Why He Disappeared – Do You Accept the Wrong Men

You know how I love Evan Marc Katz – I also know how challenging he is – he’s so “in-your-face” – and that’s what I LOVE about him.  He’s just a man.  A regular man.  With all the issues men come with – and he’s just so forthright about it all, he doesn’t hold back, he tells his truth – and you may think his truth is NOT the truth of most men – but it IS, it really is.

It’s sort of getting to hear what a man – nearly ANY man is feeling and thinking behind whatever they’re acting like they’re feeling and thinking.

Here’s a piece of an article he wrote that’s just so true, and so Evan’s style:

You Don’t Attract the Wrong Men. You ACCEPT The Wrong Men

What happens when you find yourself incredibly attracted to a man? Well, there’s the feeling of chemistry and everything that comes along with it – the obsessive highs that come with wanting to be with him, the joy of feeling incredibly connected, and, what you may forget, the willful blindness that allows you to overlook his flaws.

That’s one of the most miraculous things about chemistry: it allows you to focus only on the good and ignore all the bad.

Which is why you can have incredible chemistry and end up in a TERRIBLE relationship, where he doesn’t call you, doesn’t sleep with you, doesn’t compliment
you, doesn’t make you feel safe, and doesn’t commit to you.

But you stick around because of how strong your rare FEELINGS are. You’ve now discovered the real secret to why you’re in dead end relationships:

You don’t attract the wrong men, you accept the wrong men.

If you consistently find yourself in relationships with liars, cheaters, addicts, leeches, or commitmentphobes, your job isn’t to get them to stop lying, cheating,
drinking, mooching or flaking. Your job is to leave.

You’ll never stop attracting the wrong men, but starting now, you can stop ACCEPTING their bad behavior… and save yourself years of heartbreak and pain.

Amen.

I know Evan – and I know he’s on our side…and he’s really a sweetheart. (Even at a dinner table in the middle of a long, sometimes boring networking meeting, he’s fun, funny, sweet, and he keeps on telling his refreshing truth…)

Evan isn’t just putting his own, unique take on everything about relationships – he’s got experience knowing and talking with other men, experience talking with women, with his clients (tons of them) who he’s shepherded through the dating gauntlet starting from having no love to having total, forever love. So – whether you like it or not – he knows what he’s talking about.

Even what he says about his wife and how he came to know he loved her and wanted to marry her, and how happy he is being married and WHY he’s so happy being married sometimes draws upset and offense from his readers – though his wife guest posts for him and loves him completely. He’s pretty fearless about wanting to help women – even if we don’t always like what he says.

His book – Why He Disappeared – is no exception.  It’s straight-talking, shoot-from-the-hip, tough-love and truth from his very experienced (and very smart and insightful) perspective.

The book is going to launch on August 17th (today!) – and you may see a lot of newsletters directing you to it – I just wanted to let you know I have the book, I’ve read it, and it’s very helpful. So – if you’d like to take a look at it…here’s a link (non-affiliate, so I have no stake in this – I just like Evan personally and professionally, and I like the book), and—oh my, I just went to the link – and there’s my recommendation of the book in a big box…so… oh – and I also see there are a bunch of bonuses attached – if you don’t want that package (some pretty good stuff, though, I’m seeing…), there’s a pop up for just the book…well, look for yourself and let me know:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/products/why-he-disappeared-launch.html

If you get it, let me know how it works for you, and I’ll have Evan show up here and field all your questions and challenges – even if you don’t like what he says, he keeps right on trying to help…and I know what he says is the truth – because MOST men are looking for something that’s really NOT what they want…(just like us…) it’s just an inner pressure…and so, Evan knows this big time in himself, and so it’s just helpful to hear him talk about it and what you can do about it – and what you can’t do about it…

Love, Rori

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1,248 Comments to “Why He Disappeared – Do You Accept the Wrong Men”

  1. 1: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, I LOVE this article, Rori!! It is exactly what I wonder about when I left my toxic but charismatic amazing guy and moved Up to slightly boring but kind. It is a wonderful distinction that I didn’t attract him, I just accepted him. The attraction thing can start to make you feel like a crazy person if you let it, but acceptance? I can take responsibility for that and go from there.

    Thank you bunches!!!
    Jacqueline

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 1:29pm

  2. 2: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Mistake #2 on Evan’s link completely resonates with me. I believe this very strongly and it may feel limited to some women but for me this feel liberating.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 1:49pm

  3. 3: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my girl is giving me good Rori avice

    i noticed i have been feeling bad that u don’t express romantic interest in me, and i don’t want to hear about your baby mama. what do you think?
    : how about
    : i REALLY don’t want to hear about your baby mama.
    : he’ll be like blah blah attitude
    : and you can be like
    : i don’t like it and it feels terrible to keep talking about it
    : or
    : he’ll say sorry
    : and u can be like
    : thank you, i don’t like it and it feels terrible to keep taking about it.”

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 1:55pm

  4. 4: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hi,

    i feel glad to hear from you,

    i noticed ive been feeling bad that you dont express romantic interest in me, and I Really don’t want to hear about your baby mama. What do you think?

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 1:56pm

  5. 5: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oooh… i feel very excited reading Mistake number 1.

    Its Clicking that men don’t care if im financially indepnednt – NV have a cookie – they dont. i choose to believe it

    they want a woman that makes them feel trusted and sexy ok

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 1:59pm

  6. 6: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    •He doesn’t care if you’re cultured and well-traveled and sophisticated about the finer things.

    He doesn’t care if you’re deep, poetic, a good judge of music, a gangsta, honest, loyal, beautiful

    all he cares is that he feels sexy and trusted around you – which happens when you are in femininity

    i feel like im riding a gallopping horse

    i feel lost and whoa and hold on there thought

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 2:02pm

  7. 7: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i would like to believe the above, but it feels too scary, becuse i dont think i can make a man feel trusted and sexy, because

    i easily get triggered to mistrust and feel shy to express sexual desire, if thats even what makes him feel sexy

    and all i have is my smarts and my “impressive” stuff and beauty honesty loyalty

    help!

    im not a good woman!

    im not good at making men feel trusted and sexy!!

    help

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 2:04pm

  8. 8: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    “If you consistently find yourself in relationships with liars, cheaters, addicts, leeches, or commitmentphobes, your job isn’t to get them to stop lying, cheating,
    drinking, mooching or flaking. Your job is to leave.”

    EXACTLY! This is what I did and he changed all by himself. There was no “getting him to change”. I did my job. I wasn’t “constantly” there…I was there with one man, but still…same job and I did it and it was an amazing change in my life.

    I love this! Thanks Rori!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 2:13pm

  9. 9: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    “I trust you, I just feel uncomfortable doing…..xyz, but I still trust you and enjoy our time together”……

    “wow!, you look hotter than you did last time we went out…..I feel like a total rockstar next to you :)

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 2:14pm

  10. 10: beaNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes,

    That is what I’ve done. I’ve left.

    Although I miss him something awful and feel laggy as all get out, I’m accepting every invitation, tackling my bucket list, and putting up an okcupid profile.

    My mother told me that men are like soup. They can look like soup and smell like soup (which soup does long before it’s actually ready), but if you eat it too early it will make you sick. So, I’m putting him on the back burner. I hope he’s ready soon but in the meantime, I’m ordering off the life MENu.

    Thanks Rori. I only wish I’d found you earlier!

    best,
    Bea

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 2:54pm

  11. 11: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Woah B, I love your mom’s analogy. Thanks for sharing it.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 3:28pm

  12. 12: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Anyone have any thoughts about how to communicate with LI about this one?

    His energy feels so sweet most of the time but when he gets frustrated about something he gets kinda fiery. He’s an Aries. And it’s not directed towards me but I just don’t feel good being around it. But I also want to respect his masculine energy. But when he gets like that I just want him to go work it out for himself. Go for a run or something. You’re bringing me down dude!

    I don’t want to get pulled out of the vortex just because he does. I wanna hold strong and stay in my own vortex. Is that asking too much?

    Looks like I uncovered an out of date belief here!

    I wanna stay in the vortex regardless of the moods of those around me!

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 3:38pm

  13. 13: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I command that I stay in the vortex regardless if the moods of those around me!!!!

    I just learned to command my subconscious to make the desired change from a shamaness at this workshop I took. I feel excited to see if it works.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 3:41pm

  14. 14: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Actually B, it feels good to read your whole post. I sounds like you have a great attitude and are on the path to your happily ever after.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 3:43pm

  15. 15: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess – this is how I command my subconcious right now

    it is called Ask and Receive

    A part of my being already knows __{what i want here} —- . Pause. And that part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now. It is now doing so (with grace and ease). My mind body and spirit are receiving the information. Information transfer is now complete.

    How do you do yours?

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 4:08pm

  16. 16: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lol … I’m sorry to say this ladies, but I’ve got so much to say about this topic that we might be looking at another 1000 comment post…

    And Rori, the other thread got so long and I wanted to thank YOU for holding space there. I knew the anger would ‘break’ and transform if we just stayed with it, and I feel grateful that you held the space for that to happen. Thank you.

    Today also I thanked and apologized to my ex for teaching me so much about relationships, mostly what not to do lol. He hasn’t responded and that’s okay. I did it for both of us, and no response is necessary.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 5:30pm

  17. 17: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Evan, give us a Rori readers coupon code for a discount! :D I am interested in buying your book. It looks like a wise read.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 5:35pm

  18. 18: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Some Sirens were asking for tapping tips on the other thread, and because it’s timely here … I don’t know about you all, but when I just jumped over to Evan’s sales copy and started reading it, I initially felt some fear in my body. This is something intentionally used in sales (not a criticism, just what my copy writer friends tell me) … but it’s also a great exercise. If you tap the acupressure points while reading the sales copy, the fear that gets triggered can be released from your body while reading the page …

    Btw, as I got to the bottom of the page, my fear turned to sheer excitement, because this UNDERSTANDING MEN is so much of what I’m teaching.

    Here is from Evan’s sales copy:

    I’d like to illustrate to you that the women who do best with men are those who truly love men for all that they are.

    Strong. Smart. Sexy. Generous. Thoughtful. Sensitive. Funny.

    Believe it or not, there are LOTS of men out there who are ALL of these things – but they may not be looking for you as you’re looking for them.

    I should know. I was one of those guys. I have no doubt that I was the subject of a few dozen “why did he disappear?” conversations.

    I also know that despite seeming like a player, I was always looking for a relationship, I never wanted to hurt anyone, and would never openly criticize a woman I was dating. I was a genuinely good guy who wanted to settle down and have a family, but went through hundreds of dates who didn’t understand me as a man.

    On paper, there was nothing wrong with these women. Smart, successful, interesting, educated, attractive, sophisticated, ambitious, opinionated – these were the qualities that drew me to them. Yet they were never enough.

    It wasn’t until I met my wife – with two brothers, an ex-husband and a father in the military – that I truly found a woman who understood men, who knew how to make me WANT to commit to her for a lifetime.

    ***************

    This is why it is sooooooo painful for me to hear judgments of men on this site. Veiled judgments are just as awful feeling to me as overt judgments.

    This is why all the comments the other day about PUAs and assumptions about my man and assumptions about our relationship felt sooooo off-putting to me.

    Judgment is the opposite of understanding.

    Evan also talks about trusting men and respecting men.

    Judging men is not trusting OR respecting them.

    Judgment = fear
    Judgment = anger

    Fear and anger are what push men away …

    Trust and respect and understanding are what draw them in …

    This is why I wrote a blog article encouraging women to come to the 21 Convention. You know how many women took me up on that offer?

    Zero.

    Nothing except HBR changed my love life as much as attending MEN’s coaching events. You want to see that men are EXACTLY LIKE US except a different gender polarity? I invite you to consider coming to one of these men’s events and LEARNING ABOUT THEM up close, in person. See them in an environment where THEY are sharing their fears and doubts and vulnerabilities. See them as human beings, not as “enemy images” … like making PUAs into monsters. All those PUAs are still human beings.

    They are good men, and they will commit to a woman who understands them.

    I love men. I feel VERY passionate about this topic!!! <3

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 5:58pm

  19. 19: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    These are the things from Evan’s link that I would like to know about:

    ……………………….

    You’ll learn how to read a man’s signals from the first date

    You’ll finally know what men think about …the first kiss …. and most importantly, a foolproof way to make sure these “touchy” issues never backfire on you again.

    The big mistake most women make in assuming that the reason he disappeared after a first date is because he’s not attracted to you. In fact, 85% of the time that he disappears, it’s because of something you did on the date! Find out what that is.

    The dozens of things that men do to please you on the first date and the ONE thing you have to do to please them in return!

    What men REALLY think about kissing on a first date and how he feels when you turn the other cheek.

    Do this and every man will want a second date with you.

    10 simple things you can do to make a man feel special on a date so he’ll ask you out again.

    If you seem to only want the men who don’t want you, and the ones who stick around are simply all wrong for you, you’ll discover why that happens and what to do about it.

    ………………………….

    I would especially like to know what I did wrong on my first date with WH — (“85% of the time that he disappears, it’s because of something you did on the date! Find out what that is.”)

    I would also like to know what he means by “turn the other cheek” (“What men REALLY think about kissing on a first date and how he feels when you turn the other cheek.”)

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 6:19pm

  20. 20: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious too, Lucy, I wish there were a video of your date we could watch together.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 6:27pm

  21. 21: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Aw, thanks, Erika.

    I love what you wrote in #18. Maybe what went wrong is that at the end of the date I felt FEAR because he hadn’t said anything about seeing me again. Maybe he was going to, but then that fear came up in me and pushed him away. The fear was ONLY at the End of the 8-9 hours we spent together — I felt free and joyful the rest of the time. :(

    I also appreciate what you wrote about fear as a copy writing technique — as a writer, I knew this, but I forgot for a moment when I was experiencing it myself as a reader! Thanks. :)

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 6:38pm

  22. 22: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    All right, on the other thread I mentioned that I would post a conversation I had early today with Vegas Guy.

    The story I’m telling myself about this is “Don’t post it. Some Sirens are going to do nothing but project their own hateful beliefs about men onto your situation, and it’s going to make you doubt yourself and not trust this guy, when your intuition is saying loud and clear TRUST TRUST TRUST.”

    And I’m going to post it anyway. This feels VULNERABLE to me. My request is that everyone please HOLD SPACE. My request is: No judgment, no interpretation, no analysis, and PLEASE no advice. The reason I don’t like advice is that it’s not being present. It’s also unholistic. Nobody here except me knows the whole story (though, if you are curious about the backstory, I did recently write a whole series of blog articles about how Vegas Guy and I met in Vegas in July).

    On the other thread, one Siren was assuming that Vegas Guy is a PUA. He’s not. She was also assuming that Vegas guy and I are engaged. We’re not. He proposed, and I am considering his offer. I told him I felt torn about making such a big decision without spending more time together first. I asked if he was open to an idea, he said yes, and I suggested we spend some time together.

    We agreed to have a trip together to talk about all major issues before making the decision. He had not given me dates for the trip. I was feeling mildly anxious because, despite my best efforts, I allowed some of these ridiculous “judgments” to interfere with my intuition, which is saying TRUST TRUST TRUST.

    So this is the conversation we had:

    Me: I feel a little confused, everything good?

    Him: Yes :)

    Me: Ok good :) I’m confused are we doing this trip, this time together

    Him: Yes

    Me: You are leading?

    Him: It is going to be after labor day :) You have a wedding [referring to my brother's wedding, the reason we couldn't get together sooner]

    Me: Lol yeah I know I just need to know when cuz of the house and my job. And cuz I’d like to be either fully committed to our relationship or .. not and still open to others

    Him: What do you want

    Me: You lol :) I don’t want to wait. I don’t really want to lead either though. I want to be fully committed or else fully open to all men.

    Him: Until we know for sure fair would be open to all men I have no rights to you :(

    Me: Ok well that doesn’t sound very inspiring to me. I don’t like to get excited about things like visits and have no follow through. This has happened a few times now and I don’t like it. [see how I allowed a little bit of fear and judgment to creep in here]

    Him: Is that untrue what I said?

    Me: About which, love? [already less fearful, have moved back into curiosity]

    Him: Until we know for sure fair would be open to all men I have no rights to you :(

    Him: Respect remember?

    Me: Yes I remember. I’m noticing when I get scared. And remembering in that moment to touch both our hearts.

    Me: Now I feel sad. Close though. I feel very close to you, your heart.

    Him: Don’t feel sad for us to work we are going to have a real relationship.

    Me: :) thank you

    Him: I don’t say things to try to make you feel good. I say the truth from my soul

    Me: Yeah I feel that :) Every time we talk and our hearts connect, I feel that. And remind myself to trust.

    Me: I feel the euphoria again [fear entirely gone by this point, felt deeply heart connected]

    *****************************************

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 6:44pm

  23. 23: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, will you remind me, do you have any other connection to this guy … does he have your number, do you have his, will you cross paths?

    It sounds like just fear is in the way … not anything you said or did … that resonate with you?

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 6:56pm

  24. 24: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: I really appreciate your vulnerability. I feel very inspired by your authenticity. This feels huge to me. Thank you. Sincerely holding space,

    Shannon

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 7:01pm

  25. 25: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Erika. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your conversation. <3

    I wish I had requested people to hold space for me — like you requested here — back when I was posting about TN man. "Nobody here except me knows the whole story" — that's how I felt too.

    (p.s I'm NOT comparing Vegas Guy with TN man — I'm just referring to the request.)

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 7:03pm

  26. 26: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, yes, we have each other’s numbers — did some texting for awhile before meeting. We connected first on pof, but he said he had been trying to get my attention for months on two other sites. He lives about an hour and a half from me (in another state). We won’t cross paths unless he contacts me.

    It feels good to hear you say that it may not have been anything I said or did — just fear. That may be the case. I am really appreciating all you’ve been writing lately about not judging men, etc. — a part of me wants to have a “sour grapes” attitude toward him, like, “Oh, yeah? You don’t want me? Well good, cuz I don’t want you either!” — but he doesn’t deserve that at all. I believe he is a good, kind man — and when I feel pulled toward “sour grapes,” I know it is just coming from my own vulnerability and fear, and I quickly move my heart back to gentleness toward him.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 7:20pm

  27. 27: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, you are so damn lovely and beautiful it chokes me up. Whatever you’re drinking – I want it. Your whole energy is very, very different than 6 months ago – it comes through in your writing, and I’d trust myself in your EFT hands or relationship hands anytime. I trust your trusting. Love, Rori

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 9:02pm

  28. 28: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, ladies! I was thinking about Daria’s riffing and this topic and cracking myself up with a new topic for my ebook….so these posts fit right in. Lucy, btw, I love your brave journey….and that’s what I was thinking about – the journey! And, Erika I read parts 1-7….great journaling!

    So, I was thinking how hard it was when I was online dating for about 2 years! And how weird some of the guys were, even when they had their reasons, and I gave them plenty of you don’t have to be perfect, just be good enough room. It was such a numbers thing, yet the universe played a huge part in who showed up for me, too. If they don’t show up back around….you know, sometimes it really isn’t you! Guys who’ve been through break ups have a lot of issues to work through, theirs, societies and their family’s concerns, etc. etc.

    Anyway, in the spirit of HUMOR being healing…lol… and following the how to ebook book…I decided I should name my ebook, The Good, The Bad and the Fugly. And there’s absolutely no other book with that name out there…lol….

    I met good guys, bad guys, short guys, skinny guys, tall guys, gorgeous guys, young guys and old guys. Lawyers, engineers, carpenters, laid offers – ooohhh, that’s laid off their jobs, btw! …..anyway, it was therapy in a very odd way. My biggest thing was I didn’t want to waste a lot of time, but didn’t want them to feel like they were on a job interview, either. The prequalifying phone call became very important quickly, as well as giving everyone a chance to tell their story and feel accepted. Even if it was going nowhere for me but please let me get back home!

    It was definitely a learning curve in a new way about guys….and I’m going to be exploring it for awhile now that I’ve realized how much time, energy and just plain work it took to get the result I wanted – and yet, how easily the guy just showed up, too. My nigttime meditation tape says we find love easily when we’re looking for it, it just shows up. I love that….not necessarily my experience, but it’s a very cool belief!

    Anyway, online dating…..can’t live with it, can’t live without it. Smile….

    oh, and Shannon, I’ve enjoyed your being here holding spaces/listening today, too.
    Happy Friday nite!

    Jacqueline

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 9:06pm

  29. 29: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Would ya’ll like to hear some weirdness?

    This morning I read Mercedes new blog post. She talked about doing Laughter Yoga in the park. (Great post. You should check out her blog.) Anyhoo, I’m watching TV this evening. National Geographic Amazing. (I’m a rebel without a cause this Friday night.) Would you believe that one of the features on the show was about Laughter Yoga? 8-)

    And then tonight I’ve been thinking about Erika and this space thing. I feel a little uncomfortable with the silence. I feel worried that she (me) feels anxious in the silence (because I do). But out of respect for her, I’m actually having to deal with my uncomfortable feelings. Of course I busy myself with Facebook when it gets too much. :-) To shorten this story, I’ll just say that I was looking for a bible verse for a friend. I stumbled upon a website called Course of Miracles. I didn’t even realize the two were related.

    That’s weird shit. Seriously.

    I feel happy.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 9:13pm

  30. 30: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Ahhh Jacqueline. Thank you! And thank you for your humor!

    Ok, I’m trying not to do too much of this nervous chatter thing so I’ll stop now.

    I feel comfortable with the silence.

    Oohhhmmm. :-)

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 9:17pm

  31. 31: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, one last thing because I just realized my “weird shit” post didn’t make sense without this reference. Erika teaches a Course In Miracles. This is seriously blowing my mind. <3

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 9:19pm

  32. 32: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, wow, synchronicity…and I’m sure others will weigh in on a Course in Miracles. It was taught at Unity here for years, but their view of things is pretty non traditional. I hope you like it, and it takes work to hold the space! smile….we used to do theses exercises where there would be a person in the room specifically to hold the space for the leader.

    Course in Miracles saying: Miracle DO happen.

    I’m hoping for one right now!!

    Today felt very uncertain and distraught for me because my Significant Other is starting a new job next week that he feels good about, and I don’t. Usually my “gut” is right on, too….so I’m hoping that his holding the space for it to be wonderful wins out on this one.

    In this case, it would feel good to be wrong!

    What do you all think? In creating in another’s reality?

    I feel really nervous about this change.
    Thanks,
    J

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 9:22pm

  33. 33: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, thank you .. that means a lot coming from you :)

    Shannon,

    Miracles happen in empty space.

    “And then tonight I’ve been thinking about Erika and this space thing. I feel a little uncomfortable with the silence. I feel worried that she (me) feels anxious in the silence (because I do). But out of respect for her, I’m actually having to deal with my uncomfortable feelings.”

    Exactly ;)

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 10:01pm

  34. 34: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Just got home from my date, which felt deliciously awkward.

    in a good way

    leaning back feels uncomfortable and just plain wrong when you get into the groove of overfunctioning.

    he way stepped up though. even called me a cab and paid for it. we’re pretty young and he’s even younger, so this isn’t typical behavior for guys his age. But it is typical behavior of a man who wants to take care of a particular woman.

    love it.

    I came down my stairs to meet him and he had a cab waiting for us. I just hopped in the cab and next thing you know, we were at the hibachi restaurant. love it. it was my first time doing hibachi and it was hilarious and fun. We ate sushi too and drank sake. Then we went to the river near the restaurant and sat on the bridge. Then we went to the park and got on the tire swing.

    Tomorrow we are stuck with each other for 14+ hours, for he offered to volunteer for my organization at an event ALL DAY LONG. It’s really interesting practicing being feminine and leaning back when you’re the freakin boss, and you have to tell him what to do. It’s actually awesomely fun to find the balance, like a game. I’m actually pretty good at that, as he’s come to volunteer a few times.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 10:27pm

  35. 35: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i love that i just left the date 10 minutes ago, and I am already home thanks to the technology of CABS. Buses/walking take up to an hour.

    i love that i went home, and that i didn’t go upstairs to his place like I usually would. love love love everything about tonight.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 10:29pm

  36. 36: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    teehee rori said “so DAMN lovely.”

    rori’s got a friday night potty mouth!!!

    i feel delighted.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 10:32pm

  37. 37: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so expanded by the new imformation being shared here and so open to changing and aligning myself differently.

    the new information about judgments and advise and being raised up as well as put down all feels like truth in my spirit.

    i feel anticipation about incorporating these new beliefs into my life and words and behavior and relationships.

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 10:40pm

  38. 38: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i saw this today
    .
    .
    .
    “WE’RE NOT AHEAD OF OUR TIME
    …JUST EVERYBODY ELSE’S.”

    Friday, 20 August 2010 @ 10:44pm

  39. 39: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i’m starting to feel a glimmer of understanding about fear moving a situation—
    ….as the energetic component of the situation
    —more or less—

    i feel curious to consciouly work with this concept.

    the holding space concept, too.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 12:14am

  40. 40: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    last evening I went kayaking, upstream at low tide, why? why? why? I almost gave up twice, I would feel like a failure if I didnt at least reach my goal, so I kept going. The physical work was too much, I was starting to feel hopeless and almost well I did say fck it twice and about to turn back, I drifted down, I said no Adventure Outdoor Goddess Tina Keep going! I did. I know when to give up, I know when to keep going, is it that Im learning to trust myself? or am I just to fcken stubborn and determined to give up. I love my sticktoitiveness attitude also I love Nike’s ad “Just do it” hehe yeah!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 12:29am

  41. 41: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    ;)

    Swoosh!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 12:50am

  42. 42: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Freedom is not free? lol

    Freedom hurts?

    Freedom is hardwork?

    Freedom can stop anytime?

    Now I feel depressed blah I would so do it again, twice so far, it does start to feel easier. I WANT to go again :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 1:09am

  43. 43: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Life is where one goes, tina, to temporarily believe in death, fleetingly forget their power, and briefly have the Dickens scared out of them, voluntarily.

    All in the name of adventure.

    You’re bad,
    The Universe

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 1:28am

  44. 44: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Kind of like jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, huh tina? Times a billion.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 1:29am

  45. 45: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Omg! I went shopping for a coat, I tried it on, the sales’ lady was really nice, I wanted something nice for when I go on future trips with eggshell man (dont ask) anyway, she complimented me on how great the coat looked on my blah blah blah, it does look good but yeah i can make a rag look good hehe, then she says after I bought it, its not me, its the jacket , I laughed and said yeah, thanks. she said I look good in black whatever , I feel kinda offended , not really but ya know? its not a magic coat for god sakes, why didnt she just say, you look awesome, I was complimented earlier that day and this lady said, I dont know you but you look really beautiful tonight, I dont know how you normally look but I just wanted to say that. I was wearing my sparkly black sundress :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 1:53am

  46. 46: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    My son is pissed off at me , because I sent him to his grand mothers house. I said to him, he isnt going to the grad party like come on , its almost sept! he yelled, I yelled, I cried, he cried but he still went to his grandmothers house kicking and screaming. he went to A LOT of parties this summer, kids , I feel angry , I feel worried.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:04am

  47. 47: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Tina: I feel smiley picturing you looking beautiful in your sparkling sundress.

    I’m feeling a little sad tonight. Not sure why. I went to a lovely party with LI. My band played there. I rocked out this part I had been struggling with. That felt great. LI is stepping up big time which also feels nice.

    Feeling some sadness though…not really sure why.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:06am

  48. 48: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    He threw is tv dinner out the window while we were driving on our way and almost hit another vehicle behind us, grrrrrrrrr. we got into an other arguement in front of a store, he walked off, i brought him back to the truck, we drove, he’s mad, im mad, grandmother has a headache. she’s having a yardsale tomorrow and wants him to help her. i hope he gets over it soon ugh!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:08am

  49. 49: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    sad and lonely , I feel sad and lonely and I dont know why :( laughing goddess feels sad and lonely and she doesnt know why :(

    I feel glad you rocked it out :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:13am

  50. 50: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I love men too!

    I feel so grateful for the masculine presence in my life. I didn’t always feel that way. I felt a shift about two years ago when I started learning about feminine and masculine energy. When I read what masculine energy offers, I felt a release. I felt so relieved to know that men want to serve us, they want to be our providers, our supporters. What a treat. My mom was a single mother of five, very strong, very independent. Learning that I could rely on a man, that he wanted to serve me, ached to provide for me, that felt so new.

    Ahhhh, I feel grateful for men.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:20am

  51. 51: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess, I didnt always know that, that men want to serve us :) as it should be I suppose.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:28am

  52. 52: cinNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling weird about the okcupid post. The annoying part is what the man looks for in the picture. Boobs, legs, hair is odd and sexist to me. If a woman is happy with herself and feels and looks her best, then she will attract the right man. Not the man looking at those 3 body parts. You rarely marry someone because of those features. I don’t think that should have even been in the comments. We are all so attractive in our own way.It isn’t refreshing or geniune and it’s not what it’s all about. It wasn’t helpful for me to read that.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 4:50am

  53. 53: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    LG, what you wrote about discovering the beauty of the masculine really resonated with me.

    This morning in the still darkness I am in touch with more sadness. As I’m getting present with it, it has lots of messages. Memories of my mother criticizing my father, and of him not standing up for himself. Very painful, that may be the pain that was touched in me by seeing other Sirens expressing judgments about men.

    A rare day off. This feels like a day for blogging and tapping. I’m feeling like writing about how I’ve been exploring into the Feminine Pain Body these past couple months, an idea that Eckhart Tolle mentioned in the Power of Now. From his teaching, I got the idea to use my menstrual cycle each month as an opportunity to explore feminine pain. Instead of masking the pain with Advil, I’ve been getting present with it and listening to its messages (blogged about this a while back), and each month now I get more messages (which I release with HBR), and each month there is less cramp pain.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:02am

  54. 54: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    And btw, as I’ve used HBR progressively on my judgments about myself, about men, about women, about God … and so on … this is what happened to my body:

    - the chronic pain in my back, arms, shoulders spontaneously vanished, without medical treatment

    - my menstrual cycle, which used to be very erratic, became almost perfectly regular

    - my skin cleared up

    Judgments are frozen anger. Anger gets turned against the body and destroys it. Releasing anger and judgment out of the energetic system results in spontaneous healing of the body.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:29am

  55. 55: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: I really resonate with what you said about memories of your mom criticizing your father. And him not standing up for himself. So much so that I started bawling when I read that as I remembered that happening with my parents as well. And then even more sadness coming up as I remembered that after my parents split, my mom married a man who stood up for himself so much that he would beat the living daylights out of her when she disagreed with him. He would line us kids up and make us watch as he beat her up. And I also remembered feeling confused because my father had an idea of what was going on and I didn’t understand why he didn’t stand up for us either. It felt so bad that he knew what was going on and he let us live with that abusive man for six years. That was by far the most horrible and scary time of my life and I don’t understand why he didn’t rescue my sister and I. He was around, he lived in town, he picked us up every weekend. He really stepped up as much as any divorced father could. But why did he let us live with a complete psychopath. For those six years of my childhood, I lived in fear that I would wake up in the morning and find my mother dead. He threatened to kill me for telling my mom that the younger kids were home alone when o returned from school. He was supposed to be watching the younger kids but he went to the bar instead. When he came home and she confronted him, that was the first time he beat her and threatened to kill me for telling her. I was nine.

    I feel weird revealing all this. I don’t want to bring people down. I feel sad.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:49am

  56. 56: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    For a long time my idea of men was they either beat you or abandon you.

    I feel happy that I didn’t perpetuate the legacy of being with an abusive man.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:56am

  57. 57: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t been with an abusive man but I have been with plenty of men who abandoned me.

    Or at least that’s the story I’m telling myself.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:08am

  58. 58: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LG: Thank you for sharing your story! I feel love, love, love raining down on you. Praying you are feeling it across the airways. You are so brave!

    Sincerely holding space (and you), Shannon

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:11am

  59. 59: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, LG, I feel in touch with such deep sadness reading that. The cruelty of the pain body. That feels awful.

    I also feel more compassion. I was telling myself a story early in the last thread that it was “impossible to do anything right” with you because it felt like everything was triggering. And now I feel a sense of “wow of course everything feels triggering after experiencing that kind of pain, over and over, for six years.”

    The abuse in my family was mostly emotional but it was devastating, so devastating that I had completely disconnected from my feelings. To heal, I had to go through and get present with literally hundreds of dissociated memories and remove the energetic trauma charge that was stored in my body from experiencing criticism, explosive rage, judgment, shaming, scarcity, guilt, blame, passive aggression, so much toxicity …

    Each memory I did this with removed a “trigger button” so over time I noticed that stuff that once triggered me no longer had any power over me. This felt very liberating and empowering :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:11am

  60. 60: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I’m noticing feeling a little worried that what I just said might feel triggering …

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:13am

  61. 61: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I’m noticing a yearning to stay connected with you in this conversation, LG, and a fear that old triggers could disrupt our connection …

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:14am

  62. 62: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I love how holding space feels. Emotionally it feels like telling my nasty voices to sit in the corner. I love those nasty voices. It’s forcing me to deal with them and I LOVE them. I see the judgments I’m making. The stories I’m telling myself. When I just pause a second (or in this case a day) to hear those voices instead of just immediately responding to them (re: telling them how wrong they are), they stop being so big and scary. They start getting quiet.

    Finally getting comfortable in my soup.

    I feel fear that my voice sounds a little “out there” right now.

    Sincerely holding space for the discomfort I’m feeling…

    Love, Shannon

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:16am

  63. 63: BigLuvNo Gravatar says:

    Me, I luuuv me some Evan Marc Katz.

    Thank you Rori for introducing him on this blog. I bought Why He Disappeared and another one of Evan’s lower-priced products a month or so ago. It is worth the price and I bought my copy even without all the additional bonuses being offered now.

    I am a classic mistake #3 girl. I am working through severe trust issues although I am a woman who has helped raise my younger brothers into the kind of men, women should be ecstatic about, yet the women in their lives don’t get how good they’ve got it! GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

    Evan is speaking for my brothers who are “nice” guys and women are busy ignoring them in favor of the “bad boys” whom they feel “tons of chemistry” with. “Bad boys” do two things in my presence—they run like heck because they know they can’t control me or they bow out because they know they aren’t willing to step up to the plate.

    Evan tells the truth.

    I like what Ellen Kreidman says in her Old School relationship book, Light His Fire.

    “From now on there will only be praise, hugs, and kisses for telling the truth.”

    Peace,

    BL-

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:19am

  64. 64: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Now I feel more compassion for my mom, too, because it was “impossible to do anything right” around her. And now I see that she was probably hair triggered because of the pain she endured being the daughter of an alcoholic. And I’m crying to think of her pain and why she was so cruel, because she must have been in torture inside herself.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:23am

  65. 65: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Crying and tapping for my mom …

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:24am

  66. 66: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    And I don’t know much about my grandmother’s childhood, but she must have been in a lot of pain to be an alcoholic, so now my compassion is spreading up the female lineage, and I’m tapping for Grandma …

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:27am

  67. 67: BigLuvNo Gravatar says:

    And I really appreciated Erika Awakening’s request to hold the space regarding her exchange with her LI. That is some trust in action right there by defining what is wanted and asking for it openly.

    I enjoyed Laughing Goddess and Daria talking about commanding the subconscious so one could stay in the vortex totally good stuff!

    I command that I am ready to be loved, honored, and cherished by the man who is perfect for me. YESSSSSS!

    Peace,

    BL-

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:28am

  68. 68: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: i do feel loved and held and I don’t think you sound “out there at all”

    Erika: I did feel a little bit triggered by what you said but mostly not. Part of the way I interpreted your words is there’s something wrong with me because I get so easily triggered and even though it’s understandable that I would be easily triggered after that experience, there’s still something wrong with me for being easily triggered by you. I know that’s not what you said, it’s just what I interpreted when I heard it through my filter.

    I really appreciate you for holding space for me. I really do.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:31am

  69. 69: SherryNo Gravatar says:

    I had a very deep yet confusing time with my fav CD last night. I am processing a lot of the feelings that were shared about his past. I have never asked about his past because I believe that what has happened before me is what has brought him to me in the present… I’m trying to live in the now. I realize that my past shapes who I am today therefore making it significant to the now. I am giving his past the same consideration and trying to apply it to the present.

    I have a question for any and all who would be so kind as to give their insight… I have read a few different relationship coach’s work and all talk about a man’s commitment timeline. Rori has alluded to it on this blog also. How is it different for a man?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:34am

  70. 70: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    And I welcome your thoughts

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:39am

  71. 71: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a yearning for other Goddesses to express, if they feel like it, what kind of feedback they enjoy receiving, and which kind of feedback feels unhelpful to them. I feel a yearning to offer what feels good and helpful. Including if that means silence.

    LG, I appreciate you being open with me about how you heard what I said, and that you didn’t assume I was saying there was something wrong with you.

    I said I felt worried it was triggering because I felt a closing in our connection, a little bit of a shut down, after I posted.

    Now I feel a sharp twinge in my middle lower back, which is usually a sensor for anger. It’s still there, it has something it wants to say.

    I feel curious.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:45am

  72. 72: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    And now I’m with a man who is neither an abuser nor an abandoner. And I find myself sometimes feeling bored and feeling irritable with certain quirks that he has. And it feels best right now to stick with him and observe the feelings and resistance that comes up with being with a good man.

    And I am finding myself feeling attracted to another man in my life who actually reminds me a little bit of my stepfather. Not his personality so much. I don’t get the sense that he is the abusing type. But something about his physical characteristics reminds me of my stepdad and I feel super freaked out about that.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:54am

  73. 73: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: Thats interesting to me that you felt a little bit of a closing after that post because that was the first time that I had felt triggered by you recently. Before that I wasn’t feeling triggered at all by what you were writing since things shifted yesterday…or the night before…I don’t remember exactly.

    I appreciate that you welcome feedback and I really don’t think you said anything wrong. I recognize that was my interpretation of your words but I can see where it would be helpful to know that it was somewhat triggering because I know you are wanting to find a way to communicate your message in a way that people can receive.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:03am

  74. 74: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, thank you, LG.

    I am feeling such a yearning for all of us to go into these moments of shut down and be present with them. That’s what I’m doing. I want to open them back up again because that’s how men reach us.

    I feel I’ve cleared more of my triggers with men than I have with women. It’s very rare these days that a man shuts down with me. It happens occasionally.

    I feel drawn to these moments of shut down. I used to run away from them. Now I want to go inside them, kind of like a deep tissue masseuse massaging a really hard knot in a muscle … I want to loosen the adhesion so the knot goes away and the trigger is gone.

    Oh, something just released. Big sigh.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:08am

  75. 75: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    And I think that the reason that I only got mildly triggered and not to the point of freaking out is that behind your words I got the feeling of genuine care and concern and wanting to help out.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:10am

  76. 76: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feeling very intrigued by this Erika…your yearning for feedback about your words come across. And I’m imaging that you want feedback but you don’t want to be made wrong for what you are saying.

    And I’m imagining that in your line of work you are encountering people with pain and sadness and that it’s helpful for you to understand how certain triggers color the way people interpret your words.

    For me, I’m guessing I have an underlying belief that I am wrong. I am wrong for saying something that started the cycle of my mom being beaten. So it’s possible that I am going to interpret your words as confirming that belief about myself which a part of me wants to believe isn’t true.

    Okay, I feel at a loss for words here so I’ll stop now. I feel curious if any of this resonates.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:24am

  77. 77: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Argh I feel so frustrated when I’m writing a post and during that someone else posts something and then when my post comes up after theirs, it’s seems a little out of context. When that happens I feel worried that I am going to look dumb or incoherent. And I wish I could let that worry go because it feels ick!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:34am

  78. 78: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    tina

    i feel super! inspired by your #40!

    goddes goes the distance, challenging herself and her surroundings!

    yaaaaay!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:38am

  79. 79: gidgetNo Gravatar says:

    This sounds so insane to me. all this over analyzing of “males”. i feel like i am missing something here! i have never had an issue with getting along with men or having them want a relationship so on and so on. And it is because i treat men just like i treat women. Its no mystery. men are the same as women, just a different gender. Some are not a good match for you (so what? move on) and some are. Just treat them as human beings and stop trying to “figure them out”. Figure yourself out…why are you acting so desperate? if your single, have some fun. date for the sake of dating, not to find a mate. When you approach things with this attitude, you can recognize when someone is an asshole (regardless of how cute they are) and when someone is worth developing a friendship with. and… you’ll have sooo much fun!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:56am

  80. 80: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Erika mentioning deep tissue massage? I’ve been looking into that specifically around an issue that I’ve discussed with Erika (which can remain under cover please Erika ;-) ). I literally have the listing of deep tissue massage therapists open in one of my internet windows right this second. Weirder and weirder.

    Are ya’ll really the voices inside my head?

    More and more awesome. I feel deeply connected.

    And now my deeply connected self feels desire to clean my house. Anyone else channeling that emotion?

    Love ya’ll and praying for more connectedness and weirdness. Shannon

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:03am

  81. 81: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Hey SS,

    Thanks for sharing, I love synchronicity, it makes me feel like a greater intelligence is with us. :)

    When I’m working with people, I encourage them to combine their HBR work with deep body work like massage, breathwork, and White Tiger Tantra (which I’ll write about later today on my blog). HBR is mostly a mind into body approach to healing, and it works synergistically with body into mind approaches because deep body work dredges icky beliefs out of the subconscious mind to conscious awareness to be cleared.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:31am

  82. 82: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    Would it help to know that I’ve also experienced the cross-posting thing, and so in my holistic way of looking at things, I’m aware of that when I read people’s posts …

    “I feeling very intrigued by this Erika…your yearning for feedback about your words come across. And I’m imaging that you want feedback but you don’t want to be made wrong for what you are saying.

    And I’m imagining that in your line of work you are encountering people with pain and sadness and that it’s helpful for you to understand how certain triggers color the way people interpret your words.

    For me, I’m guessing I have an underlying belief that I am wrong. I am wrong for saying something that started the cycle of my mom being beaten. So it’s possible that I am going to interpret your words as confirming that belief about myself which a part of me wants to believe isn’t true.

    Okay, I feel at a loss for words here so I’ll stop now. I feel curious if any of this resonates.”

    Yes, that resonates so much, thank you. It’s so thrilling to feel heard :) And yes, I hear behind the triggering this belief that “something is wrong with me,” “I’m guilty,” “I’m going to be punished,” and those beliefs feel painful to me, and I know they are not true even though they feel true, and I *yearn* with all my heart to have them erased and for you to feel the joy of no longer believing those things.

    And that is a message that I want to communicate while also respecting your dignity, your equality, and your right to choose for yourself the best path of healing for you.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:35am

  83. 83: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, I want to be able to tell you what kind of feedback I like, but I’m not exactly sure myself. Anything that judges me or the people I’m writing about does not feel helpful to me. Most (if not all) of the feedback you have given me personally feels helpful.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:38am

  84. 84: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so frustrated and depressed about WH. I don’t know how to let go of wanting him. :(

    26 (formerly known as 25) has been texting me all day — he has been pursuing me for almost a year — and I wish so much it was WH doing that instead of 26.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:44am

  85. 85: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    gidget – Welcome – and I applaud your success – and at the same time wonder why you found me? Is there anything I can help you with? Some of us are lucky (like you) to have a natural “whatever” to their personalities – and yet most of us – especially the women who tend to find me and – I think, heroically – work things out for themselves here have backgrounds that include heavy traumas, subconscious patterns that continually work hard to drag us down, and have spent our lives fighting impulses and instincts and patterns we’ve been taught and experienced that do not serve us. And – totally – you have the gist of everything I’m about – you’re talking about Circular Dating – and I hope you’ll come back and share more with us. If you’ve got this nailed, we want to hear the HOW and the details. Love, Rori

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:54am

  86. 86: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Wow – Erika and Lucy – how amazing this dialogue is – I’m going to jump off and write about what it makes me feel…Love, Rori

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 12:02pm

  87. 87: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, I feel confused about this:

    “And it is because i treat men just like i treat women.”

    I thought we were NOT supposed to treat men just like we treat women.

    If I were to treat WH like I treat women, I would ask him if he wants to get together for lunch next week.

    I do feel confused.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 12:03pm

  88. 88: JOHN WRIGHTNo Gravatar says:

    Yes can you help me keep my girl friend? We are
    talking on emails and yahoo messenger and I want
    to do my best to keep her happy and in love with
    me.
    Next month she is supposed to get here. What I
    want to do is learn how to keep her love for me
    strong. I know you give advice for women, do you
    also give advice for men? Most men are stupid when
    it comes to females.
    Most mens information on keeping women happy
    is pure crap. I feel you are very smart and can help
    me learn what I need to know to make and keep my
    fiance happy. Thanks John Wright

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 12:56pm

  89. 89: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Wow oh WOW, TINA & LG….I was getting a lot of sadness last nite too….very weird how the feelings can bounce around the net!

    @ Laughing Goddess – YOU ROCK?!!!! 2 Cool!!! I knew you had a different voice to you – go grrrrlllll!

    @Tina, I bow to your amazing use of wordplay on post #43, and I humbly ask you permission to incorporate some of it into my email signature – it is GENIUS!!!!

    @Janjune….I”m loving your koan like words, too – it feels really intriquing and cool. If you check holding space on google there’s pages of people trying to interpret/write about what it means. I found the term in the 80′s from the ever so controversial est training….

    Happy Saturday to all, joyful and grateful,

    J

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 1:36pm

  90. 90: SherryNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, I want feedback that shares a personal journey, beliefs, or feelings. I feel we are all on our own path – all of which are different yet the same. I’m looking for something that resonates within me that I can apply to my situation.

    Sometimes, my questions are just general though RE: #69. In those cases I’m just looking for knowledge on a particular subject I have missed.

    I would like to say that although the other thread became something in and of itself, I really enjoyed reading your process. I think we all have something to teach :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 1:38pm

  91. 91: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Shannon…..after any massage, esp. deep tissue you need to drink a lot of water – I started drinking a gallon a day in ’96 and still do and maybe bathe with red vinegar for muscle soreness. It brings up stored body emotions – well, kind of like the mind stores the emtions it can’t handle in the body – always….

    and physically it moves all the lactic acid in your muscles into your blood stream, so if you don’t move it out through using the bathroom, your skin, etc….it goes right back.

    Lots of people cry spontaneously during bodywork and stuff, too…

    Laughing Goddess- I feel very happy for you even further reading what you wrote about abandoning and abusing…..our history does not define us, it “grows” us, and you’ve obviously grown!!!

    xoxo,
    J

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 1:45pm

  92. 92: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Sherry….that’s what I would’ve wrote, too…love it. Thanks!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 1:48pm

  93. 93: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, I’m gonna go run errands and stop this…but like the third entry for holding space on google says this:

    “The spirit of the Ayahuasca plant was to reveal to me in further visions the true dimensions of the cosmic joke,”

    Ayahuasca makes you throw up and stuff..but then you get the cosmic joke? it’s pretty poisionous, but I have always wanted to meet the Shaman I’ve heard of who uses it; but in keeping with my laughing day, I found that that under holding space was pretty lol funny!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 1:50pm

  94. 94: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: I am imagining that it might feel frustrating to witness someone in pain who has resistance to what you believe with all your heart would help them.

