Whip It – Be Your Own Hero

Okay – I’m ga-ga over the moon for this film. I want Drew Barrymore to direct every single film out there – (especially the last “Twilight” ) – and can’t imagine why she’s not being offered every script there is…

What’s so great?

For me – acting – so complex, subtle, and all-of-a-piece that I KNOW it was Drew making it that way. She cast Daniel Stern, known for bug-eyed over-the-top work, and got a measured, natural, deep performance from him matching Marcia Gay Harden’s best work ever that put her in the Meryl Streep league for me.

And – the sisterhood aspect, and the love interest where Ellen Page shows you how it’s done.

A client of mine got the strength and moxy she needed to detach from a fellow who wasn’t doing the job – even though she really, really liked him – from a scene where Ellen Page’s character totally steps up to take care of herself (without so much as UPSET because she SO knows who she is, what she wants and what she deserves! ).

Rent it…give a party for your girlfriends and watch it. Made me want to rollerskate around a ring and push people around.

Even the “mano-a-mano” at the end was a totally on-the-level, fair-and-square demonstration of the theme of the film – DO WHAT YOU LOVE, and hang with people who love you.

Instead of making the girls out like “mean, catty” girls you see everywhere else in film and the culture (“Bride Wars” anyone?), Drew made them out like elite athletes – (the way we’ve been taught to think that men compete) – where they RESPECT one another, and LIKE each other BECAUSE they are BOTH GOOD!!!

Yeah, one wins, and so what…..!

The whole thing revolves around loving what you do, and having so much fun…a great, great attitude…

Love, Rori

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175 Comments to “Whip It – Be Your Own Hero”

  1. 1: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, you know I also LOVE Drew Barrymore? Always have. I feel like she has that feelings alignment that you coash about. Maybe that’s why I was always drawn to the way she acts and makes movies. I have not seen “Whip It” yet but have been wanting to. I feel really triggered negatively when people speak unkindly of her.

    You know in the past posts when I spoke about how my “sexuality” opened up in the last year and a half, I really feel it had to do with how I finally just stepped out to be “my own hero” as you say on the headline of this post.

    Wednesday, 21 April 2010 @ 7:13pm

  2. 2: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Rori I forgot to ask, would you be able to be a bit more specific as to what you mean by “be your own hero” as it pertains to this film? Or is that not doable without spoiling it? Thank you. :)

    Wednesday, 21 April 2010 @ 7:46pm

  3. 3: softyNo Gravatar says:

    bride wars eew.. esspecially when they were fighting on that wedding day lol. but I am proud of Anne followed her heart in the end and found her soulmate

    Wednesday, 21 April 2010 @ 8:20pm

  4. 4: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i like this movie so far…i started watching it in parts online. if you haven’t seen Ghost World with scarlett johanson and thora birch, you gotta see it. i love the treatment of the young female protagonists. steve buscemi’s in it. hehe.

    Wednesday, 21 April 2010 @ 11:07pm

  5. 5: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling calm and centered. im feeling sad. i love my feelings.

    deep and calm. tempest midway.

    i would like: my period.
    a relaxing and supportive place to live.
    a pull to take business steps — accck turns around on one heel and fastwalks the other way

    complete healing of my entire urinary tract

    the ability to heal myself and others

    easy way to make enough money for me to feel satisified

    always working eft

    men with cars

    my papi with a car

    ouch i felt guilty in between those!

    i love my feelings

    feeling of safety around my parents health

    did i mention blood out my cervix regularly?

    thank u

    awesome feeling sex pleasure like my first time stuff and like the times w transformer man and some of the papi nani times with guywhohadababy and also with freakedmeoutweirdlasttime guy

    more love for my feelings

    i love my defensive feelings

    loose and healthy feeling body

    ability to rest whenever wherever and wake up whenever wherever feeling HEALTHY

    and joyful

    knowing “i did it”

    safety

    i feel sad

    tahnk u

    Wednesday, 21 April 2010 @ 11:47pm

  6. 6: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oooh. im gonna try a parsley pessary. i feel excited.

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 12:29am

  7. 7: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going to rent this over the weekend. Thanks!

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 10:01am

  8. 8: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    I just don’t know
    I had my first date since being single. By all accepted standards of society it went well.
    He was late to coffee due to a mishap at work but made up for it by taking me out to a high end french restaurant, insisting on paying and insisting that I order steak if I so chose ( I did)
    He leaned forward the whole night. He understood everything I said. He heard me when i talked. He asked questions. He told me he thought I was amazing like three times.
    He said he had the best time he’s had in a long time. He wants to see me again.
    All day today I have had low level anxiety. I was so tense at the end of dinner last night that my back ached.
    I had a nice time …. the food was good. Really really good.
    He’s an interesting man.
    What the problem is? I don’t know.
    Any of you godessess have and ideas?

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 10:20am

  9. 9: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer: Girl, I feel whatcha sayin’! It’s the re-wiring of our brain. When I’m on a date, every part of me wants to say “No. Not this guy. He’s boring. He’s XYZ. These are the reasons I shouldn’t date him. Blah, blah, blah.” My brain likes it when I’m getting treated badly. I understand when that’s happening. So my brain revolts when it’s a good guy. I just keep trying to stay in the moment. In your case, maybe you could say “I feel tense”. How knows what he might say. He might ask you why. and you could say “I don’t know, but I feel better having said it outloud.” or “i don’t know but I feel embarrassed having said it outloud”. And you just keep going.

    BTW, I feel soooo excited to read you went on a date! Just this week I was wondering where you had been!

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 10:45am

  10. 10: TaraNo Gravatar says:

    Can’t wait to see this movie after finals are over next week!
    I’m still working on that list from Rori’s last blog — the one about things I’m accepting now that don’t feel good, how I’ve been handling it, and new ways to handle it that could shake things up.

    S has been throwing few-to-no crumbs my way recently. I’ve been so busy and stressed that I haven’t given much thought to it, except to respond to his half-hearted, occasional inquiries with too many texts telling him when I can meet him. Of course, once I do, he always says that’s exactly when he’s booked.

    I’ve been putting up with this and it doesn’t feel good. It would feel good to just text him and say, “Look, I don’t want to keep trying to set up all our meetings. It feels awkward. I’d like it better if YOU ask ME for a time when you think you’ll be available.”

    Any feedback on that message?

    I’m confused because S acts like he is shutting down the relationship, but still calls sporadically and says “I love you.” I can’t figure out what is up with him, and I’m tired of trying.

    I don’t feel open to him. I’m angry at him and I don’t trust him.

    I want to change MY energy in this relationship. I don’t like feeling angry and cynical about him. I don’t like feeling those things in any relationship. Even if S is just practice, I want to be able to use it to shift my feelings.

    I do CD and feel great, but it seems like every time I interact with S (which is pretty much only via text the last couple months), I LOSE that rock-star attitude and promptly revert to my former self that wants to keep him. I return to diva mode, but by then I’ve already done or said something I didn’t like and feel bad about it.

    I had a great time last Sat. with J, but he hasn’t called back.

    I want to just stop texting S for about two weeks and see what he does (if anything), but that feels like withdrawing and punishing him, or just cutting ties and walking away. It doesn’t feel open and receptive.

    Any ideas?

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 12:30pm

  11. 11: SherryNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer – I too have started dating again and you described how I feel perfectly! Maybe I was expecting bells and whistles?!! What I’ve gotten is mostly boredom and turn-off. I hope Shannon is right and it is just the re-wiring of the brain. I know the one guy I am most excited to meet is the only one who has not stepped up. I feel that may be the reason I am attracted to him… and that makes me feel like I am less than intelligent!

    As Rori always says… baby steps! I feel happy and excited for you that you have went on your first date!

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 1:05pm

  12. 12: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Drew Barrymore is my absolute favorite actor, and she has been ever since 1999, when “Ever After” came out, which is my all-time favorite movie! Then when I saw her in “Never Been Kissed”, it was a deep therapy session for me, and I cried repeatedly thru it (good thing I was watching it with my Mom, the very person who had comforted me thru all those painful high school years!). I haven’t seen Whip It yet, but I just decided I’m going to buy it and watch it this weekend! So thanks for turning me onto it, Rori, and you steered me right in turning me on to the Twilight series, too, which is more therapy! I love the theme of unconditional love in Twilight.

    Tara, I’m a wounded puppy at present, so I’m hardly one to be helpful very much. However, I will comment cuz I’m in a similar situation. Ryan was with me almost every day for about 6 months last year. He hurt me worse than anyone ever hurt me by fabricating leading up to a proposal, then dropping me coldly just as my love, joy, hopes, and dreams were at their height.

    Since November, he’s occasionally texted me, but he told me to avoid him until he himself finds healing. He knows he did wrong and at least he’s working on his issues. But now it’s April, and 5 months of texting is feeling icky.

    I decided that when he texts me again, I’m going to be real bland and just not carry on a text relationship. Depending on how he responds, I’ll either tell him outright or let him figure it out that I only want a friendship with a live person.

    I know if I were following Rori’s advice on Toxic Men I’d have long since told him to beat it and don’t look back. But I guess I’m too loving for my own good, and admittedly a relationship addict.

    You goddesses are wonderful, and I’m so happy I’ve joined your blog site! Rori, I love you! Thank you for “being there” in all your CDs as I have walked baby steps at age 46 to finally start to figure out how to relate to the male species. :-)

    Brenda

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 2:08pm

  13. 13: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling excited to have another new film on my list. Drew Barrymore rocks :)

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 2:30pm

  14. 14: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    oops forgot to tick the little box

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 2:31pm

  15. 15: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    yay! My CD for tonight just canceled, I feel great about that! I agreed to go out with him without really reading his online bio in depth. I read it this morning and felt a little crestfallen because it was all facts and percentages in there (30% of 40 year old women cannot have any children and that number increases to 40% by age 45)… yes, that was in his bio. Icky. That feels icky, I don’t want to date a man who thinks that way.

    But I was going to go anyway and listen for his message. But he just canceled, and so now I don’t have to! Yay! From now on, I’m going to screen them a little better.

    Yesterday, I went a little crazy. Totally feng shui’d my bedroom, because – as it turns out – it’s in the romance corner of my home. So I bought the things they said I should to make it totally romantic, and then stated my intentions clearly of why I was doing that. Now it feels cozy and romantic and I feel light as a feather when I go in there.

    I don’t believe in coincidences. Perhaps today’s cancellation is because that CD is no longer on my path? Maybe the feng shui is working? Who knows! It can’t hurt! SOMETHING’S working in my favor, that’s for sure!

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 3:03pm

  16. 16: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Siena,

    that DOES sound icky. I’m so glad mr. ick man cancelled on you today. This is really great to read all of your guys’ experiences here on the Circular Dating path. I feel like I’m taking it all in and I feel like an absorbant sponge before I start my journey on it. I can already feel it’s going to be quite an interesting ride.

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 3:10pm

  17. 17: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ooh i found this piece or Rori advice and I’m posting it here so that i can tweak on it in a lil bit:

    …”I’m feeling concerned that we’re not a good match. I need a bit more contact than we’re having during the week, and it doesn’t feel good to ask for it…perhaps we’re just different? I’m not sure what to do so that I don’t feel taken for granted…” This way – it’s a much more authentic conversation…Love, Rori

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 4:19pm

  18. 18: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    okay, this feels weird. I was in my new feng shui bedroom this afternoon, resting. And while I was resting, I was looking at my little ‘romance corner’ and I started to feel really uncomfortable. I felt on edge, I felt scared. The same way I’ve felt in the past when things started to get serious between my man and I. I wonder, am I THAT afraid of love and romance?

