Looking For Love – Common Mistakes You Don’t Know You’re Making

Here’s a guest post from my best friend, Virginia Clark of http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com

by Virginia Clark

Are you frustrated looking for love?

Choosing your life partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.

When you find the man who’ll be beside you every day, it impacts every aspect of your life.

So, when I see women who approach finding their “soulmate” with so little concern about it’s true importance, I feel overwhelming frustration.

They meet and date perfectly good men, men who want to be in a committed relationship; but then they treat these men as if they were nothing special, as if there were plenty more where they came from.

They make the same mistakes with men over and over again, get the same results, and are in complete denial about their own behavior.

This tells me they don’t take themselves or dating seriously enough.

I’ve also seen women transform into adolescent girls when they date; they have no regard for consequences.

When they do this they diminish themselves and of course get less than spectacular results with men.

How can you stop sabotaging your dates and give looking for love the importance it needs?

Here are the three most common mistakes you may be making:

1. You break your own rules

How many times have you changed your mind on a date and let yourself be persuaded to break your own rules?

The rule I see women break the most often is about when to have sex.

You know what I’m talking about. You’ve determined that you won’t go to bed with a man until you both agree to be monogamous.

You’ve promised yourself not to sleep with a man who is also sleeping with other women.

But, as soon as you begin to date a man you’re attracted too, you get caught up in the moment and like an impressionable young girl, you give in.

You get intimate too soon with a man you could really care about. It changes everything and you’ve hardly gotten to know each other. Breaking this rule rarely works out in the long run.

Here are some other rules you might find yourself breaking:

  • You pursue him instead of being patient
  • You give more attention to him than he’s giving to you
  • You lose yourself and make his needs more important than your own

2. You don’t fix what’s not working

Human beings tend to like the familiar.

We have a comfort zone we find hard to leave unless we’re really pushed.

Life-changing experiences like illness or a car accident will propel you to make new and daring choices. But when life is just going along as usual, you can get lazy and avoid making the changes you need to be more successful with men.

One example is the fear of “making waves” in a relationship.

Instead of speaking up for yourself, which can be a real challenge, you’ll go with the flow to keep the peace.

Or if you’re used to having your guard up around men, you don’t risk being hurt by allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

You just stick to being the way you’ve always been because it’s easier than facing the fear of the change you need to make.

3. You haven’t handled your subconscious sabotage

We all have subconscious sabotage; it keeps us eating too much, buying what we don’t need and pushing good men away.

Yet, it’s something you can change once you become aware of it.

The subconscious controls your habitual ways of being in relationships.

For example, it will show up as a lack of self-worth or confidence, which makes it hard for you to set boundaries.

You have to recognize what the habitual thoughts are that aren’t working for you and change them. When a subconscious belief that is hurting you is made conscious (when you become aware of it) it will get “neutralized” and no longer “run you.”

There are many ways to get at your subconscious beliefs, but three excellent ones are hypnotherapy, coaching, and guided imagery.

Looking for love is a serious business.

If you’re really serious about looking for love, you have to take the bull by the horns and do these three things.

They will require courage.

You have to stop breaking your own rules, change the things you do that you know aren’t working, and finally, find out how you’ve been subconsciously sabotaging your relationships.

If you take your search for a good man seriously and do these 3 things — when you find him, you’ll know exactly what to do to keep him.

 

 

 

From Rori: I love Virginia. She knows what she’s talking about – I LOVE her book.  It’s so BOLD – she just lays her life, her experiences with men (you’ll identify with all of them, Virginia is no-holds-barred)…and her coaching is superb and life-changing.  You can download her free report and get her free newsletters at http://www.ItsNeverTooLateToMarry.com–>>

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628 Comments to “Looking For Love – Common Mistakes You Don’t Know You’re Making”

  1. 1: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    subconscious sabotage – now there’s a big one….

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:16am

  2. 2: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I agree April Rose, wondering how often I do that……

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:33am

  3. 3: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I agree April Rose, wondering how often I do that also.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:34am

  4. 4: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i wish i had caught my subconscious sabotage a bit sooner. i didn’t, and it turned into CF responding with mega sabotage.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:41am

  5. 5: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    These are good lessons to learn. I’m still pretty young, right? right…??
    *pout*

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:42am

  6. 6: lkNo Gravatar says:

    3. You haven’t handled your subconscious sabotage

    ((((lk)))) i forgive you over & over & over again, endlessly until we dxe.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:48am

  7. 7: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i mean is he even checking his email anymore?
    he wasn’t before unless i alerted him to it.

    sigh

    lean back, starla

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:52am

  8. 8: lkNo Gravatar says:

    woof, feeling tired & a tiny bit sad, but i will keep on trucking

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:54am

  9. 9: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    reposting: I am going to ask him if he thinks he can see me on Thurs morning or tomorrow night. I don’t think he has his cell on and in any case dont want to explain over text why I need to leave. Do you sirens think it’s ok?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:05pm

  10. 10: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    reposting: I love Starla’s response to CF

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:06pm

  11. 11: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    This article is all me.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:08pm

  12. 12: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    hmm I like the reminder to take care of ourselves and speak up without fear of making waves. I’ve gotten better at this yay Emerson!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:08pm

  13. 13: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    from no.55 (Orna Walters) four threads back:

    “In order to see what your True Soul Partnership looks like you must walk into your blind spot – without a veiled heart from the pain of the past, beyond the programming of how you learned to receive love, and really see the beauty of how your soul desires to connect with your beloved.”

    How can I walk into my blind spot if I can’t see it?

    Likewise if unconscious sabotage is unconscious it’s because I can’t see it. It needs to be pointed out to me, right?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:09pm

  14. 14: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((you who sabotage subconsciously))))))

    compassion and gentleness to you, sister.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:10pm

  15. 15: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((April Rose, who sabotages love and intimacy))))))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:12pm

  16. 16: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Going to guitar club now, to have a song with the boys!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:14pm

  17. 17: lkNo Gravatar says:

    wow, neat, April Rose – i just felt myself get shaky reading about walking into my blind spot, with no conditioned beliefs…. neat : )

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:14pm

  18. 18: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    subconcious sabotage… interesting!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:17pm

  19. 19: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    If you’re dating a guy and you haven’t talked about being exclusive or not — did you know that you need to assume that what you have is NOT exclusive?

    This is true for men.

    And until you understand WHY men are this way, and what it means about how to talk with your man… odds are you’ll make some of the big mistakes trying to move into a committed relationship, and he’ll pull away.

    Don’t let that happen – when finding out and using what works (and is more fun for you) can be easy.

    Here’s the thing…

    I want to share something with you that has the power to change the way you look at relationships…

    And also has the power to help you magnetically attract the man you’re just “dating” to where he will be the one asking you for more in your relationship.

    I’ll start by sharing this…

    Whether or not you are fully conscious of it or have recognized it yet… there are 3 main STAGES to building a real and lasting relationship.

    Do you know what these Stages are?

    Do you know how each one works?

    Do you know the “unspoken rules” or each stage that a man has that decide whether he’ll want to grow and move forward with you or not?

    Well, if you don’t know all this then it’s high time you found out.

    I’ll share the Stages with you real quick-

    >>Stage #1: Courtship

    You meet a man and you both connect and are attracted to each other.

    While you talk to get to know each other, you don’t actually talk directly about all the things you really want, think and feel about each other.

    In fact, more of what is happening is dictated by Non-Verbal Communication than it is by actual verbal communication.

    In this stage, it’s determined which of 2 “Roles” you will take on as a woman.

    In one role you become the CONVINCER.

    You are the one subtly making sure you spend time together, making sure plans come together… and pursuing HIM in one way or another.

    It can also happen that you don’t become the Convincer, but instead take on the role of the RESISTOR.

    The Resistor resists largely in part simply BECAUSE the other person is playing the role of the Convincer.

    When one person starts to “Convince,” the natural human response is to begin to Resist.

    Here’s why this happens…

    See, humans are fascinating social creatures.

    We have lots of conscious and unconscious social and emotional rules and “roles” that are wired up inside us from birth.

    When you meet someone, whether you’re conscious of it or not, both of you take on roles that relate to each other.

    A great example is the Leader/Follower roles.

    Next time you’re in a group setting, whether at work or at a social event, I want you to look for and notice that a Leader always develops in a group.

    The Leader can lead very subtly, but they dictate the way other people talk and behave — including how serious or not serious others are.

    When a Leader emerges, there’s a silent and unspoken non-verbal process that takes place where all the others in the group become Followers.

    Humans don’t have to try and figure out these roles and discuss or decide who will be the Leader, and if and when others will Follow.

    It just happens in a few split seconds on a very subtle unconscious level.

    Well, to connect the dots for you…

    The same kind of thing happens between you and a man.

    And it happens without either of you even consciously discussing or deciding upon the Roles you’re going to play.

    The roles simply emerge.

    One of the most powerful things you can do in your life and in your relationships is to become more CONSCIOUS and aware of what Roles you are playing…

    And how those are affecting you, your life, and your relationships.

    When you become conscious and you start to CHOOSE the roles you want to play — suddenly you have a lot of personal and creative power.

    Especially in your love life.

    In the Courtship phase, being aware of what roles can play out, and how to attract a man so that he PURSUES YOU, is the thing that really spells success or failure.

    If a man enjoys the role he gets to play with you, and he grows more physically and emotionally attracted to you the more he gets to know you…

    Your relationship will move to the next stage.

    >>Stage #2: The Uncommitted Relationship

    Did you know that before you have a committed and exclusive relationship with a man that you will have to spend time with him in an Uncommitted Relationship?

    Most women try to ignore this stage and pretend it doesn’t existing because it makes them uncomfortable, and they don’t know how to navigate it.

    But it’s a reality when you date a man.

    Ignore it at your own peril.

    To help you understand this stage, this is that “in-between” stage.

    It’s where you’ll be more curious, and maybe even most “triggered” by how a man is acting and what it all means.

    This stage is also where all the opportunity lies in creating the early foundation for a wildly romantic and open and honest relationship…

    Or…

    For setting your relationship up to fail and having the wheels come off so your relationship does nowhere.

    There’s 1 single all-important question I ask women as it relates to this stage and setting up the right foundation to move into a loving committed relationship.

    The question is…

    “How will you handle it when you feel at your most VULNERBALE with a man?”

    How will you handle it?

    …when you’re feeling uncertain where things are headed.

    And you’re not sure if you can really trust him yet.

    And something happens that hurts your feelings and makes you feel unappreciated and it’s time for you to communicate…

    HOW will you respond?

    Will you respond and talk with love?

    Will you respond and talk with pain and anger?

    Will you withdraw from him to a safer place and shut him out?

    I hope that what you’re noticing here is that YOU will get signs about what kind of roles you’ll take on, and you’ll be asked to show up as a good partner long before you actually have a “Committed Relationship.”

    How you are with the man you’re with through this and how you respond has EVERYTHING to do with whether a man will choose to want to love and commit himself to you, or not.

    >>Stage #3: The Committed Relationship

    I want you to take a second and realize something…

    Now that I’ve shown you the first 2 stages on the way to a fully committed relationship…

    You already know a lot more about what a committed relationship actually is.

    A committed relationship is a relationship of CHOICE, not of obligation.

    You and a man have met and you’ve been through your “courtship” where you kind of felt your way around in the dark starting to get to know each other.

    You sent and received a lot of non-verbal cues which told you a lot about each other.

    And you either conscious or unconsciously took on a kind of subtle Role.

    Then you started to grow even closer and explore the space of being more close and intimate.

    However… you still weren’t “together” and so you were actually in what I call an Uncommitted Relationship.

    Knowing that there is such a thing as an Uncommitted Relationship is going to change the way you look at moving towards and creating a Committed Relationship.

    (And help you create the right relationship at the same time — not just any relationship.)

    You should also know that there is a RIGHT way to move into a committed relationship with a man…

    And there are lots of WRONG ways.

    How and why a man commits is one of the single best determinants of whether a relationship will last and be loving over the long run, or not.

    CCarter

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:19pm

  20. 20: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m shifting my fears around jealousy and men

    That issue that was coming up for Lk is in my head and I’m feeling trembly that I’ll be seen and accused of being inappropriate etc for receiving love from men.

    And I have very solid boundaries on sex w men , on romantic stuff w men that are ‘liked’ by women I care about.

    And I don’t want to feel this fear and guilt and shame and non-love and invisibility. I want to heal this. This big issue for me.

    I’ve felt unconfortable in the past around couples. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.

    I’m feeling angry now and blamy towards ‘those women’ for making me feel that way.

    I feel angry at. My mom for reacting this way with that woman that she thinks my did likes.

    I’m feeling confused. Tagged at my heart. It feels so compelling to jump in and participate in the pattern and blame women for being ‘sluts’ and encourage violence or meanness about it.

    I’m so committed to this pattern and I don’t want to be anymore.

    I feel very angry about it.

    I feel lost about it.

    I feel sad.

    I want to heal this.

    I feel overwhelmed.

    I love me.

    Thank you me.

    I don’t accept romantic advances from men that women I care about have emotional attachments to.

    It feels bad when women in my life have done it to me.

    I’ve experimented with it before and it felt bad.

    I want to heal this.

    I feel my pain and my fear and shame and war mess and shock and confusion and loss and invisibleness feeling unseen a d howling and alone and I’m a rurally good and loving I don’t want to feel judged and abandoned and I love me.

    This is really challenging for me ouch. I love me. I love my heartache my pain my dussapointment out of control horror and powerlessness this ea soft feeling in my thighs I feel like melting my root into a puddle I feel soooooo. Sad :(

    I love all my feelings I love me

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:25pm

  21. 21: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I wana see the beauty of how my soul desires to connect with my beloved

    I feel sad

    Image of numb and tired, that peasant hardened woman in the fields

    I want to heal

    I feel sad

    (((Daria)))

    I love your feelings

    I love your sadness

    Thank you for sharing with me

    I honor you and support your healing

    I have total belief that the healing will feel amazing powerful and fulfilling

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:30pm

  22. 22: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    I guess this is a good topic to bring this up on and you will shortly see why. Rori, this may be one you’ll have to handle and once again, you’ll see why.
    Its been a long time since I’ve been out here. I have been in a committed relationship with a man for 6 months. Lets call him B. He is a wonderful man and I love him and the relationship has progressed well. He makes every effort in the relationship and has seen me through some tough situations in the past few months. He truely is an incredible partner and wonderful lover. I do love him but in 6 months we (I) havent formed that deep bond, spiritual connectedness which is so important to me along with everything else. So he meets all the checks. Hes done a couple of things that I have caught and told him how they feel. I have used love scripts and CD techniques when things get flat. It has worked wonderfully and Rori you have done for me what 6 years of therapy didnt do…gave me tools. So I have found a man who is willing to settle down in a loving and committed relationship. I think we can cross the spiritual portion over time and I will address this. I feel wonderful around him and away from him. He rarely lets me feel like anything less than importantand then I can let him know how important he is to me.
    Heres the kicker and my dilema. I was involved with a married man for 6 years. In the last year of our previously non physical relationship it became physical. Because of his inability to leave his marriage I broke it off on Valentines day 2011. Yes I gave him too much too often and before he was willing to do what I needed. This is when I found you Rori and I wished I had done it sooner. I joined Match and dated a ton of men in the ast year. I finally removed him from my FB in August as I felt like his constant presence was getting in the way of me forming other relationships even though we were not talking. I did not give him the benefit of having me when he was not chosing me. In November/December he called me and told me that he was scared that he didnt want to live without me. He cried and said he loved me. I remained soft on the outside and strong on the inside insisting that the only way he would get me back in his life is if he filed for Divorce, showed me the papers, came to see me and was ready to put a ring on my finger. I told him that because I was with someone else if B put the ring on my finger first then he would miss out and that door would be closed. I told him that if he wanted to be with me or have me in his life there was only one way. In late January he contacted me again to see if the door was still open. I told him I did not have a ring on my finger yet and that yes it was possible. He contacted me yesterday Rori to tell me that he did the Divorce decree and it would be finalized in February. He said that although he would like us to have a chance he would understand if I couldnt give that to him and that he would like his closest friend “the one who helped him find his strength and courage” back as friends if that was possible. The thing is I love this guy and with my whole heart and we have a beautiful spiritual bond. I have a deep connection to him and he does to me. I stayed soft but strong again. Remembering your words I said to him E, I cannot be your friend and if you will do me a favor and call me because this emailing through facebook feels uncomfortable and I dont feel important. So, he called me later that night. We talked about what he wanted which was a chance or friends. I asked him what it was he really wanted because I felt confused about what he was offering me. He said he would like for us to try. I said I wasnt sure what was happening because of my relationship with B. I tiold him I would feel like a liar to be with B and still giving him a chance. The thing is Rori and ladies I also feel B stalling on some levels and it seems like they both need a little inspiration. I told E how sad Iwas without him in my life but under no uncertain terms I could not be his friend. I told him if I agreed to less than what I wanted from him it would make me feel small and it would be less than I deserved for all the years we stood together. I asked him to think about what he was ready to offer me since B hasnt put a ring on my finger yet and neither has he that they both have a chance. The only thing is that B doesnt know any of this. I feel like a coward because I love them both but I havent put my cards on the table with B but I also love E and if he’s ready to put a ring on my finger I want to be with him. I spent an hour on the phone with E that night and we did not come to a conclusion as to defining the relationship. Remember we are way past the dating stage. With B and I I love him and he wants to marry me but seems to be stalling as well. E and I put off the remainder of our conversation until tomorrow during his lunch at work because it had gotten late. I know I cant say the wrong thing to the the right man. B is solid but still seems a little unsure. It is yet to be seen if E is serious but tomorrow will tell. I gave him some things to think about. The questions is if he owes me nothing in the relationship and I owe him nothing, do I have to tell B that E is there while I take the short time I need to see if E is serious. Furthermore, what do I say to E tomorrow. We left off on the phone the other nght with me telling him I would feel wrong to say that I could tell him how I am going to decide since it was his lack of action in the first place that put us there. He recognized this and stated that he was sorry and hopes we can move forward. I dont want to sabotage the relationship Im in but at the same time as I said, it will take just a little time to know if E has any intentions of following through. I am in the position any woman wants to be in I have two wonderful men that love me and want to spend the rest of their life with me. I just need some assistance in navigating tomorrow with E and in watching his actions not his words. He is much more the type to come up with every excuse in the book but when the pressure is put on and I haave laid my boundaries and backed them up with action, he follows through. Both of these relationships are easy as I am not so overwhelmed by them because I am practicing the water wheel. I know this was a lot and if you have any questions please ask. Please if there is anyone out there that would criticize, dont, its not necessary as I am happy with what is happening I just feel nervous and giddy. I promise it was a marriage the both needed to be out of. Regardless of your feelings about that, this is where we are now and I need to know how to proceed without judgement. Thank you ladies and Rori, if you could help…

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:31pm

  23. 23: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t believe this anymore : ‘We have a comfort zone we find hard to leave unless we’re really pushed.’

    This model reall makes no sense in reality where we’re constantly changing.

    Maybe when there’s pain, we have a choice to clamp down on it physically and mentally . And that creates what feels like ‘stuckness’ when we choose to clamp.

    We learn clamping and that clamping is good…! That it helps me cope , gets me through a rough time, and supports my aliveness. And it’s not true! I give myself permission to shift that belief now.

    Yay I’m no longer choosing clamping / control .

    Yay belief change.

    I Need clamping!

    :)

    I do t need clamping. Healing my mind. Remodeling my life

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:39pm

  24. 24: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s a way I learned that I believed works and it doesn’t work! Yay! Like violence

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:40pm

  25. 25: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Aw, memulo, i feel all sweetened up reading that you love my response to him.

    i actually feel shakier than ever now! haha!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:42pm

  26. 26: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 23 Daria I believe that kind of statement is what coaches use to convince people that coaching can help change their lives. I understand what you are saying but I have comfort zones in my own life and I have committed to pushing myself out of them. If I am to depend on a coach for all I need I would remain stuck as I cannot afford everything that I actually need.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:44pm

  27. 27: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    This is what I have experience with subconcious sabotage: the primary way we get into this is accepting less than we want and piping down when we should pipe up. If we say nothing we are not opening our hearts to him, why would we do this? Usually because we assume we will lose instead of assuming that he cares or even an unwillingness to find out one way or the other. Anytime I feel like running from my current relationship I take as much time as I need to (Rori tool) take a deep breath and feeeeeeellll, scared, hurt, sad, or whatever it is I dont want to let him see. This way I dont “DO” anything because of the way I feel, whether its lean forward, pressure or push too hard and ultimately push him away. I am esentially myself in the relationship. I allow him to feel successful when he does something he wasnt thinking about. Sometimes it takes me a day or two but I always tell him. I dont always catch these thing in the moment as I have been taught to bury my feelings in order to avoid conflict and losing. However it doesnt feel like conflict when I simply tell him how I feel and every time I do almost with any man I have done this with I always find out the truth of how he feels about me whether its by his inaction, actions or confirmation of his affections. I am so excited about this and I feel soconfident about being myself. I fail so much but I learn so much about myself and what makes me feel. Dont sabotage relationships by hiding in them, embrace however he feels about you by being all you are and feeling everything and then simply tell him. He will feel relieved if he loves you and powerful that he can do something about it. If he doesnt love you then he will tell you or go away in which case you will know how he feels. Always remember to give him time to process what you have said and sometimes a couple of days to act on how he feels, men often take time to think and consider and discover how they feel in their solitude and its ok. This is when its harder for me especially to lean way back and let him do the work…if he loves you he will.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:52pm

  28. 28: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Starla I felt love expressed i a very cool genuine way when I read your response.

    I feel so stressed out and scared and miserable because of my going away. I leaned fwd big time which I feel so uncomfortable doing and asked if he could see me, I don’t even know when his phone will be on, etc. is it a bad thing that I didn’t say I am going away? Will he be upset with me? I guess I should stop and focus on my trip and the fact that I will be away for a long time and need to take care of things before I go

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:55pm

  29. 29: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia – I wish I can meet you where you are at… It seems you are rushing and under pressure with both of these men… And creating for yourself that ‘whirlwind’ feeling that is so dramatic and so tied up with what we think is romance and love for most of us.

    My advice is that you need more experience – yes more experience – relating to Many men in this new vulnerable soft and open receiving way… So you – now that you can have any man – really pick a life partner that you feel fulfilled with.

    Not just swept away with but solid working HEALTHY and practical real relationship.

    Circular Date, feel through your power. See what man can really step up for you without exclusivity. Learn the difference between excitement and fantasy and what receiving solid consistent love that fulfills and nourishes feels like for you. Don’t rush. Don’t marry any man until you are asked… And until you feel happy and fully secure about it .

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:56pm

  30. 30: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    thank you FW for that post… i find myself usually at step 2 forever lol. Sometimes, the guy assumes we are at step 3, and I never knew he had assumed. Now that I no longer want to rush into step 3 because I’m CDing i find that everyone is asking to go to step 3, but i turn it down temporarily. TWO guys however have not asked. Those are the 2 who are ALWAYS trying to have sex or to convince me to change my boundaries around sex, but i always say no. One said he understands my position and he agrees with me…..the other one said “i wouldnt mind being committed to you but I dont wanna hurt nobody” i was thinking “huh?” but I said “okay” I was just confused as to where hurt came in because what i said to him right before that was “It would feel good to have sex with you but I do not have sex with anyone I am not exclusive with and committed to” He said “can you see yourself committing to me right now?” I said “Not right now” and thats when he said the thing about hurting nobody or whatever, but yeah he suddenly started pursuing me more after that night.

    I am just so pleased with myself for not budging at all around that boundary. :-)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:56pm

  31. 31: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – hmm that feels a lil bad. I don’t have that kinda belief about coaches.

    I have heard that belief around, it’s a common quated one… It’s a model of how life works that doesn’t fit for me.

    It feels bad . I love that I have my belief change tools and can shift it and adjust the way I perceive

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 12:58pm

  32. 32: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((all of you)))))))))))))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:02pm

  33. 33: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I always was getting triggers by that belief anyway and didnt fully believe it. Now that I shifted it I saw the perspective change to the ‘clamping’ model.

    Sigh mm feels good.

    Another one that triggers me is: insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

    This doesn’t feel good to me it feels shocking and scary and I feel mistrustful and closed off.

    I know if I dig a hole the same each dig I will eventually get to the other side.

    I know if I keep adding one to the pile I get different results each time.

    2, 3, 4, etc

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:03pm

  34. 34: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    “Circular Date, feel through your power. See what man can really step up for you without exclusivity. Learn the difference between excitement and fantasy and what receiving solid consistent love that fulfills and nourishes feels like for you. Don’t rush. Don’t marry any man until you are asked… And until you feel happy and fully secure about it .” – Love this Daria!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:04pm

  35. 35: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    “Circular Date, feel through your power. See what man can really step up for you without exclusivity. Learn the difference between excitement and fantasy and what receiving solid consistent love that fulfills and nourishes feels like for you. Don’t rush. Don’t marry any man until you are asked… And until you feel happy and fully secure about it .” – Love this Daria!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:04pm

  36. 36: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sigh. This article mentions something I was just thinkng about – if I leave yet another relationship “because of how he behaved” then I am looking “out there” instead of inside myself for what went wrong. I am acting like there are plenty more good men so I can just let this one go (as in article). I’m so confused.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:08pm

  37. 37: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Emoticon! wow reading it now i feel inspired and wowed by it too! feelin thrilled and full of joy!

    its ok to celebrate creating beauty! and feel joy and fulfillment from it!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:10pm

  38. 38: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    btw… remember Winker Hottie (WH)? He got married last month.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:12pm

  39. 39: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    FW: Yes I truely get the CDing part and I am fully confident. I am not in a whirlwind place although my writing might indicate it. Im just excited. I am very cmfortable with B and as I I said I love him no doubt. I would marry him if he asks. I know the lack of spiritual bondedness we have comes more from me holding back and not telling him that its important to me. Im not sure how to aproach this. I have also been in a committed relationship for 12 years previously. B is the one who brought up marraige and is the one who has initiated everything. He says that he just has to save money up after he pays his taxes this year. He has shown me he IS the solid force I need. I would be silly to let him get away. With E, he knows all I am and all I want and up until now has not made a serious move. I am not at all interested in whirlwind romances and am fully ready to committ. B knows this and as I said has mentioned many times his want and willingness to marry me. E I know loves me deeply and this relationship also is not about a whirlwind romance. I dont have the time on here to give you all the details but I am not sure lack of experience is the problem. In the past year I dated 65 men, many of them willing and wanting to get deeper and I chose to not go there withany of them except B for various reasons. I am ready for a committed relationship, now I just want to know how to approach this situation. Thank you for admitting that you cant meet me where I am at as that was very honest. I do simply need to know how to appraoch both B and E. Maybe I cant do that without losing either of them in which case I will be back to circular dating naturally and get some more experience. B is beautiful. E may just be a distraction but for myself I need to know. I guess thats why Im here asking. I am open to both of them which i guess is where Im supposed to end up in CDing with the love and committment I want and deserve with the man who will give me what I need and desire as well as with my ability to love him back? Right? Isnt this the position I want to be in? Able to make the choice for myself? Isnt this the whole point? TY FW for getting me to think, this will take its course. I know exactly what I want and they both are exactly what I want and seem to be ready. Time will tell and I promise I am being patient and leaning back, I am prepared to move on if either of them dont follow through. I am confident that B is the one because E has never done the work until now (under pressure) but am I wrong to want to know for certain?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:13pm

  40. 40: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    They said … that receiving solid consistent love that fulfills and nourishes me does not feel fantastic and exciting

    and i believed them

    i fell for tha belief hook line and sinker

    and its not true!

    im giving myself permission to shift that belief now

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:14pm

  41. 41: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lucy, no f*cking way!! married?
    i feel shocked.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:14pm

  42. 42: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    This is the CD i have the most trouble leaning back with…. but I am totally getting the hang of it, and me not having a charger for my phone is totally helping (lol). Another CD is supposed 2 bring one by 2night.

    I will remove his name.. for the sake of his identity lol

    B: Goodmornin there ma’am, have a good day 8:23 AM
    Me: aww thank you… havent heard from u in days :-( 2:25 PM
    B: I kno. I sorry 3:12 PM
    Me: thnx u sweetie pie 4:01 PM
    B: No problem :) 4:07 PM

    I didnt kno this my response was a little bit blamey but i said it anyway lol. I dont kno a better way 2 say it just yet but it seemed to have worked out well enough.

    If i respond any further it will feel overfunctiony to me so I’m leaving it at that!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:14pm

  43. 43: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Ure welcome Daria, it felt good and inspiring to read

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:15pm

  44. 44: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy :O wow

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:16pm

  45. 45: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy I believe that there are plenty more out there. I believe that if I cdate I will have several good ones offering me what I want. I feel tightened up around the thought that there aren’t many more out there. I also believe that what is already on the inside shows up on the outside so I practice bringing it back to me. I am not perfect at doing it but I am loving myself through learning. If one man floats away another will float in. I have a big stream of men that keep ebbing and flowing. In and out, in and out, in and out.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:17pm

  46. 46: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia – dang i feel disappointed. I feel unheard.

    I don’t know what I can say to help you!

    Beliefs like “i would be silly to let him get away” are not true!

    I would say, please circular date and don’t focus or limit yourself to EITHER of these two men.

    Don’t settle hoping you’ll eventually get spiritual fulfillment with one (and i encourage you to explore what this really means to you and if it’s even something to require from a partner or if it might not better be fulfilled through your own spirituality )

    Choose when you feel sure and fulfilled already

    These men arent all the way there for you!

    Circular Date all you can to protect yourself from making such an important decision without having owned the power that there are OTHER men out there for you that may provide even more of what you want.

    and don’t think ahead to “he would ask me”. Let him ask! without your help, encouragement or prompting. That’s when you can decide. And you can safely decide you need more time to feel sure. Or you may by then really feel a happy full Yes.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:18pm

  47. 47: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry that was directed at Daria

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:18pm

  48. 48: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I realized something about myself.. in the past i lost interest in guys who were truly trying to make me happy because I felt it was more exciting to “chase” to be left guessing not what would happen next in my relatonship (because for the life of me, i tried to control that) but guessing whether or not I was LOVED, CARED FOR, etc… that just feels so bad to me now.