    I feel curious about my resistance and I think part of it is because I don’t want to depend on someone else for me healing. I feel certain that I have lots of limiting beliefs that I would like to release and I feel so much more excited about finding a way to do it myself. I don’t want to have to run to someone for help every time something comes up. And I also know that I have a strong healing ability myself.

    I feel inspired to share this because I’m hoping it might help you to understand where some of the resistance you encounter comes from and also because I am curious to hear your thoughts on this.

    I’m also wondering if once some major trauma is let go of with HBR or something like that, a person finds it easier to release some of the easier limiting beliefs on their own?

    I just really don’t feel good about depending on someone else for all of my healing. What if something comes up and the healer is booked a week or two out. My fear is that I would have to suffer through it until the healer has time.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:03pm

  95. 95: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LG,

    Wow, I really appreciate you sharing that with me … that feels very revealing, and vulnerable, and I feel some trust between us, an opening.

    And I feel very conscious of intuition here, conscious of possible skepticism of any answer I would give as “selling,” when intuition is loud and clear right now to me to put aside selling entirely and focus on pure connection.

    As I read your post, I feel some stiffness in my back, feels like openness and skepticism mixed together … I hear what sounds like fear of depending on other people, echoes of past fear perhaps, when it was not safe to rely on anyone.

    And I want to express that my intention for HBR is to get people un-dependent on outside advice. Part of my frustration on that last thread, when I talked about not liking advice and about going round and round in feeling message circles, is that I believe going to external authorities for advice works against listening to your intuition. I believe when people get in the cycle of constantly asking others “what they think,” they become more and more unsure of their internal guidance.

    Intuition is our inner guidance system, and it is always right. Sometimes it is not heard and sometimes it is brushed aside, but when we train ourselves to listen to it, it provides an absolutely perfect and reliable guide at all times. There will be no further worrying about “what to do” and “what to say” because words and actions will just come, and they will feel effortless.

    All of HBR is designed to get people tuned into their intuition, and to allow intuition to take over for them so that they will no longer need me. That guy I quoted on the last thread doesn’t come to me for sessions anymore because he has already attained from our work together what he wanted. He came to me with a belief that he was “not good enough” that he couldn’t get rid of despite many thousands of dollars and many years of coaching. He left me several months later not only feeling good enough, but with unbreakable inner confidence and happiness. He listens to his own inner guidance now. We are complete, at least for now, and to me, that is the finest accomplishment a coach can have.

    So … if I can post on forums … and even if most of the people I touch there never work with me personally … if I can teach them even a little bit to listen to their intuition, even just a little more … if I can teach them to stop listening to outside advice and start trusting that guidance … then I have done more good in a day than I probably did in all of my past lifetimes combined.

    Does that resonate with you?

    - Erika

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:33pm

  96. 96: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Yayyy! A Gidget!!! I loved Gidget and was huts googling the show two days ago, welcome :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:47pm

  97. 97: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Liking men…
    They scare the CRAP outta me.
    They really do.
    Really.
    One guy on Ok cupid says I look damn fine..and he likes canadian women cause we seem so smart to him.
    He riffs about alpha males and beta males in his profile.
    He says women want sappy beta males to raise thier children but want to sleep with alpa males.
    I said I felt this was kinda true…lots of women choose what looks like alpha males
    He says he wants to meet me in toronto..he’s from NY state.
    I feel afraid.
    I don’t wanna and am not gonna
    Do I feel this way cause he’s alpha?
    Is he alpha?
    He looks good on paper… he thinks I’m hot.
    My inner voice says NO
    Cause I’m afraid of men? Or he’s red-flag-able?
    I dunno
    Men scare the crap outta me.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 2:57pm

  98. 98: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I attempted to have that conversation with dboy when he called.

    I feel kinda concerned that I shut down men who are calling me… by holding on to what i want maybe? I feel like my energy is “hard” and tense a bit… and that feels discouraging

    i feel awful and mad – as soon as i say mad i feel frowny face and i feel my energy go GRRRR — i feel afraid of this in front of a man — it feels closed!

    i feel resentful and bad that i put myself in a situation to be sleeping with a man that is not pursuing me romantically and says he wants to be friends. i don’t want that.

    should i add that i care about him?

    the next thing that comes up is fear that he will leave, feeling rejected and like all i carea bobut is myself

    All i care about is myself – i hear this accusation in my mind from men’s energies, and i hear them questioning to see if this is true, and i give the flip responses that make it appear that its true while knowing that deep inside i am very caring

    and i feel concerned about this

    i feel guilty

    i feel afraid and unsure

    ugh

    last nite the man i was with – who i went to his house to meet him for the first time — i feel like rolling my eyse at myself — apparently im feeling judgemental and angry at myself

    he really liked me it seemed, and kept asking for my heart, even when i was leaving.

    but he didnt kiss me, he says he doesnt really kiss girls often – this has come up with the last 3 men!!!

    I realize this is something they learn to “protect” themselves from getting “cooties” ok judgement

    because they dont want to kiss girls that sleep with many men or go down on many men…

    and i feel bad

    like i dont want to be judged that way!

    ugh

    and then it feels bad to have a man escalate phyisically and didnt kiss me -! again last 3 times!

    this time i took a big baby step and talked about it

    i said

    Big breath: it feels bad to be with a man that doesn’t kiss me

    etc

    anyway he Still didnt kiss me

    and now i feel kinda unsure and bad, i feel like “getting back at him” ugh …. wait till he sees that im not down to go see him again, he’ll be heartbroken

    ha!

    and that feels confusing and i really just want this healed

    i feel bad

    i always felt SMUG – other side of the coin – that growing up i didn’t have men who didn’t want to kiss me or eat me out — they were throwing themselves at me mostly, even for their first time doing so

    and i heard stories of other girls dealing with that, and i felt Better than

    and now im dealing with it, and it feels bad, i feel like oh no what happend? Im no longer innocent or attractive or inspire cleanliness and safety?

    this feels bad

    i love my feelings

    i WANT to feel secure that i am clean, kind of hearts

    i feel guilty and afraid of myself , i feel like im a ‘player’ and ‘heartbreaker” now, that men shouldnt trust me with their heart

    because im not gonna give them exclusivity, and sooner or later they are gonna be very hurt

    (and leave me – like Security)

    this feels bad

    i feel glad to get these familiar thoughts out

    i want this healed

    thank you

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 3:02pm

  99. 99: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    like when a man is pursuing me – i think, poor you, don’t you know i wont be exclusive with you, unless i get married, and thats not likely to be you… youre gonna get your lil heartbroken –

    and i feel bad about myself

    :(

    any ideas or inspirations?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 3:05pm

  100. 100: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    one benefit of a black eye is to have a Make-up Goddess pull out her tools after a few whole YEARS off.

    I could make a beatup rhianna look like jes*us

    black eye who?

    step 1. apply white eye pencil over bruises, feathery strokes… make sure to apply around, and blend with finger

    step 2. apply bronzer on top of white eye pencil – blend with brush and finger

    step 3 . not even needed!! — concealer… ive only done step 1 and 2 and already looks flawless

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 3:29pm

  101. 101: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer — I’m curious why you’re not into the guy whom you say looks good on paper but you’re feelin resistance towards. Do you feel like maybe because he’s an alpha male, he has the power to reject you? I’m projecting a bit here…I tend to be drawn to alpha males and then things don’t work out and I feel rejected, even if my behavior is the main reason things went south…beta men always want to be with me long term, but as soon as I get the notion that they’re “beta” men, I become less interested…does that happen to you too?

    Or could it be that you feel somewhat offended by what he wrote in his riff? You’ve said your inner voice is telling you “No!”, but you haven’t said what you’re feeling…what do you think that is?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 3:41pm

  102. 102: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    for my dboy situation, rori said in a past post:

    If you decide to see him, and you’re NOT feeling good about it, but you can’t put your finger on it exactly (you can’t tell whether you feel uncomfortable because of his stuff or because of your own stuff), just don’t let yourself hang with him if you start to feel yourself being “used” in some way as a “stepping stone” for him to get over his wife and get out into the world.

    Don’t pretend, don’t be “cool” if you don’t FEEL cool, and don’t make idle conversation or allow it to be superficial.

    ok. I don’t want to make idle conversation or allow it to be superficial… ACK that feels scary…

    he always starts off with idle conversation… i DO feel im being used as a stepping stone

    ick ack ick

    blah

    i feel afraid of HOW to not allow it to be superficial

    by sticking to my feelings the whole time

    feels scary

    thank you

    hes already “acting up”

    my phone hung up on him in our convo and i get a voicemail that says

    “that was so wrong, im gonna let you figure your life out”

    well gee thanks, especially when i just told you i dont want to be sexual and be friends. hehe

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 3:55pm

  103. 103: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    CDing myself tonight and am feeling good about it…have been out with cougar man the past 3 nights and he would really like to see me again tonight, but I just want some peace and quiet at home.

    This guy’s definitely an “alpha” male, but I’m not intimidated or afraid he’s going to leave me, which is probably the very reason he’s so into me (that and the fact that he thinks I have another date tonight…I just told him I “had plans”…my plans are to relax, watch a movie and maybe catch up a little on this blog, lol).

    Now that I’ve got him “bagged” so to speak, I’m finding I’m unsure how interested I am in him…he’s moderately attractive, but not in great shape and the last guy I dated owned his own business AND had worked occasionally as a fitness model…he was THAT good looking, so I guess I’m comparing them and finding him lacking in that department.

    On the other hand, he seems genuinely into me and wants to make me happy, which is nice…my guy pal whom I talk to sometimes about my dating life says he thinks I’m using this guy because I’m not sure I’m that into him yet I’m continuing to see him. I’m feeling selfish and mean for leading him on by continuing to see him when I’m really focused on getting to know Blondie right now (we’re supposed to talk later tonight after his daughter’s are in bed). He’s a hottie and is definitely an alpha male, but he’s triggering me a little cause my judgement is that it’s alpha males who use and abandon women. Now my voice is telling me “only if you let them”, which seems like it’s my fault if I feel I’ve been used and abandoned…kind of confused now.

    Maybe I just never want what I have or want what I can’t have?

    Indy guy called today and I talked to him about the fact that he has been “busy” with his schedule lately and I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks…he tells me he’s interested in me and, reading between the lines, he can’t be dating anyone else, but he lives 3 hours away and basically hasn’t “found” the time to see me lately…he said after the next 2 wknds (he has a wedding and some other events coming up) that he’ll definitely be able to see me then…I told him that when I spend time with him, I feel there’s a connection there, but when I don’t see him for a while, it feels like we lose our momentum.

    I told him most guys, if they’re really interested in a girl, figure out a way to find the time to see them…I told him I don’t want to pressure you to see me, but I’m also curious about the potential we have. I said I was keeping all my options open right now and I didn’t know what would happen with whom, but that if I got carried away with the momentum of a different relationship, I would be curious whether he and I would have had some potential.
    That seemed to get his attention…he knows I have other men asking me out, but I don’t know that he thought (much anyway) about the fact that someone else could swoop in and scoop me up. He asked if the other guys I’m seeing are closer and I told him 2 were in my city and one was 1.5 hours away…then I told him a little bit of a lie, and I’m not sure why I did this…I told him I was making a consious effort to not let myself rush into anything so I wasn’t see anyone like 2 or 3 nights in a row, but still, a lot can happen in the dating world in a week or two.

    Why did I sit there and lie to him about not seeing someone super often when, in fact, I’ve been out with cougar man 3 nights in a row…it was because I wanted to make sure he knew I was still “available” and I don’t like that I did that…I had told him earlier that obviously I wasn’t serious about any of the other men I was dating as of this moment or I wouldn’t be sitting here discussing the getting together with him, but why didn’t I just leave it at that? I also implied I hadn’t had sex in a while (he made a comment about that and I agreed)…I guess I want him to know I’m a “good girl” who’s not out there sleeping around when the truth is, since he’s not stepping up, it’s none of his frickin business if I AM sleeping with someone!

    I feel angry at myself for seeking his approval…he’s not stepping up the way I’d prefer (the way cougar man and Blondie are), so it’s triggering me to try to “win him over”…grrrr…this is the type of behavior that got me into trouble with men in the first place!

    I’m going to process this a while…it helps to write it out to you guys…comments welcome.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 4:03pm

  104. 104: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Daria — so what did you say to him?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 4:15pm

  105. 105: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I just posted a new blog article on my site that includes about the power of sadness and the White Tiger Tantra (G-spot squirting orgasms) and healing the collective Feminine Pain Body.

    If anyone feels like checking it out, I’d be grateful for your responses in the comments section.

    Right now my mind feels overchurned and going to rest for a while. Feeling very connected here over the past day :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 4:25pm

  106. 106: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Erika told me about this thread and suggested I chime in. I’ve posted comments on Rori’s blog before a long time ago. I hope my comments help clear some of the confusion. Not too many dudes around here. :-)

    “And it is because i treat men just like i treat women.”
    #79 Gidget
    #87 Lucy

    Gidget makes a good point about over-analyzing men. When I have coached men around dating issues in the past, much of their problem has to do with “being in their heads” too much. They are thinking too much and not feeling their masculinity. They disassociate from their bodies to prevent them from feeling and being in the moment. Women do this too at the expense of cutting themselves off from their femininity, intuition, and natural power. Anything a woman can do to ground herself and connect with her own body will make her more attractive and empowered to make good decisions for herself.

    Now, this is only half of the equation. The modern man and woman must re-learn courtship strategies that have been core to our species since we walked upright on two legs. The industrial revolution, equal rights movement of the 60′s, and outrageous advances in technology have interfered dramatically with our ability to connect and commit in meaningful ways. Our culture changes at internet speeds now. We have blown everything up and now we’re totally lost and confused. We have to recreate everything in a whole new way.

    Here’s the basic courtship strategy for the woman who wants to attract a man who primarily operates in his masculine energy. Put yourself out there and flirt. Present your feminine side first in all social situations. Be girly. Men will approach. Your job is to screen them to see how grounded they are in their masculinity and ability to commit, among other traits. Test their leading abilities and if they fail, discard them. You are never obligated to proceed farther with any man you don’t want to. And you can test them forever if you want to. Keep your boundaries and values INTACT. These are the things you should not compromise. But don’t be uncompromising toward the man in front of you. He’s a human being too. Appreciate him for who he is even if he’s not the one for you. Erika teaches empathy and she’s right about how effective it is. We’ve forgotten it as a culture.

    One thing you should know about Erika. She is the ONLY woman I know who is fully engaged in this strategy. She is congruently feminine in her relationships with men. All other women I know are mixing up their masculine and feminine energy in some way and creating unsatisfactory results. Some of you have mentioned these behaviors already: interviewing men on dates, initiating contact with them to keep things moving, leading when you should be seeing if the man steps up to lead, etc. You’re thinking too much and you’re trying to control the outcome using your head, your logical mind, your ego, YOUR MASCULINE SIDE!! Let the man do that and see what happens. Stay connected to yourself and rely on your intuition more. It’s in there.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 5:01pm

  107. 107: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    KSoftly,

    Wow, glad you’re ok now.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:20pm

  108. 108: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    OMGosh, Knocksoftly!!!! Wow, oh wow….maybe we were all there with you? something was totally resonating on the board! I’m soooooo sorry to hear that – I am claustophobic and it’s one of my biggest fears in life – the back of a police car!

    I did spend one night in protective custody @ Sturgis….lol….Daria, you would love that place, and yeah, someone tried to start a fight with me in their nice clean jail….and one look at me had her turning around and shutting up. Rage is scary powerful, and makes you loose all sense of consequences.

    I am sorry about your grandmother, too, both my parents were gone by the time I was 36 and I have felt very alone….but never really abandoned.

    Big hug,
    J

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:20pm

  109. 109: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, re #87

    From what I’ve read throughout this blog, you certainly can call WH and ask him to lunch next week if – and this is a bold-faced, italicized IF – you can do it with the same degree of detachment from the results that you would have if you were asking a woman.

    If you asked a woman, and she couldn’t make plans with you, what self-talk would that prompt in you?

    If you asked WH, and he couldn’t make plans with you, what self-talk would that prompt in you?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:22pm

  110. 110: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Daria….I’m just happy to hear you’re out there with someone who you care about….not just a “friend” with no fear, etc. to work through/with!!

    Ladies!!! If you scroll all the way to the end of the Evan Mark ad….if you purchase before Sun. nite you also get a FREE PHONE coaching session!! wow, I think that is too cool, and would love for one of us to get in on that….and a like phone conference class too. Very cool, and probably overlooked if you don’t scroll all the way down.

    Best wishes for all,
    J

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:24pm

  111. 111: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Joan! love the mandala sig photo!!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:24pm

  112. 112: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ps…not the Sturgis jail, Daria….hahaha….Sturgis itself, an excellent adventure. Oh, and my mom? I got out of jail, got boyfriend out, and called and told her and she was like, put him on the phone now! and I was like oh, shit….and then she says to him “don’t you know if you go ANYWHERE with my daughter you’re going to have an adventure?” How cool is that for a “mom???”

    Knocksoftly still sending you waves of peace…..

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:27pm

  113. 113: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, all right, as I ready knocksoftly’s post about being in jail …

    I felt humor coming to me … and I noticed that if I were posting anywhere else, I would spontaneously just go with it … some of you are on Facebook with me, and maybe have noticed how I do a lot of lighthearted bantering with my guys …

    here though I’m worried humor is going to be triggering, and I’m gonna open it up anyway …

    knocksoftly, it seems to be that jail is the PERFECT place to get in touch with feelings, as there’s not much else to do and so can get present without distractions … so in a way it’s the perfect “holding space”

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:29pm

  114. 114: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Ode to double entendre’s…….

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:41pm

  115. 115: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly — I feel so bad for you that you had to spend the night in jail! That must have been quite an experience…I hope you’re able to figure out what you believe the message was from that experience and work through your anger as quickly as you’d like…of course, sometimes it takes longer to work through negative things than we’d like, but you don’t want to get stuck there.

    That’s an interesting take on my conversation with Indy guy about my mentioning that I wasn’t seeing the same person several nights in a row and was taking my time getting to know people…it was obviously a lie and now that I think about it, I can see you’re right about that…I was seeking approval because he’s obviously taking the slow train to relationship town and I guess I figured he’d like (and maybe repsect?) me more if he thought I was doing the same thing…

    He may or may not ever step up, but the thing I’m feeling most right now is regret for having mentioned it…I bought (and am in the process of reading) “Why He Disappeared” and I realize that while I was speaking my truth, so to speak, I was also making him feel bad about his approach to dating me, which, while not what I would prefer, is still a valid approach…if I don’t like it, I can opt to not go out with him again or see where he fits in my schedule if I feel like it, but I shouldn’t have criticized him (by saying things like, “most guys I’ve dated, if they’re really interested in me, figure out a way to find time for me”…I’m sure that made him feel guilty about things as opposed to inspiring him).

    Well, I guess I’m learning…now I feel compelled to send him a txt telling him that I understand if his schedule is busy and that I’m sure things will work out if they’re meant to be…but I guess I better not. I would like him to feel inspired to find time for me rather than feel bad about his approach/schedule…something I’m definitely going to keep in mind.

    Cougar man is pouting because he thinks I’m out with someone else…I feel a little “ick” about that because I’m starting to see his imperfections and I’m not sure how much time I want to spend with him…maybe I am just using him to build my ego and prevent myself from being lonely…but I haven’t lied about my feelings towards him or my intention of dating other men for now…still, I feel kind of guilty.

    Getting ready to txt blondie that I’m available to talk (he asked me to)…he intrigues me…maybe because he’s still an unknown…heck, I don’t know.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:43pm

  116. 116: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    What Joan said resonated with me. I gave up following “rules” with men a long time ago, and I found that thinking about leaning forward or back just got me in my head. My thing is I don’t ask guys on dates, and I don’t approach them in bars unless I sincerely need information or am in a “rockstar” space where I’m just connecting with no sexual intention.

    The more I just go with my spontaneous intuitions to connect, the better things go. If I don’t hear from VG and I’m missing him, I’ll send a simple feeling message text or even just say his name. I’ll say his name, and he writes back “I’m here” or “baby” or “yes love.” And then I say I was just reaching out to touch his arm to feel him, and then he’ll say something like “I’m here. I’m running my fingers through your hair, caressing your thigh.”

    I personally believe it’s fine to reach out, I just stay in my feelings and if I’m scared make it a little baby step so not too much fear will arise and block connection. I also reach out to lots of guys like on Facebook with sincere appreciation or humor and no attachment to them doing anything in return. I find that doing this with lots of guys over time and getting lots of positive responses has made me less scared about doing it when it matters.

    To me, the main benefit of not reaching out is making space, getting present with one’s own feelings instead of covering up anxiety by “doing” things.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:47pm

  117. 117: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    It really helps me to think of all men as my friends.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:50pm

  118. 118: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    “The slow train to relationship town” !!! :) lol!!
    ……….the long slow scenic route to relationship ;) love that …Renee

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:51pm

  119. 119: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Also, cuz of the whole mirror thing, and I didn’t want guys running away from me, I stopped running away from them. Instead of avoiding a guy, I would communicate with him honestly because that’s what I wanted men to do for me. If I think of all men as friends, and am in that relaxed space, why would any of them ever “disappear”? We are friends first and foremost.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 6:52pm

  120. 120: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jacqueline,
    Thanks for the compliment on the avatar. I “drew” it with an online kaleidoscope painter. I color mandalas either by hand or on my computer as my gateway to meditation/processing.

    Hi Erika,
    I don’t want my post to be misconstrued. I’m not advocating that Lucy contact WH. I *think* this is a case of comparing apples to oranges, and that she would be much more invested in the outcome with WH than if she were asking a woman. I’ve read the grief she’s put herself through over getting back her glasses from WH, and it would feel bad to see her do anything like that to herself again.

    Hi Lucy,
    Beyond clarifying my intention with Erika, I don’t want to continue to talk about you in the third person. Are you really willing to risk being just another woman in the posse that’s chasing WH (and none of whom have been able to “catch” him)?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:11pm

  121. 121: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “Are you really willing to risk being just another woman in the posse that’s chasing WH (and none of whom have been able to “catch” him)?”

    Joan and Lucy, this is what I mean about beliefs that don’t feel good and make things worse instead of better?

    How about a reframe here? I don’t know what reframe would feel good to you, Lucy, but when I reach out to men, here are some frames that feel good and relaxed to me:

    “I’m friends with all men, and I can reach out to anyone on this planet as a friend.”

    “I’m going to experiment, and whatever happens I’m going to learn something from it, about myself and men.”

    “It’s possible this could be painful to reach out, but what’s the worst that can happen? I’ll get triggered and that means I can release some of my limiting beliefs.”

    “What if none of my fearful interpretations about why I haven’t heard from him are true? What if there really could be an innocent explanation?”

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:20pm

  122. 122: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I can basically promise that anyone who believes this belief:

    “Are you really willing to risk being just another woman in the posse that’s chasing WH (and none of whom have been able to “catch” him)?”

    is going to shut down internally. And when you shut down internally, you shut him out. To me, this belief does NOT feel trusting, or open, or confident. It feels fearful.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:21pm

  123. 123: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Joan and Erika, thank you so much for your comments. I was shopping with my kids all evening (back-to-school/college stuff), and my feelings about WH were actually making me feel physically sick and in pain. At one point, I started thinking about the possibility of being friends with him if he doesn’t want to date me — so coming home and seeing what you wrote about men as friends, Erika, struck me as interesting.

    Oh — now I’m reading more of what you’re writing about it…..

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:28pm

  124. 124: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    Your “not running from guys-but communicating” reminds me of why I stopped smoking! I wanted to create more commitment in my relationships so I started with myself. I stopped breaking the promises I made to me to let go of a habit that had ceased to serve me :) it worked!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:32pm

  125. 125: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    ‘To me, the main benefit of not reaching out is making space, getting present with one’s own feelings instead of covering up anxiety by “doing” things.’

    Yes, while shopping, I was definitely present with my feelings and not doing anything to avoid my anxiety. I was feeling it full-force. I feel it physically right now, too, as a pain around my heart.

    While reading #122, I spontaneously breathed out a loooong sigh. It surprised me.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:34pm

  126. 126: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    The problem with the friends thing, though, is that I’ve read so much about how being a guy’s friend prevents him from being attracted to us romantically….

    I don’t know if I believe that though. In my personal experience (college years), there were two guys (at different times) I was friends with first that developed romantic feelings for me and eventually proposed to me. I was engaged to one of them — and, actually, WH reminds me of him — but I ended up breaking it off (and later wished I hadn’t.)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:45pm

  127. 127: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “Joan and Erika, thank you so much for your comments. I was shopping with my kids all evening (back-to-school/college stuff), and my feelings about WH were actually making me feel physically sick and in pain. At one point, I started thinking about the possibility of being friends with him if he doesn’t want to date me — so coming home and seeing what you wrote about men as friends, Erika, struck me as interesting.”

    Lol, Lucy, this is why I gave up diets long ago … I learned that diets made me HUNGRIER … and I learned that if I just went ahead and had the piece of chocolate at the moment I craved it, instead of obsessing about chocolate all day, the craving really was satisfied and I could get on to other tings …

    LOL :) This is why I don’t worry about which way I’m leaning …

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:46pm

  128. 128: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Erika … it feels fearful … but, then again, so did all those posts I read from Lucy browbeating herself about how she handled the glasses situation. So, yes, it would be something that needs to be addressed BEFORE she makes contact.

    My question referenced comments that Lucy has made in the past about WH being used to women chasing him. Maybe one of your reframes will work for her, and that would be great. I vote for Lucy. :-)

    Still, I’d be surprised to discover that Lucy desires to reach out to WH as a friend (or an “experiment”).
    Lucy, how do you feel about it?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:50pm

  129. 129: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you about the mirror thing, Erika. The last couple days I have been realizing that I have not treated a lot of men the way I would want to be treated, and I am adjusting that.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:51pm

  130. 130: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, this crappy slow DSL. You’ve already replied.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:52pm

  131. 131: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    By the way, money is like men …

    When it’s not flowing in, it’s because something is shut down internally …. money loves us and wants to come adore us :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:52pm

  132. 132: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Joan — I think maybe you are getting WH confused with TN man. TN man is the one who has always had women chasing him.

    WH did mention that women on dating sites sometimes ask him out, but he gave me the impression that they don’t end up pursuing him past that. From what he has said, it doesn’t seem that there are many (if ANY) women chasing him.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 7:59pm

  133. 133: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Nope, I don’t have them confused … just maybe had the verbiage wrong – “chasing” vs. “asking out”.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:03pm

  134. 134: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, re: #132. The frustrating thing is that men have been flowing in like crazy, wanting to date me and even marry me — for a year now — and, although I like many of them as friends, I don’t feel any more than that for them. WH is the first man I’ve gone out with since my divorce who I actually feel those feelings for — and, based on my experience with all the other men, I thought that he would feel that way too! I was very surprised it turned out this way.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:10pm

  135. 135: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Sigh,

    I wish I could attract money the way i’ve attracted men :(

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:13pm

  136. 136: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Are you really willing to risk being just another woman in the posse that’s chasing WH (and none of whom have been able to “catch” him)?”

    Joan, this is what I’m referring to. It does not seem like an accurate depiction of his experience with women. From what he has said, there are not many women interested in “catching” him.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:13pm

  137. 137: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, I kinda like these two reframes:

    “I’m friends with all men, and I can reach out to anyone on this planet as a friend.”

    “What if none of my fearful interpretations about why I haven’t heard from him are true? What if there really could be an innocent explanation?”

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:16pm

  138. 138: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Ditto, Nikita.

    I’ve got the man.

    Money, step up!

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:18pm

  139. 139: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Whenever I see WH mentioned I feel reminded of PG(man I dated).I literally see his face. It’s the initials….and the fact he was a hottie….who proposed!!!! And then…..I got fearful…and then….. Anyways-I feel a mild trigger when I see those two letters together and I secretly want Lucy to connect with WH because of my experience. In hindsight I wasn’t brave enough to be completely present and authentic….I felt skittish….I am WH’s biased cheerleader.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:21pm

  140. 140: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    And myWH (PG) was soooooo chased by women….and “not yet caught”. I couldn’t believe that he was trying to yoke himself…..

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:24pm

  141. 141: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “And when you shut down internally, you shut him out.”

    It seems that is where I am right now — right at the edge of that shutting down place — struggling to be trusting, open, and confident — struggling to choose beliefs that serve me vs. beliefs that bring me down.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:24pm

  142. 142: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes!!! Omg!!! After we parted I learned he had been pretty single and not “hooking up”! But I saw it that he was soooo…whatever, I choose to let it go :)
    sigh…..he’s still a hottie tho :p

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:27pm

  143. 143: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, mea culpa.

    Apparently, then, it was a faulty remembering on my part of what I had read when you were going through the agonies of wanting to lean forward with him before he asked you for a date. I am sorry that I misremembered, and therefore misrepresented, his situation.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:27pm

  144. 144: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, this made me smile:

    “I secretly want Lucy to connect with WH because of my experience. In hindsight I wasn’t brave enough to be completely present and authentic….I felt skittish….I am WH’s biased cheerleader.”

    Thanks. :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:27pm

  145. 145: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Joan, no worries. I remember writing on here that I *wondered* if he was used to women chasing him (based on him saying that women online have asked him out and on the fact that he kept saying he was interested in me and wanted to date me but wasn’t coming right out and asking pointblank for a date.)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:33pm

  146. 146: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy — I feel bad when I think of your reaching out to WH…I think I’m just projecting her my fear of rejection, but Rori really talks a lot about leaning back, especially when you’re attached to the outcome. If you get to a place where you’re honestly not attached, maybe it would feel better to have you contact him. What do you think?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:34pm

  147. 147: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Joan, I so love mandalas….can you tell me the program link? I love kalaidoscopes, too….cool; they can get repetitive like in a coloring book I got of them but I had a great time once at a class where we drew them and the teacher “interpreted” them….

    About the other conversation going on, I too have read a lot of Lucy’s struggles – Hi, Lucy! and have wondered what the gut reaction of hers – yours, actually, Lucy would be if you weren’t following the “tools” like leaning back? What was it like before you began to apply them, better, worse?

    Hi, Erika! The reason I feel I can still be in communication with every “ex” I’ve had is just that…they were and are my friends. Great place to be at with an ex, would NOT want to be there with someone I wanted as a hot lover, tho! That should start out with fireworks and sparks, for me…smile….

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:34pm

  148. 148: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I would really like to be able to detach from him — to just not care. But I can’t seem to get to that place.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:37pm

  149. 149: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I don’t know and I’m not giving advice cuz I don’t know the big picture … But the glasses thing felt to me like so much ‘thinking’ about leaning back that it honestly wouldn’t surprise me at all if he thinks you are not interested.

    That last reframe felt the best to me too. What if he honestly thinks you are not interested?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:38pm

  150. 150: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Renee. Thanks for your input. I don’t know whether or not I’m going to reach out to him. Right now I am not really focused on *doing* anything (or even on making a decision about that) but rather on what’s going on internally for me.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:42pm

  151. 151: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Aha!!! I felt the same way about the glasses thing Lucy! (as Erika) but since I was biased I never wrote about it-but my feelings around it were; wow he’s trying in his way but she beat him to the punch on this one….my authentic would be I need them asap-what’s faster for you WH? Can you be here in an hour :)?

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:43pm

  152. 152: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    Caring is good. I care – I’m just not losing sleep over it :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:44pm

  153. 153: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, when I talked to TN man about the glasses thing, he said the same thing you did — that WH probably thought I wasn’t interested. However — when my glasses arrived in the mail, I sent him a thank you text and — because of what TN man said — added that I would love to see him again.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:45pm

  154. 154: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jacqueline. Great question! I started dating at the same time I started using the tools — about a year ago. But, prior to my marriage, I pretty much got whatever guy I wanted until I didn’t want him any more. Sometimes I was pretty forward about it, too — and not in an anxious way.

    I have wondered this before, and it has crossed my mind again in this situation — if maybe the guys I like aren’t really “masculine energy” guys. I don’t know….

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 8:57pm

  155. 155: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @Lucy….did you get a reply from the text? I don’t know if you saw my question – but how is it different/better for you now that you are using these tools? I’m curious how leaning back, et. al. feels to you because you obviously feel deeply about all these things. Do they feel different when or because you are using Rori’s tools/methods? Do they feel better?

    Thanks, all…..

    Jacqueline

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:00pm

  156. 156: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline,

    The kaleidoscope painter can be found at: w w w dot permadi dot com / java / spaint / spaint dot html

    You can create your own mandalas at: w w w dot girlsgotech dot org / mandala dot asp

    Of course, take out all the spaces and replace the words “dot” with actual periods.

    There are other sites that have free mandalas that you can download to your computer and either color on your computer (using Paint, etc.) or print and color by hand. However, I don’t wan’t to usurp any more of Rori’s space by listing them. If there is another way to contact you, I’d be happy to send you the links to the ones that I’ve frequently used.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:04pm

  157. 157: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, Nikita, you know what just occurred to me while reading your comment? That I might have hurt his feelings.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:04pm

  158. 158: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    omgosh….these crossing messages! funny….

    My most succesful starts have been when I’ve felt like I had nothing to loose – like when I went up to the DJ at a bar, turned out to be the bar owner feeling in, and said you’re the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen…that turned into a four year thing. But the funniest part was he couldn’t hear me, had no idea what I’d said…it was all the attitude. It feels great to have a man pursue you, and the do zero in quickly I believe. But you do seem to be a deep thinker/feeler and maybe the man you want will be more sensitive to all things, and therefore rejection, too. Cuz I totally don’t get it that as cool as you sound and as much as you are using the CD tool it’s not coming together for you. But I know it will when you are in that space….and it sounds like your body’s telling you there are still things to process around it???

    How does that feel to you?

    Glad all is good – hope knocksoftly is okay!!!!!

    Nite all…..

    J

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:06pm

  159. 159: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    On our date, he told me that his wife left him because she said she just didn’t love him anymore, but he thought the real reason was that she was *embarrassed* by him. That she had “outgrown” him — she had become very successful and well-known in her career, and he was pretty much where he had been all along — his business made enough to pay the bills, but his heart was in his songwriting — and I would imagine that his looks didn’t fit in well with her crowd either — he’s definitely not the suit and tie type. Lol. He looks kinda like Billy Ray Cyrus. (Other people have told him that too.) His speaking voice sounds like him, too.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:13pm

  160. 160: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Erika and Nikita, finally, someone mentioned the “elephant in the room”. I was also of that mindset about WH’s offer to meet to return the glasses. It felt cruel for me to mention it, though, because by the time I read about it, Lucy had already put herself through enough h*ll over it, and seemingly, nobody else had seen it that way. (Yeah, I was chicken … bawk, bawk, bawk!)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:18pm

  161. 161: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @Lucy…yeah, that’s what I mean about all recently broken up with men have issues! I found a lot of that, too on online dating, esp. if they had recently been broken up. Well, you have to go with your gut feeling on it – I too was angry that he didn’t step up esp. when you contacted him, it stank that you had to do that so you couldn’t see what could happen organically! but that part of the story makes it seem different. It’s just going to be whatever makes YOU feel best now, I’m hoping.

    Joan – yes please!!! Rori’s really generous about this stuff, but my new email which will someday link to my site and anyone can write me at is Houstonrelationshipsurvey@yahoo.com. Site is purchased and is going to be Lifesdreamcreations.com. Fun, huh?

    Nite all sirens….

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:33pm

  162. 162: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, I’m not sure what you’re saying here:

    “I too was angry that he didn’t step up esp. when you contacted him, it stank that you had to do that so you couldn’t see what could happen organically! but that part of the story makes it seem different.”

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:38pm

  163. 163: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you so much, everyone, for talking with me about this tonight. Feeling your love and care has made this a much better night for me. I am deeply grateful.

    <3
    Lucy

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:40pm

  164. 164: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Meanwhile, on the other side of Siren Island, I’m preparing for a different journey …

    Row, row, row my boat
    Swiftly out to sea.
    Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
    Money comes to me!

    *singing and tapping into the night*

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:49pm

  165. 165: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Joan, I love it! I’m gonna sing myself to sleep with that — with you-know-who replacing “money.” :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 9:54pm

  166. 166: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lucy: I’m in agreement with the consensus that it’s quite possible he thinks youre not interested. When I read your texts about the glasses, I felt bummed because it seemed like the was a lot of potential in the beginning but then you got nervous and sorta jumped in and made a suggestion. I could see how a sensitive guy could feel confused about your interest level.

    I’m also remembering TN…that you eventually contacted him first and even though you found out some kinda bummer news, it seemed to me that you felt better at least knowing what was going on.

    Wanted to share my perspective with the hopes that it will help in some way.

    Xoxo

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:41pm

  167. 167: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “Erika and Nikita, finally, someone mentioned the “elephant in the room”. I was also of that mindset about WH’s offer to meet to return the glasses. It felt cruel for me to mention it, though, because by the time I read about it, Lucy had already put herself through enough h*ll over it, and seemingly, nobody else had seen it that way. (Yeah, I was chicken … bawk, bawk, bawk!)”

    Lol, I surely hope nobody here expects me to be silent in the face of GIGANTIC elephants in the room … lol :p

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:45pm

  168. 168: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t been out in about two weeks. Went out with Czech Girl tonight for about two hours, and men were all over me, with their eyes, coming over, sitting at the table with me … this is why no more circular dating for me … God will take care of me :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:48pm

  169. 169: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, from what you described, it seems like he has plenty of limiting beliefs of his own, and that’s okay. Men are human beings, just like us. My current guy has a few, and he is amazing.

    No need to put WH on a pedestal though. VG and I are friends first. He even said straight up this isn’t about sex for him. Men don’t choose a life partner for sex. They choose her for emotional intimacy.

    I’m not giving you advice. I refuse to give advice in any situation where I don’t fully understand it holistically. Yet intuition says: Analysis here is pointless. How he is feeling is changing moment to moment just how you are feeling is changing. The frame I’d go for here, to reduce the fear so you can reconnect is, “at the very least, this guy is a learning partner for me, so it’s okay for me to reach out.”

    And I’d reach out with a feeling message, not a “strategy.” Meaning, I wouldn’t ask to see him again. If it were one of my guys, I’d say the feelings from my heart.

    I simply would satisfy my chocolate craving in this situation, and I wouldn’t listen to any advice to the contrary. And if it didn’t work out the way I wanted, I’d know, deep down, that I’m going to be okay anyway.

    “I choose to be powerful anyway.” One of my all time favorite mantras.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:55pm

  170. 170: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    Something that has helped me when I’m feeling sick over a guy…a guy who I feel soooo attracted to and I just know i will never meet some one as cool, sexy, hot, perfect for me, as he is ever again…

    What works for me is, I remind myself that God created TN, this hottie that you feel so good connecting with and God created WH, with whom you also feel a strong connection, so what if God has created someone even better for you. What if he’s right there? He’s standing at the door getting ready to knock but he can’t until you surrender and trust that God is bringing you your perfect man.

    Possible reframe…

    The only possible reason for him not being interested in me is that God has something even better in store for me.

    Ya mama! That feels good to me! I feel excited about the man that is standing outside your door lifting up his hand to knock.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 10:57pm

  171. 171: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Let him in Lucy :-)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:01pm

  172. 172: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I can see him from here… He’s quite hot in the way that you like ‘em, he’s smart, he understands emotions, and spirit, you feel great around him, you can feel how much he loves you. There’s no doubt in your mind. And you feel relaxed knowing that you are a perfect match for him just like he is for you.

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:06pm

  173. 173: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    There’s so many other posts I would like to respond to but this goddess needs some rest.

    Sweet dreams all

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:07pm

  174. 174: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Tonight I took a taxi home, and the cab driver had a beautiful dog in the front seat next to him. That dog wanted to climb back into the back seat with me. And I got present, and my heart connected with that dog, and I felt her sadness, and I gave her some Reiki, and by the time we got home her sadness was gone. It was such a sweet moment :)

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:34pm

  175. 175: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling msg – I don’t know what I would express to him. My genuine feelings are: I feel drawn to him, scared of him not wanting me… Wow, I just realized I also feel scared of having a relationship with him. Hmm. I feel kinda mad. And I feel my heart race when I see his picture – not because he’s so “hot” but because I just like/love him so much. I feel peaceful and joyful when I remember parts of the date without feeling the pain. I feel happy and sad at the same time when I look at the frog he won for me

    Saturday, 21 August 2010 @ 11:53pm

  176. 176: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, LG, for your beautiful helpful words. <3

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:00am

  177. 177: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Another feeling: I feel angry and judgmental of myself for feeling so attached to a man after one date. I feel like Elliot with E.T.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:19am

  178. 178: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Another: I feel a little tiny itty bitty glimmer of hope that he is still interested in me.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:28am

  179. 179: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    And I feel like smacking myself in the face and throwing my phone (which happens to be a motorola karma) across the room. And I feel like kissing him and running my hands through his hair. And looking into his eyes. And loving him.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:33am

  180. 180: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    “Is he interested in me or not?” feels like a fearful frame to me.

    It kinda puts all the power outside of YOU.

    My frame is “All men are interested in me. And everything I say or do is the perfect thing to say or do in any circumstance.”

    Say, for example, he’s not interested right now. Doesn’t matter. Feelings are fleeting. He could be not interested right now and propose to you next month. That sort of thing has happened to me.

    What I’m looking for here is to move the internal focus off of him and what he thinks/feels to YOU. And the reason for that is that feelings are shared.

    So if you are in a fearful, contracted frame and feeling fearful and contracted inside, then it’s less likely you hear from him. Because communication is blocked. Now if we can open you up inside by getting you in a stable, relaxed, YOU-focused frame, then things tend to shift to a better place … that resonate?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:40am

  181. 181: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I’m also noticing that it kinda feels like you are going round and round in circles about this … and what I find with people I work with is there are usually two things going on:

    1. The frame “is he interested in me or not?” is an in the head, round-and-round in circles frame because it gets you analyzing every little detail trying to “figure it out” and then if you’re in your head, you’ve disconnected from him. We need a stable, in-your-body-and-feelings frame instead.

    2. Very commonly, a round-and-round pattern like this started with an earlier trauma, and we want to clear out the earlier trauma from your energy system if that’s the case.

    Example: I have a friend who’s always indecisive about big decisions. We traced back to a childhood memory where they took her guinea pig to the vet and could have had a caesarean that day but waited until the next, and overnight the guinea pig died. The “second guessing” and trauma from that made her second guess herself about decisions and be paralyzed to make them from that day forward. Leading to round-and-round in the head pattern.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:06am

  182. 182: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    lol, I just noticed my “we want to” language could be triggering. I really am just sharing my experience and please let me know if there’s a way to share it that feels better to you.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:07am

  183. 183: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Erika. I really enjoyed hearing your story about the dog in the taxi.

    It reminds me of an experience I had yesterday. I stopped to check out a garage sale that I passed on the way home. I had my dog with me. The children got super excited and all ran over to pet my dog. There was one boy in particular who really loved dogs. His mom told him to give my dog space because he was just so excited. I could feel his sadness as that happened.

    As we were leaving this little boy was following behind us and I imagined that he just wanted to bask in the pure sweet energy that animals often have. So I stopped with my dog and we were just present with the little boy and I listened to him tell me about his dog and I as was with him, I felt so connected. I felt so connected to this sweet little boy and so happy that as I was listening my heart was so open to him. And as I was doing it, I was reminded of me as a sweet little girl who also loves animals.

    The moment felt so sweet and innocent and pure and living and as I drove away I felt such a wonderful feeling of love flowing through my being.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:12am

  184. 184: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel reminded of a belief that I have about myself…

    I am really great with animals, plants, and children …it’s adult humans that I sometimes struggle with.

    I’m going to try and reframe that belief.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:18am

  185. 185: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, LG, I was in the other room doing a few yoga poses, and I felt a heart opening, so I came back and saw your posts … feel tears coming … I feel sad about the man you had to live with as a child and how much his heart was shut down.

    I feel sad about children being raised by deeply unconscious parents and shutting their hearts down to protect themselves like I did. When I first did Reiki sessions with a healer a few years ago, she said, wow your heart is pristine, but you’ve locked everyone out of it. There’s nobody in there. And that was true, I had locked it up and thrown away the key.

    And a few months later, after much much much HBR on dozens of childhood memories, we did another session, and she said, “Wow, things have changed. Now your heart is like a crowded cocktail party. We’re going to open it up and make more room!!”

    :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:28am

  186. 186: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,
    “Example: I have a friend who’s always indecisive about big decisions. We traced back to a childhood memory where they took her guinea pig to the vet and could have had a caesarean that day but waited until the next, and overnight the guinea pig died. The “second guessing” and trauma from that made her second guess herself about decisions and be paralyzed to make them from that day forward. Leading to round-and-round in the head pattern.”

    This touched me deeply; I have been notoriously indecisive….I’ve felt powerless to change it but now I’m wondering if it is connected to my parents’ divorce. I was forced to make a lot of decisions at an early age. Decisions involving who to live with, who to spend summers with, where to spend Xmas and I was in a constant state of fear to a degree because I didn’t want to hurt either of their feelings. I also promised myself; when I grow up there will be no more decisions….I’m tired of making big decisions….but that’s an eight year old talking. Wow, I feel empowered around this now-and it was a blind spot for me….I feel hopeful that I could be decisive about everything and really take the bull by the horns :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:09am

  187. 187: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I had a guinea pig when my parents were married and perhaps that’s how I connected to this? But I have felt paralyzed about career….

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:13am

  188. 188: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    John – how fantastic to have you here!!!! Yes – I can help you, I’ll write a post about this – it’ll go up in around 2 weeks – I used to do workshops for men to help them be more personally authoritative and cherish a woman’s feelings. Here it goes – you can’t be too overly interested in making her happy – or she’ll feel NEEDINESS from you – and move away from you. Personal authority for a man is feeling confident inside, and NOT needy (just like for a woman) – in other words – you’d do fine without her. Now – you feel your love for her, and extend it this way – when she complains, whines, cries, gets angry about something at work – or about YOU – you stand there and listen. You nod your head. Even if you want to fix it, or check out because it’s too much emotion coming at you – you stand there like a man. Lean your body forward – towards her. Pay attention as best you can, even if it’s whizzing by you and you just want to run away from it. Keep nodding your head. When she’s done…do something amazing…say “I’m so sorry you’re upset.” if she’s upset with you – say “I’m sorry I upset you.” If it’s about work, say “I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I want to fix it for you.” Whatever happens – even if you think SHE’S the one who caused the situation – do NOT try to fix it, do not tell her what she did wrong…just stand there and say…”And what happened then…” or “How do you feel?” And stand there and hear her as best you can. Then move in and give her a huge hug. This works for nearly everything…There’s so much more…I’ll give writing it down a go…Love, Rori

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:32am

  189. 189: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Jason – this is amazing, and since not everyone who comes by here will read it as a comment – I’m going to pull it out and post it…Love, Rori

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:36am

  190. 190: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Erika. No worries about the language you used — it felt non-triggering to me.

