How To Create Space And Make Room For Love

Here’s a letter from Maria – and it’s all about ending up clinging to a man and how to stop doing that:

“Dear Rori,

The man I am entangled with is a very unique, magnetic and complicated fellow. He is amazing and wonderful in so many ways, but when he shuts down there is no tool that gets through.

I have recently moved in with him because I couldn’t afford my own place. For the past year he has been helping me through a lot of financial and legal stuff. He’s a “helper.” Our relationship has been on/off throughout that time. In the past when he needed his space I had my apartment to go to. Now I am in his room, his house. He clearly wants his space and I don’t know how to go back to myself in this situation.

I try not to nag him about the relationship, but it has clearly taken a turn for the worse. He has been sleeping in the other room for the past 3 nights. He didn’t even say goodbye this morning before going to work. I ask him if he wants me to move out. He says “no.” I ask him if he’s trying to push me away, he says “no.” Yet his actions tell me he doesn’t want to be with me. Some examples…yesterday he said he was going to the grocery store. It takes 20 minutes max to go get a few things. He didn’t come back for 2 hours. He went to the brewery instead.

He didn’t text or anything. When he gets home he puts all his attention on his ipad and cuts off any opening for communication. If I do say something he gives a brief and cold response.

I know that he is at times emotionally unavailable, but when he does open up and we connect it is great. Unfortunately this isn’t happening anymore. I haven’t done anything “wrong.” But I am feeling like a charity case and not like a girlfriend. I try to connect emotionally, but it keeps backfiring on me regardless of the language I use. It is peaceful in the home. We don’t yell or argue.

But it is also difficult to find myself and my own happiness again in this situation. I want more than anything to break through his guarded heart and reach him. I want to have a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with him. There is so much more to share about our dynamic.

I do see that he is a bit of a narcissist. We are both very attractive people (not to toot my own horn), but if he’s not demonstrating jealousy he is demonstrating how much he believes he’s “hot”. It seems that there is only enough room for one person to shine in his world.
Help, Maria”

My Answer:

Maria – As long as you’re living with him because you can’t take care of yourself financially – you’ll never feel strong enough to shift your “vibe” – please, please focus ALL your energy on bringing in some money so you can regain your confidence.

Spend as much time as you can away from the house doing things that feel important to you – walking, reading, studying, going to classes, trying to get work.

Set up an office or space for yourself somewhere in the house, and stay THERE or get out of the house entirely when he’s creating space for himself.

Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener.

I’m not asking you to ignore him – I’m asking you to focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent.

Even if you have to take a menial part-time job – do it.

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

948 Comments to “How To Create Space And Make Room For Love”

1: Femininewoman says:

aaaahhh space

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:35am
2: Tam says:

‘very unique, magnetic and complicated fellow. He is amazing and wonderful in so many ways, but when he shuts down there is no tool that gets through.’

Hmmmmm. I wonder how those beliefs could be shiftet and brought back to oneself:
‘I am unique, magnetic and somewhat complicated in a good way. Any man would be happy to have me in his life. I choose to remove myself from the situation and become less available and not ‘work’ tools in order to get through to him. I choose me. And I will be open to those men who choose me.’

That would feel so much better. No man is unique, magnetic and complicated enough to make me run after him.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:36am
3: Tam says:

I make space!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:36am
4: Femininewoman says:

How to create space and make room for love – Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener. focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:39am
5: Calypso says:

I require so much more space than JC . . . he seems to be learning and understanding that. I try to compromise too and give him what he needs sometimes even when my heart is racing and I feel like running. We have been apart since returning from the beach on Sunday. Tonight he has asked me to come see him at his house for some cuddle time . . . I miss him now and feel happy to go see him, but i know a couple of hours will be enough for me at his house. I’m more comfortable when we are out and about doing things – room to breathe . . . i don’t know when I got tot be this way, but understanding it has really helped me. Helping JC understand it is helping our relationship.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:50am
6: mlc says:

I am about to have a conversation with my boyfriend of over a year to give us all the space we need…last week i noticed a posting on his facebook page that led me to believe he was communicating with a woman outside of our relationship in a way that made me intuitively uncomfortable. i brought this to his attention and he immediately became defensive, which i thought was odd since i hadn’t accused him of anything. i simply told him i thought her comment seemed like she was way too familiar with him and that it made me uncomfortable. he then proceeded to give me the cold shoulder the rest of the day, which i didn’t realize until i noticed he didn’t call like he normally does. so i called him. i could tell he was not happy…giving me one word answers, etc. i said are you mad at me? he said yes. apparently from the statement i made about being uncomfortable, he felt like i was trying to control him. he even went so far as to say he did not want to see me that evening. during our conversation in which i had to try really really had to keep my cool, it was brought out that he has been keeping in contact (although i don’t know in what manner) with women he met online at the same time he met me. we have been in an exclusive relationship for over a year. this shocked me. i feel betrayed and deceived. i had no idea he was developing and maintaining relationships with anyone other than me. he knew i would not like this. he knows i would have let him go rather than share him with potential love interests. this has changed my feelings towards him and about our relationship and where it is going. we have talked about marriage for a long time. this changes everything for me. i have no trust in him to protect my feelings and heart because it looks as though his desires are more important than anything. for what it’s worth, i don’t think there is anything to these “faux friendships”. I don’t believe they are anything more than an ego stroke for him. i still dont’ like it and it makes me very uncomfortable. i need to bring this subject up for discussion because frankly it makes me want to break up. it really hurts. i need advice.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:17am
7: mlc says:

it feels like he knows he has a solid relationship with me, but “just in case something happens” he wants to keep these “friends” on the side. it just feels wrong to me.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:20am
8: Femininewoman says:

mlc – have been in an exclusive relationship for over a year. this shocked me.

Was there a verbal agreement made between the both of you about what the exclusivity looks like?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:21am
9: Tam says:

mlc, yes, that would feel ‘wrong’ to me too.
Can you bring it up with him using feeling messages in a non-blaming way?
If it’s a deal breaker and he insists on doing this, would you be prepared to walk away?
These are questions I have asked myself too.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:23am
10: Femininewoman says:

Understand Men Tip #52

Men want a relationship to be fun and endurable.

Be sure you have lots of laughter together.
Be sure to open a safe space for him to talk without
being judged.
Appreciate him.
I look forward to hearing about your successful
relationship with a GREAT guy!

*********************************************************
Sending you smiles,

Jonathon Aslay

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:28am
11: Iamabutterfly says:

so, the sympathy card I sent. He texted me several times after that. I didn’t use feeling messages, I was civil, I kept it as short as possible.

Later, I see him sitting alone, looking sad.
*leaning forward?*

I walk over, sit down next to him and ask him how he’s doing. He seems really happy to see me. We talk the entire time before. I stay. He mirrors my body language the entire time. I try to stay in feminine energy the entire time. I feel nervous. I feel shy. I feel soooo happy. We’re connecting and we can both feel it. He spreads his arms out and creates a private space that only we are inside.

I feel embarassed. I’m so obviously into him, he has a gf, and I shouldn’t be sitting here talking to him.

I keep trying to leave. He keeps asking me questions to make me stay.

That night, he approached me. He seemed eager, excited. I was surrounded by people who were demanding my attention. He gave up and left.

I felt soooooo disappointed.

why why why why why why why why why why why???!!!!

Need to focus on ME.
Need to focus on feeling good.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:28am
12: Iamabutterfly says:

found an old guy on an online thing. haven’t talked to him in three years. feel so fascinated by him. he’s one of the few older guys I ever really cared about. I loved him, because he was one of the most vulnerable, beautiful men I had ever met. He used to hold me and listen to me and buy me dinner and call and text me. but we weren’t defined or anything.

our lives are so different now. I wouldn’t even know how to have a conversation with him now, if the opportunity were ever to arise.

just wondering what he taught me back then, what he could teach me now.

I feel so intrigued by my “teachers.”

I want to understand…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:31am
13: Femininewoman says:

Tam/mlc – the problem I see is that it is focussed on his behavior so he is showing you that his MO is to become defensive when his behavior is questioned.

It is also not clear if you live together. If that is not the case then I am not sure I would bring up the conversation. He is mad as he confirmed. He will need to process that first before he might be able to hear anything.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:33am
14: mlc says:

when i mentioned that i was uncomfortable with the comment i specifically said, i know we can’t control what we other people do, i am not blaming you….but the fact is, if he hadn’t been communicating with this person, she wouldn’t have made the “too familiar” comment. so really, it is on him. that is one of the parts that really bothers me.

yes, he and i are very clear on what an exclusive relationship is. in fact, in the early months of our dating, he was waffly and didn’t know if he wanted to be exclusive. i said that was fine, but since we had gotten so close and had already been intimate that i was not willing to date him if he wanted to see other women too. i was willing to let him go and see what else was out there. he is the one who came back to me within a matter of days….his comment to me a week ago was “i don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with being friends with someone if there is no interest.” i don’t agree. especially since he met them on a dating site…at the same time he met me…and i say them, i dont really know how many or any details which has made my imagination run wild all week…i get the whole thing where you can see someone online and say hey how’s it going. blah blah blah….and i know you can start a relationship with anyone at any time…this situation feels totally wrong to me though.

this is not okay with me. i am 100% in this relationship and i thought he was too. developing relationships or friendships this way just feels to me like he’s hedging his bet. this is a dealbreaker for me. trust is the most important thing. i feel like we are all responsible for our own happiness, but when we are in a mutually exclusive, committed relationship, we take on a responsibility to protect the other’s feelings.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:35am
15: Iamabutterfly says:

He hangs out with the rich and famous. I’m “just making it,” and hang out with normal people. Many with low-self esteem. Many who are young and don’t know what they are doing with their lives. Some who are older and have “messed up” their lives.

I can’t say I really know what I’m doing with my life. I’m always searching for meaning. I want higher quality friendships, relationships, with higher quality people.

but I believe all people are of a high quality. we just need to change and grow and evolve together. to be each other’s teachers.

I love teachers…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:35am
16: Iamabutterfly says:

I want to live in a third world country until I completely break. I don’t want to be spoiled, I want to be tough, I want to be hardy, I want to be raw, I want to be so real that nothing can shake me.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:37am
17: Femininewoman says:

Iamabutterfly – I walk over, sit down next to him and ask him how he’s doing.

I feel skeptical about asking him how he’s doing though I am not suggesting it was wrong.

I am just wonder if I would have shared “I feel nervous. I feel shy. I feel embarassed but feel like sitting next to you so we can talk. I feel curious and concerned about blah blah blah and wondering if you would tell me more? “

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:38am
18: Iamabutterfly says:

It feels PERFECT to listen to my intuition more than I listen to the advice of other people. I wish I had done it more YEARS ago. but maybe there’s a reason why I’m doing it NOW. I love NOW. NOW is all MINE.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:39am
19: mlc says:

We do not live together. We stay with each other three or four nights a week. we are both totally independent.

here is the kicker…we have been through a lot of heavy emotional situations in this relationship (all of which were his situations) dealing with his divorce (which I told him, i would not date him if he hadn’t processed his feelings regardig that. he absolutely convinced me and himself as well, l belive, that he had done that). It was a surprise to me and a surprise to him that there were still feelings and emotions he had to resolve)…Even though i didn’t like it, i cared for him and was understanding and supportive of him. We wanted to work through that together…his mother died, his son went off to college….we have dealt with a lot of stuff and i have willingly and with an open heart and mind been supportive and encouraging. he is a good person and i believe he is sincere in the things we talked about wanting in our relationship and for our future together…

here’s another kicker…he is in the military and he is being deployed in february for up to a year. i was willing to deal with that as well.

however, in light of recent events, i am not willing to be part of what i think of as his “cheerleading squad” even if I am the captain.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:42am
20: Iamabutterfly says:

@17 Feminine Woman – I’m not really worried about that. I feel less myself when I over-think things. It felt like a natural question to ask someone I care about who had just experienced a loss.

I find that I feel more tense when I overthink “is this the most feminine thing I can do?”

feeling authentic works better for me…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:42am
21: Femininewoman says:

“i don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with being friends with someone if there is no interest.” i don’t agree.

mlc – I believe it is a bigger issue. He is obviously still online. It is about this behavior not what the woman said. I would look again at the statement above to see if I really disagree. His world would really be a small place if so. I believe it is the “dating site” fact that makes the difference.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:44am
22: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel so moved. I feel so steeped in romance for myself. I feel connected to my past self, I feel connected to my now self. I feel forgiveness, awe, and wonder.

I’ve had so much delicious reflection time. It feels so good to think about it all, to feel it all, to type about it here, even if it doesn’t necessarily make sense…

what amazing, meaningful things in life really “make sense” anyway?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:45am
23: Femininewoman says:

Sorry Iamabutterfly. I was just trying to see myself in the scenario to see how I try to be now.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:46am
24: Starla says:

Woooo, what a doozy I’m in this week. Thinking so much about CF. and at the very least, letting thoughts of what that relationship felt like drive me to give myself those feelings through major self care and also moving away from romantic situations that aren’t giving me what I want. And at the very most, been contemplating sending him a heartfelt love letter.

I am not going to send him this letter. I know that my CF-related inspirations must first motivate me to deepen my own journey. There is this incredible path laid out before me as a result of being with him and breaking up with him, replete with new endeavors and deeper understanding of myself and a sense of happiness and health and emotional stability that I’ve never experienced before in my life. I want to take that path. It is a gift.

It feels so tempting to get sidetracked. It’s hard to break the long-standing belief that I need a man and romantic love in order to be ________. That I will miss out if I don’t hurry.

So I feel like I’m standing at a fork in the road. One way leads to going back to CF (and ladies, I’ve had a long time to think, and I KNOW I can get this man back if I TRIED to.. I know his hot buttons) or whoever my forever guy may be, and the other way leads to myself.

I feel overwhelmed with this sense that if I take the path to myself, the forks will eventually meet again at the end of the path, and I will not only have myself but also my forever guy. Whoever he may be.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:49am
25: mlc says:

Femininewoman….we ended the conversation last week on a calm and positive note and we decided that we would get together that night and we got along fine even though he knew i had been upset. it’s just that the more i think about what happened, the madder i get. i did not accuse him of anything at all. i spoke to him in a calm manner and told him exactly what was bothering me. even when it came out that he had developed these friendships, i was still calm. i am so angry that he felt he had a right to be angry at ME when HE was the one doing deceitful things even if he does consider it innocent. and now i don’t trust him. now everything that used to seem innocent on facebook; him “liking” pictures of pretty girls, single women commenting on his pictures, etc….stuff that didn’t mean anything to me before now i question.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:52am
26: mlc says:

we specifically agreed to shut down our dating site profiles a long time ago. there is no question about that. apparently he wanted to remain “friends” (although i don’t know how you consider people you haven’t met or talked to real “friends”) with some of them, so i guess, and it’s purely a guess, that they became “friends” on facebook. he actually said that, but i didn’t go into detail with him about it. like i said, i remained calm and tried to be logical.

dating site, facebook, local coffee shop…it doesn’t really matter where the meeting takes place…you are correct…it’s the behavior…”having his cake and eating it too.” i just don’t think it’s right.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:58am
27: Iamabutterfly says:

@23 Feminine woman – no problem. I always feel curious and appreciative of your perspective. you’ve got some major wisdom going on!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:59am
28: mlc says:

and i get that people can be friends, and i dont’ really mind that. if he’s going to stray, he’s going to stray. i don’t control him. it’s the deceitfulness and him getting mad at me that bothers me. i trusted him to take care of my heart. and now i don’t

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:02am
29: mlc says:

thank you for your wisdom and insight. i appreciate you and i need you.

which is another thing that bothers me. everyone wants to be needed and wanted and loved and appreciated in a healthy way. now i don’t feel like he needs me. and i know that is my own insecurity…this whole thing has made me feel insecure.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:04am
30: Starla says:

mlc, what are you doing to show love to yourself and take care of yourself right now/these last few days?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:07am
31: mlc says:

I am just doing what i normally do. nothing extra, nothing more. except i have come here to get advice and support.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:13am
32: Femininewoman says:

“Keep Your Options Open and Stop Him From Running Hot and Cold”
By: Rori Raye

You meet a great guy who showers you with attention and affection. He tells you how amazing you are, and you feel like all your relationship dreams are finally going to come true.
Then, suddenly, he doesn’t call as often as he used to. Or he hesitates making plans with you. Or when he’s with you, you sense he’s not really there, and it hurts. We’ve all been there, and it feels absolutely awful.

The butterflies in your stomach are now replaced by a gut-wrenching tension. You’re on edge, and you can only relax when he’s with you – but you never know exactly when that’s going to be. Soon, you start analyzing his every move and talking about it relentlessly with your girlfriends.

I know, because before I learned how to deal with this, I was the Queen of Analyzing.

Working Hard, Getting Nowhere

I’d monitor his face for any sign that he might be going cold on me, and then I would go into what I call “over functioning.” I’d ask him where he was going, what he was thinking, and ask when we were going to see each other. I made sure I was available all the time and even planned dates for us.

I’d try to do it in, what I thought, was a non-pressuring way. I’d ask him things out of “curiosity” or “caring”. Or just because my schedule was so busy that “I needed to know how to plan my week.”
Four Words To Change Your Love Life

One of the things I discovered, and made myself do, in order to get out of this self-destructive pattern was four words: KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN.

Instead of waiting around for a man to make plans or sit around analyzing why he’s constantly coming forward and then moving away, I started going on casual dates with several different men.
Note that I said “made myself, because I know how challenging this is! But you have to trust me (and yourself) to know that even when it feels scary to step back and take care of yourself, it’s the best – and most attractive thing – you can do.

The most important reason for dating more than one man until you are exclusive is that it gives YOU the opportunity to find the best partner. The fact that you will become more attractive to the men you’re dating is a bonus.

The last thing you want to do is put your life on hold and stand around waiting for one man. You’re giving him all the power. It’s like saying, “I’m so crazy about you, I’ll take whatever I can get.” And that is never attractive to a man.

His Secret Wish

Every man secretly wants to be with a woman who puts herself first. But he WILL take whatever he can get if you give it away freely. That’s why I say that exclusivity without a commitment is a trap. It’s great for him, but not good at all for you.

Keeping your options open makes it possible to have what you want, and it makes it easier for the man you have to give you what you want, because it completely changes your outlook and your “vibe.” I call it circular dating, and I show you how to do it in my eBook.
Once he sees that you’re honoring your heart, it will compel him to honor you. He’ll stop blowing hot or cold and give you the attention you deserve.
Or, he’ll leave you alone; and you’ll find out he wasn’t worth your time and heart anyway. You just saved yourself a lot of heartbreak. And since you were keeping your options open, you have a number of other suitors who are happily standing by. Lucky you!

I only wish I had started circular dating sooner. Because, as soon as I did, the right kind of men started showing up in my life – including my husband. It worked so well for me that I decided to create my eBook so I could share what I learned with women like you. Thousands of women have dramatically improved their relationships by using these powerful Tools. No matter how brokenhearted or confused you might feel right now, I know that what you learn in my eBook will help you create the committed relationship you deserve. I hope you’ll give it a try and give yourself the chance at finding your happy ever after.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:17am
33: Femininewoman says:

RE 29 mlc – In my humble opinion, any sane woman in that situation would feel insecure.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:18am
34: Tam says:

Starla, has CF reached out to you?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:19am
35: Tam says:

My date for tonight just texted that he might not be able to make it cause his mum is sick, yeah right. Haha. Actually, no worries, I will just go back on the pier and get another fishing lesson
he he he
I would rather CD myself anyway

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:23am
36: mlc says:

thank you fw…i was hoping i wasn’t insane for it making me feel insecure.

i have tried to grow and have learned a lot from this site and from the baggage reclaim site.

i need some advice as to how to proceed. especially in light of the deployment.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:24am
37: Femininewoman says:

RE 26 Maybe he changed his mind. He is entitled to. So are you. I believe I would just reactivate my profile and start cdating again. If not cdate, then think about reactivating it to see what that brings up for me.

eemm Staying calm and logical in this situation. Maybe I would get in touch with my anger.

How I am seeing it, it is the exclusivity that is creating problems. 3 to 4 nights per week without commitment.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:24am
38: Miss Bells says:

This post really speaks to me. I finally got the money, moved out, and we are still “us” only better now. This time–I won’t move back in unless it is as his wife, and I have told him this.
There is always a way to get the space to re-focus on ourselves.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:26am
39: Starla says:

mlc, in times like this it’s extra important to do nice loving things for ourselves. This way we’re not spending all our free time worrying about his stupid ass, lol. and sending love to ourselves instead.

what do you like to do? pedicures? hiking? art?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:26am
40: Emerson says:

Hi ladies I have been on a roller coaster with my job and family stuff it feels overwhelming. I don’t want to upset anyone by changing my plan…. But that is not looking out for me… I worry about what others will think. I need more time and space for myself and my needs. I want to go out with friends and have fun. I’m feeling run down.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:26am
41: Starla says:

34 tam, no
i’ve been thinking about him a lot because his sister’s 2 bestest friends have been reaching out to me all of a sudden, something they NEVER did before in my whole life. He is very very close with his sister, so it’s made me go hmmmmm

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:27am
42: Miss Bells says:

I am reposting this from the last thread. I didn’t get a response on that thread, posted late. It is about how to handle it when our man is weakened.
I am truly worried about HS. Widespread sudden onset chronic muscle pain. Trouble even WALKING. He is 63.
No sign of tick bite–so likely not lyme.
Maybe fibromyalgia, though it doesn’t often strike older men. Polymyalgia Rhematica? Both of these are really FUNKY diseases.

How does Rori suggest we handle this sort of thing. I don’t want to be his mommy, or immasculate him. Not being able to walk very well is doing that already. I told him I feel sad he is hurting and suggested we stick to his house this weekend. And asked him what he thinks.
He responded that this would be very good and he has some comedies on Netflix. We’ll do take out so I won’t be over-giving.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:30am
43: Starla says:

((((((((((Emerson)))))))))))))

ohhh lady it’s all gonna be okay

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:31am
44: Silver Moonbeam says:

First of all I apologise for the length of this message but I need serious help in how to proceed with this guy. I’m not overjoyed with the messages I have sent to him so far, and I don’t know his seem a bit copy and paste to me?? BTW he is 12 years younger than me.

I would really appreciate some input of how to answer his last message, we have only been messaging this afternoon.

J: You are truly gorgeous and also have a beautiful smile and if you want to know a little bit more about myself, I am almost 47 years old, I work finances in central London, I have 2 grown up boys and I am already a grandfather I hope that’s not a turn-off
And what is such a beautiful lady like doing on this site?

Me: Hello J

It feels good to hear from you, I like it that your boys are grown up and you have a grandchild as I am not looking for anybody with young children which lots of older men have these days.

And like you I am here hoping to find romance with my Prince Charming lol!!

B

J: I am looking for my missing half, my main desire is for my partner/relationship to bring the best out of me and it be a natural occurrence, without planning, forethought or effort – when you just can’t help being better than you’ve ever been before – that’s when I’m my happiest.Some people donâ€™t believe we can have another half to complete us, myself I do. I am a more complete person as part of a couple. I like having the closeness, being able to bounce ideas off one another joint decisions encouraging individual as well as joint pursuits.
I am not a game player and am not manipulative – either you mutually click and want to commit to a relationship or you don’t. I am happy and settled on my own and don’t want to be in a relationship unless it enhances my happiness, not the opposite. i.e. I don’t want to be with someone just for the sake of it although it would be nice to have someone special in my life to share special moments with.
I am new to this cyber dating world and I’m going to get serious now: I don’t play games, I’m not on here to find a sex buddy or a flash in the pan partner, I’m here for the long haul, to develop and grow with that certain someone who makes my tummy flutter when I kiss her or look into her eyes! I am impulsive but what I do ground myself on is when it comes to matters of the heart, I want so much to do things right. I donâ€™t want to think I rushed and made a mistake. When I fall, I fall hard and I don’t want a broken heart to deal with.

Me: I think this may be the most intense message I have received!! I am not into playing games either or time wasting. It feels good to me to meet rather than endless emails and texts where you build up a picture of a person in your mind that is usually untrue.

I am not into sex buddies or one night stands, I am quite a serious person when it comes to matters of the heart.

I don’t see anything personal about me in this message, what was it that interested you in my profile?

What do you think we could have in common?

Would the age difference bother you?

B

J: First of all I dont do casual dating, cant see the point really. I have spent a lot of time single, not through choice, I guess I just havent met mrs right yet. Looks are not number one on my list of priorities. Manners, personality and a good sense of humour are. I want my heart to skip a beat when I see her,I want to get excited when my phone rings, I want to feel proud to introduce her to my friends and I just want her to love me for who I am and not try to change me as I wouldnt her .

p.s. you look younger than me and age is not a problem. age and love there’s no
difference.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:32am
45: mlc says:

fw: we are committed….well, i thought we were but reality is, if he is doing that, he is not committed. i sincerely think he believes there is nothing wrong with what he did because there is really nothing going on between him and anyone. he even said these exact words during our conversation: i am totally committed to you. but the words and the behavior are totally opposite of each other. even if it is innocent frivilous “faux friendship”. i live in the real world not some stupid cyberworld where i am a rockstar and i collect “friends”…

we both said we wanted to see if this relationship would lead to marriage and we are taking the time to see if we are compatible.

maybe i just think at our age (48) what we discussed wanting to see this realtionship progress to and after what we’ve been through together and what we are getting ready to go through (deployment) i feel like we either need to move forward or end it. especially in light of what just came up. in my heart, and my intuition tells me that there is really nothing to any of this. i think he likes the attention, but it’s nothing more. it was just so deceitful.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:34am
46: mlc says:

re 37

yes, he is entitled to change his mind…but he hasnt’ changed his mind, it looks to me like he is just hedging his bets…which is not fair.

if you change your mind, so be it. man up and tell a person.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:38am
47: Starla says:

Silver Moonbeam, I don’t know what the other women here will say, but I personally would just stop messaging him lol.

but first i’d say to myself, out loud, “ummmmmmmmmmmm yeah ok” lol

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:38am
48: mlc says:

but there is something to it….it is now obvious that he is afraid of being alone. is that why he’s with me?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:42am
49: Silver Moonbeam says:

£47 Starla

What do you mean ummmmmmmmmmmm yeah ok?

Where my messages to him pure crap? LOL!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:42am
50: Emerson says:

Thnks Starla
What’s the latest with cf!?

Hi silver moonbeam
Wow that is quite a message he wrote! I noticed one of your replies started with “I think” and I noticed this wording is my tendency too unless I’m really focusing on feeling messages….maybe you could say “I feel inteigued to get to know you”

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:42am
51: Silver Moonbeam says:

Dammit I forgot to switch from my English keyboard!!

#47 Starla

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:43am
52: Starla says:

no, i mean that he’s not actually answering what you’re saying, so it’s like “ummmmmmmm” to him

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:43am
53: Silver Moonbeam says:

#50 Emerson

Dammit yes, me and my THINKING brain – thanks for pointing that out!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:43am
54: Starla says:

Emerson, I posted the latest in #24, but there’s nothing ACTUALLY new. Just new feelings.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:44am
55: Emerson says:

Silver moonbeam it almost feels like some of his message is generic and maybe was cut and paste…? You did pick up on that and asked what it was about you that interested him….

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:44am
56: Emerson says:

Also silver moonbeam I am not sure how you feel but maybe just use this for practicing feeling messages even if you never end up meeting him.

When I “meet” men online who just ramble on long messages I’ve learned they usually don’t follow thru, but I could be wrong ….

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:48am
57: Emerson says:

Starla I still have feelings for recycled and I know if I called him I would be having breakfast with him within a day or two … I really miss him and I feel sad that I have not been successful with cding.
Finding CDs and cding feels realllllly hard

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:51am
58: Emerson says:

Sorry I’m so negative ladies I’m just really run down too much working

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:52am
59: Silver Moonbeam says:

#52 Starla and #55 Emerson

Yes I am confused by this copy and paste job, at least that’s what it seems to me, in fact the only thing that is personal to me is the p.s. which obviously I likey very much.

Sooooo I won’t answer until maybe later tonight, maybe even tomorrow morning what with me being a busy Siren *cough, but where do I go with this?

“I feel bored with long messaging and feel intrigued in getting to meet men/you/dates??.”

Or

“I don’t feel like writing long messages and prefer to talk on the phone, here is my mobile xxxxxxxxxx.”

Or

“I feel bored and like to talk personally, here is my mobile xxxxxxxxxxxx.”

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:52am
60: Emerson says:

53 silver moonbeam
It’s a learning process in fact I was just trying to think of a feeling message right now and I’m blanking out…I need to keep up the practice

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:54am
61: Emerson says:

Hmm silver moon maybe just sit back for now and see what you come up with in the next day or so maybe he will write again or maybe you will lose interest…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:56am
62: Tam says:

57 Emerson, I agree. I feel the same way most of the time and then force myself to get out and it usually turns out ok, but I do tend to miss the man more because it seems hard to find certain qualities in men….yet I am not even really looking, just practicing…CDing myself etc.
It does feel like work but I am sure there will be a paycheck.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:59am
63: Starla says:

(((((((Emerson)))))))))
it’s okay to be negative sometimes especially when you’re in a ‘safe place’ like this

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:59am
64: Emerson says:

Silver moon your feeling messages sound good

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:59am
65: Silver Moonbeam says:

Thanks Emerson…….I do sooo know what you mean about CD’ing being so hard, at my age it’s hard to find men that are not married or who have 2nd families and I don’t want that in my life…..

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:59am
66: Tam says:

65 SMB, at my age also, I am 36…and they all have small kids and a lot have baby mama drama.
Most seem jaded.
I want light heartedness in my life, and not being tied down by a family that isn’t even mine.
Sounds selfish but I did it before – wasn’t fun.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:02am
67: Emerson says:

Thanks Starla and Tam
I feel like I need to make a bigggg change like maybe move away from here and start fresh but I need some $$ first so I’m working my butt off

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:03am
68: Emerson says:

66 I did that too Tam I was only 31 and got way entrenched with my ex and his kid and ended up raising her…so sad that I don’t ever see her now becuz she lives with her “real” mom (she’s 21 now)

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:05am
69: Emerson says:

I’m 40 but I feel a lot younger

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:06am
70: Emerson says:

I feel really stressed out

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:07am
71: Tam says:

((((Emerson))))

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:09am
72: Tam says:

CDBig, the cry baby, after poofing has been in touch and apologized for his behaviour. I accepted it and said that I know he is a good man.
I have no intention of meeting him again though, he is also a hot/cold and push/pull man and I do not need this in my life anymore.
MrP shall be renamed from ‘persistent’ into ‘poofer’, we can keep the ‘p’.
He’ll be back too, eventually, maybe in 3 months. I am really not sure I want to stay open, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. But I don’t see much point.

Else all is well.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:21am
73: Iamabutterfly says:

@42 Miss Bells – Rori has posts about Physical Health and Chronic Illness listed in the upper right hand corner of the blog. I think they mostly deal with how to handle your OWN health, but you might find something helpful for dealing with your man’s health as well. ((((Miss Bells))))

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:27am
74: Starla says:

I just deactivated my online dating accounts

i feel good, but i think i might feel better if i actually deleted them completely

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:30am
75: Tam says:

Starla, why? No more Cding or got so many?
I am bored with online dating also.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:31am
76: Starla says:

tam,
i think this use of my boy energy (seeking out CDing so proactively) is undermining my desire for something authentic and lovely to come to me when the moment is right.

I think if i use my boy energy on developing myself, and letting it direct me to where i think i need to be in order to do that, he will come.

i will still date, if i feel inspired to go out with a man when he asks me

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:40am
77: Tam says:

Totally get that Starla, I seem to be heading that way too. Plus here, it is very easy to meet people out and about…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:42am
78: Daria says:

One of my CDs that I has grown a bit emotionally close to over the past few years that proofed over a year ago just e-mailed me out the blue

Hmmm

That feels kinda nice

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:57am
79: Tam says:

yep, they do come back Daria…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:59am
80: Miss Bells says:

#73
I know she says stay the h e l l away from them if they are “screwing up” i.e. can’t fix the lawn mower and hollering about it, but this is different.

As angry as I have been at him at times–it hurts to see him this way. 63 is not OLD.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:59am
81: Annie says:

Tam hugs.

764: Tam says:

“((((Heart)))) fb is the demise of all of us. MrP is posting on common friends statuses like there is no tomorrow (he doesn’t normally) and has totally blindsided me. I find it offensive even though it has nothing to do with me whatsoever. I sunk into my feelings about that yesterday and decided to look at fb less and perhaps deactivate my account for a little. Not sure. Just rearranging my priorities.”

Feel unsure if it will be right for you only you will know that maybe by experimenting.
I had this last year. Saw someone I cared for deeply who claimed to be madly in love with me blah blah blah explicatively flirting with ex on FB. I had walked away from him refused to see him etc. When I saw this felt major triggered, crying buckets, my heart felt like a mirror shattering and that from just sexually flirty comments. Well I cried from the heartbreak, sank into those feelings and opened up to healing and deactivated account for a couple of days.. This is what happened for me I processed and instead of wanting him more and him being more attractive to me because other pretty girls were interested and getting his attention I ended up feeling repelled and thinking I don’t want a man like that. So Bizarre. I went out stuck to my date and had a great time felt amazing. When he next reappeared and he led me into the conversation I told him I felt repelled seeing him flirting online. He said he was sad and sorry for making me feel like that. I still refused to see him. I didn’t want to. I still cared but I didn’t want him if that is what he does. I knew that is/ was his style with women, it’s what he habitually does and what has worked for him in the past. The women want him more. Well I didn’t, I wanted him less. A complete turnaround. I miss the good stuff but there were red flags, this being one of them. deactivating helped me, sink into the feeling of heartbreak, was awful, but then so quickly got to a better place and saw things clearer.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:00am
82: Annie says:

And judgment, I believe Rori says, where are we judging ourselves when this happens.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:02am
83: Tam says:

(((Annie))) – thanks for sharing that.
Hm. I feel pretty turned off now as it is actually.
I don’t feel so open anymore and like I have given lots of chances that, in the end were not taken.
I have always stayed open, yes I have made mistakes and have judged (I wouldn’t be so quick anymore now), and have not trusted. But in essence I have always been there. Even when I was in a relationship.
And now I don’t feel this is helping.
It’s like groundhog day…things might go well for a while and then he gets scared and runs anyway.
Always has done.
There is no reason to think anything will change.
People can change and do change, but at the very least a man should be running in my door.
He did last time I was here. Now he is not.
Got to understand that this is what it is and men do what they want.
It’s pretty simple.
It also somehow gives me ‘permission’ to do what I want.
I feel much less doormatty now. If a guy stands me up or doesn’t phone at the agreed time, then I just let it go and might not even call him back at all anymore.
I am doing what I want now.
And I am looking after me.
If, for a man it really is too much effort to pick me up when I happen to be just around the corner – then I feel free to do what I want and no longer be ‘nice’ and ‘receptive’.
It is what it is.
He might be dating someone esle.
I am dating others.
He doesn’t exist.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:14am
84: Tam says:

Not even feeling sad anymore, just ‘meh’.
Proud of myself.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:15am
85: Annie says:

“Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener.

I’m not asking you to ignore him – I’m asking you to focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent.

Even if you have to take a menial part-time job – do it.

Love, Rori”

I feel curious, would you advise the same to someone who was married and taking care of children?
And so not really financially viable.
Do you think married women with children who are already committed also need to be financially independent?

Or does it all change then as our men are supposed to take care of us when they commit?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:16am
86: Annie says:

love that Tam. Meh! haha

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:18am
87: Tam says:

86, hehe….yep. True though. Totally unexcited. Underwhelmed in fact, by it all. MEH!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:20am
88: Femininewoman says:

mlc – what does commitment look like to you?
What kind of commitment did you both agree to?
Do you realize commitment and exclusivity are two totally different things?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:20am
89: Annie says:

Maria says. “I have recently moved in with him because I couldn’t afford my own place.”

I’ll be honest I don’t get this. I feel confused.

I don’t understand where a man is coming from.
Is he asking to help out?
I really don’t get it. I would feel really scared in a situation like that.
I wouldn’t want to move in with anyone unless we were a real couple going to get married.
Actually now I would actually want to be married first.

I would want to know that he was asking me to move in because we were getting engaged and then married. And have who was paying for what agreed.

And I so would not be able to remain open sexually in those circumstances.
Just me though.
It would feel like room mates having sex. I just wouldn’t be able to do it.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:27am
90: Tam says:

Hm. CD whose ‘mother’ is sick said he’d call me later…but I want to go out for a long run, means I will miss his call..I did say to please call before 4pm and it is 3pm soon and I am done working (I start 5am), sooooooooo I am just thinking of leaving phone at home and going…I don’t feel like waiting around.
Would that be mean?
I am a lady who has a life after all.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:27am
91: mlc says:

Committment, is exactly what we discussed. We made a conscious decision together to be exclusive in our relationship seeing only eachother, encouraging and supporting eachother in our individual pursuits as well as working on things together, being there for eachother at all times, good, bad, easy, difficult. We made a decision, a commitment, to see if this relationship would lead to marriage, that when things were difficult we would try our best to work it out…to see if it could be worked out…and if it could, we would move forward, it it couldn’t we would try and recognize that even though we are both good people, certain things are deal breakers and we would move on. Respectfully.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:32am
92: Annie says:

mlc Rori says you have to decide if it feels ok to you early on if you want to share your man like this with ‘women’ friends and if it is a deal breaker or not.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:33am
93: mlc says:

in a letter i wrote him very early in our relationship, he wasn’t sure if it was only me he wanted to see, i said these exact words to him “I do not want to see you if you are dating other women. I do not want to share you with anyone.” Granted I was specifically speaking about dating…but give me a break here….we are all intelligent adults….I. Do. Not. Want. To. Share. I want my man and his support and his attention. I have platonic men friends. I don’t go around giving them emotional support when they need it. If you are in a committed exclusive relationship, it is inappropriate. I don’t want him being a shoulder for some other woman to lean on. He knows that.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:41am
94: Tam says:

Just as a side note. When I had just spent the weekend and night with a guy who was on the road to becoming my boyfriend….he left in the morning and as he got home logged straight onto the dating website.
I dumped him unceremoniously.
I just said ‘I don’t want a man who spends the night with me and hasn’t yet unpacked his stuff from spending a weekend together, searching out other women as soon as he gets in through the door’.
Now, if I hadn’t seen it and it had become a real and exclusive relationship and I had found out years later, that he was still active on dating websites, yikes, I believe I would walk out of hurt. And the feeling that I could not trust this person.
Not sure.
That is a really sore point for me as I feel this would be eradicating my self-esteem a la ‘why is he still searching, am I not good enough’.
It gives me the chills.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:43am
95: Tam says:

this was years ago btw…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:44am
96: Annie says:

I wouldn’t be able to tolerate that either mlc.

Completely different if it were our joint female friends and we both wanted to help.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:44am
97: Femininewoman says:

Well mlc if you were so clear on what you do not want then in my eyes the ball is in your court to act on that. You are not married. You are not living together. He has said he is angry and have basically withdrawn emotionally. It seems to me in such a situation I would be living my life until he contacts me and lets me know what he wants to do. Then I get to decide.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:45am
98: Tam says:

93 mlc, he violated your boundaries.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:45am
99: mlc says:

i actually intend to have a “come to Jesus” conversation with him this weekend. I just can’t live like this. If everything HAS to be spelled out for him, then I’m okay with that. I’ll do that. But certain things are absolutely deal breakers for me. I have to be able to trust him 100% to take protect me not only physically, but spiritually, emotionally as well. That’s what I want. I have been single and self sufficient for a very long time. I don’t need a man, I want a man. I want my man to be happy with himself and do what he needs to do to be happy, but I also want him to make sure he WANTS to put the well-being of the relationship FIRST. I would never ask him not to do something he really wanted to do. However, I do have a right to decide whether his behavior or actions are acceptable or not acceptable to me. If he isn’t completely honest with me, I don’t have the information I need to make that decision. Not fair.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:49am
100: new siren says:

FW Can you explain this to me…commitment and exclusivity are two different things?

I didnt know that and would like to learn more and it rings true for me because I am in an exclusive relationship but I dont know about commitment.

Thx:)

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:55am
101: mlc says:

96, 97, 98

I totally agree, mutual friends would be different. Friends he has had for years would be different.

He said he was angry, but we actually got past that in the one conversation we had when this all took place. Now he is fine, but I am the one who is angry…I am the one who is withdrawing and putting up a wall…and he has actually been very attentive as he always has been, but more so this past week. He senses something has changed with me. I do not want to let things go on this way. It’s not good for him and I still respect him…and it’s not good for me. That’s why I am going to lay it all out for him. This weekend will be a very difficult weekend for me.

Yes, he violated my boundaries…And frankly, I dont’ think they are unreasonable. He violated my trust.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:56am
102: Silver Moonbeam says:

Continuation of my post #59 messaging to long winded man:

“I feel bloody BORED reading long and boring copy and paste jobs that have nothing whatsoever to do with this here Sireny creature you have just contacted who you will even be lucky if she agrees to meet you, as I am the Yummy Pie, I am the air that you breathe and don’t forget to put me up their on that pedestal and keep me there!!”

*joke

Real one:

I feel turned off with long and copy and pasted messages, I prefer to meet people (men/dates??) for real (in real life??), here is my mobile xxxxxxxxxx,:

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:58am
103: Tam says:

(((mlc))) the only way is up from here. Believe me.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 11:59am
104: Silver Moonbeam says:

FW?

Starla?

Daria?