    I realized that I haven’t surrounded myself with things that show ‘love and romance’ in a long long time. Like, probably a decade or so.

    Could creating a romantic setting in my room be part of the healing that I’m going through? It feels weird to feel weird about a few candles and a couple of symbolic ‘love’ things in my room.

    But I realized today that I’ve always decorated my home in a tasteful – but sparse and monkish – way. Could that have been an outward representation of me pushing away the ‘messiness’ of love and romance?

    Rori, do you have anything on this? This is something brand new, and it feels strange and I don’t know what to do with it.

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 6:11pm

  19. 19: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    another first date ………… equally uncomfortable but on the other end of the spectrum.
    I felt nothing. Could care less. Wanted to go home and see my nephew and snuggle him.
    Again…this guy is good on paper. Two degrees, hobbies intelligent.
    AND lives in a rat hole over a chinese food restaurant. That part is not good.
    I feel judgemental.
    I wanted to go home half an hour after we met. but I was hungry so agreed to vietnamese food.
    I had a hard time not crying on the way home. Maybe I should be on meds.
    I certainly feel like I’m off kilter here.
    I’ll go see about them and send the bill to B.
    Isn’t this part supposed to be fun? Why aren’t I having a good time?
    The first guy S made me feel overwhelmed. This guy M makes me feel blank. Wheres’ the fun?
    Ya know where I’m having fun? Judo class. My sister and I are the only two in the class so far so we have our own instructor. It’s fantastic fun. This week we learned how to disarm someone who is pointing a gun at us. Good times.

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 6:33pm

  20. 20: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    wow. i feel so MAD. i work in politics and in the public eye. people hate on me because they think i’m a stuck up out of touch rich girl. PEOPLE DON’T FUCKIN KNOW ME. THEY JUST THINK THEY DO. they don’t know that i grew up in poverty. they don’t know about the gang violence i experienced as a little girl. they don’t know that both my parents abandoned me and i emancipated before i was done with high school. they don’t know that i slept in my car. they don’t know that i was held up in a robbery. they don’t know that i relied on food stamps for the longest time. they don’t know that i had to do some things i am not proud of to survive. they don’t know that i have absolutely fucking no one to turn to for financial or material help if there is an emergency.

    they just don’t know.
    but they think they do.

    i suppose i should feel flattered and proud that i come off as “better” than them.

    but mostly it just stings my soul.

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 8:00pm

  21. 21: KikiNo Gravatar says:

    Oh…the moment when she sees another girl wearing her shirt. That just sucked! Very inspiring film about doing what you love to do, and doing it no matter what.

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 8:24pm

  22. 22: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i wrote a poem about how i am feeling and put it on my blog, link on my name, i feel so much better.

    whenever i feel triggered or intense emotion, and i write a poem, i feel better by the time i’m done with it. yay!

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 8:40pm

  23. 23: maryNo Gravatar says:

    wow dorothea.

    that is a heavy but beautiful poem. i felt sad reading it. i felt glad to be included and to be in the know.

    and it’s amazing that you are where you are today! i’m glad about that.

    forwards, not backwards! but i’m not one of those “in the now” people. i think we have a past and now and a future and they all work together in some magical mystical way.

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 10:33pm

  24. 24: maryNo Gravatar says:

    hello jennifer,

    i’m just reading about you having a hard time not crying on the way home. i’m picturing that and letting it sink in. and it feels sad to me.

    and a little scary.

    i’ve been working hard to create interest and get started dating again, and it’s all gonna start happening on monday or tuesday, when i get back home. i’ve lined up lots of dates! wow.

    not sure if i’m looking forward to it! not sure if i want to be having a hard time not crying on the way home!

    but part of me is excited, too. about the not knowing. the people i’ll meet. the things we’ll do. the conversations we’ll have. the exploring. the therapy! the information about myself! the life stories. the little crazy things, like the “diamond” (rhinestone) hair clip.

    “isn’t this supposed to be fun?” you asked. well, i think i’ll have fun sometimes, and other times not, just like everything else in life!

    i just love it that i’ve been able to create some options for myself! and if NONE of the dates work, if NONE of the guys ask me out again, or call me again, what then?

    i’ll gather myself together and start over again.

    dating strikes me as a necessary thing to do.

    for me.

    but that’s just me!

    love, mary

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 10:48pm

  25. 25: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea you are my hero right now. It’s a tough political climate today. People can be so, frankly, stupid.

    It’s almost 1 am and my next door neighbors (a couple), are having one of their millionth volatile fight again. I don’t feel good when I hear a man yell at a woman like that. Then the banging and stomping around…I always have to hear to make sure there is nothing violent happening. The police are regulars to their place. I feel my stomach all tied up in knots and shoulders heavy when I hear them.

    Rori, I finally got your book! I’m on chapter 5. I loved how you said relationships are NOT hard work. I have been reading your newsletters for almost over a year now along with Marie Forleo, Christian Carter and Amy Waterman’s newsletters and this seems to be a recurring theme with all of you that relationships truly are not the “hard work” we think it is. I am now focusing and concentrating on just your stuff now because I feel that you arm me with tangible tools I need in order to become in tune with that vulnerable flower that you advocate for.

    Once I became in touch with this piece of wisdom (relationships are not work), all the tension in my being both outward and inward just dropped. I just literally felt a *pshewwwwwww* feeling all the way down from my head to my feet. Like air being let out of a balloon. As soon as that happened, that unleashed something within me. I guess, it unlocked my treasure chest. All my relationships got so much better, including with my brothers who I used to butt heads with a lot sometimes to a painful degree. Now it’s easy, even our disagreements feel easy because I’m so much better able to express myself and be open and vulnerable, not put up self-destructive walls nor judge them either. This helps to keep the anger from getting built up and spilling over to the next interaction. There’s no more angry baggage. This is just with my brothers and just from reading your newsletters and the piece of knowledge that relationships are NOT work.

    I mentioned also the male attention that I have seemed to have gotten this past year and a half, moreso ever than in my highschool and college days. Recently I was out with my bro just browsing in stores. I saw clothes and I was like, gee I wished I had money for clothes. I just wished I was taller, as that is a hang up with me. My brother was like, look you may not be an amazon woman, but you still turn heads. That felt so cool!

    I feel amazed at connecting how as soon as I let the wieght of my *woe is me* story, all the pre-concieved notions, all the busy mind chatter, and to do lists of a relationship just drop, how much more warmth and love just has infiltrated in effortlessly. It’s really quite surreal because it’s so natural, yet so foreign at the same time because we have not really been taught this. Well my brain is fried so I better retire. I cannot wait to finish your book, and I cannot wait to try the modern siren program next! Good night everyone.

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 11:06pm

  26. 26: maryNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Apple Jacks! Hello!

    Everything you said was so cool… so positive… and so many great images…

    Thursday, 22 April 2010 @ 11:37pm

  27. 27: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just saw whip it online. i feel good. i feel good about me. ive been crying a lot today. yum. i feel so feely.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 12:31am

  28. 28: LoriNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer,

    YAY for you for getting out there. I went through exactly what you did in the beginning. I feel like the key is not to expect to feel fireworks, but to listen to the messages and practice the tools on men you don’t care about so that when you meet one who makes your heart skip a beat, you’re really good at the tools. Maybe the message here is that you’re not ready for a man that makes your heart skip. Keep dating and keep practicing the tools.

    Siena,

    I have exactly the same issue. I’ll tell myself I’m ready for true intimacy with a man and then feel anxious. I imagine myself in a happy relationship and feel anxious. One of my CD guys keeps talking about the future and when he does, I get this really uncomfortable icky feeling. When he just talks in the present, I really enjoy him.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 6:15am

  29. 29: DocKNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – I hear what you are saying. I grew up with some extreme financial difficulties in inner-city bad neighborhood. I paid attention in school and didn’t do drugs. One day I was with a friend and there was something about the interaction that puzzled me and he said, “they think you come from money.” At first I felt angry! I felt, like ‘WTF?’ and offended and then…

    I looked at him and smiled and felt good. Ha! I fooled them – I felt clever and sophisticated. I chose to believe they thought this not because they saw me as arrogant (I’m not) but because I felt classy to them. I never worried about it after that.

    I feel prosperous now and know that I am expanding into an experience of even more prosperity being grateful for all that I have now and all that I can give – to myself and to the people and things that I care about. : )

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 8:36am

  30. 30: maryNo Gravatar says:

    DocK:

    That is sooooooo amazing! I love this blog!

    Wanted to write more, but Mom needs me… and I’m here to help her!

    Talk later,

    Mary

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 8:47am

  31. 31: TaraNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks:
    Your post (#25) on how relationships aren’t supposed to be work really inspired and challenged me.
    I had been devoting a fair amount of mental energy to S and his crumbs, but when I read that I realized that I was doing a lot of “work” by trying to figure out exactly how to respond to him.

    Here’s what I did and how it worked for me:
    – I read most of Rori’s blogs on power and self-esteem last night.
    – I did several of the Tools there.
    – This morning, I woke up to a gorgeous rainy day here! On the way to drop off my kids at high school, I listened to some of my most favorite, empowering music (like Glee’s version of “Defying Gravity,” which ROCKS!). I cranked up the radio really loud and sang from my toes. It felt awesome! (Since I do musical theater, singing is pretty much guaranteed to shift my mood back to Siren-ness, esp. when I know I sound awesome).
    – S texted me to apologize for his “crazy” work schedule the past few days, but also made it clear he was going to be horribly busy again today.
    – Instead of giving him a Feeling message like I’d been thinking about doing, I decided to go back to my list (Rori’s blog entry previous to this one), and use one of my new ways to deal with his unacceptable behavior.
    – I texted him thanks for the apology, things happen, and I have no classes on this glorious rainy day and it feels great!
    – I didn’t tell him to figure out when he could meet with me, I didn’t tell him I wanted to see him, I didn’t ask him to reschedule with me for next week, and I didn’t even tell him that it feels icky for me to be constantly going after him to set up meeting times and places, and that I don’t want to do it anymore.
    – I trust that if he really wants to see me, even to help with the theater stuff, he’ll ask. And, until he gets divorced and moves out, he is nothing but a messenger who offers free therapy and lots of practice.

    THAT FELT DAMN GOOD!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 8:58am

  32. 32: TWNo Gravatar says:

    Daria-

    I am new to this post so I am trying to go back and read but #17 is how I feel about my ex. I mean the quote that rori said. He is hot and cold. I can say that we do not talk every day but if I text or something like that he always makes sure that he responds but he is not the initiatior of sex and dates and stuff. It is like he wants me to lead and guide the situation since I asked for the break. I asked for the break because he was no longer stepping up. He was stepping up with his words and not his actions and now I think he thinks I do not trust him. I post this on another post but he said I always tell you that there is no one else but you do not believe me. It is hard for me to believe him because the distance was just so all of a sudden and out of the blue.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 10:59am

  33. 33: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hi mary, thank you for your post. What you said made me feel warm.

    Tara, Ithank you for your post too! I want to use a feeling message, but I am way too in my boy energy right now and I’m trying to harness my girl, lol. Some deep breaths are in order for Apple Jacks….

