If He’s Betrayed Your Marriage…Start Here…
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Here’s a letter from Helene, who’s been devastated by her husband’s behavior:
“Dear Rori, My husband of twelve years wants to end our marriage.
We bought two acres together and built our dream house on it. It took two and half years of labor, and basically living our lives apart except for weekends. We agreed to live this way because it was necessary for him to stay at his present place of employment in order to help finance the project, while I stayed on the land with our animals and supervised the construction.
Exactly one week to the day after the house was finally finished, he announced to me that he wanted to end our marriage, and then later admitted that he is involved with another woman.
My heart is broken, my dreams are crushed, and I now find myself alone in an area that is somewhat risky for a woman, as it is a bit isolated. My mother just passed away, and I have no friends or family here.
My husband continues to come up on the weekends in order to work on unfinished projects. We still make love, and have actually begun to have conversations about our past problems.
He says that this other relationship is serious. I don’t know what to do.
I still love him so much, and he says that he loves me but that be wants to follow another path now.
Can you make any suggestions as to what I should do?
Feeling hopeless, Helene”
My answer:
There’s a French movie I love - “Happily Ever After” about a woman in a similar situation - she decides (perhaps being French has something with her character being able to do this) to hold onto her husband and beat out the mistress, but instead of confronting the mistress or her husband directly, or by trying to win him over in some way - she turns away from him, rents the family a house in the country, and proceeds to create a beautiful life for herself and their child, and, of course, the husband comes along.
He’s totally re-captivated by this woman who is his wife, who is interesting, is fulfilling herself, is doing what makes her happy and not depending on him for fun and fulfillment, and so he drops his mistress and …happily ever after.
Not every woman wants to do this…most of the time the pain and anger you feel is so huge you can’t even imagine staying with him. But after many, many years of marriage, you may decide the marriage is worth something, and you want to fight for it. Sometimes you have no options left in the relationship (another movie - “Under The Tuscan Sun”), and yet it sounds like Helene still may have a choice, here.
Helene - Allowing the marriage to be about weekends only for 2 and 1/2 years damaged the marriage. We don’t know yet if the damage is irreversible, though he says it is.
If you want to fight - this is what you have to do: You have to instantly - NOW - turn into a goddess, free spirit, rock star. I mean this totally.
You must meet men - you have to start flirting, and start having coffee, lunch and dinner with other men. If you can find a place where there are any men near your new home - do that - if you have to go to the nearest city - do that.
If there is no social life and no men where your house is, then you have a clear choice - your house or your love life. Get out of the house and move to the city. Now. You have to turn yourself back into the woman you were when he first fell in love with you - for these last 2 years you’ve been pretty much the caretaker of the country house - there, predictable - and your communication suffered greatly.
The keyword here is FUN. You have to start having fun in your life right now, and he has to see it and feel it. You have to out-fun this other woman. You know him more than she does - you have to win him away by creating excitement and newness - and you can’t do it by trying. You have to do it for real by changing your own outlook on this whole thing.
Otherwise, just give up, let him go, don’t sleep with him, get a lawyer, sell the house and move on. I’ll help you with that - but don’t let yourself stay in some middle place, hping things will change.
You have to take your life in your hands, now, and make decisions for your own happiness - with or without him. Amazingly enough, this is the one best way to rescue the marriage!
You are locked in a battle for your life. He’s just incidental right now - YOU are the star and the heroine of this movie! Build yourself a great story!
Love, Rori
written by Rori Raye • Permalink • Leave a Comment »
Karen says:
I totally agree with Rori… I too found her website when my husban decided he did not want to stay married after working out of town and found a “friend” …. I followed Rori’s advice stayed open and soft even when i did not think i could and expressed my true feelings in words that he could hear… not blaming, not being the doormat… NOT calling him….. but when he did call i would be light and mention good times we had together…but i did not wait around for him…. I started dating myself and doing things I wanted to do…. and worked on MYSELF>>>>>> please listen to Rories cd’s and start practicing her advise now! WE are all believing for the best to come to you!
Monday, 15 September 2008 @ 9:57am
Sue says:
After living through an affair now for 2.5 years…I have to say Rori has the answers…Focus on your own needs and as hard as it is; as scary as it is; you HAVE to get out and build your own life without your husband. Get curious about meeting other men, it will lift your ego and spirits greatly. While I started with Rori’s tools over a year ago and made many good personal changes it wasn’t until I FINALLY stepped out and started dating other men again - not seriously but for fun…That my husband woke up and told me that he didn’t want to loose me. He broke things off with “her” and at this point I am still dating as I told him these men make me feel good and pretty. For now he’s agreed to me dating and our communication has gotten so much better and open its a breath of fresh air. Time will tell of course but I DID IT!!!! I moved on and let go; now he wants ME and our marriage again. I only wish I would have done this sooner vs waiting 2.5 years of riding that emotional roller coaster. Best Wishes cuz I know how hard it is.
Tuesday, 16 September 2008 @ 8:30am
Rori Raye says:
Thank you so much, Sue, for your personal story. I’m thrilled for you at how you’ve taken your life in your own hands, and the great results your getting with your man - and all other men! as a bonus.
I’m especially grateful for your letting us know how Circular Dating did the trick for you. It’s such a challenging concept for all of us - it just instinctively feels like the opposite of what we should do - and yet it’s exactly what we need to do to get our self-esteem and our perspective back, and to move from needy and desperate to confident and unbelievably, amazingly attractive. Then everything gets better…
Tuesday, 16 September 2008 @ 10:46am
JoAnn says:
My husband had an affair with his ex-girlfriend. We had been married for 19 years then. When all was said and done, he realized that she was just using him for a playmate as she is also married and doesn’t want to leave her husband. I did things the hard way. I forgave him, agreeing that I was angry all the time, which pushed him away. And yes, I really was. I was constantly complaining about everything. Worrying about this and that. No fun! My husband says, he was the one that took the wrong step and he saw how devastating it was for me and our kids. He never wants to hurt me like that again. Now I have opened up to having fun, not being so serious all the time. Not worrying about every little thing. I did not go out with anyone else. I stayed by his side and we talked out all of our problems with each other and we are now happy once again. He is now more attentive to me than he has been in a long time. We have now been married for 21 years. I truly hope your marriage works out for you. Keep the Faith!
