Comments on: Porn And Your Relationship http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Fri, 03 Sep 2010 00:16:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=2602 By: tinque http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-57329 tinque Wed, 01 Sep 2010 15:28:11 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-57329 Yes dorothea, yes. As long as you as a woman are not being neglected, then this is a habit or maybe just a pastime. It is NOT a reflection on you at all. If ever you were taking second place to the porn, then yes this would be a problem, otherwise, it's just something most men and many women do. xxoo Yes dorothea, yes. As long as you as a woman are not being neglected, then this is a habit or maybe just a pastime. It is NOT a reflection on you at all.
If ever you were taking second place to the porn, then yes this would be a problem, otherwise, it’s just something most men and many women do.
xxoo

]]> By: dorothea http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-57324 dorothea Wed, 01 Sep 2010 15:03:32 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-57324 Since this thread popped up in recent comments, I thought I would chime in with my 2 cents about porn. Once I accidentally found pictures on my man's harddrive of him with other women. 2 of them. at once. I guess I would have saved those photos too. haha. it made me feel f*cking awful because i recognized one of the women in the photos...she made my coffee every morning at the bakery. oh lordy He and I talked it through and I am now over it. For real. It wasn't at all easy and it nearly ended our relationship. But now I am not feeling triggered talking about it. Mostly amused. A couple of weeks ago I saw some porn site pop up in the address bar of my man's computer when we were typing something in. I felt curious and insecure so I did some investigating into the site. The girls were not like me at all. I felt awful again. Like, I am not what he wants...so he looks at these girls instead. Wrong. I never brought it up to him, and I talked to my girl about it and she was like "all this indicates is that he has good taste in porn." She is right. The fact that he watches porn does not mean that I am not good enough. Now here's the thing...I watch porn too. Maybe even more than he does. Maybe just as much. We haven't really talked much about it. But I probably hide my porn fetish as much as he hides his. But the fact that I watch porn does not mean that he is not good enough. I'm not sure I would feel comfortable sharing this fetish with him as part of our sex life. I don't think our sex life needs anything else to enhance it anyway. Maybe when we live together we will find some lovely way to enjoy it together. Possibilities are, of course, endless. I feel a twinge of insecurity when I see evidence of his porn or masturbation, but I think I probably watch porn and masturbate as much or more than he does. So this is one battle I will not pick. Afterall, I might not be a "young teen" petite and hairless, but he chooses me with zeal. He gets aroused just being around me, and loves me dearly. What more could I ask for to feel sexy? He chooses me. My ex, on the other hand, was into porn in a way that hurt our relationship. He was losing interest in me sexually, and talked frequently about getting me to start a porn site of my own. He wanted us to watch it together. I was not cool with this. I felt pressured and not good enough. Since this thread popped up in recent comments, I thought I would chime in with my 2 cents about porn.

Once I accidentally found pictures on my man’s harddrive of him with other women. 2 of them. at once. I guess I would have saved those photos too. haha. it made me feel f*cking awful because i recognized one of the women in the photos…she made my coffee every morning at the bakery. oh lordy

He and I talked it through and I am now over it. For real. It wasn’t at all easy and it nearly ended our relationship. But now I am not feeling triggered talking about it. Mostly amused.

A couple of weeks ago I saw some porn site pop up in the address bar of my man’s computer when we were typing something in. I felt curious and insecure so I did some investigating into the site. The girls were not like me at all. I felt awful again. Like, I am not what he wants…so he looks at these girls instead.

Wrong.

I never brought it up to him, and I talked to my girl about it and she was like “all this indicates is that he has good taste in porn.” She is right. The fact that he watches porn does not mean that I am not good enough.

Now here’s the thing…I watch porn too. Maybe even more than he does. Maybe just as much. We haven’t really talked much about it. But I probably hide my porn fetish as much as he hides his. But the fact that I watch porn does not mean that he is not good enough.

I’m not sure I would feel comfortable sharing this fetish with him as part of our sex life. I don’t think our sex life needs anything else to enhance it anyway. Maybe when we live together we will find some lovely way to enjoy it together. Possibilities are, of course, endless.

I feel a twinge of insecurity when I see evidence of his porn or masturbation, but I think I probably watch porn and masturbate as much or more than he does. So this is one battle I will not pick.

Afterall, I might not be a “young teen” petite and hairless, but he chooses me with zeal. He gets aroused just being around me, and loves me dearly. What more could I ask for to feel sexy? He chooses me.

My ex, on the other hand, was into porn in a way that hurt our relationship. He was losing interest in me sexually, and talked frequently about getting me to start a porn site of my own. He wanted us to watch it together. I was not cool with this. I felt pressured and not good enough.