    I was STABILITY in ym relationships. I feel very comfortable now with guys who show affection regularly, and who send “Good Morning Beautiful” texts every day or at least almost every day. I am happy that I am healing and that no longer turns me off (and now i wonder how it did turn me off in the past because it feels so wonderful)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:22pm

  49. 49: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – so sad for the article… the truth is there ARE plenty of good men out there!!!

    theres a plethora, more than i will ever need, and more than i will ever meet likely!

    the writer seems to have fallen for a belief that there aren’t or something similar… no need to fall for it too…

    In my experience and what I notice to women,

    saying NO to what feels bad actually brings way more of what feels GOOD !

    and it does feel scary in the moment when we think its the best we can get and theres soemthing wrong withe me for not accepting it and ‘workign with it’ and tolerating and for wanting bettter. AND THAT IS JUST NOT TRUE!

    and when the better stuff shows up it supports my chosen truth that saying NO is opening the door for yes yes Yes!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:22pm

  50. 50: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    high 5 Emoticon! i feel delighted to find myself feeling good receiving stable secure love too!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:24pm

  51. 51: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    :-) Thank you Daria

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:24pm

  52. 52: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria again, it was just an expression really, I love Brian and no I would not be silly if I told him tomorrow that I wanted to date others. I dont want to date others right now and I am staying open to other men but I am in a committed relationship. He has talked about buying a house etc. We are really progressing nicely and slowly. Relatiosnships dont always progress at a time frame and I dont put those limits on myself and my feelings. I have told B how I feel for the most part unless I dont want to and he is receptive. I want to be with him and I know under no uncertain terms that he loves me. Daria, I feel unheard because I have CDed for a long time. I explored my options and know I have the ability no matter what to chose what I want for love and fulfillment. I also know that comes with time as people grow together. I have not told B that spirituallity is important to me because I can admitt that I have set that part of me aside for E. I am feeling like exploring this because its important. I have a deep sense of spirituality and I know who I am inside and out. Thank you for helping me explore this. I will explore my options with both and yes I want to be married to either one…

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:27pm

  53. 53: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i want amazing love but am often in my own way to get it.

    i think i could have let my guard down a lot more with CF. I don’t think it would have turned him off or made him see me as easy.

    not that i’m saying i should have leaned forward.

    but my guard was way up

    and now that he’s ‘crossed’ me, i see how the guard is false. how all that remains is a pure feeling of love.

    i’ve never had that before.

    but now i have it. and if it doesn’t end up being with him in Forever, I will have it for someone else.

    gosh i hope it’s with him in Forever, though;)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:28pm

  54. 54: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i am noticing how bad i felt…. & how scared i felt… & i’m just going to say, listen lk, it’s all good. no sweat. breathe in & out & go where you want in this life. no rules, baby : ) & it’s OK if you decide you change your mind. all good. no worries. you let me know, ok ? ok. thank you. i was feeling so nervous that i made a Permanent Decision… & i haven’t ! actually, i have lots & lots & lots of options & choices & free ways to go… it’s ok : ) & it’s ok that i have been in relationship with men who did things i didn’t want in my relationship. i am not doomed to repeat my relationships endlessly. i do not need to have ” control ” over myself or anyone else. i release myself into love & i intend to receive love. easy, baby… slow…. good girl…. you are sweet & life is lovely & interesting… : )) (((lk)))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:29pm

  55. 55: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla ((((((Starla))))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:30pm

  56. 56: lkNo Gravatar says:

    starla, i’m feeling my self-sabotaging walls that i’ve built too…. it’s really interesting & sad…. but it is really showing me ways to love myself… : )) love you too : ))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:30pm

  57. 57: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia – its not just an expression. sorry to be so blunt with you!

    it shows how you perceive life and the experiences. Those kinds of words are GREAT to look at, and its part of ‘riffing’ and can show us what our SUBCONSCIOUS is saying about us and love and the world.

    That is actually operating on you powerfully – you wouldnt have written that, it would simply not be an expression of yours, if it was not belived on a subconscious level –

    and thats where your ‘sabotage’ is.

    This is an opportunity to look at that and explore that… to change what you believe about what you will receive, what you “should” do, how much you are appreciating and how worthy you are of what you REALLY want, and the way you EXPERIENCE the world will shift

    WORDS ARE IMPORTANT! VERY HUGELY IMPORTANT!

    and the words we speak about OURSELVES and about HOW WE EXPERIENCE LIFE literally and actually create the experience for us, and attract or push away energies, including people and events around us

    thats why we its so powerful to “Choose our Words” as in the mantra…

    and why feeling messages ‘work” to connect us with emotion and create connection… they share Only the feeling experience, not our beliefs created around that

    and that feels safe, real and trustworthy

    we CHOOSE our beliefs… and through that choose what we filter in our experience… and therefor choose our experience

    it does feel overwhelming sometimes – and very powerful – to really look at what our voices are saying, in us and through us, and make the shifts that can impact our reality

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:39pm

  58. 58: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia – sorry for triggering you to feel unheard :( and maybe defensive or judged

    im feeling bad and i dont want to keep feeling this way

    i LOVE what im writing and feeling really inspired by my words and i feel crushed and kidna flat and feel my heart closing to not feel received and seen

    i dont want to keep on engaging in this

    im feeling kinda angry (this is my stuff) im noticing

    in summary:

    I hear that you’ve CD’d a lot… if this was me, I WOULD CD MORE!!! until I felt HAPPY and COMFORTABLE with CDing… I would CD until I was proposed to by a man I felt good saying a full YES TO!

    I would let the man I agreed to be exclusive with know that I really appreciate him, and I’m looking to be married and want to keep my options open… and that i feel good with him and also feel kinda disappointed to not have been sharing my spirituality, and that feels really important to me… and see what he thinks

    and i would CD until it felt fun and good and i felt happy doing so! When CDing felt fun I would let that energy of feeling powerful and loved in my life fill me and I would open up to receive a proposal for life exclusive commitment together with one of the men proposing to me

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:48pm

  59. 59: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I woke up from my nap.

    It was a restless sleep but I feel better.

    But it’s a bad and vicious better feeling.

    Because I have an expectation that I don’t want to have but that I can’t shut down.

    Not only I am expecting ATW to call me to discuss (and often if he calls me I am expecting good results) but I am also wondering about what he said: “I call you later. I have a meeting with XY and I fix a meeting with you after.”

    What is that suppose to mean “I fix a meeting with you after?”. Was it a mistake? Or is he planning to see me after his meeting with XY? Dude will you ever be a little specific seriously????

    And now, because I don’t understand, I don’t know what to do and I hate that. This guy has put mein this exact situation for 1.5 years now.

    Arggg

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:52pm

  60. 60: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Daria))))

    i love my fear

    i love my fluttery chest

    i love my anger

    i love my flatness

    i love my wall

    i love my blankness

    i love my it doesnt matter im just a security guardness and i wouldnt care if you were giving birth in handcuffs and starvingness im still gonna do my jobness and smile and pretend im being compassionate under politeness and hide waht i feel and be that robot that soldier that theater doorman

    i love my anger and my rage and my feeling of unheardness and powerlessness hopelessness

    i love my disconnect

    i love my desperation

    wooh

    i love my calmness

    i love my sadness

    i love my crushedness

    i love my sap juicing out crushedness in my heart pussy sap of fruit out of crushed heart oozing ness

    i love myself

    i love all of me

    i love my tongue stick out blaaaaaaahhhhh dinasour noises ness

    i love my embarassment

    i love my fear

    i love my sobs

    i love my pffffft lips wiggle

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:56pm

  61. 61: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia – sorry for sending any punishing, making wrong, and judgement energy at you

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:58pm

  62. 62: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel fear looking at ‘nice square people’ i judge so many ppl this way

    i feel scared they will smile at me and yes of course dear and NOT connect with me! just gas me! gas chamber me with a smile and a non attnetion like a school front desk lady

    no no you’re not allowed to do that honey… here’s the gas chamber… do you have yoru shoes? okay they go over there… ok bye honey

    i love my ‘stuff’

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:00pm

  63. 63: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i realized the truth that we CHOOSE to die anyway. we suffer so much thinking we can die without our consent and thinkign of other people dying without their consent we feel sooo bad. and actually we really believe that until the very last times when we are like omg it actually IS a choice wow

    i’ve chosen to ‘not die’ a few times in this life already

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:02pm

  64. 64: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    woohoo daria is on a deep roll today

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:04pm

  65. 65: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love my punishing, making wrong, and judgement energy.

    I love my fear of it.

    i love my judgements of myself for using it as a tool

    i want to forgive myself

    they said punishing making wrong, and judgement energy is ‘bad’. and its ‘bad’ to communicate that way. and im ‘bad’ if i do.

    and i believed them

    i fell for those beliefs like a fish hooked in water… and reeled out

    and they’re not true!

    i give myself permission to shift those beliefs now

    hehe compassion to me

    compassion to my dad

    compassion to my fam

    compassion to that ancestor human that belived it

    in this punishing thing awwwwwww

    (((((ancestor)))))

    (((((me)))))

    i love that i can heal

    i feel so seen and supported by you ancestors!

    thank you for being here for me

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:06pm

  66. 66: lkNo Gravatar says:

    daria, can you see your family ? i need mine right now & i don’t know how

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:08pm

  67. 67: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – (((Lizka))) don’t do anything… theres nothing to do!

    just do toher stuff think about other stuff… and when he comes with his STUFF think: ‘yes’ to open up, say no if it doenst feel good, say yes if it does…

    and don’t do anything to encouage or create a meeting or anything

    nothing but being warm and smiling and truthful even with sad stuff

    im feeling kinda disappointed we havent seen each other

    im feeling kinda sad and distant from u

    im feeling great

    im feeilng relaxed at home

    are all easy fun open warm things to say while opening my heart

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:09pm

  68. 68: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria Im really feeling triggered not by your words but the assumption that you think I dont know certain things and your ultra sensitivity. I am a very practical person and have worked very hard to shift my energy and focus. I do love myself dearly and know exactly what I want. I dont read into everything and I let myself feel what I want when I want I remain oen to myself. When I am triggered and feel like shutting down I open up. The assertion you have is that I dont know what you are saying and although I appreciate your sentiments I feel very pushed by you and feel talked “down” to. I know your words come from a place of wanting to see me have everything I want in love and life but your assuming that I dont already know what makes me tick. I am wholy open and thank you for your words but I am beyond this in my relationship experience and I really need to know what words to use with E tomorrow when we have the ability to talk. If things fall through with B I am fully happy to move on and I know about staying open to me and experiencing love fully. I experience it every day and that is why I am opening the door for E once again. I know I dont have to but I will because he gives me love on some level. If he is not serious and cant follow through which is my guess he wont, I will shut the doorforever. Let me just help you Daria to understand, no because I have to explain it to you but because I want you to know. I was at the gym the other day and this very great looking man, a friend of my daughters, its her father. He is gorgeous, not a serious concideration for me but he loves to see me. I know without a doubt I could date him but I am comfortable to just know hes there for now. He gives me eyes that think Im sexy and talks to me, and flirts with me but its ok because I chose B right now. There are many other many in many other places that I am open to but I dont go there. I know I am lovely and beautiful and that I dont have to settle. I stopped settling. I keep saying it but B is committed and open. I dont need to take in all of he other energy from the rest of the world now (unless I want to) because what I have is wonderful. I know I have the ability to chose and the openness to attract many men. I have not shut the doors if things with B dont work. I have simply allowed mysel to have all of them in one man, which IS possible. I also know that love is everywhere and I am open to all of it. I feel thankful that I can say that and thankful to you for pulling that out of me as I know no matter how things turn out I have all the love I need flowing from me and into me. I am not at all worried or wondering just want the dialog tools with what to say to E. Just need a little something from Rori’s Love scripts that might help me in this very complex situation where I desire the type of love both of them give. My words are powerful and I am powerful. Im sure I will be fine. I simply asked the question here not to get in a debate about whether I really know my power in Love but assistance in being in love with not only me but another person. There are many that I love and only one I want to marry. I dont feel unheard any more Daria I understand what you may see, however I live in my world and know my interactions every day with the man Im with and what I want to say to the one I came back. He stated that I was his miracle and an Angel. I will tell him that he needs to show me that and follow through with his words because any man I want to be with will have to show me every day that I AM his miracle. I will tell him what I need. If he doesnt call or follow through I will carry on with B as I have been because I know that he shows me every day how he feels and what he wants. He comes to me and takes me out and just recently took me to the beach, he is present and very full of heart and love. He may not even need inspiration but it is more about money for him and I suspect E too. I am excited to see how this turns out..They both love me soo much, yes even E but he just has yet to follow through and if he doesnt then its ok…I always have options. Daria you did really help. Makes me feel AMAZING!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:10pm

  69. 69: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lk – i can feel them… mmm… one easy way is imagine a place where thers all the doorways k, and a doorperson (get curious about this doorperson and interact with them).

    Ask the doorperson to open the door for you that takes you to being able to connect and feel your ancestors whenever you want in a feel good way…

    when the doorperson opens the door jump through it!

    ok… after that…. that will definitely make your intent heard !

    and then, just ask the ancestors, ancestor to come to you … imagine seeing them, hearing them, feeling them… whatever you want!

    whatever your imagination shows you that feels good is TRUE and you can count on it.

    the more you trust the more you will open up and the more you practice the more you trust

    and its all good!

    and then you can always connect from now on i give u permission to always connect whenever you want

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:13pm

  70. 70: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria.

    We’re in a specific situation right now, but I’ll try to follow your advice anyway.

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:15pm

  71. 71: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ouchie!

    i LOVE my ultra sensitivity

    they said my ultra sensitivity can trigger people and i believed them

    i fell for that belief hook line and sinker

    and its not true!!!!!!

    i give myself permission to shift that belief now

    mmmm relief!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:15pm

  72. 72: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry!!

    i LOVE MY ANGER

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:16pm

  73. 73: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks to everyone who responded to my keys question on previous post.

    No. He is not asking me to move it. I know that.

    And yes I do think it is a sweet jesture and feel good about it.

    And Mel yes I am going to use the stuff you said about saying how it still feels best to recieve invites, and how that makes me feel really femine.

    That’s great :-)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:17pm

  74. 74: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria that energy triggers me and it is good as it gets me to think and makes me excited and I feel challenged to explore…its what we come here for.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:18pm

  75. 75: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((Daria))) thank you…. i really really really intend to live in the magic for a few days ……… & to see what all there may be for me in this new place……… & in these new places : )

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:19pm

  76. 76: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i dont want to be talked to this way

    i dont want to feel judged

    i dont want to feel like im being lied to/told beliefs that arent true and like i its not safe to trust someone to be truthful to themselves and to me

    and i dont want to judge and i dotn want to feel all lost

    and i love my lost feeling

    and i love my mistrust

    and i love my anger

    and i love my joy and my smile

    i feel good i feel powerful

    i feel pinched in my chest i feel scared

    i feel fuzzy eyed i feel fuzzy brained i feel sp;aced out trauma go blank go numb disconnect

    i love my disconnect

    mmmmmmmm

    this is how i feel no pain when i fight!

    the adrenal juice flows and fills me

    i love my adrenal juice!

    i choose to feel nourished and healed by my adrenal juice!

    yay!!

    thank you!!!!

    weeeeeee

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:19pm

  77. 77: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    that energy triggers me tooooo
    it feels like “be careful with me or i will break and it will be your fault”

    experienced it recently back and forth with CF.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:20pm

  78. 78: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Daria when I read this article I felt appreciation towards the process that you are constantly sharing here. I feel deep in my gut that you are constantly uncovering many subconscious patterns and I found myself internally saying yes and nodding my head in agreement, thinking about you. I see you uncovering unconscious patterns that seem incredulous.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:20pm

  79. 79: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    So Sorry Patricia omg. I feel concerned it can feel awful to be “with” me when i shut down and close my heart omgosh

    (((Patricia)))

    i do not want to imply that you were doing any of those things that i felt like they were being done to me (being lied to etc) no matter what my voices are saying that you and me are doing etc

    i want to heal this and feel this hehe

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:23pm

  80. 80: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FeminineWoman i feel appreiciated and honored

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:24pm

  81. 81: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((blog))))))))))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:24pm

  82. 82: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla and LK i feel encouarged and seen yay! and i feel happy

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:25pm

  83. 83: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    right now im feelnig excited!!

    i feel so excited i felt that anger and moved through it to compassion omg!

    yay me

    high 5 Daria

    woooooo

    the blog rejoices!!!

    i rejoice!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:25pm

  84. 84: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria :)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:27pm

  85. 85: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel sad i feel heavy i feel powerless
    cf is not going to write back. it was too ‘feminine’ of me. i think he is fishing for me to take some of the masculine energy up. i don’t want to think. my head feels swimmy. i feel overwhelmed. i feel pain in my right shoulder all the way up to my ear.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:28pm

  86. 86: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im a practical person – i hear… Daria you’re not a practical person! omg this was said to me and i believed it

    they said i was not a practical person and i belived them

    they said it was boring and annoying and a sign of a small mind and of fear and a turn off and stilted to repeat the same phrase and do the same thing and run the same pattern and it feels exhausting and infuriating

    and i belived them

    i fell for those beliefs hook line and sinker

    and they’re not true!!!!!

    i give myself permission to shift those beliefs now

    omg joy

    sigh

    :)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:29pm

  87. 87: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “the blog rejoices!!!”

    they said it was shameful and bad to get stuck in anger and to judge and shame and yell at people

    and i believed them

    i fell for that belief

    those beliefs

    like a fish on a hook

    being reeled in

    and theyre not true!!!

    i give myself permission to shift those beliefs now

    hehehehehhehe

    :D

    hehehe

    wwooh

    sigh :)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:31pm

  88. 88: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    It really is OK Daria I am not a creature that breaks I hold up and know my heart and voice but am always learning, inside my relationships with men and out. I also learn with my interactions with women as I love them too. I shut down at times and become defensive and I am working on this as well. It is right and good. This interaction opens me up…however I have to explore this giddiness before I speak with E tomorrow as I do not want to push or invite him in any way. For him it will be very important for me to lean back and observe him and what he is willing and capable of doing. Rest assured B is not a liar and I have explored this in depth. I do not feel at all lied to or put off, I just dont like delays…lol theres my “boy” energy…I feel like doing so much right now but I know I dont have to so I wont. Im going to use my boy energy and clean something

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:34pm

  89. 89: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im not only practical and super practicing im happy and real and alive and natural and in tune and flowing

    i AM life i AM i am

    i feel soo good to write that

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:34pm

  90. 90: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels like my heart swelling

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:34pm

  91. 91: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, please do not assume what CF wants ;) Even if he knows it himself it may be very far from what you imagine. When I read your response I felt magic and he will feel it too

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:36pm

  92. 92: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((daria))) (((starla))) (((blog))) (((lk))) (((men))) (((humans))) (((today))) (((yesterday))) (((tomorrow))) (((dreamworlds))) (((telekinesis))) (((instantaneous transformation))) (((darlings))) (((ease)))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:37pm

  93. 93: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you memulo
    i could just cry right now

    last night i tried crying and they turned into tears of joy just remembering him.

    and i feel scared to admit that here because i don’t want to be judged as some puppy dog.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:40pm

  94. 94: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    My guy responded to the question if he can see me tomorrow night/thursday morning: Ok, anything up?

    What do I say? Yes, will tell you when we talk? Will feel better to talk in person?

    it doesn’t sound good this way and may leave him worried about me/our relationship.. I’ve done so much running around in the past couple of days that I can’t even think straight

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:41pm

  95. 95: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Starla))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:43pm

  96. 96: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    ‘judged as some puppy dog.’ OMG what is that supposed to mean? I know I want you to be happy relaxed stupidly in love out of control Starla. If that ‘s what you call puppy dog please bring it on ;)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:45pm

  97. 97: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    fwiw, I’m not judging you, Starla.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:45pm

  98. 98: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    I am confident I know what to say tomorrow and then I will lean back and listen and not accept excuses or less than I deserve. Happy for me!! Cant wait to see…maybe I’ll share what happens. Even if he doesnt call it will feel fabulous because its about my happiness and I am happy with or without him. My spirit is alive and inside me…hello God self..open to feeling fabulous!!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:46pm

  99. 99: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    memulo, just say, yes! i just found out i have to leave town for x days and id feel sad if i didn’t get to see you before i go!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:47pm

  100. 100: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    they said im a dreamer, i have my eyes to the sky, my head in the clouds, i dont live on earth, i dont have my feet on earth, im not solid, im not earthy, im not grounded (im not flowy and watery and majestic and powerful and huge, or fiery and bright and smoldering and intense and thrilling and attractive and hot, im not alive and green and fresh and juicy and crispy like celery. crunchy)

    and i believed them

    and its not true!

    i give myself permission to shif these beliefs now

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:48pm

  101. 101: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia, I’m having a hard time reading your posts.

    Could you break them down into paragraphs for us “older”sirens here?

    I’m sorry but it’s overwhelming.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:48pm

  102. 102: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i disconnected from my CD last nite and i see that now!

    i felt good and i will feel even better!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:50pm

  103. 103: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i feel good & i will feel even better !

    i’m “stealing” this, daria : )

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:53pm

  104. 104: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what if instead of heartbreak it was love birth, tranformation evolvement

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 2:55pm

  105. 105: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, thanks, I feel worried to tell him I have to leave over text, plus he may ask why ;)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:00pm

  106. 106: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    who cares what he may ask. methinks thou doth think too much. or something

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:01pm

  107. 107: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Am I putting myself in an impossible situation? I am so good at it ;)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:02pm

  108. 108: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, if he asks I will have to answer over text and that is exactly the situation I wanted to avoid

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:03pm

  109. 109: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i will be ok ! the world – we all!! – will be be ok!

    omg

    im seeing it

    feels so good

    love you all beings

    i love you love you love you

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:05pm

  110. 110: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca (101) its been a while and I will try to do better next time in breaking it down. Sometimes when I get excited and overwhelmed it comes out in my writing.
    I think I had answered my own question before I came here about E. The words I will use, “miracle and angel” were my key words.
    I will say, “I want to feel like your angel and miracle but what I need from you to feel that way with you is_______. I need your help because I want to believe in you and it confuses me when you say that but then you do_____and I dont feel like an Angel or a miracle. It makes me feel small and I want to feel big and amazing around the man who says he loves me.” and then just sit back and wait for what he says…no fishing required.
    Whatever he comes back with I will stick with that I am not letting anyone else or anything else go unless I have everything I want and a man whos willing to work on all of it with me…for E this means delivery over time and of a ring and a plan..thats all of his to do. If he fails then he can try again elsewhere…Thats the power!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:05pm

  111. 111: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    just tell him “feels like too much to text!”

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:07pm

  112. 112: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Perfect Starla thank you!!!!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:14pm

  113. 113: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    For now I am going to spend time with the man who has been there for me B. I am going to enjoy being with him and taking in all of the love he sends my way. He drives a very long way every week to see me and to be with me. YAY…I feel all warm and fuzzy around him when he just hugs me tight. I love it when I say how I feel and he does it more when it feels good and stops it when it feels wrong or hurtful. I love his heart for me and his words with me. I love how he shows me how he feels with his actions. I love HIM and this love feels good. Not sure if I want to trade that for Mr. Maybe. Unless Mr. Maybe has made changes to become Mr. What Makes Me Feel Wonderful!!
    I am not going to feel wrong for what I have with E because B hasnt made a firm offer yet with a ring. I have his heart but I want his full committment. I dont push that but I let it all happen when and if it should. Proud to take in all the love and not ask for a thing..

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:15pm

  114. 114: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    you’re welcome memulo
    i know how it is to have the expectation of ‘complicated’
    but step by step everything is actually really simple.

    that’s why i’m keeping my replies to CF under a few sentences now.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:23pm

  115. 115: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    well, shitttt, every time i have a new email, i’m like OH IT’S CF! and it’s not. it’s some spam or some facebook crap. it’s like waiting for the grad school letter all over again. son of a….

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:27pm

  116. 116: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Same here Starla. AndI feel so ridiculous.

    I usually don’t get that many people texting me, but in the last hour, my mom and 2 ex collegues have call me. Everytime, I jump…

    I feel silly and I know it’s not sireny at all…

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:37pm

  117. 117: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((lizka))))))))
    let’s take nice care of ourselves tonight.
    what are you going to do for the rest of the evening?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:43pm

  118. 118: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm Starla, I have nothing plan. I’m being super lazy. Haven’t leave the couch all day, watching stupid tv shows. But it’s true, I could do something to take care of me…

    I’ve been procrastinating for weeks about doing my pedicure. It’s gonna be sandals time very soon and I should give my feet a special treatment… Maybe I could do that…?

    Thank you for inspiration. And you? What are you gonna do to take care of you tonight?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:46pm

  119. 119: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am leaving work early and eating my favorite yogurt and buying myself something yummy for dinner.

    a pedicure is a great idea! maybe i will do that!

    or maybe i will walk to the fabric store for some upholstery for a project i’m working on.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:52pm

  120. 120: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((STARLA))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 3:52pm

  121. 121: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    :) I like your plan Starla.

    I feel so lazy that my own plan to take care of feels like a chore…

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 4:05pm

  122. 122: Virginia Feingold ClarkNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies,
    I’d like to clarify something. When I say “they treat these men as if they were nothing special, as if there were plenty more where they came from.” I’m not saying there aren’t a lot of great men out there, they’re everywhere!

    My point is that each good man is a missed opportunity to find your life partner, and as you keep going through men, precious time is going by. Unlike what happened to me, I’m all for you finding love sooner rather than
    later!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 4:37pm

  123. 123: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Virginia,

    Isn’t it more the case that women are hanging onto unsuitable men, rather than throwing away good ones?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 4:39pm

  124. 124: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I have a good one (man I mean). But there’s still something ‘not quite right’ about our connection.
    How would I know for sure if this was a true gut feeling, or a subtle form of my own subconscious sabotage?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 4:43pm

  125. 125: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Virginia,

    I think there is something so loaded for me in what you say at the beginning of this post:

    “Choosing your life partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.”

    For a perfectionist like me, making a decision like this is near-impossible.

    Perhaps for this reason Rori has hinted I may be a good candidate for polyamory!!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 4:53pm

  126. 126: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    la la la… home now. feeling lazy myself, lizka.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 4:57pm

  127. 127: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “When you find the man who’ll be beside you every day, it impacts every aspect of your life.”

    I know the gravity of this. Yes, the choice of life partner is a mammoth one. And so I never fully commit.
    And so I live in a kind of limbo.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 4:59pm

  128. 128: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – If this feels good to you, then sure, but maybe you’re not trusting yourself. Maybe you’re not trusting your process.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:01pm

  129. 129: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    so after almost three months of not Cding, I reopened POF. I got 20 emails, some of them see high quality men, but who knows. Talking to 5 of them, have 2 possible dates set for Saturday. One of them is acting a bit obsessive and he hasn’t met me in person I feel turned off, but then I see the old me in him, I wanted to control the outcome.

    I Like dating myself and being alone before I start Cding men, I feel so much confidence when I know That no matter what happens I have me.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:04pm

  130. 130: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, that sounds like it could be true.
    I would like to trust my process.
    I just feel trapped with a man who doesn’t quite ‘fit’. Yet my family and friends tell me he is brilliant and would do anything for me.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:05pm

  131. 131: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i dont care WHATS going on, i dont want to be talked to this way = I care about this and want to hear you , and i dont want to be talked to this way

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:09pm

  132. 132: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    My man is good, honest and hard-working. He loves me, but I feel that he sees and connects with me only in my surface layers.

    There is a ‘bad boy’ who, with a look, reaches into the deepest of me and takes my breath away. I feel so seen, so acknowledged. I thirst for this kind of connection with a man.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:14pm

  133. 133: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I found the motivation to do my pedicure. It feels fun and relaxing even if it still feel a little bit like doing a chore, cleaning or vacuuming…

    It’s 8 o’clock and ATW still haven’t call. This morning, he kind of seemed like he was worrying about me erasing him from my life when he said he was going to call me tonight…

    If he doesn’t call, I guess the best thing to do is to let go, and erased him from everywhere like I said I would do… It’s like a kind of a boundary that I set this morning even if it’s a non sireny boundary… SoI guess I have to hold it.

    If he wants to talk, it’s tonight. If he calls tomorrow, it’s too late.

    Am I wrong?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:15pm

  134. 134: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, and you women made of starlight.

    I’m feeling hella frustrated.

    Where is your fantastic creativity? Why aren’t you writing your book, your film, a new song, designing a piece of fabric, devising a stage play?

    When it comes to the point of doing pedicures to try to distract yourself from thinking about a man (a form of overfunctioning) I begin to despair.

    Come on you RockStars! Time to Rock it and make your mark on The World!!
    (I am talking to myself as much as you).
    Kisses

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:23pm

  135. 135: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    actually i am feeling anxious and afraid. i have felt this way on and off since my mom started kicking me out and lashing out at me. i have felt this way with every boyfriend. this feels exhausting. to just shift into this head space where reality is always ultimately based on some form of me not being worthy enough.

    “this is happening because i’m not good enough”

    and i think the person who is leaving or lashing out is also operating in some sort of reality that is always ultimately based on some for of them not being worthy enough.

    what is the way out? so far the best thing i’ve tried is loving myself as much as possible/as unconditionally as possible.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:23pm

  136. 136: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Awww April Rose… So inspiring… You’re right about the book… I should start writing… I wanted to do it for years… I think Is tarted my first book when I was 11… I have a lot of stories to tell… I should start writing…

    Thank you April Rose. I think I’ll start as soon as tomorrow. :)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:26pm

  137. 137: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    april rose, i love your rockstar motivation speech. it put a big smile on my face, thank you:D

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:29pm

  138. 138: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    I hope that the word ‘should’ will one day turn into “I’m passionate about….”

    I want that for you, and for me. To be passionate about our contribution to The World. Like Rori is.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:30pm

  139. 139: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Ohh april rose…I wrote 3 books and trust me men are way more fun than blank paper that doesnt talk back or rub your back or kiss you all over….
    I love to have a man, I go into my adult ego stage and otherwise, single Im like a little kid….give me choc. give me a hug…lol

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:31pm

  140. 140: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – There’s so much here, so much loaded stuff. It seems you are caught up in a fantasy with “bad boy”. Maybe he would be all you imagine, but maybe the “bad boy” stuff would end up destroying you. Maybe SO many things.

    You can create just this connection with anyone. You can change your thinking about your current man, and he may end up fulfilling your every fantasy, maybe ones you never knew you had.

