What Were You Thinking, Girl? How To Stop Self-Sabotage

   

This is a guest post by Ali Binazir MD – of http://taoofdating.com/ and I asked him if I could reprint it…because I liked it. It’s especially for you if you’re in your twenties – and I think it’s illuminating for all of us about how we “go cold” on a good man because subconsciously, and by habit, we’re deeply afraid to open up and trust love to happen:

One of the most gratifying and distressing aspects of my job is being on the receiving end of the unsolicited confessions of you, my readers. Gratifying, because it means you want to share juicily incriminating stories with me. Distressing, because they confirm some of my worst suspicions about human behavior.

One of those suspicions that has been confirmed far too many times for me to ignore is that, when it comes to dating, women in their twenties are exceptionally good at self-sabotage. I cannot tell you the dozens upon hundreds of times a thirtysomething woman has cast her eyes to the floor, bent her head slightly and said sheepishly, “I was so awful to men in my twenties.”

Yeah, no kidding. I dated you in your twenties, and girl were you a handful. You showed up late, canceled at the last minute, or didn’t show up at all.

You got too clingy, too distant, too demanding, too giving, all in the space of a day.

You demanded commitment but refused to stay over.

You stayed over but wouldn’t take my calls the next day.

You showed huge enthusiasm to get together and spend time, proceeded by zero follow-up.

You took days to return phone calls and emails, if you ever responded.

You got stupid drunk and acted like a complete loser.

I’m not just describing what’s happened to me personally – these are things that have happened to every man out there (after getting thousands of their letters, I should know). And if you see a glimmer of recognition in any of these behaviors, gimme a little nod and silently say, “Yup, that was me.”

So if you’re still in that phase where you’re interested in bad boys who are negligent, abusive, deceptive, self-absorbed losers who just want to get into your pants, this article is not for you – feel free to skip it.

If you’re still reading this, I’m assuming that you’re a smart woman interested in a meaningful relationship with a Good Guy™. Let’s parse who this Good Guy is. He’s the kind of guy who treats you exceptionally well – and himself, too. The two go hand-in-hand. Sure, he likes sex as much as the next guy, but he’s interested in something deeper than that. Mere dessert does not fulfill him – he wants the full meal.

What you need to remember about the Good Guy is that he has pretty good self-respect. He’s been working on himself, he knows his own value, he treats others well – so he does not put up with subpar behavior. Why should he? He’s got options.

Let’s use a metaphor, shall we? Let’s say you own a very popular gourmet restaurant that’s booked months in advance. You see an old friend, and as a gesture of kindness, you invite the friend to come by for a meal at the restaurant. On you. Ahead of the dozens of patrons with reservations.

Your friend does not show up. Now, how hard are you going to try to get that friend back in your restaurant? Who loses out?

Think of the Good Guy as that restaurateur. When he invites you into his full life, treat it like that out-of-turn reservation: a special opportunity extended to you. If it’s not your kind of food, fine – you can always decline politely. But if it is – show up, for godssakes!

Showing up is super-important because the alternative puts you in a really bad bind. When you don’t show up, act erratically or show disrespect – whether intentionally or not – you weed out all the guys who have self-respect. They’re just going to say forget this and move on.

That leaves you two categories of men: those who are too desperate and needy to notice they’re being walked on; and those who are determined to get into your pants at any cost. Rest assured that you don’t want to be with either of them.

So when women ask, “Why am I attracting all these bad boys/losers?,” a lot of the time the answer is – you’re not.

Statistically, you’re attracting all kinds of guys, winners and losers, all the time.

You’ve just gotten very good at weeding out the good ones and keeping the bad apples.

Often this just means that you’re a little too stuck on your physical type, so you’re filtering out all the great guys out there who don’t fit that type.

My friend Nicole – 32, sweet, tall, smart, dazzling – only goes for guys 45+ who are taller than her. It should come as no surprise that these guys, who are either divorcees with kids or confirmed bachelors, have no interest in marrying her, and every one of these relationships tank.

We’re not going to get too much into the etiology of this phenomenon. I just want you to realize that you have a lot more power in your love life than you think. And the more aware you are, the more power you have.

So make it a habit to treat guys well all the time. Respond to communication in a timely manner, show up on time, and give everyone the courtesy of closure instead of blowing them off.

Don’t do it for him – do it for you. Because you just never know which one of these guys who starts out as a stranger is going to be the love of your life.

Dr. Ali Binazir

***

From Me:

The difference between being “nice” to a man – and being “nice” to a man because you’re afraid to show any OTHER feelings is HUGE.

Essentially – “nice” isn’t the word we want to use – we want to be OPEN.

We want to give a man a chance, and not let our subconscious fears and habits wreck our opportunities to get to know a “nice” man.

By following your feelings, tracking them along with your body’s sensations and tensions – you’ll start to know if your instinct to shut down around a man (or cut him off and close your heart to him) is serving you by letting you know if he’s a Mr. Wrong with red flags, or cutting yourself off from love.

No matter what – shutting down is an act of protection you don’t need.

Shutting down EVER isn’t serving you.

Instead, hear your inner voices and track your instincts – they ARE serving you by giving you INFORMATION – and yet, don’t let them, ever, shut you down.

As you become more aware of when you’re shutting down – and what makes you want to go away from a man and what makes you want to be all over him – you’ll start to catch the tricks of chemistry and instead make a determination to BUILD chemistry with a man who’s ABLE, WILLING – and LOVES you!

Love, Rori

Related Posts


written by • Permalink •

1,123 Comments to “What Were You Thinking, Girl? How To Stop Self-Sabotage”

  1. 1: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Bingo!

    Now I’ll read the article!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:17am

  2. 2: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “By following your feelings, tracking them along with your body’s sensations and tensions – you’ll start to know if your instinct to shut down around a man (or cut him off and close your heart to him) is serving you by letting you know if he’s a Mr. Wrong with red flags, or cutting yourself off from love.”

    I feel so shut down around WM.
    He loves me, and everyone likes him, even my family. I hate him for being some kind of ‘golden boy’. I look like the villain next to him.

    I HATE HIM for being so good.

    What is that about?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:25am

  3. 3: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Really deep article

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:30am

  4. 4: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “Shutting down EVER isn’t serving you.”

    I am shutting down. I feel so much anger and resentment. I feel so restricted. I feel bored.

    I don’t know how to heal this.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:33am

  5. 5: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Wow April! What IS that about? Maybe you don’t believe you deserve to be with someone so “good”? Maybe it is really yourself you hate? I have no idea, but if he is really that great of a guy, it is worth figuring out what you are feeling in order to keep from pushing him away for the wrong reason. Fear of ???

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:36am

  6. 6: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rori he speaks about the courtesy of closure which you discourage. I assume the fact that you love the article suggests that there is a “context” for closure so I would love to know your take on that. I would also assume that people like Starla would also like to know.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:39am

  7. 7: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    April Rose, that “anger and resentment” you feel will NOT go away on its own. You will have to resolve it, or the relationship will die a (possibly) slow, insidious death. Each one of those resentments act like little papers between magnet and steel…dulling the attraction, driving the two entities apart.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:44am

  8. 8: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Calypso,

    I sense there is some kind of fear…????

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:50am

  9. 9: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    CurvySiren,

    Yes, my resentment is not going away by itself.

    I have told him “I feel resentful”, but I can’t feel that way AND remain open and warm, like Rori advises.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:52am

  10. 10: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    Resolving your resentment requires “dumping” it. Letting him know how you feel and gaining understanding of why he does the things you are resentful about. It takes a genuine state of curiosity and a burning desire to understand your partner. If that is not there, you are just spinning your wheels and it will only get worse…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:55am

  11. 11: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so guilty reading this.
    I feel triggered.
    I feel angry at myself for letting so many good guys go.
    I feel also feel angry at men.
    Like there’s this double standard.
    A man would NEVER even dream of asking a woman out that he wasn’t attracted to, and yet women are expected to be all open to men to whom we are not attracted.
    and I’m not just talking about no attraction being there.
    I’m talking about really nice guys who really make me feel icky and turned off, and who I’ve already gotten to know as friends who randomly ask me out after like four years or something.
    I feel like I’m going to be judged for writing this.
    I feel hopeful for balance.
    I love average-looking men.
    I love nice men.
    I love brave men who take the risk to ask me out, and win me over.
    I forgive myself for treating men badly, because I honestly didn’t know any better.
    They have forgiven me too, and I love them for that.
    I feel okay…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:56am

  12. 12: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I hate him for all the ways he doesn’t see me or ‘get’ me.

    These are mostly very subtle and personal.
    For example, at mealtimes I really appreciate a plate with a modest amount of food on it. I don’t like a plate piled high, I find it icky and off-putting.

    So many times, he puts a huge plate of food in front of me.
    Okay, so he is generous and wants to feed me, but I like to feel delicate and refined.

    These quirks of mine he calls ‘rules’.
    He says he can’t be expected to remember all my rules.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:56am

  13. 13: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i want to learn how to build chemistry!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:58am

  14. 14: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – If you have not checked out Abraham Hicks The Vortex and the Law of Attraction, you should google it and watch some of the youtube videos. I have found the answer to every situation I have been faced with by spending time watching those video clips and reflecting on what I learn about myself. Worth a try!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:59am

  15. 15: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    SeenmecryCD showed up on my FB, and I don’t know why, I hardly ever go to his page.

    Then, I had all of these over-whelming thoughts and feelings about him, that came out of no where, that I didn’t conjure up myself.

    Then, we were out at the same place last night, and he ignored me. I felt really icky and sad about that…

    I wish we could still be friends somehow, but I know it would probably be torture for me, knowing he has a girlfriend.

    I wonder what’s going on…

    I feel stupid…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:59am

  16. 16: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    CURVY SIREN YOU SAID IT!

    “It takes a genuine state of curiosity and a burning desire to understand your partner.”

    I want that from him. I don’t feel it. So now I f**cking hate him AND I hate myself for feeling stuck in this uncherished place.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:03am

  17. 17: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    My last 3 posts on last blog:

    Radlove good to see you had some FUN!!! Howdy to you too. :D

    Less seriousness, more fun, fun, fun all round I say. :D

    {{{ RN Amazingme }}}

    Was this old flame CD?

    Me neither Sirensong, never ever again will I try and “buy” a man’s affection.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:09am

  18. 18: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose WM is the good boy right?

    And you are attracted to man in the woods who is the “bad” boy right?

    Does WM ever show you his bad boy side?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:11am

  19. 19: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I want to feel that my delicate personal subtleties are cherished, and not dismissed as rules that he can’t remember.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:13am

  20. 20: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    gah. just saw guy who is mad at me. i didn’t even really look at him. i feel like i just got off a rollercoaster.

    he sent me a text saying that my CDing ‘ruined his nerves’ and that i’m the only woman he loves and maybe some day we will work it out, but he can’t take the stress of being upset about other men being in the picture.

    i feel so sad. again.

    i wish i never had to see him again.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:15am

  21. 21: lkNo Gravatar says:

    april rose, i feel curious if you imagine it would be helpful to Become that Burning Curious about your man ? like…. the food piled high thing ? ……. maybe that is closely tied to his Idea of being a Provider For You & he really wants to Show Abundance ? i want abundance & i like it & it feels good to me…. though i hear you, & i like economy & i want economy & economy feels good to me as well…. i’m imagining you saying….. oooh baby, wow…. that looks so amazing & such a full plate makes me feel like a queen… wow, beautiful…. thank you…. wow, actually i feel overwhelmed starting to eat this plate….. wow this feels like so much food to me, i feel nervous i won’t even make a dent ! …. wow, delicious…. yes, i cannot even come close to finishing this big plate of food… wow ! thank you! amazing, that’s so sweet baby….

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:17am

  22. 22: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Do I have to teach him how to cherish my feelings?

    If he has no capability or interest in doing so after three years, no amount of his ‘love’ can fill that longing in my soul.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:17am

  23. 23: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Yes, it is sort of like that.
    WM is kind of ‘pure’ in soul. And obvious, unmysterious.
    EM feels like my shadow side, the dark enchanting side of me. He gets my subtleties. I feel so happy to be seen.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:23am

  24. 24: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I just emailed a guy on Match. He sort of looks like GM and he lives in the same town as him . . . lol – why do I do this to myself? He even works in law enforcement – GM is in a related field – they probably know each other. Ugh

    I have not heard a peep out of GM since we got back from the beach – I have not contacted him either. It feels sort of strange, but I’m ok with it so far…

    I’m an addict and he is herion . . .

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:26am

  25. 25: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I am loving this article pure genius!! Bravo I mean that hit the nail on the head! Thank u…@17SM it was an old flame I have a few..lol

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:27am

  26. 26: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    AR,

    I don’t think you have to “teach” him, but you have to UNDERSTAND each other. I love what lk wrote. If you express your feelings about those subtleties not being honored or noticed…. and that UNDERSTANDING will shift his behavior if he knows how important it is to you. Resentment is always due to one of four things… lack of sufficient, pertinent Information, misunderstanding, false assumptions, jumping to false conclusions.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:28am

  27. 27: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose

    Have you watched the Tony Robbins intervention video where he works with that Manchester guy and encourages him to bring out his bad boy side?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:28am

  28. 28: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    lk,
    Are you that Burning Curious about your man? What is your experience of that, please?

    Yes I could be more grateful and lyrical about the food.

    I guess I’m more resentful about the things he doesn’t do, or overlooks. The food thing was actually a ‘doing’, but a consistent overlooking of my desire for delicacy.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:29am

  29. 29: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #25 RN Amazing

    I was curious if it was that crack fix guy you talked with Brenda about a while ago………just call me nosey parker. :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:31am

  30. 30: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Umm, hello Sirens.

    Long time no see and I have been reading when I can.

    Today I am feeling grumpy and just generally gloomy.

    I don’t really know why.

    The weather here is awful and grey and cold and has been for a while. I miss the sunshine.

    Have been wondering about some kind of vitamin D supplement. I don’t know much about this…

    Also my diet has not been ideal recently.

    I know good nutrition helps me feel good and yet sometimes it falls by the wayside.

    It will feel good to get that side of things working a bit better again.

    Plus I have noticed I sometimes feel a bit ‘blank’ in my relationship when there is no drama going on…
    I am working on just embracing the quiet times and appreciating what I have… and sitting with the ‘blank’ feeling.

    At work that guy who I was having issues with was off for a week and it was bliss and all the issues went away.

    But today he was back.

    And he had passed his driving test.

    Tbh I was not pleased to see him. Although most of the time he is just fine with me I now feel resentful towards him.

    I knew everyone was congratulating him on passing his test.

    And I felt weird, cus I don’t really like him or particularly want to talk to him.

    Well, I feel confused.

    I don’t dislike him. I just feel angry and resentful because of his past behaviour towards me.

    So anyway I wasn’t sure whether to congratulate him.

    And I thought no cus it felt inauthentic.

    And he kept kinda looking at me expectantly. And I didn’t say anything.

    And then at one point he came up to me and said hi and how was I…

    So at that point I said I was fine.

    And then I did say well done.

    And he said he was waiting for me to say that.

    And then he joked about something with me.

    But I feel weird that I said well done. It felt inauthentic, when really I feel angry and icky around him.

    And I totally feel like I should just ‘get over it’ and yet I feel how I feel.

    And especially when I see programmes on TV about chef’s and how they speak to the waiters, and that is a lot worse!

    So anyway have just been feeling kinda weird about that too.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:31am

  31. 31: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso, GM is your crack fix aka CF as per Starla I believe it was who came up with this analogy.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:32am

  32. 32: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    No, Silver Moonbeam, I haven’t seen that.
    Do you have a link for it?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:35am

  33. 33: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #30 Ella

    If you are suffering from a lack of sunshine or daylight you can buy special lights, the specially made light boxes are pretty expensive but you can buy light bulbs for about £8.00. The brightness in the light they give off is amazing, it could help who knows when the blue skies are coming back. :(

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:36am

  34. 34: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh, this article makes me feel ashamed of myself:(
    I wish I had my love back
    Lame.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:37am

  35. 35: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    (((siren song)))

    I feel so curious. Did this man ever show any urge to fight off his competition and claim you as his woman? Did he know that you would drop the other guys once you had the commitment you wanted from the man you wanted?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:38am

  36. 36: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    And also have been feeling a bit jealous and weird about the relationship MWC has with a female co-worker.

    And I get like that sometimes…

    Jealous feeling.

    This particular colleague is another chef.

    And I know that there is a bit of history there… but I also believe he is for me… and I come first, and that there is nothing there since he’s been with me.

    And I think he wants to protect mine and his relationship.

    I know he loves me.

    And sometimes I still feel jealous.

    She is quite a moody person.

    Quite grumpy.

    And isn’t afraid to show it… or can’t help showing it.

    And I suppose I wish I was that fearless in showing my moody side.

    I do say when I am feeling grumpy these days, but generally I am known as a ‘nice person’ and this label kinda bothers me sometimes.

    We can’t be grumpy front of house anyway.

    And I don’t want strained relationships.

    But sometimes I wish I could just be moody and horrid without being frightened of what people think.

    And not have this urge to make nice all the time.

    I wish I could speak the truth to that guy at work.

    But all the time he is being nice I don’t really know what to say.

    Urgh, I feel stuck with this.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:39am

  37. 37: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #32 April Rose

    http://www.robbinsmadanestraining.com/neilview1.html

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:40am

  38. 38: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Well ladies I have joined YET another dating site yesterday lol, this one is free, OK Cupid, so a few men have contacted me since then. I have replied to the decent ones, not necessarily my “type” but am prepared to give this thing a whirl unless they are a total turn off, like one man today said he is 59 looks more like 79 and a funeral director or a murderer or something grim with a really miserable hang dog expression, white hair and yellow jaundiced eyes, I may be lonely but I am not desperate!!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:45am

  39. 39: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    This is a mind-bender!
    I’m just about to send a text to say why I’m not sending a text (I’m leaning forward to give my case for leaning back!)
    It’s a text to EM, who asked ME to text HIM so we could arrange our next date.

    “I’m sorry I haven’t texted. It just feels weird to get in touch with you first. It makes me feel unfeminine in a way. I’m so old-fashioned!”

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:46am

  40. 40: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    And the female chef has depression.

    And I quite like her.

    And I did ask MWC at one point about whether we could invite her round for some dinner to cheer her up.

    But he didn’t want to and he is kind of weird about it.

    And the other day she sent him a text about work and I saw it when he read it sitting next to me… and she put 5 kisses on it.

    I told him I felt weird seeing that many kisses on a text from another female.

    And he didn’t say much but just reassured me how in love with me he is.

    But I feel funny that he is so weird about her… kinda cagy.

    And I don’t think anything is going on… but it just feels uncomfortable.

    And I feel jealous of them, and it sounds weird, because they share smoking breaks, and I don’t smoke, so obviously I don’t share that with him.

    But I feel weird when I hear him ask her, and her ask him, whether they want to go for a cigarette break.

    Urgh.

    I hate this green eyed monster!

    No, no. gotta love the monster too right?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:48am

  41. 41: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    And yeah.

    Just not feeling 100% good in me atm.

    And so not feeling very ‘shiny’. And get affected by other stuff more.

    And, I know the only way forward is to work on me and my ‘shine’ and not get sidetracked by these jealous, weird feelings, and this small stuff!

    Sigh.

    I don’t know.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:51am

  42. 42: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam – I love that! he is totally my CF . . . thinking silly little things like that really helps me keep leaning back – I’ll just call myself a crack whore next time I think about contacting him and giggle . . .

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:51am

  43. 43: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh – I went into moderation for using the word “wh0r” . . .

    Let me try again:

    Silver Moonbeam – I love that! he is totally my CF . . . thinking silly little things like that really helps me keep leaning back – I’ll just call myself a crack wh0r next time I think about contacting him and giggle . . .

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:52am

  44. 44: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From Previous thread

    April Rose thanks. That is a good lesson for me. I will start paying attention in my life to see if my “I am” statements cause people to become defensive because they feel criticized.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:53am

  45. 45: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    But yeah,

    Any advice about how to be around my nemisis guy at work… and how to be without either being totally rude and inflaming the situation, and also without going the other way and overfunctioning being insincere and over-functioning.

    I don’t know I just feel so ‘stiff’ when he is around sometimes.

    And that feels icky.

    And yet being pally and joking with him doesn’t feel right either.

    Maybe I could try something like ‘I just don’t feel relaxed around you anymore since you were rude to me before and it bothers me’/

    Oh I don’t know.

    Wish I could let it go but I can’t force it.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:55am

  46. 46: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose maybe you should wait? Also is it that it feels or does it feel unromantic?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:56am

  47. 47: lkNo Gravatar says:

    hi, April Rose !

    hmmm…… i do want to be that Burning Curious about my Man…. i want understanding – i want to feel understanding & I want to feel understood.

    i hear you saying that your Man “doesn’t” and “can’t” give you what you Need….. i feel curious if you Believe that ?

    also, it is not “his responsibility” to make you feel Accepted or Cherished – although that is what i want in My Relationship – but taking Total Responsibility for your situation, for your feelings, for your happiness…..then it becomes easier to Express your feelings in a way that’s just “Hey i’m feeling mad mad mad” & just pout & sit with it & then pet the dog, make some tea….. & he is Invited to Help – but No Pressure, No Expectations, No Requirements, No Rules

    & if he does do what you want, you can gush like old faithful LOL

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:56am

  48. 48: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    feels weird or unromantic

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:59am

  49. 49: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am wondering, Feminewoman, about your intention in such statements?
    It could be simply that you are sharing where you’re at, or hinting at a similar solution for the other person.

    I often feel like when I have made a discovery, that everyone else should follow suit!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:59am

  50. 50: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    april rose,

    yeah, he kept stepping up for a long time. he started to rennovate his house so i could move in and we agreed to set a date to marry…he calls me ‘his family’ and ‘the only woman in his life’. but then he started to get SUPER ANGRY and couldn’t get over the other guys in the picture. it’s like the better things were going the weirder he got. he took me CDing really personally. I really just wanted a date and a ring so i could plan to sell my condo and move forward.

    he has also had some significant health problems (almost lost his arm to an infection in march) and has some problems at work.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:02am

  51. 51: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella that sounds blamey and making him wrong. This is such a great opportunity to practice opening up, writing scripts, speaking your truth, sharing feeling messages, setting boundaries.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:02am

  52. 52: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Revised text
    “sorry I haven’t texted. Getting in touch with you first makes me feel unfeminine and I don’t like that feeling! I’m just an old-fashioned girl at heart!”

    I’m too scared to write ‘unromantic’, although it is true.
    We have to be just friends. Passionate, romantic friends.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:04am

  53. 53: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    siren song please forgive me if I am wrong but for some reason they I got a sense that there might be some rescuring going on there on both sides. What do you think?

    Have you ever considered if you loved him just the way he is?
    Would you like your children to come out just like him?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:05am

  54. 54: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ella, i do think you can say,

    “aww i feel weird & stiff when you make jokes around me…..it feels so weird, too, because i think of myself as a Fun, Vibrant woman who loves to enjoy the people around her…. i just notice my defenses go up a little around you….. i’m still feeling a bit weird about some of the things you said to me earlier that felt so bad to hear…. & i do want to enjoy you & feel comfortable around you… what do you think ? “

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:06am

  55. 55: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Song,

    Why were there other guys still in the picture once you had set a wedding date???????

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:06am

  56. 56: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I sure would like to stop thinking about CF and how we could get back together.

    Alaska wants me to go to lunch today. I feel uncomfortable about his attention because I have very little to give back in terms of interest or affections right now.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:07am

  57. 57: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    What about I am just an old fashioned girl at heart, it feels unfeminine like going against my nature when I initiate contact.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:08am

  58. 58: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    there weren’t other guys in the picture. i let my other CDs go.

    then he started getting super-angry and stopped moving forward.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:09am

  59. 59: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I am attracted to bad boys. I feel they are more exciting and dangerous.

    I am not attracted to good boys. I feel they are boring and predictable.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:09am

  60. 60: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla so just don’t give back, accept that the waterwheel is turned towards you. Selfishness can serve a purpose.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:09am

  61. 61: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    on the bright side, i did wake up feeling a little better than yesterday.

    on the less bright side, Thursday really IS my rough day.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:10am

  62. 62: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “sorry for not texting. I am just an old-fashioned girl at heart and it feels unfeminine, like going against my nature, when I call or text you first”

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:11am

  63. 63: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Ella

    Sorry but I have no advise to offer you, as you know I had problems with my young colleagues at my last job and I had no option but to leave as they just ignored my dialogue with them. :(

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:11am

  64. 64: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    do you mean rescuing? i don’t think so.

    i guess i don’t love him as he is, totally. i’d like him to step up, be less angry and be able to cope better. so i guess i don’t accept him 100%. i don’t know.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:14am

  65. 65: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I know it is a good opportunity to practice opening up and using scripts.

    And it just feels so hard with him.

    I feel totally stuck.

    Like I lose my voice and tense up around him.

    Esp as usually there are several other people including MWC present whenever we interact.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:15am

  66. 66: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for my slowness, Siren Song.

    You say you let the other guys go. And THEN he got angry about the other guys? When they were no longer in the picture?

    Did he need their competition to keep things moving forward, I wonder?

    Sorry if I’m still not getting it!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:16am

  67. 67: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    and we hadn’t set a date, but a timeframe for a date.

    and i had no ring.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:16am

  68. 68: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @44((((Ella)))) – I feel so connected to you, with everything you’ve written.

    I wouldn’t call the guy out on being rude to you. Instead, I would say “I felt weird/sad/angry when you did or said that that one time…”

    Remember, don’t blame anyone else for your feelings.

    I’m still working on this myself…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:16am

  69. 69: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    siren song why would you want a relationship with him?

    Do you see yourself together with him 20 years later? How does that feel?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:17am

  70. 70: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘I sometimes feel a bit weird and tense around you. And its because I still feel a bit weird about some of the stuff you said to me in the past. And I want to let it go and I just notice that it still bothers me and I feel tense when we are joking about stuff’.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:19am

  71. 71: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    april rose,

    good point.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:19am

  72. 72: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella about the coworker I am wondering if it is about the power of her emotions that draws him in? Is it possible you could learn something from her?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:20am

  73. 73: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam, is this true?

    “I am attracted to bad boys. I feel they are more exciting and dangerous.

    I am not attracted to good boys. I feel they are boring and predictable.”

    Imagine a good boy with an ‘edge’. Now wouldn’t that feel exciting?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:21am

  74. 74: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, oh, oh, this article is me! I do it all the time, and I can’t seem to stop! Can you say “SCARED TO DEATH”?

    That’s me. I will stay safe in my lonely walls. God, please heal this. I want to be open. I mean to be open. Because I keep hopin’.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:21am

  75. 75: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella could uneasy or criticized be used instead of one of your “weird” or shaky in my stomach

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:21am

  76. 76: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘I felt so weird and upset when you said some stuff to me in the past, and now it feels difficult for me to relax. I still feel tense’

    ??

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:22am

  77. 77: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Do you fear being made fun of or teased? How much did this happen as a child?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:23am

  78. 78: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    when he is stepping up, i feel totally taken care of and so attracted to him. i’ve never felt that way with anyone else before.

    but the other side of the coin with him feels very bad.

    i am just processing that it’s over i guess.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:23am

  79. 79: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    It doesn’t help because one time when he was rude I responded by saying ‘ow, that feels bad’ and he cut in and said he didn’t give a f8ck about my feelings.

    That kinda stuck with me and so I feel tense opening up with feelings again.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:24am

  80. 80: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    april rose,

    yeah, this was after he asked me to move in and we had the marriage discussion. he’d blow up at me and speak to me with a lot of anger. i had to walk away a lot because it was really intense.

    he told me he was ‘haunted’ by the thought of me with other guys and that his ‘nerves were shot’ because he never knew what i was up to when we weren’t together.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:26am

  81. 81: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    ‘Exciting’ and ‘Dangerous’ both relate to the man, and not to your own feelings. How do you feel about YOU in the presence of exciting or dangerous men?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:26am

  82. 82: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Currently doing some FB CD-ing and text and practice CD-ing in the outside world, to lift my vibe.

    Not accepting any real dates atm though.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:27am

  83. 83: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want Alaska. He likes cats way too much and takes xanax and colonopin (spelling?) for anxiety as needed.

    I don’t want this.

    :(

    I feel lonely and sick to my stomach.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:29am

  84. 84: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    he also once complained that i ‘didn’t do much’ in the relationship. i felt pretty bad about that.

    i don’t want to deal with that in 20 years.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:29am

  85. 85: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    okay, siren song, now I get it.

    I’m assuming you were open/honest about the other CD’s while you were seeing them. Then you told him you’d dropped them. He didn’t believe you? He was aggressively untrusting (jealous/insecure).

    But not whilst you were openly dating others. Hmmm.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:29am

  86. 86: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,
    You just gave me a belly laugh. Nice one
    “he likes cats way too much”

    Hahaaa. Brilliant!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:32am

  87. 87: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW re 72

    Owww. I feel so prickly and defensive hearing about him being drawn in…

    I am not sure that is the case.

    Feels very uncomfortable to hear that.

    But yes, I am sure that is where the learning is here for me.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:34am

  88. 88: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    yeah, i was honest. i mostly had coffee with guys and a couple of dinners. and hung out with my friends a lot more than i would have otherwise.

    i told him i would stop being open to others when we had a date and a plan to move forward. and i told him i was not interested in seeing other men anymore once we were committed. then he started getting really weird.

    it turns out he was pretty jealous the whole time. he told me last week that he once sat outside of my house waiting for me at 3 am to catch me with another man.

    that feels so gross to think about.

    i feel much better about this breakup now that i recall that fact. i feel sick thinking about that.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:37am

  89. 89: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lama

    Re 68

    Yes.

    Thank You :-)

    It feels good to feel connected.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:38am

  90. 90: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    siren song I would look up Rori;s old article about anger and try to find a way to facilitate him putting his anger on the table without you feeling attacked?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:39am

  91. 91: Memulo says:

    OMG I feel really forgotten. I don’t feel important anymore.. did he really meet someone else?

    if I am lucky he’s just busy with his fight. But he misses all the times when he normally called me, one after another. Is this happening just a week before I can go back home?? I feel awful

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:40am

  92. 92: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @30 Ella – “Plus I have noticed I sometimes feel a bit ‘blank’ in my relationship when there is no drama going on…
    I am working on just embracing the quiet times and appreciating what I have… and sitting with the ‘blank’ feeling.”

    I feel so curious about this, as I have felt the same way. I’ve read self-help books that talk about how if we are used to constant ups and downs in relationships with our families, friends, or partners (which are usually unhealthy), that the normal feelings of steadiness can feel incredibly uncomfortable to people who are not used to stability. I feel happy that you are working on embracing those times. Feeling the gentleness of them…

    “Peace” can feel boring. I have felt bored with Jack CD, but as I sank into those feelings of “boredness,” I realized that they actually felt refreshing.

    In those quiet moments, I didn’t feel panicked about what to do or say or how to process the overwhelming chaos going on inside me. I just felt peace. and I wasn’t used to feeling peace. So the little girl inside me that was used to chaos felt uncomfortable and “bored” with the stillness.

    but she’s slowly starting to feel safe. a delicous safety, that feels really reassuring…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:41am

  93. 93: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘I sometimes feel a bit uneasy around you. And its because I still feel a bit weird about some of the stuff you said to me in the past. And I want to let it go and the truth is it still bothers me and I feel tense when we start joking about stuff’.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:41am

  94. 94: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    lama,

    “Peace” can feel boring. I have felt bored with Jack CD, but as I sank into those feelings of “boredness,” I realized that they actually felt refreshing.

    this feels nice to read.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:44am

  95. 95: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Starla}}},

    RE: #83 – One thing that helps me when I feel lonelly, sad, and obsessing over R is to put my mind and heart in the future, ten years from now. I visualize my life with my own family together in a nice house. I imagine how happy i will be with my man, who is mine for keeps forever!

    And then I stand there daydreaming in my future life, recalling this sad and lonely time, and how glad I was that it turned out the way it did. Because then, ten years from now, this time for us will feel like only a bump in the road that led us to our Happy Ever After!

    Here is a song that resonates with my heart:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZp6pmgbZyU&feature=colike

    God Bless the Broken Road

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:46am

  96. 96: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really embarassed and almost scared to ask this, but it would feel good to get some input about my comment #15.

    when I say he ignored me, I mean that he practically RAN right past me, and sat down in front of me without stopping to say hi, or turn around and look at me, or acknowledge me in any way, which is VERY unlike him. He is normally very excited to see me, friendly, and conversational.

    I just feel weird about it, and wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to make both of us feel more comfortable…?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:49am

  97. 97: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ella, i think i would take out the “it’s because” ….. just…. i normally feel Muddy or Confused on Why I Feel This Way….. like, maybe it is what is going on now… maybe old…. so i’d feel better just saying, “i feel bad remembering some of the things you said to me…” maybe you could say too “i hear you that you are Just Joking… but it feels bad to me & i don’t want to feel that way while i’m working”

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:51am

  98. 98: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @94 siren song – awww, thanks siren song. that feels good.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:53am

  99. 99: RavenquileNo Gravatar says:

    It looks like you have all moved here, so I am reposting what I said on the last one.

    Daria,

    In #684, you made some really good points. I will certainly give this some further thought and consideration. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

    LoveAlways,

    760 I read some of the entries here on the blog and I guess I took my mental debate to the blog, just airing my thoughts, I suppose.

    Starla,

    696, You think I sound like a rockstar, huh? That makes me smile! Thanks for your comment! I admit, I am a pretty opinionated woman who knows what she likes and doesn’t like.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:54am

  100. 100: lkNo Gravatar says:

    april rose, i do feel curious about your situation…

    i feel a little said not getting a response after i tried to answer the question you directed to me…. & i feel curious if maybe the way i wrote felt off-putting to you ? thank you…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:54am

  101. 101: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @100 lk – I know this comment wasn’t directed towards me, but your communication skills are amazing, and I feel good to try to emulate them. Thank you, lk! :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:58am

  102. 102: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    april rose @81,

    regarding ‘bad boys’

    “Exciting’ and ‘Dangerous’ both relate to the man, and not to your own feelings. How do you feel about YOU in the presence of exciting or dangerous men?”

    this is a brilliant question! wow

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:59am

  103. 103: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm,

    Noticing that I am judging myself.

    And thinking that I ‘should’ have moved on past this.
    And let it go. And that I feel icky not being ‘cool’ about this.

    And I feel so afraid of bringing it up now.. and being judged for it still being an issue for me.

    And I feel so vulnerable about this.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:02am

  104. 104: lkNo Gravatar says:

    memulo, i wonder why you hear this story in your head

    “did he really meet someone else?

    “if I am lucky he’s just busy with his fight.”

    i feel confused about this…. if i were a Man (big stretch of the Imagination lol…) i would absolutely not be out pursuing women the week of my custody battle & i wouldn’t care much about keeping a woman i had “just met” (i’m a man here, ok ?) up-to-date on every minute argument. he won’t know anything to tell you until the end, right ? & this part is just brutal re-hashing & the Bloody Death of his relationship with his Ex. sounds terrible & i would feel lucky for not hearing “all the details” lol…. & actually, didn’t you request early on when you started dating him that he not talk to you very much about his Ex ? so that could be part of it. he could be respecting Your Boundaries while he takes care of his business. : )) maybe you can choose to feel calm about it & decide, of course he wants you & misses you & is thinking of you & planning things for you : )))

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:04am

  105. 105: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #73 April Rose

    Yes you are right, a good boy with an edge would be SO MUCH better for me than a bad boy, bad boys are no good at the end of the day……………….

    I need to heal this.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:06am

  106. 106: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((ella))) i’m certainly not feeling judgmental toward you & i feel good & inspired that you value yourself & your own comfort enough to create your own good-feeling space in your place of employment : )

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:07am

  107. 107: lkNo Gravatar says:

    awww & thank you, iamabutterfly : )))))) that feels so nice to read : ))) i feel hugged : )

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:08am

  108. 108: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #81 April Rose

    I feel ALIVE and filled with drama and I like the adrenalin rush of not knowing what will happen next.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:10am

  109. 109: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel totally turned on by bad boys………….

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:11am

  110. 110: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ravenquile, yeah, i totally ‘get’ what you’re saying. And I am an avid student of Rori’s leaning back. I’m trying to find my own way here, and not prescribe to anything in particular unless it feels totally right in my heart.

    However, this takes a lot of slowing down. Sometimes we lean forward and “go get” our guys that we want, but it comes out of a place of fear and unworthiness. I’ve never had a fulfilling relationship where I was in this energy, because it was out of my fear and unworthiness feelings. Now that I’ve spent so much time focusing on the “Rori Raye Way,” I know myself so much better, so anything I do outside of her guidelines will hopefully just be me being a rock star!

    But then again, Rori does say that as long as you’re in rock star mode, and not from a place of fear or unworthiness (and sometimes you have to really get honest with yourself about it.. sometimes we totally kid ourselves!), then you can do whatever you like:)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:15am

  111. 111: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    lk re 106

    Awww, thanks.

    And also I love your pic!

    :-)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:20am

  112. 112: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Ella}}},

    That hug is just for you, because you are you and you are feeling a little blue.

    Please excuse me for not knowing the full history with this chef…I don’t have time to fully keep up on the blog, altho i try. Who is he to you, besides a coworker?

    If he were someone I didn’t want in my life, other than what work absolutely necessitated, because he is clearly quite toxic, I would just be silent when he asked me questions non work related. It is not rude. It is just a way of letting someone know you don’t want to relate to them. Or the feeling message you said is good too. But if you anticipate pain if you share your feelings, that’s why just silence gives a strong message.

    And for toxic people, they don’t need to have access to our delicate, beautiful hearts.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:27am

  113. 113: Memulo says:

    FW #6,

    I don’t know, I always give closure to guys. I think it is a matter of choice. If they don’t give it to me, I won’t ask for it, but my choice is to do it and not just disappear.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:28am

  114. 114: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Moonbeam,

    108 – I used to, but I learned the hard way that adventure ISN’T always fun! :-)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:30am

  115. 115: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel anxious about #15 and #96…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:30am

  116. 116: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    lk,
    sweet baby, it’s taking me time to digest what you wrote me.
    Your question to me isn’t an easy one – do I believe my man can’t/won’t give me what I need? I have so many different Styles of answer for this!

    I hear you say if I take more responsibility for my own Self-cherishing, then I can communicate my feelings more gently. I would like this. yet still I believe my man is inept somehow. Maybe this only serves to make me feel better than him. Ouch.

    I like the idea of inviting him to help. Instead of demanding it. Leave him some room to step in towards me…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:32am

  117. 117: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly it struck me as immature behavior. If that is where a man is he has to see that for himself.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:33am

  118. 118: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ella,

    I used to work at a restaurant. One night the cooks were swearing and talking ludely about women. I put my head down and blushed.

    One of the cooks noticed, apologizing. I was quite young and naive at the time, and I said, “it’s ok. I’m used to it.’

    He said, “No, it isn’t ok. You shouldn’t have to get used to it. WE should get used to not talking like that around YOU.”

    That always stuck in my head, and I don’t want to relate to a man who doesn’t care about my feelings.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:33am

  119. 119: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @117 Thanks, FW. I just don’t understand the timing of it? I would understand it more if it had happened earilier on, like a month ago, because it would have just made more sense? Like, oh, he’s feeling uncomfortable around me because we went out and now he has a girlfriend? but a month later? that feels so weird to me…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:35am

  120. 120: Memulo says:

    lk,

    Thank you;) This week is not any different from other weeks.. it’s not like it’s The Week of his custody battle. Unless something happened and something always happens because the Ex is very resourceful lol in terms of accusing him of various things randomly.

    He did share stuff with me on Monday.. that for the first time he was able to request more hours with the child and his request was not declined before he even made it (by the parent coordinator). So maybe you are right, he is fighting for something. I don’t know, it’s just day 3 since Monday ;(

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:40am

  121. 121: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April rose – that fed awful… From what I got about you and this guy… You are being neglected. And you are not communicating effectively about it

    In the moment is a good time: the plate shows up…

    W: Wow… I feel a bit mad! (notice all feeling messages)

    M; why honey??

    W: appreciate being served and I don’t feel good gettin this much food

    M: well that’s fine honey lets take some off… Hehe ur rules huh I can’t keep em straight

    W: ouch! Actually that feels awful. I feel awfully sad.

    M: why honey??

    W: I feel really sad and angry that my preferences aren’t going to be remembered. I feel unimportant.

    M: you are important honey! It’s just too much for any one person to handle

    W: that feels really bad. I feel angry. I dont want to have my preferences not remembered respected and honored. I feel like I’m not seen and honored. What do you think?

    M: ….

    *****

    Speaking up like this, over and over sometimes have to, has been shifting entrenched patterns in my family…

    It can feel draining and hopeless a d defeating before even starting… And it felt exciting when it magically worked!

    The program for you is get is Toxic Men.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:40am

  122. 122: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t expect to understand Iamabutterfly. As CCarter says “men don’t make sense”. He behaved based on how he was feeling at the time. It is not necessarily logical

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:42am

  123. 123: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Lama – Are you sure he saw you? Were you with someone who might have made him feel uncomfortable? There is no telling what went on in his head and we are not supposed to try to get in there . . . you just be the lovely creature that you are and stop giving so much of your energy to this man.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:42am

  124. 124: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April rose – exactly! We are here learning to teach/train men to cherish our feelings!

    We go by cherishing them first.,, speaking them out non judgementally… And having boundaries!

    You can do it! And 3 years is a drop in a bucket…. You can do turn this around and get the affection you want!

    I really would write Rori or sign up for the next teleclass… And just practice feeling messages Everywhere.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:46am

  125. 125: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    You women are just all so beautiful and uniquely wise <3

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:48am

  126. 126: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @123 Calypso – actually, now that you mention it, I was with someone that I could actually see making him uncomfortable. She’s younger, naive, and can be annoying! and she tends to throw herself at men! I could totally see him avoiding her. Actually, I’ve seen lots of guys avoid her, bless her heart. I feel relieved. Thank you!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:51am

  127. 127: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs to you lamabutterfly!!! All is well ~

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:53am

  128. 128: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    15, 96, 115 – I feel your pain, and at least a hello, how are you would feel far better. I didn’t respond before cuz I don’t really know.

    What comes to mind is what Daria told me yesterday about masculine and feminine, that in the old days it was the man to come courting the woman, to ride up in his horse and carriage. By not talking to you, in effect, isn’t he choosing to not ride up to your house?

    He has a right to not relate to you at all. In a case like yours, girlfriend or no girlfriend in the picture, I would be inclined to say, “That feels bad being treated like I am invisible. I may not be your woman, but I am a human being who appreciates being treated with basic human courtesy.”

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:55am

  129. 129: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Sirens}}},

    Starla’s #125 – I second the motion! I love you all! <3

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:01am

  130. 130: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    121 – Thanks, that will help me tremendously with my Mom. MANY MANY of my preferences are completely ignored. After 4 decades, you would think a person would remember a basic preference about food, etc. I will try these FMs.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:06am

  131. 131: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver moonbeam – I feel so annoyed and judgemental! I wonder why???

    I feel so tense in my tummy and down my thigh.

    Oh yeah it feels bad to read put downs of men.

    And… And when I read the I feel that they are – I felt all disconnected .