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 11:38am

  34. 34: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    ooo la la! I just spoke with a hottie French man that I ‘met’ on Match. He called to ask me out. OMG! His voice and accent!!!

    I feel nervous! In a good way! What better way to practice my Siren skills than on a FRENCH man? I mean, French women are basically the epitome of Sirens, right? Let’s see how this American girl can do! Wow, I feel excited! I like this feeling!!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 11:39am

  35. 35: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Siena, you have once again made me feel jealous. But in a good way, LOL! I’m so excited for you! Go get him, you tigress!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 11:41am

  36. 36: TWNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks-

    I will breathe with you my friend. I have not had the time to read any of your post but I will try to play catch up this weekend though and get your story.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 11:49am

  37. 37: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! AJ! Thank you! Now I need to breathe also and calm down! I need to feel magnetic and sultry. Not crazy, skittish busy-bee like!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 11:56am

  38. 38: TWNo Gravatar says:

    Siena-

    You will be fine.. Just practice your tools like you do with us and he will be eating out of the palms of your hands… Trust me!!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 11:59am

  39. 39: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    okay, wow, this feels really really interesting! I just talked with Frenchman again (I had to take care of something and so cut the phone call short earlier). He told me FLAT OUT that he’s looking for a friends with benefits situation. I’ve never had anyone tell me that within 15 minutes of meeting!

    So wow, this feels interesting! I am still going to meet him for coffee, and THIS is my practice saying NO to the things I don’t want. I already told him no for meeting for a drink at 10pm on Saturday night. (I told him no using feeling messages), and was able to hold the line until he suggested coffee during the day, which feels much better for me.

    So, obviously, this guy is just a message or a mirror. And I could NEVER get involved with him, because he’s covered his bases. It’s actually kind of smart on his end – he tells a woman EXACTLY what he’s looking for from the get-go, and then she has no leg to stand on when she starts “asking” for commitment. Brilliant.

    But anyway, this is about experimenting and learning, and trusting my boundaries and going with what feels good to me…

    Tallyho!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 12:24pm

  40. 40: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel afraid and tense on the outside. and good on the inside.

    i feel afraid of getting pregnant. last nite i had ovulation type nani stuff.

    not period type stuff.

    so i put parsley in me and i drank ginger and parsley juice – i had already went to the acupuncturist.

    i am fairly sure that i will not be pregnant, because

    1) my period was due sunday – and i did it Tuesday after my period beign late already (without any beforehand sex to worry about why late)

    2) i used copious amounts of neem oil in there 2 hours later, which kill the sperm

    However. I feel great to have had sex without rubbers. my body felt so happy.

    im concerned that my body may be SO happy that it decided to “catch the pregnancy while it can” and ovulate off schedule

    I feel frustrated and out of control wiht my body. I felt betrayed last time a few years ago when i was pregnant with no warning

    I feel angry thinking I may be pregnant. I had decided beforehand no more abortions after the one, but now im like aack. I don’t want God or a man to USE ME to make children. like fuck Daria, we’ll just use that weak useless women for children children, and let her waste away in her unhappiness

    yes i have extreme images in my mind. so sue me.
    plese dont sue me.

    so im drinking parsley tea which can bring on periods but also in the past made me particularly sensitive and sad, to where i was bawling for hours. and thats ok right now.

    however im not feeling anything periody. if anything i feel toned… full of happy body energy. and outside fears. in my legs, arms shoulders and sides

    my kidney that was aching is aching less. i feel concerned i may have made a kidney stone what with taking the uti clearing herbs and stuff…

    i haven’t taken them and went to acupuncture

    my uti feels cleared if it werent for the kidney ache thing. yay. maybe theres a tiny bit? i dont know. what would happen if i drank no water? would it revert? what would happen if…. i had SEX. will it come back?

    the entrance to my nani feels sore. i know because i had to try and get the parsley out of me. on the other hand, i had great orgasms yesterday. like two! which is great cuz usually after one thats the end. so i feel excited. i also feel excited that my nani feels so big and wow in there, and apparently very tight at the entrance since i had trouble with that

    but i would like it to not feel sore at the beginning! poor nani!!! i put some comfrey oil on it.

    i thought it was the condoms causing the soreness but apparently its just feeling sensitive there

    i feel jealous of women with regular periods who can time their sex and pregnancies – i want that and i will have it Thank you

    i feel jealous of women whos nanis arent sore, when they have sex, when they have sex with rubbers… etc. i want that too!

    i feel jealous of women who can pleasure themselves to lots of orgasms etc

    i feel jealous of women who know or can touch their cervix

    i feel jealous of women who have orgasms and enjoy sex fully

    i want this!

    ANGELS !! attention! calling all Angels!! please help me have the above mentioned stuff!! in a feel good way!! thank you!!

    i feel a lil tightened up inside thiking of posting this. i feel afraid. i don’t want to feel judged. thank u. uf. i want to express myself fully and i will anyway. i feel defensive. i feel tightened up in my thigh

    grrr

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:00pm

  41. 41: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i can hear the voices. thank u voices. here’s what you say. and i love you.

    you say:

    wow look at that one again. fuckin crazy irresponsible girl. wow. of course shes stressing about pregnacy. duhhhh … she deserves that. how irresponsible is she. god. thats what happens to irresponsible people. she has no shame.

    her parents must be so embarassed. i feel sorry for them. now shes either going to killa baby or have a child that her parents will have to support… omg. its cuz of people like that that we hae welfare. how can she do such a thing. and then she talks about it like its nothing. omg.

    omg BECKY. look at her BUTT. it is soooo big. she looks like.. one of those Rap Guys girlfriends…

    wow
    i feel better.

    thanks voices. i appreciate your intent and attention. and i am in charge here, and i would like to ask you to help me in a different way. a way that feels good. even when i make a mistake. or do something that other people feel upset about. or am uncertain about the future. or do something that other people are afraid to do or think it’s not a good idea to do.

    Thank you voices. i feel glad you are with me.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:08pm

  42. 42: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok now the voices are also talking about him, the man i had sex with…

    how could you do that shit. you know hes not gonna be able to support a baby. he just is lally lally … u really just had a baby by a man who doesnt even have it together. he ALREADY HAS A CHILD!!! what were you thinking!!! he doesnt even support that one!!!

    hes just in the breeze feminine man, and thats who you choose to have children with. thats who you choose to have sex with!! wt THE HELL!!! you are going to resent him, hes gonna go on with his life, have more children with other people, and youre going to have a child whos always asking you why his daddy doesnt see him, and resent you, for having him with that daddy. wtfff!! why cant you thnk straight ahead of time!!
    omg!!!!

    a freakin baby with a 21 year old who doesnt even have 4 dollars to pay the toll to come see you, who freakin, says hes gonna sign up for college but doesnt like it, who cant even get himself another cell phone, who texts you 2 days after sex, who freaking can DO NOTHING of the man stuff

    juust because yhou feel good around him. what the hell… you really want a feminine man that bad!!!!!!???? FCUKIN USE A CONDOM.. what the hell is wrong with you girl??? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???

    and what the hell are you doing dating this man anyway, and dating all these young ass men in general… watf. watf watf.

    he already HAS A CHILD> your child wont even be special….!!!! UFFFFFFF> hes just gonna be like yeah!!! i got another baby mama, one who got it together, and the baby is gonna be fine with her, she wont trip, ill just keep living my life day to day, where the wind takes me

    he FUCKIN TOLD MEEE THIS. he fuckin told me he doesnt make plans and likes to just do what the wind takes him!!

    and i use to do that too!! i thought it was the ultimate way to live and i guess i STILL DO BUT but butb

    i want a man who thinks different? apparently i dont. but who the fuck is gonna take care of me then?

    if i have no structure and we have no structure…

    is that ok???

    cuz its sure driving my structured parents crazy

    and it sure hasnt goten me to feel 100% safe

    i feel angry

    i feel sad

    i feel furious!!!!

    iu feeel furious!!!!

    i feel confused
    i want whtat i want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

    urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

    i lvoe my voices. thank u for wanting to protect me, and being so strong. and again, i am in charge. and i am asking you to support me in a different way, in a way that feels good and gets me the love i want

    and the fuckin safety i want to.

    thank uccccc.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:22pm

  43. 43: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Daria,

    I love how you have become so in touch with your feelings! I love how you express yourself! You go, girl! You must be very attractive to men when your heart takes care of you like that! :-)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:28pm

  44. 44: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Daria xxxx

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:36pm

  45. 45: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I’m lovin your comments!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:37pm

  46. 46: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been feeling sad this week – seems the more I find heartbeat again, the deeper the feelings of sadness and missing A.

    I’ve been feeling very motivated at work though. It’s been busier than usual, I knew it was coming and felt afraid. But I did a mediatation on Sunday and noticed the feeling causing me tension was ‘resentment’. So I let go of it. And felt excited by the challnge instead.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:41pm

  47. 47: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Heartbeat! I enjoy yours, too! I feel so happy I found this blog! I feel like you are all sisters already!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:49pm

  48. 48: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve also been feeling very loving towards A. It’s like all my feelings are deep colours.

    And there are miracles around too. A client started telling me about some energy work in her past – I was fascinated, it felt like a gift and a total surprise as I’ve been really getting into this recently but not talked to anyone much about it.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:51pm

  49. 49: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I feel happy you are here, sister! xx

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:52pm

  50. 50: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling soooo intense. i love my intense feelings. and that feels like feeeling furious… like a artery is going to burst in my brain on the right. and i love my brain bursting artery. i dont care if i die right now! i fuckin cant have sex!! i fuckin cant make money! i fuckin cant heal my family! i fcukin cant have anything i want!! i cant even fuckin enjoy myself today! why !! cuz i have NO ONE whos company i enjoy who wnats to kick it with me! thats right! actually its not ! yes it is bTICH !! did i say you can talk? i m on a rant here!!!I FEEL FURIOUS I FEEL FURIOUS I FEEL FURIOUS!!!I LOVE M”Y FUR”Y!! AND THAT FEELS LIKE steam coming out my nose and like the sides of my jaw tightneing up!! and i love the steam coming out my nose and my jaw tightnening up

    oh no whats happneing!! im relaxing…nooooo!!! that will just send me into feeling apathetic and sad and cryinnnnnggggg… awww i feel sobbing… i feel sobbing….