    Part of my problem here is that my friend’s 18 yr old son was killed in a car crash last weekend — and that has precipitated in me a feeling of being terrified by life right now. Afraid of losing my kids, afraid of everything. My daughter has a life-threatening, progressive genetic disease and her condition is deteriorating. She is returning to college this week (senior yr) and I feel afraid it will be too much for her physically and emotionally. Everything feels so unsafe and scary right now. I think this is all adding to what’s going on with WH.

    “Now if we can open you up inside by getting you in a stable, relaxed, YOU-focused frame, then things tend to shift to a better place … that resonate?”

    Yes, that’s what I have been trying to do, but can’t seem to get there — or should I say, I haven’t gotten there yet. I think I cleared out most of my childhood traumas using that HBR workshop series you offered awhile back — I kept doing it over and over as more things came up, and it helped a LOT.

    I wish I could get past this. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to feel so needy. I feel like I need a big hug from a strong and gentle man — like Rori wrote in her response to John.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 11:36am

  191. 191: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly, I’m sorry you are feeling so badly too. <3

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 11:37am

  192. 192: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    @Jason, I’m so glad you are here :)

    @Nikita, cool, I’m so glad that resonated with you :)

    @Rori, I feel so much warmth from you :)

    @knocksoftly, does this resonate?

    After I told Vegas Guy no sex without commitment, we were at an impasse. He seemed immovable. My self-talk was, “that’s okay, I know what I want and I’m not settling for less, we can just be friends.”

    I had moved fully into acceptance and “friend” mode when he suddenly proposed.

    It’s just a dance :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 11:37am

  193. 193: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    John, you rock. :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 11:39am

  194. 194: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly, she has cystic fibrosis (and a couple years ago developed CF-related diabetes as well).

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 11:53am

  195. 195: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Did John’s post get pulled? I don’t see it…..

    @ Lucy – what I meant was I think you reacted differently sinced you were basically forced into contacting him rather than getting to wait and see if he stepped up. You had to make a move, and experienced uncomfortableness because of that so neither of you were reacting the way you might have. So, who knows?

    However, I asked my guy about this….and he had a different take on it. So, this is my significant other (cute enough that women stare at him when we’re out….lol)’s statement, and yall, puhleeeze no throwing tomatoes!!!

    He said anytime a guy stays out til 4 am with someone he’s probably expecting it to get physical or go somewhere physical and he wasn’t going to call you back when it didn’t.

    This is a guy I had a first lunch with after 100 or more….and we’d both sent little thanks had a great time with roses…lol….within 2 hours after lunch….and even tho he’s so non confrontational, he was definitely targeted and coming after me as soon as he knew I was open to it. Amazing the results he got actually, as I was pretty sure in the no, I’m gonna marry a rich man and travel around the world line….or in the I’m not the marrying kind line – well, that is actually true.

    So, if this makes you feel angry, etc. I apologize, but we do all to often only see our feminine opinions on here.

    All that said, you really really liked this guy – I’d PHONE him…texts are vague and easy to ignore…and say, hey, how’s it going – you’ve got back up if he just echoes the other guy with I’ve found someone, and that was waaaay up the scale from dissapearing anyway, so you’re moving uPPPPP….

    you all have a great lazy day or kayaking nike just do it kind of day!!

    Jacqueline

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 11:54am

  196. 196: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    that’s 100 or more internet coffee dates/lunches har….

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 11:55am

  197. 197: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    and the thank you with roses were emailed…I didn’t really send roses….haha….funny that we both chose those – mine were goth rocker black ink looking on dark red, tho…..

    KS – I’ve got a whole story about dealing with love don’t make it all work out and letting go, one day I’ll tell it, and it’s pretty unusual and amazing and sad and beautiful – actually it’s publised on Divine Caroline, if you want to read it let me know.

    best,
    J

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 11:59am

  198. 198: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jacqueline. Oh, you mean that I had to contact him because of the glasses? You’re right, that felt so frustrating to have to do that.

    Thanks for sharing your guy’s take on it. I thought it was kinda funny. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t an issue. I talked to two of my guy friends about the whole thing, and neither of them said anything about that being a problem (and they’re both very honest and upfront with me.)

    Plus, that feels like more analyzing and getting up in my head.

    Now I’m not sure what you mean by this: “and that was waaaay up the scale from dissapearing anyway, so you’re moving uPPPPP….”

    <3
    Lucy

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:06pm

  199. 199: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, I meant that the guy contacting you and letting you know where he’d gone – ie to an exclusive relationship is better than a guy just dissapearing, so to me, I’d be thinking I was picking/getting high quality guys and yeah, me!!

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:09pm

  200. 200: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    @Lucy, did you see my earlier post on this thread about what HBR did for my health problems?

    I feel curious what past pain may be touched in you by the present feeling of un-safety …

    See, I didn’t hear from VG all day yesterday, but I didn’t make it “mean” anything, and today out of the blue while I was talking to the Vagina Mechanic, he sent me this text:

    “Kisses have a wonderful day”

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:14pm

  201. 201: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Those were three unrelated impressions there, sorry I didn’t make that clear

    1. health

    2. un-safety and link to past pain

    3. not making silence “mean” something bad

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:15pm

  202. 202: Evan Marc KatzNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, it’s Evan, and I just wanted thank Rori for sharing “Why He Disappeared” with you. Believe me, her endorsement means the world to me, and I deeply appreciate the women who want to understand men from a MAN’s perspective.

    Which is why it’s so heartening to see John post on Rori’s blog to learn how to better connect with and please his girlfriend. The world should be FILLED with men like John who truly want to understand women better.

    But it’s not.

    This isn’t news – yet it’s undoubtedly caused a great many of your frustrations. You want men to be different. To get you. To understand you. To think like you.

    Those men are such a small percentage of the population that coaches like me literally decided to STOP coaching men because so few of them ask for help.

    Which is why YOUR growth and understanding is so important, so fundamental to this process.

    There are MILLIONS of men who can make you happy, who want to make you happy, without ever having reached out to the Roris and Evans of the world. THESE are the ones that you want to reach. Men who are MEN. They’re not self-help oriented, they’re not spiritually inclined, but they’re good, strong, kind, human beings who appreciate the love of a trusting, fun, playful, thoughtful, sexy woman who understands him and lets him be himself.

    Wouldn’t the world be a better place if there were more Johns in it?

    I think so. You can make that happen with your growth, self-awareness and confidence that come from understanding men the way you’d like men to understand you.

    If you’re reading this, it says a lot about you that you’re willing to “go past” getting triggered to get to the root of what makes men tick and why we stick around with some women and not others. I appreciate it and I know Rori does as well.

    My wife is my inspiration and I’m positive you can be a good man’s inspiration one day, too.

    Warmest wishes and much love,

    Evan

    Note from Rori: – I wanted to put in a link to Evan’s book Why He Disappeared because it’s last day to get all the bonuses if you were thinking about it…,

    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/products/why-he-disappeared-launch.html

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:31pm

  203. 203: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    Would you be willing to help me with this? This is an area where I’m not sure I’m communicating my message very well.

    “Yes, that’s what I have been trying to do, but can’t seem to get there — or should I say, I haven’t gotten there yet. I think I cleared out most of my childhood traumas using that HBR workshop series you offered awhile back — I kept doing it over and over as more things came up, and it helped a LOT.

    I wish I could get past this. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to feel so needy.”

    It has been my experience that if all childhood traumas are cleared out, neediness disappears COMPLETELY. Pure presence is 100% peaceful. Nothing “bad” happens anymore. If we have anything other than pure peace at all times, then the PAST is interfering with the present.

    I have found all kinds of secrets and shortcuts for getting stuff from the past up to the surface to be cleared. Issues people didn’t even know they had.

    Yet, how do I communicate in a non-condescending way this message … if your life is not exactly the way you want it to be, there is more to clear … and I know how to do it …

    I welcome other Sirens’ views on this also … (and men’s)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:38pm

  204. 204: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 208: Erika Awakening

    Erika’s right. Neediness is based on old fear. If you clear the fear, then you don’t feel that compulsion to cling to whatever you believe will soothe the anxiety. The absence of fear feels great and leads you to abundance and gratitude. You’ll be more attractive and suddenly that one guy you’ve been hung up on won’t seem like such a great thing. You’ll get other guys approaching you. Can’t feel that way when the adrenaline in your brain is giving you tunnel vision.

    Same advice I would give a man… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPLEClawXl4

    Sirens?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siren

    A man cannot resist a siren, right? Focus on working on yourself till you’re the siren. Be the grounded feminine woman first, then choose your suitor. There is no worthy man you can attract in a needy state.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 12:58pm

  205. 205: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “Focus on working on yourself till you’re the siren. Be the grounded feminine woman first, then choose your suitor. There is no worthy man you can attract in a needy state.”

    Damn, Jason, that is an amazing insight. Feels soooo true, now that I’ve seen the entire ladder from pit of despair to full empowerment.

    Hey Evan, it feels good to hear from you on the thread. I really enjoyed reading your “understanding men” approach to all this … it really resonated with me and sounded very valuable for women who are frustrated and thinking “what am I missing? why is this not working?”

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 1:08pm

  206. 206: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 211: Erika Awakening

    Thanks, Erika. I’m cranking out blog posts…

    http://www.getthedude.com

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 1:19pm

  207. 207: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    I think that is so cool you did Reiki on the dog in the taxi cab!!! I really connect with dogs, too. I love it when people are in tune with dogs’ emotions. They are such social creatures. They just want to love and be loved.

    I believe it isn’t coincedence that dog is God spelled backwards! God gave us dogs to show us how to love each other unconditionally! :-)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 1:20pm

  208. 208: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Erika. I’m blogging away…

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 1:21pm

  209. 209: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Erika, I saw the post about your health.

    I feel curious about the past pain relating to unsafety, too. There were many issues/incidents in childhood, and even before I was born, that relate to fear and un-safety which I have already resolved — so I feel curious about what I may have missed.

    Michael Brown tells an excellent and memorable tale that drives home the folly of attributing meaning to events when we don’t have all the information — I don’t think it’s online anywhere — wish it was — it’s about a man’s dog and the neighbor’s prize rabbit — has anyone read it? I read it to my kids — it’s kinda funny and so enlightening!

    I feel happy that you received that sweet text from VG. :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 2:04pm

  210. 210: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Lucy :)

    There’s a thing called “dissociation” … a lot of events have been pushed beneath conscious awareness … the post painful events, the ones we emotionally disconnected from, are the ones most likely to be inaccessible … unfortunately, those are also the ones that are wreaking havoc in the present moment …

    … and only after becoming deeply intimate with the way the subconscious mind works did I develop methods that work consistently to coax that stuff to the surface …

    This is not something I’m just pontificating about out of thin air … this is something I’ve witnessed over and over and over again. And when we find the past pain and release it, the present moment problem spontaneously resolves, usually all by itself.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 2:23pm

  211. 211: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    This is why I ended up feeling regret about that 7-day video course. People did it and thought “ok, I can do this, I don’t need any help with this.” And what I must not have communicated very well is that the free video course barely scratched the surface of the liberation that is possible.

    I feel confused about this, I feel the message is not being heard. And I’m not sure if it’s because the power of this technology is so big that people don’t really believe it’s possible to do what I’m saying, that is solve every problem in your life and have perfect peace, or if there’s some other block in my communication.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 2:30pm

  212. 212: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, #209-211. I will offer my random thoughts on this and maybe it will help you/us. In random order:

    1. It sounds (to me) that you are saying that no Siren will have the relationship she wants until she does HBR with you. No judgment there, no anger from me, just what I’m hearing. And maybe that’s exactly what you’re trying to get across.

    2. I will do HBR with you in a heartbeat when the money appears. I used your techniques to tap for this a few months ago. I would like to be able to do it NOW.

    3. This is mostly joking — Maybe you could do surrogate HBR around money for all the Sirens and then the money would start pouring in for all of us and we would all pay to do HBR with you — then we’d all have the relationships we want, you’d get paid and further your mission, and the world would be a happier place. :) That would be so cool!

    4. “There is no worthy man you can attract in a needy state.” I’m not sure I agree with this. It sounds like a limiting belief. And I know many needy women who have indeed attracted worthy men — my mother, my son’s girlfriend, my brother’s wife, and me when I was engaged in college — to name just a few.

    5. TN man somehow managed to reach that pure presence 100% peaceful non-needy place, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t use HBR.

    6. Most of the time I am not needy/clingy/fearful. I was not needy in any of my previous relationships up to and including my marriage. It has only been with TN man and WH that this feeling has arisen. They both have these strong, gentle hearts — similar to the guy I was engaged to in college — but I didn’t have any trouble “gettting” that guy. I feel curious about that — how did I attract and get a commitment from him so easily, but struggle now with these other two guys. Is it possible that the past trauma is not in my childhood, but in my marriage or other adulthood events? (from my understanding, though, the “bad” events in my adulthood would have arisen from childhood trauma anyway…? So I feel confused about the difference in my experience now compared to before.)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 2:37pm

  213. 213: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Lucy. I was feeling a really mild anger in our connection … feels more relaxed now.

    I misspoke before, you are right. Not just childhood trauma. I leave no stone unturned. I clear past life trauma, fetal trauma (my mom had panic attacks when I was in the womb, so I was already traumatized when I arrived), birth trauma, post-birth trauma (I’ve had several clients who were in incubators for the first few months of their lives — imagine what that does to formative experience around connection) …

    I clear childhood trauma, I clear all relationship trauma, I clear every single “charged” experience a person ever had, EVER.

    I clear ancestral baggage, I clear stories the person was told about themselves as a child, I clear stories the person was told about the family (“we have always been poor”) …

    It could be a limiting belief about what Jason said, it could be, but if life is a mirror … and from what I’ve seen only a truly “whole” and “healed” person can attract and keep a truly “whole” and “healed” partner.

    How does that feel to you?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 2:50pm

  214. 214: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel confused about this, I feel the message is not being heard. And I’m not sure if it’s because the power of this technology is so big that people don’t really believe it’s possible to do what I’m saying, that is solve every problem in your life and have perfect peace, or if there’s some other block in my communication.”

    Two things come to mind when I read this:

    1. I can’t imagine my friend not feeling any pain at all about her son’s sudden death — although I pray every day that God will heal her pain. It would indeed upset the fabric of society if she and her family were not upset about this. Is that where we’re going?

    2. You appear to have a problem in your life that HBR has not yet solved — that is, communicating your message the way you want to. So, it appears as a contradiction.

    I am not saying this as a criticism. I am just pointing out what I notice, in the hopes that it will help you. <3

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 2:52pm

  215. 215: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I feel intrigued by some of your other questions … thank you for sharing … I feel touched and grateful for your openness …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 2:52pm

  216. 216: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “You appear to have a problem in your life that HBR has not yet solved — that is, communicating your message the way you want to. So, it appears as a contradiction.”

    Yes, you are right.

    I am applying HBR to this right now, in this moment as we speak :) … to understand how powerful it has been for me, is not to say I don’t still have any issues to resolve … I have a block here and I will find it and clear it … but what I have to face now is about one percent of what I had … my entire life was a disaster …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 2:55pm

  217. 217: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “1. I can’t imagine my friend not feeling any pain at all about her son’s sudden death — although I pray every day that God will heal her pain. It would indeed upset the fabric of society if she and her family were not upset about this. Is that where we’re going?”

    Is this true? That it would “upset the fabric of society” …

    I have helped many people release their grief about losing a parent, a relationship, or a pet.

    Is holding on to grief helping anybody? I feel sincerely curious. Whenever people are holding on to grief, there is some reason, usually hidden, for doing so.

    I am also curious, and have given a lot of consideration, to how I might be able to help people attract the abundance to pay for coaching. I figure if I could do that, I’d be helping the entire coaching community. A good solution that also meets a bunch of other concerns I have (such as a good giving/receiving balance and the commitment level of the people I’m working with) has not yet manifested, but I’m sure it will.

    I feel worried this conversation might not be interesting to anyone else on the thread. I feel open to moving it to a private conversation if that’s the case.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:05pm

  218. 218: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Lucy you are sounding so wise/insightful/amazing!!! And good growth to Erika for hearing it. No wonder you attract quality men, Lucy – I think it is something kind of current ie your marriage break up that’s keeping you triggered, not fully healed, but you are well on your way. This convo feels amazing!

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:06pm

  219. 219: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “and from what I’ve seen only a truly “whole” and “healed” person can attract and keep a truly “whole” and “healed” partner.”

    Yes, I agree with this. I believe that we attract a partner with the same degree of wholeness and healing that we ourselves have….. vibrating at the same frequency. Thus, the men I referred to as “worthy” are not more “whole” than the needy women they are in relationship with — but they are still worthy, high quality men, and the relationships are mutually enjoyable and satisfying.

    As you pointed out earlier, WH has some limiting beliefs and areas in need of healing, but he may still be a “worthy” man. So, my imperfection/pathology may match his imperfection/pathology (or another worthy man’s).

    What do you think?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:08pm

  220. 220: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Well, Erika,…..posts crossed…..I think it’s interesting….rofl….

    You know when I asked you about help on a specific thing and you thought I was saying free help? I wasn’t I was open to paying….I just wanted thoughts on that specific thing. Anyway, we used to do a lot of stuff here in the metaphysical community on a “love offering” basis – it’s a great idea to explore..

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:08pm

  221. 221: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel intrigued by some of your other questions … thank you for sharing … I feel touched and grateful for your openness …”

    This feels good to read. Made me smile. :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:12pm

  222. 222: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Is holding on to grief helping anybody? I feel sincerely curious.”

    No, I don’t think holding onto grief helps anyone. I was referring to the immediate experience of grief and pain when a death/loss occurs — not “stuck” grief.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:17pm

  223. 223: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “A good solution that also meets a bunch of other concerns I have (such as a good giving/receiving balance and the commitment level of the people I’m working with)….”

    I agree completely with those concerns. The same issues come up in church ministry/counseling/dream work that I have done.

    I feel excited about a solution manifesting!!! :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:21pm

  224. 224: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy and Jacqueline, thank you …

    Also, please let me clarify. My standards are very high, lol, not just for me, for everyone. I want perfect happiness. I want to have EVERYTHING I have ever wanted.

    So right now, for example, I’m already making as much money coaching as most people make doing it full time, yet I also have two other substantial sources of income. So when I say there’s still a “block,” I’m talking about a BIG vision here …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:23pm

  225. 225: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I’m talking about bringing HBR to the world.

    And is death inevitable? I’m talking about death being a limiting belief that we can transcend someday …

    That’s how big this vision is.

    I think it was Shannon mentioned I teach A Course in Miracles.

    “This one mistake, in any form, has one correction. There is no loss; to think there is, is a mistake. You have no problems, though you think you have. And yet you could not think so if you saw them vanish one by one, without regard to size, complexity, or place and time, or any attribute which you perceive that makes each one seem different from the rest. Think not the limits you impose on what you see can limit God in any way.

    “The miracle of justice can correct all errors. Every problem is an error. It does injustice to the Son of God, and therefore is not true. The Holy Spirit does not evaluate injustices as great or small, or more or less. They have no properties to Him. They are mistakes from which the Son of God is suffering, but needlessly. And so He takes the thorns and nails away. He does not pause to judge whether the hurt be large or little. He makes but one judgment; that to hurt God’s Son must be unfair and therefore is not so.”

    This is how BIG the vision is …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:25pm

  226. 226: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Jacqueline, your comment feels good to read!

    “I think it is something kind of current ie your marriage break up that’s keeping you triggered”

    You know, hmmm, there were two things that WH said during our date that mildly triggered me about issues in my marriage. They were the only two moments of that long date that did not feel completely peaceful and joyful to me.

    Oh! And I just remembered that TN man had triggered those same issues in me!

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:27pm

  227. 227: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I’m talking about EVERYONE having effortless abundance, the relationship of their dreams, everything they ever wanted, and happiness that just keeps expanding in ways that were previously unimaginable …

    I am talking about world peace. I am talking about the end of every problem the world has ever seen.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:31pm

  228. 228: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “You know, hmmm, there were two things that WH said during our date that mildly triggered me about issues in my marriage. They were the only two moments of that long date that did not feel completely peaceful and joyful to me.

    Oh! And I just remembered that TN man had triggered those same issues in me!”

    Did you explore this with tapping?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:33pm

  229. 229: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    @Jacqueline, ah, I misunderstood (see that’s part of my block lol, hearing you through filters) …

    Anyone wants to work with me can simply email me and do an intro session.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:35pm

  230. 230: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Erika, I appreciate and understand the enormity of the vision. TN man says the same kinds of things — he follows this vision in his personal life and transmits it to his friends, though it is not his mission to personally bring it directly to the world as yours is — he expects that it WILL be brought to the world — but I don’t think he knows that you’re the one who’s doing it. :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:38pm

  231. 231: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Did you explore this with tapping?”

    No, I did not. I explored it with *thinking*, lol. Oops! ;)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:44pm

  232. 232: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Quote Lucy:
    6. Most of the time I am not needy/clingy/fearful. I was not needy in any of my previous relationships up to and including my marriage. It has only been with TN man and WH that this feeling has arisen. They both have these strong, gentle hearts — similar to the guy I was engaged to in college — but I didn’t have any trouble “gettting” that guy. I feel curious about that — how did I attract and get a commitment from him so easily, but struggle now with these other two guys. Is it possible that the past trauma is not in my childhood, but in my marriage or other adulthood events? (from my understanding, though, the “bad” events in my adulthood would have arisen from childhood trauma anyway…? So I feel confused about the difference in my experience now compared to before.)

    Seems like a “forest for the trees” kind of thing to me … maybe TN man and WH man have been presented to help you heal around your college fiancé? I feel curious as to whether you have done the HBR work around that guy/situation?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:52pm

  233. 233: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “No, I did not. I explored it with *thinking*, lol. Oops! ”

    LOL :)

    I just came across a couple of memories I’m going to tap.

    One is I was in a sorority in college. I had very little money at that time so I went out and got a waitressing job to solve that problem so I could pay my sorority dues. I felt compassion though for another girl in the sorority who said she couldn’t pay. I spent a lot of time getting the organization to start a financial aid program to help her. And six months later she dropped out. I was really annoyed. Beliefs formed: “people who claim not to have money are just using it as an excuse and are not really committed.”

    Also my mom, constantly saying there was no money and then squandering money on her various addictions.

    Tap, tap, tap :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 3:59pm

  234. 234: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow,
    I was sitting here wondering if Erika ever waitressed……maybe 4 hours ago, I was curious about how she paid for her college experience.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:08pm

  235. 235: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Joan. I did some HBR — okay, let’s call it Baby HBR to differentiate between the phenomenal work that Erika does with her clients and the tiny wee bit she taught me to do by myself — around the guy from college, but not in relation to TN and WH yet.

    TN man and I discussed M (college guy) quite a bit several months ago, and he thinks that the reason I broke off the engagement was that I had/have a belief — an “unconscious definition of love”– that says “I want it but can’t have it.” So, since M was pretty darn near perfect, I had to break up with him in order to not get what I want.

    Maybe that belief is still operating and preventing me from having these current guys.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:09pm

  236. 236: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lucy….oh, no you didn’t!!! rofl lmao…..too cute! I think you just need some time and space and it’s going to come together perfectly. I agree true grief must be grieved, no matter what tools you use, and I think you sound like you still have some grief – we all do/would. all the best of all the best on this! I am so loving this new writer/wit side of you!!!

    @ Joan – hi, girlfriend! Hope you’re having a great mandala Sunday day….

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:11pm

  237. 237: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I have noticed that there is soooo much space being held for this discussion — and I have wondered if Sirens are doing it intentionally and consciously — and it feels really beautiful to me — almost sacred. I feel gratitude for all of you. <3

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:12pm

  238. 238: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lol. I’m reading my pof mail and there’s a msg from a new guy that just says: “i want you. tell me how.” lol

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:19pm

  239. 239: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Joan. I did some HBR — okay, let’s call it Baby HBR to differentiate between the phenomenal work that Erika does with her clients and the tiny wee bit she taught me to do by myself — around the guy from college, but not in relation to TN and WH yet.

    TN man and I discussed M (college guy) quite a bit several months ago, and he thinks that the reason I broke off the engagement was that I had/have a belief — an “unconscious definition of love”– that says “I want it but can’t have it.” So, since M was pretty darn near perfect, I had to break up with him in order to not get what I want.

    Maybe that belief is still operating and preventing me from having these current guys.

    Lucy, what I read is you putting others on a pedestal and minimizing yourself … that you somehow can’t be/do/have anyone/anything as good as them/that.

    * * * * * * * * * *

    Hi, Jacqueline … My DSL has been sporadic again today, but I did send the email.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:35pm

  240. 240: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Baby HBR, lol, I’m enjoying experiencing humor on this site, it really makes me happy :) For so long, I was wanting to see a lighter side to being here :)

    I’m also in touch with deep sadness … it’s triggered by the college stuff … I realize it feels painful to me when people say “can’t afford,” not only because it reminds me of how powerless it felt being around parents who constantly said “can’t afford,” but also …

    because I personally had NOTHING and no training in how to make money from my parents and found ways to make money anyway, it feels inauthentic and almost … negating? I’m not sure that’s the right word. I’m searching here for authentic feeling words … lot of sadness though

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:36pm

  241. 241: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    It feels like people expect me to do all the work to help THEM … I realize that’s a story I’m telling myself.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:38pm

  242. 242: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    And I don’t even want to help my mother, because she feels like a bottomless pit of neediness, that anything given won’t really solve any core issues and it would just be depressing to try … so I’d rather wait until she’s ready and admits to needing help and commits to getting it herself so I won’t feel resentment about helping her.

    That’s a story I’m telling myself.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:42pm

  243. 243: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    “I’m also in touch with deep sadness … it’s triggered by the college stuff … I realize it feels painful to me when people say “can’t afford,” not only because it reminds me of how powerless it felt being around parents who constantly said “can’t afford,” but also …

    because I personally had NOTHING and no training in how to make money from my parents and found ways to make money anyway, it feels inauthentic and almost … negating? I’m not sure that’s the right word. I’m searching here for authentic feeling words … lot of sadness though”

    Cop out? Defeatist? Limiting ? .B.S. .? A lie? Self-hatred?

    Self destructive !! :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:43pm

  244. 244: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    ……and then I read a few more comments and this pops into my head….I hope I’m attributing the quote to the correct person……
    I realize this could feel charged to some…..

    “charity breeds a multitude of sins”-Oscar Wilde….

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:46pm

  245. 245: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, it feels like excuses and bullshit.

    But those aren’t really feeling words, lol, they are judgments …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:47pm

  246. 246: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, so then self-righteous may not quite fit either :)

    Mmmmm……hopeless? Is that a feeling? Disheartened?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:49pm

  247. 247: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Loving your honesty, Erika.

    Joan, the Baby HBR thing was simply an acknowledgment of the real difference between the two practices — both for the sake of clarity and to respect Erika’s work.

    About M…. It feels not so much like I can’t have anything “as good as that,” but more basically, I can’t have what I want.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:50pm

  248. 248: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    It would feel really good to be financially supported by a man. I’d like to have that experience for the first time in my life. It feels restful and peaceful and feminine. Vegas Guy wants to do that. I had a sugar daddy once but it never felt like a truly satisfying relationship. I choose the real happily ever after.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:51pm

  249. 249: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “It would feel really good to be financially supported by a man.”

    Wow, I feel surprised to hear that! I also feel GOOD hearing it. And happy! :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:53pm

  250. 250: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Impatient, disgusted, apathetic, angry, sad ;)

    Nettled, irked, irate, exasperated, heavy, bewildered, vexed,

    Skeptical !!!

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:54pm

  251. 251: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I enjoy being supported….it has it’s challenges-

    But …… It feels fun when my heart is super open….but it feels frustrating when I’m not communicating authentically.
    ……but I love it :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 4:57pm

  252. 252: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, I feel so deep in my feminine side now that anything that involves “work” is totally unattractive to me … I love the idea of having my needs taken care of so that all of my “work” is coming from pure inspiration …

    Big feelings of sadness about how powerless it felt being around my parents … and resistance to “going there” … which is often what prevents people from resolving their old hurts … it feels too painful to go there so it gets dissociated …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:02pm

  253. 253: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    When I’m working with a client, I have special ways of comforting the subconscious mind so it feels safe bringing the pain to the surface, so it feels safe we can handle it …

    and then the bubbles of pain come to the surface in bursts and waves of emotions and break at the surface and evaporate into light …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:05pm

  254. 254: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    Bambina ,poetic, spiritual, journalist-
    translated into feeling words; of course.

    I do feel super feminine being protected from some things and nurtured in various ways…..I feel wispy and light….softer. But very vulnerable….it tests faith….

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:13pm

  255. 255: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s also a lot of holding space……when it’s harmonious at least ;)

    -being supported. . .

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:15pm

  256. 256: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel wispy and light….softer. But very vulnerable….it tests faith….”

    Yeah, oh yeah, and that’s exactly where I want to be … cuz there is ecstasy :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:16pm

  257. 257: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Excuses and bullshit.

    Translated into my feelings:

    Annoyance, disbelief, lack of trust, skepticism, anger, frustration, unwillingness to help, resentment, feet stubbornly planted firmly in the sand just like I was about sex …

    inner voice says, “if you want my help, you are going to put skin in the game. We are in this together, or we’re not in it.”

    very similar to what I said to Vegas Guy.

    Thanks, Nikita, for helping me find those words.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:20pm

  258. 258: joanNo Gravatar says:

    About M…. It feels not so much like I can’t have anything “as good as that,” but more basically, I can’t have what I want.

    Lucy, this seems like you’re playing semantics.

    You called M “perfect”.

    You can’t have what you want.

    You can’t have “perfect” (or “as good as he”).

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:21pm

  259. 259: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Feels like anger and fear of giving into a big black hole that never gives back …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:21pm

  260. 260: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Skin in the game??? Is that some “west coast sh*t :) that feels very gangsta to me for some reason. lol!

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:25pm

  261. 261: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    lol, it’s kinda what my masculine side did in the relationship with VG. it’s like my masculine side is the father I never had, the one that screens the guys like crazy to see if they are “good enough” … and then when the test is passed, my feminine side takes over again.

    Lol, that felt good to say in words :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:26pm

  262. 262: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel discouraged
    I feel jealous of Erika’s enormous presence on this thread because I honestly feel ignored when she comes around. I call it the Erika Show. She is very intriguing to the Sirens here. This is my issue and not her fault.

    My contribution to this thread is not going to be very intriguing. I just need to say outside of myself and my loopy head that I am feeling rundown, I feel incapable and inadequate and afraid to coordinate a nationwide campaign in less than a month which I will start doing tomorrow.

    I cried a lot today. I even purposely hit my head on the wall. Then I stood there quietly screaming instead of nearly hurting myself.

    I feel afraid because there is a lot of talk about the drug cartels moving into my state to push back against legal marijuana businesses, and two related murders, one of which was only 2 degrees from me.

    and me? i am a director at the campaign working to get marijuana fully legalized and sold like alcohol. I proposed a ballot initiative this year that we didn’t go through with because the funding wasn’t there, but my name and address are public information as a result of that. Like one big, fat, juicy, easy target.

    I thought I was a revolutionary.

    Now I just feel stupid and afraid.

    I tell myself that an assassination is extremely unlikely, lol.

    i don’t think anyone will take this seriously because it sounds like out of a movie but i feel afraid, i feel helpless, i feel tiny and alone, and i have no one to talk to about it because i have to be strong as a leader.

    i feel nauseous

    i feel trapped.

    i don’t want to give up because some murderous assholes are “sending a message.”

    I got your message right here, cartels *holds up middle finger*

    that is all.

    i feel embarrassed and unworthy having shared all that.

    i wish my period would come already so I could feel all this stuckness drain out of me

    speaking of which, time to take a freaking pregnancy test.

    yeah i’m feeling like a big psycho. like the whole world can see i am a big psycho

    judging myself
    blah
    hugging myself

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:30pm

  263. 263: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    On being financially supported;
    Limiting belief/doctrine #1.” Never depend on a man.”

    This is what I grew up with in my belief system,…..and what’s the subtext? It feels like fear and distrust….and a lot of controlling energy around it. So much crap ended up growing out of that belief…………so allowing myself to be supported in anyway is HUGE for me :) I feel so much happier receiving and feminine :) it took me years to get to this place and my life feels much richer. . . . .even though now I do my own nails instead of going to the salon! The quality of life I have is worth letting go of certain instant gratification independent woman luxuries

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:32pm

  264. 264: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    …..for now. Of course being supported doesn’t mean giving up the nail salon but…..I feel just as sexy and desirable now as I did then….almost more so now. I feel more peaceful. More desired. Safer.

    It’s not all roses but maybe it could be ;)
    The best is seeing a man be ALL man in the traditional sense….I appreciate it so much more now that I’m not wrapped up -but I know what it’s like to be a provider to a degree and I don’t envy men for that; I just appreciate all that they do….. Gee, I feel so girly -

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:38pm

  265. 265: siaNo Gravatar says:

    hello erika,

    i posted on comment before, so I am reposting in case you missed it, because you are asking for feedback on how to communicate the HBR:

    I would like to give my take on validating yourself tru mentioning money you earn etc.: for me the biggest validation is when someone speaks moderately and matter of factly of their achievements and beliefs. That piques my curiosity. On the other hand I understand you want to help. I personally made one of my friends reluctant to visit this site and read about Rori´s philosophy, because I couldn´t stop myself from shoving it down her throat.

    and adding:
    i sometimes felt like your advice is ´too quick´. I have this from Bob Grant and I am using the approach: he says as a counsellor he didn´t manage to make clients follow his advice, if he gave it immediately. He knew what the problem was after few minutes, but in the end just realized he has to listen to all the details and look like he is thinking it over, otherwise people didn´t trust him that he knows what he is doing. Sort of like make everybody feel their problems are unique, even if they are not.
    I like it when people just say hmmmm…and don´t start talking immediately as I finished describing my problems. Or when I can see they are excited..just when they do not come from a position of immediate unshakeable authority, like a computer would do.

    You wouldn´t care to comment on why you deleted posts of mercedes from your blog? I feel torn about that..

    And coaching: can you help also people who are not likeable to you? Can this be a hindrance?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 5:48pm

  266. 266: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Sia, thank you … would you be willing to clarify what you mean by “not likeable to me”?

    Also, do I hear that you are uncomfortable with the talk about money? I’m well aware that is a trigger for many people, that’s actually part of why I talk about it openly. I’m curious to hear more specifically though what you mean …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:06pm

  267. 267: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    Your post felt very authentic to me. I feel torn, part of me wanting to respond to what I hear as a request to be heard and to receive empathy … and part of me wondering if me responding is going to be triggering and feel like more of the “Erika Show” ….

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:07pm

  268. 268: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    erika, there is an easy way out of your torn-ness. It’s me saying, please go ahead and respond.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:12pm

  269. 269: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Joan, calling him “near perfect” was just my way of saying there was no good reason for me to break up with him. I feel a little frustrated here.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:12pm

  270. 270: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Dorothea. I have been feeling afraid too.

    “but i feel afraid, i feel helpless, i feel tiny and alone, and i have no one to talk to about it because i have to be strong as a leader”

    That’s exactly how I have been feeling . . . substituting “mother” for “leader.”

    I feel glad I can talk about it on here, though. I feel hopeful that you will feel welcome to talk about it on here, too. <3

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:20pm

  271. 271: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I think being a decent mother is a lot harder than my job or any of the risks associated with it.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:21pm

  272. 272: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel stuck
    i’m sitting here pressing refresh over and over.
    this feels unproductive
    i was gearing up to work on some stuff for my 2nd job but the file is missing some data so I cannot accurately draw conclusions. this after me giving LI sh*t for taking up my day when i had work to do. and i can’t even work after all that ruckus.

    i should get up and do my dishes but i feel stuck.

    ok i am going to go wash 3 dishes and see how i feel.
    see yall soon

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:40pm

  273. 273: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    Lol, I am enjoying what I am hearing as your sense of humor …

    “I feel discouraged
    I feel jealous of Erika’s enormous presence on this thread because I honestly feel ignored when she comes around. I call it the Erika Show. She is very intriguing to the Sirens here. This is my issue and not her fault.”

    I appreciate you not blaming this on me. That feels good. I feel open to hear how you feel, and the “Erika Show” made me smile. I feel like saying, “it’s an open party, and you’re invited. We want to play with you.”

    “My contribution to this thread is not going to be very intriguing. I just need to say outside of myself and my loopy head that I am feeling rundown, I feel incapable and inadequate and afraid to coordinate a nationwide campaign in less than a month which I will start doing tomorrow.”

    I hear that things feel overwhelming right now. I also hear a lot of limiting beliefs about your abilities, at the same time that I hear YOU are coordinating a nationwide campaign, which makes me feel like jumping up and shouting, “do you see how brilliant and beautiful you are? YOU are coordinating a nationwide campaign.” :)

    “I cried a lot today. I even purposely hit my head on the wall. Then I stood there quietly screaming instead of nearly hurting myself.”

    I hear sadness here. I feel a sense of powerlessness in your words. I hear a desire to punish yourself. I hear echoes of the past.

    “I feel afraid because there is a lot of talk about the drug cartels moving into my state to push back against legal marijuana businesses, and two related murders, one of which was only 2 degrees from me.

    and me? i am a director at the campaign working to get marijuana fully legalized and sold like alcohol. I proposed a ballot initiative this year that we didn’t go through with because the funding wasn’t there, but my name and address are public information as a result of that. Like one big, fat, juicy, easy target.”

    I hear you being terrified. I hear you feeling vulnerable. I hear you feeling exposed. I hear you possibly wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into, and second guessing yourself, and wondering if you’ll be safe.

    “I thought I was a revolutionary.

    Now I just feel stupid and afraid.”

    I hear your passion and believing in what you are doing and yet second guessing it because of the fear. I hear strength under this.

    “I tell myself that an assassination is extremely unlikely, lol.”

    I hear an almost sickness feeling of dread and fear i these words. I hear a prayer almost, for safety.

    “i don’t think anyone will take this seriously because it sounds like out of a movie but i feel afraid, i feel helpless, i feel tiny and alone, and i have no one to talk to about it because i have to be strong as a leader.”

    I hear you feeling helpless. I hear a belief that it’s not possible to be honest about your vulnerabilities with people whom you are leading. I hear loneliness. I hear vulnerability. I hear disbelief. I hear bewilderment. I hear questions. I hear a plea for support.

    “i feel nauseous

    i feel trapped.”

    I hear a need for safety and ease and support.

    “i don’t want to give up because some murderous assholes are “sending a message.”

    I got your message right here, cartels *holds up middle finger*

    that is all.”

    I hear anger. I hear indignation. I hear determination. I hear fierce passion. I hear a need for justice.

    “i feel embarrassed and unworthy having shared all that.”

    I feel surprised hearing this, yet it feels authentic. I feel appreciative of your honesty. I hear beliefs about yourself that feel painful and are not true.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:45pm

  274. 274: siaNo Gravatar says:

    By not likeable I mean ´not attractive´ as a human being. ´Not sympatico´. I have always wondered about this, in relation to therapists, (but this is an extreme example] – how can it feel to work with paedophile sadists, if the goal is to help them, you know? But spiteful hateful people which are not criminals must be difficult as well.

    As for money – depends on tone and context. I think my money situation could be better, but I dont think about it. When I say I cannot afford something, it is like saying I am not tall enough (to reach that awning).
    But I am uncomfortable with it being mentioned in a certain tone. It is like being told by a guy out of blue that he is good in bed. Or that he was best in his class.
    Lot of people who are not falsely modest and great at something just say eg Yes, I am okay at poker. The story I tell myself is: wow , they dont even think about themselves as being good at something as if it were something special, it is a norm for them!
    Somehow it also makes it much easier to show my shortcomings in the given realm, because if they are not flashy in their selfjudgement, they will not be strong in negative judgement in relation to me.. I dance and it is easiest (as in good feeling in the body and hence less mistakes) to be lead by guys who are not just good but not ambitious anymore, not out to prove something to themselves or me.
    Very dificult to explain, I am tired and have to go o sleep. But I am interested in your answer, and will come back to read, I hope you post. bye erika!

    And sorry to other Sirens, if this topic doesn’ t interest you.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:49pm

  275. 275: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, I feel empathic pain in both of my shoulders, as in “shouldering too much responsibility, really need support.”

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:50pm

  276. 276: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    I feel panicky
    I feel tight in my stomach
    I feel nervous
    I feel like this guy isnt’ real…he’s lying somehow
    I feel hypervigiliant.
    I feel like “what’s your definition of alpha male? Cause yours and mine might not line up pal.
    I feel like….whoa..I don’t meet random dudes after one email convo
    Does being an alpha male mean you think yer the boss of me?
    And now I feel like a douche bag
    some random nice guy emailed me…
    and I think
    Ewww
    gak\
    sigh
    I’m so tired.
    This is crap
    I SHOULD be all excited about nice guys emailing me..I’ve been bitching about no action long enough haven’t I?
    I should be jumping at it
    I don’t wanna
    He looks like a project
    I don’t want a project
    I *HAD* a project…it took me 6 years and Canada now had one less basement dweller.
    I don’t have the energy for another project man
    Booooo

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:57pm

  277. 277: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i washed 7 dishes, hehe. i’ll go back for the rest soon.

    erika, i feel totally heard. in a super thorough way.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:58pm

  278. 278: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow. I love what you ladies (and gentlemen) have done to the place. Everything feels so spacious and open. The vibe feels super good… warm and comfy and safe. Love!

    I don’t want to spend too much time on the blog tonight. My plans include reading my book and letting my mind float into the story.

    But really quickly…

    Dorothea: This is my pastor’s website. (Don’t judge yet please. :-) ) I’m sending it to you because the man is a leadership genius. Some of it might feel helpful. Just skip all the minister/church references and insert “national campaign leader” or whatever feels good. I don’t want you to feel afraid. Some causes are worth discomfort. Just remembering that Erika mentioned Rosa Parks not too long ago…

    http://www.perrynoble.com/category/leadership

    Blessings and love, Shannon

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 6:58pm

  279. 279: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    shannon, thank you. that is so helpful! really really

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:01pm

  280. 280: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Shannon. I’m feeling curious about what book you’re reading.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:02pm

  281. 281: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita,

    “.even though now I do my own nails instead of going to the salon! The quality of life I have is worth letting go of certain instant gratification independent woman luxuries”

    Am I hearing an either/or limiting belief, that I can either have my femininity or get manicures at the salon, but not both?

    I ask because a fundamental intention of HBR is to get rid of the idea of sacrifice altogether, and turn either/ors into both/ands … even if I’m supported by a man, I still want to get manicures at the salon :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:19pm

  282. 282: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I kinda feel like Rosa Parks is the epitome of the power of feminine energy.

    Part of me felt Rosa Parks energy when I put my feet solid into the ground about no sex without commitment.

    The hailstorm came for weeks, and then when I just kept standing my ground, he shifted completely.

    I feel very pleased with myself :) LOL :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:23pm

  283. 283: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa Parks said NO to what she didn’t want … and she changed a nation …

    We can change the world …

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:30pm

  284. 284: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Joan, calling him “near perfect” was just my way of saying there was no good reason for me to break up with him. I feel a little frustrated here.

    Lucy, I feel frustrated, too. M wasn’t perfect; he wasn’t even “near perfect”, and neither are TN man and WH. There was some “good reason” you broke up with M even if you weren’t aware of it consciously. That is why I think that TN and WH have made their way into your life – to help you find it and finally let it go.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:43pm

  285. 285: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika ;)

    No, I could get my nails done. That’s what my reference to challenges is about; communicating authentically and making requests. I have an open hair appointment at the moment so my mind is on salons :) Getting that was quite the fun dance! But I’ve yet to……it’s raining, Etc.
    Sigh; I’ll confess I got diamond earrings recently and maybe I have “limits” on how much/how often…. But the nail thing doesn’t feel as important to me these days…..I was once the girl that became despondent after two-three weeks without a manicure. . But I worked really hard then and NEEDED that kind of pampering constantly because I was so angry about work.
    If there’s something limited here it would be about asking/receiving/prioritizing. Asking-

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:47pm

  286. 286: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a little sad writing that while Dorothea seems to be dealing with much weightier and urgent things :(

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:49pm

  287. 287: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, this will be a factor in my life so long as i do the work i do. there is no urgency. write on.

    i have a nail salon addiction and I recently gave up the manicure side of things…but i’m still into pedicures and pretty flowers on my toes with sparkles and i will NEVER give it up. I let LI know about this and he laughed and said he was comfortable with this and would shoulder my salon addiction when we’re married if it makes me happy.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 7:52pm

  288. 288: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Thx Dorothea,

    Pedicures seem way more important. I could use a foot rub. The lady I love is two hours from me:(

    She is wonderful. How do I express in feeling messages that I need a pedicure? Isn’t that asking? There’s something going on ;)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:04pm

  289. 289: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I think it’s okay to ask for something. But it feels freakin weird. i have never really asked my LI for anything but when he gets a better job I will be asking for waxing appointments “down there.” It feels a little easier to ask him for that because he benefits directly from it;)

    ‘I feel sad and torn…it makes me feel so good to have my feet all pretty and professionally decorated but i don’t feel justified spending that kind of money on myself.”

    maybe just throw that out there and see if he offers.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:07pm

  290. 290: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmmm, I’m hearing some limiting beliefs about money that may be making it more challenging to ask for something …

    I’m imagining this … and feeling that I’d feel imprisoned if I felt I couldn’t ask … it’d be like returning to my god-awful stifling childhood. I refuse to do that.

    There must a better feeling option here… I’m going to percolate with this a bit.