Help please, I am sooo not good at this messaging stuff.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:00pm
105: vixvette says:

i am feeling confused. I was married for 9 years to a man that had difficulty filling my needs. My marriage consisted of me paying for everything, feeling second to his ex-wife, his friends, and his children. I placed all my concentration on our children and eventually silenced my complaints. There were times that I begged him for assistance with the finances or simply to take me out, but it always fell on deaf ears. Eventually, because my self esteem was so low that I had an affair and admitted it to him. We tried marriage counseling but I was so hurt and angry from the past that I had difficulty opening up. I told him that I needed time and space and that we needed to go slow so that I could once again open up to him. This lasted about 2 weeks before he said he didn’t want to work on things anymore before he ended it and then I learned he was dating someone else. Which was odd that at the time, I didn’t mind.
I began circular dating attempting to build my own self esteem back. Three days ago, he returned wanting to work on our marriage. I am open to the idea, but feeling confused about him..
Can a man change after 9 years?? Could he be the man that I always wanted?? I feel so scared that I am going back to a life that kept me depressed and feeling unworthy.. I don’t know how to handle it or what to do.. he is coming full force. calling all the time. wanting to do things.. planning events.. and i am agreeing to these things,but I have not come to the conclusion why I am agreeing to it. Whether it is because I do want to work things out or because of our two younger daughters.. My heart is numb and I try to open it up to him, but it is difficult..

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:04pm
106: Smile says:

Yesterday I felt elated at the level of emotion in my conversation from strummingman, from both sides. I was in awe of what he wrote actually. I thought he’d been hanging out on the blog lol! Hs used I feel quite a lot!

He rung me again today. I noticed that I wasn’t as good at communicating with him on the phone as on text. It never feels ‘awkward’ it’s always relaxed but I don’t find it as easy to share my feelings as well. Probably because I don’t havd time to ‘edit’ my response.

I wonder what helps other sirens to ‘speak’ vulnerably, over the phone rather than texting. I’m ok with in person actually, facecto face as theres body language I can use too. It’s mainly on the phone. I feel comfortable with a little silence. I tried that tonight.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:12pm
107: Femininewoman says:

feel turned off with long and copy and pasted messages, I prefer to meet people (men/dates??) for real (in real life??), here is my mobile xxxxxxxxxx,:

I feel burned out on emailing, it would feel good to hear your lovely man voice. It would feel good to go on a date. What do you think?

I feel burned out on emailing. I want to meet people face to face. I don’t want to spend my time responding to long email messages. What do you think?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:16pm
108: Femininewoman says:

Smile for me it is not easy. I will go aaahh or say hhhmm give me a minute, then sink in.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:17pm
109: Femininewoman says:

Commitment is what you decide you want – marriage, live in situation headed to marriage. Only you can decide what you need to feel solid and secure in a relationship to communicate to the man and see if he can do it.

Exclusivity (in my eyes) – him having a full time girlfriend, he can show up when he wants, have a companion to sleep, go out with etc. without necessarily the perks of a fully committed relationship. In a fully committed relationship I get to fully surrender because I know he is not going anywhere and does not want to go anywhere outside the relationship.

This is a nutshell view from my eyes but Rori has written an article about it that hopefully someone can post.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:22pm
110: Willow says:

I thought I’d formally say hi to everything. I’m new-ish around here and really enjoy Rori’s blog and programs. They’ve helped me alot. So, hiya folks

As to Maria’s letter… it doesn’t feel good. I get this intuitive kind of feeling that says “clingy” and “dependent.” Money is very complicated and individual. I live with a man in a committed relationship and I was financially secure when we met. We made a decision as a couple for me to stop working and finish college. I have my own money still, my own bank account, buy my own things, pay my own bills and tuition, and I pay common household bills according to what we agreed. But it’s not 50/50. But it works because we made a decision together on it that we were both comfortable with. I’m sure the same kind of deal occurs when a couple has a child and one parent stays home.

So it’s not the money I’m thinking about.

I think she does need to work to have something that’s all hers and to work on being independent. I think she needs to get out alot more and continue on with her life. If the guy is going to step up and be part of it and commit, he will. Or he won’t. She’ll know and she’ll also know he did it because he wanted to, not because she talked him into it or because he relented to her questioning. Asking questions doesn’t get you anywhere, especially since he doesn’t seem to have established that emotional intimacy with Maria that would allow him to open up and talk. He’s sleeping in another room now. Does that not speak volumes?

I think Maria needs to work on getting independent in all senses of the word. This guy may not step up and be her One and it’s devastating to lose both your source of financial security and your relationship all at once. That’s hard to recover from.

After thinking about her relationship, I feel small. And tighter through the solar plexus. I feel like I just spent the last 10 minutes trying to walk on eggshells. I feel like I need space too. It would feel good to hear Maria say she has expanded her horizons in life and made space for HERSELF from this guy. That feels looser and freer.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:23pm
111: Smile says:

Vixvette, I’ve reposted a few times an article about when an ex shows up and what Rori suggests you do? It reminded me of your situation. I can’t find it again…. Feeling frustrated! I wonder if any other sirens know which one I mean…?

ViXvette, have you shared your feelings with him?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:28pm
112: Femininewoman says:

Tip #2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed
We become totally, emotionally invested in a man when we’re exclusive with him because he has all our time and attention. There’s no way we can stop wondering about where the relationship is going. But the more we think about it and talk about it, the more we push a man away.

http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/3-ways-make-him-fall.html

When you can think of it in these terms, it’s easier to keep your options open and keep your personal power in the relationship. Rather than talking about the relationship or threatening him with ultimatums, you can continue to keep your options open by dating other men. This way, you keep your class, your power, your boundaries, and he has to work to get you!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:28pm
113: Femininewoman says:

Hi Willow

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:31pm
114: Smile says:

Yes FW making a noise like that would feel good whilst I search out my feelings.
I will keep practising but I’m ‘aware’ so that feels good.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:31pm
115: Femininewoman says:

Can a man change after 9 years??

Most definitely but he has to want that and the change has to begin from inside him, is what I believe. He can be inspired by changes he sees in you.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:33pm
116: Femininewoman says:

My heart is numb and I try to open it up to him, but it is difficult..

I would tell him this and that I want to take things slowly because I now want a lot more than what we had now that I want to feel adored and cherished.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:35pm
117: Smile says:

Fw114

Dominique’s healing a mans heart through yours!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:35pm
118: Smile says:

Hi willow!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:36pm
119: new siren says:

Thank you FW….I feel like I am not good at Rori Ray, arghhh. I am good at recieving and not over functioning in terms of money and such but I am terrible about leaning forward to call and text! What is wrong with me?Its like I am compelled to reach out and I absolutely cant seem to stop…plesae help, please

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:36pm
120: Silver Moonbeam says:

Thanks so much FW still working on it LOL!! xxx

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:36pm
121: new siren says:

Also I feel sooo jelous and insecure like I should check in all the time

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:38pm
122: vixvette says:

Thank you smiles.. I would like to find rori’s posting about when he returns.. I have told him my feelings and he informed me he understood and was scared himself.. I am unsure how I feel about him because I have been so hurt by him..

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:38pm
123: Femininewoman says:

This weekend will be a very difficult weekend for me.

Is this what you really want? I would experiment with setting an intention of just speaking my truth from a place of strength even if my strength shows through crying. Difficult for me feels like slogging through mud or slogging through a fight that I will lose so I ask myself do I or anyone else have to lose. Or is it that you intend to walk away from the relationship?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:38pm
124: Femininewoman says:

What is wrong with me? is also one of my NVs and limiting beliefs that I have been working on changing. Nothing is wrong with me. I am perfect as I am. I radically and unconditionally accept myself.

new siren I hope I can inspire you to change and believe in yourself.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:40pm
125: new siren says:

Thank you FW I hope so too…I just feel lost

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:44pm
126: mlc says:

123

It will be an uncomfortable conversation, not warm and fuzzy…knowing I must have this conversation is what’s difficult. I do intend to lay it out my boundaries for him and tell him if he can’t be truly happy accepting them, then we need to move on without each other. Yes, I am ready to walk away from something if it is can’t be what i need it to be and what he needs it to be without compromising our boundaries and our “must haves” in the relationship. I understand that sometimes for the greater good of the relationship that we need to compromise…but if you can’t compromise without becoming resentful, it won’t work. I want peace, happiness, security, excitement, support, encouragement…all the things I’m willing to give.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:45pm
127: Smile says:

Can a man change after 9 years?…

From dominique

Lifting your spirits, opening your eyes in awe and wonder, blossoming your heart really big, can and will create huge transformations not only in YOU but also in YOUR MAN.

As you are working to heal your wounds around love by giving yourself the chance to expand and feel more and in different ways, your man also gets to heal through your heart within the luscious space you’ve created and as a result, he will likely begin to morph into more of what you’ve been wanting all along. But since you’ve released expectations, it will come as a joyous surprise.

When you start feeling really good within yourself and around WHAT IS, creating a warm and inviting place for your man to to be himself with you and feel completely accepted by you just as he is, you may very well discover that what he has to give you is much more than you maybe realized, full of all kinds of wonderfulness you hadn’t noticed before. You may very well find that HE IS your “THE ONE”, one maybe beyond your wildest dreams.

These seemingly small adjustments are HUGE, relationship restoring, life changing. If there is any hesitation in a man, even though he knows deep down you are his one and only woman, this will dispel it.

The more you are able to take care of YOU, taking your focus off of him, loving yourself more and more, the more your man will be inspired to be YOUR man, if he truly is that special man FOR YOU. He will feel your calm, your peace, your open, receiving heart. He will want to join you for the ride and heal through your glorious heart.

When you find ease within your body, when you find you within your heart, when you are able believe with all you have that the man of your dreams is right there, when you can love and appreciate each and every moment with awe and wonder, even if your man isn’t physically there for you yet, HE WILL SHOW UP, for who could resist this newly emerged irresistible YOU.

xxoo

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:48pm
128: Femininewoman says:

I do intend to lay it out my boundaries for him and tell him if he can’t be truly happy accepting them, then we need to move on without each other

mlc – I feel really constricted and tight reading this. It feels like pressure and an ultimatum. Maybe other ladies will respond. My boundaries are for me so I don’t lay it out for anyone. Plus I feel resistant to “telling” a man. I prefer to share my preferences and the things I will allow in my life. I understand where you are coming from and hope I don’t come across as critical. I don’t want to be resentful either and hope that if I recognize that feeling in myself I will be able to share it in a non-blaming way.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:53pm
129: Silver Moonbeam says:

“I feel burned out on messaging, it would feel good to hear your lovely man voice. It would feel good to go on a date. What do you think?”

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:54pm
130: Silver Moonbeam says:

“I feel burned out on messaging, it would feel good to hear your lovely man voice. It would feel good to go on meet. What do you think?”

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:54pm
131: Silver Moonbeam says:

DAMMIT!!

“I feel burned out on messaging, it would feel good to hear your lovely man voice. It would feel good to meet face to face. What do you think?”

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 12:56pm
132: Heart says:

Silver moonbeam…I may be wrong but I’m sensing a stronger emotion under your words…not really burned out …but maybe not special or un cared for…maybe u could include that…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:02pm
133: Femininewoman says:

Despite previous reports denying her engagement to Nick Gordon, Bobbi Kristina Brown has officially confirmed the couple’s commitment to one another.

During the trailer for her family’s forthcoming October 24 Lifetime reality series “The Houstons: On Our Own,” the 19-year-old is seen professing her love for her adopted brother and announcing to the the world, “We’re engaged.” in addition to admitting that she doesn’t like to be “without him.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/11/bobbi-kristina-brown-confirms-engagement-to-adopted-brother-nick-gordon_n_1958243.html?1349972733&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk1%26pLid%3D218741

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:02pm
134: Femininewoman says:

I agree with Heart

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:04pm
135: mlc says:

128

you do not seem critical at all, and i totally get what you are saying. i will absolutely present it in a loving and respectful manner. and i probably will cry but i am not a drama queen and won’t be hysterical. i must know for my own peace of mind exactly where we stand. and i need for him to know exactly what my boundaries are and what my deal breakers are. although we have talked about these things in various conversations we have had and i pretty much know his and he pretty much knows mine (and they really are no different from most everyone else’s). i just feel the need to be completely specific in light of the recent incident. I do not want to lose him. I love him. I respect him. But I also love and respect myself and there is a certain relationship I’m looking for. If I am tied up in one that isn’t (perhaps because I haven’t been clear, but i really don’t believe that) or more importantly CANT give me what I want, then i need to move on…as sad as it will make me to be without him.

Plus, (and this is important) I do not want to go through a deployment (which i have no experience with, but i do know that there will be very limited communication) investing my time, energy and emotions, wondering where this is going and feeling insecure. Especially if we are not on the same page, which up until last week i totally thought we were.

Does that make any sense?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:04pm
136: Femininewoman says:

It might even be best just to drop the conversation

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:04pm
137: Femininewoman says:

oi – i probably will cry but i am not a drama queen and won’t be hysterical.

This feels like self criticism

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:06pm
138: Silver Moonbeam says:

#131 Heart

How would I word that in a FM? His message one to me was great and spiralled downwards from thereon in……

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:07pm
139: mlc says:

136

do you mean me? just forget it?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:08pm
140: Starla says:

i feel powerless to be helpful here today

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:08pm
141: mlc says:

i’m not being self-critical….people are who they are. i just know that being really dramatic and hysterical doesn’t really accomplish much so it doesn’t work for me.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:09pm
142: Goddess Lily says:

I have procrastinated this whole day away. I feel low energy. This happens when I have to do something difficult. I have to update my resume and submit it by tomorrow night. Haven’t done a darn thing today. I also have to study to not be more behind schedule. Still sitting here. And my hair is dirty. I just feel useless today.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:12pm
143: Femininewoman says:

SMB I just reread. I would not assume cut and paste. It read to me like someone still jaded and hurt from a previous relationship. I would use Starla’s suggestion. If he wants to connect he will want you to decode then you can let him know you felt disconnected as if his messages to you were cut and paste, is what I believe I would do.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:14pm
144: Femininewoman says:

No mlc I meant it for SMB. Sorry for my lack of directness

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:15pm
145: Silver Moonbeam says:

#143 FW

Thank you for your reply but honestly I am so out of the loop I don’t understand what you are saying……….sorry for being a pain……….can you please elaborate……

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:15pm
146: mlc says:

144

i want you to know i value your opinion so much. it is so helpful to sort everything out here.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:17pm
147: Femininewoman says:

mlc it felt that way for me reading about crying and not being a drama queen like in the same breath.

Regarding the deployment, it just seems to me that maybe getting clear on whether you can or even want a LDR is what the underlying focus should really be. Maybe you don’t want that or already know that you can’t? Or is it that you have had a bad experience in a previous LDR?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:18pm
148: Smile says:

Oo it feels great to tap my procrastination away.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:19pm
149: Femininewoman says:

SMB you said earlier that his mails sounded cut and paste. To me it doesn’t. He seems to be letting off steam about someone/something else and projecting it. So I would use Starla’s suggestion.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:20pm
150: Femininewoman says:

mlc – Sometimes asking ourselves some tough questions help us to become clear.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:21pm
151: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((((Goddess Lily))))))))))))))
I am that way with filling forms. I hate doing them.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:22pm
152: Femininewoman says:

Rori I feel curious about why this article is on the monthly interview series. Is there an interview about creating space?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:24pm
153: Smile says:

I wonder why my tapping away procrastination link was moderated?
Rori sent me an email saying it was okay to post a link? Maybe it’s just this one?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:25pm
154: Smile says:

I’m procrastinating too and only just realised lol.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:27pm
155: mlc says:

147

i understand. i feel like i have good self esteem…it’s somethign i consciously work on.

regarding the deployment, it’s not that i can’t or don’t want to. if we are both on the same page as to where this relationship is headed, if we were still committed to seeing if this could work out and become a marital situation, then i am all in…100%

however, if he is telling me that he is 100% committed and wants to continue on the path we are on, but still intends to continue developing these faux internet friendships with people he met when he was signed up for an online dating service, then i don’t think it would be fair to me since tht behavior makes me feel insignificant and insecure.

if our relationship is as important to him as he says it is, then i think he should have enough respect for me and our relationship to discontinue this behavior without being resentful, IF it is something he wants to continue growing. i need an answer to that question.

he needs to get his fingers out of the honey pot.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:27pm
156: Femininewoman says:

mlc you seem quite clear on what you want.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:29pm
157: Goddess Lily says:

So I shall procrastinate a little more….

Last night’s mixer:

I went with my guy friend. I feel glad I did. I was playing wing woman instead of feeling open and inviting. I wasn’t really interested in anyone and I felt disappointed. We realized quickly we would have to separate though….but not before we met another nice woman who we may hang out with later. I ended up tag teaming with her for some of the night. She and I talked to some nice guys. They struck up some funny conversation about the art. The night was looking up. They invited over their wing women which was fun for a bit but then new girl wanted to continue to roam so we did.

This is where it gets interesting. We went to the bathroom. On the way out I see the guy that I thought was angling for me at the beginning of the night. I had spent the majority of the beginning of the evening telling my friend why this guy was not for me. I wasn’t interested then but I thought this is my chance to be open. So new girl left me to talk to this guy. His opening line was “You have a big bladder!” Apparently he was waiting for me to go to the bathroom all night so he could corner me away from my friend. Not a big deal, I remained open. He sounded kind of stupid though, I attributed that to the alcohol, remained open. Then he told me he could tell I was interested in him. Felt turned off, tried to stay open. Then he told me he smokes. I do not smoke and this is a deal breaker. Still I stuck around. Then he told me about this bar that I should try….that he then later said he was kicked out of for 30 days. Now I was looking for a way out. Luckily new girl showed up and rescued me.

What I learned from this man:

1. I need to practice feeling messages, especially in those times when I’m not interested. I could’ve easily said “I feel turned off.”

2. I need to be more careful about what I share. I’m too forthcoming about personal details.

3. Perhaps figure out when enough is enough learn when to leave.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:31pm
158: Simply Goddess says:

Woo late night of work only getting in at 9pm.. Back in in the morning..

Anyway.. I replied to facebook status comment just saying ‘I might treat myself ’ last night.. Today I received a message to my phone from him saying “You’re not going to be wanting to move in with me if you are getting a new car will you”
I replied that “It’d feel good getting a car but it would be good to speak before I make any decisions about anything”

He replied “Get a car then if you want.. May even be able to get one of your facebook perverts to get you one”

I havent replied.. He put on his twitter earlier “Kinda happy right now!”

Hmph! He really does confuse me…

Anyone anything that might make me feel better? haha xx

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:33pm
159: Goddess Lily says:

Tam,

Can you send me some latin lovers?

My appeal is apparently waning on match.com. I’m only attracting men outside my age range and locality.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:35pm
160: Starla says:

Ladies, Simply Goddes, et al….

I would really suggest not looking at a man’s twitter or facebook account if you find yourself analyzing/saying things to yourself or your girlfriends that start with “on his twitter/fb he said…”

give yourself the gift of peace. the world will keep on turning even if you don’t witness it on their facebooks/twitters

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:36pm
161: Femininewoman says:

Goddess Lily Lesson No 4.

Maybe men are more comfortable approaching us when we are alone. So under such circumstances look for opportunities to lean back against a wall alone.

Lesson No. 5 “Then he told me he could tell I was interested in him.”

Men can smell/tell when we are focussed on them. Even if it is in or minds or in a negative way.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:38pm
162: Femininewoman says:

When I think of FB I think stalker so I stopped checking that. As a matter of fact I recently deactivated my account to register a message to my psyche.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:41pm
163: Heart says:

Smb – ooooh I just read your post explaining it all….

Gosh….It Does Sound very Copy and Paste..and he seems …um
like he has Issues or sumting.

I would just say: I feel disconnected with text messaging. I wsnt to feel special. I would much rather hear you voice. What do you think?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:46pm
164: Goddess Lily says:

Is this site different in different countries? I see no where to change my little picture and I’m pretty sure I have never seen anything about being moderated.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:49pm
165: Heart says:

Simple Goddess – wow he sounds like he’s jealous of ur FB male friends..

Wonder if CudG is jealous of my guy friends that post on my FB…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:51pm
166: Goddess Lily says:

161 – FW – you are correct. I just wasn’t ready to fly on my own. I also learned that I could’ve easily left and looked at the art myself. I was so busy looking at the men that I didn’t even notice it. Also correct on number 5, I couldn’t even disagree with him totally because I had been noticing him even if it was to be telling myself what I don’t want.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:52pm
167: Smile says:

Goddess lily you can add a picture. Something like gravatar.
I just googled it. Pretty simple to upload. Also there are trigger words that Rori doesn’t let through. Mostly around swearing! You can’t copy a full email from another relationship coach due to copyright but you can copy a bit of it and put a link.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:54pm
168: Smile says:

My heart feels all glittery tonight 
I feel sky blue inside

Today I imagined a ring on my finger. I glanced down and looked at my ring finger as I changed gear in my car.
I’m worthy of good things
I’m sparkling on the inside, I want to sparkle on the outside too!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 1:59pm
169: Simply Goddess says:

So you think hes jealous?
I dunno what to reply.. I feel Im being quite calm and easy going and he stumps me with his replies everytime..

Also doesnt make me want to talk when hes saying how ‘happy’ he is right now.. just when hes not seeing his gf.. no b

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:04pm
170: MissStix says:

Starla 140

Me too.

Actually…It’s more like totally un-interested. It feels frustrating and like pressure in my head just reading.

There is desperation and resistance ooozing off the pages.

I feel really b!tchy too so that doesn’t help…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:06pm
171: Smile says:

Vixvette,

I found it. Over on the right hand side click the link livers to friends and back again. The article I referred to was called what to do when an old love calls
http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:07pm
172: Tam says:

Goddess Lily. Come to Florida!!
I am off for happy hour with one of my gf’s..I have been rescued from a night in..ha!!
Laters
xx

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:10pm
173: Heart says:

Simply Goddess – yea…that comment about the FB pervs…
what was that about? …so unnecessary…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:13pm
174: Goddess Lily says:

I’d love to visit Florida. Never been to Miami. I’ve actually been warned I’m not hot enough to survive in Miami (or Atlanta for that matter) and I would need to step my game up.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:14pm
175: MissStix says:

Gross. Men who say what they don’t mean and don’t mean what they say…

Not worth an ounce of goddess energy. Not worth one word from her mouth. She speaks what she means. She has no need to even respond to false words. What is the point?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:18pm
176: Annie says:

“128: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

I do intend to lay it out my boundaries for him and tell him if he can’t be truly happy accepting them, then we need to move on without each other

mlc – I feel really constricted and tight reading this. It feels like pressure and an ultimatum. Maybe other ladies will respond. My boundaries are for me so I don’t lay it out for anyone. Plus I feel resistant to “telling” a man. I prefer to share my preferences and the things I will allow in my life. I understand where you are coming from and hope I don’t come across as critical. I don’t want to be resentful either and hope that if I recognize that feeling in myself I will be able to share it in a non-blaming way.”

Yes I feel in agreement FW it’s an ultimatum.
Are you able to reverse it? Have you Roris love scripts?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:22pm
177: Simply Goddess says:

Maybe if guys have liked a status on my facebook? I don’t know..

I don’t understand him..

What would I reply to something like that? I know the answer is nothing? However I feel we’re getting nowhere..

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:23pm
178: Siren Angel says:

Simply Goddess,

I believe he is being childish, and acting a little jealous/hurt. Maybe time for a heart to heart.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:27pm
179: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi SMB,

I feel inspired to test drive some possible fm’s for your situation.

“I have mixed feelings. I felt very intrigued by your messages initially and now I am feeling unsure. I’m finding that I feel disconnected at times in this online dating world and unsure who is for real and who isn’t. Do you have any ideas for how to develop a real connection in this setting?”

ooooooh, that feels interesting. I feel tingly just writing it.

Thanks for the opportunity to practice. It feels so much easier when I don’t have a personal charge behind it.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:27pm
180: Starla says:

hi laughing goddess:)

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:30pm
181: Laughing Goddess says:

I’m feeling sort of excited and a little overwhelmed by a conversation I just had with my guy.

I tend to forget everything I have learned about fm’s and such when we are in the heat of the moment. And predictably enough, the conversations usually don’t end up as I would like.

But the last two times we have had a heated discussion, at some point I have remembered to check in with my emotions and express fm’s and it is remarkable the difference that it makes.

Wow wow wow!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:31pm
182: MissStix says:

Simply goddess

If you think you are getting nowhere, maybe you are feeling stuck?

I don’t think the ambushing behavior and disrespectful comments are even worth a reply. It will just perpetuate that nonsense.

How do you feel right now? Without thinking…Just feeling.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:31pm
183: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi Starla!

I wanted to say that I loved reading about your dancing studio idea. Sounds really exciting!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:32pm
184: Laughing Goddess says:

Simply Goddess:

what comes to mind reading about his fb comment is how Rori talks about facilitating their anger.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:34pm
185: Daria says:

so Rihanna is back dating Chris Brown and might even marry him

I could tell she still had the hots for him. I hope they both have learned better ways to communicate than beating each other up.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:38pm
186: Tam says:

FB triggered me again. Rah….grrrr….hrmpf…some people just really fancy themselves..and men need to egg them on also.
What is that bringing up for me. Do I not fancy myself enough to put one million bikini pictures out there sayin ‘half the world has seen them’ and feeling full of myself.
Nah. Pff.
My body is better than that of a 55 year old…but I wouldn’t represent myself like that. No.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:44pm
187: Starla says:

thanks, lg:)

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:51pm
188: Laughing Goddess says:

ohhhhh, I feel sad reading references to age. I feel sad for sirens who are that age mentioned, lest they feel somehow made wrong or less than and I feel a bit ……hmmm, can’t think of the word……maybe grouchy because it’s all relative in the sense that what’s young to one person might seem old to another.

awwww, hugging my triggered little girl and hoping that I can still be present and loving to myself even if I feel triggered and scared of being attacked or misunderstood.

Wishing that human communication was less painful feeling sometimes.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:52pm
189: Simply Goddess says:

I feel confused.. Is the distance and taking time apart benefitting us at all or bringing us farther apart..
I feel a little anxious and worried that he doesn’t seem to care as the space doesn’t seem to have made him ‘step up’ ..also worried he might take interest in other women seen as I don’t talk to him anymore..
I feel hopeful he is jealous and hurt and it’s a step in the right direction..

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:55pm
190: Simply Goddess says:

LG – What is facilitating anger? Any articles? xx

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:55pm
191: Daria says:

ouch

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:57pm
192: Daria says:

Daria you rock and if you want to put bikini pictures out and present yourself that way you ARE SACRED AND SEXY !

i love all these triggers!

learning to validate me, keep voting for me!

Thank you for the trigger!

I actually feel empowered and i feel surprised i don’t feel angry or judgemental wow

giglleee that feels delicious! im healing

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 2:59pm
193: Daria says:

my moms body is still killin mine tho!

ok no its not. thyre just both sacred and sexy

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 3:02pm
194: Daria says:

when i have some kids my hips will widen and my butt will get even more bigger and delish like mamis

i feel sooo happy about that

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 3:03pm
195: Daria says:

im feeling bomb cuz my spine feels all flexibble now and that feels sooooo good and im doing all these snake moves and laughing feeleing ONNNn

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 3:24pm
196: Daria says:

im loving planetary warming i trust my big mama earth

and remembering when i get back to the bay it might feel real cold eeeek i dont want to feel cold on holloween still want a slick body suit that really holds warmth i know they out there

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 3:27pm
197: Laughing Goddess says:

SG: This one is about facilitating our own anger and it’s exactly what I needed to read today. I finally feel like I can take a deep breath.

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/why-anger-is-the-key-to-lovefking-him-wrong/

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:04pm
198: Laughing Goddess says:

Ohhhhh, I feel really happy to be reminded of this…

You explode because that’s your habit.

Because you only KNOW the cycle of stuff, then explode.

I want you to learn something new – to:

1. Catch what you’re feeling.

2. Say out loud – to yourself – to the mirror, to your journal – what you feel in words.

3. Realize that underneath the feeling you speak are more feelings – under anger is pain, and fear, and guilt…

4. Know that those feelings will always be there, that they morph, and revolve – and that you cannot always resolve everything that ever caused you trauma and pain, and you cannot always make sense of everything that happens in your life.

5. Know that the important thing is what you DO with those feelings.

6. The most important thing is to not allow them to RUN you – but allow them to speak to you.

7. And then – turn your attention, your focus, your energy on the good and pleasant and pleasurable feelings that are inside you, too – right next to the ugly and terrifying ones!

Right next to guilt is forgiveness. Right next to fear is bliss. Right next to rage is your funny bone.

There’s no end to how you can move from feeling bad to feeling good WITHOUT having to RELEASE all the pent-up energy into the world, and onto other people.

You can do it all just by following these baby-steps – and being vigilant about it.

If you catch your feelings early – and ATTEND to them – you can tell them that you love them and that they will not run you, that you are choosing to believe the good feeling thoughts that create the good feeling feelings for now.

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/exploding-anger-and-how-to-deal-with-getting-triggered/

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:14pm
199: Siren Angel says:

Yesterday, I had to go get an new medicare card because I lost mine. The woman just before me went to the counter and she was making some information change. She was in her good 70′s. She was explaining to the woman behind the counter that she needs to make information changes because she was married last week.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:19pm
200: Daria says:

Thank you baby for being gentle with me

Thank you for brushing my hair

Thank you for creating teh new sacred pattern to massage my head and brush

thank you for listening to healing music and breathing and dancing mmmmmmm

i LOVE You

i love how you care for me

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 4:42pm
201: Heart says:

Sirens – oh no! I just realized I have feelings for CudG….Ick….
nooooooooo

and now he’s gone.

Do you think I’ll hear from him again?
It’s been 16 days…
wow….so long.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:02pm
202: Daria says:

why touching our deepest parts gets us in touch with the masculine, and the wounded parts of ourselves… a bellydance way

“In her thesis on oriental dance Keti has researched old myths focused on the theme of descent and has related them to women’s growth today. She explains that these mythical stories once associated with belly dancing are resurfacing partially because their spiritual significance are only now being revealed.

In one Babylonian myth the goddess Ishtar descends into the underworld to reclaim her dead husband. During her descent she meets seven tests and has to pass through seven gates . At each gate she sheds a metaphorical veil like a piece of jewellery, or her beauty, or her wealth.

She ultimately uses the power of seduction to tempt her way through the gates but while she is shedding each veil she is also surrendering her attachments It is when she is fully naked revealing her true essence that she can then finally rescue her husband or reclaim her masculine side. It is only after this reunion that an alchemical marriage of balance can then take place.

As women we can lso make this descent into self awareness where we shed the veils that protect ourselves, which are inherently the veils of self forgetting. Only when we are stripped and completely vulnerable can we express the raw potency of our womanhood. If we consciously choose this initiation then we must be prepared to lose everything, to stand in our bare essence, and in doing so then reclaim our powerful masculine side.

In the Greek tradition this same initiation was taken by Demeter a mother goddess of the grain. In one version of the myth Demeter like Ishtar also descends into the underworld but this time the descent is made to save her child not her husband. Her maiden daughter Persephone is abducted to the underworld by Hades. Demeters’ motherly instincts drive her to unbridled grief over her loss and during this time the earth becomes barren. Nothing grows, nothing is reborn.

Eventually the father god Zeuss forces Hades to release Persephone and the earth’s abundance is finally restored. Once again there is the suggestion that it is only through this descent into the darkness that the lost child/maiden aspect of ourselves can be reclaimed.”

http://www.yoni.com/healerf/belly.shtml

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:31pm
203: ReceivingGirl says:

Hi Sirens! Stopping in to say hello. I have 11 days left for my school and have 4 assignments and the final to go. It’s crunch time and I can’t wait until this stressor is out of my life!

I told Mr. Observant how I appreciate his support with my school. He asked me if I was being facetious. For a split second, I felt a little offended, but then I felt sad. Jabber is often sarcastic towards him and I don’t think he knows what it feels like to be appreciated. I think he’s so used to being treated that way, he expects it.

I told him that I was being serious. He asked me what he has done to be supportive. I told him he keeps telling me I can do it, is positive and he gives me the time I need to study without interrupting me. I told him I really appreciate that. Then he said, anything for my girl!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:35pm
204: Tam says:

Rrrrrrr…argh…..I feel mad. I feel totally mad and angry and sad and I want to lash out.
How *dare* you reach out to other women and not me. How dare you. You could have this Princess and instead you sit at home and comment on wrinklies who like to draw attention to themselves.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I feel so turned off.
I just looked at myself in the mirror and said: ‘yeah’
Perhaps you are not stepping up because you think I am ‘too good’ for you.
Like the song you sent me where the last line is ‘but it’s time to face the truth, I will never be with you’
And no, you won’t be because you make zero effort.
And my phone is buzzing with all those that hardly know me but make lots more effort than you, my so-called friend.
Feck the friend
Rrrrrr
Sorry Ladies, it had to come out. Better here than elsewhere.
I feel very high value now. And I will block him now.
Cheers.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:49pm
205: Daria says:

yay Daria you’re taking me to bed… i love you!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:50pm
206: Daria says:

ouch

i love the judgemental me

i love the numb me

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:51pm
207: Daria says:

i love the sinking me

i love teh angry me

i love the depressed me

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:52pm
208: Daria says:

i love my anger! i feel you stirring baby

its ok to come out ! im here for you1

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:53pm
209: Tam says:

I feel it’s time to close a chapter in my life in order to open a new one. I was a different person full of self-loathing and I have changed and yes, it turned some people off (I suppose) but good riddance.
The rest of my life starts now.
I am rooting for me.
And I am rooting for those that root for me.
And my lovely real friends who are there for me through thick and thin. They don’t come and go. They are there.
Time to get real/

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:55pm
210: Tam says:

I love my anger too, because it is sincere.
I am sincere.
I am not here today and gone tomorrow, I am a forever girl. For my friends and my lovers and everyone. If they respect me and my boundaries.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:57pm
211: Daria says:

uhoh more!

more being hit more numbeness

i love my hitting

i love my totally disrespectful dont even care and refuse to look at myself even if i bother others self

i love my anger!

i feel really pist at women called names. I dont want to see put downs of other women when i’m practicing healing that in myself

i feel like warring

i love my warring self

i feel my head getting hot

yay! thanks for coming out anger

i love you!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:58pm
212: Daria says:

thank you for the trigger ladies

i feel really angry and blameful and i love my angry and blameful self

mmmmmggghhhmmm coooiing sounds yumm

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 5:58pm
213: Daria says:

i dont want…

i feel unsure

i Do feel glad to feel thsi anger and choosing it to mean im healing

i dont want to feel numb and angry

and i do want to feel numb and angry and love the feelings and embrace all of me

im not sure what i dont want

i dont want to see women put down

i dont want to see beings put down

I dont want to put beings down

wow

i feel surprised

my anger has ‘escaped’ hehehe now that i wrote that

i feel pulsing in my lower back head

and ‘silent’

and tight aroudn my teeth

rarrgh

i love my biting power

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:05pm
214: Daria says:

i dont want to close my heart!

aha

yay healings

i love the part of me that turns against other women in a man’s life

i love the part of me that compares myself to them

i love teh part of me that teams up with him to fight and put them down

ohhh that feels scary and triggering

i feel tight around my lower spine

i love my lower spine

i love my smile

i love this Depth im feeling

mhhmmmhhh

hhhhhh

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:07pm
215: Daria says:

wow it is totally ok for these men to be with other women!

whoa i did not expect this kinda power in me to shift on this

hhffhhh?!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:08pm
216: Daria says:

this has nothing to do with me!

i accept men who come to me!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:08pm
217: ReceivingGirl says:

@mlc

I can understand where you are coming from, but I also feel emotional support to a real friend would be okay. I want to be with a man who has no intention of being unfaithful to me. I would like to believe he could provide emotional support to a female friend without crossing any lines. I know I could do the opposite with a male friend. I think it is either a person’s character or it isn’t. I want to have that kind of trust in a relationship.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:09pm
218: Daria says:

i feel teary

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:09pm
219: Starbright says:

Silver Moonbeam,

In my humble opinion, I would say he is a scam artist.

I have had many similar types of posts. And, what I see are men who are overly romantic from the start, have grammatical errors that don’t seem to fit their educational backgrounds or just overall seem inconsistent throughout their posts, feel like cut and paste and overly praising god.

Having only one of these three in a post would not necessarily make me think he was a scammer. I find that they seem to have all three in the very first post.

One way to check further is to share feelings in a way that is very local. For instance I had a guy just the other day who fit the above yet was more subtle than most. I said something like:

“I’m feeling cool today with the drop in temperature. It will feel good once I start drinking my hot cup of tea and warming up…”

He replied with:

“Oh, yes it is cold over there.”

And, he had listed in his profile that he was in my hometown.

When I replied “Over where?”

A long reply came about how he was overseas working to help the people…with many more grammatical errors and it just didn’t make sense.

When I wrote a feeling message about my highschool and asked him about his…he said he’d grown up in Australia and yet was listed as a native american…

There didn’t seem to be any u.s.a affiliations after all.

Anyhow, I would mix up the feeling messages with things that only a person in that area would know (if he lists he lives in your area.) You will find out very soon that way…

Good luck!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:14pm
220: Laughing Goddess says:

SG: Here’s the one I was looking for

http://www.coachrori.com/articles/newsletter/Anger-Management-2–What-To-Do-When-Hes-the-Angry-One.4.html

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:15pm
221: LoveAlways says:

“Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener. I’m not asking you to ignore him – I’m asking you to focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent.”

This feels so warm and soft Rori!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:15pm
222: Laughing Goddess says:

here’s another one

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/when-hes-mad-at-you-is-he-just-mad-at-himself/

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:17pm
223: ReceivingGirl says:

@105 Vixvette

Has it been 9 years since you broke it off? I was a little confused about that. I think some people can change if they realize what the problem was and if they want to. I wonder what are your reasons for considering it? It sounded like he didn’t provide you with what you need.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:17pm
224: Laughing Goddess says:

And here’s a small step to the solution: Unearth the anger iceberg by YOU changing YOUR reactions.

Now – this is not a lifestyle – you don’t want to be with a man who is constantly berating you or withdrawing from you where you have to be the one always “changing” – this is an experiment, a test, a learning experience – and the goal is to unearth the anger and learn to TOLERATE the experience of it.

Once you can get through surface stuff and into the rage that lies underneath – without all the arguing and fighting and nastiness that only uncovers a tiny part of the iceberg and actually DAMAGES a relationship – you’ll start to feel things loosen up and more affection, attention and love start to fill the space between you.

Instead of running away, or making an excuse for yourself or DEFENDING yourself – you want to:

1. Notice what’s going on with you.

Are you being run by fear? Do you want to run away? Do you want to hit him? Are you going numb? Are you determined to do whatever you have to to make peace and get his approval?

2. Speak the DEEPEST feeling you can find inside yourself.

That could be “I feel scared.” “I feel so angry.” “I feel turned off.”

When he questions you, just keep doing what you’re doing, saying your deepest feeling. If you have to put it in context, say “When I heard (you can repeat what he said here, or paraphrase it…just enough to let him know what you’re referring to…) – “I feel so tense…it felt awful…it feels scary..I felt like running…I feel like running…This doesn’t feel good to me…”

3. Stand your ground.

Don’t apologize for yourself, explain anything – and do not blame him, either.

Look him straight in the eye, as best you can. Lean back. You are not attacking, you are expressing.

What can you expect with doing it this way? All kinds of stuff will come up for you…

You’ll feel shaky, you’ll feel upset – and you’ll feel ANGRIER than you’ve ever felt! And what’s more…as YOU feel more comfortable with YOUR anger – so will he.

He’ll start to let you “have it.” He’ll start to let his anger out. And you have to be strong enough to hear anger and experience the ENERGY of anger – AS LONG AS IT’S NOT DIRECTED AT YOU!!

This means – the moment he turns it on YOU – you say “I’m happy to hear your feelings, even your anger, but I don’t want to feel attacked…” and if he doesn’t change his words and copy what you’re doing (expressing his feelings instead of blaming YOU)…then you must TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY…!

When this happens, and emotions start to surface, I know it’s tough – but, actually – it’s fabulous!!! You are starting to communicate in a way that is triggering YOURSELF and your stuffed up and old feelings.

Now – all we have to do is get a routine down for how to handle your emotions when they bubble up…The more you tell him the truth, in feeling messages, the more you will feel that you don’t WANT to feel – otherwise you would have done this a long time ago.

Believe it or not – this is amazing PROGRESS. And – ALWAYS – the first emotion that shows up is ANGER.

