am feeling pretty confident. And I’m proving to myself that I can handle ups and downs and break ups and it won’t hurt me or affect my life or self-care.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:28pm

  497. 497: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you siren angel! Hugs to you too !!! Sounds like you are being patient and supportive, and that sounds perfect!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:31pm

  498. 498: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    ((Queenbee))

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:32pm

  499. 499: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I feel your energy shifts are confusing. To be in such a low with Ryan in one conversation and then to use awesome and !!! In the next feels strange, like trying wayyyy to hard. Your highs are so high and lows are so low…. Maybe it would feel better to mostly converse with R from a middle ground place. Where your emotions are more balanced.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:37pm

  500. 500: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    RE: #365 – Thank you! I receive all that. i fell asleep during your post so I know it’s time for bed. Good night!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:45pm

  501. 501: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly, you two are so cute :) thanks for sharing all the happy :)

    Starla, I have some of my ex’s stuff, to keep safe since he moves around so much…. But it’s interspersed with mine. I need to gather it all up in a box and pack it away. His baby pictures, class ring, some military mementoes, college stuff…. Sigh. I should add the bag of cards and love letters he wrote, pictures of us. Not that those are out and in the open, but in my room. I need a C bedroom. That will feel freeing.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:52pm

  502. 502: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Siren Angel)))))

    (((((Queenbee))))) he is HOT too lol…not a grow on ya kind of thing…his body and build…YUM!!! and his kisses…I haven’t seen him since last Monday…can ya tell??? lol his work is an hour and half a way…so it’s usually every weekend…but we will have tomorrow through Sunday together :)

    Starla you a rockstar :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:54pm

  503. 503: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    A C FREE bedroom

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 8:57pm

  504. 504: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm…my cd tonight told me he’s in an open relationship with someone in a different city. ‘Nothing serious’. I felt pretty okay about this because he has been…intense… about me since we were in our early 20s and it was more than i could handle in the past. I just practiced my skills…eye contact, FMs, leaning back. He asked me out again for next week. I have no intention of getting with a dude who has other women out of town, but he’s is sooooo masculine. I’m going to receive what he has to offer as practice.

    So different from angry guy, who sent me dozens of emails in the past24 hrs, most of which were…angry. He sent back all the emails we’d ever exchanged (as attachments!) explaining that he’d erased them and now ‘they were mine to keep’. He emailed back later saying he was sorry he’d erased them. I felt exhausted just reading his emails. At the end he also told me i ‘was ruining my own life’ by not being exclusive with him and causing us to break up. He also said he didn’t understand why marriage was more important to me than him…

    I feel very relieved to be out of that situation.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:23pm

  505. 505: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I had some paranoid thoughts in the shower that maybe CF’s best (girl) friend was on the blog looking for help with her own marriage, and found me talking about CF and showed him everything.

    i dunno. the silent treatment still baffles me.

    but other than that paranoid thought, i mostly thought about my friends and translating song lyrics while i was showering, NOT cf. yay!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:31pm

  506. 506: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    yay starla!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:40pm

  507. 507: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…I totally know how you feel

    the man who brought me to Rori…although I was not a siren at the time…

    he was talking marriage and then things started going down hill a little but nothing that “worried” me and then I had to leave for awhile for work and I was gone two weeks and he just stopped talking to me or texting. I sent a few texts and called asking what was wrong…NOTHING!!!!

    It was one of the hardest things I’ve gone through. The NOT knowing what happened.

    I text him when I got home 3 months later that his girl scout cookies he ordered were here…NOTHING.. 2 YEARS later he shows up like nothing happened…and now being a Siren…still didn’t change the outcome…he couldn’t do relationship

    not saying that CF can’t…but you’re right there weren’t any mistakes. You did everything to the best of your ability.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:44pm

  508. 508: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    siren song…ya..receive receive receive from a yummy masculine man :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:45pm

  509. 509: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    jilly: :-)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:48pm

  510. 510: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    so my calendar is filling up! have a night with guy friends tomorrow (love practicing on them!), movie date with oldfriendcd next week, date with a guy i used to work with and a coffee date with an eharmony guy. i feel nervous about that last one…haven’t met anyone from online yet…eek!

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:51pm

  511. 511: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Turquoise :)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:53pm

  512. 512: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((siren song)))))))))
    gosh i feel shocked at the angry guy of yours. and also triggered thinking of times i acted like that in my life.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 9:59pm

  513. 513: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my cd’s keep making plans and then kinda backing away from them… it’s weird but it’s actually what i want. i am not feeling ready to ‘put my heart into it’ yet, so i’m sure they are sensing this, even though i’m totally faking being fine:). I am a really great manifester.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:10pm

  514. 514: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow, jilly, what a story. thank you for sharing.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:13pm

  515. 515: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    gosh, i can’t imagine cf avoiding me for 2 years, after 9 lovely months together. my inner little girl really doesn’t get that one. feeling pouty again.

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:17pm

  516. 516: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Starla, for making me breakfast
    Thank you for finding someone to split a burger with instead of eat the whole one
    Thank you for going to the gym
    Thank you for eating dinner
    Thank you for shaving my legs
    Thank you for moisturizing my skin
    Thank you for drinking coconut water
    Thank you for cooking dinner
    Thank you for standing up for me and my sanity
    Thank you for not believing any of what I’ve been experiencing is because I don’t deserve any better.
    Thank you for believing in me:)

    Tuesday, 24 April 2012 @ 10:38pm

  517. 517: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    All I do is sit at home and practixe tantra. im a magic being. hehe . im taking worshippers… this is fun!

    omg once i laid back, guys started WANTING to come to me… w out me pressing it

    wow

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:26am

  518. 518: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((DariA)))

    THIS IS where daria loves herslef

    ahhh relaxing

    taking a bath

    in the white screen paper blog

    yummmmmm

    milk bath

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:28am

  519. 519: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    that was a cool ass poem…

    im gonna save em and get them published huh

    or do somethign creative with them

    im hella into this ‘creative’ thing

    i discovered the word late

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:41am

  520. 520: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘creative’ is being a genius

    i was born to be a genius i was ‘bred’ for that lol

    and i am
    i do not dissapoint

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:43am

  521. 521: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am considered a very smart girl in my culture.

    very stylish

    very charming

    very sexy

    very beautiful and sweet

    and sexy

    and oh yeah interesting

    and smart

    and sexy

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:44am

  522. 522: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    none of that matters when it comes to attraction huh

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:45am

  523. 523: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah! i should just be UNIQUE

    unique human cuz no matter what i WILL be attractive just cuz i know how to play the energy game and dance the dance of romance

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:46am

  524. 524: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla – Starla HI5! flying through the stars like theye star shaped skateboards in teh universe, me and starla on this tube tunnel explosion of galatic dreaming

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:49am

  525. 525: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda im gonna look for your post!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:49am

  526. 526: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oops! sorry!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:50am

  527. 527: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel uncomfortable! n embarassed scared,

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:50am

  528. 528: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    466: Radlove says:
    I’ve been stressing all day about overfunctioning this morning after messing up last night with R!

    So around 9 pm, I get a text from R…

    R: I didn’t get the messages you sent me since we talked last. Something happened to my phone.

    B: Awesome! What’s up?

    (ok great that you’re warm, and now also don’t ask him anything ! just do a “awesome ! :)

    R: What do you mean? I know you sent me messages because I saw them on there before they were deleted.

    B: It is an answer to prayer that you did not receive them! Brenda is a learner, and I just really appreciate a fresh start. How was your day?

    (you are indulging your equisite taste for the dramatic here, by being self deprecating, it reminds me of whats her name in that movie, Shiela, when her husband was cheating on her… you should think aobut WRITING PLAYS GIRL!!! but dont use your dramatic here, even though its very beautifully written.

    so just say only script I feel… what do you think. OMG it will SOO work

    so here you say : I feel…

    “R: What do you mean? I know you sent me messages because I saw them on there before they were deleted.

    B: hehe :) i feel silly (i dono, *I* daria feel silly lol so it works)

    R: Did you pray that I wouldn’t receive them?

    (ryan is intrigued, in a mystery conversationalist way)

    B: I prayed that God would help me to stop sabotaging our friendship, and that you wouldn’t be mad at me. I’m still in process with emotional intelligence.

    (more drama. not with a guy girl, don’t tell HIM this stuff. this is something you write down for yourself. tell him your direct feelings… so hell take charge)

    R: What did you say in the message?

    B: I was overfunctioning and trying to do damage control. I didn’t say anything bad if that’s what you are wondering. It was more like going from having one foot stuck in my mouth to have two stuck in my mouth. Can I just enjoy God’s answer to my prayers?

    ( how about: “mm i just feel embarassed talkin to you ” – thats really waht you might be feeling in this instance and w so many wrods tryan communicate… im just guessing here… so what Are you feeling? tell him that in one word messages… i feel ____

    B: (after 5 minutes) Hello?

    nope.

    R: Hey

    B: Hey

    R: I’m eating

    ( B: oh sorry ! i feel bad :( ! — hes blowing you off!!! how are you feeling??! )

    B: I finished helping Cassandre move and clean today.

    R: Cool

    R: I’m trying to take a nap. I’ll talk to you later.

    B: Ok good night. Thank you.

    (be more specific what youre thanking him for… what Are you thanking him for?)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:02am

  529. 529: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((siren song))) – that new guy doesnt sound too hot either.. id tell him after this date that i dont want other women in the picture when a man’s pursuing me… lol… im psyching myself up to tell it to my guy… ugh

    and he just came back and im scared he’ll leave… ugh

    i feel so mad and powerless
    a
    nd i have all the power

    yes im gonna choose high requirements

    and remain celibate?/???! :( :_

    :/

    boo hoo kinda

    boo hoo

    i dono wat to doooo

    what if it doesnt mean anything bad

    what if its all good

    i can require what FEELS good to me

    if my heart feels good,its all good

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:07am

  530. 530: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    bucuriiee! i got it goin on.. bucuriee… i got it all nite long

    bucuriee i got it got it got it baby yeah… bucuriee..

    i am the one for ya

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:14am

  531. 531: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow thanks Feminine Woman that feels amazing to receive… i feel all embarassed…

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:15am

  532. 532: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove: here’s where it wnet wrong, at the root

    “I realize I shouldn’t have contacted him, but my feeling of missing him was so strong that I texted him.”

    more and more, im realizign if i start it with leaning forward even just a push or a nudge or an obvious thing, eventually its gona lead to me feeling pain

    and i always discover new ways i can actually lean even MORE back, and it feels incredible the results i get THEN… its like a mindshift worldshift… whew… im having one now

    so just keep on practicing leaning back, you’re doing well

    he’s bringing up the owrd ‘boyfriend’ so at least y’all more in the open what you’re talking about

    oh and… it doesn’t feel good the way he’s treating you… and it might all be cuz of your leaning forward… maybe if you lean back you’ll get good treatment, or maybe you’ll get a disappeared man… but he’s always there if u lean forward, till you actually realize it really does feel bad

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:27am

  533. 533: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    When you feel that feeling of missing him hella strong next time, just notice it, and be like, im not gonna do nothing this time, im just gonna feel this feeling…a nd ntocie it will probalby bring up thoughts from yurs childhood, feeling that intense feeling omgosh

    and then youll feel it through and it will no longer have power over you

    youll be able to enjoy the passionate wonderful part of that feeling

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:29am

  534. 534: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel @ 489

    Thanks for the hugs! :)

    Sounds like you’re doing ok!

    Feeling sleepy this morning but finally seeing blue skies and sunshine is giving me a boost!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:54am

  535. 535: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    So sweet that some of you were wondering where I’ve been.

    ((((((Sirens))))))

    I just didn’t feel too much like coming on the blog in the last week… Not because I was sad, I was actually super happy. I just felt a little different. My CDating life is empty empty empty. I have talk to ATW a few times, but more friendly kind. ModelCD has officially poofed I think.

    Anyway,writing this makes me want to cry even if I’M not really feeling sad about it. I don’t feel too lonely because I was super busy in the last days. But I didn’t want to come here, read all your dating stories and me have nothing else than my work, my collegues and my car to write about.

    I’m sorry.

    Anyway I’m in a rush to go to work but tonight I’ll try to come back and explain what is happening with ATW (it’s pretty positive I think) and also with RamadanCD who have been stepping up like crazy in the last two days!! Stepping up like no man have done in at least one year (probably more) with me. I’m not sure what are my feelings are, I don’t feel that attracted, but he is a nice guy and I am staying open to his seduction. :)

    Have a good day sirens. xoxo

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:51am

  536. 536: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizka, have a nice day! :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:58am

  537. 537: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Lizka, great to see you back, I have been lurking the past few days.

    Turquoise I may have missed it but what happened with your breakfast date?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:06am

  538. 538: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Chickies!
    Sun is shining, sky is blue and the wind is calm this morning…….I’ve been touching down and reading the blog here and there….this time of year is so full….all good. May will bring a concert, some traveling and finally a trip for my children to meet sweety’s family…with whom they’ve been exchanging gifts, emails and photos…..it’s time they all met…after 9 months things are going very well……..feet on the ground…..working through the burps and hiccups and not reacting…..

    ……keeping my mouth closed when needed and my ears open….lol

    ~~~***~~~*** fairy dust and love
    love
    Aurora
    xo

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:42am

  539. 539: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizka! Happy to hear about your life no matter what :)

    Silver, it was ok. He was a little late, which I thought was odd since he’d called me earlier and teased me that I didn’t get up til 8 and he’d gotten up at 5. He was a little quirky, but it went ok. Later on though he sent me a text saying sorry if I was disappointed. I asked if I seemed disappointed? He said a little, but that it was ok. I replied that I had a nice time, am just always hoping for that immediate connection. He replied that it didn’t help he was late. I got super busy with my day, my date with pilot, so I didn’t reply until the next day. Then I got all explaining like this post talks about… Saying how I think first dates can be hard, believe its good to have a few to get to know someone. He replied that he agreed, actually does have a personality. I asked about his party he went to (we both had bday parties to go to) he responded, didn’t ask about my day… And that was it. I haven’t heard from him since. Out of the three I’ve met so far, the one I am least attracted to.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:51am

  540. 540: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Funny thing is, he’s closest to my age and I really thought I wanted that.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:52am

  541. 541: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sun is aging and C called to say good morning to CV before she left for school. When I answered I asked what he was up to and he said he was still laying in bed, trying to get motivated to start his day…. And boy did that make me think about being in bed with him…. Being unmotivated to start our days and enjoying the moment. Sigh… Wondering when those feelings will fade. It’s so easy for my mind to go there.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:59am

  542. 542: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Aurora! November to see you here!!! :) glad things are going so well :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:00am

  543. 543: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #537/8 Turquoise

    Ah interesting, I am liking Pilot so far. :) Maybe I am attracted to his plane too lol!!