    I told VG that I will keep my coaching practice no matter what, because it lights me up inside and my passion is my radiance …

    I definitely do not like the idea of asking permission to spend money … that feels very stifling to me.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:11pm

  291. 291: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel there are limits-I’m not married to my LI. But if I was the salon thing would be a given for me :) but I’m not, so a little confused. But i feel wonderful about the progress I’m making these days with my comfort zone……all things considered. Ok, I am Trying to watch a movie so I am putting the gadget down :) for now

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:12pm

  292. 292: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Btw-I have moods where I can ask…….and then moods where I feel too prideful :)

    Since you’re percolating; I like my coffee strong, bold, no sugar. Lol! Jk ;)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:17pm

  293. 293: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, I’m glad someone is going to “shoulder” something for you … may many more shoulders appear for your work life too, a whole army of men shouldering all the weight ;)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:17pm

  294. 294: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    my ex gave me diamonds, and he also once gave me money for a manicure and looking back i can see i felt undeserving or blocked on this issue because i called up my girl and treated HER to a manicure alongside me.

    he made 6 figures and money was a constant issue. he basically looked down on me for coming from a poor upbringing.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:18pm

  295. 295: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    yes yes i love my manly volunteers, even the gay ones, their masculine energy is so no-nonsense and to the point, and it feels easy to work with.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:19pm

  296. 296: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Czech Girl and I are considering to go to a yoga retreat in Bali in November. She sent me the website, and it looks heavenly. A week of yoga and being pampered sounds like a dream come true right now :)

    Now see if I were married already, I simply would not be okay with not being able to go to something like this if I felt called to go to it …

    Ask and you will receive. I’m simply determined to remove every limiting belief from my mind, so that I can ask at any time for anything … and the answer is always YES. :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:24pm

  297. 297: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    my LI emailed me a poem he wrote while hanging out with me yesterday at a work-related event. it is so lovely and sincere. it makes me want to be the girl he’s writing about in his poem. and then i’m like oh that’s right…he wrote that about me! hehe

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:34pm

  298. 298: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    WH was a stay-at-home dad for 3 yrs while his wife worked. Does that make him a non-masculine energy man?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:47pm

  299. 299: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I like that, Erika. I want the answer to always be yes, too.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 8:49pm

  300. 300: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    I just saw this ACIM quote and it felt very synchronistic:

    “God is not mocked; no more His [Daughter] can be imprisoned save by [her] own desire.”

    I saw another quote too and it made me realize I have to quit my job.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 9:02pm

  301. 301: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    ‎”There can be no case against a child of God, and every witness to guilt in God’s creations is bearing false witness to God Himself.” – ACIM

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 9:05pm

  302. 302: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I have a fun game we could play on one of these threads, if anyone else wants to join me. I’m going to call it “Reframing Silence”

    I’ve been practicing this game lately around silences with a man, because it seems so often a negative interpretation is put on “not hearing from a man,” but what if there’s a better way …

    So I’m doing the “what if” game …

    What if silence means he loves me and he doesn’t need to say it?

    What if silence means he’s planning a romantic surprise for us and building suspense?

    What if silence means he’s busy working hard on something that is for both of us?

    What if silence means that God wants me to get more present instead of worrying about a man?

    What if silence means there’s going to be some delicious plot twist that makes an already amazing situation even MORE amazing?

    :)

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 9:57pm

  303. 303: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Guilt….blech!!! :/

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 9:57pm

  304. 304: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea….not to worry, it’s NOT the Erika show, it’s just a slow Sunday….lol….

    I feel for you, my best friend hits her head on the wall and stuff, I can’t imagine it, I’d just yell and kick someone else if I felt like that.

    You can do this, you may be tired and discouraged right now, this minute, but that doesn’t mean you’ll stay that way…..the universe and hopefully some more sirens will prop you up.

    I feel distressed when sirens post stuff like they’ve been in jail, or are hitting their heads against a wall and we all don’t respond with compassion. I feel humiliated for us as a group, and when a call for help like that goes out, I want it to be heard and held sacred here.

    So Dorothea I HEAR you……and I will hold the space where I KNOW you will make miracles happen.

    To paraphrase Marianne Williamson….it’s not our playing small that scares us but when we feel/see/sense how truly POWERFUL we are, and answer that call….that’s when we change the world.

    And even if you don’t change the world, you will have changed you….and that is what life is for, yes?

    Sending you waves of peace and big sighs of relaxation…..

    You know Rori’s tool of just letting the air feel on your skin? try that….try being the cat…and I always get my toes done!!! It’s the best…and glad to see you lightened up a bit towards the end….

    What do you think? and please keep us updated on the work – too cool!

    Take care all, night,
    Jacqueline

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:01pm

  305. 305: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, yeah, I guess I feel a little guilt too …

    I essentially spent my Sunday vision boarding on Rori’s blog … feeling bashful

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:05pm

  306. 306: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    What if….silence….is love/truth just percolating? The heart’s alchemy?

    What if silence is just contrast for me to get clearer on our desires.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:06pm

  307. 307: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “What if….silence….is love/truth just percolating?”

    oooooh, I like this, Nikita …

    what if silence is the space God needs to rearrange the puzzle pieces so all my dreams come true?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:08pm

  308. 308: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    What if silence is the space you need………..?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:10pm

  309. 309: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I like it ….

    what if silence is the space I need to resolve any remaining fears or doubts and know for certain whether he is the man for me?

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:12pm

  310. 310: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Huh…vision boarding on a blog seems like a good way to harness some collective energy…..almost like the AMAZING compounding penny….. But not quite ;)

    I feel almost driven to boycott guilt.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:12pm

  311. 311: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I am watching wormholes on the science channel….they also covered black holes :)
    ….creating shortcuts across time and space ……yes!

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:30pm

  312. 312: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Cool, I like time/space travel :)

    I’m getting present with a truckload of guilt that just got triggered by … not sure what … feels like searing hot spikes in my solar plexus … blech is right

    Good night, Sirens.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:34pm

  313. 313: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Oops, not the science channel the discovery channel.

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:35pm

  314. 314: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Nite

    Sunday, 22 August 2010 @ 10:37pm

  315. 315: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad and deflated.
    I feel annoyed.
    Why do I always feel annoyed at my feelings?
    Thats stupid.
    It’s not good self mothering
    Judo man is not coming to my cheesecake soiree. It’s his sister’s birthday ….I said I felt dissapointed but also respectful of the brother sister thing
    which is because my brother called me on sat and told me he’s a dumbass
    he went shopping for a birthday present for me and ended up buying himself a super cool zombie defence league tshirt but didn’t get one for me. For which he feels like a dumbass.
    Of course I laughed and said I loved him
    I feel differently
    I am annoyed at me for not being more honest with my brother.
    Why do I do this
    This is first day Rori stuff.
    Be honest with your feelings.
    No wonder I’m sucking at dating
    I’m on the Rori short bus.
    I’ve got a sign pinned to my shirt that says “If found to be emotionally dishonest, return to siren Island immediatly”
    Do we have a special needs class here on the island?
    Frig.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:10am

  316. 316: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    I feel jealous of Judo man’s sister.
    HER brother cancells plans to make sure he shows up for her birthday…he brings gifts.
    Good gifts..he’s giving her pot and cash. She has chrone’s…so he went out and got a licence to sell pot legally so he could help look after his sister.
    MY brother buys himself a tshirt and calls me to tell me about it.
    I feel sinking in my belly
    I feel small and sad
    I feel pouty
    I feel annoyed.
    I feel annoyed at my annoyance.
    Hey it’s OK to feel sad cause my brother is a dumbass
    it’s normal..right?
    I have a hormonal imbalance…maybe I’ll go back to bowen…I’ve had 3 periods in 6 weeks…BOOOOO

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:16am

  317. 317: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Where did you come from?
    Nasty little feeling?
    Where did you start you little “I get the short stick” feeling?
    I see you there in the corner of my mind.
    You have to leave now.
    Yer friggin with my vibe.
    My LOA is ALLLLLL frigged up cause of you.
    I don’t want my LOA alll frigged up.
    You!
    Get out!!!!!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:28am

  318. 318: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi jennifer!
    sounds like you’ve had a rough night…
    really getting down on yourself…

    can’t tell whether you just want to vent but if you want to talk, i’m here for about 20 min..

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:43am

  319. 319: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    @jacqueline

    didn’t know what a koan was, looked it up on wiki….

    Yes! that’s how it feels!”
    “fundamental part of the history and lore of Zen Buddhism. It consists of a story, dialogue, question, or statement, the meaning of which cannot be understood by rational thinking but may be accessible through intuition.”
    and
    “…in the beginning a monk first thinks a kōan is an inert object upon which to focus attention; after a long period of consecutive repetition, one realizes that the kōan is also a dynamic activity, the very activity of seeking an answer to the kōan. The kōan is both the object being sought and the relentless seeking itself. In a kōan, the self sees the self not directly but under the guise of the kōan… When one realizes (“makes real”) this identity, then two hands have become one. The practitioner becomes the kōan that he or she is trying to understand. That is the sound of one hand.” — G. Victor Sogen Hori, Translating the Zen Phrase Book[10]”
    and
    “In the Wumenguan (Mumonkan), public case #1 (“Zhaozhou’s Dog”), Wumen (Mumon) wrote “…concentrate yourself into this ‘Wú’… making your whole body one great inquiry. Day and night work intently at it. Do not attempt nihilistic or dualistic interpretations.”[3] Arousing this great inquiry or “Great Doubt” is an essential element of kōan practice.”

    so even though i’ve tried off and on for years to understand what Zen is, i think i finally got a good glimpse here
    thank you so much for this information….
    you just added a further dimension to what im already experiencing.

    love, janjune

    p.s.
    lso:
    “Dōgen Zenji wrote of Genjokōan, which points out that everyday life experience is the fundamental kōan. Hakuin Ekaku recommended preparing for kōan practice by concentrating on qi breathing and its effect on the body’s center of gravity, called the dantian or “hara” in Japanese — thereby associating kōan practice with pre-existing Taoist and Yogic chakra meditative practices.[citation needed]”

    jacqueline, have you found these to be helpful? if so, would you mind sharing which one in particular you like?
    thanks again for the connection… i feel very very heard and sincerely “felt” in this by you.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:30am

  320. 320: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Just popping on for a minute as my work day begins. I’ve loved reading these posts. We all seem to be on the cusp of huge shifts in our lives.

    Jennifer: How would it feel to say “thank you brother for showing me something I needed to see in order to heal”? That’s a pretty good present even if it came wrapped in not so pretty paper. I’m praying things shift for you. You really are amazing in a thousand-million ways. And yes you are normal. (((HUGS))) Vacation in t-minus four days, yes?

    Nikita: Reframe on #290. YES I could get my nails done but I’m choosing to do something else. How does that feel? Don’t know why but the “no” jumped out at me.

    Lucy: Mountaintop by Robert Whitlow. Praying for you.

    Erika: Still holding space and appreciating you. I keep wanting to put you on a pedestal and to give back to you (aka don’t give too much, hope you don’t start resenting what you’re giving.) Hello limiting belief. I’m choosing to trust that you’ll let us know if/when you need to pull back. I feel uncomfortable about that. Sitting with it. Resisting the urge to make you feel “better”. Interesting. And very uncomfortable.

    Ok, must run off to work. Sending blessings and love, Shannon

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:40am

  321. 321: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    “I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.”

    – Harry Emerson Fosdick

    Anne Rice mentioned a quote in her video at iamsecond.com. She quotes a character in a drama saying “The world was made when I was born”. I love that. Isn’t that how we all see it?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:44am

  322. 322: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I leaned forward this morning. I bought an extra coffee and a cinammon roll at my spot this morning and surprised my LI with it. He catches the bus to work right underneath my office window.

    This is the first time I’ve ever done anything like that for him, and I don’t feel weird about it at all.

    I resisted the consistent urge to do this sort of thing in the past, because Rori is wise and she advises against it, ESPECIALLY if you are doing it to keep the boat rowing, or are attached to the outcome in any way. I always felt like deep down I was doing it to make him like me more, so I never went through with such a gesture.

    But this morning it just felt like a nice, natural thing to do out of the blue. I am so grateful and relieved that I am in touch with my real feelings and motives, and I am very practiced at this point, that I no longer have to abstain from being generous to a man I care about as a hard and fast rule. I just need to check in with myself and ask myself “why do I feel compelled to lean forward right now?” And if the reason has to do with a fear or my own self esteem, then I don’t lean forward.

    Otherwise, I’m a rockstar, baby:)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:04am

  323. 323: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: “I am so grateful and relieved that I am in touch with my real feelings and motives, and I am very practiced at this point, that I no longer have to abstain from being generous to a man I care about as a hard and fast rule. I just need to check in with myself and ask myself “why do I feel compelled to lean forward right now?” And if the reason has to do with a fear or my own self esteem, then I don’t lean forward.”

    I love this. I too lean forward sometimes…and sometimes it feels really, really good to do that…and sometimes not so much. I agree…if we check in with ourselves first and find out what our motives are then it is soooo much more comfortable to make a decision about just how much we want to give. I think this applies to love, work, friendships, etc. You made me smile because you put into words what I think so much of the time.

    Thank you!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:16am

  324. 324: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    As I read about the cinnamon bun :) I felt immense appreciation for Rori’s;
    Have the Relationship you didn’t know you wanted with yourself :) and bloom all over …..as you get more intimate/learn to be more intimate with yourselves….

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:18am

  325. 325: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Shannon,

    Thx, that is true…….I have been doing other things instead of my nails. It doesn’t feel as important to me. . .like starbucks :) everyday! Which is weird, I used to avoid starbucks and get “cheap” coffee on my way to the salon :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:27am

  326. 326: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “Joan, the Baby HBR thing was simply an acknowledgment of the real difference between the two practices — both for the sake of clarity and to respect Erika’s work.”

    Lucy, thank you — when I read this, I felt very respected and seen. I really appreciate it.

    “Erika: Still holding space and appreciating you. I keep wanting to put you on a pedestal and to give back to you (aka don’t give too much, hope you don’t start resenting what you’re giving.) Hello limiting belief. I’m choosing to trust that you’ll let us know if/when you need to pull back. I feel uncomfortable about that. Sitting with it. Resisting the urge to make you feel “better”. Interesting. And very uncomfortable.”

    Shannon, I really appreciated your authenticity here. It’s my responsibility to stay present enough to notice if I have resentment or exhaustion cropping up, and to set my own boundaries. Living that way is with the intention of others feeling guilt-free around me because I have not made them responsible for my feelings. This is one of many things I learned from Non-Violent Communication.

    I’m still not sure why I keep feeling drawn back here, and I’m willing to follow that intuition and see what it wants to tell me. I do feel an intuition that I would really like to be collaborating with Rori and other coaches because I see HBR as a complement to their methods. It’s not a replacement for Rori’s teachings. It’s a way to integrate what she’s teaching more quickly.

    Femininity is really a VIBE. It’s not so much what you do or say. And that vibe needs to feel congruent to attract the most masculine, strong men. HBR is fantastic for integrating new knowledge and a crystal clear vibe in an organic way that feels seamless to other people.

    Example: Non-violent communication is a fantastic tool for life. Yet I went to practice groups for OVER A YEAR and I still felt clumsy in my use of it after all that time and energy spent. I still felt like I wasn’t really using it in a way to get the deep connection I wanted with other people. Suddenly I got the idea to use HBR to integrate the NVC knowledge. Bingo. My NVC fluency skyrocketed almost overnight, and I suddenly “got it.”

    With this feminine vibe stuff, what I’ve found is that it becomes so much easier when it’s really integrated into my vibe. For example, there’s no question anymore EVER in my mind about asking a guy out. I simply no longer ever would want to do that. It feels exhausting. It feels like doing all the work for him. It feels unfeminine. And since I don’t feel like it, I don’t have to go round and round in my head anymore … I’m now in touch enough with the feminine vibe to “just say no” to men who won’t step up … deep down, I know I only want to marry a VERY masculine man … so I simply eliminate the guys who don’t step up from contention.

    This once was difficult. Now it’s easy. I believe HBR is what made it easy to integrate the core of what Rori is teaching.

    So to me, it would be super fun to do collaborations, such as feminine energy teleclasses, with part teaching of Rori’s principles, and part HBR integration of those principles. Now I really am vision boarding out loud … I never know what I’m going to write before the words actually come out, lol … and of course I have no idea whether this is something that would be interesting to Rori.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:29am

  327. 327: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking of nails, my girl and I are going to get pedicures in a few minutes :D Monday lunch break pedicures.

    My boss informs me that he is not only going to be MIA most the week from the office, but that he also will be loaning me his car for about a week while he’s out of town to make my life easier since I am working 2 jobs and going to a GRE prep class in BFE (butt f*ckin egypt) and don’t own a car.

    So I am feeling much more relaxed compared to last night.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:36am

  328. 328: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Omg! I’m just catching up on the posts and kind of freaking out as I read Dorothea and Erika’s exhange because I woke up with this crazy intense shoulder pain. We had a long band practice last night and now my shoulder hurts soooo bad. If I try to move my left arm at alll, I get this searing pain shooting through my arm.

    Ummmm WTF?

    I feel very curious and slightly tripped out by the synchronicity.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:09am

  329. 329: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: I love the what if game! I play it with myself too.

    Your reframes about silence feel good and entirely possible.

    Btw, last night after practice I went to a party with LI and the guy I’ve been talking about that I feel an attraction for. That’s tripping me out too now. We’re all buds and hanging out. It feels a little weird but also cool like I’m having my cake and eating it too…sort of.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:18am

  330. 330: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    My shoulder still hurts. Intense searing pain. Ahhhhh ouch!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:19am

  331. 331: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – Are you going to see a chiropractor.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:32am

  332. 332: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: no, I hadn’t even thought about going to a chiropractor. It feels like muscle pain. I was playing drums long and hard last night.

    I also feel curious if it has something to do with shouldering to much responsibility. I can’t see where it applies directly to the band but I can see it in other areas of my life.

    In fact, LI and I got in an argument yesterday because we were leaving and he was locking to door to my house and there was a problem with the key and I got really triggered. The way he said there was a problem felt very blamey and I got pissed…like why do I have to handle this? You’re the man, can’t you take care of it. I never have problems with the key. And it reminded me of a similar situation I had with an ex when the shower was overflowing and we got in the worst fight ever that night and I threw a plate at him (this was a long time ago…I feel embarassed).

    The argument yesterday didn’t really escalate to much. We got over it and had a great day together.

    But…to answer your question…hadn’t considered a chiropractor as it feels like a torn muscle and I don’t know if they could help that. Do feel curious about carrying too mug weight on my shoulders.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:51am

  333. 333: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, all!

    @ Dorothea – did you see my post, where did all the fear go? You sound like a different person – just interested if it’s transformation or you’re just ignoring the other???

    @janjune….a koan to me is a question with literally no answer – the western version of it I heard when I was in grade school – if a tree falls in a forest, and no one is there to hear it, is there a sound. I thought that felt tricky! as obviously there are sound waves, no matter what – anyway that’s what I said in fifth grade. grin…what is the sound of one hand clapping is probably the most eastern koan I know of – I love the quotes you’ve found.

    The making you life one big inquiry WITHOUT going into dualism is the one that resonates most with me, but it’s kind of far from what people talk about koans as. Have you ever looked up dualism and/or the tao, or dao? Esp. dualism….it’s kind of what the human mind DOES whether we like it or not, we are remarkably similar to computers – we function by comparison and contrast – I like this I don’t like that, this is different from that because….

    and we’re unaware of it for the most part. Enlightenment is usually said to be when we do become aware of it and transcend it, to a all is one place.

    If you wanna talk more email me at houstonrelationshipsurvey@yahoo.com, I don’t wanna go on and on about abstract stuff when this is mostly for peoples concrete stories here.

    I’ll give you a hug….no abstraction at all!!! And five fabulous stars for wrapping your mind around such zenness!!!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:55am

  334. 334: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ LG….wow, I ummmm think we’re going for empathy here, that means you don’t really have to shoulder us! lol and I hope you’re better quick – guitar playing arm???

    @ Brenda – Hello I thought of some other darling word for you….but dang it….what was it? Cuter than cheeky but do you like cheeky??!!!1

    xoxo

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:57am

  335. 335: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    LG – shoulder blade pain or top of the shoulder – I’d bet it’s about 1/2 way down your shoulder, the rotator cuff? Anyway, ice is a miracle worker…ice pack no more than 20 minutes, if you use heat it pulls blood into the muscle and relaxes it, but ice makes it “go back into place” pretty much. I hope you try it it really is the most amazing and overlooked treatment out there.

    Take care,
    J

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:18am

  336. 336: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jaqueline:

    Drums! Not guitar :-)

    it’s the muscle right at the top of my arm…whatever the muscle is right above the bicep.

    I’m at the store right now to buy some apple cider vinegar to soak in a bath with. Tried arnica cream. Helped for a sex but not really. Will try the ice.

    Intense pain! Can’t lift my arm over my head. LI had to take my shirt off for me and my bra too. He didn’t seem to mind that job. :-) and then he tried to help me but my hair in a ponytail but some things are a girls job.

    Can’t wait to soak in the tub and meditate on letting the pain melt away.

    I have practice again tonight. I feel worried about showing up and not being able to play fully. I feel worried about letting the band down.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:48am

  337. 337: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    LG – hey, ice is a miracle but I’d put it in a sling and drum one armed if I were you and it’s not sig. better by tonite! – you tear a ligament and it’ll take weeks to heal or not heal at all….I understand your fear for your “team/band,” tho…

    btw< arnica helps for SEX!!! tooo cool….I only ever used it for bruising.

    Grins…

    J

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:55am

  338. 338: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Sirens! I feel so blessed and lucky (and deserving!?!?! Wow that’s surprising and cool!) to be learning from how this blog worked through things and came out into the current peace. LG, Dorothea, SS and Erika- thank you for all being so present. It was almost just too much for me, but you all stayed with it and it’s been amazing to follow along and learn.
    I wonder if the shift was just in me or if Erika shifted her communication style- either way, I can hear you so much better now. I want to email Erika directly, but I am feeling like that is not necessary, it’s just that I want to elaborate on the “I GET IT NOW!!!!” part, so saying it here is good.

    I get it now.

    I wouldn’t have if you all had given up, or if even ONE of you had given up. I would have been stuck and I feel tears of relief and gratitude and a little sadness that I have lost all that time that I wasn’t understanding.

    Thank you.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:55am

  339. 339: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    Do you have any Kosher salt to with that vinegar? Or sea salt/coarse salt-.

    :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 12:03pm

  340. 340: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Super quick lunch post..

    Amber, anger is block to communication so from my perspective had to get present w that and clear it before anyone would feel heard …

    I’m getting present w feelings around ‘shouldering’ too much responsibility … In NVC we learned that offering ‘strategies’ is a way of not being present w feelings. So I’m holding space …

    Empathically picking up anger now which shows up as lower back pain …

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 12:06pm

  341. 341: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Haha! Arnica helped for a sec not sex!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 12:15pm

  342. 342: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Amber: I feel touched and melty reading your post. It felt challenging for me to go into my anger and reveal my “ugly” side in public but I felt safe doing it here because that’s part of the process with Rori’s work. It feels so helpful to hear that the process was helpful for others as well. I feel sad hearing about your sadness about the time that you missed out on by not understanding. I feel remember of an Abraham mantra…”I am where I am and it’s okay”.

    Nikita: yes salt! Thanks for the suggestion. Using my iced chai latte right now as an ice pac. :-)

    Erika: thanks for holding space. I want to sit and be present with the pain but feeling pressure because I’m in town running errands. Obviously they’re not too urgent because I’m finding time to post here but not finding time to just be present with the pain. OMG! It hurts so bad! I don’t tend to have problems with my physical body often. This feels intense and kind of shocking.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 12:26pm

  343. 343: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 331: Erika Awakening

    Femininity is really a VIBE. It’s not so much what you do or say. And that vibe needs to feel congruent to attract the most masculine, strong men. HBR is fantastic for integrating new knowledge and a crystal clear vibe in an organic way that feels seamless to other people.

    This is precisely why a man can be drawn to women that are not his “type.” I know a woman who’s in a relationship with a guy that even I can see is much better looking than she is. But she is so rock solid in her femininity AND sexuality that I get turned on just being around her. She is not at all my physical type, but I know that if I were alone with her I’d want to jump her.

    Men can feel this vibe UPON FIRST SEEING the woman. I can walk into a room and know instantly which women I want to get closer to. About a week ago, I was at a bar with some male friends and sure enough, there was a woman who was not my type, but I knew I wanted to get to know her. I started talking to her, felt very attracted, and got her number.

    Yes, we men are driven by looks in many ways, but many of us know it’s not the only thing that makes us feel good as a man. We love to appreciate your femininity as much as you love to appreciate our masculinity. That’s the engine that keeps a relationship going! It’s also the driver for having a good sex life with your partner.

    With this feminine vibe stuff, what I’ve found is that it becomes so much easier when it’s really integrated into my vibe. For example, there’s no question anymore EVER in my mind about asking a guy out. I simply no longer ever would want to do that. It feels exhausting. It feels like doing all the work for him. It feels unfeminine. And since I don’t feel like it, I don’t have to go round and round in my head anymore … I’m now in touch enough with the feminine vibe to “just say no” to men who won’t step up … deep down, I know I only want to marry a VERY masculine man … so I simply eliminate the guys who don’t step up from contention.

    That’s why I say Erika’s fully in her feminine when it comes to men. She’s calling to them with her vibe to come over and see what might happen. And she’s free to choose and discard at any time for any reason. That’s where the balance of power lies. But to get there, you’ve got to clear out all the conditioning that’s been getting in your way. You’ve got to get your numbers up!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 12:36pm

  344. 344: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I sometimes get shoulder pain in my belly dancing class. But just learned from my son’s thumb rehab (guitar stress), that it is from the nerves getting too tight. So now when I get pain, I gently stretch the nerves from my shoulder all the way to my finger tips.

    I wonder now, though, if the reason I get the pain in the first place is that whole weight of the world thing, too. Maybe the emotions of that cause the nerves to tighten and result in pain.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 12:37pm

  345. 345: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Reposting because the quotes didn’t work.

    Re: 331: Erika Awakening

    Erika:
    “Femininity is really a VIBE. It’s not so much what you do or say. And that vibe needs to feel congruent to attract the most masculine, strong men. HBR is fantastic for integrating new knowledge and a crystal clear vibe in an organic way that feels seamless to other people.”

    This is precisely why a man can be drawn to women that are not his “type.” I know a woman who’s in a relationship with a guy that even I can see is much better looking than she is. But she is so rock solid in her femininity AND sexuality that I get turned on just being around her. She is not at all my physical type, but I know that if I were alone with her I’d want to jump her.

    Men can feel this vibe UPON FIRST SEEING the woman. I can walk into a room and know instantly which women I want to get closer to. About a week ago, I was at a bar with some male friends and sure enough, there was a woman who was not my type, but I knew I wanted to get to know her. I started talking to her, felt very attracted, and got her number.

    Yes, we men are driven by looks in many ways, but many of us know it’s not the only thing that makes us feel good as a man. We love to appreciate your femininity as much as you love to appreciate our masculinity. That’s the engine that keeps a relationship going! It’s also the driver for having a good sex life with your partner.

    Erika:
    “With this feminine vibe stuff, what I’ve found is that it becomes so much easier when it’s really integrated into my vibe. For example, there’s no question anymore EVER in my mind about asking a guy out. I simply no longer ever would want to do that. It feels exhausting. It feels like doing all the work for him. It feels unfeminine. And since I don’t feel like it, I don’t have to go round and round in my head anymore … I’m now in touch enough with the feminine vibe to “just say no” to men who won’t step up … deep down, I know I only want to marry a VERY masculine man … so I simply eliminate the guys who don’t step up from contention.”

    That’s why I say Erika’s fully in her feminine when it comes to men. She’s calling to them with her vibe to come over and see what might happen. And she’s free to choose and discard at any time for any reason. That’s where the balance of power lies. But to get there, you’ve got to clear out all the conditioning that’s been getting in your way. You’ve got to get your numbers up!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 12:38pm

  346. 346: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Reposting because the quotes didn’t work.

    Re: 331: Erika Awakening

    Erika:
    “Femininity is really a VIBE. It’s not so much what you do or say. And that vibe needs to feel congruent to attract the most masculine, strong men. HBR is fantastic for integrating new knowledge and a crystal clear vibe in an organic way that feels seamless to other people.”

    This is precisely why a man can be drawn to women that are not his “type.” I know a woman who’s in a relationship with a guy that even I can see is much better looking than she is. But she is so rock solid in her femininity AND sexuality that I get turned on just being around her. She is not at all my physical type, but I know that if I were alone with her I’d want to jump her.

    Men can feel this vibe UPON FIRST SEEING the woman. I can walk into a room and know instantly which women I want to get closer to. About a week ago, I was at a bar with some male friends and sure enough, there was a woman who was not my type, but I knew I wanted to get to know her. I started talking to her, felt very attracted, and got her number.

    Yes, we men are driven by looks in many ways, but many of us know it’s not the only thing that makes us feel good as a man. We love to appreciate your femininity as much as you love to appreciate our masculinity. That’s the engine that keeps a relationship going! It’s also the driver for having a good sex life with your partner.

    Erika:
    “With this feminine vibe stuff, what I’ve found is that it becomes so much easier when it’s really integrated into my vibe. For example, there’s no question anymore EVER in my mind about asking a guy out. I simply no longer ever would want to do that. It feels exhausting. It feels like doing all the work for him. It feels unfeminine. And since I don’t feel like it, I don’t have to go round and round in my head anymore … I’m now in touch enough with the feminine vibe to “just say no” to men who won’t step up … deep down, I know I only want to marry a VERY masculine man … so I simply eliminate the guys who don’t step up from contention.”

    That’s why I say Erika’s fully in her feminine when it comes to men. She’s calling to them with her vibe to come over and see what might happen. And she’s free to choose and discard at any time for any reason. That’s where the balance of power lies. But to get there, you’ve got to clear out all the conditioning that’s been getting in your way. You’ve got to get your numbers up!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 12:38pm

  347. 347: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I get some pain from playing the viola and fiddle. Mostly hand and elbow pain. I googled something like stretches for musicians and found helpful information that really does make me feel better.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 1:01pm

  348. 348: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    jason

    wow, thank you for your comment.

    i can hear the respect and all out love you have for the feminine,
    i can feel the deliciousness you find in females and femininity and the “charge” the feminine counterpart to your masculinity imparts to you
    love it!
    thank you so very much for sharing that.

    i feel curious to know more about this very balanced very loving feeling man-view of yours!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 1:07pm

  349. 349: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    reading your comments about feeling safe to explore dorothea, and your comments about safety to experience the ecstasy erika, just turned on another light bulb….

    i realize that’s why i don’t want to have sex until i’m married… i felt so free with my husband.
    there was something about him having made that commitment to me and ONLY me that gave me something i’d never experienced with anybody else. i honestly don’t know what to call it,… because almost from the beginning we did not have this type of compatibility in other areas of our marriage…

    but being married, for some reason, made me feel safe to “sink into” the feelings and the sensations and the feeling of being adored and “just gobbled up”.
    i felt ravished and ravishing.

    it feels puzzling…

    i was able to feel more deeply
    the purely sexual aspect
    AT THE SAME TIME i felt the body sensations
    AT THE SAME TIME THAT I FELT the love and admiration i felt for him
    AT THE SAME TIME I FELT whatever love and affection he felt for me
    AT THE SAME TIME….etc., etc., etc…

    married sex brought it all together for me even though i had felt SOME of these things in other relationships. i had never experienced them all at the same time in such tenderness and safety.

    so i don’t get it…
    did he make me feel safe?
    or did i make myself feel safe?
    was it both?

    he loved being together in that way
    i always felt him being PRESENT! with me.
    i did (virtually) ALWAYS feel him being present with me… And not using me as a device to get this _________—.
    i mean i know he was having fantasies sometimes, but that didn’t and doesn’t feel like any big deal, i had them too, but we were still together, sharing our fantasies together … i didn’t feel threatened by that or unsafe or unloved, just felt like a part of normal human sexuality
    oh thank you thank you thank you!, mr. dear exhusband!!!
    that feels like a gift now.
    at the time it just felt like a great time with the man i had opened my heart and life to.
    but i’m seeing how great that felt to know you had opened yourself to making the decision to be there with me… ONLY me, not just at THAT moment, but in the future also.
    i felt and also now recognize the safety in you having demonstrated the fact that
    you CHOSE TO
    C L O S E O U T
    ALL YOUR OTHER OPTIONS WITH OTHER WOMEN AND BE ONLY WITH ME!!!
    That feels safe to me, for me. That feels good.
    I feel safe, special, recognized, given accurate valuation by this decision

    BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!

    FOR ME, this is why i’m not interested in anything but married sex…

    whooppeee!! i didn’t know why…

    i mean men tried to make me feel this way before when i had sex with them and we were in love but it just wasn’t there for me.

    i also sit here realizing that i could marry a man who does NOT make me feel this way EVEN THOUGH we ARE MARRIED.

    because right now i feel like
    having unmarried sex just doesn’t allow me to pull all the pieces together at one time.
    and i am also ACUTELY aware that
    having Married sex doesn’t *guarantee* that this will happen either…

    but there is an answer and I will find the answer
    i will know how to bring it all together when i need to…

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 1:33pm

  350. 350: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    boy energy revving up,
    moving me into getting some paperwork done…. :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 1:38pm

  351. 351: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 353: janjune says:

    > wow, thank you for your comment.

    No problem!

    > i can hear the respect and all out love you have for the feminine,
    > i can feel the deliciousness you find in females and femininity and the
    > “charge” the feminine counterpart to your masculinity imparts to you
    > love it!
    > thank you so very much for sharing that.

    There is nothing more attractive to a man in his masculine than a woman in her feminine. We WANT to merge and dive into that energy. We WANT to ravish you. It’s the nature of the polarity of the masculine and feminine.

    > i feel curious to know more about this very balanced very loving
    > feeling man-view of yours!

    Man-view? Amusing choice of words. I got this point of view from lots of observation, study, therapy, and coaching. Once you can observe the masculine and feminine in action and in real time, then you can see very clearly how we’re MEANT to connect with each other instead of how we THINK we’re supposed to connect.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 1:38pm

  352. 352: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    jason–

    i mean the man-view thing as a joke.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 1:41pm

  353. 353: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    well, no, maybe i did mean manview,

    your voice sounds very balanced, like i said, very loving but also very masculine, encompassing all that masculinity is to me,
    tenderness, strength, nurturing, firm senitive sensible

    i hope to keep posting here…

    I could definitely use a real man’s point of view.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 1:43pm

  354. 354: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    We WANT to merge and dive into that energy. We WANT to ravish you. It’s the nature of the polarity of the masculine and feminine.

    ooooohhhh, gives me mermaid chills!!!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 1:45pm

  355. 355: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    boy energy calling my name…..

    bye!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 1:46pm

  356. 356: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Still not able to let go of wanting WH….

    I’m pretty sure I was all-feminine energy when I was with him….

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 2:03pm

  357. 357: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I always feel so triggered when I see you thinking so much about one man in particular, like WH or TN Man. Gosh. I’m sorry, girl:( This is your business but I feel protective. And frustrated. I feel frustrated seeing you worry about a man who isn’t in front of you or worth your time because like Rori says, his fundamental flaw is that he’s not way into you.

    I want to beat him up.

    I want to shake you.

    Violence is not cool but I have so much of it inside of me.

    Hello triggers and violence. How ya doing today?

    What do you think I should do, Lucy? What would you like me to do? Just give you the room to post about WH? Or tell you that if he’s not calling, then he sucks, who cares, get over it?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 2:15pm

  358. 358: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, what I would like is for you to not judge either the men or me. Judging is not helpful. Ever.

    I also feel unheard and not understood (re: #361).

    I feel better when there is an empathic, compassionate vibe in other siren’s responses.

    I don’t want to go back to the vibe that was here before.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 2:29pm

  359. 359: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 357: janjune says:

    > jason–
    >
    > i mean the man-view thing as a joke.

    No worries. I took it that way. I thought it was cute.

    > your voice sounds very balanced, like i said, very loving but also
    > very masculine, encompassing all that masculinity is to me,
    > tenderness, strength, nurturing, firm senitive sensible

    Thank you. I appreciate that.

    >> We WANT to merge and dive into that energy. We WANT to ravish
    >> you. It’s the nature of the polarity of the masculine and feminine.

    > ooooohhhh, gives me mermaid chills!!!

    Yeah, I wish I could say that was my metaphor, but I learned that one from David Deida. Takes a lot of effort to internalize it though. We just don’t start out that way in modern society, particularly Generation X, IMO.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 2:31pm

  360. 360: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    And, since you asked, I would also like you to consider the reality that this is a trigger for YOU and has nothing to do with me. It is mirroring something inside of you that needs healing.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 2:32pm

  361. 361: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I feel frustrated because I am sensing you feel defensive, which doesn’t feel like the appropriate response to someone telling you they want to cater to what YOU would like to feel comfortable.

    maybe i just suck at communicating

    omg i feel really negative voicey toward myself. i actually feel like i am going to burst into tears and i feel hateful toward myself.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 2:58pm

  362. 362: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 362, 363: knocksoftly says:

    > I feel frustrated. Trying to lean back and not chase my
    > ex. This is the way to go but it feels uncomfortable. I
    > don’t wanna miss him. I feel angry he deleted me from
    > his fb friends. I feel furious he is not chasing me.
    > Uggghhhhhh. This is like a freakin detox. I don’t like it.
    > I don’t wanna feel this way. I want to chase his butt
    > down. BUT that does not work. What do you sirens
    > think?
    >
    > Not about chasing him down, lmao. That is not an
    > option. What do you think might help me lean
    > back….way back…..like to ZERO.

    Here’s the non-siren opinion, if you’re open to it. I don’t know the history of your relationship. My gut tells me you were dumped, but I might be wrong about that. In any case, it doesn’t matter. The ego hates losing what it thinks was a good thing. That’s what’s giving you that feeling you’re in detox. It’s your ego’s rage over your ex taking the relationship away. It feels very unpleasant and nasty probably. (I was dumped last May myself by a girlfriend who I put on the marriage track, so I think this is universal and not male/female.)

    Now alongside this you may genuinely be missing him as a person and the connection you had, but that’s actually distinct from what the ego does. The ego wants to control the outcome and so that’s probably why you feel the urges to chase him and probably tell him he was wrong for leaving. In addition, your ego helps prevent you from feeling the pain of the loss by blocking your ability to feel grief. You have to get through the grief to healing before you can feel neutral toward him. Takes a while for the ego to loosen its grip over you before you can properly grieve. Stages of grief and all that.

    Let me know if that fits what you’re going through or not.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 2:59pm

  363. 363: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t even say anything judgey to you! wht the hell lucy! now i feel misunderstood and you’re sounding like erika the yoda princess talkin about triggers and mirrors all of a sudden.

    i don’t feel very happy:( fuuu*uuck f*ck my life, holy cow this is not lucy’s fault, let me be clear, not lucy’s fault……..i’m just a miserable f*cking person:(

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:00pm

  364. 364: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oh ——

    i just got the

    mermaid(bird,siren) /sailor /safety (both ways) analogy!

    THANK YOU
    ((((( JASON )))))
    FOR HELPING ME PROCESS THIS CONCEPT!!

    btw, while i do hope “to” keep posting here what i want to say was i hope *YOU* keep posting here…

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:02pm

  365. 365: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, I really appreciate what you wrote here. This is helpful. The whole thing, and, what resonates with me the most:

    “You have to get through the grief to healing before you can feel neutral toward him. Takes a while for the ego to loosen its grip over you before you can properly grieve. Stages of grief and all that.”

    Thank you.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:05pm

  366. 366: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I never even said anything judgmental, yet i am being judged as judgmental, and it feels crappy. and i am sick and tired of hearing about mirrors from people who aren’t even looking in the mirror themselves when they say that. omg!!! i feel angry and misunderstood and probably everyone is going to jump on me and tell me what a wretched failure i am at communicating

    this is fine
    you win.

    i’m leaving for now.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:06pm

  367. 367: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, I feel really confused. I thought you asked me what would be helpful to me, and that was what I was responding to — telling you what would help. I’m sorry if I misunderstood the question.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:09pm

  368. 368: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    jason, i agree,
    to me it feels like in the midst of achieving equality as females, the gender polarity got sacrificed… nobody’s fault… it just seems to have been a casualty…
    ,
    thank God for dating coaches holding space (love that!) for those of us of both genders, who wish to find a more satisfying way of relating …

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:09pm

  369. 369: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    > 371: janjune says:
    >
    > oh ——
    >
    > i just got the
    >
    > mermaid(bird,siren) /sailor /safety (both ways) analogy!
    >
    > THANK YOU
    > ((((( JASON )))))
    > FOR HELPING ME PROCESS THIS CONCEPT!!

    Sure. Ancient (and modern) myths and archetypes run deep.

    > btw, while i do hope “to” keep posting here what i want to say was i hope
    > *YOU* keep posting here…

    Sure. Happy to.

    > 372: Lucy says:
    >
    > Jason, I really appreciate what you wrote here. This is helpful. The whole
    > thing, and, what resonates with me the most:
    >
    > “You have to get through the grief to healing before you can feel neutral
    > toward him. Takes a while for the ego to loosen its grip over you before you
    > can properly grieve. Stages of grief and all that.”
    >
    > Thank you.

    Hey, no worries. It’s a critical skill to be able to observe your ego. It’s your reptilian brain operating in an internet world.

    > 375: janjune says:
    >
    > jason, i agree,
    > to me it feels like in the midst of achieving equality as females, the gender
    > polarity got sacrificed… nobody’s fault… it just seems to have been a
    > casualty…

    Well said. I think it was an accident. But we’re getting it back. Version 2.0 or whatever. It’s just that Gen X was the transitional generation in this massive shift. Our parents made the change and we were the first born into it.

    > thank God for dating coaches holding space (love that!) for those of us of both
    > genders, who wish to find a more satisfying way of relating …

    Yeah, that’s why I want to coach women. The men’s movement is progressing quickly and it’s self-correcting somewhat, but women need to become engaged in the process to achieve balance and keep the engine turning over and running into the future. It needs to be a unified movement, not that stupid meme from the 70′s and 80′s of the “battle of the sexes.” Plus, women and men should see themselves from the male perspective as well as the female perspective.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:26pm

  370. 370: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, what do you all think? (Jason too!) This match IM I just got — do you think this guy sends the same exact message to a bunch of women?

    “How are you doing? I saw your profile and it caught my attention…I really like your profile and u look great. I wonder what a beautiful woman like u is doing on here… ok I have to confess when I saw u I felt something so I stopped and looked at u so close, you look familiar. I don’t know u from anywhere but I really would love to get to know more about u ONLY if you don’t mind…I feel like u have something to do with me(hope I haven’t scared You).. I am a very sweet and honest person, trustworthy, loyal and just as opened as I want others to be with me. I will tell you like it is. And sometimes I do not candy coat it. Which some people don’t like, but that’s me……..I must confess that you have the prettiest face on this site and I could not help but stop and write you.”

    He lives on the opposite side of the country.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:35pm

  371. 371: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly, I get frustrated with myself about not being able to let go, too. I WANT to let go! Why would I want to continue feeling bad, right??? What Jason wrote about the ego and the grieving process feels helpful to me — part of it maybe is loving ourselves even while we grieve and struggle.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:38pm

  372. 372: lmNo Gravatar says:

    erika –

    “there’s no question anymore EVER in my mind about asking a guy out. I simply no longer ever would want to do that. It feels exhausting. It feels like doing all the work for him. It feels unfeminine.”

    i know! i absolutely would never do this now, except with male friends that i don’t care about romantically. my ex started to get really really girly and whiney about me not making plans toward the end (he’d call and say ‘why didn’t you call me today’ and claim i was inconsiderate because i didn’t contact him during the day, which is something i would NEVER have done at the beginning, even pre-rori, because i didn’t want to seem desperate).

    it was an absolute turn off, even sexually. now i wouldn’t even spend a minute thinking about a dude who wasn’t really bringing it.

    and…i am finally attracted to a new guy! (old guy, actually, from years back!). it feels goooood.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:44pm

  373. 373: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    > 376: knocksoftly says:
    >
    > Jason-Thanks for the comment. Actually I gave him the “until you
    > decide what you want then we cant be exclusive speech” and he
    > replied “it’s over”. He says he wants to be together but just does
    > not step up. I have HUGE abandonment issues and they are being
    > triggered big time. It is also ego and CONTROL. I have a history of
    > wanting to control EVERYTHING so letting go is very difficult for
    > me. And siren or not-I appreciate your response. It feels good to
    > have some male energy here.

    Hey, thanks. I like your energy too. I’m not sure why.

    Anyway, it always sucks to be in an ultimatum state. Nobody gets what they want. I don’t know what the actual conflict was between you and your ex, but it sounds like it was something like he wants to be exclusive but not married and you want to be married? I haven’t been able to follow the details in the thread but I’m assuming that’s the nature of it.

    My mom almost broke up with her boyfriend over the issue of continuing on in the relationship married or unmarried. She wanted to be married and was pressuring him. I told her that he’s wary because he’s divorced and what he’s experienced, not because he doesn’t want to be with you only. So she found some empathy for that and cooled her jets for a while and sure enough, they got married.

    > I get very frustrated with myself for not being able to easily let go of
    > someone who is toxic or not stepping up but I have struggled with “I WILL
    > MAKE YOU LOVE ME” Syndrome all my life. I am very new to this and I
    > have to remind myself that this is going to take time a LOTS of practice
    > and patience for me to change patterns that have served me (though not
    > well) for 40 years. What do you all think?

    I’m going to make an assertion here and you can accept it or reject it. No problem for me either way. People stay in these patterns (which can become addictive) because of an unconscious secondary benefit and/or an unresolved inner conflict. If you can nail down what these things are for you, you can clear them much more easily than if you’re trying to white-knuckle your way to behaving “better.” Changing patterns is hard if you use brute force methods. There are many “easier ways” out there it’s just a question of which one you are called to use.

    For me, it’s been a lot of therapy and a lot of coaching, both coaching others and receiving coaching. I’ve done extensive work with Erika (That’s how I got here.) and she’s an expert laser surgeon of unconscious issues. And I’ve been trained by her, but I’m still just getting started with her methodology. So that’s my shameless plug for Erika and what she does. She has helped me with a bunch of stuff in very short order. She’s just way beyond anyone in her specific areas of practice.

    But I’ve gone down other paths successfully too. Conventional therapy has worked for me in some ways. Support groups. Other kinds of coaching. But one common theme holds true for all of them. Until you clear the subconscious belief/issue/conflict underlying why you do what you do and why you feel what you feel, you’re going to be stuck running on your own personal hamster wheel reliving the same crappy scenario over and over. It’s just that simple.

    And you very often need someone else to dig around in the dark closet of your past to find and clear out these relics that are just taking up space and getting in your way because you can’t see them anymore. Lose your attachment to those useless relics and clear them out. Lay down your burdens. There is no cross to bear, only your attachment to carrying that cross around!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:53pm

  374. 374: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hiya Jason….okay so you want to coach women? So I can really challenge you and use my boy voice and you won’t fold? Cuz I’d LOVE to be able to that here….

    I’m going to copy in what my guy friend emailed me about that – if you wanna dance (and I’d for sure ask a guy out if I wanted to, not limiting myself by rules or beliefs! lol) what’s your take on it and this very feminine forum???