    I HATE MY LIFE!

    i HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE IT

    mmmmmmmmmm

    i feel sooooooo sadddddddddddddddd

    i love my sad feelings

    and that makes me feel so furious, to love my sad feelings when i feel so bad, when im being treated so bad,,,, by who… by meeeeeee
    ei hate myself for doing this to meeee
    ei hate myself

    i feeel so ooo mad i love my anger… i dont want to keep saying i love myself… i feel so angry!!!! i dont want to love myself i dont want to love myself i dont want to love myself i dont want to love myself i dont want to love myself i dont want to love myself i dont want to love myself i dont want to love myself i dont wnat to love my self i dont want to love msye.fffff

    ooh my god my forehead feels so tight. i lvoe the tighteness in my forehead and that feesl like almost going nubma and like more forhead tightening and i love my tightneding forehead. and i love my despari and hopelessness and feeling so intensely saddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

    and so many epople are dying and i dont want to be one of them and i feel afraidd and i feel sad and baddd and i

    looked out the windeow and stopped and i feel all clear inside

    and that feels infuriating thinking that i may be pregnant and my body is getting all happy and filling me with happy chemicals

    I HATE YOU BODY!!! I HATE YOU!!!!! I HATE Y OU!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111

    i feel sobbing and forehead tightening… i love my sobbing and forehead tightening… i love the coolness in the back of my throat,…i love my tightneng butt… i love my sobbing… i love my throwing my head up to the sky and head dropping and nausea

    feleing

    uffffffffffffffffffffffffff

    i feel tired

    i still feel

    sad

    and this intense feeling

    and i feel spent

    i dont feel like spending energy

    i feel ragdolll apathetic

    i feel like ok take me to the concentration camp

    what the fuck is with my mind and concentration camps

    im sorry ok. fuckin a. i feel turny tummy.

    i feel just sit here

    best defense

    say nothing

    just let them talk to u

    say bad things to u

    feel apathetic

    sleep walk

    i feel tight in my jaw

    i feel pinching in my leg

    i love the tight in my jaw and the pinching in my leg

    i dont like my powerless apathetic feeling. i love my powerless apathetic feeling.

    is this what i didnt want to feel? i can see why. it feels sd. it feels like dying bird. and then dead
    .

    dont u understand that if you get sick you will always be weak and then die?

    i dont want that

    what if

    if i get sick you will always be strong and then live?

    wow that feels soooooooooooo standing up and fliing with vigor juice green and fresh chlorophylllllll

    here comes the mind

    blah blabh ablh

    its not true

    i feel so angry at my mind

    i feel so betrayed by my mind

    i love my feeling of betrayal

    i love all my feelings

    i feel heavy around my tongue… i love my heavy feelings

    i feel sinking

    i feel like… i dont want to do this anymore. i feel like.. distract myself now.. i feel anxious… i love my anxiousness… and that feels like… squeezing high in my forehead under my hair… and i lvoe the squeezing high in my forehead under my hiar…
    and that feels like it clearing and me feeling straighter… and my cheekbones feeling tight, and my tummy feeling tingly… an i love my tight cheekbonse and my tingly tummy.

    and that feels like… stunned ness… an d i love my stunned staring eye feeling… and that feels like… hot knee on the right, tightening in my ribs, and i love my hot knee and tightening in my ribs..

    and that feels like

    judgement and squeezing in my throat and i love the judgement and squeezing in my throat and that feels like

    hotness and squeezing in my left lower back and tingling in my nani beginning and i love the hotness and squeezing in my lower back, and i love the hotness and tingling in my nani…

    and that feels like

    more hotness and squeezing in my knee.. and i love the hotness and squeeizng in my knee

    and that feels like

    more squeezing in my cheeckbones

    and i love the squeezing in my cheekbonse

    and that feels like
    staring to the left… suqeeins na dhotness all thru my middle… wanting to DO SOMETHING to numb this feeling.

    what is this feeling.

    i love you feeling.

    its the feeling of frustrating. i vive up! im not gonna pas]s this f]videogame level. fuck this. I HATE THA TFEELING. i love my feelings. i love my hate. i love my giving up. i love my feeling of defeat. i love my feeling of hopeless ness…………….

    i feel so angry that i feel hopeless. i love my anger and i love my hopelessness.

    i cant shift it. just give up. die. wtf. i love my feelings.

    hello i am daria and i am processing past life shit here that is coming out of my body

    it better be coming out

    and not just remaining stuck

    i give my body permission to release it and let it come out

    signed
    daria

    that felt like a sigh

    i feel calm and tingly in my chest

    i feel hot and squeezy in my jaw

    i feel tingly in my hands

    hello. what a beautiful sunny day. what would you like to do today as you feel hopelessness, defeat, powerlessness, rage, and other unnamed feelings ???

    umm

    how about sit at a computer and write

    yeah

    feel that rage

    feel that resentment

    feel that powerlessness that feels like choking me
    and strangling me and i cannot

    my motto

    i Cannot

    I can’t

    jump

    i can’t
    make money

    i can’t

    write the cover letter
    i can’t

    sell to people

    i can’t and i won’t

    work on your business
    i won’t

    have an orgasm

    i can’t

    live on your own

    i can’t

    pay your bills
    i can’t

    feel good
    i can’t

    what if
    i can’t

    = i can and i don’t want to because i feel crushed by fears

    i will never conquer my fears

    i will never be who i want to be

    and u know what

    thats ok

    cuz i can alwayhs die

    actually

    its not ok

    with me
    it doesnt feel ok

    like usre ill survive
    but ill feel hopeless and angry and

    i dont liek feeling those feelings

    and i love all my feelings

    i love

    too much effort to love?

    but not too much effort to write it

    maybe i dont need any effor

    heya

    i love

    and therefore
    i support ur tempestuas ocean

    and i want to feel good

    what do we do about that?

    we fuckin suck

    thank u

    uhm

    i feel agnry

    i dotn want to say thank u for abuse.

    i feel angry hearing you say that voice. and i kno u r me and so i want to tlel u… notice the love under everything… and now id like u to support me in a way that makes me feel GOOD

    thank u

    i feel a sigh

    i dont want to stop

    im just gonna drink some tea

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:52pm

  51. 51: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – i feel very intrigued by your date with Frenchman and how you are handling it. I’m running a book already – bets please on Frenchy falling head over heels… :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:55pm

  52. 52: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks ladies.

    I just wrote a mega riff thru my feelings and there it goes… gone in my cup of tea.

    i actually feel relieved.. i feel wowed by all i wrote and felt…

    im actually feeling better now and feel more relaxed

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:57pm

  53. 53: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Tara – your last comment really spoke to me thanks!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 1:59pm

  54. 54: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – wow! I can feel the release from over here :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:00pm

  55. 55: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I love how you express yourself too. Reading your posts, I felt empathetic, saying to myself, “yes, I know how that feels, yes, I understand that feeling too…” you go girl!

    Heartbeat, if I could get Frenchie to fall in love with me AFTER he told me that he only wants my body, well… then… I’d be HEALED! Haha, we’ll see… it’s definitely good practice for speaking my boundaries and true feelings because I have absolutely nothing to hide.

    Here’s to miracles, Heartbeat! Wow, how awesome would it be to experience a miracle today! May I please? I’d like to experience a miracle. Thank you!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:03pm

  56. 56: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – you may!! It’s raining miracles!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:05pm

  57. 57: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    “DO WHAT YOU LOVE, and hang with people who love you”

    Of all the things in this post, this phrase jumped out and stayed. So simple and so obvious! If I follow that simple philosophy I can imagine feeling all is well with the world.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:10pm

  58. 58: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, just received this from a match guy, “You exude gentle confidence, sensuality and radiant beauty.”

    And my first reaction was to laugh it off. “Pshaw, ya, right! If only you REALLY knew me!”

    So that’s my challenge, to believe that I AM all that. I feel good knowing that I can aspire to believe that! I wished I believed it before (and now). I can see clearly where my work is. It feels good to see clearly!

    “I can see clearly now the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind, it’s gonna be a bright, sunshiney day.”

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:12pm

  59. 59: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Siena I’m dancing to that tune here, you radiant beauty :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:22pm

  60. 60: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so grateful to have you lovely ladies here as support while I work through my stuff! I was just thinking that I would never be able to allow myself to feel as exposed as I am on a dating website if I couldn’t come here and get strength for the journey at the same time!

    I would feel like a flailing fish out there in the dating world, and not anything like a Siren! I have a long way to go, but it feels so good to know that I can share here and get positive responses (like that last one from you, Heartbeat… thank you love!!!)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:30pm

  61. 61: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    I started a channelling list – just to keep handy after some moments this week where I felt gripped by anxiety and temptation to call A. I’m feeling inspired now. I called a builder today and am getting part of my garden remodelled – stone steps, a cottage-garden border and a verandah. And I’m planning a shopping trip to get dresses for my holiday. I love having things to look forward to.

    I’m excited too cuz I ordered some flower remedies from Tinque – they feel extra special made by her and from flowers she grows herself. I’m feeling pampered already!!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:33pm

  62. 62: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so i feel more strengthened!

    i drank some ginger tea and that lifted the parsley tea ‘greens’ hehe

    i also got a phoneclal from a man, im cooking and then i’m going to wash up and be OUT in the sunshine yum

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:34pm

  63. 63: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – I love it when we are posting at the same time. You bring a smile to my face and I feel encouraged and inspired xx

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:35pm

  64. 64: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Heartbeat, me too! Are you in Ireland?

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:36pm

  65. 65: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Daria I love ginger tea. Yum something else to put on my list. Thank you xx

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:36pm

  66. 66: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – I’m in the north of England now, but born in Ireland. Still have the accent :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:37pm

  67. 67: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Aww cool Heartbeat! My dad’s family is from Yorkshire (I’ve never been), and I have a Yorkshire Terrier (LOL).

    I’m here in my home office that has a view of the Pacific Ocean… so we’re literally across the world from eachother! I feel amazed at that! Wow!!!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:40pm

  68. 68: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Oh wow Siena – I had a dream years ago where I was flying (yes actually flying) along the west coast, so it has a special magic for me. And that we are here chatting from opposite sides of the globe feels super special too – I have goosebumps!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:47pm

  69. 69: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    I have a view from my desk of the river Mersey as it meets the Irish Sea. Though it is dark now. But I can hear it when I step outside.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:48pm

  70. 70: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    So weird to remember that flying dream – it was so vivid that the next morning I got an atlas out. And even though I wasn’t familiar with the geography, what I saw in my dream was exactly right.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:50pm

  71. 71: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – Yorkshire is stunning. Drama and gentleness in one. So funny you have a Yorkshire Terrier! My Nan had Yorkies, one after another. She called every one Pip.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:53pm

  72. 72: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    It really does feel amazing Heartbeat! I just googled River Mersey, and saw pics online. And the pic that caught my attention was of a ship called “Sabrina”, which means “water nymph”. That’s a type of Siren, no?

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:53pm

  73. 73: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Yes water nymph feels very siren-y! By the way I looked up Morgan le fey and she is connected with Sirens too. Water, sirens… it all feels very lovely.

    This siren is feeling sleepy but reluctant to leave her smoking keyboard :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:56pm

  74. 74: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    reading your riffs seriously made me feel like, damn I gotta get over this vaginimi whatever the hell that thing is. That is TRULY what I felt reading your posts, lol.

    I cannot seem to shake this boy energy today! I’m trying to get girl but the boy is yelling at me! What else is new, boys are always yelling hehehe. AAAAGGGRRRRR Get OUTTA ME! My girl seems to keep escaping me!!!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 2:58pm

  75. 75: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a little blah. I feel happy to just feel blah instead of drinking or eating to excess, or creating a distraction, picking a fight, etc. I feel very PMS-y. This month, thanks to what I’ve learned here, I am feeling my feelings and expressing them, instead of lashing out and reacting to everything that pisses me off. I also realized what crap I’ve been eating this week, and how I feel like crap because of it. So I bought apples and carrots and beets and lettuce, and will dust off my juicer and put good alive food into my body this weekend. I feel happy about that, and proud and grateful that I have that knowledge to rely on.

