Eat, Pray, Love You

eat pray loveI saw Eat, Pray, Love two days ago by myself, in a theater 3/4 filled with women only – and from the conversations I overheard around me as we left the theater – I seem to be the only woman who read the book and likes the movie better!

To me, in the book, Elizabeth irritated me so constantly – she seemed literally whiny, small-minded, wrong-focused and narcissistic.   I felt constantly surprised at the kind and nice things she did in the book – because I got a fix on her character in a negative way. (And I know Elizabeth  Gilbert herself is a lovely woman…)

For me – Julia Roberts gave the character a compassionate, lovely nature. Julia as Elizabeth seemed to want the journey so she could start feeling love and be a better woman – the woman she wanted to be, a feeling, compassionate, emotionally connected, open person.

This came across for me viscerally, watching her.  Seeing her go from a self-involved, cranky, closed person when she arrives in India to the lovely, compassionate, open person she becomes by the end of that leg of her trip – I really felt it.

The friends she makes in Italy felt genuine and warm to me…I just plain LIKED Elizabeth in Julia’s hands.  I cared.

And…yes…Javier Bardem can do no wrong.

Everything Elizabeth discovers and goes through can be considered trite and “done before” and “sound bitey” – the friends, the confessions, the floor washing, the elephant…but I was moved.  That stuff is REAL!!!

I could feel it, because if you go to India, or take that inner journey HERE – in your town, your living room, your friends’ homes, your streets and bars and meditation centers and shopping malls – you will experience those things!

It’s not made-up Hollywood movie stuff.  It’s real.

Yes, we didn’t see everything that was in the book, we didn’t see everything that’s real – scenes and moments were selected – but I didn’t care. It was beautiful and affecting and engrossing…and I cared about everyone I was watching.

I WAY liked James Franco and Billy Crudup and Richard Jenkins and Javier Bardem – I could FEEL them. In the book – I only saw them from Elizabeth’s perspective – it was harder to imagine them as fully fleshed, and how those relationships felt.

So – what’s to learn from the movie (even if you hated it because you loved the book and don’t think the movie did the book justice)?

How about this:

Do Nothing.

That’s Number 1 for me. We’re all working so hard, trying so hard, trying to push away our deeper feelings – actually trying to push away love for ourselves and everyone and everything else. Working to survive, instead of to experience and live. Just sit or lay down and do nothing productive.

See how it feels. See if you can experience pleasure in nothing.

Then – how about this:

Forgive yourself.

Forget about forgiving anyone else. Anyone who hurt you or raised you painfully or rejected you or did or is doing a hurtful thing to someone else. Just focus on forgiving you.

And then this one:

Sit down. Smile with your heart.  Smile with your liver.

And…

Everyone you meet on your journey is your teacher…

Circular Dating!!

Try these (and way more in the book and movie) – and let me know if you feel as inspired as I do…

Love, Rori

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572 Comments to “Eat, Pray, Love You”

  1. 1: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori!

    Thank you! I read the book and I’ve been not super motivated to see the movie :) I feel so in sync and excited you wrote about this. Yay!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 12:32pm

  2. 2: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m such a book person. I felt good watching the movie but for some reason couldn’t stop my mind from filling in the parts from the book, especially while she was in India. But hey, how would one film a person meditating for an hour? Queue Julia Roberts’ voice-over while she sits in lotus position. ;-)

    This book felt huge to me though. Learning to love, to just be. Sigh. I’m working hard to release myself from those things that require me to work hard. I feel amused writing that but seriously, I’ve constructed my life to be this thing I had to work at, to give me purpose, to stay busy. A home, a car, bills, all this stuff I have to work hard to keep. And it’s not serving me. I feel stuck. So now I’m changing my ways. Changing the things I value. It feels hard.

    Does anyone else have trouble maintaining friendships? I feel so busy and most of my friends seem busy. It’s hard to see one another and just be with each other. I’m finding that I’m substituting a man into that position just because it would feel easier. I mean if a man is around all the time, then of course I get to see him every day. And that is easier than having to schedule play dates or girls’ nights out WEEKS in advance.

    What do ya’ll think? Anyone feel this way? I have a few girls that I would call my best friends but it’s not the same type of “best friend” I had in high school that I confided everything in. I typically see my best friends every other week. I see my family every week but the people I really share the real me with aren’t around consistently due to our crazy schedules.

    Which is probably why I come here to chat. I feel loser-ish writing this out.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 1:06pm

  3. 3: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you… i feel eased of pain doing nothing, forgiving myself, and smiling with my heart and liver and kidney…

    i’ve been driving back from somewhere, and i was on the phone wiht 19, who still wanted me to come there, and still didnt want to pay for gas

    he thinks i should cover my own gas, since im a grown woman, and that its my responsibility he said

    and its his responsibility to get his car fixed and cover his gas

    i felt bad

    eventually i hung up

    and i cried and roared and cried and roared… it felt like my heart was ripping and i was on the freeway so i made my loud ass animal keens of pain and sobbed and poured out tears

    he called and he heard me and

    he felt bad that i was crying

    he said he didnt understand why im crying

    i said i felt bad like my heart is ripping apart

    and tht i felt hella close to him and now i feel terrible and it feels like its ripping

    at the end he said if it counts for anything i love you

    then i said what?

    cuz i hadnt heard cleary, but i repeated to myself and i realized what he said

    he said never mind

    he wouldnt repeat it

    but i did,

    anyway he said he had to go shower and woud call me i said thank you and bye

    and i cried some more

    i felt so bad!!

    he said he doesnt think hes done anything wrong

    and that ive done nothing wrong either

    i was silent

    he said whatsup

    i said im just feeling bad

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 1:27pm

  4. 4: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i wish Rori would address or readdress what to do here…

    what if you and your man have different ideas about chivalry and dating?

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 1:29pm

  5. 5: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon – Yes I hear you. I deal with the same though I have noticed that where I am now, people, women seem to make more of an effort to get together, whereas before, everyone was just too busy, and the spreadoutness of the city certainly didn’t help.
    So my dear you are not alone in this feeling.
    The closer friendships seem to arise and develop online. Is this a sign of the time? I don’t know.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 1:31pm

  6. 6: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling better after having received support and tapped into the calm energy of the other thread.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 1:46pm

  7. 7: cinNo Gravatar says:

    I loved the movie and I also read the book. Julia was bold and strong enough to leave relationships with men who did love her and who she could have stayed with, but it didn’t feel totally right and the timing was off. I’m struggling to learn how to do that now. This website is often about learning to be a diva, in a good way, and Julia was a great example of how to do that. I agree with Shannon, with work and families and divorces it’s hard to have a best friend or friends that we could see as often and feel as close to as we would like. It’s all so very different now.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 4:41pm

  8. 8: Athol Kay: Married Man Sex LifeNo Gravatar says:

    I think the husband got the better deal to be honest. The husband remarried a Canadian diplomat. Elizabeth maried an old dude, if you see real life pictures of him you’ll crack up.

    Why aren’t women just more honest and say they aren’t interested in their husbands anymore instead of having to spin this “finding myself to be a better person” stuff.

    Assuming that the spouse is a functional adult, the “better person” stays married and learns how to love them.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 4:43pm

  9. 9: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    This is on my list to read…haven’t quite gotten there yet. I actually just posted an article about it a week or so ago because it is EVERYWHERE! I feel like someone is telling me to get to it and get it read! LOL

    Right now I’m reading the autobiography of the Dalai Lama. If you even want to absolutely without a doubt ensure that you NEVER again blame your choices on your childhood…I HIGHLY recommend it! It is heartbreaking and beautiful all at the same time.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 5:04pm

  10. 10: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbcccccccccccccccccccccccccccddddddddddddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffgggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiijjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkklllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmen. yum!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 5:56pm

  11. 11: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,

    Reading this I felt a touch of sadness … a feeling of being moved … nostalgia …

    cuz it came back to me that this is one of the books you recommended to me way back when that I did not read … yet just today I was feeling so appreciative of you because I realized that not only did you turn me on to EFT, you also recommended Debbie Ford’s shadow book to me, and that one I *did* read, and it changed my life :)

    So I’m feeling drippy with nostalgia and love and appreciation for the long journey that you have been a big part of :)

    I have also become a believer in doing nothing, and A Course in Miracles teaches “I need do nothing,” and some of my biggest breakthroughs came out of doing nothing for weeks at a time except meditating, and …

    I’d like to share a conversation that VG and I had last night and today. I’m not interested in anyone’s judgments. It’s still possible that this relationship won’t go the distance, and that’s okay. What I’d like not to experience are pointing fingers of judgments telling me what I’m doing “right” or “wrong” and so forth … I’d like just to let the situation be… and at the same time I feel an intuition to share …

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 7:37pm

  12. 12: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    There’s more to life than increasing its pace. Sometimes there’s nothing more important to do than to pet the cat. I spend a lot of time thinking and praying and feeling, and I think it is the most valuable use of my time.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 7:55pm

  13. 13: IsaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol!

    Hands clapping! I loved this movie as well and have been practicing smiling with my liver ever since. That beautiful Bali Medicine Man is my teacher.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 7:58pm

  14. 14: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s our conversation, beginning with when he texted me last night right after I finished tapping about my fear of committing to one person, and continuing today:

    Him: Kisses.

    Me: Miss ya. Are you awake?

    Him: Yes.

    Me: I feel a little mmm I dunno the word … quivering

    Him: Why?

    Me: I feel so open to you it almost like being naked. Feels vulnerable unfamiliar.

    Him: ….. Destiny

    Him: Kisses love you

    Me: Love you feel your strength

    Him: Love you with all my soul

    Him: Do you want me … So bad

    Him: Can’t sleep without you.

    Me: I don’t want to be apart. I feel your masculinity. I like it.

    Him: :) :)

    Me: It feels very erotic :) I feel v in limbo though. I really really really want to trust :) and I feel a little scared to trust when I don’t hear a plan for us. I don’t want to make assumptions though. It feels good to trust and respect.

    Him: I’m very busy lately making a lot of dough lol!!! [double entendre - inside joke] I’ll text you later

    Me: All right honey. If you are moving things forward, I’m going to trust you and let you lead. If it feels nebulous to me, I’m going back to considering this a precious friendship. I don’t want long distance. It would feel much better to be in your arms every night.

    Him: K I understand :) well said

    ***********

    Okay, I’m off … intuition says REST and DO NOTHING ;)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:23pm

  15. 15: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment of your life with us. That is beautiful and precious.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 8:47pm

  16. 16: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so alone, so left out…..
    Feeling stuck…..

    I’m feeling lonely and aloneeeeeeeeeeeeee
    Vishal was online last night on fb till 1 am but didn’t call me, we talk every night after 11, but last night, it wasn’t the same….. it felt different, like all of a sudden, he’s distant from me……..
    i felt so tempted to contact him, but i didn’t…. i saw on his fb page that a girl pal of him from 2 yrs did comment on his pic sarcastically, and he responded by saying that she cant even say good about him even if she wishes, then the gal asked him, “what’s going on?”, he said, “what do you think?”, she said, “i don’t know, my brain doesn’t works so much.”…

    i feel so alone… damn why he didn’t contact me???? how can be net more important than me??? i feel so tempted to contact my ex, i wanna talk to him, every day i think of him, not a single day has passed without me even thinking of him, i wanna talk to him.. i am feeling alone…..

    i am missing jaiiiiiiiii

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:29pm

  17. 17: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Trying to find a thread I can post on. I feel an assault to my visual senses.

    Today I’ve been feeling very heavy. I have a wonderful friend who is extremely smart who I have known for ten years and I could never leave her as a friend, and I always feel I grow from her intellectually. Porblem is, she has this judgement against men…she flat out said yesterday to me that men are stupid. I was telling her about falling for one of my supervisors last year and all she kept doing was interrogating me about him. (She went to law school). She made the assessment that this guy is awful based on HER similar experience even though she’s never met him or knows the entire story (how could she if I couldn’t even get a word in edgewise). I couldn’t say anything right about him. Her case was sealed air tight against him that he crossed a boundary period. He was wrong in every way. If he helped employees and customers, he had a martyr complex. If he and I bonded at the fact that both of us lost one of our parents, he shared too much personal infromation at work. If he and I bonded at the fact that we both used to be school teachers and studied the same subjects in college, he left teaching too early and has no sense of commitment. If he held this postition for ten years and been with the same company for that time, he only held two positions in his lifetime and stayed with a bad company for too long, yet also he has no respect for authority…WTF! I just stopped talking.

    I couldn’t help but feel frustrated at why such smart women tend to (not all) view men and relationships so harshly sometimes. He asked me once if I was seeing anyone. She said I could sue him for sexual harassment for asking me that at work. I’m like…why would I feel harassed my a hot guy wanting to know if I’m available? Why would I feel harassed when an attractive man showers me with attention and praises. Why would I feel harassed when a sweet person takes care of me and sticks up for me in a work environment and creates a shoulder for myself (and others) to lean on? Why, why why….? I processed earlier and felt better. But I’m feeling rather disheartened again. Thank God this friend lives miles away…but I wished I had not let my gard down and shared this with her. She’s too ‘professional.’ On the other hand, I love her to death. Does not feel good to be invalidated by those you love. It feels disorienting. I love my friend but I am so mad at her.

    Not nice to say, but I sincerely feel like I want to trade her in for a just as smart but much more softer model who I can be open with not only intellectually but emotionally as well. A girl friend who is the entire package would be so nice.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:34pm

  18. 18: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    how can anyone keep me on hold like this…???

    was he waiting for me to approach him? i don’t care even if he did, am not going to do so……

    i don’t want anyone who doesn’t wants me……

    damn i was waiting for him to call me, and he was there out, enjoying online…..

    damn i wanna go out and kill some beast….. damn he had sex with me… and now, so inconsistent…..

    i don’t care, whatever, i am angry, frustrated, left out…….

    i feel mad…….

    i wanna have some other person, immediately……

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:36pm

  19. 19: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    (((Hugs))) Ankita. Are you Circular Dating?

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 9:43pm

  20. 20: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Tonight I feel bad, I feel exhausted. I went to my toxic place tonight, I allowed myself to go there. My not give a damn attitude does not serve me well. This however does not mean I give up on myself and finding love which really is all about just loving myself enough to care. I feel a deep dark place inside me that wants to control, I dont know if I want to control but kinda like skating on my cess pool of frozen angery soup.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:02pm

  21. 21: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    its a game called I will not give you what you want, you cant make me bend to your liking, I will not, I refuse, I will die first yuck!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:03pm

  22. 22: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Looks like everyone went to sleep, hehehe. Ahhhh, now I have the entire place to myself…what shall I do? *Mischieviously looks around* I think I’ll eat the rest of the cookies in the jar, and then a few of the jellybeans…OH! Then turn on the music really loud and choreograph my very own sensual siren dance in nothing but my undergarments! I’m going to have a great time indeed! :)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:06pm

  23. 23: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I will numb out and skate on my angry soup for as long as it takes , takes to what? go to my peaceful happy place. I dont have to speak , I dont have to explain, I dont have to reason, I dont have to physically touch, I dont have to, I just dont effin have too. When I feel safe, I feel more loving, Ive said that all along. Freedom to love, freedom to do nothing but just be still.

    I dont love enough, who can I love, just myself, you cant make me love you or anyone else, I love my mom ok, I love my children, I love my brothers and sisters thats all, no one else.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:07pm

  24. 24: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    hi applejacks :) i got my sweats on , just not feeling the dancing vibe maybe i should just do it and see what happens.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:08pm

  25. 25: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    OK, I love applejacks :)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:10pm

  26. 26: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, looks like i’ve been caught lol! Hi Tina!:) I could always use a dance and cookie partner.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:12pm

  27. 27: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Javier Bardem is hot :)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:15pm

  28. 28: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Tina, don’t know him. But I would love to drink Hugh Jackman’s bathwater (Adrien Brody too). Oh! And I LOVE the dance moves on the girl in this video during hte first few seconds…Enjoy! :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArqshcBwZh8

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:17pm

  29. 29: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I like cookies :) you got any new moves? :) I like cookies and coffee. Im gonnna make some decafe , I had a rough night :(

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:17pm

  30. 30: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    ” I had a rough night ”

    I’m sorry, Tina. Unwind with me. For moves, watch the video I posted and I think you’ll get some ideas. ;)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:20pm

  31. 31: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    hey cool, Ive taken belly dance along time ago :) this would definitely make me in better spirits, just Im on dialup so this could take a while to upload lol.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:24pm

  32. 32: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Tina, I’ve never taken belly dancing. It looks like a lot of fun! I always did self taught Indian dancing, but I sure would love to have a teacher to learn it more in depth. The moves became so much more intricate lately. But I LOVE how they incorporate hip hop and classical Indian dance, and I LOVE the arm and hip movements lol. Always felt good about that part of being Indian. ;)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:27pm

  33. 33: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I forgot to say, I’m sorry I didn’t know you had dial up. :(

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:28pm

  34. 34: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I did learn belly dance, awhile back , I really enjoyed it, I was practicing something or maybe it was the song 7 vails? thats all I remember. I lent out my tape and never got it back, I dotn know why I stopped doing it.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:31pm

  35. 35: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I dont see veils hehe maybe its the wrong dance, but i like the body movements anyway. I remembered those. Apple jacks I really need to get on high speed, yes its a NEED!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:34pm

  36. 36: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I have to share these next two videos, I LOVE the way this particular actress moves.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YWqCnKPstg

    Same actress, same film, LOVE the arm and back movements from 0:17 – 0:19. I am sooooo sorry you have dial up, Tina. I feel compelled to share anyway lol.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:34pm

  37. 37: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Javier Bardem is hot did I say that already?

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:35pm

  38. 38: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    That’s cool that you learned it though, Tina! Never heard of the song though. I think I’ll look it up! Is it Arabian?

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:35pm

  39. 39: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Applejacks hehe thanks, I’ll do my best to get through this first vid. so feminine, the dancing.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:36pm

  40. 40: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @Ankita – you are not alone, your story has stuck with me all this time. I so want you to take the step to Circular Date and feel better!

    Tina – feel better, too, ‘kay? I’d tell you funny stories, but I’ve got to get to bed myself….dancing disco style ball turning above your head!

    Applejacks – a lot of times I move sort of out of synch/tandem with my bestfriend from 9th grade – ummmm that’s like 30 years???!!! and yet we always manage to get on the same page again. I hope you do too…maybe a feeling message, like: “that feels like all guys are hopeless, and I don’t want to feel like that! What do you think?” OR simply present her with a copy of Have the Relationship….for Christmas?!!! Sounds like she is just coming from a very masculine place when she speaks. Hope you don’t have to break up with her! lol….Cosmo has articles on how to do that.

    Night to all sirens,
    Jacqueline

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:37pm

  41. 41: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Aww thanks Jacqueline. I will try to point her in Rori’s direction. I don’t want to break up with her I love her too much. :( I’m just mad at her *hmpf: folds arms and pouts*

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:40pm

  42. 42: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Tina, take your time. It IS feminine isn’t it? When I was a teenager I never really appreciated it. Now I LOVE it. :)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:41pm

  43. 43: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, i think it is. I was practicing this dance or was it the song, Im not sure what exactly. Illl look it up too :) I have a veil :) or I can use one of my scarves hehe its shear.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:47pm

  44. 44: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Tina, I LOVE sheer scarves!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:49pm

  45. 45: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    *Yawn* That’s enough dancing in my undies for one night. Going to go crawl into my bed now. Good night everyone. Thank you for dancing with me, Tina. Sleep well.

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 10:57pm

  46. 46: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    im trying to remember my basic movements, I feel rusty Applejacks :) ouch! lol

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 11:01pm

  47. 47: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    g’night Applejacks :)

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 11:02pm

  48. 48: CathyNo Gravatar says:

    :) Hey Applejacks, thanks so much for posting the You Tube dancing video web address. I absolutely love that video!!! I just watched it two times in a row! And then I saved it to my Favs to show to my Mom tomorrow. She will really appreciate it….for my Mom’s 50th B’day she made a trip to India….and even now at the young age of 73 she still dances all over her living room…for love, spirit and exercise to. Thank you for your gift to me today. Namaste!

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 11:30pm

  49. 49: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    awesome stuff about desire, neediness, and truth:

    “1. The aim is not to quench your thirst. The aim is to develop the perfect thirst, so that you never stop drinking.

    There is a yearning for more, more, more that we often try to fill, in vain, by buying things and taking more action. Although misdirected, this yearning for more comes from a legitimate place in the heart.

    At the same time, when our hearts are uncomfortable, we often just want to get rid of the discomfort. The Sufis say to focus that yearning for more internally, and develop it so that your heart is perpetually drinking in the love. What can you do to develop your heart’s thirst?

    2. Neediness is the doorway to abundance.

    This is a tricky one, and deserves volumes of study. But, put simply, it’s related to the first teaching. If you need more abundance, then you have to make room for your neediness.

    Neediness is the empty cup, the human as a vessel. In our neediness, in our emptiness, is where we truly come to know our capacity to receive.

    3. When we face the Divine we are all children, when we face the world we are all equals.

    A big part of building a business involves networking, and sometimes that involves reaching out to people who intimidate you. There are also the critics and others who have less than flattering opinions about what you are doing.

    The Sufis say that every human being is equal. We face the Divine and we are all just instruments of Source. We face each other as expressions of the Divine on equal footing. No one is above you or below you.

    4. Comparison comes from the devil.

    It is natural and fantastically helpful to learn from other people and their examples. But taking the next step and comparing yourself to someone else has grave consequences.

    Each person is a unique expression of the Divine, with a unique path and history, circumstances, gifts and challenges. To compare your achievements or your struggles with someone else is to do a disservice to the uniqueness of both of you.

    5. Truth without compassion is not truth.

    Sometimes we have the urge to just “tell the truth.” Telling the truth is a wonderful thing, yet you can really hurt someone’s heart by telling them the “truth.”

    The Sufis say that a truth isn’t complete if it isn’t born out of compassion. Often when someone does something less than perfectly, they are doing their best. Including empathy and insight into someone’s intention can go a long way in completing a truth so that the person can hear it in a way that heals and doesn’t hurt.

    6. Everything starts with “No.”

    When you are trying to get a business going, it’s easy to hoover up everything in sight: a million little detailed tasks, every client you can grab, whatever. And of course there is a lot to do. Yet you need to start with “No.”

    The most important phrase in Sufism, “La ilaha illa’llah” means “No! There is nothing but Oneness.” That primordial “No!” is a refutation of illusion, of anything that distracts one from the truth of Oneness. Starting with “No” makes accessing the clarity and directness of Yes much easier.
    Which Lifts You Up?
    Any of the above six perspectives particularly relevant to you right now? Or maybe a different one entirely that you’d care to share?
    The best to you and your business,

    Mark Silver

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 11:44pm

  50. 50: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    awesome stuff about desire, neediness, truth:

    “1. The aim is not to quench your thirst. The aim is to develop the perfect thirst, so that you never stop drinking.

    There is a yearning for more, more, more that we often try to fill, in vain, by buying things and taking more action. Although misdirected, this yearning for more comes from a legitimate place in the heart.

    At the same time, when our hearts are uncomfortable, we often just want to get rid of the discomfort. The Sufis say to focus that yearning for more internally, and develop it so that your heart is perpetually drinking in the love. What can you do to develop your heart’s thirst?

    2. Neediness is the doorway to abundance.

    This is a tricky one, and deserves volumes of study. But, put simply, it’s related to the first teaching. If you need more abundance, then you have to make room for your neediness.

    Neediness is the empty cup, the human as a vessel. In our neediness, in our emptiness, is where we truly come to know our capacity to receive.

    3. When we face the Divine we are all children, when we face the world we are all equals.

    A big part of building a business involves networking, and sometimes that involves reaching out to people who intimidate you. There are also the critics and others who have less than flattering opinions about what you are doing.

    The Sufis say that every human being is equal. We face the Divine and we are all just instruments of Source. We face each other as expressions of the Divine on equal footing. No one is above you or below you.

    4. Comparison comes from the de*vil.

    It is natural and fantastically helpful to learn from other people and their examples. But taking the next step and comparing yourself to someone else has grave consequences.

    Each person is a unique expression of the Divine, with a unique path and history, circumstances, gifts and challenges. To compare your achievements or your struggles with someone else is to do a disservice to the uniqueness of both of you.

    5. Truth without compassion is not truth.

    Sometimes we have the urge to just “tell the truth.” Telling the truth is a wonderful thing, yet you can really hurt someone’s heart by telling them the “truth.”

    The Sufis say that a truth isn’t complete if it isn’t born out of compassion. Often when someone does something less than perfectly, they are doing their best. Including empathy and insight into someone’s intention can go a long way in completing a truth so that the person can hear it in a way that heals and doesn’t hurt.

    6. Everything starts with “No.”

    When you are trying to get a business going, it’s easy to hoover up everything in sight: a million little detailed tasks, every client you can grab, whatever. And of course there is a lot to do. Yet you need to start with “No.”

    The most important phrase in Sufism, “La ilaha illa’llah” means “No! There is nothing but Oneness.” That primordial “No!” is a refutation of illusion, of anything that distracts one from the truth of Oneness. Starting with “No” makes accessing the clarity and directness of Yes much easier.