    Try opening your self in all way to him. Try expecting nothing. Try being surprised at every turn. Try awe. It can be eye opening how a seeming simple shift in consciousness can change everything. Maybe everything you could have ever wanted is already right there with you.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:32pm

  141. 141: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I often feel sad because I am not doing something fun with my life. When I watch TV I look at these actresses and when I read a magazine I think of these fashion journalists and I tell myself, d@mm they’re doing something they like and me? Me I studied history and I’m working in sales. I hate sales.I like the glamour of it, I like working downtown, I like having an office, I like going after hours with the colleagues, I like wearing professional outfits and say “I have a lunch with a client” or “I have a meeting”, but I don’t like the job itself…

    And then I tell myself it’s too late, if I wanted to be an actress,I should have start younger and study in theatre, and if I wanted to be a journalist, well it’s too late already…

    And I don’t feel creative sometimes, because I don’t paint, and I don’t sing… but April Rose (thank you thank you thank you!!!) you just reminded me that I have the talent of writing. Ok maybe not in English, but in French, everyone has always told me that I have a nice writing and nice and creative way to say things… Plus I have a crazy imagination to build stories and I also know history and have the passion for research…

    WOW I COULD BE A WRITER! And never have to work in sales again!!!! And just do what I like every day.Be paid for writing! And maybe once I’ll have write one or two books, magazines will want me to write for them… ohhhh :) And I could always work from home or even go on trips for weeks and weeks around the world and write because we’re in 2012 and it is possible to write a paper for a Montreal magazine even while sitting on a beach in Thailand!!!

    Ok I’m not going to leave my job right now to start my new writer career, lol, but I could start writing. I could start tomorrow. At night. In the weekends.

    I could make my mark on the world and have my dream life!!!!!!!

    Wow April Rose, THANK YOU!!!!!

    (((((((((April Rose))))))))))

    Haha now I feel a little bit silly to be painting my toes nails when I could be making my mark on the world…

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:42pm

  142. 142: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, I AM PASSIONATE about writing!

    I just forgot! lol

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:44pm

  143. 143: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Right now I really believe I can heal myself with my own love. I am going to keep going. I have faith.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:47pm

  144. 144: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh wow, and while I was thinking and fantasying about my dream life as a writer, ATW texted me.

    He said he just came out of the office and will be with XY for a while (the YX guy is our old boss, he’s kind of his mentor I believe…) and will call me after.

    Well at least, if he’s not stepping up at all, he is pretty much reliable in general. 99% of the times, when he says he will call, he does… He just doesn’t often say he will call. Lol

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:47pm

  145. 145: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,
    Always happy to make you smile :-)

    And I mean it about the Rock Star motivation.
    “Create or be created” is a motto with wisdom.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:52pm

  146. 146: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique,
    You have blown me away.
    I will read and re-read what you wrote me.

    Deepest thanks.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:54pm

  147. 147: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lizka, painting toe nails is better than leaning forward. it’s turning energy toward yourself and loving on yourself as best you can instead of outwardly. not silly at all. you broke the pattern of leaning forward and are doing great! baby steps!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:54pm

  148. 148: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hey ! cool and ironic! i feel delighted

    i just shifted the belief i had that theres something to miss

    that its possible to miss something..an opportunity

    and i scroll up and as im reading these beliefs in others words im noticing it and feeling smily and loving and peaceful

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 5:54pm

  149. 149: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ok actually if i eat real quick and powder my face i can walk down to the hardware store before it closes and get the screws i need and over to the fabric store for the fabric i need.

    love to me and all my passions
    (((((((((starla)))))))))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:05pm

  150. 150: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I fear the menace of ‘missed opportunities’, and also can see it as a false belief.

    I just feel better (alive and excited) when I am engaging my creative juices rather than leaving them dormant as ‘potential’.
    I know I can enhance my own and others’ experience of being on Earth, by exploring and manifesting my unique creativity.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:06pm

  151. 151: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I see your unique creativity and conribution in your self-exploration shared here, and it inspires me.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:08pm

  152. 152: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh, Starla, what you making?
    Is it a fabric-covered footstool?
    ((((your project))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:10pm

  153. 153: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,
    ((((your painted toes)))) ((((your book))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:12pm

  154. 154: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol April Rose. My toes say thank you for hugging them!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:21pm

  155. 155: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m finally home from a 12 hour work day! I was starting to feel low midday and wanted so bad to lean forward and reach out to music man, but he texted me shortly after I got home. He seems like he might be a bit shy and a little unsure of himself (he said a couple of time friday night that he messed up his set even though noone could tell), so i don’t know how long he will stay around if I lean back all the time.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:22pm

  156. 156: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel scared and disconnected . sometimes when i noticed beliefs that didnt feel good to me in the past expressed by other beings, and i expressed that it didnt feel good and i dont want to believe that, i felt frightened and very sad receiving a response

    i dont want to feel that way

    (((Daria)))

    i am healing

    wow i feel awed and delighted with what i wrote there and the way im feeling

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:24pm

  157. 157: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess – “i don’t know how long he will stay around if I lean back all the time.”

    yes and you can heal your pattern of trying to do something to make a man stay around

    or pining after a man who is not

    and babystep to being ok by yourself … and receiving from those who are around and giving to you

    mmm streeeetching back…. healing ….

    you are the anchor

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:27pm

  158. 158: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    you can heal this especially if he does not stay around…

    instead of chasing after him or thinking about why he’s gone and how you coulda prevented it

    gently stretch back and put your attention on you and the lovely stuff in your life

    and you will have healed your pull toward a man moving away from u!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:28pm

  159. 159: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Great point Daria. Because I’m not being cold by leaning back, I do respond when he makes an effort.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:34pm

  160. 160: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Good evening everybody
    Well we made mozzarella in my class tonight….
    this is a pretty wild blog today…
    i liked what you wrote april rose about being in our creativity….
    but being sexual is to tap into the greatest creative power in the universe
    and that is my desire to bring in a partner
    that elicits bliss and creativity through estatic union!

    My creativity tonight is to sit in meditation again.

    my meditation teacher just called me and is going to help me with my meditation jitters on thursday.

    and today i leaned forward …

    he asked me a couple weeks ago if i knew anyone who had pansies and i saw my first beautiful pansies at a store today and so i texted him they were there in a store….

    and to make a long story short, i ended up feeling into my frustrations with him!

    we exchanged a ton of texts and i still feel angry but he said he is thinking of me, that nothing is changed, that he appreciates me and thanked me….

    so i guess it turned out okay, i felt better afterwards and it felt really good to just be honest and authentic instead of trying to come up with feeling messages that don’t feel like me….although i did throw in some really good fm also….

    but it really made me feel how i don’t like or want what is happening between us and how i might be done with being patient……

    i just don’t understand why when i ask the universe if my karma is done with him, or if it is over, i don’t get a yes…..instead there must be something inside me that i have to learn about, so i can truly let this situation go.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:40pm

  161. 161: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel much better than this morning.

    I think if ATW doesn’t call me tonight, I’ll be ok with erasing all that stuff from my life tomorrow morning.

    One of my ex collegues who just gave birth invited me for lunch tomorrow. Should be fun. So I’m going to wake up early and go jog and then get ready for this lunch. This should keep me busy for a while. And after that, I’m gonna start working on my book. I already know what it’s gonna be about.

    ((((((((LIZKA))))))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:51pm

  162. 162: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    OMG i feel so much better…i knew my meditation teacher would help….we are still going to talk on thursday….but tonight he said that i was feeling all the ‘criticism energy’ in my space that i was releasing, since i am meditating on coming into ownership of my body and this criticism energy is having to leave and he just said to just ask if i was feeling criticism energy and be accepting of the feeling, but not become it.

    Ohhh, i so much want to stop criticising myself and love myself.

    I am going to do that meditation again and be gentle with myself or if I am not feeling gentle, at least I will know that it is that criticism energy from my childhood rearing its head again…..

    I have felt really vulnerable since my last meditation class and feel like crying a lot and have been anticipating being criticized…..like tonight I thought the dept head who helped me run my class was going to say i did a crappy job teaching how to make mozzarella….

    but she was super helpful and did dishes for us and came up to me at the end and told me that it was a fantastic class…..

    oooohhhh, i grew up with so much criticism……it feels so hard to believe in myself……

    i feel such a hardness in my heart now, it feels like a shell I want to break through that shell

    now i will meditate….

    thanks for being here and giving me space to just be

    ((((((Daria)))))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:52pm

  163. 163: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka (from 2 threads ago, the one about alcohol): Im so glad my words helped. That makes me feel happy! I **love** your planned words you wrote in your replies to me!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 6:57pm

  164. 164: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol Gingersky I don’t remember these “planned words”, but I’m happy you loved them.

    xoxoxo

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 7:04pm

  165. 165: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Dominique….I tell guys straight up on first dates that i dont stay with any guy who neglects me….seriously
    I just wont.
    Its easy.
    I say. I feel bored with anyone who is going to try to booty call me or not call me all the time or visit alot.
    I repeat it if they were attentive and slow down.
    Its nice to say it right early so that if hes looking for just ass…he will lose ur number.
    SOme guys like it cause then they see you want to get attention and you want to be adored….alot
    One of my guy friends said that he thinks women are too self sufficient…the ones he dated and they seemed to be bothered if he called alot…so he slowed down.
    Tell them what you like!
    THey might like to give it to you!
    Its easier on first dates cause you dont know them or care about them yet and no investments means quick honesty…
    he might say ok but I like to see my guy friends a bit and i dont like it when girls stop that…
    I say done.
    He says done.
    and then you can see if hes on the right wave length with you regardless of his past relationship styles….
    I flat out need attention and I wont remember a guys name by the next week if he calls like once in 7 days….I say oh WHo?
    I dont remember you….
    he says yah, I took you out last week…
    I say …no sorry. dont remember
    Difficulty increased big time
    Attention given.
    No misunderstandings.
    Try it LIZKA! Maybe your men want to be around alot too but they arent sure???

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 7:08pm

  166. 166: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Going to the gym with my Beau….first time in almost 2 weeks!
    I feel so happy.
    I am in terrible pain.
    How can I feel both at once?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 7:09pm

  167. 167: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Jessie post 165!!

    I feel super inspired. Will try that!!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 7:17pm

  168. 168: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    I really love Virginia’s words here.

    And I have a Q for Rori prompted by the 2009 blog entry about Don ‘t Walk On Eggshells. Rori, you recommend walking out, leaving etc, in these kinds of interactions, & I believe I understand the reasons & how this plays out with many men as you say.

    But what do you suggest when I’m dealing with this kind of moody man but he experiences walking out as the worst, most violent, hurtful, unacceptable, controlling, manipulative, uncaring thing any person can ever do… it’s a dealbreaker for him… and he never walks out on me anytime, no matter what, no matter how much conflict, or how upset or whatever I am, no matter if he ‘s tired or exhausted or busy. NSM has totally broken up with me now, though he loves me very much, and he’s underlined it in many ways… we’ve had depthful, loving, businesslike, & other conversations about it, as recently as yesterday and today :( I am *deeply sad. we couldn’t work things out, and in a lot of emotional pain everyone here is feeling… and he is adamant. I’ll never get him back. But I agree with his ideology on this idea of walking out. My Beloved Ex has the same practice/ideology… and I experience that it seriously works! It makes you get down to the underlying triggers etc, & get super close again. But I’ve been awkward, scared, triggered, etc… walking out was always my way to escape or control or play victim & *avoid* growing! I wanna be better at it when I’m feeling scared by the man’s anger… any suggestions for couples who have a no-walking-out rule/agreement they truly love having? Thanks!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 7:24pm

  169. 169: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s 10.30 and ATW still haven’t call. He probably still is out with his friend/mentor/whatever, they usually go out late… But why did he said he would call me?

    Oh well, too bad for him. It’s gonna be hard, but if he doesn’t call tonight, that’s it. And I’m going to hold it this time. I’m gonna try very very hard I promise. I’ll do it for you Lizka because I know that’s what is better for you.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 7:30pm

  170. 170: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    IM FEELING SO HAPPY!

    I LOVE MEN AND RECEIVING MALE GIVING ENERGY

    OMG IM FEELING SO GOOD

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:06pm

  171. 171: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ginger Sky – men in male energy don’t walk out (though its preferable to getting abusive).

    They’re gonna hang in there, keep coming at you, keep trying.

    Women in feminine energy say no, and move away.

    yes some men won’t like this. they can even follow you shouting at you and try to knock down your door. (my parents have)

    they will say its disrespectful and they feel awful

    .

    and walking away WORKS. it works and it HEALS the relationship.

    you can say this as youre walking away.

    ‘sorry, i really want to hear you, and right now i can’t. I feel like i can’t handle this and i need to take some time to myself.’

    let the man feel through his abandonment triggers. He will make it through and he will feel stronger.

    And he will feel an INNER respect and attraction for you. one that is FELT, not thought based on what he thinks should happen.

    and the relationship will heal.

    you may notice next time a similar situation comes up, that it will play out differently

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:12pm

  172. 172: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    everyone deserves and is entitled to ALONE TIME TO HEAL AND REST WHENEVER THEY NEED and WANT IT

    its essential to healthy relationships

    someone who is great at taking care of themselves will take the time to heal and reconnect from a loving place later

    someone who is respectful and committed to growth will respect another’s choice to take time to rest and heal

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:15pm

  173. 173: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    If your breast is bleeding, you cannot feed the infant healthy milk!

    you heal your breast and then can feed the infant

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:16pm

  174. 174: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ouch @sacrifice ouch at believing in the need for it

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:16pm

  175. 175: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Daria!!! :)

    ok…so I want some help…

    There are few of us doing a run called the Dirty Dash…and Rugby Man and I are going to do it with a team of MY friends…that being said…it’s $50 dollars each…

    Do I say…”oh baby…the race costs $50″ and leave it at that?

    What do you Sirens think? He always pays for everything…and I’m feeling nervous asking him to pay for us…but I want to register us soon…

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:17pm

  176. 176: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bored with someone who doesn’t come see me often

    hehe yaaaaah

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:20pm

  177. 177: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly – hmm ok so for me what comes up is

    “i want to register us soon”

    ok thats me going into boy and from here on i feel myself tense and get anxious and….

    thats not what i want

    i would say hey… mm can i talk to u about something?

    he says yeah

    i say : mm im feeling anxious about signing up for that race. I dont want to wait any more to sign up. What do you think?

    he says: sure baby sign us up

    so you say: “how do you think we should handle the payment?”

    and he says: hmmm i think…

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:24pm

  178. 178: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    or he might respond to the first round with

    oh ill handle it, what do i have to do?

    and you say, oh i feel so glad, here’s the site to sign up. THANK YOU.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:25pm

  179. 179: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    well even “oh baby the race costs $50, how do you think we should handle it?”

    or “oh baby the race costs $50, im feeling all embarassed and awkward talking about money… how do you think we should handle it?”

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:27pm

  180. 180: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you April Rose, i feel seen and admired and honored and it feels heeeeeeeee :) happy

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:29pm

  181. 181: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria…I like that, thank you :)

    Actually…honestly I think I want to sign us up soon before I change my mind…hmmm….it’s taken me 2 weeks to get aligned with wanting to do it… and he wants to do it…so I don’t need to go into boy energy…this feels good…

    I know I have “nervous feelings” about men paying for me all the time…

    I want to heal this…

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:30pm

  182. 182: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria!! :)

    I can do this :)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:32pm

  183. 183: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh i feen inspired by Starla’s furniture creation!

    now i want to create a footstool with fabric with the print of black and grey dogs from the “Love Pink Victoria’s Secret” logo

    hmmm i love you Daria

    i feel so freed

    my spirit feels so happy

    my lil girl feels DELIGHTED AND SEEN AND LOVED

    mmm i feel HAPPPPY

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:33pm

  184. 184: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    you CAN do this Jilly! how about sinking into those icky feelings of embarassment around receiving and giving them some love and hugs and assurance that it is ok for them to be here and you love them and you love you and no matter WHAT happens and how embarassed and unworthy you feel and how ashamed you would feel to be called out as selfish and shallow and a user and a gold digger and a cheap woman and spoiled and unattractive,

    you will be ok and you honor you and love you and you are WORTHY

    wow hows that for MY triggers wow :)

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:35pm

  185. 185: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    wow …yep…that about sums it up for me lol

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:37pm

  186. 186: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol yeah it is OK to be given to all the time

    its actually a great blessing to the world to receive its giving!

    mmm

    and it deserves praise and honor to have that ‘job’

    omgosh!

    and there are men there who WANT to just keep on giving to me!!

    they want to give me what hte other guy said was not ok

    love to me!

    im feelina lil trembly!

    are you sure daria?

    yes ! and i will do some belief shifting on this for you

    They said its not ok to be given to all the time without giving back

    its not healthy

    its not nice

    its not the way ‘it’ works

    its not appropriate

    its evil and its predatory

    and i believed them

    i bought that belief hook like and sinker

    and its not true!!

    I give myself permission to shift that belief now
    ….

    omg my DELIGHT is plenty giving back!

    its bringing DELIGHT energy into the world and shifting the energy of the world to DELIGHT!

    omg

    that feels amazing!

    oh my GOD

    and it opens my heart up to the man so he can get closer like he wants!

    it lubricates me and eases me to love him!

    oh my wow

    ohhhhhhhh woww

    i love receiving!

    thank you thank you thank you!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:46pm

  187. 187: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol yeah it is OK to be given to all the time

    its actually a great blessing to the world to receive its giving!

    mmm

    and it deserves praise and honor to have that ‘job’

    omgosh!

    and there are men there who WANT to just keep on giving to me!!

    they want to give me what hte other guy said was not ok

    love to me!

    im feelina lil trembly!

    are you sure daria?

    yes ! and i will do some belief shifting on this for you

    They said its not ok to be given to all the time without giving back

    its not healthy

    its not nice

    its not the way ‘it’ works

    its not appropriate

    its ev*il and its predatory

    and i believed them

    i bought that belief hook like and sinker

    and its not true!!

    I give myself permission to shift that belief now
    ….

    omg my DELIGHT is plenty giving back!

    its bringing DELIGHT energy into the world and shifting the energy of the world to DELIGHT!

    omg

    that feels amazing!

    oh my GOD

    and it opens my heart up to the man so he can get closer like he wants!

    it lubricates me and eases me to love him!

    oh my wow

    ohhhhhhhh woww

    i love receiving!

    thank you thank you thank you!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:47pm

  188. 188: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    april rose, you saved my life tonight!

    after i read your comment, i suddenly found my moping, sad ass on my feet, shoes on, scarfing down broccoli to make it to the hardware and craft store in time, lip gloss on, bam, out the door.

    the walk down there felt amazing. It is springtime and the trees are loosing their blossoms and are smelling leafy and fresh now…i just love it! The breeze felt amazing and I felt my whole body just unwinding with the settling dusk.

    i felt happily lost in the aisles of fabric, visualizing color schemes and textures and stalking the same 4 choices to the point of looking like a creep, i’m sure. :D

    then i felt exhausted and hungry, so i took myself for a sandwich and brought it home with me.. and here i am, nice and sleepy and relaxed!

    what a big break in my pattern! especially my vibrational pattern. woohoo!!

    i feel thrilled:D i totally unwrapped my energy for substantial chunks of time just pursuing my passion tonight. how awesome is that??

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:50pm

  189. 189: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “my lil girl feels DELIGHTED AND SEEN AND LOVED”

    this feels like the perfect way to describe why i love doing these little projects! I could never put my finger on what it was that i loved about it but now i can! It put a big smile on my face to read this.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:55pm

  190. 190: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I just had an awful conversation with ATW. This guy just can’t take a decision.

    I hate him and I feel like shit. He needs to dissapear from my life. I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t live like this one more second. It’s way too hurtful.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 8:55pm

  191. 191: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((lizka)))))))))))

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 9:04pm

  192. 192: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Know what’s weird? Since I broke up, even though we haven’t made it public knowledge yet, several men have suddenly started hitting on me on fb. Weird.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 10:00pm

  193. 193: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Aw, Lizka. :(

    Starla, thanks for the hugs earlier.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 10:01pm

  194. 194: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    So, “my guy” has contacted me a couple times, in gentle feel-good ways, and I have responded with authentic FM’s…. “Feels great to hear from you… I feel sad… I miss you… I feel grateful for the good times we shared…”

    He expressed that he feels the same.

    I wonder what will happen now.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 10:04pm

  195. 195: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, how are you feeling now?

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 10:06pm

  196. 196: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Gingersky,

    I feel interested in what you wrote about walking away:

    “walking out was always my way to escape or control or play victim & *avoid* growing! I wanna be better at it when I’m feeling scared by the man’s anger”

    I also really like what Daria wrote about the masculine energy of staying and the feminine energy of walking away, and I agree with it pretty much.

    I wonder though… Are there times when some of us DO use walking away as a way to avoid growing? A way to avoid intimacy? A way to run from uncomfortable feelings – to short-circuit them – instead of allowing ourselves to stay and fully feel them?

    If so, what can we do when we feel “scared by the man’s anger”?

    Actually I think I read something about that in a book recently. I will go look for it.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 10:13pm

  197. 197: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Lizka….dont get rid of him, enjoy life without him lol
    If hes no good to you, tell him, well that conversation just put you down as a low number on my list. Then, I would ignore his calls for like 2 -3 weeks…trust me, it will make him crazy and maybe you too a bit….when he finally gets you he will be a sorry person and you will have taken the power back….i think you hurt because he seems to have the power or control right now and you have to dance in the wind….take it back!
    The silent treatment is wonderful….a mini-time out and sound sooo happy when he gets hold of you next time so he will feel upset that you have fun without him….fake it if you didnt!

    Its better than yelling (not that you seem like doing that) and it is better than letting them see you sad! That gives away your power too…lol
    Not that i know anything but I feel so bad that you are down and I think you will make it…
    by next month, he will be old newspapers
    by next month, you will have forgotten all about today!
    Hope you feeel better
    dont take my advice, cause i dont know anything….

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 10:49pm

  198. 198: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I made a very basic profile on pof and looked around a bit and saw a few interesting guys and

    I feel guilty!!! :(

    I did break up with him, but it doesn’t feel “final” to either of us, and I think he would feel really crushed if he knew about pof.

    :(

    I love him.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 10:58pm

  199. 199: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #171 (& #172?) ((((Daria)))) Thank you SO much!!! This is really revelatory & depthful for me…wow wow wow. I feel very excited, calmed & more wisdom & way shifted to think on this & shift into it. Deep changes already are happening in me from what you shared! I feel free! I feel matured, savvy, safe, precious & skilled & queenly! #195 Lucy Thanks! I`ll be eagerly watching for it… thanks for your thoughts on this… it feels really good to mesh thoughts on it & see what comes out…. it feels like revelation in the lines btwn things & healing. I wanna not escape or control & I`m excited to try this, & feel where the True lines fall & the righteous chi falls btwn not walking dysfunctionally, yet getting this like Daria described. I feel a lot of trust in you, Daria.. I feel honored & special that you`d answer my Q & spend time & give me your experience! I feel blessed to have my Q answered. I feel safe.

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:13pm

  200. 200: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    I see that one of the biggest things I need to do is change toward letting the man be uncomfortable & not always trying to fix his discomfort, even when it scares me. I do this codependency so automatically it`s instantaneous & compulsive sometimes (like my Mom too & like how I had to be with her b4 she healed). I see the dynamics in this. I feel excited, calm & like flowing fresh safe waters flowing in me from shifting on this!

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 11:24pm

  201. 201: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    “We all have subconscious sabotage; it keeps us eating too much, buying what we don’t need and pushing good men away.

    Yet, it’s something you can change once you become aware of it.

    The subconscious controls your habitual ways of being in relationships.

    For example, it will show up as a lack of self-worth or confidence, which makes it hard for you to set boundaries.

    You have to recognize what the habitual thoughts are that aren’t working for you and change them. When a subconscious belief that is hurting you is made conscious (when you become aware of it) it will get “neutralized” and no longer “run you.”

    There are many ways to get at your subconscious beliefs, but three excellent ones are hypnotherapy, coaching, and guided imagery.

    Looking for love is a serious business.

    If you’re really serious about looking for love, you have to take the bull by the horns and do these three things.”

    This is me, and no I don’t take looking for love at all seriously, maybe I feel better off being on my own?

    I’ve already been married, had kids so no urgency there, do I even REALLY want a sweetie at the end of the day? mmmmmm I will have to think about this today, thank you Virginia.

    What is guided imagery?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:10am

  202. 202: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    ((Starla))
    ((lk))
    ((Lizka))
    ((Daria))
    ((Patricia))
    ((Sirens))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:43am

  203. 203: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm I feel soo tired and feeling very bored and weary of waiting for my CDs to step up. Yawn!!!

    Ive been wondering why arent they calling me…will I never meet someone…they prob already have a girlfriend….I am unlucky as usual…blah blah blah so many NVs. blech. Too much focus on THEM. Needs to be on ME.

    oooh tomorrow I’m going to do some beauty stuff for myself!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:46am

  204. 204: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I’m realizing that for so many years, I really abandoned myself!!! I used to take finding love seriously, then at some point I just gave up it seems…and got into some bad stuff with the wrong guys…very very self abandoning. How did you let yourself do that Emerson? Aw it’s ok we are fixing it now it will be ok!!!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:01am

  205. 205: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg. I AM A BOUNDARY HOLDER!!!

    OLYMPIC MEDAL!!

    wooo hoooo

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:09am

  206. 206: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg so this cute guy tried to have sex with me on the first date

    and i was the “anchor”

    and he was tryan get me to unroot and go to him or have me off balance some kinda way but i was just melted all over the furniture *inside of car”

    and so laid back

    and said no and looked him in the eye

    and then because actually i was the one who had the weed and i didnt think twice aobut it cuz i just wanted to smoke

    and not wait to have him buy it i just said yeah i have it

    and then he asked for some to go

    band i haerrd him on the phone with his cousin like yeah ima get some for over there and

    i was like no i dont actually feel comfortable to give u weed to go

    and hes like

    and im like

    cuuuuzz… its mine and i want it for myself…. LOL!!

    omg

    and then i got mega respect

    and great treatment

    like never ever

    befpre

    magic

    it was easy

    he still tried to hit on me

    omg

    i did it tho i got myself NOT offended an
    d

    communicated being angry

    and looked him in the eye as i was speaking

    and laid back

    like an anchor

    and open to him

    and not compromise not one lil bit

    he had great compromises for me

    and i said NO to the best of them

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:14am

  207. 207: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    HEy what do yall academic inclined Sirens think about this for Harvard Law school admissions:

    ‘Because Harvard law school is number one. Your facilities give lawyers a great chance of starting a great career. In the law field you have to be decisive not only in the courtroom but in the classroom.”

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:19am

  208. 208: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Virginia I am so sorry if i was rude to you here on this post.

    I feel sad to think you felt bad, and I wouldve felt bad if somoene suddenly said they didnt like my belief, I might feel bad. And i dont want to feel guilty. Im so sorry!

    (((Virginia)))

    I feel so bad

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:20am

  209. 209: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel horrified that I may have triggered even more uncomfortableness.

    OMg!

    i feel horrific

    i absolutely cant SANT this feeling!

    OH MY GOD!!

    wow i am standing it tho hehe

    i have strengthned my stomach muscles through breathing

    it was beacusse allt he energy moving through me doing the belief shifting

    it causes huge breaths to move through me

    i ama ahuman amazeing healing mabvhine

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:22am

  210. 210: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Daria!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:22am

  211. 211: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I F’d up and texted someone today that I should not have. I leaned forward. now I feel unattractive and like I fell into the trap of the pursuer. No more!
    I think I need a challenge like Lizka. I was going ok and I don’t know what happened this week…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:23am

  212. 212: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    actually not a machines at all just a projectinon of me into the clay realm yum im made of clay eat me baby im healthy for you i naturally heal aevry part of the boady

    i want that green clay a Siren wat recommending here caleld Argiletz…. sounds like Azureus which one can download any movie and any damn cd album in like 3 minutes whole album

    i love my life

    im a free human

    a free spirit

    wow i get that in a whole diff way now – free spirit – than before this moemnt

    its like “enlightened”

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:24am

  213. 213: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    YOU GUYS THIS LEAN BACK THING SO WORKS!

    IM DOING IT IN MY POSTURE AND ITB FEELS SOOOO CHALLENGING

    OMG AND IM DOING IT!

    OMG AND STAYING OPEN WHENI FEEL FURIOUS AND INSULTED AND JUST FEEL LIKE SLAMMING THE CAR DOOR BUT FEEL SCARED HE MIGHT SLAP ME CUZ HE MIGHT BE AN ABUSIER LIKE VERY MAN EVEN MY DAD HIT ME AND GRANDPA AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW BUT THAT DOENST MEAN THEYIR ABUSERS WELL SYES IT DOES BUT EVEryoNE RAISED THEIR AKIDS LIKE THAT ABUSIVELy = VIOLENTLY .

    VIOLENTLY = ABUSIVELY definitely.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:26am

  214. 214: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    well thats ok so everyone thinks kids would natrually be violent to each othe but i dont think so

    i think they are afeceted by our energy into this world

    yum

    yeah im about to shift that belief i been thought about it

    i am so smart

    i am so beautiful

    i am so unique

    what else do i wanna be

    i am so loved

    i am so happy

    i am so signficant

    i am so magnicificent

    i am so adored

    i am so known by the whole world

    i am so seen

    i am so popular

    i am so acknowledged

    i am so spoken well about

    i am so inspiring

    i am so healing

    i am so appreciated

    i am so widely appreciated

    i am so impactful

    i am so important

    i am so desavarsita

    i am so successful

    i am so accomplished

    i am so fulfilled

    i am so admirable

    i am so honored

    i am so worshipped

    i am so deserving

    i am so revered

    i am so sacred

    i am so safe

    i am so me

    im so royal

    im so magnificent

    im so dignified

    im so authentic

    im so godly

    im so divine

    im so holy

    im so majestic

    im so majestic

    im so majestic

    im so majestic

    im so majestic

    i m so majestic

    im so majestic

    mayestateh

    mayestateah ta i s waht people say to me

    peaple se inchina la mine

    they bow to me

    they worship me

    i am bowed

    crossed to prayed to

    worshipped to

    they say my queen

    where my foot touches the grass springs a blower

    an flower thtat is me

    i am jayestatea o f the firest

    the soul of the feeling

    the vuber og the bull

    im i just love worlds
    a
    nd typing right now

    it just feels heavently

    to adore and sadmrie and pray to myself

    and woshrip ne

    me me me

    its all for me

    it doesnt matter if it sa lll mispelled and its just meeeeeeee cwho knows what i mean they knowa htat i mean they FEEL ME

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:35am

  215. 215: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i WAS popular actaully VERY poopular and i was a leader, so aof course i didnt acquiesce to the rules and i built up my own following again

    and now agian i shall but this time i know last time i thought i wasnt popular and i didnt nunderstand

    ima BORN LEADER

    i am who i am and i i am who i am like paopeye the sialor man

    i t feels GOOD to me

    and i felt shocked to suddenly lose my crown

    and crowd i mean

    and then i could cnt comform

    im a leader!

    bu t i was still popular….!

    i just moved to a whle noew place

    and d i didngt get it

    i was udsed to adulations

    mmmmggggfhhhgggggg yeahh vhvhvhv

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:39am

  216. 216: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Romanian people aodore me… Theyc an thelp it!!

    im CHARMING!

    i was made to be prezidenta.

    an inflention goddess woman
    on the

    peoples pscyhe]]]

    healing out collective natironal soul and mind and psccyhe yeah

    with my new beliefs

    al from us

    from the soul of my people

    comes healed daria

    healing all my people

    and the world

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:40am

  217. 217: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    when stuff releases out my body it feels like im being exorcised. hehe

    i like TWITCh

    and feel all calm aroudn it

    hehe

    part of my body just JUMPS

    yum

    it feels delicious

    and i huff

    huff

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:46am

  218. 218: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    blow air out in bursts

    womphah

    releasing trauma

    like a wiledbest

    i am a wild beast

    i am a B*ITCH

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:47am

  219. 219: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    a human female bitch

    im raw

    raugh

    raugh

    im bad!

    rarrrrrrrgh

    im sooooo bad

    im raw raw raw

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:48am

  220. 220: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    a human female bi*tch

    im raw

    raugh

    raugh

    im bad!

    rarrrrrrrgh

    im sooooo bad

    im raw raw raw

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:48am

  221. 221: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im so fuchkin amazing!

    i just do me

    i only dio what i awanna do

    and i think about it…..

    and hesistat
    e

    an then go… NO! and throw my nose in the air

    I DONT WANT TO

    IM THE DIVA

    thats my attitude

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:49am

  222. 222: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thay area ON ME ladies

    omg!

    im really feelin respected now

    like those “tests”

    like he really just tried to have sex with me

    but i like the ones who do!

    and i really just said NO

    and it was really all good

    and i really took it theere and TALKED about how i m feeling

    and about feeling mad

    and about WHAT I FELT

    and thats it!