Tuesday, 16 September 2008 @ 3:19pm
mimi botscheller says:
It will be a year this October 1 that I discovered my husband of 19 years was falling in love with someone from work. Today I read an email in which he wrote to himself about how he still constantly thinks of her and that he can’t control himself and his feelings. How she is so close, yet so far, a couple of desks away, blah, blah, blah.
He is not aware that I read this note.
I am confused because when home he tells me he loves me. I have ordered your program, listened to your cd’s and was feeling pretty good about myself until I read this email. I realize I shouldn’t look but sometimes I do when my intuition tells me something is not quite right. Unfortunately I always find some for of communication with her or about her every time I get these feelings.
In these difficult economic times my husband can’t just leave his job which would help my anxiety. He knows how uncomfortable I am knowing he works so closely with this woman. He claims he wants to stay with me, talks about plans for the future but he is still dreaming about her.
I don’t want to push him away but I also am sick of the
deceit.
How can I approach talking to my husband about this without pushing him away?
Should I start looking more at other men and conclude that perhaps we should call it quits?
I love him but I don’t want to share his love.
You are very lucky Joann that your husbands words were true when he chose to reconnect with you.
How should I approach this situation? I need advise! I did go to counseling but can not afford to continue right now. Some support from those out there who have gone through this would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Friday, 19 September 2008 @ 1:34pm
Rori Raye says:
Mimi, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this…and I’ve put up a whole post about it, right here…
Friday, 19 September 2008 @ 5:50pm
If Your Husband Betrays You, Do This says:
[...] Mimi wrote a comment to my post on what to do if your man betrays you, and I wanted to use it to jump off of [...]
Friday, 19 September 2008 @ 6:13pm
Carol Anne says:
I’ve been married to my husband for 20 years now and I was happy and I thought he was but then he accussed me of not being honest about relationships that I had before we were married, which upset me and confused me. Then a year later he accussed me of having an affair with one of our employees in our business, which I hadn’t and wasn’t even interested in at all, and then used this as an excuse to leave me and live 5 hours away.
I was very angry with him and constantly attacked him about what he was saying to me and how he was treating me and of course I just caused more of a problem as I have now learned by reading your ebook, which as helped me understand what I have done, but I’m and still so confused what started all this in the first place, and why he only listens and takes adviced from his friends, and their opinions seem to be always right.
I asked him to go to counselling with me but his friends advised him against it, so that has not happened. But I now know I have to learn to become more confident in myself, and get out more and socialise and do things for myself as I have spent the last 16 years running our businesses which he has left me running and paying all his bills for his new business which doesn’t make any money, plus paying for his accommodation and everything.
But I only ever got into business because that was his passion not mine but after that many years I don’t know what my passion in work is, in fact I don’t know what makes me happy anymore, but with your courses it is helping. thanks
Tuesday, 30 September 2008 @ 7:19am
Rori Raye says:
Oh - Carol Anne - my heart just goes out to you for having to endure all this pain - and still, I want to say to you - your best life is about to happen! I know - because everything up to now has been about HIM, and he is totally unworthy of you. Please - continue as you’re doing - find your very own special passion in life (not about ANY man) and follow it. If you can develop and run a business - you can do ANYTHING!
And from there, you’ll attract a much better man and a much better relationship that will allow you to be totally loved and still grow as a woman.
Please let me know how you’re doing, Love, Rori
Tuesday, 30 September 2008 @ 10:41am
Roxanne says:
I have been in a relationship for over 2 yrs now. He loves me, treats me like a queen. Made commitments to me but continues to sleep over at his x girlfriends saying she is just a x and is doing secretary work only. They split over 4 yrs ago he lives out of town.
So when here he stays with me 8-15 nites a month and then he also sleeps at her place when not with me. I feel like musical beds. Not too good he says he does not sleep with her or have sex but I question this. He does tell me he loves me not something he tells others. He is a buddist and honest but I did try the dating thing he came in from being with her place an I had a man friend of my sisters I had made plans with going out for the day with. So we all went out an my sister too.
My love bought me a nice 50 diamond necklace while we were all out and this surprised me I do not know if he did this out of proving I was his to others or if he felt guilty because I made a comment that he was free to do as he wanted he was a free bird an so was I. If he wanted musical beds then so be it. But I would not clip his wings and I too am free.
This I know hurt him I feel but it was truthful he wants to have all his freedom an still go sleep at other womens places as “friends”. His x is almost 68 yrs old he an I are in our 50’s. He left here after our day an niteout an went back after 11pm to her place.
He left here angry an stomped out. But he had already said earlier he was going back there. I know I did say infront of others when he said his suitcases were at his office I said your x’s you mean where you had been for the past 2 nites. He did not like that. But I was just letting him know I knew where he had slept after leaving here for the past 9 nites.
Was this wrong or the dating thing since he had committed to me an we had discussed our relationship prior an I did explain to him I was confused an I needed him to help me understand his need to still sleep over there…when I am justless then a few blocks away. We had a wonderful day an nite I just do not know why he was so angry an left to go back there at 11 pm after our day out an he buying me that georgous diamond necklace? We were all fine an happy was he angry at me or himself or was he just mad because maybe he relaized him being with another woman left me alone for perhaps another man? Did I make a mistake to try to date?
Please help me
Sunday, 5 October 2008 @ 12:49pm
Rori Raye says:
Roxanne, so much here. Do you really mean “diamonds” - as if in he has a lot of money? Is this part of your dynamic - that he has a lot of money?
And what do you mean by “Commitment”?
Sounds to me like you’re in the “Girlfriend Trap” - I explain this in the “Blueprint.” I’m going to take a piece of your letter now and jump off to another post, here…
Monday, 6 October 2008 @ 10:54am
Is His Friend His Ex-Girlfriend? says:
[...] of my best posts.Here’s a piece of a comment from Roxanne (you can read her whole comment here: [...]
