Comments on: A Helpful Interview http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Fri, 12 Mar 2010 03:12:58 +0000 hourly 1 By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-27250 Rori Raye Mon, 18 Jan 2010 18:23:58 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-27250 Joyelle, Welcome...and nearly everyone is a recovering something. If he's truly recovered, disciplined, on the spiritual journey that AA is all about...he's not off limits. Just watch for other addictions to show up in alcohol's place...and again...no exclusivity. Circular Date! Love, Rori Joyelle, Welcome…and nearly everyone is a recovering something. If he’s truly recovered, disciplined, on the spiritual journey that AA is all about…he’s not off limits. Just watch for other addictions to show up in alcohol’s place…and again…no exclusivity. Circular Date! Love, Rori

]]> By: Joyelle http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-27241 Joyelle Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:24:26 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-27241 What about men with alcohol addictions? My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and has been doing well with it, but he's still an alcoholic. Is he off limits? What about men with alcohol addictions? My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and has been doing well with it, but he’s still an alcoholic. Is he off limits?

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-18169 Rori Raye Sat, 17 Oct 2009 05:11:47 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-18169 Forrgettmenott, Welcome...and please, please take advantage of us all here and tell us everything you want to say. We are all about learning to be more focused on ourselves, and that requires trying on a bit of what might seem "selfish" to us, too...and then putting that together with curiousity and compassion, and all the qualities we LIKE in ourselves along with embracing all the parts of ourselves we find "ugly" and unpleasant. It's all part of the journey, and you'll move so much faster if you USE every opportunity to practice. That's what we're here for, so let us hear it ALL! Also...there's so much in the book ...if you really, really do the writing and practicing, you'll see so much change for you. On this blog...look for the posts (start with the oldest one first)) in Power & Self Esteem so you can practice "riffing." This will help you love yourself more and work through your trauma responses more quickly...Love, Rori Forrgettmenott, Welcome…and please, please take advantage of us all here and tell us everything you want to say. We are all about learning to be more focused on ourselves, and that requires trying on a bit of what might seem “selfish” to us, too…and then putting that together with curiousity and compassion, and all the qualities we LIKE in ourselves along with embracing all the parts of ourselves we find “ugly” and unpleasant. It’s all part of the journey, and you’ll move so much faster if you USE every opportunity to practice. That’s what we’re here for, so let us hear it ALL! Also…there’s so much in the book …if you really, really do the writing and practicing, you’ll see so much change for you. On this blog…look for the posts (start with the oldest one first)) in Power & Self Esteem so you can practice “riffing.” This will help you love yourself more and work through your trauma responses more quickly…Love, Rori

]]> By: forrgettmenott http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-18131 forrgettmenott Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:27:43 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-18131 Dear Rori, On behalf of all women, I want to say thank you for sharing your painful experiences with us and providing us the tools to help us have the relationships we want. What a wonderful world it would be if it had more people like you in it. It is sad how easy it is to destroy one's self esteem and confindence in such a short period of time and yet how difficult it is to find someone that can help you rebuild it. The cost of a good therapist is not even an option in todays economy and for some of us it is impossible to rebuild it by ourselves. I have a large notebook with your ebook and all of your helpful articles that I use on a daily basis. I almost gave up on hope to find someone that was able and willing to help me and than I found you. It just seems like I cannot work fast enough. I have noticed some positive changes, but with so much damage, I am certain it is going to take some serious time and work before I even scratch the surface. I read about your other programs and I know they are probably filled with more inspiring tools, but like I said before, in todays economy that is not an option for me right now. So I remain thankful for what I have instead of complaining of what I have not and the rest I just wing it. I look forward everyday to your emails and how I may be able to apply it to my situation. Well I don't want to take up much more of your time as I know you are extremely busy, plus my situation is not a healthy one of five years so it would take me a lot of time to be able to put into words all that I have been dealing with and who really wants to do that??? However, if you have any suggestions that might be helpful I would be forever thankful. And again, given my situation it was a blessing that I found your site and all that it has to offer. It is not everyday that we get the opportunity to meet people like you, but when we do, it makes the world a better place for each of us. Thank you for the difference you make and the hearts you have touched. Warm regards, Forrgettmenott Dear Rori,