    “As for the forum , you do have an energy that makes many women uneasy … Actually that is likely what makes women uneasy ? They wish they had your energy .

    You know ? I don’t think that most women want to be strong . Really . Oh , they go on about it , but when it comes right down to it I believe that most want to play the part of ” a lady “, and see a strong woman as either being a ” bitch “. or a ” dike “. :) You know what I am trying to say here ? They don’t think that a woman can be tender and womany while being strong at the same time …. ”

    And I’m calling foul on anyone who starts throwing tomatoes at this – because for one, it’s a quote, not me tooting my own horn and for two what rules for one rules for all. So, if we are not here to be friends or to receive advise and only as “experts” on something….I can definitely be an expert on being a strong woman!

    not sure how anyone’s gonna talk to me with all those “rules,” tho….. LOL….

    Anyway, Jason, let me know what you think.

    Grins and ducks,
    Jacqueline

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 3:58pm

  375. 375: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    and – OMGosh, synchronicity….right when I decide to go for it….he sends this:

    “Yea , the easiest way to get most people’s attention is to piss them off eh ? :) But it is good that you are taking the time to learn to ” play nice “. :) A learning experience that may aid in your book . The wording of such things are sooo key … ”

    So, how do I authentically play nice when confronted with a bunch of words that I totally would call bulls*** on in real life?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:02pm

  376. 376: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    ohmygoshohmgosh

    now i just got the BIRD analogy….

    OH MY GOSH
    oh my gosh
    ohmygosh—

    — this just happens so FAST!!!!!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:05pm

  377. 377: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oh and jason,

    i just realized that you said david DEIDA,

    not the dating coach whose name is david somethingwitha D….

    *smile*

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:09pm

  378. 378: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 382: Jacqueline says:

    > Hiya Jason….okay so you want to coach women? So I can really
    > challenge you and use my boy voice and you won’t fold? Cuz I’d
    > LOVE to be able to that here….

    Don’t hold back. I’ve been challenged about coaching women before.

    Your male friend’s quote:

    “As for the forum , you do have an energy that makes many women uneasy … Actually that is likely what makes women uneasy ? They wish they had your energy .

    You know ? I don’t think that most women want to be strong . Really . Oh , they go on about it , but when it comes right down to it I believe that most want to play the part of ” a lady “, and see a strong woman as either being a ” bitch “. or a ” dike “. You know what I am trying to say here ? They don’t think that a woman can be tender and womany while being strong at the same time …. ”

    I’ve written earlier about the feminine courtship strategy of attracting men toward you and selecting the one (or ones) that measure up. This is not a position of weakness. The strength of the feminine strategy is in the raw allure of the feminine itself. Again, if you’re going to be the siren, you must maximize your feminine vibe. Trust me, it works. Your male friends will tell you they believe any woman can get laid any time she wants because she’s a woman. She doesn’t have to make the approach. She just has to hang out and be attractive. This is our rationalization of the feminine allure.

    Now, your male friend is still living in the that bygone era where society believed masculine energy = strength and feminine energy = weakness. The proper interpretation is that masculine = action and feminine = reaction. (I’ll ignore the finer points of this for brevity’s sake.) Being passive or reactive is not a position of weakness simply because it’s the position of CHOICE!

    A so-called “bitch” or a “dyke” is a woman operating using her MASCULINE VIBE and men resent it because she’s gotten quite good at maximizing her masculine energy. It’s threatening to a man’s masculinity because he’s scared she knows how to be more of a man than he does. And if a woman can be a better man than he is, what possible use to the world can he be? He’s suddenly obsolete! And that’s one of the many reasons for the men’s movement happening right now. We are redesigning masculinity and femininity for the 21st Century.

    Your friend continues:
    “Yea , the easiest way to get most people’s attention is to piss them off eh ? But it is good that you are taking the time to learn to ” play nice “. A learning experience that may aid in your book . The wording of such things are sooo key … ”

    > So, how do I authentically play nice when confronted with a bunch
    > of words that I totally would call bulls*** on in real life?

    Tough love, baby. Let him have it. There is no playing nice in this business. :-)

    In all seriousness, I believe you’re more effective being bluntly honest to a small audience that appreciates it rather than being nice and trying to please everybody. That being said, very often finesse is called for. You can be direct and empathetic at the same time.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:31pm

  379. 379: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 384: knocksoftly says:

    Well, if you’re stuck, what other ways are you willing to seek help? Willpower doesn’t work.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:33pm

  380. 380: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 386: janjune says:

    > oh and jason,
    >
    > i just realized that you said david DEIDA,
    >
    > not the dating coach whose name is david
    > somethingwitha D….
    >
    > *smile*

    Yeah, David DeAngelo was the guy who thought being cocky and funny was a good strategy for guys to meet women in bars and clubs to get laid. I’m not an advocate of men going this route because it preys on pretty young women with low self-esteem. It’s not a growth path for anyone involved in my opinion. It’s better for all of us just to uncover our true nature and see each other for who we really are so real connection happens, even if it is only a fling. ;-)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:39pm

  381. 381: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 390: knocksoftly says:

    > Jason-Good question. That’s why I am here.
    > Seeking….. =)

    Don’t keep seeking for too long. Be sure to try something out and take a risk. You’ll be stuck until you do. Pain and suffering doesn’t go away by itself if you’re stuck. I know someone well who just turned 65. Her parents are dead. She’s still angry as hell at them. Don’t be like her.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:46pm

  382. 382: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Jason…yes! that’s what I think, too. No point in talking if you can’t be authentic. Darn, we’re not going to get to spar….too much.

    I am strong but I am oh so feminine. Like, loooong blonde hair, red toes, etc. I’ve made money off my looks – modeling and have worked in several unusual environments with men.

    That’s what throws guys off about me – even created the I’m gonna break your heart disclaimer I went around using for years….I’m all that soft, girly, excited, enthusiastic OMGOSH, you are fascinating…

    and then I’ve got a rapier wit, a brilliant brain, and sigh…my daddy alwasy said my problem in life was that I was never going to find a man smarter than me.

    I may have found ONE….har har…but I didn’t keep him after the 10 year mark….he had too much drama. rofl…

    So feminine is traditionally passive/receptive, but I look at it more as a form of total attention to a guy that makes him vibe masculine. It’s a you are all there is in the whole world while you have my attention thing, and it’s worked wonders for me.

    Thanks for being playful here, too….

    let me/us know what you think – but I myself do NOT think men are organically catching up and I read a lot about that in my magazines…particularly Elle. They feel displaced and threatened and yes, oh so lost without a dragon to fight? And it feels good to just let go for a guyto catch you – but oh, wait! my Significant Other built me a fine, fine sunroom….amazing…..and then left a 2″x4″ hole in the freaking wall across from the a/c in the 105 degree heat!!! So, ummmm…yeah, call me overfunctioning but HOW in the heck am I supposed to relax into his care when he’s less capable at things that require detail than I am?

    All the best,
    J

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:46pm

  383. 383: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    jason,
    oh, i didn’t know what david de’s claim to fame was, just know there was a dating coach by that name.

    but david DIEDA……. mmmmm…. now that’s different…. i do remember what he was all about…

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 4:59pm

  384. 384: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 393: Jacqueline says:

    If you were fully grounded in your femininity and if you’re attraction strategy for men were truly feminine, you wouldn’t have the drama. You would simply select for a calm relationship, not a dramatic one. And you would have more information available to you from your intuition to choose a man who matches your boundaries and values.

    And I would ask one question in particular:
    How much of your energy is spent upholding the belief your dad gave you about not being able to find a man smarter than you? And for that matter, how important it is to know if a man’s smarter or not? Is it not acceptable that he’s just smart enough that you don’t even notice a difference between the two of you?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:08pm

  385. 385: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    J

    “but oh, wait! my Significant Other built me a fine, fine sunroom….amazing…..and then left a 2″x4″ hole in the freaking wall across from the a/c in the 105 degree heat!!!”

    sorry you have a hole in our wall ….but this is hilarious….!!! like Whaaaaaa?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:10pm

  386. 386: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    OK, three questions. Sue me. :-)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:11pm

  387. 387: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my goodness! I feel so excited to have a man’s voice on here. It’s kind of tripping me out.

    Jason, you sound so adorable to me. I feel so thrilled to hear a man who’s into this way of living.

    So, I have one question…do men hate being called adorable? Or cute? Or pretty? I’d love to know how a masculine man feels about this.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:13pm

  388. 388: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 398: Laughing goddess says:

    > Jason, you sound so adorable to me. I feel so thrilled to
    > hear a man who’s into this way of living.

    Thanks.

    > So, I have one question…do men hate being called
    > adorable? Or cute? Or pretty? I’d love to know how a
    > masculine man feels about this.

    Pretty? Never call a man pretty unless it’s derogatory (pretty boy) or if he’s gay. Adorable and cute are great as long as they mean you find us sexually attractive. They can be used in a derogatory manner if you’re making those compliments as if you’re referring to a young boy.

    I recently told a woman she was adorable and cute. Then we made out. ;-)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:18pm

  389. 389: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline,

    are you open to hearing honest response of how your speech to Jason feels to me?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:30pm

  390. 390: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bemused by the silence about Jason’s ‘expert laser surgeon’ comment. I feel a disconnect. I’ll explore more when I get to a more comfortable feeling location.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:32pm

  391. 391: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Jason, btw, that felt wonderful to hear :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:33pm

  392. 392: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi erika,

    i, for one didn’t feel it was necessary to make any further comments about Jason’s ‘expert laser surgeon’ comment….. i thought everyone could tell you had it by now… *smile*

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:38pm

  393. 393: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    this is going to be strange, a 22 year old is IMing me…

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:42pm

  394. 394: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i am going to talk to him anyway instead of blocking him…

    i feel creeped out.
    i feel tingly creepy like when you think someone is trfying to get in your house….

    i feel he is here for a reason tho

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:44pm

  395. 395: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, janjune, that feels wonderful to hear also …

    I still hear a disconnect though …

    I hear Siren after Siren after Siren saying … essentially …

    “I know that Rori’s advice is the way to go with men, and I want to follow her advice, but I don’t feel congruent doing so because I have this underlying NEEDINESS that I can’t seem to get rid of no matter what I do.”

    And I am standing in front you with the answer.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:46pm

  396. 396: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like my last few remarks to you erika are coming off as cheesey…the advice, etc…but i really feel them

    …. here i go again!……i just see you modeling rori’s program so well … just think you should hear that part too…. not just all the criticisms….

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:50pm

  397. 397: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oh, im glad it felt good to hear.

    i just really am learning so much from your posts to us sirens.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 5:51pm

  398. 398: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    okay, it turns out, the 22 year old said he hadn’t looked at the age difference—
    i feel better about it now…

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:15pm

  399. 399: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m hearing crickets waiting for some of these responses……
    to a few questions that were posed earlier…….crickets…..oh the suspense……I feel so curious!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:27pm

  400. 400: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    Regarding “laser surgeons”….. I felt ; aaaw Jason is so sweet and he has such a way with words, Erika must be really pleased to read that. I thought; mmm, perceptive of him.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:31pm

  401. 401: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Erika, thanks no I am not open to your comments as you are not my friend, an expert (IMO) nor wanting my advice. It was actually you who my male friend and I were addressing on the email exchange. And, you know that is my WHOLE problem here….YOU are standing in front of us saying YOU have the answer, but I’m not here wanting YOUR answer; I am here wanting what Rori has, and asking Jason questions.

    I also think your “I’m amused” statement has come up when a siren was in jail and when one was literally hitting her head against the wall, something I do not find amusing in any way.

    I know Jason said, let him/her have it, but I do not want to operate on that level here with you so I’m just answering the question you asked, addressing one of your comments and dropping it.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:40pm

  402. 402: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    lol—

    here’s what one guy said: (okcupid)

    I’m really good at Intimacy, understanding women, listening, and (obviously) promising more than I can deliver.

    lol—i think i like this guy!!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:45pm

  403. 403: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Jason…great insightful questions…and btw, I have moved on from drama guy and onto Mr. Good Enough, and it feels like moving up – Rori has this kind of hierachy thing where if you move from toxic to just kind of not hurting you but maybe a bit boring, you’re healing and moving up. LOL…so that’s how I look at it. About the comment, I don’t know….I will wonder about that, and how it influences me. I basically think I decided it didn’t matter since I’ve dated all types of guys and intelligence is somewhat subjective – I mean I couldn’t/wouldn’t build a sunroom!!!

    I never made a distinction like this between male/female, there was for me only you can achieve your goals and what results you produce in whatever arena you’re operating in. So, this is interesting…..

    Thanks so MUCH for being here, it’s been a fab day cuz it feels like breakthrough and movement and I feel like I can speak more authentically with you around….course I’m gonna get rotten tomatoes at me, yep, I do have that belief. grin….

    @ janjune….but OMGOSH IF I did…it wouldn’t have a freaking hole in it letting the a/c out!!! He just like doesn’t see details even if he’s eye to eye with ‘em. But he’s great at postive thinking, making me laugh, etc. Totally opposite from what I had before – which again is pretty much what I always do.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:48pm

  404. 404: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    @acqueline—

    i know!!!!!…. too funny!!!

    they seem to not notice those holes in the wall….
    it makes me feel so curious

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:52pm

  405. 405: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    can i be funny here?

    without getting clobbered?

    yes?>

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:53pm

  406. 406: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    okay, here goes……:)
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    JOUSTING STICKS ANYONE?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:55pm

  407. 407: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    I’ve been tapping to let this go, but now that you’ve brought it up in a roundabout way, what the heck.

    Regarding Jason’s “expert laser surgeon” comment, I don’t feel it. To me, there’s a great big “elephant in the room”, or maybe it’s more like “the empress has no clothes”. My most recent basis for this feeling is your post #307 above:

    I have a fun game we could play on one of these threads, if anyone else wants to join me. I’m going to call it “Reframing Silence”

    I’ve been practicing this game lately around silences with a man, because it seems so often a negative interpretation is put on “not hearing from a man,” but what if there’s a better way …

    So I’m doing the “what if” game …

    What if silence means he loves me and he doesn’t need to say it?

    What if silence means he’s planning a romantic surprise for us and building suspense?

    What if silence means he’s busy working hard on something that is for both of us?

    What if silence means that God wants me to get more present instead of worrying about a man?

    What if silence means there’s going to be some delicious plot twist that makes an already amazing situation even MORE amazing?

    When I read this post, especially the bold portion, I get a sense that you’ve been spending so much time here in order to distract yourself from your NV’s regarding VG’s silence – not that there’s anything wrong with that since that’s part of the purpose of this blog as I understand it. Yet, I feel perplexed by your need to appear “better than” other Sirens who may be doing the same thing.

    What if the distress over the silence had been expressed directly instead of veiled in a “game”?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:57pm

  408. 408: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Erika: I feel confused about why you are wondering about that particular “laser surgeon” comment. His post was quite lengthy. Did I miss something about that particular phrase? I feel confused.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:58pm

  409. 409: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    where is brenda?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    i’m afraid we scared her off….

    (((( BRENDA ))))

    …and no i haven[‘t been drinking….LOL
    i just feel good getting all that crap taken care of the last few days.

    now i think I *will* go pour a glass og wine, that sounds rather delightful…

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 6:58pm

  410. 410: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oops!

    another IM…

    this could be fun……

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:00pm

  411. 411: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I’d love a glass! Thx ;)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:02pm

  412. 412: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    cool glass of cabernet for goddess nikita…

    cheers! *click*

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:05pm

  413. 413: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Ok — so what to do here?

    The cougar man I’ve been dating just txted me “You know I’m not going to leave you on the market much longer.” And I have no clue what to say back.

    I’ve already given him the speech about not wanting to jump into something exclusive too soon because that’s what I’ve done in my past, but I honestly don’t see us moving through life as a couple…I just thought he was fun and would be great to date for a while…what do you think I should say?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:13pm

  414. 414: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    renee.
    how about:
    “I honestly don’t see us moving through life as a couple…I just thought it was fun and would be great to date each other for a while…what do you think?”

    that sounds really good imho

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:15pm

  415. 415: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    lg,

    hi.

    how ya doin?

    when jacqueline brought up that comment about a goddess being amused… and it ticked her (J) off…. it reminded me

    i just wanted to tell you that i had not read your comment about what happened to you when you were little *before* i posted that comment on the Trigger Thread about feeling amused…inner child… different voices….etc.
    i don’t know whether you’ve even read that or not, of course, but if you have i just wanted to tell you i don’t find it amusing in the least now.

    love,
    janjune

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:30pm

  416. 416: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    > 424: Renee says:
    >
    > Ok — so what to do here?
    >
    > The cougar man I’ve been dating just txted me “You
    > know I’m not going to leave you on the market much
    > longer.” And I have no clue what to say back.
    >
    > I’ve already given him the speech about not wanting
    > to jump into something exclusive too soon because
    > that’s what I’ve done in my past, but I honestly don’t
    > see us moving through life as a couple…I just
    > thought he was fun and would be great to date for a
    > while…what do you think I should say?

    First off, how old do you have to be to be a cougar man? :-) How old is this guy and how old are you? Sounds like something an older guy would say. Pre-GenX even.

    This is tough because if you stay with him and he wants to go the distance, you’re just leading him on. If you’re certain he wants a long term committed thing and you don’t, the honest thing to do is say that you don’t want that with him. You can stay with him for fun for now, but you basically know a breakup is inevitable. Then he can decide how he wants to handle it. If I was serious about a woman that was not serious about me, I’d want to know that. I’d want to be free to move on with my life.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:34pm

  417. 417: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Renee,
    Attn. cougar man:
    “promises,promises :p”

    ;)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:36pm

  418. 418: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel bemused by the silence about Jason’s ‘expert laser surgeon’ comment. I feel a disconnect. I’ll explore more when I get to a more comfortable feeling location.”

    I feel confused……it reads;

    Bemused, not amused.

    I haven’t seen amused twice.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:42pm

  419. 419: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    > 412: Jacqueline says:
    >
    > @ Erika, thanks no I am not open to your comments
    > as you are not my friend, an expert (IMO) nor
    > wanting my advice. It was actually you who my
    > male friend and I were addressing on the email
    > exchange. And, you know that is my WHOLE
    > problem here….YOU are standing in front of us
    > saying YOU have the answer, but I’m not here
    > wanting YOUR answer; I am here wanting what Rori
    > has, and asking Jason questions.
    >
    > …
    >
    > I know Jason said, let him/her have it, but I do not
    > want to operate on that level here with you so I’m
    > just answering the question you asked, addressing
    > one of your comments and dropping it.

    Jacqueline, I may not have followed this 400+ entry comment thread to the letter, so I don’t have a complete history by any means. First, I gave you that suggestion to let your male friend have it jokingly. Maybe I should have made that more clear. I felt you had a valid situation in order to speak your truth. Also note I followed up with the “let him have it” suggestion that your response could be handled in an empathetic way.

    More importantly, I was left under the impression your disagreement was with HIM and not ERIKA. I would not have suggested you let Erika have it. In fact, I would not have commented at all had I known Erika was the subject of that particular quoted conversation since she is my friend. And if you were to state your disagreement with Erika, she’d listen with an empathetic ear regardless of your delivery. Do not misrepresent material you are posting here for my, or anyone else’s comment. I don’t appreciate it and I assume no one else does either.

    I’m not here to coerce or convince anyone to do anything. I’m only giving my opinions and experiences here as long as they are welcome. I’m offering a bridge from the male experience to your experience.

    > 414: Jacqueline says:
    >
    > …
    >
    > Thanks so MUCH for being here, it’s been a fab day
    > cuz it feels like breakthrough and movement and I
    > feel like I can speak more authentically with you
    > around….course I’m gonna get rotten tomatoes at
    > me, yep, I do have that belief. grin….

    You’re welcome.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 7:52pm

  420. 420: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    love ya jaqueline,
    but that was extremely well stated Jason Miller…

    i feel deep respect for men and women who have the courage to stand up for their friends…. and themselves…

    … that being no doubt beause i have been such a chicken at times in my life….

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:02pm

  421. 421: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Oh wow. I feel surprised and a lil’ sad.

    Jason, re: 427 – that last paragraph was for me. You didn’t write it for me but it was definitely for me.

    This is tough because if you stay with him and he wants to go the distance, you’re just leading him on. If you’re certain he wants a long term committed thing and you don’t, the honest thing to do is say that you don’t want that with him. You can stay with him for fun for now, but you basically know a breakup is inevitable. Then he can decide how he wants to handle it. If I was serious about a woman that was not serious about me, I’d want to know that. I’d want to be free to move on with my life.

    What if I’m not really sure what I want? I don’t feel certain either way. Right now I can’t see “forever” with him. What do I do? What would you do?

    I do believe I just wrote my speech. :-)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:08pm

  422. 422: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    yipes,

    im so off the vibe here

    my party animal goddess feels unleashed…

    and this feels tight, locked down…

    sorry, hope i haven’t offended anyone with my levity.

    g’night.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:10pm

  423. 423: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 418: joan says:

    “What if the distress over the silence had been expressed directly instead of veiled in a “game”?”

    Erika’s reframing is valid. If you’re in a relationship with a man who has a solid mission in life that requires a lot of his time and attention, he may not respond to you as often or as quickly as you want. He might get absorbed in what he’s doing and not call you for a day or two. The quintessential expression of masculinity is “being on a mission.” In fact, it’s what I coach men to do! I would suspect VG is a guy with a mission.

    Now, as a woman does that stress you out or does that comfort you? If you believe that he’s gonna leave you any minute, then it will make you feel anxiety. If you believe you’re part of that bigger mission, then your position is secure.

    But I don’t know your whole situation so I can’t speculate.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:12pm

  424. 424: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I felt apprehensive about Erika bringing people of the male persuasion over here.

    Erika,

    I felt uncomfortable with men posting here. After sniffing around Jason’s comments I feel differently. I wasn’t a fan of the others but he is refreshing. I’d liken Jason to an Arnold Palmer; half tea, half lemonade :) I like it……I was feeling skeptical but after checking out the genesis of his blog I feel ……..peaceful about HIM.

    Jason,

    Welcome.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:16pm

  425. 425: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, I’m clear Erika is your friend and I had no intention of bringing up that the conversation was about her. However, I felt defensive when she said to paraphrase I AM the answer and do you wanna know how it REALLY is for you? And, sorry, no I don’t…sigh….and no, I’ve never felt empathy from her, so I don’t see what you are seeing. But I seperated the posts specifically to not turn this into a Erika conversation.

    I just wanted to know your opinon on my speaking authentically, if that was a “male” energy thing, etc.

    I did not bring Erika into the conversation, she brought herself into it, and I do not want to bring anything into yours and shes friendship, either. So, if you don’t want to post back, I understand. However, I did NOT use you or your comments/opinions to make a point, I simply replied to the question that was asked of me, I think if you look at posts you will notice this.

    However! I absolutely do agree that your comments are kind of laser like, and I agree to anyone and everyone being able to say what they want to say here.

    Best,
    J

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:18pm

  426. 426: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Jason: I just clicked on your name. Get The Dude. Inner Dude. Haha! I feel smiley and giggly.

    My bubbas call me Dude-ette (and Princess). Boys are awesome! ;-)

    Thank you [she says as she walks down the hall].

    Sweet dreams my lovelies.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:19pm

  427. 427: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ janjune….doesn’t levity sound like it ought to mean seriousness??? instead of funniness? Don’t let a full on conversation bring you down….okay. I’m fine and I’m sure everyone else is fine…or they will be.

    And I too wonder where Brenda is – probably in a mass of confusion about the FB thing.

    Nite all,
    J

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:20pm

  428. 428: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    432: Simply Shannon says:

    [Me]
    This is tough because if you stay with him and he wants to go the distance, you’re just leading him on. If you’re certain he wants a long term committed thing and you don’t, the honest thing to do is say that you don’t want that with him. You can stay with him for fun for now, but you basically know a breakup is inevitable. Then he can decide how he wants to handle it. If I was serious about a woman that was not serious about me, I’d want to know that. I’d want to be free to move on with my life.

    [Shannon]
    What if I’m not really sure what I want? I don’t feel certain either way. Right now I can’t see “forever” with him. What do I do? What would you do?

    [Me]
    That’s valid. If you see any long term potential at all with this man, then it’s fair to stay with him till you know. Your only responsibility is to keep him up to date as to where you stand. Don’t lead him on. If you honestly KNOW there is NO potential and you’re trying to convince yourself there is, then you’re obligation is to let him know that since he wants more.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:22pm

  429. 429: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 435: Nikita
    Thank you very much!

    Re: 436: Jacqueline
    No hard feelings, Jacqueline. I called it as a saw it.

    I’m still trying to figure out how to trace threads on this damn WordPress comment extravaganza…

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:35pm

  430. 430: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, I feel so grateful reading your perspective about “leading him on”! That is something I have struggled with re: CDing — the idea being to date men for free therapy/practice. It seems there is a fine line there somewhere, and I feel good about the way you just clarified where that line is. Thanks! I don’t want to lead men on — I wouldn’t want them to do it to me!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:37pm

  431. 431: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 441: Lucy

    Glad I could help clarify that. There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with dating multiple men as long as expectations are WELL managed. And just going out on dates with many different men at the same time can be a very good learning experience for women. You learn as much about yourself as you learn about men in general. I would advise men to date a bunch of women for the same reason. It’s just good practice.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:43pm

  432. 432: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, I also love love love what you wrote about “a man with a mission.” That knowledge feels very important to me. I really DON’T want a man whose only goal in life is to call me, text me, be with me. I love that you wrote this!

    And then to add: “If you believe that he’s gonna leave you any minute, then it will make you feel anxiety. If you believe you’re part of that bigger mission, then your position is secure.”

    Mmmm. Yes! And, it seems, THAT part is not about HIM — what he is or isn’t doing/saying — but about ME (us women) — what we believe, how trusting and confident we are, how much we love ourselves, etc. What do you think?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:45pm

  433. 433: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Jason….yeah, I just signed up with WordPress…fun! But you can’t really trace comments here, there IS a 1000+ entry recent blog on Circular Dating that will entrance you or put you to sleep….or, you can just catch up on archived posts.

    No hard feelings, here, too, (wow, is that guy speak and I LOVE it!!) and I hope you see my point of view was NOT to word play you – it happened when another poster jumped in, ‘kay?..

    So, I noticed that in the spirit of welcoming you, I now have to ask, and Sirens, et. al. what do you think? ha ha ha…..okay, I am gonna word play and wonder what a male siren would be???? by definition I don’t think it’s possible but…..Poiseidon???

    Night to all,
    Jacqueline

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:47pm

  434. 434: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Jason, I have dated multiple men for about a year now, and I have learned SO much. My difficulty has come when several of them “fall in love” with me and ASSUME that I am only dating them and they project that I am falling in love with them just because I’m being so free and fun and “in the moment” with them. It sneaks up on me (some of them fall in love FAST!) — and then I feel really uncomfortable letting them know their assumptions were inaccurate. Sometimes they don’t even BELIEVE me when I tell them the truth! I am getting better at maneuvering this, though, and your words here tonight help a lot!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:51pm

  435. 435: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lol. I’m noticing that I LIKE when a man writes on here in “boy voice.”

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 8:57pm

  436. 436: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    #446-it feels congruent….and sounds authentic

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:00pm

  437. 437: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, oh wow. I feel… heart pounding, frozen in the head lights, jump up and down, point, point, point… don’t know the name for that emotion but…

    Post 445. Is that you and WH but in reverse?

    Oh gosh. Is that me reflecting because my typical role is being reversed with Mr. Fab Kisser?

    Ahhhhh!!! I feel nervous pointing this out. I don’t know how you’ll feel about this. But I can’t not point this out. That came flying out at me.

    Do you think it’s possible that God is doing this role reversal thing on both of us? Or am I only reflecting? And what is the message if that’s the case? If any of this resonates, I’d love to hear your take on the message. You’re much better at message-decoding than me.

    Wow I feel super uncomfortable.

    And why do I suddenly feel self conscious because there are boys on the board?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:02pm

  438. 438: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Renee, I’ve noticed that the twenty-somethings say stuff like that pretty regularly — “You know I’m not going to leave you on the market much longer” — and I’m not sure they even realize what they’re saying (or rather, how a woman will perceive it).

    To him, that may just mean an exclusive, short-lived fling.

    Regardless, I have an easier time shooting straight with the cougar guys because I honestly tell them I’m not interested in a serious relationship with a guy that’s almost as young as my kids — and there’s not really any way he can take that personally because he has absolutely no control over his age. :)

    That said, 26 is still after me — no matter what I say he doesn’t give up! Lol.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:03pm

  439. 439: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “#446-it feels congruent….and sounds authentic”

    Yes, Nikita! Very natural and “right.”

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:04pm

  440. 440: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Damn, I just got off three hours straight of HBR … we cleared out a MOUNTAIN of trauma … it was really fun … but now I am waaaaaaaay behind on posts here …

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:10pm

  441. 441: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, you are cracking me up! I love your voice. :)

    Okay, I feel interested in exploring this with you. I see a reversal in the fact that I “fell in love” with WH so fast. But I’m not sure about the rest of it….. I didn’t project on him that he was falling in love with me — just the opposite, actually, which is why I feel so sad. I would love to hear what else you are seeing…. as you jump up and down and point.. :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:11pm

  442. 442: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “And why do I suddenly feel self conscious because there are boys on the board?”

    Lol. That made me think of this: we were school shopping at Sears over the weekend, and my teenage son tried on clothes in the womens fitting room because he didn’t see the men’s fitting room and thought that one was for everybody. Lol. Poor kid!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:14pm

  443. 443: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline,

    Yes, your posts feel very defensive to me …

    I don’t see anyone else offering an answer to the problem I see voiced here over and over again … dissolving the neediness feelings … anyone else seeing a consistent method for dissolving the neediness? (I’m asking this sincerely.)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:14pm

  444. 444: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Well, I felt surprised when you described your difficulty. That was the first thing that got my attention. That’s not at all what I expected to read. I expected you to say that you have difficulty getting hung up on a particular guy and not being able to let go. My brain literally substituted your words like this…

    My difficulty has come when I “fall in love” with them … because I’m being so free and fun and “in the moment” with them. It sneaks up on me and maybe they feel really uncomfortable letting me know my assumptions were inaccurate. Sometimes I don’t even BELIEVE them when they tell me the truth!

    I still feel uncomfortable. My heart is burning.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:19pm

  445. 445: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Joan,

    Yeah, I noticed mild anxiety in myself during the silence. I sought reassurance once, and he gave it to me, very squarely.

    I now have two choices …

    I can choose trusting thoughts, which will lead me to feel peaceful inside and not build up resentment if he’s not communicating a lot …

    or I can choose fearful thoughts, which will begin a downward spiral from which the relationship is unlikely to recover …

    which choice feels better?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:19pm

  446. 446: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Jason,

    I was responding to Erika directly. I was referring to what I perceive as Erika’s distress over VG’s lack of contact, and her apparent need to disguise it as a game so that she can continue to claim some kind of Siren superiority.

    I wasn’t in any way referring to my situation, so no need for you to speculate. I didn’t realize she brought you over here to be her hired gun.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:21pm

  447. 447: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Joan,

    Speaking of disguises,

    “I was responding to Erika directly. I was referring to what I perceive as Erika’s distress over VG’s lack of contact, and her apparent need to disguise it as a game so that she can continue to claim some kind of Siren superiority.

    I wasn’t in any way referring to my situation, so no need for you to speculate. I didn’t realize she brought you over here to be her hired gun.”

    This feels like veiled anger and JEALOUSY.

    What say you?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:23pm

  448. 448: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I have thought about this a bit already…

    For a long time, every man I dated fell in love with me and I wasn’t into him.

    Then came three men where the feeling was mutual — we were both NOT into each other. (LOVE that!! THAT’S HOW I THINK IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE!!!!!! That way, nobody is hurt or pining. Hear that, God??? Just a suggestion….)

    And then along comes WH and I fall for him, fully expecting that he’s gonna be like the other guys who fell for ME. And SHOCKED that he isn’t! Whaaaat? How can this be??? I thought I had finally gotten it right! But, as you said, Shannon, it was the old switcheroo.

    But, I see a pattern here, and that means that the only thing left is meeting a guy and we BOTH FALL FOR EACH OTHER. I would like that next step to happen really soon.

    What do you think?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:24pm

  449. 449: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, SWOON! Yes, we BOTH FALL FOR EACH OTHER. Not “we” as in you and me cuz that would just be weird (LOL!), but I say YES to that. God had better be taking notes. ;-)

    YES, my heart just jumped for joy!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:30pm

  450. 450: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I feel intense fear on the board right now …

    I feel intrigued what that’s all about …

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:32pm

  451. 451: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, Erika….well, I do feel defensive if you’re way is the only way….and you yourself said you had heard me through a “filter” as asking you for FREE help. I’d already said money wasn’t my issue….but this feels exhausting. I just want this to be about Rori Raye’s tools, word and works. And Jason’s words should be Jason’s words regardless of who I was asking advice about – that sharp reply was expected, but it felt like a set up to me. I am not on her posting as neediness, or about neediness or seeing that Everyone has neediness and needs deep down to be fixed.

    Once again, tho….I don’t want to continue to discuss and/are argue…you post, I post we coexist and agree to disagree, okay?

    If it’s not I ask that YOU hold the space for me to have my feelings be valid and not “advise” as you requested for yourself,

    thanks!
    J

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:32pm

  452. 452: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I expected you to say that you have difficulty getting hung up on a particular guy and not being able to let go.”

    Oh, for sure, that is definitely my current problem . . . and was a problem with TN man as well. I was describing the OTHER problem I have had merely because of the discussion about leading guys on.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:33pm

  453. 453: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, are you doing that thing again where someone says something directly to you or about you, and you respond with how someone else besides you and you alone is feeling?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:35pm

  454. 454: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I dissolve neediness around men by having a firm POP.

    i don’t think there’s any easy way out of neediness. You have to actually create something fulfilling for yourself, and that takes commitment and consistency.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:37pm

  455. 455: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m hearing Janet Jackson…The Control Album
    ….”I wanna be the one, in control…..Controlllllll…..”.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:38pm

  456. 456: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea….hey, are you feeling better? Loved the step up with your live in…and I’ve so gotta get off of here, but wanted to see if your strength came back to you?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:38pm

  457. 457: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    I’ve said it before, but you’d need to ask my clients to know it’s true. I can feel other people’s feelings.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:38pm

  458. 458: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline,

    I am hearing your request to hold space, and I choose to honor your request to hold space.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:39pm

  459. 459: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I just spent 3 hours feeling other people’s feelings, with close to 100% accuracy ..

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:40pm

  460. 460: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “i don’t think there’s any easy way out of neediness. You have to actually create something fulfilling for yourself, and that takes commitment and consistency.”

    There is an easy way out of neediness, and that easy way is to release trauma energy out of the nervous system.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:41pm

  461. 461: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    jacqueline,
    LI = love interest.

    i am feeling sh*tty. :( really really sh*tty.

    but i feel cared for that u asked.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:43pm

  462. 462: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I can choose trusting thoughts….”

    Erika, I vote for choosing trusting thoughts.

    WH and I ended up having a text convo tonight, which was very nice and felt good. After awhile he said he was going to bed and would talk to me later.

    My first thought, after saying goodnight, was “I wonder if he’s really going to bed or just lied to me and is gonna get on the dating sites….”

    Which, of course, is none of my business (naturally he can get on the dating sites if he wants to, although I don’t feel good about anyone lying to me….)

    So, I was immediately gonna go check the sites!!!!

    Yeah, that would be leaning forward, etc., but more importantly to me at this point — it would mean that I was CHOOSING to NOT TRUST HIM.

    Wow. What a breakthrough moment! Erika, your voice was in my head, talking about TRUST and how crucial it is for a relationship to grow. Wow, I really got it in that moment!

    I chose trust instead of fear.

    Thanks, Erika. And yay me! :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:44pm

  463. 463: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh…..neediness….yuck.
    I am one of those people that does not need to be in touch everyday…..it begins to feel claustrophobic to me. But! If I am living with someone-of either sex; I enjoy being connected and feeling someone in the house, sharing responsibilities. I feel creative and inspired…. But I’m not a fan of being on the phone or whatever-I get the urge to pull away and regroup and yet my pulling away is about ME. I still feel connected in my heart to the other person and usually just as enchanted. I just need the mental space to miss them a little and sort myself out. If it’s constant virtual connection it feels like a chore to me and less of a dance…..

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:47pm

  464. 464: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    And I reciprocate, Erika. And invite you to discuss how to fill or erase neediness in general without EFT – like how would it feel? why is at the core of so much? if you didn’t have THIS tool, what tool would you use? do you feel needy? Do you believe you have erased this feeling? why is it preferabel to not be needy? Why is needy bad? what is better than needy? Is needed synonymous with vulnerability? that is scary but is it something that must be replaced, or can it just be? we do have needs, what do we do when we cannot get them met? if we have unmet needs are we somehow flawed by neediness? etc…..but my filter is I can only “hear” you if you are answering the questions in your voice without the tools and or expertise.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:49pm

  465. 465: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune,

    RE: #420 – You said, “where is brenda?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    i’m afraid we scared her off….

    (((( BRENDA ))))”

    Thank you! No, I don’t scare that easily! Actually, I really miss the blog but I am way backlogged on my life! I am trying to break my addiction to the blog, at least somewhat!

    I’m trying to be more responsible with my life as well as to take Rori’s advice to me last week. She said to stop being so analytical and get out there and live. I really like it on the blog, especially with other relationship coaches and men here, to have a different perspective!!! Just a busy girl, that’s all!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:51pm

  466. 466: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Dorothea…well a good night’s sleep oughtta help….happy tomorrow and good nite to all…..

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:51pm

  467. 467: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    I respect that you finally admitted to anxiety about VG’s lack of contact, but why did it take so many posts across multiple threads for you to finally get around to mentioning it? It seems that you only got authentic about it when you were called on it.

    There’s nothing veiled in my response to Jason. I don’t appreciate hired guns. If that’s what you need, then I certainly do not feel jealous.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:53pm

  468. 468: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “What say you?”

    I love that part in Lord of the Rings where Aragorn gives his rallying speech and ends with “What say you?” Yeah!

    For awhile, my kids were always saying, “Mum, why don’t you marry Viggo Mortenson? He’s perfect for you!”

    Lol. Yum!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:53pm

  469. 469: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    night jacqueline. sweet dreams

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:56pm

  470. 470: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    @Joan, you are full of shit about your own feelings and that is why you are accusing me. Mirror.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:56pm

  471. 471: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    @Jacqueline,

    “– like how would it feel? why is at the core of so much? if you didn’t have THIS tool, what tool would you use? do you feel needy? Do you believe you have erased this feeling? why is it preferabel to not be needy? Why is needy bad? what is better than needy? Is needed synonymous with vulnerability? that is scary but is it something that must be replaced, or can it just be? we do have needs, what do we do when we cannot get them met? if we have unmet needs are we somehow flawed by neediness? etc…..but my filter is I can only “hear” you if you are answering the questions in your voice without the tools and or expertise.”

    Ok, right here in the rapid fire of questions I feel fear energy … do you feel that?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:57pm

  472. 472: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Heart racing, pitter patter. Tingly numbness. This is what fear feels like.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:59pm

  473. 473: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    why is erika cussing at sirens?

    did i miss something?

    i went to a class for 3 hours

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:59pm

  474. 474: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    “Lucy, SWOON! Yes, we BOTH FALL FOR EACH OTHER. Not “we” as in you and me cuz that would just be weird (LOL!), but I say YES to that. God had better be taking notes.

    YES, my heart just jumped for joy!”

    Yes, see how easy it would be, God? ;)

    And I am in love with you, Shannon. Lol. In a sister sort of way. :D

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 9:59pm

  475. 475: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, Dorothea, I don’t know if it’s intentional on your part — is it? — but I like your sense of humor …

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:00pm

  476. 476: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Ya’ll be trippin. Seriously. Pick, pick, pick, pick. I like the wallpaper we have up around here already, k? I’m not changing it again. So stop the hell with the picking. Don’t you know that *I* have to have the last word? Like dang birds picking at the bone. There’s no meat left. Friggle frack. I feel irritated (said in my finest opera voice).

    Dorothea: Ahhh… POP! You’re channeling Brenda. <3 And I TOTALLY agree with 465. I'm sorry you feel shitty. (((HUGS)))

    Lucy: LOL! Oops. Gotcha, but glad I read it wrong. :-)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:01pm

  477. 477: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 443: Lucy says:

    [Lucy]
    Jason, I also love love love what you wrote about “a man with a mission.” That knowledge feels very important to me. I really DON’T want a man whose only goal in life is to call me, text me, be with me. I love that you wrote this!

    And then to add: “If you believe that he’s gonna leave you any minute, then it will make you feel anxiety. If you believe you’re part of that bigger mission, then your position is secure.”

    Mmmm. Yes! And, it seems, THAT part is not about HIM — what he is or isn’t doing/saying — but about ME (us women) — what we believe, how trusting and confident we are, how much we love ourselves, etc. What do you think?

    [Me]
    I agree with you. If you are grounded in your femininity, you can trust yourself to know if you should be with him or not.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:04pm

  478. 478: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I apologize for cussing. Next time I’ll say “sh*t”

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:04pm

  479. 479: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, I like these questions: “Why is needy bad? what is better than needy? Is needed synonymous with vulnerability? that is scary but is it something that must be replaced, or can it just be? we do have needs, what do we do when we cannot get them met? if we have unmet needs are we somehow flawed by neediness?”

    I have answered some of them for myself — at least partially — but the questions themselves feel intriguing and powerful.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:06pm

  480. 480: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    There’s the easy way to learn things and the hard way. Sadly, I learned the hard way…about men, about loneliness..

    You don’t know what IS till you know what AIN’T.

    And that’s a deep statement if you think about it (coined by Burt Rosenberg, to give it proper credit). I know what ain’t. I’ve spent too much time with the liars, cheaters, users, addicts, and the list goes on. And, I spent even more time alone and lonely, too scared to venture into the scary world of people.

    For most of my adult life, my idea of a social life was to write letters, journals, watch TV and movies, and play with my dogs and talk with God.

    That stuff all has its place, but what my counselor told me in 1990 is true…God designed us to need people, and we need in-the-flesh people with whom to relate: talking eye-to-eye, laughing together, touching, hugging…

    I am weary of being lonely and alone. I enjoy being alone, and that has its place, too. I refuel and regroup during those times. But I deeply desire intimacy, as deeply as I am able to go with another person, just one man. I believe the risk is worth it, because….

    I know what AIN’T.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:06pm

  481. 481: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Brenda! I love you! I’m working my way down this thread — it’s taking forever….

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:08pm

  482. 482: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lucy loves me! Yeah! The feeling is completely mutual. In a sister kind of way. I have a big goofy grin on my face. Thank you!

    Ok, now I’m going to bed. Ya’ll lock up before you leave.

    Tootles, Shannon

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:10pm

  483. 483: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I respect that you finally admitted to anxiety about VG’s lack of contact, but why did it take so many posts across multiple threads for you to finally get around to mentioning it?”

    I feel weird and confused reading that. I thought Erika expressed this openly right from the beginning. Did you, Erika? Or am I just good at picking up what you’re feeling? :D Lol.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:11pm

  484. 484: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Fear energy just relaxed quite a bit. I liked Jacqueline’s questions. They felt like deep questions.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:12pm

  485. 485: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Fear energy just went back up a notch.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:13pm

  486. 486: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    How is Jason a hired gun? I don’t get it. I thought we were all here to love and support and help each other, including Jason with his care for Erika. We all offer that kind of support at times — is it different because he’s a man?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:14pm

  487. 487: joanNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    You’re full of crap.

    Dorothea,

    Erika is cussing at me because I’ve read between her lines.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:18pm

  488. 488: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Um, it occurred to that Erika is/was Jason’s hired gun :)
    I mean, he did mention that he worked with her……

    I have a little proofreading geek living inside of me :)
    I love my geek.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:18pm

  489. 489: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    yay i just got a message. not the kind on your phone or computer but a “what’s-the-message?” message.

    i feel really good about asking that question when a situation feels “bad” to me. I find that in the end the message has to do with me or how i feel or the true reason i feel bad in the situation (that has nothing do with the current situation triggered me or the people involved if there are people involved). It’s pretty cool to go from “this feels irritating and bad” to relatively peaceful in one basic step.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:18pm

  490. 490: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, RE: #487 – You said, “Dorothea: Ahhh… POP! You’re channeling Brenda. <3 And I TOTALLY agree with 465."

    Huh? Did I miss something? What do you mean?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:19pm

  491. 491: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    -occurred to me….sigh, I feel compelled to correct myself ;)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:19pm

  492. 492: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    #457 and #478 joan

    “I didn’t realize she brought you over here to be her hired gun.”

    Hired gun? You make me laugh. I wish I were getting paid to respond to your false accusation. Hanging out here has been a blast for me. Isn’t it fun for you too?

    Nevertheless, if my response was out of turn, I don’t have a problem with that. If it was irrelevant or off the mark, I stand corrected.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:20pm

  493. 493: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ” Shestayed with her feelings, didn’t try to hide her
    tears, and just looked at him without turning her
    face away, or closing up.”

    I want to practice this, looking at him without turning my face away, or closing up.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:22pm

  494. 494: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lucy,

    Thank you! I love you too! It is after 1 am! Why are we on the blog? Because it’s addicting!!!

    Erika, I like your style!!!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:23pm

  495. 495: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    In the interest of full disclosure again, Erika has trained me in her methods and coached me extensively. She is my friend and mentor.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:23pm

  496. 496: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Daria,

    What did you quote that from? That is beautiful! I have become like that, with the right person. And I feel so touched when Kenny looks deeply in my eyes with tears in his and tells me how deeply he loves me and why. He is a mature, masculine man who isn’t scared of any of this stuff we discuss here.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:25pm

  497. 497: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline,

    Taking questions one at a time …

    “And invite you to discuss how to fill or erase neediness in general without EFT – like how would it feel?”

    Thank you for the invitation.

    I don’t recommend filling or erasing neediness without using EFT because, from my experience, and I was so desperate that I tried virtually everything I could get my hands on … EFT works way faster and is way more thorough when used by someone who knows what they are doing than ANYTHING else.

    (Now, it could be that there is something out there I haven’t tried, but nobody has brought it to my attention.)

    That said, my system is not just EFT. It is a combination of EFT, non-violent communication (empathy), and fundamental, holistic belief system transformation. What I learned, I learned from dozens of coaches and healers, including Rori being an important one of them.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:26pm

  498. 498: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jason,

    I think it’s so cool that you’re on the blog here!! I like hearing a man’s perspective on all this! I like it when men are open to discussing emotions and relationships!!!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:27pm

  499. 499: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Just being on this blog and making friends with so many of you has filled a big spot inside that has relieved a lot of my loneliness. I appreciate the intimacy here, and it would be really fantastic if we could all meet and talk in the same room!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:30pm

  500. 500: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    #509 Brenda

    Thanks, Brenda.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:31pm

  501. 501: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria!!!!!!

