It Will Bring Him Closer If You Do It This Way…
It’s not your “negative” feelings that push a man away – it’s what you do with them.
It’s how you LIVE with them – because there are things in this world that Trigger us can make us feel sensitive and sad all the time.
And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a man away is to RESIST them.
The way to live with negative feelings that BRINGS A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them.
And that doesn’t just mean just feeling them for a moment and then moving on to something else to distract ourselves…
It means FULLY FEELING your feelings by SINKING INTO them.
How to do it? You’ll find a Tool specifically for the feelings of anger, jealousy and obsessive thoughts about a man in my Commitment Blueprint program, and in my new Modern Siren program, there’s a full set of Tools for sadness, and a way to handle that “wave” of feeling that sometimes hits us just when we wish it wouldn’t. You can look at both of the programs here: [catalog]
For now, try this:
When you’re feeling “negative,” and you’re afraid your “vibe” will push a man away – notice what you do – notice if you start TALKING (what so many of us women do when we’re uncomfortable).
Notice if you start all of a sudden getting “cheerful.”
Notice if you suddenly start trying to make things “okay” in your mind and smile.
Notice if you move TOWARD him – touch him, talk to him – in an effort to make the “bad” feelings go away.
And then stop yourself. DON’T DO what you INSTINCTIVELY want to do to feel better.
There’s a MUCH better way to feel better.
SINKING IN feels like this: It feels like you just “give up.” You just give up on trying to hold back the feeling.
Usually – when we stop holding back, all kinds of things happen – most often with results that aren’t what we wanted. It’s like a rubber band you’ve been pulling and pulling apart until it reaches maximum tension and then you let go and SNAP – it flies (and usually hits our man right in the face).
So try this: instead of “letting go” and letting fly, hang onto yourself in a simple way – don’t DO anything – just give up trying to hold it back. This way, the “rubber band” just returns to its limp, graceful shape without a reaction that creates a whole new set of issues and moments and feelings for you to deal with.
As you “go limp” and “give up” you’ll feel a whole bunch of things loosen in your body. Your shoulders will drop down, and what might have felt like an iron grip around your heart will lighten up a bit.
Now, let’s say you – like I was – are stuck in a car, or in a restaurant, or in a room with your man, and you can feel your resistance tightening in your shoulders and in your heart, and you feel like talking to relieve the pressure.
Step 1 – You notice what’s happening.
Step 2 – You do NOTHING
Step 3 – You FEEL whatever feelings you’re feeling, give up trying to hold the feelings back, and sink into them – as though those feelings are your deepest friends (they are).
Step 4 – Now you use Feeling Messages to communicate with your man, and we’ll talk about that next.
written by Rori Raye •
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1: Uschi
says:
I am not sure that is so easy to just get into your feelings and even if I do and let them go so many times I just cry when I am sad. It feels like as when I am crying there is some sort of getting it out without talking. Many times I cry when I read here – I know what I want and that is him – I also understand that these tools may help me yet I am insecure about it. Maybe because I have not yet had a chance to try them and if I do I am afraid that I screw it up – so I sit here and I am sad and I cry – because the one thing I know is that I want him back – want back what we had grow from the hard time we are going through right now where he just wants out cause I know when we get back together it’ll be good. Yet I am afraid of doing the tools guess I just don’t trust them yet.
Sunday, 6 September 2009 @ 9:04am
2: Cassandra
says:
Rori…I am really trying to kind of rewind and get back to some of the basics with regard to my feelings. I seem to have trouble with some of the visualizations in that I can see these beautiful images but I can’t see ME in them. For example in ReConnect….I try to see myself in that row boat with the wonderful, caring, loving, let’s not forget HOT (hee hee), respectful GENTLEman that is trying – key word here – TRYING to shower me with love and attention and kindness and genuiness and sincerity but I can’t see ME in there anywhere. I can’t really see him….it’s like there is someone there but I can’t picture HIM or ME….I see the body of a man but can’t see ME anywhere in this picture. Then when I realize that I am not seeing ME in this image I can feel a change in my body….tensions starts in and I can feel myself go back into my head trying to ‘find’ ME and asking why I can’t see ME in this picture. Does anyone else have this problem? How can I fix this so that I am a part of all of your wonderful visualizations? I feel like I am missing a HUGE part of the puzzle not being able to see ME in any of these images and I feel as though I am missing something……kind of like I am trying so hard to ‘connect it’ but can’t quite get there. Help?