    I received the Modern Siren series yesterday. I feel very excited to delve into it. I’ve been practicing feeling messages all week with everyone, even my kids (shoot, ESPECIALLY my kids deserve it the most!), and have been amazed at the results. Wow, people respond! I feel proud of that, too.

    I can sooooo relate to the last thread about health insurance. My man’s situation is very similar. I can see all sides, and for me… my head understands it, but my heart feels bad about it. It’s not the situation I created space in my life for.

    I don’t feel like dating yet. It still feels disloyal and like cheating. I’ll get there. But I did do my toes and make a hair appointment… Monday I’m joining a gym that has great childcare. Working on being my own hero, and remaining open to the good things I’ve shut out this past year.

    Can’t remember who (Apple Jacks?) gave me the compliment in the other thread. Thanks! :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:02pm

  76. 76: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks – I have days like that too :) then the dam breaks and hello I’m a girl again

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:02pm

  77. 77: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    I feel envious Daria….I wished I had sex. Siena, how I would LOVE for a Frenchman to want my body, lol!

    MWUHUHAHAHAHA I feel so naughty evil! I’m stalling doing one of Rori’s exercises from her book.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:04pm

  78. 78: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Heartbeat….I want the dam to break.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:05pm

  79. 79: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    J-Rock – nice to meet you :)

    I feel similar at the moment regarding dating, and very happy to date myself and be creative, and enjoy/learn from whoever shows up.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:06pm

  80. 80: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hey J-Rock. I don’t remember the post but you’re always welcome. :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:06pm

  81. 81: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhhh… you’re talking about Ireland/UK! I’m of mostly Irish descent, with a teeny bit of German (just enough to instill a healthy dose of kink, I always say). I’ve never been to Ireland, always been afraid I’d never come back. I’m working a project now that’s a retelling of a Celtic myth. The research has been captivating, comforting. Feels like home. Someday I’ll get there…

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:07pm

  82. 82: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks – I find the dam breaks all by itself. Just noticing my energy allows it to morph at its own pace, like it’s part of a cycle and not something to beat myself up over, however frustrating it feels.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:08pm

  83. 83: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like talking more about the “dating yourself” concept. I think I have an idea, but can anyone go more in depth for me on what it looks like? Rori, or anyone? Thanks

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:08pm

  84. 84: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Oh hey J-Rock – which myth? I’m excited to know…

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:09pm

  85. 85: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    When I think Irish, I think Cillian Murphy. Yum Yum.

    Thanks Heartbeart. I just feel really restless, you know?

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:09pm

  86. 86: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    Heartbeat, thank you for validating the “dating yourself” thing. That’s what feels right to me right now.

    Tuatha de Danann. It’s so heady and complex and I don’t understand half of it! But it’s so fantastic and magical and gorgeous.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:11pm

  87. 87: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks – for me it’s doing anything I look forward to where I’ll be around people. Tomorrow I’m going to a free Indian music gig with friends, I also go to events organised by a culture group (so a few people go on their own). Or I’ll take myself into town for lunch. That sort of thing. It makes me feel good.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:12pm

  88. 88: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Ireland always fascinates me. It’s priduced the most prolific writers than any other country. I always wanted to discover what it has that produces such colorful word painters.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:12pm

  89. 89: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    I would like to date Cillian Murphy. Him, I would make an effort for! Or rather, NOT make an effort. ;)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:13pm

  90. 90: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Heartbeat, that sounds so fun. I can’t wait to date myself *giggle*

    I feel awfully silly right now, if you guys can’t tell yet.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:14pm

  91. 91: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, good one J-Rock. Unfortunately for us he’s happily married. Great for he and his wife!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:15pm

  92. 92: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    For me, Silly Jacks, dating myself means ALONE TIME. I have 3 young kids, so time to myself is precious. Grooming and preening time, (ahem) self care, running errands looking nice and not in sweatpants, making eye contact and smiling, etc.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:16pm

  93. 93: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    J-Rock – I have more goosebumps now! – I wrote on Tain Bo Cualnge for my graduate thesis – those old stories are fabulous, so earthy and magical. They derive from pre-Christian times but monks wrote them down as historical characters. Ah I feel all shimmery…

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:18pm

  94. 94: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, thanks for the name. It would feel so awesome if all of us could get together and meet in North England where Heartbeat lives. *Swoon* How dreamy. It would feel so wonderful to meet all of you guys.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:19pm

  95. 95: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooh shimmery, I like that hearbeat. Lit my heart aglow those words. So pretty. :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:20pm

  96. 96: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    heartbeat, shimmery… excellent description. Now THOSE were some women. So inspiring. I want to write my own story, my own heroine, my own magical creation and then live it.

    Hey, look! The thread has come full circle! :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:21pm

  97. 97: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks – it feels like the landscape in Ireland speaks, so full of history and generations going back and back, beauty and a sort of mystical energy all around. One of my favourite passages is the last paragraph of James Joyce’s ‘The Dead’ where the snow is falling. It brings tears to my eyes, but in a good way. And more goosebumps.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:22pm

  98. 98: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Oh hey yes, J-Rock – it has!!

    LOL yes I’d love the Siren Ocean Liner Tour to stop by my place, and Ireland (via NY, LA etc). All aboard!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:24pm

  99. 99: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Where I live, there are old mariners’ cottages, and a castle gate, and a round house, and Venetian style seafront houses painted pastel colours. And there is a legend of Mother Redcap who owned an Inn (the stone arch is still there by the beach). She was a formidable character, friend of pirates – a Crone Siren, to be sure!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:27pm

  100. 100: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    J-Rock – “I want to write my own story, my own heroine, my own magical creation and then live it. ”

    YES I love that

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:28pm

  101. 101: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Sounds so delicious, heartbeat. Makes me feel like jumping on a plane to Ireland right this second. This myth sounds wonderful too. Got some additional reading to do tonight it looks like.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:29pm

  102. 102: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    So it feels like we’ve kind of circular dated ourselves here… and through just chatting and sharing and connecting I’ve felt my energies shifting… and that feels light and easy and growthful.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:31pm

  103. 103: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    “I want to write my own story, my own heroine, my own magical creation and then live it. ”

    What a wonderful thing to say! I feel like this is possible with Rori’s methods. Gosh what a wonderful phrase. I feel inspired now J-Rock! Where’s my pad and pen….?

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:31pm

  104. 104: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks – my boy energy loves finding stuff for me to read :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:32pm

  105. 105: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Heartbeat, I feel like maybe the dam might be getting some cracks in it. YAY! I’ll take what I can get.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:33pm

  106. 106: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Heartbeat – hehe, that boy sure doesn’t wanna let us go does he. ;)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:34pm

  107. 107: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Apple Jacks! I love your boy energy too.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:35pm

  108. 108: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    LOL!! And I feel like I’m shifting into boy – and that’s ok. I love my different aspects. I love ‘that which is’. I’m breaking free of *thinking* I ought to be this way or that way.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:37pm

  109. 109: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    And I love YOUR boy energy! :) Boys are such maniacs, lol!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:37pm

  110. 110: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! I don’t feel blah anymore! So great chatting with you ladies. Thanks to y’all, I can see and smell another time and another place. I am also hungry for breakfast cereal.

    And oh! I feel excited about being the Crone. I’m going to be a kickass old lady.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:38pm

  111. 111: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    I feel playful when I *ought* to be going to bed :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:38pm

  112. 112: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Me too heartbeat! I’m also reading about the The Tuatha De Danann and for some reason I’m feeloing highly aroused! I guess I should go find me a boy….that’s just my feeling anyway. ;)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:39pm

  113. 113: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    J-Rock, ” I’m going to be a kickass old lady” You already are! Except you’re a YOUNG lady of course.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:40pm

  114. 114: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you J-Rock – I want to be a kickass old lady too. Maybe we can have some fun with Apple Jack’s boy :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:41pm

  115. 115: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe Apple Jacks ;) it’s the turf calling you… the siren song of the old ones…

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:43pm

  116. 116: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    AJ, it’s because it’s all so dead sexy!

    Kickass! :)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:44pm

  117. 117: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    You BOTH are kick ass YOUNG ladies. Gee this story is making me feel like going out and seducing a wonderful, gorgeously charming man…*swoon*

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:44pm

  118. 118: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    And as one siren goes off for her breakfast cereal, so this one is going for her bedtime cocoa. Thank you for the craic, as they say in Ireland xxxxxxxxxxxxx night night and sweet dreams

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:45pm

  119. 119: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Aw this always happens – I go to sign off and some siren says something that gets me all excited. Apple Jacks, you minx!! LOL!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:46pm

  120. 120: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe, gotta go my beauties. My bro’s yelling for the computer. Told ya these boys are always yellin (and laughing at the same time). Catch up with you later. Love ya’ll and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. ;)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:47pm

  121. 121: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    Ciao, bellas. Thanks for the uplift!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:47pm

  122. 122: heartbeatNo Gravatar says:

    Night all – love you too!!! xxxx

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 3:48pm

  123. 123: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so im back, brushed washed and fed. like a lovely horse. hmm horse feels sturdy. im not used to energy of horse. more used to energy of seal, leopard, butterfly

    i like horse

    is horse happy?

    horse doesnt care about a lil bit of uti

    horse doesnt shake and quake in fear of disease, or being pregnant

    horse is sturdy

    horse is free and powerful

    horse is fast and horse is not in danger

    thank u horse

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 4:20pm

  124. 124: TWNo Gravatar says:

    Daria-

    I have been trying to catch up with post but you have expressed yourself so well today and you are getting it all out. I feel tenseness in my body because I long to feel my ex by my side and he is not here. Actually I think he is working tonight but still. I asked for the break because we were at each others throats but I want my relationship back. not the old one but a new one that is full of love and full of sex and dates. I want him back.

    Daria I too have unprotected sex with my ex as well and it was a choice that we made. We were both tested together and are not sleeping with other people at the moment. I can feel your frustration about the thought of being pregnant. I can feel your anger over his not being able to take care of a child. I can feel your pain because I am a mother and the father does not help much at all and I have had an abortion that left me feeling empty inside. I want to cry and feel my tears roll down my face over the one that I gave away. I have never addressed this issue before and you inspired me tonight to let it go. Thank you.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 4:54pm

  125. 125: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    okay so speaking of my “what do you like in guys and what do you want from them” tihngy that im tweaking thru… lol

    I got a call from this guy, i felt kina drained… blah… anyway

    last time he asked me on the phone so what kinda guys do you date?

    and i felt instantly defensive because in the past i would feel afraid to be judged

    i said.. i like all men i dont like to date one kind only

    so he says… no i mean like what race?

    i feel afraid that people are racist when they ask this and are about to judge me and i felt that way

    anyway i decided to babystep towards feeling good about all my decisions

    so i said… mmm ive mostly dated black men, but i feel open to all men… i dont discriminate

    ok…

    Today

    he calls and hes like

    so why do you ONLY date black guys?

    i felt megatriggered – like huh i told you specifically i dont only date black guys you racist judgemental weak ass fuck

    so i said… i dont only date black men, i mean i mostly do, but i am open to all men

    so he says

    so what you like like gangsters?

    im like… umm i dono maybe

    (the truth is i do like gangsters that IS/WAS my type but again i want to be open to all men)

    so heres the MESSAGE: or rather the QUESTION:

    he says

    why do you like gangsters?

    so im thinking about how to formulate why, about how i feel like i am one maybe or how i think certain ways about society and admire men who are not comforming and brave, that thing that i would love to clarify for myself really

    so then before i answer he says:

    “i mean my definition of a gangster is a guy who doesn’t have a car, a job or a house, who just stands in the street selling crack. you like that?”

    i felt instantly defensive! it sounds like Security (nickhame i made up for the guy i jsut had sex with) and a bunch of other men… but do I like that?

