Comments on: He’s Staying Over At His Ex-Girlfriend’s House - What To Do…

By: Roxanne

Roxanne — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:44:08 +0000

rori and all who comment on this.. i have not heard a word since he left 12 days ago.. i feel he is contimplating our conversations. i had to call him on a problem i had with one of his tools,other then that our conversation was wonderful but i have not returned a call at all to him and i have not heard from him.I thought he may be here next week but i do not know for sure since i have not heard from him at all. but i do love your speach you wrote for me to practice on and i do intend to do this.. because it does not feel good to me to not hear from him as well as tolerateing myself for just sitting back while he bounces back an forth. i have been dating myself still only more so not just in the Hardware stores but in restaurants an bars and going out with friends and thier men friends as a tagalong.. that is ok but i also get to meet more men and i do talk to them and practice your tools of eye contact.i am involved in my art work and other things but i long for him my heart hurts when i am not with him or feel close in spirit with him. perhaps i have closed this connection in fear of my own pain of sitting back i do not know but this heart opening tool i use to keep my heart open is in the proccess of trying to keep my options open. It is expensive to treat myself all the time but i am doing my best. I ALSO FOUND some new tools you may want to reccommend one is not just love your self an your own feelings but go ahead and love the other person too keep the love connection open all the way.. liking is ok.. My trouble is i do not really want to be with another man in a open relationship but the one i love. i am finding it hard really hard to let another man kiss or touch me.. that feels icky.. but to just talk and eat with or say hi too and feel conversations out is ok. but the actually DATE that is icky feeling. that deos not feel good to me to do this.. So the baby steps well at this point i will just keep the options open on just talking an eating or having a glass of wine with .. and off home alone..now maybe after my converstaion with him when he returns when ever may change my mind i do not know. but the going back an forth from me to the x just is not a good feeling to me. am i wrong to call it musical beds? even if he is supposedly not sleeping with her ot touching her? I just do not like it any longer and i really feel your right he just is doing what makes him content and is easy for him because of past habits… and he is used to having his way. I do not know but i do not depend onhim for any monetary financial means what so ever. i live in my own means as the others have always been after him for his money and they need his support and have tolerated his back an forth for it to use him .. i do not an never will..HE WOULD LIKE ME TO ACCEPT HIS MONEY and let him help me out but i won’t.. Is this perhaps a issue i do not understand..Is his money his power he uses and wants to use over women? i do not know but i have always been independent and now i just do not know how to let his money contribute. or ask him if i am low.. does this sound famillure?do other women have these issues? Is money like physical duties? you should let men do?

By: Chloe

Chloe — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:36:59 +0000

Wow–this is powerful: “After you get this straight, you may feel sad if he doesn’t step up right away (give him time) - but you won’t feel angry.

Your anger isn’t becasue of what he’s doing, it’s because of what YOU’RE tolerating and the effort YOU are putting out.”

I can’t believe how often I stuff what I’m really feeling with my boyfriend and just go along because I am afraid I will feel sad! Which always makes me mad at myself and leads me to feeling sad anyway, along with anger at myself.

Thank you so much for this blog–I have spent the last hour reading and learning.

By: Daria

Daria — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:01:03 +0000

Ditto on feeling greedy! Hehehe…
Thank you Rori. The speech plan you laid out was very helpful… and clarified a lot for me…

By: alias girl

alias girl — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:15:45 +0000

i don’t understand how you are so smart, rori. all your tools and advice and suggestions feel so right on. And yet it’s scary. baby step by baby step. it’s scary to think i might lose the one i really want because he can’t/won’t step up. it’s also scary to possibly get what i really want (from him or a new man). i have new men really wanting to treat me nice and it is scary. i’m not kidding. i crawled under my bed last night because i felt so out of control and scared. at least it felt safe under my bed. i mean i crawled back out after a minute of crying but oh ok feeling like a crazy person here. but it made me realize how powerful feelings can be sometimes. i see now and have more compassion for men when they just shut down their feelings or are reluctant to get involved right away. because if it’s scary for me—-who has a lot more tools and support…how scary it must be for a man—who has no tools and no support—for dealing or processing his feelings. i am grateful for this process. also i am feeling a little greedy. I want big changes in all areas of my life RIGHT NOW!!!