    Real feeling messages with ferlings instead of brliefs would feel healing.

    I don’t know why it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

    I literally want to shake you and say STOP BULLSHITTING!!!

    I wonder why I want to rush you or myself.

    It feels painful to read all the time about being ‘stuck and unhappy’

    Reminds me of my mom

    It feels disconnecting. I feel angry!

    I love my feelings…. Breathing

    I feel do confused and helpless powerless!

    I don’t want to feel this way. Pulled in my tummy.

    I feel mad!

    Soooo mad!

    It’d feel great to see people taking good care of themselves and using the help available And healing!

    I feel so unconfy in mu tummy

    How can I shift myself to communicate openly And shift my perception to what I want.

    I feel do sad seeing you Daria there in your self imposed glass tower prison.

    I am sitting e these feelings and now crying.

    I feel do lonely scared and sad

    I am the anchor

    Ok I felt them

    I am the invitation

    Sigh of relief

    Depression feels fun to explore but I know joy feels funner!!! And will attract all by itself!

    Whew!

    ….

    Now I feel scared and closed off towards SMB. I had some judgements in there and when that happens I feel tense and closed off. I don’t want to feel that way. I want to communicate openly and no judgementally. A part of me is convinced the judgements heal just like feelings. I want to shift that belief and heal.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:13am

  132. 132: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    So yesterday Rugby Man and I came back from first camping and then taking a road trip, spending a total of 6 days together 24 hours a day!!!! This feels huge to me!

    I felt a little nervous that he was going to need to pull away and have his guy time to rejuvenate…and I was almost expecting it…so I could “prepare” myself.

    Well I opened up to him about some of my past yesterday and I felt icky and vulnerable and thought that he might think less of me…and I expressed that.

    Then I went to school and was feeling really vulnerable and needy and almost like I wanted space just incase he wanted space. Like things were feeling REALLY intimate.

    Then he text me at school to come over to his friends where he was. I felt irritated about it. I just replied that I wanted to go home and I felt tired.

    Then he replied “ok baby, let me know when you are home and I will meet you there”

    I WANTED to say “it’s ok do your thing” or “I don’t mind if you hang out with your friends” or SOMETHING about telling him it’s “OK” BUT I DIDNT!!!!!!!! yay me!!!!

    It felt really good to trust that he is a man and he can make his own decisions and I don’t need to tell him it’s ok or not ok…

    Anyway…he said he actually felt happy that I just wanted to come home and he wanted to just come to my house. (So it was ALL in my head about how he wanted to be with his friends and I should let him know it’s ok) So while I was at school thinking he needed space, he was feeling lovey dovey that I opened up to him….go figure!!!

    Then he said he loved me and was happy I opened up to him today and that he loves me just as much. Then we snuggled and kissed and “stuff” ;) on a scale of 1 -10 it’s a 10!!!!!

    I feel sooooo close with him….even closer at the end of 6 days together. WOW!!!!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:14am

  133. 133: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ella,

    Vitamin D – Last fall I had a blood test and I was deficient on Vitamin D. My doctor subscribed a mega dose of it, once a week for three months. I would err on the side of caution and take some or else go to your doctor for a checkup.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:17am

  134. 134: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    almost everyone is deficient in vitamin D, but I find that when we feel good about what we are eating, then it influences how we feel about ourselves, which influences how we feel about our lives, then we feel happy…and Vitamin D as a supplement may not be that relevant…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:22am

  135. 135: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @128 Radlove – I really like this. Thinking back on it, I don’t think he was intentionally ignoring ME per se, but I’ve definitely had guys intentionally ignore me in the past. If they do again in the future (which I hope they don’t, but who knows…) I just may use that line. Thank you!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:24am

  136. 136: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Rugby Man and I had been doing a lot of driving…so on Tuesday we decided to go on a nice easy jog together…this is a dream come true for me :) I’ve only done this once and that was with hot pilot.

    So we are jogging and the trail became small…so he said “go ahead of me baby”

    My FIRST thought “OH no….he’s going to see me jiggle!!” and then because I’ve been managing my thoughts and emotions…I instantly went to “oh ya….and he’s probably going to love it” lol ….and I kept jogging and I felt like a rockstar!!!

    In the past that thought “he’s going to see me jiggle” would have ruined the run for me…but not anymore!!! :)

    I feel so happy about that and it feels soooooo freeing and liberating!! :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:29am

  137. 137: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria,

    I feel both angles of what you are saying.

    Yes, I do feel neglected by him. He has a terrible memory. It translates to me as him not caring to remember my preferences.

    I also feel encouraged by your confidence that I can turn this around.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:29am

  138. 138: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @83 Starla – I don’t think you are at an emotionally healthy enough place to say for sure that you don’t want Alaska. I hate cats, so I can appreciate why his love of cats might irk you.

    But Jack CD has struggled with anxiety. I think it has made him an incredibly compassionate person. I can tell he has really worked on himself, specifically because he knows he has struggles and isn’t perfect.

    I’d rather have someone like him any day, then someone who thinks he’s already “perfect” and doesn’t take the necessary steps that WE ALL need to take in order to become the best version of ourselves.

    So, I guess what I’m saying is…

    Don’t rule him out.
    Just give yourself time, and if he feels too pushy, just tell him you NEED more time.

    If he’s the right guy, he’ll respond or back off or come back accordingly…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:32am

  139. 139: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    SIlver Moonbeam – Are you maybe addicted to feeling bad, like you ultimately do when around the bad boys?

    Or maybe the deep down knowing that the real deal, a deep love and intimacy will not be had with a bad boy?

    There is definitely such a thing as a good guy who is full of fun and excitement and surprises. K is one.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:33am

  140. 140: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – I feel unclear what your question is in re #15 and 96.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:41am

  141. 141: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly,

    Vitamin D is an important nutrient.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:41am

  142. 142: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I love the talk on the blog today, so real…refreshing. Wierd but I am curious to whomever said it. Your saying a man was sitting in his car at your house just o see you with someone else? If so If this man would have stepped up in the beginning he would have his woman if it was meant to be. So just leaving that out there, you better go get what it is in your life you want yes your woman too.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:42am

  143. 143: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @140 Dominique – I think I figured it out, and no longer feel troubled by it. Thank you!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:56am

  144. 144: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Got this from Bob Grant

    Featured Topic: 3 Dangerous Myths That Can Harm Your Marriage

    With the divorce rate around 50% it’s no surprise many couples want to do everything they can to strengthen their marriage. The problem is many couples believe certain myths about their marriage and spend time trying to correct those very myths.

    Below are 3 of the most popular myths concerning marriage and why they aren’t as true as you have been told.

    1. Your spouse is your best friend. Actually your spouse isn’t supposed to be your best friend – that would be boring. What makes a marriage sizzle is having a partner who has enough in common with you while also possessing other qualities, both frustrating and fascinating. A best friend is someone who is usually similar to you. They aren’t different enough from you to inspire the passion you’ll want in a marriage. Therefore, don’t be surprised if you have more in common with others than with your spouse. This can be a good thing!

    2. Don’t go to bed angry. Sometimes it’s best to resolve a conflict immediately. Yet there are other times when this isn’t possible. Some conflicts take longer to resolve than others and trying to “fix the problem” before you go to bed can often lead to the problem simply being ignored. Instead, promise to finish the discussion the next day and make time for the difficult conversation. It isn’t easy to be with your spouse when they’re angry, which is why couples often try to minimize conflict. Great couples get angry with each other, but they continue to discuss a problem until there is a solution, even if it takes several days.

    3. Don’t fight in front of the kids. To be honest, this is horrible advice. Children who never see their parents “fight” don’t learn how to handle conflict. They tend to avoid disagreements in their own (future) relationships and assume their parents never disagreed. It’s not bad for parents to disagree in front of their children, so long as they do so in a polite and safe manner. This means no threats, name calling, or violence. Handle yourselves like civilized adults and teach your children how to handle disagreements successfully. Children will learn you can love someone while also disagreeing with them. This understanding actually makes them feel more secure.

    Although these myths are well intended, they often cause harm to a couple when they try one of these and it doesn’t work. What is most important in a marriage is simply each partner’s willingness to try to care for their spouse. They may not do it perfectly, but when each person feels the other genuinely cares, the marriage will thrive even when they don’t follow a checklist of things to do.

    Sponsor: Melt Your Man’s Heart

    Your husband can change! Randy Bennet, LMFT has taught thousands of women how to get the response from their husband they have always wanted. Based on the latest sciencetific research Melt Your Man’s Heart will show you how to quickly identify what’s tearing your relationship apart and what you need to do and say to draw your husband like a magnet.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:04pm

  145. 145: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    “Oh no, he’s going to see me jiggle” – Jilly, that made me laugh out loud :-)

    I love how you turned it around. Yay!

    Embracing our jigglies!

    Men Looove our jigglies :-)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:07pm

  146. 146: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    And for toxic people, they don’t need to have access to our delicate, beautiful hearts.
    ‘

    That’s not how it works for me.

    1. People are not toxic as a whole

    2. Sharing my heart and opening is for ME. It’s honoring MYSELF. And doing it in front of everyone and anyone is MY SUPREME HONOR TO MYSELF.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:09pm

  147. 147: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – it will sound better without the You’s if it was me

    I remember feeling awful bein spoken to that way and I feel so glad that hasn’t been happening and I notice I still feel uptight and scared relating. I don’t wana feel that way with you! What do you think?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:11pm

  148. 148: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    If his family was all about fighting and verbal attacking was part of the environment and he was included in the free-for-all – then he’ll get angry and punch back verbally (or physically) – and think that’s normal.

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/relationship-advice-how-your-anger-can-only-make-him-love-you-more/

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:14pm

  149. 149: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    by Dominique

    When something is present within you or rises up asking, begging to be healed, an emotional hurt from someone or something you love, one of your first clues will be a feeling of tension, a tight spot(s), a numb place, a painful knot.

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/heal-your-heart-through-the-love-in-your-body/

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:19pm

  150. 150: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #131 Lil Daria

    Don’t worry I can handle it, I am quite comfy after all in this little prison of my own making. :)

    I feel safe here and I like feeling safe and loved by myself.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:19pm

  151. 151: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dangerous men!

    Ah yes! I’m the goddess among the panthers!

    I feel magical so real and alive feeling surreal . Powerful. Special. Awesome. Unique… Exciting amazing fascinating.

    The woman who can be among tigers. They all love and worship and care for her, they might rip others to shreds.

    Feels so amazing for me to imagine, I feel captivated emthralled fascinated enchanted.

    So powerful wild beasts can connect w my powerful energy heart and wisdom …

    I am that powerful I create connection w anyone, even those deemed dangerous

    Especially them – i don’t judge them and I honor them – and I receive that in return.

    It’s ALL love.

    Even w tigers.

    I’m just brave, and blessed w seeing the love connection and energy in all brings.

    I feel sad to see beings being judged. And I don’t want to do that. I feel better to connect…

    And now I feel sad that I’m being judged like them

    Feared and ppl run away!

    And yet also feel fascinated and awed, amazed.

    I’m actually a happy sharing goddess.

    I feel sad of this separation.

    I want to heal it.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:19pm

  152. 152: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver moonbeam – wow! Cool! That feels conforting.,. It reminds me of modern siren where Rori talks about The cage and how it’s comfy and way less scary than the world out there and it feels good to have it as a spot to hide.

    As a bird in the cage… We just kinda open the door… The crawl out and stand on top of it… Before flying – teleport – to a meadow

    Just flying right out might feel too scary

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:24pm

  153. 153: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #139 Dominique

    Honestly? I don’t know what I feel anymore.

    I have been lately on a blog where they talk about Taken In Hand (TIH) relationships and I can soooo relate to this.

    I am a woman that would be terrible with a submissive man as I am very strong and such a man well I would be tramping him down into the ground lol!!

    I need a man to take ME in hand yet I rail against these TIH relationships as it so goes against everything I THINK I believe.

    I wonder if this is why I am so attracted to the bad boy? The dominant alpha male because I am so strong myself in many ways?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:25pm

  154. 154: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I still feel really mad reading that thinking of my mom! U might be ok in your cage but I’m NOT watching you feel sad so much! Ugh I feel so mad

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:26pm

  155. 155: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I did go to lunch with Alaska… it was friendly… we just sat and talked and walked around. He gives nice hugs.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:26pm

  156. 156: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    You know what I learned over time I hate bad boys maybe too much. I cannot stand the I am so bad image. That is what it is an image of which usually only the man in the mirror even believes. They are weak and have a lots of coping to handle but usually don’t so stats say u will be using drugs alcohol, pills something to compensate. Popular by demand in the music industry, Hollywood, u know those who have money left in these trying times. I also have learned I am ok and HAPPY yes I said HAPPY of who I am and what I stand for and realize I am a rare gem. My parents went on vacation and all day in North Carolina did some mining. Well my dad had patience for that stuff and he was a little digger that day..and went and found with my mom a bunch of gems. One has the possibilty of being a a ruby which has whatever the number value over a diamond. Yes indeed a rare find. This on the outside was not very pretty and covered with a thick wall of stone and dirt just giving you a glimpse of red color. The only man or woman that will benefit from that gem is too help clean the layers. Now that is the hardest part, a challenge, only lots of investigation and dedication will help you with this one now the strongest man, physially and emotionally, who is left standing in the end will see the beauty and feel proud of this gem. But he knew what it was, his heart and hard work got him there. This man will hold the gem and reap any and all benefits to the gem. Sometimes life screws with our vision and we get a little or even a lot off track sometimes. Skimming over precious gems that look like rocks that have way too much work to be done. I would love all to stop judging people, don’t care what people think of you, and most of all don’t assume you know everything about everything. If someone makes you second guess who you are in life you need to step back and find out before you lose yourself all together. This has been all directed at my personal stuff. Noone else on the blog but me, I was just getting some things off my chest. I feel great now :) I am so the ruby in the rock..lol

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:27pm

  157. 157: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Daria if your mom is sad let her get through it unless she comes to you. She is a big girl, you have to worry about loving you. I get in funks all the time but I have to laugh sometimes people say I am sad all the time dang people I just might be in my head. Or because I have a stank face or am going through stuff you may see don’t get involved. I will get through it on my own and so will your mom she has strength because I see it all over you.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:30pm

  158. 158: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Daria

    I like maybe even love Black Panther men, they are very exciting and a big turn on. :D

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:32pm

  159. 159: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Good heart LOL!!!! yes…men LOVE our jiggles!!! :) I feel so good thinking this!

    Daria @146…YES!!! :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:35pm

  160. 160: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @158 What is a blackpanther man? hmmm never heard thyat

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:35pm

  161. 161: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    And Dominique far from being a bad girl I really am the ultimate “good girl.”

    WTH is that all about?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:35pm

  162. 162: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, one thing I always get from your posts about your parents is that you deeply love them.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:35pm

  163. 163: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove…I totally agree :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:35pm

  164. 164: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Dunno RN AmazingMe I kinda got a vibe from Daria of militant sexy masculine men reaching out to me across the ether………..

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:39pm

  165. 165: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Dang I have been doing some thinking watch out lots of smoke..haha Really though..I am really getting things in my life now wish I said it made more sense and wasn’t so complicated but then wouldn’t be life now would it :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:39pm

  166. 166: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Nurse Amazing, you really are amazing. I love it when you post here:)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:44pm

  167. 167: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Silvermoon…I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a bad boy…

    Rugby Man is NOT a bad boy but he is one of the most Alpha Males I have ever dated. He could play Maximus on Gladiator or something (he’s a hero)…

    he loves to wrestle and he LOVES making me call him “THE MASTER” lol before letting me go…and it’s all in fun…but it’s soooooo HOT!! He would never be one to get walked on or bullied by me…(or any woman)

    I think you would love one of these!!! :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:45pm

  168. 168: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    alaska seems sexier to me every time i see him.. he dresses so nice for his job and he has a very fancy job indeed for some very important people.

    i think these are just rebound juices flowing, though.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:55pm

  169. 169: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #146 – “And for toxic people, they don’t need to have access to our delicate, beautiful hearts.
    ‘

    That’s not how it works for me.

    1. People are not toxic as a whole

    2. Sharing my heart and opening is for ME. It’s honoring MYSELF. And doing it in front of everyone and anyone is MY SUPREME HONOR TO MYSELF.”

    Daria, I feel happy to think perhaps you have never been hurt to the core, to where your soul of souls and heart of hearts feels like it is raging with intense pain that you might never pull out of.

    When I made my statement, I was talking about people whose intention IS to hurt me; take advantage of me; control me. I have felt such deep pain that I was suicidal; debilitated; left reeling on the floor like I was just ripped limb from limb.

    Here’s a basic example: if I were in my bedroom late at night when a strange man in a mask snuck in and held me at knifepoint, I would not be honoring my heart to tell him all about myself, etc. I would do my best to escape him and call 9-1-1. If that weren’t possible, I’d be screaming and fighting with all my might.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:59pm

  170. 170: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Starla,

    Even if they are rebound juices… so what! Rebounds are like… almost necessary, I think.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:01pm

  171. 171: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…what if you forgot about there even being such a thing as rebounding?? I feel silly saying this…but I want you to be wild and free…and I see you twirling around on the grass without shoes on…. with out thinking thoughts of “this might be this” or “I think I feel this way because”….

    I see…oh…he dresses so nice…YUM! and he has a fancy job…YUM! for important people…sexy!!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:01pm

  172. 172: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ok after being on the road for a week…I am craving…lot’s of veggies and fruit…I’m going to go the store so I can make some green smoothie and feel lighter…

    thank you Jilly

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:05pm

  173. 173: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah, and he’s trying like h*ll to figure me out, it’s adorable. he goes all slow and cautiously.

    one thing i don’t like is the teasing. now i tease back by taking him 100% seriously, lol. and it creates sexual tension but this isn’t how i want to create sexual craving in my relationship. i don’t want to be teased.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:06pm

  174. 174: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Woohoo! I just got a new job/client for my side business!!! I was just thinking I’d like to make a bit more money right now. Yay!!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:08pm

  175. 175: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly, SMB

    On Alpha Males…

    I think sometimes the alpha tendency can go into hiding because a man has been/is in a relationship with a woman who “wears the pants.”

    It must feel terrible to be emasculated.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:11pm

  176. 176: lkNo Gravatar says:

    WOW, Radlove !

    “Here’s a basic example: if I were in my bedroom late at night when a strange man in a mask snuck in and held me at knifepoint, I would not be honoring my heart to tell him all about myself, etc. I would do my best to escape him and call 9-1-1. If that weren’t possible, I’d be screaming and fighting with all my might.”

    wow !!! actually i used to be afraid of that happening to me….. & actually, now that IS what i imagine doing now when i feel that fear… I DO imagine opening my heart to them…. wow that is so interesting that i’m talking about this…. & that you said it doesn’t makes sense… for some reason, i feel good thinking, oh, i’ll just be friendly & then maybe i will dxe if it feels right (?) hmmm….

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:15pm

  177. 177: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Mel…I hear that… ((((((men))))))))

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:17pm

  178. 178: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – that feels weird. I feel mad. I feel like my life experiences are being assumed about – ive bern thri so mich pain ! U got the wrong chick if u thought I was gona feel bad for you and push my own self aside – and i dont feel honored..

    When men attack me violently, feeling messages and opening my heart is how I create a better feeling situation and can escape.

    I think I’ve got ‘opening your heart’ as meaning something else than what it means to me – feeling messages.

    Maybe to you – it means telling people about stiff that felt painful.

    For me, it’s what I feel now.

    When a man grabbed my arm violently on a recent date and I thought I might die… I used feeling messages and 5 second smile… Hey! I feel scared!

    I don’t wana feel this way… I was feeling good w u!

    This open heart is what connects even people behaving violently, or wild animals like tigers.

    Honestly, I’ve probably been thru a lot more of that painful soul feeling than You Radlove so I know I can heal from it everytime now.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:20pm

  179. 179: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for the judgements

    I got all defensive

    Babysteps to noticing some stuff about me

    I feel sad now

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:26pm

  180. 180: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Daria’s arm))))))))))

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:27pm

  181. 181: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel guilty and scared and curious.

    Am I feeling sad to pre empt being attacked a
    and scolded

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:28pm

  182. 182: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Starla thanks!!! Daria’s arm is feeling good right now on my iPod.

    Wrist still feels achy

    I notice shoulder inside where it used to hurt doesn’t anymore

    Yay healing!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:29pm

  183. 183: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes I will die if it feels right my choice wow I feel inspired that Lk said that too

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:31pm

  184. 184: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol I just meant black panther/tiger as a metaphor for dangerous men/animals

    I live by Oakland :) . My godsis mom was a black panther

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:34pm

  185. 185: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Starla I feel honored a d seen about my love for mu parents!

    I swore them loyalty and devoted my life to putting them first when I was a kid and we had the big change and my mom fell apart it seemed

    Now I’m undoing that in babysteps to focus on me – and taking what felt useful and lovely and inspiring of that mode with me.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:42pm

  186. 186: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m terraform g myself and I truly feel sorry Radlove – I didn’t want to post that last part. It’s not true that I’ve been thru more of soul pain than anyone , and it’s not true that anyone else has more either

    I want to heal this

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:44pm

  187. 187: JanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi RN Amazing me. Sorry so late to respond to your message about our similarities (kids, small town). I’m in the middle of finals!
    I wanted to tell you how great that it made me feel that you heard what I was saying and could relate to it. Thanks….

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:52pm

  188. 188: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam – Maybe it’s time to relinquish some of this “strength” which may not be strength at all, which could be fear of allowing vulnerability. It could be a stance you’ve acquired as self-protection.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:08pm

  189. 189: lkNo Gravatar says:

    daria, thanks for saying that you hear me & thanks for saying that no one has more or less soul pain… that all feels True & Healing & i want to feel that non-judgment Love : )

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:11pm

  190. 190: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam – It could be opposites attract, or it could be fascination with what you are not, or maybe you harbor a bad girl inside and maybe you secretly wish to explore her. It’s just that this hasn’t risen far enough to the surface as conscious thought.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:12pm

  191. 191: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @166 Aww thank you Starla that makes me feel good :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:15pm

  192. 192: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I sent my text to EM, about not wanting to be the one to text first.
    He called me straight away. He sounded so present, and gentle.
    I said I feel silly texting you about why I don’t text you.
    His soft laughter melted me.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:20pm

  193. 193: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Amazing Me – i felt bad reading your post for me (i felt good being told not to overfunction as i understood it tho) about my mom i felt sad reading it

    i felt like i was being pushed away and kept at bay

    told to go away and not relate

    that i can do this by myself thing felt bad, i felt left out and that feels sad

    i dont want to feel this way

    this is not about you

    – though personally i woudl practice opneing up to accepting help and asking for help with others and taking less of a “i’m going to do it all by msyelf without help and i have to, /No excuses” masculine and denying help and support attitude drill sargent stance, beat up on self voice

    I recently started noticing my “No excuses” voice felt BAD! and it’s not helpful at all as I though it would be… it pushes me but ignores my feelings and so the cycle of it repeats!! when acknowledging my feelings and not pushing myself instead heals and transforms —

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:24pm

  194. 194: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay April Rose! i personally will feel so excited to hear about even MORE cd’s

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:27pm

  195. 195: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry to trigger you Daria..it was my own stuff I guess. My mom is pretty controlling, over bearing but I love her so much, all my family. I guess I will admit I am a work in progress and do not wish to trigger you. I can just say why I said it which is I am thinking that so much is poked fun at and not enough gets recognized after awhile its just not funny anymore. Bless my parents I know they have been my lifeline but that cant be the answer for everything. I am trying to do this all alone because they make comments to others or me that still kinda hurt.I am tired of constantly trying to prove that. I shouldn’t I am exhausted from trying too hard to compensate for what they have done for me and that I can never do so I am trying to jump off the old hampster wheel but its not easy I guess. Sorry girl, good thoughts to you and your mom!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:39pm

  196. 196: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I’m reflecting more on what you wrote me in 121 and 124

    It feels like two opposite takes on one situation. THIS IS WHAT I DO TO MYSELF ALL THE TIME.

    121. You are being neglected. Recommend ‘Toxic Men’

    124. You can turn this around and get the affection you want.

    I am constantly bouncing between feeling defeated and feeling hopeful.
    Intending to find a measure of the likelihood of this turnaround becoming a reality.
    At what point does a turnaround actually happen?
    I know it is a mysterious magical thing. Do I need to decide if it’s worth it to put in the work with this man?
    Or is he great practice whatever the outcome?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:40pm

  197. 197: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i feel a little sad & weird

    cd sent an email to an old childhood friend (a woman, who is married) & he sent some pictures to her & one of the pictures is of me…

    but the picture he sent of me is like….. Really Embarrassing ! ??

    like….. my eyes are open-ing (you know that weird cross-eyed blinking half-open look)…. i’m about to say something (so my mouth is slack-jawed…)

    ?????????????????????????

    i just feel so awful about it….. & last night i said, i feel kind of embarrassed that you sent that picture to someone i don’t know

    & he explained that he just loves that picture & thinks it shows my Nature …..

    i don’t care. i don’t want embarrassing pictures of me sent to people i don’t know ! i don’t think that’s very confusing.

    & now after a long day i feel extra sensitive about it & a little grumpy : ( it feels extra bad that he sent it to another woman… even though i do feel nice & cared-for that he tells me who he contacts… i still don’t want to be embarrassed & i feel confused why he would want to send such an un-flattering picture to Represent Me. humbug feel mad

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:41pm

  198. 198: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,
    I agree. More CDs!!!

    Finding better and better men!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:42pm

  199. 199: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t explain well but for me it’s like my parents want me here but I need to fly. Leave the nest, I know I cannot do that yet for I am not financially able. When they repeat it’s hard out there over and over and make it seem I cannot make it without them it makes me feel bad. I was a single mom with three babies and worked fulltime and did everything else at home. I had to or my kids would suffer. So I know it is going to be hard, life is not easy if so we would all be living like the Clever’s..Ahh sorry I got triggered now rambling.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:43pm

  200. 200: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ugh thats me all pushing i feel all judgemental

    i really do feel uncomfortable reading about just 2 men tho!

    im like feeling panicked and bounced around myself! – bounce effect

    it feels like im a big stagnant and suffocated and not breathing like i feel when a woman is feeling super powerful and surroudned by many diff men

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:46pm

  201. 201: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Yes,

    How the f*ck do I heal this. I feel so frustrated with myself.
    I constantly find myself split between two polarities; two points of view; two men: two of everything.

    This challenge is visible in my birthchart: represented by an unusual angle between the Moon and Sun.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:52pm

  202. 202: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m home from work early:)
    Have other work to do.
    My new client wants a LOT of work done this weekend. I’m going to clear my social plans and do it. I welcome the cash!!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:52pm

  203. 203: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    The Moon = feelings
    The Sun = Spirit, purpose

    Harmonising these two is my great challenge

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:55pm

  204. 204: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…is this for your song translations?? :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:57pm

  205. 205: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    My feelings is that I told my sister and my best friend and I have been like this for last 20 years. I am here for you when your sad or feeling low and celebrate with you your happiness. I will not judge you and even if we don’t agree it’s ok. life is too short for you not to have a place in your life a special friend that you can count on no matter what without and judgement.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:57pm

  206. 206: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((April Rose))))))))))))

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:58pm

  207. 207: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Yo0u know Daria I read that post and made it about me and I am sorry. I wish you the best with your family I am at no place to tell anyone how to fix that…lol. I am living in the coocooos nest over here lol.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:59pm

  208. 208: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose…I am too…what’s your sign?

    I am exactly on the cusp of Cancer and Leo…and I am split down the middle (that’s what the lady said) and they are completely opposite…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:59pm

  209. 209: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly, no, it’s campaign finance stuff. :D

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:04pm

  210. 210: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @196 I so agree with this AprilRose. I am feeling like beaten down with it. Yuck

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:04pm

  211. 211: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I would feel so soothed and thankful for some help in putting together a script (letter) for WM.
    Something gentle and respectful, that puts forward my desire to open the doors to circular dating more men.

    I love you and treasure you. When we are light and playfuI together I feel myself belonging in a world of warmth and stars and pleasures.
    Right now, though, I feel so heavy and defeated being in a relationship with you. I feel my worst issues coming up and I’m sorry if I have taken them out on you. You are very precious to me.
    I feel a lot of pressure on us both, and it is making me feel angry and resentful. I can’t seem to shake the anger. My only escape is to have fun. I want to go out and enjoy myself in different ways, with different people. I want this for myself. I don’t want ‘closure’ with you. I would like you to be one of those people I have fun dates with.
    What do you think?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:08pm

  212. 212: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Well, it’s 6:15 Thursday evening and I never heard a single word from JT. I feel neglected and sad and ignored again!
    Day One of the “Lizka lean back”, coming right up.
    I need to heal this and get over it. I don’t want to feel the way I feel about him and continue to be treated as a non-priority.
    BTW, he IS a bad boy and yes, I am veryyyyy attracted to bad boys. Always have been!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:19pm

  213. 213: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…that’s awesome!!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:23pm

  214. 214: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    Ok ladies…now I’m feeling a little lost and supriced. I’m still feeling a little shaking and and I feel like a noob.

    ..I feel I need to breath, sort things out. I’m right now chatting with a man and he is throwing me out of balance in so many ways. I is starting to feel hard to stay open and vulnarable. I can feel him touching my heart and it feels scary, so scary and nice at the same time. It feels good, it feels like freedom…and it feels scary at the same time.

    Anyway I have been doing Fm with him all the time.

    He is responding very well to everything.

    for example when I said “I feel worried about my cats and your catallergic”

    He just said; “Dont worry, I have medicine and if it will be a problem we sort it out”

    He have also written stuff like “You have grown in value in my eyes” and “I love to read about how you feel, you must forgive me, I’m so attracted to you, you are such femine woman”

    And somedays ago he said: “I want you to fall asleep while I’m still inside you, I want to you to feel so safe with me”

    He sends me links to songs he likes, his “warrior song” and other songs like those that makes him smile, feel romantic.

    We had a little issues about miss understanding but it is sorted out.

    He tried to give me bad feelings about em having contact with other men; I just told him that it feelt odd to put such preasure on us already, since we havent meet yet and started to date…so he totelly went soft on me and let it go.

    He have told me he is dating other woman…and tonight I told him:

    “I really appricite you being honest with me, it feels so nice. I feel jelous on that woman, it feels awful, I dont want to hear more details about your meeting with them”

    This is his respond:
    “I dont know why I wrote it, maybe becourse I dont know what to call what you and I have. It wasnt in order to make myself better noir to make you sad. It was out of happiness for a good meeting”

    I wrote:
    “Aww I feel happy when you are honest and tell me things. I have my limits what I can hear. I feel honest and for my own sake I tell when something feels wrong…and i tell when something feels good.”

    His respons:
    “I didnt write it to hurt you”

    Me:
    “Thanks. I feel no angry feelings. It feels scary how easy it feels to be honest, to feel open, varm and vulnarable.”

    He:
    “Do you mean that :) ? How is it possible?”

    That questing throw me out of balance a little, I feelt suprice by his question. I could fel how I started to shut myself down..my inner boy started to want to explain. Anyway I wrote:

    “yes I mean it. I dont know – maybe since I allways listen to my feelings and say my feelings”

    Ladies…help and any thoughts, I feel a little lost. How much do I explain when a man ask why I feel and how I can feel?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:29pm

  215. 215: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jilly,
    I work with aspects between planets in a birthchart,
    more than with zodiac signs, but I hear what you’re saying about your Sun sign.
    The effect of planets positioned at the cusp of signs or houses can be stronger aswell.
    I feel curious. Do you feel split? Or have challenges with duality?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:32pm

  216. 216: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    HIIIIIII!!!!!!

    I love my new moonlighting gig! It is not great money, but it feels so comforting to work with doggies and pet them and give them baths and the people who work there are also very sweet….

    It should round out my finances pretty well.

    I got a call from a cancer survivorship organization to give some talks…

    I think I have a date this weekend…

    I will write more about this later….i will be on the blog more tonight since you keep me feeling less lonely as I correct my papers….

    i feel so thankful for the connection and it helps me to read about what’s going on for all of you and comment and chime in and i feel better able to give good feedback to my students….

    grrrrr….i had to get a key for my crush’s office today, since he is letting us use the space for a fundraising event and i am the contact for him…..

    he just melts me, he told me how incredible sexy I look and how he loves my shape and I just sat there and listened and got so aroused…..but that is all that happened….and it did feel good and juicy….as long as i get out there and cd….

    Yes, i totally relate to one of the themes on the blog tonight, being attracted to bad boys…..

    well, i had better get some decaf with just a little bit of high test to get me through this project….

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:34pm

  217. 217: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I have a date in an hour. Wish me luck!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:40pm

  218. 218: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    I don’t really feel split. I don’t pay too much attention to it…but sometimes when “signs” come up I’m like “I’m BOTH” . It feels lovely to me.

    What if you embraced that you had two sides to everything? that feels good and open and free…how amazing is it to be able to see “all” sides…one side and the opposite…why do you want to fight it?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:45pm

  219. 219: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow, siren song, you’re the dating queen right now!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:47pm

  220. 220: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I just have not had the opportunity to date unless it’s online. I realized I guess I am now too honest for online and take people for what they say then bam in your face guess again they are not what they say. Gets old I get irritated like its not fun for me so I am trying to figure it out. I mean, starting a new job in a new area will help.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:50pm

  221. 221: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    And somedays ago he said: “I want you to fall asleep while I’m still inside you, I want to you to feel so safe with me” This is HOT!!!!!!..love that :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:52pm

  222. 222: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Not perverted but wow, that deep and NO PUN INTENDED .

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:54pm

  223. 223: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow, I finished this one project hours early! Now I can study for my Chinese final and have all of tomorrow night to work on the remaining projects.

    Easy Peazy, I’m superduper surrounded by abundance and opportunity.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:24pm

  224. 224: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    LK,

    176 – That feels weird to hear. I wonder if you have a death wish?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:39pm

  225. 225: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling so much gratitude right now..that feels yummy…that feels like welcoming more of that into my life yes!!

    Thank you Rose for feeling all this gratitude for everyone and everything good in my life right now..

    Thank you Rose for getting me the fresh organic produce and taking the time to make that yummy greek salad, felt so good

    Thank you for taking all this extra care inside and out, it feels amazing!

    Thank you for voting for me!!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:39pm

  226. 226: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    178 – “Radlove – that feels weird. I feel mad. I feel like my life experiences are being assumed about – ive bern thri so mich pain ! U got the wrong chick if u thought I was gona feel bad for you and push my own self aside – and i dont feel honored..

    When men attack me violently, feeling messages and opening my heart is how I create a better feeling situation and can escape.

    I think I’ve got ‘opening your heart’ as meaning something else than what it means to me – feeling messages.

    Maybe to you – it means telling people about stiff that felt painful.

    For me, it’s what I feel now.”

    I feel a lil shocked and a lil clueless, like I don’t understand. I wonder if we are talking about two different things.

    I was not at ALL trying to diminish your pain. I was truly feeling a moment of happiness to hope that your perspective was coming from a sheltered place where all people were good and meant well. That was not meant as an insult to you.

    I find innocence and naivete beautiful at a very deep level.

    I am on board with telling a predatory person that I feel scared…yet some of them get off on the fear…they are sadistic. So even then I would use caution.

    When I think of open heart I think about telling people freely who i really am inside. i think that is only safe with my inner circle of friends, those who have proven they are out for MY good, not to use me for their self centered purposes. As an example, i wouldn’t give my house key to just anyone on the street. i would expect to be robbed, raped, etc.

    I wonder if by “open heart” you mean strictly feeling messages. In that case, in most cases i would agree that it is the way to go. I was thinking more about deep honesty.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:46pm

  227. 227: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    181 – “I feel guilty and scared and curious.

    Am I feeling sad to pre empt being attacked a
    and scolded”

    In my case, it is not my desire to attack and scold. I understand you are processing your inner feelings here. But I just want you to know in the case of my interaction with you, I am never trying to pick a fight with you.

    I am KEENLY interested in your perspectives, and I learn from you almost daily. When I have a difference of perspective, I am deeply honest with you and I put it out there not to fight, but to discuss. To me, there’s a big difference. I immensely enjoy putting my thoughts and feelings out there and turn them over, walk around them, peer in them closely with a magnifying glass, and thereby, to fine tune them. I welcome you in that process.

    At what times i slip into my old behavior of being harsh and angry, I deeply apologize, past, present, and future, to you and to all the other Sirens. I am in process, and I feel really good about my progress.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:54pm

  228. 228: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow,

    MWC just keeps coming through for me again and again and again…

    Today he reached into the pit and pulled me right back up and out.

    He always knows when something is up with me and he listens patiently…

    And he is just consistent.

    In his love for me and his positivity when I am feeling down.

    Its hard to explain.

    Its like he just doesn’t let it (my negative emotions) throw him off track.

    He doesn’t always want to talk about my negative feelings. Sometimes he will, but even if he doesn’t he will do everything he can think of to make me feel better.

    And every single time I have felt suspicious of him for anything recently, it has turned out that he has not been doing anything untoward.. in fact he is usually doing something with us in mind.

    It feels really, really good.

    To be got in this way.

    And of course I express my happy emotions too!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:55pm

  229. 229: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jenny hi. You did very well. I would just add that I am just a girl here and I feel a lot.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:56pm

  230. 230: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    my 227 – That goes for you, too, and I so hope you will accept my apology for a few days ago when I was harsh with you. I feel really bad about it and I value you and i wonder if you will forgive me?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:02pm

  231. 231: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    183 – “Yes I will die if it feels right my choice wow I feel inspired that Lk said that too”

    Once again, I feel deeply disturbed to hear that. Death is my enemy.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:04pm

  232. 232: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    FW, #149: That is so true! In the two weeks between my last visit with PriestCD and him breaking up with me, I developed a knot below my left shoulder blade that was there only while running (which is something we did together, and our relationship was often a subject of my thoughts while running). I felt it only once more in the week afterward. I did notice at the time that that weird tension developed and then disappeared, and next time I will pay better attention to what my body is telling me!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:14pm

  233. 233: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – lol! death is not my enemy… death is a part of life and every being dies!

    it feels amazing and transformative and beautiful

    :) its one of life’s mysterious transitions just like birth!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:16pm

  234. 234: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I have talked to two men from OkC this week. I have realized just how much I miss talking to a smart, articulate man. I have felt blah with both of these guys, less so the one from tonight than the one on Saturday.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:23pm

  235. 235: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im sorry you feel disturbed Radlove

    id feel so awesome to embrace that theres no need to fear death and to share that with the world

    so much suffering will cease! yay!1

    i believe i choose what i experience, and death is a choice

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:23pm

  236. 236: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s this essay about it i felt so inspired by that I posted 2 years ago:

    Path of the Sacred Warrior
    by Peggy Andreas

    First circulated on the newsgroup alt.religion.shamanism, this essay was published in Towards 2012 part I: Death/Rebirth (The Unlimited Dream Company, 1995). It forms the start of a trilogy which continues with Path of the Sacred Clown and Path of the Shaman. Written around 1995.

    “Hoka Hey!” exclaims the Sioux warrior riding into battle, “Today is a good day to die.” A true warrior dares to do the impossible. She dares death and she respects death, both. A story about Native American warriors puts it this way, “Warriors live with death at their side, and from the knowledge that death is with them, they draw the courage to face anything. The worst that can happen to us is that we have to die, and since that is already our unalterable fate, we are free; those who have lost everything no longer have anything to fear.”1

    The Path of the Sacred Warrior begins with the awareness that we are mortal beings, that we are going to die. Knowing this, we can see our lives in better perspective. Knowing this, we can act ALWAYS so that we will be able to die centered, beyond fear, at peace with what we have made from the stuff of our lives. The goal is to live our lives well in order to eventually die well, so that what is eternal about us (our Spirit?) will be set free. We must each come to terms with our own personal Deaths. For instance, I like to think that my body is offspring of an act of love between my Spirit and the Elemental world. I like to think that MY death will be a final consummation and bittersweet orgasmic consumption of that love!

    The Sacred Warrior walks her path with her Death at her side. And her Death makes Herself available to the Sacred Warrior as an advisor, teacher, and friend. This relationship with her Death calls the Sacred Warrior to be who she truly is, to live her life fully and completely, to use the power-from-within. As Agnes Whistling Elk says in the story Medicine Woman, “You can only be dangerous when you accept your death. Then you become dangerous in spite of anything. You must learn to see the awake ones. A dangerous woman can do anything because she will do anything. A powerful woman is unthinkable because the unthinkable belongs to her. Everything belongs to her, and anything is possible.”2

    In Native American lore, stories of warriors often reveal a childhood filled with inner turmoil and outward aggressiveness. Baby warriors are keen to explore the world and they don’t want anyone or anything to get in their way. They may fight with their siblings or test the parents mercilessly. Warriors often seem to have come into life with an excess of energy. Their temperaments are fiery; their wills, strong. A young warrior who is thwarted in her physical expression will almost certainly compensate with surplus mental or emotional energy.

    The story of the Tewa Cottonwood Warchief, Pohaha, illustrates this theme. Always angry when young, she rebelled when coaxed to do domestic work. Finally, her tribe consented to let her go to battle, where she distinguished herself mightily. After that, it was said, her constant anger disappeared and “she became a good woman.”3 Her name, Pohaha, means “wet-between-the-legs-ha-ha” because of her habit of pulling up her dress to taunt her enemies with the fact that she was a woman! Eventually, the great Pohaha was elected “Warchief” by the elders. As War Chief, she would have to lead her people against enemies, protect them from sickness and treat them as her children. She took her charge seriously; and when she died, she left her mask and said it would represent her even if she was dead. “I will be with you all the time,” she told her tribe, “The mask is me.”4 The Cottonwood people keep her mask, and tell her story, to this day.

    A young warrior is hard to control. But once that warrior is trusted with a challenging task, she is on her way to SELF-CONTROL. Native Americans begin the warrior-training with hunting lessons, along with basic wilderness-survival skills. They teach the young huntress a respect for her “prey.” They show the young one that to learn from one’s Death (the Ultimate Huntress), one needs to develop humility, patience, and an ability to keep a clear head—or, at least, to clear one’s head, fast! The wilderness-survival training is a good idea for a Sacred Warrior—it gives her a true knowledge of her world, and of her relationship to it. It gives her Nature as her first Opponent. She learns that one cannot “compete” with such a powerful Opponent. Yet she also learns that this Opponent is a mirror to her own heart, and as such deserves respect and, even, love. From this realization, she goes on to learn self-defense and self-reliance.

    Obviously, this is a path of courage. Native Americans call their warriors “Braves” for a reason. The more courage one showed, the more honored the warrior! “Braves” (both female and male) who rode into battle did not seek to kill the opposition. It was considered much braver to humiliate (“count coup on”) the opposition by getting close enough to simply touch, or to capture the opposition’s ceremonial pipe, war bonnet, shield or bow.5 To kill another warrior was considered a dubious accomplishment. To kill “innocents” was considered cowardly. In ancient days, it is said that great warriors would not attack a camp, but would enter and be welcomed. They would be put up in the “enemy tipi” to rest and be fed. Then all the young warriors of the camp would come to challenge the great warrior, hoping to “count coup” but usually just lucky to hold their own. No doubt they received a few lessons in the holding.