    Which Lifts You Up?
    Any of the above six perspectives particularly relevant to you right now? Or maybe a different one entirely that you’d care to share?
    The best to you and your business,

    Mark Silver

    Wednesday, 25 August 2010 @ 11:45pm

  51. 51: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    I feel sad reading your post. You are giving too much power to Vishal by falling into the boyfriend trap. Circular dating is the way out.

    BTW, someone hacked my facebook, and I closed my account to stop it. Feel free to email me.

    Apple Jacks,

    Thank you for the beautiful videos!

    Daria,

    Thank you for this beautiful quote!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 12:01am

  52. 52: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I get all nervous around Bill. Then my mind freezes and I stumble on my words. I feel embarrassed, and then he gets uncomfortable and wants to end the conversation.

    I’m doing much better, but I still have moments. Just don’t mention it, right? I feel frustrated that he doesn’t ask me out.

    I also feel frustrated that all these men have been petering out. I sent Balto a nice reply last night after his decent email, but he didn’t write back. Green Guy in NJ never got back to me. Their loss. But man there is just no follow through sometimes early in a relationship.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 12:30am

  53. 53: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to see this movie. I think it is one that I want to see alone and absorb it. I got a feeling I will identify with it and smile, probably after crying.

    I read the conversation that Erika shared with us. How well put. I wish talking and communicating like that came natural to me. I resonate with it…. waiting for someone to lead, otherwise it will just be considered a friendship, nothing more.

    I know someone that works so hard at pushing away love and other good things. They are so focused on their loss, sadness and disappointments instead of experiencing the “new” day and fullness of the present. They just sit down and do nothing productive. (literally) ! …..

    It might be good for a woman to do the experienceing and living thing, but a passive man doing it… it groce unappealing and absolutely a turn off!

    Linda

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 4:52am

  54. 54: JuliaNo Gravatar says:

    Awesome. Thanks Rori. Letting it happen and staying open. Whew! A lot of work doing nothing but that- more than spinning my wheels I think. I will stay focused on breathing and accepting today :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 5:15am

  55. 55: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    AJ, Brenda, Jacqueline

    Thanks for your all support… I have not been properly able to do what you call a proper CD… But I have been using every interaction i have with guys to develop something more…. In my class, there’s a guy who tries to find excuses to talk to me, and those are silly, but I enjoy them, and moreover he did even step up in my bus just to ask me “if i think” the college office will be open by now???

    Wow… I loved that…. And so even I started talking to him a bit more…….

    But now I think I gotta have someone too…..

    And I freaked out in the morning, mom insisted me to call him once and just once, i obliged, then he didn’t picked up and called me back to tell me what happened last night and how he got stuck in some problem, and also apologized to my mom (mistaking her as me)…

    What I am concerned about is, I feel like I’m trying to control him, that’s yucky….. I feel like stalking him on fb, checking his page always…. I feel bad… I feel like a stalker and controller………

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 5:52am

  56. 56: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    I was looking for you in fb… I was wondering where did you disappear…..

    Your id is mistyfall@earthlink.net naa???? :)

    AJ,
    Did you get my mails???? i did mail you… :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 5:55am

  57. 57: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Mom was asking me question, i couldn’t answer it, so asked you all back, plz feel free to give me your take on it….

    Suppose if a guy is in a long term relationship with a woman, and his ex appears out of nowhere, and then the guy falls out of love with the woman with whom he was for so long just due to arrival of his ex, then in that case, what should the woman do to get him back to her and to leave his ex?????

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 6:00am

  58. 58: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita, #53 – Yes

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 7:31am

  59. 59: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita, RE: #52 – Following him on facebook is jumping off your bridge to YOUR happy ever after.

    If you were dating 3, 4, or 5 men, your vibe would naturally shift. You would find your world doesn’t rise or fall on Vishal. You would feel desired and pursued, and any man who would be able to call you his forever would be very lucky!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 7:35am

  60. 60: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    From Rori’s newsletter. I love this explanation of circular dating…

    THE APPROACH: EVERYTHING IS AN OPPORTUNITY

    The other critical change I made when
    I decided to make dating an adventure of
    self-discovery was this – I expanded my view of
    dating to be much bigger than the actual date.

    Here’s what I mean: “dating” shouldn’t be
    just about meeting up with a guy for coffee,
    dinner, or whatever. This is what makes dating
    a chore and a far too-narrow vehicle for finding
    the man of your dreams.

    Instead, view dating as every second of your
    life. Every day is filled with hundreds of
    possibilities for you to interact with men – and
    you should. From the minute you step out your
    door in the morning, life is giving you
    opportunities for meeting Mr. Right, and it might
    not be in the way you expect.

    He could be getting off the bus when you’re
    getting on. He could be picking up his dry
    cleaning at the same time as you. Or he might be
    stopping at your office to meet a colleague.

    But here’s what’s even more hopeful and
    inspiring: you might not even notice him when
    he’s noticing you. That’s why it’s extremely
    important to view dating as a 24/7 activity and
    be your best self at all times. It means you
    smile and you’re nice even to the guys you aren’t
    interested in, because you don’t know if the man
    who IS going to send your heart aflutter is
    watching you interact with this other man and
    will be completely captivated by you.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:08am

  61. 61: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita, No I did not get your emails. What address are you using?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:09am

  62. 62: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Ummm…I noticed the second video didn’t post in number 36. I said love the arm movements from 0:17 – 0:19 and it did not post….I’ll try again later when I’m able to return. Sorry about that everyone.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:11am

  63. 63: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Daria,

    that was an awesome post! I mentioned it before but wth I’ll mention it again I happen to be a Sufi. :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:23am

  64. 64: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    You’re welcome Cathy. :) Sorry I did not see your post earlier.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:15am

  65. 65: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    I was waiting for Vishal to call at our usual time, and he didn’t, worse his cell is off, I msged this to him on fb,

    “Dear Vishal,

    It would feel a lot more better to me if you could just let me know by what time you are gonna call me, coz waiting for a long time for you to call me, and then calling on your number just to find it off, disappoints me a lot…. What do you think, what should we do?”…

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:42am

  66. 66: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    ankita, this is a great lean back time. it’s a little after the fact now but it’s still not too late to start leaning back.
    damn facebook. i fall into the constant page checking too.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 12:17pm

  67. 67: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    this could also be a really good time for the fall to you knees tool whenever you’re feeling obsessive with feelings on broken record status.

    or the let go tool from rori’s e letter last week

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 12:20pm

  68. 68: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita, it might feel better to NOT have a regularly scheduled time for him to call. This way you’re not waiting. He only gets the privilege of talking to you when he calls and you answer. In my mind, a call is a just date on the phone. I don’t want to wait around for a man. I start to feel anxious when I wait and wait and wait. I’d much rather do something else so that I feel happy when I do talk to a man.

    Right now I’m sensing the anxiety and frustration in your words.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 12:25pm

  69. 69: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, I feel for ya, babe! It’s hard to just wait around wondering. I sometimes feel that way too: between trusting and walk away.

    You need both….walk away in the sense of ‘letting go.’ No expectations.

    I hate waiting around. Women are not wired for that kind of “job” because it drives them nuts in no time. :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 12:35pm

  70. 70: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if Katarina meant Ankita and not Erika?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 12:41pm

  71. 71: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Was commenting on Erika’s first post. Haven’t read Ankita’s. Will do.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:04pm

  72. 72: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita #57, respect yourself and leave. Let him process the feelings. If you are supposed to be together you will. Nothing you can do to make him want you other than showing him that you have dignity and won’t settle or let any man take you for granted.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:10pm

  73. 73: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    oh haha, i hadn’t read erika’s.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:11pm

  74. 74: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Now I see my #69 applies to Ankita’s situation as well. Or anyone who feels uncertain and anxy waiting for a man to step up…

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:13pm

  75. 75: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Does anyone else here take it personally or feel needlessly rejected when a man in a professional setting takes it upon himself to mention his wife to you? It always makes me feel like I am being proactively rejected when I am friendly and sweet to these men. Today when it happened, I admit I was attracted to the guy, but I never said or did anything except talk about work stuff and be my kind self

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:22pm

  76. 76: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i’m not even friendly…i’m just…pleasant

    grr. i kind of think it’s THEM. like, he is attracted to me and sees me as a receptive person, so he feels compelled to make her be known because he is a good husband. awww. that feels nice to think about.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:25pm

  77. 77: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    nice turnaround dorothea…:)
    xxoo

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:27pm

  78. 78: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, it happens.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:28pm

  79. 79: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel triggered, I’m not sure why :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:32pm

  80. 80: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly, pay attention to how you feel, its a start.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:44pm

  81. 81: lovely ladyNo Gravatar says:

    A response to Ankita, hi!
    I reccomend you read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, especially the part about men being like rubber bands. The theory is the man is going through a cycle between intimacy and independance, he cant be constantly loving and close without losing himself so he has to get away for a while but just accept it and wait he will come back when he is ready to be loving and close again! I know you get scared because you think he it might be about another woman or that he is leaving you. Stop and think he may need to be apart from you to find himself and reflect on what he shares with you and long for you and return to you! I am so comforted by this concept and I hope it helps. Funny but I think sometimes I also need to get some temporary distance in order to maintain my sense of self and independance too.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:48pm

  82. 82: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    80: knocksoftly

    I can help. Do you have any examples of what you’ve done in the past? I can tell you which responses would land better from a male perspective and fit a leaning back strategy.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:50pm

  83. 83: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, RE: 75 – I hate that when a man makes a point to mention his wife! I just want to kick ‘em! I am capable of being friendly just for the sake of being friendly. So many immature men think just because I am single I am out to jump every man’s bones! Yuck!

    Once I was at the beach, and I saw a man who looked like a highly respected leader I knew. I studied him and just could not be sure if it was him. Finally I approached him, with his wife sitting next to him, and asked, “Are you Firstname Lastname?”

    He just looked at me while his wife said angrily, “Duh! What the hell do you think you’re doing?? Can’t you see I’m sitting right here???”

    Talk about triggers! They automatically assumed I was trying to flirt with him! Flirting was the furthest thing from my mind! I was naive and had no idea why she was angry until I talked it over with my friend. I just told her I thought he was someone I knew.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 1:55pm

  84. 84: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly,

    I’m still learning too. What I understand is that the most open, non-forward-leaning communication is feeling messages in the now:

    I feel so happy to hear your voice!

    I feel so relaxed snuggling on the sofa with my dog.

    I feel so happy after just winning the lottery!

    I feel content laying in bed reading a good book!

    How do you feel about those?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 2:00pm

  85. 85: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly,

    We are having a party on ____day, and it would feel so good to share the celebration with you and your son! What do you think?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 2:01pm

  86. 86: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Knock: How would you feel having him there? Don’t consider the “nice” thing to say. This is about what’s in your heart. Then say that.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 2:10pm

  87. 87: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, its just me but, I would feel weird too depending on how I am feeling at the time. I would feel triggered by serious abandonment issues of some sort, dunno. My Nasty Voice reminding me that intimacy is not something that is attainable for me, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE IT, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE WHAT THEY HAVE TINA. intangible . I will never abandon myself, give’s my little girl a hug.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 2:14pm

  88. 88: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank him for reminding you that you are lovable :) I mean not directly to him lol. I am loveable, I love me, I love my triggers weeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 2:16pm

  89. 89: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    85: knocksoftly

    > Ok-earlier in the week told my ex that my daughter would love to have him and his
    > son at her birthday. Told him no pressure-just think about it. LEANING FORWARD.
    >
    > He just text and asked what we were doing for her birthday. I text back..Not sure
    > yet. That feels closed off to me and I feel kind closed to him at the moment.

    Are you trying to win your ex back? I don’t have a complete context here, but I’ll take a stab at it and assume that you are. Any feedback now might be wrong so just let me know.

    First off, this is a birthday invitation, not a flirtation or an invitation to go on a date. You are reporting that your daughter wants to see him, not you. So energetically this is leaning forward in a veiled manner. You are not being honest about your intentions behind this invitation. (Again, I’m assuming you want to get back together with him. And I’m certainly not going to criticize you for using the birthday party as an excuse to see him. That’s actually a rather smart strategy.) Nevertheless, in a call/response dynamic I would define making the call as leaning forward and responding to the call as leaning back. Or as masculine energy and feminine energy respectively. The feminine strategy is to do most of the responding and the masculine strategy is to do most of the calling.

    Now what happened was since you initiated with masculine energy, he responded rather passively using feminine energy. (We all have and use both, of course.) Since you didn’t have a plan in place for him it fell flat. I’m guessing he’s not willing or motivated to be there so he might need to be led. Again, you’d have to lean forward to get him there and make sure all his concerns were taken care of.

    Now, a more feminine way to handle this would be to ask your daughter if she wants to invite him and tell her it’s OK with you. If she genuinely wants him there and she is willing to make the overtures, then it’s a legitimate request coming from her. There’s nothing wrong with that. That allows you to fully lean back and just be at the party and see what he does while you’re together.

    Just my opinion. Tell me if I’m incorrect.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 2:20pm

  90. 90: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: I would take it as a compliment that a man had to announce he had a wife. Probably means something in him was stirred to remember he was married. ;-) Maybe it’s a more tactful way to say “hey, I’m married”. In a way it shows that my heart was open with him if he felt the need to say something.

    I can understand the trigger though. Like “hey, I wasn’t even targeting you buddy”.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 2:23pm

  91. 91: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    I like that way of looking at it! I just get triggered cuz I’ve been alone most of my life. So I get sick of men being so attuned to the fact that a single woman is in the room. But from now on I’ll choose to look at it that I got their manly attention! LOL! Feels better that way!

    My big thing is I like to be treated like a person with a spirit, heart, and mind. I don’t want to be treated like an object, as just having a body.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 2:51pm

  92. 92: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    I think I went overboard in 93. :-)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:10pm

  93. 93: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, love the quote — 49/50! I don’t fully understand it all, but there’s definitely something there that resonates with me. Thanks!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:14pm

  94. 94: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    Thanks for posting the Sufi article. Much of it really resonated with me… This part in particular…

    6. Everything starts with “No.”

    ahhhh, I am loving my ability to say no to what doesn’t feel good. I start to feel bad if I dwell on why I am saying no but if I just say no and then turn around and say yes to what I want, no feels really great.

    I say no to feeling bad, I say not to conversations that don’t feel good!

    I say yes to life and love and fun interactions with people who love me. I say a resounding, happy yes to all of that!!!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:17pm

  95. 95: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I loved reading about AJ and Tina’s dance party. Made me laugh.

    I like to laugh

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:40pm

  96. 96: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: I saw your post on the other thread and I do feel interested in continuing our discussion. Thanks for asking.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:43pm

  97. 97: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oooooo, love this part too

    4. Comparison comes from the de*vil.

    It is natural and fantastically helpful to learn from other people and their examples. But taking the next step and comparing yourself to someone else has grave consequences.

    Each person is a unique expression of the Divine, with a unique path and history, circumstances, gifts and challenges. To compare your achievements or your struggles with someone else is to do a disservice to the uniqueness of both of you.

    5. Truth without compassion is not truth.

    Sometimes we have the urge to just “tell the truth.” Telling the truth is a wonderful thing, yet you can really hurt someone’s heart by telling them the “truth.”

    The Sufis say that a truth isn’t complete if it isn’t born out of compassion. Often when someone does something less than perfectly, they are doing their best. Including empathy and insight into someone’s intention can go a long way in completing a truth so that the person can hear it in a way that heals and doesn’t hurt.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:47pm

  98. 98: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    If anyone gets that April Beyer interview and wants to loan it to me, I’d love to hear it. Thanks.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:50pm

  99. 99: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “4. Comparison comes from the de*vil.”

    Yeah, I read that right after I said I felt jealous of Jilly’s date and said it was better than mine.

    That came from the de*vil.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:52pm

  100. 100: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: I feel understanding of what you wrote about grilfriends. It does feel hard for me too to find a time that we can just be together. Sometimes it feels easier to come here because no matter what time it is I can catch up on what is going on and express myself. Also I feel a resonance with you all because of our common interest in Rori’s tools. I like it. I feel thankful for siren island.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:53pm

  101. 101: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Awww Lucy. Well you learned something from
    it. That probably feels good huh?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:55pm

  102. 102: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the empathy, LG. :)

    I don’t understand the part of the quote about Neediness. Can anyone explain/elaborate?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 3:59pm

  103. 103: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m here, being feminine, just being. Trusting. Banishing fear and judgment and silly little stories …. You are hereby banished by decree of the queen of this house!

    And if he wants me, he can come get me.

    If he wants to email or text or call, he can do that.

    I will respond.

    But if he doesn’t, I will continue to be just fine.

    Loving myself by icing my banged-up leg.

    Feeding myself scrumptious grape tomatoes.

    Resting in the peace and quiet of my home.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 4:08pm

  104. 104: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I loved quote number 5 too. I am a Sufi and from 17 all the way through my 20s I was in intense spiritual training and no other concept was more grilled into us than the truth WITHOUT compassion is NOT truth. People have a tendancy to be all about “truth” or “honesty at any cost.” Not Sufis. Every little thought and intention has to go through the personal griller. Are you telling the ‘truth’ just to stick it to the other person? Or is it to be right? Because as a Sufi, it’s not important to be ‘right’ either. It’s all for the greater good and everything you do has to be done with humility and humbleness maintained.

    This lesson was more ingrained to me because I personally used to have a problem of being too honest. I am better now, but I still have to check myself on that. It’s not easy being Sufi, lol. But I wouldn’t shake these teachings for anything either.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 5:08pm

  105. 105: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I can elaborate on the neediness quote…give me some time though and I’ll come back to it, yeah? Thanks. :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 5:09pm

  106. 106: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooh ouch I’m in touch with deeeeeep sadness.

    LG, it’s great to hear from ya. This morning I posted a blog on my site about triggers and part of why I have mixed feelings about ‘walk away’ … I feel too tired right now to rewrite it here .. If you feel like checking out the article I’d love to hear your impressions … I shared both my personal experiences and about someone I’m working with …

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 5:49pm

  107. 107: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes,

    when I read your post, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Then I realized I might be making assumptions, so I’d like to ask you directly: is your post referring to me and my contributions here or something unrelated?

    Either way, thank you for the trigger. When I applied HBR to the sick feeling, I accessed several old memories that I’ll share about when I get home …

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 5:53pm

  108. 108: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    So many mirrors on here today for me …

    Is it really that he has one foot in and one foot out … ?

    Or is the truth that it’s me. It’s ALWAYS me. I’m not going to give my power away.

    I’m the one who is scared. I’m the one who is indecisive. I’m the one who knows full well what side issues are not yet resolved for me that I would postpone commitment. I’m the one who knows full well that an actual live in person relationship is going to bring emotional stuff to the surface that feels uncomfortable and intense … I’m the one who needs to be ready for that.

    As soon as I’m ready, the guy will show up on the doorstep … it’s not his fault. It’s NEVER his fault.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 6:23pm

  109. 109: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason – I don’t think u went overboard. I really like what you say and how u say it

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 6:32pm

  110. 110: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am so not ready

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 6:36pm

  111. 111: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, Daria …

    And lol lol, double lol, that as soon as I posted #113, he texted me again …

    They can FEEL us through the ethers .. that’s why they do what they do … that’s why the only solution is heal ourselves and take full responsibility for everything that is happening …

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 6:46pm

  112. 112: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    oops … it’s A solution, lol, not the ONLY solution … for me it’s the only solution …

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 7:10pm

  113. 113: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    I’m losing my mind.
    My money friend’s fiancee gave me a gift for my birthday.
    Its a rolex.
    I don’t know what to do with it.
    I feel a little freaked out.
    I love it.
    Its white gold with swarski chrystals and saphires.
    I didnt think it could be real.
    I am freaking out.
    She says I should have it appraised so I can have it insured.\
    I am freaking out

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 7:10pm

  114. 114: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    ok, I am calming down
    It’s a damned good imitation…but not real. Not cheap by any means but not real…
    This is an interesting trigger.
    Why would a fantastic present like that freak me out?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 7:32pm

  115. 115: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Happy birthday Jennifer!

    If I was in your situation, I would maybe feel weird about the gift because I felt unworthy or because the gift doesn’t resonate with me because I’m not really in to rolexes.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:23pm

  116. 116: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika – yeah so many people are calling me constantly its fun everyday

    i am just excited cuz this guy i met taught me so much about energy and keeping it maintenanced and not falling into habit

    anyway it was cool

    but then he didnt pay

    and i know its me because i am delivering it in a way that is triggering — to me. so i bet its triggering him.

    i feel so embarassed

    i have no game

    but anyway

    i am going to try to find a way to communicate that i want a guy to pay that feels good

    (how am i going to do that?)

    um.. im just gonna continue to do the do

    like hey

    bye

    shrug

    i dont know how to communicate

    i am going to communicate with myself

    i am communicating with myself with Genius Symbol rocks today

    it is very cool

    and it uses a lot of emotional energy

    stepping into a nother place

    a sanctuary

    from the symbols game

    you know what i feel frustrated about with EFT

    i feel like i always get stuck 2 sud levels above 0

    I feel really angry about taht

    GRRR

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:45pm

  117. 117: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm… tho i just did a round on That. and i feel pretty good right now

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:50pm

  118. 118: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I give my fears to my higher self. My higher self is like a sister. She is ok to give my lil fears to.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:55pm

  119. 119: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer !

    Yay!
    I once was given a Cartier like that….a friend found it but it looked too feminine for him. Not real but an impressive imitation……evidently there’s a costume market for these watches…..it’s a nice look without the stress :) the older ladies at a jewelry store told me it was maybe 2-300$ but not 2500$ and up…. It was good to me.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:57pm

  120. 120: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer – probably cuz you like nice stuff like Rolexes.

    that would be awesome.

    I would also be super thrilled. I havent received that much amazing gifts like taht in my life . But I guess it seems I would like to huh? YES please. IT feels very scary BTW.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:57pm

  121. 121: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    As soon As I read it , I thought I BET NIKITA HAS!!!!!

    HEHE!!! we know the pimpin goddess

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:58pm

  122. 122: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    damn, this sexual tension with VG feels so intense …

    Daria, yeah, that can be frustrating … if it doesn’t go to zero, there’s something else there to clear, just a matter of finding it … and sometimes people are *shocked* at what the “something else” turns out to be …

    Glad you are feeling better. I feel exhausted from a week’s worth of intense energy clearing not to mention my “masculine energy” job, which I have decided is in its last days … I’m feeling confident enough to do this coaching full time.

    I’m going to rest …

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 8:59pm

  123. 123: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Erika, I read your blog post and I feel resonance with much of it. It really makes sense to me.

    There is one aspect that you didn’t directly address that feels particularly relevant to me and that is that one doesn’t have to directly interact with the people or person that they feel triggered by in order to heal the trigger.

    I imagine that when someone is working with you, you don’t have them call their parents, and their childhood teachers, and all of the people they’ve been triggered by and expect them to heal the trigger by rehashing the same old story with those folks.

    So, it is my understanding that healing the belief systems that are behind the triggers is what is important and then our relationships will naturally follow.

    I feel curious to hear your thoughts on this.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:02pm

  124. 124: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh. I guess well not. ok. it would feel awesome to receive HUGE amazing gifts like that. I have tears in my eyes.

    I want all of us to receive huge amazing gifts that feel good and we are able to manage like steering the capitana shipp in the dark storm of the ocean,

    chasing the mermaid

    why is the dark stormy goddess moved to chase a mermaid in the ocean wides

    she has angered the goddess

    shall the ocean move

    the two battling forces collide, for the mermaid seeks

    shelter in the arms of her brother

    olokun
    master of the depths

    the mermaid is safe for now

    the ocean tops still froth in growl in

    let the nightmare be over

    and beautiful yemaya

    play with the dolphins again

    with sunlight and pink flowers on her blue skin

    yemaya stands the test of time

    and compassion wipes away rage

    like clouds off the blue sky

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:05pm

  125. 125: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika – I am so excited to hear that your job is in its last days! I am so for that

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:07pm

  126. 126: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddes — (hello I have worked with Erika before) that is exactly what Erika teaches about that. yup. couldnt have said it better.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:09pm

  127. 127: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    God is saying quit. God is saying very clearly quit. It’s time.

    Logic says that’s crazy.

    I listen to God.

    LG, it’s a good question and I’d love to talk further, the answer is yes and no, and I’m too weary right now to explain … I’ll check in again when I’m feeling rested …

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:14pm

  128. 128: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dude I quit my last job like thats it. Im gonna have my own business anyway. Sigh. But now I realize I’m having fun anyways.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:19pm

  129. 129: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I listen to the girl that stomps her heel on the ground under my skirt and runs off. Im a gypsy girl

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:20pm

  130. 130: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling reeeeely jittery and bouncy. oh yeah. ok more playing with energy. i love energy.

    ohhh i ATTRACTED this “energy man”

    get it?

    cuz im on that level now

    yesss!!! i feel teary eyerd omg i feel overwhelemed and voer the top over excited over over over

    ugh

    its not safe ot be over

    u look like a fool

    and ur mom slaps u

    or me

    my mom slaps me

    ok

    i love me

    come on baby

    its ok

    kids are way smaller than adults so thers no way to kcik their ass

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:29pm

  131. 131: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    If u have nothing to do and feel disconnected, alone and terrified in the universe afraid ur gonna lose the signal on your rocket ship YOURSELF!!!!

    well then!!!

    come on the blog!!

    and write F*ckn R=WIRTH WRITE WRITE

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:30pm

  132. 132: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hello my Darlings!!! OMGosh….I’ve got a most controversial interview from a very controversial guy – not Jason, lol…gonna publish on my BLOG….liveyourdreamblog.com….first big interview, ladies and gents! Feels good, but yeah, a lot of work…so I haven’t been here to check in all day….ugh!