    NO “YOU”

    nothing!

    oh yeah

    and then he ASKED ME FOR WEED.

    FOR A GIFT FOR HIM!

    AND I SAID NO!

    and i still staid open

    and i said i felt mad

    and wow it STILL turned otu well

    and i have never been “tested” like that and “passed”

    and it wasnt like “on purpose” etiher

    it was just this guy was hella smart and thought he cuold gt away with it

    but i didnt budge an inch

    i didnt let SHIT slide

    and i dindt make him WRONG

    about ANYTHING

    i was SOOOO respectful of myself

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:53am

  223. 223: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    in the past, i have ALWAYS SHUT DOWN in such situations when i think the guy is out to “use” me

    but right now i feel so open i didnt want to judge him at all and just staid open AND felt mad

    AND STAYED open

    even to him touching and kissing me…

    AS CLOSE AND AS MCUH AS I ACTUALLy FELT COMFORTABLE AND NTO MORE!

    omg

    i was so all about me like i was relaxing at my house with a neighbor

    i LOVE that relaxed be myself feel safe and honored feeling

    and i GAVE IT TO MYSLEF!!!

    YEAH!!!’

    wwoohhh

    i am creating my onw life

    kickin it with ANYONE feels amazing

    being with ME even just now feelis amazing

    TEAM HEAL LONELINESS IVE HEALED LONELESIS WITH MY SUPER BELIEF CHANGE POWER

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:56am

  224. 224: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nutrition: Quail Egg

    Chakra Opening ENergy System: Margaret Lynch

    Beleif Change Power Tool… Apply.

    Result: Super Powered Human

    Female

    goddess healing

    tree of the tribe

    i am great grandomother

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:00am

  225. 225: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am truly fulfilling myself

    thanks for thinking of inviting people to groom my hair babe

    thats a great idea!

    i want people to do my hair

    and even sometimes play makeup with me

    with each other too!

    yeah and do my nails for me

    and massage me

    yeah i want that

    all the time!

    love to me :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:01am

  226. 226: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im also constantly ltettimng my body dance and move and stertech and jerk and im reshaping

    i breathed my stomach waht i read called Inverse Abdominal Breathing

    where you pull in the stomach as you breathe in

    and that feels likepulling through me mmmm pulling and flushing me

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:03am

  227. 227: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i ate crackers…

    what do i want to do with this Cumbrian wheat and water in my tummy

    i want my booty to get fat and perfectly shiny and smooth down to like an inch thickness in it if not more

    and i want it to get round and plump

    and i want to feel sOOO good and feel that thrill in my heart and that OH!

    evey time i see it

    i want to feel turned on everytime i see it and wanna download more!!

    like its MY butt that i want to save a pic of cuz it looks so AMAZING

    and ogmg yes

    i dt does and i ahve and i want to consistently and alwasy feel like that about my butt and about seeing my butt

    i shifted that belief

    im DEFINITELY turend on seeing my butt now

    wow i m like my spine is flexing up and opening me up and my toes are tingly and eyes are atery

    whoa

    omg

    its like my back puts that extra flex in it to stick it uout when i look at it now

    wow

    its in the way i carry myself i see

    i allwow myself to alasy feel turned on by my butt

    yah

    yeahhhhh

    feeels goodo

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:07am

  228. 228: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #210 Emerson

    I f*cked up this week too. :( Maybe it’s the moon or something??

    We can start again, I am on Day 2.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:07am

  229. 229: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg it looks sexy now ladies!
    o
    mg

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:09am

  230. 230: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i made my butt look sexy

    always!

    i never have to wwoorry about what angle im being looked at or feel insecure about it again!!

    and im feeling myself exercising my muscles in a whole new way!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:11am

  231. 231: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SMH “Nice to meet u luv .. I find u so attractive I just had to speak up.. wide it b okay if I steal u from yo man..lol”

    I love men

    soooo sexy to me this

    hehe

    i feel embarassed

    i feel like its BAD to be attracted to this

    this says bad boy

    and this makes me feel teary eyed and smily

    like yeahi know about you

    i get where youre coming from hehe

    youre trying to be all suave hehe

    making me smile hehe

    hmmmm

    hehe

    its ok to feel like this

    ok i shifted the belief that its not ok to be attracted to guys hitting on me

    i dont even know what i liek about it

    maybe its the romanticness of ‘stealing’ me from a man

    the ‘passion’ the excitemetn the ‘adventure’

    the being so wanted, so owned, so belonging so desired that id be ‘stolen”

    hehe

    and that i am found attractive

    hehe

    and i feel good beign called love

    i am love

    and i love the misspell

    on this one

    i feel good

    i feel comfy with the .. cuz i use em

    mmm i feel melted and tingly pussied

    mmm and now tingly eared

    and embarassed

    blushing

    to be writing this

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:16am

  232. 232: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Newness feels exciting!

    it doesnt have to be fear, or stress ! or ‘overcoming adveristity’ or ‘dangerous circumstances’

    it can be newness

    i love newness
    i love me

    i just discovered the source of excitement for me

    YEAH!

    what can i do that feels exciting!

    do something NEW!

    yeahhhhh!

    hehehehehee

    weeeeee that feels GOOD!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:22am

  233. 233: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i love things i practice and things i create mmm

    i want to meditate

    i want music

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:23am

  234. 234: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka I hope you get some sleep and I feel sorry you are feeling bad. I encourage you to look at how you set boundaries and your patterns around them. I believe since you have been writing I have seen you set boundaries and break them. I have experienced you going back and forth on your decisions. Yet you say he can’t take a decision. I would look at that. Maybe he is reflecting a part of yourself back to you?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:28am

  235. 235: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Confident

    CON … FIDELITAS

    with trust

    i am trusting

    i am with faith

    i am TRUSTING MY 1st mind and that is what my new miracle my practicing miracle is now

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:28am

  236. 236: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    to confide in

    to put your trust with

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:29am

  237. 237: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    when i think of working out

    my bodys horrified

    groans

    oh no says my heart

    no i dont want to

    i dont like it

    i dont feel good

    i dont feel good doing it (this is not true)

    i feel sick to my stomach

    i feel turny tummy

    i dont feel good

    i feel scared

    i feel tight

    no

    no

    no!

    i dont wana do it
    i wont do it

    no

    my butt feels tight

    NO

    io dont want to!

    i feel tired!

    no

    i dont want to

    no

    i dotn want to do it

    no

    i dont want to move

    no

    i want to relax

    i feel angry to feel disruppted

    in my relaxation

    i feel furious

    i feel angry

    i feel mad

    i awnt to heal this

    i dont like feeling this way

    i dont want to feelin this way

    i feel pinched in my wrist

    im pressing my wrist down

    i want to heal this

    i love my feelings i love my wrist

    i want to feel good

    i am a pianist

    i feel good

    i honor me

    i honor my writs

    i dont have to go numb

    i dont have to ignore it

    i dont have to disassoiate

    i an be wilth all of me

    i honore me

    i heal me

    i feel good om
    g

    i my shoulder
    ive been holding this energy in there

    and now im relasing ti

    i si ti wall about waht i was reiting about?

    what is that?

    what is that that i was writing about

    i want to heal my shoulder

    its ok to heal my shoulder

    wow ok

    yeah it feels uncomfortable to hold it in some ways

    ive been pressing on my writs for so long!

    i dotn have to do that anymore

    im choosing to heal

    i love me

    and oh yeah

    oh yeah

    what Was i talking about

    ywan

    i was talking bot

    ****

    pause

    i dont remember

    .

    it was about feeling sad

    i dotn have to anyomroe

    when?

    did i feel sad

    .////

    oi scrolled up

    working out

    yes

    i felt through that there

    riffed it

    and now my arm has awareness in it

    while i type

    im realizign i was not letting myself relax

    there

    lean on it

    the other side yes,

    this isde now

    the other side is way stronger?

    o feel confused

    im healing now

    i feel awed

    i feel silent

    i feel embarassed

    i feel full heart noursished

    i forgive myeslf

    wow!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:41am

  238. 238: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    working otu doesn t seem so bad

    and also i dont have to tense up with tth ec ompture

    i feel moved and i love feeling moved and i want my arm to fel good!

    i honro my arm!

    thank you arm!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:42am

  239. 239: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i shook it out

    it was from a fight

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:46am

  240. 240: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow im really feeling honored

    my left arm was set up for and my right arm was not

    i watn to care for both my arms

    even when i feel excited

    i want to care for my safety and wellbeing and comfort

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:50am

  241. 241: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    eow it feels differeny releasing the vigilance

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:55am

  242. 242: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay for the healing of my shoilder a,d now my toes

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:04am

  243. 243: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feelong good

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:19am

  244. 244: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Woke up feeling frustrated this morning.

    I almost signed up on pof.

    Almost.

    But then it took me three times before I could decipher the words to type in the little square.

    So I gave up.

    It’s usually a sign for me, not being able to decipher something.

    Also, I don’t want to operate on my impulses.

    I still believe he will come back.

    I’m just wondering why he’s taking so long to call me.

    It’s been three days.

    Feeling sad.

    Feeling blah.

    Feeling like I’m losing interest and I don’t want to feel like that.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:39am

  245. 245: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I was inspired to do Lizka’s palm up exercise last night when I went to bed.

    I asked the Universe to bring him back to me.

    I even put the same message in my Universe Box.

    Yet, I’m still waiting.

    I hate being left in the dark like that.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:48am

  246. 246: CrystaleyesNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh la la ..much excitement on the blog these days.

    Memulo..straight talking wont ever let you down , “I feel upset at some recent news and I need to share my plans with you”.

    Daria ..thank you for talking to Siren Patricia and engaging with her . I felt too tired to try.

    I also found it hard to read you Patricia (as Francesca said). Basically you read like you already know what each man is capable of and that E is not likely to offer what you want .. . You seem to doubt his long term viability.

    B you say you need to share your spiritual needs with and allow him the chance to respond. I feel very curious reading that. Its 6 months if I got that right..and you have not shared spiritual stuff ?? Or was that a lack of “connection”? Is it the individual man you “want” to bond to you ,or is it the relationship of your dreams you are still looking for?

    Either way Patricia I wonder if YOU are the one who is quite ready at this point to marry either of these men. i agree with Daria , keep dating them AND other CDs for now. You dont have to give them a Yes/No at this point .

    And Lizka , I felt sad for you but i liked the soft outside ,strong inside way you admitted that the lean forward old texting pattern you did (after 22 brilliant strong days )was not a good thing , and has in fact an outcome attached of wanting a resolution.

    I am still wanting a resolution too, nearly two years after my guys last text ..and i was STILL tempted over Easter to contact him ( I DID NOT!!! :) ) Keep counting the days Lizka and keep dating others.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:48am

  247. 247: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going to go shower now.

    Maybe that’ll help change my mood.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:49am

  248. 248: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Take the worthiness that is yours, and let the “Fairies of the Universe” assist you. Stop taking so much responsibility upon yourself, and live happily ever after. Shorten that crevasse between where you are and where you want to be, on every subject, to now, now, now, now, now. Ride the wave. Just pluck the fruit… You don’t have to be the one who puts it in the ground any more. You can just skip across the top of things and pluck the fruit of all of the things you want. “Oh, fruit. Oh, delicious this, delicious this, delicious this, delicious this.” In other words, it’s all right there for you; it’s ready for you to receive it as fast and as soon as you will vibrationally let it in.

    — Abraham —

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:56am

  249. 249: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    What do you think, ladies?

    Is this a good thing when they take so long to reach a decision?

    I’m feeling like all my positive thoughts these last days were for naught.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:04am

  250. 250: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Silver Moonbeam!

    I feel curious. You are on day 2 of what?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:04am

  251. 251: CrystaleyesNo Gravatar says:

    My current dating dilemma..

    Two guys have been seeing me regularly (and a couple of others I am CDing also).

    I am wanting to move one of them into a sexual context , probably the one i had a brief relationship with years ago. Call him ChopperCD. He is smart, funny , similar education and kids etc and I have known him for 6 years.

    The other guy is kind of fun , also attractive and available , lives further away but comes to see me regularly every few weeks, CD Unsure.Ive known him a few months He is unsure if its too soon for him to start a relationship, unsure if he lives too far away and behavior is entirely consistent with his inconsistent uncertainty :) he calls rarely unless he wants to come visit and I never initiate. I have told him that and he drops hints that i should invite him for a weekend sleep over.

    Neither one has my heart , but for personal physical reasons, I have been keen to get my physical Goddess self back on the horse..so to speak ..after the two year absence of sex from my life.

    I am prepared to sacrifice a possible “future” relationship by having sex with either one of them without a committed relationship. i am prepared to make either one a ‘casual”. Probably not both, though I am open to suggestion :)

    Given there may be some risk of attachment with sex It would feel better for me to choose Chopper as I know him well and we really could build something longer term. But I risk losing a possible really good match maybe by giving up the goods with a rather casual dating arrangement only . He is currently highly respectful and VERY good with understanding and feeling message communication.

    If i choose Unsure CD he has less to offer me , and less chance of being ready for more in relationship. Does that make him a better choice to experiment with? Maybe . But maybe not. I feel open . I am awaiting being courted and romanced.

    What feels FABULOUS to me is that I am a ROCK STAR . This is about my choice for what serves me best in the short term and the medium term..its all about ME.

    i feel a power trip surge at getting to choose what feels good and NOT be at the mercy of any obsessional thoughts about a guy.

    Yaay me!!! I LOVE BEING IN THE DRIVERS SEAT!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:27am

  252. 252: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies,
    I’m trying to catch up, but in the meantime, I have a question.
    Last Thursday, JT had texted that he needed to fly to California immediately and was asking my help about flights. I did what I could although he would not tell me why he needed to go (I did suspect unit had something to do with his mom). Anyway, I left him alone, figured he’d contact me when he came back. He texted me Sunday night to say Happy Easter, I just answered “tks” and backed off again. Long story short, he texted me a few times Monday, then yesterday he finally told me his mom hurt her back and asked me if he could send me the keys to his po box so I could get his mail and send it to him. I told him of course.
    So, a while later I texted that it would feel good to talk to him and if he had some time could he call me. He never responded and never called.
    My question is – do I just lean back (again) and let it go or text that it seems that he doesn’t want to call and that I wont ask him again?
    Thanks for any input.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:29am

  253. 253: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens,

    (((Lizka))) I’m sorry you are hurting sweetie. I have a really hard time with the no closure also when I really like someone. It’s hard for me to understand being warm and open to someone who disappears from your life, especially after long talks, when they reappear later. I guess you don’t let them back in if you don’t feel good about them, but I understand that you didn’t want it to end, wanted to give him a chance to hear you clearly, and see what he might do. I believe it’s ok to change your mind, do what is best for you or what you feel is right, without beating yourself up or blaming yourself. Time will help, everything will be ok. You know what you want, keep asking the universe, and she will provide. But no matter what, you are taking care of you, stood up for yourself and are moving forward with your life. Who knows who might be waiting for you at the new job? In the new apartment building? At the car dealership???? SO many new men are on the horizon for you….. you don’t have to try and make someone love you, the right man will show up, and he’s not going to let you slip away. All good things are coming Lizka, I promise. And it’s going to be soon.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:43am

  254. 254: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #246 April Rose

    Day 2 of leaning back from any leaning forward.

    Day 2 of Ella’s Get Back on Track team for healthy eating and exercise.

    Day 2 of getting out of my comfort zone as per the timely post above from Virginia.

    “2. You don’t fix what’s not working

    Human beings tend to like the familiar.

    We have a comfort zone we find hard to leave unless we’re really pushed.

    Life-changing experiences like illness or a car accident will propel you to make new and daring choices. But when life is just going along as usual, you can get lazy and avoid making the changes you need to be more successful with men.

    One example is the fear of “making waves” in a relationship.

    Instead of speaking up for yourself, which can be a real challenge, you’ll go with the flow to keep the peace.

    Or if you’re used to having your guard up around men, you don’t risk being hurt by allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

    You just stick to being the way you’ve always been because it’s easier than facing the fear of the change you need to make.”

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:00am

  255. 255: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy, I would let it go. I think anytime we feel the need to call/text to let them know we won’t call/text…. it’s better to just walk away, get busy with your own life and try to shift your focus to something else. If they aren’t in front of you, they don’t exist. I know, easier said than done… but I’m working on that coming second nature to me.

    Last night I went to bed feeling lonely. Wishing I had someone to hold me. I don’t often feel that way, but last night I did. I feel afraid to have a relationship with anyone but C, but I want more than what I have. Just not sure how to get to the place where I’m ready and open for someone new.

    I haven’t heard from Ohio since Sunday, and it’s not bothering me. I enjoyed the date, but there were things I really didn’t like either; started to hear a lot of blame for bad things in his life on an abusive stepfather, he talked about bad times, depression, a lot of focus on past relationships. I don’t feel like being in that space with someone new. I changed the subject a few times, but it kept going back there, so I listened. I felt relieved he didn’t contact me Monday, yesterday I didn’t even notice until about 8PM…. wonder if I will hear from him again, or if he will just poof. I have no expectations, just curious to see what happens next.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:02am

  256. 256: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and Day 2 since I put my notes to The Universe in my special little box, it’s a beautiful turquoise mirror box with a black velvet lining and it was sitting besides my bed………empty……….until now, there are 3 notes in there since yesterday, I hope “she” is listening.

    That’s twice I have noticed the Sirens referring to The Universe as she, Mel and Turquoise, I always thought of it as him or them……..

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:05am

  257. 257: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Good luck SMB, leaning back is getting much easier! I need to get back on track with my healthy eating and exercise. I can’t seem to focus on more than one thing at a time… either my health or a man. Not both. Going to shift and work on my health. That is part of loving me…. and I need to be my priority. Tht feels good to me right now.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:05am

  258. 258: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #247 Sassy

    I think JT needs to be put on the back of your horse……..for now……….start CD’ing and swivel your focus from him to YOU………….so easy to say, so hard to do……..

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:07am

  259. 259: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver, I like to think that “she” is on my side, like a best friend or mother earth. But, in the sense of giving and receiving, maybe is better to think of it as a he, because they are the ones supposed to be giving. Hmm…. going to contemplate that this morning! :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:08am

  260. 260: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I still haven’t done my universe box. I’m going to do it right now. Thanks SMB for the reminder!!!!! :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:09am

  261. 261: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #252 Turquoise

    You can join Ella’s team too then!! I am OK with food as such, but my downfalls are chocolate (why can’t I just stop at 1 or 2) and red wine (why can’t I just stop at 1 glass or 2)?

    “We all have subconscious sabotage; it keeps us eating too much, buying what we don’t need and pushing good men away.”

    I also buy stuff I don’t need too……….I think I am filling a huge gaping hole here……….

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:11am

  262. 262: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll post a pic of my Universe box on the FB Siren Island page, Turquoise I would like to see your Paris decals too. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:12am

  263. 263: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise and SMB-
    Thank you! I needed to hear that. I had put him on the back of my horse, especially since I haven’t seen him in such a long time. We have been off and on and back and forth for over 2 yrs now. And we both have been involved with other people, but keep finding our way back to each other. I no longer have any expectations with respect to “us”, but I do have stronger feelings for him than any other man I have ever known.
    Turquoise, I totally get where you are with your ex and the lengthy, deep connection to him. I feel proud of you for stepping up to having that date with Ohioguy, whether it turned out good for you or not. Maybe gives you some perspective to re-think what you truly want from here on out.
    SMB-dont beat yourself up about chocolate or wine (unless you feel worried about how much you are drinking), just keep reaching out to us if you need to. We are all here to love, support and guide each other in our journeys.
    Much love

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:38am

  264. 264: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    good morning sirens:) love to you on this beautiful day. i am feeling invincible.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:43am

  265. 265: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca I have found that when I truly trust the Universe, I ask then let it go. I leave the when and how up to the Universe. I remember years ago being in a financial dilemma with no job and coming to the very end of my pennies to get around. I remember walking down the street and praying aloud “I don’t know how you are going to do this but it just has to be done, things have to change”. At the most unexpected time of the day and in the weirdest way things worked out in a way better than I could have expected.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:46am

  266. 266: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, thanks so much.

    I have let it go.

    I’m just having a hard time this morning.

    I’m feeling anxious to get an answer.

    I’m going to shift that to:

    I don’t know why I have to wait so long, but I’m accepting it. I am letting the Universe do Her job.

    OK, really letting it go.

    No expectation.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:58am

  267. 267: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:59am

  268. 268: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #258 Sassy

    I understand about finding your way back to each other. Sometimes it is just too damned hard to get over somebody, I do think Rori’s advise to put them on the back of the horse and no final closure letters are the best way to go, who knows one day we may just get bored when Mr Right shows up right there in front of us. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:01am

  269. 269: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Good Morning Starla

    Wishing you all you wish yourself. xxx

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:02am

  270. 270: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I have to finish getting ready to go to work.

    Hopefully, I’ll be busy today.

    Perhaps it’ll help me to slowly sink back into the good vibe I was in in the last three days.

    Plus, I have this get together tonight.

    Feeling a bit nervous about that but it’s not too bad.

    Also, I just signed up on Facebook (yeah, believe it or not) and I was wondering if I could join the Sirens group, please?

    Thank you sirens for being here and I’ll catch up with you all later.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:02am

  271. 271: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Good Morning Sirens :)

    Femininewoman @260…I LOVE that!! :) It feels so good to hear…

    I also think of the Universe as masculine…because he takes care of the when and how…it’s easier for me to feel safe and taken care of and to trust when I think of the Universe as a masculine energy…hmmm…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:06am

  272. 272: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and thank you Sassy for the support, much love to you too.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:08am

  273. 273: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #260 FW

    I LOVE that you wrote!!! G*d or The Universe helps in mysterious ways….

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:09am

  274. 274: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly good morning.

    This is very interesting because I *think* I feel safer with women than men, which is why I was wondering earlier about Mel and Turquoise calling the Universe “she.”

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:11am

  275. 275: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Beliefs change quickly– they change when a felt experience of sufficient power floods and overwhelms you, in just the right way.”

    Just read this and it resonated with me.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:17am

  276. 276: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam…I can’t help myself but comment on the chocolate and wine :) YUM!!! The best way to dissolve this “conflict” is to really really enjoy it. When you say you can’t stop and feel bad about it and you keep eating it you create a negative pull towards it…but if you let yourself enjoy it (which can be scary because we think we won’t be able to stop) the tension will leave and you will be left feeling satisfied…and how SIRENY is chocolate and wine???!!! SOOO sireny :)

    I’m writing a book and I can’t think of anything better than to get all settled in WITH some chocolate and wine for the process :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:17am

  277. 277: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i do miss him terribly but i have yet to abandon myself for more than just a few minutes, hehe weeeeeeee love to me forgiveness to me ((((((((starla)))))))))))))

    and i’m also loving dropping my stance and experiencing everything differently and more flowing and open and true. which may or may not make sense to anyone who isn’t inside my head, but yeah… :D

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:22am

  278. 278: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Secrets Men Wish They Could Tell A Woman

    1) When I tell you something nice about yourself, it’s insulting if you don’t believe him.

    When a man says something nice or complimentary, think of it as a gift. Most men don’t give gifts often. Making him explain why he said something, or asking him if he really means it is the fastest way to get him to stop trying to compliment you.

    The best way to respond… especially if you’re in a playful mood, smile and hold his gaze.

    2) Cheer for me with the same enthusium you have when you’re upset with me.

    It is very frustrating to a man if a woman he loves faintly notices the good things he does, and then becomes very emotional and angry when he does something rude, selfish or indifferent. The man sees her emotional intensity and wonders, “Why didn’t I get that same intensity (on the positive side) when I planned that wonderful evening last weekend?”

    The best way to respond… You can get upset with a man when he does something wrong, but cheer for him with the same degree of enthusiasm when he does something right.

    3) I’m not a mind reader. I’d love a cheat sheet to know what you want, why you’re upset, etc….

    He’s a guy. This means he only understands the “meaning behind the meaning” during tender moments. When you are upset with him he takes what you say literally. The more intense the disagreement, the more literal he takes what you say.

    The best way to respond… When you are upset, talk softer and slower, men find such a woman captivating. No e-mails, no texting. It must be over the phone or even better, in person. Men do not pick up on social cues nearly as well as women do. Therefore, when you have a disagreement or an important discussion you want to make certain he understands (and feels) what you truly meant. Don’t leave it up to chance by believing he will automatically “get” what you are attempting to convey. Remember, he’s not a girlfriend.

    Bob Grant

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:22am

  279. 279: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Francesca))))

    ((((Lizka))))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:23am

  280. 280: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ahh Turquoise I love you so much!! :)

    And I love you all ladies and thanks to the sirens who wrote a nice thing to me after yesterday’s drama with ATW.

    I don’t know what I’m gonna do with that.

    I don’t have a lot of time to explain what happened and what we said becausd I have to go shower to get ready for my lunch with my girl friend, but I’ll try to find some when I’m havin breakfast or when in the bus so maybe you sirens can help me to find out what to do with this man…

    Have a good day sirens.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:27am

  281. 281: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Starla))))…it feels good to see how you are processing everything…and I totally get flowing and open and true…and that feels twirly and light and baby blue to me…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:28am

  282. 282: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks, jilly, i am feeling baby blue as a matter of fact, and purchased baby blue fabric for my furniture project even though there is nothing baby blue in my living room… you are one perceptive lady;)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:31am

  283. 283: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    FW…

    at the end of this article Bob says “When you are upset, talk softer and slower”,

    Well this reminds me of a girl I know… who seems to get into arguments with her boyfriend and he is always saying that she is yelling at him, but she says that is ridiculous, of course she isn’t yelling at him…

    interesting…

    She is ready to end it…they moved in together after 3 months and now share finances and everything…yikes!! and she makes way more…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:33am

  284. 284: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…also I happened to have Jewel’s old CD playing in my car and #5 song came on and I totally thought of you…and it’s a soft, feminine, vulnerable song…I think the title is “Please don’t say I love you”

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:35am

  285. 285: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    really?? cool lol…yes I totally see baby blue right now when I think of you…interesting :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:36am

  286. 286: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    What is a Red Flag?

    From the Red Flag Handbook, here is the definition:

    A red flag is the point in time when you notice something is a tad off with the guy you’re dating, but you decide to let it go because you really like him, you’re tired of being single, you really want attention, and so forth and so on. Then when you look back on that seemingly insignificant moment you dismissed and think: That’s when I should have known.

    Wishing you a fantastic week.

    Sending smiles

    Johnathan Aslay

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:53am

  287. 287: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    So I’ve erased a few numbers from my phone of men I used to date…but then I get a text from an unknown number and I wonder who it is lol…maybe I should just keep them in there so I don’t have to feel curious… :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:57am

  288. 288: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Understand Men Tip #26

    Men are not thinking about their ex’s when they are with you if they want to be with you.

    If they do, they are not over the past relationship yet and are not emotionally available.

    Johnathan Aslay

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:03am

  289. 289: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Arrrggghhh, having a hard time getting back into the groove.

    I keep thinking…maybe this is silly, but I keep thinking that I’ve been acting too confident in the last few days, like this relationship will get back on track for sure.

    We already had a break last summer and I waited for him to contact me for three weeks and he did.

    I was feeling like sh*t for these three weeks and he came back.

    Maybe my feeling like crap today is a sign that something’s going to happen soon?

    Oh, I don’t know, ladies, I’m really confused!!! :(

    I feel like an impostor who’s trying to fool the Universe!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:17am

  290. 290: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Francesca:

    “I almost signed up on pof.

    Almost.

    But then it took me three times before I could decipher the words to type in the little square.

    So I gave up.”

    That made me laugh so hard!
    I dont know why. I hate those little boxes and I Never get them right so it makes me feel dumb like when I get lost going to day care and I lived in this house like 6 months….How can I be a phd and get lost and not be able to decipher the letters in the box????
    LOl
    You are funny…even if you didnt mean to be.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:18am

  291. 291: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Francesca! I have 3 and only 3 experiences on POF

    First time, I signed up, my third husband was away for 6 months….I wanted friends to talk to…I was mad that he always went away in the summers.
    A guy talked to me and I was just his friend and he had just moved to my town and wanted friends too.
    I wasnt that attracted to his pic.
    He wanted to come over one night cause my buddy came up from our home town.
    He said he had a friend.
    As soon as he walked in, I wanted to jump on his lap!!!
    ever have that experience? So wierd for me.
    He was so sexy to me….i drank with him, slept with him and totally used him.
    His buddy hung out all night with my buddy, drinking and laughing and talking and it was such a fun night.
    I couldnt tell him I had a man….I didnt mean to be so crazy! Seriously, he was the most sexy guy and for me, I never have that reaction and on the phone….i just felt like his friend, no chemistry

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:25am

  292. 292: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    FANTASTIC POST! Thanks, Rori! :)

    I hung out with SeenmecryCD sans girlfriend and some other friends last night and had sooo much fun with him specifically. I really like him, and I’m really thankful that we’re still friends after my freak-out and his obtaining of a girlfriend. You know what? He’s not married to her, and therefore, he is still one of my delicious options.