    I wanted to defend the men and say you know some people are poor blah blah… i didnt get to say much…

    then he says

    “Wouldn’t you rather havea guy who has a car, a job, a house, and who doesn’t get in trouble?”

    MESSAGE!!!!

    because yes, this is exactly what i’ve been telling myself i want, because well… you all know… and i’ve been asking the gangster men i date to give it to me, and i feel like im fishing for goldfish in a shark tank or something

    and so.

    lets use this message

    is that what i want?

    yes. i want the second stuff.

    BUT

    i really DO want a man whose values align with mine. and men like that in my past experience have been in category 1.

    so what do i want?

    my experience says that people with values like mine have no car, no job, no house and stand in the street selling crack.

    then again, i feel unadmiring and unsafe with someone with totally diff values who Does have the safety and security that I think a household needs

    help?

    i want both?

    how many people are there that have both?

    none? one?

    what?

    help.

    I would like both. thank you.

    I would like to clearly resolve this.

    For now I am standing in with the men whose values align with mine…

    does that really matter? all that matters i feel good around him…

    BUT i want the values AND i want the practicality

    help.

    I want both both both.

    and i want to heal my triggers around this.

    yes i think my life purpose is to have group one become group 2 without compromising values of self respect, freedom, equanimity and bravery.

    soooo

    i still feel pulled inside

    help? who will help daria sort this out?

    will daria sort it out?

    will daria save the world?

    stay tuned

    please share if inspiried

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:08pm

  126. 126: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    TW – thank you for sharing Goddess. I feel admiring of you.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:09pm

  127. 127: TWNo Gravatar says:

    Daria-

    I have never shared that with anyone but today I felt led to share my story so that you would not feel alone. Love you and keep feeling your feelings.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:15pm

  128. 128: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    TW- thank you I feel honored.

    I feel glad I inspired you to open it up for yourself. I feel opened up many times by reading others opening up.

    I feel good now, I feel glad about the message I got about what i want in a man, and babystepping to clarity.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:21pm

  129. 129: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hehe. I literally told him “hold on”

    and put down the phone and jotted down what he had said.! haha! my brain was like MESSAGE

    I intend to take babysteps to opening up with my mom

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:24pm

  130. 130: TWNo Gravatar says:

    Daria-

    I am glad of that. I want to be on that journey with you because I feel emotionally all over the place about my ex. I want us to get back together you know and strat over and be happy like we were before but I have no clue what to do right now you know. I AM getting dressed though to go to a bachelorette party with my friends. STRIPPERS!!!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:27pm

  131. 131: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    TW – what I do about feeling emotionally all over the place as you see is write write write, riff riff riff. it DOES help me, where before NOTHING seemed to.

    also meditating helps me – didnt do that today

    and stretching or other body stuff (not just sex)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:31pm

  132. 132: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Going out in the late afternoon sunshine!

    lol @ strippers!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:31pm

  133. 133: TWNo Gravatar says:

    Daria-

    Meditation sounds nice… Sex with him sounds even better…. LOL

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:32pm

  134. 134: TWNo Gravatar says:

    Daria-

    Gotta get some action some kinda way… LOL… I am getting ready to go but post your thoughts about whta you think I should do about my ex and I will respond when I return. I really value your opinion.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 5:33pm

  135. 135: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: Have you answered the question? Why do you like gangsters? When you say “align with my values” what does that mean? What do you value in this gangster lifestyle? It’s something there that is appealing to you, but it’s covered up by all the other stuff that you don’t want. So… what is it?

    I feel incredibly intrigued. Answer please!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 8:25pm

  136. 136: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I just finished watching “Whip It”, and I totally agree with Rori. I love it! I may have to be a complete nerd and get the soundtrack. (Yes, I have an ipod but no clue how to use it. Gotta get Mr. Fab Kisser to help me. haha!) I feel inspired. Tomorrow I am going to make my house pretty. I love being a girl.

    I can have whatever I want.

    I can have whatever I want.

    Yes, I can have whatever I want.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 8:30pm

  137. 137: SpiderNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, some gangsters grow up and get real jobs and take care of themselves. You could find one of those. :) I *think* I know what you mean by gangsters having your values, but I’d rather hear it from you. Do you mean things like loyalty? You will find that people who were never gangsters also have loyalty. But you have to be as open to them as you want them to be open to you. (I grew up on a poor, rough neighborhood. So I think I know what you mean.)

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 8:47pm

  138. 138: EarthDancerNo Gravatar says:

    Hello lovely sirens Jennifer & Sherry:

    Check all Rori’s posts about circular dating the latest is listed here: Welcome All Men as Your Free Therapists and Let Them Help You Get the Man and the Love You Want

    Tuesday, 9 March 2010 @ 2:23pm • My Weblog

    there’s nothing wrong with you – remember, Circular Dating is about healing YOU on the inside by being able to practice your Tools with a man. There is a message from each of them, and as you heal, the men you attract will get better & better…as Rori says … baby steps! We aren’t going to attract Mr. Right immediately or we wouldn’t be on this site :) love yourself, love the messages that are coming forward to help you get what you find real love…hugs to both of you … don’t lose faith :)

    I too, went out tonight, and although this man was nice, I felt no connection, no ‘spark’, no romance…but what I did feel was old insecurities coming up, so I experienced them and (hopefully) released them. Feel your feelings, your disappointment, your ‘whatever’ and be grateful for the chance to learn :) it really works!!

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 9:41pm

  139. 139: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    Circular Dating –

    OMG!!!! I just found a great online dating site..

    http://www.datetallmen.com – These are some pretty good looking men, triggered all sorts of happy vibes for me! I’m feeling good people. Check it out.

    Friday, 23 April 2010 @ 10:51pm

  140. 140: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Here were the values I had above:

    i feel intrigued that you guys feel intrigued hehe.

    this must be a message to explore this…

    so the values i had found above

    “values of self respect, freedom, equanimity and bravery.”

    and yes loyalty. thanks spider.

    so what happend today hehe:

    more message

    theres this one guy hes kinda “gangster”

    and he wants to date me but sometimes he does stupid things so i told him yesterday i dont see him asa good man. a good person yeah and maybe a good friend but not a man.

    so now he seems to be stepping up

    he wanted me to meet him today so we can do something, and i dindt have anything to do so i did what he said including call him when i was going out, i felt glad, he followed through, we drove around actually i had to meet him in east oakland because his car gazzles gas and he didnt have much money, he was with a friend of his who did have some

    this man when i met hiim he didnt really have anything, then he signed up for a program to get trained as a computer tech and graduated and got hired, and now hes getting promoted

    so i was telling him last week that i want to move in with a man, he wants me to

    he said he wasnt ready to get an apartment
    but now an apartment showed up at his aunts place

    and he wants to get it

    he wants me to go with him because he thinks he looks more legit that way hehe

    hehe i dont have to do anything hes like the one asking me to go, im like hell yeah my free apartment duh i am down

    so now after east oakland, i was like wow there were so many people out, him and his friend wanted to run errands in west oakland, really quick, and i felt bored and unsafe and said so. my girl was with me and shes like what you mean this is cool

    im like… well this feels boring to me, i mean its cool for some errands, but it doesnt feel like the kind of fun id like to be having

    hehe i LOVED how i said that, pre sireness i wouldve never thought of something like that

    hes like im just tryna be with you you know, thats enough for me… and i said yes i like being with you, but i dont like beign here, this doesnt feel like fun!

    i could tell he respected it and liked me more for it hehe

    tHEN the car died and it sucked, we couldnt get a jump, we tried stopping cabs and tow trucks they didnt have cables or the tow truck wanted 65 dollars and his friend did not wnat to pay

    THEN the car magically started but he lost his phone which sucked

    we left and pulled into mac donalds, i had wanted calamari at the bar, but instead i ate a cheeseburger, i like macdonalds regular cheeseburgers, not hte doubles and fries

    oh also my firned was drunk for like 4 hours, i felt soo triggered, cuz she acts crazy and talks non stop to herself and me, saying the same shit over and over like she has altzheimers

    so i practiced my patience and also a lil feleing message

    then i got dropped off i didnt ask him for the gas money i inintially did… but i felt uncomfortable asking knowing he had to ask his friend and he just lost his phone,

    and then oh yeah before this. he was really gracious aobut my friend, but at the end he was like can you clean up after her (she left fries) i would clean up after my friend

    but i was like whaat? i feel bad, i mean thtats not my fault, i will clean it up for you if you think i should, but i dont feel good ….

    and then he said ok.. im like ok waht. hes like ok. no. and he talked aobut other stuff, namely how he will call me on the housephone because he really wants me to go with him to get the apartment

    yay universe. thanks for my apartment. its coming fast

    sooooo yes.

    this was a gangster date.

    and he has a car a job and now an apartment yippedd

    thanks

    oh and security man who hadnt called except for a text yesterday called me 13 times in a row today, including a lovey text

    i feel not connected and not really interested in talking

    and i feel good hes calling me

    sigh

    i feel annoyed by friends who are total alcoholics. i feel on needles like im being constantly bugged and attacked

    i feel so glad to have gotten home yay!

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 2:51am

  141. 141: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just reread my post and i feel judgemental about myself, like i sound naive and like i am not being treated well.

    this was not the case, me and him actually had nice conversation and he most certainly treats me real well, hehe he knows he has to, i felt good.

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 2:53am

  142. 142: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Shannon! I love how you said you’re gonna make your house pretty!

    that sounds so much more fun than – im gonna clean up!

    yay!!

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 2:59am

  143. 143: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ugh i felt so angry and frustrated and irritated and impatient with my friend that i feel guilty to myslef for hanging out with her and not watching her drinking,

    i had told myself before that i wouldn’t go out again with her – not when she’s drinking, but i forgot about it and now this!

    i feel like someoens’ beat me up….

    my thighs feel tight… i love my tight thighs…

    on the other hand i feel THRILLED to be home

    no one is asking me
    daria

    daria

    hellooo helloooo

    im talking to u

    daria

    where aree wee

    why are you being mean to me

    noo

    i dont want to

    daria

    dariaa

    hey

    heyy

    hellooo
    daria

    helloooo

    omg

    4 hours.

    NON stop. while im talking to someone, or whatever

    she also thought my guy was attractive hehe

    i felt amused.

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 3:04am

  144. 144: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel amused that Security is acting so classic irresponsible man

    like not calling me for 3 days, just one text

    then blowing up my phone 13 calls ina row, no voicemail

    my “i know what men are thinking voice” which is never wrong however also not that helpful because who cares what men are thinking its more like what can i inspire them to by WHAT DO I NOT WANT AND FEEL

    says taht he thinks its romantic. to call me so many times and say, hey baby i missed u, blah blah, i wanted to see you so baddddd i called u so much when i got a chance

    well

    i dont like not hearing from someone and then at sporadic times getting lots of calls in a row, and no voicemail

    it feels good to be wanted
    i dont want to be treated that way… i feel kina bad

    i don’t want to tolerate not hearing from a man regularly and being treated casually

    step up patna

    hehe

    i feel excited that my feelings are in tune with my boundaries

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 3:09am

  145. 145: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this girl has called me 8 times in a row so far since i dropped her off. i feel angry, that feels like being tightened up around my middle and thigh. i love my angry furious feelings.

    mmm feels like they’re melting and flowing. ouch1 i love the tightness in my shin.