Sending lots of love your way……
Cassandra
Monday, 14 September 2009 @ 3:16pm
3: Rori Raye
says:
Cassandra, try this. Pretend you’re an actress. Imagine yourself in the boat. Now just do the imaging as if you’re there, and follow my words….I totally get what you’re saying….we’re all different that way, and trauma effects the way we image ourselves…try not to worry…better to just “get around” it…okay? Love, Rori
Monday, 14 September 2009 @ 4:18pm
4: Cassandra
says:
Rori….thank you so much for the personal response. I appreciate that so much. I have been really trying to work on sinking into those feelings but I have been feeling as though I am really struggling with that. I feel so afraid of the ‘darker’ ones that I can feel myself physically holding that lid ON the soup. I feel so afraid that I am going to explode and of course of what would take place then. I know that I would ‘pay for that’ so I am trying so hard to keep the waters calm here until I can move but I can feel myself wanting to explore those feelings and pay them the attention that they deserve. I will try your actress suggestion. Thanks Rori.
With so much love…..
Cassandra
Wow….I tried to imagine the rowboat scenario WITH me as the actress ME in it and I was there!! Rori this helped so much ….thank you! I didn’t get as far as the wonderful man in that image because I felt so excited that I was there!! I am going to go add him into the mix and try to receive all of that love and positive attention.
Wednesday, 16 September 2009 @ 2:34pm
5: Helena
says:
Rori, this makes so much sense…thank you! But how do you do any of that – especially the part about leaning back and communicating in feeling messages – if you and your man are not physically together in the first place? For instance you are temporarily in different countries, or even in the same area but he hasn’t come by to see you for some time. Really need your advice. Thanks!
Saturday, 19 December 2009 @ 5:40am
6: Rori Raye
says:
Helena, Welcome, and you do it with your mind, your imagination, and getting on with your love life. You CANNOT be exclusive in this situation unless you’re married or engaged (I’m not even sure if I agree with this one…). You shift your “vibe” at the core level – where you’re getting your needs met, even though he’s not there. I truly believe this is something a man can pick up across “the ethers” – and across the world. Love, Rori
Sunday, 20 December 2009 @ 3:45pm
7: marya s.
says:
Dear
i have so much problem with that.Imagin i and my mann and 5 of his friends with their wives are out to eat dinner together.All menn sit beside their wives.My mann likes very much to be in sentrum but our place is in the corner and the people sitting near us are not that type talking mch.Sudenly there is one chair available in the sentrum beside some friend of him who talk more.
At first my mann said it is boring sit here,better to sit in sentrum but there is just one chair.I said nothing just jeh,..Some minuttes later he just moved and sat there and the woman beside him just said yes sit there .I sat alone and felt how respectless he is.I became angry.I went to toilett and talked with myself and felt how bad it was.When i came back my mann tried to say funy jokes to make me laugh,but he still sat there lang away from me and i in the corner of table.
I did not like that.So i said i am so sorry,i am tired and want to go home.i looked at him.He bacame angry,moved and came to me and sat beside me.He said i was so rude not to respect him,not to respect his freinds because these menn wanted to have meal just alone but he had toled them it is good to have wives with them.He changed hole the case in a way so i had to say sorry so much to make so bad things for you that you did not felt respected,….
everytime i try feeling massagese,as i tried here after that he came to me .I toled him ,i did not like to sit alone here but you in the sentrum.I knew later with alkohol and everything he and his friends would become to make such noise and i would be outside of party because he make so much noise around himself.
He became so angry,toled me we forget this ,this time but you have no respect for anybody.It seems that everybody was there for me and my feeling was so bad that he really mislike my feelings.
It is evrytimes like hat.I am afraid of telling him what i feel.sometimes so afraid of feeling because it brings so much negative excitement in our relation and when i can not say what i feel,i feel myself alone and distant,..
How would you react here?
Monday, 15 February 2010 @ 1:19pm