    “Capturing” (what we might call “stealing”) became one of the greatest warrior feats. Since there was no idea of property, it was more like “reclaiming.” This is where the White insult of “Indian-giver” originated. Entities (like horses) or places (like a forest or a plain) could not be “owned” by anyone; therefore they belonged to those who took care of them.

    In the modern world, our battles are usually fought in somewhat different arenas. Many writers and re-claimers of Herstory are Sacred Warriors, realizing that “The pen is mightier than the sword”. “Say you were a writer and you decided to pick Anaïs Nin as your worthy opponent. You tried to beat her in creativity and ideas. In a sense, you would use her to see yourself. You don’t want her to fail—you would lose your model. What does a medicine person want you to do? They want to give away to you until you have power so that you can become a worthy opponent to another worthy warrior.”6 What IS opposition, anyway? This question is central to the Sacred Warrior’s Path. It does NOT involve contempt. It is wasteful to feel contempt for people or other entities. A Native American warrior speaking to a group of White Americans put it this way, “You people have such anger and fear and contempt for your so-called criminals that your crime rate goes up and up. Your society has a high crime rate because it is in a perfect position to receive crime. You should be working WITH these people, not in opposition to them. The idea is to have contempt for crime, not for people. It’s more useful to think of every individual as another YOU—to think of every individual as a representative of the universe. Even the worst criminal in life imprisonment sitting in his cell—the center of him is the same seed, the seed of the whole creation.”7

    So what is the feeling that the Sacred Warrior cultivates within herself? Detachment is important. “Everyone who wants to follow the warrior’s path has to rid herself of fixation: the compulsion to possess and hold onto things.”7 It is easy to see that walking with one’s Death at one’s side can help one remember that “you can’t take it with you.” Besides, a fluid warrior needs to be free of burdens, needs to be free to think clearly, and move at a moment’s notice. She also needs to be able to live in the present. In order to cultivate detachment, a warrior develops her sense of humor and a great sense of resourcefulness. These become her shields. She can feel her strong and passionate emotions and then let them pass THROUGH her. She can laugh at herself.

    But there is a danger in detachment. A warrior can become so self-reliant that she becomes arrogant and uncompromising. She becomes incapable of compassion. What brings the “sacredness” to the path of the Sacred Warrior is LOVE. To the Sacred Warrior, Love is felt when the heart is open. Great warriors are said to have great hearts, and even the strongest, most skilled, most dangerous warrior becomes Sacred when she puts herself in service (as a Guardian or a Champion) to a child, a needy group, a holy place, a worthy task. MOST of all, the Sacred Warrior is at the service of those who truly require her. She does this not for them, but for herself. Her love and service are free, without attachment or expectation—unconditional. She knows, perhaps more than anyone else, that to truly love is the most dangerous and most daring act a Sacred Warrior can perform. An Apache maiden, Lozen, became a powerful and respected warrior. Expert in riding and roping, she was always able to bring back enemy horses. She was dedicated to helping her people. It is said that once she found herself alone in enemy territory with a young mother and her baby. She spent several gruelling months leading them to safety, when she could have just as easily rode away by herself. As she matured in her compassion, she began to develop the uncanny ability to determine the location of the enemy, and became a welcome voice at tribal strategy meetings.9 Throughout Native American lore, there are many such stories of big-hearted Braves. While they are much admired and honored for their hunting, fighting, and survival skills, they are even more respected and loved for their compassion and kindness.

    In the past, Sacred Warriors battled for the protection and survival of their tribes, and for personal satisfaction. This is still true, but in our Age, the definition of “tribe” can vary. The Sacred Warrior who travels on “A path with a heart” must find her own sacred battlefield. The fight may be for justice, or peace, or respect—whether personally or publicly. Many Sacred Warriors fulfil the Native American prophecy of the “Warriors of the Rainbow” that says, “When the Earth is sick and dying, all over the world people will rise up as Warriors of the Rainbow to save the planet.”10 This prophecy is furthered by the words of a modern Native American/Eskimo who says, “Great are the tasks ahead, terrifying are the mountains of ignorance and hate and prejudice, but the Warriors of the Rainbow shall rise as on the wings of the eagle to surmount all difficulties. They will be happy to find that there are now millions of people all over the earth ready and eager to rise and join them in conquering all barriers that bar the way to a new and glorious world! We have had enough now of talk. Let there be deeds.”11

    http://dreamflesh.com/essays/warriorpath/

    Monday, 3 May 2010 @ 7:49pm

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:31pm

  237. 237: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Radlove)))) I really appreciate your post regarding your intentions with me :)

    the scolding fear is something of a pattern from childhood… i actually felt kinda smily and safe though…

    i can handle it and ALSO… i felt kinda good thinking that i likely wouldn’t be scolded rite now anyway since you’re so gentle and aware with me AWWW (((Radlove))))

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:37pm

  238. 238: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    I am at a conference far from my home….i am bored of academics…my room has no tv….yuck cause it was super cheap and i am hiding in a computer lab cause its too early to feel like sleeping…lol

    I am trying to flirt and speak to people…new stuff
    I feel interested in people more and i am trying to get out of my head

    I feel like sleeping on my own couch
    i miss my kids
    i miss my routine
    i miss my back yard and having my car
    i am going to have a cigarette
    lol
    hi sirens….much love to you alll….at least i can take all of you wherever i go!
    you all sound wonderful
    lots of moving and shaking on the blog!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:39pm

  239. 239: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly and April Rose,

    I heard that this Saturday the full moon is going to appear larger than normal.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:41pm

  240. 240: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    237 – Awww, that feels smilkey and it brought tears to my eyes.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:42pm

  241. 241: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    235 – When it is my time to go home, I am willing and am ok with it. But the way you talk about it being a choice feels more like a death wish to me.

    i believe what it says in Shawshank Redemption (movie):

    “You’re either busy living or you’re busy dying.”

    I guess having lived in depression most of my life, as in, feeling immersed in it growing up around a depressed mother, that is a huge big deal to me. My life was filled with sighs of hopelessness and lethargy, too sad to push ahead and live abundantly and thriving.

    Another saying I heard is, “Movement is life. Without movement, there is no life.” I am not sure where I heard this. But I think of it often as a gauge to how depressed I am, to check my emotional wellness.

    In fighting depression, I fight death, because the path of depression is one of lethargy and no movement.

    I have chosen against heavy odds to live.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:49pm

  242. 242: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens:

    I’m having a bittersweet celebration . . .

    I leaned forward, sent one last text and then deleted CD assertive from my phone forever . . .

    I can feel the lightness, I feel a shift in my vibe, I feel release and I feel sad, but a strong sad – the type that fades away quietly. . .

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:53pm

  243. 243: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “The Sacred Warrior walks her path with her Death at her side. And her Death makes Herself available to the Sacred Warrior as an advisor, teacher, and friend. This relationship with her Death calls the Sacred Warrior to be who she truly is, to live her life fully and completely, to use the power-from-within. As Agnes Whistling Elk says in the story Medicine Woman, “You can only be dangerous when you accept your death. Then you become dangerous in spite of anything. You must learn to see the awake ones. A dangerous woman can do anything because she will do anything. A powerful woman is unthinkable because the unthinkable belongs to her. Everything belongs to her, and anything is possible.”2″

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:55pm

  244. 244: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove…that’s cool..I’ll be looking for it!! :) I wonder if it means anything…

    Radlove…have you heard of Abigail Steidley? I think you would love her. http://www.anamsong.com/

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:59pm

  245. 245: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Well ladies, please bear with me in my process. I am baby stepping away from initiating with men, after feeling a good shift yesterday that is further transforming my beliefs about relationships that I want to heal.

    since I am still blundering and floundering, I initiated tonight with Yorky to do a little damage control. He is the one I met last June for one date who has a house worth about $500,000.

    He is the one I almost had a date with on Monday, and then I put him off until Wednesday. Now it is Thursday, and I never heard back from him, so I attempted some bumbling damage control by text as follows:

    B: Hi Yorky, I feel foolish and embarrassed. I wish I had just told you I couldn’t have come until Wednesday. (Note: without going thru all that about not having gas money until Wednesday).

    (an hour later)

    B: Unemployment unexpectedly took $600 out of my April income. That does not equate to me being a loser. My value is found in my identity in God, who created me in His image and lives in me. My financial struggles amount to no more than a bump in the road. What do you think? (Note: I just realized that the autocorrect! Where’s Butterfly Wings? :lol: ).

    Y: I’m not a material guy. I understand about your check which is why I offered to pay for your gas.

    B: Oh, oh, now i feel sheepish cuz i made an assumption. I guess i was feeling a lil disappointed I hadn’t heard back from you. Please excuse me. Blushing

    Y: I don’t care how much money you have as long as you are nice.

    B: Aww, that feels good to hear…and my heart feels beautiful in its love and compassion for all people.

    Y: Well that’s all I need.

    B: :-)

    I feel happy! I think sometimes leaning forward pays. Eh-eh…I know, I know!!!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:07pm

  246. 246: lkNo Gravatar says:

    you’re god & i’m god. we’re making god together.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:11pm

  247. 247: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose
    211

    I feel so much right now –

    I feel warm and star-like when the two of us are light and playful. I feel so much love for you. I treasure you.

    I also feel a lot of pressure.
    I feel heavy.
    I feel defeated.
    I feel resentful.
    I feel angry.
    I feel my worst issues coming up.
    I feel bad for acting out these feelings.
    I don’t want to feel bad together.
    I don’t want to feel these icky things anymore.
    I don’t want to put any more pressure on us
    but I don’t want feel ‘closure’ with you.
    I feel closed off.

    OMG I JUST WANT TO FEEL FUN
    and good
    and in love
    and feel enjoyment in so many ways
    and feel fun going out with other people
    and feel lovely going out with you
    and feel good doing this for me
    I want to feel free and sweet
    What do you think?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:16pm

  248. 248: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Spoke to CDdj tonight. I feel supported. That makes me feel warm and embraced in the shoulders and arm like sitting close to a raging fire in a fireplace. He gives me tips and pointers and quizzes even about nutrition and exercise! I felt so comfortable I told him my deepest fear – that I feel scared that I may lose my boobs!! He comforted me and did not laugh at me. This made me feel sooooooo safe. I had never spoken that feeling before. I really love the attention, and I love digging deep for the feelings that I don’t readily recognize are there. I feel so light. Gonna go work out now.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:25pm

  249. 249: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Ravenquile
    # 99
    We all do that honey!!!
    Welcome to the blog :)

    LoveAlways

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:27pm

  250. 250: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!

    I’ve been MIA for a couple of days. It’s going to be stressful for me until Monday with my final project due for school. I hope everyone is well.

    I wanted your advice on a response.

    I emailed Mr. Observant asking him what beer he drinks so I can plan accordingly for my party. I know this is probably overfunctioning, but I like to be a good host and have what my guests enjoy (it’s not just him I do this for).

    Anyways, he responded about the beer and then asked, “How are you doing?”

    I replied, “I’m doing good. I’m feeling a little stressed over my final drawing for school, but that will be over come Monday. Thanks for asking.

    How about you?”

    He replied, “I would like to see your final drawing. I am sure you will get a good grade. You are going to do very well for yourself.”

    If you notice, he didn’t answer how he was. I want to reply something like, “Thank you for the vote of confidence. You are sweet. I will show you my final drawing. You can see it at my party. You didn’t say how you are, so how are you?”

    What do you think? Is that too pushy asking again? Should I just leave it be? Should I leave “You can see it at my party.” out?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:34pm

  251. 251: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    My 245 – Correction:

    Somehow part of what I typed got erased:

    Note: I just realized that the autocorrect changed “Think” to ‘tinkering”.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:37pm

  252. 252: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly,

    244 – You wonder if what means anything?

    Thanks for the website! I’ll check it out. I subscribed to the elist.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:41pm

  253. 253: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    243 – I heard that the most dangerous people on earth are those who are on death row. They will do anything, because they have nothing to lose.

    When I have a worthy cause, i have already proven more than once that I will choose a higher good over my own life. I am dangerous in the sense of being all-out devoted to that or to whom I choose to devote myself…because I have nothing to lose.

    But I will never call death my friend, ever. Death is my enemy.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:50pm

  254. 254: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    LK,

    246 = “you’re god & i’m god. we’re making god together.”

    I am not God. But God lives in me and through me. I am whole, complete, and lacking nothing because of it. Which is why I agreed with Daria yesterday when she said we are perfect.

    Love it.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:53pm

  255. 255: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    GG,

    250 – that is a pet peeve of mine when people don’t respond to my questions in conversation. And it seems to happen frequently. I usually just let it go, or if it’s really buggin’ me, I bring it back around and ask it in different words…

    How are you doing?

    (a few sentences later…)

    So what’s new in your life?

    Or if it’s a yes/no question and they ignore it, I borrow a line from “Ghost Busters”:

    “Well, I’d call that a big no!” But I know that’s snarky, so I do it less and less.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:07pm

  256. 256: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Where’d you all go? I bet you’re watching Avatar on Fox! I’m watching it too…multitasking, which I get a charge from doing.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:09pm

  257. 257: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Radlove.

    I’m wondering if he didn’t see it at the bottom of my email. I guess that is possible.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:21pm

  258. 258: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    236 Daria

    deep into the essay:
    “You must learn to see the awake ones.”

    powerful…love it….
    xo
    Aurora

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:22pm

  259. 259: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    After reading this post, I feel like I owe closure to BoatGuy, even though we both just stopped communicating, but I was pretty closed off the last few times he texted me random nothings.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:23pm

  260. 260: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl, forgive me for saying this, but you don’t owe nobody nothing. Turn all that energy back on yourself and love on you, I say!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:34pm

  261. 261: VWNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Darlings :)

    Read a few (ok, maybe half, lol, of the comments :) I have some feedback for Silver Moonbeam and Ella :) Ladies, if interested, let me know…

    The blog is awesome and so right on :) and of course, Rori’s touch makes it ‘best’ as always :)

    Lots of love to you all :)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:53pm

  262. 262: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    wow…interesting date.

    the guy was so nervous he drove through a red light. he was super-super into me. i felt overwhelmed.

    right on! ;-)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:12pm

  263. 263: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I could feel myself falling into a weird immobile depressive pit all evening, but something in me got me off the sofa and into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face for the night. I feel really glad that something moved me, cuz I would have just passed out without taking care of myself, which is a habit I absolutely do not want to have. It feels good to break patterns of depression.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:18pm

  264. 264: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    VW,

    261 – I feel happy to see you hear. You have such a beautiful spirit. i love how you call us “Darlings”…you are Darling!

    Love, Me

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:46pm

  265. 265: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    4: April Rose says:
    ****“Shutting down EVER isn’t serving you.”
    I am shutting down. I feel so much anger and resentment. I feel so restricted. I feel bored.
    I don’t know how to heal this.****

    Is he still married to another woman?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:47pm

  266. 266: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Starla}}},

    263 – Good going! Keep on keep on keeping on! Keep on doing it to it! You are handling this idyllically, and you are so strong. How I wish I could take away your pain.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:48pm

  267. 267: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I am so bummed I fell asleep at the end of Avatar! I missed the ending!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:49pm

  268. 268: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    newsflash: i don’t have to do anything special for a man to dig me.

    i am enough.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:51pm

  269. 269: Memulo says:

    He texted and called tonight out of the blue to say that he is coming to visit on Sunday. He said he can’t function without me…….

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:53pm

  270. 270: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    oooh memulo…:-)

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:57pm

  271. 271: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    ((starla))

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:58pm

  272. 272: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, thanks for sharing! how do you feel??

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:00pm

  273. 273: AngelaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies,
    I haven’t written in a few months but I wanted to get some feedback.
    I just recently began talking to my 5 hour LD ex about 6 weeks ago. We are not bf and gf so I am still circular dating.
    We saw each other for the first time in 10 months 4 weeks ago. we are both mid 30′s, no kids, never married. while we were together 4 weeks ago we had the usual amazing time that we’ve always had.
    Here’s what’s weird: Every week it’s something different.
    Week 1: he’s texting and calling during the day for 2 days that week when I return the call in the evening because i’m at work he doesn’t answer. He called the the next morning apologizing both times that week he’d fallen asleep or was at the gym that night.

    Week 2: Texting and calling during the day for 3 days that week . Then texting at night.

    Week 3: calling, texting durng the day and night. If I was busy I wouldn’t answer still circular dating.
    He told me during the summer he would be visiting my hometown more, thinking about moving to my state. I mailed him an, I’m thinking of you card and signed my name no love you, just thinking of you bcuz I was.
    Week 4: he never responded to the card and I just heard from him today for the first time all week via text. Same bubbly chat he hasn’t acknowledged the card.
    Other than the card, I haven’t initiated any communication or date since we began talking, he has. When we are on the phone he’s talking about us going on trips and seeing each other more.
    He told me on day 1 that he wasnt seeing anyone and still loved me. I don’t know if he’s blowing hot and cold or playing games or trying to take it slow, holding back or what.
    My conversation is feeling messages but I haven’t addressed his weird/inconsistent behavior because I wasn’t sure if he was busy those weeks doing other things, etc. Im not comfortable getting into his business when I haven’t been around in 10 months.
    should I address it or just be patient and see what he does while I continue to CD. Any feedback is great. Thanks

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:03pm

  274. 274: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    269 – “He texted and called tonight out of the blue to say that he is coming to visit on Sunday. He said he can’t function without me…….”

    I feel like texting this to R.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:09pm

  275. 275: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @274 hey B? That you

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:17pm

  276. 276: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I will be forever changed but am scared to death I will never be able to open up and love like that again….**tears**

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:30pm

  277. 277: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    AmazingMe,

    275 – Yeah! Good to see you! I just felt a lil vulnerable with some things i was going thru with K, and I went under cover. But turns out he wasn’t invading here afterall.

    but I decided to keep my alias just to feel a lil more anonymous as a whole.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:33pm

  278. 278: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    yes, I think I figured it out, too – Radlove, is that B? Aka Esteemed? Your voice sounds different, but I think it’s you…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:34pm

  279. 279: ArrowofthymeNo Gravatar says:

    This blog is fast replacing my other online addictions – it may even be beating episodes of downton abbey. The support is just amazing here.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:35pm

  280. 280: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Animal Planet just showed tortoises mating! Poor tortoises had their privacy compromised.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:38pm

  281. 281: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Arrow,

    279 – I feel the same way. I think this is an amazing place and a rich resource, not only of information, but of love and caring. I’ve been hanging out here for two years, and I only wish I had started 3 years ago, when I first became aware of its existence.

    I am feeling a need for a refresher course on Rori’s programs. I’m about to listen to them all again. I just drank them in the first time or two. But I find it’s such deep information capable of such deep transformation that it really does need to be assimilated over time, in baby steps.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:41pm

  282. 282: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @277 that is understandable how are you how is life you ok?! I am glad you are still here!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:42pm

  283. 283: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany,

    278 – Yes B and yes Esteemed. Please excuse the confusion.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:45pm

  284. 284: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    AmazingMe,

    Thanks for asking! I’m all right. Just feeling kinda weirded out the last few days because R pulled away yet again, after I was feeling really close to him, texting late into the night virtually every night.

    I should have known something was off the way it was text only and not in person. The last time I saw him in person was just before Valentine’s Day.

    I am too in love with him to just be nonchalant.

    Now I’m watching little birds mate. I feel like a voyeur! LOL! I am quite fascinated with some of the newer nature shows like Frozen Planet. This one is Wild Russia.

    I am trying to get out of the habit of talking about issues all the time. But that doesn’t mean they are not there. They are just not my focus. I am trying to focus on becoming my best self and all the joy and beauty life has to offer.

    More than anything, I miss R.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:50pm

  285. 285: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so tired. If I didn’t have laundry to do right now, I would go to sleep this minute…

    I guess my pms caught up with me. I though I was scot-free this month. I thought I ate enough red meat, took my EPO diligently, and I was feeling fine – right up until today. Maybe even yesterday. But today feels especially bad, for some reason. Quite the roller coaster. And things really p*ssing me off for no good reason. Or maybe for good reason. But just more than usual.

    I am also aware that PMS accounts for a great deal of “leaning forward” on my part. In all kinds of arenas. I get uncontrollable urges to “communicate” something. And by “uncontrollable” what I mean is that I can’t control the fact that I have an urge. I can only control (to some extent) what I do or not do to respond to it, through concerted, sustained effort. And it takes a lot of energy! often, when I get tired or drained, I can succumb to my urges. They’ll take over, kidnap my brain and fingertips, and tap out little messages to people that feel so authentic and real, but which I later regret.

    Maybe even my birthday message today.. Was it too rushed? To controlley? Too something? Maybe none of those things…

    I did also end up sending a text to MM. Never heard back. Don’t know what’s up, there. maybe nothing at well. It’s not important.

    I just always get stressed out about my birthday parties. I thought I was over it this year, but there it is. People cancelling at the last minute. All the “no” rsvps from people that I care about, with no explanation.

    I only got upset really at one person. But it was a big disappointment. Now I feel cut off, hurt, broken, rejected.

    Oy. Is that all it takes???

    I don’t know if it’s just that. But I do feel broken. I do feel lost. I do feel like I belong on the island of the Misfit Toys. : ( ( (

    I feel like I am so broken that nobody wants me. And I don’t even know what it is about me that doesn’t work properly. I just feel dysfunctional. Crying, sad, and alone. Unacceptable.

    And maybe this is the moment just before a big acceptance. Maybe this is how I feel right before someone accepts me for exactly the way I am.

    It just seems that, no matter how much I accept myself, no matter how much I approve of myself, esteem myself, and all of that, it’s never enough. No one ever accepts me, loves me, revels in my life the way that I do. Or maybe my eyes just aren’t open to what’s there. But I do feel alone. I do feel left. I do feel that nobody really wants me, and I am not even sure why…what did I ever do? All I ever did was do my best, and try my hardest to be the best person I could be. And even through all of that, no one sees me, no one gets me, and no one truly likes me.

    At least that is how I feel about it right now.

    I could feel differently tomorrow….

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:51pm

  286. 286: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    AmazingMe,

    276 – “I will be forever changed but am scared to death I will never be able to open up and love like that again….**tears**”

    I feel sad reading that. I believe in the strength and resiliency of the human spirit, soul, and heart. You will love again, only more deeply, more trustingly.

    I am forever changed too, but I am determined to learn how to sing again in my heart.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:55pm

  287. 287: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    P.S., I still like VM. Dammit! lol. I thought I was over him. Big, stupid Jerk, that he is. I like the stupid guy. I liked him and I didn’t get to FINISH liking him. And he’s stupid for walking out on me. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid stupid. But you can’t stop the man from being stupid, can you? If he’s going to be stupid, he’s going to be stupid, and he’s going to do it big.

    Okay, there it is, I’m done now. Moving on.

    Next!

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:55pm

  288. 288: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Tiffany}}},

    285 – Happy Birthday! I feel sad reading your post, and I am sorry it felt sad and forlorn for you. I can relate to much of what you wrote.

    I choose to reject those thoughts in my strong moments as lies. Because what Dominique told me is that once we start on this journey of self awareness and inner healing, we can never go back. Even tho at moments we feel like we have regressed, it isn’t true. We have grown, and we continue to grow.

    Can you gently tell yourself, “Tiffany, you are beautiful!” We just have to reach deeper when we are the only ones to tell us what our golden hearts know is true.

    Hugs to you! B

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:01pm

  289. 289: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @285 hey Tiffany I am sorry you are feeling this way. I think my best advice is first you are never alone. Usually u can catch someone here to listen

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:02pm

  290. 290: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany,

    287 – what do you like about VM? Is it ok to still like him?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:03pm

  291. 291: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    just had some wine lil bit not a lot to help me sleep.

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:05pm

  292. 292: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I really would like to know how I fell into all this like a poor little crying and a big monster stands in front of her with teddy Which is her heart and laughs as he shows everyone he is destroying it….wow…

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:22pm

  293. 293: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    “I’m just a girl, I have a lot of feelings” – hmm I keep forgotting that one :P

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:43pm

  294. 294: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    It is amazing when one slumbers so does the rest of the US..Isn’;t it ironic? Don’t cha think?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:57pm

  295. 295: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #167 Jilly

    Yes I think I would like a Rugby man for myself, does he have a dad you could ship over to me? :D

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:51pm

  296. 296: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #188/190 Dominique

    I have tears in my eyes reading this thank you so much, it’s like you have seen into my soul.

    I am SCARED as hell. Each time one of these CD’s get close enough after a few messages to start talking phone numbers I clam up and get SCARED and want to run away and hide in my safe cosy little bird cage and invariably this is what I do, it’s not I CAN’T get dates it’s that I am not ALLOWING it to happen……….

    WTF is wrong with me?

    Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 11:57pm

  297. 297: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    So I look down at my girls and just noticed wow they lookin nice, then my heart sunk of why they may look like that. This is awesome to go through alone I mean geez I did crawl on top of myself and fertilize the egg…really..

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:06am

  298. 298: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #261 VW

    I am always open to feedback ESPECIALLY now I am facing up to my demons.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:07am

  299. 299: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Today I got smiles and gazes and attention from several guys – all towheads. I felt flattered, and – good. And I remembered there was time I felt indifferent and never attracted to guys with fair hair. I thought that could be because I am blond…
    After I started to work on my feelings I noticed myself to be attracted to such guys…
    I just thought could it be because I have been rejecting myself and even didn’t appreciate my appearance and rejected similar features in others and preferred not to notice them?..
    So – i am going to experiment and notice and appreciate my boy energy and use it for dating myself… and experiment – will it have any effect on my perception of men?.. sounds fun.. let’s see..
    Today I let myself receive from my b-energy a new make up brush and waxing and a good walk and a cup of coffee and lots of drinking water and compliments. And reminded me to leaned back and drop all my thoughts when my husband came home..
    I feel it’s important for me to encourage my boy to take care of me…. sometimes I find myself focusing helplessly on frustrating things rather than taking action and CDing and pleasing myself and DOING smth. that feels good just for myself… It feels usually so difficult to start and even scary.. I feel sure it will change one day..
    Love to you beautiful sirens. Love to (((me)))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:10am

  300. 300: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Actually the blog is the only place where I feel comfortable to express my love for myself (as yet) and not feel fear about being rejected or judged for that… feels weird.
    I feel short of breath.. feel invisible… feel scared of punishment.. how dare I..
    it’s okay ..Love to my breath.. Love to the air.. Love to my invisibility…
    Good-feeling, fluffy love to me and my breath and air and my invisibility and all my feelings.. I honor you all.. thank you … I love you. I hear you… It will be okay.. I am taking care of you feelings. I am taking care of me.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:21am

  301. 301: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Chickies…..

    quiet morning here on the blog and here at home..sun isn’t even up yet… but the frogs are peeping and the birds starting to sing……at 5:20am life is still……

    xo
    Aurora

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:21am

  302. 302: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    sitting with my morning coffee waiting for the sun….it’s like waiting for someone special to arrive…and knowing it will happen…wondering how it will happen ….through cloud? through this mist of rain that’s falling…..the sun will rise…..and will I remember that despite not being able to see it immediately….

    Going into the 9 month mark with my sweety….wondering how things will evolve……watching how when I think too far ahead I get anxious and trying to keep my feet in the here and now…..

    ..more like hear and know……lol

    feeling whimsical this morning…..~~~***~~~ good vibes to sirens all over the world…….

    xo
    Aurora

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:25am

  303. 303: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    trying to keep my feet on the ground……

    had an aha moment last night…..

    sweety was talking about his work and how he might like to relocate if the offer showed up….somewhere closer to me…(right now there is nothing in his line of work where I live) but also began to speculate about going somewhere exotic for a month to work if the chance came up for good money…..but then he noted that would be hard on us…..but also a chance to make some good money…..if it was worth it….etc..

    I felt strong in the conversation…though my anxiety wanted to have a field day,…..I just said….yes…that distance would be difficult for a month or two….and that I might be ok with it if it was time limited but not open ended. But I was able to tell him that he needed to be responsible about his decisions about work (ie I wasn’t going to tell him what to do) and that I would then consider what my options or decision would be…..and that it was good to keep that type of dialogue open but it was all speculation…..

    but I could still feel my anxiousness well up…

    and then I realized…

    Man! Men do a lot of thinking out loud sometimes…..so do women I suppose…but its’ all it was was thinking out loud….no real plans or offers are even on the table……but he is trying to reconcile the distance now as we get closer…..he’s starting to feel it….trying to problem solve it…..

    the aha was that I didn’t want to get pulled into being anxious over his thinking out loud…I chose not to consciously……

    I just need to let him have the space to do it and then let it go…..that I could be feminine in just letting him ramble and dream…..and not get caught up in it..I felt secure in myself…..I knew I’d be ok with or without him, though I would like to see “with him”

    it was like an “aha” moment…

    I love those! lol

    Aurora

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:38am

  304. 304: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting concept, life is still.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:58am

  305. 305: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    304 FW

    lol yes! well….that’s the illusion anyway…..that when all is quiet………..life is still

    and we might get fooled into thinking nothing’s happening…..

    and I kinda like those quiet moments…..

    but really tons is happening in the quiet…..!

    I just like how mother nature and the universe don’t need a lot of noise sometimes

    :)

    Aurora

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:03am

  306. 306: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder sometimes if I get anxious and nervous about the quiet so I get the feeling of urgency?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:23am

  307. 307: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Then I can’t just be. I have to do something. I have to create chaos to feel the excitem$ent of life. Do I have a belief that life shouldn’t be quiet?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:26am

  308. 308: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    lol wow it takes a lot of courage to process that FW! At least I feel that way….

    you know relationships can be that way too…if they feel too quiet or routine…we drum up drama to make them come alive again……lol if it ain’t moving it must be dead….lol…….

    I’m trying to stop and listen more…..and open the scope of what I take in……wonder more…..it sure helps with anxiety to wonder instead of worry…..

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:29am

  309. 309: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @260 Thanks, Starla!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:31am

  310. 310: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    same with time passing….if it takes too long (in our estimation) we get panicky….

    I’m trying to befriend time too….trust that time is also part of the quiet……that things are indeed happening under the radar……spring is easier to do that……so much germination takes place under ground beyond what I can see……

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:32am

  311. 311: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Aurora. I have been told I am a thinker. I have been called a worry wart. I have been told I worry too much. These things I am trying to change in myself through trust.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:36am

  312. 312: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yes I see the thinker in you too……in your posts anyway……a very well developed side in you….that’s awesome….

    I think we often come to a place where we start to look at those sides of us that have been waiting to grow….the feeling side wants to grow……that part of the radar that’s just been switched to off or “low” for years……when we give it some space to grow and be a part of our lives it just does!!!! it can be scary….but I too want to trust that it’s all good and will only enhance my life…..bring colour to it…….help me move through life even more ‘well informed ….lol….because now all systems are go…..

    xo

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:50am

  313. 313: lkNo Gravatar says:

    good morning : ) i’m liking feeling company now as i’m watching the bottom of the black turn brick-red & seep up yellow green like a bruise. ahhh a little Pain this morning & …….. some Terror….. but a lot of Beauty & Power too….

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:56am

  314. 314: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    My feeling side has been suppressed for so long because of fear of rejection and being misunderstood. That allowed the warrior to be fully grown. Strong enough to fight and protect so there was no need to open up and invite anyone to understand. No need to trust. I am safely hidden in my sanctuary.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:59am

  315. 315: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    FW maybe then the warrior isn’t fully grown…..without our feeling side we are only half way there….thinking only carries us so far……and can often distort things……..maybe the biggest courage of all comes from venturing into that feeling territory…..and befriending it once and for all. …realizing feeling is a twin flame to thinking and just as vital to a warrior…..strong clear mind but full open heart…….

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:06am

  316. 316: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    lk

    siren…..what are you speaking of…….?
    xo
    Aurora

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:07am

  317. 317: lkNo Gravatar says:

    aurora,

    the sunrise

    ….

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:16am

  318. 318: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #314 FW

    These could be my words.

    {{{{{ HUGS FW and SMB }}}}}

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:20am

  319. 319: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    lk

    Are you OK?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:21am

  320. 320: lkNo Gravatar says:

    gosh i feel alone. interested in My Life. scared & sensitive – tender – feeling exposed…. hmm & also very ….. Prove It sassy girl. like… today is not the day to cross me…. but, i won’t “hurt you” – it’s just not possible.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:21am

  321. 321: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Aurora, I love the stillness of the early morning too, it’s my favourite time of the day when the whole world is asleep and I am awake waiting for the sunrise (unless it’s raining lol).

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:23am

  322. 322: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    SMB

    Chickie!!!!!!!

    :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:25am

  323. 323: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #322 Aurora

    Good to see you and sweety are still getting along swimmingly. :D

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:28am

  324. 324: lkNo Gravatar says:

    thank you, silver moonbeam – i am ok.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:29am

  325. 325: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens!

    TGIF!!!

    Hi there Silver Moonbeam!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:47am

  326. 326: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    323 SMB

    oh major growing pains….bumps and hiccups for me no doubt…..always battling the nvs……but really really trying to stay clear minded and open hearted……he seems to be a good guy and I am having new experiences with him….he doesn’t get caught up in blame….he owns his own stuff….he lets me have my feelings and respects them….he’s not manipulative…..he’s reliable……he makes me feel like a princess/goddess/diva……he respects my children and they really like him and have connected and his family treats me well…..and 90% of the time I feel good with him….the other 10% is my anxiety and the bumps….

    …..I just keep moving….forward hopefully :)

    and dear Chickie how have you been?
    xo

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:49am

  327. 327: Memulo says:

    Good morning girls,

    Sorry it was very late last night when I got home and posted my news and I was afraid to wake up my parents. Thank you for your comments! I feel excited and relieved and trusting again and I can’t wait till Sunday ;)

    Needless to say that the first text I got last night was ‘Tonight?’ and of course I thought he meant it for someone else because it sounded like part of some other conversation LOL.. since Monday morning!!! I didn’t know what to say and then he called and said: ‘Sunday to Tuesday I am planning. My brother has a big party on Monday for work but he will have another one, so I am skipping it. What were you thinking to go to exile for a month??’ And then everything fell in its place ;)

    I have to thank Jilly, so lucky to read her post yesterday that she DID NOT say it’s ok for her guy to spend time with his friends, but instead accepted his invite to stay with her. I did not say: oh no worries, you better attend your brother’s event. I let him decide!!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:02am

  328. 328: Memulo says:

    Radlove,

    You felt like texting R that you miss him? I missed my guy too and bored everyone to death on the blog, but so glad I did not text him this. It felt amazing to be taken by surprise!!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:05am

  329. 329: Memulo says:

    And I want to say a special thank you to lk, I kept on saying to myself her words: ‘to trust the good man I am dating’. It may not have appeared as if I did lol, but believe me it would have been much worse without them!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:08am

  330. 330: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #326 Aurora

    Oh just hanging in there and trying to deal with my demons as per last night and Dominique’s reply to me, having a few aha moments along the way. I have stated on here that no man is stepping up for dates but that’s not true because the one’s who are stepping up (of course I am not wildly attracted to them) I am running away and hiding back in my bird cage and snuggling down in my little nest because it is safe and warm and cosy and nobody can hurt me, Daria says I have to stand on the little door and get outside, not fly, but make little bird steps but I am soooo DAMNED SCARED!!!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:17am

  331. 331: Memulo says:

    Angela #273,

    My guy wouldn’t respond to a card. He doesn’t even respond to emails with no questions ;) He still wants to be with me, it means nothing. People communicate very differently. He may even say like a month later – that your email with such and such info was really cool. He doesn’t acknowledge all my communications to me, but he processes them seriously.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:18am

  332. 332: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Daria wrote this to me last night, I keep thinking about it………….

    “Silver moonbeam – wow! Cool! That feels conforting.,. It reminds me of modern siren where Rori talks about The cage and how it’s comfy and way less scary than the world out there and it feels good to have it as a spot to hide.

    As a bird in the cage… We just kinda open the door… The crawl out and stand on top of it… Before flying – teleport – to a meadow

    Just flying right out might feel too scary
    “

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:19am

  333. 333: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    And you know everybody sees me as this strong, capable take charge kind of person which I can be in a work situation or dealing with life in general, but inside I am like a bowl of jelly when it comes to men.

    I am OK if I don’t find them attractive, you know like male colleagues or in general passing by, but if they are wanting to date me, I get scared and shut right down and scurry back to my little safe life.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:22am

  334. 334: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    lamabutterfly

    Was last night the event? How did things go?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:23am

  335. 335: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    And I had one email me this morning, very good looking decent type, but he said he was privately educated and was into fine arts, so I wrote back and told him I thought he was too posh for me!

    Because you know I am just from a humble working class background, I think your equivalent would be he is Ivy League class and I am blue collar………..dammit he had a house in London and a country cottage too, why wasn’t I born with a silver spoon in my mouth. ;)

    How could I be with a man like that, watching my p’s and q’s – I would have to pretend to be something I’m not and if I am one thing it is that I am real, I can’t be fake.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:26am

  336. 336: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Aurora & FW

    Great conversation going on. I can totally relate to 314. I am strong and will not let my feelings break me. I’m trying to not think and overanalyze so much and allow myself to feel. It’s not easy after hiding it for so many years.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:34am

  337. 337: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo

    Yay! I feel so happy for you. I’m glad he is coming for a visit. You must feel so relieved.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:39am

  338. 338: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Any more advice on 250? I’m going to respond shortly.

    Here it is:

    I emailed Mr. Observant asking him what beer he drinks so I can plan accordingly for my party. I know this is probably overfunctioning, but I like to be a good host and have what my guests enjoy (it’s not just him I do this for).

    Anyways, he responded about the beer and then asked, “How are you doing?”

    I replied, “I’m doing good. I’m feeling a little stressed over my final drawing for school, but that will be over come Monday. Thanks for asking.

    How about you?”

    He replied, “I would like to see your final drawing. I am sure you will get a good grade. You are going to do very well for yourself.”

    If you notice, he didn’t answer how he was.

    I want to reply something like, “You’re sweet. Thanks for the vote of confidence, it feels nice. Yes, you can see my final drawing. You didn’t say how you are, so how are you?”

    What do you think? Is that too pushy asking again? Should I just leave it be?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:46am

  339. 339: Memulo says:

    Giving Girl,

    Absolutely, I would not reply!! and let him have the last word.. and build some mystery ;)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:59am

  340. 340: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo

    I would feel rude not replying to let him know I appreciate his nice reply. Hmmm.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:07am

  341. 341: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam, sweetheart,

    Calm down, lovely. It’s okay. You have power, you just may not know it. Going out with a man doesn’t obligate you to spend the rest of your life with him!

    Tell yourself it’s a bit of fun, and of no consequence. I hope the ‘posh’ man laughs at your reply and continues to ask you out. You have nothing to lose. If he is too posh for you then you can be yourself. See the man, the human being, beyond his life circumstance and personal history.

    Every person on the planet is struggling with acceptance and rejection.
    Hold yourself and him under the umbrella of compassion!

    Dates are about having fun. For you! Yes, YOU!!!
    A man buzzes off a woman having fun in his company.

    Really, you have nothing to lose.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:13am

  342. 342: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Goodmorning sirens!

    I feel rushed this morning. Big day ahead.

    But I wanted to take a few minutes to spread the good vibes :)

    D has always been a “Yes” man. He had that disease to please, especially with his friends. The gf would always be the last on the list of Yeses…

    HE SAID A FIRM “NO” TO HIS VEEERRRY GOOD PAL’S INVITATION TO AN ALL-WEEKEND OUT-OF-TOWN HOCKEY TOURNAMENT !!! HIS LIFE PASSION !!! :D

    He was going to bring his dad to give him a good time and have some father-son bonding time.
    He had asked me a week ago if it bothered me if he went.
    I said I would feel so happy for him having that experience with his dad, and that I don’t want to be the controlling woman telling her man what to do bc it feels awful and tense.
    Then I started sharing about the cool stuff I could do on my own for that weekend, and he didn’t like it.

    So instead of being angry, resentful at what HE was doing without me, I shifted the focus on ME and what makes me feel good.

    And another issue: He apologized for having to work so much and being tired. He said he needed to work alot bc he needed the money for our upcoming trip.
    I said “wow, I’m going to feel sad not having you around with the work and the tournament. You’re spending habits are your business, but I don’t feel happy feeling neglected and alone in an imaginary relationship.”

    I let everything go and did not ask anything about his work or his tournament all week.
    Then he says to me yesterday “my friend called to confirm for the tournament, and I said no I’m not going :(

    I couldn’t believe my ears, I was stunned. I didn’t say anything in disbelief.
    I still proceeded with my plans to go to the movies with my gf.
    I’ve been feeling an overwhelming ‘aliveness’ :) and it radiates through my entire body and face. I even feel it in my voice.

    Wow! I feel so alert and energized! It feels OUT OF THIS WORLD AWESOME !!!

    ….and I’m sinking into that feeling too lol :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:14am

  343. 343: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Giving girl,

    Yep, leave it be. You have already displayed plenty of warmth and girl softness. He’s interested.
    Leave him some room now…

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:18am

  344. 344: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @341 April Rose

    I love your comment. So uplifting!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:19am

  345. 345: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    WOW!!! I still can’t believe he turned down a friend and his life passion…to cut down on spending for our trip and to be more available FOR ME !!!

    Dang I desserve it !!!

    I still feel that little “unworthiness” in the background feeding the little NV saying “you’re fooling yourself, it won’t last”.

    Well, guess what? The feeling is in the ‘background’ now, no longer center stage.
    The NV is faint and sounds like it’s coming from far, no longer on the loud speaker ‘in my face’.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:23am

  346. 346: Memulo says:

    Giving Girl,

    How about this: “Thanks for the vote of confidence, it feels nice.”

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:23am

  347. 347: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @343 April Rose

    Thank you. Yay, I feel happy by you saying “You have already displayed plenty of warmth and girl softness.” I’m trying really hard and it feels nice you can recognize this.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:23am

  348. 348: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I love me and so I want to give me the best life has to offer!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:24am

  349. 349: Memulo says:

    The main point is that I would not ask how he is doing;) No questions! Plus he already did not answer it once ;)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:24am

  350. 350: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @345 Lilibee

    You do deserve it!! :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:26am

  351. 351: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee,

    Dang! You deserve it.

    I see you giving your man a lot of space, purposefully.
    He must feel so emotionally safe in that.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:27am

  352. 352: Memulo says:

    Giving Girl

    I feel that you displayed A LOT of warmth already, 100% agree with April Rose. Plus I just don’t like to be the last one to text and try to avoid it . Like FW told me once: a man wants to give.. let him ;)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:29am

  353. 353: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #341 April Rose

    Thank you. :)

    I know I just don’t “get” it like some of you Sirens, I never has, I wonder why some have no troubles and lots of us struggle?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:34am

  354. 354: Memulo says:

    He asked yesterday if he will be staying in a hotel and I thought he was a bit surprised when I said yes.. I offered to help with the hotel and he asked what kind of help? I said booking it. He said it would be very helpful. So I booked it this morning and just texted him: ‘Our hotel is booked;)’

    I know it’s against the rules but I want to pay for the hotel. I feel that he is my guest and he is paying for the flight and I am sure we will go out.. not planning to pay for any of this. I am feeling more ‘independent’ this way.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:36am

  355. 355: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    never *have*

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:36am

  356. 356: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t see dates as being fun, I see them as being scary, WTH is this coming from?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:38am

  357. 357: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Memulo

    Questions are masculine?

