I really appreciate your comments and reading your posts. Like all the other ladies said, it’s nice to know other people are feeling the same way (even if it is through the silly internet).

For me–I am active duty in the military now and about to go abroad. I thought I would marry a guy a while back but he didn’t like the idea of me working. I am with someone else now…but like that girl said on her post, it feels “wishy-washy”. Just…so so.

I think I should end it but am too afraid I won’t find anyone else. How is it that I can be trained to go to war but can’t handle not having a boyfriend?

I would like to share my story only because I have to share with people that understand and can better advise…..I was in a relationship for over 8 years off and on and he was a gentleman/pig. He loved and admired women (almost too much). I fell madly in love with him and could not get enough of him. We moved in together for about 3 1/2 years and he began using Cocaine and became extremely addicted and I wanted to make sure that he was always okay because at one point he almost over dosed so I remained in this horrible situation where I let “myself” go my life and everything that was special about me go as well but, I was the only one there who could make sure he was okay at one point he told me that a family member was coming to visit him and we only had a 1 bedroom so he asked if he could get me a hotel for a week so he can spend time with this family member although I had my “womens intuition” I still obliged later to find out that it was another women he stayed with and he cried and apologized and I left and of course forgave him and went back and then his job relocated him to another state close to his ex-wife whom I knew he would visit and vice versa but, he was only gone for 1 1/2 years and out of that 1 1/2 years he visited me at least 4 times. Well he asked his boss to be relocated back to where I was at because the only family he had here in the states was where he was relocated to but, he wanted to move back here where myself and my family are. During his time away he treated me horribly when he was not here and when he came back it was different story and it felt like we had started where we left off but, then he begin to disrepect me and insult me and I was tired of it and could not longer handle it and luckily for me I kept my apartment. Last night, he told me to go over and I went and he started with me again and this time looked at him with disgust and told him “Good Bye”. Then I get an email this morning:
Sorry again……..Don’t know what to say, I apologize but this is not fair, I am horrible.
I made you cry again.

I love him with all my heart but, I am through with all of this but, the issue that I have is how do I do it? Is there some kind of protocol to follow, please someone lead me in the right direction……..

Sincerely,

Why are we or I, so in need of labeling or owning someone, or saying we have a husband or we are married, why is that so important?

Why can’t we just meet people, enjoy them, hang with them and let it be what it is going to be? People change, things change, nothing is a guarantee, so why spend so much time trying to create a relationship, when it is going to change anyway or when it isn’t guaranteed.

Who wants to go through life, giving of oneself to someone so much, that when they are no longer around, we are just in shock and a mess. What a hard lesson to learn-no guarantees, loss, grief.

Why not-not claim / ownership of anyone, accept them for who they are and enjoy them when you can? I am not talking about having sex and saying bye- or changing gender preferences. I am talking about connecting with someone in a meaningful way, what ever that may be for both individuals and living life without counting on or depending on someone that is going to change or die or leave for whatever reason.

Change is inevitable, we change all the time, as we receive new information, meet new people and experience life.

Nothing in life is guaranteed, so why act like it is.

Yes, we need to connect with other human beings, we need companionship, just like we need to eat, and sleep.

So what is the problem? Why the drama? Why aren’t we comfortable in our own skin, enough not to need another to make us feel stuff we need. Why can’t we do it on our own, create this feeling of security, love, happiness?

We are responsible for ourselves, our lives and happiness. No one else.

this will be my second marriage, to a man who didn’t tell me when we first met and for the first 6 months, that he was on prozac and chronically depressed. A man who changed from night to day after a year of living with him and being married to him. A stubborn man, who never makes an effort to change or apologize, a man who takes and never gives back. Who never made room for me in his house or heart. I will be moving soon and creating my own happy space with my son. I don’t know what is going to happen, except I am going to follow joy. Joy has already found me and will continue to follow me around as I make the decisions necessary to create a happy environment for me and my son, without looking elsewhere or to someone else for what it is I need.