    BUT he says ummmmmm….circular dating could just be like PUA from a woman with a beard…..

    that’s gonna cause mayhem huh? So…..no triggers cuz it’s gonna be toooo COOL when I post it – IF you all have the man parts….haha….to read it with an open mind.

    I don’t agree with all he says but I really, really like the way he says it….
    anybody game? Will you all come visit?

    Post tomorrow, I’m thinking….

    what do you ALL think???

    xoxo,
    Jacqueline

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:31pm

  133. 133: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol Jaqueline – you are very captivating. I want to be captivating too. So I will virtually “hang around” you now. I’m in.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:33pm

  134. 134: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel guilty for taking up blog space and drowning out other bloggers when people try to scroll down my blogs without reading. I feel sick . I love me

    love me. Daria loves me. She loves reading me and thats reason enough to write on the blog that never runs out of the toilet paper sized window to write in.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:35pm

  135. 135: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    well u know what I DID Get out of Evan’s book? Is that where i got it from> ? yes i think so.

    Is to appreciate guys more. No I got that from Jason. with the thing he said to lucy about “he offers the picture – you respond with your feelings”

    so i commented on this guys picture that was iming me this morning… because i coincidentally clicked on someones bday… it turned out to be him… his picture was FREAKIN CUTE… so I said… oh i didnt know it was your birthday, happy birthday

    which is all i wanted to say

    and now hes signed back on to the im thingy

    so yeah

    coincidence

    sorta

    but also cuz i really was excited cuz someones name said “happy birthday to myself” and i was hecka curious who that was and it turned out to be him

    and i think i sound like a bimbo right now and that means im doing it on purpose cuz its just a habit of anxiety talking

    i feel terrified

    i love me

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:38pm

  136. 136: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i love DARIA WHATEVER YALL SAY. I AM DARIA’s BIG SISTER AND I LOVE HER. I AM SO BIG THAT DARIA IS LIKE 2 AND IM 20

    yeah, nad I got her back

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:39pm

  137. 137: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok i got out of Evan’s book that men like to chase, so that to set it up so they dont get a chance to like me IMing this guy right now is emasculating them

    so i wont do that

    also i got out of it that guys like a woman thats open and kind and supportive

    kinda likea big soft pillow they fall into with their dicks first

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:40pm

  138. 138: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hey I realize that “blogging with yall” i am going to pick up on yall voices and will now have NEW voices in my head that i can use at will. Like my own siren voices in my head to cheer me or to use as a persona.

    Like hey, what would Simply Shannon Do?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:42pm

  139. 139: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel surprised and embarassed that i cant stop writing.

    I feel like I should apologize for myself, and think that is medieveal and groveling and stupid. And i love myself and all my cool judgements. I am so cool. and os imaginative and creative. people at google are looking for people like me right now. they want me.

    I have magnetic give me money vibes and i know how to feel good about it – a part of my being does

    and guess whaaaat???

    that part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now.

    it is now doing so.

    my mind body spirit and throat and head and thinking source are receiving the information

    information transfer is now complete

    .

    zirkon

    . i am an alien.

    i have reprogrammed myself to be a robot

    BZZ

    BZZZ

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:46pm

  140. 140: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    There are greater sins than spamming a relationship blog at 10 pm on Thor’s Day.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:47pm

  141. 141: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    today is Thor’s day. I smile at Thor. Practice.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:48pm

  142. 142: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel overcome with Love.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:48pm

  143. 143: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am posting comments too quickly, slow down. I give myself persmission to smoke the ganja. thank you God.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:49pm

  144. 144: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    lol, it’s the Daria show ….

    I’m having high sexual tension sparring with VG

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:49pm

  145. 145: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I do believe i am sacred and deservign and worthy. I dont want to be silenced and I want to be loved. yes thank you. I feel like I am sitting with you God before your altar, and you are caring ly listening to me and bweing there for Me. I feel thank you gratitude and supported.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:50pm

  146. 146: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ericka – Is that what we call “resting” now? lol…

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:51pm

  147. 147: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    and yeah Jacqueline, I didn’t want to say it before because …

    TRIGGERS … Lol :)

    But when I meet a so-called “player,” I think, “ah, a circular dater, just like me … that means he’s likely to be just as attractive and powerful as I am.” LMAO :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:51pm

  148. 148: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel triggered, I dont feel open kind or supportive blah!

    Daria, I got my mom’s back hehe. someone said something about my mom and I feel furious, my family is important to me damnit! I feel angry, I dont know if I can stop my anger, Im sooooooooo pissed, I feel vengeful.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:51pm

  149. 149: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tina – oh boy ! about my mom?? choke slam.

    tho my mom and my cousin did get into it and i toook my cousins side. ithink my mom was in the wrong, My mom freakin helicopter slapped me she felt so betrayed that i took my cousins side but yeah

    i know my cousin

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:55pm

  150. 150: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    UGH! My sinuses were killing me so I took an allergy pill that I had in the cabinet and didn’t realize that it was the equivalent to Benadryl! I thought it was claritin. Knocked me out and I am still tired. Gotta get up early tomorrow, goota be somewhere.

    I spoke to my friend again, the masculine energy one. I am applying to return to school, a second undergrad and was hoping to do well enough to get into the Columbia MFA program. I want to also study political science and creative writing. Bless my friend. She was asking if I had a set plan, to be careful going back to school later in life especially with student loans and all that such.

    I feel frustrated because I am not able to articulate myself to her.

    I feel scared she will pounce on me for that.

    I feel second guessed. I don’t like that. I love my feeling

    I feel tired of using logic for every little thing.

    I feel cared for by my friend.

    I feel smothered by my friend.

    I feel mad at my friend for treating me like I’m a child who can’t navigate her own way.

    I feel love for my friend.

    I feel frantic on the outside yet firm as a tempurpedic mattress on the inside.

    I feel confident that I am making the right decision for myself regardless of people’s judgements and perceptions.

    I feel good. I love my friend and I love my feelings.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:55pm

  151. 151: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes give it up for the players – i think “GREAT SEX”

    yes!!!

    but I keep getting the “virgins” instead… ufff

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:56pm

  152. 152: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    The Sufi article is from Marc Silver, a guy who uses these principles to grow business…

    Heart Based business

    I learned about it by signing up to Match. com – per Rori recommending that, foudn this, etc

    All his other materials have AMAZING insights like this, but

    overall i cannot “follow” his programs

    I just dip in and read something here and there

    and I felt WOW touched by this to the depths of my pond

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 9:58pm

  153. 153: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori recommended us expanding lives,did i say match. com?/

    I meant MEETUP.com

    totally diff.

    yes. so im poking around there and i signed up for one heart based business

    a lady was teaching seminars on this stuff

    i had some great experiences opening my heart

    i really like some marc silver stuff

    like tuning into YOUR HEART
    before making a business call

    and then their heart

    and allowing htem into your heart

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:00pm

  154. 154: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll send my mother after him, hehe, and all those dudes out there who *think they can fk with me! I feel so tired and burned, drained, mentally, there is no room for love blah!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:01pm

  155. 155: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay knocksoftly ! noticing i feel something “a lot” feels amazing and scary too!

    like WHOA you mean im spending all thist time feeling this and havent even been realizing it?

    like seriously this whole time? where was I?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:02pm

  156. 156: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    you guys, YOU are tired and IM the one smoking ganja, Im healing my beliefs about Ganja,

    rasta man had such great energy

    omg tears are squeezing out

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:02pm

  157. 157: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like my head is drowning in a pool of fluid. D*a*m*n Benadryl.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:03pm

  158. 158: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Daria you literally had me laughing out loud…NOT just a lol…..toilet paper that never runs out?????? There are greater sins than spamming Happy Thor’s day……OMGGGGGGGGGGG….I mean Oh MY THORRRRRRRR…..best laugh I’ve had all day!

    @ Erika, yeah, I think you’ll like some of what he says….

    but yall are my core audience ya know, and hey, it’s gonna be a shocker….grin…..

    I did ask Jason to respectfully of women post as well, tho in an equal opportunity way….

    Oh, and check my reply to your post – I shamelessly promote you!!! Grin….

    So, okay, if yall’ve got my back….up it’s going….

    Night you all dolls…..

    J

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:03pm

  159. 159: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    writing is an art.

    we are artists.

    i am expressing myself.

    this is enough.

    even nothing is enough.

    anything is enough.

    i am enough.

    always.

    even when other people tell me im not enough.

    i am enough.

    aha.

    i get it.

    they are just tryna say something else.

    like that they are feeling scared or weird or uncomfortable or angry.

    yeah.

    yeah

    i feel electrified, icky and scary, tight in the tummy and totally U{PTRUNED TOPSY TURVY

    this is what you call it in EFT when your SUDS LEVEL GOES UP

    instead of down

    this is a good sign tho,

    cuz it means energy is stirring

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:05pm

  160. 160: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Im checking out a new song for me to sing “Ballad of Lucy Jordon” :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:09pm

  161. 161: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My tummy hurts

    now what do i do?

    nothing?

    i dont want my tummy to hurt

    I am going into – CEASE PAIN – mode

    ouch

    UGH

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:10pm

  162. 162: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh

    all i had to do is step 1 of the Sufi article

    and reconnect my thrist INward

    its like a car vacuum cleaner with the slurpy tentacle looking thing

    just connect to my inner fireball in the center of my being

    and kabeing

    my thirst if filled by golden light

    now and forever

    like diamond

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:12pm

  163. 163: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Oh nice Daria, now MY tummy’s hurting lol. Ouwee…must go to sleep…Don’t wanna sleep…wanna feal floaty…

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:12pm

  164. 164: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tina = im gonna check that song out.

    Bill collectors call my house every 5 min now but I have my phoen on silent. HAHA. SUKERS!

    lol

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:13pm

  165. 165: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Knocksoftly…thank you….I was thinking about you today. And energy vamps are the WORST, esp. if you EVER thought you loved ‘em, they can just tap right in!!!

    You know if even one voice is missing – it feels like someone’s missing here. Not “home,” and it’s funny how thoughts of different individuals here just pop into my head at times during the day….

    Shoutout…LG!!! Dorothea!!! Melb(a) Lynne – miss you, Lynnestarr……Lucy, Brenda, SS, T, M, The pajama party girls – hey Ankita, better today??? AJ, – ugh about your friend!!! & Tina, and just EVERY one of you all!

    BTW, Jennifer, what an AMAZING watch you have – I once bought a Guicci knock off in NYC and wore it for like 5 years with people thinking it was real…YOU make it real, girlfriend…got a coach bag, same thing, well this year I think is it’s final summer….not a single compliment…so! only means onto another one…..there’s ALWAYS another one, just like endless toilet paper blog, yes!!!!!

    Sweetest dreaming…..
    Jacqueline

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:16pm

  166. 166: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I choose to be able to tap until i feel good.

    i also choose to be trustworthy

    and trust myself

    i had a habit of second guessing myself. and i dont want that anymore. thanks.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:17pm

  167. 167: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thats what REALLY INSPIRED ME about 19 man.

    I asked him. Hey if i gave you something to do, like that you knew for sure would work, and you had to do it everyday… would you be disciplined enough to do it?

    he said yeah.

    ive never met anyone like that. he trusts himself. he meant it. i could tell. he worked on that stuff he was talking about.

    i feel so excited. i feel inspired to trust myself too.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:19pm

  168. 168: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    I love night breezes. Feels like soft airy bristles running along through my cheeks and hair. Mmmmmm….sweet delectability. :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:20pm

  169. 169: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Jacqueline. She is a major UGH.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:22pm

  170. 170: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Sleepy, sleepy, good night sweet sirens.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:23pm

  171. 171: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Its a magic toilet. What if toilets and bathrooms were BEAUTIFUL. What if this toilet had glossy white tiles, with pink reddish roses painted as a trim.

    And a sparkly mirror. And a window with fresh air.

    and Flowers! even on the side of the sink. in a crystal clear vase, with swirl striped ridges in the glass like twists of dorian columns

    and the toilet paper was beautiful

    amazing

    papyrus rubbed to a feathery softness

    and colored cream like business paper

    thick like double sheets

    and theres a small heron bird pattern, every foot

    and when you pick it up

    you tap into another woirld,

    where goddess words swirl on the paper

    and voices drown out the reality

    and soon you were asleep

    but now you are awake
    again

    under the tree

    and teh papyrus plants blow in the breeze

    on Siren island

    (and you can still flush and go – your toilet comes with you and your all alone there)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:27pm

  172. 172: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Bill collectors = guilt

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:28pm

  173. 173: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Until I have a ring on my finger, I am still fair game …

    Intuition says VG is about to have a worthy rival.

    Let the games begin :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:29pm

  174. 174: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel guilty of spending money

    EFF U Money brokers

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:30pm

  175. 175: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    dude thats what im trying to get away from, seeing it as a

    YOU vs. ME game with my man.

    I keep yelling out I win.

    I yelled out I Win that I didnt sleep with him – when I felt heartbroken that he didnt pay.

    F U

    FUER

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:31pm

  176. 176: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I forgot to tap on guilt.

    I can trust myself to do that right now.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:32pm

  177. 177: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    you cant ever go wrong with starting tapping on guilt

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:34pm

  178. 178: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmmm, hello slumber party sirens!

    Jennifer: I feel worried that I may have come across differently than I intended about the watch. I was just saying that I would maybe feel weird for two possible reason. 1. Cuz I maybe wouldn’t think I was worthy of such a nice gift or 2. Cuz the gift isn’t something that I’m in to. Like for me, I’d be super stoked to receive a gemstone bracelet but a rolex, real or not, not so much just because I’m not really in to watches. Actually if it was a real one, I would maybe be stoked cuz I could sell it and buy myself a gemmy bracelet or something else I’m in to.

    Anyways, I feel weird that maybe I didn’t communicate that very well. :-)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:37pm

  179. 179: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    knocksoftly – yeah girl i was paranoid earlier thinking the ghosts were gonna get me . I am scared of ghosts – its my biggest fear.

    but i did realize i formed it at 2 with my caretaker lady had me convinced there was a spirit on the roof of our apartment building taht would get me if i wasnt good

    today i got even more how that affected my belief that i will be gotten by bad spirits if im not with peopel and that i dont feel safe if im not with people

    and horror movies scare the ISh out of me

    to like uncontrollable handshaking when i was a kid.

    and yeah im excited that I have now started to feel calm
    ….

    I was hanging out with 19, who is a real sovereign rasta

    so he told me not to complain, when i started saying, oh man the weed made me sleepy

    and hes like youre bringing my energy down then, and i dont like it when ppl talk bad about the gnaja

    cuz you know its sacred to him

    it was pretty awesome to realize i dont have to blame stuff on a plant

    he said when he feels sleepy tired from it (insert paranoid here)

    he uses it to practice – fighting/he does martial arts — and pretend he’s tired from his opponent having made him dizzy
    and go twirce as hard then in practice

    actually im gonna shadowbox it off right nwo

    ok.

    soi bascially using every moment.

    like allowing there to be the feeling.

    and using itfor ME

    i really liked that MAN

    yum

    i feel so glad to have soaked up these lessons

    I am a Goddess and Blessing on the whole Bay Area

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:39pm

  180. 180: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    The mornin’ sun touched lightly on the eyes of Lucy Jordan
    In her white suburban bedroom, in a white suburban town
    As she lay there ‘neath the covers, dreaming of a thousand lovers
    ‘Til the world turned to orange and the room went spinnin’ round

    At the age of 37, she realised she’d never ride through Paris
    In a sports car, with the warm wind in her hair
    And she let the phone keep ringin’ as she sat there softly singin’
    Pretty nursery rhymes she’d memorised in her daddy’s easy chair

    Her husband, he was off to work, and the kids were off to school
    And there were oh so many ways for her to spend her day
    She could clean the house for hours, or rearrange the flowers
    Or run naked down the shady street screaming all the way

    At the age of 37, she realised she’d never ride through Paris
    In a sports car, with the warm wind in her hair
    And she let that phone keep ringin’ as she sat there softly singin’
    Pretty nursery rhymes she’d memorised in her daddy’s easy chair

    The evening sun touched gently on the eyes of Lucy Jordan
    On the rooftop where she’d climbed when all the laughter grew too loud
    And she bowed and curtseyed to the man, who reached and offered her his hand
    And led her down to the long white car that waited past the crowd

    At the age of 37, she knew she’d found forever as they rode along through Paris
    With the warm wind in her hair

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:40pm

  181. 181: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: you are making me laugh!

    “kinda likea big soft pillow they fall into with their dicks first”

    hahahaha!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:41pm

  182. 182: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly – I write like this and wander with myself even when i dont smoke

    it is my exploration of story myth and deep blue night with gold stars

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:42pm

  183. 183: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh no Tina dammit stop that.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:43pm

  184. 184: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aaah my heart is breakin awwwhhhhaa

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:43pm

  185. 185: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhhh

    i cant take ittttttttt

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:44pm

  186. 186: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    AJ: sorry you’re not feeling so good. May your sleep be peaceful and rejuvenating!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:44pm

  187. 187: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh God it hurst so much.

    omg

    omg
    omg
    omg
    omg

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:44pm

  188. 188: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Im going to fck with and challenge mother nature :) respectfully of course :)

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:46pm

  189. 189: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, your stoned lol

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:47pm

  190. 190: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg

    my mom

    i feel so sad

    oh god

    it hurts

    beyond the extremes

    of what i could feel is hurting

    it hurts

    to my right shoulder

    and back

    to the tmiddle

    of me

    mommy

    i lov eyou

    so much

    i would kill for u

    i swear

    omgggggggggg

    it HURTS SO MUCH

    it HURST SO MUCH

    ohhhhhhhhhhhh

    owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
    owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    AHH

    its like a vampire scream but for pain

    GOD

    it hurt

    i am back in a different headspace.

    shoudl i go back there again?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:47pm

  191. 191: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tina – lol so what.

    No seriously, um, songs have a REALLY strong effect on me. I burst out crying almost all the time.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:48pm

  192. 192: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I just took some “herbal nerve” so yeah hehe

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:48pm

  193. 193: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: I Feel intrigued by your description of 19.

    Why is your heart breaking? The song?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:49pm

  194. 194: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Applejacks is on bendryl oh oh

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:49pm

  195. 195: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmmm

    i feel really relieved.

    I have so much heartbreak to release!@

    I feel so good that I can feel heartbreak! NOW!

    before I didnt know what the hell i was feeling and it was terrifiying dn just like being Hellen Keller

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:49pm

  196. 196: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    you guys cannot use the “shes stoned” excuse on me, because I have been stoned everyday for the past 3 months

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:51pm

  197. 197: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel embarrassed! I feel confused by the song. So did she ride through Paris or not? WTF?!?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:52pm

  198. 198: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tina – when I said dont do that, I meant, I Feel triggered by the lyrics to extreme sadness thinking about my mom who was/is depressed. xcept she sounded better now that shes in romania

    and i want her to be happy Enough to throw my soul over the edge of the grand canyon for it

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:52pm

  199. 199: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    except throwing my soul over the grand canyon is not the thing to do, I now choose to readjust to taking a leap of faith

    hey i guess they ARE the same thing

    I dont want to throw myself to death

    I want to Superhero Save my mom

    I want to feel good

    Life is so hard!

    I just wnat to feel good!

    ok god?

    I dont wnat to go thru the meat grinder for sausages just to get money ICK!!

    i dont want people to get beaten and abussed

    EFF

    sigh

    so sad, apathetic

    I want to ‘change the world’

    hello CLICHE ICK BLAGH BLAH

    ugh i feel so …

    teenagerish

    i guess i came up with this feelig when i was a teenager

    and have been feeling it habitually ever since

    i lvoe myu powerlessness, boredom, jadedness, disappointement, feeling of stuckness, did i mentinon disappoinment?

    huge disappointment at

    THAT THING

    right?

    yes

    i love u
    ..

    yes

    yes
    yes

    i love you.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 10:56pm

  200. 200: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “A lot of people think that flirting makes them look silly. They feel their face beginning to blush, their upper lip shake and their knees tremble. Well, flirting isn’t about being sleek. It’s about being sincere and flirty. Its actually charming if you look a little nervous. Practice makes perfect and flirty.”

    Eris Huemer – Rori Interviewed her

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:00pm

  201. 201: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess, She lives happily ever after :)

    Jumping off canyons would feel scary to me eek!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:05pm

  202. 202: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Love this, Erika…There is only me….Love, Rori

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:05pm

  203. 203: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    or she went screaming down the shady street screaming all the way. alllllll the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:09pm

  204. 204: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: “Life is so hard!”

    I feel resistance to that belief. I don’t wanna believe that.

    It feels so much better to believe life is easy. I’m a money magnet. Fun times flow to me easily and effortlessly. I am a goddess who glides through life on the wings of grace with a smile on my face and the wind blowing through my hair. I am made with the energies of the mountains, the rivers, the ocean, the stars. I radiate the beauty of the most exquisite flower.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:09pm

  205. 205: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am balanced and healthy on the inside. and i am willing to explore balance

    and my resistance to it

    i feel curious

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:13pm

  206. 206: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    forces of nature are not balanced.

    i am not balanced.

    i am full force

    and this full force is feeling really healthy and integreated into the layer of air that is touching my body

    and my soft skin

    and my amazing amazing body that i have been blessed with a like a goddess out the movie scene or a book

    and i am here

    and i am living

    and i am AMAZING

    and i am at home being amazing

    and chiling

    doing my favorite thing

    writing at teh computer

    i am amazing

    and inspiring

    and calm

    and admirable

    for the discipline i have

    to sit at the computer

    and writ

    e

    like bitten by the tze tze fly

    of writing

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:15pm

  207. 207: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Tina: so, the way I’m interpreting the song is, when she finally stops pining for what she doesn’t have and grabs the hand of the man right in front of her, then she gets to realize her dream of riding through Paris.

    I’m feeling curious if that’s how you understood it or if you got something different out of it.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:16pm

  208. 208: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the stories i tell myself are so beautiful

    i would ike to tell myself a story of feeling good when i was earlier feeling bad

    once there was a log

    the log got splashed with mud

    and the mud made the log cold and wet

    and mushy

    he was shivering

    and uncomfortable

    and he felt icky and gross

    and he is a he

    but she is a she in the he

    and then

    the sun came out

    and the mud dried

    and the log felt great

    he felt great with dried mud on him

    and he sprouted

    and slowly he absorbed the mud
    and

    the nutrients from it

    helped him grow

    and extra pair of flower leaves

    on his left side

    and he felt better than he had before

    and he even wondered

    if he mihgt not start to enjooy wet mud too

    if it was getting usedtoable

    like chocolate kake like

    .

    self growth is like chocolate cake thought the log

    happily

    and he went to bed

    and wen he woke up

    rabbit was there with something to smoke on

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:19pm

  209. 209: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmm, I feel attracted to Daria And her full force.

    Yum

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:19pm

  210. 210: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I “have to” move the car in the driveway…

    i don’t want to perform this task.

    ok – THIS is the time to get curious Daria!!! get curious about your apathy! yes!!! you’ve noticed youre feeling apathetic… this is great!!! now you can heal this!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:20pm

  211. 211: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    once a story is written it is written. it is having its affec.t.

    like that means we are telling every story with each wrod.

    this world is woven out of story

    just like every other world out htere

    ohhhh i love you magic story and life

    wow

    i feel teary eyed

    we are heere reading what we are writing

    i write magic and of fresh heartspace

    the dark castle

    but you know

    on the heroes quest

    one pause

    to smell the fresh air

    of woods

    and

    barbeque

    and hear the voices in the night and the crickets

    and catch the eye restuing on

    the colors of the

    sky

    and the houses roofs

    and the tree and grass

    adn u know the heart fills

    with that fresh and alive feeling

    and i want that now

    at the computer

    to feel the same

    and even better

    even if i dont think its really possible

    thats ok

    i want to go for it anyway

    this is amind trick

    and im taking the leap of faith

    and i love my mind

    and my trickiness
    i

    so

    admire trickiness

    and am humbled to find it in myself

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:25pm

  212. 212: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooo, I like the idea of feeling bad then feeling good.

    I’m the awe-inspiring fig tree. The one laden with sweet fruit. The one that people come to for nourishment. Once I was a teeny sapling. They fertilizer my with manure. Stinky, sh!tty, rich, nourishing cow manure. For years tears fell from the sky. The tears and manure fed me, fed my roots so I could grow into the tree I am today.

