Quickest Way to Get Your Man from Cold to Conversational

Why Ignoring Your Man Can Open Him Up

My husband once seemed like a mystery I couldn’t solve, like a puzzle with missing pieces, and with a brick wall where his heart should be. He seemed impossible to get to know – and more important – impossible for me to show my real, true self to.

A minute ago, he walked by me with an air that reeked of “cold” to me. My first instinct is to anger – “How dare you!” I want to scream. “If you want to talk to me, come to me – don’t make me follow you around!” And then I got it…

What I “got” was that my husband going “cold” is either:

He’s angry and upset with me, and doesn’t know how to say it; or,
He’s angry and upset with something that has NOTHING to do with me.

So – the “old” me would jump right in imagining that this is all about ME. I’d go over everything that happened with us in the last 24 hours, and try to fix it by thinking up something nice to do for him – like suggesting something fun to do, or initiating affection or sex, or just plain chatting to “lighten” the mood. I’d go into “Overfunctioning” mode, which would just push him away more. (As I explain and help you with in my Have the Relationship You Want ebook, “Overfunctioning” is one of the biggest ways we push our men away).

Or – I’d get angry right back. “What right does he have to get all ‘moody’ with me?” I’d ask myself.

Sound familiar? I’d jump right into “defensive thinking.”

Now (and I’ve been able to do this since I turned my marriage around nearly 15 years ago), I just go do something for myself that feels GREAT. I breathe, I use my Tools to regain my sense of Power and get back into my body, my heart and my life.

Usually, within an hour, my husband chases ME down and starts a conversation.

Do these 5 things when you find yourself in this same situation:

Catch yourself wherever you are, whatever you’re thinking or feeling that’s a reaction to what your man is doing – for example: either feeling angry, defensive, frightened that he’s losing interest, or starting to “Overfunction” (offering him something like food, or a massage, or asking him how he’s feeling, or picking up after him…)
Stop. Just absolutely STOP.
Breathe
Stand totally still and Find Your Feelings – for now just see if you can find a feeling or a sensation in your body. It will help you feel more grounded, and stop you from following your normal pattern of reacting to him in ways that don’t work.
Turn around. Find something to do for YOU.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable and strange when you do this – GREAT! It means you’re on your way to shifting your relationship. Let me know how it feels for you to “ignore” your man, and I’d love to know what he does, so be sure to comment here.

written by Rori Raye • Permalink • Leave a Comment »

Tuesday, 1 July 2008 @ 10:30am

1: Heather says:

Sounds very familiar. Over the years I’ve sort of developed my own tactics for getting him to open up. I’ve learned that if I approach him immediately (while his face is still all pinched up like he’s just smelled a dirty diaper), he’s too upset to talk about it. If I wait till his expression has a chance to soften, and then I ask him in the most non-threatening, non-needy way possible if everything is alright, I tend to get a better reaction.

I don’t say “Are you mad at me?” b/c that’s just going to make me sound like his mother who is constantly asking both of us that same question & it drives us up the wall. I just ask “Is everything OK babe? You seemed a bit tense earlier & I wanted to know if there was something on your mind.”… sometimes it works, and he talks. Other times he’ll stick to his “I’m fine” routine. Which we all know “I’m fine” means I’m NOT fine b/c it’s the same thing we say to them when we are NOT fine.

Don’t you wish we could all just be completely honest & say what we mean, when we mean it, without having to worry about hurting someone’s feelings??

Tuesday, 1 July 2008 @ 11:15am

2: Lori says:

I am glad that is working for you sometimes. I wanted to point out another way of thinking about this topic for those who don’t have the same success.

I don’t even ask “are you OK babe?” since reading Rori’s tools. In fact, I try not to even think it. When I start focusing on his thoughts and emotions, I just stop. It’s not my job to check on his feelings or thoughts anymore! Boy does that feel like a relief. I am the feminine partner … it’s my job to feel. I know when I go down that road it feels like I’m being caring, but to him it looks like I’m trying to control where I shouldn’t or that I’m being needy. So no matter how it feels, it’s not going to get me what I want. And that’s bad for both of us. So I just STOP.

