How Carrie Got “Big” and You Can Get the Man of Your Dreams, Too
If you’ve seen the Sex and the City movie, you likely have strong opinions about it – I wasn’t transported by the film, but I thought the way all the characters have transformed over the last season, and now in the movie was remarkable for us to work with.
Where Carrie was once “prickly,” cigarette in hand – almost hard and brittle in the way she related to all the men in her life, now she’s totally “soft” – in a very lovely way. This “softening started to happen in the last season (we’ll talk about how she handled all these men in different posts).
So here’s “Carrie’s Tools,” in honor of her:
- Stand perfectly still
- Breathe
- Look your man in the eye
- Lean your body back (put one foot in front of the other so you don’t fall over)
- Trust yourself – that no matter what happens, what he says or does, you’ll be alright, and that you’re better off always telling the truth than hiding ANYTHING.
- Smile
- Let your eyes go fuzzy, so you can go INSIDE yourself
- Open your mouth and let a sound come out – “Ahhhh,” or “Ohhhh”
- Be very aware of what you’re focusing on – ask yourself – am I thinking about me and what I’m doing? Or am I listening to him – over where he is, and just experiencing? Your goal is to totally Stop Thinking, so as soon as you become aware you’re thinking about you and what you’re saying next or what the things he’s saying are bringing up in you, and then sort of bounce the ball of your attention over to where HE’S at – you’ll be AUTOMATICALLY experiencing.
You can really see how this was working for Carrie in the first part of the movie, where they set up Carrie and Big’s relationship. Instead of always wondering and worrying how Big was going to behave and how it was all going to turn out – or getting angry and feeling resentful all the time, she’s completely RELAXED around him. She’s no longer sarcastic, no longer holding him at arm’s length, no longer following him around. She radiates confidence and ease.
We’ll break down the specifics of every step on how to do this every day in these posts, and for now, just try my “Tools for Carrie” (and refer here to my “Rori”s Rules” post – it’s the bottom line of “Rules”).
It took Carrie 6 Seasons and a Sex In The City movie to get it right, but with Carrie’s 9 Rules, you get it right in 6 Minutes. Try this on the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker, the man next door, the man at the dry cleaners or the man you love. So, next time ANY man looks at you, speaks to you, or moves toward you, I want you to follow Carrie’s Rules to the letter, and let me know what happens.
Love,
Rori
written by Rori Raye • Permalink • Leave a Comment »
Linda Butler says:
I love this… carries rules.. I have always admired the way she opened up and told the truth to Big.. and hardly
made a sceen… other than when he told her he was getting married ! or moving to France…
Tuesday, 16 September 2008 @ 9:43am
Sarah says:
Hi Rori,
Just one question how do I practice the tools, I mean it’s a silly question but I just can’t get started! I have read a lot of your stuff and I’m just sitting and reading passively, I have also started to do some of them but I just cant get the hang of it, I keep forgetting! Im sorry I am only a beginner, but can you suggest something? Or maybe I have answered my own question….
Friday, 7 November 2008 @ 8:44am
Rori Raye says:
Sarah - you need my programs to get walked through this. Start at least with the eBook. The Tools are to DO. You can work with the Tools here in Power & Self-Esteem - follow the directions and read all the comments and do the writing -
The ebook, Have The Relationship You Want, is a Workbook. You write in it answer the questions, write out Feeling Messages - it walks you through.
Let me know - you’ll catch on! Love, Rori
Friday, 7 November 2008 @ 7:41pm
Linda G says:
Dear Rori;
I am loving all the ways I am changing my vibe according to your tools and rules. I do have to admit though, it’s easier to do them with men whom we don’t care as much about. I have been circular dating and having a blast, seeing how doing all these things is so efective. But when I find I am with a man I could really like, I find it hard to lean back and do the tools and begin to panic almost, realizing I am going back to overfunctioning and leaning forward and can’t help it. Any advice on what to do when I am in a conversation, on a date and find I am losing my sirenese?