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/unearth-the-anger-and-bring-on-the-intimacy/

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:22pm
225: Tam says:

Yikes, a lot of emotion came out today.
It needed to.
I was so happy earlier, under a pink sky, in a balmy night, with friends.
I don’t need any more people bolting on me. Before, I used to think it’s how life is/ Push/pull, hot/cold..that is how people are. That is how life is.
Now I know it is not.
It is just what I knew and what kept me in the cycle of neverending pain. F*ck that.
F*ck the cycle of pain that feels like love when it is just pain and nothing else.
I am so done with that.
I would never put myself through that again.
Never in a million years.
Happy, thank you, more please. More of the good stuff. The rest can go elsewhere.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:28pm
226: ReceivingGirl says:

@225 Tam

Amen to that!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:31pm
227: Tam says:

I am so done with the sh*t. This is never going to happen to me again. I learnt a valuable lesson and I hope you all learn from it too.
Never ever get stuck on a man who is ambivalent. You can be ambivalent, but if he is – get the h*ll out of there.
Just sayin’
I could have a greencard now. my life could be rosy and settled. Instead it all fell apart at the beginning of the year. Why? Because I made the wrong choice and I even KNEW I was making the wrong choice. I feel like a total idiot, but I forgive myself.
And I forgive the past that created this human being that I was. And there is no going back to that.
Never ever.
You know, on my last night I was here months ago, he was coming up to see me and stood me up last minute. And instead of saying ‘sorry’, he said this:
‘if you’d have said you’d be at the door in a t-shirt, then I would have been there’
- he made it my fault. Bollocks. Because he liked me in ‘T-Shirts’ and I am a dress girl. He wouldn’t have been there whatever I said because he was afraid of the intimacy the ‘last night’ would create. That’s all. I knew it then also. And I didn’t give him a hard time because I was doormat and ‘understanding’ Tam.
He actually stood me up, and then twisted it as if it was me who ‘made him’ do it.
I feel so angry with myself for being such a forgiving ‘friendly’ superficial woman when even at the time, I just wanted to say: thanks for letting me down the 100th time, and please don’t even contact me again.
All the good qualities apart, why did I stand for the crap? I don’t know.
Because of the friendship and the good stuff.
Well, if he doesn’t like my boundaries now, should he ever be back he is going to be whacked by so many boundaries that he won’t even be able to stand up straight anymore. And I don’t mean walls, I mean boundaries.
Hm.
Ok, I think it is all out now.
Thank you for letting me spam.
Cancerous tumor has been removed.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:45pm
228: Tam says:

phew. holy moly. that needed out.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:49pm
229: tipper says:

so… heres my nightmare.
at the end of june this year i was diagnosed with breast cancer. the man i have been with for 11 years and i have had problems in our relationship for the past 3 years. i always loved him but he was away from home 90 percent of the time because of where he worked so we drifted apart. we talked about separating , well he did. i didnt want to. then i was diagnosed with cancer and we stayed together and he has been with me through the whole cancer thing…. every doctor appointment and has never left me. but,,, we are not a couple. he loves me and i love him, the difference is i am still in love with him. he can’t commit to me right now because we have issues to deal with. he says who knows whats going to happen in the next 6 months. he wants to live his life and move on and see what happens, i can’t stay living with him. im scared he is with someone else when hes not home. there was a girl he became close to when we were having problems and he said he wanted to date her and see what happens but that was a while ago and im not sure when they have spent any time together because hes with me most of the time. i have decided to leave the area for a while and give each of us a break and for me to fix me. its killing me to leave him because i am so in love with him and i know he understands why i have to leave but hes sad although he wont admit it. my health comes first right now but my heart wants to be with him. i know we will always love each other and will always be a part of each others life. he holds my hand , hugs and kisses me all the time and we still sleep in the same bed, but he cant commit to me right now. im sad and confused and have to get away for a while, which im doing. we will talk every day and will skype all the time. my prayer is we will be a couple again soon.
Advice?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 6:54pm
230: Femininewoman says:

I feel giggly every time I see a man labelled as a spammer. I have been stood up the first date from a dating site. When he contacted me again he knew very early he was wasting his time. Another one recently was talking a mile a minute promising all kinds of things. I just leaned back and let him talk. Two calls and nothing since. It didn’t mean a thing to me.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:04pm
231: Heart says:

is Feeling sad and despondent
and loser-ish
and pine-y

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:09pm
232: Tam says:

I just feel like I vomited all over the blog, and still have spasms but it’s all out now. I feel exhausted, as one does but also cleansed.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:15pm
233: Starbright says:

Hmmm Femininewoman,

Not “spammer” but “scammer.”

A very good friend of mine got all caught up for a few weeks this past spring with such a guy. Not living like a siren at the time…but the final straw was an out of the country missed call from him…Anyhow I guess it can somewhat depend on if one is circular dating and doesn’t get her heart or finances too invested! Then giggle up a storm…

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:16pm
234: Tereana says:

Wow, cool. Whatever I did to help heal this “disappointment” problem worked great. Just today, I asked for something and was turned down, and I did NOT feel triggered or bad or disappointed. It was a totally new experience! And I didn’t take it personally, either.

I actually know exactly what I did for it, too. I got up this morning and I tapped on it – doing eft – like it was my job. Lol. I think it *was* my job. And it worked! : )

I feel so much better and on top of things, emotionally. I feel great!

I might do this more often, till it’s totally gone. Yay, free eft!! : )

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:19pm
235: Starbright says:

And anyone can giggle anytime she chooses.

Just felt a bit triggering to me…

As silver moonbeam had asked several times for feedback…

Practicing Feeling messages…great. Investing much of oneself…not so great.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:28pm
236: Heart says:

Wow…is feeling better now!
Yea…sinking into your feelings is great!

I trust that all ok…and something better is on his way.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:31pm
237: MissStix says:

Go tam!!

((((you))))

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:31pm
238: Tam says:

Thank you for holding my hair up Miss Stix

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:33pm
239: Butterfly wings says:

TH is gone for 3 weeks and I feel a teeny tinge of sadness, but overall I feel ok.

My baby comes home tonight and I am writing down a list of all of the things we are going to do.

Sunday will be my first night alone and I hope he’s thinking of me and sends me a message. That will feel good.

But I have lots of things I’m planning to do with my business so hopefully I’ll be too tired to care.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 7:58pm
240: Janie Baby says:

Hey Rori + ladies,
Background of my situation: Almost 2 years ago a good male friend (who had always been into me) confessed our feelings for each other and have been in a relationship ever since. For the first 8 months or so we were so in love and so obsessed with each other, but he was always so much more in love with me. We were best friends and we’d hang out every day and slept together almost every night. We would talk about marriage but we were only 20 and 21 at the time, so it was mostly fantasy. I was going to study abroad the next year in Europe and so he studied abroad for the fall semester but in a different country. We got together many times, and spent the holidays together. He was going back to the states in January and so we were gonna be apart for 6 months. We decided to break up, but we continued to talk all the time but then little by little communication decreased and he was always busy. I told him I needed more but then assumed we weren’t together and kissed someone else. he was very hurt and thought we were basically together. I came back to the states and things were different. He has more friends besides me. No girls, but hangs out with his guy friends alot. I was insecure and would cry because I felt like it was not the same as before. I got your ebook a few weeks ago, and since then, I’m trying to state my wants clearly with feeling messages, let go of my need to control, and I’m trying to find fun things to do for ME in my own life. He’s very busy now and works three jobs, but I can’t help but be hurt when tuesdays and thursdays he’d rather go to the bar with a male co worker than come over and sleep over with me. We stay at each other’s home like 3 times a week, and I feel sad that it’s not every night but at the same time we are only 22, so I don’t want to put pressure and I want to give the relationship time. I just feel myself getting upset and lonely even though I know he loves me when I’m with him and he calls me atleast every day and we see each other every other day or every 2 days. I just feel like its’ not enough but I’m too needy. any advice?

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:04pm
241: Rori Raye says:

Janie – you’re so young. If this is meant to be forever – it will be. In the meantime – enjoy the ride and get some professional help to weather the ups and downs. Love, Rori

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:09pm
242: Rori Raye says:

Welcome, tipper, and I’m so sorry for all your pain. Moving out and starting to date other men is one thing – if you’re moving to where this becomes a long distance relationship (even 45 minutes by car is long) then you’re adding another obstacle. The way you make a relationship work is one good, bonding moment at a time. If your relationship is now filled with pain and drama – it doesn’t work well. This is about you getting happy again feeling safe, and feeling strong. Do that however you need to – and if you really want to make this work – I would not move far away. I likely wouldn’t move at all, but just Circular Date and work on myself. Love, Rori

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:13pm
243: Miss Bells says:

#217
It depends on what kind of emotional support to an opposite sex friend. A phone call when they are in crisis? Perhaps. Bring them home for dinner if they had a big loss such as a death in the family? Am I allowed to be present for this meal? Is there secrecy?
BUT– I need to stay with my “friend” all evening alone because she’s lonely?? Not a chance!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:23pm
244: Miss Bells says:

It all depends on the type of contact. I don’t mind if HS talks to the female half of couples we socialize with. I don’t mind if they exchange the occasional email, or if they call and he answers the phone, or if they chat for awhile at a party.
This is different than a private secret relationship.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:25pm
245: Tereana says:

Emerson – from the last thread:

Of course the “disappointment” is/was a perception. But perception is always real to the perceiver. And it doesn’t matter, because I am talking about my little girl self here.

I feel all prickly and my shackles going up – like why would you doubt my experience???

Do you even know my childhood?!?

I feel mad. I want to yell. That is not fair to discount MY EXPERIENCE, when my experience was real for me. I don’t care what you say, and I don’t care about “perception” versus reality right now. It WAS the reality. I have a very GOOD perception. I perceived it because it was real and it was there, and I don’t doubt it in the least. I don’t doubt myself and my abilities.

I have the ability to take care of myself.

And anyway, I have moved on to other things….

[Sorry about having such strong emotion here. But you know what? I feel better for expressing myself....]

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 8:57pm
246: MissStix says:

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:09pm
247: Tereana says:

I have been disappointed by a man tonight – again. but it feels different. actually, that part doesn’t feel too bad.

The issue I am mainly focused on at the moment is CONTROL. I’ve got to admit it – I am still a Control Freak. When or if I can’t control something, I lose my sh*t (pardon the Frenche). I even have to control when I “control” and when I don’t. how’s that for controlling?? lol. Whoa. I’ve got it bad…And it’s kind of hitting me full force tonight.

It’s been a long time since I got a pedicure, and tonight, I figured would be the night. I was looking forward to going out and taking care of myself, and “receiving” something. And it really started out well that way.

And then I asked them to put a little flower on each of the big toes. I chose a design, and the girl agreed to do it, even though she didnt’ feel confident.

Well, she did a really good job. I didn’t even watch while she was doing it – just read my magazine. And then when I looked – they were so cute! They were perfect! I could have just been done and walked out of there. But NOOoooo. I said they looked great, and she looked at me and said was that all?

Instead of just saying, “yeah, thanks” – I grabbed the reins, and I pulled hard to the left. I asked if she could put some more dots, and started telling her where (she didn’t speak perfect English.) So she did one toe great, and then the other one, the dots were messed up. I asked her to fix it before putting the top coat. But she didn’t want to do that, so she took the whole thing off. Oh, it feels painful to even think about.

This is called fixing what’s not broken. And I did it read bad tonight.

I actually wish that I’d gone out of there with no flowers on my toes. The color was cute enough. But they kept trying. She had another girl try the flower, and it looked awful – the toes didn’t match.

They took the polish off BOTH toes, and all the perfect cuteness was GONE. I feel so sad for the missed flowers so, so sad. They were so cute and adorable…why – WHY did I have to ask for more???? Ughhhh.

maybe my evening could have gone totally differently if I had NOT tried to “control the outcome.” If I had just let it be. But instead, I responded to her insecurity and tried to “make it all better.” And I didn’t.

I walked out of there with flowers that look okay. But i hate them. I had my hands all over them, and I don’t even want to look at them. They look horrible to me. In fact, I feel awful that I even paid for them.

I gave the girls tips for staying to help me out. But I am really – really – unsatisfied with the result. Ugh.

I feel like I want to call the manager. I want to have the whole thing done again. I know I can’t retrieve that original cuteness. But the process is all messed up. I am hating my toes right now. i think I’ll take the polish off. It’s not making me happy right now

And the guy who was coming to meet me was having a meeting tonight. I had a feeling it would run late, and I told him I couldn’t meet him after 8 or 8:30 at the latest. Well, his meeting got out at 8:30. I was still up for meeting at that point, but he was tired. So I feel disappointed – a little. but it’s not too bad. I’m also kind of relieved, because it means I get to go to bed earlier.

dangit. But I really want to have s*x. lol. My darn libido. It won’t leave me alone. It won’t let me be a good princess and just be “pure” and “wholesome.” It means that, once in a while, my body just needs that touch, or it gets sad. : (

I really want to get married. Then I won’t have to worry about whether or not I get a sex partner. I’m sure there will be other issues. And obviously, I want a marriage where the sex is mutually pleasurable, and we both feel like we get as much as we need, without the demand being too high. That sounds great to me. And I’m really looking forward to that.

I of course enjoy being single. I enjoy the freedom. I love the abundance of all the different men who like me and want or hope to be with me. But it’s unsatisfying, in the end. It’s not really what I need or want to have in my life. I really want the commitment, the partnership, the intimacy.

And I think that may look different than I think it does. But oh well. I’m going to go watch the magic of heartbreak now. And then I am going to go to sleep.

I am putting a creamy frosting all around my heart, like a red velvet cupcake. My heart is a red velvet cupcake, and it needs frosting to make it sweeter and creamier, and to protect it from the environment.

My heart is perfect and sweet and dangerous and enjoyable and delicious. And any man would want to be near me and with me, and enjoy the endless supply of sweetness and softness that comes with me and being in my heart. I feel that. And now I get to try and believe it. That I’m worth it. Not just a long drive north, or a trip across the country. But really IT – all of it. The whole shebang. The whole kit and caboodle.

I’m still working on that belief. But…I’ll get there.

hugses to sirens.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:20pm
248: Miss Bells says:

HS also has a married female cousin that is his fave. He probably has a cousin-crush on her. But–hanging out with her alone is no biggie. She is his closest family, and he had no problem introducing me. She stayed with us for a couple of days, then they went on a rafting trip with some other cousins.
She is an amazing woman.
HS also has a crush on Salma Hyack. I told him “If she comes knocking on your door I will bow out” Good luck with that.
That is all the “sharing” i want to do with OW.

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 9:20pm
249: siren song says:

hey sirens,

just wanted to say ‘hi!’.

things are fabulous over here…not stressing or efforting over a man…i have a cd i’m not attracted to who won’t stop texting me…i’m not feeling it, but am getting into my not-feeling-him-feelings.

another cd from work is soooo open and wonderful and helpful. he gives to me a lot and is great to work with. he feels good to be around.

i’m enjoying just observing men and how i feel about them…not trying to make anything happen.

love to you all!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:01pm
250: siren song says:

also, today i realised i’m an amazing catch! i feel weird saying/writing that out loud!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:09pm
251: Silver Moonbeam says:

#179 Laughing Goddess

Thank you I am still working on it lol!!! Pre RR I would have replied within an hour, if not sooner!!!

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:38pm
252: Silver Moonbeam says:

#219 Starbright

Interesting you would think this guy is a scammer, I don’t get that feeling but it’s possible.

I came across many scammers on match dot com and got familiar with their MO. If he is a scammer then he has picked on the wrong person as I only make it pay to pay and have no extra money for scammers lol!!!

Thank you

Thursday, 11 October 2012 @ 10:45pm
253: Vi says:

April Rose hi

From the previous thread – yesterday I felt anger cuz MH (my husband) overreacted and made a rude comment about me.

My anger felt so overflowing yesterday that I felt so in a hurry to channel it and take an active care of me that I didn’t check for the comments. Now it feels late to answer, but I felt so ‘aww’ reading your question, that I feel glad to do it anyway

So my ‘active care’ included attending to my anger here on the blog, eft, and sleeping in another room ’cause there I felt less triggered and safer emotionally… It also included no me making him breakfast the next morning but me leaving early for a walk with mom and taking us to our local rose garden .

MH apologized today. My feelings are .. mmm… turned off and curious.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 12:30am
254: Vi says:

Actually I really do love my anger. I feel embarrassed to admit how good and ‘at home’ I feel when I feel it….. sigh. I feel more relaxed writing it ‘out loud’. I also feel that my teeth are clenched. I love my teeth. I love my tension.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 12:35am
255: Vi says:

mmm… Anger is so much connected with my idea of family and love… I’ve been fighting with my mom through all my childhood…. and then it stopped… (when I was in my teens I guess?)… the relationship with MH reminds me of my childhood fights with mom… I feel numb about it and I feel tension in the forearms and shoulders… and neck.. I love my neck and my arms and shoulders… it’s okay to relax… I’ll take care of you… I love you.. I love my tension.. I feel embarrassed…
Well if I’m here then there is another part of me that wants to explore other ways of expressing love … It’s okay to express love the way it is being expressed by my relatives, be it mom or husband.. and it’s okay to feel like choosing smth. else… omg, I love my intuition! I feel in awe of my instincts pulling me toward new, better, healthier things… it’s okay to want smth. different … (((((((((((((((part wanting smth. different)))))))))))

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 12:53am
256: Emerson says:

245 tereana I was not doubting your experience I was asking a genuine question for clarification because no i don’t know your childhood.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 1:03am
257: Emerson says:

Ugh silver moonbeam this is why i feel frustrated with online dating and I stopped.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 1:04am
258: Emerson says:

255 vi I tend to be attracted to negative people (not so much anymore) and I realized my sisters are very negative/critical and always have been. I’ve changed and distanced from them so I attract more positive people now.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 1:11am
259: Heart says:

wow I feel so low.
Intuitively I get that it’s over between me and CudG.
It’s sinking in and I feel disappointed and sad
and I feel hopeless…
and I’m blaming myself a little for pushing him away…

but I’m also relieved and grateful that he moved on…
and I’m also being gentle with myself and reminding myself that You can’t do the wrong thing with the right man!

I just need 2 days to feel all the emotions and just give myself the permission to feel bad.
I plan on getting back into the swing of things in a few days.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 1:29am
260: Sirenity says:

Mic,

You sound sane, measured and fair to me ..but then i am a woman..:)

I wonder if he is offering you the relationship you WANT? If not..then you know what to do, dont you ? Circular Date. After all , this casual contact online with women is likely to be an ongoing thing when he is deployed if you accept it now.

” I feel surprised and sad and mad when i think that I am not the only woman in your life. . I feel safe when I am not only exclusive with you, but also feel all your romantic and sensual energy focused on ME. It feels bad when this energy leaks out of the relationship .

I understand we may not be looking for the same things

I just dont want to pressure you. It would feel so much better to UNpressure things here and keep my options open till you know what you want with me in the long term. I intend to see other men and accept dates , though i will be sexually exclusive with you. ”

uuugh not a good FM, but something like that maybe..

I feel very uncomfortable thinking of your man chatting with other “prospectives” .He is CD’ing. Rori speaks of why its not OK for him to CD if HE is the one who is uncommitted .

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 2:02am
261: Heart says:

omgad! – I can’t believe Rori told one of the new girls to get “professional help”.

*Laughing uncontrollably!
Sorry for being rude….but that just comes across as So funny when you’re reading it on the internet…

I’m going to buy my little girl some ice-cream…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 2:48am
262: Sirenity says:

Tipper,

I too had breast cancer , and an uncommitted man. We were living by then in different countries after a five year history. Mine did the opposite and reappeared to care for me after the mastectomy, and held me and cloaked me in his love. I felt safe for the first time in that whole nightmare. Then he left. Actually he abandoned me , ill, in a city away from family .

And returned to chasing someone else.

So//we have come at it from different angles , but the point is , to get over the illness you must get over him. You must lavish your own self , mind , body and heart in love and care and pampering . You must set him free . I still believe my very painful, stressful history with this man and my self abandonment CAUSED my breast cancer.

I am physically healed now. I am struggling to let a man near me ( or meet one who I even feel a spark for ) , but I AM loving me a lot more.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:01am
263: Tam says:

Oh, and he sold one of the boats…my favourite one. Good times we had with it too. Sold without even taking me one last time. He took all our friends in the last few weeks…but couldn’t wait for me. He must have just sold it in the last couple of days.
I didn’t need any more confirmation, just another nail in the coffin of the ‘friendship’ or whatever it was.
Able to see more clearly now.

I can take care of my little girl….maybe I will try to sneak out a fish for my dinner today, from one of the nice men on the fishing pier…

Actually, I feel very calm now and non-resistant to change. Everything changes and I can live with that.
There will be good and bad changes.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:37am
264: April Rose says:

Vi,

It feels good to hear you processing your anger.
And I feel smiley reading that you love it.

(((((anger)))))

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:39am
265: Vi says:

Thanks, Emerson! Opting out feels very helpful to me too.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:40am
266: Tam says:

The more I understand this surrendering, the more I can let things happen.
I am almost resisting of putting in ‘too much effort’ even into work now but that’s bad. I have been trying so much, to get myself straight working and applying to other jobs and dating etc.
It would feel good to just make minimum effort and relax and see what happens.
I can’t afford to, but perhaps I can affort to let up a little…trying too hard has actually failed to get results…hmmmm

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:41am
267: Tam says:

no more assuming things either, that’s very freeing too.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:46am
268: Vi says:

mm… Actually I practiced opting out before, but not for taking care of me and processings, but as means to manipulate… sigh… to make ‘them’ miss me and see them come back to me and then I will have a right to think: ‘you see, you need me more than I need you, it’s you who came back, I am better than you’…. omg it feels so clueles now…. ((((((((cute clueless Vi)))))))))) feeling sad … it’s okay to feel sad … I am a wonderful kid ..hehe

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:50am
269: April Rose says:

Hello Sirens,

I’m feeling very irritated with a woman I work with. I want to punch her face.

Not sure what the feeling is – jealousy?

All I know is I have a headache listening to her voice banging on about her usual topics.

What do I do? Sink into the headache?
Help!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:53am
270: April Rose says:

The voice is low and silky and monotonous.

Droning on about healers and goddesses and such.

When she’s not doing that she is bossing her boyfriend about, and having tantrums if she doesn’t get her way.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:54am
271: Heart says:

punch her in the face!

just kidding

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:56am
272: Tam says:

April Rose, that made me smile….punching her face…hehe…don’t do it

I don’t know. I have been irritated a lot recently and always try now to bring it back to me. What is it in me that is irritated? Is it really the person?
Do I envy them for something? Are they over-confident and I am under-confident and can learn something?
Usually it is people that are ‘full of themselves’ that trigger me…is it me not being full of myself? And why not? Shouldn’t I be my cheerleader?

And if it really is about not being able to do one’s job with a person being obnoxious or whatever I try to get out of their way. Can you?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:58am
273: April Rose says:

Is it reflecting a part of me that I’m judging and hating?

I don’t like manipulators.

I am a manipulator. I love that part of me. Sigh…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:58am
274: Vi says:

Hey April Rose!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:59am
275: April Rose says:

Thanks Heart and Tam!

I want to punch her!!! Ha hah ha.

She keeps answering the questions I am asking to other people.

RAAAAAAAAAAHR

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:01am
276: April Rose says:

Hello Vi

I’ve got a healthy dose of the old anger just now!

Enjoying it (although wanting to punch somebody’s face in)

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:02am
277: Tam says:

Ladies, one thing I have noticed. Women who are bossy, know what they want and order their men around….they get married.
Yesterday again my friend….she is having all her dreams come true. And he confided in me: ‘oh, I didn’t want to come out tonight, I just wanted to watch TV, but she MADE me. I don’t know why she always makes me do these things when I don’t enjoy them’. Yet, he does everything to make her happy because he loves her.
And the fact that he confided in me makes me think ‘do all men just see me as a friend they can trust and confide in? Am I too nice and understanding? Is this why she got the ring and I haven’t even got a bf?’.
I must say, there is something to it.
I feel happy that men confide in me, but sad that they are not inspired to step up. At least not the ones I like.
I am the safe one. The one who gets told everything. The trusted one.
But I am not the exciting one, the one to fall in love with, to propose to, to run her door in?
I feel blue.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:03am
278: April Rose says:

Tam,

No-one’s actually being obnoxious. I perceive her as being sweet and silky and snake-like.

In a room full of men. Actually there is us two women and four men.

Shut up in front of MY men. Bi*tch!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:05am
279: Tam says:

April Rose…punch her.
Grind sleeping tablets into her tea.
I dunno.
I wanted to punch that woman who posted bikini pictures of her aging body all over fb…I wanted to drive up to her house and say: ‘don’t be ridiculous woman.’
Of course this was all about me, still.
I felt like lashing out.
I still feel like lashing out, even writing to MrP ‘well, now you sold the boat and didn’t even bother to take me out one more time, I don’t want to help you with anything, sell your junk yourself’.
Of course I won’t.
But I sure feel like it.
He said he wants ‘no more friction before going to Europe”….me saying that it would feel good to get picked up is friction. Well, sod that. Take your backside to Europe and get your sh** sorted yourself.
Hrmpf.
Anger bubbling again.
Must do some work.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:07am
280: Tam says:

278 April Rose, haha!! You are feeling territorial…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:08am
281: April Rose says:

I need to shift this. It keeps repeating. We work together closely in this group.

Okay, I feel headachey. Ear tension, hot prickles. Tight scalp. Tension in solar plexus. Body tight and screwed up. Vagina closed. Leg muscles stiffening.

Mainly the headache, though. Temples feel like there are nuts and bolts being tightened in there.
Back of skull – hot clenching. Ouch ouch ouch.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:10am
282: Silver Moonbeam says:

My siren ways may be working a little too well, a man who lives in my block of flats just asked me would I like to go for a drink, he’s 82!!!!!!!!!!!

BBBwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaa

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:11am
283: April Rose says:

OUCH my head

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:12am
284: April Rose says:

Yay SMB!

Let them all ask. Ha ha.

You sexy siren.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:13am
285: Tam says:

282 SMB, happened to me recently, guy was almost 70…but he was not your typical 70 year old, he was actually sexy and looked better than many half his age (shape, hair, face etc). I was totally surprised.
Never saw someone that age before that I found ‘sexy’. But it wasn’t just me, my friend also said ‘wow, that guy had a spark’.
You could use him for practice – I assume he hasn’t got ‘that spark’…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:14am
286: April Rose says:

Oh Tam

“He said he wants ‘no more friction before going to Europe”….me saying that it would feel good to get picked up is friction.”

I hear ya.
Gahhh, I hate that.
Stick with it, babe. I’ve switched to Rori’s way and it’s not going down well with men who knew me pre-Rori.
I’m standing by myself through the transition.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:17am
287: Tam says:

286. Yes April Rose. I think the trouble is that I used to think nothing could upset our friendship anymore after all we have gone through.
I realise now that this is not true.
It means also that he was insincere about it, making it romantic despite of what he said…it wouldn’t be a problem if we were just friends, he’d have said ‘can’t pick you up sorry’, or ‘I’ll pick you up’.
The whole thing wouldn’t have been such a big deal.
A man who isn’t honest to himself and runs from everything (the Europe thing is also running from problems he has here), really doesn’t inspire me anymore.
I thought we had turned a corner last year, being able to speak authentically, him also. I guess it was just a ‘phase’.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:25am
288: Tam says:

I still have trouble asserting my boundaries, not just with men.
Thre is a lady who gave me some work – and although the assumption was that it would be paid, I was quite happy to do this writing work for practice also. So I did quite a bit in my spare time.
She said we’d meet today at her office….and yesterday morning I sent an email asking if it was still on and what time she wanted me there.
Bearing in mind that this is a professional, who checks her email regularly, I have had no answer nearly 24 hours later.
I have to give notice that I am taking the afternoon off to the guys I work with remotely.
This is pi***ing me off now.
So now I have to start laying down some boundaries?
If she emails me now, I want to say ‘sorry, since you did not get back with me I did not make arrangements to take the afternoon off’.
I’d feel bad but wouldn’t that be reasonable?
I have such trouble stating my boundaries.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:30am
289: Heart says:

Sirens – why do we get hung up on men?
whats the psychology behind it…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:30am
290: Heart says:

Tam

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:32am
291: Heart says:

Tam – awesome rant btw…now reading it…good to get that stuff out…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:33am
292: Heart says:

Dominique – that tension releasing technique…is amazing…I want to do it all day.
Is it ok to do it when your doing stuff…or like sitting on the train etc?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:38am
293: Vi says:

Once I felt hugely triggered with a colleague of mine. And my irritation was caused by her constantly being in a victim role. The sound of her voice felt unbearable. Needless to say that at that time I felt completely as a victim myself – in my personal life, with MH.
…mmm recalling this situation now I feel my shoulders going up… I feel my facial expression is like I ate smth. sour… okay I feel ashamed of my victim part of me …. sigh.. ((((((((victim in me)))))))) what if it’s okay to feel a victim? ..pouty lips… okay I hate this part of me. I feel angry at it. I judge myself for having it…. sigh.. If I have (had) this part I do heed (needed) it… fighting the reality is such an energy drain… maybe I did need it. Maybe I needed people’s attention. Maybe I didn’t know other ways to connect… and my intentions were not to put my problems on people or look weak but to connect. Exclamation mark! Wanting to connect is a good thing, right? I got attention from mom mainly when I felt ill… she stayed with me at home… mmm and I got that doll I dreamt of as a gift that was supposed to help me feel better once I caught a cold… and that plush orange donkey (hehe)… I’ve got a very high temperature then and they went and bought it to me … why should I judge people and myself for trying to connect by ways they know and feel comfortable with? they may be unaware of other ways to connect… and it’s okay to want to connect … it’s okay to connect by ways a person used to connect.. sigh.. I feel much more relieved… Thank you.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:38am
294: Tam says:

heart, I feel embarrassed. But it’s really like it has all come out now and I feel clean inside.
I don’t feel happy but somehow cleansed and resistant to all the bs.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:38am
295: mlc says:

Receiving Girl 217 – Emotional support to a REAL friend would be fine with me. I feel as you do that I want to be with a man whose character would not allow him to cross any lines. I thought he was that man. My confusion and hurt and distrust come from finding out this communication was going on purely by accident. I had no idea. And I am certain he knows that if I had known, it wouldn’t have been (and is not) okay with me. TRUST HONESTY

Sirenity 260 – Thank you for your confirmation. It is important to me to know that I am going to handle this calmly, rationally and intelligently.

I like what you have suggested. I am going to tweak things just a bit, but it’s an interesting proposal to continue seeing him and being sexually exclusive with him while keeping MY options open, which is what I feel HE was doing without me knowing it. But then again, do I really want to be with a man who would do that in the first place? I wonder how he would react if I posed that suggestion to him.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:40am
296: mlc says:

and I am so grateful for the advice and suggestions and points of view I find on this site. I always come here when I need those things and I am never disappointed.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:41am
297: Tam says:

Heart, maybe we get hung up because we always want what we can’t have? Kind of a human trait, really, the same for men.
It’s annoying though, I aspire to never want what I can’t have anymore.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:42am
298: Heart says:

Tam – interesting…I need to think about that for a while…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:45am
299: Tam says:

As a practice for my triggers and getting triggered by a woman past her prime posting one million bikini pictures, and close up face pictures of herself on fb yesterday, I am posting a couple of bikini pictures now too. Yes, it seems silly, and I hate to do it but there is obviously something there that needs to be gotten out of my system. So there.
Hm.
It’s kinda like one step forward and two steps back, however, the step forward comes quicker these days….I have seriously taken steps back since getting here. I put it down to anxiousness and healing rather than attributing it to ‘going backwards’.
I still have Dominiques words in my head ‘there is no going backwards’. I slipped temporarily, but I know myself enough now to know it is all about me and to know how to flip out of it.
Not projecting it anymore.
These are all my issues.
That feels so good to know, because it means I can sort them out. Slathering on the love

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:52am
300: Sirenity says:

SMB that is hilarious!! GO !

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:57am
301: Tam says:

Boundary: if the lady doesn’t confirm our meeting by 10:00 am this morning, I am not going.
This may hurt me, but I don’t want to work with someone who can’t keep me informed anyway.
I am not a beggar or a little girl, I am a professional too.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:03am
302: Femininewoman says:

Yayy SMB

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:15am
303: Finding Me says:

Good Morning. I don’t know where to begin…Rori, I have been listening to you for several months now and you have been such an inspiration! I am trying very hard to circular date (CD?). I met a man 5 months ago and as always everything was great in the beginning, I could take him or leave him and he chased, then somewhere along the way things turned around and I find myself chasing him, which I believe is what he wants me to do, but that does not make me feel good, I feel desperate and I feel needy and I do not like how that feels. I want to be able to lean back and unzipper my heart, but I feel scared. I feel almost panicky at the thought that if I do not text him I will not hear from him. I waited 4 days the last time and then I felt overcome with fear that he might think I was no longer interested. I know what I must do but I don ‘t know how to do it. It feels so hard!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:15am
304: Dominique says:

Hear – 292 – Absolutely. I do it constantly, all day long, checking in with myself, sitting, standing, lying down.

I feel really pleased it’s helping you.

xxoo

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:23am
305: Dominique says:

Tam – I feel curious about something which has come up several times.

What is this anger, though maybe it’s fear, you’ve been expressing over an aging woman about? Can an older woman not look and feel sexy and attractive, gorgeous?

xxoo

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:25am
306: Sirenity says:

I cant find Dominique’s tension releasing technique.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:31am
307: Tam says:

304…Dominique, absolutely. What triggered me is the posting of the bikini pictures and the bragging actually. Not so much the age and wrinklinesss…we all get there. It’s not about her, it’s clearly about me. Maybe I am jealous?
Maybe I feel turned off?
I am so totally non-ageist, my friends are age range from 20′s to 80′s.
So I don’ know.
Perhaps I feel inferior of the lifestyle, I have no idea what it is.
I knew it would upset people on here and I don’t mean to. Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:31am
308: Silver Moonbeam says:

#285 Tam

Absolutely NO spark at all, very nice old gentleman who has lived an interesting life, he was an actor and comes from a theatrical family where they were/are all on the stage.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:33am
309: Tam says:

I just feel frustrated maybe, that I have not inspired a man to step up and reach out to me, where others are clearly succeeding.
Yep, maybe that is it.
I feel inferior and small and girl-like, not like a woman.
Maybe that’s what it is. Urgh.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:34am
310: Tam says:

Perhaps I feel she is more attractive and gorgeous and alluring than I am. It has nothing to do with age.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:38am
311: mlc says:

297 you CAN have ANYTHING you want…but you have to be patient and you have to be willing not to settle for less. Dream big… : )

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:40am
312: Dominique says:

Tam – It’s good you expressed this. I can’t speak for the others, but I don’t feel offended. I feel concern for you and what might be causing this turmoil inside you.

What I think this may be about is that you don’t feel that free an easy to express yourself in the way she has, so kind of a jealousy thing. BUT I also think someone, anyone who does plaster photos of themselves all over in this way, male or female, likely has some deep insecurities. I could say more but will leave it here.

xxoo

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:41am
313: mlc says:

297 – AND you have to actually KNOW what you REALLY want.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:42am
314: Silver Moonbeam says:

I am not offended either Tam and I am 59.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:43am
315: Dominique says:

Tam – Small and girl like is a WONDERFUL, beautiful thing. I feel like this all the time, and I’ve come to love this part of me. My spirit will never be musty, dusty.

As for attracting a man, sometimes having this happen at an older age is best for a woman, for the couple. You’ve got most of your growing pains out of the way, you know what you want and don’t want, you have gained enough maturity to create something lovely with wisdom and experience and much healing having already been achieved.

I feel really glad K and I got together at a much later time, not when we first met.

Your time will come. It will.

xxoo

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:47am
316: Tam says:

311 Thank you Dominique and SMB, I really did not want to offend anyone, and if you knew me personally, you’d know that I absolutely love women’s bodies and shapes and faces of all ages…and ironically I am someone who always feels that naturally aging and taking care of oneself without starving oneself or using unnatural things on one’s body is so much more attractive…
So it is totally about me. I feel like a bad girl maybe triggering some Ladies here and that is not what I wanted. I feel bad for even mentioning it now.

I guess maybe just the bragging ‘the world has seen me in a bikini and loves it’ kinda thing just got me riled up…and all the men incl MrP commenting on it. Is that what it takes to be seen?
To brag and boast and posing half naked on a public website? Making tons of those photos visible to the public, not even private. Maybe. Then I am not part of that. It’s not me.
Then I don’t want to be seen.
Simple.
Perhaps I should disband my fb for a while.
Perhaps I should keep being triggered and seeing what it brings up to heal.
Hm

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:50am
317: Tam says:

314 Thank you Dominique.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:54am
318: Tam says:

I have changed my photo now..to one where I am totally unglamorous, doing the job I used to love, no make-up and mad hair. That is me. I don’t need to do what other people do because I am unique and I am me.
I feel better now.
Urgh. Two strange days.
Onwards and upwards.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:58am
319: Femininewoman says:

I feel so much love for myself today. It was easy for me to visualize the Waterwheel of Love turn towards me and showering on me heavily.

I saw a couple and the man was obviously “holding” on to his woman’s hand. I sensed she was allowing him and her wrist was a bit limp and him holding her. I believe he sensed my focus on them though I was trying not to look directly. He turned his head and looked toward me for a minute as if wondering whose attention he felt focussed on him.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:04am
320: Femininewoman says:

RE 314 aaawwww Dominique. That feels so good and comforting to read.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:06am
321: Femininewoman says:

I feel laughy at myself this morning. I want to be seen and validated. I want the world to acknowledge that I am big and bold and smart. I feel like neon fuschia, shining my energy out in the world.

I acknowledge me.
I love me.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:10am
322: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel really powerful. It feels great to finally understand how much power I have, when too often, I had felt powerless.

I want to be respected and appreciated, and I know I will be, by the right guy.

It feels soooo awful when a guy underestimates me. Nothing infuriates me more!

Even though I’m fairly young myself, I feel so great with younger men, because I feel like they respect me more and DON’T underestimate me.

Men my age or older, I don’t think they understand how ON to them I am. I KNOW when they are being authentic with me, I KNOW when they are playing games, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. and I love that knowledge. It feels empowering and liberating and it makes me feel sexy!

Okay, actually I feel like this happens more with guys my age. Older men don’t really underestimate me, either. It’s just guys my age, I would say from 24-35. That age range with men…something’s triggering about it to me. Hmm…that feels curious.

I feel less threatened by younger men because they are “smart” enough to know that they do not know it all, and they don’t pretend like they do.

I feel more respected by men older than that because it’s like they know they’re lucky to get a Spring Chickie like me! hehe.

My neighbor who stopped to talk to me because he realized we’re from the same place? Waaaay older than me, and I like it! That feels kinda strange…I’m ridiculously attracted to men in their early forties. It’s like they are established, but humble because they are “starting to get older.”

There’s something really attractive about a confident/humility balance.

or maybe it’s a vulnerability thing. I LOVE VULNERABLE men. or just when any man is vulnerable with me. especially if it’s something you can’t see just by observing him out in his life.

Tam, I’m really young and I get triggered by the age thing, too. It’s because of a repeated pattern of feeling threatened by girls in their late teens and early twenties, getting left for them when I’m not taking good care of myself or closing myself off, I mean.

NEVER underestimate the value of EXPERIENCE. It gives you unbelievably alluring layers to your soul.

(((((Tam))))))

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:11am
323: Siren Angel says:

Dominique,

Thank you for your presence here. You are truly inspiring and a gift.

xx

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:14am
324: Tam says:

I may feel small and unseen and like a little girl.
Maybe I am, maybe I will always be.
But that does not mean that I will accept crumbs anymore.
And it does not mean that I can’t stick to my boundaries.
I want to be strong on the inside and I will be.
It feels good to know and believe in that.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:14am
325: Iamabutterfly says:

This one guy who is younger than me, I feel small and girl-like with him. I love the way we interact. Like, we’ll be talking about life or whatever, and sometimes I find myself telling him “things I’ve learned,” but I love that he doesn’t seem to mind. He is so masculine, he knows a lot more about “that world” than I do, so I still find so much to listen to and appreciate about him.

and I’ve found that he WANTS to talk to me about emotional stuff, I suppose because he can sense my emotional inteligence. this one time he was sooo eager to talk to me because he was feeling really angry about something and just wanted some empathy I guess?

I love studying about emotional processes, and I talk about it sometimes when I’m reading literature or just when observing people and talking about reactions and things like that.

He always seems fascinated by it all and can never seem to get enough.

It feels great that he looks up to me in that way.

I look up to him because he is SO driven and passionate about his work, and decisive. Even though he hasn’t experienced as much “life” as I have, he still has these perspectives and qualities that I can look up to and admire….

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:19am
326: Iamabutterfly says:

@322 Siren Angel – I agree 100%. Dominique, you are a jewel!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:20am
327: Tam says:

And, point being, if it takes me pretending I am someone else, to get men to step up – then it’s not ‘real’, is it?
I have to learn to love myself first for exactly the person I am and my little girl persona.
And I believe that will attract those who will love me also just the way I am.
I reserve my bikini body for those.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:21am
328: Femininewoman says:

You don’t want to feel the walls and blocks inside of yourself that you still do. It hurts feeling your heart still feeling tight and closed off so much of the time. It aches still feeling the areas of tension you have in your body which just makes you feel cranky and irritable way too much of the time. You don’t want to feel the disconnected feeling which still comes up within, for yourself and everyone else. You hate still feeling like an outsider sometimes. And you still make SO many mistakes. You still……….whatever it is you are still struggling with, whatever it is which is plaguing you this gloomy feeling day.

http://sexandheart.com/when-it-all-feels-so-hard

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:21am
329: Femininewoman says:

I wonder what is my prime?
Is it a number I have in my head that I consider that I should have already had all the fun that life will allow me to have?
Is it a number that I have decided after I get there I now need to prepare to die and give up on living?
Is it the time that I decide all the joy is sucked out?
I wonder what I consider my prime?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:28am
330: Femininewoman says:

Is it a point in time where I believe I become invisible to men so they don’t feel attracted to me?
Is it a point where I don’t feel attractive and just want to feel mean and lash out?
I wonder what is my prime?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:29am
331: Femininewoman says:

I wonder what is my belief about aging?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:30am
332: Tam says:

329…I am also wondering. Actually, I felt much less attractive in my 20′s than I feel now. Objectively speaking, I looked better, younger then. So it’s all in the mind.
Also, I was looking at a picture of my friend in her 30′s yesterday. She is now in her 50′s. I realised that she is now in better shape, dresses better, and looks all around much better and more confident….of course she looks more aged. Still. I told her that I find her a million times more attractive now in her 50′s than what she looked like in her 30′s.
She smiled and I think she said that she ‘feels better’ now.
It seems to be all about how we feel about ourselves.
I saw this 90 year old lady here last week, she was mesmerising.
I rest my case.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:39am
333: T-Girl says:

Silver Moonbeam, I am just catching up on the blog but I agree with you about the email seeming like a copy and paste. I had a similar situation. You can really tell when you ask questions that don’t get answered. It will be interesting to hear his response to your latest email about meeting.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:45am
334: Tam says:

And now, I wrote to the lady that never got back to me (which annoyed me), that I take it we won’t meet this afternoon. And that it would be fine and we can reschedule when I live closer to her again as right now it is quite difficult to get to her (hence the advance notice).
It feels good to assert a little boundary (no last minute) and I feel much more powerful than to wait for an answer.
She had 24 hours to get back to me. I think I have been fair and square.
I feel relieved not to be ‘waiting around’.
I feel tired of waiting around on other peep’s schedules.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:46am
335: T-Girl says:

Yesterday I learned about myself that I really do have some issues about relationships and money. I had to buy a car yesterday because my old one died. During the negotiations the salesman wanted me to put money down on the car but I kept telling him no because I don’t have a down payment. J kept saying I can helpyou but I insisted to the salesman no and successfully negotiated. I guess all I could think was thatJ would think I was using him or something. Today I am going to tell him how much I appreciate that he was with me yesterday to help me.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:51am
336: Daria says:

Anger!

My bikini body is for me!

