To Every Woman Who Has Loved A Man Who “Could Not Get It Up”…

I just got this from Charu at www.EmbodyTantra.com (you may know her as one of my Monthly Interviews With Relationship Experts) – I love this woman and her work, and I was floored by this article. Charu graciously gave me permission to reprint it here for you:

by Charu

Recently I had a conversation with a beautiful client of mine. She is a very powerful, conscious woman who is devoted to her spiritual path and is now in a rich and powerful partnership with a man she loves. Everything in their relationship is rich and in alignment. Their visions, intentions, goals, work, priorities – only thing off is the sex.

It is really challenging both of them because they are so much in love.

Thing is, although this has never been a challenge for him before, he can’t get or maintain an erection when they are together. This is bringing up tension and anxiety for both of them and making it difficult for them to surrender more deeply into the love they feel for one another.

I had some great news for her; while this is a challenge and it can take an investment of time and energy to move through something like this, it is definitely possible to break through into new territory.

That ‘new territory’ does not mean that this man will simply have to ‘deal with his issue’ and then they will have great sex finally with his rock-hard erection. New territory means that this is a powerful opportunity. Perhaps BECAUSE they have such a genuine connection, perhaps BECAUSE they are both so intuitive and devoted to their spiritual path this challenge is inviting them to look at sides of themselves that the rest of their spiritual journey has not yet touched.

Important parts of themselves, parts that when they clear will not only open the gateway for them to have a great sex-life, but will also open the door for all of the work they have already done to come into full manifestation on this earth. When the lower chakras are not alive, open, accepted, included then there is a very real limitation of our potential for awakening. As we are HUMAN- beings our humanity is necessarily part of our process of awakening.

I guided her to do something very powerful. To bring her awareness back to HERSELF and take the attention away from the ‘problem that he has’.

How?

1. I encouraged her to experiment with soft penetration ~ this is where they would still have intercourse, only with his penis soft. Click here to read an article I wrote on this or check out the book: Tantric Orgasm for Women by Diana Richardson which talks about this in great detail.

This technique takes the pressure off immediately that says ‘he has to be hard’ and allows two lovers to connect intimately in a new world without goals, where they can allow the bodies to connect and re-sensitize to one another. Experiencing and enjoying all levels of tumescence is a great blessing that we do not honor at all in our culture. Great openings can happen even with a flaccid penis.

*IMPORTANT NOTE: In a circumstance like this when we enter into soft-penetration it can be difficult because our thoughts of ‘why isn’t he getting hard?’, ‘what is wrong with him?’, ‘isn’t he attracted to me?’, ‘why have I found the perfect man, but we can’t connect this way?’, ‘will I ever have great sex again’, ‘I just want to have mind-blowing lovemaking that matches the depth of our connection- am I with the right person after all?’

This is where step 2 comes in-

2. Both partners can practice this, but I will orient to the woman partner (since the conversation I had happened to be with my woman client); when you notice the thoughts running through your head about all that is ‘wrong’ with the situation/moment, bring yourself back to sensation. This is your teaching, this is your ‘Guru’- anxiety coming up in your body (or whatever emotion/feeling is there) is NORMAL and it is coming up to be cleared. If you were with the ‘perfect’ lover you would not have to sit with this and it is a clearing and awakening for the new depths you will experience together.

3. Rather than dwelling in the thoughts, notice where you feel this emotion in your body. For example; ‘I have an intense stomach cramp and my shoulders are tight, I feel like I am not breathing as deeply, the pain in my stomach feels like a black bubble’- if you feel comfortable voice this out loud to your partner (without the story about why you feel this way, that’s not what this moment is about).

4. Allow your partner to see you and hold you in this. In this moment he can be empowered to hold a strong space for you, rather than feeling dis-empowered that his body is not working the way he wants it to be (once again this exercise can be practiced by BOTH parties).

5. Give yourself over to whatever is the strongest feeling in your body, for example: the ‘black bubble’ in your stomach. Magnify the sensation rather than trying to make it better, feel it getting bigger and more intense in your body- this may feel counter-intuitive, but staying with it will support a powerful clearing.

As you stay with the intensity in your body you may feel vulnerable, frightened, you may cry or scream. This is all perfect. The body is going through the process it needs to in order to release parts of you that have ‘hardened’ and are not allowing energy to flow.

Because of these responses in the body it is a good idea to let you partner know that you are going to be trying this exercise before you begin the process and what might happen so they won’t be alarmed. Invite them to participate with you by feeling free to express what they are feeling in their body and let them know that this is not about making you ‘feel better’- it’s about a creative process of allowing the clearing to happen.

This process is a powerful first step and can be used in many different ways and for many different reasons within a partnership. Because this is the first step it is NOT about having an erection or trying to get an erection at all. It is about allowing yourselves to be truly ‘naked’ and supporting one another in this space of vulnerability.

Sharing this will not only begin to allow the bodies to re-sensitize and ultimately bring life and energy into areas where it is not yet flowing, but it also begins to create a space for you to discover your authentic sexuality. Relating to one another and connecting in an entirely new way, one that is far richer than what we have dared to imagine.

From Rori: Charu does these amazing evenings in Los Angeles, she coaches by phone, and you can watch her videos and get more of her free info on her blog at http://www.embodytantra.com–>>

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

920 Comments to “To Every Woman Who Has Loved A Man Who “Could Not Get It Up”…”

1: Femininewoman says:

Ha

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 7:37am
2: Silver Moonbeam says:

Ha, chance would be a fine thing!!!!!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 7:42am
3: Femininewoman says:

Love you Charu

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 7:45am
4: Starla says:

Alaska is texting me that he wants to make up for “chastizing” me and it won’t happen again. He said he was just scared for me. I told him when he was saying I deserve it and he does the same thing to pedestrians, it didn’t feel like he was just scared for me.

Sigh. The universe sent me this to stand up for my feelings and to keep my heart open. It’s a tricky balance but I shall master it:)

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:45am
5: Starla says:

aaaaaand whaddya know, Dominique just sent out an article with the title “how to feel a bad feeling feeling AND keep your heart open”

lol, universe
((((((((((universe))))))))))))

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:50am
6: Jessie1000 says:

starla…how do I get dominiques letters?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:25am
7: Ella says:

Urgh having a slightly challenging day… after feeling so good this morning and feeling pleased to think I was finally getting on top of my finances, I realised I mis calculated and missed out a payment for £160, which is really important, so now I have to find the money and I don’t have it… but I can juggle and use some money I had put aside for something else… and it just means I am all behind again!

GRRRRRRRRRR.

Who knew that getting out of debt is such a mission.

I don’t even really spend much money anymore… I don’t really do anything much except work at the moment.

I don’t drink, and I very rarely buy new clothes… but it is just all the debts I am paying off from before that are such a struggle.

I do not ever, ever, ever want to be in debt again… and I would be very, very wary of ever taking stuff on credit again.

You never know when your circumstances will change.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:27am
8: Ella says:

Also, MWC just ISN’T getting that I really do need advance notice for dates.

After that big fuss about Sun!

When I didn’t go to his because he asked me last minute, and then he was upset, and he has said several times that he is aware that I prefer advance notice for dates and seeing each other and yet he has not booked me!!!!!!!!!!

I saw him at work today and all is good… but he hasn’t asked me about tonight or tomorrow evening…

Usually we would see each other at least one of those nights.

Maybe he is not planning to ask for some reason but I bet he will ask me last minute again.

I am seeing him on Saturday for my friend’s wedding so that is definitely booked. But I had hoped we would spend Friday night together and then get ready together on Sat am.

I am just adjusting my expectations now… and in my head making it ok if this isn’t what happens…

So seeing him tonight is out for me because it is last minute again… if he does ask.

If he asks tonight about tomorrow that MIGHT be ok…

But if he doesn’t ask about tomorrow until tomorrow… then tomorrow evening is out too.

Lol.. this all feels kinda silly.

And it is me attempting to look after my boundary.

I just don’t feel good scrabbling around last minue to see him when it has not been pre planned.

That’s ok though… I have PLENTY to be keeping me busy and entertained so not to worry.

I suppose he’ll get the advance notice thing eventually?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:32am
9: Ella says:

And, I had another slight run in with the other Chef today.

Which involved him speaking to me sharply… and me saying softly, whilst leaning back and holding eye contact ‘I don’t like being spoken to that way, it feels bad’

He said he was only joking and I expect he probably was… I have heard him speak to others that way and they just kinda give it back or laugh it off…

But, to me it feels icky.

I don’t want it.

After that he was kinda stand-offish, wary of me…

And I feel sad that it has to be this way… but, the truth is I really don’t want to be spoken to like that.

I don’t find it funny.

It doesn’t feel funny.

Sure I am probably extra sensitive about it but so what.

Its sort of like what AG was talking about on the last thread… about playing around in negative energy, and to me it just doesn’t feel any good, even in jest, in this situation.

And also like what Lilibee was saying, about how you can buy your place in the group by going along with it, but, that feels superficial to me.

I plan to remain open to him though…

I am sure he doesn’t mean to cause me any discomfort or badness.

And if we ever get the chance to talk properly I will tell him that I am probably feeling extra sensitive about the way I am spoken to, and that I still feel a little bit wary around him since words were had in the past. And that I just feel tense about it, but that that kind of joking just doesn’t feel good to me.

And it just feels a shame sometimes, and I feel kinda stiff by not just going along with it… but also today I kinda felt strong too… in saying that, in standing up for myself.

And I would rather be true to myself, than change who I am in order to be accepted into a group…

Plus mostly I am having quite a good time at work now.

I feel stronger.

So that is ok really.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:41am
10: Jilly says:

Wow…there have been a few times in the last couple of years where the men I dated couldn’t get it up and I couldn’t understand it…this article felt great to read.

Luckily with Rugby Man this is a non-issue…but if it were to ever happen…I have this to fall back on

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:55am
11: Francesca says:

Jessie,

You’ll find Dominique’s blogs here:

http://sexandheart.com/

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:00am
12: ReceivingGirl says:

Previous thread @311 Tiffany

Thank you. I’m still waiting for my doctor to call me, but it seems like that’s what he will say.

I’d say Mr. Observant really likes me. I still am cautious though because he’s going through a divorce and I don’t want to be his transition girl. Maybe I’m not, maybe he’s really just ready to move on. My NVs are talking a little and thinking maybe his excitement has to do with being on the rebound I hope not. I really do think he just really likes me. He’s so cute and enthusiastic!

We are going out on Sunday. Don’t have exact details yet, but he said we would talk when it got closer. He also listens, remembers and repeats what I have told him about things. So, I know he’s paying attention!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:21am
13: Starla says:

I feel a little freaked out… I didn’t answer Alaska’s last text (busy at work) and so he emailed me like a page long apology about how nauseated and like dirt he feels over what happened, and asking if there’s anything at all he can do to make it up to me.

i never said i was upset like THAT. i feel unseen and freaked out and like he is being very very dramatic and i don’t want this.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:32am
14: Starla says:

the subject line is “tail between my legs”

something feels off here. this is a disproportionate apology and i certainly never indicated that he needed to make it up to me or put himself in the dog house. a basic apology (preferably in person, not several text messages and a long ass email) would have sufficed.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:34am
15: Starla says:

what feels so yucky is i don’t feel seen or honored at all. i feel like this is all about HIM feeling better and not being in trouble. something feels deeply off and unhealthy here.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:36am
16: Slippin' Goddess says:

Need to write on the blog before I go MENTAL!!! ..haha..
ohhh pish.. what a day..

Ok, so the last time I was on here a good few weeks ago now.. Myself and my boyfriend were really low.. we made up and had a proper talk and after that things were FANTASTIC.. he even commented on “how good I’d been” haha an I was really into the feeling message and I wasnt gettin worked up over things and moody..

Well.. It comes to the weekend and hes been pretty busy so I havnt been seeing him much at the weekend.. (He works all week) and its been causing a bit of tension.
He has his little girl and I really get on with her and we usually all do things together but lately we havnt and Ive been feeling a little left out.. (sounds immature I know.. ..but I cant help it) ..we were supposed to be doing something sunday after he finished work at least and then his little girls mum phoned saying she needed him to have her so he cancelled with me..

Well this weekend he doesnt have her and its the first time in agggges that we will be able to spend it together.. He said yesterday that it was just me and him this weekend and we’d do something as we havnt had a day togther in a while.. Its become like a nighttime relationship where he just falls to sleep..

Then.. I go on facebook today and hes asking one of his friends what is he up to weekend and does he want to do something..

:/ Am I just mental to feel a bit hurt by that.. seen as we were supposed to be doing something..

I sent him a text and he replied back saying it probably wont happen with his friend anyway and he obv has to watch what he says to people and hes sick of me always nagging and winging!

..I just feel let down and hurt.. and he makes out im a mad woman if I have a problem with anything..

ohhhh….

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:43am
17: Slippin' Goddess says:

please help before I text him more hurt, you dont care type messages…

his latest reply was

OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE NOWWWW!!!

…Im feelin like a mad woman

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:48am
18: ReceivingGirl says:

Previous thread @332

Francesca – thank you!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:52am
19: Starla says:

Slippin, maybe text him, “ack, i feel eager to spend time with you, but i don’t want to go down old paths either. sorry if it seems like i’m nagging u, i don’t want that. is there something we could do that works for both of us for weekend plans this weekend?”

then lean back and relax.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:52am
20: ReceivingGirl says:

Slippin’ Goddess

It sounds like he needs some space. I would just back off, not respond, go about your business and wouldn’t even plan on the weekend. It sounds like he feels he can’t do anything right.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:03am
21: ReceivingGirl says:

I wish my doctor would return my call. I hate waiting for things like this.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:06am
22: Femininewoman says:

Slippin Goddess I agree with RG but might say “I just feel anxious to spend time with you”

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:07am
23: Slippin' Goddess says:

I just feel so upset lately…

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:10am
24: Femininewoman says:

Slippin Goddess on another note you are putting out there that your happiness this weekend is dependent on him. I understand however he is entitled to ask his friend about plans or even choose to spend time outside of you. His words suggest that he is expressing the relationship now as work rather than fun so it might be important that you relax your grip a bit.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:11am
25: Femininewoman says:

I would encourage you to pour out the upset here rather than on him.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:12am
26: Slippin' Goddess says:

I know, of course he is entitled to that.. ..but he said last weekend hes sick of letting me down

..to say this weekend its just me and him and then i see on facebook hes planning other things I cant help but feel angry and upset..

Ive prob done so much damage this week in texts..

I know I shouldnt be so hung up on him but I love to spend time with him..

what do I say.. I would send a nice message but I stuill feel angry

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:16am
27: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Dominique

“What I suggest is to first just be aware of whatever negative feeling is arising for you. Allow it. Feel it deeply. Yet I want you to keep an energetic eye and hand on the love in your heart at the same time. If you feel the bad feeling feelings overtaking you, flooding you, you can place your real, physical hand right on your chest, over your heart. Then close your eyes, and breathe into that place. Your hands work as in the power of suggestion. They help to awaken, activate, and open a channel for your love to flow through again. They help to allow you to feel into your heart, deep into your heart where love always resides.

You may find yourself popping back into only feeling aware of the negative feelings again, and this is fine. You are learning new ways, rewiring old programming. Keep doing this, again, and again and again and again. Keep lavishing your love all over the pain and hurt. Pour it generously everywhere and not just in your heart. Your entire body is affected by bad feeling feelings, so allow it access all over.

How does this feel?

This can become your new habit, your new go to place when the bad feeling stuff comes to visit.”

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:21am
28: Mel says:

Ella,

Reading your post, I thought I could maybe share some impressions I had. Feel free to disregard, k?

So what I feel curious about is whether you are declining his last-minute invitations because you really ARE busy or really DON’T feel like getting together… or just on principle?

I wonder maybe if when we are exclusive with someone, perhaps the “advance” invites don’t matter as much?

Mr A has told me many times that I am always welcome, but knows that I love to be asked because it makes me feel like my company is requested and I feel respected and special.

So every day, without fail, he asks me “Will you come over?” or “Will you have dinner with me?’ or “Can I see you this evening?”

And these requests are technically last-minute, but most days I accept, because I like to spend lots of time with him.

Usually he only “books me” ahead for more special events like parties or excursions and such.

I never wait around for him to ask me; and when he does ask, even if it’s last-minute, I feel like I can always decline if I don’t feel up for it or have something else on the go… but usually I say yes.

I feel like maybe in an exclusive relationship, spontaneity might be a good thing?

Just my two cents…

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:22am
29: Femininewoman says:

Does it actually say he is planning other things?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:22am
30: Slippin' Goddess says:

yes, he says to his friend what are you doing weekend? you fancy meetin up we could go for something to eat..

his argument with me is.. he wont be out the whole day..

and of course I can understand that.. its just this one, one day that we’ll av to spend together in ages.. after arguing about not doing anything recently..

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:27am
31: Femininewoman says:

Slippin maybe you should get him to clarify what “just me and him” looks like to him for the weekend? If you want more than a night time relationship or you feel taken for granted then maybe addressing that might be better rather than telling him how he feels or what he cares about. I believe he already know those things.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:27am
32: Femininewoman says:

Slippin I feel a little confused the weekend is two days.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:28am
33: Mel says:

I’ve been stressed, working hard. I told Mr A that I feel heavy, but I long to feel light and airy and more like his butterfly. I feel weary and delicate and like I need a loving spot to land and rest my wings.

He said “I would be happy to carry you on my finger and help you to feel all light and loved. What would you like for dinner?”

Awwww, sweet man…..

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:29am
34: Femininewoman says:

Mel I have a smile on my face. I want to ask you if these speeches come naturally to you?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:32am
35: Slippin' Goddess says:

oh im sorry.. hes working overtime sunday but not til late..

the weathers fab aswell.., just be nice to spend a DAY you know..

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:37am
36: Slippin' Goddess says:

I just feel taken for granted, like I’m some night time relationship lately..
So when you said it was just me and you doing something this weekend that felt good.. Then I read you askin …. to do something Saturday day.. I just dont know where I stand..
You’re entitled to do what you want babe, I guess I ve just been feeling a bit left out on your days off recently, thats all..

Ok to send.. or can you adapt ? xx

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:40am
37: Francesca says:

Wow, Mel, some lovely FMS there!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:42am
38: Femininewoman says:

So maybe express your dissapoint you felt when you realized you would not have the whole day with him. Maybe “I feel silly saying this but my heart felt all happy and excited looking forward to the weekend. Then I felt disappointed when things changed. I feel vulnerable sharing this but I feel like crying because I feel uncertain about how to express myself without coming across demanding”.

Maybe you want to play with a script that reflects your real feelings.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:44am
39: Femininewoman says:

I most definitely would not put in “I don’t know where I stand”. That is giving him too much power.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:46am
40: Mel says:

FW… thanks, you’re sweet!

A while back I told him that I feel like a beautiful little butterfly that he carries around on his fingertip, feeding me sweet things, cupping his hand over me to protect me from the rain or wind, smiling at me as I flutter about doing my thing. Ever since he’s called me his little butterfly.

Images mean a lot to me… so I tend to be very visual or metaphorical in my speech. I find this is also the best way for me to tell my feelings (by creating a visual story)… ie. the circus mice etc.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:46am
41: Femininewoman says:

Take out the yous SG

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:47am
42: Femininewoman says:

Slippin Goddess I am wondering if you could use Mel’s images and suggest something like you a feeling like a trapped rat. Trapped between wanting to spend time with him and not wanting to share him this weekend.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:50am
43: Starla says:

Oh Mel, I feel soooooo jealous (and very happy for you, because you deserve it<3)

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:51am
44: Mel says:

Slippin’

Maybe something like…

Awww… I don’t want to be all demanding and know how much fun and friends are important to you…

But I’m just a girl and I’ve been missing you and looking forward to spending the weekend with you, and the thought of that made me feel all giddy and excited and curious.

And then I saw that you were making some other plans… and I felt so crushed and I felt my smile go all frowny and tense and I felt so disappointed.

And I feel a little guilty at the same time, because I don’t want to keep you from your friends, or from doing things you love.

What do you think?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:56am
45: Slippin' Goddess says:

I’ve tried it.. why does it feel so scary to be so vulnerable..

I feel like it gives him the power and he’ll think hes ‘got me’

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:09pm
46: ReceivingGirl says:

Doctor’s office called, but not the doctor. I hate it when they do that. She told me to take 1,000 IU Vit. D daily and to increase my medicine. Didn’t act concerned at all. Ugh

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:15pm
47: Femininewoman says:

I am trying to rearrange it to I feel, I don’t want what do you think.

Awww… I’m just a girl and I’ve been missing you and looking forward to spending the weekend with you, and the thought of that made me feel all giddy and excited and curious. I saw that you were making some other plans… and I felt so crushed and I felt my smile go all frowny and tense and I felt so disappointed. I don’t want to be all demanding and know how much fun and friends mean to you.

And I feel a little guilty at the same time, because I don’t want to keep you from your friends, or from doing things you love.

What do you think?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:15pm
48: ReceivingGirl says:

Oh and my mom told me it’s because I started eating all that healthy crap and I should stop.

She is just ridiculous.

I said, you can’t tell me vegetables are bad for me.

She said, no all the other stuff.

The other stuff is rice cakes, greek yogurt, coconut & almond milk, fruits, and quinoa. Otherwise, it’s the same stuff.

But, her potato chips and Pepsi’s are just fine
I don’t know what she thinks I eat.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:19pm
49: Slippin' Goddess says:

….what if he doesnt reply.. Ill feel so stupid like haha

I know we shouldnt ‘expect’

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:19pm
50: ReceivingGirl says:

@47 I like this.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:20pm
51: Femininewoman says:

Let go of what he is thinking or might reply. You are focussing in sharing your feelings rather than going defensive or on the offense. Maybe a new pattern so he can experience you as different?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:22pm
52: Slippin' Goddess says:

You’re right, thank you so much..

I feel I need to pop back here every once in a while to stop me from having a total meltdown and to focus again..

Pity it always seems to be when things are bad!

xx

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:25pm
53: Femininewoman says:

When someone promises I believe it is normal to expect.

Mel I am saving these feeling messages. You are such a poetic artiste at this.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:29pm
54: ReceivingGirl says:

I called back and left a message for the doctor to call me.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:30pm
55: Radlove says:

Ella,

9 – “… and me saying softly, whilst leaning back and holding eye contact ‘I don’t like being spoken to that way, it feels bad’”

Good job!! Guess what? He will think twice before he speaks sharply to you again! I feel so fortunate to be blessed with these communication skills that serve us on all our relationships!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:38pm
56: Radlove says:

Go Rori! Let’s talk about sexxx!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:40pm
57: siren song says:

FW,

so i asked guy who loves me today what he sees in our future. he just said he wants ‘exactly what i want’. then he said ‘you don’t know how to take what you want. you had me and didn’t take me.’ this is something he’s said before. he’s hinting that i don’t do enough in the relationship: don’t ask him out, don’t cook dinner for him (when i do these things he resists…it’s a catch 22).

then he told me to ‘leave him alone’ and ‘go find my future husband and father of my kids’. and then told me to “f%^* off”.

yikes.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:40pm
58: boasgirl says:

Slippin’Goddess,

whatever you say or don’t say to him – be kind to yourself, and do things that make you feel better …or less terrible …

i know how hard it can be. Do you have a list of things to do that make you feel good?

focus on making yourself happy -

say nice things to yourself, be compassionate with yourself, embrace your feelings

also, if you have the modern siren program, that could help – there are so many good exercises for situations like that there -

wishing you all the best,

boasgirl

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:42pm
59: siren song says:

he also told me that he stays home to avoid seeing me around the neighbourhood and feels sick when he sees me. then he started crying.

i feel…helpless and really sad and disappointed.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:43pm
60: Starla says:

siren song, i would tell him pronto that you don’t want to be talked to like that. that if he wants what you want, that he had better stop with the emotional outbursts and telling you to ‘fuck off.’ and then i’d do the walk away. you can understand his feelings and not put up with any abusive speech at the same time.

maybe i’m just triggered but i am NOT okay with being talked to like this. i used to talk to people like this and i feel ashamed:(

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:47pm
61: Starla says:

woops, went into moderation

siren song, i would tell him pronto that you don’t want to be talked to like that. that if he wants what you want, that he had better stop with the emotional outbursts and telling you to ‘f*ck off.’ and then i’d do the walk away. you can understand his feelings and not put up with any abusive speech at the same time.

maybe i’m just triggered but i am NOT okay with being talked to like this. i used to talk to people like this and i feel ashamed:(

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:48pm
62: Dominique says:

I miss you all and feel badly I’ve been a bit absent lately. A bit of craziness is afoot which will hopefully settle in the next two weeks or so.

Jessie, you can find my articles at sexandheart.com, and if you download the free e-book, you will receive my weekly articles automatically.

Thank you Femininewoman for reposting some of the latest one.

Sending love.

xxoo

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:50pm
63: Slippin' Goddess says:

#58 Thank you Boasgirl..

I used to be so happy being single.. Now I can’t imagine him not in my life.. bless him..

I still am happy most the time but the low points can seem so low..

Its hard I guess because we live over an hour away from each other.. I think that things like him seeing his friends for dinner wouldnt be a problem if we lived closer as things wouldn’t have to be ‘planned’ with us as such..
Eg. him coming here for the weekend or me going there.. we could be more relaxed in popping round when we like..

Its funny.. he spent a couple of weeks staying at mine.. (however just after work at nights when he’d fall asleep, his days off he’d go to spend with his daughter)
and then this week hes back at home and I havnt seen him and we’ve just been communicating through texts.. it all seems to go wrong through texts..

its silly.. we’re fine when we are together..

strange ..maybe I have some detachment thing going on haha xx

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:51pm
64: Dominique says:

RecievingGirl – Sending feel better energy, clear skin, and hair.

xxoo

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:53pm
65: siren song says:

yeah, this was my problem when he was main guy. when he gets angry he really lets it fly.

i told him it feels awful. it doesn’t really help. i said ‘i understand that you are angry’ but that ‘i feel tired of being yelled at.’

he literally just texted me and told me that ‘i’m awful’ and have ‘set out to hurt him’. also that i must be hooking up with lots of guys because i’m going out on weekends a lot. ‘have FUN hooking up with people. there is a line of guys lined up for you. you’ve told me so for over a year. i am a worried, insecure low self-esteem mess.’

that’s when i started trying to CD, a year ago.

well, i feel better about being apart from him after that.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 12:58pm
66: Radlove says:

Slippin’ Goddess,

16 – “When in doubt, leave it out.”

For me, when I get close to a man, I get in an increasing emotional state, losing my objectivity; losing my logic. I have felt sad and disappointed with myself many times when I start freaking out about every little thing with a man. In fact, this syndrome is largely what has gotten me in trouble with R almost every time.

Rori says it is “intensity”, and intensity is not attractive to a man. The best thing I am going to try to remember next time around is at those moments when I am feeling hyper-sensitive around my man, to BACK OFF by going silent.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:02pm
67: Starla says:

“angry cd, i’m sorry you feel so bad right now, that’s not what i want for you at all because i care for you, and i just can’t be talked to like this. I don’t want to be called names like awful or be cussed at anymore.”

stand your ground.

honestly, girl, he needs anger mgmt/therapy/coaching. i’d suggest it to him. watch him POOF if you start insisting he get the help he needs to manage his emotions in a less abusive way. OR he’ll get the help he needs and things could actually get better:)

You deserve to be treated with gentleness <3

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:06pm
68: siren song says:

he also just texted:

‘this is a matter of trusting that how i have been treated will end forever.’

he’s acting like i abused him. all i did was refuse to be his on-call girlfriend for the rest of my life. i feel pretty mad. ugh.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:07pm
69: Starla says:

i feel sick with guilt over the times i wasn’t as gentle as i could have been with CF

sigh, he’s sooooo long gone

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:09pm
70: siren song says:

i had almost forgotten how intense his anger is.

yeah, we were supposed to go to counselling (his idea), but he backed out two days before.

thanks for your perspective, starla.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:10pm
71: Starla says:

siren song, is he younger than you?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:12pm
72: siren song says:

also, now this:

‘i am smart and good looking and i would expect that i would be considered someone not worth hurting’

i have no idea how to address that.

i’m kind of feeling burned out on him again.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:13pm
73: siren song says:

nope, 4 years older

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:13pm
74: Radlove says:

{{{Siren Song}}},

57 – Yikes, what did you say or do? I would have said, “Eww, that feels awful to hear! I don’t want to be treated with disrespect.” And then I would have walked out.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:14pm
75: siren song says:

radlove,

i told him it felt awful. i don’t think anything i say matters anymore.

it feels like we are pretty much done. he told me he wants to me to ‘treat him better’ before he’ll marry me, which means he wants me to court him, which feels weird to me (and him – he doesn’t even like it). it’s just broken and not going to work.

part of me thinks he is finding excuses to not move forward. like just doesn’t want to.

he used to be masculine and rowed the boat. now he’s telling me to jump in the lake.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:19pm
76: Radlove says:

One thing that I feel troubled about is when I use “I” statements and feeling messages with non-Sirens, occasionally I get comments, like, “Did you notice how often you use the word, “I”? You come across as kind of self-centered.”

I totally get Rori’s reasons for saying “I”, since “You” can often be triggering, like blame. Do you encounter this? If so, how would you respond?

I really want to feel understood and finely tune my communication skills.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:19pm
77: siren song says:

((starla))

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:21pm
78: siren song says:

thanks radlove,

i feel like i have nobody else to talk to about this. the blog is really my friend today. i appreciate your words.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:23pm
79: Starla says:

siren song, he sucks:(

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:25pm
80: Slippin' Goddess says:

#65

Radlove, I hear ya.. I guess that’s what it is ..intensity.

When he was staying a mine though and I knew he was going to be back regardless every night I wasnt that bothered about texting in the day.. I was much more relaxed.. in fact he was the one saying ‘send me some love!’
Its like I was relaxed in knowing I’d see him later..

When he’s back home and I dont see him all week.. I feel a bit anxious and we usually argue..

sometimes I wonder if its because he never calls me.. he only ever texts.. we might speak on the phone like once every couple of months.. seriously, Ive never known it.. and we;ve been together a year and half

I guess you can feel close in a phone call whereas a text you send and it can be so different..
So sometimes we’ll practically live together at each others houses for weeks and then for a week we’ll not see each other and I’ll just get texts..

Sorry I’m rambling.. maybe trying to justify why I feel anxious when we’re apart for a while.. just miss him xx

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:26pm
81: siren song says:

i don’t get the weird message about how he is good looking. that’s a new theme in his texts. sheesh.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:27pm
82: Starla says:

siren song 70
he needs to go to counseling ALONE. or he needs a life coach who can handle anger management issues.

seriously, yuck. (((((((((siren song)))))))))))

and also i feel totally triggered about myself and when i’ve acted like this.

i feel grateful for the gentleness of CF and how it helped me stop treating people that way

i feel ashamed of myself too

eee want to crawl inside myself and just disappear!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:30pm
83: Radlove says:

{{{Siren Song}}},

74 – I feel sad hearing that. Another thing I would do is say, “I don’t want to be treated second class.”

Maybe it’s just a heated argument, but so far I don’t think I would want to be with a man who spoke to me like that.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:33pm
84: siren song says:

radlove,

the thing is that it wasn’t an argument. i gently asked him a question and it immediately escalated into him screaming. then crying.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:35pm
85: siren song says:

i sent him this:

‘i feel sad that we are back at this juncture again. i feel distant from you and bad about arguing. it felt so nice to have good conversations and be near you again.

i was hoping we could figure way to make both of us feel more secure and happy together in counselling. i do feel hopeful that counselling could be helpful in any case. i feel a lot of anger and pain in your messages.’

i kind of don’t care if they were good FMs or not. i think i’m going to cut off contact after that text. i did kind of tell him he needs therapy. whatever.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:39pm
86: Ella says:

Mel re 28,

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Yes. This is the issue I have been struggling with in myself.

I was feeling very unclear.

I would often be saying no just on principle, when I WOULD like to see him… but I feel annoyed that he has not asked me sooner.

Maybe I am being too rigid?

I have always found it hard to find the line between boundaries and just being plain difficult.

He always asks me ‘Are you free later? Would you like to come over?’ and he is so, so sweet about it and wanting to see me.

I feel kinda cold when I say no.

I have said no a few times because I was worried about the drinking stuff, and wanted to see if he would go ahead and see a therapist.

But mainly I just know that he knows I prefer to be booked in advance… and people treat us how we train them to treat us…

So I have been saying no on principle.

I feel tightened up and worried typing that.

I know he gets frustrated with me and is always saying that I am always welcome and he just wants to see me.

So I wonder if I am putting up blocks?

Maybe I could relax a bit.

And I feel a lil worried now… cus he didn’t ask me today.

I have an NV saying all my fussing could have put him off asking cus he fears getting a no. He might feel like what is the point?

I feel tightened up about this.

I wonder if I can bring this up with him without un-doing any good work I have done in regards to being a woman of high value because I need to be booked in advance.

I guess the underlying issue is that I have let my social life go a lot… NOTHING to do with being with MWC… but because of money issues and needing to prioritise getting out of debt, and working every hour under the sun…

Still this can be addressed… and I am starting to address this.

But do you think I should talk with MWC about this issue and say that I wonder if I have been too rigid?

What do other Sirens think too?

Thanks again Mel cus your posts to me feel insiprational. xx

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:43pm
87: siren song says:

he just said i was ‘lame’.

ok, we are totally done. done like dinner. good lord.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:47pm
88: Starla says:

siren song, you are so sweet and gentle and that’s not a bad thing. but i would just be very direct. “cussing at me and calling me names is not okay.”

HE needs the help. not you. unless you’re doing it right back.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:48pm
89: siren song says:

i feel so angry! ‘lame’?

i feel flabbergasted. this man is 37 years old.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:48pm
90: siren song says:

a few time’s i’ve reacted in an immature way, but not today. it was all FMs.

i really just feel tired of this. this is not what i want. i feel rage coming off of him. i don’t want it in my life.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:50pm
91: Radlove says:

Siren Song,

80 – Ewww. I recently had a CD respond to my post, offering sensual massage. When I said no thanks, I want to connect with a man’s heart before his body, he said let me know if you change your mind and you can be with a good looking man. something to that effect. it’s like all he had going to sell himself was his looks. How shallow.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:53pm
92: Queenbee says:

I’m feeling triggered…

Man came to visit yesterday unannounced, and didn’t call either. Normally, that would feel very romantic… but I felt triggered and disrespected. I sent my staff to give him a message to call later. Granted I was busy… but anyway… I was feeling bad about it all day… I feel better now. I leaned forward last night and texted him and just acknowledged that he visited. The whole thing made me feel angry… After analysing to death and getting a headache, I’ve decided to have compassion on myself… and now I feel better.

I feel triggered by this article. It feels great… but also feels like too much hard work for me to get done.

Slippin’ Goddess – Welcome. Haven’t seen you on before. Please forgive me, I feel so triggered by this name ‘Slippin” – I feel sad to read this name.

I feel a bit negative on the Island today – like I’m being negative

At least good news, I feel free now. I no longer wait, hope, wonder and worry about HAman. He came for his lesson. It was good and I let him go. It feels so nice not to pin over a man and hope, wonder, worry whether he will make plans with me. In fact, I’m taking on making this my MO – I shall gently move on from any man whose interest in me feels insufficient.

Ouf, feeling so frustrated… I don’t know why…

Thank you Queenbee for working out, doing beautification and meditating.

(((((Queenbee))))))

Love to all Sirens! ((((Sirens))))

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:55pm
93: lk says:

i was feeling so Down & “no hope”…. but now again i am feeling….

mostly, i feel…. Responsible : ) …. ummmmm in a nice way & i will Stand Up For Myself in my life a little more for the realization……..

also…… feeling…. Young….. also… Lucky…. also…… Certain : ))) that i will have the life i want & that i already am living the life i want…. (((trust)))

i’m also feeling Gentle after reading all you lovely ladies…. so Thank You : )))))) hoorah ! : )

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 1:58pm
94: Slippin' Goddess says:

Queenbee, nice to meet you

I come and go.. I guess I come here when I’m ‘slippin’ and you lovely ladies give me a wake up call and send me back out there the goddess that I am..
So it fits.. I guess

xx

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:00pm
95: Radlove says:

Siren Song,

83 – Yuck.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:13pm
96: Starla says:

i feel really resentful toward Alaska for sending me a page long letter about how desperately sorry he was, just cuz i didn’t answer a text cuz i was busy at work. i was already talking to him and not ignoring him. but now because i don’t have time or energy to focus on responding to a page long letter, it makes me look like i’m giving him the silent treatment or i’m hella p*ssed, when i’m not.

i do not feel good about the needless escalation of drama.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:27pm
97: Femininewoman says:

siren song your comments have me imagining a two year old throwing a tempter tantrum. I am feeling compassionate towards him because it seems somewhere in his childhood that was how he learned to get is way. I wonder what his mother was like? I believe you are doing very well. I don’t know that I would change anything in your responses. I see this as good practice for you though. Aside from him seeming to be immature I have no criticism about him. I believe he might very well be in love with you but need help in expressing it. I am not sure you can provide him the help he needs.

Have you tried acknowledging and appreciating the way he claims he feels about you? I don’t think he was calling you lame. It was the message, maybe even the counselling suggestion.

Also like begets like. If you responded to him immaturely in the past, it is normal that he would reflect that back at you. It will take him some time to recognize that you have changed that pattern.

I like Starla’s FM but I would change it to something like “It feels like being slapped across the face as a child in a playground fight when I am called names. I don’t want that in my life. I prefer to discuss things as a grown adult. What do you think?”

I would keep repeating “I don’t wants” when there are these angry outbursts and let him know that “it feels like he is pushing me further and further away”. This is the kind of instance where I believe I would use blame.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:27pm
98: Starla says:

and he is posting on facebook about what a horrible day he is having (for me to see, of course), and i just feel totally freaked out and like this is not a tree-trunk rooted kind of guy. i need to be able to say i don’t want to be talked to a certain way without it turning into a groveling please-forgive-me-or-my-life-will-be-miserable mess.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:30pm
99: Francesca says:

siren song, I find he acts like a woman.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:32pm
100: Francesca says:

Sadly…:(

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:32pm
101: Femininewoman says:

“How Shallow” RadLove that feels so judgemental and rigid like a stonewall. I am wondering about how open your heart is as my thinking is to connect to a man’s heart mine has to be open first. FMs are good but I have found that they are not effective when my walls are up.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:34pm
102: Femininewoman says:

Starla wasn’t it recently in one of Rori’s email talking about men secretly like to apologize to their Goddesses?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:36pm
103: siren song says:

FW,

no, he said ‘you are lame’.

yeah, i am pretty uninspired to continue this.

he does act like a girl.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:41pm
104: Starla says:

fw, i think that was a different coach but i saw it.

when a man acts like this, the apology isn’t for me. there is an urgency there that is all about him. and how miserable he is going to be until i tell him it’s all okay. i already said it’s all okay, just that i don’t want to be talked to like that. he is just freaking out all on his own. i feel totally drained. i feel minimized and not important and responsible for his happiness.

i bet if i don’t respond the way he hopes i will, he’ll turn hostile/immature.

i feel yucky and he’s acted like this with me before (barely) and i nipped it in the bud by not dating him anymore.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:41pm
105: Femininewoman says:

Ella “I have an NV saying all my fussing could have put him off asking cus he fears getting a no. He might feel like what is the point?

I feel tightened up about this.”

This might be true and the tightening up might be your fear talking to you. Yes you might have been rigid and maybe it could be addressed the next time he brings it up. Then I would say really listen to what he has to say. Then experiment with cutting him a little slack and seeing how you feel about it. If you feel taken for granted or not valued then I believe at least you will be clear about how you feel and can discuss it then.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:42pm
106: Femininewoman says:

i bet if i don’t respond the way he hopes i will, he’ll turn hostile/immature.

Judgemental thought.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:45pm
107: Femininewoman says:

siren song you would expect a girl to call you names? hhmm

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:47pm
108: Starla says:

i feel bullied and manipulated, like if i don’t respond, he will just feel worse, or he’ll look at me like i’m stuck up. it’s a trap. i’m going to send myself love and forgiveness and respond to this big long letter when i feel like it.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:47pm
109: siren song says:

FW,

i mean the way he now wants to be courted.

the name calling part is childish, regardless of gender.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:49pm
110: Starla says:

fw, lately i feel like you’re second guessing everything i say about my life and my experiences, and i feel tired of being told i’m doing this or that all the time. i really appreciate your insights, but something feels off about it lately, like i have no room to have my own views or judgments or thoughts and i’m reminded of being a teenager with my mother. i remember complaining about being bullied to her (i was really bullied, i have scars to prove it) and her immediate reaction was to ask/look for what *i* did to deserve it or how i was handling the situation wrong. it doesn’t feel very supportive and i feel really sad and defensive.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 2:55pm
111: Starla says:

now alaska is texting me that he is in my lobby and i don’t even have to speak to him, just to come down from my office and get something that he “has for me”

omg don’t show up to my work because i didn’t answer your email.

not. okay.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:00pm
112: Ella says:

FW,

Thank you.

Yes… I have been wondering about cutting him some slack, because I have been quite high maintenance/value and he has been having to work very, very hard for me, and sometimes I think I can be too rigid.

It is also all tied in with feeling afraid to let go and trust.

I have been taking babysteps with trusting him more and I still find it hard.

And time and again he has proved himself.

It does feel good to cut him some slack sometimes and allow myself to trust him and feel his love.

I don’t think he is trying to take me for granted or mistreat me in any way… In fact I think he really loves me and has my best interests at heart, even if he gets it wrong sometimes.

And I still feel hyper vigilant about making sure I don’t allow a man to mistreat me… its almost like I have just had my quota of taking any kind of cra8p in my life and anything that even smells like it just triggers me to vehemently reject it….

But maybe he has earned a little slack from me… and a little trust.

Maybe we can feel good with in this little bit of loosening off.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:02pm
113: siren song says:

oh starla that sounds kind of intense. the alaska visit.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:04pm
114: Ella says:

((((Starla)))))

Wow… showing up like that.