]]> By: tinque http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-57317 tinque Wed, 01 Sep 2010 14:27:04 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-57317 Ocean - Though I understand perfectly what you are saying here, and in many cases this is all true, not all porn is degrading for either the men or the women. There is some that is sensuous and erotic. I agree that the vast bulk of it is for want of a better word, gross, but not all, and it can be a fun and nice thing to share. I also want to empathize with your man's addiction. Like any addiction, it's rough, a hard road. Watching porn is not synonymous with addiction though. You or anyone can look at it even as much as on a daily basis and still not have an addiction. I understand your choice not to have it around you at all, but you may be hard pressed to find a man who does not like to look from time to time. I hope you can find one. xxoo Ocean – Though I understand perfectly what you are saying here, and in many cases this is all true, not all porn is degrading for either the men or the women. There is some that is sensuous and erotic. I agree that the vast bulk of it is for want of a better word, gross, but not all, and it can be a fun and nice thing to share.
I also want to empathize with your man’s addiction. Like any addiction, it’s rough, a hard road.
Watching porn is not synonymous with addiction though. You or anyone can look at it even as much as on a daily basis and still not have an addiction.
I understand your choice not to have it around you at all, but you may be hard pressed to find a man who does not like to look from time to time.
I hope you can find one.
xxoo

]]> By: ocean http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-57313 ocean Wed, 01 Sep 2010 12:34:00 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-57313 I was sort of on the fence about porn, or rather, just hadn't given it much thought at all until this year when the man I was sleeping with revealed his porn addiction to me (I'm one of those people who just never knew it was so prevalent until recently). It was a call for help, and he chose to tell me partly because I've gone through a serious addiction myself and am now sober 4 years. He is literally desperate to quit, and says it's ruined his life, health, and self-esteem. He is suicidal over it because no matter how he tries, he hasn't been able to quit. Anyway, since then I've done some investigating into porn addiction, as well as the social issues it calls up. I've been helping him to understand the nature of addictions and he has kept me posted about his journey. It's very very tough, no easier than an alcohol or heroin addiction. But other than the addiction issues I've also, in the process, come across a lot of information about porn, different view points, and found what I consider to be the truth about porn on a feminist blog by a hilarious and incredibly bright writer. This experience has let me come into my own truth about my feelings toward porn and porn use. This woman put my heart into words. I'm not going to summarize it here but if you're interested check out her porn series - http://rageagainstthemanchine.com/2008/04/12/why-porn-isnt-cool-part-1/ To say the least it's incredibly enlightening, and has brought me to a place of peace about it terms of defining my own views. I won't tolerate porn in my relationship, or home. I stand against it because it hurts people - men, women, and children. The porn of today is not pretty, or sexy, or a turn on to me at all. It's repulsive, and ironically has little to do with sex. I'm more interested in exploring sexuality differently, and without degradation or dehumanization of women. Every part of me finds that offensive: mind, body, heart and soul. Sex is the most beautiful, most amazing thing in the world to me, but I see none of that reflected in contemporary porn. I understand that some women may feel fine having it in their relationships, and I may have been too at one time, but after I educated myself about the realities, I was like, no way. This is a huge issue we all face these days, for ourselves and our children, I think it's really important that we all be aware of the implications of porn before we allow it into our homes. I'm not one to tell anyone else what to do, I just feel it's so vital that we be informed, before deciding whether or not we choose be a party to it. I was sort of on the fence about porn, or rather, just hadn’t given it much thought at all until this year when the man I was sleeping with revealed his porn addiction to me (I’m one of those people who just never knew it was so prevalent until recently). It was a call for help, and he chose to tell me partly because I’ve gone through a serious addiction myself and am now sober 4 years. He is literally desperate to quit, and says it’s ruined his life, health, and self-esteem. He is suicidal over it because no matter how he tries, he hasn’t been able to quit.

Anyway, since then I’ve done some investigating into porn addiction, as well as the social issues it calls up. I’ve been helping him to understand the nature of addictions and he has kept me posted about his journey. It’s very very tough, no easier than an alcohol or heroin addiction. But other than the addiction issues I’ve also, in the process, come across a lot of information about porn, different view points, and found what I consider to be the truth about porn on a feminist blog by a hilarious and incredibly bright writer. This experience has let me come into my own truth about my feelings toward porn and porn use. This woman put my heart into words. I’m not going to summarize it here but if you’re interested check out her porn series – http://rageagainstthemanchine.com/2008/04/12/why-porn-isnt-cool-part-1/

To say the least it’s incredibly enlightening, and has brought me to a place of peace about it terms of defining my own views. I won’t tolerate porn in my relationship, or home. I stand against it because it hurts people – men, women, and children. The porn of today is not pretty, or sexy, or a turn on to me at all. It’s repulsive, and ironically has little to do with sex. I’m more interested in exploring sexuality differently, and without degradation or dehumanization of women. Every part of me finds that offensive: mind, body, heart and soul. Sex is the most beautiful, most amazing thing in the world to me, but I see none of that reflected in contemporary porn.