    Can I whine right now and just say, “But, I want to know!!” LOL

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:38am

  358. 358: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Zara 265,

    Hi Zara! I’ve been missing you.

    Yes, my man is still married. He has to wait another year and a half for a simple divorce (based on a 5-year seperation). He says if he tries sooner, his wife’s agreement will be required and she will refuse to cooperate.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:39am

  359. 359: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee

    I am so happy everything is going so well for you and D.

    Is that a recent pic you have on your FB profile? You look sooo happy and GLOWY!!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:40am

  360. 360: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @352 Memulo

    Thank you :)

    Maybe I feel rude for not responding because I have a hard time just receiving? Hmmm.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:40am

  361. 361: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo

    I am so happy your man is stepping up too, when does he arrive?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:41am

  362. 362: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    So tell me why would one fight for a divorce like that? Is it money, greed, love? Wow that is interesting

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:43am

  363. 363: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, I find divorce laws here in the UK antiquated and ridiculous!! My friend is with a man now who is still “married” and it’s just crazy!!

    My divorce in Oz was granted on the grounds of irretrievable break down of the marriage, you just have to have been living a year apart and you are granted the decree nisi then after 1 month and 1 day you get the decree absolute.

    I don’t know why it’s so difficult here……..

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:44am

  364. 364: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I have some questions for you.

    *What do you imagine is the purpose of a date?
    *Have you ever had a bad experience on a date?
    *Is there something about the word ‘date’ which feels scarey?
    *How much time do you spend in the company of men who are not family members?
    *What is your favourite fun activity?

    Sorry about the quizzing, but I’d love to know the answers if you are willing.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:44am

  365. 365: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ Silver Moonbeam

    I don’t get it yet either. You’re not alone. ;)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:45am

  366. 366: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Forgive me….Good Morning Sirens :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:45am

  367. 367: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    328 – “You felt like texting R that you miss him? I missed my guy too and bored everyone to death on the blog, but so glad I did not text him this. It felt amazing to be taken by surprise!!”

    Yay! I feel happy for you!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:48am

  368. 368: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning, AmazingMe!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:49am

  369. 369: Memulo says:

    Giving Girl,

    He is probably ok if he is finding time to write to you;) Otherwise questions are leads, attempts to keep the conversation going and getting into his business.. and you don’t want to do any of that ;)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:55am

  370. 370: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    “I don’t see dates as being fun, I see them as being scary, WTH is this coming from?”

    More and more I am finding from my experience that feeling scared happens when I am in masculine energy.

    The antidote to fear is ‘strong surrender’, softening and opening.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:56am

  371. 371: Memulo says:

    SM,

    Thank you so much, I feel so warm to hear you are happy for me ;) We are planning for Sunday.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:57am

  372. 372: Memulo says:

    Thank you Radlove ;)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:58am

  373. 373: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    359:

    Hi SMB! :)

    That pic is from last early December.

    You I read your comments about you not ‘getting’ it…

    I finally starting shifting and ‘getting’ it when I did tapping with Margaret Lynch on Youtube a few times.
    I felt so skeptical and judgemental about it.
    But heck, I was so tired of feeling blah and stuck, I had nothing to lose so I tried it.
    I did the tapping specifically on “resistence”.
    Doesn’t matter if she’s talking about money or success in work, it’s all about resistance.

    Immediately after, I listened to Abraham Hicks videos on Youtube on resistance.

    Within a week or 2 I felt my ‘resistence’ melt away.
    I felt myself absorb all lessons more easily.
    I also felt is was easier to feel my feelings and it all started to flow through me instead of staying stuck like it used to.

    That was the turning point for me.

    Give it a whirl, you never know.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:03am

  374. 374: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @369 Memulo

    Right. I feel I’m sharing about me, but he’s not sharing about him and I also want to know about him.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:09am

  375. 375: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yayy LiliBee that sounds awesome.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:10am

  376. 376: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hiding a feeling of terror versus admitting it:

    One night, at an open mic music night that WM and I were running, EM arrived with his guitar. He sat down, looking agitated. He started looking right at me, giving me the full blast of his ‘dangerous eyes’.

    Then he began quietly threatening to make a scene in front of WM, stating that he was going to take me home that night.

    Each time I looked at him, he made a signal that made me feel more and more sick and scared.

    Eventually he took me aside and I couldn’t bear it anymore. I said “I feel sick. I feel terrified”.
    I had never admitted such a thing to a man (I judged such feelings as weak and I ket quiet).
    He was instantly engaged. I felt a connection was made. I felt a relief in him. It was as if he needed to be matched with emotion. I was then able to talk to him in a way I never had before, from my feelings and deeper darker parts of myself. He responded from a depth of himself.

    My trying to keep it together had only made him apply more pressure.

    I am convinced that a man needs a woman to be in her feelings. It nourishes him somewhere deep down in himself.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:13am

  377. 377: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @376 April Rose

    Thanks for sharing. I enjoy reading others stories and perceptions. It feels helpful in broadening things “outside of my own head.”

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:17am

  378. 378: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #364 April Rose

    OK I am up for it, I have to START somewhere!!

    *What do you imagine is the purpose of a date?

    Well according to RR & Byron Katie, it is all about me, me, me, and how it makes ME feel, not about how it makes THEM feel, I understand this intellectually.

    *Have you ever had a bad experience on a date?

    I haven’t had that many since my divorce in all honesty, mostly off dating sites to men I am not remotely attracted to when I meet them in real life, probably not even attracted much by their profile but I go along with it HOPING. Actually I am not really attracted to that many men in real life either. (Wow!)

    *Is there something about the word ‘date’ which feels scarey?

    Yes that I have to perform and not be myself.

    *How much time do you spend in the company of men who are not family members?

    As friends? None. In my working life only men in their 70′s and 80′s and you know this is one of my fears at the age of 58 I don’t want to end up as some man’s nursemaid, this is probably why I am attracted to younger men, though I never used to be.

    *What is your favourite fun activity?

    Sight seeing in this country.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:21am

  379. 379: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I just read this article about the fear of dating and I’m going to post it below. I like how she talks about the fear is coming from feeling out of control. She then talks about that you can control the process (stuff that has to do with you), but not the person. Hope this helps in some way:

    How To Turn Your Fear of Dating Into A Fun Date
    by Bobbi Palmer
    When you think of a date – especially online dating – do you feel any fear? Do you get even a tiny twinge of terror?
    If your answer is “yes,” you are not alone. In fact, I think you’re among the majority.
    The women I’m coaching often tell me about situations they describe as “scary.” Here are some examples:
    * He wants to meet in person after just one email.
    * He asked her where she lived.
    * He’s beginning to get touchier and seems to want sex; she likes him but is not ready.
    * He texted her with a question loaded with sexual innuendo.
    I get it. When I was dating, some of this scared me, too. I remember thinking “Crap! What do I do?” and feeling super uncomfortable.
    Now, as an amazingly happily married woman, I can look back and see that I actually felt fear. Real, physical fear. And now I know why:
    Because I Felt Out Of Control On The Date
    In these situations I felt like I was not in charge. I felt somewhat powerless. That was definitely not a place where I was at all happy.
    So I learned to take control of the process. That’s what I teach my clients, and I recommend you do that as well.
    Note what I said: Take control of the process. I didn’t say the people or the relationships. You have no control over what other people do, but you have 100% control over what you do, right?
    Here Are A Few Ways To Get That Control On A Date:
    * Know and honor yourself.
    * Be clear about what you want in a man and a relationship, and do not compromise on your must-haves.
    * Visualize and/or plan how you would like to meet, date and relate with men.
    * Establish your boundaries and stick to them.
    * Learn how to communicate your boundaries and essential needs.
    * Be ready to leave if, after clear and kind communication, he does not agree to meet your needs.
    * Respect the men you meet and treat them kindly – and expect the same in return.
    If these are not in your current dating repertoire, I encourage you to commit to doing what it takes to get there. You will most likely need to do some honest self-reflection and make a renewed commitment to learning and growing.
    The payoff is gigantic. You will become more open to meeting men, feel more relaxed when you are with them, and make much better choices in the men you choose to spend time with. Men – at least the good guys – will respect you for knowing what you want and taking care of yourself.
    That’s all good stuff, but here is the most important part: You will feel an incredible love and respect for yourself.
    This is about taking care of yourself and realizing you can date the way you want to date. Again, you can’t (and don’t want to) control other people, but you can absolutely control the most significant elements of your experience.
    You are a smart, in control, magnificent woman. You don’t have to be afraid.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:23am

  380. 380: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #373 LiliBee

    Thank you I often hear you and Daria talk about Margaret Lynch, I will give it a go, I did do a one day course quite a few years ago on EFT and had all the stuff printed out but like most things I let them slip away, I have a short attention span seemingly.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:23am

  381. 381: AngelaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi
    #273 Memulo,

    Thank you for your comment. You’re so right my guy does seriously process everything so you make a lot of sense. I’m so used to how we used to be b4 I broke up with him; responding to anything I did I’m not used to him not responding to me. I miss what we had even though I know what I did wrong in our past relationship.
    Its crazy because once I saw what I had written last night on the blog and pressed the submit comment button. I realized that I’m just overthnking his actions and to just relax and CD and let him row the boat.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:25am

  382. 382: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    BRB

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:25am

  383. 383: Memulo says:

    Giving Girl #374,

    But that is exactly what he should be doing.. a good guy who is really interested will make it ALL about you. See, even he is trying to put the focus on you ;) All you have to do is not to resist lol

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:30am

  384. 384: Memulo says:

    OMG my English is really confusing.. To my text ‘our hotel is booked;)’ he responded an hour later saying he first read it as if the hotel was sold out. Only later he understood.

    I was trying not to sound ‘too masculine’ in saying: I booked the hotel hence my text lol

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:35am

  385. 385: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @379 T-Girl

    Thanks for sharing.

    I agree with the whole lack of control concept. That’s a biggie for me. I like to be in the know too. I feel uncomfortable with uncertainty and lack of control. I guess that’s probably why I was never interested in drugs or excessive drinking because that would cause me to lose control. I always like to drive myself places, as opposed to riding with others, so I have my own way of exiting if I feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel I try to control others, though, I like to control myself. I’m very deliberate and think everything through to the point of exhaustion.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:37am

  386. 386: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Love Always 247,

    Thank you so much. Such beautiful feeling messages. I will include them in my letter. So lovely of you. Thanks.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:42am

  387. 387: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @383 Memulo

    “But that is exactly what he should be doing.. a good guy who is really interested will make it ALL about you. See, even he is trying to put the focus on you ;) All you have to do is not to resist lol”

    Haha…ok, light bulb moment. So, he’s supposed to do that? I’ve never experienced this before, a guy making things all about me. Hmmm. I feel uncomfortable being all about me. I feel uncomfortable being in the spot light. I don’t know how to go with it and not resist. How am I supposed to learn about him and have him share himself with me, if it’s supposed to be all about me?

    Wow, I don’t know what to do with this.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:43am

  388. 388: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @384 Memulo

    I understood what you meant. I think he just read it wrong. If the hotel was sold out, you wouldn’t have put a ;)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:45am

  389. 389: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    No one has ever made anything ALL about me. I don’t know how to deal with someone making it ALL about me. I feel guilty and a need to deflect.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:47am

  390. 390: Memulo says:

    Giving Girl,

    I think we are all here learning to receive. I sure am!

    How will you learn about him – don’t you feel that you are learning by the way he treats you? Does it make you feel good, cared for, adored? Sure you can ask questions about him if you feel curious, but does it have to be this moment? When you are busy receiving lol

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:48am

  391. 391: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    387 Giving Girl,

    I can totally relate with you on this one. I had never had a guy make it all about me until J. But I think that is because I was constantly in my boy energy and with J I finally let my girl out. It was very uncomfortable for me but I feel so different and so much better now that she is out.

    Let your girl out :) You can still learn about him by listening at level 2.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:52am

  392. 392: Memulo says:

    #388 Thank you ;)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:55am

  393. 393: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Question 1. What is the Purpose of a date?

    Let’s investigate!! Let’s create.
    What if you could MAKE IT UP! Yes. Create this purpose for yourself.

    Here are a few things I’ll throw in (to get to the root of your judgements/beliefs that may be blocking you) and to get your juices rolling;

    to have fun (too vague)
    to do an audition for a man to see if he likes me (hmmm, not very Rori)
    to audition a man to see if I like him (who do I think I am?)
    to practice smiling at another human, who happens to be a male human (fine, for a five-second date)
    to practice letting go of control (aaagh, put me back in my cage NOW)
    to do a survey of the quality of coffee and chocolate cake in all the cafes in my area (that’s more like it)
    to have free counselling and unburden my fears to a stranger who I may never see again (Hmmm….)
    to unburden myself to someone I may like to see again (whoaa…..steady…)
    to step into the unknown (WHAT!!!!)
    to do it for the hell of it (Yeehah!)
    to do it cos if I don’t I’ll always wonder if I missed out…
    to do it because I have a genuine interest in getting to know another person (Aaagh… Other people have ISSUES!!!!!)
    to be able to tell funny/embarassing/painful/hopeful stories on the blog (yeah, my sisters would be entertained, and they’re rooting for me I can feel it)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:03am

  394. 394: Stunning LoveNo Gravatar says:

    My most recent situation has been extremely upsetting to me. My ex and i work at the same facility. I have (with help) determined that he wants to keep me in the friend zone. The other day he brought it to my attention he is seeing a new woman who also works at our facility. I wasn’t very understanding. I told him I thought it was very selfish and am angry it is going to be thrown in my face.
    Now I see them together all the time going on break when having lunch… All of the things he and i did for a year and a half.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:05am

  395. 395: Stunning LoveNo Gravatar says:

    Now I’m stuck figuring out how to deal with this situation. Any suggestions?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:06am

  396. 396: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @390 Memulo

    Yes, I am learning about him through observation. I would feel happy if he would tell me things too. For example, at that party, he asked me what I like to do for fun. So, I said some things and then (the only question I asked him the whole evening) I asked, how about you? He brought it back to the things I said I liked to do for fun and said, yea, that is fun, or I would like that, to everything. He didn’t give his own.

    Yes, I do feel good about it. I feel he is interested, he’s being supportive and positive. I find myself thinking, “who is this guy?” In a good way!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:07am

  397. 397: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @391 T-Girl

    How did you let your girl out? I feel I need help.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:08am

  398. 398: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    lilibee,

    that’s awesome!!!

    how long did you lean back with him before things got good? a month? i’m trying to remember…

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:10am

  399. 399: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    397 Giving Girl, I let her out by basically following Rori’s tools. Unzip your heart, lean back, let the waterwheel come towards you. Use feeling messages (which I admit are still hard for me). Let him give to you and be open to receive and when you do receive be appreciative. I also started wearing more dresses and taking care of myself and not feeling guilty about spending money on pedicures and massages because I am worth it.

    Do you have Rori’s E-book?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:16am

  400. 400: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Whooooo. THank you. Thank you, period, for arriving – FINALLY! lol

    I guess that’s why I was so cranked out yesterday. I always feel the most anxiety right before it starts, and then when it gets here – the moment it starts – it’s like Whooosh! It all goes out of me. I feel relaxed again. I feel I can concentrate on my body.

    And this time, I took a couple of Advil, and that really helped with the cramps. Maybe I thought it was “wussy” to take medicine the last couple of months, but ya know what? It’s a small little thing, and it stops me from writhing in agonizing pain. Is that such a bad thing?? lol

    I started wondering if I would actually ever want an epidural during labor, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I want to at least try natural childbirth, and if something goes wrong, or it’s not the way I planned, then I guess I’ll be open to a different possibility…

    Anyway, I had a sweet conversation with a man yesterday about kids and how much I really want them. And it felt good to speak my truth. He’s a good listener. And he said that he doesn’t especially want kids, but that he could adjust that if he was with someone to whom that was really important. I didn’t necessarily think “Oh, that’s me.” I don’t know that that guy is my perfect partner. Although, we are doing a professional trade, and while giving him a massage, I nicknamed him “Mr. Perfect” in my mind, because his body reminded me of the “Mr. Perfect” that we had on our wall in the massage school to show the different muscles. Teehee! (I didn’t tell him about his nickname ; )

    And then a friend’s ex, who I met at her birthday party, has started writing me long emails on Facebook. I barely know him. But he saw me holding their friend’s baby at the party. That was one really cute baby! She was drooling all over my knee. Lol.

    Anyway, I feel soooo much better. The guy who bailed on my birthday party responded to my message that maybe we could talk on the phone instead. I feel forgiving and generous. I don’t want to make anyone feel bad for not coming. That isn’t very nice, and I wouldn’t want that from someone else – especially since I have in no way made it to all of my friend’s birthday parties in the past year or so. So I’ll take what I can get, in terms of people showing up.

    And I’ll get to meet some people for dancing tonight, and it will be SO much fun. And then tomorrow, delicious food for dinner, and I’ll be wearing my tiara, and I will not care or think about anything bad, or anything that I don’t have – because I will be filled with what I DO have. And it will be so great.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:26am

  401. 401: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @393 April Rose

    Some of those made me laugh. My purpose of a date is to get to know him, see how I feel around him and to have fun.

    I had a couple dates with this one man when I was in college and every time we went out, I couldn’t eat. I felt like I was going to vomit on my food. He probably thought I had a eating disorder, but I saw that as a bad sign. I need to be able to eat in front of him!! :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:28am

  402. 402: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, and by “it” I meant the emotional stress – not the other stuff. Although that comes out of me, too. But it takes a bit longer ; ) Heck, whatever. I guess they kind of go together….haha

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:29am

  403. 403: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Angela, I feel curious how you guys got back in touch after you broke up?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:30am

  404. 404: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @Stunning Love

    I feel bad you have to deal with this at work. I know it is difficult. I also dated a guy a worked with and it was hard after we broke up. I didn’t have to deal with a new girl at work too though.

    Just do your best to keep away from them. If need be change up your routine so you don’t see them leaving for breaks…maybe that could be your bathroom break.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:33am

  405. 405: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @399 T-Girl

    Thank you. Yes, I have Rori’s ebook. I’ve read it once, but I need to read it again. I’ve also bought a couple of skirts to feel more feminine. I tend to give myself pedicures because of cost, but was thinking of getting one since they seem to last much longer than mine. I’ve never had a massage.

    After reading what you wrote, I feel I should at least say thank you to his positive, supportive email.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:36am

  406. 406: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    405 Giving Girl,

    I’m sorry that I haven’t read your situation and am not sure what the e-mail was about, but if you do respond use feeling messages like “It feels so good to read…”

    Do you have a Ross store? They have great summer dresses for cheap! I just bought some for less than $12 each.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:40am

  407. 407: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    soooooooo yeah i’d really like CF to come back!
    wtf, hurry up, buddy!
    lol

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:41am

  408. 408: Stunning LoveNo Gravatar says:

    Well actually this is the second time since we broke up that he has had a “feeling like this” so I’m just annoyed. I have been changing things up but somehow I run into them. Interestingly he has tried to speak to me. I just continue looking forward and say nothing. I’m tired of him telling me he loves me but when he finds interest somewhere else he claims he’s not IN love…. I blocked his messages and blocked him on FB. Now.I need to figure out how to deal with this stuff.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:46am

  409. 409: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning ladies!

    I went out to meet a man (first meeting)
    last night. We’d been corresponding for weeks.
    He’s a professional (mental health) and seems like a good person and understanding. Like he walks his talk.

    I felt very comfortable, safe and had fun.
    He did do a lot of things to ‘take care’ of me, and he called me to see that I got home OK.

    I didn’t feel a lot of chemistry, really. I am OK with that, though, because I am still learning about how
    that is working for me as I get older here. I know I have a healthy libido. I feel comfortable with going out with someone again who I didn’t feel dazzled by
    initially.

    I have a feeling a lot of them look for that, though, for that huge spark, on the first meeting, like they want to feel that I am very attracted to them, but I’m not going to invest in that belief.

    I wasn’t judgmental about him except for the fact that he mostly did not look at me when he talked,
    he looked into the distance.

    He looked very interested and intent when I told him what my goals were in on-line dating…to get
    into a relationship headed towards commitment.

    It seems to work for me putting it right out there because I don’t want to feel like I am putting them off by being on the dating sites the next day.

    but maybe that is overfunctioning ?

    There is one I am meeting tomorrow who is
    definitely an alpha male and I get the sense he
    is pretty controlling, so this will be interesting
    and a great challenge to practice feeling messages
    and sticking to my boundaries!

    Have a great day and weekend, everyone !

    :)
    light heart

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:49am

  410. 410: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, LOL
    my immediate thought to say to you, is,

    at this point, get yourself on a dating site and start talking to and going out with many different guys, so you stop thinking so much about CF

    it has helped me so much with that as it relates to my x, because there were feelings there with a lack of closure for me and many thoughts spinning = overfunctioning.

    Although… I did have a setback because I am so, so certain that he pulled a stunt recently and posed as someone else on the site we met on in order to feel me out about where I’m at emotionally, and make contact with me. I’m so happy I didn’t say much and stuck to feeling messages.

    anyway, baby girl, just some unsolicited advice from me to you

    :)
    light heart

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:57am

  411. 411: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Vi – i feel great to know you want to use my tool… feel free to use any of my tools i feel honored :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:58am

  412. 412: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Daria, since you’re here,
    I wanted to say, I really like what you wrote on the previous post about really getting into exploring in this life what it’s like to be fully in the feminine
    I feel a lot of agreement with that

    :)
    light heart

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:01am

  413. 413: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t wanna date yet:(
    Today I actually feel more normal than ever. In time, I will date. I have my side business and school to focus on for the next few days.

    I did finally start to notice men out and about and feel attracted to them. So that’s very promising!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:03am

  414. 414: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    406: T-Girl

    The email is comment 338 if you wanted to read it. I thought of responding, “Thank you for the vote of confidence, it feels nice.”

    Yes, I do have a ROSS near me. I haven’t shopped there yet. I will have to go check that out!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:03am

  415. 415: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    That sounds good Starla.

    I know without a doubt that you know what’s good for you.

    Making myself date even though I wasn’t really feeling it, was good for me to stop the over-thinking and continue on my horse on my bridge.

    :)
    light heart

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:07am

  416. 416: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    light heart, i wouldn’t mind a few coffee dates with various guys, but I feel weird about dating when I KNOW I’m not available for a relationship right now.

    I just need to focus on me right now. I spent most this week totally bummed and not really moving in the direction I’d like to be moving because it exhausted me. I’d like to take better care of myself and my home before I get involved with another man.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:11am

  417. 417: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i feel super-distracted at work today.

    there is an event today that i have to attend that guy who is angry at me might also be attending. part of feels really eager to see him, part of me is afraid of how i will react if he doesn’t show up.

    i intend to drop into my pelvis, cd other guys there, and feel whatever i am feeling.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:11am

  418. 418: sorayaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,
    I wanted to write you about my situation, I don’t normally air my private life but I am at a point where I need some help. I have been in a 2 year relationship with a man that is hot and cold. I have been through so much disappointment and hurt with this man, but for some reason I am crazy about him. I just recently told him I had had enough and to leave me alone. I still miss him and wish I could run to him, but I want more than he is willing to give me. When I first met him he pursued the heck out of me and I was not that into him, I finally fell for him and he immediately changed from calling me and messaging me 20 times a day to maybe 1 call or none. That really crushed me and I put up with it for a while. Finally I got angry and stopped talking to him. He apologized and came back and did the same thing again twice. He claims he more than cares for me but that he is not sure about “Love.” The funny thing is I feel he does love me and I could see it in his eyes, but his actions speak louder than words. his friends think he is an idiot, and I guess I feel the same way. He goes to gatherings and does not invite me even though his friends bring their wives and girlfriends, that is really painful for me. Rori when I am with him he gives me his undivided attention, and our chemistry is perfect. I have decided to try and date others like you advise but when I think of another man I just want to cry. I am 49 years old and get asked out quite often, he is 51. I feel afraid that I will keep going on this merry-go-round. I want to be happy and in a committed relationship. I want him back but will not settle for anything less than what I want. Rori please help me.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:13am

  419. 419: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Stunning Love it is in situations like those that Rori encourages us to bring out our Rockstar Diva. Maybe if you read through the Power and Self-Esteem category to the right of the blog you might find info to help you.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:15am

  420. 420: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I guess I’m not really ready to move on. I feel glad that I have been living my life in a moved-on way so that when I am emotionally ready, I’ll have this fabulous life to step fully into.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:18am

  421. 421: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I feel empathy with how you feel.

    I think even just those few coffee dates with various guys who you could just feel curious about what gifts are they bringing me, would be good, like really actually waterwheeling male energy/interest towards you and changing up your vibe some, as it relates to CF.

    All told, I know you are really doing great! and I feel thankful that you are sharing your process with us. it is very inspiring!

    :)
    light heart

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:20am

  422. 422: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((light heart)))))))) thank you
    you’re so right.

    so tired of feeling adrift at sea
    also knowing i need to just sink in and feel adrift.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:23am

  423. 423: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    my goodness, right now I am feeling so tender in my hear towards all of us, and amazed by the strength and courage we have to really feel all of our feelings, and be open and vulnerable, i am moved to tears, good tears of joy

    :)
    light heart

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:28am

  424. 424: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    that is, ‘heart’ :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:28am

  425. 425: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Comment 409 made me think about how Mr. Observant was taking care of me at the last party and I didn’t even realize it as that.

    I had my gift for my friend and there wasn’t a gift table. Someone decided to create one and he offered to take my gift over to the table. He ended up taking a bunch of gifts over there, but he only offered me, the rest asked him.

    I was getting money out to buy a drink and he told me to use the money that was sitting there on the bar. He told me twice!

    Everyone was excited about my gift. I drew a portrait of her daughter and someone must have told people before I got there cause everyone was talking about it. I told him how I needed to tell my friend to open my gift before I left. He said, you want to go over there now and have her open it? So I agreed and then he went and got the gift from the table and was acting all excited about my gift, it was cute.

    He was hovering the whole night.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:47am

  426. 426: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “As you become more aware of when you’re shutting down – and what makes you want to go away from a man and what makes you want to be all over him – you’ll start to catch the tricks of chemistry and instead make a determination to BUILD chemistry with a man who’s ABLE, WILLING – and LOVES you!”

    I woke up this morning with warmer air in my heart!
    Resentment and closing weren’t my default mode. After so many days feeling shut down and resistant, this was a huge relief.

    I was able to melt into WM when he hugged me.
    I actually felt surprised at my own openness!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:59am

  427. 427: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    It felt good hugging him. Like nestling into the warm fur of a cuddly bear.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:00am

  428. 428: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Safe, protected, enfolded, warm.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:01am

  429. 429: AngelaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi,

    #273 Starla,

    We got back in touch because even though we were broken up he never stopped contacting me. I asked him not to call 3-4 months after the break up because he wasn’t honoring my wishes to break up. So he would just text once in a while until sometime in March I decided to return a text that he’d sent. Since then we’ve been communicating but not like how we used to. Btw….I broke it off because he wouldn’t commit by moving closer or to marriage. He always had excuses not to.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:06am

  430. 430: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i crave hugs and cuddles big time
    like addictively

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:15am

  431. 431: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose and T-Girl I just want to thank you for the help you have been giving me today.

    I now seem to have all these potential CD’s lined up on my new dating site, OKC, and I know I have to start SOMEWHERE, so Sirens I may need your help here as I dip my toe into the dating pond………..if anybody could even help me with how to respond that would feel great.

    Namaste

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:26am

  432. 432: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and one man I will call him IrishCD has a minimal profile and a really fuzzy photo so I can’t see what he looks like and he looks pretty overweight, how do I approach that?

    His opening message to me was, “Let’s grab a coffee and I’m paying!!”

    A bit better than “Hi how r u?”

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:28am

  433. 433: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SMB – I feel open to having coffee with you

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:31am

  434. 434: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i have a belief that i am ugly and i need to be with a gorgeous man to make up for it.

    oh my god! what??

    where did i learn this?

    wow. i feel so sad i have been dragging this negative belief around. i feel lighter.

    i have been trying to be beautiful by osmosis.

    does this make any sense to anyone else?

    i feel shocked that i believed this deep inside since i was a teenager.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:34am

  435. 435: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Starks, I do to. Tight hugs!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:37am

  436. 436: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, I love hugs too.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:42am

  437. 437: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Soraya,

    Welcome! Solution = Circular Date

    It’s in rori’s. Programs.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:43am

  438. 438: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t feel brave or strong enough to turn my back on pining for CF. I feel energetically stuck with him.

    I feel scared to unwrap my energy and disconnect from him. Like then I will lose him forever.

    But I hear the best way to get a man to come to you is to turn your energy fully away.

    So I’m confused.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:50am

  439. 439: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    4. And here is where another crucial piece comes in. I don’t want you to harbor expectations, not when you’re looking for a man and not when you are with him. Thinking a man falls short because of specifics you have imagined you want may very well BLIND YOU to the possibility that your brand of knight in shining armor may already be in your presence.

    Or you likely won’t recognize him as a potential one when he does show up.

    If you are in a relationship, carrying this kind of expectant energy will feel awful for all involved. You will feel unsatisfied. He will feel pressure. No one feels good let alone blissfully head over heels and basking in the warmth and glow of true and abiding LOVE, your own and his.

    Releasing your expectations, changing your thoughts about a man, shifting your energy around him, expands YOU, opens YOU to possibility. And this can be very exciting.

    If he’s the man FOR YOU, this may very well be the relief and the release he needs to feel comfortable with you and to confirm what he may already know deep inside yet has hesitated because of the discord or disconnect, the uneasiness, the pressure. You really ARE his one and only woman

    http://sexandheart.com/how-to-get-your-man-back

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:55am

  440. 440: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I’m practicing CDing w a man at the Laundromat. Smiling and eye contact. Now I’m glad I put my hair up! ;-)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:59am

  441. 441: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i’m gonna go to the gym for a lunch workout and maybe i’ll feel more empowered after:)
    be back soon.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:59am

  442. 442: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @437 aww well Starla be confused no more!! You are letting yourself be confused so control it and turn it around. Walk away and I am living proof yes it may be hard and i guarentee you will have to do it again and again in your life. What I like about it I am contolling me and my actions. It feels good to walk away when somrthing is not good for you. It gets easier and easier and finally u will see the only people coming back to u will be good people. People that really love you. This is a flawless system :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:02am

  443. 443: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    2987: Barbara says:

    Hi Rori,
    I have only just discovered your wonderful programs and tools and am very excited about them. I’m a newbie at the programs and also very rusty at dating having cut myself off from that world for nearly 12 years. I recently met a man and we are very attracted to each other. We are just having fun at this point. Unfortunately I believe he may have heard me say to my friend that I “love him”, I didn’t mean it literally, it was a figure of speech – as in he’s so cool. The next time I saw him he acted a bit different but was just as eager to “make out” and then stopped and said “I really love seeing you but I don’t want a relationship right now (short pause) at this time, and I don’t want you to get hurt”. To which I quickly replied that I didn’t want a relationship either…at this time. He asked if we could keep what we have going. It seems that he assumes (correctly) I’m not going to go any further with him without a relationship and that he’s just asking for permission to keep whatever intimacy we have so far (just slightly too much) in a holding pattern. Without thinking I said yes, although I knew from your book and modern siren that I should have handled it differently. A) Is it too late to recover? B) Should I let him know that I didn’t mean to say “love” or should I just not mention it at all? I truly did just want to take one moment at a time with him, I am honestly not thinking of a future with him already, in fact, I don’t believe I’m anywhere near ready for a relationship. I’d just really like to reset, I feel like I wish I could start over from square one. I wish I had started your programs sooner so that I could have been better prepared for him when he came along. : )

    2989: Rori Raye says:

    Barbara – This is a dangerous game you’re playing with YOURSELF. I don’t believe you don’t want a “relationship” with him – otherwise you wouldn’t be this concerned about it all – you’d just go “whatever.” The worst thing you can ever do is pretend you don’t feel what you feel or want what you want. And the only way to work this “dating” him is to be dating lots of other men AT THE SAME TIME!!! It’s the only way you might even half believe what you say. Circular Date. Targeting Mr. Right program. You need experience dating to understand in your bones what’s going on here. You don’t have to say anything if you’re dating other men – that’s the beauty of it – and you CAN’T be exclusive with a man who SAYS he doesn’t want t relationship. Love, Rori

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:04am

  444. 444: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes I cannot believe that I ever accepted such bad behavior by any man . Now that the last has been put on the horse I never let the noobies even so much as make one wrong comment.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:07am

  445. 445: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Also 2 have given me their phone number to call them how do I do the you call me thing without looking like a complete nitwit and without referring to myself as “I’m just a girl here?”

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:17am

  446. 446: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (tapping link removed by request)

    Just one more quick reminder that the 2012 Tapping World Summit starts in just 3 days. This is your last chance to register for this 100% fr*ee online event before it starts.

    Over 500,000 people are registered for the event already, and I recommend that you do too! Join 20 of the World’s leading EFT and Tapping Experts in this FREE Online Event as They Show you Step by Step How to Improve Your Finances, Health, Emotions and Much More…

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:18am

  447. 447: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Help!

    What do I say to a CD who recently reemerged? We chatted on chat and exchanged texts and a few phone calls in feb. and they he went away on vacation to europe.
    he called me the other night to say he is back and he seems so nice, but i can’t understand what his name is and all our messages are erased on pof….how do i figure out his name? we have a date on sat night to go for a walk downtown….
    lol what would be a good sireny statement to get him to say his name over to me…..he is from bosnia or eastern europe or something and is very cute and his is late 30′s/early forties….

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:19am

  448. 448: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #432 FW

    So I don’t ask for a better photo or worry about what he looks like? I don’t mind a few pounds overweight, hell I could do with losing a few myself but I am not into obese men, apologies if this causes offence to anybody on here.

    He has almost nothing on his profile except his height and age and he is Irish and recently moved to London……..

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:20am

  449. 449: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am an old fashioned girl, I feel more comfortable with men calling. It feels unromantic when I initiate calls.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:20am

  450. 450: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SMB you are looking to date to see how you feel with the experience. Forget looking for a life partner.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:22am

  451. 451: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #448 FW

    Do I have to specifically use the word “girl” is there another alternative for women in their 50′s?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:25am

  452. 452: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    HW – I would assume his name is not the everyday Mike or Tom as such “I feel silly and embarassed bringing this up but I have forgotten your name”. It shows you have a busy life with a lot of things going on to remember a guy who poofed so many moons ago. Who knows, he might have dropped off the planet.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:25am

  453. 453: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #449 FW

    See this is the bit I keep forgetting about CD’ing, I just can’t get my head around it……….sorry for being a pain.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:26am

  454. 454: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SMB I am 51 I use girl. Just yesterday a 54 year old man called me “a girl”.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:26am

  455. 455: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #446 HW

    He may be your very own version of that staring guy you like. :D

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:27am

  456. 456: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    FW I am 59 (gulp) in a few weeks, it just seems too silly, maybe it’s a British thing??

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:28am

  457. 457: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @445 I’m already registered :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:28am

  458. 458: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Stop judging yourself as old SMB. There is a little girl in there who wants to come out a play. Their little boy want to see her.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:29am

  459. 459: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Ugh, I sort of had to have the no girlfriend speech with So Ready last night. HE says he wants to take things slow, but he keeps talking about a future, wanting to know if I’m dating anyone else…. if I’ll continue to date other men while getting to know him. We aren’t being intimate.. it’s only been 2 freaking dates, and I know my lack of calling/texting/ etc. is different for him…. but I do like him. I’m just not anywhere near ready to commit to one man. I’m not in love with him, we aren’t sleeping togehter, and while it’s fun planning dates and I enjoy seeing him… it’s long distance, so it happens slowly.

    I feel the need to call or text and explain myself. To remind him that I do like him, just am looking for the relationship I want, and that takes time. I won’t though. I’ll lean back.

    The funny thing is, this is probably the guy I wouldn’t have to lean back with, who would love for me to shower him with attention, he already asked me if I want a commitment…. I wonder if it works this way. When they like us more, we don’t want that. When we are so into them, it’s so hard to lean back. Hmm.

    C was supposed to come in this weekend, but lost his wallet, so isn’t sure if he’s coming. I don’t know if the universe is trying to tell me something here…. but curious to see how it all plays out.

    Hugs to you! Off to get a manicure instead of a facial, my nails are a mess!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:46am

  460. 460: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #445 FW

    I can’t find the free bit of this tapping thing, all I can find are packages way out of my budget. :(

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:49am

  461. 461: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Well I may be outta my league here but I am 32 and they say you are only as old as u feel. :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:52am

  462. 462: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    just talking to a woman at work about her marriage. she was dating a bunch of guys at once for years (naturally cding!) and when she met her guy he said. i want to get married. i want you. no other guys.

    this is exactly what i needed to hear as i try to get over guy who is angry at me!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:52am

  463. 463: Stunning LoveNo Gravatar says:

    I’m shifting my thinking every day i come to work at least one person (but usually at least five people) tell me how beautiful I look. I’ve been spending time focusing on me and finding my inner self. I have been working out again more regularly and am loving the compliments. I actually feel beautiful. I love that my outside is reflecting the woman I am on the inside. :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:54am

  464. 464: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sirens!!!!!!!!!!!!

    How is everyone – so sorry have been on overload.

    A few things in this post triggered me (I just glanced at it) and I want to open up and share with you once I fully read it and see if they still trigger me.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:05pm

  465. 465: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    SIlver Moonbeam – #296 – There is NOTHING wrong with you. Fear can be a powerful motivator, and we all feel. We all fear deep intimacy and for many reasons.

    Sometimes the intensity can feel overwhelming. Sometimes you may feel like you could drown in it. Or lose yourself. Sometimes the fear is about the potential pain which may come to be, eg. what if he leaves, rejects or abandons you for whatever reason, death is one of them.

    And the thought of feeling such depth with someone only to have it taken away can feel more terrifying than being alone.

    But anticipating pain is not useful. It may never happen. And even if it does, your heart will still have experienced something wonderful. How beautiful is that.

    Releasing your fears requires trust, mostly in yourself but also in the universe or your higher power or however you look at this.

    When you take a step out over an abyss (i.e.the great unknown), believe with all you have that there will be something there to support you. You won’t fall.

    xxoo

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:08pm

  466. 466: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Re #438: “4. And here is where another crucial piece comes in. I don’t want you to harbor expectations, not when you’re looking for a man and not when you are with him. Thinking a man falls short because of specifics you have imagined you want may very well BLIND YOU to the possibility that your brand of knight in shining armor may already be in your presence.

    Or you likely won’t recognize him as a potential one when he does show up.”

    I feel confused about this. What exactly is meant by “expectations” in this context? Should I not expect and hope to find a college-educated man? I come from a solidly middle-class family and went to an Ivy League university; I will finish a master’s in physics this summer.

    I feel a bit angry and resentful at thinking that I should be with someone who only finished high school. By thinking someone with that level of education is “not good enough for me,” am I projecting some sort of fear of my own inadequacy onto him? I just don’t know.

    I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t engage and interest me intellectually, and I guess I believe that someone without a college education can’t (won’t be able to) do that. Oooh, I feel yucky. Is this something that needs healing?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:14pm

  467. 467: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    brandylion, i so feel you about the education thing. And yet, having never thought I was going to go to college once I emancipated during high school, and being the first to actually graduate college in my family, and having a lot of family from El Salvador who are actually illiterate, I feel like this isn’t the most important thing (an education). But it still bothers me.

    So…

    I decided that what’s important to me is a person’s enthusiasm for learning. I can’t date someone who isn’t excited to learn about new things or broaden their knowledge of what they already are into.

    Maybe this will help you not have a hard a fast standard for education level, but rather, education enthusiasm as a personality trait?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:26pm

  468. 468: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have a really important “last chance” reminder
    for you…

    http://christywhitman.com/recommends/tap

    You’ve probably heard about the 2012 Tapping
    World Summit from a dozen places by now.

    Everyone is talking about it and with good reason…

    This event teaches a phenomenal technique known
    as Emotional Freedom Techniques or “EFT” and it’s
    100% fr*ee to attend online.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:28pm

  469. 469: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    omgoodness, i forgot my wallet today…i never do that. alaska to the rescue. he offered to take me to lunch but i haven’t much time since I spent my break at the gym. So he’s making me a peanut butter and honey sandwich at his office and walking it over to me. He works a couple blocks away.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:38pm

  470. 470: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – yes this is something which needs healing, but remember too, like attracts like.

    xxoo

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:40pm

  471. 471: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Home now. Man at the laundromat started a conversation with me at the dryers, and then he did the standard, “My wife and daughter blah, blah, blah…” But he was friendly, and it was still good CD practice!

    Rori says fall in love with everything and everyone! LOL! I think that’s a nice idea! Unfortunately, I am too in love with pizza and McDonald’s strawberry and creme pies! :lol:

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:46pm

  472. 472: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Stunning Love,

    Oooh, I feel jealous! I like your name! :-)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:47pm

  473. 473: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm i’m feeling a bit unsure how to do something without leaning forward….i’ve been dating a truly wonderful man for 2 weeks, but it’s been so incredibly intense, we have honestly spent maybe 10 or 11 days together, i’ve been away both weekends with him. It feels absolutely wonderful most of the time, however he is 5 months out of a 3 1/2 year live-in relationship with a girl he even told me is his soulmate, but they can’t be together in a healthy way as she has issues so they are totally over and i feel confident with this and his honesty, but she is still in his life as a friend and it’s causing our whirlwind courtship to slow down and for me to feel a bit cautious and on occasions a little shut down around him as sometimes i feel like he pulls back a little on purpose but then when i let him “just be” he comes right back again and it feels beautiful as ever!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:57pm

  474. 474: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Who else are you dating sensual?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:02pm

  475. 475: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    last weekend we went to his beautiful place in the countryside and slept under the stars. This week i stayed over at his tuesday and last night and left this morning. I made some other plans for tonight and tomorrow evening, so as he’s going to his country place again, he suggested i drive for the day on sunday. also today i am going hiking and he said if i like i could come and pick his beautiful dog up and take him with. So far i have initiated nothing, he does all of the texting/calling. but today I said i’d text him about coming to pick his dog up later for a hike. Now, i see online that it’s the most beautiful Supermoon on Saturday night exact at 11.35pm AND it’s a hayley’s comet meteor shower at exactly the same time! 40-60 “shooting stars” are expected to be seen per hour! and basically i reaaaaally want to blow off my saturday night plans and drive out to meet him in the country instead and watch the meteor shower under the stars with him! but i feel like between texting him today, driving to his house to pick up his dog and then making suggestions about me coming early to the country and staying saturday night…..i don;t know if it’s too much leaning forward all of a sudden. but i also dont want to miss the beautiful opportunity

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:04pm

  476. 476: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    on the days i didn’t see him i went on 2 different dates and i am seeing one of those guys tonight, but i’m not interested at all…./im only doing it to feel good about myself and it does help!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:05pm

  477. 477: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    sensual, what if you trade picking up the dog for a hike with watching the supermoon and comet?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:12pm

  478. 478: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I still feel guilty and rude for not replying with a thank you. A little confused too, cause wouldn’t I be receiving his compliments/support/positive vibe better if I say thank you? If I don’t respond, am I receiving it?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:13pm

  479. 479: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    Giving girl i would say thank you! just a simple thanks! or aww thanks! would be perfect in my opinion. I also think it’s important to receive by saying thanks

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:17pm

  480. 480: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    We sat on the steps across from my office and I hugged my knees and rested my head on my arms… and Alaska started rubbing my back so soothingly. I just melted. And drooled on my hand. Then we laughed at me.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:17pm

  481. 481: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    So i’m fine with trading the dog hike….but….the nice thing about going to pick his dog up, was that i would be able to talk with him in person about Saturday night and even show him an article online about it. If i don’t go to his house then i have to text or call him and explain about it over the phone and make the “me coming early saturday night instead” suggestion over the phone which doesn’t feel as good to me somehow

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:19pm

  482. 482: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Alaska sounds so sweet!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:25pm

  483. 483: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    he is sweet, but i feel real apprehensive about him – always have. i think we could really bring out the worst in each other=/

    but i notice that this giving style of physical affection from a man REALLY takes the edge off of missing another.