I feel kinda freaked out too. :-/ But maybe he is just a sweet guy?? Who knows… follow your feeling, trust your boundaries Siren.

xoxox

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:06pm
115: Femininewoman says:

Sorry Starla

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:07pm
116: Daria says:

okay i feel really unsafe to process this here

this is about something starla wrote that i felt triggered by. and this is not about starla or to imply anyone shoulda done it different even if it comes across that way and im sorry if it does

i felt really pushed away reading this : “fw, lately i feel like you’re second guessing everything i say about my life and my experiences, and i feel tired of being told i’m doing this or that all the time.”

i know when i get upset i tend to ‘have to’ say You’re doing something… or else ‘it won’t make sense’

i want to move away from this

i wonder what this would look like in all about me messages

it feels scary because it might ‘lose’ the whole ‘point’

which is you’re doing something that is bothering me

and then will it ‘work’

i don’t know

i feel scared

i dont want to be slammed for writing about this

and i feel braced against slamming

how would i rewrite that /
“im feeling frustrated, unsafe?”

i dont want to be second guessed.

i dont want to be told what to do.

i dont want advice

i dont want to be made wrong

how would i really address this?

hey i notice im feeling resentful lately and closed off reading advice suggestions to see things differently … im feeling insecure and not honored reading something different from my expressed chosen actions and way of thinking… and i dont want to be told what to do or suggested stuff that differs from the choice i made… it would feel so much better to feel encouraged and supported in my choices

ok that feels kinda solid for me…

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:13pm
117: Femininewoman says:

Ella I would love to read Dominique’s comments to your situation. My sense is that you are approaching “strong surrender” or are wanting to do it but your doubts keep blocking your path. I see you are allowing your feelings to guide you through. Your last comment had me wondering if you were clear on what is your intuition as opposed to your NVs.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:14pm
118: Daria says:

im feeling so hungry!

out to eat some fish tacos

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:14pm
119: Starla says:

daria how is the vacation?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:15pm
120: Starla says:

daria, i am feeling this way with you too, lately. i wish you would just *lay off* if you don’t have anything supportive to say to me. no one is FORCING you to bring up my name in your processing.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:16pm
121: siren song says:

well, i feel good that i stood up for myself.

FW you are right, it is good practice…

i said ‘i don’t want to be spoken to with disrespect. it’s not okay to call me names.’

he said:

‘you are right. it’s not okay. i am sorry.’

well, that’s enough practice for one day. phew.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:17pm
122: Tereana says:

I am feeling pretty productive today, even though I didn’t have a lot “to do!”

I am feeling defensive when people (women) are offering me advice. I feel like, I don’t want advice. I just want to share and be listened to and heard and acknowledged. Advice feels like the other person telling me I am “wrong.” I don’t like to feel that I am wrong. Does it mean I have to be right? Is there a middle ground? (Freudian slip here: I nearly typed “write.” I think it might be time to write!)

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:18pm
123: Starla says:

wow siren song, nice!!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:20pm
124: Femininewoman says:

Daria thanks for “i know when i get upset i tend to ‘have to’ say You’re doing something… or else ‘it won’t make sense”

This really resonated with me as if it is something I do. It is something I have experienced with my mother over and over again and have struggled with how to handle it. I tend to storm off, even now, when it shows. The way I see it is that when I blame her for doing something or address something she does she tries to point how the numerous times other people do it. As if it is okay because someone else is doing it. I don’t know if this makes sense, but as soon as I read your words this came to my awareness. Obviously something needs to be healed here for me. Reminds of something I read from Gay Hendricks and John Gottman about the cycle of blame and criticism. I have to review that.

Thanks again.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:22pm
125: siren song says:

i know! what just happened? ha

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:23pm
126: Starla says:

115 fw thank you, you’ve always been so receptive to my requests for more gentleness and it’s not something that has been honored very much in my life, so it means a lotttt to me.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:23pm
127: Ella says:

FW re 116

No. I often get the 2 muddled up! Lol.

But its ok…

I am babystepping, and its not all perfect but I am really looking out for myself, and have my best interests at heart in a way I never have been able to before.

Yes Strong Surrender would feel good.

Yummy and yes please.

Like a big, yummy, soft marshmallow icecream with a strong solid base.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:24pm
128: Femininewoman says:

siren song I have read over and over again and also experienced it, that men know when they are being jerks.

Congrats for changing the dynamics by changing your words.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:25pm
129: Tereana says:

Question about Charu’s process –

1) I love this and I think it’s great! Charu is awesome.

2) Even though this is a lot about how we feel, and getting into our bodies, and getting off the thought of “what’s wrong with him”? – what if it isn’t about that thought? What if HE is the one with that thought? What if the “problem” has more to do with his anxiety than ours? Hm…I may be projecting here. Only ONCE have I been in a situation where this came up (so to speak ; ), and there was a physiological basis for it. It was (and is) very painful for me to feel helpless and like there was nothing I could do about it – and knowing that he felt the same. He wished there was something he could do, too. I offered my support and to be there with him anyway, and he chose to withdraw from the relationship. He wanted to “deal with it on his own.” He wanted to “focus on himself.” I say that’s okay. But it still makes me feel bad. Like what did I do wrong that made him feel so bad and like he had to do that? What could I have done differently?

and 3) Where do you find these guys who are so willing to “go there” and work on this stuff in this way? Lol. The only guys I meet tend to want to “deal with it on their own” (see above), or they would laugh if I talked about anything like this. Laugh and/or be totally confused.

I guess those probably aren’t he best relationship-oriented guys.

I just felt bad about this one guy, because he was the only one in the last year who told me that he loved me. And we actually had good sex on more than one occasion. There was only one time where I didn’t feel “satisfied,” and this really seemed to throw him for a loop. I still feel bad. But there’s a lot going on there, and probably nothing I can do.

Anyway, just writing it out.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

~ t.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:27pm
130: Dominique says:

Ella – Yes I see some rigidity going on with you, but it’s okay. It’s more than okay. You’re feeling your way this, meaning you’re mostly working on figuring yourself out, your preferences, your boundaries, what works for you, what doesn’t, what feels better, what doesn’t. And you’re also working on figuring out how this fits within a relationship.

Try instead going even more with how YOU feel. If you want to see him even though it’s last minute plans, go and enjoy. If you don’t, then don’t.

xxoo

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 3:56pm
131: Francesca says:

Yay, siren song!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 4:13pm
132: Ella says:

Dominique,

Thank you for replying. I have been missing your input. It always feels so soft and lovely, and useful at the same time…

Ok yes… I have often just been following me feelings.

And its only really when certain thoughts have kicked in like ‘oh if you go over there too often you are being too available and this will be bad’ etc…

Or NVs about being taken for granted.

But thats is where trusting my boundaries can come in.

I know whenever I have felt bad or for granted, even if the man has not meant for me to feel this way, I have taken myself away from the situation.

So I am learning to trust myself more.

And I suppose this is what is meant by having strong boundaries? Trusting my boundaries.

So I know I can do this.

And it allows me to be soft on the outside, and open, and experiment with different things to see how they feel.

Yes I can go with following my feelings even more…

And liklihood is I will be over there most of the time when he invites me…

But sometimes I might not.

And that is ok, if I genuinly don’t want to…

Sometimes I feel afraid to admit this… but I have been babystepping with this too, and won’t tend to go if I discover that I don’t really want to…

This wouldn’t help him either, or honour the relationship, to go when I didn’t really want to.

Thanks Dominique for helping me to explore this.

Thanks all other Sirens.

xoxox

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 4:13pm
133: Starla says:

k leaving for the day… hoping alaska isn’t in the lobby even though i said it wasn’t okay for him to show up to my job like that.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 4:27pm
134: Sassy says:

Why can’t I express myself out loud in feeling messages?? I can write about them here alllll day long, but when it comes to having real life conversations, they just fly by me!!
Bugs me to death, ughhhh.
As for this subject, this has happened to me with a few different men over the years. I always took it personally deep down inside and tried to be as gentle and sensitive about it as I could. I realize this is a huge issue for men and their egos.
((((((men’s issues)))))

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 4:29pm
135: Daria says:

wow i just met a cd and he kissed me and offered to go down on me and now he says he likes me and is texting me

and he was so cute and such a great kisser!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:03pm
136: Radlove says:

FW,

101 – I do not feel sure if we are talking about the same thing. If a man promotes himself based on nothin but his looks, that’s shallow. If that’s a judgment, so be it.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:16pm
137: Daria says:

Starla – im sorry you feel upset with me

i feel very resistant and angry being implied to not bring up someones name in my processing

its way past my boundary zone of what is my business – my processing feels healing and of utmost importance to me – and i feel not honored about that

i wish it would be appreciated and honored however no one is FORCED to appreciate my process

and i appreciate your honesty Starla about feeling ‘this way’ with me – i feel confused about what way that is but am guessing … uncomfortable and upset

I feel better to honor myself and continue my processing than to censor myself due to a friend’s triggered feelings

i feel guilty about this and thats ok

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:21pm
138: Daria says:

Radlove – that feels bad whoa!

what is going on with “so be it” ? i wonder what is going on that a judgement would be defended…

that feels awful

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:25pm
139: Daria says:

im feeling so mad!

i wonder if Rori would suggest i ask how we should work this out?

i feel my heart pounding

i don’t know how to handle this

on one hand i feel compassionate, i feel so triggered and sad sometimes if someone is triggered about my writing and expressing it in a way that doesnt feel supportive to me

omg i feel rageful when that happens!

and i dont want my friends to feel that way with me!

on the other hand, im committed to putting myself first, to my healing

and to giving myself permission to speak my feeilngs freely about what i see around me in my world including the blog

that takes top priority for me and i dont want to compromise that at all not even a lil bit not for anyone

this is Daria running the Daria Show

hmmm

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:30pm
140: Radlove says:

Slippin’ Goddess,

80 – First of all, please never apologize for writing on the blog! That’s what it’s here for!

You said, “I guess you can feel close in a phone call whereas a text you send and it can be so different..”

I totally agree. It was the same case with R and me. Right now I have over 4400 texts saved on my phone between R and me, mostly since December. I let it slide, since he said he didn’t have sound privacy at his house (he lives with his parents) and because I lived so far away. I strongly wish now that I had not gone with it.

I think it was a major thing that led to our communication breaking down. You just can’t have a meaningful relationship with a man through the written word alone.

I recently texted this with him:

B: I am wishing I hadn’t tolerated second class treatment like text only. It was a mistake.

R: I’ll admit that is poor.

B: ty

B: One reason my relational skills didn’t develop normally is cuz I had mostly long distance relationships with men in prison. Long distance is not good for me.

I wish I had said at the beginning of all that, “I don’t mind saying hi, how are you now and then, but I would feel more comfortable just talking with you in person.”

Because then it would have required him to get together with me, and when things started to go sour, I would have been able to sense it. It caught me off guard, because I couldn’t sense his displeasure until it was too late. Sigh.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:33pm
141: Starla says:

(((((((((sassy))))))))))

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:36pm
142: ReceivingGirl says:

@60 siren song

I agree with Starla. That is sooo not acceptable.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:36pm
143: Radlove says:

When I said “I wish I had said at the beginning of all that, “I don’t mind saying hi, how are you now and then, but I would feel more comfortable just talking with you in person.”, I meant I wish I had said that back in Dec or Jan when he started texting me all the time.

I guess another reason I let it slide is because I wanted the practice of constructing feeling messages slowly. And it did serve that purpose. But I think on the fly would have been healthier all around.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:36pm
144: Daria says:

okay

im under the impression im being harassed

AND its normal

right?

its normal for a friend to disegard my writing that its not about her and to expect me to only share niece feeling things and

hide when i feel triggerd or upset by something she shares

and i dont want this kind of friendship anymore

i want to feel free to express myself

and i dont want to put the pressure on people to only tell ME nice things

however, i feel crushed when ppl tell me things that Dont feel good

so how do i handle this?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:36pm
145: Daria says:

i feel so not ready for a relationship with another human being

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:37pm
146: ReceivingGirl says:

@64

Thank you, Dominique!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:40pm
147: Radlove says:

Daria,

138 – I feel nitpicked. And I feel really weary of men who just talk about nothing but d*cks, p*ssies, and t*ts, to put it in their language. I feel fed up with it!!

We are human beings! We are not bunnies, mice, or kitties that just f*ck because they don’t have the intelligence we possess to relate at a deeper level!

I am not a f*cking bunny, mouse, or kitty, and I do mean “f*cking”!

I am a SPIRIT! And I have a mind, heart, soul, and, yes, a body.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:42pm
148: Daria says:

i feel unsure, am i closing down?

i dont want to be told what to write about, i feel very defensive of my processing space

no need to q myself

sigh

having boundaries feels uncomfortable and scary

what can i do so that the triggeredness is reduced?

i can just keep my words to myself –

but that is what i DONT want to do

so i just have to choose me

always choose me

even if i think im losing everything

sigh

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:42pm
149: Starla says:

daria, please don’t ask rori, if it’s about me. i would feel really resentful, like i was being dragged into answering for something i don’t feel prepared to commit my energy to or agreed to partake in. It feels like a trap and I feel really not okay with the suggestion.

Again, since this is bothering YOU, maybe you could ask her ON YOUR OWN, without bringing *me* into it. I’m not trying to stop you from healing or processing. I just want you to leave me alone with your unsolicited judgments and criticisms if something i said wasn’t at all directed to you or about you, because it’s nearly every day you’re talking about how much i triggered you, and how judgmental you “feel” towards me. It feels horrible when your support system and ‘friends’ tell you all the time how much they’re judging you. judgmental isn’t even a feeling, daria. i feel used for some superficial venting that LEADS to processing. I would feel really heard and cared about if you would just highlight and delete the preliminary venting about how much you’re judging and criticizing me specifically, before you hit “submit.”

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:43pm
150: Daria says:

Radlove – sorry you feel something that doesnt feel good

i feel angry regarding nitpicked

men who talk about body parts only feel like a turn off to me too

reading judgements of men feels really bad and offputting too

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:44pm
151: Radlove says:

Daria & FW,

I also feel majorly triggered because I have been with the handsome men who have hearts of ice! I don’t care how drop dead gorgeous a man is if he has a heart that does not love.

Sure, I like a handsome man. But only if I have some depth to relate to beyond his penis.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:44pm
152: Starla says:

i wish i knew how to make italicized letters, because then i wouldn’t use ugly caps to emphasize things.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:47pm
153: Radlove says:

Daria and FW,

Ok, look, I don’t want to be in judgment. I was just feeling angry because sometimes i don’t feel free to be myself here. But then I remember that my goal is to reformat my relational style and attitudes, etc.

Let’s see, how could I word that instead of “men are shallow if all they talk about is their looks as a selling point.”

“I feel turned off when a man appeals to me based on his looks, rather than based on his heart.”

I feel policed here, semantically. I appreciate it up to a point, but sometimes it feels like nitpicking.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:49pm
154: Daria says:

Starla – mm im feeling rather unseen.. i don’t see any judgements of you in my recent post. feel free to point them out

i do see where i wrote paraphrase: “this is not about starla, and its not meant to imply anything about her, and im sorry if it comes across that way”

id love to feel heard and honored about that

im sorry about you reading judgements –

when i say i feel judgemental it means im noticing judgements come up in my mind

i have been feeling triggered a lot by your posting lately

i don’t know what youre asking me to please not do, i wasnt going to contact rori but i always would contact her ‘on my own’??

im feeling just really resistant to this last post. all tightened up and pist

i hear you, i think i do – you want to feel happy and at ease and supported

and me, im feeling hounded pressed against the wall and getting the impression someone is attempting to pressure and manipulate me

i feel very defensive and ruthless feeling like this

i dont want to feel liek t his

id appreciate if its acknowledged and honored when i write that this processing is about ME

those words are meant to soothe others – maybe that’s why they dont?

cuz i already know its about me

hmm

im feeling tired and bored

i dont want to bullshit about this

really it comes down to – no im not willing to stop processing in any way for anyone

and im doing my best to not judge within my processing already

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:54pm
155: Radlove says:

Daria,

116 – What you said in 116 is a far more eloquent way of saying what I am trying to say when I say sometimes I feel nitpicked:

“how would i rewrite that /
“im feeling frustrated, unsafe?”

i dont want to be second guessed.

i dont want to be told what to do.

i dont want advice

i dont want to be made wrong

how would i really address this?

hey i notice im feeling resentful lately and closed off reading advice suggestions to see things differently … im feeling insecure and not honored reading something different from my expressed chosen actions and way of thinking… and i dont want to be told what to do or suggested stuff that differs from the choice i made… it would feel so much better to feel encouraged and supported in my choices

ok that feels kinda solid for me…”

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:54pm
156: Daria says:

Radlove – wow that way sounds so much better

i feel really stiff reading that you feel ‘policed’

i hear you and i dont want to feel at all responsible for that actually

i feel confident it has nothing to do with me

i felt bad reading the judgement about men and a dismissal of it as no big deal

for some reason that really pisses me off

maybe i do the same

i probably am judging ppl and myself and dismissing it as no big deal

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:57pm
157: Daria says:

Radlove – i hear you. i don’t want to be assumed about that im giving advice when im not intending to

it felt bad to read that judgement and the dismissal of it

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:58pm
158: Radlove says:

Slippin’ Goddess,

Here is a perfect article from Rori about intensity, like what you and I were discussing a little while ago:

Intensity Can Be Passionate And Exciting To A Man, Or It Can Feel Draining To Him – Which Kind of “Intense” Are YOU?

Hi, This is Rori,

Okay, so what’s the difference between intense passion and intense draining?

What’s the difference between passion and excitement – or even powerful feelings like rage, terror and grief – and the intensity that causes tension, draining and causes a man to disappear?

When you’re intense in a draining way – you’re not letting any of your real self out.

Instead of allowing your inner light to shine – even a bit, so that it can warm a man who gets close to you, it’s as though the only light you have is what you can borrow from HIM.

He not only feels “depended upon” in an emotional sense – as if you need him to be happy – he feels depended upon in a “survival” sense – as if you need him to LIVE.

And that’s pretty scary for a man – for most of us, actually.

MOST OF US CAN’T STAND THE FEELING OF BEING “HELPLESS”

And so when we’re sad and confused, we don’t want to be putting that out.

We don’t want to be the “sad and confused person.” We TALK about our sadness and confusion, anyway, with our friends, but even when we talk about it, mostly we cover up the deeper feelings with DEPRESSION, a kind of general ABSENCE of feeling.

And when we do it ALL THE TIME, it’s like our light goes out. The only time we can let down is when we’re alone, and even then it’s hard – because it’s so frightening to allow our sadness and confusion to come to the surface.

And the worst part about it is – keeping all that stuff covered up gives us the ILLUSION that we’re okay. We keep putting one foot in front of the other. And so we work hard AGAINST ourselves.

If we’re convinced we’re “okay,” we often don’t get the help we need because we don’t want to change. Not really. Because changing would mean taking off the covers and looking at the pain and sadness and confusion that’s really underneath.

So – here’s your next steps in discovering your kind of intensity:

**If you notice someone leaning away from you, lean back.

**If they stay leaning away, take a look at the intensity of what you’re feeling.

**Go into the bathroom wherever you are and be alone with yourself for a moment.

**Now, ask yourself what you’re feeling. See if it’s anger – that’s usually the most common emotion that triggers depression, covering up – and that kind of “intensity” that drains other people.

** If you discover some anger, stomp it out in the bathroom, or just “sink in” to the feeling, feel it completely, and then..

**Take a few very deep breaths right into your belly, and imagine as you walk out of the bathroom or the hallway or the kitchen or wherever you are that you’re expanding yourself out into a better-feeling place.

Love, Rori

This is exactly what I needed.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 5:59pm
159: Daria says:

wow im feeling overwhelmed!

how is DARIA feeling

those are the feelings i honor FIRST

and THROUGH that, i can honor others

ME FIRST

and me feels pist and attacked by like 7 chickens that are flying and trying to land on me

whoa!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:00pm
160: Daria says:

I feel PIST!

i do NOT want to tolerate this treatment

i do NOT feel good being asked PLEASE do/dont do this

it feels icky and i feel resentful!

NO

i will NOT!

and i don’t care if you said please

i will not submit to any demands or manipulations or even requests

that dont feel 100% good and honoring TO ME

im in charge of Daria

not of Starla, Radlove, or anyone else

it would feel so good to push everyone away and sweep my table clear right now

i feel PIST!

i don’t want to feel this draining feeling i feel

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:03pm
161: Starla says:

daria, i see you said ‘it’s not about me’ but you almost every day (sometimes a few times a day) are saying “i feel judgmental” to me, so i am starting to feel seriously picked on, and i want to be left alone like that. It feels crazy-making, daria, to read someone write unsolicitedly how they’re judging you, and then to read them write about how scared they are they’ll be attacked and picked on and beat up for saying so. It feels like I’m being drawn into a trap where no matter what I will be left feeling bad.

I’m not bringing this up for sport or fun, but because it seriously is starting to ruin my days for a long while now. i know that *i* control that ultimately, but part of that is letting you know that i don’t feel okay with this.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:03pm
162: Daria says:

im feeling so angry at having created draining relationships in my life

UGH

im feeling so helpless at not knowing how to be close otherwise

without caretaking, putting others first, HIDING MY REAL FEELINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RAARRRGH

i feel so frustrated!!!!!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:05pm
163: Starla says:

Daria, WHAT TREATMENT? Can you put it into words? how am i treating YOU? i don’t understand!! You write things about other people and follow it up immediately that you’re scared that by saying negative things about others you’ll be attacked. then when they try to stand up for themselves, you say you’re being treated badly. it is sooo crazy making. i don’t understand how anyone can maintain relationships relating to people in this pattern over and over. i certainly can’t handle lasso’d unsolicitedly into that pattern and I don’t appreciate it when this keeps happening. You’ve been talking about this for YEARS now and I wish you would just figure it out already instead of using me for processing! I try to be patient and loving and understanding but I can only handle so much! I’m a real person too! I have boundaries and feelings and opinions and beliefs too! And they’re just as true for me as yours are for you.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:08pm
164: siren song says:

i went to band practice and came back to 5 texts from guy who loves me:

‘i hope you aren’t eating alone’.

‘you take what is yours by giving. that is the oldest ‘truth’ there is’.

‘eating alone is not very healthy’.

ok, i am finding this creepy and needy.

i don’t want to make him safe to express himself anymore. this is too much.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:12pm
165: siren song says:

i went to band practice and came back to 5 texts from guy who loves me:

‘i hope you aren’t eating alone’.

‘you take what is yours by giving. that is the oldest ‘truth’ there is’.

‘eating alone is not very healthy’.

ok, i am finding this creepy and needy.

i don’t want to make him safe to express himself anymore. this is too much.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:12pm
166: Daria says:

thanks Starla

i do often feel judgemental reading some of your posts lately

i do not want to apologize for that at all

im feeling triggered, i feel judgemental, i feel scared of sharing about it, i dont want to be beat up about it

and I LOVE MY FEELINGS

i feel angry

im sorry you feel bad that im repeating that i feel judgemental, and the truth is i actually feel relieved that i don’t feel responsible for this – there is nothing i can do about how i feel … im not controlling my feelings and dont want to be –

i truly do feel bad – and guilty – that your days feel ruined from reading my posts

i dont want to be responsible for that

and i dont want to stop expressing my feelings to avoid triggering anyone

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:13pm
167: Starla says:

well it’s hurting my feelings and ruining my day. now you know. i gotta go to the gym, bye sirens!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:15pm
168: Daria says:

Starla – whoa this feels intense and scary

i dont want to be talked to in “you” language, asked to please do anything, or complained to that my processing feels triggering to someone else

i dont want to take responsibility for those triggers

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:17pm
169: Starla says:

(((((((((((((siren song))))))))))))))))

he is freaking out. i’ve acted like that so many times (oh dear) in the past and it was a desperate cry for love and attention. again, an anger management issue.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:19pm
170: Daria says:

Starla – well that sux. i dont want to be responsible for it and i dont appreciate the implication i am.

I intend to have a lovely not ruined day personally

even though i feel numb angry and upset

i actually feel safe, like a wall, powerful, and appreciative of the way im taking care of me

i really feel solid and anchored in myself and i feel sooooo excited with how im refusing to take responsibility for other peoples feelings YAY!!!!

haha!!!

whew!!!!

no more inauthentic friendships

only friendships based on openess and being able to share what i feel about ANYTHING… YAY!!!

no more giving in to friends!!! no more holding back, or any of that!

omg i feel so excited

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:21pm
171: Daria says:

im reading the article and yes, i do feel sad and confused

AND angry

and now i feel melty an sleepy and mostly sad

i feel sad and i am here for you Daria

thank you for standing up for me!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:23pm
172: Radlove says:

Daria (& FW),

156 – I SO appreciate your feeling messages to me. And when I say I feel policed, I think that was more in the direction of FW. And maybe I want to just let it go, if that is good with both of you.

Because FW, you help me be aware of things I say that I wouldn’t otherwise be aware of…even if I do feel it under my skin at times. I know you are trying to be helpful. And I appreciate you acting as a mirror, even tho sometimes I grrrrowellllll!

I love you both!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:25pm
173: ReceivingGirl says:

The doctor called today and I asked him if my hair loss was related to low C3 and he said, it is possible as that is indicating an active flare. I also asked if the low C3 points me more towards lupus and he said, whether we call it lupus or undifferentiated doesn’t really matter cause they are treated the same way. I feel he is trying not to label me, even though I have lupus. Maybe it will be better for me to not have that label? I don’t know. He said increasing my medication should help. I hope so because I don’t want to keep losing hair and my face is just awful.

My other problem is I’m having trouble swallowing pills because they get stuck in my throat. Most likely from the dryness associated with the disease. My vitamins are the worst and I’ve even cut them in half, but still have problems. I made some tea to melt it. It’s such a bad feeling to have a pill stuck in your throat. What if I choke on it? I have no one here to help me.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:30pm
174: Starla says:

wow it feels weird to watch a friend celebrate how much they don’t care about your feelings. woah. i feel… like turning away from that completely.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:32pm
175: Radlove says:

Daria,

170 – That feels really healthy to read. You are a role model to me, as is Rori.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:40pm
176: siren song says:

yeah, i told him i didn’t feel good about this and i don’t want to have a relationship anymore.

he doesn’t seem able to follow through on therapy or to make a commitment. i have other cds. can’t do it anymore.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:41pm
177: Starla says:

If someone is judging me all the time, then i see no reason for them to even be friends with me in the first place, especially when they can’t be convinced to hold back on verbalizing it when i say it hurts my feelings.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:43pm
178: Starla says:

(((((((((((((siren song)))))))))))))))))))))
i’m so sorry it turned out like this with him.

okay really going to the gym

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:44pm
179: siren song says:

GO TO THE GYM STARLA!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:46pm
180: siren song says:

GO TO THE GYM STARLA!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:46pm
181: ReceivingGirl says:

((((siren song))))

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:46pm
182: Radlove says:

{{{RG}}},

Would it help to take the pills in applesauce, pudding, or the like?

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:47pm
183: Radlove says:

Starla,

174 – There is a world of difference between Daria saying “I am not RESPONSIBLE for your feelings” and “I don’t CARE about your feelings.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:50pm
184: ReceivingGirl says:

Radlove, I have not tried that. I did try a smoothie type drink & it didn’t help. Why do they make vitamins so dang big! I might have to take the chewables.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:53pm
185: Radlove says:

Starla,

177 – I feel myself in boy mode, trying to fix, trying to be a communication bridge between you and Daria, as I always tried to be for my parents during their 25 years of fighting, I mean, marriage.

I feel sad to see two friends at odds. I doubt Daria feels understood, and I know you don’t feel understood. It would feel so good to see gentle, slow communication that lets go of anger.

There is nothing more valuable in life than relationships. I know both of you well enuff to know that both of you want the best for each other. I am rooting for your friendship with Daria.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:53pm
186: Radlove says:

RG,

184 – My Mom lives in a nursing home, and that is what they use to give her meds. I think it feels far more comfortable myself.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 6:59pm
187: ReceivingGirl says:

I will give it a try, Radlove. Thank you.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 7:04pm
188: Radiant Rising says:

Starla, I hope you have a great time at the gym. What exrcises are your favorite? What do they offer at your particular gym? I feel curious. I want to join dance and gyrotonics but it is so expensive, hoping I’ll be able to by the summer.

I want to let you know I feel really admiring of you lately. You’re dealing with a break up and yet you are so committed to taking care of yourself. That is not easy and for that I give you (((HUGS))). I say to you what my good friend said to me three weeks ago. “You’re still bleeding and you are going off to battle again.” But just know, you are doing so well for yourself okay? You are beautifully feminine, a woman of high value and an amazing siren. These wounds will heal, and your friends are here for you.

I feel very protective of you lately, and I feel like scooping you up and nursing away those wounds. Just keep processing and loving yourself, and in the meantime sending you lots of love and hugs. Breathe into yourself and bring your awareness to the loving being that you are. Tell yourself “I deserve the best of unconditional love” and just breathe into that. Feel how that feels, then create it for yourself. I know that makes me feel better. ((((YOU))))

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 7:24pm
189: Radiant Rising says:

I am over the moon for lover boy. He offered to move from his state to mine the other day so he could be closer to me. I was like, shook my head a couple times and said, “What!?” I was so excited, and afraid! I told him that made me feel cherished. All he could say was, “You ARE loved and cherished. By me.” I could cry. Lots of NVs flying around, but lots of PVs are bubbling up too to keep those NVs in check. We’ll see what happens. Right now, just riding the waves and feeling all the feelings that are coming up. It feels like being on a roller coaster where the tummy goes up, tickles and tingles then we scream.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 7:40pm
190: Radiant Rising says:

BTW, love this article.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 7:42pm
191: Euterpe says:

Hi Sirens, I put this post and the next one on the last blog, but they were the last two postings, so I’m posting them again here, just in case they were overlooked. Thank you!

295: Euterpe says:

Hi Sirens,

I felt like I wanted to cry when I read this article. I felt hopeless. I felt so alone. Certainly I felt discouraged. After reading it through several times and reading the comments that were under the article I now feel connected. And I am so glad Rori posted this. It definitely was posted on my facebook. Rori, I appreciate the work that you do more and more everyday.

I would like to say that I don’t think this is limited to just the very young.

Here are some quotes I pulled from the comments that I thought were worth repeating here:

- Feminist ideology that demands women to completely abandon their biology in favor of a more ‘trailblazing’ and ultimately more masculine gender role is a real problem.

I’d sum up the problem this way: Progress is now defined as becoming Don Draper–whether you’re male or female.

Early feminists believed in female economic empowerment and male sharing of housekeeping and childcare duties. Somewhere along the way, this got turned into “everything that is traditionally feminine is worthless and everything that is traditionally masculine is ideal.”

So young women decided to morph into men: Marry the job and use people to climb the ladder. Measure success in terms of how much power you have, how much sex you have with multiple partners, and how large your bank account is. Nothing else really matters.

Then wonder what that aching, raw feeling inside is. You know, the one that results from having no real human connection with anyone.

Why all the submission? Are you all really that unaware of the popularity of dominatrixes among powerful men who have lost all site of their own humanity? Tired of having absolute control over other people, they find sexual gratification in being dominated and humiliated. So now women have caught up on that front as well. This is not progress.

Perhaps someone should start a Slow Sex movement along the lines of the Slow Food movement to encourage sustainable, local, and caring relationships. Young people will never know the joys of a good meal if all they ever get is McDonald’s. How sad it would be if they don’t get to experience the real joy of sex instead of just the fast food equivalent.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012 @ 6:54pm

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 7:54pm
192: Starla says:

siren song, i went to the gym! lol

radiant rising, thank you so much for your supportive words to me. supportive words make me feel loveable, even though i know i’m supposed to be responsible for feeling loveable, ugh, NVs.

i belong to a fitness studio that is led by a personal trainer. we do a lot of whacky stuff like flip giant tires. my FAVORITE is the MMA training. I love throwing punches and I’m shopping for my own boxing equipment now so I can train at home.

but lately i’m not having time for the commute home from there after work, so I’ve been working out at home. I have an exercise room in my apartment building, where I’ll do some cardio equipment and today I was lifting weights, and now I’m going to do pilates in my living room.

When I get my car, I plan to do a LOT more. I want to be going to yoga at least 1xa week, belly dancing 1-2 times a week, and 3-4 times a week “working out” including MMA.

I love my body and want to spend lots of time on it/with it. I have felt really disconnected from it for my whole life!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:01pm
193: Radlove says:

Starla,

I feel sad seeing Sirens I love fight with each other. I want to tweak some of your feeling messages, both for practice and in hopes of being helpful. I wonder if your main message underlying your words is “I feel angry”?

S: “fw, lately i feel like you’re second guessing everything i say about my life and my experiences…”

Tweak: fw, lately I feel bad, like I’m being second guessed about everything I say about my life and my experiences…

S: i wish you would just *lay off* if you don’t have anything supportive to say to me. no one is FORCING you to bring up my name in your processing.

Tweak: I would feel more at ease if I could receive supportive messages only. I feel uncomfortable when my name is brought up in someone else’s processing.

S: it’s nearly every day you’re talking about how much i triggered you, and how judgmental you “feel” towards me.

Tweak: I feel uncomfortable nearly every day when I hear how much another Siren felt triggered by me, and that I trigger judgment in another Siren.

S: I would feel really heard and cared about if you would just highlight and delete the preliminary venting about how much you’re judging and criticizing me specifically, before you hit “submit.”

Tweak: I would feel really heard and cared about if I were not told I am being judged and criticized in someone else’s processing.

S: It feels horrible when your support system and ‘friends’ tell you all the time how much they’re judging you. judgmental isn’t even a feeling, daria.

Tweak: It feels horrible when I often hear from my support system and friends how much I am triggering thoughts of judgment.

(NOTE: The quote around such words as “friends” carry an implication of blame and anger when I read them).

S: You almost every day (sometimes a few times a day) are saying “i feel judgmental” to me, so i am starting to feel seriously picked on, and i want to be left alone like that.

Tweak: I feel bad hearing “I feel judgmental” almost every day (sometimes a few times a day), so i am starting to feel very heavy hearted. I don’t want to be targeted, and i want to be left alone like that.

S: Daria, WHAT TREATMENT? Can you put it into words? how am i treating YOU? i don’t understand!! You write things about other people and follow it up immediately that you’re scared that by saying negative things about others you’ll be attacked. then when they try to stand up for themselves, you say you’re being treated badly. it is sooo crazy making. i don’t understand how anyone can maintain relationships relating to people in this pattern over and over. i certainly can’t handle lasso’d unsolicitedly into that pattern and I don’t appreciate it when this keeps happening. You’ve been talking about this for YEARS now and I wish you would just figure it out already instead of using me for processing!

Tweak: Daria, I feel extremely angry, frustrated, and exasperated. I feel confused…what treatment do you mean? I wonder if we can keep communication lines open and talk this through in words? I feel unsure how I am treating you? i don’t understand!! I read posts by you about other people. I feel weird when it is followed up immediately with concern about being attacked. Then when they try to stand up for themselves, I read posts about being treated badly. it feels sooo crazy making. I feel baffled about how a person can maintain relationships relating to people in this pattern over and over. I feel in agony. I don’t want to be lassoed unsolicitedly into that pattern and I don’t appreciate it when this keeps happening. I’ve been hearing this for YEARS now and it would help my anger go away if I didn’t have to hear processing around me repeatedly.

S: If someone is judging me all the time, then i see no reason for them to even be friends with me in the first place

Tweak: I feel so heavy hearted, because I want to feel accepted and loved.

S: It feels crazy-making, daria, to read someone write unsolicitedly how they’re judging you, and then to read them write about how scared they are they’ll be attacked and picked on and beat up for saying so.

Starla, I don’t have any tweaks for this feeling message, but I just want to comment. I have been the trigger for Daria’s processing, too, and I know what you are talking about. Here is how I came to peace about it:

After some time, I came to understand that Daria was allowing herself to feel outside triggers, and then rather than staying stuck in anger, she was riffing on the blog. Sure, she could have taken those triggers and processed them privately, but she chose Rori’s blog as her public, personal journal. And that is its designated use, per Rori.

I started removing myself from her riffing, as if I were an anonymous person observing her inner, psychological processing. I thought she was thoughtful to give her disclaimer up front, “This is not about you…this is about me. What you said triggering such and such in me.” Then I chose to read everything following that as Daria facing her inner conflicts and hurts from the past.

When I started seeing it like this, I no longer felt triggered at being the object of her triggers. Sure, naturally sometimes I feel bad. I don’t like anyone to be angry at me. But I felt downright astounded when she would come back to me later with most humble apologies, or I would see new attitudes in her emerge.

I am at the point where I don’t feel threatened at all by her riffs. Rather, I choose to feel fascinated at the wonder of someone freely revealing her psychological processes in public. I allow my thoughts and feelings to follow hers, and I grow through her growth.

Further, I have known Daria long distance for two years now, and I have seen tremendous growth in her!

In saying all this, I am hoping to see a long term friendship, between you and Daria, grow stronger and closer than ever.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:06pm
194: Radiant Rising says:

Euterpe – thank you for posting that! You know there is actually a book called “Slow Sex” by Nice Daedone. It’s about the female orgasm. I heard very good things about it.

Starla – How amazing your regiment looks! I feel inspired! I can understand that disconnect from the body. I have had the same issue all my life as well. My healer Arda told me that I really need to work on grounding exercises because I am NOT in my body at all. I also learned from my aerial yoga teacher a few months ago that I am the airy type, where I put more pressure on my joints rather than my muscles. I need grounding. I gotta start my workout plan again also!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:13pm
195: Radlove says:

Radiant Rising (& Starla),

188 – Wow, what beautiful words to Starla!

I second that! Starla, I have seen tremendous growth in you the past two years, also, and I meant to say that when I wrote the same about Daria.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:14pm
196: Radlove says:

Radiant Rising,

189 – Wow, that’s wonderful!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:15pm
197: Euterpe says:

296: Euterpe says:

I have some good news to report Sirens!!! I feel inspired!

This is about two clients of mine. They were living together with no commitment for a future. He was “just taking it day by day”. He said, he wasn’t sure if she was the one. She started noticing how much she wanted children and told him. He has two daughters with his ex-wife. She tried, getting him to commit in all kinds of “hinting” ways/ for instance, she got a kitten and tried to coax him through the kitten. However, at some point he’s just feels pressured, it has just become too much for him and he decides to move out and move back home with his folks (he is 36).

They continue to see each other though, but he’s pulling away in the relationship, he even went for one period when he didn’t call or contact her for over a month. She sent him a long email with all her thoughts etc., – nothing.

Well, when he finally called, more than a month later and they started seeing each other again, they just continued with all the bad habits as before. He kinda said he didn’t want more children, she kinda wasn’t getting that message. But she was feeling less happy and good about the situation she was in, but was trying not to rock the boat this time.

I started discovering Rori and I told her about Rori’s programs. She got some of the programs as well. She got stronger and she knew she really wanted a child even if it wasn’t with him. She asked for a time to talk/ They set the appointment. She told him, you know I love you very much…. and I really want to have a child, I don’t want to lose you, but if you really is not what you want too, I have to go. He said, he definitely, did not! She said, OK and then she added, (with softness) – don’t let me see you in a year or two from now with someone else’s baby – I’ll slit your tires.

So they both told me they broke it off for good.
It has been one month and 5 days with no contact between them and today, (this is the good news) she received a beautiful bouquet of flowers sent to her work with a card – ()name, I love you more than anything, having children is not a problem, I was just scared, I miss you and I love you so much. I want you if you will forgive me and have me back. Please forgive me for being so stupid….

She was at work and was so taken by surprise she broke down crying right there.

They are getting together tomorrow to discuss, so tonight guess what she is doing? She is preparing with the “love scripts” program I lent her since this has caught her so off guard she didn’t have this program yet.

He walked away. He said a definite, NO. It had been one month and 5 days with no communication! And now, he is pleading with her to accept him back with her conditions! And he wants them too and he wants her!

She stopped begging, convincing, trying to stay in touch. She let go of not “rocking the horse” and she got up on her horse took off and didn’t look back. Did she have some bad days? You bet she did. But she just stayed on her horse and trotted ahead. And now, he has come after her!

I feel so hopeful and I wanted to share it with all of you.

I love the “Scripts” program. It ties it all together- I think it is the best one yet.

Cheers,
Euterpe

Wednesday, 23 May 2012 @ 7:47pm

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:18pm
198: Starla says:

Euterpe 191 that feels really interesting to read, thanks for sharing.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:19pm
199: Radiant Rising says:

Thanks, Radlove! Like Daria said earlier…I feel jittery HAHAHA Wheeee!!!!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:19pm
200: Euterpe says:

Rori, these last two articles have been the best you’ve ever posted since I’ve been following. Thank you so much.

I feel seen.
I feel known
I feel safe

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:21pm
201: Starla says:

omg more good tidings posted by euterpe, that is a great story!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:22pm
202: Radlove says:

Euterpe,

Thanks for sharing! I love stories with happy endings! What a beautiful example of using Rori’s tools.

I WILL get this.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:22pm
203: Radlove says:

Radiant Rising,

199 – Smiles!! Ride your high, girl! Treasure pleasure!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:25pm
204: Radiant Rising says:

Lol thanks Radlove, I sure will.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 8:34pm
205: Euterpe says:

Thanks, Starla. I’m glad you felt it interesting. I had a good conversation on my FB page with some friends regarding the topic.

Also, Starla and Siren Song one thing that stood out to me as I was reading the blog about both of your guys and the current response they are having is how this looks so familiar. Isn’t this what women do all the time? We send these messages when we are in the turmoil of feeling we don’t have any control and we are desperately trying to get back some control so that we feel better. And I’m noticing how it is repulsing you towards these men. And I can see why Rori says this kind of thing doesn’t work.

Today, I had a friend who is a psychologist tell me that I should write a letter (not for Sergio, but for me, she said) how I feel about him and what I think about the situation we’re in… As one last effort to clear the air, just one last try at communicating “so I’d know I’d done everything I could” she said. And this was right after I told her the story about the”inspiring” couple I posted above! By the way she has a horrible track record with relationships.

Given the inspiring story of the couple and what I see in how turned off you sirens are by this – I want to “follow the course”.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:18pm
206: Euterpe says:

Starla says:

omg more good tidings posted by euterpe, that is a great story!