    Funny how the one you thought you wanted has not worked out as you thought it would, as Rori says prepare to be surprised.

    I have been thinking since reading this post about how explainey I get too, and I could see Radlove doing that too on her posts to R. Sorry for talking about you in the 3rd person Radlove.

    I wonder if we get like that too if we are first born or have kids or just have a kind of teachery vibe going on? Like always explaining to the “little ones” so it carries on into areas where it shouldn’t like with full grown men.

    Not that I am getting much practise at all lately, had one the other day, he seemed OK by his profile but he had a far away blurry pic so I asked him for a close up and he has poofed……….I like to see who I am talking to and refuse to correspond with faceless men, some get quite offended when you ask for a pic so I have decided now not to talk to anybody without.

    NO PIC = NO REPLY

    I have this on my profile now. :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:05am

  544. 544: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmm something tells me Turquoise is on her phone with autocorrect lol!!

    Hey Aurora, you seem to be doing well, lovely to see you and I thought of you when I have been thinking of joining a paid dating site and actually PAY as at least (hopefully) the men will be quite serious about actually meeting, not just pen pals and time wasters………

    What do other Sirens think about this? Mind you it will depend on how much it costs as I am still trying to get my home together…………can’t justify paying for dating when I still have sheets as curtains lol!! (only until my next pay, they are next on the list).

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:08am

  545. 545: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @533 (((Lizka))) – aw, I felt connected to you when I read that. I totally understand. You are so sweet to explain yourself (ironic considering the blog topic, hehe.) Have a great day!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:19am

  546. 546: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver, I think you might have better chances at finding someone on a paying site.

    However, I don’t want to rain on your parade but remember that there are time wasters everywhere, unfortunately.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:41am

  547. 547: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really light and swirly and alive with springtime. I feel curious. I feel happy. I also feel annoyed.

    SeenmecryCD was in the group of guys hanging out with me last night.

    He seemed really happy to see me. Sat down close next to me. Kept mirroring my body language.

    Talked my ear off.

    Of course I liked it and felt deeply happy.

    It always feels a little surprising interacting with him because I’m usually the talker in guy/girl interactions. I usually mesh well with quiet guys who are really good listeners. Most talkative guys bore the crap out of me.

    I love listening to SMC, and find him fascinating. I feel more feminine with him, and it feels really good.

    He is such a happy person. Optimistic. Take-charge-esque. Probably the happiest out of any of my CDs. No, NopressureCD is pretty happy too. But there’s a contagiousness to SMC’s happiness. I love it. It makes me feel happy and light and giddy.

    and this was the weird thing: he complimented me on that night that I lost my temper.

    He told me that I really held my own. I told him that I still felt bad that I lost my temper. He brushed it off…

    I feel scared to get closer to him as a friend knowing he has a gf. Girlfriends turn into fiances which turn into wives.

    I felt like he felt jealous seeing me with one of my FriendCDs the other night who really likes me.

    It felt good seeing him jealous. He was with his gf that night, so I felt really happy to see him jealous. Serves him right!

    FriendCD and I have known each other a long time, so we just kind of have the kind of connection that goes along with time. We have some pretty different worldviews, and both kind of know it would never work out between us long term, but SMC doesn’t know that…

    I feel curious as to what I should do about this. I feel scared to keep feeling deeper feelings for SMC, and am wondering if I should use a feeling message to talk to him about it…

    I feel scared to lose him as a friend and I feel scared to develop deeper feelings knowing he has a gf.

    Should I just tell him that?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:01am

  548. 548: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver, I agree with Francesca. If men are willing to put money towards a dating site, then I feel safer with them, because it usually means they are looking for something more meaningful.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:05am

  549. 549: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning, Sirens!

    This is my last day to post before my beach trip with GM. Tomorrow I have to go out of town for work in the morning, then I’m driving to his house to spend the night before we head to the beach the next day. I tried again to engage him in a conversation last night – I saw he was online and I emailed him “Guess what . . .” he emailed right back “what” and I then told him a quick and exciting (for me) update about a personal situation he is aware of. he gave a quick reply and that was it . . . I can feel him pulling back so hard right now. I know he is afraid of spending time with me – he knows I am in love with him and he does not want a committment. He is probably regretting asking me to come with him now – thinking i will get all emotionally attached to him again. I am working so hard on myself to make sure I handle this weekend right, but of course he does not know that.

    I am going to just leave him alone until time to go to house tomorrow evening and see what he acts like then. He is soooo skitish it is sort of funny – big, tall powerful man is afraid of little ol’ me . . .

    Any last minute advice for me before I go?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:14am

  550. 550: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @547 Calypso – It sounds like you are leaning forward by trying to engage him in conversation and messaging him first. also, how does he know you are in love with him?

    I can feel your masculine energy. I don’t know much and still have a lot to learn, but my advice would be to just really sink into your feelings, get into feminine energy mode, and let him lead.

    If you want, you can tell him that you feel his skittishness, and ask him to tell you about it, and then listen to him on Level 2.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:19am

  551. 551: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    If he’s pulling back, you need to lean back.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:21am

  552. 552: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca and Llama ( :) )

    I am beginning to think you are right, even on that Oasis site I joined a few weeks ago, I swear it is full of married men with no pics and Nigerian scammers who are “on a peace keeping mission in Iraq” yet live in London…..mmmmmmm…

    I was talking to some guy yesterday and he “warned” me he was pretty forward and cheeky, I told him I don’t do sex chat and behold another one vamoosed!!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:22am

  553. 553: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam

    I agree with Francesca. Paid sites are probably better. I’m not a big fan of dating sites at all, but I felt less hounded on OKCupid than POF. Some of the things men say on those sites just amaze me.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:23am

  554. 554: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @545 lamabutterfly

    I’m not sure I would say anything to him since he has a gf. I think I would keep it to myself. If he wants to leave his gf to pursue you, that’s his choice and wouldn’t you feel better knowing it was his choice without any nudging from you?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:33am

  555. 555: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @552 Giving Girl – That feels right. I don’t want to “nudge” him, I just feel scared to develop further feelings for him through our friendship.

    This feels triggering for me because I have fallen in love with a guy friend before, who had an on and off again relationship with his gf, would try stuff with me unsuccessfully when they were broken up, and ended up marrying her. It. felt. awful. :(

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:38am

  556. 556: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    BoatGuy texted last night, “Hi. It’s cold here.

    I replied over an hour later, “Hi. Yes, it is.”

    And that was it, no other talk.

    I feel like saying, “I was being hit on Sat. night. He asked me if I was in a relationship. I felt bad answering, “well, I’m not really sure.” Things are feeling more and more like an FWB situation, which I don’t want. If you want me to be your girlfriend, come and get me. Until then, I will be keeping my options open.”

    What do you think?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:40am

  557. 557: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @554 Giving Girl – That feels fiesty! I really like it.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:47am

  558. 558: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Lamabutterfly – He knows that I am in love with him because we were in a committed relationship last year. We were crazy about each other and he was everything I had ever wanted in a man until he started freaking out that he had fallen to hard and too fast and that he was going to get hurt again – his ex-wife cheated on him. We have had many deep conversations about our feelings and how he acted when he got scared. He knows I am in love with him and he has admitted that he loves me too, but he says he does not think he will ever be able to committ to me or anyone (He says if he could it would be me, but whatever . . . ).

    I’ve dated another man since then for two months, which included sleeping with him and during that time, I did not contact GM at all, but he stayed in touch with me. When my relationship ended, GM asked me to go on this trip with him as friends. He knows I am very skeptical about our ability to be just friends and he also knows that I would rather be lovers. We have no trouble talking about our feelings and he is usually the one to start the conversations.

    I have no expectations that this trip is going to result in us being a couple again. I just want the opportunity to be with him in a setting that gives us time to really feel whatever it is we are each going to feel. I want to experience everything.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:48am

  559. 559: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, #485: I feel that way too! Why wouldn’t *everyone* want to play in the sandbox with me? PriestCD abruptly picked up his toys and went home, and I feel confused and sad!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:01am

  560. 560: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @556 Calypso – wow, that feels really complicated and emotionally intense. I would feel really excited and anxious if I were you! I would still recommend staying in feminine energy mode and leaning back. If it were me, I would be REALLY tempted to lean forward and I like I said, I kind of feel like that’s what you’re already doing.

    Remember, you are a beautiful, fabulous, amazing Siren who can feel safe leaning back and being the woman! Good luck to you! (((Hugs)))

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:08am

  561. 561: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Siren Angel)))) – aw, I felt so warm seeing you give away all those Siren hugs!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:12am

  562. 562: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @485 Starla – that was so cute. :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:13am

  563. 563: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you!

    I do have to work very hard to harness my inner boy . . . lol

    For this trip, I have purchased myself all sorts of girly things to help remind me to BE THE GIRL . . . GM is sooooo masculine that I can be a little bit of a boy and still look like the girl compared to him, but this trip I want to be 100% feminine – he has never seen that from me before.

    What I have been doing this week is leaning forward, no doubt, but I had to stay a little connected to him to keep my nerves in check and keep myself focused on going to the gym, tanning, buying my girly clothes and jewlery and listening to my Toxic Men Cd’s.

    Now I am about 30 hours from being with him for 4 days and I am going to lean back, sink in and be the girl I know I can be – the one he does not realize is there because i hid her from him for so long.

    I can’t wait to feel it all!!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:21am

  564. 564: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @561 Calypso – aw, I feel excited for you! Good luck and have so much feminine, leaning back fun! hehe. :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:25am

  565. 565: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @553 lamabutterfly

    I can understand why you don’t want to repeat that. Keep him in your mind as only a friend. Refuse to think about him in any other way, unless he becomes single. Focus on the other single men in your life. Who knows, one day, things may change. Don’t waste your precious time on him until they do.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:34am

  566. 566: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @553 Giving Girl – thank you! I think I’ll just pretend that he’s married, lol. :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:37am

  567. 567: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ Calypso

    I remember you saying he said his week wasn’t the greatest. That could be why he seems skittish…It may have nothing to do with you. Try not to worry so much and just see how things go on their own. Have fun! :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:40am

  568. 568: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ 555 lamabutterfly

    Thank you. Fiesty feels good.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:52am

  569. 569: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl – you are so right! I have told him in the past not to assume that every little thing is about him – lol. Now I’m doing the same thing!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:55am

  570. 570: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @564 lamabutterfly

    That feels like a good idea!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:01am

  571. 571: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I love so many things about BoatGuy, but I’m just not sure he can step up. I feel sad about that because I was really hopeful.

    I haven’t been able to get Mr. Observant out of my head and I feel guilty about that. Mr. Observant is married, going through a divorce, but to me, he’s still married and I wouldn’t go there until he was divorced. Even though, if I wasn’t with BoatGuy, Mr. Observant would be really hard to resist, but I would have to. I think that is part of the reason I built my walls up so high on Sat. because of BoatGuy and wife.

    I do feel like sending Mr. Observant a message though and thanking him for the conversation. He really got into my head and made me think about what am I exactly doing with BoatGuy. He was right, I am hinging everything on what BoatGuy does and not thinking about what I want.

    It amazes me how someone I’ve only really said hello and goodbye to previously could get into my head so quickly.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:02am

  572. 572: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens… Heard from pilot and chemist today. Glad my negative voices weren’t telling me stories last night. I feel that I am growing. But having 5 men on my mind helps…. No obsessing over 1!!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:30am

  573. 573: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso…yay…I feel so excited for you to go on this trip feeling totally feminine :) I love that!!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:35am

  574. 574: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confused about Alaska. He seemed so negative and not very gentlemanly, so I didn’t want to date him anymore. Then he asked what was up, so I told him exactly how I felt/why I didn’t want to go out with him romantically. But then he switched his behavior up entirely and after doing that for a while, he said, “I think I gave you the wrong impression, but I think you’ll see that to be the case after a while anyway.”

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:36am

  575. 575: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise…5 is a GREAT number :) it’s so fun to hear your journey :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:36am

  576. 576: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla what’s confusing? you opened up and he’s responding…..right on the money if you ask me :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:37am

  577. 577: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Jilly!

    I’m so ready to do this!

    The Universe loves me . . .

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:39am

  578. 578: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Sounds like he’s saying “I gave you the wrong impression, but I don’t need to tell you that, you’ll see for yourself”

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:39am

  579. 579: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confused because that first impression (the first time we went out for a few times over a couple of months) was a big red flag!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:41am

  580. 580: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ya Calypso…you’ll be feeling so feminine and goddessy he be won’t be able to help himself lol, he won’t even know what’s going on he’ll be so under your spell :)

    we are sooo powerful we don’t even know it and we don’t even have to DO anything..YUM!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:42am

  581. 581: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #561 Calypso

    Don’t forget to wear a bracelet to remind you that you are a Siren now. :)

    I think Rori recommends a pearl bracelet soft and warm but strong on the inside, and I *think* I have seen somewhere that another Siren has a bracelet with a mermaid charm on or I could be making that up as it’s such a nice idea. :D

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:42am

  582. 582: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla… that is interesting…it is cool to see how he’s responding to you.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:44am

  583. 583: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver, I love the idea of a mermaid charm!

    I want one!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:46am

  584. 584: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca I want one too now lol!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:48am

  585. 585: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh geez… This auto correct is crazy!!! Lol. Thanks silver and jilly!!!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:49am

  586. 586: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    one more thing, CF said a few times “you’ll see that i’m not going anywhere” and stuff like that. so I feel weird trusting Alaska when he says that. but then i was thinking — i have a fabulous life and i’m very independent, so why not just try to trust people by default, no matter what anyone else did to me before?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:49am

  587. 587: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Alaska is thawing…;)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:49am

  588. 588: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Googling mermaid charm atm.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:52am

  589. 589: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla..EXACTLY!! :) you will never abandon yourself…so why not trust people…you will know what feels good :)

    That’s how I feel too…I now have the tools and the practice and knowledge …that I feel safe in my own skin. I don’t need to worry what anyone else is doing or not doing….(not that I don’t still worry but it doesn’t take me over like it used to) :) yay for growing and expanding :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:57am

  590. 590: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks, jilly

    okay, i can do this.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:01am

  591. 591: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    561:

    Thank You for sharing that Calypso.