    He rubbed my back and I was like “CF Who?”

    I don’t want to use him for rebounding:(. But he is fully aware I just broke up with someone and it really hurt me.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:33pm

  484. 484: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    sensual – sorry but the more you write is the more I feel icky. It sounds like overfunctioning to me, like you are doing all the work and making it too easy for him. It reminds me of listening to Rori talking about a woman who kept a man’s nasty cockatoo birds while he was on vacation.

    Why are you driving to him to pick up his dog?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:36pm

  485. 485: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    sensual

    I feel all of it is too much, especially when it seems like this was a planned break from 2 weeks of whirlwind. I understand the whole, “watching the stars, comets and moon being all romantic”, I would feel the same way. I still vote for choosing one over the other, so that you do have a break. With the recent break-up, I think a break is important until you feel more certain regarding the circumstances.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:37pm

  486. 486: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl, I just read the e-mail exchange and I can see why you are torn. I think I am leaning towards not replying and letting him have the last word. Only because he didn’t ask any questions or open it up for further communication.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:40pm

  487. 487: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl I suspect he is masculine and don’t want to be mothered. As such it is no wonder he did not respond to the question how are you. Rori suggests that is giving too much to a man in her Reconnect Program.

    Him wanting to see your working is him in problem solving fix-it mode. Very masculine.

    Maybe I would respond “I feel open to sharing it with you. Thank you for offering”.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:49pm

  488. 488: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    ok thanks feminine woman and giving girl…i needed this outside perspective or i definitely would have over-functioned. I’m going to text him to say that i can’t do the hike with his dog and in the text i’ll tell him about the amazing meteor shower on saturday and see if he suggests me coming early. how does that sound?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:51pm

  489. 489: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a bit turned off by “you are sweet” though I have to admit that I have used it. Now that I think about it, it is something I often hear from guys so I am not sure I will use it again. I more often use “you are a good man or you are a great man” now. “I feel so ———(inspired, safe, comforted) by you you.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:55pm

  490. 490: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Sensual

    I think that feels much better.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:57pm

  491. 491: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    sensual I would just tell him there is a meteor shower I feel excited about watching with no expectations. I might even tell him where I would be going in my own neighborhood to watch. Playing coy, dropping hints or making suggestions to be with him could backfire.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 1:58pm

  492. 492: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl & FW

    Thanks. Yes, I think he is masculine. He’s not like the guys I’ve dated before.

    Wanting to see my work is problem solving, masculine?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:00pm

  493. 493: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I just got an email from a new match guy, we’ll call him JP. He initiated contact and we have been emailed back and forth all day. He is away on a job right now and so we will probably not meet in person for several weeks, which is kind of nice. I’m trying to practice my feeling messages – it is sooo hard! I just did the, “I love my job because . . . ” one. I wish it all came more naturally to me! he looks very handsom in his pictures and he sounds intelligent when he writes. He has his 17 year old son on the job with him and they are having a good time together, so that’s a good sign.

    I needed this to help me not text GM. I never heard anythign from the other Match guy I emailed yesterday. I don’t get that . . .

    Anyway, wish me luck CD’ing JP and staying away from my CF: GM . . .

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:03pm

  494. 494: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I believe he wants to find something in it to tell you to make you feel happy.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:07pm

  495. 495: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    490. FW that’s what i did (apart from the where i would watch in my neighbor hood bit). I wrote “please send my apologies to (his dog) i can’t make the hike today :( . But omg C on saturday that flowermoon (we spoke about) is a supermoon! (bla bla bla ..i sounded very excited) and a meteor shower, shooting stars everywhere holy crazy! i feel all tingly inside just thinking about it!”

    oh wait he just replied. :( he just wrote “Heard about that on the radio today. Sounds like a fun night!”

    aggghhhh why couldn’t he make a suggestion! but he’s not a mind reader is he and he knows i have plans to go to a black tie party with a girlfriend. So now i have the choice to either leave it completely and just go out on Sunday…… or to reply either today or tomorrow with a suggestion about me blowing my party off to come out early.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:32pm

  496. 496: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    yeh i know the answer already :( :(

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:35pm

  497. 497: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    sensual -Rori recommends respecting the masculine and not making such suggestions.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:39pm

  498. 498: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling a little sad now.

    My man is going to go work in Alberta for two years.

    That’s four provinces away.

    About 4,500 km.

    Wow, I feel weird about it.

    Not feeling too good now.

    (((Francesca)))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:39pm

  499. 499: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @493 FW That’s interesting. I feel I have so much to learn. Thank you for your help.

    I don’t think I’ve ever dated a masculine guy.

    So, is, “Have a nice weekend.” or “Have a good evening.” also masculine? He ends emails like that a lot.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:50pm

  500. 500: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    I just wrote back ..”and it’s in scorpio the freakiest sign of all! i love it! :) ”

    Will leave it now it must be his call

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:51pm

  501. 501: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Francesca)))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 2:51pm

  502. 502: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    GivingGirl I have come to accept that as yes, that is masculine giving energy so I accept it with an appreciative “thank you” or smiley text or just sinking into the feeling of pleasure when I receive it. I don’t always give it back so that they can have the last word.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:03pm

  503. 503: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca it could give him the opportunity to miss you to the point of wanting to have you by his side forever.

    ((((((((((((((((((Francesca))))))))))))))))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:06pm

  504. 504: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, GG & FW.

    We could only see each other once every second month or something.

    Sometimes I hate my country for being so big.

    And right now, the thing I hate the most are the tar sands.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:15pm

  505. 505: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    The good thing is he won’t leave for a whole month and a half, so that still gives us a little time.

    I got to see some positive somewhere.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:20pm

  506. 506: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know what it is about me today, but I just got three “hi, how are you?”s from guys today, as I was walking down the street. And then a random woman smiled at me. I felt surprised by all the positive attention! I wondered what these people were seeing, or perhaps “getting” from my vibe. I feel radiant, and I’m not sure why! Teehee :-) lol

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:24pm

  507. 507: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Millions of women around the world are feeling this way, and many of them are coming together for a revolutionary event you need to know about…

    It’s called, Awakening Feminine Power: How to Break Through Your Inner Glass Ceiling and it’s happening soon – Sunday May 6th to be exact.

    It’s going to be led by two friends of mine, women’s transformational expert Claire Zammit & best-selling author Katherine Woodward Thomas, who have been heralded as leading the way for women’s empowerment in our time.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:45pm

  508. 508: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://femininepower.com/online-course/free-online-class/

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:47pm

  509. 509: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Remember me? Just stopping in to say hello. It’s been 10 mo.s now since my fiance’s passing and I still am not feeling much up to dating. But I would love to hear how all of you are doing?!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:51pm

  510. 510: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    So how do you know if YOU have an inner glass ceiling?

    Well your INNER Glass ceiling is firmly in place if you ever:

    Over-give and over-do everyday because it just feels like you “should” be able to do it all
    Feel alone and under-supported privately despite the reality of having a strong community who claims to be there for you
    Sense you have deeper gifts and talents to share but are stuck as to how to access them
    Have achieved the success in your career you thought you wanted and find you’re no happier as a result
    Find yourself envying people with more creativity or freedom than you

    These inner glass ceilings are formed by our core our beliefs about ourselves, our beliefs about others, and about what is possible in life.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:51pm

  511. 511: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the suggestions about how to find out his name….yes, being authentic is the best way for sure.

    I feel better and more competent about leaning back, it is still not complete, but I am not initiating….right now I have 2 guys with the same first name who want to date me, and another guy whose name I don’t know….and i think another one.

    Although i did perhaps try to do more problem solving on the fundraiser and i probably turned off my crush, but i have to think of a new name for him, since crush is too loaded…..from now on, he is just a guy i flirt with who works across the street from me…

    so he called me last night to say he felt anxious about the office being open for the fundraiser and no one he knew staffing it…..so because he is offering up his space to help us raise money, he told me what he was comfortable with and I talked to the director of the fundraiser and we switched things so his office could be staffed….

    so my question is: since he called and told me how he was feeling and we came up with possible solutions, was it overfunctioning to text him and tell him we got it covered….and then call and leave a voice message when i did not hear back from him since he sounded so conficted….

    i feel i overfunctioned, but I also felt irritated and not acknowledged, because i am straight out working and fundraising and i made sure i dealt with his office so he felt comfortable….so I said in his voice message that i want to know if he is thinking this sounds better….

    but i won’t call again……

    just wondering, it does feel like it was overfunctioning because i really don’t care now if he feels okay or not.
    i have the key to his office and i will make sure everything is fine, that’s all.

    and unknown name CD wants me to send him a pic but i can’t figure out how to do it on my phone.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:54pm

  512. 512: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    479 – Awww, that sounds peaceful and sweet! I’m happy for you.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:56pm

  513. 513: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jeannette,

    508 – I feel so happy you checked in! I’ve been thinking of you! How are you feeling?

    Love, Brenda

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 3:57pm

  514. 514: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I am okay…I think I’ve survived the worst of it. But, I still think of Steve as my soulmate and I’m just not ready to move on yet. I still feel him around me and yearn for his love again. But I know it’s not going to happen…at least in this lifetime! Anyway aside from me, I’d love to hear how you’re doing Brenda! Anything positive and exciting?

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:05pm

  515. 515: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I replied, “I’d feel happy sharing my drawing with you. Thanks.”

    He replied, “I am looking forward to seeing your drawing. Thanks.”

    Now I feel good and settled. And, he ended the conversation. :)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:07pm

  516. 516: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((Jeannette))))))))))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:10pm

  517. 517: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I love men.
    ((((((((((men))))))))))))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:12pm

  518. 518: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Jeannette)))

    Hi, I am new here.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:21pm

  519. 519: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Also,
    nonameCD wanted to see me tomorrow night and I just kept deferring to him about what to do…..he wanted to go for a walk at 9:30 pm downtown and he wanted me to meet him at the waterfront. I said I did not want to hang outside there or on the street downtown, could we meet somewhere else? He could not come up with a place to meet, which was kind of funky, so he said for me to text him where I was…..I have plans with a girlfriend for dinner, so I will already be downtown….
    this feels kind of funky and i might be overfunctioning again….but it might be fun to wait for him in a bar and see what happens while i am waiting….

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:44pm

  520. 520: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Do you think it makes sense for me to do this?
    Wait downtown for a man I have never met at 9:30 pm. He is a cook so he will just be getting off work.
    Now I am feeling nervous.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 4:49pm

  521. 521: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla and GivingGirl!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:04pm

  522. 522: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    I feel happy and confused….my Beau is texting me telling me that i am cheating on him…lol im listening to fiddle music at the kitchen party here put on by the conference organizers….its so fun….how do i deal with it?
    My first reaction is well, if we were more secure then you wouldnt worry but you have to lean forward to me or its not going to happen…lol

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:07pm

  523. 523: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jeanette!!! Good to see you..How is everything? I hope you are feeling good..Big Hugs

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:19pm

  524. 524: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie – ‘that feels weird… I’m not looking to be a gf, here… I want to be married and it feels good to keep my options open to get to know people until someone proposes something serious w me… What do u think?’

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:26pm

  525. 525: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh you feel happy! Id say then ‘lol :) ’

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:28pm

  526. 526: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh…i spent 2 hours at a party with man who is angry at me. I felt super-awkward.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 5:46pm

  527. 527: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((siren song)))))))))))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:01pm

  528. 528: lkNo Gravatar says:

    jeanette, i wonder if you could ask steve to introduce you to someone…. i feel really “inappropriate” typing that… slightly & ambiguously grateful / uncomfortable for / with the anonymity of the internet…. mostly, i just feel sad reading your story….. i’m on my sofa crying, typing… ((((((jeanette)))))) and i do hope that you will allow a man take you for a coffee : ) all the men want to support you & carry you, especially when you feel fragile (((men)))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:07pm

  529. 529: lkNo Gravatar says:

    siren song, i feel curious if you change his nickname if the Vibe will change with him ?? : ))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:08pm

  530. 530: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Ik, that feels beautiful what you wrote to Jeanette..i connect to that actually myself..i have from time to time and still do talk to S (my late husband) sometimes even asking for guidance about certain things in my life or if something arises in my current relationship..i would even go as far as saying the more I think about it, i feel more connected now than i did when we were together, I feel teary thinking that..aw

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:14pm

  531. 531: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am so happy to report that the sting is lessening about CF. CDing really does help if used wisely. Just have to be careful not to use it as a cover-up for the pain. Relentlessly pursuing your goals and dreams and best self really helps, too, and then before you know it, you’re authentically moving on:)

    I am feeling like there is a future for me out there and an amazing life-long relationship with someone, whether it’s CF or someone else.

    I still hope all the time it will be him, and don’t feel like giving up hope in my heart yet, but I can feel even THAT lessening.

    (((((((((((me))))))))))))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:20pm

  532. 532: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    OMG!

    There is a supermoon tomorrow and the moon looks incredible tonight.
    It feels incredibly magical and auspicious…..
    And I just got a phone call from one of my CD’s with the same name and I don’t know which one it is….

    this feels hilarious to me and also I feel fearful that i will screw up….

    i felt certain the other day that i was done with “flirts alot across the street” and now i feel really attractive to lots of men….

    i feel so glad i listened to modern siren yesterday, ground, feel the air around me, i am the oxygen you need to breather….

    i feel so excited!!!!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:23pm

  533. 533: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Lk,

    Good point!!!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:24pm

  534. 534: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Oh,
    just to update, BOTH of my CD’s with the same name called me within 5 minutes of each other and i feel relieved one of them left their last name on their message…..
    so now i know who i am talking to….
    this feels unbelievable….
    ground, ground, ground

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:28pm

  535. 535: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh SexyCd texted! he’s been contacting me for like several years now… he had disappeared for awhile and now reappeared… he really digs my sexiness

    i feel good when a man does not forget about me over years

    i feel important and special and invaluable

    and ‘unforgettable’ like amazing that feels good

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:36pm

  536. 536: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im changing his name to ExcitingCd

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:37pm

  537. 537: Lily MedusaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,
    You don’t know me yet, but I have been reading the blog and lurking around reading the comments here for a while. I introduced myself on Rori’s previous post. I am feeling awful right now because of a situation with a man. I didn’t want to jump in this way… I wanted to start out here by saying something pithy and thought provoking that would make me seem cool (haha)… but… I just had an awful night and an even worse day and I’m feeling so scared and angry and triggered. I could use some advice from you great, strong women who have been practicing Rori’s Tools longer than I have.

    Overall the man I’ve been dating for 4 years is a great guy: loving, wise, kind, smart, cool, and did I mention sexy?? We moved in together very quickly, lived together for 3 years, and then I moved out after a big fight. I’ve had my own place for a year. Feeling Messages and Leaning Back have worked wonders on our relationship and I know, I KNOW, he loves me. I’ve been working on dating myself and circularly flirting (no real dates with other men since I agreed to exclusivity 4 years ago, and I’m hella scared to break that pattern). After 4 years I still have no ring, no marriage plans, no real commitment. I feel bad about this. I feel resentful of him and mad at myself. I feel scared that I’ll never have a real commitment or a family of my own, which I know is ridiculous because I am an attractive person, but I’m scared anyway.

    So on Wednesday night he said “let’s hang out tomorrow… no plan, let’s just see how we feel.” I took this to mean that we had a date but weren’t gonna plan out what to do. Usually this means we hang out, fix dinner, watch a movie, and possibly Do It (hee hee). I figured he would call me early and so yesterday evening (Thursday) I relaxed and did my regular evening routine that is nice to me, things like meditating and working out. But as the hours passed and he didn’t call, I felt more and more anxious and mad. Finally at 9:30 he called. After work he had gone to his old high school buddy’s house down the street for beers, presumably for a couple of hours. I realized the “no plan” clause in his invitation meant that he planned to do whatever he wanted and then expected me to pick up and come over whenever he felt like it. I felt awful!! :( Right away when he called, he invited me to come over and I said no, I didn’t want to. But instead of telling him how bad I felt, I chatted pleasantly for a few minutes and then suddenly, out of the blue, I sarcastically asked if he had invited his ex-wife and all the other girls he had known in high school to his little beer party. I KNEW BETTER, but I spouted that off anyway. He was shocked. He said he didn’t understand where that came from, and he said he sorry I felt that way and I had nothing to worry about. Then he said he was tired and immediately ended the call. I cried myself to sleep and fought off tears all day today at work. I feel like he stood me up. I feel like I am a low priority in his life. I feel furious and scared. My heart feels hollow and my throat feels tight. I feel myself wanting to tear his eyes out with my nails and run away to Australia. To make things worse I am in a big fight with some members of my family now and I’m feeling really alone.

    I have two questions.

    1. Since he calls me without fail almost every evening, I am more or less certain he will call me tonight. I am also fairly certain he will invite me to his house. I won’t go. I’m considering telling him how I felt last night, and I guess I’m scared that if I do it will fall into the category of the whiney “Why didn’t you call?” question/accusation. What does Rori advise for these situations? If I do talk to him about it I will probably say something like: “When you asked me to hang out last night, I thought it meant that we had a date, so I had an expectation that you would call me earlier. As the evening passed I started to feel anxious and awful when I didn’t hear from you until late. I feel undervalued and mad at you and mad at myself. It doesn’t feel good. What do you think?” Of course I am writing this here because I’m hoping the lovely Sirens will offer me editing tips to make this speech better… or warn me if it’s a bad idea. Should I tell him I don’t ever want to hang out with him unless he wants to see me bad enough to make an actual plan and stick to it? Please advise.

    2. I read the eBook and have been reading the newsletters and working the Tools and reading the blog and all your comments. I’ve been learning a lot and growing and feeling wonderfully excited. Now I’m ready to buy one of Rori’s programs. I want whichever one will help me deal with this exact situation I’m in. Ideally, I’d love to use the Tools to draw this particular man in and make him love me and want to make me his forever. If it’s ever gonna happen, I want it to bl00dy happen already!!!! :( (If it’s not meant to be, I want help becoming my Sirenyest self so at least I can have my choice of flocks of great men who adore me. But I don’t like to think about that. I want to believe that he and I are Meant For Each Other and that he will step up.) Which program do I need? I’m sure they are all good but I have only room in my budget for one right now and I realllly want to make sure I get the best one that is most applicable to my specific situation. Reconnect? Blueprint? Siren? Scripts? There are so many options and I’m feeling anxious and confused about which one would be best for me. What do the Sirens say?

    To anyone still awake after reading this: thanks so much for reading this and for caring to help me even though you don’t know me.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:46pm

  538. 538: Memulo says:

    FW, Givingirl,

    I would never call a man ‘sweet’. It doesn’t even feel good to say to him ‘this is sweet’ to something he’s done. I don’t know why, perhaps it feels too feminine of a name to me.

    Trying to imagine saying ‘you are a good man’ and I can’t still. I feel I can only look up to him happily if it makes sense? ‘Good man’ sounds like an approval message to me

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:50pm

  539. 539: Memulo says:

    HW,

    Your vibe feels so good and exciting ;)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:52pm

  540. 540: Memulo says:

    Welcome Lily Medusa,

    Just wondering – do you have to sit by the phone waiting for his call? Can you go somewhere/do something and not necessarily hear the ring? Can you get busy with your own stuff? And just leave this hanging

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:55pm

  541. 541: Memulo says:

    #537,

    Yes, I’d go watch a movie even by myself or go out with friends. I wouldn’t ask why he didn’t call.. just get busy/not easily available myself

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 6:59pm

  542. 542: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Lk,

    Ok, guy who loves me…

    Much better name

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:06pm

  543. 543: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ooooh Starla just got asked out for next weekend by George Washington CD. Says he’s been thinking a lot about me:P

    He is one who poofed and backed off. They always come back :D

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:07pm

  544. 544: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    I just talked with a newCD and he was super nice and it felt great to talk to him…..he will be a good CD…..he said he wanted to talk again and i feel impatient i want to just get to dating…
    so i jumped the gun and said it would feel great to see a face to connect with the voice….

    this is so hard and so fun to learn all these tools when i am not invested in him at all….

    was that leaning forward or trying to set the pace by suggesting how nice it would be to connect the face with the voice…….

    i did say how it felt so nice to talk instead of email and how it felt fun to talk with him and really concentrated on using fm….

    this is fun….

    secretly of course, i know a bunch of you can relate,
    i feel hopeful that all this male attention raises my vibe and my level of difficulty enough so i feel good and i feel either over the flirt across the street or don’t feel my heart jump up to my throat when i see him….CDing feels like a great tool….

    :) thanks Memulo for noticing my vibe

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:17pm

  545. 545: Lily MedusaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,
    I appreciate your response to my question. You made an excellent point and I feel interested. While I did stay busy with my own stuff last night, and I certainly didn’t just “sit by the phone,” I did keep my phone on or near me at all times hoping he would call me any minute. Is it a mistake for me to do that? I’m willing to try being away from my phone for a while and not being there to pick up his call. I could try that tonight.

    I feel confused as to what you mean when you suggest that I leave this hanging. Would you be willing to clarify? Thanks.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:25pm

  546. 546: Lily MedusaNo Gravatar says:

    After I accidentally on purpose miss his call, do I call him back later? He would expect me to call back and likely feel bad if I didn’t. (I’m not saying that’s necessarily a bad thing if he feels bad, but I’m afraid I would feel inauthentic about not returning his call.) Is this playing games? I reallllly want to shift my vibe. I want my feminine energy back.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:30pm

  547. 547: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I feel jealous of sirens with lots of CDs that involve being in a man’s physical presence, especially a man they actually find interesting. Men are poofing after a few emails with me, except for two who wanted to talk to me. I wasn’t really interested in talking to them, but I did it anyway to get the CD ball rolling. Starla is right that it does help me feel better and less stuck on PriestCD.

    I feel hopeful reading #543 that the email poofers will reappear and pick up the ball for a conversation. I think I didn’t drop the “I feel bored with a long email exchange. What do you think?” soon enough (that is, at all) and now with leaning back I think they think I’m not interested in further contact.

    I felt good running tonight and smiling and waving at people I passed. I gave another runner a thumbs-up and she laughed; I felt glad that she felt good. A couple of police officers teased about not picking my knees up high enough and running too fast, but I felt great and loose and relaxed and I was just cruising right along!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 7:36pm

  548. 548: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LilyMedusa
    I hope you find strength here.
    You will…..and love that part of you that wants that phone call…..love her totally and completely…..ask her what SHE wants…..

    Well, my noname CD has not texted me back and I think that either he got my picture and said he didn’t or decided that he does not want to really go out tomorrow….either way, i have a plan to go out with a girlfriend and check out the supermoon and if he texts me, it might be fun…

    thanks for being here with me on this journey…..i feel really good reading my FLYBABY and today i cleaned my car and got all my dishes done and soon i will have an apt that really really feels nice….

    good night, if you think of us tomorrow, wish us luck on all our fundraising so we can make it to the world finals…..

    any sirens in iowa?
    hugs to all of you

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:09pm

  549. 549: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka must be really busy from all her leaning back….

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:12pm

  550. 550: Lily MedusaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you HW, your comment brought tears to my eyes. I DO love that part of me. I know what she wants. Love. I’m loving me now. (((me)))

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:15pm

  551. 551: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I went for a walk and it felt very weird and emotional and happy. I hadn’t gone out for a walk in that direction since last summer with CF, but it was still MY walking path that is in my immediate neighborhood and the smells and sounds that *I* remember. I felt really overwhelmed and moved with knowing that I have my own place in the universe and it is a good place.

    I asked the moon for fruitfulness in love and life.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:47pm

  552. 552: Lily MedusaNo Gravatar says:

    Hahahaha (sinister chuckle), I left my phone at home while I picked up some takeout Mexican food for me. I left my phone at home. MM called while I was gone. I ate my dinner and had a nice chat with my sister on the phone. Then I called him back. He asked me what I had been up to and I told him.

    MM: So did you have a hot date tonight then?
    Me (laughing): Yep, I had a hot date with myself.
    MM: And you called your sister BEFORE you called me back?
    Me: Yep!
    MM (gasps playfully): How could you! I don’t know what’s up with you, with our relationship these days. Geez.
    Me: *laugh*

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:53pm

  553. 553: Lily MedusaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,
    I am going for a walk now too. Through the fields, to visit my friends the horses. I’m going to ask the moon for the same thing.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:56pm

  554. 554: Josephine JonesNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,

    Thanks for your book, I keep reading it over and over.
    I learned from your book that I rarely took on a feminine role in my relationships, I believed that by giving the things I’d like to receive, I would create that in my partner. I in actual fact never learned to sit and rest in the beauty of my feminine, despite it always sending me messages.

    My mother died as a child and my father was very masculine, i would do all i could to do for him in the glimmers of hope for affection, which rarely came, either in a few words, a smile, a hug but i never truly embraced and loved my father openly. he passed away in December after 5 years of illness (diabetes) in which I cared for him.

    I started dating again after 6 years and 6 months, I went in like a big toe in water, I had spent the last 7 years working on me to find out how to be myself and love myself.

    No I started to circular date, it’s big for me, as I looked at the ground for 6 and a half years, due to the effects of my past relationship. I always partnered with men who were emotionally unavailable and I was apprehensive to enter into anything as I still am, for it begins with me.

    I am only seeing one man and have been asked out by 2 others, I am always told I am a beautiful woman, but I am rarely approached by men. I have never understood why until maybe now with your book and that is my masculine side.

    I WOULD LOVE for you to list which sides are which, it wanting to touch and caress a man a masculine thing or is it a feminine, I am happy to touch and feel the energy of this man and not need anything else, however i would like that too, we are intimate now.
    Was the caring for my father also a masculine role, I am unsure which are which?

    I suppose I have always tried to be what makes my partner feel safe and if they are safe I am safe, I just wonder how to find that beautiful balance or am I already and I just need to feel it?

    Either way, I am so very grateful to you and would feel privileged if you would answer me, i love your words and your sentiment and thank you to receive my transparency.

    In kindness
    Josie

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:04pm

  555. 555: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lily Medusa, enjoy your walk:)

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 9:38pm

  556. 556: Lily MedusaNo Gravatar says:

    I did enjoy it, thanks Starla! Thank you, bright moon. Thank you, dark street. Thank you, lovely plants that smells nice. Thank you, night.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 10:04pm

  557. 557: RavenquileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I’ve been giving this whole Masculine/Feminine Energy concept some more mulling over…Not an argument, not emotionally or intellectually ‘engaged’ by this in any way: merely examining a Truth, as it exists.

    Yes, obviously, there are some built-in design differences with male vs. female; physical and otherwise. I have discovered that these ‘otherwise things’ simply are not at all what the ‘categorizers’ have perceived them to be. It simply is not what we have been taught, and led to believe that it is. The natural world is also not directly applicable, in exactly the same way, specifically to Human Beings; which is important to keep in mind. Predominately, the Male/Female Differences exist in the physical body; rather than beyond the physical gender, off into other realms, as has been mistakenly guessed-at, categorized and promoted. This slant has not been an accident; but a clever strategy of the Great Deceiver, which began right in the Garden of Eden. The plan is to make sure to keep Men and Women acting in some out-of-kilter, dictated, prescribed, believed, Male vs. Female way, for his first part of the game; and for his second phase, he wants to make sure that no one realizes that there are different personality types, and that both the males and the females in any given type will be, and act, similarly. Mucking things up with phase one and phase two, has been most effective at creating utter confusion and disharmony, so far!
    So, before manipulating energies and cultural concepts, we should all do ourselves a great favor and take the time to discover the Truth about Men and Women; and God’s Dimensional Design.

    1) The ‘runaway train problem’ is that people tend to ACT like Societal Conditioning tells them they are supposed to act, supposed to be. By Societal Conditioning, I mean a whole gambit of sources: word of mouth general concepts, things we were taught growing up, things we heard in church settings, and of course, the ‘prevailing theories’ from the Psychological Pool, past and present; all overshadowed and well-seasoned by his Strategies.

    2) With that always ‘underway’, the 2 ‘milk and honey’ Truths of the Reality of the Yin vrs. Yang thing, unfortunately, get very misperceived, twisted up like a pretzel; and even largely completely ignored.

    ‘The Milk’: would be the actual physical and ‘otherwise’ built-in differences designed by God, not Man; which will be the same for all Males, or all Females.
    ‘The Honey’: would be the actual personality-based differences designed by God, not Man; which will be different for all Males, and all Females, but similar for both the Males and the Females in any given personality type ( both the guys and the gals of the same, or similar, personality type will ‘be’ and ‘express’ in a similar way, different from others with different personality types ).

    The Reality is simply that there will be numerous Man/Woman, Yin/Yang, descriptions according to each Male and each Female’s personality type: you will see, and can expect, differences in ‘acting/being like a man’, and ‘acting/being like a woman’. These things simply ‘are’; like the sun is, like the moon is, like wind is, like rain is…..they simply ‘are’ a fact of life. This is not a theory, not a concept, not cultural according to location, or religion; and has been in existence from the beginning of Time.

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:23pm

  558. 558: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes I feel like I’m just hanging on by a thread, but really my life is in great shape, so actually I have lots of safety to feel so on edge. It feels really exhilarating and powerful to look at it like this, and I feel like this is the pay-off I get now for being very conscious and disciplined about going through the motions of self love and care and not getting pushed off my bridge. My life is actually *better* than before all this because I made a serious commitment to myself as a priority.

    I’ve also felt my trigger hot buttons shift and morph during this time. And now that I am starting to feel more back to my ‘old self’ again, I can see old triggers poppin up again with friends and men. But I feel this slowness, like I can see myself getting triggered and not reacting from that triggered place. I feel certain I will shed a trigger or two soon:)

    For example, today I noticed how I could just not be defensive with a particular friend of mine, and looked past his triggers for what he was trying to convey to me. I really wanted to defend myself, or tell him he’s overreacting, or tell him I don’t want him to cuss at me, but instead I just said “okay.” And he said, “thank you.” I just said, “yes:),” and he suddenly was sending me lots of love and appreciation…

    People just want to feel heard and like their feelings are important. We don’t want our bad attitudes to stop people from loving us and respecting our wishes. I realized today that if someone who doesn’t usually throw me a cr*ppy attitude every time they’re upset does happen to throw one every once in a while, that it’s not personal and if I love that person I can do my best to look for what they’re desperately hoping to communicate with their cr*ppy attitude behavior.

    I have always felt like I needed to go into a “stance” to protect myself in these cases, but it’s really not necessary. My life will really feel drastically different when this becomes my new instinct!

    Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 11:52pm

  559. 559: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Hi.. I am sleeping at the hotel today…. I feel extremely embarrassed to write about this and I feel afraid to trigger anyone here.. still it’s the only place I can vent… My husband wants to buy smth I am not comfortable with keeping it at home, and today he raised this topic again asking can he buy it. I said “you can do and buy everything you want but i am feeling unsafe keeping *this* at home”. He freaked out said he is buying it and keeps it at home and I leave his apartment right now (we rent an apartment, he pays). He said he is no longer “tolerating my demands”… and also something abusive .. He dropped me off near the home and was gone.
    It felt terrible..I picked some of my stuff at home and went to the hotel. He called back in 2 hours. He asked where I am and said he brought smth to eat (no sorrys for cursing me). I said that I’m at the hotel already. He didn’t expect that and freaked out again, shouted to give him the key from the apartment (no room for my reply) and that he is coming up to take the key from me. In silence I handed him the key, turned back and returned to my room.. he didn’t try to say anything either…I feel sad, very sad and physically tired… I didn’t shout at him or even said anythin abusive… (I gave it up long long ago) .. it all feels so painful…am I being too demanding…? It all feels weird… and painful.. and sad… it hurts… and I feel scared and also – sad because I feel comfortable setting up that boundary (that I don’t want to live with that “thing” at home).. theoretically he can keep it somewhere else .. rent a lockbox.. or..whatever.. He is not even trying to find a way.. tho I am sure there is a way for everyone to be happy… it doesn’t feel to me like a deadend situation at all.. I feel like it really can be negotiated..
    And I also feel bad about being comfortable with my boundary and sad-feeling feelings… and not freaking out and calling him with that okay take me back I will do my best to put up with it… I feel sad…it hurts and the heart .. it feels so sad in my heart… and I don’t want to compromise on my feelings anymore.. and it also feels not comfortable.. and I feel guilty… and doubt my decision.. and it’s okay… i love my feelings, I love my boundaries, and I love my man..I said that to him ..but okay – my love is my and if it isn’t what he want – it feels sad but he has a right to choose…anything that he thinks to be right for him… The whole day was great actually I said how happy i feel having had a great walk together and that I feel cared and gave him a hug and kissed him…
    (((((((((me)))))))))
    Love to you sirens. I feel sorry if the post upset someone.. I needed to write about this, I feel physically better..and my shoulders feel a little bit more relaxed now..

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:15am

  560. 560: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #411
    Daria, thank you! I feel happy it feels good to you :)
    Love to you!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:39am

  561. 561: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Vi – “am i being too demanding?” as soon as you said that, you lost your power – NV

    you need to start taking care of yourself. Now.

    this is emotional abuse

    start practicing boundaries and feeling messages Now.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:24am

  562. 562: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    558 Vi

    ((((Vi))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:26am

  563. 563: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Vi
    I was glad you posted your experience…..I could relate to those dynamics…I was sad when I read your post…..I was married to a man who engaged in those conversations and confusing behaviours too…..long ago…..no more…..I can understand how you must feel…..

    Daria’s nailed it….it’s emotional abuse and mental confusion…and plain old manipulation

    With this kind of man, though he won’t likely know what to do with your feeling messages, I agree with Daria…it’s important to start using FM anyway…. …for YOU. ….so you hear what’s in your heart and mind…that’s trying to help you move out of these dynamics with him….

    If you aren’t comfortable keeping something at your home, and you say so…….use a FM…..and he isn’t listening, he is rather self absorbed……why won’t he keep it at his apartment? why does he have this apartment in the first place? He sounds like he has been accommodated for many years….like you are just suppose to say “how high” when he says “jump”……oh yuck….. dropping you off and making you walk…..no regard for you…..

    you deserve to be treated with respect by everyone…..including him….

    Sending you strength so you can be the siren you are and stay strong on your feet

    ((((Vi)))))
    xo
    Aurora

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:35am

  564. 564: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    532 HW

    Yes! I saw the moon last night too…as I was heading to bed….beauty!

    when I woke this morning my sweety was going into work very early when it was still dark and mentioned the moon too…….I love how we can all see it…..and the sun……..no matter where we are……

    One Siren Moon…..One Siren Sun…for us all to enjoy and feel gifted….

    cooh eh?

    xo
    Aurora

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:40am

  565. 565: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Once upon a time there was a clay being, a wet creature . The Great Trickster decided it would feel way fun to have something fun like 2!!! of the fiery explosion set by the wind it would feel fun to HAVE SEX!!!

    and i;ve been having sex and choosing sex ever since, in all my colors….

    i CHOOSE to dance the sex dance

    i choose to dance the phsyical and dance the levels of spirit

    WHAT IS IT MORE THAN THE BODY TO BE WOMAN, THAT WHICH IS **DIFFERENT** THAN THAT TO BE MAN

    to explore the difference feels sublime

    it is ok that there is sameness

    the difference feels delicious

    the polarity harmonizes dance

    sex, sex sex

    i cum cum cum

    i WANT this difference

    i WANT to mate, across color, across personality

    my magic sex

    my magic yin to the yang

    it is the pull he is the push

    and we’re dancing together

    i like him INSIDE of ME

    and he keeps coming there…

    i puhs out… he pulls back, he’s yin now

    i pull back and the space pulls him in he’s RUSHING now together we are both united in our goal to get inside me

    WHAT IS INSIDE ME????

    I AM EVERYTHING!

    :0

    :0

    :0

    i am in awe

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:43am

  566. 566: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ravenquille I wrote that in response to your post. Thank you for writing it it felt real deep inspiring and exciting. I feel excited that you are writing here about this. It’s flying my mind out i feel exhilarated

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:44am

  567. 567: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #560,
    Daria, Thank you! Thanks for commenting my phrase – I feel smiley ..it just feels good.
    I agree with you totally.
    I feel safe here now and letting myself vent here – already feels like great care of myself. And your comment and Aurora Girl’s comment feel like great care from the Universe….
    thank you beautiful sirens. Love to me.
    Love to you.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:54am

  568. 568: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning, Sirens.

    I had a brush with death last night.

    At least, I thought I was going to die.

    My blood pressure went down and I fainted and felt like puking.

    Fortunately, I had time to lie down on the floor with my legs up.

    At one point, I couldn’t hear anything except a very loud buzzing, all other sounds were obliterated by it.

    I know I fainted but my eyes were open the whole time and I couldn’t move.

    When I came to, I was sweating profusely.

    It felt scary.

    I’m sure I could’ve died alone and no one would’ve known for days.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:56am

  569. 569: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Medusa –

    Overall the man I’ve been dating for 4 years

    — 4 years!!! uhoh! Would expect to be married by now —

    is a great guy: loving, wise, kind, smart, cool, and did I mention sexy?? We moved in together very quickly, lived together for 3 years, and then I moved out after a big fight. I’ve had my own place for a year.

    –long time apart… Where? is this relationship going? (backwards if not forwards, they dont stand still) What is this woman’s forever after? Does he know about it? —

    Feeling Messages and Leaning Back have worked wonders on our relationship

    – forwards –

    and I know, I KNOW, he loves me.

    – you sound anxious and like you’re making excuses here… you know this relationship is not as fulfilling as you’d like it to be, and after 4 years exclusive, you have more than a lil reason to feel that way —

    I’ve been working on dating myself and circularly flirting — awesome!! –

    (no real dates with other men since I agreed to exclusivity 4 years ago, and I’m hella scared to break that pattern).

    — it is scary, and After 4 years of exclusivity, is the fastest way to get a faltering relationship back on track —

    After 4 years I still have no ring, no marriage plans, no real commitment. I feel bad about this.

    — yes, you can fix this! —

    I feel resentful of him and mad at myself. I feel scared that I’ll never have a real commitment or a family of my own, which I know is ridiculous because I am an attractive person, but I’m scared anyway.

    So on Wednesday night he said “let’s hang out tomorrow… no plan, let’s just see how we feel.” I took this to mean that we had a date but weren’t gonna plan out what to do.

    — accepting casual plans leads to resentment, which you said you feel towards him. Don’t accept casual plans. Circular Dating other men will give you the out there dating experience to know and get in the habit of what to require from men so that you feel romanced and not ‘casual’ ‘low priority’ —

    Usually this means we hang out, fix dinner, watch a movie, and possibly Do It (hee hee).

    — sounds good! —

    I figured he would call me early and so yesterday evening (Thursday) I relaxed and did my regular evening routine that is nice to me, things like meditating and working out.

    — great !! — But as the hours passed and he didn’t call, I felt more and more anxious and mad.

    — since you didn’t have a SET TIME for your date, you were left WAITING and up in the air. Experiment with making plans with men with a set time, and a confiramation ahead of time, and see how that feels to you regarding anxiety —

    Finally at 9:30 he called.

    — he’s now calling excited to see you!!! everything is actually totally ok here, but because you didn’t investigate yourself to find out what you require as far as setting plans and confirmation to feel comfortable with a man, you are now feeling anxious and angry and likely to be cold and closed instead of open and warm —

    After work he had gone to his old high school buddy’s house down the street for beers, presumably for a couple of hours. I realized the “no plan” clause in his invitation meant that he planned to do whatever he wanted and then expected me to pick up and come over whenever he felt like it.

    — remember, you AGREED to ‘no plan’ , you CREATED this situation as well as him, neither of you are to blame ! Don’t beat yourself or him up… all that’s needed is you to explore what type of dating plans/style make you feel special and romanced… and communicate your new requirements to men in ways they can hear —

    I felt awful!! Right away when he called, he invited me to come over and I said no, I didn’t want to. But instead of telling him how bad I felt, I chatted pleasantly for a few minutes and then suddenly, out of the blue, I sarcastically asked if he had invited his ex-wife and all the other girls he had known in high school to his little beer party. I KNEW BETTER, but I spouted that off anyway. He was shocked. He said he didn’t understand where that came from, and he said he sorry I felt that way and I had nothing to worry about. Then he said he was tired and immediately ended the call. I cried myself to sleep and fought off tears all day today at work. I feel like he stood me up. I feel like I am a low priority in his life. I feel furious and scared. My heart feels hollow and my throat feels tight. I feel myself wanting to tear his eyes out with my nails and run away to Australia. To make things worse I am in a big fight with some members of my family now and I’m feeling really alone.

    — hugs to you. This can all be fixed easily with a few changes in the type of plans you accept and how you communicate about them! you can SO do this!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:08am

  570. 570: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #561, 562

    Aurora, thank you so much for the hugs and sharing you experience!! I feel so.. cherished here.. And it feels GOOD! :)

    I promise you and Daria, i WILL keep on practicing FMs and my boundaries. And I feel that my boundaries help me stay more open because it feels like I am protected…

    Thanks for sharing siren strengh! :) It’s a great present!! This is something I has been dreaming of for years ))

    Ohh I feel so encouraged! And it feels GREAT!

    Love to ((((you)))) Aurora! ..Love to (((me))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:11am

  571. 571: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca – ive had what sounds as the same before and i also thought i was gonna die (its one of the experiences that had me realize i choose when i die)

    i found by researching after that its not fatal unless blood doesnt get to the head

    so lie down sideways or even hang head upside down somehow and it passes quickly

    in my case it was bec of high head and dehydration brought on the low blood pressure

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:12am

  572. 572: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    *bec of high HEAT and dehydration

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:12am

  573. 573: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lily Medusa – I would say Commitment Blueprint.

    Script

    “sorry about yesterday. the truth is i felt mad when i didn’t hear from you earlier that evening and i felt shy saying something about it and it all blew up and i took my anger out on you. i apologize, i dont want us to communicate that way. id feel better to say i feel angry instead”

    him: its ok babe but u dont have to feel mad u could call me

    you: mmm well the truth is i feel a lil ‘casual’ as far as plans and dates when i wind up calling u. and its actually not feeling good to me, ive been feeling bad about it. i feel better to do something more romantic and i dont want to just make “whatever’ plans anymore. id feel better to set a plan for a specific time like a romantic date, and then i can be ready for it and know for sure ill hear from you ahead of time… what do yout think?

    listen

    talk in FM’s !

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:19am

  574. 574: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, it took at least an hour before I finally started feeling good enough to stand up and lie on the couch.

    I did lie sideways because I was afraid to puke and choke on it.