I understand that some women may feel fine having it in their relationships, and I may have been too at one time, but after I educated myself about the realities, I was like, no way. This is a huge issue we all face these days, for ourselves and our children, I think it’s really important that we all be aware of the implications of porn before we allow it into our homes. I’m not one to tell anyone else what to do, I just feel it’s so vital that we be informed, before deciding whether or not we choose be a party to it.

]]> By: Odette http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-54049 Odette Thu, 19 Aug 2010 10:45:14 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-54049 Hi.I will be 45 in dec. met my 1st bf@14was with him for 30yrs. Moved in @24yr. Had two boys 8-11yr. He is a heavy drinker. Sex was awesome when I was younger but then as the years went by he never wanted kids. So I now @34yrs held that against him. so then he said kids or marraige ...I chose kids thinking the marrage would come later. Never did. I my whole teen to adult never liked porn. I was livid when he would go to strip clubs. I couldn't even make love in the light and never made a peep. I always gave him oral but felt very uncomfortable with him performing oral on me. He really wasnt' good at it anyway. also the sex wasn't good. I hated to have sex in the evening due to his drinking , it turned me off the smell the slurring. Going to bed i dreaded cuz he would sometimes get into these coughing fits. So we would have sex mabe once a week. Well I finally approached him in aug.2008 told him i didnt' like it anymore and lost respect for him and didn't like the kids to see him slurring, walking funny and sometimes falling over. Well he was getting very upset with me, telling me to shut up, each time i kept on he would say it agian and again until he lost it and swore shut the f*** up . So I did for 3 months..Ifeel very bad but I then took it upon myself swearing I was going to experience another man before I went to my grave with only being with him, not having a happy life anymore. so I slept with someone.then A very good friend who i had known his brother and mother since14 as a matter of fact I went on a date with his brother then met my man of 30yrs. so the younger brother chris always fixed my , our vehicles and either he would come here or I would go there . I would help him with getting tools and then getting him food or drink while working. We became such good friends that we would talk about our spouses because they were both drinkers and we werent. He then split with his girl. I was still with my man. He then hooks up with someone else , but would always call me during the day and talk for hours. I had an encounter with a phsyco women who was vandalizing my car and chris came to fix it. So as a token of my appreciation I told my man that I would like to pay him with taking him to a greek resturant. He said sure. So I went to chris' house and he was wanting to show me his c.d player and when i looked at it, it had porn on it. Well I covered my eyes, said Idon't care for that. So then he gets changed, calls me in his room, asking if what he was wearing was okay I said yes so then he now asks me to sit on his bed that he made , so I did then tried to get me to lay down , I didn't .... so went for dinner and he drove and I think I was starting to like him in a different way. but still not really realising it. well anyways he brought his new woman and had a baby over , I really disliked her and couldn't believe he was with someone like her. She right off the bat didnt' like me cuz he took the baby out of her arms and into mine. This is now Sept 2009. didn't see him again until nov because they had the baby taken away she was a drug abuser. So he came over and told me he was in an accident and that his sister has his daughter. i then told him about my problems and how it just isn't better anymore, I love him but not in love with him. Well we became email friends and I confided in him about me not wanting to go to my grave experiencing one man. The man i thought was mr. right. Well chris had said i better be careful alot of crazies out there , he would gladly help me out. I laughed and said ya i bet u would. Then he started to tell me how he had always really like me alot all the way back to 1999. I had seen him now in a different light . It felt good to hear him talk tome like that. I told him ya right , i was heavy set back then. he said he didnt' care it was my beautiful eyes.. then he said why do u think I always called u and we would talk for hours, I said i wondered why when my bf was always @ work. He said cuz he loved talking with me and loved the fact the when he worked on my car I was the only person that would ever stay outside and chat with him and help him.Well to make a long story short and sorry about it. but I finally went to his house so scared like it was my first time. I also have crohn's disease so I am very self concious about my body, also never having another man see me naked. Also my bf was 5'8 very very thin. didn't like it at all. Chris is 5'9 190lbs. so when i got to his house he was waiting in a tux I sat in a chair and couldn't stop giggling all the time. till he finally kissed me . I hadn't kissed since I can't even remember. then he swept me off my feet and took me upstairs to his bed. well when he took his clothes off I freaked because he was so hairy I was so scared and being heavy as well. Well he went down on me orally and with his magic fingers made me scream like i never have and have an orgasm . that was another problem of mine not being able to orgasm. So then I gave him oral and he loved it so much that he came in my mouth and I had never swallowed with my bf not even once. He told me that it was unbeleivable and that he had never been able to orgasm in a womans mouth. so needless to say we had always gotten together for absolutely great sex anywhere and every where. I have now fallen in love with him its now march. well my bf finally talked and said we need to work things out or we have to call it quits. He said Ihad till the end of march. well i now really didn't want him anymore. i was never good enough tomarry as well as even after I had my first son he didn't have me as a benificiary, i had to get mad then he finally changed it. so now he forgot about the ultimatum . I kept on loving every minute with chris till august 5th 2009 and hecalled my phone at 2am saying to put him on the phone I denied it and then the next morning I told him I can't do this anymore and can't handle your drinking. so Aug 9 he moved out. I am now with Chris. Well now that i am with him i have grown to love porn as well as letting him film us and sex all the time was great. then he kinda started to not touch me too much while making love.then not having it every day but still quite a bit. well then xams comes along and boxing day i need to find a screw driver and he went to pick up his older son 19yrs. I by accident bumped his computer table, what do I see but his yahoo. email opened and alot of girls addresses on the yahoo messenger. so I looked and my heart broke....he was talking dirty saying what he wanted to do to them with his tongue . then telling a husband ya I'll come f**** your wife for u to watch. Well Istarted to cry I called him and he said that it wasn't him and he was trying to get down to the bottom of things. Well i was so destrought for days and then the day before new years i was on thecomputer with him and hesaid hewas goingto have a bath and then he left and I was still on the computer then all of a sudden he comes on line. well i now had made up a fakename and addresss got him to invite me on face book and he talkd about me andhow he loved me so much but how this happened and I don't believe him. So anyways i start to chat with him and get dirty and he his surprised so after about 10min I showed myself online and he gets off line right away.so then the phone rings and he says did u eat. cuz i was so upset earlier. isaid i know you were on line, he said no. i've been in the bath and made the noise with the water anyways I said no you were and you were flirting with candice which is me....He said no I haven't well go check your computer messenger. so he didand then all of a sudden when he said he turned it on he wasstillchatting with someone but it wsnt' him His voice was so shocked about seeing that that I now startedto believe him . Well new years isbetter but now I am finding my self not trusting him and wanting to check his