I feel angry being told to reserve it for some appropriate people

I feel angry being judged for being myself!

I feel yelly!

I love my yelly self

I love my compelled to argue self!

I love my defensive self.

I feel all tight bootycheeks angry!
Hmmm

I love my hmmm

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:55am
337: Daria says:

I do not want to feel scared or judged being on the beach or showing my amazing body!

Earrrrgh!

Feeling angry and defensive. I love my anger and defensiveness

I live how I can feel myself stiffen up like a board

Hmmm

I love my hmmm

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:58am
338: Femininewoman says:

T-Girl the other thing that is coming to me after reading your comment is “how much influence am I willing to accept from a man. How willing am I to allow him to influence my decisions”.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:59am
339: Tam says:

Thanks for being able to come here. I can’t discuss a lot of my feelings, insecurities and fears with the people in my ‘real’ life, hence this place is invaluable for me. I fear to be judged and ridiculed in the ‘outside world’ for still being stuck in some areas of my life.
It has helped me so much to not lash out, and not create more drama than is already present, in my everyday life.
I feel very grateful to be able to come here…and I do hope that in the course of my processing, I never offend any of you lovely ladies. That would feel bad.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:59am
340: Daria says:

Femininewoman – wow I really see u as neon fuschia too!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:00am
341: Daria says:

My lil girl feels sad

I live my sadness

I live my anger

I love my depression

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:01am
342: Daria says:

Well maybe I have some deep insecurity but I certainly don’t feel it! Lol

Bullshit!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:04am
343: Daria says:

I feel al judgemental, if the woman was here on island the poster would likely be oh that’s awesome way to Rock on and honor yourself.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:05am
344: Tam says:

If you don’t mind I will spam a little more.
I believe good things will come to me.
But not by trying too hard or loosening my boundaries. A little like telling the lady I would like to know what’s happening. I wouldn’t have done that before.
I feel like treating myself to something nice today though I can’t really afford it. Could I still do it, and trust that good things, like more money, will come to me? Maybe the reason why they are not coming to me is because I lack the trust. trust in myself and the Universe. I am trying too hard.
Hm

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:06am
345: Femininewoman says:

I feel triggered reading aged.
But I still feel calm and peacefulness underneath.
I feel a smile on my face still.
I think of aged and see a dried up prune. Ouch.
hehe

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:06am
346: Femininewoman says:

Or maybe a raisin. Shriveled but sweet.

ooooooo

I feel silly.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:07am
347: Tam says:

345…no worries FW, the amount of time I spend in the sun, I will be a prune before anyone else on here.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:10am
348: MissStix says:

Oh yes…This is the blog I feel content with. Yummy processing!

Rock that anger sirens! Rawr!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:12am
349: Daria says:

I Iove the part of me that acts fake and gossips to put women down to make other women feel better.

I love the part of me that wants to shut down my sexuality and openness in the world.

I love the part of me that wants to yell and shout away put downs and abuse

I love the part of me that feels powerless and sad

I love the part of me that feels scared

I love the extra loud part of me

Hmmmh

I love my Hmmmh

I love my upsetnessi love my fast heartbeat

I love my pouty face

I love my pressing on my chest

I love my numb face

I love my guilt

I’m sorry for judging

I love my bullshitting self

I love my I think I’m right and I’m a defender of people self

I love my upsetness

I love my I don’t feel safeness

I love my yelling out harder than something mess

I love my shame

I love my sad bentoverness

Hmmmh

I love my defeatedness

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:16am
350: Tam says:

342..yes Daria, probably. But then it depends on which frame of mind the posting is…does one post to get reassurance and ego stroke or does one post because one is proud of oneself and happy inside?
And does it really matter?
I don’t know.
Perhaps someone who posts nothing but bikini pics (in that case) hasn’t got much else going on in life?
And does it matter?
I don’t feel triggered by it anymore. Actually, I feel bored now by the pics.
Interesting how it has shifted.
When I see some pictures, I feel ‘Goddess vibe’…on those I see some ‘Goddess vibe’ but also ‘pick me, pick me – desperation vibe’ (looking for validation, propping up self-esteem etc, the kind of stuff I needed to do before I realised my self esteem has to come from the inside).
All my stuif no doubt.
So now I feel compelled to put my arm around woman and say: ‘do you love yourself lady?’ Or do you love fleeting attention? I would like to know what the reality is.
Strange, eh?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:16am
351: Tam says:

Suddenly I feel compassion for her. How bizarre.
I want to put a nice and flattering girly dress on her.
Hm. I feel silly and curious why that just popped into my head.
I want to protect the over-tanned unhappy skin and make her look more feminine and flowery and say: does that not feel better?
Yikes, if that isn’t projection then I don’t know.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:20am
352: Tam says:

I feel embarrassed!!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:20am
353: Tam says:

Besides, the job lady now wrote back apologising for letting me hang. And she was very nice and understanding.
This feels good.
Thank you Universe.
Thank you Lady for accepting my boundaries with grace. Thank you Tam for insisting on my boundaries.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:23am
354: Daria says:

I feel hot head and sad

I bugged my eyes out and I feel better

I love my heart

Hmmmh

I love my Hmmmh

I love the part of me that thinks only one part of me is me

I love the part of me that thu is that only being in doing , un glamorous mode is the real me

I love the part of me that thinks that part is more worthy

I love the part of me that has a challenge adorning and beautifying myself

I love the sad down quiet part of me

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:25am
355: Iamabutterfly says:

when I age, I age like fine wine or gourmet cheese. richer, more complex, more valuable with time.

yum, that feels good.
now I’m hungry!

I feel giggly…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:29am
356: Daria says:

I’m sorry I’m making you feel sad lil girl

I’m sorry I’m making the world seem unfriendly and unsafe

(((((Daria)))))

I love you

I feel sad

I’m here for you while you feel these sad scary feelings

Do you want a hug?

I feel numb

I feel distant walled off

I feel heart achey

I feel sad

I’m holding you

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:30am
357: Daria says:

I feel sleepy

I love my trembly undertongue

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:31am
358: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel curious. all the different parts of me. there ARE parts of me that I don’t want. but I don’t think they are really “me.”

The only parts of me that aren’t really “me,” are the parts that are artificial. not authentic. the parts that are trying so hard to be somebody else. because somebody else ISN’T me!

I am me!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:32am
359: Daria says:

I want to feel warmth in my heart gently softening and soothing my chest

Hehehe

Yay that feels good

I’m giggling compulsively with snot

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:33am
360: MissStix says:

I love my yesterday’s sadness.

I learned so much.

I love my newfound freedom feelings.

Love love love love love love love

I love typing “love” rhythmically. The rhythm of love yum yum yum!

I love my freedom of expression. I love the hard road I took to get here. I love me. All of me! Fiddle dee dee. So now when I feel, I feel what I feel. And after I feel what I feel I speak what I feel. And when I speak what I feel it heals what I feel. But what if what i’m feeling doesn’t need healing? That’s cool…So what is happening with those lovely feelings that don’t require healing? Oh I feed them! Yes. Yum! nom nom nom.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:34am
361: Iamabutterfly says:

I believe that some things are sacred. that there are some things that are set apart, holy. that there are some things reserved only for one person, even if that person is God.

that’s what makes a relationship special, isn’t it?

only sharing the very most private, vulnerable aspects of ourselves?

I love holiness.
I love what it is sacred.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:35am
362: Daria says:

I love my undertongue tension

I love my yawning

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:35am
363: Heart says:

Tam – I sense maybe your simply upset because the lady has Mr. P’s attention? Maybe age has nothing to do with it.

You were triggered once before by a comment he made on another woman’s SM about charity work or something?

Maybe this has nothing to do with the specific woman but it’s more about Mr. P?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:36am
364: Daria says:

I am holy!

I don’t want to be told to shut my holyness down!

I feel shouty!

I feel powerless!

I love my shoutiness!

I love my powerlessness!

I love my fears!

Hmmmh

Spasm

I love my hmmmh

I love my spasm

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:39am
365: Tam says:

363…Ohhh, I feel bad about the age thing being dragged up.
Ok, Heart, I actually think what gets to me is bragging and then being awared with attention for bragging. That’s what feels crappy to me.

I feel like: ‘should I be doing that?’
Is *that* what it takes? Does one have to be over-confident, full of oneself and spreading it all over everywhere to get attention?
That’s what bothers me. But again, it is not about him, her or aging at all.
It’s about me. I feel cringey that it being brought up again.

And to be honest, I have decided that for me, bragging and drawing attention to myself for overinflating my achievements/body/whatever, id not how I like to get attention.
Not at all.
I like to get attention for being authentically me.
That’s the bottom line.

So this has brought up great stuff for me.
I can also post 100 bikini pics up, make them public for all the world to see. Further, I can overinflate the charity work I have done for many years.
I can post close up pics of myself pouting seductively into a camera.
I choose not to, as for me it doesn’t feel right.
What other people do, and what feels good for them is none of my business.

That feels better.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:44am
366: MissStix says:

I am a picture. Not a motion picture. Not a still picture…A morphing photograph. And in this picture there is just me. Me being me and feeling. The expression of my feelings. There is no man in this picture. No. He is observing the picture. He really has nothing to do with the picture…This picture, in fact, is for everyone. So no one can say “I am to blame for how stix’s picture looks today.” No no. And I can not say “You are to blame for how my picture looks today.”. Nuh uh. This picture morphs and changes for feelings alone. Not actions or events or deeds. This picture simply feels. This picture just is. And it is entirely up to the observer of this picture to look, not look, attempt to paint over it with something lovelier, or not. This picture is magic! If someone does try to paint over it this picture absorbs that paint. It does not hide underneath it. It absorbs it, digests it, processes it, decides if it likes the feel and taste and colour and then morphs into it’s own expression of how that feels.

Delicious.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:44am
367: Femininewoman says:

The rhythm of love

It feels melodious
It feels peaceful
It feels calming
It feels soothing

The rhythm of love
It feels like putting my hands to my heart rocking side to side
It feels like the calming splash of water against the rocks at the shores of the sea

The rhythm of love
It feels tingly in my head
It feels glittery in my heart
It feels throbbing in my arms

aaahhh The rhythm of love

Thank you Miss Stix

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:45am
368: Belle says:

This morning while I sit here job searching, I’m noticing little thoughts that pop up –
I’m looking for an ‘ordinary’ job right now,
grocery store bookkeeper, logistics clerk
I feel little pings of fear
“if i get an ordinary job I’ll just have an ordinary husband/ordinary life (ordinary = boring, humdrum, zombielike”
or something like that.
it’s not clear.

The past 10 years I’ve shared so much time with extraordinary people who live magical lives
aerial trapeze artist!
circus performer!
rhythmic gymnastics coach!
fire performers!
acupuncturists!
pets/writers/artists!
tantrik/as
physicists!
tree planters!
shamanic priestesses
sex-positive activists
people who just seem to always magically have money to go on their magical adventures to India and Hawaii and Costa Rica
and I have no friggin clue how they do it!
I feel sad and frustrated
I want to be magical, too.
I have been hanging with some of the most exquisitely beautiful people on the planet, inside and out
and I feel so frumpy, dumpy, gross in comparison
(who’s gonna love me?)
little whiney voice
Hi lil’ one…
slathering her with kisses
I love you
Judgments?
Hm..
I feel sadness in my heart and tears rising up my throat
what is the belief here that is causing sadness?
(I’ll never be like them)
is that true?
turn it around
they’ll never be like me
(giggling)
I should be like them, is that true?
no
I want it to be true!
stressful thought
when i believe that i feel torn inside,
but if I just settle for being plain old me then I’m just settling for …
a life of tv dinners (lol, where did THAT come from?!)
when I think of …women at the post office that have husbands, I magine they go home and watch tv and do boring things and live zombie lives
I don’t watch tv
i like sitting and meditating and being qiet when I get home
I want to have horses to come home to!
I want to hide out from life
duck and cover
it seems so hideous and base and mundane and
bad
hahah I want an extraordinary life and to run with the wolves but I can’t even run a block, even when I was in the best shape of my life I could barely run a few blocks
maybe you werent’ mant t orun?
but I want to!!!
maybe you were meant to fly?
wha???
what does that even MEAN??
just another way of looking at it
little birds don’t really run
-but I’m a human!!
arguing with myself.
awesome
-center and be still a moment
part of me wants to feel ‘special’
and yet I recognize that, for me, feeling ‘special’, feels like ‘separate from/better than others’ and removes me from the feeling of being in deep humility, which feels so much better to me
when I feel reverence and awe
I feel like I am in the presence of the divine and connected with all of life
feeling “special” feels disconnected and ‘better than’ and like a big fat ballon-head floating above the world looking down…”me ! me! me!”
I love that space of humility and connection where “me” doesn’t even seem to matter
can I love and forgive the “me-ness”?
I think of the beatles song, “I, Me, Mine” and feel like I want to vomit

welcome the rising feelings…letting them go

and now down to the truth
I don’t want to look for a job.
I don’t know what I want exactly, but I don’t want to look for a job right now
okay
breathe
center
click submit and focus on our heart and go from there.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:45am
369: Miss Bells says:

mlc
Could you be open to the possibility that he will agree without drama to your boundary around OW, and follow through?
I agonized over this for months, but when I drew the line there wasn’t even a struggle.
Things are much more open and peaceful now.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:47am
370: Daria says:

((((((Daria))))))

I feel protective and angry and like wrapping myself in my mantle and flying away forever

I feel like staying here

I feel frustrated I’m stuck on ‘fighting and battling’

I love my battle energy

I feel sad

I love my sadness

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:49am
371: Daria says:

I love my tooth vibration and tongue vibration

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:49am
372: Miss Bells says:

Being a BIT older when you get together may help.
But i am feeling TOO old. And I know it’s worse for HS.
I am healthier and younger than him.
But I can see the darkness at the end of the line from here.
I don’t want to put a shiny LOA spin on this. But it does make me more aware of squeezing every moment for the juicy stuff.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:50am
373: Daria says:

I feel like slapping humility

I don’t want to feel shame

I love my uniqueness

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:52am
374: Tam says:

Feeling spent now and finally able to concentrate on work. Oh great. Thank you.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:53am
375: Daria says:

I love my humili -ated beaten down sad obedient self

I feel sad

I feel like shaking myself

D

Stop!

I want to feel good nd happy and full and powerful

Mmmmhh

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:54am
376: Daria says:

I love the part of me that resists seeing and receiving the healing.

I love my sigh.

Hehe hehe

I live my tongue sticking out ness

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:56am
377: mlc says:

Miss Bells – thank you

Yes, I am totally open to whatever may come. In fact, it is my hope that when we talk about it and i explain to him how I am truly feeling that he will understand and that he will want to respect my boundaries willing and with a glad heart because our relationship means alot to him and he wants me to be feel happy and secure. That is how I hope it goes.

However, I am prepared for him to be defensive, which seems to be his MO anytime I bring up something that needs discussing, even though I am very careful not to be accusing or blaming. I want this to work.

I have tried really hard to do things the right way, the calm way, the understanding way, the caring way throughout this entire relationship.

I understand that he has a certain way he is used to his most significant relationship proceeding. He was married for 25 years. I get that he has to learn that everyone is different, I am not his ex and that he needs time, and WE need time to learn a productive way to deal with situations. I get that he has had to learn that certain things I say to him don’t have ulterior meanings. I say what I mean and mean what I say, and he should know that by now. I have been very patient.

We are all works in progress. However after over a year of dating, I feel like he should be getting this by now. Since he got mad when I brought up the situation last Friday, I can tell that he automatically comes from a defense position. Since we were able to talk it through I also see that he is at least open to realizing I don’t do things the way his ex did. I have been very patient and understanding, but he needs to step up and show me that he understands my MO too. Anyway, I’m hoping for the best, but I’m prepared for the worst.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:59am
378: Femininewoman says:

I’m prepared for the worst – how about just being open to whatever?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:02am
379: mlc says:

FW – yes, that’s what I said, I am open to whatever.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:07am
380: Femininewoman says:

5. Be Surprised.

Your willingness to be surprised, and to be curious about the world around you and the people in it – including men – can be HUGE. This is ALL Circular Dating. It’s ALL accessing and using the “Diva” part of you that truly lives – 100% – IN the world and doesn’t shut down her sensuality and sexuality and feminine vibe under ANY circumstances.

It’s about how you can…

6. Be in a state of ROMANCE with the entire world.

I’ll write more and more about this – but for now…simply put on your “romance” glasses and see the world through them. See everything as interesting and romantic, quaint and curious, fresh and inspiring…basically something you can love by just loving yourself in its presence.

Let me know if this jogs your thinking around this – and get out in the world and see if you can relate to men in this open way even though you are exclusively involved with one man.

Love, Rori

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/targeting-mr-right/page/5/

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:07am
381: MissStix says:

mmmmm

The rhythm of love. Ever changing beats and melodies. Words and interpretations…

Ohhh I hear african drums! Beat beat beat beat beat beat. Deep, heavy, earthy, raw, seductive…Undulating, gyrating. Feels like a low deep growl forming from a tiny spark deep within. So urgent yet building slowly slowly. Contractions and movements…Dancing from somewhere so deep within. Entire body moving from toes to fingertips. Belly to chest to face. In out up down. Every muscle. Every itty bitty little cell pulsing to the beat. Primal.

And I hear beautiful high tinkling bells and the high and long vibration of violins.

But I am too stuck on the delicious raw primal drums. Mmm this is my natural love rhythm. More s3xual, sensual. A beautiful beast. Rugged and yet somehow soft. Hypnotic. Physical expression of deep and powerful feelings. Oh I have a hot vision of naked bodies entwined out in the wild, under the stars. Taking each other with total abandon. Hands, arms, lips, hair. Can’t tell where one begins and the other ends…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:09am
382: MissStix says:

When I decide what someone else needs to do I am already blaming. I decide only what I need to do and the rest follows…Or it does not. This makes total sense to me.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:13am
383: mlc says:

381 Miss Stix, thank you

That makes perfect sense to me. I am going to make a conscious effort to remember these words: When I decide what someone else needs to do I am already blaming. I decide only what I need to do and the rest follows…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:21am
384: MissStix says:

I see very clearly how I can shift my “take” on actions and events to keep men out of my feeling picture. I can speak in a different way than I was used to… I can look back on my past, with ex husband. I can remember what I said…

“You need to stop doing this and give me your whole self or i’m gone.”

I can shift that. I can say…

“I’m feeling angry. I’m not receiving what I want here. I feel sad and scared to think of leaving, but if I continue to feel this way I will have to go my own way.”

Oh yeah. That feels more soothing to hear out of my own mouth. I even feel less agitated and concerned about what I will hear back or the reaction I will observe.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:21am
385: MissStix says:

mlc

I feel glad you noticed that!

I also want to say I am a little in awe of your strength and conviction. Your lack of hedging and I love that you have never said “Oh whyyyy is he doing this?”. I see your self confidence.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:24am
386: mlc says:

“I’m feeling angry. I’m not receiving what I want here. I feel sad and scared to think of leaving, but if I continue to feel this way I will have to go my own way.”

i feel insignificant and insecure and distrusting and protective of my heart now. all new feelings that i have not had in this relationship.

i am willing to move on without him if what he needs to make himself happy (which is what I want for him) does not mesh with what makes me feel significant secure trusting and open.

i do not want to change him. i do not want him to change for me. i want him to know who he is and what makes him happy and i want him to be honest with me about it.

i want a level playing field so i can clearly see if we are compatible. i want to be able to discuss things with him if we disagree on something to see if willing compromise with a glad heart, not concession out of fear of losing someone, is possible.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:30am
387: mlc says:

“I’m feeling angry. I’m not receiving what I want here. I feel sad and scared to think of leaving, but if I continue to feel this way I will have to go my own way.”

I love this. thank you.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:31am
388: bloom-ing says:

i have the hiccups in my cubicle because i swallowed my lemon chicken too fast.

cd said maybe give the blog a break & see if your anxiety goes down because he thinks it makes me feel bad to read about drama in real human lives so intimately. so i’m going to do a 5 day break : ) or so, even from reading it…

anywayz. i’m going to a women’s retreat tonight with my mama & a group of women from the church i grew up in…. & we are going to this camp that i used to go to when i was little !! aww magical feeling !! i just realized that yesterday that it’s the same camp.

&…. what else ? ohhh well one thing is we went into town for celebratory dinner for me quitting my job & i stopped into a little shop & the girl had like…. “heard about” me LOL because i bought 2 of the same dress & apparently they were judged as really “quirky” dresses lol. she was telling me the owner was afraid to order them because she thought they were too weird & the day i came into the store apparently was the first day they were on display & i bought 2 of 3, which is a quirky thing to do in this already quirky situation. so we were chatting about our boyfriends & stuff (so fun, i always really want to do this with girls i meet, just naturally connect & be smile-y & share stories & we were doing that !!!!) & i saw this sweater, but i unzipped it & was like, oh, no, that’s not really what i want, so she was like what do you want ? so i said i want a blanket sweater with a hood & she said, oh you are going to die, i just bought this & it’s on super duper sale & it’s amazing & it is & i’m wearing it right now. it’s a super soft long black big-hooded cape-y sweater….ahh it’s too pretty & amazing & it was so so cheap. like triple marked down. & she was like “see you later!” ahhh i made a friend i feel so smiley : ))))))))

& then i went where cd was in the record store & felt so happy & looked at everything & he was picking good ones & i found one i wanted & of all the records when we checked out, the record store man said MINE was FREE ! i really want to have everything for free, just that gentle easy flow that feels like just free free sharing love gentle easy flow thank you yes open hands for you – i bow to you. ahhhh when i bow to you, i honor my goddess…. it feels so good to bow to the world right now…..

& i have leftover chinese….. &&& also we were picking a wine out because i wanted chinese takeout & wine & we agreed oh, yes rioja but then there were 2 bottles. i wanted the 35 dollar one. it looked wayyyyy better than the 14 dollar one. but the 14 dollar one made so much more sense. cd asked, i said i want the 35 dollar one & he grabbed it, pleased.

who gave me this ? it’s lovely: “You need to reach a point in your life where you know that being open-hearted and loving with yourself and others is why you are on the planet, and that there is no way of avoiding the loneliness and heartbreak of loving someone who is not open-hearted with you. This is why learning to manage the very challenging feeling of loneliness and heartbreak – and your helplessness over others’ choices – is so important. Without knowing how to do this, you will likely be too afraid to love.”

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:32am
389: mlc says:

384 Miss Stix

thank you. i am a work in progress for sure. but i have also done a lot of work. i don’t beat myself up if i take a few steps back, but i always try to make a conscious effort to move forward.

i firmly believe that life is a series of tests….the universe will keep testing us until we pass. once we pass, we get what it is we truly deserve.

unfortunately, at times now later in my life, i feel as though i am being given master’s level tests!

I’m ready for the rewards!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:34am
390: Starla says:

387 bloom-ing, i think a lot of us give the blog a break from time to time.

the various social aspects of the internet in general have actually been major sources of anxiety for me from time to time

see you soon!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:35am
391: Tam says:

Aw blooming, I love this so much:

“You need to reach a point in your life where you know that being open-hearted and loving with yourself and others is why you are on the planet, and that there is no way of avoiding the loneliness and heartbreak of loving someone who is not open-hearted with you. This is why learning to manage the very challenging feeling of loneliness and heartbreak – and your helplessness over others’ choices – is so important. Without knowing how to do this, you will likely be too afraid to love.”

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:36am
392: Femininewoman says:

mlc – I am feeling you.

MissStix thanks a lot I am learning from you. This ” I feel sad and scared to think of leaving, but if I continue to feel this way I will have to go my own way’ – feels so powerful, so brave. I don’t believe I have ever said these words I just walked but I can see how this authenticity and raw telling the truth could build intimacy.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:36am
393: MissStix says:

mlc 385

Nice!

You’ve got it together. Now it’s all a matter of how you express yourself. I find I can truly let go of the outcome when I know, deep down that I expressed myself in the right way. Then it’s not on me how he takes it, or what he does with it. That’s all on him. And yeah…Like you said, what a great way to know, and see the man before us, and observe how he takes things, and what he does with them. These things happening are a blessing in disguise. Knowledge and learning.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:36am
394: bloom-ing says:

i hear you, starla. it feels so nice to connect, & it will feel nice to have more space around myself too : )

YAY hehe : )

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:37am
395: mlc says:

384 – Miss Stix

I don’t feel like a victim…I know that what I accept is what I get.

If I don’t like it, if it doesn’t honor me, if it doesn’t make me feel the way I need to feel, I am free to go and find that elsewhere. If I choose not to do that, it’s on me.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:38am
396: Tam says:

my little girl asked me if it was ok, as an exception, to have chocolate and a soda for lunch.
I do not normally indulge her like this, being a healthy eater, but I feel it’s totally ok to give into her and let her feast on some superficial sweetness this lunchtime.
She is all smiley about this now.
Feeling naughty for having chocolate for lunch…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:39am
397: Femininewoman says:

Tam have you ever tried dates?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:40am
398: bloom-ing says:

hehe, also starla, for the next couple weeks i’m going to be really focusing on developing my most natural-feeling Routine : ) I know we’ve mumbled around waking up early & i do wake early, but it will feel nice to have some intentional Practices. i also felt really good reading about your plan for your belly dance studio…. sounds so wonderful… : ) bye ! ttyl, lady

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:42am
399: Daria says:

Sounds like inner bonding. She talks about managing loneliness and heartbreak and helplessness as others choices

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:42am
400: Heart says:

Tam – Actually I had just skimmed the posts and have only now realized that there was an age triggering discussion going on….I wasn’t trying to Go There…
I feel bad you feel bad.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:42am
401: Tam says:

399…oh Heart, it’s ok, really.
It seems everything is triggering me right now.
I am so taking steps backwards but it’s ok, perhaps I need to do this to get through it.
My favourite boat has been sold and I suspect that is what did it to me today.
It’s cool. It’s just a boat and memories, nothing more and nothing less. I just feel sentimental and fragile.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:45am
402: Tam says:

FW, I love dates too….they are full of suger also, although sligtly feeling better about fruit sugars..

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:46am
403: Tam says:

oh typos..sugar

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:46am
404: Heart says:

Actually as I’m reading all the posts I am actually feeling
triggered
by
a lot
of things…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:46am
405: Starla says:

awwww i have a little fan club in this life. it feels so nice. i am never alone.

that was the best thing I learned in choosing to be alone this past summer — that i’m never alone.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:48am
406: bloom-ing says:

Inner Bonding – “Do You Isolate?” Margaret Paul

http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2947/do-you-isolate.html

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:49am
407: mlc says:

392- Miss Stix

Now it’s all a matter of how you express yourself. I find I can truly let go of the outcome when I know, deep down that I expressed myself in the right way.

This is exactly why I come here. This is why I didn’t fly off the handle when the incident happened. I truly do say what I mean and mean what I say. I have been processing this for a week now. If I’m not honest with him, he does not have a level playing field either. And that’s what I want for both of us. I do love him and I want him to be happy…no matter if it means he does that without me.

And it is very very hard to stand up to my convictions, but it’s harder to live with something in your life that is wrong for you because you weren’t strong enough to stand up for yourself.

I have a very good life. I am financially independent, though by no means wealthy, I have a great job working with people I enjoy, i love my family and we are supportive of each other, even if we are at times dysfunctional, i am extremely healthy and most importantly i am honest with myself and others.

I am the total package and a great catch! I am looking for the person who recognizes all of this and cherishes it and wants to have all this goodness in his life.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:50am
408: bloom-ing says:

yeah, daria, thanks ! : ) i wonder who shared it originally… maybe fw i think : )

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:50am
409: MissStix says:

Ohh I feel very happy to see people learning from me! And I did not have to “force” anything or get “advicey”. Lovely.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:50am
410: Heart says:

#400 – Tam – wow…I feel sorry to hear that…i guess the reality of all of this is finally sinking in….

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:53am
411: mlc says:

408 Miss Stix, FW

You both are lovely.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:54am
412: MissStix says:

mlc

I am hoping for a positive resolution for you both! Sending vibes that he will be open and receptive of your feelings, and needs and that he will see clearly there is no blame here, just humanity. Honesty and openness all around!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:54am
413: Starla says:

good luck with the waking up early, bloom! i’ll be focusing on the same. will let you know how it goes

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:56am
414: mlc says:

411 – iss Stix

Thank you for your wisdome and support.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:56am
415: MissStix says:

Femininewoman 391

I feel so blessed by Rori for this. The ability to open myself wide and speak my own truth. It does feel brave. I believe it looks brave! Oh I feel a little tingle in my belly to think I probably look totally like a brave girl to my man.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:58am
416: MissStix says:

Brave feels really exciting! Like little sparks and like shouting “I can do anything!” lol

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:01am
417: Tam says:

409…Heart, thank you. I feel understood…I feel also that my reality about how I really feel is finally sinking in.
I feel defeated and kind of violated….he did nothing except what he wants to do though, so that is strange. Selling the boat without taking me one last time feels like having two fingers shoved at me.

He knows full well how much it all meant to me because I spoke to him about it often. Maybe hence the hiding now? Who cares.
All I care about it that I am being ignored and blindsided and it has reminded me of all the negative aspects in the last two years and how I used to put up with it all.
No longer.

I am not high value or pursuable in his eyes…and someone who knows how to make me happy (and knows I am somewhat feeling uncomfy in my present situation) and doesn’t even try, is no longer worth thinking about in my eyes – friend or whomever else.

I feel disappointed with myself for having given him so much space in my brain. Notwithstanding that he’s a good man in some respects. But not good enough for me.
That’s ok.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:01am
418: MissStix says:

Bloom-ing

<3

Have a glorious weekend with moms!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:03am
419: Tam says:

In some ways I would have liked to have seen him just once, to see how I really feel after all these months (turned off, happy, sad)….but if my itsy bitsy boundaries – being picked up and having plans in advance – prompt him to run, and beforehand laugh at me suggesting it might be a ‘date’ (God forbid), well then I can live without seeing him.
That’s that.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:11am
420: Miss Bells says:

#376
HS has always been prickly and defensive.
Especially about OW when this problem entered our relationship after at the 4 year mark.
I left a note saying I couldn’t do this anymore, plus taking a bunch more stuff–plants and things that I had been leaving there even though I had “officially” moved out. I was entirely ready to walk away.
His response REALLY surprised me.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:13am
421: MissStix says:

Tam

All other humans aside…You are wonderful! And one day, in the near future you will be being wonderful you, and a man will see you and he will say “I want HER in my life.”. And he won’t necessarily know how, or why. He just will. How you feel will be important to him. It will be a part of him. You will melt into him with ease because you will know, no matter what you feel you are safe.

And I want you to know…Most of the time I have the urge to give you a high five or a hip bump, (even when you’re barfing ) Because something tells me you’re always powering forward even when you feel like you’re taking steps back.

<3

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:16am
422: Heart says:

I feel calm right now.
I feel centered…

I remember Smile writing she felt sky blue on the inside…
Can I borrow that Smile?

I feel sky blue on the inside…in this moment.
II feel calm and centered.
Ebb and flow….

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:20am
423: Femininewoman says:

I love the feeling of nostalgia. It reminds me that I am powerful. I can hide the memory of lovely feelings in my cells so I can call them forth at will.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:30am
424: Goddess Lily says:

@420 Tam, I feel the same as MissStix. I see positive growth.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:31am
425: MissStix says:

422

Love this!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:32am
426: Femininewoman says:

Hi ,

My intention today is to share with you a small gift…

One which the medical world makes an unbelievable amount of money treating…

But my gift to you today is how to be free of depression forever!

Today’s gift, again is a simple series of mindset techniques, which when you learn and apply it will remove any existing depression and prevent any future depression from happening…

Sounds impossible I know, but it’s simple really as you will very shortly find out…

In fact, if you apply this technique straight away then depending on how depressed you are…

You will either free yourself of it entirely, or reduce it so much that you WILL KNOW that by continuing to use these techniques you really can once and for all be free of depression!.

So grab a drink, click here and enjoy learning right now ‘How to be FREE of Depression TODAY!’

http://www.abugfreemind.com/well-being/dealing-with-depression/

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:33am
427: MissStix says:

After reading the article bloom-ing posted…

I know now that yesterday I was shedding this skin. The need to isolate. I felt confused and sad and lost because I still had worries and urges to isolate even though there is nothing happening in my life to trigger this, and I am no longer afraid. It was triggering itself. It was saying to me “It’s time to let me go.”. So freeing.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:36am
428: Heart says:

#420….omg Miss stix…how awesome….i want that…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:36am
429: Heart says:

*melts

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:40am
430: Heart says:

＃４２２ – gosh, that’s beautiful FW

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:42am
431: Smile says:

Hi sirens! I’m feeling exciting for strummingman cooking me tea. He was texting all last night. He told me he adored me and tonight will be perfect

Just getting ready now. Can’t wait to feel the warmth of the shower.

Going through everything in my head. Need to switch to feeling mode.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:45am
432: Smile says:

Heart,

I feel sky blue inside.

Actually Daria suggested this to me a while back as a ‘fun’ feeling. I love it. I want everyone to feel sky blue inside!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:46am
433: Heart says:

Have fun Smile … ^_^

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:47am
434: Heart says:

Oooh …TY Daria

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:50am
435: Annie says:

Things I love and make me feel good about getting, no spots, no greasy hair. Tolerating less bullshit. Accepting myself more. And the best, becoming multi orgasmic and having stronger and better orgasms oh yes! Who would have thought it

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:56am
436: Annie says:

434: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

Things I love and make me feel good about getting OLDER* no spots, no greasy hair. Tolerating less bullshit. Accepting myself more. And the best, becoming multi orgasmic and having stronger and better orgasms oh yes! Who would have thought it

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:57am
437: MissStix says:

Omgosh I am being bombarded with words that I need!

Thank you FW!

I am ready for a bug free mind!

I am not depressed, but I can see all the little bugs in my mind holding me back from success!

“It’s so much work!”

You, thought, are not serving me in a helpful way. You are dropped. You are replaced with:

“Work is fun when you love what you’re doing.”

I always build things up in my mind, surrounding successful career, and family life and then tear that structure down by convincing myself it’s all too difficult and i’m destined to slave away working for someone else. I will fail if I try. No. I’ve had enough of that. I have my emotional self firmly built up and ready to face whatever comes. My love facet is glittering. My self esteem facet is casting gloriois rainbows on the walls of my life. My surface is crystal clear and shining. It’s time for an existance that reflects this.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:58am
438: MissStix says:

I am not afraid of success.

I am not afraid of shining.

I am not afraid of welcoming everything wonderful and good into my life.

I have the stride to walk through anything.

I am ready to create a beautiful life for myself.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:07am
439: Heart says:

I should have expressed my feelings to CudG about the FB pictures…Wow. Just keeping that in and pretending to be ok just made me distance myself and push him away…

If I had to do it over again I would have said:

I feel embarassed and scared to mention this
but
I feel jealous and unsafe and well really confused when I see pictures of you with other women.
I’m just a girl here and I want to feel special.
I want to feel safe.
What do you think?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:11am
440: Dominique says:

Siren Angel – 322 – Thank you. I feel honored and humbled, and all filled up.

Love to you.

xxoo

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:14am
441: mlc says:

436 – Miss Stix

I will fail if I try.

You only fail if you don’t try.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:15am
442: MissStix says:

And maybe, I too, need to pull my focus from this blog for a few days. It is friday…I am hosting the man overnight at my place. He is bringing us a yummy home cooked dinner and I am providing the space to exist in. He is bringing himself over by transit. Making his own way to me. Making his own effort. All I have to do is exist, in my own space, and allow him to occupy that space with me. Allow him to want to. Allow him to want me to want him to. Oh yum. This feels like a perfect rainy a$$ day to begin a new journey. Creating a positive projection in every facet of my life. Especially those facets that have taken a back seat lately…My own career dreams. My own finances. It is time! And I will report back next friday

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:15am
443: Heart says:

I am going to remember that for future reference.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:16am
444: Dominique says:

And Iamabutterfly. <3

xxoo

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:16am
445: Dominique says:

Tam – 323, 326 – Yes, yes, yes!!!

xxoo

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:17am
446: MissStix says:

mlc

Thank you for that reminder. I am clinging to something here…Something I feel successful with. I do this. It is totally time to jump into something I am not yet successful at and become successful at it!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:18am
447: Tam says:

Miss Stix, I feel all tearful after reading your comment to me. Thank you, that was sweet

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:18am
448: Tam says:

Smile, how wonderful, can’t wait to hear

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:19am
449: mlc says:

I am not afraid of success.

I am not afraid of shining.

I am not afraid of welcoming everything wonderful and good into my life.

How about this;

I AM NOT AFRAID

I am successful

I am bright and shiny

The floodgates of my good and wealth now open!

You are a jewel, Miss Stix

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:21am
450: Belle says:

425
FW

I feel a resonance with this information!
I’ve been noticing more and more how much control I do have over my feelings.
My car battery died the other night, and I started to feel distress.
I thought, “well, I’m going to get help and whatever is going to happen is going to happen the same whether I feel happy or distressed over it..”
which made me beam and laugh and feel patient and open-hearted and of course a few people came along to help me and everything was fine.

At first I was being sireny with myself, talking to myself saying, “I don’t want to feel x, what do you think?”
More and more often, I feel commanding.
“NO, I don’t want to feel confused/depressed/sad/guilty/whatever.” I like to shake my head “nooooooo” and shake it off.

On the subject of habits of thought –
My thinking has been more clear since I’ve been more honest about my feelings and taken a few risks in being emotionally vulnerable…I’ve noticed so many times recently where I’ve made a wrong turn (literally! on the road!) and then sort of doodled along “Oh, I meant to do this, this is interesting, let’s see where this road goes!”

At least 3 if not more times in the past two weeks I caught this kind of thinking and stopped and turn around. It’s one of the ways I was lying to myself and unconsciously creating difficulty for myself without realizing it. Resistance to admitting I made a mistake and in a way, a manifestation of victim consciousness, “Oh well, I’m on this road, might as well keep going…oh, I wanted to check out this place on the corner anyway! Umm..no I didn’t I just made that up so I wouldn’t have to go to the ‘trouble’ of turning around.
And what drives that?
Oh, right, shame.
Because I passed the library, wanting to know if it was open. It didn’t “look” open, so I drove through the parking lot and back around the corner. Because someone might see me get out of my car and walk up to a closed library and think I’m stupid. For not knowing for sure just by looking. And I might feel embarrassed and ashamed.

*facepalm*

I did turn around and go back and walk up to the door and someone sitting there DID see me and let me know they don’t open until 1pm.
I survived to tell the tale (I’m literally lol’ing at myself right now).

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:22am
451: Tam says:

You know, Sirens, I was walking to the shops and am still processing.
I see this pattern so clearly:
I have a bf – he asks if we can have a relationship
I am single – he asks to downgrade it to ‘fwb’
I ask for his Condo – no reply
Finds out I have a place – offers the Condo
Talks about boating when I am back here – doesn’t ask me while he still has the boats. Waits for contact until he sold them.
Asks me out – tells me he is here at a time when I couldn’t arrange transport even if I wanted to, and doesn’t offer to pick me up.

It’s all just mindf*ck. That’s what it is. And I have been always forgiving because I know he has issues and problems with social stuff and relating to people and expressing himself.
BUT he knows what he is doing also, he has explained to me before that he is a sh** sometimes to his friends and family…and realises afterwards.
He knows.
And I actually apologised about the misunderstanding last week (because I felt at fault also, not just him) – and he said ‘don’t worry, I am in a good mood’.
Ah. Ok. Not even acknowledging that he had part in it too.
I don’t want to be a willing partner in the mindf*ck game anymore.
Please remind me in due course, because when he comes back in 3 months time I will need to be reminded.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:26am
452: Belle says:

Oh, and another horrible, terrible thing my precious mind has been protecting me from…
oh, please, don’t DARE make a u-turn or turn around on a dead end street when OTHER PEOPLE are LOOKING…oh gawd, they might know I am confused and don’t know where I’m going and am lost…
they might even shake their heads and say something judgmental about it.
horrors!

I feel ready for a bug-free mind, too.
sheesh.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:29am
453: Tam says:

..the other side of the odd behaviour was the clingyness…he used to get freaked out when I got up to go to the bathroom ‘are you leaving?’
Or when I had to leave, he would get grumpy.
All very very strange.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:32am
454: Tam says:

urgh. I feel dread in my stomach. I used to love the clingyness. Why? It was not cute, it was odd and it felt odd.
Oh maybe this is all a very very good thing
Yes, it is.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:34am
455: Simply Goddess says:

I received a text today.. Friday so he breaks up for the weekend..
“After arguing last week and working Ive said I will take daughter horse riding tomorrow so do you want to come?” (Meaning its usually the weekend me and him have time together as he works nights all week and we dont see each other.. I said this week I wanted time to think and maybe we should both think about how we can make each other feel better.. So hes thought.. oow the only time we have together I’ll have **** aswell.. I love daughter and have a great relationship with her but since her mum had another baby shes extremly clingy and jealous of me and her dad and tries to play us off.. He completly changes when she comes aswell and they seem to go against me together sometimes.. If he has no rezpect neither does she.. (Shes only 7) and it hurts.. It often isnt enjoyable for me being around anymore as I cant go near him.. He senses it too and changes and acts as thought Im more like his second child when shes around.. Tries to treat us same.. Its tough but it makes me feel icky.. Im an adult.. She sleeps in bed with us when shes here.. and doesnt leave our side for days on end and does not have a ed time.. He could not for one minute tell her she had to go to bed! haha no chance

Am I wrong to feel quite pissed.. Alot of our arguments have centred around this horse riding.. money.. time etc.. Hes now booked her in to go every week which means more money (v expensive) and an hour drive there and back every sat.. I guess I just hoped the time apart would make him make an effort..

I’ve said I’ll meet up to chat tonight.. He only finishes work late though and will have to be up early and go tomorrow now.. So prob wont talk much..

I just feel angry and resentment building.. How can I chanel this anger.. Should I tell him?
You wont understand the whole situation around this unless you’d lived it with me..
Maybe Im in the wrong I just have so much resentment.. Just I guess Id love to feel treasured and cherished and I dont feel it.. I wish things could go back to the way things were wiht us all..