The tools allow me to SHOW him how I feel without speaking. So I’m not worrying about hurting anyone’s feelings with my words. I think we CAN and MUST be completely honest, and we don’t have to worry about hurt feelings if we are with a good man. If I am concerned about it – or if I am holding back, I can always say “I’m feeling afraid to share something with you because I think it will be hard for you to hear right now, and I don’t want my words to hurt you. What do you think?”

Maybe he doesn’t want to hear it. Maybe he will assuage my concerns and I will feel confident enough to reveal it. No matter the result, I’ve communicated a feeling and given him a chance to respond to it.

Monday, 21 July 2008 @ 3:28pm

3: Carmela says:

I have only been using the tools for a few weeks but I have learned alot so far. My soon-to-be ex-boyfriend ignores me alot and what I do when he does that is I look out the window and I get in Dance Position and I focus on myself and get into my feelings. Sometimes, I get my Rori notes out and review in areas I feel weak or work on areas I hadn’t worked on yet from the CDs. It always makes me feel better and even though we are in the proccess of breaking up he always comes back to talk to me later. I leave the bedroom and go to the dining room so I can read and write in my Rori notes book and he always comes out to talk to me for a few minutes. Sometimes, he just comes up behind me and kisses me on the cheek or gives me a touch or a squeeze. It is really funny in a way. I still feel a bit weird doing all this stuff, but I tell you, I see an improvement in how he treats me. I also practice all this on other men. I talk alot less too. Takes the pressure off of me. I really like that, it does make things easier on a lady.

Monday, 15 September 2008 @ 9:10am

4: alias girl says:

the last man i dated LOVED it when i leaned back. LOVED it when i ignored him. in fact come to think of it all the guys ilve been with love it when i ignored them. except i feel insincere if they call me and i am available to not take the call. i Want to talk to them.also i am afraid they will do it back to me and set up a dynamic i donLt like. i like it that when i call the either take the call or get right back to me. but still these guys Loved it esp when they did something i didnLt like so i leaned way back just short of cutting them loose. however none of these guys turned into a real long standing commited real relationship so who knows. anyway guys seem to love to be ignored and all i want to do is love on them and be loved on back. like two women only i like men and am not a lesbian. whatLs the answer i donLt know but i am sure i will discover it.

Friday, 10 October 2008 @ 1:34am

5: Rori Raye says:

Alias Girl – Try it this way: Instead of “Loving Him” when a man shows up after you’ve been Leaning Back – (no pretend or games, remember – perhaps you still have a very forward-leaning style of loving, so practice with that) – try OPENING UP. Just be warm, open, sensual, into yourself, smiling, experiencing, appreciative of what he does for you and the love he gives you.

Believe it or not, it’s this accepting, receiving, appreciating, experiencing quality in a woman that feels like Love to a man. And if we can get used to it – it can feel like Loving to us, too. Because it is! Love, Rori

Friday, 10 October 2008 @ 10:20am

6: Linda says:

Oh Rori, you make so much sense and I am absolutely engulfed in all of your programs. I am trying to use your techniques to turn my relationship around, which hsas been nulled since mid July. I am trying not to overfunction, not to be in convincing mode, which is where the relationship broke down, After weeks and weeks of silence on my part and his, he started calling, writing and looking for excuses to get in touch, Ureka I thought! I began using feling messages each time we spoke, I turned him down when he wanted to go for a drink impromptu, the first time he’s asked me out in months. I told him how great it felt to know he wanted to see me. I had school work to do, though. But he has backed away again. I have not contacted him. I responded to an IM to saying that I felt really wonderful speaking with him when he contacted me that Sunday morning. There have been no further attempts since. Of course it’s just a few days, not much more than a week since he wanted to go out. It feels like an eternity, I thought I was so close to turning him around. Can these messages be scaring him off? Is it an indication he is not interested in communicating on a feeling, genuine level? Telling me he wants to keep it casual, friendly? Ordinarily I’d have dropped everything and run to see him. I am getting impatient. Any thoughts, inspiring advice or techniques? Linda

Tuesday, 28 October 2008 @ 5:40pm

7: Patricia says:

Hey Linda,

I’ve been in a Yo-Yo relationship too for two years. After reading Rori’s “Have The Relationship You Want”, I realize that we women really wear ourselves out being people pleasers.