phone. and thenJan his hotmail. messenger was on put not online and the password was on there and so Iwas up in hisroom and lookedand low and behold there is a chat with a young girl wanting to hook up with her and had a red van but not his. ya mine. so he keeps denying itand says its nothim.someone has hacked his email. So I ask him to come on with me and look at his emails with me. he wouldn't because said he would do it on his own time and when he wanted to.so months go by and he is working @ his uncles cleanning and was not seeing me very much and itwould be late andthen for an hour then leave. so one day I waited all day and when I called him at5pm his phone was off.so now I'm mad and leave and goshopping then his friend who has been comong onto me called me and said come over..so I did well he talked me into getting into thehot tub. he touched me abit but then I got out .Hefound out by gpsing my phone which led him to his friends address. well he now had disappeard over night. Ilocated him the next day he was still angry with me. andwanted to keep talking about it Iwan't sex.so hegavein and then went home so after that the next day he was @ his uncles again and then disappeard for3 weeks. no call no text. nothing I was a wreck crying all the time staying in bed. then He texted me at work said he was tired of travling and misses me and was going to come over sunday morn @2am. so I had a shower and dressed up for him and waited nothing... hefinally come home on the following weekend. He saidhewas very hurt that Idid that I said I didn't do anything and got out not even10min later feeling uncomfortable. Well I then said you didn't see me take off on you with the emails. I would say that is worse but he didn't cuz itwasn't in person..Isaid doesn'tmatter thatis cyber sex and dtalking like that with women isjust as bad ifnot worse. he said they aren't me .I said some of the words do sound like u. Your never gonna believeme ...so anyways Ifinally got the girls email and also phone num. and called her and confronted her and shesaid shedid meet up with someone in a van but he was very scarey . so she described him and itwas his friend who is very good with computers and he admitted it was with him. fine but what about the others and then again in may of 2010 I got ahold of his phone and there is a textmessage saying he ison his way back passingthrough Miranda and if she wanted to suck the purple monster. Again he says its not him. cuz the phone is actually his friends which the name still comes up. Now my problem is I'm consumed with spying on him . I did long time ago when got into his email. forwarded the girls that was chatting with and even craiglists that he answered. well hestill denies it. and I'm still diggingandsending these girls emails saying Im his sister and he is missing.well nothhing since april has been on his computer he showed meone day. butbecause some of those were dont when i was with him I just want him to come clean and then Ican move on cuz i can't leave him i love him too much and right now he isin jail forsomething hedidn'tdo cuz i was with him. and I keep bringing itup andhe swears I'mthe girl of his dreams dreams helied aobut one girl that I called at her work andshe said that he did spendthernightbutwas a perfect gentlman and they were just friends. I confronted him about her and said Iknow u didn't doanythig cuz she really is n't very pretty. but now the other ones admit it. he say they are not him. well I have always had a problem with negativity and self concous about myslelf . He wants me and the boys to live with him and he also said he want s me to have his baby and even marry me. Ilove himsomuch but when hegets out I'm going to have tohave a long talk aboutchat sites. I'm okay with porn cuz he got me used to it and we use it to get ideas. But thiscyber sex really pisses me off. I havebeen gettingyour rori ray onlineforsome timebut can'tafford to get the c.d.s or book. I'm always broke now. so can u help me deal with this. I got through toanothe girl and said the same i'm his sister...well she said shemet him online and exchanged some emails. so I tried toget her tosend them to me. well she said why and that itseems too weird more like sounding likea upset wife or girlfriend whoi has caught her man wanting to make out. I just hate what I've become sneaking around and stealing his phone . one night i snuck outof bed and went on his computer and then later he woke up and started to yell for me and told me to stop it. How do I go backto the happiest woman alive again and stop the snooping....thankyou for being patient with my story.... queenshabing Hi.I will be 45 in dec. met my 1st bf@14was with him for 30yrs. Moved in @24yr. Had two boys 8-11yr. He is a heavy drinker. Sex was awesome when I was younger but then as the years went by he never wanted kids. So I now @34yrs held that against him. so then he said kids or marraige …I chose kids thinking the marrage would come later. Never did. I my whole teen to adult never liked porn. I was livid when he would go to strip clubs. I couldn’t even make love in the light and never made a peep. I always gave him oral but felt very uncomfortable with him performing oral on me. He really wasnt’ good at it anyway. also the sex wasn’t good. I hated to have sex in the evening due to his drinking , it turned me off the smell the slurring. Going to bed i dreaded cuz he would sometimes get into these coughing fits. So we would have sex mabe once a week. Well I finally approached him in aug.2008 told him i didnt’ like it anymore and lost respect for him and didn’t like the kids to see him slurring, walking funny and sometimes falling over. Well he was getting very upset with me, telling me to shut up, each time i kept on he would say it agian and again until he lost it and swore shut the f*** up . So I did for 3 months..Ifeel very bad but I then took it upon myself swearing I was going to experience another man before I went to my grave with only being with him, not having a happy life anymore. so I slept with someone.then A very good friend who i had known his brother and mother since14 as a matter of fact I went on a date with his brother then met my man of 30yrs. so the younger brother chris always fixed my , our vehicles and either he would come here or I would go there . I would help him with getting tools and then getting him food or drink while working. We became such good friends that we would talk about our spouses because they were both drinkers and we werent. He then split with his girl. I was still with my man. He then hooks up with someone else , but would always call me during the day and talk for hours. I had an encounter with a phsyco women who was vandalizing my car and chris came to fix it. So as a token of my appreciation I told my man that I would like to pay him with taking him to a greek resturant. He said sure. So I went to chris’ house and he was wanting to show me his c.d player and when i looked at it, it had porn on it. Well I covered my eyes, said Idon’t care for that. So then he gets changed, calls me in his room, asking if what he was wearing was okay I said yes so then he now asks me to sit on his bed that he made , so I did then tried to get me to lay down , I didn’t …. so went for dinner and he drove and I think I was starting to like him in a different way. but still not really realising it. well anyways he brought his new woman and had a baby over , I really disliked her and couldn’t believe he was with someone like her. She right off the bat didnt’ like me cuz he took the baby out of her arms and into mine. This is now Sept 2009. didn’t see him again until nov because they had the baby taken away she was a drug abuser. So he came over and told me he was in an accident and that his sister has his daughter. i then told him about my problems and how it just isn’t better anymore, I love him but not in love with him. Well we became email friends and I confided in him about me not wanting to go to my grave experiencing one man. The man i thought was mr. right. Well chris had said i better be careful alot of crazies out there , he would gladly help me out. I laughed and said ya i bet u would. Then he started to tell me how he had always really like me alot all the way back to 1999. I had seen him now in a different light . It felt good to hear him talk tome like that. I told him ya right , i was heavy set back then. he said he didnt’ care it was my beautiful eyes.. then he said why do u think I always called u and we would talk for hours, I said i wondered why