    Omg! I was just asking myself where is Daria? Maybe she’s on a vacation manventure :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:32pm

  502. 502: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I remember when boys were on the board before/ some of the girl energy changed here but I get the feeling Jason is going to be able to hold space for any wily shenanigans-

    I feel very excited to see what happens next :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:34pm

  503. 503: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jason re:#506… Does that mean I could do HBR with YOU? That might be cool, to do it with a guy (no pun intended, lol). Might be scarier, though…. And, I do like Erika. :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:35pm

  504. 504: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy wants to do it with a guy!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:37pm

  505. 505: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    @ jacqueline (spelled your name right this time!)

    no,… no problem i just felt like i was being too silly for the conversation that was taking place… that’s all… everybody held space with me, or at least tolerated me, when i was working through my stuff, i didn’t want to devalue anyone elses processes…. but i just couldn’t get out of the *silly* vibe i had goin on…

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:39pm

  506. 506: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    #504,

    That is my understanding of intimacy and it feels scary liberating roller coaster heart brain screaming soul electrifying spirit purifying……..yum yum like.

    Yeah, that is so a feeling message…….what run-on sentence?…….that is a feeling message !!! Lol! ;)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:39pm

  507. 507: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, Daria, I was missing you, too. But I thought maybe you were busy on the newer thread… I’ll have to check that out next.

    Brenda, let’s get together again soon! My older two are going back to college this week, so my time will be more freed up soon. What do you think?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:40pm

  508. 508: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,
    I’d do it with a guy ;)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:41pm

  509. 509: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Haha, Brenda, yes, I do!!! Not sure if I wanna do it with Jason, though, he looks kinda like a flower (just like me!) Lol.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:42pm

  510. 510: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    #507- Brenda,

    That was from an email rori sent

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:44pm

  511. 511: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I believe Jason has a gift and a calling to help women. It’s because of Jason that my 15-week Miracle course came into being.

    A lot of what Jason had to say on here today felt very powerful and spot on to me. And it felt refreshing to hear it in a man’s voice.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:44pm

  512. 512: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    but anyway, had to jump back over here and share this that the 22 year old wrote back:

    “yeah, but age is just a number I would really like it if you gave me a chance I am different the nmost guys my age”
    i didn’t answer, then later he wrote again
    “I am different because I would push your chair in for you, open doors for you and treat you like the queen you are”

    ….i thought, oh yeh you’ve got that right!…

    i want to have fun with this and learn, no

    i will have fun with this and learn about the most fascinating thing …. M E N. mmmmmen :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:45pm

  513. 513: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    You’re gonna hurt Jason’s feelings! Jason, are you a flower?

    Lucy, that would be great! I have another gift certificate for that place, unless you wanna try some place new…my treat!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:46pm

  514. 514: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita –

    indeed ive been on a manventure at a man’s house for the past two days.

    hes a sovereign rastah and i was feeling connected, happy, awed, peaceful

    the energy at his house feels so good i feel like i just got back from meditating

    im feeling a bit insecure that i can keep him feeling attracted – thoughts. love to my nvs’

    he can really feel energy clearly

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:47pm

  515. 515: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oh yes,

    lllllllllllooooove Jason’s strong kind masculine voice…

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:47pm

  516. 516: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    he’s only 19. we really are excited to learn from each other on ”everything’ we know about tehw world, but i feel worried that

    i don’t want to try to replace emotional connection with spiritual, mental

    i feel afraid

    its up to him

    lots of open speace

    he doesn’t seem to have it 100 with leading yet, but he seems to want to

    he said so

    and that he would need help to know how to make me happy

    his solution was hugs

    his hugs feel good

    i wonder what his kisses will feel like?

    this time he did NOT try to sleep with me, just held me all nite

    i felt good

    comparing with other men, there are some things he can do to be more attentive… gentleman like etc

    i feel curious to see!

    i feel calm and my deep energy feels rested from being there with him

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:50pm

  517. 517: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Responding to more of Jacqueline’s questions:

    “why is [EFT] at the core of so much? if you didn’t have THIS tool, what tool would you use?”

    It’s at the core of so much because of how fast it works. All it is, really, is emotional acupressure. Have you ever had an acupuncture session and noticed how good it feels? It feels wonderful for most people, but the problem with acupuncture is it is not possible to tailor it specifically to change people’s belief systems. And it’s not “portable.” I can’t teach people acupuncture that they can put in their purse and apply whenever fear or anger comes up …

    If I didn’t have EFT (God forbid), I’d use other ways of attaining pure presence, including NVC, meditation, etc. Those are powerful tools also — just far less powerful for dissolving core trauma energy than EFT. But you see … I’m already also using those things. HBR is HOLISTIC — it is an entire system. It is not just EFT.

    The reason I can drop into instant empathy with any man, anywhere, and have an instant heart connection with him is because of dissolving the trauma energy out of my body. The trauma energy interferes with connection. When the trauma energy is gone, connection feels natural and safe.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:50pm

  518. 518: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, his picture next to his name, it’s a flower. :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:51pm

  519. 519: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Thx for sharing. My intuition loves confirmation :)
    I have faith you’re going to keep blossoming regardless of the NVs and insecure feelings.

    Wink

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:51pm

  520. 520: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    um.. i started sparring with him, we play boxed hehe

    i feel worried to not be a “buddy”

    i can box and STILL be a gift and fern and Goddess

    mmm

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:51pm

  521. 521: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune, May I have the 22 year old? He sounds really nice!

    Nikita, thanks, yeah, I am all about showing my emotions and busting society’s norms about what’s taboo or not…

    We are taught all our lives that it’s not okay to show our emotions, be they positive or negative.

    Once I shared a poem I wrote in a group at church, and I cried openly while I read it, because it came from my heart of hearts. Afterwards, a woman told me, “You shouldn’t share that stuff in public.”

    I felt really hurt. It wasn’t until years later that I realized she was the one with hang-ups of showing emotions.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:51pm

  522. 522: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m open to meeting wherever, Brenda. Matters not. It’s the company that counts. :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:52pm

  523. 523: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    If Erika was Jason’s gun and he pulled the trigger I bet a flower would come out….followed by water…..followed a little flag that said……….mmmmm……would it say bang?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:53pm

  524. 524: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    he had contacted me on myspace about 6 months ago, if not more, he stood out to me, i listened to his songs, i never do that, i even listened to them more than once!

    but he never wrote me more, till now all of a sudden, and we connected on the phone!

    and now in person!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:53pm

  525. 525: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Or would it say drink?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:53pm

  526. 526: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Boxing is sexy! I think rough housing is a great way to flirt! It’s one of my favorite ways to flirt!

    That’s why I told Bill I like to fight with boys and offered for him to pin me to the floor! :-)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:53pm

  527. 527: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I got that about the flower next to his name. It reminds me of the Bambi story, where Bambi calls the skunk, “Flower”. Hehehe!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:54pm

  528. 528: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    It would say tap!!!!!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:56pm

  529. 529: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I ate clown for dinner :(

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:56pm

  530. 530: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, you sound wonderful!

    When I read about you and this 19 y o, what you described, it makes me think of my son (20) and his gf (19). They have been together over a year and are planning to get married when they graduate college. Their relationship is beautiful and amazing — they are finding their way in life together, learning from each other. And, she’d play-box him one minute and be scooped up in his arms the next. :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:57pm

  531. 531: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita,

    That’s funny! Or would it say, “Flower Power!” Jason, what do you think? :-)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 10:59pm

  532. 532: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah… i felt a lil “fuzzy vibe” from him about our age thing,

    and i made it clear that i expect a man to lead

    he came to his own conclusion that “age is irrelevant” and the vibe has felt cool since.

    i feel like he’s a man now

    i feel pleased with this

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:00pm

  533. 533: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel confused about what “connecting emotionally”

    FEELS like? for me?

    do i have to “worry” about this? are we conencting emotionally ?

    i feel unsure

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:03pm

  534. 534: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    514: Lucy says:

    > Jason re:#506… Does that mean I could do HBR
    > with YOU? That might be cool, to do it with a guy
    > (no pun intended, lol). Might be scarier, though….
    > And, I do like Erika.

    You could, but my training is not complete. Erika’s the master and creator of HBR. I’m well versed in other coaching techniques, though.

    524: Brenda says:

    > Lucy,
    >
    > You’re gonna hurt Jason’s feelings! Jason, are you a > flower?

    [Cue cheesy 70's funk, disco ball, polyester]
    Naw, I’m the bee, baby, coming for your sweet nectar. Aw, yeah…

    526: janjune says:

    > oh yes,
    > lllllllllllooooove Jason’s strong kind masculine
    > voice…

    Thank you.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:03pm

  535. 535: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I wrote Balto to school him after I didn’t hear back from him after our good date:

    “Hello Balto,

    I feel weird and kind of misunderstood about everything. I will feel more comfortable clearing the air from my end, even tho I feel bad you didn’t return my call.

    If I understand correctly, you were left feeling rejected when I didn’t want to have physical affection. I wasn’t rejecting you. I was doing my best to not rush into anything. I would have felt like we were in a committed relationship if we had done all that, and I don’t want to commit myself to someone I just met.

    A long time ago, in the early 90′s, I watched my friend’s 3 year old playing with Barbie and Ken dolls. She sat on the floor having the dolls kiss and hug, and she said, “She love him! He love her!” I thought, “Yeah, that’s how it should be, just that simple.” I tried to fulfill that model of simple, unconditional, accepting love for years.

    I got involved with all sorts of really unhealthy men: alcoholics, drug addicts, inmates, liars, users, and the list goes on. I had a mixed up view of relationships and of unconditional love. I was hurt really bad and gave my best years to men who did not deserve my love at that sacred level.

    I have been working on healing, and I have decided, as I told you at the restaurant, that I want to develop a relationship more gradually, to not rush into anything. Even with all that aside, I feel weird kissing and holding hands with someone I just met. To me, it’s an expression of love, and there has been no real relationship and love built yet. It seems like a high school model of romance to me, where romance is just about physical and emotional affection.

    I want much, much more than that. I want a deep love that’s built over time only thru deep sharing. I believe a relationship comes together first on a spiritual, then intellectual, then emotional, and last, a physical level. If any one of those is skipped, I believe the relationship will ultimately short-circuit.

    I’ve done it all wrong in the past, and I am weary of being hurt. I was just trying to do it right. I was hoping you would get to know me enough to be on my wavelength before trying to plunge into love when love’s not really there.

    What do you think?”

    Then he wrote back:

    “Hi Brenda
    No… I really had no hard feelings because you didn’t want a kiss… Maybe I did expect more in the way of hugs… but that’s ok…

    It seems like you have a very ‘sterile’ view of how things are ‘supposed to’ come to be in relationships… and it also seems like you really haven’t changed at all since the opinions you formed over the ‘Barb and Ken’ dolls… All you really did was ‘switch things round’…

    This is LIFE Brenda… it doesn’t fit in neat little packages… and you can’t put one part in order with another part… It NEVER works that way! No matter if you try to just instantly ‘be in love’ like the barb and ken model… Nor if you try to put things in order so that they fall in a certain ‘timeline’ that you think should work…

    Life is life… and it’s messy… and chaotic… and sometimes it’s nasty… and things NEVER EVER EVER go in order! Ever! *sigh*…. High aspiration you have… but I think VERY unrealistic… and again, setting yourself up for failure….

    Um… why not…. (just a suggestion…) throw the orders and models and timelines and ALL Pre conceived Notions Out The Window!…. and do… what feels natural… Well… to a point anyway… I don’t mean ‘jump into it’ like you did years ago… but Use your Head! Make sure that, at least Somewhat… the person you’re involved with fits who you Really are Looking for… (And have VERY VERY VERY Clear cut ideas of what this is and why!) and beyond that… let chips fall where they may? Brenda… there really is no ‘doing it right’… There’s only results… and they always vary…”

    I’m not sure what to think. He doesn’t get it. I don’t want a man hanging all over me when I don’t know him. Any feelings on this?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:04pm

  536. 536: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Daria, it feels good to hear from you :)

    Brenda,

    “Nikita, thanks, yeah, I am all about showing my emotions and busting society’s norms about what’s taboo or not…

    We are taught all our lives that it’s not okay to show our emotions, be they positive or negative.

    Once I shared a poem I wrote in a group at church, and I cried openly while I read it, because it came from my heart of hearts. Afterwards, a woman told me, “You shouldn’t share that stuff in public.”

    I felt really hurt. It wasn’t until years later that I realized she was the one with hang-ups of showing emotions.”

    Wow, this resonates so much. It also touches a pain in me, a memory of being at church with my mom. It was a huge church, hundreds of people, and they read anonymous prayers out loud. My parents were fighting a lot, and I submitted a prayer “for my parents to stop fighting.” My mom figured out that one was from me and yelled at me for “exposing” the family.

    Sigh.

    What’s miraculous now though is the realization that it was MY guilt that attracted that angry response from her. And I have discovered that erasing my guilt in any situation will erase other people’s anger …

    trippy huh? And this is why I call it Jedi mind training … the Force can be with us at all times :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:04pm

  537. 537: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    he wants to go to Brazil with me

    he wants to know me for life and have me be his wife

    he hasn’t kissed me yet

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:05pm

  538. 538: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda –

    I feel awestruck by what he wrote. It sounds like SPOT ON dating advice from a male dating coach. Drat. his voice reminds me of Evan Katz’s

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:07pm

  539. 539: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh, Jason!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:08pm

  540. 540: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Erika – cool! it feels good to read that from you.

    Thank you for mentioning the erasing guilt thing again… to decrease anger from external sources.

    i feel inspired to do some of this tonite

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:10pm

  541. 541: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “[Cue cheesy 70's funk, disco ball, polyester]
    Naw, I’m the bee, baby, coming for your sweet nectar. Aw, yeah…”

    Uh-oh, now Jason’s turning me on! Lol.

    I feel embarrassed, cuz I’m completely telling the truth. *blushing*

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:12pm

  542. 542: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Make sure that, at least Somewhat… the person you’re involved with fits who you Really are Looking for… (And have VERY VERY VERY Clear cut ideas of what this is and why!) and beyond that… let chips fall where they may”

    I feel inspired by this… to me this is another way of saying make sure to have boundaries, and choose a man that you feel good around… and Be Surprised on the rest

    what an insightful advice from a man… i feel confused and intrigued!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:13pm

  543. 543: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, RE: #547 –

    Thank you! Interesting concept about erasing guilt and losing someone’s anger. Hmmm. Not sure I get that, but it makes sense.

    I think cuz of all I’ve been thru, shame and guilt tend to be my default state. So I tend to be real open with my feelings, cuz shame doesn’t scare me anymore. I think most people can’t handle that. They all have an image to uphold.

    I don’t worship my reputation. The Jones’s can do whatever the hell they want. I’m me. I don’t care who I impress outside of God and my loved ones.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:15pm

  544. 544: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry if I’m triggering you Brenda. by admiring his response

    I do not mean that this really has any effect on what you felt, or that he may not indeed be makin you feel good around him….

    I might feel slightly triggered by it addressed to me,

    reading it in 3rd person though i feel awestrock by how much my interpretation of his advice resonates with my understanding of Rori’s materials

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:15pm

  545. 545: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “yeah, but age is just a number I would really like it if you gave me a chance I am different the nmost guys my age”

    Janjune, in my experience, that’s what ALL the twenty-somethings say. I think it’s in their cougar handbook or something. ;)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:18pm

  546. 546: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol-sweet nectar!!!!!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:20pm

  547. 547: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I appreciate your feedback on Balto’s words. You are right, it is valuable. I just don’t like a man hanging all over me when I don’t know him or have feelings for him yet. Like with Bill, I’ve known him since December, and he hasn’t touched me yet, other than the one time we shook hands when we met! When he finally does, it will feel electric!

    Why? Cuz that sexual tension has built! That’s what’s missing with Balto. So I am left feeling like he is insensitive to me.

    I really savor sexual tension, like eating cheesecake so slowly you feel like you can’t wait for the next bite!

    How you feel about that, yo?

    BTW, 19 sounds VERY romantic and I love his priorities of getting to know you before he slurps all over you!! Doesn’t it make ya feel valued? Like wow, here’s a man who gets it that I have a heart, mind, and spirit!! There’s something more here than two tits and a pussy!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:20pm

  548. 548: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    You really helped me to see the value and truth of what he wrote. I really am trying to shake myself out of my narrow perspectives, to see things thru others’ eyes. I mean, that’s why I posted it. I didn’t want to be negative on him, and now I feel well-equipped to give him a balanced response.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:24pm

  549. 549: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    If Jason’s open to it, though, you could do a session with both of us. I’ve done that before, with a new person and someone I’m mentoring on the same call. I’ve also done a session with Daria in the room.

    And what’s cool is the third person will often pick up even more intuitions, as Daria did that day, which can be even more powerful.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:26pm

  550. 550: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, I love it that you are here but I must say your posts feel like endless streams of self-promotion. Why do you have to be so “self-centered” all the time? Like someone said on your facebook page: “You’re always selling.”

    I found it hilarious but I understand why she said so. LOL…

    Sure coaches need to sell because it’s their livelihoods (Rori, Evan and I do that too…just being honest here), but there is a fine line between soft-selling and offering useful insights/ perspectives so people get a hang of your expertise/faith in the efficacy of your own methods and endless how-great-I-am kinda talks. It gets old real quick and I don’t blame other sirens started to react negatively at you again even when they’d been trying to be more welcoming and changing their “reactive, defensive and prejudiced” approach with you like displayed at the beginning of this thread.

    It’s just an honest feedback for you, please don’t take it the wrong way. :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:30pm

  551. 551: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “If Jason’s open to it, though, you could do a session with both of us.”

    Lol, that’s almost exactly what TN man said to me about him and interloper girl — ‘cept he wasn’t talking about HBR.

    But seriously, Erika, that might be really cool!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:31pm

  552. 552: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Katarina. “….but I must say your posts feel like endless streams of self-promotion. Why do you have to be so “self-centered” all the time?”

    Erika’s posts don’t feel that way to me. And I don’t perceive her as self-centered. I feel her heart.

    So…perhaps it is a mirror or projection or trigger for you?

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:35pm

  553. 553: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy! Haha:)

    Nite….

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:36pm

  554. 554: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes…….
    What’s the voice cats make when they’re hissing?
    Kitty vampire scream……fangs included ;)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:38pm

  555. 555: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Gnite, Nikita! Sweet dreams! I absolutely should have been in bed hours ago!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:39pm

  556. 556: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    lucy–

    so comical!!!! —the “yeah, but age is just a number I would really like it if you gave me a chance I am different the nmost guys my age.”
    i wonder what he thinks he has to offer………
    ah now,…dont you say it!!

    still it is so cute, seeing them trying out their lines, trying to be swave and deboner… :) suave and debonnaire, tryin ta be a playa, with the laaaadieeez…

    it’s fun and funny and comical and sweet and silly all in one –probably gettin’ his practice in just like we are!

    but i know he could feel my goddess vibe through the monitor—i *know* that’s true….

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:40pm

  557. 557: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    560: Erika Awakening
    562: Lucy

    I’m ready for a joint session whenever you are.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:41pm

  558. 558: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    @Katarina,

    I hear judgment, and I remind myself, “There can be no case against a child of God, and every witness to guilt in God’s creations is bearing false witness.” That includes me. There can be no case against me. Period.

    I don’t hear you expressing your authentic feelings, and I am open to hearing them.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:43pm

  559. 559: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune,

    “but i know he could feel my goddess vibe through the monitor—i *know* that’s true….”

    I agree!

    And those guys ARE so fun and cute and funny and sweet! “Trying out their lines” lol. I’ve had some really great convos with them — my faves were with a 20 year-old! He was like, “Do I get credit for trying? I’m trying everything I can think of here!”

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:44pm

  560. 560: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “but i know he could feel my goddess vibe through the monitor—i *know* that’s true….”

    I agree!

    Janjune, I’m with Lucy. Guys can feel our vibe even when we are not communicating with them. That’s why they contact us after we “give up” on them. Because our fear dissolves and is no longer blocking the communication …

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:47pm

  561. 561: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina,

    I feel offended when I hear harshing on Erika. I hear her sharing her passion. This stuff is her life. She is just speaking from her spirit, mind, and heart.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:48pm

  562. 562: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so good in the absence of judgment — mine and others’.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:48pm

  563. 563: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,

    Balto is very insightful. I think he’s pretty clear on feminine courtship strategy, actually. Set your values and boundaries and see which men match with them.

    But if you’re afraid of getting hurt, I understand. Don’t let him rush you into anything you don’t want to do. That being said, if he sticks around and shows some commitment toward you, don’t wait too long to let yourself open up to him. None of us can hold ourselves open for very long waiting for another to open up and make the connection.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:51pm

  564. 564: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Nah, Lucy I have actually been observing and restraining my assessment (or judgment if you like) for a while. It’s just her style, I know, but it does feel that way to perhaps a lot of people whether or not she realizes or intends it.

    I know she’s a confident woman, but in every other sentence I have to read how great and revolutionary her method is. It probably is, I can’t tell, but I’m just relaying what I feel that might also be felt by others who feel like that they are attending an infomercial seminar. :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:51pm

  565. 565: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    brenda,

    it feels good to hear your voice!
    but i know what you mean about having to get off this blog and get something else done.

    it’s just so much fun listening to everyone and learning and sharing with each other…. even if we’re fighting sometimes.

    i felt worried you’d taken your two purple balloons with the white flowers on them that Jacqueline gave you and drifted away… :)

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:52pm

  566. 566: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Okay folks, it’s 3 am in Pennsylvania. That puts me in the category of compulsive behavior and being irresponsible and undisciplined. So much for arriving at 7:30 am at work tomorrow.

    Good night! It feels great to be free of emotional damage and pain!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:53pm

  567. 567: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad. I feel moved. I feel touched. I feel supported.

    I feel like playing in a field of non-judgment for the rest of eternity, and bringing the rest of the world to play with us …

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:54pm

  568. 568: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I’m joining Brenda in saying good night

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:54pm

  569. 569: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason,

    Wise words. Thank you! I am just going to get on the same page as him. I think what was going on during our single date is he saw what he wanted and went for it. Me? I was feeling not so sure, because he is super sized and in seriously poor health and on disability. If I had followed his lead, he would have been my committed boyfriend by the end of the night.

    I am circular dating, and so all that was part of the dynamic, too, in addition to wanting to talk not just grope.

    But I value what you say.

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:57pm

  570. 570: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune, thank you for your sweetness!

    Monday, 23 August 2010 @ 11:58pm

  571. 571: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    The interesting thing, Katarina, is that my feelings around you are similar to what you feel around Erika — but I’m accepting that my feelings are coming from my own stuff, and aren’t really about you — with that perspective, I can heal. I feel good about seeing life this way.

    IMO, judgments are never helpful — not to the one being judged nor to the one doing the judging.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:00am

  572. 572: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Goodnight, Brenda! Glad to hear you sounding so good! <3

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:01am

  573. 573: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    I join you in playing in nonjudgment. I left that in the past, along with yelling and criticism.

    You cannot take me back to Egypt! I am free!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:02am

  574. 574: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    lucy and erika

    i actually *do* think they can feel our vibe through the monitor too…. even though i believe he was “just practicing”… i believe he knew he was practicing on a goddess.

    i gotta go to sleep!!!!!! zzzzzzzzzz z z z

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:02am

  575. 575: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Goodnight, Erika. <3

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:03am

  576. 576: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Lucy! I sent you a text about eating out…

    God night!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:03am

  577. 577: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune,

    I forget how old I am…

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:04am

  578. 578: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like we just turned out the lights at the slumber party.

    g’night

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:06am

  579. 579: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,

    From your clarification, sounds like he was trying to lock you in and he’s not exactly what you’re looking for. I got that impression from what he wrote but I didn’t know for sure. Keep on dating!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:07am

  580. 580: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I’m glad you’re being honest about your own stuff. I don’t feel annoyed or anything saying this. I have no motive other than voicing my feeling intrigued by her style. I will still read her posts and enjoy them. I’m just giving her a feedback but if it is not accepted, I’m okay with that too. No ill-feelings.

    It’s like giving a feedback on a brochure written by someone, you know. Will it convey the intended messages or, in fact, repel the readers away from them?

    Don’t you want to know if you are the writer of such brochures?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:17am

  581. 581: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    p.s. I hear Katarina feeling annoyed and disconnected. I hear her telling herself a story without stepping back and seeing that it is in fact just a story. I feel a stab of anger. I feel unheard and unseen by Katarina’s story that she is telling herself … now I really am signing off

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:21am

  582. 582: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “Lucy, I’m glad you’re being honest about your own stuff. I don’t feel annoyed or anything saying this. I have no motive other than voicing my feeling intrigued by her style. I will still read her posts and enjoy them. I’m just giving her a feedback but if it is not accepted, I’m okay with that too. No ill-feelings.

    It’s like giving a feedback on a brochure written by someone, you know. Will it convey the intended messages or, in fact, repel the readers away from them?

    Don’t you want to know if you are the writer of such brochures?”

    This feels like veiled anger and disconnection from authentic feelings. This feels like bullsh*t (as in not authentic at all).

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:28am

  583. 583: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “Lucy, I’m glad you’re being honest about your own stuff. I don’t feel annoyed or anything saying this. I have no motive other than voicing my feeling intrigued by her style. I will still read her posts and enjoy them. I’m just giving her a feedback but if it is not accepted, I’m okay with that too. No ill-feelings.

    It’s like giving a feedback on a brochure written by someone, you know. Will it convey the intended messages or, in fact, repel the readers away from them?

    Don’t you want to know if you are the writer of such brochures?”

    This feels up in the head, disconnected, not real. This feels like judgment. It feels like fear and anger disguised as something else.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:31am

  584. 584: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, I feel amused that you’ve been telling people how they feel left and right as if you really know it for a fact. And you’ve been claiming of some sort of guru in the “emotions reading” department and how you heal people through your work.

    I’m sad to say though, you’re absolutely wrong in this case. Not everyone who is not enamored by your style is motivated by jealousy or anger. I have no reason to be angry at you…or jealous for that matter. We’re offering different stuff (even if we were offering the same stuff, there is really no reason to be jealous).

    I said I loved reading your posts and I do think your contribution here brings so much more color to this blog.

    Take it as it’s worth. You can take it as an input that can improve your business or you can scorn me for being honest. Your choice.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:36am

  585. 585: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    You are thinking, not feeling, that’s why it feels incongruent and inauthentic. And it still feels like anger, even if you put a smiley face on it. Feelings don’t lie.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:41am

  586. 586: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I’m open to your feedback, Katarina … right now though I am not able to hear your authentic feedback, and I won’t be able to until I hear authentic feelings and unmet needs …

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:42am

  587. 587: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    I hate typos…must be the perfectionist freak in me, so lemme retype it:

    “And you’ve been claiming AS some sort of guru in the “emotions reading” department and how you heal people through your work.”

    “You can take it as an input SO that can improve your business or you can scorn me for being honest. Your choice.”

    And another thing is, what fear do I convey simply just through saying that your posts feel like an endless stream of self-promotion? I don’t view you as a threat at all. Why should I?

    I think you are projecting your own fear and anger on me.

    I’m not your enemy. I’m just saying what I feel/think after a period of observation, especially in this thread. You can overreact/be reactive or you can benefit from it.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:43am

  588. 588: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina,

    Erika created HBR and she gets results. She’s gotten a lot of results from me and other people. Her coaching schedule is full. She doesn’t need to sell herself anymore because she could easily live off the referral business if she wanted to. That’s the God’s honest truth.

    Here’s something else you should know about her. She has a day job, so she doesn’t need the money for her coaching services. Her day job is extremely important to society. It’s the type of job that only the best of the best get hired for. It is in a field that couldn’t be farther removed from coaching or HBR. Because of her day job and her coaching schedule, she doesn’t have much of a life.

    So when I tell you that she does all of these things because it’s her mission in life, you can believe it. If she comes across as too self-centered or too high-pressure, it’s because she’s just that sure of what she has learned and the system she’s developed. She’s simply that passionate about it. And maybe that doesn’t come across in plain text. Maybe that leaves too many blanks for readers to fill in.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:45am

  589. 589: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, you will hear or claim to hear what you want to hear (since you’re a self-appointed mind/feeling reader). But I’m telling you, you’re way off base on this one. This is the authentic me talking.

    I’m feeling neutral toward you -I know you won’t believe me now- (and I type this calmly), other than your style which I feel pretty “brazen” in self-promotion.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:47am

  590. 590: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    –rolling my eyes to all Erika’s comments–

    Whatever. Oh geez…I’m sorry to have said anything she doesn’t like. It’s now all about me, instead of her style (I wasn’t even commenting about her “self” since I don’t know her personally).

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:06am

  591. 591: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Jason — The cougar man is 8 years younger than me, which may not represent a big gap for many people, but definitely does for me. He’s in his early 30′s and has been married before.

    When he says “off the market”, he’s not talking about marriage, but rather about dating exclusively. I told him up front that I was dating around and that I intended to do that for a while rather than rush into anything exclusive with anyone. Yet here we sit — having been out 4 times in that past 8 days and he hates the thought of my going out with other men — he wants me all to himself and that just doesn’t work for me.

    I told him last night that I wanted to continue seeing him but that I wanted to let things develop in their own time. That I didn’t see any reason to rush — if we were meant to be together, things would naturally head that direction. I am sexually exclusive with him and I reminded him of that and also told him that was all I was comfortable with right now. Right now, I’m not seeing us as a ‘forever’ couple, but I’m trying to keep an open mind.

    The age thing isn’t bothering me as much as I thought it would, mostly because I look great for my age, so there’s no one running around asking me if I’m his mother, lol. But it’s the fact that he’s kind of rough around the edges and hangs out with people who do drugs…those are the things that are turning me off. I’ve mentioned the thing about his friends (the biggest offenders are the ones he works with — he’s the sales manager at a car dealership), but I don’t feel I can say to him that he’s more of a ‘good ‘ole boy) for me…that his grammar sometimes hurts my ears and I don’t like his tattoo or the fact that he’s not in good shape.

    But…purely from a selfish standpoint, I’m reluctant to let him go…he treats me very well and his great treatment of me has boosted my confidence around other men — I feel much more of a “take it or leave it” attitude around the other men now because I have a sure thing who will lavish attention on me and make me feel wanted if I ever doubt it.

    It’s possible that I could develop deeper feelings for him, but I just don’t know…in the past, sex has usually caused me to develop quite a bond with the person I’m intimate with, though that’s only happened to a small degree with this guy. He is the first guy in a while who has treated me so well, which I consider great progress on my path of growth. I have a date tonight with another guy who seems to be very into me as well, and he seems like someone who might be a little more on my same level socially.

    I guess I could just give him the “no girlfriend” general speech and let him see if he thinks he can handle that, but that doesn’t feel authentic to me…I’ve decided that I’m okay with being exclusive with someone for a few months until/unless a time comes when I’m feeling like we should make a real committment…if I reach that point with someone and he doesn’t step up, I’m prepared to return to CDing to save my sanity, so while the “no girlfriend” speech might be a good answer to give him right now, I feel like I’d be lying to him, and I’ve been trying to be as honest with him as I can be without criticizing him for the things I mentioned previously.

    So last night, we left it with “why don’t we see how it goes the next few weeks and reevaluate then”, at which point I figure I will either have tired of him or will have developed deeper feelings towards him or possibly even have met someone else.

    I am feelying major guilt though, because this is the reverse position I was in with Nashville guy a few years ago and I was really hurt in that situation…in this case, though, he let it drag on for months, knowing full well that he didn’t want anything serious with me and when I tried to break things off, he tried to convince me to stay with him (of course he would! He was getting free sex with no committtment!) I’m trying to handle things differently than he did by trying to be more honest, and I won’t let this carry on past a month if I’m not feeling it by then. It probably still sounds like I’m using him, doesn’t it?

    Since I’ve been CDing, this is the first major challenge I’ve faced…I have had the “not getting exclusive anytime soon” with some other guys at the very beginning though, and that hasn’t gone over well with any of them…I think it actually cost me a date with the Spaniard, because he told me point blank when we had lunch last week that he wouldn’t ask me out because he was a “one-woman” man and expected the same amount of devotion from the woman he was seeing…

    Here’s my hope…I hope I meet someone else I’m really crazy about within the next few weeks so I can transition into a new relationship while still feeling the confidence of knowing I’m adored and wanted, but I really don’t want to hurt cougar man’s feelings in the process. I want him to gain something from our time together, but I don’t know exactly what that is. He’s a pretty nice guy and deserves to be adored and not just wanted, if that makes sense.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:11am

  592. 592: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina,

    I know you are not an enemy. Nobody is.

    “endless stream of self-promotion” … this though is a judgment … and judgments are about the judger not the judgee … always …

    If you are feeling unheard here, then I can hear that … I honestly am not sure what is bothering you because when you speak in judging words, it’s not very easy to hear you. Judgments are basically meaningless to me. I just feel the anger underneath them, and they are ALWAYS anger. That’s what a judgment is.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 6:56am

  593. 593: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    All right, I am aware this conversation has nothing to do with me, and I’m still going to say I feel very uncomfortable with the word “cougar.” I feel uncomfortable about generalizing about people based on age. It has been my experience that age has almost nothing to do with any person’s attraction or their connection skills, and I like being truly open to people regardless of their superficial characteristics. When I hear generalizations based on age, it feels painful to me.

    I am aware that this is my sensitivity and not anyone else’s fault.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:01am

  594. 594: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t like being generalized about based on superficial characteristics, for example, if someone said “she’s a brunette so she must have less fun,” that would feel off putting to me !!! So I don’t like to hear it about anyone else either.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:05am

  595. 595: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason,

    RE: #590 – You said, “From your clarification, sounds like he was trying to lock you in and he’s not exactly what you’re looking for. I got that impression from what he wrote but I didn’t know for sure. Keep on dating!”

    Right on! Thank you for understanding that. I am not quite sure I want to cancel him, either. But yes, I felt like he was trying to lock me in. I have been locked in prematurely in the past, because my neediness has dominated my common sense. I refuse to let that happen again.

    I still want to date him, because I like him inside, so far. I’m just not ready to make a lifetime decision in 2 hours. So yeah, I want to circular date, and I am okay with him being in my rotation.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:08am

  596. 596: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “I have been locked in prematurely in the past, because my neediness has dominated my common sense. I refuse to let that happen again.”

    I love this Brenda. I hear strength and determination. I hear a line in the sand. I hear full responsibility and power :)

    I can relate to this, Brenda, even though when I committed prematurely I wasn’t conscious of what I was allowing to happen. I look back and see that I could have been permanently in the relationship I wanted much earlier if I’d had a clue what I was doing back then. It feels good to know what I want and refuse to settle for less :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:13am

  597. 597: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, RE: #607 – Thank you! Yes, I have changed so much during and through my relationship with Ryan last year. I have felt relationships with sex, and now (with Ryan) I have felt a relationship without sex.

    I have cum to cherish the sexual tension that drives me nutso! I have cum to cherish the deep, deep spirit, soul, mind, and heart connection that cums with spending a whole lot of time exploring a man’s middle.

    So now hand-holding, kissing, and touching on a first or second date feels so high schoolish.

    Yes, I love the determination I have built in me, and the extreme strength that cums with it. I like knowing who I am.

    I feel like “Luke” in Star Wars flying into the core of the Death Star being fired at from every angle while his commander says, “Stay on target! Stay on target! Stay on target!” Yeah! Mmmm!

    I finally am ME and I like ME.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:22am

  598. 598: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina,

    I hope Erika finds more business through her exposure on this blog, and I hope you do, too. I value her input here, as I do yours. I think it’s wonderful when people like you both are in the people helping business and you become known. You deserve it. I think if she were just about self-promotion, she would have left after a week or so. I think she is here because she enjoys it.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:27am

  599. 599: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    About the cougar thing, I really enjoyed Ryan being 15 years younger. I focused on relating to him as a man, even tho he was very immature in some areas. I didn’t highlight that, because I didn’t want to make him feel less of a man. Instead, I encouraged him in the areas where he shined.

    I found the less a big deal I made of our age difference, the more we connected.

    It really isn’t about age. It’s about maturity level. And, men and women are capable of growth. So I just worked with him, and I saw a lot of growth during the time we were together. I had a lot of growth, too.

    I embraced his tenderness. I did all I could to help him build his self-esteem, which was really shaky due to his schizophrenia.

    I hope and pray he finds complete healing soon. He would be so beautiful without that evil clinging to him.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:32am

  600. 600: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel like “Luke” in Star Wars flying into the core of the Death Star being fired at from every angle while his commander says, “Stay on target! Stay on target! Stay on target!” Yeah! Mmmm!

    I finally am ME and I like ME.”

    Lol, YES :) Or as Rori would say, STAY ON YOUR HORSE … lol … it feels soooooo amazing to stay on my horse :)

    What used to feel terrifying now feels like an ADVENTURE … and even the UNKNOWN — the part I used to try sooooo hard to control, such as “will she or won’t she marry Vegas Guy?” … now feels kinda exciting …

    VG is wonderful and … it’s still entirely possible that God has something even MORE amazing feeling in store for me :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:41am

  601. 601: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Blah. This blows. The Erika Show blows, and I can’t wait for VG or some other dude to pay attention to her again so that she goes away and stops spamming us for distraction under a veil of enlightened bull.

    And I’m also finding the most supportive and defensive sirens of erika are the ones who are the most resistant to assimilating rori’s tools fully into their dating lives.

    You should all go discuss Erika’s opinions and her take on things on HER blog,so that my computer doesn’t freeze up when i am trying to work with rori’s tools but there are hundreds and hundreds of erika-centric comments.

    OH, WAIT, MIRROR. omg i am just staring into a mirror right? lol. yeah, dont bother answering me directly. just tell me i’m looking into a mirror. hey, while you’re at it, why don’t you tell me what I’M feeling. rolling my eyes into eternity. i’ll come back in a few days and see if erika has found a different place to seek attention while her man isn’t calling her.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:46am

  602. 602: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, you go, girl!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:49am

  603. 603: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “I’m feeling neutral toward you -I know you won’t believe me now- (and I type this calmly), other than your style which I feel pretty “brazen” in self-promotion.”

    Katarina, if you truly felt neutral toward me, deep down inside, you would not feel any need to judge me. None of this would matter to you at all. So it just doesn’t feel authentic. It feels dissociated from your true feelings … I am still curious about what is really bothering you … and again, I’m guessing you feel unheard and unseen.

    I am also curious about what remaining guilt feelings in me I haven’t cleared and limiting beliefs that would attract your judgment … but that’s not about me doing anything “wrong,” it’s just some remaining residual limiting belief that I will clear out and this will vanish.

    “I will forgive, and this will disappear.” – ACIM

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:51am

  604. 604: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I’m also guessing that admitting you feel unheard and unseen or something similar feels very vulnerable to you … and scary …

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:53am

  605. 605: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    I feel yucky and sad reading your comment. You seem angry. I feel negative energy and tight squeezing and closedness. I don’t like it.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:53am

  606. 606: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina,

    Happy Belated Birthday! I had it on my calendar to wish you a happy birthday on Saturday, and I was unable to get online that day.

    Did your man step up for you?

    Love and hugs,
    Brenda

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:55am

  607. 607: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Dorothea, that feels really bitter …

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:57am

  608. 608: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    Have you ever encountered schizophrenia? It was the center of what ruined my 10 month relationship with Ryan last year, along with me initiating way too much.

    It was weird, because he himself loves women and says every woman is a face of the goddess. He wants to make every day lady’s day for his woman.

    Yet he had evil in him with the schizophrenia and he treated me HORRIBLY. He led me on to believe without a doubt that he was on the verge of proposing to me last July…he hinted liberally about a ring, forever, even “borrowed” a ring of mine, presumably to size an engagement ring.

    We wrote a beautiful poem together, me one line, him the next line, back and forth. A few days later, he called a special meeting to say, “It’s just a friendship. I’m not in love with you.”

    He intentionally broke my heart, and it hurt worse than anything that ever happened to me, because all my love, hopes, and dreams were at their height. I have been recovering ever since, for a year, and I am finally feeling free of him, altho I still love him and think of him every day.

    It was weird loving him while guarding myself against the evil in him, which did the opposite of his intentions for romance, etc. It felt very confusing and vulnerable.

    Here is the poem we wrote together:

    Beyond Intimacy
    Delving deep into her heart
    Profound emotion lifts her to a heavenly plane
    A plane where,
    Where the sensation
    Falls on her spirit like the first warm rays of spring sunshine
    She’s uplifted,
    Heart, mind, body, and soul,
    She is woman, she is beauty, she is life
    She’s ALL he ever wanted,
    They dance,
    The dance of the Spirit
    She has ceased being Her
    Has gone beyond even being His
    She has given birth to
    No, they have given birth to a new life…
    US, WE, OUR, TOGETHER…
    Some of the most beautiful words in language!
    Emerge,
    Total consciousness in their being
    Yes, their one Being!
    Beyond touch, beyond words,
    The dance of spirits elevates
    And twists beyond ALL bounds…
    Beyond all bounds, two spirits mingle beyond this earth
    Never to return,
    They have landed in Heaven
    Male and female, heaven and earth, passion and tears
    Floods, floods of emotion
    Fill their souls
    Raining down warm cleansing rains of sensual fulfillment
    Sensual fulfillment,
    Beyond any they’ve ever known,
    Floats them freely down (up??) the stream of
    The stream of
    Heavenly intoxication
    They’ve tasted
    The fruit,
    They’ve tasted
    The wine,
    They’ve tasted
    The Beyond of intimacy!
    Ryan and Brenda
    July 9, 2009

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:09am

  609. 609: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Dorothea, what’s up girlie girl? You alright? You mentioned feeling shitty last night. Spill it girl. Please. I’ll listen if you wanna talk.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:18am

  610. 610: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, SS’s right post above is the first one I had this morning and I feel touched by the sisterly love.

    D- yes, spill it. We love you!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:26am

  611. 611: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: I feel more capable of answering your question about the laser surgery comment. Last night I was feeling very articulate.

    For me, I felt neutral about it. I felt understanding of where Jason would get that analogy. For me though, the whole time I felt neutral…understanding that he was sharing his experience. I didn’t feel particularly swayed either way but what he said because I do trust my own intuition.

    And my own intuition feels better about our interactions. And I, personally, feel more open and trusting of you.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:33am

  612. 612: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Meant to say last night I wasn’t feeling very articulate.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:34am

  613. 613: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    With that said, I haven’t read much of what happened last night and as I’m skimming I feel sad because it seems like there’s some drama going on. And I feel sad but also trusting that all involved are working through something. I’m feeling neutral. Not triggered really other than a little sad.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:37am

  614. 614: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    #602 Renee

    “I am feelying major guilt though, because this is the reverse position I was in with Nashville guy a few years ago and I was really hurt in that situation…in this case, though, he let it drag on for months, knowing full well that he didn’t want anything serious with me and when I tried to break things off, he tried to convince me to stay with him (of course he would! He was getting free sex with no committtment!) I’m trying to handle things differently than he did by trying to be more honest, and I won’t let this carry on past a month if I’m not feeling it by then. It probably still sounds like I’m using him, doesn’t it?”

    This is something I cannot emphasize enough. If you are being honest with the man you’re seeing, there is NO reason to feel guilty. NONE. If he wants commitment and you don’t, he is perfectly free to leave and find someone else.

    Have you seen the movie “500 Days of Summer?” Watch how Summer handles the protagonist in the movie.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:39am

  615. 615: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I’m in touch with sadness …

    “And my own intuition feels better about our interactions. And I, personally, feel more open and trusting of you.”

    LG, I feel so touched by this. Thank you. I feel a lot of openness also.

    Brenda, thank you for sharing your lovely poem. I don’t have enough time right now to answer fully about schizophrenia … I will say, though, that it is my belief that all sickness begins in the mind (the belief system) and can be healed in the mind …

    And I believe that by healing ourselves we are healing everyone on this planet … and that a lot of healing is going on right here right now …

    And I feel touched by Shannon’s invitation to Dorothea, and Dorothea, though I feel worried it will be perceived as more of the “Erika Show,” I join Shannon in that invitation … I feel curious what is going on for you … I also hear “less than” beliefs in what you wrote, and I desperately want those beliefs to be healed.

    You are not “less than” anyone in this world. You are equal to everyone, and beneath no one.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:41am

  616. 616: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    #602 Renee

    One more thing:

    “Since I’ve been CDing, this is the first major challenge I’ve faced…I have had the “not getting exclusive anytime soon” with some other guys at the very beginning though, and that hasn’t gone over well with any of them…I think it actually cost me a date with the Spaniard, because he told me point blank when we had lunch last week that he wouldn’t ask me out because he was a “one-woman” man and expected the same amount of devotion from the woman he was seeing…”

    Let me be clear. If a man wants to lock you in as of the FIRST DATE, he’s the one being needy. He’s the one who can’t stand the idea of competing against a guy who’s more sure of himself and his masculinity. He’s the one who is so desperate for a woman in his life that he can’t understand he needs to EVALUATE the woman in front of him as much as she needs to EVALUATE him for a long term relationship. He’s willing to risk investing months or even years of his life rushing into a committed relationship without having ANY idea what the woman in front of him is really like as a person. All he believes is that if he can lock you in, then that’s what will make him happy.

    This Spaniard guy must be a notorious serial monogamist. He must have a long list of failed relationships in his wake. I used to be a little like Spaniard guy. Might be why I’m passionate about the topic.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:48am

  617. 617: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    608: Brenda says:

    “I feel like “Luke” in Star Wars flying into the core of the Death Star being fired at from every angle while his commander says, “Stay on target! Stay on target! Stay on target!” Yeah! Mmmm!”

    Star Wars really is modern mythology.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:54am

  618. 618: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Jason: #627 – Locked and loaded dude! Thank you! I feel great reading that!

    ***Attention Walmart shoppers***

    Post 627 is a great explanation from a MAN about why circular dating works.

    READ IT!!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:06am

  619. 619: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel compelled to change my name to The Simply Shannon Show. All Shannon… all the time. Holla.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:09am

  620. 620: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    For Brenda:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJeKS0gNz48

    And then there’s this…

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xaf03z_dating-montage_fun/

    Suddenly I don’t feel so bad about myself…

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:10am

  621. 621: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Have you ever figured something out that was a total breakthrough and you’re just all pumped up and excited because it is a VALUABLE thing you’ve discovered and you want to share it with the world because it’s SO EFFING COOL and it changes EVERYTHING!?!?!?!