On behalf of all women, I want to say thank you for sharing your painful experiences with us and providing us the tools to help us have the relationships we want. What a wonderful world it would be if it had more people like you in it.
It is sad how easy it is to destroy one’s self esteem and confindence in such a short period of time and yet how difficult it is to find someone that can help you rebuild it. The cost of a good therapist is not even an option in todays economy and for some of us it is impossible to rebuild it by ourselves. I have a large notebook with your ebook and all of your helpful articles that I use on a daily basis. I almost gave up on hope to find someone that was able and willing to help me and than I found you. It just seems like I cannot work fast enough. I have noticed some positive changes, but with so much damage, I am certain it is going to take some serious time and work before I even scratch the surface. I read about your other programs and I know they are probably filled with more inspiring tools, but like I said before, in todays economy that is not an option for me right now. So I remain thankful for what I have instead of complaining of what I have not and the rest I just wing it.
I look forward everyday to your emails and how I may be able to apply it to my situation.
Well I don’t want to take up much more of your time as I know you are extremely busy, plus my situation is not a healthy one of five years so it would take me a lot of time to be able to put into words all that I have been dealing with and who really wants to do that??? However, if you have any suggestions that might be helpful I would be forever thankful.
And again, given my situation it was a blessing that I found your site and all that it has to offer.
It is not everyday that we get the opportunity to meet people like you, but when we do, it makes the world a better place for each of us. Thank you for the difference you make and the hearts you have touched.

Warm regards,
Forrgettmenott

]]> By: Jennifer http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-15643 Jennifer Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:56:43 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-15643 Well, I am a little bit bothered by your response. I haven't been stalking him at all we broke up about 5 months ago. I texted and called him about every day for 1 and 1/2 weeks then I called and texted maybe 3 or 4 times total over the next 5 weeks. Although, not politically correct, I think this is a natural response after 20 + years. Then I sent him a text telling him I needed to work on myself and would contact him when I was ready and for the last three months haven't texted or called or anything in fact, I even started taking a different route to work and to everywhere from my house so that we could both have some space so I could work on my own issues. He lives right around the corner! Periodically during that time, I would see him on a connecting street and if he noticed me he would turn away. Or I would run into him at the local Turkey Hill and I wouldn't go in until he left and if he saw me he would turn away. I even switched grocery stores in order to give us both some space. I hardly call that stalking and now I am trying to reconnect with him. I made one call in the last three months when I was finally ready about 2 weeks ago and you think that is stalking? So how do you reconnect without contact? Are you saying you just don't? Well, I am a little bit bothered by your response. I haven’t been stalking him at all we broke up about 5 months ago. I texted and called him about every day for 1 and 1/2 weeks then I called and texted maybe 3 or 4 times total over the next 5 weeks. Although, not politically correct, I think this is a natural response after 20 + years. Then I sent him a text telling him I needed to work on myself and would contact him when I was ready and for the last three months haven’t texted or called or anything in fact, I even started taking a different route to work and to everywhere from my house so that we could both have some space so I could work on my own issues. He lives right around the corner! Periodically during that time, I would see him on a connecting street and if he noticed me he would turn away. Or I would run into him at the local Turkey Hill and I wouldn’t go in until he left and if he saw me he would turn away. I even switched grocery stores in order to give us both some space. I hardly call that stalking and now I am trying to reconnect with him. I made one call in the last three months when I was finally ready about 2 weeks ago and you think that is stalking? So how do you reconnect without contact? Are you saying you just don’t?

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-15636 Rori Raye Fri, 11 Sep 2009 18:56:19 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-15636 Jennifer...reaching out to him now will only make this worse. Please leave him alone and start dating other men. Calling and texting a man non-stop to try to get him to love you more is just about the worst thing you can do. It's really just like "stalking," and that's exactly the way a man feels it. You cannot overturn that by doing it again. Even one letter would be doing it again. You can only change things by becoming independent and giving up that chasing behavior forever. Love, Rori Jennifer…reaching out to him now will only make this worse. Please leave him alone and start dating other men. Calling and texting a man non-stop to try to get him to love you more is just about the worst thing you can do. It’s really just like “stalking,” and that’s exactly the way a man feels it. You cannot overturn that by doing it again. Even one letter would be doing it again. You can only change things by becoming independent and giving up that chasing behavior forever. Love, Rori