    I will be going on a 7-day trip with my man in a month.
    I feel good about the idea of buying girly things to wear on the trip to remind me of being in my feminine energy.

    It will be challenging for me bc we are going to the US and he does not speak English very well.
    I speak English just as well as my French native language.
    He has shown interest in learning, so I will help him practice.

    For example, in restaurants, I don’t want to be in masculine energy doing all the speaking and ordering.
    I was thinking of sitting next to him to lookover the menu together and help him practice how to say things.
    Then I would move back accross the table and let him order for us.
    He is not too shy, he does try to speak for himself in English when he has the opportunity.
    He likes to ask me how to say things and repeat them then go say it himself.

    He did say that he’s happy I speak English so well coz he and his ex couldn’t travel very far bc they didn’t speak English at all.
    I will have to be aware of myself and resist the urge to step in and takeover just to make things easier.
    I will need to relax and leave him the chance to practice and learn so he can be all proud to be the man.

    So to remind me of being in my feminine energy, I will be wearing very comfy girly dresses.
    We will be walking alot, so I need comfy shoes. I found some that are not only comfy, but also girly and pretty.

    Thanks again for the idea Calypso :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:05am

  592. 592: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    587:

    Ditto Jilly and Starla!

    I feel so good now that I trust MYSELF.
    I know how to take care of myself now no matter what a man does.
    Trusting myself 1st makes it so much easier for me to trust other people.
    I don’t feel scared to be in a relationship anymore.
    It feels so liberating! :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:13am

  593. 593: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really abandoned. I just got on fb and saw that metincollegeCD is in a relationship now. I feel neglected. Forget guys with gfs, I’m going to romance myself!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:17am

  594. 594: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee…that sounds so fun :)

    This just came to mind…feel free to ignore :)

    even if you did have to order once or twice…there are many feminine ways to do it…

    your tone of voice (huge) soft, warm and melty and feminine vs clear, strong straightforward, …and your whole vibe behind the scenario, your body language (think sexy, feminine)…things like that…

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:17am

  595. 595: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel embarassed because I haven’t even had the need to give the “no boyfriend” speech.

    I feel like so many of my CDs are cowardly, and I feel like it’s because I am cowardly and so I attract cowardly people…

    I feel icky.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:19am

  596. 596: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee @590 yes!!! I love that, couldn’t have said it better!! :)

    I can’t remember what program it’s in but Rori teaches that…that when we trust ourselves we no longer need to trust a man….feels soooooo freeeeeeeeing :)

    But to actually, truly FEEL that way is amazing!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:24am

  597. 597: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((butterfly)))))

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:25am

  598. 598: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    592:

    Thanks Jilly :)

    I will focus on being relaxed and laidback.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:27am

  599. 599: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hello lovely Sirens! So good to catch up on here :)

    Feeling a bit low… had a complicated day at work … well the couple hours I had to work :)

    I’m noticing how much I’ve been complaining since yesterday… it feels so icky and small :(

    I’ve decided… no more thinking about a man and no more letting my NVs get the better of me. It feels so awful and horrible when that happens and my whole body feels tense and anger rises up :(

    Ok, I’m gonna find ways to take care of myself inch by inch…

    (((((Queenbee))))

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:35am

  600. 600: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    (((lamabutterfly)))

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:38am

  601. 601: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel sad and low but at least i know now with time it is bound to get better.
    it feels good not being ‘on the hook’ anymore.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:41am

  602. 602: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Awwww Jilly, you two seem so sweet together! No puking here! :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:53am

  603. 603: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Jilly and Lilibee.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:54am

  604. 604: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sirens,

    Quick one –

    What does it mean on match.com if a guy winks at you? What is the normal procedure of things?

    Thanks.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:55am

  605. 605: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #530-531 – Thank you! Totally resonates with me. And I had been trying to do that between Sunday and 3 am Monday. I was going minute by minute trying to not contact him. I feel like i am that much stronger to not contact him next time around. i will do what you said.

    The way you explain it makes it very real and very doable.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:56am

  606. 606: MelNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Starla))))) You’re doing great! Take comfort in the fact that maybe things had to end in order for you to meet your true one….

    He was there to teach you something. A really BIG stepping stone.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:57am

  607. 607: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee,

    I would normally wink back. Just mirror what they do. :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:58am

  608. 608: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Queenbee

    I hate it when a man winks at me on those dating sites. I think he should say something and not just wink. I usually ignore them.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:01am

  609. 609: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    RE: #497 – “Radlove, I feel your energy shifts are confusing. To be in such a low with Ryan in one conversation and then to use awesome and !!! In the next feels strange, like trying wayyyy to hard. Your highs are so high and lows are so low…. Maybe it would feel better to mostly converse with R from a middle ground place. Where your emotions are more balanced.”

    Nah, what you didn’t see is the string of long, long texts over the week prior to when I initiated. He was initiating nightly, and it was really, really positive. We were even joking about panties, one of his favorite things, LOL!

    So he knows me well, and I am far more balanced and level than what you might know. HE knows. And I said “Awesome!” because I felt so excited that I hadn’t buried the relationship yet again. I mean, I had JUST been praying when his text came thru. I truly felt excited! This man means the world to me.

    I can’t prove this, but I feel sure in my heart that he is in love with me and is using this “friendship only” thing as a bargaining chip, to bring me into alignment slowly, enabling him to pull away when my behavior is out of sync, and to come close when we are in harmony. I will stop trying to convince you all. But I will just say it is now a 4 year friendship and it is unusual for a man to stay in close contact with a woman if he is not romantically interested.

    Just mark my words, and if I end up marrying him, you are all invited. :-)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:01am

  610. 610: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I had an interesting thought today…

    I was reminiscing about something with Mr. A and he totally didn’t remember the ‘event’ that felt so special to me. No biggie. It’s funny too because he wrote to me after this ‘event’ about how special it was for him. LOL And it was special for him… I have no doubt. It’s just that those details have now been st into the wind or something.

    And I got to thinking how perhaps the female brain is sorta wired that way… to remember all the happy little moments and treasure them and bring them back into consciousness whenever we need them.

    And it also illustrated to me just how much guys live in the now. They feel happy about something NOW and revel in it, and move onto the next moment.

    And I wondered if that’s the reason that for a guy things can change on a dime. Because it’s all about the feeling in the present.

    Interesting.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:08am

  611. 611: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    My girlfriend just told me BoatGuy is being a j*erk, no and a-hole and this whole relationship is on his terms when he wants something and he’s playing with your emotions.

    I don’t think he’s an a-hole, but the relationship is more on his terms than on mine, so she is right about that. He is playing with my emotions, but I don’t think he’s intentionally doing it, I feel he doesn’t know how to deal with his.

    Either way, it seems to not even make a difference because it’s not working for me, as much as I want to try and force it to.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:09am

  612. 612: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #530 revisited – I also meant to add that I have long since observed that every time something goes wrong for me with a man, it is my loneliness that gets me in trouble every time.

    So I guess the solution is to keep an awareness of that and contact a girlfriend at those moments, instead of a man.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:10am

  613. 613: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @608 Mel

    Yes, I can remember tons of things & with detail. That’s an interesting thought to ponder. Could be very true!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:12am

  614. 614: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, I am thinking about how well you bounced back from your separation with your ex husband, and trying to remember how you did it. Pointers?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:13am

  615. 615: lkNo Gravatar says:

    good morning ! : )

    i made my own journal blog so i can journal in private : ))) love to me : )

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:14am

  616. 616: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #526 – Thank you so much!!! I LOVE it when you break down my text sessions! It really helps! Then when I am in the same instance again, it comes to my memory and I can shift how I respond.

    I will get closer to pure feeling messages. and be surprised.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:15am

  617. 617: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Mel..thank you :) and I love what you said in @ 608…

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:16am

  618. 618: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @482 blue rose – I usually get really mean like that when I’m not feeling open to relationship. I remember doing it before I was truly over someone.

    Or sometimes, I do it because I’m testing the guy.

    Like, I want to see if he’s strong on the inside. I think it would’ve been kind of hot if the guy had been like, “hey, I’m looking to date, not hire an English teacher.”

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:17am

  619. 619: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee…having been on dating sites for about 5 years lol…

    men send winks all the time as an icebreaker…

    I welcomed them warmly…that is STILL men giving to me. So I either responded with a winkie back or sent a “well…thank you ;)” depending on how I FELT…

    it feels better to me to not have an expectation about how they come towards me…but just to be there and receive warmly…as long as I feel comfortable :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:19am

  620. 620: MelNo Gravatar says:

    @GivingGirl

    Even more funny, is that a few times when these memory lapses have occurred, he’s said “I don’t remember that…Had we had s*x yet at that point?” LOL

    Like s*x with Mel is his frame of reference. We should have a system for classifying ‘events’. “Oh ya honey, that happened “BS” (before sex.)”

    heehee

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:20am

  621. 621: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    HA! Mel..that is seriously funny that he asks if it was before or after you guys had had sex…too cute!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:25am

  622. 622: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    oh, you KNOW i want a mermaid charm too! i almost bought a mermaid necklace off of etsy a couple of weeks ago…

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:29am

  623. 623: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    I went out and got my hair done, something completely different. I took really nice pics of myself and put up a profile on Match.

    I accepted a ton of dates from anyone who seemed at all interesting.

    I kept telling myself that I am the yummy pie and that I don’t need to convince anyone that they want to be with me. Oh… you don’t like blackberry pie? Yeah it can be kinda tart and it can stain your teeth, but people who love blackberry pie, appreciate the tartness and like to make goofy smiles with their blue teeth… so no matter.

    But mostly I just grieved it, and then picked myself up, dusted off my knees and decided to be happy no matter what. With or without a man.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:29am

  624. 624: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    RE: #361 – You said, “RadLove I also believe that “deep” relationship might be part of your self sabotage. Some people prefer easy breezy over deep. Sometimes when you write it I feel a stranglehold choke around my neck like being pulled underwater. The frustration reads like trying too hard. I kinda agree with some of what your friend sad but my insides said “just change the words you use to describe yourself” like having fractured relational skills. Words are powerful and when we change what we say about ourselves it will change people’s perception of us and how they see us.

    “I am a whole human being”.”

    So let me see if I understand you correctly. I hear you saying if I describe myself the way I want to be, and/or in a healthy way, I will be better off than to keep repeating things about myself that are shortcomings from my past – is that right?

    About being on a deep level, I’m not sure I understand what you are trying to convey. I will say that both Ryan and I have agreed that we like relationship on a deep level.

    Just to give you an idea, when we first met at a Christian community center, he sat down next to me, where I was on a computer. He pulled out his little journal out of his back pocket and said, “Hey, tell me what you think of this?” He started reading some of his own quotes about women and sex!

    For example: “The essence of my philosophy on romance is my lady is like the Queen of Sheba, the world’s greatest queen, and I am her love slave, and that includes in the bedroom.

    Every woman is a face of the Goddess. Every woman is a goddess and should be treated and made to feel that way. That which you do unto all women is that which you do unto the Goddess. Treat all women like gold without an ulterior motive purely because you love them, and they will love you.”

    How’s that for “hello, how are you?” LOL! I loved it! I ate it up! After we had gotten to know each other for a few months, we discussed it. I told him that’s kind of inappropriate to go that deeply with a woman upon just meeting her.

    He said, “Did you like it?”

    I laughed, “Yeah, I loved it!”

    He said, “Well maybe I was putting out the bait for the kind of woman I wanted to attract.”

    I laughed and told him he had a good point. So where Ryan is concerned, I love to talk on a deep level with him. :lol:

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:32am

  625. 625: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    473:

    (((SirenAngel))),

    I’m so happy to see you back here! :)
    I missed you.

    You and M look like a team, a real partnership.

    Wow, he mentioned living together. Looks like he’s really ‘with’ you even while he’s got this stressful custody thing going on.
    That feels good to read.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:38am

  626. 626: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Song,

    RE: #620 – I got some ribbon in the arts and crafts department with cartoon pictures of “The Little Mermaid” on it. I cut it into strips to use as bookmarks. It reminds me to be a feminine siren.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:38am

  627. 627: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RadLove, regarding deep I understand but I would experiment with changing that. I say that because I have experienced guys who suggested wanting a deep relationship but ended up poofing after suggesting just relax. Part of the thing with deep discussions is that it often lead to initiating relationship talk. Regarding the comment about putting out the bait – I feel uncomfortable about that. I am wondering if he realizes he has so much control that he could toss something out there and have you turn yourself into a pretzel to be his imaginary ideal woman rather than be yourself. To see if you love him more than you love yourself.

    I have transformed into a more lighthearted fun person preferring to be playful in most relationships rather than and have found that it serves me better. Anyway this is your life and your right to choose what you want in it. I feel a bit silly and explainey as if I want to convince you of something so I want to apologize.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:48am

  628. 628: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    radlove,

    cool. thanks for the idea.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:49am

  629. 629: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 608 It is Mel. Also because we are emotional beings our bodies carve the feelings of our experiences into our cells so we can bring it back to our internal vision easier than men

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:54am

  630. 630: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    625 – I hear ya. I will think about what you said…i want to process it.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:55am

  631. 631: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, what did you do to your hair?
    I am going to sign up for match.com this weekend. For one, because I doubt CF will be there, since it costs $$, and for two, because I want to date guys who can budget a little extra on a dating site.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 10:56am

  632. 632: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla re Alaska and your confusion, I have heard Rori say that when a man rubberbands he could upgrade himself during the period of absence and then come back changed. It is something I have experienced but by then it was too late for the guy.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:01am

  633. 633: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    It is a good thing I deleted the text to CF after I sent it… cuz I feel the urge to want to read my words to him, to pick it all apart and analyze, but nope, i did a clean sweep last night and it’s absolutely impossible to read the text i sent now.

    I feel good about it. I did the right thing and took care of myself how I needed to.

    Now I feel like I am ACTUALLY grieving a real break up, and not like I’m sitting in limbo in some weird fight.

    I have 3 or 4 CDs on the table and a sweet, fulfilling life, so this is all very good.

    And I am really glad I deleted his contact info and emails and texts (in and outgoing) and put his stuff in my house out of view.

    I love me and will never stop taking care of me.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:02am

  634. 634: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm….. Soready is definitely stepping up. We have plans for Saturday, and he asked if i’d go to a concert with him may 12th. I said sure…. I like men who want to plan ahead and book up my time. :) I really want to go clothes shopping! I need some sireny go to outfits for all these dates!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:04am

  635. 635: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @Turquoise #431 – I feel a little sad and jealous in my tummy reading what you wrote. :( I mean, happy for you, and happy that it worked for you. And not so much jealous of the “things” or the fact that you got what you wanted. But just mainly a “jealous” type feeling that you are unafraid and unashamed to want what you want. I do feel ashamed to want this. I feel afraid that what I want is “wrong” and that I am supposed to want or be doing something else.