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 3:12am

  146. 146: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my knees and ankles feel hot, i did a little stretching and the 5 minute donna eden energy routine which clears my fears in the morning, im sipping hot parsley tea, i feel good

    i love my hot tops of feet and knees

    thank u

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 3:42am

  147. 147: dawnNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Ladies, Ive started to meditate and I gotta tell ya , WOW ! Actually wow is sorta the opposite of how you end up feeling. I had to take my journey to the next level. So peacefull and calm. Ive really just started so Im sure it can only get better with time.Breathe in the good exhale the bad ! Stress levels vanish and after the 20 minutes is up its like a great nights sleep ! I feel centered, calm and if I dare say blissfull .

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 6:15am

  148. 148: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Sounds lovely, Dawn. I have not been able to sleep for the past month. Been living on five hours and I cannot figure out what it is.

    Daria, I loved how you said that you were “brushed, washed and fed.” Makes me feel all cool and fresh inside. That also ignited my hunger…but the fridge is kind of empty. :( Guess I better go grocery shopping. I love my hunger. Reminds me that I’m alive, healthy and vibrant with a lot to offer the world. :) I feel good and just from those three words of feeling yummy hungry! Ahhh I love learning how to get into my feelings.

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 10:01am

  149. 149: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Now I have the “hungry hungry hippos” commercial jingle stuck in my head. *shakes head* I am weird…I love my weirdness.

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 10:13am

  150. 150: Alicia2 MichelleNo Gravatar says:

    CD Dating- Sexual Boundries.

    I’m talking to this guy (we have been out twice) we had great fun and got really flirty with text for a few days, then I felt like it was going in a direction that was just making me feel like a sex object so I said something using feeling statements. And he responded great.. totally more then I expected. Now I haven’t heard from him in a few but, I do think I will again.. Anyway, I guess it’s never to soon to bring up how you feel? I’m just getting used to this. And also I want to have a relationship that is sensual but, not based just on sex.

    When I was a kid around 5 or 6, my friends dad touched me one time below the belt while we were sleeping. It started out with the tickling stomache and then went lower. Just hands. Her mom called my mom and said she he may be sexually abusing her. So I never some them again. I wouldn’t say it was sexually abuse exactly.

    But, there is this cycle of your body – naturally responds to physical sensation that feels good, then shame, then rejecting behavior.. (to yourself or them) not exactly accepting behavior because of the shame. So, I realize it’s taken me along time to have intimacy and along time to say it doesnt have to be all or nothing.. Sexual then.. no true intimacy.. It’s confusing. Sex is good, but, then I feel bad. I need to find a middle.. or a place where it feels good before, during and after. ( I mean that in emotional phases as well, as pysical)

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 10:58am

  151. 151: Alicia2 MichelleNo Gravatar says:

    Error*

    When I was a kid.. Her mom called my mom and said she thought her husband may be sexually abusing thier daughter. And I never saw them again. I wouldnt call it sexual abuse to me because it happened once.

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 11:00am

  152. 152: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    I told Frenchie that I didn’t want a FWB situation because it didn’t feel good. He responded, “ok, let me know if you change your mind.” I thought that would be the end of it, but nope! He’s asking me out again! I’ll bet he thinks this is a game, LOL. I feel a little annoyed that he didn’t listen the first time. But I’ll just keep saying what I don’t want and how I feel until it becomes clear.

    I realized something yesterday… I was reading old texts in which I used feeling messages, and was saying things like “I feel unsure, I feel scared”. At the time, I was taking a risk that I would look weak and needy. But reading back through those texts, I realize that – even though I’m expressing ‘soft’ emotions – I actually sounded very confident! I mean, only a confident person can express her true feelings – even the ‘soft’ ones – without making it the other person’s fault! That was an a-ha! moment for me!

    Taking a shower this morning, I shut off my brain and decided to really FEEL the water and the experience of the shower. Time slowed wayyyy down, and I had ANOTHER a-ha moment! Living in the moment… REALLY focusing on what you are doing and how it FEELS… is VERY feminine. Out of the brain, into the body. Fear leaves at that moment too. Because there’s nothing fearful about being in a shower! I fear the future – the “what-if’s”. But THAT’S a thinking place, not a FEELING place. So if I can remember to jump into my girl energy when I feel fearful, I will save myself a lot of heartache.

    Finally – observation from CD. By dating so many men, I am completely allowing them to show me who they REALLY are. I am leaning back naturally, and so have no choice to see the situation clearly for what it is. Frenchie just wants sex, another guy is too focused on work for a relationship, another one isn’t really interested in me, and another is really sweet and I like him! It feels good to feel like I am the chooser and don’t have to be at the whim of a man’s life circumstances!

    Oh, now I feel so grateful for Rori and all you Sirens here! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 12:42pm

  153. 153: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wait Siena –

    why dont you let him take you out? u dont have to get into a friends with benefits situation. and if he brings it up, you’ve already told him that’s not what you want…

    so id assume he’s taking me out on a date to date

    unless the issue was really making me feel bad…

    hmmm

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 12:53pm

  154. 154: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Siena!!!!!

    that sounds WONDERFUL!! told you it was fun!hhee

    more than fun. its deep.

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 12:54pm

  155. 155: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, good point. If he asks me out for a real date, then I would go and have fun. Listen for his message, feel good about being desired.

    But I’d also have to be REALLY careful, because I’m just now building good boundaries for myself. I encountered this same type (different guy) last year, and crashed and burned. I was the opposite of Siren in that situation… so I just have to be careful to keep speaking my boundaries and feeling my way through it.

    But, I ain’t gonna turn down a french hottie if he decides he wants to pamper me and tell me I’m wonderful!

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 12:57pm

  156. 156: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena I love you!!!! yay!!!!! I love this!!!

    But, I ain’t gonna turn down a french hottie if he decides he wants to pamper me and tell me I’m wonderful!

    ME NEITHER!!!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 1:03pm

  157. 157: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    PS – once you have DECIDED to have boundaries, there will be no more crashing and burning, because you can ALways jump back on your bridge

    the experimenting is what allows us to Feel our boundaries after we decided them – there may be some bad feeling moments, defining our boundaries, but thats all they will be – moments

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 1:06pm

  158. 158: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    yayyyyyyyy! I love you too Daria! I was thinking about you yesterday while on the freeway, and I thought – wow! what a brave, awesome woman! It would be so cool to be able to hang out with her in person!

    And sometimes… (yes, I’ve actually thought this) while hesitating before I say how I REALLY feel to a guy, the thought runs through my mind, “what would Daria do?” and then I feel brave again and speak my feelings. hahahaha, it feels lame to say that, but until I get all my own Siren strength, I’m feeding off of yours and the other Sirens here!!

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 1:07pm

  159. 159: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you about the experimenting, and that’s why I would go out with Frenchie if he asks me for a real date. Because I feel challenging to him, so he’d pour it all on, and I’d have to REALLY trust myself as I explored my boundaries. (He told me last night that if I came out he would make me coffee. Umm, what? Like at YOUR HOUSE? Ahhh, no thanks!)

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 1:10pm

  160. 160: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hehe Siena I feel happy and loved!

    i use the what would (insert Goddess) do? tool as well

    sometimes i even feel resentful of said Goddess,

    now i realized when i felt jealous, thats showing me what i want and WILL have!

    plus i can use that with tapping for more powerful subconscious imput

    ohhh
    time for tutoring!

    ohhh
    you said i was powerful! yay

    i want to post my toastmasters speech and the one icky feeling comment i got. – for healing

    but later

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 1:22pm

  161. 161: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Siena,

    my intuition is telling me that Frenchy is definately intrigued by you because you told him no. I feel that maybe his radar is telling him, “let the games begin” lol. I feel a good confidence from you in how you’re standing your ground. I feel that necessity in the circular dating world.

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 6:25pm

  162. 162: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Siena. I’m loving your Travels with Frenchie. I don’t think it was on this site (maybe?), but I came across something recently about French women’s attitudes towards dating. It’s so Siren. They are princesses to be pampered — you’ve got that right. They are aloof and mysterious and tough as nails. They know Things. Men are playthings. Not in a disrespectful or dismissive way, but really fun toys that the women think are adorable. I see lots of fun with this man if he plays his cards right. You just keep being Siena.

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 6:44pm

  163. 163: J-RockNo Gravatar says:

    Loved this movie, btw. Love roller derby. A few years ago, I had mad roller derby fantasies. If I were younger… My name would’ve been Irish McKillya (after Irish McCalla, who was among other things Sheena, Queen of the Jungle), and I would’ve had a whole Vargas girl pinup kick your ass thing working. Ah, another life…

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 7:21pm

  164. 164: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    J-Rock and AJ, thank you for your responses, I feel honored!

    I have a feeling that Frenchie MIGHT try one more time, but I feel I’ve already received his message loud and clear. This was a do-over from a situation last year that haunted me for a while. One where I TOTALLY gave up my power! This time, I was able to honor myself and speak my true feelings without feeling intimidated. And I feel so good about that!! Frenchie was much sexier than last year’s Fiasco Man, and I didn’t fold!! And you know what!? Even better… I didn’t even consider folding!! Yay boundaries!!

    Saturday, 24 April 2010 @ 9:34pm

  165. 165: dawnNo Gravatar says:

    I feel disgusted. I dont want a man to define me. I dont need a mans love or attention to be worthy. I feel alive knowing i am awesome on my own . I have the right to be as happy and cherished as anyone else. He will come when I am ready. He will love my heart. I dont want a man who only sees beauty, or dollars. I feel good to wait for the one who deserves me. I feel power knowing I am me. I got through life on T n A . Im tired of it. Too much left unsaid. Too many questions and no answers. Too many lies and no truth. I wont play the game. I wont be the loser. If they dont want my heart they dont want me. I can live the way i choose. I set my boundries and do what feels good to me. I do what I like. If he dont like it he can go fuck himself. Double standards infuriate me. I feel no loss . I feel no pain. I feel sad for the men that think we need them. I feel great concern for the women who love them. I feel tired of this game we play to soothe egos . I feel dumbstruck when intelligence goes by the wayside in search of what we think we need . We need to love and honor ourselves. I feel it absurd to give all we have to someone who is undeserving. I feel love and respect for my sisters. I feel my arms outstretched to hold and console them. I want peace. I want a happy ending for all . I want all to see that what they search for is inside them. I want their tears to dry and manifest a life of love for themselves. We have had it since birth . Life can suck it out of you . I feel great love for Rori and all here. My sisters , my confidants I love and cherish you all !!

    Sunday, 25 April 2010 @ 8:49am

  166. 166: IngridNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Dawn!

    I loved your post above! You are a very strong woman, and I admire you so much! I wish I was more like you. I feel weak, and that I need my man, in more ways than one. I need him. I need a partner to stand along side me in life, in raising my kids, in helping around the home, helping financially, being there for me when I am tired, being there for me in all ways, and I for him. I don’t want to be alone, divorced or without my husband. I want to endure to the end. I admit I am more of the dependent type. I love being this way, yet, at times, I feel I wish I was a career woman again, then I would have much more options to not take all the shit that sometimes is thrown upon us women in our relationships, which is plain yuccy. Still, I appreciated your post so much Dawn. You are one brave gal! Any man is lucky to have you!