when my bf was always @ work. He said cuz he loved talking with me and loved the fact the when he worked on my car I was the only person that would ever stay outside and chat with him and help him.Well to make a long story short and sorry about it. but I finally went to his house so scared like it was my first time. I also have crohn’s disease so I am very self concious about my body, also never having another man see me naked. Also my bf was 5’8 very very thin. didn’t like it at all. Chris is 5’9 190lbs. so when i got to his house he was waiting in a tux I sat in a chair and couldn’t stop giggling all the time. till he finally kissed me . I hadn’t kissed since I can’t even remember. then he swept me off my feet and took me upstairs to his bed. well when he took his clothes off I freaked because he was so hairy I was so scared and being heavy as well. Well he went down on me orally and with his magic fingers made me scream like i never have and have an orgasm . that was another problem of mine not being able to orgasm. So then I gave him oral and he loved it so much that he came in my mouth and I had never swallowed with my bf not even once. He told me that it was unbeleivable and that he had never been able to orgasm in a womans mouth. so needless to say we had always gotten together for absolutely great sex anywhere and every where. I have now fallen in love with him its now march. well my bf finally talked and said we need to work things out or we have to call it quits. He said Ihad till the end of march. well i now really didn’t want him anymore. i was never good enough tomarry as well as even after I had my first son he didn’t have me as a benificiary, i had to get mad then he finally changed it. so now he forgot about the ultimatum . I kept on loving every minute with chris till august 5th 2009 and hecalled my phone at 2am saying to put him on the phone I denied it and then the next morning I told him I can’t do this anymore and can’t handle your drinking. so Aug 9 he moved out. I am now with Chris. Well now that i am with him i have grown to love porn as well as letting him film us and sex all the time was great. then he kinda started to not touch me too much while making love.then not having it every day but still quite a bit. well then xams comes along and boxing day i need to find a screw driver and he went to pick up his older son 19yrs. I by accident bumped his computer table, what do I see but his yahoo. email opened and alot of girls addresses on the yahoo messenger. so I looked and my heart broke….he was talking dirty saying what he wanted to do to them with his tongue . then telling a husband ya I’ll come f**** your wife for u to watch. Well Istarted to cry I called him and he said that it wasn’t him and he was trying to get down to the bottom of things. Well i was so destrought for days and then the day before new years i was on thecomputer with him and hesaid hewas goingto have a bath and then he left and I was still on the computer then all of a sudden he comes on line. well i now had made up a fakename and addresss got him to invite me on face book and he talkd about me andhow he loved me so much but how this happened and I don’t believe him. So anyways i start to chat with him and get dirty and he his surprised so after about 10min I showed myself online and he gets off line right away.so then the phone rings and he says did u eat. cuz i was so upset earlier. isaid i know you were on line, he said no. i’ve been in the bath and made the noise with the water anyways I said no you were and you were flirting with candice which is me….He said no I haven’t well go check your computer messenger. so he didand then all of a sudden when he said he turned it on he wasstillchatting with someone but it wsnt’ him His voice was so shocked about seeing that that I now startedto believe him . Well new years isbetter but now I am finding my self not trusting him and wanting to check his phone. and thenJan his hotmail. messenger was on put not online and the password was on there and so Iwas up in hisroom and lookedand low and behold there is a chat with a young girl wanting to hook up with her and had a red van but not his. ya mine. so he keeps denying itand says its nothim.someone has hacked his email. So I ask him to come on with me and look at his emails with me. he wouldn’t because said he would do it on his own time and when he wanted to.so months go by and he is working @ his uncles cleanning and was not seeing me very much and itwould be late andthen for an hour then leave. so one day I waited all day and when I called him at5pm his phone was off.so now I’m mad and leave and goshopping then his friend who has been comong onto me called me and said come over..so I did well he talked me into getting into thehot tub. he touched me abit but then I got out .Hefound out by gpsing my phone which led him to his friends address. well he now had disappeard over night. Ilocated him the next day he was still angry with me. andwanted to keep talking about it Iwan’t sex.so hegavein and then went home so after that the next day he was @ his uncles again and then disappeard for3 weeks. no call no text. nothing I was a wreck crying all the time staying in bed. then He texted me at work said he was tired of travling and misses me and was going to come over sunday morn @2am. so I had a shower and dressed up for him and waited nothing… hefinally come home on the following weekend. He saidhewas very hurt that Idid that I said I didn’t do anything and got out not even10min later feeling uncomfortable. Well I then said you didn’t see me take off on you with the emails. I would say that is worse but he didn’t cuz itwasn’t in person..Isaid doesn’tmatter thatis cyber sex and dtalking like that with women isjust as bad ifnot worse. he said they aren’t me .I said some of the words do sound like u. Your never gonna believeme …so anyways Ifinally got the girls email and also phone num. and called her and confronted her and shesaid shedid meet up with someone in a van but he was very scarey . so she described him and itwas his friend who is very good with computers and he admitted it was with him. fine but what about the others and then again in may of 2010 I got ahold of his phone and there is a textmessage saying he ison his way back passingthrough Miranda and if she wanted to suck the purple monster. Again he says its not him. cuz the phone is actually his friends which the name still comes up. Now my problem is I’m consumed with spying on him . I did long time ago when got into his email. forwarded the girls that was chatting with and even craiglists that he answered. well hestill denies it. and I’m still diggingandsending these girls emails saying Im his sister and he is missing.well nothhing since april has been on his computer he showed meone day. butbecause some of those were dont when i was with him I just want him to come clean and then Ican move on cuz i can’t leave him i love him too much and right now he isin jail forsomething hedidn’tdo cuz i was with him. and I keep bringing itup andhe swears I’mthe girl of his dreams dreams helied aobut one girl that I called at her work andshe said that he did spendthernightbutwas a perfect gentlman and they were just friends. I confronted him about her and said Iknow u didn’t doanythig cuz she really is n’t very pretty. but now the other ones admit it. he say they are not him. well I have always had a problem with negativity and self concous about myslelf . He wants me and the boys to live with him and he also said he want s me to have his baby and even marry me. Ilove himsomuch but when hegets out I’m going to have tohave a long talk aboutchat sites. I’m okay with porn cuz he got me used to it and we use it to get ideas. But thiscyber sex really pisses me off. I havebeen gettingyour rori ray onlineforsome timebut can’tafford to get the c.d.s or book. I’m always broke now. so can u help me deal with this. I got through toanothe girl and said the same i’m his sister…well she said shemet him online and exchanged some emails. so I tried toget her tosend them to me. well she said why and that itseems too weird more like sounding likea upset wife or girlfriend whoi has caught her man wanting to make out. I just hate what I’ve become sneaking around and stealing his phone . one night i snuck outof bed and went on his computer and then later he woke up and started to yell for me and told me to stop it. How do I go backto the happiest woman alive again and stop the snooping….thankyou for being patient with my story…. queenshabing