    I feel really good today. I feel thankful for MY life that is swiftly moving forward in fun and interesting directions, with or without a man in it! (Though several are circulating, of course.) It feels amazing!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:25am

  293. 293: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Then I got scared from POF!
    OMG Im a bad person, I thought and shut my account.
    When I came to Ontario I was so lonely and so I went back on but my vibe was not as confident as when I was in my hometown.
    I talked a bit to alot of big wierdos…big time.
    Finally I made a friend, we talked ALOT…he was so encouraging about fogetting about my 3rd husband who had TOTALLY dumped me and went incognito…he told me that he was too in love to end it to my face and that he knew he was an asshole so he bailed and it cheered me up (it was kind of true and I liked his version…)
    His name was Marky mark…lol and we went to the casino, he never even kissed me, his underarms would sweat so bad when we hung out…not smelly, he smelled so great, but I could tell that I made him nervous. He kissed me once and I was really into him….he loved kids and was always bringing chocolate for the kids.
    End of it all…he passed away!
    He had a huge mass on his kidney, told me he was going in to get it checked. I never heard from him again except a day or so before he died. His family let him talk to me…omg I felt soooo terrible.

    Two bad experiences on POF….wow!
    One, I turn into a complete whore…and second the guy was awesome and died.
    I swear these are true stories.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:30am

  294. 294: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie, these boxes make me feel dumb too, like what the heck?

    I used to do data entry before and I can’t even figure out how to do something as simple as that??

    Maybe it’s just not the right day to do that.

    I really did take that as a sign.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:35am

  295. 295: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Third time on POF.
    First guy I looked at. It was 2 am and he was online and I texted him my number. I texted all day the next day with him. I was seeing like 10 guys already circular dating and had just been dumped by a guy that I was starting to really like (or maybe I wanted to sex him…not sure). It was a bad break up…he just dumped me. Texted me to f*** off..for no reason, and walked by me like I was dead!
    So I felt bad and decided to try POF again.
    That was my Beau.
    WOuld you believe he wanted to take me to coffee and I said NO WAY! I didnt want him to just see me and leave –quick. So he said I have a surprise!
    He took me to the STRIPPERs…lol
    I laughed alot. We sat way back, and got very drunk and talked til the next day….he hasnt left since….we see each other every day and I dumped all my old Circular dates cause I like him the best. (He told me right off he wanted a serious thing not just F***Friends) and actually it was in his profile….no Fu**Friends, just long term!
    So there can be success on POF, I think, you just need to keep trying.
    And the confidence of circular dating then I was sooo fun when we went out cause I was dating up a storm, not nervous and totally open to meeting men….they are yummy

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:37am

  296. 296: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    And I’m not sure about POF.

    So many of you here have said some not so great things about it so I’m really stalling…

    Maybe I’ll give Oasis a try…later, after I’m back to my normal self. I’ve yet to feel that way today.

    Or maybe not…

    OMG, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:37am

  297. 297: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly I do the erase thing too. I even erase those that I am prone to text when I am feeling lonely and want to reach out.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:38am

  298. 298: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie, your experiences are too funky! :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:41am

  299. 299: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @272 Starla – I love this. Your sad-yet-healing-energy feels amazing.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:41am

  300. 300: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca you are the one who is telling yourself you feel dump. The boxes can’t make you do that. Have you paid any attention to your NVs and what you routinely tell yourself?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:42am

  301. 301: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Typo – dumb

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:43am

  302. 302: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, this is going to sound really weird but there’s at least one good thing about feeling heartbroken (to me, anyway) – losing weight.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:43am

  303. 303: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Marni Battista

    Women who succeed in attracting every man at the bar, finding long-term love, and getting engaged always have one man in their lives to whom they can turn for the male perspective on dating and relationships.

    Sometimes this man is her loving father. Other times, it’s her protective brother or her oldest, sweetest friend from college.

    Whoever this man is, he cares deeply for her and wants her to be happy. And, he’s able to give her totally accurate insights into the male brain.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:47am

  304. 304: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I know a box is not supposed to make me feel dumb, but it does this morning, what can I tell you?

    Ok, I know I’m beating myself up again.

    I’m just feeling sad and I miss EC.

    Gotta seriously get to work now.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:48am

  305. 305: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    (((Silver moon)))

    (((Francesca)))

    (((Starla)))

    (((Lizka)))

    FW thank you for posting those quotes from J. Aslay
    Love it

    I feel tired and weary atm.

    I feel sinking in the pit of my stomach and

    It feels like choking and pressing in my head

    Failure is the word that creeps up on me..it’s how I
    abandon myself and it’s something I’ve done since I was a little girl.

    So being a perfectionist was how I proved to myself and others that I am NOT a FAILURE.

    From earlier posts, I found it interesting to read about perfectionists and not being able to “pick” a man to marry. I have had a few (probably 3) I would have happily married, but things fell apart anyway (they left the relationship).

    Did I manifest that those relationships ended or did I act too needy or was it not meant to be or does it even matter to answer those questions????

    Now I have all this emotional baggage to clear, and as hard as I try, I feel I’m still reacting the wrong way once I start getting to know a man and he’s calling me to make a date, etc…

    I get scared and skeptical

    “He’s probably married/has a girlfriend/still hung up on someone else/a cheater/a felon/a jerk/wants to hurt me/is uncaring/is fake, etc.”

    WTF Emerson that is so NEGATIVE and men are not your enemy.

    It’s partly because my Dad “abandoned” me in my late teens and I was on my own at a young age and my Mom just shrug her shoulders like “good luck hon” because my Dad was mad at me (I still don’t know why).

    I want to stop. I want to stop all of this.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:48am

  306. 306: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sink into the sadness and the longing to find out what your body is telling you. Also ask yourself what is the urgency?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:50am

  307. 307: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Emerson! Oh my what happened?
    Go on all the dating cites…not to have a real man but to have fun and distract yourself.
    ITs like when you have a 2 year old and they have like no sense and they tried to eat like a penny on the carpet and so you take it from them and they start screaming….cause they dont know it will make them sick yet
    and so you say…hey look, its a bird and they look for the bird (maybe there is no bird) but it distracts them!!

    Do that to yourself!
    Distract yourself.
    If someone is really lonely and isolated, I dont know if men, sex, and love is so good at the moment but I do know that having something else to think about….like omg the amount of wierdos on dating sites and the eye candy….!! and some are undatable and really funny
    some have hot bodies and want steamy sex!
    lol I love the excitement of not knowing…and its a distraction….
    do it!
    have fun
    Ur great!
    Forget how your man treated you…you are someones treasure out there!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:58am

  308. 308: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Jessie
    I’m on the sites now, I find it tiresome at the moment.

    I tend to be very cautious in giving out my number, etc., because I’ve met a few normal seeming men and they turn out to be weird or scary.

    I don’t find it that fun, to be honest with you. I have met a couple nice guys on there. But they don’t seem to be “step up” guys and want me to make the next move after they call and “invite me” to go on a date….

    They want me to call…?? I dunno.

    I’m feeling very deflated and sad and akward.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:05am

  309. 309: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Lizka))))

    So sorry to read that you had an awful conversation with ATW. But I really do believe, as you seem being developing as a fabulous siren so quickly, you’ll get to feeling better really soon.

    By the way, I e-mailed you a direct link to my FB. When you have time, could you check, if it works?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:05am

  310. 310: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lol speaking of deleting numbers, i deleted CF’s immediately, and this morning an unknown number text popped up on my phone as i walked into the office… it was not CF, though. It was MyGuy! He said “I just wanted to let you know you were right.”

    I said “okay, i’ll bite, right about what?”

    i’m bored, lol.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:06am

  311. 311: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #283 FW

    I don’t understand this post, how are you supposed to know if the man wants to be with you or if he wants to be with his ex? Who knows what goes on inside anybody else’s head?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:07am

  312. 312: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I lied, I didn’t get back to work. I only have cleaning to do anyway and it can be done through out the day or tomorrow. I’ll have 11 hours to do that.

    I’d rather read here! hehehe!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:10am

  313. 313: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    FW @300

    Was that for Emerson or for me?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:10am

  314. 314: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, going to clean at least one shelf now.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:11am

  315. 315: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    he said
    “got a dui last month after Martin’s going away party, lost my license. Sold my car, f*cked up my whole life. You were right to not want to be a part of that:(”

    man, we used to aaaaarguuuuue about drinking and driving. yep, I was right:P

    how can i respond from a place of love?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:11am

  316. 316: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    I admire how you have dealt with all this situation with CF.

    do you think CF is maybe not answering because he’s (unconsciously?) getting back to you for not reacting to his mail for many days?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:12am

  317. 317: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    this has been my case..breaking my own rules…I feel more secure now after reading,and intensely studying attraction in men, and dating and relationships, I actually HAVE standrads, and rules, before I was kind of stabbing around in the dark. Wow I wish I would have had this knowledge a while ago, would have saved me a lot of pain and suffering.

    I feel a little lost on the blog, and haven’t had time to read all the posts, but shout outs to :

    (((Daria))))
    (((Starla)))
    (((Memulo))))
    ((((Brenda))))
    (((Feminine Woman)))
    (((Tiffany))))
    ((((Jessie 1000)))

    I believe Tiffany asked me about me being a beauty professional. Yes I am a Esthetician (skin care specialist), I also do Eyebrow threading, makeup, waxing, brazilian wax, eyelash extensions, and nails. if you want to talk more about getting into the beauty industry you can email me at raveenacosmetics2009@gmail.com

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:15am

  318. 318: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    maybe, ulii, but i remember what daria said last night, which is all humans are entitled to space and healing. i’d rather he take it than not heal.

    i’m looking for my forever guy, so i’m trying not to let the urgency of FIX THIS NOW take over. a few days doesn’t mean anything really.

    it can be so hard, though! i do feel afraid in some ways!

    and thank you:)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:17am

  319. 319: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I feel the exact same way.

    It is tough.

    There is no way to fix it now except wait.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:20am

  320. 320: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I wish I could help you about MyGuy’s email, maybe you could just say something like:

    “aww, so sorry to read that”

    That’s all I can come up with for now.

    Not the best person to give advices atm.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:22am

  321. 321: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling more at peace and at ease today. I realize that it feels better to me, not to be in the presence of my husband right now, because I am still hanging on to the hope of a specific outcome, and I just feel hurt and deflated when he doesn’t say or do what I would like him to do.

    I also realize that at this moment he is just not going to step up with masculine enrergy, and pick up the oars of this relatinship. I also feel relieved in many ways, because I don’t want a relationship that feels blah. I still believe in love. I feel like I’m attracting love from so many avenues.

    I am feeling loved
    I am feeling blessed
    I am feeling peaceful
    i am feeling like dancing

    Relationship feels to me like, love, supportive, cooperative, warm, shoulder to shoulder,heart to heart.

    I don’t want to be married to somone who complains about me, it doesn’t feel good.

    I feel beautiful
    I feel free to be me

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:28am

  322. 322: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii

    I’m on my phone now so I can’t, but when I get home this afternoon I will. It should work. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:29am

  323. 323: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “aw, that sounds awful, MyGuy”
    good enough:)

    why did the universe send me this today?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:30am

  324. 324: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Coco, that feels really good to read.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:30am

  325. 325: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…what if you just did (((((MyGuy)))) in a text lol

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:31am

  326. 326: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I want to be a part of the Siren Group too please! :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:31am

  327. 327: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    FW…I do that too…erase the number if I think I could lean forward with them …

    for now I feel really grounded in myself…I’m not always.. but I feel good that my boundaries are strong and I will not abandon myself for anyone..love to me :)

    I feel so grateful for this community of women!! :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:36am

  328. 328: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Virginia!

    Virginia says:

    “There are many ways to get at your subconscious beliefs, but three excellent ones are hypnotherapy, coaching, and guided imagery. Looking for love is a serious business. If you’re really serious about looking for love, you have to take the bull by the horns and do these three things. They will require courage. You have to stop breaking your own rules, change the things you do that you know aren’t working, and finally, find out how you’ve been subconsciously sabotaging your relationships.”

    This is so true, and it’s exactly why I invested so much into Rori’s programs. I don’t have the time for coaching sessions really, but the recorded/online programs do help.

    This article makes me think of the subconscious habits I have in relationships. Self awareness and self critiquing really help too.

    I’ve decided to re-do the Toxic Men worksheets, in consideration of CD Assertive and CD Song. It’s been about six months since I first did it, and my love life has changed so much since then.

    CDing has even taken a different flavor more recently. I feel my feminine power, and I feel my feelings. I don’t always know what to do with it, but it’s a good feeling :)

    CD song called yesterday asking me to come over. He was really trying to be sweet about it, but it still felt like a booty call. I told him so. He said he didn’t like how I was speaking to him. As I posted on the last thread, he asked where is the spontaneous lady he first met? She is right here, recognizing the pattern. Yup, Toxic Men is next on my playlist!

    Speaking of toxic, had a big argument with CD assertive last night too. I told him how I feel about – that he is dating other women, and that it feels we need space (he is pushing for us to get married) so he can do his own thing and figure out if I am what he really wants. He is always saying he wants a woman who chases after him and that is just not my style anymore (I never chased him either). But if this is really what he wants, then that’s not me. I can’t do it. He says he loves me but he does not know why (referring to my dating others) so I said that doesn’t feel good and that maybe he needs to take the time consider “why” – I know this was leaning forward, but it was necessary. I can’t let his toxic ways guide our relationship. His toxic style is not working and I decided to lean forward because I’m not going to be the victim. He accused me of reverse psychology, but that had nothing to do with it. I decided to call him out on his own sh!t so he can stop pressuring me and pretending he is this perfect man waiting in the wings for me to stop running around with other men. We agreed to be sexually exclusive but I can’t go any deeper with him knowing he is regularly talking and texting other women. If that is what he is going to do, then he has to stop pretending to be this perfect guy who is so in love with me but I won’t stop dating other guys. I’m just sick of that. His last words were to me I Love you – and I’m getting tired of saying that. Seems that things are coming full circle for him. It felt good to confront him.

    Leaning back now after such a heavy leaning forward night. Going to take some time to myself today. It’s going to be all about me. I have a feeling my CD rotation is going to shift soon. I’m welcoming the thought . . .

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:37am

  329. 329: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling afraid to wrote about the convo with ATW from last night because I am afraid to be judged because I was not a total siren…

    Anyway I’ll just do a short story. I told him that I wanted to closed the door an forget about him forever. He said that’s not what he wanted. I said I need someone to be present in my life. I am not asking for the big comitment and the ring and the 24/7 together. I just want to feel someone’s presence in my life. I asked if he can do that. Just regulary texting or calling me and once in a while spending time together. He said his mind was somewhere else (about work and his life) amd he can’t promise that he would be present because apparently he’s not calling anyone lately and spend a lot of time alone because he doesn’t feel like seeing anyone. So I said, ok, that’s not what I need in my life so I am going to close this door because I feel hurt when it is open amd nothing is happening amd I don’t feel like waiting because unconsciously I put everything else on hold. So we were about to hang up and I said “adieu” wich means good bue but in a permanent way. He added “for now”. I said no ATW, not for now. I feel bored with all the “later” and “soon”. And this scenario happened 2 or 3 times. Me saying adieu amd him saying “no but I can’t promise I’ll be present in your life like you want.

    WTF dude you can not have everything?!? Me waiting and him not moving… Hmmm I know what you gonna say, you gonna say I am getting this because Ididn’t hold my boundaries in the past… Right, right…

    So I ended up saying if you tell me things are just gonna be “different” from now on, there is no “adieu”… For now. He said ok, things are gonna be differents…

    So I thought that what I would do, is give him 3 days. Obviojsly I didn’t tell him about te 3 days thing. If he doesnmt do ONE thing between now and Saturday morning, I’ll have the proof thant he was not honnest and I’ll close this d@mm door and do the silent treatment and walk away for ever.

    What do you think sirens? Is there something in my story that you see that I don’t see maybe?

    I’d love your feedback on this one. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:46am

  330. 330: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh sure Francesca. Email me the direct link to your FB at siren.lizka@gmail.com !!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:54am

  331. 331: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I was just given such a great opportunity to pick myself up, dust myself off and not take it personally that a man that I just met for the first time from online dating was really pretty rude to me and it felt crappy.

    The opportunity is to stop from speculating as to why. That there is something *wrong* with me, or with him. However, the way he handled it showed me I wouldn’t want to get to know him better anyway. I want to say something right now about how he *seems*, but I’m not going to.

    So, I felt my feelings about it, took the message and I’m ready for the next, rather than getting discouraged, spinning tales about it and quitting.
    I’m so very well-adjusted and able to take rejection without it harming me! Such great practice!

    Thanks, Universe, angels, for looking out for me!

    :)
    light heart

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:55am

  332. 332: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka…this is my experience…and I think you did great…you are speaking your truth…

    So with cute skier guy…he flat out told me that he likes having me in his life. And we’ve talked about other scenarios of men keeping women in their lives because it makes them feel good. But it’s not necessarily ME, men like having gorgeous women in their lives to fall back on. So even if there is nothing going on they like having that door open.

    Even yesterday cute skier guy texted “how are you doing” and I had erased his number so I had to ask who it was…he didn’t like that…but he likes keeping the door open…for me there is no chance in H@ll that I would ever go back to him because he has proven that he can’t do relationship.

    Does that resonate with you?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:58am

  333. 333: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    Today someone told me that maybe I should just chuck away my pride, and call my husband and tell him that I love him and want to work things out, but I told her that I have leaned back, given him space that he requested (and that I need too), and have told him in many different ways that I did not want a divorce, and that we have not done everything to save our marriage, that divorce feels very bad, and that I feel very sad about getting divorce, however don’t want a man who is unwilling to step up and take charge of the relationship, and my husband has not stepped up other than calling me, and then he stopped doing that stating that if I’m not going to call him, then he’s not calling me…I told my friend that that was my que that he dosen’t want the marriage relationship anymore (or atleast he thinks that right now), not only that he’s decided to file for divorce….I don’t DO ” chasing men” its not my style.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:59am

  334. 334: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    whew, i am having big realizations about the expectations i put on cf, with MyGuy texting me right now! and it feels so icky! and he is like a mirror of my expectations!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:04am

  335. 335: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:11am

  336. 336: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Coco Kisses…wow…I feel the strength in your words and how you are voting for you no matter what…how does that feel?? it feels loving and safe to me…soft on the outside strong on the inside…I’m noticing how I’m seeing colors lately and that feels like soft violet and all different colors of purple…very serene

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:14am

  337. 337: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    323 Lizka

    “So I said, ok, that’s not what I need in my life so I am going to close this door because I feel hurt when it is open amd nothing is happening amd I don’t feel like waiting because unconsciously I put everything else on hold. ”

    OMG, Lizka, I know exactly how you feel.
    that is what makes the no-closure third way so difficult.

    If they’re not in front of us, they’re not in front of us, and it’s not a real relationship. end of story. it’s only imaginary. we have to make ourselves act and believe that we may never see them again because, for whatever reason, they can’t be present the way we require. we can’t put ourselves on hold. I know, precious Lizka, it is not easy. We want that validation. It hurts to feel like we can’t turn them around, it feels like a failure, it is also human nature to want what we cannot have…..but it’s not good for us to keep trying.

    We have to be there for ourselves, champion ourselves, and not self-abandon. IF he is not the one, you will be so happy you did not get with him and did not settle, when the ONE comes.

    (((((Lizka))))))

    :)
    light heart

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:15am

  338. 338: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Emerson!
    Call, block your number and tell them all your problems….get them bored, maybe they will make jokes and cheer them up.
    My first conversation to my Beau was….guess what? The most imp. person to me in the world, just dumped me and cant stand me. My heart is broken and cold.
    He said. I will fix it.
    Find a guy that says that!
    They are sooo out there…but only message ones who say they are looking for long term
    stay away from booty calls!!!!
    Lol….its going to be OK

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:16am

  339. 339: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I just sent you an email with the link but I’m not sure if this is what you asked for.

    Let me know!

    Thank you!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:21am

  340. 340: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Well E didnt call or txt me at thevtime he stated he would.Did not let me know he was running late. How typical of him. Im not upset at all and its clear he made his choice. Whatever the reason, even though I feel a little sad, I know I made the right choice with B. I feel confodent and happy that I have chosen to not routinely suffer this disappointment, gave myself over to a man that is clearly here, willing and able. Sorry for E as I am courageous, strong, fair, gentle and full of love. I know myself and my heart, he missed out again. Love to him and great success. I am Happy and full of joy right now. I think I will thank B for all that he is..good day and much love Sirens

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:26am

  341. 341: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    328:

    Starla,

    I love your openmindedness to learn.

    I remember saying the exact same thing about a cd of mine, a real reflection of me.

    I can’t wait to catch up on all that went on here over the weekend!

    I’ve been out of town.
    I caught a glimpse of your breakup Starla.
    I’m not worried about you, you are so strong and resilient.

    Take care, be back soon.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:28am

  342. 342: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    After I said that sounds awful, he texted back
    “”it’s been a rough past couple of weeks. I had surgery a few days before my birthday last week too”"

    i didn’t respond

    now he’s texting me, “can we talk? please?”

    ack, no MyGuy! for like the millionth time.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:32am

  343. 343: lkNo Gravatar says:

    went home last night & was so happy & cd was a little…. i’ll call it “incredulous” but it is not my business to call his feelings or thoughts anything… : ) …. ummmm … & then we both cuddled for a while & talked about agricultural business models : p lol ….. & then i almost got sad but he caught it & caught me & caught the whole thing without me having to explain… which is good, because i wouldn’t have been able to explain… hm. i’ll think about that later. ummm… yes, but then he & i did chores & i got so much done !! & the house looks great : ) & …….. ummm… oh poor man. but he is very determined & he kept going even in the face of difficulties LOL… yes, things change super fast. & he was carrying the thing, though i wasn’t behaving “badly” – i just didn’t know what to do at all. & i just laid back & he rowed : ) yum

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:39am

  344. 344: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I got my universe box together before I left for work. I’m using a beautiful Italian jewelry box that plays The Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera. I got it when I lived in Germany, and played the music while I wrote out my requests. I kissed 2 of the 5 papers that are included inside…. I love this idea.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:51am

  345. 345: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Amber…. Turquoise box, you know I love that:) I’m thinking about calling that psychic Ohio knows for a reading….. Wish I knew what was ahead for me. Lizka I think you did well in your conversation with ATW. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:01am

  346. 346: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Smb…. Turquoise box, you know I love that:) I’m thinking about calling that psychic Ohio knows for a reading….. Wish I knew what was ahead for me. Lizka I think you did well in your conversation with ATW. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:02am

  347. 347: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla that is a lesson there that as long as a man feels he has hope, as long as he feels you are his and you are free then he will try.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:09am

  348. 348: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Stupid auto correct lol

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:13am

  349. 349: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka I totally understand where you are at and I totally appreciate how you are feeling.

    However, I invite you to step back and look at things from his perspective. Also I invite you to think like a man.

    How would you feel about someone telling you to put their life on hold to give them what they want? What if you were on a mission for your life with a timeline for what you want to achieve?

    I hear ATW saying his life is important to him and he is on a mission that he will not be derailed from. What he said to you seem like he is saying he understand what a relationship entails and he cannot give that right now. It seems like honesty to me.

    The comment you made last night about him not being able to make a decision seems, when put in the context of the conversation, to suggest to me that you wanted him to decide to move the relationship along. Am I correct?

    From my experience, guys tend to have a timeline for achieving things in life. Many times our timeline is different than theirs. I am wondering if you know what his timeline for building a relationship might be? I am wondering if you know what your timeline is and if you shared what you want to happen in your life without suggesting that you want him to be a part of that?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:16am

  350. 350: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I also believe that text is telling all of us that attraction really doesn’t go away. I am wondering when was the last time you thought of this guy? When was the last time you were pining after him?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:18am

  351. 351: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I like the post you shared about what men want. Especially the part about cheering them on. Good reminder.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:19am

  352. 352: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also if attraction doesn’t go away, I wonder how far away in his mind could cf go? Also what kind of energy exchange takes place in the ether if your mind and feelings are in the right place about him?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:21am

  353. 353: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    sigh, another long day, just gotta keep bringing it back to me, taking care of me, loving on me…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:22am

  354. 354: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The workings of our minds and hearts are so mysterious it feels exciting to be playful with the Universe to see it unfolds its mysteries to me. I am wondering how I can be co-creator or co-conspirator with the Universe on my behalf?

    hehehe I am feeling playful and mischevious.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:23am

  355. 355: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel shocked that MyGuy is still pining for me, after all the ugliness I showed when we were dating.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:27am

  356. 356: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 20 Daria – I know this is completely after the fact, but that felt completely beautiful to read. (((Daria)))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:27am

  357. 357: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    346, the other night, i felt him in bed with me…it was so odd…like right next to me, smiling at me…i started crying tears of joy.

    maybe i am delusional.

    or maybe it is the ether connecting us

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:30am

  358. 358: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    VFClark ‘Are you frustrated looking for love?”

    “Beliefs change quickly– they change when a felt experience of sufficient power floods and overwhelms you, in just the right way.”

    I wonder what is sufficient power?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:32am

  359. 359: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tingly with excitement just thinking about possibilities.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:33am

  360. 360: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “The dark and mysterious planet Pluto’s backward travel marks a time for groundbreaking self-discoveries. However, it’s not always easy to know where to dig for treasure in matters of the mind and heart. But there are tools that can help”

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:38am

  361. 361: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    here’s just a reminder to take the fun route in our daily routines ;)

    vibe lifting video
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4o0ZVeixYU
    from good vibe university

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:40am

  362. 362: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    me too…i feel feisty and playful and more assertive after what happened today…!!!!

    :)
    light heart

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:40am

  363. 363: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @349 Starla – Girl, you are a siren, of course he is still pining after you! Regardless of any perceived “ugliness” you may have shown him, you also became a kind of muse to him, inspiring him to flee from a dangerous behavior and thereby become a better man. That’s powerful stuff, if men can humble themselves enough to recognize and appreciate it! I know you are probably feeling rejected right now, but you are so amazing! Never forget that, no matter what stupid guy “rejects” you! (I put rejects in quotes because I don’t really perceive your situation as one of rejection, but rather as a situation of a need for space and personal growth.) (((Starla)))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:43am

  364. 364: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    FW I want to feel how you are feeling. I don’t know how to do the shift that Virginia is talking about.

    I feel angry and sad and I want to run away. My family is so triggering for me right now.

    Again, as usual, it seems my feelings don’t matter at all. That’s where my anger comes from. I feel annoyed and frustrated that it’s taken me this long to start to reconcile it.

    I’m always told I’m wrong for feeling a certain way, nobody asks me well Emerson why do you feel that way? I’m sorry you feel that way, I hope you feel better Emerson can I help?

    Usually I hear that I’m wrong or I see rolling eyes and sighs or what not.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:46am

  365. 365: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aw thanks Lama <3

    i try not to see it as rejection either. at worst, i see it as a tantrum or a cry for love. at best, i see it as the opportunity to learn to unconditionally love myself, and maybe for him to realize how into me he really is:P.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:50am

  366. 366: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @165 – Jessie

    I told that to my guy after he first kissed me. I knew him for many years prior, but I thwarted his advances. Then, one night, he kissed me and I froze. After that, he text me that he feels in an awkward place and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but when I just wanted to be friends, he started seeing this girl and she was coming in for the weekend because he promised to spend her bday with her and he didn’t know if he’d see her again. I told him, don’t be kissing me when you’re kissing her and if you decide you aren’t going to see her again, then I’m interested, but I’m only interested in a relationship and not any FWB type of situation. That way, he knew up front what I was looking for. I don’t know if it helped cause we’ve had a few issues, but at least I can say you knew from day 1.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:50am

  367. 367: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    what is the best way to tell MyGuy “no” i don’t want to talk to him?

    or should i be giving him a chance in this way? i don’t want to be a hard-ass. but really, thisguy is all toxic issues and neediness. he didn’t once ask me how i am this morning. he’s just spewing sob stories at me.

    i could also just not respond, which i really really like!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:56am

  368. 368: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    CocoKisses
    Take this opportunity of space, to do everything you would normally not do, cause he would hate it…it drives them wild…
    My ex hated the house messy, he hated it when I rearranged the furniture…he liked it a certain way, he hated roommates, he hated it when I went to clubs, and he Hated it if I wore certain clothes…so I didnt.
    As soon as he left, I did all the things that I couldnt do cause he was controlling me….
    so, I went out like allll the time, I had people in for supper that he hated….like my friend M. and her kids cause he thought I bought too many groc. to feed them, I wore short skirts and did my hair curly (cause he like it straight)….I hung around with my neighbors on the deck…he thought they were flirty and would let me say hi but nothing else, I filled my house with roommates and spent all the money on anything that gratified me….I HAD A BLAST
    and surprisingly….it made him want to come back and take over my life again…not the opposite which I thought would happen….
    SHOW YOUR MAN you are having fun without him!
    rearrange the house!
    DO anything that he would disapprove…not as a strategy but to reclaim your home and life FROM HIM! (not saying he was controlling but we all do little things, if you think about it, that is nice for the person we cohabit with….break free
    be reckless
    Go on a trip!
    Stay at a friends for a sleepover and leave your phone
    Plan a vacation and tell him u will be gone far off (even if you dont have the money to…he will never know)
    Lol
    Have fun with ur freedom!
    They will stop, turn around, and notice you!!!
    Be the opposite you usually act like!
    shake it up!
    wash him out of your hair, wear diff. perfume, buy new nail color, try new clothing style…make him think you are not the same person you were….physically and mentally!
    My thoughts….its fun!
    and Liberating!
    Thank him for going and tell him how much fun you are having! (make it up!)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:57am

  369. 369: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    jessie, 362, i love this.

    you sirens are so full of awesome pep talkiness these days <3

    my heroes. (heroines)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:15am

  370. 370: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie…I love that too @ 362!!! you ROCK!! :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:19am

  371. 371: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Where is good heart? :/

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:20am

  372. 372: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ok..im off for an easy jog and some lunges to get my bum bikini ready ;)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:23am

  373. 373: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    things i can do (a la jessie’s/april rose’s pep talk):
    -start my blog! i have a great blog idea and i’ve been putting it off!
    -work on my conlang/learn a conlang… i could start with klingon, lol
    -show a lot more leg, hehe
    -keep the house tidy
    -make furniture! fun!!
    -I don’t much feel like changing my hair…I’ve been playing with it a lot lately…so maybe i could just let it be natural for a while:D and focus my energy on my makeup! ooooh that would feel fun!
    -exercise!
    -cook!

    gosh so many options:)
    i feel excited about me. i am falling in love with me:)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:25am

  374. 374: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ooh another one to add to the list –
    -get up early (i have a haaaard time with this one)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:28am

  375. 375: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I get what you are trying to say to Lizka about seeing it from his perspective, but regardless of his timeline or what he’s trying to achieve, she isn’t happy with what she is receiving, so I believe it’s good for her to realize that, and not wait around. You give a lot of good advice and share knowledge, but sometimes it feels like too soon.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:38am

  376. 376: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #340 Turquoise

    I will post some pics on FB later, the box is just gorgeous, as you know aqua and white are the colours in my bedroom and my eyes are kind of turquoisey too, I am always drawn to that colour in shops, etc.