]]> By: Jennifer http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-15635 Jennifer Fri, 11 Sep 2009 18:06:51 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-15635 Jennifer says: Can you help me with a letter to get him to want to try again with me? Right now I can’t even get him to look at me. He won’t take my calls. Though I only called once in the last two weeks and he wasn’t home but his parents were supposed to give him the message. I had given him some space after two months of driving him crazy with texts and calls none of which he responded to. Can’t say I blame him though, I appeared desperate in them in looking back. Every time he sees me he turns away and I really do love him, I am not sure how to reach him though. He broke up with me in April as I said I had been needy, clingy and pushy and worse yet he was suffering from depression at the time. He was acting angry towards me and I said to him if you want me to leave you alone for a couple of days, that’s okay. He told me he would have to think about it and then two days later he broke up with me. Now he is back to work and doing much better now and I really would like to get him back. I know I screwed up but I am not sure how to make him see that my intentions were well meaning. I want him to see that I have changed, I am much more self-confident. Jennifer says:
Can you help me with a letter to get him to want to try again with me? Right now I can’t even get him to look at me. He won’t take my calls. Though I only called once in the last two weeks and he wasn’t home but his parents were supposed to give him the message. I had given him some space after two months of driving him crazy with texts and calls none of which he responded to. Can’t say I blame him though, I appeared desperate in them in looking back. Every time he sees me he turns away and I really do love him, I am not sure how to reach him though. He broke up with me in April as I said I had been needy, clingy and pushy and worse yet he was suffering from depression at the time. He was acting angry towards me and I said to him if you want me to leave you alone for a couple of days, that’s okay. He told me he would have to think about it and then two days later he broke up with me. Now he is back to work and doing much better now and I really would like to get him back. I know I screwed up but I am not sure how to make him see that my intentions were well meaning. I want him to see that I have changed, I am much more self-confident.

]]> By: Jennifer http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-15592 Jennifer Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:32:02 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-15592 Can you help me with a letter to get him to want to try again with me? Right now I can't even get him to look at me. He won't take my calls. Though I only called once in the last two weeks and he wasn't home but his parents were supposed to give him the message. I had given him some space after two months of driving him crazy with texts and calls none of which he responded to. Can't say I blame him though, I appeared desperate in them in looking back. Every time he sees me he turns away and I really do love him, I am not sure how to reach him though. He broke up with me in April as I said I had been needy, clingy and pushy and worse yet he was suffering from depression at the time. He was acting angry towards me and I said to him if you want me to leave you alone for a couple of days, that's okay. He told me he would have to think about it and then two days later he broke up with me. Now he is back to work and doing much better now and I really would like to get him back. I know I screwed up but I am not sure how to make him see that my intentions were well meaning. Can you help me with a letter to get him to want to try again with me? Right now I can’t even get him to look at me. He won’t take my calls. Though I only called once in the last two weeks and he wasn’t home but his parents were supposed to give him the message. I had given him some space after two months of driving him crazy with texts and calls none of which he responded to. Can’t say I blame him though, I appeared desperate in them in looking back. Every time he sees me he turns away and I really do love him, I am not sure how to reach him though. He broke up with me in April as I said I had been needy, clingy and pushy and worse yet he was suffering from depression at the time. He was acting angry towards me and I said to him if you want me to leave you alone for a couple of days, that’s okay. He told me he would have to think about it and then two days later he broke up with me. Now he is back to work and doing much better now and I really would like to get him back. I know I screwed up but I am not sure how to make him see that my intentions were well meaning.

]]> By: Jennifer http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-15567 Jennifer Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:03:38 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-15567 Can you help me with something to want to try again with me? Can you help me with something to want to try again with me?

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/a-helpful-interview/comment-page-1/#comment-15563 Rori Raye Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:51:56 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=552#comment-15563 Jennifer, this is a lovely note - though very, very self-blaming and self-beating up -- you have WAY more great qualities than the ones you describe as 'redeeming." This is okay to send if it makes you feel better about the 'ending" -- but absolutely don't send it if there's a shred of you that hopes he'll read this and want to try again with you. If you can send this out and not expect anything...that's fine. Otherwise, don't send it. Love, Rori Jennifer, this is a lovely note – though very, very self-blaming and self-beating up — you have WAY more great qualities than the ones you describe as ‘redeeming.”
This is okay to send if it makes you feel better about the ‘ending” — but absolutely don’t send it if there’s a shred of you that hopes he’ll read this and want to try again with you. If you can send this out and not expect anything…that’s fine. Otherwise, don’t send it. Love, Rori

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