Thanks Starla!!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:20pm
207: Euterpe says:

202: Radlove says:

Euterpe,

Thanks for sharing! I love stories with happy endings! What a beautiful example of using Rori’s tools.

I WILL get this.

Radlove, your growth is touching my heart <3

Euterpe:)

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:22pm
208: Euterpe says:

Radiant Rising,

Thaaaanks for the book referral! I will pick up a copy!

The Yin-Yang Butterfly by Valentin Chu is a staple on my bookshelf.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:28pm
209: Radlove says:

Euterpe,

207 – thank you!!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:30pm
210: Radlove says:

Happy Birthday to Bob Dylan – 71!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:39pm
211: Radlove says:

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Lil girl feels happy to type the alphabet! It’s even more fun to write it in cursive.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:41pm
212: Starla says:

Reading this article makes me feel connected to the type of relationship I am looking for.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:48pm
213: Euterpe says:

Izzy Says -

This makes me inspired: “if I’m being a goddess warrior I just walk away and jump on my horse and ride off into the sunset and disappear into the graceful tropical palms.”

Awww, thanks Izzy.

I feel open……….I feel soft………..I feel like my horse

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:52pm
214: Euterpe says:

OOps – i feel like my horse has wings!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 9:53pm
215: Starla says:

another late night in my vortex
i feel grateful for everything that transpires, even (especially?) the ‘bad,’ because it brings me closer and closer to my true self. i bless everything and everyone.

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 10:33pm
216: Daria says:

ok so about intensity

i was feelin it

i got all tightened up about this on here

and when i went out with CD from here i was feeling all “not there”

kinda numb and spacy

i was feelin disappointed and sad inside

and i was feelin drained and tired

noticing

so i can love on my intensity and my shutdown

mmm

i love my intensity and shutdown

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:04pm
217: Daria says:

i might be feeling a lot of anger

im not sure!

what AM i feeling

well my mouth is like this

so i know im feeling sad…

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:05pm
218: Tereana says:

Alright. So it’s true. I’ll admit it. I put up walls. I have big, huge, massive, Wall-of-China type walls. They keep people out, and they keep me, IN. I get to go up on top of the wall and look out. I get to talk to people from up there. But nobody gets too close, and I don’t too close to anyone else. I feel safe here…

And yes, FINE – I am willing to entertain – no, I know that it’s true – that in fact, it is actually safer to NOT have walls. But all of me doesn’t know that yet. The part of me that built the wall doesn’t know it, and it’s protecting the wall.

Maybe I can relax. But right now, I don’t know.

It feels like there is something precious inside the wall. There is something sacred that really DOES need protecting – at least for right now. It is like a baby bird, or a baby plant. It is not quite ready to fly or blossom or flower yet.

But when it does, THEN, the walls will become obsolete. THEN, the walls will no longer be needed.

I love my walls. They may not be perfect. And they may not be the way YOU want me to be right now. And they may stand in the way of me being my best self all the time, 100%. But I need them right now. I don’t know why I need them. I just need them. I trust the process. And I know they will come down when they need to come down. And nobody needs to force it, not even me.

I feel relaxed when I think to myself that I don’t need to force myself to “take my walls down” if I’m not ready to do it. If it would hurt me more to do so than to leave them up.

I can still practice vulnerability, and feeling and sensuality from inside my walls. I can let a few people in, and see how that feels. But I always have the safety of the walls. And I can do that if I want to. There are infinite possibilities of the Universe. I feel indignant – don’t TELL me how to do it right FOR ME. My body knows what’s right. I am sick and tired of people telling me what is right and okay for me – especially when it is not. I am a special person. I need special things. This may be special and unique to me, and I choose this, right now. I choose to keep my walls up for as long as I want to, because it feels good. And I can let them be strong, and trust myself, and let them go when I need to.

So what I’m trying to say is – back off!!* lol

Thank you!

*p.s. addendum: btw, this is me yelling at my mum. Don’t take anything personally….

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:12pm
219: Tereana says:

Hm…I keep posting and not much response. Are these my walls? Am I keeping people out? Am I not willing to hear the response?

I wonder what would make it possible for me to hear and listen without feeling anxious and exposed and “att*cked”? I wonder what would make it possible for me to be open to the ideas and opinions of others on the blog without any judgment or qualifications? I wonder if I can release my expectations and be surprised by what the Universe decides to show me?

I know I am on my path. I trust the Universe to take care of me and shower me with love. I trust the people in my life to support me and lift me up. And I trust myself to know and follow what is best for me in any given moment…But most of all, I wonder if I can give up needing to be “right”? I wonder if there is a way I can release the need to be “right” without making myself “wrong…” I think I am going to sleep on it tonight.

Good night, lovelies! Sweet dreams!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:22pm
220: Jessie1000 says:

Tereana
It is easier to let down your walls if you still keep your boundaries. I am figuring this out.

When I refuse to text guys or go on last minute dates and I say no to Fu** Friends then I show them that they can come close to me but not walk all over me.

I can let my guard down because I dont put up with bullshit.

Its wierd–its like no one would let anyone in if they thought that the person was going to harm them. If you carry yourself and act on your feelings and stop people (men or woman) from taking advantage of you then you are much more able to be close to everyone.

Imagine if you had a child and you never said no to them. THey would soon be conditioned to do anything they wanted….scream, trash the house, have tantrums, even yell at you. And you would think being a mother sucked.

If you teach the child gently to respect you, your house, your feelings, then the child learns to love you, understand you, and that if they break your rules they will find themselves in time out. You will like your child, motherhood, and yourself so much more. YOu might want to have more children and the child will grow to love you not because you said YES! everytime to them but because they know that you respect your own boundaries and will be clear and guide them.

IN some ways, this is true about all human relationships. Dont accomodate anyone but your own feelings….do it gently in a kind manner and be loving to the people around you. Be firm and clear about what you need or want. Dont take friendship when you want marriage. Dont run around and do nice things for them, let them love you and give to you. Speak up when you are harmed and when you need things. Never say yes to anyone, no matter how close, if yes means harming yourself.

I am testing this out and Im seeing it more and more.

I broke up with my Beau. I feel pain. BUt less pain than accomodating someone and not taking care of my own needs. It doesnt really matter if it ended or not but it mattered that I respected my own mind and feelings first then the mans next.

I like your comments and Im listening to you. I read each and every comment on this blog and I learn from everyone.

Good night and sweet dreams too!

Thursday, 24 May 2012 @ 11:43pm
221: Radlove says:

I can’t sleep. I guess it is because I was hot. Trying to not think about R, but he is in almost every waking moment, and I feel like I spend my days trying to block out feelings of him. I feel so frustrated. I want to just be content and alive walking thru my days without him.

I read all the things here about not making one man so important, and yet there he is. Ugh! I am determined to reprogram myself to know that this particular prince fell of the horse and I tore my princess dress and I need to get a new view of relationships.

I guess it’s because he reached many places inside of me that no other human ever touched. But some of the stuff that surfaced, like this extreme neediness, was not so visible before and I feel embarrassed.

I feel thankful for the blog; the sirens; Rori; friends; TV; air conditioning; kittens; puppies; books; jobs.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:25am
222: Ella says:

Morning Sirens,

It is a beautiful, sunny morning here and I am looking forward to my day, and weekend ahead.

Feeling happy and peaceful.

xoxoxox

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:40am
223: Ella says:

Hey Radlove,

Not much time to chat but thought I’d say HI and turn all that focus back on you.

xoxox

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:45am
224: Radlove says:

Ella,

Good morning! Thank you, I will try to keep that focus on me and my own growth. Have a beautiful day!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:09am
225: Radlove says:

I was laying down, but I can’t sleep. This time everything I need to do was going thru my mind.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:10am
226: Tam says:

@ Radlove…
I know how that feels, and am struggling of turning the focus back to me. It works for some time and then I still feel the void. A void I am unable to fill with other people or things or hobbies, or even other men.
And my mind always wanders back to him and ‘will he be back’, even though I don’t want to think about it anymore and don’t want to hope. I know he’ll be back but not in the way I want, so what is the point in wasting any more feelings and thoughts?
I think the worst of it is that I know he has feelings for me too, and they are probably as strong as mine but his issues are so big that he just can’t take the last step, so he weasels in and out of my life, steps up (everytime more), steps down again – and I just want to break the cycle and say ‘go away’, but I can’t

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:11am
227: Daria says:

im feeling triggered

TRIGGGERED

i feel ‘like this guy shut me down’

but i dnot think he meant to

i also think he likes me

also , ive got 2 other guys “semi arguing – agreeing on boundaries with me”

tehy are the sexiest ones on my CD list, they always come back and have been very unavailable

THEY CONTACTED ME!

and are AT ME!

like wild dongs

dogs

or dongs

and arguimg w me

shaking my pedesta
l

wanting me to prove that love is real and that a real woman exists

and all i have to do is tell it to myself

yay

i am her!

omg

this guy tonite was DREAMY

i want to tell you guys about it

youg uys i was ready to have sex w mhim?!!!!

flordia weather is making me feel very turned on1

woooooohohhhhoooo

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:40am
228: Daria says:

what if he thinks im a hooker?>>?

:0

he wont like me anymore

or he wont klike me when he finds out im NOT a hookjer

and im RICH
hell hate me

wow ummm i thought i was over this nvs

how embarassing

im embarassing to be rich

i have to explain to yall why its ok for me to be rich cuz i earned it with suffering early in life

wow!

*THATS A CONFLICT* as margaret lynch would say

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:43am
229: Vi says:

I’ve just understood how scared I am thinking that people can get angry at me…
I am remembering yesterdays litl confusion and I am getting aware of the fear I have…
I feel terrified… I feel panic. It feels so scary.. I feel mortified …
I feel like running and hiding somewhere .. I feel my shoulders going up.. I love my shoulders and I love my fear..
I feel I am getting more comfortable with anger now… I feel a lil bit more relaxed…
I would like to honor and respect anger like any other feeling.. Now I feel I am scared of feelings IN GENERAL… except sadness and fear…
it feels so true.. I feel my eyes widely open.. I feel like they are going to cuff me…
I feel like there is no way out… I feel overwhelmed… I feel taken aback.
I love my fear.. I love my fear of feelings.. I forgive myself for feeling afraid of feelings and feeling feelings… babysteps…
I love myself… ((((((((((((((((((((((me))))))))))))))))))))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:43am
230: Daria says:

sexy cd said he doesnt want to keep looking at me he thinks hes falling in love with me

and he closed the IM

i feel flattered and scared and offbalance and in ecstasy

i LOVE this lol

thisi s my ‘addiction? or am i just beating myself up by calling it that

it just feels good lol

that he said that haha

yeah1

i love it when guys say that and he did

yeeeeeee

go dee go

the other guy is so fine too

hes yelaling at me that he wants to fly me back

no wait

thats sexy cd

he wants to fly me back

the other guy just wantes to either come here or me go to him

and me to call him

al ot

like a feamle lion he thinks she hunts men well no buddy

i know how this game goes

they are both just showing me dumbass (a lot of) attention

i am defeinitely ‘their’ type lol

hahahhahahaah

i win

win!

me win

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:48am
231: Tam says:

@ Daria…be happy to be rich, it’s not something anyone with any sense would ‘hate’ you for.
Some people are poor, others are not – doesn’t mean one should hate them or like them for either being one or the other?
The daily struggle for money is a pain, and restricts what I can do very much. I am super happy for you that you don’t have that particular pain and hope you’ll enjoy it as much as you can.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:50am
232: Daria says:

‘i ruined it’

that feels sad

umf

i cant ruin it

ouch

freakazoidals

urrrrrh

purrrrrrh

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:16am
233: Daria says:

Daria – teaching lil boys to lik pusdy since ’87

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:28am
234: Daria says:

The finest Best guy just came over here and kicked it. Just cuz I put my intention

Oh my god

But the i felt horrified NAND sad when he said ‘ima busy man’ when I asked Him to take me

I feel so harassed

I’m nearing myself up

It was adorable how I asked

He just doesn’t wana take me haha

Cuz he does t think it wd wrk put to take me to a strip club

Awww

I feel glad I wrote about this
I feel Reluef!!!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:32am
235: Femininewoman says:

When you realize that by changing your perspective, big things can be seen as little things, it becomes much harder to worry about anything.
Actually, it becomes impossible.
Funky cold medina,
The Universe

Thoughts become things… choose the good ones! ®
© http://www.tut.com ®

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 4:49am
236: April Rose says:

Jessie

“I broke up with my Beau. I feel pain. BUt less pain than accomodating someone and not taking care of my own needs. It doesnt really matter if it ended or not but it mattered that I respected my own mind and feelings first then the mans next.”

I feel so soothed reading this. I feel I have a sister who feels the same as me.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 4:57am
237: iris says:

it is every word, emotion, characteristics, and feelings there is in love..i super like it. thanks for posting.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 4:58am
238: April Rose says:

I broke up with WM. I feel his pain first, then mine. I feel frantic – I must reverse the decision….aaargh…

Then I remember how free and happy I feel having taken this detachment from him.

I can now circular date in a ‘cleaner’ way energetically.

He is free to ask me on dates, I have said this.

He said his pride may not let him.

I feel curious to see if he will step up to it. If not, my decision holds true.
And, if he does step up to claim me, I will have revealed a greater desire in him for me. And that will feel good.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 4:59am
239: Dominique says:

Ella – #132 – Yes…You understand. Now as you say it’s about trusting yourself and also feeling okay with yourself even if you do allow a situation which turns out not to feel so great.

Often it has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with you in that moment, how you feel physically shifts your thoughts much more than you may realize. If you have a cramp or a headache, the tendency is to entertain more of the bad feeling thoughts.

xxoo

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 5:29am
240: April Rose says:

It felt so good to hear Cherry Norris say the following in her video “How to juggle more than one Man”

“The more men you date, the more choices you have. More men keeps you from going prematurely monogamous, and helps you learn what you like and what you don’t like about men much faster”.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 5:32am
241: Dominique says:

Receiving Girl – # 173 – Try crushing your pills in a mortar and pestle and dissolve in juice or anything that tastes good to mask the nasty pill flavor.

xxoo

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 5:37am
242: April Rose says:

If I look back on my relationships (there have been about 7 or 8 of a few years each), I feel silly.

Serial monogamy!!!
(yes, Cherry, I went prematurely monogamous every time)

THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN DATES!!!! Not relationships!!!

Ha ha haaa. Laughing long now.

I do feel grateful that I am seeing this big A HAAAA

and I am still young and have time. Yay!!!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 5:37am
243: April Rose says:

I’m keeping an open heart here….breathe….. whilst feeling shocked and like I’ve been struck a blow to the stomach.

Just had a text from a man (a gay man in fact) who sells and alters vintage dresses.

I’ll write the text exchange:

Him: Hope it arrived okay x. (He was referring to a gorgeous turquoise silk dress he was shortening for me – we’d agreed knee length. It arrived and was a mini.)

Me: The dress arrived today! Thanks for sending it. I feel a bit shocked cos it is shorter than I was expecting. I’d like to feel confident to wear it, tho’. It fits very nicely. Thank you xxx

Him: Well I did it 2 the measurements & I’ve been doing this 4 20yrs so it will not be from my end, maybe u have grown x x

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 5:46am
244: April Rose says:

I don’t know what to reply.
I don’t want to make him wrong. But I do feel like crying about the dress.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 5:48am
245: Siren Angel says:

Feeling very triggered this morning. He wants me to decide if we should go away this weekend. I told him it would feel nice… I don’t know what to do… I don’t want to make the plan and make the decision.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:20am
246: Siren Angel says:

(((April Rose))) that must feel awful.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:21am
247: Siren Angel says:

And my NV has been very active this week (I’m menstrutating). I feel yucky. I don’t know what to say more about the weekend…

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:22am
248: Siren Angel says:

I’m feeling a little awry and cranky and very indecisive. I want to feel safe and happy and taken care of.

I intend to feel taken care of and loved and cherished deeply.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:27am
249: Radlove says:

Tam,

226 – Thank you, sounds like you are going through the same thing.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:40am
250: Radlove says:

April Rose,

237 – That sounds healthy and strong.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:47am
251: Radlove says:

April Rose,

241 – “Serial monogamy!!!
(yes, Cherry, I went prematurely monogamous every time)

THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN DATES!!!! Not relationships!!!

Ha ha haaa. Laughing long now.”

I feel happy for you that you are able to laugh about it. I feel scared, because I still feel tempted to pursue monogamy. I feel too needy and weak to handle CDing. there, I said it.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:49am
252: Emoticon says:

subscribing*

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:49am
253: Emoticon says:

OMG April Rose, his response sounds a bit defensive to me.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:51am
254: Radlove says:

April Rose,

242 – What length had you agreed on? Sorry to hear that. Could it be made right by adding a length of lacy stuff?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:56am
255: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

244 – I feel confused…what is wrong with saying yes?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:58am
256: siren song says:

i feel so good today!

i have a date after work, then a video shoot, then my own housewarming party saturday. guy who loves me tried to invite himself, but i told him i felt weird about everything and that i won’t be in contact with him until things feel better between us.

yay

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:04am
257: siren song says:

also, i’ve been reading some of paul dobransky’s stuff and listening to his teleseminars. he talks about the need for boundaries for commitment.

i grew up with two alchoholics. i didn’t learn a lot about boundaries and saying no (to self or others). I have always sort of frozen when unacceptable stuff happens.

looking back at guy who loves me, he didn’t really respect my (likely weak) boundaries and he didn’t have good boundaries himself.

that’s what i’m going to focus on, learning to say no and walk away for unacceptable behaviour.

calling me ‘lame’ and tell me to F off were uancceptable. ranting at me for hours is unacceptable. i am glad i walked away. it’s not my job to facilitate his emotional expression. not in this way.

i was just rereading rori’s article about unearthing a man’s anger. she says ‘you don’t want to be with a man who is constantly berating you or withdrawing from you where you have to be the one always “changing”’

this was the case with us. it was not even like 30% of the time…it was almost constant when we were alone by the end.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:14am
258: Femininewoman says:

Siren Song I feel confused about “until things feel better between us”. I understand you will not be contacting him. Have you committed to allowing him back in if he upgrades himself? Does he know that? Are you both on the same page as far as dealbreakers go? Has he agreed to stay in touch?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:18am
259: Radlove says:

Siren Song,

256 – Good for you!! I want to work more with holding and setting and respecting boundaries. I, also, was raised without firm boundaries. If someone sets a boundary, it’s like my instant job to test it. I want to heal that.

Let’s go, Team Strong, Healthy Boundaries!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:29am
260: siren song says:

i have committed to allowing him back if he gets the anger under control and he is open to me dating other men until we are engaged. he’s just not open to that.

in fact the two last texts he sent were: ‘why stay in touch? so you can tell me about the other man you are going to marry?’ and ‘i remember going to the pixies concert. i loved it so much with your head against my chest’.

that’s essense of our relationship: he won’t really move forward and claim me, but he loves me.

i really just need to start focusing on cd again.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:34am
261: siren song says:

i also feel so turned off by him telling me i didn’t ‘give’ enough to him. ew

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:37am
262: Femininewoman says:

Siren Song I am sure this processing is helping you to become clear about yourself, what you want in your life and your non-negotiables. Thanks for sharing.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:44am
263: Jessie1000 says:

April Rose! Wear the dress! Wear no underwear!
If you really cant, then tell him you need another and send it back.
BUT dont send it back because your afraid of attention!
Get some!
It feels good! Look sexy! Be sexy!
Have different personas, guys love it if you look different every time you see them.
I have a very librarian look, dress pants, dress shirt, small glasses,straightened hair.
I wear it for first dates.
Next date, if I like them, I dress it up!
I wear a short dress, very high heels and my hair all in curls!
Next date, I wear tight jeans and alot of jewellery with my hair in a updo…work that updo….have you seen that link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DW–7ZmXrXo

I never let them see me dressed the same way.

My Beau used to say I was Jessy Spice cause I was always looking new.
Sometimes I just wear shorts and Tshirt and a cotton bra and only a tiny make up….and all ways make them wondering!

Its like showing your many layers with different ways you dress!

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time!

But dont be scared to ask for what you need….even if they say no. Let them see your feelings and let them show you who you are and decide how to handle you….If he cares about you as a customer, he will make you happy.
If he doesnt, find a new dresser lol

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:45am
264: Femininewoman says:

Cdating will help you get a better sense of yourself, grow your opinion of yourself and shift your vibe, is what I have learned from Rori.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:47am
265: siren song says:

thanks for your comments, FW!

i really really really don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who can’t keep his commitments (the counselling), who has serious boundary issues and who isn’t psyched to marry me.

i am good enough to marry the way i am. i don’t need to change and become more giving so guy who loves me will give me a ring.

wow. this is the truth!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:49am
266: Radlove says:

Jessie,

262 – LOL, love it!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:52am
267: Femininewoman says:

Yayyy siren song I feel so reassured by your strength and confidence.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:55am
268: siren song says:

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:56am
269: Jessie1000 says:

Euterpe
Im so in with the slow sex movement!
Number 1 member, I just joined the club!

Why rush when you can wait
Why not talk and when the heat builds up then take off your clothes

Why not warm each other with your brains, your company, your food…some of these things are more erotic than getting drunk and screwing…lol

When it happens then, its like fire and oil

Its soo good that you can just lay there and do nothing and they will love it …cause they caught you

its all about the chase ….them chasing you and not anything to do with skills, bjs, or lingerie.

Let them work for it. Make them have to work to deserve you.

Be fussy and deliberate about who you want to hook up with cause our body is a temple that should be worshipped not desecrated!!!

Kisses Euterpe
I love it, and its not that Im against anything else and any way that a woman uses or expresses her sexuality…its just this option is less gratifying instantly and more gratifying in the long term….if thats what you are looking for (I am)

However, I do suggest that if you have been in a long term RRR. and he treated you bad and you need to break out of his spelll…break the seal with someone else….cause it will remove the feeling that you belong to him and thats OK….
Breaking the seal lol is often a pivotal place for moving on!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:57am
270: siren song says:

it feels really awesome to claim marriage as something i want and am worthy of.

guy who loves me needs me to ‘give’ so i can ‘take’ him? hell no.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:00am
271: April Rose says:

I replied,

“I thought we were staying below the knee! But this short look may be just the thing I need to make me feel like a sexy kitten …. meeow xx”

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:01am
272: Mel says:

Awww…

So last night, when I went over, Mr A had grilled a delicious dinner, bought me flowers, and a picked up a special dessert just for me. He said: “I wanted to take care of my butterfly…” I feel lucky. Being taken care of feels nice.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:01am
273: Jessie1000 says:

Siren song!
The takers are such bad news….they are just users and mooches in disguise.
If a guy likes you and you can just be yourself without any giving or accomodating….what a life you would have as a marriage!
You could laugh with him cause he likes your personality not what you do for him.
You could grow old with him and he would still feel the same for you as he did when you first met.
You could pass away in his arms and he would cry at your funeral at your ripe old ages and you would be buried in peace knowing you were genuinely loved for your whole life.

Takers book when you get sick
Takers book when you have hard times.
Takers send you to your mothers funeral and tell you to give me a call if you get upset.
Takers leave when the going gets rough.
Takers fall in love with aesthetics because they thought you were always going to be Hot and look good and not because they knew you and your whole soul.
Takers dont appreciate because they need someone to harm themselves in order to feel good about themselves.
Takers will make you raise your kids yourself.
Takers will eventually leave.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:08am
274: Radlove says:

Jessie,

268 – I love how you expressed that, and I agree 100%! I think you could submit that as an article to Cosmopolitan! And in the sentence about bjs, you could add “pjs”, too!

“its all about the chase ….them chasing you and not anything to do with skills, bjs, pjs, or lingerie.”

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:11am
275: Radlove says:

Mel,

271 – Beautiful! Happy for you!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:13am
276: Radlove says:

Jessie,

272 – Another publishable article! Beautifully said! Right on! You’re on a roll today, girl!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:15am
277: April Rose says:

Jessie,

I couldn’t connect to the link you gave. Was it about updo’s? I’d so love to put my hair up but don’t know where to start.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:28am
278: Emerson says:

Hello Sirens

Siren Song and Jessie
Interesting what you are saying about “takers”….
I have just skimmed through posts but I see what you’re saying and it’s striking home with me because I’ve been a lil disappointed” with OrangeCrushCD.

Well apparently his first proposition to “make a deal” and trade a date for me teachign him something is an indicator of his way of relating….

We talked on the phone and I told him I felt impressed he is bilingual and told him it would feel great if he could teach me a lil bit of his language and he specifically said this “Then you have to do something for me if I do that right?” I paused before I answered and I said “probably not” and then I proceeded to get off the phone. And the conversation was kind of like that a few other times too….like oh why don’t you let me know if you want to invite me to do this or that anytime let me know….(what?? I’m not inviting a man!) or….
Oh you can do this for me if I do that for you….

I hung up the phone feeling totally turned off and really don’t care if I talk to him for a while.

I also don’t like talking on the phone too much.

I feel a little frustrated and turned off and disappointed after that kind of a conversation.

Help. I am rethinking my quality of men that I’m attracting. Maybe I should aim for MUCH older than me??? I don’t know anymore.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:29am
279: siren song says:

jessie,

yeah, i was pretty giving…we just naturally are as women. hell, i just wanted to be with him with a sense of security.

i wonder what it would be like to be with someone who just straight-up loved me and wanted to make me happy who was still exciting. that’s what i want.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:34am
280: Emerson says:

I can’t relate to this article at all as Ive never had this problem with a man but it’s good to know and good info in case I ever need it. It’s interesting and I would feel really worried and scared if that happened to me witha man but it had not happened to him before!!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:35am
281: siren song says:

emerson, yeah, that feels weird

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:36am
282: April Rose says:

Radlove

“I feel happy for you that you are able to laugh about it. I feel scared, because I still feel tempted to pursue monogamy. I feel too needy and weak to handle CDing. there, I said it.”

CDing will lead you to find your best monogamous match. It’s fine to go into it feeling all your feelings (including needy/weak). Whatever happens, you will handle it.

And, as Femininewoman says,

“Cdating will help you get a better sense of yourself, grow your opinion of yourself and shift your vibe…”

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:36am
283: April Rose says:

Emerson,

He gave you a perfect opportunity to express a boundary
(Yeah, I know, easy for me to say that to you now, but not so easy to come up with it in the moment!)

Somethin along the lines of …. “I don’t want romance to be about trade-offs. As a woman I feel happiest when I can freely receive a man’s attention/gifts without him expecting anything in return.”

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:44am
284: Lucy says:

I love this article – it really expands our limited ideas about sexuality – it’s true that in our culture so many aspects of our bodies and our sexuality are not honored. Thanks for sharing this with us, Rori. It’s really beautiful!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:47am
285: Starla says:

There are a lot of conflicts right now with the people in my life that I never felt fully comfortable about, and I knew this would happen as I get more and more aligned with myself. I have been a slave to maintaining relationships with people that don’t always feel good, just because I thought it was what I should do to be a good friend. Or what I should do so as not to squander the relationships I have, given that I don’t have a lot of close friends or family.

I feel guilty for all the things these people have given me, and that it wasn’t enough to stop me from disconnecting from them.

And I feel scared that I’m distancing myself from these people because I have a psychological issue with intimacy, though my therapist isn’t worried.

But I think that’s my NVs.

I just feel like a bad person.

But I think life would be better without these dysfunctional, unhealthy feeling friendships.

I unfriended a lot of people or unsubscribed from them on my facebook feed. I feel lighter. There is so much negativity and anxiety emanating from my facebook feed. I put that fire out finally.

My old friend who dumped me as a friend cuz I wouldn’t talk to him while I was grieving my friend’s su(cide, since he was saying it wasn’t important (grr), is now back in contact with me and trying to take me on trips to make it up to me or out to fancy meals… I said no, that we could catch up over coffee one of these days. That’s it.

I feel terrified to burn bridges but I know in my soul I must be brave and make room for something better.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:53am
286: Emoticon says:

Jessie ur so right about that….. guys love it when u change ur look….. i LOVE changing my look, cuz i like role play AND i have multiple personlities…. sometimes im an innocent little girl…. sometimes im a kitten…. most of the time im Josephine Baker reincarnated (i truly believe that for multiple reasons, people have also said that I remind them of her), sometimes im a character that escaped straight from desperate housewives…. sometimes i escaped straight from gossip girl….. and in extreme cases…. i feel like i escaped straight from the bad girls club!

I change my hair all the time. I had brown curly hair with gold streaks last time most CDs saw me…. when one CD saw me last weekend he was like “SO THATS WHAT U DO? U JUST HAVE RED HAIR NOW? HOW COME YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?” heehee…… i giggled and said, “I would have loved for you to know but we havent seen each other till now. I love this red hair though”

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:11am
287: Emoticon says:

Those of u on the FB page may kno that my day started out badly…. i woke up angry and that felt bad. I can copy the story onto the blog.

I am happy to report that my day has gotten way better

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:17am
288: Lucy says:

Emerson- yeah, that stood out to me also – that it was happening with her (woman in article) but never had before for him (hopefully he is being honest with her). It actually sounds like a couple I know a little and I’m wondering if it could actually be them! (longshot I know) If so, she is a good bit older than he is and she is somewhat “mothering” toward him, which he loves, but maybe would affect him sexually.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:19am
289: Emoticon says:

I woke up from a dream this morning feeling so angry. It was one of many dreams i’ve had about a cd and his ex and we were all in a crazy love triangle that began a year ago. It was my worse romantic experience ever and i woke up so angry i could tear the sheets. In the dream we lived together and he allowed her to come spend some time and she kept ridiculing me and he seemed okay with that so i started being a bitch to her because i was mad at both of them. Don’t know if these feelings are coming back because this is when it all started last year or because 2 days ago i saw something on facebook that reminded me of it and i started acting closed off with him. When i opened up and told him he was sympathetic but we haven’t talked since. Im just leaning back and trying to deal with this anger

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:20am
290: Radlove says:

Starla,

284 – Sometimes I feel a need for everyone’s approval in order to feel good about myself. It’s hard to feel steady inside when we didn’t come from a stable, loving family.

But I believe the answer is unconditional, unfailing love.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:21am
291: Emoticon says:

whoops….. it went into moderation cuz of the B word…. well here’s how my morning started (copied from FB page)

I woke up from a dream this morning feeling so angry. It was one of many dreams i’ve had about a cd and his ex and we were all in a crazy love triangle that began a year ago. It was my worse romantic experience ever and i woke up so angry i could tear the sheets. In the dream we lived together and he allowed her to come spend some time and she kept ridiculing me and he seemed okay with that so i started being a b*tch to her because i was mad at both of them. Don’t know if these feelings are coming back because this is when it all started last year or because 2 days ago i saw something on facebook that reminded me of it and i started acting closed off with him. When i opened up and told him he was sympathetic but we haven’t talked since. Im just leaning back and trying to deal with this anger

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:21am
292: Starla says:

Unfortunately, one of my friends I’d like to distance myself from is recovering from emergency surgery. His appendix had grown very large and The doctors had to remove some of his surrounding tissues to get it out. The thing is, the friendship had been on the rocks for a while. While he was in the hospital, I was very kind and concerned, but now he’s recovering and being a succubus again. He has always been a pity-case (pardon my harsh words) about his physical well-being, and it’s just constant complaining about his physical and emotional state for months and months now (but he just had his appendix out a couple weeks ago). So today when he was complaining that he didn’t want to take his opiated Tylenols anymore, but he was in pain when he took no pain meds, I suggested he take plain Tylenols. Of course, he had a million and one reasons why he couldn’t do that (illogical, wtf). Then he got upset with me. I asked him to leave me alone for a while and he said okay. Now he is emailing me about how he is going to the hospital because his wounds are bleeding, blah blah blah… I KNOW I sound like a heartless b*tch, but I don’t care. He is recovering at his mom’s house and has his whole family there and doesn’t need to suck *me* dry like this, or reference his physical ailments whenever I get upset, and honestly half the time he says he is going to the doctor or the hospital, I don’t think he actually goes.

And sometimes he talks about his sex life and sexual urges and I don’t want to hear about it, and I tell him that, but I still have to speak up about it sometimes! And I know he will say to me that he’s done so much for me (he has, although he holds it over my head even though I didn’t ask him for any of it) and that I’m an awful b*tch for not wanting to be a part of his life right now.

Oh well.

He owns my domain name, so hopefully he doesn’t freak out and have it redirect to bestiality p0rn or something lol

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:25am
293: Radlove says:

Emoticon,

285 – Haha! That’s fun to change your look, and I like how you handled the CD who hadn’t spent time with you recently!

My therapist told me a while back I’m a mood dresser. She was tuned in to what I was wearing, my hair, whether or not I wore makeup. And I realized it was true…when I’m in depression, I dress poorly. When I am feeling good about life, I take time to dress nicely.

I like different looks, too, especially when I’m slender. I get a kick out of people’s surprise when they get a glimpse of my complex inner self…that I’m not one dimensional.

At my current size, I mostly dress to look slenderizing and youthful. So my favorite look is a tank top under a sheer, feminine blouse over black jeans.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:26am
294: Radlove says:

Starla

290 – succubus – “In folklore traced back to medieval legend, a succubus (plural succubi) is a female de*mon appearing in dreams who takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual intercourse. The male counterpart is the incubus. Religious traditions hold that repeated intercourse with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death.

“In modern fictional representations, a succubus may or may not appear in dreams and is often depicted as a highly attractive seductress or enchantress; whereas, in the past, succubi were generally depicted as frightening and de*monic.”

~ Wikipedia

I wonder if this is this what you meant to say?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:30am
295: Emoticon says:

Starla…. WOW…. no offense to your friend but that sounds annoying. I dont blame you at all for asking him to leave u alone.

The visual I got reading your story is the same one i got in the beginning of Rori’s ebook… where ur holding onto your man’s shirt and he’s trying to get away….. I would imagine myself feeling like the man in that situation. with a sickly hand just pulling on my shirt like wtf, chill……

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:33am
296: Emoticon says:

Radlove…… yep moods can affect the way u dress and ALSO the other way around. I find that when im depressed getting my nails done and wearing pink or yellow makes me feel a little more optimistic, especially with all the male attention it brings lol

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:35am
297: Radlove says:

Emoticon,

294 – Yes! Sometimes I intentionally get dressed up when I’m feeling down, and then the mood follows.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:50am
298: Starla says:

Maybe I am just anti-social and don’t like people as much as I thought I did.

I dunno, I like the positive people:) but i get the sense the most positive people i socialize with don’t socialize with ME as much as they might because I’M negative at times. haha.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:16am
299: Starla says:

I am guilty as my ‘negative’ friends at being negative. We end up having these friendships where all we do is vent to each other, or relay every little thought through text message. It feels overwhelming and unhealthy and like there are no boundaries, omg i DO NOT like this.

I don’t want to be a ruminating friend. I feel addicted to venting and ruminating and sharing, but I know it’s not healthy and I need to make friends with my own inner voices and personality, instead of sharing them with other people so I don’t have to be alone with them.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:24am
300: April Rose says:

I like my ‘accidental mini dress’ so much I went to the thrift store and bought another one!

Watch out world. April Rose’s gorgeous legs are comin’ out……

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:26am
301: lk says:

wow……

i feel…. Delicious today. i really cracked myself open yesterday & it felt………. SO SCARY : )) ummm & …. very near to Total Destruction….. & i really got to say & hear everything i wanted….. & i feel so so full of love…. & also, peace & playfulness : )

go go ! this is good : )

i had these visions of things i needed to be doing… & they all seemed like i had to Leave CD’s House…………….. but….. after agonizing silently about it…… getting sadder….more & more disconnected…. i broke open once….. not enough………….then again, & completely…. & he Fixed it !! & he showed me ways i can have my visions come true without Leaving….

feel happy : ))) (((((((((cd))))))))) ((((((((((((lk))))))))))))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:32am
302: April Rose says:

I feel nervous and excited to try a sexier, younger look.

It would be so outside my normal pattern.

Feeling a bit embarassed about wearing mini’s at age 44

Now I must create the confidence to carry it off.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:33am
303: lk says:

(((Starla))) thank you for letting me be a Negative Friend : ))))) i appreciate it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:35am
304: Emoticon says:

April Rose….. I read 14 not 44 heehee thats funny…. maybe thats a sign… i say WEAR IT….

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:35am
305: Starla says:

lk this is wonderful!!! yay thanks for sharing!!

(also, i feel jealous, hmph

glad to have the whole long holiday weekend to shower myself with mucho love:):))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:36am
306: April Rose says:

Thanks Emoticon,
I will.

And I do have fabulous legs!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:37am
307: Starla says:

lk, you are NOT a negative friend. I’m so sorry if the way I’m describing these people makes it sound like anything you say or do isn’t okay! You seem golden to me. ((((((((((lk)))))))))))))))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:39am
308: Emoticon says:

April Rose <3 share them with the world

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:39am
309: Rose says:

Yumm April Rose that feels exciting about your gorgeous shorter dress!! What sexy shoes are you wear with it?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:41am
310: ReceivingGirl says:

197: Euterpe

Such a wonderful, inspiring story. Thanks for sharing!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:49am
311: April Rose says:

I have some cute flat pumps that are sky blue with a lace pattern cut-out all around them.
Going to wear off-white tights. and then I want to add some chunky necklaces.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:50am
312: Starla says:

april rose, i feel really excited about your dress! you’re inspiring me! i intend to wear short dresses and skirts all weekend long now:)

I love my legs, woohoo.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:55am
313: ReceivingGirl says:

@240

Thank you for the suggestion, Dominique!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:04am
314: April Rose says:

Here is the complete text convo with my gay dresser (lol):

him: Hope it’s arrived ok x

me: It arrived today. Thanks for sending it. I feel shocked cos its shorter than I expected. I’d like to feel confident to wear it so short, tho. It fits very nicely. Thank you xx

him: Well I did it 2 the measurements and I’ve been doing this 4 20 years so it will not be from my end, maybe u have grown x x

me: I thought we were staying below the knee! but this short look may be just the thing I need to make me feel like a sexy kitten… meeeow xx

him: No love we’re doing fox 60′s chick with off white tights. X x

me: Sweet. i got some cute blue pumps to go with it. just need some bling now to complete the look x

him: Fabaroo x x

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:11am
315: lk says:

& i finished my box of cigarettes today & i am going to make it into a Universe Box : )))) how fun !! thank you, ladies for the fun suggestion : ))

starla, i didn’t think you were “talking about” Me : ) but i do share that feeling of unease with the Ruminating/Venting friendships……….. even though they are flipping Addictive !!! : ) & a good friend will of course let you vent/ruminate aloud if you need/want to : ))) …… : )

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:13am
316: lk says:

OMG april rose… why doesn’t someone dress me ?! …. i love it !!! i love how he just tells you what’s up & that you’re going to be fabulous : )))))) sounds HOT : )))))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:15am
317: Starla says:

i have some good long-term friendships that naturally have an easy balance of ruminating/being in the present moment. One of them, though, we don’t hang out very much… i think because i’m a negative nancy and he’s just not on that level 99.9999 percent of the time, and can’t handle toooo much of me hehe.

I also have a lot of “influential” friends but I feel so much pressure when I hang out with them, because they’re powerful people!

I intend to have ease and positivity in my social life.

I know the first step is finding ease and positivity in my inner life:)

I am not broken and everything is gonna be gooood

(((((((starla))))))))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:17am
318: Femininewoman says:

April Rose think Tina Turner.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:21am
319: ReceivingGirl says:

I felt happy to receive a “Good morning have a good Friday!” text from Mr. Observant this morning. He sent it right when he knows I’m waking up. I’m really looking forward to seeing him this weekend.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:21am
320: ReceivingGirl says:

April Rose, the dress sounds hot You go girl!!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:22am
321: Daria says:

” good friend will of course let you vent/ruminate aloud if you need/want to”

i guess ima ‘ bad friend’ – i feel pist – but i dont like that

i dont want anybody ruminating to me and saying shit that feels bad to me and putting other people down and complaining

i dont want to listen to it

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:27am
322: Starla says:

lk i want to make a universe box. I still haven’t! I could make it out of the pretty origami paper i have at home:)

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:27am
323: Daria says:

sooooo i shouldnt’ chase the sexy man right>?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:29am
324: Emoticon says:

OMG…. I just went on my friend’s wedding website and the music made me WANT TO SCREAM….. I love romantic music but this one was just….. sigh…. it was like an unpopular 90′s love song wit a male group, that sounded okay but it didnt make me feel lovey-dovey…. i jus felt… like ahhhhh arghhh

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:35am
325: Daria says:

Emoticon – oooh i love Josephine Baker!!!

i read a whole biography of her weeeeeee thats feels so awesome that you feel that you are her reincarnated omg!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:38am
326: ReceivingGirl says:

I feel like buy new sandals for my date.

Daria, right, don’t chase sexy man…make him chase you ;P

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:39am
327: April Rose says:

Daria – are you contemplating leaning forward?

I feel surprised

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:40am
328: lk says:

daria, lol : ) i don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or impatient with me : )

i feel amused because i keep checking to see if you’ve responded to my Venting Email & you haven’t & now i feel more clear on why : ) & even at the time, i knew that you would not “Agree” with a lot of the ish i was “spewing” LOL… & actually considered sending an email saying something to you like, “oh, daria – now i feel a little silly because i know what you Believe about a lot of things & usually I Agree with you & actually in this ‘venting’ email, i do not ‘agree’ with myself in most ways”

this “not agreeing with myself” feeling comes from trying to write a story where i can “control the outcome” & feel like it “makes sense”

(((lk))) (((daria))) : )

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:41am
329: lk says:

daria, do what you want : )

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:42am
330: Femininewoman says:

Daria I feel uncomfortable with the image “chasing” conjure up in my mind.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:49am
331: Emoticon says:

Daria thanx

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:57am
332: Rose says:

Love it April, you hot 60s chick, you I feel inspired too, now I am really excited picking up 2 dresses tonight that I had shortened and fitted yay!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:01pm
333: Starla says:

tomorrow i’m going to put on my 400 dollar cowgirl boots that i have yet to wear and walk down to the grocery store or something. I feel so scared to wear them! Like how dare I wear something so catchy and expensive and over the top.

but I must face my fears! hehe

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:04pm
334: Radlove says:

April Rose,

298 – “I like my ‘accidental mini dress’ so much I went to the thrift store and bought another one!”

