Are You Afraid Of Being “Weak”? – And “Have It All” Class Tonight!!

tiltheadHi, This is Rori,

A male friend of mine once told me how his wife is always talking about how difficult it is for us women to find a balance between “I’m afraid of looking weak” and “I’m afraid of looking ‘bitchy,’” and I just SO identified.

And the thing is – this problem strikes us no matter WHERE we actually ARE on our own scale of “success” in life and in love.

If we have a great boyfriend, but we want MORE – to be married – we feel afraid of being a weak “doormat” and just going along with whatever he wants, or of being a demanding “bitch” who “calls him out” on his fear of commitment and tells him how we want the relationship to go.

Reminder – The first ever Have It All! Teleclass is Tonight at 5:30 PDT, 8:30 EDT…check it out here…

http://www.coachrori.com/have-it-all-teleclass-membership/

How to solve this? First I’ll share what works for me:

When I find myself getting all worked up over details, “what happened,” “who said what,” and reliving things over and over again, I notice I tend to go to extremes. It’s as though I get really sensitive when I get really SMALL.

And…most things that have happened in the past, things that we have to think about in the future, things we have to deal with right NOW…are often really SMALL.

Getting them right or wrong might help or damage my self-confidence, depending on how much importance I put on the “thing” – but in the scheme of a whole relationship, most things really are SMALL.

Even the big presentation at work, where you’re sweating and nervous, isn’t usually a “make-it or break it” situation – but THINKING it is can MAKE it HUGE.

The “big” date with a man we really like will NOT “make or break” the relationship – but the PRESSURE we put on ourselves about it actually CAN affect how we feel and how we act, and so it CAN affect how the relationship goes.

I’ll write much more about this doormat/bitch problem, but for now, do this about the SMALL stuff (no matter how big it feels to you):

The next time your man calls, or comes over to relax, or takes you out:

1. Pretend he’s the nerdy guy you barely remember from high school who was totally clueless, totally almost invisible to you, and totally not worth your time to think about. When you get that feeling into your body…

2. Get your sense of humor back – think about something you or he did that was really silly, instead of imagining him as your knight in shining armor and the man of your dreams, think of him as a furry animal that straggled into your life who needs YOU to survive…

3. Tell yourself that the situation is SMALL and then

4. Get a BIGGER picture – imagine yourself in a BRILLIANT relationship, strolling through life as easy as can be, as happy as can be, maybe while you’re saving a piece of the world at the same time? One-handed?

Love, Rori

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When You’re Under Attack From Yourself…

navigationErica says, “I was in love with a man who drove me crazy. Chased me down, got me, and then drove me crazy pulling away.”

Then Erica got physically sick with a rare autoimmune disorder.

“I was angry so much of the time. I finally told him to shove it, and I’m still sick and alone.”

Isn’t this the ultimate in attack?

I have an autoimmune disorder too, and so does my daughter and almost everybody I know.
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Vote For Yourself And Have It All!

0608262920-sidewglassessmallI’m going to use voting as a Tool to feel more powerful – so let’s look at it from the personal perspective of your entire life – not just your love life.

Let’s say that voting isn’t about politics – it’s about empowerment. It’s about believing that you count. Just you, one person, one woman.

We get so caught up in feeling like part of a “group” – where we have little influence on others, and yet the “culture” of the group infuences US.

And then we narrow that down even further, and:

*We feel a man has influence over us, but we have none over him.

*We feel an environment has control over us

*We feel a boss, a co-worker, a client, a customer, money has control over us and we’re nearly powerless before them.

Every minute, we start to feel more and more helpless – more and more like an “effect” of what happens, rather than “at cause.”

We start to feel like a vapor instead of solid.

With a manJust the fact and the feeling that we love him or desire him makes us feel weak.

And then we react to that in different ways.

We can react to feeling weakened by our desire by running away from him.

And if running away doesn’t work, because he feels actually even more inspired to chase us – then we push him away.