    Also, I just feel so wrong about myself right now, and I don’t know why. Something doesn’t fit….

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:08am

  636. 636: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m watching ‘The Bachelor’ on CosmoTV and the whole episode is in Las Vegas!

    I feel fascinated to see the romance possibilities in Vegas…and how sireny or unsireny the women will be…what will turn the man on and off.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:10am

  637. 637: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I was on a date with A on Sunday, and I asked him if he remembered if I had my hair straightened or curly on our first date. Not only did he remember, but he remembered how my hair was on every single date we’ve ever had! And he remembered details about dates that I’ve totally forgotten…for example, he mentioned some Thai restaurant. I still don’t remember going to a Thai restaurant…Maybe it was the Burmese place…lol

    He is still not relationship material, though. He wants FWB. Not only that, he wants FWB with “quickies.” If he wanted FWB with *real* sex, that might be enough for me – at least to tide me over while I’m seeing other guys. But a quickie barely gives my body time to get excited, never mind satisfied. He gets off, and I’m just getting started. No thank you!!

    He’s a cute guy, though. A really cute guy, and super nice. He bought me a hair dryer, because he wanted to get me “something useful.” It was really sweet. I just went along and let him get it for me…tehee!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:15am

  638. 638: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel at war. On one hand, I know and feel to my absolute core that I am an amazing woman. But on the other hand, I feel weak and damaged and not good enough. I want the amazing woman to win this war! She is strong. She WILL win! Dang it!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:22am

  639. 639: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lama, maybe your amazing woman could turn to the weaker one and tell her it’s all okay, and ask what she can do to make her feel better? they’re on the same side:)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:25am

  640. 640: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    oo…I like that Starla! Makes me feel hopeful. Thank you! :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:26am

  641. 641: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Queebee – Thank you! That felt nice to read that what I want is sweet and not dark or scary. It makes me feel a little empowered that it might be okay to want what I want. I, too, remember friends – in high school or in college – who used to just talk and obsess about having babies, and they weren’t ashamed to do it. And they were still going ahead and pursuing careers at the same time. They just weren’t afraid to really want that as part of their lives.

    Did I say that only staying home was “feminine”? That certainly wasn’t what I meant. At least not in a limiting way. It is ONE WAY to be feminine. But actually, what I feel is quite the opposite. I feel limited by the belief that women HAVE to be career moguls and breadwinners, and do all these things, AND be the supermom and yada yada. That feels stressful and overwhelming. What feels feminine to me is choosing to focus on what is really important TO YOU. Wanting what you want and doing what makes you happy – THAT is what’s feminine.

    ~~~

    Everyone has always had really high expectations of me. I was always a grade-A student, and I have many interests and talents. When people see how well I do at something, it is hard for me not to get excited and want to respond to that. It is hard for me not to daydream about how successful I could be at any particular career. But I can’t be successful at ALL of them, because there just isn’t enough time!! lol

    Luckily, I do have one good friend, with whom I had dinner recently, who understands some of my plight. She, too, is a multi-talented woman, and has chosen a career that is right for her, after trying several different avenues, and left behind some other talents that are important to her, but not as important as what she is doing.

    Talking to her always feels grounding to me, partly because she is also a sensitive person, and I think in some way identifies with my struggles, even about telling the truth about myself. But she had a different experience growing up – her parents recognized her sensitivity, and allowed her to be who she was. I always felt unseen and largely ignored for my special traits. I always felt that in order to be “accepted” I had to be and do what was expected of me. Because if I didn’t, then I was “invisible.”

    I am so happy for my friend, though, because she was just recently married to a great guy, and it’s been so enlightening to watch their relationship develop. She’s almost 10 years older, too, so she knows what it’s like to be single and watch all her other friends get married. But hopefully it was worth the wait, because what she has just seems absolutely perfect, and she’s not too gooey or saccharine about it either. I hate that! lol. I mean, I kind of admire when people can get into it like that, but I never feel that way, and it’s one of my pet peeves. lol. I’m silly….

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:31am

  642. 642: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like sending this to Mr. Observant.

    Hey Mr. Observant,
    I’ve been contemplating our conversation all week. Thank you for being direct. It turned out to be the kick in the butt I needed. I just felt like acknowledging it.
    See you around sometime,
    GivingGirl

    Do you think, good or bad idea?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:31am

  643. 643: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ Tiffany – It’s nice that he remembers all that.

    I think it should be a rule that guys only interested in FWBs shouldn’t be allowed to remember things like that and act all romantic. It makes us women feel like there is something more. To the point where sometimes it’s hard to tell what they are looking for, especially if they don’t say.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:34am

  644. 644: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly #636 – I so identify with that!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:40am

  645. 645: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    GivingGirl it seems a bit like angry and sarcasm. My sense is that you might not have validated your feelings around the experience.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:44am

  646. 646: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee – That sounds amazing – you will have so many opportunities to look at the menu together and gaze up at him and just smile while he tries to repeat what you have said!

    I bought myself a bracelet – I don’t usually wear a lot of jewelery, so every time I put it on i sort of twist and fidget with it. It is very femenine and it has a little sterling silver plate on it that says, “Dreams come true one choice at a time” – I plan to wear it the entire trip as a constant reminder to me of what I want and how to be just the girl to get it!

    I can’t wait for you to tell us all about your trip! I just found out my company is giving me an Ipad tomorrow morning, so I might be able to post here at some point during the trip afterall – just a quick shout to let you Sirens know how it is going or to get some advice . . . that makes me happy!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:51am

  647. 647: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @Giving girl – I know! lol

    Oddly, it’s not that I think he “wants” something more – just that he’d probably be pretty good at it, if he did! Which makes it even more disappointing that it’s just not even on his radar. He’s already had a wife and family. He loves his son. I guess he just feels complete and would rather not get hitched up with any one person. I, of course, cannot understand that mentality it all, being so monogamously-oriented. But I respect the difference. I just know that, absent even the possibility of that level of relationship, it becomes utterly unexciting for me. There’s nothing there. Nowhere to go. It’s boring!

    I told him I was confused at how I hardly ever hear from him, but then when he’s there, it is so nice and pleasant. That’s when we got into the whole convo about FWB and such…it didn’t really feel bad to say “no thank you.” I wonder if I made too big a deal over the fact that he didn’t “satisfy” me. (He actually thought that he had, but he was mistaken…)

    This is something that I struggle with – I know that guys love to feel that they are pleasing their woman. But how am I supposed to be authentic, and not authentically express when I feel that I need a little bit “more”? And also, when they ARE pleasing me – how can I let them know, without sounding like I am being totally fake and just saying it to stroke their egos? Grah. I feel like it’s just somehow off no matter who I try to say it. Whether I’m telling them they are great, or that it’s not enough, it sounds like I am destroying their manhood. Argh…

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:53am

  648. 648: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Silver moonbeam – Wow! I just saw your post about buying a bracelet right after i posted about the bracelet i bought a couple of weeks ago! I did not know Rori taught about that! i feel so powerful right now!!!

    Tomorrow I have a business meeting in another city before I go to GM’s house and I have saved that trip to buy my final thing for the trip . . . a new bathing suit. yikes . . . I have been working out at the gym and tanning so hopefully the old trying on of the bathing suit will not be too traumatic! lol.

    GM is into girls with a nice rear-end and has a thing for big pockets on jeans, so I bought some Miss Me Jeans and some Miss Me Jean Shorts – he is going to swallow his tong! giggle . . .

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:57am

  649. 649: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @643 Femininewoman

    Are you referring to my message to Mr. Observant? I wasn’t intending on angry and sarcasm at all. I was being sincere. Hmm.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:59am

  650. 650: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @645 Tiffany

    I can relate to this with BoatGuy, although, we aren’t supposed to be FWBs, but it’s feeling more and more like it every day and I don’t want that. It is hard.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:03pm

  651. 651: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Also, Giving girl, I like your email – but maybe you don’t actually have to send it? Sounds like information that might be relevant to you, but not to him. And instead of sending it, you could just experience it. And you probably will see him “around” ;)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:04pm

  652. 652: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    GivingGirl it is void of feeling. Also do you really want HIM to kick you in your butt?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:04pm

  653. 653: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Femininewoman

    Ok, the void of feeling part is probably accurate. I don’t want to lead him on because he’s technically still married, but I did want to thank him. I felt closed off and guarded when we were having that conversation, but I appreciated when he stepped back from hitting on me to say what he did. I have been reliving it all week and it’s helped me to realize things & I’d like to leave the door open a crack. Who knows when his divorce will be finalized, but I think he may have felt like I was rejecting him. If I wasn’t involved with BoatGuy and Mr. Observant wasn’t married, I would have been more receptive.

    Maybe I should just leave it alone like Tiffany said. I will see him at the next party.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:14pm

  654. 654: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Oh & no, I don’t want him to actually kick me in the butt. :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:15pm

  655. 655: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl – 648 Aw :(

    Yeah. That’s always a bummer. At least you’ve got other CDS, it sounds like!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:19pm

  656. 656: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @653 Tiffany

    I tend to focus on one guy. I feel guilty focusing on more than one guy. I think that is something I need to work on and get over. I hear from men all the time that I’m cute or pretty, so I don’t think I would have trouble finding them, I just feel uncomfortable with it.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:24pm

  657. 657: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel scared to make a dating profile because i, of course, have these great pictures that are better than how i always look “in person,” but I noticed the dudes I meet online have the same thing going on with them, so maybe I should just put my best face face forward and not worry so much.

    But I have kinda bad skin and you can’t tell in the pictures!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:36pm

  658. 658: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad and teary today. I keep crying at the drop of a hat. I just feel really “off”

    I had a really unpleasant day yesterday. And I think it’s because there was something that I couldn’t let go of, that I just shouldn’t have ever talked about. But of course, that part of me just wanted to be “right” and it made things into a big mess.

    See, when I got my last paycheck at work, I actually checked the math, and got a different number that I should have been payed, based on my records. First, I talked to one of the managers, but he wasn’t the main one in charge. It was my boss I needed to talk to. But it was also on that same day that I was feeling very constrained and overwhelmed by the work – that they were demanding too much and I was burning out. And their methods I found ungrounding. So I decided to tell them and give my two weeks’ notice.

    Well, my boss called me on Monday and said that she’d already found a replacement for me. So I don’t even have two weeks more of work to fill up my schedule. (I think part of my upset today is just the lack of anything else to do outside the house).

    It just feels mean and passive-aggressive. I think she’s mad that I’ve leaving, and she’s making my life difficult.

    I should have just let the paycheck thing go. But I don’t want to be underpaid!!

    So I decided to talk to her about it, privately. And in the middle of this conversation, she randomly started accusing me of stealing tips!!!!!!

    I could not believe it. I was so flabbergasted and offended. Of course, she must have thought I was telling her she was stupid. I just don’t know how she came up with the number that she paid me, and there was no description of the calculation. I was really just asking the question to get information. Perhaps she was right!!

    But when we went over it, it was clear that there was a discrepancy.

    I think she was just being mean and retaliatory.

    Of course, I could have avoided all of the pain by just not even mentioning it in the first place. I got paid, and I am still going to get paid for the work I did last week. But I guess just one more good reason not to work for these people. Oy.

    She just made me out to be like some kind of criminal, that just feels SOOOO yucky. So yucky and bad that I can’t even describe. I walked out on the conversation at that point. Literally. I had nothing to say, and I walked out and grabbed my stuff and left.

    She came after me, and talked to me, and soothed the situation. But honestly, the damage was done. I have felt soooo bad since then, and just like an awful, awful person. It feels so bad to be accused of something that I didn’t do, and to have my credibility and my integrity questioned by someone who trusted me. this is one of those situations that I find intolerable.

    But I can also see how I created it – by calling into question her calculations and her methods. And she must have been pretty angry.

    I suck at working for people. and I suck at relationships. Because it is so hard for me to let go of “being right.” I always want to be the detective and get to the “right answer.” And when someone else is wrong, I want to let them know it, even if it’s not productive. Ugh.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:40pm

  659. 659: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, re: #608: The female brain *has* to be wired that way, otherwise we’d have one baby total, ever! :-)

    But in all seriousness, what you wrote really resonated with me. All the tender little gestures that mean so much to us and look like good signs are really just expressions of how a man is feeling in *that* moment and may not be indicative of any deeper, longer-lasting connected feelings. And that’s where we start feeling confused if he’s the only one we’re seeing!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:42pm

  660. 660: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Tiffany)))

    Your story feels awful… I would be upset too.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:44pm

  661. 661: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Awe Tiff, what a rotten, stinking thing to have happen. I’d feel in the soup if someone treated me that way.
    I’m sorry my reply didn’t make you feel better about the mo
    Thing, was my intention to let you know you aren’t alone in wanting that :)

    I am certain you will find an even better job. Everything will be ok!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:52pm

  662. 662: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @Giving girl 654 – that’s okay. A “CD” can be a guy that you are not actually dating. Just a way to keep us from getting “hung up” on one guy – even if we are “focused” on him.

    [I just know you mentioned BoatGuy and also ObservantCD. So just wondering how it fits??]

    I think I am a lot like you. I’ve been dating multiple guys at the same time over this past year, though it’s been kind of fluid. Some overlap and one moves in and another drops off. Some periods of nada. Then when it rains, it pours! It feels exciting to go on dates with three or four guys in one weekend.

    But overall, pretty tiring. It’s not really what I want. I’d rather just focus on one person.

    And maybe that’s where I went wrong with VM. I mean, who knows, it could have been a whole bunch of things. But he was really focused on me. I was still open to dating other guys – although I also walked out on a date with one CD during that time. And I though VM was so much better. It’s never a good idea to put a guy on a pedestal!!! lol

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:52pm

  663. 663: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i just told my mom that i had been “fighting” a lot with CD & she was telling me that maybe it would be better for me to find someone more “laid-back” since i am more intense & so is cd.

    i didn’t even feel triggered or threatened, i just said, yes, i hear you, we’ll see… i really love him & i really do want us both to be happy

    i feel excited to see my skills practiced & i love myself & my “short-comings” & i love my “impatience” & my “upset”

    i love my calm, my slow, easy demeanor, my poise

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 12:58pm

  664. 664: lkNo Gravatar says:

    later, i was telling her about an “argument” CD & I had recently & i was laughing about it… & she said, wow it sounds like you can really see the humor in this… & i said, yes i do think it’s pretty funny !

    i do think it’s funny ! we both love each other… we both want the same things…. but for some reason, we keep hearing each other saying different things ! i accept that this may change or not & we may “adapt” to it or not : ) (((Love)))

    but she said that keeping the perspective on the humor is very good & i agree & feel safer & best that way as well : )) i intend to share this when i can : )

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:08pm

  665. 665: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((lk))))))))))

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:12pm

  666. 666: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @660 Tiffany

    That’s my problem, I do put guys on pedestals and I give them more chances than they deserve. My girlfriend just told me I’m too nice. My other friend says BoatGuy doesn’t deserve me.