    Haha! I feel silly.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:25pm

  213. 213: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i “get” humbleness now! it feels amazingly wholesome and good!!! just for an instant. babysteps

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:26pm

  214. 214: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yes… magic gold coin valluable poop to feed the tree, and the tree feeds us.

    yum says mother. i eat you eat we all eat and birth adn die and birth and die like neckbones in soup

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:27pm

  215. 215: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    bobbling up and down

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:28pm

  216. 216: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    oh I have to get through DArias posts :) first oh yes yes

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:30pm

  217. 217: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    A story is a story is a story

    might as well be one that feels good

    unless suffering is my chosen path for the moment

    in which case I with suffer with the fury of a tornado, rage like the perfect storm, and cry the tears of 40 generations

    and when I am done I return to the center

    The center of peace, bliss, and knowledge

    on my rightful throne I radiate the golden goddess

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:32pm

  218. 218: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    searching for MORE More inspiration. turn the vacuum inweard.

    i would like to continue my Genius Symbols game

    naturally

    from here

    thank u
    .

    and the end.

    i feel BLOCKED. ACK!!! BLOCK!!! ACK!! my face is tight.

    so many triggers every second

    I DO NOT WANT TO END THIS COMMENT

    the anxiety is overwhelming

    I am moving the energy

    let my neck open

    i feel so strange’

    let my ehad open

    iot was squeezing

    its squeezing out my eyes too

    waht if i dont want to havea acolumn of energy connecting me

    liek im impaed

    impaled

    i want my head energy to go out around all the sides

    i want to feel really AWARE

    like the people in that LLosa book the Storyteller

    and like Avater

    i choose to be JUST LIKE AN AVATAR RIGHT NOW

    i guess i got all hyphy cuz i didnt really believe it would happen and thought i had to put emphasis on it

    i just feel so squeezed!!!

    i love all this resistances

    moving major energy

    THATS whats going on

    how about some more tapping??

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:32pm

  219. 219: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    ooh I dont like the feeling of “having to” what is it? waht is it?

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:32pm

  220. 220: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    knocksoftly –

    it goes like this.

    I feel really angry/furious with you. and i dont want to feel like this. I dont want to talk to you right now.

    then hang up (you can listen to what they have to say and talk also, and hang up later or whatever)

    it might sound wimpy on paper – but if you do it, you will have stood up for yourself in a feminine way – and moved away…

    only necessary to move away if I feel bad, I want make sure I’ve asked him what he thinks and LISTENED and checked how I feel about That -_

    but hey. yeah then I feel so much glee of having taken care of myself. and its not “gloaty” glee like yeah ive one upped him, but more like

    wow i feel really calm and soft and yet good and like attractive

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:36pm

  221. 221: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess, yes, cry the tears of forty generations oh my god! yes thats it haha.bbl

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:45pm

  222. 222: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    ok now i feel bad, cause thats just waaaaay to many tears. is that possible? to cry that many tears,

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:47pm

  223. 223: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tight in my chest, I feel um not sad, hm what what what? its a story thats all just a long sad story is it happening now oh fck yeah, jumping off cliffs is not a good idea, forget that, scratch that out. ok im just crazy hehe. nawwwwwwwwwwww your not, do something, write something shit! o k ok i will ugh!

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:49pm

  224. 224: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    oh right my chest hurts cause i cried for a long time , i forgot lol im ok now , yes im ok

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:51pm

  225. 225: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    tina. my right chest had hurt too.

    its heartache

    im just starting to learn what it feels like

    it spreads over in the chest, not just in one small area

    hearenergy is spread out

    heartache feels like that sad feeling that aches and is hot in the chest, kinda spread out for me

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:54pm

  226. 226: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    vampire scream seems to ease my hurting chest. You have no idea, hehe.

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:58pm

  227. 227: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i moved teh car

    it was scary

    this constant fear of ghosts and attackers when im alone is exhausting

    i want to practice martial arts to beat up any rapists

    Thursday, 26 August 2010 @ 11:58pm

  228. 228: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Tina is shining some light on some pretty dark places :) I feel relief oh shit eggshell man is online

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:00am

  229. 229: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yah more like vampire wail.

    the generations of romanian women before me

    wail heart pain i hear you

    in the beautiful forest

    give me my forest and my nightingale dream

    i miss it

    like the coocoo bird.

    im not hungry im not thirsty, im feeling dor/desire missing the green wood

    its a romanian song

    slurp right in my subconscious

    i want to sit in energizing postures

    my heart i will open it now

    it feels achy or is that my lungs

    squeezing my throat and into my back and up tears out of my eyes

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:01am

  230. 230: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am doing important work right now.

    like tony robbins and any other motivational speaker

    what im doing now is meaningful and important

    and balanced

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:01am

  231. 231: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    downward dog really helps me let go and feel the feelings, wow i feel much better, it really was the posture.

    ohhh i feel so sad for myself , i feel so much fear, i love me feeling fear , it feels overwhelming, so much fear

    and hopeless ness

    even if i died in a past life

    and i live a hard life in my dreams

    i love me and want to offer me support

    you go girl

    you do hard work

    you go hard

    youve done a damn good job with yourself

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:06am

  232. 232: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i forgive myself everytime i think im not good enough, for a man

    for anyone

    i forgive myself

    i am going to be the one on my side

    haha

    even if i sound defensive

    even if i feel swaying and ill from the intensity

    i am INTENSE

    i ALWAYS TAKE IT TO THE LIMIT

    this is what they say about me!

    what does that mean??

    INTENSE

    passion?

    fire?

    overthetop?

    strong

    powerful?

    forceful

    is a storm feminine

    am i receptive being a raging storm?

    is that attractive a la evan katz?

    raging storm attractive a la rori no?

    raging storm attractive to ME right now

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:08am

  233. 233: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    raging storms feels oh so defying

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:26am

  234. 234: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you for being here for me blog.

    thank you for being here voice that resonates in my head with these words.

    i am feeling kind of icky

    and i am going to love myself through it

    i deserve love

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:30am

  235. 235: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what daria does is shameful

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:33am

  236. 236: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lets talk about that.

    inner me: yeah!!! excitement

    i dont liek feeling shameful

    i want to feel “cool” and even that is shameful

    i like feeling good

    and approved of

    lets approve of daria

    and talk about sometimes when people said what she did was shameful

    and heal some of those wounds

    yeah

    queasy.

    When i feel unbalanced i feel queasy

    i dont like feeling queasy more than anything

    i feel MISERABLE and like throwing up

    i really really DONT LIKE feeling like throwing up

    ugh

    dude

    why i act like i eat poison mushrooms and all im doing is Thiking.. and diving into my mind and feelings

    Energy mind

    i want to feel Strong and healthy in my stomach

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:35am

  237. 237: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel strong and healthy in my stomach

    what if i felt that?
    what if it was safe to feel that

    waht if it was safe to feel what i feel

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:36am

  238. 238: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    am i playing chess with myself right now?

    a magic tiny floating brown twig just floated past me

    i feel like im alice in wonderland.

    more love from me

    more more

    i feel queasy with love freom me?

    ohh??

    i feel rejected…?

    ohhh

    i feel confused

    i dont know what to do to please the goddess

    yess i do

    im a lesbian with myself

    DONT SAY THAT

    keep sex secret

    hmmm
    no need to

    its secret anyway

    yuk

    yum

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:38am

  239. 239: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    u know, it is perfectly ok to sit here and talk to myself.

    i do consider this having a life

    and a good one at that

    i dont think im mentally unstable

    tho i realized today i have ADD

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:39am

  240. 240: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am such a cool person to hang out with. i could talk to myself all day. and i shall do so. here . where other people can come talk to me. if they want to. i am on the block

    in siren island

    posted up

    chillin

    drinkin hennessy privilege

    smokin a blunt

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:40am

  241. 241: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    actually im not drinkin henessy privilege.

    i did have one big ass corona earlier tho

    with that boy. yum. he called me tonite too tho.

    but im scared to have him come over, cuz i dont want to get robbed… and im home alone…

    and hes from nearby so hed know how to get here.

    AND i dont know him at all, but i know hes got lots of freinds that get in trouble

    so i feel afraid now, i want to tone it donw, i want someone to hold it down with me, but i am holding down the whole castle by myself

    every man im with takes me closer and closer to God

    now thats sexy

    and true

    skin so smooth

    radiant in the sun

    like the angel apollo

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:43am

  242. 242: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Gabriel

    or michael

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:43am

  243. 243: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its definitely the Daria show tonite baby

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:44am

  244. 244: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i used to have a best friend and id talk to her, but now you guys Are my best friend

    right on for that too

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:44am

  245. 245: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    me and my best friend used to talk about EVerything together.

    just like blog sisters.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:45am

  246. 246: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you God for giving me more female friends. Smiles.

    yay.

    i actually have PLENTY of female friends. I ahve a never ending supply here!

    wow!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:46am

  247. 247: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    life is like blog.

    once upon a time i lived.

    and then
    i blogged

    THE T-SHIRT $20

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:47am

  248. 248: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am psycho.

    no youre not.

    yes you are.

    no youre not.

    yes you are

    no youre not.

    you are gay

    ok

    i am actually straight

    yeah

    ok

    i am

    so embarassed

    of eveerything

    comeing out of my virtual mouth right now

    i feel like im on real world
    really drunk

    and you guys have to wait for me
    after the club

    sorry guys!

    i didnt mean to run off like that and throw up in the bushes

    Blah

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:48am

  249. 249: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i read my comment, and it sounds like such a strange voice, and its me. and i cant come to grips with it. i cant come to grips that this is me, that i sound like some white reporter in his 30′s that is a dude… and that flakes of stuff are still flying around in front of me . dude is the cia on me or who.? the aliens?now its goint ot he window.

    omgosh

    i feel so paraonoid right now

    i feel scared a monster is going to come get me

    how am i ever gonna live by myself?

    ok daria you are tripping

    be yourself

    happy

    you are you

    you have no friends
    you are driving these internet people crazy

    they are going to complain about you

    ___ how did these NVS get in my head… this is the real Daria speaking. I feel like Slim shady

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:51am

  250. 250: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    is it ok to keep writing? i wish i were really talking to someone right now! I am not going to call on a amn. I AM GOING TO BE NEEDY HERE. I am actually getting off on the idea that you guys hate me and are suffering by my spamming you — probably a defense.

    i am apologizing for triggering you in advance

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:53am

  251. 251: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this is my life!

    this is the real me!!

    i am suffering

    I NEED VALIDATION

    i am feeling in pain

    i cant give myself enough validation

    i am starving for water

    i want to direct my thrist inside

    slurp

    i fixed my girflfriends toilet

    i am a real man

    i go

    i am opening

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:54am

  252. 252: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am just opening every moment

    eff** it

    if you guys want to kcik me out, kick me out

    for being myself

    out loud
    24 7

    i would cik u out

    like SHH the F** UCK UP

    damn

    i cant stop talking

    tak bout needy

    and i actually think this is attractive

    still

    i cant stop talking

    and clowning

    and i dissed myself

    not a good move

    i am going

    to

    just practice

    here

    i am brave

    to talk out loud

    heyyy!!!!!

    thisis like my freestyle rap

    yadai

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:56am

  253. 253: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i think im in my head…
    hmm

    how do i feel?

    i feel

    tingly in my cheeks

    closed in on my heart

    sore in my shoulders

    warm on my ankles

    tight and tense in my triangle

    **

    i am disconnecting

    from the discomfort

    fo talking about

    my intimate parts

    **

    i am now chocking

    I am a very shy girl

    **

    i am incredibly uncomfortable

    with a man

    to talk aout that stuff in person

    kinda like i feel right nwo

    ***

    hehe

    ***

    i am still me

    **

    i just feel all chocked up ok

    **

    and yes im making errors lik etyping

    he said im error prone

    ew
    ick

    i am tho
    and i feel sexy

    about it

    i like i dont give a ff

    i kick my shoes off my sexy feelt cuz im error prone

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:59am

  254. 254: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    DARIA!!! APOLOGIZE TO THE PEOPLE!!

    I AM SO SORRY

    FOR EFFIN UP YOUR STUFF

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:01am

  255. 255: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thius is not gonna stop.

    i hope youre gonna realize.

    i am gonna say… i wouldnt be surprised if i wnet to post 1000

    that would be inappropriate huh

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:03am

  256. 256: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what am i gonna doooo!!! theyer gonna want me to stop posting and this is all i have. i am on my knees. well not really. i am just saying that cuz i had a vision fo me on my knees.

    i am gonna actaully get o n my knees and see what happens

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:04am

  257. 257: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    am i overusing the blgo now? is this like a monastery? can i stay as long as i want to>

    i feel scared. of posting somewhere else like where no one reads it doesnt feel the same as this.
    here maybe someone will see me.

    in the universe.

    please dont kick me out! people!

    my mom kicked me out once

    it felt hecka scary

    is that why im scared now?

    i feel confused.

    even if you guys think im ioverdoing it, this is how i feel, in my head everyday.

    please help me stop it.

    i feel so lonely and ashamed ot be talking to msyelf!!

    oh god please help me stop it = vision of thorwing self on knees and crygn – ok overdramatic now!!

    how did all these pictures get in my head???

    i am just running mental energy

    what is my intent?
    healing

    i am militaristic

    i am warrior

    disciplined

    fighter

    i freakin challenged my man to spar with me and i was good!

    lol

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:08am

  258. 258: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i realize i am not triggered by practice

    ohter stuff yeah, but practice no

    exercise yeah,

    but practice T-tapp?

    not really

    practice stretching?

    omgsoh

    i find myself naturally practicings stuff

    this is great!

    i found an amazing tool!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:21am

  259. 259: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i wish you guys were here. talking to me. i must not be very attractive. you probably think you wouldnt get a word in edgewise. but you would.

    i feel sad and tingly in the back of my neck in a sad way

    i miss my mommy kitten

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:22am

  260. 260: MojganNo Gravatar says:

    Dear Rori ,
    Thank you very much for your great advices i am a surgeon actually very busy with my career and reading your advices were somehow a highlight in my life ,
    I have ordered your Siren and DVD series but i have not received any confirmation e-mail for sending them or if i can download them so impatiently i am waiting for your reply my dear Rori about how to get them as soon as possible,
    THANK YOU ,
    Mojgan

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:00am

  261. 261: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I was on the phone talking with eggshell man, his last words to me, “you are the most hateful person I ever met”

    I thought/feel like I was keeping my boundries, expressing my feelings even rageful ones oh well. ok never mind keeping my boundries, he stepped all over my boundries, hell never mind. blah going to bed.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:51am

  262. 262: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    ok, I’m here.
    Thanks for the support guys.
    Daria..I was scrolling posts cause I gotta pack and do a million thing and some thing in one of your rifts kinda jumped at me.
    I know it’s just a rift but I feel I need to comment.
    You said you don’t got game? Something like that?
    Maybe it was just a fleeting thing but I feel stunned!!!!!!
    Who’s got MORE game than Daria!?!?!?!?
    Freakin nobody I know!!!!!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:53am

  263. 263: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    OH GAWD Tina!!!
    I feel soooo hateful towards that man!
    I feel like throwing elbows all over him. I feel like dropping him on his ass!
    He is SOOOOOOO not worthy of your attention!
    I feel triggered cause he reminds me of B. B used to freak if I stood up for myself.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:55am

  264. 264: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    I woke up this morning thinking.
    I keep thinking.
    I am the type of woman who gets expensive gifts based on the content of my soul.
    NOT MY BEHAVIOUR
    NOT HOW MUCH WORK IM DOING
    I’m THAT woman.
    I’m a woman with an 18k white gold watch.
    That was a gift.
    Cause I’m me.
    FCK ME
    What just happened?
    I was allllll nervous to go to money friend’s engagement party.
    I thougth every one else was gonna be high class and I would be like trailer park.
    But now I’m like…….her sister’s don’t show up to help her and get her back, they’re all sleeping with each other’s husbands, they’re nasty, and mean…they have money but they’re like Jerry Springer.
    I’m WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY higher class than that bunch of circus clowns.
    I’m the woman that the fiancee said “I got her sister’s louis Vitton purses and they never show up I figured I could do better for you cause you’re her very good friend who shows up for her.”
    I’m high class all they way baby

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 4:01am

  265. 265: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    OHHHHHHHHHHHH
    BAD
    I was just reading that post.
    Now i feel like I’m all braging.
    Now I feel embarassed.
    Shit.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 4:02am

  266. 266: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    He messaged me offline and said he was going out of town today, I feel angry, resentful, this is what i said

    I feel resentment angry hearing that, I feel pissed that your going on a trip after what happened last night. I said, I feel bad hearing that , he said why, I said i dont know, i just do, I am not taking care of myself, this i know. you can feel good, i dont blame you, I wish i could say this another way, but i cant, your right, you should go, but that doesnt mean im going to sit home feeling bad about myself or the agruement, Im going to go out have fun dance sing karaoke and just be, he got angry blah, fck it, so now he says he MIGHT not go, I said I feel controlling, if I say dont go, I dont want to feel controlling about where you go or what you do, but I do know this, i will do what I please to make me feel good, I will take care of myself. he got angry blah. he said you know what happens at bars ? I said well, im going to sing that makes me happy, Im going to dance, that makes me happy. he got angry blah. whatever. im too tired now, i probibly wont go, but man I feel like putting on my black sundress and singing, I feel controlling, i did didnt I? oh crap i feel bad, I dont like feeling insecure and out of control, or controlling.

    I love my feelings of control out of control insecure, edgy, bitchy, feelings :)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 4:03am

  267. 267: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    My moms got my back, I love my mom, god love her :)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 4:04am

  268. 268: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, I bought this stuff that makes the toilet bowl smell like apples or something, fruity, its probibly some toxic chemicals that wil burn my butt cheeks lol.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 4:07am

  269. 269: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    why smile with my liver? I dont get that, I feel overtired and dumby

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 4:14am

  270. 270: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer, hi and good morning, drop kick with feeling messages, is OUR new style :)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 4:29am

  271. 271: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer, he keeps trying, I dunno. I feel good though I can stand my ground, tolerate nothing, I feel doubt now saying that, jeeze, ok tolerate nothing, tolerate nothing, tolerate nothing. mental fighting feels useless to me. I dont like it, I dont like fighting in my head with my words with a man. do I have to drive it home? all the time?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 4:38am

  272. 272: RosalindNo Gravatar says:

    This book recently found its way into my hands and I read long bits of it , just somehow never got finished , and really couldnt do the Bali section .

    However that book has sat on the empty pillow next to me night after night or slid unread between the sheets for weeks!!! I dont actually know why this is, but the comfort from this book is palpable and real to me.

    Knowing she was on the floor in tears night after night with her divorce, or wallowing in her years of living madly that followed, or searching the whole world over, i knew what Liz went through.I felt it too. i did my own versions. It felt that bad and worse, i did that madness AND worse, and I am still searching.

    Yes the feelings she wrote about , the open hearted admissions of FEELINGS had me disarmed and crying and wondering and joyfully praying . The book itself seems a statement about moving past pain and into living , and reading it , even reading the bits I did read, has brought MOVEMENT into the stuckness of my life after divorce.

    Thank you Elizabeth Gilbert for having the courage to write of those feelings .

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 5:14am

  273. 273: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    working my way through the posts…

    Daria: ROFL!!! “kinda likea big soft pillow they fall into with their dicks first” Oh my goodness girl – I’m going to be laughing about this one for awhile now. Kinda like Jennifer’s comment “he worked me a like a summer job”. Hahahaha! I STILL crack up about that one. :-)

    Girl I love your posts. I know you don’t mean this stuff as funny but I feel smiley when I read it. Or maybe it’s just the honesty of your feelings and I can see so much of what you feel in myself. It’s amazing to see your feelings so clearly. Even the dark ones. It feels good to see them.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 7:07am

  274. 274: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    And Daria again – you totally need to have that t-shirt made up. I guarantee it would make money. Hi-sterical! ;-)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 7:24am

  275. 275: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer: you are all that and a bag of chips. And yes, the quality of your soul is way awesome! I value what you value sister girl.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 7:28am

  276. 276: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m working at getting in tune with my body. I feel disconnected and numb from the actual sensation of touch. For so long I felt guilt and shame around my body (not just sexually but all of it). I’m rejecting that belief. I love my body. I love what my body can do. I love how my body feels. I love how good touch feels.

    I went to the chiropractor yesterday for a first visit. I seriously need to be adjusted (hopefully today). She touched something on my neck and ouch – pain. What’s weird is that my neck isn’t hurting. My back is hurting. Chiro said it’s my neck causing the back pain. I feel out of touch with my body.

    And I’m getting a massage today. YES!!

    More touch, more touch, more touch.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 7:35am

  277. 277: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    And I feel angry and weird about Mr. Fab Kisser. He hasn’t called me at all this week. I feel completely disconnected and yucky. I feel very vulnerable with him, and he’s shutting me out. It sucks. I feel mad.

    I want to heal myself with him through sex. Ok there. I said it. We were going to practice intimacy through sex. And now he’s bailing on me. I feel sad. I want to heal my body around sex. Shame/Guilt/Shame/Guilt. So tired of feeling that way. And I felt so open to exploring this with him. I feel so vulnerable. And that feels yucky because he hasn’t called. How can I not be tied to the outcome if he’s the one who can give me what I want?

    I feel sad and betrayed. :(

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 7:38am

  278. 278: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I really want to puke for having written those words out loud. I want to crawl under the covers so no one can see me. My faith is so important to me but I have needs God! How could you give me this body and these feelings and cut off my ability to “feed” myself?

    I don’t think that’s really God. I think that’s humans trying to control the world. I feel angry.

    God is love.
    God IS love.
    God is LOVE.

    He doesn’t hate me. He loves me. He loves my body. He created me. He wants what is best for me.

    And so do I. I feel sad. I want this healed. My heart feels so open I feel scared and vulnerable. I want to retreat. I want to close up that wall.

    Don’t judge. Don’t judge yourself Shannon.

    I am stronger than steel.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 7:44am

  279. 279: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Shannon, awesome. Huge shifts, revelations, so good…
    xo

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 7:54am

  280. 280: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, i love what you just wrote about god, and about sex. It makes me want to pray with you to a God I can actually be down with.

    It’s been an atypical journey for me. I was raised without religion. In fact, I was raised to believe that religion can often cause more harm than good, but somehow I picked up this idea along the way that the best thing to want for myself was waiting until marriage for sex.

    This decision eventually turned into a religious decision, and around age 21 I started covering up my body with much more modest clothing and studying religion and prayer. I considered converting to Islam. Then I met some guy who tugged my dysfunctional strings just the right way by ridiculing my decision to be abstinent, so I pursued him and gave him my virginity when I was nearly 22.

    I love my journey. God loves my journey. I have no shame. But it is easy for me to have no shame because I’ve only had 2 sexual partners and I didn’t feel pressured with either man. When I felt pressured and insecure with my current, I stopped. God doesn’t want me to deny myself sex. He just doesn’t want me to go through the motions of it when it isn’t right.

    I feel a little bad that I just took your thoughts and turned it into Me Me Me time.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 7:58am

  281. 281: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque, Dorothea: Thank you. I feel tears. Phew. Overwhelmed. I feel relieved. There is relief in truth and no judgment. Thank you.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 8:04am

  282. 282: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    So me and LI have been fighting. Like, at least once a day.

    We just fight fight fight. I say mean things. He closes up. Then he opens up. Then I stop saying mean things. Then I feel freaking awful horrible monster for having said anything mean.

    He just..is really patient and forgiving. He sees it as a fighting phase, and that after seeing each other for 9 months straight, we are getting to know each other’s buttons and also freaking out a little bit about opening up and looking down the road to marriage.

    I feel tired of fighting. I always make it worse. I’m a mean, bad little girl. I know I’m not supposed to judge myself but I get stuck on the loop.

    This feels like sad childhood crap. Or my last relationship. I feel all the abusive energy from my last serious LI choking me and hitting me and telling me I should just kill myself coming out of me toward my current LI. I was raised in violence and hatred and then got into a relationship that ended up being based on it, and now it actually influences who I am even though I’m nowhere near those awful things.

    I feel afraid and a little hopeless.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 8:04am

  283. 283: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea: What would the words look like to tell LI some of this stuff? Just sharing your history and what’s going on with you. Have you done that? Would you feel comfortable to do that?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 8:22am

  284. 284: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, RE: #129 – Wowee!

    Did you just write that spontaneously??? That is a beautiful, breathtaking poem!!!! Do you write a lot of poetry? That was astounding!!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 8:26am

  285. 285: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Rosalind: Can you tell me why you haven’t finished the book? As I said, I haven’t read it and it is on my list of books to get to, but I’m curious about your take on it. Do you find it boring, too deep, brings up uncomfortable feelings? I’m just curious. I love reading and I love the effect various books have had on me for one reason or another. Anyway…just wondering what it is that’s stopping you from finishing it.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 8:27am

  286. 286: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    “I was raised in violence and hatred and then got into a relationship that ended up being based on it…”

    Thank you for being so honest here. I have been looking at my repeating patterns with this. I would love to learn how to stop repeating it. I keep feeling “afraid”. I didn’t recognize that until I started using Rori’s feeling messages and tools.

    And I feel like I want to be safe, instead.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 8:28am

  287. 287: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    When I felt pressured and insecure with my current, I stopped. God doesn’t want me to deny myself sex. He just doesn’t want me to go through the motions of it when it isn’t right.

