Comments on: Why Does A Man Treat You Badly

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 05:50:08 +0000

Silver, Welcome, and why do you feel this is all you deserve? Are you dependent on him financially? If so – then getting work to support yourself is important so you can feel independent enough to at least be in charge of your own life. You sound like you feel it’s okay to feel this bad in a marriage. It’s one thing to ADAPT to a man – no one says we have to be married or in any kind of relationship at all – and another to feel like a non-person, as you feel. Coaching, and women’s groups, and some interests outside the marriage would be wonderful for you. Whyever do you feel you need his permission to have friends? Start with girlfriends, and interesting classes, and do those to keep the friction down while you get used to having a life. Love, Rori

By: Silver

Silver — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 23:53:59 +0000

I read this post of yours.. http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/why-does-a-man-treat-you-badly/ and the only real question I seem to have is how do I do what you recommend if I am married, 28 years since I was 18, and when did bring up going out with some ppl from work – an invitation by one of the guys there to join a dart group- it was met with a flat out ‘I wont allow you to go out with some guy, the dart thing is b.s.’
Basicly it left me feeling wrong, guilty, and like I am not permitted to do anything that is not pre approved of , yet I have no say in what he decides to do or when he decides to go out alone because somehow that is different then me going out without him yet when we do go out together I am expected to sit quietly and wait while he talks and has a good time with others. I end up feeling like part of the furniture.
So how can you circular date without ending up being confronted ,accused and treated as if you have done something wrong. Btw. he admires the women around us who are flirting, outgoing, and who toss out suggestive comments to him and others but NOT when I try to join in . I have no clue what it is he wants women like that?, because I feel it is not me he wants but rather I am something he is usto having there.

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 01:45:51 +0000

Lisa – Is this all you think you deserve? What exactly do you want – and is he giving it to you? If he feels you’re not meeting his needs, likely you aren’t a good match. And it would only help you to ask him what exactly he means, how you could meet his needs, so as long as you’re determined to stay with him, at least you can learn and practice new skills. Love, Rori

By: Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 18:54:57 +0000

Rori-
I have been living with a man for 3 years now. There have been numerous bumps in the road. Many arguments where he has ended up putting his hands on me, all surrounding his infidelities. Things are not always bad. We have wonderful moments that make me realize how much I love him. Then it is like it scares him and he leaves to go on dates with his “friends”.He has actually said that there will not be monogamy until we are married. How can I stay and hope for that when his indescretions are killing me? He claims he cheats and has cheated because he is not getting what he needs from me. Yet, everything I do is never enough.. I am getting to the point where dealing with this difficult man is too much. Do you have any advise? I want a husband and children, but is this difficult man even really worth feeling like his yo-yo?

By: Getting the old me back

Getting the old me back — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 13:50:24 +0000

Wow! You’re quick. You know, it’s all so weird. In the past, relationships always just ” happened” for me. I was the one who always got bored and ended them, and my kids and 2 serious relationships (one being a marriage) took up my last 19 years. I never really learned how to date, and I’ve taken to the Internet to learn more. Boy, have i learned a lot! But I’m obviously not done, as I have a lot more to learn. Thankfully, I know what mistakes I’ve made, and hope to not repeat them. I just know that all will work out for me. Your site,and others like it, help women navigate these tough waters. Being open minded helps, though. But, putting youself first is most important and i think it could help ease some of the suffering women go through thinking that their job in life is to “please a man”.

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 06:32:53 +0000

Getting, Welcome, and I look forward to reading more from you! Love, Rori

By: Getting the old me back

Getting the old me back — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 02:09:55 +0000

P.S. putting all of this in writing has helped, and keeping a journal of bad traits puts everything into perspective

By: Getting the old me back

Getting the old me back — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 02:00:59 +0000

This site is INSANE! ( in a good way!). I got divorced a year and a half ago. Not a horrible marriage, but things weren’t working for us and I decided to end it after some rough times. Always had very high self esteem, but ending the marriage has come back to bite me emotionally. I was in two dead-end relationships. The last one i ended a few weeks ago. He has a LOT of issues,and could never fully open up to me. He always said he wanted to change things about himself, but never followed through. i always made excuses for him. i finally had enough, and told him i was leaving my options open, as it were. My experiences weren’t nearly as bad as some of the other women that have written but, nonetheless, I wasn’t being true to myself. I have started dating already but am not rushing into anything this time. Seeing what others have gone through helps me to put my experiences into perspective, and I am slowly becoming that “I ain’t takin’ shit from him” kind of girl that I once was. Thanks for opening up and listening to these women, and I wish them all the best. True love truly DOES come from within, and until we as women realize that, we will never be complete. I will get back to who I was, the girl that commands attention from men just by being WHO I AM! I just hope other women can follow my lead.

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 18:21:15 +0000

gipsika – There is NO reason on this planet that I would personally stay with a man who was doing what you say your husband is doing for more than 2 months. If he refused to get professional help, go to AA, see a doctor, TALK about it – I’d be out of there with the kids. That’s where your responsibility lies. You SAY that your kids would be damaged by your leaving – but, do you KNOW that to be true? I think if YOU got professional help for this, with people familiar with the situation you describe, you’d get the advice you need. Right now, you’re just “sitting in the pits.” It’s your responsibility to yourself and to your kids to not tolerate this situation. His life is up to him. Yours and your kids is up to you. Love, Rori

By: gipsika

gipsika — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 01:34:43 +0000

Hey Rori. I read this correctly,

“If you ALLOW a man to treat you badly (assuming you’re not in a traumatic, helpless situation) – and this means ANY way that doesn’t feel GOOD and nourishing to you…then you must take responsibility for it.”

???

In other words, he who was already a responsible male, husband of several years and father of three (and partial breadwinner) decides to go on a drinking spree of 3 years, because he (basically) moves into midlife crisis and feels it’s the only way he can “stay young”, while losing his income and relying on me to keep things going, and it’s MY responsibility?

I can of course walk away – to the damage of the kids.

How do you justify this, between “a woman cannot change a man” and “if he behaves badly it’s YOUR responsibility”??

Sorry, you lost me right there.