    So, how it fits? Well, BoatGuy has been my guy since last August. I’ve focused on him and no one else. However, I was never 100% certain I was his girl. This past month has been more bad than good, we basically only saw each other once and the rest was badness and his vacation.

    Mr. Observant was at my party in October, he was eyeing me then, but only said a few things. It’s all in the way he looks at me though, so obvious I have him on a hook and I never did anything to cause that. I guess he just likes what he sees. That was the second time he came to one of my parties. I never invited him, he was a tag-a-long. He was going through bad times so my friends were getting him out and about. Maybe I’m just his fantasy outlet to his bad marriage and divorce.

    Anyways, first time we really interacted was this past weekend & the first time I met him was in 2004. He made it a point to be by me and talk with him practically the whole night. He wanted to know about me. I’m not sure I’ve ever had a guy ask me point blank, what I like to do for fun, what I want for myself, and what I think about him. I really didn’t even know how to respond cause it was so unusual. He’s always been like the strong and silent type, that really caught me off guard that he’s so direct.

    I felt nervous and my walls going up, but I liked it. I liked the way he looked at me and how he didn’t take his eyes off of me. His eyes were just on fire, I can’t even explain accurately. There was definitely instant chemistry though.

    I liked how after he asked if I was dating BoatGuy, he was asking me questions about how I felt and what I wanted to come of it and as he did that he said, this is not me hitting on you. So, he could tell, it wasn’t the right time to pursue me and he backed off and made it about me. I’ve never had that either. Usually, the men keep on trying to get me to change my mind. He really left an impression on me. He made me see, even though I denied it to him, that I’m not focusing on me and what I want.

    But, he’s still married and my girlfriend warned me against him, but I don’t know why. She said he’s a nice guy, but have issues. Heck, so do I. So, I’ll see what the future brings with that, but I do know if he knows I will be somewhere, he will be making sure to be there.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:16pm

  667. 667: MelNo Gravatar says:

    657: @Brandylion,

    Yes… this is true! But there comes a point when we do need to just trust and believe what he says too. He may not remember the little details but he still knows on a grander scale, that he feels happy.

    I also think it’s important to note that this can also work the other way. Turning on a dime means that when we work on ourselves and the relationship “feels” good again, his negative experience can much more easily shift to a happy one.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:23pm

  668. 668: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so turned off by BoatGuy, I don’t even have any urges to contact him. The whole 6 days of no contact thing really didn’t sit well with me at all. I did not like how that made me feel so unwanted and unimportant and forgotten about. And, then, to text me something so stupid and with no substance just pushed me over.

    It’s funny how one meaningless text message can flip a switch from wanting him to contact me, to whatever.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 1:49pm

  669. 669: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sirens ….. I hope everyone is doing well.

    I have been having a rough couple days emotionally. This process of divorce is a rollercoaster of emotions. I feel angry, sad, confused, and relieved all at the same time if that makes any sense.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:04pm

  670. 670: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((((Coco Kisses))))))))))

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:23pm

  671. 671: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel disappointed and frustrated that now I can’t write as much stuff on here because someone from here is reporting back to my guy. :(

    I’d like to be able to process some things here, and tell you all what’s going on for me, and join in the party…. :( *pout*

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:29pm

  672. 672: lkNo Gravatar says:

    woo hoo !

    i am feeling really happy. i just re-wrote my “story” in my mind… of my life & my identity & i feel pleased : )

    i am a writer. i value new experiences, exploration, & connection. the most important thing to me is Community & I Believe that children are the Life of Community & i Believe that children should be Taught the Truth (self-love, self-expression, respect & love for others, respect & love for the Universe).

    i have an “idea” that if my relationship with CD fails, it will be because I was not ready for a Real Relationship – my skills were not “Sharp” enough

    & i love that Belief because i feel Free & Myself in it. i am not afraid that CD is not a Good Man. i know that. i love the idea that i don’t have to “Trust” anyone else if i “Trust” myself : )

    & i Trust myself to grow at my own pace ! & i Trust that I do my best & that i am worthy of Love : )

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:46pm

  673. 673: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    669:

    (((Lucy))),

    How do you feel about changing your name on here? without telling us.
    Would that be enough to make you feel safe?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:46pm

  674. 674: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee, thanks for the hug and the suggestion. I would feel afraid that the spy would figure it out pretty easily if I changed my name.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 2:53pm

  675. 675: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy it seems to me that you trust the guy more than you trust the women who post intimate details about their lives here. I can’t help but wonder why? Or think about blaming.

    Or is it someone who doesn’t post? But then again how do I know he is not reading?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:09pm

  676. 676: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy it seems to me that you trust the guy more than you trust the women who post intimate details about their lives here. I can’t help but wonder why? Or think about blaming.

    Or is it someone who doesn’t post? But then again how do I know he is not reading?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:09pm

  677. 677: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    RE: #625 – “I am wondering if he realizes he has so much control that he could toss something out there and have you turn yourself into a pretzel to be his imaginary ideal woman rather than be yourself. To see if you love him more than you love yourself.”

    That part felt bad to hear, especially about turning myself into a pretzel. I don’t see it that way at all.

    He is on a quest for a good woman, and being a certain kind of man, he is looking for a certain kind of woman. I am the first to say R has a lot of issues. But he has some very high qualities that I admire and have found in no other man.

    I believe the highest purpose for ANY relationship should be to encourage that person to become their best self. I am also the first to say that I myself have a lot of issues. I want to be my best self. As far as R is capable, he has encouraged me to be my best self at every turn. He is inherently flawed, but all in all, I have learned so much from R and thru R, and I really like the things I learned from him.

    I am gradually becoming a better person, not a pretzel and not becoming someone I am not. I am becoming more and more who I am.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:15pm

  678. 678: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I felt sad and forgotten that D didn’t call me today to check on me.
    I felt very sick with a cold when he left last night.
    I had called him at noon to tell him I was home from work coz I was sick.
    He likes it when i let him know to give him a chance to come see me and take care of me.

    I feel loved to be cared for that way.
    But today, I expected him to call to check on me to see how I was doing.

    He called just now at the end of the day and he was p’d that I didn’t call to tell him I stayed home.

    I said “I knew you had alot of work and didn’t want to distract you. I expected you to call me to check up on me.”

    He’ll be here in an hour and I want to rephrase that in a FM.

    Truth is, as much as I want attention, I’m afraid of being a burden.
    I would have felt good for him to check on me to see how I was doing.
    I don’t want to lean forward and feel like I’m having to fish for his attention.

    I’m trying to see how I can say this.

    How about “I love when you give me attention. I’m afraid of being a burden, so I don’t feel comfortable calling to ask. I would have felt good to get a phone call to be checked on.”

    How does that feel to you sirens?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:17pm

  679. 679: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    RE:605, 617 – Thanks Mel, Jilly. I agree. It feels really sweet when they wink. It feels good to me, and the guys are all sooo hot, I’m really proud of myself.

    I like the idea of saying thank you. That would feel good. I love the idea of saying thank you to all of them. They are all really good looking, well established, authentic sounding guys :) It feels kinda fun to write a whole bunch a’ thank yous. Kinda like writing in my gratitude journal but different.

    May the universe please give me some more… :)

    I’m getting ready to pay for it. I feel really excited. There’s no reason I could not do it tmrw, but I’m not one to jump into things… It feels good feeling through it all :) The men are in another country… I remember I believe FW quoted that the brain… ouf… something about the brain and attraction. Yea, well that.

    Feels so easy to attract. Yea, I’m really looking forward.

    My new thing to practice is to STOP THINKING about a particular man. After my yesterday’s thinking and thinking and complaining and thinking small, then the anger rising… I said F-IT, I’m fed up! I’m DONE thinking about a particular man. Why do I need to make myself feel so awful. It just feels awful no matter what. Oh, ick! I’m done. Gonna work on this like crazy and keep reaching for good feeling thoughts.

    Tiffany – thank you for sharing re. the career/ stay at home. I do understand. And yes, it’s going for what makes us happy and living it out to the fullest that truly feminine. God Speed!

    Love to all!

    And another (((((Queenbee)))) you are doing so great! You can do it and you will meet a fantastic man. YAY for you and all the Sirens on Siren Island.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:21pm

  680. 680: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee just to let you know your post suggests you had expectations, maybe it is because of what he asked you to do. Allow him so that when he gives attention there is no sense of obligation on his part or sense of entitlement on your part so that when he does give, you can enjoy the moment.

    ((((((((((LiliBee))))))))))))))

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:35pm

  681. 681: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    579:

    I have a bracelet with a heart on it to remind me to keep my heart open. :-) I bought it after my attempts to become a Siren.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:38pm

  682. 682: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am just a girl here and like every other girl I feel turned off when I don’t get attention and I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think we/you can do to help?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:39pm

  683. 683: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Trying to sto; myself ranting through a text so I’ve come to vent on here..

    Feel confused at the moment..

    Me and my guy are usually textingall day, flirty texts, he says he misses me, wants to know when im down etc..

    but recently if I send him anything other than a straight forward text I arely get a response.. even if I say i miss him, love you or generally anything flirty or nice he doesnt respond or not at all like he did..

    really confused at the moment and hurt.. just trying not to let him know that.. or should I? I want the affectionate texts back xxxx

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:40pm

  684. 684: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy~ Really? A Siren from here wrote your guy? What the h#ll would be gained from that? And if that is what happened (I don’t know all the deets, just what I was told by another Siren yesterday) ..that is not how a Siren would behave.

    WOW…

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:41pm

  685. 685: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I mean hes in work but hes been textn me, weve jus been talking about what time he finishes.. but as soon as i mention im uploading a bit of buble to ipod an it reminds me of him (he used play them all time to me) ta da..no response!

    I feel like im not allowed to be loving anymore.. whats changed :/

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:45pm

  686. 686: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    blue rose – for the life of me – I can’t imagine why you’d be so rude to a man who’s 10 years younger…most of us women would be happy about that. Your inner rage is running you. You say this was a one-time thing, but I’m willing to bet good money you are critical and perhaps even mean and nasty to a lot of people a lot of the time, and aren’t aware you’re doing it. I also think you may be especially angry at all men – and I want to hug you for whatever caused you to feel that way deep down. Sorry to be so harsh – but that’s what I’m here for – the truth as I see it.That’s where your work is. Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:49pm

  687. 687: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    The current article about “not explaining” really helped me to take a decision today. There was a misunderstood at work and it became a drama because of some drama queens and I kind of got in trouble with out trainer because she thought I had a negative attitude (which I absolutely don’t, I feel so happy to have this job). At the end of the day, she asked me to stay for 5 minutes and told me that. I talked to her in feeling message (I feel surprised because I feel so happy and excited to be here and I don’t feel negative at all and it must be a misunderstood, blah blah blah. When I came back home, I cried because I don’t love this job and I don’t want to be in a bad situation because I want to grow up there and reach higher levels and I thought that I could go talk to her tomorrow and explain more about the misunderstood and what might have happen and blah blah. And I remembered that I have read the title of the article but that I haven’t read it so I read it and realised that the best thing to do is probably not to go explain to her tomorrow. She is not stupid, I already told her that it was a misunderstood and I said that I was excited to work there. She knows. No needs to go say more. I’m just gonna look ridiculous. I’m better shout my mouth and stay quiet and low profile.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:52pm

  688. 688: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    I feel the anger melting away. My chest is loosening up.

    I love me
    I am a diamond
    I am worthy of love righ now
    I can have everything I want
    I feel like floating
    I feel buttery soft
    I am a love magnet
    I am opening my heart, arms wide, hands up, lettling light in

    Ok I’m back in the zone

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:53pm

  689. 689: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Slipping Goddess how about just sharing how happy you feel when you get those texts? He might be just busy with his life and just being himself. Maybe a little inspiration and positive reinforcement of a behavior could help him to step up. Though I would gamble that your relationship is more meaningful than a missed text.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:56pm

  690. 690: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    So anyway, besides that, let’s talk about my men…

    Well like I said earlier, they are pretty quiet lately…

    ATW… well I definitely tried a new approach and decided that it’s ok to lean forward a little bit (for now). I called him once or twice and went to show him my car. And this guy who is really hard to step up started to call me and text me! Wow? Maybe some guys just need a little cheering up? Ok nothing is WOW yet, he haven’t really set a date or make formal plans or whatever, but he has talk about this summer and things we could do, etc. I think he is pretty impressed with the happiness that my new job is giving me and he is very inspired too. He asks me a lot of question and when I say I love it, or I feel more free, or I feel I have a future there, he looks at me with big loving eyes. Oh well. So, for now, calling him once in a while is ok. We’ll see what happen with that. And lately, I have think less and less about him as I am super busy with 10 thousands of other things.

    ModelCD… totally poofed. No news for over 3 weeks. He invited me on a event on Facebook, a friends picnic they are doing in a park this weekend. I wrote him a message on FB about this event, he never replied… Ok, whatever, you’re just missing the new happy me boy.

    RamadanCD… Like I briefly wrote this morning, he is suddenly super stepping up. He was texting me once in a while about the new job and asking question about how it went when I quit my old job (he use to work there as well) and everything. And suddenly, on Monday, he started texting and texting and texting, and asking me out, and flirting. He even said on the phone “you know you can text me sometimes”. I just said ok, and I didn’t even had to do it, he texted me before I had the chance to do so. Every night since Monday, he texts me to say good night and we chit chat by text for 1 or 2 hours (!!) about the day, and flirt a little, and he is pretty intense, saying things about what could be “us”, and what I think about “him and me” and stuff like that!! And every morning, I get a “good morning sunshine!” and another small chit chat until I get to work. Ok I say “everyday” and it’s only 3 days, but still. That is way more attention then I got from ANY men since… well… I’m not even sure ATW was like that at the very beginning… I think I didn’t had this since… E ? Which was 5 years ago!!! wow…

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:57pm

  691. 691: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like making love, but not to just anybody. I have been in a virtually sexless marriage for 3 YEARS!!!!!! However making love to me , feels warm, trusitng, stable. I don’t want to make love to just any old guy, I want to share my body with that special deserving one. Please god have mercy on me and help me.