    Blessings~\
    Ingrid

    Sunday, 25 April 2010 @ 9:58am

  167. 167: EarthDancerNo Gravatar says:

    Dawn, I feel teary, I feel honored, I feel validated by your words. Thank you ;) *hugs* xoxo

    Sunday, 25 April 2010 @ 11:17am

  168. 168: dawnNo Gravatar says:

    I desire committed love, I desire financial freedom , I desire to keep my house, I desire excellent health, I desire to work fulltime, I desire happiness , I desire friendship, I desire to help others, I desire to feel good, I desire to be an awesome human being, I desire to live in the moment, I desire peace for ALL, I desire harmony for ALL, . Thank you Universe!!!!

    Sunday, 25 April 2010 @ 1:46pm

  169. 169: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, I just read all your posts written over the weekend, and I feel such a desire to just devote the whole day to responding to every little thing! But it isn’t possible, because I have responsibilities. So I will summarize my feelings and thoughts…

    First tho, let me share with you my latest. Okay, I’m juggling three men:

    Kenny – My ex, the gangsta type, Daria! LOL! We’ve known each other 10 yrs and were married long distance 2003-2006 (marriage in name only). We are friends, and he is one of my best friends. He would remarry me in a heartbeat, but I have too many reasons not to.

    Ryan – The one who led me on to a fake proposal last year, who I remain in love with.

    Bill – The man at work who I am just getting to know.

    Last Thursday, Bill treated me pretty much like he would a puppy, like hi but go away. He’s well on his way to being disqualified.

    Kenny is totally in the doghouse after hanging up on me when I was trying to tell him my feelings, just cuz he didn’t agree.

    Ryan is my muse, and he is in my feelings constantly. He’s Mr. Mysterious, and he is very sparing on words, which drives me insane in a I-gotta-have-more-of-you way, like a nonstop longing of my yoni and heart at the same time. He’s my drug, and I got to 10 full days of NO TEXTING RYAN!

    Monday, 26 April 2010 @ 7:14am

  170. 170: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, I just read all your posts written over the weekend, and I feel such a desire to just devote the whole day to responding to every little thing! But it isn’t possible, because I have responsibilities. So I will summarize my feelings and thoughts…

    First tho, let me share with you my latest. Okay, I’m juggling three men:

    Kenny – My ex, the gangsta type, Daria! LOL! We’ve known each other 10 yrs and were married long distance 2003-2006 (marriage in name only). We are friends, and he is one of my best friends. He would remarry me in a heartbeat, but I have too many reasons not to.

    Ryan – The one who led me on to a fake proposal last year, who I remain in love with.

    Bill – The man at work who I am just getting to know.

    Last Thursday, Bill treated me pretty much like he would a puppy, like hi but go away. He’s well on his way to being disqualified.

    Kenny is totally in the doghouse after hanging up on me when I was trying to tell him my feelings, just cuz he didn’t agree.

    Ryan is my muse, and he is in my feelings constantly. He’s Mr. Mysterious, and he is very sparing on words, which drives me insane in a I-gotta-have-more-of-you way, like a nonstop longing of my yoni and heart at the same time. He’s my drug, and I got to 10 full days of NO TEXTING RYAN!

    Monday, 26 April 2010 @ 7:14am

  171. 171: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, I didn’t mean to send that comment yet, cuz I called him last night!!! Hehehe! Bad Bren, did it again! I was back and forth all day. Sundays are hard cuz it’s the weekend and there’s his evening church service where he took me one time and it was such a loving day last July, when he even got tears in his eyes as he told me, “I care for you.” So I’m always tempted to go to his church, and he even said I could, yet I know it’s best to stay away. Give him space; lean back; let him come to me.

    Ten days of no contacting him was a total record for me, and I’m proud of me even tho I called him last night. The stinker knows my habits and he banks on predicting my behavior. So when I called the first time, he didn’t take the call, true to form. He lets me leave a message then gauges my moods and decides from there if he will allow me to contact him.

    I left no message. I waited an hour. Bren, DON’T CALL HIM BACK! DON’T CALL HIM BACK! I texted him in an hour, “Why won’t you even say hello?” That sounds so weeeeak, Bren! Why are you such a marshmellow for him? Because I AM a marshmellow! I love him and I miss him and I want what I want: my Ryan fix! LOL! Rori’s groaning, I know it!

    I waited another hour, while listening to Delilah. The song came on about calling in the middle of the night even tho I know I shouldn’t (can’t think of the title). I called him again, feeling so down on myself that he KNEW I would, cuz I always do.

    He picked up. He was friendly. Part of me wanted to be mad at him for me being mad at me for being so weak with him, and him just licking his lips like a cat toying with a mouse between its paws. Lilly-livered Brenda! I was screaming to myself while ever-so-delighted that my bad boy, Ryan was on the phone. We actually had a 7 minute conversation. I am so PATHETIC! But I choose to love my pathetickness, because I am a girl, and girls aren’t always carrying swords and hefting armor.

    He said, “How are you doing?”
    “All riiiight. It’s just that, Ryan, I MISS you.”
    PATHETIC WHINER! I don’t care! I DO miss him, and it feels good to hear his beautiful, mellifluous voice! I got that word from Drew in “Never Been Kissed”…hehehe!
    Don’t bring up him ignoring your call and text earlier…don’t make him wrong.
    “How are YOU doing?”
    “I don’t feel too well tonight.”
    “Oh, sorry to hear that. I just miss you. Did you know you’re my drug?”
    “I don’t know, am I?”
    “Yes, I’m a Ryan junkie, and I’m getting my fix.”
    “Oh.” I laughed to myself that at least he took it in stride. I already asked him if he’d be my muse, and he texted, “Haha” a couple weeks ago. I told him I was serious and I think of him as my muse.
    “Can I see you?” I haven’t seen him since…I have to think…February, when he attended ONE of my counseling sessions, not to cooperate and make peace, but to try to embarrass me in front of my counselor with all my shortcomings, and then walked out before it was done.
    “Well, not tonight, but give me a call later this week and we’ll get together, okay?”
    We chit-chatted about other stuff, too, of course. So I folded, and felt like a heel, but also Ryan knows me well enough now that he knows my heart beyond my pathetickness and I know he likes my heart or he wouldn’t still be in contact with me at all.

    When I got off the phone, I felt content and happy, at least a little happy…I had my Ryan fix. And even tho my action was pathetic, I don’t feel pathetic. I feel happy that I’ll be seeing him later this week. And I get to practice more of my tools. What do I like about naughty Ryan? He listens to me. He’s the best listener in the world! Not to mention the best hugger and the best kisser! LOL!

    I want to respond to more of your posts later, but right now I need to get busy with other things. I thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone’s posts, and I found my new favorite website! Have a shimmery day!

    With siren love,
    Brenda

    Monday, 26 April 2010 @ 7:33am

  172. 172: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, now I want to comment about gangsters. Daria, I can totally relate. I was raised in the country and most of the farmers where I lived hired farm hands that were from halfway houses. So I was around the bad boys from childhood, and I found them wild and exciting! Good boys seemed dull and boring.

    I even gave a good boy a chance in the 90s, three chances. We played tennis and went to a movie, and I couldn’t get a conversation going or find any humor with him. We went to a state fair…again, a total dud! Then he invited me to accompany him to a friend’s wedding. I made numerous attempts to get a conversation going and nothing. Just mmm-hmmm or oh or looking away. Next thing I knew, he was starting conversations left and right during the reception, networking for his own business. I felt so disgusted deep down inside, feeling totally neglected. Like if this is how bored I am on our third date imagine how I’d feel 3 years, or even 3 weeks, into marriage! I never saw him again.

    I’ve corresponded with men in prison for 21 years. It’s a lonely way to go, when they’re not in person, and I’ve paid the price in loneliness. All-in-all, I do find them wild and exciting, and more trustworthy than I would have guessed. But I’m sick of that route now, too, and I just want an exciting man who knows how to love, feel, and think. I want an intuitive, sensitive, intelligent man, and I will have nothing less.

    To me it’s not about his money, possessions, career, or any other things that are most commonly weighed and most visible. It’s about his heart. Is he kind (I will not commit myself to Ryan unless I see long-term change in him)? Does he value me and my feelings? Will he take the time to get to know my heart and see me as a human being, not just as two tits and a pussy?

    So I’m saying I’ll take a gangster or a non-gangster, as long as he has those inner qualities.

    Monday, 26 April 2010 @ 8:14am

  173. 173: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    uggg.
    I feel judgmental of me. Really a lot.
    One one hand my “money friend” Just got a diamond ring…i haven’t seen it but I’m sure it aint small.
    On the other hand the guy who is “into” me overwhelms me and makes me feel a little smothered. Can I have it both ways?
    Can I stop being a bitch for like two stupid seconds?

    Monday, 26 April 2010 @ 4:20pm

  174. 174: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting Manifestation -lol and emotional.. whew!

    OMG! The guy who led me here and caused me to start CD dating and following Rori’s advice obviously has a pull on my heart. I call him John Deere.. cause he lives on a ranch.. I’ve been strong about not texting, never calling as I know this would feel akward. As much CD dating I do, I do however still think of him but, my energy has shifted…
    Yesterday, I was driving home… and a huge John Deere machine pulled out in front of me.. I just go hmmm interesting feeling. And then I moved on..

    However, I am weak about sending funny forwards to him. And I know even that for me is a way of leaning forward… AND IT”S BEEN SO HARD TO STOP…. BUT :)! I finally came up with a plan that would help me. I walked in the house, checked my email. I decided to email MYSELF and on the Subject line I wrote…. DO NOT SEND MEN FUNNY FORWARDS – Fwd is masculine energy.. This includes John Deere!!!! LEAN BACK!!!! (My plan is to let this sit in my inbox.. to remind me…) And in the body of the email. I wrote.. This does not honor him. He will find you, let him hunt you, Keep dating other men… You are a siren! Lean back.. The right man is here.. enjoy who you are.. Do not over function. Lean back, lean back.. Stay Beautiful!!! :)

    Alright, LOL! I sent it to myself… AND When my inbox screen came up. It said new message from JOHN DEERE! OMG!! :) :) I freaked for a second and thought I sent him my message intended for me.. But, noooo he had sent me email in that exact moment! lol

    It was just kinda crazy!!! But, funny timing. I read it, almost responded but, I could tell I was thinking and in my head so, I stopped, switched the response name to myself and wrote out how I was feeling and then decided to respond to how I felt… Then I started crying.. wento my room, got on the floor “kneeling” – crying big huge sobs, crawled in bed and took a nap.. I decided not to respond.. yet or maybe ever… I feel soo much better today!

    But, I do think law of attraction was at play yesterday, between the John Deere machine putting my thought on him, to the emails.. It just felt wierd. haha

    Tuesday, 27 April 2010 @ 1:31pm

  175. 175: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Alicia – wow! i feel so glad you decided to feel your feelings instead of instantresponding. that is super super awesome. what a huge babystep to do ! i remember my first Kneeling episode… it was wow

    Tuesday, 27 April 2010 @ 1:42pm

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