]]> By: jubilee http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-46755 jubilee Sat, 19 Jun 2010 06:11:27 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-46755 The key is MARRIAGE!!....and when youre married, Please don't turn your husband down---it's like affection is to us---would you like your husband not hugging you? *gasp* Read Proverbs 5:18-19---does that sound religious to you? Yes! that's the BIBLE! The key is MARRIAGE!!….and when youre married, Please don’t turn your husband down—it’s like affection is to us—would you like your husband not hugging you? *gasp* Read Proverbs 5:18-19—does that sound religious to you? Yes! that’s the BIBLE!

]]> By: jubilee http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-46753 jubilee Sat, 19 Jun 2010 06:03:46 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-46753 When a man is into porn, he's using all of his sexual energy,or a huge part of it (masterbating). A good sign is, if you're married and he doesn't want to have intercourse for a week. There's NO WAY a woman is more aroused than a man, usually. A woman is multiorgasmic, a man is NOT especially after the age of 21; there is just so much energy in his sexual apparatus. Even men in their 60's wants it at least once a week, it's a sign of love for them also. When a man is into porn, he’s using all of his sexual energy,or a huge part of it (masterbating). A good sign is, if you’re married and he doesn’t want to have intercourse for a week. There’s NO WAY a woman is more aroused than a man, usually. A woman is multiorgasmic, a man is NOT especially after the age of 21; there is just so much energy in his sexual apparatus. Even men in their 60′s wants it at least once a week, it’s a sign of love for them also.