    I’m changing my belief around this one to be God wants me to be honest with myself and the other person about what I’m actually feeling and what I actually want.

    I don’t think I’ve been honest or open about sex once in my life. And I’ve had a lot of it. But I don’t think I’ve ever (even while married) really known what felt good to me, just for me. It all was shadowed by what felt good for him.

    I will heal this. Sex feels good and beautiful and can be a way to worship God. I feel icky shame even writing those words, like I’m dissing God’s word.

    No. God wants this healed in me. No I say to the nasty voices. I love you but no I refuse to feel this way. Okay wait. Yes I feel that way but I would also like to feel okay.

    Yes, that feels better.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 8:30am

  288. 288: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    shannon, LI knows all about this crap, and more. he knows it all. which is probably why he is so patient and forgiving with me. his patience will run out one day, though. I feel afraid.

    he tells me “i’m not going anywhere,” and “i want to be here for you while you get through all this,” and “we’ll get through this together,” and all that…

    and i’m thinkin like “blah! the only reason i’m acting this way is because you love me.”

    would be more peaceful, on a superficial level, to just be alone.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:02am

  289. 289: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    it’s kind of terrifying and saddening. I’m starting to realize this man loves me so much, nearly unconditionally. No one has ever loved me unconditionally in my whole life.

    stupid stupid man

    yes i am dealing with a lot of NVs right now.

    Hello NVs. Havin fun?? lolz GIT OUT OF MAH BRAINZ

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:12am

  290. 290: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: I did the same with Mr. Fab Kisser. He wouldn’t go away even when I pushed and tested him. And now that I feel completely vulnerable to him, he’s pulling away. I feel yucky. He’s making my belief come true. Or rather, I’m making my belief come truth… that no man would stay if he really knew me.

    I applaud you for sticking with this and working through it.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:25am

  291. 291: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks shannon
    you are so lovely. no matter what happens i know you will be just great.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:26am

  292. 292: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    And I liked him less for sticking with me. Like, how messed up must HE be to want to stick with someone like me?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:26am

  293. 293: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    omg shannon me too
    me too me too me too
    me too

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:26am

  294. 294: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Why is it so easy to believe other people are wonderful and not ourselves? Like I believe in the pit of my soul that Dorothea can have anything she wants but the voices inside my head (the real ones, not the nice ones on the surface) tell me “he will always leave”?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:28am

  295. 295: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    shannon, would you be willing to do a favor for me today??

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:33am

  296. 296: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Why am I rooting for Dorothea and not for myself?

    I get “there” in my thinking sometimes but then it gets ripped away.

    I do love me. I am f*cked up and beautiful. I just can’t picture a healthy relationship. I don’t even know what that might look like. Just trusting that someone would stick around is a HUGE hurtle for me to overcome.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:34am

  297. 297: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Yes ma’am.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:35am

  298. 298: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Well I think you’re headed there on your own and without my asking but
    could you please do me a favor? I feel great having your faith and encouragement, but i would really appreciate it if you would take that pit of your soul feeling and try to turn it around on yourself today.

    cuz i have that same feeling about you. so i will turn it around on myself today if you will do it for you too.

    pretty please?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:41am

  299. 299: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    I just got an email telling me Eat, Pray, Love wine is on sale at the World Market for a limited time. I think I’ll pick some up for when I get to the book. Chianti or Pinot Grigio only…really wish Pinot Noir or Merlot….

    Oh well…sounds like a good compliment to the book. :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:48am

  300. 300: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I will. I almost wrote “I will try”, which feels lame (like not trying). Thank you Dorothea. I feel validated and “got” if that makes sense. <3

    Sometimes I just laugh at myself. I can't believe I have all these thoughts. Self, are we bored of each other yet? Yikes.

    I want food. I want sex. Wonder if I can have both? ;-) Dang Mr. Fab Kisser, where are you??

    Guess I will placate myself with a massage. I know, I know. Feel pity for me now.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:50am

  301. 301: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    You’ll like the book Mercedes. Can’t guarantee the wine but the book feels good to read.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:51am

  302. 302: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks SS! I’m excited about it…but right now I need to finish the one I’m on. And I can’t rush it. I read his words over and over because I know the intent is to deeply touch the heart of the reader and I want to really “GET” it. Once I’m finished though…I’m guessing its on to Eat, Pray, Love because it is brought up to me in one way or another every single day.

    I can’t imagine the wine is anything fantastic, but the thought is just corny enough for me to want to give it a whirl. LOL

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:58am

  303. 303: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    What are you reading now? If you’ve already said this, I apologize.

    Oh, and I have three mentoring books ordered. Two more weeks of training and then I get my mentee. Yeah! (And scary! LOL!)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:09am

  304. 304: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Right now it’s the autobiography of the Dalai Lama. I love the message and I believe if he can go through everything he went through and become this person who is such an inspiration…well…none of the rest of us have any real legitimate reason to blame our childhoods on any choices we make as adults. Anyway…the book is phenominal. A different religion from mine…that’s for sure…but a wonderful message of strength and conviction.

    Anyway…YAY on your mentoring! I was in a training class yesterday for a presentation I’m going to give to about a thousand (or so…maybe 800??) eight graders next month. I’m soooo excited about it. Met with a lady at work too who wants to sit down with me and determine a better schedule (what works for me and doesn’t burn me out type of a schedule) to spend more time (but not too much time) working with the youth here. I’m excited too! We got this! :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:15am

  305. 305: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon and Dorothea – “I do love me. I am f*cked up and beautiful. I just can’t picture a healthy relationship. I don’t even know what that might look like. Just trusting that someone would stick around is a HUGE hurtle for me to overcome.”

    And you know what? I STILL have this come up for me, and I HAVE the relationship I want. It’s OKAY to have these thoughts. They serve to remind us how very special we really are and how delightfully complex and contradictory.
    xxoo

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:20am

  306. 306: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes: I feel not worthy! ;-) 1,000 8th graders? Ummm… I’ll start small… with like… I dunno… ONE. Hehe! That’s awesome!

    Tinque: Thank you for those kind words. I feel reassured. I still have these walls up about relationships. I would really like to allow someone in. Ya know? I’m beginning to believe Mr. Fab Kisser just isn’t the one. (Known that for awhile but still feel like it’s MY walls, not him.) I dunno. I’m in process. I’m recognizing things more and more. I want to change my beliefs.

    I want to thank you and Mercedes for helping me to see just how jaded my beliefs are. I’m sorry about the way it had to happen but I needed it to happen that way so that I could see it. Make sense?

    I don’t want to continually apologize for it (I’m letting it go now) but I wanted to say I’m sorry while I don’t feel so charged up about things.

    Ok, now I’m letting it go.

    Yes. Okay wait.

    Now.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:29am

  307. 307: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    JEnnifer – I LOVE your post where you are “bragging”

    I feel Empowered and like YES she sees it and I SAW it in myself.

    that i deserve gifts based on the content of my soul.

    Thank you for that.

    Have you Read Mama Gena’s books — they mention the power of Womanly Bragging

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:30am

  308. 308: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Still have to read all the posts. Can’t help but LOL at Daria’s magic, beautiful toilet post.

    I feel mixed today. A mixture of exhileration and drainage.

    I want a friend who is a whole package. One who can hear my brain and feel my heart.

    I feel disconnected. I love my disconnect.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:33am

  309. 309: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer: I loved your post where you were “bragging” too. It doesn’t feel like bragging, it feels like SELF-ESTEEM! And that feels awesome

    Daria: I loved reading your posts from last night. And I loved tapping in to my storyteller side. You inspired me. Thanks!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:33am

  310. 310: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks! – I am on AIM if you want to talk.

    Brenda – thank you, I just write here all the time

    Shannon – I DO mean to be funny!

    The voices in my head are FUNNY and I LOVE THAT

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:42am

  311. 311: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I’m on my way…

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:46am

  312. 312: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS and Dorothea:

    Oh my goodness, I can so relate to what you are saying. I have had so many similar emotions come up around my LI lately.

    I have found myself feeling unworthy when I see him trying so hard to make me happy and be the man I want him to be. I feel so bad when I express a dislike about something and then he changes it. I feel unworthy. I feel questioning of how he can be so in love with me. I feel disturbed when I see myself sabotaging the relationship.

    Ugh! Who knew having someone be so in to me would be hard!

    I feel scared that eventually he will give up. I feel scared but I also recognize a part of me that wants that. A part of me wants to prove that I am unworthy.

    This feels so weird and disturbing.

    I want to relax into being adored. I want to feel worthy!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:47am

  313. 313: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling inspired to share a conversation I had with LI

    yesterday as we were driving past the movie theater…

    Him: Oh what movies are out? Oooooh Eat, love, pray is out! Cool!!!!

    Me: looking at him with shock and surprise

    Him: what? I read the book. I liked it.

    Me: laughing

    Him: ya, my friend thought she was selfish but I thought it was cool that she followed her bliss

    Me: still laughing

    Oooooo, it felt so funny. I never would have guessed that my manly man read eat, pray, love or that he would be so excited about the movie coming out. It felt really sweet.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:59am

  314. 314: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    LOL! Yes…Shannon…time to let it go. I beat you up about it, you beat you up about it, I beat me up about it, you beat me up about it….I think we covered our bases, no? LOL :-) (said with love)

    The kids…well…remember, I’ve been doing this for a long time (geez! almost 20 years now??!!) and speaking in front of hundreds of people for about 5 years or so (maybe more??). Adults still make me nervous (although I can do it) but kids are just plain fun. I like smaller groups better. Smaller groups I feel like I touch someone. Larger groups make me feel like a teacher. In any and all cases though I leave all pumped up and happy. :-)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:05am

  315. 315: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I hope you do something big with your writing skill!! I really got a kick out of your last night’s ramblings! You had me laughing over and over! You go on with your bad self writing on your floating journal! :-)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:06am

  316. 316: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque,

    I really appreciate your steady softness. The best thing (of many) that you taught me was how to be gentle to myself!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:08am

  317. 317: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I feel really annoyed of this defense about…

    not using feeling messages all the time.

    this is the place to soften up.

    your posts with explanations of your past feel like trying to read braille

    the explanations in our past – wehn I , Erika, LG, Shannon, for example, dive into them, is for US ourselves to process and let go of the trigger

    your posts they seem like chatter to defend and cover up real feelings -

    it reminds me of that Maragaret Paul article that Rori Guest posted

    :: Explanation is a form of control::

    I feel angry reading all this defense

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:27am

  318. 318: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Do you want me to say I feel something that I don’t feel? Am I in error if I don’t drink the poisoned kool aid? Must I parrot everything everyone says?

    I am a unique human being. I feel vastly misunderstood and shut down.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:38am

  319. 319: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Explanation is a form of being on common ground.

    Right now I feel on a different continent. I feel far safer with Rori. I will go back to listening to her programs. This does not represent what Rori says. She even addressed it on here about a month ago, saying these are not hard, fast rules. They are tools.

    A tool is something you pick up and set down as needed. I don’t like to feel misunderstood and unsafe.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:40am

  320. 320: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    BRENDA – I do not want to be enabling blaming and explanation and mind chatter out of anxiety – to avoid someone touching on their real feelings and healing.

    I do not want to deal with being attacked blamed and manipulated.

    I do not want to ignore my OWN – AHA – PAin of watching one of us to be hurting herself in our midst

    Aha. ok. now i am touching on ME. thats wassup.

    I don’t want to abandon myself to hypnotization of someone’s pain.

    I LOVE Me.

    I feel compassion for you Brenda, and I feel afraid of the defense stuff, and I feel compassion for me

    I feel like we’re in a hurricane and I’m waiting for you and you won’t leave the house

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:41am

  321. 321: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Would you rather I say, “Yeah, you’re right, I am sitting on a bundle of dynamite full of rage. Shucks, ya found me out.”

    It’s not there! I was very, very gut level in exposing my depression. If I bare my heart and baring my heart is control, manipulation, and attack, then I won’t bare my heart.

    I feel completely shut down. And I love you.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:51am

  322. 322: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: Can I ask you a question? I really want to know if it okay with you. If you feel safe with me asking you a question. If not, then I won’t. I will respect your choice.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:18pm

  323. 323: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ah LG That feels scary

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:20pm

  324. 324: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – sorry you feel shut down.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:22pm

  325. 325: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, Yes, what is your question?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:22pm

  326. 326: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – to me, what you’re doing… and writing

    is what Rori commented recently about :

    Baring your past … or… baring your feelings

    to me it seems youre baring your past

    youre feelings are in your BODY now

    not in even the stories in the past that you notice – tho its ok to notice the stories.

    The feelings in the BODY now is whats missing …

    i feel disconnected from you without that…

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:24pm

  327. 327: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Thank you. FYI, when I share that my house looks like the hurricane you are trying to get me out of, and that I have been wallowing in depression for a year and have gained 35 lbs, I feel very vulnerable. It is not easy to share all that, and I don’t share that every day with many people in my every day world.

    I feel unheard simply because I didn’t word my gut level feelings exactly the way you would have. How would you have handled my self-revelation if I had been a man?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:25pm

  328. 328: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – when you share that, you are sharing INFORMATION about you. it feels weird to hear it more than once. i feel disconnected, and i feel … surprisingly to me… unheard – as in.. doesnt she know she’s told me that?

    i wouldn’t feel triggered if the information was used by you to work on yourself so that i can learn from your process…

    but it seems youre Explaining to me with that information… and that feels confusing and werid.

    basically my heart feels :: slippery wall, huh? what is this

    It’s not FEELINGS

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:29pm

  329. 329: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    If it were a man I would feel furious that he is telling me something AGAIN and I would feel turned off extremely .

    This is why i feel freaked out to see it from you because I don’t want to feel turned off extremely by you and it would feel great to connect with you

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:30pm

  330. 330: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I was responding to Shannon gently suggesting that perhaps I was dealing with rage, bottled up rage.

    If I had said no, I’m not, would she or anyone have believed me? No, of course not. So I explained why a lot of my posts are upbeat. I am doing my best to feed my sliced up heart positive food. Not because I am fighting rage, but because I am fighting depression.

    If you reread my post about my recent past, you will see I am filling in the details that explain in detail how I feel NOW.

    I feel depressed.

    Because I so often feel misunderstood and unheard on here, I accompanied my feeling with an explanation. A fake proposal is the cruelest, most painful, most Sadistic thing anyone ever did to me. It felt like a crime beyond having my house or car stolen! It felt beyond rape! My f*cking dreams, hopes, and love were f*cking raped!

    So those feelings are still in play, right now, today. What was supposed to be the happiest moment of my life, an engagement, was turned into the ugliest, most hurtful moment of my life. I’m not over it yet. It was the moment I looked forward to my whole life. I have worked thru a lot of it, but it is fundamentally why I am still in depression.

    I want to feel understood.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:31pm

  331. 331: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel drained by complaints. and like my rasta friend said. i dont like to hear that, it brings My energy level down.

    it doesnt feel good.

    I don’t want to have my energy drained by complaints.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:32pm

  332. 332: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Daria,

    I was responding to Shannon gently suggesting that perhaps I was dealing with rage, bottled up rage.

    this is all I read.

    As you can see, the first line is an explanation. rori has posted an article on how explanation is a form of control.

    I am one of those people who responds to control by RESISTANCE

    I feel extremely triggered and sensitive to feeling controlled

    I feel angry about it

    I feel so swept away and jumpy it feels like a bee is attacking me and i would jump out of my chair

    i can’t think, but I remember in Inner Bonding there was something more, about how to respond without giving away my power in Resistance or in Abandoing myself.

    I want to feel this intense feeling and INTENSELY UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING AND LOVE MYSELF.

    /Hug myself.

    wow its ok. i am safe. i got my back. i don’t want to be controlled, and i don’t want to be Explained TO. that feels disconnecting and i dont’ feel respected or seen or FELT

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:35pm

  333. 333: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    You are on the blog every day. Some people aren’t. I don’t always assume people know my story. There are new people on here all the time. If this had been a conversation between you and me, I wouldn’t repeat myself. It’s not a normal relational forum being on a blog.

    Thank you for explaining where you are coming from. I would like to connect to you too.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:36pm

  334. 334: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I get a lot of mixed messages from WH. I wonder if I give HIM a lot of mixed messages? I wonder if there is something I need to do/see around mixed messages…….

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:36pm

  335. 335: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everybody. I haven’t read everything yet today….. Love you all. <3

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:38pm

  336. 336: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: first of all, thank you for being open to my question. I really appreciate that.

    What I am wondering is if when you were young and faced with the harshness and criticism that you have mentioned, did the people who were harsh with you follow the criticism up by saying “I love you”? And if so, how did you feel hearing that?

    I feel weird asking that. I feel curious if maybe it would make more sense if I just riffed on how I feel about it. But I honestly feel curious where that comes from…why you do that.

    But I also feel scared asking because I don’t really want to hear more explanation from you. I really want to hear how you feel. I genuinely want to feel connected to you in that way.

    I also feel intrigued by what you said to Daria ” How would you have handled my self-revelation if I had been a man?” because I had the thought last night that what if I just responded to women on here using masculine voice as if they were a man.

    And then I felt confused because most of the men I interact with are in to their emotions and often express them. For me, expressing feelings isn’t just about being feminine. I see it as more of a human thing. In the same way that NVC isn’t exclusively for women, I don’t see expressing feeling that way either.

    So, if I were to respond to you as if you were a man, I would still say, “I don’t want to hear your explanations, I want to know your feelings. That how I feel connected to you”.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:38pm

  337. 337: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    “I want to change my beliefs.” And this is where it starts Shannon. You’re already well on your way. :)
    xxoo

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:39pm

  338. 338: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    You call it control. I call it coming to a mutual understanding.

    What do you want me to say? I feel frustrated. I feel controlled. I feel unheard. I feel like hugging you.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:39pm

  339. 339: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol . Mirror! I responded to Brenda’s explanation, initially with an explanation of my own:

    “As you can see, the first line is an explanation. rori has posted an article on how explanation is a form of control.

    I am one of those people who responds to control by RESISTANCE

    haha.

    I resisted control by attempting to control AS WELL,

    which felt EVEN MORE intense, and is bascialy giving away my power a la inner bonding.

    yay!!!

    i am learning.

    then i wet to feelings and got with them so was able to be there for myself

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:39pm

  340. 340: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I want you to say,

    oh wow Daria you’re right! I never realized I was hurting my self by talking this way. But now I do, and I think I can stop. And my life is going to be so much better now! Thank you! I love you Daria!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:40pm

  341. 341: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    apparently I want to feel loved and appreciated.

    yay

    the apparently feels judging and sarcastic

    and i love me

    I want to feel loved and appreciated

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:41pm

  342. 342: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Woah, I feel a little tripped out reading Daria’s words because as I was typing my post she was saying something very similar.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:44pm

  343. 343: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG,

    Hi, NO, when I was young, I rarely heard, “I love you”. I grew up believing that my parents and brothers didn’t like me and didn’t love me. I lived in fear of rage. No matter what I said or did, I felt harshed on with anger.

    When I was 16, I had a meltdown one night. I sat on the floor leaning against my bed, and I cried and cried. My parents came in the room and sat on either side of me, asking what was wrong.

    I said, “I want to be loved. I don’t feel loved.”

    They both hugged and cuddled me there on the floor and softly assured me they loved me. It was the very first day I started to heal. I never knew they loved me until that day.

    When I say I love you and accept you, I am letting you know that whatever we are discussing does not change my love and acceptance for you. I am letting you know I am not angry with you.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:44pm

  344. 344: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, if I were in your shoes right now, I would become curious about how I feel right now at this moment while this is happening on the blog. Then I would sink into that feeling, and eventually feel it transform.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:44pm

  345. 345: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    your whole post above as well as Shannon’s makes me feel like a real toddler lol. I feel questioning of myself if I will ever get there. But i sure am absorbing.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:45pm

  346. 346: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh wow Daria you’re right! I never realized I was hurting myself by responding to explanations with explanations. and now that i noticed it, i think i can stop! and my life will be better because of it! thank you! I love you Daria!

    there we go.

    wow this is some alice in wonderland stuff

    im talking to Brenda and I wind up talking to myself

    it feels moving

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:45pm

  347. 347: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    ” I never realized I was hurting myself by responding to explanations with explanations. and now that i noticed it, i think i can stop! and my life will be better because of it! thank you! I love you Daria!”

    I feel happy and smiley reading that! :)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:46pm

  348. 348: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hey – not spamming, I really want Brenda to find this post so am reposting here….

    1171: Jacqueline says:
    Wow, Scott McKay already emailed me back – he offers a free 10 minute phone call/coaching thing anyway…Feels fantastic! but I’ve still gotta do chores. lol

    Daria will you please challenge/riff on the Athol post? It would feel good – I don’t care what you say, I just like to hear you talk. grin……

    Brenda, sorry if I helped trigger you; but again, I feel you should look up ACIM because when you align yourself with someone speaking The Truth, you’d better be aware of all of what all they are saying. And I do not think you’re gonna be cool with J***** as a “wayshower elder brother”!!!!- what do you think?

    xo,
    J

    And Hiya, AJacks!!!! I saw you on the cereal shelf at Krogers the other day….heee heee….wanna write a blog article on my blog on sufiism? that would be cool!

    Thanks all,
    J

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:47pm

  349. 349: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Jacqueline! I would love to write on Sufism. Thank you for the offer. Of course I’ll have to brainstorm a bit…I’ll be in touch with you. :)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:50pm

  350. 350: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yes! I want to feel lived and appreciated too! And I want to feel movement forward. I want to feel confident in my ability to helpful.

    LI goes into explanation sometimes too and I feel super annoyed and frustrated by that.

    How can I heal it? I guess by not doing it myself and staying in my feelings even when others are explanation and once I do that for myself I imagine their explaining will disappear as well.

    Mmmmm, okay seriously, off now to do some chores.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:50pm

  351. 351: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda –

    I feel gross and judgemental when I read this.

    “When I was 16, I had a meltdown one night. I sat on the floor leaning against my bed, and I cried and cried. My parents came in the room and sat on either side of me, asking what was wrong.

    I said, “I want to be loved. I don’t feel loved.”

    They both hugged and cuddled me there on the floor and softly assured me they loved me. It was the very first day I started to heal. I never knew they loved me until that day. ”

    This is meant to be a personal story, and it feels weird and gross to have it revealed to me this way. In fact i feel angry. I don’t know why. I feel furious. I feel gross reading about how your parents hugged and cuddled you without hearing about your feelings about it.

    I feel like im being forced to watch something lewd.

    I do not like to hear personal stories without FEELINGS of the person saying it.

    It feels disturbing.

    I feel angry

    I do /NOT want to feel disturbed and strange.

    I Feel SO MAD>

    — I apologize for pain triggered by of this post ahead of time… it’s triggering a strong strong reaction in me … —

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:52pm

  352. 352: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    It feels like im reading a novel, not interacting with a person.
    I feel furious. I feel like sweeepin aeverry lias piece of SH***T off my table.

    I Feel furious.

    I feel curious whether i’ve tapped into some of your energy formations right now

    is this my anger?

    i love my anger and my fear of my anger

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:53pm

  353. 353: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “How can I heal it? I guess by not doing it myself and staying in my feelings even when others are explanation and once I do that for myself I imagine their explaining will disappear as well.”

    I feel smiley. I find that when I do what you are talking about (whatever the trigger is), the other person’s behavior DOES disappear/change, OR I simply notice it and it doesn’t have any effect on me. (No longer a personal trigger.)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:54pm

  354. 354: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lordy. I feel silly. I feel guilty. I said I was going to do chores and I’m still here typing. I am judging myself.

    I’m blogging when I should be working. I’m not a as eloquent as Daria.

    Please nasty voices! Please stop!!! It feels horrible to be criticized so much. I’m trying. I’m really trying

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:56pm

  355. 355: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika thinks im tapping into Brenda’s anger, which is under depression.

    Rori says depression is anger turned inwards. Depression is like a lid on emotions

    and Brenda says she’s not feeling angry at us, earlier…

    and now i might be feeling it

    i feel so furious

    my jaw feels tight

    and werid

    these a re a lil bit different than my own anger feels

    i love my anger and Brenda’s anger

    i am a human magic being

    i can feel anger

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:57pm

  356. 356: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so angry

    i am pursing my lips

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 12:59pm

  357. 357: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – ok you’re stories are cool actually. I was triggered by THE OTHER THING.

    the other thign is that you do not speak how you feel.

    so it triggers a feeling of falling thru the cracks, feeling lost, groping for connection … when i read

    its like argument

    evidence = story

    conclusion

    but no feelings that would tie me in the reason the story leads to conclusion

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:01pm

  358. 358: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, NV’s in the corner.

    Lucy: when I am getting mixed messages from a man I have found that it’s because I am giving them mixed messages in the form of

    I feel so attracted to you but scared you aren’t going to be attracted to me. Yet I am going to “lean back” and act like I am cool and confident and not expose what’s really going on for me.

    Those are the mixed messages I tend to send.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:02pm

  359. 359: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    most likely you’re not feeling your feelings due to the depression.