Monday, 6 October 2008 @ 1:32pm
ROXANNE says:
MY ANSWERS: DIAMOND NECKLACE: this was a 50 stone necklace not big diamonds but such a wonderful art piece. MONEY? I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA i do not know if he has or not. He does wine an dine me, we do have alot of exciting times.He does treat me like a queen that i am..He is such a wonderful sweet person. he loves me so much. He did return this morning we had a good talk and he did not like my free as a bird and musical bed statements i made to him… but i did explain to him he is free and i will not ever clip his wings..at the same time his statement is always” save the last dance for me” at least he knows he is the one i am comming home to an i am who he is comming home to.. well we will see.. no we do not live together. he travels in his work. i do art out of my house.. but with his time here we shine while together and everyone sees how happy he is with me an me too…with him i am like a new person found my other part of my soul. he is like my soul part of me.. This was a magical meeting we had when we first met. There was a big bright light that force me out of the car in front of him while he was walking down the sidewalk one day out of town. I had nothing really to do with it. the force was just there.
i would never do something like that ever. it was a real shocker to myself an my friends i was with. I do not date like i did when younger. i have my own life retired and artist. I hibernate and do my art work then i get out when i feel the move to do so. But i have since we have been together 3 plus yrs now as dating friends an sleep over but the past 2 i was given his commitment as his number 1 an only..He does not date his work takes him many places and he has the same friends as he has dor 12 yrs he is just friends with. I love him for who he is not what he has or what he does for a living. I really have no idea how much he has financialy or not. i do know he does brag about how he does have a very good life style. but that is not of any intrest to me… This is something all his oterh women friends do to him they just use him for money an what they can get from him.
i do not..I do with out an not ever let him know if i ever needed anything. I want our relationship to be just how we are and feel inside about eachother..If he contributes by treating me to something nice i am surprised… Like i said this is the first time he did buy me jewelry.. that was a big suprise… and such a sweet thing. It did not cost a fortune but it is very wonderful for me. i am not a exerberant person. i am just living in my own means and i have been a very independent person all my life a self supporter since 14yrs old. and been single for 36 yrs.
every thng i have i had worked for. I may not have much but i payed for it. This is why this relationship is so different to me. i am not used to a man giving so much and so sweet. I have dated for most of my life but not in the past several years. But i did twice in the past year, because he was gone an i felt like doing something so i did.. not out of revenge or anything just because i could.
But this day that was planned was not to get back at him.It was a nice day and i wanted to spend it out an not alone.but as you see fate has its way of always bringing us together.but i just do not do relationships and this is my first real one in yrs. I was a girl that would just date and say thanks an leave them. only a couple did i really keep as friends.The rest were just fill ins. but this hit me like a ton of bricks and has i feel so wonderful and full of healing an energy when we are together.. and a real loss an emptyness when he is gone.In fact i sleep so much better with him. This is a first.he gives me my souls purpose i am alive when were together.. an he is too… we become 2 people lit bu a golden light and energy surrounding our body’s enough to move the world if we had to. But your programs seem so set to marriage persons or young persons looking for kids an the white picket fence. i just want to live and have him beside me so i can be his muse an he is mine.Does that make sense? we both inspire each to do more in our lives for the world an persons in it. i do see the modern siren woman cds really good for young persons or those with alot of less self esteem…But this circle dating i am not to sure of.
i am like a magnet men just attrack then selves to me. this ihas been my whole life.As a police officer, stewardess, sales rep model actress and even as just a mom..Even when i was in bad health. men always just approached me.. i am open to all… bUT IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP ???? I AM SCARED TO DEATH..I have never allowed anotehr one in.. but boy did i make a 360 degree turn with him…And i do not care he is gone or with others i just seem to let this last x girl friend get to me.. i just do not understand the need to sleep there sometimes…. i know he too is unsure an afraid of loosing hisself again to anyone.. but i am under his skin real good. He loves me.. so why am i complaining? i am just also afraid.. living all the time with one i have not done since i was 20 yrs old…38 yrs ago… i have lived all alone. now how is that..HE KNOWS EVERY DETAIL ABOUT ME i never allowed anyone ever in.. but he is under my skin too.. an i want to keep him there it feels good….
the blueprint program i will check out if you think that is what will help me more then the commitment blue print or is this the same? But the modern siren is good for certain persons not to well aged i think. maybe wrong but i will try to see what else you have to help me
for i have tried some of the details an not to much change in him or me or if there is i just do not see it.
but i am his light an he is mine. i am just using the IAM
THE OXYGEN YOU NEED TO BREATH parts.. and the light house. but any furthere help i would love to know of…. thank you for this web site an the work you seem to be doing for others.. I thank you and i really thank you if it works for me.. because i deffinatly need to know how to do relationships….. and accept him for all his goodness because i am worth it and i am teh queen.. i am his queenie… thank you if i do get him an he does change in the ways you speak of good. i will let you know.. but the necklace wow what a surprise…. and he commng back after not liking my reply of free bird and stuff… he did not like that comment to well.. that i too am a free bird i too have wings to fly…
Monday, 6 October 2008 @ 6:00pm
Gayatri says:
well,presently i am going through a situation but i will never over come this.i mean i will never get a chance to be confident. this is what my story is, i fell in love with a guy who unfortunately expired due to cancer.6 months later, i got married to a guy via matrimonial website. i just accepted him taking in mind that life has to go on. when i started loving my husband, i saw that he has differences for me.i mean we both are Indians, but he is living in Poland since 13 yrs and so i had to come here and live. still i accepted everything and with a hope to start a new and loving life,started working with him in his business.before marriage, he use to tell me that he feels lucky that he is getting married to me, we both will work hand in hand together and live like two body and 1 soul.when i came here,he started giving importance to his secretary. and people pls dont think that i am kind of narrowminded person that i am jealous with that secretary.what a women’s eyes can see, no one can see.she started being rude on me and started doing things that showed that she has soft corner for my husband. with a very open mind i use to talk to my husband on this but like a friend.i always wanted this that the person who becomes my husband should be my best friend too.and i didnt hv any hard feelings for her, she use to think she is a nice female and the way she is acting is just because i know my husband only from 6 months but she knows him from 2 yrs so may be she feels insecure.but one day, she told me something.since i dont know the language,once we were in an exhibition n a guy came and told me somehting in polish.everyone was looking at me, my husband, this secretary and i was looking at my hubby as to what this guy told.he didnt say anything.next moment, this sec translated me what this guy told and it was very controversial.she told me that this guy told that i am looking very sexy and he would like to spend a night with me and i was stunned that during all this my husband remain quite!! i went and spoke with abt this.i think anyone in my place would hv done the same thing.and this my hubby, he tells me that i am lieing and he will go and ask that secr. next morning, this secretary changed and told my husband she told nothing like this.she was shouting on me in front of my husband!! my husband supported her not me. so you guys see, what am i going thru. day in and day out i see him calling to her, talking in a very nice way,talking her extra,i mean what man on Earth can be behave so good with a person who has insulted his wife.more than that he believes her.i am an Indian, my family thinks that i am happy here.i cant break their heart and leave this man.i am still working with him. because in poland, i cannot get a job since i dont know the language. learning a foreign language is not that easy.i still work iwth him and anything happens, he starts taunting me that i am taking out my grudge. so i dont know what has God decided for me. i feel ignored all the time. they chat, they sms each other. so you guys see now….i hv lost my self respect in front that stupid secretary who works in my office and without any fault of mine i am alread going through this humiliation, add to it my husband is supporting her.even inher absence, when we talk abt this, he supports her! i mean she should be the most lucky person on this Earth that a person is supporting her even in her absence. i just dont know the reason!! i mean i cant bear anyone whom i know doesnt respects my husband. how can he!! i dont know, i came here in an unknown country only because of him.i dont know what wrong did i do… now at present, i really want to act like a bitch. still am working and living with my husband, hiding all my feelings inside. i feel cheated. i feel cheated that after all i am suffering and my husband who claims to love has done nothing about this humiliation of mine. it shows that he doesnt cares about my self respect. each i feel so depressed that i amliving under this humiliation. i cant bear it. is he selfish that he cares only about his work and he cares nothing about my self respect? is THIS love? he is just keep on doing his work and this humiliation doesnt matters him at all!! with no fault of mine i am suffering. that secretary lied, and she is still working with her head held high!! what would you all do if you were in my place?i can win this situation and get my self respect back by playing some politics in work since we all three work together. the only thing is she is in our other office and me and husband works together in other office which is in a seperate city. i dont know all these office politics and so i am fool that i agree but pls folks tell me what politics shall i play to win my husband’s trust and prove what a b**** is she . pls help. this is very important for me because i dont have any other way. i cant live like this anymore.