Haha! You go girl! Glad you like it afterall!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:07pm
335: Emoticon says:

April Rose, maybe u will break out some short shorts 4 the summer

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:22pm
336: Radlove says:

April Rose,

300 – Just think like a rockstar! There’s nothing wrong with flaunting it at age 44! I see people like Suzanne Somers and Jane Fonda and others who are rockin it at 60, 70, even Betty White at what? 80?

Walk tall, baby!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:23pm
337: ReceivingGirl says:

All this talk about short shorts and short sexy dresses makes me think how I need to start working out again. I was doing really good, but this past month has found me doing nothing. I hope after my vacation next week, my flare will be over and I will have more energy to start it up again.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:24pm
338: Emoticon says:

Receiving girl…. i wanna see u in short shorts too….. SHORT SHORTS PARTY ON SIREN ISLAND….. i puttin my chicken legs out

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:30pm
339: ReceivingGirl says:

@336 Emoticon

I have no problem wearing short shorts if I’m in heels and I don’t sit down! ;P

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:35pm
340: Emoticon says:

RG goooood…. so u will be dancing all night

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:41pm
341: lk says:

ooooooh weeeee : )

ok i just “got” something LOL & i find it pretty funny…

so, rori says, “i am enough,” is a good mantra….. i kept getting tripped out by it …. like… oh, lk you’re delusional. you’re all a bunch of delusional, fat women (idk…lol…. anywayz)…

but i GET IT now (i think) or at least, i get what is True about it for me… like, ” *I* am enough ”

like, not just “enough” For Him (Lame.)… just… Enough : )

& it can be re-stated in a million ways every time *i* feel an insecurity or fear….

*i* am __anything!__ enough : )

i am pretty enough, i am sweet enough, i am empathetic enough, i am humble enough, i am fiscally-savvy enough, i am energized enough

: )))) i really am : ) i really am enough : ) i am INFINITELY enough : ))) really love it : ) really feeling good about all of this : )

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:48pm
342: Jessie1000 says:

I went to the five year relationship…its a movie about a couple who keep putting off their wedding because they havent worked out all their problems perfectly.

But, the guy moves for her to do her post doc and he loves her.

I wish Old News had done that for me. He sucks. I felt happy and sad during the movie cause its not too often you see men making sacrifices for the woman.

Usually its the woman going everywhere for the guy.
It was nice to see the opposite in this flick and there are many laughs too.

I think their issues though were real. IF I get a full time job and have to move again, who will come with me? Could I ever trust a man to want my career as much as his own?

I hope so.

Im still hopeful but also pretty realistic too that having the dream job doesnt mean marital success. In fact, it may mean alot of dating in my future and I better get good at it so I at least have some company until I can settle into one place.

I will get better at dating.

I will not be shy and give up.

I will enjoy the conversation and being taken out and forget about anything more.

I will play safe for now but not stay like a shut in if my Mr Forever is not going to be here in my town.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 12:53pm
343: Daria says:

thanks Tam!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:04pm
344: lk says:

2 more things… my boss is being super-supportive of me right now & it feels SHOCKING because he is normally Mr. Grumpy-Pants… but he’s all, “oh, when would feel good for your deadline to be ?” & “oh, think outside the box on this one” instead of his normal “i need it yesterday !” & ” don’t get carried away ! ” LOL : ) ((((((bossman)))))

& also that other lady is going WAYYYYYYYYY out of her way to be nice to me…. like…. forwarding useful information to me ( & not copying anyone on it LOL)… & trying to connect with me about her personal life : ))) feels sweet : )

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:05pm
345: Daria says:

help im pining over the guy who was here last nite!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:06pm
346: Starla says:

my boss is ornery again and I am learning not to internalize it, this feels so exciting:)

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:07pm
347: Daria says:

ach CD is teasing me about liking other guys and i feel GUILTY and also amused

ahh

i feel terrified too that terror that the guy is gonna throw a girly hissy fit and turn into a rude gay not attracted or being nice guy on me

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:07pm
348: Dominique says:

April Rose – #298 – Life can be so perfect. I feel delighted you kept yourself open to possibility.

xxoo

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:11pm
349: Daria says:

im wondering if CD is like spying on my computer or something lol

wtf

i hope not lol

he’s like making fun of me for hanging out with these guys i dont even know (how does he know i am doing that, i mean he may be reading my social network i dono but either way its not clear)

maybe hes reading the blog hehe

oh this feels triggering to me i choose to vote for me

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:13pm
350: Daria says:

its such a turn off when guys do this it feels so triggering to me

it triggers ‘unworthyiness’ issues and i get MOre turned off than necessary

its ok daria, they just like me thats all

theyre not gonan turn on me and call me bad names and rape me

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:15pm
351: Dominique says:

Starla – I want pictures. Let go of the cost fear, and just enjoy. This reminds me of women who never use their wedding china or crystal glasses or save them for special, and special never comes.

Every day is special. Wear your boots with pride and love.

Don’t forget pictures. Please….

xxoo

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:17pm
352: Jessie1000 says:

daria….he might watch your house. lol i had a wierdy that was seriously watching the house, checking when my car went out…he would always magically call just when i pulled out and ask me where I was going.

He was so creepy. I met him at a tim hortons and he was so hot and sexy but def. controlling and wierd.

He shut down everything I was doing. He was a joy killer. He told me his woman cheated on him and he had to be careful now. His controlling ways made me want to run run run.

But he was seriously the hottest guy that ever took me out. He was tall, all muscles, big brown eyes, and people would stop and turn around when we walked around anywhere.

Lol I was disappointed.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:17pm
353: Starla says:

dominique, okay, you’ll have your pictures. And of the desk I made, too!

The boots are sooo catchy. Anyone who walks/drives by me will notice them. Oh my, it’s gonna feel crazy! I’ll put on some dark sunglasses and go for it.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:21pm
354: lk says:

starla, i think grumpy men are cute : ) maybe that could help…. i do know that my boss doesn’t Love it when he is ranting & i’m smiling gently & even sometimes giggling if it gets bad : ) but i say, sorry… i do understand & it will get done : )

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:23pm
355: Rori Raye says:

Emoticon – You got triggered, you went back into the past, some survival instincts and rage got activated, and…it doesn’t mean anything. Just keep sinking in, CDing and doing what you’re doing and discovering how your anger and fear gets triggered. Free therapy. Love, Rori

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:29pm
356: Starla says:

this boss in particular has only been ornery to me a couple of times in years and years, so it’s easy not to internalize

the BigBoss, on the other hand… yikes. He’s not cute at all when he is ‘upset.’ We all just cringe. We call him “Dad” behind his back. The owners of the company jokingly call him “Tom the Tormentor” even to his face.

(((((((my company)))))))))))

eeeeeee i feel so excited for the weekend! I feel so motivated to get this work done and get the eff out of here! And to shave my legs for the first time in weeks and weeks so I can wear short skirts!

My legs are sooooo hairy. I feel sad to shave all that hair off. I grew it myself:(

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:29pm
357: Daria says:

Im feeling upset

CD is coming up w plans that feel bad, where my sleep schedule and comfort doesnt feel like a priority

and he’s constantly bringing up other guys and it feels bad

and im feeling bad and upset

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:44pm
358: lk says:

my boss is ALWAYS grumpy : ) so it’s easy for me not to internalize either : )))) but i DO feel Lucky & Excited when he is in a gentler mood : ) & also it usually means we have exciting or good news in the office : ))

starla, LOL @ tom the tormentor…. my boss is Notorious…. LOL i will go to a conference or industry party by myself & meeting people, they will say, “oh you work for Him ? ? ? ” & then they crack up laughing

LOL omg just as i was writing that, he stopped by my co-worker’s desk (who is on his 8th round – not joking – of an assignment he is trying to complete for Bossman………..) & my co-worker had just been like, “welp, i’m heading out for the day, we can keep trying this on Tuesday” & my boss came right over, intercepted him, & was like, “hey, buddy, you ride your bike here today ? no ? great, come into my office. i need you to do one more version of this before you go” LOL OMG i would freak out if i were him but he’s just doing it… lol… ((((humans))))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:46pm
359: Radlove says:

Daria,

Rori’s 355 – “…and discovering how your anger and fear gets triggered. Free therapy. Love, Rori”

That is what you do on the blog all the time. Beautiful discovering and processing!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:51pm
360: lk says:

ok, i give myself permission to come here & blog about my triggers & fear & sadness & anger : ) i love my processing & i want to feel valued by myself : )

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 1:54pm
361: Emoticon says:

@ Rori, thank you for responding to my post. It felt horrible waking up that way, I cried and went back to sleep and when i woke up again I decided to just let it go.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:05pm
362: Daria says:

wow im pist and feeilng upset

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:07pm
363: Radlove says:

Daria,

362 – What’s going on?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:18pm
364: Daria says:

so this guy goes on ‘put down rampages’ on im or text…

and i was feelin concerned about him doing it while i was here and me feeling trapped in his house

so i insisted on my own hotel room to be paid for 2 weeks (i hope it is paid for 2 weeks lol)

my tummy is turning and i feel quesy and naseaus

and now he DID just go on a rampage on text right now!

i didnt want to go on an overnight trip where i would be sleeping in his car all the way to a huge all day party

i dont like to miss sleep so that def doesnt work for me

hes gone crazy now texting me hella shit

i told him i feel bad and dont want to talk till it feels better

now i wrote back that this feels abusive to me and i dont want to tolerate being put down, and im feeling upset and shut down will feel open to talk wheni t feels better

go me!

yay

i feel glad im speak

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:19pm
365: Radlove says:

I like it that Rori understands we need to let it out; process; explore our inner stranger and inner lil girl. I love this blog. I love you ladies. I love Rori.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:21pm
366: lk says:

(((daria)))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:21pm
367: Sassy says:

I’m staying in “shut the world out” mode this weekend. I have to talk myself out of this funk. NV’s are SCREAMING at me.
JT went AWOL again and I’m back and forth between “hating” his behavior and just being ” oh we’ll, here we go again, la-Di-da…”
I hope the blog stays active all weekend so I can just read and hide my head in the sand.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:22pm
368: Radlove says:

Daria,

That sounds like a tuff situation. Are you safe?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:26pm
369: Starla says:

Sassy, what do you mean he went AWOL? what happened, girl?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:26pm
370: lk says:

it feels like i was holding this knot of energy in my stomach… where my diaphragm is….. & FINALLY today it is gone !!!! WOW …. & it comes back again, & i ask it how it’s doing & I greet it & give it a little love & go back to my business, & when it’s ready, i listen for a moment & i give it a big old cookie & a glass of milk & a hug & then.. it is gone WOOSH : ) hoorah : )

babysteps : )

(((lk))) you can say the scariest things ! i feel so proud of you little baby ! : ))) hugs for you, lots & lots

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:34pm
371: Daria says:

hehe thanks Radlove i feel all smily!!! weeee i really appreciate that omgosh feels so good

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:36pm
372: Daria says:

i feel very safe

im at the hotel, its a HUGE poppin weekend here with so many fly people out and IM fly and

i love me and im choosing to feel good

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:38pm
373: Daria says:

omgosh LK i did not read your venting email!

i feel so guilty not checking my email AACHK

i feel soooo excited to raed said email right now!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:41pm
374: Starla says:

yay i feel happy to see lk talking to herself like a sweet baby again! since i learned this from you and it’s been amazing for me to practice!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:46pm
375: Daria says:

lk your email feels anything other than negative or draining

it feels mysterious and fascinating and soft

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 2:47pm
376: Emoticon says:

I notice when i get the urge to text CDs or write on their FB wall i feel fear and automatically go to Starla’s FB page instead. I also made a list of things to do, to fight the urge to lean forward, and their are all saved on my cellphone so no matter where I am I can find one of these things to do. Sigh…. i feel relieved that I havent leaned forward 2day…. well except to one CD to ask what time th elibrary closes. So thats not really leany forward to me. Rori’s email yesterday said that we could ask questions that are not about the relationship. Then i 4got I asked him, so by the time he answered i had already found a solution to goin into the library today. I guess my lean back plan that my boy made is workingggg

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:07pm
377: Starla says:

Emoticon, I feel excited to be a resource hehehehe, i should post some fun stuff for you to find when you check in with my page on facebook:)

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:10pm
378: Emoticon says:

I notice something weird…. if i find out a guy is a free mason i feel more attracted to him, because my father was a free mason and my grandfather still is…. My little brother is interested in becoming one. This guy just started talking to me and he is one and I just feel way more attracted to him. Weird. And then i started liking him EVEN MORE when i realized our fathers are good friends and fellow writers.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:11pm
379: Tiffany says:

Oh, this feels so weird. Not like I did something bad or anything. But I did finally contact Vman. Not with the emotionally true email I’d been writing, but just a little hi, how are you? To which he responded.

I then proceeded to ask him if he’s doing anything fun this weekend. Not with any kind of “angle,” just to make conversation, really.

So no response since yesterday, and I’ve got 3 stories floating around in my mind.

1) he’s busy and be just didn’t get around to it (probably true.)

2) he thinks I’m trying to “angle” for something – ie I want to hang out. Which was not my motive, of course.

3) omg, he has a gf and he’s hanging out with her and going somewhere special! Lol

The last one is of course panicky and anxious. But also, I just notice that the thought makes me feel kind of queasy and sick and tight in my stomach. I feel sad and like I might be missing out on something that is mine to enjoy.

I guess there is still some feeling there, even though I told him that there wasn’t.

I don’t know where to go from here. Obviously, I can’t decide his choices for him. And even though he’s apparently “bad” at connecting with emotions, I still like him a lot. And I miss him a lot. For someone that I barely got to know, I sure miss him a lot.

I wonder if I should tell him that? Or if I should just continue to try and be “cool” and CD.

You would think that having all kinds of guys asking for my time and wanting to date me and see me, and some of them being really great guys would mitigate this yucky feeling I get about missing him, but it doesn’t. I still miss him and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Except I feel it. I am letting myself feel it. Still sad. Still wishing I was with him and not missing him. Still taking care of myself. This is about me, and how I feel and what I want. And I don’t want to be afraid and spend the rest if my life regretting not asking for something that I want…I just wish I knew the words to say to ask him… : (

What do you guys think? I have to check in with myself, but I feel open to hearing what your ideas and thoughts are…

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:15pm
380: Daria says:

omg thanks ladies for the encouragement to not chase!

i was about to chase but i read your coments on it and im like yeah!

let him chase ME! omg what a relief thank u

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:17pm
381: Starla says:

Tiffany, I would not worry about it/lean forward again.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:23pm
382: Starla says:

Tiffany, I would challenge myself to reject my compulsion to pursue/want a man who doesn’t want me (and clearly said so). The universe is keeping you stuck here so you can grow bigger than this. You deserve better than this, you just gotta give yourself what you deserve so you can actually get it, if that makes sense.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:27pm
383: Radlove says:

I like penises.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:42pm
384: Sassy says:

Starla, he went off the grid again, back to ignoring me. I went off on him and said I don’t deserve to be ignored and I was tired of playing games. I texted him a few more times, just to see if he would respond and he didn’t so I’m just laying low, backing off, leaning back, whatever you want to call it. It’ll be ok. Just gonna stay in my cocoon and stay off of FB and my phone.
Tiffany, I wonder when I read your posts about you still having feelings for him, if that isn’t about an oxytocin withdrawal. Isn’t he the one that you semi had a sexual experience with?
Two years for oxytocin withdrawals??? Ughhhh I’ll never get over/past JT!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:47pm
385: Daria says:

feel happiest when I can freely receive a man’s attention/gifts without him expecting anything in return

I feel more happy when i can freely receive (swoon this is gonna get’em!!!) a man’s attention/gifts without feeling expected for anything in return

WOW THANK YOU SO MUCH APRIL ROSE FOR INSPIRING THIS SCRIPTING FOR ME YAY!!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:47pm
386: Daria says:

Radlove – if you like penises , I can text u a wide variety of pictures ive been receiving

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:48pm
387: Starla says:

((((((((((sassy))))))))))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:51pm
388: Emoticon says:

Radlove u r killing me…. i love penises too

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:54pm
389: Emoticon says:

daria i wanna see

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 3:56pm
390: Radlove says:

Understanding the Wisdom in Your Anger
March 5th, 2012
By Susanne M. Dillmann, Psy.D, Post Traumatic Stress / Trauma Topic Expert Contributor

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/understanding-wisdom-in-anger-0305126/

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 4:05pm
391: Daria says:

wow Radlove i feel so touched reading the message about how you view my processing

thank u…

i feel seen and LOVED! and celebrated!

that feels so good.. im feeling all sobby

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 4:09pm
392: Radlove says:

Daria and Emoticon,

LOL! I get an abundance of penis pictures from all the men I contact! I’ll pass!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 4:09pm
393: Radlove says:

Daria,

391 – Awww, I feel happy you like it. I think you are very special and unique.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 4:11pm
394: Starla says:

I took all my recent, past, and potential CDs off my facebook feed. I took off any female friends that reminded me of them, too.

i feel really relieved and excited to finally be moving into this space i had intended for myself. Leaning forward or leaning back, either way, is not even an option now. It’s just me, and there’s no one or no thing to run to to run away from myself.

removing reminders and triggers to run away from myself and toward male attention is going to give my adrenals a big break, and give me a chance to focus on the changes I want to make in my life without getting sidetracked by mancrack.

It’s just you and me for a while, starla! wow, saying that makes me feel really in love with myself:D

detoxing from man crack feels wonderful right now:) i wouldn’t be surprised if i have some really really rough days ahead, though!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 5:47pm
395: Daria says:

wow so this CD is all trippin an now he wants to call my trip short to Tuesday

im feeling very frightened and tense having nightmares of him canceling it on me OVERNIGHT or calling the police on me or something

i told him i was feelin mad and disappointed cuz hes a cool guy without the verbal abuse

and id ont want to tolerate that

hes still talking some bullshit

this is on the text

i feel mad

i feel scared

i want to do some EFT

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:33pm
396: Daria says:

ok its friday night, im not out at this huge festival OR walking down the street to catch the last bus in 2 minutes

AND im scared this guy will show up, scared enough to call the police tho he says hes harmless and probably is i feel so tense and jumpy from the verbal abuse

i am tryna like “calm the abuser” so i can saefly stay till tuesday

i dont wanna leave the hotel in the middle of the biggest event ever i just happened to stumble into, but if it happens i can and will haha its all warm out here in miami

and it wont

i can relaz

i can go to the front tomorrow and asked how long its paid for and let them know my friend and i had a disagreement and i dont want him to have a roomkey if he asks

omg

and im SO taking the bus

i feel sad

i feel afraid to tell my mom cuz i just realized i ‘avoid scarign her’ and have to censor myself for her feelings and i dont want to do that

yum Daria i love me

good thing the guy from just a bit ago brought me weed

i feel all tense in my hands

(((Daria)))

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:57pm
397: Daria says:

this is all part of the Goddess plan

to show me wonderfulness of wonderfullness

i wonder why that guy from yesterday didnt contact me or seem to talk about it

awwww

maybe i gave him the wrong impression of me?

i dono

i can let it go?

i want tot focus on something that feels comforting and calming and remembering myself feeling open with him feels that way…

and it Is all about me hehe

aww

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 6:58pm
398: sunshine says:

can anyone share basic online dating advice w me? i have modern siren, and comm blueprint but didnt see anything specific..

I initiate by winking at men on match but no emails unless they do first…im i too forward by winking? should i fully lean back and just wait for whoever initiates? also cute guy winked so i winked back thats better than emailing back right?

i just feel confused as to how much to lean back or if I should email and be assertive…

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:03pm
399: Brandylion says:

I miss being in a relationship. I miss the closeness. I miss cuddling. I miss kissing. I miss going places and doing fun things. I miss sleeping in the same bed with someone and waking up together. I miss just spending time with someone to whom I feel connected.

I haven’t heard from the guy I had a date with last Saturday, but he did indicate he had a vacation coming up and would be going home to India. I never did hear from the guy who said last weekend that he’d call with a plan to meet this past week.

I accepted a date with AkronCD for next weekend, but I’m not interested in him at all. (He asked me out for this weekend, but I’m out of town on a trip with students.) He wrote something in a text this week that triggered me, but not in a way I needed to express to him, so I texted my best friend about it and told her what I wanted to write back to him (but did not, knowing it was needlessly hurtful). She lectured me, via text, about how I had no business continuing contact with this guy since I know I’m (in her words) out of his league, there aren’t any relational skills to be gained with him, and any interaction is being interpreted by him as a positive sign of my interest. She even told me how un-sireny it was that I had the reaction I did to his text! It felt really awful, and I just shut down and quit replying.

She said I should just stop replying to any of his contact and poof on him, that I didn’t owe him any explanation. I’m not going to keep in contact with any of the current pool of “CDs” (I use the term loosely, since so few of them have made it offline and even fewer to a meeting) over the summer when I go back to AZ, and I’ll be leaving four days after the date. I’m going to take down my profiles. I don’t see any need to cut him off before that. Going on a date with him is better than sitting home alone for yet another Saturday night. :-/

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:08pm
400: Brandylion says:

BTW Radlove, I like penises too. But I, too, shall pass on pictures, Emoticon. If I can’t have one in real life to admire, I’ll just have none.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:10pm
401: Megan says:

question about chasing:

is going out to places in hopes of running into a particular guy chasing?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:19pm
402: Starla says:

Megan, it depends on the vibe behind it. That would make the difference between just ‘dropping your handkerchief’ and leaning forward/chasing.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:34pm
403: Jessie1000 says:

megan …go out and meet anyone
dont focus on any one person!

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:38pm
404: Radlove says:

Brandylion,

LOL, yeah me too. I only want “my” own penis, just for me.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:41pm
405: Radlove says:

Megan,

401 – My understanding of Circular Dating is to CD everyone I meet, everywhere I go! So it is totally encouraged by Rori to go out to places where you are likely to meet the kind of man you want to meet! That could look like Barnes & Noble; a play; a restaurant; a park; a health food store; a common interest group; meetup dot com group, and the list is endless.

Yes, yes, yes! Get out there, dress up, lean back, smile, and make eye contact! Only speak to a man if he speaks to you first.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:44pm
406: Starla says:

It’s friday night, 9pm, everyone is heading out for the night… what does starla want to do? she wants to go to the gym. and that is where i’m headed now.

i LOVE being single and not dating and having all this time for ME and the freedom to move at my own pace and act on my whims. I love that I just have my little handful of girlfriends who all like to do their own thing and never expect me to go out with them on any night in particular.

My life is so perfect right now <3

Then I am going to make my universe box:)

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 7:59pm
407: Daria says:

sunshine – fast advice:

let them contact you first

after the first contact – yes YOU write the winkers, after you’ve written the writers that youve chosen to respond to

be PROACTIVE/ASSERTIVE with boundaries that you are there to meet in person, and give out your number to hear a man’s voice quickly. absolutely no dawdling online – the whole purpose of the site is a chance to be open to men that want and are available distance or otherwise to MEET YOU in person.

treat – getting to the meeting – in a businesslike, routine way – set up your own routine and don’t assume the guy you connect with online are the ones who will be the most willing or able to meet u … so screen out the men who arent

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:07pm
408: Daria says:

i notice i felt resentful that Starla is having a nice day now while im feeling angry about the words yesterday

i feel very vulnerable to write this i dont think i ever have said something like this before and i feel also so free and happy writing this, showing myself wow

i feel guilty for feeilng that way and im sorry if it triggers anyone especially starla

i dont feel safe to express these kinda things in real life w people close to me

somehow this feesl immensely healing

i think they would be horrified – ppl in real life – and resent me FOREVER for some of my – NOT IN MY CONTROL YOU GUYS !!! – thoughts and emotions

and i want to be the one for me who is open and heals all this fear of showing and ‘distance’

i dont want to feel this way

i feel a lot of love for Starla and i dont intend her to feel bad no matter what’s going on with me

whoa i feel Gripped in my intestines and liver

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:11pm
409: Radlove says:

Daria,

I notice that I feel bad that my posts to Starla were not responded to. I don’t like to feel ignored or blocked out.

I also notice that I feel sad that anything might contribute to you feeling inhibited, when you are such a free spirit, and when you are putting forth such serious effort at finding healing.

I have felt my mind and heart examining themselves today around my own inhibitions about feeling scared like “I better walk on eggshells around this person or that person, or I will be yelled at!” No! I don’t want that! I want to feel safe and confident to say out loud, “I feel angry.” or “I feel upset”.

I have a right to HAVE thoughts and feelings.
And I have a right to SPEAK my thoughts and feelings.

I don’t want to live in fear and in a scary, dark cloud inside anymore. I want to be a free spirit who protects and nurtures herself.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:23pm
410: sunshine says:

Thank you Daria! I feel good reading your pointers bc it feels right. I like feeling like I have some sort of control and yeah I cant stand men who are wishy washy and dont meet up…what do you think is a good cut off point from emails to meet up? I feel like more than a week of texting/emailing starts to feel weird w out a meet up..also i feel weird responding to the guys i dont find attractive however i know rori talks about just dating alot no matter what…has this ever worked? i dont know its just weird

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:23pm
411: Radlove says:

Sunshine,

I feel weird when it goes on more than a week, too. Right now my CD, “CO”, just keeps putting off meeting me. I have used several different feeling messages over a period of months. I feel like the only thing I can do now is cut it off. Yet I don’t want to, because in every other way he seems like a nice man.

So far the only thing I have thought of is to respond to his emails slowly, like one an hour, so he doesn’t think he can just have a back and forth conversation night after night.

I feel frustrated, and I feel bored. I would feel out of my comfort zone to tell him that tho. I feel like almost angry about how he drags it on and on, knowing I don’t want an endless email relationship without ever meeting.

I wonder what would happen if I were to just stop responding. Or I could just respond the next day, once a day.

If anyone has any ideas what to do next, I welcome them. Feeling at an impasse: a good man I don’t want to not meet;;;yet feeling somewhat disrespected that my desires are being ignored.

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:44pm
412: sunshine says:

Radlove sigh I feel your frustration I have gone through that before…well I have in general trouble expressing negative feelings because I convince myself that i sound too diva/ bitchy but Im working on that because in reality im just expressing my feelings so…if hes making you feel doubtful if you want to continue even considering him, instead of cutting it off i would give my genuine feeling messages that are not so nice such as “I feel uncomfortable/ackward at this point..”
The way I see it what do you have to lose? your already considering breaking it off why not give full honest feelings while your at it. He might cut it off for good which is meant to be if hes gonna be that rude, or he might react and pay attention. what do you think?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 8:56pm
413: Sunshine says:

Radlove, I think you should practice sharing your feeling messages no matter what take it as an opportunity

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:14pm
414: Emoticon says:

I am doing my own weave right now….. for the first time ever. I just decided…. that I can sew a weave…. and IM DOING it…. this is so cool….. feeling tired but determined to finish it

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 9:17pm
415: Rebecca says:

I want to put a message out to the universe.

I need a cuddle…

I’m now wondering if my ‘thoughts’ sound ‘needy’?

I feel worried about feeling ‘needy’.

Am I abnormal??

Why DO I want human contact so desperately??

Someone told me once that I nned everyone to ‘like me’ and I need a LOT of attention. They said it in a negative, like your a weirdo, kind of way.

I DO feel MORE needy than others. I am ALWAYS looking for comfort. Looking for LOVE. Looking for AFFECTION.

People SEEM to notice this a LOT about me. It makes me feel self-conscious. Like ‘Wow, what is WRONG with me? Is not everyone like this?’

I feel so NEEDY ALL the time…

So NOT independant.

wtf?????

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:03pm
416: sunshine says:

Rebecca I feel like most of us in a sense are that way we all need love and affection I think its normal. I feel bad reading your post because I feel bad that you feel this way, I feel angry that someone made you feel weird for feeling like your the only one because most humans all feel like this at some degree, even big strong football players want to cuddle!
my issue right now is about feeling ackward demanding things even if they are legit…I just told a match.com guy I would feel better if he called me first I said it with a smile symbol and we had a nice iM chat …I cant help feel so weird demanding things like im a diva but Im fighting through it and asking for what I prefer because Im tired of being a pushoveer just because I feel uncomfortable asking for what I like! strong emotion there lol

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:12pm
417: sunshine says:

…he just IM me saying “perfect”….lol its something so small but the fact that he is cool w my request feels really nice I like that Im asking for things as small as him calling me first this feels so nice:) thank you blog advice, thank you rori, and thank you God for helping me be stronger

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:17pm
418: Rebecca says:

I feel like a cat who wants to curl up in your lap..

Following you around the house all day, shadowing you…

I feel so desperate to be petted. To be stroked. To get SOME physical attention and affection.

I want, I want I want…

Me, me, me, me, me….

What is this about??

I feel heavey in my shoulders. I feel tight across my back.

Ifeel sick in mystomach….

I feelarggghhhhhhhhh…..

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:17pm
419: Rebecca says:

Sunshine – thank you for your support. My problem is, to me, I feel this neediness around everyone!! Not just men I find attractive, etc.. Men, women, anyone and everyone. Do u relate?

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 10:50pm
420: Daria says:

ok im realizing that the scenarios im making up about this guy showing up unannounced and getting violent are = made up

he hasnt shown up

i dont have to worry about it

if he does, ill deal with it by telling him i dont want to talk

if he smashes the window (as in my unfounded fear)

ill call 911 and recite the address off i know it by heart

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:44pm
421: Daria says:

i want to get that guy i liked yestearday back here!

how could he not be declaring his desire to be with me

omg

ugh

its not my fault

its not his fault

i miss him!!!

i missed him soon as he started walking out the door

it feels so good to write this!

it feels like its unravelign

my instinct is to run after him

dont daria! lean back

thats what makes it the attractive energy

pulling in

im his anchor

i fell in love

i felt so connected!

arrrh

i feel tingly and pulled out from my guts

Friday, 25 May 2012 @ 11:47pm
422: Daria says:

Sunshine – yay i feel appreciated

more off the cuff advice:

yes. dating guys a woman’s not attracted to is very important. its so the woman can learn to build attraction with any man (Create chemistry). If she only opens up with men she feels instantly attracted to, she misses the oportunity to experience, organicly, in her own skin, that SHE is the source of the pleasurable feelings she feels around men. (without this knowledge she’ll feel ‘needy’ of attractive men to ‘give her’ the good feelings, instead of nurturing her ability to create them herself. she would be “at the mercy” of those special men she would not want to lose – wow which feels powerfully romantic of a story for me right now as i write this, and process this for myself )

how long to email?

time is not in weeks, but rather this is an area where YOU ARE IN CHARGE (unlike planning dates for example)

here, YOU are the one who expresses what you dont want quickly:

“i dont want to talk online…im here to meet men in person.. what do you think?”

even though to us this might seem that it implies a ‘suggestion’ – it actually does not! it simply states truth at face value, and asks the man what he thinks to take charge of fulfilling your desires about the situation and how you’d like to be approached

you can use this technique immediately with anyone you feel curious about meeting (you dont have to meet them, ask to speak to them first, and talk for about 10 minutes. then go ahead and meet! in a safe place of course!)

you dont wnat to connect with the man online or on the phone

REPEAT: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

you DONT want to connect with a man online or on the phone

its confusing at best, deeply disappointing at worst

YOUR JOB IS TO MEET MEN IN PERSON! – on these “coffee” dates

THATS when the connection can happen AUTHENTICALLY – in person!!!

thats what you want!

you want a man who WANTS and is able to connect with you IN PERSON!

that kind of man is thrilled to get a chance to meet u for coffee AS SOON AS YOURE READY!

EXPECT that men will be willing and ready to meet u as soon as you’re ready

and be open to meeting men ! remember, light meetings, think of it as a ‘business’ meeting almost – networking, auditioning (you’re auditioning men), recruiting…

a business of romance!!

AND YOU ARE THE BOSS!

you get to have it how YOU want it. and each men is ‘tested’ to fulfill your wishes. fail once and he gets the axe to seeing you again!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 12:03am
423: Daria says:

Radlove – oh my! after saying that you wanted to meet and dont want to talk online… dont respond anymore my dear!

if you feel open to, you can respond maybe once a month… until he suggests meeting

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 12:09am
424: siren song says:

I had a good day. Guy who loves me called me to tell me he was sorry for how he was speaking to me. He sent me some nice compliments as well by email. I’ll take those arrows. Thanks, guy who loves me.

I went out and had an awesome time with work people. One guy really likes me. I can feel it…

Tomorrow i’m having a housewarming party. I bought a new out outfit and feel excited to give my house some love tomorrow and invite people in.

Night sirens.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 12:58am
425: Sirenity says:

I just love this Daria,

be PROACTIVE/ASSERTIVE with boundaries that you are there to meet in person, and give out your number to hear a man’s voice quickly. absolutely no dawdling online – the whole purpose of the site is a chance to be open to men that want and are available distance or otherwise to MEET YOU in person.

I am in total agreement . I just need to get ready for the next BlitzPOF!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 3:10am
426: Celtic Blue says:

A little tale about my recent Rock Star weekend for any Sirens who have followed the story.

In summary… I was a BAD Man Crack addict ..no self esteem, lost and struggling ..found Rori and Baggage Reclaim and got clean..Did have to endure cancer diagnosis and major surgery to really scrape him off me though and I have now been FREE for eighteen months.

In that time i had four surgeries , a big trip overseas , new job, life/work rethink and re-arrangement of priorities .

I have dated quite a few men but something about me was keeping them as great friends. They just werent touching me or coming on to me …it felt weird like almost an OD of RESPECT . My heart must have been closed ..but to me it just felt like lost confidence.

I recently rock starred it with an old friend and ex lover of mine to break the spell the ex man crack had over my body. This was a great night in luxury surroundings, and it went WELL.

I was so happy to show my “new” body to a man and it felt so good. I picked a guy who i knew was distracted and not likely to want more than a casual evening.He was an old friend and trustworthy.

I was fascinated to see how sex kicked in my bonding hormones with this guy. I felt a bit wobbly for a day or two and a little hoping he would call. I feel so grateful to know what is happening now so I dont get hooked in. I had to explain it to him , and that I would not make an ongoing arrangement of this.

Mostly I just loved the power trip
I learned what I can and cant do without risking my well being and rock starring it is a definite possibility as long as its one night only. Hmmmm.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 3:27am
427: Radlove says:

Daria,

423 – “Radlove – oh my! after saying that you wanted to meet and dont want to talk online… dont respond anymore my dear!

if you feel open to, you can respond maybe once a month… until he suggests meeting”

Thank you! This is a prime example of an area where I need to learn how to set and hold boundaries. Well, at this point, I’ve already muddled the boundary. But it’s ok, because I didn’t know. This is a new skill for me, so I will be patient and kind with myself.

Maybe next time he emails me, I will write what you suggested in the past…I would feel ok with you calling me.

And then just stop with the emails. I am relearning.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:31am
428: Radlove says:

Sunshine,

412 – “The way I see it what do you have to lose? your already considering breaking it off why not give full honest feelings while your at it. He might cut it off for good which is meant to be if hes gonna be that rude, or he might react and pay attention. what do you think?”

Thank you. I decided to go with what Daria suggested to me, but what you say here helps give me the strength to do it…to not be concerned with the outcome.

Because once already when I did it, he said he felt offended, like I was giving him an ultimatum. So I think if I just kindly say, “I would feel okay with you calling me.” and then just went silent, it would hopefully not be offensive.

And in processing all this, I am thinking about setting boundaries and holding them with a CD from a year ago, New Jersey, who calls and calls me, but has only met me once. It is time. I honestly feel bored with phone only, and I don’t want to expend all my dating time and energy with endless phone calls.

So for New Jersey, who called me last night and I didn’t call him back yet because I was busy with a CD who is actually going to meet me (Yay! I’ll call him “Vintage”!). So I can call him back today, chat briefly, and then just kindly explain that I am getting really busy with dating, and I would love to spend time with him, but I really don’t want to continue a phone only friendship. Yesss!

Team Set and Hold Boundaries!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:44am
429: Radlove says:

423 revisited – Just reading Daria’s post, I hear all my NVs from childhood scream, “You HAVE to! You have to do what you’re told!”

I feel “bad”, as in bad girl! I wasn’t taught to think for myself; respect myself; or hold boundaries. I was taught to do what I was told.

It’s ok, lil girl, you are a good girl to say no by not responding to the emails or phone calls anymore. We are learning a new skill here, and it feels a little uncomfortable, but so did riding a bike the first time or two. And guess what? I’m going to buy you a bike soon, so you can start biking again!

Oh goodie!

Good lil girl! LOL!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:51am
430: Radlove says:

Wow, this feeling of guilt and shame is powerful. God, please help me heal that. I am not a bad girl to stop receiving emails and phone calls from men who refuse to meet me in person.

I also feel the NVs that no one has time for me, that I don’t deserve for a man to take time out of his day for me or drive a long distance for me. If I am not worth a drive to my beautiful town, and you don’t want to spend an evening with me, then I don’t want you to bend my ear day after day if you never plan to spend time with me in person.

I matter. I am worthwhile. I am a catch. I am first class, and I only accept first class treatment.

Bye bye, NVs! You protected me or tried to when I was little, but you are not serving me anymore.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:57am
431: Emoticon says:

Good Morning Sirens…. yup, still commenting on the blog…. cuz my roommate left her laptop with me ALL WEEKEND.

If i go to New York for my job (should be startng tuesday abut not sure where I will be staying ( ) this guy from my island offered me a laptop now how nice is this???

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 6:36am
432: Emoticon says:

Still Leaning Back…. where’s #TeamLeanBack at???

CD was on FB really late last night…. approx 2:30 am and I did not start a chat with him or comment on the new picture he uploaded.

It came on my news feed and at first i felt scared…. and nervous. Then some girl commented on ir and I started feeling happy that I did not lean forward and comment.

It was a picture I had seen before because he had it on twitter, and I had told him that I liked it (leaned forward yes…. cuz he did not ASK me about it) and he said thank you, but I still felt awkward, like I do everytime i lean forward.

I felt awkward like the roles were reversed because I had not received a compliment from him in a long time (except on how good i am in bed :S ….. yeah tell me about it) I felt so awkward and then sad and mad.

So i did not comment! And now i wake up feeling great…. Leaning back im taking it one day at a time, or one moment at a time, cuz i realize that when i tell myself “from now on” I start feeling anxious…. and wondering how long it will take him to lean forward and talk to me. Moment by moment, it feels easier. I dont feel anxious.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:00am
433: Radlove says:

Emoticon,

Is there a chance that your NY job will put you up in a hotel somewhere? Housing is way expensive in NYC!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:07am
434: Jenny says:

Yesterday I had a nice connection with a man by text. We was planing to meet. And in the last minute he canceled, sayng he suddenly felt to sleepy and didnt want to drive when he was sleepy.

I thanked him for being honest. Told him a ws feeling just a little disapointed but I also understand. I dont want him to drive while sleepy.

And he was like “Oh now I feel bad, i dont want to let you down – if it makes you happy I drive right away, just ask me”

And that made me feel smile inside, so again I thanked him, told him i was feeling a little disopointed, but I was also feeling happy he didnt want to let me down. It all felt good for me and I didnt want him to drive a car if he is sleepy.

So then he wrote: “Thanks for being so honest and open, you are such wonderfull lady”

…and it ended up with us chatting for 2 hours, and I felt so turned on and connected, soft and open. he was very sweet..and so into me, asked alot of questions; more then before.

So flower CD havent text em, he have removed his profile from the dating site – his removing aint nothing to do with me…NO NVS…it aint…darn, why should it be? Yeah I might have scared him, but serious, shouldnt a blocking be more normal then? And now lets get out of his head. Darn diva, I know you like him, his picture his calling tyou a beautiful flower, but please calm down. He will not forget you, give him space- maybe send an sms some time later next week, som e fm about how you thinkg your day is. But right now…argh dammit, you are one hour away of an date with a very soft and sensitive man, who you also like…one of them a time – darn I’m getting headach of all guys you keep thinking of.

I feel a littel giggle, rori mean CD a lot keeps us woman busy from thinking of any of them – well I’m not. I keep thinking of them all…at the same time. I got ADHD, so I’m darn good at keeping lots of thinks in my head the same time Only diffrent I got 10 men in my head now, compare to just one feels good in a way…but also a little crowded

Been practicing a lot of bounderies latelly. And also not to talk so darn much, I dont have to answer all questins I get…

Ok feeling a little bit eggy right now, less then 45 min left to cd, but he havent called back to say ok, to whe i aid ok to the time

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:18am
435: Emoticon says:

Yes Radlove it is veryyyyy f*cking expensive. I have lots of family there though and my god mother so I was hoping to get to stay with them for free or cheaper.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:25am
436: Radlove says:

Jenny,

Good job with your feeling messages! I love how well Rori’s tools work!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:26am
437: LiliBee says:

Waaahwaaww!

That’s my girly squeel I let out when I feel thrilled and excited.
As I do that, I squeeze my shoulders up, wave my hands and steppy steppy on the same spot.
I call it my silly girly dance.
I do that when I 1st see D after a couple of days of being apart.
His face lights up with a big smile, he mimicks my squeely sound, grabs me in his arms and makes the s3x moves on me.

I feel so comfortable in my skin when he reacts that way at me just letting myself go at expressing my excitedness in the most spontaneous authentic way.

I feel freeeeee!!! to be meeee!
I love acting all silly, it shakes up the cobwebs so to speak.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:45am
438: LiliBee says:

I’m doing my squeely silly girly dance now coz he called just now to just ‘touch base’.
Just to let me know where he was at with helping his friend with reno work, and to say when he’ll be done and back home.
He asked me to go join him when he gets home.

Awwww, I feel so wanted and desired. He wants me around all the time …wow! I feel wonder at how this behaviour of his has lasted for 2 straight months!