We push him away by closing our hearts, by treating him as if he’s an irresponsible, unworthy child who needs our guidance, and by unleashing all our stored up anger and fear on him.

Not registering to vote, and not showing up to vote for ANYTHING are the same – on a huger scale.

We feel powerless. We feel unimportant.

It’s so easy to quote statistics to PROVE we’re powerless in the world, just as we can easily quote statistics to prove there are no good men out there and that most marriages fail.

We can talk ourselves out of power.

Let’s REVERSE THIS!!!

Let’s talk ourselves INTO Power. Into believing we HAVE Power.

To feel empowered with a man:

*We have to believe in our own desires – that they are WORTHY, that they are GOOD.

*That, just because we’re a woman, we DESERVE and are entitled to HAVE our desires.

*And from there – when a man shows up who actually wants to help us have what we want in love and life – we can agree with him!

*We can RECEIVE the love he has to offer. We can TAKE what he gives. We can feel our power to influence HIS life – without even trying.

In the world, in our work – to feel empowered:

We need to feel we not only have choices, but that we can be “okay” – even “good” – no matter WHAT happens.

That we can make lemonade from lemons, paths to “happy” from garbage heaps, and get directions from inside ourselves instead of hoping they’ll show up in big letters on a wall in front of us.

We’d all like to be told: Turn left here->

And yet – we can’t ever be satisfied and happy that way. We’ll grow resentment and anger, and feel even more helpless by the minute if we’re always looking for road signs out there to follow.

So start with small things to begin believing that you make a difference in your world.

See how when you water a plant and take care of it, it grows. See how – instead of following tragedy and pain in the news, you read about and watch things that inspire you, make you feel creative, and make you want to take ACTION for yourself (I love home-decorating shows because of this).

See how when you love an animal or a child, just from the overflowing radiance of your heart, and not from a desire to GET love back, it blossoms.

See how when you give love to YOURSELF, you bloom. And see how when YOU bloom, everyone around you blooms, too.

Your man blooms, your boss blooms, your work blossoms, your connections increase. And as they bloom and increase – their feelings for YOU bloom and increase. The begin to show love to you more.

So, register in your heart, your home, your circle of friends, your surroundings at work, your desk, your building, your man’s face, your wardrobe…everything – to vote!!!! And vote for YOU!!!

Make a decision that you count, no matter what anyone has ever said to you.

I know that decision-making is a challenge for so many of us. We’re riddled with “What-ifs” and looking for a clear answer.

The truth is – there’s hardly ever a clear answer. We can’t know the outcome of anything we decide. It’s not all clean and neat like that.

What we have to do is decide anyway. We have to VOTE. And we have to learn how to feel if that vote is being cast for US – or for someone else.

For someone else’s dreams and wants and needs instead of our own.

For someone else’s momentary pleasure and a moment of a lessening of fear for us.

Voting is not about fear – it’s about POWER. It’s not about doubt – it’s about going with your gut.

It’s about “casting” your vote for YOU – Throwing it directly at the target that is yourself.

Vote for yourself ALWAYS! As if your vote would be the deciding vote – because it is..

Knowing what’s going to actually SERVE you best is how you gather the information you need to make decisions and cast your vote for yourself in all kinds of situations.

Some of these decision-making experiences involve “technical” knowledge. How to set things up. How to move things around. How to organize and number.

And ALL of these decisions rely on your feminine energy to feel organic and true for you. To feel the impulse coming from your Inner Girl, instead of from the head of your Inner Boy.

To learn how to access BOTH your Boy energy and your Girl energy so you can get your boy busy acing the technical, mechanical aspects of your life – and do that based on the intuition and instincts of your girl energy – check out my new Have It All teleclass membership program. We begin on Tuesday, March 10th at 5:30pm PDT.

Follow this link to learn more about how to Have It All:

http://www.coachrori.com/have-it-all-teleclass-membership/

There are already five “Have It All” studio recordings in the program now – you can download them instantly. They’ll kick-start your “Having It All,” and set us up for the interactive work we’ll be doing together in the live teleclass calls.

