Why is he ignoring me? What’s he thinking? Why isn’t he talking to me? Why isn’t he looking at me? Why isn’t he calling me?
He doesn’t like me anymore. He’s mad at me. He doesn’t miss me. He’s met another woman. He’s thinking about his ex-girlfriend.
If these kind of thoughts circle around in your head often — I know how you feel. Actually, we all know how you feel!
It’s the age old question of “Why is he ignoring me?”
And the thing is, the answer is usually none of the things you’re thinking!
The truth is — he’s more likely thinking about a pimple on his chin, about paying a bill, about getting older, about the results of a sports event, and a lot of the time he just needs to pee.
So what are you to do? The easy answer is to say do nothing. And yet I know that’s pretty much impossible because your brain is still going round and round.
So let’s see if we can find some way to help your brain feel better and your body feel less tense – and stop the questions from rolling around in your head.
First: catch yourself but the first thought that comes to mind about what you think might be going on with your man.
If you can, get out of the space where he is. Outside is best. If you’re with them in a public place, try going to the bathroom.
Second: If you can write down this first thought you have in the little journal you might be carrying (It would be great if you would carry around a journal and pencil with you everywhere so that you can get more natural with Feeling Messages) — that would be terrific. Now we have something to work with!
The first thoughts that might come to you are: He’s ignoring me. Why is he ignoring me?
So let’s turn those around.
See if you can switch your focus from what’s going on with him to what’s going on with you. This could be:
My shoulders feel tense.
My belly feels like there’s a brick lodged in it.
I can barely breathe.
My legs feel like they’re not going to hold me up anymore.
If more thoughts about him come into your mind – let’s go with a standard procedure:
1. When the thought “Why is he ignoring me?” comes up for you — flip it to “I have no idea what he’s thinking about. I’m making this up. So I’m going to make it up good. I’m going to make it up that he’s thinking about something that has nothing whatsoever to do with me!”
2. Now — check into your body again. How are your shoulders doing? How is your belly doing? How is your tummy doing? How are your hips doing? Are you clenching anywhere?
3. Focus on breathing into parts that feel tense.
4. Now as each new thought comes up about him, track through your body, and say out loud – if you can – how that body part feels.
Yes, I know what you want my advice here to change something about his behavior. You want me to come up with something clever to say to him that would open up communication.
And the truth is, until you can get in touch with yourself, and out of the rut of the why is he ignoring me thought and into the possibility that there are way more other possibilities here — if you approach him now it’s going to be filled with tension, need and desperation.
It’s going to be very unattractive, and it’s going to push him away.
And do you really want to do that if his only issue is that he has a hangnail?
In other words you can make a problem where there is none!
Now — when you’ve got a real feel for yourself, and you’re able to relax and you’re able to shift all your thoughts about him into feelings that you feel and experience inside you — one of two things will happen:
1. He will all of a sudden approach you and talk to you with a smile on his face as if nothing is wrong. How great is that!
2. He’ll go back to the space where he is. Then you’ll smile at him. And if things aren’t automatically better — you’ll say something like “I can feel a kind of quiet between us now. Is there anything I should know?”
And he’s either going to say “No — what are you talking about?” Or he’s going to tell you what’s bothering him.
If he shuts the conversation down – then you’ve got some information about him. Either there really is nothing wrong, and your thoughts are still getting the best of you, or he’s not a very good communicator.
And — in the best case scenario here — he may open up to you! And there you are now, both of you on a whole new level of connection.
Let me know how this works for you…