    If you had to pick one thing of how you feel… like do the rori shoulder roll, and see what feeling comes up from your tummy

    … turns and asks herself …

    open. happy

    — weird cuz i also still feel shaky with anger, but i dont think its mine.. ive picked up energy… possibly yours –

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:03pm

  360. 360: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG -

    “I feel so attracted to you but scared you aren’t going to be attracted to me. Yet I am going to “lean back” and act like I am cool and confident and not expose what’s really going on for me.

    Those are the mixed messages I tend to send.”

    Me too! I feel excited, and also scared… now what?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:05pm

  361. 361: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “its like argument

    evidence = story

    conclusion

    but no feelings that would tie me in the reason the story leads to conclusion”

    I see what you are saying here, Daria.

    I see why that would trigger you.

    For myself, I fill in the blanks and it doesn’t trigger me. I hear Brenda’s heart between the words. KWIM?

    I feel happy reading: “ok you’re stories are cool actually”

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:05pm

  362. 362: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, thank you so much for your comment! It feels good to be heard.

    Yes, this is exactly how I feel: “I feel so attracted to you but scared you aren’t going to be attracted to me. Yet I am going to “lean back” and act like I am cool and confident and not expose what’s really going on for me. ”

    But, dear LG, please tell me, how do I resolve this without leaning forward???

    At present, I am trying to not just ACT cool and confident, but BE cool and confident and trusting.

    What do you think?

    <3
    Lucy

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:09pm

  363. 363: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I admit it. I’m really an ax murderer making my rounds around the world. Lucy is next…see you in 2 hours.

    Is that what you want to hear?

    I feel completely and utterly unheard, misunderstood, vulnerable, and shut down.

    The most helpful, most accurate advice on here today was from Lucy, about being in touch with the feeling I have right here, right now. Which is deep sadness and isolation, the feelings that are beneath my depression.

    So I am leaving now to go get ready to explode on my next victim. As you smile at my departure, explore the posts on here the past week…count how many of yours were laced with anger. Then count how many of mine were….

    I intensely dislike feeling misunderstood and judged.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:09pm

  364. 364: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    New Sirens –

    When you bare your hearts here, prepare to be decimated.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:10pm

  365. 365: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – im afraid, my dear, that our answer is something like this…

    i feel so attracted to you and i feel insecure and scared that you’re not going to be as attracted to me. so i find myself trying to play it cool. i feel so vulnerable it feels hard to open up..; what do u think ?

    OMG feels scary and exciting too

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:11pm

  366. 366: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I don’t want to be blamed or attacked.

    I feel genuinely sorry for your pain.

    I feel afraid, of being attacekd and blamed, and I feel quivering and shaking. I love me, and I’m willing to feel this way, for me feeling happier and for you too. Like reaching out monkey for the bigger fruit on the next branch

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:13pm

  367. 367: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Nevermind…don’t count mine (very very few were laced with anger), because you will just put your mirrors there and say I was like a raging bull.

    Nevermind that I’m oozing with love…

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:13pm

  368. 368: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Really, Daria? I feel scared. That feels like Leaning Forward, picking up the oars, trying to row the boat…. But is it??? Does it just feel that way because I feel scared? What do you think Rori would say?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:13pm

  369. 369: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria and LG, although I feel completely misunderstood and unheard,

    I LOVE YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:14pm

  370. 370: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, it feels like “chasing” and “pursuing” to me…. But is that just me and my weird filters and fears???

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:16pm

  371. 371: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, sorry, filters, I judged you as “weird.”

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:16pm

  372. 372: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I feel afraid that I’m going to sob uncontrollably when we watch that movie tonight. I might embarrass you.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:17pm

  373. 373: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “The most helpful, most accurate advice on here today was from Lucy, about being in touch with the feeling I have right here, right now. Which is deep sadness and isolation, the feelings that are beneath my depression. ”

    as soon as you said this, i feel excited.

    Deep sadness and isolation… i feel pulled in. this is awesome

    Babysteps

    yesssss

    this is great

    great great

    deep sadness and isolation

    i feel curious about these feelings

    i feel this is wonderful

    yayyy

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:18pm

  374. 374: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I love you and appreciate you too.! I feel much more connected to you now after reading what you feel right now.

    You feel deep sadness and isolation. I GETT what you feel!! this is EXCITNG! FOR ME

    I feel more close ! to you!

    and I feel EXICTED like a jumping up and down kid. this is what Rori was talking about.

    I GET IT I GET IT I GET IT

    yay…

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:20pm

  375. 375: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I dono Lucy I think its great and I feel excited I said it – for myself that is.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:21pm

  376. 376: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, did you say it to the guy?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:22pm

  377. 377: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im glad i realized that with a man i find “too” attractive I feel even more scared to open up

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:22pm

  378. 378: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    no im just making it up for all occasions – because there are many – when i find the man attractive and i feel shy

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:23pm

  379. 379: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I feel weird saying this, but I kinda would like to hear an explanation (uh-oh) about how that would NOT be pursuing, leaning forward, etc. I feel confused about that.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:24pm

  380. 380: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, are you still here? What do you think?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:25pm

  381. 381: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    is leaning forward only when our vibe or our motivation is to get something or make something happen?

    so if I can say how I feel without attaching any expectation- that’s just me being vulnerable?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:27pm

  382. 382: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – well ASKINg for explanation is surely different than me going – WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN!! instead of telling you my feelings right?

    – i think that was an explanation right there … i guess i feel a lil misunderstood reading Uhoh about asking for an explanation –

    i feel this trigger just barely snag my coat, and im not REAALLy feeling it,

    i feel much more excited to GIVE OF MYSELF in terms of explaining this.

    Well.

    To me… that is just totally sharing my feelings. its not asking or desiring anything, except to know what he thinks.

    and letting him know im having trouble opening up. in fact in this case, his attractiveness is an obstacle to my opening up… (the same way , say, unattractiveness would be) … and im sharing him to let him lead

    and let him know i dont feel comfortable with you looking so DAMN ATTRACTIVE MISTER That i want to jump your bones!!!

    AmberS – yes. that is it. you got it.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:31pm

  383. 383: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Saying how we feel with no expaectation is SHARING our feeling state and is completely Feminine… thats the space we want to be in

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:31pm

  384. 384: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “and let him know i dont feel comfortable with you looking so DAMN ATTRACTIVE MISTER That i want to jump your bones!!!”

    Lol. Yeah, that’s how I feel! Sometimes I just wanna burst out with, “Dammit, why do you have to be so damn attractive to me?!”

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:33pm

  385. 385: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, my problem is with the expectation. Of course if I share those feelings, I WANT him to say, “I want you too, baby.”

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:35pm

  386. 386: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ya, I’m here. For me, in that situation I see two options for myself.

    I can express it to the man in a feeling message (like the one Daria wrote)

    and/or

    I can uncover why it is that I feel unworthy of him

    personally, I am doing both. I express my insecurities to LI often and I said almost verbatim to him what Daria said in her feeling message when we first met. It doesn’t seem to turn him off. He seems to appreciate my vulnerability.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:37pm

  387. 387: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    For me, I’m not sure if it DOES feel “hard to open up.” So, for me, it might be:

    i feel so attracted to you and i feel insecure and scared and sad that it seems you are not as attracted to me. so i find myself trying to play it cool. i feel so vulnerable. what do u think ?

    Daria, LG, anyone…..what do you think?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:39pm

  388. 388: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – well of course you want him to say that. anytime we share a feeling we want to feel heard and loved and protected

    and we trust that we are and will

    and when it doesnt happen sometimes…

    we still share again – OPEN HEART

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:41pm

  389. 389: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy- I feel tension on the word YOU. I feel pulling in my heart there. Need.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:42pm

  390. 390: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, LG.

    “….and I said almost verbatim to him what Daria said in her feeling message when we first met. It doesn’t seem to turn him off.”

    But, that was because he was interested in you ANYWAY, right? Wouldn’t it be different if the guy wasn’t completely interested? (which I fear is the case here — his mixed messages confuse me)

    So wouldn’t it push him away if he didn’t feel the same way I did?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:42pm

  391. 391: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unworthy of him because I wasnt hit on by the boys i had a crush on in middle school.

    now what?
    huhhuh?

    i worked on this with EFT last nite about a memory when i was 5

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:43pm

  392. 392: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Lucy – well of course you want him to say that.”

    Ok, but then doesn’t that make it an expectation, and, therefore, Leaning Forward?

    I am not trying to be difficult here — I just want to GET this!

    I appreciate your help.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:45pm

  393. 393: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I feel weird hearing you say you love and accept me when I also hear you saying that you think I am controlling, and manipulating and decimating your heart.

    If I thought someone was doing all those things to me I would feel pissed. I would feel like attacking them and making them wrong. I would feel livid.

    Right now I don’t feel triggered though because I know nobody can control me and manipulate me. I feel confident in my power.

    All of a sudden I am reminded of something my mom told me when I was a kid…

    “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”

    wow! I feel so appreciative of my mom for sharing that. Wow, I feel so relieved that words can never hurt me. Awwww, I feel relaxing in my belly. I feel peaceful. I feel at ease. I feel open.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:46pm

  394. 394: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Amber, yes, I feel my own need around it. How would you rephrase it?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:46pm

  395. 395: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy:

    he actually wasn’t sure he was into me at that time. He had some resistance due to some things he heard about me from my ex. He had some fear.

    In my experience, men love hearing that we feel attracted to them. What they don’t seem to like is when we are radiating a vibe of insecurity but not acknowledging it. All they know is something feels off and we don’t feel authentic to them. But feeling insecure and acknowledging it, they can relate to that. They feel insecure too. And wow! How cool is it that we feel confident enough to express it. That’s where the emotional connection comes in.

    …in my experience, that is.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:55pm

  396. 396: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Last week, my therapist suggested I be more vulnerable with him. She used that word, too. I feel confused about how to be more vulnerable without pursuing, chasing, leaning forward, rowing.

    I feel scared that I will push him away.

    I feel scared that the writing on the wall already says he doesn’t want me.

    I feel scared that someone on here will chew me out for talking about a man who isn’t in front of me.

    I feel hopeful that I will be received here with love and compassion and understanding about my baby steps.

    I feel a little angry and confused about why he bothered to email me about his nephew if he’s not really interested in me. I don’t want men to be “friendly” and “nice” just to try to avoid hurting my feelings about what’s really true.

    Oh. Mirror.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:56pm

  397. 397: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so attracted to you and i feel insecure and scared. so i find myself trying to play it cool. i feel so vulnerable. what do u think ?

    for me this part: and sad that it seems you are not as attracted to me.

    That feels like me judging me based on my own stuff… So that part feels like me making it about him

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:58pm

  398. 398: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I hear you saying that you feel lonely, and isolated, deep sadness, and unsafe.

    I wish for all of us that we can feel connected to the love that is God and know that we are safe regardless of what words people say to us. Our safety doesn’t depend on the words of others. Our safety comes from our connection to our own higher power, whatever we choose to call it.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 1:58pm

  399. 399: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy- I feel very protective of you now. I feel like you are being so open and WITH yourself. I like that feeling. I feel safe to be me while you are being so you. Does that make sense?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:01pm

  400. 400: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, LG, that is soooo helpful!!!!

    Exciting — and scary as hell, too! My heart started pounding reading what you wrote.

    “he actually wasn’t sure he was into me at that time. He had some resistance due to some things he heard about me from my ex. He had some fear.”

    WH hasn’t heard anything about me from third parties, but it did occur to me that certain things in our date convo could be a little scary for a man — like me being a cancer survivor, and my daughter’s illness, etc. Even the fact that he could never eat shellfish when he wants to kiss me cuz of my life-threatening allergy. lol.

    I also sense fear in him around women in general, because of being left so suddenly by his wife.

    And, I’ve read so many places that if a man is gonna want you, he will be sure of it IMMEDIATELY — but that has not been your experience, so apparently it is not always true.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:02pm

  401. 401: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    And I feel the confusion and uncertainty about him contacting you. I feel like mirrors are everywhere and maybe he is a mirror of your confusion? I feel happy when I think about all the men I know (and the ones I’ve read) that say a man wont do what he doesn’t want to do.

    So no matter what it MEANS, he wanted to contact you.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:04pm

  402. 402: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Lucy- I feel very protective of you now. I feel like you are being so open and WITH yourself. I like that feeling. I feel safe to be me while you are being so you. Does that make sense?”

    Aww, Amber, that feels really good to hear! I feel glad that you feel safe, too!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:05pm

  403. 403: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    “New Sirens –

    When you bare your hearts here, prepare to be decimated.”

    my personal reframe

    new sirens – when you come here, prepare to be triggered for the higher purpose of your own healing just as in real life.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:05pm

  404. 404: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess – to me, words do have the power to hurt and heal, energetically..

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:05pm

  405. 405: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Amber: “I feel so attracted to you and i feel insecure and scared. so i find myself trying to play it cool. i feel so vulnerable. what do u think ?

    for me this part: and sad that it seems you are not as attracted to me.

    That feels like me judging me based on my own stuff… So that part feels like me making it about him”

    yes I agree. I would leave that part out

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:07pm

  406. 406: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: “And, I’ve read so many places that if a man is gonna want you, he will be sure of it IMMEDIATELY — but that has not been your experience, so apparently it is not always true.”

    I think they will have an initial feeling of attraction for us but then their minds may bring up some fears that they choose to overcome based on how attracted they feel.

    Ummmm, I dunno if that made sense. Lemme know if it doesn’t.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:10pm

  407. 407: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly: riff it out here baby!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:12pm

  408. 408: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “i feel so attracted to you and i feel insecure and scared. so i find myself trying to play it cool. i feel so vulnerable. what do u think ?”

    And that’s really NOT leaning forward? Even if I want him to want me back?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:13pm

  409. 409: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Like Daria said, though, of COURSE I want him to want me back.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:14pm

  410. 410: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Barb in Oz…just try posting on the newest thread….we’ll get there soon! lol….

    Welcome dear one to this place where you will sometimes feel violent anger like an Aztec warrior gonna rip out someone’s heart, and then you will find that it was your heart ripping out of your chest over something someone said on here…..and your heart will heal, and your heart will change and reshape and your life will change and reshape….and there are tools, and not scary baby steps for all that….here….welcome, dear one, welcome!

    KS—-you get it out of your body….punch a pillow, scream, do jumping jacks, sit with it…just don’t sit ON it….

    xox,
    J

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:15pm

  411. 411: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Gotta go take a shower and get ready to meet Brenda for dinner and movie. Oops, just realized how late it is!!! Sorry Brenda!!!!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:16pm

  412. 412: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: re: 413

    I get what you are saying yet I feel powerful when I acknowledge that I get to choose whether those words affect me or not. I can let the good feeling, healing ones in and let the not so good feeling ones go if I so choose. I don’t have to accept the negative ones as truth in the same way that I don’t have to accept my NV’s as truth.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:17pm

  413. 413: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy- for me it feels like you OWN that want. You’re not trying to GET something from him or making him responsible.

    because yeah- you feel it. And you’re okay with these feelings.

    cr@p.

    boy voice. Sorry

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:20pm

  414. 414: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: re 417

    nope not leaning forward!

    I feel excited!

    In that situation I would also really work on feeling confident in myself, and trusting that God is sending my mirror, my match. Trusting that if he does have a reaction other than what I want, then I’m better off knowing now because he’s not the right man for me. Trusting that God wouldn’t send someone to me that’s going to break my heart. Just really trusting in the divine alignment of it all.

    That’s what I would do.

    Thanks for letting us explore this with you. It’s been really fun!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:23pm

  415. 415: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oooh yes. when im being me a man feels safe to be him.

    i feel good with this.

    Lucy – i feel excited. my statement is not lean forward if hes reaching out to me first. any kind of reaching out to me is an inquiry into my feelings.

    him reaching out to you is showing interest, …. arrow… how do you feel receiving his arrow? no feeling is better than another…

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:30pm

  416. 416: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I felt good reading Mercedes’ post today. After releasing the anger from my old memories, I feel more accepting of letting her and everyone else work thru all this whatever way feels good to them.

    I notice how good it feels when other people say, ‘this is my issue, it’s not your fault.’ I notice how that opens up space for me to accept them as they are.

    I notice how good it feels when I say, ‘this is my issue, it’s not your fault.’ I notice how that feels open and spacious and loving to me.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:32pm

  417. 417: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so self conscious about my butt. i feel afraid it looks manly.

    i dont want my butt to look manly.

    i think it looks manly.

    i feel ashamed.

    i love my shame
    .
    ilove my felings

    i love myself

    i love my butt

    i love my manliness
    .

    i llve myself

    i feel disappinted

    i love my midisappoinment

    i love my huff

    i love my squeeze

    i love my feeling humiliated
    i love my humiliation

    i love my tightness in my back, in my butt, in my hamstringgs, in my pelvis

    i love that im not soft and receptive as a woman there

    i love that im hard, boylike, stiff, raped?

    i feel weird

    i love my werid feelings

    weird puictures

    ugh
    i love mhy weirdness

    i love my hunched over shameness

    ashamed of my butt my sexuality my notenoughness
    i love my notenoughness

    i loveme no matter what you say

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:33pm

  418. 418: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this is my issue, its not your fault

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:38pm

  419. 419: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i thought it would feel like lying, but it doesnt really

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:38pm

  420. 420: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this is my issue, its not your fault you killed me
    **

    in love

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:38pm

  421. 421: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i still feel furiously angry and like kicking your ass, and you know

    thats my issue

    i dont want to do that

    and i dont want to feel this way

    and i know i feel angry at myself

    for putting myself in this situation

    and i dont want to be here anymore

    bye

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:40pm

  422. 422: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this is my meditation

    being by myself and being on blog

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:41pm

  423. 423: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I notice how relieved men are when I say, ‘This is my sensitivity. It’s not your fault.’

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:47pm

  424. 424: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Daria :)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:53pm

  425. 425: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly:

    ooooo I feel weird. I didn’t mean baby as in infant, I meant baby as in loved one.

    Riffing is a Rori tool where we really get present with our feelings. I believe she has posts about it in the self-esteem section of the blog.

    Daria practices it a lot, I try to, many of us do it here. And as we do it we often find an underlying limiting belief or uncover other emotions.

    It’s a way of expressing your anger and getting it out without having to process endlessly with him.

    Example: I feel so f!cking pissed right now. My back feels clenched up, my fists tight. And now I feel rageful, my eyes popping out of my head. I feel so livid. I love my anger.

    I’ll try to find a link to the posts about it.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:55pm

  426. 426: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Yaaaaay!! I’m leaving my job. I’m following my dream and my passion. Just like I help my clients do :) I feel soooooo happy :)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:56pm

  427. 427: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I second that … Feel go deep with Amber posts …

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 2:59pm

  428. 428: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Post #426 = riffing.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:00pm

  429. 429: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ifeel excited for you Erika. I feel a desire to celebrate!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:03pm

  430. 430: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly –

    your EX is aJERK! sorry! still processing there… reminds me of MY EX

    I just told him WHy are you callin me and I dont want to talk to you anymore.

    And now remembering why.

    tho i love him

    i wish he would act good.

    i dont want to accept being treated bad, even from a man i love lik ehim

    id write him

    … I dont like being talked to this way. I dont want to talk anymore. Bye.

    (PS – BETYA he STILL writes back, hes PURSUING!! but with CRAP, because he thinks it will GET YOU.

    Tell him…. I don’t like this arrow , it feels bad. Love you. bye

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:06pm

  431. 431: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Then all he has to do is change arrows!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:07pm

  432. 432: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    or you can tell him

    ohh that feels so bad. i feel like crying. I DONT LIKE feeling this way. I Dont want to talk to you anymore right now. AND I DONT LIKE BEING TALKED TO THIS WAY.

    and then don’t respond to any text at all until he says something that gives u at least an inkling of good feeling

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:08pm

  433. 433: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly: what I hear him saying is he feels overwhelmed with hearing your feelings. All the more reason to riff here and give him some space. Give yourself some space. Oh yes, giving space is feels quite effective with men. It’s a language they seem to understand.

    I feel resonate with having emotions of anger followed by amusement. It just all feels so silly to me sometimes…even in a moment of intense anger sometimes I’ll just step outside of myself and laugh at how we are all triggering each other and doing this dance when all we really want is to love and be loved.

    It feels good to be able to smile about it.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:11pm

  434. 434: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you so much, LB … my heart, my soul, and my feminine energy all breathed A GIGANTIC SIGH OF RELIEF TODAY …

    It was a lot of factors, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence … last week a friend and fellow coach signed up for his first HBR session with me. He wants to quit his job by end of September. We tapped all his issues, and he now has MOTIVATION like he’s never had before. He’s on fire :) and meanwhile, it seems that my mind went, “me too,” I choose to quit too … lol :)

    LG, I feel intrigued to pick up our conversation again about walk aways. I think the line is how present can I be, and the baby step is … can I choose to hold space a little longer this time so that even if I walk away I’m doing it a little bit later in the process of getting into this unconscious karmic loop than I usually do? Can I hold space even just a little bit longer before the trauma response overwhelms me and we lapse into fighting? That sort of thing … that resonate with you?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:12pm

  435. 435: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    oops, LG, not LB … lol :)

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 3:13pm

  436. 436: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    RE# 66-67,

    Yep…!! Sometimes I feel like my hormones are overwhelming me, coz yesterday too we had sex, but then I try to lean back and let him come to him, even last night he didn’t call, as he didn’t had balance in his cell, but I still tried to stay away and do my own thing… I’m doing the Rori’s let go tool.. It’s helping me immensely…… It feels bad to hold on to someone, the best person to hold on, is me…..

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 8:52pm

  437. 437: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon

    RE#

    I felt quite anxious and frustrated that very moment, but the lean-back and let go tool did help me relax…. I agree with you when you say, a call is just a date on phone…..

    I try let go tool several times a day…. It feels good….

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 8:59pm

  438. 438: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina

    RE# 72,

    I believe in destiny and fate and I agree with you totally when you say, “If you are supposed to be together you will..”

    I am trying to show him that I won’t accept less than what I want,and that I have dignity and self respect, and don’t want to be taken for granted….

    But sometimes when hormones take over, it becomes the most difficult task… I feel scared often might not I become the same girl as 1 year ago, who was willing to do anything to be with the man she had sex with…

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:04pm

  439. 439: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    I only moved house 6 weeks ago and I have SOOO much unpacking and fixing up to do, it is 2pm Saturday afternoon and I am sitting here in my pj’s and reading and reading Rori’s blogs and all the incredible input from you sirens, and I have decided that today is my day of rest, to read and learn and to DO nothing, just to be………….

    This feels good…………..the unpacking and fixing up can wait, I need the stuff on here WAY MORE than I need the stuff I am surrounded by :D

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:06pm

  440. 440: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    lovely lady

    RE#82

    I didn’t knew that book can be found in Indian bookstores until I found it out yesterday at Oxford…. Today I plan to buy it, if all goes well….

    I also heard about “The elastic rubber band theory” by Matthew Boggs, but gotta admit it feels truly scary when a man pulls away, like one day he had sex with you, and didn’t call at night, it feels pretty scary, like we had sex yesterday and he didn’t called me at night, but i didn’t chase him and kept my ground and slept….

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 9:12pm

  441. 441: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: re 446

    ya, I do resonate with what you are saying and I feel excited about the next baby step of staying present for longer without going in to trauma response. I do, however, still feel quite excited with the walk away tool. It feels great to take a step in the right direction and I did find myself feeling quite a bit less triggered after taking some space.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:12pm

  442. 442: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly: re 448

    I can completely relate to what you said about after years of feeling numb, giving a name to the feelings can feel like an avalanche. That why riffing feels so helpful to me because it gives me a chance to get clear on the feelings on my own (or with us) rather than overwhelm him with my feelings.

    Also, In my experience, it’s more about the vibe we radiate vs the words we say. The words can help us get clear…sort of like in the 4 agreements and being impeccable with our word. But ultimately it’s our vibe he is picking up on. So, it feels possible to me that we could say nothing to him but work on getting our vibe in a place of feeling good and he would pick up on that.

    How does that feel to you?

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:19pm

  443. 443: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Barbinoz: re:452

    ooooo, that feels good to read…choosing to take care of yourself rather than doing, doing, doing.

    I have been feeling kinda overwhelmed with all that I keep telling myself that I SHOULD be doing (I really don’t like shoulds). It feels good when I tell myself

    No worries, it will all get done in it’s own time.
    No need to rush, time is just an illusion anyway.
    It’s not really about doing things, it’s about removing my resistance to letting good things in.
    As I get more clear with myself I will be manifesting what I want more and more easily.

    Ahhh, that feels like relief.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:25pm

  444. 444: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #419 Thanks for the welcome Jacqueline, I was getting a bit worried as I read down the blog and saw what I thought was some kind of fight going on, I don’t really like to do that anymore well not since I got divorced anyway!!

    LG Yes sometimes it feels good to just do NOTHING and I am trying to learn how to BE as I am such a doer!!

    As I have been sitting here all day reading the blog, drinking cups of tea and eating a few chocolate biscuits :) I can see down the hallway to the spare bedroom window and a black bird has flown into that window pane at least 10 times today!! It’s freaking me out a bit to be honest………

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:42pm

  445. 445: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    p.s. I can’t for the life of me figure out how you change your avatar???????