This past Friday was Halloween. I decided to drive by a few lounges that my man frequents. I spotted his SUV and decided to walk in and surprise him. This was the very first time that I ever went into a bar alone. Well…there he was sitting at the bar having a drink with a woman dressed in a witch costume. I was so shocked and embarrassed; I grabbed a stool directly in front of me. To late…he spotted me and called my name. I walked over to them, he smiled and introduced me to the woman and asked me to join them. I declined and immediately walked away. A few minutes later he sent me a text message (in which I did not read until I got home stating) “I am not on a date…please come over”.
As I sat at the bar, four men came over to me and we all started talking. My man walked over to me insisting that she was a just a friend and to please come over and sit with them. I told him to leave me alone, as I no longer wanted to have anything to do with him. I kept insisting that he go back over to her. He would not leave my side. After fifteen minutes of him pleading with me, the witch walked out saying “Goodnight” to us and they exchanged a quick cheek kiss. We stayed a little longer, and then I told him that I wanted to go home. He walked me to my car and we had a conversation. He touched my hair, kissed my lips and said that I was ravishing and he wants to marry me. As he stepped out of my car, he turned around and said, “I love you”. He called me yesterday and we had small talk. This situation has given me so much “POWER”. I now realize that I was giving too much to a handsome man that I now consider a taker. Rori taught me that men want to do things for us. Ladies…let them!

Thank you Rori,
Patricia

Sunday, 2 November 2008 @ 9:26pm

8: Linda says:

Wow Patricia! what a great turn of events! I’m dyinmg to know what you will do next. I have just begun dating, and I am catching myself every time I refuse to receive, even when someone offers to help with the groceries.It is so liberating when I stop myself from overfunctioning. As a mom, that’s all I do. I see now that I was being a mom with my ex.And he is naturally very masculine but learned to take from me, and take me for granted. In fact, it actually made him angry and a bit mean.When I stopped giving, as I have only recently, I can tell he is confused. He has turned to me for advice and shopping tips, which I oblige, but I really don’t want to be friends. So I am friendly but don’t initiate anything or ask anything. I am leaning back with him and the other men I meet, consciously, as it’s still so hard and new for me. It’s amazing to see their faces when I talk in feeling messages! Any way, thanks for sharing your story with me. I think we are lucky to have found Rori, and each other, all of us on this blog. Linda

Monday, 3 November 2008 @ 6:49pm

9: Patricia says:

Hi Linda…It’s going to be a hard for us to change, but it’s necessary for survival.
I have not heard from him yet, but that’s not unusual. I have always been the one to take charge (I really don’t care if I ever speak to him again…it is what it is). By nature I’m too nice. I have always put people that I care about before me. Adults take kindness for weakness and only the strong survive! In fact, those are the kind of people that I attract. I would never have walked into a bar alone. If he was late, I would sit in my car while waiting for him to arrive. I now have “Power”. I jumped into the pool and it made me stronger. I am no longer afraid to do anything. I don’t want to turn into a Barfly, but I decided to date myself. On occasion, I will dress up and walk into any bar that I choose. In fact, I’m going to pretend to be talking to someone on my cell as I walk in. This way no one knows what I’m up to.
: )

Tuesday, 4 November 2008 @ 9:08am

10: Linda says:

Dear Patricia, Being brave is empowering! We are all too nice, too accomodating. I am learning that you can be nice without being subserviant.At least I’m trying to. I just met a guy and I’m trying to use the tools. Takes alot of conscious effort! dating yourself is a great idea. I think we have to look at every situation we go into as a date yourself possibility. Always ready, always aware. I have taken myself to dinner or the movies in the past, but never looked at it as a possible opportunity. I was always so prousd I was on my own, but never made eye contact or anything with anyone I came across. In other words, you go girl!