Tuesday, 4 November 2008 @ 3:50am
Tawna says:
Hi Rori,
I am writing because I think I may have just really screwed things up with my husband. We are currently separated and actually living in different states. He is in school in Georgia and has asked me to move down there so we can give this another shot. I do want to move there, but may have just blown my opportunity.
I had been using your tools and they were working great. Then this happened: My husband called me very excited with plans for me to move there. He spent most of the conversation talking about this. He then told me that he and a female class mate were taking a road trip for pictures (he is in a photography univeristy) to see one of his friends for the weekend. He assured me that I had nothing to worry about. But I am not comfortable with this. I e-mailed him to tell him that I am not comfortable and that this is a boundary I can not look past for my own self-respect. I also told him that I do trust him, I just do not feel that is something a married man should do. He has not returned a message and did not return the phone message. Then I e-mailed again tonight apologizing for being upset and told him that I do trust him. I am wondering how to work through this so we can work out our marriage, while still letting him know that this is a boundary I feel very strongly about.
Tawna
Friday, 7 November 2008 @ 1:52am
Rori Raye says:
Tawna - You’re looking at this in one way, and there are several.
You are separated. That means you are free to date whoever you want. Both you AND him.
I can’t believe this woman is any more than a “friend” - which means he’s not “into her” in the way he seems to be “into” you. And if he were, you’d find out when you got there.
Going there to SEE him, to VISIT him, to BE with him - to start fresh - is WAY different than MOVING down there as though it’s a done deal.
If you look at it that way - you’re just going down there to see what’s up.
If you look at it another way - forget the rule of “Boundaries” - if it feels crappy to you, then perhaps you’re better off without him.
If it were me - I’d go down there and see what’s what and practice the Tools on him before I made a final decision. Love, Rori
Friday, 7 November 2008 @ 7:34pm
Sasha says:
Why do men always need companion? Why most men cheat? They are just the ones who can not be faithful.
does divorce really work out? how about children’s feelings? will they understand the situation their parents had?
Monday, 10 November 2008 @ 6:33am
Karen says:
Tawna,
I totally agree with Rori…. Take it one step and one day at a time…. he was honest with you telling you about this woman…. so check it out …. I believe you will know by how you feel when you’re with him….for a visit…. keep using your feeling messages…. when i got back together with my husband I told him the same thing…. if we are going to be together committed in marriage … there will be no other women going on overnite trips etc. together… that was against my boundaries also…
but that will be discussed in the future… right now you are working at expressing your feelings in words that he can hear and that will draw him to you….iF THAT is what you want to do…..i truly believe YOU CAN HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT>……. evidently he does care and wants you there with him…. but as Rori says you do have wants and desires and A LIFE outside of him too…. you have to think about what makes you happy….hope to hear a good report! karen
Tuesday, 11 November 2008 @ 9:31am
Gayatri says:
well any comments on my post?
i really need help!
Tuesday, 11 November 2008 @ 9:39am
Tawna says:
Thanks for your advice. He still has not called me. I have not called him (practicing leaning back). I am working on using feeling messages, which is new for me and quite difficult. I am starting to feel anxious, a feeling I did not have after practicing the tools. I think part of my anxiousness is because I moved back to my home town when we were supposed to be moving to Georgia together. I did this because we were in a negative holding pattern that needed to stop. Since being here I have joined a yoga class and a dance class, which is helping my self-esteem. I do want to work this out. Any thoughts on whether or not I should call him or continue “leaning back”?
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 2:46am
Gayatri says:
Dear Rori,
please help me.
after reading all the posts here, i have dared to post my situtation. i will really appreciate if i get any suggestions.