    I would love to know what the psychic said, I have been to quite a few and am still waiting for these wonderful things to happen……..mmmmm but I live in hope.

    I watch any psychic show on the TV too, though haven’t seen any advertised for a while, I love Lisa Williams she is quirky and funny. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:40am

  377. 377: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #342 Turq

    I quite like the name Amber but I think I have changed my name too many times now lol, it’s the Gemini in me, mutable and changeable………

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:41am

  378. 378: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #355 Jilly

    That is so fun to me, I don’t go down escalators (but I can go up them) don’t ask, but it’s an endless problem so I don’t do the Tube and have to go long routes around lol, I would sooo go down a slide though, let’s hope London gets some before the Olympics. :D

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:46am

  379. 379: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    SMB…. I don’t know how the autocorrect changed you to amber, lol… That was funny. I will post some fb pics later too! Feels fun to share! I had to pick my little one up from school, she’s sick. Feels good to be home. I might take a nap!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:02pm

  380. 380: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t called the psychic yet, but am considering it! His name is Rev. Gregory Kehn if anyone wants to look him up. Ohio said he changed his mothers life and while his reading wasn’t quite as significant, it was very on target with his life.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:08pm

  381. 381: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    My friend M. Did my tarot cards on the weekend and it was so promising…i forget the cards but something about new beginnings and good luck in careers and money…sometimes my past will come back…lol its like the cards read my life…I love it
    If you dont have money, buy tarot cards, and follow the instructions on the internet, for each card, read the explanation that is on the link…I forget the links but I will get it next time….I will ask M. today….its about 40.00 for tarot cards but always keep them covered with your scarf for good luck, when you carry them….dont let strange eyes view your cards and affect your luck and future….

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:14pm

  382. 382: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you ladies for your comments on my story about ATW.

    I agree with you all and I think you are right.

    I’m going to considere all your advices, even thought, four now, I’ll give him a few days. After, he said “things are going to be different” so we’ll see. But 3 days. Not more. He has the rest of the week. And on Monday I’m starting a new job and I’m gonna buy a new car so it’s gonna be like a new life with new exciting projects, with or without him. I think after the weekend, it’s gonna be easier to walk away.

    Thank you for your precious comments sirens.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:16pm

  383. 383: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((starla)))))))))))))
    i know you feel lonely but I’m here for you girly

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:21pm

  384. 384: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    SMB…I loved seeing the “delight” in peoples faces :)

    When I was little I would make my grandma ride up and down the escalators with me while my mom shopped…but I called them alligators ;)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:37pm

  385. 385: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m so bored.

    No one is coming to shop to day.

    This is not helping with my mood which is still crappy.

    I keep thinking how I don’t deserve such a treatment from EC.

    It’s not as if I was getting these these premonopausal symptoms on purpose, for crying out loud!

    I want to go home and cry.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:46pm

  386. 386: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t think I’ll go to this get together tonight.

    I’ll just drop the stuff and go home.

    I can’t do this.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:47pm

  387. 387: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    {{{{{ LIZKA }}}}}}

    {{{{ STARLA }}}}

    {{{{{ FRANCESCA }}}}}

    {{{{ ALL SIRENS }}}}}}

    We will all be just OK, right?

    We are lovely lovely women who love ourselves.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:49pm

  388. 388: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW 343

    “The comment you made last night about him not being able to make a decision seems, when put in the context of the conversation, to suggest to me that you wanted him to decide to move the relationship along. Am I correct?”

    When I said he can’t make a decision, I was more talking about when I said I’ll close the door he’s like “no no” and when I say “well than this is what I want in my life” he’s still “no no”… Of course I wish he would decide to move the relationship along, but I wish he would just be able to say “yes close the door, I don’t want to move forward” or “no don’t close it, I’ll move my @ss and do an effort”.

    This is what I meant. But I think you are right with the timeline thing, but at this point, I think I don’t feel patient enough and that I waited enough also.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:51pm

  389. 389: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Awww thank you SMB!

    Of course we’ll be ok. We are sirens! Our destiny is to laugh and have fun.

    :)

    I feel a little bit down, but I know I’ll be ok. So will you.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:55pm

  390. 390: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka

    I get the feeling ATW (around the world non?) is a traveller? I have seen lots of this living in Australia where young men and women feel a need to get out there and see the world. Like they spend years travelling all over the globe and are not ready to settle down. Whereas you may be…………but ATW is not in that stage of his development he thinks there is MORE out there…………he may be right or he may be wrong………does than resonate for you?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:55pm

  391. 391: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Everyone seems really peppy today! It’s nice to hear everyone taking care of themselves.

    I had such a strange dream last night. A shy guy I pined after for 2.5 years and we never dated, was in my dream. He was driving his truck and I was in the passenger seat. All of a sudden, he got really mean, was yelling at me and told me I was annoying. I was so hurt and mad, I jumped out of the truck while it was moving. Then, he came back and told me to get back in and I refused and walked away. Later, I saw him in a building talking to someone. I walked past him and he tried apologizing, but I just walked past him and ignored him. This happened a few times. I wonder what that dream was all about?

    My guy didn’t text me since Sunday. Last night I was looking for organic garden seeds and he had said he saw them. So, I text him last night to ask where he saw them. Right after, I found them, so I text again saying nevermind I found them. Then he text back where he saw them. I didn’t reply. This morning he text me asking what I got. I told him. Now I’m just going to lean back until he contacts me.

    Friday, I’m going to go against what I always do. I’m not going to “get ready” until he actually makes plans with me. I’m going to do my gardening or organizing and not even concern myself. I’m trying real hard to change my ways, which will be beneficial to me.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 12:59pm

  392. 392: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    light heart

    ” IF he is not the one, you will be so happy you did not get with him and did not settle, when the ONE comes.”

    So true. Thank you for that.

    I know we’re not suppose to put our heart on hold if we are “waiting” for someone, but it’s so hard you know, and I’m really doing in unconsciously.

    I am telling myself that even if I am waiting for ATW, I am open to other men but I think that as hard as I try, my heart is not totally open to men when I have ATW in my life and when I am hoping that he comes back…

    This is possibly why my other CDs are not stepping up more, maybe they feel that my heart is open to someone else than them. This is a strong strong possibility I believe…

    I think if I do this infamous closure, I will stop feeling “on hold” and my heart will be more open and maybe ModelCD, RamadanCD and YouthCD will start stepping up and calling more often and kiss me all the time. Just like magic? And maybe men are gonna start showing up in my life and I’m gonna be super busy dating?

    In my head, I feel super open to CD and I feel disappointed that I don’t find more men willing to date me because I love dating and I would love to have men taking me out every night, even if I don’t feel 100% interested, but I start to believe that the Universe knows that as long as I have ATW in my heart, it’s useless…

    Perhaps the Universe will send me tones of men when I finally close the door with ATW?

    However, I will still give him that few days that I told myself I will give him, but after, I am going to walk away…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:03pm

  393. 393: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    SMB 384

    Yes, you are totally right. Yes, ATW is for Around the World. When I met him,he was just coming back from a 3 years trip in Africa, India, Eastern-Asia and Australia. So he’s probably exactly like one of these guys you met in Australia.

    And yes, he misses that time a lot and always talks about going back. And if he is working a lot right now, it’s because he is saving money to leave again. He has never hide that.

    But you know, at the very beginning of our relationship, when he was still courting me, he said one morning “Perhaps one day we’ll travel together?”. So this seems like being a possible thing for him. And something that he has consider to do with ME.

    And even though I like my life here, my apartment, my city, my job in a office, I would definitely be ready to go on the other side of the globe with The One. As soon as I know that he IS The One…

    Travelling is one of my life dream. Maybe not has intense as him, But if I can bring my career to writing, I wouldn’t mind to leave for several months. I could write books and articles from a beach on Thailand. With him or with someone else…

    Just saying I am pretty adaptable, and he was open in the past to do something like that with me, don’t know if he still is…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:12pm

  394. 394: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, yes, winker hottie got married. I saw the wedding pix on facebook. They look happy I guess.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:15pm

  395. 395: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly 326 -

    Thank you for your story with cute skier guy. It doesn’t feel good to think that ATW wants to keep the door open just to have a cute girl in his life even if he can’t do a relationship, but yes, I am aware that this might be the case… *sigh*

    I’ll definitely keep that in mind.

    Thank you for sharing.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:16pm

  396. 396: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((( Turquoise )))))))))

    (((((((( Emerson )))))))))

    (((((((( All other sirens who sent me hugs and kind words )))))))))

    (((((((((( All sirens )))))))))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:18pm

  397. 397: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    So, can someone help me with this, please? What is the Rori Raye way to handle changing facebook status back to single?

    I realize maybe the RR way would say not to change the status from single until you are married, but it’s too late for that so no need to even go there.

    My question is, should I wait for him to do it? Or should I do it?

    Is changing it back masculine (doing) – or is it feminine (walking away)?

    Thanks for any insights on this.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:19pm

  398. 398: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka my sense is that you are wanting more. You ask for more contact and more time with him. He seems to be saying he wants to remain seclusive and focus on his career. I don’t think he is asking you to wait for him. It seems he is just choosing to live his life the way he wants to. I don’t even agree with Turquoise when she says that you are not happy with what you are receiving because I don’t see him as giving anything. If he isn’t giving anything there is nothing to receive. The way I see it is he has stepped back, he only responds to your contacts/texts. As he has taken a step back it would be best for you to take two steps back. He reached out about the job and I saw that as an opening to show warmth and gratitude towards him, as his energy was coming towards at that point in time.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:20pm

  399. 399: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca and Ulii I have email you girls!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:26pm

  400. 400: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy what do you feel in your gut around FB?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:30pm

  401. 401: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm Maybe FW… Maybe…

    :)

    I think you are probably right. Specially about taking two steps back.

    But I think for now I have think enough about it for today. I will stick to my 3 days plan, and we’ll see later.

    For now, I want to think about fun stuff. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:30pm

  402. 402: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @Feminine Woman Comment #20 – THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING THIS! :D I feel completely enlightened. Like there was something I wasn’t quite understanding, but couldn’t put my finger on.

    I feel like Facebook relationships are uncommitted relationships in a man’s mind. Facebook Engagements are committed relationships. And Facebook Marriage is Marriage.

    Oh, facebook…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:31pm

  403. 403: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Can I just say ladies that Oasis is just rubbish………….full of Nigerian scammers and men looking for FWB’s I am outta there……………

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:32pm

  404. 404: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Or is that FB’s and NSA’s? I dunno, I can’t keep up with modern terminology lol!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:34pm

  405. 405: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LIzka the way I see the 3 day plan, the 3 week plan is you setting a boundary for him to live by and he does not even know about this boundary. It seems like setting up oneself for suffering and trying to control something. Even if you told him about the 3 day plan it would come likely seem like an ultimatum to him. The whole agenda around it, seems to me to be other focussed rather than self focussed. Boundaries I set are for me to live by.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:35pm

  406. 406: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so old fashioned when I read discussions about FB. I can’t help but wonder why I need to put my life story/history on Facebook? Why do I need to update my relationship status on FB? I feel such resistance and push back just thinking about FB that most times I don’t even go on it. I prefer to live my life out in the world.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:37pm

  407. 407: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Sooooo, fun things:

    I had a lunch with an ex collegue who is now on maternity leaves. We went for lunch with the cute 7 weeks baby. Awww I want a baby! So little and doing some cute cute sounds.

    We went for lunch at a steak house and had a big big meal and on our way back we discovered that sweet tea&dessert place, very trendy and all decorated in old French style (like 40s-50s) and with only French candies, French ice cream and sorbets, 10 thousands of flavour of hot chocolate, tea, coffee… Wow I am happy I discovered this place. I am definitely gonna go there with other girl friends, or maybe by myself. It’s really a happy place. Everything looked so nice in there, with a lot of light and a lot of fun things to look at.

    And other fun thing. I decided to move on earlier with buying a car. This would make me so happy to have a car and be able to travel everywhere whenever I want, go see my mom, my dad, my friends from outside of the city, go camping, go to the beach, go to the mountain, go picnicking with my dog, go run races outside of my city. Awwww so many things I could do! It seems like I would never feel bored and lonely again if I had a car. Ok I know this is not true, lol, but really it would feel so nice.

    So I called my mom, and she is taking tomorrow afternoon off and we’re going to shop for cars!!!! OMG I am feeling SO excited!! I might not buy it yet because I don’t look very credible with my credit since I am not actually working anywhere right now… Actually yes, I am still on my old job payroll… hmmmm…. But I’ll have a way better salary at the new place so more chance that I get a good credit. Hehe might have a new car very very soon!!!! Woohoo!

    I feel afraid about the credit though… I had problems with credit a few years ago because when I was like 17 I didn’t pay my phone bills for months… But I was young and I was a student and this was like 10 years ago. I shouldn’t be afraid huh?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:39pm

  408. 408: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW 399

    The way I see the 3 Days Plan:

    Yes you are mostly right. It’s true that he doesn’t know about it and is seems stupid…

    But I don’t see it as a boundary. I see it as a test. How many times he told me “things will be different” and they were not”.

    HE KNOWS that I want things to be different, and he promised yesterday that they will be.

    So the 3 days is just a test. For me, I want a man to call at least every second day. So I’ll give him 3 days to see if he calls or text. Not even initiate a date. Just shows he thinks of me. If he can’t do it, bye bye.

    He might not know that he has “3 days”, but he knows that I want a man to call me every 2 days and he knows that I’m going to definitely close the door if I don’t have it.

    So I think it’s fair.

    Maybe not the most sireny thing, but anyway…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:45pm

  409. 409: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    386 Lizka
    “I am telling myself that even if I am waiting for ATW, I am open to other men but I think that as hard as I try, my heart is not totally open to men when I have ATW in my life and when I am hoping that he comes back…

    This is possibly why my other CDs are not stepping up more, maybe they feel that my heart is open to someone else than them. This is a strong strong possibility I believe…”

    Yes, Lizka, being hung up on a guy who is not emotionally available, can makes us emotionally unavailable, to varying degrees, too. I experienced that and I am now becoming more and more available again.

    It was the right decision –for me– to declare
    no contact. I no longer wanted to be
    on the cycle of insanity of holding out hope that he was going to have ironed out his issues, and his timeline was going to change any day now…eagerly awaiting contact, getting a text or e-mail and getting my hopes up that he was starting to see the light, only to have those hopes dashed when there was no follow up, no step-up.

    It is almost one month there is no contact, I do not follow him around internet or anything, and it is doing the slow fade away in my heart and mind.

    Again, I couldn’t do no-closure, because then I would still be waiting for contact, and it would come in non-significant drips and drabs for who knows how long, and the ups and downs were becoming tedious and didn’t feel good.

    Yes, it is difficult to let go, because you feel that unless you are exerting some effort to try to control the situation, then all hope is gone, they will forget about you, finis. Ironically, this is exactly what needs to happen if there is any chance for the two of you, or to open yourself up to the other men who want to win your love. And how lucky is the guy who will be able to do that. That’s how you want to feel. Not hung up on mr. unavailable, wasting your valuable time.

    Honestly, I do not know that giving him two or three days will matter much in his case, but, you never know.

    Please Be gentle with yourself!

    hope this is helpful

    :)
    light heart

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:46pm

  410. 410: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://www.hendricks.com/products/breathe-move-love-wristbands?utm_source=iContact&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=The%20Hendricks%20Institute%20Newsletter%20From%20Name&utm_content=Newsletter+11APR12

    A quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” I would add breath, wonder and play to that equation, and I thank Katie and Gay for helping to bring those transformative elements into my life.” -Jan Jacobsen

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:49pm

  411. 411: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Lucy}}},

    Good to have you back on the blog. Sorry you are going thru a hard time.

    Love, Brenda

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:51pm

  412. 412: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @400 Feminine Woman – Power to you! I kind of hate facebook, but it’s kind of a necessary evil with my generation as far as event invitations and some other social things go. I say stay away if you can get away with it! and I plan on keeping my relationship status hidden until I have a wedding ring on my finger. It’s nobody’s business but mine until then! :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:52pm

  413. 413: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    hmm…my last comment went into moderation and I don’t know why. oh well…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:53pm

  414. 414: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I see the 3 day plan as something for you, and you alone, a time frame for you to feel more sure and good about how you want to proceed. Nothing wrong with that.

    :)
    light heart

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:56pm

  415. 415: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    light heart

    Thank you

    ((((((light heart))))))))

    I feel really understood. :)

    I know 3 days might not really change anything, but I asked him to show me that things are gonna be differents so I kind of HAVE to let him show me.

    I know I don’t know him nothing, but still, it wouldn’t be very nice to give up now.

    It’s like a kid asking mummy mummy please I want this new toy. And before she even get to the store, I decide I don’t need it. You know what I mean?

    I don’t think he’s gonna show me that things will be different in these 3 days, but WHAT IF?

    So 3 days, not one minute more, and than I’ll focus on my new job, new possible friends, new possible CDs, new car, new sweet and cute French tea place and new life.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:57pm

  416. 416: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    A guy told me at lunch today that he has had a crush on me and that other guys have been teasing him about it. He told me that he was hitting on me by inviting himself to my house for dinner but then I turned him down. So because he does not want any “excitement” he decided to leave it alone. It was eye opening for me and I wondered if that was an unconscious block that I have used to sabotage possible relationships. I wonder if it is the male equivalent to our lean back energy in not making suggestions, inviting or chasing? hhhmm

    Another cd suggested that his male part responds to my voice and asked me if I was wet down there. I have been practicing remaining open to his open flirtatiousness and he keeps calling consistently. I also had to wonder today if when we speak from our vaginxa or drop our attention down there if that is what happens and guys feel that? I find myself feeling afraid to even explore that.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 1:58pm

  417. 417: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    All these stereotypes and limiting beliefs about men!!! —> “I feel like Facebook relationships are uncommitted relationships in a man’s mind.”

    He was more committed than I was, and if it was just up to him we would have been engaged by now.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:00pm

  418. 418: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Brenda. <3

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:02pm

  419. 419: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Focusing on the goal, and the excitement about the goal, is what opens me to the ideas of how to get there. In my experience, it is this excitement and openness that help me find the way to do it. Some call this “The Law of Attraction”—that like energy attracts like energy. I have found it to be invariably true that focusing on my excitement about an idea brings me what I need to carry my idea into fruition.

    My inner thought process, instead of focusing on possible obstacles, goes something like this:

    “I REALLY want to do this! What do I need to do to make this happen? How can I learn what I need to learn to achieve my goal? Who can be of help to me?”

    Once I see a direction, then I often pray for the people and situations to come into my life to support me in my goal. I have complete trust that this will happen—and it always has. However, it’s rarely instant. I have to stay focused on the goal rather than on the obstacles, and maintain my level of excitement about the idea, no matter how long it takes.

    Henry Ford faced many obstacles before he invented the Ford. He went bankrupt before he was finally successful. We all know what would have happened if he had allowed the obstacles to stop him.

    http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/3105/do-you-see-the-obstacle-or-the-goal.html

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:07pm

  420. 420: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    I like this, FW. My dilemma is that the goals keep changing, because I keep changing my mind about stuff, therefore the excitement about any one goal doesn’t grow. grrrrrr

    :)
    light heart

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:14pm

  421. 421: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sh*t. He just messaged me. He said he had a strong dream that I went active on pof… so he checked and found out I did. He feels hurt. I feel horrible. I also feel freaked out that he had that dream!!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:17pm

  422. 422: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    it’s okay, starla. i’m still here with you. it’s okay sweet girl. i love you. i instaforgive you for all ‘mistakes’. aww i just love you. THAT is what matters.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:20pm

  423. 423: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lucy, i don’t want to put paranoid thoughts in your head, but i’ve stalked guys before to check on them, and then told them it was cuz i ‘had a dream’ about it.

    really i was just checking up on them. no dream.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:22pm

  424. 424: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    So LP asked if we could spend time together tonight on Sunday, but I haven’t heard from him since. Really, I hadn’t cared until just a few minutes ago because I am not sure if the plans are solid or not. I had to find a new babysitter because my regular one is sick. I am dressed and ready to go with a babysitter coming soon. I have decided to go on my own again (like I did last week) and if he shows great if not I’ll still have fun.

    In other news, Music Man texted me last night and ANcd texted me all morning. I can see how CDing works now, even though it is still so scary to me to start anew.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:24pm

  425. 425: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #414 Lucy, I don’t know your situatio entirely, but I would’ve brought him into my decision-making process on this before getting on pof. Don’t know what Rori would say, but that ‘s what I strongly would choose if it was me. Yes, it could be grindy, scary, & nervewracking, but to gently bring up that you ‘re thinking of doing that & why & what you’re feeling could likely imo initiate deep, important discussions around what matters for you both as a couple, as well as possible bonding & getting to know each other way better for better or worse. This is part of my intentional community philosophy/practice, as a couple is merely some form of a community of two as they commune together. What do you think? It feels bad that you & he feel bad now, & I wish I ‘d seen your thread of comments & offered/suggested this.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:37pm

  426. 426: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    So, now he texts and says he wants to leave right now. I replied, “well you didn’t say anything until just now.”. He then says, “not mad”

    But, now I am. Can’t be bothered with me until last minute and yet other men are texting like crazy trying to “just see my smile again”. I feel like I am going to cry and ruin all my makeup!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:37pm

  427. 427: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy why do you feel freaked out? It seems to me that because you are still energitically connected your intentions, your energy would somehow be communicated through the ether. It seems to me that you could use the disagreement you both had to be more committed to yourself to creating the happiness you deserve and that you can share that it helped you to question yourself if that relationship is what you really want so you feel more comfortable keeping your options open. I believe he will find that attractive. He might be angry about it but it might help him feel the challenge of stepping up his game and being the hero that you need.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:39pm

  428. 428: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess I believe he has “settled” into the relationship and that is the only reason he behaves that way. Instead of crying maybe finding a way to inspire him to not take you for granted might help.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:41pm

  429. 429: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy let him take care of his hurt feelings. He is capable of doing that as a grown adult.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:43pm

  430. 430: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #399 FW “boundaries I set are for me to live by”

    That’s capital wisdom imo & I wish I’d had that piece/knowledge/awareness *long ago* in life!!! So obvious yet invisible to my blind spots. Till this moment. Your words gave me a Gestalt so definite I heard & felt it clunk into place firmly & loudly like a big beautiful steel piece lit by moonlight slidin home… ka chunk! Yes, thank you. I ‘m putting that one on my fridge (which is usually intentionally left blank unless there’s something *really* special & important/critical to put there). This will now be a mantra for me

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:46pm

  431. 431: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #418 Lucy, I meant to include “what’s important to you as individuals” too! Very important.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:49pm

  432. 432: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    #354 FW, I wonder what are the Pluto tools? ;)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:54pm

  433. 433: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, Im going to Gravatar to try & post my real face here (for awhile), lol. We’ll see if it works.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 2:57pm

  434. 434: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks GingerSky I feel honored.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:01pm

  435. 435: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I get what you are saying…. however, in this case i believe him…. because earlier today he told me he had had a dream that really troubled him and his mood at that point it was obvious he hadn’t checked it out yet …. And now that he has, he’s kinda in shock and very hurt. :(

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:01pm

  436. 436: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also Lucy, if he had fully checked out of the relationship he would not feel moved or whatever by your profile on POF. He would be so over it.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:03pm

  437. 437: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    slept so deep! feeling great!

    rearanged my nightstand to celebrate Oya :)

    feeling fantastic

    did my dance with my feather sweeper swept the dust

    and feeling so empowered!!1

    :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:05pm

  438. 438: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, ladies. I appreciate all your thoughts and sharing and advice and am processing it all. <3

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:06pm

  439. 439: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Starting my new blog! So excited!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:22pm

  440. 440: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka… SO Anyways, fun stuff, I love discovering new places, and I heard a restaurant near me is fabulous and there is a winery cloe by that has entertainment… Can’t wait to try them out!!!! Your old fashioned French place sounds Devine! I want to hear more about the book you’d like to write! :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:24pm

  441. 441: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Starla!!!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:25pm

  442. 442: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    It seems that any hope of us being together is now gone because I went on pof. He can’t trust me now.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:27pm

  443. 443: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    So I just heard from EC.

    Everything’s fine.

    He says he can’t wait to see me.

    And he has things to say to me about the way he reacted last week.

    I told him we don’t have to talk about it now.

    He says, no I really have to tell you some stuff.

    But it’s all good stuff.

    I feel so much better now.

    However, I don’t want to fall into the same pattern anymore.

    Me getting crazy, him getting mad at me.

    It’s obvious that we still have a lot of work to do together.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:28pm

  444. 444: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    why did you go on pof? Because you wanted someone else. Simple. If hes mad, he should be lol. But at least you have given him lesson #1
    Lesson #1 sirens dont waste time on suckers
    Lesson #2 sirens keep themselves busy and happy if their man doesnt treat them good or keep calling.
    Lesson #3 it sucks to see your woman with someone else when you know damn well its your fault.
    Thats why hes mad.
    when you make changes….like not taking garbage….men arent going to like it!
    But so what!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:36pm

  445. 445: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    GivingGirl, you are so lucky to have a garden!!!

    And yay for taking care of you!!! :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:36pm

  446. 446: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie , you made me laugh. Thank you. I agree with everything you said except the part about wanting someone else. Thanks for what you wrote — some good truth there!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:40pm

  447. 447: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Just catching up on threads..Wishing you a belated Birthday Femininewoman..I hope you had a beautiful day…xoxo

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:48pm

  448. 448: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    #355 :-D oh my goodness Jilly, I felt so smiley and giggly..I wish they would install one in the nyc subways, everyone would be so much happier1 hehe

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:51pm

  449. 449: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    OMG I just had a breakthru realization today….
    when I set boundaries for myself, my Mother shuts down and withdraws… like saying “NEVERmind (hmmph)”…..and it’s like pressure to withdraw the boundary to make that negative reaction go away…but that is wrong wrong wrong…

    OMG and I noticed I do that in my own relationships and exchanges…I shut down and say “whatever nevermind” almost like saying HOW DARE YOU set a boundary???

    I was often uncomfortable growing up and kind of walking on eggshells never knowing quite how to trust myself or my beliefs/actions for myself. Now it makes sense, so I can be rid of it and heal it already. Jeeeeeezz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:53pm

  450. 450: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I also practiced boundaries with BrainyCD the other day when he asked me about guys I’m dating, and I used Daria’s words “oh i feel uncomfortable being asked that, I don’t want to discuss my dating life with a man”…..(thanks Daria)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:55pm

  451. 451: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    BrainyCD reacted in a positive way and said ok we can talk about somethinhg else no problem…and i said for the record, I am single, if that is what you want to know, and I’d rahter just talk about you and me and focus on that and he said oh ok great!! And he was nice the whole time we talked….!!

    the only thing with him is he keeps wanting me to travel to his city. no chanks!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 3:58pm

  452. 452: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    It sounds that I won’t see SmartCD before I leave. And he doesn’t know I am leaving. This morning he texted that he is not sure about his schedule tomorrow. I sent an unhappy face and said I will be available till 5 pm. Then in a few hours he texted that he doesn’t know about tomorrow, but he will be home tonight after 6pm. I said tonight would feel good and wished him a happy flight. Next thing he texted that he arrived, is in the airport and exhausted. That was 2 hours ago, I did not reply and am not going to.

    If I don’t hear from him about meeting tonight I will leave silently. I did all I could to say good bye and I communicated with an unusual persistence that it’s important to me. Getting tired of this.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:05pm

  453. 453: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Awww Turquoise did I told you how much I love you? Lol I don’t know I think you’re cute and nice.

    Hmmmm the book eh? Well I feel a little bit shy about talking about it… It’s gonna be a girl story of course.I was hesitating about writing something modern, a girl who’s dating in the big world, or writing about something historical, since I am officially an historian, but I think I’ll start with something girly because if I want to write in magazine later it’s more related… Maybe later in my life, I’ll right about something in a historical context, under a pen name, because I don’t think it looks serious, a woman who right about light dating stories, and then more serious books about history…

    :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:13pm

  454. 454: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie… I have to say that i really appreciate your presence on the blog.

    xoxo

    And Lucy, If it doesn’t seem like you two are going to work it out, then what about no further communication? Feels scary, doesn’t it? But, what do you think?

    Big hugs to you!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:13pm

  455. 455: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Francesca!! I’m so happy for you!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:17pm

  456. 456: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    436:

    Oh francesca, this is a good opportunity to listen to him at level 2. Sounds like he has some important things to tell you…I’d be all ears.

    :-)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:18pm

  457. 457: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I worked all afternoon on my new budget.

    I need a new budget because I’m going to make more money, and also because I’m going to buy a car! Woohoo!!

    I am so happy that EVERYTHING fit perfectly in the new budget.

    I can afford a car.

    I can have the same money to spend away every weeks.

    I can even go on a trip once a year!!

    Wow I feel so happy!!!!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:19pm

  458. 458: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Lizka! BTW, I sent you an email or two too! ;)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:23pm

  459. 459: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    lilybelly,

    Yes, thank you.

    I will be listening closely to what he has to say.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:24pm

  460. 460: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, that’s awesome!

    And don’t forget that you are still the prize, the money isn’t!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:26pm

  461. 461: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Francesca, I just added you. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:27pm

  462. 462: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, the moment I stopped complaining he called and asked me out ;)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:28pm

  463. 463: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Aww, Memulo, that’s great!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:42pm

  464. 464: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    It is so funny that you said that. I started writing another post about having to inspire him to respect my time but never got to post it because my babysitter got here.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:51pm

  465. 465: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I only spent about 45 minutes with LP, and I had to walk away from him to gather myself when he asked me to find a waitress and get him a drink. I hate when he does this, it feels like he needs a mommy to take care of him. I take care of little ones all day and all night and I don’t want to wait on him like that. I am glad that I walked away because I was able to gather myself and return happier. He asked me for a kiss and did give me money to pay my babysitter. He also asked to call him to make plans for the weekend and I told him that it would feel better to make more solid plans. He called me before I even got home to confirm Saturday.