]]> By: tinque http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-45911 tinque Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:36:06 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-45911 sensousam - The answer to all your questions is yes. You are more likely to find this kind of man though if you can learn to keep yourself as open and accepting as possible. If you can come back to place of deep self love. I fully understand how devastating this can be especially if you've never encountered it before. From my experience, the more I came to love me, the closer I came to accepting K porn and all, the less he looked at it. He hasn't been doing this for a long time actually, but this isn't to say he may never again, BUT, and this is important, he won't look to simply get his rocks off or because I'm not enough for him in some way. He will look because men love looking at naked women. And that's it. He will always be very turned on by me. He will never want porn to interfere with our sexual life. He never has and never will. Also as men get older, their libido drops, and this is simply extra stimulation they might want. They DO NOT bring these images to their lovemaking bed. They DO NOT desire these women secretly or otherwise. Good men that is. A good man will always be turned on by you and you alone with or without porn, And lastly thought there are certainly some men out there who enjoy porn and are predators or lascivious players, but they are way in the minority. Most men are good men, and all men enjoy looking at women. As long as it's a quick, habitual glance born out of biology or an appreciative look, as long as he's discrete, it's a normal thing. If you go out with a man who openly drools, then it's time to say, "next!". xxoo sensousam – The answer to all your questions is yes. You are more likely to find this kind of man though if you can learn to keep yourself as open and accepting as possible. If you can come back to place of deep self love.
I fully understand how devastating this can be especially if you’ve never encountered it before.
From my experience, the more I came to love me, the closer I came to accepting K porn and all, the less he looked at it. He hasn’t been doing this for a long time actually, but this isn’t to say he may never again, BUT, and this is important, he won’t look to simply get his rocks off or because I’m not enough for him in some way. He will look because men love looking at naked women. And that’s it. He will always be very turned on by me. He will never want porn to interfere with our sexual life. He never has and never will.
Also as men get older, their libido drops, and this is simply extra stimulation they might want. They DO NOT bring these images to their lovemaking bed. They DO NOT desire these women secretly or otherwise. Good men that is.
A good man will always be turned on by you and you alone with or without porn,
And lastly thought there are certainly some men out there who enjoy porn and are predators or lascivious players, but they are way in the minority. Most men are good men, and all men enjoy looking at women. As long as it’s a quick, habitual glance born out of biology or an appreciative look, as long as he’s discrete, it’s a normal thing. If you go out with a man who openly drools, then it’s time to say, “next!”.
xxoo