Saturday, 6 December 2008 @ 9:57pm
Robbie Lynn says:
I have been reading your material on your website for the past few days and am anxiously awaiting the materials that I have ordered. As I read I find myself becoming excited - excited because I desperately need change in my life and relationship. I lack self esteem and confidence. Only three days ago the man that I have been dating for the past two years looked at me and said (in not such a nice way) “why are you so insecure?” I was mad and hurt but I also knew that he was right. I find myself feeling needy. Then I become upset when I focus all of my engery into our relationship struggles and then feel defeted and frustrated in the end . It sounds easy when someone says just focus on YOU, but I have not be able to figure out how to do so which leaves me even more frustrated. How can this be acomplished?
Sincerely, Robbie Lynn
Thursday, 5 February 2009 @ 2:50pm
V says:
Dear Rori,
I’ve been off and on dating the same man for 13 years, we’ve known each other 15. For most of those years we’ve lived an hour apart and maintained a sexual relationship. I do not and never have called this man, yet he continues to call every week. I love this man and I want more than what we currently have, but Rori, how do I get from here to THERE?????
Wednesday, 16 September 2009 @ 10:17am
Rori Raye says:
Oh, my goodness, V - what are you DOING!!! After 15 years, why don’t you ASK him? Where are we? How do you see us? Do you see us every living together? And if all he wants is this continued “friends with benefits” - I hope you’re dating other men!!!! You can continue to see him, but please, Circular Date. Love, Rori
Thursday, 17 September 2009 @ 10:04pm
V says:
Dear Rori,
I’ve made the decision that there will be no more sex between me and my “Mr. Big” from the city. Can you PLEASE give me the script of how I need to tell him???? Simply saying, “No sex tonight, Honey.” without further explaination I don’t think covers it. It also would come as a huge surprise to him. Please give me the graces I need to handle this with class, Rori.
Yes, I’ve had many dating disasters but continued to date anyway. Each time he can’t reach me and discovered I’m not waiting by the phone, he steps it up, more calls, more dinners, more dates, etc. I want long-term with this man and I’m willing to do what it takes to make this happen. I’m now at the point I’m willing to do something I’ve never done to get something I’ve never had. I sooo appreciate your help. Thank you!
Friday, 18 September 2009 @ 9:12am
Rori Raye says:
V — share with us the feelings and “why” of this decision…and we’ll fashion it into a “speech” for you. In fact…you may already have this ready! Love, Rori
Friday, 18 September 2009 @ 10:47am
V says:
Dear Rori,
Here goes: I don’t want to have sex because I don’t feel like I matter. I need to matter. I don’t feel loved or respected by him, or that he takes me serious. After 15 years of knowing me, I feel like he should know me well enough to know whether he wants me as part of his life or not. I don’t want bits & pieces of his time, I deserve more than that. I told him a year ago that I needed more. I’ve never met his family and only a couple of friends through the years.
Rori, I take full responsibility for where all this has gone. At the time we met, I had Cancer and was sick. So, not knowing whether I’d survive it, I truly didn’t care whether he stuck around or not, because I didn’t know if I would be “sticking around” or not. As a result, the future has never been discussed, ever. I’ve never let him see me really sick from the treatments, and I did not tell him the extent until I got a complete bill of good health a month ago. We agreed years back that because I had 5 young childen I’d not bring him around them or introduce them until we knew if we had a relationship. They’re all adults with lives of their own and he’s only met a couple of them by accident.
When I disclosed the full extent of being sick, last month, he was shocked. He said he always knew something was terribly wrong but thought I’d tell him about it. I couldn’t because it made me feel like a failure to be less than my best and be sick. For God’s sake, I lost my career due to the disease. I couldn’t let those closest to me know how bad it was, and that’s why I moved an hour away. So I could either die or heal. Thanks Rori for you help.
Saturday, 19 September 2009 @ 9:59am