    Ben though there were good things about tonight, I feel indifferent about our”relationship”. Half of me wants to drop him like a hot potato and the other half is holding on hoping he will be the man I feel in love with again.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 4:58pm

  466. 466: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    No matter what happens with ATW, you do know that you will be a-ok, right? You have all this wonderful stuff bubbling up in your life DESPITE this man. I feel excited to see what else transpires…

    And remember what I told you the other day….and I hope you believe it, all the way down to your running toes.

    :-)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:03pm

  467. 467: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Well SG, it seems like you had a good night!

    Seems like everyone had good things happening to them today after a few day of quietness and nothing moving, huh?

    Hmmm hopefuly something good will happen to me also in my relationships?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:04pm

  468. 468: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Aww thank you Lilybelly!!

    I think I’m gonna be ok.

    I also know that a lot of good things is happening in my life lately…

    Sometimes I’m wondering if I’m gonna be happy in every area of my life except in Love. I know, stupid NVs…

    In French we have a saying that says “Heureux en affaires, malheureux en amour”, which means “Happy in business, unhappy in love”…

    That feels scary…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:07pm

  469. 469: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    My Mom is all over the place emotionally. The more healing I get, the more I see that she is not well emotionally. I don’t wonder why I have had such a long way to come.

    I feel bad for her, but I am also feeling drained and exasperated. I am willing to work with her, but right now I just want to get a break from her.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:10pm

  470. 470: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t remember which lovely siren asked what guided imagery is and since I didn’t know either, I googled it and read info through a site that explains it. Very interesting, sounds much like visualization but uses all of your senses.
    Think I may have to try it. I have had some major manifestations lately, not necessarily all positive, (bah!)
    but I believe very strongly in LOA, manifesting and that our thoughts can control our destiny.

    Much love

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:11pm

  471. 471: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Awww I can’t stop looking at my budget and smile at how perfect it is!

    (((((((( Budget )))))))))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:14pm

  472. 472: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    I guess overall it was an okay night, but not all that fantastic. No hug at the end, no “I’m so glad we got together tonight”, nothing spectacular by any means. And all of his other actions lately have been a real turn off. I just don’t know why I’m holding on to this.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:15pm

  473. 473: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, the tables have turned, the child becomes the adult and takes care of the adult that becomes the child.
    Yes, you will see things in your mom that you would never have seen before.
    Stay strong, if you need to vent, you’ve come to the right place. You also have my email if you want to vent privately.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:15pm

  474. 474: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Is Mars back at its place?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:17pm

  475. 475: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol Francesca that’s what I was thinking…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:25pm

  476. 476: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Right after I posted my earlier post…E txtd me to let me know he was in the middle of moving his brother down and that he would have to put me off till tonight or tomorrow afternoon.
    Since he was the one that suggested the time change I told him it would feel wonderful if we could talk tonight. I said a couple of other things including how it would make me feel a little better if he could txt me before he needs to change plans. I did thank him for txting me and being so kind.
    He and I, I thought were past the whole getting to know you thing, but we’re not. Im a new person with a better knowledge of my needs and what I desire from a man, what makes me feel desireable. He responded a little defensively..I think its cute. I cslled him out and he didnt like it…lol Good for me.
    His txt back to me was that he was in the middle of helping his brother and lost track of time because of screaming kids etc. I felt his energy drop just reading it…ewww bad stuff comming at me.
    I then stated that I hoped he didnt feel
    judged or criticized in any way as that was
    not my intention. I told him that I have
    learned what I need and that I feel hurt
    when I push my needs aside as I have
    done in the past. I stated that I cared with all of my heart that he cared for his brother with his great big heart. I told him I appreciated him contacting me again and that tonight would feel good to get things out.
    I know there sounds like some understanding in there but it turned out because his energy shifted to “Thank you P.”
    I didnt change my need or my expectation…I just reworded it in a whole bunch of gratitude for who he is and respected his love for his family and caring for them.
    It will take him a little getting used to my new approach..If hes man enough ;)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:27pm

  477. 477: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelly, thanks. I guess I don’t feel ready to stop communication. :(

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:28pm

  478. 478: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Sun Goddess))))

    when he asks you to do that…

    PAUSE… look him in the eye… hesistate like you’re thinking about it (do actually condsider how you’re feeling about it)… and then say NO! :) with a smile… i dont want to to that…

    and thats it!… leave it hanging in the air there…

    the pausing and him seeing you actually considering it is all thats needed to show him acknowledgement and respect and NOT have it come off like “you’re trippin”

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:35pm

  479. 479: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy,

    RE: #466 – Thank you, that is very kind of you. I will. But right now I feel utterly drained. On top of that, I feel exhausted because of coughing and fighting a head cold.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:37pm

  480. 480: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    471, Daria,

    Thanks, you always know just what to do. :)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 5:38pm

  481. 481: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I dunno, but I think I may be doing something that ‘push’ men away… just wondering…yesterday this guy was all nice and wanted me to come to his place to watch a movie, I said “thanks, but I would feel better if we have our first meeting in a public place” he said to meet at a local restaurant, and that he will call, he hasn’t called since. So I guess Saturday still open for me to do something else…why men are so pushy? anyway have a cool fun date for Friday night at a sports bar/restaurant with a funny guy…and other possibilities so far…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:26pm

  482. 482: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, i hope you find some sort of ritual or activity or something that allows you to take a break from your mom…I really really don’t think it would make you a bad daughter to start taking walks without her two times a day or something.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:48pm

  483. 483: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling sleepy. I’m feeling powerful I’m feeling healthy

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 6:57pm

  484. 484: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    @ Jilly …..RE 330 I feel really empowered. I spent 5 years trying to be a great wife and cater to my husband. I realize that this is part of the reason things turned sour. There was no pleasing this man. It feels good not to give a crap about him, and tofocus on me. Loving myself is the healing I need to STOP thinking I need to DO something in order to be loved. Love is freely given, no earned. <<<< that's what love feels like to me. I want to be bathed in love……

    Jessie 1000…I felt tickled when u gave me that advice that you did, and I actually started doing just that. As my husband was moving his things out of our house, I redecoraed the entire house. I bought a brand new leather sofa & love seat set, I went to Pier One and had a BALL, every day he came back there was somehing new until everything was done. He was like WOW it looks good in here, I said Thanks with a BIG chuky cheese grin on my face…then he approached me in a more sad way, and said wow you really did a 180 degree turn, I mean now I'm leaving and u r really starting to give a crap about the house.blah blah blah, I told him well I just so happens I got my income tax moeny, and I had already planned on redecorating (which was true), and unforunaley it falls in time with you moving out.

    I am haivng a few freinds over for a Spanish Food Fiesta & Game night on Saturday (god willing), and it feels good. He never want to have my friends over for one reason or another…..thanks for your great advice and encouragement…keep it coming, I really need it, and it feels GREAT!!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:02pm

  485. 485: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m loving me this powerful ‘emlightened’ sacred being I am

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:02pm

  486. 486: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((((((femininewoman)))))))), i feel a little silly saying this to you but thank you for respecting my request for a little time before sharing your thoughts with me. i actually feel really honored that i was given that space when i felt i needed it. I’m sorry if i seemed like i was snapping at you when i was overwhelmed…you didn’t deserve it! thank you, though…it means a lot to me that you let me be and is yet another reason to me why you are our beloved fw<3

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:15pm

  487. 487: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Time to be grateful to me..

    Thank you Rose for not doing too much, overfunctioning, and making myself overly stressed

    Thank you for trusting in the universe that I will reach my desires

    Thank you for taking nice care of my skin tonight, and moisturizing my hands

    Thank you for taking time to make a nice healthy lunch and dinner, that felt so good

    Thank you for finally booking the spa treatments that I have been wanting but never making time to go

    Than you for taking notice that already 3 items can be crossed off my desire list :-D

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:18pm

  488. 488: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    C just called to let me know he made battalion command (not many do, his dream come true) at a base we really wanted to go to. I gushed and oohed and awed and congratulated and shared how happy I am for him. He was thrilled, but now I can’t stop crying because I am so sad that I won’t be there with him. I loved being a military wife, I was really good at it (a lot of leadership and volunteer work with the families and soldiers) and it’s a fresh reminder of the life and future I lost when we divorced. I feel really vulnerable and my heartache is deep. I don’t want to rain on his parade, but wish I could share with him how sad I am that we won’t be living that dream together. I really need to get on with my life and make some new dreams.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:20pm

  489. 489: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Coco kisses you are so amazing!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:22pm

  490. 490: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise it sounds like a good idea to me to do just that and share with him how sad you feel that youre not living that dream together .

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:27pm

  491. 491: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, Turq. I feel for you. Let yourself feel that pain. You gave him and your marriage the best that you had at the time. Try to remember you are both exactly where you are supposed to be right now.
    All is well, you are loved. (abraham)

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:29pm

  492. 492: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria for noticing I feel tired and setting up the space and time to rest

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:38pm

  493. 493: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((( Turquoise )))))))

    Awww :(

    I agree with Daria. I would tell him exactly what you tell him. You are honestly happy for him that his dream come true but that you feel sad, etc.

    I don’t think it’s a bad thing. It’s good to be authentic. And it’s a big thing. You can’t “pretend” that it doesn’t hurt you for ever.

    Just tell him, with no expectation of the outcome of course.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:39pm

  494. 494: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I was super productive tonight. I don’t know where I found all this motivation?

    I have wash the dishes, fold my clothes and put them away and even declustered most of my apartment!! Wow I feel impressed by myself and pretty happy. I still have a lot to do, but this is a lot better already. Hmmm I should follow FlyLady maybe to do a little bit every day…

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:43pm

  495. 495: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    @ Daria THANKS :)

    @ Turquoise, I know how u feel. I am waiting for my husband to file for divorce, and the worse part is that he just graduated from school as an aviation mechanic. He went to school for 2 years and is now taking his FAA exams to get certified. It feel sad, because all we could ever talk about is how we were going to use this opportunity to get our family life together, and have a brighter future……your post made me feel sympahetic to you.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:50pm

  496. 496: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks sirens, I did it. Sent him several texts telling how happy, proud and thrilled for him I am, but extremely sad I feel we won’t be living that dream together , because it was my dream too. But that I know he will shine, and that I really wish things had turned out differently. Oh I can’t stop crying…… And I am just letting it all out.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:53pm

  497. 497: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I picked my little one up from school sick today, and am suddenly feeling eternally grateful that we’ll be home tomorrow and I don’t have to go to work with puffy eyes.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:56pm

  498. 498: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhh Turquoise, “Sent him several texts telling how happy, proud and thrilled for him I am, but extremely sad I feel we won’t be living that dream together , because it was my dream too. But that I know he will shine, and that I really wish things had turned out differently.” seems wonderful and very authentic and touching.

    He can only be touched. That is for sure.

    Aww I’m so sorry you are feeling bad Turquoise. Wish I knew what to say.

    (((((((( Turquoise )))))))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 7:58pm

  499. 499: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    One of my friend just wrote that as her Facebook status:

    “Absence is to love what wind is to fire; when its a small fire, the wind kills it but when its a real fire, the wind intensifies it”

    - Diane Von Furstenberg

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:00pm

  500. 500: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    462 Brenda
    I soooo sooo know what you mean. I could have written this exact post word for word. I’m realizing the same things and some days it’s like all rushing at me….it’s a lot to digest.

    (((brenda)))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:02pm

  501. 501: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Lizka. Feels hard to breathe. Not sure why I am reacting so strongly to this. He will be twice as far away though which also makes me feel bad, because girls probably won’t get to see him as often and its so hard on our youngest. She breaks my heart when she cries for him. Looks like he will take command in October.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:04pm

  502. 502: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been crying like this the last 3 days Turquoise, I know what it is. But you know that when you’ll be done crying you’ll feel better and maybe released, yeah?

    I know it’s hard, I have my heart broken myself for your cute daughters, and for you too of course.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:07pm

  503. 503: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    YesLizka, maybe I will feel released…. And ready to start building my future. I’ve tossed around ideas of what I’d like to do, but no real plans. If he doesn’t come home as often, may make it a lot easier to start a new relationship too. It’s hard to see him this regularly. This is different. We haven’t spent this kind of time together, doing things as a family, much at all.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:20pm

  504. 504: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Coco kisses. I am sorry, that is such a tough place to be in, but even if he files, things can change in time. My ex and I are getting along really well, and if he didnt live out of state, I think things might be different. I went to a therapist, who really helped me a lot. Have you tried that?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:24pm

  505. 505: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    He hasn’t written back, probably sleeping. Not sure if it was too sireny to say all that in texts, but I didn’t want to wait. I express my feelings better in words too.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:29pm

  506. 506: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Written words I mean. My eyes are burning. Ugh.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:31pm

  507. 507: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((turquoise))))))))))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 8:57pm

  508. 508: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((starla))))))))
    abandon yourself you did not today;) yoda is pleased.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:23pm

  509. 509: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am watching the promo video for michael fiore’s text your ex back and it is fear mongering of epic proportions. the marketing is coming on really strong and trying to prey on my fears!! so not sure what to think.

    has anyone tried the program?

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:26pm

  510. 510: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    @ starla text the romance program is a bunch of bull ish

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:39pm

  511. 511: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    @ starla , not to mention the program is leaning forward liks crazy…i tried this program amoung other in a last ditch effort to save my marriage….i sent my husband appreciation texts….which he did nktice, but it never made him chase me, romance me, or make love to me…mike fores program is a waste in my opinion.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:42pm

  512. 512: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    This is kinda scary — We are talking talking talking and i keep hearing what I did wrong according to him etc and I have been not accepting blame and not and not and not and feeling so tense and terrible and then

    suddenly I thought — it would be so much easier to just agree with him and take the blame

    so I did

    and suddenly I physically felt such a sense of relief

    my whole body relaxed

    and I thought omgosh — this is what I have done all my life –

    take the blame

    because people finally stop blaming and accusing me when I just take it.

    and then I can rest.

    This feels so sad.

    :(

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:50pm

  513. 513: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aw (((coco)))) i hope you get your money back – he has a guarantee:D

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:50pm

  514. 514: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    oh Starla, I saw that Fiore promo thing — total fear-based marketing. I hate that kind of thing, especially to that extreme. I feel angry about those tactics.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:54pm

  515. 515: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i love me so much.

    goodnight, blog

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 9:55pm

  516. 516: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    This is a great article from Virginia Feingold Clark. Thanks, Rori!

    And right now, I am feeling kind of empowered. It was just bothering me too much – the wheels spinning in the head, etc. I know that I shouldn’t be looking for “closure.” But is seeking to express myself really “closure”? If all I want is the chance to say what and how I feel, am I trying to control anything? Heck, what would I be controlling? I don’t even *want* any type of an outcome. I don’t even *have* an agenda – unless my agenda is to say what I mean, and mean what I say.

    And listen.

    I did a whole big bunch of fat lot of talking. In fact, I think I’ve just about talked myself into the ground. And at the time, I couldn’t listen. But I heard. And now I want to hear more, and to listen, and then respond.

    That’s all I want.

    So I did it. I finally sent the email that’s been bouncing around my head for days, weeks – maybe even a month. I just told him that I want to talk, and when would be a good time for him.

    I sent it and then I went back to my business. It feels good to get it out there. I feel more honest. More myself.

    We’ll see how he responds!

    xox ~ T.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:01pm

  517. 517: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I`m totally feeling & praying for you & your Mom in your situation. Planning to email you tomorrow or the next day. Is that okay? Is your email address still the same? (((((((( Brenda )))))))) (((((((( Brenda`s Mom )))))))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:08pm

  518. 518: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    I fell asleep for a bit now Im awake. E did not call. He is toxic and I knew this. I just needed to confirm it. Playing the yoyo was no fun then and its no fun now. I deleted everything from the past few days and I know he will not contact me again and for that Im thankful.
    In my body Im feeling adrenalin and a rush I want to call fear but its not. I feel heavy, pressure in my chest and sadness that I opened my heart.
    I know its not wrong to do so. He did not receive it and thats ok too. I breath deep and focus on my heart and loving this feeling, nurturing the sad girl and offering her healing and a hug. Shifting my energy to me, not feeling wonderful.
    Realization that what B and I have is love. What E and I had was a game that was all about him. I think, yeah, I feel played. Thats it! Blinded for a minute. Wow, pushing back off the mountain and seeing E and he doesnt look good anymore not compared to the love I have now.
    He looks like nothing and I dont want to see him ever again. “Deep breath”, “Deep breath”, I want to see my own heart just fly. Fly away from him…this is healing. Hello to hope in me, hello to love in my heart, hello to perfect love. “Sigh” feeling my heart fill back up and my body calm. Eyes closed almost relaxed.
    Im proud of him for leaving, Im proud of me for having the courage to test his resolve, yes, proud to know the truth. He needed me, he did not love me. I dont need him. I need the love in my heart. Tomorrow I will go back to life as usual but better knowing that everything is exactly as it should be.
    I keep hearing “you had no right to expect so much” but I will awaken that feeling to I have a right to have my needs met by me and to ask a man that says he wants to love me to follow through. I am not wrong. He is not wrong for not following through he will learn just not with me. I release him, release sad. Will take a shower and wrap myself into a warm blanket. Feeling filled with warm love.
    Bye E

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 10:44pm

  519. 519: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Turquois))))

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:00pm

  520. 520: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #400 FW

    I find FB a great way to keep in touch with family and friends, all my photos are private for them only. I don’t go on every day and broadcast what I had for dinner, etc. but I do like to keep up with people, also I find it easier to send a few lines back and forth staying in contact rather than get an ENORMOUS email which I just had yesterday from a friend, now I feel under ENORMOUS pressure to write a long email back. :( I hate that, please not soooo much writing!!!

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:08pm

  521. 521: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #387 Lizka

    My daughter’s own version of “ATW” only really settled down when he met her and he was about 36 by then!!!

    He has spent all those years since he was about 18 travelling the world then back to Australia to save up for his next adventure then off he would go again…….some people are just like that inside, restless, I think I would have been like that when I was younger if I had been given the opportunities.

    For ATW’s it’s not a holiday it’s like a yearning to be seeing and experiencing different things, poor ATW’s just can’t help it……….I know my daughter’s ATW has one or two broken engagements and not many really long term relationships as he was never settled down enough in one place for long. When she met him he was back living with his mum (!!!) and had very little to show for his age, no home, not much in the way of possessions and no children……

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:33pm

  522. 522: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Turquoise!
    Sorry to hear all of your hurting, it sounds awful. Its hard as women to balance supporting the man in a career and finding things for ourselves.
    Sounds like you are really good at helping other people achieve but leaves so little time for you.
    I hope you find your own dreams.
    With raising families, and supporting the husband in their career development who has time for ourselves?
    Wishing you well.

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:54pm

  523. 523: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #481 Turquoise

    {{{{{ HUGS }}}}

    Oh my heart hurt when I read your post and I feel all teary for the girls but most of all for you and your dreams. I hope you shared with him how sad you feel too as well as proud, but I am behind in the posts. Take Care xxx

    Wednesday, 11 April 2012 @ 11:58pm

  524. 524: maryNo Gravatar says:

    comment 29: awesome, Daria!

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 12:10am

  525. 525: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    389 Lizka..this was most interesting to read.

    I felt enlightened about ATW . I have found a whole group of people (Men usually) who remain life long wanderers. They dont want or need a nest or kids or a permanent partner. They need to roam, explore and move on.They are gripped by wanderlust.They are not needing to be around family or their home town and they are very “in the moment” people. If they are male they sow their seeds as they go.

    They wash up in war zones, out of the way villages, deserted islands and in ashrams in India .They are alpha , fascinating and definitely not husband material.

    Do you think ATW is shaping up into one of those?
    It sure sounds possible.

    Even if he is just a “traveler” by nature and loves to be free , it feels bad to me that you are caught up on him. He is likely to be gone another three years and then some . If he wanted to travel with you then he would have been arranging that.He has known you long enough.

    Life with him could well be one of a series of long absences when his spirit gets restless. Is that what you want?

    I am sure he is like most guys and entirely honest in the moment . It doesnt mean he didnt mean what he said about traveling with you. But then is then and now is now, and now he is not calling . To me this feels like a gentle letting you go.

    It would be lovely if i have it all wrong. But your heart is telling you something when you named him Around The World.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 1:47am

  526. 526: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I am also wondering Lizka if your mind is ready for three more minutes, not three more days ?

    Seeing as he knows nothing about it and it is all about your readiness to let go of hope and expectation and bring your energy back to you where it belongs instead of reaching out after him all the time, well I wonder if three more minutes would be enough?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 1:54am

  527. 527: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    What helped me most was when i decided

    not to waste one more precious moment of my precious life pining after a man,

    and not one more precious breath sighing for him

    and not one more precious ounce of my energy thinking of him..

    it was such a relief.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 1:57am

  528. 528: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 479 Welcome

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 2:07am

  529. 529: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise ,

    I feel sad for you.

    You know I dont agree with condoning past physical violence ever in a relationship and I am of the “get out and stay out” camp. The deep fear of doing it again may be what makes him keep his distance from you . And now even more so , as there is more to lose.

    However part of me would have loved this to be a happy reunited ending to the tale. I would have felt better about all my own dismal failures and negative endings if your story had somehow worked out against all odds.

    Thank you for sharing your story and I look forward to hearing your new dreams.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 2:26am

  530. 530: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    *sigh* I feel a little sad. A man just contacted me on pof and within two or three messages told me he’s rich and can retire me and wants a long term relationship. Well. Geeze. Dude, I don’t wanna be in a relationship based on finances. I mean money is nice and all but holy hell man. Don’t we have a word for women who marry men for money? I guess I feel triggered cause B was always going on about how women are just after a man’s money. Ironic since I was the one with two jobs and all. I messaged him back and said :
    “ok. I feel a bit sad about that. I want to be in a long term relationship but not one built on finances. I once heard a wise man say that if you marry for money you earn every penny of it and
    I have seen this happen. I want to be in a relationship where I feel safe and loved and happy. Not worrying if I could be replaced because I’ve been purchased. What do you think?”

    Is this what men think women want?
    *sigh*
    And speaking of B (and when does it stop, really) I caught him creeping my pof profile. Like dude…are ya so dumb you don’t know that there’s a “who’s viewed you” feature? I logged off and searched him anonymously and he’s taken his picture down. Dude…I’ve been creeping you every other month or so for a year and you never knew it, cause I’m smarter than to do it while logged on. You think hiding your picture is going to change that? Dumbass. ohhh I’m feelin allll superior. Then his sister calls me…she’s laughing her butt off. They were all at Easter dinner and her son pipes up “uncle B, you didn’t marry aunt jen cause you guys couldn’t stop fighting.” This is the answer I gave him to his persistent questions. I said it’s like at school, if you can’t stop fighting you cant be together. This is non blaming, I said WE couldn’t stop fighting. His uncle may be a douche, and I’m sure he’ll figure it out by the time he’s 16 or so but he’s sure as hell not gonna hear it from me.
    Apparently B went stark white and stayed silent for the rest of the meal. Which is nice since it stopped him from harranging his obese sister on her portion sizes.
    Freak.
    Awww well. We don’t leave them cause they’re too fabulous.
    I’m going to get my oil changed today then I am taking my 2 year old nephew to see the “warepranes” and eat “cream cream”. I just loves his little face.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 4:23am

  531. 531: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    oh and I have a coffee date this afternoon after 4. I don’t feel inspired by this or very excited but I have a good friend who shall remain nameless who tells me I need to just go. So, I go.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 4:25am

  532. 532: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia,

    I feel intrigued and warm reading your story.
    You have helped me to see more into what *is* love and what is *not* love (games/neediness).

    Thank you.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 4:28am

  533. 533: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Turquoise)))

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 4:32am

  534. 534: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday, Dominique!

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 4:35am

  535. 535: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    GingerSky,

    RE: #510 – Thank you! My email address is brendaearthlink@yahoo.com.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 4:39am

  536. 536: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks everyone. My daughter is still feeling sick and my head is pounding, so really happy I can take the day off to take care of us. He sent me a smiley face and thank you, so, know he heard me saying how thrilled and proud I am, and he probably heard my hurt too. I am glad I shared it, would have eaten me up to hold it all in until I see him in person. I feel like I have cobwebs in my brain, can’t see through them to fresh ideas or new dreams…. But guess if I sink into these feelings more, it could be healing and know things will look better tomorrow.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 4:42am

  537. 537: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jennifer ,

    Another Siren here pointed out to me that the worry about money and men leading with money talk was all about my own triggers. In this case I would have felt similarly to you , but hey if he wants to lead with money dangling like a worm on his line , you dont have to take the bait :) And maybe you can practice a little with meeting him where he is .

    And actually the guy may just have been displaying his feathers like peacocks do! Men want to make a display to captivate us , and they generally arent very subtle either.

    “Thanks for the information about your life. It felt good to read that you had got yourself sorted and you are looking for a relationship .. It feels great to meet someone who wants what I want.”

    Kind of ignoring talk of money but acknowledging his pretty feathers .

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 4:49am

  538. 538: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Still no reply from CF. I would really like to let go of this pining feeling. I feel like I’m at the mercy of my worst emotions first thing in the morning.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 5:35am

  539. 539: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sorry Starla. I know how much that hurts.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 5:40am

  540. 540: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I used hypnosis – CD’s and self hypnosis techniques to clear the past .

    I also did the ho’oponopono visualization I wrote here on the last thread re letting go of people .

    Apart from those things I do distraction, deliberate mind shifting if a thought starts about the past and reminder that i am in the present. I then notice something in my environment in the present and pay close attention to it.

    I do EMDR using trigger phrases about the eg ” He didnt want you” or “he doesnt value you” and I do tapping re forgiveness for the hurts he inflicted.

    i also do gratitude lists , and lots of future planning of how I want my life to look and imaginign my partner with no face , just a voice and an energy and how I FEEL when safe and loved .

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 5:46am

  541. 541: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    So with all the stuff I do , I can honestly say i havent pined for ages, I also havent worried about the cancer, and I feel I am creating a relationship that I want .

    Also since I tweaked it a little recently i have two guys stepping up and other CD’s around. I am so NOT obsessed about them , not even thinking much about them just enjoying the fun activities they suggest.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 5:50am

  542. 542: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    437: Jessie1000

    jessie that was funny. i don’t always get to read as much as i want on here, but i hope you and your beau are in a better place.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 5:55am

  543. 543: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    As Lizka wrote here earlier , its about being ready to let him go so you can open your heart to love with a new man. She suspected that her attachment to ATW was blocking new opportunities ..ABSOLUTELY Lizka ..I so agree.

    I have found the further I detach myself from the past the more opportunities tend to warm up into strong possibilities.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 5:57am

  544. 544: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity, that makes me feel better. I needed that today too. I do have dreams, they just aren’t mostly about work.. And I think that is ok. I have dreams for my children… And the amazing young women I am preparing for the world. I have dreams of travel, I am a wanderer also. It’s in my soul. I have dreams of love and laughter with my family, healing And gratitude to have such a large family. I have dreams of a tender love, a beach wedding and growing old, holding hands with my love. Dreams of writing and being published, to mark name in history somehow. Dreams of grandchildren and great nieces and nephews. I dream of having a convertible again someday, driving and feeling free. In all my dreams, i’m smiling and feel loved and free.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:00am

  545. 545: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    at work someone told me i was too nice, and i laughed thinking it was a joke. but then this person apologized, and i was stunned to realize he wasn’t kidding, he really thinks i’m too nice.

    and i started thinking about how door mat like that is. and how when guys think you will tolerate crap that is what they’ll give you, to see how far they can push. it’s hard to say no to the crap. shocking, i mean, who wants crap handed to them, but it’s hard to say to say no to someone handing you crap when you’ve accepted crap for so long. it’s like, “what? are you too good for my crap all of a sudden?” i don’t want to have to explain to them or to myself why i don’t want crap anymore. “well no, it’s not that i’m too good for your crap all of a sudden. i’ve never really enjoyed holding or picking up your crap, i just was never able to tell you this. and it’s really awkward not to not keep holding your crap so i’m debating how to do this so as not to draw attention to the fact that i no longer want to put on a happy face and handle your crap.”

    i think the hardest part is explaining to myself why i don’t want to tolerate crap anymore. because it’s embarrassing. what took me so long?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:01am

  546. 546: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    SMB 514

    You gonna laugh…

    “My daughter’s own version of “ATW” only really settled down when he met her and he was about 36 by then!!!”

    ATW is 36… But his father is 60 something and still doing the same thing… 6 months here, 6 months writing in Thailand (he’s a translator). That I would like to do!

    “When she met him he was back living with his mum (!!!) and had very little to show for his age, no home, not much in the way of possessions and no children……”

    ATW lives with his mom… The reason he gives is she has cancer, but of course it’s also to save money for the next trip. He has no car, no kids of course. He does have a very good job and makes a lot of money, and I know he has A LOT of money in the bank… saves for the next trip.

    He still doesn’t know if he’s going to leave. I mean, he has the money but he’s staying here for now… So it’s no a post case, isn’t it?

    But I know that this “going or not” is what makes him hesitate all the time. He can’t take a decidsion because he doesn’t know what to do with this which I believe is the spirit of his life…

    Sometime I think that as soon as his mom dies, he is going to leave for good…

    I don’t know. I still dream that we can fall back in love and leave this dream together…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:09am

  547. 547: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    this is my first day that i really felt pining since he “regretfully withdrew his intent to court me.” i have been doing great stuff for myself, staying distracted and loving on me a whoooole lot.

    this morning i woke up sad and i felt like…i shouldn’t try to distract myself or run away from the sadness. but then my mind goes down a negative path into NV land… so I feel trapped between that or stuffing my emotions.

    where is the balance?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:10am

  548. 548: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise those dreams are so special. Can you relax yourself like meditation , then dream them, see them , hear them, and feel them happening as if its real and right now and feel those wonderful emotions of love and joy and pride and contentment etc??

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:10am

  549. 549: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Blue rose, I’ve been described as too nice before also. Many times, for the same reasons. It’s been changing though, as I get older, the more I focus on what I want instead of others, learning to say no. I am still nice, just nicer to myself. :)

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:13am

  550. 550: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    My Uncle is an ATW.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:15am

  551. 551: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    blue rose….we were in a fine place before i dumped my Beau…poor guy.