    I think I’m going to start salsa dancing again to let out my sexual energy in a positive way.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:57pm

  692. 692: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    669:

    It makes perfect sense and I especially love how you are honoring yourself through this. Hang in there…it does get better. And I believe for you, it will get better faster than later because you are already doing the work to heal yourself.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 3:58pm

  693. 693: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka I wonder if she gave you the details of her experience why she felt that way about you?

    I am also wondering if you could have thanked her for the feedback and asked if she had any suggestions about how you could turn that around.

    I have to admit I left light and airy and good about the surprise and other feelings you shared with. I believe you did good.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:03pm

  694. 694: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Talking about E, he still has his girl friend (I think?) but he started texting me again. So at least I guess we’ll continue to be friends just like before which feels good to know. But I don’t feel interested in meeting or hanging out with his girlfriend. So I’m staying far.

    Hmm who else? Well, GoldenYouthCD and I had planned to go play bowling but the day he asked me I was already taken (he called me last minute) and he hasn’t ask for another day yet. Whatever. And the car dealer owner just came back from a week of vacation, sent me an email saying that he’ll call me soon so we can meet but hasn’t confirm any plan yet.

    So that’s it. So pretty much, besides RamadanCD, my dating life is pretty quiet like I said.

    But I don’t even have time to think about it. I am so busy. I started to get more serious about my marathon training (no choice, my race is in less than 5 weeks!), I am busy making friends at work. I am already the super star of my training class. Lol. I’m making them all laugh and they all like me a lot I think. I have some crazy attention there. And I organised the happy hour last week and today they all asked me where we’re going this week. I love this feeling. Makes me feel appreciated and important. I received a lot of invitation to go out drinking, go swim at their place, go eat, go everywhere! Yay!

    So that’s pretty much the update on my life.

    :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:05pm

  695. 695: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW –

    “I am also wondering if you could have thanked her for the feedback and asked if she had any suggestions about how you could turn that around.”

    Oh I did! I said “thank you for letting me know. I believe I did nothing wrong but I might have talk to the wrong people and now I know I should not talk about stuff like that with anyone because it can be interpreted in a wrong way and be amplified, now I have learned and I know I will not do that again.”

    I think I did good indeed.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:10pm

  696. 696: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ahh I know what you mean but weve gone over year of nice flirty texts all the time to ..not haha

    I mean how come he can text and ill reply and he’ll text back within minutes if its just been general chit chat but the moment I reply with anything nice he doesnt respnd..

    I know it might sound petty but its just so weird that its changed..

    Do I just ignore it or send a feeling message saying how im feeling about the nice texts we used to send each other.. which I dont get lately and I dont get a response if I send myself..

    :(

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:15pm

  697. 697: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hi!

    I keep getting put in moderation, because I tried to say where i have been the last 3-4 days….i have been popping on and reading your posts….

    i feel so in my body and not thinking about things….it feels empty because it is so empty not to be obsessing about things…..lol
    it feels solid to trust in the highest good for all
    it feels tiring to let go of all the effort
    the last four days have been amazing…
    lots of shifts.
    i feel like a hot bath and early bed…
    gnite sirens

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:17pm

  698. 698: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka with the update about your job I can’t help but wonder if that trainer feels upstaged by you (jealous)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:28pm

  699. 699: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol FW that is possible…

    But while washing the dishes just now, I decided to let go. Ok I might have mistake or not, but I’ll stop thinking about it, and just act the best I can for the rest of the training.

    :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:34pm

  700. 700: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Slippin Goddess could it be because it is masculine energy? I would experiment with stopping it or reducing them to see what he does. If he says anything then I would definitely share how I felt with the experience of getting them and how much I miss them.

    Remember “expectation is the mother of disaster”.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:34pm

  701. 701: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    680:

    Yeah FW, I did have an expectation of him calling to check on me.

    I am aware that I may have sounded like he let me down when I said “I expected you to call”.

    I did call him yesterday to let him know to give him a chance to take care of me…and he did, he drove right over putting me before work.
    I don’t feel comfortable calling every time.
    I don’t want to be a needy clingy burden.

    Writing that, I see that it’s my stuff.
    But at the same time, I want to lean back and be the girl.
    On the other hand, it’s not really leaning forward coz He did ask me to call him and let him know when I was staying home sick.

    Hmmm “I felt special and cared for yesterday. I feel good having your attention. I feel needy to ask for it. I’m afraid of being a burden when I feel that way.”

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:39pm

  702. 702: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I forgot “What do you think we should do?”

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:43pm

  703. 703: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I ended up texting him..
    I deleted three texts as they seemed quite blamey when I read them..

    I just wrote

    miss your deep texts bbe, doesnt feel good keep geting ignored if I send anything nice :( night

    I know its probably not worded correctly but it felt right and not something I would usually send..

    he replied straight away saying he just hates working late and he’d rather be with me.. working lates puts him in a bad mood..

    not sure whether and what to reply.. its not like hes suddenly started working lates..

    anyway, agree on the expectation/disaster thing ..its just so hard sometimes..

    thanks so much for your advice :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:51pm

  704. 704: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizka!

    I just finished catching up on your posts.

    I feel happy to see that things look to be shifting well for you :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:54pm

  705. 705: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee before saying I am afraid of being a burden I would check myself to see how worthy I feel.

    I am having a challenge right now because of all the men who have stepped up to help. I bumbled today after I paid for stuff for one who took the kids to school and took me shopping. I tried to explain how I felt and how next time I will allow him to be the man. lol He is such an understanding sweetheart.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:54pm

  706. 706: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Slippin Goddess I would respond to the rather be with me comment when I see him next. I felt like swooning when I read that.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 4:58pm

  707. 707: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I will do, thanks for your replies :)
    Helps alot
    xx

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:06pm

  708. 708: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    705:

    Oh, you always see right through me FW.

    I was feeling that little twinge of unworthiness hiding behind the fear of being a burden.

    Why don’t I come out and say it? I feel a little ashamed of feeling that way.
    So come up and out you feelings you.
    It feels safe to let them out.
    After all, this man loooves to hear about my feelings.
    He gets so attentive and cuddly when I do.

    Except when the hockey series are on like tonight…I gotta wait for the intermission to feel well received. lol.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:07pm

  709. 709: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – personally, I think that guy is making it all up.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:13pm

  710. 710: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iagree with Daria. I felt blamed by the comment but also felt afraid to acknowledge the feeling on the blog.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:19pm

  711. 711: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so sad. I have cried every day this week. I don’t want to not want to be friends with PriestCD. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. And the idea of feeling indifferent toward him feels awful!

    My best friend pointed out that thinking we could be friends would make sense if we’d known each other in a context other than dating because then we’d have those other experiences to fall back on. She’s sure he’s never going to reach out at all. Come to think of it, he wasn’t sure about remaining Facebook friends with someone he’d only known in a dating situation. If he felt weird about that, what makes me think he’d feel okay with being real-life friends? (NB: he hasn’t unfriended me.)

    I also feel stressed and overwhelmed by work, and that is amplifying these other icky feelings *exponentially*.

    I drive to a local park to do my long runs, and when I finish my route I have to walk back to my car to cool down. It was chilly on Sunday, and when I got back to my car, I felt cold, hungry, tired, and already a little sore. At that to the sad, and I felt so miserable I just got in my car and bawled big gut-wrenching sobs before I could even drive home.

    I got choked up tonight a couple of times while running. Needless to say, not being able to breathe is not conducive to running.

    I feel tired of feeling sad. But that’s what’s there right now, the background to everything else that bubbles up.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:28pm

  712. 712: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh, Im not feeling it with LP anymore and now he wants to spend time with me. I really wish music man would call me instead.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:30pm

  713. 713: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://igniteyourpowerevent.com/whats-your-mission/?setuser=1198

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:32pm

  714. 714: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Slippin Goddess – it sounds like you’ve taken over the masculine role of initiating ‘lovey’ stuff… and it’s turning him off… (good it means he’s staying in masculine energy)

    i would lean back on the cutie texts and just be feminine and RESPOND warmly to him

    use feeling words even if he initiates ‘businessy’ texts. Don’t talk about the relationship, start with feeling words about how you’re feleing int he moment, weather, tea, textures, etc

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:33pm

  715. 715: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    He fears being powerless

    This fear is about him worrying that he cannot influence you, and you are out of control. Being in a relationship with a woman who won’t stop (drinking, spending money, having affairs, etc.) is the primary reason why men are cautious about marriage. Attraction is what makes him want to date you. How much you allow him to influence you is what makes him want to marry you and adore you when you’re his wife. It’s not that you’re going to hurt him…it’s that you could.

    What to do: Don’t focus on trying to be perfect. It’s not only a waste of time; it actually isn’t very attractive beyond a first date. Instead focus on admitting when you’re wrong as soon as possible. If you’re not wrong, then stand by your principles. But don’t be stubborn simply because you don’t want to be told what to do. That quality may make you feel strong, but over time it can make a man end the relationship.

    Bob Grant

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:47pm

  716. 716: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lili :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 5:51pm

  717. 717: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, thanks for the hug.

    I am super angry lately. it’s almost overwhelming. i can’t believe you picked that up, when i didn’t pick it up.

    and i am being a jerk to people i really really care about. and it’s shocking me. it must be because i’m so angry.

    i’m so nice in person, i’ve been told it’s a fault. and it’s probably because i’m stuffing down so much anger it’s coming out in awful ways like being rude to a guy who just wanted to say hi to me online, or making a sudden snarky comment to a person i deeply care for and respect. what the heck.

    not only am i not letting guys in, i’m not letting anyone in. i’m pushing people away. i really didn’t see this until now. i’ve been under a lot of stress lately, but i don’t want to be a jerk to all the people who care about me and are there for me. they shouldn’t have to take my crap, and i’m sure a lot of them will eventually leave me. its sick. when people who care about me and who are trying to be supportive, and i randomly and unexpectely say something awful that even surprises me. i get no pleasure from it.

    thanks for bringing it to my attention.

    love, blue rose

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:03pm

  718. 718: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizka!!!

    For work situation, If I may add my thoughts, I would express in FMs that maybe you feel sad and concerned about this situation and that you are very excited and happy about this new job. And then, I would ask HER ADVICE. She will like for that, I promise!

    xx

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:05pm

  719. 719: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    #618: Iamabutterfly

    Thanks Iamabutterfly. A lot of time I’d like to think I’m just kidding around and a guy should have a sense of humor or clever retort. and that guys love a challenge.

    but i think in this case i was pretty dark, and not flirtatious and open.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:06pm

  720. 720: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I’m a bull in a china shop right now, just barging my way through my life head-on. Some sirens have mentioned lately something about practicing slowness. How do you do that? I need that right now.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:27pm

  721. 721: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    brandylion, you could try a walking meditation, where you walk very very slowly around the perimeter of a room, hands folded. feel every step and muscle as you walk sloooowwwllllyyyy

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 6:45pm

  722. 722: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ah thank you Siren Angel.

    Happy to talk to you. Long time. :)

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:00pm

  723. 723: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I keep feeling uncomfortable with the way this article starts. I don’t want to see Rori talking herself down as the worst. I know it’s a humbling, bonding thing to tell someone, “Ohh I’m only human like you,” but I feel upset seeing Rori dog on herself.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:04pm

  724. 724: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla… I thought that too, for a second, then I thought thank goodness Rori is the way she is, so she can explain all this dating stuff to us!!! :)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:07pm

  725. 725: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I would like to start typing more properly when I blog here and type to friends. I think I feel really afraid of appearing incorrect or stupid, especially since I am supposed to be a grammar expert, so I instead completely disregard all conventions so that it’s “my choice” to be incorrect.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:08pm

  726. 726: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    FW – “Lucy it seems to me that you trust the guy more than you trust the women who
    post intimate details about their lives here.”

    I’m not sure why it seems that way to you. When people tell me something, I choose to believe they are telling me the truth unless I have strong reason to believe otherwise – therefore, I believe him and trust him, and I believe and trust what any of you say to me as well about your own actions and experiences. I am not accusing or blaming anyone. It is what it is.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:11pm

  727. 727: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Blue Rose,

    RE: #480 – Welcome! Whenever anyone starts posting here for the first time, they automatically go into moderation. So it was nothing personal.

    I have done snarky things like that before. Sometimes it feels good to be totally rude to someone who I will never see who cannot ruin my life just to vent anger. But I try to not do that anymore, because I don’t want to intentionally hurt anyone.

    I have really struggled with anger, because I suppressed so much of anger growing up, not understanding at all why I was treated so unfairly and often unkindly.

    I don’t like the angry side of me, so I have worked really hard to heal that. You have come to the perfect place to face off with the anger monkeys in your head!

    While sometimes it is embarrassing, I have found this blog is a safe place to vent. We are not perfect, but this is one of the major sources of my inner healing.

    Feel free to use this as your emotional healing journal, and to really get in touch with the wounded little girl inside and all the anger she’s packing.

    Hugs, Radlove

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:15pm

  728. 728: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I am so fan fricken excited!!!! My sister that passed away was a HUGE Rod Stewart fan, and he’s coming here this summer. My sisters and I are going to the concert, sort of in her honor, but also because we know we’ll feel her with us. I can’t wait!

    So ready asked me to a concert on 5/12 and it sounds really fun, blues rock guitarist. I love live music, makes me feel so energized and alive!!!

    I went shopping tonight and got a few new shirts for upcoming dates. Happy Hour with my 31 year old carpenter on Friday and dinner and a movie with so ready on Saturday. I really like to keep my Sundays for me and my girls.

    C called tonight. Will be home next weekend to visit the girls. Wonder what my vibe will seem like to him? Wonder if I’ll feel the same way when I see him?

    I am hosting a mothers day lunch for my whole family and have a lot of wedding candy to make. May is going to feel so filled with love, family and fun!!!!!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:18pm

  729. 729: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise and Starla,

    I deeply appreciate Rori’s humility. I think it gives us motivation and hope to change when she appears real. Like wow, she really understands, because she has been there. Rori said in the teleclass that she was raped at knifepoint in her own home. I feel so grieved for her, but when I hear things about her past, I love her and respect her all the more!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:18pm

  730. 730: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, that’s interesting to me that you felt uncomfortable with the start of the article — I actually felt very comforted by it! In a BIG way.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:19pm

  731. 731: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am freeeeeee
    freeeeeeeeeee

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:23pm

  732. 732: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Brenda, wonder if Rori would want that on posted on the blog….