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:55am
456: Rori Raye says:

Finding Me – Exclusivity is the problem here. I wrote so much, I’m going to put your question and my answer into a post – look for it – I’ll use the name “Finding Me”…Love, Rori

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:57am
457: Heart says:

Tam – I just figured it all out for u…

Mr. P is Gay.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:00am
458: Tam says:

457..hahahahahahahahaha Heart you just made me laugh sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

Who knows?
I am pretty sure he isn’t….but you know what, who knows.

This reminds me, I once had this very strange guy after me. And when he realised I didn’t like him in that way, he said ‘ah, guess you are a Lesbian’
Too funny – how’s that for self-confidence.
I just stood open mouthed!!

Yeah, he must be gay

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:03am
459: Heart says:

Tam –

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:10am
460: Tam says:

I want to manifest boating friends now…hm.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:17am
461: Daria says:

“All you have to do is notice the thought, see if it is helping or hurting you. If it is hurting then say, ‘There is no benefit to me of you being here, so I don’t require you anymore.’ If the thought helps you and makes you feel good… then why not expand on the thought.”

Andy Shaw

From Bloomings post

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:25am
462: Tam says:

I feel like I had to start all over again since I got here. But that’s ok. I will do what it takes.
I will start over and over and over again until I got it.
I will sink into my feelings, whatever come up, whether anger, fear, sadness…and I will try to re-direct my thoughts to those feelings”:
happiness, serenity, joy and peacefulness.
I can do this.
I know how to do this.
All will be well.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:31am
463: Daria says:

Oops it’s from Femininwomans post. Sorry Femininewoman and blooming

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:42am
464: Daria says:

I’m really Diggin that I don’t require u anymore tool. It’s working for me.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:56am
465: Femininewoman says:

RE 464 Do you mind sharing it?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 12:06pm
466: Heart says:

Ok so the ice-cream, tears and pop music worked.

I feel so embarassed.
My gosh….Clarity…
I love you Embarassed Self….you are so endearing and funny an girly in your embarassed state.

well I can see that I was giving Cuddlegrinch way to much energy and making him Way too important.
I guess it’s the expected behavior when someone pulls away…but I dont even think of it as him pulling away now…

I see that he’s just living his life…and doesn’t owe me Anything.

Gosh I feel icky thinking about all my expectations of Yesterday.
I hope this state of mind stays…Sometimes I can go around in a circle…

Anyway I feel so bored now.
I feel fluid on the inside.
I feel a little sad that true love is not in my life….
Would be nice .
But meh,,,Im ok!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 12:16pm
467: Silver Moonbeam says:

#350 Tam

As Byron Katie would say is it any of your business?

There’s my business, your business and G*d’s business……

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 12:48pm
468: Femininewoman says:

not feeling that way about yourself right now – meet yourself where you are. Start from exactly where you are and how you feel about yourself – and aim for LOVE. Aim for loving yourself so hard, and believing that you can do what you’re meant to do and want to do, and have what you want to have so profoundly that ONLY a man who can make your vison of yourself and your life even BRIGHTER and BIGGER get’s allowed private time with you.

Let me know how this works for you…let’s all get BIG.

Love, Rori

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 12:49pm
469: Daria says:

here it is FeminineWoman

it’s from your post

“All you have to do is notice the thought, see if it is helping or hurting you. If it is hurting then say, ‘There is no benefit to me of you being here, so I don’t require you anymore.’ If the thought helps you and makes you feel good… then why not expand on the thought.”

Andy Shaw

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 1:18pm
470: Tam says:

I manifested a boat trip, well they are public trips but an old man just walked up to me on the pier and said ‘want to go on a boat trip?’
happy thank you more please.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 1:50pm
471: Siren Angel says:

Simply Goddess,

If I may express from my experience in regards to the child of your partner in a relationship. I would stay away from any conflict situation that has to do with his daughter. You can’t win. It is up to you to decide what you will accept, and you take the whole package as is, or nothing.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 2:28pm
472: Femininewoman says:

Thot you meant a Rori Tool. Thanks

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 2:52pm
473: luzydel says:

I miss sex; I miss being with a man in bed fooling around, touching…

Who knows when it will happen again, but I want to feel the feeling of good sex,

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:32pm
474: Goddess Lily says:

I miss going on a “proper” date. One where I feel elated at the end. I had that with my last relationship but then that turned out that we really weren’t compatible. But that sure was a great date!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:35pm
475: Butterfly Wings says:

I’m feeling a little triggered when I read about sirens pointing out that they know of women who are masculine/bossy/overfunctioning but are married.

I also have a friend like this. She’s married alright – and MISERABLE.

Her husband is also unhappy. The second she opens her mouth (to boss him around usually) I see him physically retreat.

So to be married is not the goal – it’s to be HAPPILY married. This couple will probably stay together for years, putting on a show to the outside world that all is well and happy. But behind closed doors, there’s a very different life happening.

It’s so sad really. I’ve tried to talk to her about what Rori teaches but she’s just not open to it. But she is very much the man and tries to control EVERYTHING around her. And she is miserable as a result.

I would rather be single than be miserable in an unhappy marriage while pretending to the world that life is all sunny and roses…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:39pm
476: Daria says:

wow yay thank you for doing all my t-tapp movements!

yay!!!

i feel achy tightness on sides my knee i am allowing my tissues to restructure realign and heal in the new more powerful way

also i want to do my leg stretches so that my fascia feel elongated and flexible and im not pulling on them awwww

(((Daria’s tissues))))

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 3:54pm
477: Daria says:

golly wally i feel so good

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:01pm
478: Daria says:

my outer knee attachments are building strength

ohh i feeel sleepy

it feels so much gooder to do my t-tapp when my spine is strong and flexible now

yum

mmmmm

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:17pm
479: Daria says:

i dont feel like a grunting orc , i feel like a dolphin

even my sounds are not grunts, theyre more like sensual

“ohh” “ohh” ss

i felt surprised

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:18pm
480: Daria says:

aha also i may be pushing too hard during plies and dropping too low – i drop really low

thanks for checking for me Daria

you are so careful with me!!!

yum i feel so cared for

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:27pm
481: Daria says:

ah and im taking too wide a stance for me… i know i have had unsually tight hips as far as sitting crosslegged and this is related

i feel scared im not giving a good name to ttapp and im going to be admonished to ‘be careful’

and i want it to be seen as the most amazing healing movement ever like i see it

(((Daria))))

you are so brave to be so open

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:30pm
482: Daria says:

soft knee bend and soft klt position

not hardcore Cementing it rigidly in place like i was

oohhhh i love soft

(((Daria))))

that will make it feel more fluid and yummie too

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:33pm
483: Daria says:

wow top of body form really does seem to protect my knees. i feel puzzled

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:36pm
484: Daria says:

well i will practice it this new way special for me

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 4:39pm
485: Heart says:

lalala I feel good…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:11pm
486: Tam says:

me too Heart..I have manifested a boat trip and I went for happy hour with a friend…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:18pm
487: Daria says:

wow Tam! i feel inspired at manifesting

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 5:35pm
488: Heart says:

Awesome Tam….yay boat trip!

I took my-little-girl to a park and let her play on the swings.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:07pm
489: Tereana says:

Today, it appears to me as if “what I want” (ie what other people interpret that I want) and “what I think I want” are two completely different things. They are like different entities. Fraternal twins, who grew up in the same womb, but are in no way identical, and are running about in the world in completely different directions.

And What I Think I Want seems apparent to me. This is the quiet child that lives at home. I see him all the time – why doesn’t anyone else notice him? This other kid – doesn’t even feel like it comes from me. This one is wild. He runs around the world, going places I don’t know about; talking to people I’ve never seen. I can’t keep track of him. Yet this is the one that everyone sees. He makes noise. And people are always telling me about him, and I’m like, what are you talking about? My desires are right here with me! But they don’t see that one. They see this other one that I don’t even know or have a relationship with.

Maybe I have him up at birth. Maybe he scared me – something about him was dark. So I rejected him. I kept the “safe” desires. The quiet ones. I, myself, did not want to be noticed. And yet this little darkling, he wants me back, apparently. Yet I don’t know how to deal with him or accept him.

What is a mother to do??…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:08pm
490: Janie Baby says:

Rori, my boyfriend asked me if i wanted to grab a bite to eat today around 5:30 ..6 after he’s done working out and i said sure.

I’ve been doing the past 2 weeks of leaning back and not initiating anything first, but I felt restless, lost control and called him three times from 5:50 to 6 pm. He didn’t respond, so I texted “I don’t like being flaked on. I feel upset and hesitant to agree to plans with you again. I want to hang out with someone who makes me feel special.” I’m sad, and I feel like crying. What do I do? I’m so tired of feeling like the second option all the time, but when I say that he does something to fix it like take me to a nice date wednesday night but then stupid things like today. I want him to look forward to plans with me. I hate it and I feel like crying but I really don’t want to be sad about this. Advice? I feel out of control.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:09pm
491: Tereana says:

I am trying not to feel this feeling, but I have it: jealousy. I am trying to believe in the “ocean of love” philosophy, versus the “pie of love,” there’s not enough, mentality. And yet, it pains me to see my friends, every day, getting engaged, getting married, getting pregnant, having babies.

I feel outside of it all. There may be an ocean, but I feel stranded, nowhere near the river of life that leads there…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:14pm
492: Daria says:

i just came up w a brilliant idea

my coach facebook friend asked what she should do a dating program for women about

and i said… finances

i havent seen any coaches cover it in depth

how can i be a woman that receives fancy gifts, houses, fancy dates if youve always been that woman who pays for herslef and bails men out who rely on women for support?

and how can you inspire men to step up and take charge here if he’s never done it before or seen it in his family? how to believe in him without compromising her energy and time?

i still feel way behind on this (tho obviously ive made leaps forward)

compared to some women . and i have a belief that men are very afraid of this, being taken advantage of, ‘gold diggers’ etc but yet some women still get this extra great treatment without prostituting themselves or compromising hteir integrity

i Want that! i want to be marilyin monroe honored

i want men to lay their money at my feet without trippin

i want to receive it and reduce my anxiety around it and just feel safe that ill always be taken care of by men

there are women who are like this naturally – or learned im sure – all the time

i want that safety

hmmhhhhh

i dont judge men for learning to pick up women and have sex, i think its a great step in personal authority to be able to fulfill his own needs

and i want the flipside of hte coin, the fancy dates, fancy gifts

i feel so far behind! and i feel so triggered, scared and also ashamed to deal with this

boo hoo

i want to heal this

i would love to have a great program on healing this

i want rori to help me with this

i can get chill dates and small gifts but dang

some women get jewelry, exotic trips, houses bought for them

i want that!

without feeling icky or like im ‘lying’

eek

triggered

this is ‘evil’ this is ‘wrong’ this is ‘manipulative’ this is the worst of women

hehe

no wonder im blocked on it

heal heal heal

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:17pm
493: Tam says:

Heart, swings, love it..

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:18pm
494: Daria says:

i just came up w a brilliant idea

my coach facebook friend asked what she should do a dating program for women about

and i said… finances

i havent seen any coaches cover it in depth

how can i be a woman that receives fancy gifts, houses, fancy dates if youve always been that woman who pays for herslef and bails men out who rely on women for support?

and how can you inspire men to step up and take charge here if he’s never done it before or seen it in his family? how to believe in him without compromising her energy and time?

i still feel way behind on this (tho obviously ive made leaps forward)

compared to some women . and i have a belief that men are very afraid of this, being taken advantage of, ‘gold diggers’ etc but yet some women still get this extra great treatment without prostituting themselves or compromising hteir integrity

i Want that! i want to be marilyin monroe honored

i want men to lay their money at my feet without trippin

i want to receive it and reduce my anxiety around it and just feel safe that ill always be taken care of by men

there are women who are like this naturally – or learned im sure – all the time

i want that safety

hmmhhhhh

i dont judge men for learning to pick up women and have sex, i think its a great step in personal authority to be able to fulfill his own needs

and i want the flipside of hte coin, the fancy dates, fancy gifts

i feel so far behind! and i feel so triggered, scared and also ashamed to deal with this

boo hoo

i want to heal this

i would love to have a great program on healing this

i want rori to help me with this

i can get chill dates and small gifts but dang

some women get jewelry, exotic trips, houses bought for them

i want that!

without feeling icky or like im ‘lying’

eek

triggered

this is ‘e*vil’ this is ‘wrong’ this is ‘manipulative’ this is the worst of women

hehe

no wonder im blocked on it

heal heal heal

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:19pm
495: Daria says:

Janie Baby – big hugs! what i would do based on Rori’s advice and seems to work for many women is to NOT call or text (that ive done and it does NOT work it definitely pushes the man away and its an anxiety thing and i dont really feel better long term)

instead if he calls after scheduled time, i say, oh i didnt hear from you and i made other plans, itd feel great to do it another time (and do something nice for you meanwhile)

it sounds like letting him off the hook but actually if a woman is never available last minute or late then it just makes it way easy on her to just forget about it and do seomthing else great… the guy will eventually get it that he has to be on time to get her time… and she won’t have to do any work or stress about it, and it will feel good to honor herself! (it might feel scary to say it the first time, but it will also feel thrilling and SOO good)

so it really doesnt matter What he does, he’ll get her time only when its good for her (as in on time for the date)

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:25pm
496: Tereana says:

I reminded myself today: I could have gotten married if I really wanted to. I was engaged at 27 and that felt good. I liked that. He loved me. What was wrong with it? Why did I bail? I still don’t really know, and that feels like why I can’t trust myself.

I was young, I had no idea. But even though I’ve grown up more, I still don’t know that I wouldn’t “freak out” on the same situation.

I feel jealous of people to whom this comes so easily. How do they do it? I feel jealous of people who can simply let life happen without needing or trying to control. I feel sad for myself that I have such a need for control. I feel sad for myself that, when presented with the opportunity for closeness and intimacy, I choose aloneness and separation.

I feel sad for myself, I really do. And maybe this pity party is why. Like there is some kind of virtue in it.

But there’s not.

No one profits by my sadness. No ones life is improved when I live in isolation. Nobody is filled with joy when I’m crying.

Being “happy” feels like just a cover for all my sadness. I don’t know why I have so much sad. I just hope that, someway, somehow, there is a way for life and for love to find me to be a good place to stay. I know sadness, like any feeling, is not forever….

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 6:29pm
497: Sirenity says:

Have a CD calling me a lot and now telling me he “really really” likes me and wants to meet again soon. He lives 2 hours away and we have had 5 dates in total.

Thing is I dont feel any chemistry for him. I have given it time. I feel a bit turned off when he kisses me . I think this is more so because he kept trying to kiss me passionately in the middle of the street at mid day and I felt YIIIIIK about that .Two 50 plus year olds snogging on the footpath felt repulsive to me. In fact I felt repulsed by him!! Later alone i felt angry that he was discussing having sex as if it was a business negotiation. I felt very turned off when I asked him if he had protection and he looked surprised!! And said he would go home and get some …YUUUUUKKKK.That felt cringey blech that there was no passion inside me and he was just talking about it like it was going to a cash point to get cash before shopping . I said no I did not want to have sex .He then down graded the offer to “going down ” on me , and when that was rebuffed he offered to massage my shoulders. It felt like he was giving off a needy vibe, NOT a masculine sexy vibe..I feel a bit sick remembering this.

Anyway , I feel demanding girly like “he can come see me if he wants and take me out and he isnt getting sex ” I feel a bit “biatchy and precious ” and I like feeling like that because its good for my vibe and I want to feel ALIVE with a man, not numb and shut off. Biatchy vibe feels good right now!!!

So i want to keep him for practice but not get physical . And I am judging myself and feeling “bad” for “leading a man on” I hear the little mice voices telling me I cant “practice” on a man . My logical me says that I can and will , because he is , after all , practicing on me too .:)

So , questions… Do I tell him my feelings up front ?
Do I continue to CD him and keep the physical stuff light? Is it ethical to continue practicing with a man who is really into you ? Could my feelings change?

He is well matched in many ways , but I feel no spark.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 7:20pm
498: Butterfly Wings says:

TH is now in another country for the next three weeks. I have a very full weekend ahead, and am actually excited about trying out my new gym tomorrow night.

I’m also going to start my studies again. I’m a certified life coach but want to expand into health and wellness, so spent last night going through my notes for that where I had to self assess where I was at the time… And all I can say is WOW! I have come such a long way this last year! I feel so proud of myself!

I can do this!!! And I’m probably going to have to get some extra income because it seems my dog may have a tumor! :-\

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:08pm
499: Heart says:

Sirenity – hmmmm i suppose u need to weigh your repulsion and/or conscience against your desire to practice the tools.

Focus on your chest & stomach area and do what makes you feel sea-like and flowy on the inside…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:36pm
500: Heart says:

BW – is TH your bf?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:40pm
501: LiliBee says:

497:

Wow BW,

I feel impressed by how resourceful you are

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:45pm
502: Sirenity says:

Thanks Heart..”flowy and sea like ” is a great way to feel.I can imagine the feeling.

Hmmmmm…If i think of him kissing me I feel tense and tight like a spiky anemone in my belly.

If I think of him complimenting me and calling and CHASING me I feel like a goddess in a flowy Grecian gown..

Guess I just want the vibe and the ego stroke

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 8:55pm
503: LiliBee says:

I told D Wednesday night that this time I spent alone really did me alot of good and gave me time to think about what I wanted.
I also said I couldn’t keep waiting around for him, I have to live my life.
I said it doesn’t feel good to be seeing him only 2 hours a week.
I cried, and said I can’t keep feeling this way.

The next morning, I woke up, sank into my feelings stuck in traffic listening to Rori’s Lovescripts.
I felt triggered, I got to feeling impatient boy action energy.
I poured that onto my work.
As the day went by, I started feeling angrier and angrier.
I felt really triggered at something D said to me as he left:
He said “Keep reading the book, following your therapy. I’m scared you’ll keep doing the same things over again.”
That triggered me really bad!
I felt like a child being punished, sent to the corner to think about what she did.
I felt humiliation.

An angel siren helped me work out that trigger, and I saw it!
I felt what it feels like to be on the receiving end of what I do.
When I blame and walk out to leave him to think about what he has done.

Oh, I love these triggers.

Funny how I don’t feel like beating myself on the head for it like I used to.
I feel rather giggly.
I can be funny that way.
It all feels useless now, being the allmighty powerful parent to the man.
Wow, that feels ridiculous.
I feel like “ohhhhh, woooow, that’s what I was doing, powertripping.”
Getting to know me really well.
I love silly feeling me.

And that book he was referring to, is a book he ordered and I borrowed 2 months ago.
I wonder if he’s urging me to read coz he read it?
There I go being in his head again.

I have started reading it, and it’s a darn good book!
Very realistic and very Rorilike in managing emotions, feelings and communicating them.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:08pm
504: Butterfly Wings says:

499 Heart – He’s not my bf in an “official” sense, but I suppose he is in every other way.

He contacts me every day, we see each other almost every day, he buys me gifts, he takes me out, we go to gym together 3-4 times a week, and he is most likely coming with me to my sister’s wedding next year.

So yeah. I have everything except the official “label” I guess…

He is also exclusive with me – not dating anybody else. And I’m the same, although I’m CDing friends as much as I can. And I’m catching up with a former CD next week for a drink.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:08pm
505: Sirenity says:

BW ..I think that question .”.Is he your BF ? ” seems to get to the crux of the matter .

Is he your BF?
Your lover?
Your FWB?
Your Life Partner ?

Reading your posts I couldnt help but feeling bad that he had down graded your “non relationship” lately to..I dont know what..

If you see someone all the time and have sex with them but there is no future planning and no emotional responsibility for them , then what is that?

I had difficulty with this in the past. In the end I felt very bad when I wasnt offered a relationship , in fact it was downgraded to FWB and I felt very confused about what was happening and eventually passively accepted that status ..or lack thereof. I felt more confused because he involved me in his family life and events and did all sorts of things for me that looked like a relationship .

I feel deep pain as I remember that small inner part of me that KNEW the truth and cried out for recognition. That little girl part understood that he was using me for the benefits of a relationship without responsibility or commitment .Eventually she started kicking and screaming and hollering to get what she needed..she just needed love ..to give and receive. Instead she was getting the dime store fake..

I still feel angry and sick when i think how I didnt listen to her till too late.

Sorry BW I went off on my own little rant there ..not meant to be about you . I like how you are doing your own thing . i hope you are CD ing too.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:10pm
506: Sirenity says:

I have answered my own questions about whether to keep seeing Chaser CD .

I realised I have been trying to take care of HIS feelings..no way!!!

Hearts use of the word “conscience” triggered me..like I was maybe doing something wrong..but I relaise it feels RIGHT to explore friendship and just remain open about that.

He is a big boy and can take care of himself as long as I am honest. I have just told him I am not ready for sex unless i am in a relationship . This is my truth. Finding out whether there is any chance of a relationship “growing ” or attraction feelings for him to spark is a process which he can choose to take part in or abort at any time he chooses..

This feels fabulous to realise ..I have been trying to protect mens feelings in the past.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:19pm
507: Butterfly Wings says:

Sirenity, he is talking of the future, including buying a house together. I’m not hanging onto that though, because until it happens, I want to keep my expectations out of it. I want to keep the pressure off as much as possible.

So for now I’m just focusing on myself as much as I can. I am CDing, although I’m not actively dating other men. I do have drinks with a guy next week though – I’m not interested in him (sooo not my type!) but he’s a really nice guy. Plus I have some girl’s nights planned too.

The other night TH also told me that he doesn’t consider himself single, which I was a little surprised but comforted by.

I think that he’s just wanting to feel safe again after my depression-related meltdown. He is justifiably feeling wary until some time passes and he can see that my meltdown was something that’s not going to happen again, and is definitely not a part of the “normal” me.

When my mother had depression, she was warned by her doctor that in many cases, the man doesn’t stick around at all, because he doesn’t know how to deal with it. TH did step back, but he’s still there in more ways than before we “broke up”, so I guess I can feel comforted in the fact that he’s still there because he wants to be there- despite me trying to end it several times over the last few months!

I am struggling with the uncertainty, but am also handling it MUCH better than I used to, and my focus is very much on me more than him lately too. I am actually enjoying having time to myself too, and sometimes I turn down his invites for that reason.

I have NO idea where this is going, but I know I can cope with whatever happens…

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:24pm
508: Butterfly Wings says:

I love reading about your processing LiliBee.

And I love how you’re able to really identify what’s going on for you. Truly inspirational!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:26pm
509: LiliBee says:

506:

You’re lookin good BW.

The book I’m reading says that what determines if a relationship will grow to last is how a couple can deal through hard times together, and that’s how real strong love bonds grow.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:31pm
510: LiliBee says:

507:

Thank You BW. That means alot to me

I told Siren Angel about it over the phone.
She kept bringing me back to me when I was blamey.
It really helped me sooth my anger and get to feeling calm and open to learning about myself.

And your encouragements BW, really feel so good to hear every time.

We have alot in common all 3 of us.
We make great “S3x in the City” gal pals

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:39pm
511: Butterfly Wings says:

Ha! I have often said to friends and to TH that if we get through all that we’ve been through without killing each other, we have a very strong chance of growing old and happy together! lol

And I soooo need to come visit you gals! Or vice versa!

I’ve done a lot of thinking lately and I can see very clearly now that he is just afraid that the ugly, nasty me will be back (my ex husband can vouch for how bad things were when I went through something similar in 2004 – but by then HE was stuck with me cos we were married! lol). And it will take time for him to get clear about that. As my gf said to me the other day, “What’s the hurry BW?”. Hmmm… it’s not like I’m wanting to have more babies or anything, and I’ve got a few good years in me yet!

Just like you and SA, I KNOW that whatever happens, we can all cope with it – no matter how awful and hard it feels right now.

xxxxx

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 9:46pm
512: Sirenity says:

I just noticed I felt unworthy , shut out and unimportant because I am not “one of gals” . I dont have an uncommitted man or an undefined relationship like LBee , BW and SA and dont share that gal pal thing they are discussing.

The interesting part is that i “caught” that feeling and the thought ” i am alone, no one understands me” just kind of flashing subliminally through my mind.
I also noticed my response which was to want to withdraw , and sign off the blog .

Whoah..thanks for that trigger which is all about me feeling sad and lonely when i think ” I am left out. Everyone else is understood” and then my desire to withdraw and not socialise.

So excuse my process writing it out here as i think i just rooted it out. Thank you mind

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:24pm
513: Sirenity says:

Its good there is a future on the table BW and I hope there is a relationship there now at this moment in the present as well.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:26pm
514: Sirenity says:

I feel triggered . I am on an online dating site and I receive “kiss ” contacts which are free , asking ME to send THEM an email (which is a paid service) .

I figure if they dont want to pay for an email after picking my profile to make contact , then they are maybe not the guy for me.

It feels like a tense ball inside me when the man online “points” at me and in effect says “hey you, show me what you got and i’ll decide whether i want it or not. And you can pay for it while you are at it.”

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:38pm
515: Butterfly Wings says:

Awww (((Sirenity)))

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:43pm
516: Butterfly Wings says:

513 Sirenity – yeah I used to feel the same way. I figured if he thought I was hot enough, he’d make proper contact!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:44pm
517: Radlove says:

BW,

497 – Fantastic about your new gym and expanding life coach areas!

About the tumor in your dog, I have a theory that a lot of that is from low quality ingredients put in dog food. My vet recommends raw meat and supplements and veggies. Of course that takes transition. If you are interested, he is at quantum vets dot com, I think.

I had a friend from Russia who said dogs there live to be 20-25 cuz they are fed meat and veggies, like leftovers.

I got onto this cuz I had two dogs die of cancer. No more.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 10:56pm
518: Sirenity says:

Thanks BW , I actually feel fine, it was just a little frisson feeling I “caught” and the thought and response were interesting to me as I realise maybe I do that a LOT!!!!

Excellent to notice it here.

Also I see you assume its about your hotness if they dont email and I assume its about their tightness, and i wonder if both are assumptions are wrong?

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:11pm
519: Butterfly Wings says:

Nah Sirenity. It’s more about “If they want to talk to me badly enough, they know what to do”.

And if not, I don’t want them anyway – I want a guy who’s not afraid to go for what he wants, so they easily weeded themselves out back when I was online.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:14pm
520: Sirenity says:

I agree totally BW.
A man who genuinely wants to meet will start by spending a couple of dollars to email the woman. He will not sit back in feminine energy waiting for her to hunt him down.

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:54pm
521: Butterfly Wings says:

That’s how I see it Sirenity. When I was last single 12 years ago, I had the same attitude. I had one guy literally run for it when I told him I had a child, and I thought it was the funniest thing ever because he was so obvious about it.

I’d rather know NOW that I’m wasting my time with a guy than months or years down the track!

Friday, 12 October 2012 @ 11:56pm
522: Silver Moonbeam says:

#333 T-Girl

He gave me his (UK) email address last night, I sent him my mobile number this morning……..we shall see……

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:09am
523: Sirenity says:

Hi SMB. I just resurrected a couple of my old profiles.
It sounds like you are well along the way with online dating.

I have done it for years on and off and I feel good about it overall.
The main thing is just to get the phone calls happening early .
I find a significant number of men who dont call when given the number as requested..they just disappear..

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:17am
524: Silver Moonbeam says:

#497 Sirenity

Oh how well I know those feeling of not being attracted to a man and feeling somehow that you are using him and the guilt and the sex thing was just yuck to hear.

I am behind in the blog so will be interested to hear other Sirens take on things………

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:49am
525: Silver Moonbeam says:

#523 Sirenity

Funny you should say that, one CD has been messaging on the site for about 10 days so I said I am not here for endless messages and I want to meet people IRL, so I gave him my mobile on Wednesday or Thursday, zilch, zero, nada, then this morning he messaged me on the site and said “Good morning, you are up early R xxx.” I have not replied and have no intention of doing so.

Timewasters!!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:51am
526: Daria says:

Yay Silver Moonbeam!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:55am
527: Sirenity says:

SMB I cant figure why they do that!
I assume they want contact but no responsibility..I guess they are filtering themselves out early..
” I feel surprised to read this message. I dont want e-friends only and i am looking for real life contact. Good bye and good luck”

I just had one send me lots of compliments about my beautiful eyes..I noticed he wasnt looking for a relationship so I said “thank you but we dont want the same things” . Then he confessed to being married . he just wanted to compliment me…uuughg.

Maybe your guy is married too?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:08am
528: Vi says:

Just overfunctioned! Feeling unge to beat myself up. Feeling tension in facial muscles. Brows frowning. Feel heaviness in my elbows. I love my tension. I love my brows. I love my elbows. I love the part that does not want to overfunction! I feel glad and smiley there is a part of me that does not want to overfunction! Yay I noticed how I overfunction! This is so great!! I am healing! I feel happy.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:14am
529: Silver Moonbeam says:

Sirenity have you seen that Byron Katie youtube about the woman getting to choose who she sees, it is brilliant!! It’s all about YOU and it resonates so much with Rori’s teachings.

Here it is anyway, I have posted it before on the blog but it’s also time for me to have a re-visit. I believe it was Pl*m who first posted it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgoKKH-R3Pg

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:21am
530: Sirenity says:

Off to watch it now ! Thanks ..I need all the popinters i can get.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:29am
531: Silver Moonbeam says:

#527 Sirenity

Yes, possibly married who knows, I am not wasting any more time on him ‘cos I am a Goddess doncha know lol!!

Scammer man is now non scammer man who lives in North London near to my niece, I will call him J, he is half Spanish/half Brazilian . We have been texting a little bit the half hour, how do I turn this around into a phone call? I know he is a lot younger than me and is probably more into this texting thing than I am………I would like to hear his voice and have a flowing conversation……

Sirens?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:52am
532: Sirenity says:

“Texting with a man feels fun , but it would feel even better to hear your voice. What do you think?”

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 5:02am
533: Silver Moonbeam says:

Update on #525

Same man I will call CDR has since messaged me when he saw me online on the dating site twice, that’s 3 times today when he has my mobile number!!

Second one said “Good afternoon” third one said “Hiya” what is wrong with these men!!!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 5:17am
534: Silver Moonbeam says:

I made a joke to this guy J and he didn’t get it, so I explained it was a joke and he said now he gets it, so I said “I feel a sense of humour is very important, what do you think?” and all he wrote back is “I do too” do I drop it now and wait for him to ask an open ended question?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 5:30am
535: Siren Angel says:

BW @475,

“I would rather be single than be miserable in an unhappy marriage while pretending to the world that life is all sunny and roses…”

I was thinking about just that last night after my yoga… What do I really want? To be married to ‘be married’? To just be with a man I love in a long-term committed relationship? You know where I am going with this… Do I really need to see marriage and even living together right now as the ‘thing I want’ when what I want is ‘the person I love’?

I know this will trigger a lot of Sirens who are here to work on ‘getting married’… What does it really mean? Safety? Certainty? The knowledge he is not going anywhere? And what if he does BECAUSE he feels trapped in marriage? Ok… I know this is ‘against’ the whole work here… I just ponder and wonder.

What do I REALLY want? Will it be so important in 5 years when I have it and am possibly miserable? Will I choose the MAN I want or the MAN WHO WANTS TO MARRY ME? Is it necessarily the same thing?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 5:31am
536: Siren Angel says:

I feel pouty and dissapointed.

But I know it will all be ok, because I am a Siren.

I am a Goddess.
I am amazing.
I am loving. In fact I AM LOVE.
I radiate love and freedom and softness and all things appealing and attractive.
I am irresistible and compelling.
I am the one he wants.
I am the one.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 5:34am
537: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee,

Happy I was able to help last night. Sorry I was so blunt. Yes, that felt blamey.

It made me realize how when we write we have time to think about the words we use, but when we talk and get excited in a conversation, sometimes the wrong words just shoot out and we take a darker path than the one we wanted to take with our talk. It made me realize how tiny simple words here and there make all the difference.

Love your process Lilibee! You are doing great.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 5:38am
538: Daria says:

ohh my mom just came to give me a hug and said… “oh im sorry Daria, im not feeling good today and i might be acting “meanly” ” awwwww

that feels so warming and open and i feel loved and loving and im HEALING yay

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 5:51am
539: Siren Angel says:

SMB @529,

Thank you for the video. This is brilliant.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 6:00am
540: Silver Moonbeam says:

No worries SA, it took me AGES to find it as I had lost all my bookmarks when my laptop crashed a while ago, I watched it again too, it is sooo Rori Raye lol!!

I have bookmarked it again…….

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 6:06am
541: Butterfly Wings says:

535 SA – I don’t want marriage. I’ve done it twice. Don’t need it again.

But what I DO want looks like marriage, but without the ceremony and the piece of paper that states I am married.

I want to be living with someone who intends to stay by my side as we grow old together, experiencing all that life has to give.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 6:08am
542: Starla says:

tonight i’m going to tell warrior i don’t want to date him anymore
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

hehe

i feel happy to ‘lighten’ my load though.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 7:26am
543: Mel says:

Hey Miss Starla,

Did you decide if you wanna propose “just friends” with him?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 7:29am
544: Starla says:

mel, yeah, i’m totally gonna propose it. i do really like him. i just wouldn’t feel safe and secure investing myself romantically any further. it’s not working for me.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 7:53am
545: Starla says:

i love how a-ok i am, even though my life is totally crazy right now.

i love how pushing myself to be the person i knew i could be/do the things i always wanted to do would have amazing payoffs.

i’m this cool, collected lady now. with a bazillion things going on. but you won’t catch me freakin out:)

cuz everything is eeeeeaaasssyyy

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 7:55am
546: Starla says:

really, less than half a year of focused discipline = a lifetime of change that ultimately feels effortless, vs. a lifetime of resisting focused discipline. i’m glad i made my choice to take the path i did. it was right for me, and it felt so weird to hear people tell me it was the ‘wrong’ thing to do, like i was somehow hurting myself.

and i love myself and i love my intuition and i love what it does for me and how awesome my life is:)

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 8:03am
547: Starla says:

hmmm that seemed defensive; i feel a little self conscious

love to me

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 8:18am
548: Femininewoman says:

RE 541 BW what if TH wants more than that?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 8:30am
549: Femininewoman says:

SMB what I find is that my sense of humor might be different from someone else’s. So I believe sensibilities need to be compatible but it takes time and maybe history together

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 8:34am
550: Daria says:

“If we live through our senses, we do no harm because we sense the harm we are causing and refuse to set that into motion.” Arthur and Fiona Cristian

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 9:29am
551: Silver Moonbeam says:

FW that was a really good article on depression, thank you for sharing.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 10:23am
552: Starla says:

eee warrior just called to plan tonight

he has no idea what’s coming

i feel guilty

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 10:33am
553: Heart says:

Sirenity – I feel bad you were triggered by my use of the word Conscience.
I feel angry. I feel unfairly judged. I feel blamed for your bad feeling.

My little girl self feels blamed for everything…she feels like Everything is her fault…but she also knows it’s not. She wants to throw a tantrum and Stand up for herself. I am giving her a hug.

Sirenity – I feel good to read your not going to take care of a man’s emotions. Wow…what a good reminder to do the same.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 10:38am
554: Starla says:

and also, when he’s calling me in the middle of his day, i feel better… like ok maybe he does care for me the way i need him too

so it gets confusing

but i know i am not feeling good about moving forward with him.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 10:41am
555: Daria says:

i feel all pouty and angry and depressed numb over it and sad and yelling under it and seeing myself with tears in my eyes pleading in my mind vision

cuz i was talking about my uncle and reducing his medication with a doctor friend of ours and he’s like oh its ok for him to be on it long term, well i dont know im not a psychiatrist but

hes like herbs cant reduce blood pressure and acupuncture is just placebo

and i fell into arguing with him which i kind of won by saying i will show him research and studies and then my mom coming and without having heard telling a story of how acupuncture helped her

but im feeling all Passion and yet i was able to not blame or close down a bit and still make eye contact

but GRRRR

i wish i didn’t get pulled into debating cuz i just feel like YELLING i feel so frustrated nad i feel like all this emotion is stuck in me like im a big balloon shutting it down

oh i can open my eyes wide and bug it out and let it come out that way oooh its hellping

ohhhh

i love my anger and fea and helplessness and sadness

and heart sinking im not being heard and my expersirneces are being denied

and ill NEVER be at that level where i can communicate clearly without getting triggered so i can inspire people

im still getting into arguing and shutting down

((((DARIA)))))

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 10:50am
556: Daria says:

i can practice not interrupting, listening fully, feeling my feelings, speaking from my feelings… even not speaking at all just for a practice

(((Daria))))

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 10:51am
557: Heart says:

SMB -awesome video

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 10:53am
558: Silver Moonbeam says:

#557 Heart

Isn’t it? It’s a great reminder that it is all about ME!!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 11:10am
559: Smile says:

I felt so romanced last night. Feeling mmm. He fed me ice cream.

I’m feeling in the moment.

Aw he remembered it’s my birthday next week. I feel recognised and important.

I held my boundaries strong

As he was cooking me tea, I sat on the breakfast bar stool in the kitchen. We chatted as he cooked. I felt like a goddess just sitting there. It was perfect timing after an exhausting day.

I let go of control. He didn’t cook my favourite meal how I would have done. It didn’t feel good to interfere like I usually do. He used a tea towel as an oven glove, even though the oven gloves was next to him. Even when he burnt his finger and raised it to my lips for a kiss I still didn’t point them out.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 11:12am
560: Silver Moonbeam says:

J texted at 6.45 pm “What are you doing tonight?” Now pre RR I would have launched into some big dialogue about how I was staying in watching TV and drinking wine as my gf is out with her bf etc.

I just said “I am getting ready to go out.”

I know it’s a lie, but I don’t want to be any man’s last minute date when he could have contacted me for a date long before now.

He just said “Have fun.”

Where do I go with this? Was it wrong of me to lie, if so what should I have said?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 11:13am
561: Silver Moonbeam says:

And maybe he wasn’t going to even ask me for a date tonight and merely wanted a chat/text buddy for the night as he is staying in. Whichever it didn’t feel real great……………

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 11:13am
562: Smile says:

I feel like I ‘caught’ him. It triggered me for a while that after he left I bumped into him on my way out. We were both driving but he was hoiding a cigarette out of the window. I hate smoking and when we were together he gave this up as he respected my boundaries about not being with someone who smoked. I hate the smell and expense and the unhealthy ness.

He didnt see me.

In my head I told myself, he’s an adult and can make his own choices but I get to say what feels good and what doesn’t.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 11:34am
563: Smile says:

((My NV’s))

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 11:39am
564: Tam says:

Hi Smile, happy you had a great Siren time

Well, I went on my little boattrip, weather was pretty bad but I enjoyed it anyway. I felt some longing as I saw the other boats, and people/families boating together, but it will get less, especially now the boat is gone.

Tonight I am going for a beach picnic (in the bad weather, ha!) with CD English. To be honest, I am forcing myself as I am so not excited. But he is a nice guy and I will try to be open and happy….and the alternative is staying at home and staring at four walls thinking why I have got blindsided by MrP who is, after all, my second best friend down here and activities partner. Yikes, the hole is very apparent especially on the weekends.
Feels bad.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 11:59am
565: Heart says:

#560 SMB – Hmmm I think the change comes when you honestly just don’t want to see a man when he tries to make last minute plans…This is What has Happened for me so far.
I am still exploring my feelings around these thing.

So it doesn’t matter if you have plans or not …you just don’t want to see him because you’re not in that zone …or you’re looking forward to spending time with yourself….or your just pain turned off by his last minute ness…

It actually Happens…that kind of shift.
Just comes sinking in and feeling your feelings and practicing the tools
Fake it until you make it….is a Good Idea…but …
I think lying makes me feel Tight on the inside.
Feels like game playing and doesnt give me that Free feeling I get when I express myself authentically…

You could have just said : Dating Myself
I like using my own personal write-less-than-he-does Tool….thats a tool to help you Fake it until u make it…but its good to help you enhance receiving and responding.

To me no approach is unsuitable if you are coming from a place of healing yourself and loosening up the internal wiring….rather than getting the man.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:09pm
566: Smile says:

Hi tam!

Wow It would feel amazing to go On a beach picnic!

Well I’ve decided to stay in with the four Walls, even though my friends asked me to stay in with them. I’m feeling reflective.
I know my vibe feels off after a male friend I bumped into earlier whilst out texed me ‘were you okay earlier?’ yikes.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:14pm
567: Tam says:

(((Smile))) Maybe just a normal thing?

My vibe is also still off but I am exploring more…it felt good doing stuff with the old ladies I bumped into today, we all had fun and took pics of each other..not many men. They seemed so happy, like Sirens..hehe.

This thing about getting blindsided is getting to me, this has never happened before, that I have been here and we haven’t met in more than two weeks. I wonder sometimes if that just shows the whole thing was more romantic than friendship because all my other friends have been meeting with me or been in contact several times already, he ran after last Wednesday and the ‘not a date thing’….very strange, not what a friend would do.
I am sometimes tempted to reach out, especially right now where I have no more romanticness in me as I am so turned off by the behaviour…but to just say ‘what’s going on with you, what about the move, how’s it all going?’ – because that’s exactly how we were – I am not sure what has changed other than me stating my boundaries. I am still very confused.
Of course, he might be dating someone but then he could also just say and not let me in the dark.
I feel he is sulking and I feel turned off – why the sulk?
Well, whatever, got to let him live his life. but the next time he comes with the friends line I will be feeling very curious to find out what I have done to make the friendship collapse in his eyes.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:23pm
568: Goddess Lily says:

Good day sirens!

I’m heading to a coworker’s wedding this evening. I feel excited, not (yet) jealous. I’m going with a friend (his mother picked me out of a cooking class to be her daughter in law, but it didn’t work out). I asked him last minute and he said he would be honored to go with me. I feel scared that I will start to feel sad while I am there. I don’t want to be that selfish. I intend to have a ball and focus on celebrating their happiness.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:38pm
569: Smile says:

Tam, it feels like he’s taking time for himself. ((man space))
It would feel too painful for me to try and figure it out. This is so hard. I always want to climb in strummingmans head to find out ‘why?’ ‘what’s going on?’

