How do you go first to deepen intimacy when you’re working with the experience of sex? (This is Part 3 of the 3-Part Sex and Intimacy Series – Here’s Part 1->)
Without initiating? Without doing ANYTHING?
You open up, baby step by baby step – and see what he does.
Even if he does NOTHING – you watch.
You smile. You melt. You are warm. You unzip your heart. You open.
If he can hold the space, if he can open up and then give to you, facilitate your opening up even more – then you’ve got a winner here.
And…then ON to more baby-steps!
If he continually moves backward – you are forced to step backward.
You are forced to step back and see what he does.
And here’s the trick – if you can step back but NOT close down…just stay open and see what happens…you will get more out of each baby-step.
You will slowly discover the abilities of the man you’re with – and if he just can’t do it – you will grow bored. Yes, you will. Sex will stop it’s wonderfulness.
If he slowly increases his ability to hold a space for intimacy, to lean forward towards you when you’re open instead of stepping back…then you’ll feel more excited and more LOVE for him. If a man is intensely always leaning toward you – it will scare you – and you’ll have to share that with him so he can facilitate you better.
All this is to open up the possibility for you that sex isn’t about what you think it’s about.
Sex is not an end, and it’s not a means to a relationship goal with a man. It’s an experience of the moment that can be meaningful and powerful and profound and passionate or juicy or fun – depending on how YOU feel about it in that moment.
And if you see it as a possibility for ALL of this…then you can baby-step your way into your ABILITY to do intimacy THROUGH sex.
So – again – the goal is not the result, but the experience.
No matter what a man says – it’s the same for him.
Let me know how this bends your mind!