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:23pm

  733. 733: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelly, I just saw your comment. I really don’t believe it is anyone who regularly posts on the blog — I can’t believe any of the “sisters” would do that. I’m thinking maybe someone who just reads and doesn’t participate. I have an idea who it might be. :(

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:29pm

  734. 734: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel happy and grateful that I trust and believe my guy — and I feel fairly confident that that is how Rori teaches us to relate to the men in our lives. I feel especially good about it because for a long time after the betrayal in my marriage, I had a hard time trusting any men — and men don’t deserve to not be trusted just because one man let us down. I feel grateful that I have healed that. It almost feels like this is a test of that healing, as several women are encouraging me to not trust/believe him. This may be a wonderful thing to have happen. I feel more open and authentic and vulnerable and loving and trusting than I ever have before.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:37pm

  735. 735: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    #727: Radlove

    thanks for that message. and for the hug :)

    i have a lot of work to do, don’t i? i’m glad i have this place and all the sirens here. i read the blog a lot more than i post on it.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:39pm

  736. 736: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Reading everyone’s replies to me has me feeling all “awwww” cuz we’re all protective of Rori in our own way

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 7:51pm

  737. 737: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel kinda sad because I am thinking that some sirens are unhappy with me for believing my guy.

    I don’t want to feel alienated from other women.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:23pm

  738. 738: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I bought my full fat yogurt and plan to do an upper body masque tomorrow. I can’t wait to see what it does for my skin!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:26pm

  739. 739: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    This sense of freedom feels exhilarating. I feel big and free. Super duper big.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:44pm

  740. 740: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Blue Rose,

    735 – You’re welcome! Yeah, there is a lot of work, but just take it slow and give compassion to your weak parts while you learn in baby steps.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:53pm

  741. 741: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    RE: 737 – It doesn’t matter what other people think. Just live your truth, and everything will work out.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 8:57pm

  742. 742: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Lucy}}},

    Re: #734 – That’s beautiful!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:00pm

  743. 743: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Blue Rose,

    I wonder if I know you?

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:00pm

  744. 744: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel good. I just did something really brave and told my friend, who is constantly sick to their stomach with depression and anxiety and panic attacks and calling me and texting me all the time at all hours of the day, to go talk to a professional. I did it in a loving but matter of fact way, the fact being that I’m not qualified to help them at the level they need it. They’re just getting worse and worse and it’s just constant and really alarming and unhealthy. I feel really grateful to myself and relieved that I was able to find and voice a boundary.

    I trust myself enough now to know if I love someone and am worthy of their love even if I maintain healthy boundaries.

    That’s great:) I’m surprising myself every day.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:03pm

  745. 745: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    turquoise,

    RE: #732 – Hmmm, I hope that wasn’t wrong. I thought since she said it publicly it was ok. I sure don’t mean any harm.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:04pm

  746. 746: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    Re: #728 – I feel happy hearing all your good news!

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:05pm

  747. 747: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I find myself living in old TV series like Little House on the Prairie and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman lately. I need the insulation of the simpler days when things were more pure and just to get away from my every day world.

    I feel kinda overwhelmed. Just limited physical energy and my lower back has had a lot of pain lately. So it’s been hard to do much, and I am on backlog with housework after rearranging 3 rooms to accommodate my Mom’s wheelchair when she was here.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:09pm

  748. 748: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Starla, for feeding me breakfast
    Thank you for manifesting a smoothie for lunch:)
    Thank you for making me dinner
    Thank you for doing some homework
    Thank you for doing my makeup and hair
    Thank you for doing that stuff at work today
    (((((((((Starla))))))))))

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:14pm

  749. 749: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    So many solutions are coming to me easily and effortlessly. It feels neat:)

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:18pm

  750. 750: LynneNo Gravatar says:

    Very nice post. I always believed hat keeping our mouth shut can lesser any trouble. There is always a better way to explain and deliver our message to someone.

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 9:36pm

  751. 751: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love myself

    i feel sad

    :(

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:24pm

  752. 752: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I didnt feel good with neighbor cd today

    i feel all mad

    and some stuff did feel good

    and i feel sad

    (((Daria)))

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:37pm

  753. 753: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel turned off and mad and sad

    And i choose to be ok with feeling this way

    im the prize

    i am feeling guilty… i messed up , how did i, yes i did

    and also i felt bad

    i dont want to feel bad

    i want to feel good

    im feeling sad and mad now

    i feel angry

    i love my anger

    andt hat feels like

    sprakles flashes

    i love my sparkles flashed

    adn ths fels like big breath

    i love my big breath

    and that feels like

    tight inside

    i lovr my tight inside

    and That feels like…

    pressing to bed wishing i gcould press hard hrad hrad

    and i LOVE my rprsssing adn That feels like

    mad

    unworthy

    ouch!

    it felt bad

    he said it was my fault and i started ait and that felt bad

    ouch

    i feel sad

    i feel mad

    i felt SCARED

    i dont wanta to feel taht way awww i felt sad

    waaaaahhhh

    i love my feeligs

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:41pm

  754. 754: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i dont feel good when a guy points out the things he does for me

    i appreciate it when he helps me appreciate and keep an open heart

    i feel angry

    right now

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:50pm

  755. 755: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Turquoise, for the moderation comment – did you want me to publish it?…Rori

    Wednesday, 25 April 2012 @ 11:53pm

  756. 756: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mm meditating and allowing myself to feel and some belief shifting and im feeling much better!

    i am so worth amazing feelings and i dont’ ahve to believe anything tha tfeels bad!

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 1:18am

  757. 757: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm omg i was disrespecting my man and he reacted in a way where i felt put down and i feel bad about myself with what he said and its not true and i feel sada nd a bad and mand and i love me and i feel sad waaaah

    i feel ouchie

    (((((Daria)))))

    .:(

    i didnt realize i was putting him down i was being mean i was just teasing him i was actually trying to be sweet doing it and it IS disreepect / judging to bring out his past failusres

    and ouch

    and ouch

    ok

    LOVE TO ME

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:29am

  758. 758: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry for disrespecting you the other day

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:30am

  759. 759: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG! whein im IN feminine mode, calling a man feels SOO Uncomfrotable…e ven if i said i would…. NO WONDER a feminine woman says she doesnt feel comfortable calling men… i DONT

    im not just sayin it so they’ll respect me, its now the truth!

    i DONT feel comfortable alling men… it feels all icky and uncomfortable, like omg r u still wanting to be on the phone with me??? aack! im not the one being pursued anymore and it feels uncomfy!!! i gotta go! oh you still want ot tlk to me? ok ill stay

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 2:33am

  760. 760: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    #728 Turquoise

    I went seeing Rod Stewart in concert last year!
    He was AMAZING!
    You will LOVE it! :)

    @Daria

    “it sounds like you’ve taken over the masculine role of initiating ‘lovey’ stuff… and it’s turning him off… (good it means he’s staying in masculine energy)

    i would lean back on the cutie texts and just be feminine and RESPOND warmly to him

    use feeling words even if he initiates ‘businessy’ texts. Don’t talk about the relationship, start with feeling words about how you’re feeling in the moment, weather, tea, textures, etc”

    Thankyou, that makes sense of course :)
    What would I do without you all ;) xxx

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:25am

  761. 761: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Just a question..

    Do men not think its a bit strange when you keep saying ‘feel.. feel.. feel’

    I feel this, I feel that, Oh that feels great..

    haha It just feels a bit unnatural sometimes..

    or do you use it in moderation?

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 3:44am

  762. 762: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t use “feel” all the time.

    Only when it’s appropriate.

    Otherwise, it just feels like too much. ;)

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:14am

  763. 763: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Slippin Goddess I find some real masculine will go as far as suggesting that I need to stop feeling so much. BUT they pay very close attention and those are the ones who cherish my feelings the most when push comes to shove. Even in the workplace. The ones who I talk to about my injury try to get me to minimize the details but show in their body language how deeply they feel my pain. The one who took to the doctor this week collapsed on the chair when the bandage was removed and told me tears came to his eyes and that his stomach felt like it was going to fall out. He stood strong and held me while the doctor was in the room working. Afterwards he left twice to go regroup.

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:30am

  764. 764: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Slippin Goddess I look for opportunities to use it as much as possible because I am doing for me. To build my comfort level of putting me out there and taking care of my feelings. When I hear myself it helps me to remember to love myself more.

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 4:38am

  765. 765: Slippin' GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    My horoscope today..

    You are feeling a little lost right now when it comes to love, and this may affect your romantic affairs. You may be seeking some changes in your love life that will lead you in a new direction. You are on the right path if you think a change is in order, but you simply are not clear on how to map out these new directions. In life, we can stop to ask for directions during moments where we are lost, and this may be one of those times for you. Is there someone that may be significant that can help you to sort this out?

    Yes, the sirens on the Rori Raye blog ;)

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:32am

  766. 766: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @761: Slippin’ Goddess

    I’ve been wondering the same thing.

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:43am

  767. 767: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    So far my texts with BoatGuy are:

    4/24/12

    BG: Hi. Its cold here.

    GG: Hi. Yes, it is.

    4/25/12

    BG: Hows the farming coming (meaning all the seeds I bought for my garden)

    GG: Sent picture of all growing plants

    This morning

    BG: Wow humpy back lamas and some chimpanzees. Lol

    That is all folks. I feel very put off, turned off, I don’t know, haven’t seen him since Easter, he didn’t talk to me for 6 days and this is all he has to say? Really?!

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:52am

  768. 768: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    #740: Radlove

    hi hi! i don’t think we know each other, i saw on here what your previous name was, and i didn’t recognize your picture

    i really do relate to your story though. how long you waited before becoming physically intimate (hope i’m not crossing any lines here).

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:53am

  769. 769: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sigh, mornings are the worst.
    It’s all going to get better one day fairly soon, though.
    I will not abandon myself <3.

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:11am

  770. 770: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:13am

  771. 771: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Hi SIrens:

    In response to the article written by Rori – it feels horrible not to explain, or correct or fix. But then, after the initial hand over mouth minute, I’m okay and doing better. I’m fine with not explaining, unless I’m asked :)

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:15am

  772. 772: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I just want instant and permanent relief. But since there’s really no such thing when it comes to heartbreak, I’m taking a keen interest in myself and observing what this full round of suffering feels like and healthy ways I can help myself through it.

    He just poofed after all that time and it’s psychologically difficult to move forward with so many unanswered questions, and I love and forgive myself for that. Even if the nature of the situation puts me on a bit of an internal thought/question loop, I am still loveable and worthy of moving forward.

    MyGuy also kinda poofed, said he needed space/a break (to my face, though!) but then a few days later he unfriended me from facebook without a word and didn’t talk to me for about 6 weeks. He came back full on, wanting to make things work. But I survived that, and I remember having the same internal loop of unanswered questions like “WTF?!” and being unable to ask them because I honored his request for space.

    But I did start dating CF pretty quickly after that, and he felt so right to me, that it was like instant, permanent relief. Funny how what brought me out of that pain ended up the same exact way. Hmmm. I hear you, universe, I still have lessons to learn and things to do;).

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:24am

  773. 773: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    So I am wrapping up my third week of taking care of myself. My CD rotation still needs to be revamped in my opinion. I’m not feeling like anyone is “the one” at this point, and I’m tired of not feeling how I want to feel. So one more week of “me only” time, and then I put my profile back up and get back out there for new recruits!

    My siren experiences have come full circle now. I see some things I could have done differently, but it’s all a learning experience and I’m still enjoying myself along the way.

    Looking forward to spreading my wings in the winds of better days ahead as I prepare to emerge from my cocoon in a week or so.

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:24am

  774. 774: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    It only makes sense that if I am destined for a full, safe, open, beautiful, life long romantic relationship, that I have more work to do on myself before I get there. *Because* I am worthy of such a thing, the universe provides me everything I need to truly get there emotionally. That feels like a beautiful thought.

    I am envisioning myself minus some insecurities
    I am envisioning myself fully able to trust
    I am envisioning myself acting freely like a rockstar, but never overfunctioning.
    Getting all my chores and homework and hobbies done, even if I’m feeling off balance about a guy.
    Getting all that stuff done even if I’m feeling ecstatic about a guy and all feels right in the world.
    I am envisioning myself sexually open and free.
    I am envisioning myself unafraid and fulfilled and warm.

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:35am

  775. 775: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    *Because* I am worthy of such a thing, the universe provides me everything I need to truly get there emotionally. That feels like a beautiful thought.

    Starla, that’s beautiful!

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:38am

  776. 776: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to put any bandaids on this one. I just want to really feel all the stages of losing someone romantically that I really didn’t want to lose, and create new habits in my life that will carry me through any relationship or breakup. I feel open to dating every once in a while, but I don’t want to jump into full-on CDing yet like making an online profile and trying to meet as many men as possible for dating. That’s not what my boy energy needs to be focusing on right now, especially when without actively trying to attract men, they always seem to appear anyway.

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:41am

  777. 777: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I was worried and self conscious about still processing very much this stuff with CF, since it’s been 3 weeks. But there were so many loose ends hanging there, I don’t feel bad anymore for wondering WTF happened and feeling awful about it. But then I gave myself permission to move forward, even if he has gone dead silent, and probably in another 3 weeks, I’ll be feeling just fine:).

    And I will never abandon myself <3.

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 6:46am

  778. 778: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    hi sirens!

    Today I’m feeling a total mess. Like I’m not ready to deal with the life that’s coming on my way.

    NewZealandCD, with who I’m only in a online chat-relationship up to now, is asking me to go to see him. He would buy me the tickets to go & I could stay with him. As it’s really to go to the opposite part of the World, it would be few weeks minimum, maybe even over a month. I have said it would feel better for him to go to me, but he could not get away from the job until next autumn at least, while I’m kind of free after finishing my studies within a month. I have really started to like this guy, a lot (while I’m also CDing other guys in my town, but no special attraction to anyone these days).

    Other thing is, my ex M is coming to visit me for a week. Starting tomorrow. And I’m kind of freaked out about it. I was waiting him to come so long, although right now I feel I don’t care anymore. (We are in different countries right now, after our break-up last summer we have seen us once in February, and everything is still unresolved). I feel I might accept getting back with him out of loneliness and fear. Or maybe I still do love him a bit. But I feel I don’t know what love is anymore.

    I don’t know how to deal with this.

    What should I do?! I really want to go To New Zealand. But I’m also afraid how it would turn out.
    And I’d like to come to a solution with my ex which wouldn’t hurt anyone more it already has (our relationship ended as I was with somebody else, he’s still feeling hurt because of it.)