    So many people died that way before and I’m not ready to die now.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:20am

  575. 575: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #567
    ((((((((((((Francesca)))))))))))))))

    in my case it was also because of dehydration…

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:24am

  576. 576: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks light heart!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:25am

  577. 577: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am watching the moon too sirens! feeling excited about tomorrow

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:28am

  578. 578: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling numb

    I feel guilty

    I feel confused

    Hmm sugar in my blood

    Cinnamon

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:46am

  579. 579: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Cinnamon rite in the pancreas

    Yum

    Mm feels soothing the buzzing

    So alive

    Yayyy

    Today I leaned back and I feel fulfilled from it

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:53am

  580. 580: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    567 & 574:

    Francesca, Vi:

    That does feel so scary!

    It happened to me 2x in my lifetime.
    It was severe dehydration for me too.

    The last time was when I had a cold and took over-the-counter cold medicine.
    I followed directions, but since it numbs you out, you do not feel any sensation of thurst, so you don’t drink.
    On top of that, it dehydrates the body alot.
    I took them all day then took the night time one.
    When I woke up, I felt my scalp get all numb, nautious and sweating profusely, then I began seeing white spots.
    I quickly drank lots and lots of water straight from the pitcher and I was back to normal within 10 minutes. But boy was I sleepy after.

    The 1st time it happened 10 years ago, I thought I was getting a blood clot in the brain.
    The Dr confirmed it was severe dehydration, so I knew what to do the 2nd time.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:56am

  581. 581: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    578:

    Daria,

    I heard on the Dr. Oz show that cinnamon is amazingly great for the liver and the pancreas to balance out blood sugar.

    How do you take it? Straight by the spoonful, or in water?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:59am

  582. 582: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    When man sees himself thru me he becomes the snake. The heart of him shows thru me my companion the snake I feel loved. The lion the snake the eagle the buffalo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:07am

  583. 583: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle – straight, not that much

    1/4 tsp licked off the hand is all I need

    More if I’m diggin the feeling

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:08am

  584. 584: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Now I ordered some ‘true cinnamon ‘ from mountainroseherbs.com and I’m sucking chewing on a stick when I want some

    I can feel it in my pancreas right away.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:11am

  585. 585: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I put a little cinammon in my cereals every day.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:14am

  586. 586: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll try sucking on the stick, especially when I quit smoking soon.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:15am

  587. 587: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    584:

    What a great idea Francesca.
    Hmmm, in oatmeal should taste good too.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:16am

  588. 588: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know what caused my feeling bad last night.

    Maybe it was dehydration but I do drink lots of water every day.

    Maybe I didn’t drink it enough yesterday.

    That little episode really freaked me out and I keep thinking how it could happen while I’m at work or just running errands.

    And I kept thinking of my brother-in-law who died of aneurism years ago.

    He died five minutes after getting to the ER.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:18am

  589. 589: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    The thing is, it works Immediately to lower blood sugar, it’s not the kinda thing u take once a day whenever.

    Just when needed like when I ate too much sugar and I feel my blood buzzy

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:19am

  590. 590: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    The thing is, it works Immediately to lower blood sugar, it’s not the kinda thing u take once a day whenever.

    Just when needed like when I ate too much sugar and I feel my blood buzzy

    Or wen I’m having a candy party

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:20am

  591. 591: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Lilibee, cinnamon with oatmeal is yummy.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:20am

  592. 592: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca I felt very scared… When I did google research I found it was somewhat common for women, and usually won’t die unless kept forcibly upright

    I felt scared it would reoccur…didn’t have it again, almost did on another hot day

    Similar symptoms w buzzing in head yet lucid, fainted, couldn’t get up (getting up lost blood in head so fainted again) recovered w whole body sweat

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:23am

  593. 593: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    There were other triggers such as – fainting maids …
    Older times: corsets plus intense emotions, a loud noise that startles, stress, dehydration

    Fainting spells for women – when they described the symptoms they matched mine and yours so well I felt a bit reassured after a few days of no issues (I thought a restaurant person had poisoned me initially)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:26am

  594. 594: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    I was just up during the night and read a lot of my posts I submitted last year at this time. Boy, what a year it was!! I am almost ready to write a book about me and Steve..Love him and miss him so much..He maybe struggled to survive in some ways…but he truly was the most honorable man when it came to loving me and being the ultimate gentleman…in every sense of the word.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:28am

  595. 595: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    And I felt sleepy too afterwards, Lilibee.

    Also, before I fainted, I could feel a very strong tingling/vibration inside my whole torso and down to my belly then afterwards, I could feel it in my legs.

    I guess I’ll need to see a doctor sooner than later.

    I meant to go for my pre-menopausal symptoms anyway because what I’m taking atm is not working after all.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:28am

  596. 596: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel Embarassed of my victim dramaticness

    I’m noticing a ‘marijuana poison syndrome’ from this site about marijuana Overuse and effects on health that don’t feel good

    I’m doin the chi gong to balance it and use the energy in healthy ways not unbslanced

    I feel excited!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:30am

  597. 597: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Jeannette)))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:30am

  598. 598: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jeannette – I feel smily reading that :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:31am

  599. 599: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, what site is that?

    I’m interested in learning more about that.

    Thanks!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:33am

  600. 600: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Feels beautiful how you reunited and were there for him before he passed. I feel moved and wowed at what an intense and heart opening experience for you.

    Your heart is opening for happiness to flow in and meet the pool of love inside to radiate through you

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:36am

  601. 601: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking of ingesting stuff that make us feel good:

    I’ve read here, I think from Dominique I’m not sure, that probiotic yogourt is the best at helping our body absorb calcium.

    Well I would like to say a BIG THANK YOU! :)

    My nails have always been so brittle, and my energy level very low.
    I had been taking Ester-C vitamins and iron as I suspect I have difficiency in those.
    Then I heard Dr Oz say how greek probiotic yogourt is so high in protein and someone wrote about probiotic here.
    Well I got hooked on it, and my nails and hair have been growing like crazy!!! And my energy level is through the roof!!!

    For the 1st time in my life, I have long nails!
    I put pretty coloured nailpolish on them and it makes me feel so feminine.

    I had bought all these pretty glue-on nails, and tonight I have a chic ball to go to and I don’t need to use them.

    I don’t need to sleep as much as I used to, and I have been so energetic lately! without taking any supplements.
    I just make sure I get my iron through romain lettuce, beans and spinach.

    I buy vanilla greek probiotic yogourt, pour on some organic granola cereal and add berries on top for breakfast.
    Or I’ll just mix in some fresh fruit for dessert.

    I also buy tatziki made with greek probiotic yogourt.
    The garlic is great for the heart.
    I mix in chopped tomatoes and use it as salsa with my whole grain oven baked organic tortilla chips.
    I put in my sandwich wraps, I use it as dip with my raw veggies.

    What an amazing discovery! My body has been feeling so light and energetic, and my nails look great!

    1 small downside: I have to cut my bangs every 3 weeks instead of every 2 months. lol. I’ll put up with that.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:37am

  602. 602: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca – I feel kinda sad I don’t remember

    I’d try googling

    ‘fainting young women dehydration’

    Or

    ‘fainting young women dehydration death military blood to head’

    Bec deaths happened wen military personnel continued to hold fainting person upright.

    Those were all words in the article.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:40am

  603. 603: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Saturday Sirens:

    Another blog spamming by LoveAlways – thank you Rori for providing a safe place for these feelings and thank you Sirens for sharing and always having some type of support.

    No more kissing frogs for me. It feels bad now. I understand how to circular date. I’m about to start a whole new session, but no more frogs. I want to feel genuine about the guys I CD, I want to feel attraction, I want feel real.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:41am

  604. 604: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I want raw yoghurt

    What if I get raw milk and make it myself

    Hmm

    Can I milk a raccoon?

    Maybe get cow raw milk from the store

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:42am

  605. 605: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    Being able to release some triggers feels so exciting. I feel a little funny saying that, but can’t wait until I can do that too.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:43am

  606. 606: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I wanted my man exciting and intelligent: realizing I can appreciate the excitement and intelligence in Any man! Woohoo!

    And the flyness and coolness too!

    Do I dare? appreciate the flyness in someone my judges deemed not cool?

    I can! And in me too!

    Yay!

    I want to!

    I feel scsred’

    I feel excited!!!

    It will all get More cool rather than less so

    I won’t be deluding myself, I’ll be living a greater reality!

    I can trust me and my desires!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:47am

  607. 607: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    589:

    I’ll have a tall glass of water with cinnamon in it before I go to bed tonight.
    I’m going to a ballroom party where I’ll have dessert and plenty of drinks.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:48am

  608. 608: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Giving girl – I suggest as a step to new you changing your blog name to Receiving Girl

    Or maybe Receiving Love Goddess

    I know Femininewoman felt a shift when she changed her name from Masculine Woman.

    Names and words are important.., we choose

    What do you think?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:51am

  609. 609: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Vi)))

    I agree with Daria and Aurora Girl. I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship previously and he had no regard for me whatsoever. Unfortunately, this will never change.

    He also was a liar and played mind games. For example, I had already planned on breaking up with him (had made one attempt, but he physically trapped me until I took it back). I was having surgery and recovering at my parents house, so I planned on breaking up after I had recovered. When I was in the hospital, he didn’t come to visit me. He tried to put me and my parents against each other. He told me he was there, but my parents told him to leave and they wouldn’t let him see me. He told my parents that I said I didn’t want him to come. One day, my parents asked me and that is how we exchanged stories.

    It’s good for you to get away from this. I knew if I didn’t get away from mine, it would turn into physical abuse before long. I don’t know if that is the case for you too, but it is something to ponder.

    Take care of you and do what is good for you. You need to feel safe and if he doesn’t care whether or not you do, then he doesn’t deserve to be in your company.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:53am

  610. 610: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee – lol!

    I don’t think it works like that honey!

    I was saying, it has to be taken In The Moment with the sugar…

    Kinda like licking salt w your tequila shot..,

    It won’t extend effects over time

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:53am

  611. 611: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, that’s fine, don’t worry about it. :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:54am

  612. 612: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Francesa)))

    I feel scared for you. Did you call the doctor?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:54am

  613. 613: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry if I sound talking down… I feel good to share useful info and want to still be open to learning new ways too

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:55am

  614. 614: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    GG, thanks for your concern.

    No, I didn’t, since it happened last night – no doctors working on a Friday night here. :(

    I will go see one soon though.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:01am

  615. 615: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I’m feeling triggered by people talking about the doctor!

    I feel tense, like I’m not enough, not reassuring enough, being dismissed

    That feels bad I want to heal this

    Sigh

    I feel sad

    I want to feel trusted, powerful, important, useful

    Awww that feels lovely warm and strong

    Thank u

    I feel shaky and excited

    Mmmm. I can help heal u

    :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:04am

  616. 616: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling so much anger today… So M got shared custody of his kids yesterday, which is fantastic and I am so happy for them. I was in court with him for 3 days to support him. However, he signed an agreement with his ex wife that she can stay in the house another year and more (until July NEXT year), which means if the house is not sold we cannot move in together because he can’t afford it.
    I am soooo angry at myself. I don’t want to wait that long and I don’t want to CD. I did tell him that next year feels so far that it feels scary, to which he responded we could start looking for a house in Nov but we can’t buy anything until his house is sold. I feel second in all his choices. He could have paid alimony instead… Now he just bought another year to be ‘sure’ in my book. I do trust him to do the right thing. But do I really want to risk another year??? He knows I want a family life more than anything. I am angry, I feel trapped. I don’t want to CD at this point… I need ideas…

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:11am

  617. 617: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens,

    I could use a little help with brainstorming. I feel stuck and I need to get unstuck quickly.

    My final drawing project is a personality self-portrait. We had to collect adjectives from ourselves and other people to describe our personality. Then, we have to take those words and portray them in a drawing. It doesn’t have to be the typical self-portrait of the face, but my face could also be in there.

    My main adjectives are: overanalyzer, reflective, anxious, curious, honest, idealistic, stubborn, pragmatic, considerate, confined, reserved, introvert, shy, independent, unique, paradoxical, unforthcoming, composed, responsible, resilient, meticulous, capable, analytical, determined, deliberate, procrastinator, and frugal.

    My 1st idea was a puzzle, half done of my face, with a spot light on it, my mouth gagged, and my hand over one eye, with the remaining puzzle pieces scattered showing different aspects of me. My teacher said the puzzle piece idea is very common, so I don’t want to be common.

    She said she feels I am very contemplative, deliberate and most of my drawings are very analytical and symmetrical and I should play those things up.

    So, I have a wine rack, where every bottle is facing in a certain direction and symmetrical. My friends like to mess it up when they come over because they know it will bother me. So I thought of including that with one bottle in the wrong direction (in the background). Then I will have in the forefront on my counter, my computer, phone, to do lists, time schedule, books neatly stacked in order of size & bookmarked because I can never seem to finish an entire book. The books are about drawing, introvert, astrology, recipes, organizing, and being too nice. I will also have my puzzle drawing sketch. I thought about having my face appear behind the space in the wine rack, so I am not completely visible. Or have my shadow somewhere or just my hands working on my drawing.

    What do you think? I feel this isn’t all that interesting. Any comments or suggestions I would feel so appreciative of.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:13am

  618. 618: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I’m not dismissing you or your advices, I appreciate them.

    I feel I’ve tried pretty much every natural health products I could try in the last six months.

    I see these are not working so I’m going to have to give something else a try.

    I always prioritize natural health products, though.

    Then I’ll try traditional medicine if I don’t see any improvement.

    I guess I’m at that point now.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:13am

  619. 619: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I love what you wrote to Lily Medusa, and I feel my heart expanding with warmth because you took the time and care to do that. I wanted to answer her but didn’t know where to start.
    What you wrote has helped me, too.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:18am

  620. 620: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I need to think about me and my kids. I feel tired of bringing clothes and things to his place every week and it all feels so temporary because IT IS a temporary behavior to have 2 houses! Even my kid has to sleep at his house on a air mattress when he we lived together he couls sleep in his bed. It’s fine for a litle while, but another 14 months I can’t do. I am crying this morning because packing everything for the weekend to go to his place, I forgot towel for my little one’s swim lesson we go to on the way to M’s place. I can’t do it all and he just thinks about his kids needs and not the pain I go through to endure all this until we move in together. I understand his kids are his priority, mine are too, and right now this is not working for me.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:19am

  621. 621: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @572 Daria, you express FMs so well. I feel inspired by you.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:20am

  622. 622: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((Siren Angel)))))))))))))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:23am

  623. 623: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    About to throw in the towel. Why didn’t he just pay her friggin alimony instead? They have already been in that house 18 months more since their seperation! I feel he bought time to be sure. His living conditions are fine for him as I am the one coming over all the time. How do I make him understand that if we don’t move in together this summer, it’s over, I just can’t keep bringing stuff back and forth and I want stability. FRUSTRATED….

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:25am

  624. 624: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @600 Lilibee

    How long have you been eating the probiotic yogurt?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:26am

  625. 625: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Vi,

    558 – This is an abusive, toxic relationship.

    I know it’s hard to see clearly and know what’s what when you love someone. But I think of it like this for myself. Let’s say a man feeds me a nice steak dinner at a fancy restaurant once a month. And then the rest of the month he gives me crackers, water, and little else. Am I going to say he treats me well because of the once a month feast?

    You did well to set a boundary. I only hope you stay away and leave him permanently for your own safety and wellbeing.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:29am

  626. 626: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am thinking of telling him that ‘I feel very sad because I don’t know what to do. I feel a little trapped as I want a family life and I don’t want to wait another year’
    However, it feels like an ultimatum… It doesn’t sound as Sireny as I usually can be and I think it’s because I feel so much anger.maybe I should tell him I feel anger and ‘duped’.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:31am

  627. 627: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    So today I’m thinking, just for a little while :)
    I’m thinking about WHY I want a man, and how he would actually fit into my life – I’m thinking WHAT my happy ever after looks like.

    My first round of CDing led me to understand I’m not ready to get married right now. I just don’t know why, I don’t know when.

    It feels relaxing to think about this, I feel in control of my feelings

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:31am

  628. 628: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel, do you think these might be your NVs just talking?
    Is it possible he is just thinking of the kids, and that forcing them (and their mother) to move isn’t the best thing for them right now?
    Sorry you’re feeling so bad this morning. It feels shocking and unfair when all of a sudden our expectations get flipped over.
    I’m not saying it was right for him to make this decision without consulting you since you have expectations invested, too, but I’m not sure if you need to let your NVs take over here that he is just trying to buy time with you this way.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:33am

  629. 629: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @607 Daria

    When I first came here, I don’t recall who, but someone said, maybe one day your name will be Receiving Girl, instead of Giving Girl.

    I feel I’ve made baby steps, especially where Mr. Observant is concerned. I’ve been receiving and not doing (as much). I will really have to be mindful of this at my party in a couple of weeks. I will try my hardest not to “do” and just to “be”.

    I feel it’s a fine idea. You are so right that words we use make a difference. I am looking to change this part of me. It’s time to fake it until I make it, I suppose! :)

    Thank you!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:33am

  630. 630: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, from my next comment on, I will be called Receiving Girl, instead of Giving Girl! :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:35am

  631. 631: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @615 Siren Angel

    What about renting a place until you can buy? He’s not going to be living with his ex-wife in that house until next July, is he?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:38am

  632. 632: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Well, I’m GivingGirl until my comment is out of moderation because of the new name :)

    @615 Siren Angel

    What about renting a place until you can buy? He’s not going to be living with his ex-wife in that house until next July, is he?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:40am

  633. 633: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Good for you giving girl!!! I mean receiving girl :)
    That feels nice to hear

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:41am

  634. 634: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Gi vingGirl I fEel so tense reading the descriptions for the portrait. How about trying on the name changes Daria suggested as well as “acting as if”. Then rethinking what you want to portray. Could it possibly feel warm and inviting to onlookers?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:45am

  635. 635: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    It feels bad to believe CF will never speak to me again.
    I made that belief up, anyway.
    The truth is he’s not talking to me RIGHT NOW. He didn’t say he would never speak to me again and I am not psychic about the future.
    Why do I insist on clinging to the dramatic fear that he will never speak again?
    Can I go through life knowing, instead, that he is off in his cave and will come out when he is ready?
    Can I love him while he is in his cave?
    More importantly, can I love me?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:46am

  636. 636: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Love Always.

    FW – I know. I didn’t feel good with my adjectives. I feel closed off and rigid. Some of them feel good. I will think about your idea and see where I can go with it. Thank you.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:49am

  637. 637: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Starla

    Yes, you can love both of you while CF is in his cave. I feel you already do. Anger and fear are also a part of love. If you didn’t feel so strongly about CF, then you wouldn’t be feeling anger and fear so loudly. It is your choice and you can always make a different choice whenever you feel like it.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:55am

  638. 638: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I must have a friendly, safe aura about me. Animals and birds are attracted to me. I have multiple neighborhood cats that hang out in my yard. Last year and this year, a robin nested on my house and she’s not scared of me. She must sense that I am safe for her and her babies. Every time I go outside and come home I say, “hi mama” to her. When I was a kid, I played with every cat and dog on my street and they all were so friendly to me. The robins also keep my company when I am mowing the grass. It feels so good to be accepted by nature.

    It’s a different story for the bumble bees though. They seem to like to chase me.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:00am

  639. 639: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to energetically wait on any man unless it’s in response to a commitment.

    It would feel lighter and healthier to just bless his existence and his cave and turn all the concentrated energy back to me.

    There is enough energy to go around for all. If it isn’t feeling like that… then something’s wrong.

    There is much energy for him in the energetic fallout from my own explosive, passionate, self-directed existence. My blessings are *enough*.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:01am

  640. 640: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel your FM does not fEel like an ultimatum to me. It feels authentic. It is a difficult situation and you don’t want to fall apart. I believe most men wouldve made that choicE. I know several who have. I would express my feelings and a choice to step back a little to think and feel what the new situation is bringing to my life. I appreciate that a man will want to protect and provide for his kids at the expense of his own comfort.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:03am

  641. 641: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    My adjectives feel more like masculine energy, don’t they?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:04am

  642. 642: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, thank you. You are right my NVs are high strung right now.

    I love your post on commitment. I feel sorry about you and CF. I know you had so high hopes (((((((Starla)))))) I still believe he may very well come back and step up.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:07am

  643. 643: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Divorce is hard on everyone involved and a good man will want to lessen the impact on his kids. He might be hurting from the relationship falling apart but wanting to take care of the kids to compensate for their emotional trauma will be a priority for him. Talk to people around you and see what their experience has been.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:09am

  644. 644: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    This is a nice article on male/female energy.

    http://www.michaelteachings.com/m-f_ratio.html

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:10am

  645. 645: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((Siren Angel’s NVs)))))))))))))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:11am

  646. 646: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Giving girl I would use something with the aura and the animals especially the bird. The bumble bees might be attracted to sweetness is what came to mind. Honey or pollen. The new name could take a while to come out of moderation.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:13am

  647. 647: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Giving girl I would use something with the aura and the animals especially the bird. The bumble bees might be attracted to sweetness is what came to mind. Honey or pollen. The new name could take a while to come out of moderation.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:13am

  648. 648: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hehehe I barely even noticed that I am feeling so much better today than I did all week:)
    (((((((time)))))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:14am

  649. 649: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca,

    567 – I’m glad you’re all right! that happens to me, too. Not nearly as often as it used to. I haven’t been able to afford the series of tests my doctor recommended some years back.

    I told her that I think it is related to when I have sugar in my system. She didn’t think it was related but I do. I find it rarely happens when I have been eating little or no sugar – did you see a connection there?

    She told me to ward it off, until I can get tests, to move my legs around before I get up. That is, to not get up suddenly. That is the way I keep it under control. For me, it never lasts more than a few seconds. I will black out just as you described, where I am conscious (once or twice I lost consciousness for a few seconds) but have to go limp and flat.

    Once it happened at work where I was standing behind a chair one moment, and the next I was on my knees, completely out of my control. The worst time was in 1990 or so, when I had way too much sugar the night before on an empty stomach. I was outside with a group and I completely fainted, falling face first on an outside air conditioning unit.

    Fortunately there was a nurse there in my group. They rushed me to the hospital, where a plastic surgeon sewed up my face. I had completely split my lip plus a spot above my lip and below my nose.

    Typically when I stand up after sitting for a while, I stretch and plan to sit immediately back down. That and limiting sugar work for me.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:19am

  650. 650: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I intend to notice my relief as much as I notice my discomfort.
    I always feel guilty when a bothersome headache stops and I realize later that I didn’t even notice my headache went away.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:20am

  651. 651: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    623:

    Hi GG,

    It’s been around 2 months and the effects started showing on my nails within 2 weeks.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:38am

  652. 652: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    629:

    Yey!!! Getting into your feminine energy!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:39am

  653. 653: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I could draw an open book being read in the forefront, titled introvert’s advantage (suggesting shy/reserved), showing my hands only. As the background progresses, I can have a blanket over my legs (suggesting softness) and an open window with flowing curtains (suggesting calm and inviting) and the robin’s nest outside the window view (suggesting nurturing).

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:41am

  654. 654: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee, thank you.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:43am

  655. 655: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW, his ex wife is bleeding him and she keeps the kids in a state of ‘stupor’ even implying one of them is special needs (just ADD, like one of mine btw) so needs to stay in house. It is obvious to him and everyone around us that it is time for them to move on. He agrees with this yet signed this agreement and it makes me so angry because I have to wait because of his ex’s manipulation. Yes, it was for the kids before but now we know, even him, that this has dragged on way too long.

    One piece of advice for you all beautiful Sirens, Seperated but undivorced men are a no-no. I would not start another relationship with an undivorved man again. His divorce may be finalized in the fall and now he says even maybe next spring!!! This Siren really feels like changing water currents…

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:46am

  656. 656: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW, his ex wife is bleeding him and she keeps the kids in a state of ‘stupor’ even implying one of them is special needs (just ADD, like one of mine btw) so needs to stay in house. It is obvious to him and everyone around us that it is time for them to move on. He agrees with this yet signed this agreement and it makes me so angry because I have to wait because of his ex’s manipulation. Yes, it was for the kids before but now we know, even him, that this has dragged on way too long.

    One piece of advice for you all beautiful Sirens, Seperated but undivorced men are a no-no. I would not start another relationship with an undivorved man again. His divorce may be finalized in the fall and now he says even maybe next spring!!! This Siren really feels like changing water currents…

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:46am

  657. 657: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove @ 647

    I’m trying to recall everything I ate throughout the day yesterday:

    - Coffee and peanut butter toasts with honey and strawberry jam for breakfast

    - A tuna salad for lunch (romaine, onions, celery, cucumber slices and cherry tomatoes)

    - Stuffed vine leaves and black olives for appetizer at supper, then a tomato sandwich with a few slices of cheese.

    I had a few chocolate cookies for dessert but that’s it.

    I also had two glasses of wine, one during supper and one after, so it’s not like I overdid it.

    I don’t know what caused that. I keep wondering if it wasn’t caused by the fact that I’m sweating so much because of pre-menopausal symptoms that my body is lacking water.

    I just had greek yogourt and I have to make sure to drink lots of water today.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:01am

  658. 658: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    615:

    (((SirenAngel))),

    I see alot of insecurity where 1 extra year may give him room to change his mind about your relationship.
    How you describe the situation, makes that look heavier than the having to bring your stuff to his place all the time.
    This is only my perspective, I may be totally wrong.

    Having to pack a bag to go to D’s place felt like a big burden to me when I felt insecure in where I stood in our relationship.

    Now feeling more secure in the relationship, even if we are still waiting to move in together, I don’t feel it a burden to go spend time at his place anymore.

    Feeling confident that the relationship will naturally go where it will go, without any feeling of urgency and any attachment to outcome…I can feel relaxed, go w the flow and find solutions for having to drag my stuff to his place.

    I keep a double of my personal hygiene stuff at his house and only need to bring my clothes when I go over.
    He likes to come to my place alot more often than before.

    Sink into those urgency, anxious feelings.
    Another 18 months does not mean that you will not get what you want.
    However, I can see how it would have felt nice for him to check in with you before he agreed to that arrangement.

    I’m just throwing in all thoughts to help you consider any possibility and help you sink into your feelings to get to a peaceful place.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:09am

  659. 659: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    LilliBee,

    580 – I take cinnamon by the capsule. It is very inexpensive at a lot of stores, including WalMart, which is where I get it. No muss, no fuss, and my burps taste yummy, LOL!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:11am

  660. 660: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    F,

    655 – typing w one hand here…

    dehydration seems to be a common theme. Just be aware of moments u stand up suddenly…do it gently.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:13am

  661. 661: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    IK and Rose, I appreciate what you’re saying…it’s coming from a very loving place. But I love Steve so so very much and I can’t see myself with anyone else..I can’t even explain it what-so-ever..But yes, of course I am lonely..I just love him so much..He’s my hero and my true love. I want to be with him in the next life.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:26am

  662. 662: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    654:

    I see so many men being held hostage by their exes.
    Even with the divorce being finalized, the tie with the kids remains and they can still be held hostage then.
    Taking a good long look at my own feelings and triggers helped me a great deal with that kind of tie to the ex.
    Even with the divorce settled and over for a year, I still had triggers where I would feel that he was held hostage for his son and I was put on the back burner.
    It’s funny how that perception and triggers melted away after I delt w my own feelings about it and stopped telling him what to do about it.

    SA, sharing your feelings like in your FM will do wonders for you.
    It was all about you and you weren’t telling him what to do. It felt liberating to read.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:28am

  663. 663: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    657:

    hihi :) Thanks Radlove. I go to Wal-mart’s all the time. I’ll check it out.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:30am

  664. 664: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca,

    PS…sounds yummy and healthy! Maybe different things affect different people. Maybe the excessive sugar in me causes dehydration.

    I do know for a fact that what happens at that moment is low blood pressure. My doctor checked my blood pressure in different positions. When I stood up suddenlly, it was definitely low.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:30am

  665. 665: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel

    oh I can sense your frustration through your words…….these things feel out of your control because they are…..divorce can be complicated when so many lives are involved…

    what if you didn’t personalize this decision about mom and the kids being able to stay in the house for another year…..what if you could see it as a blessing….what if it actually could buy you some time to see what this fellow is really like once he has stopped negotiating with his wife and then can put the focus on you IF HE IS CAPABLE of doing so….if he is their father these children will be a part of your life too in some way if you stay with him…..what if you found a way to be supportive and think outside the box……showing him the kind of Siren you are because you know that his kids being ok means he will also be ok…..

    court decisions are often related to other things….he may have negotiated this (or his lawyer may have) so that he can have other things ……a year may actually go by quickly….

    how can you walk through this like the class act that you are without fear chasing your heels?

    xo
    Aurora

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:36am

  666. 666: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    660 Lilibee

    “perception and triggers melted away after I delt w my own feelings about it and stopped telling him what to do about it.”

    that takes courage for sure Lilibee but most certainly the class act way to go…..feels so much better to be in that head space! I agree !

    Siren Angel….if it helps you can certainly keep processing here…..
    xo

    Aurora

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:40am

  667. 667: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I finally really needed money and had to ask LP this week. Since he saw me in my work dress he hasn’t left me alone. I got to tell him that I don’t even feel like we are friends anymore and it feels bad to not be contacted for weeks. He invited me to the animal races today and I am going reluctantly.

    Music man has really stepped up. He bought me a little something and it was so sweet that he thought of me. I let him stay the night but told him I wasn’t ready for sex and he said okay.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:40am

  668. 668: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    664:

    Thanks Aurora Girl, that feels good to read.

    Focusing completely on my own feelings and not her and him, I realized that my trigger was my own stuff.
    I was feeling threatened and insecure.
    I don’t feel that way anymore.
    I just share how I feel without trying to control.
    He feels alot more comfortable without the pressure, so he makes more space for me and the ex doesn’t take up as much space anymore.
    He’s also looking more confident to stand up for what he wants and step up…just by me not being so threatening, controlling and spazzed out as I used to be, I’m sure.
    He’s puffing up his chest proud to be a man :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 9:09am

  669. 669: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    665:

    SG, I’m really liking this musicman! :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 9:10am

  670. 670: RavenquileNo Gravatar says:

    DARIA,

    YOU, MADAME, ARE DECIDEDLY HORNY!

    LOL!

    The Ravenquile

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 9:20am

  671. 671: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I gotta hit the shower and get all pretty for the ball tonight.

    D helped me pick my dress last night.
    I felt like such a hottie trying on the dresses and seeing him staring with a big grin.
    He says he’s never had a gf who likes to dress up all ladylike in feminine dresses. He loves it.

    I’ll be wearing a long sleek black dress with gold high heeled sandals, a small gold handbag and gold (fake) jewellery.
    It looks so chic with my dark hair.

    I got my hair to do
    my skin bronzer to slather on
    my pedicure to do
    my nails to paint
    my eyecontacts to put on
    my makeup…ooh la la lots of work to look sexy…but I’ll feel so pretty :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 9:25am

  672. 672: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling ok today but I skipped my workout this morning, just in case.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 9:32am

  673. 673: Memulo says:

    SA,

    I can so relate to the frustration feeling about having my life impacted seriously because of someone’s manipulation.. So sorry you are in this position!

    Was also wondering if renting a place is an option? How about getting engaged and renting a place? With a wedding date in a year? Or closer.. right after his divorce

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 9:51am

  674. 674: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    woah. i ALMOST started cruising online dating ads to see if CF has a profile up somewhere.
    OMG. No, Starla, NO! Stop!
    ((((((((((((Starla)))))))))))))
    Get up and turn the energy toward yourself!!
    ((((((((((Me))))))))))))))))0

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 9:54am

  675. 675: Memulo says:

    SA,

    Not an ultimatum, but sharing your goals and wants for your romantic life.. expressing how you feel.. with an appreciation of how good a father he is of course.. but seriously stating what you want for YOU

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 9:57am

  676. 676: Memulo says:

    Starla,

    I am sorry for saying it but I’m starting to feel anger when I see you wondering whether HE will be talking to you or not.. I keep on asking myself – will Starla be talking to him? Poofing like that after 9 months is not good in my book. By not good I mean cowardly and selfish above anything else. Maybe it’s a matter of personal preference but I can’t stand cowards. I know that when it matters the most (to me) they would do it again. When I am saying ‘I know’ it is based on personal experience.. and unfortunately this part never failed to prove itself (for me).

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:04am

  677. 677: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Re dating ads: I almost did the same thing last night! I’m glad i just went to sleep instead. Love to us.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:12am

  678. 678: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    #637
    Starla that feels really good to hear and I will keep that thought in my mind today……

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:15am

  679. 679: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    674 Memulo, thank you for being so protective of me. I feel really looked after and supported:):):)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:32am

  680. 680: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song, woah, we’re awesome. i don’t know about you, but in the past i seriously used to go cyberstalking. so not good for me or my vibe.
    so f*ck that, I have my fabulous life to live and I’m too busy.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:34am

  681. 681: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel it is a lesson yes. Changing water currents might be the best option but being angry about his decision in my humble opinion is self sabotage no matter how many people agree she is bleeding him. It is for him to see and accept that and handle it. In other words his business. Men with such unsettled business is difficult situation to navigate. I hear your anger but having seen something similar in my familiar where my female cousin was the wife with two kids and was the original one paying the mortgage I have seen all kinds of things. All I can tell you is that I don’t believe I would be upheaving my children’s lives with the back and forth and can understand why you would be angry. However, the way that I see in this scenario is taking 100% responsibility for your own life.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:35am

  682. 682: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    yeah starla it just feels bad.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:40am

  683. 683: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    starla, let’s be on team not-stalking.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:42am

  684. 684: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    siren angel,

    i felt the same way about guy who loves me. i stayed at his house all the time and it felt bad to live out of my purse. i think it was making it way too easy for him.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:45am

  685. 685: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    also, i leaned forward in an email last night to get my stuff from his house. he said he wants to keep my shirts around because they smell like me and that he is mad that i don’t speak to him when we’re in the same room. (like at that party yesterday).

    i feel confused. he didn’t approach me either. i don’t want to seem cold to him. i just don’t want to seem lean forwardy.

    he won’t talk to me but he wants to keep my shirts.

    i have no idea what to do, so i am going to do nothing, i guess.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:51am

  686. 686: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!

    Hi Healing Waterfall! Yes I am still here! Just don’t find time to write as much as I use to. Also don’t feel the need to come and write everything like before. Everything seems so easy lately, I don’t have to think about everything, they just happen!

    Just a little update for you sirens :)

    You remember this week I was feeling sad and panicky about ATW because I thought he was lying about the phone? Well this last only these few hours. I decided to use Memulo and Aurora’s advice and believe he was saying the truth and was trying to reassure me and I immediately felt better and lighter and didn’t thought about it afterwards. I don’t even really remember what I was blaming him for!

    The next day, I even called him for this job thing and he had nice words and nice advices.

    Actually, things are going great with him, we are still on the good road we started to take 2 weeks ago. He is very nice, I callhim sometimes and so does he. He seems to be talking good care of me also, more than usual.

    On Thursday, I went out with my collegues and ended up too drunk to drive my car.I called him to ask if he could pick me up. He suggested that I took a cab to his place, and he would give me money so I can get to my place. He gave me 50$ for the cab (!!!) and when I got to his place, he was very nice with me, and said that he didn’t want to loose me (by drinking and driving) and everything. The next day, I wanted to text him thank you, but I didn’ thad time and finally, he ended up texting me asking if I was ok and feeling better. Awww :)

    So that’s it. Like I said, things feel pretty easy and light.

    RamadanCD is still texting me many times a day. I had to cancel our plansyesterday becauseI was too hangover. I reinvited me for tonight but I just said yes to a girl friend to have a BBQ with her at her place.

    E also texted me yesterday to go out. He is weird, he has a girlfriend… And lately he’s been leaning forward a little. MAybe it’s just to be friends? Actually we were friends in the past when I was the one with a boyfriend and he was the single one… But maybe things are not going so great with his girlfriend? It seems like he is never with her… Anyway, not really my business. If he invites me again, I’ll gladly say yes for a friendly date,and yes, I’m open to more if things are going bad with his girl friend. I’m up to anything. :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:52am

  687. 687: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca – oh! I didn’t mean you were neglecting mu advices! I was just having a trigger moment and I want you to feel encouraged by me !

    (((Francesca)))

    I believe the Goddess in you knows what to do to heal you

    are you saying ur thinking this is related to other challenges you’re having with pre-menopause? I wouldn’t go the western medicine way on that – I find the substsnces i expect prrscribed – hormonal stuff – dangerous and harmful for my self )

    It may indeed be related to premenopausr that u experienced this fainting

    Sometimes I feel drawn to and use western medicine stuff as well! It’s all on what I feel and my intuition. I trust myself and I know you can trust yourself too. I trust you :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:59am

  688. 688: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    hi lizka!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:59am

  689. 689: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song, lol the team name makes me feel like i’m really creepy but i’m still down for it:D

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:06am

  690. 690: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I’m noticing I felt compassion that someoneight have felt pain triggered by my words.

    Then I felt all scared or rushed to ‘explain’ and make better.

    I’m noticing I think this is a natural thing … Running in to help

    Hmmm

    I would want to be aware not rushed going in!

    Hmm

    I want to heal this : oh no! Oh my! A misunderstanding/problem

    Rush in to fix as soon as possible, even letting awareness slack

    I can do this!

    I wonder what beliefs are to shift here

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:07am

  691. 691: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    yeah you are right.

    team eyes on your own plate?

    i’m bad at this naming thing today.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:08am

  692. 692: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and you know what?

    You know this guy who is in the training with me at work but who is from another city and has a girl friend?

    OMG he is sooo hot. We’ve got to know each other more in the last 3 weeks and really, he is exactly the kind of guy that I want in my life. He is so funny and makes me laugh and we can have good conversations and we have fun together. But yes yes, I know, he has a girl friend. But there is also something suspicious about this girlfriend. And when we were partying on Thursday night, he was telling me something about his relationship and it seems like he was going to tell me something but then someone arrived and he switched the conversation saying “anyway, we’ll talk about this later”.

    Lol you must think I am out of my mind. I am not expecting anything. This guy just made me realised the kind of man I want in my life. He looks a lot like ATW, has travel a lot, likes to have fun, doesn’t take life too seriously, but he seems more stable.

    And I’m trying to focus now that “anything could happen”. So I’m not blocking any opportunity. We never know. We never know if ATW is gonna fall in love with me and not leave for another trip around the world, we never know if the cute guy from work is breaking up with his girlfriend and the door is wide open. We never know if I’m going to meet the man of my life at my girl friend’s BBQ tonight, or while I’m doing my jogging tomorrow, or Monday at work. We never know. And there is no way to know so I am not rushing things and I am not thinking too much about it. I am just leaving all the doors open, accepting every invitation and hoping to receive the best from life.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:10am

  693. 693: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi siren song!!!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:12am

  694. 694: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    OH my god!

    A few months ago, I was crying my life because I had no one inviting me to parties or date or stuff. I’ve been awake for 2 hours today, and already received 4 invitations!! Can you believe it? How my life has changed in just a few weeks!!

    1. My Florida friends invited me to a BBQ to her new place for tonight

    2. One if my best friend invited me for drinks on a patio for next Saturday

    3. RamadanCD asked me out for tonight which I had to refused because I already said yes to the BBQ.

    4. ModelCD just texted me for another BBQ tonight!!

    I don’t know what to do with ModelCD. I really want to see him and I thought I could go quickly to my Florida Friend’s BBQ and then go to ModelCD’s BBQ but I feel it’s unfair because RamadanCD asked me out before and if I have time later, it’s with him that I should go out after my friend’s BBQ… But I have to admit that going out with ModelCD feels more exciting… But I know I should treat all my CDs the same…

    I haven’t say yes or no to ModelCD. Should I tell him I am already busy with a girl friend’s BBQ but that I feel disappointed and I wish we will have time soon?

    What would you do if you were me sirens?

    Go with the fair thing and go only to the friend’s bbq becauseit’s the more sireny thing to do?

    Move my schedule to make time for ModelCD even if I said no to RamadanCD because it’s exciting and I want to have an exciting life?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:21am

  695. 695: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel the need to write..

    My mom had a heart attack Thursay evening and has to have a quad bypass on Tuesday. It is bringing up all sorts of issues and dscussions…things that are not healed between us but I am going to let that go because we both did the best we could do..

    Please say a prayer for my Mom.

    (((((((((((MOM))))))))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:22am

  696. 696: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Lizka!!!!!! :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:28am

  697. 697: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    690:

    My little sunshine! You’re back!

    I’m so glad to see that you’re doing so great :)

    You got this easygoing vibe and it looks so good from here :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:29am

  698. 698: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    692:

    I’m not putting in my 2 cents, except to say sink into your feelings to find out which option makes you feel best.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:31am

  699. 699: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    My mom had a heart attack on Thursday evening and has to have a quadruple bypass on Tuesday. Wow, this has brought up a bunch of unfinished business and discussions about “plans” for when she does pass. Not anything I had really thought about but now that we know her wishes, it seems to feel okay.

    Please add my mom to your prayer lists…

    (((((((((((((((Mom)))))))))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:40am

  700. 700: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((lilybelly))) (((lilybelly’s Mom)))

    You are both in my prayers. Praying for a successful surgery and speedy recovery.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:42am

  701. 701: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    ((Lilybelly)) ((lillybelly’s mom))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:44am

  702. 702: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    ((Lilybelly)) ((lillybelly’s mom))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:47am

  703. 703: Lily MedusaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,
    I feel wonderful and soft and warm and very appreciative that you took the time to write me such a detailed, insightful response. Everything you said was right on. Commitment Blueprint sounds like a great choice. I’ll be buying it soon. I feel really good about the script you suggested. I will use something very close to that when it comes up again.

    April Rose, I also appreciate you for mentioning me. Thank you for thinking about responding to me. I feel a vibe of love and care resonating from your comment.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:48am

  704. 704: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Daria
    Raw milk……
    yes, I have made yogurt with raw milk before….
    i think it is legal to purchase raw milk in a store in your state….
    regardless, even though raw milk is nutritionally superior to pasteurized milk, it can be contaminated with the shiga-toxin producting E. coli serotype, E. coli 01H7:57. There are dairies that sell raw milk that test for this pathogen, so please be aware…..I teach nutrition and lecture about this pathogen and the infection is not pretty and can be very severe.

    That said, I do purchase raw milk from a very clean dairy that I have visited and I know that the farmer is aware of E.coli 01H7:57 and is incredibly scrupulous.

    So I make my own yogurt and if you are interested in a truly raw yogurt, you only raise the temperature of the milk to 118 degrees F. If you just want to make regular yogurt, just follow the original directions for making yogurt…

    hope this helps….homemade yogurt tastes incredibly yummy!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:48am

  705. 705: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Heres the article I might have read about fainting:

    http://www.yalemedicalgroup.org/stw/Page.asp?PageID=STW000326

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:50am

  706. 706: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow right on healing waterfall! Thanks for the detailed info I’m feeling excited to learn.

    There is a store i know here carrying raw milk but Wholefoods stopped

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:54am

  707. 707: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    ((((lilybelly’s mom))))

    (((lilybelly))))

    ~~~~~*****~~~~~~good healing vibes to your mom and love in all forms

    xo
    Aurora

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:56am

  708. 708: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((lilybelly)))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:57am

  709. 709: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka!
    yay!!!

    so cool…have fun with it……

    xo
    Aurora

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:57am

  710. 710: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Lilybelly))))) hugs and good happy blissful joyful laughing soothing feelings for mom too

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:57am

  711. 711: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee

    I am so excited for you….and so happy when I read how you are getting ready for tonight….