I still have my little challenges, but they feel so ‘small’.
I keep Rori’s voice in the back of my head all the time.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:52am
439: LiliBee says:

438:

Btw, I only go join him when I feel good that I’m done with MY stuff at my place…or else it’s up to him to come to me and help me getting my stuff done if he doesn’t want to wait.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:57am
440: LiliBee says:

439:

I wouldn’t feel good being the puppy that jumps and runs to him at his beck and call.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:58am
441: LoveAlways says:

Wow! What a sensitive topic! But very well put together. I had a lover who had this type of problem from time to time and he showed me that there is so much more to intimacy than penetration!!! But we were really into each other, and I think that is necessary foundation. Great post Rori!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:28am
442: LoveAlways says:

Good morning Sirens!!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:29am
443: Jessie1000 says:

Radlove….whats NV’s lol I must be stupid cause I cant figure out the lingo.

I had a wicked nice guy like that talking to me on POF he was from Nova Scotia and here teaching in Ottawa.

Turns out, I asked some people back home about him and hes married. He was lonely, I guess, and just wanted to chat with people and maybe get some easy sex.

Maybe you should just set a boundary to weed out the wierdos. Like it was nice talking to you but I feel now like this is a waste of my time since I want to go on a date not sit on my computer. Put it in ur profile and go on to the next one.

Dont give him a second thought cause it might have to do with you and he might just be looking for an easy target or he does it to all girls, you dont know.

If you feel anxiety then eliminate it cause you deserve happy days every day! (especially if the guys actions are making you feel not pretty or unimportant thats no good for you and your wonderful self!!!)

Kisses Radlove
Hope you are having a nice day and I would soooo love to have coffee with you someday!!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:44am
444: Jessie1000 says:

Radlove….were you teasing me about writing articles on the blog or do you think I write too much?

Lol I love pouring my heart out to the blog, its so wonderful and I feel like so much pressure gets released too but I never consider if anyone reads it or not and the few times people respond to my comments, I feel overwhelmed!

Sorry if I write too much and I will keep em short from now on if you are bothered.

You can just skip them if it bugs you too??? sorry honey

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:48am
445: Emoticon says:

R u guys here? idk what to say to a guy using FMs when he says “You never cooked for me “

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 9:49am
446: Daria says:

ok i feel so relieved now that i told the front desk hotel guy that i got in an argument with CD dude and not to give him an extra room key yay! i feel like i have a layer of protection around me now …

phew!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 9:51am
447: Brandylion says:

Hmm, I like the discussion going on here for setting & holding boundaries and getting to a meeting quickly. I have been getting better about expressing after a few emails that I’m feeling bored with emailing.

A lot of guys poof when I tell them I don’t like using the chat feature on these dating sites. One guy didn’t poof on that, but did when I told him I don’t like having whole conversations via text because it feels impersonal.

I have saved Daria’s FM about “I’m on here to meet men in person” for future use!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 9:51am
448: Daria says:

Emoticon – mmm i might say

“lol ”

i usually say that when guys say girly ‘court me’ things – it feels amusing!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 9:52am
449: Daria says:

myabe thats not honest, myabe more honest would be

ewww that feels really uncomfortable babe lol

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 9:53am
450: Emoticon says:

my honest answer would probably be “that would feel weird to me”

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 9:55am
451: Brandylion says:

Emoticon:

“That feels icky.”

Really, why should he expect you to cook for him?

At some point, if any of these CDs get that far, I plan just to tell them that I don’t cook for men I’m just dating. My cooking is part of exclusivity.

Now, planning and preparing a meal *together* is a different story…that feels really fun!

(BTW, there is a parade going on right now in the city where I am with my students, and it just feels so festive! I can see them from my hotel room, and I want to go outside and watch up close!)

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 9:58am
452: Jessie1000 says:

Emoticon….say omg am i ur slave?

wow, my son is like that…he makes me put the sugar on his cereal (he is 14) cause he says it tastes better when i do it for him!

Socially accepted conventions like women cooking and doing the housework are norms but they are not rules….just because i have vagina does not mean that I have to cook for anyone

Tell him he didnt deserve it

Tell him to rethink these kinds of conventions because it should not be tit size that determines who gets the sh**t jobs in the house

Tell him that ur a woman and not a molly maid

OMG dont tell him any of those things but at least have a good laugh

Kisses emoticon ….oh wait one more…..tell him I dont answer stupid questions cause they come from stupid people lol lol

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:06am
453: Emoticon says:

awwww he suggested cooking *with* him instead of for him, that sounds more like bonding than leaning forward. what u guys think?

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:08am
454: Emoticon says:

I dont feel mad or anything that he said that cuz I dont assume he expects me to do it per se….. most times he wants to cook for me. I had just told him that i was about to cook something for myself. So he said that, but he is just not aware that I dont cook for guys. I want to remain open but let him know that I won’t be doing that. I feel like if I ask him if I’m his slave that would not really be unzipping my heart

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:11am
455: Emoticon says:

He said we would hold hands and stir 2gether and play music and light candles and I said “:-) awww that would feel sooo romantic” and he said “okay its a date”

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:15am
456: Emoticon says:

Kisses to you too Jessie….

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:20am
457: Emoticon says:

Since I have made the conscious decision to be a good receiver, guys have just been offering me everything. This guy is going to a friend’s cookout and offering to bring me some food so I may not have to cook at all AND he’s gonna help with a drainage prob we r having right now …… I always wondered how u other sirens sumhow got guys to do stuff around the house, I guess u jus gotta be open to allowing them to do it and never be afraid to ask for help.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:25am
458: Emoticon says:

Am I weird for not expecting to actually meet in person the guys i meet via POF. I met one and im still surprised that i met him lol

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:34am
459: Jenny says:

So one CD just left. He came late..and he was soo sorry, he was lost and had problem find his way.

He was so frustrated and sorry – and I felt a little stupied for my own nasty thoughts.

I thanked him for showing up, told him I felt happy to se him again…and that I could understand he was feeling frustrated since I would also be feeling that.

…and argh I’m beeting on myself – I talk too much….I do. And I keep explaining.

…but I was talking less then I normally do, let him ask me questions, let him talk about himself, his dreams.

So I*m doing progress.
And we are meeting tomorrow too – I hope. He also asked if I would come to visit him if he moves to another city…

So a good second date.

He asked me while we was cuddle, and I was laying in his arms. I ws silent.and just focus on my breathing and being there with him

“How does it feel?”He asked

“I feel good, I feel safe and relaxed. I feel soft. Feels natural and very good”

He: “I agree, it feels good with you. I like being with you”

Soo breath, feel. It feels good now . I miss him, I feel happy and my NV is screaming. I love my Nvs, they are soo darn cute.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 12:09pm
460: Emoticon says:

Jenny

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 12:19pm
461: sophie says:

Just been chatting on POF – been flirting with a guy who I said ages ago I wouldn’t meet ‘cos he’s too young but then carried on flirting with him – just said again I wouldn’t meet him and he din’t even repy – just dropped the ball – mid air. Now, this is just some guy on POF who I’ve never met but this is such a major trigger for me so I’m spamming cos its flared right up. He’s gone just pfffed! I have had ex boyfriends that have done this too either in physicality or mid conversation/processing and i feel terrified. I feel panic rising in my chest. i wait and wait and nothing and then a panic feeling and sick in my stomach and I want to lean forward and say where are you don’t leave mid conversation but I won’t. I feel

afraid of their disapproval like I did something bad and they think I’m a bXXch or a tease or a timewaster

afraid that they hate me

I want to write and say sorry so they love me again

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 12:27pm
462: sophie says:

and i feel ashamed that i did something wrong

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 12:38pm
463: Emoticon says:

Sophie I don’t see anything wrong with you being straight up and telling him that ur not interested cuz of his age. Sometimes you’re just not turned on by certain guys

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 12:46pm
464: Sassy says:

Four days, no word.
It’s ok, Sassy, he’ll be back. Just his usual MO.

((((((me)))))). (((((((((JT))))))))))

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 12:49pm
465: Starla says:

Sassy, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this again. Since he’s done this before (his MO, as you say), do you just accept it will always be like this when you get into a disagreement? Or are you hoping this BS will change one day? ((((((((((((((((sassy)))))))))))))))))

are you cd’ing in any form right now?

(((((((((((sassy)))))))))))))))

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 1:24pm
466: Jenny says:

Sophie – you didnt do anything wrong. You got the right to think and feel whatever you feel.

Take this a sgood practice..feel your feelings.

Baby steps you know

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 1:37pm
467: Starla says:

i’ve been working out really hard but still have some ‘problem’ areas on my body that might not change for another month or so, but i’m going to get my bikini on and head to the pool and practice just being confident without being perfect. i can so do this!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 1:37pm
468: Emoticon says:

go Starla

Sassy, sorry 2 hear abt ur boo bein all MIA

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 1:53pm
469: Starla says:

daaaaaaaaaaaaang i am sexy:)

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 1:56pm
470: Starla says:

eep now i feel scared

i really am going to go, though.

just dilly dallying

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 2:02pm
471: Emoticon says:

sleeeeepy

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 2:06pm
472: Emoticon says:

ooooh Go starlaaaa

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 2:13pm
473: Lily Medusa says:

A couple of nights ago I felt very sad for my kind, wonderful, most favorite man. He is currently dealing with several rotten situations which he does not deserve. He called me in the evening, and right away I launched into an emotional story of something crazy that had happened to me that day. He listened empathetically and wanted to help. Twenty minutes into the conversation, he mentioned that he had cried for 2 hours after coming home from work. I felt soooo sad for him because I have seen him suffering before, and it’s not the least bit pleasant. I felt an urge to Lean Forward, and I resisted it. I didn’t do anything to try to make him feel better, I didn’t make any suggestions, etc. Instead I listened. I ended up saying something like, “Ohhhhhhh, I’m so sorry. I feel so sad that you’ve been sad. I’m sad that you had such a hard day. I really hope you feel better soon.”

How did I do? What would the best response have been? How can I be a Siren and be there for my man when he is going through his devastating personal trials? I know a day will come when he will overcome the problems he is struggling with right now. It’s possible that it could take years for things to improve. Right now, he’s in the throes. My heart hurts for him.

Can a man take strength and comfort from a Siren as he Leans Forward? How can I help this happen? Is there anything in Rori’s programs about this?

Thank you…

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 2:58pm
474: Queenbee says:

RE: 94 – Hi Slippin’ Goddess – nice to ‘meet’ you too

Ah, I get it. Thanks for letting me know. Context helps

xoxo

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 3:00pm
475: ReceivingGirl says:

Mr. Observant called me for the first time yesterday and we talked for an hour until my friend showed up and I had to cut him short. He asked me if I saw the previews for the Men in Black movie, whether I liked the first one and if I wanted to see the second one. I said, yes I liked the first one and I would like to see the second one. He replied, “ok, then I won’t watch it.” Awwww

I was worried to begin with hanging out with this friend, cause she drinks a lot, and gets me into situations I don’t want to be in. So, that is exactly what happened. I ended up going home and leaving her at the bar, which I didn’t feel comfortable doing, but with my health stuff that I have going on and I had people coming in the morning, I felt 12:30am was late enough. She wanted to stay out and keep soaking up all this attention she was getting from the men in the bar, even though she wasn’t interested in any of them. She just is addicted to attention.

I felt a little put off because she was supposed to be spending time with me, but she kept checking her phone, her POF, distracted by the room, spending lots of time in the bathroom. I felt like it didn’t even matter if I was there or not. Then, she kept telling these guys my name, but she would tell them a fake name for herself. She was buying some guys shots. There are too many reasons to list as to why this just doesn’t work for me. I also didn’t feel comfortable leaving my house unlocked for her to come home, so she told me she would just sleep in her car, which I told her was crazy, but she did.

I also felt like a bad friend. I was thinking what if something happened to her and then I would have to live with that forever. She is not my responsibility though.

I was very upset by it and I sent Mr. Observant a text saying I knew it was a bad idea. He replied in the morning wanting to hear what happened and to call him if I was awake. So, I called him and we talked for 2 hours, but I had to cut him short again because my dad kept ringing.

We have no problem talking and we just feel comfortable talking for hours. It feels way to easy and doesn’t feel normal. Usually, I take a while to warm up to people, but with him, I just feel so at ease and relaxed. He’s out with his friends now and he’s been texting me too. It feels nice to be thought about.

We will be seeing each other tomorrow. I think he is planning on spraying my bees tomorrow too. OH…I also was invited to a party his separated wife is invited to. I’ve never met her before and he wasn’t invited (at least that I know of).. I feel nervous about that.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 3:32pm
476: Emoticon says:

Oh wow RG that last part sounds so nervous…. really. Does she know of you?

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 3:50pm
477: Lily Medusa says:

I feel jealous of Starla’s boots! I want some cowgirl boots too!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 3:52pm
478: Emoticon says:

I wouldn’t feel guilty abt the thing with your friend. You and your health come first RG and she could have come back with u. She’s her own responsibility.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 3:53pm
479: Starla says:

I went to the pool! It felt really uncomfortable! There were loads and loads of people there and no free chairs, so i layed out on the ground, drawing even more attention to myself, lol. I did feel uncomfortable standing up and walking around, but I’m going to go back tomorrow to practice some more.

I don’t feel like i got all that tan but I’m loving my body this summer and not overdoing it and burning. I put on spf 15 before and came back in after about an hour. I will do that every weekend once or twice a day if I have to… I don’t want to BURN my skin anymore to be beautiful faster, omg (((((((((((((((my body)))))))))))))))))))

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:00pm
480: Starla says:

lily
i love the company Lane Boots
http://www.overstock.com/Clothing-Shoes/Lane-Boots-Womens-Eternal-Grace-Leather-Mid-calf-Boots/5524582/product.html

those are mine, super duper flashy, but they have some beautiful varieties around 100.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:04pm
481: April Rose says:

They are gorgeous boots. I had a look at some of their other ones too. I would struggle to choose a colour, they are all so yummy.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:11pm
482: Lily Medusa says:

Wow, Starla! Coooooool. Those babies will definitely get you attention! I can just imagine you looking all hot with your boots and big dark sunglasses.

Overstock is a great idea – thanks for the suggestion. I clicked on a few of the other Lane Boots they had there and I love them!!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:12pm
483: Starla says:

I am feeling a very strong pull to CF today.

I also feel totally in love with myself

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:14pm
484: April Rose says:

I am working on a set of country music songs to perform with EM.
We’ll need to dress up cowboy style.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:15pm
485: Sassy says:

Emoticon, thank you. And Starla, thank you also. It feels comforting to have some acknowledgement of my posts. My “relationship”, as imaginary as it is, is different, bizarre and ohhhh so complicated. Yes I pretty much know it will always be this way and yes I usually accept his bs. I know deep down that I shouldn’t, but that’s my problem.
CD’ing? Yes, kinda. I am a huge flirt, I love to flirt and interact and listen to men. But I cannot seem to let go of JT. I have tried many many times. It’s a sick crazy game we play. I realize that. I do know, however, that from which his pain comes from and why we both act and do what we do. I don’t have any answers for it. It just is.
And Starla, your body, I have no doubt, is perfect, just the way it is right this moment. As are all of our bodies. We just have to learn to love them and accept them as they are. I finally realized after learning so much about men, that they see us with such different eyes and thoughts than we can e er imagine. We are beautiful to them through the eyes of love.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:16pm
486: Queenbee says:

Omg! I just realized something… HAman has always been in the picture somehow since I moved back to my country a year and a half ago.

Yippeeeee!!! I feel so happy and excited to be over him. I do feel sad when I think about how poorly treated I felt, and I wonder what I did to deserve it But I know that I am enough, in every way! I feel so happy to be over him.

No more pining, no more waiting, hoping and worrying. If I do think about him, I get to the point where all the poor treatment comes up and I feel sad and remember why I don’t want him.

I love myself! I love my boundaries. I love that I can just walk away from a man who is not doing the job of making me happy. I feel so powerful… yay!!!

It took me a while to figure it all out. I suppose I felt confused… like wondering what’s really going on… Luckily, he showed me in no uncertain terms that he could not make me happy lol

This past Wednesday when he came for his lesson, as he says he missed me, and when I ushered him out after his lesson, he looked sad. Lol, what a loser! I’m like dude, if you missed etc, then why didn’t you initiate something… what sort of game is this? Of course I didn’t say that. But so clear…

I feel happy. Babystep through the last remnants of feelings… no HAman to have mancrack feelings about.

I feel so free! Next Saturday, I’m going dancing. Ever since I got back home, it’s been one thing after another…. I’ve never stopped to just be at home and celebrate my homecoming From settling in worries to HAman crap…

I would love to celebrate my homecoming. I realize that I celebrate in private ways… perhaps one day I will celebrate something about me with a whole lot of people I would invite… Mmmh, that would feel so interesting.

I suppose I worry/ get fed up/ bored by all the work it would take… or maybe I worry about all the people I would invite… perhaps too long a list…. 20 is not a bad number. Idk… the budget… mmmh, looks like I have receiving issues It feels like all I do is work, work, work…

I feel like having a party. I feel like starting to sew my own clothes. I feel like taking my glamour shot and treating myself to a yummy piece of chocolate cake.

I’m gonna do it! Yes, ready to take my glamour shot…yay!!

xoxo

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:20pm
487: ReceivingGirl says:

@476 Emoticon

We haven’t discussed their situation yet. I’m sure not. Tomorrow is really our first date.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:21pm
488: ReceivingGirl says:

Should I mention the party to him and how she’s invited? Or should I just not say anything, go and just play it cool? Gosh, I don’t know.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:22pm
489: ReceivingGirl says:

@478 Emoticon

Yes, I know this. Before I found Rori, I would have stayed with her out of guilt and I would have hated being there. This time, I was like, you know what, I’m going to focus on me. If she wants to get herself into trouble it’s not my problem. Except when I got home, I felt like a terrible friend and I had these thoughts about her disappearing or being attacked or whatever and then I’d have to live with the guilt. Everything turned out fine, although, I feel she’s mad at me. Could just be in my head, but I texted her this morning to see if she made it home and she gave a short reply and nothing else.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:26pm
490: ReceivingGirl says:

@479 Starla

Good for you. I would feel uncomfortable too and I probably would have talked myself out of going. I feel happy you pushed through it and went. It will be easier next time!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:28pm
491: Queenbee says:

I’m starting a new life

Hey Starla, I love your boots – very cool!

I’ve also been working out and still have some ‘problem’ areas. I’m pretty sure mine is my diet… I’m vegetarian also. I’ve decided to cut out dairy and start juicing my veggies again. That really helps me to feel more toned.

It’s also probably time to get my teeth cleaned…

Yogurt works wonders for the face

xoxo

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:28pm
492: Daria says:

oh my! on my way to South Beach Miami super poppin function!

gettin a ride from an online cd to a bus stop!

sigh feelin a lil overwhelmed!

heard traffic is terrible… wondering if my bus will make it thru…

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:29pm
493: Queenbee says:

Hi ReceivingGirl

Love to you Siren!

xoxo

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:30pm
494: Starla says:

Thank you ladies:) There were lots of women with perfect bodies at the pool, and lots of buff guys, too… it felt nerve wracking but I just kept reminding myself i was entitled to sunbathe and feel beautiful in the sun.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:30pm
495: Emoticon says:

Starla…. the boots…. HOTT i love them they make me feel all diva country super star like…. i hope u felt that way in them too

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:31pm
496: Emoticon says:

RG u are a good friend. But you are also a good friend to YOURSELF. You don’t owe anybody anything. You were nice and spent time with your friend and now its little RG’s turn 4 some attention and some R&R….. hey what can u say?

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:32pm
497: ReceivingGirl says:

Starla, them boots are rockin’! I love the colors!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:33pm
498: Emoticon says:

Daria… have fun girl

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:34pm
499: ReceivingGirl says:

Hi Queenbee!

Thank you and back at ya!
xoxo

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:34pm
500: Emoticon says:

Soooo…. I FOUND A PLACE TO STAY…. so I can take my job n yay me! I will be a working lady in the city of nueva yorkeee…. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw lol. I wanna chill with my friend at a coffee shop after work n everything heehee

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:36pm
501: ReceivingGirl says:

@496 Emoticon

I know and I felt good that I was a friend to myself and I went home to sleep. I felt proud of myself for that.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:36pm
502: ReceivingGirl says:

@500 Emoticon

That’s great news!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:38pm
503: ReceivingGirl says:

I’m going to go out and buy a new pair of sandals for my date tomorrow. I have to decide what I’m going to wear. I also need a signal booster for my phone. I lost my call with him about 6 times yesterday and sometimes it’s hard to understand through the breaking up. I want to know that I have heard and understood all of our conversations. He made a joke telling me I have a perfect excuse to ditch guys by saying my phone service sucks. LOL After the 5th time I said, I’m really NOT hanging up on you!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:40pm
504: Emoticon says:

Funny thing is, everytime i’m in new york i get offers for other jobs, like modelling. I usually turn them down but this year I am taking them on. Because I wanna get myself out there n make some extra $$$.

Oh also, this guy is making a pop beat for me so I will be recording some music . He’s doing it for FREE. Life is too sweet right now.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:48pm
505: Emoticon says:

Thank you RG!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:48pm
506: Starla says:

Emoticon, that is awesome! I feel so excited for you!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 4:49pm
507: Starla says:

I just ordered myself some amazing sushi and seafood and i have star trek TNG on the tv and i’m cleaning up my beautiful apartment, ahhh life is so good and i love me so much.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 5:25pm
508: Queenbee says:

Wow! So cool Emoticon. I love NYC! Congratulations!!

xoxo

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 5:42pm
509: Radlove says:

Jessie,

444 – Ohhhh noooooooo! I LOVE your writing! I feel so bad if I wasn’t clear! I was seriously suggesting that your writing is so good that you would do well to submit those posts as articles to Cosmopolitan.

And pleeaaasssse, never apologize for writing too much here! I say those who write the most receive the most healing and growth!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 5:47pm
510: Emoticon says:

Thank you Starla and QueenBee

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 5:54pm
511: Brandylion says:

Oh, blech! I went back to AkronCD’s profile a little bit ago to see specifically his religious leanings–he said earlier this week that he went to 12 yrs of Catholic school, and I didn’t remember what he’d said about that in his profile–and he just texted me to ask if I saw anything in his profile that I liked. Eww, eww, eww.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 6:46pm
512: Starla says:

Okay, Mancrack Detox has me alone with my feelings and fears and anxieties tonight! We are gonna make friends!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 6:48pm
513: Emoticon says:

Brandylion I went to Catholic School too, and was Catholic till i was 19. But at that time in ur life your religious affiliation is really that of ur parents. It doesnt mean anything

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 6:49pm
514: Starla says:

brandylion, why ew?

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 6:49pm
515: Brandylion says:

I replied that I feel really yucky and completely turned off reading that.

I feel shaky for being that brave.

He asked why.

I wrote back that I feel watched, and I feel clung to and weighed down.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 6:50pm
516: Emoticon says:

Oh u said eww bcause he knew u were on his profile? hmmm i was confused lol

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 6:57pm
517: Brandylion says:

This man’s energy is not a giving energy, he’s a wanting-something-from-me man, or however Rori put it in TMR.

It was not even ten minutes after I’d been on the site that he texted me. Maybe it was meant to be flirtatious, but I read it as wanting reassurance. He’s written and said a number of other things that came across as clingy and needy in the last week, and when he first established email contact in April (he poofed for several weeks).

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:06pm
518: ReceivingGirl says:

I bought a skirt you can also wear as a dress & 3 pairs of sandals from Ross.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:08pm
519: Emoticon says:

Soooo…. i JUST bought my ticket to NY and nowww my sister tells me she’s driving to NY on Monday… wow. Let’s hope I can get a refund. That would be purrrr-fect

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:08pm
520: Emoticon says:

I will call at 8am 2moro to ask for a refund. Even if i don’t get it, I will still travel with my sister so that I don’t have to worry about busses and trains with my luggage although I can handle it! well….. that gives me one more day in Baltmore!! What to do on this lovely weekend?

One CD wanted me to wait for him to get back b4 i leave, but that would mean me missing work and missing $$$$ so…. how bout no. lol, though i miss him.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:13pm
521: Sirenity says:

Hi jessie1000. I saw that movie too and I didnt feel comfortable about a few things.

The take home message seemed to be that the man would lose his masculinity and become a caricature if he did follow a successful woman for the sake of her career. In fact to keep the woman he had to SETTLE. Gone was the dream of running his own iconic restaurant, He ended up driving a glorified hot dog van while she climbed higher up the ivory tower. I lost my respect for him as a man.

Sure they married in the end, but I couldnt see it lasting while he was always compromising and following her career.

This kind of thing played out in my marriage so the film triggered me. It was the other way around .At first I followed him, even though his career was lower status , lesser pay etc. He had potential to make more of it. He didnt . I got VERY resentful that I gave up a lot and he ignored me and neglected me completely. It was a bad dynamic. It was also a common one at the time.

I was talking to my son who is dating girls on his own career path plus a couple with very different lives. Smart young man has already figured the best marital partnership would probably be with a woman in his field. We were talking about this before isaw the movie.

I am feeling hope that I may met a partner who is mobile with work , active and adventurous now I am in my fifties and all this “stuff” is done. I am not career buulding , I am enriching and that feels different.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:14pm
522: Starla says:

I feel guilty when i feel turned off by a man, and it quickly turns to anger. I feel unworthy to just be simply turned off, so I always end up making it into a bigger slight so I can have justified anger, and not have to own feeling turned off by them.

i am worthy to be turned off, no matter my flaws.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:14pm
523: Brandylion says:

Yeah, Emoticon, it’s not the knowing that I was on his profile that just feels gross–anyone whose profile I visit can see I was there–it was the contacting me about having been on it, and so soon after I’d visited.

I feel proud of myself for not explaining why I was there. I feel uncertain if that’s something I should be proud of, or if it was an over-reaction. Maybe the intensity of that response was my intuition looking out for me?

Although, I do feel leery of even going on a date with someone who declares a religious leaning, as I know that is not something I want in my life (I am an atheist). I realize there is a HUGE difference between having faith and being so devout you’ve considered being a priest and haven’t ruled it out yet (a la PriestCD, my ex-boyfriend), but I feel *terrified* of the conflict that the difference in faith and religious practices can bring and I just want to avoid it. I think one thing I learned from that past relationship is that that’s a deal-breaker.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:17pm
524: Emoticon says:

Oh I wasn’t the only one who didn’t like think like a man? I guess its a Siren thang!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:19pm
525: Starla says:

i guess i’ve been operating under this idea/belief that it’s better to be angry/wounded than cold/turned off. I don’t want to be thought of as a snob.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:21pm
526: CurvySiren10 says:

Brandylion, the faith/religious thing became a dealbreaker for me in my marriage. There were other issues as well, but we were on such totally separate pages there. It really was a huge factor in the demise of our relationship sadly.

Now it’s one of those non-negotiables for me. I have to be with someone who’s on the same page with me in regards to religion.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:23pm
527: Emoticon says:

Yes Brandylion u really don’t have to explain 2 him. Maybe he was just so excited that you were there. Some guys like attention like that. Ive had guys ask me to like their FB photos and ask me to go through their FB page when i wasnt at all interested in doing that

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:24pm
528: Brandylion says:

Starla, #522: YES! I feel angry too! And like, why should I feel turned off by this? Is it really *that* big a deal? Did you see how I rationalized in one of those last posts–”maybe it was meant to be flirtatious”?

I just feel turned off, and I have to own it.

(((me))) It’s okay to feel turned off by a man. I don’t have to take whomever shows up and feel good just because he showed up. It’s okay to be picky and choosy about whose arrow I take. I am worth picking an arrow that feels good. ((((ME)))

(I wrote that whole last paragraph in the second person, and then went back to make it first. Hmmm, I feel interested why I started writing it as if talking to someone else instead of to myself.)

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:26pm
529: Emoticon says:

CurvySiren10,

Interesting that you said that because I have a friend who is a die-hard Atheist and not willing to compromise on that or on how her children will be raised. Athough she somehow said one time that she wanted them to be baptized, just not in her boyfriend’s church. Yet, she’s not willing to marry a Christian, and her bf’s christian. I’m so confused about it all, but I just don’t say anything anymore.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:32pm
530: Starla says:

feeling angry at men for turning you off probably means you’re operating in a scarcity mentality, like “how dare you, potential suitor, turn me off! don’t you know you’re supposed to keep me interested and attract me because i’m scared no one else will!?!!?”

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:33pm
531: Brandylion says:

My best friend had an astute observation about this guy. I think I mentioned on here how intense and negative our first conversation was. She said that he has a narrative that he’s telling himself that he’s scary, and then he says and does scary things, and then when someone doesn’t want to continue contact, he gets confirmation that he’s scary.

It’s totally the same thing we do when we don’t deeply believe that we are worthy of love–we say and do things that don’t let a man close, and then he leaves, and then we get confirmation that we aren’t worthy!

That’s the essence of the needy/clingy vibe!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:38pm
532: Emoticon says:

Starla, you’re right about that. The more you think “oh well, i have 1000 other men waiting at my door wanting to turn me on anyway” the more you dont really get mad about being turned off. ONE cd….. i get turned off by a lot, i have no idea why…. but somehow i like him so much. And maybe thats why I get turned off by him so much. Because I like him soooo much, I just dont EXPECT some of the crap he does at all…. or i dont want him to do it. When really he’s just gonna do what he wants to do. And if i didnt care about him that much or feel like i want him in my life so much so im almost rooting for him to act better than other CDs, then it wouldnt turn me off half as much.

Thats me CDing WRONG lol….what ever happened to treating everyone equal… I care about him so deeply though! its crazy! sigh

Now i just feel so guilty.
Y am i holding him to a much higher standard than other CDs?
Or rather y am i holding other CDs ti a lower standard?

Hmm this is making me feel so confused and light headed!!!

I dont even wanna think about it anymore

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:39pm
533: Emoticon says:

Ah Brandylion…. so true! Thank you so much for sharing your friend’s observation

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:42pm
534: Brandylion says:

Starla, yes! There aren’t a lot of men showing up right now at all. Really, this guy is the only one I’m in contact with right now. Well, was. Even PoF is a bust–one guy wanted to chat and then text (I said I wanted real contact, and he poofed), and the other one lives in South Carolina.

I suppose I could send winks back to the men on Match who sent me winks in the last couple of days (just put a profile up there a few days ago).

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:44pm
535: Emoticon says:

I feel like leaning forward with my bff/ex/cd to see him before i go to NY but Im not… i wanna clean up this entire house before I leave. At the rate things are going I won’t even be able to see him nezt weekend either… People already own my time. Party friday night with the bff, saturday date with RADLOVE….. then movie with my friend Aquilla… Sunday come spend time with my roomate since i will be gone so much (will miss her) and then its back to the big apple

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:46pm
536: Brandylion says:

Other men will show up. Better-for-me men will show up.

Other men will show up. Better-for-me men will show up.

Other men will show up. Better-for-me men will show up.

Trust the Universe to bring me what I need just when I need it. Maybe I need a Universe box.

Maybe the Universe is telling me I have other things to be focusing my energy on right now?

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:50pm
537: Emoticon says:

awww this guy on FB just asked me why i never contact him first. I said “I feel uncomfortable initiating conversation between me and a guy. I feel wayyy better if a guy contacts me first instead of the other way around”

He said “I’m the same way with girls, but with you I just can’t help it!”

The SIREN SPELL….

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 7:57pm
538: Emoticon says:

((((((( Brandylion))))))) more men to you!!! Better men to you!!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:04pm
539: Starla says:

OMG HOLY SH*T
my neighbor put a missed connection ad up on craigslist for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:04pm
540: ReceivingGirl says:

Mr. Observant text me asking how my evening was going. I like how he communicates, he actually shares things with me about his family, his kids, his job, his adoption, his father’s death, etc. and I don’t have to ask. He gives me detailed info on his plans. Like he just text me telling me about the movie he & his friends are going to rent. I feel included in his life, even though I’m not there. I feel thought of, regarded, longed for and missed.

But then, my brain goes into overdrive and I start worrying, what if he’s just rebounding? Is this too much? Is he too into me? Am I just his distraction?

He didn’t go on POF for a few days this week, but I saw he was on today. I’m actually feeling kind of glad he’s still on it. It’s weird, but I feel safer that he is for now. I felt kind of worried yesterday, my friend was trying to look him up and couldn’t find him and I thought maybe he deleted his account because he seems so into me.

Awww…he just told me he’s looking forward to tomorrow. I hope he brings up something about his situation. I think that will make me feel better and not be so cautious if I hear him talk about it.

Well, I’m falling asleep at the computer, so it’s bed time even though laundry isn’t finished yet.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:06pm
541: Starla says:

i feel incredible. that was just what i needed this weekend to set my NVs straight.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:07pm
542: ReceivingGirl says:

@539 Starla

Did he talk about the hot chica sunbathing at the pool today?

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:09pm
543: Jessie1000 says:

I had a nice day in the sun.

It was slow and kids were happy playing.

I feel happy to be single today and Im looking forward to working out tomorrow.

And eating.
Cause Im hungry.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:10pm
544: Emoticon says:

Starla, I dont understand what u mean by a “missed connection ad”

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:12pm
545: Brandylion says:

Hmmm, this whole situation could have been avoided if I’d just declined further contact after that icky-feeling first call, or even walked away from that conversation.

Noted.

I do not have to give multiple chances to someone when interacting with them feels icky. That goes for everyone, not just men.

Remember this, me.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:13pm
546: Emoticon says:

My NV are telling me that im stupidfor not knowing what that is…. and letting everyone know that Im stupid by telling Starla, that I didnt know.

Its okay NVs, it doesnt matter that I dont know. And I will find out…. I’m not stupid just for that!!! They are okay with me not knowing and I’m okay with me not knowing, because it doesnt make me stupid for not knowing!!!!! oops sorry for yelling at you, I was just trying to tell yall that its not that serious…. and I guess trying to defend myself, but thats what u get for calling me stupid.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:16pm
547: Jessie1000 says:

Sirenity.
Yah, it was just like the movie was an opposite sketch except then men get to see what its like to follow a woman for her career and lose yourself and give so much that the love disappears.

There were a few times when he called himself the “girl” lol as if it would only be a female who could possible follow someone around.

The moral of the story is dont follow the woman and she will still love u….I think and it is likely a socially popular ending but I dont think it should be that way….

Nice to chat with u girl!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:17pm
548: Starla says:

542 ReceivingGirl, no hehe it’s from a couple days ago.

I feel so relieved for the reminder that lots of men will find me to be so gorgeous they can’t get me out of their heads, just by being myself and smiling.

My NVs had been telling me since I moved here that this particular neighbor thinks I’m stupid because I’m always smiling and peaceful and happy when I see him/have friendly brief neighbor convos with him. But it turns out this has totally captivated him. The poor boy posted on craigslist about it.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:19pm
549: Emoticon says:

Awww Starla that must feel awesome. Everybody wants a chance to get to know the Goddess huh?

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:21pm
550: Starla says:

Emoticon
http://newyork.craigslist.org/search/mis/?query=m4w

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:24pm
551: Jessie1000 says:

Brandylion!

At least ur dating.
At least ur getting out there and trying to talk to them and prob. weeding out the wierdys.

You cant find nothing if you dont look for something.

Good for you. Id rather be a professional internet dater than sitting in the house by myself.

I got a message this morning.

He said….are you bossy?
I thought wow, thats an opener.

I said probably, yah….because all women are bossy, arent they?

He said good! I want u to put me in servitude and beat me and make me ur s** slave like the Fu***ing Shi** that I am. Lol

Oh my experiences.

1 Dude flat out, first message was Give me a BJ!!! OmG what a pig.

Finally, this afternoon, a dude sent me his private pics cause I dont like talking to someone if I dont see their face…its a waste of time for me.

Dude was sooo sick…gorgeous. I told him so. First question? Do you like S**X? What a stupid question and who would answer that?

Lol at least I didnt have any drunk driving maniacs or married hair dressers. lol

Kisses everyone!
I still would rather keep dating though than do nothing….Lol

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:27pm
552: Emoticon says:

Starla…. u sought-out diva u

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:30pm
553: Emoticon says:

Feeling so free to ask CDs for help with stuff. It feels good to not have to do everything by myself….

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:34pm
554: Starla says:

:) I am sought out. I feel really apologetic when I say that, though. Like I’m not good enough or pretty enough to be sought out.

But, I am! I am sought out. I have nothing to worry about:). I don’t need a profile on a site or even to do the 5 second stare/smile, all I need to do is work on me and focus on me and they will always seek me out.

I feel pleased:)

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 8:59pm
555: Starla says:

If there is one thing I have never had to worry about, it’s a lack of suitors and admirers. I feel like I shouldn’t say that out loud, because I am not considered ‘desirable’ enough to say something conceited. I am a self-deluded ugly/fat girl ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

but it’s true=/. i’m sorry=/ it’s true. everywhere i go, admirers and suitors appear. it is effortless, ever since i was young. even though the majority of my peers growing up talked about me and to me like i was just gross and not cute at all. i still feel like they set the ‘truth’ about me, though. so i feel scared to let people know how easy it is for me to attract men, because I don’t want them to think I’m delusional since the ‘truth’ is that i’m not desirable.

ahhhhhhhh
i’m 27. i seriously am not a teenager any more.
but i don’t feel entitled to own my seductive nature and qualities. that would contradict the ‘truth’ i picked up in my childhood/teens that i’m undesirable.

i don’t want to worry that people will look at me and think ‘oh that poor girl is trying to make people believe she’s not as disgusting and stupid as we know she is”

I had all these sorts of NVs with my neighbor, and it turns out he is actually very attracted to me.

hmmmm

i can shed my skin and the labels on it.
i feel scared=/
it’s okay though

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 9:55pm
556: Sirenity says:

Hi Jess, yes great to connect here.

Yeah that movie had so many mixed “morals” that i felt entirely confused about how any smart young woman is ever going to feel happy being true to herself and still loving a strong masculine man!

EMK talks about related issues quite a lot on his blog. He seems to try and show smart successful women how to stop looking for someone as gorgeous smart or successful as they are and allow themselves to gradually fall in love with Mr genuine nice guy who may not meet all their wish list requirements.

I dont recall reading anything there about what to do about conflicting career issues like this .

Does any one know if Rori has addressed this?

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 9:58pm
557: Sirenity says:

Hi Jess, yes great to connect here.

Yeah that movie had so many mixed “morals” that i felt entirely confused about how any smart young woman is ever going to feel happy being true to herself and still loving a strong masculine man!

Blahh I feel like I am being serious and nit picking and negative…

I dont recall reading anything here about what to do about conflicting career issues like this .

Does any one know if Rori has addressed this?

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:01pm
558: Starla says:

yoga for relaxation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6XqCI7IbvE

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:31pm
559: Emoticon says:

(((((((Starla))))))) if it matters i dont think ur undesirable. Ur beautiful and 2 me ur jus toooo cute.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 10:33pm
560: Jenny says:

I feel so darn good and happy right now.

I told yesterday cd I useally gets up around 0700 in the morning. 0737 he text em, wished me good morning and wanted to check up if todays plan was on…if I still wanted to meet him.
He had to change the plan a little; meet me earlier then planed – and since I’m free before the date, it was ok.
Feeling little sad, the date will be shorter then planed.

I choose to feel happy for just meeting…feels better, and why focus of feeling sad? Yeah I feel sad since I like being with him – and want as much time I can get I feel selfish.

…now getting ready, getting breakfast, need to do things.

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 11:13pm
561: Emoticon says:

Happy Bday 2 SMB…

go go go go go shawty… its ur birthday
we gonna party like its ur birthday
we gon sip bacardi like its ur birthday!!!!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 11:22pm
562: Starla says:

Thanks, Emoticon:)

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 11:33pm
563: Emoticon says:

So this CD who moved 2 hrs away last weekend….. calls me NOW to tell me he’s on the way 2 my house. He txt me 30 secs ago 2 say he’s outside. Im like wtf….

Saturday, 26 May 2012 @ 11:40pm
564: Daria says:

I did it! i made it to south beach.. and back

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:16am
565: Emoticon says:

Daria, how was it?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:21am
566: Starla says:

Oh yum today felt so yum. I spent the whole day doing nice stuff for me.