well,presently i am going through a situation but i will never over come this.i mean i will never get a chance to be confident. this is what my story is, i fell in love with a guy who unfortunately expired due to cancer.6 months later, i got married to a guy via matrimonial website. i just accepted him taking in mind that life has to go on. when i started loving my husband, i saw that he has differences for me.i mean we both are Indians, but he is living in Poland since 13 yrs and so i had to come here and live. still i accepted everything and with a hope to start a new and loving life,started working with him in his business.before marriage, he use to tell me that he feels lucky that he is getting married to me, we both will work hand in hand together and live like two body and 1 soul.when i came here,he started giving importance to his secretary. and people pls dont think that i am kind of narrowminded person that i am jealous with that secretary.what a women’s eyes can see, no one can see.she started being rude on me and started doing things that showed that she has soft corner for my husband. with a very open mind i use to talk to my husband on this but like a friend.i always wanted this that the person who becomes my husband should be my best friend too.and i didnt hv any hard feelings for her, she use to think she is a nice female and the way she is acting is just because i know my husband only from 6 months but she knows him from 2 yrs so may be she feels insecure.but one day, she told me something.since i dont know the language,once we were in an exhibition n a guy came and told me somehting in polish.everyone was looking at me, my husband, this secretary and i was looking at my hubby as to what this guy told.he didnt say anything.next moment, this sec translated me what this guy told and it was very controversial.she told me that this guy told that i am looking very sexy and he would like to spend a night with me and i was stunned that during all this my husband remain quite!! i went and spoke with abt this.i think anyone in my place would hv done the same thing.and this my hubby, he tells me that i am lieing and he will go and ask that secr. next morning, this secretary changed and told my husband she told nothing like this.she was shouting on me in front of my husband!! my husband supported her not me. so you guys see, what am i going thru. day in and day out i see him calling to her, talking in a very nice way,talking her extra,i mean what man on Earth can be behave so good with a person who has insulted his wife.more than that he believes her.i am an Indian, my family thinks that i am happy here.i cant break their heart and leave this man.i am still working with him. because in poland, i cannot get a job since i dont know the language. learning a foreign language is not that easy.i still work iwth him and anything happens, he starts taunting me that i am taking out my grudge. so i dont know what has God decided for me. i feel ignored all the time. they chat, they sms each other. so you guys see now….i hv lost my self respect in front that stupid secretary who works in my office and without any fault of mine i am alread going through this humiliation, add to it my husband is supporting her.even inher absence, when we talk abt this, he supports her! i mean she should be the most lucky person on this Earth that a person is supporting her even in her absence. i just dont know the reason!! i mean i cant bear anyone whom i know doesnt respects my husband. how can he!! i dont know, i came here in an unknown country only because of him.i dont know what wrong did i do… now at present, i really want to act like a bitch. still am working and living with my husband, hiding all my feelings inside. i feel cheated. i feel cheated that after all i am suffering and my husband who claims to love has done nothing about this humiliation of mine. it shows that he doesnt cares about my self respect. each i feel so depressed that i amliving under this humiliation. i cant bear it. is he selfish that he cares only about his work and he cares nothing about my self respect? is THIS love? he is just keep on doing his work and this humiliation doesnt matters him at all!! with no fault of mine i am suffering. that secretary lied, and she is still working with her head held high!! what would you all do if you were in my place?i can win this situation and get my self respect back by playing some politics in work since we all three work together. the only thing is she is in our other office and me and husband works together in other office which is in a seperate city. i dont know all these office politics and so i am fool that i agree but pls folks tell me what politics shall i play to win my husband’s trust and prove what a b**** is she . pls help. this is very important for me because i dont have any other way. i cant live like this anymore.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 3:01am
Tawna says:
Gayatri,
I do understand your feelings because I have had similar feelings in the past. I can only tell you what I learned from my mistakes. Your husband most likely feels your “vibes”, your pent up frustrations. This may be a time for you to lean back and focus on you. This will help you to take the focus off of this situation and will give the vibe of confidence. It is unfortunate that his secretary lied to him. But you can not change her actions, you can only control your responses. Focus on you, this may help your husband to find you even more sexy.
I think that perhaps he did not confront the man on what he said because he is proud that you are beautiful and sexy. He is proud that YOU are his wife and that other men continue to admire you. Good luck!
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 3:03am
Gayatri says:
Dear Tawna,
Thanks for the feedback. good to see something for me.
i also want to tell this to you- its not about this small incident. the next day when we discussed this in the office and when that secr lied, she was yelling at me and my husband did nothing. he only supported her. more than that, my husband lied to me. he tells me that after the man came, my husband translated all to me abt what that guy told. which was a lie, otherwise why would have i asked this secr. yes i have problem with that secr but more than that its my husband who belives her not me.after this she stopped talking to me and more than that even i dont want to talk toher. then after 6 months, all of a sudden she behaves well with me and talks as if nothing happened. in between the months when we were not talking this incident happened- my husband asked me to design his company’s website for which he told me to give that secr to translate in polish because we want it in two languages. so now i tried to act mature and since it was abt my company so i clearly asked her that her suggestions would be appreciated. after getting this email, she writes a secret email to my husband telling him that she thinks the language is not good and she can write better. and look at my husband- he did nothing abt this. i happen to check his emails and i was so angry.then i sat for a while and wrote her a mature email abt this that she doesnt has to by pass me and i already told her that her suggestions are welcomed. my husband knows all abt this. she could answer me back.my husband says- yes he knows that its her fault but we cant do anything, we have to bear because she does our work. so in future everytime she will do something like this and i willhv to bear because she works. then its better that i dont work for him, what kind of man is he? he doesnt gives me any money for whatever work i do.and if i dont work, his company will close. i am not trying tobe proud here, i amnot asking him to give me salary but all i am asking is to give me some respect and love. if in a meeting, i speak in between and try to give my suggestions he willthink i am interupting but if in my place, if she would have been there, her suggestions would have been appreciated.today he has beaten me like an animal without any reason.this place is too small to tell youwhat happened because he beat me. he has banged my head on the walls sobadly that i have blood in my eyes. and there was no reason to beat me. there are no feelings in myheart for him. i am not asking much except for some respect. he claims he loves me but love and respect goes hand in hand.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 3:28am
Karen says:
Tawna,
I do not think you should call him at this point in time…. maybe you can e-mail with feeling messages what you are feeling about the situation: but i would make it short and to the point…. affirm that you DO want your marriage to work and you realize that you do have to do some work on yourself also… of which you are already doing….I went through a period of almost a MONTH before my estranged husband contacted me….. Like Rori says you have to give him space and sometimes a little time to miss you…. and while you are dating/flirting you are building your own self esteem and knowing that you make the choices to be happy and self fulfilled our men can not do this FOR us ….. it is something we choose to do together….You know you are going to make it NO matter what!!! but you don’t want him to come back to the same things the same way they were before…..you are going to be different in a way better way…. yes open and loving but with boundaries and looking after yourself first and what feels good for you…..please keep reading Rori’s posts…. she is constantly coming up with things that move us forward…. and know that you are a GIft from GOD and precious…..and you can learn to say not only what feels good to you but also what YOU DON’T want… not blaming your man or making him feel bad but just stating what you don’t want in your life….. I had to learn how to do this and not just sit there and stuff MY feelings down….I am pulling for you! Keep up the good work….
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 8:19am
Tawna says:
Thank you Karen! It is nice to talk with other people who have been through similar situations. I am almost re-learning how to focus on me again. And, the funny thing is, before we split up he told me he wanted me to find classes or something to do for just me. And when I did this after the split, he began calling more often, until now. I will continue to focus on me right now and continue to read the posts. I will e-mail him a feeling message and then lean back.
