Sex and sexuality and sensuality – all together – is such a powerful topic, and we hardly ever discuss it. It’s SO easy to get comfortable in the “companionship” part of any relationship (not only in a marriage), and just let the “juice” fade out.
And “scheduled” sex feels like such a chore…we’re all overworked and tired, and it’s so easy to put sex way behind other things – eating dinner, a favorite TV show…we want to “settle in” – and as we get older and our hormones shift, the sexual “charge” isn’t enough to carry us into the bedroom, and we’re too physically tired to go with “on top of the kitchen table.”
What I see is that we are actually, each of us “turned on” at different moments during the day – but we let them pass, and put our sexual feelings off until “later” – to a more “appropriate” time. And then that time never comes.
If we could just allow those small moments to carry us into a general appreciation of our sexual feelings – whenever they show up, and almost always ACT on those feelings – even if we’re all by ourselves in the bathroom at work or at home in the shower…things will shift.
Here are some ways to do this in PUBLIC:
1. When you have a moment of feeling turned on (and I’d like you to focus on keeping yourself Turned On ALL the time…truly…) – instead of just stuffing it down for later because it’s “not an appropriate time,” take a moment – even just one moment to really, really EXPERIENCE the feeling in your body.
If the Turned On feeling is local, just in your vagina or breasts…see if you can let it flow through your whole body.
Consciously lower your shoulders, open your mouth, and see if you can allow your body to feel FLOODED with the warmth of the Turn On.
See if it makes you smile for a moment (and maybe even blush).
2. If – when you do this – a particular man shows up in your imagination, and thinking of that man makes you feel pain and longing instead of comfort and joy – add in MORE MEN!
That’s right, imagine there are more men around you – all handsome, sexy, naked or in full 3-piece suits or even scuba gear or knight-in-shining armor costume, perhaps even famous and celebrated and powerful in the world, and imagine their FULL ATTENTION is ON YOU.
Even if you’re standing in an office full of people, try this. Just let the room be filled with imaginary, beautiful men who WANT YOU.
If it makes you smile to even think of doing this – great.
3. If you can, get someplace private and touch yourself. Touch your face, your breasts, your vagina – just make contact that FEELS GOOD.
You don’t have to follow through to orgasm – that’s not the point (though it will raise your estrogen and oxytocin hormones if you do – and make you feel better all day long). Just be sure to get to where you can feel your body relax, get warm and turned on, and you can FEEL the experience and how it SLOWS YOU DOWN.
Consider this a MEDITATION.
Let me know what happens for you with this…