Thank you, Starla, for getting me snacks for the pool
Thank you for taking me to the pool
Thank you for not chickening out because there weren’t any open chairs there
Thank you for not laying out too long and getting burned
Thank you for ordering me good sushi
Thank you for brushing my teeth
Thank you for flossing my teeth
Thank you for taking care of my face
Thank you for moisturizing my skin
Thank you for wearing sunblock
Thank you for doing yoga
Thank you for doing pilates

((((((((((((starla))))))))))))))))))

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:27am
567: Daria says:

wow Starla!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:28am
568: Daria says:

Emoticon – it felt live and chill at the same time…

i was feelin all sad and shut down tho from stress about asking my parents for help now that CD got verbal abusive and turns out he had only paid one week of the hotel

this guy who i would not have tlaked to started talkin to me and he actually amde me feel better

he got me food and tried to take me to a couple parties we never found and then took me to the room and wants to take me grocery shoppin tomorrow

i feel bad – i got into Piny mode – with this one guy i met we got along so well! but when i asked him to take me somewhere he was like “ima busy man”

and to me thats sounding like “i dont like you that much”

and it feels sad cuz im PINING for him!

and yes i did actually text him yesterday when i was feelin tense by myself

miss u . the guy freaked out and im feelin kina tense bein alone

he still hasnt responded

wow

piny!

i feel piny!

omg i felt so connected with this guy!

thats how i want to feel w men!

this lats guy that was nice to me i felt good that he was takin care of me,

but i feel kinda scared of him, he seems so quiet and myseterious, like he might have an alcohol or anger problem

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:35am
569: Daria says:

on Monday nite im gonna go to a Trina performance… women in for free

tomorrow ima get down there early!

a guy helped me get a ride part way and ive been meeting at least one new man everyday

i feel so sad not having that guy i felt connected to contacting me and wanting to spend all day and nite w me

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:38am
570: Daria says:

i can feel piny and drawn to explore his pictures to look for ‘clues’ of why he may not be available or like me…

he probably DID like me i mean it was late, we smoked a blunt, he coulda left but no we went to smoke Another one

we had full engaged convo the whole time

he wanted to go to a strip club – oh yeah guys here do that! – on monday

hes gonna go during the day and he was so excited about holding ass i felt jealous (after he left)

i didnt get up till after he did and he wanted to hug me and i didnt say a super empathic bye

and he left…

and then i wante dto make sure hes not thinking im not felein him so i textd him that plus i wouldve wanted some male to be there that i felt comfortable with and he was the one i felt was trustworthy

AND he still aint hit me

he probably is just that busy

he probably wanted sex

or…

he got jealous of me talking about other guys

or posting on tagged

((((Daria))))

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:44am
571: Daria says:

i was feeling so chattery and ON

he HAD to have liked me

but maybe it was in that i love her as a solid guy friend way

ugh

i had a feeling i shoula been more quiet and just practiced sinking in and receiving his words

accchk

he talked a lot too

amybe even more than me?

no maybe i talked more

ack

but i feel so comfy chattering – and it seems to bring me those guys like Dman and guywho and this guy that i feel connected to but they dont get to feel it romantically for me

pffff

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:46am
572: Daria says:

ok im on his profile, he just logged in lats 3 hours ago

uhmmm

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:51am
573: Daria says:

oh girls here are so nice too!

i damn near got a new friend on the bus, but i felt so shy and shut down i kina ran away

i think they were gonna ask me to hang out with them!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:53am
574: Daria says:

ohh i see he’s friends with this girl workin as a prostitute and i think i get it now!

he wanted me to offer him sex and he would pay for it thats why he was tellin me about how he loves to pay the strippers

AND THEN I ASKED HIM TO TAKE ME TO THE STRIP CLUB !!! LOL!

his plan like… failed!

hahahahaha

okay that feels like a relief

whew

no wonder

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:56am
575: Daria says:

no wonder Goddess said its healthy for me to look at his page! (i asked)

it helped me shift my perspective

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:00am
576: Daria says:

wow i feel so relieved!

im tempted to offere him sex if he pays for my hotel for another week

id want to do it w him for free!

lol

but im not gonna actually offer that to him thank goodness

he can come look for it

im sure he will or someone better

wow thank u perspective shift!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:02am
577: Daria says:

instead, theres this cute guy who lives far away but whos been contacting me monthly for years

hehe

i like THAT

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:08am
578: Daria says:

well even more i like when a guy comes and sees me AND contacts me

ok so this florida guy did come to see me…

but hasnt contacted me

wow i really DONT feel all taht piny at all anymore

what a realief

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:10am
579: Daria says:

remind myself… he mentioned strip club to try to get me to open up and offer him to pay for sex lol…

but instead i got all excited and wanted to come!

ok now im not feelin so sure anymore

it felt so good thinking that the first tiem

ACK

mfff

well it likely IS true… remember the girl who prositutes thats his friend? !

heeee

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:12am
580: Daria says:

I’m feeling way less piny though:). As I write this I feel sigh smily giddy

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:33am
581: Radlove says:

Silver Moonbeam!!!! “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
― Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!

If I were there on your birthday, and money were no object, I would bake you a big cake and bring all our friends from across the world to sing happy birthday to you and treat you like a queen for the day at a spa! A massage, a pedicure, a manicure, a facial, and whatever your beautiful heart deserves and wants! Then we would all go out to eat!

I love you and I feel thankful that you are in my life!

Much Love, Me

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:40am
582: Daria says:

Happy Birthday Silver Moonbeam!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:43am
583: Radlove says:

Ha! CO would have asked me out this weekend….

BUT THIS SIREN ALREADY HAD PLANS!!

Go social Siren!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:45am
584: Silver Moonbeam says:

#581 Radlove

THANK YOU SO MUCH ))))))))))

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:48am
585: Ella says:

Hello Sirens,

How are you all?

Haven’t read up yet.

I was at my friend’s wedding yesterday… it was such a nice day.

Now I am feeling a little afraid to return to the reality of my everyday life with all its challenges.

I suppose I need to flip that thought?

Hmmm.

Yesterday felt lovely though. Really romantic and special.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 2:24am
586: Ella says:

Ummm, Is it leaning forward for me to add pics of me and MWC from yesterday to FB and tag them?

I just feel curious as I have done it already (2 pics) and I feel totally fine about it… but just wondered if it would technically be viewed as leaning forward?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 2:26am
587: Ella says:

Also… I feel completely loved and respected and adored and cherished by MWC at the moment.

And I do feel a tinsy bit bothered that he has not relationship requested me on FB…

Feels weird like he hasn’t claimed me on there or made it official there, although he has everywhere else including real life.

I feel kinda mixed about it…

Because part of me thinks that its not real until there is a ring anyway… so there is not much point in changing my relationship status on there… and plus its not real anyway. Its just facebook.

And another part of me feels like ‘Waaaa! Why hasn’t he asked me I want him to ask me!’

And I think that part feels stronger.

So how might I bring this up with him without leaning forward or overfunctioning.

A small part of me feels paranoid that maybe it has something to do with that he is friend’s with his ex on there…

But no. I don’t really think it is that… as he is very open about our relationship, and I am there when she drops the dog off in the morning after the weekend.

But… I dunno… I guess I just kinda want him to ask me on there too.

Cus it feels romantic, and official, like being claimed.

And I want that.

How do I talk to him about this or deal with this? Or should I try to find a way to let it go?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 2:33am
588: Ella says:

Feeling soooo frustrated about money right now too.

Just feels like I can never make any headway.

Its safe to say my relationship with money right now is NOT feeling good.

I am feeling frustrated, angry and hopeless.

I feel like I can’t win!

Maybe I should lean back?

My landlord for my Pole Fitness Business had a Feng Shui expert to the building the other day and she did my room too.

She said the mirror was in totally the wrong place for building a successful business, in fact it was in the place that would make a business fail!

Urgh.

So anyway he moved it for me… But the issue is that I wanted to put a mirror up on that wall, well 2 long mirrors on that wall and one on the back of the door where apparently it is ok… and I really want/need the mirrors there for people to be able to use them and see their body position whilst they are using the pole…

So I feel confused and unsure about what to do.

I don’t even know if I believe in Feng Shui… although I do believe in energy and the LOA I think, so I suppose it follows that Feng Shui also has some merit?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:31am
589: Daria says:

I’m Abt 30 yrs old…

I’ve had sex w 22 men

I had good sex w one and great head from 2.

Neither was good the last time tho.

And cuz left me. Well not true. I left him. He actually committed verbally (and actionably now I see) to have me be his mistress for life.

Wow he was never gona abandon me. How sweet of Jim

I forgive him!

I cry

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:37am
590: Daria says:

Omg he knew all along

He intended the best for me

Ong my insides

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:39am
591: Daria says:

I fell in love w 3 others so obviously thoes aren’t related.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:41am
592: Daria says:

I really feel like I’ll never be the same after tonight that’s what I prayed for.

I moved thru something big

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:42am
593: Femininewoman says:

Happy Belated Birthday Silver Moonbeam

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:45am
594: Daria says:

When I read the post Abt fengvshui I feel fear that my fame area is covered by a huge sliding window door.

I feel not confit table

I feel stuck.

A part of my being already knows how to use the debt shui fame area

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:45am
595: Daria says:

I’m in this room now w better fame demo shui and indeed I almost made girlfriends like 10 on the bus and guys are on me online!

It’s a mating feast here olschool style like they use to do in Romania in the villages hehe popppin !

Ppl comin together to meet people at the mating market to meet someone to mate with hehe and I’m here!

I felt do shut down and self conscious yesterday in my stunning dress that would’ve killed everyone otherwise that ppl Thot i weren’t even interested in participating I was jus a passerby

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:51am
596: Femininewoman says:

Sirenty about the article on career, I remember seeing one about a high profile political couple here in the US, each were connected to a different couple.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:53am
597: Daria says:

I don’t feel comfortable doin the 5 second look am connecting w some men

I fear they’re gona overwhelm me rush me n control me and limit me and beat me abuse me control me and Block me from having what I want (more men? Freedom?)

I feel scared I don’t want to be caged

This feels scary

Dad stuff

I can control how close they get

Connected, I just get what I want

Not overwhelmed.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:54am
598: Daria says:

That was deep yo. I feel ready to have good sex. I intend to pick men that I can have good sex with.

Sigh.

Thanks Daria

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:01am
599: Femininewoman says:

Ella I felt constricted and tight reading your comments about Feng shui. I wonder if your feelings about it could cause the energy to be stuck regardless. Wonder if your energy is open and relaxed and allowing if your abundance will flow in regardless of the position of the mirror.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:13am
600: Ella says:

FW

I don’t know.

I am feeling SO angry about this right now.

Every time I think I am getting on top of this… and there is light at the end of the tunnel it gets all messed up again.

I am feeling totally tight and constricted about it all.

I used to feel loose and flowy with money and that was wrong too because I just landed up in a ton of debt!

I honestly feel so tight and frustrated I could throw something.

My back feels soooooo tense in between my shoulders.

I give up.

I don’t know the best way.

Nor do I know the best way to eat for me to stay slim and healthy… whether that be listening to my body and eating what I want or using some guidelines and restrictions to give myself what is thought of as a healthy diet.

I feel hella angry (not at you FW) – I don’t have the answers and it all feels kinda pointless cus I never seem to make much difference anyway.

Or that is how it feels right now anyway.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:23am
601: sophie says:

I feel so anxious and needy today – ergh – woke up with it and I haven’t been able to shake it Have been trying to focus on me and being in the present moment – am by the sea and its beautiful but its overcast and I’m restless – overfunctioned on Internet by ‘smiling’ at someone who I like and who hasnn’t contacted me in a bit – and posted a new photo of myself that I took myself which I’m now feeling cringy about because maybe its stupid don’t feel sireny feel needy and anxious – i AM needy and anxious I don’t like going through break ups and I am trying to find things to make me feel better and less abandoned and less panicky thank you for letting me spam blog

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:48am
602: sophie says:

And then…I think My word!!! I make suuch a big thing out of everything! I sent a man a smile in a message – I am lovely and beautiful and he’s not going to recoil and run in the other direction and if he does then he does there wiill be a man who is also lovely and beautiful who will not run in the other direction Ok – gonna try doing some more positive vibeing to shift my energies

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:55am
603: Emoticon says:

(((((((Daria))))))))

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:43am
604: Aurora Girl says:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73ynLnUFLkQ

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:46am
605: Emoticon says:

Ella, I often feel weird about guys uploading pics of me on FB (AND tagging) without my permission. Its something i let my friends get away with and my familt members or maaaaybe a male friend. I dont want your uploading of the pics to make him place you in any of those categories.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:48am
606: Emoticon says:

Ella if you choose to speak about the relatonship req…. please use FMs PLEASE….. I witnessed something that even made me feel bad. My CD that I had had the awful dream about this week was sooooo in love with his ex gf, but actually let her break up with him rather than change his relationship status to in a relationship. Simply in a relationship not “in a relationship with ______” its weird. :S i felt bad for her at the time we talked about everything. People are funny about Social Networks. One CD that is committed to me has no FB (sigh of relief really) He follows me on twitter but i dont think he reads every tweet (although I dont care if he does) I dont read all his tweets. We didnt do the whole “twubby and twifey” thing in our profile descriptions. But i guess with exclusivity it may have been different… mayyyybe….. some things i like to leave off of those SN sites.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:55am
607: Ella says:

Emoticon.

Ok. Thanks. And I hear you.

However this man says he loves me and wants to marry me… so… if he is not ok with me uploading and tagging some photos on FB then something is very amiss.

I feel ok about doing it I think…

My friends do it to me all the time and I feel ok with it. If I don’t I would just un-tag myself.

I just feel curious about whether it is leaning forward or not when you do it with a guy you are in a relationship with…

xoxox

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:56am
608: ReceivingGirl says:

Ohhh…Mr. Observant just invited me to go out with his friends before we go on our date. I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know if these are friends I know. I think it may be, which then doesn’t feel so scary. But, if it’s friends I don’t know, it feels scary and we haven’t even had a date. Then, I think how BoatGuy didn’t bring me around his friends and how I felt like a secret, so this is better. EEEkkk!!! I don’t know how to respond.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:01am
609: Emoticon says:

Daria when I read that you only had sex with 22 men at thirty, it made me feel judgemental of myself because I am at more or less 8 (i stopped counting) and thought it didnt really matter in my adult life.

My NVs keep screaming YOU HOE! In the next eight years ur probably gonna f*ck like 30 guys.

Now I feel turned on by that idea.
I feel guilty for getting turned on by that.
Sigh

I feel sad now.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:02am
610: Emoticon says:

(((((((Ella)))))))))) May u be debt free soon love!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:06am
611: Emoticon says:

Ella Im sorry, I was relating it more from my point of view. If I were exclusive with and committed to a guy, I would not feel flustered by a relationship request OR by pictures being tagged of me….. nor would I feel uncomfortable about tagging pictures of him.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:09am
612: Ella says:

Thanks Emoticon.

xoxox

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:24am
613: Emoticon says:

So…. guy who showed up here at almost 3am… I talked to him for about 15 mins and then I got sleepy and told him that Im going to bed. Then he started kissing on me and stuff. I let him do it for a couple mins then i stopped and said im going to bed again. He kept telling how I turn him on so much. I was like -_- … then when i got up so we could part ways he lifts me up against a wall trying to start up the kissing again I was like no, stop, i jus wanna go to sleep. Then he left, but kept saying how i kicked him out.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:27am
614: Radlove says:

Moonbeam,

584 – You’re welcome, Birthday Girl! I love you bunches! Hugs! B

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:31am
615: Ella says:

Re sleeping with guys.

I stopped counting.

Sex is a natural part of life… and we don’t count how many people we kiss, or how many people we laugh with, or how many people we date!

Lol.

I wonder how it would feel to make sex less important, how we relate and communicate, connections and the quality of our relationships more important, and allow the whole thing to feel lighter and less judgment filled?

Just feels like a good approach for me anyway.

The only reason I would not sleep with a guy if I wanted to, is because I am currently choosing to be comitted to someone, AND I know that for me, it feels MUCH, MUCH better to wait until I feel completely comfortable with a guy and know he’s gonna stick around.

So the only reason I would wait is to help myself feel good in the long term. AND I have experimented with this to see what felt right for me.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:32am
616: Emoticon says:

I didnt feel good aorund him yesterday. first of all he tells me he is in Baltimore at 2:30 am and then comes over here saying “because it was on his way home” but then acts like he expects to sleep over. :S

I had no idea he was on this side of town, he tells me he has been here all day. And that he only came because he doesnt know when next he will see me.

THEN he asked what I was doing up and I said I was on a blog, reading and commenting. And he goes “who reads blogs” ….. I just didnt respond, I sat down next 2 him n ignored that.

It was silent for a while then he asked me why Im not talking about anything. I said I dont have anything I need to say. He said tell me about ur day, tell me about what ur gonna do when u go 2 NY, tell me about wateva. I told him about the things he asked and then it felt like he was trying to initiate foreplay……idk…..

i was already tired, i was over the visit…… i was over having a guest at my house at 3am…. I told him i feel tired i want to go to bed…. and he started his kissing thing…. like omg, this is not an effing booty call, cuz i dont do that ish

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:34am
617: Emoticon says:

Ella, i wonder too, how that would feel….. I would love to make it less important.

Casual sex feels good to me sometimes, but not with someone I know. Sometimes I just want to have sex. I had casual sex last friday and it was sooooooo awesome!! and then this guys d*ck was throbbing sooooo hard inside me O.O lol….

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:39am
618: ReceivingGirl says:

Oh, so I was just so good to myself and Mr. Observant didn’t mind one bit. His friends were going on a boat. I told him I was thinking about it & I’m going to be a total girl, but if I go on the boat my hair will be all messy for later & I would rather look all pretty later. I would have NEVER, EVER said this before out of fear of him thinking I’m too high maintenance or difficult or no fun, whatever.

He replied, you got it. All pretty already. Sounds good.

I told him if he wanted to go we could push the time back. He said, no we made plans and I would like to stick with them.

So, wow, I feel so good I did this for myself. Normally, I would have either just gone & felt all yucky about my appearance later or I would have come up with a reason to dodge it. I was so authentic. Well, not completely because I didn’t share my other concerns, but I feel for right now, those are concerns I don’t need to share yet.

Yay me!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:48am
619: Jenny says:

So back from my date.

I feel smiling and light in my heart.

Lots of talking – I mange to be silent a lot more, and speking in fm more.

I was feeling nervous about one thing, so I said so. He smiled very big “You are nervous now? I can feel it and I think you are very brave”

We was also talking about internet and dating – this man I was the one sending the first mail. I took the first contact. And he was teasing me about it…so I just said: “I feel happy I wrote to you”

He smiled big, took my hand and said: “Im very happy you did, we would never have meet otherwize”

Feels good. We was looking at old stuff in an store…and while we was walking, he gentle stroke my back – I love being touched, so it makes my skin and body sing when a man I feel good with, touches me like that in public.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:49am
620: ReceivingGirl says:

@555 (((Starla))))

I feel so sad reading how people made you feel undesirable. I have no clue what you look like, but from reading your words, I picture a cute, fun and sassy girl who would attract a lot of attention. Let go of all that past baggage. You are gorgeous, my dear!

Xoxo

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:54am
621: ReceivingGirl says:

Happy Bday SMB! I hope you have a wonderful day full of fun & love!!

xoxo

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:57am
622: Emoticon says:

RG ur right lol…. I have Starla on Fb n thats exactly how she looks. n the sassy is absolutely right, i crack up reading stuff on her page and the descriptions on her pictures lol….. Ive never met someone like Starla n she’s is really intriguing to me.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:01am
623: ReceivingGirl says:

@568 (((Daria)))

I feel so sad that CD didn’t work out how you were hoping. I feel mad at him for treating you this way and not doing what he said he was going to do. I feel happy you are being safe, taking care of yourself, and protecting yourself. I hope the rest of your vacation is absolutely wonderful!!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:02am
624: ReceivingGirl says:

I feel so relieved after 3 days of increased meds, my face seems to be starting to clear up. Yay! I won’t feel as self-conscious on my date. Although, Mr. Observant knows about my disease and what it was doing to me. He was very inquisitive about it. I felt cared for.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:05am
625: Emoticon says:

RG…. happy 4 u! Have fun on ru date. Ive been reading about Mr. Observant and i really like the way he treats u.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:11am
626: ReceivingGirl says:

@586 Ella

I don’t feel it is leaning forward, as you feel comfortable doing it and you have been dating him for a while now, right? Friends/family tag pics all the time. It’s just the way of FB. I don’t view it as leaning forward at all.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:16am
627: ReceivingGirl says:

@587 Ella

Relationship status on FB, in my opinion, is just FB. Yes, I agree, it would feel really nice to receive that request, but in reality, is it really all that important? I don’t think guys even think about it. I feel it’s more of a girl thing. He has claimed you in real life and that is WAY more important than a FB status. Pick your battles. If it’s really, really important to you, then find a way of bringing it up. If it’s just a little thing, I would find a way of letting it go.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:22am
628: ReceivingGirl says:

@588 Ella

The people I bought my house from were big into feng shui. The bedrooms in the house all in bad places (death), so they had their master bedroom in the basement. But, they had the guest bedroom and in the most (death) spot in the house. I thought that was funny. I haven’t read up too much on Feng Shui, maybe I should, because that guest room is my bedroom. They also left landscaping rocks missing in certain places for the energy to flow and their entire landscaping was set-up for it. They had kettleballs (at least that is what they looked like) sporatically placed around their house and they had these gazing balls strewed throughout the yard.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:28am
629: Ella says:

RG,

Thank You.

And yes I think you are right.

I expect I will drop it for now…

If ever it comes up I may say… I don’t think its important.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:31am
630: ReceivingGirl says:

(((Sophie)))

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:33am
631: Jessie1000 says:

ON the topic of sex…lol
Daria and Emoticon and others lol

I had a friend named Lisa who was a dancer/stripper/ and ex prostitute. She used to make men wild, I swear to well u know and we used to talk about sex alot.

I had alot of issues, still do, over sex as a newbie exjehovahs witness lol. In our religion there is no head and no sex before marriage. Ever. Lol I was so closed up emotionally and I felt like I didnt live in the same world as everyone else (growing up in a cult like atmosphere…so controlled and stuff)

Lisa was like my alter ego–so free with her sexuality and so fun to go party with.

Lisa told me go out and meet boys.

Go out and kiss boys. Kissing isnt even cheating, its like shaking hands but nicer.

BUT never Waste your sex. That means if you are going to do it….there is nothing worse than getting dressed up and looking sexy and flirting and walking in heels only to take ur clothes off for an idiot who has no idea what he is doing.

Lol she says thats a waste.

Make sure you know him well enough, and you both respect each other and he has heat for you and you for him and theres no strings attached (like omg if i do this tonight will he totally be my boyfriend????)

And most important of all….Make sure he is there to PLEASE you. NOT you pleasing him. If thats the way it is, then you didnt waste your sex.

So, I listened to her and If I do it, I make sure I dont waste my sex.
And if it was a waste, or it feels like dude is not making me happy, I GET UP AND LEAVE lol

Then, I call my girl friends and tell them OMG he was so terrible and we have a good laugh and I wait and I wait until I find someone that doesnt make me waste my sex. Lol

Its not the number of people you’ve been with, girl or guy or however, its whether it was a waste of your sex. And when you got up in the morning, or the next afternoon, you had a smile on your face and you felt like that person made you feel good.

Dont let anyone not make YOU feel good.

Not that I know anything. But I think Lisa was very wise. Lol

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:52am
632: Emoticon says:

Jessie Im like you in that if im not feeling great, i just stop. Most of the time though, the one night stands are pretty good, probably because theres no pressure, yall just wanna get it over with and f*ck, feel good n get on with life.

I think when its a guy i know and like i kind of wonder what its gonna be like so much that i dont enjoy it as much.

Maybe I should preactice feeling that way woth guys i like too….. But i really dont feel like sex is much of a big deal…. My mom gave me the most….. different…. sex talk ive ever heard before “ure growing up, i know ure a smart girl so just protect yourself” …… n i said yes mommy…..

So yeah…. i dont ever think sex is a waste…. u either enjoy it very much or u learn something…. something u like or dont like.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:05am
633: ReceivingGirl says:

@616 Emoticon

I feel glad you stuck to your boundaries. Yes, it sounded like a booty call & I would’ve been feeling really bad about the whole thing too. He was in town all day & contacts you in the middle of the night? Not cool.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:06am
634: ReceivingGirl says:

Re: sex

I’m 36 & have had sex with 6 guys. I sometimes feel people think I’m easy because I get asked if I’m going to take a guy home, or if I stay somewhere or someone stays by me, I get asked if we had sex.

I need to feel comfortable with the guy. It’s not really about time with me. MilitaryGuy was the only guy I had sex with in the spur of the moment (before our 1st date) & who I didn’t end up in a relationship with.

Mr. Exaggeration & BoatGuy I had sex with early with, but I also knew them as friends for many years.

If I don’t know the guy, I wait until I do and feel comfortable. I don’t feel comfortable having casual sex.

I don’t feel judgmental towards others who like casual sex. It just is not my cup of tea.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:15am
635: ReceivingGirl says:

@625 Emoticon

Me too! I’ve never been treated this way before. I feel really good about it, but I also feel really scared about it. Maybe cause it’s all so foreign to me? I’m trying really hard to just feel and not let my brain get in the way.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:19am
636: Emoticon says:

RG thanx im glad i stuck to them too.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:23am
637: ReceivingGirl says:

I’m wondering if me being more authentic has to do with me learning & being brave or is it just because Mr. Observant feels really safe to be myself around? Hmmm….something to ponder.

I used to have to work myself up to saying how I really felt about something & overanalyze it & it would take a couple days & I would make myself so nervous & then screw it up if I did end up expressing myself or I would just hold it in and push it down.

I didn’t feel nervous or uptight or anything about sharing my feelings about having messy hair. Am I growing? Am I learning to finally set some boundaries & share them?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:27am
638: Emoticon says:

RG its funny that you said “not your cup of tea…. just 5 mins b4 i posted that i picked up my cup of tea n said “not my cup of tea” out loud n started laughing….. this happens to me all the time…. i say something then it jus pops up lol

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:30am
639: ReceivingGirl says:

Lol…Emoticon, that is funny. I have that happen too sometimes. What is funny, last weekend at my party, one of my friends brought a friend with. I had met him before and we both said, Hi at the same time, then, How are you at the same time, then Good at the same time. Then, we just both laughed because it was too funny how on cue we were.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:33am
640: Starla says:

awww emoticon/everyone THANK YOU

and i am noticing how i feel like a needy greedy sponge for compliments. like getting compliments like that can change me from being in a just alright mood to being in an openhappypositivefreeflying mood. I want to be in that good of a mood all the time. Maybe I could concentrate more of my thoughts into complimenting myself more often.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:48am
641: ulii says:

I feel it’s so tiring & disappointing this power struggle I have with NZ cd.

It’s where we are both online and won’t start a conversation. And I know he is there only for me. He has said it many times and I don’t believe he would lie about that. I’m there mostly for him, although I have lot of other things going on in my computer … But I have said many times how I like the man to be the chaser & initiating all. And he has said he gets it. And still he does this to test me.

It happens with other cd-s too sometimes. They accuse me of not caring and not “making some steps from my side too”… And I tend to have this urge to explain myself and justify and start to count the times where I have initiated some contact or where I have showed the interest… I don’t know what to do in this situation where they are accusing me of not caring. And what to say when they say that a woman should do 50% of the relationship work. Are there some good FMs for that???

Buh… I wish this men would know this naturally. That’s their job to be the doers.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:48am
642: Starla says:

638 emoticon, that sort of thing happens to me all the time too

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:51am
643: Emoticon says:

lol… RG thats funny….. people must have been like “did they rehearse?”

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:08am
644: Silver Moonbeam says:

Thank you for all the birthday wishes Sirens. It is very kind of you all. xxx

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:12am
645: Emoticon says:

We’re psychic!!!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:13am
646: Starla says:

I stayed up late last night drafting some daily well-being rituals to start following, and I was so excited to start them that I actually got out of bed just 5 hours later even though I could sleep in today. I did some morning yoga and now I’m drinking apple cider vinegar and taking my supplements and thoughts of wellness and vitality and abundance are hugging me from the inside<3

i feel happy and relaxed and blessed to take the morning rituals slow since it's my first time (and tomorrow I have the day off of work so I can take them slow), but I do feel worried that I won't be able to 'handle' all this morning care stuff in only two hours. That probably sounds like a lot of time but I am NOT a morning person haha

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:17am
647: siren song says:

i feel confused. i had a housewarming party last night. the only person to show up for the first 2 hours is guy who loves me. i didn’t even expect him to come at all, given that i told him that i felt tired of our interactions, the ones that involved insults and yelling. i was kind of sad when he showed up because i felt afraid nobody would come, so he hugged me and poured me a glass of wine. he stayed for 2 hours and left when other people started to show up.

after he left he started texting me saying he felt ignored when the other guests came and that i didn’t even look at him while other people were there (i felt a little weird because i didn’t expect him show up, so this is probably true).

he also said: ‘i miss being your man’ and ‘you are so beautiful. i wish we could make each other feel happy in front of other people’.

‘i miss being your man’ and ‘i are so beautiful. i wish we could make each other feel good in front of other people’. i thanked him for coming and said i missed when we were together too. his last text said ‘i was happy to be the first one there and to give you a hug when you needed it. you are a huge sweetie.’

i feel really confused. i feel frustrated that i am sucked back into thinking about him again.

i have a CD tonight, but i feel kind of tense. the guy seems really pushy. he tries to sneak last minute dates in a lot and complains when i don’t initiate contact.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:20am
648: siren song says:

happy birthday silver moonbeam!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:21am
649: Emoticon says:

I can’t wait to record my own song for the first time this summer….. Its like im having a baby…. Im CREATING something and bringing it into the world to share with others. That is what I like most about music and all the arts actually….. I love science but science is more about discovering what is already there and manipulating it to get what you want but the Arts feel like an entity being brought into the world to me. Any piece of art is like an immortal person. Music lasts forever, long after your gone your baby will still be on earth being enjoyed by other people.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:23am
650: siren song says:

oops…that post is weird. kind of repeats itself. ha

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:24am
651: siren song says:

emoticon, that’s awesome! i love recording songs. it is like a baby.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:25am
652: Emoticon says:

thank you Siren song, 3 cheers for having babies

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:25am
653: siren song says:

i have awful boundaries. i told this guy i didn’t want to be around him and let him into my house anyhow.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:31am
654: Emoticon says:

I felt that way about my coreography for my talent for a pageant I did…. I felt that way about the whole pageant actually….. i did majority of the work myself, designing my own dresses, i didnt design the swim suit but i put it 2gether.

I provided my own music for when i walked on stage (all the other contestants just used the music they provided, lol yeah i kno im such a diva sometimes) But that pageant was MY baby, i wanted to do everything and put my all into it. All my songs were by Angelique Kidjo and I practiced my butt off…… i missed classes to coreograph that dance (my teachers were okay with it because I was representing my high school). In the end it was so worth it, I was proud of my baby, it brought home the crown.

I swear when I get on stage I want to enjoy myself, but most of all I aim to put somehting out there that is soooo WOW… that everyone in the crowd is just stunned. I have to feel it in my soul that what im doing is just awesome and then i know everyone will LOVE it, because im IN LOVE with it. OMG i miss performing…..

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:33am
655: Emoticon says:

Siren song, are you sure u meant to say you didnt want to be around him, because sometimes we say things we dont really mean, and deep down we know we dont mean it but we think we should mean it so we say it.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:34am
656: siren song says:

i really didn’t want to be around him when he was yelling and insulting me. last night he wasn’t. i feel so confused! when he showed up i was kind of shocked.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:37am
657: Starla says:

siren song, i think you honored your boundaries. you let him in when he was acting within your boundaries. unfortunately, he blew it afterwards. now you can revise your boundaries based on this new information and feelings.

you are the expert on you. don’t beat yourself up… especially when things are just evolving with more liberty/unpredictability (be surprised, right? haha) than you can realistically compensate for with boundaries.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:37am
658: siren song says:

Starla, that feels good to read. I was kind of beating myself up. (Me)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:58am
659: Daria says:

emoticon – wow thats awesome! feels so inspiring…

i remember when we rocked the end of the year dance contest in and i got everyone in my group futuristic silver metalic outfits and the whole crowd was omg (it was when metallic first came back in style)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:15am
660: Daria says:

im feeling queasy in my stomach about this CD stakling me

i already told him id call the police if he ocntacts me ahain

he stopped immediately but now he said something from an online profile

it feels so uncomfortable

my parents want me to come back early and i want to stay another week

but i feel queasy now waking up and also sad

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:16am
661: siren song says:

Daria, ew! That feels awful, about the stalking.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:22am
662: Starla says:

i am going back to the pool today:) i put on a different bikini and i love the feeling i get when i think about how worthy i am of multiple bikinis for whatever mood i’m in. Today’s bikini is black and i put on gobs of black mascara (i don’t go under the water lol) and let my crazy afro curly hair go big and wild, i feel like a total wild woman, i love it!

i don’t have to shrink! weee

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:23am
663: Daria says:

Thanks RG – that felt so comforting i feel smily

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:25am
664: Starla says:

I feel embarrassed and ashamed of #662
eeesh, going to the pool, see you later, sirens:)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:30am
665: Emoticon says:

Damn Daria, that sounds awesome! Im sure the crowed was in awe! Metallic!!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:32am
666: Jenny says:

I feel giggle right now when I’m thinking about the talk I had with my mother. She allways want to hear about my dates.
So I told about todays date, wich was the third date with him…lets call him CDJim.

She asked me: “Do you like him? Are you intrested in him?”

And I answered; “I feel intrested in him, I lke how it feels when I’m with him”

THe she was like: “does he know you date other?”

Me: “Yes, he asked about the dating site, if I got lots of wierd email – so I told him about the most common is men who I havent meet; ask me to stop writting to other men, since they need me to prove I’m serious. And I told him, that I cant give that to anyone who I even havent meet, and that untill I get a serious proposal I will keep my options open and date. Adn he agree totelly, said he that he would never demand my exklusivity untill he was sure he wanted me serious”

So for me it sounded as he know and agree that untill a man ask for an serious commited relationship, and I agree – only then should I give exklusivity.

My mother was like: “I think you should stop date other now, it might be confusing – focus on one man, since you like him”

And right there i didnt feel for explain for my mother about keeping my options, since – well she is my mother and I didnt feel like it was any need for it.

But inside me…my diva was like “No way in hell, just the fact that I like him, is the best reason to date other – keep myself busy so I dont start over analysing all things CDJim said /not said”

I also realized how deep some pattern goes. Today he told me he had another mobile number, wich he wanted me to have. So he asked me if I had pen and paper…wich i had, so he gave me his other number and told me “Text me”

And about 5 min later I was like….argh, noo, I should have written on another piece of paper my number.

Ah well, no beating on myself – at least I saw the pattern.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:32am
667: Emoticon says:

Daria, that CD situation sounds so infuriating…. i jus wanna scream “LEAVE HER THE F*CK ALONE!!!!” omgggggggg whyyyyyy smh

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:33am
668: Emoticon says:

Jenny…. sooooo true. CDing keeps u from overfunctioning.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:37am
669: Daria says:

Emoticon – i was scrolling up feeling wow and scared and inspired by your “throbbing” experience and then i go up more and read that you got triggered to feel bad…

aww! i dont want you to!

I slept with only 12 men by the time i was 22 and that was VERY FEW

it was back in my ‘judgemetnal of sex’ times, and i was STILL proud of how few that was

anyway… we all know it doesnt matter now!

i mighta even forgot a guy or soemthing i tried to make a list

yay for not counting really!

i used to stress over the count but now im not about that, just feels fun to recall each man

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:41am
670: Daria says:

i babyestp going for openess and attracting men i can have sex with and feel good about it

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:46am
671: Daria says:

Emoticon – thank you… yeah its triggering a lot of fear and nausea in my body

im gonna meditate now

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:51am
672: Emoticon says:

Sex….
Quality over Quantity i suppose

Doesnt matter how many men ive slept with all that matters is that I enjoy my sex life

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:55am
673: Sassy says:

A very Happy Birthday, ms SMB!!! I hope it’s everything you
want, desire and wish it to be!!!!
Much love

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:09am
674: Jenny says:

672 @emoticon

Yes I agree 100%.

I get the question “How many have you sleept with?” Adn I can now calm say: ” I dont want to talk about it, it feels wrong, its my own buisness”

And no man have ever asked me to say more, they all goes “Ok, I accept”

Hmm about sex…I was doing some thinking about sex, giving and recive…

So what about giving oral sex to the man? I peronally love it…like the taste nad love the feeling of power.

But today I was doing a little thinking, maybe not do it…I mean aint that to give to the man? what are you ladies thought about it?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:13am
675: Emoticon says:

Jenny, I used to really enjoy doing it…. but for the past year i must have done it only twice n felt like crap both times so I just dont do it anymore, because it feels like overfunctioning now.

I supposed it depends on the situation. The very last time i did it, I wasnt really feelin havin sex that night so gave CD a bj…. CAN U SAY OVERFUNCTIONING….. afterwards i felt like ewwwwww, that did NOT feel right.

Lately, i was sick so one CD said he doesnt want to get sick and therefore won’t kiss me, but we can have sex. So I said (which is true) I cant have sex without foreplay, that is pretty much the most i would get from him lately regarding foreplay. He used to do it all before… hmmm…. anywayz, he said well u cant kiss me but u can kiss M******* (this name we have his d*ck) and I literally, instictively said “ewwww no, this is my day, im dont wanna do that” (we were talking around my birthday) I didnt end up seeing him at all for my birthday so it didnt even matter but HECK NO i was not gonna give u a BJ period, esp not on MY birthday!!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:26am
676: Emoticon says:

Jenny your vibe around it must be different, because lately it hasnt made me feel powerful. It used to at some point.

I used to feel free to do it but I’m guessing that was when me and that CD were exclusive last year. And He used to go down on me too….. we were just very curious with sex and did a lot of stuff, tried a lot of new things and it felt exciting….. but now i just feel turned off by the thought of me giving him a bj

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:28am
677: April Rose says:

Happy Birthday, Silver Moonbeam!

Did you get the beautiful sunshine I ordered for you?

Lots and lots of love to you, you lovely birthday Princess
xxxxxxx

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:29am
678: Daria says:

Oh yes

I also had an a great experience going down on a man…

It was casual and it turned me on mucho it felt so sensual and like my throat was getting pleased like this article talks about

It was ‘casual’ and it felt great

I love doing that when it feels good to me yum

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:34am
679: Daria says:

Men in Florida have been wakin to go down on me nonstop. I feel overwhelmed. And I don’t even like That without emotional connection anymore . I’ve been declining.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:35am
680: Emoticon says:

i dont hate blow jobs

((((((blow jobs)))))))

when i feel better abt doin it i will cuz i used 2 enjoy it

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:44am
681: Jenny says:

Ok I have one or two bad experience with it – both from men who didnt behave good toward me…well I cant put my finger on it, but I didnt like it. It wasnet the Bj, it was the sex in all with those. – wasted sex, but in a way a good leason: Dont do anything if it feels wrong.

it is in my past…
So again its all about me…what feels good for me

…feels so good being able to process my thoughts with you ladies.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:45am
682: sunshine says:

Thank you Daria for inspiring boundaries something that is so clear to me in theory but yet a challenge in practice…I love reading about boundaries and to stand firm.

Radlove, I too feel obligated to please others, and to put myself second and I feel a need to break out. I know for me its because i feel uncomfortable disagreeing or the least to stay quiet if Im “secretly” opposing. Perfect example guy friend invites me yesterday to go out dancing its him, his girlfriend, and his gay guy friend to be my dance partner. Part of me thinks its nice to go out and socialize no offense to his friend, another part of me feels an absolute bore, waste of time, and utterly dissapointed that I should be dating, my need for friend socializing is just not there I need to meet guys in a romantic setting. So what did I do? “sure sounds like fun see ya then”….
and well even though they are all nice, his friend was a good work out partner, and the intentions were all good I regretted it. I feel like I just couldnt say no because I didnt want to be rude and also to not upset my friend. I wish I would have declined sigh Im too nice but working on this wish I didnt have a “that would be bitchy if I spoke up” complex but Im working on it! just remember boundaries and you are your priority! keep working on it Im gonna put my effort too…

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:01pm
683: Daria says:

Lol @ hugging blow jobs. Awww

Def feels bad web it’s not me who wants to do it

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:01pm
684: sunshine says:

…so a match guy IM me two nights ago he was gonna call me yesterday (for the first time) after I got out of work and he didnt. He texted me right now hello and this is what i said

“I feel weird thought you were gonna call yesterday after I got out of work’

He texted: ” sorry I was with my family during the day until late and I wanted to give you my undevided attention”

I texted:”I just feel ackward in general especially that online dating is strangers atleast in the beginning and well if they dont follow what they say its all the more uncomfortable”

He texted: “I understand your concern, I just didnt want to be distracted can I call you right now?”

I texted: ” sure”

:p good job girl, I know I feel a little scared/ nervous but you can do it

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:12pm
685: Starla says:

Thank you, Starla, for going to the pool again today:)

Sunny Goddess

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:18pm
686: Starla says:

Yum, the sun feels so good for me, and by not overdoing it and trusting that the sun will darken me and nourish me even if i don’t see it right away, i am getting a base tan that is protecting me from burns. I love my tan lines… I love hanging out in a bathing suit near some water… it has always made me feel so free and how I ended up becoming a lifeguard when i was a teenager.

I do such nice things for myself. I am lucky to have me:)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:24pm
687: Starla says:

having this blog to vent/type on is really helpful for detoxing off of man crack. i actually like to lean forward to text my cd’s about the fun/productive things i’m doing. i think i just do it for their approval in a way. i’m not sure if that makes sense to any of you, but it’s kind of like a layer of interference that gets in the way of me doing fun/productive things for myself and myself alone.

i have a vision of a starla who does fun/productive things and it is so routine and commonplace for her that she feels no need to share it with anyone that she’s done these things.

things are changing so fast in my life right now:)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:40pm
688: Emoticon says:

Starla i know exactly what u mean. I used to tell Cds about the fun stuff that I was doing for approval, i guess so they could see me as fun…. but it feels bad, cuz they never ever respond the way u want them 2. Nor do they feel inspired to do fun stuff with u because u told them about that stuff :S

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:49pm
689: Daria says:

ugh so i feel disappointed to notice i feel triggered by starla’s post again

i feel sad

i feel unsafe to post – and guilty – and im not wanting to feel that way

well i feel triggered by ‘crazy afro hair’

i feel sad that afro hair is called crazy

it feels icky to me, like saying ‘my crazy asian bob’ and it feels icky even if asian ppl would say it and i feel judgemental and triggerd

and keep that stuff to myslef

i adore afro hair

i feel uncomfortable everytime someone puts it down

and i feel worried that ill be put down if my daughters have and sport afros

and this feels sad

i feel realy miserable and unworthy posting this too

i dont feel deserving of commenting on this topic

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:58pm
690: Starla says:

yeah i just want to hold on to all these arrows of mine and all this energy and keep directing it towards myself. it’s almost like i’m letting some of the pressure out like steam when i do something wonderful for myself but tell a man about it. like i can’t handle the merits of just doing it for ME.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 12:59pm
691: Emoticon says:

(((((((daria))))))))
((((((starla)))))))

I didnt feel bad about starla’s post. As someone who wears the afro sometimes and wore it almost every day in my teens…. I feels a more DIVALICIOUS tone coming our of the word “crazy” in this case….. mgiht be because of my own personal preference for curly hair.

I feel amazed at how different people can get two TOTALLY different vibes from the same message. WOW……

I wonder how different people perceive the things *I* say!!…. hmmm I wonder what will happen if I eliminate adjectives that can be subjective like that “crazy” “funny” “wild” hmmm

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:07pm
692: Emoticon says:

OMG i feel so triggered by something my friend said to me on FB!!!! ahhhh….. i feel bad that she actually said it publicly on my wall too and even if i dont think it was an attack on ME.

I was just fixing the bathroom sink and was scared that I had to unscrew the bottom of the sink because I had never done something like that before and didnt have any help. So i posted a FB status about it, she commented on it and I was explaining to her how i got it done.

J: lol why is that ur problem ? .. u not leaving tomorrow ?