Come join me, get your “Have It All” questions answered – AND your BUSINESS questions answered, too – everything from website design and function to asking for promotions, to promoting your own, entrepreneurial business with good marketing strategy and Tools…anything.

Hear me talk live about being a Modern Siren in an EXPANDED way – as a Business Siren who “Has It All.”

Don’t give up on ANYTHING. Keep your dreams of love alive, vote for yourself, and I’ll keep giving you Tools to make it all happen.

Love, Rori

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Free New Siren Report: Have It ALL!

Have it all coverHi – This is Rori, and If you’ve ever felt yourself “holding back” from saying what you think, or moving ahead with a business venture, or stepping up in a work situation (including asking for a promotion or starting your OWN business as an Entrepreneur), you’re not only “not alone” – you’re experiencing the general “rule” for most of us women.

We’ve been SO taught that we CAN’T be “all that we can be” (no matter what the ads say) – it’s almost second nature for us to defer to others and then feel deeply frustrated that we don’t have what we want.

I mean to end that frustration for you with a new set of information, advice and Tools that will help you be a “Business Siren,” which simply means:

You CAN Have It All!

You CAN be successful in work and business and STILL get your man!

So – And I’ve got something new for you - a free report and set of free new newsletters filled with new “Have It All” and Business Siren Tools.

Here’s the link to get on the new “Business Siren – Have It All” newsletter list and instantly download your “Have It All” report:

http://www.coachrori.com/

So – What does Having It All exactly mean to YOU?

Regardless of the material things we all may want – for me, to Have It All means simply to be able to be a success in business, especially as an Entrepreneur working only for yourself, and a success in love.

It means not settling for sub-par and unfulfilling “work” OR for a sub-par, unappreciative, unfulfilling man.

Being A Business Siren gives you full access to your “boy” energy – AND full access to your “girl” energy – at the same time!

Instead of “choosing” what you need to be doing to get what you want in any given moment – you’ll be able to EXPAND BOTH of these energies, and simply “shift hats” as fluidly and as often as you like.

As a Business Siren, you’ll learn to believe in the Rori Raye concept that you CAN be a huge success in business, a money-making diva and a devoted artist happily creating what you want to create as much of the time as you like – AND – ALSO ATTRACT MEN!!!!

In fact – attract them MORE!

That with my Rori Raye Tools, you can be both tough and strong in the business world – getting things done and making hard and fast decisions – and also be soft when ever you want. You can be soft in love with a man – or in a boardroom! (where “soft in the boardroom” actually gets you WAY further than you’d imagine…)

Business Siren grew out of my Rori Raye Relationship Coach Training (RRRCT). As I train new coaches to go into business for themselves, I can feel how instinctively “hard” it is for them to commit totally to their success.

How we all are SO conditioned NOT to “take our work lives into our own hands” that everything else in our lives becomes more difficult.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years – it’s that, when we can’t get our “boy” energy fully engaged, fully operating, fully out there making us feel financially secure and content in our hours of working – we don’t have full access to our “girl” energy.

We don’t feel safe to “surrender.”

Being a Business Siren is about creating safety for your Inner Girl to just “be,” while she’s being taken care of, protected and supported by your Inner Boy.

Putting it all together is what makes a Business Siren so awesome. You already HAVE everything you need inside.

Now – all you need are the Tools and new skills of business and relationships that no one’s EVER taught you before – skills that will BRING you EVERYTHING you want.

And here’s your link to “Have It All” with my newest Tool: 10 Paths To Walking The Feminine Trail”:

http://www.coachrori.com/

To begin thinking and feeling like a Business Siren:

Remember – we ALL have to work – and work looks many different ways.

The Questions to ask are:

1. Can I get MORE for myself out of the hours I’m putting in? More satisfaction, more money, more respect, more prestige, more free time, more…anything?

2. What would I do for a living if the only consideration I had to think about was what I WANTED to do with my time and energy?