    I would be grateful for any input from a fellow siren!

    Thank you so much…

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 7:08am

  779. 779: JanNo Gravatar says:

    To Radlove:

    Thanks for the supportive comment on the other thread, and redirecting me to this one. I really appreciate it!
    Jan

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 8:54am

  780. 780: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I admire you so much right now… I feel so inspired by your courage. <3

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 10:38am

  781. 781: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Turqouise – “I bought my full fat yogurt and plan to do an upper body masque tomorrow. I can’t wait to see what it does for my skin!”

    Yay!!! Some more tips – I found that the European style is thicker so easier to work with. I haven’t tried Greek style, but I imagine this would work very well too. I use either the regular more drippy one or European.

    Also, and Lilybelly please take heed, that though you can use it far past the expiration date, it will go bad before the green stuff grows. You will smell the difference.

    I keep it on for around twenty minutes, at least ten.

    And you don’t need to use any cleanser after. Just rinse off and moisturize as usual.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:38am

  782. 782: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    No Rori, you don’t need to publish it. Thanks for asking me! :)

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 11:40am

  783. 783: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jan,

    RE: #779 – You’re welcome!

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:45pm

  784. 784: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Blue Rose,

    RE: #768 – No, feel free to say whatever you want. I am pretty open on here! Sometimes get myself in trouble, LOL!

    I was hoping you were a friend who I have recommended this to. She is crazy about blue roses, and she could so benefit from this website.

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 12:47pm

  785. 785: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    My boss is in a 5 year relationship, with a married man, everytime i see them together it triggers a lot of anger in me….then on top of that, she still sleeps with other men, her dysfunctional relationships make me feel disgusted and not want to be at work simetimes. While i am going through my own healing orocess, it just feels nasty to witness someone livibg in an eomtional cess pool

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:50pm

  786. 786: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    Last night i cried so hard, like someone died, it felt healing and cleansing to release all of the anger and hurt….im finding it easier to cry, and im happy of this. Today i cried in frint of one of my clients, who knows me fairly well’ she asked me how i was doing and i said fair….im learning not to lie about how im feeling, even some one simply asks how are u doing. At first i felt a little bad cryung in front of her, but i realize that momments like that allow me to be vulnerable…….so i allowed myself to be vulnerable…it felt good to recieve her loving words and great big hug

    Thursday, 26 April 2012 @ 5:58pm

  787. 787: StrangerNo Gravatar says:

    Hey there,

    Just wanted to write somewhere and connect with people while I am actually wanting to write an email to my long distance boyfriend and “get something FROM” him..

    Ever notice how shitty it feels and it never works out to be “hoping” he will start doing the things you want from him? Or you do things so that maybe he will give back in return? I hate how powerless I feel about it.

    And, then I resent it and feel disgusted with myself, as if I was cheap and not worth it.

    What to do??

    Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 2:10pm

  788. 788: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Stranger,

    I can relate!

    Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 6:03pm

  789. 789: StrangerNo Gravatar says:

    :)

    Yeah? Wow. That’s nice to hear, actually (not that I am happy you know what I mean….)

    I feel like I need to find more positive ways of feeding my inner self than just by posturing for his elusive/empty affection.

    Maybe connecting more with other people could be a way!

    Friday, 27 April 2012 @ 6:12pm

  790. 790: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I have been off-blog and taking care of myself for the last week or so, so haven’t been able to check in here, much, but I just saw all the nice hugs and responses from my story with my boss. Thank you!!

    ((sirens))

    Also, Lucy – I cannot imagine who on the blog would be “reporting” back to your guy?? Did he hire a mole to get on the blog? Who here knows your guy?

    GivingGirl – Thanks for explaining your “sitch.” ;) Like your friend, who warned you about ObservantCD, I, too, am getting kind of an “off” vibe about him. It probably feels Reeealllly nice to get that kind of focus and attention from him (ESPECIALLY if you are not getting it from BoatGuy). But I would Watch Out for that, because it seems predatory – at least from where I’m sitting. And I would be wary of anyone with whom you feel that strong, overpowering “chemistry,” because that can distract from and mask your better intuition about what’s best for you. What I’m trying to say is, he sounds like good “practice.” He sounds like a *perfect* CD to have while you are feeling frustrated with BoatGuy, and in fact, you could find others like him! Well, not exactly like him. You could be open to flirting and talking to MANY guys, and find out that LOTS of them are interested in what you do for fun and what makes you happy. Guy LOVE to know that stuff about a woman. And you can hear it from all types of guys. It feels great! Meanwhile – who knows? Either BoatGuy will step up and really be “your guy.” Or somewhere along the line, you will meet someone who really *will* be your guy.

    Meanwhile, I would not put too much stock in a married man. This guy (Observant) sounds like the kind of man you can practice with and enjoy yourself around, but keep your boundaries. He may not be “relationship” material. But you can still have fun! Enjoy talking. He, too, is not the *only* guy out there. Good stuff! I hope that doesn’t sound too preachy….just giving my two or three cents….

    Meanwhile, I know you are all on a more recent post. So I’ll go find you and do more updates there!!

    xoxo Tiffany

    Sunday, 29 April 2012 @ 10:45pm

  791. 791: VictoriaNo Gravatar says:

    I recently met a gut we hit it off great he was whisking me away into his world asked me like a man if I wanted to be his girlfriend I was so shocked I said yes.He made “plans right down to the burial lots”his words.when he called and said things had fell through I pulled back and suggested right away that he go back on the site and keep looking…He said no…wait.I’m not trying to leave.He went through a break up he was happy for it just rendered him homeless and the house he was suppose to get the people back out.And yes dumb me has been reasureing him that I was the women for him he calls less because bumb bell (me) keeps telling him things will work out I’m here for him.He did txt me and tell he needed the positive feed back.So I’ve been still txting…Really like this guy he has excepted me with my past and everything elce no job,no car,a friggen mess.Still looking for oh ya plus I live with my Mother and I’m broke by evert sence of the word…We are both in a bad season of our lives.Wish I could get your book and Christian book and I’m stuck I want to please him.I stillwant to txt him I never call.He calls me he seems distant but told me yesterday he was out of sorts,he’s been Meloncoly because of his situation.I want these books so I don’t loose this man by doing the wronge things…Do I stop txting and let him come to me…I know how to please him…but I have been really reassuring him of these things.i’ve asked for reasurance from him yesterday.I asked am I still your girlfriend??Bad move???He said nothing has changed has a lot on his mind.This is a long distance relationship wich he does not like he has told me he has ended other relationships because of this my hand are tied.I only have my words now even those may wreck it WOW!!!If you could find it your heart to help please do.As soon as I can I’m getting these books jobs are hard to find with my background I’am not my past!!!Will I loose him????

    Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:05pm

  792. 792: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Victoria – forget about any man, and focus on getting YOURSELF back on your financial feet! Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:10am

  793. 793: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    feels awful when I do that as I don’t want to stop them getting hurt or help them reach that point of understanding.
    To do or say nothing when I know what they are doing will cause them pain or worse feels wrong for me in some circumstances. It sometimes now feels best to express how I feel and what worked for me. But to say nothing feels awful

    Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:47pm

  794. 794: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Want to stop*

    Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:48pm

  795. 795: AnnNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,

    The man ve been dating for 3 months decided that he wanted to break up with me. He mentioned that I wa gone most of the time and it sounded like he felt neglected.

    After I did your reconnect program I sent him genuine feeling messages. He asked to meet face to face and I opened up asking him how he would like o go about it. That was two days ago. Not a word from him. I’m numb. I don’t understand and I’m wondering I I leaned back too far. I said, It would feel lovely to met face to face and then asked how he would like o go about it? Should I write him to follow up? I feel stumped. Am I wasting my time? I care about him and for the first time I really would like to work things out instead of running through the door. have always had difficulties being vulnerable and now I am ready to walk with an open heart. Please advice

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:14am

  796. 796: MariaNo Gravatar says:

    dear Rori-I have problem with this.I try to get on track and I am proud of what I have done lately, but still when I am really angry I explode,forget everything and say the wrong things.Though,it doesn’t happen at all as often as before.But still,it is a problem for me,I want to follow your advice,use feeling messages and all but HOW do I really get it into every situation,not suddenly forget to be in the feeling messages?It feels so hopeless sometimes.Working with myself,but cannot really get it right…

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 12:47am

  797. 797: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Maria – It takes time and a little patience. Old patterns don’t usually change completely overnight.

    Try this the next time you find yourself in such a situation. When you feel explosive words forming on your lips, take a few deep breaths. Try to compose your thoughts. (silence while you are doing this is okay, great even). If you have trouble coming up with a good non blaming feeling message, say instead, “I just don’t know what to say. I don’t want to say something I really don’t want to say. I don’t want to say something which feels bad. And I don’t want to feel badly with you.”

    That’s all you really need.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 17 May 2012 @ 5:11am

  798. 798: AngieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi All,

    Ann – I feel your pain.

    I had been in a relationship for about 4 months, but it was during a very hard semester (I’m in graduate school). We were GREAT to start…we both thought…hey..this is it! I told him my semester was going to be super hard, and he said he would hang on…but I think it ended up just being too much. I know he was feeling neglected. I just kept telling him…wait, once the semester is over…things will change. It ended about a month ago…RIGHT BEFORE MY SEMESTER ENDED! We were even supposed to move in together. He started coming around a couple weeks ago…and we started getting close again…

    Recently, though…one of his Ex’s came into the picture and he has blamed me for sharing something with her. I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. He lashed out at me…and told me he should have listened to himself the first time and dropped me because I’m toxic. I KNOW this isn’t the case. I think the relationship may have been toxic, due to Ex issues and my schooling, but I know I’M not toxic. He sees his Ex’s at work AND in his after work activities (although, these activities are his business – so more work, really). I was friendly with the lady in question, and all I did was apologize to her for the way I treated her when she flipped out about us being together. She made life so stressful…

    One night last week…within 3 hours, he went from being sweet and caring to booting me out of his life completely. I was supposed to see him Friday! He said the only explanation he could see for how she knew certain things was that I told her. I really didn’t…and I don’t know how to convince him otherwise. I don’t know if I can…

    I think this hurts so much because I was trying so hard to be good, and be a better person…and be there for him. And in a matter of hours it was destroyed by this one girl.

    I feel like I can’t even be mad at her…because she told him I didn’t say anything, and that she figured things out on her own. Of course, she said this POST talking to him about certain things…which allowed him to I suppose make the assumption about what happened…I don’t know.

    I seriously don’t know what to do. I have been texting him…and doing the explaining thing…I haven’t gotten a response. I haven’t heard from him in 5 days since he kicked me out.

    I don’t know what to do. I have listened to “Reconnect” and “Relationship Blueprint”, the latter MULTIPLE times..over and over. I’m afraid if I stop moving towards him, at this point, I will completely lose him. He’s ignoring me though…he didn’t ignore me quite like this before.

    Please…help me. I’m so crushed. I love him so very much.

    Sunday, 20 May 2012 @ 6:03pm

  799. 799: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Angie – get away from this man. Unfriend him on facebook, get away from him, no calls, texts….he’s a loose cannon, dangerous to you on social media. Get away. Love, Rori

    Sunday, 20 May 2012 @ 7:51pm

  800. 800: AngieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori, thanks for your reply. I feel like the loose cannon though. I tried to talk to a friend of his, before the most recent incident…and THAT did not go over well. HE unfriended me on facebook. He said he was nervous I was going to ruin his business…which is a little ridiculous except that he just didn’t want his lies exposed (which there is no way I would have). I just haven’t felt in control at all. I know you are probably very busy…but I’ve been struggling with this EXTENSIVELY. Please…any more you can give…

    He was SO amazing…flowers, dinner, gifts, a promise ring…

    I also feel like he was really trying to change. So, what I left out previously was that this “Ex” was actually a girl he cheated on his previous gf with…I probably should have run in the other direction when I learned about this….I think he actually wanted to throw me into the mix…I just said no, and that’s when he pursued me. In the business he has…this would get him in a lot of trouble if people knew. He teaches martial arts, and relationships etc are judged in his organization. I think he was afraid I would expose him…and I think he thinks I “exposed” him to this girl.

    He started getting nervous at the end of our relationship…not trusting of me. Projecting maybe? He was concerned about on of my friends (who was an ex but more a friend – the relationship was very short lived and my ex is SUPER respectful). I am also a dancer, and have a regular dance partner, which he didn’t seem to like. He questioned my interactions even with my best friend…who is a friend of his! I don’t know…I feel like I keep blaming myself…for neglecting him…he said I put him on a shelf for three months (because of school)..I don’t know if I just can’t see…? He really did treat me like a princess…but he needed me by his side…and that’s when we started REALLY fighting. I didn’t have time to do my work and give him all the attention he wanted. If I didn’t stay with him each night I felt sad and guilty.

    I guess I just feel terrible. I have never felt so terrible about myself or about a situation. I have never felt so insecure. I HAVE been chasing.

    Is there more to this? Am I the problem? Or is he someone I really need to stay away from…even if I love him and would do anything…? I think I have a type of man….and it might not be very healthy for me…

    Thank you so much…so much.

    Hurting a ton,
    Angie

    Sunday, 20 May 2012 @ 8:23pm

  801. 801: AngieNo Gravatar says:

    When I think more…I should also say that my life made him nervous. He never went to college….and I don’t think he understood my life. He was nervous about me meeting high powered people all the time…and though I belonged with some doctor or another graduate student. Also, at one point, he said to me that he felt I was the guy in the relationship, and he was the woman…

    After listening to your CDs, I see how he might have felt…especially given that comment. I think he wanted me to need him…but while in school…i might have been a bit cactus-like or CEO like. I was just trying to keep it together…and it came off as cold. He wanted affection. So maybe he was just feeling really insecure? At one point he said he thought I was too good for him and would end up leaving him (I felt the same about him). At another he told me “couch time” with me was terrible (I often had to be doing homework). Maybe I just needed better boundaries…and to say no to being over there AND doing work? Then stay home sometimes even though it made us both feel bad, to get stuff done?

    I’m so confused.

    I guess I just can’t believe he is bad. Maybe it was timing? Maybe he needed more time to let go of his past relationships…which he jumped out of to be with me? He cheated on his ex for a year…but said he would never do that with me..

    Please, again, just a little more guidance. Should I still be running? It’s really not me?

    I just want to explain things away to him. Show him how things should have been and could be better…and thus, the chasing..but he seems to be ignoring me, in any case…

    Sunday, 20 May 2012 @ 8:39pm

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