I thought it would be interesting to completely ignore Valentine’s Day on this blog about Love! I got SO many emails about today from so many relationship writers (including mine…) – I just wanted to let it sit there and wind down, and see what you all made of the day for yourselves…
You are all so inspirational, and I feel so grateful for your willingness to tell your stories about your childhoods – and I’m just mouth-open, heart-open reading all the comments over the last two days.
So – now that the day’s come and gone, here’s my favorite Valentine’s Day post, and let’s do it together – I’ll love me and you love you, and we’ll not have expectations or ideas about the MEANING of this “occasion.” No man enters into this. It’s just between me and me and you and you, and let’s see how that works!
Okay – Valentine’s Day can thrill us or torture us. We can pretend we don’t care, or we can go into a funk, or we can enjoy what we have if we’re in a relationship or have a good date, or we can make Valentine’s Day a day of love for US.
We can make it a spa day or a manicure day, or a lunch with ourselves day, or a lunch or movie with our girlfriend’s day, or a sit home with a book, or a sit in a park day…and the amazing thing is — it’s really not all that big a deal anymore.
The Symbolism Of The Whole Thing Is About Expectations
What do you expect, that Valentine’s Day can make you feel fulfilled or make you feel like you’ve lost something?
If this is about “forever after” for you and you’re not there – well, the expectations put you in a state of “lack.”
If this is about “right now” – the expectations put you in a state of “action” – “let’s get this thing happening!” comes into your vibe, along with anxiety for having to make it happen.
If this is about “someday” – the expectations put you in a state of “wish” or “dream” – and that can feel good or plain neutral, unless you start comparing the dream to “reality” and fall back to “lack.”
So – what would I like to suggest?
How About We Go Smack For “What Is”?
That means – whatever you’ve got going today – don’t make a decision about if it’s good or bad, and don’t judge it in advance.
If you’re feeling wistful or dreadful, or anxious, or upset, or lonely, or angry about such a stupid holiday, or anything that doesn’t feel good to you, send a Valentine to it.
If you’re feeling upbeat and hopeful, and beautiful (you are beautiful, yes you are…), and happy with the day outside your window, and good with what you want and can do for yourself to have good feelings today – that’s your Valentine, and send it to ALL of you – head to toe – sort of as beauty oil to all parts of you for the next moment and the next.
Let’s make Valentine’s Day about loving how you feel – no matter WHAT that is.
You can actually GIVE YOURSELF a Valentine – buy it, or make it out of paper and markers and whatever you’ve got if arts-and-crafts please you. And when you do it…make sure you love what IS about where you’re at..and just ladle that love on.
I’m going to give a bunch of Valentine’s to me today…here’s one to my Nasty Voice: “I know that even though the sun is shining so beautifully and I feel so lucky with everything in my life, there are little rough patches inside me now that feel scratchy and I can feel you, Nasty Voice, jumping on those and trying to worry me and speed me up…and…well…that’s okay. Happy Valentines, Love, Rori.”
Or…”I see me in the mirror, and, yeah, we look a bit tired, yeah…I can feel how disappointing that is inside, it’s kind of sitting on you, chest…oh…I’m going off now into ignoring this wrinkle…well…I’ll just slather on some love, here, and let’s go put some oil on you…and…Happy Valentine’s…we’re all still here…I love you, as ever…Rori.”
So – I’m sort of writing Valentines from Rori to Rori…
If you like this…go ahead and write some Valentines from you to you, and put them out here for us all to revel in and copy…
And Here’s My Valentine For You…
No matter where you are, no matter what you’re doing, no matter what’s happening, or who out there looks like he loves you and who looks like he doesn’t – it’s all a matter of opinion.
My opinion is that you’re gorgeous, lovely, sexy, universally-accepted-beyond-words lovable and desirable, and my opinion is that wherever you love you, so does everyone and everything else, and even where you do not love you, and hold the opinion that no one else could possibly love this piece in you if you don’t, well, actually…everyone and everything else does love you.
All you have to do to make it real for you is to see it and receive it.
We pitch love, you catch it.
It might not look like the expectations you’ve been advertised, but it’s love all the same. It’s a message of love.
Don’t try to decode it.
If you don’t like what it looks like, just slather on the love all over yourself, and catch the next thought, feeling, insight, bit of fluff that’s full of love and just might look and feel better.
Inside YOU – it’s always moving around, always surprising.
The way we get stuck in a gear of “lack” or “anxious” is to lean on the same messages over and over and over that give us the same feelings over and over and over.
Strike out new today. Send a Valentine to what isn’t perfect. To what doesn’t even feel good inside you.
Send a message to yourself that you’re up for an upgrade, one word of love from you to you at a time.
The important thing is to take in love – wherever you catch it – from words, from the air, from your own heart, from objects and animals, from trees, from the spa technician, from the water at the pool and water in your drinking glass.