Tuesday, 4 November 2008 @ 10:46am

11: Becca says:

Wow Patricia and Linda! I felt so inspired by your stories.
I can’t seem to get my ex out of my head. He broke up with me almost 4 months ago now and we have been back in contact for almost 3 months. I know now that I was overfunctioning and leaning forward and this is why our relationship broke up and I feel like I want a second chance with him but am not sure I’ll get it. The last time I saw him was 2 and a half weeks ago and he has not contacted me since, which feels weird. I feel like he is ignoring me now. I went on holidays and got back yesterday. Last time I saw him he offered to give me a lift home from the airport, to which I told him I’d let him know and thanked him, then a couple of days before I left I called him to take him up on his offer – he didn’t answer, so I text messaged him and he didn’t reply and hasn’t contacted me. I feel confused and ignored, but feel that its not my place to contact him again. I feel like I don’t know what to do, my jaw feels tense and my throat feels tight. I feel sad and angry when I think that he may be ignoring me. I feel like I don’t know what to do. Should I just keep ignoring him?

Wednesday, 5 November 2008 @ 8:23pm

12: Linda says:

Becca, I love that name! I would keep ignoring him. More than that, I would just try to get on with it. he’ll turn up eventually and you want to be busy, fulfilled and not chomping at the bit, as they say. Plus, you’ll want to be enjoyin your life! He’ll also begin to wonder why you haven’t called or texted hm as usual.
Every time I wait for a call, or spend all my time trying to figure him out, it feels like an eternity. It’s wasted time you never get back.Like Rori says, though it’s so hard to do, you can’t control the outcome, and shouldn’t try to. It’s ipossible and it also seems to piss them off.
You know, it’s much easier to talk to someone, try to give your ake on them. It’s much harder to do it yourself. that’s why i’m so happy to have this venue to discuss this stuff. It’s like we’re all really talking to ourselves. You’ll be fine. the more attention you pay yourself, the more fun you’ll have, the more fun you’ll be to be around, and bonus, the better you’ll look!

Wednesday, 5 November 2008 @ 8:39pm

13: Becca says:

Thankyou Linda, I feel that you are right. I will NOT initiate contact with him again. It just feels really difficult and sad to me as I was with him for 2 and a half years… had our futures planned and all that. But you are right! I will make a future fo myself, by myself, and by loving myself and doing what I WANT. Thanks again for your encouragement and support! It feels good to know that you are out there

Wednesday, 5 November 2008 @ 9:17pm

14: Becca says:

I feel so confused and sad and icky today! He still hasn’t contacted me so it has been almost 3 weeks since I last saw him. I feel scared that he won’t step up and contact me. I feel anger that he hasn’t contacted me. I feel ignored and rejected. I feel so confused! I still feel that he is the man that I want but he will not even contact me. It is so difficult not to contact him when I just want to ask him what is going on – but I am not going to! This blog gives me strength. Thank you Linda for listening! Rori, please help, am I doing the right thing? I have been trying to make my life all about me and what I feel and want, and have been reconnecting with old friends (some of whom just happen to be guys) and making new friends. I feel excited about going out with one the guys tonight, but also feel confused by this as I still feel love for my ex. Everytime I think of him I feel sad. I feel like he is slipping further from me. I feel tension in my jaw and an ache in my heart. I want to let go of him as I don’t want him to rule my life (esp when he is not in it!) – but I still love him and want to SHARE my life with him. I feel so confused that I still love him. I feel teary just writing this but it feels good to let it out. I love that I can feel my emotions and let them out – esp the icky ones.
I have just received a job offer that would require me to move interstate (it doesn’t start until February). All my friends are really supportive of me and think I should go. The thing is, I feel that it would be a wonderful opportunity for my career, as my career is going nowhere where I am at the moment and it is only for a year then they will tranfer me to their site back home. But I feel so scared that if I do go I will never have another chance with the man I am still in love with. Arrgghhhhhhhh! I feel soooo confused! This feels so complicated and I don’t know what to do. I can’t help thinking that even if I do stay, this man may not come back. I don’t want to regret not taking this job because of that. Sometimes I feel would it be so bad if I did go, I know there ARE other men out there. I want someone who will step up and adore me and cherish me. And I want to do whats best for me.