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:39pm
570: LiliBee says:

My former boss would say when witnessing 2 teammates bickering: Oh they are just bonding.

What if I don’t resist bickering with myself? I would get alot of stuffed emotions out.

Let the bickering with myself be, I’m just bonding with myself. Hmmm…I can feel the bickering going on between my masculine energy and my feminine energy…I can feel the difference between the 2. Getting to know my inner bickerings, getting to know how these energies work together, getting to know me.

I feel curious about myself. I love the curious Me.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:43pm
571: Smile says:

What do I do??… Nothing! I just carry on swimming, feeling. Saying what feels good and what doesn’t. Being true to my feelings.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:44pm
572: Heart says:

Tam – when you stick to your boundaries or express your feelings.Men who can’t do relationships…men who can’t row the boat….will go away.
It hurts…It feels confusing and sad.
I gave myself a little me time and well I’m getting back on my horse and Cding soon .
CudG has not written me and I feel that ship is sailing…
I would love if that ship would turn around and crash on my island…but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Under the hopelessness I feel hopeful and curious about the next man and the next lesson.
I know that through this month I’ll have moments of panic and desperation and fear…but those feelings will be momentary.

I’ve read that who we attract/who we’re with is a reflection of who we are…maybe the fact that Mr.P isn’t showing back up is a sign you’re shifting? Or maybe not.

I believe it is best to look at the actions of Mr. P and pay less attention to his words.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:47pm
573: Tam says:

569 – Smile, that’s what we all do. And that’s why we come here to learn to stop it. It’s not just you! Forgive yourself and do something nice

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:48pm
574: Tam says:

572, yes Heart, I believe also this is it. As I am battling to heal my issues, and get firm on my boundaries, I kind of knew that either he would leave or me…or both. I did not believe that our friendship would also be cut, though…as that goes a bit deeper….but seems he’s hiding.
It’s ok.
Last time he was able to conform to those very boundaries actually, this time he is not. I am not going to question it though. Last time he felt something and maybe this time he doesn’t. Men turn around on a dime. Shame I don’t!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:50pm
575: Daria says:

why does this focused discipline thing trigger me so much?

i feel so tight

i just dont want to believe focused discipline or pushing myself is necessary like i always been told

i just want to be able to relax into it

that takes practice . is practice like focused discipline?

so sad

i want an orgasmic, relaxed birth not a pushing birth

i feel so sad

I DONT WANT TO BE HARASSED WItH THiS ANYMOER UNIVERSE

i don’t want to be told im worthless or powerless without pushing myself or having focused effort be my modus operandi

am i denying my boy?

i still use my energy, just not focused or pushy. actually yes i could push myself to brush my hair everynite, but then i wasnt getting the benefits of creating a new pattern of brushing, of tapping into the sacredness of it

will i get ‘stuck’ without pushing?

isnt relaxing going to lead to inspired movement, no matter how stuck i am?

what if i wasnt triggered?

what is the healing in this trigger?

how come i feel like an impaled bug?

so stiff

hmmm

im feeling ‘imposed’ upon

forced

well i Don’t like feeling forced

not even by me

not even tho i often fall into the habit of imposing and attempting to force myself and others

i feel sad at the thought of unsafetyness of investigating this here

no one uses just feminine energy in the world yes?

is it feminine energy do dance?

it seems so

i feel lost

is boy energy moving me?

well yes but when i make those efforts in what i want they don’t feel pushing, they feel … fun

they don’t feel forceful

or like forcing a sad shut down little girl

the voices in my head are always telling me that
s how life works and thats the only way ill get what i want

i want to find lots of support for having it be easy, not hard, done thru relaxation, not effort, drawn into, not pushing

hgggh

is that what i really want?

don’t i “like” pushing more?

im feeling sad

i feel fascinated by the not pushing

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:51pm
576: Tam says:

heart as for the actions and words….he has very few words and wa always full of action..now neither. Haha..I feel giggly at the ‘don’t pay attention at his words’…I believe he is man man with the fewest words ever. Hahaha.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:52pm
577: Tam says:

‘the man’..he is also a man’s man…ha

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:53pm
578: LiliBee says:

I felt nervous driving myself downtown to meet Siren Angel today.
I feel nervous about driving downtown in the hustle and bustle.
Wanted to avoid the nervousness and just stay feeling safe in my cave.
I’ve been in my shecave for 3 weeks almost.
I feel stale.
I need to freshen up and shake the cobwebs.
A little babystep adventure downtown would do the trick.
I got to destination easy breezy.
Found a parking spot easy breezy.
Had a few minutes to walk around and be open to what’s around me.
It felt refreshing to be in a different surrounding than I’m used to.

It felt cozy and relaxing being with someone with whom I can just BE.

I want to carry that feeling of just BEing everywhere I go with whomever I’m with.

Maybe I’ll change my name to Lilibe instead of Lilibee to represent my evolution.

Lilibee was about facing fear (fear of bees), I believe I’m graduating to facing BEing.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:53pm
579: Tam says:

What’s annoying me most is that I know he will be back at the most inopportun moment ever, usually when I have just met someone else I am interested in, then normally do anything to sabotage that…urgh.
Anyhow, for now I am MrP free…and drama free. There is a lot to be said for that.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:55pm
580: Heart says:

lol@ man man

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:58pm
581: Tam says:

580 yep, Freudian slip. Actually should have been neanderthal man.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 12:59pm
582: Daria says:

oh sorry for writing that before checking into my intuition

i dont really think its safe for people to get close to me

i think i will push them away

and thats ok somehow, i feel pleasant alone now

and my mom feels close to me

and oh about that, i like checking in with my intuition

im very good about taking the choice that my intuition says when i do check

maybe that is my effort, in my choosing

its ok if this is different for everybody, even though i don’t get how its different or even believe that it really is

i feel tingly hand amusement

who would i be if i dind’t feel forced and imposed upon for most of my l ife?

id feel free!

i wouldn’t even notice my efforts as ‘effort’

just as ‘energy’

the way ‘flying’ or dancing feel like energy

it wouldn’t be effortful even more

ouch heart

i feel so unsafe and imposed upon

ive heard that masculine and feminine ways lead to the same desire in diff ways

and rori talks about using ‘masculine’ energy ‘out there’

and i dont want to

i dont believe i ‘have to’

i Do want to use my masculine energy to care for my girl

i want to hear her intuition first

sigh

am i denying my masculine?

no

i very much like to make sense of things lol

in my mind

my mind is so huge and powerful

and intuitive too

this feels good to me

it feels deep and wide

spasm

i dont feel safe

i feel shame for my ‘downfalls and weaknesses’

i think the world is evaluated in terms of ‘hard work’ or focus or discipline and sometimes when im triggered i defend and justify myself that way

like nwo with my girl im like

im relaxing

and shes like

arent you bored relaxing?

and im like

well ok im not actually relaxing, im reading about vaccines, body image activisim, world creation, relationships, and investigating how to to approach my desires whether with effort or thru relaxation and creativity

.

often my default is effort. that feels solid. relaxation and creativity… well esp relaxation feels scarier. and i put effort to even imagine it sometimes

(((Daria)))

and i want this to be ok i dont want to feel unsafe

so im ‘justifying myself’

cuz i assumed that her because of my mom talking to her and her mom that they discuss behind my back that i don’t ‘do’ anything

when really i ‘do’ do stuff, that feels good to me

like all day long research and spiritual investigation, and healing

things i assume they don’t do, as they go about cleaning someone’s teeth now and then, and not even knowing how to heal gum disease

and im judging them there

and they judge me

and im like “they’re wasting their life”

and then i get back “you’re wasting your life” in the mirror from others

and i want to heal all this

and now i feel drawn to read more about how time doesn’t exist

hgggh

sigh

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:07pm
583: Heart says:

# 581 – Tam – I still think he’s gay.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:07pm
584: Heart says:

ps

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:10pm
585: Smile says:

It felt so wonderful to lie in his arms and listen to him call me beautiful.

I loved him making me a cup of tea this morning.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:14pm
586: Femininewoman says:

Pamelala you’ve been in my thoughts today.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:15pm
587: Smile says:

He said it would be sad never to see me again after I moved. He said I deserve a fresh start with someone and I’m going to be busy ect in my new area.

I told him it would feel sad to never see him again and it would feel awesome to go for drinks like we use to. Yes I will be busy and sociable when I move and open to meeting other guys but that it would also feel great to make plans with him.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:17pm
588: Femininewoman says:

Tam I am here thinking maybe you should just pretend you know nothing about this man

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:18pm
589: Smile says:

“We keep our men always moving toward us by reducing their importance in our lives.”

Dominique, what if a man has a lot of insecurities about being ‘good enough’? I wonder about this.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:26pm
590: Smile says:

Life is amazing!

I just felt goosebumps.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:31pm
591: Daria says:

i felt so guilty for debating with that man and possibly emasculating him

ohhhh

i feel so cringy pain and im actually sobbing

i love my pain

i love my humiliation oh no feeling

i love my guilt

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:31pm
592: Heart says:

Smile – I feel hesistant to ask but was he breaking up with you?
Don’t you find it strange that he said “you deserve a fresh start with someone”? Men in love don’t say those things…

I feel a little triggered by the drinks comment.
I feel iicky.
Sounds so learn forward-ish.
I feel scared you get anger.
I feel scared I lose your happy vibe.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:32pm
593: Smile says:

you’re able to just lean back and listen, and BE THERE with him.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:33pm
594: Daria says:

i was doing great with manifesting when i wasn’t “believing in money”

now that i believe in him again, believe that he’s a great man, and open to have him in my life

i got all off track and started focusing on him too much again. and of course, he felt pressured

what i want is to live comfortably and lovelily in Florida

and i feel open to him, but its not about him, its about living in Florida

and that feels so good

and my manifesting feels way more easier and open

its about the relatinship i want, i want to feel comfortable and safe and able to say i want that and receive it presently . with any m(e)an(s)

yay!

and he thanks me

Thanks baby!

hehe and i feel magical again

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:35pm
595: Daria says:

i want to heal this ‘feeling hounded’ ‘feeling in danger’ thing i get

right now i don’t feel in danger and hounded

but when i think about what i want to create and how i want to live i do

and that’s totally ok and i Am healing this

hhhhh

i want to feel hand held

and supported and held att the busom and nurtured

i want to feel breastfed

i feel scared of that

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:41pm
596: Smile says:

Heart, I can see where your coming from yes. I have an off feeling about what he said.

Im not trying to ‘think’ too much about what it means. He said it would feel good to go out when he got back from his holiday. He totally romanced me and cooked me a meal. He went to a lot of ‘effort’ with me.

I feel he was sharing his ‘fear’. Hence my comment
to dominique. He does want to see me again. Also the last comment he made was that he was going to treat me to something lovely for my birthday.

The drinks comment,… I don’t see this any different than saying it would feel great to get dressed up and go on a date which has been shared here lots of times before.

He was recently in hospital and said he had been reflecting in there, hens his stepping up.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:42pm
597: Smile says:

My back aches

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:46pm
598: Daria says:

ohhh more seaweed will give me great thoughts

im reading/hearing some stuff that feels scary to get some important inspirations even when i don’t like teh whole content… what i noticed is ive now opened to MORE of such sources and now have several things im into that don’t feel so ‘safe’ and yet i feel drawn and inspired by certain ideas

hmmmm

what if i could get this information in an easy great feeling way if i said No to these sources?

lil girl says NOOO shes fascianted…

okay…

babysteps

thanks for noticing that shift tho !

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:49pm
599: Smile says:

Dominique, also re 589 aren’t we meant to completely melt over what feels good? Is this the opposite of reducing their importance?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:50pm
600: MissStix says:

It’s funny I popped in for a minute to see daria talking about time…

This was on my mind today. Things like this on my mind alot. I was rolling around the idea that time does not exist. Or, if it does, not in the way I see it most often demonstrated…It does exist, actually. But it is not what we think. I see time as something bendable, changeable, subjective. Not an objective measurement. We know, for sure, time changes, it “slows” around larger masses. I feel…Strange. Because time is many things. It is a linear recording on my brain. It is also a flowing river of events. One leading into the next. We measure time in minutes and hours and the earth revolving around an axis causing the sun to “rise” and “fall” and orbiting the sun from point A to point A. But what is this really? Does the universe itself record or represent time as a perpetual, linear, precise, never changing, unstoppable force? I see us all moving within time. No…There is no “time” really. Just the tiniest particles making up bigger masses with space in between and goings on. Maybe time is really just “movement in space”. A changing of the particles and a constant movent from one area of space to another. Never stopping. Nothing is ever static.

ok I need a break from the mind sex. :p

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:53pm
601: Smile says:

I feel confused and disappointed in my judgements.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:56pm
602: Daria says:

i feel sadness in my heart

what does that feel like?

it feels like tingling under my tongue and a thumb pressing on my heart

mmm i love my feelings

that felt a bit tingly thru my legs relief

oh

discipline

comes from a disciple to a learn or practitian

aware practice focus discipline

focus focal expansive open

mmmmmhhhhmmm

sadddddddd

i love my sadness

wait a minute!

i just got it!!!

who said its not easy and possible to heal all ancestral pain in one lifetime!

thats not true!

its totally possible and its easy and FUN!

hahaha

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:57pm
603: Daria says:

im neighing laughing like a horse

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 1:57pm
604: Smile says:

He’ll notice that there’s absolutely no pressure in being with you.

He’ll notice that you trust yourself enough to be yourself instead of wondering and caring what he thinks about you.

He’ll notice that you TRUST HIM enough to be yourself instead of wondering and caring what he thinks about you.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:00pm
605: Heart says:

Smile – Thank you for not lashing out. Also, I understand your situation better now. I feel safe.

As for the drinks comment – I could be wrong – but it came across like you were trying to make something happen rather than upgrade the hang out. Of course only u can know ur intent at the time..

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:03pm
606: Smile says:

Dominique re 599, sorry, I’m struggling 

He said he has found the love of his life but he messed it up.

Then he said this…He said it would be sad never to see me again after I moved. He said I deserve a fresh start with someone and I’m going to be busy ect in my new area.

Then he cooked me a lovely meal and totally romanced me.

He has said he wants to see me again after he gets back off his holiday (vacation)

I feel confused.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:06pm
607: Smile says:

Heart, I rarely feel the urge to lash out, I’m feeling reflective tonight so I’m thankful for your comment.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:10pm
608: Daria says:

discipline – field of study , a something to be learned 1300

focus my focus

i like focus

i use focus a lot

i can use focus to help my feminine yes?

i use focus to STOP i use focus to … focus

and read

and cull,

is focus in my ‘don’t want’

ouch?

it feels so scary to be in this unknowng creating my own thinking

is focus what makes my “don’t want” ? i read the feminine is indescriminate

what say you intuition?

no

hmmm

lol

okie dokie

i feel happy now keep exploring

its the dot in my yin

gggh ggghhh

if i make it big it makes ALL of me big

hard on the inside?

ggggghhh?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:10pm
609: Smile says:

Re the drinks comment. Maybe I was? I wanted him to know I still wanted to see him. I felt he was testing this.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:11pm
610: Heart says:

Dominque….btw….when I do the tension releasing techique I tend to fall asleep…even in Im well rested and not sleepy.
Is that normal?

Also a lot of tension is in my upper back …does that indicate anything…

Once again…this is amazing! TY!….I going to do it again now…

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:13pm
611: Dancing Siren says:

I’m feeling a bit lonely tonight. I was offered to work a shift at the pub I used to work at, where S is working tonight, but I said no, as I have been working all week and wanted some time off.

But now I feel alone and a bit bored.

I went to go to the pub next door, and I walked on past and just didn’t fancy it. I noticed myself making judgements about the people in there, but more than anything I didn’t want to go in and drink a glass of wine. I considered going in and having a cola and that felt weird too. So I walked on by. Walked a little way and then came back.

It was a beautiful night out with all the stars.

I would like to have a better social life. I would like to socialise with people whose social time doesn’t revolve around drinking, and I am yet to make the transition or make new friends.

Makes me feel a bit reliant on him in my vibe when I am sitting at home a lot.

Although I have some plans for next Friday, so fingers crossed that will happen, if not I can go with some friend’s to a bonfire celebration on the Saturday.

Life is feeling a bit mundane at the moment but I am in the process of addressing my debts, and once I have I plan to travel.

That feels exciting.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:16pm
612: Femininewoman says:

Daria I just finished eating seaweed and falafel I got from Whole Foods

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:21pm
613: Daria says:

i LOVE focus!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:24pm
614: Daria says:

Feminine Woman – yay! i will go make myself a bowl now

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:25pm
615: Daria says:

((((Dancing Siren))))

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:27pm
616: Tam says:

Smile, just keep doing what you are doing. You are taking care of yourself and it’s totally normal to feel anxious after you re-connected.
I have had men say to me ‘you deserve someone better’ and they were testing whether I would consider them, rather than telling me they didn’t want to be with me. It depends on actions not on words. His actions will show you.
That’s my 2 cents.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:27pm
617: Tam says:

588 FW, I don’t need to pretend. I actually feel right now that I know nothing about this man.
Nothing at all anymore.
Feels sad but also kind of ok.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:29pm
618: Tam says:

583..Heart, ha!! I was waiting for that comment

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:30pm
619: Daria says:

“I work with my start-up clients in a three phase process; Vision, Validate and Venture Launch. The Vision stage is very much feminine energy; it’s all creation, all the time. It quickly becomes easy to feel somewhat out of balance, because in this phase we are not doing anything outside our small circle of friends and advisors.

In the Validation phase, much of the work is still inward focused and feminine with just a smidge of masculine energy added in the form of risk based outward thinking to allow for figuring out how to let the creation manifest in the form of a potentially viable business.

The final stage, Venture Launch tends to draw almost exclusively on masculine energy, if we are not careful to remember the concept of balance. We must be consistent in looking for the advantages and avoiding the potential pitfalls of either too much or not enough of either masculine or feminine energy. In my own case, I began to fall out of balance with all of the networking I have been doing. I left myself no time left for creation. When I read that blog entry last week, I began to schedule some time to get the “fun” creative tasks back into my life; things like writing this blog and beginning to define new programs to be launched in the fall.”

http://on-coreventures.com/masculine-and-feminine-energy-in-start-ups/

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:34pm
620: Daria says:

i feel judgemental of my masculine energy. i feel unsafe with him. I feel mistrustful that he’ll keep on going for me when it doesn’t seem to work the first time. I feel turned off and ick when i see him giving up.

i feel sad and ashamed and worthless.

I love all my feelings.

i feel appreciative of how determined and persistent he is in choosing healing and self love and committing to that and doing practices and getting so into it.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:37pm
621: Daria says:

“He described living while relying solely upon masculine energy or feminine energy as being akin to flying a jet airplane with only one engine. It requires a great deal of work to keep the plane headed in a straight and balanced direction.”

aha yes so it can be done but it takes a lot of ‘work’ either handling rejection persistently and lots of pain and forcing or else, handling anxiety and panic

ouch ouch

ok

i feel sad so sad right now

i hear ‘noooo i can’t do it”

ohhhhh i love you im here for you its totally ok to feel all this!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:39pm
622: Daria says:

even though you feel helpless and overwhelmed and ‘don’t know what to do’ and like you ‘can’t’ do anything, im Totally here for you. and it’s totally ok for you to feel this and hear all these things!

its ok to feel tummy movement and ick and nausea seasick

im soi here for you

Hug i will take you up and scoop you

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:43pm
623: Daria says:

thank you for the trigger

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:43pm
624: Daria says:

ohhh its ok to feel shame! and powerlessness! im so here for you! you are sacred and powerful and its also totally ok to feel those things!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:46pm
625: Sassy says:

Starla,

Good luck tonight. Follow your intuition. Mama Sassy is proud of you!

Tam,
It’s amazing to see your back and forth process. Keep going sweetie. All will be as its supposed to, whether he comes back into your life full force or becomes a little blip on your radar. Mama Sassy is proud of you also, but just a teensy bit worried….

Where is Rebecca? Hope she is ok.

Radlove,
Miss you girl.

SMB-happy to have someone here in my age range! I turned 57 last month.

Much love ladies!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:48pm
626: Smile says:

I love my bad feeling. It’s okay smile your doing your best. Just keep feeling. I forgive myself. I love my anxiety.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:48pm
627: Smile says:

Thanks tam 

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 2:50pm
628: Tam says:

Ok, something for you to giggle about.
MrNap drank my wine…I had 3/4 of a bottle of corked wine standing here, I had half thought about using it for cooking or throwing it out.
He drank it. It is vinegar!!
He said: oh, sorry for drinking your wine but I really felt like it.
I said: Jeepers, it was corked, could you not taste it? I feel terrible for leaving it stand around!
He said: no it was fine!
Ha ha ha.
It was vinegar ladies..pure vinegar.
I feel very giggly about this now.
VERY

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:16pm
629: Heart says:

#609 Smile – what if Strumming man already knows you want more/ want a relationship with him.
What if …the same way women kinda know Men want sex…
Is the same way men kinda know …Women want Relationships.

Sometimes it’s easier for us women to believe Men are trying to make us jealous or are testing us that too believe he just doesn’t have that special relationship feeling towards.

Once I was hung up on a guy…and on a flight. So I meet this couple that are sitting next to me…and I tell them the story about the guy…And the woman and I discussed certain points…but the man….

He was just like: ” I would fly across the country for a girl I like. He does not like you.”

Wow…I didnt believe the man at the time..In my mind …I was like meh…all men are different…but now all this RR stuff is making me believe that man is right.

As for the guy I was asking the couple about….he had a girlfriend the whole time he was flirting with me. Ick.

I’m not saying strumming man doesn’t like you…he seems a bit keen. Maybe he’s finding out his feelings for you or maybe he’s not interested in that way…who knows. I would feel good if you didn’t react and respond to Assumptions (thid is a good lesson for me as well)…When you asked him fo drinks you were letting the fear run you…you were thinking oh he’s testing me…I better show him that I’m interested or he might feel as if I’m not and I’ll fail the test and lose his interest.
eek Remember Strumming man would fly half
way and more across the country for a girl he liked.
Maybe that girl is you…and if u are that girl …you don’t have to Do anything.

That’s how I like to think of it….it keeps me in lean back mode.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:20pm
630: Belle says:

Yesterday I visited a friend and magically, unexpectedly ended up receiving a healing Reiki/angel session and was sent home with a care package of candles, incense, sea salt, a book, a couple of videos, and a rebounder!!

She was sooooo tender and gentle and loving, I felt cherished and cooed over
She put her hands on my solar plexus and I started SOBBING my eyes out. Grief, and thoughts I didn’t even KNOW were stuck were flowing out.
Unconsciously, I had been bargaining with God to “Please let me have this man, please God just this once please let it work out I love him with all of my heart please don’t make me leave again, please not again…”
I felt awed by the depth of longing and love I felt, the depth of my feelings surprised me, it felt so true and so real and I felt amazed it had been there for who knows how long, unconscious.
It opened up the gateway and later last night I went to a drum circle and was held and sobbed on a friend’s shoulder..
I’ve cried millions of tender, longing tears today. I feel raw.
I feel the battle going on within me, between my old ‘self’ and the new…the old, victim who is terrified to move on and do things a new way, and the new self who must accept and forgive the past and move on.
I just now realized I can embrace and love the battle, instead of trying to resolve it.
Feels better.

I have a date tonight with potentially icky guy. He asked me to meet him for dinner and I’m not sure how we are supposed to get to the show downtown from there??
I already know this guy isn’t going to work out for me but it will be good to get to know him and build community at least. And get out and see a great show!!!!!!!! (trying to work up some enthusiasm here, I feel tired.)

I love how crazy insecure I felt not responding to his text or FB message after requesting a phone call…I had to keep shifting my attention…all of those usual thoughts, “Maybe I didn’t make myself clear? Maybe he didn’t understand?” and keep focusing on ME and what *I* want!!

Breathing.
I can do this.
I don’t want to feel all crumply withered folded, I want to feel open, curious and I want to be surprised in a way that feels delicious and delightful, universe. Got it???

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:23pm
631: Tam says:

Sassy, aw thank you!! Yes, back and forth…absolutely.
I am feeling much better this weekend though, I guess my anxiety and feeling ignored got the better of me.
I am back on my horse, taking each day as it comes.
If anything, my pride was scratched more than anything else…if I am totally honest.
I have to accept that he has pursued me before, every time I was here – and now he isn’t.
Simple.
Kind of getting there.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:26pm
632: Belle says:

629

Heart
“He was just like: ” I would fly across the country for a girl I like. He does not like you.”’
This reminds me of a guy I dated a few years ago.
I learned he had flown to South Africa from the US for a woman he was into.
I got, “I don’t feel like taking you on a motorcycle ride, it’s so difficult to get it in and out of the garage,” and “I don’t have time to see you in October.”

When my friend met her fiance’, she met him in a different state, and told him she was going to Burning Man in 2 months. He moved heaven and earth to get to Burning Man to go with her (No small feat, it is a LOT of work to get stuff together especially if you’ve never been before)
plus
He moved 2500 miles to her home state to be with her within a year.

When men know, they know.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:31pm
633: Tam says:

Heart, I like the thing about ‘flying halfway across the world’….but every man is different also. Some are more shy, withdrawn and insecure than others. Some are go-getters and others are slower in their approach. Some jump up and down on couches and still get divorced.
It is good to remember that.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:33pm
634: Tam says:

I agree on the ‘when men know they know’, but isn’t that again getting to expectations?
For example, should we expect a man who is into us to ‘fly halfway around the world’?
This is a tricky one for me, because I also had many guys fly halfway around the world for me, that were not really into me, including one married.
Just sayin’
I wouldn’t read too much into ‘gestures’ of any kind anymore.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:37pm
635: Belle says:

omg omg omg I feel so shocked and….
I don’t know, what this feeling is…
not exactly aghast, because it doesn’t feel negative, just sort of WTF
oh,
amazed, really really REALLY amazed!!!
While I was typing my phone rang. I got up to check the message, and there was a text, “Not going to make it tonight.”
and

omg here’s the funniest part!
Some woman left a voicemail that D had been hanging out partying with her for her birthday last night and that’s why he couldn’t make it tonight!!!

We were supposed to meet in 30 minutes.
I just unfriended him on FB (he’s a friend of friends so I friended him a while back).

Oh, lawd.
*sigh*
I don’t feel the need to respond with an FM.

Plan B for tonight is….???
Hmmm
I feel curious
A little adventurous
I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go..
YET!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:41pm
636: Tam says:

((((Belle))))

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 3:50pm
637: Dominique says:

Smile – 589 – “We keep our men always moving toward us by reducing their importance in our lives.”

Dominique, what if a man has a lot of insecurities about being ‘good enough’? I wonder about this.

I don’t think this sentence is phrased so well, nor is it telling the whole story. I don’t know that you want to reduce his importance, BUT you want to reduce the energy you are putting around him, i.e. wondering what he’s thinking, feeling, doing. This is what keeps him moving towards you. Having your focus on you, filling your life up apart from him.

And yes you do want to be melting when he does or says things you love. This is how you get more of it.

xxoo

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:03pm
638: Butterfly Wings says:

548 FW – TH doesn’t want marriage either, but he does, once he feels “safe”, to move back in with me and eventually buy a house together. He’s talked about buying a house together a few times lately…

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:06pm
639: Dominique says:

Sirenity – You asked yesterday about a relaxing tool I have. I think what Heart? or was it Femininewoman? was referring to was a series of three videos I made for subscribers to my site. If you register for the free e-book download available on every page, you will receive the videos in your inbox.

xxoo

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:07pm
640: Heart says:

Tam – I wasn’t refering to Men who go all out because cough…they want sex…

I’m writing about men who are already connected to the wonen and are motivated by their emotions. Who want to claim her so to speak. What about the men in your life? What lengths do they go to for their girlfriends and wives?

And anyway the “fly across the country” wasn’t meant to be literal.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:08pm
641: Tam says:

640 Heart I don’t know, I just believe everybody is different. Well, for me having lived in many places, the ‘flying across the country’ was literal, because that’s what happened. Or didn’t.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:14pm
642: Dominique says:

Smile – 606 – Feel confused, and see what he does, or ask him. “I feel confused. It seems as though I’m getting two different messages. I don’t know what to think. Can you help me with this?”

xxoo

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:15pm
643: Tam says:

And, a man can get sex quicker and cheaper than ‘literally’ flying halfway across the world.
So in a way it was never about ‘just sex’…

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:15pm
644: Belle says:

Hahaha, Tam, thanks
I feel good!
I decided to text him (kind of cowardly but what with him being hungover and all…)
I feel strangely happy and elated to hear this.
I also feel turned off and doubt I will agree to go out with you again in the future.
I feel no hard feelings, it simply seems we have different values.
Hugs,
B

Yayayayay!!!

I almost said, “I feel validated by my initial perception of you” but decided that would just be mean. I asked myself what would love say, and that’s what came out.

Not responding would feel like unfinished business, and responding felt better.

I decided to buy some nail strengthener and do my nails and let them grow out, just a little, again. It feels and looks more feminine.

I’ll call a friend and ask if he’s down for a game night.
or meditate for a minute, because I know there’s something I’ve been meaning to do but haven’t…

Ooooohhh, I know, I can take that epsom salt bath that was suggested last night. I have yummy sweetgrass and white candles, courtesy of my friend.
and a book
and a movie
and it’s a beautiful night for a walk
so many possibilities!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:16pm
645: Butterfly Wings says:

Yesterday I was pretty busy, but a few times I started wondering why I hadn’t heard from TH yet. He had commented on one of my posts about my dog (the vet told me yesterday that she has a suspected tumor and my dog adores TH), but I’d heard nothing else.

So I was feeling a little disappointed, but let it go and concentrated on having a good time with my youngest daughter.

Last night I was going out with my eldest (ghost tour of the local cemetery – spooky!) when I checked my phone and noticed that he’d actually sent me a message over four hours earlier! Oops! lol

He told me he’d landed safely and was exhausted so just went to sleep and apologised for not messaging me sooner. Awww! He landed at 3am my time, so I totally get that. He also sent me a pic of the view from his room.

I replied, thanked him for his message (should have mentioned how GOOD it felt to hear from him!) and told him the view looks AMAZING!

I’ve not heard from him since, but hope something will come through later today. Meanwhile I’m keeping really busy again today and have plans to do stuff around the house visit a friend, drop my baby off tonight, then try out my new gym.

I am feeling unusually happy right now too – like I’ve overcome something, and pushed some of the dark clouds away. But I’m not sure why I feel this way. It’s really weird…. and I feel really excited. About life in general?? I’m not sure about that either!? Wish I knew what was going on in my head! lol

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:16pm
646: Tam says:

Well, I am off out with English CD now, feeling flat.
Sigh.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:17pm
647: Dominique says:

Heart – 610 – Falling asleep is fine, great even. Your brain is more open to suggestion and thus rewiring.

Upper back tension is heart protection but from behind. It can also be grief.

xxoo

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:19pm
648: Heart says:

Tam – that’s what I told myself….you can keep an imaginary relationship going for a long time when you tell yourself that….it’s easy to find out the truth….Just Ask Men! Ask them…tell them your a big girl…you can handle the truth and ask them how they feel about and treat women they love.

Ask them why they didn’t step up etc …and see what they say…I would feel curious to hear your feedback.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:23pm
649: Heart says:

#647 Dominque…wow…so by releasing this tension I’m opening my heart/releasing the grief?

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:28pm
650: Dominique says:

Yes Heart, though be prepared for the possibility of feeling bad, as the grief moves through. Plus the possibility of having layers of it peel away. This is a good thing, a really good thing.

xxoo

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:38pm
651: Heart says:

#643 – Tam – well yes it is about sex and physical attraction…
I’ve had a guy fly out to meet me. He did not get laid and he never called me again. Men don’t just pursue easy sex…most men don’t even want easy sex..they like exciting and challenging sex as well.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:42pm
652: Heart says:

#650 Dominique – Thank you.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 4:44pm
653: Heart says:

#632 – Belle – Ouch! Glad you moved on from that guy..lol. Men are fascinating creatures…

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 5:23pm
654: Heart says:

omfg….Facebook will be the ruin of us all…

I feel triggered…Cuddleygrinch has made a status message saying He is going to some yoga class today…

Yoga is my thing. Actually we did some yoga moves the last time we met…
Only pervy men go to yoga class….He is a perv! Ick.

Ok So this has come at the right time…Perfect almost.

I miss him. I want him to cuddle me so bad. I feel threatened thinking of him around other women in a yoga class. My little girl feels ugly and not good enough. I am telling her she is beautiful and more than enough.

Cuddleygrinch would fly across the country for a girl he really liked. That makes me feel sad. I feel grounded. I can not handle another Imaginary relationship.
Cuddleygrinch’s status message is not a sign of interest….but I want to see it that way … He has only made two status messages since he pulled away and the both include things I like…I’m looking at the crumbs and wanting to make a cake.

No more imaginary relationships! No more analysis …
SHOES CIRCULAR DATE ME OUT OF THIS.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 6:13pm
655: Heart says:

ps- he is so not flexible!
is he like gay or something now…

my inner witch is cackling…

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 6:17pm
656: Heart says:

#635 – Belle – omg…now reading that…omg…(((belle)))

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 6:35pm
657: Radlove says:

Sassy,

625 – Thank you! I miss being here so much, too. You ladies are just marvelous. I look over a string of posts at times and my eyes just well up with tears. We are all around the world, struggling, rejoicing, learning, being — and it just feels beautiful to see the support and combined effort. And it’s cool how each one is so beautiful, so seeking, so full of emotions. What a wealth of womanness here!

I had a productive day, even tho it was not much fun. I ran a moving sale. I stayed up until 2 am last night putting stuff outside, making signs, and hanging them. Then I got up at 6:15 to continue to set up. The money I got out of it was a whopping $20, and $10 of that went into poster board, markers, and nails. **Sigh!**

But I say it is productive, because my process of moving has begun. The stuff I took out is not coming back in. The leftovers are going to my neighbor, where she runs a garage sale almost weekly, and she will split the profits with me.

I definitely got my workout today!

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 7:14pm
658: Butterfly Wings says:

I’m glad to see you’re making progress Radlove. xx

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 7:25pm
659: LiliBee says:

657:

Radlove,

I know you may not have chosen to move, but I have to share this goodfeeling thought that immediately came to my mind:
Feels like a cleansing wiping the slate clean for a fresh start.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 7:41pm
660: Tereana says:

First off, sorry if I don’t respond right away when people write to me. I’m often checking in on my phone, where I can’t search the posts, and I don’t see them all at once.

But I always appreciate the responses! (even if they trigger me. That’s useful, too : )

Second, I am really enjoying Johnny and Lara’s magic of heartbreak videos. I truly believe in what they are talking about, and I love how they have designed thus mini (free) program about it. I kinda wish they would sell a bit less on their bigger programs. I know everyone does that. It irks me that they set it up as if we ‘need’ them to do more. But I can remind myself that I have a choice. And I can choose NOT. To do more with them, if I don’t want to.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 8:24pm
661: Tereana says:

Belle – what did you respond/text him with?? I didn’t see it in your post, but I feel curious.

Gah, that sounds like an annoying situation. Frustrating, to say the least. I hate when people behave like that (ie in a way that seems irresponsible. Like if it was important to see you, he would not have gotten hungover.)

I actually contemplated removing vman from my FB today. I haven’t done it, mainly because that would have been inconvenient and required energy I didn’t want to put toward it/him. I had more important things to do – like hey ready to go out dancing!!

Btw, what triggered me so much about disappointment this week was that I had asked a friend of mine to come out dancing with me tonight. She said no, because she didn’t want to spend any money. Then I told her it was free because I could get her in – I’m on the guest list, and I have a ‘plus one’ at this club. THEN, she said she couldn’t because her cat has fleas. Wtf kind of excuse is that?? Lol

I admit it was kind of rude, but I responded, “really? You are seriously going to stay in and battle fleas on a Saturday night when you can come out dancing with me for free??” but she wouldn’t budge. She just really wanted to stay in. SoI said, ok.

I don’t know why I find it so hard whenever I want to find people to come and hang out with me. Partly, I am not above going some place by myself. I don’t ‘need’ people with me to justify my going out. So maybe that’s part of it. I don’t know. But sometimes I enjoy it. And when someone asks me to come out, I am usually excited about it – unless it really doesn’t work for me. Oh well.

But then I decided, heck, I’m going anyway. I already know tons of people who will be there. Even if I have no one to go “with.” it’s my community. They are my friends – and they’re already there! So that will be great : )

Plus, I watched one of the MOHB videos today. I’m feeling a little bit open, a little bit healed, and curious to meet who IS there. And if I see anyone I don’t like, I can ignore them and continue to have a good time with friends. This is life. This is community. And I’m in it – all the way, baby!! : -)

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 8:55pm
662: sunshine says:

I feel attraction for this guy i went out with last week and im seeing him tomorrow. I feel nervous, turned on , worried, and anxious

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 9:04pm
663: sunshine says:

Has anyone here circular dated with latin men before? are they fine with it? in my experience I would generalize that latin men would not be into this. I want to know because I love latin men yet have doubts that dating more than one would work…

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 9:06pm
664: luzydel says:

@Sunshine; not they wont be ok with it. However Latin men are more prone to marriage, their macho attitude can be a turn on, they claim you theirs right away and wont let you go. A good latin man is a keeper; he will be masculine and wont mid taking care of you; however a player latin man can make you suffer; because her will be like all about him; a typical mamas boys. get to know them and trat hem all equal, if you are just going on simple coffee dates no need to tell, but once you become intimate (even kissing) you have to be upfront and yes they ma leave once they know you will cd.

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 10:15pm
665: luzydel says:

Found a site like this one, but for men Yayy… good to see some men able to own their actions and willing to become better men!

http://goodmenproject.com

Saturday, 13 October 2012 @ 10:18pm
666: Smile says:

Heart, good morning, sorry I fell asleep last night.
I was in a relationship with SM for a year, we were about to Move in together when there was a trauma, and quite rightly so he retreated to his man cave. It was a lot for him to deal with. We had been longish distance-40mins before this, so I know if he wanted to see me he would. I’m moving back to my mums to get my last bit of deposit together so I can buy. (I’m 29 next week) this set up would work fine as we did it for nearly a year before. Since then I’ve totally leaned back. Now he’s in a better place and is moving towards me. He knows I want marriage and children, he wants this more than me. So I’m just leaning way back, filling my life up and totally saying ‘more please’ when he does something I like. The confusion for me is he knows this and wants to know if there will be room for him in my life after his in/off behaviour.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:16am
667: Smile says:

Dominique,

Thanks. I have been leaning back 99% and melting when I want more of something. Ive been totally vulnerable and he’s felt safe to share so much. He’s stepping up more and more and I’m trying to let go of expectations and stay in the moment. he’s commented on my vibe. Yesterday I cried Rori style. I’m moving out of the house we were meant to live in. I had sad tears but also happy ones. We talked about a fresh start. I fill my life up so much though he thinks I won’t have room for him?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:21am
668: Smile says:

I’m just gonna keep riding on. I enjoyed the eve. I trust that if he wants to see me he will when and he if he can. I shall leave him in his man space to work things out.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:23am
669: Smile says:

I’m moving away my energy but will totally melt on things I want more of.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:25am
670: Smile says:

He’ll notice that there’s absolutely no pressure in being with you.

He’ll notice that you trust yourself enough to be yourself instead of wondering and caring what he thinks about you.

He’ll notice that you TRUST HIM enough to be yourself instead of wondering and caring what he thinks about you.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:28am
671: Smile says:

I am okay with feeling confused.

Who knows how it will unravel. I will be okay eitherway as um letting go of expectations. That feels less dissappointing.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:30am
672: Smile says:

Tam, ha! Can’t believe he drank it! Must have been desperate if it was corked! Ugh!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:39am
673: Smile says:

Yey!!! I’m so excited!!! Now I’m moving I don’t have rent to pay!
I’m saving! But I amgoing to make my first or hse from Rori!!! Woop.

Anysuggestions…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:53am
674: Smile says:

Feminie woman, I can’t remember- did you suggest reconnect your relationship?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:54am
675: Smile says:

Hmmm or was it commitment blue print…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:57am
676: Smile says:

Im leaning towards commitment blueprint.

I want to order the audio cd but if it goes to my parents house I wonder if she can tell what it is from the package.

I’m living here for another 2 weeks, I wonder if it would get to the uk by then before I move?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 1:07am
677: Silver Moonbeam says:

Morning Sirens, I so wish we had the like button on here like Facebook lol!!

Well I was texting with J until 3am (!!) we both had too much to drink by the looks of things, but amazingly my grammar and spelling are always spot on. I am meeting him today, well at least I think I am ha ha!!

Oh and he grew up in the USA and told me he has an American accent!! You know how much I like that right? Hubba hubba!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 1:22am
678: sharon says:

hello rori,
please give me some solid advice? make it clear to a 50 year old who still hasn’t much of a clue!
i was married at 19, had two daughters, divorced at 24. spent 20 years with no boyfriend or any relationships whilst i brought up my daughters, joined a church, trained to be a teacher then decided i would like someone in my life. so i did internet dating and met someone, the first person i met i practically jumped into bed with him to make up for lost time and enjoyed sex! however, after 3 years, he turned out to be a creep and i finished with him. six months later i met jim, he was great, i moved in with him at my suggestion, put him first in my life, loved him and then it all changed, he had depression which i helped him through but now he is better he started to need me less and he became more selfish than usual, also he made it clear he would never commit or marry me. he has issues with the fact that i have daughters and grandchildren. so i left him about two months ago and i am heartbroken because i love him so much and am circular dating, and cut myself off from him. it is frustrating as i only seem to attract men who just want sex. i enjoy sex and don’t know if i will sleep with a man who has made it clear he wants to and i know he will class me as his girlfriend. i have mixed feelings about whether to sleep with him or not as i am not in love with him.
i am confused and anxious but feel that it may develop into something more meaningful.
there are so few men available who are nice!
what do you thhink?
sharon – England x

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 1:31am
679: Smile says:

((Sharon))

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 1:36am
680: Smile says:

Morning smb!

He I’m glad you posted, i was backing up a long list of posts!