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 10:42pm

  446. 446: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, RE: #401 – You said, “Brenda: I feel weird hearing you say you love and accept me when I also hear you saying that you think I am controlling, and manipulating and decimating your heart.

    If I thought someone was doing all those things to me I would feel pissed. I would feel like attacking them and making them wrong. I would feel livid.”

    I don’t feel, think, and function the same way you do. I am capable of holding conflicting feelings in my heart simultaneously. I love unconditionally.

    I feel hurt and misunderstood, and I love you and accept you exactly the way you are.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:04pm

  447. 447: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Barb,

    Go to avatar dot com and it will give you step by step prompts.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:05pm

  448. 448: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, You said, “new sirens – when you come here, prepare to be triggered for the higher purpose of your own healing just as in real life.”

    With a lot of tendency to be triggered, many people on here are totally vulnerable to manipulation. I am not going to do this, because it is outside of my M.O. But I could come on this blog as an unknown person and start saying nasty things. I could have a whole crew of people on here rising and falling at my command simply by touching your many trigger buttons. There are so many pet peeves on here. My original point on the Why He Disappeared thread was totally missed.

    All fingers pointed at me so no one would have to notice that I was not the only one with a headlight out.

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:14pm

  449. 449: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Mojan, Hi, my programs are actual, physical programs – CD or DVD – so they’ll come to you in the mail…If you have any questions, email my customer service at Rori@HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com – they’re wonderful and fast and will take good care of you…Let me know how they work for you….Love, Rori

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:28pm

  450. 450: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy and I saw Eat, Pray, Love tonight after going out to a fancy restaurant! I CDed a Siren! Yay! It was fun!

    I really liked the movie, and Julia Roberts did an awesome job! My favorite part was when they were all sitting around the table laughing and talking just before she left Italy.

    Now I want to read the book more than ever!

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:41pm

  451. 451: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I try to read through as many as I can of the days comments a couple of times a day…and jump in quickly if there’s anyone just trying to push buttons…I haven’t seen it in a very, very long time – seems to me there’s a real community here, and sometimes buttons get pushed, and sometimes there are hurt feelings…and I’m here —so let me know if you’re feeling ambushed or anything I should know about…I am so in awe of all of you…just gorgeous insights, words, poetry, feelings…that I love – and I can’t even imagine seeing nasty things here…there were so many comments on that Why..thread…would you like to tell me what you wanted to get across and what the headlight out is? I’d like to throw a beautiful blanket of love and protection over everyone – and can’t always – but we can go back and work through things…Love, Rori

    Friday, 27 August 2010 @ 11:44pm

  452. 452: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    I saw Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah just after last Christmas when I was on holiday and she said something like

    “Get a backbone not a wishbone”

    and that struck such a chord with me as I had been procrastinating about dieting and exercising, so much so that I went out and bought the Body For Life books and have so far done 4 x 12 week programmes :D

    I REALLY warmed to her personality on Oprah.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:30am

  453. 453: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I couldn’t get that avatar thing worked out but thanks so much for taking the time anyway. :)

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:31am

  454. 454: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: re 460 and 462

    Hi Brenda. I feel frustrated because I want to be heard also. I don’t want to continue this with you because it seems like we are just going in circles and I feel unsure of what to say so that you can hear me and know that I am not trying to hurt you. I want to encourage you to embrace your anger. I can feel it. I believe at least two other sirens yesterday said they can feel it.

    I don’t feel resonance with being a victim. I don’t feel resonance with being a manipulator and controller. I don’t feel able to say the right words that will speak to you. I don’t know how to say the right words to communicate to you that I am actually trying to help.

    I encourage you to really get present with your feelings of anger towards Ryan. I feel hopeful that would shift some of this depression you are feeling.

    It feels really bad to interact with someone who is claiming to be a victim. I don’t believe you are a victim and capable of being manipulated…unless you choose to do so.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 7:41am

  455. 455: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    LG, #445, yeah I hear ya … and how about this … knowing that walking away is an option can actually give me the confidence to stay present a little longer because I know I have another option to turn to if I need it … not unlike circular dating knowing I have dozens of men in my life … increases my confidence and my willingness to experiment and “take risks” …

    I’m going to take a stab at empathizing with Brenda … I’m not feeling it now, but at one point a couple of threads back, I also was feeling like I was living on “Eggshell Island.” That’s when I was saying how it felt suffocating to me. Like it wasn’t okay for me to be myself with my own communication style and no matter what I said it seemed to be triggering to lots of people.

    That’s when bringing in the idea of “listening space” was really helpful for me, to pause before reacting to someone else was saying, and check out my assumptions, and get quiet, and see whether somewhere in what they were saying I could actually hear, underneath that, an invitation to connect … and suddenly I started hearing invitations to connect everywhere.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 7:45am

  456. 456: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    lol, “take a stab” sounds violent … haha how about I’m going to take a soft feather duster of empathy here …?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 7:46am

  457. 457: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Rori: I feel relief that you are offering to step in. I feel confused and frustrated. I feel really stuck in this situation with Brenda. I feel so bad when someone is claiming to be a victim. I feel confused when someone claims to be hurt and misunderstood because those aren’t feelings to me, those are accusations.

    I feel stuck because the words I’m saying obviously aren’t helping and I don’t know what to do. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 7:52am

  458. 458: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Erika…yes, I feel resonance with what you said.

    I feel at a loss for words right now. I feel empty and frustrated.

    I feel open to hearing more from you if you feel inspired to share.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:01am

  459. 459: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Ladies,

    I unsubscribed from these threads. I have enjoyed my time here very much, and now that I’m leaving my job especially, I need to turn my focus back to stuff that is going to support me financially in this new endeavor.

    I would like to offer something from an HBR perspective that may help Sirens understand each other a little better in this current tension here.

    Part of the reason feeling messages are so effective is that people really can feel each others’ feelings. I can do this consciously, but EVERYONE is doing it unconsciously. That’s why if I am holding unconscious anger in my body, people will seem to be attacking me. Anger attracts attack. Guilt attracts attack. Fear attracts attack.

    So if we move to the level of feeling messages, we have become TRANSPARENT and CONSCIOUS about something that was already happening at an unconscious level. And it makes it way easier to connect.

    What many people don’t understand is that beliefs are also feeling messages, but they are usually unconscious. What I mean by this is that judgments, victim beliefs, and attack beliefs, always have fear, anger, guilt, shame coiled up inside of them. So if one person says “I was done wrong,” a person who is attuned to feelings will feel the anger, guilt, shame, and sadness that is coiled up in that belief, even if the person speaking has dissociated himself or herself from the feelings.

    This is where we get a disconnect. The listener hears and feels anger, while the speaker is not yet feeling the feelings because at some point in the past she cut herself off from her feelings because they were too painful.

    This is why it is so helpful to get people into something like an HBR session where the dark energy behind the beliefs can be released. Once that happens, the beliefs transform spontaneously to better feeling beliefs. Judgment dissolves, and true forgiveness arises spontaneously.

    I feel a little nervous sharing this in the midst of a lot of anger and tension, but I’m doing it anyway … I’d be happy to help anyone who wants to release all this crap out of their energy system and get rid of anger, neediness, victim mentality, frustration, etc. You all know where to find me. As I said before, I can help women make quantum leaps in being able to follow Rori’s advice congruently and have a seamless feminine vibe.

    If you’re concerned about the price tag, remember, I can help you with financial beliefs as well, so that you start attracting money to pay for coaching with me, to purchase ALL of Rori’s programs (instead of saying, as I often hear on here, “I want them all but can only afford one”), and start living the life of your dreams NOW. And yes that was a shameless plug for HBR *and* Rori’s programs, lol. :)

    Until soon,
    Erika

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:11am

  460. 460: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooo Erika: I feel weird asking you to share more. I know you shared a lot.

    I feel really stuck with victim talk. As you said in another thread you didn’t feel attacked or defended because that’s of the ego.

    I feel stuck when someone is claiming to be a victim when their words feel really quite aggressive.

    Blah, this feels so bad.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:23am

  461. 461: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: we are cross posting again.

    Thanks for sharing that. I feel sad that you may be leaving but I also feel excited that you are pursuing your dreams.

    I’m soaking in what you said. It feels really profound. Thank you for sharing.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:27am

  462. 462: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I feel ready to drop this and live in peace. I see that you are taking baby steps. I feel proud of you for doing that. I really don’t want to debate or argue with you.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 9:01am

  463. 463: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    LG,
    :) yayy!!! I want the whole world to know I received the Dog Whisperer materials you mailed me. I am feeling supercharged and engrossed in the book already. I made note of the page#127 about boundaries…..and oddly Oprah’s dog, Sophie….which is a hoot because I almost named my baby(puppy)sofie…..because she looks like a sofie :) awesome feelings!!!! I’ve always been pretty dominant and “alpha” but today I feel energized satya alpha….if that makes sense:) i am going on a mini vacay(vacation) so a lot the viewing will be postponed until Monday but…Thank you!!! The book bonus is fantabulous! I love books and it’s portable for the railroad/subway. I feel like the …..new….
    Pink Puppy General!!!!

    This is going to be an exciting addition to The Nikita Show!

    I feel almost inspired to email you a picture of the puppy and name you virtual auntie Laughinggoddess :)

    But I’m going to take it slow ….my belief is family is like coffee….it shouldn’t be instant!

    Lol!!! Omg…ok….off to the DVD player! Yay!!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 9:52am

  464. 464: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Nikita! I feel so happy hearing that you are happy with the package!

    I’m glad you like the book too. I had the feeling to include it at the last minute.

    I would be honored to receive a picture of the pup and I would love to share a picture of mine as well.

    Yay yay yay!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:24am

  465. 465: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel at peace. I feel relieved and relaxed. Erika, your post #473 was extremely helpful for me. I want to deeply express my gratitude for you taking the time to post that.

    Rori, I asked for your help earlier and now it’s not really feeling necessary. Of course I would love love love to hear from you but I’m feeling okay about it all. I feel at peace. I feel a much deeper understanding now.

    Erika, at one point I said I wouldn’t feel comfortable coming to you for sessions based on how you were expressing yourself here and that has changed for me. I feel open now. I am interested in having a session with you when I return from my trip and I really appreciate your efforts at finding a way to communicate so that I could hear your message.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:38am

  466. 466: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel excited about taking the next baby step for me which is practicing empathy. When people are expressing themselves through explanations, I want to tune in to the feelings behind them. This is a big part of NVC also.

    So of someone is saying I feel hurt or misunderstood, I will translate it in my head as …

    I feel angry (or whatever feeling it may be) because my need for understanding isn’t being met.

    Yes, this feels good. Empathy…reading between the lines.

    Yay for empathy!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:56am

  467. 467: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, RE: #465 – Thank you, Rori!

    You said to let you know, but I am not sure how to contact you so you will see my message. I often feel hurt and vulnerable on this blog. I often consider not posting here anymore. I have been helped tremendously, so I continue, taking the fruit and leaving the seeds, as it were.

    Sometimes there are nasty words spoken, and sometimes I just feel controlled like I can’t be myself, even after you said about a month ago that these are tools, not hard fast rules.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:58am

  468. 468: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel jealous auntie LG may have a session with Erika! I feel left out!!!! Darn it!! Ok breathe……. I have a session with the dog whisperer :) feeling happy about that…..

    Yay!!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:00am

  469. 469: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, RE: #468 – Thank you for communicating. I think we are one step closer to being on the same page. Right now I don’t have much time to write.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:00am

  470. 470: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    Yayy for Shameless Plugs!!!!!!

    yay….. :)

    Happy trails …. ;)

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:05am

  471. 471: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I feel a little skeptical reading your post. I feel resistance to being on the same page. I don’t necessarily want to be on the same page. I want to accept each other being on our own pages.

    When I read “being on the same page” I feel worried thinking you what you really are saying is “LG is finally going to see I am right and agree with me and I win”.

    Is that what you are saying? I’m open to the possibility that I am misunderstanding your words so I am asking for clarity…when you have time.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:11am

  472. 472: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    If you mean “being on the same page” in the sense that we BOTH want to be heard, and understood, and feel safe, then yes I would like that.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:20am

  473. 473: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    It would really feel good for me to have a sense of equality between us. An understanding that neither one of us is the perpatrator or the victim. I know I have said some things that have made you think you aren’t safe or understood and it would feel really great to hear an acknowledgement that your words may have had that effect on me as well.

    I do believe that you didn’t intentionally try to hurt me with your words just as I didn’t intentionally try to hurt you. Yet the words still felt bad from both of our perspectives.

    It felt really bad to hear you say that I was emotionally abusing Erika. That felt really bad. She herself has said that she didn’t feel abused. She herself has said that she was wanting to find a way to communicate her message in a way that could be heard and I feel happy that I was able to help her with that. She expressed appreciation for my feedback and I feel really great about the learning that we gained from each other. I feel in a really great space with Erika.

    But just yesterday you said that she was being emotionally abused and that feels so bad to hear when something really good came out of our interaction.

    I’m wondering, can you hear my feelings on this and understand my perspective?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:47am

  474. 474: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    And I would like to offer you empathy for what I am imagining you were feeling.

    I’m imagining that you felt scared and disturbed when you read the intensity of the words being exchanged on that thread. And you felt angry when you remembered intense moments that you have had in your life.

    And I’m imagining that you feel really sad and frustrated here sometimes when you are expressing yourself and you don’t get the response you would like. I can imagine it feels frustrating to be taking baby steps and getting feedback that you can do better when what you really want to hear is encouragement.

    And I imagine it feels really scary here sometimes especially if you’re not accustomed to being vulnerable.

    My understanding though is that being vulnerable is one of Rori’s main messages for us. Soft on the outside (vulnerable) , strong on the inside…meaning no one can make us a victim or take our power away.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:09pm

  475. 475: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Right now I’m feeling a lot of resonance with the bible saying be careful about pointing out the sliver in another’s eye when you have a log in your own.

    I feel certain that if I wanted to, I accuse you of being abusive to me. I could say that your words ” I could have a whole crew of people on here rising and falling at my command simply by touching your many trigger buttons.” are a threat.

    I’m not going to because I don’t resonate with being a victim. I’m just pointing it out with the hopes that you will see that it’s all a matter of perspective.

    I want to be equals with you Brenda. I want for us both to be two women that are doing our best and learning and growing.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:29pm

  476. 476: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess, hi Ive been *thinking about what you asked, the song I mean. I dont know if I can EXPLAIN :) why the song appeals to me but i’ll try. first i can sing it , i like the melody, its a story, I feel reflective, about action, a moment, time, NOW, my curiousity about things, feeling crazy? dunno, got to work on it some more thanks :) kinda reminds me of the “out the window” tool too :) Ive never lived in a suburb, i live on the rez, the closest ive come to living in a suburb is a trailor park :)

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:31pm

  477. 477: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I want for my needs to be heard and understood to be met. I’m willing to do that for you Brenda. Are you willing to do that for me?

    Ok, I’m done. I feel weird and worried that I highjacked this thread. Thank you all for understanding and giving me the space to express myself!!!!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:35pm

  478. 478: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, everybody….I am posting on newest page and feeling like that rage KS was talking about….please help????? Thanks and hugs,
    J

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:39pm

  479. 479: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Awww Tina. I feel great hearing you get back to me about the song and I like hearing what you like about it. I felt confused about the ending of the song…what it meant. My understanding was that she spent her life daydreaming about what she didn’t have but once she reached her hand out to the man in front of her, her dream of riding through the streets of Paris were met.

    I feel curious if that’s how you interpreted it?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:40pm

  480. 480: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Tina: will you refresh my memory on the out the window tool?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:42pm

  481. 481: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I think I would feel cool in paris :) yeah, im not feeling crazy about the last part of the song. I feel jumped :) like what the hell, what happened in between? I feel confused too.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:52pm

  482. 482: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I found FOREVER in a laundry mat in downtown montreal.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 12:56pm

  483. 483: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess, Ill look for it , I cant really explain it, I would feel like im leading you down the some weird interpretation of Tinas Window tool :)

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 1:12pm

  484. 484: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ok Tina. No worries. I don’t want you to do extra work to find it. I’d feel satisfied with Tina’s version of the window tool.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 1:25pm

  485. 485: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Im working on my posture, and floating my arms around. I am recogizing pain in my lower back. Im avoiding it and treating myself bad. I put my feet up on my desk with all my body weight on my tailbone ouch. why am i putting my body in positions that feel painful to me. I want to feel good, I sit up straight and stretch in positions that make my back feel good and my neck too. nothing hurts that way, why am i doing this to myself.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 1:26pm

  486. 486: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I’m catching up here, and I just read your post about Fab Kisser bailing on the intimacy through sex deal. I feel bad because you feel bad. :( Holding you in my heart in prayer. <3

    This line really grabbed my attention: "How can I not be tied to the outcome if he's the one who can give me what I want?"

    I feel both resonance and confusion reading that — a question I have asked myself as well. I admire your bravery in asking it "out loud." The answer is always "supposed to be" that we are to give OURSELVES what we want and need — but how can we give ourselves what we want when what we want is the physical form of a man?

    <3
    Lucy

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 4:33pm

  487. 487: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh! I just read your next post! “I really want to puke for having written those words out loud.”

    I feel glad that you did. I feel closer to you because of those words. I feel safer asking the same kinds of questions myself, and having the same kinds of wants and needs. <3

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 4:34pm

  488. 488: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @LG – you here?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 4:59pm

  489. 489: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ‘kay, I’m off cuz I’m getting accused of being “addicted…” smile…

    LG – I feel badly for you – Brenda and I have emailed so we are good….but I can tell this is a downer for you and I cannot for the life of me see how you with your genuine and authentic feeling messages could have gotten caught up in this???? I don’t even know how/when it started. But I think that if we give Brenda the benefit of the doubt she means on the same page by honoring each of your truths. I hope she’ll post here this thing she wrote me about being open to all religions and truths – it was very cool.

    Anyway, are you playing again? Hope you feel better…..

    and write soon so we know you are ok!

    Hi! Tina and Lucy!!!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 5:17pm

  490. 490: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    To all….wow the Erika thing feels….unfinished? like I just got started and she’s gone? like we started dinner and she went to the ladies room and never came back? ugh….

    feeling very incomplete E if you’re around????!!!! Tap it out for me?

    Hugs!
    Jacqueline

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 5:19pm

  491. 491: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline – Erika always does this. She leaves early from the party. She’ll be back later – later later.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 5:35pm

  492. 492: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    hey guys…once again..thanks for the support.
    I have a funny story to tell y’all.
    Well, parts are funny..parts are scary..parts are interesting.
    And confusing
    Money friend’s egagement party was nice. I was totally the best dressed girl there besides her. She did the speech I outlined for her and thanked me personally in the speech for helping her out.
    Then we all went out to the bar.
    The local bar.
    There was a group of her other friends. A swinger couple that have a relationship I totally envy..maybe not the swinger part, but the part where they have thier relationship worked out.
    He’s an alpha male. She prefers to be what she calls submissive. But shes not. They are a rori couple. He looks after her totally, even shops for her cause she hates it. He helped her get her shoes on and then me to get mine on, brought drinks all night was everything we talk about looking for. It was fantastic to watch and be around. All she had to do was look at him and he found out what it was she wanted and got it.
    Then he and I had a talk about alpha males. I said as far as I was concerned there were more betas out in the world strutting around trying to be alphas than real alphas. He agreed. We talked about how B used to punish me if stuff didnt’ go his way and used to throw tantrums and ignore me and not look after me.
    He said he sees it alot. Men who are not raised to be men. And he’s the youngest of a well to do family who by his own admission was spoiled rotten by his mother.
    I guess it must be more of an inside job to be a man than I thought.
    I figured it was mostly a nurture thing…ie how they were raised etc. But if this guy could choose…well then I guess others could choose.
    Then there was another guy in the bar.
    He is an MP..military police. He was half asses stalking money friend. He was trying to convice money friednd’s tiny mexican friend that she needed to go home in an MP squad car cause she was drunk. But she was not.
    Interestingly enough…he gave me the willies. Not just for the stalking thing. But while we were standing talking I got a chill in my gut. Down deep.
    It LOOKED like taking care of her cause he husband is an MP and away but it FELT BAD. REALLY BAD.
    I am going to process that.
    To finish the story..the MPs got to fighting with the bouncers and the whole thing went to hell in a handcart..I ended up having an anxitety attack. Which I have not had since leaving B.
    But the point that keeps sticking in my head…is the one where I kept seeing something that LOOKED good (the taking care of her) but FELT BAD.
    What do you guys think?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 7:45pm

  493. 493: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    and when I messaged playing doctor man on POF and asked him if he had any other skills I should know about he emailed me “loving caring and romance”
    I emailed back “WELL SAID!!”
    He emailed back “I’d like the chance to share them with you”
    I feel wierd now.
    Why do I feel wierd?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 7:52pm

  494. 494: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG RE: #485 – I feel exasperated. I am sick of every little word I write being dissected. All I meant was I am trying to arrive at a mutual understanding. I am just about to give up.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:04pm

  495. 495: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, RE: #487 – No, I don’t think you emotionally abused Erika. I didn’t mean you. I appreciate you making an effort for both of us to feel understood.

    As a whole, I am feeling inhibited on the blog like I have to weigh every word and every letter I put on this blog because I feel unheard or misunderstood at every turn. You don’t get an accurate perception of reality when you assume the worst.

    I don’t know where all this victim perpetrator stuff came from. Not from me. I never said anyone was better than anyone else. I view all people as equals. I view all people as infinitely valuable and precious, because they were created in the image of God and God loves each one of us.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:11pm

  496. 496: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer – yay for noticing your feelings!!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:15pm

  497. 497: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer – I would feel weird too because I’d feel a lil, off balance. Its not something direct and yet he’s interested…

    I would be like… okay…

    I would write…
    okay that would feel nice — or something like that…

    i feel a lil nervous/shy too … i dono if id write that

    blah

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:17pm

  498. 498: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – RE: #488-489 – Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate your effort and your kindness.

    Once again I feel misunderstood. I was making NO threat. I was simply saying if anyone wanted to, that people could be controlled on here because they are so driven by their emotions. I plainly stated I would never do that and that it is outside my M.O.

    I was simply trying to give you the thought that it is not always wise to be so …nevermind. The more I say, the more I’m misunderstood.

    No, this is not a place where it is wise to be vulnerable. This is a place where everyone wants you to say “Everything is fine. I don’t have any problems.” Then we keep a phony form of peace.

    My whole original point was totally missed and all fingers pointed at me.

    Everything is fine! I don’t have any problems!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:19pm

  499. 499: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am home alone.

    I feel angry about this… I have this freakin belief that its not fun to be alone…

    BLAH

    i want to change this belief but i feel scared ill go off happily alone into coo koo land in the jungle woods and never come back

    hallellulaj

    thank you for sharing voice

    yes i feel strangled

    i love you

    sorry for strangling you

    thank you

    you deserve to be heard

    love

    .

    i can change my feelings

    i am magic

    i am magic action

    i enjoy being with myself

    here right now

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:20pm

  500. 500: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – are you feeling triggered?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:22pm

  501. 501: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how are you feeling?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:22pm

  502. 502: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, RE: #493 – I want your needs to be heard and understood on here, too. I don’t feel safe to be putting myself out there because I feel misunderstood left and right.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:24pm

  503. 503: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, lol. Maybe you will go off happily alone into coo koo land in the jungle woods and meet a wonderful jungle man who loves going down on you and loves every part of you …. and never come back and live there happily ever after.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:25pm

  504. 504: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol… i feel so desperate “” to talk about guys going down on me. i feel like a loser who needs to “”jock”" men ugh who doesnt know her worth… ugh”"”

    i feel icky frustrated angry!!!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:28pm

  505. 505: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, do you want to fill in the blank here:

    I feel __________ because I don’t want to be misunderstood.

    Love you!
    Lucy

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:29pm

  506. 506: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks lucy… i wish you were my practitioner and we could erase that belief right now

    sigh… disappointment… no one ever helps me… i am all alone… not this time either… always waiting…

    feel so drained

    i bet body stretch bodywork guy would say its past life trauma stored in my body

    so what!

    i feel angr

    i choose to release my past life trauma now

    and feel safe

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:29pm

  507. 507: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious…

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:30pm

  508. 508: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline,

    RE: #503 – Thank you! Okay, I’ll post what I emailed you…what prompted this is Jacqueline emailing me asking me if I am aware that Erika’s beliefs are not about Je*sus being the Son of God and Savior, while I was endorsing her. Here is how I responded:

    I knew from the door Erika and I have two completely different belief systems! I don’t accept or reject people based on whether they agree with my beliefs. I have friends who are into wicca, Muslims, Jews, you name it. God gave people a free will. I believe everyone has a right to believe, feel, and think the way they want to. I love people unconditionally.

    I was addressing Erika’s words in specific posts. She has a lot of knowledge and insight. I believe all truth is God’s truth.

    I believe Je*sus was God and that He is the only way to God. But many other religions have beliefs that are the same as Christianity or imitate Christianity. It’s kind of complex, but that’s how I am. I am not compromising or being a hypocrite. I am just accepting of people.