    Oh I hope you have a lovely time!

    xo
    Aurora

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:58am

  712. 712: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Giving Girl~

    I feel happy to hear you are changing your name to Receiving Girl.

    I know how hard it is to make the switch from giving to receiving AND feel believe that you deserve it but I am here to tell you that it makes a huge difference in how you and any CD relate to one another.

    With my J…(sigh :-) ) he gives constantly, and I don’t mean in physical things, although he certainly does that…I don’t pay for anything..he wouldn’t hear of it, but in the ways that are really important to me..emotionally and the letting go of needing to give, be and do was so freeing.

    I feel excited to watch you take this step.

    xoxo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:59am

  713. 713: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ah the super moon tonight…big and bright and beautiful….even brighter than last night………..

    illuminating Sirens everywhere….

    :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:59am

  714. 714: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Lilybelly)))))

    (((((Lilibelly’s mom))))))

    I’m so sorry to hear that.

    It’s weird, I woke up in panic this morning, I had a dream that I was running with my mom and she had a heart attack… Wow I have shivers reading that it really happened to your mom.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:00pm

  715. 715: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll go run and find out then what to do with exciting vs sireny. Running always helps me to see clearer.

    Later sirens!!! xoxo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:02pm

  716. 716: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    710:

    It’s so cloudy here…I feel doubtful we will even get to see that beautiful moon. It’s now starting to rain…

    I am setting my intentions for clearing this evening so I will be able to stand out under the moon and soak it up.

    :-)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:02pm

  717. 717: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    683 siren song

    wow….he feels comfort having your shirts……that is so cool……what an impression you have on him…..

    I like the idea of leaning back….
    just the visual of it….the erect posture…standing tall…..gives space to the sternum bone…the heart….the core power chakra……

    leaning back is a place of self confidence and power…..

    love it!
    Aurora

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:02pm

  718. 718: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Chickies….
    cool article….

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/keldjensen/2012/04/12/intelligence-is-overrated-what-you-really-need-to-succeed/

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:08pm

  719. 719: RavenquileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, in all seriousness, this stuff is New Age Lies, should be thrown in the trash. All New Age and other alien Spirituality-based stuff is completely twisted, and should not be considered at all by anyone.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:10pm

  720. 720: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Sirens))))

    Thank you for the loving support!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:15pm

  721. 721: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelly

    Thank you for your support. I feel appreciative.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:15pm

  722. 722: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Ravenquil?

    Seriously?? I feel super curious about disregarding and dismissing other peoples beliefs. Its part of what makes life so interesting and fun. Calling it twisted feels terribly judgemental and disrespectful.

    (((((Daria))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:22pm

  723. 723: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    The sun is so beautiful today.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:22pm

  724. 724: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria @ 685

    Yes, that’s what they are, the wonderful pre-menopausal symptoms. I’ve been experiencing severe symptoms lately and whatever it is I’m trying is just not working. Dominique gave me really good advices and suggested different things to try but unfortunately, they are not powerful enough.

    I’m afraid it’s all related, somehow. Hormones out of whack and what have you, stress, fatigue from not sleeping thru the night, waking up because I’m all sweaty and such. Not to mention the other fun symptoms I’m experiencing, like vaginal dryness.

    Hours and hours of fun! Woot!!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:23pm

  725. 725: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    perfect timing perfect timing

    i just met a great guy and am so scared I’m going to sabotage this.

    this article was so timely and helpful. lets see if I can put it into practice tonight…

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:38pm

  726. 726: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    oh my gosh i had the best chat over breakfast with an old friend who is a very famous ex-soccer player and has a way with women! he said “men are so simple, there’s only 2 things you need to know…..keep the sex interesting, like a game, lingerie, make him wait for it etc ……and never ever let a man think he owns you, always be on that thin line by going on other dates or just turning him down occasionally, that just keeps him chasing you ever so slightly, never let him think he has you hook line and sinker” …..so simple and so obvious!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:43pm

  727. 727: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I went to run and found the solution about my issue of acting sireny or going with exciting stuff.

    I texted ModelCD “I feel a little bit rush as I already have plans to go BBQ at my friend’s house. Maybe I can join you later if this party doesn’t end too late?”

    Lol he replied “Hmmmmm! BBQ competition!”

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:51pm

  728. 728: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    #696: lilybelly

    i’m so sorry. please take care of yourself too, sometimes when a loved one gets sick, we can neglect ourselves. And this is when we need to be strongest – physically and emotionally. So i hope you eat and sleep as much as you can, and take time to meditate.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 12:52pm

  729. 729: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and he replied “i think me and you will have a special bbq”.

    I said haha and then he went “K sexy I’ll see u later. Call me when u free up fir me”

    That feels cute and exciting. I really think I did a great thing chossing a mix of exciting thing to do.

    But I feel bad because I could have done the same type of agreement with RamadanCD who asked me out first… Hmmm poor RamadanCD.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 1:00pm

  730. 730: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel doubly nervous about my drawing since Mr. Observant would like to see it. I feel pressure to perform and I can’t decide what I want to draw because I feel nervous about all of my ideas. :(

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 1:31pm

  731. 731: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    716: Ravenquile says:

    “Daria, in all seriousness, this stuff is New Age Lies, should be thrown in the trash. All New Age and other alien Spirituality-based stuff is completely twisted, and should not be considered at all by anyone.”

    Wow, your statement feels twisted and negative.

    I feel curious WHY are you on this blog if this is your belief? Are you looking for followers or something? I feel your comments need to be ignored and never responded to going forward?

    What do you think?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 1:36pm

  732. 732: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, blue rose. I needed that gentle reminder.

    Xoxo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 1:43pm

  733. 733: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelly, keeping your mom in my thoughts.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 1:49pm

  734. 734: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I just saw him in a car with another woman. I feel like i’m going to throw up.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 1:50pm

  735. 735: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #608,
    (((((((((GivingGirl)))))))))) Thank you for sharing your experience! I feel encouraged. It seems I’m also in transition from Giving to Receiving girl now – literally. Love to you!!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:05pm

  736. 736: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #624
    Radlove, I feel your support and it feels SO good.
    He called today and said “he overreacted a little” and no sorrys.
    We set up time for a talk today in the evening.
    I am sitting at a coffee shop now, enjoying coffee and the music and feeling good except stiffness in my chest and shoulders..
    I am going to stick to… oh .. there is not even much I’d like to say to him.. “It feels bad to be talked to that way. I feel angry and I feel disrespect. I don’t want to feel that way with a man”…

    What do you think?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:08pm

  737. 737: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ravenquille –

    Here’s an article I feel excited about (linked by Giving Girl… thank you Giving Girl!) :

    Male/Female Energy Ratio

    BY SHEPHERD HOODWIN  

    Each soul has a certain percentage of male energy and female energy, regardless of the gender of the physical body. For example, a man or a woman might have thirty-three percent male energy/sixty-seven percent female energy. The exact complement is a partner with a ratio of sixty-seven/thirty-three. All else being equal, you have more balancing sex with someone whose male/female energy ratio complements yours. Finding balance, of course, is very satisfying, but you might still be satisfied with a partner whose ratio does not balance yours.

    Male energy is directed, focused, goal-oriented, productive, and outward-thrusting or positive-charged (as in a magnet). It corresponds with linear, left-brained thinking, and with doing. Its positive pole (as I channeled it) is exertion and penetration; its negative pole is intrusion. Female energy is creative, process-oriented, unstructured, and inward-drawing or negative-charged. It corresponds with circular, right-brained thinking, and with being. Its positive pole is expansion and generation; its negative pole is chaotic destruction. Female energy conditions the environment, whereas male energy structures it. The male body is designed to put male energy forward, and the female body is designed to put female energy forward, so there is a masculinity just from being in a male body, even when the soul is high in female energy, and vice versa. All else being equal, a man with seventy-five percent male energy is more focused and has more “drive” (not necessarily inappropriately) than a man with forty-five percent male energy, because there is more male energy there to put forward. Of course, the reverse is true regarding female energy and women.

    Our male/female energy ratio remains constant from lifetime to lifetime. Although there are those who have a very high percentage of either male or female energy, most of my clients are fairly balanced in their male/female energy ratio, having no less than about thirty percent of each, making it easier to have a fairly complete experience of both sides of the creative process on earth. However, I’ve never run into anyone having precisely fifty percent of each. This suggests that our essence almost always likes to have at least a slight emphasis one way or another. Perhaps this is because a little imbalance promotes movement; a ratio of exactly fifty/fifty could create an internal stalemate. However, the universe itself contains a balance of male and female energies.

    I sense a subtle “shift” when crossing the line from forty-nine/fifty-one to fifty-one/forty-nine. In other words, it is significant which energy is dominant, even if that dominance is slight in terms of percentage. This doesn’t imply, however, that if female energy is dominant, one is a female soul, or vice versa; the soul is without gender.

    Male/female energy ratio has little to do with societal concepts about masculinity and femininity. Male energy is defined as how much of the soul’s energy is goal-directed (focused in outer world productivity) and how much is process-oriented (more concerned with generating inner world atmosphere and possibility). A man can be masculine, in terms of how most Americans think of it, and have higher female energy–he will likely be more laid back and less career-oriented than if he had higher male energy.  Warriors and kings are action-oriented by nature, so even a high female-energy warrior or king will need to be productive. It can hard to differentiate the focus of male energy and the action orientation of warriors and kings.  Higher female energy suggests that the warrior or king will be more inclined to be productive in a lot of different directions, such as in puttering around the house, whereas higher male energy suggest more focus on one project in the outer world.

    Warriors and kings have more trouble with their feminine sides, although they can be just as feminine as anyone else, in the true sense of the word–it just doesn’t look like our society’s picture of that, and if they are trying to conform to it unsuccessfully, they will reject it.

    People with very high male energy tend to be workaholics, to the exclusion of the more internal and home aspects of life.

    Having high male energy doesn’t necessarily look like our culture’s definition of masculinity. One can be gentle and sweet and have high male energy. In general, the expression and inspiration roles look more feminine, so a higher male energy priest might look less masculine than a higher female energy warrior, according to our societal stereotypes. Imprinting also plays a part in how someone looks. The ratio specifically applies to the extent to which one’s energy is directed. There is a subtle feeling about these energies that you pick up after a while that is different from our stereotypes; for me, it is like an emanation from our center that is focused to a varying extent, like a piece of pie that can be narrow (more male energy) or wide (more female energy). Theoretically, total female energy is radiant in all directions at once, and total male energy is laser beam-like, completely focused, but we are all a blend of these two to some extent. Someone not being career oriented because he wanted time to write could still be validation of higher male energy if his true career was his writing, and he was focusing himself in that one direction when he could. He might be at home but directing his energies out of the home through his writing–his actions were not home-oriented.

    Priests have a paradox, in that they are very powerful and concentrated in a fluid (feminine) way, yet our culture has assigned the concept of power to the masculine.

    In a male body, the male energy is usually forward–the lessons are predominantly about male energy, no matter how much there is. Also, imprinting can affect how that manifests.

    Many people are at least somewhat bisexual, and everyone can at least receive sensual pleasure from either gender; perhaps true bisexuality might be defined as the ability to be orgasmic with either sex. One Michael channel I trust got that 100% of females and 25% of males are bisexual, although I’m not sure how that was defined there. It depends partly on the role and male/female energy ratio of the soul and its past-life frequency of being either male or female, plus imprinting.

    ***

    What do you think? I loved your wisdom of the milk and honey… Thank you…

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:08pm

  738. 738: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #636
    GivingGirl (Receiving Girl) Reading this comment, I felt smiley and was picturing Snow White :)
    Love to you!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:10pm

  739. 739: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #696
    ((((lilybelly))))
    ((((lilybelly’s Mom))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:10pm

  740. 740: ViNo Gravatar says:

    (((((siren song))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:35pm

  741. 741: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((lilybelly)))))))))))))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:43pm

  742. 742: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks vi. I feel like someone kicked me in the chest. I’m sitting down by a tree in a park surrounded by kids. I feel so lonely. I miss him so much now. Ugh.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:45pm

  743. 743: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((siren song))))))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:47pm

  744. 744: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ravenquille - 

    I hear you.  It’s ok to hold that belief.

    I did too.

    But one can’t argue w logic, or even w anecdotal evidence.

    Experimental and experiential results and observances is what I use in my comprehension of the world.

    This stuff holds water.  If it didn’t , it would leak, and my logic would fail.  But it doesn’t, cuz  it’s real … Like math.  

    ***
    That’s assuming that the dance of cause and effect – logic – holds in this world

    We can. Create a world of randomness

    Abra burrito I love you 43 + 10

    Again
      
    Like number theory

    I’m a philosophickx and mathematician

    Genius extrordinaire I’m here to reinvent the world of thinking thought and living life 

    Like Einstein – toward human thinking power…  I put all the theorems together to create the magic formula :

    Belief + body^in motion = reality

    The birth equation

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:47pm

  745. 745: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    The “old guy” in my Chinese class tried to mack on me today! Oh god. It feels sweet that I made him feel safe enough to express his desire to get to know me better.
    Class is now over, yay. I have my Saturdays back:)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:03pm

  746. 746: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Siren Song)))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:14pm

  747. 747: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel guilty for shutting him down, but I had to. He is more than 2x my age and I’m not interested.

    Wow, guilt, what’s that about?

    Love to me.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:14pm

  748. 748: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Vi,

    733 – It’s a good start, but I get the impression this is a seriously toxic, abusive relationship. I know you love him, but you would feel such freedom if you said,

    “I’m not coming back. I love you, but I love me, too. What do you think?”

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:16pm

  749. 749: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i am so glad i have that hypnotherapy tomorrow. i feel hopeful that it will help me work through this. i feel shocked at how invested i was in him. he had been pulling away for a long long time and i hadn’t processed how distant he was.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:17pm

  750. 750: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really out of control on the inside. i’m trying to sink into my pelvis and feel it. but i just have these flashes of memories of him and they feel awful. i feel really really sad. i wish i had someone to hug. i feel so alone.

    sorry for spamming about this. i feel all alone.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:19pm

  751. 751: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song, CF had been pulling away for quite some time too, and I hadn’t processed how distant he was either. It really doesn’t help when they SAY things that are to the contrary of ‘distant,’ but are distant nonetheless… But I did know better and just chose to focus on the imaginary relationship stuff he said (but didn’t do), because it felt less scary.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:23pm

  752. 752: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song, you don’t HAVE to sink/process/do anything with your feelings if you’re too overwhelmed. You could just send yourself lots and lots of love, and that will start to take the edge off enough to be able to sink in really nicely when you’re ready.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:27pm

  753. 753: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ravenquile,

    I feel yucky reading your post. I hear Starla on the Rock Star thing, and I think it’s admirable that you feel so confident in your beliefs and thoughts and ideas. I wonder if you enjoy the shock factor of your boldness?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:30pm

  754. 754: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    that’s totally what i did.

    i feel really scared that i will never have a relationship with a man i love that satisfies me.

    i was into him more than he was into me for a lot of the relationship, too, when i’m honest about it. or maybe that’s my NVs.

    i will focus on my image or what i really want: a ring, a beautiful home with someone i love and a family.

    why would i want to be with someone who doesn’t want those things with me? or doesn’t follow through on the things he’s already promised? he asked me to move in with him twice and it never happened.

    i feel pissed and i want my stuff back. i feel angry that he’s holding on to what’s mine.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:31pm

  755. 755: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Siren song, I hear your sadness and I am sending you lots, lots and lots of love! I wouldn’t call sharing your feelings spamming – it’s your personal siren song helping you to feel good about yourself and honor your feelings and find support here, right?
    I am new to the blog, could you please tell me more about yourself? How many CDs do you cd?
    LOVE to you!! (and me…)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 3:57pm

  756. 756: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #747
    Siren song, you have YOURSELF to hug – the most endearing creature in the world!! And I am sending you MY hugs and love!
    ..and I am sending me love too…
    And all the beautiful blogging sirens…

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:02pm

  757. 757: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lilibee, Aurora, FW and Memulo… It actually came out today in FMs and he responded that if I sell MY house we can then rent a place…

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:14pm

  758. 758: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    ” hear your inner voices and track your instincts – they ARE serving you by giving you INFORMATION – and yet, don’t let them, ever, shut you down.”

    My shut-down has lifted. Resentment is fading to foggy wisps. I didn’t even do anything. It just lifted by itself.

    (An angel above softly chuckles)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:15pm

  759. 759: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    There is no trace of the hatred I was consumed with when I wrote post no. 2

    Who was that person who wrote that?
    I feel curious. How can I get to know her when she just disappears like that?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:18pm

  760. 760: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    716: Ravenquile says:
    ***Daria, in all seriousness, this stuff is New Age Lies, should be thrown in the trash. All New Age and other alien Spirituality-based stuff is completely twisted, and should not be considered at all by anyone.***

    I feel pulled to share some tweaks

    Example:

    “””I feel mistrustful of this stuff (fill in what stuff) that I see as coming from the new age wave. “””

    instead of
    ***this stuff is New Age Lies***

    I don’t know if it is a lie, I am not God to know it all in medicine but I do know I feel mistrustful, this is my own stuff and I can say my own stuff out loud.
    Whether people feel different or the same, they might feel me anyway and the connection might happen.
    And if some don’t connect, I will feel good with myself anyway, I will be connected to myself by owning my feelings and staying inside myself.

    A woman connected to herself is a sexy woman who attracts men.

    The word “lies” is a judgment and will not help me in feeling good and connected to myself.
    Judgments projected on others come back right at me and stop me from blossoming and from connecting.
    Judgments are a sort of lies themselves.

    “””I feel confident in my national official medicine. When I come across something I have not been told by a licensed doctor in medicine from an official university, I tend to put it in the trash.”””

    Instead of
    ***should be thrown in the trash.***

    I speak of my own feelings and of my own choices, I don’t gossip about others and I don’t play tyrant saying what should be done by others. I mind my business.

    A woman who minds her business is an elegant woman, she inspires trust in men.

    “””I tend to project my twistedness onto concepts I have not studied or not been told about by my group. I feel unsafe when I feel twisted, therefore I do not consider them.”””

    Instead of
    ***All New Age and other alien Spirituality-based stuff is completely twisted, and should not be considered at all by anyone.***

    I speak of my own projection and my own feelings and my own boundaries and my own limitations.
    It is brave.

    A brave woman attracts a strong man.

    I don’t gossip about others’ beliefs and I don’t play tyrant saying what others “should” do. I stay clean.

    A clean woman is yummy.

    “all”, “anyone”, “should” are words I tend to leave out. They express untruths.

    “Should” might also be the sign boundaries are being weak or even trespassed.

    Judgments like “lies” “alien” “twisted” are projections, which can be quite interesting as long as I bring them back to myself and work from there.
    I wish to chose words to connect with myself, not to judge others.

    A woman connected with herself feels good.

    I want to feel good.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:23pm

  761. 761: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Zara! It’s you!

    Hello sweetheart

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:30pm

  762. 762: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I gotta go and get some beauty sleep.
    I have two handsome strangers sleeping in the attic where I live, and WM is cooking us all breakfast in the morning.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:40pm

  763. 763: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    These two men played a great gig at my theater tonight, singing and playing guitar and fiddle. One guy is English, the other is American. I even got some nice compliments from them about my appearance, when I got ready this evening before their show! I blushed and said thank you and looked really pleased (I was).

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:44pm

  764. 764: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I took a new photo of myself to put up on facebook, but i feel self conscious and weird, like i have no right to!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 4:54pm

  765. 765: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((siren song)))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:04pm

  766. 766: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! Hello beautiful Sirens :) Just caught up on all the posts… a few hours at that… so inspiring and lovely.

    Starla you are doing so well. Gives me so much encouragement. Btw, the answer to your question on the other post – I’m 34 (last Saturday), never been married, no kids.

    I feel kinda boohoo :( I feel scared re. my CDing situation…. I just feel so scared. I love what Radlove said about dreaming up my future and then remote viewing my current situation from my future, and how it would seem like a bump in the road. So inspiring. I do believe there is a way.

    So HAman, is not so HA at all. Probably TangoMan was the best name for him. Anyway, he’s finally poofed. I feel happy about it. Yuck, all I can remember is the crumbs he gave and the constant neglect. I feel so happy it is over. I’m sure this time he will not come back.

    Yes, I felt neglected and used! I feel sad writing that, but it is true. Granted I was leaning back most of the time, but my thoughts and energy have been with him a year now.

    I felt something shift in me this time. The last time he called he said he would call to make plans for my birthday. Then he did not even call or send a text to wish me a happy birthday. Lol, what a loser! Funny enough, he asked me when my birthday was, that he was looking in his notes and could not find it. I reminded him the date knowing he would check his calendar and find it was on a SATURDAY. LOL, I guess he must have freaked out. Oh ick! Anyway…

    What I’m wondering is could I be neglecting myself and so ended up bringing in a neglectful man to abuse me?

    I felt something, the red flags about him when we first met, and I avoided dating him for a year. I agreed to date him finally on rebound, to fill my rotation and coz he was soooo persistent. I’ve often dated guys who were persistent against my better judgement. Who I’ve not been attracted to at first and then I end up falling for them, and the red flags inevitably show up. I want to heal this.

    From now on, I’ll just be straight. No is no. “No thank you, I don’t feel good about it”.

    But I totally feel lonely and that’s when I cave. My story is that the men in my town are:
    - married
    - cheating on their wives
    - divorced expatriates/ not looking for commitment
    - unable to date/ marry me due to a gap in social status

    I feel so sad! What will I do?

    So I created a profile for a country I hope to be international moonlighting. But I feel nervous… it’s not like I could just date….

    I’m still being open in my own locale, but honestly my work gets in the way and I end up staying in my studio throughout when I don’t have to go teach. Basically my work feels never-ending, and to be honest I’m feeling sick of this routine.

    I really hope I never see or talk to TangoMan again. I hope they do not renew his contract and he will return to his country. I’ve just felt icky from the beginning.

    I thought he was narcissistic so I read up on it and thought it sounded more like me :( But I’m definitely not, though I will read it again just to make sure.

    I feel so sad. I want to CD so badly. There are hot men contacting me from afar… oh how did I get to this place?

    Sirens, please shed some light? Do you see anything in my post that you can point me in the right direction?

    Thank you so much. I value all your insight. It really is such an unbelievable space to come on the Island and feel supported.

    Love to all!

    xoxo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:20pm

  767. 767: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    hi vi,

    i have 3 CDs. the guy i saw today and i were talking about marriage. one of the other ones has sort of poofed. the third guy is super-into me, but really awkward. i also have a couple of guy i cd at work and they rubberband in and out quite a lot.

    i feel much better. had a bit of a cry in the bathtub.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:20pm

  768. 768: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you’s feel so nice.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:22pm

  769. 769: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    758: April Rose says:

    ***Zara! It’s you!

    Hello sweetheart***

    Hello April Rose :)

    I heard of working up the chimney and of going down in the basement but first time I hear of strangers in the attic
    ;)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:23pm

  770. 770: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Queen Bee

    “I’ve often dated guys who were persistent against my better judgement. ”

    ME TOO!! Why do we do this?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:26pm

  771. 771: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    thanks for the hugs, sirens

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:26pm

  772. 772: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Queenbee))))))) ((((((Sirens))))))) ((((((((((Lillybelly’s mom)))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((((((Queenbee’s mom)))))))))))))))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:26pm

  773. 773: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Ravenquile ,

    I noticed your comments and i felt agitated and twisted up inside when i read them . Thank ypu for triggering me!

    I realised that reading a string of “shoulds” and what people “should” believe triggers my belief that people are free to enjoy and believe what they will , and my other belief that the world in all its variety is amazing.

    When MY beliefs are confronted this way i feel angry and strong resistance welling up inside me. I dont want to feel this way .

    So I am adopting a new belief right now that the closely held beliefs of others are a wonderful mirror to reflect back at me and define clearly what I truly believe . This way I get in touch with feeling good about myself and my beliefs.

    I feel excellent now I understand that other peoples “should list” feels good to hear so I can clearly define my own beliefs.

    yayyy!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:26pm

  774. 774: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Zara !!

    I hope you have found the Captain of your ship, and if not , then perhaps at least the sailing is FUN and EXCITING !

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:32pm

  775. 775: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    RE:767 Hi GG :) Looking forward to your new name.

    For me, it’s coz I feel lonely and the pain of loneliness kicks in and then I become hopeful and think that if he’s been pursuing me THAT long, there must be something to it, perhaps he’s really into me, he maybe the one, perhaps I’m being judgmental, I’ll give him a chance.

    But now I say “H3LL NO!” Any time I’ve ignored my inner voice it’s always ended in me feeling pain and regretful, piecing back together my heart/ life.

    I say no more! I’m making a real commitment to taking care of myself. Perhaps I have been neglectful of myself. Perhaps I take too much on and leave little time for self-care or end up in inertia.

    I don’t know… I just feel sad and cooped up in doors for days :(

    xoxo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:33pm

  776. 776: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Is looking directly in his eyes, masculine or feminine energy?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:34pm

  777. 777: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee

    Thank you, I am looking forward to it too!

    Yes, I feel those ways too. I might be being judgmental. He’s liked me for so long, I might as well give him a chance and see where this goes. Each time I say I knew better.

    One of my favorite quotes, “I feel there are two people inside me – me and my intuition. If I go against her, she’ll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.” ~ Kim Basinger

    I also take too much on, run out of time for things I should be doing and end up overly stressed. Like right now, but after Monday, I plan on changing that. School will be over and I will have a min. of 10 extra hours a week!

    I also go on vacation in a few weeks, so looking forward to a week off work!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:41pm

  778. 778: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Siren Song)))

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:42pm

  779. 779: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    OMG – perhaps I’ve been really neglectful of myself by not listening to my inner voice and trying to DO more to GET somewhere against what my inner voice is telling me.

    I’ve been neglecting me :(

    Queenbee, I love you! I’m never going to neglect you again. You can count on me from now on. (((((((Queenbee)))))))

    xoxo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:46pm

  780. 780: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Queen bee – as far as what i might heal: personally I feel judgemental of the social status statement

    I feel judgemental of myself around this too

    I would like to heal this

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:57pm

  781. 781: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    #774: GG says “Yes, I feel those ways too. I might be being judgmental. He’s liked me for so long, I might as well give him a chance and see where this goes. Each time I say I knew better”.

    Yes, yes, yes! Exactly that! Can’t believe how many times I’ve gone against myself :(

    This birthday I’m giving myself the gift of me – to never abandon and neglect myself again.

    Everything comes to me in the right time-space sequence.

    I too love that quote by Kim Basinger, thank you.

    So great GG you’ll have all that time to yourself. I’m also considering how to move myself through this year. I’ll go on leave for 6 weeks in a few months. I wish to travel somewhere by myself and just refresh my soul.

    xoxo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 5:58pm

  782. 782: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee

    That would feel so nice to refresh your soul!

    I will be meeting my niece. She will be 2 months old! :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:01pm

  783. 783: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    696: lilybelly

    ((((((((((((((((Lilybelly’s Mom)))))))))))
    ((((((((((((((((Lilybelly))))))))))))))))
    Thank you Universe for taking care of Lilibelly.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:05pm

  784. 784: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    RE:777 – thanks Daria. I do realize that some may be triggered by this. I get it. However, this is real for me. It would be more painful if I pretended it did not exist or fooling myself that the men could do it.

    I have actually made an attempt, which ended in the man texting me that his financial worth is 0 so he’s ending it. I felt so pi$sed at the text. But anyway… blah blah blah. Who was I kidding.

    In the ‘first world’ it’s not so apparent, but in my neck of the woods – it’s just my reality for many many reasons.

    I feel healed accepting this reality. It’s better than pretending my life could be any different.

    I wish you healing too ((Daria))

    xoxo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:07pm

  785. 785: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    And I feel thankful and utterly grateful for all the abundance and opportunities I have had in my life that have brought me to this special place where I am uniquely me in the world… and completely happy and satisfied with my life’s purpose/ path/ vocation.

    Now, if I could have someone to share it with. Something more, deeper, other than work, work work, which is all my life is :(

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:12pm

  786. 786: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I found this on fb:

    “When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.”—Diane Von Furstenberg

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:27pm

  787. 787: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens! They do always come back!

    I went ahead yesterday and texted PriestCD good luck for his half-marathon today, and this evening HE CALLED! He said that he’s been meaning to call and really thought he’d do so sooner, but when he got the text he knew it was time because I would want to hear about his race (which is not an arrogant assumption on his part, because I did feel curious!). He knew, too, that if he didn’t call soon, he just wouldn’t because the distance and lack of involvement would be too great, like any other friendship that doesn’t get maintenance.

    It was like no time had passed since we last talked! We talked, mostly about running and teaching, for over an hour and a half. We decided to leave any past-relationship talk for another time. I told him how great it felt to be talking to him, especially since I was finally accepting the possibility that it wouldn’t happen.

    There is a tension in me that has been released, and I feel relieved. I was working on getting there on my own, but it has been a mighty struggle. It doesn’t even matter to me how often we talk; just knowing that we are both okay and still have a mutual liking and respect feels really good.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:30pm

  788. 788: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to call E…I told him he could not contact me until he was ready but Im afraid he’ll forget. I know he wont. I know he loves me but I love him and miss him soo much. I cant even think. I think theres so much more Im nervous and afraid of but I have so much to do right now. Oh well I guess Ill be back to discuss how I feel soon. I really love him…why is it that being with someone else who I love is not helping?

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 6:35pm

  789. 789: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am doing a great job of not leaning forward by e-stalking CF or his relatives. I don’t even feel the urge to check. I just feel bored with the whole situation. I like the new things I’m doing in my life:). They are much more interesting.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:04pm

  790. 790: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    669: LiliBee

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7BQRGXFLJs

    I feel joyful reading your posts. I feel happy for you :)

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:33pm

  791. 791: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am ahead of schedule on all my work this weekend and enjoying some lazy pampering time at home:)
    love to me

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:46pm

  792. 792: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    Lol
    “I am an American girl, now: I don’t wait!”

    At minute 5 of the video
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBPY2hxPgVo&list=UU1SepRQxGwTvH0-TivEGFgA&index=26&feature=plcp

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:55pm

  793. 793: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel exhausted, finishing my tea before bed and wishing I had a man to cuddle with.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 7:57pm

  794. 794: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I had so many invitations for the weekend and I turned them all down *grin*… i love my anti social introspective nature. i love being in my apartment while the night breeze blows through the window and the streetlamps cast glows and shadows all over the living room. i feel like i live in my dream apartment, and i’m so focused on my other dreams right now that it feels so gratifying and right to come home to relax when i need to unwind. i am so blessed!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:00pm

  795. 795: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    789: Zara says:

    ***Lol
    “I am an American girl, now: I don’t wait!”

    At minute 5 of the video***

    oops! sorry, this link will work:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBPY2hxPgVo

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:07pm

  796. 796: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Zara, I’ve never watched that before, but I checked out the clip you linked to and I think I’m going to watch the whole thing now, thanks!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:27pm

  797. 797: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee,

    763 – Thank you! I’m glad that was helpful to you about envisioning now from your future! I love messing with and shifting my perspective! It’s an adventure that allows me to view myself and my world view and image of man in ever-new ways!

    I believe what will happen in the future should affect how I live today.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:56pm

  798. 798: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies,

    You are so inspiring, wise, and true! How I cherish each of you!

    Love, Me

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 8:57pm

  799. 799: EuterpeNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Everyone,

    I’m new to the blog, I posted a couple of days ago on a different blog “Getting Answers… Positive or Negative”
    I’d love for you to check out my posting there. I could sure use some help. Thanks!

    Zara, thank you for your link.

    You all are just awesome!!!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 9:20pm

  800. 800: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Welcome Euterpe!

    I would suggest copying your post here where most woman are – on the latest post!

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 10:50pm

  801. 801: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Well, i went the rest of the day without feeling too terrible. I feel a little lighter, actually. I really feel no urge to text or email or call, which i felt off and on while he was pulling away.

    I feel alone, but not as lonely as before. I have a whole morning of hypnotherapy tomorrow. I feel hopeful that it will help me next time i see him.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:20pm

  802. 802: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tired of sleeping alone. I miss having someone to sleep with.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:21pm

  803. 803: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m a lil behind on the blog ladies….interesting article. Wow the women’s behaviour he describes in the beginning of the article reminds me of a lot of men I know. I didn’t act like that (the not calling the next day, etc..)
    but I do know I was too needy yet too aloof yet clingy yet distant and all that in one 24 hour period I’m sure! LOL
    Lots of good stuff to think about

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:26pm

  804. 804: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    There is a level of fear that I’ve become aware of in myself. I loved my ToxicEx soo much, but there was a side of him that I feared: I was scared of his violence.

    So I had to leave the situation.

    I really do love RecycledCD, but there is also a side of HIM that I fear: dishonesty.

    But I trust Recycled 100% not to ever lay a hand on me or say anything mean to me on purpose to hurt my feelings. He just does not have that nature. He actually has a good heart and cares about being kind to people.

    But he keeps secrets.

    BUT don’t all men/people do that to an extent? ????

    Am I excusing bad behavior or just realizing there are no perfect people?

    I feel confused.

    Hmm, well ToxicEx would say mean things to me and cheat and lie and be violent (violence towards others, never towards me). But he could also be sooo sooo nice and generous!!!!!!! Gah. I still miss him sometimes, I’m not going to lie.

    I know that sounds sick. Like my brain/heart are betraying me. WHY would I miss him??

    So anyway, I guess RecycledCD is an upgrade.
    Even though I feel like I can say I feel love for RecycledCD, I don’t feel the magical spell he once had over me.

    I used to feel so hypnotized and attached. I just don’t feel it anymore and I’m proud of myself. I still like spending time with him and think he’s attractive etc…but maybe I actually succeeded in emotionally detaching….kinda like Rori talks about.

    I’ve leaned forward with him a lil bit too asking for advice via texting and his response ratio is about 50/50. I do care, but then again, I really don’t care that much about his reply. I feel like an alien on another planet trying to CD right now. I don’t know how to date. I know how to have intense relationships. That’s what I know how to do.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:30pm

  805. 805: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve experimented with leaning forward a lil bit in the past week and overall it feels icky. It feels unfulfilling even if I get a response that I want from Recycled or Email CD prob cuz I’m insecure about my situation with both of them.

    Oh and I think I may write off EmailCD completely. He’s really trying my patience. More on that later.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:34pm

  806. 806: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been feeling really really blue the past couple days.

    Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 11:42pm

  807. 807: FrancesNo Gravatar says:

    Why can’t there be blogs teaching women how to be single and still be happy?

    Does a relationship/marriage have to be the ultimate goal?

    I feel tired! Too much information to process!

    Help me accept that I may never find The One. It’s better than hoping for something that will never happen!

    I have depression. I am broke. I am unemployed. I am overweight. Hardly a woman a man would jump hurdles to be with!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 1:14am

  808. 808: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Frances,

    Good to see you posting here.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 1:30am

  809. 809: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tired when I think I have to do something I don’t want to do. And I feel angry.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 1:35am

  810. 810: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    When I perceive/judge that my choices are being taken away, I get frightened and very defensive.

    My masculine side guards, defends and fights like mad for my ‘freedom’.
    What the f*ck is that freedom? Am I being tricked? My version of freedom is a construct of the mind…

    My feminine side requires no freedom. She simply wants to surrender.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 1:39am

  811. 811: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Soft surrender.
    It has to be the most delicious of all the sensations.
    My deepest nature longs to yield and melt and be ravished…

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 1:41am

  812. 812: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    776: Queenbee says:
    “OMG – perhaps I’ve been really neglectful of myself by not listening to my inner voice and trying to DO more to GET somewhere against what my inner voice is telling me.

    I’ve been neglecting me

    Queenbee, I love you! I’m never going to neglect you again. You can count on me from now on. ”

    I feel moved by this – I can so relate. I still feel pain and angry at myself for doing it to myself. And I also remeber feeling reliaf and happiness when I saw it.

    My bigest leason is to forgive myself and dont feel angry at myself. I want to heal, I’m slowly healing.

    Sometimes I feel afraid I will never learn, sometimes I feel afraid I will forever be run by my fears. I do sometimes feel afraid I might not be able to forgive myself. I feel angry at myself, for being angry at myself. I feel open and warm, beautiful and crying. I feel happy for feeling angry -this I can work with, I can feel it. I feel sad for feeling angry.

    Feeling a lot and both smiling and crying; argh feels alot…

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 2:11am

  813. 813: ViNo Gravatar says:

    #745
    Radlove, thank you!
    We both know it is not about me, it’s about his anger. He initiated a talk and I agreed – cuz this is a very good chance to pratice to communicate my boundaries and FMs! Besides, he has changed for the last year hugely – he works hard, he pays all the bills, he spends all his free time with me, he plans all our trips and entertainment and he is really perceptive to my FMs.
    So I felt more like taking this situation as a free therapy. What we have here is: his anger channeled at me (and I’ve been there once with my anger channeled at HIM). And I don’t want to feel like a “whipping boy” – it feels bad. He apologized and said he understands me and will be careful. That felt good. We also set up a “meeting” to discuss 2 issues we have no agreement on. Baby steps…
    I feel good about the talk – my experience of negotiating things with a man tends to zero, and I am thankful to the Universe for the practice.
    No one knows what is next.. I let myself let it go and be surprized… And my b-energy will help me to take care of my boundaries and me…
    Radlove thank you for your care!!!! It feels sooo good! Love love love to you!!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 2:20am

  814. 814: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Frances,
    First of all – (((((((((Frances)))))))
    I feel like the ultimate goal is a good relationship with yourself… and it’s the most difficult – at least I feel this way…
    Sending you lots of love.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 2:26am

  815. 815: ViNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Emerson))))))))

    (((((((April Rose)))))

    (((((((me)))))))

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 2:31am

  816. 816: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I need to break out of my cycle of ‘twos’.

    Two men. I love them both so very much.

    Oh, April Rose. The answer is not to choose one of them. The answer is to expand and have lots more and feel, as Daria said, ‘super powerful and surrounded by many different men’.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 3:33am

  817. 817: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I feel embarassed.
    I feel full of squirmy secrets.
    WM does not know about my feelings for EM.

    EM does not know that WM is married.

    I feel compelled to keep secrets. I feel fearful.

    Fear holds me back from daring to want what I really want.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 3:40am

  818. 818: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I intend to be gentle on myself.
    I intend to allow the deepest wantings of my true nature to surface.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 3:42am

  819. 819: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Jenny))))) I’m with you on the forgiveness train :) Yes, I see too now how my fears ‘run’ me. And when I go there I end up miles away from my intended destination – emotionally and in every way.

    I do too much, I lose my authenticity, I’m trying to control everything, I afraid much of the time, and I over-think the entire thing to the point my head hurts. This can go on for months, oh boy.

    I choose me now. I’m choosing me. It feels empowering. I feel a real shift coming on …yay!! :)

    Much love xoxo

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 3:44am

  820. 820: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I feel excited.

    I just realised what is happening!

    I am discovering my deepest feminine nature.

    Slowly,… surely,…. lusciously…..

    I honour her and love her and give her Time and Care.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 3:46am

  821. 821: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am shocked by the hugeness of my Love for her.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 3:49am

  822. 822: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee – hmm… that sounds painful… i stand by my statement that that is something to heal…

    Dominique wrote something similar to Brandylion, regarding expectations of education

    its important to open up to many men, not just those that fit the non-relationship-treatment criteria we think we want – life shifts drastically sometimes and so does that criteria…

    i personally date many men that i feel judgmental of were it to come down to marriage. it helps much with practicing telling the truth and relating to a human out of curiousity without judging and without expectations of it ‘working out’ – no agenda, feminine energy

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 3:51am

  823. 823: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I feel curious.

    What is your timeframe for wishing to be married?

    Are there any particular men taking you out regularly, courting you with intent?

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 4:00am

  824. 824: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – mm im thinking it can be 3 to 6 months after meeting (or maybe after sex with a CD where im letting attraction grow on me)….

    my NeighborCD seems to really be courting me with intent, he knows my dreams and i’ve been seeing him almost everyday the past couple of weeks

    Neighbor CD is one that im letting my attraction grow, i wasn’t feeling initally attracted to him, still feel judgmental of him thinking of it on a social level… and im slowly opening up…

    he almost kissed me tonite… i almost let him

    hehe

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 4:04am

  825. 825: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I mean a timeframe for you, like ‘I intend to be married before the age of 32′ for example.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 4:09am

  826. 826: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I intend to be married in April, May or June of 2013 or 2014

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 4:38am

  827. 827: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    In the time leading up to then, I intend to blossom into my most colourful and delicious femininity.
    And be surrounded by wonderful men who adore me.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 4:41am

  828. 828: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I will set each man a quest, a test, to find out my true match. Otherwise I’m afraid I will love them all and not know how to choose one.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 4:44am

  829. 829: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks to FW I have signed up for the Tapping big event thing this morning (it starts tomorrow), and have been watching and practising some tapping today, it’s a start right?

    Off now to watch youtubes, catch you later Sirens.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 4:58am

  830. 830: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, you “speak” on here sometimes like an old fashioned girl, very poetic and romantic it reminds me of days gone past. :)

    I asked on a blog the other day if anybody still courted these days, but nobody answered.

    I think you said you were an actor, are you on the telly? :D

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 5:00am

  831. 831: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #825 April Rose

    That reminds me of a lady of noble birth.

    I will set each suitor a quest to bring me the thing I want in my life more than anything in the world, the man who does this gets the prize, which of course, is moi. :)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 5:03am

  832. 832: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I have not been back on the dating sites since Friday (it’s Sunday lunch time here now) as I don’t feel like it.

    I am working on myself instead.

    I so see this thing about separated (not yet divorced) men as per convo between FW and Siren Angel.

    One man had on his profile last week a pic of him with 2 VERY LARGE dogs, and I am scared of big dogs, so I told him this, then he said “Don’t worry my wife has them now as I live in a flat.”

    YOUR WIFE!!!!!! I hadn’t really noticed the word separated on his profile.

    I said something on the lines of “Whoa your *wife* , you must be newly separated then?”

    I have not heard from him since, poofed right away thankfully.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 5:08am

  833. 833: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    SMB

    sweet question…..can you clarify? “does anybody still court these days”? which type of courting do you mean….traditional courting type or dating? or?

    this sounds like a fun question….I might want to share my experience….. :)

    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 5:10am

  834. 834: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Aurora

    It’s not a word you hear very often.

    It was on the POF forums where there are lots of talks about one night stands and FWB’s, I mean courting in the traditional sense of the word, dating, dinners, movies, walks and talks not sex on the first date kinda thing, but then I’m an old fashioned girl. ;)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 5:21am

  835. 835: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    oh I don’t think it sounds old fashioned at all……I like the idea of courting too….dating……discovering is what it feels like to me……trying all different kinds of things……walking…..sharing……not just on a sexual level but all levels…..

    my sweety and I are “courting” I suppose……and we are both middle age so it feels like traditional type of dynamics….I very much let him be the man….and I the feminine woman….but I also can be independent too….show some masculine qualities….maybe the strong feminine…because I have to wear that hat parenting and in business…..and he shows some feminine qualities in that he has to manage parenting and a household too….cooking, cleaning, buying gifts……decorating…..it’s a mix….

    but we go for dinner (and occasionally I say “oohhh let me treat you for a change!) and he still buys flowers or the like…..we cut back on the candy a bit…..winter weight gain yuk…. lol….and he wants to say good night where ever he is and he wants to say good morning ……

    and the courting is reflected in our nick names for each other too…..

    it is possible….it’s what you make it…….it evolves I think…

    Your “Sir Romancelot” is out there wondering when you will appear too……

    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 5:31am

  836. 836: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    OH Sirens! Lately I have been so busy out of the house, so hadn’t time even to read the blog. Today I just want to vent a bit.