How did your date go last weekend meeting at the train station? Did he already make the plans?

I know what you mean about the like button!!! But then my negative vibes crept in, I like to get likes but what if I don’t  sometimes I’m just processing and don’t want people to comment or like what I’ve written…hmm

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 1:39am
681: Smile says:

Love cold crisp mornings!

Snuggled in my blanket having a cup of English breakfast tea with crumpets!

I’m feeling great!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 1:41am
682: Silver Moonbeam says:

((( Sharon )))

Good morning Smile, looks like we Brits are the only ones around for now.

I am on my 2nd cuppa. Date last week not very good, I wrote about it on here I think. Very unattractive man to me, quite a big turn off as he had gold teeth and wore a heap of bling, not for me lol!!

NEXT!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:02am
683: Silver Moonbeam says:

#678 Sharon

I am not really good at this stuff, but I think you need to change your vibe, hell it has taken me years to do so.

I thought ALL online men were creeps and weirdo’s and all the good men were either married or gay, but that’s not true. Hang around here and you will learn SOOOO much from the Sirens. There is also a Facebook private group which you can join if you wish. I have made a special profile using my name on here but some Sirens use their real names………

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:05am
684: sharon says:

oh thank you silvermoonbeam!
so i look up your name on fb?
x

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:08am
685: Smile says:

Smb, I’m on my 2nd cuppa too!!

Aw I must have missed your post about it. Ha I giggled at next.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:12am
686: sharon says:

we have arranged on tues eve he is coming to mine to cook a meal then he is expecting sex! i have agreed, can’t decide whether to go ahead or not. he makes me laugh, he is intelligent and interesting, he claims to be a great lover and can teach me!
he is very sexual
will i experiment and not be attached?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:13am
687: Smile says:

Sharon, welcome to the blog!

Rori will reply to you when you first comment on here. I’ve learnt so much from being here. It’s great support to practise the tools.

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/guidelines-for-posting/

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:16am
688: sharon says:

#683silvermoonbeam
there are many silvermoonbeams on fb, how can i find you?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:17am
689: sharon says:

thanks smile, i feel better already!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:18am
690: Silver Moonbeam says:

I can’t join you up to the group Sharon as it is private, but it’s good sometimes for us in the UK or Oz as we are on different time zones to the rest. I will alert one of the Sirens that you want to join.

It doesn’t matter if he is expecting sex or not, what matters is what YOU want. Can you have sex with this man like a “Rockstar?” That’s a term used on here. Like you can have sex and feel great with no expectations??

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:19am
691: Silver Moonbeam says:

I have gone on the FB page and asked one of the girls to join you up, hang in there!!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:19am
692: sharon says:

facebook.com/sharonclarke166

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:22am
693: Smile says:

“it would feel cool to get closer gradually. I feel scared because I don’t feel ready for lovemaking”

I love feeling messages!

This was shared on the blog before, can’t remember who posted sorry but I like it 

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:22am
694: sharon says:

i understand the sex like a rockstar notion and would like to try!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:23am
695: sharon says:

pretty sure he is the non commiting type so would just be practising with him

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:25am
696: Silver Moonbeam says:

#694 Sharon

If you feel you can do it without getting attached then go for it, but beware of oxytocin!! Some people can have casual sex and it doesn’t happen to them, but it does for me and I get attached too easily, so no Rockstar for me lol!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:27am
697: sharon says:

i won’t know til i try!
oxytocin?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:30am
698: sharon says:

frustrated by shortage of decent dates! lol

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:33am
699: Butterfly Wings says:

Hi Sharon. I just added you as a friend on FB. Once you accept, I can add you to “Siren Island”!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:37am
700: sharon says:

like! happy days!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:49am
701: sharon says:

crying with happiness!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:50am
702: Butterfly Wings says:

TH messaged me earlier to say hi and also to send me pics of his room. Pretty funky place he’s staying. I kept it light and told him I was trying out the new gym later, and then I had to go and take my daughter to the park.

He’s 3 hours behind me, so I doubt I’ll hear from him again until tomorrow some time.

Still feeling ok. Missing him heaps, but trying to shift the focus right off him and back onto ME.

TH gave me two notebooks last week. Both have tiny crystals on the covers, and they’re so cute. So I dug one of them out and have started to write in it – it’s become my goals book and my to-do list.

I’m working from that list to keep my mind off him. The goals are to maintain my focus.

He’s back three weeks from today. Oh please be strong BW!!! :-\

I’m still in a good mood though – ran part of the way home from gym.

How on earth do people run with backpacks???? It was HARD!!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:52am
703: Silver Moonbeam says:

#701 Sharon

Are you crying with happiness because you have found this blog? It was HUGE for me and the e book is fab and makes soooo much sense!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:55am
704: Smile says:

Bw, I love little notebooks. They sound beautiful. What a cute gift 

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:59am
705: Smile says:

I want depth in a relationship!

Oh yes I do doo doo! I feel tuneful!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:03am
706: Smile says:

My all time favourite, I need to read this more often! I love it!
Thanks Rori!

Tool: Finding Good Love That Really Sticks

1. Pave Over Your Flypaper

Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches. Make it soft.

Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints…

And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

2. Leave it up to him

Let him choose: Stay or go.

I know this feels totally impossible when we’re clinging to a thread of a relationship. When we want things to work out, when we want things to go the way we want them to go. When we’ve waited so long for love, and finally a man has shown up who told us he loved us. Perhaps he even promised us love.

Yet, if you can remember this, you’ll feel SO much better and be SO much more attractive to ANY man:

The difference between what a man says and what he does are the difference between a lifelong love partnership, and a fling.

It doesn’t matter if the fling lasts days, weeks, months or even years (and, yes – many men are totally capable of allowing friendly “flings” to endure for years…) if it isn’t a lifelong love partnership, with all the commitment bells and whistles you desire in order to relax and feel happy, then it’s still a “fling.”

If you’re not watching what he does, you can accidentally use my Rori Raye Tools to keep a fling going for such a long time that you may get lulled into thinking it’s going to be forever. (Yes – the Tools are THAT powerful.)

Instead, use my Tools to bring so MANY men close to you that you NEVER feel at any one man’s mercy.

Just because you love him and are invested in him doesn’t mean he has a claim on you UNTIL he actually claims you.

So let HIM make the decisions about where the relationship is going. And YOU make the decisions about whether what he wants is what YOU want.

This is where YOU get to stay or go, too. This is THE most powerful place you can come from inside yourself – the most powerful message you can deliver to a man: That you will not be trying to convince him to be with you forever.

That, instead, you’ll trust him to make his own decisions based on how he feels and what he wants. And then you’ll see if that’s enough for you. This mental attitude can make you feel incredibly powerful and peaceful – both at the same time. Now…

3. Put imaginary plants around your mental and emotional self

Plants that will give you shade for your thoughts and feelings. Plants that will nurture and feed you… And most of all – plants that will invite a man to sit in the shade with you and share your bounty.

4. Don’t ask him to “stick”

Don’t be afraid of him going. The most attractive woman in the world is one who’s not holding on, acting like glue. The prize here is YOU – not him!

Remember – if you’re flypaper, you’re stuck to a man, too! That means you’re stuck with the ones who aren’t filling up your needs and your heart!

And, in case you want to hang onto your flypaper and put it in a drawer and take it out for “special occasions” and “special men” – ask yourself this:

Why Would You Ever Even Need Flypaper?

When a “good” man finds you – a man who’s determined to make it his life’s mission to make you ecstatically happy – you don’t NEED flypaper! He stays and sticks because he WANTS to. Because he wants YOU.

Try this in your imagination, and see how it works magically in the real world, with a real man – no matter HOW you’re feeling right now: Change your flypaper to lovely, sweet, feeling-filled you – the way you know you are deep inside yourself when you’re happy and don’t want or need anything – and change your life.

Do it one minute at a time. One tiny second, in fact, at a time. Practice it everywhere, and see how much calmer, sexier, simpler, and more relaxed you feel.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:11am
707: Butterfly Wings says:

Smile – Yeah he knows I like sparkly things, so of course I loved them!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:11am
708: Smile says:

Letting go
Letting go
Letting go
Letting go
Letting go

I just felt a shift

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:14am
709: sharon says:

yes happy i have found sirens!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:14am
710: sharon says:

yes happy i have found sirens!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:14am
711: Femininewoman says:

Hi Sharon. I feel your pain. The belief about so few men being nice is what I would work on changing that is so not true. We are the same age but I live in the US. I believe you might need more experience that comes with dating several men at a time so you get to see how they work. You don’t have to sleep with any. I feel bad that you are in so much pain.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:14am
712: Smile says:

Oo sparklies! I felt my eyes widen. He he I feel like a magpie 

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:16am
713: sharon says:

#711 thank you fw – i agree i need to date more but that is more easily said than done!
xx

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:17am
714: sharon says:

lol at myself, 50 years old and such a baby!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:19am
715: Butterfly Wings says:

ROFL Smile! I had someone ask me the other day if I had “magpie tendencies” and I said “Yup!”.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:19am
716: Femininewoman says:

Sharon if Tues is with a new man I would want to meet in a public place. Meeting at home is too conveniet for sex.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:26am
717: Vi says:

Today there was a moment when mom suddenly got emotional and I felt completely confused and uncomfortable and even kinda disgusted (?!) and I also felt panic thinking ‘what shall I do with that?’ … and I feel all embarrassed to admit that… mmm and now I just feel amused….

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:34am
718: Smile says:

I want to look older.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:42am
719: Smile says:

Just spoke to ex of 10 years step mum. Our birthdays are around the same time. I miss her. She was like a 2nd mum.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:46am
720: Smile says:

After a relationship ends it’s not just the man you lose. It’s a family and a life style.

Felt my sense of longing, now on with the present.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:47am
721: Butterfly Wings says:

720 Smile – that is so true. Although thankfully for me, Ex #2′s sisters and I are still in contact and still friends, which is really nice.

Sad though, that when our marriage ended, our family literally split in half.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:53am
722: Smile says:

I still see his mum every Xmas. It’s nice to keep in touch on fb too with some of his family. This doesn’t feel painful. I love him still but I’m not ‘in’ love with him anymore.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:59am
723: Daria says:

The Moon stays Bright When it Doesn’t Avoid The Night. ~Rumi♥

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:01am
724: Silver Moonbeam says:

#706 Smile

This is fabulous, I had forgotten that one!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:07am
725: Smile says:

Smb, it’s helped me so much 

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:10am
726: Smile says:

I’m not just reading anymore I’m just ‘being’ I don’t have to ‘do’ anything.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:16am
727: Sirenity says:

I just contacted an online guy online on a dating site .

This was a first as he lives in the same small town area as me. On paper we had a lot to chat about and I was in his “demographic”. I really felt open to meeting and chatting someone whose profile resonated .

He replied with the “thanks for your contact but not interested ” site form message.

I am feeling embarrassed and unattractive ..is this because I made the first contact? Should I NEVER show myself to a man online who hasnt seen me first and made first contact?

I usually dont feel rejected if this happens , but this man is close by and actaully “possible” to meet easily (this does not mean available I know ).

F it. Hes probably married.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:29am
728: Sirenity says:

SMB you sound upbeat!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:30am
729: Silver Moonbeam says:

#727 Sirenity

This is why I never contact guys first, I can’t stand the rejection and the humiliation lol!!

I am on Smooch, so on there this guy J well I liked the look of him and saw he had looked at my profile a few times so there is an option “Do you think this person is smoochable?” and you can answer No or Maybe, so I hit the Maybe button and he messaged me!! A bit like dropping the hanky as SLV coined it!

Do you have Smooch in Oz?

Has SLV ever been back online? I’ve missed her witty posts.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:33am
730: Sirenity says:

Sharon, Several years ago I went through a phase of being available for sex with men who had not proved their worth or longevity. I dont judge you at all.
I do wish I had known the Siren rules then however , as i look back.

I think I shut off a few potentially good relationships by having sex early. One of my CD’s who was an addicted serial womaniser actually told me if I wanted a relationship I should NOT sleep with good men .

He said they needed to feel they won me , and resisting pressure from them was a test I needed to pass. Hmmmm….

street wisdom which i share , for what its worth..

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:35am
731: Butterfly Wings says:

(((Sirenity))). I have never contacted a guy on a dating site before. My thinking is that if he WANTS to message me, he will.

And I guess that’s why Rori says to lean back and wait for a guy to contact us – at least we KNOW without a doubt that he’s contacting us because he WANTS to.

I am like that with TH. Especially now. He’s overseas and I’m tempted to send him a message, but if he’s busy/unavailable/not in the mood to chat, then it’s going to come across in his messages (if he responds) and I will feel bad.

But if I get busy and he messages me, I know it’s because he has chosen to contact me, so I feel good about that.

xxx

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:35am
732: Sirenity says:

No , SLV has disappeared sadly.

I do love “dropping the hanky..”
The site i am on the only thing I can do is look at their profile and maybe they notice. Or maybe not.

I dont mind rejection by strangers from the city but this man “felt like” a country neighbour almost…yes all in my head and very humiliating.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:38am
733: Smile says:

Hm, Im not dating on line but I thought rori says it was okay to contact initially and THEN to lean back?????

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:43am
734: Sirenity says:

I agree BW and I dont agree!
There are 70% females to 30% Men on most sites .
(Unless its a sex site where its 80-20)

I am over 50 and outside the search parameters of lots of men my age or years older..(Evan Marc Katz wrote a fine piece about that recently and apparently thats how it is!)

I am 90 mins outside the city currently.

The chance of a man finding me online is slim given all the above. The ones who approach me are older,recently separated and live several hours away in small country towns.

I will keep on making contact to men who are seeking a woman like me. I just have to be thick skinned.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:44am
735: Sirenity says:

You are correct Smile. Thats what I do.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:45am
736: Smile says:

I suppose it’s how that initial showing your interested feels to him? I wonder what it looks like to show interest but not lean too forward?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:49am
737: Smile says:

I’m feeling pretty on the inside today!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:50am
738: Silver Moonbeam says:

Wow I never knew we could contact the online men first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:54am
739: Smile says:

I would probably feel safest winking! 

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:56am
740: Smile says:

Hm but then he wouldn’t know what I siren I was and think I only wanted sex. Eek!

Maybe I would write,

Hi! It would feel great to hear from you…! 

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:00am
741: sharon says:

#716 fw
well we have had two dates so far.
?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:21am
742: sharon says:

#730 siernity
i hear you!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:23am
743: sharon says:

#727
i use the flirt option on pof and get results although often not leading to an actual date. it catches their attention then they can take the lead?
i reject lots of men because they are too far away, too old, not attractive enough, not clever enough and so it goes on! ?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:26am
744: Silver Moonbeam says:

#743 Sharon

I am having much better results on Smooch, have you tried it?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:31am
745: Tam says:

I feel angry today, angry about CDing and the Rori Raye way.
Where does ‘hurting a guy’s feelings’ come into this?
Maybe someone can reassure me here.
I am not out in the world to hurt people.

The story is as follows. I was on a date with EnglishCD, and he has been nothing but lovely, picking me up, taking me for dinner, taking me to nice places etc. Had so much fun last night but realised I was not practising feeling messages and exuded ‘friends’ vibe, because that is how I feel towards him right now. I can’t imagine there being more with this specific man, but we laugh and have a great time.
He is making his moves now though. And as we kissed in the car, and I tried to stay open and in the moment and enjoy it…guess what happened?
My subconscious was repelled, I guess, and I pushed him away literally. The poor guy looked shocked and I felt awful.
So now all this stuff I learnt here worked with him and then I push him away – because I do not feel he can be a romantic prospect. So now what? Do I continue seeing him and giving him hope or do I just stop? If I continue seeing him, what do I do?
Staying open, also for physical stuff when I just don’t feel it in the name of practice?
I don’t know.
I don’t like this.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:38am
746: Tam says:

Sirenity, about the man saying if you want a good relationship with a good man not to sleep with them early on, I totally agree.
Firstly it does mean to them you are not an ‘easy catch’ and I have heard men tell me this over and over. Of course they like to sleep with us on the first date, but if we do, they judge us – and most likely do not see us as a long-term prospect.
They really can separate sex from love.
When I have, on occasion asked male friends, they have reconfirmed it to me also.
MrP even said at some stage ‘if I was only here because I wanted to sleep with you, don’t you think I’d already have found a different ‘target’?’ Something to that effect.
No man will run when we express our boundaries around sex…only the bad ones.
Oh, I have kept them waiting for a looong time before – it made no difference. Sometimes I had sex too soon – they turned into fwb.
I have learnt my lesson and I rest my case.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:44am
747: Silver Moonbeam says:

#746 Tam

How do you know when the time is right? Some of these books say to wait 3 months but I am 59 not 18 and that seems unrealistic.

Obviously not on the first date but how long should you make a man wait so they don’t think you are easy pickings?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:49am
748: sharon says:

it’s about you not him x

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:55am
749: sharon says:

#747 precisely my dilemma!
on smooch what do you put you are looking for?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:57am
750: Tam says:

Oh smile, English breakfast tea with crumpets…oh it’s been a while. I feel jealous now
Went to an English pub yesterday, here in Florida…it was fun!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:57am
751: Tam says:

Smile, about him worrying whether you have room for him in your life..can you see this as a good thing? He sees you taking care of yourself, doing ‘your thing’ and if he is into you 100%, he will make sure that there is room for him by squeezing into your life…that’s how I would see it.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:00am
752: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens…. Good morning! Wish I had time to catch up, but wanted to fill you in on how changing my vibe really worked this week! Normally I see Mr. Conversation several times during the week. This week, we didn’t have any contact Monday, I didn’t contact him first at all, and only saw him Wednesday. I got busy with me and making changes. I also stayed off Facebook a lot more than usual. He noticed, checked in a few times wanting to make sure I was ok. I joined ok Cupid, which he is also on. Because we live so close, every time I log on, he pops up with messages to contact him and that we are a 95% match. I did my best to ignore that and be open to all the other men out there. Emailed with a few, but nothing major. By Friday he was calling, wanting to go to the game together and for me to meet his brother, plus come over after to hang out. I said maybe, and that I’d meet them there. He was very complimentary, noticed my new coat, even that I painted my nails and my lips were shiny. Lol. He was positive I had a date after. He asked several times what was different, my texts to him were shorter, I said I’d been feeling reflective this week and had a lot on my mind. The difference was, I stopped caring to try. Caring to show him or remind him that I’m great. I had less than zero expectations and started to think about my future with or without a man. We did spend a lot of time together this weekend with the kids and it was fun. He was very warm and affectionate. He kissed me. Making jokes and lots of positive comments. My van was making screeching noises and he tried to fix it. I have to admit he looked so sexy getting grease on him haha. He also commented that I’d said I want someone who is going to be there for me, that I could count on, and that’s him. That felt deep and genuine and it mattered to me.

Not reading anything into it. Not making big plans in regard to him. Just enjoyed the moments for what they were and being open to snything or anyone who may feel right in my life.

Off to a busy day! Looking forward to it though! hugs everyone, hope you feel beautiful!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:04am
753: Tam says:

747 SMB, I don’t believe there has to be a rule. I would do what feels right, but for me now, if I meet someone who seems to have what I like and we feel mutual attraction, I would wait at least a month now…most likely longer.
By that I don’t mean 2 dates in a month, but actually a consistent dating effort, like at least 2 a week, lots of other contact (phone, email etc)…this would be hard for me actually, but I know it’s doable as I did it earlier this year with MrP, in 3 months we did not have sex….it was one of the most difficult things I ever did in my entire life, but at the time it made me see that it made absolutely no difference, in fact, he tried much harder to please me and never pushed the issue (just a little every now and then…they will try lol). So now I am even more resolved to wait….and get to know a man’s character really well. I believe by waiting, you can also see a man’s character in how he behaves when he realises it’s going to be some time.
I am sure some fall off the bandwagon…and this is a good thing.
However, if you just want sex ‘to practice’, then go for it!! I had a little phase but that’s well and truly over now.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:06am
754: Silver Moonbeam says:

#749 Sharon

I have it that I am looking for a serious relationship. It’s up to you and where you feel you are in your life.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:08am
755: Sirenity says:

Tam , that exactly is my dilemma around not wanting to “lead on” a man I am not physically turned on to.
I want to get to know him, go out and practice..but when is that “using” someone ?

Well I guess there are many answers to that. Like I said yesterday, he is getting practice too! And then again, its not for me to look after his emotions and guard HIM and his feelings. He is a big boy.

I think the thing is to be honest..”I just am not feeling physically turned on here. I like you as a person and enjoy the fun we have together. I dont know if my feelings would change . What do you think ?”

I think its very different to pretending you DO have feelings when you dont. And I think its also good for the man to know you enjoy his company and that he is a good person to date, even if you personally dont have chemistry as a couple after exploring things a bit.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:09am
756: Silver Moonbeam says:

#753 Tam

Wow you did the 3 month thing huh? I can see how that works, thank you.

I want the next man I have sex with to be the last, ie future husband.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:12am
757: sharon says:

hmmmmmmm

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:15am
758: Tam says:

756 – SMB, that’s exactly how I feel.
Even if it doesn’t happen that way, I just feel better knowing I hopefully won’t get attached to someone who is ‘here today and gone tomorrow’.
I know we can’t predict, but I have seen what happens if sex is on the table too quickly and I have to say – it never turned out well for me.
With MrP it was even a total turnaround, because we had been lovers before, so of course he got confused and suddenly started saying ‘am I too old for you now?’ and all those kinds of ‘am I not good enough’ things…and I had to say time and time again that no, I would just feel good to have a committed relationship before anything else..I am still not sure it sank in as I still got the ‘I am not good enough for you’ vibe. But I can only speak my truth and that’s that.
All water under the bridge now.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:17am
759: Tam says:

755 Sirenity yes, great, so I just have to grow the balls to tell my CD that I am not feeling it, basically, but would like to continue seeing him. Pfff…sounds hard…yikes.
But it is the only way.
No, I don’t feel responsible for his feelings but I also don’t want to lead people on when I know it’s not going to happen, that would just be mean. So being truthful is important to me.
I would not like to be treated like that, so I try to treat people how I would like to be treated…and I can sleep well at night for that and am not going to change that.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:20am
760: sharon says:

RR would say flirt and to me that is encouraging someone who has made it clear he wants sex?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:22am
761: sharon says:

am beginning to think i want to delay it now

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:25am
762: sharon says:

i have reciprocated and encouraged him to believe i want sex with him but i need to tell him how i feel about it

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:27am
763: Silver Moonbeam says:

#755 Sirenity

I think that statement is really good, then it’s up to the man where he wants to go with it. As Tam says it would take some balls to say it, but I suppose that’s what the whole RR thing is about learning to speak up without fear.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:27am
764: Silver Moonbeam says:

Sharon perhaps it would be best if you didn’t meet at your home if you are feeling so unsure.

Take your time, it’s all about YOU!! Did you watch the Byron Katie youtube I posted up there. ^^^^^^^^

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:29am
765: sharon says:

and would it make a difference if he is exclusive to me?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:35am
766: sharon says:

think you are right smb i am just gettingworked up about it so it must be wrong where is the link?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:39am
767: sharon says:

have messaged him saying how i feel

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:49am
768: Belle says:

661

Tereana

I texted:

I feel strangely happy and elated to hear this.
I also feel turned off and doubt I will agree to go out with you again in the future.
I feel no hard feelings, it simply seems we have different values.
Hugs,
B

I didn’t feel frustrated in the least. A minor feeling of dread had been building in my belly and I was here on the blog talking about shaking it off, so my body was telling me something!
I felt good, and relieved.
I called a friend who was available to hang out and we talked and tried to learn a new card game and had a great time.

It’s also kind of weird, like I almost spoke a spell when I said, just before I got the message from him,
“I don’t want to feel all crumply withered folded, I want to feel open, curious and I want to be surprised in a way that feels delicious and delightful, universe. Got it???”

It was almost like the whole universe shifted so I ended up hanging out with my friend. I felt protected, somehow.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:55am
769: Silver Moonbeam says:

Sharon:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgoKKH-R3Pg

I am going to watch this every time I go on a first date for sure!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:56am
770: Radlove says:

Lilibee,

659 – Thank you! I kinda have that feeling, too. It’s just an impossible amount of stuff to do all at once, with little money. Moving when you don’t have a place lined up and can’t afford a moving truck feels impossible. I keep trying to trust that God is working.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:05am
771: Tam says:

I feel hopeful.
Hopeful that my friendship with MrP didn’t go down the drains just because I insisted on my boundaries. It was never an issue before.
I choose to believe that he is dealing with his very own issues right now and will be back when he is ready.
I have surrendered to the notion of no romance and it doesn’t bother me anymore, in fact I believe my life will be easier and much better with another man.
However, he told me earlier this year that I am one of his best friend, or even his best friend (I can’t remember the exact words), and I remember being shocked at hearing that – I never knew.
Hence I know we will talk again.
He’ll be back.
Staying open for that but not ‘hoping’ for anything else.
Actually, it feels very freeing.
Like a weight is coming off my shoulders and at last I feel acceptance of the situation.
Ah.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:05am
772: sharon says:

#771 like!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:11am
773: sharon says:

#769 thanks honey x

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:14am
774: sharon says:

am crap at this but will get better, thanks for the link it is great!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:23am
775: Tam says:

Hm. And is there even the need for someone to be all that, best friend and lover – or is that just one silly expectation. It can be two different men, one a husband and a life partner, one a good friend with whom I feel at home also. Those two are not mutually exclusive, and in fact I had that arrangement earlier this year….the reason why it fell apart were many but not primarily that MrP had said he wanted more (which he did). There were other reasons and complications that weighed more on the relationship I had then.
So yes, it is possible to have it all though not necessarily with one person.
I don’t think this is a bad way of looking at it at all.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:23am
776: Radlove says:

My latest, greatest, yummy thing I like is Dannon greek yogurt in KEY LIME!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:25am
777: Tam says:

mmh, maybe in a couple of weeks I will feel like reaching out in the rock star way, just to find out how his move is coming along…without attaching anything to that (because I actually do feel curious).
That would feel good eventually.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:31am
778: Goddess Lily says:

So my date to the wedding was awesome. We had so much fun. We actually went and danced at the other wedding in the next room. I went with that intention and that’s what I got. Here’s was I didn’t expect: my date started talking about he wants to see me again and sounding like he’s really grown up in the last year. Talk about Rori’s thing about experiencing and being surprised. I was surprised all right.

Back story: His mother saw me in a cooking class and decided I would be good for her son and got us together. Our one and only real date was kind of a joke. He texted through the whole dinner. Took me to his little brother’s basketball game and texted through that. Then at the bar later, he was enjoying all the attention he was getting from old friends (he’d been gone away to school out of state apparently and was now done and back). He bought some girl a drink from across the bar. Long story short, that date was sad. Then months later he invited me to be his date at a wedding, we had a great time then. Hence why I asked him to be my date at the wedding yesterday.

Back to present: I’m trying to stay in exploring mode and not having any expectations. I think he looks up to me though (I’m 3-4 years older) which kind of feels weird. Why does it feel weird to be respected and looked up to? I almost feel mentor-ish which is felt awkward while on a date. Like cougar-y, except that I’m not old enough to be a cougar…..am I? I feel intrigued.

Anyway, all this is speculation. I don’t even know whether I will hear from him again.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 8:01am
779: Sassy says:

Ohhhhh, ladies!!! I am soo proud of me this week!!!
3 very different CD’s, 3 very different issues!! Two of them I have been notorious to chase over the past few years. I decided on October 1 that I would lean back from all 3 and go about my merry little way. One of them called me a week ago yesterday, dropped 2 bombshells on me and I asked him to call me the following Monday on his lunch so we could discuss further. Wellll I haven’t heard back from him and normally my MO would be to call him…but nope, just not gonna do it. At some point, I know we will talk again, possibly see each other, I will leave it up to him to follow thru.
The second one is someone that I’ve been slowly getting to know, phone chats/flirting, but he travels for his job so contact is few and far between. No real expectations up until this past Wednesday after a few emails, he called and we had our normal chat for about 25 minutes, when he asked when he could see me!!! Haha, I was throwing in FM’s here and there, which has really been difficult for me to actually speak them. (I’m ok with writing them here and texting, but he doesn’t text). Anyway, I asked him when did he want to see me, so now we will figure out when we can get together. Thing is, he is completely opposite of the other two, so I plan on being the most leaned back sireny goddessey feeling messagy female energy lady that I can! Woohoo will that be a switch!!! Lol
And last but not least, the one I have loved and been in love with for 3 years, but he is sooo difficult bad boy unable to do relationship wants to only be FWB, texted me at 6:00 this morning thinking we were gonna hook up. Since I haven’t seen him in a year, with several of these situations reoccurring that I kept holding back on, I finally sent him a boundary text and told him I wouldn’t feel right just having sex with him since we haven’t seen each other and since I still have feelings for him. Of course he didn’t respond, which I knew he wouldn’t, but I also said before I stated that boundary, that I realized my saying it may cause him to not want to contact me. So, what will be will be.
Go me!!!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 8:55am
780: Tam says:

Wow Sassy…inspiring!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 8:58am
781: LoveAlways says:

Hi Sirens:

My time to spam the blog with my feeling

I feel so grateful I found Rori and her programs and tools.

I am so in love in the most unpredictable of circumstances and for once in my life it’s not a psycho-drama or heart-wrenching dead end situation.

I’ve found myself in the pits lately, and my stay there is shorter and shorter. . . OMG, I didn’t even know what the “pits” were pre-siren! It’s like a whole new language and way of thinking of living. Being a siren feels exhilarating!

Live and love is not all perfect, but I FEEL everything and this makes me feel alive, living and sensually present in my life.

I am not perfect, but I’m happy feeling and striving to not lose myself in HScd and to slow down every possible moment to explore, experiment, experience, engage, express and expand!

I deal with men and HScd in a better way now because of Rori’s tools. I see where I could make big mistakes by not speaking my feelings, leaning forward and overfunctioning. Of course, I do things my own way, but Rori’s concepts are always in the back of my mind (DON’T MAKE HIM WRONG).

So why am I writing this? Because there might be some woman who has found this blog (siren island) who was in the situation I was in just a year ago . . . and I just want to say that Rori’s programs worked for me (e-book, modern siren, commitment blueprint, targeting mr. right, toxic man & love scripts). And the this is blog is a fabulous place to get feed back on practicing your tools and just having support in the ups and downs of getting into your feelings while dealing with relationships and dating.

One year later, my Life and love-life is not how I thought or expected, but it is so much better and more than I could have imagined.

Much love to all of you,

Namaste

LoveAlways

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 9:51am
782: Starla says:

ummmm so i told warrior i don’t want to date anymore and he started CRYING. a lot. it really upset him. i didn’t even know he was the crying type. i don’t think he is?

he said that he has real feelings for me and that it sucks that i don’t have them for him too, and that we would be friends again but that it would take him a good while before he could come around again.

that’s when i told him that i do have real feelings for him but i basically feel like he could take me or leave me and i know i need a lot more sweetness and something different in general in order to feel secure in a relationship

he said this was his fault and that he is terribly into me but that he has communication/intimacy issues and that he struggles to show how he really feels.

we talked for a while and then he said he would like to keep dating me and let his bad habits re: communication go.

he told me to think about it.

i felt SHOCKED ladies. i really really really didn’t expect him to react that way. i thought he would shrug and say “cool, i was kind of thinking the same thing.”

and it freaks me out to see that that is how he REALLY feels, vs. how he generally acts towards me, and i feel kind of mind f*cked, like i’m not sure exactly who i’m dealing with here, and if he and i are to have a chance at a romance, i really do think we should be just friends for a while and learn more about each other.

i don’t want to be in a relationship where we’re both afraid constantly and struggling to ‘push’ through it. one conversation of hearing about how wonderful he thinks i am in a few months is not enough for me to jump in to the deep end with this guy.

i feel all sad and weird.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:25am
783: LoveAlways says:

I love my channeling list!

I’m going to type it up and upload it so I can access it anytime from anywhere!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:26am
784: Tam says:

Starla, why not give him a chance if you like him…that was a major opening up moment for a guy, sounds like he is very much into you.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:36am
785: Calypso says:

Siren Moment ~

I have been emailing with my son’s Drill Instructor – not asking anything specific about my son, just occasionally checking in and asking general questions. Friday night i got a great email from him full of information, so i responded and asked him what kind of books he likes to read, thinking i’d send him some as a donation (I work for a book company). he responded that I should call him if i felt like it and gave me his number – Lol.

I went out on my front porch and called him. We talked for over an hour. He is 32 – I’m 48. He lives 10 hours from me . . . there is not a chance in hell that we would have a relationship, but we definately have a connection and i feel like a true siren. He said he could tell from my emails that I would be fun to talk to and that he hopes i will call him again. I’m sworn to secrecy – my son can’t know I’m chatting with his DI and neither can the other parents who would want to call and ask about their kids.

DI CD is divorced and has a young son who he only gets to see between 3 month cycles of new Marine recruits. He was so damn funny and i got a real vision of what it must be like for him to have these young boys in his charge for 3 months of boot camp.

I will get to meet DI CD in person when my son graduates in December. I know I will smile at him in that “knowing” way…

I tried to mention casually to my oldest son this morning that I had spoken to his brother’s Drill Instructor about what types of things we could send him while in Boot Camp, but he knows me too well – he said, “Wait – you talked ot him? For how long? Seriously mom, are you dating his drill instructor now?” . . . LMOA – “NO!” Grin . . . “It was just a conversation . . .”

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:44am
786: Starla says:

tam,
the night and day thing freaks me out a bit. it really scares me that he would show one thing for 3 months but have felt another all this time. i gave him lots of opportunities to open up, and also told him specifically what i needed, like walking me to the door, and he resisted, whined, pouted, and even physically restrained me from pressing the elevator button so he wouldn’t have to walk me all the way to my apartment.

basically the message i’m getting here is that it takes a lot of drama and being fed up, like breaking up with him, to get his attention. i can’t be with a man that doesn’t just listen to my needs when i state them clearly several times.

this whole thing feels unhealthy and desperate and i know i deserve a man who doesn’t require this level of teeth pulling just to tell me he actually likes me and to have him take my repeated requests seriously. i don’t expect any man to be perfect just magically, and that’s why i tried talking to him a few times before deciding i just wasn’t going to get what i need from him.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:48am
787: Starla says:

i could really feel my heart breaking when i saw him crying for so long.

such a sad heartbreaking waste to like someone because she’s a healthy nice girl that much but have such communication issues that because she’s a healthy nice girl, she has to walk away

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:55am
788: Starla says:

but for the record, i’m not walking away because he has communication issues. i’m walking away because it’s been 3 months and i never felt like he found me particularly interesting or attractive, and he would rather argue about things like walking me to the door instead of just doing it.

i felt pretty lame in that position.

the fact that he didn’t actually mean any of that doesn’t really change the fact that it happened.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 11:06am
789: Tam says:

Starla, I understand. Got to do what feels right, no need to justify.
I just stood up and poofed and didn’t text back all those that did it to me. I feel fed up and don’t feel the need to justify myself. I spoke my truth, I listened at level 2, I stayed open….and now I just feel frustrated. Nobody listens to me on level 1 or 2. I want what I had. Nothing shallow and silly is going to replace it so soon.
I feel absolutely no need to get more depressed by dating people who suck the life out of me.
That’s that.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 11:10am
790: Sassy says:

Starla,
I know you know this, we all know this, but ima say it again:

Actions (or the lack thereof) speak louder than words.

Do what feels best to you. You are so strong and know what works and doesn’t work for you.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 11:21am
791: Starla says:

thanks tam. it means a lot to me to hear ‘you don’t have to justify’ hehe

something tells me the Starla/Warrior story isn’t finished just yet. but for now starla is on her own.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 11:23am
792: Daria says:

Anger Management 2 – What To Do When He`s the Angry One

By Rori Raye

If we`ve all read our John Gray — Men are From Mars stuff — we know to let the man sit in his cave until he comes out of his own free will. I know this. And yet I`m torn. Torn between steering clear of this mad husband, or pretending he`s not really mad, he`s just cranky, and being the pert, cheerful goalie I always veer toward in a crunch, punting back veiled insults with practiced calm, chatting about other things. Basically pretending.

Okay, so my instincts are to be about as authentic as a reproduction of a velvet Elvis. Who`s anger am I afraid of? His or mine? What could I do to this man with my own anger that is so terrifying I can`t even acknowledge his anger?

Years ago I finally figured out (and have to remind myself every single time) — it just belongs to him. His anger belongs to him, and mine belongs to me. I get to say mine any way I want to, and he gets to say his anyway he wants to. Love is holding your (the anger receiver`s) boundaries when anger comes at you at the same time you show respect for the anger giver`s rights to speak and behave any way he wants.

If I have to remove myself, I do. If I have to say how weird and wretched I feel, if I have to lower my eyes and apologize because, yeah, I did forget to call the plumber when I said I would (and, No, it doesn`t count that he forgot to take out the garbage when he said he would — no keeping score allowed), then so be it.

I`ve come to see it as a blessing. Anger is there because I`m so scared of it. My whole life I practiced and practiced sidestepping, whitewashing, and nullifying anger wherever I saw it, and now when it shows up, it`s my opportunity to practice observing, acknowledging, experiencing, expressing and appreciating the feeling. Hey, it just is. It`s me, it`s him, it`s us together, it`s just the soup of love. Love and disappointment, toothaches and heartaches, pushing each other away and then coming close again.

So how can I help you do anger better? Let`s start with what it feels like to be the one feeling it, and what it feels like to be around someone who`s feeling it.

When your man is angry, the first thing we do is try to guess why he`s angry in the first place. Then we dismiss his reasons and get angry that he`s even angry. Then we remember the last time he did something that we let slide, and we get angry.

Then we each do different things. Some of us so can`t stand being on the receiving end of even a detached look, we jump in to make it all better. We ask him what`s wrong. We apologize no matter what we really think. We absorb blame and feel responsible for the whole mess. We absorb the emotions, turn our own insides out. Some of us fold and cry, and some of us get defensive at the get-go, and before you know it, we`re arguing, fighting, whatever happens in our particular household.

How `bout this: It has nothing to do with you.

If you were able to communicate brilliantly, find out what the problem is and solve it, you might alleviate the tension at the moment, and you might create an even bigger problem — the relationship suffers when you try (even if you succeed) to solve anything. So don`t. Just express what is about you

“I feel terrible” works when you feel terrible. “I feel so awful” works when you feel awful. “I feel angry” works when you feel angry — even when you don`t think it`s justified that you feel angry! “I feel lonely and miserable” works when he`s ignoring you. And saying nothing at all and just listening to him may be all your heart needs to get a bead on what`s really going on for you. And if he disappears into that cave or goes on a moody rampage for awhile at the local office supply store? What is it like to just take care of yourself when he`s not there — or just not available because his mood is none of your business?

It is completely useless to try to nudge him out of his mood so that you can have a nice evening. It is the undoing of relationships to put the movie night ahead of the relationship. You can either get brave and say what you feel, or get brave and move to the back row of the theater or another movie altogether, or leave him on his own at the party, or call a cab, or do any number of things. Except pretend. Just because he`s mad, or sad, or glad, doesn`t mean you have to be a part of the demonstration. How he is doesn`t have to be how you are.

Yes, it impacts how you are, because you are relating, and that`s part of the deal of being in a relationship (and if this is happening all the time you might want to look at the ground rules of the relationship in the first place) — but basically, if you`re in a good mood, you don`t have to go down to his mood to connect. Stay where you are and let him come looking for the good stuff. Eventually, he will.

Honoring and respecting a man is letting him be where he is. Even if you don`t like it. And you don`t have to like it! You certainly aren`t going to take abuse or neglect (boundaries, right?) or fold under the pressure of someone else`s negative emotions — I am here as Coach Rori to help you not do that. So you don`t have anything to defend. Instead, Go where you are. Be where you are. Lift yourself up by going where it feels better, not where your mind runs.

Love yourself first. Pretend never. Keep your eyes on the prize. Connecting, relating, and just being all come before comfort, appearances, and pleasantness.

Find out where you are, put words to it, stand tall in the face of it, and honor authenticity wherever you find it — outside your man`s cave, inside his loving arms, sitting side by side. Stay with your feelings. As soon as you do, everything gets better.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:07pm
793: Sassy says:

Where’d everybody go???

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 12:50pm
794: Femininewoman says:

Calypso – haha your son knows you that well.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 1:26pm
795: Starla says:

wow quiet blog day

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 1:46pm
796: Goddess Lily says:

Maybe everybody is off having wonderful adventures.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:05pm
797: FlowerChild77 says:

Sirens…I need help. (Yes, STILL.)

I’m trying my best to heal and ‘move on’ with my life. I have a good day or two, here and there, but it’s not “real.” I’m still in a fog and it’s starting to scare me.

I’m still so very sad, grieving about my fiance (it was last year this time that he bought me the ring and we were fixing up the house and shopping for carpet, etc.) I never really got over that, but I had turned a small corner this summer and I was SO relieved to be feeling better.

Then, my son. (Fatal car accident, coma, dead at 32.) I still don’t really believe it happened (AGAIN.) I am “plagued” by dreams about both of them and they’re always the very real, vivid kind of dreams where I wake up and feel like I was actually WITH them, talking to them, touching them, etc. The dreams about my son are usually about him as a baby. He was my first child.

I’ve been meditating and I “use that” to get myself out of “moods” so that I can do things I need to do (day-to-day living) but it only seems to help for awhile.

I try to day-dream about the future and what I want and try to focus on what I HAVE and all that I’m grateful for—–but I can’t seem to make that “stronger/bigger” than the feeling of loss and emptiness. I feel absolutely HOPELESS inside. In my mind, I know it’s wrong and selfish and weak, but all I feel is shame and despair.

What can I do? I still do not want to take medication (anti-depressants.) I did have to take them at one time, but it took away ALL of my emotions and I felt like a robot. I felt heartless and empty—-but, because of the medicine—I didn’t care. I don’t want to feel that way ever again. But I don’t want to feel like this, either.

I didn’t go to church this morning because I don’t want anyone to see me like this (trying not to cry, in slow-motion, etc.) Everyone has been very kind and I appreciate all the cards and offers to help, etc.—but underneath all that is the unspoken expectation that I ‘get over it’—’don’t dwell on it’ and ‘move on’ already.