    I take the meat and leave the bones. Or, if you’re a vegetarian, I take the fruit and leave the seeds.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:31pm

  509. 509: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am such a LOSER!!!

    how can I expect guys to like me when i am such a LOSER!!!

    and sistting at home alone, and its not even well organizeddd….

    and im bored

    and no one is hanging out with me!!!

    who wants a woman like that!!!

    half crazed with lonelinesS!!!

    whaaaa

    im like Calypso

    omg

    help

    im like a man trap with a cage and a fake smile

    help

    ewe

    i dont want to be this way

    i want to feel happy i swear

    i feel desperate

    i am all crying while my body looks all nanchalant

    yah wow

    i am cooler than a videogame

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:32pm

  510. 510: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I eat bones seeds givem to me all YUM

    i am a hungry mother of earth

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:33pm

  511. 511: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Thanks for asking! Lucy, thanks for your suggestion.

    I feel emotionally unsafe because I don’t want to feel misunderstood. I feel like a scared rabbit ready to run…

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:38pm

  512. 512: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, seriously I want you to write a book. I’m not telling you to do it but I would buy your book if you wrote one. No joke. I lose all sense of myself when I read your stuff. And it’s funny as hell. “I’m cooler than a video game”? LOL!!!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:38pm

  513. 513: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, LOL! Eating bones and seeds! I wish you could have gone with us on our “Siren date” last night…you would have been fun to have along with Lucy and me. What did you think of Eat, Pray, Love? Have you seen or read it yet? We saw it and it was so Sireny!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:40pm

  514. 514: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I second what Shannon said! And please don’t call yourself a loser. You’re cooler than a bottle of sparkling grape juice!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:41pm

  515. 515: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my gosh, Shannon!!! I just had the EXACT same thought, almost word for word!!!! …..

    “Daria, seriously I want you to write a book. I’m not telling you to do it but I would buy your book if you wrote one. No joke. I lose all sense of myself when I read your stuff. And it’s funny as hell. “I’m cooler than a video game”? LOL!!!”

    I was even picturing the words on the pages of her book!!!!

    Curiouser and curiouser……

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:43pm

  516. 516: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey ! Is emotionally unsafe = afraid?? thats what i just got a ding ding on!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:43pm

  517. 517: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer: I agree with Daria. Yeah for noticing your feelings! That’s awesome! Now you’ll recognize that feeling when it comes up again. As to the other guy, what feels weird? That a guy would say he wants to play doctor but then talks about caring and romance? ;-) I’d feel curious about that too.

    Not in a bad way. I’m willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe dude was feeling “fresh” when he emailed about the doctor thing. And now that you replied, he’s already feeling your siren call. Now he wants to lead with nice guy and talk about romance.

    How does that feel?

    Will Jennifer open her heart and tell this guy what she feels?

    Stay tuned… ;-)

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:44pm

  518. 518: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    you guys!

    my skin is glowing, and i have a huge full size mirror,

    and I look like i should be in a Harem,

    but theres no man here!

    AND IM COMPLAINING ABOUT IT WHICH IS A HABIT OF MINE

    — whats going on here? what am ai feeling?

    rushed? excited happy? desiring to share? anxious?? afraid??

    like a lonely firefly?

    help?

    insights?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:47pm

  519. 519: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Like Rori says in her programs:

    because there is no man there, I think im gonna get no love,

    BUT what if I AM gonna get love, and FAST too?

    omg

    i feel like puking

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:48pm

  520. 520: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll just talk about stuff that is vanilla.

    I got a new contact from POF, and he’s the same dude who was talking to me on the phone about 1.5 yrs ago, in Jan 2009, right when my relationship with Ryan was first developing. I wondered, but I knew it was him when I heard his voice, cuz he has this slow, soft bedroom voice on the phone.

    But he has serious, real mommy issues. He was homeless from age 11-15 because his mother was with a violent man who used him as a punching bag and had sex with his sisters. So he was asking me if I’d be his mommy and if I’d protect him. Gross.

    I kept trying to have a normal conversation with him and he kept taking it to a sexual level. I felt like my boundaries were beyond disrespected. He seemed very, very needy. Yuck.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:48pm

  521. 521: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my open heart feels like puking , and like holding all my bones tight and my breath and hoping nothing bad is gonna happen…. like OH!

    that is a familiar feeling… i love my oh! feeling

    i love me

    i love my fear

    i love my melting

    i choose to melt

    i choose to be ok by myself

    i choose to be ok puking feleing y

    i love my puking feeling

    thank u puke

    i am sexy i feel grosee i love my sexy i love my gross i love my anger i love my resistane i love my im gonna beat your ass b8tch anger!! I LOVE MY HEAT i love my hate i love my fury

    FURI?OuuS i love my fuiry furious

    i love my furious fury

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:51pm

  522. 522: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Is 19 still in the picture? Want me to tell him you’re cooler than a video game?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:51pm

  523. 523: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I feel so angry at you!!! I DO NOT want to be harassed… I DO NOT want to feel bad, I DO NOT want to feel guilty… I DO NOT want to feel dragged on… I DO NOT want to feel pulled on… I DO NOT want to feel used… I DO NOT want to feel bad..

    I FEEL ANGRY!!!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 8:52pm

  524. 524: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I wish you could see what I see in LG’s posts to you. What I see is a person who cares. Who really wants you to open up, not close down. I don’t see anger. I don’t see control. I’m not saying you’re wrong. I want you to feel safe. I’m banking on the fact that we’ve had other conversations, and I believe you know I mean you no harm.

    It’s okay if you feel the desire to defend yourself or to push back when you feel overwhelmed or misunderstood or unheard. I feel glad you are protecting yourself. I feel glad you can feel those feelings.

    I would also like to say that as a friend, I’m not going to sit here and shine sunshine up anyone’s butt. I don’t want anyone to do that to me either. I want each of us to heal. If we all sit here and say “everything’s fine, you’re doing great” over and over to everything, NO ONE would ever change. Make sense?

    And you’re right. No one magically heals overnight. It’s a process. And you’re doing great Brenda.

    How does that feel to you? Praying for you Brenda!!

    LG: Thank you for sticking this out with Brenda! I know it feels tough when two people feel misunderstood but I believe you are both healing each other. And that’s what friends do. I continue to feel intrigued by you. Praying for you Laughing Goddess!

    Shannon

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 9:06pm

  525. 525: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow. Daria, that didn’t feel so good to read. I feel confused.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 9:08pm

  526. 526: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Huh? I wasn’t talking with you. I was addressing LGs posts to me. I agree with Shannon, that didn’t feel so good to read. I feel confused.

    I’d rather talk about cool video games, and I’m cooler than rasberry cheesecake.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 9:10pm

  527. 527: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I feel shocked like I just got slapped and did nothing wrong.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 9:26pm

  528. 528: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,

    I read that you were going to avoid anything real (pardon my bad recall) and so you went into ‘plain vanilla’ and started interacting with people (including Daria) and I felt icky- like I wouldn’t want to be part of the plain vanilla fake sh*t.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:02pm

  529. 529: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you saying you feel unsafe. I hear you. I feel sad about that. And angry.

    I feel different here on the blog now. I feel like my biggest challenges and triggers have been my best teachers here. I felt a shift when Erika was here and she & LG were mixing it up, and yet…

    By being in it together something new happened.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:05pm

  530. 530: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I just did a really cool thing…

    sometimes when i have to do a household task, or a multi step care for me task — paint my toes –

    i don’t like to, it feels REALLY EFFORTFUL and i get triggered lots of voices telling me im bad at it, its not fun etc

    i did this wendi friesen hypnosis session,

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A5TX3OaMLQ

    and i used painiting my toes as the activity… and envisioned myself feeling good and powerful taking the steps to pick upt he polish remover, clean up, etc, AND at the and acknowledging myself and feeling Better that i did something myself

    and now im well on my way to painting my toes and feeling GOOD while im doing it!

    yay!

    for taking care of myself and learning to feel good While doing so!

    woo hoo!

    my mom used to brush me asid eand do it herself, i always felt not good enough

    noiw i get to be good enough’

    whooo

    magic

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:06pm

  531. 531: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    My very first post here was because I felt scared for you. For what I read, I thought you were being attacked. But you didn’t need me to stand up for you then, and you don’t need it now.

    WHO CARES IF PEOPLE ATTACK?

    That’s their junk. If they attack, my ONLY job is to ask what I’m feeling, and what I can learn.

    And if I choose to, to respond with my own process and let them have theirs.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:08pm

  532. 532: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    I hear that you want to feel loved. I feel so sad. I want you to feel loved, too.

    And I feel genuine love for you in these posts. It may not look the way love looked in your family or in my family. But I definitely feel love.

    I want to be able to express my SELFISHNESS here. And I want to use my boy voice, because IRL I do use it, and I usually get what I want. But I’m going to back up about ten steps and try to apply the Rori way to myself.

    So ladies, please bear with me, my spamming has only begun.

    PS- Daria- I feel jealous of your boy butt (other post) and your honesty, and that you can paint your toenails, because mine always look like a 5 year old did them. I’m sure I’m jealous of a bunch of other stuff too, but those three things were swimming in my head, so there they are.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:15pm

  533. 533: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Amber Spamming!!

    I feel jealous taht Im DOING my nails… I feel like im still watching someone else, like Tina, actually go thru the “trouble” of doing something like this for herself…

    mmm

    time to use my hypnosis symbol to remind myself how good i now feel doint my toes

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:17pm

  534. 534: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its working… isee golden lil toes and i feel mommy love… my mom used to kiss my toes,, aww

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:18pm

  535. 535: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i made pizza, and put castor oil as mascara on my eyelashes…

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:19pm

  536. 536: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    yay my toenails look done by a 5 yr old too! i feel happy i am not the only one!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:22pm

  537. 537: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i made an oil stain on my egyptian cotton purple sheets.

    this is ok..

    i choose to feel ok about oil stains on my sheets

    mm luxurious oil stains

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:23pm

  538. 538: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! Daria treating her goddess self like the royalty she is!

    Okay- before I head back into it I want to be selfish here and share something I finally GOT.

    Yesterday- on my way home from work I had a total epiphany. I was feeling so light and happy! I was remembering how after I screwed up and over functioned and freaked out and pushed my guy away so hard that he gave me the “bad timing” speech and told me he felt like he just needed to be alone (yeah- I was NEEDY and even I would not have dated me).

    BUT

    I found Rori and I started using her tools and little by little things turned around and I JUST YESTERDAY got what that was.

    It was being an invitation, yes, and also using the Christian Carter stuff, yes, and also

    GIVING MYSELF LOVE IN HIS PRESENCE

    During the time when I felt like my heart was in pieces and I could barely breathe because IT HURT SO BAD, anytime I knew I was going to see him I made sure it was doing something I loved. And even though I was hurting and it took SO MUCH EFFORT to be around him and not just fall apart, I focused on whatever was good. I love music, and being outside in nature and so I went walking with him, because I knew I could feel myself connected to the entire universe if I were out in the starlight and in the woods. And he COULD NOT STAY AWAY. Because I was in love and glowing. Not with HIM, but with LIFE.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:35pm

  539. 539: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies,

    I’m not back … I just feel moved to share one text message that Vegas Guy sent to me a moment ago. He said:

    “Our physical [sex] will be immaculate perfection because we didn’t focus on it … it came about as a result of our intimacy.”

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:49pm

  540. 540: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    And so Daria- I have read things you posted and felt really angry, or negative (hrm- too vague) Okay. It feels like tensing up my legs and squeezing them shut. And my shoulders pulling in so that I feel smaller. And I hear my mother’s voice in my head that sex is bad and wrong. And I feel fear and shaky like I am waiting for something bad to happen like when her anger was building and we knew the explosion was coming but we never knew which one of us she was going to hit and we were afraid to look and maybe if I get very small and hold very still it wont be me.

    And then sometimes I read something you posted and I felt the BIG AMBER coming out and NO I’m not going to refer to actual posts because the truth is, the words you wrote don’t matter at all because this was all just me reacting. So sometimes I would react like me as the HELL CAT MOTHER and don’t you DARE come near me or my cubs because I will f||ck you up and I don’t care how big and strong you THINK you are because NO ONE gets to make ME FEEL SMALL and NO ONE gets to hurt someone else while I’m around and I WILL STAND UP FOR EVERYONE because NO ONE STOOD UP FOR ME and BRING IT ON because I AM RIGHT HERE AND THIS SH!TS GOING TO STOP RIGHT NOW

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:51pm

  541. 541: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    SO now I just wanted to tell you that feel love for you. And gratitude. And you have been a great teacher. And I’m really looking forward to the next button you push. LOL.

    And how this all ties in? Well, I am learning to love myself. And I am feeling so happy and FREE letting go of both the fear and making myself small AND the need to get so big and feel so violent.

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 10:58pm

  542. 542: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    and now I feel so sad and tears because I just understood that my mother hated it when we cowered because she wanted us to love her and she didn’t know how to not be crazy angry and when we got small she might have seen herself hiding from her crazy violent father.

    How do I let this go?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:04pm

  543. 543: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh amber i feel so sad… i feel like crying!

    crying works for me to heal it… and giving my little girl and everyone and myself love

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:05pm

  544. 544: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    QUESTION:

    so my CD called to let me know he’s leaving on a trip

    my feelings?? still resentful from our last convo

    so i said ok, im having fun chililn with my girl

    he says: ok yeah have fun without me

    me: hehe i WILLhave fun without you , you too.

    him: ok ill be back on the 12th

    me: ok bye

    so….

    i felt resentful, and i felt the vibe from him too, like we were sparring with a lil meanness.

    i feel afraid of that… it doesnt feel good, and while it triggers me to feel energized and competitive, i feel sad that i dont feel taken care of

    how do i let him feel my Warmth instead of the cold and resentment — as Rori says in teh newest e-letter???

    i don’t want to fall into lil sarcastic comments with each other… has happened with other CD’s before

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:23pm

  545. 545: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Ah Daria, Thank you :)

    Did you express your resentment?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:28pm

  546. 546: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    no just in my tone — that was the whole convo

    i feel worried our interactions are gonna turn into the interactions i have with this other CD

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:39pm

  547. 547: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    And sad that you don’t feel taken care of…

    I feel challenged when I get into those zingy conversations, and it’s kind of fun, but if I look below it? Hrm.

    I’m wondering about taping into the deepest need to feel heard and loved? If you feel that out loud, can he hear you?

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:41pm

  548. 548: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omgosh… Amber! you really rock…

    “I’m wondering about taping into the deepest need to feel heard and loved? If you feel that out loud, can he hear you?”

    wow! instant help huh…

    i dono … it feels scary… lets triy it

    baby i feel frightened and i miss you… it woud feel so good to be in your arms

    i cant feel opening to him kissing me –hasnt happend yet —

    i can feel it to being held

    i feel vulnerable and open

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:55pm

  549. 549: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I like how this feels open and solid and vulnerable

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:57pm

  550. 550: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    That’s incredible! Wow. I would so just wrap you up in my arms!

    Saturday, 28 August 2010 @ 11:57pm

  551. 551: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aww thanks amber

    smoochy smoochy! lol

    jk

    i miss him!

    haha

    this feels good and also exciting and scary…

    Sunday, 29 August 2010 @ 12:07am

  552. 552: RosalindNo Gravatar says:

    Hi .

    Mercedes , #293, Why couldnt I finish the book?
    Now theres a good question ..

    I think I got a bit tired of her “quest’ which was all very self motivated , self focused and Liz , Liz , Liz (at least it was honest) .

    Maybe because Ive been so darned slow about recovery myself – having been caught in years of imaginary relationships.

    I enjoyed her writing , her humor and insight and I am sure many of us here would find parts of this book to empathize with. Its a universal story of divorce, finding oneself , forging a new life .but she sure did it her way!

    I did it by re-creating my working life and moving part time to the city (my boys have shared parenting)
    Despite my exes attempts to control my decisions and movements I got a great new job and lots of new friends.I guess that was my version of Liz’s Italy. Love and loss and yoga and meditation , well thats my mini-Ashram experience i guess.

    Maybe I am about to move on to the Bali section in my own life and meet my own Phillipe?

    Have others “lived ” the book int heir own way too?

    Sunday, 29 August 2010 @ 12:25am

  553. 553: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Amber,

    You are writing some rich stuff in here!

    About me writing vanilla stuff, I meant surface stuff. Surface isn’t fake. It’s real. It’s just safe.

    I feel drained from writing on here Friday.

    I had a weird dream that I was in a rental house talking late into the night with my friend, Chris, and her two kids were there. We kept wondering why there was water in the room. Finally it got up to our mouths, and we got up to see what the problem was. The whole house was flooded with about 5 feet of water because I had accidentally left a faucet on.

    We opened all the doors and the water rushed out of the house. On the floor was left all the appliances and furniture and everything else, ruined. I was most upset that the laptop was ruined, and I kept wiping it and shaking it upside down, trying to dry it.

    My landlord came and saw it, and he was furious. He stayed overnight to supervise cleaning everything up to see what could be recovered. I felt uncomfortable in the dream in the morning when I said good morning and he just said “ok.” I was at the bathroom sink and he came in and used the toilet right in front of me.

    Sunday, 29 August 2010 @ 5:04am

  554. 554: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika,

    What your man said is gorgeous! Thanks for sharing!

    Sunday, 29 August 2010 @ 5:07am

  555. 555: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Jennifer….re: feeling vs appearance – my father was an alcoholic (brilliant and functioning but still….moody and difficult)…BUT my mother was/is the one who screwed my head up most BECAUSE she was a rage-aholic…..so she would be saying No no everything’s fine….but once we got a new 1/2 shepherd dog and she hit me with a belt – rarely ever happened, I wasn’t beaten…..and the dog tried to bite/stop here and she beat the ever living freaking SH** out of the DOG….or she’d say no I’m not fighting with your father,and then purse her lips and write what time he came home down on a calendar every day—-the one on the kictchen cabinet (an affair? passive agressive who knows?)…..

    And I’m like super empathatic, hate to admit it but I feel people’s feelings, too….and I try like heck NOT to….so I KNEW what the truth was BUT what I was told was ALWAYS different….

    It’s a phenomenom specific to alcoholic kids/families or some such ….

    anyway, no matter what it looks like what if FEELS like is true on some level. My therapist friend used to say, “THE BODY doesn’t LIE….”

    So, trust yourself, there’s something going on there. Mirrors are great, but gut feelings are even better.

    Let us know how it works out….

    And yeah for all the riffing…..Amber, I wrote to you on the other thread….

    Happy Sunday!!!

    J

    Sunday, 29 August 2010 @ 11:01am

  556. 556: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline,

    I felt sick when I read that about beating the dog. The dog was only protecting you. :-(

    Monday, 30 August 2010 @ 3:02am

  557. 557: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I read that it wasn’t Jacqueline that beat the dog but her mother did. Am I right, Jacqueline? Either way that felt bad for me to read too. I don’t like it at all when animals are treated badly.

    Tuesday, 31 August 2010 @ 9:00am

  558. 558: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks,

    No, I never thot Jacqueline said she beat the dog. Her mother hit her with a belt, and the dog attacked the mother to protect Jacqueline. :-(

    Tuesday, 31 August 2010 @ 9:02am

  559. 559: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah that’s what I got too. I was not sure with the way your post was worded when you said, “the dog was only trying to protect you” so I just posted my post for clarification. It’s too bad. Doggies should be hugged not beaten.

    Tuesday, 31 August 2010 @ 9:07am

  560. 560: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, friends…it was just kind of to make the point that although my father was the alcoholic my mother was the raging one. The dog was okay, just never did that again…..It hurt me so bad and I really was in her face about it years later. She couldn’t help it, I think….and I guess I’m glad that she didn’t do that to us! Rage is an out of control thing sometimes….

    and I’ve started sharing some of my growing up stories because I realized how different we all view things – like when Brenda’s parents came into her room – I’d of killed to have that, and to her it was just indicative of neglect. So, when we post to me, we’ve got to remember we all got here differently…..and what is someone’s trauma really is their trauma, no matter what we think/judge it….does that make sense?

    Thank you for caring!

    Jacqueline

    Tuesday, 31 August 2010 @ 7:27pm

  561. 561: lovely ladyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi,
    Im in a situation with shared exspenses that helps both of us save money but I am upset that he seems to be taking advantage of it and spending money on other women and not on me, including sending money to his ex who had broke up with her boyfriend but she is the mother of his child so I am not sure how I feel about that because I dont have all the facts of the situation.
    I told him I am thinking of getting out of the shared espenses with him, he says ok but he needs help because of his health problem and financial stress right now. When I see him he will probably try to convince to leave things as they are for another month.
    We’ve spent most of the summer apart and then when we spent a week together and when we were out he made exscuses and lied in order to get away to have a private phone call with a woman. I am feeling bad and mad that he lies to my face about his phone calls and I cant decide whether to be a bitch and say cut the crap or to be dumb like a fox and pretend to beleive him.
    He says he wants to do business with other women and his favorite phrase is its none of your business. I think what he calls business is his pleasure and his life that he doesnt want to tell me about because he wants to benefit financially and physiccally from what I have to give him if he lies to me.
    I might test that theory by changing my position so that he gets no money or sex from me and then see if he starts being more honest and if he still wants to see me!
    Is anybody else in a situation like this where you are afraid the man is lying and manipulating because he wants get all you have to give physically and financially, and wants to be free to get involved with other women but not admit it?

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 2:28pm

  562. 562: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lovely Lady,

    You said, “I might test that theory by changing my position so that he gets no money or sex from me and then see if he starts being more honest and if he still wants to see me!”

    Wise idea. It would be a major undertaking, but it sounds too murky as is, and this would bring clarification to the relationship. Being apart from someone brings even more clarification as to where each of you stands in the relationship.

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 2:38pm

  563. 563: lovely ladyNo Gravatar says:

    If a guy is lying to your face is better to call him on it or to play dumb?
    If a guy is carrying on with you because he gets sex and money and perks should you try to withdraw those benefits?
    I feel suspicoius and hopeless and weak and miserable. Well a little bit of hope thats because I know my perspective will change, it always does!

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 2:42pm

  564. 564: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    If I guy is lying to your face, here are some ways to handle it:

    1. Get out

    2. Ask him the same question three times in a row in rapid succession, looking him dead in the eye. He will know you think he’s lying without saying it, and he will be unnerved. At that moment, you will likely see if he is lying or not by his reaction

    3. Say, “I feel deceived.”

    4. Get out

    5. Get out

    6. Get out

    Now, what was your other question?

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 2:46pm

  565. 565: lovely ladyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Brenda, Thanks for the response!
    We have been spending more time apart then together this whole summer. We spent one month apart and 24hrs together then 2weeks apart then 1 week together then 3weeks apart. separating bills is difficult but I am considering it.

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 2:49pm

  566. 566: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lovely Lady,

    That sounds really, really, really unhealthy. I know it is difficult. But your emotional health is worth far more than money.

    I stayed in a relationship way too long with a man who was lying. A relationship is enough of a challenge to navigate when everything is visible. But lies are like ocean undercurrents that pull you under before you realize what is happening.

    Plus it totally sounds like he’s using you.

    Things are for using.
    People are for loving.

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 2:52pm

  567. 567: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Lovely Lady: I’m with Brenda. Take your money and get out. I would absolutely call him on his lies first (but that’s just me…) and I would absolutely NOT be having sex and paying bills for a man who doesn’t have time for me but DOES have time for other women.

    I don’t know if this man is a total loser or not. I don’t know if he’s a full on manipulator or not. I don’t know if he’s a real true A$$ or not…but…he sure is acting like it.

    Yeah…get out.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 2:53pm

  568. 568: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lovely Lady – I third the motion. GET OUT. This sounds awful. Take whatever is yours and go.
    xxoo

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 2:57pm

  569. 569: lovely ladyNo Gravatar says:

    Your #2 was closest to what I actually did in the situation. He did reveal something closer to the truth at that point, along the lines of “its none of your business if its a woman!”
    I think it is my business if its a woman who could affect his exsclusivity with me. I didnt say that out loud but just dropped it, we didnt have sex after that and I was leaving the next day anyway.

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 2:59pm

  570. 570: lovely ladyNo Gravatar says:

    Ok the consensus is for getting out. I would like to find out how he really feels about me, and to take away his motivations for lying. I need to get back to a position of strength.

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 3:09pm

  571. 571: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lovely Lady,

    Yes, that is healthy thinking. Are you strong enough to act on it? We can support you every step of the way. I know this is hard and heartbreaking. Getting away from him will make or break the relationship.

    (((Hugs)))
    Brenda

    Wednesday, 1 September 2010 @ 4:46pm

  572. 572: Shannon MechamNo Gravatar says:

    I agree with you 100% A friend of mine gave me that book after my divorce, thinking it would help, and it was HORRIBLE!!! I just kept thinking that she was such a whiny, pitiful person who was complaining of being depressed in Italy!!! As I struggled to feed my two children and find employment, I couldn’t muster one ounce of sympathy for this woman who was able to travel to some of the most gorgeous parts of the world and GET PAID FOR IT! But I saw the previews, and I love Julia, so I gave it a chance, and I loved it! I felt the warmth and compassion that one should feel for a woman giving up everything. And I loved the warmth and companionship that her friends (in the movie) showed her. But the book was crap! Sorry Elizabeth.

    Tuesday, 7 June 2011 @ 1:47pm

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