ME: omg im surprised u said that

ME: that feels so negative, like if i have all day 2day at home, y not take care of a prob in the house that we all live in so my roomate dont have 2 come back n do it, when she get back she gonna be busy as hell…. n i live here, even if i wont b here during the week

J: LOL u really surprised i said that ?

OMG, i live here i want to care about the house and see that it is clean and everything is working. I know my roomate will not be able to do it, she leaves for work at 6 am….. she gets back here tired. and has to do stuff to prepare for work and take care of cooking and her dog and has to go to bed early so she can get up early for work the next day….

I want to pull my weight in this house and I am the most available of the 3 roomates right now, the other is pretty much moving out right now since she graduated….Last time i saw her was thursday and she left with 2 suitcases so im not sure when i will see her again, i think she’s in Vegas…..

WHY SHOULD IT NOT BE MY PROBLEM?????

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:17pm
693: sweetpea says:

Hi Sirens.
I need some advice here.
I have written a few times about my situation. I am in love with a man who has some mental illness issues.
I have been helping with a nutritional and supplement program which helped me recover from chronic depression 2 years ago.
The thing is I have become his care taker and not really his lover.
He loves me very dearly and wants so much to be attracted to me But Doesn’t understand why he’s not feeling it. Especially as I was the mst beautiful woman in the world to him when we first met 6 months ago.
He also has issues with his libido which is generally a zinc deficiency , I have trained in nutrition for the past 20 years.
He also tends to drop into self hatred a lot and sabotages the program I have him on and then I get frustrated becasue I see him in so much pain and know if he just dedicates the next few months to it he will see a turnaround but he is now talking about leaving and I feel torn. I know you ladies have more expereince with this kinda stuff than me and I know the might be a few of you out there that may have been in a similar situation .. What would you suggest?
Lean back and shut up?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:19pm
694: sweetpea says:

oh I just want to say that although I give my guy advice about his health, I also tell him how amazing he is and how much I love being with him. He tells me he loves being with me because I’m the only person who see’s his goodness and he wishes he could see himself through my eyes. the thing is that when he feels low, i just want to love him more to make him feel better and I think this makes things worse

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:29pm
695: Emoticon says:

Im proud of myself for telling my friend what i really felt coming from her comment…. usually i would freeze up n not know what to say because i would be wondering what ppl would think seeing my response 2 her on my wall

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:45pm
696: Emoticon says:

I feel relieved

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:50pm
697: Starla says:

i went to the gym for an intense run on the treadmill. i wanted to give up towards the end but i kept going and going all the way until the end. And i have my second load of laundry in, and while its drying, i’m going to get some grocery shopping done, lookin all cute in my workout clothes:)

i love me
i am in love with my life right now.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:51pm
698: Starla says:

ooh and then when i come back i’ll be working on doing some translation work for a very high profile and cool political campaign… i’m so glamorous;)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 1:54pm
699: Starla says:

i’m on a roll today:)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:04pm
700: Sassy says:

Where is Turquoise? I miss her keeping us up on all of her CD’s!!!!!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:25pm
701: April Rose says:

And FlowerChild (FlowerGoddess)

How are you feeling?

((((((FlowerGoddess)))))))

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:29pm
702: Starla says:

and lilybelly (who may have changed her name)?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:32pm
703: Daria says:

for some reason, i feel feminine tellin men wat to do

small things like “lock it from the inside” in a breathy voice….

mmm

i know this doesnt work w men and i feel a bit off balance

i could feel better

i wonder how id translate that to feeling messages?

#ask for it in feeling messages

cd neighbro complains about this ‘bossyness’ of mine

im feeling twitchy relaxing w cd right now

i feel uncomfortable with the door unlocked

oh, i dont want the door unlocked! i like this one!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:54pm
704: Radlove says:

Just checkin in….Jessie, I want to respond to your other post….but right now my attention is with my friend and her two kids. They’re staying with me for the weekend, and it feels so good to have company.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 3:58pm
705: Daria says:

(((Emoticon)))

mm at first i felt confused about why what she said to you was negative – it could be like, dont worry about it! girl youre leavin do your thing…

but it seems theres more context that i dont know that it triggered you

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:02pm
706: Daria says:

i dont know what yall been talkin bout beforehand, but that doesnt seem anything to trip over… i feel confused…

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:09pm
707: Starla says:

oh noooo, i feel guiltybadawful=/ it turns out i did sunburn quite a bit… it just took a long time to appear. i have got to be more careful.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:23pm
708: Lizka says:

Hi sirens!

I had my half marathon race today and I have to say it went pretty well.

But now I’m feeling lonely. At the race, everyone was there with friends or with running with a husband/boyfriend. Thought I am feeling very happy that she came with me and that she supported me, I feel sad that the only person who could come with me was my mom. At each of the 6 races I did so far, I was always with one of my parents. Except for the very first one where DjCD was there with his sister and my best friend also came to cheer me up.

I’m doing everything I do to be a super siren, but it’s been over 6 months and no one has been interested to be in a serious relationship with me yet… I don’t understand why… and that makes me feel sad an unworthy.

I wish I had a boyfriend to go to weekends like that and to run and to do activities… Or at least a bunch of friends who shares some common interests.

So anyway, I’m feeling sad tonight and maybe it’s just because I am crazy exhausted, but I don’t see the end of my single life…

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:26pm
709: Starla says:

(((((((((((((lizka))))))))))))))))))

you are still my inspiration!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:32pm
710: Rebecca says:

I feel so awkward and clumsy and needy in my own skin… I want this to heal..

I feel alone and lonely.. I want this to heal..

My back feels stiff… My belly feels tight…. My face feels tight…
My teeth feel on edge

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:35pm
711: lilybelly says:

Nope Starla, I’m still here. Have been having a busy, stressful last few weeks but all is well or at least on the mend now.

Thank you for thinking about me…It feels good.

And you are still a rock star, I love how well you take care of yourself! I need to adopt some of those self loving gestures you do.. I’m afraid I haven’t been taking good care of me or my heart lately..

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:48pm
712: Lizka says:

Thank you Eva, this is nice.

A few minutes after I wrote this, I started feeling bad for my mom because I said she was “not enough”. I feel bad for wanting more when I have her doing everything for me. If she dies one day, I’m gonna be so lonely. I don’t want my mom to die. But I want a man to snuggle with every night…

Big tears are rolling down my face.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:49pm
713: Starla says:

woopsies

ah well

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:51pm
714: Lizka says:

I texted ATW almost 2 hours ago to tell him about my good race. No answer. This is just adding to the pain, even if I know his phone is probably out of batteries or on silence and he will reply later. But I so would have need him right now…

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 4:51pm
715: Starla says:

Lizka, you did something amazing today! You can be proud of it all on your own! The universe gives you this single time so that you can be your own best friend and cheerleader, so that your “need” for that from another person never interferes or sabotages with it when Mr. Right does come to claim you.

(((((((((((Lizka)))))))))))))))

I know it’s easier said than done but there’s a “reason” you are alone right now. Don’t squander the opportunity, big things are coming for you!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:02pm
716: Starla says:

For my next goddess trick, i’ll be putting away yet another load of clean laundry, changing into something cute and casual, and meeting with a very influential political figure, who for some reason continues to take an interest in my work and opinions and has never tried to ‘use’ me for anything, for dinner at the restaurant across the street:)

then i’ll come home and the evening is all mine:) i see relaxation and yoga in my future:D

what an amazing, luxurious day this has been. yesterday, too:)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:06pm
717: LiliBee says:

(((Lizka)))

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:18pm
718: LiliBee says:

712:

I love what you wrote Starla. It rings so true for me.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:22pm
719: Emoticon says:

Okay Daria, well i got triggered by it because there is more to communication than just the words that are used.

A perfect example is how the 2 of us took something Starla said in completely diff ways.

I dont wanna explain why it triggered me, but it did.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:30pm
720: LoveAlways says:

Happy Birthday Silver moon Beam!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:40pm
721: LiliBee says:

I’m a little angry and disappointed with myself.
I’m doing it again.
Making him wrong.

He wanted me to help him manipulate so his ex wouldn’t complain.
I felt angry and uptight.
I said that I didn’t want to be used as a screen for him to his son’s mom.
I feel stressed and guilty to manipulate, I can’t do it and don’t ask me to.

I don’t feel bad and guilty for having those feelings, I feel bad and guilty for the way I expressed them.
I was blamey and made him wrong.

Trying to flip the switch to compassion for myself and self forgiveness.

He got called in to work today, and he still called me at the end of the day just to say Hi and ask how my shopping went.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:48pm
722: LiliBee says:

(((Rebecca)))

This is the time to learn how to enjoy being in your own company so other people will.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:53pm
723: LiliBee says:

Happy bday Silver Moonbeam!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 5:57pm
724: LiliBee says:

718:

I’ve been feeling tense lately.
I feel pressure.
I’ve been feeling rushed, bouncing around like a pinball.
It’s all mostly because of overflowing workload at work.
I haven’t been able to finish at my usual early time, and I my evenings are alot shorter.
I feel caught in this whirlwind and struggle to kick back and relax during the evenings.

Then there’s D wanting me with him all the time, I run off to get my own stuff done during the weekend, then I don’t have patience and snap at him.

I was going to finish my shopping at 2 today, instead I closed the mall at 5.
I’m exhausted and can’t stand on my achy feet anymore to clean my place.
I feel yucky sitting in a dusty dirty home.

I need to relax and get back in touch with fun laid back me.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:15pm
725: LiliBee says:

721:

I wonder if this isn’t all my scared vibes attracting distractions from my relationship.

I’m not used to all this ongoing caring attention from a man.
It feels strange, foreign…scary.

That’s it, tomorrow I’m off work at 4 so I can take my time and relax when I get home.

I am getting wonderful support at work.
My new boss wants to balance out my workload, he doesn’t want me working any more overtime.
Woohoo to that!!!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:21pm
726: Radlove says:

I’m loving spending time with my girlfriend, Cris! She is awesome! She has been going thru a lot of congruent inner healing of the lil girl like me!

“Love that lil girl! Love that lil girl! Love that lil girl! Love that lil girl! Love that lil girl! Love that lil girl! Love that lil girl!” ~ Daria

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:23pm
727: Queenbee says:

One of the reasons I wouldn’t sleep with a guy even if I wanted to is if he had treated me poorly and I don’t feel safe with him anymore. I know me wanting to sleep with him is just mancrack!

hahaha lol, mancrack! oh boy

xoxo

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:36pm
728: Queenbee says:

Happy Birthday Silver Moonbeam! Loads of Siren Love to you!! xoxo

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:38pm
729: Queenbee says:

Hi Sirens! Just catching up on posts…

Love to all!!

xoxo

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:39pm
730: Emoticon says:

OMG so i was already feeling so turned of by this one CD making everything about him. If i say something, he automatically makes it about him …. idk y.

Then i was on his FB page and saw his mothers day greeting on FB LOL…. it was too funny tho

“1 week from today I’ll be leaving Baltimore to start a new life in *********, MD … a new career, a new home, a new environment, a new experience, and a new lifestyle…
I pray to God that I do not lose the values my Mother has instilled in me while I’m out making a new life for myself.
#HappyMothersDayMom!!!”

I mean…. lol if it were my special day and i got a greeting that was all about the person sending it i would be so confused.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:42pm
731: Emoticon says:

Its so hard to out-girl him…. he seems to like a lot of attention so he works in feminine energy mode allllll the time. and when i out-girl him and acknowledge my feelings and set my boundaries he tries to speak his feelings almost to cancel out min and then ignores my boundaries tot he point where i get annoyed and then he gets angry…. oh boy.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:44pm
732: LoveAlways says:

Happy holiday weekend Sirens!

My weekly time to myself and to spam the blog with my feelings

SIREN METAMORPHOSIS

I had an epiphany today – I looked in the mirror and my body has changed. I looked deep inside and I’ve changed there too – my energy has shifted into something unexpected.

I was an emotional wreak when I bought a bunch of Rori’s products all within one month’s time – I was obsessive!

I was looking to get back together with CDex and learn how to have better relationships with men so he and I could get married. I wanted to hire Rori as a coach, but she suggested on her web site starting with her ebook, then her programs.

Instead of getting him back and on my way to married, after 7 months of continuously listening to the programs, taking notes in the workbooks and talking about to to any woman who would listen (only a handful would tolerate me), I’m still not in a relationship headed towards married . . .

BUT I’ve changed so much and living such a better life within myself. I am happy now.

What I did was learn how to live my own life beautifully.

-I learned that CDex is toxic and the thought of being with him makes me feel slimy all over my skin like grease sticking to wet dishes.

-I learned that I am not perfect but WOW, am I Amazing!!!

-I learned to lean back and let men adore me and lavish me with gifts and to lavish their desires for me without my leaning forward one bit.

-I learned how to really love myself and take care of myself, and how to respond to men in the way that benefits ME best. Yes, it honestly is all about me, but in a good way, not like a b*tch (anymore).

-I learned to talk to men and how to not to talk to men

-I’ve learned to step away (lean back) from men! Unheard of pre-siren!

-I’ve learned the beauty of circular dating, what it means to me (as a reformed perpetual flirt), and to keep my feelings foremost of importance in my day to day living.

-I learned to keep it real and what real feels like for me deep inside my chest, and in my shoulders & thighs and sometimes in my tummy. I got OUT of my head!

Everything I’ve learned – this new way of being – this feminine metamorphosis – it’s uncharted territory for me. And now I know nothing, and it’s beautiful!

I don’t know what to do going forward for relationships.

I don’t know what a man thinks, and I don’t care anymore.

I can’t predict anything – but I understand now that I shouldn’t try.

I don’t care that I don’t have the answers anymore.

All I know is that I feel happy most of the time and it has very little to do with man (except when CD song tells me how beautiful I am – I feel that deep down in my back and it tingles).

I’m CDing in a totally different way these days, and it feels right. Too bad I spent the money on the dating web site! I still check it and correspond, but there are no connections there right now.

And connections – OMG, I connect with men in such different way, but it comes from them! They are reaching out to me connecting – and I’m just responding. I’ve thought of keeping a journal to keep track of it all.

Very very important – I am keeping safe. I feel preyed upon sometimes, and this was something to heal from my past. Still healing, but I know HOW to stay safe and what that means now.

I’m practicing my intimacy tools with CD song and he has turned into quite the tiger – I just give in to it all.

My body is changing (I’ve lost an entire dress size – and going for one more) and it’s more sensitive to my environment – material, water, lotion, skin . . . Like its a cool constant soothing sizzle all over.

My feelings for me are changing. If I hear or see something that doesn’t feel good to me, I feel it, feel it again, and then most times get away from it.

I respond to loveliness like a 3 year old (picture a professional woman smiling like a kid over a flower in the midst of a room full of men, and then returning to my argument like I never stopped – and yes, they responded to the smile).

I have immediate feelings now. My girl energy is taking over, and my boy energy is more concise.

Wow, not what I was expecting, but I’m living an amazing feeling existence now.

Thanks Rori.

LoveAlways

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:50pm
733: Sassy says:

I want to wake up tomoro and not feel this pain. I want to start over fresh with no memories. I want to begin a new life which is what every sunrise allows us, right? A new day, blank page, clean slate. Can I do that, can I make it through a day free and clear? Just me loving me, taking care of me?
Yeah, I think I can, I think I have to, I don’t feel there are any other choices.
Someone better is out there for me. This I know and promise myself.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:50pm
734: Emoticon says:

okayyyy…. so this guy on POF had asked for my number, which i provided. Then comes back 2 days later and sends me his asking me to text him. Normally if i guy gives me his number, i would just give him mine (n not use his) …. but i already gave him mine…. so do i just not respond? because I was thinking about responding with sum like

“thank you, it would feel good to hear from you, ive provided my number”

Or should i not say “ive provided my number” , because im sure he can see that for himself

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 6:53pm
735: Daria says:

best aclamari ever… felt so fun and chjill wit this guy before i got my calamri myself… ;/ but after he left

notice with guys i look up to im like whoa what did i do to deserve this Godness

maybe not so good to look up to guys

but admire them, no?

>: (

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:01pm
736: Sassy says:

Wow! Love Always!!! Great post, you sound fantastic

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:04pm
737: Daria says:

the guy who wants to see me now energies feel overpowering

i dont want to let him come here

i want to be alone and rest

or be with a man i won’t feel that tension with

whuff

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:05pm
738: Emoticon says:

Is it judgemental if i just dont feel interested in guys who look all thug-like on pof…. they dont even have 2 look alllllll that thug-like but some people just look a little thuggy 2 me and i lose any interedt immediately…. i should respond tho…. and just say that is nice to hear from them (which it is) thank them for the compliments and then tell them i feel flattered but i dont feel interested? or should i still flirt?

what if they ask me if im interested…. i don want to lie

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:08pm
739: LoveAlways says:

Hi Sassy -

Just really felt in a way to put words to it today – It’s such a better feeling now. I’ve come a long way

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:11pm
740: LoveAlways says:

Emoticon – what do you feel like doing for each one?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:18pm
741: Daria says:

wow Love Always… im gonna cut n paste ur post and send it into moderation so rori can see it

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:18pm
742: Daria says:

Emoticon – just date them anyway

try to date ANY guy that is NOT your type with GUSTO! those are the best for me as far as growth (after the date is over usually lol)

any guy that i think i can tolerate bein around that is as WAY out my type i date n feel thrilled cuz i KNOW thats acutally the practice thats gonna pay off

cuz theres something goin on if im ‘typing’ men so the way to heal and expand is to literally expand my comfort zone

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:21pm
743: Emoticon says:

Love Always, well for the guy who gave me his number after I gave him mine. I don’t want to use his number so i won’t be doing that. I just said “Thank you, it would feel good to talk”

For the thugs contacting me i just feel like not responding, sometimes i do, sometimes not…. because it really depends on my mood. Right now i do NOT feel like responding. so i just left that one alone, maybe next time i come on i might feel differently, although i highly doubt that.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:23pm
744: sunshine says:

Hey Emoticon, lol I know what you mean about the thugs well in my case if I dont like them from the beginning I click the not interested button, I just dont want to lead them on you know? however Rori does say to give all men a chance but that feels so weird Imean poor guy what if he treats you to dinner a date and you were all the while thinking “Im just using him for the practice and feeling messages…thanks..bye” lol that just feels awful to me seriously I dont know Ill keep thinking about that one.
Anyway so I understand about your judgemental feelings but its hard not to especially if hes wearing shades in every pic

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:24pm
745: sunshine says:

Hey Emoticon, lol I know what you mean about the thugs well in my case if I dont like them from the beginning I click the not interested button, I just dont want to lead them on you know? however Rori does say to give all men a chance but that feels so weird Imean poor guy what if he treats you to dinner a date and you were all the while thinking “Im just using him for the practice and feeling messages…thanks..bye” lol that just feels awful to me seriously I dont know Ill keep thinking about that one.
Anyway so I understand about your judgemental feelings but its hard not to especially if hes wearing shades in every pic

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:24pm
746: Emoticon says:

Thank you Daria. I went on ONE date with a thuggy guy, and….. we saw a movie…. he was high on e and slept throughout the movie and then drove me home, and i was scared.

Maybe I will arrange to meet them somewhere close to my house so that If im scared I can make my way home myself!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:27pm
747: sunshine says:

I feel weird, match guy who I find cute is giving me the attention that I want and now my judgemental mind is putting him in the bugaboo category. why is it that I feel frustrated with mysterious, unavailable men however respect them more than the nice ones?well i gotta give this a try he might just really like me
give it a try! just give him a chance and dont be scared remember that with boundaries you dont have to worry about him just worry about what you want/dont want

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:28pm
748: Emoticon says:

Well Sunshine, its true you’re using him to practice CDing, but you are also blessing this man with your time. I dont ever see a man taking me out on a date as not beneficial to him whether or not our relationship is going anywhere. Now he has the pleasure of knowing that he took me out! When I’m famous that story might come in handy lmaooo

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:29pm
749: Emoticon says:

Sunshine…. I want a bugaboo… not an all day bugaboo, but one like one of those i have…. i want u to contact me every day, if u miss one day its cool but the less days u miss the better. I like attention and if ur thinking about me let me know. Becuz i assure u it will put a smile on my face, whether or not i like you. Lately i develop feelings for guys when they do the “bugaboo” thing in moderation, cuz it makes me feel special.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:32pm
750: LoveAlways says:

Hi Daria!
I was careful not to curse LOL! Then I realized it was like a testimony LOL, okay, I get it now

Emoticon
- good for you!!! Do what you feel, but Daria’s response to you is food for thought because ultimately you need to be open to these guys to circular date, but do what feels safe and makes you feel good. I like the idea of going back to the site another time and seeing how you feel.

Sassy
-can you feel that way now? Rather than just in the morning? Can you get into your feeling soup and feel everything there at once?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:32pm
751: Queenbee says:

I got off fb 2 years ago and my sister keeps posting pics of me on her fb. I feel disrespected. It feels awful that she can’t just respect my privacy wishes. Today I’ll go through all her pics through my mum’s fb, and then let her know in FMs how I feel. I wish this would not keep happening. I feel sad

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:35pm
752: Emoticon says:

Guy just contacted me…. profile says “wants to date but nothing serious”

I feel myself frown and almost turn up my nose.

Now i feel guilty and feel like im saying that i want to rush into something serious

I am CDing so of course im not looking for a boyfriend but i like to know that the guy would like to be committed at some point.

Now i feel drained….. that explanation as unnecessary as it was…. drained me.

I responded to him. I feel okay with just talking to this guy, knowing that he doesnt want anything serious.

Sigh….

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:37pm
753: sunshine says:

Emoticon hmmm you made me think a little because I feel a little smile when Im bugabooed hehe well I feel it triggers something…first guy I reall fell in love with was such a bugaboo and I loved it and I felt he was so vulnerable and even inocent bc he didnt even know how “against the rules that was” it was so cute he was so attentive. well, he eventually broke my heart terribly I still think Im recovering and maybe Im actually scared of bugaboos? maybe I really do love the attention and its scary and triggers a recent past

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:39pm
754: Emoticon says:

Now that my POF msg have slowed down a bit…. I am just leaving FMs on my friend’s status talking about how their status made me feel.

I feel so nervous putting my feeling out on a public forum like that.

It feels like bungee jumping though!

Feels scary before u take the plunge.

As soon as you jump off (press Enter) ur blood jus rushes. I feel nervous and liek my chest is going to burst…. thats me being overwhelmed again (happens a lot)

Then it THERE….. i panic a little and for a split second feels fear again and want to delete it. then I just can’t delete it…. I wont delete it…. i want to be bold and just do whatever and not care what people think about what i have to say…. so there i will be feeling myself all over facebook tonight

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:43pm
755: sunshine says:

Sigh I feel scared of this attention I was sucked in once before man I feel like crying but it makes my eyes puffy and not cute haha solution date more than one? but that feels so weird! I dont want to feel like a playa

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:43pm
756: Jessie1000 says:

On POF right now

Why do guys constantly say they are looking for a sweet girl or a good girl or a nice girl? lol

Why do women always have to be placed into a box?

We have to be nice, we have to be kind, we have to be all the qualities that they want us to be.

Why cant we just be us? WHy not a smart ass? Or sassy?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:45pm
757: Emoticon says:

Sunshine!!! (((((bugaboos)))))) the love of my life was a bugaboo…. he used to email me at work, text and call during the day, come to town to take me to lunch on my lunch hour and even started dropping off love letters at my job written in french. I felt so absolutely precious. I am still smiling thinking about it now!!!! I feel like hugging somebody, cuz it felt so good and just having the memories of that feels good still.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:47pm
758: Emoticon says:

Sunshine… girl dont hate the player hate the game…. LOL… jk LOve the game.. LOVE CDing… its awesome as heck!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:48pm
759: sunshine says:

Emoticon, I hope you dont delete its quite healing especially when the other party apologizes or clarifies then it feels weird to me because that foreign in a sense. perhaps because I dont express my anger, I dont get apologies or explanations now that I work on that I do and it feels a little nice and a little ackward. I also feel like after hearing the explanation that I was exaggerating and slightly embarrassed because of my overreaction…I know its because the whole thing is foreign that is all but really good for me not in a delicious ice cream way but like eating raw vegetables, not fun but feels proudful…I hope Im not like your friend who turns it all about him lol but giving feedback by own experience.
good for you for stating your feelings!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:49pm
760: Emoticon says:

Jessie…. they feel comfortable with nice girls, but when they get a sassy lil sumthin sumthin u kno they fall head over heels, and they dont even kno it, its instictive so they still they they like sweet nice girls… which they probably do, they just dont fall in love wit them.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:50pm
761: Emoticon says:

Now i feel stupid for responding with alll that “crack open guys heads n analyze” bullsh*t to Jessie1000….

I feel scared now because everyone already saw it

>_< … cover eyes

I feel embarassed.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:51pm
762: Emoticon says:

Sunshine I’m not deleting them. When i feel bad, is when people come with the “sheesh i was just joking” that feels awful

I feel bad for not seeing the humor in it

I feel boring

And slow

then i feel mad at them. y them? idk

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:53pm
763: Emoticon says:

OMG!!!! Apparently NOBODY is getting this joke. I feel so shocked and now i feel mad at the guy who posted this on FB. I feel embarassed for the lady….

P L:Hear something funny! Ok “interesting”. The reason why women want to be married, is different from the reason men want to get married. When women get married, they want to be that guy WORLD and for him to get them the WORLD and everything in it. NOW! When men get married, they get married for the in house pussy. Little do they know, that over time they wouldn’t be getting that pussy, but still have to pay for it.

Me: wow that felt awful to read

V L: That was disrespectful to read as your wife. Totally embarrassed. Smh

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:57pm
764: Starla says:

i had a nice dinner with my pal and he told me that he BRAGS ABOUT ME to people in his circle, because it makes him look cool to know someone who speaks many languages. LOL, that’s awesome.

He made me laugh so hard i spit out my food. i still feel embarrassed.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:57pm
765: Jessie1000 says:

I just feel like men have a type or a mold that I should have to fit into.

The perfect woman for them…she should be like this and like that and do this and look that that for their friends

I wonder if it sometimes has more to do with the man and what his buddies say is good than the girl

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:59pm
766: sunshine says:

Emoticon you feel embarrassed about what you just now told Jessie? its sooo true though they do like a little sassyness its good that its called to our attention lol….

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 7:59pm
767: Emoticon says:

Sunshine i believe it….

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:02pm
768: sunshine says:

Emoticon oh ok I just read your fbook thing….well I felt really annoyed reading this as well glad you replied seriously thats horrible even as a joke bc theres always some truth in a joke in this case from the deliverer of the post he must agree to a certain extent thats why he thought it was funny is what I assume, absolutely horrible glad he wont get any this evening just as he wished

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:05pm
769: Emoticon says:

Sunshine u are so right…. I have a sticker on my wall i read it every day, it says “Many a true word is spoken in jest”…. Therefore I take jokes very seriously and I always get the “sheesh i was just joking” But usually there is some truth to it.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:10pm
770: Starla says:

Emoticon, I take joking really seriously too. Especially with men. I don’t like to be the butt of their jokes. It’s one thing to turn something I said into a pun or jokingly pretend to say ‘no’ to me when I ask them to pass the ketchup, but it’s another to take it THAT far. I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way, thank you very much!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:16pm
771: Emerson says:

HI Sirens I skimmed the blog to catch up with all of you…wow Starla I like your story about going to the pool and feeling confident! Yay Starla!

Also Emoticon 727 I’m finding what you said very interesting because I’m starting to pick up on this more about people…when they are so self-focused (esp men) it feels a bit off…..

I know we are supposed to be loving ourselves and focused on ourselves but we are supposed to be able to balance it with focusing on others as well….

As lk would say (((humans)))

I am learning and growing…I set a boundary with a friend over the weekend and it had to do with $ so it was pretty hard for me to do.. For a moment it felt trivial and I felt a little tense….
I could have handled it better but I am learning baby stepping…and we worked it out and it’s all ok so it’s now clear that it’s not just “whatever” with splitting the cost for things, I actually want it to be discussed with me in detail not just assumed I will go with the flow when it involves money$!!

I think it’s all ok now although I still feel a lil akward and guilty about speaking my truth…

But I feel good too…

Lizka I am sooo proud of you for doing your run!!! I’m so sorry you felt a lil sad…I so know the feeling you’re talking about. But knowing you, it will be back to superstar siren tomorrow, I have faith in you.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:20pm
772: Starla says:

If I were his wife, I would talk to him off of facebook and tell him how it feels, not post on his wall about it. i hope that married couple starts connecting soon about their mucho anger for each other.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:20pm
773: Starla says:

Thank you, Emerson:)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:21pm
774: Emerson says:

Emoticon this reminds me…speaking of joking around…
I just practice with my family tonight, I stated that I don’t want to be ridiculed or teased because it happens a lil bit too much and I don’t like it. It feels bad. My Dad was a good listener and acknowledged my feelings but my Mom just shut down and acted like she is deaf.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:23pm
775: Emoticon says:

Yeah Starla, true but i suppose she saw it on FB so chose to say it there.

I read something somewhere once that said that someone who publicly scolds their partner is not doing it because its necessary but because they want to embarass that other person.

They both embarassed each other tonight and I hope they work it out but all of his FB statuses seem to be anti-marriage. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Here are some examples:

“Here I go with the left field post again. People always posting wedding pictures, most times that stuff don’t last to long. Now!?!?!?, where are the divorce pictures… Lol”

“THIS WILL OFFEND SOME PEOPLE, what can I say, the TRUTH HURTS!!! Men say they are not TRICKS, the women say they are not STREET WALKERS, but there is a constant exchange of money for sex, or sex for money. Sex for gifts, or gifts for sex…. INTERESTING….”

“MEN LISTEN UP: its a woman’s world, that’s why we have to PAY to LIVE IN IT…”

I just feel soooo uncomfortable reading this and scared that there are millions more men out there who think this way. It feels HORRIBLE to see someone talk about women this way, like we are debt collectors who sell P*ssy 2 men and then harass them for money.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:26pm
776: Starla says:

i am having a lot of NVs about how stupid my friend i had dinner with must think i am=( this happens a lot for me when i hang out with certain people only every once in a while. and it feels just horrible.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:27pm
777: Emoticon says:

Emerson…. good job! In my experience, my FMs ONLY work on my father. My mother doesnt shut down, she BLOWS UP. Then she starts crying because no matter what my FM msg sounds like to me… it sounds like blame to her. If i say “i feel hurt” i assume she hears “you are hurting me” So i try to use them with my father and then he talk to her about it.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:28pm
778: Starla says:

i’ve dealt with men like that before, who see women like that and are vocal about it, and publicly challenging them did nothing but encourage them. it was only when i had a heart to heart in private without making them wrong that they stopped treating me like that.

i am so glad THAT’S not the type of bad boy i’m attracted to.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:31pm
779: Radlove says:

I received a really nice compliment tonight!

My friends and I went out on the wharf (like a dock way out in the water) to enjoy the sights and sounds of the bay in the night time. There were about 10-15 people along the wharf, all fishing. I had my phone in my hand, using its glow as a flashlight. When I went to put it back in my pocket, I fumbled, and just like that it fell into the bay!

Sure, I feel bad about it, but I felt sooo proud of myself that INSTANTLY I went into processing my anger and upset! I said, “It’s okay, it’s okay. Let it go; let it go.” I was breathing deeply for about 5 minutes, as I released my anger and upset!

It helped that I do have insurance on it, so I think I can replace it at no charge. I may lose some photos and contacts, but most are already on my computer.

As I left the wharf, a group of the fishermen spoke to me, “Hey, I gotta really hand it to you. You handled that situation so calmly! If I had lost my phone, I would have been cussing up a storm!”

I totally accredit that processing of my emotions to all the work I have done with you ladies here on the blog, along with Rori!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:31pm
780: Emerson says:

774 Emoticon thank you for sharing that. Yes I feel like my FM are much better received by my Dad.

I sometimes feel like my Mother is not even my advocate at all and it hurts me.

Starla 773 noo…..you are not stupid. OMG sounds like you are really really getting in touch with what feels good/bad as far as friends and people you are choosing to surround yourself with!!! In your earlier posts about unfriending people…etc….I was reading and going “yah go Starla!!” because I have a few I’d like to unfriend but I don’t have the guts right now…

They are friends who don’t reply to my messages, I have known them for ages, they don’t ever reach out or ask how I am, and they post all kinds of things on their wall so I knwo they check FB but they cannot even reply to me??/Oh ok well that feels bad so myabe I should unfriend them!!!! You got me thinking, can you tell??

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:34pm
781: sunshine says:

Being ridiculed by family is the worst because they are who I love the most its so annoying and I cant stand it my uncle does that crap and when I feel angry he thinks its cute. I just feel like its a superiority issue seriously family can turn you from a 29 year old to a sad little nine year old in just about a couple words and giggle ugh

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:36pm
782: Emoticon says:

Sooooo…. wanna-be-booty0call CD from last night just called to see if I was still in Baltimore. I had no idea he was tsill here. Its 11:33 right now….. and he says “so are u gonna come say bye before u leave or are you just gonna go”

I feel the need to explain why this statement just turned me off and the circumstances surrounding it.

1. After u “missed me” so much last night and “wanted to spend time together because u dont kno when next we will see each other” you stay 5 mins from me allllll day 2day but only txt me this late when im not going to entertain guests.

2. “are u gonna come say bye….” first of all i dont drive so U KNOW if u wanted to say goodbye u would have to drive to me and either way i won’t be driving back with you. I have to be out early 2moro morning.

3.My intuition is telling me that this guy is on his little holiday weekend break here and did not want to see me at all, but wanted to get sum p*ssy and that just turns me off. I enjoy having sex with him but I have boundaries and i dont just go over the people’s house and invite them over just for sex. sex is always a side dish to me. and when i gett he feeling that its sumbody’s main course i just get really turned off!!!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:38pm
783: Jessie1000 says:

MY SPEECH FOR THE DAY LOL

I used to think sensitive was so bad.

My mother took me to a shrink when I was 15 cause I cried all the time. Dude told me that it was my mother who made me sensitive…lol he said he would help me run away. Soon my parents kicked me out anyway.

My shrink told me that there was so much abuse and trauma and difficulties in our house that I had to develop my sensitivity very young to survive and not get beat by my dad.

My dad used to love to beat the shit out of us and I had a younger sister who was my cousin and her parents died (my aunt and uncle) 2 weeks apart when she was 4. So I used to take her beatings too because i felt so sorry for her.

I feel scared to remember those nights when dad was in a rage. He was the ugliest most terrifying person and many times I never knew if he would ever stop. It was occasional too so it was imp. to guage his moods and sometimes he was the most funnest and charming person.

He hit my little sister once so bad that she had big welts on her face and I lost my freakin mind and went out and keyed his lovely sports car…a chevy nova. (He still doesnt know who did it).

When my parents kicked me out I used to walk like 7 miles back to my house at night and check on my little sister….(i was 15 and she was like 12 then).

No one should grow up that fast. NO one should lock these memories up but I know I got to dust them off and bring them out.

They still make me cry over 20 years later.

SO about sensitivity. Its a coping mechanism. Its about fight or flight. OUr body triggers us when people treat us bad to tell us to run! to panic! to escape! to fight back!

My sensitivity is a finely honed quality, shaved and paired by years of abuse.

What to know what the really fun thing is about it?

No one, ever, that I ever dated, or was friends with could ever be anything as bad as my stupid dad.

Even my second husband, as much of a dork as he was, took me to my first classes in university. He always tells me im a genius (sometimes like wow, you have a 4.1 gpa and you cant figure that out….lol)

This guy, thought he could yell and storm around, but he was NOTHING compared to my old man. In fact, I probably could have kicked his AS* because he really didnt like to hit girls….he just liked to complain alot like a prima donna.

I hope everyone, learns to love their gifts, evolutionary or not, that have created your personalities.

There is both ends to all qualities….like a spectrum.

Someone who is funny is great, but no good when it comes to serious talks.

Someone who is patient, maybe too slow to act and miss out on opportunities.

Someone who is serious, maybe no fun in a comedy club but great to buy a house with.

Someone who is shy, may not be a cheater, but they may never go into politics.

Someone who is angry easy, may not make a good husband, but would kick the crap out of anyone if you were attacked by a burglar. lol

Someone who is transient, a nomad, may not be someone to settle with, but he may have seen more things than the usual person and may know more than he looks.

Someone who is quiet, may never make it to president, but he may be a great listener and never say things he will regret.

Someone who is impulsive, may not be the best person to approve a car loan or visa, but he might be super quick to fly over and comfort you cause you had a bad day or cause you needed a hug.

Someone who is sensitive, may cry easier than others, but she may also be careful with your feelings and gentle in the way she talks.

Love your qualities, good and bad, idiosyncracies and all. Dont change them, see them for the good and bad and how you are absolutely different and unique than everyone else.

There is no one else in the world like you! Get to know yourself and see how you handle things as compared to others….good and bad.

Kisses Emoticon, and everyone else! I loved all your comments all weekend! I feel like we all have SO MUCH in common, different people but everyone is putting on a great fight!

keep on keeping on!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:40pm
784: Jessie1000 says:

sorry radlove,

My speech for the day was not going to make it into cosmo

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:44pm
785: Emoticon says:

((((((((jessie))))))))))

I felt very attentive and interested reading your story.
I’m sorry you and your sister had to go through that
But I am happy you walk away with a lesson

love love love love love to you!!!!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:48pm
786: Emoticon says:

Jessie!!!! If i has a newspaper I would give you a column….. your writing has a way of keeping people (me esp) attentive and very interested as i said in ym last post!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:49pm
787: Tereana says:

Thank you, Jessie1000! (220)

It took me a few days to get back on the blog. I am super glad that you like my posts! I must say, I like yours, too. You always have really interesting comments…I appreciate the response!

I totally get what you are saying, and in theory, yeah – for sure. That is totally how I want to raise my kids. (there was a great article I read about French parenting vs. American parenting, and basically the French moms didn’t let the kids walk all over them, but they weren’t mean either, and the moms were relaxed and the kids were well behaved. American moms, my contrast, tended to let the kids “do their own thing” more, and were afraid to scold them, so the kids were acting up and wouldn’t listen to mom and the moms were generally stressed. Obviously, there are differences within cultures, too, but this was a general finding/observation.)

However, a) knowing that and having the skills and tools available to do it are two different things.

And b) – though I wasn’t thinking it at the time, but I am now – the WALLS have to do with boundaries in the sense that a person will put up walls if they *don’t* have good boundaries.

I am not saying that I don’t have “good boundaries” – because, according to a lot of people, I do. But that is an area where I feel a lot of pain and wounding…And healing. So maybe I am noticing my walls and appreciating them because they are protecting me while my boundaries heal, and when my boundaries are healed around relationship, then the walls can come down, and all will be exactly as you described. : )

“Please excuse our appearance, but right now the area is under construction.” Hard hats, please!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:56pm
788: Emerson says:

776 Radlove sorry u lost your phone….nice job on handling the situation. You are inspiring

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 8:58pm
789: Daria says:

Emoticon – I would write

Wow I’m feeling mad

Y u feeling mad

I don’t want to date a man who doesn’t take me out all day and then contacts me at night. I feel turned off Ew

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:02pm
790: Tereana says:

((hugs)) to you, Jessie – I just read your recent post.

“No one should grow up that fast. NO one should lock these memories up but I know I got to dust them off and bring them out.”

Very true.

However, as a fellow sensitive person, I feel weird reading that people told you that you “developed” sensitivity as a “coping mechanism.” Most certainly you developed a slew of coping mechanisms, perhaps as a RESULT of the sensitivity. But most people do not “develop” sensitivity. You either are sensitive or you are not. If you have it, you can usually hone it and become more sensitive. If you don’t, you can increase it, but never to the level that a baseline “sensitive” person can.

And sensitivity has a lot to do with how you respond. For example, you know that your sensitivity led you to protect and look out for your younger sister. People think sensitivity means “weak.” But sensitivity also makes you BRAVE. Sensitivity means that you can withstand a LOT of pain, a LOT of abuse and a lot of heartache – more than most non-sensitive people ever could. The thing is, non sensitive people rarely know how MUCH pain/overwhelm/whatever you are experiencing, because they don’t know what it’s like to be you.

You are YOU, Jessie, and you are sensitive. But nobody “made” you sensitive by their actions. Your sensitivity allowed you to survive and withstand your experience – and to continue to hold those memories in a vivid way.

The gift is, you can see it, you can talk about it, and you can share it. And that is good for a lot of things.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:10pm
791: Emoticon says:

Thank you Daria, thats JUST how i feel

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:19pm
792: Daria says:

yo u didng like me or somethin ? cuz i was diggin u…?

feelin scared confused expectant

stomach lurchin

ok i feel uncomfortable he hints at sex every time he speaks to me

i feel tense in my arms and

warm in my heart AND tense in my arms

and i feel crawly on my skin

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:20pm
793: Tereana says:

I drew a pretty hard line in the sand with one of my (former) CDs, who asked me out again recently. He asked me out, but then he was being really lame about the follow up.

In all, I think I possibly could have handled the situation better. Part of me was thinking – why can’t I just relax and let the guy call me tomorrow? Why am I making such a big deal of this? But I did observe that he seemed to have other priorities, and I would rather go out with someone who makes *me* a priority.

And then I realized – the heart of the matter was that I really didn’t want to go out with him in the first place. I was going to let him do something nice for me. But really, I was done with seeing him. Even if it was only “as friends,” I still wasn’t interested. I walked out on him before for a reason. I don’t know why I don’t want to be with him, I just don’t.

So I decided not to drag the whole thing out. I thanked him and said it was a very nice offer, but no thank you. I declined.

done and done!