I just stay to myself. It takes a huge amount of energy to ‘act’ like I’m fine and smile and pretend (which is what I have to do when I go anywhere. I can’t let anyone know I still feel like this.)

You ladies are strong and wise and if any of you know what or how I can make this better, without chemicals that take away my personality—please—tell me how or where to look or read or learn. Please…I’m desperate.

I know it seems like a long time to others, but to me it’s just been one LONG, painful day since April 24th…and it started all over again on August 29th. I’m sorry to be such a gloomy, repetitive, negative poster. I don’t know what else to do, but to reach out to the people I admire the most—you Sirens.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:16pm
798: Butterfly wings says:

(((Flowerchild))) you’ve only just lost your son. I’m not sure that’s something a loving parent can ever get over completely. But you need time and plenty of it before you start to feel better, and justifiably so.

My heart just breaks for you whenever I think of your situation.

I’m not sure if this will help but when I was showing the signs of major depression recently, here’s what my therapist suggested:

1. Regular exercise – she said that exercise was like a natural anti depressant. Even a brisk walk will be good if you can’t handle more right now.

2. Write in a gratitude journal every day – try to come up with at least 5 things you feel grateful for. I know right now it’ll be hard to find such things, but you have that gorgeous granddaughter there, so that’s one big thing.

3. Find something you’re passionate about – Rori calls this your “Purpose on the Planet (POP)”. Focus on this passion and give your life meaning.

Sending love your way and I hope this helps you just a little.

xxx

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:38pm
799: Butterfly wings says:

Oh and please stop beating yourself up FC – you’ve barely given yourself any time to grieve. Give yourself time and I’m sure the other sirens would agree that you’re free to vent here or at siren island anytime you want.

xxxxx

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:40pm
800: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi Flowerchild,

I’m so sorry that you are feeling so much pain. You went through a really intense experience and it is totally understandable. At the same time, I understand your desire (or need) to be able to move forward and LIVE.

As you probably already know, my go to is Abraham Hicks and I especially love their views on death. That would be my recommendation, to go to Youtube and listen to everything they say about the topic of death. Jerry, Esther’s husband, just passed this year coincidentally and she has had lots to say on the topic.

And also give yourself tons of love, compassion, and understanding.

Also, certain vitamins have helped me a lot with the physical aspects of depression. Way better than pharmaceuticals, imho. You’ve been through a lot of stress which can deplete the body and really affect your mood. Dominique is familiar with some herbal tincture that can help with depression as well.

It’s great to see you back here!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:50pm
801: Laughing Goddess says:

I agree with everything BW says too!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:53pm
802: Laughing Goddess says:

Starla,

Woah, he cried?!?

I had a feeling he was pretty into you. Hmmm, I understand your hesitancy to get too involved though. I feel curious and excited to see how this unfolds!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:55pm
803: Laughing Goddess says:

BW: Hi! Did you ever get my email?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:57pm
804: Daria says:

” I know it’s wrong and selfish and weak,”

i don’t think it is.

” it seems like a long time to others,”

not even close

” I can’t let anyone know I still feel like this.”

it may be easier to be real and open with it

.

I would keep googling healing therapies online and practicing what calls to me.

Definitely doing EFT videos on grief and trauma and loss. Theres some on youtube.

big love

Byron Katie videos i’ve seen help people in deep grief

Abraham Hicks videos really help me sometimes when I’m in deep pain

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:58pm
805: Daria says:

Seaweed – a bowl of plain kelp

boosts my brain chemicals from sad to happy pretty much instantly

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:01pm
806: Daria says:

i’m feeling totally numbed out and detached

((((Daria)))))

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:03pm
807: FlowerChild77 says:

Thank you BW and LG. I’m going to try going back to the pool this week. I know that would help me a LOT. The way I feel it’s hard to get motivated enough to get dressed and out of the house. But I know that getting back to exercising is important.

I guess since I act like ‘things are fine’ it feels good to just admit that I DO feel this bad and that it ISN’T just going away.

I am thankful for my grand daughters—they are both dear to me and I see them often, but, again, it’s hard to act ‘fine’ for any long periods of time and I don’t ever want them to see me crying and sobbing.

Thank you for letting me know it’s ok to feel bad and that you understand. I’ve been using the ‘fall to the floor’ tool when it’s really intense, but I usually end up sobbing my heart out and then I’m so exhausted I have to lay down. Not sure if that’s helpful or not….

Thank you for talking to me…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:07pm
808: CurvySiren10 says:

Flowerchild, sending you so many hugs. And I want to say I really admire your decision to get through this horrific time without chemical alteration. That itself blows my mind. We’re so programmed as a society to turn to whatever drug might put a bandaid on our pain.

Like the others said, this is still so new and fresh. It’s only been 6 months since you lost your fiance’ and less than 2 since the death of your oldest child. I can’t even imagine how you are feeling, but I do imagine given similar circumstances, I’d want to give myself A LOT more time to grieve and feel however the heck I needed to feel… without being upset with myself.

I think with time, you will naturally start to evolve into a better place, but for now. It’s perfectly okay to be stuck. I loved BW’s ideas. I love the idea of just allowing yourself to be sad too. Little by little, I really do believe you’ll begin to heal and get stronger. I don’t believe this can be rushed or that anything is “wrong” with you at all.

I wish I knew what else to say to help, but I wanted to say SOMETHING because I feel so much sympathy and concern for you.

HUGS!!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:10pm
809: Tam says:

I’ll second CurvySiren…big hugs to you Flowerchild!!!
I have so much respect and admiration for you.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:22pm
810: FlowerChild77 says:

Thank you CurvySiren,

My son’s funeral was a month ago tomorrow. He died on September 8th. I do find some comfort knowing he helped others (organ donation) but that feeling seems to be completely separate from the loss.

He and my fiance were two people in my life who were always loving and who never laughed at me. I have a great sense of humor and can laugh at myself–I think that’s important. But for some reason, they never poked fun or laughed. I trusted them both in the same way.

The night D died, I called my son to come to the hospital. He was as sad as I was, but he was there for me. I was so upset I was nauseous and felt like I would faint. He carried me out to his car and put the seat all the way down and covered me up with his jacket and brought me home (40 mile ride.)

When we got here, I put my pajamas on and he “tucked me in” and lay next to me and held me until I fell asleep. Then he went out on the couch for two hours and changed his clothes and went to work. I don’t know what I would have done without him.

He was so kind to me—always. I feel like I’ve lost both my ‘heros.’

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:27pm
811: Laughing Goddess says:

Wow, that story about how your son was with you when fiancé died is so moving. I have shivers. He sounds like he was an amazing man.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:32pm
812: Sassy says:

FLowerChild,
Everything that all the sirens are telling you is absolutely wonderful.
I truly believe that you need to TALK through your grief.
Talking is crucial for your healing process, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be with a professional.
There are 5 stages of grief, and I feel you may have to go through each stage for both of your losses, unfortunately.
Possibly read “When had things happen to good people”,
or other books dealing with grief.
You need to let this pain out. Especially now with the cold weather beginning and the holidays coming up, it will be vital.
Coming here and writing out your pain and feelings is a great start. You have (or had) my personal email, if you ever want to email with me, please please don’t hesitate.
And seriously, if you want to talk, I would be very open to talking this through with you. I can’t possibly know your pain, but I am willing to help you in any way.

Take care of you.
Much love

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:34pm
813: Luzydel says:

I’m stranded at the park! I was feeling so relaxed and I started to write and manifesting. Suddenly I decided to go back near the lake and closed my car door, I forgot the keys inside. No superhero to the rescue, my sons father is stopping by withean extra set of keys the kid will get at home within an hr. it’s getting cold and mosquitoes are ready to eat me up. Lesson learned, need roadside assistance.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:34pm
814: Belle says:

Wow.

I was going to offer up a story from my past in order to relate and
suddenly realized, I don’t have to tell that story
ever
ever
ever
ever
again.
There are nearly 7 billion OTHER people on the planet with compassion and stories to share and relate, it doesn’t have to come down to ME to be the one.
This feels curious.
Interesting.
Never again?
I never have to tell it again.
Ever.

That “Bug Free Mind” stuff is working!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:34pm
815: Sassy says:

809 what a wonderful, heartwarming, loving story. Your son definitely sounds like a hero.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:38pm
816: Daria says:

” I’ve been using the ‘fall to the floor’ tool when it’s really intense, but I usually end up sobbing my heart out and then I’m so exhausted I have to lay down. Not sure if that’s helpful or not….”

yes that’s very very helpful

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:57pm
817: Daria says:

“I don’t ever want them to see me crying and sobbing.” i understand this can feel challenging to unwrap from the mind, but it may help them to see raw emotion to learn that ist ok to process their own grief instead of storing trauma

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 3:59pm
818: Laughing Goddess says:

I know this is totally random, but I’ve been craving that boxed mac and cheese lately. I haven’t succumbed to the craving because I’m staying away from processed foods right now.

I’m trying to find a healthy, homemade gluten-free version. I want it to taste like the box stuff though, not the oven-cooked kind. My body is really craving this specific taste.

I found a recipe that I’m going to try tonight and I feel so excited!!!

Also going to try a new recipe for breaded prawns!

I love it when I feel excited about food!!! It’s a really great step for me in nurturing myself.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:05pm
819: Tam says:

I just realise it’s been 10 days since I was last contacted by MrP. I feel totally turned off now. It was good to have a number.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:07pm
820: MissStix says:

((((flowerchild))))

I simply have no idea what to say other than it’s ok to feel the way you feel.

I know…Life goes on and all that. But I just want to say it’s ok.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:19pm
821: Luzydel says:

I’m really not liking people right now… I’m here obviously looking stranded and not a single soul has offer help. A guy just stood there looking at me but he did not ask if I was ok… The more a realize it theore I k ow I’m alone in this freakin world!!! I am just going to manifest for money…. F@ck people!!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:27pm
822: Sassy says:

Awwww, Luzydel,

I totally know how it feels to be stranded! It sux big ones!!!
My car broke down twice in the middle of the road last year and I pretty much just got dirty looks. Very dangerous and I felt totally helpless.
But don’t give up on people, there really are good ones out there. I would help you if I was there, wherever you are.
(((((Luzydel))))

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:34pm
823: Heart says:

Hi Sirens – I went to a party and met some new people. I met this guy ….he was interesting and a little weird…He gave me pictures of his artwork and already asked to me to a small party he is having…I feel curious.
Still, – he did the unthinkable and sent me and FB friend request and…I added him…Eeek, FB is so unavoidable.

Also, when after the party, the other guy just paid for my ride home and made me promise to go to a dinner he is having…lol. Feels good to accept “gifts” from a man. Usually I would be like noo that’s wrong…but now I’m just like – ok sure …thank you. I’ve been practicing showing & articulating simple appreciation to men …And all the awesome things they do.

I guess I’m back in Cd mode..AwwCD has asked me out again…so I’ll meet him soon.

I don’t want to let CudG go….I miss him. It’s been so long…but I’m going to keep moving forward…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:39pm
824: Tam says:

Luzydel….I am so sorry..I wish I could zoom over and help you

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:48pm
825: Tam says:

((Heart)) that’s great news!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:49pm
826: Daria says:

wowof just a tiny puff of mullein and my nausea is relieved

thank you sacred smoke

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:52pm
827: Tam says:

Well, I have just created a day-spa in the little bathroom and had a hair treatment, and now will do a little manicure. I feel good taking care of myself.
EnglishCD is obviously hard in taking as he did not mind me pushing him away and wants to take me to a movie. I feel hesitant, and I said that I did not feel like it today but maybe another day this week. Unsure.
I had a couple of other CD’s texting…I still feel turned off at those who don’t seem to be able to make concrete plans. It’s ok.
I have also been ruminating about MrP’s disappearance and the ‘friendship’. Well, yes we were friends, but right now I could have done really with the friendship side coming out and him just checking in with me. he knows I am in a pickle but seems disinterested as to how I am doing. Not really what I would consider a friend.
More like a friendship that suits him as and when he feels like it. I do know that if I called him at 3am with an emergency, he’s be here within 20 minutes (and that feels comforting), but that’s beside the point. My friends check in with me often,and he used to. Just a little misunderstanding 10 days ago and it’s all back to square 1?
Perhaps then I am really ready to let him and our common friends all go and start again making new friends. I don’t even know if I feel sad about that anymore. Interesting.
Back to my day-spa

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:55pm
828: Daria says:

thats pretty dope

im gonna go to bed now and rest

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:56pm
829: Tam says:

moreover, if he does come back I’ll just be like: ‘meh, you’re gonna disappear again if you get your knickers in a twist…not really worth it either romance or friendship’.
Yeah. If he does come back, which he will I might stay with my tortoise head in shell…I feel fed up of getting my tail clipped everytime I stick my head out.
That ain’t how it’s supposed to be.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 4:57pm
830: Sassy says:

((((Tam))))

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:15pm
831: Linda says:

I am furious. Had a man been contacting me thru email on the website set up to meet tonight. He did not show! hmmmm. I am happy that I am mad and not sad. I used to make everything my fault or that there was something wrong with me. My shift is… there is NOTHING wrong with me! I feel like lopping off his head. JERK!

I dont want to be treated like this. I guess I should have added when I stated to the world that I did not want any more men asking for my number and not calling… to add.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:25pm
832: FlowerChild77 says:

Thank you MissStix, Daria and Sassy…

If I do talk about it, it will have to be with you and, maybe, a therapist. I never did talk about it a lot with others, but I’ve noticed that any mention of it and people immediately get uncomfortable and try to ‘steer me’ away by changing the subject and/or offering some sort of platitude. So crying or being ‘real’ is out of the question.

I’m sure they mean well, but it doesn’t help. Last Sunday after church (we always have lunch) and I was telling one of the women how nice it was of my younger son to help me clean out the room I’d been storing all the ‘stuff’ connected with all this sadness. (Stuff with my mother’s house, all the stuff from out at the house and now, most recently, my son’s belongings—it was literally stacked up to the ceiling.)

I was happy about it and was telling her how good it felt to be able to use that room, etc. and how much I appreciated his help. She couldn’t wait for me to finish what I was saying, so she could say, “And now you can MOVE ON.” And in the same breath she started another conversation.

No one wants me to ‘go there.’ I was feeling good about what I was trying to say, but I saw the look on her face and when she cut me off that way I almost started crying. I didn’t see anything wrong with what I was talking about (grateful, glad, etc.) so I guess I don’t dare talk about anything but the weather…

Thank you for listening to me and understanding how painful this is. It feels GOOD to feel heard.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:26pm
833: Tam says:

Oh Sassy, thank you for the hug, I thought earlier ‘I could really do with a big hug today’.
Even just a cyber hug feels great.

I feel ok. Resignated but ok.
I shouldn’t think about it, I know, but I lost my chance for a greencard due to that guy re-appearing on the scene earlier this year and fighting like hell for me….and he knows it, which is why (I know) he has been searching for ways to keep me here….hence that was what the meeting on Wed was all about. I just wish he had told me before. And it’s also clear to me why he ran.
He knows that the decent thing to do, after he talked me out of my last relationship/marriage by offering both to me, would have been to either do it, or say ‘look, I got nervous but we are in this together, let’s talk about it all’…but just disappearing and ignoring it and telling me ‘oh my brother will marry you, my friend will marry you, I find another way bla bla’ – well, he has not found another way and he doesn’t owe me anything. I feel surprised he seems to think he does. And I suspect he is angry at himself that he wasn’t able to help me.
I just expect honesty and kindness – the same I have always given him.
This would have been his 4th chance to at least make good, shake hands/hug and talk and get it straight, salvage at least the friendship….but no. He said he doesn’t want ‘friction’ before leaving to Europe. I feel humiliated – am I friction?
He knows I expect nothing, but that does not mean that it wouldn’t feel good if he gave something.
Ah, whatever.
I feel really done with it all. I feel finally done with him.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:27pm
834: Tam says:

Flowerchild, I feel angry reading that people you know won’t let you talk….that you are not allowed to ‘let it all out’ and process your grief.
I don’t understand.
I wish I could be there in person and just listen to you.
I feel sad, angry and tearful about your situation.
(((((Flowerchild))))

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:30pm
835: Butterfly wings says:

802 LG – No I didn’t get it. Can you send it again??

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:41pm
836: Dominique says:

Smile – 667 – You cannot control what he thinks. He will think what he does. If you want to see him, then you make time for him. If he asks and you are busy, then you tell exactly when you are free and that it would feel so good seeing him if this is how you feel.

xxoo

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:43pm
837: Butterfly wings says:

Flowerchild – you will always have a sounding board here. I’d feel happier that you’re processing here and letting it all out rather than bottling it in.

Your son was a truly wonderful man and you are so lucky to have had such an angel in your life, even though it was for too short a time. xxxxx

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:44pm
838: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((((((((((FlowerChild77)))))))))))))))))))

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:52pm
839: Sassy says:

FC,

Anytime you need, anything you want to say.
I am not a big talker, I have always been the listener and both men and women have told me things they would never tell anyone else. I will take their words and stories “to the grave.”
I feel fascinated by what people say, their truths, their processes, their pain and their happiness.
So let it out, sweet siren.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 5:52pm
840: Sassy says:

Tam, sweet Tam-you’re welcome for the hug, I believe we could all use some today.
I’m gonna throw something out here, I hope you will take a minute with it and roll it around in your head and heart.
Since you feel friendship with Mr P, and you are obviously torn between having him in your life or not having him, why not just take back your power, and contact him. Tell him you want to just get all of these issues, feelings, thoughts out in the open so you can move forward. And do it for you, not for any outcome or step-up from him.
Peace of mind, peace of heart.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:00pm
841: LiliBee says:

(((Luzydel)))

I would listen to you (((FlowerChild))) and let you go on all you want.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:01pm
842: Linda says:

hit send before I finished my post. wow! my brain is fried!

to add….
if they do set up a meeting to actually show up!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:04pm
843: Heart says:

Tam – 10 days? It’s been almost 3 weeks now since I’ve heard from CudG…Part of me cannot really believe he walked away. I miss him!

(((Tam))) Take a few days off for Cding? Recharge? Sink. Feel. Cry. Shift?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:04pm
844: Tam says:

839, Sassy…I had been thinking about this but I feel unsure as to how to go about it.
Right now I would be totally unattached to an outcome, but I struggle for what to say.
Your response feels quite reassuring…because I really do feel like getting some things off my chest (not in a ‘let him have it’ way, a ‘being authentic way’)
But I don’t know how to go about it.
Hm

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:05pm
845: Heart says:

take a few days off from cding…

why do i make so many typos ad mistakes…lol
I can write properly sirens…and yes I do know the difference between your and you’re …lol.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:06pm
846: LiliBee says:

813:

Belle,

I feel more and more ridiculous when I start telling my past stories.
Not ridiculous in the sense of judging myself, but feeling more like I don’t need it anymore, it’s pointless.
Maybe just bc I’ve learned the lesson, and I don’t need it anymore.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:06pm
847: Tam says:

Heart, I have been CDing – to no avail, it’s been peeving me off more than anything.
I feel ok right now, I can let go.
I have felt pretty lonely here and had to deal with all my issues myself – so much for the friendship.
I do not feel invested anymore as of today, just had a huge shift….he can stay locked behind his walls, all good.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:07pm
848: Tam says:

Heart, he used to contact me at least every other day when I was in Fl, we did a lot of day to day stuff together…friends stuff…..10 days/14 days is the pattern for when I am away, not close. He is pretending I am not here. It feels fake.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:09pm
849: Butterfly wings says:

My CD for tomorrow night is still happening. He’s even offered to pick me up rather than meet me there.

I have to be careful about not leading him on – he’s had a thing for me for ages now…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:14pm
850: Tam says:

BW, I feel super happy that you are CDing.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:17pm
851: Sassy says:

Tam,
Maybe just take paper and pencil or a journal, go down on the beach and just write it all out, brainstorm style. Just let every thought and feeling flow and then put it away for a day.
You’ll know what and how to say it all after that.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:19pm
852: Heart says:

Tam – (((Tam)))

I feel concerned. I feel dread.
I don’t know if I can witness you wasting anymore energy on Mr.P.
Somethings seems sketchy about his behaviour. There seem to be a huge gap between how your interpret the events and how things actually are…
I think you need to just ask him about all these things…
So you can let him go?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:25pm
853: Laughing Goddess says:

Tam: I agree with Sassy and Heart that it could be good to talk with him. It seems like you are really going round and round about this in your head. I keep hearing you say you are over it but then the next day it’s the same thing.

Maybe just feeling the sadness, anger, or whatever it is would help rather than trying to get over it. And maybe talking with him would help to gain some clarity.

Hearing that he’s saying that he doesn’t want friction, leads me to believe that for some reason he’s feeling made wrong or not emotionally safe with you. The flypaper exerciseight help with that.

I feel inspired by spa night!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:33pm
854: Heart says:

#847 – Tam – it sounds like he’s moving away…and not looking to start up anything again. That’s the impression I am getting…Of course he cares for you…there will be lingering feelings and attraction…But there is no energy coming your way …
Call him, talk, meet him, get things off your chest, hear what e has to say…I know Rori says we should forget about closure but I believe you need some closure.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:34pm
855: Laughing Goddess says:

BW: Can you give me your email addy again? Thanks!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:34pm
856: Laughing Goddess says:

(((Flowerchild)))

I love it when you post and hope you feel free to let it all out here. I feel unsure of why the lady at church would act like that. :-/

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:37pm
857: Tam says:

Thank you Sassy and Heart….yes, I can let him go.
I have let him go.
About the interpreting, well, I don’t. I take his words for it..and later turns out that all the unsaid things were the stuff between the lines…always been like that. The only time you ever hear him talk from his heart is when he is caught off-guard, feels really unthreatened or had a drink (as he usually doesn’t), and what comes out then is always a shocker because it is soooo NOT what he says when he is is usual defensive walled up self.

But I am fed up of giving leeway. He is too much hard work and I really really can’t be bothered to read between the lines…like that meeting Wed. At first he was ‘meeting with some friends’.
Later turned out it was about me. Did he tell me? No.
It’s always the same. Exasperating.
And annoying.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:39pm
858: Tam says:

853, Heart yep exactly. Moving away…however that works out. Hence I am even less inclined to waste any more energy.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:40pm
859: Tam says:

Actually, I decided not to contact him. No more energy spent. I need my energy for myself.
Thanks L:adies!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:43pm
860: Laughing Goddess says:

850 Sassy

I love that suggestion!

Sometimes I will even write a letter that I never intend on sending just to get it all out.

I remembering reading a suggestion from Rori where she says to write it all out using whatever words you want, blaming, shaming, whatever…just get it out…and then go back and translate into FM’s.

Also reminds me of Belle’s idea of saying the accusations very dramatically in front of a mirror.

Doing things like this really helps me to move the energy rather than just spinning in my head. Feels very freeing!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:44pm
861: Tam says:

859..yeah, I might do that just for me.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:45pm
862: Heart says:

Tam – what if some of the things you read between the lines are just not true.

Look at the actions…I feel uneasy.
I do not understand how you can interpret the “meeting” as being about you. I feel scared to tell you this but it didb’t seem to be about you at all. A meeting with his friends at a bar on a ladies night with him not telling you about it and not picking you up – is about you?
I feel shocked. I feel scared.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:49pm
863: Tam says:

Heart, he TOLD me it was about me…lol..I am not quite so deluded as to make it up. It had something to do with business/job/visa.
Don’t get your knickers in a twist…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:51pm
864: Tam says:

he did tell me about it. like three times, he just didn’t like that I asked to be picked up – which is typical. He was peeved off that I did not make the effort to go there as it had something to do with me. He assumed that, since he told me about it, that I somehow guessed it was about me. If it had been a ladies night think trying to pick up women, he wouldn’t have toild me about it – makes no sense!!Had it been his idea to pick me up, he’d have done it. This is what I mean. Too much bloody hard work to read between the lines.
I don’t.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:55pm
865: luzydel says:

I am home! wheew; I feel so dumb; got all inspired and nice and feeling positive then when I closed my car door to go to the lake, I realized I left the keys on the front seat. F*CK I feel so frustrated, I had to tell my son’s father to stop at m place pick up a spare key and bring it to me, but he lives over an hr away, so I had to wait until he gets here to drop the kid as usual…

I texted Virgo guy since he live so close, but he acted like a jerk; surprisingly D offer to help, but he was too far also, so I didn’t want to bother him. Im wondering if positive thinking really works, I think I’m jinxing myself with all these fantasy of manifestation.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:56pm
866: Belle says:

859

LG
Omg yes it is SO much fun! I tell myself I’m gonna play “Drama Queen Theater” and I practice until I perfect the part to my satisfaction. Then what actually came out of my mouth when I talked to C in person was TOTALLY different and all FM’s

sosososososo
this is what I feel excited about right now…
I’ve been practicing consciously shifting my feeling state.
I was about to get into a hot bath, and I put on the “Quiet Storm” radio station.
A sweet romantic song that the ex I was hung up on for 16 years (*facepalm*) came on and I started to cry, remembering how he sang that song to me when we briefly got back together, then
got back with his gf just a day or two later, and called me and left a message not to call or harass him anymore (because he didn’t want his gf to know he was hooking up with me, tried to make out like I was Crazy Stalker Chick).
I felt so confused and humiliated and all sorts of cruddy stuff
I started to re-live all of that and was crying and feeling sad and
STOPPED myself
and started shaking my head,
“no, no, NO, NO, NO! I don’t want to feel sad! I don’t want to feel crappy! I don’t want to be all upset! I want to feel sweet and fresh and innocent pure heart, I want to feel lighthearted and happy and yummy and delicious and sexy and romantic and joyful,”
and kept coaching myself through it until, just a minute or two later, I feel all soft and glowy!
I’m going to change the station, though, because they are playing all breakup songs instead of love songs, lol.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 6:57pm
867: Tam says:

Heart, the meeting was supposed to be at a Starbucks first, they changed location

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:00pm
868: Laughing Goddess says:

Belle: I love it!!!!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:00pm
869: LiliBee says:

Silver Moonbeam,

I feel so smiley reading your posts
I am enjoying your new vibe.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:01pm
870: Tam says:

Anyhow, enough of that. Onwards and upwards. I have plenty of other fish getting on my nerves, so I should be occupied…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:01pm
871: Tam says:

Luzydel, glad you made it home….yeah, I don’t think up positive stories anymore either, ha!! Orientation firmly in reality.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:03pm
872: Heart says:

Tam – Ok. I don’t want to debate this…I feel good and don’t care to get sucked into a “proving someone wrong” mindset.
It feels icky…and is sucking up my siren power.
I don’t want to suck up your siren power either…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:34pm
873: Butterfly wings says:

854 LG – it’s mishy0811@hotmail.com

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:38pm
874: Belle says:

It worked! It really worked!!
Woo-friggin HOOOOO!!
I had a yummy bath, had a stern conversation with my mind about wants/don’t wants, how are particular situations actually serving me, etc…
contemplated forgiveness for
EVERYONE and EVERYTHING
blessed and thanked my ancestors and those to come after me
joked with myself until I literally spewed water I was trying to drink
Listening to delicious flowy Nitin Sawhney “Falling”
and Bombay Dub Orchestra
nearly ready for bed
oh hell yesssss!!

Srsly, Sirens, this is the coolest thing in life So Far – I didn’t know I could Just Say No to horrible feelings. This isn’t suppressing or repressing them, this is like maybe being in charge of them. Feel This, Not That ™

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:42pm
875: Janie Baby says:

Sirens, help me.
I feel so out of control. I was doing really good with the program. For the past two weeks I was leaning back, but being understanding and open about my feelings without putting blame. I’ve been sad this man i thought was soul mate we are each others first loves/soul mates and we were inseparable for 1 year or so, then I left for 6 months and came back and hes alot busier and would rather drink with a guy friend or watch a football game than hang out wtih me every day. I snapped today and keept calling him and sending him text messages about not trusting him and that i cant believe he abandoned me and that he uses me for sex and that i consider him my best friend anymore. i sent him countless texts. the anger felt out of control. i couldn’t help it, i felt so masochistic, then i would send texts like “sorry for being but i’m very hurt and convering it up with anger” and finally eh called back just really angry and hes like I dont deserve to be your punching bag blah blah blah but I just feel abandoned and hurt. I don’t have many friendsh ere, he was my best friend i could depend on. please, advice. solace, how do i stop from attacking? i think it might be over now but i always go back to him.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:43pm
876: luzydel says:

I am already convinced that there is no man for me; he doesn’t exist. I just want to feel at peace right now, relaxed and do the things I like. I don’t want to think about men anymore; they are a bad distraction from what I thik should be my priority. My happiness should be more important. F*ck men!

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:48pm
877: MissStix says:

Flowerchild

I think of you often, and I have the picture you posted of your son emblazoned in my memory.

I don’t like “lets all move on and forget about this awful business”. The emotion and intensity of losing someone I love is not better served by “moving on”. Grief is not better swept under the rug.

I do feel angry. Like people have no backbone to be in the presence of grief. As if they are put off by it. I guess…People are uncomfortable because they know damn well how devastating it would feel. And they feel helpless. I have compassion for humans…I just wish for more awareness and support and acceptance. And I want to read whatever you have to say about your feelings and thoughts.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 7:53pm
878: Siren Angel says:

I am a Goddess.
I am the one.
Any man would walk through fire to be with me, especially M.
I am the one he wants to hold onto forever.
I am divine, pure, feminine energy.
I am irresistible, sweet and precious.
I am the one he wants forever.
I am the one.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 8:25pm
879: Heart says:

Sirens – I feel curious about something…

Do you think a man’s female friends can sense when he is becoming involved with someone?

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 9:13pm
880: Smile says:

Ugh, woke up feeling a little bit of dread this morning.

I am enough

I am enough

I am enough

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:33pm
881: Smile says:

Janie baby,

I would vent my anger on the blog rather than spew it on a man. Then I would check what my trigger was for being angry and once I had calmed down I would see if I could translate it into a feeling message so he could hear it. This is just what I think I would do 

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:36pm
882: Tereana says:

Oh, wow – go me! I had a totally rocking’ sireny weekend (I believe.)

On friday, I stayed in and took care of ME (yeah!) then on Saturday, I got up and did things I like to do, with friends (yay!). In the evening, I went out dancing, and I didn’t need a “wing-woman.” I was fine and had lots of friend’s there to meet up with. I even ran into two of my CDs! : )

One danced with me and asked me for a date this week. The next danced with me also, and we chatted, but I had to leave, so I went. And then I stayed at SYG’s house, Sobo wouldn’t have to go home late at night : ) we stayed up late chatting, and then we watched a movie.

And I loved our decision-making process. We never had a disagreement at all. We just flipped through movies until we found something we both wanted to watch. And then it was like – “go team!” I liked it. That felt good : )

So then, we slept late. But I didn’t have to be anywhere in the morning. He took me to a coffe place near by, where I ran into an old friend, who just happened to be visiting town. It was such a great meeting and now I guess we’ve both met some of each other’s friends! how nice…

We didn’t have sex, though. And I wasn’t pushing for it or pulling away from it, either. It’s good, because it sounds like he would want to feel more emotionally intimate before having more physical intimacy. Which is totally cool, in my book.

It’s interesting how sex and relationship can be an ongoing negotiation. Each person is kind of almost negotiating with themselves first. And then trying to put that self-knowledge in the context of another. It’s so cool when two people can be totally cool with themselves so that it doesn’t “matter” which way it goes. I love that feeling. And I love that I feel “normal” with him. That’s a good feeling. Very comfortable and safe. I like him a lot. He’s a good guy. Good enough that I know I don’t have to force it or do anything special – of it’s going to happen, it will happen.

I feel like I want to eat pizza! teehee!

And I played it pretty cool with vman today, too. He sent me several texts in the a.m., but I didn’t respond. Then tonight, he asked me what I was up to – because he hadn’t heard from me. I just told him I was busy – which I was: sleeping! Lol

I feel it was cool and sireny, because it was “unpredictable.” I didn’t just rush to respond, like I usually do. Besides, I was spending time with a man who is nice to me. If he wantsy attention, then all he has to do is act a little but nicer!

Hooray. I love me.

I deserve the best! : )

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:40pm
883: Tereana says:

Laughing Goddess – Annie’s Mac and cheese!! So yummy!!!!!

(and I think they might have some gluten-free. Check it out!:)

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:46pm
884: Heart says:

Looking for a costume…
nobody is answering my question!
meanies…

omg….what do i want to be…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:48pm
885: Smile says:

I am determined not to work at weekends. I work hard during the week and often into the evenings after a full day. I start to feel overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I have to do. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to tap it away but that takes time, and I have got time! Arg! I WILL make time. This is important to get right. I get concerned when I have a family this work will send me under. I feel stressed just looking after me. But I love my work I don’t want to change it. I just want it to be manageable. Most of the pressure comes from me to do my job to the best I can. I feel I’m cheating if I lower my expectations of me.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:56pm
886: Janie Baby says:

Smile,
Okay Ill try that next time.
I feel sad and I feel scared.
I dont want to be alone. I feel anxious thinking about who Im gonna hang out with tomorrow. I feel anxious cause I know he won’t ever leave me. He sticks around but won’t give me fully waht I want. I feel lonely. I feel anxious. I feel sad. I was reading through letters we sent each other while I was abroad and he would write me the sweetest things about how i was his one and only first true love and soul mate, and it was true at the time. he adored me andshowed me so much love. and now, he doesn’t want to see me every day. I feel hurt knowing he can go a day or two without seeing me.

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 10:59pm
887: Heart says:

I feel so good right now.
I feel relaxed.
I feel optimistic.
I want to remember to keep Dating Myself and being open to men.
I feel zoomed out and grounded at the same time…

Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 11:17pm
888: Janie Baby says:

I feel sad late at night. I feel nice embracing my sadness listening to coldplay. I feel lonely. how do things change so fast? the one person in teh world i felt a soul mate connection to and he did to me all of sudden things change. i feel so lost and alone. i feel so sad. how do i move on? i cant let go. it’s so hard. i miss the love, i miss laughing. i feel so alone.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 12:11am
889: Silver Moonbeam says:

(((( Flowerchild)))))

You have been through the most dreadful of times, everybody’s worst nightmare. Be kind and gentle with yourself, nobody expects you to just get over something so devastating in a matter of a few short months. Take care. xxxxxx

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 12:52am
890: Heart says:

Janie – why don’t you try to make friends & find some hobbies? Your boyfriend seems normal & balanced.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 1:01am
891: Sirenity says:

Update …after I felt embarrassed by my rejection from localman online ..(he sent me a ..thanks for your contact but no thanks dismissal )..he emailed today saying Sorry , he had been “hasty”..

tee hee ..he is now proposing coffee. He is a few years older , 59, but I have decided to trade that for ANY dates as per EMK’s advice to remain open if you really want to date in your 50′s.

My other CD is 58 and I have a third still at email stage who is 51. I feel the age issue is here to trigger me and for me to loosen up a bit ..who knows a younger man may step up eventually. I am just accepting all potentials for now.

I feel fear at having to nurse an older man or to lose him to heart disease or similar..like Flowerchild. Whilst i am fearful at a potential mates mortality I know I still have things to heal about my own cancer.

Blessings and love to you Flowerchild .>

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 2:24am
892: Silver Moonbeam says:

#890 Sirenity

I hear you about being the old man’s nursemaid, which is SO NOT what I want so I understand where you are coming from.

And as for coffee date man didn’t Mel start off with a little similar blip? And look at her now!!

Be open to all possibilities………..

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 2:28am
893: Heart says:

Sirenity – sounds great.
Props to you.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 2:38am
894: Silver Moonbeam says:

On Saturday I was texting with J until 3am and we both had too much to drink. And I pushed him into meeting on Sunday, so we texted where to meet near me, but no time he said he would let me know the next morning when he had looked up train timetables.

Sunday 1.30pm still not a word and I can see he is online on this app we had been using to text so I did a very non RR thing and asked what time his train would be (oops) and he said his son had showed up with his baby and when he left he would message me the time. He sent 2 photos of son and baby but they could have been stored on the phone.

By 6.30pm I was pretty pissed off by now so I did the non RR thing again (blush icon) and said “I feel you have been burnt very recently I’m sorry I pushed you to meet so soon, perhaps I should be as cautious as you but I feel it’s best to have an open heart.” No reply so I switched off my phone, I get up this morning to a message sent late last night “I’m sorry about all this, my loved ones surprised me.”

Dilemma sirens, because of COURSE I am attracted to this man more than any other CD, that is just SO annoying when it happens!! I thought we had connected pretty well too, but maybe not.

Shall I answer with OK or is that excusing bad behaviour from the start?

Shall I answer with a “don’t want” FM?

Should I not answer and put him on the back of my horse?

I have been chatting with 2 other potential CD’s since yesterday afternoon.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 2:39am
895: Sirenity says:

Tereana I loved what you said about negotiating with yourself first before negotiating with the other about sex. This is just what I felt last week when I had the “option”. I knew i wasnt in the right place yet..I did have a good chat with myself before, during and after..

In the end I decided that i wasnt feeling it enough to put myself on the line for sex. THEN I negotiated with him ..Is N-O a negotiation?

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 2:43am
896: Sirenity says:

Yes , I think Mel did have some sort of glitch!
Its good to remember that.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 2:45am
897: Sirenity says:

SMB you have answered your own question!
Hope you have your spurs on , that horse is going places in a hurry .

I LOVE reading how you are exploring and picking yourself up on your leaning forwards and sorting out other options…CD !

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 2:49am
898: Femininewoman says:

SMB I would wait for another contact from him. To me that looks like an apology. The only response I feel you can do to that is to say thank you. Which I am not sure is really necessary. I believe waiting for more will kinda show his level of interest to continue pursuing you. Also because you are conscious you “prefer” this one you already know you have to apply some pause to yourself.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 2:49am
899: ruth says:

Morning

again, much wise advice on here

Thinking of you flowerchild

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 2:57am
900: Sirenity says:

SMB I would agree that after overfunctioning it is best to lean way back. Anything else is still over functioning.

He knows you want to meet him. You dont yet know if he is committed to meeting you. The ball is in his court.

Try putting all that energy into something you love doing.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:00am
901: Tam says:

((((Smile))))

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:02am
902: Tam says:

I miss forest siren!

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:04am
903: Silver Moonbeam says:

Great advise ladies, now for the first time in my life I am going to say nothing!! Nothing at all!! Thanks Sirenity and FW for your support.

Do you think I should message back each and every CD even those I am REALLY not attracted to? I find this so hard and usually don’t reply at all, as in “no reply *is* a reply” ie I am really not interested in you but I don’t want to tell you that and get into some big debate of why I should be. I know Rori says we should message all men except those we find repulsive, how are you older Sirens handling this as I do get contacted by men who look VERY old or unattractive despite what the profile age says.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:19am
904: Silver Moonbeam says:

BTW the app is called Whatsapp, when you put your mobile number in after downloading it comes up with your contacts who are using it. Yesterday I messaged a friend in South Africa and we texted for a while, it’s free but you have to remember to turn off the roaming on your mobile so you don’t get charged for overseas phone calls when using it with other countries.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:24am
905: Silver Moonbeam says:

Oh and you can send media files, etc. and your conversation sits there like Messenger. So far, so good.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:25am
906: Tam says:

I do think saying nothing is great advice also.
For all the feeling messages in the world, if all has been said and in my case it was apologised for any misunderstandings, I am not sure saying more would help anybody…especially not me as I’d be the one spending energy on working out what to say.
I’d rather get it out of the system by spamming here and concentrating on my work.
What will be will be.
Time to no longer live in the past.
Moving on.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:30am
907: Silver Moonbeam says:

#897 FW

“Also because you are conscious you “prefer” this one you already know you have to apply some pause to yourself.”

You are so right.

I really like this and can visualise the pause button on the TV remote or on youtubes……………….

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:30am
908: Butterfly Wings says:

Viber is another app SMB that I am talking to TH with when he’s got wifi.

You can call etc too, so I could call him and it wouldn’t cost international rates – it just uses my data.

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:34am
909: Tam says:

Actually, I think a lot of my problems come from living in the past in my head. Time to really focus on the present and to live in the moment…

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:34am
910: ruth says:

Every time I try to use feeling messages with my man, he gets really angry

Sigh

Yes tam, indeed.Sometimes it has al been said and there is no point going over old ground

I feel heavy in my heart

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:35am
911: ruth says:

I do not have a smart phone so all this app talk is going over my head

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:36am
912: Tam says:

(((((Ruth)))))
I saw such lovely photos posted of you on fb, very cute – was just thinking of your running every weekend….amazing.
Quite an amazing and driven lady.
Perhaps it takes him a while to change, I believ it is a normal reaction to get angry at first.
But it’s been a while, eh?

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:38am
913: ruth says:

I have been using feeling messages on and off since July
But not that often as the bad reactions have made me feel very afraid of his reaction

He will use the word “feel” right back at me(but not in *proper* feeling messages.Thats mirrorring I expect)
I suppose I am therefore not being consistent

Thank you for the nice comments about my pictures Tam

That feels nice

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:41am
914: Silver Moonbeam says:

Tam and Ruth

Are you on the Siren Island FB group or each other’s personal FB?

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 3:55am
915: Sirenity says:

SMB I reply to all , but if they are totally unappealing or have virtually nothing on their profile i just do the sites reply of “thanks for your contact but I am looking for someone local”. Its rarely an email approach on the site I am using but if I get one I try and keep a light conversation going . I find the really unsuited ones soon flake once they hear about my lifestyle or work or family or whatever…

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 4:05am
916: ruth says:

SMB, I am on siren island-still called Ruth there too!

Bu I am FB friends with Tam so I can stalk her pictures

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 4:12am
917: Tam says:

hmm..now I feel curious..apparently people have tried to call me and my phone is not always working, same for texts…I feel that there are other ways for them to get in touch, i e email or facebook, if they are really curious but it does make me wonder…

SMB – fb friends and siren island

Monday, 15 October 2012 @ 4:14am
918: Silver Moonbeam says:

#914 Sireni

Have The Relationship You Want