3. Am I settling for just “okay” in work, hoping I’ll make up the difference in my love life – and then not feeling satisfied there either? Am I giving up something for something else, and ending up with little of both? Am I making a trade-off somewhere that isn’t working?

4. How can I shift my view of my “obligations”? This might be: you’re a single mom. You have an ailing family member who needs your emotional and financial support. Your man has problems – medical, emotional or psychological that are draining you. Perhaps you have something holding you back from living full out?

Ask yourself these questions, and more that come up once you’ve answered these.

What the Business Siren element of the work we’re doing together is aiming for – is to expand ourselves.

The truth is - we have to go bigger out in the world if we want more love. By making ourselves feel smaller – we not only DON’T get the man we want – we feel less secure inside ourselves, and less happy with what we DO have going.

Be sure to let me know how the whole Business Siren concept “lands” with you – and how the “Have It ALL” report works for you.

I would LOVE to know what your experiences have been with the challenges of how work and a man can pull us in different directions…it will help me give you more of what you need.

Love, Rori

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When To Run

stopThe Question:

Dear Rori,my name is Connie. I am 32yrs old and I am dating a 53yrs old man who is separated from his wife of 20yrs. They have two children. A boy and a girl of 20 and 17 yes respectively. We live in different countries.

Things were fine,he came to visit me and it’s been great. Some few days ago, he went to court with his ex-wife on a motion he filed. Since that day,his attitude has changed completely.

He calls me only if he wants to talk. And he makes the conversation so short. Whenever I call he will give an excuse and say he’ll call me back but never will. When I send him a text, he takes a very long time to reply. I have decided to let him be but I am hurting.

I am exclusive with him,he’s like my best friend we used to talk 24/7 so these few days is taking a toll on me. I have taken days off from work because of this.

Rori,please advice me. Do you think, this is a relationship worth waiting for? He says the trial for the divorce is in May. Does that mean that anytime he’s not happy, I must be forgotten? I am very worried and sad. I am planning to start a family as soon as possible. I am 32 and feel I should give birth. Please help me as early as possible. Thanks, Connie.

My Answer:

Run, Connie! Get away from this man as quickly as possible and begin Circular Dating eligible men who want family and children as you do.

Yes, short. Not sweet.

Why should she not even give this man a chance?

How about if she just stepped back, became non-exclusive, dated other men, and responded to him when he called or visited?

Because he clearly does not care!!!!

If he cared about Connie, and for her, he would be calling her.

He’d be trying to visit. He’d be Skyping.

Even “leaning” on her during this “tough time” would be “something.”

I say – “Goodbye…” and “Next.”

Connie, please let us know how you’re doing.

Get on online dating sites, start getting social, and you’ll quickly find a man who wants what you want.

Do not give a man who doesn’t want what you want – NOW, not “later” – the time of day.

Love, Rori

 

 

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Who’s Running Your Life From The Inside?

10-6 love yourselfI want you to start noticing how you’re running your life.

Are you running your life always trying to make something happen – or are you running your life just leaning back and letting other people do stuff for you?

Are you waiting for someone to get you?

Is your boy energy not in use?

Are you making excuses? Is your boy making excuses?

Then I want you to look and see what is your boy doing or not doing that is showing up in the men you’re seeing out there…

Whatever is going on with your boy energy inside you, that is what’s showing up outside in the men
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Love Forever Live Teleclass Today at 11am PST!

tiltheadIn just a few hours – get your personal questions answered by me, live, in the newest Love Forever teleseminar!

***If you have a personal relationship question or situation you’d like me to address, just sign up for “Love Forever” anytime before the class TODAY, Wednesday, February 11th, 11am PST/2pm EST/7pm Europe - and you’ll get instant access to the Love Forever program (over 26 hours of recorded classes), and you can write to me today during the class from the Love Forever Teleclass webpage. I’ll answer you right then and there!

http://www.coachrori.com/love-forever-program/

(Love Forever is a personal, interactive program, where I work with you on deeper levels of using the Tools you may already have from my programs, and give you completely NEW ones.)