*brushes hands together and surveys the clean room*

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:21pm
794: Emerson says:

I”m feeling so sad and emotional right now

I want to rebuild a new life and a new vision

I feel lost and upset by my fear

I feel mad that I could not face some of my really deep issues ten years ago

I was not ready to accept some truths about my parents esp my Mom

It’s just as painful now so should have just dealt with it ten years ago

It affects how I relate to people and how I talk to them and walk away in a huff like hmmph when i feel hurt

I want to have a new approach and have a way to make a relationship work

And not shut down

I feel so sad and teary not able to stop tears from coming out

I love my tears and my sadness

(emerson)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:23pm
795: Daria says:

i feel UN comfortable

i dont want sex to be more important than making sure im comfortable
WFFF

feeling mad

im feeling turned off dude!

i appreicate so MUCH other stuff about you!

and i like you

and this feels EW

and i feel rarhhh

running out of patience of ‘tolerating’

i want to not tolerate at all

this is my awareness of my pattern

all about me

clammed up talking about sex

shut down

ieee

i can heal!

i AM healing and shifting my patterns

and i can speak and express me

and waht i feel

and NOTICE what i feel

and what seems to be triggering it – for context

and how to say it non blamingly

i wanna kick it w a guy i feel COMFORTABLE aroudn

but wont we never get anywhere withotu him Pushing for sex?

thats what they said

and i believed it

and its not true

ITS NOT TRUE

im shifting this belief

it WILL happen

without pushing

easy

flow

from my desire

ha

men

they pushed

i want them to push

and i dont want them to push

and it sounds like a dance reading it

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:25pm
796: Daria says:

right now on the spot my words woudl be :

babe, youre coming on too strong

babe i feel uncomfortable, i dont feel good when a guy comes on to me too strong

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:26pm
797: Emoticon says:

Me: wow i feel mad
P: Why
Me: i dont wanna talk 2 a guy who i dont c or hear from all dayn then contacts me at mnight. Like i jus feel turned off.
P: What r u talkin about… If I don’t hit U up. Then we don’t ever talk. And to be honest I’ve been busy doin some errands all day that I haven’t even talked to anyone. I’m just now goin home and figured I had a lil free time to talk. Thats why I hit u up just now. But If that’s how u feel, ok then
Me: wow this feels bad

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:28pm
798: Daria says:

i feel such intensity sometimes

right now i felt like someone stuck their hand in my stomach and twisted

writing those words i just wrote on the rescript

again now

babe, i feel uncomfortable… i dont want to havea guy come on to me too strong…

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:28pm
799: Tereana says:

Sassy #384 –

(this is Tiffany)

Yes! He was the guy with the weird sexual/semi-sexual experience. I definitely think I bonded with him from that, but also from a lot of other contact. I believe receiving texts and attention every day produced oxytocin as well!

Two years, huh??? lol. I’ll be over it soon enough.

In fact, I think I probably am. I might have cured myself (again) through contacting him, and realizing that he’s not exactly worth my time. And also I had some help this weekend… ; )

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:29pm
800: Daria says:

E: wait!
i say he’s doing good

he just said why!

id say

E: {this feels bad}

i felt bad i didnt want to be a booty call… i dont want to feel that way with you (melt)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:29pm
801: Daria says:

dont send the ‘melt’ lol thats just a stage que

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:30pm
802: Emoticon says:

LOL Daria thank you…. i do appreciate his concern he just texted back… what feels bad…

I think the “if i dont hit you up, we never talk” thing is what triggered me to feel bad, because i feel like im being reprached for leanign back and sticking to my boundaries. I also feel very triggered when someone says “what are u talking about” My NVs tell me that theyre really saying

“stfu b*tch u trippin, u crazy a*s, stupid hoe”

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:33pm
803: Daria says:

cue Siren:

man : apologizing by explaining – not attacking

man seems to be triggered

Siren: aww yeah man i dont want to feel bad with you (swoon)

man: likely feels out of the dog house – happy – AND has to respect siren
***connection created****

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:33pm
804: Emoticon says:

I notice i feel scared to send him Daria’s suggestion for a FM…. I have a wall up and im scared to say the wrong thing. Im going to send it… ahhhh.

why am i feeling scared.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:35pm
805: Daria says:

Emtoicon – WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

hahahaaa

omg i squaelsd

about the stupid bihc fuhkin hoe lollll

yeah i know!!! it so feels like that to me too when im in the moment!

but it doesnt look taht way fromt he outside !

guess thats why its called INTENSITY

FFFRRR

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:35pm
806: Emoticon says:

my walls make me so frightened to put myself in a position where a guy can say something mean and it could possibly hurt my feelings.

It really feels like bungee jumping to me… I just need 2 reassure myself that my rope is safe and I can let myself fall and hang!

I sent it.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:36pm
807: sunshine says:

just talked to a match.com guy havent met yet…
I feel weird hes so quick to agree on every thing I say, everything i say is “amazing” and “wow’ and your so (insert compliment)….i mean its all really nice but I feel suspicious and ackward..he reminds me soooo much of a guy I met on speed dating and he even sounds like him so extra nice and complimentary turns out he only wanted to get into my pants and Im wondering if thats true about this one…too soon to tell
Has anyone experienced this? an extra nice agreeable man? doesnt it feel weird/ suspicious?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:38pm
808: Emoticon says:

Ahhh Daria… i love your spin on things. MY walls are the problem here…. I can be a bit defensive sometimes

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:38pm
809: Daria says:

Men: (people): (beings): evertyhign :

i think we kinda ‘model’ the relationship emotional behavior, and the tone of the talk for them

like they might start out getting triggered and defensive,

btu seeing us handle some situations where theyre triggered and defensive by not escalating and still melting just heals some of that right up for them

they still gotta do their own work – we’re inspiration…

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:39pm
810: Daria says:

gooo Emoticon! it feels thrilling!!!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:40pm
811: Emoticon says:

So remember the couple on FB that i was talking about and I had commented on the man’s status to say i felt bad reading it….. Starla ( i think u made the comment) was so right about this man tho. He gets a kick out of women feeling bad or disagreeing with his status. Even when his wife said she felt disrespected. He comes back to comment

“Awwww, the truth hurts, huh ladies”

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:40pm
812: Daria says:

we did give him a harsh ass answer lol >>> with an EW lol after an “i feel turned off” LOOL!

no wonder he was triggered

he is probably so attracted right now

i wonder if hes gonna let his pistness get the best of him and talk shit

or if hes gonna be more hearted about making sure the girl feels cool

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:42pm
813: Emoticon says:

Daria, it feels awesome to know that I am an insiration to my man. And it all makes sense…. *epiphany* …. WOW this feels amazing, that I can maybe let my walls down and see who lets theirs down too

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:42pm
814: Daria says:

Emoticon : i would comment

ew that feels disgusting sounds like a sadomascohist torturer or soemthing

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:43pm
815: Emoticon says:

I trust that he won’t take any anger out on me Daria. I think maybe for the first time ever, he’s understanding how i operate and why i do the things i do…. before last night i have sent him home a few times because i felt uncomfortable, but never expressed that in a FM….. jus stated my boundary

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:45pm
816: Emoticon says:

Daria, the first FM that came to me reading his comment was “bleh! I feel disgusted reading all of this, I feel like banishing you from the planet so no women have to deal with this crap!”

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:46pm
817: Tereana says:

My thought/CD musing for the day is that, to me, it seems easier to “lean back” with some guys than others. More specifically, it’s easier with a “masculine” guy – because he’s already leaning forward and pursuing us! It’s what he wants to do! : )

It’s those guys with some feminine aspect…suddenly we want to lean in and fill the space. Feels like someone’s got to do it. And then…Oops! We fall in.

I was thinking of this, because I had an interesting date with a guy on Saturday. It was interesting because, as we planned the date, I was thinking that I wanted to go hiking, but I didn’t say it. And then he asked if I wanted to go hiking. LOL!! I <3 synchronicity. And male intuition! Lolz

So we had a great time hiking in the woods. (He walked behind me most of the time, so he could check out my badiddly-donk-booty. Oh yes, he did.)

He's interesting because he loves nature and all that. But he ALSO loves his motorcycle and driving his fast little sports car – in nature. In fact, he loves driving it fast on windy woodsy roads. So on the way home he was going like 40 or 50 mph around curves that had a 20 mph speed limit. I was feeling super nervous, but not wanting to criticize or say anything to make him stop. Finally, I just very calmly said, "Hey, I'm feeling a little nervous over here." And I didn't even have to explain. He just looked at me and smiled and apologized. Then he slowed down and drove at a reasonable pace the whole rest of the way!

Yay for me and yay for FMs!

It felt really easy, and definitely really effective in the moment. I told him I felt nervous – and he did something to take care of me. Yay! : )

Later on, he told me that he saw it as "his job" to please me. teehee! This is a very masculine guy. I love it! The only thing is, I am *not* entirely sure that I like the way he kisses all the time. Sometimes okay, but sometimes it's a little too "wet" for me. *sigh* Why can't everything be perfect!! lol I know. I sound whiney. It's just that kisses are so nice. And I want to feel the best and super sexy when someone kisses me. I don't want to feel like "ew, I like this guy, but I wish the kissing would stop." lol. That doesn't make sense! But maybe this guy is not my soul mate. Maybe he's just another bridge or stepping stone on the way to where I am really going. And I appreciate him and his masculine energy!! Yay!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:47pm
818: Emoticon says:

im throwing in the sadomasochistic torturer…. i dont wanna banish him from the planet under his wife’s comment lol… that might trigger her

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:47pm
819: Daria says:

sunshine – yes, theres all kinds of guys… our job IS to let in all praise, and ALSO notice our feelings

it may be in large part that we’re uncomfortable with a guy who’s really into us

AND even a guy who’s really into us might wind up to not be avaialble of have qualities (anger issues, financial issues, domestic issues) that prevent him from making a relationship with us

BUT – we’er just here to practice our Siren tools and to become SIRENS!

so all we gotta do is PRACTICE NEW BEHAVIORS! like a videogame, where we are expreimenting fora way to discover stuff

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:48pm
820: Emoticon says:

on second thought…. no i won’t, because i feel guilty for calling S&M disgusting….. weird…. hmmm…. i wonder if its because of rihanna’s song

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:49pm
821: Daria says:

Emoticon – abt sandomasochistic torturer

that IS a judgement

i dono ick

‘eek that feels awful and scary ‘

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:51pm
822: Daria says:

Emoticon ! yeah! wow same line thinking! we are good!!

#Team NO BLAME

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:51pm
823: Daria says:

gotta appeal to his good side

it DOES feel frightening to me i can feel it squeezing my pelvis and pulling my smile down

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:52pm
824: Emoticon says:

I feel a lot of pain in my shoulder!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:56pm
825: Daria says:

this florida guy i feel really disappointed with

i feel ashamed loserish

going back to cali w my tail btwn my legs

crushin on a guy who idnt even retrun my honest lean forward text

omg

how humiliated i feel

to be thinking of this man and hes not calling me

i wonder what this showed up to heal for me

i feel humiliated so much

caring about people who treat me badly

thinnking about them

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 9:58pm
826: Daria says:

feelin so disappointed

left out missin out

sittin in a hotel room on a poppin ass memorial day weekend down the road from the party

but u aint got nobody to take u u broke Bi8tch

aha

i feel humiliated being ‘broke’

ouch chest

this feels REEEEEELy uncofortable fro me to wirte about

my pussy is even twitching

wow

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:01pm
827: sunshine says:

thanks Daria. i cant imagine saying “i feel ackward youre so overcomplimentary i feel fake and weird” hahaha man thats horrible i just couldnt say that but fun to imagine

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:02pm
828: Emoticon says:

((((((((Daria)))))))))))))

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:02pm
829: Emoticon says:

Sunshine Daria…. I would say it. Some guys compliment a lot but it feels genuine.

Some other guys, my gut just tells me he is over-doing it, going out of his way to flatter you for a reason, he’s fake about it…. it just feels bad so i say that i feel uncomfortable.

hmmmm i feel scared to call him out on being fake…. i fear he may get angry

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:04pm
830: Daria says:

i gotta feel comfortable even broke before i can have abundance

im broke but im blessed

ok try it nv takl script

you broke bitch!

~~ ?:( that feels bad

bit8ch u broke

me: so? ~~~ translation

me: yeah …

you hella bootsy

me: ouch

new ~ ‘ouch, babe, i dont want to be treated this way’

gotta make some moeny then

me `i dont want to make money babe’ = translation still in defending /e xplaing talking aout the line of thinking

what ma I FEELING = realixing this if w my parents too

i feel bad

so

me: ‘im feeling bad… my heart feels in pain’

omg it will GET THEM!!!!

hahahahhahas

i got them by talkin about heart hahahahaa

they gonna get hella defensive and talk about hteir ice box in their chest but im gonna be right conncetd in there

yayyyyy

go meeeee

im a super power upperrrrrrrr

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:07pm
831: Daria says:

sunshine – “i feel ackward youre so overcomplimentary i feel fake and weird”

seeing a guy as overcomplimentary show up is ALWAYS practice in receiving

can you find what about more specifically is triggering you?

give an example fo what feels uncomfortable here on blog?

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:10pm
832: Daria says:

its practice in receiving even if he DOES have other creepy or icky qualities – also practicing differentiating THAT … feeling unsafe

from the receiving compliments practice

and really getting a good idea of whats triggering you so you can change the pattern associating “creepY’ with “complimenting a lot” = even if this guy IS doing both! and even if he reminds you of another (or many) men who do both!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:12pm
833: Daria says:

a good fm is “i feel weird”

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:13pm
834: Daria says:

not saying i dont have the same reactions sometimes!

those puppydog men, you are the moon in my sky i want an instant realationship with you men ick me out too!

and its both an issue w receiving with me, and an issue of being more clear on what exactly is icking me out (feeling disconnected, feeling unheard, unseen, feeling bored, feeling scared, feeling mistrustful, feeling judgemental)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:14pm
835: Daria says:

wow im giving myself some fuvhkin good advice here!

wow hello!

im ready for this next level to be put into ACTION!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:17pm
836: Emoticon says:

So…. I just realized BootycallCD (funny how that became his alias) never texted back after my last text.

My NVs r telling me that he’s mad and thinks im a trip and doesnt wanna talk to me anymore.

But mayyyyybe he’s driving and he wants to focus on that.

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:18pm
837: Daria says:

im saying d

how you gonna have issues

about bein rich

AND about bein broke

sheesh pick one or hte other b

(judging myself)

fun!

well fun Noticing im judging myself

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:22pm
838: Daria says:

or maybe you gave his ass something to think about he aint never really had to wrok hard for so now he has to like ‘ get over the shock ‘ and figure out how to proceed

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:23pm
839: Emoticon says:

true i thought of that too….. but i felt reluctant to say it…. i feel like i would be tooting my own horn….

hmmmm whats wring with that

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:24pm
840: Daria says:

i got coconut water

im rich!

im da shit

im out in florida

yeeee!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:25pm
841: Daria says:

hehe Toot Toot Tooting Emoticon’s horn!

Toot that horn girl!

Toot toot!

im da shit!

all up in here..

yeah im da shit

all up in here

ha im the shit

all up in here

cuz im the shit

all up in here

toot toot

toot your alarms

toot your alarms

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:27pm
842: Emoticon says:

Oh wow I am the shit…. Im using all these FMs all over fB and now i no longer feel scared or nervous. I can say anything. WOW, this feels great. Thank you daria, you are my inspiration.

Another CD just contacted me to see if im awake. He is in Florida right now also Daria…. i wonder if u guys met haha

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:29pm
843: Daria says:

remix!

im ahving the best time, but i feel ucnomfortable

keep judging myself asa prostitute, like im less tan or something

like im living like a prostitute, fast and lonely

ih

on the fly

i feel

of zero worth

flying around like paper

im gossamer paper w writing ! like rori says

ohhh

that feels nice

and if eel SCARED

being alone and unattached out ehre

aaaahhh

it feels overhwleming and scary

and i love me

and i feel sad

this is what it would fele like to live alone

omg

this feels so
….

fly by the pants soooo

promiscuous?

soooooo

somthing sad about it

like a bum

a homeless

rootless

ouch

im alone

im not worhty if im alone

im just a girl

nothing really

a worthless powerelss girl

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:30pm
844: Emoticon says:

Married guy wit the FB posts also never responded….. I ahve all the men in awe right now….

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:30pm
845: Daria says:

whoa thats feels deep yo

i never followed that all teh way down like that

i feel moved

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:30pm
846: Daria says:

he can have one of his masculine energy friends call me if theyd like lol im alone in my telly in Hollywood and i want to get swooped up and have fun

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:32pm
847: Emoticon says:

The cant believe they bounced up with a siren who is not afraid to speak her feelings in a non blamey way…. they are stunned

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:32pm
848: Daria says:

i am having HEALL A fun right now here by myself tho

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:33pm
849: Emoticon says:

I just told him my friend is in florida too…. theyre coming back i think in the morning but lets see what he says lol…

I just felt my stomach cringe… a CD put up a funny status and i left comment saying that it made me laugh and what not, then his friend commented. He responded to him and not me…. WOW

I feel scared like deleting my comment, but im even more scared to seem petty for doing that… wow…..

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:34pm
850: Daria says:

hehe Emoticon yay!

i have so many Cds right now here theyre comin out my ears

and men who are beggin me to go down on me lol is that like overcomplimentary lol?

what do i really feel uncomfortable with?

mmm

i feel uncomfortable with sex before i have a strong emotional connection and feel loved!

i trust that FloridaCD loved me from the first blunt

thats how i dont understand how /why he poofed i feel lost and tight in my jaw

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:35pm
851: Daria says:

i feel furrowed brow too

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:35pm
852: Emoticon says:

OMG married guy’s wife came back on his status and said (head down)….. i feel so protective of her right now….. i want to hug her and tell her to put her head up and speak seriously to her ass hole husband about his feelings towards women… this is something deeper than just a FB status

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:36pm
853: Daria says:

omg now i feel juiced

and im not there

left out again

its my STORy

aachk

i dont want to keep being committed to this story!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:36pm
854: Daria says:

emoticon – wow shes doing well though shes a SIREN!

i think she might jsut got this!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:37pm
855: Emoticon says:

Daria CD in florida said “Im ready to go home Miami is not for me”

hmmm im curious as to whether something went wrong

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:38pm
856: Daria says:

Ew i woudl delete my comment that sounds liek a great idea iiiiick ew youck i feel mad aaah feel embarassed ick blah ugh i dont want to be treated bad or second class omg feels releif now

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:38pm
857: Daria says:

Emoticon – he is likely stuck in traffic the freeway was blocked for miles and hours last nite

good thing i got in with the locals and they took me on side roads … i feel happy and good about myself!

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:40pm
858: Daria says:

haitianCD brought me the BEST bomb its like cali olschool shti i feel so happy

we were giglling looking up aliens it felt fun

he drove me around and last nite came just to take me to a bus stop so id go downtowna nd then said hed pick me back up

aww

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:42pm
859: Emoticon says:

Im deleting it…. i feel so ignored and sooo…. like on a way lower level that his friends in his head and that is not cool…. i dont want my comments on there anymore

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:44pm
860: Daria says:

im going tomorrow to a trina concert down there ladies in free yeeah

this time ima be in a GOOD mood and feelin myself!

ima wear my ripped leggings that be so fly and ima be w my bay area swag w my flat flip flops no biggie AND maybe ill even do my nails lol or ima cut them

cuz i was feelin self conscious baout them

talkin bout my toes

i have em natrual and i ahve naturally beatuiful toes and still i feel all tigthensted up knowin guys judge me on it and they might just judge me awww

ufff

feesl so uncomofrtable

if i paint my toes im a get hollared at at least 3 times more hmmm

cuz my toes go

maybe yeah

hehe just for that

why undermine myself

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:44pm
861: Daria says:

emoticon – yeah im feelin that with you feels so uncomfortable

i feel jealous of my brothers when they do that and im like i wish they would pay more attention to me

i feel sad and lonely in that moment and i feel angry my baby me is in a position to feel that way

aww i feel sad and moved now

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:46pm
862: Emoticon says:

WOW…. i usually feel too scared to state my feelings if they go against a joke that a CD is cracking on someone else…. but i dont want to judge other people and laugh at then that doesnt feel fun to me…. and I told CD in florida that… and now i feel like WOW E, did u jus say that….. dang girl u r so sassy tonight

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:47pm
863: Daria says:

bring ur ass back here, and hang out with me at the hotel the whole time im here NOW

now i feel scared, like what i f i dont like that

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:51pm
864: Emoticon says:

YEP…. im used to being princess of the world….. what man has the guts 2 b in my life n treat me like less thannnnnn i mean….. come on now

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:51pm
865: Daria says:

im such a strategizer when it comes to showin up on the scene

hehe eand looking cool

hehe i feel embarassed and warmed and admiration and love for myself

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:54pm
866: Emoticon says:

STARLA>… remember i JUST asked you today about what “missed connections” was… well i just got added to a FB group…. missed connection for my island….. isnt it weird that i just found out what it was…..

The synchronicity in my life never ceases to amaze me

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:55pm
867: Daria says:

u doin too much!

u don i too much

always doin too muhch

always doin too much

u hushin n shushin an hidin

an fussin and the truth is i feel shaky and nervous and im avoididng donig the 5 second look cuz i feel like ima orgasm and i dont want to have sex

and ?

i give myself permission to orgams without having sex

just cuz i orgasm around u doesnt mean i wanna have sex w u

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:56pm
868: Emoticon says:

wow…. daria’s last comment made me feel turned on

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:57pm
869: Daria says:

just cuz i look like i want to suck you desperately when i look in your eyes doesnt mean i want to have sex w u

just cuz you can see exactly how wet my pussy gets by lookin in the eye

doesnt mean i want to have sex with you

omg

this feels deep

i feel very strange

in my body right now

like fog clouds are moving through me

the polarity is changging

whoa

omg

my leg is moving

stuff is moving

im feelin moved

on a circle

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 10:58pm
870: Daria says:

wait i didnt write the truly mush ones that i feel embarassed to and ‘so not me’

just cuz you can see my soul bare in my chest when i look in your eyes doesnt mean i want to have sex with you

just cuz you can see how much i want love when i look in your eyes doesnt mean i want to have sex with you

help i feel overtaken

oh its the clouds

ok

its ok

daria

you are a cloud goddess

and you love

glittery sunlinght

on your golden body

huntress lioneess

you eat and love

i am the monogamous lionesss

hehe

the one who lives alone with her descendants

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:01pm
871: Daria says:

just cuz you can see how much i really want you to fall in love with me when you look in my eyes doesnt mean i want to have sex with you

just cuz you can see how turned on i get when i look in your eyes doesnt mean i want to have sex with you

just cuz i allow you to touch me doesnt mean i want to have sex with you

just cuz my toes are all smushed and crooked from mmy pride and joy doesnt mean i want to have sex wtih you

just cuz i think im broke doesnt mean i want to have sex with you

nothing means i want to have sex with you

i do NOT want to be asked to have sex more than once until i want to have sex with you

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:04pm
872: Emoticon says:

WOW….. that “dont want” at the end Daria…. thats powerful and im stealing it

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:07pm
873: Daria says:

how will i know when u want to then?

*i dont know

or i can just not answer, cuz im still riding the frustration wave w that one

i can instead look in his eyes for the 5 seconds and connect silently

and i wont need to speak

yay

and if he grabs me!

omg!

i feel panicked

i feel ick

man spit lips on me ugh

ick blah ick!!
ick!!!

omg

ew

its like a daog

ew growss

gross

ew

i feel like throwing up

all the icky kisses ive tolearted (pre rori)

now its a peck and thats enough

IF im not feeling comfortable

but a soft allowing him to touch my lips a few seconds is my way to do it when im not feeling all hot for him yet

i dont ‘force myself’

i just ‘allow myself’

and if i dont feel comfortable at a particular time, i just say no i dont want to kiss right now and act totally natural like its no big deal and he asked me something that was toally up to me.., like do you want a bowl of cereal babe

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:08pm
874: Daria says:

Emoticon – wow when i think it, i feel all bent over like duck and cover position ducking from blows

whoa!

i feel SCARED!

omg

thank u for pointing that out for me

tonite is amazing

feels amazing even me not beeing at the party

im still ridin the wave of party energy

all nite baby all nite!!! woooooohhhhh

sexy men everywhere really nice to me men i got a hotel ON the beach – even tho i dont cuk w the beach cuz i dont want tanleines and it feels so hot and i feel sooo good having a room to LOUNGE i love lounging in bed on the internet

heeee

and then i get all frenzied and put a status on tagged

like whos local wants to help me w so and so – but usually in fms and then

hella guys show up inboxing me so i feel overhwlemed cuz they are constantly writing omg i feel all squeezed in my thingh i notice

ohhh im WHINING

this is a pattern

wow im on tonite

super noticing

super changing my perception fo me

i think i really AM cool

and guys DO wanna drive me around so i can pick up grocereis

and even if they konw other guys want tme they STILL do yay

and theyre all NICE when im nice

and the pscyhos respond fairly well to threats to call the poilce

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:12pm
875: Daria says:

my haitian friend said he got my back

i havent had sex since February

ive a had some years of no sex ll just a week out the year and mostly not good at all ugh ::

i wonder will i ever have good sex again

baby

whill i ever do it again

babay

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:15pm
876: Emoticon says:

wow that feels like an awful long time of celibacy

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:20pm
877: Daria says:

how can i have female friends again?

thoes girls on teh bus wanted to invite me iwth them i could tell….

and then i just ran on them!

omg

wheeewwwhuh

i feel so embarased and uncomfortable

wwaahhhhh

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:21pm
878: Daria says:

Emoticon – yes its fuchkin terrible. aint no bitach tryan see me she is gonna get her ass whooped from hella frustration lol

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:22pm
879: Daria says:

what feels crazy is that i like meet and even kiss a man almost daily…

and i even have got head a few times

and am def getting hugs and maassages

but as far as sex i dono i seem to be attracted to these men that are somehow not having sex wi me lol

theyre either ppof like FloridaCD here, orlikye NYguy orlike guywho or like SexyCD who came back and is beain mean

or like PaperCD who is talkin about im not payin him attetnio in a demanding way (thats cute and scary and i feel angry and annoyed and annoyed and disappointed well panicked that i will fele diappoinsted in my dearm when i felt SO connected w him over skype)

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:25pm
880: Daria says:

by attracted to i mean i feel open to have sex with

i dont feel open to have sex with my other cds

i wont have sex w a man until i feel open to have sex w him

and i only feel open w those ‘special’ guys that i just ADMIRE and they seem soo intelligent and interesteing like me

like they generate that energy i enjoy of talking and exploring and storytelling

and all men do so wat is about these ones

well i think if i were seen w them all the girls would be like wow we never seen nothin like that they are reallly actin like theyre together how did she do That?”

and thats what i want

i want a trophy man to feel worthy of female friendship and attention ?

i dono

i feel embarasedand frozen in stance even wrting about this

this must be a trauma

ouch

i feel vulnerable

embarassed

ouch

omg

u cant see me like this

ogmg

now

no

omg

i feel so embarassed

i wanan beat one of these bitkhices asses

omg

i feel so mad

i feel so uncomfortable w ok its clouds movinn thru my body

brathe out

yah

girl

u got this

ur ridin the wave

om movin like a exocrciset lithgt weihght

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:29pm
881: Emoticon says:

i am judging myself… for want to lighten my skin on certain parts… like my back, my butt, my coochie….. theyre darker than the rest of my body and the rest of my body doesnt even tan that dark

It would feel nice to feel even toned.

I feel bad like im ashamed of my race like thats what people will say if i lighten…. hmmmm wow

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:31pm
882: Daria says:

ouch! i feel sad

i feel scared im gonna miss trina tomorrow

cuz i feel hella lazy and i dont wana go early

and wat if i go early i will have fun

well i wanted to… wat….

i donooo……

i feel sad

i feel WHINYYYYEee

ouch

i feel sad

i feel whinyyyy

i feel scared

i feel sad

i feel sad

mmm

i feel surprised

i feel pinched

i feel Awakened

wow

i get in whiny pattern when i shutdonw / go to sleep / am tired

aww baby daria

part o f daria DOES NOT want to go t sleep

darias notse tingles

i fee l tingly in my forheadt ooo

in oneo f those ways that doesnt feel good

like whn you actin annoyed and rollin your eyes and tomseobdy like tehy amke u uncomfortalbe and u gonna look at your watch ou

i feel bad

ou

thats what Fl CD did to me

but he relly liked me

AND HE ASEKD FOR A HUG!

i did not even stand up!

well i did After he ased

bu wow

i mean u gusy, he LIKED me

like

as a human being for sure

but ummm

wtf

i feel so ooooo

like i took a hitin my fmeininity

im opening to other men but i ned to throw my shiedl up on him like that dude Dr paul was talkin about lol

180 out the windowwwww! gone

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:36pm
883: Emerson says:

Emoticon I feel curious what is your race

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:40pm
884: Emoticon says:

Daria Im black mostly….. My brothers and father are like pan africanists. They hated when i had a perm, the hate when i get a weave because theyre all like “african pride” I feel like ic an wear my afro when i feel like and wear a weave when i feel like…. and straighten my hair when i feel like and if i wanna whiten my skin i can do that…. Nothing wrong with altering your look I think.

I just feel so scared of all the criticism that will be coming from everywhere

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:45pm
885: Daria says:

hey i just made a joke about violence against another person!

that is promoting violence!
it felt so FUN!

a t the time and now i feel uncomfortable

having that energy in my ‘vibration’

yum

noticing

twitch jerk

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:48pm
886: Daria says:

Emoticon – the outlines of my coochie are dark too

i like it i wonder if its cuz i sat w my coochie in the sun one time and ever since then it permanently tanned… i did that to my boob circles too

hmmm

i want ALL EVEN TONE

to the point that i will NOT go on the beach even to en joy it so i dont tan with tan lines

and i will go to great lengths even go to a nude beach to tan

i want to do that, in my back yard too

i feel lazy

i feel sad

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:52pm
887: Daria says:

Emoticon – i guess everyone has their preferences and we can all lighten and darken and color and print whatever we want!

its all bout what we want

ouch

remember that daria

i feel ashamed for wanting to make my butt bigger

i feel like IM saying my butt is not big enough or like my race or build is inferior

hmm that ‘race thing’ again i feel so sad when i say the above thing i wonder what happened to make me feel this way>?

ouch ouch

sad girl

omg

EVERYONE made fun of me

STOP

that is my story

i see my story i was launching in

ok

i love me

i feel sooo uncomfortable

Clouds

ooh theyre clouds these feeligns

wow what intensity

i thought i was not attractive

by the way im heall fuchkin attractive and i ahve a pretty huge butt in all the man like it ways

ok see i had to defend that

i felt oo humiliated

i coudnt handle it

i think i cant handle it now

i want to feel powerful

i CAN handle it

and i want to fele good
i feel moved

Sunday, 27 May 2012 @ 11:57pm
888: Emoticon says:

((((((daria))))))))

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 12:00am
889: Daria says:

this feels too uncomfortable

how can i heal this?

ive dissasosciated and wnet in my head

i feel all spaced out

hehehe

i love my exhale

hehe

i love my animlal me

my baby daria me

i love my lil girl lizard me

my twitchy me my lay out in the sun me

my squeeze pussy thinking fo that guy me

i feel turned on, and i feel sad

i feel powerless

i LIKE that

thats what it is

i like that i feel powerless

w him

w these gus

they ahve all the power

and im thinking hteyre powerFUL

and its more like im giving them MY power

wow

okay that feels refreshing like a beach shower on sand feet

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 12:00am
890: Daria says:

my pussy feels sad

i feel uncomfortable talking like this

i feel worried i got a bacterial infection

from changing climates and nto eating yoghurt to get the local Probiotic lil organizms

and also sticking my finger in here without washint it

AND its my body warning me that i was giving away my sexuality to SExy cd and NOT doing it for myself and it had a bad reaction

same thing happened w Dman

and w Transformer man before wen it wasnt about me

ouch

thanks body

and i feel panicked!

i feel furious!

wow

thanks body

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 12:02am
891: Daria says:

oh yeah power feels exciting to me in a man i like a man w the power to make my dreams come true yah

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 12:20am
892: Daria says:

my throat had an orgasm hmm i want to suck dick lol

wow i feel scared now

rori talks about flip flop w chemsityr

let it in exciteemtn bliss and also flip to war protectionist

thought to thgouth

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 12:22am
893: Daria says:

wow it feels flattering that this girls freindly, and she likes me

but im not feeling all that better around her than without her

she seems so… like a good friend

(((

me : connection!

umf
awww

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 12:29am
894: Emoticon says:

That CD in Florida right now…. I feel like his absolute number ONE…. I swear i do.

I need to be careful that it doesnt stop me from CDing because he has not asked me for a commitment.

I feel almost like I would say yes if he asked me to be his gf….

U kno rihanna’s song ONLY GIRL….. thats how i feel whenever i hear from him…. he’s so all about me…. and makes me happy. wow…..

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 1:52am
895: Lizka says:

Thank you Emerson, thank you Starla for your kind words about my yesterday’s loneliness. Thank you Lili for the hug. You are all putting tears in my eyes this morning.

I am actually feeling a little better. I think I was really tired last night after sleeping only 6.5 hours and running 21,1km. Lol

I went to sleep at 8pm, and when I woke up in the middle of the night, ATW has texted me. He texted me again in the morning. So at least, for this, the worried feeling is gone. I asked him if he would come take care of me tonight because I can barely walk right now… If he says no, it’s ok. I’ll just take no for an answer and go do something to take care of my poor little body.

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 3:31am
896: Rebecca says:

I was just wondering something. Have you ever gone on a date with a guy and got nothing out of him. Like the conversation feels forced and stilted?

But do you ever get the feeling that he is looking for you to dig a little deeper??!

I do..

I don’t know how to handle these situations.

I want these men to be interested in ME.

But they just seem to want ME to be interested in Them….?!

How dows anyone else deal with this?!

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 3:59am
897: Rebecca says:

This blog is addicive isn’t it! So much great advice and experiences to learn from. I’m loving it!

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 4:07am
898: Rebecca says:

Lizka – I so relate to what you say about your feelings of loneliness at your race.

((((((Lizka))))))

It feels like a mirror to me. I wonder what this is to heal inside of me. A feeling of profound loneliness and comparrisons to others. Feeling sad. Feeling tense in my back. In my arms. In my neck. Butterflies in my stomach….

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 4:10am
899: Lizka says:

Oh, ATW suggested to take a day off to stay with me and take care of me all day. So I called my boss, told him I can barely walk after the marathon and Mr. ATW is going to play the nurse with me. He said we stay in bed all day, watch movies, have a big breakfast, maybe go rest in a park.

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 4:14am
900: Lizka says:

((((((Rebecca)))))

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 4:41am
901: Radlove says:

Emerson,

Thanks!

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 5:36am
902: Lilibee says:

I heard a story on the radio this morning about a woman who went aaalll the way with loving herself.

She was tired of waiting for Mr. Right to get married…so she married herself, litterally!
She planned a whole wedding for herself!

She had a ceremony where she recited her own vows to herself promising to always love herself, be loyal and devoted to herself, and in a white wedding gown too.
She had invited 100 guests.

She was on the Anderson Cooper show.

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 6:26am
903: Rebecca says:

Lilibee – That story is interesting. What a brave thing to do to get married to yourself!!

I keep imagining if a man did that how I would feel…

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 6:33am
904: Femininewoman says:

I just finished watching Deliver us From Eva, again. Such a reminder of things that men do. The kind of fears that drive our lives and how we can get into our own way.

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 6:38am
905: Femininewoman says:

Emoticon about lightening the skin, please be careful. There is a lot out there about people getting skin cancers as a result.

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 6:47am
906: Daria says:

I feel so sad

Enormous sadness pouring out of me

Mmm

I felt scared m traumatized

I’m starting to feel relaxed

Dang babe

I feel sad babe

I feel frustrated

Tense

Holding on

Sad

I feel bad about myself

I love my feeling bad Abt myself

That feels like soft smile

I love my soft smile

N that feels like pinching in my gall bladder

I love my pinching in my gallbladder

N That feels like

Squeezing in my colon

I love the squeezing in my Colin

N that feels like

Itching in my nani

I love the itching in my nani

N that feels like

Squeezing in my jaw

I love the squeezing in my jaw

N that feels like

Squeezing the backs of my ribs

N that feels like

Pressing around mu teeth

I love the pressing around my teeth squeezing my lips together

And that feels like

Giggly

I love giggly and that feels like big breath

I love my big breath and that feels like

Bladder squeeze.

I love my bladder squeeze n that feels like

Eyes closing

I love my eyes closing and that feels like

Bug breath

I love my big breath and that feels like. Tingly thigh n calf

I love my tingly thigh n calf

N that feels like

Moving n yawning

I love my moving n yawning and that feels like…

More yawn

I love my yawn n that feels like

Droopy mouth

I love my droopy mouth n that feels like

Yawn

I love my yawn

N that feels like farting ( >.< feel so embassies to write that)

I feel pist n sad now that I've been exposed doing that

I feel very pist

I love my pistness

And that feels like

Tingly in my throat

I love the tingly in my throat and that feels like

Tingly around my mouth

I love my tingly around my mouth and that feels like

Yawn

I love my yawn n that feels like

Tight in abdomen

I love my tight in andomen

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 7:00am
907: Starla says:

Good morning sirens
I feel grumpy

At least i have the day off of work

i feel just soooo grumpy
i think it might be pms, but today is day 16 of my cycle… i’m not sure when pms is supposed to start when my cycle is 28-35 days long.

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 7:34am
908: Jenny says:

I feel a little angry at myself today…

was thinking about my nice date with CDJim yeterday – and I remember something.

we was on a beach and he wanted to see me take a bath. So I did, and when we come back to the place where we had ower stuff. I picked up my tover and he said:
“You can use mine, I took an extra, since I thought you was going to need it if you got into the water”

And I didnt take it..he even said it one more time, that I could use is extra tovel.
…Adn now I feel soo stupided…why couldnt I just take it and say “thank you” with a smile

A well whats done is done – and I must see the progress. My old me wouldnt even thoughjt of it, or even worse got angry inside and thinking “I dont need a father or your help, I got my own tovel”

Now I feel mostly angry for myself for not taking the tovel – and wow I can recall the feeling of feeling too emberessed to take his tovel…but my inside was smiling.

..Breath, relax…he will not go away just for that one thing…next time, I take his help, even if I feel a little emberessed.

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 7:38am
909: Daria says:

Mmmm I just did some chigong and I feel so much better
… I will feel amazing after I do more exercises I kno

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 7:53am
910: Daria says:

These moves are easy n amazing I wish I could get everyone doing them they make me feel so good and healthy w energy after

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 7:56am
911: Rebecca says:

Sink into my feelings…

I am worried about so many things right now.

I’m finding it hard to know which road to take. I have a big financial decision to make. I’m finding it VERY difficult to make a decision. I feel sooooo on my own, and fearful. I want to feel strong. I feel numb. My body feels numb. We do not know how we should be feeling..? I don’t know a good decision from a bad one. I am so not financially savvy… Do I go or do I stay… Thats what it boils down to. But will I survive. I am scared….

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 9:11am
912: LoveAlways says:

New Thread is up!

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 9:12am
913: Tereana says:

Emoticon – about sadomasochism: It is OKAY if that turns you off.

Here’s a helpful Wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

Basically, Sadism and Masochism are not the same thing. They are opposites, though they often go together. “Sadistic” comes from the Marquis de Sade, and describes a person who takes pleasure in causing other people pain and/or torturing them. A “Masochist” is someone who ENJOYS receiving the pain/torture. So if that is someone’s thing, then they should find others who enjoy torturing them…

And it’s okay to ask yourself if you think those practices are or should be a part of a healthy relationship – or the kind of physical relationship you want. You don’t need to judge, but very often, people who have those preferences have them for psychological reasons. It does not necessarily mean that they are “sick.” But it doesn’t have to be a part of *your* healthy relationship if you don’t want it.

So feeling turned off or “ew” or even afraid is TOTALLY OKAY.

If I want a healthy relationship (and I do) then I do NOT want a sadistic torturer for a partner. That is the Antithesis of what I want – even if I have to TRAIN myself not to want to be with someone like that. And I was. Briefly, I was with someone who believed that giving me pain during sex would “heighten” my pleasure. he was wrong. It was distracting and it felt really bad. I do NOT want to be treated that way.

So having YOUR preference is okay, and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with judgment, except that you can judge that someone else’s “style” is not a match for yours….

Sorry, I felt a little triggered by this topic, and wanted to pitch in, though I don’t actually know if this is on target with what you were experiencing…anyway, those are my 2 cents.

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 1:30pm
914: Emoticon says:

Tereana, I kno it is okay to feel turned off by that. The thing is that I don’t feel turned off by it. I was comparing it to something that disgusted me but that was not sadistic or masochistic really. It feels like an awful judgement. There really is nothing wrong with S&M

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 4:01pm
915: Rori Raye says:

sweetpea – I know this is hard to get and to swallow – but the moment you start “helping” a man, you become his “mother” and then any hope of romance goes out the window. Stop helping him NOW. Stop cold. Let him take care of himself. That’s the only way – hard as it is. Love, Rori

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 4:32pm
916: Rori Raye says:

sunshine…please ease up on yourself! And – as far as I’m concerned – that was a GREAT Circular Date – where you could have met and danced with LOTS of men! Can you see that as a possibility, instead of the way you looked at it all? Certainly your gay male dance partner was scoping out the room for men to dance with, too. Getting out in public and socializing is a GREAT way to Circular Date. Love, Rori

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 4:34pm
917: Radlove says:

Jessie,

784 – “My speech for the day was not going to make it into cosmo”

Your words are valuable and beautiful.

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 5:55pm
918: Radlove says:

sweetpea,

693 – It is tuff, like Rori said. I love a man who has mental illness too. I have to remind myself to not try to fix him. I think we have to make a choice…are we going to relate to him as his therapist or as his lover?

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 5:58pm
919: Emoticon says:

((((((my sweetpea))))))
((((((Radlove)))))))
((((((men suffering from mental illness)))))))))

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 6:01pm
920: Catherine says:

OMG Thank-you so much for writing this. We have the exact same issue. My boyfriend has some depression issues, but doens’t understand why the sex just isn’t working when everything else is just so good. We are deeply in love and best friends on all levels. He keeps asking why would God put us together and leave this most important part out? Also, I keep breaking up with him hoping to find the right man, which doesn’t work since he and I have such a tight bond, we must be together. After reading this, I already feel better. I can’t wait to show this post to him. Everything else I ahve read jsut says either break up with him or insist that he gets Viagara. Thank-you so much.

Friday, 8 June 2012 @ 12:19pm

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