Have The Relationship You Want

I found someone wonderful to help me with your profiles and pictures for online dating – I think it’s the single most serious, and yet easy-to-fix problem most women have in getting good responses from men online…if you want me to look at your pix and profiles on match.com (or anywhere else), let me know – email my assistant Melanie@CoachRori.com, then I’ll look at what you have up, see if I think I can help, and work with my new “profile” assistant to get you set up better. I’ll have her email back and forth with you and quote a price (she’s EXTREMELY reasonable). I’ll stay in touch with the process and make sure I like it before it gets to you…so you don’t have to worry about me now okaying it…(she’s great at getting the Feeling language in there in a lovely way…)

You’ll know she’s amazing when you read this – I asked her for detailed instructions on how to use OKCupid.com:

Let’s start in the beginning. You want to try online dating, but how to get started?

There are tons of different sites out there, but how can you choose which one to try? OkCupid is the best online dating site to try first because: It’s free and More…

Sex is such an important thing – not because it’s so crucial to be having sex for sex’s sake (though it makes us healthier in so many ways…) but because it’s such a serious barometer for the health and intimacy level of a relationship.

It says so much about the physical and emotional status of each of you.

It demonstrates hormones – testosterone and estrogen.

And hormones say a lot about who you are in so many ways.

Here’s a letter that’s a good jump off about sex in a relationship:

“Rori, I went through the same situation with my husband and it was indeed a big red flag when a man rarely initiated sex. And my husband for the longest time trivialized the issue as if I made sex such a big deal over everything else. He was (and sometimes is) still in denial how important sex is in a marriage.

Long story short, we broke up because I was so unfulfilled and resentful so I strayed (let’s just put it that way at this point). More…

This is from Linda Landon – a most wonderful life coach who is featured in this month’s Interview With a Relationship Expert, my CD interview series.  Linda is an amazing woman, with a totally compelling personal story, a huge client success rate, and she’s worked alongside powerful, celebrated, transformative teachers like Miguel Ruiz.

Her interview is like a guidebook for how to be happy and create the kind of relationship we dream about. Her new book is called “The Power of Pause” – and so she’s giving us a piece of what that’s all about and real tips on how to do it:

Recently someone asked me to name one of the most valuable tools I offer my clients. I took a breath and waited for an answer. In that moment, without thinking, I became the answer. I replied “I teach the power of the pause.”

People choose coaching to help them address a myriad of personal and professional issues, such as overwhelm, stress, challenging relationships, lack of focus, procrastination, and overall life balance. Together we often discover that underlying these presenting issues is a deep desire for authenticity: “I just want to be myself.” And …“If I were myself, I would feel free, purposeful, and happy.”

Coaching can then become a wonderful kind of excavation. Using a process called DreamShifting, we dig down through layers of unconscious beliefs, habits, More…

Here’s something we all do because we’re afraid to be “negative” around a man. Lynn wrote that it’s a challenge for her to allow herself to feel and express her feelings:

“…because these feelings come up sometimes when I am not in a situation that makes it easy to deal with, such as looking after all my kids. My kids pick up on it and that makes for a bad mood at times. It helps though to dig it up and get with it, get it out there and dealt with. I find that it makes me stronger and healthier the next time things feel this way. The fear gets smaller, the triggers get weaker, until I can be in that area of my feelings and not get all intense and anxious. Lynn”

Here’s my reply:

Lynn, I’m so happy you brought this up.

Don’t stuff your feelings so that your kids have to “pick up on them.”

What you want to show them is how to be IN TOUCH with feelings – that’s how to help your kids in this world.

This means you say – straight out – “Oh, kids, I’m feeling a bit blue today…just a bunch of things, but seeing your lovely faces makes me smile, and I don’t want to pretend I don’t feel blue – because I want you to feel okay feeling blue, too, if you ever do…hey – anyone want to join me in painting a blue picture?”

…In other words…a bad “mood” is what happens when you don’t feel you have the right to feel what you feel.

Just go there, and then go somewhere else!

Love, Rori