    That’s how I felt when I found Rori. SHE figured things out, so I’m not taking credit. But when I realized how her tools changed everything I wanted to share them with every woman I knew. I felt like I was going to just explode with this new understanding.

    I am seeing Erika like this now. She has something that she figured out. She is all up in it because she just KNOWS that it has the power to change EVERYTHING. And d@mnit, why can’t we see how amazing and valuable it is?

    I feel sometimes frustrated when I read/hear the sirens here going through the same process over and over with themselves and the men in their lives. I feel sometimes like we (me too) can get the ‘letter of the law’ but not the spirit of it, and so we’re going through the motions and not getting the results because we haven’t embodied the truths.

    I imagine Erika sitting (standing- whatever) and being SOOO excited because she just KNOWS that she has the answer that can take us to the next level.

    The problem as I see it is- that’s HER truth. Not necessarily mine or anyone else’s. And I personally have resistance to anyone who takes the I-am-farther-along-the-path-and-have-THE-ANSWER position.

    And I hear and also experience frustration with how much time/space is devoted to it here. And I would like there to be a separate space for that processing, as it is not necessarily helpful to everyone.

    BUT THEN

    I have to acknowledge that it has been helpful to me, if for no other reason than I am identifying all of this for myself and feeling and understanding.

    Other times I have felt like the blog was hijacked by one or another siren. If I had to be analytical about it I’d say that maybe only 20% of the total comments on the entire blog have helped me grow.

    How d@mn cool is it that I’ve been helped (for free) 20% of the time I’ve spent here. And that’s just what I can identify now. Sometimes it’s a cumulative effect, so that percentage may go WAY up over time as I make room for more truth.

    I have something to express about Erika and how I experience her communication, but I’m going to get clear and present so that hopefully she can hear me and not my triggers. What I would like is for my feedback to not be absorbed because I would like it if I could hear her more clearly, and I would like people like me to have a chance to hear as well. So that’s another post… (or email, Erika- if you want to give me your address).

    JC said “I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes to the father but by me”. (no disrespect- I just don’t want to get caught in the filter)

    Buddha said “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

    I resonate more with the second one.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:15am

  622. 622: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    RE: #626 – You said, “Brenda, thank you for sharing your lovely poem. I don’t have enough time right now to answer fully about schizophrenia … I will say, though, that it is my belief that all sickness begins in the mind (the belief system) and can be healed in the mind …”

    Thank you! I believe THE MIND IS THE BATTLEFIELD between good and evil. So, in that sense, I agree. I believe schizophrenia is a spiritual illness, not curable by medicine or psychology. I base that on the awesome story of James Stacey, an elderly man in England, who was freed of schizophrenia (it’s in schizophrenia defeated dot com if you’re interested).

    I feel love. I am saturated and oozing with love. I feel love for all the Sirens and wonderful men on this blog!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:17am

  623. 623: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad, and confused, and sort of mind spinning. One the one hand, I feel understanding of some sirens feeling frustrated because I also have felt triggered by Erika’s style of communication and on the other hand, I feel sad because I have felt more connected to Erika lately and I really want for her to be able to share her message in a way that people can hear….for her own sake and also for others because I do feel confident she is on to something.

    I don’t believe she has exclusive rights to healing powers but I have felt connected to her in the sense that I do think she was tuning in to my emotions and I into hers. I did feel a mutual healing happening between us. I hope that makes sense. I felt a synchronistic healing between us. And I noticed that her communication seemed to improve and now I feel sad seeing it come back to this but I also understand that this is an opportunity for her to improve more and for others to maybe get in touch with some emotions they weren’t acknowledging.

    I feel scared to come across as picking sides. I really don’t want to do that. Especially because I love me some Dorothea and I feel scared of offending you Dorothea! I want you to feel supported here.

    So, right now I am judging myself for rambling. Quiet NV’s!!!

    I’m going to stop now. I’m curious how this sits with you all.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:17am

  624. 624: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, RE: #627 – Serial Monogamist

    This helps tremendously in regards to understanding why I felt icky on the first date. Balto was trying to lock me in. Thank you!!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:25am

  625. 625: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I wanna change my name to The Brenda Show! Hehehe! Siren Power! We rock!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:27am

  626. 626: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    LG- re#633

    Thanks for posting that. I feel like laughing because you are so good and concise with your communication.

    I feel included when you post, and honored. I struggle for that in myself because I am afraid that I will come across like a know-it-all so I end up being all about ME!

    Maybe I can learn from you :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:29am

  627. 627: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Amber, RE: #631 – You said, “That’s how I felt when I found Rori. SHE figured things out, so I’m not taking credit. But when I realized how her tools changed everything I wanted to share them with every woman I knew. I felt like I was going to just explode with this new understanding.

    I am seeing Erika like this now. She has something that she figured out. She is all up in it because she just KNOWS that it has the power to change EVERYTHING. And d@mnit, why can’t we see how amazing and valuable it is?”

    Xactly! That’s how I feel, too!

    No one is better. No one is above. Some are deeper. But we are all equal. We are all sisters.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:29am

  628. 628: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Amber, ” (or email, Erika- if you want to give me your address).”

    Click on her name, and it will take you to her website, where you will find her email address.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:31am

  629. 629: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, RE: #633 – Rori encourages us to speak our feelings. Period. What we feel is what we feel. If someone becomes an enemy because we like someone, we are not at issue. This isn’t about choosing sides. That’s high school stuff with popularity contests.

    Just be real with your feelings and your growth and let the chips fall where they may.

    Let’s each stay on our bridge.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:34am

  630. 630: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda:

    ” Rori encourages us to speak our feelings. Period.”

    yes, I feel in agreement with that. I feel amused and slightly annoyed with your post #639 because I didn’t see one feeling message in it yet my post #633 that you were referring to was loaded with them.

    I feel laughter.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:03am

  631. 631: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Amber: I felt so great reading your post. It feels so wonderful that my communication is coming across in a way that speaks to you.

    You said: I struggle for that in myself because I am afraid that I will come across like a know-it-all so I end up being all about ME!

    I’d like to offer my perspective on this but I’m not sure how to say it in feeling messages so I’m going to switch to boy voice. I feels little nervous about that because I don’t want to come across as a know-it-all myself so please bear with me…:-)

    but my understanding of communicationing in feeling messages is that it’s okay to make it all about ME. In fact, that’s the whole point. By making it all about ME, I am taking responsibility for the fact that these are just my feelings and my perspective and trying not to project on others or assume we know what is best for them.

    I feel curious if that makes sense?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:14am

  632. 632: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    LG: I think I understand your conflict but I want to help clear up what some of us see/feel when dealing with Erika.

    When someone has an issue with ego and needing that ego fed, it drains others in the group. I don’t know if Erika is always like this because I don’t know her on a personal level, but I feel it here and I’ve personally experienced it with communication from her.

    An example: Jason said something really nice about her…it was very cool on its own merits with no other comment necessary as far as I was concerned. When nobody reacted, she reached out for attention. Her ego was fed by Jason, but not enough because it wasn’t validated by anyone else. Once that validation happened though, she was able to let it go. I suspect a different result if someone had spoken out with less than good feelings the comment produced but…there’s no way of knowing that.

    For some people, dealing with ego driven others is very, very draining (me included) and we tend to strike out…especially when our sadness and empathy isn’t working or recognized by them and what they “need” is more along the lines of admiration.

    For me personally, I have too much of a “tough love” approach and so I can’t possibly help the ego driven personality. I need to work on this as it does hinder me with the women I counsel (and I’m not talking about “coaching” here…I’m talking about therapy). My mentors are good at assigning women to me who will work well with me though…and I have no problem with the ego driven youth…it’s the grown women who I can’t seem to connect with. I will work on this. It is very interesting to me.

    I understand also what you feel when you and Erika connected as you were feeling each other’s feelings that day. It worked well for you and that is a VERY good thing. However, had her guess been off and she missed the mark with what you were feeling (as she did with Katarina and myself) then the ending would have been a whole lot different with her telling you how you are wrong (or in denial) about what you think you feel and she is right about what you really feel. She guessed you right. That did two things: 1. Fed her ego. 2. Helped you feel more connected. Neither of those two things is bad, it just isn’t the same experience for all of us and so some feel compelled to speak out.

    Personally, for me, when someone TELLS me how I am feeling rather than LISTENS to how I am feeling, I shut down. That probably isn’t the result a “coach” wants from others, but unless that coach learns to deal with people of all different personalities, she/he will be limited to a specific type they can work with. Again…I recognize this need in myself and I have at least taken the step to know the personality types I struggle with during counseling sessions…that’s a start and I will continue to work on that.

    Many of us have also been here before. When Erika was posting in the past, she also claimed to have the “only” thing that worked. It was EFT and the same comments on those threads are happening here. It was the same thing with people accusing her of trying to solicit business, refusal to use Rori’s tools, etc. When her approach didn’t change with her new “only” or “fastest” or “miracle” cure she brings this time…well…the reactions aren’t changing either. Same behavior…same results…

    I think she would probably get more respect from some of us if she didn’t say she was no longer going to talk to another siren if they didn’t admit to feeling the way she wants them to feel and agree to healing by using her methods. Also, when they disagree, if she would do as Jason said and hear it with empathy “regardless of the manner in which it is delivered” (paraphrasing) rather than telling them they are “full of shit”, that might help too.

    I personally would have loved to have helped her, but her need to address her own issues with letting go of the lack of attention to the ego stops that from happening (my own limitation with others at work there…not hers).

    When I hear Katarina give feedback to Erika, I feel the same thing coming from her…she gives advice, tells what she sees and how she feels but instead of being taken for what it is, it is turned around on her and Erika claims to know better how she is feeling. In cases like that, neither of us can help. Erika is going to need to let go of her need to control, her need to be put on a pedestal and her need to have the “cure” for everyone else before she can be helped. I know that feels like anger to her, but it is felt with sadness in my heart.

    I think Jason will probably be the one most likely to get results trying to help her. Or maybe some other coach. Or maybe Vegas Guy. In any case, someone will need to be able to reach into her heart and help her uncover the reason behind her needs before they get to the healing part.

    I hope this helps you see where, not all, but some of us might be coming from. I realize this will be turned into a mirror from at least one person but that’s okay. I needed, for my own reasons, to try to explain why some of us react the way we do to Erika’s personality and communication style and I feel good that I have been given the opportunity to do that.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:17am

  633. 633: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea — I agree with your assessment that “the Erika Show” blows…that’s why I’ve barely posted in the past few days…I’m really tired of this blog being all about Erika and her intuition or healing or whatever it is she wants to call it.

    I came here because I wanted to learn and share what I was learning about Rori’s tools, not someone else’s, and while it’s nice to have a different perspective now and then, that’s not what this has become…it’s become “All Erika, All the Time” and it’s starting to really suck!

    And yes, Erika, I’m sure you have some feeling drawing you here to the blog…you have an intense desire for attention that you’re obviously not getting from Vegas Guy or you wouldn’t have the time to be here 24/7.

    Jason — I appreciate your perspective and had considered the same thing. It’s not so much that he wanted to lock me in after the first date, it’s after the 4th date that this discussion surfaced. Nevertheless, I do sense a certain “neediness” in him and that is a turn off.

    The Spaniard says he used to take the approach I’m taking now but that he’s decided that doesn’t lead to happiness…I don’t know, perhaps he’s right, but the fact that he ruled me out right away based on my not wanting to get exclusive right away tells me he’s not my forever guy either…so the search continues.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:23am

  634. 634: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Riffing more about feeling weird about picking sides…

    I feel inspired by the way SS, Lucy, Amber, and Nikita have handled themselves in this situation. I hear them saying “I myself don’t feel triggered by Erika. In fact, I’m enjoying hearing her voice” but I don’t hear them making others wrong for feeling triggered.

    That feels good to me. I feel safe with them. It feels awesome to me. I feel so appreciative of that attitude.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:24am

  635. 635: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Grrrrrrrrr,

    This is The Nikita Show! All Nikita, all of the time! Welcome to…The Nikita Show ;)

    Starring; ……………….drumroll please;…..(price is right voices)……(.cue Bob Hope, )

    NIKITA!

    Hosted by; Nikita….

    Written by; Nikita!

    Music by; Nikita !

    Produced by; Nikita!

    And now a word from our sponsor; Nikita!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:36am

  636. 636: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes: I feel happy to hear from you! I had some fear come up that there would be a disconnect between us now that I am feeling more open to Erika. My mind knew that was silly but I still felt some fear because I do appreciate your voice.

    I feel a resonance with what you said about sometimes struggling with being able to communicate with certain people. I feel hopeful that we can all learn to improve our communication through this process that is going on and I do see lots of mirroring happening.

    I’m feeling quite inarticulate right now. No, I am judging myself as being inarticulate. Hmmmm, I’m experimenting with just stopping when I don’t know what to say.

    So… I will just sum it up with saying I feel happy to hear your voice and I hope we all get what we need out of this situation. :-)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:37am

  637. 637: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you LG…Awww…I only go away if I REALLY, REALLY need it for my own well being or if I’m hurting someone and they ask me to. And even then (if you remember from our earlier conversations on this blog…) I tend to explain myself before excusing myself.

    I too need to work on stopping when I don’t know what else to say…

    But that might be stifling my need to blab…I like to blab…even when I struggle with figuring out what I’m blabbing about…

    HAHA! :-)

    You are a VERY sweet person!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:44am

  638. 638: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Do you ever get that bitter feeling? The life just isn’t fair to me feeling? Or perhaps you’ve experienced that: hey!,” that *itch stole my thunder” feeling? Well now thanks to epigenetic work and research…….our scientists have developed a new power formula; “all is well”. When you try all is well you’ll be saying “life is good” ;)

    stay tuned to the Nikita Show for more info and how “all is well” has improved the quality of life for special guest, Nikita !

    Cue applause …..

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:45am

  639. 639: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Sigh…..nikita’s mascara is running because she’s feeling all weepy and gooey after reading LG’s comment……

    We will be back shortly after Nikita goes back to hair and make-up….

    ;)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:49am

  640. 640: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Nikita….
    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:50am

  641. 641: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes: I feel supportive of you blabbing if that’s what is right for you in the moment.

    For me personally, I got a lot of growth and learning by letting myself get so triggered and now I it feels better to just relax and integrate what I learned. When I was going through that process on that long ass thread and the beginning of this one, I didn’t have much energy to focus on practical matters in my life. And even though the intense triggering was awesome for learning, it didn’t feel sustainable. Now, it feels better to take the triggering in small doses so ihave enrgy left to focus on things like feeding myself, feeding my dog, and preparing for an upcoming trip I’m taking. So yes, that’s where I’m at right now.

    I’m doing my best to leave space for others to do what is best for them.

    Much love to you too Mercedes!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:55am

  642. 642: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    LG: I wil leave yours at this: YAY!

    Nikita: I will second tinque and leave yours at this: YAY!

    And tinque: You make me smile so YAY!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes (YAY4ME 2!)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:58am

  643. 643: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, thanks for the b’day wish….oh there was so much drama but there will be a story for another day or I will rain on someone’s parade. :D

    And thanks for LG’s early b’day wish too. I hate birthdays but I can’t help attaching so much meaning to them, especially in relationship.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:59am

  644. 644: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    SS,

    I love that idea !!!!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:00am

  645. 645: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes:

    “Personally, for me, when someone TELLS me how I am feeling rather than LISTENS to how I am feeling, I shut down. ”

    That’s what my husband always told me: Don’t tell what I think/feel. Ask me!!! That’s the one thing I find very disrespectful.

    And perhaps that was why he shut down, among other reasons.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:07am

  646. 646: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: I feel blissed watching the Nikita show. I feel thankful for the reminder that all is well.

    I sent your package out yesterday and I had some weird judgements about myself come up. I’m going to voice them because with the intent that by expressing them out loud, I will see how silly and self-sabotaging they are.

    So, when I sent your package I wrapped it in this page I got from a magazine. I don’t know why but I felt drawn to this particular image. Then I started judging myself …I’m such a hippy. Nikita is this refined new york city goddess and I’m goin to look like a hippie. She loves manicures and my nails are almost always dirty from constant gardening.

    It felt really bad to think these things. I really don’t know anything about your lifestyle. I feel a resonance with you here. Even if you are a city girl and I’m a hippie, it dooesnt matter. We still have other common interests.

    So ya, these thoughts came up. I feel better expressing them. Thanks for listening. :-)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:08am

  647. 647: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love the Nikita Show!

    I want to hear about how All is Well worked for Nikita

    I feel ALL IN to this show

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:09am

  648. 648: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yay!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:11am

  649. 649: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love Laughing Goddess!

    i love hippy AND new york all at once

    yum

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:12am

  650. 650: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes:

    “An example: Jason said something really nice about her…it was very cool on its own merits with no other comment necessary as far as I was concerned. When nobody reacted, she reached out for attention. Her ego was fed by Jason, but not enough because it wasn’t validated by anyone else. Once that validation happened though, she was able to let it go. I suspect a different result if someone had spoken out with less than good feelings the comment produced but…there’s no way of knowing that.”

    Yeah, I found it really strange….like c’mon guys, aren’t you touched by his testimony? I am not hearing any clapping here.

    That’s not something a secure person would do, unless I miss the context here.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:12am

  651. 651: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    erika #611–

    celebrating with you!!!

    as an observer, it feels like you just went through some type of rite of passage or something…

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:25am

  652. 652: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    “Katarina, if you truly felt neutral toward me, deep down inside, you would not feel any need to judge me. None of this would matter to you at all.”

    Erika, honey, we “judge” all the time: I hate that commercial…so stupid, I don’t even understand what it’s trying to say. Mmmm…I think that commercial is funny, love it. Eeeeuuw…those singers are awful, gotta change the channel.

    Other than your brazen style that often raises my eyebrows, I don’t have any issue with you as a person. I can still relate to some of the truths you say in your posts and benefit from them at any given time.

    “So it just doesn’t feel authentic. It feels dissociated from your true feelings … I am still curious about what is really bothering you … and again, I’m guessing you feel unheard and unseen.”

    Unheard…unseen by whom? Like I want all the attention here? Noooo, I have come here at least 4-5 months before my first post, just lurking. If I had wanted the attention, I would have posted and made a scene first day I found this blog.

    But I didn’t feel the need to. Still don’t. I’m way too busy for that.

    Again, you can take it as what it is or make it all about me, which perhaps will make you feel better. (shrug).

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:26am

  653. 653: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, this feels scary for me but I’m going to go out on a limb.

    Erika: you expressed a yearning for feedback on how sirens want to be spoken to. When I read this…

    “And I feel touched by Shannon’s invitation to Dorothea, and Dorothea, though I feel worried it will be perceived as more of the “Erika Show,” I join Shannon in that invitation … I feel curious what is going on for you … I also hear “less than” beliefs in what you wrote, and I desperately want those beliefs to be healed.

    You are not “less than” anyone in this world. You are equal to everyone, and beneath no one.”

    I felt good and relieved. It felt so much better to me than when you said Dorothea sounds bitter.

    I feel uncomfortable saying this because I don’t know how it will feel to Dorothea but if you had said it to me, I think I would feel receptive. It gives me the impression that you don’t want me to feel less than. That you want to share your work because you genuinely want me to feel good about myself.

    I feel curious about the fear I feel around posting this. What’s up wit that? Something to look closer at.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:26am

  654. 654: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina: I feel curious about how your birthday felt. I feel space here for you to speak about it if and when you are ready.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:28am

  655. 655: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel yum reading Daria’s words. I love my multi-faceted friend Daria.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:32am

  656. 656: The Nikita ShowNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    “So, when I sent your package I wrapped it in this page I got from a magazine. I don’t know why but I felt drawn to this particular image. Then I started judging myself …I’m such a hippy. Nikita is this refined new york city goddess and I’m goin to look like a hippie. She loves manicures and my nails are almost always dirty from gardening.”

    First….omg! Thank you :) puppy thanks you too.
    Second, I feel super excited and curious to see this image. I bet it’s very me…..and your subconscious knows it too.
    Third, I am absolutely accepting the idea that I am a refined NYC goddess. Feels good. Feels right….but at the same time…..I have a bohemian history….and a Berkley heart :) to a degree……I have never owned a pair of Birkenstocks but when I see the cute thong ones my heart jumps and I feel mild envy….I have bare naked granola in my cupboard….I tried planting perennials (mix) this spring and the sprouts are so sad….. :( I dream of owning the big straw garden hat….i have an apron ” holly hobbie :) if that rings a bell….. I was once a vegetarian for years! …..I could go on and on trying to prove that I am a total undercover hippie but I’m starting to feel a little yawn :)

    So um……yeah the suspense is intriguing me ;)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:35am

  657. 657: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    666: The Nikita Show says:

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    LG,

    “So, when I sent your package I wrapped it in this page I got from a magazine. I don’t know why but I felt drawn to this particular image. Then I started judging myself …I’m such a hippy. Nikita is this refined new york city goddess and I’m goin to look like a hippie. She loves manicures and my nails are almost always dirty from gardening.”

    First….omg! Thank you puppy thanks you too.
    Second, I feel super excited and curious to see this image. I bet it’s very me…..and your subconscious knows it too.
    Third, I am absolutely accepting the idea that I am a refined NYC goddess. Feels good. Feels right….but at the same time…..I have a bohemian history….and a Berkley heart to a degree……I have never owned a pair of Birkenstocks but when I see the cute thong ones my heart jumps and I feel mild envy….I have bare naked granola in my cupboard….I tried planting perennials (mix) this spring and the sprouts are so sad….. I dream of owning the big straw garden hat….i have an apron ” holly hobbie if that rings a bell….. I was once a vegetarian for years! …..I could go on and on trying to prove that I am a total undercover hippie but I’m starting to feel a little yawn

    So um……yeah the suspense is intriguing me

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:35am

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:36am

  658. 658: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Erika:

    “I’m also guessing that admitting you feel unheard and unseen or something similar feels very vulnerable to you … and scary …”

    I’m smiling reading and writing this. Yeah I feel vulnerable sometimes (who isn’t?), but not when I was telling you how I felt about your style. The twos are not related.

    But you, self-appointed Rori’s blog witch doctor :), has to make a diagnosis of my and everyone’s interior each time we say something you don’t like. I expected it but still find it very amusing (I’m sure you will diagnose me with some more emotional afflictions for saying this :D).

    You almost sold me your magic potion, but after these repeated off-the-mark diagnosis of my interior I began to think you’re perhaps no better than most TV personalities/infomercial queens/kings trying to sell us the latest fads they discovered/invented (I’m trying not to use snake-oil salesmen here).

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:38am

  659. 659: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    LG-

    Yes! It does make sense. And since I’m not a man, and you’re not dating me, I welcome your “boy voice” anytime you feel it will help me understand you better.

    I love the Earth Mother feeling you radiate here (in my head). It makes me smile when you talk about your house and your garden. In my head you live in Hawaii.

    And all of this learning lately has been taking up the majority of my brain cycles. I will feel better when I find my balance again.

    Mercedes,

    Thank you for continuing to share your experience and knowledge. I am hearing and learning. I appreciate your courage and your truth.

    Tinque,

    You are lovely. You bring such a soft, and accepting feeling with you (in my head-LOL). All of this feminine but still solid.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:39am

  660. 660: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Ha Daria,

    :) I just saw your comment. I feel so tickled and I keep giggling. I love the Nikita show too! I’m going to go back and read the comments I’ve missed…..

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:40am

  661. 661: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: ha ha! And I have a city girl part of me. I guess I just wanting to share those NV’s that were coming up. For me, when I express them outloud it helps me to see how silly they are. I’ve been doing that with LI too and it feels good.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:41am

  662. 662: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    jason,
    thank you for #627 to renee.

    your man voice is so warm and genuine and caring and REALISTIC and strong. i feel the affection for *all* women in your voice and in your answers.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:43am

  663. 663: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Amber: I did live in Hawaii for quite a while but now I am in Northern Cali.

    I feel so appreciative of your style of communication. It really resonates with me. I feel worried that you appreciate your communication or recognize that you also have a gift. I could just be projecting that :-)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:49am

  664. 664: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Amber: I did live in Hawaii for quite a while but now I am in Northern Cali.

    I feel so appreciative of your style of communication. It really resonates with me. I feel worried that you don’t appreciate your communication or recognize that you also have a gift. I could just be projecting that :-)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:50am

  665. 665: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Quick lunch post …

    If anyone has seen Gary Craig’s DVDs, he does the same thing I’m talking about. He can feel others’ feelings including the intensity level … I used to feel so mystified by that. Now I see that everyone has this ability … Just most people haven’t trained themselves to tune in …

    Many people are stuck in judgment, analysis, and interpretation, all of which shut down their ability to be in empathy where the separation between I and you dissolves …

    Mercedes,
    when I read your words, I’m in touch with sadness and mild anger that shows up as lower back pain. I feel a wall between us, and I would like for that wall not to be there anymore …

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:50am

  666. 666: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    G’day Ladies!!! I’ve been reading my Aussie’s friend’s mails….

    I stand by my no I don’t wanna hear truce with Erika, but I wanted to joing in today….to the Nikita show!!

    @ Daria, hey, I missed you – so who is this mystery man, did you lean back, has he called you, what’s uP with it????

    @ Katarina, wow your website rocks! And your site’s name I’ve heard before! Very cool to have such a personality in our midst!

    @ Nikita – you do know about the movie/show La Femme Nikita – I’ve seen the french and two English versions of it…and then it was a cable drama, and now it’s gonna be on WB this fall? It was absolutely amazing to watch each actress make that intro session her OWN. And what was really cool to me was it was the tv star girl who rocked it the best. So, I love the Nikita show.

    Thanks to all who stay and to all who are waiting to post again, I miss you already!

    Happy day, all….
    Jacqueline

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:53am

  667. 667: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Whoops. Sorry for the double post! It didn’t seem to be going through and as I was waiting I realized I meant to say I feel worried that you DONT recognize your own gift for communication.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:54am

  668. 668: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Also wanted to clarify that bitter was a feeling not a judgment.

    I literally felt bitterness come in my mouth reading those words.

    Katarina, I feel utterly disconnected from you. I feel disguised fear in your words. I’m not interested in conversing with you until you put some skin in the game, meaning be vulnerable about your feelings instead of judging me.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:54am

  669. 669: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Oh….back pain….LG how is your SHOULDER??!!! Did you make it through practice okay? please let me know – I actually visualized the muscle and thought that as long as you were hitting down on it, it’d probably be okay….

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:55am

  670. 670: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Aha!!!!

    I own these DVDs Erika speaks of…… I confess :(

    Haha just kidding…. I feel happy owning them :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:55am

  671. 671: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, I love your show. I’ll be tuning in daily

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:55am

  672. 672: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    @ jacqueline

    i was focusing more on the part of the koan where there *is* an answer to the unanswerable questions in life but that they can’t be put into words etc., can’t be taught, you have to find them through intuition…
    i was also connecting with the school of thought that they can be *expressed* but never fully explained…

    which is exactly how i feel about my discoveries here on rori’s blog…. :)

    that was the school of thought i read about which i connected with, but then there were other schools of thought saying that, as you said, there *is* no answer…

    anyway i agree, this is not the place for this discussion and i will contact you if i want to talk about it anymore, thanks for the invitaiton.

    also when i used the word levity i was using it in this sense (one web def):
    “an inappropriate lack of seriousness”

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:56am

  673. 673: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I will also confess……um….let’s see ….. I feel concerned sharing that….. But…… I play what I call psi games…..but that may be the wrong name for it…. Ok…. I have attended what I’d call intuition workshops in the past….. I liken it to a muscle that can atrophy or get stronger…..

    There was a place I’d work on strengthening my intuition via the Internet so I feel uncomfortable with what sounds like sarcasm when anyone here “feels” via cyberspace…. It is possible…. I’ve experienced it and I’ve done it for others ….. No it isn’t ALWAYS accurate but….. 98% feels good enough to explore.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:03pm

  674. 674: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @janjune, IMO as a healter – LMT…..there is never, well except maybe at a funeral – you know, common sense….a time when levity is innapropriate. Humor heals, it eases tense situations, it allows you to step back and I thought it was hilarious when you were posting. I think all emotions should be okay here, no matter what.

    And, in healing, humor can mask stuff that needs to be healed, but that’s another conversation.

    My point in this conversation is to say I don’t know where you got the it’s wrong/innapropriate feeling or self talk, because I liked it.

    I feel happy when we joke and play and have fun here!

    And your saying school of thought I first read as school of LIFE….smile….which you are excelling in btw!

    Best,
    J

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:03pm

  675. 675: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: I’m still feeling fear around sharing my feedback but I do feel open and connected to you and I heard a genuine desire for feedback so I’m going to keep going even in the face of my fear.

    You said: “Also wanted to clarify that bitter was a feeling not a judgment.

    I literally felt bitterness come in my mouth reading those words.”

    I remember you saying that sadness is under anger. My perception is that people often feel triggered when you tell them you feel their anger (or bitterness, which to me feels similar to anger). I’m wondering if people might feel more receptive if you went directly to the feelings of sadness. Sadness feels less triggering to me. Maybe it’s because we’ve been trained to believe anger is bad but it feels less bad to be sad.

    I’m curious if you resonate with this.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:04pm

  676. 676: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Wooohooo.

    The ratings are through the roof for The Nikita Show. Probably why Oprah is throwing in the towel! (insert rodeo voice here).

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:05pm

  677. 677: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    That can’t happen Erika. I’m unable/unwilling to feel good about you telling others and myself how we feel rather than listening (and level 2 or 3 would be nice) and I can’t feel good about your need to be “right” about the feelings of others.

    And you are unable/unwilling to allow me my own feelings without trying to change them into something that works better for your methods of coaching and you can’t feel good about my need to speak in my own voice.

    Your words to Katarina sum up how I see you “I’m not interested in conversing with you until you put some skin in the game, meaning be vulnerable about your feelings instead of judging me.”

    Translation from MY voice: “Do what I say or I’m not talking to you anymore so there.” And the vision in my head: *crosses arms, sticks out lower lip, stomps foot*

    And I know that’s not what’s happening, but when I hear that tone and get that visual from someone, the wall stays up.

    We are at an impasse.

    The wall will, unless one of us seeks help (which doesn’t look promising from my perspective), always be there.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:07pm

  678. 678: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Or maybe going directly to the limiting belief versus pointing out the anger. Feels less triggering to me.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:08pm

  679. 679: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Oooo Nikita!

    I LIKE that association with La Femme Nikita! It’s hard for me to feel connected to the sirens here until I have an association with their name in my head. I wish sometimes there was a little bio linked to each siren’s name. And nested comments (like youtube).

    The Nikita Show!!!!!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:08pm

  680. 680: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Evan Mark Katz….cool, I just asked him a question through his contact form and received a 10 page special report FREE!!! That was unexpected and fun – like a free sample of shampoo you used to receive in the mail or something!

    I feel a fun day coming on…..

    ttyoualll,
    J

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:10pm

  681. 681: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Amber – that’s a way cool avatar and it looks like you!!! Very self expressive!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:12pm

  682. 682: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    how many coaches are on this thread?

    okay, one
    two
    three
    four
    five
    six…

    …interesting, the blog thread for coaches’ debates.

    very interesting…

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:14pm

  683. 683: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: thanks for asking about my shoulder. It still hurts…really bad.

    I went to practice. Didn’t play but sat in so I didn’t miss any new stuff we came up with.

    It’s interesting. The pain is very isolated on what I think is the deltoid muscle. Downward movements are way less painful than trying to lift my arm up or to the side.

    I’m interested in any feedback you have from your perspective as an LMT. I’m also interested in the energetic component…i.e. Shouldering too much responsibility…it being my left arm, receptive arm, being open to receiving.

    I’ve been icing a lot, using tiger balm. I’m feeling a little improvement but still a LOT of pain.

    Luckily I can still type though!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:14pm

  684. 684: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Jacquiline,

    Can you believe I have never seen La Femme Nikita???? Gasp! I can barely believe it. I did see the poster in the subway a few weeks ago though. She looks strong enough to play my perception of the archetype. I wasn’t a fan of the other actress though….dunno her name…but I saw a few show clips on YouTube…. But, I was a big fan of Bridgette Fonda in point of no return. There was a mood, melancholy vulnerability that appealed to me. Along with the “Nina Simone” music…. I’ve seen her live!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know!!!
    How blessed am I ?????? I feel very content about that. Sigh…… The tickets were a Bday gift……in fact!!!!

    I feel another song coming on……

    This one is for Erika…..by Nina …..

    ……I’m just a soul whose intentions are gooooooood, oh Lord, please don’t let me be mis……Understood…. :)

    Yay…fun with words and random connections on The Nikita Show!!!!!

    I feel ….empty :)
    Expressed . That feels good.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:15pm

  685. 685: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i feel appreciative of rori holding space for the coaches to hold this debate.

    i feel grateful that all the coaches have space to express their point of view and its validity.

    i feel privileged that rori is exposing goddesses to the full circle of ideas here.

    balance, passion, overall viewpoint

    i feel wholeness through the clatter of differing ideas.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:19pm

  686. 686: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi brenda!

    i love your poem.

    i took ryan out of the equation and read it as just a goddess expressing to herself how she felt about herself with no man in the picture…

    all the love we can give to ourselves, etc.

    …that felt supergood!

    love, janjune

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:27pm

  687. 687: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! The ratings are through the roof! Move over Oprah!

    Nikita: I’m still laughing about your response to me about being a hippie and about how you said you get excited seeing the thong birks. That was such a cute image for me.

    I’ve actually never owned a pair of Birkenstocks but I have lived exclusively for years in a pair of Tevas or Keems. They are great for hiking to rivers, riding my bike to the ocean. I have climbed coconut trees and am pretty good with a machete.

    Ooooo wow! All of a sudden I’m remember being in new York city for a visit and this guy coming up and saying “you’re not from around here are you?” and I said “how did you know?” and he said “cuz no women from here would be seen wearing those shoes”.

    Ewwwww that felt icky. I’m seeing a memory or belief coming up for me to heal.

    Okay, this feels interesting. Not quite sure where to go with this. Wondering how I let go of the bad feelings I have associated with this memory.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:28pm

  688. 688: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    Hi lg

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:28pm

  689. 689: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    Woa,

    Machete. Wow. Um….. Yeah….uh. No connection. Oooh wait! I loved romancing the stone. There was a machete in that movie, right?

    I feel really good about my Emmy Nomination…..winning isn’t everything it feels really good just to be nominated :) ha!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:32pm

  690. 690: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I feel shaky. I feel quivering. I feel vulnerable. I feel delighted. I feel naked. I feel intensely feminine and yearning for a man to ravish me. I feel passionate. I feel alive.

    And I hear a lot of Sirens saying, ‘I’m intrigued by your message. Just please don’t tell me what to do. Don’t tell me that your way is the only way. Let me decide for myself.’

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:45pm

  691. 691: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    644: Renee says:

    “Jason — I appreciate your perspective and had considered the same thing. It’s not so much that he wanted to lock me in after the first date, it’s after the 4th date that this discussion surfaced. Nevertheless, I do sense a certain “neediness” in him and that is a turn off.

    The Spaniard says he used to take the approach I’m taking now but that he’s decided that doesn’t lead to happiness…I don’t know, perhaps he’s right, but the fact that he ruled me out right away based on my not wanting to get exclusive right away tells me he’s not my forever guy either…so the search continues.”

    First date, fourth date, doesn’t matter much when. What matters is that you sensed the neediness anyway and you are justifiably feeling much less attraction for him. Men tend to feel neediness toward women when they believe that any woman of minimal qualifications will be the key to their happiness. A man who already has a purpose or a mission higher than himself does not require a woman to give his life meaning. Pretty simple.

    As for the Spaniard, who is he to dictate to you what will make you happy? Like he can even tell after four dates? Keep dating. :-)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:47pm

  692. 692: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    We now return from our music break…..let’s hear it for the very talented Nina Simone – (applause)

    I feel a connection!!!!!! My fave nail salon is across the street from Keen’s steakhouse !!!!!!

    Wow! I mean this is the best. The girl sent me to a good facsimile of heaven during the foot massage….. My LI would park in front of Keens to pick me up….sigh….
    Now that I don’t live as close and the salons around just feel scary….so I don’t bother…..

    But that’s the place I was picturing when I wrote about the nail salon :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:51pm

  693. 693: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok it is one block away…..across the street…..been awhile :)
    There’s a dress shop across the street.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:52pm

  694. 694: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh! LG,
    I have to retract that, you wrote keems :(

    I feel defeated, I give up. No, I feel deflated….

    Nikita needs to touch up her lipstick and have some coffee.

    We are going to take a commercial break and come back with More Show!!!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:58pm

  695. 695: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: I love machetes! They are so useful for opening refreshing coconuts and drinking their nectar, for cutting through the jungle to get to a glorious yummy sweet piece of fruit, for cutting branches to feed to my goat friends, for clearing space to build a jungle temple.

    And they can also be very pretty. There are nice handmade ones from brazil with cute little curved blades and inlays on the handle. I find them to really be quite lovely I have to say.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 12:58pm

  696. 696: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    I’d like to share an interesting article from salon that confirms what I’ve been saying all along re. sex (before commitment):

    http://www.salon.com/life/broadsheet/index.html?story=/mwt/broadsheet/2010/08/23/hook_up_relationships&source=newsletter&utm_source=contactology&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Salon_Daily%2520Newsletter%2520%2528Not%2520Premium%2529_7_30_110

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:01pm

  697. 697: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    660: Katarina Phang says:
    “Mercedes:
    “An example: Jason said something really nice about her…it was very cool on its own merits with no other comment necessary as far as I was concerned. When nobody reacted, she reached out for attention. Her ego was fed by Jason, but not enough because it wasn’t validated by anyone else. Once that validation happened though, she was able to let it go. I suspect a different result if someone had spoken out with less than good feelings the comment produced but…there’s no way of knowing that.”

    Yeah, I found it really strange….like c’mon guys, aren’t you touched by his testimony? I am not hearing any clapping here.

    That’s not something a secure person would do, unless I miss the context here.”

    I think you missed the context. I posted that because that was my experience. I couldn’t care less if anybody clapped.

    Egos are like assholes, as the old joke goes, we all have one. They represent our evolutionary legacy and we need to respect our egos, but we don’t have to let them run the show. (We are talking about “shows,” right?)

    I heard once that we should treat them as loyal pets that need to be watered, fed, walked, and groomed. Think about your dog or cat living in your space. Do you let them run amok or do you maintain a healthy, disciplined relationship with your pet? If you let them be the wild things they are, they’ll tear your house apart and drive you crazy! If you take good care of them and lead and teach them well, you’ll have a friend for life.

    You may ask, what the hell is my ego good for then? It can’t love me back like my doggie or kitty! Well, it a way it does. Your ego is really good at motivating you in certain situations. And it can be useful to solve logical problems. It’s also good as an early warning system to fear and potential danger. **And we definitely use it to signal where the areas are that we need to heal.** The key is to observe it as objectively as possible and not react immediately to everything it does and says. That’s the “sacred pause.” But that’s a practice like any other Buddhist practice. You just keep doing it and it gets easier over time.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:03pm

  698. 698: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, I think you misunderstood what we said. We were referring to Erika’s post after yours as follows:

    “I feel bemused by the silence about Jason’s ‘expert laser surgeon’ comment. I feel a disconnect. I’ll explore more when I get to a more comfortable feeling location.”

    It feels like she was not at peace that no one was responding to your testimony of her magic power.

    She needed the standing ovation and it wasn’t happening and she was demanding it from her audience here so she had to mention it (how come nobody’s giving me the attention I so crave?). That’s how I read it….unless, again, I miss the context.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:12pm

  699. 699: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jason: I really resonate with your explanation of the ego. I feel impressed with your articulation. I just love men!

    I also feel amused by a difference I am seeing in how you are developing your communication style here. I’ve noticed you started out documented very clearly exactly who you are responding to and even what sentences you were responding to within their posts. And then I saw you switching it up a little bit…labeling your voice and theirs. I dunno. I may be mixing the details up a bit but what I’m trying to say is I feel amused watching you do this and I feel curious about your impressions of our more feminine free for all type of communication here?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:19pm

  700. 700: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ LG – wow I wrote all this stuff about getting rid of pain, and hit paste and deleted it. OMgosh….

    so this is LOST now and not Nikita? ha ha….

    Take machete and cut through energetic ties to any persons/negative beliefs – tool old as time. in front, back, above, below….so that you and only you are in your space and you are protected and safe…..

    Repeat motion this time not hurting yourself ….somehow affects the body/mind connection and lessens pain each time the outcome doesn’t hurt.. Way sucessful when I stub my toe, hit my hip bone, etc.

    Dialogue with it……if it were a color, what color would it be, if it could hold water, how much water would it hold, if it were a sensation other than pain, what would that sensation be – now check it, and repeat questions, or those similar – notice how it changes, maybe disappears.

    What would it feel like to not be able to receive? to let your band down? What possible payoff could there be if you were unable to perform?

    btw a LOT of people – not YOU of course, want to hang onto their illness as there is a payoff in it somewhere….

    and what were you doing that moment when you made that motion – trying to be heard? liking what you were hearing? sending instead of receiving? what exactly was that night/moment about? replay mentally with a positive ending where there is no pain….

    AND I love the idea of an oh so uncomfortable pain in the butt Birkenstock thong….rofl…..

    let me know how any of this works for you, ‘kay?

    xoxo,
    J

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:23pm

  701. 701: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 705: Katarina Phang

    Interesting article, Katarina. I have had relationships start out immediately sexual and become immediately committed before. It’s actually not that hard to do if both people WANT to be in a relationship to begin with. So I agree with the article that it is certainly possible.

    The problem is that you don’t know if the person is good relationship material if you get all attached through having sex first. So the evaluation of the person as a viable boyfriend or girlfriend is not handled objectively. BOTH men and women get their brains soaked in happy hormones after having sex. It will give you rose colored glasses and affect your judgement. It can potentially take you off course.

    I believe the issue has to do with risk management. Delaying sex extends the period of time where you can evaluate the man BEFORE you are awash with happy hormones. You will simply have access to more and more accurate information about him as a potential mate. If you jump into sex, you’re losing some of your objectivity and you may enter a situation you’ll have to extract yourself out of later on. We know that can be painful.

    So this movement toward commitment before sex is a valid one for relationship-oriented women. Women are reacting to the pain resulting from jumping in too fast and getting burned. It is part of the process. For the relationship oriented man, it is a similar experience. For the player, well, that’s a whole ‘nother topic.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:23pm

  702. 702: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    I was picturing you opening coconuts before I read the post(while at commercial break)you wrote :)

    I can almost feel different wrist muscles imagining a WLAN with a machete ….. And it brings octavia butler to mind….

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:25pm

  703. 703: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ The Lovely Ms. Phang…..thank you for taking up the elephant feeling thing in the room, and for your clarity and refusal to be baited. Feels good to let it go for me!

    @ Jason – Hi, and if you address the comments or the particular person you don’t have to copy the whole thing again – that is really distracting to me, feels like it has your name but I know I just read someone else saying it?

    I wonder if your seperation of your “ego” into a thing like a pet or whatever makes you feel split at all? It would me. And how that split or whatever you would term it fits in with holistic coaching? Wouldn’t holistic be all of you, or whatever part of you would contain all of you?

    So, one thing I’ve noticed is all of this is about getting rid of negative beliefs – and I invite everyone to share what their most powerful POSITIVE belife is!

    Jacqueline

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:29pm

  704. 704: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Why does that say WLAN???? WTF ? I wrote woman there….this auto-fill spell check crap on the iPad feels frustrating to me :(

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:29pm

  705. 705: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina: I feel inspired to point something out and I feel scared I won’t communicate it well and it won’t come acroos right.

    I’m gonna try though. I’d like to request that you listen wwith your “giving me the benefit of the doubt” filters on.

    I felt confused also when I read Erika’s comment asking about the laser comment so I asked her for more clarification. She hasn’t answered yet and so I have suspended my judgement until she does. I though that I too may have missed the context.

    I don’t feel triggered by it though. I feel okay with suspending my judgement until she clarifies.

    Then I noticed your post above where you posted the link to the salon article and said that it confirmed what you were saying.

    When I read that I also wondered what your intentions where posting that. Did your ego need acknowledgement? I don’t know but the question came up just like it did when I read Erikas comment.

    So the message I’m getting here is we are all mirroring things back to each other and the things we get triggered about in others are the things we don’t like about ourselves.

    How do you feel about what I said?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:30pm

  706. 706: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG: RE: #640 – I’ve already stated that I operate in both my girl and boy energies. I am comfortable with that, and I believe each has its place.

    I embrace my boy energy and have every intention of continuing to operate in boy energy when I deem it appropriate.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:33pm

  707. 707: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    > 707: Katarina Phang says:
    >
    > Jason, I think you misunderstood what we said. We were referring to Erika’s post after
    > yours as follows:
    >
    > …

    OK, that’s cool.

    > 708: Laughing goddess says:
    >
    > Jason: I really resonate with your explanation of the ego. I feel impressed with your
    > articulation. I just love men!

    Thanks. The metaphor isn’t mine, but the explanation of it is.

    > I also feel amused by a difference I am seeing in how you are developing your
    > communication style here. I’ve noticed you started out documented very clearly
    > exactly
    > who you are responding to and even what sentences you were responding to within
    > their posts. And then I saw you switching it up a little bit…labeling your voice and
    > theirs. I dunno. I may be mixing the details up a bit but what I’m trying to say is I feel
    > amused watching you do this and I feel curious about your impressions of our more
    > feminine free for all type of communication here?

    Quite honestly, I’m frustrated as hell with the lack of nested threading on WordPress comments. Makes it difficult for me to keep track of all the conversations. My embedding individual sentences quoted in individual posts is an old holdover from the pre-World Wide Web days. It’s how people kept track of conversations in multiple email exchanges. I’m trying different ways to simulate that here, but I haven’t found the way that works best for me. You all seem content just making the comment number reference, but that’s too vague for me sometimes.

    Keep in mind that my brain has been soaked in large doses of testosterone since puberty, so that predisposes me to linear, targeted, focused thinking. It takes real mental work to map everything that’s been happening in this remarkable 700+ post thread. But it’s been a blast hanging out. Can’t tear myself away from all these really interesting topics.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:35pm

  708. 708: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline-

    Thanks- That’s me in my boy clothes. GRIN. You can make one too at www stortroopers com. It’s like playing with digital paper dolls.

    I just realized that use of a gravatar can result in anyone who wants hunting you down anywhere you use it on the web. It’s a graphic and it has a certain value so if someone wanted to they could find everywhere that value is referenced and so find everything you post. Hrm. Interesting.

    LG-
    I lived in Santa Barbara for the first 35 years of my life. Your shoe story reminds me of going to see the tree at Rockefeller CNTR in my overalls and keds the first year I lived here. Turnip Truck, anyone?