Friday, 7 November 2008 @ 6:19pm

15: Linda says:

Hey Becca; I think we all have to be careful we are not dwelling in the shadow of an imaginary relationship. You can feel love for your ex, but be careful that love doesn’t override the love you feel for yourself. They seem to hate it when they are so sure of us. Anyway, today I am in the muck and mire of my own soup. I’m hoping this is part of the process. Gotta get rid of that nasty voice. It’s really tough some days, I know. If you don’t take the job opportunity in the hopes you can be around for your guy, you’ll be sorry. He’ll find you, no matter where you go. And he’ll be proud of you, when you are proud of yourself, thinking of yourself. We can’t live for them, it’s unhealthy for us and scary for them.

Friday, 7 November 2008 @ 7:28pm

16: Becca says:

Thank you again Linda, so much. I feel better after writing my thoughts on here and hearing yours. It puts everything into perspective. I know you are right. It feels right to do whats best for me (taking the job) rather than wallowing in hope that may be false. I hope your situation turns out well too. I understand what you mean about the nasty voice in my head telling me of my fears and magnifying them so that it overrides what I know feels true and right. Its all about having fun and enjoying now, and taking care of myself. Take care, I am looking forward to hearing how you are going too. This blog empowers me

Saturday, 8 November 2008 @ 12:24am

17: Linda says:

“Courage, strength, and hope possess my soul. Not yet have I attained the height of my ambition; that once achieved, I will stand firmly and without fear. “Goethe

Saturday, 8 November 2008 @ 5:14am

18: Rori Raye says:

Linda – You are so right – Thank you for all your great support, lovely thoughts, and ideas.

Try not “getting rid” of the Nasty Voice – for you never will completely – in my programs I give you different techniques for setting the Voice aside, for acknowledging the Voice, and yet TAKING CHARGE of yourself – pretty much OVERRIDING the Voice.

The more you write out what you like, what your strengths are, how you feel, the more strongly you’ll identify with your TRUE SELF, instead of with the Voice. You’ll get a “New Normal.” Love, Rori

Saturday, 8 November 2008 @ 10:18am

19: Samantha says:

Hi everyone, I felt that after reading Rori’s ideas I could share my expereince with you all and see what help or advice I could get. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year, we are living together (I realize it may have been fast) and it seems like after every fight we have had it pushed him away a little more each time- which I cannot blame him for because after reading Rori’s ideas it only makes sence that I pushed him away by all of that! But now that I have these ideas to work with I feel as though we have a chance- at the moment we are recovering from a previous fight – but it hasent yet resolved itself- I dont know what to say to him- I dont know what to do, I have basically been doing “nothing” and leaning back – but he shows no sign of caring, at all. He hardly initiates conversation with me, he hardly says hello or goodbye to me, he never asks me how my day as been, or work etc, he has just stopped “doing” anything at all. I am getting so frustrated with all this- and I wish I could say something to him to make everything better, or at least get us out of this no-talking phase, No interacting, no loving, no nothing – Tonight he invited a guy friend of his over tonight, so I feel so left out right now. I understand that hes allowed to have friends, but in a situation like this it only makes things worse when you know they are enjoying theirselves without you!! Its upsetting because my boyfriend and I have had the most wonderful relationship up until he moved back home and in with me (before we had a LD relationship) Which now seems a lot easier!!! I wish I had my old boyfriend back, to love me and treat me how he used to…..Help Please…

Friday, 28 November 2008 @ 10:03pm

20: Samantha says:

OMG! So just a minute ago his friend and him came back home from getting some food- I have been on the computer and my boyfriend came in to see what I was doing I just told him I was playing a game (which I was) and told him a little about it, he said cool and was walking out of the room, I said “Hey Kelvin, come here for a sec” and hes like “What?..” (with an attitude, like he really didnt want to come) and I said Nevermind. So him and his friend hung around for like 5 minutes and then I heard the Tv shut off and them begin to get their boots and coats on and I asked “where are you going?” and my bf said “Out” and I asked “where?” and he said “To get milk” But like I just dont understand this feeling of distance and what not, I hate it!!! I cant even talk to him or ask him anything without a fight or feeling of frustration meanwhile if I went somewhere and he asked and all I said was “out” he would say “Well clearly your going ‘out’ where are you going ??” And of course I’d answer him-
I’m so sick of this waslking on egg shells to be around him, I am really no good at implementing the advice Roris giving me, I love it and think its great but its so hard applying it in a relationship where you feel so broken down about-
I just feel he hates me, and doesnt want anything to do with me, and then of course in the middle of the night he expects “attention” and I feel like a doormate because I have gone through with it and the next day there is just a feeling of “nothing” that I get from him, like he cant even greet me in the mornings at all –
I dontk now what I am doing wrong, I am so in tears writing this- I am so desperate and I’m trying not to cry incase he comes home …
I feel like if I went away visiting my family for a while a few days or so he would resent me for going, and do something equally frustrating to get me back – I feel so stuck. I dont know how to be all about “me” I dont know what I should do-
I go to work, I go to college, and I live here- Not much else- I dont know how to enjoy myself- by myself (I would rather do things with him) But he doesnt seem to want to anymore. I dont know whether or not to talk to him or ignor him or whatever- nothing seems to be working thus far

Friday, 28 November 2008 @ 10:25pm

21: Rori Raye says:

Samantha, Welcome to this blog and community, and I know you will get help here in using the Tools – and which ones to start with. I know the ebook alone will clarify things for you, give you exact steps to do first.

Everything you’re saying is screaming for me to answer that you’ve answered your own questions!

You talk about not knowing how to be happy, not knowing how to be for yourself, and about being all bound up in HIM.

This is where you start. Letting him go without asking him where he’s going or what he’s doing is a starting place. He’s supposed to come over to you, kiss you, and say goodbye and tell you where he’s going – all by himself. Without any prompting or questions – and as you feel stronger and get more comfortable with yourself and find ways to make yourself happy that have nothing to do with him, your VIBE will change, and he will either start doing that and step up, or you’ll be feeling so good, so many men will start approaching you – you’ll get absolutely BORED with him.

This is a process. It’s all about self-esteem and the expression of that – the way self-esteem looks – even when you aren’t FEELING strong. You’ll get the hang of it. Just get the book or a program, and try all the Tools on this blog, and you’ll see, it will get better. Love, Rori

Monday, 1 December 2008 @ 3:43pm

22: Samantha says:

Okay, I tried making it all about myself, I completely screw it up each time! He frustrates me so much sometimes that my “old ways” just come out and I react to it. These day couple of days I have been trying my best with Rori’s ideas, and then the one night he and I finally talked after days of barley aknowledging each other, and I kinda let him in on what I’m diong lately, with all this reading- and why I feel we have the problems we do. I wasent trying to make any promises to him , because im done doing that. I just explained that it was for the best for myself to try this. And he went into the other room, and normally I would have followed him in there and still went on about everything we were talking about- but this time I didnt I stayed at my computer thats in our office at our apartment.
TONIGHT, I failed- I saw someone he was messaging from the night before and made the comment “You guys talk a lot” and of course he said no, and maybe they dont but w/e- and I just said to him that he wouldnt appreciate that either- having that sore feeling in your stomach- and so full of jealousy!! That my boyfriend talks to some other girl online- and not me!!! Makes ya mad!!! And then I feel like I want to go and talk to all these other guys just to make him mad and ignor him- but he says to me that he doesnt care as much anymore- Frig I guess I should have appreciated when he was jealous and mad at the guy friends I “used” to talk to- but dont anymore because it always caused such a problem…….
Now I have no idea what to do- I have Rori’s E-book and same with Cristian Carter’s E-book – they are both wonderful books, and have really opened my eyes, but why am I not seeing any results? I need a little more direction I think …
It seems that even when I talk to him now, I get so nervous about things that I just sound like an idiot, and the face he gives me when we try to talk is horrible, and I feel so down about myself- Its almost like I’ve forgotton how to talk to him… :S Weird as that sounds…Or maybe he just can’t tolerate me anymore – I dont know – I sound like I’m rambling on…
I just want him to be so attracted to me again, where he wants to go out together, and cuddle with me on the couch, or hug and kiss me with the same meaning and feelings behind them… and do all the little things that he used to do for me… I just feel so lost right now I can barley hold in the tears…
I hate that he is now talking to other girls (and I was always the confident person in the relationship- go figure) now im the person with the least confidence, and I look so completely insecure to him… We live together and Its hard to get away from him I wish I could go away for a weekend and make him miss me…but he doesnt anymore..
Please Help…