You are a great help…..thank you.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 10:57am
Tawna says:
Gayatri,
This bit of advice I am about to give you is honest because I have been in an abusive relationship before. You need to leave your husband because you are in a dangerous situation. He does not respect you or anyone else. A man who hits his wife is a man all about control. I am assuming that if he hits you he also calls you names. This will only lower your self-esteem. I also “happened to check” e-mails when I was in a similar situation. I did this because after all the names I had been called I felt very insecure. Have you thought about separating for a while? Please look after your safety FIRST because he is not doing this for you. The man you are with should be your protecter from unsafe situations, not the cause of them.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 11:06am
Gayatri says:
Tawna,
Thanks for understanding me. I really appreciate you for this.
but think for a while, is seperating the only option? he was the person who looked after me like a child. all of a sudden because of this secretary i am the person he hates the most.this is the 5th time he has beaten me and this time its a limit. yes i dont see love for me in his eyes since very starting. but he claims that he loves and he aplogised for he did to me. is breaking with him the only remedy? its an important decision of my life.i love him but he doesnt cares i know for sure. what about my family what will they think? i come from an Indian family. if breaking up is really a worth then i will break up. he use to care abt me but now things hv changed. i am scared if i seperate i dont want to repent. is any way to make him realise that what he is doing is wrong and i could show him the real picture of that secretary? presently she it seems she is playing games. in Poland, its a rule that after office hours no one picks up calls regarding work. but nowadays, this sec is working late in the night for my husband. strangely!!! may be she is upto make her impression on my husband and put me down in his eyes. i dont know really what to do! he says he knows that what she has done is wrong but he has never spoken a word against her. is breaking up the only option? i dont know. or shall i go ahead like this? ye
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 11:22am
Tawna says:
Karen,
After sending a simple feeling message my husband did write back, so that part is working. His message was short and lacking enthusiasm. He told me “I am not sure about you flying out here yet. My class is taking a field/road trip in December for at least 2 weeks”. I wrote back that we had time to figure it out and that I am trying to look at my options during this time (Karen, I have not yet decided if I should look for a temporary or full time job because of our circumstances). I ended it with “a class road trip sounds like fun. We have time”. He is a lot colder than what he was before the past weekend trip…
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 1:30pm
Gayatri says:
Tawna,
After reading your this post(the one that you messaged him and he replied) , if i send my husband any emails or any such message, he will hardly bother to reply me back.
all these love letters or sweet caring messages, means nothing to him.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 1:47pm
Karen says:
Tawna,
You did what you felt was the right thing to do….
Now let it lie and you must wait for him to contact you…. this is going to be the most frustrating and hard part of all…. but remember you are living your life for you and you can and will do it with or without him…..
but i do believe the most important thing right now is to not push him away by contacting him and making demands or asking ANY questions…. just be open to him when he calls….. cause he will…… and just keep listening to the Rori programs and practicing on everyone!
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 3:32pm
Karen says:
Tawna,
after reading your post again, I can tell you that he is dissappointed because you did not immediately jump to what HE thought you should do…..but that is OK…. he has to realize that he wants YOU to be happy…. and then both of you can work on being happy together…
This will take time…. sometimes it is hard for us women to stand up for what we want and not feel like we have to sacrifice all for “the cause”….. so again you may have to have talks with yourself and keep telling yourself what a special gift you truly are…..
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 3:39pm
Tawna says:
Karen
This is the last e-mail my husband sent me. I am not sure what is going on because a week ago he was talking about me moving there and us getting an apartment…
“I think you should definitely get a job in Alaska and we’ll see how it goes. I don’t have time or desire to go through any changes right now, we are totally slammed by assignments (2 weeks left before critique), plus I’m looking for a job, working on my website and portfolio book.”
I am shocked because he was just asking me to move there and was trying to get out of his lease so we could get an apartment. He had time to go on a weekend road trip and now does not want me to move there. I don’t get it…
Should I wait for him to contact me again. I did not reply to his e-mail.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 5:20pm
Rori Raye says:
Gayatri - I just now saw your post. Please answer me - is it normal and expected in your culture to allow a man to beat you physically? Because it is not acceptable in the United States, it is against the law, it is evil, it is punishable by prison time, and you MUST GET OUT OF THERE!!!!
Please call your local hot line for abused women. You can find it online, in the phone book, by calling the police - nearly anywhere. Do what they tell you to do. At least listen to them. If you have to go to a shelter, go. If you can throw him out of the house, do it. If he hits you again, call the police. I’m absolutely serious.
Chellie Campbell is a very well known financial expert - and she was born in America and was a battered wife. She talks about how she turned that around.
I’m guessing that the only reason you’re even asking about any of this is that your family would hold YOU responsible for your husband hitting you? This is wrong, and you must talk to people here who can clear up your ideas of what is acceptable and tolerable.
NO ONE has a right to assault another human being (and in my world - no being at all),
I do not want to hear about your feelings for him, or your hopes. He is a BAD MAN. GET AWAY NOW, and get protection from him!!! Love, Rori
Wednesday, 12 November 2008 @ 6:01pm
Tawna says:
Gayatri,
I know that this is very scary for you. However, I must tell you that it is important for you to leave and find a safe place to go. Your husband may never see that he is doing anything wrong, and unfortunately, because he has chosen you to be his punching bag, he WILL NOT listen to what you have to say. There is a great book called “The Verbally Abusive Man :Can he change?” by Patricia Evans. This book does not look at the physical abuse, but gives wonderful insight and affirmations for any victim of violence. I think this will help you. Please talk to your friends and research local women’s shelters. I am willing to bet that this started out verbally, then increased to physical. I am also willing to bet that the time between him being loving to you and him hitting you is getting shorter. This is a commen pattern of abusers and it is about CONTROL. He will not change unless he sees that he is doing something wrong and I do not think that he will. He has most likely been abusive in past relationships and will be in future relationships.
Also, it may be helful to google “abusive relationship”. I did this for a long time and it helped me. He has taken away your self confidence in order to keep you there as his punching bag. You are a GOOD PERSON. Please follow Rori’s advice. I know it is scary and difficult, but it is necessary.
Thursday, 13 November 2008 @ 12:02am
Tawna says:
Rori,
I am beginning to feel very uneasy in my current situation. Is this the right time to lean back? If not, do you have any suggestions?