    I can guess how surprising and bad that must have felt to be talked to like that. I hope you are laughing about that guy now.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:38pm

  709. 709: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, thanks for your hospitality and kind words, always.

    LG, appreciate your honesty. I posted it because we were talking about it on the other thread at length. Just sharing, that’s all. As I always say, take it as it’s worth. :)

    I’m more interested in the content of a discussion (the “male voice” in me) than in the “who triggering/mirroring whom.” That’s why I really don’t talk about anyone’s feelings much here (mine or others). That’s the rational “male voice” in me. Just saying it as it is -and trying as much as possible not to offend anyone, but it’s not always successful, I gathered- and your feeling about what I say is your own responsibility and it’s up to you what you’re gonna do about it.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:38pm

  710. 710: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ha ha Nikita! I was picturing an Internet connection (WLAN) with a machete and feeling confused!

    Oh yes, the joy of typing on iPhones and ipads. I’m learning to love my typos slowly but surely. I went through a phase were my spellcheck kept changing my words to sexual ones. Tests became testes, bought became breast. It felt quite silly.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:39pm

  711. 711: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello,
    The Nikita Show is shamelessly plugging Oprah’s show today. Todd from Different Strokes does an interview at the end and I feel so moved by this man’s story. He reads a short passage from his book and mentions pulling away from Janet Jackson because she was the only woman he just didn’t want to hurt through his destructive relationship patterning….. Not his words/ me paraphrasing…..

    I feel mildly annoyed to be endorsing an Oprah show but here on The Nikita Show…..we don’t let emotions get in the way of a really good time ;)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:42pm

  712. 712: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Man…wish they had edit button here :(: take it FOR it’s worth…thats’ what I meant to say. But I guess I’m being finicky on myself.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:42pm

  713. 713: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune, thanks for your compliment on the poem.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:43pm

  714. 714: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    I love your computer’s sense of humor ;)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:47pm

  715. 715: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina: wow! I feel clear. You expressed your interests and your preferences and I feel okay with it. I have different desire being on here but I believe we can cooexist. That feels good. That feels like respect.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:48pm

  716. 716: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Brenda…..the poem is lovely and at the same time it makes me feel sad that you can’t recreate what you had. And I missed you, cheeky one, sassy one, don’t break that easy one. smile….

    What is your most positive belief regarding a new relationship?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:51pm

  717. 717: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: right now I feel very triggered by you and as I said before, I’m choosing to take my triggers in small, digestible bites.

    Therefore I am choosing to end this conversation with you and focus on putting energy in to ones that feel better.

    I hope you understand.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:53pm

  718. 718: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 712: Jacqueline

    Yeah, I haven’t found the best way to quote other peoples’ comments yet. If I respond to you I won’t quote you, OK? For you I’ll do it that way.

    The question was basically does the separation of your ego from yourself make you feel split. And how does that fit into “holistic coaching” since that can be defined as “all of you.”

    The answer is an emphatic ‘no.’ I do not feel split in the least. In fact, I would argue that the ego itself actively RESISTS the notion that it is separate from your higher self. It really does want to believe it’s in charge, not just of you as a person, but of your entire experience of other people and the world at large. It basically is your reptilian brain. It runs at a lower evolutionary level than the rest of your brain.

    Think of the ego as legacy software. The company can’t run without it, but it’s not the software that’s driving creativity and innovation at the company. Innovative software is all the Photoshops and Digital content creation software that people use to create beautiful pictures and movies. Or the software development activities that lead to the next cool iPhone app. The legacy software is something like the software that’s running the accounting system. It’s absolutely essential and it’s been around long before all the creative stuff came along, but it’s nowhere near as advanced or capable as your higher level software packages.

    So when you say “holistic” you mean the entire person and all his or her parts. It is often helpful to distinguish those parts and deal with their issues individually as well as in concert. I argue it is absolutely critical you start to observe and separate yourself from your ego in order to achieve real growth. I also say forgive yourself and other people when the egos take over. Egos just do that all the time. It’s in their nature.

    I think of the story of the scorpion hitching a ride on the frog’s back to get across the river. The frog agrees but only if the scorpion doesn’t sting him. The scorpion agrees to the terms of the verbal contract. Halfway across the scorpion stings the frog. As they are sinking into to the water facing certain death, the frog asks, “Why?” The scorpion replies, “It’s in my nature.” So it is with your ego. It’s in your nature.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:56pm

  719. 719: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline-

    Here’s my FAVORITE belief. I read it in Shambhala Sun magazine in an article on meditation a couple years ago and I keep coming back to it:

    You already have everything you need to be happy.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:56pm

  720. 720: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m practicing the walk-away… A Rori tool that I haven’t been so great at in the past. Yes! I must say it feels good.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 1:58pm

  721. 721: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jason: re: #715

    yes, that what I was imaging was happening… Your maculine, linear, laser focused brain being tweaked out by our multi-tasking, free association feminine style. Thanks for sticking in there.

    Rori did change it for a bit to a more thread/response type of thing. I was one of the ones who requested that she change it back. I love having to read through everyone’s posts. I love being nestled in the thick of it all.

    I wish there was some way to have a choice. Like a buton we could click that displayed it one way or the other. Haha! The buttons could be labeled “feminine style communication” and “masculine style communication” and not only would it change the way the threads are laid out, it would also translate the words into the desired language. I think would be translated into I feel.

    Ya! May be cool, may be creepy?

    What do you think?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:07pm

  722. 722: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    #730 Laughing goddess

    Only creepy if a computer is doing the translation between the masculine and feminine language styles!!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:11pm

  723. 723: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: I feel so appreciative of your suggestions. I’m feeling into it all. Just feeling, not ready to express yet.

    And I love the idea of sharing a positive belief! Sound like a topic that would be featured on the Emmy nominated Nikita show!

    So, my positive belief…

    I am always connected to god, I am always abundant, I am always cared for, the only thing that makes me feel separate is my own illusion which I have the power to dissolve at any time.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:11pm

  724. 724: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jason: ya, that feels creepy to me too…a computer doing it.

    I’m intrigued though. I feel curious.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:14pm

  725. 725: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Amber, LG – LOVE the beliefs!!! and the power to dissolve illusions? Wow, oh wow….

    Re: Gravitar, hmmmmm….it has a lot of good stuff but once I entered a primary email, I cannot delete it. Good thing I didn’t use my business-ey one, thanks Amber for that.

    @ Jason,

    Love the explanation and your eloquence, et. al., don’t agree with all the content because for me splitting myself up has never worked, and I LOVE my reptilian brain. grin…thanks for writing. You don’t have to never quote me, just not the whole post – whatever words you are addressing, or whatever you like.

    I feel that anything we express on here is merely a desire, and all others can still do any dang thing they like…..ack! even if it’s sting us in the river….love that story, too…..but it feels good when others honor my requests!

    Off for now, all….have a great day!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:21pm

  726. 726: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Jaqueline!!!

    Thank you for coming up with this positive idea. I am so happy! I am excited to hear all of the positive beliefs!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:21pm

  727. 727: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    My belief: ‘everything is in perfect divine order, even when it appears not to be.’

    Jason, my sacred pause omw to dentist:

    Mercedes, I am holding space for the immovable wall between us,

    Jacqueline, I am holding space for ‘no truce.’

    Katarina, I am holding space for ‘no I don’t see a mirror or a trigger here.’

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:38pm

  728. 728: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, if I want the attention or to compete with you I will just go ahead talking about myself incessantly and how wonderful my coaching techniques are and how much money I’ve made and how many people I have helped and how 100% accurate I am in reading minds/feelings. Or put up my half naked pictures on my Facebook page/website.

    Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re lovely and I applaud you for being bold to have all of you out there. I don’t hold it against you. That’s your authentic self. I’m just giving you a sense where I’m coming from.

    It’s just not me/my style. I’m much more private than that. Not everyone is craving for attention him/herself when pointing that out in others. I’m in fact rather shy in that department.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:47pm

  729. 729: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    I am trying to read through all of the posts, but I feel stuck at LG’s childhood happenings about her mom getting beaten and I feel really, really bad and sick and nauseus. LG, I wanna beat the effing daylights out of your stepfather. UGH I feel ANGRY. Yuck, yuck, Pwah!!! Trying to process getting through the rest of this thread, because I feel paralyzed and stuck on this image. I feel like crying and very angry and protective of all women and mothers and children everywhere. I feel so sad now. I feel angry too.

    I feel shaky and nauseated

    I feel a stinging lump in my throat

    I feel like collapsing in tears and pounding on the floor

    I feel like screaming and running after this man with a sharp knife!

    *Exhale* I feel relaxed now

    Trying to love all my feelings…yes, yes I DO love all of my feelings, and I especially love my protectiveness of women and mothers everywhere.
    I feel sad and angy and like crying and I love it all.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:48pm

  730. 730: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lol … Ah well that’s too bad cuz I bet you’d look hot half naked :p

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:50pm

  731. 731: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, LOL…at least we can agree on something ;).

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 2:51pm

  732. 732: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    AJ, yeah me too … LG image

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:01pm

  733. 733: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    698: Erika Awakening says:

    I feel shaky. I feel quivering. I feel vulnerable. I feel delighted. I feel naked. I feel intensely feminine and yearning for a man to ravish me. I feel passionate. I feel alive.

    And I hear a lot of Sirens saying, ‘I’m intrigued by your message. Just please don’t tell me what to do. Don’t tell me that your way is the only way. Let me decide for myself.’

    WOW

    THIS FEELS VERY GOOD TO READ! This feels interesting. I am curious about it and I feel relieved.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:06pm

  734. 734: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like Eeyore … ‘it’s no use Piglet. This wall is immovable. We may as well go home. And it’s probably going to rain too. Ho hum.’

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:16pm

  735. 735: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    AJ:

    awww, I feel sad my childhood memory is provoking such intense feelings in you. I feeling trusting though that it is okay. I feel relieved when you say you love the intense feelings. I feel a little guilty. I love my guilt.

    Ahhhhh, reminding myself to breathe. All is well.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:19pm

  736. 736: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel good reading Katarina and Erika agreeing on something. I agree too!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:21pm

  737. 737: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m just remembering something else that made me laugh last night…when Erika said “should I say sh!t instead”. Just paraphrasing but damn, I felt quite amused reading that.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:24pm

  738. 738: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, I love that you mentioned “500 Days of Summer”! I mentioned that a couple months ago on here. My kids and I debated what was going on there — at first their take was “Summer was so mean to the poor guy!” — but I could see myself in her :) and explained to my kids the other perspective . . . I didn’t convince them entirely, but we all agreed it ended up happily for both of them anyway. :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:25pm

  739. 739: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    My belief; in the beginning was the word…..

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:26pm

  740. 740: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I would love to see all of us using Rori’s tool of NON-JUDGMENT. That tool alone would clear up so much of the drama on here. It would feel so free and open and healing if it were a no-judgment zone. <3

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:27pm

  741. 741: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “…and that a lot of healing is going on right here right now …”

    I feel that too. And I love what LG wrote. <3

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:29pm

  742. 742: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Amber:

    “I can guess how surprising and bad that must have felt to be talked to like that. I hope you are laughing about that guy now.”

    not really laughing just yet but I would like to be. I just realized as I was typing to Nikita that it bothered me and was coloring my interaction with her today. Still working on the laughing about it part.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:31pm

  743. 743: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Janjune: I’m feeling shaking and scared to acknowledge your hello. I’m still feeling residual anger from our interaction a few days ago. I’d like to let it go. I feel scared of being attacked for having fun. I feel resentful seeing you joke about levity after what you said when I was trying to have fun.

    I was just trying to not engage but I see you making an effort to reach out and that feels good but I still feel scared.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:36pm

  744. 744: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel compelled to change my name to The Simply Shannon Show. All Shannon… all the time. Holla”

    Lol. I was thinking along those lines too! How ’bout the I Love Lucy Show. ;)

    I felt a little left out when I read that it felt like the Erika Show to some people, cuz I was thinking it felt like the Lucy Show to me! Lol! It’s all about perception. :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:36pm

  745. 745: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    I really appreciated your comments about bitterness and anger, and I’d like to ask you some sincere questions because I’d appreciate your insights

    1. Would it be congruent or authentic if I feel bitterness (not as a judgment but as an empathic feeling) and call it sadness, which feels totally different to me?

    2. What if someone’s trigger around acknowledging bitterness or anger is actually shame and a limiting belief someone taught them about it not being okay to have and express their true feelings?

    3. What if hitting that trigger is necessary for healing because it brings the shame and limiting belief to the surface so they can be transformed by conscious awareness?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:36pm

  746. 746: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Erika. Just wanting to let you know I read your questions. I feel unsure and needing to process them in my head for a bit. I feel a genuine curiosity from you and that feels good.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:39pm

  747. 747: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel sometimes like we (me too) can get the ‘letter of the law’ but not the spirit of it”

    I feel this, too, Amber — and am consciously working on embracing and embodying the spirit of it rather than the letter. It’s all about the vibe…. I’m learning!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:39pm

  748. 748: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    747: Lucy

    Yeah, “500 Days of Summer” was a tough one for a guy like me to watch. If the protagonist were my friend, I’d tell him to extract himself from her and get on with his life. But he had to play it that way, so that’s what he had to learn before he could meet “Autumn.” All part of the painful growth process I guess. At least he was rewarded for his journey.

    Zoe Deschanel is intoxicating, so I can understand his inability to resist her.

    And what’s all this I hear about Erika and Katarina admiring each other’s bodies? I’m trying to keep it on the level over here and you’re distracting me. ;-)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:44pm

  749. 749: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    On a side note, I just figured out a quick way to get to the bottom of the page on long threads without scrolling. It’s similar to what Nikita was trying to say (maybe exactly what she was saying, not sure). But if the computer puts one at the top of the page that contains the full article, one can just scroll down to the bottom of the article and click leave a message.

    I was going to the main home page and clicking leave a message under the abbreviated article which was still faster than scrolling down but this way leaves out the step of going to the main page.

    I feel so excited!

    And a little worried I might seem dumb cuz everyone already know this.

    Quiet NV’s!!! Please!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:46pm

  750. 750: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LG,

    I love your guilt too. I guess that’s my way of saying you totally don’t have to feel guilty at all for me, but if you do I love it and accept it. *Big Hug*

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:50pm

  751. 751: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I felt triggered, too, by Erika’s voice initially (months ago) — but I was working with the ideas of Francis Lucille, Eckhart Tolle, and Michael Brown at the time, and saw that this triggering was really about something inside ME. So, I processed it, worked through it, and now I can hear her beautiful, strong voice without my personal filters. It feels wonderful! And now I feel that I can both receive from her and give to her — the path is open and free.

    (My triggers around her had to do with ME feeling criticized and shamed for having a strong, unique voice in my teens and twenties — kind of a shadow thing for me.)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:50pm

  752. 752: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    And one more question, LG,

    would it be worth it to you to have all your buttons pushed if you knew you were engaged in a process that would erase those triggers forever, and nobody would ever be able to have button pushing power over you ever again?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:54pm

  753. 753: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

    “No one can make you feel drained without your consent.” – The Lucy Show

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:55pm

  754. 754: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    …The I Love Lucy Show

    Here on the Siren Channel we have all goddess all the time.

    And if you tune in after hours you may get half nude goddesses. #738/739!!! Oh my goodness, will we need to scramble this channel soon?

    Or will we agree to call it art? LOL

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 3:56pm

  755. 755: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Art :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:01pm

  756. 756: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, I’m just calling beautiful art as is…now go back to business and esoteric spirituality and stuff -thinking with your big head that is. ;)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:04pm

  757. 757: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh. I feel sad. More judgment here. Why does there have to be so much judgment?

    I understand though. The reason I get triggered by Katarina’s and Mercedes’ judgments of Erika is because I used to judge people like that too — and I feel sad that I used to do that to people — all under the guise (speaking of myself) of wisdom and love and intelligence — I see my past self there — my past ego — and it feels a little scary remembering that part of myself — maybe it needs a cookie :) For me, I believe it came from insecurity and fear and shame.

    I feel really glad that TN man worked with me so thoroughly and compassionately this past year to help heal me from judging — myself and others. Rori and Erika and others on here help me continue to heal in this area. It feels very good. I feel grateful to be able to teach this to my children as well.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:09pm

  758. 758: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel kinda scared that that last post will feel bad to some — that it will seem like I am “making them wrong.” That is not my intent, and I’m sorry if it came across that way.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:12pm

  759. 759: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    LG-

    For me I feel like the guy was really insecure. He had serious issues if he couldn’t accept the shoes you chose to wear. Good grief. I mean, seriously!?!?

    I kinda wonder what was in his sad little past that turned him into THAT guy. You know, the guy who had to comment on someone else’s shoes. Whoa. I hope one day he is… enlightened.

    I feel bad that he chose that day and you to make himself feel better. And I feel bad because no amount of snarky shoe commenting will ever fix what is in his soul, or make him in any way better. Maybe you’ve carried a little bit of his damaged self with you all this time since and now you can let go of it.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:14pm

  760. 760: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    The weird thing is, anyone who wants to can post as much or more than Erika is posting. We all get to choose how much we post. I feel confused.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:17pm

  761. 761: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lol. Love your show, Nikita!

    I was talking to my kids en route to college today about you girls (and Jason). When I mentioned you, Nikita — you live in India, right? — my older son’s eyes lit up and he said you need to date his brother (he woulda said himself but he has a gf he adores)! He also requested that I tell this to you. :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:22pm

  762. 762: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ahhhhh, Amber sinking in to what you are saying about the shoe man. Slowly letting it go.

    Thanks so much for offering your perspective.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:25pm

  763. 763: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “oh there was so much drama but there will be a story for another day”

    Katarina, I would LOVE to hear your story whenever you feel ready to share. <3

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:25pm

  764. 764: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I love your dirty nails. <3

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:27pm

  765. 765: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel intrigued by how different people interpret the same exact thing so differently.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:29pm

  766. 766: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, I feel delighted by the idea of half naked Goddesses lounging all over … relaxing … being swooned over by ultra masculine strong men who provide …

    I’m holding space for all the feelings that seem to get triggered by my presence here, which isn’t really any bigger of a presence than anybody else, as we are all equal …

    and I remember that when I first started reading A Course in Miracles in earnest, for the first time in my life I had panic attacks. That’s about the ultimate in intense triggering, and I could have rejected the book … but I didn’t … in fact, it was a page turner … I couldn’t put it down. The fact that it triggered the hell out of me sure didn’t mean the book was “bad” for me. No … I feel very grateful to that book because it liberated my whole belief system and my life …

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:33pm

  767. 767: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Am I getting Nikita confused with someone else? Didn’t you used to have a picture? Am I confused?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:34pm

  768. 768: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Now I see that everyone has this ability … Just most people haven’t trained themselves to tune in …”

    I agree!

    “Many people are stuck in judgment, analysis, and interpretation, all of which shut down their ability to be in empathy where the separation between I and you dissolves …”

    Agree again.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:37pm

  769. 769: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, and that book doesn’t pussyfoot around. It doesn’t walk on eggshells. This is how it begins:

    “This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary. Free will does not mean that you can establish the curriculum. It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time. The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing blocks [did you hear that, removing blocks, lol] to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance. The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite.

    “This course can therefore be summed up very simply in this way:

    Nothing real can be threatened.
    Nothing unreal exists.

    Herein lies the peace of God.”

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:38pm

  770. 770: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I Love Lucy,

    I never had a picture. And being in India feels way more exotic than I claim. The Nikita Show is produced in the capital of the world (according to former Mayor, Giulliani) ;) ,
    NYC .

    Thanks for your support.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:44pm

  771. 771: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    705: Jason sounds just like TN man! Good stuff!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:50pm

  772. 772: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: where are the quotes from #776 from? I don’t recognize them.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:52pm

  773. 773: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, love love love your response to the article! Yes!!!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:54pm

  774. 774: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “So the message I’m getting here is we are all mirroring things back to each other and the things we get triggered about in others are the things we don’t like about ourselves.”

    Thanks, LG.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:57pm

  775. 775: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, for what it’s worth — I feel very good about the way you format your comments.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 4:59pm

  776. 776: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Omg, is Katarina flirting with me, lol? I feel confused ;)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:03pm

  777. 777: BellaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad and exhausted reading these blogs lately. I have never been an active poster here, but it has been a refuge and a blessing for me because I have learned so much from Rori and the other Sirens.

    Now, I feel knots in my stomach and tension in my shoulders and my back hurts because this negative energy is just blasting out of my computer.

    There are many times when sirens disagree and words are exchanged and feelings are explored and I can sift through the things that I can relate to and that will help me grow in my journey. Things heat up between people and then it’s over.

    This is never ending though, and I feel so annoyed reading the same attacks from the same two or three people, just on a different post. I don’t feel that this is based on Rori’s tools and I feel frustrated and angry, and I don’t want to feel this way.

    I feel mistrustful of those that attack and I can feel the anger and bitterness and it makes me feel sad and helpless that this blog has become a battlefield instead of a support system. I may not agree with everything that Erica says, but when I read her posts, I do not feel any anger projecting from them, even when she is defending herself. This is the kind of Siren I want to be!

    I urge those who are here to only create chaos on what is normally peaceful and loving Siren Island to please start offering something worthwhile that we can agree or disagree on in a constructive way, where we all benefit from whatever the message is you are trying to convey, or else please leave.

    Thank you for listening.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:04pm

  778. 778: BellaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry Erika, I spelled your name wrong in the previous post.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:07pm

  779. 779: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, thank you for 723 to Katarina — I hadn’t seen it that way until you wrote that — now I see it, too!

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:10pm

  780. 780: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Eeyore: “Good day, Piglet. Good day, Pooh. If it IS a good day. Which I doubt.”

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:15pm

  781. 781: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, you never had a picture on here? Then who am I thinking of????

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:22pm

  782. 782: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, the quotes are from one of Erika’s posts on this thread– not sure which #….

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:23pm

  783. 783: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    OH! I was thinking of ANkita! That explains a LOT! I’ve been wondering why “her” voice sounded so different lately — almost like a different person. Lol. It IS a different person! Sorry, Nikita and Ankita! Btw, where is Ankita?

    …..I wonder if this thread will pass 1000.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:35pm

  784. 784: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    “the things we get triggered about in others are the things we don’t like about ourselves.”

    sometimes though not always. it’s a good place to start though. sometimes it’s a quality we fear because we recognize it from our past, and sometimes it’s something we fear becoming, as in it probably resonates something from our past as well.
    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 5:54pm

  785. 785: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Eeyore: “Good day, Piglet. Good day, Pooh. If it IS a good day. Which I doubt.”

    Lucy, I love this, I have been laughing for the last couple hours, it feels wonderful … I don’t remember ever laughing so much on Siren Island, it feels like the vibe here is awesome right now.

    Bella, thank you, I feel very seen reading your post.

    “If I defend myself, I am attacked.” – ACIM

    Therefore, I choose not to defend myself.

    And now, it’s time to drive into sessions … so I will give the gift of SILENCE to all those whose buttons I push … for now … but always remember,

    “Wherever you go, there you are.”

    And wherever I go away, there you still are. With the same buttons, even if I’m not pushing them, until those buttons are gone.

    Hugs :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 6:01pm

  786. 786: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    ““Wherever you go, there you are.”

    And wherever I go away, there you still are. With the same buttons, even if I’m not pushing them, until those buttons are gone.”

    Lol. :D

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 6:04pm

  787. 787: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Every affliction works for you.
    ….every affliction is hired by you to develop you…….

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 6:12pm

  788. 788: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    > 765: Katarina Phang says:
    >
    > Jason, I’m just calling beautiful art as is…now go
    > back to business and esoteric spirituality and stuff -
    > thinking with your big head that is.

    Ooh, bossy! Cheeky monkey. ;-)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:14pm

  789. 789: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, #773 – I believe at one point today I started typing out those exact words then jumped on a call and never posted it. <3 You doing okay?

    Nikita: #747 – I continue to feel amazed by you. Thank you for writing that. I don't know if I ever asked you about the convent thing. Did you write about that on here? No idea why that just popped into my head. I would definitely watch the Nikita Show. Fo sho.

    Jason: Way up there somewhere Jacqueline mentioned about your posting style bugged her, and you offered to switch it up just for her. I felt good reading that. You didn't question why or tell her no. Just did it because that's what she needed. I noticed. Thank you.

    Dorothea: Missing you lovely. Come out and play with us. Are you watching The Secret again? ;-)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 7:41pm

  790. 790: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    whew…i gotta go take an aspirin…

    been gone all afternoon and evening.
    it felt good, oh so good to be in the real world instead of glued to the screen here…

    but dammit, i just can’t tear myself away! i feel riveted to all the insights, to my own growth, to the forging ahead

    i do have to admit though, i’m just not as rough as the resxt of you guys (:))
    my head is pounding…
    i have crap laying all over the living room floor…
    my lovely strawberries ripening on the windowsill in the kitchen are beginning to grow fuzzy gray mold…

    but im gonna go get a glass of water and two aspirins and im gonna finish reading this dam thread if i have to stay up all night…

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:12pm

  791. 791: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    …and before anyone asks,

    N O
    I did *NOT* mean everyone on here acts like a guy…. i was just joking… mostly for myself…. to lighten up… :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:14pm

  792. 792: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    aaaaaahhh… headache will be gone soon…

    erika, are you feeling the pain in my head? :)
    see, i got that silly vibe goin on again… LOL

    i didn’t realize it until i got away for hours, completely away… these are some SUUUUUPER heavy duty energy patterns we are dealing with… yipes, no wonder we’re all up in our heads….

    okay, back to reading…

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 8:25pm

  793. 793: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune,

    “these are some SUUUUUPER heavy duty energy patterns we are dealing with…”

    Yeah, you said it girl. I was still feeling energetic residue in my body so I had a deep tissue massage AND an acupuncture session to give things a little push … plus I was feeling pain in my right shoulder, so I knew I needed SUPPORT …

    The guy I met on Saturday night is asking if he can come over with Veuve Cliquot right now … lol … I told him no, I need to rest after sessions …

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:27pm

  794. 794: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    erika,
    i can only imagine what your body feels like with all that energy going on…
    i sent thoughts to you today for comfort due to that very thing as im not sure how i would feel about receiving messages about people’s emotional pain into my body in the *form* of pain, even if it was slight.

    it occurred to me that i felt recognition of what you are doing in your work because years ago, 10 or more, PBS had a series on the empath, Caroline Myss.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:42pm

  795. 795: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m a fan. I read anatomy of the spirit and I’ve adored her since. There’s a nice selection of her videos on YouTube as well. Advocate on earth.. :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:47pm

  796. 796: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    lg,

    this feels scary to me too, but i want to do it anyway.

    just wanted to say if you ever feel like talking, i’d like to.
    i don’t know what you were going through, but i did read the comment where you talked about that issue with your step father … (i was skipping comments due to being overtriggered)
    so i’m presuming that something about my triggering triggered that issue for you…
    Maybe not…
    If it did and you feel that there is “growth potential” for us in talking about it (the whole event) together, I have an interest in doing that.
    (not right now though… i need a break.) :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 9:50pm

  797. 797: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oooh lucy, #755

    well said…

    “I feel this, too, Amber — and am consciously working on embracing and embodying the spirit of it rather than the letter. It’s all about the vibe…. I’m learning!”

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:07pm

  798. 798: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the comfort vibes, janjune. The energetic work is mostly self-clearing, it’s the giving/receiving balance I need to stay really clear about …

    I feel myself wanting to tell Rori … I now give the “no girlfriend” speech before I even go on the first date with the guy. I just told this guy that I’m feeling so busy these days that I express my feelings and expectations right up front.

    “I’m not a girlfriend girl. I’m the girl a man either marries or is friends with.”

    Lol, I feel so clear about this, it feels AWESOME :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:14pm

  799. 799: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Is someone eating Ginger candy? I’m smelling Ginger . Suddenly…..I feel sleepy.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:24pm

  800. 800: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, it’s all about the “vibe” … it’s funny, I teach guys the exact same thing … just they need a congruent masculine vibe and we need a congruent feminine vibe. Then we get magical alchemy :)

    And I’m noticing that I’m barely thinking about my ex anymore, and only a bit more thinking about VG. And the thoughts are soft and trusting and sometimes feels heart connecting. It feels really weird, it feels like even if I never heard from him again, it would be okay. Life would just continue flowing along, and another prince would show up. This is a shift even beyond where I was before. Cool :)

    Lucy, Shannon, janjune, Brenda, Bella many others … I’ve been loving your comments all along this thread and feel much appreciation for you even if I didn’t comment on each of them as we went along. Thank you, especially for being a voice for non-judgment.

    I hope Dorothea is coming back too. I was just starting to really feel a bit of a softening in our connection yesterday. I kinda miss her sense of humor too.

    Good night.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:30pm

  801. 801: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    By weird, I guess I mean it feels unfamiliar … the absence of fear … the absence of obsessive thinking … the absence of urges to contact … the absence of drama or accusation … it feels peaceful and almost like nothing is happening … I’m sinking into the feeling of nothing happening and finding it quite … lovely :)

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:32pm

  802. 802: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Ally on earth – Caroline Myss video on you tube…. Love that one…feels like a poem to me.

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:35pm

  803. 803: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    well,

    i’ve never been through anything like this before…
    i feel somewhat stunned… !

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:41pm

  804. 804: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    did jason survive this?

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:42pm

  805. 805: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    going to youtube to check out the myss video…

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:48pm

  806. 806: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oooh, i just love the way she explains things

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:54pm

  807. 807: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gqr2s_6A8w

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 10:55pm

  808. 808: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Whoa … I was just tapping my fear (that I started to feel in the empty space) of committing to one person …

    for the first time in my life, I linked it back to not wanting to choose loyalties between my dad and mom and between my two brothers …

    I had just felt a release and was drifting off when VG texted me …

    The blocks are never “out there.” They are always “in here.”

    Tuesday, 24 August 2010 @ 11:18pm

  809. 809: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Good Evening Ladies, well I posted something on a now dead thread so I am copying and pasting it here, I don’t know if that is allowed, but would LOVE some answers from you very much more experienced DIVA’s, this is all sooo new to me……..

    Thanks Rori, your book has changed my whole perspective on men and life so thank you so much so I will practise the CDing on locals but not expect men to drive 4 hours when I am not interested as that is just mean!

    I have been on Plenty Of Fish for about 4 or 5 months now and have only had one date and that was just awful LOL!

    I don’t know if it is my age group but men of my age seem to go on and on like penpals with endless emails and messages……….really boring to be honest. I would prefer to meet sooner rather than later especially now I have decided to follow Rori’s CD instructions……obviously I have been doing it wrong all these years, 57 and still single after 8 years of divorce. How do you get guys to “get a move on” and make a date without being the “man?”

    It really goes against my nature to do CD’ing to be honest but I gotta fix it, ‘cos it IS broke!!!

    I have had one man of REAL interest to me in all this time on POF, he emailed me back in May and within a few weeks was telling me he was coming back to Australia and would sweep me off my feet and marry me, couldn’t wait to see my lovely face, how would I feel about being married to him, blah blah blah and at first I just laughed it off THEN as always I got hooked right into the whole thing, came on stronger with my male energy (and neediness no doubt) and now I have scared him off. The last email from him was last week where he told me not to wait for him and we could still be friends!! He is in the US Army and in the Middle East for some military work stuff and will be based back in Australia for 3 years starting in September, about 50 minutes from where I live.

    I have backed right off since reading RR’s book on “Have the Relationship you want” and have gone back to how I was at first, chatty, not taking him seriously. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself, but 2 things are rearing their ugly head.

    One is that due to financial reasons I have to work every Sunday as well as all week so will only be available for dates on Saturdays, do I tell my CD guys this assuming of course that one even asks me out?

    Also due to said financial reasons I can only afford to buy one of Rori’s programmes but am unsure which one is best for me in my current situation?

    Do you sirens find it best to get the CD’s or the DVD’s?

    I don’t know how on here to put up pics or even post to the right place so please forgive my errors. :)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 3:06am

  810. 810: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, RE: #728 – You said, “@ Brenda…..the poem is lovely and at the same time it makes me feel sad that you can’t recreate what you had. And I missed you, cheeky one, sassy one, don’t break that easy one. smile….

    What is your most positive belief regarding a new relationship?”

    Thank you! I feel sad I can’t recreate what I had, too. He really got it with a spirit-to-spirit and heart-to-heart connection, and I haven’t ever found that in a man before.

    I appreciate the kudos! Just for that, you get three bright yellow balloons with smiley faces! :-) :-) :-)

    I really like your question. My most positive belief about a new relationship is that God has selected the right man for me, and we will be the best for each other and will partner with each other to become our best selves!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 7:51am

  811. 811: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sia,

    I hope you’re still somewhere on this thread … going back to your #271 and #280 …

    On your likeable question .. I actually believe everyone is likeable, and that there are NO exceptions. Zero exceptions. Everyone is equal. I believe even the person society judges as most “depraved” only needs healing and then will contribute as much as anyone else does. This is a longer answer than I can fit here …

    Now that said, if doing sessions with someone, it really helps to have rapport. I can help people who don’t believe in my system and are highly skeptical (it works anyway). I can help people who don’t like me (it works anyway). That said, it’s definitely easier and way more fun to have rapport. And there needs to be enough trust there for them at least to tell me what’s going on for them and to have them come into the session in the first place.

    Your part about asking questions first deeply resonated with me. And this is where I need to be doing a better job bringing the wonderful session experience out into the world when I’m sharing about sessions with people. During a session, especially with a new client, I spend usually at least the first 20-30 minutes asking questions. This is because, in order to identify the “glitch” in their belief system and trace it back to the original root so it can be cleared out completely, I need to have a thorough and holistic understanding of how my client sees the world. During sessions, also, I give very little advice. First I listen deeply. Then sometimes I explain what I see as the core issue. Then we do tapping, and I explain what I’m doing whenever I feel it might be confusing for the other person. I only give advice when it comes from an intuition, and then it’s always with an attitude, “would you be open to trying this?” “does this resonate with you?”

    I feel it would be helpful for me to bring more of my in-session presence here and to other out-of-session websites where I’ve been talking about my work. I’m going to bring conscious awareness in to doing that. And I thank you for your honest feedback.

    On the “validating” point, to me “validating” sounds like a judgment and an interpretation. And what I’m hearing (please correct me if I’m wrong) is that the way I talk about money is a trigger for you. And that certain areas of money feel limited to you (again, I may be misunderstanding what you said, so please clarify if this is not “on”). When I hear the word “validate,” I don’t feel seen for my intentions, and that has been true when other Sirens have used that word also. I would prefer to hear people discuss the feelings that are triggered in them about money, because not everyone is having the same response. Some people are not triggered by it, and I find that talking honestly about money does serve a purpose. It gives context to some of the things I’m saying … for example, showing that HBR has already changed my life completely, and that my intention now is to take it to the next level (so that people don’t jump to the incorrect conclusion that “it didn’t work”) … does that resonate with you?

    Thank you again, Sia, for taking the time to tell me your honest feelings and thoughts about this.

    - Erika

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:09am

  812. 812: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, RE: #756 – I Love Lucy Show

    LOLLOL~!!!!! Love it!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:11am

  813. 813: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel triggered by so many people feeling triggered about every little thing. I feel sick of hearing “I feel triggered”.

    Is it going to matter 10 years from now? When it doesn’t bother you anymore, then it won’t bother you!

    I feel at peace. I feel at peace when Erika talks about money, about feeling other people’s feelings (what a valuable skill!). I feel at peace when Sirens get triggered, because it is no big deal. I am over it. I let it go. I am letting God…

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:16am

  814. 814: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, RE: #761 – About moving around the webpage, are you also familiar with “Control + Home” and “Control + End”? Another way to navigate it is to drag the slider between the up and down arrows on the right margin. All of that is fast.

    And, I accept you exactly the way you are.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:21am

  815. 815: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Brenda,

    I appreciate you sharing that … so much of what you write resonates so deeply with me.

    And I’d like to share that I don’t mind people saying they are triggered. My intention is more to reframe triggering, which I hear as being very much in line with Rori’s teachings. In my mind, getting triggered is a GOOD thing. It’s bringing conscious awareness to something in me that still needs healing, and now that someone has given me the GIFT of triggering me, I can identify yet another area of emotional debris and limiting beliefs.

    I am now empowered to release the negative emotions and to erase the limiting beliefs that support those emotions. I am now free to take my power back in yet another area of my life where I had given my power away.

    Thank you for triggering :)

    - Erika

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:24am

  816. 816: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, RE: #772 – You said, “The weird thing is, anyone who wants to can post as much or more than Erika is posting. We all get to choose how much we post. I feel confused.”

    Yep, and repeatedly, people have been encouraged to spam away on here…I didn’t notice any limit to daily posts!

    Spam away, Erika!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:25am

  817. 817: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    That’s why I no longer run away from triggers. I prefer to get curious about them and move toward them. Move inside them. Open them up. Get present with all the uncomfortable feelings, until it starts feeling COMFORTABLE to get triggered. I’m still safe. I know what to do with a trigger to erase that button so it can’t be pushed anymore. What part of my self am I still disowning (Debbie Ford Shadow self style) that this feels triggering to me? What hateful belief or self-judgment am I holding on to that has created this pain in me? Why am I still emotionally reactive to what’s going on in this situation — what does it remind me of from the ancient past?

    Hooray, I have been liberated a little bit more today because someone triggered me.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:30am

  818. 818: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, you said getting triggered is a GOOD thing!

    Thank you! That is awesome! What a beautiful outlook! It really is all about healing! I often get the impression that it is stated as a means of criticism, but I guess every one on here really is here for healing.

    When we allow ourselves to be triggered, we are giving power to other people. It is easy to control someone whose behavior is predictable.

    I want to be in control of my emotions so I am in control of my words and actions.

    My biggest remaining triggers are when someone treats me or another person or animal unjustly, and I feel irately angry. I want to get over that so I channel my anger to productively protecting myself or others.

    My other major trigger is anger directed at me. I am growing but I still cringe internally. I don’t want to REACT with anger. I want to RESPOND with reason and calm.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:31am

  819. 819: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, yeah, I’m “spamming” (judgment, judgment, judgment) … reframe: I’m making up for the many months that I never posted at all … how many posts did others put up during that time? Lol, like Lucy said, it’s all perception.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:31am

  820. 820: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    What is the definition of depression?

    I have heard it is anger turned inwards.

    I also heard “Inspiration without expression equals depression.”

    How do you feel about that?

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:34am

  821. 821: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    BarbinOz, RE: 821 – You said (men) seem to go on and on like penpals with endless emails and messages.

    Welcome! We use feeling messages when men drag their heels. You could say something like this:

    “It feels good to hear from you again, and I would love it if we could meet in person! What do you think?”

    Or, “I feel happy when I receive emails from you. It would feel so good to meet you in human. What do you think?”

    Or, “I have decided I really don’t want to email much anymore. I am intrigued to know you better, and from now on, most of my interactions will be live and in person. What do you think?”

    No, no need to tell men up front you are only available for dating Saturday nights. Let’s say Frank asked you out for Wednesday evening. You could say, “It would feel so good to see you, but I’m booked until Saturday! What do you think?”

    It is to your ADVANTAGE to have a full schedule. If he asks, you don’t NEED to give a reason. Just if you choose to. Your goal is to date until you have a ring on your finger. Rori suggests dating 3-5 men at a time, without commiting to any one man until you are engaged. She does away with the “boyfriend” trap.

    I highly recommend “Commitment Blueprint”. The DVDs are really preferrable, to see facial expressions and some things where motion completes her communication. I got the CDs for the sake of listening to them at work, but I would have gotten more out of the DVDs.

    Let us know how it goes!

    Brenda

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:17am

  822. 822: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I read Debbie Ford’s Shadow book! It was years ago, I remember living on the upperwest side….and got it from a book dealer near Columbia….I bet that’s how I got it. I know it wasn’t new, it was from the sidewalk….did I find it? Huh?…..

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:28am

  823. 823: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    No! I think I was living on the east side but working on the west…..wow, that was so long ago…,.
    Nice brain jog ;)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:30am

  824. 824: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    I last night I had a dream where LI made an appointment and sent me to get a mani pedi :)
    I felt surprised and good in the dream-I was busy with something else and he said “now”. (not verbatim but that energy)
    yay for subconscious breakthroughs ;)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:36am

  825. 825: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok ladies so my newest cd, 19, we had a talk about how i expect men to pay for everything in dating

    he got triggered and said he doesnt do taht… all that stuff about “trickin” came up, etc

    i felt bad, we talked…

    I feel disappointed that he thinks that way… I felt shocked,

    it was good practice

    SOOOOOO /I HAD BEEN GOING TO HIS HOUSE = 2wice

    and he didnt even think we were dating! …. we were just getting to know each other…

    i cleared that up quick… we are interacting because you are interested in me and i am open to letting you get to know me

    so wow… yes… sooooooooo glad i didnt have sex with him!!! omg!!! as foolish as i felt

    i can just imagine if i had sex with him and then he pulled this … dont know if were dating and dont want to give me gas money! wow! lol

    I felt GLAD TO PRACTICE because I realized a lot of what he was saying sounded just like Dman! who is from the same area – im like whoa they have the same game

    and here i was thinking Dman was unique or something, and instead its a neighborhood game wow

    it felt like talking to Dman and getting to practice more

    ther was a lot of “i don’t want to argue, i just feel bad”

    I did wind up talking to him about a scenario where he when hes more grown takes a girl out to the movies and wont WANT her to pay for herself he will find it disrespectful

    lol he has never done this – girls always paid for themselves at the movies, I started laughing genuinely

    he said he IS interested in being in that situation, but right now he was not on that

    he was supposed to call me back last nite – his desire, but he texted twice and i didnt respond and he hasnt called

    I feel sad, because I feel ATTACHED!!! I spent like 2 days over at his house… and that attached me

    and when i started talking about saying goodbye to him forever

    ohhhh I also said i felt heartbroken a lot of times

    or I felt mad –

    his answer ” well i know that has nothing to do with me, … ” (HELLO? dman ? is that you???) ” and i don’t want to lie to you about my feelings ” (Dman?? am i on the phone to the right person???)

    oh yeah when i was actually stepping back, by saying im going to lean back and getting close to ending the convo … hes like

    but i Bonded with you. so then as i was moving away all the good stuff came out

    from… “well i dont want you to think other girls dont like me or that im not seeing them… and i think youre pressuring me to be in something”

    to

    “but i feel bonded to you,”

    etc.

    leaning back Worked!!!

    i kept thinking of Rori old article about bitch vs. woman, and a woman will stand there when she doesnt get what she wants, and move away when it feels bad

    i did a really good job of this…

    that oh no achy feeling i feel when a guy drops a bomb on how i feel – ala ” i didnt know we were dating yet”

    that is
    Heartache – i am starting to feel it more clearly and definedly

    yay!

    so he also said that he mgith have given me gas but he was triggered about the way i asked

    i texted him

    “the truth is i expect a man to pay for everything while dating”

    ok so now i feel a lil sad,

    i am still going to tweak on this topic because theres lots of triggers there for me with men

    i feel like i got a lotta practice in for communicating with Dman, because this dude was saying so many of the same phrases

    i was able to say..

    im feeling bad

    i dont want to argue…

    i feel mad

    and ask him what he thinks and stuff

    cut down right to the feelings and not go about idle chit chat

    i feel intrigued at how they were using the same phrases

    i really miss feeling his attention right now…

    he’s all in my head this morning

    mmmm

    this felt fun

    i feel a lil tense

    it would feel fun to have him “get it” and come after me

    i said i felt not understood

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:49am

  826. 826: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the best part of this experience was getting to communicate while staying in my feelings

    AND

    noticing how to step back and keep my heart open,

    and how that changed his energy and words from

    “i think you’re pressuring me”

    to

    “i feel bonded to you”

    oh and wait!

    i forgot!!!

    right after i had made clear what i expected, and he was shocked and not in agreement…
    things were standing in non closure

    and he says

    ” i like your attitude. you are like a wifey”

    i felt flattered and im like whta about my attitude

    “hes like just your energy, how its like pulling me into thinking of you as my wife”

    I said .. oh you mena how im all serious about this

    hes like yeah

    ohhh i felt SO surprised. I mean here he was talkinga bout how he totally disagreed with me,

    and meanwhile my standiung my ground was having him see me as a potential wife and long term partner!!!!

    whoa!!

    i felt shocked by that and Great. like wow my boundaries are working for me to create attraction1!!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:54am

  827. 827: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    at one part, when I was feeling bad, well whining about having come to see him because now i feel for him and am gonna feel bad, and miss him, and it wouldnta happend if i hadnt took myself there… cuz this issue would have come up earlier

    he said, don’t worry, i dont think youll be upset for long, you’ll find another guy soon that you like twice as much as me

    and i felt like i was being comforted – its what my guy friend would have said to me about him –

    and i said yeah, sniffle, you’re right… and really meant it, it just came out

    lol then he was like 5 min later like wow yeah and you have a lot of guys you like i can tell by how you said yeah you would find another guy

    i felt good taht i really felt SURE that i will find another guy and that came across not in an agressive way to make him feel bad, but just as a sure thing

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:03am

  828. 828: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    he said he doesn’t “chase” women -\

    pah i feel triggered, i dont date men that dont chase women

    pursue

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:04am

  829. 829: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the people that hang around him just do it cuz they want to and cuz they like him, they dont ask for gas money, etc

    i dont want to hang around , this is a man woman romantic thing to me, i dont want a friendship

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:05am

  830. 830: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dman called last nite too, while i was on the phone with him, i told him to call back he said hes going to sleep ok…

    he said he’s off today… that’s nice…

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:06am

  831. 831: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel insulted when men referr to paying for a woman on a date as “trickin”

    ugh.

    i feel like a trick then and yuck

    i feel turned off by that

    I dont want a man that thinks of that as trickin

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:08am

  832. 832: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I ordered and read Why He Disappeared. I have been itching to share my thoughts and feelings on it in this here thread about Why He Disappeared, but it feels like its been hijacked and there’s no room for this discussion.

    But I REALLY liked the book, and I think it’s a great compliment to Rori’s tools for someone who has already gotten intimate with Rori’s tools.

    I implemented what I learned yesterday, after barely finishing up the book, and I felt a HUGE shift with my LI.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:11am

  833. 833: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea-

    I would really enjoy hearing about how you applied it with your LI. I have been wondering about the application in an already existing relationship…

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:18am

  834. 834: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I felt anxious reading this. Anxious and scared. I feel impressed at how you stayed with yourself and how he responded to your leaning back.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:21am

  835. 835: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Dorothea,

    I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts on “Why he disappeared”..I have been seriously thinking of getting but wasn’t sure…I haven’t purchased anything except Rori’s book..

    Rose

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:27am

  836. 836: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Evan’s ebook is a little more expensive than Rori’s book…And Rori’s book I always refer back to..

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:34am