In addition to answering your personal questions, I’ll be talking about how to TALK to a man, how to UNWIND any patterns that have developed between you and a man you’re with (or seem to always come up with men you date) – and I’ll have a special guest, Coach Valarie O’Ryan, to help you and me specifically with Valentine’s Day gift-giving questions!

Love, Rori

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Put Your Love Life Back Together – Love Forever Teleclass On Wednesday, February 11th – In Time For Valentine’s Day!

0608263003-copyJoin me on the newest Love Forever LIVE teleclass on February 11th at 11am PST, 2pm EST (just in time for Valentine’s Day!) – and get your unique, personal questions answered by me, live by phone or webcast.

(PLUS – Coach Valarie O’Ryan will answer your questions about Valentine’s gift-giving, always a real dilemma for me…) –

Go here to find out how to get on the class–>>

http://www.CoachRori.com/Love-Forever-program/

Here’s a letter from Helene, who’s been devastated by her husband’s behavior:

The Question:

“Dear Rori, My husband of twelve years wants to end our marriage.

We bought two acres together and built our dream house on it. It took two and half years of labor, and basically living our lives apart except for weekends. We agreed to live this way because it was necessary for him to stay at his present place of employment in order to help finance the project, while I stayed on the land with our
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Repairing Your Trust In Love

030-220The Question:

Carol says, “Rori, How can I repair myself to trust and try again? I’m in my mid 50’s. I’ve been widowed for 16 years and I’ve only tried one relationship and it ended on his part with no warning and I feel shocked and I’m analyzing?”

My Answer:

Why are we so surprised when a relationship ends?

Why are we invested in a man to the point where he makes a decision, we’re going to be devastated?


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Miranda Kerr Talks About Circular Dating

targetingI was just sent this article from Harper’s – an interview with the lovely model, singer, organic cosmetic line mogul, and self-help author Miranda Kerr:

http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a5460/miranda-kerr-interview-0215/

In it – Miranda sounds like me! She (or the interviewer from Harper’s) uses the term “circular dating” this way:

“Kerr cites the concept of circular dating: seeing a few men at a time and keeping all options open until you’re sure a man is worth it. The idea is about saving ladies from investing in unsuitable men. ”

Here’s more:

“Men don’t want to be disrespected, and women feel the best when they feel cherished,” she says. “So if a woman is feeling cherished, she will respect a man, and if a man’s feeling respected, he will cherish a woman. It doesn’t need to be complicated.” She continues: “You know, for a long time I had it the wrong way. I was constantly doing, doing. Giving, giving for my partner. But what works is not feeling like you have to be everything to everyone.”

And more:

“Miranda Kerr thinks it’s fine for a woman to date multiple men as long as they don’t sleep with any of them.

“The 31-year-old star – who split from Orlando Bloom in 2013 after three years of marriage – advises against having sex on a first date because she thinks it’s better to go out with a number of potential suitors to keep your options open.

“To the issues: How to prepare for a date? “What really works is to spend 15 minutes and focus on feelings and moments that have made you feel really good. Remember those moments so you can build up a positive force field around you.”

“Next, should a girl ever call a guy? “I don’t believe in that. I believe in the man chasing the girl, but that’s just me personally.” Texting? “I think a woman should respond but not reach out.”

“Which brings us to the timeless question of sex on the first date. Out comes the notepad. “My philosophy is that until you get to know them it’s better not to, because energetically as a woman you get attached. So you’re better off to go on a few dates and see if you want to get attached or not.”

From Rori: I think this is just a great article, and that Miranda Kerr is awesome. I’ve commented there to thank Harper’s for mentioning the term, and inviting them to the blog to check out more about “Circular Dating,” how it’s not really about “dating” at all (it’s more Free Therapy), and how you amazing Sirens are all using it…

If you have anything to say there as well – please feel free to comment! I feel very proud that Circular Dating was “coined” here on the blog (a google search confirms it!), intensely laid out in “Targeting Mr. Right,”  and that more women are now doing it.

Love, Rori

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