    I’m feeling so sad & hurt & pity for myself right now. Everything is a mess.

    My ex M was visiting me (after months not seeing him). We just confirmed our break-up that was all open in the air since last summer. Although it was more my idea, it still feels so sad, as I know he loves me. But he’s a feminine role guy who just would not step up & give me the relationship I want (he refuses to be the one who rows the boat & wants me to do it at least 50% and even more as I cheated on him & he says he can not trust me anymore, although he loves me and can not think about anyone else). He was crying & suffering these last days and my heart hurts so much seeing that, but the same time it’s also a reason I’m starting to have more brother-sister feelings for him than the ones I would like to have towards “my man”. I have lost the attraction also. So I´m kind of afraid, that maybe my getting bored and all excited about other possibilities is showing my immaturity and lack of capacity to love beyond the first “in-love” feelings and physical attraction.

    But anyhow, I feel afraid that letting him go is a big mistake, as I really like him as a person, he has really good heart & we share so much and he’d probably be a wonderful father to our children. Although by his side I’d feel the obligation to be the emotionally stronger one. I feel torn between the urge to go fix it and be again with him even being myself in the masculine role & the need to start creating a life what I dream of (with a leading & more masculine man in it and myself as the feminine partner).

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 5:50am

  837. 837: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I love what you wrote. It shimmers like a silver bell tinkling in my ear, telling me the magic formula for my life

    “….I will set each suitor a quest to bring me the thing I want in my life more than anything in the world, the man who does this gets the prize, which of course, is moi. ….”

    I find that so beautiful. I feel a new lightness in my heart, and a relief from my morning tears.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 5:58am

  838. 838: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    ulii

    “I feel afraid that letting him go is a big mistake, as I really like him as a person, he has really good heart & we share so much and he’d probably be a wonderful father to our children”

    have you shared these feelings with him?

    “Although by his side I’d feel the obligation to be the emotionally stronger one.”…..

    my sense is that a woman has the obligation to be responsible for her feelings as best she can be……sometimes she will be strong….and sometimes she will be vulnerable…but no one says we have to be the emotionally stronger one any percent of the time…..if you feel that’s your obligation…..”he” will never get a chance to show you that he can be strong when you are vulnerable……he needs a chance to do that…….only then can a man step up…..

    it’s the leaning back and letting go that we have to do….if we see him only through the feminine lens….how can he ever be “masculine” to us?

    I struggle with this at time too because I have to wear both hats (like I was saying to SMB above…)

    is he really that emotionally weak? when you think about it?

    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:03am

  839. 839: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @816 Queenbee

    I really think we could be twin separated at birth! :)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:07am

  840. 840: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    But in this right moment… although everything that happened last week with my ex…. I´m actually feeling really angry with NewZealandCD. The virtual one I have not even met in real life. It seems we are in a power struggle — kind of. Our communication goes mostly by chatting in skype. And he has stated various times, how he feels bad as I’m not initiating chats by saying hello. At least some times. The thing is, I have done it some times. Like once every 4-5 times he does it. But lately when we are both online, he could wait for many hours and then say hello the last minute before he has to go to sleep (we have 9 hour time-difference)..and then he would ask few opening questions…like “how is it going”.. and when the conversation starts to open up (it takes some time for me to “warm up” to him as I feel resentful & angry of him not using the time to talk to me before the last minute).. then he just states, “ok I go to sleep now”.. and just goes away without even waiting for me to respond with good night.

    The moment it happens, I feel all disappointed & angry, and like just deleting his contacts and forgetting all about him. But if I stop to breath, the anger goes away, and I’m feeling just sad and unwanted & lonely. I don’t know if any feeling messages would help. Usually if I express some feelings what i have about this way of communication, he says I should not be so unsecure with him & that he always wants to talk to me & he’s crazy about me & wants me to go there to him (he’d pay for my plane tickets & would like me to stay with him). But there are days I feel it’s just words & really i don’t feel he is that interested. I guess it’s also my vibe, that is quite needy these days. :(

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:15am

  841. 841: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Although this vibe thing is a crazy thing itself…
    I feel really needy and not sure about anything in my life. Living with my parents, having problems to concentrate on finishing my studies.. etc, etc. But many old loves and flames have contacted me out of blue during this time I’m feeling so low. Including the Big Platonic Love of My Life, who was my saddest love story years ago. So sometimes I don’t understand how the vibe works.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:22am

  842. 842: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @832 Aurora

    “Sir Romancelot” I like it :)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:24am

  843. 843: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    “I’m feeling just sad and unwanted & lonely”

    (((((((ulii)))))).

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:25am

  844. 844: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    ulii

    I also don’t like it when a person logs off without waiting for my reply. BoatGuy did that a few times to me. I felt I was unimportant, what I had to say didn’t matter to him. It’s not a nice thing to do.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:32am

  845. 845: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    lamabutterfly – where are you?

    I feel curious to hear how Thursday went with JackCD and so called friend.

    I hope it went well!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:34am

  846. 846: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    787:

    Thanks Zara, that song is so cute. I feel prettyyyy :)

    When we got to the ballroom, everyone was standing around having their cocktails…alot of people were staring at me.
    D whispered in my ear: “You look so good, alot of heads are turning.”
    At the end of the night he said that I was the prettiest woman there :)

    I had alot of fun. The people at our table were so friendly and fun. I felt really comfortable with all of them.

    I got a little tipsy. When I went outside to smoke, a police car drove up and asked us which company party it was.
    The 2 police officers were so cute that I started cd’ing with them.
    For a laugh, I said “To show you that we’re being good, here I have a breathalizer test. We won’t drink and drive.”
    They laughed and so did the people I was with.
    When we went inside, they were still laughing about what I did and they told D about it.
    I felt worried he would be offended.
    But no, he laughed like crazy and said “come here you little clown” and hugged me.

    I felt proud to make people laugh.

    All night I felt different than I used to at these events.
    I felt so carefree and comfortable.
    I must have shown, bc I’ve been to this annual ball 2 years ago and people were totally different with me.
    2 years ago, I was shy and closed off.
    Everyone was ignoring me including D and I felt lonely all night, except for this guy who hit on me and I felt totally grossed out and angry at D for not being around.
    This time D was mostly around me dancing with me and I always had someone different to talk to, go outside with and dance with.

    BIG SHIFT:
    D would always be insecure ballroom dancing with me and would give up fast bc I would resist his leading.
    He would get frustrated and stop ever trying to do that kind of dancing with me.
    Last night he just took me by the hand and started the cha cha cha with me.
    I let him lead, never looked at our feet and stared at thim in the eyes…and we danced beautifully!
    He had such a warm and melty smile on his face looking in my eyes.

    Ahhhwww, I felt so melty like ice cream in the July sun. :)
    I just blurted out “I’m so happy to be with you.”

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:54am

  847. 847: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    yay Lilibee

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 6:59am

  848. 848: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t believe how perky I feel after going to sleep tipsy at 2am and getting up at 8am.

    I’m thinking I should try and get some sleep.
    But I feel to perky to sleep.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:01am

  849. 849: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    844:

    Thanks AuroraGirl.

    It feels good to have cheering squad.
    It makes me feel proud and encourages me to keep doing that good work on myself.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:06am

  850. 850: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been thinking more about how I have dated so many men who I resisted at first and how it should have been a sign.

    Pre-1st – saw him first day of class and thought, I’m going to date him. We did briefly, but I felt like vomiting on my food each time. So, it didn’t work.

    1st – my friend asked if she could give my number. I said no. I had no interest. Then, I ran into him one night and his eyes were all oozing charm and looking at me in that way and he convinced me to go on a date. 1st date, he arrived 1.5 hours late. I still went out with him when I should have said, NO. Dated for 1.5 years.

    Pre-2nd – I didn’t have any reservations with this guy. He was a looker and interested. Didn’t realize the girl “friend” he often mentioned was the “girlfriend” who just ripped his heart out. Dated for 2 months and he went back to her and just stopped responding to me. We ended up friends again after she wrecked his life and he started dating a crazy girl who ended up in a mental hospital. Poor guy had lots of issues from childhood. No dad and his mom would leave him alone and have him buy her drugs for her. Sad.

    2nd – Didn’t want to date him. Again, it was his eyes that convinced me. He was 15 years older than me. We dated 2.5 years, lived together for 1 year, bought a house together and then he cheated on me. Oh, and his “ex-wife” wasn’t an ex. She lived in a different state.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:21am

  851. 851: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    838:

    (((Ulii))),

    You’re low vibe must be tied to the past for you to be attracting people from the past.
    Maybe you have lingering feelings tied to past experiences?

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:21am

  852. 852: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    3rd – Didn’t even like him. We had mutual friends, 4 of us hung out together, my friend was dating his friend, yet we never spoke. I’m pretty sure he didn’t like me either. I broke up with #2 and the friends pushed us together. We ended up dating a year, engaged 1.5 years, married and then after 4 weeks, I filed for an annulment because after some detective work, discovered he was a closet gay. Bam!!

    4th – I worked with him for 4 years. When I first started we had locked eyes and there was immediate chemistry. We both were dating. He helped me move out of #2 and #3. We started dating after #3 while I was going through the court. We dated a year, bought a house and dated another 3.5, until I realized even though he would talk future, wedding & kids, he really had no intention of any of it. So, I left because I no longer believed or trusted his words.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:22am

  853. 853: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    5th – He wanted to date me when I just started dating #4 and I turned him down multiple times. He was extremely persistent. Again, should have stuck to my guns. This is the emotionally abusive one. At least I got out a lot sooner than my other relationships.

    Pre-6th – He had his eye on me since I moved here 3 years ago. I didn’t really have any reservations about him, other than he had really bad breath one time I was talking to him. I felt good when he started to step up, flirting with me on FB, inviting me to an event at BoatGuys house, opening the car door, introducing me to every person (this was huge), buying me drinks, bringing hand warmers since it was an outdoor winter event, keeping his eye on me at all times, he was good. I think timing was just bad. He was really stressed, his vehicles kept dying, his mom was living with him and he was helping her find a house, he also has a young son. He cancelled our first date 4 times, he was in a car accident…lots of stress. After our 1 date, he had made tentative plans with me, said he would text me later and never did. I became stressed and felt bad because things just weren’t working well. I text him all mad saying a little common courtesy would be nice and it takes 1 minute to let me know tonight won’t work. He ignored me and now it’s like he hates me. He told me maybe we could try again after things settle down. Then, said he’s just not interested in a relationship with anyone right now. But, started dating another girl a month later.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:24am

  854. 854: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    7th – BoatGuy. I put him off for years. I like him, just knew everyone said he was a player and he often had new girls on his arm and it was obvious they were just there for sex. He was persistent and he figured out that I have a tendency to date men who are persistent and there we were. He convinced me with his words and I thought maybe I was allowing other people to impose their inaccurate judgements on him. I do think their judgments were inaccurate, but in the end, he’s not able for serious, but for different reasons than what everyone believes.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:25am

  855. 855: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Where’s Luzydel?

    Luzydel, where are you?

    I felt so fascinated by your experiences and your going through the motions.
    I miss reading those.
    I feel sad to not have you to read on here :(

    LUUUZYYYDELLL! LUZYDEL! Come back! :(

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:28am

  856. 856: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Now, I’m looking at Mr. Observant. I feel myself worried about trusting my judgments after all these bad decisions I’ve made over the years. What if I’m doing it again?

    I met Mr. Observant in 2004. I remember him walking into a Super Bowl party when I was newly dating #4. I remember thinking, “Wow, he is handsome.” Then, I saw the ring and thought, “Too bad he’s married.” #4 was terrible with introductions, so I never spoke to him until 2009 when a friend brought him with to my party. Then, I just said, “hello, Mr. Observant, right?” He said, yes and we may have shook hands or something. He gave me the eye then, but I was enamored by ShyGuy at that time. My friend said he brought him cause he really just needed a night out, major marital problems and his wife is pretty much psycho.

    He came to another one of my parties last October. He brought shrimp lol. We talked a small amount, just small talk, nothing personal. He was giving me the eye a lot that night, but he was also very introspective. He was going through his divorce at this point and I was dating BoatGuy.

    Then, I saw him at the last party a couple weeks ago. I liked how forward and direct he was. I was standoffish because I was still with BoatGuy and I knew Mr. Observant was coming at me full force and was envisioning kissing me passionately. I was too and I felt guilty. But then he did something amazing, which has never happened to me before and he backed off. He sensed my resistance and he backed off and even told me, “This is not me hitting on you.”

    Finally, a man who is respectful of me. A man who isn’t trying to force his way in. I love this, I feel so impressed by this. He’s also doing things for me and with a big smile on his face. He’s talking to me about actual feelings, my feelings. He’s curious about me and wants to know how I feel, what I want, what makes me happy. Who is this guy?

    My friend said he’s a nice guy, but has issues. I don’t know what issues she meant. Is it just the marriage is over issues? IDK. We all have issues, but she told me, “if I were you, I wouldn’t even consider it.” Hmmm. I don’t feel any reservations about this guy. I feel safe, respected and comfortable with him. I feel he would take good care of me.

    I do have a concern though. I feel worried since he is going through a divorce. I don’t want to date a married man and I don’t want to be a newly divorced man’s rebound girl. He may have completely dealt with his feelings regarding the divorce and be ready to move on. I moved on within a month after I filed for my annulment, but I’m like that. I decide something and then it’s done.

    I feel confused as to how to know when he is ready…if he already is. I feel worried because I know he will be looking in my direction at my party in a couple of weeks and I want him to, but I feel I need to have things figured out because he is still married, as far as I know and I don’t know any information regarding his divorce. How long it’s been going on, when it may be completed and I don’t want to get in over my head if it’s too soon.

    I don’t want to kiss or have sex with a married man. I feel judgmental about this. It makes me a hipocrate because that’s what I was doing during my annulment. I don’t want to jeopardize a good thing because the timing is wrong and we started too soon. I want him to digest what is happening and be ok with it and let it go. So, if he comes on strong again, I feel confused as to if then I should find a way to be open about this with him.

    My concern comes from stories I’ve read online. I know there is no certain way it is and everyone is different. There is no clear cut time frame that divorced people need to be able to move on. It’s the uncertainty I fear. Uncertainty has always been a big fear of mine.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:36am

  857. 857: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @843 Lilibee

    Feels so nice & happy to read!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:45am

  858. 858: MarilynNo Gravatar says:

    I am really having a tough time right now. I have recently (within the last 3 months) separated from my husband and am getting a divorce. To make a long story short, he has alcohol problems and refuses to get treatment. This has been going on for at least 15 years. I was in a relationship with this man for 30 years and married for 27 years. I think I was just always too afraid to leave. For health reasons I had to lose weight, eat right and get in shape about a year and a half ago. Since then, I have lost 50 pounds and have gotten in to really good shape which has opened up a whole new world of activities for me. I now go to the gym 6 days a week, workout with a personal trainer, do pilates and yoga, take ballet lessons and tennis lessons and I own and ride 2 horses a week. Sounds like I should be ecstatic…right? Well the problem is that I have met a man who has taken my breath away. I cannot stop thinking about him. We are friends but that is as far as it has gotten. I think he has been really hurt in the past and is hesitant but I am not sure why he has not stepped up yet. I have almost all of your programs and I listen to them regularly but I guess that I am not following them the way that I should. I think that I fawn over him way too much and perhaps that is driving him away. I am so afraid of losing him…I really think that he is the one that I was meant to be with my whole life. It’s like I can feel it down in my soul. I know that you don’t recommend this so that is why I am asking…I have been talking to psychics on a very limited basis and they tell me to stay away from him. Do you think that I should stop talking to the psychics? Any advice would be helpful!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:51am

  859. 859: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m having a ‘ah-ha’ moment.

    I used to suffer from pen*s envy.
    I envied men for being so free to do all these fun sporty activities.
    I had a deeply engrained belief that a woman’s place was staying home taking care of the household and having his supper ready for him.
    I felt resentful of that.
    Allthough I rejected that belief, I oddly still acted it out and felt trapped in that role w my resentment.
    I rejected anything feminine.

    ‘Hanging out’ w Rori helped me discover what being a feminine woman was all about.
    It’s not what I thought it was at all.
    It’s NOT taking care of the household and making supper while the man is out working and playing.
    I now accept being a woman and embrace my femininity.
    I can do fun activities too.
    I am free to come and go in and out of the house too, even if the “household isn’t taken care of”.
    Taking care of the household can wait while I take care of myself and have my fun.
    Taking care of myself and having fun is as much important…and IS FEMININE much to my surprise.

    My relationship has become about having fun and connecting.
    We now cook supper together and have fun together.
    What I always dreamed of having as a relationship.

    I had no idea that I had to accept being a woman and embrace my femininity in order to get that relationship.

    I feel so grateful to myself for having searched nonstop at discovering this, Rori and this blog.

    I feel so blessed for being me :)

    I feel fear of being judged as being full of myself.
    Ah, but that’s OK if I’m judged.
    I know I’ve felt so unworthy for so long that I desserve to feel worthy.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:55am

  860. 860: Memulo says:

    GivingGirl,

    Last night I asked a friend who got divorced a few years ago and is now in a great long-term relationship – if he tried to date when he was newly separated. He said that in the first few months he did but realized very quickly that he just couldn’t do it as he couldn’t be fully present and make anyone happy. That passed after about 7-8 months after separation.

    What I am trying to say is that we can always ask of course how ready they are but we need to trust their judgement too.. in terms of how big of a deal to make out of it

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:56am

  861. 861: Memulo says:

    SmartCD is arriving tonight!!!! I feel so happy and can’t wait ;)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:58am

  862. 862: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lilibee – you are worthy, my dear.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:04am

  863. 863: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    854:

    Mouah! GG, soon to be RG :)

    Ya know, I changed my name when I 1st felt a major shift in my vibe.
    I added Bee at the end of Lili.
    Coz I had always been terrified of bees.
    I started noticing last summer that I was getting less and less afraid of bees and I so badly wanted to conquer my fear of men and relationships.
    That symbolic gesture of adding the Bee to my name inspired me to pursue my quest.
    I’ve been embracing my fear and have become gradually more and more fearless in life in general, not just with men.

    I hope your namechange will propell your growth in the same way.
    I wish for all sirens to feel peaceful and happy like I do right now.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:06am

  864. 864: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @856 Memulo

    Thank you. I feel I just have no information. I don’t know if they are even still living in the same house. I do feel you are correct about trusting them. I also feel his vibe was completely different this last time, not so internal like before. He also joined some meetup groups recently, so I do feel he’s on his way. Kids are involved too, so it’s not so cut and dry. I think it’s just the lack of information worrying me.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:10am

  865. 865: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    RE Aurora Girl 835

    Thank you for the input, Aurora.

    It makes lot sense to me what you say.

    If I´m completely honest, I must admit that this “labeling” my ex a feminine guy is partly an excuse. We were together 6 years actually, last of them living together (although sharing house with more people) and there were lots of good times, although it never got to the level of commitment I would dream of (marriage). I have seen him act the ways that are the opposite too. Taking care of me, initiating, sending me gifts & flowers to my workplace etc.
    It did feel a bit “late”, or been happening mostly after he started to be afraid of losing me.. But I might be unjust, and it would still be an excuse… The truth is, I was feeling stuck in our relationship. I was feeling not a priority & often lonely. I was losing the attraction to him. Missing for some excitement, missing intensity, being admired and wanted. But I could not communicate it then the right way. It was much before I found Rori’s stuff & even now after knowing about the tools since last autumn… i am still considering myself a beginner what comes to feeling messages etc.) . So part of me wishes to have a fresh start as it is feeling too complicated & overwhelming with my ex.

    I have tried to put my feelings into feeling messages & communicate my needs & don’t wants to him, but it’s very complicated. He seems not get the most of them and the distance is not helping. We are in different countries by now. And although I know he misses me and thinks of me, he is not stepping up the way I crave. Maybe it is my fault as much as his. But also, I’m losing the interest if a man is not chasing at all & I do feel thrilled by some other CDs who do it.. And I won’t go back to his country just to wait more & maybe this is getting somewhere with him.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:10am

  866. 866: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    I hope your visit with SmartCD is fabulous!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:13am

  867. 867: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens! I feel amazing! Friday I went to get a manicure with the opi shellac polish, got French tips. Looks so pretty and I’ve been cleaning a ton, dishes, bathrooms, etc. and they still look perfect. C came in yesterday and took the girls to a local amusement park. I met my sister to go to a journey type seminar. It was fantastic! I went to a class on how to develop your psychic ability and the teacher also has classes about soul mates and twin flames So my sis and I are going to one of those.
    The next class was with a life coach/ motivational speaker who teaches how to turn grief/pain/loss into a positive and that we get messages and signs from our loved ones after they pass. I bought her book and talked to her for a long time afterwards. She talked about so many things rori teaches, self love, feeling your feelings… Was really great!
    I bought some crystals for me and the girls and they loved them! I feel excited to share my journey with them, to raise them with positive energy and light.
    I also got a tarot card reading that was unbelievable! All about my relationship with C and also that I should give so ready a real chance. I’ll post more when I am on a computer!!! I feel alive, like really alive and high on positive energy:)Iove me!!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:14am

  868. 868: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @859 Lilibee

    Thank you! I hope so too! :)

    I hope I can not fear bees anymore too! I’m so afraid of getting stung and being allergic.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:16am

  869. 869: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yay, Turquoise!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:19am

  870. 870: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Time for me to stop dilly dallying and finish my drawing. It will probably be 8 more hours :( I can’t wait until tomorrow is over and I have my free time and life back.

    I’ve realized this weekend how much I wear my masculine hat. It feels exhausting. I own my own house with a huge yard, so I need to take care of the outside, as well as the inside. I’m responsible for everything from changing light bulbs, to killing bugs, to cleaning, cooking, shopping, everything. I’m tired of doing it all, plus my man hat at work. I want to just be, relax and enjoy, but I feel I have no time for that. I just want to be a girl!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:23am

  871. 871: Memulo says:

    Thank you GivingGirl, I feel so supported! ;)

    Wanted to get him a little welcome souvenir.. wondering if it would be an overfunctioning though.. I am paying for the hotel.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:29am

  872. 872: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    863:

    Go Turq go!

    What an amazing lasting shift in vibe you got from a month ago!
    I feel so happy for you! :)

    You’ve made your life feel great no matter what.
    I feel amazed and awed at that accomplishment.

    I’ve witnessed you feel so down when you’re romantic relationship went down the toilet.
    I’ve witnessed you feel nervous and unsettled at your finances…and look at you now!
    You’re having fun regardless of any of that stuff!

    You are my idol! rockstar goddess siren!

    I bow to you and give you a standing ovation!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:34am

  873. 873: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Vi,

    810 – Ok, happy it went well! Your attitude sounds stunning! Love to you, too!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:43am

  874. 874: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like doing something girly.

    My nails are already done.
    My pedicure is already done.
    My hair is already done.

    Ah, I know: I can sort out my shoes.
    What’s more girly than shoes for a woman.
    I’ll take them out of the boxes, take a picture of them, printout the picture to stick on the side of the box.
    I went nuts going through all the boxes yesterday to find the right ones to wear.
    Girly and productive, yey!

    I have lots coz I buy them dirt cheap at a liquidation store and they last me on average 10 years.
    I love girly shoes!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 8:46am

  875. 875: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Zara (and Ravenquile),

    757 – I completed the edits you suggested as a means of practicing beautiful feeling messages. Thank you for this! You really made some beautiful points about what makes a woman truly beautiful, and you did it in such a caring way!

    Here is what you suggested to Ravenquile in 757:

    Zara to 716: Ravenquile says:

    I feel mistrustful of this stuff that I see as coming from the new age wave. I don’t know if it is a lie, I am not God to know it all in medicine but I do know I feel mistrustful, this is my own stuff and I can say my own stuff out loud.
    Whether people feel different or the same, they might feel me anyway and the connection might happen. And if some don’t connect, I will feel good with myself anyway…I will be connected to myself by owning my feelings and staying inside myself. A woman connected to herself is a sexy woman who attracts men.
    The word “lies” is a judgment and will not help me in feeling good and connected to myself. Judgments projected on others come back right at me and stop me from blossoming and from connecting. Judgments are a sort of lies themselves.
    I feel confident in my national official medicine. When I come across something I have not been told by a licensed doctor in medicine from an official university, I tend to put it in the trash.
    I speak of my own feelings and of my own choices, I don’t gossip about others and I don’t play tyrant saying what should be done by others. I mind my business. A woman who minds her business is an elegant woman, she inspires trust in men.
    I tend to project my twistedness onto concepts I have not studied or not been told about by my group. I feel unsafe when I feel twisted, therefore I do not consider them.
    I speak of my own projection and my own feelings and my own boundaries and my own limitations. It is brave. A brave woman attracts a strong man. I don’t gossip about others’ beliefs and I don’t play tyrant saying what others “should” do. I stay clean. A clean woman is yummy.
    “All”, “anyone”, “should” are words I tend to leave out. They express untruths. “Should” might also be the sign boundaries are being weak or even trespassed. Judgments like “lies” and “Satanic” are projections, which can be quite interesting as long as I bring them back to myself and work from there. I wish to choose words to connect with myself, not to judge others. A woman connected with herself feels good. I want to feel good.

    Love it! Zara, thanks again!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:01am

  876. 876: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    867:

    Hi Memulo,

    I’m putting myself in your shoes…

    I would feel good about getting him a little something that would not cost much but would be meaningful and representative.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:03am

  877. 877: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    867:

    Memulo,

    Overfunctioning to me would be going way out of your way and spending too much money on a ‘little something’.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:06am

  878. 878: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Josie, Welcome and caring and nurturing is masculine energy. The thing is for you to practice, through dating every man who shows up, receiving care and nurturing. Yes, there are men like that out there – you just have to make yourself available to them and not “snap-judge” them as “icky” because they want to shower you with love. Love, Rori

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:21am

  879. 879: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Turq! Chickie!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:24am

  880. 880: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    memulo, welcoming souvenir = definitely overfunctioning.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:29am

  881. 881: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Sunday sirens!!

    I had a very sireny night yesterday, I think I did exactly all the right things and I didn’t even had to think of it, it just happened!!

    So I went to this BBQ at my friend’s place where there was another of her girl friend. We cooked and ate and drank a little. I had told ModelCD I might join him after if it wasn’t too late but when I texted him by 10 pm, he said the bbq was already over but that him and his friends were going to a bar and he invited me. I asked if I could bring my girl friends and he said sure.

    I got there by 12 pm and he seemed incredibly happy to see me. As soon as I got there, he took me in his arms and kept me there for a few minutes, closed to him, while he was talking to me. He said he was sorry he didn’t call me in 3 weeks, he said he knows it wasn’t too romantic to act like that, and he explained that he got kicked out from his apartment (the apartment is Dicaprio’s one and he is moving to Europe), and had to find an apartment and to move out in two weeks. Now he got a new apartment close to my office and he even told me he is free on Mondays and Wednesdays (Tuesday and Thursday he is training) and that these days are mine and that he hopes I can go to his place after work all of these days (and the weekend also I guess). Wow!

    He introduced me to all his friends, including girls, and one of his girl friends who was from another city, staying at his place for the weekend. Many times during the night at the bar, he took me in his arms while talking to me, in a very romantic way. Just like that, in front of all his friends. He was kissing my cheeks and touching me again and again. And he was repeating that he was happy to see me.

    At one point, my girl friend told me that this girl-from-out-of-town was definitely jealous of me and was trying all the time to catch ModelCD’s attention. And then something weird and new happened… I just said “oh well” and I was serious and honest. I was so confident that I didn’t even notice that girl and that I didn’t even care when someone told me about her. I knew and felt deep down he wanted me and not her. I did not even looked at if she was pretty or not. It was me and only me and I just knew it.

    In the past, I would have get jealous, I would have play a game of hard to get, and maybe flirt with his friends to make him jealous and maybe pretend I was leaving to get him ask me to stay. And for probably the first time of my life, I didn’t feel like playing. When he said he was going to smoke with her, I said ok and went to talk to my friends. And my friends were looking at me like “are you insane? Aren’t you gonna do anything about this girl who’s trying to sleep with your date?” and I just didn’t know how to explain that I didn’t care. Wow!

    And he confirmed me everything when he said he’d like me to sleep at his place, not to have sex, just so he has me over tomorrow to make me a coffee and go for a run together in his new neighbourhood. He said this girl was probably supposed to sleep at his place but that maybe we could let her sleep at my place so we have his place just for us. Haha! And I didn’t had to play any game to get that attention. :)

    But anyway, I felt super tired and a little bit sick so I decided to leave by 1.30 am. He just said ok, yeah you look tired, and he said we’ll do something on Monday ok? and then he added that he can also pass by tomorrow (today) for a coffee with me. Wow what a switch, no??

    He disappeared 3 weeks and when he comes back, I have all his attention on me and only me. He makes plans to see me again and again, cuddle me in front of all his friends, doesn’t look at any girl but me. And all I had to do for that, is be patient and let him in his man cave for 3 weeks!!!

    Isn’t it the proove that men comes back after caving? And that it can only be better when they come back if we have just take this time to take care of us, smile at life and have fun!

    Woooooow!!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:32am

  882. 882: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and also, when he got home, he texted me “Sweet dreams, thank you for coming to see me tonight”.

    Double Awwww :)

    I feel so excited about all this!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:34am

  883. 883: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    ulii

    there’s always a new day……another chance to let go and keep moving…….it likely won’t matter if you heal this with your “ex” or with someone new……it will be there to heal either way….distance or not….but you can do it…..
    You are doing it already in how you are being honest with yourself……wow that takes courage……and using FMs ….more courage….

    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:34am

  884. 884: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Prayers to you and your mom, lilybelly…Love, Rori

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:36am

  885. 885: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka
    your vibe is amazing……..and catchy

    I’m so glad you posted just now…

    I wanted to say thank you for something else you are doing….

    Its your running….you’re an inspiration to me…..I was running last year and stopped around October due to a minor injury……but well after it healed (a month) I didn’t pick up the running again…..I just filled the time with work and then the snow came, and blah blah blah….I ran a little back in March but then it stopped..

    but you…..you just keep going….every time you posted that you were going for a run….it inspired me to keep going……..

    So this weekend my daughter and I promised each other we would walk/run….she of course did hers on Friday night….me I got busy yesterday.

    But today I was determined. So I briskly walked 10km…..I feel great……..the run will come…my body always wants to run once the walks get quicker..

    Thank you Lizka!!!!

    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:40am

  886. 886: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    RE Daria, from a previous article

    Thank you for answering me, I hadn’t got to read your response until now!!

    NewZealandCD is not coming to me because of work, yes. He has vacation coming up just this week, but already organized a trip before getting to know me & he’s not going to cancel it. Then he won’t be having vacation until next year. And for him he has made everything possible by offering me to go to him all expenses paid. Even, he thinks it’s a huge thing as he doesn’t know me in real life.

    I am tempted to go, as i´m considering living & working in a totally new place to me. And even if nothing wouldn’t work out with him. But I do understand living with him would be a ultimate girlfriend trap.

    I do also have other invitation from a Lover CD – the one I was in love with last spring-summer and which lead to my break-up with my ex. We are in friends mode now and from distance it’s quite easy. But he has invited me to share is flat and look work from Ireland, where he is staying now. I think being in the same space could start the attraction going on again and I definitely won’t be accepting any FWB situation, so i´m probably not going, but it feels good to have more than one invitations from men who would like me to be around them.

    And I do circular date men in real life too (meaning, actually going on dates). But up to now they are all foreigners visiting my town for short amount of time. Maybe I attract this, but it seems all men from my own nationality are not capable of actually stepping up and invite me to a proper date.

    ————-
    Author: Daria
    Comment:
    ulii – i would not go stay in his house… that would be the ultimate gf trap… i forgot why he’s not visiting you instead (work?) … i would let him visit, OR ask him to book you a hotel room for you to stay in (he might not want to but oh well)

    circular date men around you! that you can see face to face… get a chance to practice the tools live on many many men! and i mean more than 10, something like hundreds! then you get your RELATIONAL SKILLS up to par to have a great relationship with a man who wants you

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:49am

  887. 887: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Marilyn – Read Virginia Clark’s book It’s Never Too Late To Marry at http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com to understand what’s going on with you (she talks about the psychic thing, too)..and then hire a coach to help you with what you need to do here. Virginia is an AMAZING coach, and you sound SO fantastic – I want to see you get what you want!!!! (I coach, also, very few clients because I write so much, but if you want to see how that would work for you, email my assistant Melanie@CoachRori.com).

    It seems to me your only “problem” here is your lack of EXPERIENCE – and once you get that through Circular Dating, you’ll begin to see the patterns in how men act, and how your feelings are phenomenal, but how you’re allowing them to lead you in directions that don’t serve you. Love, Rori

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:49am

  888. 888: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Awww Aurora I feel happy that I inspired you for something so healthy :)

    You are so welcome my dear! xoxo

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:50am

  889. 889: Memulo says:

    Lili and Starla,

    Thank you ;) Now I have to decide whose advice to follow LOL!

    I do feel like getting a $10-$15 gift, I sort of have something in mind.. it is quite funny too if he looks at it the same way as I do.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:54am

  890. 890: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Team Eat Something Already
    Oh goodness, I’m slipping! Going to cook right now and not let myself needlessly starve!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:05am

  891. 891: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    881:

    Lizka, my little sunshine!

    I feel so excited like a Mexican jumping bean to read about your evening! :D
    I feel like jumping up and down for joy and clapping my hands!

    Yey yey yey yey!!!

    You were just oozing with peaceful confidence.
    That’s so attractive.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:10am

  892. 892: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    RE Lizka 881

    Wow!! You are a true Siren RockStar!!! It feels so nice & inspirational to read about your evening.
    It really is that when you feel that kind of attention on you, and you know you deserve it and you get that security, like — of course — it’s me and only me for him, and any other girl around doesn’t matter. :)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:11am

  893. 893: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    890
    Starla……lol cute team name…

    a few months ago I came across a cool discovery with oatmeal….if you make a bowl and add wheat germ and milled flax seed the power punch and nutrition it packs is incredible…I’ve been having it for breakfast, but occasionally during the day at work….and actually at lunch today after my long walk….it’s so fast and easy I love it…..ok I do add a little brown sugar and milk….oh yum

    enjoy your snack/lunch/meal!!

    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:13am

  894. 894: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    :)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:15am

  895. 895: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, it is definitely your choice, but you’re already paying for the hotel. Men respond to gifts differently than women do in that it does not build attraction for them.

    What is the purpose of the welcome gift and do you believe that your presence alone is not present enough? You are very high value, memulo. You don’t need to give a man a thankyouforcourtingmelikeyoushouldbedoinganyway gift. Just be warm and open and soft when he comes, and he’ll feel like visiting you is the best decision he ever made.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:16am

  896. 896: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    889:

    My real advice:
    Go with your feelings.
    Nothing is wrong or right.
    Bc if you end up feeling bad about having done that, that will tell you that it was overfunctioning in that case and it will be a valuable learning tool to connect to yourself.
    If it leaves you feeling good after having done that, then hooray for being rockstar!

    If you feel strongly to do it, then that’s your guide that you need to follow to get you through the path to learning more about yourself, wether it’s overfunctioning or not.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:17am

  897. 897: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    RE LiliBee, GivingGirl, AuroraGirl

    It seems some comments have been in moderation & now get out & the post numbers get mixed up..

    Thank you for hugs & support!!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:22am

  898. 898: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @LiliBee
    I connect to what you say about ballroom dancing. I have been to quite many courses and I think have quite good sense of rhythm .. so it’s really hard for me to let a man lead, specially if he’s not too confident in his moves. And often they would get frustrated with me. With my ex has happened quite many times he just danced a short while with me, as I could not relax and let him lead. But when I sometimes did (probably the times I was a bit tipsy, or the music was really good or he was in his more confident behavior, we did dance great together.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:25am

  899. 899: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    895:

    Yeah Starla, you have a good point.

    Men will sense it if the gift serves to win his love and affection and if the vibe is along the lines of “I’m not worthy, I need to buy a gift to increase my value”.

    It makes me feel good though when I happen to come accross something that is meaningful and I just have to get it.
    I show it to the man, not as a gift, but I’ll say something like “I saw this and it made me feel so smiley and warm, it reminds me of us…”
    I don’t feel good saying “I got You a little something” just to ‘buy’ something. That’s when it feels bad like ‘overfunctioning’ to me.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 10:36am

  900. 900: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i love giving gifts
    but i just now suddenly find myself in a philosophical rabbit hole about the pressure associated with gift giving.

    and i feel so sad that CF and I never got to the point where a holiday would come and we would feel no pressure to give or receive, and we would just *know* that we didn’t have to enslave ourselves under some lordly gift giving schedule that we didn’t create ourselves. That was one of the things I truly loved about him… that he was concerned about his free will and not being enslaved any more than he had to be. That is what is important to me in life, too, and in so many ways I felt like we had come home to each other. And then we started throwing our junk in the way. I feel so disappointed in us:(. We both did the very same things. Sometimes it felt like I was in a relationship with myself. And I feel so foolish and blind for not letting myself heal through it. We just kept each other in a lonely limbo. And I can hardly breathe feeling how sad that is. Because I really felt I had the real deal with him… that he was more special than any other human male in all my 27 years and then on top of that he felt the same about me.

    I don’t even know what happened. I guess neither of us were ready.

    I know I am NOT ready and I was kidding myself that I was.

    And I feel very very very grateful for the end of a relationship that promised to be something I dearly wanted but wasn’t ready for. And I accept it and I love it and I want to hug it, because my life does what it needs to be beautiful. It is a wise creator and it has been very kind to me.

    And it is so sad and bittersweet to see someone you would never want to forget leave in a way that you HAVE to forget them to a big extent or you will only end up really hurting yourself.

    ((((((((((((((CF))))))))))))))))))
    He was real and true for me. He touched my heart and shook me awake.

    the tears streaming down my face feel amazing

    i can feel his energy so close, like it’s hanging right in front of me. Like he’s sitting in the next chair over at the table. I can speak to it. But as soon as I say “I love you,” it vanishes, like someone unplugged the tv.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:14am

  901. 901: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    So now my next mission from the universe is to get ready for the kind of relationship I was hoping to have but wasn’t actually ready for. To fortify myself internally against losing myself in that kind of relationship. I want us each to live atop our own mountain, and we climb down from our mountaintops to visit the other’s mountain top. Blissful in union but he always has his mountaintop kingdom over which is rules and I will always have my goddess temple on top of my mountain.

    I have so many walls and I struggle to take care of myself at times, and it is getting between me and my relationship ideal of never losing ourselves and never holding back. I intend to heal like a motherf*cker:)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:28am

  902. 902: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    *over which he rules
    dang typos

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:29am

  903. 903: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    900:

    Awww (((Starla))),

    That felt awesome to read.
    I see such powerful wisdom in you.

    I felt exactly like that last February.
    By sinking into all your feelings the way you are doing, will help you grasp all the learning you need.
    That’s what I did, until I got to where I felt that relationship journey was complete.
    It got me to a point of it feeling effortless to let go of the idea of ever being with him again and moved on to wish for something new.

    That’s the moment he came back, when we were both ready for that something new…it could have been w somebody else though and that would have been great too.

    You are 1 strong siren! xox

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:32am

  904. 904: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Awwww Starla love, bless you, you are an amazing Siren.

    {{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:35am

  905. 905: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Something been bugging me for a while now…giggle giggle :)

    We never got to see a photo of you wearing and enjoying those funky awesome boots on FB.

    But seriously, I would like seeing that.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:40am

  906. 906: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lol Lilibee I am laughing out loud. Soon! Can you believe I bought those crazy boots and then never found something to wear them with?

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:42am

  907. 907: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Marilyn,

    858 – Welcome! That’s great you found a wonderful man! If I had it to do over again with R, the man who i have been crazy about the past 3 years, I would talk a lot less and physically lean back at every turn, in order to remind myself to lean back emotionally.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:48am

  908. 908: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, ladies:) It felt really good to cry everything out.. I feel soft and surrendered and safe.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 11:48am

  909. 909: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka!! I love your story! I feel inspired to lean back even more. :-)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:16pm

  910. 910: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I agree it may be overfunctioning.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:19pm

  911. 911: GivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, my new name is out of moderation! ReceivingGirl it is now.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:21pm

  912. 912: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay siren song!!!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:21pm

  913. 913: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    906:

    I see them w blue skinny jeans! and a pink top or shirt.

    You will look so girlicious!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:25pm

  914. 914: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka

    It sounds like a lovely evening you had & I feel so happy for you!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:29pm

  915. 915: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I finished my girly shoe sorting expedition.

    I feel so lazy today.
    I don’t wanta clean, I don’t wanta cook, I don’t wanta nothin’ but vege out on the sofa watching a feel good movie.
    I feel even too lazy to do that coz I gotta go out get some already cooked grub and go rent a movie.
    The word ‘go’ just feels ‘too much’.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:37pm

  916. 916: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    914:

    Get ready for you own RG!
    now that you put yourself in “receiving” mode, it’s coming to you. ;)

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:39pm

  917. 917: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes ReceivingGirl. Like Lili said, it’s coming to you! I never thought it would come to me and it did!

    Weee!

    I’m off to run 15K. I feel so lazy. I’d rather do like Lili and vedge out on the couch. Ahhh

    At least there is a beautiful sun outside. Should help…

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:44pm

  918. 918: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ReceivingGirl

    Love the name change!!!

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:50pm

  919. 919: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, so i had an amazing hypno/coaching session. It was so deep i have a hard time describing it.

    Basically: i am not open to most men. I have a hard time expressing myself. I am still in love with ghosts from my past and i push love away.

    At one point, doing some work on my first love, i felt my heart centre burst open. I felt like i was going to faint.

    I feel excited to see how my life changes. The guy who loves me is not the right guy for me, at least not now. I hope he finds love and happiness. I hope i do too. I will always love him and my heart will be open to him if he ever comes back and wants to try for a forever relationship.

    Maybe i’ll get to bathe in the bathtub he bought for me some day.

    I am intending to let him go…now.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:51pm

  920. 920: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    starla, 900 and 901…beautiful writing. beautiful processing. so much of it resonates with me. if only i was where you were at 27…you are doing amazingly well.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:53pm

  921. 921: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lilibee, Lizka and ulii! Slowly, but surely, I will get there.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:54pm

  922. 922: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @ siren song

    I feel glad your session went well. I hope you notice a change.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 12:57pm

  923. 923: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla

    You continue to amaze me with how well you are taking care of yourself!!!

    I saw you loved No Doubt. I was a huge fan of them too in my teens. Listened the songs over & over. Specially Tragic Kingdom.

    Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 1:02pm

  924. 924: Emerson