It always amazes me – but every single woman who comes to me and who I work with as a client is drop-dead gorgeous. Smart. Talented – many accomplished in their fields, as Alice, in this letter she sent me, is.
I often work with women who are very high-profile – who are actually on-stage and public, and yet do not value themselves at all.
They still find themselves crawling on the floor after a man.
How can this be? Here’s Alice’s letter:
“I guess I have to forget about him, hard as it is to do.
On Nov. 29th he was over here having a grand old time dining on the feast I prepared for his Thanksgiving time with me, he spoke of getting me a new TV for Xmas, about how we would look at a problem in my home next weekend when he was coming over, he said he was in love with me, and left with really nice vibes and food.
Next day he called to further rave about everything, and we told each other we were sweethearts. I asked him if he’d gotten any more weird emails (from the x gf who’d thrown him out a couple of times in the past, and had begun emailing things to him in effort to get him back “as a friend,” that they “had a bond”) and he said “no, that was nothing – ” regarding her having begun emailing more and more as the holidays grew near.
But that week he suddenly began canceling everything we’d set up together, not coming to see me as we’d agreed, just canceling all meetings between us from that week on.
Then soon there was no contact at all. I would get a stray text or email saying things were crazy with work and debts and worries, and he was freaking out, sorry he disappeared, and would come back. He wished me a Merry Xmas by a text, and Happy New Year in an email, both times saying he was with his son.
He never came back, tho said each week he “missed me, would call this week – ”
So I’m in a very awkward position, after being asked to please understand, be patient, believe, don’t be mad, etc, – then nothing – yet what am I supposed to do? I cry out to be able to talk it over with him but know he will not answer the phone if I tried, and not really talk about whatever is going on.
Chances are the x gf snared him back with some new line to get his attention, and he just dropped me like a hot potato. I want to move on but my heart is still On Hold for him.
I know it will get me nowhere to try and reach out to him and ask. If this had been the other way around, I wonder what he would have done? Would he just have said he “understood” and back off?
That’s the story – painful as it is. Alice”
Here’s my answer:
Every one of the amazing women I work with and talk to every day – Alice, and perhaps you? – feels zero sense of power in romantic relationships.
And I remember this being the way I was – smart, talented, busy – and not happy in love. No self-esteem in love. No ability to be raw and open and yet hold my own power.
Alice, this has nothing to do with him.
Men come and go. You are yours forever.
Find your love there, with you, first…and as you Circular Date – you’ll see how it plays out in the world…