]]> By: sensuousam http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-45899 sensuousam Tue, 15 Jun 2010 12:47:14 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-45899 Thank you for kind responses however I feel I may not be able to soften to porn let alone embrace it as I have been deeply traumatized by its appearance in my life and relationships over the past 7 years, not a day goes by when I don't think about it or compare myself to those images because to me it was more like I was just the mastabatory object of release and those women were the ones that really did it for them and they would really prefer. I do get a bit of relief knowing that there are men out there who can live without it but for now I would like to ask a few questions.If pornography is so integral to a man because of their visual nature why not let it be so that it is part of a women's nature to be hurt by it and do men really take their time to understand why it hurts us and decide to genuinely stop or are some women just not worth giving up porn for.If I had an all round wonderful boyfriend with a little porn habit that tore me apart even when I do understand completely their desire for it and decided to accept it because he is a guy, would a man give up his porn habit for me because my dislike of it is just a female thing and it does'nt matter because I am a good catch and worth it?? One party has to suppress their nature to accommodate the other for the relationship to work and it seems to me it will have to be the women,we have to withhold our pain for their simple pleasure and they get to have sex with us too?? I used to be proud of myself on all levels and never had hang ups about my body now I'm less than half the women and very angry and very safe as a single women, someday I will probably like a companion but I really ,really don't want to bother with the issue of porn in another relationship again at my age and I wont so if I seem to be attracting these types of men what do I do to not attract them,I believe I could probably do something about my self esteem but is there something else I could be doing. Also I know the difference between a man admiring a beautiful women and feeling her energy and a man invading her for his quick sexual fix and they are usually men into pornography or predators or both. I'm sorry for going on,its just my pain talking. Thank you for kind responses however I feel I may not be able to soften to porn let alone embrace it as I have been deeply traumatized by its appearance in my life and relationships over the past 7 years, not a day goes by when I don’t think about it or compare myself to those images because to me it was more like I was just the mastabatory object of release and those women were the ones that really did it for them and they would really prefer. I do get a bit of relief knowing that there are men out there who can live without it but for now I would like to ask a few questions.If pornography is so integral to a man because of their visual nature why not let it be so that it is part of a women’s nature to be hurt by it and do men really take their time to understand why it hurts us and decide to genuinely stop or are some women just not worth giving up porn for.If I had an all round wonderful boyfriend with a little porn habit that tore me apart even when I do understand completely their desire for it and decided to accept it because he is a guy, would a man give up his porn habit for me because my dislike of it is just a female thing and it does’nt matter because I am a good catch and worth it?? One party has to suppress their nature to accommodate the other for the relationship to work and it seems to me it will have to be the women,we have to withhold our pain for their simple pleasure and they get to have sex with us too??
I used to be proud of myself on all levels and never had hang ups about my body now I’m less than half the women and very angry and very safe as a single women, someday I will probably like a companion but I really ,really don’t want to bother with the issue of porn in another relationship again at my age and I wont so if I seem to be attracting these types of men what do I do to not attract them,I believe I could probably do something about my self esteem but is there something else I could be doing.
Also I know the difference between a man admiring a beautiful women and feeling her energy and a man invading her for his quick sexual fix and they are usually men into pornography or predators or both. I’m sorry for going on,its just my pain talking.

]]> By: tinque http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/porn-and-your-man/porn-and-your-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-45554 tinque Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:36:08 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=232#comment-45554 sensuousam - everything Rori says here is absolutely true. there are definitely men out there not into porn, but also, and this is important, men love looking at women whether it's women out in the streets or online. It's part of their DNA, BUT a good man looks in order to soak in feminine energy, and there is no desire on their part. It's a boost of energy to bring to the woman they love whether she has a "perfect" body or she is aging and dropping everywhere. A good man will see the woman he loves and be turned on by her no matter what she looks like. And any man who asks you to get a boob job is NOT a good man. I would be happy to work with you on this. xxoo sensuousam – everything Rori says here is absolutely true. there are definitely men out there not into porn, but also, and this is important, men love looking at women whether it’s women out in the streets or online. It’s part of their DNA, BUT a good man looks in order to soak in feminine energy, and there is no desire on their part. It’s a boost of energy to bring to the woman they love whether she has a “perfect” body or she is aging and dropping everywhere.
A good man will see the woman he loves and be turned on by her no matter what she looks like.
And any man who asks you to get a boob job is NOT a good man.
I would be happy to work with you on this.
xxoo

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