Thank you to all of you. This helps me tremendously!
Thursday, 13 November 2008 @ 12:05am
Gayatri says:
Dear Rori & Tawna,
Thanks a lot for your caring.
my family knows all about me and they have been very supportive to me.
but this is a big decision of my life. is leaving him the only option?
i just dont want to make repentive decisions. yes after leaving him i can go to India and work and be independent but my heart doesnt allows me. i dont know what to do. i am really confused, my heart doesnt allows me to take this decisions just like that.
is leaving him the only best i can do? cant our relation be good as before?
Thursday, 13 November 2008 @ 1:02am
Rori Raye says:
Gayatri, Did you read my reply? GET OUT OF THERE!!! Yes, this is the ONLY solution. He’s BAD. A man who hits you will NEVER be anything but a brute without serious intervention and a personal desire to reform himself - and this is NOT YOUR MAN! He does not care. GO!!!! Get professional help immediately. This is how women get seriously hurt. I’m so sorry that you believe this kind of abuse is normal, and I want you to know it’s not. It has nothing to do with love or not love. It has to do with mental illness.
I will not answer you again about this, except to be gratified to hear you’ve taken care of yourself. Love, Rori
Thursday, 13 November 2008 @ 12:45pm
Tawna says:
Gayatri,
I do think that you leaving is the best choice. No, it is not your only choice. Your other choice is to stay with a man who does not respect you. If you were to do this NOTHING will get better. It will only get WORSE. Your family sounds supportive. Once you are in a safe and loving environment you will feel the difference in you. Right now this is dangerous, hurtful, and scary.
If you want to be happy in your life and safe, leaving is the best choice. Please LEAVE for your emotional and physical safety.
Friday, 14 November 2008 @ 3:27am
Tawna says:
Rori and Karen,
Do either of you have a suggestion on which program could most benefit me in my current situation?
Thank you!
Sunday, 16 November 2008 @ 4:41pm
Karen Roche says:
Tawna,
I have read several GREAT BOOKS by Susan Paige (I think that is how to spell her last name)…. She writes some of the same principles Rori uses but more geared for us married people…….I will get the list together and e-mail you the titles and the correct way to spell her last name…. I ordered mine off of Amazon .com for next to nothing…. they were slightly used….. She writes about situations like ours…. and practical things to do…. and feeling messages etc….. THEY ARE GREAT HELPS>>>>
hope to hear from you soon….
Monday, 17 November 2008 @ 9:49am
Rori Raye says:
Hi - thank you for this reference to Susan Page - she has an approach to relationship that’s spiritually based on “focusing on yourself.” The way I differ from her is this - for me, her “loving” approach works beautifully if you’re a woman with a reasonable amount of self-esteem. And, for many of us - the problem is just that - such a serious lack of self-esteem and low degree of difficulty, that we substitute “loving” behaviors, giving, understanding, nice and sweet behaviors for the behaviors that actually create ATTRACTION. Some of her examples and solutions actually make me want to scream, though the idea is lovely. This is how we Overfunction, end up stuffing down our feelings for fear they are not “loving,” miss the truly creative ways to Reconnect to our men, and essentially push a man away. There is much in here that is valuable and helpful, and works beautifully with my Tools. If you find her work helpful, let me know…Love, Rori
Monday, 17 November 2008 @ 10:47am
Tawna says:
Thank you Rori and Karen,
I am going to also order these books. I am continuing to listen to the cd’s from the Have The Relationship You Want CD’s. This is helping me. You guys are a great support!
Monday, 17 November 2008 @ 11:02am
Tawna says:
Gayatri,
How are you doing? I hope that you are safe. Please check in with me and the others so we know you are not hurt…..
Tawna
Monday, 17 November 2008 @ 11:03am
Gayatri says:
i really dont know whats wrong i cant send any comments, it gives me errors
Monday, 17 November 2008 @ 12:08pm
Gayatri says:
Hello Tawna,
Thanks a lot for asking. i hv to send one sentence at a time, there is some problem. you guys are such wonderful people.
Monday, 17 November 2008 @ 1:07pm
Gayatri says:
things aint good with me but he has not beaten me. the reason is, i spoke with him abt this and i told him that i felt bad abt what he did.
Monday, 17 November 2008 @ 1:13pm
Gayatri says:
but it doesnt makes him any difference. because he is not sorry for what he has done. and to be frank with you, i told him abt this blog due to which he will never beat me again.
Monday, 17 November 2008 @ 1:13pm
Gayatri says:
also, i have decided that i will not leave him.because leaving will be running away and be a coward. i dont want to run away specially from the person i love. he is wrong but i dont hv the heart to leave him.yes you all might be very mad at me but i really dont hv the heart to leave him. let see what happens.
i will for sure keep posted to all. but i feel blessed that i am a part of this blog.
Tuesday, 18 November 2008 @ 8:19am
Gayatri says:
right now its like a cold war. we dont talk much and he doesnt leaves any chance to taunt me. still i am trying to keep my cool and see what happens.i will not react no matter what.
Tuesday, 18 November 2008 @ 8:25am
Gayatri says:
he has been living from his family alone here in poland since 14 yrs. he has not been attached emotionally with any female here, physically yes. more than that, his family here in India, they are not so close to each other. they hv differences for each other. may these are the reasons that he behaves such.
Tuesday, 18 November 2008 @ 8:30am
Tawna says:
Gayatri,
Please look up abuse cycles on the internet. You will learn what the cycle is and you will recognize this cycle in your own life. I will not judge you for either staying or going because I do know how difficult it is. But, do keep reading about abuse in order to keep a realistic view of what is happening in your life. I know that there are times that he is very loving. This is how he keeps you hooked, even when things are bad. Please continue to educate yourself in all of this….
Tuesday, 18 November 2008 @ 10:47pm
sandy cook says:
Hi Rori,
I need your help…
I feel very depressed right now. my husband and i have been married for almost three years we both have a child from a previous marrage and we have two children together 6yr old boy and 5 month old girl.
The problem is i do not feel like he loves me… he never talks to me… i try and talk to him nut he never listens to me.. if he is watchingTV, playing Xbox, or on the computer they are more impotant to him then i am.
when i first met him i was a go getter had lots of friends… liked myself… and now… look at me i hate myself i dont think i can ever like me or love me. i am so miserable… I just want him to treat me better… love me … show me.. his action’s say he cant stand being around me…. he hurts my feelings everyday…. i dont know what to do…. i hate m y life!