Tuesday, 2 December 2008 @ 8:04pm

23: L.L.Sweat says:

Oh my goodness this is brilllllllliant! I love this. I just printed it and I think I may tattoo it to my palm. This has been a huge area of overfunctioning for me. I couldn’t stand his coolness and would if not immediately, very soon cave and try to fix the problem. I could feel myself resent him every time I did it. Way to go, Rori. Another jewel of information. Thanks a million!

Friday, 16 January 2009 @ 5:59pm

24: Tina says:

Rori please advice me about overfunctioning.

My boyfriend’s b’day is coming up. He hasnt committed to me yet even after 2 years because of his blah……blah reasons

But, he is very loving to me.

He likes something thats expensive n i said id gift it to him. He said, its too expensive for my budget and we could discuss about it later.

But, i wanna buy a gift card for that expensive gift and give it to him the next time I meet him to surprise him.

Because, I remember him mentioning to me that he likes surprises.

Will this act of mine be Overfunctioning.

Should I still give him that expensive gift?
Will I come across as needy?

Please let me know.

Tuesday, 9 June 2009 @ 9:32am

25: bella says:

wow..again, it’s amazing to see that i’m not the only woman who can’t stand that ‘coldness’ that can be felt sometimes…i always want to ask if he’s okay and if he’d like to talk or needs anything…because i’m a really caring person and that’s what naturally comes to mind: how can i be of help to this person? but it seems that the key is to empower myself by doing something i enjoy and letting him be until he comes to me and wants to talk or whatever. i am curious to see what will happen when i next get an opportunity to try this out in my own relationship. hopefully it will result in me feeling strong and independent, while still supportive, and him feeling good too.

Thursday, 13 August 2009 @ 9:39pm

26: schmoozy says:

heck..what ever happened with Samantha?…that was a year ago…! did you let him go Samantha?….He sounds like he just did NOT appreciate you at all Goddess! Hope you’re with someone amazing……

Saturday, 2 January 2010 @ 3:01pm

27: rebeka says:

i am here in the overfunctioning section of the website and curious, with valentines day coming up, about holidays or anniversaries and overfunctioning? i very much would like to plan something for valentines day and also for our anniversary (2 weeks later!) but he always forgets and that does not feel very good. so i am curious how to balance my love for all things holidays/special and my overfunctioning.

Thursday, 28 January 2010 @ 5:05pm

28: Daria says:

Hi Rebeka, I saw you in the latest comments bar. It can be easy to miss your comment in this post. Try the newest posts and comment, or else the ask your questions here thread seems active.

I would absolutely not plan. That IS overfunctioning. There is much more behind this than that short answer.

Thursday, 28 January 2010 @ 5:35pm

29: Rori Raye says:

Oooh – Valentine’s Day – what a great place for knock-out post about loving yourself. How about you schedule a spa day, or a shopping day or a dress up day for YOU, and invite him (if you live with him – otherwise don’t bother) if he’d like to come. Don’t expect anything – not even flowers, but if you put flowers in your hair and jewelry on your arms and a flirty skirt on and dance around the room with yourself – wouldn’t that be mesmerizing? Who wouldn’t be inspired to bring flowers to that? Love, Rori

Thursday, 28 January 2010 @ 7:22pm

30: Alisa says:

Hello all,

Im just getting into using some of rori’s lessons. Recently I almost pushed my guy completely away because I was afraid of having a healthy relationship. I was so use to the bad. He started withdrawing and that scared me more. Because i do deserve a good man and a good relationship. Ive started leaning back because my overfunctioning pushed him further away and made things worse. It has been the hardest thing to do. Are there any suggestions to help me stay on this path? When the urge to call or text is so overwhelming? I know i can do it……i just dont want to go back to my old ways.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010 @ 3:53pm

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