    I just felt worried not that he would dump me but that he was really starting to want to keep me…

    I panic when I think about making good choices about guys but my vibe is very different with him so I hope it scares away the crazies…and biggest one…my beau doesnt go near my kids…

    my big hook emotionally is always when the guy is

    nice with my kids and loves to do stuff with us…like

    go swimming or hiking or gets them stuff they

    want…its like my brain goes out the window….

    My Beau only met the kids once but he lives with his brother/wife and their two kids…so he isnt a complete idiot about life with kids…

    im so scared to hurt my boys and let them know anyone who doesnt stick around….

    I feel terrified cause im starting to feel close to him and im afraid to say how i feel since im not a big talker when it comes to that stuff….

    it seems like we always talk about nothing but what we should talk about….we talk about work, kids, worms in the garden, old stories from when we were kids, exes, life but never how we feel about this whole situation….

    Or how to minimize the pain of it all….I feel very scared not to be in an imaginary relationship.

    Its all i wanted and now its so much work and brings up the past….too much

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:17am

  552. 552: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka I believe the way to inspire an indecisive person to be decisive. I have to admit though reading about him reminds me of someone in my life who is born under a sign with the wind as the element. Apparently those people tend to take time to make decisions and leave no stone unturned. I tell that person that he seems to suffer from the paralysis of analysis. But I understand from Carol Allen that those people are just like that and I believe they tend to cry a lot.

    However a man living with his mama is a bit of an indicator that he is not ready to pair bond. The last man I knew did that waited until really late in life to settle, after his mother died. It seemed he felt it was his responsibility to take care of her and used that as his excuse. There was a girl who waited for him though and they are still together with two children.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:18am

  553. 553: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity

    518-520

    I cried reading your post to me…

    Yes, he probably exactly what you describe. At least he is for sure ” just a “traveler” by nature and loves to be free”. And I am aware that what I am asking him is the opposite to freedom… But why can’t we be free together?

    I knpw I have all the reasons in the world not to be caught on him. But I can’t help myself. It’s too hard. I don’t want to admit it.

    I can’t say “I will walk away from thus guy because he wants to travel” because ME TOO i want to travel in my life. So it’s not a good reason enough!

    I feel sad and powerless right now. Maybe you’re righr and I should not give 3 days. But I feel that I can’t cut it like this withlut telling him. I want to call him and beg him to love me and cry. Lol I know it’s stupid bit it’s how I feel.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:20am

  554. 554: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yes sirenity, I can do that… Or at least try. Meditating is new for me, just lasts a few min. At a time. And I have a confession to make….. I have been on the blog for about a year now, and have never looked up Abraham Hicks. I feel resistant for some reason.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:21am

  555. 555: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    what if instead of moping in bed all morning until the last second, half trying to sleep, half avoiding life (for whatever reason), i just got up right now? and got dressed and brushed my teeth and put on some pretty make up?

    what if i was totally ready to go and not rushing?

    wow i would love it if someone would do that for me. made sure i was up and ready and not feeling anxious or rushed just because i spent the morning feeling low and afraid.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:24am

  556. 556: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I was good at following the well worn negative NV paths too, but I realised there is a leap off point after you feel the negative emotion first when the NVs start spiralling and you can dismantle it right there.

    So after the triggering thought I get the feeling , sink into and feel it , call it by name then get curious about the thought that created it. The body feeling will always stop or run out while I was thinking about thoughts in a curious way. And the NV spiral just never gets started most of the time.I have a CHOICE not to think obsessively about the issue.

    A recent example, some small minded colleagues at work causing difficulties in the town ..I was going over and over in my mind what had happened and actions I should take , writing long notes etc..I felt awful..kind of twisted and sick..then I observed it and called it ‘anxiety” and got interested in the thoughts I had that caused it .These were just thoughts , not real , eg ” They dont like me or my boss” , “My reputation is at risk” etcetera..

    Having got clear on my trigger thoughts I realised they were untrue and automatically the NV’s stopped spiraling completely. Not only that but I stopped all thoughts about the issue and forgot to send the emails etc. Its like I just moved on completely . I sleep deep and sound and feel good at work . Its like the events never occurred and my feeling is great.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:24am

  557. 557: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I havent done Abe Hicks either , well I looked through a couple of books but it was a bit “uber” for me.

    I really enjoy breathing meditations and then visualising.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:26am

  558. 558: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW

    “Lizka I believe the way to inspire an indecisive person to be decisive.”

    Did you mean “the way to inspire an indecisive person to be decisive IS TO BE DECISIVE myself?”

    I’m not sure if there is words missing in your sentence or if it’s me who doesn’t understand what you mean.

    If so, what “decision” do you recommand me to take? To let go and not come back?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:27am

  559. 559: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    542: Turquoise

    that’s such a good thought. stay nice by being nicer to myself. i am going to try saying “i don’t like that” even at work.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:31am

  560. 560: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Starla))))

    Give him time to respond

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:35am

  561. 561: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka I am wondering if Carol Allen’s story could help you. She talks about letting him go and understanding that he can be free. If that is what he wants wish him the best in his dreams or travels, kinda thing, but also let him know that if he changes his mind he can contact you. She says people under the sign of the Half Man/Half Horse, is it Saggitarius, tend to be wanderers so encourage them to travel if that is what they want. I am now wondering how it plays into Rori’s Be His Anchor Tool.

    I find that letting go of a man and just leaning back kind of puts me in a mode of possibly hoping that maybe sabotages myself. But I find that thinking about closing the door totally brings more pain as I beat myself up later because it was my decision. I wonder how guys see me who I go back and forth because I advised a friend going through a divorce several years back not to do that because under those circumstances the man can’t possibly respect you. I have always believed that they respect women who tell them they are moving on and move on gracefully more rather than those who keep going back and forth. My experience is that the guys tend to come back after collapsing onto themselves. It might take a while but when they love the woman they tend to come back. Particularly if they don’t experience the woman as an angry “p”.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:35am

  562. 562: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    544: Jessie1000

    i’m sorry to hear that. it must be so confusing.

    i remember reading at one point you were afraid he might propose. could you set a boundary like, i don’t want to get married until my kids are in High School? or go to college? or what ever it is that would make this feel safe for your family? it sounds like you are so worried about hurting the children that it is hard to focus on the relationship with your beau.

    i guess, what would make this relationship feel safe for you and your kids so that you could relax? and could you share that with him?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:37am

  563. 563: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Wipe your eyes Lizka you are running your pretty mascara ! Starla is putting on her lip gloss about now and I am wondering how soon you would like to feel your power ?

    I noticed you mentioned he was likely staying till his Mom died of cancer and has money saved and is ready to go . No kids, no partner, no responsibilities He has an agenda. To be FREE.

    You love dating and are about to buy a car , a little debt , whatever..you are wanting to date and relate and settle in ..and you have a different agenda.

    No its not fair that he doesnt want to take you along. But then why would you want to travel for years with someone who is distant , non committal and doesnt want any ties right now?

    You can travel with women friends or alone and have a total blast all over the world. Been there and done that many years ago , lived over seas , traveled , worked and explored and grew. I would love you to think about your options. All of them . Going with him isnt an option he is revisiting at present.

    Also I believe if his Mom has terminal cancer he is likely withdrawing to care for her and to accept this and come to terms with life and death . No wonder he is keeping to himself.

    (i remember Jeanette here had to deal with this when her fiance was caring for a relative with cancer, he just withdraw. Sadly he died unexpectedly himself ..hugs Jeanette.)

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:38am

  564. 564: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Uggg…I feel obsessive and crazy today! This girl who is supposedly my “friend,” I feel like she’s using me to get close to Jack CD. She is being so manipulative and sneaky trying to get close to him. Kind of leaning forward without technically leaning forward. It makes me feel angry.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:38am

  565. 565: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka you understand well even though I left out the word. I believe the best is to just drift away. Live your life and your passions. Men understand well when you just relax and just be. Contacting them to say goodbye is just useless. I say use your vibe to say the goodbye. You will eventually figure it out.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:39am

  566. 566: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel afraid that seenmecryCD is going to marry his girlfriend sometime within the next year, because she’ll know what she’s doing and I won’t know what I’m doing and I feel afraid of getting close to him as a friend only to have him run off and get married.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:39am

  567. 567: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    With the guy who broke my heart, I NEVER in a million years thought he’d run off and get married. He did. and he didn’t even seem to be that happy about it. I’m not saying that out of a place of bitterness or anything. It is what I absolutely believed at the time, and still believe, even now.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:40am

  568. 568: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel fear, fear, fear.

    I feel neglected by my other CDs. I feel like this is an irrational feeling, because they haven’t really been neglecting me at all! I usually feel like I get plenty of attention.

    I guess I just feel lonely. It just started this morning. These feelings of fear and insecurity and obsessing.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:40am

  569. 569: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I just came back from my date with SmartCD and it all went really well until when this morning he got a call from a parent coordinator and got into another argument. After that he paid a lot less attention to me, didn’t offer to pay for my bfast, didn’t even kiss me putting me in my cab and no plans to visit me where I am going.

    I should have reacted on the spot, but is it a good idea to text that this good bye felt kind of cold? I am leaving tonight and I have not heard have a nice trip or anything to this matter. Don’t think I will to be honest.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:41am

  570. 570: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Outgirl her Iamabutterfly

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:45am

  571. 571: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Listen hear, you feelings of fear, insecurity, and obsessing! I accept you. You are just trying to protect me. You STILL aren’t appreciating how amazing you are. You are loving people “out there” a little too much, and not loving yourself enough, deep inside you.

    The more I spend time with you, the more I am amazed at the well of feelings and experiences and insights and wonderfulness inside you.

    YOU ARE AMAZING! I FORGIVE YOU FOR EVERYTHING, AND YOU DON’T EVEN NEED AS MUCH FORGIVENESS AS YOU THINK YOU NEED. YOU ARE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF.

    and I even love you for that, because it shows how much you want to do well in life. You are doing great. You are more compassionate than most. You are more noble than most. You are more self-sacraficing than most. You’ve already give so much. Let me give to you now.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:48am

  572. 572: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like a crazy person, talking to myself like this.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:49am

  573. 573: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Last night when he was making love to me he screamed ‘I really like you!’

    Ok, maybe I should just go and take care of my stuff..

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:52am

  574. 574: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 564 Thanks, feminine woman. I know I should…but I felt myself feeling really grumpy and when I feel grumpy my voice gets lower and I feel like I almost turn masculine. She’s younger than me and never been hurt and she has less fear than me because of that and I almost hate her for that, but that’s not even fair because I used to be that girl.

    I wish I could be that girl again.

    No!!! I don’t!!!

    I am better now, and any IDIOT man who doesn’t see the depth and wonderfulness that comes from that place of pain is an emotionally shallow IDIOT who doesn’t deserve me!

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:52am

  575. 575: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I hope he felt her fakeness and I hope he felt her using me and I hope he felt disgusted by it.

    I feel disgusted by it.

    She should feel disgusted by it.

    I know I’m judging here, but I just need to vent…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:53am

  576. 576: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo , it reads like he is really caught up in his divorce and his child custody issues .

    He is not ready for what you want from him.He was downright rude . He was distracted and angry about the argument on the phone .He did not make you or your relationship a priority.

    I suggest you dont send that text , its unnecessary, he knows he treated you badly .Let him go and softly fade away , keeping your dignity.

    That is leaning back . If he approaches later then it may be appropriate to express all those feelings to him but at the moment he is pressured and angry and you may just make him feel more of both.

    Divorce is dirty business. Having been through all this stuff myself, divorced and dated many separated /divorced people , I will not now date any man who is not thoroughly divorced with amicable attitude to his ex and solid loving child access arrangements.

    This sort of drama you have just witnessed is inherent in the process and you will come a poor second for his attention. Time may help this, on average a couple of years at least after the divorce is finalised according to my observations.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:55am

  577. 577: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW

    “If that is what he wants wish him the best in his dreams or travels, kinda thing, but also let him know that if he changes his mind he can contact you.”

    Wonderful!! I like that a lot!

    I just realise that I was actually afraid to close the door and tell him that I officially want to make my life without him because I know he would ever call. He is like this. I’ve seen similar things happened in his life with a drama-friends (a girl) who walked away and he never called her again until she returned by herself.

    Yes yes, I want to tell him that I am setting him free. That I choose to be happy and that I don’t want to be on the way to his dream, that I wish I would be part of the dream and that if he changes his mind, my phone will always be on.

    What do you think??

    And also, can I do it by text? Or should I see him in person?

    And should I do it now? It sounds weird to tell him this now as not even 2 days ago I told him that I never wanted him to call me again… It’s gonna look like a game I think… Maybe I should at least wait a few days.Wait until the weekend and at the same time it’s gonna give him his 3 days of “probation”?

    What do you think FW? Sirens?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:55am

  578. 578: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, you are so right, “give him some time.”

    and i kinda know in my heart that if he and i are going to work out, giving it some time would be a good idea. and not jumping back into our old relationship but a brand new, better one.

    i love my sadness.

    and actually it’s mostly fear that he won’t want me.

    but i want me:):):) hehe yay

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:04am

  579. 579: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm ok I’m gonna go run and think about all this.

    I rarely feel that motivated to go running.

    It’s like my body knows it’s gonna feel good during and after. Like it knows I’m gonna feel release from the pain and sadness.

    Wow maybe my body is getting addicted to the run?

    That would be wonderful! I would have no motivation problem ever again!

    Plus it’s a beautiful sunny day today. Awww I’m gonna feel so good after running.

    :)

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:08am

  580. 580: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    It’s that time of the month for me, and you know what? I love all the pain and craziness that comes out, because it’s part of me, and I am going to LOVE MYSELF if it kills me.

    Maybe it will kill me.
    That part of myself that hates myself.
    Maybe she needs to die.

    Sometimes I hate who I used to be.

    I was so young and wonderful and skinny and I had boys and guys and men falling at my feet, and I would break their hearts like fine china, but I didn’t know their value, I didn’t know MY value, dang it, I still don’t know MY value.

    I didn’t even understand how many men I’d hurt or how much I hurt them until I got hurt myself.

    and I find myself wanting to grovel at the feet of all of them, begging them for forgiveness, telling them how I didn’t know anything, and how I still don’t know anything except what it’s like to lose.

    Finally, I’ve learned what it’s like to lose!!

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:10am

  581. 581: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    and sometimes I feel so angry at people who have never been hurt!!!

    and sometimes I feel so at angry at people who don’t see their own value!

    Probably because I’m angry at that girl I used to be that had never been hurt!

    Probably because I am STILL that girl who doesn’t see her own value!!

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:12am

  582. 582: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    STOP BEING THAT GIRL!!!!

    YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE!!!

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:13am

  583. 583: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I like the bit about setting him free to live his dream / I would leave out wishing you were part of his dream ..he already knows that doesnt he? Dont want to sound grovelly..or door matty.

    “I feel so happy now things are resolved . You are on your way to exciting times and though I will miss you I feel thrilled to know you are living your dream. As for me I am excited with all the new things in my life. It would feel good to share travel tales one day so keep in touch.”

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:16am

  584. 584: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like screaming: WHY CAN’T A MAN THAT I WANT JUST LOVE ME AND FREAKING TAKE ME!!!

    WHY AM I DISGUSTED BY THE MEN WHO SEEM MOST INTERESTED?

    WHY DO THEY SEEM PATHEDIC TO ME?!!!

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:17am

  585. 585: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    It’s like I look at them and I see everything I hate about myself…

    and there the ones who seem to want me the most…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:18am

  586. 586: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    *they’re. !@#$@!#$% grammer.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:19am

  587. 587: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    But Sirenity, he is not going anywhere yet…

    Nothing is resolved for him.

    He just told me “I don’t even know what to do with myself” and “I have a lot in my mind lately”

    He haven’t say it’s about travelling. He is just lost and doesn’t know what to do.

    I presumed that it’s about travelling because that’s his passion and that’s his whole life hesitation, we’ve discuss it so much in the past.

    So I could just tell him that I am giving him the space to FIND HIS PLACE in the world and REALISE HIS DREAMS and that I wish him good luck and that I am walking away for now because I want to be happy and if he thinks our dreams can’t get along, it’s better like this and that if he changes his mind, he still can call me because I might still be there.

    Is that good?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:22am

  588. 588: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so connected to SeenmecryCD.

    I thought he wouldn’t want to have anything to with me, after my little “outburst,” he seems even more interested in me.

    I’ve seen him and this other friendCD like, staring at me, and when I notice them staring at me, they start to look almost guilty?

    What in the world?!

    Do I make men feel guilty?

    Do I feel guilty?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:24am

  589. 589: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    how do I feel when they stare at me? I feel caught off guard. I feel curious. I feel irritated because they have girlfriends, and yet they still want to stare at me…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:26am

  590. 590: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I also feel really really good when they stare at me. But I don’t know which of these feelings “win” on my facial expression.

    I probably just look confused?

    Can guys even read the emotion of confusion on your face?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:28am

  591. 591: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    I have to agree fully with Sirenity in 569. I have mentioned this to you before, but it can’t be stressed enough. You simply CAN NOT have a “normal”, solid relationship with a man who is still going through a divorce. And this one seems pretty heated and NOT amicable. He may (or may not) eventually get to that amicable place with his ex that Sirenity described. But until that day, you’re going to be a rollercoaster ride with this dude. If you can deal with the ups and down inherent in that type of relationship, it may work…

    If not, it’s going to be a constant source of frustration and feeling like you’re not getting what you need.

    I wish you the very best as you wade through all of this…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:28am

  592. 592: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel cloudy. I feel confusion and hurt and also this strange, powerful, curious joy all at the same time.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:33am

  593. 593: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel in control of my beautiful emotions. There’s so many of them, and I pity those who don’t or won’t try to understand them. I’m trying to understand them. They’re so mysterious and layered and varied, just like my life experiences, just like my life.

    My beautiful, unique, one-of-a-kind life.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:36am

  594. 594: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    It’s funny how some Sirens don’t like Abraham or are a bit nervous of it, the first time I listened to them (heaven knows how I got there) I cried as I felt I had “come home” so to speak, but I can understand why some people think it’s a bit woo woo, for instance I would never share with my sisters that I listen – they would think I am crackers lol!! My daughter rolls her eyes, but my son is a bit more open to it, so he inherited all my books and stuff when I came back here to England to live.

    Though I admit to stumbling a bit off the spiritual path of late I know I will get back on course eventually.

    Each to their own.

    And as they say

    “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:40am

  595. 595: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Why would I ever want to deny what I feel? Is what I feel my reality? It is my reality. and yet I know that there’s an out there, and that there’s people out there who don’t quite understand my reality.

    I love it in here, and I love it out there.

    I want to be able to feel what everyone feels and I want everyone to be able to feel what I’m feeling.

    I feel thankful for truth.

    There is both a subjective and an objective truth.

    Truth feels like biting into a piece of fruit.

    Now I feel freaked out.

    Because I’m thinking of Eve…

    What is truth?

    Thy word is truth…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:41am

  596. 596: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Who am I, as a woman?
    What is my place, as a woman?
    What are my gifts, as a woman?
    What is my power, as a woman?

    Is it limitless?

    Can I move moutains?
    I can give life.
    I can breathe life into the lifeless.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:44am

  597. 597: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Is true deity actually feminine?

    I feel scared to question what I believe…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:45am

  598. 598: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I keep thinking about this blog I read that talks about masculine and feminine energies.

    The most masculine expression is DYING.
    The most feminine expression is GIVING LIFE.

    As a Christian, I am told in scripture to put “the old man” to death, and to be raised as a new creature.

    So many passages about putting off the old man and putting on the new…

    Who is the new?
    Is it you?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:47am

  599. 599: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Men need women, I believe, far more than women need men.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:48am

  600. 600: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Men are afraid of our power…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:49am

  601. 601: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel too powerful…I wish I knew how to manage my power…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:51am

  602. 602: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    The definition of meekness is power under control.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:52am

  603. 603: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    we are told to be meek in scripture.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:53am

  604. 604: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel in awe of scripture. I feel in awe of God.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:53am

  605. 605: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    spam spam spam.
    on this blog and in a can.

    I feel silly.
    I accept my silliness.
    I love my silliness.
    I love ME.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:55am

  606. 606: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @588 Silvermoonbeam – I know what you mean about being perceived as a fruity, out-there somebody. They just don’t know what they’re missing…

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 8:00am

  607. 607: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka I don’t like the part about setting him free to live his dream. It gives the impression that you might have been thinking of holding him. Also waiting to contact him in 3 days comes across as if you spent all that time thinking about him and planning a game. Suggesting, that you have nothing else going on in your life. I believe you have given him enough to think about and choosing to just lean back and let the relationship boat drift until he decides to take the oars would be something new for you and that is what I encourage you to do. Whatever you wish to tell him, I would use my mind and heart to do it rather than my voice or text. I would experiment with using the unspoken spirit/ether to communicate my intentions and trust that he will feel it. Remember romance is about feelings. Words are only a part of what we use to build those feelings.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 8:39am

  608. 608: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I agree with FW about the setting free… It sounds like you believed he belonged to you. Try the hippopponu (sp) visualization, and let him go in your mind. The 3 days was a final test for you…. He came back to you once, if it’s meant to be… He’ll come back.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 9:03am

  609. 609: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok. You are right about the setting free. :)

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 9:23am

  610. 610: moselleNo Gravatar says:

    I recently started dating a man I met at church. He approached me a few months ago so it has been so starting out with coffee and then dinner and movies. But lately (been dating about 2 months) I am feeling a bit suffocated. Maybe it is because I am independent and like my space but this last week he either would show up unexpected or call every friggn day. One day he came by and said he lost his job and wanted to know if he could visit for a while. It was too much because after that visit he kisses me and it felt like not the same anymore. Like I was being his buddy and then kissing him just didn’t jibe with me. Is kissing a form of “friends with benefits”? He said things like how he was a part of an online group of widowers (he is a widower) and that he was going to travel to Las Vegas to meet them and most of them are women. That’s fine but I don’t want to hear that! I don’t tell him who I date.
    Anyhow, I am dreading going to church this Sunday because we just started sitting with each other and I don’t know if that is so cool anymore.
    I feel like maybe he is kinda a train wreck. He is a nice man, was married 29 years to an addict who died 2 years ago and he hasn’t gotten his own place and just started dating a while back. From his history he seems to be attacted to women with mental problems and that worries me.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 11:38am

  611. 611: moselleNo Gravatar says:

    More information:
    I’m 55 and he is 58. I have been single for over 30 years. So I have dated and been single and independent for a long time. Can kissing be a form of “friends with benefits”?

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 11:45am

  612. 612: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Moselle, the question I would ask myself is why I attracted this man into my life? Or is it that you decided to date him because he is available and you are single? I ask because I have done that in the past. REgarding the sitting together, guys tend to act as if. As such my experience as been that they will act like you are their wife or girlfriend even when nothing is official. I have been introduced as one cds wife even though he did not officially ask me to marry him and had even said he thought marriage was unnecessary. I would encourage you to cdate also to tell him that you feel weird with his coming around unannounced or without any prior plans. This reeks of taking stuff for granted and should be relationship deepen I believe there would be more of this if he does not know what your boundaries are. I don’t think kissing is a form of FWB. I think of it as just kissing. We do it all the time on the job. I have guys who will even kiss me on the lips. It might be cultural thing for them so I have relaxed around it and don’t allow it to bother me anymore. Get clear on how you feel when he talks about other women and share that is another thing I would experiment with.

    Regarding the job situation, I don’t believe men can really feel good and masculine when their careers aren’t on track so maybe if he brings up commitment related talk I would tell him I would rather take things slowly until he has taken care of himself and can focus on a real relationship.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 11:49am

  613. 613: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I feel much the same as you do today. I can`t get over NSM. I hate feeling like this. My life being so down & losing this relationship are too much for me. I need to admit that I need professional help. I am going to call my Mom`s church. They have a Celebration Recovery program. I am giving in to this. If I dont all I`ll do is keep being dysfunctional, unemployed, depressed etc & stalking NSM w my energy bc I cant stop thinking about him & he can feel it & he hates it. I can`t stand to lose him. I am addicted. It hurts too much. I am calling the church now.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 12:24pm

  614. 614: GingerSkyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I feel much the same as you do today. I can`t get over NSM. I hate feeling like this. My life being so down & losing this relationship are too much for me. I need to admit that I need professional help. I am going to call my Mom`s church. They have a Celebration Recovery program. I am giving in to this. If I dont all I`ll do is keep being dysfunctional, underemployed, depressed etc & stalking NSM w my energy bc I cant stop thinking about him & he can feel it & he hates it. I can`t stand to lose him. I am addicted. It hurts too much. I am calling the church now.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 12:26pm

  615. 615: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Um…so…this money dude is wierd. I’m blocking him. He’s telling me he’s going to start making $20 million a month next month. He’s been held back till now by magic and since I’m a nurse I know all about that.
    His thoughts are disordered, he has delusions of persecusion and grandeur. I’m thinking serious mental health issues here. FML. I feel a certain amount of compassion for him but really….FML.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 12:54pm

  616. 616: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Now I am ok if my C.dates only last for a few months, I can take a break date myself and then CD other men again…Maybe I don’t need commitment (maybe I want one). I just have to learn not not let that disappointment of men leaving hurt me too much. There’s always next time :)

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 5:35pm

  617. 617: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I saw CD song today for the first time in a month . . . he looks so good in the sun light

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 6:50pm

  618. 618: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Eeeeeee sirens!!

    I feel so excited to get home and tell you about my day!

    A new car… And a new date!!

    I’m too excited to be patient and type on my phone so as soon as I get home I’ll give you all the details!!

    Haha Turquoise you were right when you said “who knows who you’re gonna meet at the car dealership.”

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:11pm

  619. 619: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tired.

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:17pm

  620. 620: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Excuse me…

    I FEEL tired.

    LOL! :lol:

    Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 7:19pm

  621. 621: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I gotta catch up! LOL!

    Friday, 13 April 2012 @ 5:43am

  622. 622: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I felt weird reading SMB’s (your) comment about ATW, and comparing him to the man that your daughter met, saying that he “had very little to show for his age, no home, not much in the way of possessions and no children……”

    How or why is it that having a home/possessions/children are the only markers for success at any age?

    For sure, those are markers that many people value, and that make it easy to assess whether a person has done this or that thing that would result in having those items. But what if for some people having the house with the white picket fence and 2 cars in the garage and 2.3 children and a dog just aren’t the be-all and end-all of life?

    What if what he has is so much more valuable and interesting than any of those things, because they are not “things”?

    A man who has other priorities is certainly not within all of society’s norms, but that doesn’t have to mean that he is strange or weird, or that there is even something faulty with him. Just different. He comes at his success in a different way. His wanderlust and his travels have enlightened him to life, vitality, passion and experience in a way that someone who stays in the same place all their life and “succeeds” at getting all the “things” you mentioned can never speak to. This type of man could be a WONDERFUL partner. It’s not a matter of “tying him down” or making him “give up” his need/desire to travel or move around. Everyone who wanders or travels is looking for a home. They are looking for a place to keep their heart. And you can bet that when they find that perfect place – if it is the perfect place (meaning you, if you are that woman) – then they are never going to give it up. Even if they keep traveling.

    Does this make sense?

    Friday, 13 April 2012 @ 8:41pm

  623. 623: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Ooh, Lizka – new car! So exciting!! :-)

    I feel happy for you!

    Friday, 13 April 2012 @ 8:42pm

  624. 624: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Well, ladies. I just got home from a great date with 2 girl friends. It was so wondeful – I forgot how much I love just chatting with women about our lives/dates/etc. over food and shopping. So much fun!

    I bought 2 gorgeous nail colors, and I am going to give myself a mani-pedi, soak myself in the bathtub, and then go to sleep. YUM! I feel so excited for that. : )

    And tomorrow, I am going to have more fun with girl friends, and dancing with my favorite type of guys – Indians!! lol. I’m so funny. I make myself laugh :-)

    The guys are coming out of the woodwork again, too, which is nice. :) not that they haven’t been there all along…tehee. What a funny image. “woodwork.” It makes me think of little miniature men crawling out from between boards in the walls or something. lol

    And a mini update to a now very boring story, I’m sure. After all of this, I saw that OM wrote back to me today. (I kind of want to change his moniker here. He can’t be the “Orchid Man” the way I had originally envisioned – the man who would learn how to care for me and treat me the way I needed, like a beautiful orchid, so I would flower. Not so much. I’ll keep the M, and just go with VM. V stands for his name, and I always want to type that anyway. So he is now VM.)

    Anyway, I saw that VM responded to my email. I didn’t have time to read it. And now I am not checking email until Sunday (as is my customary practice). So I guess it will just have to wait! Aw, too bad. I almost did read it, actually. I’m sure it would only have taken a few seconds. But, truth be told, I just didn’t want to ruin the suspense. And I didn’t want any untoward information to get in the way of my nice fun weekend. I still want to keep the focus on ME. And I can’t do that if I am being distracted by whatever he said and trying to formulate a response. Besides, I want to keep “him” out of my mind, so I can feel free and open meeting other guys!! :-)

    Lol. And I’m looking forward to it, too. ; )

    Good night, ladies. I am off to pamper myself!!! xox

    Friday, 13 April 2012 @ 8:53pm

  625. 625: sandyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rory,
    My situation has been described in your blogs-his adult kids, critiscim, lack of affection etc. I made the decision to part for at least one month for him to re consider what he wants (ultimatum) !! He called twice Re: a friends’ funeral. I’ve not heard a word since Mar.20 and have been in terrible shape. He said he needed me but never used “L” word in 2 yrs. I decided I needed to be No.1 and be treated as such. The only pride I have left is by not making any contact-I think of him 24/7 and feel terrible.

    Friday, 20 April 2012 @ 12:24pm

  626. 626: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    sandy – I deleted your last name for your privacy… this man does not sound like a good bet to align your heart with – can you put him on your horse and Circular Date and take care of yourself so you’ll feel better? Love, Rori

    Saturday, 21 April 2012 @ 9:29am

  627. 627: Mary AnnNo Gravatar says:

    Ms. Raye I am a 49 year old, marketing professional, with a 23 year track record of success. I have been married twice, engaged 6 times, and the mother of two high acheiving daughters whose ages are 12 and 14. I am college educated and have been a “student of the social sciences” for many years. The reason I share those minimal facts with you is so you know that you may be writing your comments for women aged 21-30, but your words transend age, education and experience. Your article was over-whelming in it’s information, the manner it was written and it’s style. I am sure you receive notes like this all of the time, but please take this one to heart: you have made a big difference in my life and the lives of my children. I will forever be one of your professional advocates. I am planning on reccommending your web-site to all of my contacts, friends, and family members, something I never do. I am in your debt. Mary Ann

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:09pm

  628. 628: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Mary Ann – Thank you so much – Love, Rori

    Monday, 7 May 2012 @ 11:21am

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