Wednesday, 19 November 2008 @ 11:05am
Rori Raye says:
Sandy, Welcome - and I know you’re going to be amazed at the great help you’re going to get here from all of us…
I will not be the only one here saying that you’ve answered your own question, which is “How do I get back to the girl I was “go getter…liked myself…” And your own answer is - “Do what I was doing then…”
So the Tools that will lead you in the direction of yourself, your self-esteem and your personal fulfillment - which has NOTHING to do with HIM - are the Tools you need to get yourself started.
If you don’t have my ebook - start there, at least, so you can understand what we’re working on here and make the most use of the advice you’re going to get here. So many of the great women on this site are becoming or already are “gurus” themselves, so take it all in and learn from them, follow along with the Tools they’re using, get the programs they recommend…and I’ll keep posting to help with specifics. Love, Rori
Wednesday, 19 November 2008 @ 11:52am
Gayatri says:
hello Rore,
how are you?
i know you are mad at me for the decision i took.
but i feel blessed that i am among the people who dont know me still they care abt me.
Wednesday, 19 November 2008 @ 1:02pm
Tawna says:
Sandy,
I am in a similar situation as yours and I understand how difficult it is. Rori is right about doing what you love to do for yourself. It will help you to find you again. I am beginning to do this and it is helpful. It is important to remain who we are as individuals. If you find you again I am sure that your husband’s interest will be peaked.
Friday, 21 November 2008 @ 12:22pm
Tawna says:
Karen,
I have not spoken with my husband since the 2nd. He has e-mailed me, but mostly to talk about logistics. He is currently completing a final project for his class, but I am surprised by his lack of calling. Is this “normal” behavior? I continue to do my yoga and dance classes and spending time with old friends. But his behavior is somewhat strange.
Friday, 21 November 2008 @ 12:38pm
Tawna says:
Rori and Karen,
I am hoping to get some help with what is taking place right now in my relationship. I think what I am going through will sound familiar to a lot of people.
My husband called on Thanksgiving. We talked about me possibly moving to be with him. We had a nice calm conversation about the fact that it may be difficult for us because he is incredibly busy. We also talked about some of the things we will each not allow to happen again. Mine was that I would not stay if he called names when he gets angry. He does this often because this is how he was raised. I told him that I feel hurt and sad when he does this. My husband did not see anything wrong with it and shut down for a few minutes of the conversation. I was able to bring him back to the conversation using feeling messages. He ended by telling me he would call me at 10 the next morning. I has been 2 days and he still has not called. I am leaning back because he said that he would call. But, I am concerned because he does not understand why name calling and not calling when he said he would is not ok. I do not feel that I am being unreasonable by setting the boundary of no name calling or by expecting him to call when he said he would (or at least call to apologize for not doing it). Am I right by not calling?
Sunday, 30 November 2008 @ 1:00pm
Tawna says:
Rori,
I am wondering if you can tell me what order I should follow for your programs. I have the “Reconnect Your Relationship” program, and am not sure which one I should use next. My situation is still the same, if not a little worse since my last post. My husband is distancing himself more and more. He has not called when he said he would. He also has gone 3 weeks without initiating calls or e-mails. During our last conversation he told me that he thought I should stay where I am until we have both saved money for when/if I move to be with him. He commented that this may be another 6 months or so. At that point we would have been apart for 9 months. I do agree with your and Karen’s previous advice of visiting him first. This will have to wait until either one of us has the money to fly. I think right now we are both focusing on ourselves and not being stressed. Prior to our separation we had returned from over seas, at which time my mother passed away and my brother was diagnosed with heart failure. To add to that we discovered that we need to see a specialist due to the possibility of not being able to conceive. Needless to say, we were very stressed and depressed. Now that we are separated I think we are both finding ourselves again. I am not sure what to do next in your program. Could you offer a suggestion for me please?
Thanks!
Tawna
Monday, 15 December 2008 @ 3:54pm
Rori Raye says:
Tawna - do you have the ebook? Really, really work with that - and then the next program is definitely Modern Siren…it will get you together and feeling and being attractive. Love, Rori
Monday, 15 December 2008 @ 6:23pm
Tawna says:
Rori,
I do not have the e-book. I actually do not have my own computer to download onto. Do you also sell hard copies? I would love to get this book!
Monday, 15 December 2008 @ 10:48pm
Maria says:
Gayatri,
l dated indian men for 2 years, whose sister was arranged to another indian, living in States. That marriage turned out to be one of the abusive ones, and now as far as l recall there is a court case going on with children, cos as the father has more power, children are in US and not with her mother. Mother decided to go back to UK, but with a lot of support from their family.
Now as long as you do not have children think about it, it is better for you at the moment to take any action regarding to your better life. You may feel that you are weak and you depend of your husband, cos you brought way over to India. That is why the helping centre is about - they work out all the details, cos most of the time, the women, who stay in that situation are unable to help themselves.
l can almost feel what you may feel, and l do not know how to advice you to get the -relevation point-of your situation and escape from it, cos you deepest desire is to work it out with your husband and you have the hope that there is a better solution. My best advice is to actually be aware of yourself, your beauty, your power and you see that there is actually many many many choises for you (and lm not only talking about men at the moment, but being independent)
just let me know how it is going.
Maria
Friday, 26 December 2008 @ 7:59am
Gayatri says:
Dear Maria,
thanks a lot. felt good to see something for me on this post.right now my husband has changed a lot.you all are very right. but i am very positive abt our relation.i spoke with my husband a lot and he listens to me.you know what i did- i made him read the posts on this website and he realizes what i feel.he apologizes from the core of his heart for what he did.he has changed a lot., he cares for me now still i am aware.what i have discovered is- since 14 years he has been living alone without his family and so he doesnt know that family members should be treated with pride and respect. his family in India- even they are not attached with each other,everyone has differences for one another.so i have to teach him the emotional bond with the family members.i did what my common sense told me.i have seen love for me in his eyes because of which i was even able to dare to do all this. all the best for everything, i will keep everyone posted on this blog.thanks for all the support to everyone.
Friday, 26 December 2008 @ 10:38pm
Maria says:
Oh God, this is so good to hear and l wish u all the best. l am so glad to hear, cos as l said that it is just the right solution for your marriage to get bonded again.
Tuesday, 6 January 2009 @ 10:12am